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+Benny and Joon 
+
+
+In Benny’s garage. 
+
+Randy: So were planning our next vacation right. I want Australia, she wants Italy. I like snorkelling. She likes garlic. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, she says to me do I need her? Jesus Benny, what kind of question is that? I mean need, what does it mean to really need somebody? 
+
+Eric: Benny, fuel line. 
+
+Benny: Hey Waldo, could you answer that phone? 
+
+Waldo: Yeah, Hello? 
+
+Postman: I need a check Benny, C.O.D. 
+
+Benny: In a minute, meet me in the office. 
+
+Postman: (quietly) all right 
+
+Benny: Whoa, put that out, I got a fuel line broke. 
+
+Waldo: Hey Benny, it’s Joon on the phone again 
+
+Benny: Well tell her I’ll call her back, ask her what she wants 
+
+Waldo: Its an emergency, she says your running low on peanut butter super chunks 
+
+Benny: (quietly) Emergency 
+
+In the garage office 
+
+Benny: (On phone) all right, the issue is jelly, you only like two kinds. You either like grape or poison berry, which? All right. Yeah, yeah peanut butter, I know, super kind, all right, see you at 6. Ok, bye.(Hangs up phone) Hi, thanks for waiting m’am. Erm, im afraid that the best deal we can do for you is going to be, erm, $7750. But I think if you check around you’ll see that that is a really good deal. 
+
+Girl: Yeah? 
+
+Eric: That really is a very good deal m’am. A little too good… 
+
+Girl: Let’s do it.Outside Benny and Joon’s house, then inside. 
+
+(Benny is walking home from work, he hears shouting inside) 
+
+Joon: Get out of my sight! 
+
+Smeal: you wouldn’t dare Joon. 
+
+(Joon screams and throws plate across room.) 
+
+Benny: what is going on here? (He rushes in) Joon! Mrs Smeal! Mrs Smeal, please. 
+
+Smeal: Beware the winds of reason shall blow stern. 
+
+Benny: What? 
+
+Smeal: I am done Mr Pearl, I am done. The mules turned to glue, she left the house unescorted, she has sudden outbursts. She is simply unmanageable 
+
+Benny: Mrs Smeal! Please, wait, please. Let me talk to her. I can talk to her, you cant quit on such short notice. 
+
+Smeal: oh, well I’m sorry sir. In Ireland we have a saying when a boat runs ashore, the sea has spoken. 
+
+(Mrs Smeal leaves)In the kitchen, Benny is cooking and on the phone to Eric.Benny: Listen, if she is going to be alone every day until I find another housekeeper, I’m not leaving her alone at night too. 
+
+Eric: Listen bring her, what’s she going to do? She paints and she reads. 
+
+Benny: Yeah, she paints, she reads, she lights things on fire. 
+
+Eric: that happened once. Look I got a fire extinguisher, just bring her. Now get your ass over here, and don’t forget the Louie Prang record. Remember, always play for keeps. 
+
+Benny: all right, all right, all right, I’ll be there. 
+
+Benny: Joon Dinner! Spaghetti and salad. 
+
+Joon: in that order? 
+
+Benny: what happened between you and Mrs Smeal? 
+
+Joon: she was given the fits of semi-precious metaphors. 
+
+Benny: the woman’s a house keeper Joon, not an English professor. 
+
+Joon: she moved things. 
+
+Benny: she said you wandered off. Did you leave the house alone? 
+
+Joon: define alone 
+
+Benny: you know full well what I’m talking about. Listen, while im at work I cant be worried about whether or not your knocking another house keeper into early retirement. First it was Mrs Larkburg. 
+
+Joon: a woman deeply and hygienically disturbed. Her hair smelled. 
+
+Benny: but then it was Mrs Piltz. 
+
+Joon: Piltz, the answers in the question. Let’s face it Benjamin, hiring house keepers is not your forte. 
+
+Benny: Oh yeah, well until I do find another house keeper, you are going to stick close to the house, you understand? Now have some salad. Oh by the way, I want you to come with me to my poker game 
+
+Joon: Benny… 
+
+Benny: come on, you’ll have a good timeThey travel to the poker game and Joon sees Sam in the tree. They arrive at the poker game 
+
+Man: erm, wet belt buckle 
+
+Mike: classical Greek martini shaker 
+
+Benny: 6 turkey feather darts 
+
+Thomas: I’ll see you with the Diana Durban album 
+
+Benny: come on 
+
+Thomas: and I’ll raise you with the stethoscope 
+
+Mike: does it have little plastic ear pieces on the end? 
+
+Thomas: what do you care? You never win mike! 
+
+Mike: well if I do, I don’t want the, stabbing my ear drums. Steering wheel knob 
+
+Eric: Salad shooter 
+
+Benny: 56 debenture iron 
+
+Thomas: foldo 
+
+Mike: well you must have a good hand, huh 
+
+Benny: no, I’m bluffing 
+
+Mike: really 
+
+Benny: come on, you got to play to find out, come on 
+
+Mike: ok, 150ft of coaxial cable. Show them 
+
+Benny: full house, Jacks over four’s 
+
+Eric: (laughing) oh shit 
+
+Mike: I thought he was bluffing 
+
+Thomas: well some one get some air to his brain. He was bluffing about bluffing 
+
+Mike: you’re a real pal Benny, I tell you what, I got a solution to your house keeper problems, you can have my room mates. 
+
+Joon: oh that’s a terrific offer Benjamin. To save you from the retched chore of Smeal shopping. Those places are such drudgery aren’t they? Montgomery and Smeal, Smeals and Roebuck, Smeals ‘r’ us… 
+
+Benny: Joon. You got a roommate? When did you get a roommate? 
+
+Mike: since last week. My cousin landed in town and my life has gone from heaven to hell in 7 days. 
+
+Thomas: Just like the good lord intended 
+
+Mike: yeah, 20 years old and he can’t even read. He spends all day polishing my plastic forks. 
+
+Eric: what do you mean when you say he can’t read? You mean words? 
+
+Mike: yeah, and he keeps me up all night watching stupid old movies. My works starting to suffer. 
+
+Joon: you installed cable TV. 
+
+Benny: Joon, would you please glue your sequins 
+
+Joon: have we an internal sequin issue to deal with Benjamin? 
+
+Benny: can we make this the last hand? Come on, come on, play cards. 
+
+Eric: 2 tickets to tomorrow nights baseball game 
+
+Benny: 1 pocket fisherman 
+
+Thomas: fold 
+
+Benny: do you ever stay in? 
+
+Mike: a snorkel maskNext morning in Benny and Joon’s house. Joon is wearing a snorkel mask and makes a smoothie. She goes outside and holds up the traffic.
+
+In the social workers officeSW: she really knows how to rattle the day help 
+
+Benny: you know, I think we need to find someone more understanding than Mrs Smeal 
+
+SW: now let me tell you something. How are you two getting along? 
+
+Benny: us? Fine, normal, you know fine. Why? 
+
+SW: I’ll level with you. I think its time you gave serious consideration into a group home 
+
+Benny: she already has a home 
+
+SW: Benny, she needs to be with her peers 
+
+Benny: yeah, she hates her peers. She has already quit the two day centres to prove it. Look all we need right now is a new housekeeper 
+
+SW: well I know of no one else. You’ve been up and down the list. Now you might want to entertain the possibilities that there are some people more capable of handling these episodes than you. I am beginning to that that you living together may not be the best thing any more 
+
+Benny: I’m her brother and her only family. And we’ve done just fine the two of us for 12 years. 
+
+SW: yes but her stress level is always a factor in her display of symptoms. Her agitation should be kept to a minimum 
+
+Benny: everybody gets agitated sometimes it’s the only option 
+
+SW: Benny, don’t get me wrong I’m impressed that you’ve managed this long. But a group home would give her a chance to develop other relationships. Also we don’t know this but what if she was capable of a part time job? They would encourage her in that direction. These are very nice place’s, nurturing, supportive
+
+Benny: I’m not farming her outJoon has held up the traffic and the drivers are getting angry and shouting at her. A police man arrives 
+
+Joon: I have every right to be outside officer. I have ever right. 
+
+Police: yes m’am. May I see some ID please? In Benny’s garage 
+
+Benny: hey Waldo, did you start that brake job yet? 
+
+Waldo: Joon called. She says that you’ve run out of tapioca. 
+
+Benny: she what? 
+
+Waldo: oh, and the police will cooperate 
+
+Benny: holy shit. Listen Jack, you want to go to the baseball game tonight, 
+
+Jack: hey thanks Benny. 
+
+Benny: box seats. Hello, Joon?Back at the house. Joon is painting. 
+
+Benny: time for your medicine JoonBenny in his bedroom 
+
+Benny: night SteveAt the garage 
+
+Benny: oh hello, how’s it going? 
+
+Girl: I appreciate the deal on the engine 
+
+Benny: oh yeah, no problem. Is it running alright? 
+
+Girl: yeah, it’s running great 
+
+Benny: oh, good 
+
+Girl: so can I erm, make it up to you with some dinner. 
+
+Benny: some dinner? Erm you serious? 
+
+Girl: yeah, dinner with you 
+
+Benny: Erm, you know what I can’t. I mean I’d like to but I can’t 
+
+Girl: ok 
+
+Benny: ok 
+
+Eric: stupid, stupidAt the house playing table tennis 
+
+Benny: 18:15 
+
+Joon: 17:16 
+
+Benny: 18:15 
+
+Joon: it caught the corner. 
+
+Benny: it was a foot off the table 
+
+Joon: it was not 
+
+Benny: Juniper 
+
+Joon: Benjamin. Don’t underestimate the mentally ill. We know how to count 
+
+Benny: ok, fine 17:16 
+
+Joon: you can’t give me what was already mine. You’re trying to cheat 
+
+Benny: I’m not cheating 
+
+Joon: cheating 
+
+Benny: Joon, I don’t cheat. You’re the one who’s cheating 
+
+Joon: You’re all trying to cheat me, you’re trying to cheat. Joon throws the racket and smashes a lamp. She then runs upstairs 
+
+At the hospitalThomas: (On the phone at the hospital) yeah, alright I spoke to some of the guys from the staff Benny. Nobody wants to be your house keeper. I will keep trying but I got to tell you I don’t think so 
+
+Benny: (on the phone at home) yeah, ok thanks. ByeJoon is playing with a fan and some paper. She lets go of the paper and it flies into a candle setting alight. Benny puts it out and goes upstairs. He sits on the bed 
+
+Benny: ok StevieHe goes to feed his fish, but it is dead. He takes it to the bathroom and flushes it down the toilet. 
+
+Outside Eric’s houseBenny: I mean I cant even keep a goldfish alive. What chance do I have with Joon? If something bad happened to her I’d, I’d never ever be able to forgive myself 
+
+Eric: a group home is the right thing for her Benny. 
+
+Benny: yeah, this is defiantly for her own good 
+
+Eric: hey, it’s for both your own good. How much longer can you do this to your self? You’re life is literally passing you by 
+
+Benny: you’re right. You’re right. What am I doing with myself? I spend my life working on cars and taking care of my sister. I cant even have a relationship without having to worry how Joon is going to fit in. 
+
+Eric: you know, once you get settled in you can actually take a vacation. Travel a little. I can hold down the fort no problem. 
+
+Benny: travel? Travel? 
+
+Eric: Benny, there is a whole world out there man, I mean picture yourself on the open road, wind in the hair in the Alcamino. Highway stretching out b- what’s that? Up ahead? A lovely motorist. Stranded. Carburettor trouble. Better investigate. 
+
+Benny: yeah right, I’m going to be stopping at a pay phone every 15 minutes to call Joon to see how she’s doing.At another poker game 
+
+Mike: Ok lets see, Black Sabbath over there 
+
+Thomas: you got that flash light? 
+
+Mike: its not a flashlight. it turns out its a brush kind of thing. Hat 
+
+Thomas: Where’s the batteries? 
+
+Mike: you didn’t win any batteries. what are you talking about? 
+
+Thomas: who gets the ice shaker? it goes on mine 
+
+Mike: ok guys come one, hurry it up huh or we'll start without you 
+
+Joon: I’ve been known to play a little cardsThey start to play cards 
+
+Mike: box of 30 odd 6 cartridges 
+
+Joon: medium sized green haired troll 
+
+Thomas: soap on a rope, slightly used. Cards? 
+
+Mike: three 
+
+Thomas: cards? 
+
+Joon: two 
+
+Thomas: the dealer takes three 
+
+Mike: pass 
+
+Joon: re-grout my shower, blue grout 
+
+Thomas: I fold 
+
+Mike: shampoo my dog, lava lamp 
+
+Joon: scrape and paint the exterior of my house 
+
+Thomas: hey hey come on slow it down you guys. these are supposed to be reasonable stakes 
+
+Joon: that’s a see and a raise, you follow me? 
+
+Mike: you take my cousin off my hands 
+
+Thomas: hey wait, wait, just stop, all right? Benny’s going to strangle you guys 
+
+Joon: chill out Thomas 
+
+Benny: Joon, we've gotta go 
+
+Joon shows her cards 
+
+Mike: a flush. (Mike shows his cards) Full house. yes, yes, oh Benny, tonight’s your lucky night 
+
+Thomas: Mike warned it was for keeps Benny 
+
+Benny: what, what’s for keeps? 
+
+Joon: I lost 
+
+Benny: what in the pot? 
+
+Joon: a cousin 
+
+Benny and Joon are walking out of the house followed by Mike 
+
+Mike: hey guys, rules are rules, without them there’s no order in the universe 
+
+Benny: oh don’t give me that crap. you took advantage 
+
+Joon: of your sick sister. a heart flush is a perfectly respectable hand 
+
+Mike: Not respectable enough 
+
+Benny: hey shut up Mike. I am not taking this guy home 
+
+Mike: you have to man. remember the bet I lost last year. I had to re-plant your socket set. I didn’t back out did I? 
+
+Benny: you cant bet a human being! 
+
+Mike: oh, well if your going to be a baby about it 
+
+Benny: all right Mike. You want to play like that? I’ll take him home. i may not be responsible for what I’m going to do to him but I’ll take him. 
+
+Mike: oh man, what are you doing you stupid jerk? 
+
+Sam: Oh there’s something wrong with your car 
+
+Mike: what did you do with my hob caps? 
+
+Sam: I don’t know. I’m Sam 
+
+Benny: so I here. I’m Benny 
+
+Sam: with an N? 
+
+Benny: yeah two of ‘em. This is Joon 
+
+Sam: with an N? 
+
+Joon: one. You’re out of you’re tree 
+
+Sam: its not my tree 
+
+Benny: I think I need a beer 
+
+Mike: hey Benny, wait a minute. Where are you going? Come here man, give me a job. Hey! You’re going with them 
+
+At Diner 
+
+Sam dances with some rolls of bread 
+
+Benny: oh god bless you. 
+
+Sam knocks the tray out of the waitress’s hands and catches it. He hands it to the customers but switches them over. 
+
+Ruthie: hey pal, we’re trying to work here if you don’t mind 
+
+Sam: oh my god. I’ve just been looking for my boyfriend. Have you seen him? He’s a cute guy with a little mole on his right cheek. 
+
+Man: Ruthie one of your ghosts come back to haunt you? 
+
+Sam: (screaming) oh Brad, Brad, Brad please don’t be dead. I never got a chance to tell you what you mean to me. Oh Brad please. Its you you’re you, Ruthie Melanie. Co-star of the prom queen mutilator with Dick Beebe. 
+
+Ruthie: you saw that? 
+
+Sam: he was mine, he was mine. No Sindy you’re sick. Sindy you need help, no Sindy, no, no, no! (pretends to stab himself) 
+
+Benny and Joon’s house 
+
+Sam looks around the room and sees Joon’s paintings. He puts his finger in the wet paint and lick’s him finger. 
+
+Joon: don’t touch it 
+
+Sam: its paint 
+
+Joon: yes 
+
+Sam: Kirk Douglas, Van Gough ear (makes a scissor action with his hand) 
+
+Benny: these are yours. You’ll sleep here all right? Come on its late. Lets brush you’re teeth and hair. 
+
+Joon: I can brush my own teeth Benjamin 
+
+Benny: fine 
+
+Joon: hair too 
+
+Benny: perfect. Come on 
+
+Sam: oh, oh Benny. Hey Benny. Thanks for the couch. Erm Mike made me sleep under the sink. 
+
+Benny: oh you’re welcome. Good night 
+
+Sam: good night 
+
+Next Morning 
+
+Sam is sleeping and Joon is drawing him. He moves so Joon quickly pits them away. 
+
+In the bathroom 
+
+Sam: mentally ill. Really? 
+
+Benny: yeah. Benny: but I mean don’t worry about it. Just let her go about her routine, you know. Her routine is everyday therapy. Oh and don’t hang around her room while she’s painting. She hates that. 
+
+Sam: no 
+
+Benny: she runs hot and cold on you, just ignore it. That’s just the way it works. Oh listen erm, she starts talking to herself, don’t worry about it but don’t answer. 
+
+Sam: ok 
+
+Benny: she sometimes hears voices in her head. That comes with the territory too. And erm just make sure that nothing and I mean nothing happens to her 
+
+Sam: ok 
+
+Benny: ok 
+
+Benny goes out to work and leaves Joon and Sam. Joon is making a breakfast smoothie and Sam is watching as he walks in. 
+
+Joon: having a Boo Radley moment are we? 
+
+She hands Sam a glass of smoothie. 
+
+At garage 
+
+Benny: good morning 
+
+Eric: hey 
+
+Benny: this today? 
+
+Eric. Yeah. So erm what did you do with the cousin? The bus station? The river? What? You throw him in the river? 
+
+Benny: (laughs) no, I took him home 
+
+Eric: you took him home? 
+
+Benny: yeah 
+
+Eric: to your house? 
+
+Benny: yeah to my house 
+
+Eric: what are you crazy? 
+
+Benny: hey believe me its only temporary 
+
+Eric: great, maybe he can tell Joon about the group home 
+
+Benny: listen, if I’m going to do this group home thing I’ve got to figure out the best way to tell her, you know what I mean. Where’s Waldo? Is he not here yet?
+
+Eric: no 
+
+Benny: all right that’s it I’m going to have a talk with him 
+
+Eric: no your not 
+
+Benny: yes I am. I’m calling him right now. What’s his phone number? 
+
+Eric: 5550944 
+
+Benny and Joon’s house 
+
+Sam is cleaning and Joon is in the garden. She hears the loud music that Sam is playing and runs inside. 
+
+Joon: aah, too loud. 
+
+Sam: aah, what? (Joon points to the radio) oh. 
+
+He switches the radio off and Joon takes it away. 
+
+Benny walks home as he walks in he sees Joon alone at the table 
+
+Benny: hey where’s Sam? 
+
+Joon: I didn’t mean to kick him out. I mean I didn’t kick him out he just left. 
+
+Benny: whoa, whoa, whoa what, what happened? Did something happen? 
+
+Joon: he just he just left. He was, he was in the air and, and, and with a thing and it was really loud. It was really loud. And all, I just kept seeing. He didn’t mean to do it. 
+
+Benny: do it? What? What, did he, what did he do? 
+
+Joon: he cleaned the house 
+
+Benny: and you kicked him out for that? 
+
+Joon: (laughs) 
+
+Benny: (laughs) 
+
+There is a knock on the door and a jack-in-the-box is left on the floor. Joon picks it up. They both look up and see Sam sat on the mail box. 
+
+Joon: maybe I should invite him back in 
+
+Benny: yeah before someone sticks a stamp on his head and mails him to Guam. 
+
+Back in the house 
+
+Sam is making grilled cheese sandwiches with an iron 
+
+Joon: some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese 
+
+Benny: is that a fact? 
+
+Joon is in bed and Benny walks in 
+
+Joon: he can really cook cant he? 
+
+Benny: uh-uh yeah. All for the grilled cheese I might of used the wool setting. 
+
+Joon: that’s what I told him 
+
+Benny: really? What did he use? 
+
+Joon: rayon. Silk would have been too soggy. Cotton would 
+
+Benny: would of burned it 
+
+Joon: right. Fortunately he consulted me before giving it steam. I was four square against it. I wish he could be my new smeal. 
+
+Joon hums a tune and they both start singing the words. It flashbacks to when they were kids and their parents died in a car crash. 
+
+Benny: good night 
+
+Joon: good night 
+
+The next morning and Sam is writing a letter to him mum 
+
+Joon: you need some help? Dear mum, I have departed Mikes with love and gratitude and am not living with Benny and Joon pearl, two magnificently devoted new friends. Benny’s pre-disposition to hyper tense Irish monologue is sub standing and he has given me a job as a domestic engineer and is pleased with my performance so far. Love Sam 
+
+Sam: wow, I didn’t know how to talk like that 
+
+They go outside and post the letter 
+
+Sam: tapioca? 
+
+Joon: oh, yes 
+
+In the diner 
+
+Ruthie: ok 
+
+Sam: thank you Ruthie 
+
+Ruthie: you’re welcome Sam. Let me know if you need anything ok? 
+
+Sam: you don’t like raisins? 
+
+Joon: not really 
+
+Sam: why? 
+
+Joon: they used to be fat and juicy and now they’re twisted like they had their life stolen. They taste sweet but really they are just humiliated grapes. I cant say I’m a big supporter of the raisin council. 
+
+Sam: did you see those raisins on TV? The ones that sing and dance and stuff 
+
+Joon: they scare me 
+
+Sam: yeah me too 
+
+Joon; its sick, commercial people make them sing and dance so people will eat them 
+
+Sam: it’s a shame about raisins 
+
+Joon: cannibals 
+
+Sam; yeah. Do you like avocadoes? 
+
+Joon: they’re a fruit you know. 
+
+Sam: Ruthie, do you got any avocadoes? 
+
+At Benny and Joon’s house 
+
+Benny: Joon 
+
+He looks outside and sees a car pull up. Ruthie, Sam and Joon get out of the car. 
+
+Joon: you’re very pretty when you’re off work Ruthie 
+
+Ruthie: thank you. Maybe I should quit my job huh? 
+
+Benny: where the hell have you two been? 
+
+Ruthie: oh don’t worry, they were with me. We were just running some errands. 
+
+Benny: oh how you doing? 
+
+Ruthie: Hi 
+
+Benny; running errands? You ran an errand? 
+
+Joon: yes I did, I ran an errand. 
+
+Joon hands Benny two new fish 
+
+Benny: oh look 
+
+Joon; they are both named Steven. One with a V and one with a PH. 
+
+Sam: look, look, look Ruthie’s movie 
+
+Joon: yes and she’s staying for dinner too 
+
+Benny: come on in, come on in 
+
+By the river 
+
+Benny: so why did you leave? 
+
+Ruthie: LA? I wasn’t that good of an actress 
+
+Benny: well that’s not how Sam tells it. He’s raving about you 
+
+Ruthie: yeah well, he’s sweeter than he is judgemental. How long have you known him? 
+
+Benny: Sam? Erm 72 hours 
+
+Ruthie: be serious 
+
+Benny: I am, serious 
+
+Ruthie: really 
+
+Benny: I’m always serious, I’m too serious. Did you ever get to the point in your life when nothing makes any sense? 
+
+Inside watching the movie 
+
+Sam is talking along with the movie 
+
+Outside trying to start Ruthie’s car 
+
+Benny: try it again. Now there’s only two reasons a car wont start. Either you’re not getting fuel or you’re not getting fuel. You’ve got fire. I think you’d better let me drive you home. Sorry 
+
+Ruthie: thanks 
+
+Pulling up outside Ruthie’s house 
+
+Ruthie: here it is, right here 
+
+Benny; 2nd job huh/ 
+
+Ruthie: yeah got to make those ends meet you know 
+
+Benny: this is just how I imagined your place. Well… 
+
+Ruthie: you want to come in? Or you want to… 
+
+Benny: oh no I’ll come in, for a minute. Whoa! What is this? Nice porch. 
+
+Ruthie: pretty nice fish Joon gave you 
+
+Benny: oh yeah, those fish. Yeah I was shocked I was… Nice fish, I mean yeah 
+
+Ruthie: I never had a fish 
+
+Benny: what? Not even as a kid? 
+
+Ruthie: no, under privileged childhood I guess 
+
+Benny: down right un-American if you ask me 
+
+Ruthie: yeah 
+
+Benny: you can have one of mine if you want 
+
+Ruthie: no I couldn’t possibly. They were a gift 
+
+Benny: but you know you could borrow it. But you know we could share it. Like joint custody. You could take it on the weekends you know. What is this? 
+
+Ruthie: sit down son, you’re making me nervous 
+
+Benny: oh 
+
+Ruthie: want a beer? 
+
+Benny: yeah, you know what I’d better not. I gotta’ get goin’. I better get goin’ ok? 
+
+Ruthie: yeah ok 
+
+Benny: I’ll take a rain check on the beer 
+
+Ruthie: ok I got the doors 
+
+Benny: want to go to dinner? 
+
+Ruthie; ever been married? 
+
+Benny: no 
+
+Ruthie: yeah 
+
+Benny: yeah? Great. See you 
+
+Ruthie: see you 
+
+Benny: see you 
+
+Benny and Joon’s house 
+
+Sam and Joon kiss. Sam blows up a balloon and lets the air out of it slowly so it makes a tune. It pops and they laugh 
+
+At the social workers office 
+
+SW: see you next week 
+
+Joon: right thank you 
+
+SW: Benny, would you come inside a minute? 
+
+Benny: sure 
+
+SW: who’s the new house keeper? 
+
+Benny: the new… oh! This… friend just came to stay with us for a while but… 
+
+SW: Joon tells me he’s a man 
+
+Benny: well you know Joon, how flowery she gets with words 
+
+SW: she she’s lying? I mean is it a man or isn’t it? 
+
+Benny: well yes technically. He’s really just a guy, a friend. 
+
+SW: so where does this leave the group home decision? I take it you havent talked to her about it yet 
+
+Benny: no I erm 
+
+SW: the admission date is less than a week away 
+
+Benny: but you see the thing is she’s really doing fine. She seems content and everything. Lets just leave it at that for now 
+
+SW: let me know when you want to talk to her about it 
+
+Benny: I’ll let you know. Ok bye 
+
+Sam walks into the video store and takes the help wanted sign off the window 
+
+Owner: hello 
+
+Sam: I wanna help 
+
+Owner: ah wonderful ok. If you’d like to fill out this application I’ll be right with you. 
+
+Sam picks up the pen and writes his name. He folds up the application and walks out of the shop. 
+
+Benny and Joon are back at the house. Joon is scrubbing Benny’s finger nails. 
+
+Benny: not so hard 
+
+Joon: wow, you actually have cuticles 
+
+Benny: I know its amazing. What the hell is he doing? 
+
+Joon: Mashed potatoes. So are you and Ruthie considering item hood? Are you? Benjamin and Ruthie sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then come marriage 
+
+Benny: get out of here 
+
+Joon: then comes little Ruthamins and Benjamins and babys … 
+
+Benny: I’m just taking her out to dinner 
+
+Sam is downstairs making mashed potatoes with a tennis racket 
+
+Benny and Ruthie are coming home from their date 
+
+Ruthie: (laughing) That’s a good joke 
+
+Benny: you like that? 
+
+Ruthie: uh-uh. What time you got? 
+
+Benny: its eleven. 
+
+Ruthie: on the nose? 
+
+Benny: right exactly 
+
+Ruthie: don’t think I’ve ever asked anybody the time before and it be right on the nose 
+
+Benny: (laughs) that’s weird isn’t it? Its right on the nose 
+
+Ruthie leans over and kissed Benny 
+
+Ruthie: do you, do you want to come in for a while? I erm, I got that beer waiting for you 
+
+Benny: erm you know what? I should probably go 
+
+Ruthie: ok 
+
+Benny: listen erm can I tell you something? 
+
+Ruthie: what? 
+
+Benny: erm you see my life is just real complicated and 
+
+Ruthie: give me a break Benny I just offered you a bear ok 
+
+She gets out of the car and runs inside 
+
+Benny: no 
+
+In the park the next day. Sam, Benny and Joon are sat on a rug. 
+
+Joon: why don’t we pick up Ruthie and get some ice cream? 
+
+Sam: yeah lets get her 
+
+Benny: no 
+
+Sam: why? 
+
+Benny: cos, she doesn’t want to talk to me 
+
+Sam: oh 
+
+He tries to put his hat on his head but it just pops off again. He does it to Joon and tries to do it to Benny. 
+
+Benny: come on we should go. Knock it off. 
+
+He knocks the hat out of Sam’s hand and it goes flying. Sam does an acrobatic show for the people in the park 
+
+Benny: he is, he’s incredible. He’s amazing 
+
+Joon: did you have to go to school for that? 
+
+Sam: no no I got thrown out of school for that 
+
+Joon: really? 
+
+Sam: oh yeah 
+
+He stands on a bench and walks over it 
+
+Benny: hey listen why don’t you guys go on ahead? I’m going to hang around here for a while. Ok? 
+
+Joon: really? 
+
+Benny: yeah go ahead. I’ll see you at home later. all right? 
+
+Sam: ok 
+
+Joon: ok 
+
+Benny; that was, that was great. 
+
+Sam: no no 
+
+Benny: thank you 
+
+Sam: no thank you. bye bye 
+
+Benny tries to do the trick with the bench that Sam did. 
+
+Back at the house 
+
+Sam and Joon are sat on the sofa and kiss. 
+
+Sam: Joon 
+
+Joon: what? 
+
+Sam: I, I love you 
+
+Joon: me too. don’t tell Benny 
+
+Sam: Ok 
+
+Joon hears Benny coming in so gets up and goes to her bedroom 
+
+Next morning, Benny is in the shower 
+
+Benny: did you see the way you had everybody in the palm of you’re hand? Huh? You’ve got this gift and you shouldn’t ignore it you should be out there doing something with it. 
+
+Sam: like what? 
+
+Benny: I don’t know all I know is that they were saying this guy is something else. You’re special. You’re not some regular schmoe like the rest of us who do it because we have to do it. You’re blessed 
+
+Sam: Benny, 
+
+Benny: what? 
+
+Sam: how sick is she? 
+
+Benny: plenty sick. Now listen to me, I’ve been doing some thinking 
+
+Sam: because it seems to me that, well except from being a little mentally ill, she’s pretty normal you know? 
+
+Benny: do you realise you could be the next Buster Keeton? 
+
+Sam is sat outside the video store contemplating whether to go in 
+
+Sam goes in and talks to the owner. He has the job. 
+
+In the garage 
+
+Benny: I’m telling you, Randy listen to me, you’ve got to see this guy. Tell him Eric 
+
+Eric: he’s funny 
+
+Benny: he’s truly amazing. Will you see him? 
+
+Randy: yeah I’ll see him 
+
+Benny: you’ll see him? 
+
+Randy: yeah you never know, you know most of these guys work locally but some of them, the better ones, you can book in the out of town clubs 
+
+Benny: you book them out of town? 
+
+Randy: I book them all over. Detroit, Boston, sometimes LA 
+
+Benny: Whoa! Randy can you see him tonight? 
+
+Randy: I’d love to see him tonight 
+
+Benny: hi 
+
+Ruthie: is my car ready? 
+
+Benny: how you doing? Oh come on in, come on in. Erm listen erm I want to apologise for the other night. It came out all wrong 
+
+Ruthie: no no its ok 
+
+Benny: no I do 
+
+Ruthie: how’s my car? 
+
+Benny: oh its running great. Your fuel pump was shot so I threw in a new one. Its running great 
+
+Ruthie: how much do I owe you? 
+
+Benny: I’ll tell you what. Just gibe me $30 for the part and I’m not going to charge you for the labour. All right? Ok? 
+
+Ruthie: yes 
+
+Benny: listen if you’re not doin’ anything later I just lined up this thing for Sam 
+
+Ruthie: what thing? 
+
+Benny: well its like an audition. Maybe his chance to make a living at all this crazy stuff that he does. Who knows? Maybe he could travel, play clubs. I don’t know, you know? So if you’re not doing anything later and you feel like… 
+
+Ruthie: I don’t know Benny. I got food to deliver, apartments to rent. My life’s pretty complicated right now, you know? Thanks. Bye 
+
+At Benny and Joon’s house 
+
+Benny: we’ll lay out the whole routine right after dinner. You know what you could start with? Remember the role thing you were doing at the diner? 
+
+Joon: who died and made you Ed McMahon? 
+
+Benny: what’s your problem? This is his chance to do something, be somebody 
+
+Joon: he is somebody 
+
+Benny: yeah I know, but he wants to be more 
+
+Joon: you don’t know what he wants 
+
+Benny: I know he doesn’t want to be a house keeper for the rest of his life. If you’re worried about getting a new Smeal we’ll get you a new Smeal 
+
+Joon: he’s not my Smeal 
+
+Benny: house keeper, whatever 
+
+Joon: we have to tell him 
+
+Benny: what? Tell me what? 
+
+Sam: err Benny…Joon… and… and I… are… you know. 
+
+Benny: bullshit! You… 
+
+He gets up and drags Sam from the table 
+
+Sam: no, no 
+
+Joon: don’t 
+
+Benny: get the fuck out! 
+
+Joon: you cant throw him out. I won him 
+
+Benny: just settle down, just settle down 
+
+Joon: I love him! 
+
+Benny: yeah? Well you’re crazy! 
+
+Joon: I am not crazy 
+
+Benny; you see what we’ve come to? You see? 
+
+He gets out the group home leaflet 
+
+Joon: I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you 
+
+In Joon’s bedroom 
+
+Benny: can I get you anything? 
+
+Joon: tapioca 
+
+Benny: tapioca? Ok. Anything on it? 
+
+Joon: raisins 
+
+Benny: ok 
+
+He goes downstairs and checks the fridge. There is none left so he goes out to get some. Sam is sat in the tree outside and Joon burns a picture of her and benny when they were children. Sam goes to the door and Joon goes out to him 
+
+Joon: Hi 
+
+Benny arrives at Ruthie’s house 
+
+Benny: hi. How you doin’? 
+
+Ruthie: you’re out late 
+
+Benny: yeah. Listen… do you have any tapioca? 
+
+Ruthie: jeez Benny, I’ve heard a lot of lines in my time but… 
+
+Benny: no, no, no its not for me. Its for Joon 
+
+Ruthie: come on in 
+
+Benny: yeah? 
+
+Ruthie: yeah 
+
+Sam and Joon get on the bus with two bags. They sit down and Joon starts to talk to herself 
+
+Joon: I cant hear you 
+
+Sam: Joon. Ok? 
+
+Joon: yeah 
+
+Sam: good good good 
+
+He tries to calm her down 
+
+Joon; I’m not no, no I’m not 
+
+Sam: ok? All right? Hold tight ok? Shh. Its ok. Its ok 
+
+Joon: I am not, I am not, I am not 
+
+Joon starts to cry and Sam is still trying to calm her down 
+
+Joon: shut up! 
+
+Sam: no, no, no, no. Shh. Shh. Joon. Please. Come on 
+
+Joon: no its not all in my head 
+
+Sam: sir? Sir! Stop the bus! Please stop the bus! 
+
+Benny is driving back fromRuthie’s and he sees the bus stopped. An ambulance arrives and the crew climb aboard the bus 
+
+Joon: I don’t want to talk to you 
+
+Sam: Joon 
+
+AM1: all righty. You want to step out? 
+
+Sam: yeah ok, ok 
+
+AM1: how you doin’ hon.? 
+
+Joon: you think I don’t know who you are. I know just who you are. So just leave, leave. Leave! don’t touch me! don’t touch me! 
+
+They grab her and put her in the ambulance. Benny runs to the front of the crowd of people 
+
+Benny: Joon, Joon! 
+
+He sees Sam sat in the ambulance 
+
+At the mental hospital 
+
+Benny: look I a going to see my sister. Would you please tell me her room number? 
+
+Woman: please sir, just come back in the morning 
+
+Benny: let me talk to her god damn doctor 
+
+In the social workers room 
+
+SW: I’m sorry. She doesn’t want any visitors. Not you or anyone else 
+
+Benny: she doesn’t want to see me? 
+
+SW: no and she doesn’t want to leave. Benny why don’t you go home? Get some sleep. I promise I’ll keep in touch 
+
+He goes out of the room and sees Sam in the waiting room 
+
+Benny: I hope your happy. I hope you’re happy with what you have done to her. 
+
+He grabs Sam 
+
+Benny: you just stay the hell away from my sister 
+
+Sam: no, no 
+
+Benny: want to know why everybody laughs at you Sam? Because you’re an idiot. You’re a first class moron 
+
+Sam: you’re scared 
+
+Benny: I’m what? 
+
+Sam you’re scared. I can see it. And you know why? I used to look up to you but know I cant look at you at all. 
+
+It flashes to Joon in bed and Benny walking by the trains. It shows Joon again but awake by the window and Sam at Ruthie’s. Benny is playing with a jack-in-the-box back at the house and Sam is outside the hospital. 
+
+At the video store 
+
+Sam: I think that Fred Astatine is the way to go 
+
+Lady: yeah? 
+
+Sam: that’s a good choice 
+
+Lady: who’s that woman who starred in the roman… 
+
+Sam looks up and sees Benny 
+
+Sam: Audrey hepburn 
+
+Lady: yeah Sam. Thanks a lot 
+
+Sam: have a nice day. Can I help you? 
+
+Benny: yeah I hope so. 
+
+At the mental hospital 
+
+Sam and Benny are in a room. Thomas walks in 
+
+Benny: Thomas, how is she? Tell me the truth 
+
+Thomas: she’s been better Benny 
+
+Benny: well you’ve got to tell me what room number she’s in 
+
+Thomas: 335. But don’t even think about it Benny. it’s a closed ward. No visitors 
+
+Sam: no we’ve got to find Joon. Please 
+
+Benny: Thomas you’ve got to get us in there, to see her 
+
+Thomas: its impossible Benny 
+
+Benny: what do you mean its impossible? Listen I just need 2 minutes with her 
+
+Thomas: I’ll be fired 
+
+Benny: Thomas, I’m begging you as a friend 
+
+Thomas: I’d love to help out but Garvey’s going to be in there to check on her soon. My hands are tied. My hands are tied! 
+
+Thomas leaves 
+
+Benny: what room did he say? 
+
+Sam: 335 
+
+At the waiting room they sit down. The door opens to the closed ward and Sam throws his hat in the way of the door do it doesn’t close. They go through and as they are walking through the corridors they hear some men coming the other way. 
+
+Benny: shit. What are you doing? 
+
+Sam slides down the hall towards the men 
+
+Sam: Mommy? 
+
+Man1: what are you doing here? 
+
+Man2: I don’t think you are supposed to be here 
+
+Man3: what room did you come out of? 
+
+The pick him up and carry him back through the door. 
+
+Man1: get the door 
+
+Man3: how did he get past security? 
+
+Man1: hey, watch the door 
+
+The coast is clear so Benny continues until he find Joon’s room. 
+
+Benny: Joon, look, I know you want to be left alone but you do not belong in here. Not how would you like to try living in you’re own apartment? 
+
+Joon: an apartment? 
+
+Benny: yeah! There’s an apartment available in Ruthie’s building 
+
+Joon: you’d let me live in an apartment? 
+
+Benny: that’s up to you. I’m through making those decisions for you. Listen I… I’m sorry I was such a jerk. And about Sam. I was wrong, dead wrong. 
+
+Joon: I scared him away 
+
+Benny: no you didn’t. he’s here 
+
+Joon: he is not 
+
+Benny: he is. He got me in here. He’s somewhere in the building. 
+
+Joon: he is not. You’d never let me have him. God. Why do you hate me so much? 
+
+Benny: I don’t hate you 
+
+Joon: you just need me to be sick 
+
+The social worker enters the waiting room and goes over to the desk. 
+
+SW: Juniper Pearl’s chart please. Thank you 
+
+Thomas sees the men carrying Sam away 
+
+Thomas: hey wait! Wally! Wait! Wait! Wally put him down. He’s mine. I’ve been looking for him 
+
+Man1: you sure? 
+
+Thomas: yeah I’ll take care of him. Sam you cant be in here 
+
+Sam: where’s Joon’s room? 
+
+Thomas: come on 
+
+Sam: I’ve got to see her 
+
+Thomas: come on, come on 
+
+The social worker is walking down the hall to Joon’s room and sees Benny 
+
+SW: can you give me any reason why I shouldn’t have you arrested? 
+
+Sam and Thomas are outside 
+
+Thomas points to Joon’s room 
+
+Thomas; that’s the one 
+
+Sam: yeah 
+
+Thomas: see? 
+
+Sam: ok 
+
+Thomas: Sam, where are you going? 
+
+In Joon’s room 
+
+SW: Benny, this is exactly what we were trying to avoid. By now Joon would be in a caring and controlled environment. Isn’t it obvious that you two need some distance? 
+
+Benny: what don’t we ask Joon what she wants? 
+
+Outside 
+
+Sam is climbing up the building 
+
+Thomas: Sam what are you doing? Hey Sam come on! Get down right now! 
+
+In Joon’s room 
+
+Joon: I don’t know exactly what I want. I do know… that I am tired of everyone telling me what to do 
+
+
+
+Outside 
+
+Thomas: Sam come down. don’t touch that 
+
+Sam winds up the window cleaners hoist 
+
+Thomas: Sam leave that. I’m begging you. 
+
+In Joon’s room 
+
+SW: Joon, we want what’s best for you 
+
+Joon: I know that 
+
+She sees Sam swinging across the window 
+
+Joon: I… 
+
+Outside 
+
+Thomas: Sam come down now. Sam you’re going to get in trouble 
+
+Inside 
+
+Joon: I think I want to try living in my own apartment 
+
+Benny looks outside and sees Sam. The social worker looks outside but doesn’t see anything 
+
+SW: hmm, I don’t know 
+
+Outside 
+
+Thomas: Sam stop swinging 
+
+The line of the hoist starts to come loose 
+
+Inside 
+
+SW: but I’m willing to let you try. I’ll prepare the papers for her release 
+
+Benny: thanks doctor Garvey 
+
+Outside 
+
+Thomas: come down Sam! 
+
+The hoist breaks and Sam falls down 
+
+Thomas: whoa! Whoa! Are you ok? 
+
+Sam: ouch, ouch 
+
+In the hospital 
+
+Joon tries to say something but cant get the word out 
+
+Benny: I know, me too. I’m going to go and check you out. Ok? 
+
+Joon: ok 
+
+Joon goes out and Sam is waiting for her in a wheel chair. He gets up and they hug 
+
+At Joon’s apartment 
+
+Benny pulls up outside and Ruthie is sat on her porch. He hands her some white roses 
+
+Ruthie: haven’t we tried this before 
+
+Benny: yeah but my life’s a lot less complicated now. Is Joon inside? 
+
+Ruthie: yeah 
+
+Benny: ok 
+
+He looks in her room and sees Sam and Joon making grilled cheese with an iron. He leaves her some roses at her door. 
+
+THE END 

unformated_scripts/Script_Breakfast Club, The.txt

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+The Breakfast Club written and directed by John HughesBLANK SCREEN: Against Black, TITLE CARD: "...and these children that you spit on, as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through... - David Bowie" The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal...1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things inside the school including Bender's locker. BRIAN (VO) Saturday...March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois. 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon...we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was that we did wrong, what we did was wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write this essay telling you who we think we are, what do you care? You see us as you want to see us...in the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athelete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at seven o'clock this morning. We were brainwashed... CUT TO:2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the parking lot. Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob. CLAIRE I can't believe you can't get me out of this...I mean it's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday! It's not like I'm a defective or anything... CLAIRE'S FATHER I'll make it up to you...Honey, ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you a defective. Have a good day. Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks up the school front steps CUT TO:3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY We are in BRIAN's car. His MOTHER is there and so is his little SISTER. He is sort of a nerd. BRIAN'S MOTHER Is this the first time or the last time we do this? BRIAN (upset) Last... BRIAN'S MOTHER Well get in there and use the time to your advantage... BRIAN Mom, we're not supposed to study; we just have to sit there and do nothing. BRIAN'S MOTHER Well mister you figure out a way to study. BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER (annoyingly) Yeah! BRIAN'S MOTHER Well go! Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school. CUT TO:4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY We see ANDREW and his FATHER. Andrew is clearly a jock; he’s wearing a letterman’s jacket with lots of patches on it. ANDREW'S FATHER Hey, I screwed around...guys screw around, there's nothing wrong with that. Except you got caught, Sport. ANDREW Yeah, Mom already reemed me, alright? ANDREW'S FATHER (angry) You wanna miss a match? You wanna blow your ride? Now no school's gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case. Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school. CUT TO:5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us. He is wearing sunglasses. A car is coming towards him but he doesn't stop walking. The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him. Bender gets out of the frame. Out of the car steps ALLISON. She is dressed all in black. She steps forward to look in the car's front window and the car drives away. CUT TO:6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY There are six tables in two rows of three. Claire is sitting at the front table. Brian comes in and sits at the table behind her. Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire at the front table. She shrugs and he sits there. In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout desk and takes a few things in the process. He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to the table on the opposite side of the Library. Brian reluctantly gets up and moves. Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his feet up. Allison walks in. She walks all the way around the library and sits in the back corner table, just behind Brian. Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker. Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away. Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher. He holds a stack of papers in his left hand. He addresses the group with such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the job. VERNON Well...well. Here we are! I want to congradulate you for being on time... Claire raises her hand. CLAIRE Excuse me, sir? I think there's been a mistake. I know it's detention, but...um...I don't think I belong in here... Vernon doesn't care. He just continues to talk. VERNON It is now seven-oh-six. You have exactly eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here. To ponder the error of your ways... Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his mouth again. Claire looks like she is going to gag. VERNON ...and you may not talk. You will not move from these seats. He glances up at Bender and points at him. VERNON ...and you... Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet. VERNON ...will not sleep. Alright people, we're gonna try something a little different today. We are going to write an essay--of no less than a thousand words--describing to me who you think you are. BENDER Is this a test? Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice of Bender. VERNON And when I say essay...I mean essay. I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times. Is that clear Mr. Bender? Bender looks up. BENDER Crystal... VERNON Good. Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself. Maybe you'll even--decide whether or not you care to return. Brian raises his hand and then stands. BRIAN You know, I can answer that right now sir...That'd be "No", no for me. 'cause... VERNON Sit down Johnson... BRIAN Thank you sir... He sits. VERNON My office... Vernon points. VERNON ...is right across that hall. Any monkey business is ill-advised... He looks around at them. VERNON ...any questions? BENDER Yeah...I got a question. Vernon looks at him suspiciously. BENDER Does Barry Manilow know you raid his wardrobe? VERNON I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday. Don't mess with the bull young man, you'll get the horns. Vernon leaves. BENDER That man...is a brownie hound... Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud snapping sound. Brian turns and looks and it is Allison, biting her nails. Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look. Everyone is looking now. Allison notices them looking at her. BENDER You keep eating your hand and you're not gonna be hungry for lunch... Allison spits part of her nail at Bender. BENDER I've seen you before, you know... We see Vernon look out from his office. We see Brian playing with his pen. BRIAN (quietly to himself) Who do I think I am? Who are you? Who are you? He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top under his upper lip. BRIAN I am a walrus... Bender looks at him in utter confusion. Brian notices this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth-- embarrassed. Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the same time. They both notice this. Brian stops removing his jacket. Bender takes his all the way off. Brian rubs his hands together and pretends to be cold. He pulls his jacket back on. He turns and looks at Bender who is still staring at him. BRIAN It's the shits, huh? Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable laugh. Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper. He throws it at Claire. It misses and goes over Claire's head. Andrew and Claire acknowlege it but continue to ignore Bender. Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a song. “Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah...” CLAIRE (to herself) I can't believe this is really happening to me... Bender stops "singing" abruptly. BENDER Oh, shit! What're we s'posed to do if we hafta take a piss? CLAIRE (disgusted) Please... BENDER If you gotta go... We hear Bender unzip his fly. BENDER You gotta go! Everyone is now looking at Bender. CLAIRE (disgusted) Oh my God! ANDREW Hey, yer not urinating in here man! BENDER Don't talk! Don't talk! It makes it crawl back up! ANDREW You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor! Bender gasps mockingly. BENDER You're pretty sexy when you get angry...grrr! He turns to Brian. BENDER Hey, homeboy... Brian points at himself with his pen. BENDER ...why don't you go close that door. We'll get the prom queen-- impregnated! Claire turns and glares at him. ANDREW Hey! Bender ignores him. ANDREW Hey! BENDER What? ANDREW If I lose my temper, you're totalled man! BENDER Totally? ANDREW Totally! CLAIRE (to Bender) Why don't you just shut up! Nobody here is interested! ANDREW Really! (to Claire about Bender) Buttface! BENDER Well hey Sporto! What'd you do to get in here? Forget to wash your jock? BRIAN (nervous) Uh, excuse me, fellas? I think we should just write our papers... ANDREW (to Bender) Look, just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass...so knock it off! Bender mockingly registers pain in his face. BENDER It's a free country... CLAIRE (to Andrew) He's just doing it to get a rise out of you! Just ignore him... BENDER (to Claire) Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if you tried! Claire rolls her eyes. BENDER So...so! (to Andrew and Claire) Are you guys like boyfriend/girl- friend? (a beat) Steady dates? (another beat) Lo--vers? (another beat) Come on Sporto, level with me. Do you slip her the hot...beef... injection? Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious. CLAIRE (screams) Go to hell! ANDREW (screams) Enough! CUT TO:7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY We see Vernon in his office. VERNON (yells) Hey! What's going on in there? (to himself) Smug little pricks! CUT TO:8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY They all look at each other. Andrew turns away from Bender. ANDREW (to himself) Scumbag! Bender stands up and walks over to the railing. He sits on it. BENDER What do you say we close that door. We can't have any kind of party with Vernon checking us out every few seconds. BRIAN Well, you know the door's s'posed to stay open... BENDER So what? ANDREW So why don't you just shut up! There's four other people in here you know... BENDER God, you can count. See! I knew you had to be smart to be a...a wrestler. ANDREW Who the hell are you to judge anybody anyway? CLAIRE Really... ANDREW You know, Bender...you don't even count. I mean if you disappeared forever it wouldn't make any difference. You may as well not even exist at this school. Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment before speaking. He doesn't let his emotions out, however. BENDER Well...I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team. Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at Bender. BENDER (to Claire) Maybe the prep club too! Student council... ANDREW No, they wouldn't take you. BENDER I'm hurt. CLAIRE You know why guys like you knock everything... BENDER (to himself) Oh, this should be stunning... CLAIRE It's 'cause you're afraid. BENDER (with mock enthusiasm) Oh, God! You ritchies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy in activities! CLAIRE You're a big coward! Brian feels left out. BRIAN (to no one imparticular) I'm in the math club... CLAIRE See you're afraid that they won't take you. You don't belong so you just have to dump all over it... BENDER Well...it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes...now would it? CLAIRE Well you wouldn't know...You don't even know any of us. BENDER Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna run out and join one of their fucking clubs. ANDREW Hey let's watch the mouth, huh? Brian again feels he needs to contribute. BRIAN I'm in the physics club too... BENDER (to Claire) S'cuse me a sec... (to Brian) What are you babbling about? BRIAN Well, what I said was...I'm in the math club, the Latin club and the physics club...physics club. Bender nods and turns to Claire. BENDER Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the physics club? CLAIRE That's an academic club... BENDER So? CLAIRE So...academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs. BENDER Oh, but to dorks like him... Bender points at Brian. BENDER ...they are. (to Brian) What do you guys do in your club? BRIAN In physics, um, we ah, we talk about physics...about properties of physics. BENDER So it's sorta social...demented and sad, but social. Right? BRIAN Yeah, well, I guess you could consider it a social situation. I mean there are other children in my club and uh, at the end of the year we have, um, you know, a big banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton. BENDER You load up, you party... BRIAN Well, no, we get dressed up...I mean, but, we don't...we don't get high. CLAIRE (to Bender) Only burners like you get high... BRIAN And, uh, I didn't have any shoes. So I had to borrow my dad's. It was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes. And, uh, my cousin Kent...my cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana... He got high once and you know, he started eating like really weird foods. And uh, and then he just felt like he didn't belong anywhere. You know, kinda like, you know "Twilight Zone" kinda. CLAIRE (laughs) (to Bender) Sounds like you... ANDREW Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here...I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads... BENDER (to Andrew) Oh and wouldn't that be a bite... Bender lets out a moan of fake agony. BENDER Missing a whole wrestling meet! ANDREW Well you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life! BENDER (with mock hurt) Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys that roll around on the floor with other guys! ANDREW Ahhh...you'd never miss it. You don't have any goals. BENDER Oh, but I do! ANDREW Yeah? BENDER I wanna be just--like--you! I figure all I need's a labotamy and some tights! Brian becomes interested. BRIAN You wear tights? ANDREW (to Brian) No I don't wear tights, I wear the required uniform... BRIAN Tights... ANDREW (defensive) Shut up! They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and Andrew. He folds his hands on the table. Vernon goes back into his office. Bender laughs and gets up. He starts walking towards the double doors that separate the library from the hallway. BRIAN You know there's not s'posed to be any monkey business! Bender turns and points at Brian. BENDER (in a stern voice) Young man...have you finished your paper? Bender turns back away and goes to the door. He looks around cautiously and removes a screw from the door. CLAIRE What are you gonna do? ANDREW Drop dead, I hope! CUT TO:9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands up and checks the way he looks in a mirror. He does a muscular pose and utters some manly jibberish “Cobadonga!” CUT TO:10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Brian looks up. Bender is messing with the door to the library. BRIAN Bender, that's, that's school property there...you know, it doesn't belong to us. It's something not to be toyed with. The door slams shut. Bender runs back to his seat. ANDREW That's very funny, come on, fix it! BRIAN You should really fix that! BENDER Am I a genius? ANDREW No, you're an asshole! BENDER What a funny guy! ANDREW Fix the door Bender! BENDER Everyone just shhh! CUT TO:11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY We see Vernon walking back to his office. He stops and listens to them through the closed door. BENDER (OS) I've been here before, I know what I'm doing! ANDREW (OS) No! Fix the door, get up there and fix it! BENDER (OS) (screams) Shut up! CUT TO:12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall. VERNON (OS) God damnit! He opens the door and storms in. VERNON Why is that door closed? For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare at Vernon. VERNON Why is that door closed? BENDER How're we s'posed to know? We're not s'posed to move, right? Vernon turns to Claire. VERNON Why? CLAIRE We were just sitting here, like we were s'posed to... Vernon looks around and looks at Bender. VERNON Who closed that door? BENDER I think a screw fell out of it... ANDREW It just closed, sir... Vernon looks at Allison in the back. VERNON Who? Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the table, hiding in her jacket hood. BENDER She doesn't talk, sir... VERNON (to Bender) Give me that screw... BENDER I don't have it... VERNON You want me to yank you outta that seat and shake it out of you? BENDER I don't have it...screws fall out all of the time, the world's an imperfect place... VERNON Give it to me, Bender... CLAIRE Excuse me, sir, why would anybody want to steal a screw? VERNON (to Claire) Watch it, young lady... Vernon goes over to the door. He tries to hold it open by putting a folding chair in front of it. BENDER The door's way too heavy, sir. The door slams shut despite the chair. VERNON (OS) God damnit! They laugh. Vernon opens the door again. He comes back in. VERNON (pointing) Andrew Clark...get up here. Come on, front and center, let's go. Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon. BENDER Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy! Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel magazine rack in front of the door. VERNON Okay, now, watch the magazines! BENDER It's out of my hands... They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire door. BENDER That's very clever sir, but what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir. Vernon thinks about it. He turns to Andrew. VERNON Alright, what are you doing with this? Get this outta here for God's sake! What's the matter with you? Come on! BRIAN You know the school comes equipped with fire exits at either end of the library. Brian points at them and Bender glares at him. BENDER (to Brian) Show Dick some respect! Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of the library. VERNON (to Andrew) Let's go...go! Get back into your seat. Andrew sits. VERNON (to Andrew) I expected a little more from a varsity letterman! (to Bender) You're not fooling anybody, Bender! The next screw that falls out is gonna be you! Vernon turns to leave. BENDER (under his breath) Eat my shorts... Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again. VERNON What was that? BENDER (loudly) Eat my shorts! VERNON You just bought yourself another Saturday, mister! BENDER Oh, Christ... VERNON You just bought one more right there! BENDER Well, I'm free the Saturday after that...beyond that, I'm gonna have to check my calendar! VERNON Good! 'Cause it's gonna be filled, we'll keep goin'! You want another one? Say the word, just say the word! Instead of going to prison, you'll come here! Are you through. BENDER No! VERNON I'm doing society a favor! BENDER So? VERNON That's another one, right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one? BENDER Yes! VERNON You got it! You got another one, right there! That's another one pal! CLAIRE (worried) Cut it out! Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender. VERNON You through? BENDER Not even close, bud! VERNON Good! You got one more, right there! BENDER Do you really think I give a shit? VERNON Another... Bender glares at him. VERNON You through? BENDER How many is that? BRIAN That's seven including the one when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon here whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet. VERNON (to Bender) Now it's eight... (to Brian) You stay out of it! BRIAN Excuse me, sir, it's seven! VERNON Shut up, Peewee! (to Bender) You're mine Bender...for two months I gotcha! I gotcha! BENDER What can I say? I'm thrilled! VERNON Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe. You know something, Bender? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and a little less time trying to impress people. You might be better off. (to everyone) Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside those doors. The next time I hafta come in here...I'm cracking skulls! (Bender mouths “I’m cracking skulls”) Vernon leaves and closes the door. A musical riff builds to a climax as Bender screams. BENDER (screams) Fuck you! We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight. We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a cigarette with his shoe. We see Claire thinking. We see Brian playing with his balls. We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt. We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and making it turn purple. We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out. He then plays air guitar. We see Allison drawing. We see Andrew playing paper football. He cheers silently. Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture. We see everyone fall asleep. CUT TO:13. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Later. Vernon is standing there staring at the sleeping kids. VERNON Wake up! Who has to go to the lavatory? Everyone raises their hands. CUT TO:14. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Later. We see the clock, it now says 10:22. We see Andrew stretching. We see Bender tearing pages out of a book. He is tossing them around. ANDREW That's real intelligent. BENDER You're right...it's wrong to destroy literature... He continues to tear pages out. BENDER It's such fun to read...and, Molet really pumps my nads! CLAIRE (pronouncing it correctly) Mol-yare. BRIAN I love his work. Bender tosses the rest of the pages at Brian. He picks up the card catalogue drawer and begins to take cards out. BENDER Big deal...nothing to do when you're locked in a vacancy.. ANDREW Speak for yourself... BENDER Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language! Andrew turns to Claire. ANDREW Hey, you grounded tonight? Claire shrugs. CLAIRE I don't know, my mom said I was but by dad told me to just blow her off. ANDREW Big party at Stubbies, parents are in Europe. Should be pretty wild... CLAIRE Yeah? ANDREW Yeah, can you go? CLAIRE I doubt it... ANDREW How come? CLAIRE Well 'cause if I do what my mother tells me not to do, it's because because my father says it's okay. There's like this whole big monster deal, it's endless and it's a total drag. It's like any minute... divorce... BENDER Who do you like better? CLAIRE What? BENDER You like your old man better than your mom? CLAIRE They're both strict. BENDER No, I mean, if you had to choose between them. CLAIRE I dunno, I'd probably go live with my brother. I mean, I don't think either one of them gives a shit about me...it's like they use me just to get back at each other. Suddenly, from the back of the room. Allison speaks. ALLISON (loudly) Ha!!! Everyone looks at her shocked. Allison blows her hair out of her eyes and grins. CLAIRE Shut up! ANDREW You're just feeling sorry for yourself... CLAIRE Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else would. ANDREW Aw...you're breaking my heart... BENDER Sporto... ANDREW What? Bender jumps down and goes next to Andrew. BENDER You get along with your parents? ANDREW Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right? BENDER You're an idiot anyway...But if you say you get along with your parents well you're a liar too! Bender turns and walks away from him. Andrew follows and pushes Bender. ANDREW You know something, man...If we weren't in school right now, I'd waste you! Bender points his middle finger at the floor. BENDER Can you hear this? Want me to turn it up? Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew the bird. Brian comes over and puts a hand on each of the guy's shoulders. BRIAN Hey fellas, I mean... Andrew pushes away from Brian. BRIAN ...I don't like my parents either, I don't...I don't get along with them...their idea of parental compassion is just, you know, wacko! Bender turns to Brian. BENDER Dork... BRIAN Yeah? BENDER You are a parent's wet dream, okay? Bender starts to walk away. BRIAN Well that's a problem! BENDER Look, I can see you getting all bunged up for them making you wear these kinda clothes. But face it, you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie! What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen? ANDREW Why do you have to insult everybody? BENDER I'm being honest, asshole! I would expect you...to know the difference! ANDREW Yeah well, he's gotta name! BENDER Yeah? ANDREW Yeah, (to Brian) What's your name? BRIAN Brian... ANDREW See... BENDER (to Brian) My condolences... Bender walks away. CLAIRE (to Bender) What's your name? BENDER What's yours? CLAIRE Claire... BENDER Ka-Laire? CLAIRE Claire...it's a family name! BENDER Nooo...It's a fat girl's name! CLAIRE Well thank you... BENDER You're welcome... CLAIRE I'm not fat! BENDER Well not at present but I could see you really pushing maximum density! You see, I'm not sure if you know this...but there are two kinds of fat people. There's fat people that were born to be fat, and then there's fat people that were once thin but they became fat...so when you look at them you can sorta see that thin person inside! You see, you're gonna get married, you're gonna squeeze out a few puppies and then, uh... He mimes becoming fat, making noises. Claire gives him the finger. BENDER Oh...obscene finger gestures from such a pristine girl! CLAIRE (resentfully) I'm not that pristine! Bender bends down closer to Claire. BENDER Are you a virgin? (a beat) I'll bet you a million dollars that you are! Let's end the suspense! Is it gonna be... (another beat) ...a white weddin? CLAIRE Why don't you just shut up? BENDER Have you ever kissed a boy on the mouth? (a beat) Have you ever been felt up? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off...hoping to God your parents don't walk in? Claire is getting upset. CLAIRE Do you want me to puke? BENDER Over the panties, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on the front seat past eleven on a school night? ANDREW Leave her alone! Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew. ANDREW I said leave her alone! BENDER You gonna make me? ANDREW Yeah... Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing. BENDER You and how many of your friends? ANDREW Just me, just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you, you hitting the floor! Anytime you're ready, pal! Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on the ground with a wrestling move. BENDER I don't wanna get into to this with you man... Andrew gets up. ANDREW Why not? Bender gets up. BENDER 'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple. I'd kill you and your fucking parents would sue me and it would be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother. ANDREW Chicken shit... Andrew turns and walks away. Bender takes out a switchblade and opens it. He stabs the switchblade into a chair. ANDREW Let's end this right now. You don't talk to her...you don't look at her and you don't even think about her! You understand me? BENDER I'm trying to help her!. We see the janitor, CARL come into the room. CARL Brian, how you doing? BENDER Your dad works here? Brian is embarrassed. BENDER Uh, Carl? CARL What? BENDER Can I ask you a question? CARL Sure... BENDER How does one become a janitor? CARL You wanna be a janitor? BENDER No I just wanna know how one becomes a janitor because Andrew here, is very interested in persuing a career in the custodial arts... CARL Oh, really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Peon? Huh? Maybe so, but following a broom around after shitheads like you for the past eight years I've learned a couple of things...I look through your letters, I look through your lockers...I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do...I am the eyes and ears of this institution my friends. By the way, that clock's twenty minutes fast! Everyone groans. Bender smiles. ANDREW Shit! CUT TO:15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY The clock says 11:30. Vernon gets up and leaves. CUT TO:16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody joins in. Vernon enters. Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's 5th. VERNON Allright girls, that's thirty minutes for lunch... ANDREW Here? VERNON Here... ANDREW Well I think the cafeteria would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir! VERNON Well, I don't care what you think, Andrew! BENDER Uh, Dick? Excuse me, Rich...will milk be made available to us? ANDREW We're extremely thirsty sir... CLAIRE I have a very low tolerance for dehydration. ANDREW I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's pretty gross. Bender stands. BENDER Relax, I'll get it! VERNON Ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub! Bender grins. VERNON What do you think, I was born yesterday? You think I'm gonna have you roaming these halls? He points at Andrew. VERNON You! He points at Allison. VERNON And you! Hey! What's her name? Wake her! Wake her up! (to Allison) Come on, on your feet missy! Let's go! This is no rest home! Allison gets up. VERNON There's a soft drink machine in the teacher's lounge. Lets go! CUT TO:16. INT. HALLWAY - DAY Andrew and Allison are walking in the hall. ANDREW So, what's your poison? Allison doesn't answer. ANDREW What do you drink? Allison still doesn't answer. ANDREW Okay...forget I asked... Allison waits for two beats and then speaks. ALLISON Vodka... ANDREW Vodka? When do you drink vodka? ALLISON Whenever... ANDREW A lot? Allison smiles. ALLISON Tons... ANDREW Is that why you're here today? Allison doesn't answer. ANDREW Why are you here? Allison snaps back. ALLISON Why are you here? They stop walking and Andrew leans against the wall. ANDREW Um, I'm here today...because uh, because my coach and my father don't want me to blow my ride. See I get treated differently because uh, Coach thinks I'm a winner. So does my old man. I'm not a winner because I wanna be one... I'm a winner because I got strength and speed. Kinda like a race horse. That's about how involved I am in what's happening to me. ALLISON Yeah? That's very interesting. Now why don't you tell me why you're really in here. ANDREW Forget it! CUT TO:17. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Claire and Bender and Brian are all sitting around waiting for the Cokes. BENDER Claire...you wanna see a picture of a guy with elephantitus of the nuts? It's pretty tasty... CLAIRE No thank you... BENDER How do you think he rides a bike? Claire rolls her eyes and turns away in disgust. BENDER Oh, Claire...would you ever consider dating a guy like this? CLAIRE Can't you just leave me alone? BENDER I mean if he had a great personality and was a good dancer and had a cool car...Although you'd probably have to ride in the back seat 'cause his nuts would ride shotgun. CLAIRE You know what I wish I was doing? BENDER Op, watch what you say, Brian here is a cherry. BRIAN A cherry? CLAIRE I wish I was on a plane to France. BRIAN I'm not a cherry. BENDER (to Brian) When have you ever gotten laid? BRIAN I've laid, lotsa times! BENDER Name one! BRIAN She lives in Canada, met her at Niagra Falls. You wouldn't know her. BENDER Ever laid anyone around here. Brian shushes Bender and points at Claire whos back is still turned. BRIAN Oh, you and Claire, did it! Claire spins around. CLAIRE What are you talking about? BRIAN (to Claire) Nothin', nothin! (to Bender) Let's just drop it, we'll talk about it later! CLAIRE No! Drop what, what're you talking about? BENDER Well, Brian's trying to tell me that in addition to the number of girls in the Niagra Falls area, that presently you and he are, riding the hobby horse! CLAIRE (to Brian) Little pig! BRIAN No I'm not! I'm not! John said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't, that's it, that's all that was said! BENDER Well then what were you motioning to Claire for? CLAIRE You know I don't appreciate this very much, Brian. BRIAN He is lying! BENDER Oh you weren't motioning to Claire? BRIAN You know he's lying, right? BENDER Were you or were you not motioning to Claire? BRIAN Yeah, but it was only...was only because I didn't want her to know that I was a virgin, okay? Bender just stares at him. BRIAN Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm sorry... Claire laughs. CLAIRE Why didn't you want me to know you were a virgin? BRIAN Because it's personal business, it's my personal, private business. BENDER Well Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business... CLAIRE I think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin... Bender looks suprised. BRIAN You do? Claire smiles and nods. CUT TO:18. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Later. Everybody has lunches now. Claire begins to take hers out of a small shopping bag. BENDER What's in there? CLAIRE Guess, where's your lunch? BENDER You're wearing it... CLAIRE You're nauseating... Bender grabs a Coke and tosses it over to Allison who catches it without even looking up. Bender then watches Claire set up a sushi platter. BENDER What's that? CLAIRE Sushi... BENDER Sushi? CLAIRE Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed. BENDER You won't accept a guys tongue in your mouth and you're gonna eat that? CLAIRE Can I eat? BENDER I don't know...give it a try... We now watch Andrew take a couple sandwiches out of his bag, a bag of potato chips, an apple, a banana, a bag of cookies and a carton of milk. Allison opens her Coke and it fizzes over. She loudly slurps it up off the table and her fingers. Andrew sees Bender looking at him. ANDREW What's your problem? Allison opens her sandwich and and tosses the meat up. It lands on the sculpture above. She opens some pixie stix and pours the sugar on the sandwich and then puts Cap'n Crunch on top of that. She crushes the sandwich together and loudly eats it. Bender goes over and sits by Brian, Bender takes Brian's bag lunch. BENDER What're we having? BRIAN Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess... Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it. BENDER Milk? BRIAN Soup. Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand. BRIAN That's apple juice... BENDER I can read! PB & J with the crusts cut off...Well Brian, this is a very nutritous lunch, all the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers? BRIAN Uh, no, Mr. Johnson... BENDER Ahhh.... Andrew and Claire smile at each other. Bender stands. BENDER Here's my impression of life at big Bri's house... (in a loud and friendly voice) Son! (in a kiddie voice) Yeah Dad? (loud) How's your day, pal? (kiddie) Great Dad, how's yours? (loud) Super, say son, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend? (kiddie) Great Dad, but I've got homework to do! (loud) That's alright son, you can do it, on the boat! (kiddie) Geee!!! (loud) Dear, isn't our son swell? (quiet and motherly) Yes Dear, isn't life swell? Bender mimes mother kissing father and then father kissing mother and then father punching mother in the face. Suddenly it's not so funny anymore. ANDREW Alright, what about your family? BENDER Oh, mine? ANDREW That's real easy! Bender stands again and points forward. BENDER (as his father) Stupid, worthless, no good, God damned, freeloading, son of a bitch, retarded, bigmouth, know it all, asshole, jerk! (as his mother) You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Bender slams his hand back to slap his invisable mother. BENDER (as his father) Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie! (as himself) What about you Dad? (as his father) Fuck you! (as himself) No, Dad, what about you? (as his father) Fuck you! (as himself--yelling) No, Dad, what about you? (as his father--yelling) Fuck you! He reaches out and pretend he's his father hitting him. BRIAN Is that for real? BENDER (to Brian) You wanna come over sometime? ANDREW That's bullshit. It's all part of your image, I don't believe a word of it. Bender actually looks hurt. BENDER You don't believe me? ANDREW No... BENDER No? ANDREW Did I stutter? Bender comes over to Andrew and rolls up his right sleeve to reveal a circular shaped burn. BENDER Do you believe this? Huh? It's about the size of a cigar...Do I stutter? You see, this is what you get in my house when you spill paint in the garage. Bender begins to walk away. BENDER See I don't think that I need to sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore! Bender walks over to a map table and throws all the maps on the floor. He climbs up on top of the table and then up to the second floor balcony. CLAIRE (to Andrew) You shouldn't have said that! ANDREW How would I know, I mean he lies about everything anyway! CUT TO:19. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY Vernon puts an orange in his mouth and then attempts to pour coffee out of his thermos. The top comes off and the coffee goes all over his desk. VERNON Oh, shit! CUT TO:20. INT. HALLWAY - DAY Vernon walks into the hallway, talking to himself. VERNON Coffee...looks like they scrape it off the bottom of the Mississippi river. Everything's polluted, everything's polluted...the coffee. Bender comes out of the library doors followed bye veryone else. Bender and Claire are walking next to each other. Brian and Andrew are walking next to each other and at the end of the line, Allison is following. CLAIRE (to Bender) How do you know where Vernon went? BENDER I don't... CLAIRE Well then, how do you know when he'll be back? BENDER I don't...being bad feels pretty good, huh? BRIAN (to Andrew) What's the point in going to Bender's locker? ANDREW Beats me... BRIAN This is so stupid...Why do you think, why are we risking getting caught? ANDREW I dunno... BRIAN So then what are we doing? ANDREW You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you! BRIAN Sorry... Bender opens his locker. ANDREW Slob! BENDER My maid's on vacation. Bender pulls out a bag of marijuana. BRIAN Drugs... ANDREW Screw that Bender...put it back! Bender walks away. BRIAN Drugs...the boy had marijuana. Claire walks after Bender. BRIAN That was marijuana! ANDREW Shut up! Andrew follows the other two. Brian looks at Allison who is standing there with her mouth open. BRIAN Do you approve of this? Brian turns and leaves. Allison steals the lock off of Bender's locker. We see the crowd walking down the hall. BENDER We'll cross through the lab, and then we'll double back. ANDREW You better be right, if Vernon cuts us off it's your fault, asshole! BRIAN (to Claire) What'd he say? Where're we going? They see Vernon down one of the halls. We have various sequences of them running around and seeing Vernon until they stop. BENDER Wait! Wait, hold it! Hold it! We have to go through the cafeteria! ANDREW No, the activities hall. BENDER Hey man, you don't know what you're talking about! ANDREW No you don't know what you're talking about! Allison squeaks. ANDREW Now we're through listening to you, we're going this way. They all go Andrew's way and run into a hall closed by an iron gate. ANDREW Shit! BENDER Great idea Jagoff! ANDREW Fuck you! CLAIRE (to Andrew) Fuck you! Why didn't you listen to John? BRIAN We're dead! BENDER No, just me! BRIAN What do you mean? BENDER Get back to the library, keep your unit on this! Bender puts his bag of marijuana into Brian's underwear. Bender runs away singing loudly. “I wanna be an airborne ranger...” We see Vernon hear Bender. The rest of them run. VERNON That son of a bitch! We see Vernon looking for Bender until he finds him in the gym. Bender is going up for a basket. BENDER Three...two...one! He dunks the ball. Vernon enters. VERNON Bender! Bender! Bender! What is this? What are you doing here, what is this? BENDER Oh, hi! VERNON Out! That's it Bender! Out, it's over! BENDER Don't you wanna hear my excuse? VERNON Out! BENDER I'm thinking of trying out for a scholarship. VERNON Gimmie the ball, Bender. Bender fakes the ball at Vernon. He then sets the ball down and rolls it at Vernon who kicks it back at him. They leave. CUT TO:21. INT. LIBRARY - DAY The rest of the kids are all sitting back in their seats when Bender and Vernon enter. Vernon pushes Bender. VERNON Get your stuff, let's go! (to everyone) Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon himself to go to the gymnasium. I'm sorry to inform you, you're going to be without his services for the rest of the day. BENDER (to Vernon) B-O-O H-O-O! VERNON Everything's a big joke, huh Bender? The false alarm you pulled, Friday, false alarms are really funny, aren't they...What if your home, what if your family... (a beat) ...what if your dope was on fire? BENDER Impossible, sir...It's in Johnson's underwear... Andrew laughs. VERNON (to Andrew) You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's bitchin', is that it? Lemme tell you something. Look at him, he's a bum. (to everybody) You wanna see something funny? You go visit John Bender in five years! You'll see how God damned funny he is! (to Bender) What's the matter, John? You gonna cry? Let's go... Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder. BENDER Hey keep your fuckin' hands off me! I expect better manners from you, Dick! Bender takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and lays them in front of Andrew. BENDER For better hallway vision! Bender leaves but not before pushing stuff over on the way. CUT TO:21. INT. CLOSET - DAY Vernon has put Bender in a closet and is in there talking to him. VERNON That's the last time, Bender. That's the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, do you hear me? I make $31,000 dollars a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it away on some punk like you...But someday, man, someday. When you're outta here and you've forgotten all about this place... And they've forgotten all about you and you're wrapped up in your own pathetic life...I'm gonna be there. That's right. And I'm gonna kick the living shit out of you, man, I'm gonna knock your dick in the dirt! BENDER Are you threatening me? VERNON What're you gonna do about it? You think anybody's gonna believe you? You think anybody's gonna take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here, I'm a swell guy...you're a lying sack of shit! And everybody knows it. Oh, you're a real tough guy...come on, come on...get on your feet, pal! Let's find out how tough you are! I wanna know right now, how tough you are! Come on! I'll give you the first punch, let's go! Come on, right here, just take the first shot! Please, I'm begging you, take a shot! Come on, just take one shot, that's all I need, just one swing... Bender just sits there staring at Vernon. Vernon fakes a punch and Bender flinches. VERNON That's what I though...you're a gutless turd! Vernon leaves and locks the closet door after him. Bender climbs into a hatch in the ceiling and disappears. CUT TO:22. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY Bender is slowly crawling through a heating duct. BENDER (to himself) A naked blond walks into a bar, with a poodle under one arm and a two foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bar- tender says: "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." The naked lady says... The ceiling under Bender gives and he falls through. BENDER (screaming) Oh shit!!!! CUT TO:23. INT. FACILTY BATHROOM - DAY We see the door to the bathroom. We hear Vernon inside. VERNON (OS) Jesus Christ, allmighty! CUT TO24. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Bender walks down the stairs. BENDER I forgot my pencil... We hear Vernon in the hall. VERNON (OS) God damnit! What in God's name is going on in here? Vernon enters. VERNON What was that ruckus? ANDREW Uh, what ruckus? VERNON I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus! BRIAN Could you describe the ruckus, sir? VERNON Watch your tongue young man, watch it! We see Bender under the table by Claire's legs. He sits up and bangs his head on the table. He groans. Above the table, Andrew and Claire try to take credit for the noise by making more noise. VERNON What is that? What, what is that, what is that noise? Under the table, Bender looks between Claire's legs and can see her panties. He puts his head between Claire's legs. ANDREW What noise? CLAIRE Really, sir, there wasn't any noise... Claire squeels. She squeezes Bender's head between her knees. Everyone starts faking a coughing fit. CLAIRE (flustered) That noise? Was that the noise you were talking about? VERNON No, it wasn't. That was not the noise I was talking about. Now, I may not have caught you in the act this time, but you can bet I will. Allison laughs at Vernon. VERNON You make book on that missy! (to Claire) And you! I will not be made a fool of! He turns and walks away. We see that he still has the toilet seat cover stuck to his pants. Vernon leaves. Everyone laughs except Claire who lets Bender out to a barage of slaps. BENDER It was an accident! CLAIRE You're an asshole! BENDER So sue me... Bender gets up and walks over to Brian. BENDER So, Ahab...Kybo Mein Doobage... Brian gives Bender his bag of marajuana. Bender turns and walks away. ANDREW Yo waistoid...you're not gonna blaze up in here! Claire gets up and goes after him. Then Brian. ANDREW Shit... Andrew goes. CUT TO:25. INT. STAIRS - DAY We see Vernon go down the stairs. CUT TO:26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and laughing hysterically. Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out. Brian laughs at her. He exhales and tries to eat the smoke. He talks in a really weird voice. BRIAN Chicks, cannot hold der smoke! That's what it is! CLAIRE Do you know how popular I am? I'm so popular, everybody loves me so much, at this school... BENDER Poor baby. Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over. We see Andrew emerge from a really smokey room. He inhales another puff and then starts dancing to everybody's applause. He goes back in the room he was in. He screams and it shatters the glass in the door. CUT TO:27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY Vernon is glancing through the confidential files inthe school basement. VERNON (to himself) Mister, oh mister Tearney...a history of slight mental illness? Wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up! Carl enters. CARL Afternoon, Dick... VERNON Hey Carl, how you doin'? CARL Good... VERNON Good, what's up? CARL Not much, what's happening, what are you doing in the basement files? VERNON Oh, nothin' nothin' here. I'm just doin' a little homework here... CARL Homework, huh? VERNON Yeah... Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that Vernon was looking at. CARL Confidential files...hmmm? VERNON Look, Carl...this is a highly sensitive area and I, I tell you something...certain people would be very very embarrassed. I would really appreciate it if if if if this would be something that, that you and I could keep between us... CARL What're you gonna do for me, man? VERNON Well, well what would you like? CARL Got fifty bucks? VERNON What? CARL Fifty bucks... CUT TO:28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY We see Andrew and Brian laughing. Allison is hanging out over by the statue in the back of the library. ANDREW No no man, no; you got a middle name? BRIAN Yeah, guess... Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two. ALLISON Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke... Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion. ALLISON ...your birthday is March 12th, you're five-nine and a half you weigh a hundred and thirty pounds and your social security number is 0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1 (a beat) 3. Andrew is impressed. ANDREW Wow! Are you psychic? ALLISON No... BRIAN Well would you mind telling me how you know all this about me? Allison reaches in her bag. ALLISON I stole your wallet... She produces it in her hands and grins. BRIAN Give it to me... ALLISON No... BRIAN Give it! Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian glances through it to make sure nothing is missing. BRIAN This is great...you're a thief too! Huh? ALLISON I'm not a thief! BRIAN Multi-talented! ALLISON What's there to steal? Two bucks and a beaver shot! ANDREW A what? ALLISON He's got a nudie picture in there! I saw it, it's perverted! ANDREW Alright, let's see it! We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of Claire's cosmetic brushes. We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures. CLAIRE Are all these your girlfriends? BENDER Some of them... CLAIRE What about the others? BENDER Well, some I consider my girlfriends and some...I just consider... CLAIRE Consider what? BENDER Whether or not, I wanna hang out with them... CLAIRE You don't believe in just one guy, one girl? BENDER Do you? CLAIRE Yeah...that's the way it should be. BENDER Well, not for me... CLAIRE Why not? Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that. He acts defensive. BENDER How come you got so much shit in your purse? CLAIRE How come you got so many girlfriends? BENDER I asked you first... CLAIRE (shrugs) I dunno...I guess I never throw anything away. BENDER Neither do I... CLAIRE Oh... We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet. ANDREW This is the worst fake ID I've ever seen... Brian laughs. ANDREW Do you realize you made yourself sixty eight? BRIAN Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it... ANDREW What do you need a fake ID for? BRIAN (like it's obvious) So I can vote! Allison looks up suddenly. ALLISON You wanna see what's in my bag? BRIAN & ANDREW No! Allison looks hurt and then resentful. Just to spite them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch. Lots of stuff comes out. ANDREW Holy shit! What is all that stuff? BRIAN Do you always carry this much shit in your bag? ALLISON Yeah...I always carry this much shit ...in my bag...You never know when you may have to jam... BRIAN Are you gonna be like a shopping bag lady? You know like, sit in alleyways and like talk to buildings and wear men's shoes and that kinda thing? ALLISON I'll do what I have to do... BRIAN Why do you have to do anything? ALLISON (with feeling) My home life is un...satisfying... BRIAN So you're saying you'd subject yourself to the violent dangers of the Chicago streets because your homelife is unsatisfying? ALLISON I don't have to run away and live in the street...I can run away and, go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I can go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan... Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew. BRIAN Andy...you wanna get in on this? Allison here says, she wants to run away, because her home life is unsatisfying... ANDREW Well everyone's home lives are un- satisfying...If it wasn't, people would live with there parents forever... BRIAN Yeah, yeah I understand. But I think that her's goes beyond, you know, what guys like you and me... consider normal unsatisfying... ALLISON Nevermind...forget it, everything's cool! Allison starts putting everything back in her purse. ANDREW What's the deal? ALLISON No! There's no deal, Sporto. Forget it, leave me alone. ANDREW Wait a minute, now you're carrying all that crap around in your purse. Either you really wanna run away or you want people to think you wanna run away. ALLISON Eat shit! Allison gets up and walks away. BRIAN The girl is an island, with herself. Okay? Andrew gets up and goes after her. ANDREW Hi, you wanna talk? ALLISON No! ANDREW Why not? ALLISON Go away... ANDREW Where do you want me to go? ALLISON GO away! Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry. ALLISON You have problems... ANDREW Oh, I have problems? ALLISON You do everything everybody ever tells you to do, that is a problem! ANDREW Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite people into my problems...Did I? So what's wrong? What is it? Is is bad? Real bad? Parents? Allison is silently crying. ALLISON Yeah... Andrew nods. ANDREW What do they do to you? ALLISON They ignore me... ANDREW Yeah...yeah... They both are crying silently. CUT TO:29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY Vernon and Carl are sitting talking. VERNON What did you want to be when you were young? CARL When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon... VERNON Carl don't be a goof! I'm trying to make a serious point here...I've been teaching, for twenty two years, and each year...these kids get more and more arrogant. CARL Aw bull shit, man. Come on Vern, the kids haven't changed, you have! You took a teaching position, 'cause you thought it'd be fun, right? Thought you could have summer vacations off...and then you found out it was actually work...and that really bummed you out. VERNON These kids turned on me...they think I'm a big fuckin' joke... CARL Come on...listen Vern, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you, huh? VERNON Hey...Carl, you think I give one rat's ass what these kids think of me? CARL Yes I do... VERNON You think about this...when you get old, these kids; when I get old, they're gonna be runnin' the country. CARL Yeah? VERNON Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night... That when I get older, these kids are gonna take care of me... CARL I wouldn't count on it! Vernon ponders that statement for a moment. CUT TO:30. INT. LIBRARY - DAY They are sitting on the floor in a circle. ANDREW What would I do for a million bucks? Well, I guess I'd do as little as I had to... CLAIRE That's boring... ANDREW Well, how'm I s'posed to answer? CLAIRE The idea is to like search your mind for the absolute limit. Like, uh, would you drive to school naked? Andrew laughs. ANDREW Um, uh...would I have to get out of the car? CLAIRE Of course... ANDREW In the spring, or winter? CLAIRE It doesn't matter...spring... ANDREW In front of the school or in back of the school? CLAIRE Either one... ANDREW Yes... ALLISON I'd do that! They all look at her. ALLISON I'll do anything sexual, I don't need a million dollars to do it either... CLAIRE You're lying... ALLISON I already have...I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal...I'm a nymphomaniac! Claire rolls her eyes. CLAIRE Lie... BRIAN Are your parents aware of this? ALLISON The only person I told was my shrink... ANDREW And what'd he do when you told him? ALLISON He nailed me... CLAIRE Very nice... ALLISON I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape since I paid him. CLAIRE He's an adult! Allison is relishing this attention. ALLISON Yeah...he's married too! Claire notes her disgust. CLAIRE Do you have any idea how completely gross that is? ALLISON Well, the first few times... CLAIRE First few times? You mean he did it more than once? ALLISON Sure... CLAIRE Are you crazy? BRIAN Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink... ALLISON (to Claire) Have you ever done it? CLAIRE I don't even have a psychiatrist... ALLISON Have you ever done it with a normal person? CLAIRE Now, didn't we already cover this? BENDER You never answered the question... CLAIRE Look, I'm not gonna discuss my private life with total strangers. ALLISON It's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it? CLAIRE A what? ALLISON Well, if you say you haven't... you're a prude. If you say you have...you're a slut! It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do you wish you didn't, right? CLAIRE Wrong... ALLISON Or, are you a tease? ANDREW She's a tease... CLAIRE Oh why don't you just forget it... ANDREW You're a tease and you know it, all girls are teases! BENDER (to Andrew) She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot... CLAIRE I don't do anything! ALLISON That's why you're a tease... CLAIRE Okay, lemme ask you a few questions. Allison is suddenly defensive. ALLISON I've already told you everything! CLAIRE No! Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean don't you want any respect? ALLISON I don't screw to get respect...That's the difference between you and me... CLAIRE Not the only difference, I hope. BENDER Face it, you're a tease. CLAIRE I'm not a tease! BENDER Sure you are! You said it yourself sex is a weapon, you use it to get respect! CLAIRE No, I never said that, she twisted my words around. BENDER Oh then what do you use it for? CLAIRE I don't use it period! Claire is on the verge of tears. BENDER Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological? CLAIRE I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth! BENDER Well if you'd just answer the question... BRIAN Why don't you just answer the question? ANDREW Be honest... BENDER No big deal... BRIAN Yeah, answer it! ANDREW Answer the question, Claire! BENDER Talk to us! ANDREW & BRIAN Come on, answer the question! BENDER It's easy, it's only one question! Claire silences all of them by screaming. CLAIRE (screaming) No! I never did it! Silence for two beats. ALLISON I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar... CLAIRE You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to fuck me over! ALLISON I would do it though...If you love someone it's okay... CLAIRE I can't believe you, you're so weird. You don't say anything all day and then when you open your mouth...you unload all these tremendous lies all over me! ANDREW You're just pissed off because she got you to admit something you didn't want to admit to... CLAIRE Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre... ANDREW What's bizarre? I mean we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all. CLAIRE (to Andrew) How are you bizarre? Allison decides to field that question. ALLISON He can't think for himself... ANDREW She's right...do you guys know what, uh, what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester's buns together. Claire laughs. BRIAN (to Andrew) That was you? ANDREW (to Brian) Yeah, you know him? BRIAN Yeah, I know him... ANDREW Well then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too... CLAIRE Oh my God... ANDREW And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda... he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and...and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation...fucking humiliation he mustuv felt. It mustuv been unreal...I mean, (he's crying) I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I fucking hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore..."Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!" You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give...and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me... BENDER I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling. Andrew laughs briefly. BRIAN It's like me, you know, with my grades...like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I, when I look in at myself you know? And I see me and I don't like what I see, I really don't. CLAIRE What's wrong with you? Why don't you like yourself? BRIAN 'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing shop. See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um...and we had eight weeks to do it and we're s'posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s'posed to go on...my light didn't go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life... When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. 'Cause I thought, I'll take shop, it'll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average... BENDER Why'd you think it'd be easy? BRIAN Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop? BENDER I take shop...you must be a fuckin' idiot! BRIAN I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't make a lamp? BENDER No, you're a genius because you can't make a lamp... BRIAN What do you know about Trigonometry? BENDER I could care less about Trigonometry... BRIAN Bender, did you know without Trigonometry there'd be no engineering? BENDER Without lamps, there'd be no light! CLAIRE Okay so neither one of you is any better than the other one... Allison feels left out. ALLISON I can write with my toes! I can also eat, brush my teeth... CLAIRE With your feet? ALLISON ...play Heart & Soul on the piano. BRIAN I can make spaghetti! CLAIRE (to Andrew) What can you do? ANDREW I can...uh...tape all your buns together... BENDER I wanna see what Claire can do! CLAIRE I can't do anything. BENDER Now, everybody can do something... CLAIRE There's one thing I can do, no forget it, it's way too embarrassing. BENDER You ever seen Wild Kingdom? I mean that guy's been doing that show for thirty years. CLAIRE Okay, but you have to swear to God you won't laugh...I can't believe I'm actually doing this... Claire takes lipstick out and opens it. She places it between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage. When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect. Everyone claps. Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow. ANDREW All right, great! Where'd you learn to do that? CLAIRE Camp, seventh grade... BENDER That was great, Claire...my image of you is totally blown... ALLISON You're a shit! Don't do that to her you swore to God you wouldn't laugh! BENDER Am I laughing? ANDREW You fucking prick! Bender turns to Andrew. As he speaks, we can see his words hitting home. BENDER What do you care what I think, anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference...I may as well not even exist at this school, remember? (he turns to Claire) And you...don't like me anyway! CLAIRE You know, I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them! BENDER God, you're so pathetic! (furious) Don't you ever...ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fucking shut down if you didn't show up! "Queenie isn't here!" I like those earrings Claire. CLAIRE (quietly) Shut up... BENDER Are those real diamonds, Claire? CLAIRE (angry) Shut up! BENDER CLAIRE I bet they are...did you work, for the money Shut... for those earrings? Your mouth! BENDER Or did your daddy buy those? CLAIRE (furious) Shut up! Claire starts crying. BENDER I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fuckin' year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said "Hey! Smoke up Johnny!" Okay, so go home'n cry to your daddy, don't cry here, okay? There are a few beats. ANDREW My God, are we gonna be like our parents? CLAIRE Not me...ever... ALLISON It's unavoidable, it just happens. CLAIRE What happens? ALLISON When you grow up, your heart dies. BENDER Who cares? Allison is on the verge of tears herself. ALLISON I care... BRIAN Um, I was just thinking, I mean. I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering, um, what is gonna happen to us on Monday? When we're all together again? I mean I consider you guys my friends, I'm not wrong, am I? ANDREW No... BRIAN So, so on Monday...what happens? CLAIRE Are we still friends, you mean? If we're friends now, that is? BRIAN Yeah... CLAIRE Do you want the truth? BRIAN Yeah, I want the truth... CLAIRE I don't think so... ALLISON Well, do you mean all of us or just John? CLAIRE With all of you... ANDREW That's a real nice attitude, Claire! CLAIRE Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you're there with all the sports. I know exactly what you'd do, you'd say hi to him and when he left you'd cut him all up so your friends wouldn't think you really liked him! ANDREW No way! ALLISON 'Kay, what if I came up to you? CLAIRE Same exact thing! BENDER (furious and screaming at Claire) You are a bitch! CLAIRE Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch? BENDER No! 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do to someone! And you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell 'em that you're gonna like who you wanna like! CLAIRE Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don't you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? What about Andy for that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me. BENDER (furious once again) Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends, you don't look at any of my friends and you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends so you just stick to the things you know, shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW and your poor--rich--drunk mother in the Carribean! CLAIRE (furious and sobbing) Shut up! BENDER And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways at school, you can forget it! 'Cause it's never gonna happen! Just bury your head in the sand...and wait for your fuckin' prom! CLAIRE I hate you! BENDER Yeah? Good! There is silence until Brian speaks. BRIAN Then I assume Allison and I are better people than you guys, huh? Us weirdos... (to Allison) Do you, would you do that to me? ALLISON I don't have any friends... BRIAN Well if you did? ALLISON No...I don't think the kind of friends I'd have would mind... BRIAN I just wanna tell, each of you, that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't and I will not! 'Cause I think that's real shitty... CLAIRE Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us... Brian laughs at her. BRIAN You're so conceited, Claire. You're so conceited. You're so, like, full of yourself, why are you like that? CLAIRE (crying again) I'm not saying that to be conceited! I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say! BRIAN Well then why do you do it? CLAIRE I don't know, I don't...you don't understand..you don't. You're not friends with the same kind of people that Andy and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure that they can put on you! Brian is shocked. BRIAN I don't understand what? You think I don't understand pressure, Claire? Well fuck you! Fuck you! Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying. BRIAN Know why I'm here today? Do you? I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a gun in the locker... ANDREW Why'd you have a gun in your locker? BRIAN I tried. You pull the fuckin' trunk on it and the light's s'posed to go on...and it didn't go on, I mean, I... ANDREW What's the gun for Brian? BRIAN Just forget it... ANDREW You brought it up, man! BRIAN I can't have an F, I can't have it and I know my parents can't have it! Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only a B. And everything's ruined for me! CLAIRE (with pity) Oh Brian... Brian bashes a chair over. BRIAN So I considered my options, you know? CLAIRE No! Killing yourself is not an option! BRIAN Well I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so! ALLISON It was a hand gun? BRIAN No, it was a flare gun, went off in my locker. ANDREW Really? Andrew starts to laugh. BRIAN It's not funny... They all start to laugh, including Brian. BRIAN Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was destroyed! ALLISON You wanna know what I did to get in here? Nothing...I didn't have anything better to do. Everyone laughs. ALLISON You're laughing at me... ANDREW No! Allison starts to laugh too. ALLISON Yeah you are! CUT TO:31. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Later. We see Brian putting a record on and then music starts. We see them all dancing. This goes on for the duration of the song. CUT TO:32. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY We see Bender crawling back through the heating duct. CUT TO:33. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Andrew, Allison, Claire and Brian are sitting, in that order on the railing. CLAIRE Brian? BRIAN Yeah? CLAIRE Are you gonna write your paper? BRIAN Yeah, why? CLAIRE Well, it's kinda a waste for all of us to write our paper, don't you think? BRIAN Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us to do... CLAIRE True, but I think we'd all kinda say the same thing. BRIAN You just don't want to write your paper...Right? CLAIRE True, but, you're the smartest, right? BRIAN (with pride) Oh, well... CLAIRE We trust you... Brian glances over at Allison and Andrew who nod in approval. ANDREW Yeah... BRIAN All right, I'll do it... CLAIRE Great... Claire looks at Allison who looks back. CLAIRE (to Allison) Come on... ALLISON Where're we going? CLAIRE Come on! We see Claire putting eye make-up on Allison. CLAIRE Don't be afraid. ALLISON Don't stick that in my eye! CLAIRE I'm not sticking it, just close... just go like that... Claire closes her eyes. Allison mimics her. CLAIRE Good... Claire puts the make-up on her and Allison squeals. CLAIRE You know you really do look a lot better without all that black shit on your eyes... ALLISON Hey...I like that black shit... CLAIRE This looks a lot better...look up. We see Brian thinking about what he's going to write. We see Andrew just thinking. We see Allison and Claire again. Claire is still putting make-up on Allison. ALLISON Please, why're you being so nice to me? CLAIRE 'Cause you're letting me. We see Brian begin to write. We see Andrew, still deep in thought. CUT TO:34. INT. CLOSET - DAY We see Bender, in the closet once again. Claire opens the door and enters. BENDER You lost? Claire stares at him. Bender smiles. Claire smiles. CUT TO:35. INT. LIBRARY - DAY Brian is busily preparing the essay. Andrew looks up and sees the newly made over Allison and is in awe. Allison walks towards him and stops when she notices Brian staring at her with his mouth open. She glares at him. BRIAN Cool! ALLISON (smiling) Thank you! CUT TO:36. INT. CLOSET - DAY Claire kisses Bender, then she breaks the kiss. BENDER Why'd you do that? CLAIRE 'Cause I knew you wouldn't. BENDER You know how you said before, how your parents used you to get back at each other...wouldn't I be outstanding in that capacity? CLAIRE Were you really disgusted about what I did with my lipstick? BENDER Truth? CLAIRE Truth... Bender nods and speaks at the same time. BENDER No... CUT TO:37. INT. LIBRARY - DAY We see Brian lift up his paper and kiss it. We see Andrew and Allison. ANDREW What happened to you? ALLISON Why? Claire did it! What's wrong? ANDREW Nothing's wrong, it's just so different. I can see your face. ALLISON Is that good or bad? ANDREW (laughing) It's good! Allison smiles. We see Brian laugh and give himself a congratulatory punch in the arm. CUT TO:38. INT. HALLWAY - DAY The five are walking down the hall where they are met by Carl, sweeping up. Brian nods at him. CARL See ya Brian... BRIAN Hey Carl... BENDER (to Carl) See you next Saturday... CARL You bet! CUT TO:39. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY Brian gets into his dad’s car and leaves. Andrew and Allison kiss, Allison rips a patch off Andrew’s jacket and gets into the car. Andrew's dad arrives and looks at him, then at Allison. Andrew gets into the car and they drive off. We see Claire take out one of her diamond earrings and put it into Benders hand. They kiss and she gets into her car. She leaves. We see Bender put the earring in his ear. CUT TO:40. INT. LIBRARY - DAY We see Vernon pick up Brian's essay and begin to read. BRIAN (VO) Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. CUT TO:41. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY We see Bender walking towards us as Brian's monologue continues. BRIAN (VO) (CONT'D) But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... ANDREW (VO) ...and an athlete... ALLISON (VO) ...and a basket case... CLAIRE (VO) ...a princess... BENDER (VO) ...and a criminal... BRIAN (VO) Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club. We see Bender walking across the football field as he thrusts his fist into the air in a silent cheer and freezes there. The Breakfast Club Starring... Andrew Clark.............Emilio Estevez Richard Vernon...........Paul Gleason Brian Johnson............Anthony Michael Hall Carl.....................John Kapelos John Bender..............Judd Nelson Claire Standish..........Molly Ringwald Allison Reynolds.........Ally Sheedy

unformated_scripts/Script_Chasing Sleep.txt

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+INT. BEDROOM - NIGHTEd lies awake in bed.  He is sweaty and nervous.  His eyes are wide-open, blood-shot and tired.He picks up his bedside clock which is ticking loudly.  It is 3:37.He looks over at the other side of thequeen-size bed. It is still made. He picks a long, blonde hair from thepillow and examines it curiously.There is a noise outside and Ed gets up to investigate.INT. HALLWAY - NIGHTEd walks through the dark hallway and into the living room of his small house.INT. LIVING ROOMBy the front door, hanging on the wall, is aframed picture of Eve, Ed's wife. Ed passes by it and looks outsidethrough the window. There is some wind outside, but nothing else.INT. BATHROOMEd looks longingly at his reflection. Ed Saxon,45, is a morbid, insecure man. His frustration with his life has tingedhis sense of humor with an acerbic bite. His early success, a fewpublications of his poetry, has given him a professorship at theUniversity. He is well-read, intelligent, a bit pompous andoccasionally condescending. But mostly, these qualities are restrainedand his outward appearance is a little sorrowful. There is anunquestionable charm about him, and its effect is evident in the peoplearound him.He searches through the medicine cabinet, whichis full of women's items, and takes out a Cosco-sized bottle ofsleeping pills. He reads the back and takes two.He hears something bang against the front door.INT. LIVING ROOMHe opens the front door and takes a step outside.EXT. PORCH - NIGHTHe looks down by his feet and finds the morningpaper, wrapped in blue plastic, lying on the doormat. He picks it upand goes back inside.INT. LIVING ROOMEd stands helplessly in the empty living room.  Ed's desk sits on one side of the living room,crammed into the corner. He searches quickly through the stuff on thedesk and finds a small address book. He finds a name in the book anddials the number.SUSIE(over phone)Hello?EDSusie.  Hi, it's Ed.  I'm sorry I woke you up.SUSIEIs something wrong?EDEve isn't there, is she?SUSIENo.  She's not there?EDNo.  She didn't come home after work.SUSIEOh, no.  Didn't she call or anything?EDNo.  She was supposed to be home around six.  I cooked her dinner.SUSIECould she have gone anywhere else?EDI don't think so.  Do you?SUSIEI don't know.EDI'm a little worried.SUSIEI bet.  Did you call Harborview?EDNo.  Do you think I should?SUSIEYeah.  If she got into an accident of something, they would take her there.EDYou don't think that's overreacting?SUSIEDon't be silly.  Just call them.  It can't hurt.EDAlright.  But if she comes home later and it turns out to be nothing, don't tell her I called the hospital, OK?SUSIECall me back.EDAlright.Ed finds the Yellow Pages and finds a page of"non-emergency" numbers. His finger runs down the list: Trauma, Fire,Disaster, etc. until he comes to Hospitals and then Harborview. Hedials the number.OPERATORHarborview.EDHello.  I wanted to find out if someone had come in.  In an emergency, maybe.OPERATORHold on.She transfers him and the phone rings again.NURSEEmergency room.EDI wanted to find out if someone had been brought in.NURSEWhat's the last name?EDSaxon.  Eve Saxon.NURSEAre you a relative?EDShe's my wife.NURSEOne second.  No.  No one with last name Saxon.EDAre there any other hospitals that I could check?NURSEWell, we serve as the emergency room for King County,so unless they specified a hospital, they would have been brought here.In an emergency.EDOK.  Thank you.He calls Susie back.SUSIEWhat happened?EDNothing.SUSIEJeez.  Did you guys have a fight?EDNo.  No.SUSIEDid you call the school?EDYeah, a while ago.  No one answered the phone there.SUSIEIt's not like her to not call, is it?EDNo, she would have called.SUSIEWhy don't you call the police?EDThe police?SUSIEMaybe they know something?  Like if she was in an accident.EDIt's going a little far, don't you think?SUSIEI don't know.  If you're worried...It's not like the police have anything better to do.EDI guess.  OK.  I'll call you tomorrow.  Sorry to wake you up.SUSIEIt's OK.  Call me tomorrow.He hangs up.INT. KITCHEN - NIGHTEd looks around the kitchen, searching lazilyfor something to eat. He opens a cabinet that is full of boxes offat-free Skin-EE( chocolate-marshmallow cookies.He opens the fridge, looks around and takes theplate of food he made for his wife. He takes off the cellophane andstarts to eat.He sits at the table, but after a few more bites, he loses his appetite. INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTEd sits at his desk, staring at the phone.  He takes a breath and calls 911.OPERATOR911 emergency.EDHi.  I don't think this is an emergency.OPERATORWhat's the problem?EDMy wife hasn't come home and, I don't know..I wanted to check with the police to see if there was an accident.OPERATORWhen was the last time you saw her?EDThis morning.  She was supposed to come home from work, but she didn't.OPERATORWhen does she get off work?EDAround six.  Usually.OPERATORShe hasn't called since then?EDNo.OPERATORDo you have any idea where she might have gone?  Maybe to a friend's house?EDI don't think so.  I called the only place I could think of.OPERATORBut you were expecting her home.EDYes.  I cooked dinner.OPERATORI could send a police officer to your house.EDDo you think that's necessary?  Maybe I should wait.OPERATORUntil when?  It's five in the morning.EDMaybe she went somewhere.OPERATORWhere?EDI don't know.  Should I be worried?OPERATORI would be.EDYes, I'm worried.OPERATORSo, do you want me to send an officer to your house?EDI don't think so.  I think I should wait.OPERATORDo you think she's going to come home soon?EDI hope so.OPERATORSo do I.  How long are you going to wait?EDA little longer.  I think I may be overreacting.  She might have gone somewhere I can't think of.  Sometimes I worry too much.OPERATOROK.  It's up to you.  My name is Paul.  I'll be here if you change your mind.Ed hangs up.INT. BATHROOMEd takes the sleeping pills from the medicine cabinet and takes two more.INT. HALLWAYEve has a small room in the house that Ed iscautious about entering. He walks in and looks around, as if he hasn'tbeen in there for a while.INT. EVE'S ROOMThe room is painted sky-blue and the ceiling has clouds painted on it.On one side of the room, there is a console piano with some sheet music resting on it.On the other side of the room is a small,antique writing desk. Ed sits down and looks at some of the items lyingon it. There are a couple of letters and an address book. There is abox containing paper clips, etc. There is an open box of Skin-EE(cookies.There is a drawer in the desk which he tries toopen, but finds that it is locked. He searches around the desk for akey, but can'' find one. He presses a little harder at the drawer, butit won't budge. He takes a letter opener from a jar on the desk andstarts to fidget with it, but he still can't open it.Then he hears some distant voices coming fromoutside. He looks out the window where he can see the house next door.There is a light on in the neighbor's window, where the voices arecoming from, and some vague shadows move around inside. Ed turns offthe lights in Eve's room, so that he can see more clearly.From the muffled sounds, it is soon clear that the couple next door is having an argument.Only the woman's voice is clear.WOMANI hate you! Stay away from me! Don't touch me! Just goto sleep! I'll scream! I am not screaming now! You don't know anythingabout me!Then the noise dies down and the woman can be heard sobbing in the distance.INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTEd picks up the phone and dials 911.OPERATOR911 emergency.EDHi.  I called before.  I think I was talking to Paul.OPERATORHold on.Paul comes on the line.OPERATORThis is Paul.EDHi.  I called before.  My wife hasn't come home.OPERATORYes.  I remember.  You want me to send an officer over?EDYes.OPERATORWhat's your address?ED4523 East Street.OPERATORHe should be there in a few minutes.  OK?EDYes.  Thank you.OPERATORYou did the right thing, sir.Ed hangs up. Almost instantly, he sees somelights pass by the window. He looks through the window and sees apolice car pull up. He opens the door and watches the officer as heapproaches the house.OFFICER STEWART is a youngish patrolman.  He is relaxed, caring and formal.STEWARTYou called the police?EDYes.  It was me.  That was fast.STEWARTThank you.EDCome in.Stewart is led a few steps into the living room.  He looks around.STEWARTYour wife didn't come home?  Is that right?EDYes.STEWARTWhen was the last time you saw her?EDWhen she left for work this morning.  She was supposed to come home after work.  I cooked dinner.STEWARTAnd she made it to work, right?EDYes.  I think so.  I don't know.STEWARTWhat time does she usually come home?  Around six?EDYes.  Usually.STEWARTWhat does she look like?EDShe's blonde, straight hair.STEWARTWhat was she wearing?  Do you remember?EDI think it was a red sweater and a dress.STEWARTWhat kind of car does she drive?EDA Volvo.  Gray.  '85, I think.Stewart lets out a sigh of relief.STEWARTWell, you had me worried. There was a blonde womaninvolved with a car-jacking around six. Apparently she was hit on thehead by one of the perpetrators and then wandered away from theincident in a daze. Nobody's seen her since. When I got the call on theradio, I thought that must have been your wife, but this woman wasdriving a Pathfinder and was wearing jeans, so it probably wasn't her.You had me worried.EDShe drove a Volvo.  Drives a Volvo.STEWARTThat's a relief.  Do you know anywhere your wife might have gone?EDI called the only place I could think of.  And I called the hospital.STEWARTHarborview?EDYes.Stewart takes a couple of pills from a bottle and takes them, chasing them down with a coffee he has with him.STEWARTI'm afraid there's not much I can do now. By law, wecan't put out a missing persons until 72 hours has elapsed since thelast time she was seen.ED72 hours?STEWARTUsually in these cases, it was something stupid. Maybeshe was upset about something, had to get away. Who knows? What I cando is take the license plate number of her car and if it shows up forsome reason, we'll give you a call. Do you have your wife's licenseplate number?EDYes.  Actually, it's easy to remember.  007 FEC.STEWARTJames Bond.EDRight.  And FEC, For Every Child.STEWARTAnd what's her name?EDEve.  Eve Saxon.STEWARTAnd your name?EDEd.  Saxon.STEWARTLike I said, it was probably something stupid.  Did you have a fight?EDNot at all.STEWARTWell, you should try to get some sleep and, if shedoesn't show up tomorrow, give us a call and we'll see what things looklike then. OK?EDYes.  Thank you.STEWARTUsually, they come back.EDYes.  Thank you.  I feel much better now.  Thank you for coming.STEWARTNo problem.  You have a good night.  Or morning, I guess.EDYes.  You too.Ed shuts the door. He's a little wired so hesits at his desk and picks up a pile of his students' papers. He readsthe one on top, marking it with a red pen as he does.He hears a gurgling noise coming quietly from the bathroom.  He gets up and walks into the-INT. BATHROOMHe looks around the bathroom, tracing the soundto the bathtub drain. It gets louder as he approaches it, but before hecan investigate, there is a knock on the front door.INT. LIVING ROOM - DAYWhen Ed comes out to answer the door, it is now bright daylight outside.  The sun is streaming in through the windows.Through the washed-out sunlight outside his window, Ed can see a policecar parked in front of his house. Someone knocks again and Ed answers the door.As he does, he picks up the mail that has been dropped through the slotin the door.DETECTIVE DERM, 46, stands outside in plainclothes. Derm is, above all, a nice man. Experience has given him aknowing stare, but he is affable, not suspicious. He is consistentlyprofessional and genuinely concerned.EDHello.DERMMr Saxon?EDYes.DERMSorry to wake you up.EDI wasn't asleep.DERMOh.  I called a few times and when there wasn't any answer I thought I better come over.EDWhat time is it?DERMAbout 3:30.ED3:30?  Maybe I did fall asleep.  Damn.DERMI'm Detective Derm of the Seattle Police Department.  You called last night about your wife.EDYes.DERMWe found her car this morning.  On Capitol Hill.  Actually, somebody called it in.  It was running.EDRunning?DERMDid your wife come home last night?EDNo.DERMDid she go to work today?EDI don't know.  I haven't called.DERMDo you have a number for her there?EDSure.Ed picks up the phone and dials from memory.DERMWhy don't you let me?He hands Derm the phone.DERMHi, this is Detective Derm of the Seattle Police. I waswondering if Mrs Eve Saxon had come into work today, or called in, anyword from her. Yes. Since yesterday. Did you see her leave yesterday?Yes. About what time was that? I'm not sure. Is she calls, or comes in,could you please ask her to call me. My number is 734-9722, extension38. Thank you. Bye.He hangs up.DERMShe hasn't been in today.EDMy God.DERMShe hasn't called here at all?EDNo.DERMAny messages?He points to the answering machine.  It is blinking, full of messages.EDI must have been asleep.DERMThat happens.EDI was up late last night.  DERMI understand.  Why don't we listen to these messages?EDAlright.Ed pushes the button on the machine.The first message is from Eve's work.CELESTE(on machine)Hi, this is Celeste, calling for Eve. We're worriedabout you. You don't come in. You don't call. No, seriously, we justwant to make sure you're OK. Don't worry about your students. Marie'scovering for you. But give us a call, OK? Bye.EDThat's the school where Eve works.  She's a piano teacher at Franklin High.Then there's a message for Ed.MRS MASTRIONI(on machine)Hello, Mr Saxon. This is Mrs Mastrioni from theUniversity. You didn't show up for your morning class and I'm callingto see if you'll be in for your other classes so that I can make theproper arrangements. I assume you remember how to use the phone.EDDamn.DERMYou're a teacher too?EDA professor at the University.The next message is Derm.DERM(on machine)Hello, this is Detective Derm from the Seattle Police Department...Derm takes a small pill box from his overcoat, while the machine plays in the background.DERMThat's me.  Do you have a glass of water?EDSure.Ed goes into the -INT. KITCHEN- and fills a glass for the detective.INT. LIVING ROOMWhen he comes back, he sees Derm casuallylooking over the woman's magazines on the coffee table. Derm picks up afilled-in New York Times Sunday Crossword and looks it over.DERMYour wife did this?EDYes.DERMSmart woman.  The acrostic, too.Ed hands Derm the water.DERMThank you.  Meanwhile the next message comes on.  It is a girl from Ed's class.SADIE(on machine)Hello, Mr Saxon? This is Sadie, from your creativewriting class. Anyway, you didn't show up today and I just wanted tosee if you were OK and, you know, if there was any reading or anythingyou wanted us to do. My number is 323-4854. I hope you're alright. Bye.DERMA student?EDYes.DERMDo they call you often?EDNo, but they all have my number.The next message is from Susie.SUSIE(on machine)He, Ed. I just wanted to find out what happened lastnight. If Eve ever showed up, or what happened. Call me at work,672-5695.EDI thought she might have gone over there last night.  Excuse me, I better call the University.The next message is Detective Derm again and it plays behind Ed's conversation.EDHi, Mrs Mastrioni?MRS MASTRIONI(over phone)Yes.EDThis is Ed Saxon.MRS MASTRIONIOh, yes.  Didn't make it in today, huh?EDI guess not.MRS MASTRIONIThere were students waiting for you.EDYes, I know.  It's a personal matter.MRS MASTRIONIA personal matter, huh?EDThat's right.MRS MASTRIONISo you'll be in tomorrow.EDYes, tomorrow.MRS MASTRIONIOr you'll call.EDOr I'll call, yes.  Hello?  Hello?Ed hangs up, having been hung up on.  He turns around to see Derm standing right by, listening to his call.The next message is from George Simian, a manwho works with Eve. His cautious voice makes it known that it is weirdthat he is calling. Ed pays special attention to this call.GEORGEHi, Eve. This is George, from school. You didn't comeinto work today and I just wanted to make sure everything was OK. Iguess I'll see you tomorrow.DERMWho's that?EDSome guy she worked with.  P.E. teacher, I think.DERMI see.  Mr Saxon, does your wife have an address book?EDYes.DERMCould I see it, please?  And a picture, if you have one.EDCertainly.Ed heads into -INT. EVE'S ROOM- and picks up the small address book from the desk.INT. LIVING ROOMHe hands the address book and takes a picture of Eve from his desk, removing from the frame.DERMGreat.Derm flips through the address book and a business card falls out.  Derm picks it up and looks it over.DERMGeorge Simian.  Is that the same George that called?EDYes.DERMThis address, this George Simian lives on Capitol Hill, where we found your wife's car.EDReally?DERMMay I borrow this?EDI suppose.DERMI'll call the numbers in here and see what I can turn up.  Try no to worry, Mr Saxon.  I'll be in touch.EDYes, thank you.Derm leaves.  Ed shuts the door and locks it.The phone rings and Ed picks it up.EDHello.SADIE(over phone)He, Mr Saxon?EDYes?SADIEHi, it's Sadie Crumb, from your creative writing class.EDOh, yes.  Hi.SADIEAre you OK?  Is this a bad time to call?EDNo.  It's alright.SADIEI was, I don't know, wondering if you were sick or something, when you didn't come to class.EDNo, well, a little.SADIEDo you need anything?  I mean, I could bring you something.EDNo, I don't think so.SADIEReally, it's no problem.  Have you eaten?EDNo, but...SADIEI can bring you something to eat.  It's no problem.  Some soup or something.EDReally, I don't know if it's a good idea.SADIEOh, I'm sorry.EDNo, don't be.  It's just that I don't feel too well.SADIEThat's OK.  I used to volunteer at a hospital.EDReally?SADIEYeah, I was a candy striper.EDYou're kidding.SADIEWhat I mean is, I'm used to it.  You know, sick people.EDYeah?  OK.SADIEWhere do you live?ED4523 East Street.SADIEI'll be there soon.EDOK.SADIEOh.  Do you not eat meat, or anything?EDNo.  I eat anything.SADIEGreat.  Bye.Ed hangs up the phone.  He walks into the -INT. BATHROOMHe looks in the mirror.  His hair is a mess and he is unshaven.  He looks tired.  He turns on the shower.INT. BEDROOMEd takes off his clothes and walks back into the -INT. BATHROOMHe puts his hand under the water.  It isn't warm yet, so he picks up his toothbrush and puts some paste on it.Then he hears a piano playing, behind the sound of the shower.  It can hardly be heard.EDEve?INT. EVE'S ROOMHe looks around Eve's room quickly.  There is no one there.  Ed goes back to the -INT. BATHROOMHe comes back into the bathroom.  The music has stopped and all that can be heard is the shower filling up the tub.The water is about ankle-deep.EDDamn.Ed reaches into the drain and pulls out a clumpof Eve's hair. He throws it into the toilet and then gets in theshower. The drain is obviously still clogged up. He is up to his kneesin soapy water.INT. HALLWAY - NIGHTAs Ed comes out of the shower, he sees that it is completely dark.  There is a knock on the door.EDHold on!  One second!Ed grabs Eve's robe from the back of the bathroom door.INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTEd answers the door.SADIE, 18, is the kind of girl who always hassomething to say in class, who has always done her homework and who hasdefinite ideas about her future and the future of the planet. She isinnocent and naÔve, nice and well-mannered. But also pushy andmanipulative, used to getting her way.SADIEHi, it's me.EDOh, hi.SADIEAre you OK?EDI didn't think you'd be here so fast.SADIEIt's almost eight.EDOh.  I seem to be having a little trouble with time.SADIEI know what you mean.  I'm one of those people who is always late.EDCome in.SADIEI hope you don't mind me coming over like this. Itdidn't occur to me that it might be a little strange until after I hungup. It's just, well, at my high school, I went to boarding school, andwe were pretty close with our teachers.EDIt's nice.  Kindness.  Very refreshing.SADIEI brought you some soup.EDI better get some clothes on.  Make yourself at home.SADIEOK.INT. BEDROOM Ed gets dressed. As he does, he notices a pileof Eve's clothes on the floor. He picks them up and puts them in thecloset, on top of a pile of Eve's dirty laundry.INT. LIVING ROOMWhen Ed comes out, Sadie has put the soup in a bowl and set a place at the table.SADIEI put it in a bowl for you.  I hope you don't mind.EDThank you.Ed sits down and tastes the soup.EDIt's good.SADIEI got it at my favorite place.  You don't mind me hanging out for a little while, do you?EDNo.  I could use the company.  Like I said, I haven't been feeling very well.Sadie notices the pile of papers on Ed's desk.SADIEOh, you graded our papers.EDSome of them.SADIECan I look?EDSure.Sadie looks through the papers.  She finds hers marked with a C minus.SADIEOh.EDWhat is it?SADIEI just...I guess I though this one was better.EDLet me see.Ed looks over the paper for a second.  He takes a pen and crosses out the C and changes it to an A.EDI was in a bad mood when I graded these.SADIEDon't change it if it's not good.EDIt's just a grade.SADIEPlease don't.  No.  Don't.  Please.Sadie takes the paper away from him.EDSorry.  I didn't mean to.SADIEIt's just. I don't think you're doing me any favors byletting me off easy. I mean, I'm hear to learn. It means a lot to me todo well in your class. You're the best teacher I've had since I came tothe University.EDHow long has that been?SADIEWell, I'm still a freshman, but I've met a lot ofteachers and I'm very discerning. Before I took your class I went tothe library and looked up your work.EDYou're kidding.SADIENo.  I read all your poems, or all they had.  The ones in the New Yorker and in Poetry Magazine, and two short stories.EDWhat did you think?SADIEI loved them; the poems especially. I mean, they'redark, but they're so...true. Really. I really got into them. Iphotocopied one and put it on my wall. I hope you don't mind.EDWhich one?SADIE"The Passion of my Youth". It is so intense. "Her eyesblew gently, purposefully by my ears, echoing gentle pulses of blisswhich bounced and fired like a chill on my whole being, leaving just atrace to fuel my longing."EDMy wife like that poem.SADIEYou're married.EDYes.SADIEWhere's your wife?EDShe's at her mother's.  She's gone for a while.SADIEOh.There is an awkward silence.SADIEMay I use the bathroom?EDSure.  Go ahead.Sadie takes her purse and goes into the bathroom.  Ed finishes his soup.  The phone rings and he picks it up.EDHello.GEORGEIs this Ed?EDYes.GEORGEThis is George Simian.EDYes.GEORGEWhere's Eve?EDWhy do you want to talk to Eve?GEORGEWhat have you done?EDExcuse me?GEORGEYou've done something.  I know you have.EDWhat are you talking about?GEORGEThe police found her car near my house.  They think I have something to do with her disappearance.EDMaybe it's because you were fucking her.GEORGEYou son of a bitch.  What did you do?  If you hurt her, I swear, I'm going to kill you.EDLook, she disappeared.  I haven't seen her.  Why do you think I called the police?GEORGEI'll kill you.  I'll kill you, you bastard.  I swear.Ed hangs up. He is shaky, but also strangelyexhilarated. He turns off the ringer on the phone and turns down thevolume on the answering machine.INT. KITCHENHe brings the rest of the soup to the sink,scrapes it into the garbage disposal, and flicks the switch. When thefood has gone down, he starts to wash the dishes. He stops and looksback to the bathroom.INT. HALLWAYEd walks over to the bathroom door.EDSadie?There is no answer.  He knocks on the door.EDSadie?  Is everything alright?There is still no answer.EDI'm coming in.  OK?INT. BATHROOMEd opens the door. Sadie is lying on the floor,passed out. Her pants are around her knees, as if she passed out whilestanding up from the toilet.Her nose is bleeding, like she might have hit it on the way down.  It has bled on her sweater.The air from the open door wakes her up, but she is in a heavy daze.EDAre you alright?  My God.  What happened?Ed comes over to her and lifts her head.  She stares at him strangely.EDCan you stand?  Do you understand me?  I'll help you to the bedroom.Sadie notices her pants are down.SADIEOh.EDI'll wait outside.INT. HALLWAYEd waits outside and, a second later, Sadiecomes out, still reeling, clutching her purse. She leans on Ed, wholeads her into the bedroom.INT. BEDROOMSadie lies down on the bed.EDYou want some water.SADIEYes, please.Ed goes into the -INT. KITCHENHe takes a glass from the cupboard and fills itup. He stops, having noticed something on the glass. He holds the glassup to the light. Eve's lipstick is clearly marked on the rim.He puts that glass down and fills another.INT. BEDROOMWhen he comes back, he finds Sadie digging through her purse.  She pulls out an asthma inhaler and takes a couple of big hits.Then she sits on the bed and drinks a little water.  SADIEI'm so embarrassed.EDNo, don't be.SADIEGod, my nose.EDDoes it hurt?SADIENo, but the blood.EDMaybe you hit it when you fell.SADIEIt was so weird.  I heard someone's voice, a woman's voice.  Like a scream.  And then it was like all my blood left my body.EDSometimes you can hear the neighbors.SADIEIt was like it echoed around the bathroom.  Maybe I imagined it.  I've been taking these caffeine pills to stay awake.EDJust relax.SADIEI should go.EDI can't let you leave like this.SADIEI didn't mean to be such a burden.  I'm such a loser.  I am so sorry about this.It seems that her nose has stopped bleeding, but her sweater has a surprising amount of blood on it.EDI'll get you a towel.Ed leaves and then comes back with a wet towel.He starts to wipe the blood off her nose.SADIEI feel better now.  Thank you.EDDo you want me to drive you home?SADIEI'll be OK.EDMaybe you want me to call your roommate.SADIEMy roommate moved out.  She hated me.  She said I was immature, do you believe that?EDYour friends, then.SADIEI don't have any friends. I don't know what it is.People don't like me here. I thought it would be a good idea to go to aschool far away from home, but since I've been here, it's like, I spendall this time on my own. At my high school, my friends and I were soclose. I just don't get along with people anymore. I don't know what itis.EDYou get along with me.SADIEYou're the first person I've met since I've been here that talks to me like a real person.Ed walks over to the closet and takes out a sweater.EDYou can borrow this, if you want.  It's my wife's.SADIEShe wouldn't mind.EDNo.SADIEI bled so much.Ed gets up to give her some room.She slips out of her sweater and puts the other one on.Sadie looks at a picture next to the bed.SADIEIs this your wife?EDThat's my mother.  That picture is older than it looks.SADIEShe's so pretty.EDShe was young when that was taken.  She died a few years ago.SADIEThat's awful.  How'd she die?EDCancer.  It was quite an ordeal.  She died very slowly.SADIEThat's so sad.  I better go, huh?EDIt's getting late.INT. LIVING ROOMEd walks her to the door.SADIEI'm sorry about everything.EDDon't be sorry.  I'm glad you came.SADIEI'll see you tomorrow.EDTomorrow?SADIEIn school.  You'll be there, right?EDOh, yes.  I'll be there.SADIEBye.Sadie kisses him on the cheek and then leaves.Ed locks the door after her.INT. BATHROOMEd looks at the tub in the bathroom which is full of water.He sticks his finger deep into the drain, tryingto free whatever is in there. There is another tuft of hair, and againhe throws it into the toilet.The gurgling sound that he heard before has come back, resonating through the soapy water from the drain.INT. BASEMENTEd follows the gurgling sounds into the basement.He takes a flashlight from behind the basementdoor and shines it at the pipes that lead from the bathtub drain. Hecan hear the gurgling sound running through them. It sound like theyate something they can't digest. He reaches up and touches the pipe. Itseems to be leaking a little, or maybe it is condensation.Ed traces the noise to a larger sewage pipethat runs down into the basement floor. He watches the pipe, butslowly, his attention is drawn to the shadow next to the pipe.As he stares intently into the darkness of theshadow, a figure begins to emerge in the distance. The darkness beginsto change into a long hallway. A small figure is walking towards Ed andhis footsteps echo in the distance.Ed watches, mesmerized.The basement fades into the blackness, and now, the hallway becomes more clear.INT. HOSPITALIt is a very long hospital hallway, and the figure walking toward Ed is a doctor, carrying a clipboard.DOCTORMr Saxon.EDYes.DOCTORThere's nothing we can do for her now except toalleviate any pain she may be feeling. We have her on a morphine dripand we'll keep increasing the dosage as she shows any signs of pain.EDI see.  Can she understand me?DOCTORAt this point, probably not. She has so much morphinein her, I doubt she can even recognize you. But you never know.Actually, in cases like this, where the end is inevitable, I recommendthat we increase the dosage on the morphine drip at an acceleratedrate. There's no point in making this last longer than it has to.EDWhatever you think is best.The doctor nods, then walks into the hospitalroom where, we see now, Ed's MOTHER is lying in a hospital bed, hookedup to a digital IV. She is old, but looks older - she's been throughchemotherapy and radiation and they have all taken their toll.She stares at Ed with confused and desperate eyes.  It is hard to tell if she is looking at him or not.The doctor, at the door, has a few words with the NURSE, who then looks into the room.Ed sits next to his mother and takes her hand.  She stares at him.The nurse comes in and pushes a button on thedigital IV. Ed watches the LED numbers on the digital IV go up. Thenurse smiles an attempt at comfort, then leaves the room.Mother reacts to the higher dosage of morphine.Her eyes get wider and more delirious. She sits up a little and tensesher muscles. She lets go of Ed's hand and starts moving her arm up anddown.She starts shouting something.  At first, it is completely unintelligible, but slowly, it becomes clearer.MOTHERIT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! IT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL! IT MEANS YOU'RE GOING TO HELL!Ed stands up and backs away.  He backs out of the hospital room as his mother continues to scream.Ed backs into the hallway, which is now blackness.As he backs away, another noise starts to echo around him.  A banging.  A loud banging is coming from upstairs.Ed backs away and then runs upstairs.INT. HALLWAY - DAYAs Ed opens the basement door, he sees that it is bright daylight again.INT. LIVING ROOMEd opens the front door and before he can react, a fist hits him hard in the face.Ed falls to the ground, next to a pile of letters that has been dropped through the slot in the door.GEORGE SIMIAN walks in, wearing a track suit.George, 35, is a stronger man than Ed. He is better looking, too, or,at least, younger. He has a genuine honesty about him, like a big boy.It is this boyish quality that makes his anger seem uncontrollable.GEORGEYou son of a bitch.  Get up.Ed staggers to his feet. He tries to get a swingin at George, but George grabs him by the collar, hits him again, thenthrows him over the coffee table. Ed hits the phone and the answeringmachine on the way down.GEORGEEVE!When Ed doesn't say anything, George starts searching around the house.GEORGE(O.S.)EVE!Ed can hear George searching around in the other rooms.He gets up and sits on the couch, nursing his wounds.After a minute, George comes back into the living room.GEORGEWhat have you done?EDDon't hit me again.GEORGEYou son of a bitch.George sits down on a chair across from Ed.GEORGEYou son of a bitch.EDWhat did you think would happen?  Nothing?GEORGEYou did something.EDI did what I always do. I woke up, went to my shittyjob, came home and cooked dinner for my wife, who was too busy bouncingup and down on your bedsprings to cook it herself. Not exactly what Ihad planned for my life. The same boring shit as always. Why don't youleave?GEORGEI love her.  I'm sorry.  I know she's your wife.George is crying.  Ed, despite himself, is moved.EDWhat? Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now? Well, Iwon't. People think they can just carry on. They don't think that theremight be consequences to their actions. You won't find sympathy here.Why don't you just leave?GEORGEWhat did you do?EDI didn't do anything.  She didn't come home after work.George gets up and starts to leave.EDDon't come back here again.George stops when he hears this and turnstowards Ed with and angry look on his face. He grabs Ed's collar, pickshim up from the couch and slugs him hard across the head. Ed lands onthe floor, stunned and not moving.GEORGEI swear.  If I find out you did something to her, I'll kill you.Ed watches George leave and stays lying on the floor as George's car can be heard driving away outside.The telephone is lying on the floor, knocked offits cradle, just out of Ed's reach. Ed stares at it for a few seconds.It is making that beeping noise that phones make when they are off thehook too long.He slowly gets up and limps into the bathroom.INT. BATHROOMHe looks in the mirror. His eye is swelling upalready and his lip is bruised. He washes his lip off, and then takes atowel from the bathroom.INT. KITCHENHe fills the towel with ice and holds it to his head.INT. LIVING ROOMHe picks up the phone as he walks into theliving room and places it on the coffee table. He sits on the couch andstares at it for a second.Then he brings the phone over to his desk and finds Derm's business card.  He sits down at the desk and calls Derm.EDHello.  Detective?DERMMr Saxon?EDYes.DERMI've been trying to call you.EDYou found her.DERMNo.  I need to talk to you.EDDetective.  George Simian was just over here.  He hit me.DERMAre you OK?EDI think so.DERMDo you want me to call an ambulance?EDI don't need an ambulance.DERMI'll be right over.EDOK.He hangs up the phone.He sits at the desk, resting the ice on his forehead.Then he notices something under the sofa.  It grabs his attention.  He gets up for a closer look.There are dust bunnies and dust under the edgeof the sofa, like it hasn't been swept for a while. Ed kneels down andtries to peer under the sofa. It is dark underneath and he can't seeanything.He reaches his fingers under and sweeps out a few dust bunnies.Then he reaches a little further under the sofa and sweeps out Eve's pinkie finger.He recoils at the sight of this. The finger hasbeen neatly cut, as if by a sharp blade. Dust has clung to the clottedblood around the stump, but it is unquestionably a woman's pinkiefinger.He stares at it for a second, curiously disgusted.He goes to pick it up, decides he doesn't want to touch it, then uses a tissue to pick it up.He hurries to the bathroom.INT. BATHROOMHe drops the finger into the toilet with the tissue and flushes it.INT. LIVING ROOMHe hurries to the edge of the couch with a sponge and cleans up the small amount of blood and dust left there.INT. KITCHENHe squeezes the sponge out until it is clean, then puts it aside.He lets out a huge sigh of relief.INT. LIVING ROOMMuch of the ice has melted and the towel it was wrapped in is now soaking wet.INT. BATHROOMHe takes the towel into the bathroom and rings it out.Then he looks over at the toilet. The finger isstill there, floating like a cigarette butt. The water is pink from theblood, the tissue is gone, but the finger floats there defiantly.He flushes the toilet again, but this time stays to watch.  The water goes down, but the finger stays buoyant and won't go down.There is a knock on the front door.Ed takes a bunch of toilet paper from the rolland tosses it over the finger. He flushes again, but the tank hasn'tfilled up yet and, if anything, this makes it longer until it will fillup again.There is another impatient knock at the door.EDOne second!Ed sits there waiting, listening to the toilet tank filling.The knocking outside is becoming more impatient.The tank finally fills. Ed flushes and watches.This time the paper he threw in clogs the toilet and the bowl quicklyfills up with water.Ed reaches behind the toilet and turns off the water, stopping it from overflowing.He looks in the toilet and can't see the finger through the mess of toilet paper.There is another knock on the door. Ed closes the toilet lid.INT. HALLWAYEd shuts the bathroom door firmly, takes a breath, and hurries out to meet Derm.INT. LIVING ROOMEd answers the door.  Derm comes in with two assistants, MAZUREK and SNYDER.  Snyder is holding Ed's morning paper.DERMDamn.  You did take a couple of blows, didn't you.EDI was just putting some ice on it.DERMThat's the best thing for it. Try to keep the swellingdown. It's going to look worse tomorrow. You don't want to have adoctor examine you?EDIt's not necessary.DERMMr Saxon, Officer Mazurek and Officer Snyder.  They'll be assisting me.EDHi.MAZUREKHow's it going?SNYDERHere.  I brought this in.Snyder hands Ed the newspaper.EDThanks.DERMYou say it was George Simian who hit you?EDYes, he did.  He came barreling in here and hit me.  Several times.DERMDo you have any idea why he would come here?EDBecause he's a fucking asshole.DERMI should say that I'm concerned that he would comehere. Mr Simian has a history of violent behavior, in regards todomestic disputes.EDWhat kind of history?DERMNothing too serious. No felonies. But enough, I think,to warrant some concern. With your permission, I'd like to fill in acomplaint report for his assault on you, and as soon as we're finishedhere, I'll send these two over to arrest him, assuming he can be found.EDYou think he did something to Eve?DERMWe don't have any evidence that he's even seen yourwife she left her office and disappeared. We'll be arresting him solelyfor his assault on you.EDBut Eve's car.  You said you found her car near his house.DERMIt does no one any good to jump to conclusions.EDI guess I misunderstood.DERMWe're going to have to take some pictures of you forthe complaint report. The pictures will be used as evidence against MrSimian if this matter does, eventually, go to trial.EDFine.Derm turns to Snyder, who has heard this conversation, and Snyder begins to take pictures of Ed.DERMMr Saxon. These investigations can be quite demanding,especially when experiencing the trauma of loss. Do you understand whatI am saying?EDYes.DERMIf you feel that you need someone to talk to, at anytime, there are people, sometimes victims of similar situationthemselves, who are will to listen and would like to help.He hands Ed a business card which reads Human Support Services, and has some address and phone information on it.DERMAre you aware that your wife has been having an affair?EDWith George Simian?DERMYes.EDThe P.E. teacher.  I guess I should have known.DERMApparently your wife has been seeing him for some time.  Almost a year, in fact.EDA year?DERMDo you consider that you and your wife have a normal relationship?EDI don't know. Normal relationship. We get on eachother's nerves, have sex a few times a year, order pizza on Fridays.We've been married for ten years. It doesn't stay rosy forever. Maybeit isn't paradise, but that doesn't mean that I don't love her.DERMAre you having any other relationships?EDNo.DERMDoes your wife keep a diary?EDNo.  She isn't the type.DERMMr Saxon.  May I be frank?EDYes.  Please.DERMCases involving missing persons are not uncommon. Inmany cases, and that is not to say in every case, but in many cases,the results are unfortunate.EDMy God.DERMI'm not saying that you should give up hope, but myexperience tells me that you should prepare yourself for the worst.Now, having said that, we will do everything in our power to find yourwife.EDI understand.DERMNow, it's best if we can gather as much information aspossible, as quickly as possible. I'm sure you understand the urgencyhere.EDOf course.DERMIt will be necessary for us to search through some of your wife's personal items.EDI'm sure I can find whatever it is that you want.DERMIt's really in your wife's best interests if you allowus to do it. We won't disturb anything or touch anything without yourpermission.EDAlright.DERMHow about we start in the bedroom?EDThe bedroom.DERMYes.EDRight.  I'll show you.Ed stands up and leads them into the bedroom.INT. HALLWAYThey pass by the bathroom. The gurgling noisesfrom the plumbing echo around the hallway, and while the police don'tseem to pay it any mind, Ed can definitely hear it.INT. BEDROOMEd looks around the bedroom quickly before they go in.EDHere you go.  It's sort of a mess.DERMDo you know where your wife keeps her credit card receipts?EDYes.  Sure.  This way.Ed leads Derm to Eve's room, leaving the two assistants in the bedroom.INT. EVE'S ROOMEd goes over to Eve's writing desk and looks over the papers lying on top.DERMNice room.EDYou like it?DERMYeah.  Very Magritte.  It's like a nursery.EDI guess it is.  I always through it was more of a conservatory.DERMWith the piano.EDRight. She plays in here sometimes. It's nice. Wealways wanted to fix up the whole house, but, this is the only room wegot to.DERMThings always cost more than you think.EDYeah, I don't know what happened.  Anyway, we share a credit card, but she mostly uses her own.DERMIf someone has taken your wife, there's a chance theymight have used one of her credit cards. Or she might have used itherself.Ed pulls at the locked drawer in the writing table.EDI think she keeps the receipts in here, but I don't have a key.Derm looks at the lock.DERMLet me try.Ed gets out of the way and Derm sits in thechair to examine the lock more closely. He presses his thumbs againstthe desk and breaks the wood around the lock, forcing the drawer open.DERMThere we go.EDI could have done it if I wanted to break it.DERMI'm sure she'll understand.EDShe won't.  I promise.Ed sits back down and searches through the drawer.  He finds some credit card receipts and sorts through them.MAZUREKDetective Derm.Mazurek comes into the office carrying Sadie's sweater, which has blood all over it.Snyder follows Mazurek in and looks over Mazurek's shoulder.MAZUREKIt was under the bed, sir.Derm takes the sweater and looks at the blood on it.DERMIs this your wife's?EDNo.DERMThere's blood on this sweater, Mr Saxon.EDYes, I know. A student. Detective, this is going tosound awkward, I guess, but a student of mine came to the houseyesterday, after you were here. She was nervous, I suppose. She had abloody nose.DERMWhy would she have been nervous?EDI don't know, but she seemed nervous.DERMThat is awkward, isn't it.EDI suppose it is.  I gave her one of my wife's sweaters to wear home.  She must have left that one by accident.DERMBy accident?  Under the bed?EDI don't know.DERMWhat was her name?EDSadie.  Sadie Crumb.Derm finds a small, printed name-tag readingSadie Crumb sewn into the collar. Derm shows it to Mazurek and thenindicates for him to go back to the bedroom.Derm shows the label to Ed.DERMDo you have this girl's phone number?  I'd like to talk to her.EDI don't think so.  Maybe.Ed gets up and walks into the -INT. LIVING ROOM- where his desk is.  He searches around and quickly finds a photocopy of a hand-written list of phone numbers.DERMI should call her.EDSure.  Here.He hands him the phone.  Derm dials the number.EDI didn't tell her about my wife.  I didn't see any reason to.Derm reaches into his pocket and pulls out aroll of Tums. He takes a couple and chews them and it obviously puts abad taste in his mouth.DERMCould I trouble you for a glass of water?EDSure.Ed walks into the -INT. HALLWAYHe passes by the bathroom and stops by thebedroom door. He looks into the bedroom where the officers aresearching through his stuff. They find a copy of Hustler Magazine andthey chuckle about it, before they notice Ed watching them.As he watches, he can hear Derm talking to Sadie.DERM(O.S.)Hi. May I speak to Sadie Crumb, please? This isDetective Derm of the Seattle Police Department. Can I ask you a fewquestions?The officers turn and stare at Ed until he leaves.INT. KITCHENEd takes a glass from the cupboard. He takes itover to the sink and fills it with water. The tap makes enough noise sothat he can't hear anything else.INT. HALLWAYAs Ed passes the bathroom door, the gurglingnoises from the plumbing get louder. He makes sure the door is firmlyshot and then brings the glass of water to Derm.INT. LIVING ROOMDerm hangs up the phone and drinks the water.DERMThank you.EDWell?DERMShe sounded very nice.  You know, I think she left her sweater under your bed on purpose.EDWhy would she do that?DERMSo that she'd have a reason to come back.EDI see.Derm sees an open box of Skin-EE( cookies.DERMHey.  My wife loves those things.  I swear, she eats them by the box.  I think they taste like shit.EDI know.  I hate them.  Sometimes I think she eats them just to spite me.MAZUREKDetective Derm.Derm looks at Ed, then goes into the other room.  Ed follows.INT. HALLWAYDERMDid you go to work today, Mr Saxon?EDNo.  I guess I didn't.DERMIf you'd like, I can call the University for you and explain the situation.  It might help.  I'm sure they would understand.EDI don't think it's necessary.DERMWell, the offer stands if you change your mind later.EDIt's just that, I don't want them to know anything about all this.  At least not yet.DERMI understand.They walk into the -INT. BEDROOMMazurek is holding a small, fabric-bound writing book.DERMWhat's that?MAZUREKLooks like a diary, sir.DERMLet's have a look.Derm looks it over, reads the last couple of entries quickly.DERMWhere'd you find this?MAZUREKBehind the bedside table.EDI didn't know.DERMWe have to keep some things to ourselves, or we'd go crazy.  This is your wife's handwriting?He shows him the diary.EDYes.  Can I look at that?DERMOf course.Ed takes the diary and wanders into Eve's room, flipping through it as he walks.INT. EVE'S ROOMEd flips through the last pages of the diary. Hereads for a minute. Some distant noises are coming from the neighbor'shouse. While we can't hear exactly what is being said, it is clear thata man is saying something funny and a woman is laughing hysterically.Ed reads for a minute until, astonished, he puts it down and looks up at Derm, who is standing in the doorway watching him.EDI guess you never really know anyone.DERMYou didn't know that you're wife is pregnant?EDNo.DERMI'm sorry.  I talked to her doctor yesterday.  I thought you knew.Mazurek comes up behind Derm and says something inaudibly in his ear.DERMIs it alright if Mazurek uses the bathroom?EDExcuse me?DERMThe bathroom.  May we use the bathroom?  We might be here for a while.EDNo.  The toilet is stuffed up.  Actually.  Do you mind leaving?  I just would like to be alone.DERMMr Saxon. I'm sorry about the intrusions into yourprivacy, but you must understand: my first priority is finding yourwife. There is still a great deal to go over. We might want to notifythe press.EDThe press?DERMIn cases like this, when we don't have many substantial leads, getting a picture of your wife on TV can be invaluably helpful.EDI don't know if I'm comfortable with that.DERMWe still have options left, but without a thorough search of your wife's belongings, those options are extremely limited.EDI want to be helpful, but I really don't see how, ifyou think she was kidnapped, I don't see how it helps you to searcharound our things.DERMWe don't know that she was kidnapped. We can't drawthose kinds of conclusions. She could have simply decided that sheneeded some time alone. We have to consider every possibility.EDI just don't see how it helps.DERMI don't want to argue with you.  We're trying to help you.  This is our job.EDI understand.DERMIt is in the best interest of your wife that you let us do that job without impediment.EDI don't want to get in the way. I just would like sometime alone. You can comes back tomorrow, but, please. I'm very tired. Iknow it might seem irrational, but I haven't slept in a long time andthis is all extremely overwhelming. Please. I need to be alone.DERMCertainly.  If I could just take those receipts.EDSure.  Here.  Take them all.The receipts are on the desk in front of him and he hands them to Derm.Derm reaches out for the diary.EDI'd like to keep this.DERMThere are some things it may be better not to know, especially if your wife comes back.EDI can give it to you tomorrow, if you still want it.Ed leaves the diary on Eve's writing table and walks the officers out.INT. LIVING ROOMDERMMr Saxon.  Is there something wrong with your answering machine?EDYes.  It broke when I fell on it.DERMYou haven't been answering your phone.EDIt hasn't rung.Derm looks at the phone and sees the ringer is turned off.DERMThe ringer is off.EDOh.  I must have turned it off.DERMWhat if your wife calls?DERMYes.  Of course.  I wasn't thinking.DERMCould you please leave the phone on from now on?EDYes.  I thought I was.  OK.  Thank you.DERMI'll be calling to let you know how things go with Mr Simian.EDYes.  Thank you.Derm and the officers leave.Ed lets out a sigh of relief.  He touches his forehead and it obviously hurts.He goes back into the bathroom.INT. BATHROOMHe opens the medicine cabinet and searchesthrough the plethora of over-the-counter medicine crowding the shelves.He takes a bottle of Midol, or some other feminine pain-killer. Hetakes a few of them and chases them down with a handful of tap water.Then he turns to the toilet, lifts the lid and looks at the stuffed-up mess.He rolls up his sleeve and sticks his hand in the bowl.  He searches around for the finger.The phone rings.  He gives up searching and, with some wet toilet paper stuck to his arm, hurries to answer the phone.INT. LIVING ROOMEd picks up the phone.EDHello.MRS MASTRIONIMr Saxon.  This is Mrs Mastrioni, from the Dean's office.EDYes?MRS MASTRIONIMr Saxon.  You are supposed to call us when you plan on missing class.  There were students waiting for you.EDYes.  I know.  I'm just having some personal problems.MRS MASTRIONIAnyway, the Dean wants to see you.EDThe Dean?MRS MASTRIONIYes.  Can you come in today?EDNo.  What does he want to see me about?MRS MASTRIONII don't know.EDIs it about me missing classes?MRS MASTRIONIIt might be.EDWhat's that supposed to mean?MRS MASTRIONIIt means that if I was the Dean, and I wanted to see you, that is what it would be about.EDWhat kind of bullshit is that?MRS MASTRIONIThere's no need to get upset, Mr Saxon.EDAm I being fired?  Is that it?MRS MASTRIONILook, I don't know.  The Dean said he wanted to see you.EDWell, I can't see him.MRS MASTRIONIPersonal problems?EDThat's right.  Yes.MRS MASTRIONIThat's too bad.EDYes it is too bad.  Because I know what you're trying to do.MRS MASTRIONIReally?  What's that?EDYou know what?  Why don't you tell the Dean to go fuck himself?MRS MASTRIONIMr Saxon...EDAnd you go fuck yourself too.MRS MASTRIONIDoes this mean that you won't be coming to class tomorrow?EDFuck you!Ed slams the phone down.INT. BATHROOMEd takes the bottle of Midol from the medicine cabinet and takes a few more.Then he notices a trail of pink water leading from the toilet, along the bathroom floor and into the hallway.He follows the trail.INT. HALLWAYThe trail leads up to the pinkie finger. Edwatches while the finger moves, inchworm-like, across the floor, towardEve's room, leaving a wet trail behind it.Ed watches for a second while he decides what to do.He quickly grabs the finger and takes it to thekitchen sink. He drops it in the sink, pushes it down the drain andflicks the garbage disposal on. He turns the water on and leaves itrunning until it sounds like there is nothing left of the finger.When he turns it off, he sticks his hand in, searching for any remnants of the finger.  It appears to have gone down.He takes the sponge and wets it.INT. HALLWAYHe wipes up the trail of the finger, following it back into the bathroom.INT. BATHROOMHe looks at the toilet, which is still stuffed up.INT. BASEMENTEd searches around the basement for a plunger.  The basement is full of strange sounds, all ruminating from the exposed pipes.He finds a plunger among some other tools andstarts back upstairs, but on his way upstairs, he finds that there is apuddle of water on the floor. He traces the source of the puddle to thepipe that was only moist before. It is now dripping slowly and a largepool of dirty water is collecting in the shallow recess of the cementfloor.Ed stares into the murky, black pool.There is a knock on the door upstairs and Ed turns to answer it.INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTEd answers the door and sees that it is now dark outside.GEOFFREY COSTAS stands outside. Geoffrey, 54, isa wise, patient man. He is formal and calm in his manner, but thesequalities belie a warm emotional vulnerability. Physically, he is notsmall or weak. One gets the impression that he wasn't always so kind.GEOFFREYMr Saxon?EDYes.GEOFFREYHello.  My name is Geoffrey Costas.  I'm from Human Support Services.EDI'm not interested.GEOFFREYDetective Derm asked me to stop by.He hands him a business card.  Ed takes the card and looks it over.GEOFFREYYou've been hit.EDI'm fine.  I don't need a doctor.He tries to hand the card back.GEOFFREYOh, I'm not a physician.  I'm a psychiatrist.  But I'm not here on business.  This is my time off.EDThis is a personal visit?  I don't understand.GEOFFREYHuman Services is a volunteer organization.  We offer assistance to victims of traumatic crimes.EDWhat kind of assistance?GEOFFREYAdvice, support, a shoulder to cry on.EDWhy would I want to cry on your shoulder?GEOFFREYMaybe you just want someone to talk to.  It can be a lonely world when those you love are taken from you.EDNo.  I don't think so.GEOFFREYWell, you have my card.  If you feel like talking at another time, please feel free to call.EDActually, there is something you can help me with.  I've been having trouble sleeping.GEOFFREYThat's understandable, under the circumstances.EDIs there something you can give me?GEOFFREYYou mean a prescription?EDYou're a doctor, aren't you?GEOFFREYYes.EDI can't seem to find anything strong enough.GEOFFREYYou're anxious.EDYes.  I can't sleep.  It makes me anxious.  Or maybe I can't sleep because I'm anxious.  I don't know.GEOFFREYHow long has this been going on?EDA long time.GEOFFREYWeeks?EDOh, yes.GEOFFREYYou must have slept some.EDMaybe I do. But I don't seem to get the benefits. Inever feel rested. There just doesn't seem to be the time to relaxanymore. I'm always two steps behind. I have to stop the thinking. Thelonger I stay awake, the more my thoughts become frantic, irrational.If I don't get some sleep soon, nothing is going to make any sense.GEOFFREYI see.  May I come in?EDYes.  Come in.Geoffrey comes in and places his briefcase on the table inside.GEOFFREYThere are times when the pressures of everyday lifebecome overwhelming. As a doctor, I notice more and more of my patientsexperiencing similar symptoms. I'm afraid it's a sign of the times, asmuch as anything else.EDCan you help me?GEOFFREYLike I said, I'm not here on a professional basis. Yourinsomnia is merely a symptom of a greater unwholesomeness. A lastingtreatment may be extremely hard to come by. There's very little we canhope to accomplish with pharmaceuticals alone. However, under thecircumstances, I can give you something to help you sleep. Do you havehealth insurance?EDYes, through work.Geoffrey takes a prescription pad from his briefcase and scribbles out a prescription.GEOFFREYThe prescription I'm going to write for you isexpensive, so I recommend you save the receipt for your insurancecompany. I'm sure they'll cover it. These pills are quite new. I'vebeen prescribing them to my patients who travel a great deal, for theirjet lag. They will help stabilize your internal clock by chemicallysuppressing certain amino acids in your brain.EDWill it help me sleep?GEOFFREYOh, yes.  Now, take two at night, and don't take more than six in a day.  OK?EDYes.  Thank you.Geoffrey shuts his briefcase and starts to leave.GEOFFREYI'm glad I could help.  How about I check in on you tomorrow afternoon?EDTomorrow?GEOFFREYTo see how you're doing?EDI don't know.GEOFFREYFor what it's worth, I understand your position betterthan you think. Don't shut it all out. Sometimes that fragileconnection to the rest of the world is all we have. I sincerely hopethings turn out for you. Tomorrow then?EDTomorrow.Ed shuts the door behind Geoffrey.INT. BATHROOMEd works the plunger in the toilet. The water isstill pink from the finger, but also might be pink from the pink toiletpaper that is now broken up and mixed in with the water.He plunges the toilet a few more times and thenstops to see if it is working. The water slowly goes down. He reachesbehind the toilet and turns the water back on. He flushes it and itseems to be working again, albeit weakly.He sits on the edge of the bathtub and takes abreath. The water in the tub hasn't gone down, so he takes the plungerand starts to work it over the drain.After a minute, he sees that it isn't working.He reaches into the drain and pulls out a huge clump of scum-filledhair. It is repulsive to Ed. He throws it into the toilet. The water in the bathtub still hasn't gone down.INT. KITCHENHe searches under the sink through an exhaustivesupply of cleaning supplies. He eventually pulls out a king-sizecontainer of Drano.INT. BATHROOMHe reads the back of the container quickly, then pours the whole thing down the drain.He watches it for a second, waiting for it to go down.Slowly, then softly, the piano can be heard playing in the other room.Ed listens to it before following it down the hallway.INT. HALLWAYThe lamp on Eve's writing desk is on and it lights up the end of the hallway.  The music still seems to be coming from her room.INT. EVE'S ROOMEd comes in and looks around the room.  There is no one playing the piano, but the music continues over the rest of the scene.Ed's attention turns to the diary, which isstill sitting on the desk where he left it. Ed sits in the chair andstarts paging through Eve's diary. The piano continues playing.We hear Eve's voice as it must have been when she was writing.EVE(V.O.)More than three weeks late. Damn. I'm so stupid. Ihaven't told George because I'm sure he would use this as an excuse topressure me to leave Ed. And how can I tell Ed. There's no way he couldbe the father. We haven't had sex in months. He would know it isn't is.Ed flips back a few pages.As he does, the camera starts to travel aroundthe room, passing the piano, and then a few pictures from Eve's past,then some souvenirs on a shelf.EVE(V.O.)Saw a movie last night with George. It was awful; justthe kind of movie Ed hates. I wanted to tell him about it, but Icouldn't. I told him I was at Susie's. George loved it, of course. Ithink he likes every movie. Still, it was nice to go out on a date likethat. It was fun.INT. HALLWAYNow the camera has turned to the empty hallway.  It slowly moves toward the bathroom.EVE(V.O.)Ed came home in a shitty mood and started picking afight with me about a coffee cup I broke last week. It was the lastthing I needed, today especially. Sometimes I fucking hate him. He canbe such a shit.INT. KITCHENThe camera pans over the glass that has Eve's lipstick on it.EVE(V.O.)I can't believe what a jock George is. I knew he workedout, but he really takes car of himself. After we had sex, I wasembarrassed to let him see me naked. How could I have gotten so fat?I'm going back to the gym tomorrow. I've really let myself go to pot.Maybe I'll get him a softball bat for his birthday next week.INT. BATHROOMThe camera comes into the bathroom and passes over all of Eve's things sitting on the back of the toilet.EVE(V.O.)Ed doesn't sleep anymore. He's beginning to scare me.He takes all these pills to help him sleep, but they only make itworse. And he hates me. I can see it in his eyes. He blames me foreverything that went wrong in his life. Maybe he's right. Maybe it ismy fault. I feel so guilty about George that I can't argue with himanymore. I can't keep this up much longer. Fuck it. I'm going to tellhim about George tomorrow. He knows anyway. He must know. He's beenacting so weird. Poor Ed. He used to have so much ambition. And he's sotalented. I just wish things had turned out better.The camera turns toward the bathtub, andfocuses slowly in on the drain. A few bubbles pop out from under thewater and the water starts to drain out. As the camera dollies in onthe drain, the last of the murky water disappears.Ed, now standing in the bathroom, strikes amatch and holds it up to the diary until the corner finally catches onfire. He fans out the pages so that it will catch more. When he can't hold it anymore, he drops itinto the bathtub and watches it burn. He watches it until it has burntitself out, burning into a pile of thick, black ashes.INT. HALLWAYEd looks up at the smoke alarm.  He tries to pull it down, but it is out of his reach.Ed grabs a chair from the living room and standson it so that he can reach the alarm. He pulls the cover off the alarmand then the battery out and the alarm is finally silenced.Then he hears voices coming from outside the front door.He approaches the front door cautiously, thenputs his ear up to the door and listens. The voices are muted andwhispered, but Ed can still hear what is being said, although it ishard to tell who is talking.HARVEY(O.S.)No.  I won't.SADIE(O.S.)You are so crazy.HARVEY(O.S.)I'm crazy?  What about you?SADIE(O.S.)Quiet.  He's going to hear you.HARVEY(O.S.)So what if he hears me.  Who is he, anyway?SADIE(O.S.)God, you are being such an asshole.Ed opens the door quickly.EXT. PORCH - NIGHTSadie and Harvey freeze like caught children.HARVEY, 19, looks younger than his is; hisfacial hair isn't capable yet of filling out his meager goatee. Heseems hurt, like a spoiled child who hasn't gotten his way.EDWhat's going on?SADIEChrist.  I'm so sorry.HARVEYWho's this?  Is this him?SADIEWill you shut up?HARVEYHe's so old.EDExcuse me?SADIECan we just go inside?  Please?Ed lets Sadie inside.HARVEYSo that's it?  You're going with him now?SADIEYou really don't understand anything.HARVEYYou said you loved me.SADIEJesus.  Would you shut up?  You are so embarrassing.HARVEYEmbarrassing?  I'll tell you what's embarrassing.  You with this fucking geriatric old man.  That's embarrassing.EDYou little shit.Ed makes a move toward Harvey, but Harvey backs away quickly.HARVEYDon't touch me!SADIELet's just go in, OK?  He'll leave.HARVEYUser.SADIEStalker.  Psycho.HARVEYSlut.Sadie slams the door on him.INT. LIVING ROOMSadie stands staring at the floor.  SADIEI can't believe that.  You know, he followed me here.EDHe followed you?SADIEYeah.  Do you believe it?  Oh my God.  What happened to you?EDSomebody hit me.SADIEAre you alright?EDI'm fine.SADIEWho hit you?EDI really don't want to get into it.SADIEI nearly had a heart attack when the police called me.EDWhat did they ask you?SADIEJust about me being here.  About what happened.EDBut nothing happened.SADIEThat's what I told them.EDThey found your sweater.  It has blood all over it.SADIEYou're kidding.EDYou left it under the bed.SADIEOh, yeah.  Damn.  I don't know why I do things like that.EDWhat if my wife had found it?SADIEOh.  Is she here?EDNo.  Look, Sadie.  I don't want you to get the wrong idea.SADIEDon't be mad. It's just that I worry too much. Youdidn't come to class again. And you said you would. I started gettingall these ideas. I called you, but nobody answered. I meant to bringyour wife's sweater back, but I forgot it.EDActually, I'm glad you're here.  Can you do me a favor?SADIESure.  Anything.EDI have to get a prescription filled.SADIENo problem.Ed finds the prescription on his desk.EDI'd go myself, but I'm expecting a phone call.SADIESure.He hands her the prescription.EDThere's a twenty-four pharmacy on Market.SADIEI know the one.  I go there all the time.  It's like my second home.EDI'll give you my credit card.Ed finds his wallet and hands her the card.SADIEI'll be back in a minute.EDThank you.Sadie skips out the door and Ed shuts it behind her.INT. BATHROOMEd turns on the shower, washing the ashes down the drain.After he's watched them go down, he takes asponge and cleans off the burnt mark in the tub as best he can. Heturns the shower on, rinsing it out.He turns the shower off and hears the phone is ringing.INT. LIVING ROOMEd picks up the phone.DERMMr Saxon?  Detective Derm.EDYes, hi.DERMI wanted to let you know that we've taken Mr Simian into custody.EDI understand.DERMWe found him at his place of work.EDAt the school?DERMYes. We arrested him there. He'll come up forarraignment tomorrow morning and then, as far as I can tell, he'llprobably be released on his own recognizance.EDI see.DERMIt's just standard procedure, but I thought I'd keep you informed.EDYes.  Thank you.  Did he say anything about Eve?DERMTry to rest, Mr Saxon.  We have a lot of ground to cover tomorrow.EDI will.  Thank you.DERMGood night.Ed hangs up the phone.Then he hears some sounds coming from Eve's room.INT. EVE'S ROOMEd takes a few steps into Eve's room.  He traces the noises to the window and looks out at the neighbor's house.The light is on in the neighbor's window, andthere are some vague shadows moving around on the closed curtain. Asthe noises get louder, it soon becomes clear that the neighbors arehaving sex.Ed peers out at the light in the window,listening to the woman's increasing moans. The woman seems to be insome sort of painful, orgasmic delight. In other words, it mostlysounds like she is having a good time, but there should be a growingsuspicion that not all is right.WOMAN(O.S.)Oh.  Oh.  Oh!  Oh!  OH!  OH!  NO!  NO!  NO!Ed backs slowly away from the window.  He hears someone knocking on the front door.INT. LIVING ROOMEd opens the door and Sadie comes in holding a colorful paper bag.EDThank you.Ed takes the bag from Sadie and goes into the kitchen.INT. KITCHENSadie follows him in.Ed opens the pills quickly and swallows three of them with a glass of water.SADIEThose pills cost a lot.  They must be strong.EDThey're sleeping pills.  I've been having trouble sleeping.SADIEYou must have anxiety.  I can never get to sleep when I'm anxious.EDI am anxious.  Yes.Sadie takes some other stuff out of the bag. Oneof the items is an individually wrapped Skin-EE( fat-free cookie,chocolate, chocolate chip.SADIEI got you some peroxide and stuff.  And a cookie.  I haven't eaten today.EDYou put it all on my credit card, right?SADIEActually, I paid for it.  They wouldn't take your card.EDWhy not?SADIEThey said you hadn't paid your bill, on the phone.  They called the credit card people when it didn't go through.EDDamn.  Well, I'll pay you back.SADIEIt's OK.  I charged it to my Dad.  I don't even pay the bill.EDNo, those pills are expensive.  And my insurance will cover it anyway.SADIEPay me back later, then.  Really, it's OK.EDAre you sure?SADIEIt's fine.  I swear.Sadie looks at the cuts on his face.SADIEYour face must hurt.EDNo.  I don't seem to feel anything.SADIEIt's nasty.Sadie takes a closer look.SADIEHere.  Sit down.She sits Ed down at the kitchen table, under alight, and sits across from him, then takes the peroxide and somecotton swabs she bought at the pharmacy and starts to dress his wounds.EDI've never been hit before.SADIEMe neither.EDIt's not so bad, really. It's humbling, but I like theeffect it seems to have on people. It seems to make them morecompassionate. There's a competitive market for suffering in the world.It's difficult to stand out from the handicapped and the homeless andthe politically oppressed. Sometimes a little advertising helps remindpeople that you're a human being.SADIEIt does make you look sort of cute, in a pathetic kind of way.EDSadie.SADIEAre you really married?EDWhat?  You think I just made it up?SADIEI don't know.  Some people just say they're married, you know, because maybe they think it's more respectable or something.EDI'm not one of those people.SADIEI didn't mean to imply anything.  It's just that you act sort of weird.EDI act weird?SADIENot weird, really.  Worried, I guess.  Secretive.  Like you're worried I might find out something about you.EDYou don't want to get involved with my problems.SADIEMaybe I do.EDBelieve me, you don't.SADIEI didn't mean to pry.  Well, maybe I did.  I'll just put a band-aid on it.EDWould you like a drink?  I'm going to have one.1tt1He finds a bottle of wine.SADIEYou're not supposed to mix wine with sleeping pills.  It increases the amount of medicine that's absorbed into the bloodstream.1tt1Ed searches for a corkscrew and starts to open the bottle.EDI need all the help I can get.SADIEIt's dangerous.EDIt's just wine. I'll only have a glass.1tt1He offers her some and she nods. He pours her a glass. Sadie takesher glass into the living room. Ed downs his glass of wine and refillsit quickly before following her.INT. LIVING ROOM1tt1She sits down at his desk.SADIEAre you working on anything new?EDNo.  I don't write anymore.SADIEWhy not?EDI just don't have the time.  I have to work all day.  Time just slips by.SADIEI know what you mean.  There's not enough time in the day.EDNot as much as there used to be.SADIEThere used to be more?EDYes.  Before I had to work there was plenty of time.SADIEBut you had all that stuff published.EDSure, but it didn't pay very much. I had a lot of debtsfrom school that needed to be paid off. And then, credit cards. Andthen I got married, bought a house. Life comes with all these expenses.And poetry just doesn't pay. I thought working at the University wouldat least give me summers off.SADIEDoesn't it?EDNot really.  No.1tt1There is a knock on the door.  The idea that someone else might see them together makes it awkward for both of them.1tt1Ed freezes for what seems like a long time; long enough for whoever it is to knock again.EDI better see who that is.SADIEYeah.1tt1Ed goes over to the door and opens it cautiously.  It is Eve's friend, SUSIE.SUSIEHi, it's me.EDOh, hi Susie.1tt1She is about to walk in, when Ed blocks her way.  She can see Sadie sitting at Ed's desk holding a glass of wine.EDEve's not here.SUSIEOh.  She came back though, didn't she?EDNo, she didn't.SUSIEOh no.  Can I come in?EXT. PORCH - NIGHT1tt1Ed, rather than let her in, pushes her outside and shuts the door behind her.EDNo.  I'm busy right now.  I called the police.SUSIEWhat did they say?EDThey're working on it.  You can call them if you want.1tt1Ed finds Derm's card in his pocket and hands it to her.SUSIEAren't you worried?EDOf course I'm worried. I'm just working right now. Thisgirl is one of my students. She wanted some help on an assignment. Shedoesn't know anything about Eve being missing.SUSIEWhat happened to you?EDGeorge Simian hit me.SUSIEGeorge?EDYou know him.  It figures.1tt1Susie starts crying.  Ed stares at her helplessly, then goes back inside.SUSIEWait.1tt1Ed stops.SUSIECan I come back later?EDIt's late.  I just took some sleeping pills.  I haven't slept much since this all started.  Why don't you come back tomorrow?SUSIETomorrow?EDGood night, Susie.Ed walks back in, leaving Susie standing on the porch.INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHTEd waits by the door until he hears her footsteps walking away outside.Sadie stands up, looking nervous.SADIE2t2Is that your wife?ED2t2No.  It was a friend of hers.SADIE2t2I should go.ED2t2No.  Why?SADIE2t2You must be tired.  Those pills must be working.ED2t2I don't think they're working at all.SADIE2t2Still.  You're married, right?ED2t2Yeah, but, please don't go.  Please.  Time has a way of slowing down when you're around.SADIE2t2Really?  For me, too.ED2t2So you'll stay?SADIE2t2If you want me to.Ed comes over to her and kisses her.SADIE2t2Can I ask you something?ED2t2What?SADIE2t2Do you think my writing is good?ED2t2You've done some good work.SADIE2t2Yeah.  C minus good.ED2t2I told you, I was in a bad mood when I graded that.SADIE2t2I guess so.She is unresponsive at first.SADIE(to herself)2t2What am I doing?They kiss for a minute, then Ed slips his hand under the back of Sadie's sweater.She kisses him again.INT. BEDROOMSadie turns the lights off and we can only see by the light coming in from the hallway.Ed lies on the bed and Sadie lies next to him,under the covers. Ed slips his hand under the back of her sweater andfiddles with her bra while they kiss.The gurgling sound starts up again, and whileSadie doesn't notice, or doesn't hear it, it becomes increasinglydistracting to Ed. He looks to the bathroom where the noise is comingfrom.INT. BATHROOMThe camera focuses in on the drain.  The water in the bathtub starts rising again.INT. BEDROOMSadie breaks away from him, sits up and takes off her sweater.  Ed takes off his shirt.Ed's kisses move around the side of her neck. Ashe reaches her ear, he looks up and notices Eve's clothes sitting onthe chair.INT. BATHROOMThe water is rising slowly, but we can see solidstuff (the ashes from the diary are clearly part of the muck) seepingout of the drain with the water. It is a cloudy, dark, disgusting waterwhich probably stinks too.INT. BEDROOMEd is trying to concentrate on Sadie, but he notices the closet door is open and there are some dresses blowing around inside.And the noise from the bathroom is getting louder.He turns Sadie onto her back, turning himselfaway from the closet. His kisses run down her chest until he gets toher jeans. He unbuttons her jeans and starts to pull them off, kissingas he goes.Ed has taken her pants off, but his passion andenthusiasm has faded, and he stops and stares off into space, towardsthe bathroom. He is spooked.SADIE2t2What's wrong?He looks down and sees Sadie staring at him.ED2t2I don't know.  Maybe it's those pills.  I don't know.SADIE2t2Just relax.  Lie back.Sadie gently pushes him back and starts to go down on him.Ed get more uptight.ED2t2No.  Please.  Just stop.She keeps trying until Ed is forced to push her away.ED2t2It's just not working.  OK?SADIE2t2Alright.  I'm sorry.Sadie turns away.  She's upset.SADIE2t2Maybe I should go.ED2t2No.  Please, don't.  It's my fault.  Please.  Don't go.SADIE2t2Damn, I'm so stupid.ED2t2No, it's me.  Please.SADIE2t2This was a mistake.Sadie gets up and puts on her shirt.  She grabs the rest of her clothes and goes into the living room.Ed stares after her, listening to her finish dressing herself and then leave.The clock next to the bed is ticking loudly and the sound of the ticking continues of the next few scenes, as indicated.INT. KITCHENEd pours a few more pills into his hand, swallowing them with some wine from the bottle.INT. BATHROOMEd looks at the bathtub, which is full of themurky water. He picks up the plunger, which is still by the toilet, andstarts working it on the drain.More stuff is coming up, making the waterdarker, but as he relaxes the plunger, the water doesn't go down. Ifanything, the gurgling sound is louder.He works the plunger some more, more vigorouslyand then, again, relaxes it and watches the drain hopefully. Thegurgling noise seems closer and the water still does not go down.Then he hears something hit the front door.INT. LIVING ROOMEd opens the front door and picks up thenewspaper which has just been thrown. He puts it with the othernewspapers, which have piled up in their plastic wraps on his desk.INT. BATHROOMHe comes back into the bathroom and looks at the bathtub. He puts the plunger over the drain and works itmuch harder and, this time, after a few seconds, there is a loud knockin the pipes, as if he hit something. He takes the plunger away andwatches the drain.Suddenly, a large air bubble bursts out of the drain.  He watches, but the water shows no sign of draining.Then, slowly, blood starts to leak into the tub from the drain.Ed is naturally terrified by this.  He watches until it is clear that it is blood and not just more gook.He puts plunger back on the drain and pumps it afew more frantic times. More blood seeps out of the drain. He seems tobe making the problem worse.He shuts the shower curtain and backs out of the bathroom.INT. KITCHENHe spills the pills on the kitchen counter andcounts them quickly. There are about ten left. He pours them into hismouth and swallows the rest of the wine.Then the ticking stops.  Ed looks at a clock on the wall.  The second hand has stopped.He hears voices in the other room.INT. EVE'S ROOMHe looks out of the window in Eve's room. Hesees that the light in the neighbor's window is on. The couple nextdoor are having another argument, but this one is much more intensethan the last.WOMAN(O.S.)2t2Why do you care! You don't care! You know nothing about me! I hateyou! Stay away from me! I'll scream! I am not screaming now! You thinkyou're the only one? Yes, I do! I LOVE YOU! You never do that! You donot! You never do anything! You think that nothing's wrong! You thinkwe live in paradise! This is what I think of this fucking house!There is the sound of things breaking.WOMAN(O.S.)IT'S NOT MY FAULT! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! THEN DON'T! I AMNOT! I LOVE YOU! FUCK YOU! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SAID THAT! STAY AWAYFROM ME! YOU RUINED MY LIFE! STAY AWAY FROM ME! STOP IT! SHUT UP! STAYAWAY FROM ME! NO! STOP IT! YOU SON OF A BITCH! HELP! HELP!This ends with a loud, terrifying shriek.  It seems to echo around the room as Ed watches.  Then the voices stop.Ed watches the window and sees a featureless manstick his head through the curtains to see if anybody is listening.Then he closes the window and curtains.The phone rings in the other room.INT. KITCHENHe hurries to answer the phone.While he is on the phone, a new sound is coming from the bathroom.  It is like the gurgling sound, but also subtly different.EDHello.DERMMr Saxon?EDYes.DERMIt's Detective Derm.  I'm sorry to call you so late, but I thought you would want to hear this.EDYes?DERMI'm afraid I have some bad news.EDWhat is it?DERMIt's your wife.  We've found her...EDYou found her.DERMWe found her body.EDHer...DERMYes, sir.  In the woods, near George Simian's house, where we found her car.  I'm afraid she's dead.Ed drops the phone.  He walks trance-like into the hallway.He follows the noise into the -INT. BATHROOMThe noise coming from the bathroom now sounds more human, like a baby gurgling.As Ed walks into the bathroom, he can see thatthere is something in the bathtub. The shower curtain is closed, butbehind it, there is some sort of body moving. Ed pulls the curtainback. He reveals a baby, just born, lying in the tub. Most of the murkywater has drained and left a dirty ring around the tub.The BABY is a newborn, except that its eyes aremaybe larger than they would be. The Baby is also SIX FEET TALL. It'simmense frame fills the bathtub. It is naked (it's a boy).Ed watches with amazement. The baby looksincredibly real, except for its size. The stare at each other for aminute. The baby looks a lot like George Simian. It has his eyes.Other than this, it behaves like a baby. It islying on its back, gurgling peacefully with his feet in the air and hisleft hand gripping the shower curtain.The baby reaches out for Ed lovingly.Ed backs away.Seeing this, the baby starts crying.Ed, panicking, approaches the baby. It is stillcrying. Ed reaches out to touch it. He touches its arm and the baby'scrying starts to subside. The baby moves with typical, quick, chaoticmovements that, because of the baby's size, are almost threatening.Ed puts his hand in the baby's hand. The babygrips it as baby's do, but this baby's hand is about the size of Ed's.The baby stops crying and returns to its curious gurgling.Ed tries to pull his hand back, but the babywon't let go. The baby, it seems, is incredibly strong. Ed pullsharder. He still can't get the baby to let go. Ed tries to pry thebaby's fingers off, and this time manages to get his hand out of thebaby's grip.But as soon as he does, the baby starts crying again.He backs out into the hallway.INT. HALLWAYEd is in a panic.  The baby's cries echo around him as he backs away from the bathroom.INT. KITCHENEd finds himself in the kitchen. He looks at hishands which are covered with bloody muck from the tub. He washes themoff in the sink. He looks over at the kitchen knife which has beendrying in the dish rack.INT. HALLWAYEd walks slowly, purposefully to the bathroom.  The crying baby gets louder as he approaches.INT. BATHROOMHe comes into the bathroom, but in the tub,instead of the baby, there is a grown man's body. It is Ed, staring upat himself from under the water. We only see a very tight shot ofBATHTUB ED's head and part of his neck. His head is under water and helooks up, unable to move.We then see the reverse shot of this and it isalso of Ed, so that Ed is, in effect, looking up at himself through thecloudy water.The baby cries continue, although the baby is no longer in the scene.From Bathtub Ed's point of view, we see the other Ed takes the kitchen knife and lean forward and to the right, off-camera.Bathtub Ed, who can move his eyes, tries to lookto his arm, where the other Ed is cutting. Soon, blood starts to mixwith the water, diffusing over Bathtub Ed's face.The blood also diffuses over Bathtub Ed'sP.O.V., as he looks up at the other Ed cutting him. When the other Edis finished cutting, Bathtub Ed sees him put the knife aside and thenreach down, off-camera. After a short struggle, the other Ed pulls upBathtub Ed's severed arm and slips it into a garbage bag he has alreadyprepared.The blood from Bathtub Ed's cut fills the water with dark blood, turning the film red.The red dissolves into a pool of blood that is in the hallway.INT. HALLWAYEd, with a bucket and sponge, is cleaning pockets of blood from the floor and walls.  He is crying while he does this.He squeezes the sponge for the last time, theninspects the hallway as closely as he can, searching for any spots hemight have missed.Then he picks up the bucket and takes it into the bathroom.INT. BATHROOMHe dumps the water from the bucket into thebathtub. The water is pink and dirty. He sits down on the edge of thebathtub and watches the water go down the drain.He stares at the drain in a trance until he hears a knock on the front door.  He turns to listen to it in the other room.INT. HALLWAY - DAYAs he opens the bathroom door, he sees that the sun is shining in from the living room.INT. LIVING ROOMGeoffrey stands patiently outside as Ed opensthe door. He carries his briefcase and looks dressed for work. Hisappearance is a stark contrast to the half-dressed, blood-shot Ed.GEOFFREYHi.  I wanted to see how you were getting along.EDGetting along?GEOFFREYI have to say, you don't look well.EDI'm not well.GEOFFREYHave you slept?EDI don't know.  Maybe.  It's difficult to tell.  I have these lapses, but I'd hardly call it sleep.GEOFFREYDid you take the pills?EDThe pills are fucking useless.GEOFFREYBut you took them?EDYes.GEOFFREYI see.  May I take your blood pressure?EDOK, fine.Geoffrey comes in and places his briefcase onthe table. He takes a stethoscope and the rest of his blood pressurekit and starts to take Ed's blood pressure.EDI feel like a lab rat.  Like one of those lab rats they drug up and study.  You know what I mean?GEOFFREYYou feel like a rat.EDThey put them in a maze and they give them shocks anddrugs and they see what they do. They try to prod them in the directionthey want them to go.GEOFFREYTry to relax.EDI feel like a rat who took all the turns, took all thedrugs, went down the right path and then, when I got to the end, theyshocked me anyway, right up the sphincter, like it was all just a bigjoke. I guess they thought I'd be too drugged up to notice.GEOFFREYIt's been a few days, hasn't it, since your wife disappeared?EDDays?  Yes.  I guess.GEOFFREYHas there been any word from the police?EDHaven't you talked to them?GEOFFREYNo.  But if you'd like me to, I will, on your behalf.  They know me and I've been through this before.EDWith others?GEOFFREYWith others, and myself.  My wife was taken from me about three years ago.EDWhat happened?GEOFFREYIt was a similar situation to yours. The police foundher car in the parking lot of a mall. They found her body about a weeklater in some woods nearby.EDShe was murdered.GEOFFREYYes.EDDid they ever catch the man who did it?GEOFFREYNo.EDWhy would somebody do that?GEOFFREYSometimes a man, when faced with his own problems or inadequacies, takes it out on someone weaker than themselves.EDI'm sorry.GEOFFREYDo you feel responsible at all for your wife's disappearance?EDWhy?GEOFFREYPeople often blame themselves for events that they haveno control over, especially when the events seem so random and cruel.Action leading up to tragedy tend to become more significant. Detailsweigh on the conscience.EDI do seem to be having problems with my conscience.GEOFFREYI see.EDDo you think that's why I can't sleep?GEOFFREYCould be.EDIs there anything you can give me?GEOFFREYA prescription?  For your conscience?  Of course not.EDThen what's the point?GEOFFREYThere are other ways I can be of help.EDA shoulder to cry on?GEOFFREYWould you like me to call the police?  There might be some news.EDThe police called last night, late last night.  They found Eve's body.GEOFFREYOh, no.EDThey found her buried in the woods, near where they found her car.GEOFFREYI'm sorry.  I didn't know.Geoffrey's watch alarm goes off. He looks at thetime and then, habitually takes a shiny silver pillbox from his pocket.He takes two pills out.GEOFFREYExcuse me.EDI never knew I could feel so alone.Geoffrey takes a thermos from his briefcase, pours some hot tea into the lid and swallows the pills with a mouthful of tea.GEOFFREYHe hasn't called since last night?EDNo.GEOFFREYIt's been a while.  Why don't you let me call him?  Maybe there's some news.When Ed doesn't object, Geoffrey takes his address book from his briefcase, along with a cellular phone and dials the number.GEOFFREYDetective Derm, please. Hi, Charlie, it's Geoffrey. I'mover at Ed Saxon's house. Yeah. He was hoping to get some informationon his wife. Uh-huh. Well, he said you called him last night and toldhim that you had found her body. Uh-huh. I see. In the woods, nearwhere you found her car. I don't know. Yes. Well, I did give himsomething to help him sleep. Right. Yes.Then Geoffrey turns away from Ed and says a few words quietly, so that Ed can't hear.  Then...GEOFFREYYes.  Yes.  I'll tell him.  Yes.  OK.  Bye.Geoffrey hangs up and turns back to Ed.EDWhat?GEOFFREYHe says he never called you last night.EDWhat?GEOFFREYHe told me to tell you to wait here for him; that he's coming over.EDI don't understand.GEOFFREYIt is possible that you did fall asleep, that youdreamed the phone call. I have to say that I was surprised when yousaid you hadn't slept. Those pills are very effective.EDThe pills.  Yes.  Maybe.GEOFFREYStill, this is better, isn't it?  I mean, now there's still a chance.  Your wife could still be...There's still hope.EDYes.  Hope.  But why is he coming over here?GEOFFREYHe said he had some questions to ask you.EDWhat questions?GEOFFREYHe didn't say.EDIf he had some questions to ask me, he could have asked me on the phone.GEOFFREYCalm down, Mr Saxon.EDWhy did you turn away from me when you were talking to him?  What did you say?GEOFFREYI said you were very tired and anxious and that you seemed to be under a great deal of stress.EDYou're lying.GEOFFREYI have no reason to lie.EDDon't you?GEOFFREYNo.  Why do you think I'm lying?EDBecause you're scared.Geoffrey does look scared.  He has quickly packed up his briefcase.GEOFFREYMr Saxon.  Please.  I understand you're under a lot of stress.EDYou don't understand anything.GEOFFREYI came here to help you.EDThen help me.  Please.GEOFFREYI've done all I can now.  I'm sorry.  I can't do any more.EDBut, you'll come to see me again, won't you?GEOFFREYNo.  I don't think I will.Geoffrey leaves.  Ed shuts the door.The phone rings.Ed picks it up.EDHello?GEORGEIs this Ed?EDGeorge.GEORGEWhat did you do to Eve?EDI didn't do anything.GEORGEI know you did. I saw her before she left work. We metin the parking lot, like we always did. She told me she was leavingyou. She was going to tell you when she got home.EDYou don't know anything about it.GEORGEYes, I do.  I know you.  Eve talks about you.  She tell me things.EDWhat things?GEORGEI know about the fights you have.EDShe's my wife.  We fight sometimes.GEORGEThat's bullshit.  I know what kind of a son of bitch you can be.  She's told me.EDWhat don't you tell it to the police?GEORGEI did.EDYou think she was some sort of angel?  She was cheating on me.GEORGEI love her.  I loved her.Ed listens to George break down.EDI'm sorry.There is a long pause.GEORGEIt's not enough.George hangs up.INT. BATHROOMThe bathroom is completely clean. There is nosign of any of the activity from before. Ed finds the bottle ofprescription sleeping pills. It is empty. He takes a couple of Midoland swallows them dry.INT. LIVING ROOMEd sits down at his desk.  He looks over the papers on his desk.  Sadie's is on top.  He looks it over.The phone rings and he picks it up.EDHello?SADIEHello.EDSadie.SADIEI wanted to apologize.EDNo.  Don't apologize.  It was me.SADIEI shouldn't have left like that.  I don't know what came over me.EDIt was understandable, under the circumstances.SADIEI really wanted you to like me.EDI wonder if you'll still feel the same way when you find out what kind of person I really am.SADIEI'll still keep your poem on my wall.EDYes.SADIEI think it's a beautiful poem.  I really do.  Are you still there?EDYes.SADIEI wish things had turned out better.She hangs up.  Ed stays on the phone, listening until the dial tone clicks back in.Then Ed hears a car pull up outside.  He follows some quiet footsteps as they walk up to the front door.He sees the door knob turn quietly in the door.  The door is locked.Ed approaches the door slowly, but suddenly, there is a crash against it.  Someone is trying to knock the door down.The door is strong, and doesn't open, but the wall around it shakes.After a few seconds, there is another crashagainst the door. This time the wall shakes so much that Eve's picture,which hangs by the door, almost falls off its nail.Ed looks out of the window. The window ispositioned facing the street, but not the porch, so he cannot see whoit is, but he can see a car parked out front, with the door still open.Inside the car, there is a softball glove lying on the passenger seat,along with something that George Simian was wearing when we last sawhim.George crashes against the door again. Thistime Eve's picture falls off the wall. It hits the ground and smashes,spreading broken glass around her picture.The door is starting to loosen around the lock and jamb.INT. HALLWAYEd backs into the hallway.  As he passes the bathroom, he can hear the gurgling sounds from the plumbing starting up again.INT. KITCHENEd backs into the kitchen. He searches around,quickly finding the kitchen knife. He grabs it out of the dish rack andstarts walking toward the front door.INT. HALLWAYThere's another bang on the door.  Ed passes slowly through the hallway, watching the door, holding the knife in front of him.The gurgling sounds in the bathroom are deep and resonant, echoing out of the drain, around the bathroom and into the hallway.There is another hard crash against the door,which breaks the jamb. The door is only being held on by the splintersaround the lock and George starts kicking the door with his foot.Ed backs into the basement door.  He opens it and goes into the-INT. BASEMENTHe hurries down the stairs into the darkness ofthe basement. The pipes surround Ed with hysterical, thick, waterysounds. There are metallic creaks and strains which reverberate aroundthe walls of the basement as the pipes seem to expand and contract.A couple of inches of dark, dirty water have collected on the floor and Ed's feet get wet as he steps off the last stair.Ed finds a place to hide in the shadows behindsome boxes. He stares up, as he hears the door breaking open upstairsand someone walking into the living room.With his eyes, he follows the footsteps as they search the apartment.Ed has hidden under a large pipe, which isdripping drops of dirty water onto his face. In the darkness of thebasement, the color of the water is unclear, but as he wipes some ontohis fingers, he can see it is murky and dark.The basement door opens slowly, and from thelight upstairs, Ed can see the silhouette of George Simian standingwith a softball bat.Ed grips onto his knife and watches as Georgecomes down the stairs, step by step. The water keeps dripping on thetop of Ed's head, running down the side of his face, but he holdsstill.Ed watches George come down the stairs.George reaches the bottom and steps into the shallow water.  He peers cautiously into the shadows.  He starts walking toward Ed.Ed withdraws as much as he can into his corner until he is in complete darkness.He watches George approaching him and he slowly raises his knife.George raises his softball bat. He takes a fewmore steps up to Ed, but then steps blindly past him and into a deep,dark shadow.Ed watches him disappear into the shadow andthen, makes his move. He rushes into the shadow with his knife raisedand both he and George are engulfed in darkness.After a few seconds, Ed emerges from theshadow. He drops the knife into the water at his feet. As he does,blood runs out of the shadow, mixing with the water in the basementfloor.Ed walks slowly upstairs.  The noises around him in the basement are now at their loudest.  INT. BATHROOMEd takes a long look at himself in the mirror.He is wet with blood and dirt. He opens the medicine cabinet and findsthe sleeping pills he was using before. He opens the bottle and emptiesit into his hand. There are only about five pills left.He takes the two toothbrushes from a toothpaste-crusty glass and fills it with water.  He takes the pills.Unsatisfied, he searches through the rest of themedicine cabinet. The selection, though not particularly toxic, is agood representation of standard, over-the-counter pills and tonics. Hefinds the Midol and takes the last few from the bottle. There is abottle of cold medicine which he finishes off. He drinks down a nearlyfull bottle of pink diarrhea medicine. He finds a bottle ofmulti-vitamins and takes a handful of those. As he finishes each one,he drops the empties onto the floor of the bathroom.When he stops, he notices blood seeping out ofthe bathtub drain. It is pure, thick, dark blood. He backs away intothe hallway.INT. HALLWAYEd backs into the wall and then, losing strength in his legs, lowers himself to the floor.  He keeps watching the bathtub.Piano music starts to seep through the gurgling noises.  Ed turns towards Eve's room.On the other side of the house, outside thebroken door, Ed can hear Derm's car pull up. Ed watches the living roomas Derm comes in carefully, flanked by Mazurek and Snyder.Derm comes over to Ed and kneels down in front of him.  Ed looks up at him helplessly.EDIt wasn't me.Derm looks at Ed's hands, which are covered in blood.EDIt wasn't me.Ed watches Derm looking at him.  Then he notices, behind Derm, blood seeping over the rim of the bathtub.Ed turns to Eve's room, where the piano can still be heard.The camera continues on where Ed can't go: downthe hallway to Eve's room. As it approaches, all the other noises fadeout and the piano is all that we hear.Ed watches from his position in the hall so that it all seems like his point of view.INT. EVE'S ROOMThe camera comes into Eve's room and turns to the piano.EVE is sitting at the piano, playing some music.We watch her for a few seconds. She turns to the camera as she plays,then continues playing.Then the camera turns toward the clouds paintedon the ceiling. A crack appears in the plaster and starts wideninguntil there is an empty black space behind it. The sound of the babycrying seeps in from the crack. The camera zeroes in on this blackuntil it fills the frame. Over the blackness, we can hear the babycrying until it fades out.THE END

unformated_scripts/Script_Clueless.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,2223 @@
+Directed by Amy Heckerling
+CAST:
+Alicia Silverstone.........Cher HorowitzStacey Dash................DionneBrittany Murphy............TaiPaul Stephen Rudd..........JoshDonald Adeosun Faison......MurrayElisa Donovan..............AmberBreckin Meyer..............TravisJeremy Sisto...............EltonDan Hedaya.................MelAida Linares...............LucyWallace Shawn..............Mr. HallTwink Caplan...............Miss GeistJustin Walker..............ChristianSabastian Rashidi..........ParoudasmHerb Hall..................PrincipalJulie Brown................Miss StoegerSusan Mohun................HeatherNicole Bilderback..........SummerRon Orbach.................DMV TesterSean Holland...............LawrenceRoger Kabler...............College GuyJace Alexander.............RobberJosh Lozoff................LoganCarl Gottlieb..............MinisterJoseph D. Reitman..........StudentAnthony Beninati...........BartenderMicki Duran................DancerGregg Russell..............DancerJermaine Montell...........DancerDanielle Eckert............Dancer
+Written by      Jane Austen   (novel Emma)       Amy HeckerlingCinematography by      Bill PopeMusic by      David KitayProduction Design by      Steven J. JordanCostume Design by      Mona MayFilm Editing by      Debra ChiateProduced by      Barry M. Berg  (co-producer)       Twink Caplan  (associate)       Robert Lawrence (III)      Scott Rudin      Adam Schroeder  (co-producer) Other crew      Den Abraham..............set dresser       Barry M. Berg............unit production manager       Alan 'Doc' Friedman......make-up       Richard Graves...........assistant director       Raul Gutierrez...........assistant to Scott Rudin       William Hiney............art director       Lawrence Karman..........camera operator       Mark Kusy................set dresser       James LaBarge............set dresser       Alyson Dee Moore.........foley       James Muro...............steadicam operator       Wendy Murray.............set dresser       Patricia Nedd............foley       Nina Paskowitz...........hair styles       Karyn Rachtman...........music supervisor       Patrick Romano...........stunt co-ordinator       Marcia Ross..............casting       Daniel Silverberg........assistant director       Jeffrey T. Spellman......location manager       Amy Wells................set decorator       Diana Williams...........assistant director 
+ 
+OK, so here it is. The entire script to Cluelessincluding important actions, songs from thesoundtrack, and my own personal comments.Just hit the little speaker  nextto the character's name to hear the lines from the movie (They'renot working yet). I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyedwriting it. It's amazing the things you pick up when watching a scene 50times. One thing: this is written by a hopelessly devoted and loyal AliciaSilverstone fan, so some of the commentary may be biased. But, I figureif you're reading this then you must have some interest her. Enjoy.
+Any suggestions, errors, anything?! Please emailme [email protected]
+  
+SCENE I - CHER'S HOUSE
+"Kids in America" The Muffs
+(Heaps of shots of the girls having fun)
+CHER V.O.
+So OK, you're probably thinking, "Is this, likea Noxema commercial, or what?!" But seriously, I actually have a waynormal life for a teenage girl. I mean I get up, I brush my teeth, andI pick out my school clothes.
+"Fashion Girl"David Bowie
+Daddy's a litigator. Those are the scariest kindsof lawyers. Even Lucy, our maid, is terrified of him. He's so good he getspaid five hundred dollars an hour just to fight with people, but he fightswith me for free 'cause I'm his daughter.
+CHER
+Daddy!
+MEL
+Cher, please don't start with the juice again.
+CHER
+Daddy, you need your vitamin C.
+MEL
+Where's my briefcase?
+CHER
+It's been a couple of months now, so I say we go outto Malibu.
+MEL
+Don't tell me those braindead low-lifes have beencalling again.
+CHER
+They are your parents. And don't try sneaking outof the office. Dr. Lovitz is coming by to give you a flu shot.
+MEL
+Oh, Josh is in town. He's coming for dinner.
+CHER
+Why?
+MEL
+Because he's your step-brother!
+CHER
+But you were hardly even married to his mother andthat was five years ago. Why do I have to see Josh?
+(Watch those LIPS!!)
+MEL
+You divorce wives, not children.
+CHER
+Here.
+MEL
+Forget it!
+SCENE II - CHER'S CAR
+"Just a girl" NoDoubt
+CHER V.O.
+Did I show you the loqued-out Jeep Daddy got me? It'sgot four wheel drive, dual side airbags and monster sound system. I don'thave a licence yet, but I need something to learn on.
+(Cher runs over a potted planton the kerb)
+Oh, why that came out of nowhere.
+(Watch her face when she looksback at the road)
+Here's where Dionne lives. She's my friend becausewe both know what it's like to have people be jealous of us.
+DIONNE
+Dude!
+CHER
+Girlfriend!
+CHER V.O.
+And I must give her snaps for her courageous fashionefforts.
+DIONNE
+Hey Cher.
+CHER V.O. 
+Dionne and I were both named after great singers ofthe past who now do infomercials.
+DIONNE
+So?
+CHER
+Shopping with Dr. Seuss?
+DIONNE
+Well, at least I wouldn't skin a Collie to make mybackpack.
+CHER
+It's Faux.
+DIONNE
+Hello. That was a stop sign!
+CHER
+I totally paused!
+DIONNE
+Yeah, OK.
+SCENE III - SCHOOL WALKWAY
+DIONNE
+It's not even eight thirty and Murray is paging me.
+CHER
+He is so possesive.
+DIONNE
+Tell me about it. This weekend he called me up andhe's all "Where were you today?" and I'm like "I'm at myGrandmother's house"...
+CHER V.O.
+Dionne and her boyfriend, Murray are in this dramaticrelationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie justtoo many times. Now I have to say to her...
+CHER
+Dee, why do you put up with it? You could do so muchbetter.
+DIONNE
+Alright, sh, sh. Here he comes.
+"Shoop" Salt n'Pepa
+MURRAY
+Woman, why don't you be answering any of my pages?
+DIONNE
+I hate when you call me Woman!
+MURRAY
+Where you been all weekend? What's up? You been jeepin'around behind my back?
+DIONNE
+Jeepin'?
+CHER
+Jeepin'.
+(Watch Cher closely. It's Classic!)
+MURRAY
+Jeepin', jeepin'.
+DIONNE
+No, but speaking of vehicular sex, perhaps you canexplain to me how this cheap K-mart hair extension got into the back seatof your car.
+MURRAY
+I don't know where that came from. That looks likeone of your stringy something on others you got up here...
+DIONNE
+Excuse me. I do not wear polyester hair, OK. Unlikesome people I know, like Shawanna.
+CHER
+Dee, I'm outie.
+DIONNE
+Bye.
+MURRAY
+Why do you gotta go there?
+DIONNE
+That's it. I've had it with you.
+MURRAY
+Is it that time of the month again?
+(Croud Gasps)
+CHER V.O.
+I don't know why Dionne is going out with a high schoolboy. They're like dogs. You have to clean them and feed them and they'rejust like these nervous creatures that jump and slobber all over you.
+(Random guy puts his arm aroundCher)
+CHER 
+Ooo! Get off of me! Uh, AS IF!
+SCENE IV - CLASSROOM DEBATE
+MR HALL
+Should all oppressed people be allowed refuge in America?Amber will take the con position. Cher will be pro. Cher, two minutes.
+CHER 
+So, OK, like right now, for example, the Haitiansneed to come to America. But some people are all "What about the strainon our resources?" But it's like, when I had this garden party formy father's birthday right? I said R.S.V.P. because it was a sit-down dinner.But people came that like, did not R.S.V.P. so I was like, totallybuggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, squishin extra place settings, but by the end of the day it was like, the morethe merrier! And so, if the government could just get to the kitchen, rearrangesome things, we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion,may I please remind you that it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue ofLiberty?
+(Class breaks into applause)
+CHER
+Thank you very much.
+MR HALL
+Uh, Amber? Replying?
+AMBER
+Mr. Hall, how can I answer that? The topic is Haitiand she's talking about some little party.
+CHER
+Hello?! It was his fiftieth birthday!
+AMBER
+Whatever. If she doesn't do the assignment, I can'tdo mine.
+MR HALL
+Ladies. So, does anyone have any further thoughtson Cher's oration? Elton? Comments?
+ELTON
+Yeah, I can't find my Cranberries CD. I've gotta doto the Quad before somebody snags it.
+MR HALL
+I'm afraid I can't permit that. Any further insights?
+TRAVIS
+I had an insight, Mr. Hall.
+MR HALL
+I'm all ears.
+TRAVIS
+OK, like, the way I feel about the Rolling Stonesis the way my kids are going to feel about Nine Inch Nails, so I reallyshouldn't torment my Mom anymore, huh?
+MR HALL
+Yes. Well, it's a little off the subject of Haiti,but tolerance is always a good lesson, even when it comes out of nowhere.
+TRAVIS
+Thank you.
+MR HALL
+And with that in mind, I'm going to distribute youreport cards. Now, is there a Christian Stobich in this class?
+CHER
+MR. Hall? The buzz on Christian is that his parentshave joint custody, so he'll be spending one semester in Chicagoand one semester here. I think it is a travesty on the part of the legalprofession.
+(Look at Cher's face while speaking!Ahhh, I can't take it anymore!)
+MR HALL
+Thank you for that perspective Cher.
+(Mr. Hall hands out the reportcards)
+Now could all conversations please come to a halt.
+(Travis jumps up to the window)
+And could the suicide attempts please be postponedtill the next period?
+TRAVIS
+Must die.
+(After Cher, the most classiccharacter in the movie)
+CHER V.O.
+Suddenly, a dark cloud settled over first period.I got a C in debate?!
+SCENE V - SCHOOL HALLWAY
+CHER (on phone)
+Dee?
+DIONNE
+Wassup?
+CHER
+Did you get your report card?
+DIONNE
+Yeah, I'm toast. How'd you do?
+CHER
+I totally choked. My father is going to go ballisticon me.
+DIONNE
+Mr. Hall was way harsh!
+(Cher and Dionne meet up inthe hall)
+He gave me a C minus.
+CHER
+Well, he gave me a C, which drags down my entire average.
+DIONNE
+Bye.
+CHER
+I'll call ya, OK?
+DIONNE
+Yeah.
+SCENE VI - CHER'S HOUSE
+CHER V.O.
+Isn't my house classic? The columns date all the wayback to 1972. Wasn't my Mom a betty? She died when I was just a baby. Afluke accident during a routine liposuction. I don't remember her, butI like to pretend she still watches over me.
+CHER
+Hey, Ma. 98 in geometry. Pretty groovy, huh?
+"Fake Plastic Trees(Acoustic Version)" Radiohead
+CHER V.O. 
+Yuk! Uh, the maudlin music of the University station.
+CHER
+Waa, waa, waa.
+(Cher enters the kitchen)
+Yuh, what is it about college and cry-baby music?
+JOSH
+Hey, who's watching the Galleria?
+CHER 
+So, the flannel shirt deal. Is that a nod to the crispySeattle weather, or are you just trying to stay warm in front of the refrigerator?
+JOSH (grabs Cher's tummy)
+Oo, wow. You're filling out there.
+CHER
+Wow. Your face is catching up with your mouth.
+JOSH
+I went by Dad's office.
+CHER
+He is not your Dad. Why don't you torture a new family.
+JOSH
+Hey, just because my mother marries someone else,doesn't mean he's my father.
+CHER
+Actually, Kato, that's exactly what it means.
+(They enter the Lounge)
+I hope you're not thinking of staying here.
+JOSH
+I sure want to.
+CHER
+I'm sure you do.
+JOSH
+I've got a place in Westwood, near School.
+CHER
+Shouldn't you go to school on the East Coast? I heargirls at N.Y.U. aren't at all particular.
+JOSH
+Hahaha, you're funny.
+(Josh changes the channel fromBeavis and Butthead to the News)
+CHER
+Hey! God, you just got here and already you're playingcouch Commando!
+JOSH
+Hey! In some parts of the Universe, maybe not in ContempoCasual, but in some parts, it's considered cool to know what's going onin the world.
+CHER
+Thank you, Josh. I so need lessons from you on howto be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again?
+MEL (From Dining Room)
+C'mon you chuckleheads, get in here!
+(They move to the Dining Room)
+Josh, are you still growing? You look taller thanyou did at Easter.
+JOSH
+I don't think so.
+MEL (to Cher)
+Doesn't he look bigger?
+CHER
+His head does.
+MEL
+So, Josh, have you given any thought to our littlediscussion about Corporate Law?
+JOSH
+Yeah, you know, but I think I'd really like to checkout Environmental Law.
+MEL
+What for? Do you want to have a miserable, frustratinglife?
+CHER
+Oh, Josh will have that no matter what he does.
+MEL 
+At least he knows what he's doing. And he's in goodcollege. I'd like to see you have a little bit of direction.
+CHER
+I have direction.
+JOSH
+Yeah, towards the mall.
+MEL
+Which reminds me, where's your report card?
+CHER
+It's not ready yet.
+MEL
+What do you mean, "it's not ready yet?"
+CHER
+Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy.And I know how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figurethese grades are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.
+MEL
+Very good.
+(One of the mobile phones rings,everyone answers their phone)
+CHER
+Dee?
+JOSH
+Yeah?
+MEL
+Hello? Yeah, Jake, what? NO! Not the afternoon.
+(Cher and Josh put their phonesdown)
+CHER
+You are such a brown-noser.
+JOSH
+Oh, and you are such a superficial space-cadet. Whatmakes you think you can get teachers to change your grades?
+MEL (in background)
+I told you I wanted it in the morning! Doesn't heunderstand? In the morning.
+CHER
+Only the fact that I've done it every other semester.
+SCENE VII - VARIOUS SCHOOL LOCALES
+"Shake some action"Cracker
+CHER V.O.
+I told my P.E. teaher an evil male had broken my heart,so she raised my C to a B.
+CHER
+I'm so miserable. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can'tstudy.
+MISS STOEGER
+They're slime, they're slime, I mean they're horrible,don't feel bad, don't feel bad, I know, and you see they're all like this.
+CHER V.O.
+Then I promised Miss Giest I'd start a letter writingcampaign to my congressman about violations of the clean air act.
+But Mr. Hall was totally rigid. He said my debateswere unresearched, unstructured, and unconvincing, AS IF!
+I felt impotent and out of control, which I reallyhate. I needed to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughtsand regain my strength.
+SCENE VIII - THE MALL
+DIONNE
+Dude, what's wrong? Are you suffering from buyer'sremorse or something?
+(Watch Cher flick her head)
+CHER
+God, no! Nothing like that. It's just that, we'vebeen shopping all day and I still don't know what to do about Mr. Hall.I have tried everything to convince him of my scholastic aptitude, butI was brutally rebuffed.
+DIONNE
+Get over it, OK. He's a miserable little man who wantsto make everyone else miserable too.
+CHER
+Dee, that's it! We've got to figure out a way to makeMr. Hall sublimely happy.
+SCENE IX - SCHOOL
+CHER V.O.
+Here's the four-one-one on Mr. Hall. He's single,he's 47, and he earns minor duckets for a thankless job. What that manneeds is a good healthy boinkfest. Unfortunately, there was a major babedrought in our school. The evil trolls from the math department were actuallymarried,... oooh Snickers... and in the grand tradition of P.E. teachers,Ms. Stoeger seemed to be same-sex oriented. Of course, there was alwaysMiss Giest. Something told me not to discount Miss Giest. Well sure, shehas runs in her stockings, and her slip is always showing, and she alwayshas more lipstick on her teeth than her mouth. God, this woman is screamingfor a make-over. I'm her only hope.
+(Cher is writing a note outsideMiss Giest's pidgeon hole)
+DIONNE
+Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May but thyeternal summer shall not fade. Phat! Did you write that?
+CHER
+Duh, it's like a famous quote.
+DIONNE
+From where?
+CHER
+Cliff's notes.
+DIONNE
+Oh.
+(Travis and Miss Giest walkout of her office toward where Cher and Dionne have split the scene)
+MISS GIEST
+I know you're going to be better now. Now, you runalong and I'll see you third period and you will try to remember to bringyour textbook.
+TRAVIS
+Uh, OK.
+(Miss Giest reads the note leftby the girls and her face brightens)
+DIONNE
+Oh, my God! She actually looked happy!
+CHER
+Oooh, classic!
+(Scene changes to Mr. Hall'sclassroom)
+MR HALL
+Paroudasm Budapshawn, 16 tardies to work off.
+(Paroudasm mutters somethingin Farsi and his friends cheer)
+Janet Huon, no tardies.
+CLASSMATES
+Kisser!
+MR HALL
+Travis Berkenstock, 38 tardies. By far the most tardiesin the class. Congratulations.
+(The whole class cheers andapplaudes. Travis approaches the podium)
+TRAVIS 
+This is so unexpected, I, uh, I didn't even have aspeech prepared. Uh, but I would like to say this: Tardiness is not somethingyou can do all on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness.Uh, I'd like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school,the L.A. city bus driver for taking a chance on an unknown kid, and, uh,last but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonalds for spending hoursmaking those egg McMuffins, without which I might never be tardy.
+MR HALL 
+Well, if Mr. Berkenstock has no political messagesto include in his speech, I'll go on. Cher Horowitz, two tardies.
+CHER
+I object! Do you recall the dates of these allegedtardies?
+(Cher in lawyer mode. Legendary!)
+MR HALL
+One was last Monday!
+CHER
+Mr. Hall, I was surfing the crimson wave, I had tohaul ass to the ladies'.
+MR HALL
+I assume your referring to women's troubles, and soI'll let that one slide.
+CHER
+Thank you, Mr. Hall. Miss Giest was right about you.
+MR HALL
+What do you mean?
+CHER
+Well, she said that you were the only one in thisschool with any intelligence.
+SCENE X - CHER'S HOUSE
+MEL
+Cher, get in here!
+CHER
+Yes, Daddy?
+MEL
+Would you tell me what the hell this is?
+CHER
+Um, a second notice for three outstanding tickets.I don't remember getting a first notice.
+MEL
+The ticket is the first notice. I didn't even knowyou could get tickets without a licence.
+CHER
+Oh, sure you can. You can get tickets anytime.
+MEL
+Oh, is that so?
+(Cher nods)
+Well not around here you can't. From this moment on,you will not drive, sit, do anything in that jeep without a superviseddriver present. And no cruisin' around with Dionne, alright? Two permitsdo not equal a licence! Do I make myself clear?
+CHER
+Yes, Daddy.
+MEL
+Cher, I expect you to become a good driver. I wantto see you apply yourself.
+CHER
+I will. I'm gonna practise real hard.
+MEL
+OK.
+(The scene moves to the poolside)
+CHER V.O. 
+A licenced driver with nothing to do? Where wouldI find such a loser?
+CHER
+Hey, granola breath, you got something on your chin.
+JOSH
+I'm growing a goatee.
+CHER
+Oh, that's good. You don't want to be the last oneat the coffee house without chin pubes.
+JOSH
+I can't tell you how much I enjoy these little chatsof ours, but in the interest of saving time, why don't you just tell mewhat you want.
+CHER
+OK. So, actually, I have a permit and I can driveand all, but Daddy says I can't take the jeep out without a licenced driver,and since your not doing anything and all, you know?
+JOSH
+What are the chances of you shutting up until youget your way?
+CHER
+Hmmm, slim to none. C'mon!
+SCENE XI - CHER'S CAR
+JOSH
+Hey, James Bond, in America we drive on the rightside of the road.
+CHER
+I am. You try driving in platforms.
+JOSH 
+Look, I got to get back to school. Ah, you want topractise parking?
+CHER
+What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet. Whatclass you going to?
+JOSH
+Actually, I'm going to a tree people meeting. Me mightget Marky Mark to plant a celebrity tree.
+CHER
+How fabulous. Getting Marky Mark to take time fromhis busy pants-dropping schedule to plant trees? Josh, why don't you justhire a gardener?
+JOSH
+You know, maybe Marky Mark wants to use his popularityfor a good cause, make a contribution. In case you have never heard ofthat, a contribution is the giving of...
+CHER
+Excuse me, but I have donated many expensive Italianoutfits to Lucy...
+JOSH
+time... funds...
+CHER
+And as soon as I get my licence I fully intend tobrake for animals, and I have contributed many hours helping two lonelyteachers find romance.
+JOSH 
+Which I'll bet serves your interest more than theirs.You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn't ninety percent selfish,I'd die of shock.
+CHER
+Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.
+SCENE XII - SCHOOL
+CHER
+Would you call me selfish?
+DIONNE
+No. Not to your face.
+CHER
+Really?
+DIONNE
+What's wrong? Is Josh giving you shit because he'sgoing through his post-adolescent idealistic phase?
+CHER
+Look, there's Mr. Hall.
+(The girls run over to Mr. Hall)
+Mr. Hall, Mr. Hall, Mr. Hall, um, do you drink coffee?
+MR HALL
+Well, not from this cafeteria. But, uh, yes undernormal circumstances.
+CHER
+Well, I am such a retard. When I was packing Daddy'slunch this morning I gave him my lemon snapple, and I took his sucky Italianroast. Do you want it?
+MR HALL
+Are you sure you don't want it?
+CHER
+Duh, it might stunt my growth. I wanna be 5'10"like Cindy Crawford. But I thought maybe you and Miss Giest might likeit?
+DIONNE
+Maybe you can share it?
+MR HALL
+Well, uh, thanks.
+CHER
+Sure.
+(To Dionne)
+Hmm?
+(Outside Miss Giest's office,she opens the door)
+CHER & DIONNE
+Miss Giest!
+MISS GIEST
+Hi girls. Did you sign up for the environmental fair?
+DIONNE
+Oh, yeah, we will.
+CHER
+You have such pretty eyes. Don't hide them. And theseclips are so cute.
+DIONNE
+And this tiny little waist. Oooh, wow.
+MISS GIEST
+Girls. Oh, and don't forget to sign up for the environmentalfair.
+DIONNE
+Not a total betty, but a vast improvement.
+CHER
+Well, we did our best. 
+DIONNE
+Mmmm, Hmmm.
+CHER
+We gotta book it if we're going to make it to P.E.
+(Scene moves outside)
+C'mon, Dee.
+DIONNE
+Ohh, I feel like failing, dude, c'mon.
+CHER
+I know what you mean, but at least it's exercise.I feel like such a heffer. I had two bowls of special K, three pieces ofturkey bacon, a handful of popcorn, five peanut butter M&M's, and like,three pieces of licorice.
+DIONNE
+(Gasp) Oh, my God. Look.Is that a photo op, or what?
+CHER
+Will you look at that body language? Legs crossedtowards each other. That's an unequivocal sex invite.
+DIONNE
+Oh, Cher, he's getting her digits. Look at Giest,she is so cute.
+CHER
+Ohh, old people can be so sweet.
+"Change" LightningSeeds
+(The following scenes show MissGiest and Mr. Hall get it on while everyone is thanking Cher.)
+CHER V.O.
+The entire student body wasutterly grateful for the improvement in their grades.
+SCENE XIII - CHER'S HOUSE
+MEL
+Cher, what's this all about?
+CHER
+My report card?
+MEL
+The same semester?
+CHER
+Uh-huh.
+MEL
+What'd you do? Turn in someextra-credit reports?
+CHER
+No.
+MEL
+You take the mid-terms over?
+CHER
+Uh-uh.
+MEL 
+You mean to tell me that youargued your way from a C+ to an A-?
+CHER
+Totally based on my powers ofpersuasion. You proud?
+MEL
+Honey, I couldn't be happierthan if they were based on real grades.
+CHER
+Thank you.
+MEL
+Fabulous.
+SCENE XIV - SCHOOL P.E.
+"Girls Just Wanna HaveFun" Robert Hazard
+CHER V.O.
+I felt so satisfied, I wantedto do more good deeds.
+(Dionne sneezes)
+CHER
+Dee, when your allergies actup, take out your nose-ring.
+MISS STOEGER
+Follow... through! There yougo, there you go. All right, Cher. Earth to Cher! Come in Cher!
+CHER
+Oh. Miss Stoeger? I would justlike to say that physical education in this school is a disgrace. I mean,standing in line for forty minutes is hardly aerobically effective. I doubtI've worked off the calories in a stick of care-free gum.
+(Class cheers)
+MISS STOEGER
+Well, you certainly exercisedyour mouth Cher. Now, hit the ball.
+(Ball flies by, inches fromCher's nose)
+CHER
+Miss Stoeger, that machine isjust a lawsuit waiting to happen!
+MISS STOEGER 
+Thanks for the legal advice.
+(Cher returns to line)
+Dionne? You're up.
+DIONNE
+Uh, no, Miss Stoeger? I havea note from my tennis instructor, and he would prefer it if I didn't exposemyself to any training that might derail his teachings.
+MISS STOEGER
+Fine! Amber?
+AMBER
+Miss Stoeger. My plastic surgeondoesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.
+DIONNE
+Well, there goes your sociallife.
+(Girls giggle. Principal walksonto the scene)
+PRINCIPAL
+Miss Stoeger? Got another one.Ladies, we have a new student with us. This is Tai Frasier.
+MISS STOEGER
+Tai, you don't have time tochange, but you could hit a few balls in those clothes.
+AMBER
+She could be a farmer in thoseclothes.
+CHER
+Dee, my mission is clear. Wouldyou look at that girl? She is so adorably clueless. We have got to adopther.
+DIONNE
+Cher, she is toe-up. Our stockwould plummet.
+CHER
+Dee, don't you want to use yourpopularity for a good cause?
+DIONNE
+No.
+CHER
+(Motions to Tai)
+C'mere. Yeah, c'mere. Hang withus.
+TAI
+Oh, thank you.
+CHER
+How do you like California?
+TAI
+Man, I am freakin'. I couldreally use some sort of a herbal refreshment?
+DIONNE
+Well, we do lunch in ten minutes.We don't have any tea, but we have Coke and stuff.
+TAI
+No shit! You guys got Coke here?
+DIONNE
+Well, yeah.
+CHER
+Yeah, this is America.
+(Scene changes to the girlswalking down main path)
+"Unknown song and artist"
+CHER V.O.
+So, we decided to show Tai theropes at Bronson Alcott High School.
+CHER
+That is Alana's group over there.They do the T.V. station. They think that's the most important thing onEarth. And that's the Persian mafia. You can't hang with them unless youown a BMW. And there's Elton in the white vest, and all the most popularboys in the school.
+DIONNE
+Including my boyfriend. Ain'the cute?
+TAI
+Yeah.
+CHER
+If you make the decision todate a high school boy, they are the only acceptable ones.
+TAI
+Cher, which one of them is yourboyfriend?
+CHER
+As if!
+DIONNE
+Cher's got attitude about highschool boys.
+CHER
+It's a personal choice everywoman has got to make for herself.
+(Murray approaches the girls)
+MURRAY (toDionne) 
+Woman, lend me five dollars.
+DIONNE
+Murray, I have asked you repeatedlynot to call me Woman!
+MURRAY
+Excuse me, Miss Dionne. 
+DIONNE
+Thank you.
+MURRAY 
+OK, but street slang is an increasinglyvalid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking,but not necessarily in a misogynistic undertone.
+(Murray hops away)
+TAI
+Wow! You guys talk like grown-ups.
+CHER
+Oh, well, this is a really goodschool.
+TAI
+I'm gonna go get a soda. Youguys want?
+CHER
+Sure.
+TAI
+Alright.
+DIONNE
+She's nice.
+CHER
+Oooh, project!
+(I can't put that cute littlesqueal into words)
+(Scene changes to inside cafeteria)
+"My Iron Lung"Radiohead
+TRAVIS (Tofood)
+Oh, wow. That's disgusting.
+(To Tai)
+That's nice representation.
+TAI
+Thanks. Those are really nicestickers.
+TRAVIS
+Oh, you like 'em? See, I wasthinking it was too cluttered. You know, I wanna wipe all of this out andconcentrate on one main decorative statement. Like, uh, Marvin the Martian.Right there.
+TAI
+Get outa town! I can do Marvinthe Martian.
+TRAVIS
+Really?
+TAI
+Well, I mean, there's not reallya lot to him. But, you wanna see?
+TRAVIS
+Yeah.
+TAI
+Here.
+TRAVIS
+Oh, wow! That's really cool.
+TAI
+Thanks.
+TRAVIS
+You drew that?
+TAI
+Yeah, and wait, I got... onehere.
+TRAVIS
+You didn't trace this?
+TAI
+Uh-uh. No. Here's another oneover here. And, lots of little guys. 
+TRAVIS
+That is so cute! 
+TAI
+I love to draw.
+TRAVIS
+You're really good at it.
+TAI
+No.
+TRAVIS
+Yeah, really you are.
+TAI
+No.
+TRAVIS
+Yeah!
+(Scene changes to outside)
+DIONNE
+Are you sure that's fat free?
+CHER
+Oh, yes. And you lose wait bydoing it like this. Like really small.
+(Dionne giggles/hisses)
+It's true.
+TAI
+I met a really cool guy.
+CHER
+Describe!
+TAI
+Alright, he's got long hair,he's really funny, and straight off, right? He offers me some smoke. Therehe is!
+CHER
+Are you talking about drugs?
+TAI
+Yeah.
+CHER
+Tai, how old are you?
+TAI
+I'll be sixteen in May.
+CHER
+My birthday is in April, andas someone older, can I please give you some advice?
+(Tai nods)
+It is one thing to spark upa dubie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried allday.
+DIONNE
+Do you see the distinction?
+TAI
+Yeah.
+CHER
+Loadies generally hang on thegrassy knoll over there.
+"unknown song and artist"guitarish
+Sometimes they come to classand say bonehead things, and we all laugh, of course. But no respectablegirl actually dates them. 
+DIONNE
+Hmm-mm.
+CHER 
+You don't want to start offon the wrong foot, do you?????????????
+(TAI shakes her head)
+I've got an idea. Let's do amake-over!
+(Dionne lights up)
+TAI
+No, no.
+DIONNE
+Oh, c'mon! Let us! Cher's mainthrill in life is a make-over. OK, it gives her a sense of control on aworld full of chaos.
+CHER
+Pleeeaaase.
+(How could anyone resist that?!)
+TAI
+Sure. Why not? Shit! You guys!I have never had straight friends before.
+ 
+SCENE XV - MAKE-OVER AT CHER'SHOUSE
+"Supermodel" JillSobule
+(Various scenes of Cher andDionne making over Tai, then Cher and Tai working out in the lounge room)
+CHER
+Squeeze in.
+TAI
+Cher, I don't wanna do thisany more, and my buns, they don't feel nothin' like steel.
+CHER
+OK, it will get easier, I promise.Just as long as we do it every day. Not just sporadically.
+TAI
+How do you know if we're doingit sporadically?
+CHER
+That's another thing, Tai. We'vegot to work on your accent and vocabulary. See, sporadic means once ina while. Try and use it in a sentence today.
+TAI
+Alright.
+CHER
+OK, from now on we're alternatingCindy Crawford's "Aerobicise" and "Buns of Steel",and reading one non-school book a week. My first book is "Fit or Fat".
+TAI
+Mine is "Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus".
+CHER
+Good. Now that takes care ofour minds and bodies, but we should do something good for mankind or theplanet for a couple of hours.
+(Josh walks in)
+JOSH
+Hey, brainiac.
+CHER
+Uh, the dreaded ex. Tai, thisis Josh.
+JOSH
+Nice to meet ya.
+CHER 
+Hey! You know about this stuff.I want to do something good for humanity.
+JOSH
+How about sterilization?
+(Tai cracks up. Cher and Joshenter the kitchen)
+CHER
+So, what do ya think?
+JOSH
+I'm amazed.
+CHER
+That I'm devoting myself sogenerously to someone else?
+JOSH
+No, that you've found someoneeven more clueless than you are to worship you.
+CHER
+I am rescuing her from teenagehell. Do you know the wounds from adolescence can take years to heal?
+JOSH
+Yeah, and you've never had amother so you're acting out on that poor girl as if she was your Barbiedoll.
+CHER
+Freshman psych rears it's uglyhead
+JOSH
+Hey, I am not taking psych.
+CHER
+Whatever. I am going to takethat lost soul in there and make her well-dressed and popular. Her lifewill be better because of me. How many girls can say that about you?
+(Josh and Cher walk back tothe lounge where Tai is watching T.V. and singing along with the "Mentos"ad. God I hatethose ads!)
+JOSH
+Be seein' ya.
+TAI
+Yeah, I hope not sporadically.
+SCENE XVI - SCHOOL
+CHER
+Oh, my God. Do you see how boysare responding? My heart is totally bursting.
+DIONNE
+I know. I'm kvelling!
+(Travis approaches)
+TRAVIS
+Cher, you have Timor, right?
+CHER
+Giest.
+TRAVIS
+Hey, Tai! Did you get a flyer?
+TAI
+Uh-uh.
+TRAVIS
+Here.
+TAI
+Thanks. Wow, a party!
+CHER
+It's in the Valley. The copsusually break 'em up in less than an hour, and it takes that long to getthere.
+DIONNE
+And besides, it's just localloadies.
+TAI
+Do you guys think that Travisis gonna be there?
+DIONNE
+Tai, I thought we moved on fromthere.
+CHER
+Don't sell yourself short now.You've got something going for you that no one in this school has.
+TAI
+Oh, I'm not a virgin.
+CHER
+I mean mystery. As far as everyoneis concerned you were the most popular girl in your school, and the factthat you hang with Dee and I, well...
+DIONNE
+Speaks very highly of you.
+CHER
+If you strike while the ironis hot, you can have any guy that you want.
+TAI
+Like who?
+CHER
+Let's see. Who's available?There's Bronson... I got it! Elton! He just broke up with Collette.
+DIONNE
+Oh, yes!
+TAI
+Who's Elton?
+DIONNE
+Oh, my God. He's way popular.He's like the social director of the crew.
+CHER
+Yeah, and his Dad can get youinto any concert, and I noticed him scoping you out.
+TAI
+He was looking at me?
+CHER
+He said you gave him a toothache.
+TAI
+How'd I do that?
+CHER
+It's an expression. It meanshe thought you were sweet.
+TAI
+Yeah?
+CHER
+Yeah.
+TAI
+Wow.
+DIONNE
+Is that true?
+CHER
+No.
+DIONNE
+Oh, you are so bad.
+(Scene moves to fountain whereCher is taking pictures of the crew)
+"Alright" Supergrass
+CHER
+Ok, you guys, all get together.Oh, that is great. Smile! Tai, Tai, get a little closer. Closer Tai. Good,great! Hey, Elton, uh, why don't you put your arm around Tai?
+ELTON
+(Unwillingly)Alright!
+CHER
+Yeah, that's great.
+(Check out Cher's little smileand rock! Awesome!)
+OK. Tai, c'mere, c'mere, Tai.
+(Scene moves to just Cher andTai by bushes)
+Hold that.
+TAI
+OK.
+CHER
+OK.
+(Elton approaches.)
+ELTON
+Cool picture.
+CHER
+Doesn't she look classic?
+ELTON
+Yeah, this is beautiful.
+CHER
+She looks like one of thoseBottichellis chicks.
+ELTON
+Hey, why don't you make me acopy of this, OK?
+CHER
+Sure.
+(Another one of Cher's littlesqueals. Classic!)
+SCENE XVII - CHER'S HOUSE,DINING ROOM
+CHER
+Hi Daddy. This is my friend,Tai.
+MEL
+Get out of my chair!
+(Tai moves to opposite Cher.Lucy brings in dinner.)
+CHER
+Thank you, Lucy. It looks great.
+MEL
+What is this crap?
+CHER
+Daddy, it's from the "Cutyour Colesterol" cook book. Doctor Lovitz says you've got to get downto two hundred.
+(Cher's pager beeps.)
+MEL
+No calls tonight.
+CHER
+But it's Dionne, it might...
+MEL
+Sorry!
+CHER
+It might be important.
+MEL 
+We're going to have a nice familydinner. So, uh, what'd you do at school today?
+CHER
+Well... I broke in my purpleclogs.
+(Mel's phone rings.)
+MEL
+Yeah, hello? Alright, Jake.Yeah, yeah, no, no, what?
+CHER
+Dee? Whatup?
+DIONNE
+So, check it. Murray's geometryclass is right by Elton's locker, and taped up inside was the picture youtook of Tai.
+CHER
+Oh, my God.
+TAI
+What?
+CHER
+Elton's got a picture of youhanging up in his locker.
+TAI
+Oh, no shit!
+DIONNE 
+Hello! So, anyway, the wholecrew is going to this party in the Valley.
+CHER
+Bye. 
+(Cher hangs up the phone.)
+Looks like we're going to haveto make a cameo at the Val party.
+MEL (inbackground)
+I told you I want it in themorning. No!
+SCENE XVIII - MURRAY'S CAR
+DIONNE
+Murray!
+MURRAY
+Just look at the top of themap. Sun Valley is north.
+DIONNE
+OK, no. All I see is Bel Air,OK.
+MURRAY
+Then you're on the wrong map.
+DIONNE
+I am not on the wrong map.
+MURRAY
+Look at the number on the top.What is the number on the top?
+DIONNE
+There are no numbers on thetop. There's letters.
+(Murray makes a frustrated noise.)
+DIONNE
+Murray, shut up!
+CHER
+Please don't friz out!
+SCENE XIX - THE VAL PARTY
+(The gang pull up outside theparty.)
+Listen Tai, when we get theremake sure Elton sees you, but don't say hi first. Look like you're havingfun and you're really popular. Talk to someone in his eyeline, preferablya guy. Make him come to you, and find an excuse to leave while he's stillinto the conversation. The key is, always have him wanting more. You gotit?
+TAI
+I got it.
+CHER
+OK.
+TRAVIS
+Heads up!
+(Does a rail slide with hisskateboard on the stair-rail.)
+TAI
+Oh, did you just see that?!
+CHER
+Oh, God. Skateboards, that islike, so five years ago.
+TRAVIS
+Oh, you guys came! That's great!You want a beer? I'll get you one.
+CHER (toTai)
+No.
+(The girls enter the party house.)
+"Unknown song and artist"
+TAI
+This is ragin'.
+CHER
+Let's do a lap before we committo a location.
+(Dionne drags a dancing girlaway from Murray.)
+DIONNE
+Who was that?!
+TAI
+Cher, ain't that the same dressthat you was wearin' yesterday?
+CHER
+Say, Ambular?
+AMBER
+Hi.
+CHER
+Was that you going through mylaundry?
+AMBER
+As if. Like I would really wearsomething from Judy's.
+CHER
+Do you prefer fashion victimor ensembly challenged?
+(Amber walks off.)
+AMBER
+Uh!
+CHER
+What a clone.
+TAI
+Cher, you looked much betterin that dress than she did.
+(Travis bursts onto the scenespilling drink on Cher's shoes.)
+CHER
+Uh! Ruin my satin shoes, whydon't you?!
+TRAVIS
+I'm sorry.
+(They move to the kitchen.)
+CHER
+Excuse me, my shoes! Uh! Thisis so not fixable.
+TRAVIS
+It's a small price to pay tothe party gods. Look, I'll make amends. How about some chronic shit?
+CHER
+Oh, it's the least you coulddo.
+TAI
+Spark it.
+CHER
+Hey, Elton's over there. Actlike Travis is saying something funny.
+(Tai hands joint to Cher andblows smoke in her face.)
+TAI
+Sorry.
+(Tai starts cracking up.)
+TRAVIS
+What's so funny?
+TAI
+Nothing.
+(Elton approaches and reachesbehind Cher for the joint)
+CHER
+Oh, here.
+(Summer enters holding a card)
+SUMMER
+Hey, everyone! Let's play suckand blow.
+(The card passes through thegroup until Elton drops it (on purpose)and plants one right on Cher's mouth)
+CHER
+God, Elton. Can you suck?
+(Dionne screams in the background)
+It's Dee. C'mon!
+(Scene changes to the bathroom,where Murray is getting his head shaved)
+DIONNE
+What have you done! Oh, my God!Uh! Why did you do this to your head?!
+MURRAY
+Because I'm keeping it real.Because I'm keeping it real.
+DIONNE
+What?!
+MURRAY
+'Cause I'm keeping it... 'causeI'm keeping it real.
+DIONNE (toCher)
+Look! Look what he's done tohis head! Can you believe this?
+MURRAY
+Look at Lawrence's head. Alright?
+LAWRENCE
+It's the bomb!
+MURRAY
+You know what I'm sayin'? Youlook good.
+LAWRENCE
+As will you.
+DIONNE
+What'd you care what he thinks,Murray? I'm the one that has to look at you. That was a big mistake. Whatam I going to do with you now? And right before the year book pictures?What am I going to tell my grandchildren?
+MURRAY
+Alright.
+DIONNE
+You know what? Ok, that's it.
+MURRAY (mimicking)
+That's it.
+DIONNE
+You wanna play games?
+MURRAY (mimickingagin)
+You wanna play games?
+DIONNE
+I'm calling your mother.
+MURRAY
+I'm... I'm ca... Oh, wait! Oh,no, no, no, no, no, no. No, wait. Don't call my Ma.
+LAWRENCE
+Yo, man. Chill, chill!
+MURRAY
+Chill?!
+(Cher and Tai start walkingaway)
+CHER
+Same thing happened at the springdance. She spent the entire after-party in the bathroom.
+TAI
+See, that almost destroyed bybuzz.
+CHER
+I'm still baked.
+TAI
+Yeah.
+(Back to the dance floor.)
+"Rollin' With My Homies"Coolio
+CHER
+What do ya say, we go bump intopeople?
+TAI
+Yeah, I'm cool with that.
+TRAVIS (fromon the fireplace)
+Hey, Tai! Wait up! Whooh!
+(Travis jumps onto the crowd.No one keeps him up and he hits the deck.)
+TAI
+Are you OK?
+TRAVIS (todancers)
+Where's your sense of pit hospitality?
+TAI
+That was so cool, the way youdid that. I wish I could do it.
+TRAVIS
+Oh, no, don't.
+TAI
+Why not?
+TRAVIS
+Well, 'cause if girls did it,what would guys do to impress them?
+TAI
+I don't know, like stuff. Youknow?
+TRAVIS
+What kind of stuff?
+(Cher spots Travis tuning Taiand butts in to stop it)
+CHER
+Tai, I need you.
+TAI
+OK.
+CHER
+Elton's over there.
+(The girls start dancing. AsTai is trying to impress Elton she is hit in the head by a flying Clog)
+CHER
+Tai! Tai, Elton, help me!
+(Elton carries Tai into thekitchen and places her on the counter)
+CHER
+Thank you.
+TRAVIS
+Here, you should use ice.
+CHER
+No, Travis! We've got it undercontrol. 
+TRAVIS
+Tai, are you OK?
+CHER
+Travis, Tai would have wantedyou to enjoy the party.
+CHER 
+If it's a concussion, you haveto keep her concious, OK? Ask her questions.
+ELTON
+What's seven times seven?
+CHER
+Stuff she knows!
+(Tai sits up and hits her headon the light. Whata clutz!)
+ELTON
+Some bump you've got there.
+TAI
+Yeah.
+ELTON
+Yeah? You ready to go back outthere?
+TAI
+Yeah, I am.
+ELTON
+Alright. Are you sure? Can youdo this? (Singing)Rollin' with the homies.
+TAI
+(Singing)Rollin' with the homies. 
+(Great voice.)
+ELTON
+Yeah, let's do it. You're ready.
+(Elton and Tai go back to thedance floor.)
+CHER V.O.
+I had to give myself snaps forall the good deeds I was doing. It was so great. Love was everywhere. Eventhough I was alone, I was really happy for Tai. It's like that book I readin ninth grade that said, "'tis a far, far better thing doing stufffor other people."
+(Scene changed to outside bythe pool. Cher's phone rings.)
+CHER 
+Hello?
+MEL
+Do you know what time it is?
+CHER
+A watch really doesn't go withthis outfit, Daddy.
+MEL
+Where are you?
+CHER
+Uuhh, just having a snack withmy girlfriends.
+MEL
+Where, in Kuwait?!
+CHER
+Is that in the Valley?
+MEL
+Cher, I expect you to walk inthis door in twenty minutes.
+CHER
+Well, um, it might take longerthan that, Dad.
+MEL
+Everywhere in L.A. takes twentyminutes.
+(Cher hangs up the phone.)
+(Scene changes to outside frontof party house.)
+CHER
+Sorry to make you leave, Dionneis bucking for best dramatic actress at a Val party.
+(Tai laughs.)
+CHER
+Hey, Summer!
+SUMMER
+Hi! Pretty random fiesta. Needa ride home?
+CHER
+That'd be great! Thanks!
+ELTON
+No, I got it.
+SUMMER
+Well, I'm right below Wilshireand Lindon.
+TAI
+Oh, that's right near me! I'm,um, above Olympic.
+ELTON
+Great! Then, Tai you'll go withSummer, and Cher you'll come with me.
+CHER
+Actually, you could take Wilshireto Cannon and that turns into Bennedict.
+ELTON
+Well, then she'd have to goback south and I'm already going north.
+CHER
+But, you could take Tai on yourway up to Sunset. Yeah.
+ELTON
+That doesn't make any sense!I'd have to get off the freeway, I hate that. Tai, go with Summer, Cher,you'll come with me. Watch your feet.
+(Each get into respective carsand wave each other goodbye.)
+SCENE XX - ELTON'S CAR
+"Away" The Cranberries
+(Elton is singing along to music.Trying to be sexy, but he fails miserably,the sleazy bastard!)
+CHER
+Didn't Tai look cute tonight?
+(Elton just sings.)
+I really love her hair whenit's all wild, you know? But it's also very pretty when it's all up, withthat curly tendrils. Like in that picture I took.
+ELTON
+You know, you're one of my bestfriends and I do not have friends that are girls.
+CHER
+Well, I'm glad, because yourhappiness means a lot to me.
+ELTON
+It does?
+CHER
+Sure. I mean, I saw how hardyour breakup with Collette was.
+ELTON
+Yeah. I think we both know whatit feels like to be lonely.
+CHER
+Whatever. The thing is, is thatI'd really like to see you settled already.
+(Elton pulls the car into aparking lot.)
+Where are we going?
+(The car stops.)
+ELTON
+I knew it, I knew it.
+(Elton makes a pass at Cher.)
+CHER
+Oooh, you knew what?!
+ELTON
+That you were totally sprungon me.
+CHER
+Hello?! Don't you mean Tai?
+ELTON
+Tai?!
+CHER
+You have her picture in yourlocker.
+ELTON
+I have the picture you tookin my locker.
+CHER
+Ohh, I'm having a twin peaksexperience.
+ELTON
+I knew it, I knew it when youkissed me.
+CHER
+Suck and Blow is a game, Elton!
+(Elton has another go at Cher.)
+Stop it!
+ELTON
+Alright! You know, I don't getyou Cher. I mean, you flirt with me all year.
+CHER
+As if! I have been tryng toget you together with Tai.
+ELTON
+Tai?! Why would I go with Tai?
+CHER
+Why not?
+ELTON
+Why not? Why not?! Don't youeven know who my father is?
+CHER
+You are snob and a half.
+ELTON
+Cher, listen to me. Me and Tai,I mean, we don't make any sense, right? Me and you, well, makes sense.
+(Elton tries for Cher, yet again.)
+CHER
+Cut it out!
+ELTON
+C'mon.
+CHER
+Stop it!
+(Cher gets out of the car.)
+(Watch Cher compose herselfafter getting out of the car. i.e. the head movements and sound effects.)
+ELTON
+Cher?! Where are you going?You're only hurting yourself here, baby. C'mon, you gonna walk home? Wouldyou get back in the car, please? Get back in the car.
+CHER
+Leave me alone!
+ELTON
+Fine!
+(Elton drives away.What a prick!)
+CHER
+Hey, where are you going? Shit!
+(Cher whips out the phone anddials)
+OPERATOR
+Valley information.
+CHER
+Yeah, do you have the numberof a cab company?
+OPERATOR
+Which one?
+CHER
+I don't know which one. Whatdo you have out here?
+OPERATOR
+We have Valley Cabs...
+ROBBER
+Hand it over.
+(Cher squeals/moans)
+Give me the phone.
+(Cher complies)
+OK. Bag, too. C'mon! Alright,now, uh, get down on the ground. Face down. C'mon!
+CHER
+Oh, no. You don't understand,this is an Alaia.
+ROBBER
+An a-what-a?
+CHER
+It's like a totally importantdesigner.
+ROBBER
+And I will totally shoot youin the head. Get down!
+(Cher whimpers as she lies downon the pavement)
+Alright, um, count to a hundred.Thank you.
+CHER
+One, two...
+CHER V.O.
+The evening had turned intoa royal mess. Sexually harrassed, robbed. I didn't know the number of theparty, so I couldn't call Dionne, and Daddy would kill me if he knew whereI was. There was just one person left to call, and I really, really didn'twant to call him.
+(Cher dials up Josh's place.He's trying to get it on with his girlfriend)
+JOSH
+C'mon.
+(Phone rings)
+Hello.
+CHER
+Josh, you busy?
+HEATHER
+Who is it?
+JOSH
+It's Mel's daughter.
+CHER
+So, OK, I was at this party,and my designated driver tried to attack me, so I got out 'cause we'd stopped,and then he drove off and deserted me, and then this guy with a gun heldme up, took my money, and my phone and he yelled at me and he forced meto ruin my dress.
+JOSH
+OK, OK, look, um. Where areyou?
+CHER
+Sun Valley.
+JOSH
+Man, you owe me.
+SCENE XXI - JOSH'S CAR
+"The Ghost in You"Counting Crows
+HEATHER
+The man is ridiculous. He doesn't have one uniquethought in his little, puny brain.
+JOSH
+I think there's some merit in learning the form straightoff.
+SCENE XXIV - CHER'S HOUSE
+CHER V.O.
+Suddenly, Daddy had a case that had to be solved rightaway, so some clerks and Josh came to help him go through a gazillion depositions.
+(The doorbell rings)
+CHER (from upstairs)
+Daddy!
+MEL
+What?
+CHER
+I can't just open it, I have to make him wait a while.
+MEL
+Then he can wait outside.
+CHER
+Josh, pleeeaaase!
+(Who could resist that?!)
+C'mon, Josh? C'mon.
+(Josh opens the door. Christianwalks right in)
+CHRISTIAN
+What do ya hear?
+JOSH
+She's not ready.
+(The two of them walk over towhere Mel is working)
+CHRISTIAN
+Hey, man.
+(Christian extends his hand,but Mel ignores it)
+Nice pile of bricks you got here.
+MEL
+You drink?
+CHRISTIAN
+No, thanks. I'm cool.
+MEL
+I'm not offering, I'm asking you if you drink? Youthink I'd give alcohol to teenage drivers taking my daughter out?
+CHRISTIAN
+Hey, man. The protective vibe, I dig.
+MEL
+What's with you kid? You think the death of SammyDavis left an opening in the Rat Pack?
+(Cher appears walking down thestairs. Josh and every male in the audienceis stunned)
+CHER
+Christian.
+CHRISTIAN
+Doll face.
+CHER
+Handsome.
+CHRISTIAN
+Stunning.
+JOSH (to Mel)
+You're not letting her go out like that, are ya?
+MEL
+Cher, get in here.
+CHER
+What's up, Daddy?
+MEL
+What the hell is that?
+CHER
+A dress.
+MEL
+Says who?
+CHER
+Calvin Klein.
+MEL
+It looks like underwear. Go upstairs and put somethingover it.
+CHER
+Duh, I was just going to.
+(Cher runs off)
+MEL 
+Hey, you?!
+(Christian turns around)
+Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and shovel.I doubt anybody would miss you.
+(Cher reappears)
+CHER
+Bye, Daddy. C'mon!
+(They walk out)
+CHER
+	•	It's so killer!

+CHRISTIAN
+Thank you. Your dad is pretty scary.
+CHER
+Isn't he?
+CHRISTIAN
+You like Billie Holiday?
+CHER
+I love him.
+CHRISTIAN
+Right.
+"Miss Brown To You"Billie Holiday
+(They drive off)
+JOSH
+I didn't like him.
+MEL
+What's to like?
+JOSH
+I think I should go to the party.
+MEL
+If you feel like you should go...
+JOSH
+You don't need me, do ya?
+MEL
+No, no, no.
+JOSH
+I mean, unless you want? I mean, unless you want?
+MEL
+Josh! Go to the party. Go, go, go, go.
+JOSH
+OK. I'll watch her for you.
+(Josh walks off)
+MEL
+You do that.
+SCENE XXV - THE FRAT PARTY
+"Someday I Suppose"Mighty Mighty Bosstones
+(Everyone is just dancing. Taienters)
+CHER
+Tai!
+(Tai falls down the stairs onher butt! Classic!)
+Oh, my God. Tai, are you OK?
+TAI
+God, shit! That is so embarassing!
+CHER
+No, no one saw.
+TAI
+Now, all night long, I'm gonnabe known as that girl who fell on her butt.
+CHER
+Tai, no one noticed.
+"Where'd You Go?"Mighty Mighty Bosstones
+COLLEGE GUY
+Wow! Are you OK? That lookedreally bad.
+TAI
+Yeah, thanks.
+(Tai spots Elton dancing withAmber.)
+Oh, my God, Cher, look. He'sgoing with Amber?!
+CHER
+No, he's probably just dancingwith her.
+TAI
+Do you think she's pretty?
+CHER
+No, she's a full on Monet.
+TAI
+What's a monet?
+CHER
+It's like a painting, see? Fromfar away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess. Let's ask a guy.Christian, what do you think of Amber?
+CHRISTIAN
+Hagsville.
+CHER
+See?
+CHRISTIAN
+Dig this. They're charging forbrewskies. Cash me a five, I'll pay you back.
+CHER
+Sure.
+(Christian kisses Cher on thecheek)
+CHRISTIAN
+Thanks.
+(Christian walks away)
+TAI
+He is so cute!
+CHER
+Oh, my God. Do you see how heis falling in love with me?
+(The girls watch Christian shrugoff an interested girl)
+I mean, look how he ignoresevery other girl.
+TAI
+Oh, God, look. There's Josh.
+CHER V.O.
+I didn't even see him come in,but it's like he finds the only adult in here, like he's deliberately tryingto not have fun.
+(Watch the look on Cher's faceas she's waving. Truly legend.)
+TAI
+Cher, I have a question. Whatdo you think I should do with this thing? Should I, uh, like tie it around,or put it over my shoulder?
+CHER
+Tie it around your waist.
+CHRISTIAN
+Ready to slide?
+TAI
+Thanks.
+CHRISTIAN
+Let's go.
+(Christian and Cher return tothe dance floor)
+CHER V.O.
+The band was kickin', and Christianwas the hottest guy there, but my enjoyment was put on pause when I sawhow unhappy Tai was.
+(Josh walks over to Tai, engagesin small talk, then asks her to dance)
+CHER
+Oh, look, look! Josh is dancingwith Tai, he never dances.
+CHRISTIAN
+I can see why.
+CHER
+No, he's doing her a prop soshe won't feel left out.
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh, I dig it.
+(Time passes. Cher, Tai, Josh,and Christian are left. Christian is still dancing by himself)
+"Here (Squirmel Mix)"Luscious Jackson
+JOSH
+How are you guys holding up?
+CHER
+We're so ready to leave.
+TAI
+I'm tired.
+CHER
+Let's get Christian and go.Christian! You wanna go?
+CHRISTIAN
+Now? These guys here have gotthe skinny on the happenin' after hours.
+CHER
+My trainer's coming really,really early this morning.
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh.
+JOSH
+Look, I could take the girlshome.
+CHRISTIAN
+No, it's OK.
+CHER
+No, I'm fine, stay.
+CHRISTIAN
+You sure?
+CHER
+Yeah, sure.
+CHRISTIAN (toJosh)
+Thanks, man. You got my marker.
+(to Cher)You are a down girl. I'll call you tomorrow.
+SCENE XXVI - JOSH'S CAR
+CHER
+That was really decent of youto dance with Tai tonight.
+JOSH
+My pleasure.
+CHER
+You notice any positive changesin her?
+JOSH
+Yeah, it's under your tutilageshe's exploring the challenging world of bare midriffs. So you didn't wantto make a night of it with the ring-a-ding kid?
+CHER
+Yeah, Daddy wouldn't go tooballistic, it's not like he's going to sleep or anything.
+JOSH
+No, not if they're going tofinish those depo's.
+CHER
+Hey, you what would be so dope?If we got some really delicious take-out. I bet they haven't eaten allnight.
+JOSH
+That would be pretty dope ofus. Let's do it.
+SCENE XXVII - CHER'S HOUSE
+CHER V.O.
+The midnight snack totally revivedthe lawyers and Daddy was way grateful.
+MEL
+Mmm, Meat!
+CHER
+Meaty oranges and you get alot of vitamin C.
+(Mel picks up a large sandwich)
+Daddy, no! Daddy, no. You knowyou can't have that...
+MEL
+Cher, c'mon!
+CHER
+Don't be silly.
+CHER V.O.
+I know it sounds mental, butsometimes I have more fun vegging out than when I go partying. Maybe becausemy party clothes are so binding.
+JOSH
+Look, I'm just curious. Howmany hours a day do you spend grooming yourself?
+CHER
+Some people are not lucky enoughto be as naturally adorable as you are.
+JOSH
+Stop it, you're making me blush.
+(Phone rings. Cher answers)
+CHER
+Hello?
+GAIL
+Hi Cher, how are you?
+CHER
+Hi, Gail.
+GAIL
+Is my son there, cleaning outyour refridgerator?
+(Josh motions a "No"to Cher)
+CHER
+No, no, he's not here. You shouldtry the dorms.
+GAIL
+Alright, bye, hon.
+CHER
+Bye-bye.
+(Cher hangs up the phone)
+What was that all about?
+JOSH
+She wants me to come home forspring break.
+CHER
+So, what's the big deal? Nobodywill be in school.
+JOSH
+Yeah, but husband number four'sat home and his whole idea of acting like a family is to criticize me.
+CHER
+So, what? You're just goingto roam around campus for two weeks all by yourself?
+JOSH
+I don't mind.
+CHER
+That is stupid. Why don't youjust come here, you can have your old room, and there are going to be somegreat parties.
+JOSH
+I don't know.
+CHER
+Why not?
+JOSH
+You got your whole social worldgoing on, I don't want to get in the way.
+CHER
+you won't be in the way.
+JOSH
+How much fun would it be havinga brother-type tagging along?
+CHER
+Josh, you are not my brother.
+JOSH
+You know what I mean.
+CHER
+C'mon, you need some excitementin your life. It'll replenish you for your finals.
+JOSH
+OK.
+CHER
+Good.
+JOSH
+I can't believe I'm taking advicefrom someone who watches cartoons.
+CHER 
+That's Ren and Stimpy. They'reway existential.
+JOSH
+Do you have any idea what you'retalking about?
+CHER
+No, why? Do I sound like I do?
+SCENE XXVIII - CHER'S HOUSE
+(Theme from "2001:A SpaceOdyssey" is playing while camera is focused on phone. The phone rings)
+CHER V.O.
+Christian said he'd call thenext day, but in boy time, that meant Thursday. So, you can imagine myastonishment to hear from him while I was packing Daddy up.
+CHER
+Hello?
+"I Believe I'm You"Gail Orange
+CHER V.O.
+He said he'd come over withsome video tapes and we'd watch them. A night alone with Christian! I sentfor reinforcements. Then, Dee and I had to design a lighting concept, andcostume decisions. I don't rely on mirrors, so I always take polaroids.Whenever a boy comes, you should always have something baking.
+CHER
+Oh, I'm still all red.
+DIONNE
+Well, I'm trying to make youas white as I can, Cher. Look, you're all flushed. You have to calm down.OK? Calm.
+CHER
+You know, I am so glad I neverdid it with someone I had lukewarm feelings for. Christian is brutallyhot, and I am going to remember tonight forever.
+DIONNE
+Blot.
+(Later)
+(The door bell rings. Cher opensthe door)
+CHRISTIAN
+Hi.
+CHER
+Hi.
+CHRISTIAN
+Is something burning?
+CHER
+Oh, my God!
+(Cher runs to the kitchen. Thebake was fried)
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh, honey, you baked.
+CHER
+I tried.
+CHRISTIAN
+C'mon, show me the rest of yourpad.
+(Cher and Christian are outsideamong Mel's art collection)
+CHRISTIAN
+Your father has a well-roundedcollection.
+CHER
+Daddy says it's a good investment.
+CHRISTIAN
+He's absolutely right. KlausOldenberg.
+CHER
+Oh, he's way famous!
+(Christian approaches a differentsculpture)
+CHRISTIAN
+This is older, see? Transitional.A very important piece.
+CHER
+Um, do you want to go swimming?
+CHRISTIAN
+Hmmm, let's watch the movies.
+CHER
+Oh, OK.
+(Scene moves to Christian andCher lying on bed watching "Spartacus")
+CHER V.O.
+Christian had a thing for TonyCurtis, so he brought over "Some Like It Hot" and "Sparaticus".
+(Cher starts rubbing her feetup against Christian's legs. Christian doesn't enjoy it)
+CHER
+My feet are cold.
+(Christian puts a pillow overCher's feet)
+Thanks.
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh, watch this part, this isgood.
+(Cher falls off the bed whiletrying to look sexy. Toofunny.)
+Are you OK?
+CHER
+I'm fine. Do you want some,something to drink? You know, I could get you some wine.
+CHRISTIAN
+No. You notice how wine makespeople wanna feel, like sexy.
+CHER
+That's OK.
+CHRISTIAN
+I'm actually getting tired.
+CHER
+But, um, I could make you somecoffee if you'd like?
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh, no thanks. Got the ulcer.
+CHER
+But you had all those cappucinosbefore?
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh. Well, you know, that was,like... foam.
+(They move to the front door)
+You're great. We're friends,right?
+(Cher nods)
+Knock me a little kiss.
+(Cher kisses him on the cheek)
+I'll see ya.
+(Christian leaves)
+CHER V.O.
+I don't get it. Did my hairget flat? Did I stumble into some bad lighting? What's wrong with me?
+(NOTHING!)
+SCENE XXIX - MURRAY'S CAR
+DIONNE
+Nothing! Maybe he really wastired!
+CHER 
+I suppose it wasn't meant tobe, I mean, he does dress better than I do. What would I bring to the relationship?
+MURRAY
+Get back into the right lane.What's the first thing you do?
+DIONNE
+First thing I do is, I put onmy blinker.
+(Dionne accidently turns thewipers on)
+Oh, wait, shit.
+MURRAY
+Watch the road, watch the road!
+DIONNE
+Alright! Stop. Then, I lookin my mirror. OK, then I glance at my blind spot.
+MURRAY
+Glance with your head, not thewhole car. I swear to God, I swear to God, Woman, you can't drive for shit!
+DIONNE
+I'm not trying to hear that.
+MURRAY
+Hear me...
+CHER
+Actually, going all the wayis like a really big decision. I can't believe I was so caprecious aboutit. Dee, I almost had sex with him.
+MURRAY
+You almost had sex with who?
+CHER
+Christian.
+(Murray cracks up)
+DIONNE
+What?
+MURRAY 
+Yo, look. Are you bitches blindor something? Your man, Christian is a cake-boy!
+CHER & DIONNE
+A what?!
+MURRAY
+He's a disco-dancing, OscarWilde-reading, Streissand ticket-holding friend of Dorothy, know what I'msaying?
+CHER
+Uh-uh. no way.
+MURRAY
+He's gay.
+CHER
+Not even.
+MURRAY
+Yes, even.
+DIONNE
+He does like to shop, Cher,and the boy can dress.
+CHER
+Oh, my God. I am totally buggin'.I feel like such a bonehead.
+MURRAY
+What the hell? Yo, you're gettingon the freeway!
+DIONNE
+What?!
+MURRAY
+Yo, turn right! Get out of thelane! Don't go. Forget procedure, just get out of the lane!
+(Both Cher and Dionne scream)
+MURRAY
+Truck, truck, truck, truck!Ahhh!
+CHER (screaming)
+You're on the freeway!
+DIONNE
+What do I do, Murray?
+MURRAY
+Go straight, go straight, gostraight! Just relax and drive, baby! Just relax and drive.
+(An old lady gives them thefinger)
+CHER (screaming)
+Shut up! Shut up!
+(Lots of screams from everybody)
+MURRAY
+Whatever you do, keep your handson the wheel, at all times!
+(A huge truck closes in on them.Murray sees it)
+Aaahhhhh!!!
+(A lot more screaming from thethree)
+Turn to the right! Oh, thereit is. Alright, we're off. Damn, you did wonderful. Sorry, baby.
+CHER
+You did it, Dee!
+MURRAY
+Relax, relax, relax, relax,honey, relax. Baby, relax, relax. Breathe, breathe, breath in, breathe.Let it out. Breathe, breathe, breathe, honey, breathe, breath. Relax, relax.
+CHER V.O.
+Boy, getting off the freewaymakes you realize how important love is. After that, Dionne's virginitywent from technical to non-exisistant. I realized how much I wanted a boyfriendof my own.
+SCENE XXX - THE MALL
+CHER V.O.
+Not that Christian wasn't ablast to hang out with. He was becoming one of my favourite shopping partners.
+CHRISTIAN
+???????? Um, where'sTai?
+CHER
+Oh, she met some random guysat the Foot Locker and escorted them right over there.
+TAI (indistance)
+Oh, my God! Did you see...
+CHER
+I don't know where she meetsthese Barnies.
+CHRISTIAN
+I have a question, alright?
+CHER
+What?
+CHRISTIAN
+The jacket? Is it James Deanor Jason Priestly?
+CHER
+Carpe' diem. OK, you lookedhot in it.
+CHRISTIAN
+Really?
+TAI (withthe barnies)
+If I fall, would you guys catchme?
+CHER
+Could we please be more... generic?
+(Tai screams)
+TAI
+Stop it! Please! Bring me backup, please! Bring me back up.
+(Tai screams a little more,then Christian rescues her)
+TAI
+Thank you.
+CHRISTIAN
+You asshole!
+BARNEY #1
+Hey, man. We're just joking.
+CHRISTIAN
+Oh, really?! Someone could getkilled.
+(Tai runs over and hugs Cher)
+TAI
+Cher, you don't understand.I was just sitting there and I was just talking to those guys, and then,all of a sudden, we were laughing, and...
+CHRISTIAN
+Hey, are you OK?
+TAI
+Yeah.
+CHRISTIAN
+Are you sure?
+TAI
+I'm fine. Yeah, uh-huh.
+CHRISTIAN
+Let's get you home for someR&R, huh?
+TAI
+What's that?
+(Christian laughs)
+CHER V.O.
+Boy, considering how cluelessshe was, Tai certainly had that "damsel in distress" act down.
+SCENE XXXI - SCHOOL
+CHER V.O.
+Meanwhile, back at school, everyonewas talking about Tai's "brush with death" at the mall.
+STUDENT
+Was it, like a montage of allthe scenes in your life?
+TAI
+Not exactly a montage...
+SUMMER
+Hey, Cher! Is it true some gangmembers, like tried to shoot Tai in the mall?
+CHER
+No.
+SUMMER
+That is what everyone is saying.
+CHER
+Whatever.
+STUDENT
+When I was nine, I fell offthe jungle gym, that's when I saw this light, you know?
+TAI
+Wait, wait. Move down for Cher.
+DIONNE
+Hi!
+AMBER
+Tell me more, tell me more.
+TAI
+Where was I?
+AMBER
+You were thinking about wasreally important.
+TAI
+Oh, right, right. Right beforeyou die, your mind just sort of gets very clear. It's a very intense, spiritualthing...
+CHER
+Well, I know when I was heldat gun-point...
+STUDENT
+Excuse me. (toTai) You were saying.
+TAI
+It's spiritual. I don't know,I can't, I can't pinpoint the spirituality out for you, you know, if you'venever experienced anything...
+SCENE XXXV - CHER'S HOUSE
+CHER V.O.
+But now I don't know how toact around him. I mean, ordinarily I would strut around in my cutest littleoutfits and send myself flowers and candy, but I couldn't do that stuffwith Josh.
+(Cher and Josh are in the loungewatching T.V.)
+JOSH
+What's with you?
+CHER
+What do you mean?
+JOSH
+You're so quiet. You haven'tmade me watch the real world?
+CHER
+I care about the news.
+JOSH
+Since when?
+CHER
+Since now.
+(T.V. shows scenes from Bosnia)
+JOSH
+You look confused.
+CHER
+Well, uh, I thought they declaredpeace in the Middle East.
+(Scene changes to Mel's Denwith Cher walking past the door in her pyjamas)
+MEL
+Cher, get in here!
+CHER
+What's up Daddy?
+MEL
+What are you doing, dancinginfront of my office?
+CHER
+Nothing, I just wanted to seeif you needed any help with anything.
+MEL
+Yeah, you caould help me withsomething. Come over here. Every time that you see a telephone conversationthat took place on September third, highlight it. just September third.
+CHER
+OK.
+MEL
+Fun, huh?
+CHER (laughing)
+Yeah. Daddy, did you ever havea problem that you couldn't argue your way out of?
+MEL
+Tell me the problem, and we'llfigure out how to argue it.
+CHER
+I like this boy.
+MEL
+Yes?
+CHER
+And he likes someone else.
+MEL
+How could that be?
+CHER
+I don't know, but I feel wretched.
+MEL
+Well, obviously this boy isa complete moron. You are the most beautiful girl in Beverly Hills. Andto tell you the truth, I'm not sure I want you with a stupid fella likethat.
+CHER
+Well, actually he is a smartguy and, you know he's one of those do-gooder types, and now I feel likeall my after-school commitments are just not good enough.
+MEL
+How can you say that? Who takescare of everyone in this household? Who makes sure that Daddy eats right?To tell you the truth, I have not seen such good-doing sice your mother.
+CHER
+Really?
+MEL
+Really. Now get back to work.
+SCENE XXXVI - PISMO BEACHDISASTER
+CHER V.O.
+Later, while we were learningabout the Pismo Beach diaster, I decided I needed a complete make-over,except this time I'd make-over my soul. But what makes someone a betterperson? And then I realised, all my friends were really good in differentways. Like, Christian, he always wants things to be beautiful and interesting.Or Dionne and Murray, when they think no one is watching, are so considerateof each other. And poor Miss Giest, always trying to get us involved, nomatter how much we resist?
+MISS GIEST
+Oh, it's just, that doesn'teven show... you know, every single possesion, every memory, everythingyou had your whole life... gone in a second. Can you imagine what thatmust feel like?
+(Elton raises his hand)
+Elton?
+ELTON
+Can I use the Pass?
+MISS GIEST
+Yeah. We'll be collecting blankets,disposable diapers, canned goods...
+(Cher raises her hand)
+CHER
+Miss Giest?
+MISS GIEST
+Cher?
+CHER
+I wanna help.
+MISS GIEST
+That would be wonderful.
+CHER V.O.
+I felt better already.
+(Back at Cher's house)
+CHER
+Daddy?
+MEL
+What?
+CHER
+You didn't like that red caviar,did you?
+MEL
+What's she talking about?
+(Cher starts dragging a heapof stuff to the front door)
+MEL
+Cher, what are you doing?
+CHER
+I'm captain of the Pismo Beachdisaster relief.
+MEL
+I don't think they need yourskis.
+CHER
+Daddy, some people lost alltheir belongings, don't you think that includes athletic equipment?
+MEL
+This is your influence, Josh?
+(Scene changes to sign-on stallat school)
+"Shake Some Action"Cracker
+CHER
+Hey, c'mere. Sign up, it's goingto be really fun.
+(Scene cahnges to indoors)
+No, you know what? Can you pleasetake it to bedding? Yes, thank you very much.
+Oh, Miss Giest, Miss Giest.
+MISS GIEST
+Yes, dear?
+CHER
+I need more boxes, they're allfilled up.
+MISS GIEST
+Already? Great!
+CHER
+I divided them into entres andapetisers.
+MISS GIEST
+Oh, OK, I'll have them pickedup.
+TRAVIS
+Hey.
+CHER
+Proper. This is really decentof you Travis.
+TRAVIS
+Sure.
+(Cher picks up a Bong from Travis'box.)
+I wasn't sure about that. Idon't need it anymore, but far be it from me to deny anyone else, you know?Oh, I wanted to tell you something, I'm sorry about your shoes.
+CHER
+What shoes?
+TRAVIS
+The red ones with the strappythings?
+CHER
+Oh, those are so last season.What even made you think of them?
+TRAVIS
+Well, it's one of my steps,you see? I joined this club, and there are these steps...
+CHER
+Twelve?
+TRAVIS
+Yeah, twelve! How'd you know?
+CHER
+Wild guess.
+TRAVIS
+Wow, good guess. Ah, also, here.
+(Travis hands Cher a flyer)
+CHER (reading)
+A.S.L. ?
+TRAVIS
+Ameteur Skateboarding League.This clarity thing has brought me to, like a whole new level with my skating.You gotta see it. Would you come Saturday?
+CHER
+Sure.
+TRAVIS
+Cool!
+CHER (holdingup bong)
+Well, um, I guess, kitchenware?
+TRAVIS
+That's where I used to keepit.
+SCENE XXXVII - A.S.L. COMPETITION
+"Mullet Head" BeastieBoys
+(Tai approached Cher at thedrinks stand)
+TAI
+Hi?
+CHER
+Hi.
+TAI
+Cher, can I talk to you a minute?
+CHER
+Um, sure.
+TAI
+Look, I have been in agony thepast week and I can't even believe that I went off the way I did.
+CHER
+No, I have been going down ashame spiral. I cannot even believe I was so unsupportive of your feelingsfor Josh.
+TAI
+No, you are entitled to yourown opinion, alright? I'm the tart here. Cher, you've been nothing butsuper-duper nice to me.
+CHER
+Not even. If it wasn't for me,you wouldn't have even liked that loser, Elton. I'm so sorry, Tai.
+TAI
+Cher, I'm really sorry. Oh,shit. Now I'm going to go ahead and cry.
+CHER
+Let's never fight again, OK?
+(Cher and Tai hug. Travis isannounced on the P.A.)
+PA
+Next up, number fourteen, TravisBerkenstock.
+(The girls sit down, excitedlygiggling and pointing to Travis.)
+TAI
+Alright Travis!
+CHER
+I had no idea he was so motivated.
+TAI
+Oh, I did.
+CHER V.O.
+When I saw the sparks betweenTai and Travis, I knew Josh was out of the picture.
+SCENE XXXVIII - CHER'S HOUSE
+JOSH
+You look like Pippi Longstocking.
+CHER
+Well, you look like ForrestGump. Who's Pippi Longstocking?
+JOSH
+Someone Mel Gibson never played.
+CHER
+Funny.
+(Cher lets her hair down, andJosh is dumbfounded by her beauty)
+LAWYER
+What happened to the August28th files?
+JOSH
+Hmm, what?
+LAWYER
+Mel wanted them tonight, therewere twice as many. He's gonna go ballistic, where are they?
+CHER
+I think I checked them for theSeptember third conversation.
+LAWYER
+What?
+JOSH
+Where'd you put them?
+CHER
+I divided them into two piles.Is that wrong?
+LAWYER
+Oh, my God. I have to redo allthat. What are you, some kind of idiot?
+JOSH
+Hey, she didn't know.
+LAWYER
+She just set us back a day.Who cares about the September call? Now we're screwed!
+CHER
+I'm sorry.
+LAWYER
+Just forget it, OK? Just goback to the mall or something.
+(Cher runs out of the room)
+JOSH
+What's your problem, man? Shedidn't mean any harm.
+LAWYER
+I'm gonna get killed becauseshe's a moron.
+JOSH
+She's not a moron. You know,if you were paying attention to your assignment, it wouldn't have happened.
+LAWYER
+Well, if you hadn't been playingfootsy with the dumb kid, she wouldn't be bothering me.
+JOSH
+What the hell are you talkingabout?!
+LAWYER
+You know exactly what I'm talkingabout. Josh, this is a multi-million dollar law suit, not some excuse forpuppy-love.
+JOSH
+Look, we've been working ourbutts off on this case!
+LAWYER
+Well, tell you what? You dowhatever you want with your butts, I'm calling in sick.
+(Lawyer leaves while Josh slamsthe door behind him. Cher is sitting at the top of the stairs)
+CHER
+Did I really ruin Daddy's lawsuit?
+JOSH
+No.
+(Josh moves up to sit besideCher)
+Of course not.
+CHER
+Well, did I set him back? Imean, there's so much work to be done, and he can't afford to lose thattime.
+JOSH
+Don't worry about it, I'll takecare of it. Your father won't lose any time. Can you imagine the nerveof that guy? I mean, making you worry like that, and yet, he's the onethat screwed up and then he goes and blames us. Imagine saying we were...you know?
+CHER
+That's right, you've been verydedicated to this case.
+JOSH
+Yeah, well, it's a good learningexperience, at least for me, I want to be a lawyer. But you, I mean, youdon't need to be doing this. Go out and have fun, go shopping.
+CHER
+You think that's all I do, I'mjust a ditz with a credit card?
+JOSH
+No, no, ah, that's not whatI meant.
+(Josh just stutters a bit, lookingfor the right words)
+You're young and beautiful...and...
+CHER
+And?
+JOSH
+And, well, uh, what?
+CHER
+You think I'm beautiful?
+(YES, YES!!!! FOR THE LOVE OFGOD, YES!!!!)
+JOSH
+You know your gorgeous, alright?And popular, and, um, and... but this is not why I, you know, I come here.This is a good learning experience for me.
+CHER
+You already said that.
+JOSH
+Mel, I wanna help out Mel. He'sthe only one who cares about me.
+CHER
+That's not true.
+JOSH
+He's not? Are you saying youcare about me?
+CHER
+Josh.
+(Cher goes to hit his shoulder,but he catches her with a kiss. Good move!)
+(Both like it. So they try again.)
+CHER V.O.
+Well, you can guess what happenednext.
+SCENE XXXIX - THE WEDDING
+CHER V.O.
+As if! I am only sixteen, andthis is California, not Kentucky.
+(Mr. Hall and Miss Giest getmarried)
+TAI
+I know, that when I have myown wedding, I want this, like whole entire floral motif, very floral garlens...floral dresses.
+DIONNE
+No, no, no, no. When I get married,I'm gonna have a sailor dress, but it's going to be a gown, and all mybridesmaids are gonna wear sailor hats... with vails.
+TAI
+That sounds so cool.
+MURRAY
+Oh, my God. They're planningour weddings already. Could you all stop all that to death do us part mumbo-jumbo.I'm telling ya, man, I'm completely buggin'.
+JOSH
+I'm buggin' myself.
+(Miss Stoeger runs on the scene)
+MISS STOEGER
+Girls! She's about to throwthe bouquet, c'mon!
+(Miss Stoeger, Dionne and Tairun off)
+JOSH (toCher)
+Look, we got a pool going tosee who's girl gets the bouquet. It's up to two hundred dollars.
+CHER
+It's in the bag.
+"Tenderness" GeneralPublic
+(All the girls are jumping aroundwaiting for the bouquet. Miss Giest/Mrs. Hall throws it amongst them. Thebouquet exchanges hands and they all fall down. Classicscene! Cher ends up with it.)
+(Cher and Josh kiss.It's the one scene that I'll never get outof mind for the rest of my life. Simply awesome lip-lock!)
+END CREDITS
+"Need You Around"Smoking Popes
+(Sheesh! Finally. Well, Ihope you enjoyed the script. Now be sure to go and watch it repeatedly.If you have already done so, watch it again! Bye-bye!)
+ 
+If you know of any script errors, soundtrack details,or any other suggestions about the script, then please email me at [email protected].
+THE END

unformated_scripts/Script_Ghostbusters.txt

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+                           THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS                              "Poultrygeist!"                                     by                               Duane Capizzi                                    and                              Steven Roberts                         Last revised May 12, 1988ACT ONE-------								FADE IN:EXT. -- A FARMHOUSE OUTSIDE NEW YORK CITY -- NIGHTOn the farmhouse roof a CHICKEN-SHAPED WEATHERVANE stands silhouettedagainst a FULL, BLOOD-RED MOON.  The wind HOWLS and the vane swivels withan EERIE SQUEAK.  Then a weird ANIMAL CRY is heard--a cross between achicken CROWING and a wolf HOWLING.				WERECHICKEN  (VO)			(A CROWING HOWL)						CAMERA PANS DOWN TO:CHICKEN PENA fenced-in dirt area with numerous CHICKENS milling around, CLUCKING asthey peck at the ground.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(ANOTHER HOWL, nearer now)		The chickens' heads jerk up toward the sound.WERECHICKEN'S POV -- MOVINGA RED-tinted, shaky, MOVING CAMERA TRUCK-IN on the chickens.  (These shotsare in the style of the POV SHOTS in WOLFEN.)  Magnified GURGLING andHEAVY BREATHING of Werechicken is heard.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(GURGLING, HEAVY BREATHING)The terrified chickens stare INTO CAMERA as the Werechicken moves closer,his shadow falling over them.  They flap into their coop, SQUAWKINGwildly.INT. -- FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM -- NIGHTMAUDE and ZEKE sit on the sagging couch watching a werewolf movie on TVwhile munching popcorn from a huge bowl.  They're distracted by CHICKENSSQUAWKING.				ZEKE		Sump'n's stirrin' up the chickens, Maude.				MAUDE		Jes' set easy, Zeke.			(she rises; heads for door)		I'll take a look-see.Zeke continues staring at TV.EXT.  FARMHOUSE -- NIGHT -- WERECHICKEN'S POVThrough the Werechicken's red eyes, we see a distant image of Maude with aflashlight, approaching the fenced-in chicken pen and opening the gate.CAMERA STARTS MOVING IN toward Maude as she enters, leaving gate open.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(GURGLING, HEAVY BREATHING)ANGLE WITHIN CHICKEN PENThe dirt compound is empty now as Maude crosses toward wooden chickencoop.				MAUDE			(as she goes)		Here, chick-chick-chick-chick.INT.  CHICKEN COOP -- OTS MAUDEAS Maude ENTERS from OUT OF CAMERA, her flashlight beam illuminates thechickens cowering on their roosts in a corner.  They CLUCK nervously.				MAUDE		What's got you girls so durned upset?		There a coyote sneakin' 'round?Suddenly the Werechicken's shadow moves up Maude's back, then the wall.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(Low, gutteral CLU-UCK)Maude looks over her shoulder AT CAMERA, reacts.				MAUDE			(GASP!)MAUDE'S POV -- THE WERECHICKENRed-eyed, grotesque, three times the size of an ordinary rooster as itstands framed in the moonlit doorway.  It opens its fanged beak in ahorrifying SHRIEK as it springs AT CAMERA, wings flapping.				WERECHICKEN			(Frightening SHRIEK)INT. FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM - CLOSE ON TVOld black-and-white movie.  MELODRAMATIC MUSIC as a man turns into awerewolf, his HOWL a continuation of the previous Werechicken SHRIEK.				TV WEREWOLF			(eerie HOWL)WIDER ANGLE - ZEKEcontinues watching TV and eating popcorn.  Maude walks stiffly into roombehind him, eyes staring blankly.				ZEKE			(without looking up)		Everythin' okay out there, Maude?WAIST SHOT -- MAUDEShe stares with glassy, red eyes and CLUCKS quietly.				MAUDE-CHICKEN			(CLUCKS)				ZEKE (VO)		What say?PAN DOWN below Maude's waist to reveal that she's turning into a chickenfrom the feet up.  First her shoes RIP apart as large, yellow chicken feetsprout.  Then her dress SWELLS and SPLITS, revealing a large, featheredbody underneath. The only piece of clothing left on her is her apron.  Onefoot scratches the floor.				MAUDE-CHICKEN (VO)			(more CLUCKS)WIDER ANGLE -- FULLSHOT OF MAUDE-CHICKENNow completely transformed and six feet tall, she leaps up to perch onback of couch, THRUSTING her chicken head repeatedly into the popcorn bowlin Zeke's lap, pecking the bowl clean.  Zeke's jaw hangs open, speechless,as he stares at the fanged, drooling, six-foot Werechicken.  TheWerechicken looks up from the empty bowl, right in Zeke's terrified eyes.				ZEKE			(SCREAMS)He scrambles backwards off the couch.EXT. FARMHOUSE -- NIGHT - WERECHICKEN'S POVSCENE RED-tinted.   We hear loud SQUAWKING from within house as chickenfeathers fly out the open windows.				ZEKE (VO)			(YELLING)		Get away!' Scat!  Shoo!				MAUDE-CHICKEN (VO)			(loud SQUAWKING)CLOSE ANGLE -- WERECHICKENWatching from slight hilltop.  Its beak seems to bend into an insidiousgrin.				ZEKE (VO)			(from distance)		Help!... He-elp!								CUT TO:EXT.  ESTABLISHING -- GHOSTBUSTERS HQ - NIGHTAs CAMERA MOVES IN, we hear:				PETER (VO)		Egon, could you hold off on the weather		balloon bit for a minute?							DISSOLVE THRU TO:INT. -- LABORATORY -- ON PETER AND RAYThey stand holding big plastic bags of trash, obviously annoyed at theO.S. Egon.  Ray's armful of trash is piled so high that he can't see overit.  SLIMER hovers behind, sticking his nose in one of the bags like adog.  He finally dives right into it.				PETER (CONT)		It's Your night to take out the trash.				RAY		And Winston's in the kitchen doing your		dishes.ANGLE ON EGONHe's busy testing his WEATHER BALLOON--a large, pink bubble half the sizeof the room.  He moves a lever on its remote control unit and the balloonrises.				EGON			(preoccupied; through above)		Be with you in ...			(checks watch)		...one minute, fifty-three seconds.ANOTHER ANGLEPeter and Ray exchange pained glances.  Peter awkwardly attempts to pickup another trash bag while Ray stumbles around, his vision blocked.  PANWITH THEM as they move toward door when Egon's weather balloon suddenlylowers INTO FRAME.  They bounce into and off of it, which sends the trashbags flying.				PETER AND RAY			(AD-LIB REACTIONS as they			bounce off balloon)NEW ANGLEPeter stumbles backwards and lands butt-first right on one of the bags.Slimer SQUEALS from within it.				SLIMER (VO)			(big muffled SQUEAL)Then he comes shooting out the back of the bag, the lower half of his bodyflat as a Frisbee.SLIMERshakes himself off like a dog, spraying slime all over Peter.				PETER			(pissed; sarcastic)		Thanks, Slimer.  I really needed that!				SLIMER		Sorreee!ANOTHER ANGLERay helps Peter up as the telephone RINGS and RINGS.				RAY			(irritated)		Egon!  The phone!ON EGONThe RINGING phone is right beside him on the workbench.				EGON			(preoccupied with remote			controls)		In a minute, Ray.ANGLE ON WINSTONHe ENTERS with sleeves rolled up, wiping a plate with a dish towel andwearing an apron.				WINSTON			(sarcastic)		Nevermind, Egon, wouldn't want you to		strain yourself.			(picks up phone)		Ghostbusters Central.				VOICE OVER PHONE			(excited CHATTER)				WINSTON		Calm down... Where are you?...			(a BEAT as he listens)		We'll be right there.He hangs up.WIDER ANGLEPeter and Ray again have their arms full of trash bags.  Even Slimer isdragging one.				WINSTON		Ready for this one?  Some farmer says his		wife was eaten by a giant chicken.				PETER		Hey, even a half-baked false alarm sounds		better than doing Egon's chores.			(he drops trash bags)		Let's roll!Ray and Slimer also abandon their trash bags and EXIT with Peter andWinston.REAR VIEW ON EGONstill oblivious as he works in the suddenly empty room.				EGON		I think I've finally perfected it.  Watch		this, guys.			(a BEAT, he looks around			over shoulder)		Guys?								WIPE TO:EXT. -- COUNTRY ROAD - ESTABLISHING - NIGHTECTO-1 roars INTO CAMERA, siren and lights going.INT. -- ECTO 1 -- MOVINGThe Ghostbusters, minus Egon, are wearing their gear.  Slimer hovers inback seat.				RAY		It sure feels strange not having Egon with		us.				PETER			(sarcastic)		Why?  Lately even when he's with us, he's		not with us.ON WINSTONDriving.				WINSTON		But wouldn't it be somethin' if he sells		that weather balloon idea of his?  He'll be		a rich man!ON PETERArms folded, grumpily.				PETER		Good.  Then he can hire a maid to do his		share of the chores.EXT. -- ECTO 1 -- NIGHTAs it speeds OUT OF CAMERA toward distant farmhouse, PAN OVER TO theapron-wearing Maude-Chicken silhouetted in the moonlight, nesting in ahaystack.  MOVE IN TO --CLOSER ANGLE ON MAUDE-CHICKENHer body starts to shake, she ruffles her wings.				MAUDE-CHICKEN			(Egg-laying CLUCKS)Then she suddenly sits up and leaps off the haystack, revealing anenormous egg beneath her.  Maude SQUAWKS and CLUCKS and struts off into acornfield, pecking away at ears of corn.				MAUDE-CHICKEN			(SQUAWKS and CLUCKS)								CUT TO:INT. -- FARMHOUSE LIVING ROOM -- NIGHTRay, Winston and Slimer listen seriously as Zeke speaks, but Peter'sobviously not buying it.				ZEKE		Had big blood-red eyes, it did.  Biggest		dang chicken I ever seen.  Mebbe six feet		tall.Peter rolls his eyes.				WINSTON		Shouldn't be hard to find.RAYis jotting info on notepad.				RAY		Did it have any distinguishing marks?ANOTHER ANGLE				PETER		Ray!  It's six feet tall!Peter grabs Ray's arm, starts ushering him to front door.				PETER (CONT)			(over shoulder as he goes)		Thank you, Sir.  We'll put out a missing		chicken report right away.EXT.  FARMHOUSE - NIGHTAs the three Ghostbusters and Slimer cross toward Ecto-1 parked in front.				PETER			(as they go)		This one's easy, guys.  Old Zeke's been		watchin' too many horror movies and eating		too much greasy popcorn.CLOSER ANGLE -- MOVING				RAY		No, Peter, I think we're dealing with a		bonafide werechicken here.CLOSER ANGLEPeter and Winston stop, look at Ray in disbelief.				WINSTON		A werechicken?				PETER		Get serious, Ray.				RAY		Then explain those!Ray points at ground.  Peter, Winston and Slimer look down.THEIR POVPeter is standing with both feet in two enormous chicken footprints.							SMASH CUT TO:EXT. -- OPEN FIELD -- NIGHTThe three Ghostbusters follow Maude's "chicken" tracks with powerfulflashlights across a field spotted with haystacks.  Slimer moves ahead,nose to ground like a bloodhound.				SLIMER			(SNIFFS as he goes)ANGLE ON SLIMERHe floats along above the flashlight-illuminated tracks which lead himright into the haystack.  We hear a BONK from within, then:				SLIMER (VO)		Ow!Slimer backs OUT INTO SHOT rubbing his head.  He looks up and his eyes popwide.				SLIMER			(amazed GASP!)LOW ANGLE ON GIANT EGGThe Ghostbusters ENTER SHOT and play their flashlights across the huge eggsitting atop the haystack.				RAY			(excited)		What'd I tell you, Peter?  A werechicken		egg!  Gimme a hand, Winston!WIDER ANGLEAs Ray and Winston ease the egg down off the haystack.  Peter holds hisPKE meter up to it.				PETER		Look, if this is a werechicken egg,CLOSER ANGLE -- METERNothing registers on the meter.				PETER (CONT)		...how come there's no PKE reading?THREESHOTRay and Winston still hold giant egg.				RAY			(looking at meter in			Peter's hand)		I dunno... that is strange.				WINSTON		Let's get it back to Headquarters and run		some tests.  Then maybe we'll have some		answers.ON RAY				RAY		Oh no, I'm not leavin'.  The werechicken		that laid this has gotta be around here		someplace -- and I'm gonna find it.ON PETER AND SLIMER				PETER			(throws up his hands with			heavy SIGH)		I'll take it.  C'mon, Slimer.They take egg from Ray and Winston and start back toward Ecto-l.				PETER  (CONT)			(shaking his head; as he			goes)		Werechickens.WERECHICKEN'S POVThrough its RED EYES we see, from a distance, Peter and Slimer carryingthe egg, Ray and Winston moving off in other direction.				WERECHICKEN  (VO)			(BREATHING & SLOBBERING)							SMASH CUT TO:INT. -- GHOSTBUSTERS HQ - LAB - NIGHTEgon still busy with his balloon as Peter and Slimer carry egg in throughdoor.				PETER			(through above)		Yo, balloon man, we've got some real work		for you:  How about analyzing this?ANOTHER ANGLEEgon looks around, reacts to egg.				EGON		Interesting.  That's the second biggest egg		I've ever seen.Peter and Slimer set egg on Egon's desk.				PETER		I don't wanna hear about it, Egon.  We've		had a long night in a not-too-fragrant		barnyard, so I'm taking a shower and hitting		the sheets.Peter EXITS as Slimer ZIPS in close beside Egon, elbows on desk, chin inhands, eyeing Egon and egg expectantly.  Egon pushes glasses up off tip ofnose and blinks at egg, not sure what to do with it.  CAMERA MOVES IN onegg and we --							MATCH-DISSOLVE TO:EXT. -- FULL MOON IN COUNTRY SKY -- NIGHTCAMERA PANS DOWN from full moon to reveal the tiny figures of Ray andWinston approaching an old barn.  They stop, shining their flashlights onclosed main door.				WINSTON			(tired)		Ray, it's gettin' pretty late.  Maybe there		really isn't any...				RAY			(holds up one hand)		Shh!CLOSER ANGLERay extends his PKE meter toward barn.  It BEEPS incessantly.				RAY			(low voice)		It's in there.				WINSTON			(unclipping his blaster)		Then let's get it!INT. BARN -- HIGH ANGLE ON MAIN DOOR -- WERECHICKEN'S POVThrough its RED EYES we see the barn door slowly CREAK open, revealing Rayand Winston peering in.CLOSER ANGLE -- RAY AND WINSTONThey ENTER cautiously, Ray holding his BEEPING meter out before him.  Thebarn is dark except for the moonlight slanting through the loft window andthe beams of their flashlights.  As the WIND picks up, WOOD CREAKS, HAYRUSTLES, and a piece of JUNKY machinery turns with a SQUEAL.				WINSTON			(WHISPER)		Man, this place is creepy.				RAY			(WHISPER)		It's in here -- I can feel it.ANOTHER ANGLESuddenly the door SLAMS shut behind them and the FLAP OF BEATING WINGSSCURRIES through the darkness.  Winston JUMPS.				WINSTON		Look out!Ray shines his flashlight toward the lofts.  Its beam catches a couple ofstartled pigeons as they fly out the window, pinion feathers WHISTLING.REACTION SHOT -- RAY AND WINSTON				RAY & WINSTON			(relieved SIGHS)WERECHICKEN'S POVRED-TINTED, moving slowly toward Ray and Winston from behind.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(HEAVY BREATHING)CLOSE ON RAY AND WINSTONThey stop as PKE meter starts BEEPING.  Ray checks the reading.				RAY			(whisper)		Something's close.  Very close.WERECHICKEN'S POVClosing on Ray and Winston.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(HEAVY BREATHING)The guys wheel around.THEIR POV ON WERECHICKENWe see only its face.  The blood-red eyes stare menacingly, its fangedbeak slightly open and drooling.				WERECHICKEN			(HEAVY RASPY BREATHING)ZOOM BACK TO --WIDER ANGLE ON WERECHICKENIt hops forward into a streak of moonlight.  It's three feet tall, itswings hang out at the sides, and its evil, blood-red eyes stare at CAMERA.				WERECHICKEN  (CONT)			(HEAVY PANTING)				RAY (VO)		It is a werechicken!ANGLE ON RAY and WINSTONBacking away, blasters leveled.				WINSTON		Man, he is ugly!ANGLE ON WERECHICKENIt postures, rooster-like and:				WERECHICKEN			(ROARS angrily)ON RAY and WINSTONStill backing up.				RAY		Bad choice of words, Winston.THE WERECHICKEN suddenly leaps AT CAMERA.				WERECHICKEN			(loud SHRIEKING SQUAWK)WERECHICKEN'S POVZOOM-IN on Winston and Ray.  They open fire.FULL SHOTThe proton streams catch the Werechicken in mid-air as it vaults towardRay and Winston, halting its leap and suspending it in a corona of protonenergy.				WERECHICKEN			(SHRIEKS)A HIDEOUS SPIRIT rises from its writhing body -- shapeless, but withmonstrous glowing eyes and fangs.  The spirit lets out a ROAR morefrightening than the Werechicken howl.				SPIRIT			(big ROAR)CLOSER ANGLERay, still firing his gun, snaps a trap loose from his belt, and tosses itonto the barn floor.  It POPS open.				RAY		Trap out!ANOTHER ANGLERay and Winston, struggling with the writhing Spirit caught in thestreams, guide the Spirit into the trap.				WINSTON		Hang on!  That's it!				RAY		We've almost got him!CLOSE ON TRAPThe Spirit is sucked into the trap, which SLAMS shut.WIDER ANGLE -- RAY AND WINSTONA normal chicken with singed feathers stands where the Werechicken was.It CLUCKS, starts pecking at the dirt.				CHICKEN			(Normal CLUCKING)				RAY			(looking at chicken)		Well, that takes care of one werechicken.CLOSER ON THE GUYSRay picks up the smoking trap.				RAY (CONT)		Now to find the six-footer that ate Zeke's		wife.They head for the door.  Winston stops.				WINSTON		Ray, I just had a thought...Ray pauses to look around at Winston.				WINSTON (CONT)		What if that six-foot werechicken is Zeke's		wife?And off their looks, we --								CUT TO:INT. -- GHOSTBUSTERS HQ -KITCHEN -- NIGHTEgon carries the big egg into kitchen, Slimer helping.				EGON			(straining)		Thanks for the help, Slimer, but I don't		have time to examine this egg tonight.  I		have to prepare for my weather balloon		demonstration tomorrow morning.ANOTHER ANGLEWith his elbow, Egon opens refrigerator with and the two of them place thegiant egg inside.				EGON (CONT)			(through above)		But it'll be safe in here.				SLIMER		Yeah.Egon closes fridge.				SLIMER			(big YAWN)		G'night, Egon.Slimer floats off.				EGON		Goodnight, Slimer.								WIPE TO:INT. -- BEDROOMSlimer is SNORING, hovering above Peter's empty bed.				SLIMER			(SNORING)CLOSE ON SLIMERIn a BUBBLE above him, we see Slimer's DREAM, various kinds of fooddancing and SINGING the first two bars of Los Lobos' "LA BAMBA" a la theCalifornia Raisins in "I Heard It Through The Grapevine."  Still asleep,Slimer licks his lips hungrily, opens his mouth incredibly wide andpounces on the entire dream balloon with a teeth-jarring CHOMP! that POPSthe dream bubble so that it EXPLODES inside his mouth, waking him up.Slimer sits up with a wide-eyed, hungry look, rubbing his tummy.				SLIMER		Fooooood.He zips o.s.INT. -- KITCHENDark.  Lights go on, then Slimer SKIDS to mid-air stop and whips openfridge.  His eyes pop as he sees the egg.				SLIMER			(licking his lips)		Yummy!Slimer rolls egg toward edge of shelf, then the full weight of the eggdrives Slimer straight to the floor.  The egg bounces on his stomach twicebefore he gets a grip on it.  Straining his little green brains out, hefloats the egg up into the air and o.s.				SLIMER			(SQUEALS, then GRUNTS)ANGLE ON OVENSlimer shoves egg in the open oven, closes door, turns on the heat, thenmoves O.S.  The oven interior glows red and the egg starts to quiver.ON SLIMERSlimer HUMS as he busily sets table for one:  placemat, a plate, utensils,salt, pepper, ketchup, mustard, mayo, relish, ... a flurry of activitythat all focuses on his personal eating spot.				SLIMER			(HUMMING through above)ANGLE ON OVENThrough window we see the egg shake and then begin to crack open.RESUME ON SLIMERHovering at table, still preparing for feast.  He puts on a bib, unawareof oven shaking behind him.				SLIMER			(still HUMMING)With a loud BANG, the oven practically explodes and the door flies off.Out pops a BABY WERECHICKEN, SNARLING and CACKLING.				BABY WERECHICKEN			(SNARLING, CACKLING)ON SLIMERHis eyes bug and his paw drops.				SLIMER			(startled SCREAM)Slimer barrels up through sink faucet, leaving his bib stuck in theopening.INT. -- SHOWERPeter shampooing his hair.				PETER			(AD LIB SINGING)Slimer comes shooting out through shower nozzle, hugs Peter tightly aroundthe neck and scaring the hell out of him.				PETER			(startled YELL; then:)		Slimer!  How 'bout some privacy??				SLIMER			(pointing, eyes wide)		Monster!  Inna kitchen!				PETER		Monster?				SLIMER			(nods)		Uh-huh!  Uh-huh!			(imitates werechicken)			(SNARLING & CACKLING)INT. -- LABEgon works at his table.  A now familiar Werechicken shadow appears overhis shoulder and grows up the wall.CLOSER ANGLE - REAR VIEW ON EGONWerechicken creeps OUT OF CAMERA, bites Egon on the rear and pulls backo.s., chicken claws CLATTERING off into distance.				EGON			(looking around)		Ow!				BABY WERECHICKEN  (VO)			(CACKLING fading into			distance)ON EGONDazed, he looks down at his feet.CLOSE ON EGON'S SHOESChicken toes pop through the leather, one at a time.				EGON (VO)			(dazed)		What?CLOSE SHOTSAs Egon's transformation continues:  His coveralls RIP apart at the legs,then midriff, then his arms turn into wings.  Finally, a beak sprouts fromhis face.				EGON-CHICKEN			(Weird CLUCK)							SMASH CUT TO:INT. HALL OUTSIDE LAB -- NIGHTPeter (now dressed and wearing his backpack) runs up to lab door andflings it open, Slimer right behind him.INT. LABPeter and Slimer look in, not seeing Egon, who is now a six-foot-tallwerechicken, but still wearing his glasses, standing behind door.				PETER			(CALLS)		Egon?			(to Slimer)		Well, Slimer, I don't see anything here		that looks like a monster.The Egon-Chicken jumps out right in front of Peter and Slimer.				EGON-CHICKEN			(CHICKEN HOWL)ANOTHER ANGLESlimer freaks and rockets right through the nearest wall.				SLIMER			(SQUEALS as he goes)				PETER		Holy cow!!Peter raises his proton gun.CLOSE ON EGON-CHICKENHe flaps his wings wildly, his red eyes bulging, and GROWLS, revealingimpressive fangs.				EGON-CHICKEN			(LOUD GROWL)				END ACT ONE				-----------ACT TWO-------INT. -- GHOSTBUSTERS LAB -- NIGHTEgon the Werechicken moves toward Peter, fangs bared in attack mode.				EGON-CHICKEN			(SNARLING as he goes)ON PETERHe steps back into doorway, blaster leveled at Egon-Chicken, and SNAPS onthe power.  It HUMS to life.				PETER			(horrified)		What'd you do to Egon, you bird-brain!				RAY (VO)		Peter!  Wait!A hand grabs Peter by the arm fust as the thrower fires, sending theproton stream off at an angle into ceiling, barely missing the chicken.				PETER			(surprised as he looks			around)		Hey!INT. CORRIDOR OUTSIDE LABas Ray pulls Peter out into corridor, Winston kicks door shut in theEgon-Chicken's snarling face and quickly locks it.  Slimer hovers nearbylooking worried.				EGON-CHICKEN (VO)			(SNARLS)CLOSE ANGLEThe door SHAKES and SHUDDERS as the unseen Egon-Chicken tries to breakthrough.				PETER			(irritated; through above)		What's wrong with you guys?  That thing ate		Egon!				RAY		Peter, that is Egon!  The egg hatched, he		was bitten and now he's a werechicken!The door behind them is starting to splinter and bulge from the batteringof the Egon-Chicken.				PETER			(looking at door)		You're kidding!			(a BEAT, then)		Come to think of it, there was a certain		resemblance.Suddenly the battering stops.				WINSTON			(looking toward door)		What happened?  He's so quiet all of a		sudden.ON RAYLooking toward o.s. window, he reacts.				RAY		It's the moon!He hurries o.s.ANOTHER ANGLERay stops at window, looks out.  Beyond we see the full moon.  Peter,Winston and Slimer come up behind him.				RAY (CONT)		Tonight's the first --CLOSE ON MOONIt's beginning to disappear, right to left.				RAY (VO)(CONT)		-- lunar eclipse in ten years!ON GHOSTBUSTERS AND SLIMERAll looking out window as eclipse continues				PETER		Ray, what's this have to do with Egon being		a chicken?				RAY			(turning to others)		Werechickens only appear during a full		moon, and for the next few minutes, the		moon's not full.INT. LAB -- ON DOORDoor opens and Ray pecks in.				RAY			(tentative)		Egon?ANGLE ON EGONSeen from the waist up (he's not wearing clothes), looking around,confused.  He sees Ray.				EGON		Ray, what is going on?WIDER ANGLEEgon is holding his tattered coveralls in front of his waist, like askirt.				EGON (CONT)		And why am I naked?Suddenly Slimer flies INTO SHOT and gives Egon a big, sloppy kiss.				SLIMER			(as he enters)		Egon!			(KISSING SOUNDS)ON PETER AND WINSTON				PETER		Sit down, Egon, we have some good news and		some bad news.				EGON			(as he sits)		Bad news first.				WINSTON		You've been turned into a werechicken!ON EGONHis glasses slip to the end of his nose as his eyes widen.  He pushes themback up.				EGON		A werechicken?ON RAYHe hurriedly thumbs through the TOBIN SPIRIT GUIDE.				RAY			(flipping through book)		Were-aardvarks ... were-bears werechickens!			(reads)		"The werechicken appears during the full		moon.  Anyone it bites will turn into		another werechicken."			(he looks at Egon)		That egg Peter brought in, it hatched and...ON EGONHe rubs his rear.				EGON			(through above)		I remember the bite clearly.  How long will		I stay like this?ON RAY, WINSTON and PETERLooking at the Tobin Guide.				RAY			(looking in Tobin's Guide)		According to this, there is an antidote.		But we've gotta move fast -- the eclipse		only lasts three minutes!INT. FIREHOUSE KITCHENSlimer scrambles through the cupboard, grabbing various bottles of stuff,and hands them to Winston who adds ingredients to mixing bowl and stirswhile Ray reads from Tobin's Guide.				RAY			(reading through above)		"One tablespoon paprika, one clove of		garlic, some parsley for color, cup of		gelatin..."ANGLE ON WINDOWThrough it we see the eclipsed moon starting to emerge from shadow.INT. LAB -- ANGLE ON EGONHis pupils look constricted and he's perspiring.				EGON			(weakly)		I don't feel well.Peter steps INTO SHOT, puts arm around Egon's shoulders.				PETER			(through above)		Take it easy, Egon.  You're gonna be fine.			(SHOUTS O.S.; worried)		Hurry it up, guys!INT.  KITCHEN -- ON WINSTON AND RAY				RAY			(reading hurriedly)		"And one tablespoon of chickenbane."ON SLIMERHe rummages through shelves, then looks down at Ray.				SLIMER			(aghast)		No chickenbane!ANOTHER ANGLERay and winston exchange panicky looks.				RAY		Then we've gotta go with this!  C'mon!They run OUT with the mixing bowl of liquid.  Slimer follows.INT. LAB -- CLOSE ON EGON'S LEGSThey're once again turning into chicken legs and chicken feet.  Toespopping out like popcorn.				PETER (VO)			(YELLS)		Come on, Ray!!WIDER ANGLEAs Peter and Egon stare down at the chicken legs and chicken feet.				PETER  (CONT)			(YELLS o.s.)		He's changing again!Ray, Slimer and Winston rush INTO SHOT.				RAY			(breathless)		Quick, Egon, drink this!Winston hands the bowl of potion to Egon, who gulps it down.				EGON			(swallowing, GULPING			sounds)As Egon drinks, his arms transform into wings and he drops the bowl,breaking it.				WINSTON		We're too late!CLOSER -- EGONAs the transformation  and feathers  rise up  his shoulders.  Suddenly,the transformation  stops at  the neck.   DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS, too.ON PETER, RAY, WINSTON AND SLIMERThey stare, wide-eyed.  After A BEAT --				PETER		What happened?WIDER ANGLETo include Egon, who is once again a six-foot-tall chicken, but withEgon's own neck and head.				RAY		The potion only partly worked, because of		the missing chickenbane.				PETER		Well, we hafta do something!				EGON		Don't get your feathers ruffled, Peter.		There's a logical solution to every problem.				BABY WERECHICKEN (VO)			(HOWL)CLOSER ANGLEStrands of slime stand straight up on the nape of Slimer's "neck" at thesound -- like a frightened cat -- and he dives into a test tube in a rackon Egon's workbench.				SLIMER			(SQUEALS as he goes)ON RAY AND WINSTONlooking around.				WINSTON		What was that?				RAY		The werechicken that bit Egon.  It's still		out there somewhere.ANOTHER ANGLE				PETER			(to others)		Let's stop that thing before it makes		drumsticks out of anyone else!			(to Egon)		Un, no offense, Egon.The three normal Ghostbusters dash toward door.							SMASH CUT TO:EXT. -- AERIAL VIEW -- MANHATTAN -- NIGHTECTO-2 glides over the city, running lights blinking.INT. -- ECTO-2 -- MOVINGPeter at the controls.  Slimer sits beside him, looking down at the citythrough binoculars.				PETER			(into radio mike)		All quiet on the chicken front.  How about		down there?INT. -- ECTO-1 -- MOVINGWinston driving.  Ray on the radio.				RAY		Not a peep.				WINSTON			(gives Ray a dirty look)		No pun intended.EXT. SUPERMARKET - NIGHTSeveral people run out front door SCREAMING as ECTO-1 passes.				PEOPLE			(SCREAMING as they exit)INT. -- ECTO-1 - MOVINGWinston and Ray look back at exiting people.				WINSTON		That's it!Winston cranks the wheel.EXT.  ECTO-1As it makes a SCREECHING U-turn.EXT. -- SUPERMARKETEcto-1 SKIDS up, doors open, and Ray and Winston leap out, blasters at theready, running toward store entrance.INT. -- SUPERMARKETRay and winston run in and stop inside door beside a panicked BOX BOY whopoints o.s.				BOX BOY			(breathless)		It's in there!  A big chicken!  It's gotta		be ten feet tall!CLOSER ANGLERay and Winston exchange glances.				WINSTON		Ten feet tall?				BOX BOY			(nods)		Maybe fifteen, I dunno.  Big!			(he runs o.s.)		I'm outta here!				RAY			(to Winston)		Let's split up.They run off in opposite directions, flanking the long aisles.ON RAYPAN WITH him as he cautiously moves along, aisle by aisle.  At far end ofaisles, Winston can be seen doing the same.  The market is thrashed,spilled groceries everywhere.ANOTHER ANGLEAs they reach the last aisle.  No chicken.  Ray joins Winston.				WINSTON		How could we lose a fifteen foot-tall		chicken?				BUTCHER (VO)			(frightened SCREAM)				RAY		We didn't!  Come on!They hurry o.s.INT. MEAT DEPT. -- ON BUTCHERHe's hiding under his butcher block, trembling.  Ray and Winston run INTOSHOT.  The Butcher looks up, eyes wide.				BUTCHER		A giant chicken just came through here --		it was thirty feet tall!CLOSER ANGLE				WINSTON		Thirty feet tall?ANOTHER ANGLEThe Butcher is pointing out open door.  Beyond is a parking lot with atrail of crushed cars right down the middle.				BUTCHER (CONT)		Yeah!  Look what it did to those cars!Ray and Winston race out the door.EXT. INDUSTRIAL DISTRICT - WIDE ON ECTO-2 FLYING -- NIGHTThe little chopper, lights blinking, skims low past three-and four-storybuildings.				PETER (VO)			(into radio)		It's how big?  Okay, Ray, I admit you were		right about these Werechickens,...INT.  ECTO-2 -- MOVINGPeter and Slimer, as before.				PETER (CONT)		...but I definitely don't buy them growing		to the size of buildings.				SLIMER		(covers mouth, LAUGHTER FIZZING		through his closed, flapping lips.		"How absurd.")Suddenly, the head of the Werechicken rears up INTO SHOT right in front ofRay and Slimer.				SLIMER			(SCREAMS)				WERECHICKEN			(deafening HOWL)ECTO-2 is buffeted about by the howl as Peter jams the stick forward.WIDER ON ECTO-2It makes a steep, banking dive and gets the hell out of there, barelyescaping the big Werechicken's beak that SNAPS shut on thin air justbehind Ecto-2's retreating tail.INT. -- ECTO-2 -- MOVINGPeter is shaken, but in control.  Slimer is trembling like green Jell-O.				PETER			(into mike)		Ray, you were right!  The chicken's here,		and he's a walking high-rise!INT. -- ECTO-1 -- NIGHT -- MOVING				RAY			(into radio)		On our way, Peter.Winston floors it and he and Ray accelerate forward INTO CAMERA.INT. BUNKROOM -- GHOSTBUSTERS HQ - MORNINGEgon is "perched" on the window sill, looking pensively out at the city,still a chicken from the neck down.  A BEAT, then:				JANINE (VO)			(big SCREAM)				EGON			(startled CLUCK)Startled, Egon flutters up off the sill, gravity takes over, and he landson his feathered butt.WIDER ANGLERevealing Janine standing frozen in the doorway, eyes wide with disbelief,hands to her cheeks.				JANINE		Egon!  What happened?				EGON		It's a long story, Janine.   Can you get my		coat, please?  I'm due at the weather board		in forty-five...			(CLUCK)		...minutes.ON JANINEShe stares at Egon, totally bewildered.				JANINE		But what ...?			(thinks better of asking)		Nevermind.ANOTHER ANGLEJanine takes a long yellow raincoat off a door hook and helps him into it.He's completely covered except for his head and feet.				JANINE		Are you sure you wanna go to a meeting like		-- this?				EGON		Trust me.  I'm of sound mind at least.ANGLE ON EGONAs he struts toward the door, we see his tail protruding through a slit inthe back of coat.  He EXITS, CLUCKING.				EGON			(CLUCKING as he goes)CLOSE JANINEStaring after him in disbelief.EXT. MID-TOWN MANHATTAN -- ANGLE ON WERECHICKENIt walks along stepping on cars, kicking over telephone poles, etc., a laGodzilla.  The streets SHAKE.  Panicky pedestrians flee the Werechicken'sgiant feet.				CROWD			(panicky WALLA)INT. -- ECTO-2 -- MOVINGPeter and Slimer are following giant chicken.				PETER			(into radio)		It's heading down 34th toward the Empire		State Building.EXT. -- THE STREETS -- DAWNEcto-1 SPEEDS around a corner, SIREN blaring.				RAY (VO)		Check!  We're almost there.EXT. EMPIRE STATE BLDG. -- DAWNSun rises behind the werechicken as it approaches in distance.  With eachHOWL, the streets SHAKE.				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(HOWLS)LOW ANGLE ON ECTO-1Approaching CAMERA fast, it SCREECHES to a halt.  Doors fly open.  Ray andWinston LEAP out, open fire, their proton streams angling upward.LOW ANGLE POV - WERECHICKENMoving toward them down the concrete canyon, flattening street lamps andpower poles.  Ecto-2 can be seen flying above and behind it.  The protonstreams are up toward it.INT. ECTO-2				PETER		Take over, Slimer!				SLIMER		Roger!Slimer grabs the control stick in both hands as Peter leans out to oneside with his blaster and fires downward.ANGLE ON WERECHICKENCaught in the three crossing streams.  It FLAILS about, knocking overstreet lights and bashing in the sides of buildings, and lets out adeafening HOWL.  A MONSTROUS SPIRIT emerges from its body and fills thescreen like a transparent film.				WERECHICKEN			(enraged HOWLS)ON RAY AND WINSTONRay tosses out the trap.				RAY		Let's reel him in!WIDER ANGLEAs Ray, Winston and Peter's beams draw the Spirit toward the trap.				SPIRIT			(angry HOWLS)CLOSER ON TRAPRay's boot stomps on trigger and trap springs open.  As the Spirit comesinto contact with the trap a small STORM ERUPTS around it.  SPARKS andLIGHTNING BOLTS fly.  A HURRICANE-like WIND BLOWS.ON RAY AND WINSTONBeing buffeted by wind, struggling to hang onto their throwers as theycontinue firing.  They have to SHOUT over the NOISE.				WINSTON			(loud)		Trap's full!  Somebody forgot to empty it!ON ECTO-2The wind is really bouncing it around.  Slimer has his hands full, whilePeter continues shooting.				RAY			(YELLS)		Whose job was it?RAY AND WINSTONturn to each other.				RAY AND WINSTON		EGON'S!CLOSE ON TRAPLight FLASHES rapidly.  Trap begins to shake and glow.				RAY (VO)		It's gonna blow!LOW ANGLE -- ECTO-2				WINSTON (VO)			(over walkie-talkie)		Peter, get outa here!It banks, gets the hell away.RAY AND WINSTONturn off their proton guns and are KNOCKED down by the released force asthe freed Monstrous Spirit whooshes skyward.  The STORM abruptlydisappears, as if SUCKED up.  The trap stops shaking and SNAPS shut.ANGLE ON WERECHICKENAs the Spirit POPS back into its body, JARRING it.  Its chicken facecontorts with new ANGER.				WERECHICKEN			(HOWLS)WIDER ANGLEIt turns and starts up the side of the Empire State Building.EXT. EMPIRE STATE BUILDING - MORNINGThe werechicken is halfway to the top.  PULL BACK to reveal Peter, Slimer,Winston and Ray standing in street looking up at him.  Ecto-1 and 2 arebehind them.				PETER		So how're we gonna, put that big bird on		ice, guys'				RAY			(SNAPS finger)		Peter, that's not a bed idea!  Chicken		freezes at very low temperatures!CLOSER ANGLE				WINSTON		Yeah, but how do you freeze a 50-foot		chicken in August?A BEAT, then the three guys look at each other.				RAY, WINSTON & PETER		Egon's weather balloon!EXT. -- BUILDING ROOFTOP -- MORNINGNot far from the Empire State Building.  Egon stands before a group ofseated MEN and WOMEN --THE WEATHER BOARD -- in his rain coat.  To oneside, the weather balloon hovers above them.				EGON		Distinguished members of the Weather Board,		my weather balloon has the clu-cluck-clu-		capability --ANGLE ON EGONThe top of the Empire State Building is visible behind him as he holds thesmall weather device control box in one winged hand.				EGON (CONT)		... of entering the upper atmosphere where		clu-cluck-clu cloud formations occur.ANGLE ON BOARD MEMBERSThey look at each other, puzzled.				BOARD			(puzzled MUTTERING WALLA)RESUME ON EGON				EGON (VO)(CONT)		There, it can electronically alter weather		cut-cut-cut-con-ditions to produce sun,		rain, or...			(BAWK!)		...snow.Ecto-2 ascends into view behind him and hovers, the chopper's rotorsblowing Egon's raincoat up over his head, exposing the chicken bodyunderneath.ANGLE ON AUDIENCETheir mouths drop open as they stare at Egon's chicken body.				BOARD MEMBERS			(excited WALLA)ANGLE ON EGONHe pulls raincoat down off his face, holding it in place with one hand ashe looks at audience with forced smile.				EGON			(to Board members)		I, er, can explain this, but --Slimer flies INTO SHOT beside Egon and WHISPERS in his ear.				SLIMER			(WHISPERING MUTTERS)				EGON		What?He looks around to where Slimer is pointing.EGON'S POVAs the Werechicken climbs into view, scaling the upper stories of theEmpire State Building.				WERECHICKEN			(distant SQUAWKS)NEW ANGLEThe Weather Board members see the Werechicken and start to SCREAM.				WEATHER BOARD MEMBERS			(SCREAMING)ON EGONHe JUMPS onto a rope ladder hanging from Ecto-2 and climbs inside.  Slimerflies in right behind him and Ecto-2 rises up OUT OF SHOT.INT. -- ECTO-2 -- MOVINGEgon settles into passenger seat.  Slimer hovers behind them.				PETER			(loud over engine)		Egon, can we freeze that big chicken with		your weather balloons				EGON			(holds up wings)		Yes, but you'll have to work the controls.				PETER			(nods)		Piece of cake.EXT. -- ECTO-2 -- MORNINGIt banks off toward the Empire State Building as the Werechicken reachesthe top of the spire.ON WERECHICKENAs it gets "comfortable" on the spire, fluffing its feathers.  It beginsto quiver (like Maude did earlier when she laid an egg).				WERECHICKEN			(hideous CROW)ON RAY AND WINSTONOn street below, looking skyward through binoculars.				WINSTON		What's it doing?				RAY		It looks like it's about to lay an --Winston puts a hand over Ray's mouth.				WINSTON			(with dread)		I don't want to hear it.ANGLE ON WEATHER BALLOONIt rises from weather bureau rooftop, then drifts along horizontally, awayfrom the Empire State Building.  It stops, then begins to rise again.  Thesky darkens as the balloon rises into the clouds.INT. ECTO-2 - MOVINGPeter, Egon, Slimer, as before.  Peter operates the weather ballooncontrol box while Slimer flies the chopper.				EGON		Okay, Peter, the balloon's in position.		Turn the lever to the extreme left.CLOSE UP ON WEATHER CONTROL BOXPeter turns a lever.ANGLE ON BALLOONThe balloon and surrounding clouds start to freeze, turning white andforming ice on them.  Suddenly, snow starts to fall.ON SLIMERHe sticks his tongue out and catches some snowflakes.ANGLE ON WERECHICKENBlizzard-like snow pelts it.  The chicken begins to stiffen and turn whitewith frost.				WERECHICKEN			(angry SQUAWKS)ANGLE ON STREETSSnow falls on Ray and Winston as they gaze skyward.				RAY AND WINSTON		They did it!  All-right!!They high-five each other.								WIPE TO:EXT. FIREHOUSE -- NIGHTA heavy snow continues to fall as CAMERA MOVES IN				MAUDE (VO)			(calls)		Anyone for dessert?INT, FIREHOUSE - DINING AREAMaude (back to normal) emerges from kitchen carrying a large, steamingbowl.  Seated around the table are Egon (back to normal) Peter, Winston,Ray and Zeke.  No Slimer.  There are half-empty soup bowls in front ofeveryone and the diners all look full to the point of weariness -- exceptSlimer.				EGON			(raising hand)		You bet, Maude.ON PETERAs he looks at bowl of soup Maude sets down.				PETER		Lemme guess -- more chickenbane soup!ON EGONspooning soup eagerly into his bowl.				EGON		I'm actually starting to like it.ON MAUDE				MAUDE		No more werechicken problems for us,		eh, Egon?			(CHUCKLES)				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(HOWL)WIDER ANGLEEveryone freezes and looks o.s.				WINSTON		Uh-oh.				RAY		It came from the lab!The Ghostbusters burst from their chairs and run o.s.INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE LABAs the Ghostbusters cautiously advance, blasters ready.INT. LAB -- ON DOORIt opens and the Ghostbusters peer in.  Suddenly ...				WERECHICKEN (VO)			(another HOWL)SWISH PAN to ...A HUGE SHADOW on the lab wall, its head making a "pecking" motion like awerechicken.  After a beat, PAN DOWN to reveal Slimer with a Walkman onhis head, "pecking" his head to the rhythm of his music.  Slimer HOWLSagain ...				SLIMER			(HOWLS)ON GHOSTBUSTERS				WINSTON			(big SIGH)		It's just Slimer groovin' to his new James		Brown tape.ON SLIMERAs he continues to groove to the music.				SLIMER			(a la James Brown)		I feel good!		I knew that I would		So good, so good, so good!			(big James Brown HOWL as			we --)			(HOWLS)ON GHOSTBUSTERSPeter turns to the others in disgust.				PETER			(long-suffering)		Tell me, how do I get out of this chicken		outfit?								FADE OUT				THE END