-----
--- 72938968
Thread for discusions about self harm and mutual support.

no edition edition

>How are you doing today?
>Any plans for today?
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
>Why did you hurt yourself?
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
--- 72938984
Useful links for anyone who might need them:

>A long list of self harm alternatives (thanks muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

>first aid for post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

>wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

>bpd workbook:
https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read

>dbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)
workbook intended for BPD but can work for anyone:
https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills-workbook-e187098535.html
--- 72939075
>>72938968 (OP)
Why do you cut? I was real depressed in some point of my life but I never thought of self harm, just suicide.
--- 72939310
>>72939075
there are many reasons why somebody would hurt themselves
I have two main reason, 
first, sometimes I get more detached/depressed than usual and I feel hollow and very bored
Hurting myself helps me get back to normal quicker 
The other reason is self hate, I dislike myself a lot and sometimes I get very angry at myself and hurting myself helps me calm down and take out my anger 

Disclaimer: self harm is not a good coping mechanism, I realize that and I try to reduce the amount I do it
--- 72939363
Goona go to the doctors on Monday and scared they will see my scars when they do my bloodwork. I really need to lean scar makeup.
--- 72939484
>>72939363
how visible are your scars?

if they don't look fresh the they probably won't even notice them
and even if they do they prolly won't even say anything unless you're under 18
 
Don't worry
--- 72939979
lol in addition to my antidepressants suddenly stopping to be effective, my anxiety is also spiking to the point where I can't leave my room. taking a couple benzos and hoping this isn't gonna put me in a spiral where it gets worse once they wear off.

got a psych appointment next week and hopefully I'll be in a state to actually go cause fuck me this is a nightmare.
--- 72940164
>>72939979
Hello anon
sorry to hear that, it sounds really tough but you also stay tough and don't lose hope and remember we're here for you ever thought we don't know each other very well 
Take care <3
--- 72940441
>>72940164
thank you, I'll try. I only sporadically post as anon, so I don't expect anyone to know me, but I do appreciate the support I've gotten. and the cats <3
--- 72940539
>>72940441
you are welcome ^^ 
here, have some more kots :3
--- 72941047
A Bump, I do hope you all are doing well today
--- 72941272
>>72941047
Hii, thank you for the bump and nice words
My day is actually pretty good, it was a little busy but surprisingly I'm not tired also I had an exam today and I'm sure I passed it :D 
How's your day?
--- 72941538
I was washing the dishes today and I started having difficulty doing this for some reason. The sink was messy and I started overthinking this menial task, and ended up panicking. Then I started breathing slower and telling myself to just do things one step at a time. Then I remembered how when I was a small kid I liked puzzle games but was too impatient to take my time, and would abandon them if I couldn't find the solution by myself in a couple of minutes. It was the same in middle school, where I would start crying and hitting myself in the head if I couldn't solve a math problem, and whenever I tried to study any subject I'd only actually read for five minutes before closing the books and becoming frustrated that I couldn't recite them word for word. My therapists would lie that I was a "smart kid" who could "think faster than they could express their ideas" (something they probably told all of the ADHD retard kids) and being the pampered narcissist that I was, I believed it. A little redditor Dunning-kruegerling up until I was 12. And my lack of patience and discipline was only amplified by having unsupervisionised access to the internet from age 8. I was a complete dopamine addict before I finished puberty. And when I realized I actually wasn't as smart as I though at about 13, I buried myself more and more in my dopamine rushes to ignore how retarded I was. And when that wasn't enough, I turned to self harm 16 instead of trying to fix my problems, step by step, because (just caught myself almost self deprecating here) it's a more comfortable alternative to looking at what is wrong with you and making an effort to fix it. And then I wished I could just forgive myself, forgive myself for my ugliness, for my limitations, move on from self hatred and at the very least try to fix myself. I cried for the first time in a while. The only other time I remember crying is when I had to explain to my mom that I had cut myself because I hated myself.
--- 72941647
Post too long. Like a Millipide.
--- 72941673
Hi anon :3
Cut yourself kill yourself cut yourself harm yourself cut yourself kill yourself harm yourself
--- 72941690
>>72938968 (OP)
i only harmed myself once in high school to get some hot emo chick to notice me. 
she made fun of me.
--- 72941973
>>72941538
Hai Bile 
wow that's a lot of words and it's very personal
Are you feeling better after writing it all?
I hope so 
Who would have thought that such a mundane task like washing the dishes could send somebody down such a retrospective journey, do you often think about your past? 
I think sharing your thoughts with us was a good idea because it allows others to look at what you've gone through from a different perspective and draw different conclusions, maybe there's somebody who feels just like you who might offer you help 

I'm sadly not great and don't feel qualified enough to analyze what you've said and offer advice, I feel like I have a constant brain fog, sorry 
I hope you find a way to forgive yourself 
and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us, you're brave
--- 72942284
bump 
seeing if i can make it 2 days without sleep because fuck it we ball
--- 72942348
yesterday was wonderful and amazing and i also went to school on time for the first time in a couple weeks. today i slept until noon and didnt go. tomorrow i will go on time. i really really cannot affort to miss anymore school now.
its quite hot outside and parents wont put on the ac yet. i'll live. its very nice to hear the birds sing. 
i went outside but there was music coming from somewhere (picrel) so i went inside and made pierogis. and ate other things and my tum aches a bit. i miss my big bf. i love his place he has so many guns and its very cozy and we made hotdogs and beans together and he sexed me so hard heh. thank god for /soc/ LoL.
--- 72942387
>>72941973
I'm alright
no need to apologize I just needed to dump that shit somewhere.
--- 72942397
>>72941973
Just wanted to say hi to you anon! How are you doing? (Unless I've gotten the wrong person somehow :/)
--- 72942471
>>72938968 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
Feeling down, a friend blocked me today
>Any plans for today?
I was going to go for a walk but I havent done shot today
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Sometime last year. I was hitting myself on the forehead.
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Friend, the same one, was arrested in front of me and the stress of that and school was very stressful
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
That Im a gullible retard. No one really wants to be my friend for the sake of being my friend.
--- 72942482
>>72941272
glad to see you in high spirits again. i was a bit worried the last few days. also good to hear you passed that exam. well done, my friend. 

>>72941538
hey, bile. those are some interesting thoughts. thanks for sharing them. i'll be pondering about that for a while.
--- 72942636
>>72941272
Very tiring, weaning off of caffeine isn't easy

Replaying Persona Q though, fun game
--- 72942669
>>72942397
Hiya mioposter :D
you've got the right guy
I described most of my day today here >>72941272
and if you mean how I'm doing in general, I'm doing okay, I've been better but I'm definitely not doing bad 
I don't know what else to say about how I'm doing
I'd say that "if you have any more questions feel free to ask"but I it's 12pm here and I gotta wake up at 6am tomorrow and I shouldn't say up any longer
 
besides that, how are you doing?

>>72942482
Hello hello it's nice to see you 
>well done, my friend.
thank you :3
>i was a bit worried
no need to worry 

sadly I need go to sleep now because I gotta wake you early tomorrow so goodnight everybody
I'll make sure to be extra snug tonight and make the most out of my short sleep
--- 72942858
>>72942669
I am doing okay. Life is prettt mundane besides the exhilarating rushes to get my assignments done on time. Already didn't hand one of them in. I'm screwed :D
--- 72943432
Going to have to cut to beans to remove something from inside me on the hip. Any advice?
--- 72943516
>>72942397
do you live in switzerland?
--- 72943530
i hate how i cant drink alcohol unless i know i'll get drunk enough. if that make sense
>be me scrolling 4chan just now
>brother comes in to give me "the rest" of his little 4.5% 12oz spike seltzer
>instantly getting frustrated 
>no get out i dont want it
>just take it
>how much is "the rest" 
>idk a couple sips
>may i please have an extra can, i hate drinking and not getting drunk
>bro says see muddy thats the sign of a true alcoholic. plus they were expensive
>fuck off why are you buying expensive shit anyway
>he leaves, i think how i would rather cut myself
>chug the rest
>i want to be drunk i want another i want to cry
i hate my brain sometimes i wish i could go back to when nobody knew about my fucking issues and how i could get alcohol from my brothers every weekend and i was drunk everyday forever. im only 18 and worry what will happen when i turn 21. i just need to get a license so i can buy drinks from little no ID place.
--- 72943547
>>72943432
what do you have to remove anon?
--- 72943577
>>72943547
I assume it is a ingrown hair.
--- 72943640
>>72943577
beans is really deep. maybe have some tweezers nearby, dont cut super deep maybe just enough to grab the hair with tweezers. but also if its big and sensitive i would reccomend maybe leaving it to a doctor if possible, considering it could get all infected and things. i really wouldnt reccomend cutting at all but if you truly think its the only option in this particular situation, just make sure its all clean
--- 72943674
>>72943640
any tips on avoiding infection?
--- 72943807
>>72943674
change bandages daily (at least. if you are bleeding through before the day is over, maybe change it twice a day). pay attention to the healing process- dont ignore the cut. sometimes smell the wound, give the area a little poke if youre unsure how the nerves react to touch (if its red and super sensitive and stinky and producing pus, it could be infected). keep the area clean, everytime you change the bandage, give it a little wash with warm water and mild soap. using a washcloth and working in small gentle circular motions can help if you need to wash off blood that doesnt want to budge. ive used neosporin many times which seems to help. its also very important to treat your body well- get good rest, eat and drink plenty of water as your immune system fights against any bacteria that enters through the cut. stay safe anon
--- 72943968
I have to resist baddly against the will of physically hurting myself.
Shit sucks man.
--- 72943987
OH GOD OH FUCK IT HURTS IT BURNS
--- 72944081
>>72943987
u ok anon?
>>72943807
 didnt namefag. whatever lol
--- 72944355
hiya /cut/ any new music? whats been going with yall i been busy
--- 72944418
>>72944355
warren zevon
--- 72944627
>>72938968 (OP)
Does anyone have a self harm connection to OCD? I keep thinking things(universe wise) will go better if I cut, I also think about how I also feel much better
I'm bipolar too, I'll do anything if I can feel anything other than misery
--- 72944924
>How are you doing today?
pretty okay, idk
>Any plans for today?
its the end of the day so sleep soon
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
5-6 months ago
>Why did you hurt yourself?
the last time was because my boyfriend constantly ignoredm e and didnt love me
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
i feel like the guy im talking to doesnt really like me either
--- 72944930
>>72939075
is fun I like the blood no hurt
--- 72945053
>How are you doing today?
I'm high on shard and feeling desperate for any type of affection
>Any plans for today?
Just going to let myself play OSRS until sleep. I'm also letting some homeless neighbors sleep over. Maybe another line if he picks up. Weed either way, I plan on smoking more weed.
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
It was 21. I cut a few horizontal scars into my arm. They are basically uniform. I felt awful.
>Why did you hurt yourself?
I felt bothered by lack of sexual intercourse and was feeling extremely embittered by lack of affection. I never did my limerent object yet. Then, that person was also very demeaning and intimidating to me, implying they would hurt me if I got close. It hurt my feelings and left me out of sex for even longer. I just needed a visit, I felt no need to do anything but attempt that she hated me.
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
I am out of vodka, for one thing. And she hasn't been in contact for another. I think her kid dislikes me so much that it's a dealbreaker - he said he hated me, now I'll be alone forever and shit. I just want my sexy slut to be my munchkin. If she can't find me soon than I may cut again and tell about it at the emergency room, where they will ignore me and possibly have me raped send me to the psych unit. I think I have to.
--- 72945700
Heyo
cutting has been slowly inching itself into my stream of consciousness lately. ive been busy taking care of shit, and somehow in that process i feel like im losing myself. like i ran errands for 12 hours yesterday and figured out a bunch of legal stuff, and i feel good for completing my dumb little tasks, but i also feel less human for it somehow. more and more im thinking of just giving myself quick little cuts, physical reminders of my inner self for my material self to look at. idk. i guess i just wanna see my blood come out too. that feels more real than anything im doing right now, and lord knows dissociation is my modus operandi at all times.
/blog
--- 72946096
aaabsha bumpp
--- 72946110
>cutters general
>No cutter pics
I am disappoint
--- 72946170
>>72946110
You're not gonna blackmail anyone here, trannoid
--- 72946206
>>72946110
yeah no shit because some people depend on these threads for support and guro pics get you banned. duh.
--- 72946237
>>72939363
yes what catbro said, they probably wont say anything. also if scars are only on one arm, you can request that they take blood from the other arm, and they always have agreed, no questions asked.
--- 72946790
ooo wow the thread is still up :o
--- 72947197
bwhd bump idbe
--- 72947499
>women entering the cut thread
it's over
--- 72947537
>>72947499
I mean I see a lot more girls that cut then boys plus common most 4chan girls are mentally fucked it was inevitable
--- 72947570
>>72947537
What if we just sexed them? Wouldn't that make them stop cutting?
--- 72947603
>>72947499
>>72947570
fuck i knew this wasnt a safe space lol. as a girl i am going to cut myself and never return to this fucking general nobody here cares
--- 72947618
>>72947603
Calm down muddy we do care but you have to keep in mind that this is 4chan and you are on r9k so this is to be expected
--- 72947641
>>72947618
i am not convinced. i pretty much only browsed /b/ before a month ago. sometimes /soc/. i thought this board might be a tiny bit better but honestly after tonight, i really never want to return or speak to any of these people again. i feel like the chaos of this place feels safe in the same way is does in my house. its just familiar but oh so unhealthy and i hate it here i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it ihate it hi hate it ii hate it
--- 72947651
>>72947603
Wait what did I do wrong? I thought women liked doing sex??!
--- 72947835
>>72947651
Mental health does not get better with only sex hell most girls do not appreciate guys seemingly thinking with there dick especially when it comes in the context with mental health. Just so you know
--- 72947848
>>72947641
R9k is different this is a board for lonly people yes but most have become incels and they hate most woman for turning this place into a simp place so it is better not to say or post pictures of you being a girl and I'm not scolding you just saying
--- 72947891
>>72947641
hey, muddy. 

>i thought this board might be a tiny bit better
i'm quite new to this board, but i never got that impression. it's just this thread. at least for me. 

>i really never want to return or speak to any of these people again.
sorry to hear that. i was feeling bad for not engaging with you, but i thought you had nice conversations with other people here and i tried to not be overbearing and to not barge into every single one of them. maybe that was a mistake. i don't know. yesterday i was so tired that i immediately fell asleep after posting, so i again made up an excuse for not replying to you. i'd like to talk to you and for you to stay, but sometimes i just don't know how to approach and maybe it's too late know. sorry.

>its just familiar but oh so unhealthy
it probably is. it's social media after all. i don't think there's a single safespace on this site. there's no way to gatekeep here. for better and for worse.
--- 72947931
>>72947891
Morgen yun was geht ab
--- 72947985
>>72947931
morgen ffmanon. liege noch im bett.^^ hab heute spaetschicht. war echt fertig gestern. und bei dir?
--- 72948130
>>72947985
Platt konnte gestern nich schlafen das maedchen von vorhin tut mirn bissl leid muss ich sagen
--- 72948211
Textless posts are not allowed, you say?
--- 72948278
>>72948130
hab auch manchmal so rastlose naechte, aber die sind inzwischen seltener geworden. meinst du, du kommst gut durch den tag?

>das maedchen von vorhin tut mirn bissl leid muss ich sagen
klar. mir auch. ich habe nur nicht viel zu sagen, was beziehungen angeht, weswegen ich nicht unbedingt auf solche posts antworte. hab halt keine erfahrung.
--- 72948285
>>72948278
Kenn ich zu gut hatte zwar schon ma ne Beziehung aber ich geh das immern wenig anders an haha
--- 72948378
>>72948285
jetzt halt auch wieder. bin mir unsicher, ob ich dich was zu deiner beziehung fragen kann/soll. oder was du mit "anders angehen" meinst... ich geh's halt gar nicht an...
--- 72948403
how likely is cant move fingers never damage from styro wrist slits?
--- 72948421
>>72948403
I think nerve damage is unlikely, maybe you've damaged your tendon
--- 72948663
>>72948378
Sorry war grade saugen wischen und dann duschen und ich meine weil ich viel zeit alleine brauche und viele jungs freunde hab son zeug
--- 72948684
Finally managed to get a meaningful amount of sleep last night. Wasn't perfect, but better than most nights. Still had a lot of weird dreams, though.
--- 72948825
>>72948663
man muss sich auch mal um sich selbst kuemmern. bin auch gleich weg. bin auch eher mit maennern befreundet, aber das hat wahrscheinlich auch was mit meinen hobbies zu tun. und ich hab auch ganz gerne zeit fuer mich.

>>72948684
nice. i was so tired yesterday that i forgot to turn off my alarm, so i didn't get as much as i wanted either. my sleep is mostly dreamless at this point, but i prefer it that way. what were you dreaming about?
--- 72948901
>>72948825
>what were you dreaming about?
It's hard to describe, but it was me being decent at the skills I've tried to pursue, what was weird though was the constsnt sensation of liquid dripping across my body
--- 72949032
>>72948901
that must habe been an odd feeling. i don't think i ever had that while dreaming. is it the first time you had that or is it recurring? in the last dream i remember my hand was infested by these botfly-like bugs. i was not even shocked or disgusted, just so annoyed i had to deal with that on top of other things... anyway, i'm off to work now. bye.
--- 72949056
>>72943530
I feel you, I can never drink casually at work events or dinner parties or any other shit because if I'm taking a sip of alcohol I'm getting completely shitfaced. There's no point if I'm only having 1-2 drinks. Also I'm definitely a drug addict, so you're probably an alcoholic.
--- 72949179
cutters general?
more like cuties general :)
how are you guys doing?
--- 72949271
>>72949032
Yea it's happened before, reminds me of when blood would run down before I cleaned it.

Also I just learned that my best friend has another six months of military service and I want to scream ;]
--- 72949702
hai guys !!
I just finished my classes, last night I slept only for about 5 hours and I'm feeling tired, I think I'll take a short nap now 
When I wake up I'll respond to people in the thread 
Hope y'all are doing well
--- 72949759
>>72942284
i fell asleep at 6 on acident so i got about 30 mins of sleep in 2 days 
i feel kinda lightheaded like im drunk 
gonna continue to sleep as little as i can (because im bored)
--- 72950307
>>72949759
you basically have the motoric skills and reaction time of a drunk when sleep deprived. stay safe.
--- 72950835
>>72950307
she crash D:
--- 72950926
>>72949759
Be careful sleep depriving, caffeine will make your heart feel like it's pumping lead
--- 72951211
I am a day late so I guess i will try to help the recent posters. . .

>>72947603
sorry i dont understand. as a girl you are going to cut yourself? and you get our support most of the time. . . why leave? because of a few creeps? not worth it. 

>>72949179
hmmm thanks :3 im okay but sad i will only see my mommy gf in 2 and a half weeks(((
--- 72951215
>>72938968 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
Feeling pretty shitty. I'm hungover and and tired
>Any plans for today?
I'll go swimming this evening 
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Long time ago, I've been using alcohol to cope since then
>Why did you hurt yourself?
I don't like myself. I feel pathetic and weak and by damaging myself I felt stronger, like I could defeat myself or something like that.
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Im feeling very pessimistic lately. Even more than usual. I'm in college rn and barely make it through everyday social situations. No idea how I should survive in the workforce once I graduate, I haven't been able to keep a job for longer than a few months and most jobs I tried just made me wanna kms. 
Also I ate lunch with a sweet girl today and now I'm overthinking what I said to her
--- 72951685
still very tired, even after a nap D: 

>>72943432
 it very easy to get an infection so you shouldn't cut this deep but if you do make sure the area you cut, the tool you cut with and whatever you're gonna patch yourself up with is very clean, disinfect it
Also a wound that deep should get closed up asap, ideally with stitches, if you don't wanna get stitches use butterfly strips to close up the wound and don't do anything physical because those strips aren't very strong and your would might open up and get infected

>>72943530
what is do cool about being drunk?
I've never been drunk in my life 

>>72944355
hiya :3
no music sorry, I haven't really been listening to anything lately 

>>72944627
don't cut, you'll control over it and it'll just become another issue making your life worse

>>72944924
scars on your arms are nicely faded
Nice work staying clean :D 

>>72947603
>i knew this wasnt a safe space
it's really not, this general is pretty safe and doesn't get a lot of hate but this is /r9k/ and mean people are unavoidable, there's nothing we can do about it 
But don't think nobody cares, there are nice people here

If you feel this place is only making your mental state worse maybe you should leave but remember that you're always welcome to come back
and please don't cut, take care of yourself 

>>72948684
good work anon, sleep depravation sucks and is dangerous
I get wierd dreams too but I like them

>>72949759
I think not sleeping is a bad idea 
>continue to sleep as little as i can (because im bored)
is sleeping boring to you? why? 
Keep us updated and tell us if you see stuff like hallucinations or something
but once again, I think it's a bad idea 

>>72951211
Hiii juuzouanon ^^
>only see my mommy gf in 2 and a half weeks(((
what happened? 
that's a lot of time
--- 72952105
>>72951685
not that person but being drunk is almost the only time I ever feel anything approaching happy. if I had the money I would just be drunk 24/7 and die of cirrhosis in 5 years. instead I cut and only sometimes drink.
--- 72952152
hiya /cut/ good morning to all!
--- 72952265
>>72952152
good morning anon, how do you do? 
for me it actually evening
--- 72952642
>>72952265
How you doing today cat anon
--- 72952674
>>72938968 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
Angry and pissed off, really hard to collect myself when my ex agreed to talk to me so I need to calm down.
>Any plans for today?
Hopefully talk to my ex and maybe drink. if she flakes on me probably slit my arms open as much as possible.
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Today was really hard not too but had to stop myself.
>Why did you hurt yourself?
PTSD and anxiety with ex
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
severe mood swings and just feeling super pissed off.
--- 72952756
im having a mental breakdown in the bathroom and all i have is a serrated knife please help i fucking cant antmlre
--- 72952867
>>72938968 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
not good :3
>Any plans for today?
nothing but the boring yoytube
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
first time today 
>Why did you hurt yourself?
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
life and tranny-kun
--- 72952909
>>72949271
>reminds me of when blood would run down
do you think that might represent something or that's just how you process the memory of that feeling?

>I just learned that my best friend has another six months of military service
that's rough. well, as always, we are here to help you to kill some time until your friend comes back. 

>>72950835
she's used to it by now, i think. ^^

>>72951211
>but sad i will only see my mommy gf in 2 and a half weeks(((
the poor bastards in warthunder who will have to pay for that have my sympathy...

>>72951685
>still very tired, even after a nap D:
damn. that's why i don't nap anymore. i just feel worse after than i did before. hello, catbro. how's your evening?

>>72952152
good morning, anon!
--- 72952919
>>72952756
hey, anon. can you tell me what caused the breakdown?
--- 72952998
>>72952642
I'm doing good, although I had a short sleep last night and today I'm a little tired 

>>72952674
I hope you manage to get a little better soon, Good luck anon

>>72952756
don't cut
what happened nonny?

>>72952867
>not good :3
Is there something that could make you feel a little better?
>nothing but the boring yoytube
same plans for me
>first time today
do you want to do it again? 
I don't recommend it 

>>72952909
yo yo yuanon
are you back from work? how was it?
hope you're not as tired as yesterday
--- 72953025
>>72952909
Hi yu hoffe arbeit is gut
--- 72953053
>>72952909
It seems to represent self-harm, since that's how I came to know the feeling. The dream did remind me of my previous attempts to learn things as I've mentioned before, so the running blood is probably a recollection of the shing I did when I failed or thought I couldn't do something

Do appreciate y'all being here, though, even with the extra sleep I cannot stand my mind and the constant reminders I get of the past
--- 72953084
>>72952265
im doing good, really tired for some reason. what are you doing cat anon?
--- 72953185
>>72952674
so you want to get her back? why did you break up and why are you pissed off when you agreed to talk?

>>72952867
>not good :3
sry to hear that. 

>nothing but the boring yoytube
what are you watching?

>life and tranny-kun
wanna elaborate on that?

>>72952998
yo yo catbro
yes, i'm back. time to relax and hang out with some lovely people. it was good. the late shift isn't as busy as the early one, so no, i'm not as tired. work was very taxing yesterday and then i had to entertain my friends the rest of the day. we want to meet up as often as possible until they head back home. i was just completely done by the end.

>>72953025
ja, war gut. kann mich heute nicht beschweren, aber wenn was schief laeuft kriegt man das sowieso erst ein paar tage spaeter mit. wie war dein tag?
--- 72953236
>>72953185
Ganz gut war bei meiner oma und hab am teich in ihrem garten gepennt die eule hat mich nur genervt
--- 72953264
>>72951215
hey.
>Feeling pretty shitty. I'm hungover and and tired
hangovers always go away in time.
>I'll go swimming this evening 
knowing youre in this thread, good luck
>I don't like myself. I feel pathetic and weak and by damaging myself I felt stronger, like I could defeat myself or something like that.
i think i know what you are talking about. when i was cutting myself i had these moments of hope that i could do and be anything if i cut as a way to calm down or feel better. its bs.
>Also I ate lunch with a sweet girl today and now I'm overthinking what I said to her
if you think about future with her, hit her up in the best way possible. idk your situation to provide more specific advice.

>>72951685
i never got infection. but i agree with everything else.

>Hiii juuzouanon ^^
haii
>only see my mommy gf in 2 and a half weeks(((
what happened? 
that's a lot of time
i have college, and we can only meet on weekends, and next weekend she is going out of the country, and this weekend she says she wants to be home and be a hikka (she was always a hikka).

>>72952152
hello

>>72952674
i hope it will get better with that ex situation.

>>72952909
>the poor bastards in warthunder who will have to pay for that have my sympathy...
ha i didnt think youd remember that game im playing. yea actually they wont have to pay for that, since i annihilate ground and air forces on a daily basis. i actually made a skin for Mig-29 today, its this pantone 369 green camo. A skin about a certain band i like. I will personally suck off anyone who names the band.
--- 72953399
>>72952998
>Is there something that could make you feel a little better?
prob not
>do you want to do it again?
idk. I didn't hurt at all and i only got a rush 2 days ago when i tried then. It hurts more doing my leg with cutting
--- 72953468
>>72953185
>what are you watching?
asl, mtg drafting tips for neo that just change (fml).
>wanna elaborate on that?
In a lot of back/leg pain nowadays. My life is pretty much a dead end do to mental problems and will be on disability for the rest of my life. No guy will ever want to date my tranny ass with all these mental prob and being ugly and not passing too. Tranny-kun says only a "pathetic loser" would want to date me yet still post say shit like just try so when i see him post it piss me off and makes me hate myself as a reminder of my vain pathetic life. Self harm my just be my new cope to not being able to end it
--- 72953672
>>72953053
>so the running blood is probably a recollection of the shing I did when I failed or thought I couldn't do something
sounds plausible. do you analyse your dreams often? seems like you gave it some thought.

>even with the extra sleep I cannot stand my mind and the constant reminders I get of the past
give it time. memories are a lot like scars, i think. they'll stay with you, but the pain will be gone at some point and the strong emotions you had will also fade. that's how it was for me, at least.

>>72953236
hoert sich schoen enspannt an. und lass mich nicht von eulen anfangen... hatten mal welche, die in der strasse genistet haben. punkt 10 uhr abends haben die alles zusammengeschrien. leute sind raus, um zu gucken, was da los war...
wolltest du nicht auch einen bekannten treffen?
--- 72953750
>>72953672
Wr musste leider spontan arbeiten und bin eulen gewohnt hier aufm land haha
--- 72954041
>>72952919
>>72952998
im not even sure suddenly i started to get really sad and i ran into the bathroom and locked myself there. i was crying for an hour or so i tried to make cuts with my nails and by picking my skin. i sliced the kinfe on my leg a couple of times but i was shaking too much for it to do anything. i felt like i was going insane halfway through i couldnt even remember what started it. i went back after that still really sad but presentable. a friend gave me a hug and i cried into their arms for a solid 5 minutes. im feeling a bit better now thankfully.
--- 72954201
its getting rapidly worse by the minute. i was almost 3 months clean, then cut my shoulder. ~1.5 weeks later cut my forearm. another 9 days go by and i cut my arm again yesterday and im fighting tears again. all my friends are ignoring me so i go around messaging people i used to talk to, and now im ghosting them because i lost the connection and i cant just talk to someone due to mental issues :3
so yeah, im fine thanks *(^o^)*
--- 72954202
>>72953264
>when i was cutting myself i had these moments of hope that i could do and be anything 
Yeah this is why cutting can be so addictive. Its a feeling you can't get anywhere else, so you need to remove the need for this feeling if you want to stop cutting for good. At least that's what I remember from therapy

Also I'm back from swimming, it actually wasnt that bad. There were only a few old people. My thighs were covered and my arms are underwater and moving. Had to do some weird acrobatics in the changing room though
--- 72954275
>>72954202
i cut last night and i went to the gym after school today so that was fun c:
--- 72954361
>>72953264
>ha i didnt think youd remember that game im playing.
of course i do. why wouldn't i? 

>yea actually they wont have to pay for that, since i annihilate ground and air forces on a daily basis.
glad you are winning, son. 

> actually made a skin for Mig-29 today, its this pantone 369 green camo. A skin about a certain band i like. I will personally suck off anyone who names the band.
well, got me there. no clue. didn't pay attention when you wrote about your taste in music. if you mentioned that band then, that is.

>>72953468
i played quite a bit of magic. even played arena for a while. drafting was by far the most enjoyable mode in that game. atm i'm playing the digimon tcg to scratch that itch. asl is a starcraft league, right?

>In a lot of back/leg pain nowadays.
that sucks. i'm not completely painfree, but i'm a lot better nowadays. do you know what causes the pain?

>My life is pretty much a dead end do to mental problems and will be on disability for the rest of my life.
a friend of mine has to deal with similar problems. nearly his whole family actually. but they are able to get by somehow. i'm sure you'll manage as well. i'm also not getting anywhere in life anymore. that's how it is. 

>No guy will ever want to date my tranny ass with all these mental prob and being ugly and not passing too.
i get you. i've got thoughts like that about myself ad well. i've somewhat managed to let go, but loneliness still get to me sometimes. when and how did you realize you were trans?

>Tranny-kun
doesn't seem like someone you should listen to. why don't you stay with us instead?

>Self harm my just be my new cope to not being able to end it
well, i don't think you should do either, but i can't really do anything to stop you. i'd just prefer if you didn't is all. 

>>72953750
schade. hoffentlich koennt ihr das bald nachholen. wir sind auch relativ laendlich und einiges gewohnt, aber das war dann doch neu.
--- 72954458
>>72954201
I'm sorry to hear that anon, don't feel bad for cutting, you're dealing with a lot of stuff so it's understandable and don't worry about stopping, you've been clean for almost 3 months before, you will bounce back and beat that record, I promise 
 I'm sending u a big virtual hug, stay strong
--- 72954495
>>72954041
i don't cry very often, but when i do it always helps to clear my mind and rids me of those awful emotions that i tried to supress. it's good you weren't able to hurt yourself and that you have such a good friend.
--- 72954588
>>72954458
whoops forgot to attach an image
silly me :p
--- 72954738
>>72954458
i dont feel bad, strangely. a bit because i dont wanna disappoint my friend. she rly want me to be happy but i seem incapable to be consistently happy for an extended period of time.
ahw thanks for the hug, i really do need it :3
>>72954588
hah, u short!
here, have sleepy silly bun
(\(\
( -.-)
o_(")(")
--- 72954814
>>72954738
you're welcome
>>72954738
>have sleepy silly bun
awww thanks for the bun ^^ 
here, have a kot 
`/\__/\`
(=^.^=)
`('') ('')__/
--- 72955367
xmdk bump vzlj
--- 72955836
>>72954361
>of course i do. why wouldn't i? 
just seems minuscule

>didn't pay attention when you wrote about your taste in music. if you mentioned that band then, that is.
actually if someone is a fan of that band, they will recognize the symbol on the jets stabilizer wing. you wouldnt have to know me.

I think im finally going to learn that piano synth whatever. This giant piece of musical instrument has been standing in my house for over half a year.
--- 72955924
>>72954361
>asl is a starcraft league, right?
yea. I'm on s11.
>when and how did you realize you were trans?
Idk. I went to a femboy nb cope now idk anymore. I have shit memory and don't know why i do most stuff. Had to forget childhood stuff so i have shit memory
--- 72956125
slumber time
I'm going to bed, goodnight friends
--- 72956300
i cut myself to fascia (muscle almost) again yesterday, i want to stop cutting but it is all i think about constantly. i think about coldnessinmyheart and repentforthysins a lot.
--- 72956641
>>72955836
>just seems minuscule
does it? you talk about it a lot and that made me remember something about my childhood, so it was easy to memorize for me. 

>actually if someone is a fan of that band, they will recognize the symbol on the jets stabilizer wing.
oh wow... i didn't even see that because my screen is so dark. talk about camouflage... but again: no clue. 

>you wouldnt have to know me.
yeah, maybe. but i want to. 

>I think im finally going to learn that piano synth whatever
have fun. how did you get a hold of that thing?

>>72955924
>yea. I'm on s11.
you are playing yourself? is there a way to watch your matches?

>Idk. I went to a femboy nb cope now idk anymore. I have shit memory and don't know why i do most stuff. Had to forget childhood stuff so i have shit memory
it's okay. we don't have to talk about that now, but if you ever want to, you can just tell me about it. i'm just curious. i'm more of a "living in the moment"-guy myself. 

>>72956125
good night, friend. i think i'll be heading to bed now as well. 

>>72956300
hm. if you want to stop but can't, you might want to ask for professional help. you can always come here and tell us about what's troubling you, but i don't know if that's enough to help with your urges.
--- 72956814
>>72954361
Manchmal im Sommer haben wir Rehe im garten und igel die im winter bei uns im Garten bleiben
--- 72956883
>>72954495
thanks anon. im crying a lot more than i used to now and it does help. i think if it wasnt for the fact i didnt have a razor on hand i wouldve killed myself or at least cut my arms heavily. my friend hugging me made me feel so much better it was insane. its crazy how far simple human contact can get you. i have a story about my repressed emotions and why its so hard for me to cry but i dont wanna blogpost. if someone wants to see it ill post it thought
--- 72957113
>>72956641
>yeah, maybe. but i want to.
how nice

>how did you get a hold of that thing?
its a long story but my dad always wondered if i ever wanted to play an instrument. i eventually said synth but i guess he saw it as piano so he played his trick of buying something expensive and over the top when no one was really asking for it. would be cool if it never made me so so dissatisfied with myself. guess Ill start kaworumaxing (playing that damn piano)
--- 72957145
>>72953672
>do you analyse your dreams often?
Shockingly, no. I usually just let them play out since I remember all of them, even the bad ones
>the pain will be gone at some point
A lot of it is already but most of my internal circumstances prolong the lingering feelings
>>72954041
Absolutely wonderful you have a friend like that, willing to help. Cherish them.
>>72956125
Have a nice rest
--- 72957151
>>72956814
ok, rehe haben wir hier tatsaechlich nicht, aber der ein oder andere igel ist schon bei uns durch den garten gestromert. wir haben auch ein bienenhaus aus hanfkalk im garten, das wilden honigbienen einen wohnraum anbieten soll. letztes jahr hatte sich da ein hornissenstaat haeuslich eingerichtet. war schon interessant zu beobachten. 

>>72956883
>my friend hugging me made me feel so much better it was insane. its crazy how far simple human contact can get you. 
we can pretend we don't need it, but we do.

>i have a story about my repressed emotions and why its so hard for me to cry but i dont wanna blogpost.
you can share with us whatever you are comfortable with. i'm very interested in your story, though i'll probably be asleep when you post it (it's about 3:00am here).
--- 72957699
>>72957113
>so he played his trick of buying something expensive and over the top when no one was really asking for it.
i think i see why he might have bought it, but i get your frustration with him. i want to say don't let it put pressure on you, but that not really an option, is it? maybe you'll end up enjoying it. who knows? just give it a go. good night, juuzouanon. see you around. 

>>72957145
>A lot of it is already but most of my internal circumstances prolong the lingering feelings
it's a start. i want to ask you what internal circumstances you mean, but i can't keep my eyes open any longer. good night to you as well, anon. see you, too.
--- 72958387
>you can always come here and tell us about what's troubling you, but i don't know if that's enough to help with your urges. 

maybe. i feel a sick desperation to talk to people about the cutting but i can never find someone who feels about it the same way i do so its difficult. I wish my friends spoke to me about it instead of wanting me to cut infront of them
--- 72958498
>>72957151
Ja verbring viel zeit in der Natur wenns warm wird aber irgendwie will ich auch mit freunden abhaengen aber hab nur zwei wird irgendwie einsam
--- 72958504
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O78chJKzpRM [Embed]
--- 72958519
Do psychedelics 

Like LSD

every cut is an almighty transcendent ward. 
Enjoy the truth, always.
--- 72958997
posted this in a groupchat, feel both proud and disgusted
--- 72959734
ok i think im going to bed now /cut/ see you in the morning
--- 72959740
>>72938968 (OP)
Im playing deepwoken bro, shit is tight.
--- 72959833
>>72957151
>comfortable with. i'm very interested in your story, 
okay, so here goes
when i was little like in first grade or so i was short and not good at sports and also cried easily so it didnt take long for my classmates to call me a sissy faggot. this continued all the way till 6th grade so that whenever i cried my life was living hell because of the insults. since around 4th grade i was repressing my emotions about everything including my own identity i just asked like i should so people will like me or at least not make fun of me. when i grew my first facial hair i refused to shave it or whatever because it was my proof that i was a man and not some crybaby sissy fag. it was awful i cried very often just outside of view and eventually i just could cry at all for a while. i continued acting in a way that people wouldnt make fun of me. i eventually found a group of friends who were fun to hang out to and with a couple of exceptions had never called me a sissy fag or a crybaby apart from just making fun of each other as friends. i finally started to notice that maybe i could actually be myself with them. one of them eventually came out as trans and everyone was chill with it. a little while after that i finally noticed i could really be myself with these people so ive just been lettiing everything i repressed and all my feelings get expressed for once in years. i could barely cry for the past 2 years or so even though i was sad i only cried at really intense fights. that in part resulted in cutting as a way to let it our which hasnt been my best choice by a long shot at least now i know theres people who will accept me for who i am instead of who im supposed to be to accomodate their choices. i came out as pansexual once i realized that i wouldnt be bullied into oblivion ror it. i feel so much better being able to be like this even if it has its moments. lately i think though i may be a closeted tranny cuz reasons but character limit i can continue if you want
--- 72960107
Checking in... whats good... 12 beers deep rn
--- 72960321
oh. threads still up. good morning, everyone.

>>72958387
>i feel a sick desperation to talk to people about the cutting but i can never find someone who feels about it the same way i do so its difficult.
i have to admit that i don't selfharm, but even though i don't, i was welcomed here with open arms, which i am very grateful for. i might not fully understand the way you feel about cutting, but i'm sure that other people here can relate. 

>I wish my friends spoke to me about it instead of wanting me to cut infront of them
that seems like an awful thing to ask of you. why do your friends want you to do that? maybe you should talk to someone outside of your friendgroup about your issues. and please, when the urge arises and you don't have anyone to talk to irl, just come here.

>>72958498
fuer mich war die menge der freunde nie entscheidend. ich hatte immer nur eine handvoll. in der letzten zeit sind es mehr geworden, aber ich habe auch meine einstellung geaendert. und mit dem thread hier sind noch mal ein paar dazugekommen. hoffe, du zaehlst mich bald auch zu deinen freunden. 

>>72959734
sleep tight, anon. 

>>72959833
thank you for sharing. that means a lot. i think a lot of boys went to similar experiences, where you have to lock your emotions up or lash out violently. 

>i eventually found a group of friends who were fun to hang out to and with a couple of exceptions had never called me a sissy fag or a crybaby apart from just making fun of each other as friends. 
your friends seem like very good people. i'm happy that you found them and that you can finally be yourself and express your emotions. 

>but character limit i can continue if you want
please do. i have to get up now and will be bit busy throughout the day, so i don't know when i'll be able to reply.
--- 72960335
>>72960321
Danke Yu und ja zaehle dich gerne zu meinen freunden haha
--- 72960502
>>72957699
Internal circumstances being apprehension to commitment from pronlonged failures, as stupid as that sounds. I just want some skill to bring me joy ;_;
I hope you had a good rest, because I didn't
>>72958387
If they want you to do it in front of them, that sounds pretty abusive. I would be cautious around them because that is not right
--- 72961114
>>72956641
>you are playing yourself? is there a way to watch your matches?
Nah i'm poor so no pc and i can't save up on the temp disability i'm on so yea, can't really play unless someone gives me an old pc
--- 72961272
>>72960502
Pleas rest a bit more your body needs it and pleas don't beat yourself up over not being "good" at a skill. That may seem so in your eyes but all that matters is that you have fun
--- 72961383
>>72960107
Hi jackoffanon :)
--- 72961592
bsue bump ehsb
--- 72961706
>>72951685
>>72950307
>>72950926

>is sleeping boring to you? why? 
nah its that my life is boring so i do stuff like this to keep myself entertained i also id this but instead of nosleep it was no water so i didnt drink for 2 1/2 days 

well i failed, i was lisening to some music and my brain just turned of, i think i passed out or something like that because it didnt feel as sleep at all, when i woke up it was 2 am and then i just said fuck it and slept till 9 
the only hallucinations i had was hearing my younger sister downstairs while she was away

>>72958519
psych are cool but goddamn your a stereotype
drugs are fine if you do them safely and dont fall into the pit of hard drugs (or pyros) 
dissos are also good if your looking for a distraction

these threads are getting big
--- 72962581
Haii guys!!
Today's such a good day
I had a very nice sleep, then when I've woken up I went to the store and noticed that strawberries (my favorite) are on a massive discount so I bought tons on them
Now I'm eating them and when I'm done with them I will go on my first bike ride this year because the weather is beautiful 
I hope all of you are having a great day as well ^^ 
happy caturday btw
--- 72962731
>>72961706
>no water so i didnt drink for 2 1/2 days
this makes me frown >:l 
drink water!!! 
>well i failed
>i just said fuck it and slept till 9
very good, I'm glad to know your instincts will keep you form doing dangerous suff like that 
over all how would you rate your nosleep experience?
do you think about trying it again?
--- 72962784
>>72958997
marry me and i will luv and ptrotect you forever
--- 72962817
>>72962581
hey catposter, im glad youre feeling so wonderful

I think i need help. I am in this most anxious stage of a relationship where i want to be hers so much but she is also always talking to other guys. Like. . . even right now she said to me she is gaming with a friend. Last time we talked about this, she asked if i was restricting her from talking to other people, and said i should seek therapy and that she would help. But i dont get it, my worries are justified, how can i believe those guys arent out there wanting to fuck her if thats practically what happens every time a male and a female start getting close. i cant word this out. It is draining. and i cant meet her again for 2 weeks (explanation earlier in the thread).
--- 72962821
>>72962581
hi catbro. sounds lovely. so you fixed your bike, i assume. have a beautiful day. and tell me all about your ride, when you're back home.
--- 72962829
>>72962817
yeah, forgot about the picrel, sorry
--- 72962959
>>72962821
Hihi spiel als smt nocturne hab jetzt endlich die speicherkarte bekommen und kann spieln
--- 72963026
>>72962817
Hello o/
I think considering that she probably knows her friends longer than she knows you and she trusts them, her reaction is justified (maybe the seeking therapy part is a bit over the top)
>thats practically what happens every time a male and a female start getting close.
I don't think that's true 
You shouldn't worry about her friends being sexually interested in her, if that was the case these people wouldn't be her friends (also her friends might be gay) 
And if we play devil's advocate, even if some of her friends were interested in her she wouldn't cheat on you

>>72962821
Hii yua 
Thank you 
I love that you always pick the right pictures that fit what you're talking about
--- 72963481
>>72960335
das freut mich.

>>72962959
viel spass damit. dann bist du ja heute beschaeftigt. kommt da nicht auch dante drin vor?

>>72960502
>as stupid as that sounds. I just want some skill to bring me joy ;_;
it doesn't sound stupid. being joyless has been the baseline for my existence for so long, sometimes it's hard for me to imagine that it can be different. i was playing a new game with a group of friends one evening. i really liked it and one of my friends said: "i think i have to process seeing him actually having fun with a game for once". same goes for skills and other stuff of course. i don't know. keep trying, i guess, as disheartening as it may be. you'll find something that sticks someday. 

>I hope you had a good rest, because I didn't
eh. it was alright, but that was my own fault for staying up and in this thread for far too long. got a few hours of sleep and was able to somehow stumble through a workout and a little jog. what kept you up?

>>72961114
>Nah i'm poor so no pc and i can't save up on the temp disability i'm on so yea, can't really play unless someone gives me an old pc
shucks. haven't had a pc in years now. just wasn't interested for several reasons. don't even know where i'd put it. 

>>72961706
oi sludge! honestly, i'm relieved your body gave in. 

>these threads are getting big
the more the merrier!

>>72963026
>I love that you always pick the right pictures that fit what you're talking about
haha, i'm glad you like it. i didn't think the show would give me so much to work with. it's fun, but it takes a bit to determine a good one. i have to rewatch it to see if there is more.
--- 72963717
>>72962581
Glad to hear you're having a good one!

>>72963481
>you'll find something that sticks someday
I've done so much looking, but I always go back onto the roundabout and wanting to learn to draw or speak German. And I fail at both, so the cycle repeats. Maybe I can still learn German on my own, but it's impossible to find an art mentor in my field (last time I asked on how to find one I was laughed at)

>what kept you up?
Lengthy "nap" in the day, borderline nightmare where I outsmarted the twat by... waking up. Not very groggy, but not energetic. I would hope that you're doing well
--- 72964293
peage 7 bump
--- 72964348
What was Helvetica's last post? I think I missed general 55 or 54 and I haven't seen him in a bit
--- 72964424
>>72963717
>I always go back onto the roundabout and wanting to learn to draw or speak German.
so you have your goals set. that's good, i think. you just need to find the right way. i remember bob ross talking about how much he wanted to paint, but traditional painting was pure agony for him. then he found that "wet-on-wet" oil painting technique and he could finally do what he wanted in a way that was enjoyable to him. so i think we are back at what tools you are using. i'll dig around for a way to learn german. maybe i'll find something. maybe i should ask a friend. he's a teacher, after all...

>but it's impossible to find an art mentor in my field (last time I asked on how to find one I was laughed at)
why would they laugh at you? are teachers that rare where you live? 

>Lengthy "nap" in the day
yeah, i really try to avoid those. they just don't do me any good. 

>where I outsmarted the twat by... waking up.
why did you need to outsmart a twat? ^^

>I would hope that you're doing well
thank you. don't me being overly dramatic. i'm fine, just a bit tired. as always. 

and don't fret, mein freund. we'll find something that'll bring you closer to your goals.
--- 72964644
>>72964424
You don't have to ask around for me, I appreciate it, I do, but you're under no obligation to

>are teachers that rare where you live?
For trying to learn the "anime" style or even cartoonish yes, I'm from a more rural area that isn't known much for it's art or schools

>why did you need to outsmart a twat?
She was trying to incriminate me for something I didn't do :P

I appreciate you being there, it's been a slow day
--- 72964658
Pls cut so I can masturbate
--- 72964796
>>72964348
that was his last post
>>72897352 →
I hope he comes back soon 

>>72964644
>I appreciate you being there, it's been a slow day
seconding this
Yuanon is MVP!
--- 72964841
>>72962731
>over all how would you rate your nosleep experience?
pretty entertaining 6/10

>do you think about trying it again?
maybe in a few days because sleep is pretty nice i realize 
glad you had a good one

>>72963481

>oi sludge!
hey yuanon

thread gonna die pretty soon 
i ordered the shiver collection from junji ito because ppl told me that was the best one looking forward to reading it 
i also reviewed a album and actually posted it 
i took up doing laundry for my mom since shes busy, going to london with her in 2 weeks 
everytime i look my scars i hate myself a little more and because of that i want to slice myself open again 
fucking moodswings man 
i dont know, have a great evening everyone
--- 72965004
>>72956300
Hello little nigga. Praise hitler nigga
--- 72965190
what the hell 9_9
--- 72965312
>>72964644
>You don't have to ask around for me, I appreciate it, I do, but you're under no obligation to
no, but i'd like to. i'll just ask him next time we see each other. might take a few days though. 

>I'm from a more rural area that isn't known much for it's art or schools
i see. so you are on your own in that regard. you seem to be dodging my question, though. or maybe i'm just not blunt enough. are you drawing traditional or digital?

>She was trying to incriminate me for something I didn't do :P
what a bitch...

>>72964644
>>72964796
>I appreciate you being there, it's been a slow day
>seconding this Yuanon is MVP!
awww... thanks, guys. i just like spending time with you all. 

how was your ride?

>>72964841
>i ordered the shiver collection from junji ito because ppl told me that was the best one looking forward to reading it
tell me what you thought of it when you are done with it. have fun. 

>i also reviewed a album and actually posted it
can i read that review somewhere? i'd be up for it.

>i took up doing laundry for my mom since shes busy, going to london with her in 2 weeks
you're going to a concert, weren't you? 

>fucking moodswings man
those hit me pretty hard as well. don't be to hard on yourself. you've got some nice stuff to look forward to. and you know what? you've earned it.

>have a great evening everyone
you too, sludge.
--- 72965391
>>72965312
>traditional or digital?
I'm dumb LOL, did not realise you were asking that. I want to learn both, since I don't think it would make very much difference for what I want to make. Would send examples but I'm not going to clog up the thread
--- 72965468
>>72965312
>how was your ride?
I decided to not go for one today
I just went to the garage to change the breaking fluid and take apart and clean the wheels 
Ultimately it want a good decision to not go becouse around 19:00 (7pm) is started raining 

>>72965391
>Would send examples but I'm not going to clog up the thread
you can "clog up the thread" all you want
it's okay :3
--- 72965645
>>72965190
i'm only surprised that didn't happen sooner.

>>72965391
>did not realise you were asking that.
well, i wasn't asking, i just left it as a hook for conversation, so it's my fault, really. 

>I want to learn both, since I don't think it would make very much difference for what I want to make.
you think so? hm. have you tried focussing on one? i'd think of them as adjacent, but you are still trying to learn two skills at once, prolonging the time it takes to master either. 

>Would send examples but I'm not going to clog up the thread
please do. i'd love to see your art. i'm sure nobody will mind.

>>72965468
>I decided to not go for one today
really smart of you to spread the fun over several days and not just use it up all at once. ^^ but now your bike is well prepared and ready to go. don't let the poor thing wait too long.
--- 72965657
>>72965645
Aye ich spiel schon 5 stunden durch wo is die zeit hin
--- 72966067
>>72965657
die ist gut investiert.
--- 72966107
>>72966067
Denke nach ob ich meinen besten freund anrufe und frage ob wir was mache wollen haben uns seit 2 jahren nich mehr gesehen
--- 72966184
>>72966107
das hoert sich nach einer tollen idee an, aber ich bin da vielleicht gerade etwas voreingenommen. habt ihr euch auseinander gelebt?
--- 72966419
>>72966184
Schon ein wenig Kontakt nich mehr wirklich gehalten will ihn nich runter ziehn weils mir seit monaten nich gut geht
--- 72966827
>>72966419
hm. ich kenne deinen freund natuerlich nicht und weiss nicht, wie er die situation empfindet, aber wenn du wieder mit ihm in kontakt kommen moechtest, solltest du es versuchen. hatte auch eine zeit, in der ich bereit war, meine freundschaften aufzugeben. ich hatte fuer einige zeit erfolglos versucht, den kontakt aufrecht zu halten, bis ich nach einem jahr keinen sinn mehr gesehen hatte. zum glueck haben dann beide von sich aus wieder kontakt gesucht und jetzt ist es eigentlich wie frueher. das wuerde ich dir auf jeden fall auch wuenschen.
--- 72967246
>>72965312

>tell me what you thought of it when you are done with it. have fun.
will do

can i read that review somewhere? i'd be up for it.

its pending but it will be on metal archives when its approved 
just search for a band named man must die go to their recent album ''the pain behind it all'' and go to reviews

>you're going to a concert, weren't you?
yea hellripper

> don't be to hard on yourself. you've got some nice stuff to look forward to. and you know what? you've earned it
thanks man, was close to cut again a few moments ago, these threads help

when i check again this thread will brob be dead so gn everyone 
ill try to sleep a bit more early today
--- 72967326
>>72967246
good night and sleep well. see you tomorrow.
--- 72967346
hiya /cut/ woke up a few hours ago but forgot to say hi! how is everyone thats still awake? :3
--- 72967378
>>72967246
>so gn everyone
>ill try to sleep a bit more early today
sleep tight sludge
--- 72967395
>>72967346
hi hi
I'm good, rn I'm chillin in bed 
How are you doing?
--- 72967542
>>72967346
hoi. i'm fine and, like bestbro over here >>72967395, chilling in my bed. it's dangerously comfy and i can hear the rain, so the chances of me dozing off are quite high.
--- 72967857
>>72967346
Attempting to make something that doesn't look like bad to show Mr. Yuanon (and going to add some examples of whag I want my art to be)
--- 72968096
>>72965645
I'm very sorry, but I just can't upload anything. I tried sketching a simple character but even fucking then I had to make a lot of attempts and got angry because it looked worse than before ;_;

A lot of what I've posted is similar to what I want to make, also think mid-noughties Touhou art, Gen 2 and 3 Pokemon character art as well as the manga up to BW, late 90s anime such as Lain Gainax Perfect Blue Ghost in the Shell mixed with some of the more inventive western stuff like Scott Pilgrim and Ongezellig (yes I enjoyed that, it is to date the only Dutch native animation I watched without subtitles, cry about it)

Genuinely, I will never be able to make anything satisfactory, I hate how everyone is born with the ability to do/make/achieve wonderful things- except for myself. Seeing people not even adults yet making bloody masterpieces and calling them "silly little doodles" makes me so unfathomably angry, because even with grinding I will never be able to hit the low bar that I've been trying for years

For christs sake I need pain and need it now, I can't stand my inability to do a single thing
--- 72968241
>>72968096
don't sweat it anon, it's okay
>making bloody masterpieces and calling them "silly little doodles"
I think it's because they don't take it as seriously as you, they just do it for the fun of it regardless if the result is good or not
Also it seems that artists are never satisfied with what they make and that's why they don't see it as "masterpieces" and I think you're like that too 
I'm sure your drawings don't look as bad as you think
--- 72968349
>>72968241
A nine year old could do better, I can't stand this anymore, being locked out of entire careers because I can't use my hands properly, I need a fucking live in master to show me how to do this, but I'd never find one willing to put up with my spastic self or even one at all

I want to be able to make things that make me happy, bring my fucking characters to life, but thank god I was born with a unique disability preventing me from learning any bloody thing
--- 72968427
>>72968349
>A nine year old could do better
oh anon you are silly
I genuinely believe you're not bad, you just put yourself down too much
Look at this cute cat video and calm down a little
--- 72968548
I really think you just expet too much from yourself
But maybe not, maybe you are genuinely bad
if so maybe you should try other forms of art like computer 3d stuff, music, sculpting
or maybe just try to accept yourself and find happiness in the little things
I'm rooting for you

another cute cat video incoming !!
this one is sleepy, just like me right now
I think I'll hit the hay
goodnight friend

>>72967542
I assume you went to sleep as well
gute nacht yuanon ^^
--- 72968557
>>72968548
I forgot to (you) you >>72968349
--- 72968599
Have quite a bit of work to do for uni as the semester draws closer to its end. Wish I had good study habits. Grade school and high school were so braindead boring that I never bothered formulating study habits.
Cut myself yesterday, the most cuts I've ever done. Just really felt like crap, I think I overinteracted with people and got anxious from the semester ending. Had a beautiful sunset through the window and Radiohead (I know, faggy) playing. Cuts all over my left wrist and below the shoulder. Felt nice until today, I feel rough, to say the least. Plus, the weather is gray and bleh, which doesn't help. 

>>72941538
I've been self reflecting in a method such as this, analyzing one's childhood. I have found it refreshing for me. I hope it is the same for you.

>>72942348
I'm glad that your day then was amazing. I hope the attitude stays positive!

>>72945700
I can get where you're coming from. Everyday tasks often make me feel like I'm wasting my time that could be spent doing fun shit. I like the way you communicate your thoughts, I can tell you are a smart fellos. Best wishes, thank you for sharing.

To all of the regulars, thank you all very much for the good threads. I forever appreciate it.
--- 72968624
the scab to my burn fell off and i dont know where :(
its kinda really important to me and i lost it and im a bit sad over it
--- 72968743
>>72968599
I know I said I'm going to sleep but I'll reply to you anyway

>Had a beautiful sunset through the window and Radiohead (I know, faggy)
Don't say it's faggy, you enjoy whatever you want and as long as it doesn't hurt anybody it's good
I hope you get more enjoyable moments like these (without the cutting of course)
and less stressful anxious moments 
I hope you don't get overwhelmed and overworked with uni stuff 
Have a nice life, luv you ^^ 

okay now I am fr fr, no cap, on g, going to sleep
goodnight :3 

>>72968624
sad over a scab 
you're a strange fellow but I hope you find it soon
actually, why is it so important?
--- 72969014
nehs bump lsdb
--- 72969389
im not leting this thread die
--- 72969806
>why do your friends want you to do that? maybe you should talk to someone outside of your friendgroup about your issues. 

i think they are just fascinated by it / how deep i can go. they have said they will help if i want to stop but that was a while ago and now it feels like i am drowning in my urges. i cant say too much as they know i posted here. maybe on the next thread i will vent more, it would be nice to finally talk to someone about it
--- 72970298
Does anyone here burn?
--- 72970792
>>72960321
>please do.
okay so here goes. 
as i said i was always called a sissy. ever since i was little i did "girly" things and i got picked on and sometimes bullied for it. i wasnt good and didnt like sports too so for small kids that automatically makes you a girl. that kind of thing continued for years. i had to change how i behaved and pay attention to what i did all the time so i didnt get picked on. ive always had a habit of sitting with my legs crossed and of course i got picked on. i liked digging in the dirt so one time i closed my hand and turned it to check my nails i kid you not some kid called me a girl for looking at my hands like that. at that point it wasnt even about really girly things, just anything that could be considered girly that i did was enough. i was also pretty quick to cry, and of course thats girly too so yea. due to that i had to repress a lot of emotions and things i did. eventually i became almost unable to cry and i checked everything i did before i did it so it was "okay". this gave me extreme social anxiety and it made me scared of mainly men because of that. i had suppressed these "girly" behaviors and i basically convinced myself to hate that kind of thing as a way to forget it and stop doing it. not too long after that full suppression that made me a bit homophobic and transphobic as a defense mechanism i met this friend who i said was trans. i already had a friend group and they didnt and never had told me any of those things so i felt a bit safer around them. after a while when this friend came out and everyone accepted it, it took a few years and a lot of thinking and remembering to see the root of the problem until just around now, where i finally discovered the root of this and now i accpet myself for who i am. i still have trauma and a lot of my behavior is influenced by those things but i feel like myself now and i can finally start questioning those things without being afraid of others. i wish i wasnt a man.
--- 72971649
zsdzazd bump abdsamc
--- 72971751
good morning, everyone!

>>72967857
>>72968096
>>72968349
don't be sorry. there's no need for you apologize to me for anything. ever. i didn't want you to feel bad about yourself or to put any pressure on you. i just wanted to connect with you over the stuff you like and help you out, if i'm able to, but just having you here, talking about whatever comes to mind is more than enough.
you have great taste btw. and ongezellig is awesome. 

>I hate how everyone is born with the ability to do/make/achieve wonderful things- except for myself.
i can't do anything creative either. i've been trying to build and paint armies for miniature wargaming for years now and never finished a single one. my friends want to do it, so i go along, but i would have given up and sold that stuff years ago. i just can't keep myself motivated. 

it made me very happy that you tried to draw something for me, even if it didn't come out the way you wanted and you couldn't share it. thank you. please don't be so hard on yourself, ok?

>>72968548
>I assume you went to sleep as well
gute nacht yuanon ^^
dzien dobry, my friend. and yes. i was headed for dreamland right after posting that.
--- 72972504
>>72969806
>i think they are just fascinated by it / how deep i can go.
ok, i think i can relate to that somewhat.

>they have said they will help if i want to stop but that was a while ago and now it feels like i am drowning in my urges.
they probably meant it. i'm sure you can still take them up on their offer, if you want to.

>maybe on the next thread i will vent more, it would be nice to finally talk to someone about it
you're always welcome to share what's bothering you. see you around. 

>>72959833
>>72970792
>now i accpet myself for who i am. i still have trauma and a lot of my behavior is influenced by those things but i feel like myself now and i can finally start questioning those things without being afraid of others.
i'm happy you've overcome that inner and outer struggle and that you now can accept yourself for who you are. your struggles probably aren't over, but you are on a good path. i wish you all the strength you need to become who you want to be and leave that trauma behind. 

>i wish i wasnt a man.
i've given that a lot of thought as well. i'm male. i don't have a problem with that, but i never were able to see myself as a "man" as society defines it. that was all the more apparent the more i failed at achieving what a man is supposed to achieve in his life. you talk about being "pansexual" or a "tranny", but these labels always felt so... dehumanizing to me. as if you were only allowed access to certain behaviors, mannerisms and feelings that are tied to these labels, instead of those being basic human behavior that is open to anyone. male, female or whatever. i never wanted to restrict myself in that way. sure, these things are useful to communicate your preferences to others, but that's about it. in the end i decided to be "nothing". just me. it was nice when i found the character "someone" from "shimanami tasogare". someone who was just able to be themself, no strings attached. made me feel less alone.
--- 72973240
morning bump
>orginal
--- 72973462
>>72973240
good morning, sludge. thanks for the bump. did you sleep well?
--- 72973627
This morning (afternoon?) on Top Gear, I manage to get seven hours of sleep, I cannot think of anything funny

>>72971751
>please don't be so hard on yourself, ok?
Being lenient with myself means nothing gets done, being hard gets an outcome, even if it isn't the best one, but it isn't as if my outcome will ever change sooooo
--- 72973700
I don't self harm but I mentally beat myself all the time and stay trapped in depressive episodes can I stay here
--- 72973779
>>72973700
Yes! You don't have to cut just for us to support you just don't be a dick
--- 72973925
>>72973462
>did you sleep well?
decent
gonna be a boring day 
and my review is still not reviewed goddamn
--- 72974035
I'm trying to figure out how to break it to my psychiatrist that I'm fairly sure I'm trans. probably shouldn't leave out that I started cutting again, I've been really overwhelmed cause my antidepressants stopped working.

god I wish I had a hot guy call me a good girl while I suck on his balls
--- 72974153
>>72973627
>This morning (afternoon?) on Top Gear
is top gear stil running? i only watched it for the three stooges. ^^

>Being lenient with myself means nothing gets done, being hard gets an outcome, even if it isn't the best one, but it isn't as if my outcome will ever change sooooo
oh well, if it really is the same outcome, beating yourself up over it is even more pointless, isn't it? but if it gets results when you need, you do you. you've still got plenty of time to be a creatively unfulfilled dunce like me later. i checked out languageapps. i was pretty overwhelmed by the sheer amount and they all seem to be based on a monthly subscription, which i personally don't like, but whatever. thinking about how you might get more for your money, i thought about max miller. the guy has a show called tasting history, where he cooks historical recipes and gives a little insight on the period the dish is from. great show, love the guy, but what i also remembered was that he is sponsored by wondrium, a learning focussed streaming service with courses on a whole slew of topics. it has a german language course and probably something on drawing as well. there's a free trial and you can get discounts all over the place. mabye check that out?

>>72973700
just kick back and relax. i'm sure your emotional support cat will arrive later today. enjoy your stay!

>>72973925
>decent
nice

>gonna be a boring day
you need those as well, so you can really enjoy the eventful ones. life needs ups and downs, otherwise it's a flatline. 

>and my review is still not reviewed
drat. tell me when it's up, ok? still have to get through that no more heroes review though. only watched the part about the first game.
--- 72974212
>>72974035
>I'm trying to figure out how to break it to my psychiatrist that I'm fairly sure I'm trans. probably shouldn't leave out that I started cutting again
i'm pretty sure you can just tell 'em. they're a professional, after all. tell them what's on your mind. when's your appointment? 

>god I wish I had a hot guy call me a good girl
well... uhm... here... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CJS0HFMFfk&pp=ygUSY296eSBjdWIgZ29vZCBnaXJs [Embed]

don't know about that spoiler part though. best of luck with that. ^^
--- 72974267
>>72974153
Top Gear as we knew it ceased in 2015 when they decided not to renew Clarkson's contract. It continued after with new presenters but no one watched it. The three bumbling idiots have another show in a virtually identical format called "The Grand Tour" on Amazon. A lot higher budget and it's a fun watch ^_^

>based on a monthly subscription
Most of them are now, yes, since they try to treat it as a service to learn a language. All of them are cut-paste the same thing as the next, equally as ineffective. I'd consider a subscription, but I cannot learn well with a video alone, I tried that with French and it went in one ear out the other as normal. 

>if it really is the same outcome, beating yourself up over it is even more pointless, isn't it?
Of course, since there is no way to reroute the strings of neurons in my mind to allow me to show some progress. My mind has been static for years, and any time I get the urge to make something I nearly cry because I cannot. It's gotten to the point that I'm beginning to loathe those born with the ability to learn. Have you known of a single master artist, animator, or cartoonist who didn't learn early in life by the grace of God? I know not. My only option is art uni, which is gatekept as despite being where you're supposed to learn, they expect you to go into it knowing how to BE A FUCKING MASTER ALREADY. This is hopeless. I may as well go back to being a hiki and rot away as miserably as possible
--- 72974626
>>72974267
>Top Gear as we knew it ceased in 2015
i'm watching the grand tour and clarkson's farm as well. where else can i find people stup... i mean, brave enough to play chicken with a wall. top tier tv entertainment. a friend of mine told that clarkson got himself canceled again? hope not...

>but I cannot learn well with a video alone
same. theoretical knowledge and the application of that knowledge are completely different skillsets and knowing one doesn't automatically translate to being good at the other. i need to be shown and to be allowed to learn hands on. i have no patience for the theory anymore.

>since there is no way to reroute the strings of neurons in my mind to allow me to show some progress
that's not entirely true, i think. synapses strengthen (decision in favor of something) and weaken (decision against something) all the time, but you need new information to change a behavior. you can't act on knowledge you don't have. that's why i was suggesting to search for other techniques. you might just be missing that crucial piece of information. 

>It's gotten to the point that I'm beginning to loathe those born with the ability to learn. 
some people might be born with it, but i think the ability to learn is mostly nurtured early or aquired through hard work. a lot of naturally smart and talented people struggle later in life, because they never needed to build up the patience to learn or to put in the work. 

>which is gatekept as despite being where you're supposed to learn, they expect you to go into it knowing how to BE A FUCKING MASTER ALREADY.
they need you to know, because they can't teach you anymore. the masters are gone. i read this quote from a guy who was searching for animators for the studio he wanted to build. long story short: he couldn't find any. most of the students didn't want to put in the work and the teachers, after being pressed, admited they didn't know how to teach what was needed. the knowledge is gone. i'll look it up.
--- 72974842
>>72974626
>clarkson got cancelled again?
They tried to over some comments he made about Meghan Markle, a person the British people already do not like. Needless to say, not too much came from it other than a load of whining and false inferences that his show would be cancelled.
>you can't act on kmowledge you don't have
Because there are no means for me to gain said knowledge in the first place.
>they need you to know, because they can't teach you anymore...they didn't know how to teach what was needed.
Then how is this knowledge passed on, how do people "learn" to do it in the first place? Why can a random sixteen year old girl who failed all of her courses learn to draw things wonderfully, yet no one else can? There has to be some kind of conspiracy going on, to prevent those deemed not worthy for whatever reason from learning how to make themselves happy (or I'm just deluded, but it does feel that way often).

I've been obsessed about this for going on six years, and I don't think it will end pretty (I really love the drawing I embedded, but even with that I begin to feel envious and spiteful)
--- 72975142
Tonight was really bad. they spoke to me about the cutting but they said they would stop being friends with me if i didnt stop. I want to kill myself so badly they told me to stop telling them everytime im suicidal because they are sick of hearing it. I wish things were different, they keep sending photos and videos of me no matter how many times i tell them to stop
--- 72975173
>>72974212
it's on wednesday. I just...haven't talked about it irl ever, and once my antidepressants started masking those feelings I figured, well maybe I'll just take them forever and not worry about it any more. but that's no longer working so...

(and yeah that video is unironically my thing haha)
--- 72975333
Hello everyone :3 
I'm on a bike ride rn! and made a stop to reply to some of you

>>72970298
rarely

>>72973240
mornin sludge o/ 

>>72973700
>can I stay here
of course! :D 
you don't have to cut to be here, it's just a comfy space for people to talk about stuff (doesn't even have to be sh related)
You are welcome here, feel free to vent or just chat with ppl
Like that other anon said, just don't be mean

>>72974035
I have no experience with psychiatrist but can't you just tell them that? 
>I've been thinking about this for a while and I suspect I might be trans 
Good luck

>>72975142
these people sounds terrible, expecting you to get better without offering any support 
I think they will only make your mental state worse
I know it's not easy but maybe you should find some new ones


Okay, imma continue my trip
see you soon frens ^^
--- 72975944
>>72975333
>>I've been thinking about this for a while and I suspect I might be trans
yeah I'll probably go with something like that. just, putting it down in text where I have time to think about it is one thing, actually talking about it is just kinda daunting. but I know I need to do it eventually. thank you for the well wishes, I hope your trip is nice and enjoyable.
--- 72976572
ebdh bump ehsv
--- 72977249
Bump it, twist it, pull it
--- 72977317
>>72974153
> so you can really enjoy the eventful ones
i dont really have eventfull days, i waste away in my room doing jack shit, a life of inaction and a utter disappointment to my family, if only i was different 

>drat. tell me when it's up, ok? 
got rejected, i reread it after and yea its pretty much a pile of shit

i also want to apologize for treating you guys as a therapist, everyone got their own shit to deal with,
--- 72977918
>>72977317
No worries man, we're here whenever you need it
--- 72977938
>>72977317
>i also want to apologize for treating you guys as a therapist, everyone got their own shit to deal with
don't be sorry, among other things that's what this general is for
it even says in the title 
>mutual support
we're here for you mate
--- 72978530
endu bump xyen
--- 72979024
>>72977249
boop it !
--- 72979168
Hi from /biz/ and /tg/. 
Don't cut yourselves please.
Trust me, despair and loneliness can be far more intense than you expect, as anyone from my boards will attest.
Harming your vessel is not going to cure anything, it will simply make you feel like you're doing SOMETHING, which is what your brain needs.
Try literally anything else, please.
I almost lost myself to this 20 years ago, and I just lost someone 2 weeks ago to the same hazard.
You will be missed, but you cannot come back.
Please stay with us.
Don't touch the grass, just absorb the same sunlight that the grass does.
Look at the sky, even on cloudy days.
There is so much out there, if you have the spark to go look for it.
I love you. 
Please survive.
--- 72979391
i have fresh-ish cuts on my forearm and we have a medical checkup at school tomorrow, so the nurse will see them. im screwed. i forgot about this shit when i cut so i cut my arm instead of like thighs which i can hide no matter what cuz it just feels a lot better
i hate myself
--- 72979403
>>72979391
Just skip, idiot
--- 72979546
>>72979391
is there a way you can avoid the checkup?
also do they check your wrist as a part of the checkup?