conversation id,subreddit,post title,author,dialog turn,text,compound,sentiment,emotion prediction 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",speaker,1,"So I'm a single, 21 year old college dropout, from Montana that doesn't have a terrible life but also not a great one. My parents have told me multiple times that I'm a failure and a loser, I've worked the same damn job for 5 years and have gotten nowhere, after one particular girl I'm terrified of relationships and my future is looking pretty empty. I have no goals or anything to look forward to and I feel like I'm just floating through life. I've become decently depressed and so I smoke a pack a day and drink more often than not. I've thought about suicide a few times. Whenever I'm driving down a road sometimes I take my seatbelt off hoping someone will crash into me. Sometimes I just imagine how easy it would be just to veer off the road or into oncoming traffic and see if I survive. Once in awhile, like tonight, I'll park in my garage with the doors closed and leave it running until I feel the effects of the carbon monoxide filling my garage, then I jump out of my car and stand outside. I have awesome friends, but just the regular day to day life of waking up, working, drinking and then going to bed everyday is driving me into depression and frustration. I figure if I make my death seem like an accident then I won't feel so guilty and people won't blame themselves. I never thought I'd be depressed in a million years but here I am. ",-0.9909,negative,lonely 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",listener_1,2,After reading some of this I just want to drop a line.. Your parents might have born and raised you but there just older kids... Try to think of it like that theres no real thing as a grown up.. Look for jobs everywhere you can once you get something going try to move up in positions. Managers will notice if you are weirdly enthusiastic and love it.,0.8537,positive,suggesting 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",speaker,3,"I like the parents being older kids idea. I just don't get how ""floating"" through life is making me sit in my car pretending to kill myself. It's so confusing but I know it's there. ",-0.3911,negative,terrified 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",listener_2,4,That was an amazing post that will never get the attention it deserves. Thanks. I came here on a whim and now a feel better. Depression is a sometimes daily struggle for me and has been for about a decade at least. Thank you. ,0.7269,positive,grateful 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",speaker,5,Bozeman,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1,depressed,"I obviously can't tell anyone I actually know this, but I need somewhere to let it all out and this is the place. ",speaker,6,Thank you. I really appreciate it. After work I'm applying for a new job and looking for a new apartment. I gotta shake this depression. Wish me luck man,0.6271,positive,wishing 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,speaker,1,"I have always been depressed and normally I can shrug it off, however, I am feeling insignificant, untalented, uninteresting, and depressed (obviously) tonight, and can't seem to pick myself up. Anything would do: a conversation, a compliment, a joke, a cute or funny picture. Any help?",0.6597,positive,lonely 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,listener_1,2,PM me if you want a conversation,0.0772,positive,questioning 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,speaker,3,Haha. Why hello.,0.4588,positive,questioning 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,listener_2,4,I thought they were going to say weed. Is thy racist?,-0.6124,negative,angry 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,listener_3,5,"Not at all .. However it does mean your a member of /r/trees, just saying.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,listener_2,6,I'm not but apparently I should be,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2,depressed,Need a pick me up,speaker,7,I am a girl... First of all. And it wasn't that bad. He had good intentions. ,0.6956,positive,trusting 3,depressed,What is wrong with me (28F)? I have been very depressed lately. ,speaker,1,"I am not sure why I have been so depressed lately but I am; my current situation is I am dating a guy who is 25. He is in OKC for work right now and I do have trust issues with him because of some lies i have caught him in, he says he has never and will never cheat one me but I am not sure if i believe this. He is very secretive with his phone and computer. I am the complete opposite. I am also suffer from Chiari Brain Malformation and am always in pain, I feel like i always burden people when i need help so i tend to just suffer though most of the pain. I finally got an appointment with pain management to see if that will help but it is not until the beginning of December. I am running out of ideas on what to do to try and stop the pain or at least make it manageable until the appointment. I am not sure what is really the cause of my depression but it is getting pretty bad, i don't really even want to leave my apartment anymore, and i cry for no reason. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know, Thank You!",-0.9902,negative,trusting 3,depressed,What is wrong with me (28F)? I have been very depressed lately. ,listener_1,2,"I don't think I will be of much use, but I will take a shot. Usually when people don't want to leave their appartment/cry for no reason, its not because of a feeling of something that's there, it's because of something that's not there. Do you feel empty? The source of your depression can be from a strong feeling of emptiness. Figuring out what causes your emptiness you kind of have to figure out on your own or people that know you really well. I didn't know what Chiari Malformation was before I looked it up, but it sounds like it really sucks. Dealing with the pain is something that you should only discuss with your doctors. But you shouldn't feel the need to suffer through it. Your friends/family/boyfriend/coworkers...whomever, are there and probably want to help. I know it feels like you're being a burden, but as long as they know about your condition and that you don't ask anything too tedious, it'll be fine to have some aid! I don't think anyone can really give you advice about your boyfriend. You have to judge his character, we can't do that for you. I'm not sure if you saying that he is in OKC right now implies it's a LDR? But I can say that if you are truly depressed, he should be able to make you, at least a decent amount more happy. That's what our loved ones are there for! good luck ",0.6936,positive,questioning 3,depressed,What is wrong with me (28F)? I have been very depressed lately. ,speaker,3,"Thank you for your reply, it does give me some insight. I will try and make an appointment with my primary doctor to talk to her about how I am feeling and see what she suggests. ",0.4588,positive,acknowledging 4,depressed,"To everyone out there who has gone down this solitary road, i must ask you one thing...",speaker,1,"How did you get over your ex? Personally speaking, i dated mine for nearly 18 months, we have been split up for 13 months, and not a day goes by where i feel worthless, ashamed, lonely, and sad to say, wishing i still had her. It has been over a year, and i have tried many things to remove her from my mind, but she impacted my life so significantly that i fear my love for this woman may very well never diminish in any regard. So i ask, how did you get over your ex?",0.153,positive,lonely 4,depressed,"To everyone out there who has gone down this solitary road, i must ask you one thing...",listener_1,2,"I haven't I was with her six years, she left 2 weeks ago. I dont know if we're getting back together. but I'll be damned if it doesn't hurt. What can you do? Try to become happy for yourself, and maybe start dating around. it's been a year... try to get over it. I know you're lonely, I know you're sad. So am I, so you're not really alone, now are you.",0.0898,positive,lonely 4,depressed,"To everyone out there who has gone down this solitary road, i must ask you one thing...",speaker,3,"I have tried dating, and 1 of 2 things always happened. Either the girl i had feelings for would reject me in not so pleasant ways, or i realized that the reason i liked a girl was because she reminded me of my ex. It is not like i haven't tried. And as far as not being alone, in the situation, no, others are going through the same thing and some people are going through harder scenarios with heartache, but I'm lonely in the sense that no matter what, even if i try and talk to people, friends, family, colleagues, etc. They don't seem to care, they brush off the idea of trying to help. And this is the first time i brought it up on my own...so it just gives me the sense that I'm literally not even worth helping.",-0.5815,negative,lonely 4,depressed,"To everyone out there who has gone down this solitary road, i must ask you one thing...",listener_1,4,"I feel the same way, I don't have better advice. I can't get over my ex, and trying to talk to other women feels disingenuous. and I probably shouldn't be doing it, because it never really feels quite right.",-0.3412,negative,trusting 5,depressed,Could someone please teach me how to be happy?,speaker,1,"I'm a 15 year old female in the midst of depression. Smart,kind, good grades, quiet are all words any one that thinks they know me will use. But what do I think of my self? Self-concious,aloof,hated,average looking, a dumbass. Why am I so self hating ? Why do I feel disgusted with myself? Why do I feel so unaccomplished,useless ,a waste of space? And how do I fight it?",-0.9782,negative,ashamed 5,depressed,Could someone please teach me how to be happy?,listener_1,2,"Not going to pretend we are much alike (I'm twice your age and male). However for me I think getting a handle on my depression was in large, part of giving up caring what others ""thought"" of me. I was literal just so mentally tired, from the constant worry and stress of what others thought of me and my actions, my worth. Once I gave up trying to change how people saw me and focused instead on how I wanted to see myself a lot of my problems started working out. I hope this helps. Keep your head up.",0.0046,neutral,ashamed 5,depressed,Could someone please teach me how to be happy?,speaker,3,"Thanks, I truly appreciate someone taking time to listen to my blather.",0.8176,positive,grateful 6,depressed,"Venting, sorry",speaker,1,"I've been feeling down since about June or July (around 4-5 months) over stupid reasons. This all started when back in June-ish my parents found out I was gay. I never told them, I never told anyone. They found out through texts and chats by being nosey. I'm 15 by the way. Now when they found out they interrogated me and forced answers. Then I found out my own father is homophobic and both of my parents would vote against me being able to marry. I have been crying and in tears for the past 4-5 months and I haven't been myself. I've been hiding in my room and away from social interaction. My parents denied my sexuality and told me I'm not really gay and my own mother told me about how gays are 'aids-infested whores' right in front of my face. I'm also a (so-called) artist and musician that started like a few months ago and its a good way to kind of express my feelings. I feel like I can't do anything well really. I do get good grades but I don't know how much longer that will last, thoughts have been getting in the way. I'm so sick of the memories. All of my 'friends' at school (there are like, 10 or more) noticed my sadness but never asked whats wrong. They went 'depressed?' and when I nodded yes they just acted like nothing was wrong with me. My friends at school even started to make fun of me for the depression, bringing it up when they can and relating everything I do to my depression. I only have one friend who cares. I feel as if he's the only true friend. He actually listened and told me he'd be there for me. Now I've developed mutual feelings for him, I have a crazy crush on him but he's straight and has a girlfriend, I feel like he's the only one that can save me from these thoughts. The thoughts and memories provoked more destructive and hurtful thoughts and I'm scared that they will grow into more hurtful things to endanger me. Sorry about bothering you guys with this but typing it felt really nice. I don't know if it would be considered depression and I often feel like these aren't reasons to get worked up over. Thank you guys so much<3 tl;dr: Depressed because of parents not able to cope with my sexuality, being alone, huge crush on someone not worth fighting for, made fun of for being sad, and destructive thoughts. Thank you guys so much for any comments and for reading.",-0.8784,negative,sad 6,depressed,"Venting, sorry",listener_1,2,This happened to my gay friend :( I'm really sorry but on the bright side gay marriages are being legalized and you can have happiness.,0.8626,positive,sympathizing 6,depressed,"Venting, sorry",listener_2,3,I'm sorry that you have to lie about how you feel. :(,-0.4939,negative,sympathizing 7,depressed,Feeling okay with dying?,speaker,1,"I live a pretty nice life, I'm healthy, in a great college, have amazing supportive parents and I'm in a great relationship. However recently I have been having random thoughts about death and such. For example the first one occurred after a loud noise sounded upstairs and my mind instantly went to the thought of a burglar (I live with my parents, it was probably just my dad doing something) bashing in the door and shooting my parents. I then imagined that burglar coming in my room and threatening me with the gun if I don't give him anything. I then had a feeling that I would be okay with dying. I would ask him to shoot me, I was eager. I still have this feeling right now but I'm not sure why. The feeling is keeping me from my work (schoolwork) and is hurting me inside. I love everything that is happening in my life, but if given the chance, I would choose to die. Any help I could get myself? Thanks.",0.9296,positive,terrified 7,depressed,Feeling okay with dying?,listener_1,2,"I once heard that once you face death, you are no longer afraid of it. Have you hit a depressed bottom yet because if you have, that would be the explanation.",-0.8555,negative,afraid 7,depressed,Feeling okay with dying?,listener_2,3,True My dad once drove off a small cliff by accident He thought he was dead for sure but survived Says the second or two in the air was the most peaceful moment of his life,0.8418,positive,afraid 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",speaker,1,"I can't be happy anymore, I spend most of my days in a sense of numbness to the world. When I feel happiness I can't really enjoy because I know it will fade quickly and ill be back feeling nothing. I have no reason to be the way I am, I have a good life and a girlfriend who loves me. I just can't pull myself out of this hole I'm in and I really don't know what to do anymore. I'm tired of being sad all the time. Does anyone have any advice?",-0.4862,negative,lonely 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",listener_1,2,Feels for days bro. Honestly when you are feeling down write on a piece of paper all the things that make you happy/ that you enjoy in life. ,0.8859999999999999,positive,hopeful 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",speaker,3,Thanks man I'll start trying that,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",speaker,4,"Thanks.. I guess more background is needed. I just feel alone, I've been suicidal, and I take depression medications. I don't really know what to do anymore, I'm tired of bringing everyone else around me down. I feel useless to those who need me because I can't help them. ",-0.9355,negative,lonely 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",listener_2,5,"Should mention the suicidal feelings to the doctor, the medication can make it worse, or withdrawal from lack of dosage can. Until you are feeling out of the hole, don't even look at the edges of it. Whats down in the hole with you? Look around. Here in this subreddit, a million battered bones and broken hearts. What can you learn while this world of blues is still relevant to your life? [Try science](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/12/18/quinolinic-acid-suicide-spinal-fluid_n_2325556.html). Oh and if you find yourself in a moment thinking of the next moment, pinch yourself, for real pinch a wrist skin or palm. Worry about the future and past wears us down, stay in the present. Little harmless pain will keep you in the now. ",-0.9131,negative,apprehensive 8,depressed,"I don't know any of you and I can't compare my problems to yours, but I need some help. ",speaker,6,"That's something I've never thought about, thank you",-0.2755,negative,neutral 9,depressed,How do I say goodbye to my loved ones?,speaker,1,I'm going to kill myself. I've got about one hundred Prozac pills. I just don't know how to say goodbye. How I'll write my letter. What's the right thing to say. I know they're going to be hurt but what can like take some of that away? Any suggestions? ,-0.2869,negative,sad 9,depressed,How do I say goodbye to my loved ones?,listener_1,2,"Hi, I really hope you haven't taken those pills yet, I know it's a cliché, but your life *is* worth more than this. Have you tried seeking help? You don't have to feel this way; there are people who can help you. It won't get better straight away, heck, it might even take years, but trust me, in the end it's so worth it. Nothing you say will make this easier for them; would words console you if someone you loved died? From this it's clear you care about your family, let them know you want their support and help, you can't do this on your own. Please, try to seek help, your life matters and so does the happiness of your family. I'm not trying to guilt trip you; I just want you to know this. This website has been very helpful to me in dark times http://www.suicideprevention.ie/Depression.ie/ Find the local Samaritans or suicide helpline and call them, they'll be way more helpful than me; I'll they'll be able to talk to you in a professional manner about this.",0.9946,positive,consoling 9,depressed,How do I say goodbye to my loved ones?,speaker,3,I am getting help. I've been getting help for about a year. I've had severe depression for four years. I just can't really keep going. This is something I need to do :/,-0.5106,negative,hopeful 9,depressed,How do I say goodbye to my loved ones?,speaker,4,Well I'm from Sweden so all the medical stuff is free. And I am getting help but it's not working.,0.5499,positive,annoyed 9,depressed,How do I say goodbye to my loved ones?,listener_1,5,"Obviously the help you're getting isn't working so try something different; a new type of therapy, new medication (if you take any and if you talk it over with your doctor). You aren't something that's broken and only worth something if you're 'fixed'. You're someone. You mean something now, just as much as you will if you feel better. If you weren't depressed and died in a car crash do you think your loved ones would be any less upset? Do you think being depressed makes you worthless? This is definitely not true.",0.8443,positive,questioning 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,speaker,1,"I'm just tired of being miserable. I can handle being unhappy, like I have been for more or less the last 5 years, but this past year or so has just been too much. I'm just alone and miserable. The only thing I can cling onto is my fear of death. At this point, though, I don't want that fear anymore. I just don't want to be miserable and I only know one way out.",-0.9725,negative,lonely 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,listener_1,2,Lets talk about it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,speaker,3,"I don't really know what there is to talk about. I'm tired of people saying the bullshit ""that it's going to get better."" We don't live in some fantasy land; it doesn't get better for everybody.",-0.7356,negative,angry 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,listener_1,4,Getting better in more about prospective then reality. Have you considered trying a change of prospective?,0.4404,positive,questioning 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,speaker,5,"It's one thing to try to change your prospective and another thing to be able to actually do so. I mean if were able to do so, then I would, but it just doesn't work.",0.0,neutral,neutral 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,listener_1,6,"Life is full of choices that can change your prospective on life. Some things might seem like non options but the only non option is what you set for yourself. A few off the top of my head are working with less fortune people, traveling and seeing other cultures, military or other community service, joining a club or group. Just a few ideas. Tell me more about yourself so I might be able to better direct my ideas.",0.7783,positive,apprehensive 10,depressed,Don't want to be afraid anymore.,speaker,7,I've tried some of those things in the past with no change. I don't really have a lot of free time either due to job. Also I really don't have any energy to even try again.,0.0736,positive,disappointed 11,depressed,Depression we meet again,speaker,1,"i'm a 20 year old girl, and i'm afraid i suffer from depression. Ever since i was a little girl and my father walked out on my mom and I, my mom has verbally abused me. Even though this occurs very frequently and i feel somewhat numb to it, i still catch myself in tears constantly. I feel like i have no one to speak to, i feel alone and vulnerable. I feel like a burden to everyone especially my mother which is the only family i have. she distanced me from the rest of my family at a young age so i just feel awkward talking to them, i feel like i try to live up to be someone my mom can be proud of but all she does is focus on the mistakes i make. I dont know how to make myself happy, and i know that's the problem.. i feel so helpless. this feeling comes in waves, but it has been occurring more frequently.... ",-0.8973,negative,lonely 11,depressed,Depression we meet again,listener_1,2,"I understand. I'm a 30 yo male but I know what you are describing. It's a wave that washes over you and fills every thought and action. My only advice is to find someone, anyone you feel comfortable talking to about this. There are more of us out there then you may think. Talking helped me get thru some tough times and having someone there for me. Whether its a hotline, chat room, school friend, coworker, neighbor. It helps. Stay strong ok :)",0.974,positive,agreeing 11,depressed,Depression we meet again,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, it means a lot to know you aren't alone.. i keep trying to pick myself up, but a person can only absorb so much you know? ",0.2778,positive,sympathizing 11,depressed,Depression we meet again,listener_1,4,"I agree everyone has their breaking point. You can only be shut down, rejected, and told how horrible so many times before you believe it. I may not be able to relate to all your problems but I know depression and might be able to help. I'm a willing shoulder if you need it. Is there anyone you know you can talk to. Don't ever think you are alone. ",-0.8176,negative,trusting 11,depressed,Depression we meet again,speaker,5,"Thank you so much, i really appreciate it! it comes in waves, i've been doing a lot better!",0.8392,positive,acknowledging 12,depressed,"My whole plan, everything I was working for, everything I was hoping for, has gone to shit.",speaker,1,"Thanks for your time. I don't know what I want, I just hope somebody can lend me a kind word and a way to stay positive. I was supposed to graduate college last spring. That didn't happen because I fucked up some classes, and needed an extra semester to finish up. Everything looked like it would still be ok, though. I got a summer internship, and I was supposed to go back to school in the fall. But that couldn't happen. My father, who paid for my schooling, lost everything. He was self employed too. That means that now he is unemployed. I can't get a student loan because he is the only person I know who would be willing to cosign a loan for me, but his credit isn't worth anything because he hasn't had income in 2 years now. We were hoping that things would turn around by this time, but they haven't, and now I will not be going back to school in spring, either. I would take cheaper classes somewhere else and get transfer credits, but my school doesn't accept transfer credits from, like, anywhere. I can work for the time being, but its starting to look like I'll never graduate from my school, which I busted my ass to get into in highschool and have busted my ass through for 4 years (I still didn't do phenomenally. I'm just barely smart enough for my university, and the classes kick my ass). But here's the thing. I would be able to cope with all of this stuff. I'm dying though because of my girlfriend. I'm absolutely in love with her. We've been together for two years now, and she has been a real trooper through all of this shit, but I can tell she can't hang in much longer. I feel like crap for putting her through this. She gets mad at me for not being able to do anything about it. The fact is though, I owe the school $10,000, and another semester would be $26,000 more. My current balance is $112. The best job I could get would pay me 12/hour. My grades aren't good enough for a scholarship. I'm fucked. And she is gonna leave me. And I don't blame her. My family is in a downward spiral and she is getting tied into it. We had such great plans for our life together, but they are impossible now. I couldn't bare to lose her, and I know I'm going to. I feel absolutely helpless. Eight years of trajectory into a life I had planned for, and now nothing I have worked to achieve will ever happen. I know I'm young, and theres a long life ahead of me, but that isn't comforting. Its the opposite. I feel like I'm facing a lifetime of misery, wishing I had done better in school to get scholorships, dreaming about what could have been if my father would have been able to support me just that little bit more, missing the hell out of the love of my life, hoping for some stroke of luck that will never occur. I feel like I've enjoyed all the happiness allotted to me, and now I'm just going to wallow in misery until I die. I'll probably dedicate myself to helping others or something, but fuck. I just can't believe how things just turned upside-down. I can't imagine ever being happy so long as I can't be with her. I've felt fake love before, and I know this isn't it. I love this girl, and I'm hurting her by asking her to stay with me. She has so much potential and can do so much with her life if she leaves me. I'm just dragging her down and it hurts me so much to see it. What the hell can I do? I don't feel like I can control any of this shit-storm that has become my life. What midset can I assume to better cope, or even overcome? I need help.",-0.4114,negative,hopeful 12,depressed,"My whole plan, everything I was working for, everything I was hoping for, has gone to shit.",listener_1,2,"Sometimes it's just best to break ties with your significant other and just grind it out until you make it. You may love her but she requires time and energy you don't have. It's not a bad thing to get a cheap apt and work until you have some money saved to balance what you owe into leverage to getting more money for school. It can get better, you just need to believe I yourself more and don't even try to lean on on other people. It can be done, trust me. It took my mom 10 years to graduate college at night and now she makes bank. Trust, it can get better. ",0.9865,positive,trusting 12,depressed,"My whole plan, everything I was working for, everything I was hoping for, has gone to shit.",speaker,3,Thank you. That's just what I needed to hear.,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 12,depressed,"My whole plan, everything I was working for, everything I was hoping for, has gone to shit.",listener_1,4,I believe in you. ,0.0,neutral,faithful 13,depressed,Long day won't remember account password ,speaker,1,"I just drank a bottle of scotch after a pretty crappy day. I just found out my father in law may be spying on me. I'm a good guy (or at least I think) so there's nothing to find but I'm pretty upset at the prospect as I'm pretty vocal about privacy on the internet. Not really sure why I'm posting, I just have found that reddit seems to be a good outlet for a lot of people and I wanted some cheering up. ",0.9458,positive,sad 13,depressed,Long day won't remember account password ,speaker,2,"PS I'm generally pretty upbeat (at least in demeanor and in other people's opinion). Also, I'm using a proxy to post because he told me that my Internet is being monitored. I know this sounds like some paranoid delusion, but I've always suspected he has the means for this sort of thing. Also, I'm not in the US. ",0.0,neutral,trusting 13,depressed,Long day won't remember account password ,listener_1,3,By the way I'm not suicidal or anything. Just upset. ,0.2477,positive,sad 13,depressed,Long day won't remember account password ,listener_1,4,"I did. He has a reasonable explanation as to why (didn't have to do with me but he assumed the worst about me) but I'm not sure if I believe him or not, meaning whether or not he's having someone spy on me online. Either way I'm pretty upset at the thought that our relationship may be screwed because of something I didn't do. And if he is spying I'm not sure what precautions I should take. I'm using incognito through a vpn but I don't want to say too much in case. Thanks for listening even if there's nothing we can do. ",-0.8865,negative,apprehensive 13,depressed,Long day won't remember account password ,listener_2,5,"Upvote man. I am sorry, I have been the evil in-laws target of blame before, and it is a tough spot. Man, talk to your wife, that would be best IMO. Also, I learned be a man about it (Not condescending, but in your approach). Let him know that you were made aware of the situation, ask why, and let him know about Proxies such as Tor, and say if you will not discuss it with me, I will ensure you do not go behind my back to gather info. Just my two cents, best wishes friend! ",0.9168,positive,agreeing 14,depressed,I wish I had someone to talk to me about all of this…,speaker,1,"Where do I start… I used to be heavy into drugs but quit for someone who was the only person I ever let into my life who left me… Anyway… I just recently went inpatient to a hospital for two months and thought I was so happy, so much better, and thought I had an epiphany to drop everything and move to a new city and everything would be great… Since I’ve moved here I haven’t left my apartment and I’m homesick and I can’t even stand eating to the point it hurts… …I don’t know if this is the point of this subreddit but I needed to get it out somewhere — I think I always have and always will hate my life no matter what I can do about it.",0.4622,positive,content 14,depressed,I wish I had someone to talk to me about all of this…,listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear that. Have you ever tried meditation? Also, you need to get out, go for a walk. It is so simple, but it will help.",0.5267,positive,questioning 14,depressed,I wish I had someone to talk to me about all of this…,listener_2,3,"I've moved eight times and I'm only eighteen! It's kind of hard leaving everything behind, but new opportunities spring up everywhere! You just have to find them!",0.6033,positive,trusting 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,speaker,1,"If I disappeared, the only people who would notice or care would be my relatives and girlfriend (all of which I am greatly thankful for.) From kindergarten to 12th grade, I assumed I was becoming friends with my peers. I made my best effort to be friendly and talk with people, and to this day I still remember many names and faces. I assumed that throughout the years I'd do normal friend things and hang out. Same story for college, I went to several parties (Had to always desperately ask, I was seldom invited) and tried my best to make friends but none of them lasted. They would start ignoring me. After 2 years of college, I was totally alone and had lost all motivation so I gave up and went back home. Today I have no friends except ""friends"" on facebook. Only 2 or 3 give me any attention on facebook - in the form of a random message or comment every few months. I hate these useless ""hey how have you been?"" conversations that are short lived and lead nowhere. I have no choice but to rely on them though because they are all I have. God, I'm so desperate. What I really hate is that I constantly see pictures on facebook of people hanging out that have the same things in common as me - high school, college, summer camp etc. I should be there, where was my invite? For a few months I was talking pretty frequently with this one guy from summer camp. I thought we were pretty tight, he knew about my situation and said he'd do what he could to help me out and invite me to things. Later I find out he and a couple other summer camp people (who I was on speaking terms with and he knew it) had a mini reunion right in town. TLDR people just don't want to be friends with me. I'm a halfway normal nice friendly guy who cares about his appearance and career so I don't see why at least SOME people don't like me.",0.9716,positive,content 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,listener_1,2,">I hate these useless ""hey how have you been?"" conversations that are short lived and lead nowhere. Unless you make the effort others won't return in kind. Don't seek happiness in others, do what makes you happy and others may accompany you. Edit; sorry first time in this sub, not sure on the posting protocol. I should be in /r/drunk instead. But I was looking for the ""what if"" thread from earlier and this popped up. If I was to disappear tomorrow maybe some family would care. I'm in a similar situation but 10 years too late.",-0.1358,negative,embarrassed 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,speaker,3,"Thanks I agree. I really have tried to make those conversations useful (tried to get to know them better or meet up etc.) but I just can't manage to make progress. I try to make conversation normally and ask questions, but it dies down so fast and it seems like they lose interest. Not being able to get to know people better applies to everyone, but specifically with girls, I don't know how I would arrange meeting up, especially while I have a girlfriend. With guys I can always ask if they want to jog or go to some event or recreation, I'm comfortable doing that, but I really only have one guy I'm friends enough with to ask now. I have had a little success with him in the past, I'll keep trying. Sorry for being long winded, trying to explain things in case you or someone can help",0.9878,positive,agreeing 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,listener_1,4,"It sounds like you're trying to cheat on your girlfriend, not cool. Either enjoy the company of her or end the relationship, don't go seeking it elsewhere while in a relationship. What's wrong with doing things you enjoy without other people?",-0.6111,negative,questioning 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,speaker,5,"Huh? No way, I thought it was common to be friends with other girls while you had a girlfriend. Gender doesn't matter to me, I was just describing how the difficulty making friends was different for girls vs guys. Almost everything I enjoy I have to do without other people, but it gets old. I really love the company of others and doing things with friends is totally different than doing it by yourself. People weren't meant to be lonely and do everything by their self.",0.8973,positive,lonely 15,depressed,I have no idea how I got left behind,speaker,6,Sorry to hear. Yeah thats what I've found too,0.2263,positive,agreeing 16,depressed,Coming to terms with the idea of leaving this world.,speaker,1,"This is my first and most likely only post on this board. I'm using a 'throw away' I have lying around that seems I've only used to post comments on r/gonewild , but whatever. I just feel I need to leave some note somewhere, get this off my chest. I've had glimpsing thoughts of killing myself, self pitying moments, even days of sobbing and not knowing what I'm going to do, but now I've seriously begun to come to terms with a need to take an early exit. It's a long story but for totally separate reasons and over the course of the last five years I have split from my wife, my brother has disowned me over some stupid comment I made on facebook, my now adult daughter had disowned me too, and now my 5 year old son says he hates me and just wants to be with his mom. He's been the only thing keeping me together, and now I'm losing my shit. I just spent Christmas and my birthday totally alone (didn't even speak to another human being on either day). I'm holed up in a small dark apartment and can hear nothing but footsteps and noises from neighbors. I've tried to get out, make friends and carry on with my chin up and thoughts that things will get better, but my son, being brutally truthful as 5 year olds are.. has made me realize I'm better off dead. There. I said it. ",-0.9877,negative,sentimental 16,depressed,Coming to terms with the idea of leaving this world.,listener_1,2,"hey,life can seem really dark sometimes,kids say things through the eyes of a child based on their feeling at the time. I go through this,usually about this time of the year.what pulls me out is deciding to go for something,a goal, A reason to push through the dark. I have 3 daughters,how would they do with out me?who will protect them from the predators, the boys who will say what they need to to get to their goals. Sometime life sucks, and when it does we dont see the way out. but as we push through life becomes manageable,then good, then as we work towards something,and we get focused it can become incredible. 18 months ago I was done! I just wanted out. I talked to my dad, a friend who since passed on,and they helped me huge.The trauma my friend left behind after he died is unimaginable,it was a freak thing, but I would not wish that on anyone..Life can be good man. If you want to talk, message me. you are created for greatness, the only thing being dead brings is pain for you children,a life of wondering why they didnt say I love you once more, a life of what did we do? why did Daddy leave us. My uncle committed suicide, messed up is 5 year old daughter so bad.Be the man you need to be,work through the pain,Talk to a pastor,a relative,Me? If you really need to talk, about anything like anything, get in touch with me.on here, or message me for my number. You have the strength to push through this. and you need to.",-0.8799,negative,trusting 16,depressed,Coming to terms with the idea of leaving this world.,speaker,3,"Thanks, man. I feel a bit better today; I've broken down again a couple of times, but I went outside and immediately felt a little better. I just need to take it a small chunk at a time. I think because I realize I'm in this rut, I'll be OK. Each issue seems a mountain to get over right now, but the first step is to put on hiking boots, right? I'll keep your post handy and might take you up on the offer of being a sounding board sometime. Cheers.",0.8559,positive,grateful 16,depressed,Coming to terms with the idea of leaving this world.,listener_1,4,"do that, It nice to have someone to talk to where there is no pressure.... You could be the president...... :) I would never know ",0.7709,positive,acknowledging 17,depressed,My only sister committed suicide yesterday... I just need someone to talk to.,speaker,1,"I was on my Facebook and I saw a post from my sister's page saying ""Omg, Amanda is dead at West Jeff, I don't know what to do."" I saw people commenting, ""Why would you write that?"" and ""Take this down now!"" So I didn't believe it. I had my SO call the hospital where she was supposed to be and they told him that she was in ICU. The next set of visiting hours weren't for a couple of hours, so I ate and got dressed and as I was about to walk out the door, my dad calls. His voice is blank. He tells me that my sister is already gone. She had taken a bottle of pills and that it was too late. I was too late. I woke up this morning and the tears can't stop flowing. I don't know how to deal with this. If you've made it this far, thank you for taking the time to read this and hear me out.",-0.4774,negative,devastated 17,depressed,My only sister committed suicide yesterday... I just need someone to talk to.,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry for you and your family's loss. I'm not going to say don't cry, because there has to be times where you have to cry and let your feelings out, don't lock them in. But after the long storm comes the sunshine - try not to stand in the storm, it will eat you inside and out, buddy. Even though I bet a part of you have been ripped apart from you, but I also bet that there is so much left of you as well... All this may sound like jibberish but if you have anything else you want to say just PM me and ill try to do my best and answer your PM. ",0.9105,positive,sentimental 17,depressed,My only sister committed suicide yesterday... I just need someone to talk to.,speaker,3,"Yeah, to be honest, I could use someone to talk to. I don't know if you saw my other post, but I lost my dad the day after this. My sister intentional overdose and my father was from an accidental overdose. I've been having a hard time lately. My mom is trying to find some counseling in my area, but with no insurance, we'll see how that goes.",-0.6187,negative,lonely 17,depressed,My only sister committed suicide yesterday... I just need someone to talk to.,speaker,4,"Thank you so much for your comment. I don't know if you saw the update on my situation, but my dad passed away the day after. :'( This is really the hardest thing that I have ever dealt with. My heart is shattered and I feel like I've lost myself. I know I'm never going to be the same again. I feel like there is this war of emotions going through my head all the time and I just wonder when will I ever feel okay again.",-0.5326,negative,devastated 18,depressed,Getting This Out of My Head,speaker,1,"I'm tired of having no one to talk to so I'm venting here. I'm sick of my life. I thought I could make it through but I don't think I can anymore. I can't get out of this relationship that has taken so much from me. I finally brought up that I want divorced but you keep pulling me back in. I'm trapped. With no way out. I saw a shining light. I reached and hoped and did my best to reach it. Apparently, it didn't want me to get to close. Any plans I've made have fallen through. I no longer dream or wish because there is no point when you already know your going to fail. All I want to do us burry myself in a hole away from the world. Protecting myself. It's my escape. How I wish I could escape. All these people around me have no idea what the real story is. I put on a brave face because no one wants to be around someone in pain. Pain is not just what I feel. It's what I am. I am Pain. ",-0.9609,negative,hopeful 18,depressed,Getting This Out of My Head,listener_1,2,"As a person who has been in your exact situation - Dont make plans and try to find someone to talk to. Life is hard and I can't promise you it will get better, but if you leave yourself open to opportunity i can promise you'll feel better and have a better outlook ",0.9384,positive,faithful 18,depressed,Getting This Out of My Head,speaker,3,I never thanked you for your thoughts. I know what you mean by you want to slap the thoughts away. I want to be self sufficient but the want to have a person there to take care of and vice-versa is resilient. There is a song from Three Days Grace that talks about how pain is something to remind you you're alive. To break up the numbness. I wish happiness worked the same. ,0.93,positive,grateful 19,depressed,I'm unsure what to do.,speaker,1,"I can't seem to get out of this funk. I haven't felt happy in a long time now, what seems like forever but is really only about half a year. I just got out of a long relationship and I felt better after the breakup because the relationship became so horrible that I had to get out. I felt happiness for a brief time when I thought this guy that I really like actually liked me back. Turns out he just wanted sex and then nothing more, so that's been upsetting me. I'm unsure how to just...stop being sad. I cry daily, and I just can't seem to get the energy to do anything. I go to work, I come home, I sleep. I want nothing to do with people even though I'm so lonely. I just want to shut myself in my room and never come out. I've thought a bit about how the sadness would go away if I died, but not serious thoughts. I understand that suicide isn't the answer and all it would do is cause my family to fall apart and probably cause my best friend to end her life as well. I just want to feel...happy again. I want to not hate waking up in the morning. I want to come home and not be in tears by the end of the drive, I want to feel loved, and wanted. I'm so unhappy.",-0.2032,negative,disappointed 19,depressed,I'm unsure what to do.,listener_1,2,"I actually just PM'd you over a different post you'd...well...posted.... Just saw this one as well - I have been dealing with depression for as long as I can remember. I have had ups and downs....some downs worse then others. I know what your going through as I go through it every day. Somedays my mind just tries to convince me that it would be better off just ending it all, and i have to fight back against myself to keep going. I'm also on the wrong side of the world from everyone I knew and cared for, and I also work alone so am EXTREMELY lonely during the day - which does not help at all with depression. We all want to have lovers to hold us and hug us, to talk with us about things - but what we all really need are just PEOPLE to talk to, to understand, to support and listen and only then can we be truly happy and find someone who can truly love us. If you want to chat about anything, let me know ok? Just remember there are loads of us out there with the same issues. We just need people to talk to, a shoulder to lean on etc and we WILL be fine in the end!",0.9727,positive,annoyed 19,depressed,I'm unsure what to do.,listener_2,3,I dealt with the lonliness too and was from a big family. I don't know but PM me too It's always good to talk to people who have dealt with it this is my first run of admitting it to myself ,0.5927,positive,trusting 20,depressed,The other day I realized...,speaker,1,"I'm a freshmen in college and I truly don't believe I could ever bring myself to self harm but the other day, I heard some friends talking about their futures and I realized I think more about all the ways to die than I do about my future. I don't know how to make myself happy or what I want to do with my life and I don't know how to figure it out. I just recently lost my virginity and that seemed to help for a little but then she needed some space and I can't help feeling anxious all the time. My friend told me I couldn't depend on anyone else to make me happy. It's something I need to find for myself. I suppose I don't really have any questions but I'd like to hear anything you have to say. Thank you ",0.9644,positive,apprehensive 20,depressed,The other day I realized...,listener_1,2,I think more about all the ways to die than I do about my future- that hits home. ,-0.5994,negative,apprehensive 20,depressed,The other day I realized...,speaker,3,"You were very clear, and articulate. I love fifty/fifty and all that nonsense. I think people aren't happy when they are satisfied. Happiness is growth and we don't grow when we are satisfied. I need to get out more but I never feel like going anywhere in the winter.",0.6037,positive,impressed 21,depressed,A question,speaker,1,Which is better? To pretend to be happy while sad or to be openly depressed and lose everyone.,-0.4404,negative,sad 21,depressed,A question,listener_1,2,I pretended to be happy for a while but it didnt help at all. If you tell people I can assure you that they will try to help you,0.728,positive,faithful 21,depressed,A question,listener_2,3,"Yeah I tried that approach... My biological father made suicide threats almost every day. So, now when I bring up depression with my mother she just says that it's a crutch used by cowards and is just a lie to make people do what you want. But then again my family is weird even by weirdness standards so you might have better luck.",0.2732,positive,neutral 21,depressed,A question,listener_1,4,Can't you talk about it to good friends? I think they will be more likely to understand or help you than your mother..,0.8271,positive,questioning 22,depressed,Just can't handle it anymore,speaker,1,"I have been affected by the bad economy ever since 2008. I own my own business and thought things would get better but I've just run myself into further and further debt. It's really hurt my family life and I haven't been able to enjoy my 4 and two year old as much because I just feel like a failure. I can't sleep because he debt is on my mind, I wake up and don't have the energy to go to work, I sometimes just sit in a parking lot all day I stead of actually going in lately. At this point I am 500k in debt and would not have any real options to provide for my family if I can't catch up. I don't want to be on pills but the wife is asking me to do something as she says we are wasting our life away due to my situation. I hope this shit gets better. Edit: so pile it on I guess... My wife has some lumps in her breast and is having a mammogram. I must have done something bad in my life ",-0.973,negative,ashamed 22,depressed,Just can't handle it anymore,listener_1,2,"Go to the site ""art of manliness"" it changed my life and I think it could help you too. Lots of encouraging words for a modern man that still wants to be a man. ",0.7269,positive,impressed 22,depressed,Just can't handle it anymore,speaker,3,"I will check it out, thank you. ",0.3612,positive,wishing 23,depressed,"Someone said (on reddit) ""you can be told you are worthless and useless so many times until you start to believe it"". I realized that just now, yes I truly believe that of myself. When the fuck did this happen...long post sorry",speaker,1,"I've been on the brink of tears lately to the point that I get super anxious under times of pressure. I can't make decisions for myself and I can't figure out what I want. I'm mostly here to vent, but I'm mainly going through the motions eat sleep shit drink. I'm in my fourth year of school but due to laziness and indecisiveness I have 2 more years to finish. I haven't talked to my parents in a while, about a month... And its starting to get to me. I grew up with the understanding that whatever they say goes or get yelled at and belittled. All I ever wanted to do was please them and make them proud. I never tried to go against them, they are elderly so I tried so hard to remain calm an take their shit. I fucked up several times in my life but I want to believe they've forgiven me. Still, the last time I talked to my mom, she told me to drop out of school and move home for a while, so she probably thinks I'm just laying around. I feel so deflated and I feel like they don't know how hard I work. I have a part time job, 19 credits, a husband and a dog, my own car, and we are living all on our own. I couldn't even tell them about my husband for two years when he was my boyfriend. I am so tired of their belittling and yelling at me that I can't even have small talk with my parents. I don't want to distance myself from them, it hurts so much. I can't talk to my husband about this, he doesn't understand and neither do any of my friends. I was adopted also so I already thought that factors into my needing to make them proud because they took me in when no one else could. I feel like I am too young to be worrying about taking care of my parents. I'm 22 and my parents are 62 and 74. Plus I have one brother who's been in jail for about 10 years and I can't begin to describe our relationship. Nobody calls me because I distanced myself, moved across the state for school and I try to forget my childhood. If you read this, I wish I could give you gold. Plus my husband and I have been arguing since we've been working our lives away. Everyone else just tells me to do what I want, I am an adult but I know that's not what should happen. I feel like I'm going to be the one to take care of my elderly family members because I haven't gotten pregnant or be selfish. This moment I feel useless because if everybody isn't happy, I can't be happy. ",-0.9595,negative,anxious 24,depressed,Harm In Detachment,speaker,1,"A little poem I wrote when I was depressed (like really down there) I was talking with a friend and we both expressed ourselves through a poem here is mine: **Harm In Detachment** I look in the mirror, once again I can't be this man, I can't be him Instead he's a friend, an old one at that It's been a while since our last chat I don't know who he is anymore This old friend, he has transformed He isn't what he hopes or dreams, He is a freak, a joke as it seems. I see them poke fun, make him depressed And I just sit here, in this big old mess. We call it life, we live day by day people say things they say They just have fun, no mean to harm But harm, harm is all that is done. Harm is all that is done.",-0.9452,negative,nostalgic 24,depressed,Harm In Detachment,listener_1,2,Beautiful,0.5994,positive,impressed 24,depressed,Harm In Detachment,speaker,3,Thanks for the feedback(:,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 25,depressed,Shit for life.,speaker,1,"My depression has been hitting me really hard this week, not only have I been stressing over my classes(I'm a high school senior) but I've also been thinking a lot about my past. In 8th grade my sister died in a car accident, to this day I'm in denial. The summer of what was soon to be my Sophomore year I was raped by my neighbor and for some reason I felt it was my fault so I never said anything. I see him on a daily basis and he still tries to talk to me as if what he did was ok. A few months ago my sister and the one of two daughters that she claims moved in with my parents and it has been hell. My entire family knows I'm depressed, I was put on Prozak last year and I only took it for three weeks because I went from a fit 100 pound girl into a flabby 130 pound pile of fat as my mother likes to call me. My mom constantly comments on my weight and how I don't fit into any of my clothes anymore. My dad never talks or even looks in my direction. The last legit conversation we've had was about a year ago and he was trying to cover up the fact that he said he wished it had been me in that car rather than my sister. My oldest sister is a complete bitch, she always comments on the clothes I wear or tells me I'm an attention whore and that I'm only pretending to be depressed so people will coddle me and hug me and all that shit. But the thing is, no one gives a single fuck about how I feel. I'm sure if everyone in my life had two fucks to give I wouldn't get any of them. There are times when I think that maybe I should have been the one to die. Maybe my family would be a lot happier without me around.",-0.996,negative,ashamed 25,depressed,Shit for life.,listener_1,2,You're a redditor. Be proud. ,0.4767,positive,proud 25,depressed,Shit for life.,speaker,3,"The nicest thing anyone has said to me all week(,: Thank you, I am.",0.6908,positive,grateful 25,depressed,Shit for life.,speaker,4,Thank you(: I'll try,0.3612,positive,wishing 26,depressed,Nothing Left to Loose,speaker,1,"My story is a long and complicated one with little to no sense to be made of it all. Being a guy i haven't really done anything like this before. My parents are divorced and have been for the past 12 years. We are still in court to this day. (12 years of being in court for me and im just 16 now and 6 foot 3 inches tall). I live with my mom (illegally and against the courts wishes). My dad is a drunk and is extremely physically abusive as well as medically, financially, and emotionally. He has tried to kill me on multiple occasions and convinced my brother to do so as well. He makes over 1 million $ a year and wont pay a dime for me or my brother. My mom on the other hand is psychotic, depressed, has severe anxiety, and can barley make enough for rent every month let alone food. This means that I have to pay for rent and food all the time. She constantly 'bans' friends and family because she gets paranoid that ""they are going to get us"". Ive been to tons of therapists and psychiatrists ect and they just get paid off by my dad to testify against me in court or they quit because I cant pay them or because they cant handle me as a client. My mom and dad are attempting to consolidate with the school and appeal that i am insane and should be dealt with as such. No one helps. Nothing Changes. Nothing gets better. Theres no light at the end of the tunnel and im about to punch out. I've never been open about this kind of thing before but here goes nothing. I'm pinned in a corner with no way out and nothing to loose. A grey mindless body floating in space. Ready to fall out of the sky and splat onto the pavement. ",-0.8603,negative,terrified 26,depressed,Nothing Left to Loose,listener_1,2,"Our stories, though different, are similar in a few ways. I am 16, Both of my parents are out of a job and all they do is fight. My father is an alcoholic and has been since I can remember. He gets into fits of rage and can be violent if pushed to the brink. My mom does not help the situation. She reminds him everyday that he is a failure and a drunk, so this is his motivation to follow his routine every day. My mom is paranoid and always thinks that someone is out to get her. She was diagnosed with a brain tumor when i was pretty young. I know that her medication previously made her sick, but she lacks any motivation. She cries about how bad her life is when she really just wants sympathy from others. My parents are so focused on being better than the other, that I am left alone on a consistent basis. I have friends, but they don't see what's inside, so I isolate myself. I can't tell you how many times I've been so alone that I just lock myself up and think about what the fuck I'm supposed to do with my life. I've always been a strong Christian, but after the past few years I have really just lost grip with the idea that there is a god. I had a girlfriend who listened to me and tried to help, but she abruptly left and took the only sense of happiness in my life. Now I'm lonely. I just end up finding myself wishing that someone would talk to me. I find myself praying to a god that I don't believe in, and I ask one thing of him: take my body, my life, and my thoughts away from this earth. Destroy them, and let that be the end of me. ",-0.1639,negative,sad 26,depressed,Nothing Left to Loose,speaker,3,Made me tear up. Literally took the words out of my mouth. My dad is an alcoholic and beats my ass all the time. I isolate myself all the time and now i want to do it more than be with my friends. That is when my mom will even let me out of the house. I appreciate you opening up to me. I hope that we can continue to talk and we can slowly but surly help each other out. :) Thank you for just listening. ,0.9209,positive,grateful 26,depressed,Nothing Left to Loose,listener_1,4,It's very relieving to know that there is someone out there with the same problems as me. I appreciate you listening to me and telling your story. This is the first time I've ever had anyone understand why I'm so depressed,-0.3503,negative,trusting 27,depressed,Progression of depression...,speaker,1,"I've been depressed for the past 2 years, and recently it's just become overwhelming. I've noticed a progression lately, that honestly, is starting to scare me. I don't feel like I have a strong support group of friends anymore. Since college, distance has made me so detached from the last support group I felt comfortable in. Seems like I've been thinking about suicide lately, and the thoughts keep progressing. What's really scared me is I almost sat down and wrote a suicide note last night. Just the thought of doing it, made me realize that I'm getting worse not better. What's going to stop me from actually writing the note? Then perhaps progressing from there slowly and gradually until I do something horrible. I've always thought to myself, suicide is the most selfish thing any person can do and I still believe that. But what am I thinking about it as an option? I've always been a happy person, but I have these bouts of depression. I never thought I would get to this point. I think if the 10 year younger version of me would have looked at the current one with disgust. And that feels awful. I just wanna be happy again, have motivation, and really live my life to the fullest, like I know it's meant to be. I still think I have potential, but it's so misguided. I don't know how to just be successful and happy. I don't know, I just wish I could do the whole last 5-10 years over again, but that's not going to happen. I don't know how to move forward, and I need help but am too scared to ask. It's like an internal epic war waging in my head and I just smile and pretend everything is ok. Maybe someone will have some divine advice, but it's hard to be hopeful for anything now adays. Just needed to vent. Not sure if it helped.",0.9204,positive,terrified 27,depressed,Progression of depression...,listener_1,2,"I feel you mate! Knowing what to do with your life takes time, time as in years. Think like this, what or where do you want to be in the next couple of years? Who do you want to be? Find something that is worth waking up in the morning for. I sometimes help homeless/poor people on the streets by giving them clothing, food or money. By doing that I feel like a better person and I start to appreciate my self much more. Also, try to find friends that has something in common. Going on a concert alone and meet new people with the same interest. Also, if you just need to talk with someone I am more than willing to help. Just send me a PM whenever you feel like. Maybe skype? :)",0.9823,positive,caring 27,depressed,Progression of depression...,speaker,3,"So just give time, time?",0.0,neutral,questioning 27,depressed,Progression of depression...,speaker,4,"I appreciate it, I'm a lot better today, but I'm sure you are familiar with how it goes. Some days are better than others.",0.8625,positive,grateful 27,depressed,Progression of depression...,listener_1,5,"Yeah something like that. Sometime later you might stumble upon a girl/boy that you want to spend the rest of your life with, or? As I wrote before, PM whenever you feel like. I'll be your reddit buddy! :)",0.8687,positive,questioning 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,speaker,1,"I'm planning on overdosing tomorrow. I'm so tired of life. I don't see a point in life. I just wanted to tell someone.. EDIT: I'm doing this by taking well over 3,000 milligrams of Bupropion. At least it will be a fun death, right? Haha. I' have a fucked up sense of humor... ",-0.5486,negative,ashamed 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,listener_1,2,"Life's a bitch, I agree, but there is a point in life, and that is to search for that point (hope that makes sense). You may have to fight for it, but eventually you will find it and by ending it before you find that point is kind of a waste, so don't do it. One of the things that helps me is getting things off my chest, maybe you should give it a try, I'm pretty sure the reddit community wouldn't mind listening.",0.775,positive,agreeing 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,speaker,3,I don't know anything I need to get off my chest...I don't really keep things inside. My life is an open book for anyone that asks. ,0.0,neutral,trusting 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,listener_1,4,"Well, if you don't mind (feel free to not answer), why do you want to end your life?",-0.0777,negative,questioning 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,speaker,5,Lack of motivation. No sight of a future. ,-0.2732,negative,sad 28,depressed,I'm doing it tomorrow...,listener_1,6,"Are you not motivated because you are not interested in what you are doing currently? Are there hobbies or interests that brings enjoyment? For example, when I feel extremely crappy and tired, I usually go for a bike ride to get my mind off of things. So, I guess biking would be my hobby.",-0.7618,negative,questioning 29,depressed,Apparently I can't even bring up the most basic social skills.,speaker,1,"So, I have [ergophobia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ergophobia) as a form of social anxiety and the fear of failing. At my school it is necessary to do an internship in a kindergarten and in a hospital for half a year to pass the year. Until now, I could deal with it. Of course, as a person with social anxiety it is probably the worst thing to work in a kindergarten or a hospital but since I have to go there only every two weeks I have time to catch a breath in between. Well, I have been working at the hospital for two weeks now and last week, my teacher visited them and asked them if they were content with me (that's a normal procedure) and they told her that they were not. Allegedly I am unfriendly to the patients and don't seem to enjoy it. Which is absolutely not true. Despite my anxiety, I like to care for people and I am always very nice (smiling all the time, acting light-hearted (which even was too much, I think, because one patient maybe made a bit fun of it, lol)), at least I thought that. After the shitty job at the kindergarten I really was like ""Hey, finally something I like. Maybe I should even become a nurse"". Then my teacher told me this and I really don't want to go back there now. I am on ""probation"" now for two days and if I am not improving, I am fired and expelled from school as a consequence. I never thought it were *that* bad. Apparently I am even failing if I have the feeling everything is fine. I am working there for only two weeks now. How can one make such a bad impression in only two weeks? And I mean, I'm doing anything to seem nice and happy and everything (I am a bit of a melancholic person and maybe have depression) and I really thought it would work. I can't do more. It's exhausting already and I just *am not* that kind of person. I've been crying for four days constantly and thought about killing myself. Would be so easy. In two days I have to go back there and I really don't want to. I've thought about dropping out of school but 1. this whole fucking year would have been for nothing (and it's over in 1,5 months), 2. I want to delay having to work (after this year this internship is over and then I have to go to school a few years without having to do any internship again) and 3. all of the jobs I would like require this school. But I really don't know. Also, these social skills are important anytime in my life. By dropping out of school it doesn't change anything. I basically can't run away. I just don't think I am really ""made"" for life or that I can ever handle this. *Sorry about this mess and wall of a text (English is not my native language) and sorry if this seems petty. Just wanted to vent.* **TL;DR or didn't understand: I'm afraid of failing and have social anxiety and I'm currently doing an internship at a hospital which is necessary for school. Thought everything was fine there, was told then that the employees at the hospital were totally unhappy with me because I seem unfriendly. If I don't improve I'm fired and expelled from school in 2 days. Depressed, crying and suicidal for 4 days now because apparently I'm no good for anything.**",-0.9945,negative,afraid 29,depressed,Apparently I can't even bring up the most basic social skills.,listener_1,2,"You're not worthless, you're simply reaching a wall in your life. The wall can be overcome like every wall before it, just remember that. If this is really tough for you, I suggest you go to a therapist and see if you can talk to them about any sort of treatment or medicine you could take. If that's not a choice, then there's still much more you can do. Are your teachers aware of your ergophobia? Maybe you should talk to them about it and even your coworkers at the hospital. Just be open and say you're nervous and any sort of help would be great. Don't be afraid of failing, it's necessary in life and our failures only make us stronger. We're like a sword being forged, every single blow of the hammer simply makes us stronger, more durable and ready for our future. Just be honest with them and i'm sure they'll help you get comfortable. You're not worthless at all or unfriendly, you seem like a nice person who's just under a lot of pressure. Don't worry, it happens to everyone. If you need anything, you can message me.",0.9808,positive,suggesting 29,depressed,Apparently I can't even bring up the most basic social skills.,listener_2,3,Really? Every blow I take just makes me more bitter and more anxious and more mistrustful. The center cannot hold.,-0.6582,negative,sad 29,depressed,Apparently I can't even bring up the most basic social skills.,speaker,4,"My teachers would just say that either I am able to handle it or not and if I'm not, I shouldn't even go to a work-related school. We have a girl in class who is often sick because of a chronic illness (I don't know what exactly) and they basically told her that she shouldn't go to this school if she is sick so often (because you can't be absent so much in work life, too, etc.). I made hints to a teacher I trusted at another school a year ago when I was struggling with another problem but he brushed me off and probably thought I was exaggerating. > We're like a sword being forged, every single blow of the hammer simply makes us stronger, more durable and ready for our future. When I was a kid this statement was true but now not so much anymore, lol. Thanks for your help and kind words but I think talking to somebody won't help me in this situation. If anything, only I can fix this.",0.9694,positive,angry 29,depressed,Apparently I can't even bring up the most basic social skills.,listener_1,5,"I'm sorry, I thought I had replied to this and it never went through. It's not the damage the blow does, but rather how we allow it to shape us. Going through depression, we're somewhat like molten steel. Everything has a major effect on us and it's up to us to decide how it affects us. We decide whether that center holds, we decide how we let the blows shape us and what becomes of us. No one decides who we are, what we have the right to become nor do they have the right to hold us down and keep us down. That doesn't mean we can't rely on some help from others when we need it to pull through. If you tell yourself the center cannot hold, then it might not. However, if you take the blows and mold your experiences into a stronger blade then you'll come out of each blow stronger than you were before the last. It starts with ourselves, that's the key to it.",0.8087,positive,sad 30,depressed,Not quite sure how to put it all,speaker,1,So my whole life has been a series of forced abandonments due to moving all around the country and I never really learned how to be social and make friends. I'm still pretty introverted and spend most of my time listening to music and playing video games. I want to talk to people but I feel like they don't want to make the time. Going to college in a Mormon school and struggling with my beliefs makes it really hard to make friends. I feel judged quite often and all and all alone in the world. I get so tired of hearing people spit off this religious/preachy rant that makes me feel worse about myself. I'm not sure how I can continue to handle all this. I feel as though my struggles won't end. There is so much more that goes on but I don't know if I want to put it all down...,-0.9425,negative,lonely 30,depressed,Not quite sure how to put it all,listener_1,2,"No matter how many times you fail, all it takes is one more attempt to succeed.",-0.0285,neutral,hopeful 30,depressed,Not quite sure how to put it all,listener_2,3,"[meetup](http://www.meetup.com) *^if ^this ^link ^is ^offensive ^or ^incorrect, ^reply ^with ^""remove"". ^\(Abusers ^will ^be ^banned ^from ^removing.)*",-0.8625,negative,angry 31,depressed,"Follow up: ""I'm doing it tomorrow...""",speaker,1,"Well...I took 3 grams of Wellbutrin throughout the course of the night. When the sun came up, as I stayed up all night, I got ready for school; put my death letters on my desk; and prepared to say my goodbye's to my friends. When I looked in the mirror while I was getting ready it had hit me what I had done. I had begun to end my life, when I am only very young and have not even experienced the majority of my life. I broke down in tears and went downstairs and told my parents I had overdosed. We immediately went to the ER and I told ym parents I was sorry and that I knew it was too late as the medicine was already into my system. They couldn't pump my stomach because, as I had said, it was too late. The last thing I remember was eating scrambled eggs and then proceeding to throw them up. After 5 minutes I had my first seizure. My dad was the only one in the room with me besides the nurse. The nurse had no idea what to do and immediately ran for the doctor. All my father could do was sit there and watch me as my eyes rolled back into my head and I started to die. I was medivaced to the ICU at Vidant medical center which is a leading hospital where my father had previously been treated at. I survived through that seizure and had multiple smaller ones over the course of two days. I do not remember those days. Apparently I was awake but I was out of it and I was hallucinating. I was transferred to the pediatric ward after another day when I was stable but still throwing up. After 3 days in the pediatric unit I was medically stable and able to keep food down so I was transferred to Bryn Marr mental hospital. I stayed there for a week during my treatment and was released today. I realized, while I was in there, the result of my actions. I effected my parents and my closest friends. My father said to me that he continues to have flashbacks of me on the table in the ER having my seizure and that he cried himself to sleep nearly everynight for the past 2 weeks. I hope my story has made some of you re-think suicide. It is not worth it and life will never be that bad. Please think about what you are doing and please consider the effects and the destruction you will cause if you go through with it. Life will always get better. I can't take back what I did and I can't take back the sadness, grief, and heartache I have caused the ones around me and the guilt of that will stay with me forever. Just push through life and make it better, yourself. You can do it. Live for the ones who have made the mistake I did but did not survive. I love you all. Ask questions if you please. ",-0.6219,negative,ashamed 31,depressed,"Follow up: ""I'm doing it tomorrow...""",listener_1,2,I feel so happy for you...,0.6948,positive,sentimental 32,depressed,I don't want to be like this anymore,speaker,1,"No one I know likes me, they might not dislike me but they certainly don't like me this is both offline and online. It's become more apparently so lately, I've always had this hunch that I'm disliked, it's all down to me being a negative person all the time. Even when I try to be positive nothing changes. There's nobody to console me at all, because most of the time they just laugh at me or ignore me or at least that's what I assume they'd do since they've done it before. I feel as if I disappeared, not one person would care as there's always someone who can replace me which has been shown many times in my life. I posted this here just to get it out SOMEWHERE without being laughed at, even when posting it here I had second thoughts. I think I'm just forever destined to be alone. edit: this probably seems to be pathetic getting this upset over this but I am",-0.9134,negative,lonely 32,depressed,I don't want to be like this anymore,listener_1,2,"Hey dude if the group of ""friends"" don't like you find new ones, there's like 5 billion people in this world, there has got to be thousands of people in this world that would enjoy your company :p",0.8267,positive,jealous 32,depressed,I don't want to be like this anymore,speaker,3,"I wish it was that simple, I have problems with making friends, well not problems I'm just awkward when it comes to that and even then I don't know how to.",0.7057,positive,embarrassed 32,depressed,I don't want to be like this anymore,listener_2,4,"It used to be really hard for me to make new friends. I always relied on people I knew to introduce me to other people. My problem was that I didn't really like the people I knew, so it was just a spiral downward. Occasionally I would meet someone cool but it was too distant. I was able to turn this around for some part by literally forcing myself to be more social. Like, directly social. I started small, looking people in the eyes as they walked by, smile and saying hi. Then it was people standing in line at Starbucks (or wherever). I don't necessarily make friends by saying hi on the sidewalk, but the little steps help in different ways. It's something I'm still working on, but I feel it's helped me tremendously as a person and I see new opportunities to get to know people. I sincerely hope the best for you.",0.977,positive,lonely 33,depressed,Best friend left me.,speaker,1,"I've been depressed for a while now. This year I hit an all time low. I also, came so close to happiness, yet so far away. At the beginning of the year I made a great friend AN AMAZING friend, the best friend I've ever had and ever will have had, but about a month ago. I saw something. She'd began to replace me. With a mutual friend of ours. I've been replaced before. I saw it coming. I never thought it would happen. I couldn't imagine life without her. But now I see it was impossible for me to imagine life without her because without her, there isn't much life to live. I know it seems strange but if you have ever loved someone that much I'm sure you'll understand. I try to put on a small so I don't hurt those around me, but when it rains all day in your own little world it's hard to even find reason to get out of bed. I just want to make people smile. Recently I've been planning suicide. Writing the note, then backing down, I'm too much of a coward. I confide in very few people and recently two out of the three have betrayed my trust and I'm trying to forgive them, but it's difficult. And the third person i trust is the alleged ""best friend"" I spoke of before. I have no one left to talk to. And I feel like an idiot for even having to write this but redditors, you're all I have left. ",0.981,positive,devastated 33,depressed,Best friend left me.,listener_1,2,"Happened to me with a group of ""friends "" in the eighth grade. Ever since then I have had trust issues with people as well. I fucking hate people because they never give me a chance. And they wonder why I am always angry or grumpy. I think about suicide everyday but I never do it.",-0.2838,negative,trusting 33,depressed,Best friend left me.,speaker,3,"I understand what you mean. A lot of people now say they want to try to understand me then get frustrated and diss me for not immediately trusting them, I don't care if you sign a legal contract I will never trust anyone with my personal issues again, at least in the near future ",-0.8477,negative,agreeing 34,depressed,Human,speaker,1,I don't even feel human today. My thoughts are scary as fuck. Just want to be normal and happy. I see no way out and no way to make life better.,-0.4939,negative,afraid 34,depressed,Human,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel. One day I couldn't think anything at all. I could feel where a knife would go straight through my heart everything I was thinking was some form of sadness, why I shouldn't be alive, all of my faults, the bad things I've done to others. I was in school at the time and I literally had to walk over to the corner and sit down. I couldn't think of anyway to fix my life and I felt as if I was spiraling downwards into an abyss of depression. But the feelings pass and hopefully it will get better. Recently my life has been getting better though everything seems to falling apart now, again. But there's always a way to get up again. You'll find a way out, I am sure. I wish the best for you. ",0.9613,positive,sad 34,depressed,Human,speaker,3,"Thanks man, I'm off work now and at home so at least I can get my mind off of it a bit. Just so fucking tired of being broke having a shitty job, that I'm always worried about being fired from because of my depression issues. Just don't see a lot of options right now. ... Been a hard day.",-0.9507,negative,content 35,depressed,Posts are not showing up on reddit. I need a hug.,speaker,1,Please? :),0.6486,positive,questioning 35,depressed,Posts are not showing up on reddit. I need a hug.,listener_1,2,*hugs /u/Maniaxe614* feeling better?,0.765,positive,questioning 35,depressed,Posts are not showing up on reddit. I need a hug.,speaker,3,No.,0.0,neutral,afraid 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,speaker,1,"Have been depressed for so many years. Had three tries on girls all of them are a failure.. worse, it made me look like a creep, a weirdo. I feel I got nobody to tell what I really feel and even if someone listens they'll just call me a whiny faggot who has little bitch syndrome. I got lots of friends but I don't know if I can call them friends. They just treat me like the lowest of low in the circle of friends. They just think I'm fine, laughing at their own bad jokes, accompanying them but I feel no happiness on it. My self-esteem got very low and my self-hatred just got worse I am even the most pessimistic person in my town. Everyday I always have this suicidal thoughts. Like never waking up, hanging inside my room. Jumping on a three story building. I really hate myself. I really do. I wish I just die and rot away. It got even worse on the third girl I was courting. Got even traumatized when I got friendzone again. My appearance is very messy, my room's messed up, and honestly when I look myself at the mirror I do look like a creep, a weirdo, a whiny loner. Please can someone motivate me to die? I'll just be forgotten when I die anyways.",-0.9918,negative,ashamed 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,listener_1,2,"I'm thinking the same thing right now. I have exactly zero friends, no gf, live alone. No cats, even. But my desire to do something great and have people remember my name is what keeps me alive at the end of the day. Take this from me, friends and relationships are not the only things there in life. Work hard, make a name for yourself and all of them will come. Even if they don't, it would be a much better life to live than this one. >I'll just be forgotten when I die anyways P.S : I won't forget you, redditor. But don't die please.",0.9471,positive,lonely 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,speaker,3,"The only thing that makes me live is the online games I played. I know it sounds stupid but it's like they're the only thing I got. They're just my scapegoat on this cruel reality. It makes me sad that no one in my friends play the games that I play. Whatever the world I got into I'm always alone. Even if I talk to someone with this. I feel so much numbness and brings awkwardness to the conversation. In fact, I don't feel any motivation from your post or any other motivating posts from /r/suicidewatch. But I do appreciate it. I really do. It's just that I feel so lonely. So very lonely right now.",-0.904,negative,lonely 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,listener_2,4,"You aren't alone in feeling lonely, friend. Best wishes to you",0.7827,positive,wishing 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,speaker,5,loneliness is contagious. it really is.,-0.6369,negative,neutral 36,depressed,why can't I just die?,listener_3,6,No you won't. ,-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,speaker,1,"I’m 19. I have never had any true friends, no girlfriends, and no purpose. My parents loved me and provided me with everything I could have ever needed growing up, but I was always sort of lonely and different from the other children. I wasted my childhood sitting alone with my nose in video games and I have almost no fond memories from it, just empty feelings. Not one thing in this world gives me a reason to want to stay alive. I wish more than anything that I could just end my life, but it would cause my parents and sister too much grief. I love them too much to do that to them. I don’t know what else to say… I’m only living for the day that both of my parents pass away and my sister grows up, so that there will be no one left to suffer when I take myself out of this world. I’m trapped in my own limbo, and I cry silently almost every night thinking about it. I don’t want them to know because I can’t imagine how it would make them feel. I don’t fear death; I fear what mine will leave behind. I don’t want sympathy from anyone. I only needed to share my thoughts.",-0.9842,negative,lonely 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,listener_1,2,"What makes you happy? I know you must be so depressed but everyone has something that calms their hearts and makes them smile. Go after it, try talking to new people. It's hard to expect everything to come to you, you gotta go out and get it. Start trying new things, take your sister out if you don't wanna be alone make a good memory with her. You can't just make your self happy by one thing it's all the little things you do to try to be happy that makes your happy ",0.9876,positive,joyful 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,speaker,3,Lots and lots of recreational drugs,0.0,neutral,agreeing 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,listener_2,4,"The thing about drugs is, I think of it as a fad of some sort. Like, ""oh I'm cool because I do weed with my friends"". I think its rather childish. But then again I spend hours on my xbox. Are you school and/or work?",0.5106,positive,surprised 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,speaker,5,Yeah I'm in my first year of college and currently job hunting as well. I was joking about the drug thing though. Maybe just a little weed here and there ,0.6369,positive,suggesting 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,listener_2,6,I'm in my 2nd year of a community college. I want to transfer out to a bigger college but I'm not even sure I'm eligible for scholarships since my gpa kinda sucks. What is your major?,-0.6253,negative,questioning 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,speaker,7,Professional communications ,0.0,neutral,proud 37,depressed,I Think About it Every Night,listener_3,8,"Me and you man,same exact feelings. I feel so hollow,i don't have any fond memories with people i would like to call my friends.I know those feels ",0.0243,neutral,agreeing 38,depressed,"Saw this subreddit in a rage comic, I'd like to share my recent break up",speaker,1,"Let me start by telling you about my dating views. Its this; everyone has one heart, so everyone has one true love. So many people today are going from person to person, throwing out ""love"" like its nothing. I've tried talking to many girls, even asking a few out. But this one was completely different, I knew this one had to be the one. Her name was Danielle, and she was a sophomore while I was a junior. She invited me to see a movie after getting her number from a friend, and after that day I knew she had to be mine. I spent a month on her. I took her out, I went to her house, she came to mine. I asked her out almost every week, but she kept telling me she didn't wan a boyfriend, she just wanted to be alone. Yet every day we'd go out somewhere, every night she'd drive to my house and we'd make out in the back of her dads car, and every other time we would be texting. Finally after a month of her saying ""I like you, but I don't want a boyfriend."" every day, she finally said yes. My very first girlfriend. We spent a year together, literally nonstop. She would come to my house, I'd go to hers. Sometimes we would spend 5 days of being together nonstop. We didn't do anything, just sit and watch tv, sometimes get naked. I'm an only child so my parents would be at work and we would be all alone. We never did anything, just sit and watch tv, but it was nice to not be alone for once. Our relationship lasted for a year and we experienced everything together. Vacations, birthdays, holidays, and everything else. But two weeks ago she started to ruin our relationship. Starting two weeks ago she started spending time with my best friend, my bro, Tory. She would do what we did with him, she would rather sleep in the same room as him, she would rather watch tv with him, she would rather just be with him. After 5 days of this I confronted her and she said she started developing feelings for him. The next day I found out he had feelings for her, and later that night she wanted to be with him. I was crushed. My one and only love, the girl I had marriage and living plans with, was seeing my best friend. Her reason? She was confused. She told me that she was confused, I asked her to stop seeing him and to think whether or not she wanted to be with me. She didn't listen. When I asked to talk she said ""I need time alone"", when I asked to hang out it was ""I need space"". Yet every day she continued to see Tory. I dealt with this for a week, telling her how much I loved her, spilling my heart out to her, and yet she pushed me aside and kept seeing Tory. After a week of this I just quit. I couldn't do any more. I have a few friends, but with all of us graduated high school they're usually busy, so I have almost no one to be around with. Danielle left me for Tory, even though she first said she didn't want him and he was gross (last year), and last week she didn't want to date him. I have nothing to do, just to sit at home and think about her. I've had suicidal thoughts, I don't eat because I don't have a need to, I don't shower for the same reason. Video games are pointless now because after I die I just give up. I'm empty, I'm lonely, and I have no one in my life now. She cut me off from my friends who are girls, and I don't know how to approach a girl anymore to try to ask them out, I don't even want to right now. All I want is Danielle, and she's never going to come back in my life. In short, one and only love of my life leaves me for bro after a year-long relationship, leaving me to be alone and cry, not eat, and be depressed. Sorry for making this so long, I tried to include everything while making it short. Thanks for reading",0.9681,positive,faithful 38,depressed,"Saw this subreddit in a rage comic, I'd like to share my recent break up",listener_1,2,"First loves suck, I know everyone throws around the word love a lot like you say but I understand that there is more then one true love most of the time. It's hard to get over them but isn't it better to have felt that love then to feel nothing at all. This is not the girl and your friend I don't think is your best friend really, but think of it in a way you are one step closer to being with the one. The one who will be your best friend and care for you in every way possible. But you kinda need to eat and look presentable to get her. I'm not saying the girl for you will come right away so take your time to pull yourself together but be happy you are alive smell the roses and know you are gonna find someone better for you. ",0.996,positive,lonely 38,depressed,"Saw this subreddit in a rage comic, I'd like to share my recent break up",speaker,3,"What makes it even worse is I'm trying to stay friends with her. I try to talk normally to her but she changes it to her and Tory. She's been banned from seeing him, yet the other day she told me ""I like the way he touches me. Plus he's getting better at kissing"". I want to try to make things work with her, but not when I keep hearing things like this",0.9161,positive,annoyed 39,depressed,Why can't I be her Stephanie?,speaker,1,"I met her my freshman year of high school. I was new to the area on account of my patents recent divorce. The only person in the school that I knew prier to moving and the divorce was my childhood friend, Lana, who moved to the area in her late elementary school years. I called her before school started to tell her about how nervous I was to not know anybody. I found out sometime later that she told all of her friends about me in a 'I feel really sorry for her' kind of way, basically begging them to befriend me. When I found out that Lana did that, I was pretty embarrassed and mad, but now I guess I sort of owe her a 'thank you.' Anyway, back on topic. I met her my freshman year in Spanish class. I sat at the table group beside hers. I made some-what friends with my table group, but that quickly ended. One day, when every single person at my group was a set except myself, this girl, Raven, asked me if I wanted to sit with her and her group, since they had one empty seat in their group of supposed-to-be four. I knew she was a friend of Lana's so I accepted her offer. It was the best and worst decision of my life. We quickly became friends, but it wasn't until the summer after Sophomore year that anything happened. I told her as a joke that I was going to live with her this summer. She replied, ""Go ahead. My parents don't care."" I didn't exactly move in, but I spent about 70% of my summer at her house, and when I wasn't there she was either at mine or on vacation. One of our mutual friends were having a birthday party. It was just the four of us: Lacey, Haley (The birthday girl), Raven, and myself. Haley was turning 16 and God knows how big of a deal it is for a girl, so we all decided to get extremely shit faced. Haley had a tiny little pool in her backyard, so after her mother went to sleep Lacey called her own 'mom' and got the alcohol. We began to night swim and get drunk. Us, being a sort of awkward, cliché group of girls, started to play Truth or Dare. Raven picking 'dare' that night was probably the best thing that happened to me. She was dated to kiss me. That's all it was and it started this hell of a roller-coaster ride. She kissed me in the pool infront of our two friends. It automatically sent chills through me. I started to lust for her affection right at that moment. I have never experienced such a sudden feeling of wanting. It was strange. We all continued to play, and I acted as if I was completely unaffected by the kiss. Later, we went back into Haley's room and continued playing after finishing off all the vodka we had purchased (which, I have to say, was a bit of a lot). We were all just having a fun time. I kept catching myself looking at Raven, wanting for her to kiss me again. We all just sat around goofing off until we tired. Haley, being the selfish little cunt she still is, took her bed. ALL OF IT. She didn't offer to share her full size bed at all. Lacey slept in Haley's giant chair. It was one of those really comfortable circle chairs. Raven and I slept on the floor with a few blankets as a mattress. Lacey and Haley fell asleep quickly leaving me and Raven to drunkenly ramble about what colors tasted like (we were so drunk). I looked over unable to hide it any longer and just kissed her. She instantly kissed back and we ended up having sex right there in the floor while our friends were sleeping. Classy right? Anyway, it was the sloppiest, drunkest sex ever. I loved every minute of it. I still remember it to this day. It fueled the fire to our ""relationship."" After that drunk encounter there were many more. All the while, Raven had a girlfriend by the way. Stephanie. She was so unworthy of her. It still pisses me off to this day how much she effects Raven. Anyway, there were several drunk encounters between Raven and I since the first. SEVERAL. We would get drunk, fool around, and the next day act like it never happened as to avoid any awkward situations. Until one day. One day after a drunken night with her, she texted me mentioning how we always act. That night, she confessed her feelings and I did the same. We were secretly a thing. Our relationship began. September 1st. That date still upsets me, as does the first of every month. Her (now ex) girlfriend didn't like us being together. One night at a school football game, Stephanie came up to me and pushed me from behind when I was walking with Raven. I turned around and immediately became defensive. She just stood there when I asked her, ""What are you going to do, Stephanie?"" so I just turned around and began to walk off. She tackled me from behind. I was completely off-guard. It was an unfair fight. We both got suspended. 5 days. But the thing I got that night that she didn't was Raven. I had her. It was great, I felt complete. I loved her. One night a few weeks after the fight, she left me. She still had feelings for Stephanie that apparently were re-awoken when we fought. My heart broke. I didn't have her. We stayed 'best friends.' She never got back together with Stephanie, but still wouldn't come back. I promised her the night she left me I would wait for her. I kept that promise. I would still take her back with no hesitation. Being her 'best friend' was more painful than the breakup. She would call me crying about how much she missed her precious Stephanie. I would sit and listen to her complain for hour on end about whoever she was interested in. It was so hard. It hurt so much to see her so upset about Stephanie not wanting her. Everything she felt about Stephanie or her other 'love' Ane', I feel about her. I long for her kiss, attention, body. We just graduated our senior year. I'm still in love with her. She still won't give me the time of day. My heart breaks everytime she complains about someone else. It's getting to hard to deal with. ",0.996,positive,trusting 39,depressed,Why can't I be her Stephanie?,listener_1,2,That was such a moving story. I hope you find the strength to move on.,0.7269,positive,consoling 39,depressed,Why can't I be her Stephanie?,speaker,3,"It's getting harder now. We're planning to move in together for college, since we are bestfriends after all. We can only afford a one bedroom apartment which is going to make it harder. We'll be sharing a bed and a house. ",0.4215,positive,lonely 39,depressed,Why can't I be her Stephanie?,speaker,4,"Heh.. It does seem like a movie doesn't it? Sadly, movies usually have good endings, and this...well...not so much. I'm going over to Raven's house today, and I'm actually going to try to talk about all of my feelings openly before we go to bed tonight. We'll see how it works. I'll probably just make a fool out of myself again. ",0.4993,positive,anxious 40,depressed,How do I learn to like myself?,speaker,1,"I don't really like who I am. I'm not good at anything, I'm boring, my best quality is I'm a good listener. I'm just not sure how to change? I'm not really sure who I want to be. Whenever I try knew things I suck at it. Example, I started playing guitar about a year ago and I'm pretty much at the same level as when I started even though I play it on a weekly basis. I find that social interactions tire me, yet I wish I could have a group of friends and get out more. What can I do to just start liking myself? I keep reading ""accept who you are and then others will like you too"", but I honestly don't know who I am. I want to be someone I'm proud of, someone I'd want to be around. Is it useless? Help?",0.9585,positive,disappointed 40,depressed,How do I learn to like myself?,listener_1,2,"I've probably been depressed for the better half of my life; to me there's a big difference between liking yourself and accepting yourself. I think most people do not like themselves from time to time, but when you're depressed it may be all the time. Personally I hate many things about myself - I hate that I'm passive and lack initiative which has led me to not ask the girl out or try to attempt something outside of my comfort zone. But I accept that I am what I am; sure some things you can change like dieting or personal health but I can't force myself to be outgoing or sociable when I prefer not too. I just accept that's what I am and have to learn to live with the results or lack of. This is not to say that I haven't shown glimpses of being outgoing, I just tend to not be so sociable. You don't have to like you, you just have to accept and live with you. And for the guitar playing, hang in there. I've played since I was about 10 and I've gone through periods of progress and periods where I don't advance at all. Play guitar for you - don't worry about your skill level. I use mine as a venting outlet.",0.979,positive,ashamed 40,depressed,How do I learn to like myself?,speaker,3,"Thanks, that's true about the guitar playing. I love playing for myself and I actually love writing my own songs... its just when I hear people my age (21) who are so accomplished and talented already I feel very defeated. But, how did you go about accepting yourself?",0.9023,positive,questioning 40,depressed,How do I learn to like myself?,listener_1,4,"Maybe I haven't reached acceptance yet, I just live with it. I have unhealthy tendencies to abuse substances - my counselor thinks I'm an alcoholic or nearly one. For me it's a matter of just living with it - sure I might not enjoy most of it but there's really no other choice. ",-0.8419,negative,content 41,depressed,I need some help removing these thoughts,speaker,1,"To start off I'm going to tell you that I am just a kid. I know that Reddit really doesn't want to hear about the problems of a hormonal teenager, so I won't get into any gritty detail. Basically I am tired. Really tired. Tired of a lot of things, and this is pretty cynical, but I'm not interested in anything. I've been thinking a lot about life and all that stuff for a while now and it just doesn't seem like it's worth living. I realize that my problems are small compared to everyone else's, but still... I just don't want to have problems in the future. I have been depressed for a long time now. Originally I thought that it would go away and I would be fine and it would all be over soon. It's been almost three years now and it's getting worse. Of course I don't think medical treatment is going to do much good. What I really want to focus on is getting the thought that 'life is worse than death' out of my head. I have talked to a friend about some of this stuff, but I can tell that he doesn't know what to do. I don't have a lot of people to talk to so I am turning to you guys. Do you have any advice on how to get rid of this thought? I really appreciate any help that you guys can offer, I haven't had much so far.",-0.9477,negative,content 41,depressed,I need some help removing these thoughts,listener_1,2,Hey man cheer up. Just give time some time and you will feel better. In the mean time you could join me on skype? :p Do you play any games?,0.9034,positive,questioning 41,depressed,I need some help removing these thoughts,speaker,3,"I do play games, but not a lot of multiplayer. I've been pretty busy as of late as well, but thank you for offering.",0.8979,positive,neutral 41,depressed,I need some help removing these thoughts,listener_1,4,"I see, np! PM me whenever you need someone to talk to :))",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 42,depressed,No one cares...,speaker,1,...about all of you attention whores. Grow up and do something with your life instead of being depressed.,-0.8074,negative,questioning 42,depressed,No one cares...,speaker,2,Depression isn't a disease either.,-0.5719,negative,neutral 42,depressed,No one cares...,speaker,3,"Last time I checked, people can do pretty much whatever they want on the internet.",0.5423,positive,neutral 43,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I'm brushed off",speaker,1,"People always say you should talk about your depression and your feels. Well, I actually want to do that sometimes. But I think I'm just not taken seriously. When I was in 10th grade, my teacher asked what was wrong with me lately and I wanted to tell him (I don't even know why) about my paranoia (at that time) and depression but he didn't listen and went on without me finishing my first sentence. Talked to my best friend about it, she started to curse at me. We're not friends anymore. There are more occasions like this. People brushing me off, getting angry, making fun of me etc. I don't even know why I made a post about that. Guess I just wanted to get it off my chest and pity myself a bit.",-0.804,negative,embarrassed 43,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I'm brushed off",listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you feel that way. I can't really guess one reason you might be feeling this way, but I think you should tell the listener that you feel like you're being brushed off whenever you do. Some people really want to help but they sometimes don't realize that listening comes before everything else. They're too busy giving advises or trying to evaluate the situation. I hope you have someone out there that won't just brush you off.",0.9445,positive,sympathizing 43,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I'm brushed off",listener_2,3,"I've had similar experiences, even with my current best friend, and I've realized the best person you can talk to is a therapist. Find a good therapist who can offer you advice and just listen to you. That's what they're there for. ",0.9382,positive,trusting 43,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I'm brushed off",listener_2,4,I meant to reply to the op. oops,0.0,neutral,ashamed 44,depressed,Should i seek help?,speaker,1,"Hello. At what point are you certain you need help? Like profesionel help? Angry/sad most of my time... The last 3-4 year ive been hiding more and more behind a computer. i mean, im 22, and im regretting most of my life. i mean, im pretty sure that if certain people in my life died, i would just take the jump. Not that im feeling very suicidal, because i find death quite borring, but i mean, if certain people around me died, i would have abseloutely no reason to live. Does that say enough?",-0.8648,negative,sad 44,depressed,Should i seek help?,listener_1,2,"If you don't have any plans to do something yourself, maybe, and this may seem to be in stark contrast to what I just said, but maybe do something for yourself by talking to somebody. If you think you can handle it yourself, and you'll actually make moves to handle it (Easy. Does it. Meaning take on one thing a day for yourself to do, do that thing for a week straight, two weeks, add on a little bit. I started out doodling for 10 mins a day. Looking up cool but useless arts and crafts on the internet that I can copy. Listen to a new song. Explore life a bit, y'know. Enjoy the little things, but actively create them in your life. You take on too much at once though, you crash, so easy does it.) then I am of the opinion that doing it yourself is far more powerful in the end. I find daily to do lists are awesome, even if they're repetitive, they're incredible for making your day feel meaningful. Example to do list: brush teeth, meditate 10 minutes, some push-ups, listen to a new song, write, draw, scream at the top of my lungs, climb a tree, walk barefoot for 5 mins, smoke a bowl, but just one, etc... Take care of yourself dude, good luck...",0.9903,positive,suggesting 44,depressed,Should i seek help?,speaker,3,"Thanks. Though, ill try to cut away the weed sometime.. Been smoking for like.. 4 years, i partly blame that for not having the youth i could o'so have enjoyed, without weed i woulndt have been the person i am today. But with it, i just hang with the friends alittlebit to much, its my heroine. ""Sera que, que"" and move on in my head... Then abit of workout and some healthy food woulndt hurt, but its such a deadbeat... Yo'now?",0.8749,positive,content 45,depressed,This hit me like a sack of bricks tonight.,speaker,1,"Talking to an acquaintance on skype, I had seen that she had changed her picture to her and this guy hugging. I asked her about it and it turned out to be her late bestfriend who took his life 3 years ago. To this day she still misses him, thinks about him and is still very much in love with him. I don't know why my mind instantly went to me , to the people in my life. I don't have anyone who would still keep me in their mind 3 yrs later. I have never touched someone's life deep enough to make an impression like that. It's irrational for me to think like this but I couldn't help going down that path. I don't have any close friends who I can say are as close as they were. I have fucking nothing and I hate it. It's irrational for me to get upset over this but i can't help it. It just touched me to a point where I had to reflect over my life and realize that no one in my life will ever love me or think of me like that. I""m nothing. It hurts, I hurt and I want it to stop",0.7128,positive,sentimental 45,depressed,This hit me like a sack of bricks tonight.,listener_1,2,"How about your parents, siblings or relatives? For now, don't even bother thinking about such things. I have had the same thoughts for quite a good while until it hit me that I actually have some people that care about me. People I took for granted which we often do but do not realize it until we really think about it! Second thing, it's no use siting and thinking of who will miss you when you die or let alone die in general. Live the life here and now, think of the future. After all death is inevitable but it wont make a change to think about it. I'd like to be your friend :) PM/add me on skype or whatever you feel like. It's not empathy/sympathy friendship, it would be fun to have a real friend without meeting face to face, or? :)",0.7935,positive,content 45,depressed,This hit me like a sack of bricks tonight.,speaker,3,Thanks Im trying pretty hard to just move on and not think about it but its hard. My relationship with my family isn't the best and Im pretty sure even if something happened i would be remembered for a short time. either way im doing a bit better now. Had a good day with my friends but still it lingers in my mind.,0.9501,positive,sad 45,depressed,This hit me like a sack of bricks tonight.,listener_1,4,That's good! PM me whenever you want to! :D,0.8324,positive,acknowledging 45,depressed,This hit me like a sack of bricks tonight.,speaker,5,Thanks. I'm doing better but still get that thought sometimes ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 46,depressed,"Im depressed, and alone.",speaker,1,"This is my first post on reddit, I barely know how to use it. But I've been reading other people's posts about their depression and I'd like to share a post about mine. I use to be a social butterfly, I use to make everyone laugh. Everyone liked me. But now days it seems like everyone wants to do drugs, get drunk and all that. And I'm not like that. And it's pulling me farther and farther away from society. Almost like, if you don't party then you don't have friends. I remember when parties were just a big group of friends and cracking jokes and doing dumb games. But now it's all about drinking and weed. I'm sorry but that's just something I don't want to be around. I'm also a musician. I love music. But when my band went into the studio, the studio guy was all about weed and trying new drugs. And eventually my whole band started smoking.. And now I'm just uncomfortable around them. And contemplating on whether or not I even want to be in the music business anymore. I have a girlfriend. Best girlfriend ever an I love her to death, we've been together almost 3 years. But just recently she started going to parties, smoking weed doing shrooms. I KNOW she'd never cheat on me but god damnit it makes me feel so alone, so utterly alone. And she's out getting high at parties and there's other guys there my mind can't help but wander... I've been cheated on so many times... If she ever cheated on me I don't know if I could go on. She's really my only friend now days... But my main question for this post... Is has anyone felt this way? Am I the only one not wanting to do drugs?! I grew up with drunk parents that got really mean when they were drunk, so that makes me stay away from drinking. Am I the only one that feels this way?!?! No friends and no body to talk to... I feel alone... I'm just so damn depressed... I don't know what to do...",-0.9414,negative,lonely 46,depressed,"Im depressed, and alone.",listener_1,2,"Oh wow, this is exactly my situation but without the girlfriend... It could always be worse man. I don't mind drinking so I go out with friends sometimes but I am staying completely away from drugs. Add me if you want, if you ever feel like having a chat I'd be up for it :) Edit: Alcohol can be fun but in moderation. I agree about people who get so drunk they can't stand but its nice to chill in the pub with a few pints.",0.954,positive,agreeing 46,depressed,"Im depressed, and alone.",speaker,3,"Ooohhh my god I just had the longest reply and my iPod died!! But anyways, I said.. Drunk and high people bother me and that they're annoying and obnoxious. Not to be rude... And that all parties are just druggies.. And that I'd get into the straight edge scene if there wasn't so much violence. And thanks for replying, it means a lot.. ",0.5864,positive,acknowledging 47,depressed,What do I do,speaker,1,"I don't even know what to write... I'm just sitting here, thinking about how alone I am... how my house feels like a prison... how I can't talk to women... I'm fucking 20.. I drink every night and pretty much have no social life.. I have no drive to go to school, I've already failed 2 years of classes and put myself in debt... I've been apathetic for years, I really never feel joy or happiness, I never laugh, I feel like I'm some awkward ugly washed up piece of shit.. I can't even look at people in the eye because in my head I think everyone is better and more important than me.. I just sit behind a computer and play games, go to work, come back and play games while everyone else is having a social life.. what the fuck do I do.. I often dream of being happy or not feeling alone, and when I wake up I hate my entire day, I just wanna go back to sleep and keep that dream alive.. sometimes I debate if I'm bipolar or even schizophrenic, because sometimes I'm social and sometimes I feel good about myself.. one day I set a goal plan and get excited, ready to change my life and work out and feel healthy, save up money and get my own car so I can get the hell out of this house, move to some city and get an apartment and get a puppy... but by the next day I already feel like giving up.. I want to go to a psychologist, but if I told my mom or stepdad I wanted to see one because I'm depressed they would just get pissed off at me and I don't even know what the first step to take is.. what to do",-0.6807,negative,lonely 47,depressed,What do I do,listener_1,2,"If you keep doing what you've been doing, you 'll keep getting what you've been getting. You mentioned drinking - people who drink to self-medicate are almost always more depressed as a result, not less. You feel good when you're buzzing but the next day, as your body processes the alcohol out, you end up worse. Stop drinking for a short time, say, a month, and see how you feel. Your idea to see the psychologist is a good one. Never mind what your parents will say. If you need help, then you need help! Would they ""get pissed"" if you broke your leg and went to the hospital? Even if they did, would you not go? People who do not have depression usually don't understand those who do. ",-0.5426,negative,disappointed 47,depressed,What do I do,speaker,3,"I appreciate the response, really I do. I'm gonna try with the drinking, I really only drink because I feel like I'm stuck in my room with nothing to do. I get so bored just sitting in here for hours. Either way, I'm gonna stop. What's the best way to find a psychologist? I have health insurance so I might just try and see if I can sneak in an appointment and get a ride from a friend or something without telling my parents about it. My parents get pissed at everything if it takes a moment from their lives. When I told them I had trouble concentrating in class in 5th grade, it took them almost 8 years to take me to the doctor. Always said it's just a bullshit excuse.",-0.5777,negative,grateful 47,depressed,What do I do,speaker,4,"Thanks for the response, I think I'm gonna try and sneak in an appointment, but how do I set one up?",0.2382,positive,questioning 47,depressed,What do I do,listener_1,5,"For the drinking: get some outside help, be it friends who will encourage you to not drink, AA, the church, something. Quitting drinking is a social experience. For the psychologist: Try calling the local city/county mental health services for a referral. Also, there's a 1-800 number to help you find a dentist, maybe there's a similar referral service/system for psychologists, too. Got a school psychologist that you can ask? Go to the local high school and talk to 'em. Don't blame your parents for your not taking action. It's easier, of course, but you're letting them control your life, and just making excuses for not doing things.",0.816,positive,suggesting 47,depressed,What do I do,listener_2,6,"If you have health insurance, you can go to your insurance's website to find a provider in your area. If no insurance, some universities let therapy grads practice under supervision. You can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (800-273-TALK), they are trained to listen, even if you aren't suicidal, and help you find options in your area. Best of luck! It does get better, but it takes time.",0.4867,positive,wishing 47,depressed,What do I do,speaker,7,"That last line ""Don't blame your parents for your not taking action. It's easier, of course, but you're letting them control your life, and just making excuses for not doing things."" I think I needed to hear that. Looking at it, I really am letting them control my life. I'll be looking at my insurance providers website and finding where I can go, Thank you for the help.",0.8488,positive,grateful 47,depressed,What do I do,speaker,8,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 48,depressed,Just needed to get this out,speaker,1,"**LONG POST** Hey guys! First post here ever. It's sad that it is in /r/depressed Anyways My mother is bothering me a lot. Here's my situation: Finished the gymnasium 1 year ago. Pursuing music dreams (plenty of goals achieved) Currently unemployed Poor Going to join the army in 1 month because I'll get some cash (so i can invest in my music, and escape everything for a while) The issue: My mother keeps on complaining on almost everything. Like everything is wrong. I know the deal; i live at her place for free, and I help her with the chores. But I'm feeling like a SLAVE! This sounds childish, but it has gone too far IMO. I do the: Dishes - no problem Laundry - no problem Cook - no problem (she has some diet so i cook my own food) Clean the whole house (vacuum, wash the floor, bathroom etc.) - no problem Fix technical issues (her phone, computer, tv) - slightly irritating. I'm not a manual lol The list can go on. My problem is that when she comes in my room (disturbs my music production by giving me negative thoughts) and starts complaining that i haven't done stuff. This happens almost every week. An actual quote after 6 days of not vacuuming: ""How can you live like this? There's dust everywhere! All this dirt make me depressed. Are you trying to kill me? I work my ass off so you can have somewhere to live, and you're just sitting in front of the computer (she knows I'm producing music. She knows I've got several songs signed. She knows people love my stuff) doing your stuff, not minding mine! We are humans, we don't live like pigs!!"" And then she stays mad at me for 3 days. That was just vacuum cleaning. 10 min talk about her failing as a mother an shit She once complained i was in my room too much, and when I went to the library every morning to study music theory (on my own), she complained I was never home. She doesn't want me to have a life. I have to do her bidding on her exact time. It feels like because i earn less than her, everything i do is irrelevant. Then we have some other issues like I'm single, don't have enough money to go out, dad is an alcoholic with a new family, bad contact with my older brother and sister, a lot of ""old/new friends"" that now remembers me because I've got shit on iTunes and I DJ but i really don't care about that. I just want my music to continue to go well, and better! But this stuff is like a wall of diarrhea , preventing me to think clearly. So to summon up my feelings: Family issues Pressure to do great stuff Lonely Poor Thank you for reading this. Feel free to share any thoughts or experiences. ",-0.9746,negative,content 48,depressed,Just needed to get this out,listener_1,2,"Sounds difficult, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I don't want to presume too much, but it seems like she has a lot on her plate and since you're the one she comes home to, she's taking it out on you. Did you two used to get along? Maybe you can spend time together outside the house enjoying each others' company. If cost is a concern, do something free. Walk around the park for an hour or so, that kind of thing. Dunno if that's relevant advice but hang in there either way. It sounds like you're being responsible and moving in a positive direction for yourself. Keep it up. BTW, links to your music? I'd like to hear it.",0.9798,positive,sympathizing 48,depressed,Just needed to get this out,speaker,3,"Thank you for the reply! Yes, I also think that she's under some kind of stress. Today I was cleaning the house again and all that stuff, and I asked her if she could cook for me so it would go faster, and she just replied with: ""Do your work."" Later on she made the meal and we ate dinner together. It was a nice gesture, but unnecessary response from her side. We usually just get along for a maximum of 4 days, before it all begins again. I'll try to have some real quality time with her before i join the military. I'll send you a link to my soundcloud!",0.7038,positive,surprised 48,depressed,Just needed to get this out,listener_1,4,"> We usually just get along for a maximum of 4 days, before it all begins again. You just described me and my dad. Fortunately, we don't live together so we get along most of the time. I hope things get better!",0.7263,positive,content 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",speaker,1,"Everything I read on self improvement completely goes beyond me. This is nothing more than a rant. Which is my life. With my next paycheck I will buy an old military rifle, just to have an exit strategy whenever my yet very good physical health starts to leave me aswell and makes my life even worse and finally unbearable. Fuck you all.",-0.5058,negative,angry 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear your life sucks, you'll either do something about it or you won't. You'll either get help ..or you won't. Bottom line? It's your life, your in charge..you are the engine of change, not the internet, not a single other person on the planet. Best of luck to you.",0.7964,positive,sympathizing 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",speaker,3,"LOL, send me your details, maybe I'll put your details in my will. You'll have to clean out the porn and bookmarks though. ....Sorry, I just couldn't match your insensivity.",0.7125,positive,suggesting 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",speaker,4,"I had a harsh breakup with what I'd call the love of my life, two years ago. I left her (in a very stupid manner) because I saw me unstoppably crossing that verge and didn't want to see her much younger life fall with me. I think of her everyday, and miss her everyday, and have no chance of getting her back. I don't think you do, but never make her feel your problems are her fault. You still have someone you love around you...",-0.4171,negative,faithful 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",speaker,5,"I know that one. But that's just the symptom, not the cause. This is a professional opinion, not mine.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 49,depressed,"41, m, no family, nothing accomplished, broke again and again, no friends, no hobbies except wasting time with games and porn on my ipad.",listener_2,6,"Stop rationalizing. Quit PMO for 90 days, then talk! ",-0.3595,negative,angry 50,depressed,It is so dark right now,speaker,1,"I'm not quite sure where to begin, but here goes. I was diagnosed with chronic major Depression and PTSD back in 1997, after a bad car crash. That crash knocked out the flimsy framework that I had based my self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth on. Yes, it was shaky long before then, but I managed to prop myself up until that point. My life has been a non-stop rollercoaster since age 4. I have had so many random bad or unlucky things happen to me, I decided back in primary school that I was the luckiest little girl in the world, but also that I was cursed from the day I was born. I survived everything that life threw at me. I always waited for a bad thing to happen if something good happened. I dissociated to survive. I buried bad stuff deep inside me. I used logic to avoid feeling things; hell, I still can't easily define any given emotion I'm feeling. I grew up believing that to show emotion is a weakness, easily taken advantage of by bullies and other cruel people. So yeah, I'm pretty messed up right now. Enough that I am on disability, unable to work for the past 3 years now. I had surgery six weeks ago to fix a problem with my foot that I've been trying to get fixed for over 20 years now. I've been stuck in my apartment with only my cat to keep me company. I don't have any friends that live nearby (they disappeared when I left my abusive ex-husband), so I have to do everything for myself even though there are things I just physically can't do right now. I'm in a wheelchair right now, depending on a grocery delivery company for food, and my parents come to visit and do household chores for me. It destroys me to have my 80-year-old parents take care of me. I feel like such a complete failure, and ashamed for being weak. The level of self-hate I am experiencing is scaring me. I know that eventually I'll be able to walk around and take care of myself again. I just have to get through this really dark period. I also really have to believe that it is just a phase, that my mood will improve, and this darkness will pass; it has to. This ended up being a long post, sorry about that.",-0.9952,negative,devastated 50,depressed,It is so dark right now,listener_1,2,"When going through Hell, keep going...god has a plan for us, all of us.",-0.6808,negative,faithful 50,depressed,It is so dark right now,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 51,depressed,Pointless,speaker,1,Feeling that life is pointless and a complete waste of time,-0.3182,negative,sad 51,depressed,Pointless,listener_1,2,"When depression is in control, it's so damn hard to see anything positive. All I can say is hang in there, please. There are good things in the world.",-0.018000000000000002,neutral,hopeful 51,depressed,Pointless,speaker,3,"It all ends in disappointment, so it's all a waste of time",-0.7269,negative,devastated 51,depressed,Pointless,listener_1,4,"Right now my depression is kicking my ass, so overall I agree with you, to be brutally honest. The future doesn't hold much for me, near as I can tell, so I just tend to look at the present, and remind myself that I occasionally had fun and found enjoyment in things. ",0.1243,positive,agreeing 51,depressed,Pointless,speaker,5,"I'm sorry that you are going through that right now, I know that feeling all to well. Stuck in a rut and realising that things are meh when my best friend isn't about, and she is my only real friend",0.8909999999999999,positive,agreeing 51,depressed,Pointless,listener_2,6,"You can always make new friends. (I hated, HATED, hearing that when I was younger!) Life has too much to offer, even if it is silly, to let depression take root for too long. I went through a deep depression and it was the silliest things that brought me out of it. No, no cliche sunrises. Videos games! Food! Movies! What if a totally awesome movie came out and I missed it because I was being a shut-in? Life isn't pointless as all, even if the only point is eating your favorite food. Anyway, not trying to be annoying Miss Sunshine, life still fucking blows sometimes. Just try to talk to someone if you need to and don't keep it bottled up. (Even if it's just to us internet strangers.) ",-0.8958,negative,joyful 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,speaker,1,"Hello. I've written a post in Suicide Watch some days ago. After that I attempted suicide. Here's a little background on me if anyone cares to read: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/1ldji4/i_dont_really_know_what_to_write_for_a_title/ I really tried to suicide. I had it all planned and I went for a really high bridge. But when I was there looking down, I kept thinking about my parents. I didn't want them to suffer. So I couldn't do it. I called 911 and got help. The hardest part came when my parents got to the hospital. My mom burst into tears and I had never seen my dad cry before today. I'm feeling guilty I made them so unhappy. They continued crying for the next 24 hours. I'm really feeling even worse. I'm getting help from a phsycologist and psychiatrist but I don't think it will help. But I don't want to make my parents suffer anymore. I've made them suffer enough. But this has made me feel a lot lot worse. I've been trying not to cry in front of them. There's this huge pressure in my chest. I have to rebuild my life from the ground up. I need help...",-0.9851,negative,ashamed 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,speaker,2,"great, no1 even reads this...",0.6249,positive,neutral 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,listener_1,3,I'm reading. This isn't a very crowded sub so it's unusual to get instant feedback.,0.0,neutral,surprised 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,speaker,4,suicide watch is more crowded than this.,-0.6705,negative,neutral 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,listener_2,5,Once you do it you'll regret it . 3 attempts and I'm still here . You need a fresh page in life and you'll find one soon . Don't let the past hold you back . Start some where fresh and find some one to talk to. I've been there and done that .... If you need anything lemme know .,0.2023,positive,hopeful 52,depressed,I am so depressed I actually tried to kill myself,speaker,6,How did it go on your parents? How are you going through life?,0.0,neutral,questioning 53,depressed,here if you want to talk,speaker,1,"just want to let everyone know i'm an ear to vent to or someone to talk to if you would like to reach out to me. i'm open to reddit messaging or even texting, whatever works for you. but either way, you're not alone. have a nice day.",0.7757,positive,acknowledging 53,depressed,here if you want to talk,listener_1,2,"Thank you:). Christ, I don't know. It would be nice to vent, I love to do that. But I still have to face the problem, even with every part of my soul slitting it's own God-forsaken throat. Maybe I will;l, but right now I think I just need to walk. Good to see reddit is more than tits and giggles!..",0.6456,positive,grateful 53,depressed,here if you want to talk,speaker,3,"haha yea, it's nice to see that there are people who care when we feel low. so what's going on?",0.7845,positive,acknowledging 53,depressed,here if you want to talk,listener_1,4,"I'm a bit bipolar, So I'm a lot better now. I was having both relationship problems, and sanity problems. :/",-0.5994,negative,grateful 53,depressed,here if you want to talk,speaker,5,"ok, tell me. what relationship problems?",-0.4019,negative,questioning 54,depressed,completely hopeless,speaker,1,"I just feel like a burden to the whole world, especially my parents. I bring no good to this world. I have nothing to fight for, or to look forward to...",-0.1586,negative,guilty 54,depressed,completely hopeless,listener_1,2,Hi (: Why do you feel that way? Did anyone do or say something to make you feel this way?,0.5514,positive,questioning 54,depressed,completely hopeless,listener_2,3,"I would guess the parents. That's what happens to me. They tell me I'm useless, and then i feel like I'm just a burden to the whole world.",-0.4939,negative,disappointed 54,depressed,completely hopeless,listener_1,4,"I really think that parents should not do that, ever. Most of us who encounter this grow up believing that we really are useless and things just spiral downwards. I don't know you so this might come off as creepy, but if you would like to talk more about stuff or rant in general you can feel free to drop me a PM (:",0.736,positive,apprehensive 55,depressed,"Depression depression, my beautiful depression",speaker,1,"Depression depression depression depression depression depression oh beautiful depression... Depressed, despair, hopelessness, tiredness, remember to eat, eat eat eat... You look thin, at first you won't accept it, but you give in... What to do, keep your mind occupied, do not look yourself in the mirror, it hurts... Tired, need to go to sleep, cannot sleep.. Everybody tells you to take care of yourself... Take care of yourself, take care of yourself, eat, eat healthy, you are not eating pizza are you? Suddenly heart skips a beat, what is happening? Passing out? Puke? Heartbeat raising, do not pass out, do not pass out, breathing does not work without the heart now does it... Laying in the bed, at the hospital, what is going on? ""Do you smoke?"" Need to move, all these cables attached to my chest, monitoring heartbeat... Why are you not here, where are you, i need you at this bed, I need you to hold my hand... Why did you leave me! No! Do not think about it, do not care, try to keep it together, you are cool... Am i? Need to sleep, too tired... We need to take bloodsample, heart raising, you are going to take an MR... We cannot find anything wrong, so far, you can go home, scared, what if it happens again... I was safe at the hospital... Released for my birthday, go to school, school keeps me busy, cute girl in class, am i shy? Day passes by, i will invite my best friends for party next day... Night approches, depression becomes more than i can handle... Why, after four years, i followed you to the airport, you told me ""we'll make it""... Have a nice semester abrod... Left me, left me.. Love her love her love her... Do i have any friends? Real friends, that i can talk to... Best friend, you are good to have... You are... Invited you to my birthday, why didn't you want to come? We are different sex, but we are allways going to be just friends, is it that? Why? Am i too much? Do i ask too much?... Every night, depression, depression depression depression. But now also for my friend.. ""Want to go for coffee?"".... Shes busy... Nighttime... Scared of dying, heart is the only thing keeping me alive, accept death? Soon i will.. I think... What is there to live for? Eat eat eat... Depression, will you not leave me too? Like everything else?",0.9939,positive,sad 55,depressed,"Depression depression, my beautiful depression",listener_1,2,Story of my life right now. Its hard to figure things out but you just gotta push through it and get motivated. Hardest thing to do for me and I'm struggling with it as we speak but we can't give up. Talk to someone it helps.,0.5423,positive,faithful 55,depressed,"Depression depression, my beautiful depression",speaker,3,"Thanks man, it really means more than you know... Im going to see a shrink, the heart was caused by panicattacks and im struggeling, but we'll make it trough , right? Depression fkn sucks.. Sorry about your situation, know how wrong it feels..",-0.8847,negative,sympathizing 55,depressed,"Depression depression, my beautiful depression",listener_1,4,"I just did some hard self reflection and the biggest thing that I found out to keep yourself happy is to keep yourself occupied. The more time you spend by yourself doing nothing, the more time your mind has a chance to self evaluate and find all the little flaws that add up to make you feel like youre a terrible person or worthless. But if you are doing stuff, you wont have to think about that and you can just think about all the good things about yourself and in life. Nobody goes unseen because there are many people that care about us and it hurts them to see us like this and we both know it. Just thinking about everyone that cares makes me feel so good inside you should try what I'm telling you.",0.9569,positive,content 55,depressed,"Depression depression, my beautiful depression",speaker,5,"Thanks for the tip, now that you mention it, I do usually feel the lowest when just wondering around doing nothing... I'll try to keep up at school and keep myself occupied, meet friends etc. Thanks again for the good words, means alot",0.8481,positive,acknowledging 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,1,"They don't know who I really am. They don't love the *real* me. And every time they find out a little more about me--the real me--they lecture the hell out of me and punish me. It **hurts**. Whenever I contradict their image of me, they get upset. And then I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I feel like me, the *real* me, is bad. Is evil. Like the person I really am is horrible because the closer I get to being me, the more I get yelled at. And now I'm to the point that I don't even know what's good or bad. I don't know if it's okay to have the opinions I have or to think the way I think. I feel like I'm evil being me. And The Savages would agree. Is there anyone out there that cares to really know who I am? The real me?",-0.9826,negative,ashamed 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_1,2,Cut them loose. Find new healthy people. Less toxic. ,-0.1779,negative,sad 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,3,It'd be easier if they weren't my parents.,0.4215,positive,neutral 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_1,4,"Create a strategy to move on with your life. Start studying business. Open up a sandwich shop, or sell tacos. Srs!!!!!",0.5053,positive,hopeful 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_1,5,LOL THANKS FOR THE GOLD!!,0.7418,positive,wishing 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,6,"You cared, so it was no problem. ",0.6509999999999999,positive,neutral 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,7,Have you ever read Crime and Punishment?,-0.7717,negative,questioning 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_1,8,"How are you, man? The cool thing I learned is life gets better. ",0.6369,positive,questioning 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_2,9,"No, I haven't. What's it about? ",0.0,neutral,questioning 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,10,"An ax murderer. He was self justified. Then he was literally sick with guilt. He couldn't tell anyone what he had done. And as he hugged the sister that he loved so much, he had to wonder if she would hug him if she knew. Would anyone look at him the same way? All of his relationships are fake. Built on lies. Predicated upon false premonitions. He couldn't tell anyone. I feel the same way. I'm trapped. I didn't kill anyone with an ax, but I am trying to find a way to tell my parents that I don't believe in the god they believe in. So I'm trapped. And they don't know who I really am. They have this image of who I am, and they love it. But sometimes, that image cracks a little bit to reveal the real me, and they reprimand me; they try to change me back into that image. They don't love the real me. They hate the real me. ",-0.85,negative,ashamed 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,11,Just as stuck as I was before. In a hole. Thanks for checking up on me. I hope gold is treating you well.,0.7096,positive,consoling 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_2,12,I know how that feels. The majority of my life in the last six years or so has been lies to everyone but one person. Do you have anyone that you can be yourself with and no image to be ideal for?,0.1945,positive,guilty 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_1,13,"Hey bro. Life gets better I promise. Take it from a once suicidal masturbation addict: Healthy habits bring tremendous deeply fulfilling joy, and life will get better. Stop doing the shit that keeps you down. Go to the gym. Get some exercise. Read a lot. Stop masturbating. Play outside in the sunshine and get your adrenaline going.",0.8043,positive,hopeful 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,14,"Yes. And I haven't seen her in months. She lives too far from me now, and I can only talk to her on the phone occasionally.",0.4019,positive,lonely 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_2,15,I'm sorry to hear that. Why is it that you can only talk to her energy once on a while? ,0.2023,positive,sympathizing 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,16,"We're both busy. She works 12 hour days, 6 days a week, and I do about the same with school.",0.0,neutral,caring 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_2,17,That really sucks. Hopefully you can find someone else to confide and be yourself in.,0.0478,neutral,consoling 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,18,But even having just one person must still feel pretty lonely?,0.2617,positive,lonely 56,depressed,To be alone,listener_2,19,"It can feel lonely at times, yeah. My family reprimands me for who I am when I show it too, and the one person who I can confide in is usually a great help for me. Hopefully it could be a great help for you too.",0.9432,positive,lonely 56,depressed,To be alone,speaker,20,"Yeah. How can I find my one person, if I just lost my one person?",-0.0258,neutral,lonely 57,depressed,FML.,speaker,1,"Two choices, Give it all you've got, or give in. I'm doing the former, so scared because I'm starting to REALLY hit that wall. That wall where you did all you could, and still failed. =[",-0.7929999999999999,negative,terrified 57,depressed,FML.,listener_1,2,"Give it all you've got. You might fail either way, but at least then you won't carry the guilt of questioning your ability to resolve the situation.",0.6928,positive,questioning 57,depressed,FML.,speaker,3,I think I'm 10x more of a man who gave it his all on his deathbed looking back than one who gave up. ,0.0,neutral,confident 57,depressed,FML.,speaker,4,Thanks man. ,0.4404,positive,wishing 58,depressed,I want a hug I want a cuddle,speaker,1,I'm way too lonely but I have no one to care about me. I'm all alone and I want a cuddle ...please give me one...:(,0.3919,positive,lonely 58,depressed,I want a hug I want a cuddle,listener_1,2,"))potatetots(( I send you a huge hug from Canada, and a shoulder for you to rest your head on. I know that lonely feeling, too.",0.5267,positive,caring 58,depressed,I want a hug I want a cuddle,speaker,3,Thank you for the Internet hug! ,0.7088,positive,wishing 58,depressed,I want a hug I want a cuddle,speaker,4,Thank you! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 58,depressed,I want a hug I want a cuddle,speaker,5,Thank you...,0.3612,positive,wishing 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,speaker,1,Me. I HATE ME. I hate everything I say. I hate everything I do. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I sound. I hate the way I think. I hate how big I am. I hate how lonely I am. I hate me for never even talking to anyone. I hate how shy I am. I hate me. ,-0.9932,negative,ashamed 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,listener_1,2,"Shit, I think we're the same person. I hate us.",-0.8074,negative,afraid 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,speaker,3,I hate us too,-0.5719,negative,agreeing 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,listener_2,4,Why the fuck are you here?,-0.5423,negative,questioning 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,speaker,5,Thanks for the feedback! I'll remember a spot just for you in my suicide note!,-0.4912,negative,acknowledging 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,listener_3,6,"Hope youre kidding, dont do it man. I was curious and checked your post, you seem like a cool guy. Its hard but you can't let assholes get to you",0.8445,positive,consoling 59,depressed,You know who I hate the most?,speaker,7,"I'm kidding, sort of. I've been contemplating it. ",0.1027,positive,apprehensive 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",speaker,1,"My friends are always telling me they're there if I wanna talk, but I cannot talk. I don't understand why I'm sad. I hardly understand why I wanna die. Sometimes I can tell them is that I feel useless, or pointless, or one of the many other variations of what reasoning I can occasionally grasp. Sometimes I don't think there IS a reason... But it's never enough for them to understand, and it certainly never helps me feel better. I just feel so cut off from the world. I don't know how to socialize properly. I don't understand relationships of any sort. I don't know how to make friends, or how to talk to people about almost anything. I just wanna be alone, and yet I don't. I want some to hug me, and let me cry, and let me die. I don't even know why I'm posting this. It's late, I can't sleep, and it's not like this will help. I know I shouldn't feel like this, I should just suck it up. ""It's just a phase, you're a moody teenager."" But this has been progressing and getting worse since I was in elementary school.. I've wanted to die for so long, I can't remember not wanting to. And yet I'm scared as well, for fear of the unknown. What if it doesn't bring peace? What is peace worth, if one cannot feel it? But, perhaps it is worth it to end these feelings, and to get out of everyone's way for good. My apologies if this didn't make sense, or if I wasted your time. I don't mean to do that, but it happens often, both the senselessness and time-wasting. Sorry..",-0.9899,negative,embarrassed 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",listener_1,2,"I completely understand how you feel. I feel the same way. > I don't know how to socialize properly. I don't understand relationships of any sort. I don't know how to make friends, or how to talk to people about almost anything. I just wanna be alone, and yet I don't. I can relate to this so much you have no idea. Even just trying to write here on reddit is difficult for me sometimes. I want to make friends, like you said >I want some to hug me, and let me cry, and let me die. Excluding the death part that is. As much as I have thought about killing myself, I could never do it. I hate being an inconvenience to people, or bothering them in any way, and I think if I were to kill myself I would be bothering too many people. I just want someone who I can just talk to, and get whatever is inside me out. But, you have to be able to talk to people for that to happen. > I know I shouldn't feel like this, I should just suck it up. ""It's just a phase, you're a moody teenager."" This. This goes through my head whenever I feel bad. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this, but I just do. I keep thinking, that I will get over it, but it doesn't go away. I'm sorry, I know I haven't helped you, if anything I just ranted to get this off of my chest. Maybe you'll find some comfort knowing that you are not alone, I know I did when I read your post. Feel free to message me too, if you want to talk to someone who is going through the same thing, or similar thing as you.",-0.9641,negative,agreeing 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",speaker,3,"I'm not quite sure how to respond to the first section of what you said, but for the second half, by not socializing properly I mean I literally can barely talk to people. I stutter, I can't get my words out, and sometimes I just can't bring myself to speak for fear of saying something stupid, because I never know what I should say. Of course, it's hard to form a proper relationship if you can't talk to the person. Over time, I do warm up to them, but it's still really hard to talk to them and I'm always worried I'm boring them, or I'm only a placeholder until someone they actually want to talk to shows up (of the two people I actually talk to, one of them makes it quite obvious that it is likely the case, though perhaps not on purpose). I've tried writing it down, but that's no better. I just can't find words to really explain what's bothering me, or how it's bothering me. Sometimes I just kinda break down and all I know that something is wrong, but I can't quite figure out what it is. I've tried professional help. Therapists make me really uncomfortable. Stuck for an hour in a room with a stranger that's being paid for me to complain to? That sounds like hell to me. I've tried medication, too, but none of the three anti-depressants we've tried have helped me at all.",-0.9921,negative,embarrassed 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",listener_2,4,"Ah. I am sorry. The point I tried to bring across was that sucking it up is the wrong thing to do, that's it. Does this feeling of not being able to socialize properly happen even with your close friends? Yeah I hear you on that part about meds. I stopped my own because it made me feel worse. Do you have any outlets for when you're feeling depressed?",-0.6843,negative,sympathizing 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",speaker,5,"I still stutter around them, but I can speak considerably more with them than with others. The only other outlets I have aren't exactly healthy, and I'm not really allowed to do it any of it anymore.",-0.5247,negative,embarrassed 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",listener_2,6,"I really am sorry for the late reply. Got caught up with certain things. How are you doing so far? If you feel better when talking with your friends then hey, you should just spend more time with them (: It sounds like they help quite a bit. Try to put the worries about socializing in general out of your mind if possible. One question just popped into my mind, have you tried hanging out together with your friends and their other friends whom are strangers to you? If yes, how was the experience like?",0.9721,positive,sympathizing 60,depressed,"They say talking helps...but how am I to explain my problem, when I don't understand it myself?",speaker,7,"If I hang out with a friend and one of their friends is there whom I am unacquainted with, I usually just end up standing around awkwardly while they converse. It's not possible for me to *not* worry about anything, especially socializing.",0.7511,positive,content 61,depressed,I don't know what to do...,speaker,1,"My life so far is a lie. I just want to say that I have no reason to be depressed. I am, by definition, ""popular."" My problem? I have only acted like my real, true self in front of about three people. With all my other ""friends"", I act like a confident asshole in order to seem normal by high school standards(i'm not quite sure how to phrase that). I am just realizing that I have no true friends that I can talk to about this. Basically, I'm unhappy with my life. The person I thought was my best friend for about 1-2 years now? He insults me, pushes me away, and is an all out jerk to me 75% of the time. My other friends are fine, but I don't have a deep enough connection(or even slightly deep for that matter) to talk to to them about this. There's nothing I would love more than to move far away, as in several states away, or even the east coast(from west),just for that fresh start so I could make actual friends. I know this probably sounds like any teen going through what they think is depression, but I honestly have no drive, I'm unhappy all the time, and hate everything about my life. One more thing I would like to point out, I'm not looking to commit or attempt suicide. Half because I couldn't think about the emotional damage it would do to my parents and older brother and sister, but also because though I hate my life, I like living.",-0.9511,negative,ashamed 61,depressed,I don't know what to do...,listener_1,2,"I feel you dude. Except I'm not really popular, I just don't have any friends. But in a way, we are similar",-0.3718,negative,agreeing 61,depressed,I don't know what to do...,speaker,3,"Honestly, I'd love to start over my life and make real, lifelong friends. I'd trade any amount of friends that I have(except one select person) to have just one true friend. If you can find that, you've accomplished more socially than I have.",0.9694,positive,lonely 61,depressed,I don't know what to do...,speaker,4,"The ""genuine"" me is just some shy, awkward, and to be honest, alone. The fake me is confident, a bit of a sarcastic ass(but never to girls, adults, or people I don't know, that's just rude), and it fits in to the usual ""popular"" teen category. I want to keep my current acquaintances, because I do enjoy their company, I just don't feel like there is anything I can really relate to them about. I have made some changes though. I don't know if I mentioned my so called friend that makes hurtful jokes at my expense, but I've basically stopped talking to him or even really saying ""Hi"" to him, for that matter. It's funny though, he actually calls me over to him or tries to talk to him, I just don't acknowledge it. I'll give him another chance at some point, but he's a dick. Recently, I've found a girl that I really do like a lot, and she seems to like me(calls me funny, smart, physical contact, etc.), but she has also told her friends(who are also my friends, might actually be a bit genuine), and they, in turn, told me, that she is done with boys for awhile. I was going to ask her to homecoming, but I'm scared of being rejected and losing my friendship with her(which I value quite a bit). I guess that's the shy part bleeding through my mask. Sorry for this wall of text, I just needed somebody to rant my stupid, illogical problems to.",0.2621,positive,lonely 62,depressed,15 My family.. my life..,speaker,1,"I know I have food. I know I have a roof. I know I have clothes. In fact, my parents are pretty rich. I'm 15 and have been homeschooled my whole life. I didn't have a problem with it until recently. They homeschool me for religious reasons. I hate homeschooling. There is homeschool running team that I am on, but those are only 2 hrs, 3 times a week. That is the only time I can hang out with people or get out of the house. I SPEND 22 HRS A DAY IN THIS HOUSE AND I CAN'T LEAVE. I feel deprived from life. My siblings make fun of me and say I'm ugly (and I know it's true). My parents are catholic, and they think I am too though I don't consider myself one. They make me get freaking BUZZCUTTS every month. WHO DOES THAT? they dont even have a reason for doing it. I get ridiculed for my buzzcut when I get one. I have contemplated running away or suicide for over a year and a half, but I am always afraid what people would think of me, or if I would go to hell. I know this isn't a question or anything, I just want your thoughts. If my parents knew who I really was and what I believe in, they would flip. I get anxiety and depression just being home. I cry myself to sleep most nights. for the little time I get to hang around people, my dad follows me everywhere. Once a year I go to an overnight camp for about a week. I LOVE THIS. My parents know I do too. I get to hang around with people away from home for more than an hour or two. but even there, my dad FREAKING WATCHES me during the day. I want freedom. I want to leave this house. I want to go to school. I want to kill myself, but I can't.",-0.9783,negative,content 63,depressed,"Friendless for two years now, and now I finally could make a friend...",speaker,1,"To put things into perspective, I'm 17. I'm very awkward around other people and very anxious, so I generally don't make any move towards other people but always wait until they talk to me (repeatedly, though, one conversation doesn't mean that person actually likes me). For the last five years or so, this tactic has always failed and since two years now, I don't have any friends anymore. Those two years have been horrible, I've attempted suicide once and contemplated it more often. My social skills and my confidence hit rock bottom and now, I have resigned to being friendless because why even bother trying. Recently though, there appeared two people who were *nice to me*! Whoa! And actually approached me. And you know, I really like them. They're extroverted, cheerful, have very similar interests to mine etc. And you know what? I wish they never talked to me. The only thing worse than not being able to make a friend is having the opportunity to do so and fail. I mean, what if I come off as weird, boring or stupid? It would just give me the confirmation that I'm generally unable to have friendships/relationships. It would just show me that it is not because of my anxiety or restraint or because of my interests but because I suck. Also, I just don't know how to make friends. I made my last friend in 3rd grade. I only made two friends in my whole life. I don't know how often you should see each other to not come off as clingy but also not as ""meh, I don't care about you anyway"". In the past, it was always too much of one of the two. Fuck, I wish I could just stay in this warm and fuzzy bubble which blocked out reality. I don't want to deal with all that shit. Honestly, it was much easier when I didn't think I'd ever have the chance to make a friend. Couldn't somebody just come over and kill me now? I'm too weak to do that myself, would make things a lot easier for me... Sorry if that post is a bit hard to understand, but it's not my native language, it's late and I can't really explain my thoughts and feelings anyway.",-0.8901,negative,lonely 63,depressed,"Friendless for two years now, and now I finally could make a friend...",listener_1,2,"Hey! I read through this whole thing, and I completely understand. Now, remember if those feelings of suicide ever come back make sure to take a look at /r/suicidewatch, though I'm not going to cover all that now. Now I understand that you wish you never met them... but think of all the possibilities that come with having friends! You'll be able to have so much fun and explore out of your comfort zone and completely enjoy yourself way more then you would if you were alone! Even if it doesn't sound so good now, I'm sure it will be awesome if you decide to make these guys as friends :). Now if you ever need someone to talk to, hit me up. Hope I helped you out a little! ",0.9913,positive,agreeing 64,depressed,So I was brushing my teeth not five minutes ago...,speaker,1,"and I was staring at the sink, because I don't like to look at myself in the mirror. I started thinking about my life and I realized I'm killing myself. Slowly, painfully by not seeking help. By not sharing my problems. By not trying to get better. But this is nothing new to me. I've always known that what I'm doing to myself isn't healthy. That it ends with me dead before my time, one way or another. But then I looked up and saw myself in the mirror, and I realized why. I realized I'm doing this to myself because I'm not worth anyone's time or effort for me to get better. Not even my own. So now I'm going to bed. And tomorrow I'll wake up, put on clothes that don't fit me and a smile to match, and continue to let myself rot while doing my best to make sure no one else has to live their life like I live mine.",0.3599,positive,ashamed 64,depressed,So I was brushing my teeth not five minutes ago...,listener_1,2,"Hey dude, it's okay. Life is like that stock market graph, ups and downs, little ticks or huge swings. It will go on, there will be tomorrow. Just take a couple breaths, and think about anyone you would be willing to talk to or consider professional counseling. Change won't come right away, it's gonna be a slog, but just hang on. You will find the people in your life that are worth it and want to care for you, but that will take time, and when you get healthier it makes chances better that you all can find each other. That's what one of my old counselors told me, and he's like... in his mid to late 40's, and he's probably just got a handful. He said it took time, but it will come slowly and eventually. Just one small step, whatever that next step is, is all that you need to think about.",0.9591,positive,trusting 64,depressed,So I was brushing my teeth not five minutes ago...,listener_2,3,What are you supposed to do when your life has no ups? Or you only have small insignificant ones and they are not satisfying at all,-0.7253,negative,sad 65,depressed,Running out of time,speaker,1,I am almost 18 and I know I still have lots of time for life. But it has gone just way to fast. It's like in the blink of an eye highschool is almost over. I had a girlfriend of 3 years and we recently broke up due to her infidelity. I have lost all my friends due to girls that they chose over me after they told me to kill myself. I am just about down with everything. I feel it just won't get better. What do I do?,-0.8723,negative,sad 65,depressed,Running out of time,listener_1,2,"Keep on keeping on, sir. I know high school feels really important right now, and I've been in similar situations that you are in, when you were my age. But just know: your true friends are out there; maybe you haven't met them yet (maybe you have), maybe they are still waiting to be found. At the end of my high school career I had 2 friends, total. I hated everyone in my school, everyone. But once I started college I've met so many great people that they blocked out almost all the bad memories in my life. There are people in the world, in our world, that have been through the same things you have. Once you get past it the people you will meet will make you truly grateful that you've got through this rough time. It's worth it. I'm 23 now and am so happy with the close friends I've surround myself with, and I'm positive it will be the same for you. Just keep on keeping on and know that there are people that are worth meeting in the world, and other people that will feel that you were worth meeting as well. <3 *internetbrohug* ",0.991,positive,faithful 65,depressed,Running out of time,speaker,3,Thanks bro that means a lot,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 65,depressed,Running out of time,listener_2,4,No problem man. Breakups suck but the only thing we can do is move on. ,-0.0826,negative,neutral 66,depressed,I'm feeling horrible,speaker,1,"Today out of nowhere I started feeling horribly depressed. I don't have anyone to talk to. I tried talking to my girlfriend but she started calling me things so I gave up on that. It's fucking retarded that I feel like this. I don't know where it's from. I don't know why. Though I guess I kind of do. My girlfriend has this friend. Let's call him A. They're pretty much best friends and have been for a very long while. Way since before I was in the picture. They have almost everything in common and like to do everything together. Recently they have started to spend a huge amount of time with eachother and it feels as though I'm the friend and he's the boyfriend. She goes around waiting for him to call so that they can meet up, just like if he was her boyfriend. I've kind of tried to tell her but she just says ""Jealous?"" in a joking manner and I feel as though if I tell her seriously she'll get horribly upset and leave me or whatever. She'll almost never talk to me while they're spending time together either and it makes me feel like I'm being a horrible boyfriend and I'm ruining their fun if I talk to her meanwhile. They also decided to spend Halloween together without taking me into the calculation at all. I had booked a table at a restaurant in town but I had to cancel that. I found it out when I asked her what she's doing for Halloween and I was about to surprise her but that didn't happen... I'm sitting here alone at 5 pm just waiting for her to leave from A's place. No friends to do anything with because they're not in town and I don't have that many anyway. I don't know what the fuck to do. I've been extremely sad and borderline crying all day and I feel like throwing myself infront of a fucking train.",-0.1078,negative,lonely 66,depressed,I'm feeling horrible,listener_1,2,"Hi - I can related to some of what you're saying. When you tried talking to your girlfriend, how did you approach it? Some times we need to take a different approach on how we begin conversations. What kind of things did she call you? That seems very unsupportive, and in a way her response probably validates your insecurities about her close friend. Your approach will have to be based n how long you two have been together, if you live together, or if you are younger (like highschool or something) - but basically whenever you have feelings like this it is best to calm yourself down, collect your thoughts, and plan on talking to her in a way that helps her to understand how you feel, and why. And what you think of the situation. You have to give her time to respond. She should at least hear you out, and explain more about how she feels and what is going on, and then you two can hopefully decide a course of action that will not make YOU feel unimportant, and will allow her to enjoy time with her close friend. You seem to feel left out, and that is understandable. Something similiar happened to me last night, and I felt terrible about it. Instead of sitting around waiting for her, find your own things to occupy your time. They dont have to include other people or friends, but find some things you enjoy doing alone, and try not to worry. If she doesnt care about how you feel after you talk to her, or she invalidates your feelings or makes you feel like youre making a big deal out of nothing, then she is probably stunted emotionally, or she doesnt really care that much about you. Its hard finding this out the hard way. But everyone is wired differently. Before you get TOO upset, try this approach. Remember we always have 3 choices in situations we dont like. 1. Change it if you can. 2.If you cant change it, can you accept it? 3. If you cant accept it, then leave it. I hope that was helpful. Please try to stay positive its the hardest thing to do at times, but honestly, it makes a world of difference for YOU.",0.993,positive,questioning 66,depressed,I'm feeling horrible,speaker,3,"I didn't actually think that anyone would reply but thank you so much for everything that you pointed out. I feel a bit better about things now and I'm not sure how the rest of mine and her relationship will play out, but everything will hopefully be for the best.",0.959,positive,encouraging 67,depressed,Just a rant I needed out. No feedback neccessary,speaker,1,"I don't mean to sound over dramatic but I'm 21, living half at home, half at my boyfriends house and I'm so fucking sick of the nights I stay at my parents house listening to my mom cry at night. I always wanted so badly to believe in love and marriage but how the fuck could I when i know this is what can come from it. You'd think I was a child of divorce but I'm not. My parents have been dating since they were 15 and married since 22. My mother is extremely unhappy and hating every second of her life. Will she divorce the main reason for her unhappiness? NO. Will he divorce one of the reasons of his? no. Why would they? I mean it's only their life. Anyway, getting to the point. I always wanted nothing more than to be happy, in love, and married. But is that even possible? Is there such thing as happiness and love? I see what it can turn into: either divorce or painful dreaded nights well into my 50's. Is that why I've been feeling so shitty around my boyfriend? Because my dad is in the process of wanting absolutely nothing to do with me and I'm relating the two? Am I afraid my boyfriend is just going to leave me as well? Or am I just putting up a front because I love him and I don't want to get hurt more. We've been dating a year and some months and last month he broke up with me for a day before realizing his mistake and he has been more than amazing since we've gotten back together. Our relationship has made so much progress. But why am I so unhappy? I was beginning to think my depression was all in my head before we broke up. I was actually happy for a little while. But now...I still think of him lovingly but it all just feels unreal. Is it a guard or am I starting to realize I'm not as in love with him as I thought? Although I never even believed in love. But with him before, I just knew he was the one. TL;DR I'm just getting stuff off my chest. Yes, even to strangers on the internet. Don't know where to turn. I feel alone. etc etc",-0.9215,negative,furious 67,depressed,Just a rant I needed out. No feedback neccessary,listener_1,2,Perhaps you should go over this stuff with your BF? Do you thibk he'd listen and offer insight?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 67,depressed,Just a rant I needed out. No feedback neccessary,speaker,3,"Actually, he probably would be very helpful. I'm just afraid of reopening the scabs of our breakup. I don't want him to think I'm holding it over his head. I didn't think it would be that difficult to get over",0.0954,positive,apprehensive 67,depressed,Just a rant I needed out. No feedback neccessary,listener_1,4,"I feel like it may hurt his feelings a bit, but he should definitely want to be in on this.",0.5499,positive,agreeing 68,depressed,Screw it I give up! (rant),speaker,1,"...Sleep deprived but can't sleep, ignore this, just ramblings. 24 years of being ignored, told to keep my mouth shut, beaten down by life and with genuine human connection far and few in between I help but depressed and lonely. I've been stepping outside my comfort zone for the past 2 years and I have yet to solve what was bothering me. Normally I try and tell myself not to sweat it as much knowing I can be socially anxious and awkward but that doesn't change the fact that it's gotten to the point where I was actually sadden, of all things, that the grad student canceled the psychological study I signed up for and was scheduled on a day off from school almost at the very last minute. I wasn't even angry or annoyed I traveled from the other side of town for it since it was the only means of social interaction that I would had with anyone in person today or online for that matter that lasted more then 4 minutes and didn't require me to buy a coffee. Since you know, god forbid my group actually include me in group work that actually require me to be physically there, but then again I can't blame them since clearly there quite a bit wrong with me if I've gotten to this point. But should probably thank them since I got the night off work to exercise and study for a midterm I suppose, as the gym and my favorite places to study dont have couples actively showing PDA, so I dont have to remind myself what I've been called by women whenever I think about how nice it would be if I found myself in a relationship, even if the honeymoon stage only last so long. Hell I think even that's getting way to ahead of myself. Even having an attractive female friend would be nice. At least then what people call the ""friendzone"" would actually spike my interest with my minor in psychology as I play with the idea of completing a double instead. It would also throw a curve ball in some of the mundane conversations I've had with the few friends I get too see once every 3 week to a few months at a time. So with that being said I feel a bit better but still think it's time I give up on reaching out for at least a while and just be selfish. It' seems to be the only way I can make progress on things I've been told I couldn't do so far. TL;DR: social interaction is overrated???",0.9332,positive,ashamed 68,depressed,Screw it I give up! (rant),listener_1,2,fuck 'em.,-0.5423,negative,angry 68,depressed,Screw it I give up! (rant),speaker,3,"Yup, that's the attitude I need to adopt. Thank god I didn't major in anything that's dependent on others.",0.6486,positive,trusting 69,depressed,tomorrow...,speaker,1,"...whenever that comes. You're average snook: graduated in graphic design B.F.A in 2011. What have I done since then? A few gigs and a part time job. Almost 4 years later and not even close to a career job. Parks closed for the season, so no income. Haven't left the house in 2 days, haven't showered in 2 days... I'll do those things tomorrow. Have to go to court because unicorns don't exist, I don't know. College advisor sent a job opportunity, I'll apply tomorrow. So far everytime I apply I get one response: Silence. I suck at graphic design, I don't even know why I put my parents in debt over it. ""I'm trying"" I say, but I'll try again tomorrow. Back to bed. Back to maturating to asian porn. Back to browsing asian subbreddits. I'll look for another part time job tomorrow.",-0.4085,negative,disappointed 69,depressed,tomorrow...,listener_1,2,"Hey, would you mind posting some of your graphic designs? I find them all interesting. I understand if you don't want to. And man... dem Asians doe. I feel u on that one.",0.3565,positive,agreeing 69,depressed,tomorrow...,speaker,3,"Yes, but I feel like I have an issue, or maybe yellow fever is a real disease. I feel bad doing it because I don't want to seem like I look at asian women as sex objects but.. erm... nevermind. http://jydesigns.us/ I just got another email from a recruiter who wants me to call. Already know how thats gonna go :-/ I just haven't been active, and if you aren't too active they don't really bother wasting time with you. It's my fault, though.",-0.5834,negative,apprehensive 70,depressed,Can't stop thinking about it.,speaker,1,"I hate my life. Not an hour goes by that i don't think about killing myself or ways to do it. I wont kill myself because I'm to much a pussy. I have no excitement in my life. The only thing my parents really let me do is maybe once in a blue moon go to a hardcore show. Other then that my daily life goes like this... Wake up, take ADHD meds, sit in school wanting to kill myself, get home, eat and listing to music and play games. Thats all i do. If i leave the house its cause the only 2 friends i have want to hang. 1 of the two i really like and she knows but she only uses me to third wheel. The other one is like a brother to me and we smoke and pal around. Then after we get home all the feelings come back. I really wouldn't mind if i didn't wake up in the morning. Nothing ever goes right. I cant make new friends cause im emotionally damaged from what my ex did to me that i cant trust anyone or domt let any close to me. Im 17 a junior in highschool. I have fucking life and my parents treat me like utter shit. I just hate everything. I cant express how much i cant wait to join the Military and die in combat. Finally put a rest to all my pain. ",-0.9782,negative,ashamed 70,depressed,Can't stop thinking about it.,listener_1,2,"If you're on ADHD medication, do you think your parents might let you try antidepressants? Also, it's possible that a side effect of the medication is depression. There is hope. What do you like to listen to? Maybe some more uplifting music would help. I'm always here for you.",0.5803,positive,hopeful 70,depressed,Can't stop thinking about it.,speaker,3,I listen to seriously anything.. I'll be lisiting to hardcore then the next moment some classic or Hans Zimmermen. And I've had most of these thoughts since the 7th grade. The ADHD meds make me happy cause i feel normal for the 6 hours. Instead of being all shaky and bouncy and stuff i can sit be calm and pat attention for once. ,0.5267,positive,content 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",speaker,1,"I feel like I'm not going anywhere in life. Anything I do is insignificant... sitting here, typing these words, feeling like a slob, a couch potato. My teacher emailed my class with ""what quotes inspire you?"" I went to /r/quotesporn and found some nice quotes..... >""It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed"" -Theodore Roosevelt >""The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."" -Audrey Hepburn >""If you never hope for anything, you'll never be disappointed"" -Saul Mathers >""Nothing is impossible, the word itself is ""I'm possible"" -Audrey Hepburn These made me feel worse, all of these successful people looking at me, saying ""you can do it!"", but I just ask ""What is 'it'?""... I don't know where I'm going in life. I'm 16(I sound like a fucking emo brat on tumblr), no car(no place to go anyway), no ""girlfriend""(I don't need one... do I?), two friends that I meet on inconsistent basis, no plans in life other than ""make videogames somehow"" and ""be happy"", Behind on homework, no time for play, If I stop to play I'll be even more behind which will make me feel worse. When I have the rare time to play it's devoid of joy. I just feel like I'm not going to do anything important. I'm going to sit here, gain weight, fail classes, hate myself, become a pc-master-race, hentai-fapping, mlp-watching, fedora-wearing, karma-counting, piece-of-shit, hypocrite of a Christian. I'm almost there, I can feel it. I'm shit. I'm scared. I spend all day fucking laughing at jokes like me. Now I'm the joke. I don't want to tell ma or pa because I know what they're going to say: ""we love you"", ""Don't worry"", ""Take a break from homework"", ""You've been staying up too late"", ""You're tired"", ""You've been procrastinating on your homework, haven't you?"", ""God'll get you through it"". In march I'm going to the Philippines with my family for two weeks helping out with a Christian ministry of some kind. So I'll be helping with something important. I guess. I'm so tired. I'm lonely. I'm scared. I broke into tears while writing this. If I went anywhere else on reddit I'd be on the front page of /r/cringe, mocked. I've had the policy of ""don't worry, things'll happen the way they're supposed to happen, just enjoy the ride, the highs and the lows"" but I'm not feeling it. Tell me it'll be ok. Tell me I'll make the best out of it. I feel pathetic asking this. it'll be ok... right? Goodnight. I'm tired. Edit: Update: My friend messaged me after I told him I was feeling down, he immediately responded with ""want me to come over?"". I started feeling better after he said that, because I knew that my ""lonely fear"" was irrational, because my friend came to me in a time of need. He told me that what I was going through is normal and that, while he didn't say this exactly, the message is almost the same: ""To get from mountain top to mountain top you first need to go through a valley"". We had a conversation about him having an extra copy of Battlefield 4 for the X-360, but I completely forgot about it when he came over and he said that he had a surprise for me. I was pleasantly surprised when I found BF4 on my coffee-table, and we traded the controller back and forth between games. While I'm still a little ""I don't know what the fuck to do"" I'm a little more back on my ""Let it happen"" groove. As for me being a ""fat, dumb, self-loathing,pc-master-race, hentai-fapping, mlp-watching, fedora-wearing, karma-counting, piece-of-shit, hypocrite of a Christian"" I'll have to remedy that. Thank you for listening to me, you helped me in my time of need, while you were not as effective as a close friend with mountain-dew and battlefield 4, you did the best you could, and you helped me out. thanks.",0.9829,positive,disappointed 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",listener_1,2,"Holy shit, you sound just like me when I was 16. I'm 19 now by the way. If you feel like a chat inbox me. I would have loved to have somebody to vent too when I used to feel like this. If you don't feel like having a chat though, I'll tell you the standard... It will pass. I'm sorry to be probably the millionth person to say it but its true man.",0.7503,positive,acknowledging 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",speaker,3,"Edit: redacted, Whoops ment to send this as a PM",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",speaker,4,Money ≠ perfect life I sympathize your situation. ,0.5719,positive,caring 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",speaker,5,"I appreciate the sentiment, but I can't identify with you enough to make a connection. I don't plan on ending my life, I just don't know why I wake up at all. I have few *real* friends, you have less. You've been hurting for a long time; I've been hurt for a long time. You're bleeding out; I'm only being cut. You've been everywhere, and are miserable; I've been nowhere and I am miserable. You learned not to care when you were 18 and alone; I've been learning that my whole life from the people closest to me. ""[If you never hope for anything, you'll never be disappointed](http://www.reddit.com/r/QuotesPorn/comments/1p47kg/if_you_never_hope_for_anything_saul_mathers/)"" Sound familiar? Of course it is, but I've known this since before you made /u/LoveBurstsLP. ""There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."" You regretted because you knew how much it would hurt your parents; I avoid it, because I'm not done yet, I'm not ready. I don't have any ""real problems""; it seems like you do. You wish everyone was gone; I wish someone was here with me. I cant just *""deal with it""*; That's what I've *been* doing and I'm on the cusp of not being able to take it anymore, I can't distract, I can't plug the source, I can't ""end it all"". I **have** to deal with it, but I don't know how. You're right, your post wasn't helpful; You're right, it was depressing; You're wrong, because it's not reality, that's *your* reality, your life lead you to *your* perception of reality. Your walk led you to one angle of the enormous multifaceted jewel that is life. I'm looking for another angle, but I don't know what caused you to stop looking. When we stop looking at life at different angles we think that what we're seeing is all that there is, and ever will be. I know... I haven't been places in the world, but I've been places emotionally, and it gives me perspective, it gives me strength. The different angles I've seen give me purpose and drive. I haven't been enough places in life to know if the jewel is ugly, or if it's beautiful, but I know from experience from getting to the final rank in several Call of Duties, I know it's not about finishing a book, I know it's not about completing an anime series, hell, even jacking off taught me that it's never the destination, it's the journey, and I will continue my journey until I'm dead, because there's too much to see in one life time. And when I'm dead? There'll be nothing left to worry about. Like I said, right now, I'm on an emotional high right now, and I'm waiting to fall again. I will learn. I can't stagnate and distract myself, I need to move on and change according to what I just learned. Before my original post I had problems I didn't know I had. I hated people. I wanted to do nothing. I was ready to let my life flutter by as I distract myself. I was ready to die alone. I was ready to live alone... But my depression made me realize that none of these things are what I wanted. I'm ready to live life through the mountain peaks and the valleys of death one small step at a time. Thank you, but, I'm sorry.",-0.9973,negative,lonely 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",listener_2,6,"> You're wrong, because it's not reality, that's your reality, your life lead you to your perception of reality. Your walk led you to one angle of the enormous multifaceted jewel that is life. I'm looking for another angle, but I don't know what caused you to stop looking. When we stop looking at life at different angles we think that what we're seeing is all that there is, and ever will be. I know... I haven't been places in the world, but I've been places emotionally, and it gives me perspective, it gives me strength. The different angles I've seen give me purpose and drive. > I haven't been enough places in life to know if the jewel is ugly, or if it's beautiful, but I know from experience from getting to the final rank in several Call of Duties, I know it's not about finishing a book, I know it's not about completing an anime series, hell, even jacking off taught me that it's never the destination, it's the journey, and I will continue my journey until I'm dead, because there's too much to see in one life time. And when I'm dead? There'll be nothing left to worry about. Holy Jesus fucking Christ that is the most beautiful thing I think I've read. You should put that on quotesporn, that is pure brilliance, really. The comparisons you made above, I've been in both places and for most of them, the first example was me four years ago and the latter is me now. I hope for your sake that you don't end up like me... you asked why I quit and it's because I thought I had seen it all. I thought I'd seen whatever my life COULD be and that it wasn't worth going through this mindless bullshit to try and get there. That's pretty much it I guess. However, you've made me realize maybe what my life could be is outside of my imagination and I've yet to feel and experience things that truly make me appreciate life. I should be the one thanking you.",-0.0615,negative,disappointed 71,depressed,"I feel like shit... I'm so young, what do I do?",speaker,7,"You're welcome. While writing this, I felt as though I should leave entire segments out; I was convinced otherwise. God bless you on your endeavor. Edit: And thank you.",0.8979,positive,faithful 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,speaker,1,"I never thought of myself as being really good looking but I always thought I was alright to look at. I take good care of myself, I'm at the gym 5 days a week, I'm confident, I'm humble, I smile at strangers, I'm a little shy but I deal with it pretty well, I can make small talk, I put effort into my appearance, I don't have drama in my life and when I'm not depressed I have a good sense of humor. I'm single and trying to meet someone but my self esteem has hit critical levels. I've been trying to meet people organically through things like meetup, but most people I'm running into are older folks. So I also signed up with some dating sites, and that was probably my mistake. I expected it to be rough but not this rough. I don't go fishing. If I message someone it's because I read their profile and really found them appealing, and I take the time to write something personal.. ask them about something in their profile, tell them a little about me. And every time they'll visit my profile and I'll never hear from them again. I can shrug it off for a little while but when I have 0 responses against 20 messages sent out over the past few months, it starts to make me feel like there's some mystery feature about me that's so horrifying that I don't qualify for... well anything: dating, friendship, a response, a rejection. The spark was when I added craigslist to the mix (I know, but my cousin and her husband met there so...). I actually got a response and we chatted for a few days, having a nice conversation and getting along well. She asked me to send her some photos (I actually did in my first response but I guess she missed it). I did and that was the last I heard from her. The pattern is pretty consistent. Someone seems cool, and I pique her interest enough that she visits my profile / asks for pics via email, and that's the last I hear from them. I just wish I knew what it is, maybe it's something I would want to change if I was more aware of it. I'm not here for an ego boost or anything... I'm just really depressed about this and needed to vent. It's bleeding over into my personal relationships and work. I'm starting to feel like I should plan on being alone for a long, long while and that's what's been going through my head all day today.",0.9922,positive,confident 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear this. I don't have much advice except to keep looking and not to lose hope. Have you tried meeting people through other, non-online avenues, like local clubs, organizations, church, etc.? Even the gym?",0.3425,positive,questioning 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,speaker,3,"Thanks for responding. I'm trying to, but it's difficult. My friends and family are all settled down and can't introduce me to anyone. I telecommute full time so I can't meet anyone through work. I'm not a bar/club person. And I know at the gym most people just want to be left alone so I just keep to myself when I'm there. So I mostly get out via meetup or go out with friends hoping I might met someone, but so far no luck there.",0.7813,positive,lonely 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,listener_1,4,"Where are you from, if I may ask?",0.0,neutral,questioning 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,listener_1,5,"I see. I'm not a bar/club person, either, so unsure of that scene. In the past, when I've wondered how to meet people, I've always come to the conclusion that it's better to actually try and fail than not do anything at all. For example, if I was at the grocery store and wanted to say ""hi"" to someone, I could rationalize that I'm too shy or they may want to not be bothered. But then I realize that the worst thing that could happen is I didn't meet someone, and that's where I started. This was all hypothetical in my head and I don't usually act this way in real life, but I still think it's true. Are you good at putting yourself in possibly uncomfortable situations?",-0.5388,negative,apprehensive 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,speaker,6,"Yeah, I'm pretty outgoing when I see someone interesting. Although my confidence is getting pretty shaken these days =\",0.9231,positive,apprehensive 72,depressed,Something's horribly unattractive about me and I don't know what...,speaker,7,Upstate NY,0.0,neutral,proud 73,depressed,"Oh, how things change.",speaker,1,"I'm 17 years old right now, and so much has changed within the last few years. I can't leave my house anymore (for reasons I cannot even explain here on reddit), and there's no way I'll be able to make it in the real world. I've had to switch to a different kind of school. I can't sleep at night and I can't stay awake during the day; I'm so nervous even in my own house, around my own mom and dad. I'm so much worse than everyone else I know of in every way I can imagine. Gone are the days of attending family get togethers or visiting old friends from my childhood. I can't have a real hobby, and I'll never be able to persue a career. I can't interact with real people anymore, and it's killing me. I sit in front of my computer every day, thinking tomorrow might just a little more bearable but it never is. I listen to the music I did just a few years ago, I still hear the bell from my middle school ringing in the distance. It haunts me. I dream about what I could have been every single night. There's so much I could have offered to world, and so much more I could've learned. I am physically and emotionally broken. My two best friends, the only real friends I've ever had, moved away almost two years ago. My sister just went off to college a few months ago. I'll text them once in a while just to see how they're doing, but I can no longer convince myself that my absence would affect them. They have their own lives, their own relationships, their own interests. My parents are the only thing tying me to this existance, but they won't be around forever. They're so nice, though, so understanding. But I have destroyed my one chance at life. I see regular people on TV or outside my house every day and I've grown to hate them, even though I know how wrong it is. I need a way out. I just need this to stop.",-0.6779,negative,afraid 73,depressed,"Oh, how things change.",listener_1,2,"You aren't worse than everyone around you, far from it. Just remember that none of this is your fault. You have a mood disorder and it's something that takes a lot of time and a lot of courage to overcome. But you need to trust that things will improve. You can reclaim your life bit by bit. There's no rush, you are still young, you can take your time. Just know that there are better things out there than what you are experiencing, and that all of them are in your grasp. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, I can tell you from experience with having a severe anxiety disorder (which I know isn't exactly the same thing, but it entailes a lot of the same feelings) that things can and will get better. ",0.5736,positive,trusting 73,depressed,"Oh, how things change.",speaker,3,"All I can say is ""thank you."" Sometimes a few words of encouragement can feel better than anything. I just... I feel like I need time off from everything. Just a few months completely to myself, with no responsibilities, no dentist appointments, no prying old friends off of the phone, etc. In maybe 5 years, I think everything will be as close to normal as it'll ever be. But I feel like I've been cheated out of what could have been the best years of my life. Like everything I could have had was stolen from me, and there's nothing I can do but wait. So I will, I guess. Thanks again just for taking the time to read this, and being able to understand what someone else is going through. I hope everything's going okay for you as well. Take care.",0.9758,positive,disappointed 73,depressed,"Oh, how things change.",listener_1,4,"No problem! :) Feel free to PM me if you want to talk more about it. I've also experienced that feeling of ""losing the best years of my life"". But I think once things start to get better (and I'm still working on things myself), you'll just be thankful for that and won't be so focused on time lost. But in the moment it definitely does just feel like you're watching time slip away.",0.9714,positive,sentimental 74,depressed,I just need to escape...,speaker,1,"Escape this middle class suburban town that I know some people would love to live in, but I hate. Everyone here is so fake. All my ""friends"" got girlfriends and now they don't need me anymore. When we make plans they ditch me and leave me to watch Netflix at home alone while they're out. The life that I live isn't for me and I need to escape. I would never kill myself, I literally need to leave everything and start over. The problem is I'm trapped. Trapped by school, trapped by my parents, trapped by money. I just hope that college is a fresh start, and I can choose my own path rather than the path that I was born into. I don't care what anyone on reddit thinks of this post. This is what's going on in my head, I needed to get it out and this felt like the right place to do it.",-0.9567,negative,lonely 74,depressed,I just need to escape...,listener_1,2,Well good on ya for getting it out there man. That is the first step. College opens up many doorways for the new comers. Especially if you can get in an out of state college. That way you are able to choose when you go back home or not. You could start over in a brand new city and setting. Best of luck to you.,0.9042,positive,wishing 74,depressed,I just need to escape...,speaker,3,Hiking the Appalachian Trail is definitely something I wanna do before I die that sounds great. I hope everything works out for you man. Hopefully you'll meet some great people.,0.9118,positive,encouraging 75,depressed,I'm sorry...I need to rant. I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.,speaker,1,"It's not that I'm alone tonight. I'm lonely because I truly feel like I have no one. I have lost who I actually am, therefore, people have walked out of my life. Back in September, I attempted suicide and put myself in the hospital for 3 days. After I got out (which I'm still wondering what the reason is for that) I haven't really felt the same. I feel so weak. This is not who I am. Before, I had the mindset that I could tear down mountains and I wouldn't let anyone get in my way. While having that mindset, I would never hurt anyone. I loved and cared about everyone in my life. But this whole year, I got weaker and I hurt the people I love so much. Why would I have the balls to do that?! Why did I lose who I was? What is the reason? Why am I still breathing? I lost the one person who I love with all my heart because I had hurt him. Why would I hurt him? I love and care about him so much. He was the best person who ever walked into my life. I can't even describe the pain I'm feeling because he left. At first I was in denial about him actually leaving. The past couple of days it really has hit me and I can't handle the pain. On top of this, we had to put my dog Penny down on December 2nd. I lost the love of my life and my dog in the matter of 3 days. And to make things worse, things in my home life aren't going well AT ALL. I feel so lonely. I don't know why all of this bad shit is happening at once. Is this like a test? A wake up call? I know who I used to be. I want to be that Emily again. I'm taking the steps to be her again. But I guess this all just takes time. I apologize if this post doesn't make sense or is out of order. I just need to rant. ",-0.5298,negative,lonely 75,depressed,I'm sorry...I need to rant. I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.,listener_1,2,"I don't know what you're going through, but I have a feeling that I can relate to what you're feeling. At this point in my life, I feel lost too. I believe that everyone is going to experience the feeling of getting ""lost"", and everybody will at some point get ""lost"". The smiling, happy and successful people are not those who don't get lost, they are those who know how to find themselves, because they've got lost so many times.",0.8791,positive,agreeing 75,depressed,I'm sorry...I need to rant. I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.,speaker,3,I agree with that too. That everyone will get lost at one point in there life. I have already made some big changes in my life and I honestly can say that I feel my old self is coming back. It feels fucking great. I'm thrilled. ,0.8947,positive,excited 75,depressed,I'm sorry...I need to rant. I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.,speaker,4,You are too wonderful for words! I never would of expected someone to put so much effort into a reply to my post. Thank you so much! You gave me great advice and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Thank you again for caring. It's very appreciated :3 ,0.9741,positive,grateful 75,depressed,I'm sorry...I need to rant. I'm sitting here alone on a Friday night and I don't think I've ever felt so lonely.,listener_2,5,No problem at all. It's always good to know your not alone. Hope things get better! ,0.7707,positive,consoling 76,depressed,I need someone,speaker,1,"I was single for a few months after my last long relationship. Then I started spending time around this one girl. We ended up dating for about two months. She recently broke up with me out of nowhere. I know there are different kinds of depression, and I know that I'm not just sad about the breakup. I am sad because of it, but this depression I feel is heavier than just heartbreak. I just got let go from a well-paying job, and I haven't been able to save any money to get my own place. That's what started this problem. From there, I also have residual problems with my family. I'm now 20 years old and I feel like I have nobody to talk to. I feel like I'm unwanted by anybody. I feel like my family would be better off without me. I can't sleep anymore, I can't eat, I can't enjoy anything that I used to. I do use cannabis to help my back injury pain, but I know it isn't the cannabis causing my depression.",-0.9683,negative,sad 76,depressed,I need someone,listener_1,2,Dude I feel ya on the self medicating for back pain. I am also a user for medicinal purposes. Alot of my depression comes from the uncertainty of weather or not I can function during the painful days. Just hang in there dude everything will be ok. You can pm me and we can talk I will listen to anything you got to say. ,-0.9062,negative,trusting 76,depressed,I need someone,listener_2,3,I feel the same. I really really missed my girlfriend today. Plus the depressing weather makes it even worse. I feel super lonely at times. I wish I had someone to talk to.,-0.5222,negative,lonely 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,speaker,1,I'm done I can't handle life anymore. I just thought you all deserved a goodbye. It's been good. Time to finally be an hero...,0.7579,positive,sad 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,listener_1,2,"I can't tell you you can't do it, I don't know what's going on, I don't know the small details, I don't know you. But I would like to. If you could take the time to just talk to me for an hour, then rethink what you want to do with your life?",0.5719,positive,questioning 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,speaker,3,It doesn't matter... How will it help.... ,0.3871,positive,acknowledging 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,listener_1,4,"If it can't hurt either, why not try?",0.4168,positive,suggesting 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,speaker,5,K. ,0.0,neutral,surprised 77,depressed,Goodbye reddit,listener_2,6,Talking helps.,0.3818,positive,acknowledging 78,depressed,Anyone else home alone tonight?,speaker,1,"I dont know if im in the wrong sub or not but i apologize in advance, this is my first post. its 9 pm on new years eve. and im home alone without a single person who i feel could give a shit. the person who i had plans with tonight completely blew me off to do something else. in these last few months ive come to realize that i dont have any real friends. im 22 years old. i should have some sort of life. Instead i end up at home sitting in my room depressed and feeling sorry for myself.. I dont really expect to get anything from this post or honestly anyone really to even see it, i just needed to get that out. thanks i suppose. if anyone else is home alone tonight feel free to pm me or comment on this.. just waiting on the downvotes to come pouring in..",0.2278,positive,lonely 79,depressed,"Anybody who needs somebody to talk to, read this!",speaker,1,"Hey, I like to go by the name of Anima. I absolutely love to talk to people, whether it be a deep conversation, or a simple conversation about how your day was. I am willing to give advice to anybody looking for it, be ""E-friends"" with them, and just kind of be there for them.. You know? I'm not forcing you to message me, it's simply an option if you are interested in some free advice, or just a friend to talk to. Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/anima.says Tumblr: AnimaSays.tumblr.com email: AnimaTumblr@gmail.com I am willing to talk to anybody, about anything, at anytime. ",0.945,positive,caring 79,depressed,"Anybody who needs somebody to talk to, read this!",listener_1,2,do you have skype?,0.0,neutral,questioning 79,depressed,"Anybody who needs somebody to talk to, read this!",speaker,3,"Currently no and I have a reason for this. Me going by the ""Internet Identity"" Anima, makes me neither man or women, neither young or old, neither white or black, nor does it tell you where I am from. I'm kind of an anonymous person there to converse with you.. you know? Perhaps in the near future I will add Skype to my list of ways you can get into contact with me, but currently I would rather stay some-what anonymous. I'm sorry, but it's just a simple preference at the moment. If you would like to simply chat using the Skypes IM.. I am down for that (: Again I am sorry -Anima",0.7227,positive,faithful 79,depressed,"Anybody who needs somebody to talk to, read this!",listener_1,4,yes it was ment for chat only.,0.4019,positive,neutral 79,depressed,"Anybody who needs somebody to talk to, read this!",speaker,5,"Yes I have just made a Skype account. Due to my lack of knowledge on Skype I am unsure upon what details I am supposed to give you. :/ My email I used for Skype is: AnimaTumblr@Gmail.com If that's not what you use to add people, you could just PM me your email/username and I could add you c: Sorry for my lack of Skype knowledge ",-0.6808,negative,embarrassed 80,depressed,"I have been seeking help, and it's coming very slowly",speaker,1,"Long story short, I've been having depression issues on and off for a few years...but i'm a really positive guy and the simple act of seeking help has previously helped me from my funk. I went back into counseling a month ago, and 3 days later my fiancee told me she's a lesbian. Apparently I misinterpreted ""I want to marry you and have your babies"" That's not fair. I'm not mad at her. She wanted those things when she said them, she's been through a lot of shit too. She fell in love with me because I was everything she never had and because she saw our family having all the things she craved her whole life. It speaks highly of how she felt about me, and I know that she did truly care. She has been a bit selfish on the back end, especially considering that I was REALLY AWESOME about the whole ""woops, i'm gay"" thing. The point here being that I was REALLY LOW and got LOWER, because the ONE THING I was REALLY HAPPY about just disappeared. I've continued going to weekly counseling, and my counselor suggested I see a psychiatrist. I went directly from a counseling appointing to my doctor that day, with a note saying that I need to see the psychiatrist. It's been 3 weeks and I have yet to even be SCHEDULED an appointment. I am moving to Florida ASAP, could be 2 weeks could be 6 weeks...I don't even know, the not knowing is really frustrating. I don't really know that I'll even get to see a psychiatrist before I go...and I have no health insurance. I currently get help from a church group, but they have to run everybody through health care assessments because of the new Obamacare stuff...when I go to FL I will have to go through that before I can even try to get help...and it's been a MONTH since I requested a health care assessment up here. I can build myself up for a while...but every single day I fall back down. I know that I need help now...but it's not coming. And that scares me. Everything is so uncertain and it freaks me out. I am really afraid that something else bad is going to happen to me, a relative dying or something...I am just too fragile right now. I didn't just lose my lady and our future kids...I lost her entire family as my support group. I need a new one.",0.8668,positive,angry 80,depressed,"I have been seeking help, and it's coming very slowly",listener_1,2,"Have you gotten a psych appointment yet? It should not take that long for them to get back to you. If you are able to, I recommend calling them and making an enquiry about the hold up. >I can build myself up for a while...but every single day I fall back down. >I know that I need help now...but it's not coming. And that scares me. >Everything is so uncertain and it freaks me out. I really am at a loss for words because this is about as nightmarish as it can get but you're still holding up pretty well with minimal help. Its been close to a month since your last post, how have you been doing? *support hug*",0.9564,positive,apprehensive 80,depressed,"I have been seeking help, and it's coming very slowly",speaker,3,"Citrus County, Lecanto",0.0,neutral,faithful 80,depressed,"I have been seeking help, and it's coming very slowly",speaker,4,"I appreciate you, I really and truly do. Thank you for your compassion and your concern. It was a weird twist of events, I was given an appointment, but it was too close to my move date, and they said i would not be able to be treated without a follow up. I had a check up at my GP that would not prescribe to me, my blood pressure was through the roof though 10 days before I had been put on a huge dose of blood pressure medicine, I explained the link with my anxiety and my nurse stole a doctor from the hall and kinda strongarmed her into writing me a prescription. I have done well with meds, I have been seeking guidance and help, I have been eating the way my body needs and exercising and spending plenty of time out in the Florida sunshine. I am not cured, but I am in remission. (((((((((((0root)))))))))))",0.903,positive,grateful 80,depressed,"I have been seeking help, and it's coming very slowly",listener_1,5,"I wanna spend time in the sunshine too!! ): I'm not a fan of the saying ""things will get better eventually"" but in your circumstance (and thanks to your strength) I'm glad it seems to be that way. If you feel the need to talk about stuff, drop me a PM or something. I can't promise to reply immediately but I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Stay safe and all the best!",0.9692,positive,wishing 81,depressed,How can no one notice I'm drowning..?,speaker,1,Today in school I just realized how repetitive and useless my life is... No one would know if I was gone... I am the kid who walks down the halls staring at the ground with headphones in trying to stay out of the way.. Don't get a second glance. I'm ugly... I just broke up with my girlfriend cause she won the talk to me was she just with me to feel desired.. And the few friends I have don't notice I'm drowning and need someone to care and help me... How can they not see. I have so many scars on my arms...,0.4019,positive,lonely 81,depressed,How can no one notice I'm drowning..?,listener_1,2,"Hey buddy. So I just came across this and thought maybe I could say some words since you sound pretty similar to how I felt all through high-school(graduated in 06). I had my core group of friends, but rarely tried to socialize out of that group without one of them with me. I always felt lonely, depressed, alone. I started cutting in 10th grade, no one said anything, no one seemed to care. But one thing I've realized since getting a bit older is that everyone is very self centered in high school. I don't mean that in a bad way, I just mean everyone is more concerned about what is going on in their own lives, and creating and themselves than they seem to be for others, in spite of what any show based on high school shows you. This might sound really hard, but one thing you have to work on that will help a lot is a more open personality. It took me a while and I had to actively tell myself 'just ask them this question, just do it! don't be scared. nothing bad will happen, etc'. It has gotten much easier with time, and I realized I could have had a lot more friends back then if I hadn't been so quiet. You have to remember that the way you see yourself in your head is not how everyone else sees you on the outside, so even though you're going crazy in your head everyone just else just sees someone who's naturally probably introverted and quiet, and not necessarily like there's anything wrong. Honestly, just being honestly kind and friendly to people, even for 1 or 2 sentence conversations with a smile on your face can do wonders for how you feel. Plus, you said you had a girlfriend, so that means you can't be profoundly ugly, even if she said something like that, YOU were still the one to dump her. It sounds like she herself has very low self esteem if she ""wanted to feel desired"". I only had 1 real relationship in high school and at the time, yeah it bothered me, but now that I'm older I really couldn't care less about that because I can look back with clearer eyes and see all the personality flaws of the people I thought I adored back then and I know I really didn't miss out on much. I just want you to know, I know how you feel, I was there, it blows. BUT you have it in you to change things. Just try and put yourself out there, get out of your own head a little bit, don't worry about the little things you do being embarrassing cause chances are everyone around is focusing so hard on the little shit they did being embarrassing no one even noticed/cared. I'm on all the time if you're feeling down and we can chat if you want and don't think everything I just spat out sounds like nonsense. ",0.9145,positive,lonely 81,depressed,How can no one notice I'm drowning..?,speaker,3,That's the thing I am very outgoing and social but this last year I have noticed that I just bug people and I am more of an annoyance than anything... Like Ya occasionally I will say something witty or funny. But usually people just ignore me or don't want to listen... ,0.2306,positive,embarrassed 81,depressed,How can no one notice I'm drowning..?,listener_1,4,"Well that's one of those things you just shouldn't dwell on because it will always happen. When I spend time with my closest friends even these days they'll cut me off mid sentence, I'll start talking and realize no one is paying attention, make a joke and get no response from anyone. My point is, these are people that I know care deeply about me and would do anything if I needed it, and yet that will happen because it just kind of does. I've gotten a lot better at shrugging it off, since honestly that's all you really can do, since it definitely does happen more with people who aren't friends. Plus, some people will get you and some people won't, that's how it is with every person, even the prettier ones. I know some very attractive people who, even if they claimed undying love for me, I would definitely turn down because dear lord I cannot stand them as humans. ",0.9773,positive,embarrassed 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,speaker,1,I'm done and want something quick and painless to end this shit..,-0.4118,negative,hopeful 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,listener_1,2,I am not going to support suicide! if you need someone to talk to lay your problems here I bet mine are worse,-0.9161,negative,faithful 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,speaker,3,Then don't support it. Just answer the question. ,-0.3089,negative,neutral 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,listener_1,4,Come on man don't be like that. There are no unpainful quick ways of suicide really....,-0.8321,negative,questioning 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,speaker,5,Lots of pills sounds like I Would just fall asleep for good,0.6597,positive,afraid 82,depressed,What would be the quickest and least painful way to die?,listener_2,6,"Obviously I have no experience in this but I've read that with pills, it often takes days until you are dead and in the worst case, you just end up with a liver failure or something without dying at all. Maybe it's different in the US though, you could have stronger pills than we have. I've thought about this stuff for a long time and I think *if* I'm gonna do it I'll jump in front of a train (it's quick and 99% lethal, but often traumatic for the train driver and it's not very nice in general) or death by suffocation (exhaust fumes or something?).",-0.9871,negative,apprehensive 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,speaker,1,I don't want to kill myself. I don't even know if I want to die. I just wish I had never started to exist. Sometimes I curse my parents for being the reason I'm alive.,0.1818,positive,ashamed 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_1,2,"I feel similar up until cursing my parents. I've never put the blame on them for my existence, only messing it up",0.2584,positive,ashamed 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_2,3,"If I had a handgun, I would kill myself right at that instant. I don't want to suffer from the pain. I just want it to be quick and without any pain. I'm not a coward from death. I'd prefer to not suffer. ",-0.4479,negative,terrified 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_3,4,"Yeah, I have that feeling a lot, too. I've tried killing myself with overdosing, and it's awful, you just feel like compete shit and I ended up in the ER. I just want to leave this world without pain, an a gun would ensure that. I wouldn't want to make a huge mess. I've often thought of going on some kind of sleeping medication and just pass out in the snow, freezing to death under the stars doesn't sound terrible",-0.7885,negative,afraid 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_2,5,It doesn't sound terrible at all. I love the cold. It's around 20 degree Fahrenheit here and I'm just wearing short sleeves and shorts. ,0.7753,positive,afraid 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_3,6,"Haha yeah, I'm the same way, I adore the cold, I get cranky it if it goes above 75. I'm from the southeast so it doesn't get too cold, I was so happy when it dropped below 20 ",0.9266,positive,joyful 83,depressed,Anybody else feel this way?,listener_2,7,I'm on the eastern side of the US. I hate when it gets above 60. ,-0.5719,negative,annoyed 84,depressed,You Die Inside,speaker,1,"You sit on your front porch, watching the street light across the street. It flickers once. It's 3:22 am and you just realized that even though your family loves you, the only think you need is someone to care for, some to love. So you sit on your front porch, watching the light. you might smoke a cigarette or two, but you don't really need them. You watch the tree near the street light sway in the wind, scared of life. You might have had a girl in your life once, but it soured and went wrong. It might have been your fault, but odds are that it wasn't. Odds are is that she dumped you, because being with you made her depressed. Then you realized that you just lost a great chance to change your life around. So you sit outside on your front porch. You watch the street light across the street. You might shed a tear or two, but this isn't a physical sadness that can be purged. This is a soul-crushing, black abyss kind of sadness. And you are scared and alone, and all you want is someone to look at you and say: ""Everything will be okay. Come with me."" Instead, you sit on your front porch. You watch the street light. And you die inside. Goodnight /r/depressed. I didn't write this. I found it on /b awhile back. It's pretty much exactly how I feel. ",-0.944,negative,lonely 84,depressed,You Die Inside,listener_1,2,"> but this isn't a physical sadness that can be purged. This is a soul-crushing, black abyss kind of sadness. yeah.",0.1579,positive,neutral 84,depressed,You Die Inside,speaker,3,"I've found someone, thankfully. I've known her since 9th grade year of high school and I'm in college now. Give it time and hopefully it will get better, OP. ",0.8126,positive,consoling 84,depressed,You Die Inside,listener_2,4,"I've been waiting. Looking. Trying. All that jazz for years. And I go day in and day out expecting to get out of bed (and, yeah, it's hard, but I'm trying) and have something happen that'll change things. But it doesn't. ",0.1027,positive,disappointed 84,depressed,You Die Inside,speaker,5,I know that feeling. It sucks ass. ,-0.6705,negative,agreeing 85,depressed,How many of you have tried compassionpit?,speaker,1,When I was really depressed I tried compassionpit.com its this anonymous chat. Where you just vent or listen. It actually helped to help others or vent either or. Just a thought. ,-0.2247,negative,caring 85,depressed,How many of you have tried compassionpit?,listener_1,2,I'm going to check that out right now :) edit: nevermind i doesn't work,0.4588,positive,suggesting 85,depressed,How many of you have tried compassionpit?,speaker,3, v2.compassionpit.com is the website ,0.0,neutral,grateful 85,depressed,How many of you have tried compassionpit?,speaker,4,if you ever need someone to talk to send me an email at nihilzt69@yahoo.com I would be more than happy to listen!,0.6452,positive,acknowledging 85,depressed,How many of you have tried compassionpit?,listener_1,5,thanks for the offer i really appreciate it :),0.8464,positive,acknowledging 86,depressed,I don't know,speaker,1,"I'm not sure if this really belongs here but I don't know if i'm depressed or not. lately i just feel really empty. I've thought about death and suicide a lot. not saying that i'm suicidal, just the thought of not existing anymore sounds really good. I dont know what my life is anymore.",-0.9754,negative,lonely 86,depressed,I don't know,listener_1,2,"Anything unfortunate change in your life? Break up, college, friends drifting away? That is a mild form of depression (at the least). What precipitates you feeling this way--boredome, loneliness, a fight? Feeling rah-rah happy all the time or living without loneliness once in a while isn't normal. Regular emptiness might be. (Sounds like you have ""ennui"" to me.) I would start keeping a journal, if you don't already. It's normal to think about how meaningful or content your own life is once in a while; it's depression when it starts clouding your ability to function or experience pleasure. Hope things get better. ",0.8928,positive,questioning 86,depressed,I don't know,speaker,3,"Thanks for the input it means a lot. This tends to happen a lot and normally I feel better after awhile, but these feelings have been going on for almost a week now. No real drastic changes, just thinking of my life and realizing I just don't really have any specific purpose. Like if I just sank into the ground it wouldnt impact the world that much. But anyways thanks for the well informed response",0.8705,positive,acknowledging 87,depressed,It was only a matter of time...,speaker,1,"I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, and I'm not very old. I've never been afraid of death, but I would never intentionally try to kill myself. I am the most cautious person I know. But from a very young age I had a hard time of finding passions and reasons to keep living. I've always selfishly hated my mother for the choices she has made my half-brothers and I go through, and my dad always urges me to forgive her, and try to make it through graduation. I love my dad and he could literally be the next Dali Lama, but I never have been able to tell him how I feel about what goes on, for his sake. I never had a childhood, which made my teen years lazy and fake. I've never really had good friends because I refuse to open up to anyone. Actually, there was someone, but that relationship was far to one sided where I ended up picking up her problems instead. Something tonight just pushed me to the point to try and reach out to people. I'm stuck between anger and sadness. If you've made it through this mess of text and cluttered thought, feel free to ask me anything. This might sound bad, but I never talk about myself and I'm having feelings that no one cares for me as much as I care for everyone else. ",-0.9903,negative,ashamed 87,depressed,It was only a matter of time...,speaker,2,I feel like I need to confess some things about my life...,0.3612,positive,sentimental 87,depressed,It was only a matter of time...,speaker,3,"I feel like I need to elaborate on that more. I have ""friends"" but just people who I can hang out with at school. She was someone that I got to know better over a summer, and we texted a lot, went to lunch, hung out, everything. Most of what we talked about though was the bad things in our lives. She was in a household that expected a lot from her, she struggled with a balance between school and dancing, and she had an issue with befriending the wrong people. I was always there with a shoulder to cry on, and I tried helping her with school to make things easier. She was starting to get happier. I was getting worse. I offered help to her, but I never got any help from her. It seemed whenever I tried to bring up something in my life, she would bring up something in her life to counter it. I really liked her, though. She clearly didn't think of me in that way, because she kinda treated me like trash. When she would start to feel better about herself, she all of a sudden would forget about me and find new groups of people to hang out with. This could all be my fault. I never really asked her out, to be my girlfriend. I never went out of my way to ask her why she doesn't talk I me anymore. But I see why people felt like she alienated them before, and why some people call her a bitch. I feel like I know better than that, though. Her issues were real, and I still care about her. ",0.945,positive,trusting 87,depressed,It was only a matter of time...,speaker,4,"Well most of my issue with death, is that I've never really had anything I was passionate about. I'm going to college here soon, and I realized that I'm not going to have a point in my life where I'm not going to have to work. Retirement seems bleak, and I really find pleasure in life when I'm not doing anything. With the way I stress out over things, I don't know how I'm going to make it as an adult worrying about money on top of everything else. I'm also not sure if I'm afraid of being alone in life, or if I'm going to prefer it. At least as far as a significant other. I haven't dated, or kissed a girl yet and based upon my social skills and motivation, it won't happen unless someone goes out of their way to be with me. I just don't see a life ahead of me that would be worth living. thank you so much for you words. Just knowing that after finally building up the courage to write a little about my life, that someone actually read it and is going through similar things. ",0.7803,positive,sad 88,depressed,I feel like shit,speaker,1,Yesterday I got home at like 11 from work. My boyfriend just plays guitar and ignores me until bed time. We go to bed and he starts fooling around with me but I have to go pee. When I come back he is facing the wall and he ignored me. I can't sleep for over a hour. I wake up to him playing with me but he can't really get hard and neither of us enjoy the sex. He then asks me if I have been sleeping with other guys because my pussy is like a hallway. He hasn't talked to me for a good hour and a half since I got upset from his comment.,0.0286,neutral,angry 88,depressed,I feel like shit,listener_1,2,I feel for you. Keep your head up and know that you are special. Even if some people can't recognize it. ,0.4019,positive,caring 88,depressed,I feel like shit,speaker,3,"Thank you, I really appreciate it",0.6697,positive,sympathizing 89,depressed,I don't know how to cope with all this possibility of death in my future,speaker,1,"I want to get this off my chest... don't have friends who understand what just listening means. Anyway... So, in my family there has not been a stroke of luck whatsoever. My one biggest fear is my mother passing away. I almost lost her once, when I was about ten, to suicide. Just two days ago she told me the doctors possibly found a tumor in her uterus or stomach, or whatever. I haven't seen her in a year. I broke apart at that moment. Three years ago an uncle, her youngest brother was killed, and ever since then everyone in my family has been weak. My grandmother is a ticking time bomb, the doctors say at any moment, at any amount of heavy stress, she can be gone. My mother told me a secret about another of her brothers that has cancer but refused chemotherapy and has not told his family or anyone, just my mom. And my mom told me. Do you people see this dominoe effect of death that may occur? I don't know how to cope with this. I hide it, all this hiding my anxiety and stress has caused the left side of my face to go numb, which causes me even more stress and anxiety, especially after my mother told me that she wouldn't know how to handle it if something bad happened to me or if I stroked out. I know I'm being dramatic and imagining the worst case scenario, but that's just what's in my head right now, and I needed to get this out. How can so much bad luck happen to a family of good people? I couldn't handle it if my mother's tumor was severely cancerous. My mom ""leaving"" would be the end to a lot of people. Like, it just pisses me the hell off when dumbass people get all the good things happen to them. It pisses me off when bad people have all the luck. And what the hell is with this healthcare bs? My mom has to wait until she gets paid so she can pay the doctors to give her an ultrasound for her tumor. What the hell is that crap? And like three months ago I went to the hospital for this face numbness and I waited like three hours, and when I went to go ask the nurse what was up, she said I should stay because I could be having a stroke, and I asked how much longer the wait and she said like three, five hours. Wtf. I just left. And health insurance? Eff that crap, eff the neurologist that said would give me an appointment, eff that nurse from the neurologist that said I was in the emergency list. Eff all these horrible bad people. I'm sick of so much badness, everwhere...Thank you giving me somewhere to write this. ",-0.9989,negative,terrified 89,depressed,I don't know how to cope with all this possibility of death in my future,listener_1,2,"Hey, I'm experiencing a similar situation. The only thing I can say is it does hurt really bad but you've gotta try and just be there for your mum. By the sounds of it she will need someone to be her rock right now, and whilst it's an awful place to be in for anyone in the situation, just try your best. Just being there to talk to will most likely be enough. We may have free healthcare in the UK, but the devastating effects of the illness my family members has faced has left 3 people I care about more than anything else, well basically shattered as human beings. We found out my Grandma has tumors on her bladder and kidneys, I feel like I've been stabbed really deep in my chest but I know she needs us to be there for her, especially through the next few weeks of testing. I don't have any friends and a very small family but one place I've found is the /r/kindvoice sub, if you're having a particularly rough day, have a look in there, some really nice people that'll be there when you need someone. Don't know what all that is meant to do, maybe just let you know you're not on your own, and no matter how shit the world is, there's always someone listening to you. ",-0.8705,negative,caring 89,depressed,I don't know how to cope with all this possibility of death in my future,speaker,3,"Thank you for that, I will definitely give it a try, thank you so much",0.7717,positive,agreeing 89,depressed,I don't know how to cope with all this possibility of death in my future,listener_1,4,"Cool and anytime, it's always good to talk :)",0.802,positive,acknowledging 90,depressed,I'm misfortunately fortunate :/,speaker,1,"I'm not poor nor sick but I feel like such an unlucky person. I'm gay, I've got Peyronie's disease, small penis, paruresis, a sacral dimple and don't feel like I belong in my home country, don't speak the main language very well and it really sucks. I don't know if I want to breath anymore, all these things are constantly bothering me. How can someone else love me if I don't love myself? I feel like I'm sexually incompetent, small penis and sacral fucking dimple :( I don't know what to do, don't know where to turn. Googled ""feeling suicidal"" and got plenty of hotlines and sites, but when I did in my country's language, I got none :( Even if I did it would be super hard for me to express how I feel. I hate my life :/ I'm 19.",-0.9264,negative,sad 90,depressed,I'm misfortunately fortunate :/,listener_1,2,"I was miserable at 19 too -- for different reasons (no penis, I'm a girl :), but like most teen girls I had body image issues). You're at a really hard age for people with depression/anxiety -- it usually begins to manifest itself around the teen/twenties and so you haven't learned what works for you to get rid of it (medication, therapy, exercise, meditation, moving the hell away from whatever country you're in and don't like). Communication is key to happiness and if you have a language barrier I'd definitely work on that. I wonder if there are any classes you can take. If not, is there a group of people who speak your language you can reach out to -- a religious congregation? A minister? A family friend? I don't really know what to say about the anatomy other than you're probably making it a bigger deal that it is. Sure, some people care about that stuff but once love is involved (if you plan on finding one partner) it's not the most important thing. I'm female and don't even have any idea what a sacral dimple is (and please don't tell me -- I'm not curious), but I have a feeling it's not as big a deal as you think. If it's a big self-esteem issue you may want to talk to a sex therapist or regular therapist about it. They've heard it all. Edit: Consider posting in /r/depression (I think it gets more views). I'm not sure where you might post questions about penis issues .... but reddit has a forum for just about everything so there might be something out there (just avoid the trolls and make sure to mark the post as [serious] or posting may not be a great idea). ",0.9021,positive,sad 90,depressed,I'm misfortunately fortunate :/,listener_2,3,"A sacral simple isn't anything to do with genitalia, it's just a dimple at the lower part of the spine. Sometimes it looks like a second butthole - not to be rude.",0.4176,positive,embarrassed 91,depressed,"So, I fucked up.",speaker,1,"I've never submitted anything here and I don't really want to get into great detail, but I basically just fucked up the best relationship I've ever been in. Straight up, three years has just been flushed down the biggest crapper. I just need to vent and get it off my chest, sorry if I'm short, just a quick little feels sesh. I'm a crazy person an dI'm wonderful at ruining all the things.",0.5237,positive,devastated 91,depressed,"So, I fucked up.",listener_1,2,"You seem awfully aware of what happened to be crazy. Breaking important stuff hurts, crazy or not. Hope the next thing goes better.",-0.6814,negative,agreeing 91,depressed,"So, I fucked up.",speaker,3,"thanks, dawg.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,speaker,1,"I'm already depressed, but this just kills me. Every single day, he runs in after me to check the closet...the last place we saw my kitty (his best friend) before he ran off. I'd cut off an arm to not have let that cat out the door. I wanted him back so badly, and he just ran out the first chance he got. Pets are supposed to bring comfort, not this. I feel myself slipping a little every time it happens. Sorry, just wanted to share and didn't know where else to post.",0.4876,positive,sad 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,listener_1,2,Hi! Have you tried putting up posters or asking neighbors to keep a lookout? Try visiting pet rescues/shelters too to see if anyone brought your kitty in.. I'm sorry I can't help much. I hope you and your other kitty finds the lost kitty soon!,-0.3699,negative,sympathizing 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,speaker,3,"I did all of those things, but it's been a while now. Thank you for your thoughts, I really appreciate it.",0.8042,positive,sympathizing 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,listener_1,4,How are you getting along? You doing okay? ,0.3094,positive,questioning 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,listener_2,5,"If all else fails, this whole event has brought you closer to the cat that's still in your house. Cherish that one while you have it, and if something comes up about your lost cat, you can be even happier. I wish you good luck in finding your lost cat.",0.802,positive,wishing 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,speaker,6,"Thanks for your thoughts. I really appreciate it. I'm afraid it's way too late to find my lost cat, but it has made me appreciate my ""Beast"" that much more. He's old and fat and cranky but I know he had a special bond with my runaway. Although I feel he would never try to run out, I don't even go out the front door anymore. He will stay here, safe and comfortable for as long as he can. I'm taking no more chances with my pets.",0.927,positive,caring 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,speaker,7,"Hey. I'm getting along. There's a lot going on right now so sometimes little things set me off. I've become numb to a lot of it because I just can't process it all. It's nice when somebody cares enough to ask, so thanks for that. I've had to put up an emotional wall of sorts to keep me from slipping back into the crippling depression I've experienced in the past, but it makes me look like I just don't care about anything at all to those around me. I'm trying to find a ""happy"" medium.",0.8115,positive,grateful 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,listener_1,8,You're very much welcome. Its painful enough to deal with issues like that; worse yet to deal with it alone. Although its over the Internet but I really hope that I brought some small measure of comfort. If you need to talk just post back here or drop me a PM. I'll reply whenever I can.,0.6461,positive,sympathizing 92,depressed,I got my 2 cats back from my divorce a few years ago. One ran out the door and I wasn't able to find him. The other cat looks for him every single day in the last place he saw his friend.,listener_2,9,"I'm glad you (seem to, at least) be doing much better. 2 years ago, my outdoor cat (16 years old) had to be put down, because he was getting too old, according to my dad. I came home one day and my dad just kind of said that he was put down. 1 month later (on mother's day) we had another outdoor cat (She was all black - named ""Luna"") and my dad went out early one morning to try and find her, because she didn't come running the night before when we called her to come inside for the night. He found her on the side of the road. She had been run over, and was dead. I know the pain of losing a cat that you love, and if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.",-0.0258,neutral,surprised 93,depressed,"Due to the recent turn of events in my life, I'm losing motivation. I need something to help me back on my feet.",speaker,1,"I was a smart kid, and I got good grades. I didn't hang out with friends a whole lot outside of school. Middle school comes around, I learn about sarcasm first hand in the form of bullying, and my grades begin to slip. Just a bit, but not by much, because school got a bit harder. Bullying continued, and my grades continued to slip a bit more each year. High school comes around, and my grades slip even faster. Bullying intensifies, I start to wonder if I'm suffering from depression, and by my senior year, I've accepted that I'll die old and alone. I get into college, and I've become incredibly lazy. Happier, but very, very lazy. I meet a girl who was a friend of my friend. We first started hanging out as a group, but eventually we started hanging out alone together. I find out she likes me, and I like her too. We can't do anything about it, because she already has a boyfriend that she loves. One day, she up and decides to never talk to me ever again. Didn't answer any of my texts when I tried to talk to her, didn't acknowledge my existence when we pass each other around campus, nothing. I try to move on. I tell a friend of mine that I like another girl. She talks to her, and finds out she has a boyfriend (this girl doesn't know me, but we've seen each other around quite a lot). I say, ""it is what it is"" and I move on. I like another girl that I've had a crush on since I first met her. She tells me, ""You're a really cool friend, but I don't like you like that. Besides, I'm not even over my ex yet"" (to this day, she still isn't). I say, ""it is what it is"", and I move on. The second semester rolls around, and I get put on ""Academic Probation"" because my grades aren't where they need to be in order to keep my scholarship. This scholarship is the *only* reason why my can afford to go to college. The fourth girl comes around one day when she and her friends are around my friends, and she starts flirting with me. My friend (who talked to the second girl for me) wasn't in the room when this happened, but after finding out, she tracked this girl down and convinced her to give her my number. We start talking more and more every day, and then I start making moves as it approaches Valentine's Day (this past). I gave her a handmade card, I asked her to be my Valentine and she said ""of course!"" with a big grin on her face. It was the happiest I had been in a long time. I ask her if she wants to watch a movie with me on Valentine's Day, and she agrees to it. We go to a party (I don't drink/do drugs, I just go because my friends are all there) and she is hit on by 4 other guys during the party. A couple friends of mine pull me aside and tell me that I need to go take her away from these other guys, so I invite her into the hallway, and I tell her how I feel about her. She says ""you're really sweet, but I'm not looking for a relationship right now."" To make matters worse, my friend started dating one of her friends. I'm happy for him, but I can't help but ask why that can't be me, too. The next day, we all walk to a party together, and the girl I like ends up making out while sitting in another guy's lap *right next to me*. I leave, and then find out the next day that she ended up sleeping with someone else that I know. To this day, I've never had a girlfriend, and my first kiss was during my first semester here, and I didn't even like the girl that kissed me. Shortly after, I find out that a family friend committed suicide. I start to become severely depressed, and I lose my motivation to essentially continue with life. I have no interest in doing my school work, and it's costing a lot of money to go to school, but I just can't apply myself, no matter how hard I try. I know that I won't be coming back next semester if I don't bring my grades up, but i just can't bring myself to do the work, and it tears me up inside. My dad is constantly reminding me of all the things that he could've done with the money that he's using to send me to college, and he reminds me that he's doing this because he loves me and wants me to succeed, and I find out that my mom drained most of her savings to be able to afford me going here, as well. Before this year, it has been a long time since I've actually cried. And I cried on Valentine's Day, and I already cried once today and am starting to again. I've not only lost my motivation, but all self-confidence as well. I don't think I'm good at anything, and I feel like a waste of a human being. I don't even think I'm intelligent anymore. On top of that, I've never worked an actual job and I don't have a driver's license because I'm afraid to drive. I'm really shy and socially awkward as well, and it's a severe hindrance sometimes. My friends all said they're going to find a girl for me by the end of this semester (they said the same thing last semester, but that didn't end well). I just need something to give me hope. To give me a reason to look forward to the next day, because right now, I'm depressed and scared. If I can't bring my grades up, I won't be able to come back next year, and my dad says he's going to kick me out of the house if I fail out, but *I just can't find the motivation to do my work*. Please help.",0.9958,positive,ashamed 93,depressed,"Due to the recent turn of events in my life, I'm losing motivation. I need something to help me back on my feet.",listener_1,2,"So it sounds like there is a lot of pressure for you to succeed academically (maintaining your scholarship, keeping your dad happy). That coupled with low self confidence and repeated rejections can make anyone feel depressed sand lack motivation. My personal advice is to go out and do something different that shakes up your routine a little bit. Maybe it's trying something new like playing am instrument or taking a painting class, or maybe going away for a weekend. Doing something different might help get you out of this rut. Also, the college campus probably has a counseling center that you wouldn't have to pay for. You should really schedule an appointment just to have someone to talk to on a regular basis. College can be really hard, but as someone who has been done before, it can get better. Hang in there.",0.8331,positive,suggesting 93,depressed,"Due to the recent turn of events in my life, I'm losing motivation. I need something to help me back on my feet.",speaker,3,"I already play bass guitar, and have been for about 4 years now. I stopped about a year ago, so I'm a little rusty. But, due to my low self confidence, I didn't think (and still don't, honestly) that I was good, even when learning Led Zeppelin tabs after about 2 years of playing. I figure my life has to even out at some point, and by even out I mean actually get *good* to compensate for years and years of shit in school. If it doesn't, then at least I was optimistic about that. And yes, our campus does have a counselor (2, I think) that we can go to. They are ""bound to secrecy"" or something, which means that even if we tell them that we committed a crime, they aren't allowed to say. I suppose if things get any worse, I'll talk to one of them.",0.4731,positive,confident 93,depressed,"Due to the recent turn of events in my life, I'm losing motivation. I need something to help me back on my feet.",speaker,4,"Thanks man, means a lot :)",0.7096,positive,acknowledging 93,depressed,"Due to the recent turn of events in my life, I'm losing motivation. I need something to help me back on my feet.",listener_2,5,"No thanks needed , I know what you are going through , I know how you feel and dont want you or anyone else suffer from it . That is all there is to it :)",-0.4815,negative,agreeing 94,depressed,Alone,speaker,1,"Has anyone else ever felt so alone while surrounded by people? I feel like even though lately I've been ""getting by"" a little better I'm still so alone. Fuck this loneliness hurts man. I just want to hold someone, to feel wanted, needed. ""feeling all alone without a friend you know I feel like dying.""",-0.8788,negative,lonely 94,depressed,Alone,listener_1,2,"I literally looked at this subreddit to find a post like this. I'm right here with you. Fighting the same battle for years now, with you.",-0.3818,negative,trusting 94,depressed,Alone,speaker,3,"Thank you for the kind words. The term ""I'm on the outside looking in"" could not apply more to my situation. I sway between feeling ""okay"" around some friends and then just completely out of place. Even in situations where I should be perfectly normal, and feel fine I end up feeling like shit. Often I find myself having to initiate most of my conversations. No one really cares to talk to me unless they need help with their computer, or need money, or just plain need me to do something in general. I've been trying to plug away and turn this extreme loneliness into some good writing but my severe lack of alcohol and drugs turn this into this into a fruitless effort. I've been trying ever so desperately to meet new people and ""socialize"" but I always end up finding it exhausting and lacking when compared to what I expect. I hope you and everyone in this subreddit finds some happiness somehow. All I can do anymore is try to use my free time to write instead of turning to internet pornography and video games to quell my depression. Hopefully I'll meet the right person someday, but I just know that won't happen until I ""fix"" myself. I wish you the best, and I'll always lend an ear or in this case an eye, if you feel the need to let some more out. ",0.9633,positive,embarrassed 95,depressed,I'm really young but I'm so lost and need some help. Just take a minute please.,speaker,1,"I made a readdit account only because I am so alone that I feel this is the only place I could go to find help. I have just recently been getting really depressed with my life and I don't know what to do. I've been in a relationship for 6months now and she is all I ever think about all the time, but I'm scared she's losing interest In me. I just can't imagine a day without her in my life and I feel like she is seeing our relationship as a terminal thing. She talks to all her ex's still and her top friends on the ""snapchat"" app are her last 3 ex's. I know something is going on but I love her to much to ever ask. I just don't want the answer. If you read this far please take a minute just to try and help me. Please. My parents are also fighting a lot and my mom walked out on my family leaving my unemployed father and 4 kids behind. She sends money every 2 weeks which is enough to continue the same life I live just without a mother. My mom blames my dad and I the most saying that ""we never know how to help her problems"". I jus feel so alone and have never been a sad person but now I can barely bring myself to leave my bed in the morning. I just feel so powerless in my own life. What can I do to make my girlfriend know how I feel without sounding like I need a therapist or any mental help? How do I ask if she is cheating without really asking directly? ",0.359,positive,lonely 95,depressed,I'm really young but I'm so lost and need some help. Just take a minute please.,listener_1,2,"Actually,if you're having trouble getting out of bed in the morning,that's a sign of depression. If that's the case,you do need therapy and maybe medication. Sorry,I know it sucks (I know from experience),but it's better than dragging yourself through life feeling like shit.Ask your dad if he has insurance that covers mental health. I hope you'll be able to work everything out and feel better.",0.4215,positive,consoling 95,depressed,I'm really young but I'm so lost and need some help. Just take a minute please.,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, it amazes me that there are people in this world like you. Words can not describe how much that means to me to read and helps so much. I calmed down last night and thought about all my problems and realized how much I can fix it instead of just putting my tail between my legs and having a pity party. I talked to my parents and I'm gonna see someone and really get help. Thank you for opening my eyes.",0.9474,positive,grateful 95,depressed,I'm really young but I'm so lost and need some help. Just take a minute please.,listener_2,4,"People always fall before they learn to walk or run. It's the first time. I thank you for taking your time to read what I wrote, it makes me happy because I manage to reach out to another person. Someone help me through when I was you. Remember to help others when you are strong on your feet again :) Wish you all the best, remember not to give up even when it's hard! ",0.9744,positive,grateful 96,depressed,I'm not good enough,speaker,1,That is all my parents tell me. Nothing I do is good enough. I graduated schooling but that's not good enough. I've been looking for a job for 4 years. And because nobody will hire me it's my fault I'm not trying hard enough to get a job. The only thing good I have going for me is my fiancé and my grandmother. They both are the only reason that I'm still alive right now. I fight the urge to end it every single day. My parents push me to the edge and make me their house maid. When my underage little brother gets to smoke weed and lock himself in his bedroom with his 14 year old girlfriend all day. I don't get it I never will I live in a sexist house that expects be to do everything because I'm a woman. The only lead I have out of here is to go live with my fiancé's parents 4 states away and they are pretty much homeless right now. I don't know what to do with myself anymore.,0.5974,positive,grateful 96,depressed,I'm not good enough,listener_1,2,"Make your own rules. You might not be the person your parents wish you were, but that doesn't mean that it's not worth while to be whoever you are. Do you want to fulfill your parents idea of ""good enough"", or find yourself and be happy with who you are? I also had trouble with my parents, so I left. I got an amazing job I never though I could land (I think I was so desperate to be independent I made it happen) and now i'm very happy. My relationship with my parents improved dramatically, they finally respected my decisions and admired what I did. But it only happened because I stopped playing into their wants and started doing what I wanted instead. So don't be afraid to follow your heart into the dark... resilient hearts find ways to survive.",0.993,positive,proud 96,depressed,I'm not good enough,speaker,3,"Thank you, the only problem I'm having is getting out. But I'm takin the first chance I get to get out. I know it will be better when I leave them. Thank you sweetie.",0.926,positive,faithful 96,depressed,I'm not good enough,speaker,4,"Yeah you are exactly right. I know I have to get out. But being in probably the worst and the one of the most expensive spots in California with no money is hard. A studio is 1200+ a month and all my friends here have pretty much backstabbed me. Which is why I'm finding this such a tough situation to get out of. Talking to my parents will be difficult , my dad has nearly violent anger issues, And mom has built a wall of 'I don't care' around her. They are a poisonous couple. But I will try to get through to them. Thank you for your advice! ",-0.9717,negative,agreeing 97,depressed,I honestly have no clue how to help myself.,speaker,1,"I go through a constant battle with myself. The voice in my head is stronger than ever, constantly telling me that I am a worthless fuck up. My anxiety is so bad that I don't get excited anymore. I just get a nervous breakdown. Feels like I'm constantly pushing my boyfriend away because I don't know how to fix myself or tell him how to help me. I just want someone here, someone to hear me out. I feel so alone, and the more I'm surrounded by people, the more I think they don't want me around.",-0.9075,negative,lonely 97,depressed,I honestly have no clue how to help myself.,listener_1,2,"It's almost funny how I feel the exact same way right now. Literally nothing is going well in my life and I feel like I'm on a downward spiral to loosing everything. I'm here if you feel like venting or doing whatever you need to do, im sorry you feel this way too nobody should have to go through this",0.6697,positive,sympathizing 97,depressed,I honestly have no clue how to help myself.,speaker,3,"I've had the thought about drinking when I feel shitty, but I resist it. I vape to sooth my constant need to smoke.",-0.3182,negative,guilty 98,depressed,Her {Long},speaker,1,"We don't talk much. I mean, we do talk. And by talk i mean text. I'd never work up the courage to just walk up and talk to her, so i text her. She cuts, i don't. I try to help her, and it doesn't seem to do much. I have my own problems. I never do well in school. Im even amazed I'm in Grade 12, but like hell if i graduate. Im just lazy. After I'm done texting her, i let the texts sit on my phone and when i cant get to sleep, i read them. They aren't happy texts, they make me feel bad and keep my up. And when i read them, i hear her voice and my voice talking in my head. Im not thinking about it, the voices just happen. I hear her sad voice behind a fake smile. I just want to hold her and keep her there. I don' want her to cut, i don't want her to feel sad. I want her to be with me and keep her happy. I just want to see her smile and kiss her all day. Yea, like fuck thats gonna happen. One of my wild fantasies: I'd get off the bus one shitty school day and walk my miserable ass home. By myself, without my little brother. Earbuds in, music up, world out. Headbang my way home till i have to get back to reality, my normal commute. I'd open the door, but the alarm, wouldn't go off. I'd walk in and see someone laying on my couch. I'd disregard the person on my couch, thinking its my mom, and go to my room to get changed. After all of that, id come out and glance at the couch only to realize its not my mom. It's her. She's wearing sweatpants, some large t-shirt to where it fits her like a small dress and hair not tied up in a ponytail, all flowing behind her. I'd stand there and ask her how she got into my house. She'd tell me to not worry and come lay with her on couch. As i approach the couch, she grabs me by the shirt and pulls me in. Im on her but we'er not kissing, we'er just teasing it, smiling and feeling the tension as we do. When she cant take it anymore, she pulls me in all the way and we make out. We don't fuck, we just make out for a while, smiling while we do. Parents dont come home, bother's not there, its just us. We cuddle, watch Nexflix, Play Video Games and just hold each other, knowing i wont let anything bad happen to her. Then I snap out of my zoning out for like 1 hour, notice iv'e been up the whole night and repeat the cycle. Yea, Fuck My Life I love Her.",-0.9165,negative,ashamed 98,depressed,Her {Long},listener_1,2,"You know, i can totally relate to this feeling, had it myself often enough. Just let me tell you one thing from my own experience: you have to put more emphasis on yourself. You can't help no one if you are breaking apart yourself by doing so. Get all your courage, talk to her, tell her that you love her. Maybe she also loves you, maybe she doesn't, but at least you have gotten rid of all uncertainty. If you discover that she does not love you, forget her. I know, its the hardest thing possible to ask from someone, but in the end, you will do yourself no favor if your running laughing into a black abyss of desperation just because of her. Ask you this one question: Is she really worth it that you destroy yourself? I hope not. I know, it sounds incredibly dumb and unhelpful, but you seem to be young, and there are lots of other girls. Are you really sure that she is the very best which will come your way ever in your life? If so, you have no choice but to see a therapist, because you can't snap out of it alone anymore. Trust me, i know what i am talking about.",0.622,positive,agreeing 98,depressed,Her {Long},speaker,3,"I do but emphasis on myself. It's not like im trying to help every person with this sort of problem, just her. As for the question, i don't know if she is the one. I'm not saying this in a doubtful way, im saying that in a legit ""i have no clue"" way. Also, i am seeing a therapist, but i personally don't think that's helping. ",-0.8843,negative,apprehensive 98,depressed,Her {Long},listener_1,4,"What is your exact problem then? What is it really, that disturbs or hurts you most? If you suddenly got magical powers, what would you change?",-0.8597,negative,questioning 98,depressed,Her {Long},speaker,5,"Nothing serious i believe. I mean, if i could change something, it would be the ability to not be lonely all the time.",0.5621,positive,neutral 99,depressed,Do You Might Think You Can Help?,speaker,1,"I recently have this dying feeling to seriously want to start cutting myself again! ""And No!! I'm Not Making Shit, Please"" But in my back history I have started cutting myself since I was in the beginning of my middle school year thru out my Junior year in high school. It's be a year and a few months now since I stop, I already have this feeling to give up on everything cause of stress recently within my life. That I have this feeling that I'm already dead inside, so cutting is makes me feel something. I would talk to my bf, but even if it's almost a year of our relationship. I still keep things away from him cause I dont what to bother hin or anyone I know about my feelings and stuff. I just want this feeling to completely go away, do you have any idea what I can do to not feel this way? I have none, thanks!",-0.927,negative,apprehensive 99,depressed,Do You Might Think You Can Help?,listener_1,2,"I am not a clinician and this is just spitballing, but if you have a desire to feel physical discomfort to validate that you are alive...try stretching. Go online and find a good chart of stretching examples and do all of them. If you're not used to it, it can cause burning sensations in your muscles and tendons without causing physical harm (as long as you do them as instructed and don't over extend/exert yourself) and the movement of limp hand release of hormones will make you literally have ""alive"" feelings. Also, talk to some one about your feelings. Don't be ashamed that you are depressed. We all feel it sometimes (or often times) and unburdening yourself of these thoughts onto a trusted confidant really does help in the long run. ",0.9786,positive,apprehensive 99,depressed,Do You Might Think You Can Help?,speaker,3,"Yeah, okay. I see what you mean. But this whole talking to other people about this is really really hard to do, because I dont want just anyone thinking I need help.",0.4234,positive,agreeing 99,depressed,Do You Might Think You Can Help?,listener_2,4,"Yes, don't tell everyone. Don't tell your thoughts to people you consider as acquaintances. First you have to build off of those who are closest to you. >I don't want just anyone thinking I need help But don't let that thought control you, you want help, be conscious of that. I sort of think as depression as an entity who enters my life during times that I am stressed out the most. I sort of tell myself that depression is what is telling me not to tell everyone about my thoughts. But I kick that out the window so I can get the help I want. ",-0.5589999999999999,negative,apprehensive 100,depressed,No One Cares. My realization throughout life.,speaker,1,"No one cares. Strangers don't care. I recently put up a fundraiser on a popular crowdfunding website. Actually, two crowdfunding websites. It's a relatively low amount and I was offering legit services in return for donations. The services I was offering were worth more than the donations. I need the money for education. No one cares. $0 day 1, $0 day 10, $0 day 20. Why do I even try? I give to the community, join the lifesaving service, volunteer feeding the homeless, enter fucking burning buildings, help grandma get off the floor because she had a heart attack on the toilet. What do I have to show for it? A medal? nope I haven't even gotten a medal. I work fucking minimum wage, on my off days I do all this volunteering bullshit and all I have to show for it is fucking chemical burns on my hand (which healed by the way so it looks normal) and puke from patients on emergency scenes. Fuck it, if my community is not helping me I am no longer helping it. Good fucking luck grandma. ... .... ... *sigh* I'm not really quitting the fire department because.. I care.",-0.5734,negative,ashamed 100,depressed,No One Cares. My realization throughout life.,listener_1,2,"Sorry you are having a hard day brother. Some times I feel we just need some one to notice us. For me it helps me stay connected to the world around me. Other wise I start to feel like I'm playing some computer game that I'm really just not understanding. I can't tell you how to pay for school, I'm struggling to get my (one day to be) wife finished with her degree and I'm in my early 30's shes late 20's. I work for $8.50 an hour in my daily job that I have 10years exp. in. In fact wasted the good years of my life when I should have been starting and building a career in this job because there were no more careers due to rescission. I say this to let you know you aren't alone and you will get were you are going. For me once I was able to stop thinking of and dwelling on things that I couldn't control and accepted that my life isn't and isn't going to be what I had envisioned as my life started looking up. I still have my ""shitty"" (I say it like that because though I do not enjoy the job the people are good and its been a pretty stable job though all these very hard years) but I'm trying to start a company on the side were I can work for myself and make a better living for myself and family. All that being said if you want to chat ... on this account or a non throw away (or anyone reading this that needs to chat) please feel free to pm me. If I'm able I'm glad to listen and help. Now one other thing because you do say you work on the fire dept. and you are trying to go to school. I know in my town there is a guy on the fire dept. that has his own fire extinguisher service company. At least in my area all fire extinguishers are to be ""serviced"" once a year to make sure they are good to go if needed. From my understanding the overhead to ""service"" these things is almost nothing. And most people will be willing to give you the biz. if you are certified to do the job, are known for being of service to the community and or trying to do what YOU can to go though school. I'm not saying its all easy to do, but it is worth looking into in you area. I hope you come back and check this ..",0.9795,positive,lonely 100,depressed,No One Cares. My realization throughout life.,speaker,3,Hey thanks for responding to my post. I will definitely look into the fire extinguisher servicing. That sounds really interesting. I wish you luck with your company. I decided I am going to ask for loans from my family members so I can go to school. I've been saving up from my job but it's hard. I will pm you.,0.6682,positive,wishing 101,depressed,Would anyone really care....,speaker,1,"Would anyone even notice if I were to die. I am completely worthless. My parents constantly tell me how horrible I am and ridicule me in front of others. My sister always tells me to kill myself, and I can't keep putting on this mask of happiness. It breaks me... tomorrow I am home alone and I'm gonna get into the pills and take as many as I can. Is this an efficient way of ending it. I don't want to be permanently disabled I just want to die....",-0.9566,negative,sad 101,depressed,Would anyone really care....,speaker,2,Well there is the answer to that...,0.2732,positive,agreeing 101,depressed,Would anyone really care....,listener_1,3,"Well hey, there are only 526 readers here, don't assume an answer based on getting no response after an hour or two :) I would care, because your self-worth isn't dependent on those people, and you haven't discovered that for yourself yet. It would be tragic if you were to make such a permanent decision based on the words and actions of the toxic people around you. There are more choices available to you than pretending to be happy and killing yourself. Give yourself a chance to discover what they are.",0.5859,positive,questioning 102,depressed,Worst month ever.,speaker,1,"It's no point in writing it out, even if im writing on a wall, here's a brief of this past month: - did a logo for client in February, had to chase her for almost 2 months just to get half pay - work at amusement park. got fired cause of cash handling violation (two till shortages, total of $26), making change without till rights (office told me they would restore them, and apparently didnt). - sent this email to management, no response: http://f.cl.ly/items/2E2W3Q3G1Z0V1K2o2z31/Well.pdf (tried to blank out names) - went to career job interview monday, woke up yesterday to rejection email. - umeployed, no career job since graduation from college in 2011. everyones moved on, i'm still stuck. i got fired. ... from a part time job. ...",-0.9571,negative,ashamed 102,depressed,Worst month ever.,listener_1,2,"Sounds like the job was total bull shit to begin with man. Sorry you seem to have hit a rough stretch, but try and look on the bright side of things when you can. ",0.4608,positive,acknowledging 102,depressed,Worst month ever.,speaker,3,It wasn't very satisfying. Busted my ass last year and only the females got promoted. So much for $8/h.,-0.5262,negative,jealous 103,depressed,I feel awful and I don't have anyone to talk to about it,speaker,1,"Hi...Is someone out there?...Im 14, in 8th grade, and an feeling a bit sad tonight. Im afraid that I might seem emo and sad for this but I have no other choice...I wake up with a huge emptiness in my heart. It's big, and it's wide, and It's bigger somedays than others. I go to bed with it and eat with it and do everything with this. My friend vorpral social emptiness never leaves me. Why do I have such a big sadness? I have no friends. I can't snatch any friends in real life or keep their attention. Im impulsive socially and uninteresting and pathetic all because I have asd. Im sure that no one likes me, and even if they do it isn't enough to take the time out of their days to talk to me and ask the little soul in this husk of a body how he feels. The only people who are interested in me are people who are just ad boring and uninteresting as i am; because i can only attract them. I try to talk to people that i think would make me feel goid about myself but they dont listen to me abd go on with their own agenda. I think that im like one of them and im too self aware to go away so i just side with them. It makes me sad when people poke fun at all the things that i like. I think i might be a furry or a brony or both and when simeone says that those things are gay i try to laugh along because i dint want to be an autistic faggot, but i am. And it makes me sad when people make fun of stuff i like. No one can be Intretested in me because I'm not interesting at all. Uou might be thinking to yourself that I'm an attention seeking fag and someone that doesn't deserve your help because I can't provide for myself and I don't take initiative to solve my problems, and you'd probably be right. Someone told me to fuck off because I couldn't get my problems straight and that made me sad. If you don't want to help me then that's fine, I can be sad. When I get really sad sometimes I go into my history teacher's room and cry. Peae help...I'm sorry if I'm attention seeking. Theres a genuine person under the tarp of my pathetic pleas and he needs help. talk to me...try to help me through my situation...I just don't want to be sad",-0.9924,negative,lonely 103,depressed,I feel awful and I don't have anyone to talk to about it,listener_1,2,"Hey man, you sound like a great kid. School can be a rough time for the people who don't conform to the norm, like I imagine you're not a massive sports fan? So what? You like what you like, regardless of illness it's what makes you you, and whilst school may be pretty shit right now, I guarantee when your class mates grow up a bit they'll see that you're a great kid. I didn't make my first proper friends until I left school and went to college (UK). So what if you're a brony and a furry (sorry not heard of that one), think of it like this all those guys on the wrestling team at school like to roll around on the floor together in spandex... now which one is worse :P. Just trying to say try not to worry so much about what others think, when you leave school, that's when you'll make real friends and if things do get too much, I'm sure there is one teacher/person at your school who would listen to you, a favorite teacher or someone? Even a family member, there will always be someone willing to listen to you even if you have to look a little. ",0.9855,positive,proud 103,depressed,I feel awful and I don't have anyone to talk to about it,speaker,3,I cannot tell you how much what you said means to me. You've inspired me and made my day. If there is anything I can do in return for you just let me know.,0.4939,positive,grateful 103,depressed,I feel awful and I don't have anyone to talk to about it,listener_1,4,"I'm glad you feel a bit better, knowing that there are people who do listen makes the world of difference sometimes. Just keep your chin up and remember it's your life to do with as you please, so do whatever makes you happy. Take it easy dude",0.93,positive,grateful 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",speaker,1,"1st things 1st, I'm ok with my life and its not swirling into a wormhole of sadness. I'm just having this huge sudden realization that we are in a constant circle of greed, gluttony, and wraith. As a species we are failing to unite, we hold or selves back in technology because we are afraid of change. We constantly wage war on one another for selfish and childish reasons. Everyone is always trying to be better than the man standing beside them and we are going to get no where like this. I yearn for a world of bliss, one with meaning, or one with something actually worthy of fighting over. I mean we have a whole universe in front of us and we seem to always blindside it and revert to fighting among our selves. It's getting to the point where nothing but these thoughts fill my mind as i walk the streets or think at night. I feel like was born in the wrong universe at the wrong time... Alone and with no one or nothing to relate to. Feels like i'm going insane, like i just want it to end. Every time i close my eyes and fall to sleep i hope that i do not awake in this world filled with fools. I mean the way that our structure is right now is pathetic... You can't even get any where in life if you dont play the game. The game is pretty much like this you are thrown into a world where unless you follow the steps that everyone follows (School, Work, Bills, Ext.). Then you will utterly be forced into a life of sadness and despair, But if you play the game then only the people sitting on top of the ladder are actually benefiting and having a somewhat good life. Those stuck at the bottom are pretty much stranded there due to the broken society that has been formed. I just wish i could go to a uninhabited island and start anew or create a world of my own. Other than that i have no hope for this planet or anything on it... I hate it, i feel like my true potential will never be unleashed and i'm just another pawn to this FUCKING STUPID chess game. P.S. - I know this may seem far fetched, but i just have no other way to get these thoughts off my chest without people wanting to put me on the 3rd floor.",-0.9786,negative,content 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",listener_1,2,I completely agree with everything you've said here. None of us chose to be thrown into this mix.,0.4201,positive,agreeing 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",speaker,3,"I just think about ""life"" before i was born, so much peace, yet filled with nothing, then thrown into this cruel world.",-0.1832,negative,nostalgic 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",listener_2,4,Wow. I feel less alone after reading this.. Thank you.,0.7156,positive,lonely 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",speaker,5,Did we just bond... i feel a slight bond or equality in understanding this matter. ,0.0323,neutral,agreeing 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",speaker,6,"Things could be worse, but things could be better... ",0.4215,positive,consoling 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",listener_3,7,"Haha, you bet. I couldn't agree more with you and am thankful that I'm not alone in this madhouse!",0.7665,positive,agreeing 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",listener_4,8,"The more you focus on happiness the less it will come to you.If you could optimism yourself into happiness nobody would be sad. There's a difference between rationally understanding that there is a bright side, and truly feeling happy about it. The presence of a bright side doesn't destroy the dark side.",0.9731,positive,hopeful 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",listener_3,9,It helps to know there are others out there who share your views. You're welcome. :),0.8689,positive,agreeing 104,depressed,"I hate life, not my life, just life in general.",speaker,10,"Beautifully worded, I feel that pain.",0.1027,positive,agreeing 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",speaker,1,"Hia, if it's relevant im 19 [20 ina few days] male in college [that explains most of this] I'll feel great one day and then randomly I'll just feel so down for no reason. There is no reason for me to feel down. Schools almost done, works going fine and my girl friend supports me when I don't feel alright. I'm just lost why I randomly feel down for no reason",0.4012,positive,sad 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",listener_1,2,"I used to get this all the time as a kid, I don't know why, doesn't happen so much anymore though, not really sure what to tell you other than you are not the only one that has this.",-0.2912,negative,neutral 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",speaker,3,"Thats what I feel, I know it's just a phase really/ its the end of the term so it's added worry. It's just a-lot more prevalent now.",-0.4877,negative,agreeing 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",speaker,4,"Sleep is always a priority for me, I wake up at 6 for school and get home from work at 8 so i sleep at 10 cause I shower and talk to my girlfriend on skype Blood sugar i've watched usually, I just have issues hydrating cause at work we can't have water on the floor [I work in a grocery store] so when I get a break all that I can grab is soda in the break room because if I wait in line to buy a water my 15 min break is gone because customers just cut infront of me and I can't say anything. Ill look at the EV",0.0598,positive,prepared 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",listener_2,5,"Sounds like you're doing the best you can to take care of yourself. Good luck, and let us know how it goes! You can message me if you need any support or advice or a vent. ",0.9571,positive,wishing 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",listener_1,6,"yeah, hope you feel better though, and like you said it's a phase and hopefully it will pass.",0.9042,positive,consoling 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",speaker,7,"Thank you, it really isnt ""depression"" because it's not like deathly draining, its just like for 2 hours I feel like a PoS, but my girlfriend says she'll cut my dick off if I talk like that and then she tells me why I'm not and it kick me out of it. She says she doesnt mind tell me every time, but I feel like it's draining her some what.",0.4995,positive,neutral 105,depressed,"Feeling kinda down, mood swings?",speaker,8,"O hello, my semester is done and I feel fine now actually. I'm afraid to take meds, my doctor is very pro cannabis and told me to...explore other methods of relaxation. I did that more and I was able to sleep better. Eat more meals and I felt much better. I'd sleep ona full stomach and would be able to think clearer and focus on one thing at a time. Thanks for randomly checking in on this.",0.9169,positive,grateful 106,depressed,More late night thoughts: i dont think i'm gonna ever make it in life,speaker,1,"I can't seem to accomplish the simplest of tasks. I'm desperately alone. I am stupid as hell, yet everyone tries to tell me I'm smart. I don't get it. I am failing basic algebra, and am beyond mediocre at everything else. I want to become an engineer but I feel like I'm not smart enough. Welp.",-0.7752,negative,embarrassed 106,depressed,More late night thoughts: i dont think i'm gonna ever make it in life,listener_1,2,"Not much worse than what most of us are thinking this late at night. The ""stupid as hell"" paradigm is not as realistic as one might think. Algebra is a fucking liability. Best to allow yourself to believe you're as smart as others think you are, as they're more objective, and they're probably right. ""I want to become"" can get in the way - why do you want it? What would it satisfy, deep within yourself? It may be what will most fulfill you, you know better than me. However that may be - have faith that you'll determine the path that's best for you to follow. Being alone, it can be a benefit, and knowing how to be alone will enable you to create stronger relationships in the future.",0.9694,positive,afraid 106,depressed,More late night thoughts: i dont think i'm gonna ever make it in life,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 106,depressed,More late night thoughts: i dont think i'm gonna ever make it in life,speaker,4,"Thanks,I'll surely give it a look",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 106,depressed,More late night thoughts: i dont think i'm gonna ever make it in life,speaker,5,Thank you so much. I think that if engineering never works out I'll become a mechanic. I love cars.,0.7717,positive,hopeful 107,depressed,Living is change...,speaker,1,Depression is not changing.,-0.5719,negative,sad 107,depressed,Living is change...,listener_1,2,This is helping me thank you,0.5719,positive,grateful 107,depressed,Living is change...,speaker,3,"Words are a small help, but I'm happy if it did something atleast.",0.7845,positive,neutral 108,depressed,I just fell terrible.,speaker,1,I have almost always felt like the second choice. I have only had one major girlfriend who thought i was special....and that only lasted for a year and a half. Its been so long since then...and every time i meet a girl i am either the second choice or i am not tall enough. My life has been getting better. I just got a car. I'm gonna get a raise at my job. But i'm 24 and i am trying to graduate college...but its hard. I don't have the money. That isn't why i'm depressed though. It seems like no girls just wanna be with me. I put myself out there but it just never works. I'm either too short...or i am the second choice. I hate it. I need someone to talk to about my feelings. My best friend is getting married and i am terrified. I don't know if i can get a date as a best man at his wedding...and the only girl i've actually dated will be at that wedding. I will feel like a disappointment and a failure. I just.....I just want someone who loved me like she used to. Its hard...but i am putting myself out there. I'm just never THAT person. ,0.9405,positive,faithful 108,depressed,I just fell terrible.,speaker,2,Sorry for the stream on conciousness...but i just needed to tell someone...anyone who is willing to read this. I had a bad night and was thinking way too much i feel like. I love my friends and family...but they all seem so successful while i am such a mess compared to them. I have no real job...just working at taco bell. No real love in my life. My friends don't know how i feel. But writing it all down and letting people know does help me.,0.7506,positive,lonely 109,depressed,Ranting.,speaker,1,"I'm in 9th grade, and i was getting ready to go to school. Due to my 2 fucking little sisters my wallet was displaced and i couldnt fucking find it. Eventually I got so mad because looking for the wallet made me an hour late to school and I couldnt take it anymore so i just threw it at the wall, full force. I had insurance on it but ill still have to pay 100$, my mom bought that phone for me and i feel really bad for breaking it. Obviously I lied by saying it fell off my desk. It just leads to more anger. How do i get the money to repair the phone? I know this sounds like a rich ass kid crying but I cant take it anymore, my nerves are constantly tested at school, in game(soccer and video games), and at home. I dont know how to vent all this anger. I'm fucking ugly, face is covered with acne, i dont know what to fucking do. I recently saved and spent 600$ (shit took me 2 years) to build my own computer, monitor and tower and everything. Dad goes apeshit because he doesnt like me playing cs go, normal fathers take it away or talk to me saying that they dont like it, but no he fucking smashes it with a fucking chair in front of everyone. what did i do to deserve all this shit. I know im lucky I have a home and food but this is unbearable. I will never kill myself or commit self harm. I dont fucking get why all this shit is happening to me. I try to be a nice brother and son and student. All my grades are 90+ and im nice to everyone but i constantly get treated like fucking shit. I only have 2 close friends that dont annoy me, the rest are annoying and anger me. i also play cs go, ive been friends with some fucking dumbasses that i do not know how ive been friends with. they treat me like a fucking toy, screaming at me when i know nothing better, blaming me for doing shit i didnt do. the gaming community im in is basically the same shit. 80% dumbasses and 20% close friends and nice people. I needed to vent this all out, thank you for reading. ",-0.9891,negative,furious 110,depressed,I feel guilty for being depressed,speaker,1,"I've been depressed for a long time and ive been to scared to tell anyone cause im scared if i tell my parents they'll just say something like ''you're not depressed you are just seeking attention''(even though ive haven't been seeking attention for years) and that then they'll just make fun of it after that, i would tell my friend but i don't have many so i don't really wanna lose em cause of this. i feel guilty for being depressed , as i know there people in poverty starving while im here being depressed being a sack of shit that as no motivation, i should be feeling happy while i have food in my fridge even thought my family doesnt earn that much money. i don't even know if im depressed as i have been feeling like this since i started high school since i been last for sports teams and for educational groups and never felt like i fit in, or is this just life being sad every day,well its not even sad its more of a weight that ruins your mood and you cant get off your shoulders that's always there and becomes heavier with every attempt of getting rid of it. i've always wanted to follow my dream but my dream is being a rapper which is very unlikely as there's so many people trying to be one and not succeeding, well i guess ill just stick to more realistic things. it just sucks.everything just sucks edit: some spelling mistakes ",-0.988,negative,guilty 111,depressed,"If you need a laugh, watch this video of a dog disobeying his owner at the beach.",speaker,1,http://youtu.be/t3NOYMzVC3s,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 111,depressed,"If you need a laugh, watch this video of a dog disobeying his owner at the beach.",listener_1,2,Truly appreciated.,0.7351,positive,grateful 111,depressed,"If you need a laugh, watch this video of a dog disobeying his owner at the beach.",speaker,3,:-),0.3182,positive,wishing 112,depressed,"Lost the girl of my life, I deserve this constant depression",speaker,1,My s/o has finally put the boot in and left me. For her own well being and I support it but there's a bit of history between us and she was there to get me through depression but I never followed through despite all her efforts and care and now she's understandably moved on as she is about to begin a career life and I am in no position to be with her. I developed such strong feelings for this girl as I pissed away our time and her efforts to get me out of it. She had to dump me and I understand but I still feel like we can make it work. At least I hope I do because it's the only hope keeping me together right now. I've been a shivering weeping wreck for the past 24 hours and i'm finally too tired to even think about it properly all I know is I love this girl and I hurt her so much but I tried to make her happy and now it's too late and I've lost her and I keep falling back in the same pattern and I fuck up every time I try to get out. I need to find ambition in life because it's something i'm lacking and she knows im going nowhere. I really didn't try but now I want to try as hard as possible for this girl and it might be too late. She made me feel whole again and she damn well led me on right before she dropped me but I guess i can't blame her. She did give me plenty of time and chances and I guess I just abused her comfort. I love the girl so much though and it's literally been hurting my chest all day. I've been having the worst attacks and the thoughts are so overbearring and negative like I feel I fucked up a good part of her life and I just hate myself even more for it.,-0.9819,negative,devastated 112,depressed,"Lost the girl of my life, I deserve this constant depression",listener_1,2,I'm sorry you're feeling so bad <3,-0.6476,negative,sympathizing 112,depressed,"Lost the girl of my life, I deserve this constant depression",listener_2,3,"Killing your self is never an option, it will be hard but that's part of life and with that you will find happiness at some point in your life so don't rob your self for that hard earned happiness. it will get better keep telling yourself that, because it will :)",0.9659,positive,consoling 113,depressed,Nothing seems to help,speaker,1,"I had to make a throwaway account for this because I just needed to put my thoughts out there is no one else I could tell... Well I have no true friends, and by that I mean if I'm not needed for my specific skills, no one cares to really talk to me or hangout. As hard as I try I can't seem to get away from them and get friends that support me and want to be around me. I work 2 jobs now and attend school in an attempt to fill all my time so I don't have to think about how miserable I feel. I enjoy my job, in a way at least though... I feel goid working because my mind is focused on the task and doesn't let me wander into depressed thoughts; however when I'm not at work I never want to go back. I have no idea what I want to do with my life either. And then my parents constantly remind me of my failures and how much I fuck up. I can never meet what they expect and it only makes me feel horrible. Any time we talk I end up crying and feeling like death. I've thought about suicide many times but I could never let myself go on to become just another statistic out there. The few things I do enjoy such as rock climbing is almost impossible to do with my schedule, and with the lack of friends and such (for those that don't know you need others to balley you to keep you from falling to your death, so other ppl around you are important). I always end up putting in a happy face when I'm out just because I don't want to bring others down, or alienate the few ppl I talk to by being that depressing guy. I've tried everything I can think of to try to fix my situation and non have helped. I have days where things look up but it quickly fades... I wouldn't say that I'm negative, I'm quote the contrary, I see the positive in most situations, but I can't help but be sad... I just don't know what to do anymore. I know I went off in every direction, just had to feel like I told someone my feelings...",-0.9327,negative,lonely 113,depressed,Nothing seems to help,listener_1,2,"I think seeing a therapist would help you a lot, especially since your parents seem to be a large cause of your depression. I'm sorry they make you feel that way :( A therapist could really help you learn to deal with them, though, and help you learn to deal with your feelings.",0.1263,positive,sympathizing 113,depressed,Nothing seems to help,speaker,3,"My parents have sent me to a few therapists in the past. They all would agree with things I say regarding my parents and would tell them what they could do to help, however that wasn't what they wanted to hear so off to the next I went. Currently not seeing one though. Just is an awful feeling being told you're beliefs, efforts, and opinions are all wrong or not enough...",-0.1027,negative,disappointed 113,depressed,Nothing seems to help,listener_1,4,"Do you live with your parents? If you're a minor, you might have enough evidence for an emancipation.",0.0,neutral,questioning 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,speaker,1,"Does anyone else ever feel like no one wants them? That's all I feel anymore. I'm getting so, so lonely and I have no one to help me fix it. Earlier today I tried to text this girl. She says I'm her best friend and that she's mine but it just doesn't seem like she cares either. Even though she's sworn she does and that she loves me, I just can't believe it. Anyways, she hasn't talked to me in about a week and so I tried texting her to maybe make the loneliness subside a bit. She barely responded and then stopped completely after like 3 minutes. No one talks to me at all and I just want to feel like I'm not always all alone. I mean, I feel like something is wrong with me. No one cares if I'm even alive at this point, and I'm starting to wonder why I am even trying anymore. I don't know, but after years of having no one I really am getting tired of all this isolation.",-0.7477,negative,lonely 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,listener_1,2,Please see a doctor. It isn't you. It's the hormones or some imbalance. Please. ,0.5574,positive,afraid 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,speaker,3,"Yeah, I've tried but they said I have to wait until they figure out another problem I'm having. Thank you for the concern though. Hopefully I get it fixed soon. :)",0.8338,positive,consoling 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,listener_1,4,See someone else. A good doctor would be working on the problem. Not making you wait. ,0.0516,positive,hopeful 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,listener_1,5,"In the meantime, join a gym. Get a Groupon discount and use it for an exercise class. Best support group you will find. And you will be able to meet new people and make new friends. And exercise is fabulous for making your body produce chemicals to make you feel better. ",0.9552,positive,faithful 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,speaker,6,"I'll try that. Thank you, I never thought of it.",0.3612,positive,wishing 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,listener_1,7,"Just don't give up. Go watch ""Eat, Pray, Love"" smile until you feel it.",0.8402,positive,faithful 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,speaker,8,"Yeah I'm only 18, I guess I've just been getting a bit disheartened because I haven't ever really had friends. I'll work on finding people with common interests in college I guess. Thank you so much for the advice and hopefully I create a friendship like yours. I guess I figured none of my current friendships would last but it would still have been nice to have a couple of good ones. But I guess soon they won't matter anyway. Thank you though.",0.9276,positive,encouraging 114,depressed,I just feel so alone,speaker,9,"Yeah I'm only 18, I guess I've just been getting a bit disheartened because I haven't ever really had friends. I'll work on finding people with common interests in college I guess. Thank you so much for the advice and hopefully I create a friendship like yours.",0.9334,positive,encouraging 115,depressed,I don't know what's wrong...,speaker,1,"I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, and was previously diagnosed with Bipolar and ADD. I have been taking medication for months and it was working, but for a while now I've felt the depression slowly crawling back, an unending void in the center of my chest. I have a great life, a loving girlfriend, friends, and family, but it doesn't seem to be enough. When I'm at home it gets worse. I'm sitting here on my bed, trying to be okay. I need help and am going to schedule an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. I just needed to let it out. Thank you, Reddit.",0.9246,positive,sad 115,depressed,I don't know what's wrong...,listener_1,2,"It's going to be okay, friend.",0.6249,positive,consoling 115,depressed,I don't know what's wrong...,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 115,depressed,I don't know what's wrong...,speaker,4,I was just calling today to set the appointment up. I haven't gone yet.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 116,depressed,Pills and a friend...,speaker,1,"I was low, stressed and had come back to my old bad habits. I felt down. I felt bad again. My friend/lover came to give me the keys of his and his fiancee's home, so i could feed their cat for the weekend. I was down. My home was a mess, but i wanted to be helpful, and had promised i'd be there for their cat. So i let him in. He hugged me so hard. He told me just the things that made me cry. That he cared. I cried. I snuggled tighter. And slowly i smiled. At some point, i realized that about one week before i began going down, i had forgotten one day of the pills. The antidepressants. What a bitch my brain is, right...? My friend knows how this can go. He hugged me some more, and we talked some more. Just before leaving, he made me laugh. I feel good today. The path is long. I hope someday i won't need the pills. I know i'll always be happy to have friends. And having one that cares, even if i didn't expect it, helps really much. I need to know my neighbours so they too can ask me to feed their cat or water their plants some times. :)",0.9874,positive,trusting 116,depressed,Pills and a friend...,listener_1,2,so happy to know you have a caring friend :) having a friend like that in life i think is something that really changes life may be he is all the help you need.,0.9674,positive,acknowledging 116,depressed,Pills and a friend...,speaker,3,"I'm pretty sure he is not all the help i need, but that's sweet he was there and then :) I love him, and i am very very happy i met him. He is also a very busy friend and i have no business relying on his help to get by. It was just a good time :) Details aside, i do need my medicine (to get by), the therapy (if i want to stabilize in time and get better), and to take care of myself. Building friendships with positive people is part of that. And having mental problems and difficulties doesn't mean it's impossible to be positive. Positive is more in the actions than the mood. Getting help is the first positive step when in dark thoughts. Hope and courage for you all, hold in there and my smiles are shared :)",0.9982,positive,neutral 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,speaker,1,"I just yesterday got home from Hawaii, after spending 2 weeks there. Today, we planned on having out. She came over, broke up with me, and then left. I loved her way to much, and she's now not responding to anything I send. Im having anxiety attacks, and I'm super depressed. Last summer I saw a psychiatrist because I attempted suicide due to family issues, and now I'm that same sort of state. Can anyone please talk to me? or just please give me something to laugh at, I feel like shit.",-0.0772,negative,lonely 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,listener_1,2,"Man, that's pretty heartless of her. I'm mostly surprised that you hadn't noticed such monstrous qualities in a person. Does she know of your history? If she does, then she is a monster, plain and simple. Or maybe your own story could use more detailing. Did she really not have a reason for dumping you?",-0.1926,negative,questioning 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,speaker,3,"Don't call her that :/ she's an amazing person, she's not a monster... But no, my story doesn't need any more ""detailing"" , what happened happened. I didn't do anything to provoke this.",-0.431,negative,neutral 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,speaker,4,"Dude, thank you. I've been in real shit place but your comment really helped. I mean it. Hehe, I can't wait to be a junior next year, all them freshmen girls ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) But you are correct when you say that I did indeed love her, and yeah we did have sex and that stuff. I know it'll get better with time, but it's just really tough as she was my first gf and so combine that with being my first love, first sexual partner, and first everything else, the pain REALLY starts to add up. I want to thank you for taking time out of your day to make a stranger feel better about himself, and I appreciate it deeply that you commented. Thank you, fellow redditor :) ",0.9854,positive,neutral 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,speaker,5,"Thank you. You made me feel a lot better about myself, I really needed this :/ Also the number of days I have left is a lot, I agree, but I did too much with her. You know what a promise ring is? It's a ring you give to your girlfriend when you promise to marry her someday, and spend your life with her. I gave her one. That's what really hurt me the most, is that we promised each other we would always be there. And now she just up and walks out the door. But thank you for taking time out of our day to make a stranger feel better. It really helped my mood, and I thank you again :)",0.9639,positive,guilty 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,listener_2,6,"Hey not a problem there buddy. Yeah, trust me when I say that your first longterm GF wont be your last, but it definitely will hurt the most. Just focus on you for now, and youll be laughing at the thought of her in the next few weeks. If youre still feeling down, at any point, again dont be afraid to sauce me an inbox.",0.8115,positive,agreeing 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,listener_3,7,"High school is a strange place. We all make lots of promises to people we think will never leave. Hell I remember the nights where my posse of friends would sit around laughing with each other around the campfire playing guitar in the backyard. I thought those nights would never end. But they did. I dwelt on it for a while and let myself get in the gutter for a while. Then I realized that every generation before mine and every generation after mine has and will go through the same thing. People grow apart and trying to hold onto those withering roots is a fruitless endeavor. But that doesn't mean the fruit from those times was worthless. I will remember those people not because I lost them, but because I had good times with them. I grew stronger because of them and I am finding new people to grow stronger still with. You too, in time, will see this relationship as a good thing, but not the best that will ever happen to you. This much I know is true. Edit: By the way PM if you want to talk to somebody. I'm here to help.",0.9705,positive,nostalgic 117,depressed,My girlfriend (16) just broke up with me (15) for no reason after dating for 1 year and 6 months. I am not in a good place.,speaker,8,Dude it was a joke man :/ I'm trying to cheer myself up here...,0.4767,positive,neutral 118,depressed,For anyone that just wants to talk,speaker,1,"Like most people here I'm quite depressed, it's not so bad that I need medicine yet, or at least I think; I haven't been medically diagnosed with depression but I can feel it. I find it hard to feel to get up in the mornings and most times I have the chance to do something, I don't. I have friends and family that really care for me but for some reason it doesn't feel like it, regardless of how many people are close to me I just feel alone and usually the more people, the more alone I feel. I know there's probably a few people here who also feel lonely and if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me, I'd be happy to listen and maybe we could go through our problems together. ",-0.17800000000000002,negative,sad 118,depressed,For anyone that just wants to talk,listener_1,2,"Hello there :) , i think that most family and friends dont understand how it is to battle depression, i have repeatedly heard people either telling me get over it or go get a psychiatrist, its one of the two, but the ones that tell it like walk it off hurt so much, its like hey you have a broken arm no problem walk it off",0.0166,neutral,neutral 118,depressed,For anyone that just wants to talk,speaker,3,"Hey! :) yeah, I know the feeling, everyone just thinks its like a small cut that'll heal by itself if you give it a little time, but the more you leave it or try to forget it hurts more. Oh well, at least there are other people who will try to help, if not, I'm here :) ",-0.2644,negative,agreeing 118,depressed,For anyone that just wants to talk,listener_1,4,there is only so much that time can heal,0.0,neutral,consoling 119,depressed,"16 year old,having moments of deep wishing that I'd just die,no matter what I do I keep coming back to those thoughts.",speaker,1,Title say it all.,0.0,neutral,neutral 119,depressed,"16 year old,having moments of deep wishing that I'd just die,no matter what I do I keep coming back to those thoughts.",listener_1,2,"Tell someone. A friend, a teacher, a parent. Don't think you have to go through it alone. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,lonely 119,depressed,"16 year old,having moments of deep wishing that I'd just die,no matter what I do I keep coming back to those thoughts.",speaker,3,"I tell my grandmother ocaisonally by just saying ""I'd rather just shoot myself and not deal with it anymore"" but I doubt she takes it as seriously as I mean it.",-0.6486,negative,embarrassed 119,depressed,"16 year old,having moments of deep wishing that I'd just die,no matter what I do I keep coming back to those thoughts.",listener_1,4,"Tell her you are depressed and have considered suicide. It's like making a doctor's appointment. You don't just say you don't feel good. Don't give up. Make someone listen. Or, hell, I'm listening. Msg me and we can chat. (Not creepy stalker person, promise.)",-0.9002,negative,trusting 120,depressed,I'm at my limit and am just ready to curl up and die.,speaker,1,"I feel like I’ve gone completely off the edge; I have no control over my moods anymore. I’m very depressed yet I’m filled with energy. I don’t care if I hurt myself or anyone else. I don’t care about my job anymore I don’t care about school. No one gives a shit about me. I could just leave right now and no one would even worry about looking for me. I can’t do anything right, no matter how hard I try I always fuck up. It’d be better if I weren’t around because all I can seem to do is fuck everything up. I’ve attempted suicide once and no one gave a shit. They all thought it would be funny to just make fun of me for it. No one cares about showing me some compassion. I’m completely alone. Every friend I have has either stopped talking to me or barely says anything to me. Every conversation is awkward now. I can barely make eye contact and have genuine conversations with people I’ve known most of my life. On top of all this I found out I might have HPV. Hooray! As if I didn’t have enough reasons to deter people away from me I’ve just found another to strengthen the ever-growing list. Time to go binge on some more alcohol so I can bare to take the rest of the day.",-0.8926,negative,trusting 120,depressed,I'm at my limit and am just ready to curl up and die.,listener_1,2,"It's good to vent, but also find a doctor to talk to. And remember, with depression, your views of how people around you are acting are skewed. Talk to a family member and let them know what is going on. ",-0.6249,negative,trusting 120,depressed,I'm at my limit and am just ready to curl up and die.,listener_2,3,"I agree with the running advice, put your headphone on and just go a run/jog. Even if for a few minutes, it def helps. ",0.6249,positive,agreeing 121,depressed,"A song i wrote, not quite sure if it's done, but it has a lot of meaning behind it on how i see this world.",speaker,1,"(Title: Blindsided) (Style: Heavy Metal/Dubstep) (Forgive my grammar) You think i'm joking? I'm already dead so i'm not afraid of dying. I could fall from the world tallest height and pretend i'm flying, Tired of trying. Withered like a peach left in the sun forever drying. Grab a rope slip it into a loop and start tying. I've lived most of this life moping and sighing. This feeling like there's no need to keep supplying... When there is always someone to lying, spying, or prying to manipulate and judge every move you make. I don't know how much more i can take, When more than half this world plays as a fake. The population continues to destroy this world like there is nothing at stake. I wish they would all awake or go drown in a lake, because im tired of this ache. If there is a God i see why he would forsake us, but for fucks sake why wouldn't he just break us and remake us? Instead of watching us all fuss and fester like and infection filled with pus. If there is any other species out there i'm sure they would look at humans with disgust. Probably watch and wait to witness our planet just encrust and combust. No matter how you look at it, this world is unjust. Even those who are robust eventually get filled with lust, rust, and hollow out to dust. The ones you trust will end up committing a evil deed. That feeling will feed on them and soon feel like a need, when really it's a twisted flourishing seed of greed. Overcoming them like a stampede taking with them my hope for humanity, indeed. They become unable to diverge from this path. Being consumed by Wrath soon to start a warpath and to be followed by a bloodbath. Slowly becoming a psychopath and doing so with pride. If you don't join their side, you best run and hide, because they will toss you aside, tie you in wire and admire how you squirm in a gasoline fire. A beast transmuting inside them, becoming as ruthless as a starving tiger. Filled with a sense of desire. Unable to gain satisfaction for anything they acquire. This cruel place is filled with deceit. Inside every human with a heartbeat there seems to be a sense to compete. Instead of uniting under one pure righteous concrete elite. Due to how we mistreat we will all fall to our own DEFEAT. I wish there was a place i could retreat and hit DELETE. If looked at from the third person we would be considered OBSOLETE. I speak these words with indiscreet in hope that we can end this cycle of REPEAT. Thought? Ideas? ",-0.8390000000000001,negative,terrified 121,depressed,"A song i wrote, not quite sure if it's done, but it has a lot of meaning behind it on how i see this world.",speaker,2,"I tried to have each line separate, but reddit just wasn't agreeing with me",-0.3724,negative,annoyed 121,depressed,"A song i wrote, not quite sure if it's done, but it has a lot of meaning behind it on how i see this world.",listener_1,3,"Add four spaces to the end of each line and it will format as a poem/song lyrics, with each line separate. ",0.0,neutral,neutral 121,depressed,"A song i wrote, not quite sure if it's done, but it has a lot of meaning behind it on how i see this world.",speaker,4, Thank you! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 122,depressed,How does one deal with the fact they are gonna die?,speaker,1,"I am 15 years of age and lately this has been troubling me more than I desire it to. It has been giving me anxiety attacks and I just want it to stop. I feel as though I cannot consult this issue with any of my friends, so I decided to post it here. I am well aware I have my whole life ahead of me, and I am attempting to make each day worth it - but it is hard to do when you're a lonely shut-in with only online friends. I have no clue why I am afraid of dieing so much. It is the same as not being born yet. You don't feel anything. You're simply not alive. It's just the fact that when I die, it's game over. That's it. Never to feel happy, sad, or angry ever again. All your relationships, hard work, and effort is over. Before you were born you had everything to gain, but when you die you'll have nothing to lose. I'll just go back to what I was before I was born. Absolutely nothing. That fact is what scares me, I believe. The fact that when my time is up there are no do-overs. My life is done and there is no stopping it. As much as I would like to be ignorant and pretend that there is a Heaven, I simply cannot. And the fact that I will never be able to be alive again sucks. I sleep most of my life away, and sleep is the closest we can get to death. I am afraid of going to sleep and never again waking up. I want to be alive for a very long time and spend an eternity with the amazing friends and people I have met. I want to spend as much time with them as possible. Lonely people like me are very clingy. The fact that this is my only life sucks. And, most of all, the fact that my life feels as though it is passing me by sucks. It is often debated by philosophers what the purpose of life is, but my depressing personality believes that the purpose of life is to die and then never again feel anything for the rest of the existence of humanity. After you and all your friends die, there will be nobody to even remember you. We are worthless and useless and I want somebody to help me. I want to stop the anxiety attacks and be content with death. In the end, you gotta be honest, we are all just standing around waiting to fade away. We are just doing things we deem useful to pass the time until we die and become nothing. Until we die and never even wake up ever again. ",-0.991,negative,lonely 122,depressed,How does one deal with the fact they are gonna die?,listener_1,2,"Hi there, you sound very stressed out and I know how that feels. Personally I believe in an afterlife but sometimes have doubts of it. To tell you the truth when I doubt the existence of heaven I am not worried as if the afterlife is not real then it will be exactly the same as pre-birth, not the slightest bit of pain, sadness or anything bad at all. I would recommend focusing your time on relaxing things as it will help to suppress the negative emotions. Some steps I recommend are talking with family members, therapy (only of you feel you need it) as it can be very effective, it had been with me, and I'd look into religion if I were you just to see if you feel it has support but if you feel it's not for you then that's fine. I hope you find comfort in my reply and you will be in my thoughts. I will be willing to talk any time on here :)",0.9614,positive,acknowledging 123,depressed,im quickly spiraling back,speaker,1,I just need a friend. I'm lost and don't know what to feel. I've been thinking about buying a gun. ,-0.128,negative,lonely 123,depressed,im quickly spiraling back,listener_1,2,Shoot me a message and we can talk. ,-0.34,negative,suggesting 123,depressed,im quickly spiraling back,speaker,3,What's up,0.0,neutral,questioning 123,depressed,im quickly spiraling back,speaker,4,Hey. Sorry that it's late. ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 124,depressed,Im in a weird spot.,speaker,1,"Im in a weird spot. - Im not really depressed, although i am a little sad these days, but I'm also not in an ""OK mood"". - As of now, I'm lying in bed not doin.. well, I'm actually typing this now, so I'm not doing nothing. I just cant sleep. i THOUGH i was, but well, guess my scumbag body tricked me otherwise. I think part of the problem is that I watch 1-2 episodes of whatever I'm currently watching on Netflix (Orange is the New Black) then think that would put me to sleep. - Then when I'm done with that, I usually get a crap in my foot, like clockwork, so i get out of bed and stand up for a few. - Then when I get back on my bed, I just start thinking of shit. Like how that suicidal girl i kindda liked is doing, but then i decide that she can just fucking die for all i care. Then i think about that really hyper cute asian girl that was n my Com-Tech class, how cute she is and how I'd LOVE to cuddle with her right now. - Then school. Im in summer school. Why? Because all fucking English teachers are either **1.** Assholes or **2.** Every English teacher iv'e ever had has some kind of secret fucking vendetta against me. - Then after that, thats it. I just sit in silence, waiting to tell my parents the joys of how I couldn't sleep at all last night and then i have to think about how I'm going to keep myself up to get though a school day. Caffeine maybe? - End of the day, I'm just some lonely guy trying to get though a university level english course in the summer. ",-0.9144,negative,sad 124,depressed,Im in a weird spot.,listener_1,2,"I feel you. I know you posted this a few days ago, but that's how I feel this minute. I try and tell myself that I'll feel better in the morning of course but I just can't shake the feelings I felt today. Nothing crazy happened or anything. It was my 20th birthday. Turns out my gift from my parents came defective so that blows. But now I just feel like I'm ranting. Thought I would just respond since I read your post. ",0.8868,positive,sad 124,depressed,Im in a weird spot.,speaker,3,Well thanks for the response regardless. :),0.7906,positive,acknowledging 125,depressed,My life sucks.,speaker,1,"I hate my life and I wish I could change it but I can't. I would like friends and a girlfriend but I don't leave the house. I have people saying that I am handsome and not bad looking on the internet but I think they are just saying that for whatever reason. Maybe it is to make me feel better but I don't really believe it.I think I am fat and ugly. I know I am a good person with a huge heart and funny but I think sometimes I tend to annoy people and they would run off. I just hate life cause I want a girlfriend really bad and I don't know what to do or go to make it happen. I have really bad social anxiety and unless a girl walks up to me and asks me out it wont ever happen and if I happen to go to the store which is rare and when I am asked to go I gripe about it as I just don't like going. I just don't like people are staring and making fun of me as I am fat and I think I am ugly. I am told by some people that my personality is good but I don't think it is but sometimes I do. My memory is not that great as I forget things that I talk about with someone and sometimes it just feels like my brain is scattered or something. I am trying to lose weight with the workout Insanity but I have since stopped. I don't really see the point in working out since I am not losing that much weight to begin with. I feel good and since I don't know how to cook I cannot eat healthy as I depend on my mom to cook my meals. People also tell me to get out of the house but where do I go. I just feel like when I do go it feel strange and it feels like I am on display like some circus freak. I mean even if I do go out I won't ever be able to approach someone even for a friend. I am really really shy person and I also think why bother since nobody is going to like me anyways. I am a negative person and really wish I could change that. Like I said earlier about working out I think there is no point to it as I am not active and I don't know what else to do active. I am so depressed and stuff I just don't have the energy or whatever to go anywhere. I also don't know if it is worth working out is because I think why bother cause my life is going to suck for the next 30 years or so so why workout and lengthen my miserable existence. I know that there is no way that a girl will want to be with me as I have no money, car, job, friend,house and I have never had a women interested in me. I mean if I was a girl I would not be interested in me cause I think I am a disgusting fat guy at 33 years old and I think it is too late for me to change. Nobody just brushes this all off and goes out making friends and girlfriends out of the blue. I think it is a total waste of time for me to make friends and try to find a girlfriend as I don't think anyone would want to be around me. I mean I think if I was a positive person and if I lose some weight and with confidence people would probably flock to me but the negative side in me always wins. When I say something positive in my head something negative in my brain would say no your wrong or something like that. I weigh around 300 lbs at 6 ft and I feel like a failure and a loser. I have pretty much waved the white flag at life and I am just pretty much waiting to die as I am to scared to do it myself and I am too scared to die and apparently I am to afraid to live as well and it really sucks in knowing there is nothing I can do about it.",-0.9863,negative,ashamed 125,depressed,My life sucks.,listener_1,2,"I know exactly how you feel. Honestly, just don't ever give up and I'm sure your personality is great! Life will be amazing and one day you will have a happy wife with handsome and beautiful children like you. If you want to talk, just send me a message. I'll gladly listen to you.",0.9826,positive,agreeing 125,depressed,My life sucks.,speaker,3,thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 126,depressed,Quitting Facebook,speaker,1,"My Facebook page has recently become a war zone, everyone is sharing news stories, their opinions on political debates and events, arguing with everyone else who disagrees, and sharing distributing pictures. Gaza, Ukraine, fallen air planes, kidnapped children, executions that take 2 hours.. Checking Facebook has now become a sure way of losing any friends you got to make in a non virtual world. I've decided to quit, no more FB, instead I'll get back to reading, books can be your best friend when everything around you is burning down. Any one else had this experience?",0.4404,positive,devastated 126,depressed,Quitting Facebook,listener_1,2,"Good luck brother, I wish you the best if you need to chat feel free to pm me. :)",0.959,positive,wishing 126,depressed,Quitting Facebook,speaker,3,"Thank you very much for your message, I really appreciate it :-)",0.7939,positive,sympathizing 126,depressed,Quitting Facebook,speaker,4,"Hey, you hit the nail on the head! Yes, suddenly your self esteem starts being dependant on how many 'likes'your post got, but regardless how many you got yesterday you need more today, it's like a drug in my opinion. And yes it got very very lonely, it seemed to me everyone was trying to show off how happy they were or how interesting their lives were, so those who weren't fighting political wind mills, were bombarding their accounts with selfies doing this or that, so I found myself slowly being drawn into this cycle too and pouncing on every chance to take a photo of something interesting, then suddenly I decided to pull the breaks, I'm happy with my life and I don't need to prove it to anyone nor do I need anyone's onion. I haven't got the courage to pull the plug on FB just yet because I have a very small number of people on there who are positive, plus curiosity compels me just to take a quick look to see what's the latest buzz, but I've severely cut down and I'm already feeling so much better, honestly I can't believe how emotionally draining this thing is. I found something better if anyone's interested to know: spending real time with those real friends left in the real world, you can also sign up to a pen pal site where you can exchange emails or letters with people who you don't really care if they think you're cool or not. Just be yourself, and that is the most liberating experience anyone can have!",0.9931,positive,lonely 126,depressed,Quitting Facebook,speaker,5,"Filtering, that's a good idea, i never really wanted to close my account, i just felt it was best to limit it to maybe 3 times a week and find other social outlets so as not to get too hooked on it.",0.7964,positive,suggesting 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,speaker,1,"I am a simple girl with simple needs. Scratch that, I'm actually very needy and I crave attention at times, if I'm being totally honest about myself. I'm very flawed and I'm not perfect, physically, or mentally. I go about life usually in a happy manner, mainly around peers and family. I'm not a happy person, though. I would go so far as to say most young women are in this same boat with me. Happy around everyone else, depressed when you're alone. I have a friend, let's call him Mike. The first time I met him three years ago, I hated his guts. This was because he reminded me of all the horrible things I was at the time, because he was the exact opposite. He was (and still is) one of the best people I've ever met. Needless to say, he changed me. He talked me out of suicide, he helped me overcome my largest life issues with no trouble at all. After that he and I became inseparable friends. Our friendship became a wonderful blend of nerdy girl and nerdy guy, and intelligent guy and eager to learn girl. We made the perfect team, working together to accomplish anything. Classmates refused to let us be a team because when we did, no one beat us. At anything. Ever. He and I ruled everything we did and we were happy. As friends. We talked to each other about love, and it never seemed an issue. This continued for three years. Two years ago, I realized I loved that man. I loved him ... Not like a brother. Not like a dear friend. No I loved him more than I loved myself. More than I loved anything on this Earth... And I told no one. I don't trust people, he is literally the only person I trust other than my parents and siblings. People lie, cheat, steal, and fake it until they make it. Everyone except him, that is. So who was I supposed to tell? Right... No one. I kept it inside for two years... And until now no one knew. I refused to let my feelings shine through. And although most people thought we were dating because of how often we were together, we never even brought it up. If love could be put in to words, I would venture to say I love him more than those words could describe. He changed my world, and I never want to let him go. I can feel him starting to pull away from me as we age, and it hurts me to the point of physical discomfort and pain. Because I don't want him to leave me. I rely on him. I crave him. I want him to hold me... And it will never happen. We were so happy and I wish I never realized I loved Mike... Because love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there. I guess I'm telling this to you internet lovers because I have no one else to tell. I had to release my pain somehow. Please feel free to leave any sort of advice you have... I need your help internet. Help me get through this... I can't love him forever. I have to move on, I just. Can't. ",0.9855,positive,content 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,listener_1,2,What is so depressed about this? How old are you anyway? Are you in highschool or university? ,-0.6986,negative,questioning 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,speaker,3,"I suppose this post was less ABOUT my depression, and moreso about WHY I'm depressed, if that makes any sense at all. And I am in high school. ",-0.7741,negative,sad 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,listener_2,4,"Well, actually I wouldn't define this as depression. You're in love, certainly, but clinical depression is a different thing. Do you have suicidal thoughts? Have you or did you think of harming yourself in any way? These are actual indications of depression. Probably /r/OffMyChest would be the place for you. Don't take this in an offensive manner, I'm saying this because I see that you may not be in a really bad condition, mentally speaking, even though I CAN see some indicators that can be... disturbing. By the way, have you told him about it? Is he dating someone else at this time? And my advice: 1) Tell him, if you haven't told him already. Very important. If it ruins the relationship, then the relationship wasn't worth your trouble anyway. I know the thought makes your heart sink, but you absolutely have to take your chances. 2) (A hard one) you need to start treating those around you with a mix of tolerance and indifference. As if you're not expecting anything more than what they appear to be. As a person that understands what you're saying (to a great extent), this is one piece of advice I can give. You MIGHT find some people that you've judged harshly every now and then, but I don't believe this will be the rule or that you should hope for this to happen. Indifference-Tolerance. This is the recipe. Best wishes. EDIT: Just read your last comment. I still think you should be clear about it and either set boundaries with him (when you talk to him about it) or proceed to whatever will come. ",-0.8681,negative,surprised 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,speaker,5,"I would tell him but it would ruin the relationship immediately, as well as several other friendships around us. And it's silly but I actually brought that up once and, being the king of logic that he is, he said how silly it was, and that it would never actually happen. He said it would be setting ourselves up for failure. ",-0.6486,negative,surprised 127,depressed,Love doesn't hurt until you realize it's there.,listener_3,6,"All I can say then, is that you have to move on. Find someone else. Start dating. ",0.0,neutral,sad 128,depressed,Why do I feel like everything is just horrible?,speaker,1,"Everyday I feel like I have to force myself to go through life. I feel like everything in my life is just awful and I've tried so many things to try and pick myself up, but nothing works. I know there are people in this world that have life much worse than I, but I just feel this horrible emotion consuming me constantly and it just wont go away. I don't know what to do anymore and I just feel like I'm losing my sanity. Any advice or comments appreciated. ",-0.7217,negative,lonely 128,depressed,Why do I feel like everything is just horrible?,listener_1,2,"because it is. life is a waste of time. everything in life is a curse. like, really, wtf is the point? we try so hard to welcome ppl into our own minds, but it's an impossible task. no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to welcome someone into our mind, even if you're married to them for decades or some bullshit. also, singularity will destroy the entire world anyway, so what's the point, we're all dying, we'll all be dead eventually.",-0.9575,negative,neutral 128,depressed,Why do I feel like everything is just horrible?,speaker,3,I have seen a therapist I just usually stop going as I feel it's not really helping. I was also put on meds but I wasn't sleeping normally and had to stop taking them because of school and work schedules. I tend to cry abnormally a lot lol or atleast that's how I feel about it. At times it helps but other times I just feel like it's proof to me that I'm so unhappy which makes me more unhappy. Sigh I guess it's just something I have to learn to deal with.,-0.8047,negative,sad 128,depressed,Why do I feel like everything is just horrible?,listener_2,4,"Keep trying. Seeing a therapist and trying to actively make change is hard, much harder than it seems like it should be. As for the meds, there are so many different prescriptions out there, and it'll take time to find the one(s) that will help. Crying is good. So many people think crying is a sign of weakness, but it's not - it means you acknowledge that there is a problem which is always the first step in correcting it.",-0.5499,negative,sad 129,depressed,Why am I always depressed after social interactions?,speaker,1,Last night I hung out with some friends after work and it was fun. But I always noticed things. Once we all went home I ended up just looking at what happened and remembering how people reacted(as usual). I noticed how I had no stories to tell since I lived a sheltered life and always played it safe rather than taking a chance. How I'm always the odd one in the group. Little to say and nothing to make me interesting. I would get asked about fun things I did or funny things that happened to me but there was none. I just feel like I'm such a bore and just a random listener to their interesting past and lives.,0.9752,positive,lonely 129,depressed,Why am I always depressed after social interactions?,listener_1,2,"You seem to know why you're depressed after social interactions. But you don't have to be hard on yourself because you don't have stories. If you feel like you lack something which you can offer to the group, then look at it this way. People enjoy having an audience. If you're a good listener no one really minds if you don't have stories of your own. Good listeners are attentive, interactive (laugh, nod, basically just reacting to the story), and non judgmental. Also, a lot of times listeners need to be able to keep secrets. So just polish up your listening skills and no one will ever question that you are a great member of the group. If your discomfort comes specifically from not having your own stories and is less about the group and more about what you feel you lack in your own life, then try changing things. You don't need to do extreme things to start building up a repertoire of stories and life experiences. Just take a left turn instead of a right turn one day while you're driving home. You might get completely lost. There's a story. You might find something you had no idea existed. That's a story. Little adventures build up your confidence for bigger ones.",0.9148,positive,sad 129,depressed,Why am I always depressed after social interactions?,listener_2,3,"Eloquently put, very nice.",0.4754,positive,acknowledging 130,depressed,Keep getting rejected,speaker,1,I just can't understand why I'm getting rejected everywhere I go. I've been banned from 3 diff forums after posting just once. I had to make this account just to get back on reddit. What's wrong with me?,-0.8555,negative,disappointed 130,depressed,Keep getting rejected,listener_1,2,Are you willing to share exactly what those posts were? If you're getting banned from multiple forums--especially if they're unrelated to each other--then it seems like either what you're saying or how you're saying it (or both) is upsetting people. It sucks to be rejected. I'm sorry it happened to you.,-0.8176,negative,questioning 130,depressed,Keep getting rejected,listener_2,3,My guess is you were banned because someone took offense to your post without being aware of the context or your good intentions. It's important to be able to tell when certain things aren't your fault.,0.4692,positive,neutral 130,depressed,Keep getting rejected,listener_3,4,"Seems odd to be banned for an opinion. Even if it isn't supported. But let's address your real issue. 34, female, single. That's the part you want fixed, right? Without seeing you, knowing you, it's best to say that there is someone out there for everyone. And it's true. You just have to find them. Give people a chance. Friends, bf, spouses.. They take work and time. And they take putting yourself out there and marketing yourself like you would a product. Find all the things that make you interesting and find others who share those interests. ",0.9789,positive,apprehensive 130,depressed,Keep getting rejected,listener_4,5,"It's hard to say without knowing anything about you. do you have any ideas about why people might be turned off by you? Those two guys might have had interests in other women. how could you really know if it was any other girl they would have perused them? There are literally unlimited reasons why someone might not want to date. Don't give up, but try to be objective. I personally know someone who speaks like you, that is, they seem to have no idea why people aren't attracted to them. They're blind to the fact that they're unintentional condescending, among other things (I'm not saying that's you, just an example). ",-0.7406,negative,questioning 131,depressed,Help me out here,speaker,1,Just looking for ways to take my mind off of stuff my problem is i just have no drive no desire to really do anything on top of this I'm about to start my senior year of highschool with little friends and my last brother is moving out of my house to start his life with his Fiancé i am happy for him but its just hard because he was really the only one that i had constantly to do things with. Its hard because the few friends i have do things after school and i just am in a funk right now feeling like i am gonna be in an extreme depression come school year when i get out around 11 and have nothing to do so wondering if anyone can please help me with ways to increase my drive to do something and something to do to get my mind off of things maybe meet new friends as well i am a shy person and that hurts me a lot i just can't approach people because of insecurities and feelings of being judged for it ,0.8115,positive,lonely 131,depressed,Help me out here,listener_1,2,"I know this feeling through and through. The thing is this is a self perpetuating cycle. You're shy, you lack motivation, so you have few friends and nothing to do which only makes you draw more into yourself and lose more motivation so you never make new friends and find new things to do. You won't miraculously gain motivation by continuing to sit around. I know, I've tried. You have to force yourself out of your comfort zone. You said your friends have things to do after school, well maybe you need to pick up an after school activity too. Even if you REALLY really don't want to. You NEED to, to get yourself out of the cycle that you're in. It doesn't matter if it is a school related activity or a job or an aerobics class at your local YMCA just force yourself to do something. It's the only way you'll leave your lack of motivation behind. You'll make new friends and new things to do will start popping up. You'll probably feel uncomfortable, but don't let those feelings overpower you. ",0.1349,positive,agreeing 131,depressed,Help me out here,speaker,3,I really appreciate this help it really is a cycle I will try to step out of my comfort zone and join like a sport or something thank you really ,0.9343,positive,grateful 132,depressed,Feeling left behind,speaker,1,"For the past two years I`ve had a group of friends that I have considered close to me. Whenever they have some sort of gathering or meet up I do my best to help out whoever I can. One of these friends lives quite far away so I offer to drive him to and from events. I offer to buy any drinks, snacks or food that may be required with the intention of being paid back. I have even paid extra on a bill because other under tipped or just didn`t pay enough For two years now we have been friends and I have rarely been paid back for alcohol and not once has anyone ever bothered to offer up some gas money. I am not too wealthy and I have to drive a 1994 Nissan Patherfinder. Needless to say, after driving my friends around I have to pay about $80.00 a week in gas prices. Recently, I feel pretty unappreciated and left out. Most of them can drive themselves now and can buy their own alcohol, etc. Now they don`t need me to get them alcohol or drive them around anymore so they tend to invite me less. Before I would get text from them a couple of times a week. Now they contact me once every 1-2 weeks. It seems I was only there as a taxi driver and alcohol delivery service. I genuinely cared about these people and wanted them to be happy. I guess that doesn`t involve me anymore. I tend be a shy introverted person and it`s hard for me to approach new people. As I get shoved out of my cherished group of friends, I find myself lonely and forgotten 90% of the time. I don`t know if I should approach them about this or just move on and find people who actually appreciate me. ",0.9776,positive,caring 132,depressed,Feeling left behind,listener_1,2,Right here with you man :(,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 132,depressed,Feeling left behind,speaker,3,It's a horrible feeling to be used. :(,-0.7096,negative,acknowledging 132,depressed,Feeling left behind,listener_1,4,"I had a long conversation with someone about it. He basically said I'm the better man, because if someone used him like they used me, he would've punched them. I suppose I just can't let it go. I've known the guy since I was 4 years old (I'm 18 now) and a betrayal like that is inconceivable to me.",0.4767,positive,trusting 133,depressed,I think I've done it,speaker,1,I've not posted here before cos I didn't think anyone would want to hear. You know what it's like. But. I think I've finally conquered it. My room is tidy. My teeth are being brushed. Im showering. I'm seeing friends I'm making plans. I can't remember the last time I just sat in my room staring at the ceiling. I've begun planning for the future because I want there to be one now. I think what's helped is finding a new group of friends who seem to understand and were patient. There is a light guys. Please keep fighting. ,0.8847,positive,content 133,depressed,I think I've done it,listener_1,2,"Hey I'm really happy for you! Keep it up, if you can maintain this upswing that'll make you feel a lot better. Thanks for sharing on this subreddit it can get a little depressing sometimes (slight pun intended)",0.8904,positive,acknowledging 133,depressed,I think I've done it,speaker,3,"Thank you I appreciate it. I thought I'd try and show people, like I said, that there IS a light. ",0.7717,positive,grateful 133,depressed,I think I've done it,speaker,4,"I focused more on wanting my feeling for things to end, to end. If you catch my drift. I want a future now. Just keep fighting man. I don't know how else to help. Confide in someone.",0.5574,positive,trusting 133,depressed,I think I've done it,speaker,5,Thank you. I had a lapse a few weeks back but cracking through it. ,0.1901,positive,grateful 133,depressed,I think I've done it,listener_2,6,"I'm so glad you are powering through it. You give me hope. I'm on week six of complete regression to a dark time pre-medication and therapy. I've been wondering if others are like me, as far as ""rough spots"" go. Hard to see an end in sight when I see my sleep habits, hygiene, and social habits change drastically. ",0.807,positive,grateful 133,depressed,I think I've done it,speaker,7,"It feels impossible but it's not. It's really really not. I began to force myself out. Literally force. Set alarm after alarm. ""Walk to shop"" even if I walked in, walked out I still had to get dressed and get out. Waking up early is another thing. You can do it :) ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,confident 134,depressed,Student was killed today...,speaker,1,"I didn't know her, but she was a first year engineering student. She was struck by lightening and died this morning. It makes me depressed because she's been in school for 3 days and she's gone! I feel horrible for the family, and her friends. R.I.P. ",-0.9293,negative,sad 134,depressed,Student was killed today...,listener_1,2,"It made you feel sad. Not depressed. Depression is a feeling that you cant get rid of. Its not sadness, its a feeling of lack of self worth. A state of mind in which you feel trapped. That your life isnt worth living because things are never going to get better. That you have no reason to enjoy life, no reason to get out of bed in the morning, no reason to try. Its a mental illness, and a treatable one. Dont confuse the two in the future, and if you know anyone who really is depressed, help them, or make them seek help.",0.2712,positive,sad 134,depressed,Student was killed today...,listener_2,3,"Yeah and a feeling of sadness can trigger depression, please don't judge and let people speak their mind whether you find it fitting or not.",-0.3818,negative,agreeing 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,speaker,1,They made other plans and are going out to dinner without me. My friends all are busy because they made other plans. Can't wait to spend my birthday alone tomorrow :/,-0.7144,negative,lonely 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,listener_1,2,"hey, man... I feel ya... This year I bought myself cake, and ate it in my dorm room... I've got no other advice than buy some cake and make the best of it :P",0.6940000000000001,positive,agreeing 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,speaker,3,Yeah I bought a bottle of jack Daniels and in just gonna sit here and drink alone today. ,0.0516,positive,lonely 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,listener_2,4,"Best thing, that's how i've been doing my birthday for several years now. Nothing like a nice cake you yourself choose and like and some reflection over the past year + setting goals or just enjoying the moment. I usually take a pic with candles on it, just to remind myself of that point in year which i usually spend at work + a lonely evening. :) Happy birthday to you!",0.9032,positive,sentimental 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,listener_1,5,that's not a cake...,0.0,neutral,neutral 135,depressed,My birthday is tomorrow and my family forgot all about it.,listener_3,6,Not with that attitude. ,0.0,neutral,angry 136,depressed,"This is a long one, but I have no other to share this with.",speaker,1,"Hmm, where to begin. Lately, I have been overwhelmed by a feeling of emptiness. A feeling of a lack of satisfaction and desire to continue forward in this journey through what we call life. Lost passion and love for wanting more in life and progress through the odyssey of this momentary glimpse in time. Observing others in a myriad of scenarios and interactions through others and myself has allowed me to see who we truly are in light of circumstances. It seems many of us wear a variety of masks in order to inscribe ourselves on our common affiliates in order to maintain a sense of imagery and status. This, in my mentality, proves beyond peradventure of our true innocence and ambition to genuinely become our aligned selves without having to create facades for another at the sake of emotional and societal value. Now, don’t take this as a suicidal outcry for a hand through difficult times. Merely, I am projecting thoughts that I cannot seem to communicate among my peers. Perhaps because it is quite a depressing thought that none wish to venture down with many. A hole of abyssal proportions that sink deeply into a persons mainframe and shatter the illusions they may have built upon for many years. This philosophy leaves me thinking I am alone in this speculation to truly dive deeply within this psyche of mine to grasp and rewire this thought pattern, possibly applicable to another suffering from the same mindset. I believe my hope is for another to understand and to listen to what it is my experience and mind has led me to. Now, as I meditate and conduct my daily routines of Qi Gong, Yoga and 1 hour of body weight workouts I find no sense of gratification in the practices that seem to become the general consensus for the mass majority. In hopes of reinvigorating my love for passionate wandering and curiosity through the unknown I am left empty and unsatisfied with what it is I am maintaing for the health of my triad of wellness, being spiritual, mental and physical. In hopes of this not being the case, I leave the possibility of an event taking place or an encounter changing my life. Remaining open to any course of phenomenon that may impact my very existence. Instead, the moment I walk through the door, I am but a puppet. A serviceman for others in their needs for mental and physical reassurance and rehabilitation. This has been an ongoing thread for ten years. It’s true, you can be available for anyone else and they come in flocks to leech your wisdom and your compassion. This, in my opinion, leaves the tidy sum with an impression that you will never one day need that same consideration due to your well kept manners and demeanor, making your call for aid of compassionate attempt to connect with another unexchangeable. My occupation as a massage practitioner once granted me supreme fulfillment, providing a gift for others to heal naturally and gain a sense of relaxation for their mental well being. For so long I wished for this to become my occupation of choice, even risking a relationship which became, in the end, a portioned factor in the separation. Living through a passion and an abuse, as well as a betrayal of the relationship, has greatly effected my trust in others. Leaving me with remnants of heartbreak and distrustfulness. Admittedly, my voice has become silenced due to restricted wanting to allow others in and for the sake of being criticized by others because I am in a group of highly advanced scholars who seem to challenge and judge without constructive feedback. Somehow, I find myself caught in situations that lead to others to seek out the unknown within me, my personal mysteries. Engaging in intimate affairs seems to satisfy the primal instincts but in no way satisfies my mental desires. In fact, I don’t understand the reason I engage in such ceremony between two lustful beings. It brings nothing but senselessness and dissatisfaction. My belief is to engage a person at the deepest, to the core of their being in order to really know who they are. However, who really reveals this side of themselves, honestly? Perhaps this is a stage in life where these needs are not really needs, they are physical and society influenced needs resulting from stacked beliefs in order to attain ‘enlightenment’ in oneself for status in the world. Enlightenment is what you mold it into, hell you can even find it in the simplest things such as breath. I see and recognize all the traits and autotelism of what our society has built. Maybe in this realization I have internally programmed myself similar to that of a motherboard. Living through life to serve a function and not really hold any internal desire or sense of success, just to keep moving forward towards the ultimate goal. Not understanding or having a sense of what my magnum opus should result in life leaves me feeling lost and unknowing. A man of 24 should not have these thought traits, at least this vast. Or maybe he should, to broaden his own self worth and become his envisioned self one day, I would think he/she would have their life set straightforward in order to attain the highest personal achievement. I am unsure as to what this destination should be in this cloud of mystery. Nevertheless, I feel my biological clock ticking and I have to answer this riddle before it implodes my mind indefinitely. This could be an interesting case study, possibly. I’m open to questions furthering this issue to resolution. Thank you for reading this novel. Getting this out has been a matter of time. ",0.9954,positive,lonely 136,depressed,"This is a long one, but I have no other to share this with.",listener_1,2,"I tried hard to match your intellectual style of writing to obtain understanding, so I'm not sure how much I interpreted correctly. One thing particularly struck me. You mentioned getting to know someone to their core. I've done this, to myself with someone. See, I don't value life in a particular way that would prevent me from analysing myself. I'm not opposed to looking at myself objectively, as an outcome of the natural laws of the universe that govern everything else I believe in. I'm willing to psychoanalyse myself and I have done so. The problem is that I'm not sure how biased I am even in my desire to be completely objective. I usually end up having several possible psychoanalyses, not knowing which is the most likely. I then like to take things further and analyse myself as a product of evolutionary or animal traits. I dont value my self privacy at all. If you'd like to get to know me, go ahead and pm me with as many questions as you want and I'll answer them with the best insight I can.",0.8053,positive,trusting 136,depressed,"This is a long one, but I have no other to share this with.",speaker,3,"We seem to share the same mind set when it comes to self analysis, however I cannot even see it from an evolutionary or animalistic standpoint. It seems cyclic and redundant to continue moving in this fashion for an ultimate knowing of everything there is possibly to discover. Recognizing the qualities we have collectively gathered, as a population, leaves me seeing the rational clearly. Contribution to this evolution, however, leaves me in a pit of stagnation. Again, with no passion or lack of desire to do so has me resorting to the mind state of a computer, a robot if you will. With a plethora of scenarios and outcomes, like you, I do not grasp the likely after an internalized psychoanalysis. At this rate, I'm no longer surprised with what is out there to discover and explore. Many courses through literature, stories and media has conclusively left me with a feeling of, ""I've done that in some way."" ",0.7364,positive,apprehensive 137,depressed,I don't believe.,speaker,1,"Yo /r/depressed. Tonight was another mess. Quick backstory, I'm an unemployed university drop out. I lack confidence in my own abilities and struggle with any various levels of stress and anxiety. I'm not fond of myself. Regardless, I want to be a game developer. I've held onto to this aspiration for well over a decent when I was 10. I remember that moment quite clearly. Back to tonight. I was playing a game with friends called League of Legends, it's a popular multiplayer game consisting of 2 teams, 5 a side. I'm known as a 'toxic player', I am quick to negative attitude and am quick to lash out at other players. I was working on my toxicity while I was under counselling... however that ended over a month ago and I don't see it getting better. The negativity started when I was 'ambushed' by the enemy team. However, one of my friends noticed the enemy coming towards me and they assumed I noticed too. This resulted in me being upset with them due to their assumption and my lack of skill in game. In the end, I played poorly and quit somewhat early in the game. I left my friends to finish off without me. I gave up and felt like never playing it again, it was horrible to re-experience this feeling. My thoughts were unchecked and I didn't know why I bothered playing, why should I bother with any of it. Nothing good seems to happen, it wasn't worth it. I am now left with the feeling of lack of belief. Hence the title. I don't see myself getting a job anytime soon, I just don't believe I am capable. I struggle in developing my skills and work yet I leave them incompleted, I just don't believe it's worth it. So morning, I don't even leave my bed as I don't know why I should go to my computer and do anything. I don't care anymore. While I hold onto my family and friends, which remind me there is something. They themselves don't actively remind there is something. They represent something to hold onto, but I'm not sure I believe in that anymore. I am aware belief is a power tool one can use to change their life, but I don't believe I am able to use in my situation. You could question if I believe anyone will reply to this post? Currently wondering if I'll even bother submitting it, whether or not I believe it's worth it. I don't question my own self worth, I believe I'm simply not good enough for this world. I'm worthless, it's easier than trying to calculate whether or not I should bother figuring out all my problems and figuring the solutions... which actually reinforces my believe of worthlessness, as someone who was worth anything would try that much. I have tried and I continue to struggle, it isn't getting easier. I fear it never will. I don't want to wake up tomorrow, I want to just continue the pain of tonight. If my eyes are awake it'll be seamless. I don't have to wake up to tomorrow, as the night never happened... You could ask, why didn't I find more counselling. Even my Dad thought I would get free counselling as I live in the UK, however I was informed by my previous counsellor from IAPT that to get the high grade of counselling it would require money... I hope I sleep okay, but I don't think I will. I don't look forward to tomorrow, even though the past month hasn't seemed bad... it's just had many hiccups, valleys and mountains. ",-0.9069,negative,disappointed 137,depressed,I don't believe.,listener_1,2,"I am depressed as well, and the only reason i am reading this subreddit is to know i am not alone with my struggles. I could barely get out of bed for a month one time. I want you to know that we are with you. You are not alone in this battle",-0.5454,negative,trusting 137,depressed,I don't believe.,speaker,3,"Thank you. When I first discovered this subreddit, I wasn't sure why it was made. I figured it was for supporting each other, but the thought of others being depressed sort of put me off. But when I was feeling negative and mute, I just wanted to express myself in some way. I was able to here.",-0.8191,negative,grateful 137,depressed,I don't believe.,speaker,4,"I know Actionscript 3.0, C++ and Java. I self-taught myself Actionscript 3.0 for a good while now, I've only made small things. I was taught C++ and Java at university, I was learning Direct 3D and some networking. I'm trying to relearn C++ for a project with some friends.",0.7184,positive,confident 137,depressed,I don't believe.,listener_2,5,"Cool. I've learned most of my C++ from doing Project Euler problems. You might want to check those out if you need something to help you brush up on your C++. Timing your solutions is a nice way to focus your mind on writing optimized, performant code. I don't know, but I was under the impression that high-end game development is done in C++ anyway. If you have any other coding challenges that you've found interesting, let me know. Cheers,",0.928,positive,questioning 138,depressed,Just bloody depressed and cynical today.,speaker,1,"Usually I am an idealist. Hanging out on reddit today though just really sucked the life out of me. Serves me right for posting in a large reddit. Every other post, you have someone calling you names without any substance in their post whatsoever. All I want is someone to say, ""Thank you for at least trying to make the world a better place."" Anyways; should I grow a thicker skin, or just delete reddit?",0.6133,positive,apprehensive 139,depressed,"no hope, for me",speaker,1,"i'm just done. but i'm not strong enough to end it. i know it wont get better. that if i last, it will be only because i've accepted whatever numbness becomes a part of me to enable going on. i hate that i'm going to spend the rest of my life feeling alone, isolated and resentful. there is no hope for me. Just like my mother, who died in a place of emotional torment. like my dad, who lives alone and has no one. but me. and i'm on the other side of the country. i belong no where. and after so many years of telling myself that either by my own will, or with help, that it'll change, i know now that it won't. changing my circumstance never helps for long. and if my mom can die the way she did, after all that she did, i know for some people it doesn't get better. drugs, shrinks, attempting to maintain an optimistic perspective to draw positive energy to me.. nothing helps. i'm not religious, but lately i've tried praying for strength to know what i need to do, to become even moderately happy. what's the point of life if it's nothing but a struggle? what's the point if after years of choices and attempts, you always end up in the same place? i'm scared i'll eventually just say, you know what world? you've won. fuck it.",-0.9537,negative,lonely 139,depressed,"no hope, for me",listener_1,2,You sound clinically depressed. Have you tried talking to a doctor and getting on medication?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 139,depressed,"no hope, for me",listener_2,3,Note) medication often works. it makes you less sad which means that you won't have trouble getting friends. ,0.3718,positive,neutral 140,depressed,Thank you.,speaker,1,"I came to this sub feeling incredibly down. I've had a really shit day and whilst I am no longer as depressed as once I was, the same feelings are always at the back my your mind, waiting for me to let them take over again. I've thought once or twice about suicide recently, but not in a mopey self piteous way, more a cold and clinical reasoning. I've told myself I'll never cut again but occasionally miss the pain, the blood and the scars. Seems sometimes I could just show on the outside the kind of ugliness inside me. I've been growing distant from some people, thinking more about my own failures and ineptitude socially, realising my reputation as a sicko isn't because people blow things out of proportion, but maybe I genuinely am a sick individual. I'm fed up of feeling like I'm a freak and fed up of my intrusive fucking family. There's no reason for me to feel my life is shit. I know I'm privileged but I also know I'm insignificant. I'm a fucking speck on the foot of the universe, not worth anything to anyone. Sorry, I digress. My point was supposed to say, thank you. I've poked around some threads and you all seem very supportive of random strangers such as myself and it warms what's left of my cynical stony raisin of a heart to see that attitude. Thank you all for even acting like you care. I mean, obviously you don't really care that much, you don't know me or any of the others that are struggling. But those few kind, if empty, words stick out a mile from the usual feelings of invisibility or worse, the stares. Ps. Sorry about formatting, on mobile, tired and in a fairly emotional mood right now.",-0.9766,negative,sad 140,depressed,Thank you.,listener_1,2,"You don't ever have to explain why you're depressed. Sometimes people just *are* and it has nothing to do with privilege. I can't speak for everyone on the sub, but for me, I've been there. I have periods of extreme depression that I can't shake. Knowing what it's like, I want to try and be there for others while they work through the depression. Even if the people on this sub don't know you personally, they still care. If they didn't care, they wouldn't be on this sub, trying to give words of comfort, advice, or maybe just be a listener. I'm a firm believer that any depression can be worked through, but it might take time and outside help. If you're feeling suicidal, talk to someone. PM me if you need to. ",-0.9073,negative,caring 140,depressed,Thank you.,speaker,3,"Thank you. I often feel the need to explain it. When I've vented to people in the past it's been a case of ""you have this that and the other, you've no excuse"" but I still feel just... Robotic, I guess. Like I can no longer feel any real joy or sorrow, just a weird kind of emptiness. I often long to relapse into deep depression just to feel like I can really feel things again. I'm sorry if I've not answered your reply properly, my mind is meandering all over tonight. Thanks again for your supportive attitude. I tried it myself after I had recovered, but interacting with depressed individuals only drained from me what light I'd gained back and it was tiresome having the conversation cycle round again and again because they just won't listen to you. I couldn't be patient enough to help people, and I respect that you can.",0.5557,positive,sympathizing 140,depressed,Thank you.,listener_1,4,"It's hard for people who have never dealt with depression to understand it. Nothing needs to happen to trigger depression. Your feelings are valid. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with depression or emptiness. :< I hope it gets better soon. I'm a weirdly optimistic person, so thanks for the compliment! I'm glad my words are supportive; I know they're not worth much. If you're not in a place to offer support to others, don't fret. There is no reason to get dragged down trying to help someone else. (If two people are drowning, better one survives than both drowning, right?) Anyway, I tend to ramble so I'll stop there. I mean it when I said you can PM me anytime. I'll listen, if it helps any. ",0.9144,positive,sympathizing 140,depressed,Thank you.,speaker,5,"Thank you :) things seem great today. Having posted on a couple of boards like r/needafriend I have managed to get talking to a handful if new people and even hit it off with my celebrity crush! I guess it really just takes that reaching out to connect and the life sort of starts happening again. Shame it's all online, I'm still awful in real life socialising.",0.7574,positive,joyful 141,depressed,What's it all for?,speaker,1,What's the point? Why eat work shit rinse and repeat?,-0.6072,negative,questioning 141,depressed,What's it all for?,listener_1,2,I feel that I continue with the hope that tomorrow will make more sense than today. ,0.4404,positive,hopeful 141,depressed,What's it all for?,listener_2,3,"I can guarantee you that not everyone has a passion. I'm one of those people. My only passion is getting high, because reality sucks and there's nothing here to be passionate about. I will get downvoted probably for saying this, but its just how I feel. There's no objective meaning to live I suppose other than reproduce.",0.2846,positive,content 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,speaker,1,"First actual post so bear with me. First of all I feel selfish for posting here because I don't consider myself depressed, I just didn't know what sub to post to. But I turn 18 tomorrow (yes I know that's too young). My gf of about a year and a half broke up with me yesterday. I know everyone says the same things , but I honestly thought she was the one. She made me believe she was by always saying she loved me so much and we were going to have such a wonderful life together. I was so happy in this relationship but I'm not really one for expressing emotions. Honestly , I never thought it would end. Well turns out for the past few weeks she has been unhappy and it's all my fault. She says Ive been to controlling and she needs to be alone and I really think it's my fault. I thought we were fine but this hit me so hard I can't even accept that it happened. I constantly think about her with other guys and it absolutely kills me. There is a lot more but I've probably already bored you. Thanks for reading anyways any uplifting comments are appreciated. I just feel so numb and lost right now. Sorry for any errors I'm on mobile. ",0.5466,positive,sad 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,listener_1,2,"Don't dwell on the thoughts of her, let yourself be consumed by you're hobbies, man. Whatever it is that you enjoy: listening to music, playing videogames, art, whatever. Just spend all the time you can focusing on other things.",0.5618,positive,sad 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,speaker,3,Thank you so much. Even a few days later I'm sitting in class about to lose it everytime I see her or think of her. ,-0.0516,negative,grateful 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,speaker,4,Yeah a lot of people have tried to help saying that. Honestly I know it's the best thing to do but it's just so hard. I just hate how this affects me way more than it affects her. Thank you for the reply. ,0.2384,positive,neutral 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,listener_2,5,How's it coming along?,0.0,neutral,questioning 142,depressed,Any comments are appreciated,speaker,6,"Feeling a lot better now. Thanks for checking back, really appreciate it.",0.8516,positive,sympathizing 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,1,"My girlfriend has bipolar disorder and was off meds for a few months. I love her death and would do anything for her. She is the type that needs to be alone. She goes on chat rooms for depression and stuff. And just does that all Rahm barely talks to me and rarely even ""really"" smiles at me. I was ok at first. Do what you need to feel better and I'm here for you, that while thing. But I have anxiety and I also have depression issues. I have an overly active imagination and all I can think about when she is smiling and laughing while on her computer is that she is talking to someone that makes her happier then me. Now as a back story of it it's been two months now. So I was ok at first. But gradually the lack of attention from a once loving and always together relationship has made me wonder. I trust her and I don't think she would cheat on me but my anxiety and imagination are driving me crazy. She can't even look up to say when I come home from work but she can stay all day on this laptop with people smiling and laughing. Why can't I make her do that anymore? The other day I approached her about it and it went bad. She got mad that I was throwing it in her face and making her guilty about things she already knows she is doing. She gets mad that I am coming at her in the way I am with attitude and anger. It's because I'm angry and jealous that I can't make her happy anymore. She says I am mad because she isn't giving me attention to my standards. Because randomly once out of every few days she will come hug me or kiss me or lay with me. I'm sleeping on the fucking couch for God's sake. All of this I'm doing for her and yet I'm still in the wrong. I want to be there for her but it's getting harder and harder. She is finally back on meds but it takes a couple weeks to kick in and now I have to wait to see if the love of my life comes back to me or if I have fucked it up with my moods and jealousy that she won't feel the same way after. I'm sorry it's so long of a read. I just needed to vent. And maybe get some points on handling my situation or words of confidence to help me through it. I love my gf to death. I want to spend the rest of my life with her. But this is the first time Iv dealt with this and Idk what to do",-0.9432,negative,caring 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,listener_1,2,"I have a similar situation to you, but my girlfriend is away at college, so the only way we can talk is over text or during the occasional visit. We spent the majority of our time together since we started dating and we have had a great relationship so far. She went to an all-girls high school and never really hung out with guys so I never had any worry that she would cheat on me or anything. I trust her a lot. Now she moved away to college and is hanging out pretty much exclusively with guys and has taken up the new habit of smoking weed with them often times. Like I mentioned, the only real relationship we have is by text and she blows me off all the time for other people, classes, or for whatever other reasons that I don't even know. Prior to her moving away we pretty much had an agreement that we would Skype or FaceTime all the time to keep in touch, and in the month she's been gone, I could count on one hand the amount of times we've done either. I try to tell her how these things bother me and how I think she's making bad decisions but she just gets really defensive and angry at me, suggesting that all I do is judge her and get mad at her. To a degree that's true, since the only time we talk is when she has nothing better to do and she decides I'm important enough to text, at which point I'm pissed that she hasn't talked to me or anything. I just don't know where I went wrong man... I feel like the way it's going we should just part ways and live our own lives since the way it seems it is right now anyway, but I also don't want to throw away the 16 months of mostly awesome relationship that we have had. Hopefully it works out for us both.",0.9596,positive,trusting 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,3,Just know she asked me why I am so mopey and knows that it I want her to be better already and I just have to give it time and she will be the same as she was again,0.4939,positive,hopeful 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,4,That's the thing tho is she is so adamant about me be the guy that has changed her life. She loves me too. Just her depression and stuff makes her stray away from everyone. She always says it's her problems and doesn't want to put it on me because I ance my own. Idk man. I don't want to admit we are having problems cause it would kill me to say it and I want to believe it's because of her bipolar. We were perfect before her depression hit,-0.9049,negative,trusting 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,5,I try to but she never wants to go anywhere. I can barely talk to her with out a feeling like I am annoying her,0.1154,positive,annoyed 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,6,Last night I said I would go to my friends house so she could get alone time. She ended up going to a bar and then getting a bottle and getting drunk at home. We used to always go out and do that together but then suddenly she can only do that without me there,-0.0387,neutral,angry 143,depressed,I feel alone and worthless,speaker,7,Idk she seems like she isn't testing me but I'm so confused on her moods ,-0.5326,negative,neutral 144,depressed,My GF Died A Month Ago,speaker,1,"I don't know what to do. I feel so bad everyday. I can't get anything real done. Its a struggle to work. They gave me antidepressents and I had a bad reaction. I almost feel like taking the whole bottle right now, but I won't. I just feel so bad. This is the hardest thing in my life I've ever had to deal with. I miss her so much every second of everyday. I loved her so much. I wish I could trade places with her. She was a better person than me. I'm seeing a councilor on Tuesday and I'll call the doctor tomorrow, but I hate the fact that I need pills to feel normal again. I've never been this depressed before. the only time I was truly happy was with her. Now. I don't think I'll ever be happy again.",0.6769,positive,guilty 144,depressed,My GF Died A Month Ago,listener_1,2,"The depression from losing a loved one can take a while to get through. It's been over two years since my husband died and I'm still struggling, but it has gotten easier. I never believed things would get easier at the time, either. People will tell you the same thing over and over, and you get tired of hearing ""it'll get easier,"" but it is the truth - it will get easier. Take life one day at a time. Remember the good times and cherish those memories. Good luck with the counselor and the doctor, and don't forget to cry when you need to. ",0.9841,positive,hopeful 144,depressed,My GF Died A Month Ago,speaker,3,"I was never happy before I met her. Do you think I could be again? Now that I'm off antidepressents, I'm fucking drunk",-0.6899,negative,joyful 144,depressed,My GF Died A Month Ago,listener_1,4,"You'll be happy again when you learn to be happy with yourself. This is not easy to do, but it's worth the effort.",0.6539,positive,proud 145,depressed,alone,speaker,1,I am literally alone.The only family I have left is elderly. Nobody talks to me unless they want to use me. even going as far as to play on my sympathies and try to use me as a homeless shelter but not talk to me and throw fits when they don't get what they want. I'm very sick and in a lot of pain that gets worse every day. I'm dealing with PTSD on top of depression and keep getting turned away when I try to get help due to this. I feel trapped and stuck.,-0.9665,negative,lonely 145,depressed,alone,listener_1,2,"I'm not in any position or head space to want to share my story but I was in a very similar place. About a year ago I started volunteering, meeting people and in turn extremely helping me with my confidence which led to also playing in a soccer team. It may seem small but definitely gave me a reason to keep my chin up. I have people I would happily call family over blood relatives any day ",0.9642,positive,grateful 145,depressed,alone,speaker,3,yeah I don't really have much in the way of relatives anyway... one half of my family totally cut me off when I was 12 or 13 anyway,-0.0498,neutral,lonely 145,depressed,alone,speaker,4,I don't really know where to find those people. it's hard to find those people that make you happy huh,0.5106,positive,lonely 145,depressed,alone,listener_1,5,How are you coping as of late?,0.0,neutral,questioning 145,depressed,alone,speaker,6,Thanks for asking.. well I actually ended up finally going to the ER about the pain because it got a bit unbearable. and I got some dental work done so I've just been sleeping a lot. not the healthiest way to deal with things but it's giving me a bit of a break. and now that I don't constantly feel like my head is going to explode and I'm not seeing double that has actually made a difference,0.1986,positive,neutral 145,depressed,alone,listener_1,7,"Good to hear you've been able to get past that pain, I've never experienced anything like that but it did sound unbearable. And maybe not the healthiest but meh, if it's making you feel better then I say relax and sleep in. Make sure you find something to do with your time though in a productive sense so you don't become too complacent :) happy to hear some good news ",0.9741,positive,acknowledging 146,depressed,Even a brief look is worth while,speaker,1,/r/cheerup,0.0,neutral,disappointed 146,depressed,Even a brief look is worth while,listener_1,2,This post should have more upvotes. ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 146,depressed,Even a brief look is worth while,speaker,3,"It's not a very big thread but it can always grow, Thanks :)",0.8338,positive,acknowledging 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",speaker,1,"Hello guys, I was posting to ask you if any of you know of any ways of getting emergency medication? Thanks.",0.0772,positive,questioning 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",listener_1,2,Call your doctor and tell them you're running low. They'll probably call you in at least a partial prescription to get you through until your appointment.,-0.2732,negative,hopeful 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",speaker,3,What would you suggest I do if I can't do that?,0.0,neutral,questioning 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",speaker,4,Thank you very much.,0.3612,positive,wishing 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",listener_1,5,No problem.,0.3089,positive,content 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",listener_2,6,"Might get downvoted to hell for this, but if you happen to live in Colorado or Washington, you might consider pot. I would never recommend an addictive substance for long term treatment, but if you're trying to bridge the gap between prescriptions, pot will do more good for you than alcohol or anything else that doesn't come from a doctor. Just a small amount will give you a bot of a buzz, and I find a puff or two usually puts the dark thoughts out of your mind. At the very least, the world becomes a nicer, funnier place for a bit. If its not legal in your state, then don't try. Seriously. Legal or find an alternative, you do NOT want the trouble illegal bud can land you in.",0.5492,positive,afraid 147,depressed,"Running Low on Quitiapine, Docs appointment 2nd of next month, not sure what to do.",listener_1,7,"You should be able to. I've had to do it several times in my life (been on antidepressants for years). The only time I ever had an issue with this was this one nurse who was leaving (quitting or was fired, don't quite remember), and just didn't give a single fuck about the fact that she was forcing me to go into withdrawal. That was an isolated incident, though. Most practices realize that forcing someone to go without their meds can be quite dangerous.",-0.9134,negative,impressed 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,1,"I went to counselling in the early summer, but that just increased my anxieties surrounding guys and being afraid of being abused. And because it wasn't giving me any answers to my problems but each week the questionnaire I had, reminded me of stuff like suicide, it just brought those thoughts back. The serious thoughts about it did disappear after a month or so, but an ok/normal day for me now is where it's still at the back of my mind. But where I don't think of it as a sensible option at all and don't even have to try and tell myself that it's a stupid idea. My counsellor didn't think that I was even depressed even though she knew about those thoughts and my hopelessness. So told me not to bother trying them. I have a meeting with a tutor (im at university) who is probably going to suggest trying them or going to see another counsellor by the sounds of it. If anti-depressants work, should they also help with these thoughts? I just try and forget that suicide is even a thing/option, because when things go wrong, if it is at the back of my mind already, then it just comes further forward. I almost have a panic attack if people start talking about suicide or joke about it such as when we have a boring lecture and someone says 'kill me now'.",-0.9965,negative,sad 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_1,2,"First I think it should always be said, if you are seriously considering suicide then you should seek immediate help and counseling, and should also be very nervous of starting anti-depression medication without serious and close supervision. That being said I think there is a little more information that might help put things in prospective for you. Depression medication will not remove the thought of suicide from you brain, and if you think about it would you really want to take some thing that could remove part of not only your memory but your ability to process everyday thoughts. What it can and for a lot of people will do (once you have found the right drug/drugs and dose) is keep thoughts like suicide from feeling rational. It can also help end or prevent mania and or looping thoughts that can make you feel trapped in your own head and for me lead to thoughts of helplessness. Also I'll add that medications are not always needed. Personally I had gotten on some medications for depression and they did help some what but it wasn't until after I had lost my insurance and had to get off the medications because I could not long afford them that I really started feeling totally better. Though it may not have been while on medication that I really started to feel better I will say that while on the medications I was able to change the way I viewed myself (taking myself less serious and learned to let go some and have more fun in life) which I think had the largest impart on my over all recovery to a more normal road of mental health.",-0.1035,negative,apprehensive 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,3,"I haven't seriously considered it in a while. But on bad days I do have to kinda argue against that little voice at the back of my mind, which is tiring. And some days I don't particularly want to do anything stupid but I do hate myself for not doing it when I was feeling really bad, because then I wouldn't have had to go through all the crap I have done, since. Counselling just made me feel worse. Going on anti-depressants and then going to counselling while they're keeping me ok might be an idea. I definitely don't want to go back without anything like that to help me. Counselling and medication is free for me as I'm a student in England.",-0.9643,negative,ashamed 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_1,4,It sounds like for the most part you are fairly stable and just going though hard times. I would just say be careful with the medications and don't be scared to tell your doctor if one or many of them are not working well for you. If you are having a rough day and need to vent or chat to get your mind off things feel free to msg me.,0.8313,positive,acknowledging 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,5,"It's just awkward, because then that's another person that I have to admit suicidal thoughts to. Which is why I haven't already been. My counsellor didn't even think I was depressed! And counselling just brought those thoughts back. I think i'd need to be on medication first, check that they work at least a bit, then possibly consider therapy. I need to go back to therapy IMO, but it nearly drove me to suicide last time, so I don't want to go through that again.",-0.9197,negative,apprehensive 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,6,"I think i'd need to be on medication that helps before going back to counselling. I had suicidal thoughts in January, they just about went away between January and counselling, but then counselling brought them back again. But some kind of therapy is the only thing that will get me over my anxieties, I know the medication won't fix my actual problems.",-0.7506,negative,apprehensive 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_2,7,It sounds like you've had some rough luck with counselors. Are these school counselors you're seeing?,0.6705,positive,questioning 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,8,"Yeah, they're at my university counselling service. I had an initial assessment with someone who just got all the background info on all the crap i'd been through and matched me up with the most suitable available counsellor. The uni then only offers 6 sessions of actual counselling. You can then reapply, but it's a long waiting list. It was a couple of months between applying and starting actual sessions when I first tried.",-0.0516,negative,neutral 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_2,9,"Ah, I see. I recommend seeing an actual trained therapist and see if that improves things.",0.6486,positive,suggesting 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,10,The counsellor is trained.,0.0,neutral,trusting 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_2,11,Maybe try someone not affiliated with the school.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,12,I think the tutor i'm seeing next week is going to suggest NHS therapy.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,13,"Most days I'm ok. But whenever I feel bad and/or things go wrong, I have no way of coping so those thoughts just come further forward in my mind.",-0.9136,negative,embarrassed 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,listener_1,14,"Maybe coping skills is a place to begin to build a relationship with a counselor. I could see how it might be hard to begin to open up with some one you don't feel you really know. Maybe learning some coping skills from a counselor can give you a foundation of trust that will allow you to be more comfortable opening up with the current side effects it brings. And even if it doesn't then it would still be nice/useful to have any extra coping skills. Anyways I'm glad most days are good, just keep in mind all day days get better. :)",0.961,positive,suggesting 148,depressed,Should I try anti-depressants? Will they help with suicidal thoughts?,speaker,15,Probably. I have no way of coping apart from thinking about suicide. At least I don't self harm. Most days are ok. Which is where suicide is at the back of my mind as something to think about more if something bad happens. But that I don't want to do it.,-0.7839,negative,apprehensive 149,depressed,Depression=anger turned inwards,speaker,1,"I've heard that depression is anger turned inwards before and it got me thinking about my moods. When I'm alone without need to impress others I'm mostly a very angry person, easily set off and the only exception to this is when I'm feeling too down and depressed to express rage...jw if anyone else can relate to this kind of feeling.",-0.9363,negative,sad 149,depressed,Depression=anger turned inwards,listener_1,2,"Yeah I used to have real problems with outbursts when I was alone. Dumb things like losing a video game or dropping something would make me really angry to the point that I'd throw things and just yell to no one. It's gotten better since I started meds but that anger has kind of been turning outwards. I don't really get outbursts like I used to but I feel like I'm always sort of angry at everything, if that makes sense.",-0.8377,negative,sad 149,depressed,Depression=anger turned inwards,listener_2,3,"Exercise and journal writing (about my feelings and thoughts, no matter how upsetting they may be), as well as healthy eating and expressing gratitude are things that have helped me to deal with anger :).",0.0583,positive,sentimental 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,1,I have no one to go to. My gf basically doesn't know how to consult me. I'm thinking about suicide everyday but I know I can't and I know I should stick around and things will get better but it's almost been 2 years with this thought. I have anxiety pills that I take when I'm down and in scared if I keep doing that I'll get addicted. I just needed to write this down and get it out somewhere. I'll be mad at myself if this depression takes over me and I let it win. I keep fighting everyday but I feel I'm losing this battle ,-0.9691,negative,ashamed 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,listener_1,2,Keep the fight. My best friend died in front of my eyes 2 years ago in an accident that was 100% because of a decision I made. I know the feelings of hopelessness or a battle of finding value and purpose. I do hope things get better for you. Don't let yourself succumb to your negative internal thoughts. Dealing with depression is a constant and challenging (an seemingly never ending) uphill battle. Best of luck my friend. Know you're not alone.,0.7289,positive,hopeful 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,3,Thank you :) I will keep fighting and sorry for your loss ,0.1027,positive,sympathizing 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,4,Listened to the song and love it thanks for showing it to me ,0.7964,positive,grateful 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,5,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,6,Thank you I will if I'm feeling down thanks so much ,0.7096,positive,sympathizing 150,depressed,I feel so stupid for doing this,speaker,7,Thank you I do the same on my phone too. I hope things get better man ,0.8074,positive,encouraging 151,depressed,Down on my luck- nowhere else to turn!,speaker,1,"Sorry for the wall of text---- I havent paid my rent in over 2 months, was told by the landlord he needs to see some money immediately. This was 2 weeks ago.... cut to last week, I somehow managed to set up 2 job interviews. 10 minutes from the 1st interview my car breaks down. So I call both interviews damn near tears to reschedule... My usual mechanic, who has done work for me in the past says he can fix it... 6 days later, today, he is no closer to fixing it then he was the day we towed the car over to his property. About to be thrown out on the street, and because I've had to reschedule my interviews twice now, I've probably lost out on both. Additionally I've applied for emergency cash assistance from the state (Florida, figures) and each time they wait 72 hours to give me a new hurdle to jump over. This was 2 weeks ago.... so right now, I have no car, no job, about to be on the street, with 2 kids. What can I do? Hard to be positive when everything goes against you! HELP PLEASE! !",-0.5606,negative,embarrassed 151,depressed,Down on my luck- nowhere else to turn!,listener_1,2,Go rob some rich persons house and get some cash,0.0,neutral,jealous 151,depressed,Down on my luck- nowhere else to turn!,speaker,3,Miami- Homestead area....,0.0,neutral,afraid 151,depressed,Down on my luck- nowhere else to turn!,speaker,4,Actually I did call them both back and they wont return my calls now... so I guess I missed out.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 151,depressed,Down on my luck- nowhere else to turn!,listener_2,5,Possibly try to find more places to apply? ,0.0,neutral,hopeful 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,1,"I'm laying in bed and my mind is racing. I'm crying, and I don't know why. That's what I hate most about depression. The fact that I cry for no reason. And I hate that I feel like I can't breath and everything is dark. With depression, the brightest, most sunny days will look like storm clouds and rain. I hate the thoughts that run through my head. I hate the fact that I'm 22 and I still think about killing myself even though I smile every day. I hate that I feel so alone even though I'm surrounded by people. I hate that I feel unloved, even though countless people love me. I hate that I feel like I'm not capable of being loved even though I have a fiance who would melt just because I smiled at him. I hate that I can't sleep without depression knocking on the door. I hate that I can't eat without depression asking to come in. And I hate that I've had this since I was 8 years old. No normal 8 year old tries to kill themselves because they feel useless and unneeded. I don't want to die, I just want to stop hurting. All I want to do is sleep.",-0.9944,negative,sad 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,listener_1,2,"I'm right there with you. Ive been up since 3am and it's now 5am. I can't help but think about old memories that shaped up to the person I hate being today. I used to be so full of life and carefree. All my friends, my family, and my SO claim to love me but I just can't believe that they would care for such an unworthy being such as myself. But you know what, I keep telling myself that there is another world behind all this and something good will come to all of this. You hang in there, friend. ",0.9621,positive,nostalgic 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,3,"You hang in there too, honey. We'll make it out of this <3 ",0.0,neutral,faithful 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,4,I know that feeling. I've been used as well and it's terrible. But the thing you have to remember is that person isn't worth your tears or sadness. They're not at all worth it. ,-0.7269,negative,agreeing 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,listener_2,5,"I feel you. I just got on r/depressed today and honestly it's already helped me understand more. Haven't gotten better, but I'm realizing what is true about needing to get better. ",0.8278,positive,agreeing 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,6,"Yes, he knows. He also has depression but he says since meeting me, his depression has lessened significantly. Mine has lessened in a sense, but it doesn't just...go away.",-0.7615,negative,impressed 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,listener_3,7,"oh wow you guys have something in common. probably more than that. But you know i've heard that when one person is going through something worse, it makes the other person feel a lot better. I don't know what I was going to use that information for. But anyways... I'm really curious about depression, can you tell me more about it? What are the thoughts that lead you to suicidal? Have you ever expierance something that made things a lot better. was that feeling temporary or permanent? Did depression ever made you do things that you normally wouldnt do? I know I lost my virginty to a prostitute and drank for the first time yesterderday. ",-0.9269,negative,questioning 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,8,"If you PM me, I can try to give you some insight. Not everyone suffers the same things during depression, though so if you were to ask someone else the same questions, you could get completely different answers. ",-0.2837,negative,suggesting 152,depressed,It's 3:14 AM right now.,speaker,9,I'm always here if you need to talk :) ,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 153,depressed,what to do next? I've been dealing with this depression for the entire year.,speaker,1,"It started last year when I first noticed that I am not happy. I thought it could be the failing marriage, but it could also be the dead end job that I've been working at for years. It's just getting worst. Lately, I've been crying first thing in morning and cry myself to sleep. I can stay in bed all day if I let myself to. Yoga and /r/theXeffect worked for a few weeks. But I'm now back to crying and not getting up in the morning. What I can do?",-0.9837,negative,sad 153,depressed,what to do next? I've been dealing with this depression for the entire year.,listener_1,2,Try 8 years of depression friend,-0.128,negative,sad 153,depressed,what to do next? I've been dealing with this depression for the entire year.,listener_2,3,"I've spent a lot of time listening to Alan watts, very clever man!",0.5551,positive,impressed 154,depressed,I don't know where to post this.,speaker,1,"I'm sorry for my lack of formatting as I'm typing on my phone. I don't know where to post this, but I feel sad and need to vent and I don't know where to go. For the past 8 years I've felt depressed. I've felt suicidal and I've had thoughts of suicide and even attempted it once (only to fail by breaking down and crying and just giving up on it). I'm almost 19, I have a decent job, I've got a girlfriend who says she loves me but I just can't believe it anymore. I used to be a kid with awful anger, I used to just be mad all the time, I would set off for absolutely no reason and I would just be a little crap basket. I began to finally grow up and out of it when I got into middle school but I have to fight it every day, just to stay calm. I can't take medicine for it because it will get worse, and I freak out over medicine anyway (pills frighten me). I find myself going through a random depression every now and then as I got older but over the last 3 years its only gotten worse, and its beginning to strain my relationship with my girlfriend of two years, my friends and family. I don't know what to do and when I go to bed at night I can't sleep because I get really scared for no reason. For the past three nights I've been scared to sleep because of nightmares or just being scared for no reason. My anger is getting worse, its getting hard to deal with people (which sucks because I work in a very friendly-type of environment, kinda like retail I guess) and its affecting my performance at my work. I'm scared and don't know what to do, and I'm scared of asking for help because I'll feel weak. I only want to be strong. I don't want to be laughed at anymore. I don't want to be scared. I'm sorry if this doesn't make any sense. I can't help it when I ramble sometimes and I'm on my phone typing and I can't format well at the moment of writing.. I'm sorry. Thank you for anyone who listened.. ",-0.9985,negative,ashamed 154,depressed,I don't know where to post this.,listener_1,2,"From personal experience with people very close to me who have gone through very hard times was that they all had this mentality that pushing through it on your own was the only way to do it and that no help from any one let alone a professional was needed. The hardest step to ending this depression which must seem like forever is taking that first step. You definitely want help, being the reason you've posted on here and that's perfectly normal! There is no weakness involved in that all, in fact it would be quite the opposite for you to be able to express how you feel to, at times a large audience. I urge you, just give a professional a chance :) I hope your feeling abit better today as compared to when you posted this.",0.9432,positive,agreeing 154,depressed,I don't know where to post this.,speaker,3,"Thank you. I'm trying and I feel a little better but I'm still very sad. I will try to push through and seek for help... I just don't know if I can, let alone afford it. ",-0.2467,negative,sad 155,depressed,I don't know. I just don't know.,speaker,1,"Hey everyone. I'm a 17 years old frenchie, and I've been starting to get very anxious since I was 9. I still am, and this hasn't changed a bit since then. I keep biting off my finger's skin, I'm litterally scared of going to school or other public places because there are way too many people which makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, and never had a girlfriend. There very most likely are other people like me posting here to get some attention - but most importantly, help - so I'll just join. Shortly after I realized something was wrong with me, I started to want a girlfriend, because I needed someone which I could tell everything, I could hug, that loved me and that I could love. I've always been extremely shy when talking to girls. It justs makes me want to disappear instantly, to a place where nobody is. I just feel awkward. A couple of years ago, I met a girl that always felt very special to me. She loved japanese culture, she was funny, intelligent, and the list goes on. I was interested in her, but I didn't really love her. Exactly three months ago, I graduated to a new school. And she was still here. And I don't know why, but I suddenly felt very attracted to her, just like if I was in love. But as I said, I've always been very awkward with girls, so I never really had the courage (I guess) to go talk to her and eventually ask her her phone number. A couple of days ago, she litterally walked up to me, started talking and gave me her number. I was really happy and excited to see what would happen next, knowing that I haven't really talked to her in months. I waited for the evening to come to start texting her because I didn't want to feel like a creep to her; I really, really didn't want to fuck this up. Not this time. When I realized I just did because I noticed that I wasn't really entertaining her or making her feel special through my texts, I just stepped up my efforts, I started looking for texting tips on the internet, stumbled across really interesting things. Took me a couple of hours to find them though. I then made rules out of these tips that I think would be useful. That was two days ago. And I still felt like she wasn't getting entertained by my texts, and here I am, asking for help. I'm lost, I don't know what to do to get her attention, to get a tiny chance to actually be successful with this girl. And now I'm litterally thinking about all of this everytime. I feel like I'm under stress 24/7. I want to be with her, but I just feel like she'll never accept me. I feel like she just doesn't care about me. I'm always the one that sends the first text, she's often always the one that ends the conversation. I feel like a piece of crap to her, and this makes me feel really fucking depressed. I sent her a desperate text message saying that I was really sorry if I annoyed her by texting her--she didn't answer. I've sent it two hours ago, about 30 minutes after her last message. Please. For the love of god, I need help. I'm lost. Update : I got friendzoned. Definitly. I guess I'll just skip on her then... I'm feeling much better now that I don't have to worry about this anymore. Kinda feels like a liberation. ",0.9983,positive,afraid 155,depressed,I don't know. I just don't know.,listener_1,2,"You could each ask questions about each other, having a turn each. Ask her to go on dates with you: go to the park, or the movies. But if you feel unsure about her feelings towards you, I think you should ask her. Be confronting to her and be honest. If she doesn't like the 'real' you (since she didn't find you entertaining), the best choice is to just move on. Trust me, you'll be happier. I was in a similar situation with you last year - I asked my friends for help and they all said that I would be much, much happier if I've moved on. I never wanted to but after a couple of months I realised I had to, and so I did. Now life is so much better. I hope this helped - good luck!",0.9921,positive,trusting 155,depressed,I don't know. I just don't know.,speaker,3,"Thanks a lot for trying to help, but I got friendzoned a few hours ago. Definitly. I guess I'll just skip on her then... I'm feeling much better now that I don't have to worry about this anymore. Kinda feels like a liberation.",0.9238,positive,content 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,speaker,1,"I've been born and raised here... 20 years old. I grew up loving westernized culture and languages. This made me a little different from others, maybe a bit too much. The injustice that happens here... the corruptions, oppressed society and women have little rights. (male here) the animal cruelty, seeing a bunch of Saudi's tie a goat to their car and go drifting. The no-dating zone... I can't handle this. I can't handle the poor education thats provided in university. But what I can't handle the most is... watching everyone else perfectly happy about living here... my mind can't fathom this. Why... How... heck people even buy out their diploma or bachelor degrees (literally!) I just can't stand living with these people... I wish to travel to the western world such as America, I don't know if this is going to help with my depression or not... What made me break down in tears was yesterday.... when I went to a disco club for the first time... and I saw the shittiest sound speakers, the worst quality of music and selection, the amount of ugly prostitutes that people can't seem to stop humping... but mostly the joy they were having... How... and why.. are they having fun. this was the indication that just told me I don't belong here. I can't stand everything here. It was then nothing was more comforting then a thought of me stabbing myself to death and awaiting for what comes next. ",-0.7307,negative,disgusted 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,listener_1,2,People here in America (cali) are the same as clubs too. Disrespectful to themselves and cheap hookups. But you should keep fighting and earn that education a right way not buying it and travel I'm sure you'd love it from where you're from compared to America it is very different but also has it's flaws. I'm not good with words but I hope you the best and wish you luck finding happiness. Don't give up,0.9808,positive,wishing 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,speaker,3,"Thanks a lot, I won't",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,speaker,4,"that's the only conclusion I came up with, or maybe its the best experience they could ever think of.",0.6369,positive,suggesting 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,listener_2,5,"Exactly. They might be rich with oil money, but they still can't leave their country to go to a better place on account of how Arabs are very family oriented and can't leave their country, how Arabs dislike western (free-er) countries, and how they don't even know how to speak English because it is not taught very well in public schools. That's three reasons that me and you can't fathom and what makes people like me and you wanting to leave the Arab world. ",0.557,positive,angry 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,speaker,6,"hmm yeah, my twin brother doesn't understand those reasons, he's one of the ""if you cant beat em then join em"" Anyways when I said I plan to leave the arab world. I meant it. Im only looking for opportunities, maybe find a way to study abroad hopefully with a scholarship. My parent's arent fond of this idea, they're the only ones holding me back. What about you? Why can't you make your escape? ",0.7994,positive,questioning 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,listener_2,7,"same as yours, the mindset of most arabs are very toxic. the mindset of most male arabs that i know are, finish high school, join the military. **THEY HAVE NO FUCKING AMBITION** this makes me want to escape.",0.0688,positive,agreeing 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,listener_3,8,"Hi mate, recently met a friend from egypt here in California, reminded me a bit of you. What he told me and I would like to pass on to you is this: in America accreditation is everything. So what I would suggest doing is create a plan to get your accreditations in a field of study either at home or abroad and focus on how these goals will help you move and achieve other things. That's my view at least! Good luck stay safe, reddit friend.",0.9674,positive,wishing 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,speaker,9,"I know right?! no ambitions at all! If i were to tell a typical Arab, I'm studying Japanese... he'd look at me like Im super crazy or weird. here's a conversation I heard between a student and a student helper. ""Hi, you might want to take Biology, its a interesting course."" -""Does the professor give easy grades?"" DO YOU NOT WANT TO LEARN?! lets look at another scenario. I want to buy a manual car! ""are you crazy? why do you want to tire yourself?"" Oh look you bought a new TV! can't set it up? ""yes, let me call friend"" HOW ABOUT READING THE FREAKING MANUAL? I means theres just a lot more... people here try to find the most laziest and highest paid jobs... everyones just lazy here, lazy to work, lazy to study, and lazy to read. ",-0.7857,negative,surprised 156,depressed,living in the middle-east have gave me suicidal thoughts.,listener_2,10,Fucking yes! ,0.5081,positive,agreeing 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,speaker,1,"I moved away from everyone I know a few months ago. I still have no job, no friends, and lots of rejections. All my dates have canceled on me. I really don't know how much more of this I can deal with. My dad killed himself, maybe I should do the same....",-0.8877,negative,lonely 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,listener_1,2,"I can only speak for myself. Maybe it can give you some hope. I was brought up really religious, at least for European standards. I slipped into depression, lost religion, lost all my friends, had trouble with my family, dropped out of university. That together with suicidal thoughts, yea not the best place to be in. But after a good year things got better. I did some sports, was getting a job and now i am training for a profession. I kind of changed spontaneously. I even made two or three friends, even thou it took quite a long time. What i want to say is: Don't give up yet. Loneliness is one of the hardest things to deal with in life. But it can change. Loosing your dad is, i can only imagine, even harder. You have probably lost pretty much all. Maybe you can make a new start of it. PM me if you want/need to talk, i would be happy to hear from you. Hpe you get better. ",0.9373,positive,hopeful 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,listener_1,3,"i suspect it is the latter. I think i am fucked up and so is the world, at least compared to the standards i have constructed. To become happy i think i got to accept it and still try to work on it. ",-0.0772,negative,neutral 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,listener_1,4,"maybe, but for me just accepting isn't enough. i need something to work for. to look up to. even if it turns out to be meaningless. Does that make sense? ",-0.1154,negative,suggesting 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,listener_1,5,"If you make your life goal to become a more happy person, it's maybe not that bad. To set other goals on the way to achieve it, doesn't sound that bad. ",0.8655,positive,suggesting 157,depressed,Don't know if I can keep going,listener_1,6,you mean it's impossible? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 158,depressed,Suicide chat lines any help?,speaker,1,"Suicide chat lines don't seem to be working out. They seem to generic with any answers when I talk to them saying stuff like ""oh sounds like you have a lot on your plate. Anything else bothering you?"" I don't know how to explain it but it's just you talking your feelings out to a wall instead of them helping. I don't want to go go a counselor cause I cry and can't get out my words what to say and don't want to tell them how I want to die and kill myself. So I'm wondering is there anywhere else I can return to? I can't really do hotlines cause my SO would hear me on the phone and I can't tell her how depressed and desperate I am to talk to someone. She tries helping but to be honest we aren't good and I know she's sticking around cause she feels bad also she would leave me saying these thoughts cause she knows she's a big problem in my life. I don't mean to ramble on but god I need help and I can't find it anywhere. I want to give up so bad. I can't even turn anywhere anymore why can't I give up ",-0.9853,negative,apprehensive 158,depressed,Suicide chat lines any help?,listener_1,2,"Hey, I just saw your message. Feel free to rant to me in a PM. I've worked as a counsellor so maybe I can help? ",0.5574,positive,suggesting 158,depressed,Suicide chat lines any help?,speaker,3,Thanks man it means a lot,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 158,depressed,Suicide chat lines any help?,listener_1,4,Not at all. How are you feeling?,0.128,positive,questioning 159,depressed,I'm running out of patience,speaker,1,"I just spent the last hour crying into my pillow screaming ""I want to go home"". I'm almost 30 and live at home, I left my fiancé because it was a toxic relationship but I'm still paying for the apartment. We started talking again and it seems she's actually much better off now that I'm gone, she has a new job and tons of new friends. We've started to spend time together again and it's clear we still have feelings for one another but I'm scared it will go back to the way it was. I quit my job to go back to school but i failed so now I only work on weekends to pay for an apartment I don't live in. Every time I clock in I can't help but think of why I'm there, because I failed in school, I failed as a boyfriend and I've failed as a human. There were so many possibilities and i blew them all. I wasted most of my twenties and I literally have nothing to show for it. I have a degree in fucking history which means nothing, I'm overweight and i pay for dates I can't afford with women I don't like to distract me from the pain. I vastly turned down my level of drinking about a year ago and I only smoke a little pot but now everything is too real. There is too much time now. Every moment feels like forever. I have all the time to devote to something constructive yet I can't even get myself out of bed most days. December has been better but not by much. I feel like a child. I feel alone. I feel like the only person that understands me is the woman I left. I want to go home right now. It may not be the best thing to do and I may not feel the same when I wake up in the morning, but right now - I want to go home. ",-0.9424,negative,lonely 159,depressed,I'm running out of patience,speaker,2,I'm starting to think 30 years is long enough. I've been unhappy for pretty much as long as I can remember and have managed to push through. I have fleeting moments of contentment or happiness but I never stays and is never pure. ,0.5023,positive,content 159,depressed,I'm running out of patience,listener_1,3,"Hey mate, chin up. I noticed you said you smoke a little pot, well if you got it sativa is great for depression. When you smoke think about something that upsets you that's IN YOUR CONTROL. For me, I felt a little fat so I went for a half hour run. Still feel good from it. Take care best of luck.",0.9189,positive,wishing 159,depressed,I'm running out of patience,speaker,4,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 159,depressed,I'm running out of patience,speaker,5,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 160,depressed,What the fuck do I do?,speaker,1,"Flunked my 3rd semester at college, getting kicked out. I dont give a shit enough to get a job or study or do anything except sit inside playing video games and drinking. My friends dont seem to care about me, parents are growing appart by the day (all because of me). Im 18 years old, but with the mentality of a 9 year old. I cant work because I never had to. Im at a stop. I cant keep living the way I am because Ill probably kill myself. I just dont know what the fuck to do. Im an 18 year old child.",-0.9578,negative,ashamed 160,depressed,What the fuck do I do?,listener_1,2,"Hey, I'm in like exactly the same position as you. If you want to work together just hit me a pm",0.4215,positive,agreeing 160,depressed,What the fuck do I do?,listener_2,3,Same here. Mario kart?! ,0.0,neutral,questioning 161,depressed,I'm just skinny,speaker,1,"I suck at writing so I'm just going to put it out there. I am really skinny, I try to gain weight but I can't. This, of course, prevents me from being confident around girls, being one of the guys, and acting normal around everyone else. All my friends work out and talk about how much they can lift, but I'm too weak. It seems like everyone else is just so calm and collected and I'm just a mess looking to fit in. I don't really know why I'm writing this, I want other people to feel sorry for me I guess. Is that a dick thing to do? I'm don't know if i am even depressed or not but I know that I'm bummed out about my life so far. I am only fifteen, and there isn't a lot of pressure on me but it feels like I'm carrying a ton of bricks on my shoulders. I can't really take compliments. I think that when people say nice things to me it's total bs. Anyways, I just wanted to rant. Thanks for reading this.",0.7462,positive,ashamed 161,depressed,I'm just skinny,listener_1,2,"Hey, I struggled with this most of my life. Some people just can't gain weight but trust me it's better than the alternative. First, girls will like you if you are funny and not nervous around them, despite you being skinny. I know this is a tall order and not easy to just do but wanted to make you aware of that. Second, you shouldn't be lifting weights at 15 anyways. Here is what you should do. Start at some number of push-ups and do them every other night. Start somewhere between 5 and 10. Then add 1 to the count every week. If you can't go up that week, stick with the number and go up 1 the next week. If you can't even do a push-up, look up how to do push-ups from your knees. It seems like your depressed but it's based off a self-image issue. Your luck that you can fix this and maybe not at 15 but you will probably be able to add muscle at some point. I hope I helped and I can give you more tips if you want. Edit: you can also ask /r/fitness about this. I'm sure they have plans for kids your age that can't add any strength.",0.9658,positive,confident 161,depressed,I'm just skinny,speaker,3,Should I be doing 5-10 a night this week or 5-10 in total for the week?:D,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 161,depressed,I'm just skinny,speaker,4,I'm going to start the push-up thing. Thanks a lot! :D ,0.8034,positive,wishing 161,depressed,I'm just skinny,listener_1,5,5-10 a night and do that 3-4 nights a week.,0.0,neutral,questioning 162,depressed,Firefighter...first time a call really hit me,speaker,1,"I don't know what it is or what I feel. But I had a call today where had 2 patients one completely ripped open, something out of a horror film and the other patient is the gf. She was stable. I don't know whether it was the gruesome trauma to the chest or the fact that the gf kept calling out for her bf and asking me if she's ok. And not knowing that he's dead. I'm just in a weird mental state right now ",-0.9428,negative,terrified 162,depressed,Firefighter...first time a call really hit me,listener_1,2,"Keep your head up brother! ""Theses things we do so that others my live.""",0.0,neutral,agreeing 162,depressed,Firefighter...first time a call really hit me,listener_2,3,You guys are doing angels work.,0.0,neutral,neutral 162,depressed,Firefighter...first time a call really hit me,speaker,4,Thank you very much. It means a lot to me. Those small meaningful remarks make me proud of what I do. And keeps me moving forward,0.7845,positive,grateful 163,depressed,"Happiness is temporary, depression is permanent.",speaker,1,In my experience at least.,0.0,neutral,neutral 163,depressed,"Happiness is temporary, depression is permanent.",listener_1,2,I been trying to explain this to people.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 163,depressed,"Happiness is temporary, depression is permanent.",speaker,3,Having a job stresses me too much and there is no carrier path I'm interested in.,-0.3612,negative,lonely 164,depressed,Guys please watch this video. Hope it helps :),speaker,1,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hzvT0vy5cjE,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 164,depressed,Guys please watch this video. Hope it helps :),listener_1,2,"Honestly, this guy is a quack.",0.4588,positive,disgusted 164,depressed,Guys please watch this video. Hope it helps :),speaker,3,um..I don't think so..watch other videos ,0.0,neutral,neutral 164,depressed,Guys please watch this video. Hope it helps :),listener_1,4,"Dude, his two main claims are that almost all depressed people somehow make themselves depressed for attention, and that you won't get sick from an infection *no matter how severe* if you have the right state of mind. Both of these are complete and utter bullshit.",-0.8809999999999999,negative,angry 164,depressed,Guys please watch this video. Hope it helps :),speaker,5,Yeah..no. I suggest you watch entirely what he has to say,0.0,neutral,agreeing 165,depressed,"No one really knows this, but I feel so shit about life at the moment....",speaker,1,"Hi, You don't know me but I am 18 and my name is Jack and I feel so shit. I haven't been eating much at all, I also have a lot on my mind. So the first thing is that I will be leaving to go to University soon and that means leaving family and friends behind and I just hate the thought of going somewhere where I don't know anyone or have my family to support me :( I know it sounds like I need to grow up but it's how I feel. Another thing is that I am in love with a girl and hse is in love with me and I can't be with her because she went out with a really close friend and it makes me feel shit that there is someone thta loves me but I can't be with them and it depresses me. I also had a friend who committed suicide 3 years ago and I have been thinking about it more than ever recently and I keep feeling like I might go down the same road. I say to everyone that I am feeling fine but that is just so they stop worrying about me. I am also very self concious and I always think of what other people think of me and most of it is negative so I just think really bad about myself. I'm not over weight, I am a good weight for my age and height according to a piece of paper but I feel so different to that. This may sound like keep going on but it's what is going on around my head at the moment .. sorry ",0.4837,positive,sad 165,depressed,"No one really knows this, but I feel so shit about life at the moment....",listener_1,2,"Jack, there's nothing wrong with being afraid or nervous when facing something new. I've been doing the same job for 22 years and I still am reticent when sent somewhere new amongst people I do not know. So if you need to grow up, I suppose I do as well and I'm more than twice your age. Also in today's technological world, distance doesn't matter as much and reaching out to your loved ones when you need it is so much easier than when I first left home. Love is hard sometimes and for a relationship to truly work out you need to meet the right person at the right time. You can meet your soulmate but if it's not the right time in your lives then it will not work. When it comes to suicide, for me, forgiveness was the biggest help. Not only forgiving the person who committed suicide but also forgiving yourself. Just remember it was their choice and theirs alone. Even if your current state of mind parallels theirs at the time of death does not mean you need to make the same choice. One of the hardest things I've ever done is admitting I had a mental health problem and needed help. That was nearly 12 years ago and the only regret I have is not seeking help sooner. Also, keep in mind how you put on a face like nothing is wrong, other people are as well. You just never know. Hell, look at Robin Williams, that shocked many, many people. Keep in mind the university may offer some services that are helpful with the transition and just talking in general. You will not be the only one there who feels this way. Self-confidence is one of my struggle areas but I guarantee people do not think as negatively about you as you think they do. I still have to remind myself from time to time about that. Keeping relatively healthy and active is important. I've been physically injured, unable to do much and I find these are the times my depression is at its worst. I just take it easy when coming back from injury and not overdo it like I have previously. These are just my observations with dealing with my issues and what has worked for me may not work for you. Keep trying until you find what helps. My last advice is to never be sorry for sharing how you feel. I wish you the best and hopefully soon you won't feel as overwhelmed as you do now. ",0.9398,positive,apprehensive 165,depressed,"No one really knows this, but I feel so shit about life at the moment....",speaker,3,Seriously that whole reply made me smile. You are a great person and I respect you greatly just reading that made me feel better within and you yourself should feel proud that you have just helped someone think about what they are thinking and doing. But thank you once again it really does mean alot that you took your own time to help me <3 much respect xx,0.9581,positive,neutral 166,depressed,"For any one feeling alone, this really is worth a read.",speaker,1,"http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6384062 Wether you're living with depression or love someone who is, this can be really eye opening. ",0.128,positive,neutral 166,depressed,"For any one feeling alone, this really is worth a read.",listener_1,2,"That you for this, I enjoyed that. ",0.5106,positive,neutral 166,depressed,"For any one feeling alone, this really is worth a read.",speaker,3,You're welcome. I was hoping some one could find some help in it. ,0.8176,positive,sympathizing 166,depressed,"For any one feeling alone, this really is worth a read.",listener_2,4,First time in this sub. I made it to point 9 before turning into a puddle. ,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 166,depressed,"For any one feeling alone, this really is worth a read.",listener_3,5,Unfortunately... I was the same,-0.34,negative,devastated 167,depressed,profound aloneness of adulthood.,speaker,1,"single male human living in large city. separated from family, as encouraged by societal norm. good financial and physical health. good and kind person. surrounded by other humans. yet, alone. feeling so profoundly alone in the universe. an atom among a sea. was it always this way? i've done well to quiet this familiar ache. was it inevitable? where does this path lead? can i turn back, or escape? or will this remain for my blink of consciousness? i honestly don't know.",0.9198,positive,lonely 167,depressed,profound aloneness of adulthood.,listener_1,2,Do u have a pet?,0.0,neutral,questioning 167,depressed,profound aloneness of adulthood.,speaker,3,nope. not permitted in my apt building.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 167,depressed,profound aloneness of adulthood.,listener_2,4,"ehhh.... I say working part time would feel more rewarding. ""It's not about the pay."" I would love to use that line somewhere, lol. Pets are overrated. They don't fill the human contact need. A journal is great, but again, doesn't fill the human contact need. ",0.8198,positive,acknowledging 167,depressed,profound aloneness of adulthood.,listener_3,5,"You gotta get out to places that are new experiences; you'll meet new people, and you could always travel? Even exercise helps the mood. You'll feel better about trying knew things. ",0.6705,positive,hopeful 168,depressed,How do I cope? What are the right steps?,speaker,1,"I experienced a traumatic car accident when my boyfriend and I were hit by a drunk and/or further intoxicated driver in 2011. I was hospitalized for four months due to severe burn injuries on 42% of my body. My boyfriend, was declared dead on impact. I was obviously incoherent, so a lot of that night was and is a mystery. Multiple witnesses and civilians tried to help get me out of the car, but my door was stuck, according to the accounts of these people, but somehow after people were losing their hopes to save me, the door just popped open and my arm hung out. A civilian man pulled me out, and I've been back to the site multiple times and made several phone calls to thank the people who saved me; all of whom broke down in tears to see me alive and well. Yes, I have evident burn scars, and yes, the fingers on my left hand were amputated, but I am so thankful for my life because my late boyfriend no longer has his. I am now engaged to a great, loving and supportive man, but this incident still... haunts me... I don't know how to explain it. I've not had therapy for it, but I'm looking into it now. My question is, is there anything I can do to cope with this? How shall I untangle the mess in my brain regarding this particular incident in my life? ",0.9878,positive,terrified 168,depressed,How do I cope? What are the right steps?,listener_1,2,"Some of the vets I've watched videos online were about PTSD. They talk about how talking about it hurts, the first, second, fifth time. But it eventually gets easier and much better to talk about it, then to keep it inside. I think therapy is a great idea. Get your concerns out there and start the talking process. Keeping it in just causes more damage then good. Hope this helps in anyway. Here is one of the videos I am referring to. http://youtu.be/b0Q1cK9B41s?t=18m45s",0.9633,positive,caring 169,depressed,Just need to tell/talk to someone about this,speaker,1,"Hey guys, so I'm 18 and me and my girlfriend had been together for a year and some change before last night when my whole world came crashing down. Now , we go to college in different states so we resorted to face timing a lot, we broke up and then started talking again over Christmas break. She has this friend at her school who insists he just wanted to be friends and was oblivious things seemed to be going great just 3 days ago she called me drunk and said she loved me and blah blah blah, well after that night, for the past 3 days she randomly starts ignoring me then yesterday she says that the distance is too hard( which we've had problems with ) and says she's trying to distance herself, and I just tell her to please listen to me. Of course she didn't answer and , as I found out through snap chat, she attended a wine party at a frat with her friend ( same friend, he's in the frat). I see a lot of snaps of her with him and then nothing after awhile. In the morning I talk to her and she tells me after tons of questioning that they fucked. Now, I'm crushed because she was my best friend and the thing I care about the most in the world. It used to go both ways, but since we broke up the first time her feelings haven't been the same which she just tells me. Of course, she uses the argument that technically we weren't dating but she was still leading me on hardcore. I called her after she admitted what she did and I talked and just kept asking how she could do this and she said she's been wanting to move on but at the same time can't cuz she still eventually , maybe after a couple of years, will want to marry me or something. Half of me wants to leave and never talk to her again, but the other half (although more than 2/3) of me wants to try and talk it out and knows that if I just walk away I'll die of anxiety wondering what she's doing. Of course I've been so depressed and she's usually the one I talk to this about so my friends here have just been patting me on the back and such, not knowing how to deal. She says that feelings have diminished but she still cares and loves me, but is just conflicted and is holding me like a fish on a line. I really wanna and need to talk to her but I don't want to seem weak, I just really wanna hash it out but it will be so hard to forgive her since I cringe at the thought of her with another guy. I need your guys' help, what do I do?! Ps: the same-ish thing happened 6 months ago, in highschool she talked to another guy while we dated and left, of course I was sorta flirting with some other girl, but never would have left her. Anyways, we kept talking after and she realized it was a mistake two weeks in and cried on the phone and came back. Now I love her, but at times she is very very oblivious and so dumb when it comes to relationships and I really just want to fix her cuz I'm the first guy she's actually ever loved and she means the world to me. Help.",0.9355,positive,surprised 169,depressed,Just need to tell/talk to someone about this,listener_1,2,"You have every right to feel the trade. You were betrayed. That doesn't mean that she doesn't mean what she's saying. Maybe she will want to marry you, after she has shown her oats and made every mistake she can make to realize that you are the one. I believe, you deserve more than that. You don't need someone who wants to be with you only after being with everyone they want to be with, and then realize what a great guy/girl, you deserve someone that knows how great you are, from the get-go. Maybe you marry this girl and get divorced, and then realize what I'm telling you is true, or you heed my advice and see that what I said was true in a few years or months. I wish you all the best, and either way you can contact me if you need any further help, support, or anything else.",0.9652,positive,jealous 169,depressed,Just need to tell/talk to someone about this,speaker,3,"Thanks, man. I haven't talked to her in two weeks so im doing my best, but really, thanks for the kind words:)",0.9252,positive,wishing 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,1,"hey yeah, this is my first post here, my friend wanted me to create an account for my depressed crisis. So yeah... I keep cutting and being scared and i want to die but im such a coward and i'm so fucking sad and scared all the time and i don't have anyone to talk about this with. I know it's bad but i lied to my therapist about my suicidal thoughts and so he thinks I'm perfectly fine and that i even quitted cutting when i just get worst everyday. It's just a hard thing to talk about especially when i know he'll tell everything to my parents... Yeah, i'm just feeling alone and helpless rn....",-0.9889,negative,ashamed 170,depressed,I need help,listener_1,2,"<3 I don't know if I can help but feel free to speak with me, I'm kinda lonely and want to talk to someone. ",0.5489999999999999,positive,apprehensive 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,3,"I'm sorry for the late answer, i just don't log in often:/ But thank you sososo much and it would be a pleasure to help you <3",0.9136,positive,sympathizing 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,4,I'm 15 that's why I'm not sure :/,0.0191,neutral,apprehensive 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,5,"Thank you so much for sharing what you're going through, it helps me to know that someone is going through a hard time too :/ And you are right, it should be confidential if they want me to say what's on my mind so i think i'll ask my therapist about this. And what do you mean by a partial hospitalization program? Thank you so much, it really helps me:) If you ever need to talk, message me, i'll log in more often by now",0.8766,positive,acknowledging 170,depressed,I need help,listener_2,6,"Finding the right therapist is the right thing. If s/he can't see past the lies, you need to find someone else.",-0.4215,negative,faithful 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,7,"You are right, but i am seeing one that comes at my school so students who need him don't have to go to his clinic so it's practical and if I have a crisis during class, i can go and see him (even though it costs a lot) so even if that's not really the ''one for me'', it reassures me to know that i can go see a professional during school",-0.5267,negative,agreeing 170,depressed,I need help,speaker,8,"I have a hard relationship with my parents, there is no trust or complicity at all and even though we are working on that during a family therapy, i don't feel close to them. I know i should talk to them but it doesn't feel right to me.",-0.2619,negative,lonely 170,depressed,I need help,listener_3,9,"I don't know what the relationship is with your parents, but admitting how you are feeling, even a little, is a good step for both of you. ",0.6375,positive,trusting 171,depressed,my life sucks,speaker,1,"I'm 17yo dude. I have 2 friends in high school, i have bad grades, I'm really quite, i'm ugly, and im really stupid. I dont know what im going to do after highschool. I feel like im just letting the years go by and Im doing nothing. I really need some encouraging words...",-0.4159,negative,lonely 171,depressed,my life sucks,listener_1,2,You can always start your own business or pick up programming to create apps. There is always something for everyone to do. And don't worry about having more than a few friends. People with lots of friends feel just as lonely all of the time and wish for someone they could confide in.,0.8722,positive,lonely 171,depressed,my life sucks,speaker,3,already took java class and failed it,-0.5106,negative,ashamed 171,depressed,my life sucks,listener_2,4,"Well try again this time and don't give up, although it sounds like you're stuck in that mind set. Perhaps take a few tutorials on YouTube in making basic Java so you can show yourself that you can do it and then retake the course?",0.3818,positive,suggesting 172,depressed,Feeling Depressed,speaker,1,"I have been feeling really depressed today. Not sure why. It could be because I have a big test on Tuesday. Or because it's supposed to be a family holiday this weekend and I couldn't go home because I was studying for this test. Nothing really cheered me up today either. I played cards with my friends but that didn't help. I guess I really just needed to vent my feelings right now because I don't have anyone to do that with. I feel alone and that no one cares. I have grown up in a Christian family but right now religion doesn't seem to be helping at all. In church it is taught that Christ is supposed to fill that emptiness and lonesomeness. I even went to church on today but everyone there has there own friends and are happy together. I just feel like I'm on the outside. However, tomorrow I probably wont feel this way. I'll be my normal chipper self. Every couple days I feel this way and I wish i didn't. I try and make those around me happy by faking my own happiness. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. Just wanted to vent and say how I feel.",0.7759,positive,lonely 172,depressed,Feeling Depressed,listener_1,2,"We all have those days. You aren't alone. Do what feels best to you, and remember that tomorrow will be better. Good luck on your test. ",0.9292,positive,consoling 172,depressed,Feeling Depressed,speaker,3,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 172,depressed,Feeling Depressed,listener_1,4,Any time. ,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 173,depressed,I feel genetically inferior :(,speaker,1,"I'm 20 years old and I've been feeling really depressed recently. I used to play computer games at least 5 hours a day since I was 14 till 1 month ago. I feel really ugly, my face is a mess and my penis is just above what would be defined as a micropenis, my penis is also curved and I think I might have peyronies and also tight foreskin, I hate my penis, can't grow a proper beard, it's all patchy and looks like shit. I don't feel like I qualify for a man. I'm doing my conscription and it sucks I have no clue what I want to do in life, my grades were quite poor in upper secondary school so only a limited amount of doors open :(( I really don't want to go back to my obsessive gaming but I kind of feel like there's no place for me in the real world :/",-0.9346,negative,ashamed 173,depressed,I feel genetically inferior :(,listener_1,2,"Duuude! Whatareyoutalkingabout! Don't think like that mah fren. First of all, what really matters is what you think of yourself, not what you think you should look to the others. I mean, yes, it is important to have a balance in life (keep in shape, doing some exercises, eat well) but what mostly matters is your inner self. You maybe suffer from a little Dysphoria right now... But don't be like that! Think possitive and be possitive! You really feel bad about your penis? Really? That's not even a problem! Think of the peeps all around the globe that doesn't even have both legs!... I hope you think a little bit, and be more possitive about yourself! Ok? See you around fellow internetuser! :333",-0.7883,negative,jealous 173,depressed,I feel genetically inferior :(,speaker,3,my innerself suck cox :(,-0.7003,negative,angry 173,depressed,I feel genetically inferior :(,listener_1,4,Nope. I'm pretty sure it doesn't :),-0.7244,negative,agreeing 174,depressed,Can't take it anymore,speaker,1,I'm a 18 m who dropped out of grade 12 because I was lazy. Now I'm working at walmart with a broken heart because of a girl and feel like I have no friends all I do is work and go home to my computer I'm too shy to talk anyone and feel like I give nothing to this world. Today I actually did something by texting my mother and telling her I feel depressed probably one of the hardest things in my life to do just because of that I was crying in the bathroom at walmart. Just looking for something to encourage me at all. Still got 4 hours of my shift to go,-0.4685,negative,sentimental 174,depressed,Can't take it anymore,listener_1,2,"I'm in pretty much the same position, except I'm a few years older. It's really tough. I don't want to say what you should do, because it's impossible for me to say. I don't know what I'm doing either. You worked there long? Getting to know anyone? It's hard to speak to people, but you have to. You won't do anything unless you make yourself. Nobody is going to do it for you. You could always go back to school, earn a bit of money for a year or two and then go back. Let's face it, school was easier than work. Just whatever happens man, realise there's always options. And don't do anything stupid. Hope this isn't just patronising or stupid.",0.8109,positive,apprehensive 174,depressed,Can't take it anymore,speaker,3,I've been there for about 3 months now and I'm thinking of going to a school for adults because I need to work for rent. My mother said she'll take me to see someone tomorrow hopefully that helps I just telling someone I was depressed was the best thing to do might of been hard but at least it's looking for help.,0.7543,positive,trusting 174,depressed,Can't take it anymore,listener_1,4,"Cool. Keep trying, it's hard adjusting to work anyway. Yeah, just telling people helps. I hope you do better soon.",0.8885,positive,acknowledging 174,depressed,Can't take it anymore,speaker,5,Yeah todays the big day I'm truly scared but it's for the best I also messaged a old friend and we're hanging out tomorrow. Also started talking to a older guy at work he's dyslectic and a really nice guy.,0.9504,positive,apprehensive 175,depressed,Finally asked the woman I've been crushing on for years out...It failed...Miserably...,speaker,1,"After a year or two of crushing on this woman who is, by all means, perfect. She likes all the same stuff I do, she's just as socially awkward as me and we're a pretty good match I'd say...I finally asked her out today and she said ""I'm flattered but I'm already in a relationship. If I wasn't I would though."" Forever Alone. Starting to wish that my failed suicide attempt last year hadn't failed. This is pretty much my life in a nutshell. All the girls I ask out are always like ""I would, but..."" And then the girls that ask me out that I actually end up in a relationship with turn out to be horrible.",0.1909,positive,lonely 175,depressed,Finally asked the woman I've been crushing on for years out...It failed...Miserably...,listener_1,2,"This was me. I finally was able to force myself to not constantly pursue a relationship. About a year went by, and she finally found me. We are completely different in so many ways, but we connect based off experiences. Give it time, pursue what makes you happy, and the things you truly want in life will come. Hard to believe at first, but slowly change your mindset.",0.8674,positive,hopeful 175,depressed,Finally asked the woman I've been crushing on for years out...It failed...Miserably...,speaker,3,"Bleh, I've tried pursuing things that make me happy but they are all things that take time and dedication I do not have and after awhile they stop making me happy.",0.6808,positive,disappointed 175,depressed,Finally asked the woman I've been crushing on for years out...It failed...Miserably...,speaker,4,I've given up hope. Might as well accept the fact that I'm forever alone and just deal with it.,0.6808,positive,sad 176,depressed,My dream has been crushed. My life goal basically has been burned alive in front of me.,speaker,1,My life goal was to be a Chaplain in the Navy. My command lost a single piece of paper which resulted in me getting a General Discharge under honorable circumstances. Which means that I cannot go in as a chaplain. I've tried everything and so far there has been no hope whatsoever. I don't know what to do with myself. This is the only time in my life that I haven't felt direction from God. I feel lost. Also my wife and I have been arguing constantly because I have no idea what we are going to do with our lives and we are at a differing opinion of what we want. ,-0.6492,negative,devastated 176,depressed,My dream has been crushed. My life goal basically has been burned alive in front of me.,speaker,2,I don't even care if no one ever reads this. It did feel really good to talk about. I still feel awful though.,-0.5625,negative,ashamed 176,depressed,My dream has been crushed. My life goal basically has been burned alive in front of me.,speaker,3,I know its not the end of the road. I just have no idea where my road is going. And I had a similar experience. Except I already have a bachelors for this and am working on my masters. That's a lot of money I've spent.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,apprehensive 177,depressed,No hope,speaker,1,"Do you ever moment in your life where you realize everyone in your life doesn't believe in you anymore? Sure, they say that they support you 100% and you mean something more than words to them. They're full of it. They only say that to you to make you feel like you're everything and they appreciate your existence. I want to leave this world forever and never return. Not like anyone will remember me or anything because I'm nobody. Maybe my immediate family and boss would notice I'm gone, but no one would give a damn honestly. They've all said I'm someone who brightens their day everyday, but it quite isn't that way. When I went down the hall today at school, I tried to talk to someone I've known for years and they just pretended like I was just the thin air we were breathing. I guess this is what I'll be for the rest of my life. Just another face in the crowd that no one will want to interact with. It's okay that no one cares about me anymore. I've learned that being alone will probably be the solution to make myself worth while again. I just wish that I wasn't so smart because i know that self-infliction is wrong because I feel like this is the only way ease the pain of knowing that I am no one and will forever be this way. I guess you could say there is no hope for me left. I'm 20 and too old to try to put myself out there again like I did in my past, happy life. No one will accept me for who I am. It's hard putting on this mask in front of others, but I might as well grow use to it.",0.8488,positive,sad 177,depressed,No hope,listener_1,2,"Maybe they were having a bad day, or maybe they didn't notice you. I often don't look at the people around me unless they're right in front of me, I'm always looking at the ground when I walk, but I wouldn't purposely avoid someone. Maybe they're the same way. Otherwise, did you two end on bad terms? Whenever you talk to someone do conversations naturally end up towards depression? ",-0.9017,negative,questioning 177,depressed,No hope,speaker,3,"This person has always been positive no matter what they are going through. It surprised me that they were like this considering they really enjoy everyone who is around them. To answer your two questions: 1. I'm going to avoid everyone who I'm close to in order for to find myself and start over. 2. Lately, yes.",0.8983,positive,trusting 177,depressed,No hope,listener_2,4,x,0.0,neutral,agreeing 178,depressed,Here's a summary....,speaker,1,"Just recently burned a lot of bridges, didn't mean to, just happened. I'm in the second semester of my first year of college, probably going to drop out, if I do chances are I'm shooting myself. Don't make new friends, just keep on loosing the old ones. Barely sleep at night, can't focus... all that cliché stuff. It just feels so bad inside my own skin these days. I wanna cry but I can't and the pressure just keeps building in the back of my skull. People say I should try my best but I hardly have the energy of drive anymore. I'm 18 for fuck's sake, nothing particularly bad has happened to me. Just an existence numbing nothingness where all I can do is listen to my bones creak. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck . That is all.",-0.962,negative,sad 178,depressed,Here's a summary....,listener_1,2,I fell bad of I upvote things like this because I feel bad for you,-0.6705,negative,guilty 178,depressed,Here's a summary....,speaker,3,"Thanks for the advice. The sleep thing is really becoming an issue so I should check that out first. I'm not keen to making new friends, all my current friends and classmates tell me I look scary and unapproachable, I don't see how because I'm a small guy. My project members barely talk to me, which is odd because I always have to tell them what to do and end up doing most of the work. I'm not uncomfortable talking to people, I think people are uncomfortable talking to me. Whew, nice vent. Off to manga land until I can finally fatigue myself to sleep.",0.4356,positive,apprehensive 178,depressed,Here's a summary....,listener_2,4,"I've been there. I had a back/neck injury a few years ago that caused so much pain I couldn't sleep and barely could walk or stand. I didn't get more than a couple hours of sleep a night for almost a year. I started feeling depressed, I was apathetic. It was awful. People don't really understand what lack of good sleep can do to a person. You are right, get that checked. If you can get on the mend from the sleep debt you have, other things will start getting better. ",-0.9126,negative,sad 179,depressed,Hi. Am I a loser?,speaker,1,"Hi. This is posted through mobile so grammatical errors may be frequent. A little bit of back story: I am 16 and live in rural Canada. I do not have a drivers liscense even though I have gone at least 20 times. I have severe athsma and cannot play sports or go outside in the spring or fall. I dont have a single friend in my 100 person highschool and get constantly bullied because of my size (Im 5'8 and 105 pounds) and my passion for gaming and computers in general. The fun nicknames I have recieved are ""Smeagle, Golem ,Gremlin ,That fucking nerd that faps to computers"" My father yells at me to be physically active then berates me when I collapse from an athsma attack. I do not go to parties or any long distance friends. Just the guys i meet playing counter strike. I dread going to school for fear of being bullied more and have been yelled at by my father for ""Crying like a pussy"" I don't know what I should do with my life anymore. Highschool made it so that I cant even be around other people without going into a panic. Any advice on how to deal with this would be appreciated. Thanks.",-0.9308,negative,ashamed 179,depressed,Hi. Am I a loser?,listener_1,2,"Hi, No you are not a loser. The people who pick on you are. You are going through some growing pains. We all had to do it, but that dude that started shaving in 5th grade plays every sport is king of the school, while people likeyou and me were in the chess club. Also, a school with only a 100 people? That is a small group to pick from. I was just about one of the smallest kids in my highschool of 1,000. I kept in touch with the other small kids. I was a swimmer though, and I joined the Lacrosse Team, I was the worst Lacrosse player in the school. I gained my height and fully matured in colege, I went from being a peanut to over 6 ft and 185 lbs in a short time. I ended up with the exact same physique as my Dad who played college football, and did some try outs for pro. The other small kids went through growth spurts, one of them went through a muscle body building phase and now runs marathons. Him and me were walking bags of allergies when we were younger. Your Dad is right about the exercise, go get some. But make a deal with your Dad, he has to buy you some weights and some gear, and never criticise you again. You can lift weights with asthma. You can also try to develop your lung capacity little by little in small increments. A 5 minute run does a lot of good. Also you have to make a deal with yourself. It's okay to suck at stuff! Every sucked at one time. Everyone sucks at stuff, so don't be hard on yourself. Go suck at some stuff! Join a club or activity that you feel okay about. Here is what you aren't realizing, everyone at your age is freaking out. That is why it is so awkward to talk and make friends. Give people second chances. So, no, you are not a loser. You are a typical teenager. As a highschool teacher I would look out across a classroom of students and facepalm every day. All nincompoops every one.",0.8426,positive,jealous 179,depressed,Hi. Am I a loser?,speaker,3,Thanks. Ive been saving money for an exercise machine although the closest place of employment is 20 kilometres away. As for the running. I honestly try but get caught up in video games. My computer has become a safe spot away from the mental stress of day to day life. Ive become dependent on it to just wash away and make me forget all of the issues that I deal with on a day to day basis. Thanks for not looking at this post and laughing. <3,0.872,positive,content 179,depressed,Hi. Am I a loser?,listener_1,4,"Free weights and dumbbells are really cheap, and you can do a lot with them. You can also just crank out a bunch of push ups and crunches. You would be surprised in the improvement. It's okay to use your computer as a way to unwind. High School sucks for everyone. I would never laugh. I had a bunch of older brothers who teased me and kids at school. They also misbehaved in class. So on my first day, I had a squad of baseball players and basketball players literlly hunting me. Going into the bathroom, or a locker room, or accidentally being the last one out of a classroom a literal nightmare. I was yelled at by every teacher on my first day before I opened my mouth. It was a daily nightmare. But I worked through it and so will you.",-0.2173,negative,trusting 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,speaker,1,"Hi, i am rachel. i am ten and have been depressed for about seven months now. i see a counselor but it doesnt help. i also have some eating issues (either too much or too little) and Anxiety. Does anyone have advice to help me?",-0.2777,negative,questioning 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,listener_1,2,"I am 17, Depression has claimed a lot of my life. I know how frustrating it is to talk to counsellor, thinking that it'll help. Fix things. Make it all better. People will always tell you that it will help, and it can to a degree. The real thing I've learned is that it's hard. It's really really hard. Especially at your age I can imagine you feel alone at times. I'll just tell you that no, there isn't a magical way to get rid of depression. In fact it can cling on for a long time. I can promise you that if you look for it, you can find the good things. The little things. Once I had a terrible day. My parents got divorced. I cried a lot. But the thing that made me smile? My cat slipped off the counter and it was funny. Looking at the simple things and holding to those can help. At least it did for me. I got back into a better mind set searching for the good things. At the end of the day Id write about the positive things. I hope that you can find something that helps for you. You got a whole lot of fun things waiting for you. Little things. Funny things. Amazing things. Keep your head up, it's going to be a bumpy ride. ",0.9918,positive,lonely 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,listener_2,3,Im 17 too dude. I think it has a lot to do with our age and stuff. But I agree with you. The little things help. For me its music. I study music. It keeps me from doing dumb stuff that would hurt me mentally. Look at the small things. Find something you love. Stick with those two things. I think it will help.,0.7706,positive,agreeing 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,speaker,4,thanks! i'll keep that in mind. ,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,speaker,5,"I read, write and listen to music and it has helped me so much.",0.0,neutral,sentimental 180,depressed,I am Depressed. Help?,listener_2,6,Its very helpful. We all need outlets.,0.4754,positive,acknowledging 181,depressed,"I don't care about my life. Fuck it, need to write this.",speaker,1,"Hey guys. Just a quick intro to who i am : I'm 15, and apparently i'm so smart that people decided it could only be better for me to ""jump a grade"" ? (Well, i'm in France, i don't know how education works for you, but they basically took me off my class when i was 7 or 8 to put me with a 9-10 y/o class) Since then, it felt like everything just fucked. I've been feeling alone, and i started to just ignore everything. I don't do any work at school, it's just boring and you don't even learn shit, just sit & repeat. When I'm home it's just fighting with my parents, because of... School. And when I'm not arguing with my parents or sitting on a fucking chair for another hour, i do drugs. I guess i'm probably another desperate case. I've been thinking about life. How it works, the human race, the universe, death, science, whatever. And it makes no fucking sense. I never asked nobody to live this whole society, war, politics, fuckit thing, but there I am, of course. I'm tired of all of this. People around me are all like ""it's up to you, if you want to choose your life, you need to work, blah"". But what if i just want to spend my time doing what i want to do ? I cant. And I won't even suicide, i don't know what will happen if I die. I don't want it to be worse. What's the goal here guys ? It feels like life is just setting limits everywhere and then live like you want but inside of these limits. Fuck i'm high. I want to cry right now. Goodnight you all, and sorry for the grammar and spelling stuff, i'm sooooo tired of this.",-0.987,negative,devastated 181,depressed,"I don't care about my life. Fuck it, need to write this.",listener_1,2,"I'm glad you felt you could share your situation, it sounds like a difficult one to be in. Have you spoken to anyone else about your situation? It can help to just talk about things. To say the world doesn't make sense would be an understatement, I agree with you there. I guess what I tell myself to keep putting the effort in is I can't change that all right now, I can only help myself, but that will do a whole lot towards changing more. You said that you're feeling lonely, do you want to talk more about that? ",0.6553,positive,agreeing 181,depressed,"I don't care about my life. Fuck it, need to write this.",speaker,3,"Well, I've been seeing the same psychologist for 3 years now, and since the ""class jump"" i've been seeing a lot of different psy-something. With him we generally talk a lot about my relation with my parents. But it feels like i'm stuck with him. There are things (drugs and other stuff) i don't want to tell him. People are overreacting because of my age, and I really hate this. They won't consider me as I am, nor consider the fact my friends are all older than me. That changes everything, from the way you grow up to the way you think. Well, I feel lonely because I'm alone. I'm one guy, there, writing. And my thoughts and feelings can't be shared with anyone who doesnt share his thoughts and feelings. I feel so far from people. I can't know what they are really thinking, and that drives me nuts. People could be waiting to fuck me as soon as they can, I won't see it. But what should I do then ? Should I be expecting the worst, even for good people and friends, or should I expect the best from them, knowing they could stab me in the back, anytime ? Thanks for the answer, and sorry to be long to answer, it takes a ton of time to write this with my phone's French keyboard who keeps fucking with what i wrote.",-0.877,negative,apprehensive 181,depressed,"I don't care about my life. Fuck it, need to write this.",speaker,4,"That would be a long list for sure. But well, i'm going to try this. ",0.5106,positive,neutral 181,depressed,"I don't care about my life. Fuck it, need to write this.",listener_2,5,I'm happy to hear that. Facing too many obstacles and challenges at once can frustrate anyone. It's a lot easier to manage and find solutions when you have them written down. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 182,depressed,I'm messing up my life and I'm still so young,speaker,1,I'm about to be dismissed from community college because I can't focus in school I'm doing great in all other aspects of life and all I want to be is an elementary school teacher but if I get dismissed I'll be kicked out by my parents and lose my job. I feel so hopeless like o can't do anything at all.,-0.5395,negative,devastated 182,depressed,I'm messing up my life and I'm still so young,listener_1,2,Why aren't you able to focus in school? Do you know? It is essential to find the cause of the problem if solutions are to be found.,-0.3313,negative,questioning 182,depressed,I'm messing up my life and I'm still so young,speaker,3,I really have no idea I work as a tutor for the high school I graduated from and do a fine job I'm taking intermediate algebra and simply have trouble applying the same concepts that I teach. ,-0.5233,negative,impressed 182,depressed,I'm messing up my life and I'm still so young,listener_1,4,"> I really have no idea FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND DECENT AND RIGHT, LOOK INTO IT UNTIL YOU FIND OUT! There is no other way to rid yourself of this problem and it needs solving so that you can live a sane and happy life the way we are meant to live as highly sensitive creatures which are tiny but wondrous parts of a spectacular universe. ",0.6397,positive,agreeing 183,depressed,My story,speaker,1,"Hey... When I was young I always knew I was different, I know how pretentious that sounds... But understand I say different, not better I first fell in love at the age of 14, well... What I thought was love. It was with my best friend at the time, who didn't love me back. I spent 2 years chasing that pipe dream. I felt depressed all the time, but no one ever listened to me. After all, I was only 14, I'd grow out of it. Before long I fell for a different girl, at first I had hope and the feelings of depression went away... However, 2 months later my Aunty, who was more like a mother died of cancer while i held her hand... That's when I started cutting Then, with a stroke of luck, this girl I was infatuated with, liked me back We were happy for 2 and a half years, however, after those two and a half years the feelings came back I contemplated suicide many times but obviously never went through with it My arms were covered in scars, and not a day went by without me feeling hopeless This all got too much for her and she got with my friend at a party... We decided to put it behind us, but we split up soon after. We're still friends, but when she texts, I somehow feel sorrow, for knowing what I lost, and happiness to know she still thinks of me No one else does. I feel no one else loves me, no one else ever will No one understands Sorry to bother you all, I had to tell someone. D",0.9589,positive,disappointed 183,depressed,My story,listener_1,2,"I am so so sorry. I almost shed a tear on that one, and that is saying allot. Best of luck to you but if my math is right your 20. Live now because at 30 you don't want to be posting adds on Craig list and reading Reddit post that make you feel worse. Or maybe that is just me. Woman are beautiful, amazing, wonderful, and fucking complex creatures. There is a reason why all art has a large library dedicated to women. Love the ones you can. And here to make you feel better. I am 31 I have had 3 gf. Number one is a whale, it was a desperation fling. Two was Nicole at 22, the love of my life with a ring. Three was Sarah at 23 never went anywhere in the 5 years I lived with her. So in comparison you are doing better then me. Yes, that is 4 years of no women in my life. Good luck ",0.9934,positive,sympathizing 183,depressed,My story,listener_2,3,As 30 comes close I'm afraid I'll turn into that guy posting ads. 5 years without a woman here. Started getting desperate and then decided to just forget the whole thing. I just hope before I turn 40 that they'll invent tangible holograms where I can live out all my missed opportunities. ,0.0258,neutral,hopeful 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,speaker,1,"So, as the title says, my birthday is nearing (tomorrow in fact), which should make me happy, right? I am going to be seventeen and am doing pretty shabby in school, and I have no friends. All I have in life is my music. My family neglects nobody in our home, with the exception of myself. What am I to do with myself? tl;dr: Nothing is right. ",0.3624,positive,lonely 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,listener_1,2,"Literally, whatever the hell you want. I usually hate even acknowledging it's my birthday to people. I just buy myself a bag of cookies and gorge out in my room.",-0.8402,negative,ashamed 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,speaker,3,:( :| :) ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,speaker,4,I live in Mountain Time,0.0,neutral,content 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,listener_2,5,That's definitely 2 hours behind me. Good thing I'm a night owl! ,0.7088,positive,agreeing 184,depressed,My Birthday's Coming Up,speaker,6,"The SAT is not a thing here, but my ACT was only 19. I'm hoping that won't effect my future too much. ",0.5719,positive,hopeful 185,depressed,I am in love with my best friend.,speaker,1,"I am in love with my best friend. All I want in life is to share myself with someone that makes me feel free and that I can look up too. My best friend has all the traits I like in a person and I look up to him a lot. I only started to get feeling for him about a month ago but only recently it's starting to manifest. I think about him all the time and dream about him almost every night. I don't want to loose him cause he is my only real friend but these feels are effecting my mood, eating, and sleep. I know he can't like me back because we have different sexual orientations but it's fact that this has happened so many times in my life and I don't think I will ever find the right person. Every time I get hurt is because of the way I feel and it's my fault. I don't know how long I can keep feeling like this.. ",0.9432,positive,caring 185,depressed,I am in love with my best friend.,listener_1,2,"I'm going through the same thing right now, kinda. Opposite sexes, but I told my best friend of several years how I felt for her as more than just a friend and she doesn't really feel the same way. It's totally hitting me like a ton of bricks cause no one else I know makes me smile, or laugh as much as she does and I care about her so much and knowing that she doesn't feel the same way about me is, just crazy painful. ",0.9743,positive,devastated 185,depressed,I am in love with my best friend.,listener_2,3,Well said. ,0.2732,positive,acknowledging 186,depressed,So low.,speaker,1,"I have never typed or written out any of my feelings before, so please forgive me if this is hard to understand or anything. I have felt depressed since I was 10 years old. I remember it clearly. When the other kids were running and playing, I wanted no part of it. All I wanted to do was sleep. I am still that way. I am sure nobody would believe me, but I really do remember how sad I was at that age. Growing up it never changed. All of my hobbies that I grew into involved me sitting in my room. My dad left when I was 5 or so, but I don't think that has anything to do with it. I've always had a strong mother, and strong grandparents. Oddly enough, none of my family has ever mentioned my depression. I have to believe it was obvious. Maybe I am just good at hiding it though. I met someone online in my early 20's and then move to another state to be with her. She was amazing for me. I still felt depressed, but she helped a lot. I fell in love with the other state as well. It was my kind of place. I stayed in that state for three years and we broke up. I then moved to another state for a job. A state I hated, and still hate to this day. She moved in with me to the second state, and then we were together for about 7 years. We ended up getting married. She then left me one day and went back to her home. Just like that. It was over. One of the ONLY people I've ever connected with on a social or emotional level. She acted like it was no big deal. It was easy for her. I suppose I should have seen it coming. I am still in the state that I absolutely hate. I also can't stand most of my coworkers. I tried to leave this place to go back to the other state that I love but the job didn't work out, so I ended up back here. I am always the butt of every joke. Everyone makes fun of me at work for my failure of trying to get away. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not in the spotlight being made fun of. I just can't escape it. I always put a mask on and act like it's okay, but it's not. They wouldn't care even if they knew it wasn't okay. Nobody cares. They also make fun of me for my failed marriage. I have no motivation to do anything these days. I want to go back to the State I love, but it's hard finding jobs out of state. I also am not good with saving money. As I said,I have no motivation. All I do is go to work then come home and sleep. I have no interests anymore. I have a few friends, but they don't know how bad this is. They would probably laugh anyhow. Living every day is a struggle and honestly I am not sure how much longer I can take this. I don't really think many people would think much of it if I didn't wake up tomorrow morning. I have a friend who lives a couple of hours away that I get to visit sometimes, but not often enough. I also met her online, and met her in person for the first time a year ago or so. We talk a lot online and she knows about the depression. She's a good friend to me, but I don't want to clutter her life with my depression, so I try to stay away, even though I hate it. There is so much to say and I know I jumped around. I just want to quit my job and move to the state that I enjoy. I wish life was that simple. I have realized that I will never beat this depression, but a least in that state I had interests again. It sounds silly I know. I am not sure how long I will hang on here though. I may not make it long enough to even move. For anyone who takes time to read this I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart. I just needed to type this out. I am going to try to sleep now. Sleep is the only thing I am good at, and it's where I feel most safe. ",0.9928,positive,sad 186,depressed,So low.,listener_1,2,I feel for you! The only thing that keeps me going is my kid. ,0.0,neutral,caring 186,depressed,So low.,speaker,3,Thanks for reading. I appreciate it. I hope all turns out well for you.,0.8625,positive,encouraging 186,depressed,So low.,speaker,4,Thanks for your response. It means a lot to me that people are actually reading this. I have tried multiple therapists. Unfortunately it didn't work for me.,0.128,positive,grateful 187,depressed,Hopeless,speaker,1,"I had a thought today. What would the world be like without me? And I instantly knew the answer. Better. No one would notice the loser being gone now would they? Didn't think so. I tried to think of the friends I have currently if they would, but it's the same for everyone. I never made an impact on any of them and I was just annoying to them. I guess I should just leave this earth because I have no skills to fallback on and nothing else planned for the future. I'm pretty hopeless since nothing I do amounts to anything.",-0.5514,negative,lonely 187,depressed,Hopeless,listener_1,2,"Hey! Cheer up!! Imagine all the pain you would put your family and friends through. It may feel like they'd be better off, but that's not true.",0.3875,positive,consoling 187,depressed,Hopeless,speaker,3,None of them would care. They want me 6 feet under.,0.5423,positive,apprehensive 187,depressed,Hopeless,listener_1,4,"Well, I would care.",0.6486,positive,neutral 187,depressed,Hopeless,listener_2,5,im sorry you feel that way.. but why do they want you 6 ft under..?,0.0772,positive,sympathizing 187,depressed,Hopeless,speaker,6,Let's face it...I'm a waste of space. No one seems to realize that I exist and I don't blame them. I shouldn't anyways.,-0.4523,negative,ashamed 187,depressed,Hopeless,listener_2,7,dont be like that!. No one is a waste of space!. Everyone is unique. A certain person can do something while another person cant do that thing.. you are bound to able to do something positive.!. If you need a friend i'll gladly chat with ya.,0.7241,positive,agreeing 187,depressed,Hopeless,speaker,8,"If only that were actually true, then maybe living would be better.",0.6908,positive,suggesting 188,depressed,An Outward Introspective.,speaker,1,"Depression and I aren't unfamiliar, in fact, we seem to be best friends. One of the very few actual friends I have really, but it's not the lack of friends, or people to talk to that bothers me the most. Yes it upsets me, so much so that it's like I physically burn inside, but I feel the pain runs so much deeper. No matter how well I know myself, how much I reflect, and meditate and think about myself and what bothers me, I can't seem to figure out the source. Every morning I wake up and ask, why does my chest hurt so much? Why can't I breathe? Why does it feel like I'm being crushed? Why, that no matter how much I smile, laugh and have fun, I still hurt and feel empty inside—incomplete. It's funny how the mind and body tries to trick itself into feeling fine... I wonder, is this how depression really works, or is something so much greater? I write a lot to express myself, to vent and dump whatever horrible feelings well up inside me, I play games, and just find some reason to continue to exist. Whether it's helping the people closest to me, or the simple act of being available to those in need that makes me feel better at time. Yet, I always end up back where I started— the pit. Everything I do is like a cheap medicine, it works fine for a while, but then I blink and there my symptoms are— in full force, and sometimes in greater intensity. Despite how I feel, I don't think I'm as miserable as my feelings suggest. Maybe I'm just confused, a bit out of touch with myself and my true feelings, or just...plain crazy. There are small, joys that I have and try my best to hold onto. They keep me afloat in a world where all I feel I can do is drown. It's nothing steeped in vanity, nothing that money can buy, no thing or object. All I have is a friend who I've known for much of my life now at this point. One, that trough many hard times has always been around for me, and a girlfriend, a new one that I like very much. Though I am unable to speak to her as much as I may want, or can't be as close as I feel I need to be, it's about the only thing keeping me attached to this world instead of aggressively seeking the next. I'm probably being dramatic... I know I sound that way, but, I just want to know how to manage. I want to know how to do more than just float. I want to learn how to swim, or even find dry and stable land. If anyone understands, or is willing— I suppose— to lend a hand, please do. The meager act of speaking, does a world of good. I do want to get better, but it seems I'm not very good at getting there on my own. Thank you so much in advanced if you've read this far at least. ",0.9946,positive,sad 188,depressed,An Outward Introspective.,listener_1,2,"I wish I had some solid advice for you but the best I can really do is say you're not alone. I know how difficult it can be feeling lost in your own emotions and feelings. You describe my situation and the way I feel perfectly and I love the way you write. I'm sure many other people feel the same. Being there for other people is great and it makes me feel better a lot too. But you cant rely on people for happiness like that. At least not completely. Find things that make you happy. When someone first told me that I couldnt think of anything. But just keep an eye out for the little things. When you find yourself with a small smile on your face, a real smile, find out why. Don't let it slip away. Chase those little things and hopefully you'll have something more solid to cling to emotionally than people. This is something Ive been trying to do and its slowly been helping I guess so maybe it can do good for you too. ",0.9964,positive,trusting 188,depressed,An Outward Introspective.,speaker,3,"In a lot of way you're absolutely right here, and there's much to be taken from your words; however, in some aspects I'm already a bit ahead of you. As far as writing goes, I've been running a blog dedicated to the poems I've been writing for the last 8 plus, almost 9 years. I'm also pretty serious into roleplaying, and I've been doing that for nearly 8 years now with the forum I'm actively writing on daily. Just one of the many roads I take to get out all that's eating away at the inside of me. It's also a decent escape as well, but mostly it's just another creative way to vent. I'm now trying to learn music better so that I can write that as well. I hear some stuff in my head that might do good to get out as well, but that's a big hurdle right now with school to deal with and such. Not enough time after everything else. But, I digress. Sometimes, despite all I do, it feels more like a distraction. Something to steal my mind away in my last moments before I inhale a lung full of water and make my final exit. I get lost in the idea that I'm just biding my time, or desperately ignoring the inevitable on my worst days. It's strange. I might actually be swimming, but I question if I'm getting anywhere or not. ",-0.4416,negative,confident 189,depressed,It's a long story...,speaker,1,"I can't get into details because I'm on mobile and really don't feel like typing a short story. Basically I'm in the middle of a breakup with my gf of almost 4 years. We alone had a pretty decent relationship but she couldn't ever get a hold of how to deal with my daughter from a previous relationship. My daughter is 4.5 years old now and is simply amazing. I only have custody 3 days a week when im not working. Over the last 3 years my gf would get very severe anxiety attacks whenever my daughter acted out. And if you know anything about 2 year olds thats every day. Since then my daughters behaviour has improved immensly, but my gf had given up by that point. She wouldnt even try to be a part of my time with my daughter. It was too much of a strain on us and she recently confessed to contemplating suicide during one of the worse anxiety attacks. I am the only person she has told this to and I feel horrible that I let it get to that point. We always had a hard time discussing the more difficult things in regards to emotions and how things were going. Eventually it was just too much. We are currently separating and trying to figure out the house etc. The hard part is I still love her but I will always love my daughter more. And she couldnt handle that. I suppose we will both be better off in the end, but for now it still hurts. I don't know if this is true of anyone else but do you have a specific song/soundtrack that you listen to when you are down? Personally I always listen to the Last of the Mohicans soundtrack, specifically the track ""the Kiss."" I find it very soothing and it hits me pretty deep. Helps me cope I suppose. Thats my story. I will be ok eventually, but I dont know how long until i will feel whole again.",0.7236,positive,devastated 189,depressed,It's a long story...,listener_1,2,"I can't say I've ever been in your situation but I see how difficult that must be and I sympathize with you. I always listen to Broad ripple is burning - Margot and the nucelar so and so's Edit: I found this thread, hope it helps. http://www.reddit.com/r/Music/comments/31dtaz/im_wine_drunk_alone_and_kind_of_sad_naturally_im/",0.6124,positive,caring 189,depressed,It's a long story...,speaker,3,"Also, it wont be as powerful or meaningful to most people but the crono trigger soundtrack for me is indicative of my best childhood memories. Always brightens my mood. Even if youve never played the game its worth a listen.",0.8699,positive,neutral 189,depressed,It's a long story...,speaker,4,"Thank you. I listened to your song too, I like it. It is very fitting mood wise right now. Edit: also thank you for the thread link. Thats perfect.",0.9269,positive,acknowledging 189,depressed,It's a long story...,listener_1,5,"I'll definitely give it a try, might even play it just to see. ",0.6249,positive,agreeing 189,depressed,It's a long story...,listener_2,6,"Hey,i hope everything gets better! I think you realize you have importance and you deserve to be happy. Then hope and be persistent. Progress will be more evidented. :-) ",0.9616,positive,consoling 189,depressed,It's a long story...,speaker,7,Its worth playing. One of the best rpgs of all time imo. Either the ds remake or the snes original. Both are good.,0.9022,positive,neutral 189,depressed,It's a long story...,listener_1,8,"That's great, I'll probably try the ds remake. I haven't played many rpgs other than Final Fantasy so this should be a fun experience ",0.7479,positive,acknowledging 189,depressed,It's a long story...,speaker,9,"It doesnt have to be a sad song, could be happy or upbeat. Along with the songs i described in this post I have also been blaring 'all that remains-overcome' in my truck. That is definitely not sad music :-) but hey, if comedy works for you then great! I love to laugh. Who is your favourite comedian? ",0.9813,positive,questioning 189,depressed,It's a long story...,listener_3,10,I'm not picky. I've LOL'd very hard at I Love Lucy and to Robin Williams and to everything in between. Even watching some of the late nights with the stand up comedian hosts can lift my spirits.,0.7275,positive,impressed 190,depressed,Just a shitty situation.,speaker,1,"I'm graduating from high school in 2 weeks, second in my class, with a brand new class ring on my hand completely free of charge because my school likes to make students think they care just as much about academics as they do about sports, and I couldn't hate my life more. Rewind to me back in August and you'd see a lazy kid who just felt overwhelmed by more work than he really had and who was fed up with the College Board's greed; I applied to three colleges for this upcoming fall [UChicago, MIT, and Florida State University (FSU was the backup)] and stuck with a one-time SAT score of 2030, and those principles of mine turned around to fuck me over royally: i was rejected by MIT, wait-listed by Chicago, and therefore am forced to attend FSU in the fall. When most people hear this, they say something along the lines of ""well that's great! Fsu is a very decent school!"" But when you're going to college to study physics with intentions of specializing in theoretical physics, you don't go to ""decent"" schools; when you've gone your entire high school career besting everyone around you in every science and math class you take with ease, scoring 5s on every science AP exam you take, going to a ""decent"" school is very contrary to what you probably deserve. What makes it worse? The only girl I've ever truly had feelings for (emotional attachments have never come very easily to me) is the only person I've ever been able to admit to myself is more intelligent than me just got done making a decision between going to Brown, USC, UPenn, or Harvard (she chose Brown) to study comparative literature. She was always the type to spend every waking moment studying or doing something to build her college resume, so I've never had a chance to really try for any kind of romantics and have settled with admiring from afar, and now because I'm stuck going in-state there's very little chance of me ever getting a shot to be romantic with her (as opposed to a scenario where i had been accepted to MIT or some other northeastern school). We're separated by less than a tenth of a GPA point, yet every teacher showers her with praise when she enters the room, and I'm stuck in the shadows still, forced to watch. I wish I could've put forth more effort rather than relying solely on talent to get me where I wanted to go; I wish I would've applied to more places; I wish would've gotten over my hatred for the College Board and just paid them another $55 to get a better score; most of all, though, I wish I could stay close to this girl after high school, waiting for a door to open that finally let's me in to her sights so i can show her how much she means to me. I don't know if I'm just a sociopath being awoken from his delusion of being the center of the world, or a lazy kid is being taught a hard lesson and is scared shitless that he's never going to amount to anything he cares about and that he's never going to find another girl he can admire and respect like the one he's about to lose? Odds are that it's something in between those two, but regardless, as the title says, this is just a shitty situation. EDIT: Forgot to add in that I am going to attempt to transfer out of fsu after a year thanks to the help of a wealthy connection who has offered to pay for nearly half of my application fees, since I'm going to be applying to 12 places this time around. Also forgot to add in that finances are a huge issue and I'm probably going to go into more debt in one year at fsu than i will during the three years I'll hopefully be attending at a private institution out of state.",0.9943,positive,joyful 190,depressed,Just a shitty situation.,listener_1,2,"Student debt is no joke. When you apply to the next round of schools, consider checking out their graduating student debt average. Many schools publish this. FSU could be an excellent school for you. You gotta give it a chance. I went to school in a very large town with many universities. Many of the professors from ""lower ranked"" universities were adjuncts at ""higher ranked"" universities. Turns out academia is a small, small world that is very tightly connected. You might be able to start on a research project at FSU that you can carry over to your next university. Having cross-university collaboration experience will be a great addition to your CV. What professors will you be working or studying with at FSU?",0.4043,positive,apprehensive 190,depressed,Just a shitty situation.,speaker,3,"I haven't made my schedule for the fall yet, so i have no idea who I'm gonna be working with yet. I'm gonna try my best to get on board with some research project while I'm there, I'm just worried that my lack of commitment to attendance at the school will hinder my chances of getting on board with something. Also, average student debt is always a huge factor in my application process; uchicago and MIT both pride themselves on not having students decline their admissions based on finances. ",0.5908,positive,apprehensive 191,depressed,Pretty rough time,speaker,1,"So I'm 16, pretty young I know. My parents are in a divorce. My dad cheated for 2 months, after which he told my mom things like he had never loved her. My dad is an educated man, no drunk without a conscious, which only makes it harder to believe what he has done. My mother wanted to forgive him but he wanted a divorce. My life has always been perfect but now it feels like I'm ripped apart. My sister is moving out, so I don't realy have anyone close to help me. I try to take care of my mother who cries most of the times, which is hard because because I can't even deal with my own emotions. Besides that the girl I have been hopelessly in love with is now dating a guy since 2 weeks. I am devestated and just don't know what to do and how to handle my emotions. Sometimes I just sink to the floor, crying for an hour just being completely lost. I hoped to hear something from you guys, whether it is advice, shared feelings, or a story from you. Thank you in advance",0.958,positive,devastated 191,depressed,Pretty rough time,listener_1,2,I know you're young but right now you have to care for those you love. Your mom needs you to be by her side. She was hurt pretty bad and being there for her will get her through these tough times. ,0.6486,positive,caring 191,depressed,Pretty rough time,speaker,3,"thank you, i guess giving the love i have received from her over the years is the least i can do",0.8442,positive,sympathizing 191,depressed,Pretty rough time,listener_1,4,Yeah dude do right by her and keep your mind occupied. And about the girl I know it's cliche but there really is more fish in the sea. When I was in High school my gf of 2 years at the time had dumped me. I was super depressed for about 2 months but that just made me stronger. Just be positive and know that you'll bounce back. ,0.8047,positive,faithful 191,depressed,Pretty rough time,speaker,5,"Thank you so much, i'm sure i'll be stronger when the storm has calmed as well",0.885,positive,encouraging 192,depressed,Anyone here have cognitive shut down?,speaker,1,Is it hard to concentrate? Hard to memorise what you've been doing? It feels like the past six months have just been a blur.. Also does anyone here just not 'feel' anymore? Like every post I see here is about 'my parents getting divorced or I have no friends ect'. Anyone here is just lethargic? You don't care about anything. You've become thin air and you just don't care about anything which you used to care about. You're not funny anymore and you've just changed.,-0.862,negative,lonely 192,depressed,Anyone here have cognitive shut down?,listener_1,2,"Yeah; you're not alone. I am doing well now, but I've previously felt similar to what you describe. At work I couldn't concentrate or work consistently on one thing for more than 10 minutes. I'd just bounce back and forth between ""places where I should be doing things"" (my inbox, documents I'm working on, etc.) without actually getting anything done. I knew there would eventually be consequences for this, but couldn't care enough to change my behaviour. Sometimes I felt really bad, or sad, but sometimes I just didn't give a shit about anything. I just wanted to lie still and wait out the days and weeks because I didn't really care about what was happening around me, about whether I could be doing something else fun, or productive, or whatever. What you're experiencing is definitely within the realm of symptoms of depression.",-0.8621,negative,ashamed 192,depressed,Anyone here have cognitive shut down?,speaker,3,"Thanks, really good to know that you're better now and you *can* get out of this. The worst part is the lack of emotions, the lack of things going on in your brain, you realise it but you really can't do anything about it which is basically torture. Was your memory also not functioning as well, did you almost feel dumber, lack of 'higher level thinking'? If that's also happened then we're a match in whats going through us.",-0.9155,negative,acknowledging 192,depressed,Anyone here have cognitive shut down?,listener_1,4,"My short-term memory's been spotty for several years, since I had a major depressive episode and went on medication. Not sure if that's a result of depression, or medication, or just of getting older. :) (I'm in my early 30's.) I'll forget what I had for dinner yesterday, or watch a movie trailer and go ""Hey, that looks cool!"" and my husband tells me, ""Yeah, we already watched that last month"" and I have no recollection of it. That sort of thing. I never really felt like I lacked higher-level thinking. But details can differ from person to person. It sounds like you're experiencing some anhedonia and difficulty concentrating; these are definitely symptoms of depression and, as such, can be treated.",-0.7075,negative,embarrassed 193,depressed,Dealing with continual neediness?,speaker,1,"Right from the start, I've always felt very lonely and have tried to cope by looking for personal supports. Being male, this approach has never worked and my negative encounters have only put me down and made my neediness worse. At this point I'm a wreck and spend most of my daily vainly hoping to get lucky and find someone who'll comfort me. I think every day with a mix of love and resentment about woman who have rejected me years ago, and am not really sure what to do. Anyone else have experience with overcoming this problem? ",-0.848,negative,lonely 193,depressed,Dealing with continual neediness?,listener_1,2,"yep... i ve felt needy since i was a teen, and somehow always felt like the solution to my problems and happiness were all going to be solved once I found that ""special someone""... &nbsp; now, after many heartbreaks, mistakes and therapy sessions I've learned that something broke down when I was young and I grew up to subconsciously believe this... but later found out no1 else is responsible for my happiness... but me. &nbsp; Putting the responsibility of making one happy is an incredibly heavy burden for someone else to bear, and this is why most people shy away from you when you come off as needy, since most people don't know how to handle this or they feel incredible pressure of ""taking care of you"".... &nbsp; but fear not, it is not all that bad.... the first step into getting out of this situation is to learn that YOU control your own emotions, that YOU control your own happiness, and that YOU should not depend on anyone else, but YOURSELF... make your own destiny &nbsp; bear in mind i am NO expert and if you are feeling really down in the dumps to consider actual professional help, as I have, because we all need support from time to time... but I thought I'd go ahead and share my experience with you since I can relate to the pain and struggle you have described... &nbsp; best of luck to you :)",0.9636,positive,neutral 193,depressed,Dealing with continual neediness?,listener_2,3,I know this is personal but right now I am having a hell of a time finding therapy with no income (long sad story) but I believe we might have the same kind of affliction.... If it is not too personal or too much to ask can you tell me even vaguely what 'broke down' when you were a kid? thanks either way...,-0.9349,negative,suggesting 193,depressed,Dealing with continual neediness?,listener_1,4,"yeah sure :) no problem at all! &nbsp; what I have gathered from my experience as well as some therapy sessions, is that when I was a teen, I had my own type of afflictions, mostly self-stem issues, that were not taken care of in time... my parents love me but they are not perfect, and they had their own issues when I was a teen (they had problems in their marriage)... so there was a lot of things they could have done to make sure I grew up psychologically stable, and well... they didn't... I don't blame them, they support me even now, but I can tell my self-stem suffered during this time, as I grew socially withdrawn... &nbsp; so I was basically bullied a bit, and had no luck w girls, and had a really tough time defending myself... I realized now that back then I subconsciously let people walk over me as I put little value on myself... through the years this forged in my mind as a ""fact"", that I was not ""worth it"", and I would project this unto others without even knowing what I was doing... &nbsp; so of course my self-worth and stem took a lot of big hits during these post-high-school years... I learn to cope with all those feelings and deal with them in unhealthy ways... some people drink, some people smoke, some do drugs, some have sex with everyone.... I chose to eat my feelings and shy away from the world by burying myself in videogames... &nbsp; now, videogames are a nice hobby and all that, but the bad thing about this is that in extreme it cuts you away from social interaction, and since we are social animals this can really take a toll when you want friends to go out with and a girfriend to love you back... so by this logic, if u NEVER go out you NEVER meet people, hence you have no contact with anyone but yourself (and perhaps people you live with, but it's not the same) &nbsp; so, no social interaction + eating your feelings are pretty much the ways my mind subsconsciously chose to deal with the fact that I wasn't loving myself. I knew I was in pain, and I knew I was in need of love, so my mind told me to eat junk food and play videogames so I would feel good in the short-term, but would really screwed me up in the long-term, as my weight went up and my health worsened. &nbsp; to top it all off when I was about 25 (I'm 32 atm) I had my 1st girlfriend, who, ironically, suffered the same neediness I was going through, and since she chose to cope with that via drinking, drugs and sex, you can imagine the amount of ordeal she put me through... back then I blamed her for the way she treated me (was a really abusive relationship), but now I can see even tho she mistreated me, I was also to blame, as I felt so needy I let her treat me this way just because I needed to feel loved... I learned a lot from this, but I would definitely not let anyone ever treat me this way again... and it is ironic that the person I picked to be my 1st love to also be someone who, deep down, was as broken as I was... &nbsp; so... to make a long story short... the way I have taken care of this the past 6 months is by going to therapy and changing my diet... i'm tackling 2 issues at the same time, my eating habits, which boost my health and looks, which help my self-stem, and my psychological issues, which help ""reprogram"" myself and get rid of a lot of ingrained self-destructive thoughts I've developed as coping mechanisms for what I was going through... &nbsp; I am sorry you are having problems finding therapy, but by all means I encourage you to keep looking! :) one of the props of finding a good therapist is that you find someone to talk to, and this someone, as a professional in this area, will help you see and think of things from a different perspective, which in turn will help you think differently, and help you find within yourself the power to choose to love you.. &nbsp; this is what it all comes down to... you feel needy, because we HAVE needs, but sometimes most of these are things we can do for ourselves, that no other person should be responsible for.. I hope there's a way for you to find local free therapy sessions or something like that... I know near the college I went to they used to offer these for students (although I never used them)... can't hurt to try and look for options! &nbsp; so, that pretty much wraps up what I've gathered about myself and what I have been able to learn... if you have more questions feel free to ask me :) I'll do my best, but once again if possible, try and see if you can find some income or a way to get some therapy, as it can really help change your life! :) definitely worth it &nbsp; and one more thing, do not despair :D we all go through these horrible needy episodes and stuff, but there is ALWAYS a way to fix our problems :) we are valuable smart worthy persons and we have the power and capacity to get through this, sometimes we just need some guiding ;)",0.9976,positive,neutral 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,speaker,1,"6 years ago, I had all the hope in the world for the future. I traveled and met new people and experienced Europe for the first time. I was alone, but not lonely because I thought I would find someone, a friend or romantic companion, who would finally get me and that we could be besties or life partners. I had no idea what a relationship entailed or even what best friendship was really like, but I hoped to experience it. I met a guy a few months later from a different country and I thought that as long as I was positive and showed him I cared, that we could work through anything together. The kinda beginning was a bit rough, but we worked through it. It was young and naive of me to think that those were his only issues, but regardless, i wanted to prove that I was posivtive about the outcome. If I stayed positive, then nothing but good and long life could come of our love... 5 years later and the distance and immaturity was the death of our relationship. But it was also the death of any hope I have for a fulfilling future for myself. I don't fit in in my hometown and now am seen as 'pretentious' by my old 'friends' because I lived in and liked Europe. Everything I loved about life was there. I'm back in a dead in job on cruise ship in which I have recently found out that my position may no longer be needed. Being here at least means the possibility of getting out of the country for months at a time. But as such, I now feel old. Everyone here is getting younger or moving on with their life and I am back to square one but having known what it was like to be happy and have a 'land life' I enjoyed. I go to the crew bar and hangout but sometimes I get anxious and all of the chatter and music makes me uncomfortable. The other day, someone told me i had a pretty smile and I remember just thinking how sad I was in that moment. But I have learned to just smile in public because no one cares what is really wrong. To make matters worse, I am working with a girl who I worked with before. She absolutely hates me and I have no idea why. I tried to talk to her about it and she just cursed me out. It made me cry. She talks about me behind my back and is popular on board. I feel like I am in high school again, but we are all adults over the age of 23 at least.... I don't know where to go or what to do, but I am lonely and have accomplished nothing but lost in the past 6 years. My old 'friends' don't understand my life style and don't want to do anything I like. Which sucks because for years I did what they liked just so we could hang out. Therefore, I don't even hangout with them when I am in town. My mom wants me to get 'involved' in the church, but I'm atheist now... Sometimes, I really want to just go to the back deck and jump over board to stop the loneliness and feeling of being a complete and utter weirdo and failure at life. :/ ",0.979,positive,hopeful 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,listener_1,2,"hey, I'm just a stranger on the internet, but keep your head up. as cheesy as it sounds, follow your heart, do something you love, and everything else will fall into place naturally. ",0.9274,positive,neutral 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,speaker,3,I just don't even know where to live right now. Staying with my mom in her 55+ community is less than ideal. :(,0.1243,positive,lonely 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,listener_2,4,"Learn something new. It'll be fresh and you'll end up meeting people. Make a right turn in life when the road ahead leads you nowhere. If we continue to think in terms of the direction we are currently heading rather than where we'd want to go, then any thought of progress ironically may take you further from your desired success",0.8807,positive,apprehensive 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,speaker,5,I'd love to do something new. Just not in my hometown and I can't afford to move anywhere else...,0.6369,positive,hopeful 194,depressed,I Have Lost Hope,listener_2,6,"Sorry to hear, maybe if you want to pm me, seems like a lot of tedious issues with your life that are preventing you from a peace of mind. But a lot who look for a peace of mind dont know what they're looking for. I recently went through a rough patch and found a way of looking at life that helps me be content with who i am. I dunno, maybe if you vent it out it'll be a bit more bearable.",0.9022,positive,suggesting 195,depressed,My fears seem to be coming alive,speaker,1,"I am writing today because I feel like I will never be loved by someone. Not randomly being loved on the internet but by being loved while in a relationship. That's all I have ever wanted, yet never achieved. I don't want to grow old while alone, it would torture me inside. I have tried to be in a relationship. Tried just being myself, being funny, being caring, not caring as much as I did in the past. Each time it ended badly for me. Now I find myself wanting to kill myself to end the pain I am in everyday. It may not seem like a lot of pain to some people but to me it is. I have thought about everybody who may be hurt by my suicide but I know in the long run they will be happier. I'll won't be in any more pain either. Everyone wins. ",-0.9847,negative,lonely 195,depressed,My fears seem to be coming alive,listener_1,2,Why do you think you can't be loved by someone else ? Even if you don't live with anybody life can be cool.,-0.2134,negative,questioning 195,depressed,My fears seem to be coming alive,speaker,3,"Everytime I have put myself out there I have never had one person want to be in a relationship with me. I have had people want to be friends with benefits but never a relationship. No matter how much I try, it never happens. I guess 8 Years of nothing but what seems like rejection has gotten to me.",0.1378,positive,disappointed 195,depressed,My fears seem to be coming alive,listener_1,4,"Maybe you should indicate that you want a serious relationship before every date. There must be a person for you. Just don't depress for that, it's about time.",0.3875,positive,suggesting 196,depressed,"Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.",speaker,1,"I am a 16 year old male in highschool. Personally, I have my life set for me. I take the hardest classes I can and I get outstanding grades, and have overcome severe depression. But this isn't about me. I have a friend, I'll call him T. T is one of my best friends, and we are pretty personal. T had a very traumatic childhood, he was severely abused by his hard drug addict parents; breaking his bones and sending him to school, throwing him down the stairs, several other things, and eventually ditching him. The following text is pretty lengthy and detailed, feel free to read the TL;DR at the bottom. Now it's 2015, and T is 15 years old, in the same grade as me. T does not care about ANYTHING. Ever since I met him as an 11 year old, he has straight F's for all of his grades. He doesn't put any effort into anything. He doesn't care about the future, or anything. He has attempted suicide multiple times. He tells me he thinks he has ADD, but he doesn't care at all. He hasn't told his doctor or anything. He clearly has some pretty severe depression, and that was discovered by his step-parents, and so he was prescribed an antidepressant. After a month, they didn't do anything and he just gave up, didn't tell his doctor that they don't work, and just stopped taking them because he thinks he is helpless and nothing will help. He doesn't want to take a pill to make him genuinely happy, but he will gladly get high to give him a couple hours of happiness. I have been trying for years to help T, but nothing is working. I've talked to him for hours about what he is doing to his life, and he tells me he doesn't care. I tell him ""You're 15, and you're giving up on life entirely"" and he just says ""I don't care about my life. I accept the fact that I am hopeless and I am going to be homeless."" His logic is so screwed up, literally everything he tells me makes me cringe because he honestly thinks he's got it all figured out. Here's one of several examples: he tells me that when he is 18 he is going to leave his house, and whatever happens from there, happens. He doesn't care that he won't get a job, let alone care enough to work. He seems to think he will be happy by roaming the streets, minding his own business, but he doesn't realize how cold the real world is. He thinks that he has a healthy mind, he thinks he is normal. Another example: He hates his parents, he hates adults. He told me that adults are only there to hurt him; to boss him around and make him do things he doesn't want to do, to abuse him. He tells me that every adult just cares about themselves. This logic is so screwed, and he genuinely believes it (I explained to him for hours about how that is wrong, but he is so stubborn and just keeps believing what he believes). He tells me all his step-parents do is think about themselves. He told me all they care about is his grades and want him to do good in school. That statement itself defines ironic. They care about his future, and want him to good. What does he do in retaliation? He fails all of his grades to get ""revenge"" on his step- parents, without even thinking that his grades don't affect them in any way, and only affects him negatively. T is so stubborn, he is thinking in the moment and not about what his decisions will do to affect him in the future. He tells me he has never felt emotion, he says "" I learned to push it down and block it away "" that he has cried only once and that was when he was binging on amphetamines for 3 days. To clarify, he spends the majority of his time sober, but here and there he abuses prescription drugs. He stays clear of marijuana because he gets drug tested and wont be able to play games if he fails, but when he smoked marijuana, he did it several times a day, all day. He skipped school to get high, etc. He would smoke over an Oz of marijuana to himself in a month, with the money he steals from his rich stepdad's wallet. I am so concerned for him.. I have put countless hours towards talking to him, trying to help him. He acknowledges it, agrees with what I say, but never takes action. At this point, I don't know what to do anymore. I have explained everything to him, what his decisions will do, what he is doing to himself, and he just tells me to stop because I'm just wasting my time. I try putting everything in his perspective, being sincere with him, and he doesn't take offense but rather takes it as advice. Problem is, he doesn't care. Currently, I am contemplating calling one of his step-parents and telling them everything, all the things they don't know about his mental mind. Not that it would help, because he would just ignore everything they do to help him. He is stubborn, and he is setting his life up for utter failure and misery, and doesn't care. What do I do?! Please help me, I have tried my hardest. I am genuinely concerned. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. TL;DR I have a friend that is tearing his life apart, and doesn't care at all to even try to think about it. I've done everything in my power, and his stubbornness is making my efforts useless. What do I do? ",-0.9927,negative,faithful 196,depressed,"Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.",listener_1,2,"sorry for being so late.. and sorry nobody else replied. tried talking to his school counselor? that could set it off and he would be unable to avoid confrontation about his problems. not saying you have to do that, but he sounds hopeless and you're down to few options. anything at this point may help",-0.61,negative,sympathizing 196,depressed,"Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore.",speaker,3,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 197,depressed,You could call it my thoughts.,speaker,1,"Being alone is what I should get used to. It's not like anything will change it. I think I am probably too nice to people. But why should I change for anyone, why is being too nice a bad thing? I was too nice to the last woman I was talking to. First date she forgot and the second something came up but she couldn't tell me what. She seemed genuine at the time, so why not give her the benefit of the doubt? But than she hasn't tried to talk to me since (3 days) and that makes me think she was never really interested. Just like every other woman. One who said she hated a guy and is now engaged to him. I am slightly confused by that but none of my business. ",-0.349,negative,content 197,depressed,You could call it my thoughts.,listener_1,2,Being alone is wonderful. I recommend it.,0.6369,positive,lonely 197,depressed,You could call it my thoughts.,speaker,3,What if one does not want to be alone than it is less than wonderful. ,0.2959,positive,lonely 197,depressed,You could call it my thoughts.,listener_1,4,Of course. Why don't you want to be alone?,-0.3009,negative,questioning 198,depressed,Embracing the depression,speaker,1,"A month or so ago I decided to stop taking my depression meds. The depression deepend and the feeling of hopelessness returned. I've decided to just embrace it. It has alienated me from my spouse and my friends, but I'm back in the shadows. Out of sight. Alone. And despite the depression and the fictitious demons pulling me deeper, I like where I'm at. The anger, hate, animosity, and pain are just a part of who I am. I tried for something more via medication only to realize I don't want anything more. ",-0.9632,negative,lonely 198,depressed,Embracing the depression,listener_1,2,"I believe I will end up where you are in your view of depression eventually in my own life. I used to take it to heart when everyone said it was so important to be happy. The difficult part of my life has been COMPLETELY spurred by outsiders telling me to be happier and that I must not accept myself when I'm unhappy. But, I'm predominantly upset/unhappy whether because of a stressor or by default, so I end up not accepting myself a large majority of the time. From here, my difficulties are: 1. Accept depression without letting it consume me. 2. Continue to talk to family/friends, but only when a problem won't happen. 3. Motivating myself with something other than the desire for happiness.",-0.8698,negative,disappointed 198,depressed,Embracing the depression,speaker,3,Each person defines happiness differently. I'm happy when I'm alone. I have a VERY extroverted wife. She has carried me socially. But I was never happy. Now when she comes home I feel my private space is being violated. I no longer want her to carry me socially. I thought it was happiness but now realize I'm not happy. I was defining myself by how well I hid myself. Happiness for me is being alone. I don't need a relationship. I don't need family. I just need the shadows and the comfort they provide. ,0.0059,neutral,lonely 198,depressed,Embracing the depression,listener_2,4,"It doesn't really help alot , i know that my reason why im depressed for about 10 years is just being lonely and feeling unloved , i know that i met someone who i felt that im love with and it started fading away but it went away fast and im back in this hole again , you can't really fix it even if you know the reason but tahts only one of the factors of why i am depressed (atleast in my case)",-0.8013,negative,neutral 198,depressed,Embracing the depression,speaker,5,"I'd agree. I know why and I explained it in another post. Allow me to cut and paste: I have a unique condition that some would call a photographic memory. It's a wonderful thing to have in academics, but life isn't academics. Have you ever heard the saying: ""Forgive and forget?"" Not only do I never forget, but my mind also conjures up the emotions attached to the memory. I mentally cannot forgive because if I remember how somebody hurt me, I instantly feel the same pain I felt the day they hurt me. This is all but killed my capacity to love, because with love, even healthy love, comes pain. Think of it this way, you see a scar on your body. Imagine reliving the pain the wound created.",-0.506,negative,ashamed 199,depressed,I don't know what do.,speaker,1,"I am in a paradox. I feel alone. My family went through a sudden jolt of reality, and they went crazy. Everyone is running in every which way, and talking it out with other people, but I can't. After losing my shit and trashing my room, I found myself kneeling and crying. I wasn't crying because of the reality hit, but because I was kneeling in my room alone, and I knew if I picked up my phone, it would serve me no use. I didn't have anyone to call. So I sat on my floor, and spaced out. Everyone knew I was hurt, but no one checked on me. But on the other hand, I have a lot of people I know. That I hold conversations with regularly. But I can't TALK to them. They don't get why I do things. They don't know me well enough to be there. My problem is that I have all of this water and not a drop to drink.",-0.9538,negative,lonely 199,depressed,I don't know what do.,listener_1,2,"There's always a solution, you just haven't thought of it yet.",0.3182,positive,neutral 199,depressed,I don't know what do.,listener_2,3,"Someone wise who's name eludes me now once said ""If there's a cause, there's a solution."" I have found this to be true.",0.802,positive,faithful 200,depressed,I'm done.,speaker,1,"I have been going to school now for 5 years and should be finishing up soon. I am currently working as an intern in the field that I am studying. Its going okay, however, its not what I imagined it would be. I have been working on graduating in a field of study that will get me a job. I'm fairly certain I will be offered a pretty good career opportunity. I've been doing this because my real interest (theoretical physics) is not a very job secure field of study. I have been working super hard to secure a good job so I can afford to help my girlfriend go to graduate school and further her interest. My girlfriend of 6 years graduated 1 year ago with a major that she has been having trouble getting a job in. Tonight, she dropped a bombshell on me and wants to split. I feel like I've accomplished nothing. All I've been working for has just been thrown away. I lover her so much, but she said she has lost interest. For a while now actually... She says she cares about me, but I can't believe her since she has been ""dragging me around for a while now, avoiding hurting me."" I just can't do this anymore. This whole life thing. I've put in so much and I feel like I'm moving backwards. I can't talk to anyone...I'm done. Thanks for whoever read this. I'm a poor writer and I'm sure its hard to hold your attention. But if u read any part of this. Thank you and goodbye.",0.9783,positive,confident 200,depressed,I'm done.,listener_1,2,"No worries about the writing. It's the story that matters. You said yourself that you're going to finish school pretty soon and that's great. Don't let ""Job Security"" discourage you, that's just how life is unfortunately. You get shot down but it's up to you to heal those wounds. I'm sorry about the SO losing interest, I've been there friend. Don't give up on this life, It's the one thing we're all certain we have. Stay positive. If you need someone to talk to, shoot me a message.",0.8396,positive,faithful 200,depressed,I'm done.,speaker,3,It's getting worse. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep or focus. I have no one to talk to. ,-0.6486,negative,lonely 200,depressed,I'm done.,speaker,4,It's not the job security I'm worried about. Its losing everything we have worked so hard for in this relationship. ,-0.7719,negative,afraid 200,depressed,I'm done.,listener_1,5,"Hey what's up, sorry for the late response. I was babysitting and just finished watching Jurassic World. I highly recommend it if you're a Jurassic Park fan. It's like the sequel that was meant to be. The gran re-opening to Jurassic Park. What do are some things you like to do man? ",0.8313,positive,questioning 200,depressed,I'm done.,speaker,6,Its fine. I want to see that movie real badly. I love to mt bike. But my new job is keeping me from it since there's nowhere really good to bike around. ,-0.3257,negative,disappointed 200,depressed,I'm done.,listener_1,7,"Hey that's perfect though. Assuming that school and job are your biggest priorities right now. You have time to venture on your days off, try new things you haven't done before. I've never tried Mt bike but I've gone hiking. Where do you Mt bike?",0.3291,positive,questioning 200,depressed,I'm done.,speaker,8,"I've biked all over california and parts of Oregon. Its a great time. I highly recommend it. Its a bit pricey, but its super addicting. ",0.8688,positive,impressed 201,depressed,I don't know if I'm depressed or not?,speaker,1,"My mum has told me time and time again for the last 9 years of my life that I may have depression. I am nearly 25 and I am not sure if she's correct. I just figured that we all have our ups and downs. Every time I've ever done quizzes online I always get moderate/severe depression as the result. I have Aspergers syndrome and was diagnosed with it at 18. I have literally no friends or people to talk to. I have never had a friend, I have always wanted one though. I have had a few bad relationships though. Most of the time I am very happy being alone, I feel lonely when I am with people. I've never felt suicidal except when taking medicine that can have those affects (though I stopped them immediately when I realised). I don't feel helpless or hopeless but if i do it's very rare. I used to though for a while but that was a few years ago. Sometimes however I find myself needing to cry, usually there is a reason for it though (a breakup etc). However when I do cry I find myself doing it all the time, even when Im not thinking of anything. I am very bad at expressing emotions or realising the emotions I am feeling. Maybe this is why I am not sure if I am or aren't. I just feel like doing a lot of cocaine, MDMA and or drinking alcohol. I just want to find someone who loves me as much as I love them, and we get married and I be their wife. I feel i guess mainly lonely, and not happy but i guess not sad... maybe a little hollow? Also I have always had restless sleeps and lately I am sleeping way too much (11 hours on average). Also I either eat too much or too little. I get down to 50kg or up to 72kg. From this time last year I was 50 and now I am 72. I know this probably won't get any responses but I just needed to get it off my chest because I really can't tell anyone about it, only my mum but I don't want to burden her because any conversation with her is a burden. Maybe I should just see a psychologist. Thanks for reading ",-0.8944,negative,apprehensive 201,depressed,I don't know if I'm depressed or not?,listener_1,2,"Look, I'm not a psychologist. I'm not an expert in any way, shape or form, on mental health or other related issues. But from what I can see, you're clearly not feeling very well, and some of the emotions and thoughts you describe are definitely not part of a healthy lifestyle or frame of mind. I would thoroughly recommend that you go visit a psychologist, as it sounds like you need someone to talk things out with. Your problems aren't going to disappear overnight, and some may never completely go away, but there are a group of professionals out there who have dedicated their lives to alleniating the pains of people who aren't well. Even if it doesn't work out, I don't really see the harm in setting up an appointment. Because, even if it turns out your not depressed, there's definitely something wrong. Maybe, because you have Aspergers, you could find one with a history of ""treating"" people with the Syndrome, more experience can't hurt, can it? Also, I'd just like to say I'm sorry that you have to go through something like this. I don't know who you are, or your personal history, but if this helps in any way, I'd just like to say that I care. I wish you all the best, have a great day! ",0.9914,positive,agreeing 201,depressed,I don't know if I'm depressed or not?,speaker,3,Ok thank you I will. I'm not sure what ill say to them though as I have great difficulty in describing my inner thoughts and feelings (beyond those of facts or acquired knowledge). I guess that's their job to help me though haha. Ill definitely look for an autism specialist psychologist. What do you mean by something wrong if not depression? Thank you for reading and responding. ,0.8795,positive,agreeing 201,depressed,I don't know if I'm depressed or not?,listener_1,4,"Sorry, I wasn't able to get on reddit for a while. As I said earlier, I'm not an expert in any way in any specific field of mental health. I wouldn't want you to be convinced your depressed if you're afflicted by something different (what, I have no idea). I'm happy you're going to set an appointment with a psychologist, I hope it will do you some good. Have a great day, I wish you a happy life!",0.9379,positive,sympathizing 202,depressed,I'm not looking for happiness.,speaker,1,"I'm just looking for a meaningful existence. A reason to live, something to be passionate about, anything that would fulfill my desire to matter and be complete with the kind of life that I'm living. This life feels like an endless journey through an empty desert with nothing to look up for in the horizon. I'm left just with the hope that things will get better one day, because there's nothing else that I can do to escape from this place other than holding on and trying not to collapse under the weight of reality. Finding a purpose in this void seems to be so out of reach. I'm tired of living like this, I'm getting weaker and weaker with each day. I feel so numb, yet at the same time I'm in more pain than I could possibly express with words alone. It's been like this ever since I can remember myself. Life long depression, it's always been this painful and colorless existence. I'm slowly going out of my mind, I'm going crazy over the fact that my life are slipping between my hands, being wasted while I'm searching for that goal I would probably not find. Can anyone relate to this? It's maddening isn't it? This incredible amount of pain, the number of night without being able to sleep, being trapped in a storm of thoughts, like a shower of giant meteorites crashing on your brain and makes you feel like you're going to explode. Being so miserable and helpless. Well... I think that after venting that I will finally be able to go to sleep, it's 4 AM here. Hopefully I wrote everything here in a logical order and made sense. I'm exhausted now. Thank you, for whoever who read this, it's important to me. Hopefully things will get better in the future. ",-0.7843,negative,hopeful 202,depressed,I'm not looking for happiness.,listener_1,2,"I'm right there with you man. I don't have any advice or BS to give you like ""It will get better"", but I just wanted to let you know there are other people wandering in this desert with you. Stay strong. ",0.7992,positive,faithful 202,depressed,I'm not looking for happiness.,speaker,3,"Thank you, it means a lot to me. I'm sorry if you can relate to these horrible feelings. I'm wishing you strength and luck. ",0.7003,positive,sympathizing 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,speaker,1,"I decided to breakup with my girlfriend of two years. I hate myself for ignoring her for the past two months and finally talked to her today. I came to find out that I could have tried to fix everything if I'd talked to her two weeks ago. She has told her parents about everything and no longer loves me the same anymore. Her parents hate me for good now and I constantly wish I would just heel over and die. I don't even know why I ended it. I don't even know why I ignored her. I don't know why I did what I did and I hate myself for it. I hate the sight and thought of me. I've ruined everything. I'm in the darkness and I'm not sure if I want to see the light anymore. Just whatever you do think with a clear head, don't ignore people and never ever hide from you problems. I wish I could go back and hold my starry eyed girl but I can't. I miss her so much and I will never be happy again without her. ",-0.9408,negative,guilty 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,listener_1,2,"The last part... You will be happy without her. It might not be soon, but it will happen. I keep telling that to myself too. There is hope for us yet even though it feels like the end of the world in this instance. Do you play pc games?",0.9109,positive,hopeful 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,speaker,3,"I do, but I just moved to an area without internet. Have to wait for my cell data to reset. If you want to add me on steam my username is Sammyrock. It'll be around a week before I get on. ",0.1154,positive,anxious 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,speaker,4,"Sometimes an apology is all that's needed. Some things never heal, but at least you can say you tried. Be there for your child and try and fix what went wrong. I lost my dad at 11 even though I wasn't extremely young I know what it's like to grow up without a father. ",-0.5789,negative,caring 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,listener_2,5,I've attempted that. She's got a new dude and refuses to talk to me period. ,0.0,neutral,jealous 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,speaker,6,"I'm sorry, time heals all. Just remember you have a child together and don't be afraid to let her know you'd like to see em. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,sympathizing 203,depressed,I just managed to ruin a two year relationship,listener_2,7,I have. She refuses. ,0.0,neutral,annoyed 204,depressed,My brother passed away at 23,speaker,1,"It happened on Father's Day. He went into work early that morning. He came home not even an hour later saying his stomach hurt. He went to take a nap. My parents checked on him 30 minutes later to invite him to breakfast when they found him foaming at the mouth and not breathing. Now he's gone and I still can't believe it happened. I feel like it's all a dream. My family is extremely close knit and I don't know if any of us will make it through. People have been stopping by and it seems okay while they're here but during the night I cry and cry. A part of me wants to die just so I can see him again. I'm not even that religious but whatever happens after we die, i just hope I can hug him again. I miss him so much. I feel like I'll never be happy again.",-0.9343,negative,devastated 204,depressed,My brother passed away at 23,listener_1,2,"😔 I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no words that can make you feel better or even ease the pain. Just know he will always live in your heart and survive on your love. I'm not religious or anything but I like to think our loved ones go some place good and look down on us, waiting for us to come to them. I also know that your brother would not want you to end your life :) I'm sure he'd want you to carry on, have a family and tell people stories about the good times you have shared with him. And one day you'll be together again. Stay strong <3 ",0.9884,positive,sympathizing 204,depressed,My brother passed away at 23,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your kind words. I've been hearing a lot of I'm so sorry from a lot of people but hearing it from a stranger on reddit makes me feel better. I don't know why. I guess because a stranger took time out of their day to read my story and everything. Either way, thank you so much. It really means a lot to me.",0.8651,positive,grateful 204,depressed,My brother passed away at 23,listener_2,4,"OP I know I'm 13 days late, I hope your doing ok. The only thing I can say is you never fully learn to deal with it, it just gets a little better each day. Mourn with your family, try not to find yourself alone. Try to imagine good memories of your brother and reflect on them. Focus on those smells those sounds that make you happy and feel like he's there with you.",0.8692,positive,sentimental 205,depressed,Every girl I have liked has never liked me back,speaker,1,"Sigh, why is it that every girl I fall for doesn't want to be with me? I always fuck up. I've never had a girlfriend and I'm ugly as hell. Every time I do like a girl, I end up becoming obsessed with her and sending her excessive amounts of messages. I don't know when to stop and all i could think about is them. I want love from a girl who isn't family. I want to call someone ""babe"". At times, I just feel like giving up because I'll never be good enough. How i perceive myself being sweet can be seen as creepy-obsessive to others. Why can't girls I like just give me one chance...and I'll finally be able to truly smile...",0.0361,neutral,jealous 205,depressed,Every girl I have liked has never liked me back,listener_1,2,Trust me this is me as well. I become overly attached at the opportunity of a relationship and feel the same way. Feel free to pm me. Sometimes having a conversation to know it's not just you clears your sanity. ,0.8828,positive,agreeing 205,depressed,Every girl I have liked has never liked me back,speaker,3,"it's alright bro. i feel ya. This girl i met is different from the rest of previous girls i've liked. I don't know if she has a boyfriend and i'm completely obsessed with her. right now, I'm trying best not to fuck up my friendship with her... ",0.9145,positive,agreeing 206,depressed,Question about life.,speaker,1,"Hi, I don't really know where to start, I'm also not a good writer so if it's hard to read this or keep attention to it I'm sorry but for those who put the effort into reading this I thank you in advance. Lately I've been feeling overwhelmingly depressed, or discouraged with my life. I moved from Germany to Canada when I was 13 and Iam beyond thankful for the opportunities I've been given in this country but it feels like Im throwing it all away. In Germany my family was rather poor and we had a very broken life(parents had no work even though they went to universities and are very smart and hard working people,yet had barely jobs when I grew up) My mom was a nurse for 29 years and my dad has learned so many trades I can't even list them. But an opportunity came and my family got to go to Canada. Needlessly to say my life quality improved, I went to high school and ended up dropping out of my senior year over a gym credit.( I was planning on working full time to help out at home at the time since one of my parents was not working at the time and to not risk losing the house we had then. I dropped and went to adult education later on to Finish my diploma. I know I said it improved but hard times always happen. Iam still very thankful for everything we have here. When I turned 18 I started dating this girl that I'm still with after a year now and I'm thankful and glad to have her. If you're still reading I thank you, I'm sorry if this whole thing is all over the place and hard to read! I've been smoking weed for a while and it has never interfered with anything in my life not work or family. I tried mushrooms once and I had a trip that changed my view on everything. And I can't explain it but I look at everything differently now, during the trip I really pondered my life. I wanted to try them and my girlfriend was with me the whole time and she remained sober. I basiclly tripped out after eating them and had a blast for a few hours and eventually it got late and I started coming down so my girlfriend went to bed since I wasn't acting all retarded anymore and I was what I would consider well enough to not hurt myself. She goes to bed and I'm of course not tired so I smoked a few bowls and just sat there and that's when the thoughts hit me: Did I fuck up my life? I know I'm only 19 so I really want to look at some support from older people with some form of life experience to tell me what's going on. Iam manager at the little Caesars store in town, I worked hard for over a year and a half to get to run that store and I enjoy it, In fact I feel pride in running it now and being one of the youngest to do so in the store's history. But at that time I felt like a complete fuck up, never before did I feel so useless and terrible in my life. The thoughts of just being a kid that works at a pizza place went through my head, I also have visible tattoos on my forearms that I then at that moment thought of as never letting me have a professional job. All of a sudden dropping out and doing my diploma a semester later felt like the biggest mistake of my life, I can't explain it but it felt like I was just another dead beat low life and with my parents who went to universities and having had great and well paying jobs in the past I felt like the failure of the family. Continuous waves of thoughts about being a fuck up and terrible person who won't be able to provide for my girlfriend or myself went through my head. I eventually threw up and joined my girlfriend in bed. Now I can't get these thoughts COmpletly out of my head, I know most of it was very exaggerated and Iam still very young and so I'm dismissing most of it on the drugs I was taking but I jsut want to hear opinions or stories from someone else here who might be able to help me out here. Thanks for reading, since I'm new to reddit I'll be posting this on a few subreddits since I don't really know where to post this. Thanks again! God I just re-read this after posting and I had to laugh, again sorry if it's all over the place and written poorly.",0.9953,positive,sympathizing 206,depressed,Question about life.,listener_1,2,Sorry bud but no one can even begin to answer this. This question is too big for us to answer. Most of the people on here are around 10-18 years old and your at an older stage of life then most of us. But what I recommend is finding some adult help and do something about this glimpse of realization ,0.5927,positive,sympathizing 206,depressed,Question about life.,speaker,3,"Thanks for sharing this man, I'm glad I'm not the only ones with these thoughts :) rock on dude!",0.8999,positive,acknowledging 207,depressed,"No hobbies, nothing",speaker,1,"I don't do anything during my day. I don't have a job. I feel worthless. I feel too crazy for this world. I don't enjoy things, I don't have hobbies, I don't have anything anymore. I can't enjoy something for too long of a period of time. I don't even like video games. I just can't get ""into"" anything.",-0.8926,negative,lonely 207,depressed,"No hobbies, nothing",listener_1,2,"If this is so, you will love meditation. It is the ultimate in doing nothing. Doing nothing is a lost art. Most humans scurry around in desperation from one distraction or sensation to the next. Few are those who can look nothing in the eye and do nothing about it. I am like you. My favorite activity is doing nothing. Hobbies are a waste of time during which one could be doing nothing at all. Jobs are overrated and a waste of time. Video games are for zombies who have time to waste. Doing nothing whatsoever is the right thing to do anytime, anywhere and for any reason.",-0.3265,negative,lonely 207,depressed,"No hobbies, nothing",listener_2,3,I'm going to try this out. I'm in the same boat as OP but I do play video games. Hopefully this is more productive until I can find a job. Thank you. ,0.872,positive,encouraging 207,depressed,"No hobbies, nothing",speaker,4,Thank you for this and giving me nothing to do :). How do I start? Do I look for something in my thoughts while meditating? ,0.644,positive,questioning 207,depressed,"No hobbies, nothing",listener_1,5,Do absolutely nothing when meditating. Meditation is total passivity.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 208,depressed,Need some advice. Serious advice. I do not even go on FB due to the sheer embarrassment.,speaker,1,"Okay this is going to be a very long story. I am a 22 year old female who was adopted by parents who only did it for the money. I was raised in a cult and abused by my parents until I was 13 years old. I was adopted from birth. I have been basically been homeless since I was 18. I have a 3 year old daughter who I haven't taken care of because of my insecurities. She lives with her father. I call her and send her clothes but I wany to get her back. I have been moving from place to place since I was 18. This is where I need a lot of serious advice. I met a man about 7 months ago and I potentially ruined his life but I think about him everyday. Our relationship started out purely sexual but I was so embarrassed of myself I lied to him the entire time and did massive amounts of drugs while being with him and his friends. I lived in Pa and became homeless because my roommates moved to Alaska so I moved to Florida with someone who I thought was my best friend. Turns out he was a heroin addict and since I succumb to peer pressure easily I started shooting but that only lasted 2 weeks because I got an infection in my hand and almost died. I also quit my job and having no savings started prostituting myself to ""pay my bills"". I would party with my friends and do molly and cocaine just to impress people. Anyway the guy I was with had never been to my apt because he lived in a house and I was embarrassed living in a studio with 4 people. On top of that I was prostituting and chilling with his friends for no good reason. Then when he said he was going to leave me I tried to turn my life around while keeping everything that I was doing a secret from him. I lied to him about my job and told him I worked at a non-profit which I didn't. Then on top of that my friend in the north had a non-profit and I came up with an idea to improve it but there was no evidence that anything was getting done. In an effort to try and keep this man I tried to open a non-profit in him and his friends name. All the while having no idea how to do it. I lied and said that the one in the north got a million dollar grant from the government and it wasn't true. Umm then since I was spending so my time with this man my friend got jealous and kicked me ouy on the street. I was literally sleeping outside with these random homeless people I met. The man who I was sleeping with fell for me but he would lie to me about stuff too. He was sleeping with prostitutes which I did not mind. He also was sleeping with other women which I didn't mind. Also I left him for three weeks to try and help my friend with his non-profit in the north over thanksgiving and came back right before Christmas but I may or may not have been pregnant because I went to the hospital because I have angina and when I went the doctors said I was and I told him I was but whenever I took tests they said negative but I had all the symptoms. Due to all the stress I may have miscarried and told him within that 3 week span. We were together for 5 months. Meeting every weekend and just having a mostly physical relationship. Anyway as soon as I got back my roommate kicked me out and I didn't want to tell the guy so I slept on the street instead. Got raped right before new years told him and he didn't know what to say. I think I may have had a manic episode and now we do not speak at all. While I was sleeping outside I got arrested for trespassing and now have a felony because I had 4 unprescribed muscle relaxers on me. Now I am working on getting it off my record, I go to church often, work a normal job and maintaining a relationship with my daughter. Also I lied to him about having lots of money. Which I had none. By either march or January this will be off of my record. Also I blew his enemy on new years cause he refued to hang out with me. When he found out I was in jail he td me to never call him again. My questions are do I have a chance of getting back with this guy because I feel like he was the one? What do you advise I do and what can I do to make mysf better? I felt like I was in a dream world or a trance when I was with him. Also I do not leave my house because I am afraid of running inot his friends which I did the other day and they laughed at me. I am a horrible excuse for a human being. He is miserable now and I do not know if it is because he misses me or just choose the wrong woman again. Should i message him? At least to apologize? Or should I leave him be? I have not spoken to him or his friends in 7 months. He said we could get back together later but right now I am about 6 months away from getting my daughter back and I want some advice.",-0.8202,negative,trusting 208,depressed,Need some advice. Serious advice. I do not even go on FB due to the sheer embarrassment.,listener_1,2,"Holy shit, This is so far above my pay grade I don't even. If I was him, I would have moved on after 7 months. If you feel you can keep your shit together and need him in your life to be happy, I don't think there's any harm in contacting him. Please note that at least for me, you would be on such thin ice that there's no way I would trust you and would want to distance myself at the FIRST INSTANCE OF SKETCH coming from your direction.",-0.5719,negative,furious 208,depressed,Need some advice. Serious advice. I do not even go on FB due to the sheer embarrassment.,speaker,3,So should I text him or not? I think about him constantly and wish things did not turn out that way at all. So what should I do? ,0.4696,positive,apprehensive 209,depressed,This is weird. Don't reply I guess.,speaker,1,"I've never posted here before. I thought I had a handle on depression. Hell, I don't admit I have it half the time. I know this will get no attention an I don't fucking care. Honestly. I'm not looking for it. I just feel like shit. I feel empty. I don't know anymore. I used to cut a lot but at this point I just feel to sad and lazy and depressed to even do that. I think about it a lot. I do. I miss it. I want it. I feel sad. I can't stop hating myself. I don't know if I want to stop anymore. I just want to sit and stare and never do anything ever again. It's funny how quickly my life could be worthless. It's funny how my old friends told me thr I was rich and stuck up. I'm not. I'm really not. Every cent I have I've earned. I've saved for years so I could have something. I was just ridiculed. I was called a slut and a skinny bitch even though at that point I had never even had sex. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I let everyone down by ignoring them. I stopped talking to everyone I knew about a year ago. I haven't talked to them since. I feel horrible but most if them were horrible. I honestly don't know what to do. I don't. I don't know what I want to get out of this. I just need to type. I'm not pitying myself and I'm not looking for attention. Fuck. Just don't reply. ",-0.9868,negative,sad 210,depressed,I'm just so tired of it all and need some people behind me.,speaker,1,"Ive just been having some of the worst months of my life, I feel shut down and weak. My family has been killing me and I cant live my life. Ive been shouted at for who I am and what a nerd and how different I am. Im just tired of it today has been so much crap that I didn't know where to go and my normal support hasn't been helping. I just need some words of encouragement, and hopefully I can help some other people having bad days too. Everyone needs a boost sometimes. (PS. First time ever using reddit....)",-0.9035,negative,grateful 210,depressed,I'm just so tired of it all and need some people behind me.,listener_1,2,"Hey there, i just want to start off by saying I've also been having the worst time. But I suffer just from depression there's no specific reason why, it's just happens to me. You're not alone. Some days I'm ok and I'm enjoying life, other days I have no clue what I'm doing and why I'm fucking everything up, I still hold the belief that I'm a failure and I know it's wrong, but it's how I see myself. The best words I can say is don't try to fix yourself, don't try to figure out what your doing wrong. Just act as normal as you can and talk it out. Keep a journal, or something. I'm beginning to seek a counselor (therapy but I'm not crazy) to deal with my depression. If you need to talk I'm here OP. On the whole nerd thing: I'm a nerd too. A super nerd, I play Destiny like 24/7, I love comic-to-movie adaptations (guardians of the galaxy is my favorite), and I work at Apple, so the environment is definitely a great one, anytime I go there I usually feel ok (even though I'm just putting on a mask so others don't see what I deal with). Be proud of your knowledge base no matter what it is.",0.9246,positive,sad 210,depressed,I'm just so tired of it all and need some people behind me.,speaker,3,"Hey thanks. That really, really helps, especially from someone who works in the field that im going for. I just finished my first year in college as a computer science major but im having a hard time. Also therapy is really helpful, I love it and all its done for me but they can only help as much as you let them you know what I mean? I deal with no real reason issues too and I almost ripped out the best parts of my life, but I worked hard to hold it together. Now theres a reason however its a lot harder haha.",0.9769,positive,acknowledging 210,depressed,I'm just so tired of it all and need some people behind me.,speaker,4,Its frigan killing me. I don't know im just tired of my home and how everyone looks down on my choices. I feel like every step is being frigan judged. ,-0.7003,negative,angry 211,depressed,what am i supposed to live for?,speaker,1,i know no ones gonna care to reply or anything because theys alot more people that deserve the attention on this sub reddit but ive been living with no purpose with no reason for a while and honestly i cant take it anymore i want out live just sucks ass,-0.8248,negative,sad 211,depressed,what am i supposed to live for?,listener_1,2,i don't think there is a reason. Often times i just try to stick around to see what's next.,0.0,neutral,neutral 211,depressed,what am i supposed to live for?,speaker,3,im sick of it im sick of waiting im sick of just waiting for my death,-0.93,negative,disgusted 211,depressed,what am i supposed to live for?,listener_2,4,"Someone will appreciate your life, do it for them if you can't for yourself ",0.4019,positive,grateful 211,depressed,what am i supposed to live for?,listener_3,5,same here,0.0,neutral,agreeing 212,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,speaker,1,"When my problems started, I used to sleep whenever I could, just to get lost in this dream world I had built where everything was perfect. I would even cry myself to sleep. I cant even do that anymore. I cant sleep or cry to calm down. Its hard to sleep in the day. At night I finally fall asleep due to exhaustion. When I wake up in the morning I'm again tired. I cant feel emotions anymore. I have no feelings left. I have no idea what I'm doing. At times I feel like just leaving everything and just going. No idea where but just go and never stop. Keep moving and moving until one day I find inner peace.",0.5939,positive,sad 212,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_1,2,"I feel the same as you. I've always been a depressed person yet in the recent years my depression seems to be accelerating in tremendous speed, each day I'm losing more of my emotions, more of my hopes, more of my dreams, more of what makes me a living human and not just a lifeless shell. In this rate I'm probably going to end up losing my mind and live the rest of my life miserably, or end them early in order to avoid an humiliating death as an old and insane person. You're not alone in this. I can relate to you, even if the pain you experience is so overwhelming to point that sometimes it seems like it's unnatural, remember that it isn't. There are other people like you fighting and struggling with these exact same feelings. I can't offer much of an advice, so I'm wishing you good luck, as another person living far away who is struggling with the same thing. ",-0.9506,negative,sad 212,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,speaker,3,"You've captured what is going on with me. While words can in no way describe it, I hope we all find some peace before we go into a shell and become just bodies wandering this planet",0.6369,positive,sentimental 213,depressed,I feel so alone in the world.,speaker,1,"So here's my rant. I have never had an intimate relationship with someone, and I don't have any friends. They all left and moved on to bigger and better things. I'm headed down the path I always dreamed about, but I don't feel any happiness still. I want to feel and be truly happy, but I'm so lost and lonely. When I'm alone with my thoughts I tend to think of suicide very often, and I begin to talk to myself during which I criticize and judge myself. I want to stop, but I truly can't. I feel like I'm walking up stairs with huge gaps and pieces of steps missing. I'm moving through life missing out on so much because of these feelings. I hate myself. ",-0.9746,negative,lonely 213,depressed,I feel so alone in the world.,listener_1,2,"Alright. No. I want to apologize. I hit up vote. And I didn't even bother to say hello. Such is the world we live in today. Or at least the world I live in. I can't make eye contact with anyone. And I realize that such a simple thing can be an act of insult because simple eye contact can become simple acknowledgement and that can be a very powerful thing. So I want to say, I acknowledge you. I acknowledge your loneliness. And I stand with you. I feel the same way. I feel like I am alone in a crowded room. And it hurts me to the very core. But alas, I can smile. Because I have corrected one mistake out of millions I have made before. I hope you can smile too; You are not alone. We are alone together. I have decided I will affect change; I have waited too long. >edit; 7:20PM I'm editing because I wanted to hit post as soon as possible. It occurred to me that I don't know you. Nor do I know any of the 8 (7?) people that hit upvote before me. I acted rashly and I ~~want~~ *needed* to apologize. I thought ""hey, 8(7?) people did it before me, maybe this will cheer this person up. i feel the same way, and reading that someone else does makes me feel better. so yeah cool."" FULL-STOP. >It took me... maybe iuno a few hours? Before I realized oh no. That could have been TERRIBLE. So Hello. I'm sorry I walked by and said nothing. Would you forgive me? I'm not sure how I could live with myself if it turns out... instead of *helping*, I **hurt** you instead. Please, accept my apology. Sincerely, Griffin.",0.9647,positive,ashamed 213,depressed,I feel so alone in the world.,speaker,3,"Ya know what, now that I think about it. I was pretty sad that no one responded because I was sure that someone would relate to my situation, but when I saw no messages or comments I felt even more alone. After seeing your comment and hearing you voice your situation I was smiling that someone out there would take the time of out their day to voice their relation to me. I'm sad that you and I are in this situation, but I'm glad you shared with me and acknowledged me. Thank you and no need to apologize for being ""late"". ",0.5204,positive,lonely 213,depressed,I feel so alone in the world.,listener_1,4,"Thank you! For being able to be forgiving. I often assume the worst, and I generally think that people are vindictive or whatever (idk why this is relevant. I'm starting to rant but I'm in a ranty mood. especially since I'm happy you're okay, but now I'm beginning to wonder about the other 7(6?) people who upvoted also. do they get notifications? i'm new here and I haven't figured out how this works.) I want to believe otherwise. And so, starting today, I will try my best to practice what I preach.",0.9427,positive,neutral 214,depressed,"I've never been good at anything artistic, and this is probably shit compared to things others have posted. But here's a poem.",speaker,1,"I've flushed drugs down the toilet, got hopes in the sewer Guess my teachers weren't lying when they said that I'm a loser I'm just destined to lose, but can you really blame me When my only friend is my booze and my love life's imaginary? Maybe I was lazy, or perhaps I'm just dumb But the gutter is my answer when they ask me where I'm from",-0.1031,negative,lonely 214,depressed,"I've never been good at anything artistic, and this is probably shit compared to things others have posted. But here's a poem.",listener_1,2,"well, can't say it isn't fitting for the depression sub. i actually love it tbh. my english major/professional editor in me likes it too. but frankly that doesn't matter anyway. it's poetry and sometimes it can be great because it's personal and just for you. and that's okay. no one if trying to impress anybody. it's one of the most enjoyable, cathartic things you can do. it's simple, to the point, and straightforward. and that's all qualities i like. don't ever worry about it being *shit* or whatever. it's yours and that's all that matters. I mean if you are looking for feedback or curious about an edit or trying to submit it anywhere let me know and i'd be more than happy to work with you. that said, i really enjoyed it. sometimes we like to wallow in our misery type thing, you know? anyone with depression usually understands that. i don't know why the fuck that is. it's kind of wild but it's the truth. and with that in consideration i really really like it. and totally get where you're coming from. in such a short few sentences you really convey a whole lot of related issues we all go through and deal with when dealing with depression. and that's impressive.",0.9753,positive,neutral 214,depressed,"I've never been good at anything artistic, and this is probably shit compared to things others have posted. But here's a poem.",speaker,3,"Thanks, I really appreciate that. I did write it just for me to be honest, but I figured I'd post it here. Maybe someone else could see it and it might make them feel something. ",0.6245,positive,suggesting 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,speaker,1,"[PART 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3d6gaa/my_massive_list_of_depression_resources_part_2/) *** As many of you are aware, this was previously up in r/depression. Without my knowledge or consent, the mods deleted the posts almost a year after I first posted them and several months after I reposted them. Their reasoning was inane- even though the posts had been up a year and had more than 2000 upvotes and countless comments on how helpful the links were, the mods apparently decided they couldn't condone a ""random' list of links they personally didn't vet. Since that time, I've been receiving non-stop private messages looking for the posts and if I can send the links. But the mods here at /r/depressed have been grateful enough to allow me to repost these lists and hopefully they will find their way to those who need them even though this is a small subreddit. A quick overview on myself, I am a 34 year old and was diagnosed with depression at a very early age. I have been on medication non-stop for 22 years and will continue to be on it the rest of my life most likely. Even though I am on medication, and without it I would lose my mind, I have been on more medications and combinations of medications than I can count and am considered treatment resistant because I've never fully responded to any treatment. I am considered to have what is called double depression, which means I go from dysthymia to varying degrees in severity of major depression- which means I don't get breaks between episodes. I have numerous other symptoms that developed from long term depression, which means each and every day is a battle against both my mind *and* my body. I’m not sure there’s much I haven’t tried- years of talk therapy, sports and exercise, yoga, hypnotherapy, acupuncture, massage, diet change, travelling around the world, jumping out of planes… the list goes on. I have checked into programs at psychiatric hospitals, have been through rounds of ECT without change, and was part of a specialized TMS study that fully maps my brain in order to pinpoint a consistent spot within a few millimeters. During this study, I had consistent PET and MEG scans to note the effects (or lack of) during the trial to give the doctors an objective documentation, rather than just my subjective reporting of how I feel, of the effects on my brain. In trial reports, I am referred to as the non-responder. Depression is visible on my brain scans as easily as a broken arm is on an x-ray. But all that I have said about depression and how I’ve attempted to treat it is applicable only to me. What has or hasn’t worked for me, what caused side effects and what caused no effects, are in no way indicative of how they will affect anyone else. And the depression itself presents in many forms, even within one person. I do believe for some people it is a disease while for others it is a condition. Also I think the spectrum of severity is so vast that it does both the sufferers and the societal stigma a great disservice to have a single word that someone uses when they are having a bad hair day to the diagnosis given to someone in a vegetative, non-functioning state looking for death to come. I liken it to the lung condition spectrum. On one end you have the sniffles, then the cold, the flu, bronchitis, pneumonia, emphysema, and end stage lung cancer on the far end. Only you can only use the word ""the flu"" to describe every one of these conditions. So you have both sufferers and non-sufferers alike telling people at the end stage lung cancer part of the spectrum that if they just pop a few echinacea and get some rest, they'll be feeling fine in a day or two. No one flippantly says, ""I'm feeling a little diabetic today,"" or ""I think I'm going into an episode of leukemia from all the stress lately in my life"" - this is why even those that have suffered from depression help perpetrate the stigma because they judge others based on what treatment helped them in their specific state or however they specifically felt or how long it took them to get over it. If I hear I'll be helped by yoga and meditation one more time... For most people, depression is treatable, but there is no instant fix or single miracle cure. Be your own advocate in your treatment and follow any path that you think may help bring you relief. I realize it's hard to fight to reclaim your life against a disease controlling your mind and saying you'd be better off dead, but this is why those who battle depression are the strongest people you'll ever meet. We don't have people bringing us casseroles, sending us get well cards, co-workers offering to fill in extra hours, people posting facebook messages about how they are praying for us, no one calling to check in on us, or often don't even have the luxury of publicly naming our disease without fear of backlash and shaming and judgment. But we do it- we continue to live each day running on empty, bound and chained down by what Professor Robert Sapolsky calls, ""the worst disease you can get"" and what renowned psychiatrist Peter Kramer believes is the ""most devastating disease known to mankind."" And those who don't make it through another day, they didn't give up- they simply lost the battle to a powerful enemy. Depression fucking sucks. Fear of death is not nearly as scary as fear of living another day. But how do we see most diagnosed with serious illnesses? Rotten luck. There is no shame in suffering the illness of depression. It’s just rotten fucking luck. I will be periodically updating and adding more links as I come across additional helpful information. Please share and spread the word! **I made previous posts with numerous depression resources already, so rather than repeat these links here, I will just include the links to the original posts:** 1. [What Do You Know About Depression - posted in TwoXChromosomes](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/) 2. [Resources for moms, those who are going to be moms, and those who want to be moms who have depression](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q929h/resources_for_moms_those_who_are_going_to_be_moms/) 3. [Sex, depression, and anti-depressants. An excerpt from the Prozac Diary.](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/vj933/sex_depression_and_antidepressants_an_excerpt/) 4. http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/o6yno/everyone_must_see_not_only_this_subreddit/ 5. [I am in a research study for TMS run by biomed PhD students, one asked me to write down how I feel- this is what I wrote.](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3fkqmu/i_am_in_a_research_study_for_tms_run_by_biomed/) 6. http://imgur.com/a/fr7cj *** **quotes:** http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3nwbge http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3nwery http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3nwljg http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3nx6cq http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3nxcht http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c3p0jm7 http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/c49rp5a *** **Recommended Books** [The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon](http://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882) [Prozac Diary by Lauren Slater](http://www.amazon.com/Prozac-Diary-Lauren-Slater/dp/0140263942/) [Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel](http://www.amazon.com/Prozac-Nation-Elizabeth-Wurtzel/dp/1573229628) [Undercurrents by Martha Manning](http://www.amazon.com/Undercurrents-Beneath-Surface-Martha-Manning/dp/006251184X) [Morning Has Broken by Phil and Emme Aronson (great for couples with one depressed partner)](http://www.amazon.com/Morning-Has-Broken-Couples-Depression/dp/0451219627) [Darkness Visible by William Styron](http://www.amazon.com/Darkness-Visible-Madness-William-Styron/dp/0679736395) [Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison (about bipolar but describes the depression part perfectly)](http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309) [The Beast by Tracy Thompson](http://www.amazon.com/Beast-Journey-Through-Depression/dp/0452276950) [Against Depression both by Peter Kramer](http://www.amazon.com/Against-Depression-Peter-D-Kramer/dp/0143036963) [Listening to Prozac by Peter Kramer](http://www.amazon.com/Listening-Prozac-Landmark-Antidepressants-Remaking/dp/0140266712) [Living with Depression: Why Biology and Biography Matter by Deborah Serani](http://www.amazon.com/Living-Depression-Biology-Biography-Healing/dp/1442224010) [Shoot the Damn Dog by Sally Brampton](http://www.amazon.com/Shoot-Damn-Dog-Memoir-Depression/dp/0393346080/) [On The Edge of Darkness by Kathy Cronkite](http://www.amazon.com/Edge-Darkness-Conversations-Conquering-Depression/dp/0385314264) [Not Alone: Stories Of Living With Depression]( http://www.amazon.com/Not-Alone-Stories-Living-Depression/dp/0615532675) [Unholy Ghost: Writers on Depression](http://www.amazon.com/Unholy-Ghost-Depression-Nell-Casey/dp/0060007826) [What to Do When Someone You Love is Depressed by Mitch Golant](http://www.amazon.com/What-When-Someone-Depressed-Second/dp/0805082778) [How You Can Survive When They're Depressed by Anne Sheffield](http://www.amazon.com/How-Survive-When-Theyre-Depressed/dp/0609804154/) [Depression Fallout: The Impact of Depression on Couples and What You Can Do to Preserve the Bond by Anne Sheffield (www.depressionfallout.com)](http://www.amazon.com/Depression-Fallout-Impact-Couples-Preserve/dp/0060009349) [Living with Depression: How to cope when your partner is depressed by Caroline Carr (www.mypartnerisdepressed.com)](http://www.amazon.com/Living-Depression-cope-partner-depressed-ebook/dp/B009EP80NQ) [Talking to Depression by Claudia Strauss](http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Depression-Connect-Someone-Depressed/dp/0451209869) [Living with a Depressed Person](http://www.amazon.com/Living-Depressed-Person-Depression-Understanding-ebook/dp/B00NG97QNG) [When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Losing Yourself by Laura Epstein Rosen](http://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-You-Love-Depressed/dp/0684834073) [Living with a Depressed Spouse by Gay Ingram]( http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/handbook-of-depression-third-edition-ian-h-gotlib-phd/1117496303?ean=9781462509379) [Dealing with a Depressed Person](http://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Depressed-Person-Depression-Disorders-ebook/dp/B00HZD56FE) [Dancing in the Dark: How to Take Care of Yourself When Someone You Love Is Depressed](http://www.amazon.com/Dancing-Dark-Yourself-Someone-Depressed/dp/1936290707) [medical manual by Jamison and Goodwin](http://www.amazon.com/Manic-Depressive-Illness-Disorders-Recurrent-Depression/dp/0195135792) *** **How-to Books:** [Depression for Dummies](http://www.amazon.com/Depression-For-Dummies-Laura-Smith/dp/0764539000) [Feeling Good by David Burns](http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336) [Dan Siegel ""The Neurobiology of We""](http://www.amazon.com/The-Neurobiology-We-Relationships-Interact/dp/159179949X9) [Peter Levine ""The Unspoken Voice; How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness.""](http://www.amazon.com/Unspoken-Voice-Releases-Restores-Goodness/dp/1556439431) [Jack Kornfield ""Wise Heart""](http://www.amazon.com/Wise-Heart-Universal-Teachings-Psychology/dp/0553382330) [Russ Harris “The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living”](http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Trap-Struggling-Start-Living/dp/1590305841) [Winter Blues by Norman Rosenthal (seasonal affective disorder)](http://www.amazon.com/Winter-Blues-Fourth-Everything-Affective/dp/1609181859) *** **videos** (take the time to watch, may change your life) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc (best presentation of depression ever) http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/video-ch_01.html (excellent documentary) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UI-YvrHZVvk&t=4m40s (you will be crying by the end) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3yqXeLJ0Kg (powerful TEDx talk on stigma) [Explaining My Depression to My Mother](http://www.upworthy.com/a-mother-doesnt-understand-why-her-daughters-depressed-her-daughter-clears-that-up-for-her?c=ufb1y) (powerful) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeXVRhN3Vs4&feature=relmfu (part two of a three part BBC special on depression: diagnosis and stigma) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/16/depression-my-story_n_1153050.html (quick clip) http://watch.wliw.org/video/1317618543/ (Mike Wallace on his depression and suicide attempt) [This Emotional Life, episode Facing Our Fears, start at the 1hr 3 min mark](http://www.newyorkfestivals.com/winners/2011/pieces-mobile.php?iid=415246&pid=1) **podcast:** http://sharedepression.podbean.com/ (one on developing depression due to emotionally abusive parents; second on personal experience with mdd) [pbs out of the shadows](http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/video-ch_01.html) [PBS Take One Step](http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/video-pauley_01.html) [Coping with depression (1/3)](http://www.open.edu/openlearn/society/politics-policy-people/sociology/coping-depression) [Depression: diagnosis and stigma (2/3)](http://www.open.edu/openlearn/society/politics-policy-people/sociology/coping-depression?track=cdc1dbd105) [Depression and drug use (3/3)](http://www.open.edu/openlearn/society/politics-policy-people/sociology/coping-depression?track=d060b7703b) [World Health Organization's I had a black dog, his name was depression](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=XiCrniLQGYc) [Getting Better](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFgQzaaUwqQ&feature=g-u-u) http://www.ted.com/playlists/175/the_struggle_of_mental_health [TMS](http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/body/mind-control-TMS.html) [Suicide Video 3 - Breaking the aftermath myth](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA9qmLXLR7w&list=FL5j_PekuGY_ImIr3IwO9Wlw) [what is depression](http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=IeZCmqePLzM) [Coping with depression as a teen](http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0110vrw) [dysthymia](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-jhudDI7lw&feature=relmfu) [Speaking About Depression video series](http://www.everydayhealth.com/health-report/major-depression/depression-video-series.aspx) http://www.projecturok.org/ [Recovering From Depression and Difficulty: Finding Meaning in Adversity ](http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/major-depressive-disorder/recovering-depression-and-difficulty-finding-meaning-adversity) [How the worst moments in our lives make us who we are](http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_how_the_worst_moments_in_our_lives_make_us_who_we_are) [Depression, the Secret We Share]( http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_depression_the_secret_we_share) [Love, No matter What]( http://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_love_no_matter_what) Mark Henick: Why We Choose Suicide - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1QoyTmeAYw JD Schramm: Break the silence for suicide survivors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy4yby7ZAd0 Vikram Patel: Mental health for all by involving all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzm4gpAKrBk Depression is a disease of civilization - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drv3BP0Fdi8 Depression: The misunderstood epidemic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J3L6Nwr8fp8 [On living with depression and suicidal feelings | Sami Moukaddem ]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sorMd2ZHWM8) [Brené Brown on Empathy ]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw) [The taboo of depression | Silja Björk Björnsdóttir | TEDxReykjavík]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxT2HssjIfU) [Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison on depression and suicide ]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VGM1YjHn8c) [Psychologist Kay Redfield Jamison on Battling Depression ]( http://www.disclose.tv/action/viewvideo/129444/Psychologist_Kay_Redfield_Jamison_on_Battling_Depression/) [Kay Redfield Jamison on Understanding Suicide ]( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVV6vlaSfVQ) [Sherwin Nuland: How electroshock therapy changed me]( http://www.ted.com/talks/sherwin_nuland_on_electroshock_therapy?language=en) [Kevin Briggs: The bridge between suicide and life]( https://www.ted.com/talks/kevin_briggs_the_bridge_between_suicide_and_life) *** I just got my monthly flyer from my HMO (called HealthTalk). In this month's edition, they have a section on depression. To quote them, ""depression is a medical problem, like having diabetes or needing eyeglasses. It is nothing to be ashamed of..."" Yet their policy won't cover any hospitalization or in-patient treatment facility for mental health issues. Also, there is a set limit on psychiatry visits and no coverage for therapy visits (even though this flyer points out how crucial therapy is for recovery). So no, they do not treat mental health like diabetes, and certainly don't treat it like a medical issue requiring medical treatment. The kicker is the section is with a picture of smiling doctor in a lab coat with a stethoscope saying he's here to help- yet he is a medical doctor in a hospital or medical facility, not a psychiatrist (just a guess given the lab coat and stethoscope)- the exact people this insurance policy gives absolutely no coverage to see. *** suicide: [Night Falls Fast](http://www.amazon.com/Night-Falls-Fast-Understanding-Suicide/dp/0375701478) from the r/suicidewatch mods: [proven strategies for helping someone at risk:](http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/igh87/concerned_but_dont_know_what_to_say_here_are_some/) [Worried about someone who may be suicidal? Here's some info about how to assess risk.](http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c7nqf/worried_about_someone_who_may_be_suicidal_heres/) [If you've lost someone to suicide, here are some resources just for you.](http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/i25yy/if_youve_lost_someone_to_suicide_here_are_some/) [Helpful resources for those struggling with suicidal thoughts and feelings](http://www.reddit.com/r/SWResources/comments/1c3p3z/helpful_resources_for_those_struggling_with/) *** ** articles** http://www.wingofmadness.com/ http://www.wingofmadness.com/category/articles http://www.healthyplace.com/depression/depression-treatment/gold-standard-for-treating-depression-toc/ [We tell boys not to cry, then wonder about male suicide](http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/jan/17/boys-cry-male-suicide-dean-windass) [How to deal with depression for men](http://www.shortlist.com/home/how-to-deal-with-depression) [In Defense of Antidepressants](http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/10/opinion/sunday/10antidepressants.html?pagewanted=1) [Global depression stats](http://www.biomedcentral.com/presscenter/pressreleases/20110722) [young men and suicide](http://www.menshealth.com/health/young-american-men-and-suicide) [Depression: An Evolutionary Byproduct of Immune System?](http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/03/120301103756.htm) [Mental Breakdown (personal story)](http://percyhallow.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/mental-break-down.html) http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/ [The truth about depression](http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2012/mar/14/truth-about-depression) [Against Depression](http://thevine.com.au/life/thoughts/against-depression/) [The Wrong Story About Depression](http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/09/opinion/09warner.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=wrong%20depression&st=cse) [30 Sufferers Describe Depression for People Who’ve Never Been Depressed]( http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/danny-baker/depression_b_5267263.html) [Mental health care advocate born of adversity](http://www.jsonline.com/news/milwaukee/mental-health-care-advocate-born-of-adversity-tn4ajnt-143074756.html) [Lives Cut Short by Depression](http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/09/lives-cut-short-by-depression/?ref=health) [One-on-One with Mike Wallace](http://www.saturdayeveningpost.com/2012/04/09/archives/then-and-now/from-our-archives-one-on-one-with-mike-wallace.html) [I've had clinical depression for almost a decade](http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-contest-entry-ive-had-clinical-depression-for-almost-a-decade) [Post-Prozac Nation: The Science and History of Treating Depression](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/magazine/the-science-and-history-of-treating-depression.html?_r=1&ref=magazine&pagewanted=all) [New View of Depression: An Ailment of the Entire Body](http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304587704577333941351135910.html) [Prisoners of depression](http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1029764/index.htm) [Sadness and Depression Are Not Synonymous ](http://www.healthieryou.com/exclusive/depvssad.html) [Bravo to MPs who admit their struggles with depression: the disease is awful enough without the stigma](http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/culture/jamesrhodes/100064377/bravo-to-mps-who-admit-their-struggles-with-depression-the-disease-is-awful-enough-without-the-stigma/) [Let’s All Trash Antidepressants (Not!)](http://www.wingofmadness.com/lets-all-trash-antidepressants-not-1720) [Antidepressant Critics Argue That There's No Such Thing as an Antidepressant](http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2012/07/13/antidepressant_critics_argue_that_there_s_no_such_thing_as_an_antidepressant.html) [dysthymia](http://www.webmd.com/depression/guide/chronic-depression-dysthymia) [Bedfellows: Insomnia and Depression](http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200307/bedfellows-insomnia-and-depression) [10 Common Myths About Clinical Depression](http://onlinepsychologydegrees.org/10-common-myths-about-clinical-depression/) [30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself](http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/) [What to Do During the First Two Weeks You’re Waiting for Your Antidepressants to Kick In](http://www.wingofmadness.com/what-to-do-during-the-first-two-weeks-27) [What to Do (On and Off the Web) While You’re Waiting for Your Antidepressants to Kick In](http://www.wingofmadness.com/what-to-do-on-and-off-the-web-while-youre-waiting-for-your-17) [DEPRESSION IS NOT SADNESS: JUNIOR SEAU AND PUBLIC DISCOURSE ON MENTAL ILLNESS ](http://inourwordsblog.com/2012/06/26/depression-is-not-sadness-reflecting-on-personal-and-public-stories/) [Light Therapy for Seasonal Affective Disorder ](http://www.wingofmadness.com/frequently-asked-questions-about-light-therapy-for-seasonal-affective-disorder-depression-1796) [Depression in Children](http://www.wingofmadness.com/depression-and-children-10) [Depression in Women and Girls](http://www.wingofmadness.com/depression-and-women-depression-and-girls-36) [What do you do if your antidepressant “kind of” works? ](http://www.wingofmadness.com/what-do-you-do-if-your-antidepressant-kind-of-works-1714) [dealing with depression](http://www.yotsubasociety.org/dealing_with_depression) [teens and depression](http://www.teensforteens.net/) [Are depressed kids bully magnets?](http://www.cnn.com/2012/02/08/health/depressed-kids-bully-magnets/index.html) [Non-traditional symptoms of depression](http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/18/115607/traditional ) [Talking to Your Doc about Changing Meds](http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/18/75436/talking-medication) [emdr](http://consults.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/02/the-evidence-on-e-m-d-r/) [What are antidepressants' long-term effects?](http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/expert.q.a/03/16/antidepressants.long.term.effects/index.html) [Working in mental health is not like fixing broken legs ](http://www.theguardian.com/healthcare-network/views-from-the-nhs-frontline/2015/jun/15/working-in-mental-health-not-fixing-broken-legs-budget-services) [Working Through Depression: Many Stay On The Job, Despite Mental Illness ](http://www.npr.org/2015/04/12/398811515/working-through-depression-many-stay-on-the-job-despite-mental-illness) [Depression Is NOT a Mental Illness – It’s Physical]( http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jamie-flexman/depression-mental-illness_b_3931629.html) [Culture and Depression]( http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=qSXap1Us-CAC&oi=fnd&pg=PR4&dq=is+depression+cultural&ots=gcFf1tVm03&sig=Yeg3C-Fa74mQ3Iru_6_jsdlFwqk#v=onepage&q=is%20depression%20cultural&f=false) (book) [Understanding depression across cultures]( http://psych.stanford.edu/~tsailab/PDF/Understanding%20Depression%20Across%20Cultures.pdf) [Trying to Be 'Supermom' Can Raise Risk for Depression](http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=656099) [I Knew I had a Good/Bad Psychiatrist When… ](http://www.wingofmadness.com/i-knew-i-had-a-goodbad-psychiatrist-when-31) [A Good Psychiatrist Is Hard to Find](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/abilash-gopal-md/a-good-psychiatrist-is-hard-to-find_b_7756452.html) [toxic parents and depression](http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/18/115608/affect-depression) [The Therapist May See You Anytime, Anywhere](http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/14/health/feeling-anxious-soon-there-will-be-an-app-for-that.html?src=un&feedurl=http%3A%2F%2Fjson8.nytimes.com%2Fpages%2Fhealth%2Findex.jsonp) [tips for talking with your physician about depression](http://depressiontoolkit.org/news/tips-for-talking-to-your-doctor-about-depression.asp) http://www.wingofmadness.com/alt-support-depression-faq-part-1-of-5-21#.UHEvAJjA_6k http://www.wingofmadness.com/alt-support-depression-faq-part-2-of-5-57 http://www.wingofmadness.com/alt-support-depression-faq-part-3-of-5-22#.UHEu7pjA_6k (ect) http://www.wingofmadness.com/alt-support-depression-faq-part-4-of-5-23#.UHEu8ZjA_6k http://www.wingofmadness.com/alt-support-depression-faq-part-5-of-5-24#.UHEu9JjA_6k [Ian Thorpe](http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/olympics/swimming/9606351/Ian-Thorpe-I-battled-crippling-depression.html) [Maria Bamford](http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2012/05/10/maria_bamford_interview_a_conversation_about_mental_illness_and_stand_up_comedy_.html) [Inflammation and Treatment Resistance in Major Depression: The Perfect Storm ]( http://www.psychiatrictimes.com/major-depressive-disorder/inflammation-and-treatment-resistance-major-depression-perfect-storm) http://astrorice.com/romanticization-of-depression/ [Depression affects memory by 'impairing ability to differentiate similarities'](http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/267039.php) http://www.popsci.com/article/science/why-depression-ruins-your-memory-0 http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/03/10/mental-illness-quotes_n_6817674.html http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elise-jamison/this-is-what-depression-l_b_6830810.html [Biology of Suicide](http://www.npr.org/programs/death/980429.death.html) [The Origins of Suicidal Brains](http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-origins-of-suicidal-brains) [Why People Commit Suicide](http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ironshrink/201109/why-people-commit-suicide) [To Be Or Not To Be, Part 1 & 2](http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/2010/09/29/to-be-or-not-to-be-part-1-2-listen/) http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression/201401/why-your-story-matters http://www.minnpost.com/mental-health-addiction/2013/11/will-we-ever-make-it-ok-mental-health-providers-and-advocates-are-gi http://www.nytimes.com/2014/08/16/opinion/depression-can-be-treated-but-it-takes-competence.html http://www.thestar.com/news/world/2013/09/09/meet_the_overwhelmed_psychiatrist_in_the_worlds_happiest_country.html ***articles on how to help those in depression*** [Loving Someone With Depression](http://www.huffingtonpost.com/literally-darling/loving-someone-with-depression_b_4002503.html?utm_hp_ref=mental-health) [The Dipshit's Guide to Depression](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/3dkl9s/the_dipshits_guide_to_depression/) (a husband's critique on how he should have acted towards his wife while she was suffering from depression) [What To Do When a Friend is Depressed: A Guide for Teenagers ](http://www.hoptechno.com/book34.htm) [What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed ](http://depression.about.com/cs/basicfacts/a/howtohelp.htm ) [How to Help Someone Who is Depressed](http://www.wingofmadness.com/how-to-help-someone-who-is-depressed-14) [How to “Be There” for a Depressed Person](http://brutereason.net/2011/12/11/how-to-be-there-for-a-depressed-person/) [Helping a Depressed Person](http://www.helpguide.org/mental/living_depressed_person.htm#.TzkksVoqDRE.reddit) [links of what to say/not to say to depressed person](http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/12y4b2/links_to_send_to_friendsfamily_who_say_the_wrong/) [Worst Things to Say to Someone Who’s Depressed](http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/worst-things-to-say-to-someone-whos-depressed/) [what I wish people know about depression](http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/what-i-wish-people-knew-about-depression/) http://www.upworthy.com/what-to-do-if-someone-is-having-a-panic-attack?c=ufb1 *** Are Antidepressants just “happy pills?” No matter what their exact mode of action may be, it is clear that antidepressants are not “happy pills.” There is no street-market in antidepressants, for unlike “speed” which will improve the mood of almost everybody, antidepressants only improve the mood of depressed people. Also unlike the almost instant effects of speed, the mood-improving effects of antidepressants develop slowly over a number of weeks. “Speed” induces a highly artificial state, antidepressants cause the brain to slowly increase its production of naturally occurring neurotransmitters. *** [PART 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3d6gaa/my_massive_list_of_depression_resources_part_2/) ",-1.0,negative,furious 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,listener_1,2,I love it! Thanks for the help!,0.8856,positive,grateful 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,speaker,3,"thanks so much for the recognition of that. That means a lot. Also, be sure to note there is a Part Two as well, and I'm always adding. It should be noted that I'm not just scanning the internet for all things labeled depression. I read through everything and try to find what I think will help the most people, what most will relate to, and what is most credible. So yes, it was quite an effort. But I'm hoping that for others it was all worth it. edit: wrong word error. Thanks /u/_Hotline_ ",0.74,positive,grateful 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,listener_2,4,"> Also, be sure to note there is a Part One as well This post is labelled as 'part 1' - probably just a bit of miscommunication there though :) It was definitely worth it - will be sharing this with a few people. Keep up the great work man.",0.9509,positive,neutral 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,speaker,5,I moved the post to here where I know it won't be removed. https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3fkqmu/i_am_in_a_research_study_for_tms_run_by_biomed/,0.0,neutral,trusting 215,depressed,My Massive List of Depression Resources- part 1,speaker,6,"thanks for telling me, I had no idea. I know it's been up for over a year, and I'm getting fucking fed up with the mods on depression who keep deleting everything I write without notifying me because one of them is a jackass on a power trip. I'll see if I can get it reposted, otherwise I will move it to r/depressed. ",-0.7003,negative,agreeing 216,depressed,I Am....lost(sorry this is so long),speaker,1,"' I am—yet what I am none cares or knows; My friends forsake me like a memory lost: I am the self-consumer of my woes— They rise and vanish in oblivious host, Like shadows in love’s frenzied stifled throes And yet I am, and live—like vapours tossed... Even the dearest that I loved the best Are strange—nay, rather, stranger than the rest.'- I Am! by John Clare I heard this poem yesterday while watching TV and almost cried. This is exactly how I feel about life right now. My job situation is uncertain as my company is 'trying something new' at the expense of all of their faithful employees. It's been almost a year and half since my break up with my ex and my 'return' to my home town, but this will be the longest I have been here in over 5 years. My old friends and I have grown apart and it seems they don't care to reach out and hang out anymore. They respond with vague text describing their bored yet seemingly busy lives. Lives too busy to reply to text messages or too busy to actually schedule a time to hang out. It's been about 5 months since I've seen one of my friends who only lives 15 min away. I drive past her house often, but she doesn't like when I drop by unexpectedly nor does she seem to want to schedule a time to hang out. These two friends are now both vegetarian going on vegan(which I have no problem with) but they now express their disapproval of meat eater a lot more than I'd like. Yet, have nothing to say about the political matters of society when it concerns people and refuse to have a discussion or talk about those things. But they call me pretentious. I had one friend who had the nerve to randomly text messaged me and said she was upset that I didn't call her before her wedding...even though that was 2 months ago and I was in a different country. I told her in advance I wouldn't be able to make the wedding because of work and she seemed fine with it. Never mind the fact that she never once called me or invited me for a drink after my ex broke up with me. Nor did she check up on me to see how I was holding up after I went back to work. She is the one who has found love for the rest of her life and moved out of her parents house... My one friend who I love dearly is slowly starting to figure out that I am no longer Christian and I am waiting for the day that she will not want to hang out with me as much as well, but especially if she finds out I am bisexual. I met a guy on a ship...and a girl at the same time and chose him over her. Only things moved so fast and I wanted to just slow down for a minute when we got on land. I still wanted to hang out with him. And honestly, I was afraid his friends wouldn't welcome me or I wouldn't fit in...but now, after all of his clinginess and such while at sea, he seems to not even want to hang out anymore since I said I wanted to slow things down. Hasn't even called in 2 weeks or have we had a substantial text 'conversation' since then. My mom is the only one who I can count on but I fear I won't be able to count on her if she realises that I am no longer a Christian too and that I am bisexual too. She also keep asking me if 'I'm sure I'm not pregnant'...even though I'm not even that fat...I've just gained weight... My only respite is a guy I hooked up with a year ago from another country who still messages me on Facebook every day even though he is 'afraid of starting a relationship' right now. He is the only one besides my mom who ask how my day went and who tells me what is going on in his. He and I will work together again soon, yet, he is 'unwilling' to make plans to spend time together for the week before we will join the ship or the week he joins(which is a week before I do). I feel alone. I feel like I will be stuck here forever. I feel like I will never be able to express who I truly am here. I feel like here, my expression is stifled by racial expectations and expectations of a past self. My 'friends' feel like they know who I am, but haven't bothered to see if that has changed in the past 16 years. I feel like a failure at almost 31 years old. I recently signed up for dating sites which still have a stigma for me. I really just want to find like minded friends in the area. I'm not looking for sex or a relationship. That is hard to do because it seems that no one wants to make new friends at this age or are too busy. I feel like I am facing an insurmountable brick wall behind me and in front of me. I can't go back to who I was 9 years ago and I can't see where I could possibly go from here... ",0.9963,positive,surprised 216,depressed,I Am....lost(sorry this is so long),listener_1,2,"I understand what you mean. Feeling unable to do anything with your current situation is how I've felt for the last five years. I'm a th eist and my parents know, and so do all my friends. But they don't approve of it. I've been friends with them for 10 years and it feels as though we're growing apart as well. I know how you feel. It feels like your decisions as a person have inflicted pain on your old self because it causes people to think differently of you. I'm bisexual, and I know I've been for 5 years, but ive never told anybody. My friends are mainly male, and they're all kind of dumb and pretentious, but they're still close and family. I love them because they've been with me forever, but I don't think they care about me anymore. I don't want it, but I guess since time is passing and I'm changing, so are they, and by them changing I mean they are getting new ideas of who they want in their life and who I want in mine. If they don't want me, they shouldn't have me. You should think of this in your life, too. I understand that you feel hopeless because I do too. But I know that you will feel better, and as time goes by, your life will get better. And I know you will get new friends or reconnect with your true friends. I suggest you let your friends know that your ehat you are and if they don't like it then they can fuck off. But if it doesn't seem right, then I guess you'll just have to find new friends. Its honestly up to you. Make something of yourself. Don't let people dictate who you are, don't surround yourself with people who don't like who YOU are. You need friends who like you and care about you for the reason you like them, because they are them. Hope this helped. ",0.9941,positive,sad 216,depressed,I Am....lost(sorry this is so long),speaker,3,Thank you. x,0.3612,positive,wishing 217,depressed,"Sorry for the length, but the length is essentially a list of my life problems.",speaker,1,"I am a 15 year old boy going on sophomore year, and I don't mind honestly if you don't want to read on. Please feel free to shrug this off as a classic depressed kid. I'm just posting on here to vent, and to maybe get a response as to what I should do with my pathetic self. I may seem immature, and if you want to point it out, go right on ahead. Nothings stopping you. I have a severe emotional problem. I cry over things that people shrug off, and I hurt myself over people who don't give a shit. I may be a 15 year old, but I have the intellect and experience of a 25 year old. I'm not talking about drugs or sex and shit like that, but life experiences. I've experienced death, I know tragedy better than most. And before you give me shit about how I don't know shit about life and what it has to offer, think about what it means to me. Probably nothing. Anyway, yeah I'm a depressed, anxious, self harming kid. I don't know where to start but I'll try to get off somewhere. My life is an endless pit of repressed suicide thoughts. I listen to the music you see "" freak, goth, emo, scene kids listening to,"" because that's what I am. A freak. Well, according to a massive amount of students in my high school. Terrible names and emotional abuse happens to me daily, and sometimes even physical abuse. I honestly don't care. It just adds to my life at home. My family doesn't give two shits about me and neither does humanity. I have two people who give a damn about me, and honestly, I think I'm losing them too. I always hear about people going on about high school is where you tie up lose ends and get your true friends and lose the fake ones. Well.... I guess I dont have any true friends. Ever since the start of elementary school I've been the odd one out. I met one of my friends at 5th grade which was the first year I cut, and she just walls up and says, "" The hell you do that to yourself for? "" It was cute. But anyway she's kind of dragging away from me now. We'll call her Alex. Alex always appreciated me for who I am. From the time in 6th grade where I decided I don't believe in a god who would let the shit that happens to me happen and to millions of other people happen doesn't exist, to where I found out I'm not just interested in girls (I'm bisexual, get over it.) She was by my side the whole time. But now she got a boyfriend, I don't really care, I was never interested in anything more than a friendship. He suggests that she leave me and she said she never would ditch me but she is and she thinks he's right but he isn't and he pisses me off. I don't want to dictate her life, but I know him, he's a fucking dick and he's ruined plenty of other girls lives too. I believe he's hit other girls too, but I don't know. I just worry for alex. My other friend is my brother. Step brother. I don't really care what it is called, he's my friend. I don't know how he could leave me. But I don't know what I would do with out him. I unload my shit onto him, and he helps me back up out it, and I don't know how the hell he does it. He came from an abusive family, an alcoholic father and abusive mum, who got arrested once his sister was killed from his mother's actions. Now he's here. Back in another abusive family. But at least we can help eachother. I defend him from my dad and he does his best to help me, but it usually gets him hurt. I can take a punch, but he's 12. I don't think he can take much. I swear that kid is made of steel though, he gets the fuck back up from it like it's nothing. Anyway I'll call him Jake. He let's me talk to him about my problems and he cheers me up with his younger kid attitude. I'm losing my friends, and my father is slowly killing me. Not the best way to grow up, is it? And just for the record, and to the dot, I've cut 73 times, with 6 mistakes where I went to the hospital for over bleeding and passing out. I've also tried to kill myself 4 times. I don't know how i failed. I've used pills twice out of impulse, and I've tried hanging myself the other two times. Once my dad caught me and just ran in and kicked the stool to try and stop me and I wasn't finished tying a noose. So I went to the hospital for a lot of blood loss from hitting my head on the window frame. Anyway... yeah I'm depressed and I'd like to know your opinions. If you happened to read this far down, I seriously appreciate it. I need emotional help, and you guys are my only option. Thanks.",-0.9989,negative,ashamed 218,depressed,I just need to get this out (sorry this is a bit long),speaker,1,"I'll try and keep this short but no guarantees. I was in a relationship for the past 4 years with someone whom I was planning to propose to later this year. Obviously that didn't happen otherwise I wouldn't be writing here. It all started 2 years ago around this time, I thought I was something I'm not and it really screwed things up between us. She left in April of last year and I was on my own. I had friends and family that love me and care about me but I felt really lonely. I kept in contact with her because I didn't want to loose her. After going to see a counselor to talk about what I was going through, I realized who I truly was. I felt so relieved that my mind was finally cleared of any uncertainty I had before. I had kept in contact with her throughout this process and she was proud of me for doing this and that I found myself. We got back together in December of 2014 and I moved back in with her. I was so happy, after all we went through we proved that love conquers all. But that was short lived. She broke up with me on February 28 of this year. I was devastated and extremely upset. I moved out at the end of March. I still talk to her and I still care about her. I love her so much. I would do anything for her, to make her happy. I've been fighting to make myself better, to be the person she fell in love with all those years ago. Thinking maybe if I try hard enough she'd take me back. I know I'll probably get a lot of comments saying to let her go and move on but I can't do that. I don't know how. All I want is to have her back into my life so we can be happy till the end of our days. When she broke up, she told me she still loves me. Just needs to be single for a while. I understand where she's coming from and I need to do the same. So that's what I've been doing. Going out and experiencing different things and maybe one day getting back together. Sorry this went on for longer than I thought but I had to let this all out. If you read all of this, I thank you and I'd like to hear your thoughts about all this. Thanks again.",0.996,positive,devastated 218,depressed,I just need to get this out (sorry this is a bit long),listener_1,2,"Well I cam across this post and noticed no one responded, so I'll give it a shot. I'm only 17 but I'll tell you something someone once told me, ""If it's meant to be, you'll be back together eventually whether it's next week or next year"" and so on. You get the point. Not sure if this helped but I don't really have any experience to give you any true advice. I'm sorry. I hope you find happiness.",0.8887,positive,disappointed 218,depressed,I just need to get this out (sorry this is a bit long),speaker,3,Thanks for the response. I've also heard that before but it's nice to hear it from someone else ,0.6858,positive,neutral 219,depressed,Having a hard time dealing with my girlfriends depression.,speaker,1,"Hey Guys, Wasn't really sure where else to go with this, so thought this subreddit could help me learn something new. My girlfriend and I have had quite a tough year, we have moved from Denmark, to my country Australia and my girlfriend is suffering quite severely from depression. Still early days and we have organised for her to get treatment. But she has an ever looming guilt over what she needs to do next in terms of work/study/life etc. I just really struggle seeing her in this way, I have been what i consider to be very supportive, but i do notice myself getting infuriated when seeing how horrible she thinks of herself. I understand its the depression talking but i find myself snapping and thats just no good for both parties. Does anybody have any tips for how to maybe deal with it in a better way. Any way, I apologise if this is the wrong subreddit, just really am looking for somebody to talk to. ",-0.9723,negative,apprehensive 219,depressed,Having a hard time dealing with my girlfriends depression.,listener_1,2,"Buy her flowers, take her out to a nice dinner, maybe a movie or if you can afford a getaway or something.",0.4215,positive,suggesting 219,depressed,Having a hard time dealing with my girlfriends depression.,speaker,3,"Undercurrents, Thankyou so much for such a detailed reply, honestly so amazing to hear back from people that are complete strangers but understand. You are absolutely right and ill search for your resources when I get some time. Every little bit of help I get isn't an inch its a mile. MUCH appreciation :)",0.9089,positive,grateful 219,depressed,Having a hard time dealing with my girlfriends depression.,listener_2,4,"if you have any more questions, I'll try to help if I can. ",0.4019,positive,sympathizing 220,depressed,Can't pick myself up,speaker,1,"Hey all, so I am clinically depressed and can't seem too kick the funk. I even dropped out of my PhD and currently leeching off my boyfriend, I am okay for most of the time (so I think). I can't seem to be able to just do what needs to be done. I've been clinically depressed for most my life and still functional (with meds) but for the past 10months I have been stuck. I just want to know how to get back to functional me. Any advice encouragement?",-0.0516,negative,sad 220,depressed,Can't pick myself up,listener_1,2,"It sounds like you're in a really difficult spot. What has your boyfriend said? Does he have any insight as a close partner who sees what you're going through? How about a therapist? I have two things to offer: The last time I was stuck in a funk for months I started reading Learned Optimism by Seligman. It didn't fix any of my issues but it helped me think a little differently. When I get down I've found the best thing I can do is the keep trying different things; basically keep moving. I'll try a new yoga class one day, I'll go for a short jog the next, go to a new place for coffee the day after. I find that I'm usually still miserable after the activities but after some time I wake up and realize that I'm not feeling as badly as I did a few weeks ago. My painting professor in college put it nicely: when a painting was going horribly she'd suggest we throw a blotch of red paint on it. She felt that the contrast would sometimes jolt us into a better direction...and if it didn't...well it wasn't like we ruined a masterpiece, right?",0.9689,positive,questioning 220,depressed,Can't pick myself up,speaker,3,"He tries his best, I know it's hard for him but he keeps being there for me. I am currently seeing a therapist but it all feels futile. It's like I make one step foward and 10 steps back.",0.2023,positive,faithful 221,depressed,I wish I could explain,speaker,1,"Hating life and constantly wanting to go to sleep and never wake up sucks. I'm sure you all know how that feels. But not having any motivation to fix the problem makes it even worse. It doesn't help that 99% of the time I act like I'm ok. But occasionally I snap and lose my shit. I usually blame it on stress, school, or work and whoever witnessed it forgets about it. I just wish I could talk to someone about it. I can't afford a therapist and I hate those anonymous phone numbers you can call. I just wish I would disappear. I wouldn't care. I love fantasies about killing myself but it would kill my mother if I did that. That's why I just hope that I die in an accident or something. An accident would be easier on my mom, I just can't put her through a suicide. I know none of this makes sense but I'm laying in bed crying my eyes out right now and I just want it to be over. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better.",-0.9964,negative,ashamed 221,depressed,I wish I could explain,listener_1,2,"My friend, I was like this for all of my life until about 5 months ago. I found something so stupendously out of this world that I had actually felt love for the first time. This was my last resort and it worked. If you are really in this spot, well you need some help by a source little known about yet is so freaking potent. I thought I would never change until I went through this time. After that I finally could live with myself. Message me if you want to talk more and if you want more details/advice to what I am referring to as my solution. It has not only proven itself for me but countless others. Except it flies so low under the radar of our daily dance that it is laughable we have missed it for long. Cheers. Also sorry for the great Wall of text, I'm on mobile.",0.8941,positive,grateful 221,depressed,I wish I could explain,listener_2,3,So..what is this method you advertise? I really wouldn't mind feeling better myself.,-0.466,negative,questioning 222,depressed,I just want it to stop for a moment,speaker,1,"I am so lonely, I have no one in my life. I feel so fucking lost and not myself. My boyfriend dumped me and my best friend decided she no longer wanted to be friends. Our mutual friends have stopped talking to me. I am an adult, I don't really have opportunities to make new friends. I don't have anyone to talk to. I can't sleep anymore. I have these highs and then right back to low. I just want friends, and to bot feel so shitty. The only relief i feel from this overwhelming loneliness are the men i hook up with from tinder. I feel disgusting. I just don't want to feel this way.",-0.6642,negative,lonely 223,depressed,Don't understand why I don't feel like I'm worth anything,speaker,1,"By no means am I here to brag about a good life, or anything negative towards anyone. I'm a 19/M with a good life. But I never cease to bring myself down. Like the title reads, I'm baffled as to why/how I managed to always feel like shit. I have my one true best friend (Not the type pf person to have a lot of friends, just need one good one), and I even have a really good thing going with a girl. I get to do things I like (Work on project cars, hobbies, what the hell ever). But no matter what at the end of the day the only things I get through my head are: ""My friend probably doesn't enjoy my company as much as I do his. I bet his girlfriend is annoyed when I'm at their place."" ""That girl I'm spending time with probably doesn't like me as much as I like her, and if she does I bet she'll get tired of me I'm not that interesting or stimulating I'm pretty boring no one likes a quiet boring person"" ""My boss hates how slow I work. He thinks I'm fricken stupid, I'm not cool person. Just some lame ass that has a lot to learn about doing what they want, with cars/time/whatever. And a lot of things to improve about how I work. I suck at my job. I can't believe I get paid to do what I do."" ""I can't believe anyone even talks to me. How does anyone even like me. Why do I only point out my flaws to myself. Why do I think it's selfish to praise myself. How do I forget all about these things that I feel during the day. Why do I need constant distraction to make myself think I'm okay. Why is it that I'm seeking help from reddit, when all I have to do is 'fix myself'. I don't like feeling this way, so why do I let it happen?"" ""I have such an easy life compared to most, how is it that I still find a way to make it difficult for myself? I wish I were as dependent on myself as I am on my friend. Why do I degrade myself and ask these stupid questions rather than 'changing'. If I should be who I am and not change for anyone, why do I have to change myself to be happy? Why do I feel alone?"" I just don't understand any of it and I feel so worthless. How does my life amount to anything? Am I just supposed to ride it out as entertainment while I wait to be reborn as something with importance? What in the shit is this shit I hate this I'm not even depressed I'm just stupid ""Don't degrade yourself you're a good person"" I don't know how not to, it comes naturally. I see through my own bullshit and I don't glaze over it, I point it out to myself. But then I don't do anything about it. That's why I suck ass",-0.9407,negative,disappointed 223,depressed,Don't understand why I don't feel like I'm worth anything,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling you speak off and I found myself in this spiral of negative thoughts on many occasions. I know the feeling that you care so much more about everyone else than you think they care for you and I know the feeling where you just start degrading yourself 24/7. What I sort of did and I have to say it got better was actively notice when I was ""insulting myself"" and just forcing myself to think the opposite. ""Nah I'm sure we like each other"", ""I'm sure they enjoy my company"", ""My boss is satisfied with my work"". You wont believe it at all but you prevent yourself from insulting yourself and feeling worse and after a while you'll stop feeling so terrible from insulting yourself. Hope I helped. Feel free to message me if you want, I'm here to listen.",-0.5552,negative,ashamed 223,depressed,Don't understand why I don't feel like I'm worth anything,speaker,3,"Sounds a lot healthier than distracting myself with things. Last night though I went through something really crazy, I've never gotten like this. I was having a conversation via text with that girl, and at a certain point I felt like I didn't give my exact opinion on something, and for the next hour I was beating myself down. Every text I got from her felt like she was upset because I had it in my head that she thought I lied to her about something. But it was all in my head, everything. She was fine, and was genuine the whole time. I took a few moments to think, which was a mistake because I felt like I fell down a hole of shit like I was going crazy. Realizing how much of the whole situation was made up by my mind made me think I was going crazy. I had that feeling of ""something's things wrong, I don't feel good, and I don't know why"" again, but something else in my head immediately turned it into ""you do too know what's wrong dumbshit, you're a lying POS that isn't true to yourself about anything, you live a lie for other people"" I was freaking out really bad. At another point around then, I was texting ""I'm holding on, too"" but while typing it I wrote ""I'm holding out"" on accident. Sure it was a typo, but was that my subconscious trying to prove something to me? That really freaked me out. I'm probably more crazy just for thinking that though, it was just a typo. I played some guitar and went to bed, feel better now. I'll try that thinking process you explained. I think something like it came up in my head last night but whatever else is in there won over each attempt",-0.9848,negative,ashamed 223,depressed,Don't understand why I don't feel like I'm worth anything,listener_1,4,"You should really try it. It doesn't cost anything and has no negative consequences. I understand what you mean, the overanalyzing of every little detail in a negative light. It's extremely annoying and sadly I haven't found the answer to that yet myself.",-0.7756,negative,agreeing 224,depressed,"So, a friend of over 15 yrs 'broke up' with me over text.",speaker,1,"I was in the middle of texting her about an issue with another friend and then she just goes on this long tirade about how she has felt dismissed for over a year but never said anything to me until now... I was starting to settle into life back here again...starting to feel a little bit better about my lot in life and trying to make new friends(which she was upset about), but now I feel like I am going down hill again. I was going to do two work outs today, but it's now 5:30 pm and all I want to do is sleep until tomorrow...I can't take this anymore...I have no one I can really count on...",0.4647,positive,devastated 224,depressed,"So, a friend of over 15 yrs 'broke up' with me over text.",listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you feel this way and I'm sorry you have noone you can count on. I know how you feel. Recently a friend of mine basically just told me that she wished I wouldn't depend on her so much for when I feel shit due to my depression and essentially just told me she has no time to deal with me. It really hurt because I'd do anything for that her. If she feels down or would need help I'd drop anything but she couldn't even get herself to reply to me in text chat when I feel like just giving up on life. So yeah...I know what you feel like and I wanted to offer you my services as a listener...I could use the distraction and maybe you could use someone to talk to. If you want, drop me a message via inbox or [chat me up](http://www.7cupsoftea.com/@MrRabbito) on this amazing site called 7cupsoftea, where you can connect anonymously to a listener to talk about your problems.",0.4945,positive,caring 224,depressed,"So, a friend of over 15 yrs 'broke up' with me over text.",speaker,3,"Thanks for your kind words and the website. I think I may sign up for it. I have had another friend basically tell me our friendship isn't important to her anymore...I haven't even been in the country and I come back and all of this is thrown at me. None of them even sent me a text to see how I was doing after the break up. They said I didn't text them because I didn't want to hear what they had to say. I didn't want opinions on my ex...I wanted to know someone cared and that I belonged somewhere. Besides, I was too busy trying to keep myself from jumping off the back of the ship...These are my oldest friends in the world and now I mean nothing to them... :(",0.9563,positive,grateful 224,depressed,"So, a friend of over 15 yrs 'broke up' with me over text.",listener_1,4,"Yeah...the feeling that noone cares is terrible. I hope you can overcome your 'breakup' and find new friends who genuinely care about you and give you the feeling that you matter. And yeah, do check out the site! You don't even need an account to chat to people, it's all anonymous and free.",0.9432,positive,consoling 225,depressed,I need help. Please,speaker,1,"Hey. I'm not sure if this is a good place to put it. But I need to talk. I need some help. I'm becoming very depressed. And it isn't a ""my girlfriend broke up with me"" or "" I don't see a point in life"" or any of that shit. The reason I'm depressed is because of, essentially, daddy issues. My dad is a great guy. He was my hero. He was nice all the time and I could always talk to him and he always had this view on life that made you think that we had a huge impact on everything. He always said that a simple hello with a smile could make someone's day. I didn't live with him, but I visited as much as I could. Everytime I came over I'd give him a big hug and we'd just talk about anything for hours. Everyone he knew said that he didn't have a violent bone in his body and if he did hurt someone, it was for a good reason. But recently, a few weeks ago, he...... he was on a walk. He was with my brother, my sister and my great uncle. My dad's uncle. And they were talking and having a good time and then, my dad went quiet. He was quiet for a few minutes and then, my dad grabbed the gun from his uncles hip and shot him in the back of the head. My dad is in jail now. I'll save the details. I'm not sure how to handle this. My dad, my hero is in jail and my uncle is dead. I don't know what to do",0.9731,positive,sad 225,depressed,I need help. Please,listener_1,2,did anyone at the scene explain why? wld b good to get an explanation from those involved as to causes...,0.4404,positive,questioning 225,depressed,I need help. Please,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 226,depressed,Weird feelings. WTF do i even do?,speaker,1,"I'm 19. Most of the other people that i went to high school with have got their shit sorted out. They all go to school or work. I thought i was gonna be in that same boat. I'm employed with a job that doesn't give me any shifts because ""I'm not good enough at the job"", yet they give the hours to other people that know what they are doing. So instead of improving, I'm just sitting at home all day, playing video games, eating junk (I'm trying to eat less junk. I'm not unhealthy or fat, i just really don't like that i eat too much junk.) and just.... do literally nothing else. I'm not active, I hate exercise. Whenever i try to produce music, I can't produce anything worth shit. And then at the end of the day, then I'm in bed and I can't sleep, I feel something weird. Like, I'm sad and my body wants to cry, but it doesn't cry because it knows that I'm just a general fuck up or something. So I'm just sitting there is this depressed state, not sleeping. Why? Why the fuck does this have to happen? And why can't anything be done about it? Oh wait, i remember now! It's because, again, I'm a fuck up. And no one wants to be around a fuck up. I swear, instead of living out my dreams, I'm going to die homeless. ",-0.9883,negative,jealous 226,depressed,Weird feelings. WTF do i even do?,listener_1,2,Sounds like me,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 226,depressed,Weird feelings. WTF do i even do?,speaker,3,[There's nothing on it.](https://soundcloud.com/salust) ,0.0,neutral,afraid 226,depressed,Weird feelings. WTF do i even do?,speaker,4,With what?,0.0,neutral,questioning 227,depressed,Had a bad day... (rant),speaker,1,"I've noticed this spiral pattern where I think I'm doing really well and I'm ""happy"" and excited about life. Then something can just cause the destruction of my entire day/week/month. I often have a hard time bouncing back from a disappointment. Note: It is finals week and I started hormonal birth control for the first time in several years. Today, I had an organic chemistry exam at 8am. Probably failed, have come to terms with this. Ended up being the highlight of the day in hindsight. I've been eating vegetarian for about the last 3 weeks. Didn't pack my lunch today. *Walked across campus *Bought chicken sandwich *Walked back across campus *microwaved chicken sandwich *Ate chicken sandwich *Realized during last two bites I was eating chicken I dropped my car at the mechanic this morning for a once over before a road trip. I was planning to visit my long distance boyfriend this Friday for my 2 week break between summer/fall semesters. I was told the car is unsafe to drive and I need to replace my drive shaft. The shop cannot even get the part for 2 weeks and all and all it's going to cost ~$900. Picked up my car and drove it 2 blocks home. Found the car part online for less even with next day shipping. Cannot find wallet. Commence mental breakdown. I finally found the wallet outside on the ground (?) still not sure about how exactly that happened. Realized I can ""afford"" (read: credit) the part/labor/it might get done by Friday. Chicken sandwich happens I'll live. I'm still horribly torn up over how I handle myself under these conditions. I don't feel that I can function well once something goes awry. I very much dislike my reactions and are often embarrassed afterwards. Instead of keeping things to myself I kind of ""blow up"" and get visibly upset no matter who is around. Not angry, but just kind of repeat what's wrong over and over in a sort of I don't know what to do, poor me fashion. Then I sulk until I finally explode into an emotional mess. My boyfriend tries to comfort me but I honestly don't know what I want from him. Often him telling me everything is going to be OK makes me more upset (?) I know he is trying to be there for me and if I told him ""I just need you to say X or Y when I'm in these moods"" he would. I don't know what X or Y are. I'm suppose to graduate in December and finally get a ""real"" job. I'm not sure I have the skill set to be able to handle pressure and not freak out. Tomorrow is a new day. Thanks for listening. /rant TL;DR Had a bad day, how do you deal?",-0.914,negative,devastated 227,depressed,Had a bad day... (rant),listener_1,2,"You handle it a lot better than I do. I'm lucky if I can get out of bed most days. My anxiety attacks keep me pretty much at home most of the time. It's good that you have someone to help you, and I really hope things get better for you. ",0.9406,positive,trusting 227,depressed,Had a bad day... (rant),speaker,3,I too have dealt with anxiety attacks that hindered my ability to leave the house. I am feeling better today. I get upset at how I act in the moment and later regret it. I hope you feel better too [this helps when I'm struggling to get out of bed](https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6A2F5ky9SELU0Zfd05YMEpyNUk/view?pli=1),0.2732,positive,consoling 228,depressed,Have you ever given your dreams to someone?,speaker,1,"Someone that you thought you loved? And maybe you *do* love? But you can never be sure, because you've subjected yourself to internal battles for so long that you can't tell which side you're on. And I so badly want to love. Because, without love, my life is... less than worthless. I was holding out for true love. I thought it had finally arrived. But now my feelings are wavering, things feel like shit, and nothing even matters if I can't have it. I don't want to come off like I'm egotistical. You delude yourself into thinking that this is it. This one loves you completely, purely, fully, entirely, and forever. And nothing can ever change that. But... you don't know if you feel the same. Maybe you don't feel the same. Maybe you do. And you promised this person that you wouldn't harm yourself because of how you feel - felt - will continue feeling. But you feel so close to the edge, now, because it's all coming tumbling down. You don't know if anything is worth it, because that person... That person was the last thing you were holding onto, and now... you're letting go. No, you're not letting go. You're slipping from that person's grasp and they try - try *so* hard - to lift you back up, onto the ledge you just... serendipitously stumbled off of. And they love you so much that it hurts. You never want to hurt them. But you're afraid that you will. And And If you can't figure these feelings out, then... maybe you weren't meant to figure them out? Maybe you were just meant to... die. Let myself fade from existence and memory. Stop hurting those who are - were - close to me. Wouldn't that be better for everyone? Omg, lol, okay, so, I told my parents to have another kid. But they didn't listen. So now they have a depressed, maybe suicidal, gay dude instead of someone they think is worth anything. This This isn't helping. I'm not getting my point across, I don't think. Everyone thinks I'm some huge fucking joke. I'm not. I'm serious. And I may end up *dead* serious (puns ftw). You might think that I'm joking right now, but that's just because I've always had a lovely sense of dark humor. I... Without him, there is only one thing holding me back from the edge, actually, and that's sheer willpower. And my willpower has slowly gotten weaker as the years have carried on. And If If If ... If this isn't true, then... I might not have the strength to continue. I... have so much more to say, but it's probably all worthless, anyway. Toodles~ ",-0.5931,negative,disappointed 228,depressed,Have you ever given your dreams to someone?,listener_1,2,"Your whole life shouldn't depend on another person to go on. Be happy by yourself. Do things by yourself. If things work or don't work, well, that's to be seen, but don't worry about it before it has even happened.",0.6189,positive,trusting 228,depressed,Have you ever given your dreams to someone?,speaker,3,"I don't know if I can be happy by myself, but I can do things by myself. And... yeah, it's yet to be seen, but... if this doesn't work out, why would *anything* else work out? He's *literally* perfect for me. Sweet, caring, loyal, understanding, same interests, etc. If that doesn't work out, I highly doubt there will be anyone else out there better than him, which means that I highly doubt that it will ever work out with anyone else. Part of me thinks that I've lived with sadness and anxiety and a general void within my heart that it's all that I know and all that I want; change may scare me subconsciously that I do everything I can do to make me feel 'normal' again. In short, I may be an unintentional emotional masochist. One of my close friends is dying. He has about four months, at most. What worries me is that I think I'm in love with him, too. Why do I want both of them at the same time? Again, probably not meant to love anyone! Haha... And seriously, it's hard for me to be happy by myself. I don't have a reason to live, to be honest, and I don't really need one, but it does hurt me *so fucking much* when I realize that I'm utterly worthless and pointless. And being with someone gives me a purpose.",0.9731,positive,faithful 229,depressed,"I am in a research study for TMS run by biomed PhD students, one asked me to write down how I feel- this is what I wrote.",speaker,1,"This is actually something I wrote more than two years ago (though I could have written it yesterday), but it was inexplicably (and unbeknownst to me) removed recently from r/depression so I am reposting it here since I link to it in my [resources post](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3d6ewg/my_massive_list_of_depression_resources_part_1/). Here is the original post to see the previous comments: https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/10dag8/i_am_in_a_research_study_for_tms_run_by_biomed/ Edit: Also, this is something I am reposting because people wanted to read it after it was removed. *I am not actually looking for any advice.* If you follow the first link, you will see my long list of failed treatments which include both western and non-western medicine- also I am well read on all current available, and in-trial, and even pre-trial and completely in theory stage treatments. *** EACH DAY http://i.imgur.com/Nmgdk.jpg Like Sisypuhus, my each day resembles his penance for a crime I didn’t commit. I just want to be ""normal."" There are basic human experiences and feelings that are definitive of what it means to be alive, to be human, that are lost to me. Food has no taste, music is white noise, smiles bring me no joy, sex gives me no feeling- there is a glass wall between myself and the world. I watch life happen before me without happening with me. Like putting on makeup, each day I put on my face of being “fine” when I am anything but. What other serious illness are sufferers forced to mask their pain, mask the trials they endure, mask the deterioration of their lives? What other serious illnesses causes you to lose friends, be judged by family, be blamed for your symptoms, and be seen as weak in character? You can’t call in sick to work because your depression is acting up. No one brings you casseroles when you are depressed. You simply suffer in silence. The pain and fatigue of my depression can be tolerated, I learn to cope with the physical. But mental pain is far worse than physical. It steals your soul. Like a demon it seeps into my bones and poisons my brain. It takes away everything it means to be you, and replaces it with a person you barely recognize. Yet unlike those with Alzheimer’s, you are completely aware that you are lost to yourself. Consciousness doesn’t leave, only control. And how am I supposed to live as someone that is not me? I read the adjectives I used to describe myself in school essays and I don’t now know this person anymore- outgoing, confident, creative, ambitious, adventurous, articulate, intellectual… these have become scared, hopeless, cynical, lonely, and exhausted. I am not my depression, but my depression has enveloped all that was me. But I am strong, that I know. Stronger than most. I don’t want to die to be dead, I just can’t continue living like this. This is not a life. The purpose of being alive is not just to breathe but to live, and I am not living, I am only existing. Depression does not give me introspective and deep thought; it only gives me pain and loss. I just no longer want to be me. I no longer want the nightmares of my unconscious at night, and the continued nightmares of my conscious in the day. I am pursued by a horror unknown to me. This was triggered by no tangible fear, trauma, or memory- just genetics. I suffer without cause or reason so how do you treat, how do you address what doesn’t exist? Fear of death has got nothing on fear of life. Society pities those terminally ill that are suffering and hope for a quick end, I suffer indefinitely and am told to suck it up and wait it out. But quality of life is more important than imminence of death. “It will get better.” Really, when? Five years, ten years, twenty years? I can barely make it to tomorrow. My worst states are unbearable beyond comprehension. And they will return, it is guaranteed. Years ago the gavel came down and condemned me to an unknown sentence. Suffer and wait. So I wait, and wait, and wait, yet each day I am no closer to a release date. But each day I forge on. I just want to be happy, it seems so simple yet so impossible. I don't need to cure cancer, I don't need a greater purpose, I'm not asking anything from life as if it is an entity that is supposed to give me something. I just want to feel alive for once. Every type of help I'm supposed to pursue, I've done. Twenty years filled with countless pills of every name, more types of therapy than most know exist, hospitalizations even states away out of desperation to find a place that could help, fMRIs, MEGs, PETs, rounds of ECT, and now TMS (in which I am referred in the study conclusion as the non-responder patient). Everything I'm supposed to do to make my life better I've done, I don't know what else to do anymore. I'm just so tired. I’m just so alone. Currently my only desire is to be hit by a truck. I want my mind to be blank. I’m not strong enough to do this on my own anymore, and I’m too damaged and ravaged for anyone to love. I am simply a shell of what I once was. Each day is like being Atlas trying to hold up the world and it’s too much. I have nothing left. I’m too broken down. The tears are dried up. My body is devoid of energy from the non-stop treading water just to barely keep myself afloat. I’m tired. I live each day like I’m counting down- to what, I don’t know. To the end of this life or to the beginning of a new one? Which will come first? ",-0.9994,negative,surprised 229,depressed,"I am in a research study for TMS run by biomed PhD students, one asked me to write down how I feel- this is what I wrote.",listener_1,2,"Impeccably written! This really resonates with me and definitely strikes more than a few nerves. I'm glad you could post it again, this kind of description needs to be heard; if not for medical professionals, then for fellow sufferers and even the non-depressed.",-0.2244,negative,agreeing 229,depressed,"I am in a research study for TMS run by biomed PhD students, one asked me to write down how I feel- this is what I wrote.",speaker,3,thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 229,depressed,"I am in a research study for TMS run by biomed PhD students, one asked me to write down how I feel- this is what I wrote.",speaker,4,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,speaker,1,So I've been depressed lately 16 and just starting to realise that life is not fair I'm ugly as shit all my friends have girlfriends and are handsome they are all good at everything and I am the opposite I have the biggest nose ugly teeth everything is horrible. And to top it off I fucked up freshman year of high school and my gpa is shit. I've thought about committing suicide many Times just don't want my family to go through the burden I just don't know what to do.,-0.9615,negative,sad 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way all the time! It probably won't help for you to hear this, but you're not alone. <3 stay strong ",0.737,positive,agreeing 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,listener_2,3,"Couldn't agree more. Trust me wait a few years and keep your head up, you'll be amazed to see how different life is. I know it changed like crazy for me.",-0.1849,negative,agreeing 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,speaker,4,Thank you for this and I've been working since I was 15 almost 2 years now I have 800 saved up currently I also do exercise going to advanced weight training this semester I plan to change things thanl you I needed this man. ❤,0.8885,positive,grateful 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,speaker,5,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,listener_3,6,"Sounds great man! Just stay positive and keep moving forward. Things will get better. It isn't really the external circumstances, you choose whether or not to be happy no matter where you are in life or what the situation is. Back when the average life expectancy was only around 30-40 years, we think that there is no way people could have been happy right? Well actually that is wrong, our generation is the most depressed of any that has ever lived yet we are predicted to live the longest? That is pretty sad!",0.7564,positive,hopeful 230,depressed,I have nothing going for me in life,speaker,7,I've known these people ever since I was 7 just beauty is a main thing since they are always taking photos but thank you I will try to change this semester,0.6858,positive,annoyed 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,speaker,1,"And now my cat is dead, guess there really is nothing left now.",-0.6486,negative,sad 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,listener_1,2,My cat died in Feb. He was my reason to live. My bf left me in Jan. Then I turned 40 in March. The two things I lived for were gone in two months. I feel you. ,-0.5574,negative,sad 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,speaker,3,"Atleast you had someone. I havnt had a conversation with anyone but my mother and a friend (Which is strictly gaming, nothing personal life kinda friendship) in 6 years. Sorry, I didnt really want to write this but I dont feel empathic at all at the moment and I wanted to reply. Thank you.",0.8706,positive,sympathizing 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,listener_1,4,I am fostering a cat now. It's the only relationship I feel worthy in.,0.4404,positive,caring 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,speaker,5,"I wouldnt say that Im where you are yet, atleast I dont look at it as a matter of being worthy or not.",0.4588,positive,jealous 231,depressed,So I thought things couldnt get any worse,speaker,6,"I do not need advice, I know what I have to do but Im not able to.",0.0,neutral,confident 232,depressed,Saw something that took me by surprise today.,speaker,1,I was buying a 1 year anniversary card for my boyfriend today and i saw the exact same card I bought for my fiance' on our 3 year anniversary who passed away from brain cancer. I couldn't help but cry in the middle of the store and all the way home.. Just kinda felt like saying that out loud versus keeping it in. I dunno if i wanna tell my current boyfriend a week before our anniversary. u_u just upset. made me relive a lot of memories when I gave him that card while he was going through everything...,-0.1445,negative,sad 232,depressed,Saw something that took me by surprise today.,listener_1,2,"Keep on loving, you're doing great. Those little moments, where everything stops and you remember, they happen, because youre human you remember negatives, but also remember positives.",0.8519,positive,grateful 232,depressed,Saw something that took me by surprise today.,speaker,3,Thank you <3 ,0.3612,positive,wishing 233,depressed,"""never alone, but alone all the time.""",speaker,1,"for those who think /r/depression isnt real, well i got something for you. depression is when you have a family but choose to config tor when people get to close. A wife that will do anything for you, but its never enough, a daughter that makes you proud but gets on your nerves. The smile on my face cant cover the fact that i dont give a fuck. why is that? why am i never satisfied. why am i ready to just go away..!",0.8542,positive,content 234,depressed,"I'm inadequate. Or not right, not the one for you. I'm frustrated in all aspects of my life right now.",speaker,1,"I don't like where I'm at now. I just recently graduated from undergrad and now that the academic year has started, I'm in grad school now - because I have to be. I have to be in grad school now because the work that I applied for, which I got, requires me to be in grad school while doing it. I have to work right away because my parents' belief is that they put us through school so we can get a good job afterwards, so the longer I don't have a job the more I'll be ""useless"" for them, the more I won't be fulfilling the reason why they went through everything they did just to get me through college. I fuckin hate that I always ""have to"". I know my life is going somewhere, that this is ""good"" for my career, but I'm not happy. I want to rest. Take a break. Do the things I love, the things I didn't get to do because I had to focus getting where my parents want me to, where I had to be. No, I don't hate going to school - I love learning new things. I just want to rest. Really. I'm just tired. I want to travel, to go deeper with my yoga practice, to spend more time with my dog, to learn to cook more dishes, bake more cakes or cookies. I want to sleep more, to watch more movies and TV series, to party more, to meet more people. I want to be in a relationship! I'm so crippled at this. I don't know how to handle attention. I don't know how to get attention. I was never allowed to date while at school to avoid distraction. I never dated. Now I don't know how to be with someone. I don't see any potential partner around me. I liked several but they didn't like me back - because I liked them too fast. I don't know how to win this relationship game. I feel lonely, unloved, unwanted. I'm not ugly, not fat, not stupid. I've gotten a lot of compliments, that I'm unbelievably attractive, or whatever. But from people who are so far away from me, people from the internet, people who are already involved. They're nowhere near me. I feel like I'm failing at the only thing I ever wanted to achieve, which is to be happy whatever it is. I'm aware that I haven't been sincerely happy ever since college. I took a course that everyone considers something only ""monsters"" take. I fucking got in, survived, and got out. But because I'm not really THAT GOOD, I've always felt mediocre, even when other people tell me that just being in that course means that you're already THAT GOOD. But no, this course that everyone thinks so highly of is hell. Everyone is competitive. People look down on you if you scored A-. You're incredibly stupid, like what the hell are you even doing here, if you scored anything lower than that. People are inconsiderate; they crush you more if they see you feeling down for performing bad. They make you feel you don't belong there. And every fucking time, you feel like everyone else is performing good except you. I graduated cum laude, and normally people would be happy/proud of that but no, because the tradition in this course is to graduate summa/magna cum laude, I feel incredibly stupid for not doing enough to get even a magna. I feel so inadequate. That's it. I'm always inadequate. Tl;dr I'm inadequate. Or not right, not the one for you. I'm frustrated in all aspects of my life right now. ",-0.9716,negative,apprehensive 234,depressed,"I'm inadequate. Or not right, not the one for you. I'm frustrated in all aspects of my life right now.",listener_1,2,"I dont think you don't like you very much. It seems like you're always proving yourself to other people (usually just as a matter of circumstance), but people don't matter. No one will be able to love you if you don't like yourself. I don't have a solution for you. I know that I want to travel too. I've been looking at trips to Europe and saving bit by bit, as much as I can spare. I'll be able to fly out in 2020, hoping to go during the last fall to see early Christmas stuff. It's a goal, something distant but it's enough for me to hold onto for now. I didn't make it in college so I don't get paid much. Sounds like you might be able to, which will make your dreams come faster. That sounds nice. Just don't quit or burn any bridges. But don't run yourself into the ground for other people's sake. If you want to burn the candle at both ends, do it for You. If you want to relax, close your eyes, and stop thinking for a while as cool air breezes past your face, fucking do it. Even if you don't have time for it. You'll catch up. You sound awesome enough to be able to. Like Shia says, don't let your dreams be dreams. I always laugh at that video, but it's really true. You're the only think holding you back. That, and physics. So go be the you you wanna be now, but don't forget about the you that's planning for the future. Cuzco the future is a Lot longer than the present. The present is always gone in an instant, but the future always keeps coming. That later part sounded cooler in my head. Hope you feel better buddy. Maybe someday we can afford to be who we want to be all the time. Wouldn't that be nice.",0.9947,positive,hopeful 234,depressed,"I'm inadequate. Or not right, not the one for you. I'm frustrated in all aspects of my life right now.",speaker,3,"""No one will be able to love you if you don't like yourself."" Thank you for this. I stopped reading just to think about this and you have a point. It's just really difficult to get out of it. Thank you. ",-0.0549,negative,agreeing 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,speaker,1,"I'd be skinny, I'd have a beard and I'd live in Tennessee with you. But it's not. And I'm stuck here alone.",-0.1002,negative,lonely 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,listener_1,2,I don't think anyone w a beard is perfect,0.5719,positive,jealous 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,speaker,3,I just wish I could grow one. I feel like it would slim my face down a bit. And my ex likes it when guys have facial hair,0.7906,positive,jealous 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,speaker,4,"I've never burned a washing machine down, I need to party with you XD",0.8038,positive,confident 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,listener_2,5,xD Come home. I invite you. ,0.6597,positive,wishing 235,depressed,If life were perfect...,speaker,6,Be there in 5 XD,0.6739,positive,prepared 236,depressed,"Im deeply depressed about going to work, I need change, struggling to give up what use to be my greatest passion.",speaker,1,"I (32m) have been with this company for 10 years. I love the company and all my co-workers. Im struggling to engage with the owner/my boss. I am at the top of the company (aside from him), everyone comes to me for help and support, I only have him, and his choices and delays in releasing everything I need to do my job are affecting my happiness drastically. I use to very happy, life in general has now become monotonous and extremely depressing. Its a struggle to go to bed at night because I dont want to wake up the next day. I make a very healthy living, I travel constantly, well not lately because of my inability to get the tools I need in order to do my job (website and products) I love everything about my type of work and my company, but what do you do when the person getting in the way is the owner? I cant fire him and hire someone capable lol. Additionally he NEVER praises me for doing a good job. The only time he ever makes comments they are always negative, and how I should be doing better, how its just not good enough. Or he shuts down my ideas when I come up with amazingly great ways to improve business and our market pressence. I dont want to leave, but I am bored. Im a very hard worker, I relish being overwhelmingly busy and having the days fly by. Im never depressed about working overtime if I need to, it makes me feel good. My clients are amazing, the money is amazing, everything is great, aside from my boss and his delays in completing what I need. I just starting to feel like I can go on like this, its been a few months that its been bad, and its starting to drive me crazy. So I spend alot of time on Reddit trying to escape hahah. How do I escape this? How do I deal with someone who I need all the support in the world from, but is unable to give me that support? Someone who I cant even talk to about it because he shuts down my advice, or input, or help? How do I walk away from something I love? Plus my mortgage and car payments, I would need to sell both and downgrade, but theres got be be a different way. Something that I cant think of, so reaching out to the Reddit world for advice.",0.9966,positive,disappointed 236,depressed,"Im deeply depressed about going to work, I need change, struggling to give up what use to be my greatest passion.",listener_1,2,"Some of the best advice I have received is: You cannot change others, you can only change yourself. To hell with that guy. You will not find the solace you crave from him because he will not give it. That cannot be changed - you have tried. Thus, for your sanity, your best option would be to change jobs. Yes, that may require downsizing, but that is a small price to pay to have the - chance - to be happier than you are now. Don't revel in your current tedium, but don't remain unchanged either. Take some time, put your head together, formulate a plan of action to change jobs, and leave his butt in the dust.",0.8573,positive,trusting 236,depressed,"Im deeply depressed about going to work, I need change, struggling to give up what use to be my greatest passion.",speaker,3,"This is exactly what Im struggling with, reveling and changing, and I agree and appreciate your support. I do need to just take more time, Ive been struggling with this for a while, and Im just at my wits end, but being such a huge decision, I do need to just get my head together adn think a little more clearly rather than just doing something im going to regret, or something that I cant take back or change once its started. But my mind has already started the process of considering what my options might be, so at least im taking the first step. Thank you again kind stranger, it just helps just getting it off my chest and having any support at all. ",0.96,positive,agreeing 237,depressed,Depression. Does this ever end?,speaker,1,"Please help me understand why is this happening to me. I've done everything that my doctor has asked me to do. After years in therapy and multiple trials of meds, I'm not hopeful anymore that I will feel better. I thought I was doing all the right things, but why do I feel so horrible. I'm beginning to think that depression will kill me. I just want this unrelenting sadness to end. I don't want to go through more years of this. Where is the compassion? I feel it's cruel to expect someone depressed to live like this. I don't wish this on anyone. I just want this to stop forever.",-0.9843,negative,devastated 237,depressed,Depression. Does this ever end?,listener_1,2,Watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35s4-3T5dJY ,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 237,depressed,Depression. Does this ever end?,listener_2,3,Thank you for this.,0.3612,positive,wishing 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,speaker,1,"I must publicly admit... I always thought depression was a mind over matter kind of thing, but it most definitely is not. I was very stupid for thinking that. It's like being drowned. I imagine the equivalent physical feeling is water boarding or something, like being smothered and helpless to really combat it. You can find little distractions, but once your mind settles, you're completely helpless to stop it from starting again. There is also a bizarre desire to just run out the door and not stop.",-0.9565,negative,terrified 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,listener_1,2,"Drowning here myself, nothing has gotten me out of my funk its been weeks feel like if I keep faking it maybe I'll forget I'm depressed and get over it....",-0.6705,negative,disappointed 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,speaker,3,"Mine has gotten progressively worse. I thought it would get better by working more, because I really love it - its the one right thing in my life, but when I come home it just spirals out of control.",0.3912,positive,devastated 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,listener_2,4,I understand. I'm programmed to never stop smiling... it hurts. :),-0.1759,negative,agreeing 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,listener_1,5,"I'm the person who cheers others , it really sucks a person dry",0.079,positive,sad 238,depressed,Guess I know how it feels now,listener_1,6,"Time flies when you're having fun, so you go to work get excited then the day goes by and BAM back at home alone with your darkness.",0.4019,positive,lonely 239,depressed,When I'm depressed I'm my worse bully.,speaker,1,"I feel like I'm deeper in a dark pool then I have been before. I have been depressed before but not this long and this ""dark"". Friends had an intervention for me of sorts a few weeks ago but since I think I'm the only person they know with mood issues it lasted 20 minutes and the follow-up was a few text messages, it was kind of them but I'm still broken and alone. I have so many changes in my life right now so many things broken around me out of my control.",-0.8149,negative,lonely 239,depressed,When I'm depressed I'm my worse bully.,listener_1,2,"I'm pretty sure life is out of control period. I know what you're saying. Stick in there, see what the changes bring. Change sucks to some, but watch what happens, you might be surprised. And if you're not, just wait, and make the change the norm. Just see where all the nonsense takes you.",-0.0516,negative,anticipating 239,depressed,When I'm depressed I'm my worse bully.,speaker,3,Thanx,0.0,neutral,consoling 240,depressed,Just Sharing How I Feel,speaker,1,"I've had a long battle with depression and/or other issues, I really needed a place tonight to just lay it all out because it's a lot to process. I'm in my mid-20s right now. It's likely that I won't live to see 30 because of a heart-related defect. When I was too young to understand what that meant, and while all the other kids were dreaming of changing the world and having great jobs, all I wanted to be when I grew up was a cool father like mine. It's the worst feeling ever to know you'll never even have a chance to reach the one goal in your life that means the most, no matter what. I try to keep it to myself and to go about the rest of my life trying to be as normal as possible. I find one thing that distracts me and focus all my energy into it. Sometimes it's a project that winds up unfinished, sometimes I get lost in hobbies/entertainment, sometimes it's a girl (which is always a bad idea), for a while it was drinking (results of a bad idea), lately it's been work, which has helped. But I often wind up depersonalizing and drifting away from whatever my focus was on. I've had brushes with writing the ultimate end to my story twice now. The first time was after I tried college out unsuccessfully and parted ways with the only legitimate girlfriend I've ever had. The second was more recently. I tried medication, therapy, the whole nine yards. Meditating always helps a little. Again, keeping busy with work does too. The days off and alone are the hardest, especially now that I've quit drinking in a town where that's, without exaggerating, all there is to do. I've lost a few friends to depression over the years. A recent one was a good friend from college who was the most electric personality I think I've ever met. His passing shook me. But before that, a co-worker of my dad's who was kind of my hero passed in the same way when I was still in high school. That one hit the hardest. To see someone who gave so much of himself to everyone around him still suffer that much before finally being cut down by that depression in his 50s upsets me so much. I'm working to at least help my community out and at least trying to keep friends happy before my time is up. I want to go out on my own terms. I'm tired of my condition taking my humanity away from me. I could go on, but I'm realizing what a page-full I just typed. TLDR: I'm slowly falling apart, lonely, and (as this is the depression sub) depressed.",-0.9596,negative,sad 240,depressed,Just Sharing How I Feel,listener_1,2,"I'm proud of you that you keep trying. It sucks to be stuck in something like that that constantly nags at you and ominously follows you around. But the fact that you get out of bed every day is already a step in the right direction. Try to love someone or something every day (I should take my own advice, I've been feeling down latley too). Best of wishes stranger.",0.9455,positive,proud 240,depressed,Just Sharing How I Feel,speaker,3,"Thank you for your words of encouragement. It means a lot. You hit a nail there, it can often be the most difficult to just love something each day, especially when many of those days are spent in a hospital. Best of luck to you as well and thank you again.",0.9552,positive,wishing 240,depressed,Just Sharing How I Feel,speaker,4,"Oh jeez, I appreciate your concern man. I will get back to the bracket, hopefully soon if I can. A lot of trips to the hospital and long shifts at work started eating up my time. Luckily, it's a long off-season and I'm eager to revisit it. The support from you guys means a lot. :)",0.9423,positive,grateful 241,depressed,Dont know if im depressed or hopeless.,speaker,1,"I just moved by myself after having lived with friends for most of my young adult life. I have never been the center of anything, i am kind of both timid and outgoing at the same time, forgettable might be to word im looking for. Now, i dont long to be the center of anything, im more pissed at myself for not having earned my place. Be it with friends or with love. I guess i wasted alot of time i could have invested in myself the last 10 years (or more) as I haven`t mastered anything and i feel its now coming back to bite me in the ass. Now i am in a situation where if i start my studies (which i flunked due to anxiety) i risk getting screwed economically. If i keep working where i do i risk it not taking me anywhere. What i am getting at though is that alone time has been treating me badly and made me realize how lonley i really am and has been for a long time. I feel distanced from myself and i feel empty, like there is no part of me to be depressed about almost. At the same time im aware that i can be intelligently funny, thoughtful, reflective and although i can come off as pessimistic im normally quite optimistic, just highly realistic. I dunno, as a 28 year old guy a part of me tells me to get the fuck up while my other half sees me as a running joke. In the end i feel i just chose the middle of the road while never finding that thing that really sparks my inspiration-gene... I am sure its out there, but something that started out as bad luck ended up with me waiting way too long for something thats never gonna find me. To anyone reading, pointing out any bullshit in my way of thinking would be appreciated as im too deep in it to see it myself. English is my second language incase any wierd sentences.",-0.8047,negative,lonely 241,depressed,Dont know if im depressed or hopeless.,listener_1,2,"Hello, I read your post closely. Here is what I take from it: 1) You can be happy because you are sensitive and intelligent. 2) You need to make a life change and understand your worth to yourself and those around you 3) Living alone may not be good for you now 4) Get professional help, you may need to let it out and even need medication (I am not a doctor, just a fellow sufferer) 5) Get back in school 6) You are YOUNG! and you have an opportunity to get your life on track 7) You are not alone and have your entire life ahead of you to do great/fun things! ",0.8409,positive,trusting 241,depressed,Dont know if im depressed or hopeless.,speaker,3,"Thank you. I thought a couple of days about some of your points and you are right, on some things more than id like to admit. I think i need the start making small changes, to make the brain familiar with change. Maybe i will see more options then! thank you",0.845,positive,agreeing 241,depressed,Dont know if im depressed or hopeless.,speaker,4,"It definitely makes me feel better when i read stuff like this :), thanks! And the same to you, feel free to open up if there is something keeping you down at the moment. In any case, i hope you get past it.",0.9476,positive,agreeing 242,depressed,Tired of so much lately,speaker,1,"I am 25 yrs old almost 26. Right now I have hit a point in my life that I just don't know what I'm doing, why, or even if I should just continue or roll over and let the massive waves of life crash on me more. I moved halfway across the states for a girl. Life was erratic and none the less I was content. After 6 years of me struggling to keep ends meeting and still go to school and live out here with her she left me for a group friend. Found out also she cheated on me a few times. Needless to say I am thankful that I am no longer with someone like that. To go further into the breakup what sucks even more is that all the group friends I have made over the years here all left me as well. The puppy I had got had passed away a month after and drowned in my backyard because somehow she managed to get into a tall trashcan that had filled with rainwater. I pulled her out the one little friend that was actually helping me force myself to get up to go work to get up and take care of this little loving dope. I have no family in the states. I am part of a military unit that I just don't seem to particularly fit in with. I'm no shit bag but it's just my interests are not anywhere what they would enjoy nor theirs anything I would enjoy. This being said I have forced myself to go out. I have picked up going to the gym to keep myself going outside. I have been slaving myself away at work to keep my mind busy. Just for them to go demote me after working 50 hrs/wk (salary) and cut my pay by a quarter. I rent a rather large home with a room mate as well. My ex took a lot of my stuff and the place now seems extremely empty. My room mate is almost never home and is staying a lot out of town at his girl friends place. To make matters worse after this pay cut I can't afford my bills and stuff too. I can't afford my car and I am upside down on the loan too. I feel like my life is just there to test me and give not even the slightest head nod back to me of reassurance. I'm tired of coming home. I'm tired of feeling like a hollow piece of insignificant shit every time I step through my door. I am tired of getting treated like just a tool for other people. I am tired of so much and I just can't seem to find a moment to rest. I sit in my bathroom and pull a towel over my head and let the shower fill the room with steam. As I lean against the glass. I will say this there are lots of things I should feel thankful for. Maybe I am just being sad about stuff that shouldn't really bother me. I'm trying to fight against it but it feels like I'm just losing the energy to tread in this sea of depressing thoughts.",-0.8071,negative,content 242,depressed,Tired of so much lately,listener_1,2,"I feel ya. I found this sub and I like to comment on it positively because I had servere depression previous to this, but unfortunately the last couple of weeks have not been kind. I'm in a whole new college, with no friends. I don't have time or money to spend, and the one thing that was keeping me going (my ex) is now with someone. I have to really try to stay steady because I can drop like a rock emotion wise. I just sit here and stare at the wall now. This stuff seems insignificant but I just have that big hole in my chest. But I'm going to get up tomorrow. I will. And I gonna do what the day gives me. I hope you can too, each day to come. One step at a time, you and me both. Good luck, you can do it.",0.7055,positive,lonely 242,depressed,Tired of so much lately,speaker,3,Thanks man I appreciate it,0.6808,positive,grateful 242,depressed,Tired of so much lately,speaker,4,I appreciate your support. A lot. I'm tired of people saying just forget it and move on and to stop dwelling. I don't know I just feel cheated for my time I've lost and now I'm here in this area with frankly no one but a very distant room mate. It's just depressing. I dread coming home. It's empty and alone. I went from being used to having friends and a girl I could care for to having no one to hang out with or to share good or bad times with. I feel like.. I'm putting fuel into a tank with a hole in it. I just can't keep it filled for the life of me. I have the general group of people that tell me to just suck it up and move on and I'm like how am I supposed to do that? I can't really distract myself by going out with friends because all of my previous ones abandoned me to side with my ex. I should also state I have so much anger towards my ex that I hold no romantic interests in the least just bitterness for having me go through so much just to be told that I did nothing to be in her life.,-0.9498,negative,lonely 242,depressed,Tired of so much lately,speaker,5,I frankly have become bitter and distant. I mean at work I still manage to put on that false smile all customer service based employees have but still.... I just have this feeling of I don't give two shits about anything really anymore,0.6272,positive,sad 243,depressed,I am alone.,speaker,1,"Now more than ever in my entire life I feel truly alone. My friends and I are drifting apart ever slowly and despite my best attempts to keep us together we continue to move away from each other. The late nights (such as this one, 2:44 AM here) often bring a tear to my eye as I struggle to keep my sanity in check. It seems as if all that I work for in college, for a brighter future for myself and those around me seems pointless as I have found without friends I cannot find true happiness. I've experienced this before in my life, and have lost friends because we drifted apart. Even though now I am actively trying to keep my group of friends together we hang out sparsely and I am sad to say they are the only friends I have. Without them I fear what may happen to me, I already know that I will likely never find a significant other or be well known for a great deed. Without friends to remind me that I am human, all the hard work is becoming worthless to me. I see absolutely no reason to work for a future that may never exist, and grow jealous of the people who are active post-college with their friends and have found the love of their lives. I am alone, afraid, and depressed. Please help me. ",0.7852,positive,lonely 243,depressed,I am alone.,listener_1,2,"We're all alone here, someday in life you're have to wake up and accept the fact that everyone will leave you at some point in your life and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Look at this sub, there are dozens who post here everyday, all of them feeling no better than you are, so take comfort in that you are alone with other people, too. You share this misery with lots of other people. And no time soon will your situation be better, you just have to look at it in a different light, that's the only thing you can do. If all else fail, there's always pot and whiskey to help. ",-0.4593,negative,lonely 243,depressed,I am alone.,speaker,3,"For me true happiness is having a social life, but I have trouble making new friends sadly. ",0.0258,neutral,lonely 244,depressed,I am so sad... Is anybody a friend on here?,speaker,1,I am looking for my nephew on here and I also would love a new friend. I am 67 years old and it's not uncommon for me to have an accident in my pajamas in the evenings. It feels good to share that. Thank You. SEND.,0.8979,positive,embarrassed 244,depressed,I am so sad... Is anybody a friend on here?,listener_1,2,"if you are going through a bad phase or your heart is broken, one sided love or family problem. Someone is not happy with his colleague or somebody wants to confess something. Someone is alone and need some advice or somebody wants to share something. Whatever might be the issue, we all need someone to share. And that someone is Me! I would love to listen to your problem because I am your new friend!!! www.nirvana.net.in",0.7484,positive,trusting 244,depressed,I am so sad... Is anybody a friend on here?,speaker,3,Isn't Nirvana that band where the lead singer killed himself?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 244,depressed,I am so sad... Is anybody a friend on here?,speaker,4,There's nothing nice about suicide! How is this abbo dalla in here?,0.3716,positive,questioning 245,depressed,I want help,speaker,1,"It's so hard for me to write this. I don't want to be sad anymore. to make a long story short. two days ago I hurt this girl i met just that day by sleeping with her and afterwards barely acknowledging her. When she confronted me with it I just broke down into tears to that girl I just met. Every doubt every fear every insecurity, that has added up over the years. Came out in the middle of the city late at night. Until then I had never talked to anyone about any of it. I don't know how I can feel like this. So many people out there have real problems, people who were abused people that actually have something to be sad about. I have no reason to feel this way. I am in my early twenties, not bad looking, I am intelligent, I have money, great parents who could not be better to me. I have a bunch of friends. I have been given all the chances that so many people would kill for to have had. And here I am just wasting all of those opportunities. On top of that I feel so bad about every selfish thing I have done to others over the years to get what I wanted. It just eats me up inside, so much so that I have been tearing up when I go to sleep. I don't want to do anything, all I do is to minimize the amount of work I have to do. I'm such a lazy person and I can't stand it about myself. I want to change but I just can't. Not by myself. But I also don't want to be anyone else problem. Every time I see a train I want to just jump in front of it. Or jump of the balcony. But I don't want to die I like living I want to be happy. I just don't know anymore I just hope I'm not the only one feeling this way. I'm sorry I'm not a good writer, sorry if what I wrote is weird... ",-0.7309,negative,ashamed 245,depressed,I want help,listener_1,2,Well if you slept with her the same day you met her what was she expecting? What were you?,0.3527,positive,questioning 245,depressed,I want help,speaker,3,"I don't know, I didn't expect much. I just did what I wanted to do in that moment. I just feel so guilty for putting her in that position.",-0.5598,negative,guilty 245,depressed,I want help,listener_1,4,Well unless your some extremely suave ladysman (maybe you are) she wanted the same as you. Nothing to feel guilty about if you both wanted the same thing.,0.7734,positive,neutral 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",speaker,1,"I'm going to try and keep this brief. But I may talk more about this ordeal later. Anyway... I should be a really happy person, at least I think i should be. I have good friends, a nice school, a band, a free mind and spirit, a talent for art, a fit body...however Im an idiot, therefore i need to stop my constant complaining about my life, especially my a-socialness, my friends and my body. My friends are nice, but they don't listen to me nor do many of them care about my interests despite me wondering about theirs. my body is alright, but there are loads of acne on my shoulders and (mildly) on my arms. I don't like a lot of my body. I don't know whats wrong with me. my asocial nature? Its very bad. Im not even sure how to word it... Ive been told I'm really funny and social. But there are other days when Im told Im not. My band is the only thing I like 100% in my life. It's fun (I drum and play piano in the band) and the band has friends who i know will never get mad at me or treat me as a less than equal person. I love the three of them...Im really fucked though, I wish i had more to live for. Im going to divert... ...theres an absence in my life which i know is my fault but i'm not willing to admit. Despite all of the wonderful things my life has inside of it, i feel that i am missing a person who i can call a lover of mine. This thought has been getting deep into my head since the age of thirteen. Im depressed. Recently on my birthday I met a girl. She's really sweet and i like her a lot. Things have gotten a bit serious between the two of us. In our time of knowing each other, Ive hung out with her three times. My problem is that i don't know if well be able to spend much time together...she's just started college yesterday and for the past month or so I haven't been able to see her (due to other circumstances). She's not the best at replying to texts, which just worsens my sadness. I really like her (if you haven't noticed) Im going to stop here, since its making me feel worse talking on a post that nobody will respond to. If you do, I'd be happy to: answer questions, vent(sorry), let you in on some of my secrets and regrets. Im not sharing my age. ",0.9944,positive,ashamed 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",listener_1,2,"I'm in the same situation as you bud, I also have a band, that's the only thing I feel I have that really makes me happy. I'm waiting for someone to love that will make me happy, at the moment I feel just as alone. I've been severely depressed, and I'm relying on hope that one day everything will turn around. It does feel better knowing I'm not the only one. Best of luck to you.",0.9556,positive,lonely 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",speaker,3,"Thanks, you too. Hey what's your band let me give a listen",0.4404,positive,agreeing 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",listener_1,4,"It's called the generics, www.soundcloud.com/thegenerics, Id be glad to give your band a listen too",0.4588,positive,agreeing 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",speaker,5,"You guys remind me of bowling for soup mixed with blink. I like it. https://pileofnapkins.bandcamp.com/ This is my band, we're kinda indie alternative and were still experimenting",0.3612,positive,nostalgic 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",listener_1,6,"You guys are pretty good, i like how there's a variety of different sounds The transitions in happy song are really good, it's a catchy song, the solo was great, it's a good pick me up song, all in all it was pretty enjoyable. :) You guys are good, just keep experimenting, find out what sound you guys love and enjoy to play. ",0.9919,positive,acknowledging 246,depressed,"My regular life shows no meaning or happiness. The only time it does is when Im practicing with my band. (Also, I seek a real love experience in my life.)",speaker,7,"thanks man, you too. ",0.4404,positive,agreeing 247,depressed,#worstfriendever,speaker,1,"Sorry for this pathetic public monologue, but I am sick to my stomach and am trying to cope with my situation. One of my best friends is getting married Sunday and I am supposed to be flying back home tomorrow. He has been calling me all day and I haven't even answered because of the anxiety and shame consuming me. I have just recently moved and the job front is not going as well as I had hoped. I never bought a ticket home because I simply cannot afford it. He is expecting a call from me in the morning to confirm when my plane is landing.....its killing me. I haven't slept in days and I spend every day scouring craigslist for any type of odd jobs to make some money. Im so embarrassed and heart broken that I wont be able to be there. I will now be deprived of that wonderful life long memory with some of my favorite people. I am the #worstfriendever. ",-0.757,negative,ashamed 247,depressed,#worstfriendever,listener_1,2,someone start a crowdfunding project for this lady FUCK IM BRILLIANT why can't i do it ? #laziestfuckever,0.0772,positive,questioning 247,depressed,#worstfriendever,speaker,3,"thats sweet, but its not why I posted. I just feel suffocated and had to get it out....I don't expect a bunch of strangers to just give me 350 dollars. Thanks for the thought though",0.705,positive,neutral 248,depressed,"It's not you, it's me",speaker,1,"It never works out when I try to make friends. Sometimes I try too hard, sometimes I don't try hard enough. I don't why it's so hard for me to connect with people. I try putting myself out there and being social but it never works out. It's so fucking depressing that I don't have any friends let alone any best friends. My self-esteem is at an all time low and I feel like my dogs are the only ones that love me. I just don't know what is wrong with me. Why can't I be interesting or fun? What am I missing? I have all of the material possessions I need but not people who matter. ",0.6897,positive,lonely 248,depressed,"It's not you, it's me",listener_1,2,I know exactly how you feel!!!!!!!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 248,depressed,"It's not you, it's me",listener_2,3,"Same here. Plus, when I do find people who wanna hang out with me, I find myself having fun for a week, then wanting to stay home and decline any offers to go out. Then I loose them as potential friends. ",0.6249,positive,sad 248,depressed,"It's not you, it's me",speaker,4,Thanks for that ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 249,depressed,Someone to talk to,speaker,1,"If there's anyone out there who needs someone to talk to, and is struggling with depression, I'd be more than willing to talk or even listen to you. I was in the military for 7 years, I've helped some soldiers who were struggling, I've even struggled, myself. Please don't hesitate to pm me.",-0.8218,negative,caring 249,depressed,Someone to talk to,listener_1,2,"Rather than making a post offering help to anyone who may be out there, people on here may find it far more helpful if you start reading through some of the posts and answer them personally based on what they have to say. You can then be there to listen to them that way while also making them feel heard because someone gave a sincere reply to what they wrote in their post. ",0.8173,positive,trusting 249,depressed,Someone to talk to,speaker,3,"I appreciate the advice, I'll take it into consideration.",0.4019,positive,grateful 250,depressed,"Today, I picked up a pen and started writing poetry. This is what I ended up with.",speaker,1,"I woke up that day, Just like any other, Went downstairs & spoke to my mother, Met up with my friends, Like I normally would, When asked how I was, I always said ""good"" Whilst in my head, I knew I was lying, Nobody knows, That deep down I'm dying. I try to act normal, Just like my best friend, But I know soon, my life will end. That night I went home, And got into bed, I whispered goodbye, And put a bullet in my head.",0.8294,positive,ashamed 250,depressed,"Today, I picked up a pen and started writing poetry. This is what I ended up with.",listener_1,2,Reminds me of Richard Cory: http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/174248,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 250,depressed,"Today, I picked up a pen and started writing poetry. This is what I ended up with.",speaker,3,"wow, they do seem very similar! mainly the ending line. Thanks for sharing this poem with me! ",0.8774,positive,acknowledging 250,depressed,"Today, I picked up a pen and started writing poetry. This is what I ended up with.",listener_1,4,"Definitely the ending line and also the facade that the speaker in your poem and Corey (intentionally or unintentionally) kept up for everybody else. ""...We thought that he was everything/ To make us wish that we were in his place."" ",0.6597,positive,agreeing 250,depressed,"Today, I picked up a pen and started writing poetry. This is what I ended up with.",listener_2,5,I wouldn't be surprised if Kanye West would steal this great poetry and make it a rap song.,0.2521,positive,surprised 251,depressed,I'm tired of fighting for life...,speaker,1,"I feel I should stop fighting for my life it won't get better so what's the point? every problem just land right on my head Everyone else make problems and I will pay for it and well I will apologize for their mistakes I don't want this life, nothing is in it for me ",-0.9028,negative,ashamed 251,depressed,I'm tired of fighting for life...,listener_1,2,We all get tired every once in a while. It sounds like there's a lot on your plate and you're reaching a breaking point. Is it possible for you to stop and take some time to rest?,-0.2023,negative,questioning 251,depressed,I'm tired of fighting for life...,speaker,3,not really I regret about everything in my life,0.3691,positive,ashamed 251,depressed,I'm tired of fighting for life...,listener_2,4,"not good advice for someone struggling. I know you are trying to help, but this is breaking one of the cardinal rules of how to help someone in pain. ",-0.3925,negative,neutral 252,depressed,Don't know what to do anymore...,speaker,1,"I am a 15 year old boy who has been going through a lot lately. This may take a while to write or this might be really short... I don't know where this is going so I will just start with a basic summary. As I said I am 15 and massively depressed. I have ruled out puberty as the cause because it's been way too long for it just to be mood swings. My parents are complete assholes, not abussive, but so pushy and demanding and it just frustrates me that I can't do anything I want. I can't be myself. I am considered a ""popular"" kid at my school but there are times where I feel like I don't deserve my friends, there are times that I feel that I don't even deserve my life. I just feel hopeless. This is starting to turn into more of a rant so I'm sorry, I just need to know if there is anyone there that can help or that feels the same way. Good bye. -Gavin <3",-0.8922,negative,sad 252,depressed,Don't know what to do anymore...,listener_1,2,Take everyday as it comes and dont feel too down bud life gets better there's always something unexpected around the corner you never know what life is going to give you! Keep strong ,0.7574,positive,hopeful 252,depressed,Don't know what to do anymore...,speaker,3,Thank you so much! It means a lot! <3 ,0.4738,positive,acknowledging 252,depressed,Don't know what to do anymore...,speaker,4,Thank you so so much. Ever since I posted this I've been feeling better. Hope you are doing well yourself <3,0.872,positive,wishing 252,depressed,Don't know what to do anymore...,listener_2,5,Great. I'm glad to hear that! I'm doing well!,0.8684,positive,acknowledging 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,speaker,1,"So i have been struggling for years now...i have no job live with my parents what money i do get i spend on videogames and the like to distract myself so i don't get suicidal and try to kill myself AGAIN. Lately i had to go on a diet since i am overweight and now with food out as a pleasure source the only things i find pleasure from in life now is Destroying things or killing things or playing videogames. The first two are morally wrong and make me feel bad if i did them (still would get the pleasure...) so i can only really play videogames. So my life is me playing video games inside struggling to survive and the only thing keeping me between depression and suicide is the next fallout or the next elder scrolls game etc... i have even had to resort to piracy since i couldn't afford enough to keep me distracted. I have gone to multiple therapists and mental health places / psychologists and nothing is working...im sick of waking up every morning and hating life and wanting it to end. I tried to talk to my parents /supporters and they just go ""well he was happy earlier laughing and smilling"" and never believe me all they do to help is keep me alive in which is..a fate worse then death. I don't know what to do anymore nothing is changing for three years...infact now there is even more stress then pleasure and the longer it goes on the stress piles up and the incoming traffic of stress beats out the incoming traffic of pleasure. between pleasure and stress i'm skewed to 99% stress and 1% pleasure and it's only the 1% pleasure that keeps me alive and makes me able to smile and laugh at times without it i would be dead.",-0.3494,negative,ashamed 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,listener_1,2,"Instead of distracting yourself to make your depression bearable, why not address the problem and resolve it? Why do you hate existing? What is it that makes the world seem unappealing to you? Perhaps nothing will change until you are determined to address the problem in a serious way. First you must identify it. Once you know what the underlying problem is, you must find out its origin. What is the cause of the problem? One you know the source of the problem, you can look for solutions. Everything that has a cause has a solution. You are obviously depressed. I guess you know that. But why are you depressed? Do you know?",-0.9229,negative,questioning 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,speaker,3,Why do you hate existing? What is it that makes the world seem unappealing to you? The answer is simply i hate how this world is i hate that we live in a social world where you have to be social to work and maintain a life. I'm someone who isn't very social i have Aspergers and for the most part my depression comes from society being ill fitted towards someone like me. Then come issues with the fact i only get enjoyment out of playing videogames nothing else in life brings me enjoyment well except for messing with peoples heads but that is not acceptable behaviour or healthy behaviour. I have tried looking for a solution but i don't know how to change society to be more accepting around people like me.,0.7949,positive,sad 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,listener_2,4,"this is EXACTLY how I feel. I hate how this world ended up. Work to live, live to work. Only the social, smart, and outgoing ones do well and basically survive. I hate it. I would rather be an animal. At least i would have a simple life of eating and sleeping.",-0.34,negative,jealous 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,listener_1,5,"I too dislike living in close proximity to our kind so I've chosen to live the life of a hermit, on a remote mountain with dogs, in a place where even the US Postal Service doesn't deliver. I am happier living this way than ever. Nature is the source of my sanity and instruction. My dogs, unlike ourselves, retain the wonderful ability to respond appropriately to circumstances. They are my teachers, protectors, caretakers and guides for exploring the wilderness. I have lived in this State for 4 years and know only my landlord and the lady at the post office where I get my mail once a month. For the last 5 years, reddit has been my primary source of human interaction. I have had incredible insights into what it means to be human and what sorts of things fuck us up. I have actually done what I used to think was impossible when I was young; I have learned to live happy, without stress or anxiety. A lot, I suppose, has to do with the absence of social interaction with humans. You can't change society in time to benefit from the results. You can only control yourself. If you think outside of the box that society has defined you can find happiness, freedom, inspiration, beauty, peace, joy, and love (from non-humans). I never get lonely or bored out here. I never get stressed or worried or anxious. It's amazing. If anyone had suggested that such a life was possible when I was younger, I would not have believed it. But it is. I hope this will inspire you.",0.9862,positive,content 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,speaker,6,"> what it means to be human and what sorts of things fuck us up. I have actually done what I used to think was impossible when I was young; I have learned to live happy, without stress your words have inspired me thanks ^^",0.8240000000000001,positive,grateful 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,listener_1,7,Now go find yourself a couple of dogs and an uninhabited mountain! i wish you the best.,0.8016,positive,wishing 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,speaker,8,more of a cat person but i might think about doing that haha thanks.,0.8338,positive,acknowledging 253,depressed,Not enough pleasure or happiness in my life i can't cope or even function/get a job,listener_1,9,"I wanted to add that I tortured myself for decades because of my life-long socialization issues. Then, at the age of 50, I decided to cease all efforts at self-improvement and accept myself as I was right now spots and all. I stopped forcing myself to hang out with people when I didn't feel like it. The many positive changes that ensued from terminating all forms of self-improvement ironically led to vast improvements. For example, I stopped being afraid of humans. I still prefer solitude but I no longer fear them under most circumstances. If some luckless human makes its way to my dwelling place, I'm not to blame if they don't like it. They can leave. No problem. The voice of self-hate that had tormented me practically all my life was silenced. I didn't even know that could happen. I used to slink around mutter horrible insults about myself and the most nasty criticism possible. That's over for good. total waste of time. I no longer feel stress, anxiety or fear. I never compare myself to others or want to be better. I am both a cat and a dog person but my current household is catless. I have to explain to the dogs that cats are not food and then this will be rectified. ",-0.9783,negative,proud 254,depressed,I love her more than anyone in my life,speaker,1,"Hi guys .. I fell in love with a girl in my class.The thing is that I am fat, she has a boyfriend with whom are happy and every time I think about her (which is most of the time) I also imagine how we will never be together which at first it wasn't anything I didn't know, I mean I know that things between us will never work out, but in the last couple of days I'm feeling depressed as fck, sometimes I find it hard to breath and I'm feeling like shit .. tried blogging about it, thought it would make me feel better but I don't feel a difference.Can anyone help with anything ? Please don't say just wait and your feelings will disappear because I am waiting for those feeling to disappear over 4 months now :)",0.8793,positive,sad 254,depressed,I love her more than anyone in my life,listener_1,2,"That is not a nice situation to be in, unrequited love is never nice, and something that many of us have had to deal with at some point in our lives. You say you are ""fat"", maybe this pain could be a great driving force for you to change that, not only would it help with your health of course, but it will obviously help with your confidence to and quite possibly the depression you are feeling. Obviously what I am suggesting is not a quick fix, and that is because there are not any. The feelings that you have are of losing out on love, but just as importantly it is your self view and worth, so go do something about this...I hope that you do, and I hope that it helps. Best of luck.",0.9867,positive,suggesting 254,depressed,I love her more than anyone in my life,speaker,3,"Well for some reason after I wrote this I started crying for no reason at all which I thought I would never do if I had been asked a few months ago. I just .. idk dude it's not that being fat is the reason why I have completely no chance with her but rather because we were never close and moreover I got into a fight with her best friend because she was quite using me for some time and I had enough. I just don't know what the f to do.. every time I see her at school, every time I stare at her I just start feeling more and more down because I know that we will never be together.",0.7774,positive,ashamed 254,depressed,I love her more than anyone in my life,listener_1,4,"> because I know that we will never be together. This may or may not be true, and at 44 I have had to get over quite a few people in my life, but each time I got into a serious relationship they overthrew the memory of the last. What I am trying to say is that it's ok to be in pain, and good that you are letting all of this out. Be ok with feeling what you feel, it is a normal human reaction, but try to do things to help yourself move on. I am not trying to push you into exercise, although I think it would help, but doing things just for our own benefit helps bring about change. But please, don't feel any shame about feeling what you do, you will get over it when you are ready to, do try to get out a bit though, even if it is to visit a good friend.",0.9895,positive,trusting 254,depressed,I love her more than anyone in my life,speaker,5,"I try to do sports although it doesn't help and I'm also trying to distract myself from her but every time I remember about her and just seeing her face in my mind brings me into tears knowing that we will never be together.And I know that we will never be together because she has a boyfriend, they're happy and we never really talk she doesn't even have the smallest clue that I want to spend my fcking life with her. What is more, prom is coming and after that I am going to a completely different country and knowing that I won't even have the chance to dance with her is just bringing me into more and more tears. If someone would've told me the last few months that this is what I would have come to I would have laughed in his face.. I L S.",0.9069,positive,sad 255,depressed,This past year has completely ruined me.,speaker,1,"Hello out there. This past year has literally killed me inside. It started with a bad breakup, then a bad rebound relationship. Then I got mysteriously ill which resulted in me gaining a bunch of weight. My perfect skin started breaking out and I sought treatment after treatment which made everything much much worse. Its been a full year. My illness was diagnosed, and remedied. My weight went down with a ton of exercise and healthy diet and now my body looks great. The bad side. My skin has never been worse. It has made me a complete emotional wreck. I had switched to Yaz birth control and thats when it really took a toll. Im going off it in one week after being on it for four months. In addition, my breasts shrunk significantly and out of nowhere. I dont know if its from the weight loss, or from the medications I have been on. But losing my breasts and my skin looking so bad have really, really, really got me down on myself. Hard. Can anyone else relate or help or anything. I'm crying as I write this.",-0.9584,negative,grateful 255,depressed,This past year has completely ruined me.,listener_1,2,"Well I'm a dude so I can't exactly relate to going through struggles specific to your gender. But this past year has been incredibly rough for me too for a lot of reasons. Idk, if you wanna talk or anything then just message me I guess. I was honestly sad to see no one has commented here :/ ",-0.7814,negative,jealous 255,depressed,This past year has completely ruined me.,speaker,3,"Hey thanks, thats really nice of you. Um, Im fairly new to Reddit-ing and I still dont know how to do stuff...can you message me so I can answer? haha",0.8399,positive,acknowledging 255,depressed,This past year has completely ruined me.,speaker,4,Breakups are the worst!!! They just throw you so out of wack for so stupidly long periods of time. What happened this week? Can you message me too since I have no idea how to send messages? New Redditor over here....,-0.9082,negative,annoyed 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,speaker,1,"All my life since I can remember I have been a outcast. I am friendly, shy, and helpful. I grew into this self loathing person who sits alone day after day wondering ""why do I not get noticed"". I have helped many people. Helped my mom raise her kids even though I am the middle child. As a child I used to spend my allowance on candy. I would buy a bag and give the candy out hoping to make a friend bit they would just run off. I have always been labeled. Many people I tried to become friends with but their parents or other friends would stop it. Rumors were always spread about me because my name was close to another girls and people got our last name wrong. 3 different times because of this girl I was almost jumped, had to explain to groups of people that I was not her. In school was hard, I just wanted to be me but it was ugly. I grew up being called ugly can't look in a mirror without wanting to take a razor blade to my face. I take care of people if they need my help, need someone to help them out of a bad situation I am there. I care to much, and feel like I should be worth something. I do what I can to make people happy. If I have the power to help someone I will. But why am I not worth helping? All those times I helped I hoped to make one kind of friend. Someone to see my tears and hug me, someone to call me to talk, not only talk to me when I call. My own family hang out with each other more then they do me. I ask if people want to join in stuff with me, but I am not worth a invite. I have always been a background friend just there for when everyone else is busy. Just sucks everyone is to busy for me. All my life I needed a hug and some understanding. I just want to feel worth something more than a throw away.",0.9835,positive,ashamed 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,listener_1,2,"Why do you loath yourself? Do you know? Why don't you feel you are ""worth something""? Why don't you help yourself to feel happy the way you help others? What would it take for you to feel as if you are worth something? If you don't know, you need to find out. It is something worth looking into in a very serious way and in depth. Whatever has a cause has a solution. You need to start by identifying causes and then you can start finding workable solutions. Everything has a cause.",0.9044,positive,sad 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,speaker,3,"Spent some years in therapy couldn't shake it. I enjoy things but feel guilty for it. I know there is resentment for my mom for forcing me to grow up to young. I spent my life being judged by my cover before anyone really knew, lost many friends because of others. Spent high school by myself. Many friends have left for boys I don't know why I would become a issue there. I enjoy drawing but often don't like my work. I judge my work to hard and hardly any work is seen from it. I like to write but I am not good with my grammar. I have tried jobs like nursing assistant to help others, but couldn't handle the staff. I would feel worth more if I was worth more time than a convince to people. I feel like I am called when wanted for help. I understand being busy, but don't make the plans or promises if you keep breaking them, it gets old. Just waiting for them to call to make the plans never happens. I am the type to buy you a cupcake just ""hey I thought of you"". I am a Open minded person I have no right to judge others I am just stuck in the most dangerous place ""my mind"". I offer friendship but it turns into a one-way street and ends up with me feel alone. I want to love myself but I have a hard time when I look so much like my mother. ",0.9796,positive,ashamed 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,listener_1,4,">I enjoy things but feel guilty for it. What is the cause of the guilt? >I judge my work to hard Why do you judge your work so harshly? >I like to write but I am not good with my grammar. I was like this too when I was young and just starting out but I got a job as a proofreader and then went on to be an editor by learning on the job. Grammar is easiest to learn while doing I found. I too was a nurse's aide working in nursing homes for 5 years. I took the job to learn about humans since I feared them. It was never boring. What was it about the staff that you found impossible to handle? Some staff were very rough and jaded and bullied the residents. I hated that. This happened most when I worked in a place with very low staff to resident ratios. Mostly we couldn't help but be rough since we just weren't given enough time to do the job right. That sucked. > I would feel worth more if I was worth more time than a convince to people. Help me understand this sentence. What is it that determines the worth of a human being? What is the difference between a human being who is worth a lot and one who is worth very little? To me, all human beings are worth exactly the same. Not one of us is more worthy than another from my perspective. >I am just stuck in the most dangerous place ""my mind"". Please explain what you mean by this. What is the dangerous place and why is it dangerous? >I want to love myself but I have a hard time when I look so much like my mother. You shouldn't base love of self on looks. That is a very dangerous thing to do because looks are fleeting. I know this because I am old and if my love of self was based on my looks I'd be in deep shit! If you constantly and sincerely question every one of your conclusions, you will grow in wisdom. If you do not question your assumptions, you won't. Don't believe anything or anyone without 1st questioning vigorously. Beliefs are not always our friends. We need to know where our beliefs come from. We need to know their source. ",-0.9144,negative,ashamed 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,speaker,5,"I would feel worth more if I wasn't just called for a ride or a for a hand in something I feel like I am a support in physical form but not worth much more than anything deeper. I have suggested group nights, movie nights. I want to connect with people on a deeper level. I give advice but can't receive any back when I need it. I would like to post my writings but sometimes grammar Nazis blow up your home space. I can take criticism but I cannot take belittling and stuff. Lets face it the internet is big kid panties for a lot and gives to many a cruel sense of power. If someone would just highlight, rephrase and give notes would be good. Not just telling me I suck and need to go back to school and a fifth grader could write better. My mind is dangerous for me because its my own hell. I can't help how it never stops, goes on and on. One subject to the next, rushing and rushing like a swollen river. I want to be worth a friendship I want to feel like "" hey that person I stick around because I enjoy the company and benefits they bring to me"". I don't want to be a ride, a babysitter, a dog walker, or a go picker upper I want to be a friend also. When I draw to me its off. A line will not be perfect there for it is not good. It is a ruined piece. I have sketch books filled with stuff just don't show. I am a portrait drawer, I like drawing faces but I don't draw myself. When I look in a mirror I don't know, no amount of make up can help me. I don't want to base anything on looks. That's not what I was worried about until you grow up with everyone saying it because you didn't look like them. I feel ugly because when I do put on make up people see me, why only with something that covers the imperfections. I want to be accepted for me and my chemical free face. I wish to find someone to randomly bullshit with. Someone to talk to about anything and everything. Someone worth the conversations. I would rather talk deeply in a conversation than stare at my phone. I would enjoy camping trips with people instead of a walk by myself. I am just tired of making plans with people and have them cancel to make plans with someone else, or doing the plans we made without me those hurt my feelings. I do question everyone. I just find myself wishing I was wrong. Wishing motives were something different. Hoping it is something different. I see a world where physical and now are only things wanted and needed. People forget emotional and forever. Like once I wise up and say ""No"" I am no longer worth it. That coming over to my house to eat dinner, watch a movie or play games and just bullshit. I value the deep connections the world has lost touch with. Just sit down and tell me about your day, tell me about a good movie, anything.",0.9606,positive,annoyed 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,listener_1,6,"> My mind is dangerous for me because its my own hell. This is an important insight. Our minds are the source of all of our psychological pain without exception. It is not what people do that makes us suffer. It is the way we interpret their actions that cause us pain. This is always the case. Always. that is why our minds are dangerous. Worth is not something other people can confer or deprive you of. Your worth is equal to that of all other people, not greater nor lesser. We are all equally worthy and unworthy. We change all the time so we are never one way or another for very long. Perfection is impossible. Knowing this, why do you still seek it? I was a miserable desperately lonely person for most of my life. I had horrible social phobias and could not look another human in the eye by age 20. I tortured myself for years, trying to force myself to conform to whatever people liked and I was clueless. When I turned 50 though, I decided I would terminate all efforts at self-improvement. I decided to accept myself as I was, spots and all. I wasn't going to keep fiddling with it trying to make it better. I was done. Strangely, this is when my life started getting better for the first time. >I value the deep connections the world has lost touch with. Through meditation, one connects with all of existence. There is no peace, no joy, no wonder greater than finding out what your relationship with everything in existence is. I recommend it. It is something amazing, beyond words. I believe you need to become your own best friend and support. We all do. We should enjoy other people, not need them. If we become dependent on other people, we live in constant fear that they will not be there someday to give us what we need and fear breeds hatred. Fear and love cannot co-exist in the same mind. Once you work out your relationship to yourself (and to all the rest of existence if you're interested in that sort of thing), relationship with others will be possible. As long as you do not value yourself appropriately, others will fail to provide the value you lack. It *has to* come from within. Nothing external to us will ever be enough. This is what it took me 50 years to learn. ",-0.9786,negative,terrified 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,speaker,7,"I think I seek perfection, because when I was younger when I did things the way I wanted it wasn't good enough and I would have to redo it. I grew up thinking whatever I did wasn't good. But you are right I need to seek me and stop trying to give myself to everyone. My sense of loneliness is me needing me. Meditation is something I am trying. I am now able to visualize a cool surrounding and have my own place in my mind. One thing I know makes this hard is I have extreme empathy, my emotions run wild. My therapist said my empathy can stand in my way. I think it is time I forced a self portrait because maybe if I can draw me I can finally see me. I guess I am a door trapping myself in. Thank you for your response you have gave me a good sense of mind, helped me realize that my extreme need for others is for me. Thank you and have a nice week.",0.6902,positive,lonely 256,depressed,Why am I not worth it?,listener_1,8,> My sense of loneliness is me needing me. This is a huge insight. I have lived almost all of my life alone and there are good and bad aspects of this situation. When I'm alone I can't blame others for my moods so I have had to face myself. Nothing is more rewarding than hacking yourself. You are smart. You'll be OK as long as you remain your own best friend and support. It is like this for all of us. If we do not value ourselves there is nothing anyone can say that will do it for us. ,0.879,positive,lonely 257,depressed,Dream Girl.,speaker,1,"It's kind of funny to me I guess. But I fell in love with a girl that I dreamed up. It's really odd but sense the dream ended I have fell into this, weird depression. Eh, guess I'll wait until I get over it, but i'll never forget her.",0.0901,positive,sad 257,depressed,Dream Girl.,listener_1,2,What was she like? What were you dreaming? ,0.4329,positive,questioning 257,depressed,Dream Girl.,speaker,3,"It's kind of hard to explain. She was like, idk, 1 with earth??? Like she could go underground and stuff, kinda strange. She was dressed in like, plants...? Leafy dress and flowers on her wrist. But what she was like? Uh that's kind of tough, in dreams there's a weird understanding of personalities, I guess you could say they're apart of your personality cause you thought it up. I can't really remember what she was like but when I woke up I didn't need to to know I loved her.",0.9483,positive,neutral 258,depressed,What can I do?,speaker,1,"Throwaway because friends know my regular reddit account, I don't want to worry them. I've been feeling ""down"" or ""blue"" for a while now, and since I started high-school (this year) it's only gotten worse. Thankfully, I have a great class with awesome people and teachers, and I do have a large number of friends. During the day everything is fine, I put on a show and manage to distract myself. But when the evening comes, I feel empty. I no longer enjoy things I used to, I've lost mental capabilities (I feel like there's something in my head, blocking my line of thought and limiting it) and I'm starting to fall back in class because of it. I'm always tired- even after sleeping 10 hours a night for a few days, and resting throughout the afternoon. I have trouble falling asleep, and just lie in bed for an hour at times- which is strange; I'm so tired, yet can't fall asleep. I have this feeling of impending doom and the utter meaninglessness of life, I'm not motivated to do anything at all. My friends have noticed that I'm usually tired, sarcastic and they make jokes about it; not mean ones, they're laughing with me- not at me. Can anyone tell me what I should do? A bit of advice, maybe? Thanks for even taking the time to read this post, it means a lot to me- especially because it's written so haphazardly. ",-0.9278,negative,lonely 258,depressed,What can I do?,listener_1,2,"Hello friend. I can certainly relate to you in many, if not all, ways. I came to this subreddit because I am feeling unbelievably down and then I saw your post so maybe I can help and that will help! My BIGGEST advice for what you're experiencing is so unbelievably simple but I PROMISE you it will be effective. I believe exercise is the best possible thing for you. That will help a ton with being lethargic and generally unhappy. This is really a simple trick of mental chemistry but it will be noticeably effective. I would suggest picking out some sort of 5k training program or something that is structured and that is doable. Also you can use this time to listen to podcasts and audio books. Second bit of advice would be to start reading. Even if it were depressing stuff. It's really comforting to read Dostoevsky for example and realize that these thoughts about life are deeply connecting, and not isolating at all. They're a great exercise for your mind to rationalize its existence and no matter what answer you're left with you will feel better I guarantee it. I want to give you this quote that has helped me so much in understanding life. “Many years have passed since that night. The wall of the staircase up which I had watched the light of his candle gradually climb was long ago demolished. And in myself, too, many things have perished which I imagined would last for ever, and new ones have arisen, giving birth to new sorrows and new joys which in those days I could not have foreseen, just as now the old are hard to understand.” ― Marcel Proust, Swann's Way Hope any of this helped man and feel free to message me. ",0.9936,positive,suggesting 258,depressed,What can I do?,speaker,3,"Thanks so much! I actually already read as much as I can in my spare time, I've always liked reading. Exercise isn't something I do regularly, so I'll look into that. ",0.7177,positive,acknowledging 258,depressed,What can I do?,listener_1,4,"Nice, hope it helps. What kind of stuff do you enjoy reading?",0.8885,positive,encouraging 258,depressed,What can I do?,speaker,5,"I've recently started reading Frankl's ""Man's Search for Meaning."" It's very good, I highly recommend it. ",0.7172,positive,impressed 259,depressed,Cus,speaker,1,"So last night I cut 87 times all up and down my arms. I'm only 15 years old and I cut because I feel like I'm worthless and I feel like I deserve the pain, though idk why. How do I help combat this without getting professionals involve?",-0.6705,negative,ashamed 259,depressed,Cus,listener_1,2,"You must find out why you feel a person needs to be ""worth something"" and why you feel you are not. You must observe the thoughts in your own mind like a scientist to find out what drives you to hurt yourself. No one knows you better than you. Can you observe yourself without getting emotional about what you observe? This is important. Can you observe yourself without judging? Neither approving of what you see nor condemning it? This too is an essential skill every human must master. Find out why human beings do the things they do, focusing first on yourself. Find out where thoughts come from and why certain thoughts arise in your mind. Find out the connection between words and feelings, thoughts and memories. Learn about the process known as ""conditioning"" and how this has made you who you are. The better you understand what makes you tick, the more worthwhile and enjoyable your life will be. Nothing is more worthwhile. ",0.8807,positive,impressed 259,depressed,Cus,speaker,3,I feel as though they are fake friends and I can't exactly do the while mental hospital thing... ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 259,depressed,Cus,listener_2,4,"I can understand where that feeling would be coming from and also understand how it could be hard to open up to a stranger. However maybe consider that even if their friendship is fake, the advise they give can still be very much true and helpful. ",0.6983,positive,suggesting 259,depressed,Cus,speaker,5,"That may be true, but I'm still not persuaded enough to go see one. Sorry. ",0.1154,positive,neutral 259,depressed,Cus,listener_2,6,"No need to need to say sorry to me. Maybe that isn't the right road for you, there is no way for me to know that. If I may leave you with this, ""Time changes perspectives, and perspectives can change your outlook."" Try and keep positive my friend and know you can send a msg to me any time ya like.",0.6597,positive,consoling 259,depressed,Cus,speaker,7,I'll try... ,0.0,neutral,hopeful 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,speaker,1,"Because they move on and don't have time for me. I've never been worth it, nor will I ever be worth it.",0.0603,positive,angry 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,listener_1,2,"One's worth is only determined by oneself. If you feel like you are worthless, then prove yourself wrong.",-0.0516,negative,angry 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,speaker,3,"I always have time for them, I used to talk to them daily, and I was part of their life and thought they were ok with it. So far everyone in my life has left starting with my father and now my friend. It's ok though if I have to live feeling this shitty for 5 more years I doubt I'm going to continue on. Tired of letting people in only to get hurt. I should have kept my walls up and never have let someone else in. I'm stupid for thinking this time would be different. ",-0.8629,negative,sad 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,listener_2,4,"If you don't let the walls down, you live a very lonely life. Just because you talk to people, doesn't make you part of their life. The clerk at the grocery store knows you but they are not part of your life, at least not in a meaningful way. When someone walks through after buying diapers, there is a bit of conversation. The clerk may remember you have a child & ask about them. Its not that they care or are part of their life. They just remember stuff. And not everyone in your life has left. As far as I can tell, you still have some people in your life who care about you. Build on that. And get out in the real world to make friends. People on line are acquaintances. Make some real friends but don't dump all your stuff on them or they will run. Let them in slowly & then they will get to know you. I still am finding stuff out about my SO after 4 years (Who knew he liked Cretons? Its a French Canadian dish found mostly in Quebec) Only you have the power to change you. If you off your self within the next 5 years, there will probably be people that will miss you, if you make an impression on their life. If you don't make that impression, no one will care. Make yourself memorable ",0.9354,positive,lonely 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,speaker,5,Because no one has ever really cared about me or they have forgotten about me. It would be nice if I was worth someones time.,0.5709,positive,lonely 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,listener_3,6,"The more intimate a relationship, the closer we are to someone, the more important that relationship is to us. My relationship with my aunt I only see once a year is not as important to me as my relationship with my SO, Joey (who is a sweet old German Shepherd/malamute mix). But even when Jo is nice to me and gives me unconditional love, if I'm not at peace with myself, it doesn't matter. The most intimate relationship you will have while on earth is with yourself. So you must obviously please yourself or you will have a bad time even if all the world cares about you. What really matters is your relationship to yourself. So, you must be the person you would be if yours was the only opinion that matters. Because it matters a lot. No one will suffer if you are not happy with yourself except you. The only thing we as humans can control is ourselves. If we depend on someone else to make us feel good, we condemn ourselves to a life of unending anxiety and sorrow. At every moment the one we depend on may let us down or leave us altogether so we live in fear. Fear turns to resentment and then hate just about every time. I know this from personal experience. I only recently (after age 53) learned how to live happy. I'm a hermit.:) One thing is sure, fear and love never arise simultaneously in the brain. So why not care about yourself the way you deserve? Give yourself gifts and find out all about yourself. Knowing what you are is the most important mission in life you have since you will be the instrument through which you will know everything else. Find out what thought is and why certain thoughts recur over and over. Find out how thought and emotion are linked and how a word, a symbol can trigger emotion and learn to recognize what's going on in your own mind. If you do, you will learn to have a happy life that doesn't depend on things you cannot control going your way. If you can only be happy if things go your way, it's going to be a precarious journey. I sincerely wish you the best. I like your username.",0.935,positive,content 260,depressed,This is why I don't get close to people.,listener_2,7,"I agree. For a relationship to work, you need to invest in it. It needs to be intimate. Intimate means in person. People who are only on line friends are nice but what have you invested in them? When my SO smiles at me, I melt. When he is upset, I can see it & feel it. Right now that helps because he moved 8 hours away from me. We can keep the relationship alive because we have invested 4 years in it. I know what makes him smile, I know what makes him laugh. I know what he feels like when he is down & needs a cuddle. If we were just on-line, I wouldn't know any of this",0.9806,positive,trusting 261,depressed,Well there goes my dream job...,speaker,1,I don't know if I want to punch a hole in the wall or curl up and just cry over this. I'm about to lose my foot in the door to the career I wanted for as long as I can remember. It was the only real job I ever really wanted and now I'm looking at a list of jobs and all I can think about is that it will never be the same. I based my whole life around this... I can't imagine my life without it.,-0.6705,negative,sad 261,depressed,Well there goes my dream job...,listener_1,2,Awwwwwww :(,-0.4404,negative,sympathizing 261,depressed,Well there goes my dream job...,speaker,3,Due too a mistake I made about 2 years ago they don't think I'm capable of being a member of their team since the file basically said I have psychosis. I'm trying to rectify it and say that it is wrong but due too not being able to come into the doctor who said that it's not looking good.,-0.7544,negative,ashamed 262,depressed,"Its not life, its me",speaker,1,"when i was a kid i was overweight and of course kids didnt know different back then and i was builled for a good 4 years even by my twin borther (very close now) but as the years went on i become very inscure about my weight and i have a girlfriend ive been with for 5 months now shes almost 18 im 20. i have put on a lot of weight and its getting medown which isnt helping the way i treat her like i will get angry very quickly and i dont know what to do, ive started jogging two days ago and i feel like it helps. but today she told me that she cant deal with my depression no more. Any adivce would be great, thank you ",0.8367,positive,ashamed 262,depressed,"Its not life, its me",listener_1,2,"Keep jogging. Eat healthy food. You're still really young and have a long ways to go but if you keep at it, nothing/Noone can stop you. Don't give up on yourself. ",-0.2382,negative,faithful 262,depressed,"Its not life, its me",speaker,3,"Cheese appreciate that someone reached out to me I'll keep at it, and I shall eat heathy my bmi says I'm healthy but I've been fitter than this ",0.4404,positive,grateful 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,speaker,1,"http://negasenpai.tumblr.com/post/130540420342/journey-to-existence Warning its a highly graphic account of the things I blame for my depression and possible other disorders. They aren't the worst things that someone could go through, but they still fucked me up all the same. If you have any questions ask here. I don't use my tumblr anymore and sorry for the grammar mistakes.",-0.9246,negative,ashamed 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,speaker,2,It doesn't have a happy ending. I still haven't conquered my depression fyi,0.2023,positive,sad 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,listener_1,3,YET! you will. ,0.0,neutral,neutral 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,speaker,4,I'm actually going to be admitting myself to a psych ward after Halloween. I'm terribly afraid.,-0.5574,negative,terrified 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,listener_2,5,"nothing to be afraid of. It's like letting life go on autopilot. You eat when meals are served, go to group and individual therapy at scheduled times, and do lots and lots of mandala coloring pages to take up time. And you'll probably meet some interesting people with more stories to share. But just by being removed from your every day environment and not requiring yourself to be in charge of managing your days lifts a lot of stress. I didn't appreciate it as much while I was there until I got home and wished I were back. Think of it as a way of checking out of your life for a bit, but hopefully receiving guidance and help in the process. ",0.5920000000000001,positive,content 263,depressed,I was encouraged to repost my life story again after having it deleted for reasons. So here I am with a throwaway account this time.,listener_1,6,"well, you dont need to be. they know their things. :)",0.6249,positive,neutral 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,1,"Hei I kinda need help... I live in Norway are 17 years old man and an aprentis for an bricklayer company. That's a little bit of my self. I've have depression, and I need some help to get it easier in the morning's and night's. I feel useless, just a guy who helps other's to get to there goles, worthless, ugly, nobody cares and alone. I feel like I can't say it to anyone. Everyone is kinda busy with there things and I don't wanna be an burden for them. So if anyone knows anything please tell? ;-; Have a wonderful day Mr/miss",0.5302,positive,lonely 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,listener_1,2,"Hey, man. It really sucks to feel useless, but you have to remember that it's your depression making you feel this way. Does anyone know you have depression?",-0.9312,negative,sad 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,3,Hey nobody knows I have learned to hide it away even trough the thoughts times... I've been to the school doctor but I didn't feel like I got anything from him there so it's mostly a secret.,-0.4615,negative,ashamed 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,4,Hey nobody knows I have learned to hide it away even trough the thoughts times... I've been to the school doctor but I didn't feel like I got anything from him there so it's mostly a secret.,-0.4615,negative,ashamed 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,5,Thanks you for you're comment anyway. It made my night easier. And I'll take contact when I need.,0.6908,positive,grateful 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,listener_1,6,"The @s don't work, but if you reply to our comments we get a message :)",0.6124,positive,neutral 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,listener_2,7,"Some days will be harder than others but just remember, I'll be here for you buddy. Stay strong.",0.6652,positive,faithful 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,listener_1,8,"It's not good to hide it, though I understand that it's hard to admit it to people. The school doctor probably won't be able to help you, but he might refer you to a psychologist or psychiatrist, and those guys will help you. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I feel like a burden sometimes, and it's the worst, but your family probably doesn't think of you as a burden. You should consider talking to someone, like a close friend.",0.163,positive,sympathizing 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,9,Found out^^,0.0,neutral,surprised 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,10,Hey do you think I could get one of yours social media acc? Easier to talk then^^.,0.4215,positive,suggesting 264,depressed,Depressed need some support or something :I,speaker,11,"Thank you, i apricieade what you say :)",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 265,depressed,Bye,speaker,1,"Good luck everyone dealing with depression. my only true love told me she didnt love me no more after a rumour was created about saying ive been on tinder. she left me now, everyone leaves so now im leaving goodbye everyone have a good life and stay strong i have faith in all of you **UPDATE** Im feeling a lot better now and thats down to all of you, thank you all so much. keep being wonderful people. Me and my other half are working hard at things now trying to correct the wrong. thank you again for the help you all saved a life today ",0.9831,positive,wishing 265,depressed,Bye,listener_1,2,"Hey man, it doesn't have to be this way. If you see this, please, PLEASE message me. ",0.6866,positive,angry 265,depressed,Bye,speaker,3,yeah sure will be good to chat message me :),0.8555,positive,acknowledging 265,depressed,Bye,listener_2,4,"Hi, yay. sry for my late reply. How are you? I hope your doing better :). ",0.8481,positive,consoling 266,depressed,"A crucial point in breaking stigma made in an article about Robin Williams' suicide entitled, ""Robin Williams Did Not Die From “Suicide”, Wake Up People""",speaker,1,"Here is the text of the article: “Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. When people die from cancer, their cause of death can be various horrible things – seizure, stroke, pneumonia – and when someone dies after battling cancer, and people ask “How did they die?”, you never hear anyone say “pulmonary embolism”, the answer is always “cancer”. A Pulmonary Embolism can be the final cause of death with some cancers, but when a friend of mine died from cancer, he died from cancer. That was it. And when I asked my wife what Robin Williams died from, she, very wisely, replied “Depression”. Robin walliam did not die from suicie The word “suicide” gives many people the impression that “it was his own decision,” or “he chose to die, whereas most people with cancer fight to live.” And, because Depression is still such a misunderstood condition, you can hardly blame people for not really understanding. Just a quick search on Twitter will show how many people have little sympathy for those who commit suicide. But, just as a Pulmonary Embolism is a fatal symptom of cancer, suicide is a fatal symptom of Depression. Depression is an illness, not a choice of lifestyle. You can’t just “cheer up” with depression, just as you can’t choose not to have cancer. When someone commits suicide as a result of Depression, they die from Depression – an illness that kills millions each year. It is hard to know exactly how many people actually die from Depression each year because the figures and statistics only seem to show how many people die from “suicide” each year (and you don’t necessarily have to suffer Depression to commit suicide, it’s usually just implied). But considering that one person commits suicide every 14 minutes in the US alone, we clearly need to do more to battle this illness, and the stigmas that continue to surround it. Perhaps Depression might lose some its “it was his own fault” stigma, if we start focussing on the illness, rather than the symptom. Robin Williams didn’t die from suicide. He died from Depression*. It wasn’t his choice to suffer that.” We need to talk more about depression. Please, share this with your friends. Help the world understand that depression is NOT a choice. http://canceravoidmid.com/robin-williams-did-not-die-from-suicide-wake-up-people/",-0.9997,negative,confident 266,depressed,"A crucial point in breaking stigma made in an article about Robin Williams' suicide entitled, ""Robin Williams Did Not Die From “Suicide”, Wake Up People""",listener_1,2,"Well I think you have kind of a point. Depression causes people to commit suicide. Most people wouldn't do this if they weren't do this if they weren't depressed. But people who commit suicide make this choice themselves. Their perception of the world and their lifes is of course altered by the depression but they still choose to take their life. They are not forced to this by the depression. The depression happens, but then the person has to choose how to deal with this. I think people all do this in their own way, and some are more likely to view suicide as their only outcome. But the choice is still theirs.",-0.9813,negative,agreeing 266,depressed,"A crucial point in breaking stigma made in an article about Robin Williams' suicide entitled, ""Robin Williams Did Not Die From “Suicide”, Wake Up People""",speaker,3,"Do you believe in ""putting people out of their misery"" when they are dying and in incredibly pain? Depression destroys everything that makes life worth living and makes each and every day completely insufferable. A point is reached when you lose your battle because you have nothing left in you to fight. For people who have been fighting for years, it's not about their perception of the world. My perception of the world is incredibly accurate. Depression controls the brain function. Just as I cannot make the choice to not have depression or the choice to feel like a living human. Depression forces you into a corner where you are out of options. By the way, many people commit suicide who do not have depression. They are overlapping but not indicative conditions. >“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.” ― David Foster Wallace ",-0.9967,negative,angry 267,depressed,just need to get this off my chest,speaker,1,"hello everyone who reads this. I've been struggling with depression for a big part of my life, and i'm working really really hard on it. but it seems like around the month October I always fall into this big hole. In juli I broke off a three year relationship and was very happy about it. All of juli, august and september was awesome and fun but now i'm feeling very very lonely. The relationship I had was not so good for me, I used to be this crazy fun person with lots of friends but now I'm quiet and introvert. I only have a handful of good friends, which is nice, I really love these girls but they always want to 'chill' and I want/need some more excitement in my life (if that makes any sense??). during that 3 year relationship we didn't do anything, just smoke pot and watch movies, it was extremely boring. I really try to find new people to hang out with - do some crazy things with but it seems like i can't connect with a lot of people. Or I'm just so damn insecure which makes me worry about everything I do... I always overthink everything. anyway, I have exams now, so I don't see a lot people and I feel so lonely (and again insecure). I met up with a friend today, and i really enjoyed it up until i was home and all those horrible emotions/thoughts come back. I really don't want to fall back into my depression, but I feel like it's going to come anyway, how hard I try to make it better..... ",0.9485,positive,lonely 267,depressed,just need to get this off my chest,listener_1,2,"Hey not sure if this will help but figured I can share my two cents. I think somethings thats important to remember is that in certain points during your life not everything is going to be fantastic and new,but this is ok. Seems like ending that relationship was a good thing you needed in your life and now its time to get out there and make new connections when possible, even though your really busy with school. Its great that you had a fun time hanging out with your friend today so try to keep those things up and when negative thoughts come in try to organize them into either concrete things you can control or abstract things you are orchestrating in your head. Sometimes being able to see that problems are amplified by your own mind is a great way of putting perspective on them. Please respond if you want to talk more or anything but I hope your having a fantastic day. ",0.993,positive,neutral 267,depressed,just need to get this off my chest,speaker,3,"I know that it's ok to have 'boring' times in life, but it's been like this for way too long now. I've been dreaming to go on adventures for he last 4 years ... But it's not really possible with my studying and money wise too. anyway, you are so right when it comes to my 'negative thoughts'. I wrote down what I want to do and be and what i don't wat to and be. and it's working (even though it's only been one day) but I'm feeling so much better today. when ever i feel insecure I just say 'fuck it, be who you want to be, and work on it. don't think about what others might think about you, think about how you want to think about you and try to realize that'. Thank you for replying! It really helped me to start this day with a smile. ",0.8782,positive,sad 267,depressed,just need to get this off my chest,listener_1,4,"I'm glad this made you feel better honestly the ""fuck it"" life style is not a bad choice as long as it doesn't do any harm to your or others. you only get one life to live so you should enjoy it exactly as you want! writing out a list is a fantastic idea and remember the studying is an investment towards your future and that a boring time right now will hopefully lead to a life of opportunity in the future. ",0.9681,positive,consoling 267,depressed,just need to get this off my chest,speaker,5,"Thank you so much for listening, you seem like an amazing person. ",0.8316,positive,acknowledging 268,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,speaker,1,"I'm at the point in my life where my peers are figuring out what they want to do, who they want to be, and how they want to do it. But, as all of them get their plans laid for the future, I'm just stuck in the same rut have been for a long time. I've sort of fucked myself over and eliminated some options for a future, but even with things that are possible I just don't feel motivated. I just don't see the point in doing almost anything. Most days I just stay in my room and wait till I am able to sleep again. Even if I just lay there in silence for hours, it's worth it just not to be awake anymore. The little things that are supposed to be ""pleasurable"" don't even seem worth putting effort into. I've pretty much stopped taking time to be social in free time, just so I can get away from all the noise and movement so I can just go to bed. I used to at least enjoy reading alone, but now I can't get through anything without getting a headache. And all of this ""not wanting"" is clashing with the whole preparing for my future whatever. It's especially irritating (may not be the right word, but I can't think of anything else) some days because my two cousins, who I've always been raised with like brothers, are excelling leaving the rest of the family saying ""well what about you"". At this point I've just stopped answering, because nothing I can say, without lying, will be what they want to hear. I just wish the world would be silent or move on without me. I understand people care, but I don't want them to waste their time. I sort of wish there was a way to just ""turn off"". If I had the option to leave and have everyone forget about me, I would definitely do it. I feel like an inconvenience to those trying to get me to do things and give effort. A few weeks ago, I had sort of an angry outburst, which my mom blamed herself for. Seeing this made me just want to walk away so I'd never make her feel that again. I hate disappointing everyone, but it's all I do. Everyday possible I just use the ""stomach ache"" shit to stay home and stay in bed and away from people, so I can't have a chance at letting them down. Nothing seems worth doing and I just want to sleep all day, everyday. ",-0.8946,negative,jealous 268,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_1,2,"The only thing anyone of us can do in such times, feeling so low, so alone. feeling like we are a total disappointment, that all we cause is pain and doubt. All we can do is try our best to shuv all negative thoughts aside. They are impossible to ignore but if we try our best to jut live, to give all we've got each and every day. To say 'who gives a damn' if we fail, make mistakes, or say / do the wrong thing . No one is perfect, we all have our issues, our doubt. But the only way we can fail is if we give up. If we don't give up we can not fail. You are special, there is no other person in the world like you. Just you. And if you were to just sleep all day, to give in to this doubt then surely the world would be worse off, because without you, in your mind and the minds of those who love you the world would cease to exist. All you can to is give your all and know that in the long run it will all be for the best. Al though i do not know you i am certain that the last thing your mother sees in you is disappointment, if anything I bet she is proud of you, if not only for the fact you have pushed past these inner feelings of negativity for so long. A lot of people would break and snap under the pressure they feel but you are still here, fighting and living. That is something you need to hold on to, without that then who would any of us be? If you aren't sure what it is you want to do with your life then just say so, it's nothing to be ashamed of, no good comes of rushing into such a serious decision. Just enjoy your life and you should figure it out on the way. No one can tell you what to do, it has to be from you. I'm here to talk if you ever need someone to rant or bitch too :) ",-0.9483,negative,devastated 268,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,speaker,3,"I just fell sometimes that there's more things in life that hurt, then there are happy things. There's always negative, no matter what. I know it's a part of life, but for some reason I can't handle it. When anything remotely tough shows it's face I'd rather just not try and not risk the hurt failing will bring. It seems almost impossible, but the amount of just soul crushing events that have occurred in the past few months just feel like something pressing down on me and it won't stop for even for a second. I can't even keep my emotions in anymore. I just can't help but cry, whenever I'm alone, way more than I'd like to admit. I feel as though it's like I should just stop, before it becomes so much that I do something. Like I mentioned before, I have problems expressing my anger and it can get get to the point where I don't care what happens, so I do what I feel like needs to be done. A few weeks ago, my school like every other, had it's Homecoming Dance. I never care to go to anything like this, but this year was different because I'd met someone. When it comes to my presence with girls, it's pretty much nonexistent. But, by some fluke a girl liked me and I liked her. At first we talked a lot. About anything, and she actually listened. Being with her was something new to me and it felt amazing. She actually made me want to go out and do things. She was happy and always smiling and funny and made me feel good too. She'd gotten me to act ways I haven't in a long time. I'd fallen in love with this girl. Then came the night that I would choose to lose 100% memory of, in a heartbeat. Like I said, I would never go dances, parties, or whatever. But for her, I would go anywhere. At the dance I was very nervous, being around all those people, the loud music and everything. I felt fake being there. It was around the last hour that she asked why it felt like I wasn't having fun. I wasn't about to shit all over the fun night she was having, so I didn't know what exactly to say. After a few minutes of sort of fighting sort of apologizing she finally walked away and so did I. Then, a while later one of her friends asked if we had broken up. I said we hadn't and asked why she thought so. It turned out the girl who I'd opened myself to, who I told things about myself I'd never had the confidence to tell anyone else, had left with another guy without so much as saying it to my face. It was at this point things sort of just went cold and I went home and slept till the following Monday. On Monday, going to school, I was filled with so much self-hatred, anger and heavy sadness that I decided I'd probably just leave in first period. But, as a walked through the doors some guy who was friends with the girl came and asked about the dance. When I told him I didn't want to talk about it, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. the words he chose to rebuttal with were ""why, because she ended up going home with someone better?"". Inside me, one switched flipped off and another on. It felt like I was both dreaming and wide awake at the same time. I was holding a lot in, but the only thing that came out was pure anger. I hit him. I hit him so goddamn hard he basically flew into the all behind him. I'm just glad one of my own friends was there to tackle me to the ground right then, because if I'm being honest I wouldn't have stopped at one hit. The whole event concluded with me being sent home and the other person had a few days absent as well. The entire experience has pretty much confirmed that no matter how happy you can build yourself up to, there's going to be the unavoidable point of it's destruction. How can anyone tell themselves after something like that to just ""keep going"" and ""it'll be ok"". Because it never will be. If life is just a pattern of obtaining something just to have it ripped away, what's the point?",0.9934,positive,sad 268,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_2,4,"I agree with the person above on their post of keeping moving forward. While it really sucks that your first relationship ended so poorly, it truly is not the end. My first girlfriend cheated on me for a month and then broke up with me on my birthday (pretty shitty right?). But you can't give up because of that, while relationships are nice they will most likely come and go all throughout your life and your at a point in your life right now where there is so much upside. I try to understand your idea of ""turning off"" but this may be the only life you get, and while right now might be really crappy and stressful understand that you can move on from this but right now you just have to take a first step. Just because you don't know where you want to go right now doesn't mean you won't forever the same way with your cousins knowing where they are going right now. The only thing certain in life is that things will change unexpected and the only thing you can do is try to keep a positive outlook and forgive yourself when you don't. Lastly its ok to cry, its a honestly a good thing, appreciate that your body has a way to physically release your cognitive emotions, its an amazing thing your given right now and maybe just getting up and taking a walk is all you need right now. Please try to get back to school as soon as you feel ready and get your diploma and then the world is simply yours to do what you see fit. If you just want to move somewhere do it, sometimes all you need is a change in your life to spark everything again. Best of luck. (also that first relationship wasn't my last I'm sitting next to a beautiful woman who saw me bouts of depression she will soon be my wife... they're out there you just have to get out and look!)",0.9877,positive,agreeing 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,1,"I've been depressed after my mum left when I was 9, my self confidence and self esteem went to the gutters. I would cry every night to myself every single day (just imagine I could have made an ocean by now! jk) as I just felt overwhelmingly sad and that I was not good enough, or that I didn't dress right because I had no one to dress me. I always felt left out, still do. The weird nerdy kid. I'm a shy, quiet person and now I'm pretty much detached from almost everything. Each day I go through either feeling numb or depressed. I'm always stressed, anxious, jittery, clumsy. I always feel I'm never good enough for anything or anyone or life in general. Every day when I return home from work all I wanna do is put my bag down lock my room doors get in bed and cry until I feel better inside. I'm just so fucking depressed, I don't look forward to anything. I've also been single since I was 17. I'm 25 this year. I've tried various dating apps and sites and nothing ever happens. I go on 1/2 dates/meetups and that's it. I don't hear from those dudes again. Which makes me feel all the more depressed like there's something in me that they don't like at all ? I'm also socially awkward and very introverted and weird and a really quiet person in real life. I try my best to engage my dates but guess I did not try hard enough. I always screw up my dates by being too over eager. I see my life and future as being bleak and lonely and it makes me all the more sad. There's nothing to look forward to. I don't have anyone to talk to or rather I just don't know how to talk about this to my friends and I just wanted to tell to ""someone"" how I am feeling, because I usually display a non-depressed facade with friends. Sorry if everything is just all over the place, that's kinda how my weird brain works. I live in Asia so good night.",-0.4434,negative,sad 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,listener_1,2,"I'm not sure I have any advice for you because I too feel depressed, numb, and not hopeful about the future, but I just wanted to let you know that your words have been read by that ""someone"" you were looking for. ",-0.6348,negative,sentimental 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,3,Thank you. It means a lot to me. I wish you a good day!,0.8122,positive,wishing 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,4,"Thank you. : ) I do want to make new friends but I also I'm not great at making friends. I'm too quiet most times. Actually I don't have friends that would push me to hang out, its more like I ask them to hang out with me and most times they are busy. ",0.462,positive,lonely 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,5,"It is true that whenever something good happens I immediately start questioning myself like ""is this for real"" ""will this stay"" then I always without fail think that ""when is this good feeling gonna end ? I'm sure its not here to stay."" Its just always at the back of my mind. I try hard to push it away but time and again it proves that it was correct. But I also do hope that one day I won't have to question it. Part of me wishes that badly. You're right I am in a constant battle. With myself, my thoughts.. I'm not good with people. I find it hard to talk to them, to carry on a conservation etc.. So Its difficult to actually meet people. I'm not sure what else to do to seem more approachable. ",-0.6605,negative,apprehensive 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,listener_2,6,"Those questions are really self-protective, because expecting the worst makes it less painful when it comes. The truth is that good doesn't last - but neither does bad. It's always up and down, and it always will be, but depression is what makes the bad feel bigger than the good, like it's the permanent thing while good is temporary. They're both temporary. It's our focus on the bad that makes us so weighed down with it. I've struggled with depression for about 15 years and even though it still peeks up sometimes, I've gotten much more of a handle on it. Part of it, for me, was accepting that it's part of my reality and learning to live with it, instead of trying to fight the fact that it's there. i don't mean that I gave up on trying to live a happier and more fulfilling life, but that I stopped trying to be everybody else with their normal minds and normal experiences. I figured out how to be a depressed person who was doing her best. Back then depression was my whole identity, basically, and now it's more of a monster in my closet that I know is there, but doesn't get out much. Dealing with people can be a challenge because (at least for me) I was always worried about what they were thinking of me, if I looked awkward, worrying about saying the wrong thing, and the probably making all of those things happen. When we're focusing on the bad, we tend to not do too well at being ""normal."" One of the tricks I learned is smiling more, not fakely, but more like ""hello I'm nice,"" and asking people about themselves. It took the focus off me, and most people like to talk about themselves, what they did, or what they like. Even just in a class or something, asking ""how was this assignment for you?"" (open-ended questions that can't be answered with yes or no). How was your Christmas? is another good one. No matter what, people can have an answer to that. Just finding more things to ask about can be an easy way to open up conversations. It takes the focus off us thinking so much (if we can help it). If you can find something that person is really interested in, that's also a super easy way to get a conversation to continue. People can talk forever about things they like, especially if we keep asking questions and showing interest. People are turned off when they think we don't care about what they're saying, so when we're worried about the conversation we make it look like we don't care, and then our worries come true when it gets awkward.",0.9563,positive,sad 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,7,"Hey Laura! I am glad I added you up on Facebook . The card was nice, it was really creative, don't sell yourself short! I like it! Its now sitting on my shelf. : ) I'm glad we met and became friends and you're someone I can relate to as well on those issues. Just so you know I am also here if you wanna vent out. Also we could totally do penpals. I hope the fried asparagus was good. :P Have a wonderful Christmas Laura! ",0.985,positive,grateful 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,8,"You're right. Its usually easier to self protect myself but I also hate the questions I ask myself ""when will the good end...and then what"". I try to not think about it but its difficult as I am always over thinking, being anxious, stressing over non important things. I get what you mean. Depression was my whole identity back then too. Now its something I can push away and try my best to think about being positive. Its just that now and then I see something somewhere outside or online and then the depression settles in and I don't feel as hyped or cheerful as I was a few moments ago. I can't do the smiling more part. I hate people. Like I just can't be fake or fake a smile. My whole face tells it all. GAH. But I am ok with people in general most times. It just I always have this numb feeling like I don't care about most things or anything. If I lost $50 / $100 or something else or if I overthink and think oh man what if i'm crossing the road now and a vehicle hits me and I die ? and I immediately think ""yea ok whatever - life's unpredictable."" I don't know if I make any sense. I don't like feeling like this. I yearn to be happy and carefree and be more nicer etc.. Sorry I'm all over the place my mind's a mess now. ",-0.8221,negative,agreeing 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,listener_2,9,"Yeah faking a smile doesn't really work anyway. I think for me it just became a challenge I set for myself to find something to smile about. Sometimes I would think of something funny that happened, or a joke, and let the smile come for real, so I'm not smiling at the people, just at whatever is in my head. That was it can't be ruined by the people I interact with. One of the most amazing revelations in my life was when I figured out that people make sense. I went through most of my life thinking such negative things about people (and of course mostly myself) and just being so negative in how I thought about everyone. Once I started to understand people more (through lots of studying and reading) it opened my eyes to see that people do things for a reason, and if people are rude or bad in whatever way, it probably says a lot about what they've been through - obviously not an excuse, but it let me have more compassion for them. Some people, maybe like rich people, are more rude sometimes because they don't understand anybody's pain or struggle, but I think one major advantage of depression is that, if we want to, we have the capacity to connect to people (through their pain) in ways that other people can never understand. Even if our pain and struggle is different, when we care to understand, we can really ""get it"" so much better than others, and that makes it so we can connect and build relationships through that. I've been working on this for years, and I see how much common pain connects people, and I've learned through hundreds of interactions how everybody is struggling with stuff, and often very alone, because we're ""supposed to"" act like we've got it all together. Realizing that nobody really has it all together was such a relief for me, and made me feel so much more connected to people, even when they weren't kind to me. The best part, though, was that when I treated people better, and actually cared about their experience, almost nobody was negative to me anymore.",0.6459,positive,confident 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,10,"I try to do what you do to: thinking of something happy to smile about. But some days the negative thoughts overpowers the good thoughts. Its difficult and some days I'm like fine lets be miserable. That said, I reckon you're healing well ? I feel I am , then I get a bad day and I try my best to not ruin it further but I always do with my thoughts. I can go for days feeling fine and well, and maybe have 1-3 days feeling overly crappy & cranky. Its like an up-down roller-coaster. *ARGHHHH*",0.8836,positive,hopeful 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,listener_2,11,"I do find myself doing much better, but even when things are much better now, I occasionally slip back into it and have to fight my way back up. I think when those disappointments come, the depression is whispering ""see this is why you should stop hoping, stop trying, so you won't be disappointed anymore."" It's almost like the depression is trying to protect me from 'even more painful things' like outright rejection or hopes crushed by disappointment. When things do happen after a span of good, it's trying to protect our hearts from more pain by building up that wall, keeping us ""safer"" and also separate.",-0.5418,negative,sad 269,depressed,I'm depressed & numb all the time.,speaker,12,"You described it extremely well. That's how I feel exactly. Safe, guarded. Sorry for my late reply. ",0.6115,positive,agreeing 270,depressed,Emptiness and loneliness.,speaker,1,"Hey reddit. I'm 20 years old and a male. Around friends and family i'm one of the most cheerful and happy people you could meet. I love making new friends and am always smiling in public but in reality when i'm alone I tend to break down a lot. Lately I've been feeling down and depressed, mostly when it comes to girls. Anyway I've had a few girlfriends here and there but nothing ever lasts more than a couple of months and never have I had a relationship in the winter time. Recently I've been thinking maybe it's a curse because whenever I do have a girlfriend they usually cheat on me and I still either try to make it work or please them by doing things for them. I'm just feeling empty and depressed because I met a girl recently and had one of those sparks where you kind of feel like she's the one. Also I thought maybe she was the one to break the curse, since she made me feel great about myself. Talking to her made me want to change myself for the better. An example would be to quit smoking for her and etc. So when I finally asked her out she told me she just wasn't ready to be in a relationship which made things awkward and she stopped talking to me. Now I'm just thinking about the lonely winter ahead. Nice guys finish last? Probably. Like the quote goes, ""The loneliest people are the kindest, The saddest people smile the brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do."" - Unknown",-0.8809999999999999,negative,lonely 271,depressed,Let's gather up on skype!,speaker,1,"Hey everyone! This is not the usual type of post in here but hear me out, please. I wanted to ask you guys if you want to join me on skype where we basically talk, play games, share stories, watch videos, talk shit, laugh, cry or whatever, just enjoying the presence of each other! :D As you and I know it depression is sometimes best dealt with by spending time with others. Since most of us probably don't have the luxury of close and loving friends, why not make new ones? I could use some friends, too! Sure some of us will think it's awkward and it probably will be! Just like making new friends in high school. Just say fuck it and join me! What's the worst that could happen? If you don't enjoy it then it's all good. One thing that I hate is forcing people to do stuff. Now, a little about me. I'm a 21yo guy living in Sweden, Studying at uni (it's a fucking struggle), my English is not the best but it works, I hope. very open minded and calm according to my parents. It's probably better if you get your own idea of how I am through skype though. :P So yeah if this sounds like something you'd like to try then go for it! Can't wait to make new friends overseas! PM me your name and I'll send you my Skype info. I'll be online for the most part and if im offline that means school/study. Also if this turns out to be popular I'll just add my Skype here! Let's goooooooo :D",0.9961,positive,joyful 271,depressed,Let's gather up on skype!,listener_1,2,Hey! I'm 15/M from America and I love this idea. I've been fighting depression for quite some time now and I'd love to try this. PM me!!!!,0.6562,positive,hopeful 271,depressed,Let's gather up on skype!,speaker,3,Awesome! Pm incoming!,0.6892,positive,acknowledging 272,depressed,Feeling Empty,speaker,1,"I don't really know what to type as an opener. I feel like writing is a struggle when you start a new piece, but as you go on the whole thing just kind of ends up flowing and moving smoothly. If only my life were that way. Just to clear things up before I get too into this, I am a 14 year old white male and I am skinny. I am somewhere around 5 foot 11 inches. Okay, now that half of the initial readers have left simply because I'm not a girl, we can move forward. As you probably have noticed, I'm fairly young, but do understand that I'm just as much capable of feeling despair, happiness, sadness, joy, etc. as each and every one of you. At least, I used to. In my childhood a lot of bad stuff happened. Most of it was out of my control, but some of it was in fact my fault, so now here I am and I hated every ounce of myself for doing this to myself. My life has been, and still is, hell. It's just one series of unfortunate events after another. Of course, there have been some sprinkles of happiness here and there, but that only makes it WORSE. When I finally found the person I could be myself with... that I could be happy with... she essentially abandoned me. Being depressed to began with sucks, but knowing that happiness; that joy at last that the suffering is finally over, just to be slammed father down than you ever thought possible in less than a second is another type of pain all in itself. Although looking at it objectively, it wasn't my fault, I still blame myself. Human beings like to think logically, but make illogical actions. This is occuring for me as I type, so please do understand. I used to feel sad, angry, but now... I just feel empty. I feel like nothing. No anger, no pain, no sadness, no joy, no feeling. I remember when I would always help people with depression. It takes one to know one. Since I can relate so well (and with a bit of manipulation) I made them happier overall. I feel like the manipulation was justified, as it helped them overall so I don't see why it's a bad thing. Who knows, maybe I'm just being illogical again, tbh I don't really give a shit right now. My point is, they all abandoned me. They all now have another group of friends and they are happier. They just tossed me aside like pieces of dirt. Now I just want to feel that joy again... of having someone there for me... I just don't think it will happen. ever. It's kind of weird... how I always helped people and embraced them with open arms, but when I need help nobody cares. Nobody helps. I'm scared. It's cold, and it's dark. I think I may be a little bit scared of myself. I mean, how could I feel like this? to get beaten up regularly, but not care? What's wrong with me? Just more flaws with me. Maybe that's why people hate me. Maybe the cons just outweigh the pros. My best was never good enough. Not for anyone. It certainly wasn't enough for my dad to stay. Well, that's all I have to say. Hopefully someone will respond, even though I know a lot of people are going to just read this and then skip it. Not even taking the time to leave a simple comment after I went through all the effort to type this. I wonder how many hours it will be before somebody responds. How many times I refresh the page and give up. I really do hope you respond, but what else can I say? I don't want to go to school tomorrow and pretend to be happy. I don't want to get bullied. I don't want to live. Please help me",0.868,positive,content 273,depressed,Depressed and on the verge of ending it.,speaker,1,"I'm 37 years old and don't know what to do anymore. I keep getting in my own way, am constantly unhappy. I've tried to stay positive and look on the bright side and take things one day at a time. I've tried to read motivational stories, and blogs to try and get motivated but it's not working. For the first time in my life, I'm starting to feel suicidal. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. Here's a few things that depresses me: -My Job. (I'm in the financial field) I quit today because the pain of being there was too much. I despised going there every morning. -I have over 40k in debt and am falling behind on my minimum payments. The root cause of the problem is horrible budgeting and a gambling problem. The thought of how long it is going to take to pay the money back makes me depressed. -I am getting fat and unable to fit in my clothes. I'm a skinny person,but have a skinny fat look. Being skinny all my life, I'm not used to this extra weight, and I hate looking at myself in the mirror. My diet is a complete mess. Due to being broke, I eat whatever is the cheapest, and fills me the longest. -My house is a complete mess. I can't gather up the strength to clean up. I haven't done laundry for weeks. The dishes are piling up. I can't ,and don't want anybody over. -I'm ignoring my family, and I hate it. The depression is so bad, that I don't want to leave the house after coming home from work. -My mind is constantly thinking of what could have been. I regret doing, and not doing a lot of things. There are so many things that make me happy, but I don't have the resources or funds available to do them. -I don't have a girlfriend. In fact,I've never actually had a girlfriend in my life. Just fwb, or when it gets to a serious point, I usually end it. -Everyone in my family owns a car, a house, has a great job, making lots of money. I'm the complete opposite. I rent a run down apartment, have no car, and now no job. There several other things that I could list, but these are the biggest ones that I could think of. For those of you that have read this far, I appreciate it. I don't know what to do. I feel like ending things, I feel like disappearing. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep, and having this cloud over me. Please help. EDIT: Thank you for the responses. ",-0.9953,negative,sad 273,depressed,Depressed and on the verge of ending it.,listener_1,2,"Here's the breaking point. You need to take some form of action, NOW. I could see this dragging on even longer, and you getting more and more depressed about your situation. I know it's hard to take, and you don't want to do anything, I know it's hard to have the strength, but you HAVE to start something now. Anything. Whether that means, starting on the laundry, starting to open up to your family or exercising, do something, because if not, it'll get worse. Also, stop thinking about what could have been, it's a toxic mindset that isolates you and stints your development as a person even more. You can improve your situation easily, but you do need to take action sooner rather than later, and I say that pretty seriously. I sincerely hope your situation gets better, but it's rarely as unrecoverable as some people make it out to be. It just takes doing something to get the ball rolling.",0.9647,positive,sad 273,depressed,Depressed and on the verge of ending it.,speaker,3,How do you recommend we do that?,0.3612,positive,questioning 274,depressed,He has broken me.,speaker,1,"My biological dad is a horrible excuse for a human being. He almost killed my mother then abandoned us in the night when i was weeks old. It was the kindest thing he could have done leaving us. I turned 16 and he magically appeared and told me everything i wanted to here. Long story short, i made alot of mistakes and blindly followed him. Now 21 he has caused me endless amounts of pain, mentally not physically, and just really fucked me over so bad emotionally.. He faked that he was dying to manipulate me into flying down to see him. So i told him i was done, i couldnt do it anymore. He accepted it happily and told me i was just a mistake from day one. Why does it hurt so bad to let him go? Why does it kill me so much to know i'll never have that bond when i hate him this much? Im a mess, the past 5 years of my life have just been mistakes and tears and im in so much pain i cant do this anymore.",-0.994,negative,trusting 274,depressed,He has broken me.,listener_1,2,"Deep breaths. He is just a toxicity in your life. Like smoking or drinking, you already know it's best if you get rid of him. But it's hard, I'm sure. You probably want to love him and want to have someone there for you to fill that paternal role. But if what you say is true you should not fill it with him. If he really loved you he'd want whats best for you, and would not do any of this to you. It will be tough. If you want to quit, you will need to quit completely. Remove him from your life, just like throwing out your last pack of cigarettes. You will feel better as time moves on, and your body and mind will heal. Will it be easy? Probably not, but if you value yourself and what the future holds for you I'd suggest you give it a go. Make new friends, live your life, and remove the toxic mess from it. Don't worry about the mistakes you made, only learn from them and start fresh. You have your whole life ahead of you, don't let it be ruined by someone else. Good Luck.",0.9947,positive,trusting 274,depressed,He has broken me.,speaker,3,"I dont want his words to affect me as much as they do, hearing someone call you a mistake does things that i didnt know were possible.. He shouldnt have that much control over how much pain i feel -.- im getting really annoyed at myself, he's fully blocked and deleted on every possible platform and im moving in a few months so even then he wont know where i live. He works pretty high up in ADT and has used people to track me down before which terrifies me but next time the police are getting involved.",-0.7007,negative,furious 274,depressed,He has broken me.,listener_1,4,"As for tracking and following you, if this is true then you can get the police involved and be done with it. Emotionally, once you make that change and realize how it feels to get your life back everything will be so much better for you.",0.7165,positive,agreeing 274,depressed,He has broken me.,speaker,5,"Thank you, I'm only working 6 hours tomorrow so I'll pop into the town station on the way home and see what can be done. I genuinely feel broken, I'm so angry that it's affecting me this much",-0.6361,negative,furious 274,depressed,He has broken me.,listener_2,6,"Well you shouldnt be frustrated with yourself, the ones that you care about are the ones that hurt you the most and thats exactly what happened here you should be happy that you were smart enough to remove someone as horrible as that from your life so instead of being sad be happy and proud you accomplished that look at the little things you achieved out of this it gets bad before it gets good just remember that.",0.9114,positive,neutral 275,depressed,I have no idea whats wrong with me,speaker,1,"Well, i'll outline it all here. The past few months ive been depressed. The only person i speak to about this is a dutch girl I met online but theres only so much she can do. Shes the only person i feel i can speak to about things, I feel worthless, i feel like im not of any use to anyone. I goto college (UK) and sit at a PC from 9am - 3/5pm depending on what day and then come home and sit on Teamspeak where i talk to people till about 10pm. Its a rinse and repeat cycle. I have a friend who ive knows for 10 years that comes on teamspeak that i feel is becoming more and more distant. And ontop of this all im a closet pansexual to my parents and people outside of teamspeak and I feel like i cant tell my mum (Shes the only parent that I live with) as I feel im not close with her. I want to tell people who I am and what i like but im too scared and depressed to do anything about it. Im scared of peoples reactions, im in fear of losing friends IRL because of it, Im in fear of feeling more alone than i already am. I feel like i will never be liked for who I am. My brothers and mum always insult me about my interests (Anime and gaming) say i waste too much time online talking to people but in reality without them i probably would have killed myself. I hate my life as it stands right now. I want to goto the doctor but im scared my mum will find out or if the doctor won't believe me Sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent myself,",-0.9899,negative,lonely 275,depressed,I have no idea whats wrong with me,listener_1,2,"I don't know you or your Mum, much less how things are between you, so I can't say 'Oh your Mum will be OK if she finds out'. I can't even say the doctor will definitely believe you and help you because not all doctors are the same. All I'm going to suggest is that you seek help. Take that first step. Go to the family doctor if that's what you would feel most comfortable doing. And then take it from there. They (I don't want to use gendered terms!) may understand and help you. They will then suggest what steps to take. On the other hand they might not. In that case you will have to find an alternative. But in the meantime take that first step. You can always come back here if you feel alone. I know it's a poor substitute to having 'real life' support, but at least I can offer this. ",0.7809999999999999,positive,trusting 275,depressed,I have no idea whats wrong with me,speaker,3,I made an appointment to see my family doctor. Tomorrow at 9am. I don't even know what to say ,0.0,neutral,anxious 275,depressed,I have no idea whats wrong with me,listener_1,4,"What about printing out what you have posted here and starting from there? I can understand how hard it is, so I'm sending you a load of moral support. I really hope it helps. Feel free to send me a private message if you want.",0.8991,positive,caring 276,depressed,Hating One's Job,speaker,1,"I hate my job as a paralegal, and I feel like it exacerbates my depression, but also that my depression makes me hate it. My plan is to stick it out until March for financial reasons (my lease is up in March). It's hard to stay in a job where it feels like it is deteriorating my health and contributing to maladaptive habits. At the same time, I want to be realistic and responsible. How many of you hate your jobs? Do you feel like hating your job is a product of depression? Or do you feel like hating your job is a cause of depression? Or both? Also on a brighter note: who loves their job?? Who's job helps them cope with depression? I want to believe I'll find something that will be better in the future.",-0.9607,negative,faithful 276,depressed,Hating One's Job,listener_1,2,"From the other side. I hate my job, but I don't think it is part of my depression. It isn't a prestigious job it dosn't pay well and I get little to no satisfaction from it (so that dosn't help but I don't think it is a leading factor just not a helper). What was fueling a lot of my depression we the struggle to pay bills (at the time I was head of house with a 40 a week job making 8.50 a hour, (now) wife in school full time and working part time at a groc. store). It was a stressful time and really spread me thin. Now she is out of school has a real people job and we never increased our style of living (until we bought a house and that was the only change we made). This allowed her income to almost compeletly replace what we were both bringing home and I'm starting my own computer repair company with my brother in law. (Getting rejected from computer related jobs when I have the skills need but not on paper didn't help either) All that being said I still work that same job I hated and stressed me out of bad, but honestly I don't do it for the money anymore I work only the sch. I want and I no longer care as much about it but what it does it give me something to do in the morning 4-5 days a week that gets me out of bed and on a reg sch. which I find the most helpful thing to my depression. I think what I'm trying to say is it can be very complex issue and there is not one way to look at it like you would like. ",-0.9943,negative,disappointed 276,depressed,Hating One's Job,speaker,3,"Yeah, money definitely adds distress for me as well. I was trying to get at that complexity you are talking about.",0.3818,positive,agreeing 277,depressed,Need some guidance. Have no idea what to do with my life. Feel like I'm falling into a black hole.,speaker,1,"It ain't gonna be easy. I live a life full of regrets. I've wasted many years in aimless leisure and have been hardly productive throughout my teenage years. Now here I am. I live in southern California. I'm 20 years old now and I still have so much to learn. I finally got my driver's permit several weeks ago. I've been without a job for over a year; the last job I had was at McDonald's and I didn't last 2 months because I couldn't handle the fast-paced environment, the customers, and the low pay. I've done a lot of landscaping over the summers with one of my old high school friends; fortunately, I enjoyed the experience a lot. Altogether, I don't have much work experience. I spend the majority of my days sitting on my ass or laying in bed, looking at random funny shit on YouTube and jerk off to porn. I don't have an orderly routine. I still live with my parents and although they've been very supportive of me in many areas of my life―more supportive than most families I know―my mom for one insists that I go to college for four years and get a degree in English Literature or some shit like that. She knows I'm really good at writing. I mean, I understand the English language better than most of my friends and families. In addition I fucking love to read. I love most of the classics. If you want to see an example of my work, I'm currently working on a science fiction novel (on the second chapter now). That's been fun. It's been an on and off kind of thing but it's looking great so far and I've received great feedback on the first chapter. I don't know who I am or what I want to do with my life anymore. I've just lost my sense of direction this past month. I'm just worried. I'm worried that I'll be wasting the next several years doing something that I'm not meant to do. I love to write as a hobby but I don't want to pursue an English degree. I can't see myself teaching or writing for some company. I want to write what I want to write. I have trouble speaking most of the time. Last thing I want is to stumble over my words in a room full of little incompetent brats (jking ... maybe). I hope to publish my novel within the next 5-10 years and see if it sells well enough to support my future family. I can only hope. I giving this work all my time and soul. This is the only story I want to share with the world before I die. You know, it would be nice to take a long break from college so I can dedicate so much more time to this potential magnum opus of mine. Sadly my mom ain't gonna settle for that BS ... not that ""BS"" at least ... Moving on, this is the overall situation I'm currently in: jobless, car-less, living with parents, going through college part-time and being lost in all the general ed which I feel is a huge waste of time for me personally. My mom gets on my case all the time about going to college and getting a degree. Fuck, I don't even know anymore. I'm jobless and broke and I can't afford anymore classes and books. I'd wish she realize that working a full-time job is way more important for me right now. I just don't give a fuck about college anymore. I miss classes on purpose some days just so I can spend more time in the library reading and doing research on all the different trades out there in which I can get a quick start learning some skills and getting valuable experience as well as a livable salary. I rather start working a trade for the next several years; then later on when my future wife and I are more financially stable, I can consider going back to college and getting some kind of degree (I've thought about botany or environmental science) that―along with the certifications, licenses, and skills I'd have gained over the years―will help provide my future family with newer opportunities and more adventures. The four trades that immediately come to mind are: 1. automotive mechanics 2. welding 3. HVAC mechanics 4. carpentry (carpentry is the most recent one I thought of. It came to mind sometime after I spent a week building my first two garden beds out of makeshift wood from some old crates. Needless to say, I was amazed at how good I did for a beginner) I figure that I may have a chance with at least one or two of the four aforementioned trades. They'd all provide me with great experience and great pay. I've always wanted to learn how make, mold, craft, and fix shit with my own hands. I just hope the hours are forgivable. If I spend the next ten or so years working in some kind of trade, I'd want the weekends off so I can spend them with my future wife and kid(s). That or I could work 3-4 days overtime and have more days off. I would not mind that at all, especially since that's actually how some work schedules are for mechanics and welders from what I've heard. It may make things difficult for me in the future but my two highest priorities are gonna be my girlfriend/future wife and my family. My girlfriend, speaking of which, is probably best highlight of my life at the moment. We've only been together for two months but god dammit we're madly in love with each other and we both feel like we were made for each other. She's short and chubby and she looks like the nerdiest ... geekiest girl I've ever seen, especially with those big glasses of hers haha. But you know what? She is the sexiest woman ever in my eyes. It's not gonna be easy but we're serious about making this last. Our goal is to make every day we spend together like a honeymoon. Not a fucking easy task I know (otherwise we'd be seeing more successful marriages these days) ... but it's worth all the effort, pain, and tears. ^Why am I'm telling you this? Because I just feel like it. I just want to have a conversation. Sheesh. Like me, she is also going through a confusing mess. She dreams of becoming a paleontologist someday. Unfortunately, things did not go in accordance to her initial academic plan at the university. She doesn't meet their ""requirements"" to pursue a geology major so she was left with no other choice but to settle for a fucking English degree. She's losing her sense of purpose in college, doing poorly in her math class, and kinda wants to take a break soon. She's a few months older than me and she lives with overprotective parents. I'm kidding. Emphasis on ""overprotective."" Like the ""we want you back by 8:30 PM and no later!"" kind of overprotective. She feels pretty fucking embarrassed that her parents still treat her like child. She has no idea what she did wrong. I hate seeing her in this kind of mess and I can only hope it will be over soon. She's able to drive and she has her own car thankfully. She just got a job at Kohl's and she has her orientation this Sunday so I'm happy for her. She wants to move out by next year or so. Once she moves out, she might continue to attend uni or take a long break. The only problem is her spending habits which she humorously admits she needs to work on. I agreed to holding her accountable for that. After all, money is really damn important for her right now. My plan, to reiterate clearer this time, is to start off with a decent job that'll pay me at least $9-10 an hour (I'm looking at Rite Aid, Stater Bros, golf courses, maybe warehouses if I get desperate enough), save up as much money as I can till I can afford a good used truck for around maybe $5,000 (because I want a truck; I like trucks; hopefully my friends or family can help me), hopefully I'll my driver's license by then. Then I want to save up every single dollar I can get my hands on till I have a year's worth of rent (>$10,000) for an apartment, and finally save up money for trade school specializing in any one of the four skills I listed above. Dedicate the next decade or so of my life to working hard and learning many new skills in the trade while still having at least the weekends off so I can spend time with my future wife and take her out on countless dates. In the years that follow, I may consider going back to college and majoring in some kind of science with all the money, skills, and life experience I'll need to make it count this time and hopefully that'll make the rest of my life with my future family full of newer and grander opportunities such as traveling the globe. So that is the kind of life I want. I get a little depressed thinking about it because I know it's not gonna be easy. But I want to make it happen somehow. At the very very very least ... I want to have my own place two years from now. I need help guys. I need advice. Job advice, advice for working in trade, advice for buying my first vehicle, advice for saving money, relationship advice for me and my girl so that we can make this work. I'd appreciate any anecdotes too. I want to know if you've actually lived this kind of life or if you want to. My first big goal is to hopefully find a job soon so I can start saving money. Should I save money for a truck first or apartment? Or trade school? I have no fucking idea. Some details can change, I'm aware of that. But I want the overall plan and direction I envision here to remain unchanged ... if possible. Thank you for listening to my long ass rambling. I think this plan is best for me right now. But at the same time, I'm still unsure ...",0.9994,positive,ashamed 277,depressed,Need some guidance. Have no idea what to do with my life. Feel like I'm falling into a black hole.,listener_1,2,"Man I've dropped out of university twice (well kicked out the second time) and just barely graduated cosmetology school (trade school). I'm TERRIFIED to go back, but my mom constantly hounds me. Always asking me ""well what do you wanna do?"" It terrifies me to think that I have to make a choice for the rest of my life, because after school I'll be too in debt to change my mind. I like trade school, but all the trades I am interested in have a 3 year wait list. I too love reading and writing, in fact it's the only class I attended/passed in university. I've thought about journalism, maybe that would interest you too? ",0.8791,positive,terrified 277,depressed,Need some guidance. Have no idea what to do with my life. Feel like I'm falling into a black hole.,speaker,3,I've never really thought of writing as anything more than a hobby on the side. I just want to write what I want to write. I've never been interested in journalism. I may consider it at some point in the future. Depends on the opportunities and benefits it could provide me with. College is just the last thing on my mind right now. I rather go to trade school and work 4 10 hour days a week welding or working with cars and have three days off so I could be with my future wife and family. I don't care about being wealthy. I just want to learn a skill and use that skill to help others. I want some good vacations too so I can travel the world. Maybe my problem is that I think too much about the far future.,0.7854,positive,hopeful 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,speaker,1,"I'm 16 and I have depression. I've had it since my dad died when I was 11, I used to self harm regularly but about half a year ago I stopped. I moved houses in July and around that time my dog died and my depression got even worse. During the move it was manageable but for the past week or two it's gotten worse again. I keep thinking about past mistakes and failed relationships and every time I've fucked up. Nothing seems to help, I'm probably being melodramatic but it genuinely feels like there's no way out of this.",-0.9926,negative,sad 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,listener_1,2,"Sounds like classic depression to me (I'm not doc, just a dude that has felt shitty about himself for a long time). If you are like me when you start beating yourself up and you try and stop it almost hurts more. Its as if I take some kind of satisfaction in my own ability to see looking back on my past with a superiority complex. If I force myself to stop and force my mind to do other things its almost enjoyable to allow myself to start tearing into myself again. Honestly its very odd feeling and once I saw that pattern I've been able to help myself by not allowing myself to give into that almost craving to rip into myself about my own life and life choices. I hope this helps and I'm always happy to exchange reddit post any time you may need to vent. Hope it helps. TL;DR: It really does help to not let in to the self fueling cycle and fake it till you make it really does apply here with happiness. (You will slow break the cycle if you learn now to spot it and what fuels it. I'm not sure if it ever goes away but it happens much less with time.)",0.8509,positive,disappointed 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,speaker,3,That's very kind. Thank you. ,0.7559,positive,wishing 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,listener_1,4,"I hope today is a bit more bearable then yesterday, and that its the start of a pattern of better and better days!",0.8398,positive,consoling 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,listener_2,5,I usually go from very shit days to ok days back to very shit days,-0.764,negative,content 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,listener_1,6,Sounds like you may have a touch of manic thrown in there but again I'm no doc.,-0.2617,negative,acknowledging 278,depressed,Idk I might be too young idk about age limits but,listener_2,7,Who knows,0.0,neutral,questioning 279,depressed,Got fired today,speaker,1,"I live alone. I rarely talk to people who I don't know very well, and I always feel lonely Got fired today from my work for taking a week off to help my parents. Have almost zero money for the coming month, for food, groceries, etc. My microwave also broke a few days ago. I feel horrible, stressed, and I don't know how I'm going to get by this month.",-0.9341,negative,lonely 279,depressed,Got fired today,listener_1,2,"That's really shitty that you got fired for helping your family. You will fins another job though. I can imagine you're feeling so low right now, but maybe try to see it as having some time for yourself? Look for another job, sleep in if you want a bit, learn to cook a few new dishes with some fresh veggies? Treat yourself well, and try to stay positive. One closed door is another one open. I spent 3 years in jail for putting a pedophile in a coma and I was so goddamn depressed the whole time. Every morning I would wake up and thing ""fuck, this again"" so angry and sad. After a while I figured I may as well try to make the most of it and take a vacation. Lol. I didn't have to wor, although I ended up working a lot, but my point is that I utilized that time that I had because I knew when I got out I would be busy busy busy trying to get my shit together. No matter why the down time, or where, it can be an opportunity to give yourself something that you need. I did a lot of reading that I wouldn't have done otherwise... Anyway, I also wrote a lot and one of my own favorite quotes from my own writing that helped me get through each day was ""For even if the whole world as I know it, we're to crumble to dust before mine own eyes, it would still only be the dawn of a new beginning..."" Something like that anyways. Anyways, I hope you feel better soon and that things start to look up for you. You have it in you, so don't give yourself a hard time. Try to be the encouraging, loving, and understanding friend to yourself that you would be for a loved one. :) Sorry for typos, on my phone. ",0.9801,positive,sad 279,depressed,Got fired today,speaker,3,"Hey, I'm from the east coast of USA, but I've been slowly picking myself back up. I recently just got a new job (which I hope I will enjoy better) but I'm running low on cash until my coming pay check in about a week. I appreciate your kind words and support =)",0.9793,positive,grateful 280,depressed,"30 something posting on reddit, still stuck in his 20s...",speaker,1,"I want a divorce, but my life will become much worse. I will lose my child, my income, and be stuck in hell forever. I have this trigger through with life insurance and everyone will be happy and I'll be gone. I just don't know what to do. I just keep eating and eating. The weight hasn't added on yet, but we all know how that works...",-0.9081,negative,devastated 280,depressed,"30 something posting on reddit, still stuck in his 20s...",listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear about your pain, Kermit. It sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I've also been struggling with depression lately (it comes and goes, but this most recent bout has been really nasty). Our circumstances may be different, but if nothing else, know that you're not alone in your depression and that most likely it will eventually pass, even though I know all to well that it very much doesn't feel like it.",-0.9432,negative,sympathizing 281,depressed,My life is spiraling out of control,speaker,1,"I have a narcissistic mother who broke our family and if nothing benefits her (like me) she wants nothing to do with it. I've had a traumatizing childhood, but always wanted a better life. My mother was never supportive of anything and would constantly scream at me until I cried all my life. I longed so much for her to love and accept me to no avail. I gave up my education to help support the divorce she wanted from my angel of a step dad. Everything that made me happy or showed me love was always ripped away from me.. My biological dad found me on Facebook recently after not seeing him for 22 years. I was 4 when I last saw him. His wife at the time hated me and threatened to divorce him if he kept me around.. so I was placed at child care centers (temporary orphanages pretty much).. then he sent me to live with his younger sister who adopted me, changed my name. My mom found me 2 years later and fought in court for 3 years all the while I was being brainwashed to believe my aunt was my biological mother to make things seem ""easier"" for me. I knew the entire time it was a lie but I had to play along with it and act like I was completely oblivious to make everyone else's lives easier. Little did they know I was very much aware just acted very well. I developed a nervous cough. Because I was given a made up identity I made up a disease. I never could put down any food. I threw up everything all the time. After the court decided to have me be with my biological mom it was a polar opposite transition to me which gave me a shock... I was spoiled rotten to compensate for the years I was absent.. private tutors and piano lessons.. but my grades in school were always ds and fs. Freshman in high school I applied myself in English h and was accused of plagiarism. I loved to write.. was the only thing I could control in my life.. my teacher gave me a zero on a paper, so I nervously approached her asking why I deserved a zero.. maybe even a 10% with an explanation would suffice... she accused me and I told her to Google any part of the paper now and you will find this is 100% original. The only help I received was from a thesaurus... she said she didn't expect a freshman in high school to write a paper like that, but a freshman in college. Instead of being proud of myself and working harder to improve my writing or pursuing it...I gave up on myself thinking there's no point or hope... I've lived like that all my life, and now I recently am jobless, car less.. no money and losing friends because it's too depressing to be around me. People rather ridicule me than help me.. I'm scared I'll end up being homeless.. I don't know where to start.. or how..",0.9779,positive,devastated 281,depressed,My life is spiraling out of control,listener_1,2,"Hello Brmh8, What country do you live in? I'm not too familiar with how particular systems work outside of the UK but I would happily help learn and put ourselves on some solid ground.",0.8847,positive,questioning 281,depressed,My life is spiraling out of control,speaker,3,"Hello Yi_Tzu, Thank you for your response. Live in the US, Las Vegas to be exact.. My father in Korea is planning for me to move there to build a better foundation for myself, but I have been adopted twice with first and last names changed both times. In order to get a passport, a birth certificate is needed, but my birth certificate does not link to my current name. Links with the first adoption, but not the second. Requirements state I need my mother to go to Carson City with me to verify of my identity. I am wondering if there's a different way around that. ",0.4019,positive,embarrassed 282,depressed,My chest feels hollow.,speaker,1,I don't think I've ever felt this depressed. Getting out of bed is a chore all by itself. I feel completely hopeless and numb. Laying in bed is all I do anymore. I'm stuck in this awful cycle and it's really bad right now. I don't want to see anyone or do anything. Just awful. ,-0.9676,negative,lonely 282,depressed,My chest feels hollow.,listener_1,2,Hang in there,0.0,neutral,consoling 282,depressed,My chest feels hollow.,speaker,3,Thanks man. Those were great words to read this morning. ,0.7906,positive,acknowledging 283,depressed,Back to a darker place after some honesty from someone close.,speaker,1,"I was speaking to the girl I've been dating for the past few months last night and she said she doesn't feel as close to me as I do to her. I was forced into telling her about my depression and anxiety, and we've both been suffering from mental health issues, she's been in and out of hospital while I've known her and I've struggled with suicidal thoughts, I thought we close as we've helped each other through some rough times. She seems to be worried me seeing this vulnerable side of her will change how I feel about her, however this isn't the case and it hasn't changed how I feel, but I've been worried her seeing that side of me would have the same effect and her saying she doesn't feel that close to me seems as fuel to the fire. I feel like this has put me back into a dark place that I've only recently came back from. Now I'm not sure where this leaves the two of us.",-0.9377,negative,trusting 283,depressed,Back to a darker place after some honesty from someone close.,listener_1,2,Was she supporting you during your rough time or were you relying on her to get you out of it?,0.4404,positive,questioning 283,depressed,Back to a darker place after some honesty from someone close.,speaker,3,"She was in hospital while I was at my lowest, but she's always as supportive as she can be and i try to do the same with her but neither of us like sharing that much so its often vague.",0.2592,positive,neutral 283,depressed,Back to a darker place after some honesty from someone close.,listener_1,4,"If Your both afraid of the same fear or outcome, I feel you should both speak about it and we e where it goes. The hesitation and wait is making it horrible. Either way the outcome is good cause if you connect more then great and if you don't then you got the moment over with and could start over ",-0.1335,negative,agreeing 284,depressed,I don't know. I can't do this anymore,speaker,1,"I'm at a party and my boyfriend and I are drinking, having a great time. Later he gets upset, I ask why. He says he thinks I cheated on him with my ex. I've explain hundreds of times I never did and I never would . He doesn't believe me. He's brought this up 2 years in a row at the same party (the party is an annual thing.) i haven't even lived in the same state as my ex in over a year. I don't know what to believe anymore. I just want to leave and never come back. I hate how he always brings this up, he never believes me. I don't have a friend to talk to. I just want to cry. I can't deal with this anymore. Everything else has been going so well EXCEPT for tonight. I just want to disappear. Is it even worth it?",0.0806,positive,faithful 284,depressed,I don't know. I can't do this anymore,listener_1,2,"I can relate to the sensation of that ONE thing, making things feel like they're crumbling. Especially if it's something that comes up more than once - it feels inescapable. Don't forget that there are those of us who support you in fighting through this, even if they don't have the spoons to comment. We're here.",0.5213,positive,agreeing 284,depressed,I don't know. I can't do this anymore,listener_2,3,Agreed! I'm always in and out online so feel free to drop me a msg any time you need to vent. I wasted many years of my life being depressed and will be glad to help anyone having a rough day to crack a smile or at least feel a bit better. ,0.8162,positive,agreeing 285,depressed,"Very shy guy , not had a girlfriend 21, feeling bad.",speaker,1,"Hi everyone, I'm guy from 21 that is very shy when it comes starting to talk to girls i'm interested in or are beautiul or in general look like a nice person. I don't think i'm really bad looking (but that's what I hope at least), i'm normal looking like every average guy! My parents and aunts say that i'm of course not a bad looking guy, that i'm handsome,... But I honestly don't believe any of that, they're family what else would they say. For me starting to talk to a girl is impossible, I saw a lot of posts here on reddit always giving advice on how to start talking etc. But that doesn't help at all, everytime I see a nice girl i'd love to go talk to something in my head starts spinning, I start overthinking everything. What do I say, what should I say, would she be interested in what I say, what does she think when she looks at me,... on and on. I really don't want this to happen but everytime it's the same story, I start thinking and think about it the whole evening. And as always I end up going home hating myself for not just saying hi or something like that. This happened everytime, so I started avoiding the thought of talking to a girl I don't know and just never do that. My parents are really the worst when it comes to this and mainly my dad, who always says i'm going to end up alone, always says I need a girlfriend and so on. It's driving me crazy. Cause of this I always end up thinking about it when I actually need to study for my university exams ( like right now). Yes I play games of all sorts , am into Star wars and game franchises of all sorts and recently started loving anime and mangas( death note, blue exorcist,...). (some would call me a nerd, I guess) Being alone while not watching some youtube or anime, reading books or mangas or not even listening to music is the worst. I need a distraction to keep myself going. I've been thinking about this for a long time and decided to give up on ever talking to a girl that seems interesting, i just don't have the guts/balls to do it. As you can make up from this I have no self confidence at all. I'm a loser, a guy without the balls to go talk to a girl, who has to do an extra year at uni since he failed to much in his second year. Maybe I spend to much time on youtube, games, books and manga but experiencing stories is something I really like a lot. Of course everybody will say you need to be more confident and just go and talk, but I just CAN'T do it somehow. Everything would be way easier for me if not everything was somehow pushing it that a guy should start talking to a girl. Maybe this doesn't belong here, but I would love to know If anyone has maybe a constructive opinion on this or any good tips that aren't the same stuff you find all over the internet cause i've seen a lot of them. Anyway thanks for reading this and hopefully someone can help me. R",0.9828,positive,trusting 285,depressed,"Very shy guy , not had a girlfriend 21, feeling bad.",listener_1,2,"I can tell you what your problem is right now. You're thinking about and treating *women* as something other than *people*. You're looking at females with a singular goal in mind: girlfriend, lover, object to obtain. Women don't respond well to that, even if you weren't a shy individual with issues talking to other people in general, a woman who realises you're approaching them with one singular goal in mind (make her your girlfriend) is not going to be flattered or interested. Women are people. Treat a woman like you'd treat anyone else that you're interested in being friends with. Introduce yourself, ask what they're into, be genuinely interested when they talk. Don't *girlfriend zone* her. >my dad, who always says i'm going to end up alone, always says I need a girlfriend and so on. Your dad is **wrong**. You don't need a girlfriend or any type of significant other to give your life meaning or be happy and healthy. Your happiness is **yours** alone to create. No one else can do it for you, no not even a girlfriend.",0.9754,positive,trusting 285,depressed,"Very shy guy , not had a girlfriend 21, feeling bad.",listener_2,3,"awesome answer. Man, I could copy and paste this on so many posts between here and /r/depression which are just repetitions of this same ""woe is me, I'll be forever alone because I've never had a boy/girlfriend, and I don't know how to talk to them, so my life is over, I give up, and it's all hopeless."" I just may refer to your answer in the future to save me writing time (though give you the credit of course). ",0.4767,positive,neutral 286,depressed,Worthless,speaker,1,"I don't usually like to reach out to these subreddits or generally express my feelings to many people. But as of lately I feel like I am doing everything for nothing. I was once a great writer and then I experienced an aneurysm (which I came out okay from except for some memory issues) that really screwed up my writing abilities. Now I can't really express the way I feel, I turn to drugs most of the time because ""my druggie love me when I'm ugly"" Writing was the only talent I held. It was the only thing I was good at, now I'm worthless. I have never had anything going for me in the past decade except this, and now that it's gone it's like I'm gone...",0.9502,positive,ashamed 286,depressed,Worthless,listener_1,2,Hey I'm on mobile but...I dunno man I know how you feel a bit. Things do change tho. And maybe you'll find another way to express yourself. Ill folli w up in a bit.,-0.4215,negative,suggesting 286,depressed,Worthless,speaker,3,"thanks, I needed to hear that",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 287,depressed,The most pathetic feeling..,speaker,1,"That feeling of not being able to be good enough for anyone, not be a given a chance to get out of your comfort zone, to have this wall that you yourself put up for some damned reason... this loneliness. I know i'm not the only person who feels this way, but if there is anyone who could give me tips on how to maybe get out of this rut of life adrift alone, it would do me a huge favor..",0.6956,positive,lonely 287,depressed,The most pathetic feeling..,listener_1,2,"Find a therapist who offers cognitive behavioral therapy. Also, possibly a psychiatrist to evaluate whether you need medication, ECT or some other medical assistance. Don't ignore it. It only get worse that way. I speak from personal and painful experience.",-0.598,negative,apprehensive 287,depressed,The most pathetic feeling..,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 287,depressed,The most pathetic feeling..,listener_1,4,"You're welcome. I hope you find your way. It ain't easy, but it's worth it to get help.",0.7991,positive,consoling 287,depressed,The most pathetic feeling..,listener_2,5,Thank you so much! Browsing the subreddit and it is so nice to yet again confirm that there are so many others out there just like me who feel lonely and without purpose. Your reply tho was such good advice and makes me feel hopeful. :) ,0.9394,positive,acknowledging 288,depressed,Feeling/thoughts,speaker,1,"Well, this is going to be long so I apologize ahead of time for its length. My source of anxiety/depression started around December 2014. My girlfriend on/off for about 5 years finally decided that she was done with me and that she was going to break up with me. In the past I was a terrible boyfriend. I'd never take her out on dates and I cheated on her a couple of times which she had known about. So, my junior year which was 2014 she finally just decided she just didn't feel the same, that she couldn't be with me anymore... Until the summer of 2015 we'd still text almost everyday and we'd say we still loved each other.. But, she always was talking about how she was never going to get back with me and how we were done forever... So, I finally decided it was time for me to try to move on, I had so many sleepless night and days wasted crying in bed. I met this girl from my work and we started going out. After my ex figured that out she started talking about how she wanted me back and stuff and saying she never said we couldn't get back together, so while I was dating my new gf I would go over some morning after her mom left for work and would pretty much Netflix and chill with my ex, for lack of better terms. Well two months into my new relationship I finally broke up with the girl and tried to go back to my ex and she wouldn't take me back.. She told me how I had made her feel the worst about herself that she had ever felt when I was with her and how I was so terrible and etc. etc. enter senior year and we've drifted apart. We still text and talk sometimes.. And she will flirt with me a lot still when we talk.. Recently she invited me over and we Netflix and chilled and now she will either a. Barely talk to me or b. Not talk to me at all. While I was at her house I asked her if she still even liked me and she said that it was a complicated question, and, she even started crying at one point about what had happened in the summer... So I guess that long mess right there is pretty much what has started my depression. The feelings I have are.. Terrible.. I go through everyday in a haze.. She is on my mind a lot and that makes it even more tough, I feel absolutely empty and worthless.. Like I have no point, everyone thinks I'm an asshole so I just started to believe I'm an asshole, I've tried to change and I've been so nice to people and showed I care but still they think I'm an asshole and the effort I put in pretty much doesn't matter so that actually gets me down too.. As I write this I'm sure it's all jumbled and crazy but, that's how my life is now, it's broken, and confusing, and my mind is everywhere lately which is extremely unusual.. So for anyone reading I really hope you guys can help.. Thanks so much for reading this and your time.",-0.9333,negative,ashamed 288,depressed,Feeling/thoughts,listener_1,2,"You need to be honest with yourself; you've never really been happy with your relationship with this girl. She turns you into a worse version of yourself. You cheated *on* her with other people, and she convinced you to cheat on another girl *with her*. You've both got unhealthy mentalities and you need to *stay away from each other*. Not only that but she is keeping you on the back burner, using you when she doesn't have anyone else, to fulfill her physical and emotional needs. When she saw you were escaping from her emotional clutches she reeled you back in and ruined something good that was happening to you in order to fulfill her own needs. She's selfish and more than a little bit cruel. You're no peach yourself. You've disregarded the feelings of no less than three women (or more depending on how often you cheated on your original girlfriend and with how many different partners). Shut her out of your life and start working on your self control and communication skills. Make an effort in your next relationship to talk to and respect your partner.",-0.8436,negative,trusting 288,depressed,Feeling/thoughts,speaker,3,"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for your comment. I think it helped a lot.. I've been going through a really hard time since the whole thing went down because I knew that I was an asshole... I feel absolutely terrible about it as well.. I have a really soft heart I do.. I just went through a very tough time and I made a lot of mistakes. Thank you so much though for taking the time to read my post and make a comment. It really means a lot.",0.4938,positive,grateful 288,depressed,Feeling/thoughts,speaker,4,"Thank you for posting man. I'm really sorry that that had happened with your ex girlfriend. I'm sure there is someone out there for you man. Keep your head up and keep pushing on, I'll be right alongside you doing the whole thing as well. If you need advice or help feel free to message me on her anytime! Thanks! ",0.9299,positive,sympathizing 288,depressed,Feeling/thoughts,listener_2,5,"Thank you too, it feels good to know that there are actually other people who deal with the same stuff I deal with.",0.6597,positive,agreeing 288,depressed,Pointless,listener_2,1,"I have noone to love anymore. Nobody cares for me. New year's eve is tomorrow and everyone's so happy all around me. I am alone and noone seems to care anymore, everyone calls it a phase or tells me to just 'get over it'. I have noone to live for anymore, I feel like I only have a single friend and she lives 18000 miles away from me. I don't know what to do anymore in life.",0.963,positive,lonely 288,depressed,Pointless,listener_3,2,"I can tell you it is all about perspective. I have a ton of friends, a good job, a nice apartment and i still feel the same way you do. There are some things you can't control and depression is one of them. You aren't alone in feeling helpless. Have you tried talking to a professional? I am currently going to be looking for one myself. Not sure where you live, but Meetup.com could help you make friends or at least give you activities to do. ",0.9063,positive,lonely 288,depressed,Pointless,listener_2,3,"Yeah, next wednesday I'll see a doctor and he should be able to help at least a little bit.",0.5994,positive,hopeful 288,depressed,Pointless,listener_3,4,"Well that's good. I hope you have a decent new years eve! & remember, you aren't alone!",0.8490000000000001,positive,consoling 288,depressed,Pointless,listener_2,5,"Thanks for the talk, I really appreciate it. You're one of the few people who seem to care enough to talk. I hope your new year's eve is somewhat good!",0.9312,positive,encouraging 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,1,"So first off, happy new year everyone. I didn't think I was depressed, to be honest I'm kinda still in denial, but I don't feel right and maybe venting to strangers on the internet may help. I moved to California about a year and a half ago and when I got here I started smoking weed, a lot of weed, probably everyday since I've been here. It helps me relax and makes me not think about the struggles of life. Before I moved here though I never really smoked, I was always occupied with life whether it be school or friends, but now it feels so different. I have a good job, make good money, but I just feel like I .... exist... no real meaning. I don't have a lot of friends here, just a small circle that I try to continuously grow, and honestly I was okay with it, but then I got sick of the routine. Wake Up. Go To Work. Go back home. Smoke.Sleep. Rince and Repeat. I then decided to take charge of my life again, before I moved here I was very sociable, very motivated and ambitious, I even looked good, but now all I want to do is sit on the couch and do nothing. I have no ambitions and no motivation, it even effects me at work because I don't feel like I'm doing a well enough job. So I quit smoking weed because I felt that it played a huge part in why my life has declined.. It's been very hard, i get headaches because my mind is racing. I can't keep focused and all the things I didn't think I cared about is starting to get to me. Like having no friends, or not looking the way I should... I don't really know what to say, but I feel that I need to tell someone.",0.9933,positive,content 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",listener_1,2,If you need someone to talk to im here.,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,3,"Thank you. I appreciate it. i was looking at your last couple posts and saw that you play League and other games. Add me in game if you like, always looking to play with some friends. IGN: ImNotAMango",0.9274,positive,acknowledging 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",listener_1,4,Hey I tried to add you but for some reason couldn't find you. Are you on NA by any chance? I'm on EUW.,0.3612,positive,questioning 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,5,"While I agree weed doesn't help depression, I still believe, just like other substances, it masks the things you don't want to face. ",0.6724,positive,agreeing 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,6,I am on NA darn..,0.0,neutral,sad 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,7,At that point it's an addiction / :,0.0,neutral,neutral 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",listener_2,8,Withdraws and addiction are two different things.,0.0,neutral,neutral 289,depressed,"I stopped smoking weed, and now my thoughts have came back to haunt me.",speaker,9,Some would say Withdraws are the side-effect of an addiction.,0.0,neutral,sad 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,1,"I've never felt so alone in my life, I just want to sleep forever and hopefully when I wake up I will be somewheres else. I just want a friend or someone to talk to :(",0.2462,positive,lonely 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),listener_1,2,"Yes I understand completely. My entire body aches and nothing is enjoyable. I am always tired, and can not relate to others. I never used to be this way. I was always active and social, now I just want to hide all day. Heading to my first psych evaluation today, having sever anxiety and feel nausea about having to leave the house ",-0.4949,negative,anxious 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,3,"Really? If so, why are you ""lonely_forever""?",0.0,neutral,questioning 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,4,"I know how you feel, but I don't think talking to anyone will help...I just want to die. I used to be bestfriends with my mom and share things with her, I can't even look at her now. I hate everyone and everything. ",-0.8462,negative,sad 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),listener_2,5,"You shouldn't say things like that. Dying eliminates any chance of things getting better. I find that things will always get better over time, the tough part is sticking it out until then. Things will get better. It's best to not shut out your family though because they are sometimes the one constant in a persons life. Separating from that one constant can be really harmful to a persons psyche.",0.906,positive,sentimental 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,6,"Thanks, i'll try it ",0.4404,positive,encouraging 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,7,"Just feel like we've lost it, not sure really just feel like she' always on my back and doesn't understand me anymore.",0.2504,positive,lonely 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,8,"Thanks, but reaching out to my family isn't an option. ",0.4854,positive,sympathizing 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,9,What does that have to do with anything? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),listener_3,10,"Then you both need to talk more. Parents may seem all-knowing <wink>, but once their kids start growing up and changing, becoming their own people, we only know what you tell us. Talk to her. Start with asking how her day was, or answer honestly when she asks how your was. Ask her about her childhood, get to know her better. Understanding and respect needs to go both ways. ",0.9331,positive,trusting 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),speaker,11,"Everyone says that I'm not alone, that they feel like this too.. Then why am I still alone?",0.3049,positive,lonely 290,depressed,Does anyone understand me? (18 f),listener_4,12,"Not that I know anything about who you are or what has happened to you, but If you just so happen to spend everyday being negative, no wonder you end alone... I did the same thing and I regret it. Summer 2014 I lost a chance to be with some one I loved and I was so depressed. No one wanted to be near me. I felt like by showing my sadness other people's sympathy wouldn't help me, but it didn't. I really had to kick myself into gear. I get that depression is something that feels inescapable and I personally may not fully understand it, but there is ALWAYS a chance and another way to live. Don't let it consume you, you can beat it. Having lots of friends in life doesn't exactly matter - it's human nature to want to belong somewhere, but if you preserve and help yourself first you can get somewhere. The opportunity is definitely available 24/7. You are 18 years old and at the prime of your life, there is no reason you should let sad feelings stop you. There are millions and millions of people awake right and the world is big, you're never alone. I don't even know if my words will help, but feel free to call me an ignorant bastard who has no understanding of anything.",-0.9483,negative,ashamed 291,depressed,I fuck up everything.,speaker,1,"Hi. I'm 17 and from the Philippines. I've finally come to terms that I've lost all will to live. Let me elaborate. I grew up without my parents. My mom is apparently a drugged-up one, though I still love her even if I don't see her anymore because I don't know where she is. My foster family is a bit abusive to me and when I say ""a bit"", I mean a lot. Physically and emotionally. Physically. I'm a college student. I would admit I need them to sustain my expenses. But they don't. I live on roughly $12 a week (which I usually borrow from other people). They don't sustain me not because they can't. They don't just want to. If I protest, I get beaten really hard to the point that I'd be unconscious. I've developed Pneumothorax from one of their beatings, and I never dared tell them because they might think about fully abandoning me and leaving me out to die. I have a hard time keeping my thoughts clear because of all the beatings I've suffered. I've lost over 10kgs due to malnutrition and I don't know what to do. My girlfriend's the one who's been keeping me alive, but that's another story. Emotionally. I get that I'm the black sheep in this family, but why do they have to keep shoving it up my face? It fucking sucks. I've been called a lot of names I don't want to remember, and I've heard so many derogatory words I never knew existed. I get that emotional needs might sound like I'm a little bitch, but I was hoping they would at least try to understand that I'm trying to be who they hoped I would be, but I'm losin faith with their treatment of me. I've come to develop depression (but I'm not clinically diagnosed so hey, I might be exaggerating here) that it lead to me becoming a heavy smoker despite my pneumothorax. I've tried ODing before, but after that attempt, I at least tried to recollect myself. Then I met this girl. She made me feel like I was a real human being, treated me right and gave me real value, not just an investment that you put money into and force them to be someone you dont want to be. She made me feel like I was worth something, really. Then I fucked it up by some of my inherrent flaws like lying. I know what you would think, but lying has been my defensive mechanism against my foster family, and I don't know how to get rid of it. I know you'd say I'm just justifying myself. Now she's gone and I lost all will to live, mainly because she was the only one I've been holding on to in this world. I'm afraid that in the following days, I'd totally lose myself and end up doing what she hated: killing myself. TL;DR: I have family problems and I fucked up my only chance for a normal life and I want to die.",-0.9962,negative,devastated 291,depressed,I fuck up everything.,listener_1,2,"First, I'm so sorry that all of this has happened to you. Nobody deserves to go through what you have, and it would leave anybody feeling what you're feeling now. But this isn't your only chance at a normal life. There is no path set in stone for you, or for anyone. I know how corny it sounds but you always have a choice—a choice to move past what your foster family has done to you, move past losing this girl, and move toward a future that is what you want. Have you tried looking into any local resources that might help you out? Can you afford to live on your own, without your family? Families are what we make of them, and there is absolutely no reason you should stay with a family that abuses you physically and emotionally. You can sever that tie and never speak with them again. It would be hard, no doubt, but an infinitely better choice than ending your life, which has SO much potential. You are not alone. You need to take steps to help yourself, for yourself—not for your family, or the girl you've lost, but for you. Once you start controlling your own life I would be willing to bet that you would be so much happier.",0.3782,positive,sympathizing 291,depressed,I fuck up everything.,speaker,3,...thanks. I didn't expect this but my mind's too set on self-demise. Everything's twisted.,0.2382,positive,neutral 292,depressed,My parents suck the life out of me,speaker,1,"I'm stuck with them and they take up all my time in their own destructive pursuits with each other. All of it. I'm 24. Have a huge workload to handle at grad school. If I leave home, they separate. I have a younger brother. ",-0.5994,negative,furious 292,depressed,My parents suck the life out of me,listener_1,2,"Wouldn't it be better if they separated? If they are so unhappy and destructive together then you're not doing any favours to them by acting as a catalyst to keep them together and the toxic home life they create is just as bad for your younger sibling, if not worse, than the divorce process would be. If they end up happier and more stable apart then that is what would be best for them, for you, and for your younger sibling. Some things not only *can't* be fixed, they *shouldn't* be fixed. This is one of those things. You might suggest that they go to couples therapy to maybe sort out some of their problems, but ultimately it might be better for *everyone* if you stop trying to take care of your parents and let life take its course.",0.5879,positive,angry 292,depressed,My parents suck the life out of me,speaker,3,It would be. But they are keen on staying together till I finish my studies and get a little settled career wise. They'd even want to wait till I marry but I think I'm going to move out as soon as I get a job. ,0.8154,positive,annoyed 292,depressed,My parents suck the life out of me,speaker,4,"If I leave home right now, they will not only separate-which actually I don't know if they will - but they will be very destructive. ",-0.7929,negative,terrified 292,depressed,Alone,listener_2,1,"I've been depressed for a long time. I have my parents but no one friend. NOT ONE. I was on Google looking for ways to maybe cope and found someone post something similarly but a long time ago. I'm schizophrenic, all my therapists have either quit or moved away, my parents tell me to suck it up. And maybe I should but it's hard. I'm a high school drop out but I'm going back to school, online. I don't have a drivers licence so I sit at home all day either cleaning up last night's family mess or doing school. I see three people every single day and not anot her person. My brother, my mom, and my dad. I'm severely shy and introverted and terrified of change. Friday on January 15 2016, I turned 20 years old. I have not had a single friend of mine in my house in 4 years. I realized that those last for years are some of the most golden years one can experience. Your young, have the world going for you and blah blah blah. I missed them. I sat in my house binge watching hulu and netflix, cried when my cat died and now coo over my new one. I'm cynical and sarcastic and for a while I didn't think I needed a friend. But four years of my life are gone and I have nothing to show for them. No mistakes, or boyfriends or even girlfriends, no movie nights or dinner with friends. For my birthday all I want is a friend. Someone who understands what I'm going through and won't try to fix me. It might sound desperate but I would be loyal, I wouldn't judge you for size, or how you feel, religious veiws, if your clothes are fashionable. Just as long as you do the same.",-0.9834,negative,lonely 292,depressed,Alone,listener_3,2,I could sure use more friends. I've been abandoned it seems by all of mine. I'm 32 and the only good thing I have to show for it is my fiancé. She does help but it's no fun when no one shows up to your birthday but one friend out of the big group you were planning ,0.3805,positive,lonely 292,depressed,Alone,listener_2,3,"No, it's not any fun. I told myself I could be friendless because it would be easier but then I go to the store or watch TV and start to feel that loneliness. I'll call friend. Happy late birthday, man!",0.7384,positive,lonely 292,depressed,Alone,listener_3,4,"Thanks, hope things get better for you. I'm planning on trying to reinvent my social circle, not an easy task. One of my big problems is I can't fly solo, I'm too attached. Sooner or later I have to admit I do need my own time at times ",0.6591,positive,lonely 292,depressed,Alone,listener_2,5,Good luck with the new friend making. I would like to do that but I'm a very socially awkward and cannot form coherent words when people are around me,0.5396,positive,wishing 292,depressed,Alone,listener_3,6,"I'm like that too where I don't know where to begin. Try to start small and take small steps. It won't happen overnight, just over time ",0.3612,positive,agreeing 292,depressed,Alone,listener_2,7,"Thank you, I will try that",0.3612,positive,wishing 293,depressed,Why do I keep going????,speaker,1,"Why do I bother anymore? Really? Been battling depression for 20+ years. I keep lying to myself, saying, it can get better... one day... dream of something better... but in the end... more pain and continuing pain, new pain, all rolled into one. Marriage counseling for 4yrs, none the better. I am a wasted shell of person who is barely existing. I think I have finally come to the revelation that all my problems are me. And all the pain around me is caused by me. I think the pain of me no longer around will wain and eventually be gotten over, but with me in the picture, it just keeps getting worse and worse. How can I keep lying to myself that ""it'll get better"" it hasn't well over 10+ years and it wont. Need to loose that pipe dream. Try counseling, done, not working, and got screwed by counselor. Friends, yeah don't have those. Church, nope there too, been there done that. I'm left with an empty pipe dream, hopes all lost, and so much pain from so many years, I can't physically handle the physicall pain, nor the emotional pain anymore. I need to find some peace, love (unconditional), and maybe a little happiness... but I see the reality of that. I doesn't exist and I am just a fool. Here ya go reddit, the biggest fool, hanging on for that which doesn't exist, but at one time believed it is.... stupid me. Wishing you all, the most in life, and in all you do. As for me, well that's all I got..., nothing.",-0.9921,negative,ashamed 293,depressed,Why do I keep going????,listener_1,2,"If you've tried every ""remedy"" under the sun and still aren't feeling some sort of goodness in life, just drop it. Drop the act, drop the day to day monotony. Raise some money, pack up and go. Explore nature, explore the world. Do you and have deep conversations with your inner self. Explore the world and you will come up with some answers to your inner problems. Don't get bogged down with what other people expect of you. This is your life, and you need to do what will keep you going. Make yourself happy and experience life. Then you can try to fit into other people's lives.",0.1373,positive,hopeful 293,depressed,Why do I keep going????,speaker,3,"You make a sound suggestions, or thought. Over my years of anst, and heartache I have learned one very important thing. I don't deserve happiness. I am the root cause of all that is bad. Trust me I have been told SO much and so many times. Explained in detail for as long as I can remeber. I hate the man I am. Well then change and do differently you would say. That sounds so simple and so easy... but when someone arrives at the place where I am, it appears an impossibility. Just like saying, boy I'm in debt up to my ears, well then just win the lottery, and all your money problems will be gone. That is how it looks from my perspective. The last 5 years or so have only seen a handful of weeks scattered across that were good. But they are soon overshadowed when I'm told the horrible things I've done in that time to hurt those around me, and heck I didn't even know I was doing them. Thought things were great, stupid me. Well in short.... depressed, caged in my thoughts, no letting up, pain everywhere around me (all bc of me), and we'll nothing to show for anything. Suicide has always been a real option for me, but never had the balls to actually do something. Hopefully times will change and the pain can stop for good. Sorry for the ranting, I don't have a soul to speak to and we'll when I start it just starts rolling. So I'll shut up now.",-0.9565,negative,angry 294,depressed,I keep wanting to kill myself,speaker,1,I've been in a dark place lately. I think about killing myself everyday. But I don't want people to know. I don't want people to think I'm crazy. I feel like something is wrong with me. Every day I think about death. But I don't even want to tell my counselor. Everything in my life would be uprooted. I just needed to share this.,-0.9052,negative,guilty 294,depressed,I keep wanting to kill myself,listener_1,2,Hang in there. No don't. Terrible use of words on my part. 😅 Music helps. Friends help. Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be about your problems. Just talking and joking around even helps. Call someone up if you need to. Also getting out of the house really helps. Staying cooped up in one place can be depressing. Changes of scenery can help too. We have a lot of people in this world. But there's only one of you. Stay alive. ,0.8431,positive,sad 294,depressed,I keep wanting to kill myself,speaker,3,Thanks. I will try.,0.4404,positive,wishing 295,depressed,I do nothing.,speaker,1,"I really feel like my life is spiralling at the moment, no job, no money I can't afford to do things with my friends- and I don't want to either. I spend my days at home watching the same movies the same TV shows, waking up late going to bed at 3am every morning. And I hate how I actually like not leaving the house, Im 24 and I feel like everyone else around me is having the time of their life making memories, going somewhere. Im just laying in bed getting fatter and uglier wishing my life away. ",0.5178,positive,lonely 295,depressed,I do nothing.,listener_1,2,"You could be doing a *lot* worse than nothing, brownpiedgirl. You didn't drown your children in the tub this morning, did you? You didn't make a series of videos of you assaulting your neighbors while wearing their underwear either, right? I bet you haven't even manufactured a single weapon of mass destruction all week. Not a single fatality in 24 hours can be blamed on you. *Not bad. Not bad at all by my standards.* Laziness has kept me out of more trouble than anything else during my long and fruitless life and I have learned to embrace it. I do nothing as much as possible now. It is my hobby. I do nothing indoors for a while then go out with the dogs and do nothing out on the mountain and in the woods. I watch the snow fall and listen to the conversations of the trees, imagining what it must feel like to be deeply rooted to the earth. Good times.",-0.6103,negative,surprised 295,depressed,I do nothing.,listener_2,3,How do you pick up your friends again?,0.4767,positive,questioning 296,depressed,I have someone helping me but I feel like I'm hurting them.,speaker,1,"I have a great friend helping me right now. The problem is I feel like I'm dragging her all with me because she would feel guilty if she left. she is adamant it's because I'm the ""best person she's ever known"" but that just sounds like a lie to me. I don't know if I did a good thing, she wants to get into the police and I got her to quit smoking weed, idk if that's because I'm controlling though anothr thing is we were going to see each other today but she toldn me she couldn't come today, later I saw her on snap chat drinking at another friends house, it made me realise maybe I've become too much even for her. Before anyone asks yes I'm a guy, and we've talked about it before she told me that if she were single she would have gone for a relationship with me but once again I feel like that's a white lie she's a great friend but at times I feel like I'm a horrible one for always being depressing Sorry for the rant style post I have a lot going on apart from just this but this is what I need advice on",0.9771,positive,trusting 296,depressed,I have someone helping me but I feel like I'm hurting them.,listener_1,2,"To by honest with you, many of us suffering from depression, I can attest, and other things, our greatest downfall is that we don't seek help or we stop seeking help because we don't like hurting those around us even if they are willing to help us. So I commiserate with you. I know what it's like when you're hurting and someone is helping you and you just feel like you're dragging them down with you. I think this may be why there is professional help. I hope this helped a little. I'm not an expert, but I think it's commendable of you but one thing that might help is to remember that when someone is helping you they are doing it voluntarily. I'm not an ask for help type of person and it feels weird, in fact it hurts more when people help me but that's why we don't all have our own planets. We're all here to help each other. Good for you for supporting your friend though. It may be just that she needed a break. I hope everything works out and I apologize for rambling.",0.9878,positive,sentimental 296,depressed,I have someone helping me but I feel like I'm hurting them.,speaker,3,"Hey, I'll message you tomorrow. I hope you're fine with me venting, talking to each other might help if our experiences are similar.",0.7506,positive,consoling 297,depressed,Tips for getting out of bed in the morning?,speaker,1,"I have a hard time getting out of bed every morning. I'll wake up from my alarm, turn it off an go back to sleep for another couple hours, usually making miss all my morning classes. I obviously can't allow this routine to continue, so I was hoping someone could give me some tips.",-0.2505,negative,apprehensive 297,depressed,Tips for getting out of bed in the morning?,listener_1,2,"I was never the best with this. I've always just slept when my body wants to sleep. Sunlight blocks melatonin in the brain, so some times when I had to wake up, I'd try to look outside, not directly at the sun, but somewhere bright",0.2996,positive,embarrassed 297,depressed,Tips for getting out of bed in the morning?,listener_2,3,this actually is really helpful but i dont think i could dance in the morning haha,0.7224,positive,neutral 298,depressed,Advice for Parents who don't believe Depression is Real,speaker,1,"So, I struggle with depression. As a matter of fact, I think I've been struggling with it since I was maybe twelve or thirteen. I didn't realize it until recently, when I was twenty. My parents don't believe in depression or any other mentally related struggle. They are very religious and believe that prayer and love from those around you is what you need. And if you are depressed you need more prayer and need to be more religious. I am not very religious. I have faith but I don't believe that it can solve all my problems. I believe that part of being human and alive and self sufficient is the fact that faith alone can't make life peachy. We have to put effort into it and lean on each other sometimes. I have a hard time leaning on others but I am working on it. The problem is that my parents love me a lot but aren't supportive. I know that sounds weird but to put it more frankly they offer support but it's the wrong kind of support. For example, my mother harps on my not being depressed and if I am, I need to pray more. I never discuss my mental struggles with her anymore because of this. If she heard that I was depressed or that I struggle with suicidal tendencies she would be upset and disappointed with me. My question is, is there nothing to be done for parents who don't support you in something like this? Is there a way to explain to them or get them to understand that just because you are depressed doesn't mean that you are failing at life or ceasing to be a decent human being? Is there a way to explain to them the kind of support you really need? I feel the way a homeless man would feel if he asked you to help him get a roof over his head to beat the cold and you looked at him and told him he should consider taking classes at his local community college that would help him appear more educated. It's support and it's good support but it's inappropriate support. So what should I do? Do I simply accept the fact that my parents and I will never be on the same page about this and just accept the fact that they can't be part of my support or do I even try to inform them and educate them to understand the situation better?",0.926,positive,faithful 298,depressed,Advice for Parents who don't believe Depression is Real,listener_1,2,Let them talk to a professional. education is key but i have a feeling their religion will stop them from advancing their knowledge. Sorry for your troubles. ,-0.7579,negative,sympathizing 298,depressed,Advice for Parents who don't believe Depression is Real,speaker,3,Thanks. You're right and sadly I think they may never go to see a professional. But it's worth a try that I never thought of.,0.34,positive,agreeing 299,depressed,I need some help,speaker,1,"I feel absolutely hopless. I don't necessarily look depressed but I am. No one wants to help me because I don't ""look depressed"". My family has fucked me up and no one gives a fuck. I am finally at college and alone and no one understands me. I don't know where to turn from here ",-0.93,negative,lonely 299,depressed,I need some help,listener_1,2,"If you're in college you should be able to set up an appointment with a councillor there, rather than pay out of pocket for a private office. That's honestly your best option, I felt isolated in college too and it made me drop out twice. You don't want that for yourself ",0.4902,positive,suggesting 299,depressed,I need some help,speaker,3,"Your right and I have already gone to counseling and have signed up for a couple of sessions a week. My depression isn't necessarily messing up my academics, it is just very frustrating and is preventing me from getting out there and meeting new people. ",-0.7902,negative,confident 299,depressed,I need some help,speaker,4,"I am just seeking people who understand me. I know I should seek to understand myself, but sometimes its hard because I am naturally an extrovert. I need to talk out loud sometimes in order to get to a certain level of analysis to solve my problem. My family has fucked me up financially by messing up my credit, as well as mentally by undermining and insulting me on a daily basis ",-0.872,negative,trusting 299,depressed,I need some help,speaker,5,"Thank you, and yeah I do a lot emotional masking . I subconsciously pretend that I am overly happy or appear to be fine when I'm really feeling horrible. I have scheduled a couple of counseling sessions a week so hopefully that will help me. Thank you again for your response. I really hope that you figure everything out as well ",0.9607,positive,consoling 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,1,Hi reddit. I'm a 19 year old female and this question is really urgent since I'm wondering whether I might be depressed or just being dramatic. For more than a year now I've had ups and downs which I guess every teen has once or twice. But since November everything's seemed to go downwards. If I tell you all the details this post would be endless. So I just wondered if anyone would be willing to talk to me about their experiences. I know it's a lot to ask but I'd be unbelievably grateful.,0.5908,positive,apprehensive 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",listener_1,2,"If a negative state of mind is not altered by circumstances and persists more than several weeks, it could be depression. Note that ""depression"" is not precisely defined and means different things to different people. If you want the strictly medical definition, look it up by googling.",-0.8957,negative,apprehensive 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,3,"I know that, believe me, I've spent such a long time reading about different experiences from different people. I guess I wasn't that clear on formulating the question, sorry. It's more about if you knew whether it actually was ""something"" or if you just made the feelings and symptoms up yourself, for whatever reasons. I'm sorry if that sounds a little vague or crazy.",-0.6158,negative,sympathizing 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",listener_1,4,"I think in my case depression was a form of PTSD that resulted from sustained childhood trauma. When exposed to too much crazy shit, the young brain recoils. Then it numbs itself as a defense mechanism so it will not be assaulted that way again. The result is that you are not willing to do much. You don't care too much about anything. You feel safer when isolated and separate from strong stimuli. Etc.",-0.8423,negative,lonely 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,5,Thanks for sharing. Are you doing better now? Please don't get me wrong here. I'm really glad that I didn't experience anything terrible in my life yet. But at the same time it kind of makes it harder to cope with those negative feelings since there is no obvious cause for them and I keep thinking I should just cut it out.,-0.329,negative,questioning 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",listener_1,6,"There may not be an obvious cause but there is a cause and healing depends in part about finding out what that cause is. I feel better and I attribute the end of depression to finally understanding what I am and how I got to be this way. Now, after many years of self hate, I love myself and my life.",-0.1154,negative,grateful 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,7,Glad things worked out for you :) Thank you for taking your time to help me. I might go back to see my doctor again and ask him if I could go see a therapist.,0.8807,positive,acknowledging 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,8,It's rather that I don't really take myself seriously but I'm trying to work on that. Thanks for your opinion!,0.5662,positive,neutral 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,9,"Oh god, you really scared me now. This is exactly what I've been feeling. I sort of like the crying and the feeling of hopelessness. And that's why I keep telling myself to just get over it and start being rational again. Are things better for you now?",-0.4915,negative,questioning 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",listener_2,10,"They're alright. My biggest issue was that I kept dating terrible people. I spent around 5 years dating emotionally and mentally abusive guys. That's what really brought me down. Made me feel worthless made life not worth living. I'd love these guys and think, well if this is as good as love gets, this ain't worth it. Because love was suppose to be something that made people happy. and I just wasn't getting it. People would tell me to break up with those bastards and find someone better but I thought I loved these guys and would never find anyone better. I thought the type of treatment they gave me was what I deserved. Fast forward to about half a year ago, I finally dumped my latest ex and was able to keep myself away from him long enough to not wanna go back with the help of my wonderful cousin. Then she introduces me to a wonderful guy who I've been dating for 4 months now. And he is great, but I still don't know if i feel true happiness. And honestly, no I don't think I ever will. Not with little daily life things that are suppose to make you happy. I dont know how to explain it exactly. I think the difference is that I'm a grown up now, and I reminisce on the type of happiness I had as a child, and I don't think anyone ever really gets that type of happiness back. Not after you've seen the cruel realities of the world. ",0.9935,positive,sad 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,11,Thank you very much :),0.6983,positive,wishing 300,depressed,"People who have struggled with depression, how did you know it was depression?",speaker,12,"That's exactly what I feel like. I don't want people to think I'm just seeking attention. After all every teenager struggles from time to time. I'm just not sure anymore if it's a ""normal amount"" of worrying and feeling helpless anymore. I even did go to a doctor once. He told me that it's probably just some vitamins that are missing and that I shouldn't worry about it. He didn't even really listen to me, he just made me feel like I'm insulting everyone who actually has mental problems. So I just felt worse after the appointment. How are you doing now? :)",-0.8548,negative,trusting 301,depressed,Fantasizing about death lately.,speaker,1,"This is kind of just venting. I can't remember ever feeling happy or as if I had a place in the world, wherever I was. My mother was emotionally abusive and struggled with dependence on various prescription drugs for most of my life, and I never figured out how to deal with that other than shutting down and kind of disassociating (I know this is a technical term I probably don't actually qualify for, but I can't think of a better word.). I didn't have any friends at the shitty religious private school I went to from ages 4-14, and I got pretty bad in high school as far as being isolated and taking it out on myself. I weighed well over 300 pounds by the time I was 17 and was pushing people away as hard as I could. High school was almost a complete failure, but my parents forced me to see a therapist and I somehow graduated and got into college. I ended up losing like 100 pounds in between my senior year in HS and first year in college, and I thought I had a way out of all the shit that was drowning me in my hometown. So, I get to college and struggle to connect with people, and actually made a few friends, which is honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done. My therapist had sent me to a psych who had put me on anti-depressants and adderal, which I now think precipitated the next big event. The first summer at college one of my professors let me sublet his house while he was out of town after he gathered I really didn't need to be around my parents. I spent a month alone in that house, really alone for the first time, and spiraled downward pretty quick. I quit taking my meds and was hospitalized by my therapist for being suicidal. After that I lived with my parents for the rest of the summer and tried to throw myself back into school. Basically after that I met people who drank and did drugs and realized that liquor and opiates are way better at changing the way I feel than anything else. I stopped seeing my therapist and started getting fucked up all the time. I met a girl and fell HARD around this point. I could go on for pages about her and I, but in the end I think she was just as fucked up as me and it never would have worked anyway. We saw each other on and off for the next seven years. She always went back to her old boyfriend, and every time she did I hit the bottle harder. Eventually I was drinking a 5th a day alone and doing roxies when I was too sick to drink more. I drank all of my friends away. I tried to quit drinking while I was still in school when I realized I was probably doing permanent damage to myself, but all the doctors did was prescribe me ativan. Now I've been physically dependent on ativan for four years and never quit drinking. I don't know how I'm gonna quit taking those pills. My mother quit taking a similar drug and spent five years in and out of hospitals dealing with the protracted hellish withdrawals. I dropped out of college around the time I tried to quit drinking and took a job working for my father, which has put me right back where I was in my hometown dealing with my abusive parents. Somewhere in here I got arrested for driving while I was fucked up. Like on the wrong side of a pretty big highway barely awake fucked up. Spent a year really fucking alone without a car after that. While I was dealing with probation and whatnot that girl broke my heart for the last time and I've been in some weird manic anhedonic haze since then. There is no one left in my life. I hate everything. I hate myself, I hate the people I have to deal with every day at work, I hate the meaningless tasks I'm forced to perform to support myself, I hate my old friends for abandoning me, I hate my family for not seeing how low I've gotten, I hate having to wake up every day knowing that all it will bring is intense pain, I hate having to hide in the bathroom to cry at work, I hate having to drink myself to sleep most nights. Lately I've just been thinking about how nice it will be to die and not have to deal with any of this ever again. Sorry that was so long. I don't have anywhere to say any of this and frankly haven't been honest with anyone in years.",-0.9992,negative,lonely 301,depressed,Fantasizing about death lately.,listener_1,2,"I can't even imagine how difficult it is for you. And frankly I am not sure I can provide some solid advice. But if you need someone to talk to (or vent (: ) feel free to message me. I have found that we can be more open and honest to outsiders. And no matter how much we scrutinize things in our head, telling them to someone else can provide another perspective.",0.9267,positive,trusting 301,depressed,Fantasizing about death lately.,speaker,3,"Thanks for replying. I do actually want to talk to someone. I'm about to pass out now, but I'll see how it goes tomorrow.",0.2732,positive,hopeful 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,speaker,1," I'm so depressed right now, I can't even think. I've literally been staring at a post I'm supposed to be making for a class for the last ten minutes. I wrote a sentence but now I can't think of anything. My mind is literally blank...even now...I...I just can't do this...has anyone ever been here? Feel so empty and hopeless that you're literally lost in the blankness of your own mind...?",-0.917,negative,lonely 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,listener_1,2,I've grown to like that feeling. It's an old friend. It will pass.,0.7351,positive,nostalgic 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,speaker,3,"I'm sort of at that point myself. Like I don't like being depressed but I kind of feel safe in it at the same time...I know that makes no sense, but it's sort of like, not knowing anything else one is fine with what one feels because feeling anything other than what you are used to could be scary.",0.5509,positive,content 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,listener_2,4,What do you like about it? I've never enjoyed it.,-0.0521,negative,questioning 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,listener_1,5,Not thinking. ,0.0,neutral,lonely 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,listener_1,6,Makes total sense to me.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 302,depressed,Can't Even Think Right Now...Lost,speaker,7,Glad...sometimes I try to explain myself and everything is so fucked up I just wonder if I'm making any sense.,-0.7661,negative,embarrassed 303,depressed,2/9/2016 My whole world came crashing down.,speaker,1," I'm 27 and have been in a relationship for close to 6 years. My ex now, we had a child together that is four years of age. We were struggling in our relationship, which, I now am starting to believe I want being the problematic one. I met her here in the city and after she got pregnant, we moved to Puerto Rico. We've been through so much together and it is hard to figure out where the Love died out. Until last night, I invaded her privacy by logging into her Facebook. Now, I usually never do this at all. She does check my Facebook while I'm not around, phone, things of that nature and she has enough reason to. After finding out she was talking to her Best Friend in a certain tone I found inappropriately, I called her while she was clocking out of work. I went on the impulse of the anger and the shame i was currently feeling at that time. One thing lead to another and I asked her to pack her stuff and leave to her mothers house. I awaited and she arrived about an hour later, things just got really intense. On a whim I had already decided, as she stated, the only way to get her out since she didn't feel Love for me anymore - Was to taunt her and insult her out. It worked, i'm not extremely happy over it, actually i feel like i was being selfish and self centered. Before this, I tried to find a solution, something that we can do to resolve and remedy the situation for our son. It didn't go as planned... So I wake up this morning and felt like complete shit. The first thing that hit me was, I wasn't ever taking my son to school. I realized i didn't hear my son get up from his bed and talking about Minecraft. I didn't catch a glimpse of his shaggy blonde hair or the way he would express himself in the morning. All I saw was an empty room with his book bag and his school work and crayons. I now feel like i am stuck, i can't wedge myself out, every so often i just burst in tears while I hide from the World. I don't know where else to turn, who to talk too. No friends or Families I can depend on. I am starting to see how much of a piece of shit i really am, a coward, inconsiderate, immature and irrational. ",-0.9776,negative,lonely 303,depressed,2/9/2016 My whole world came crashing down.,listener_1,2,"aww, i may not be to much help but i would if i was in your shoes, tell her that you are sorry that you acted so unmature. It may not work out as you want it to, but atleast she will know you are brave enough to say sorry. hope it works out for you dude, because it almost always will.",0.8705,positive,neutral 303,depressed,2/9/2016 My whole world came crashing down.,speaker,3,First thing I did was apologize to her for everything that I said to her. ,0.1027,positive,ashamed 303,depressed,2/9/2016 My whole world came crashing down.,listener_1,4,good :),0.7096,positive,wishing 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,speaker,1,"Have been severely depressed from the expectations of parents and not meeting them regarding Grade 12 and getting into University. when I had a lot of chances to but I just fucked up every time not doing well in tests, assignments. Been depressed for so long that I forgot all the great experiences I had through my life, lost all the courage and social skills to function in life and wondering If I will ever get through this...",-0.8187,negative,devastated 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,listener_1,2,I don't really have much advice but that's similar to my situation at the moment. I'm sure you'll get through it :),0.7876,positive,neutral 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,speaker,3,Hope you make it through too. Good Luck!,0.8439,positive,consoling 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,speaker,4,They told me to suck it up,-0.4404,negative,ashamed 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,listener_2,5,"well, your parents are assholes and should not have kids. DOnt be like them when you grow up, be a kind and understanding person. It makes the world better. You should talk with a adult that you trust and like, that will support you! Also tell your parents that they should be ashamed of themselves! ",0.8163,positive,neutral 304,depressed,Depressed from the pressure of parents,speaker,6,"Thank you very much for your advice, really appreciate it! I will surely give it a try even if it means I get a few beatings or scolding. Thank you!",0.8879,positive,acknowledging 305,depressed,I sort of want to just disappear forever,speaker,1,"I am very very very depressed. I've never been so depressed before in my life. A couple weeks ago my BF texted me he wanted to end things. We had been having issues and things were getting better but he just gave up. I went to his apartment to try and talk to him but he still wanted to break up. I was so overwhelmed, stressed, depressed from other things, that I smacked him. It was completely out of character. I told him during one of our fights that if he ever dumped me I'd tell him mom his secret. So I did. I texted her how her son was raped when he was 17. My BF was livid but I didn't care because I was crushed and heartbroken. The now ex BF wanted to not communicate at all. This was something I could not do. It was like going cold turkey. So I texted and called to try and get ahold and he never answered. I threatened suicide to get his attention. I did want to die but I know I'm too scared to ever act on it. A few days go by and I successfully didn't contact him. Then I relapsed and started texting him. He ended up blocking my number so I downloaded an app for texting. I threatened suicide again. He then called the cops and they came to my house to see if I was okay. The next day I call and text and still no response. I'm not threatening anything. I texted his mom saying I'd like to apologize and I got no response from her. So Later on I texted her again saying how it's impolite to ignore, blah blah blah. Then started saying how awful of a son she has because instead of being there for my depression, he left me. I then started texting the ex BF and just was trying to get him to talk and shit. I never threatened to hurt him or anything. That night I get a call from the police saying to stop all communication with the ex or I will be arrested and an order of protection will take place. Since that phone call, I haven't contacted my ex. I blocked him on all social media and also blocked all his family and friends. Then today I get a call about an order of protection. It's complete crap because I did stop contacting him and have no intention contacting him ever again because he showed his true colors and he is truly a coward. I am just so completely broken and disappointed. He already put me through a break up and now he wants a restraining order and there is a court date set for March 1. It makes NO SENSE. They gave me the warning so I stopped. So I feel the restraining order is unnecessary because I don't want to contact him nor was I planning on it once I was told I'll be arrested if I do so. Ugh. This is such a mess. I wish he would just let it go and move on instead of bringing it to court. I really just want to die. Everything is getting worse and worse. I'm too scared to actually kill myself though because death terrifies me. I sort of want to just disappear forever.",-0.9994,negative,ashamed 305,depressed,I sort of want to just disappear forever,speaker,2,I know i caused the issues in the relationship. And that's what makes it so much harder. I fucked up. I hope there is someone out there for me to equally love someday,0.4019,positive,guilty 305,depressed,I sort of want to just disappear forever,listener_1,3,"There is, there always is. You dont want to miss that do you? Dont die, please dont. It would break my heart to see someone to die. And if you want to talk with someone, im here :)",0.7189,positive,caring 305,depressed,I sort of want to just disappear forever,speaker,4,"Thank you. It just sucks knowing I'm the one who caused all this crap, which makes me hate myself",-0.7717,negative,ashamed 305,depressed,I sort of want to just disappear forever,listener_1,5,dont think too much about it.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,speaker,1,"I want to build things, I want create art, but I feel so drained. I've been buying parts for building electronic devices, and I've built one shitty guitar and am working on another, but I just don't have the energy or motivation to finish. I feel like my life is just empty lately, and I don't know what to do. It's affecting my marriage, it's affecting my job, it's affecting my friendships, it's affecting everything. All I want is to feel unique and wanted. I have so many friends, but I never get asked to hang out. I never get invited to things, and when I do, I find out my friends are using drugs or getting drunk (I'm ""straight edge"") and it just ruins everything. Ugh. I really need to get on meds. Thanks for listening to me vent, I don't want any pity or advice, just the acknowledgement that people know I exist...",0.5623,positive,sad 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_1,2,you exists,0.0,neutral,agreeing 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,speaker,3,Thanks. However can I repay you?,0.4404,positive,questioning 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_1,4,"well, go take your wife on a nice dinner on valentines day. I hope that will cheer you up :)",0.9201,positive,encouraging 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,speaker,5,"That reminds me, I gotta buy her a present yet. Getting her Magic the Gathering cards ",0.0,neutral,prepared 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_1,6,"heh, sounds fun. You play it too?",0.6249,positive,questioning 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,speaker,7,"Nah, fantasy ain't my thing. I prefer building stuff",-0.1027,negative,afraid 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_2,8,Do you play minecraft? I'm sure there's a way to combine minecraft and magic,0.5719,positive,confident 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_1,9,ah,0.0,neutral,questioning 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,speaker,10,"Nah, I don't play video games at all tbh. ",-0.3476,negative,neutral 306,depressed,I don't have the energy to be happy anymore,listener_2,11,How about you finish that guitar and make it magic themed? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 307,depressed,I don't know if I have a future.,speaker,1,"Hello, r/depressed. My name's - well, you can call me whatever you want. I'd prefer to stay anonymous. I'm 17 years old, and I've felt pretty awful about myself for a while now. It's been going on for years but I recently got into an (amazing) online relationship with a girl that's been going on for 3 months. I told her I'd be 100% honest with her right from the beginning and, I was successful in doing that. But it turns out my honest self isn't that happy, and I'm posting here today because I feel like my constant self-pity and degradation has finally gotten to her. I posted on SuicideWatch once before and I ended up telling her about that. It didn't do that much. I won't talk about that here, anyway. I never really took my education seriously and let's just say I'm very far behind. I'm catching up and making great progress with a lot of goals I've set for myself but it doesn't seem to budging this constant feeling of hopelessness. I feel like my future has been totally ruined. I don't really know what to do, I don't really have a plan. But I feel like if I try to fix my mistakes I'll make the girl I love tired of waiting, and she'll leave me. And if I don't try to fix my mistakes, I feel like I won't have a future with her. I feel worthless, and I don't know how to feel better. So this place is kind of a last resort for me, I guess. Any replies would help. Thanks.",0.9815,positive,ashamed 307,depressed,I don't know if I have a future.,listener_1,2,"Dude. No need to worry. I know depression is tough. Ive made horrible mistakes in my life too. Ive bad depressuon and anxiety since i was in the 8th grade. Im 20 now and im slowly overcoming it. I was a straight F student for about 2 years. I barely graduated high school and tried to attend a community college but my anxiety would kick in and we all know how that feels. I dropped out TWICE. Anyways, that was last year. On new years i felt so alone. I walked to my balcony and saw the LA downtown view. So beautiful. Yet my life felt so ugly. I wanted to jump really bad. I honestly dont know why i didnt. I fell to my knees and alomst cried. But instead of feeling bad for myself. I decided not to cry anymore. And i didnt. This year i got cheated on , a close friend backstabbed me and i was laid ofd. I honestly thought i was going to be extremely depressed. I almost cried the morning after. Instead i took a cold shower and cleaned my room. I am now attending a community college again. I now realize that noone can make you truly happy but yourself. You dont have to live up to your INTERNET girlfriends standards. You were not brought here to live up to anyone standards. Its not too late for ANYTHING. Belive me. There are 40 year olds in my class that want to graduate. The perfect time to change your life is now. And it isnt going to be easy. I dont know how to end what im telling you. But good luck.",0.7641,positive,agreeing 307,depressed,I don't know if I have a future.,speaker,3,"She's not putting any pressure on me though. She's amazing. It's just me being anxious. That's the problem I'm trying to get over. I don't know how to stop being constantly fearful and sad, and regretting my past.",-0.8486,negative,anxious 307,depressed,I don't know if I have a future.,listener_1,4,Well its not you can forget. So just dont think about it. If its something you couldnt control then thats too bad. If it was. If you were the one that caused damages then apologize.,-0.4997,negative,sympathizing 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,speaker,1,"I'm active duty, on a deployment. People in my work center seem to only care about my wife. I've only been asked if I needed anything once. Everyone seems to be asking my wife, talking to her, and being with her all the time. Yet I can't even get my own supervisor to acknowledge my existence. My wife doesn't understand, she's probably being boned by a Co worker of mine. Life sucks and I feel like no one wants to listen. ",0.5719,positive,annoyed 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,listener_1,2,"I know what it's like to have a shitty supervisor. My first one was an idiot and didn't steer me in any general direction. Typical frat boy really. I loved my job but hated the community. I eventually just PCS'd and got a new one. Even now I don't care for the one I have. I just confide in family. I don't share much. As for the wife I found honesty is the best policy. Yes it sucks to hear or speak at times but its better than living in curiosity. My girlfriend knows all of my past partners, she knows mine. She knows all of my faults and I know hers. Any disputes we have we work on. It sucks feeling alone. I know. And it's only really easy to confide in someone when you can relate to them. My situation may not be quite like yours but I've suffered in similar ways. If you need to talk my ear is always open. And when you get to a fixed base Mental Health definitely works wonders.",-0.7708,negative,trusting 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,speaker,3,"Thank you brother, appreciate your kind words. They do sink into my soul. May I ask how long you've been in?",0.8225,positive,grateful 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,listener_1,4,Only two years. Hardly a respectable amount of time but we're all in this together.,0.2049,positive,faithful 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,speaker,5,Any amount of time is respectable regardless of the branch you choose to join. I'm at 5 years and can't wait to get out.,0.6249,positive,impressed 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,listener_1,6,It may just be job but I swear I feel like I'm in high school again. So much petty behavior and drama everyday. Not to mention nobody my age or younger seems to be independent. My first supervisor was a joke. My first duty location was unwanted to say the least. I'm just glad I signed that 4 year contract. ,0.6987,positive,annoyed 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,speaker,7,"I feel like I make a mistake even joining to be honest. Everyone sucks, and if they don't suck they will eventually let you down.",0.5116,positive,disappointed 308,depressed,Sometimes I feel empty.,listener_1,8,I like what I do. If I could sit in a room with my team for the next 20 years I'd do it. But the more I progress the less I'd actually do. And then I'd be responsible for entry military members. If they get in trouble I do. I'm not about to put that on myself. I can't control what others do.,0.6448,positive,faithful 309,depressed,stuff,speaker,1,We can never stop the suffering of those we love. Life is a struggle that only ends in death. There is no meaning in any of it.,0.0624,positive,caring 309,depressed,stuff,listener_1,2,Life is a wondrous situation we can't even begin to fully appreciate. There is no meaning in it as far as we can tell aside from that which we create. What exactly do gravitational waves do to space-time and what does this mean for us?,0.4391,positive,questioning 309,depressed,stuff,speaker,3,I'll agree with you on that as far as Viktor Frankl goes. We create our own meaning and that is one way many people get it done.,0.5574,positive,agreeing 310,depressed,Increased romantic and sexual desires on venlafaxine?,speaker,1,"Hello everyone, I've recently been put on 150 mg of venlafaxine for depression and anxiety and it was working to a degree with no major side effects (after a long a troubling trial of various ones that did have major side effects) but I was still feeling my anxiety quite a bit so my dose was increased by 75mg. This is reducing my anxiety but I'm finding myself falling for people left right and centre (this is very unlike me) and I'm trying to work out if this is a result of increased chemical production in my brain or if this is actually how I am it's just been inhibited by the anxiety and depression I always had? Any input would be greatly appreciated. P.s. sorry for text wall and what I assume is poor punctuation, the written language is not my strongest area of knowledge",-0.9302,negative,apprehensive 310,depressed,Increased romantic and sexual desires on venlafaxine?,listener_1,2,i would personally put this down to the fact that its working and no longer being smacked about by depression and more likely anxiety. this is probably how 'normal' people might feel and i guess you might understand why every one else seems to get laid so much :) have fun P.S. I'm jealous ,-0.5106,negative,neutral 310,depressed,Increased romantic and sexual desires on venlafaxine?,speaker,3,"Thanks for the input, hopefully you are right. I wouldn't be too jealous, I am I woefully shy and socially awkward person so o still have kinds of hurdles :p",0.5831,positive,encouraging 310,depressed,Increased romantic and sexual desires on venlafaxine?,speaker,4,"The ones I remember are citlipran then tried escilipran and then fluoxitine, there were a few more but I'm bad at remembering names (Sorry if I misspelt the names)",-0.7647,negative,sympathizing 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,speaker,1,"Saudi Arabia is ready to invade Syria. Turkey is bombing YPG, forcing the YPG to attack Turkey, which will pull all of NATO into the Syrian conflict. East vs west again. World war III might break out soon. But I'm not worried. Not at all. I've grown up as a poor kid in a rich country. I remember as a kid I would dig through the trash for bottles as in my country there's a solution where you can put cans and bottles into a machine and it will give you a tiny, tiny bit of cash. I did this in the hope of having stuff that the other kids had. Allthrough my childhood I was bullied. I isolated myself. I've been through suicidal periods. But shit got better. My confidence has increased in the last two years. I've had a couple of girlfriends here and there and manage better socially. However I'm still lonely in many ways. My mother left me. I'm a poor student living alone. My family lives far away. One of my best friend has fucked up his life and I will likely never gain contact with him again. Worst of all. I lost the love of my life. I was a lonely idiot before I met her. I just wanted to drink my sorrows away. But she made everything better. She was the most important person of my life. I would be willing to die just to experience the first two months over again. Holding her in my arms. Feeling her soft lips touch mine. Laying next to her in bed at night, while she whispers ""I love you"". . She broke up with me. She suffers mentally. Stress problems. Flashbacks from an abusive childhood. Voices in her head. Problems with being too close to guys. She cried when breaking up. She told me she just needed to focus on getting healthy mentally. I accepted this. We're still friends, but don't see each other often. She got sort of mad at me when I texted her saying I missed her a couple of times. She said I was making it more difficult. So I stopped saying it (We still chat on facebook sometimes.) But, she was all I had. Now I have nothing. I miss her really fucking much. It's most likely guaranteed that we're not getting back together. I don't think she wants to. It has soon been 3 weeks since the breakup and I'm still depressed. All of my plans in life is ruined. I have few friends. My friends rarely want to hangout. Because they are boring idiots who would rather be in front of their TV or their computer all day. So, I have nothing. Just waiting for the world to end in a third world war / nuclear war. It would be a relief for so many, wouldn't it? Yes. I wouldn't have to go through this shit. Nor would I have to committ suicide. It could all be over. It would be so easy. Then finally we could all have peace. No more suffering. No more starvation. No more poverty. No more conflicts. ... And no more broken hearts.",-0.9955,negative,content 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,listener_1,2,Love is worth it even if it hurts a lot when it's gone. It's like when you get a puppy and you know the dog's only gonna live a few years but you love the dog anyway even though you know you will be in pain when the dog leaves you. But you don't decide love wasn't worth it just because you had to grieve. You don't wish the world would end so you wouldn't ever have to feel sadness and pain. At least I don't. But maybe some people would rather the world end than to have to endure their own feelings and thoughts. So be it.,-0.9519,negative,sad 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,speaker,3,"That was my purpose in life. But in a slightly different way. I wanted to fight oppressors, fight those exploiting poor working people in the third world. But my plans has been spolied now.",-0.9413,negative,faithful 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,listener_2,4,Spoiled for the moment. Not for your whole life,0.0,neutral,lonely 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,speaker,5,You're right. And thank you for reading my post at all and replying when I was really depressed. Shit just got a hell of a lot better. My girlfriend and I are back together and I'm high on happiness right now.,-0.6214,negative,grateful 311,depressed,Wouldn't it be good if the world ended right now?,listener_2,6,awsome!,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",speaker,1,"So, these past few weeks have been very rocky. I started cutting and people found out. I'm having a hard time though because people are frustrated with me for holding all my struggles in and not letting anyone in. I can't explain how in such a way that they can understand. I just feel so depressed. I don't want to talk to anyone, go anywhere, do anything...I just want to lay in bed all day and sleep and hopefully never wake up. I don't even want to eat anymore. People who care about me are frustrated and I guess I don't blame them. I feel like a burden. I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want them to feel responsible for me. I don't want them to have to think about me. I don't want to get them down with my depression. I wish I didn't have it. I wish it would go away. Some days I pretend it's not there and I smile and feel fake even though I'm hurting inside but people can't tell. I'd rather people think I'm normal and not struggling because I eel like when I open up to people they just look at me and think how messed up my life is. I just don't want anyone to worry about me. I'm scared because I can't talk to my parents. They think I'm doing great and if they were to find out otherwise, they would be angry. In their minds, it's all in my mind. Maybe it is...",-0.8874,negative,sad 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",listener_1,2,I get the same feeling too. Its easier to just wake up late to shorten the day and wait for night to come. It is in our head.,0.5106,positive,agreeing 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",speaker,3,And that part makes me feel crazy...,-0.34,negative,agreeing 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",speaker,4,It's okay...I just hope at least one person understands...,0.4404,positive,consoling 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",listener_2,5,"i understand you, but please dont try to hurt yourself. ",0.7659,positive,neutral 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",speaker,6,Thank you. I have been trying and though these past few days have been dark I'm okay to say that I've been feeling better and actually feel with the support I've received that there is hope for the future.,0.9081,positive,hopeful 312,depressed,"So depressed I want to sleep, forever and ever...",listener_2,7,"aww, good to hear your doing atleast a bit better. And i will hope, hope for you!",0.8977,positive,consoling 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,speaker,1,"I can't feel anything, I want to, but I can't . I have some sort of sense that my time is almost over, I'm not even worried about it. I don't care. It's like my eyes are glazed over. Who have I impacted? Have I done anything that actually matters? Who knows? I don't really care. I've been going to college and have no idea what i want to study, and I don't have any interest in studying anything, I want to join the ROTC program, maybe I'll feel something there. Maybe I'll die, -better alternative to killing myself. I've never felt God, or some ""supernatural"" thing. It seemed like everyone did at this conference I went to, but I felt absolutely nothing, though I wanted to feel something, anything. Cutting is a temporary fix and is stupid because people are going to see my scars, and I never want people to see. How do I get out? I hate waking up. I dont want to wake up. Yesterday I thought a car was coming right at us and we were going to hit at 60 mph, but I didn't care, no life flashed before my eyes, no thought to try and stop it, I wanted it to happen. But we didn't. And I'm confused as to why it is that I accepted it so easily. It's not like I don't have any emotions... I can't explain it. I'm not looking for the attention or sympathy, more insight from people with the same situation.",-0.9829,negative,sad 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,listener_1,2,"Don't worry about a vague sense that your time is almost over. It's just a thought and thoughts cannot be trusted and must not be taken too seriously. this becomes clear when we understand exactly what thought is and how it arises. Good for you for not worrying about it. >Have I done anything that actually matters? You can do things that matter to you. Once in a while, you might do something that matters to someone else. Can you do something that matters to all of the universe? Probably not. But so what? Good for you for not caring too much about this as well. If you don't want to study anything, college is a waste of time and money. Drop out asap. Why do you want to die????? Good for you not believing in things for no good reason. People shouldn't confuse themselves trying to understand their own inventions. another royal waste of time. Cutting never makes things better. Usually it leads to more pain. You want LESS pain. don't forget that. Why do you hate waking up? If you want insight into these things, look inward. Explore, investigate, learn, understand. It isn't easy but it is worthwhile. ",-0.9781,negative,questioning 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,speaker,3,">Why do you want to die????? I honestly don't entirely know, maybe it's that I see no future. I see no hope. I feel no happiness. Yes, there are friends, there is family, but I find myself KNOWING they won't understand. I couldn't even tell the person I loved. I feel like death may be the only thing left. >Why do you hate waking up? When you wake up, you know today will be no different, you go into the same routine. It's so hard to break out of routine when you are in college. Routine is actually a good thing in that standpoint.",-0.7994,negative,afraid 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,listener_1,4,"As for the future, you are not alone. We're living in precarious times in which there is violence, war, conflict, vast inequities, and a great deal of confusion. I'm old and I have never seen so much confusion before and it seems to be increasing. Young people are freaking out because there is no longer a sane social context in which to participate. No one needs to understand you but yourself. You must find some way to accept yourself as you are, warts and all and say ""well, it's not perfect, but it'll do"". When you make the decision to accept yourself *unconditionally* as you are right now, life gets a lot better almost instantaneously and a better life is what we all want. Regarding happiness. We cannot make ourselves happy by just willing it. We can't make ourselves feel joy or love when we do not. What we can do is remove the obstacles to happiness in our minds. There is no need for hope. Hope is foolish imo and unnecessary. Appreciation of what is ours right now makes more sense and leads to better outcomes right away. The second we are able to appreciate what we already have right now, hope for the future becomes far less important. Hope is for ingrates imo. You must be on your side and love yourself and if you do not you must work hard to find out why. Once you know, you will get passed those issues. Self understanding is the key to sanity and happiness. If you do not understand why you do what you do, why you want what you want and why you believe what you believe, your life will be very difficult and confusing. It matters far less if other people understand you. You must understand yourself. that is the most important thing for a sentient being to do. It takes a ton of time but there are insights and rewards all along the way. It has taken me decades but I am infinitely grateful every single day that I didn't die having known only the bad parts of being human and endured long enough to know the truly wondrous parts of being human in a spectacular universe. Death is NOT the only option. the patient acquisition of insight and wisdom is also an option. You are obviously intelligent. You must use your intelligence to acquire a profound understanding of the nature of self and of existence. It is an amazing thing to do. It is worth decades of suffering and uncertainty. Every single day is different. No one ever steps into the same river twice. Heraclitus said that and it is extremely profound and important to understand this. Nothing is an static, unchanging object in all of existence. Everything, including ourselves, are in a state of constant change. Everything is a process, not a static object. When you wake up tomorrow, it will be different. that is the only thing that's absolutely guaranteed. Are you suffering so terribly that you don't want to find out what you are? You don't want to know why you suffer and see if you can't discover a solution that will bring deep understanding of the human situation and happiness and sanity to yourself? I suffered horribly for most of my life. I was raised by a psychopath, literally. When I was your age, I was a junkie addicted to speedballs, shooting up and selling heroin. I suffered a lot but I endured for some reason. I didn't try to live long but I didn't try to die either. I came very close to dying on several occasions from ODing and had a cool near death experience but that's another story. I ended up knowing that to find a way to be happy, I had to know what I was and why I did what I did and why the thoughts that tortured me were in my brain and where they came from and on and on. I had to learn all about myself. I hated myself as much as a person can. I finally saw how idiotic, futile and useless that was so I investigated it. I asked myself ""can a brain really turn against itself, judge itself, condemn itself and hate itself?"" That did not seem quite right. I had to investigate more deeply. where do thoughts of self-hate come from? Why and when do they arise? What is their origin? I learned what thought is and how it operates. I learned about conditioning and how it can fuck a person up. If you don't know yourself and what drives you, why not find out? Why say ""fuck it I'm not happy enough"" and give up??????? How much pain are you in? And what exactly is causing it??????",-0.8112,negative,terrified 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,speaker,5,"I'm going to be completely honest. I have no clue how much pain I'm in, or if I'm in pain at all. Maybe I've subconsciously blocked it out. I'm inclined to think it was loneliness, but that's not that case. In high school I was the ""popular"" kid, which doesn't mean I didn't feel lonely, in fact, it made it worse. People expected so much from me and I hated it. So I said fuck it, and instantly lost my popularity, which is exactly what I wanted. That's the last time I remember feeling something, and knew who I was. I haven't felt necessarily lonely since then. Maybe I'm just tired. Maybe me not caring or feeling anymore is me accept the fact that, it's almost over. I don't even hate myself. I just hate where I am, and where it is it looks like I'm going, and that it doesn't look like I can change it. Maybe it's helplessness. Also, I'd like to say thank you for your kind words and advice, you are very well spoken. ",-0.7223,negative,lonely 313,depressed,I can't feel anything.,listener_1,6,"It's always best to be honest whenever possible. I wish you the best. You can't possibly know where you're heading. I hope it's interesting wherever it is you go. Make it so, if you can.",0.9638,positive,trusting 314,depressed,Coming out..,speaker,1,"Hello. My name is Jessica and I am 18 years old. Whether or not you choose to read this I say thank you to those who stay. I have started to have an eating disorder since the end of 7th grade. I was already suffering with a compulsive urge to stick myself with pushpins. My family deemed me the problem and I felt like it. No matter how much I tried it didn't work. So that's when I started throwing up. It was so hard at first but I felt better. Whenever I looked into the mirror I saw this fat piece of lard I couldn't stand. As the months past the purging got more frequent, so did the depth of my cuts. I transferred from pushpins to my first razor blade which I kept like a treasure. I wasn't hurting anyone, I was hurting myself because I deserved it. Arguing everyday. Crying. Screaming. Pressure. Pain. I watched my family be torn apart by my own presence. High school is when I got worse. Freshman year I dropped 20 pounds within a month. I started counting calories and steps and trying hard to keep it under 500. I finally got to 125, my original goal weight. It wasn't enough. I wanted to disappear...i kept going. I got a boyfriend and he saw the things ive done to myself. I am so unsure how he dealt with it...but I got worse...I couldn't stop. I punched my tummy until blood came up in my vomit. I hide bags of puke in my closet. I lied. I stole....I managed to try to get help, but it all backfired. They told me I couldn't be helped. I don't want to be here anymore. I ruined my relationship, I binge and purge everyday...and I gained so much in such a short time. I am now fasting. I wont stop....I am scared. I need help. My name is Jessica...I am 18...and I want to die. ",-0.9823,negative,ashamed 314,depressed,Coming out..,listener_1,2,"You already know the answer. You need help. Do it for yourself- do it to save your life. Based on what you described, you would best be helped by checking in as an in-patient into a recovery hospital. Don't worry what others think about- their opinions don't matter at all. The only thing that matters is you and saving your life, and making your life bearable and worth living. I've been hospitalized before, and even though they are much more strict with patients who self harm and those with eating disorders (shower curtains don't go to the floor so they can watch the drain), it will be all worth it if you can kind a hint of hope and can start slowly climbing out of this hell you are in each day. ",0.8917,positive,confident 314,depressed,Coming out..,speaker,3,I really do thank you for that. At the moment I am in a weird situation though. I am trying to figure out a college and my parents are threatening to kick me out. My insurance doesn't cover inpatient services as my doctor tried to get me into it before. I am kind of at a dead end and I am unsure where to turn. Thank you again though for your insight. I know I need help. It is just kind of hard to get it right now. This meant alot to me.,-0.6267,negative,grateful 314,depressed,Coming out..,listener_1,4,"you can check this option out >Some insurance plans consider residential treatment a separate level of benefits. If your policy does not have this level of coverage, your plan may allow you to “flex” inpatient days to cover residential care. As part of our screening, we obtain a quote of your insurance benefits and can verify if this is an option. but yes, I completely understand your situation. I am on Medicaid which does not allow for in-patient hospitalization. But I have been sick for so long, my parents keep a separate emergency fund for this purpose, so I realize I am lucky in that aspect. Try to find support online as well. Find people in your situation and talk to them just for general comradery. There are the subreddits /r/StopSelfHarm and /r/EatingDisorders and /r/eatingdisorderhope. You are in a shitty place- actually wanting to get help but not knowing where to turn. I wish I could give you more advice, but the most I can do is to tell you I read your story and you took a very brave first step in even presenting your story to the world, even if it is anonymously. There are two stickied posts at the top of this subreddit with lots of resources. They are mainly for depression, but you may find some things in there you find helpful for you. ",0.9176,positive,agreeing 315,depressed,my Story; anyone got advice ?,speaker,1,"hey there, if there is anyone... I´m 18/M and i could need some advice, maybe some sort of motivation but idk... anyway, i´m just gonna start... Í am depressed, for more then 7 years now... it started with getting bullied in school, i was arrogant and extremly aggressive, bad combination for a kid...due to this i quit most my favorite Sports, did not have any friends there anymore, nothing worked, nobody helped... this was the time i started my first therapy, but my therapist could´n´t help me, i was lying to her all the time, she never realized this and let me go after a while believing i was ""fine""... I started having thoughts about killing myself, the day i had planned my suicide, i just... couldn´t do it... i never knew what hold me back from jumping, but i didn´t die that day...I started talking to myself, not just saying things out loud, but pretending like there was another mind in my brain, we had long discussion... until i started screaming at him to shut the hell up... i don´t know how this helped me, but after a week feeling like shit, he was quiet... i traveled to the U.S. as an Exchange Student for a year, hoping i could use this time to recover, and maybe my bullies would have forgotten me, when i come back... It didn´t help me... i was alone with my guest mother... she was highly depressed, her son had died in a car acciedent, and her man left me...Had to deal with this for the whole year, unable to talk to my parents that never seemed to care about me anyway...neither did my few friends... no one responded, or called...but school there was fine, so i managed to atleast not give up again, eve when my gf there cheated on me, i kept telling myelf that i would be able to overcome this... i´m back and i have changed, over the last 2 years i got quite popular at school, but no one i could ever consider a friend... my old friends all kinda left,the one, that i thought would understand me, and knew me, left without notice... that´s when i started my second therapy, paid with my own money from my part-time Job, never told my parents...didn´t helped, maybe because i stopped going there after a while... Now Things have changed again, i found something to achieve, i knew i would Need to get out of school fast, and if possible, leave my parents house, maybe even the Country... i couldnt stand talking to them or my sister... i´m scared about my brother, but i can´t help him anymore, can´t even help myself... November 26th, it started again, i was completly exhausted from fighting, and he took over, the voice in my head... and i didn´t even noticed it...2 weeks later the best thing happened to me... this was the best day of this year, maybe even of my life... I got accepted as a paratrooper... i was going to be a soldier... and i could drop out of school, 1 year earlier then planned... That day it happened... i told my parents that i got accepted...i knew they hated it, but i thought they would atleast accept my decision... they did not, my mother raged about me being a worthless, dumb...but what really hit me was my father´s respond...""u realize u still have to study for school right ?"" i always respected my father, he was still the most important Person in my life,... this may seem like nothing, and he actually already said he was embarrassed... But this... i realized he wasn´t just embarrassed, he thought of me like a dumb, ignorant child... that i lost his respect long ago...how such a good day can turn to shit in a matter of seconds... Then i planned it... my suicide ... January the 7th... i had everything planned out, my last wish, what would happen if i failed, but fall into coma or smth... i prepared my room, my letter, the gas i would use ....At the same time i somehow got into another therapy... this therapist noticed it, but couldnt help... And that day... again, my old, buried voice cam back once again, and screamed myelf down...my therapist managed to find out about my suicide attempt and forced me to go to some Hospital, to make sure i was unable to hurt myself... i got out withing days, i told the doctor there, that i was just joking, that i made everything up... idk even know why... I can´t do a therapy, i just don´t trust People... i dont have any friends that could help my parents hate me my sister is just ... my brother couldn´t help... i have to help him with everything, take care of everything, i can´t let him deal with all of this... Motivational shit doesn´t help... i have like a thousand Pictures, quotes, etc on my phone... Yes, i can still be a paratrooper, i can finally do what i always wanted to do... but i can´t deal with all of this... i dont even know why i post this here, or if anyone can or even would want to help...i dont trust anyone...5 months... i Need to hang on for 5 months.... but i don´t even know if i can do this for another 5 hours,,, I always thought i would consider myself weak if i would do this, but ... please... help me... ",-0.9955,negative,suggesting 315,depressed,my Story; anyone got advice ?,listener_1,2,"hey guy, people wanna help you. They really do, i wanna help you! I really do, but suicide wont do anything but harm to the people who love you. If you wanna talk about life or anything else, im here to talk. ",-0.6355,negative,neutral 315,depressed,my Story; anyone got advice ?,speaker,3,"Why do u care? Because u dont want anyone to commit suicide ? Because u dont want anyone to die ? Because every one else pretends like they care ? Because acting like you care about that is the only socially accepted thing u can do ? No offense, but I heard people tell me they care...no one was able to prove that... I always feel like people only care because i am human and u should care about the life of others...but no one cares about me, the man behind this text, behind my face... Why would anyone care about me, as a Person not a human. ",0.95,positive,jealous 315,depressed,my Story; anyone got advice ?,listener_1,4,"because i feel sorry for you, i have a big heart and wants you to have a better life. ",0.7783,positive,sympathizing 315,depressed,my Story; anyone got advice ?,speaker,5,... Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 316,depressed,I'm so fucking sad.,speaker,1,"It's long but please read. I feel like a shitty daughter. Actually I am a shitty daughter, a shitty friend, a shitty person, I'm just overall shitty. Recently, I bought concert tickets to see the band Ghost. The event is in 3 months but its all I can think about. Like they're my favorite band, since 2009. I'm finally 18 with a job that pays well enough to actually go out and do shit, I don't have to ask my parents or anything because I moved out already. As being excited goes, it's all I talk about, and I feel I can't help it. It's all I have to look forward to, I don't have many friends or much of a social life. So when I hang out with the only two friends I have, that is what comes out of my mouth. It makes me feel shitty because it's the same topic every time. I can see the interest leave their eyes when I speak. On feeling like a shitty daughter, that goes back to when my dad and I got into a huge fight in July. My father, the man who walked out of my life when I was little, strolled back in saying that he's ""changed"" and no longer the drug addicted narcissistic abusive asshole he was when I was young and needed a father. I was happy that he changed because he was proving it. He socialized with my grandparents (who I lived with during high school) on a kind level when it used to be screaming matches. He even went to my graduation with them and sat beside them. My mom couldn't come because she was violently sick. I felt like I had a father for once. He spent time with me, bought me stuff, taught me how shoot a gun, normal daughter-father things that I completely missed out on. One night I was laying in bed, on Facebook, and I decided to change my profile picture to me with my friends at the time. His comment: wish you'd get some friends who didn't look like idiots. I defended them, they were my friends after all, and that just made things worse. He flipped out, calling me a failed abortion, saying how I ruined his life, how I'll never amount to anything in life, stupid, worthless, mistake. I told him to fuck off, blocking him, and then he started calling and texting me. I ignored most of it and the last voicemail he left me was at 3:23 in the morning saying ""Hey I'm sorry for saying that shit. Sorry not sorry, you fucking mistake."" It absolutely devastated me. If I had just deleted his comment before my friends saw the argument, I would still have my dad in my life. But I chose my friends, who said that I was just ""too depressed"" for them a week later and left me, over my own father. I feel fucking worthless. Like, I could've just ignored it but I made it into a big ordeal. I'm constantly depressed over the smallest things, a boy not liking me to my friends not being able to hang out, to not having any followers on tumblr. Stupid, I know. But I want to be noticed. For once. Everything puts me in a depression all because I'm a shit person. I feel like I have nobody when I do, I do have people who love me and care for me, but my brain is wired to where I just don't recognize affection and care. Please give me advice on what I can do to not be a pile of shit person.",-0.9979,negative,excited 316,depressed,I'm so fucking sad.,listener_1,2,"your noticed by me, and no your not a bad daughter. If you wanna talk im here.",0.1655,positive,agreeing 316,depressed,I'm so fucking sad.,speaker,3,Thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 316,depressed,I'm so fucking sad.,speaker,4,Sure bruh,0.3182,positive,agreeing 317,depressed,Feeling overwhelmed..,speaker,1,"Just feeling really overwhelmed right now... My mom has cancer and it's spreading all over her body. The doctors never give us all the info, I think they want u to focus on the present, but I hate not knowing whats going to happen. She's been Sick for almost three now and we've been put through an emotional roller coaster. They already told us once it was cured but they changed their story as it's now in 3 new spots. :( I just started a new job and it's horribly stressful. My boss is so mean and he loves to freak out at people and scream. Sometimes he's really happy and joking around and then a few minutes later he's just angry. He's condescending, rude, dehumanizing. He's at least twice my age and sometimes i feel like he's checking me out or even flirting with me and it just feels gross. :/ I feel like I'm drowning in student loans and I'll never be able to get ahead in life. I had to move out of my parents home sooner than I was able to save up a reasonable amount because my mom started saying awful things to me.. I had an eating disorder growing up and I feel like I've never fully recovered. I either eat too much or too little still. I tell people my going vegan is all about the animals and such but truthfully i know deep down inside it's because I need some kind of constant control over my diet, and calorie counting makes me hate myself even more, so at least being vegan i have some restrictions still and it's easier to manage... I know I'm not fat now but I wish I was skinny enough that I looked sick. I feel like a failure because I'm a ""normal"" weight. I love my Boyfriend but I'm afraid to tell him. I'm afraid he won't say it back or he doesn't say love me. I'm afraid if I say it first I'll never believe him if he says it back, I'll think he's just saying it to keep his life easy. because how could anyone really love me? I have a lot of anger towards my family for raising me religious and home schooling me an isolating me. And at my mother for forcing me to wear makeup at the age of 7 and making me feel ugly, and calling me ugly when I was anorexic and for not letting me go to therapy because she thought they would make her look like a bad mother in my eyes and make me hate her. I'm mad at her for smoking for 20 years and giving herself cancer. i'm mad at her for being weak and making herself look strong to her friends online then crying to me all the time. I'm mad at my parents for having more kids then they could afford and for having to get at job at 15 and help them pay THEIR bills and never being able to save money. I'm mad at her for always driving to visit my sister but having only stepped in my house once or twice in the two years I've been moved out despite invitations. Sometimes my one comfort in the day is if I just end my life I won't have to feel this way and I won't be in debt anymore. because i want to get married and have kids someday but i don't think i'll ever be able to afford it. I miss my best friend but she moved back to her country and I just wan her here with me. :( ",-0.9911,negative,anxious 317,depressed,Feeling overwhelmed..,listener_1,2,"I don't have anything to say in response, just wanted to let you know that you've been heard. ",0.0,neutral,sympathizing 317,depressed,Feeling overwhelmed..,speaker,3,Thank you. I had a good day today. I tried to put all of this out of my mind and focus on a project today. I'm trying not to think about going back to work tomorrow. :/,0.4588,positive,hopeful 318,depressed,"If life is what you make, I'm the worse architect ever to live.",speaker,1,"My best friend in the world died. Nobody at my job likes me. If I wasn't good at it they would have fired me already. I know they hate me. My FamIlya hates me. I have no friends. And that's the tip of the iceberg. I have ptsd and my temper flares for no reason uncontrollably. I can't open up ton anybody anymore because everyone I open up to just ends up hating me. I understand I have issues. It's OK I promise I'm ok. The only person that cares is my wife, and she's so amazing there's no words for it. But even i can't open up to her. I wish I could but her mentality makes it hard she doesn't deserve the honesty of my fucked up mentality. She would resent me for everything. I talked to my boss once trying to see if I was okay and everyone was okay with me, I tried to connect and be his friend as he goes drinking and plays poker, and knows everyone's family's on first name basis except mine. So I try to make a connection actually make a friend, and he tells me if I need someone to talk to people get paid to do that and our company would pay for it. Thanks for making me feel like an outcast and making it clear you don't want to be my friend. Thanks for having the sympathy and pitty not to write me up when I've been late and when I went to get cigarettes and it took me 45 minutes to get back. You have been a good person to me and I don't know if it's because you feel bad that I don't have anybody and you know I just want a friend or if you do it because I've had a rough last year with my wife getting a cancer diagnosis after having 2 surgeries, my best friend dying, the car wrecks, my car getting stolen, and everything that you have watched me miss work to try and keep my life together. I am honestly thankful. I'm thankful for all my coworkers for at least being decent to me. I'm thankful my in-laws actually try to show me they care. I know I'm annoying and your hoping I'm a phase your daughter gets over. I hope so too. She deservesaid so much better than me. My best friend died she had a million friends. I would do anything to trade her places. She actually had a purpose and a reason to wake up. I have lost everything. And now I sit here writing this, hoping one person takes the time to read my woes. To those who read my woes thank you.",0.9968,positive,sad 318,depressed,"If life is what you make, I'm the worse architect ever to live.",listener_1,2,"I cant really help you, but remember that people always care about you. Even if you dont think they do.",0.5518,positive,neutral 318,depressed,"If life is what you make, I'm the worse architect ever to live.",speaker,3,">I cant really help you, but remember that people always care about you. Even if you dont think they do. This is very true. After reading this and blowing your comment off, my boss actually made the connection and is helping me tremendously. Life does get better sometimes sharing does help even if you feel like it doesn't. Thank you kind sir.",0.9614,positive,grateful 318,depressed,"If life is what you make, I'm the worse architect ever to live.",listener_1,4,"thank you for telling me this, it really made my day!",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 319,depressed,I'm a loser,speaker,1,I don't feel that I am very smart. I don't feel I am very interesting or compelling. I don't think I am attractive at all. I am also a complete loser. I am 21 years old. I live at home. I didn't go to college. I've never had a job and don't have one now. I can't drive and don't have a car. And I've been to rehab. All I do all day is sit on the internet and talk to strangers and get stoned or drunk and chain smoke cigarettes. I really hate myself and I wish I were dead. ,-0.3277,negative,ashamed 319,depressed,I'm a loser,listener_1,2,How do you afford cigs and pot? Stop beating yourself up. Get offline get up and try to keep yourself busy with anything. Don't let this become worse. ,-0.8316,negative,angry 319,depressed,I'm a loser,speaker,3,Thank you this is one of the nicer messages I've gotten.,0.6597,positive,grateful 320,depressed,chronic depressive,speaker,1,"I've been suffering with this feeling as of late. This feeling that I don't really matter.. What's the point of doing anything? Normally feeling invisible would be a comfort. I earnestly believe we are truly free when we are not noticeable. It is when we are in the spotlight that our limitations become apparent. That is not how I am feeling now. I recently quit a job (which was great feeling!), but came to discover my old boss hired 4 people to replace me. Sure, that's a compliment in itself (4 people to replace the work of 1? Really?!), but when I asked him to share some of their work with me (I am friends with my old boss, still) what he shared was just.. shit. And I realized.. I never really brought anything to the table. Sure, I am great at what I do -- the field I am in, I am wonderful -- but no one cares. No one cares about what I offer. What I bring to the table is irrelevant. The company I worked for didn't see more success when they hired me on because of ME. It just saw a growth in revenue because.. it just did. It had nothing to do with me and I previously thought that what I was doing there actually made a difference. And it never did. In the big scheme of things, that job didn't matter. It was just a financial filler while I worked toward my ultimate passion: Higher Education. I got another job as an adjunct and I love it. I've been teaching for the better part of 7 years now, but have yet to land that full-time position I've been adamantly seeking. So now, in conjunction with the recent discovery about my past employer, I'm questioning the path I am on and whether or not I actually fit the mold. Because I don't think I do. I've my entire adult life (almost 15 years) going in a direction that I, for the first time, don't think is right for me. I WANT to do this, but I'm starting to realize.. I'm not cut out for it. I'm NOT the person for the job. I don't fit the role. And I don't know what to do about it. I'm not stupid, or lazy, or have a low self-esteem and I definitely don't lack confidence or drive. But.. I am feeling ignored, unappreciated, and above all else, pretty damn hopeless. What is the point? What is the fucking point of any of this?? I was diagnosed with chronic depression years ago when I was still in college. That's fine and dandy.. like.. whatever. Who cares. I'm just wondering if this is my lovely depressive self coming back into play or if I really just need to change direction in my life. I think I just need someone to acknowledge my plight without telling me how to fix it or that I am being a defeatist or that I've got nothing to complain about because everyone else has it so much worse than I do. I just need someone to cry with me. For what it's worth, thanks for reading. ",0.9894,positive,lonely 320,depressed,chronic depressive,listener_1,2,"seems to me you're just tired and need a long, long break, or a significant change of interest.",0.2263,positive,neutral 320,depressed,chronic depressive,speaker,3,"I appreciate you telling me about the issues with higher education. I have been reading about this as well -- frustrating news for sure. I do love what I am doing -- teaching. I find it fulfilling and enjoyable and for the most part, when I am in front of my class lecturing, or when I am working with my students one-on-one, I forget about all this other shit flooding my head. When I am there, I feel like I am living. But I've only been hired on for the semester and it ends in April. There's no indication I'll be offered a class again. Such is the job, I suppose. Maybe I am being defeatist about it, but I also know I can't count on anything until it is literally in my hand. This is the first semester I have taught at this particular university, so I'm completely blind on what to expect. On that note, I also teach online and have been doing so for 5 years as an adjunct (and have applied multiple times for full time status). I feel like this is turning into a complaint and I am not meaning it to be. I appreciate your commentary and it does make me feel somewhat better to essentially hear, ""It is not you, it's them"" even though it's something I've been hearing for as long as I can remember (that and ""Maybe you aren't dressing right"" hahahaha!) I'm still feeling sad, broken, and hopeless otherwise. But I do appreciate the commentary. ",-0.5671,negative,content 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",speaker,1,"Hello, my boyfriend is having emotional/mental problems and i have no idea what to do. Backstory- we are dating for 2 years now. and i have to say he is the sweetest, caring, taking care of my pets like babies/telling me i am beautiful every day kind of guy. but the problems stem from a completely different side. even before we got together i found out he hates his own apperance. a lot. he sometimes can't stand looking at himself nor can he tolerate a mirror. thats why he keeps saying the people who do like themselves are narcissists and that he only cares about the personality. which, ofcourse is very noble of him but sprouts from an unhealthy relationdship whith himself. when we got together he had controlling inlssues by suspecting I could be cheating on him because he found all the other guys to be 'better'or atleast compettitors to him. we slowly worked that out and he is now calm and never worries about that anymore, which is a good sign that he is working on issues and does not want to lose me. but the other problems prevail. They can basically be summed up by that -he finds that he can't understand other people, that they will let him down, that even his friends betray him and prefer other friends to him and that the people are superficial animalistic beings that constantly let him down. and this shows in a horrific way, especially - and always- when he gets drunk. his face litterally turns dark and his grimace reflect anger pain dispair and agression. he sometimes quietly sits in dark and says nothing but when he does the things get nasty. He does that on parties (which we rarely attend so the drinking itself happens very rarely). It mostly shows when we go camping together (with a crew of HIS friends, mind you) and he is unable to be happy for those 5 annual days of friendly students having fun together at a camp site. Which boggles my mind. he says he doesnt understand people and their jokes, he constantly fears that he is being put down by the humour he is unable to process(as he says). he then gets agressive, cursing viciously fist punching things loudly cursing us and all the things around. the most painful thing is that in those moments his old nature comes back - all people are evil and i can ONLY COUNT ON MYSELF. the vicious behaviour is targeted at me aswell. i let him down, he's ""heard everyrhing we were saying about him"" and ""he can and will do everything for him self, i should leave him be"". he does not let me hug him he gets furious if i help him. he does not take me as his friend at those moments, the other pillar of his world like i do. he takes me as one of them, the people that made fun of him, that dont believe kn him and that let him down. he shows it also is my fault (when i ask him about it when hes acting like that, he does not tell me directly but lets out an evil grin and a belittlng sigh). and it hurts me to the point i feel my heart break every time. i beg him to behave and not to act this way towards me, that i cant handle it. I already have a disfunctional alcoholistic family (being 20 i still live with them. but he acts as he just cant help it, deal with it kind of response. when he gets sober he is not all that apologetic. he does not remember half of it, and as always, he is 100% sure he has a great memory and remembers it all('i can always rely on MY own senses' 'alone) he keeps saying he heard us say stuff treat him bad, that i am blowing it out of proportions, asking me ""do you really think i am that bad??"" ""if i am that horrible leave me and let me spend my life in solitude, nobody cares about me"" so when i get him to the edge of confrontation he dismisses it by being so self hating ""i know im horrible; i dont deserve you, just leave, i hate myself too"".. that he is just unable to get better because instead of finding solutions his self hate gets even worse. he once agreed to see a professional but later didnt do it because he is working really hard in college for excellent grades and he 'doesnt have time' and in my heart, i feel like i've gotten through atleast 4 breakups. I love him so much, my heart literally aches and i cant reach him in this dark haze. i would want him to find a proffesional help but in my country i know there are a lot of shit ones and i am so afraid that if they let him down, its over. He gets self hating instead of constructive in time of his worst he does not let me close but starts relying only on his ""betrayed self"" and gets agressive. he does not trust his friends and he doesnt take me as a part of the team. he just needs his alone time he says (which hurts me) but even when i do that hecomes back agressive and sad. but let me remember you, every day when he is not drinking(340/356days a year) nor out with friends he is just the best boyfriend a girl could have. he is caring, has high morals, cherishes me, is so proud of my achievements, tells me im the best thats happened to him, tells me im beautiful, comestome every weekend from.the other side of the town helps me with my horrific family by spending time with my brother, helps me cook clean do all of the 'furniture construction' things, suddles me all the time, goes out of his way to tell me that i should have alone time with my friends (completely worked out the jelousy issue) and tells me i cannot understand how blessed he is to finally have someone like me, someone who understands him and has high morals like he does. he really is the sweetest ""teddy bear"" kind of character. note also he never any kind of physichally hurt me! i truly believe he loves me and his problems all stem from some dark side of his mind that he is unable to work out because of his crippling self esteem and at the same time the feeling he can only trusts himself. love him more than my own life and i want to help him, but at those moments he just takes us all as his enemies. please help me, what should i do?",0.9365,positive,devastated 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",listener_1,2,"hmm... tell him that you are worried for him, and give him lots of hugs. And tell him that he looks good, and give him more hugs!",0.8264,positive,acknowledging 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",speaker,3,"well I have no idea what that is or how to do it, I come here in the time of desperation and I am sure people can understand my frustrationd and helplessness",-0.5994,negative,agreeing 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",listener_2,4,"I removed this person's comments. They were unnecessarily rude. You are welcome to post in as many subreddits as you like looking for help. In the future, though, it does help to get more responses when you do use paragraphs. When there is a wall of text with no breaks, it can be overwhelming and discourage people from taking the time to read it and comment. Your boyfriend does need professional help, though. You can do research online to check out the therapists first. I know you have a fear of them letting him down, but this is not something you can deal with alone. From what you describe, he sounds like he has borderline personality disorder, though I'm not making an online diagnosis. Clearly his problems are more than you can continue to handle, and he needs help too to make his life easier to live, so right now finding a professional path is going to be your best option. Otherwise things will only get worse. ",0.8689,positive,annoyed 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",speaker,5,"because i really need help and if reddit works like other forums, well, the subforums are separate from eachother and people, able to advise me, do not all follow all of those",0.7635,positive,neutral 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",speaker,6,that is correct,0.0,neutral,agreeing 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",listener_3,7,this actually works amazingly well I gotta say I always feel safe in my datemate's arms and they just tell me I'm beautiful and perfect till I'm happy,0.9485,positive,trusting 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",listener_4,8,"Dude, stop it. You're being mean for no reason.",-0.5267,negative,angry 321,depressed,"My boyfriends moods, please help me!",listener_1,9,good to hear that :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 322,depressed,should i be hurt?,speaker,1,"my husbands brothers fiance (i guess my future sister in law) recently had a miscarriage. I went with my husband today to the hospital to be supporitive of him. he was going to see the baby. Time comes, and he ends up going alone. I didnt want to wait inside. i went out the the car and after a long time of waiting i got tired and just came home. i feel like he didnt want me to be there and my feelings are hurt:(",-0.7387,negative,lonely 322,depressed,should i be hurt?,listener_1,2,It's understandable why you feel hurt. You showed care and wanted to be part of this but in the end was left out. I have relapsed numerous times (it's my number 1 problem) over other people going out without me. Confront your husband about this. Tell him that you felt left out at that moment and want to be his partner in life (this is judging from just this post). He'll understand.,-0.2437,negative,agreeing 322,depressed,should i be hurt?,speaker,3,"thank you for replying with your opinion. I did end up letting him know I was hurt by it, and he realized it was mean and apologized. He said he didn't mean to do that, because his parents just told him ""go see the baby cmon go"" & he thought he was in a hurry and didn't know what was going on and had alot of shit on his mind and didnt think of inviting me so he just left. I was still like umm okay I just don't see how he didn't think of just being like hey wanna come? real quick. but i just let it go. the next day I did go with him to see her. ",0.0948,positive,neutral 322,depressed,should i be hurt?,listener_1,4,"Well, at least you're looking at it from the bright side!",0.6476,positive,acknowledging 323,depressed,Help?,speaker,1,"I don't know anymore I'm so angry and stressed out that it's becoming an issue with my health, everything seemed to happen at once and it's too much for me. I have already attempted to take my own life but was unfortunately caught. Nobody quiet understands how badly I just want to give up on life every day I hope and pray that something will happen so i will die. My parents asked y and ask what's going through my head and I just can't explain to ANYONE, I myself don't even know what's wrong with me all I know is I can't take it. Every night I have been crying myself to sleep I take long showers and cry in there, I never cry in front of others I don't know how to explain how I feel so I don't show it. Something is seriously wrong and I don't know how to fix it. I was a straight A student and my grades are dropping, an amazing soccer player, now I don't even want to play. I used to be fun and funny and just cool to hang out with nownim always quiet and sad. Im just tired of the lies, everyone or thing I love being taken away from me. I'm really just done .",-0.8705,negative,devastated 323,depressed,Help?,listener_1,2,It sounds like clinical depression. Do you have a school counselor you can go to and ask about doctors and therapists? ,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 323,depressed,Help?,speaker,3,"I go to therapy once a month but I am still crying and stressed out. School has gotten to the point where I want to stab myself instead of got another day, everything is piling up. Between school, sports, and what's going in life, killing myself honestly seems like the best option",-0.7227,negative,sad 323,depressed,Help?,listener_2,4,"This is me right now...i can not possibly imagine how u feel nor will i give shitty advice, so u feel better ... I don't know how much shit u have to deal with so... 1. what are ur plans? How long will u have to stay in school ? What do u want to do afterwards? 2. after u figured that, prepare everything that helps u achieve this 3. somehow stay alive to get there... This is not something i can help you with, but i trust u can do it...u posted here, that means u didnt give up... U can do it.. Trust urself I will drop out of school in 5 months, i got the job i wanted, and i leave the country to never see my parents or siblings again... Think about 1 thing that u want to do before u die... Do It. Trust urself, not the voice in ur head... ",0.8451,positive,agreeing 324,depressed,Its never going to heal,speaker,1,"I get told all the time to let go of the past, and love my life as it is now. But I cant. The damage done by the past is permanent and its going to be time for another suicide attempt soon.",-0.2978,negative,devastated 324,depressed,Its never going to heal,listener_1,2,"no no no, never let go of the past, learn from it, remember it and in some cases cherish the memories that you can never make again but never let it go. you can never really let things go, best you can do is adjust and figure out new ways to see things, and feel things. please dont do anything to hurt yourself",0.7502,positive,consoling 324,depressed,Its never going to heal,listener_2,3,"A saying someone tells me when I feel upset is ""All things pass."" whether that is feeling angry, depressed, whatever. It will pass. ",-0.8271,negative,sad 325,depressed,My best friend who I have never met died 10 days ago. I didn't know.,speaker,1,This year was coming along so well for me. I was finally happy. The last time he ever messaged me was at 4:42 AM on the 16th of this month. He wanted to talk to me. I was asleep. I didn't see his message. I woke up 2 hours later. TWO. I got a message from his mother last night saying he'd passed a week ago. I have Depersonalisation Disorder and right now I don't even feel like any of this is happening. I am convinced that it's not true. I'm waiting for the gravity of this situation to make its impact and when it does I KNOW it's going to be ugly. I will never recover from this. How do you grieve for somebody you've never met..?,-0.4406,negative,devastated 325,depressed,My best friend who I have never met died 10 days ago. I didn't know.,listener_1,2,The same way you grieve for anyone else who played a part in your life and whose loss you will feel for some time after this. The difference in not having met a person is that you lack the social support of those also grieving the loss of the same person. Find a grief support group. Find people where you can talk about your feelings of how this affecting you and don't try to go through it alone. ,-0.8481,negative,lonely 325,depressed,My best friend who I have never met died 10 days ago. I didn't know.,speaker,3,"Yes, this makes sense. I'll try to get in touch with a support group, thank you~",0.7845,positive,acknowledging 326,depressed,night time thoughts,speaker,1,"What the fuck am i doing with my life , honestly what the fuck. ",-0.6124,negative,ashamed 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_1,2,Procrastinating it away like a lot of us...,0.3612,positive,jealous 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_2,3,A respectable opinion but not one that is right for everyone I think. ,0.2382,positive,neutral 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_3,4,Interesting way to think... But why ? What makes living so important ? Is staying alive just for the sake of living really a way to live ?,0.8334,positive,questioning 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_4,5,"Life is strange and mysteriously wondrous when you don't fuck it up with ideas about it. Every night I go out and wander around the mountain with the dogs, amazed at the Milky Way above. There is no void.",0.4678,positive,joyful 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_4,6,No one has ever called one of my opinions respectable before. I'm not sure how to feel.,-0.0675,negative,impressed 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_2,7,"Feel good I think? :D Honestly not worth talking to people who refuse to at least acknowledge your opinion and its merits, at the very least why you might think like that. Too many times I have started debating about something with someone, before realising they're not interested in debating just repeating their argument over and over. ",0.8181,positive,apprehensive 326,depressed,night time thoughts,listener_4,8,Most of us don't know how to listen. We miss a lot because of it. Fortunately some do. Thanks.,0.3182,positive,grateful 326,depressed,Feeling Empty,listener_5,1,"Getting to a point where I can't hold one. Have a loving wife, house, and well paying job. Debt is in control and not a real issue. I am a little overweight but not badly. Every day I feel a little worse. I wear a mask that none see, hiding my needs. I have nobody to talk with and cannot do so for fear of loosing my job opportunities as I work with controlled technologies; people worry when ""sad folk"" can make certain things. Surprising how difficult it is to even write this after holding this in for so long but I feel I need to get this little bit out as I stopped even letting myself has scissors at my desk. Not sure how much more empty I can feel and still feel.",-0.9201,negative,ashamed 326,depressed,Feeling Empty,listener_6,2,"You need to seek out professional health. There's no reason why it would impact your job opportunities as health is confidential. In any case, if you are worried enough to keep scissors out of your immediate reach then potential affects on future job opportunities should not be in the forefront of your mind right now. It should be finding ways to get help before you reach the point of being in danger of committing suicide. ",-0.5994,negative,apprehensive 326,depressed,Feeling Empty,listener_7,3,"Of course mental health impacts your job opportunities. Bell Mobility - advertisers of Let's Talk mental health - laid off my husband (manager with 25 years experience) during his suicidal depression for the anxiety & panic attacks he couldn't control without medication he needed. It was diagnosed by his doctors as an ongoing recovery process, but the job didn't wait for recovery. F Bell",-0.775,negative,devastated 326,depressed,Feeling Empty,listener_6,4,"that's illegal under the Americans with Disabilities Act, I don't know what the situation in Canada would be, though. I don't think hypocrisy is enough of a word to use towards Bell Mobility, given all the praise they've gotten for their apparent stigma busting campaign. Personally, if I were you, I would have made this story public so they can stop benefiting from their seemingly genuine attempts to normalize mental health while demonizing it within their company. ",-0.3535,negative,agreeing 326,depressed,Feeling Empty,listener_7,5,Bell didn't offer any sympathy & what does fighting publicly accomplish beyond advertising his personal struggle that took months to even stabilize. Here is my anonymous shout into the void at how shitty Bell handled internal mental health issues with their own employees - how many companies still handle mental health issues with their employees...,-0.7724,negative,furious 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,1,Ok.. so im depressed and i've been sad and lonley for over 8 years and about 2 years back i decided to kill myself and i did. i was gone for 75 min is what the nurse told me when someone found me... i need help i cant stop thinking about killing myself everyday. and i day dream about 4-6hrs a day even tho i like it its like the only thing i hold close to me at this point and whats stoping me from killing myself. sorry if its is abit hard to understand im drunk..,-0.9402,negative,sad 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_1,2,"That's a tough road, I'm sorry you've been dealing with this for so long. There are always people who care and don't want to see you go, even if they are just strangers over the internet. Alive you always have the chance to find something you love and find a way to be happy. If you aren't around then you will never get that chance. We love you, there is always a way out, you just have to hang in there. ",0.9527,positive,sympathizing 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,3,i want to but its been for 8 years and its only getting worse for me.. i want to keep going but it seems useless at this point of my life..,-0.8047,negative,neutral 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,4,im 37 and a nurse... Eddit 27*,0.0,neutral,agreeing 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,5,"i want to but i feel like im being draged down.. even tho i have a decent job, i feel like im just missing something im my life.. and im at the point were i just want to daydream instead of getting up of bed",0.6486,positive,sad 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_2,6,I did 1 year of nursing school but ended up being a CNA. Being either 27 or 37 does not seem like sufficient reason to want to end one's life. What is causing you so much pain?,-0.7954,negative,questioning 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_1,7,"Nothing anyone says here or elsehwhere is going to flip that switch and turn that sadness off. We aren't you and we don't know what your experiences are like, but I do know that happiness is something you earn. Just keep working to find that thing that gives you a reason to stay alive. I do want to say a thank you, if not for nurses like yourself my daughter wouldn't have made it. I know that doesn't mean much, but I know your life is worth it and I hope you find that soon as well.",0.9583,positive,grateful 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,8,"i've been alone for a while now. like a long while, none in at my work even talks to me, even tho im really nice, i think.. i just feel like when i get the pappers to buy a gun im gonna end my life.. i just feel so lost",0.1783,positive,lonely 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,9,"i've been alone my whole life and i feel like its just my time to go, i have noothing that keeps me going..",0.128,positive,lonely 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,10,"i have literally 0 friends.. i dont know why i can't talk to people, i've always been alone in that way, i dont know how to thank you for your support, it means alot to me for some reason",0.743,positive,lonely 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_3,11,"No problem! There ARE actually more supportive people like me out there. It's up to us to try to find them. I suggest following your interests and see where it leads. If you like art, join a local art group for example. http://www.meetup.com is a great start. Don't take it too seriously, just attend some local meetups and see what happens. All the best, my friend. Don't let your mind tell you it's hopeless; you gotta overcome those thoughts and be the one who decides these things, not random negative thoughts. Take care :)",0.9826,positive,wishing 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_2,12,"When I was 37, I was one year clean off heroin and trying to climb out of a deep hole full of confusion and depression and mental illness. I had done my last dose in August of '96 (yes, I'm old) and didn't know how to live happy without drugs. But I was at a turning point. At least I'd found out for certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that drugs don't make life happier. At all. I had learned something. the hard way, as usual but I'd learned. I had been alone for most of my life and loneliness had contributed to my love of heroin. When I was on it, I felt normal and fearless and loving and since I'd never felt that way before, it was irresistible. I'm saying this to urge you not to despair. A person can start over anytime and there's nothing wrong with that. Life is NOT a process of ever increasing progress. One learns, changes constantly, hopefully finds out how to enjoy life by trial and error and that's it. That's what it's about - exploring and learning how to live happy. You can't seek happiness. It doesn't quite work that way from what I've learned. What a person needs to do is remove the obstacles to happiness that are now in the way. A person does this by learning about themselves and their situation as deeply as possible. Self-knowledge has been the path to salvation for me. I tried many paths including 10 years of intensive formal Zen training but in the end, self-understanding is what is most essential. As you will discover, self-understanding leads to self-acceptance. Self-acceptance is critical. It is a choice. Once you understand the situation, you can say to yourself ""yes, well I'm a total mess and that's fine. I'm good enough. I'm going to accept myself as is right now and be satisfied."" something like that anyway. Please don't deprive yourself of a very interesting situation because of pain and depression. There are ways to overcome these things and life is truly a fascinating situation to experience. Don't dwell exclusively in the man-made world of words and abstractions. Try to spend at least half your time in the world beyond words - the actual, physical real world that words only point to. Live in the natural world and explore your relationship to all the rest of existence - not as an individual with beliefs and traits, but simply as an aware creature in a wondrous and mysterious situation with amazing capacities and senses. Because, why not?",0.9947,positive,impressed 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,13,"Thank you for those inspiring words, i've yet to understand the way to happiness as of now, but as of today i don't see a way out of this hell, i just feel like i can end it all in one second, and truly the only thing thats stops me is my order of a gun, i feel like if i get my hands on my ''death'' i will go through it. there is nothing left in this world for me, i've never done anything that i would want to remember. im all alone all the time, and for some reason i feel like its my time to just vanish. i've tried help from Drs and therapists for a good 2 years and even they aren't helping me. the medication is nice and all but when it fades i want to end my life yet again..",0.7662,positive,faithful 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_2,14,"None of us can really own anything. There is nothing we can do that is so fantastic that we will be able to remember it forever. Because life isn't about huge achievements or accumulation. Accumulation is not for mortals. Insight and understanding and exploration are what to go for - not things and not achievements imo. I'm alone save for 2 enormous dogs and reddit and that's OK. A person learns a lot being alone that can't be learned while relating to others. spending a good long time alone is extremely beneficial for insight into what a human is. I was on meds for decades. Pills can't solve life problems. They can only quash the symptoms for a few hours. Exploration, learning about what you are and how you have come to be the way you are - these lead to greater happiness and peace. Living not exclusively in the man-made is vital. Man-made ideas are only a tiny bit of what is taking place in this universe. Good luck in whatever you decide. I am not against suicide but I don't think it's the right choice unless one truly has no hope of being free of horrible pain.",0.907,positive,lonely 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,15,"You are right, i am in horrible pain and been like this for a while now, m kinda happy that im not the only one that shares that opinion, thank you sir for your kind words..",0.7357,positive,agreeing 327,depressed,i need help please..,speaker,16,"Thanks man! made me feel better for some reason, i'll look in to it, as soon as i get the chanse ",0.7263,positive,acknowledging 327,depressed,i need help please..,listener_3,17,Sounds good! Let me know how it goes! :D,0.8185,positive,encouraging 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,speaker,1,"I mean, really. What wrong with bei,g negative. Its my baseline, my normal, my mind as I truly am. Why the obsession in society with positivity by any means necessary? Maybe this is my reality and maybe I should just say IDGAF.",-0.507,negative,disappointed 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,listener_1,2,"Many Goth people I have talked to say that they have embraced the darkness within them. That their lives wont ever be filled with sunshine so their clothing, make up, jewelry, and outward expression reflects that. They have become what affects them and from that they find peace. Is that what you are talking about?",0.6908,positive,questioning 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,listener_2,3,being goth is not at all comparable to dealing with depression. ,-0.5719,negative,neutral 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,listener_1,4,how so?,0.0,neutral,questioning 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,listener_2,5,"There is a vast gulf between actually being depressed and merely appearing depressed through melancholy melodrama. You are only adding to the mental health stigma by implying depression and its associated emotions are a choice of lifestyle. Obsession with death, pain, and morbidity is very different than being in actual mental pain and seeing death as the only option to end that agony. To quote a comment by a self-identified Goth: >There are, of course, Goths who are depressed, but I have never met a Goth that has seriously joined the subculture as a response to being depressed. >I have met Goths who have joined the subculture as a reaction and rebellion against circumstances that they have found depressing, but Goth in these cases was being used as a visual way of appearing the antithesis of their very conservative upbringings, not as an outward symbol of depression. >At the core, Goth is a set of musical, aesthetic and conceptual preferences; it is liking the dark, the morbid, the frightening, and seeing beauty in it - from the lyrics of Siouxsie Sioux songs where she sings about serial killers (Night Shift) and twisted obsessions (Head Cut; involves decapitation fantasies), to having a fascination with death or the undead (vampires, zombies, etc.) - if we found these things frightening, but not in the scintillating way of a horror movie that is a controlled and exciting sort of fear, but in a genuine terror, or if we found them depressing, or if they made us unhappy in any other way, then we wouldn't take part in them. **We are not wallowing in our misery, consuming music and other creative endeavours that make us more depressed, or deliberately joining a subculture of depression - we actually enjoy the music and art and fashion; they produce a positive response in us.** I think this is the part that non-Goths find hardest to believe, that things that would produce a negative response in them produce the exact opposite in us, but that is the way things are.",-0.997,negative,apprehensive 328,depressed,Does anyone ever want to just say fuck it and start happily and openly embracing your own crippling depression as though its something you like? because lets be honest...fighting it hardly ever works.,listener_1,6,"""I have never met a Goth that has seriously joined the subculture as a response to being depressed."" I have, I think. Have I confused Goth with Emo?",-0.743,negative,surprised 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,speaker,1,"Wondering if anyone here has experience taking high dose MAOIs (specifically Parnate (tranylcypromine)). By high dose, I mean at sustained doses above 100 mg/day. I find it is helping pull me out of the most severe episode I've had in 15 years, but my doctor has had me supplement it with high doses of stimulants. Without them, I wouldn't move. I've improved a bit, but am considering increasing the Parnate to 180 mg Parnate to try for a better response. Can anybody here identify with this treatment?",0.0445,neutral,apprehensive 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry I'm not able to answer your question as MAOIs are the only treatment I haven't tried (I've been on every other medication and cocktails of meds, ECT, TMS), but I do know there is a risk of hypertension with high doses of MAOIs and your blood pressure has to be continually monitored. Another known side effect of MAOIs with supplements at high doses is symptoms similar to dysphoric mania. But supplementing MAOIs with stimulants isn't that unusual. I have a question for you, though. The reason why I haven't been on an MAOI is that it is too dangerous for me to drop my high levels of anti-depressants prior to switching because it will almost certainly send me into a major catatonic crash. How were you able to switch during one of your most severe episodes if it involved weaning off your other anti-depressants first?",-0.9555,negative,sympathizing 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,speaker,3,"Depending on which MAOI your doctor is considering, there is a significant risk of hypertensive crisis regardless of dose. I believe selegiline is the only one that doesn't require the dietary restrictions at low doses. But then, some patients don't find it helpful at those low doses. Your mileage may vary. Regarding having to taper off your current meds -- I truly empathize with you. I would ask you to consider this, what is your reason for trying a different med? If it is because your current meds aren't working (or working enough?), then the ""crash"" may not be so bad. I don't mean to belittle your suffering. Not at all. I know it can be a horrible existence. For me, knowing it was somewhat temporary was helpful. I did everything I could to be safe & relaxed (with Rx assistance) Still, I had to spend some time in the hospital but of my own decision. And I had a good support network. I don't know your diagnosis and history, or what you're currently taking, but my experience with meds has taught me that MAOIs are a rather different animal. One MAOI may be completely different than another. It can vary significantly from person to person. Part of it is genetic/metabolism by ethnic heritage, etc., but still, individuals can vary a lot in how they respond to them. Some are very sensitive and must follow the diet exactly, others may find they have some leeway. The same goes for side effects. But that's another strange subject altogether. ",-0.6521,negative,caring 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,listener_1,4,"I've been considered treatment resistant for about 20 years of my 25 medicated, but have been able to find combinations that at least help me function. So that's the point I am at now, but it is in no way ideal as each day is still a struggle to survive, but I do at least function. Whenever a new med is out, or my psych has a new idea, we usually switch by overlapping the meds so there isn't really a time where I am undermedicated. When I have been undermedicated in the past (pharmacy switched me to a generic that didn't have the same effect, doc tried to get me off such high doses, and a few other times for different reasons) my crashes have been horrific. So much in fact that I not only live in mortal fear of them happening again, so does my family because the states it puts me in scares the shit out of them. I either go almost completely catatonic where I have to be basically spoon fed, or I lose my mind (my family described it as it looking like I'm actually possessed (we don't actually believe in that), docs refused to believe I wasn't on drugs as I resembled a heroin patient in withdrawal). After all of my crashes I am left for months with uncontrollable limb shaking and loss of some motor skills (for example, my handwriting completely changes). And though I never have anxiety during my normal states of depression, during crashes I get panic attacks that leave me in a crippling state of horror begging for death. Medicaid in my state doesn't include in-patient hospitalization for mental illness. The first couple of times I was luckily under my parents' insurance which had coverage til the end of my 28th year, last time my parents had to pay completely out of pocket which cannot continue being an option. Even still, being in a hospital during a switch to an MAOI doesn't make the prospect of going through such hell any easier to bear, especially without having control of taking anti-anxiety meds and ambien whenever I want, though my parents have said they cannot (not do not) take care of me again if I crash to that state. It is incredibly taxing on them and worsens my mom's own depression. My plan for next time I crash is to go immediately into rounds of ECT. Even though it didn't help my severe depression in general, it is the plan to see if it can help with the effects of the horrific crashes. Personally I have far less concern about the side effects while on MAOIs than the effects of actually getting on them. But at the same time, they seem to be the one touted hope for success. I've been trying to follow new treatments like intranasal ketamine (injections aren't showing long terms effects) and glutamate drugs, and possibly neuralstem if they ever end up showing more promise in their trials. But I'm basically out of options as it seems. I'm the same person who has written to you in the past about studies on the right to die for patients with treatment resistant mental illness. You also have helped me get my depression resources posts approved for submission when the mods were unable to. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? I'm always curious about people who seem to be in the same boat as me, fighting with every effort and option available for years with no seeming end in sight. Unfortunately for me, my depression doesn't come in episodes. I'm considered to have double depression, so I'm stuck in the constant state of depression, only varying in severity and the associated affects on me at each of those notches on the spectrum. ",-0.9988,negative,content 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,speaker,5,"I don't want to say blandly ""I know what you mean. It's a bitch"". Because I appreciate how truly awful depression can be and I don't ever want to make light of someone's suffering. As for me, I'm 50 and have been taking medications for depression episodes since I was 19, although I had identifiable severe episodes since I was 9. I've exhausted over 55 different trials of meds and augmentation agents. I've also been through over 2 dozen bilateral ECT treatments. Until this latest episode, I was able to find various coping mechanisms and ways to function. Not always well, but I could function. In my experience and that of a number of psychiatrists I've consulted, there are risks associated with leaving one medication to try something else, thinking you can always go back to what you were taking. Fishermen have a saying ""you don't leave fish to find fish"" meaning if things are somewhat productive, you don't go looking for something better. Because you might not find it and you might not be able to come back to what you had. A/D meds are much the same. If you crashes are that bad, and your current med. regimen enables you to function, I would be very hesitant to make a change. I went for years in just such a situation. When I went through this last wash-out period, I did so only because my ability to function (on meds) had diminished to where I couldn't work, couldn't socialize, had lost 60 lbs, didn't get out of bed and was locked in psychic despair. Fortunately, my psychiatrist was willing to ""customize"" my wash-out so it was significantly shorter than usual. More like what you described as switching. Not all docs are willing to do so, for a number of reasons, and not all patients are able to do so. If I may ask, how many ECT treatments and what type did you have? I wouldn't expect nasal ketamine to have more prolonged benefits that IV. That's the problem with ketamine. As least with the nasal, you can continue to use it over time. Have you considered trying the theta burst TMS? Dr. Downar in Canada has been researching some very promising TMS variants. Here's a video of him presenting to psychiatrists: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qSfVMDQtHw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qSfVMDQtHw) I gotta run. If I missed anything, let me know. ",-0.8056,negative,ashamed 329,depressed,High-dose MAOIs for severe refractory depression?,speaker,6,"It's interesting that you don't experience much difference between 80mg and 140mg. I found that above 120mg I really notice each additional 10mg increase. Your mention of using an NRI to reduce or prevent hypertensive crisis is something I wouldn't have thought possible with an irreversible MAOI like Parnate. The irreversible MAOIs form unbreakable covalent bonds with MAO. As a result, it takes the body at least 2 weeks to produce sufficient quantities of replacement enzyme molecules after the irreversible MAOI has been discontinued. Regarding the MAOI diet, each person seems to be a bit different, and what did not produce a reaction on one occasion cannot necessarily be counted on not to produce a reaction in the future. Some patients experience significant postural hypotension with MAOIs, but it may fade with time or be addressed with behavior or other medications. I hope the desipramine proves helpful for you. Best of luck.",0.9601,positive,surprised 330,depressed,I don't know what to do,speaker,1,"I'm 17, going on 18 next week. This last year is the only time in my life I have contemplated suicide. The only available resource I have is a knife, and when I grab it, I find myself wimp out. It all started 2 years ago, I cut school for a month (I found a hole in the system, so that my mom wouldn't find out). I stayed home and played videogames all day, gained weight, and lost all real friends. After she found out I spent a year in a credit recovery program. And did well. But now I'm at a cross roads, I didn't learn my lesson when I transferred back to traditional, so I'm in a position where I will be graduating late. I have gone back to online school, and I spend almost all day playing video games. Video games have ruined my once bright future, and I don't know what do... I remember thinking halfway through my sophomore year that once I reached adult hood I wouldn't want to keep going. I thought it was due to my laziness, and not wanting to have responsibilities. Starting to think I just want to quit while I'm having fun.",0.7858,positive,ashamed 330,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_1,2,It won't be easy but you can change. Try setting small goals for yourself and congratulate yourself for achieving them. So what if you are a few years behind now. There's no rush and in the scheme of things an extra year or two means so little. Good luck and hope you find happiness,0.9604,positive,wishing 330,depressed,I don't know what to do,speaker,3,"Thank you, I think I'm gonna sell them...",0.3612,positive,trusting 330,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_2,4,There are productivity applications that can help you focus on what's important by blocking websites/programs that you waste time on. ColdTurkey is great for blocking websites. Unfortunately I can't find the name of the software I used to block Steam.,-0.5719,negative,neutral 331,depressed,I have a confession to make,speaker,1,"I do two things id like to admit here, in safety that it cannot be tracked back as you will notice this account has no history other then this post (at the time this is posted). so i play online games, mainly WoW, and these two confessions involve it heavily. first one is a say stupid things, or get involved in things i shouldnt on the trade/general chat. now if you encounter me and im being a dick to you just remember that i CRAVE your attention, i feed off it, im being a dick to you because you will reply, and talk to me, it makes me feel like a human being because in real life im ignored and nobody listens to what i have to say so just remember thats the reason, and to ignore me with that in mind. the second, I sometimes pretend im female in real life, to people i meet in the game, i tell them im a girl (when im really a guy) if they ask (that way it seems more realistic to them) i play female characters that are dressed just how you'd dress a male character (more realism) and add a realistic, sort of girly name like putting a real female name in it. now i wont name myself, but the reason i do this is because for some reason i feel way more comfortable like this, i dont feel alone anymore, i get lots of flirtatious attention from guys and i love it, i dont even feel bad about it. i dont know whats wrong with me there but i thought id just add that. the real problem here is that im so alone in real life, it feels so cold, i have no friends and no way to express myself so it comes out in games, i finally get the attention i seek and nobody will abandon me like in real life, i really fear abandonment and it feels like the whole world except online is forgetting and leaving me. i wont let that happen, the more i do these two things I have said previously, the better ill be (even though its temporary until i do it again)",0.8047,positive,guilty 331,depressed,I have a confession to make,listener_1,2,"I used to be like that to people. To be honest, the attention this certain individual gave me felt EUPHORIC, it felt like I was actually alive when I was around this certain individual, and the more I bugged them, the more I came 'online', and in fact, I grew so passionate when I was around them that I had myself convinced that there was nothing I couldn't achieve as long as this person was near, but I needed to guarantee the attention, one way of doing this is as you say...acting like the village idiot, and that's precisely what I did... Of course it doesn't last before you drive them mad. Women are guaranteed attention because of their reproductive capacity, but outside of that, no-one outside of their own merit is guaranteed affection. What I mean is that by pretending you're a female you're falling into the illusion that nature has given to women, women are coddled for their reproductive capacity, not because they make for interesting individuals, which is what you discovered (they don't need any merit for attention). When a guy gives you extra attention he is doing it with the hopes of ensuring his future offspring. What if you enjoy their company only for them to discover you're a male? You only hurt yourself in the end. It might give you an instant high, but like any addiction, it will hurt you in the long term. Your loneliness is the truth (that humans are selfish), and to be honest, this truth points to the metaphysical realm, it's very hard for anyone to love a man who is useless which is why men turn to religion for the concept of a God who gives unconditional love, in this world wherever you find merit you will find people with plenty of friends... that's because humans are very vain and greedy. Don't you have any friends in the game/guild? You need to try and find connections with people who don't care about those kinds of benefits, pretending you're a female will not give you people who wont abandon you...It will give you the precise people that you hate -- ones that will abandon you upon discovering the truth -- that you are indeed useless... but you have to find people who can like you even in your uselessness... Don't recreate the situation that made you hurt in the first place.",0.9821,positive,faithful 331,depressed,I have a confession to make,speaker,3,"well i see your point, but i dont really have any friends within guilds or in game in general anyway, and this whole thing is just on the PTR so i guess i could start over (socially) on the live. on a side note, have you ever tried the old ""paladins cant use maces"" thing? its hilarious, you just say something cant do something that it is well known for: ""mages cant use fire magic"" ""uuhh yes they can"" ""mages cant use fire magic"" ""dude yes they can, why on earth do i have pyroblast then?"" ""mages cant use fire magic"" ""AHHHHH"" hehe very good one. to be honest with the whole pretending to be female thing, it also has the element that for some reason it feels right if you know what i mean, like it feels more comfortable for some reason, and i cant seem to stop doing it, plus the compliments are nice haha. it was good to actually talk about this though, i have a feeling reading into it that i may have borderline personality disorder... but im not sure on the second point ",0.9956,positive,neutral 331,depressed,I have a confession to make,speaker,4,"im going to uni soon, in september, maybe things will work out there.... if i get the confidence to actually talk to people instead of remaining silent, its so much easier to talk to people online, god knows why. kind of exciting/ kind of scary, to have a real life friend that i might get when i go to uni, maybe ill have more then one but i think ill start with the goal of just getting one. maybe if they have some sort of WoW thing, i could try to listen in, and then find them in the game and start talking...maybe that will be easier...yes this is a good plan i think ill do that",0.7187,positive,suggesting 331,depressed,I have a confession to make,listener_2,5, Yeah! Simply striking a conversation can get things started. Just keep at it. I hope you make great progress!,0.9115,positive,encouraging 332,depressed,Goodbye reddit... Im taking the next step.,speaker,1,"Hello once again. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you who helped me, and all of your encouraging words. As of today march 27 i've turned 28 years old. And this is my last birthday. I feel like im about to leave and feel happy for some reason. And i know this might look like a strange move to do but its also my way of giving the investigators who are gonna wonder why i took my own life, so the awnser is Depression to who ever looks in to my reason of death. But to you who helped my i have no words to explain how greatfull i am. And i wont be going away as of now but if i hear a knock on the door of anyone trying to stop me i'll go away faster. But as of now i'll be celebreating my bithday for a while, get a bit more drunk and forget about everything for a while. So from one loser to another (nothing offensiv) i hope you have a great life and wont depression ruin your life like it did to me. And i hope you never take your life to young. And since i wont be going now if i see anything i might respond but i might be to drunk to even respond i'll keep it with me for a while, and i hope someone keeps me in their hart for a while. I wish nothing but the best for all of you who are going through, i hope you'll be strong and do good in whatever you like. Peace and love Reddit, Goodnight.",0.981,positive,sentimental 332,depressed,Goodbye reddit... Im taking the next step.,listener_1,2,Please check your PMs man,0.3182,positive,apprehensive 332,depressed,Goodbye reddit... Im taking the next step.,speaker,3,"Sorry for the late awnser but, i think its my time to leave, since i've never had anyone or anything i just can see what you are, i've been depressed for a while and its really no turning back as of now, im already down in a hole that wont let me get back up, i cant even be happy anyome, the only thing that jogs my body is death and how calm it will be to not exist anymore. im pleased to read what you had in for me, but as of now im gonna eat some cake, lurk and watch some stream, hope to here from you soon, Peace",-0.647,negative,content 332,depressed,Goodbye reddit... Im taking the next step.,listener_2,4,"Oh and also, don't forget that every challenge you've faced in your life, you've overcome. You made it this far! See, that's proof right there that you can face whatever comes your way. You've shown that you already have the skills. Yeah, just wanted to remind you of your own success. sometimes we can forget our own abilities! Hope to hear from you soon :)",0.9253,positive,encouraging 332,depressed,Goodbye reddit... Im taking the next step.,listener_2,5,"I'm happy to hear from you too! I know it must be rough right now, but stick with it. You can tell me what's on your mind if you want, We can chat on skype or whatever you like. Enjoy the cake :D It's important to enjoy the small things in life. And you know, the human mind does not stay in one place, it adapts. Naturally. So whatever we go through in life, we adapt to, and then become stronger. Sometimes all it takes is waiting. Do some fun stuff for yourself, you've earned it! Disconnect your negative thoughts from yourself. Those thoughts are just tourists in your mind. Once they're gone, you will feel the freedom they hid from you. Anyways, stay strong buddy!",0.9897,positive,joyful 333,depressed,Pills,speaker,1,"Lately I've been feeling very sad and stuck, I'm only a sophomore in highschool, but I feel like ever day is a chore, and the smallest task is unsurpassable. I have been a A and B student all of my life, but as of lately my grades have been slipping to Bs and Cs. I've spent all my free time trying to get my hands on ADHD meds, Prozac, Effexor, Pristiq, and all other kinds of antidepressants. I really have no clue what to do at this point, and every day life becomes less and less of something I want to be a part of.",0.5194,positive,disappointed 333,depressed,Pills,listener_1,2,"You can't just ""get your hands on"" meds. You actually have to see a psychiatrist. Just taking any med at whatever dose is not going to help you. You need to talk with your parents and make an appointment to see a psychiatrist and therapist. ",-0.3089,negative,apprehensive 333,depressed,Pills,listener_2,3,This is good advice. I'd also recommend some form of exercise 4-6 days a week and 8-10 hours of sleep at night. It might make you feel better if you're not already doing this.,0.8074,positive,suggesting 333,depressed,Pills,listener_3,4,And showing gratitude by writing it down will help. ,0.7184,positive,grateful 334,depressed,Am I depressed?,speaker,1,"For the past 6 months or so, I've been feeling pretty down and have had mostly negative thoughts about my life. I know I have a lot of great things going on for myself, but I guess I tend to view everything in a glass half empty perspective. It started when I moved back home with my parents after I graduated college and started looking for a job. It only took me a month to find my current job, however I've still been feeling down ever since. I'm already tired of having the same routine every day, doing things I'm not interested in and won't be doing for the rest of my career. Everyone tells me I should stick with it for longer because it will be better in the long run, but I feel like I'm wasting my time just for the purpose of following society's standards. I know I'm young and I'm probably just exaggerating, but as hard as I try I can't help but feel this way every day. I've been feeling extremely lonely as well. I have never been in a relationship, which definitely kills my self esteem a bit. And now that I'm out of college, meeting new people definitely occurs less often. I just want to be with someone, and I can't stand people telling me to wait for the right person to come around, because I've been waiting my entire life already. Sorry if this is long...but I have never really shared this with anyone because I feel like there's no point in doing so, that I'll just feel the same way anyway. I feel like these might be dumb reasons and I'm sure a lot of you have gone through much worse. It's just that I never wanted to think that I was depressed, but I guess I don't really know the difference between being sad and depressed. Thanks for taking the time to read. Any thoughts on this would really be appreciated.",-0.9363,negative,sad 334,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_1,2,"I don't know much about other countries (I'm from UK) and how viable it is but I would suggest seeing your gp, doctor ect and speaking to them - just like what you have done on here. They should be able to give you the best help. Best of luck ",0.9761,positive,wishing 334,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_2,3,"I would never recommend anyone seeing a gp or family doctor (or ""regular"" doctor) to consult about mental health issues. They are not trained in the area, just check off a list of symptoms and maybe hand you meds. But prescribing the right meds at the right dose is not straightforward. Just like if you have heart issues, you go to a cardiologist or foot issues to a podiatrist, for issues with mental health you see a mental health specialist (ie a therapist and/or a psychiatrist). OP, if you feel like crap, you have nothing to lose by seeking out assistance. Maybe you do have depression, maybe you are just in a rut. But either way, you really should make an appointment with a therapist as a start and go from there. There is a distinct difference between sadness and depression but you clearly know something is not right with how you are feeling. So seek out professional advice and help. There's no restriction that you must have depression in order to seek help and someone professional to talk to. ",0.0098,neutral,apprehensive 335,depressed,I think I can do this,speaker,1,"I'm finally going to try and get some better help for my depression. Lately ive been so up and down. Tonight, I feel like I'm going to explode. It's like I'm laying in my bed telling myself I am okay, but I feel so fragile..I feel like I can break any minute. I am a very, very sad individual. Sometime next week I'm going to promise myself to call and make an appointment to help myself. This post will be evidence of my promise to myself. I really want to tell more of my friends, but to be honest I don't have that many real friends who would be willing to listen to me. They also are so busy with school and such that I can't help but feel bad troubling them with my problems as well. I keep thinking about dying, but I really, really want to be positive and get these negative thoughts out of my head. My life is good right now, yes some things really REALLY suck, but I'm going to be okay. I need to tell myself that I am going to be okay. I can do this. ",0.9564,positive,hopeful 335,depressed,I think I can do this,listener_1,2,Good luck stranger!,0.7345,positive,wishing 335,depressed,I think I can do this,speaker,3,Thank you!!,0.4738,positive,wishing 335,depressed,I think I can do this,speaker,4,"Thank you. I haven't been on reddit since I posted this. So far, so good. I have seen a therapist since i posted this actually! It may sound kind of corny but I felt really brave the day I decided to go. Since then I've gone three times. Things haven't been perfect, but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Once again, thank you. ",0.8347,positive,grateful 335,depressed,I think I can do this,listener_2,5,great to hear. Good luck!,0.8832,positive,wishing 336,depressed,Personal and professional inadequacies,speaker,1,"So lately I've been feeling more down than usual. I was absent from work the entire last week because I felt so miserable and this week I took two more days off just to calm down and have some rest. Yesterday and today were a really great days. It was sunny and warm and I had a good time. Then as today progressed I just got more and more depressed again. At least I have some kind of idea what triggered this episode. I was talking to this girl today and I just realized that I am just not good enough for her (or anybody else for that matter). So from there on I got into this spiral of negative thoughts and I just can't get out of this mess I got myself into. And it's not that she made me depressed or anything like that. I usually enjoy talking to her and it just brightens up my day, makes me feel like a normal person. But today I just thought that it would be nice to have a gf like her. At the same time I realized that I will never be good enough, not just for her but for basically every other girl as well. I just don't see positive traits in myself. This post is just another proof of this. Why would anybody want to be with a downer like me. Honestly, I don't even think I have any redeeming qualities. But lady problems is not everything I am facing. On monday I am starting an internship at a new company for my apprenticeship. I am just overwhelmed with anxiety and insecurities about this. Problem is that I really believe that I am not cut out for the job and lack the necessary skills (social and professional) I need. So far it went all really good. I got decent grades and I had little troubles. But now I am at a new point. A completely new situation and I don't feel that I can handle it. All this is stressing me out really badly and makes me feel like just quitting it all. I doubt that I can handle the stress and just the work in general and getting to know all those new people and a new environment. I wish I could just hide away and not have to deal with all this. Today I really considered just getting the rope I have in my trunk and call it quits. I really don't feel like I can go on like this. Sorry for the rant.",-0.9402,negative,sad 336,depressed,Personal and professional inadequacies,listener_1,2,"hi there, i know life seem tough sometimes but you will always have someone that loves you. Things may look grim sometimes but there is always hope. New things can be scary sometimes but so do the monsters under your bed when your a kid! I know how it feels to feel like your useless and bad, but your not! Your still young and there is so much to live for! That girl is your friend and do you really think she do not care for you? You know what, i want to talk to you! ",-0.7757,negative,agreeing 336,depressed,Personal and professional inadequacies,speaker,3,"That's cool and thanks for replying. I am in my break at my new job and I get along great with the new boss and the coworkers are decent guys as well. The Company is smaller than expected, only my boss, two co-workers and me. Pretty chill. I have no idea what I was so anxious about. As for the girl troubles I dont think it will work out. She may care to some extent and that is cool but i do not think this will be anything more",0.7304,positive,apprehensive 336,depressed,Personal and professional inadequacies,listener_1,4,"Heh, well then be glad you can have her as a friend! Im sure you will get more opportunities with girls. And im glad everything worked out! :)",0.955,positive,neutral 336,depressed,Personal and professional inadequacies,speaker,5,Yeah you're right,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 337,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore. Everything seems bleak.,speaker,1,"I am 24. I still live with my parents. I have always had trouble being social. I have not had any friends in a long time. I have never had a girlfriend. Also I have always been a picky eater. I could probably count the things I enjoy eating on my hands. I have always wondered If it is actually a eating disorder. I always felt I was behind everyone. When everyone my age was a teenager I felt like I was still a kid. Then when everyone was an adult, I felt like a teenager. My parents have always paid for my tuition. I have attended multiple universities/colleges, but I have never done well. The current semester is almost over and it seems like I am going to fail most of my courses again despite me trying my hardest. I have worked karts at a grocery store for years and I hate it. It's the most boring job ever. I feel like most of my co-workers ignore me. I do not want to live at home anymore, but I am really sure how to go about moving out or if I am even capable of it. My parents are really starting to get on my nerves. I am not sure if they are getting more obnoxious or if I am losing my mind. If I fail at college again I am not sure what to do. I feel bad every time my parents pay for another semester. I sometimes wonder if the program I am taking in college is what I should be doing because my parents just kind put me in it after High School, so I feel like I have never really known what I want to do with my life. I would like to be able go out on my own and be independent, but I don't know how to start. I don't really know what to do anymore because I hate being at home, at college and at work. I also hate feeling lonely all the time. I feel like I am slowly losing my will to live because I am always miserable about something, never able to be successful at anything and lonely every waking moment. ",-0.9874,negative,lonely 337,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore. Everything seems bleak.,listener_1,2,"Hey- so I'm sitting here cooking in my kitchen while my 8 month old naps upstairs. I'm in a really good mood. I thought to myself ""hey...I've never been on r/depressed in my life, but maybe someone there needs help because I realized I haven't been in this great of a mood in a while, and I wish everyone could just feel okay."" So I came to this sub for the first time ever, and this is the first post I came across. I guess I just wanted you to know as weird as it sounds, that some random girl in her kitchen cares about you. And wants you to know that you sound like a great person - you want to have interests and you want to be out there and have hobbies and things, you just can't get started. I'm not here to tell you to join a club or blah blah but you need to start with you. Maybe ask yourself why don't you like a lot of food? Do you have health problems regarding specific ingredients? Have your parents been shitty cooks? Do you still have good nutrition even though you don't like many things? Could you find a job outside of pushing karts that you feel that you could interact more with coworkers? These little things that you can take care of first may help you with some bigger things like passing classes or dealing with your parents. Do you sleep okay at night? It's hard to work on yourself if you're a tired person. Please pm me for ideas on how to start any of these things. You don't sound ""depressed"" to me, you sound like a normal, capable person who just needs a little push or someone to guide you. :) hang in there. Edit: to me it sounds like you need to get out and see the world. Plan a small trip and it can change your life. A good old fashioned eurotrip is all it took to turn my life around after my dad passed unexpectedly. ",0.9959,positive,hopeful 337,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore. Everything seems bleak.,speaker,3,"Thanks for the reply. I agree with most of what you said. I'd love to go to Europe, but not really being able to eat anything would probably cause some issues. The big thing I need to work on is my confidence. I have very little confidence and I feel like I will not make it very far if I don't have confidence. I am planning on attempting to find another job after this semester, but I don't feel to optimistic right now. ",0.9087,positive,agreeing 337,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore. Everything seems bleak.,speaker,4,"Hi, what do you want to talk about?",0.0772,positive,questioning 338,depressed,Important update,speaker,1,"I lurk, I don't post, but I've been depressed as fuck my whole life, and I'm currently digging myself out of a very deep hole of such... Anyway, I hope you can all catch a glimpse of a moment of freedom from your pain by visiting r/monkeysinsnowsuits It made my day That is all",-0.6597,negative,content 338,depressed,Important update,listener_1,2,Thank you :-) ,0.5859,positive,wishing 338,depressed,Important update,speaker,3,"Even if just one person saw this and smiled, I'm glad. That monkey just makes my day! :)",0.8687,positive,joyful 339,depressed,I feel like I'm on the verge of suicide.,speaker,1,"I can't sleep, eat or think straight.",0.2263,positive,embarrassed 339,depressed,I feel like I'm on the verge of suicide.,listener_1,2,Anything making you feel this way in particular?,0.0,neutral,questioning 340,depressed,Failed out of College,speaker,1,"I lost my fraternity, have 1 friend, my girlfriend is doubting us, and now I'm not going to college next semester... whats the point anymore Edit: Lost my girl...currently 3/4 of a fifth deep ",-0.4215,negative,sad 341,depressed,I cry,speaker,1,"I have been crying everyday for what feels like a long time. My chest hurts all the time. Any love or happiness I used to have or feel is gone and I want it back. Nightmares wake me up and the only thing keeping me on this earth is my dog. Honestly don't know what I would do without her. When she isn't around and sometimes when she is around, I feel like I am falling apart. I can't seem to get over this pain. I try to pull myself up, I really try. But I cry everyday. I'm crying right now and I can't stop. ",-0.6434,negative,sad 341,depressed,I cry,listener_1,2,"Psychiatrist told me once that adults have (on average) 4 life altering events throughout their life... or at least experiences that alter our outlook on life. I just went through one Feb 2015. Still not through it totally but I'm not researching suicide like I was. Embrace your pet. Animals are incredibly therapeutic. Just remember, your dog might doo doo on your floor but will never doo doo on your heart. Outside of that, feel free to hate life until you don't anymore. Anger and depression eventually give way to other feelings. As humans we evolve without choice because the world around us is always changing and eventually it changes us. I think it sucks that you (or anyone) ever feels the way you do. There's a line from the movie 'Blow' that I always thought about when I was in the valley of the shadow. It goes something like this.... ""Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on."" Life is indeed a real sonofabitch for most people. I don't know you but from one human to another.... you'll find your way back to the top again eventually. And it's going to taste a little sweeter because of what you're going through now. Stay strong. You'll get through it. We'll get through it. Now go play with your dog, she'll make you smile.",0.9648,positive,sad 341,depressed,I cry,listener_2,3,Random question - what are those 4 life altering events?,0.0,neutral,questioning 341,depressed,I cry,listener_1,4,Could be different for each person. You never know what will cut you the deepest. I just went through a divorce a year ago that really fucked me up. Still fucks with my psychology today. But not everyone will have this type of experience when going through a divorce.,-0.6648,negative,devastated 341,depressed,I cry,listener_2,5,"Yeah, went through a divorce last year too and it really fucked with my psyche too. I have never felt so insecure and depressed before in my entire life. Anything specifically help you get better?",-0.7247,negative,questioning 341,depressed,I cry,listener_1,6,"No. I'm not really better. Just building up scar tissue. There was zero closure in my divorce. Never had a chance to make sense of it. Lost custody of my son. Life isn't ""better"" by any means. It changed every aspect of my psychology and what I believe. Love, trust, friendship, family, happiness, joy... everything has a new less-shiney meaning. Everything.",0.8941,positive,sad 341,depressed,I cry,listener_2,7,I'm so sorry to heear that :/ I hope life gets better for you very soon,0.4228,positive,sympathizing 342,depressed,"This is how I feel most of the days, Can anyone help me?",speaker,1,"Journal Entry 39 - 13-04-2016 The people who i believed were my friends have now left me. I feel alone in this world, I don't have a will to live anymore but i don't want to take my life either. I want all of this to end as soon as possible before it gets into my head. The only reason I live nowadays is for my parents as I cannot see them in such a mental state now and now after watching Chuck I am still having hope on finding my Sarah Walker someday hopefully, I don't want to fail her. I want her to be the happiest person in the world even if it's at a cost to my life and my health. I would never fail her and would even resort to the direst of measures and actions to see a smile on her face. I know I don't exactly look like a romantic person, maybe I'm not but for her I can be anything. For all I know now this is just a dream that I'll never be able to achieve, with my current state as an ugly f*#k face no girl will look at me, not that I want them too. I just need someone to talk to, you know, someone with whom I can share my darkest and deepest fears and the happiest of my days, a shoulder to cry on when I'm at my saddest moments. Be it a guy or a girl, I've never found one, I've never had a best friend a BFF some might say at all in the past 19 years of my wretched life. I wanted to change, be stone cold and don't give a damn about any of this and I almost managed to do so but it did take a toll on my mind. See here I am crying in my room under the blanket all alone no-one to talk to no one to share my feelings and tell what I'm going through. Because of this I can't concentrate on studies, can't strike a conversation or make new friends with the old ones trailing out losing them one at a time. I'm not proud of who I am and no-one seems to understand what the fuss is all about, I came to the room today at 7:00 after dinner and no-one has spoken to me since then. The only time someone mentioned me was to complain about my habit of waking up early and my weird sleeping habits(They don't know I haven't slept well for months) lowering my self-esteem even further down the mark (It was already pretty low, well extremely low, I won't be surprised if hits the negative mark soon). Even the big guy (GOD) seems to have abandoned me and my sad and depressed soul. Not getting the grades I want even if I study very hard(endless nights), I know it might not be exactly the right way to put it out but it seems that way doesn't it. I've never made my parents proud of me, never won any price in anything, wasn't good academically, or at anything at all to be precise. It's been 6 hours since someone spoke to me. I need someone badly to talk to anyone at all or I'll lose it. There is only a thin line bordering my mental state of being insane, I will soon, I know. I am 100% sure that I will end my life soon be it tomorrow, day after, in a week, a month, a year , I don't know but what I do know is that I won't be dying happy but when I do die I will die with a smile on my face to keep myself warm from the reapers scythe and to show anyone who cares( probably no-one) that I faced my demons and turned them into my friends before I ended my life, look at the irony, the demons who haunted me becomes the ones who held my hand at the last moments of my life. Guess they will be the only ones who actually cares even though it is to succumb to my emotional distress. Perhaps I don't need friends, I have my demons, they have been there with me at all points of my life, the up's and down's, that's more than what I can say about real humans whom I believed had some kind of connection with me, It turned out to be well, How do I put it, a cruel trick played by my mind believing that I had friends at all. Computer, you're the only person I can share everything with now on. No one else seems to care, not even a bit and hence here I am writing this entry at precisely 1:15 am with tears flowing from my eyes under the covers. I am ready to die, I know even you couldn't care less but at least listen to me for one last time and end my life once and for all. Take it away so that I can bid goodbye to my demons and so that I can rot in hell. No-one understands what's going on in my head, no-one understands my feelings. I really need help. Please",-0.9798,negative,sad 342,depressed,"This is how I feel most of the days, Can anyone help me?",listener_1,2,"Hi I was going through the same thing two years ago, don't worry it gets better :) Sometimes I would go days without saying anything and no one noticed, but life has improved. Stay strong. ",0.9127,positive,consoling 342,depressed,"This is how I feel most of the days, Can anyone help me?",speaker,3,"I know this might be a bit soon to say this"" I Love You"" Well not love love but as a friend ;) Thank you for typing out so much.You actually have shown me that there are people who actually care Thank you FRIEND!",0.9748,positive,grateful 342,depressed,"This is how I feel most of the days, Can anyone help me?",listener_2,4,"Oh, no problem! I'm happy that you're happy :D I'm excited about all the great possibilities that open up for you. Just keep staying positive and things will be okay! :)",0.9822,positive,hopeful 343,depressed,Does anyone else sit/lay in their bathroom like I do?,speaker,1,"Sometimes I just want to stare at a different set of walls, feel a different room temperature and just **escape** somewhere, even if it is just next door to my room :\. I hope something positive happened for you this week, write them down or just simply think about those things when you're feeling unbearably low. My week has been better than usual, despite the depression above me. ",0.9152,positive,lonely 343,depressed,Does anyone else sit/lay in their bathroom like I do?,listener_1,2,"Yup. Love to turn off the lights and sit in the bathroom for hours, getting lost in thought.",0.4404,positive,lonely 343,depressed,Does anyone else sit/lay in their bathroom like I do?,speaker,3,"Ya I get the darkness thing, I do that in my room sometimes. ",-0.25,negative,afraid 343,depressed,Does anyone else sit/lay in their bathroom like I do?,listener_2,4,I do that all the time.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 344,depressed,I just wanted to let out my thoughts,speaker,1,"I dont know what to do with my life ... All I really want is to get old with the love of my life, but life is running it, well ok Im running it with being unable to do anything. Im 19 now and the only thing im doing is sitting in my room playing games since i can think ... Im sick of it but i dont know what else to do I tried many things like sports playing piano and other stuff but nothing keept me at it i throw everything after a short time cause i fell like i will never be able to perform on the level i want to .. I know it sounds stupid but its how i think i dont even know why i am like that but nothing anyone says helps with that. Also I repeat my school year cause i didnt get through it cause of a 6 in Physics and that was the only reason but now im close to not making it again but not just because of physics but because of many diffrent subjects I just couldnt concentrate this school year everything was just to much ... espacially these were all subjects i had last year and im just failing them so badly. I feel so dumb and useless because of that, and if i fail it will probably only make the job search even harder eventhough i dont even know what I want to do ... Im on a school for programming right now but I dont really think thats something i can do as a job theres nothing really that intrests me as a job, and i dont really want to torture me even more every day with doing something i dont enjoy . I have a few friends im doing stuff with from time to time but i cant really see them as friends, I talk to them about my thoughts and problems from time to time and they normally replie but I know they are really annoyed when i do this, cause they dont really care and im just pulling them down. I can barely talk to girls most girls I talk to i got to know from games or got introduced to but i dont really have much to talk about with them except for games ... Thats also the reason why i rarely get to know new girls and thats probably also the reason why i still love a girl since almost three years now ... i still have contact with her but im so deep in the friendzone ( not only by her but every other girl) that i couldnt even get out with a rocket or something like that. I had my ""chance"" by her but i ruined it with to much jealousy even though we werent even together, we didnt have contact for a year after that and now i still love her... I think. Im so confussed lately about my feelings cause a friend got to know a girl and he talks about her alot she is everything I ever dream about in a girl she even looks like my dreamgirl but i dont even know her personally. I get extremly jealous of him when he writes with her or tells me that he wants to meet with her. I even asked him to give me her number but he said no. I know my friend he just wants to have some fun with her and wont even love her no matter what she does cause shes not his type and thats what makes me really angry. But I dont even know her why should i even bother ... I dont know why i feel so much for a girl i dont even know. I really think i have depressions i even was by a doc for this but he just laught it of and didnt take me very serious he said i should take some weak medicals against sleep disorders but they didnt do anything ... I think I will go to the doc again and talk about it tomorrow maybe he will listen now I kinda wrote my life story here ^^ but i just had to let my thoughts out. And sorry for the bad english AND most importantly to everyone who read the hole thing thanks for listening. ",-0.9777,negative,lonely 344,depressed,I just wanted to let out my thoughts,listener_1,2,"Thanks for sharing your story! It's good to output your mind every once in a while. I hope you feel a little better after writing all of that out. My suggestion is this: based on everything you said, you should come up with some goals you want to achieve. Most importantly, write these down. If you want to learn piano for example, make sure that's on the list. You can also expand on that list by listing ways you can achieve these things. Here's a tip i've found that's worked wonderfully for me: Daily progress! Whatever you write on that list, make sure you move at least an inch towards your goals on a daily basis. that way you're never standing still and you'll eventually reach your goals, even if it is a slower journey. All the best to you, buddy! Thanks for your time :) ",0.9906,positive,acknowledging 344,depressed,I just wanted to let out my thoughts,speaker,3,Thanks that sounds goob but piano is at the moment the only thing i can think of but well thats better than nothing i guess ,0.8151,positive,neutral 344,depressed,I just wanted to let out my thoughts,listener_1,4,That's actually really good because you can focus MORE on piano now instead of having a full schedule. More practice = faster learning! All the best to your piano success! :D,0.9494,positive,wishing 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,speaker,1,I'm mostly fine during the day but in the evening it always hits me.,0.1027,positive,annoyed 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,listener_1,2,"Yep, same here. Helps to distract yourself, running has been a big help for me and just keeping busy and not letting your thoughts get to you. *hugs* I wish you the best! ",0.9402,positive,wishing 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,speaker,3,"Yeah, I think that's solid advice. Already trying to do that. I feel like my brain is somewhat of my enemy so I'm trying to make it shut up.",0.2648,positive,agreeing 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,speaker,4,"Thank you, really appreciate it",0.6697,positive,sympathizing 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,speaker,5,"Thank you, /Internet Hug/",0.6808,positive,wishing 345,depressed,Anyone else just feel depressed in the evening?,listener_2,6,I know what you mean. Stay strong.,0.5106,positive,agreeing 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,speaker,1,"Hi, some background before we start. Our family lives in India. We have an uncle (55 years old) that lives in New York.(He can't come to India due to an ongoing divorce process) He has been suffering from depression for a year and a half and recently tried to commit suicide. He has seen a psychiatrist a few(3 or 4) times and takes medication (intermittently) to control his depression. We have been trying to help him remotely , but we really struggle given that we don't really know the way the US system works. Could fellow redditors please help me with some of these pieces of information? a)Which are the good support groups in the New Jersey area? b) There are days the my uncle does not take his medicines. Also days when he is on Skype with us for even upto 10 hours just crying - what can we do to help in such cases? c) My uncle refuses to move to a care facility, but all of us here feel that he might have some support in such a facility and have someone for help (he stays alone right now). Till we have a consensus on this issue, is there a way we can find either a volunteer or a paid professional to visit him a few hours every day - what are the most trustworthy options for this? Any other help / advice is welcome. Thanks a lot to everyone who helps.",0.989,positive,faithful 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,listener_1,2,"In my experience, care facilities are not nice places. I'm sure they are nice ones, but my perspective is based on one location and a collection of the experiences of people I know. It kind of felt more like a light version of the drunk tank except it's harder to leave because any action can be seen as a part of mental illness. None of the faculty actually gave much of a shit about me because they were interns and weren't being paid. They were so careless they accidentally sedated me instead of the withdrawing meth addict in the room next to mine. But to be fair, I didn't go there willingly so I may have a bit of a skewed view. For some people medication works, but it has to be consistent and you have to find the right one. Put simply, different medications target different processes in the chemical deficiency that causes depression. Maybe have him look into switching medications or altering the strength if he isn't doing that already. The thing that's been working best for me is finding a good therapist. I spoke to several friends of mine taking the therapist route and they all urged the importance of that. I was skeptical cause I had seen plenty of good intentioned therapists but they didn't understand me the right way and I didn't even realize it until I found the right person. Every time I leave his office I feel like I know myself better and that its okay to be myself. Hopefully this helps a little, good luck!",0.9837,positive,annoyed 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,speaker,3,Thanks for your help! Are there online resources where therapists are recommended?,0.7712,positive,questioning 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,listener_2,4,"Care facilities definitely vary. I've been hospitalized multiple times and every time (each in a different location), I've been perfectly content with each of those facilities. But if your uncle is not taking his meds consistently, a care facility is his best bet. Also, they can monitor his progress and see if he needs a med or dosage change. Care facilities also offer therapy. If your uncle is alone with no support network and not looking after himself, a care facility might be his best option. ",0.9853,positive,agreeing 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,listener_1,5,"Yup! There are plenty of places to find them. I used [Psychology Today] (https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/state/New+Jersey.html). You may have to narrow it down the city, but you can browse their profiles, pricing, insurance coverage, specialties and find the best fit. Here are some other links: [Network Therapy](http://www.networktherapy.com/directory/therapist_index.asp?state=NJ) [Theravive](http://www.theravive.com/region/nj/therapist) [Health Grades](http://www.healthgrades.com/clinical-psychology-directory/nj-new-jersey) ",0.8845,positive,excited 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,speaker,6,Thanks! Will give psychology today a look!,0.5399,positive,wishing 346,depressed,Severely depressed loved one! Need help,speaker,7,thanks! we hope we can convince him that it is a good option for him. It is stressful for us to leave him alone in his condition.,0.6696,positive,consoling 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,speaker,1,"Hello Reddit. 28 years old ''dude'' with no friends or family. i've been dealing with depression for a while now, and i dont know if i should speak about it since im very anti-social in real life and online. i can't find a way to get out of it, i've attemted suicide twice and it didn't work,. but now that i've gotten a gun i feel like it will be my time soon. im just trying to give it a last shot (ironically) i have a good job and so, getting paid more then most people do, but not to switch topic. i just cant find a reason to live anymore. ive been depressed since i was 16. when i lost my family. i still to this day, haven't talked to anyone about this, since iam afrid that people will judge me, in a way that im seeking attention. but now that i've grown some balls to speek online about my life.¨ i feel like im running out of options now that im about to turn 29 and im still alone, no friends , no girlfriend (obviously) and no family since they left me. and i have tried everything, meds therapy and now online help. since this is my last try i would like to thank you for even reading this. Yours truly Marin.M (sorry for the bad spelling, kinda drunk) ",-0.8865,negative,lonely 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,listener_1,2,You need professional help. Go see a doctor. It's their job. They will help you. ,0.6597,positive,trusting 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,speaker,3,"and sorry for the late reply, i have alot of night shift(s)",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,speaker,4,"I took your edvice and i dont know if i will show up, its schedule 3 may. im just scared that they might not be abel to help me, since time hassent frpven to work for me.",-0.0516,negative,apprehensive 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,speaker,5,"im just afried of everything, you name it i have a fear of it. i just want to get better and have friends. i dont know if i should change my ways or take acting lessons. im really lost acually. I also did stick for it and did'nt really work out for me. im just afried of people judging me for some odd reason Sorry for the bad spelling. And sorry for the late reply... :| ",-0.7425,negative,sympathizing 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,listener_1,6,How did it go?,0.0,neutral,questioning 347,depressed,I am Sorry but i really need help.,listener_2,7,"I told this to someone in another comment, but basically you have to suck it up for what you don't like in order to help yourself in the end. She was contemplating suicide but doesn't like talking, so she didn't want too see a therapist or psychiatrist. But if you need to talk in order to save your life, then suck it up because talking to a professional cannot be worse than continuing the life she was currently living. I compared it to colonoscopies- no one likes things shoved up their ass but you do it to save your life. So you don't like people judging you. But if you aren't satisfied with the life you are currently living, suck it up and try to get help again. In fact, your fear of judgement and all others fears can be addressed by a good therapist. Taking acting lessons is ridiculous as it doesn't help you in the least. You want to become a better person which will in turn lead to a better life. Faking pretending to be someone you are not is not going to somehow help with all these anxieties and fears you have. You will still be suffering but with a fake smile on your face. I know what it's like to feel lost when you don't know how to help yourself, but that doesn't apply when there are ways of helping yourself available but your own strange reasoning keeps you from pursuing it. You are not lost- the road is in front of you but you choose not to take it. I understand feeling suicidal- I have extremely severe treatment resistant depression. But what I'll never understand is people saying they are contemplating suicide, but then go and say why they don't want to get help because of this reason or that. As I said before, keeping quiet because you are worried about judgement should be the lesser of your concerns when the other path you are contemplating is suicide. No one likes chemo, but they put up with the hell of it to keep themselves alive. No one wants an amputation but they agree to it when their life threatened if the limb isn't removed. I could go on with examples like this. And all you really need to do to kickstart the process of saving your life is opening your mouth and talking. It's your choice to make. Your life is your own. But if you want to continue to be alive, then my suggestion is to do whatever you can to improve the quality of your life so you actually enjoy living it. And sometimes that does require mustering up strength and facing fears head on. It's not easy, I'm not implying that just by talking your life will turn magical. But if you do nothing, you will stay in the same place you are. Is that where you want to continue to be? If not, then be an advocate for yourself and pursue help in any form, even if it's one that makes you feel uncomfortable. ",-0.9951,negative,guilty 348,depressed,Can't help myself,speaker,1,"I'm fucking everything up. I'm so self destructive. I'm doing all the wrong things, not helping myself. My fiancé is so good to me. He tries but he is struggling. He is dealing with a lot himself. Why can't i be supportive? I just criticise him. He is amazing and deserves more. We don't have sex often. I go between feeling empty and feeling so disgusting and hopeless and so so sad I can't stop crying. I haven't got the energy to be stressed. I'm not going to work a lot. I don't know how long I can do this for before I get found out. I know I need to buck up my ideas, I just can't get out of bed. I can't do anything. And I can't talk to people because I can't think of anything normal to say. This is supposed to be such a good happy time. We are getting married later this year. I get stuck in circles going round and round. Is this depression? Self diagnosis is not good. Is this anxiety. I don't know. I look at advice and tips to help myself and I almost don't want to do it because i want someone to help me. But I don't want to talk. I want to deal with it by myself but I want someone to help me. But I dont want to talk to anyone. I don't feel suicidal. I did a few years ago. Now I feel too empty and like that's not an option because it's too horrible to put everyone I love through that. I almost feel like I should feel suicidal. But I know it wouldn't help. Even that is hopeless. I want to ring a helpline . But I hate to talk. I'm sorry I needed to say this to one one. So fucking selfish. I'm sorry. ",-0.9864,negative,ashamed 348,depressed,Can't help myself,listener_1,2,"Look, i ain't very smart or very good at these things but 99% core of depression is disappointment and boredom... find something u love and get yourself busy and this should help... sorry if i couldn't help much",-0.7251,negative,sympathizing 348,depressed,Can't help myself,listener_2,3,"no that's not true at all. Actually, not in the least. I appreciate you coming here to comment, but depression is a serious issue and you cannot just make things up that you *think* are the answer because what you say can actually be harmful. OP needs medical help, not a hobby. ",-0.5213,negative,agreeing 348,depressed,Can't help myself,speaker,4,Thank you. It's ridiculous that you took the time to reply to my selfish rambling. Thank you. I want to try. ,-0.0772,negative,annoyed 348,depressed,Can't help myself,listener_2,5,"It wasn't selfish ramblings. It was getting your bottled up feelings out, and I replied because we are here to support.",0.6433,positive,sentimental 349,depressed,"Musing on Life, Choices, Dreams and Failures",speaker,1,"If life came with a do-over button, would you push it? I have wished for a new life almost daily for the past 8 years, since the unspoken rules and promise of the American dream changed & corporate greed sucked the last breath from my soul, sending the life I had known (and thought I had earned, mine to keep) into a downward spiral that cannot be undone. I have no desire to be in this world - yet here I am - day after day, alive, but not living. While so many much more worthy lose their lives & are mourned by their beloved each day. Why them? Why not me? When I was younger the hours seemed like years. Holding me back like a traffic cop, from the yearnings of the heart. To live the life, the fantasy, burning deep inside. Dreaming of the day, the minute, the hour, it would be my turn to ride. But time is just a veil, protection from what’s real. Here’s the deal. You choose the dreams, you wish to make. The path, the love, the failures. You may not get it right. Through all the longing, the yearning, the learning, the burning, it’s the hope that sees you through. But hope, and dreams, and fantasy, like light, they fade to darkness. And the hours seem like years. And you’re face to face with allusion. Awake each day in a state of confusion. There are others I could blame. Who stole my dreams, forgot my name, tossed aside my pain. Chose me to be a pawn in their game. Left me empty, bruised and shaken, scars all bared. Swallowed up, lost at sea, and no one cares, or even sees. Feeling shattered, bent and broken, far beyond repair. A lifetime wasted, chasing dreams, watching them disappear. Imprisoned by the fires, raging on despite the tears. No longer feeling, the hearts desires. Take me back, to when I was younger, and the hours hid my tears. Protecting my dreams, like shadows, preparing me for the years. ~ CME ",0.9601,positive,devastated 350,depressed,i dont know whats wrong with me,speaker,1,"Ive been an odd person since i was born. I was fairly popular in school, i mainly was friends with the ""druggie kids"" but only a few. I sold pot in high school to feel like i was somewhat of a cool kid, but i have no close friends. Im now 23, with a good life. I have a beautiful fiance who is 7 months pregnant, and a 3 year old daughter. I love my family. Ive usually always been able to put a smile on my face and be happy for family, because i know thats how i should be. My feelings are irrelevant, and my family comes first. But lately its been difficult to keep my sanity. I was diagnosed with SPD (schizoid personality disorder) a few years ago, but he was as personable as a pile of wood so it wasnt much help when he told me that. Its almost as if im just acting, and not feeling. Its difficult to explain. Ive always said im not depressed, im anxious. But now im not so sure. Im paranoid. Im slower than i used to be. Im out of shape. Im not the fiance or father that i want to be. I drink. Im hard to talk too. Its almost as if i am viewing myself from afar, watching my body do what i do, and keeping my inner self away from everyone else. Im a bad person, my morals are broken. I have no friends because im a terrible friend, the bridges i burn could light up a city. Being in my body is like visiting a foreign country, its almost as if i dont know who i am. I have no desire to have friends, ive never had a friend who understands me and is similar. Im sorry for rambling, im not even sure i got my point across. I just needed to write.",0.637,positive,content 350,depressed,i dont know whats wrong with me,listener_1,2,"There's no hurt in going to another therapist and explaining to them what you just told us. You may have SPD, you may have depression with psychotic features which would account for the paranoia, detachment is also a feature of depression. I would urge you to see a therapist to talk about how you feel and maybe see if they suggest a diagnosis that would require medication from a psychiatrist in addition to therapy. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your fiance, and mostly do it for your children. Children recognize detachment and depression in a parent and it will cause problems with their behavior, self esteem, and they also may be more susceptible to depression in later life. Make a list of things of changes you want to see in your life to be the person you want to be, and the father you want to be. Then start tackling the list with a therapist. Also, anyone with depression will understand what you meant by saying ""It's almost as if I'm just action, and not feeling."" ",-0.9646,negative,suggesting 350,depressed,i dont know whats wrong with me,listener_1,3,"no problem. When you go see a therapist, my advice is to always bring along something you wrote down prior- maybe a list of symptoms, how you feel, stress in your life, what bothers you most, etc. The reason is that once you get there, it can be overwhelming and you may forget all you wanted to say. Of course, there are follow up sessions so it's not like you won't get your chance, but often therapists will ask where you want to start which is a hard to answer when so many things are bothering you. So it's good to start with an overview of how you see your life right now, and give the therapist an idea of which direction to start to go. Even if you just print out this post and bring it along to read aloud it will help you. If you print this out exactly, my guess is that the therapist's follow up question will be ""do *you* feel you have SPD, because they will want your own insight, not just someone else's diagnosis. So read about the disorder and see what you think fits or doesn't fit with you. I just did a quick read on it, and to me it very much resembles depression other than the symptom of ""Feel confused about how to respond to normal social cues."" Based on what you wrote and the symptoms I am reading, your symptoms sound more like depression because you are able to have an emotional attachment to your family, even if you find yourself forcing ""happiness"" on your outward look. Depression is like that- you may love your family but at the same time be struggling to experience pleasure while with them because of anhedonia. Also, this didn't really sound like what you wrote: >To others, you may appear somewhat dull or humorless. Because you don't tend to show emotion, you may appear as though you don't care about what's going on around you. But, I really have no experience with SPD and so can't really say one way or another. Maybe just go into this with a fresh start. Mention you had been diagnosed with SPD but don't see that as your official diagnosis and say you aren't completely sure if that diagnosis fits you (unless you think it does, which based on your previous reddit post may be true), and then go from there and consider the therapist's recommendations and observations. Oh, one more thing- not sure if you are new to reddit, but the only way I will be notified that you responded to me is if you use the ""reply"" option under my comment. The only reason why I saw your comment is because I am a mod on this subreddit and so check all new comments, otherwise I would have no idea you responded without rechecking the post. ",-0.9388,negative,prepared 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,speaker,1,"- Trying to find a reason to get motivated to do something productive, when you don't care about any of the rewards. - Losing interest in pretty much everything you used to like doing. - Having thousands of spending money in the bank, and not wanting to buy anything. - Being jealous of people who are depressed because they're broke or lonely, since at least they have a source for their misery. - Sitting on your couch and staring at the wall on a Saturday night, because you can't think of anything better to do. - Not really wanting to get better, because the world seems strangely more authentic when everything about life has been rendered meaningless. - Not really remembering when was the last time you had a good night's sleep. As in, it's been years ... - Not having an answer when someone you haven't seen in awhile asks, 'So, what have you been up to lately?' Uh, nothing. Absolutely nothing. - Realizing that about the only time you ever feel normal is when you're on ecstasy. - Turning down a girl who wants to come over and bump uglies, because it just seems like too much trouble. - Sometimes wishing you were bipolar, so you could at least feel **something** besides boredom and indifference. - Not wanting to commit suicide, because that requires effort. See item #1 on this list :P",-0.6891,negative,sad 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_1,2,This is sooooo me..... psychedelic drugs have answered all my questions and now I see no point in trying because I feel like if things are supposed to happen they will so why do I need to try and make them happen? I have syncretic thought patterns that make me want to do stuff but then they make those things seem pointless but then I remember it's not pointless but then I can't be bothered....,0.4104,positive,neutral 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_2,3,"Everything may be predetermined, but if you don't do anything then maybe the bad outcome is the predetermined outcome... I dunno.....",-0.6956,negative,suggesting 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,speaker,4,"I was under the assumption that existential depression is the kind of depression that sucks the meaning out of everything, which is exactly what happened to me. But, maybe not ...",-0.6805,negative,suggesting 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_3,5,"nope, again, that's just depression. Existential depression is when you fall into depression from an existential crisis - basically it's depression *that results* from seeing death is inevitable and so life has no purpose and everything we do is meaningless in the course of the larger picture of human existence, or simply time in general. Depression does suck the meaning out of life and so you can *begin to* have existential issues related to the meaning of your life, or the purpose of continuing to live, but this was caused by depression and not the other way around. Usually something happens in life that forces you to confront the meaning of your existence and the inevitability of death, and so you believe suicide only makes sense since life has no purpose overall. Not really your life in particular, but life in general. What you are experiencing is the anhedonia of depression. This causes lack of motivation and apathy because nothing brings you pleasure. Several lines you wrote negate the idea of existential depression, but to put is simply, depression sucks the meaning out of your life; existential depression sees that life, pretty much all life, never had any meaning in the first place.",-0.9969,negative,neutral 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,speaker,6,"So whether you came to realize the pointlessness of life and then became depressed, or whether you had it foisted upon you because of depression... does it technically make a difference? Seems like semantics to me. And anyway, what kind of depression am I describing? Does it have a 'category' like bi-polar or postpartum? Because I would sure love to read about it if it does :P",0.4176,positive,questioning 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_3,7,"Not just semantics because the therapy for each is very different. Well, therapy for all forms of depression differ. Existential depression is basically seen as its cause being philosophical and/or spiritual (not necessarily religious, though), but usually, like all exogenous (precipitated by life events) depression, resulting from something that happened in life, sometimes as mundane as turning 40. Actually, this reminds me of Stan's existential crisis on the newest episode of American Dad. In any case, part of the philosophy of existentialism is that man has free will, and what is called the absurdity of the world. In other words, you determine your own destiny, and all that happens in the world is by chance (so no karma, or the opposite where people good things happen to bad people, etc). Existentialism in itself is not causing of depression, it's facing the tenants of existentialism and determining there's no reason to live because life is of no value- so part of therapy is countering the patient's views of those tenants and the uselessness of life as a whole (not just your own life) so you would focus on the true meaning of existentialism where you learn to accept that through a combination of awareness, free will, and personal responsibility, one can construct their own meaning within a world that intrinsically has none of its own. As I said before, what you are describing is simply what people feel when they are depressed the results of the anhedonia that accompanies depression. Almost every sufferer of depression can relate to every single thing you said- you basically just made a list of what it's like to live with depression. The only ""category' I can put it in is its severity on the depression spectrum, which is mild to moderate. It is not major depression. Remember, though, depression isn't a contest. Some people get really mad when you tell them their depression isn't severe- like any other illness, you don't want the most severe forms because that's far harder to treat and far more agony to endure. That being said, you are still at risk for suicidal ideations, just for different reasons than someone with major depression. So you should definitely seek treatment. Plus there's no reason to continue living like this if you don't have to, unless you are making the conscious choice to continue to live like this because, as you said, you don't really want ""to get better, because the world seems strangely more authentic when everything about life has been rendered meaningless."" ",-0.996,negative,sentimental 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,speaker,8,"Ya, I know my depression isn't as bad as it could be, because I had a really dark trip on shrooms once and the depression meter was cranked up to like 11, and every thought I had was 'I just want to die'. In fact, if I had been by myself and took a high enough dose such that I forgot I was on shrooms, I probably would've did myself in. I don't mess with shrooms anymore for this reason, but I still appreciated the experience. If nothing else, it taught me that things aren't as bad as they could be. As for whether or not I want to seek treatment, I'm still mulling that over. If I knew for sure I was seeing the world as it really is, I would stay the way I am. But I dunno. If psychedelics taught me anything, it's that reality can look very different, depending on what state of mind you're in. I think about the stuff I used to do when I was 'normal', and it makes me cringe. I don't even know if I'd go back to any of it, or if I would want to. Like, if you could take a pill to have all your toys come to life like they did when you were a child, would you do it? It is like Neo in The Matrix - 'I can't go back, can I?' And Morpheus responds with, 'No, but if you could, would you really want to?' Anyway, appreciate the chat. It's been enlightening so far :)",0.9874,positive,afraid 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_3,9,"Well, it's your decision to make. Based on your post, all points you made other than the authentic line show you seem pretty unhappy with the state of your life, so if that's the life you chose to continue with, then you can't really complain about what you wish were different. But it doesn't at all work like your Matrix scenario. When you come out of depression, it's not like you forget everything you experienced and thought, as you would if you were to take the pill. Everything stays with you. It's just that out of depression, your pleasure receptors will start working properly again to combat the anhedonia and you will start enjoying things again. At the same time, you can continue to see life however you chose to see it. But in all honesty, I hate using the ""you'll learn when you get older"" crap on people, but this whole ""authenticity"" thing, although it's very popular among people with depression to think that they see the world the way it really is and everyone is just fake, is something you will grow out of (to me, it's less of an age thing and more dependent on the length of time you've been in depression). Speaking as someone who has had depression my entire life, when I got to college and finally was able to meet others I could open up to about depression, and then people started coming to me telling me their experiences with depression, we were all convinced that depression allowed us to see through the bullshit and everyone was fake and no one could think as deeply or have as much introspection as us. I think in some sense it's a way of coping to make you feel better about feeling so shitty. Like, ""I hate having depression but I would never want to be like *them* and oblivious to what's real."" But you eventually grow out of that elitist crap. The world is what it is. They say people with depression have a more accurate view of life, but mainly that's due to seeing the realism of occurrences. So people who are optimists or believe in karma are often wrong, since more often than not, things don't work out as planned or the universe does not come back and reward you. Then of course there are those people who never want to hear about bad stuff going on the world, but fuck them because that's denying other people's horrific realities they are forced to live. But having depression doesn't make you any more authentic than any one else. Like any other major emotional experience, including psychedelics, you come out of depression seeing life in a different light than you had previously. You know more about yourself, what means the most to you, what you are capable of, what you value in this world, new ways of seeing ordinary things, envisioning solutions that required your mind to be in an altered state (don't just mean drugs), etc. For all the years I've had depression, all the people who have told me their stories, all that I've seen on reddit and blogs about depression, all the autobiographical books I've read, all the interviews I've watched, and all that I've experienced personally the few times in my life where I was able to actually come out of my depression (very limited in number short, brief periods of time unfortunately), I have never once heard anyone say ""I'd rather be back in my depressed state because then I could think more clearly about the world."" No, no one wants to be here, and especially once you are out, no one ever wants to come back here. You take with you what you learned and start life post-depression. People often don't come out of depression to be the exact same person they were going in. It does change you because you had experiences, emotions, feelings, and views that you probably never would have experienced otherwise. It's no different than any other major emotional experience- love, loss, death, war, children, sickness, etc (even though some of those are ""greater"" emotional experiences). This isn't the Matrix and there isn't a pill. When you get out of depression, you will always carry what you learned with you. None of that is forgotten or your memory wiped, it is a part of you. And you do with that information what you chose in how you shape your future life, outlook, and beliefs. And no, I would not want all my toys to come back to life. It's bad enough hoping the neighbors aren't getting a peak from my window. When we get older, unlike when we were children picking our noses in public, we develop much more self-consciousness, and I don't need a room full of spectators in my bedroom watching me scratch my ass or commenting every time I fart. ",-0.9992,negative,neutral 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,speaker,10,"Interesting food for thought. Tell me though - how does all this work when/if the depression subsides? The things you lost interest in when you fell into depression - do you go back to all that stuff, or is the loss of interest permanent, and you just do different things from then on? For example, I used to watch sports from time to time, but now I can't even see myself ever caring about them again. That doesn't mean I have contempt for people who enjoy them... just not for me. I feel that way about a lot of things. ",0.3839,positive,questioning 351,depressed,Existential depression is ...,listener_3,11,"Depends on the person. Some things you used to enjoy will bring you pleasure again, and others you may find you no longer have much interest in them just because you've moved on and they don't bring you the same enjoyment. It's only really an issue if you wish you could still find pleasure in whatever activity you lost interest in. Otherwise, if your general feeling about it is ""meh"" but you find other avenues in life that bring you satisfaction, entertainment, and joy, then it doesn't really matter as long as there is something in your life that allows you to start feeling actual emotions again. ",0.9746,positive,disappointed 352,depressed,Overwhelmed,speaker,1,Every day gets worse and worse. I've been unemployed for three months now and I'm behind on bills. I'm meant to start studying in July but I probably won't be able to make it because I can't even afford a laptop or transport. I'm just so upset and so alone. /end rant ,-0.9335,negative,sad 352,depressed,Overwhelmed,listener_1,2,Do you have a plan to start making any changes?,0.0,neutral,questioning 352,depressed,Overwhelmed,speaker,3,"My plan is to get a job, which I've been trying to do. Without it I can't get anywhere ",0.0,neutral,hopeful 353,depressed,He left me..and I am completely shattered,speaker,1,"My boyfriend who loved me more than his life...left me.. we wanted to get married...now he hates me.. I put him through a lot because of my bad temper and my crazy behaviours..until he couldn't handle it anymore..and now I am devastated and totally falling apart..I feel like my life has no meaning anymore... been through a bad break up before..but this won't ever heal...don't tell me it will take time..all the plans are gone..all my life is gone, I don't want to live without him..I can't focus at work..I totally lost my appetite..I can't sleep..I have anxiety attacks..I feel weak and in pain mentally and physically..I want to die",-0.9796,negative,devastated 353,depressed,He left me..and I am completely shattered,listener_1,2,"This happened to me, minus the bad tempers. I won't tell you time heals, I won't tell you it gets better. I just wanted to say you aren't alone and I feel for you because I completely know what it is like. It is god-fucking awful.",-0.3939,negative,agreeing 353,depressed,He left me..and I am completely shattered,speaker,3,How long ago did it happen to you? I am so scared and feel completely lost..I can't find any more interests in my life,-0.3503,negative,terrified 353,depressed,He left me..and I am completely shattered,listener_1,4,"five years ago. The mental anguish dissipates so it's not so invasive and overwhelming, but the love remains. And everyone I meet I compare to him, which ends up setting a pretty high bar because I know I can't be happy with anything less than what he made me feel. ",0.6861,positive,jealous 354,depressed,Gambling ruined my life,speaker,1,"I lost 15000 and am only left with 3000 left in my account. I have loans to pay off and I know what I did is completely my fault. Everytime I want to stop I end up coming back after a week. I really want to stop, this has caused me so much stress, I'm depressed. I have no one to talk to.. I just want someone to talk to. This is a cry for help, I don't know what to do. I've become so sad I'm unable to cry, I just end up lying in bed doing nothing with my sorry excuse of a life after work. I dont deserve anything anymore, im lost. I'm at the point where I want to quit my job and sit still until everything's over. I just want everything to end.",-0.9794,negative,sad 354,depressed,Gambling ruined my life,listener_1,2,"Depression and addiction. Get help. The combination is overwhelming. Google ""your town"" and ""mental health"" or something along those lines. Gambling can be an addiction as devastating as heroin addiction. I was a heroin addict years ago. After being clean for years, I went through a horrible period of great stress and loneliness in my life and suddenly, to my horror, I turned, temporarily, into a shopaholic. I hated shopping in the past but there I was on ebay and shit, ordering shit, buying shit, winning stuff I didn't need and spending $ I didn't have. It was insane and I was almost more ashamed by it than by the drug addiction. So I know what non-drug addiction feels like. It can be overcome. You have to deal with the underlying insecurity and feelings of being out of control that drive that sort of addiction. You can get over it to the point that you are not even tempted anymore. It just seems like some crazy part of your past, like that time you thought crack was fun......... Don't despair. You are certainly NOT alone. Do research. Posting here is a great start but be persistent. reddit can be random. The same post can get tons of attention one day and none the next for no reason. Don't give up easy. Get information from others who have been in the same situation as you and got out. You can. In the meantime, just decide arbitrarily, that even if it's a matter of life and death, you will not gamble. Even if it's a sure thing, you won't do it. Just decide. that's how I quit nicotine after over 30 years of smoking. It was simply no longer an option. Don't beat yourself up either.",-0.9684,negative,lonely 354,depressed,Gambling ruined my life,listener_2,3,"Just like /u/noonenone said, though I would add looking for a support group as well, along with the counseling. Being around others for support who are in the same position as you can help with your recovery, as well as hold you responsible to someone other than you. There is a National Support Line you should check out: http://www.ncpgambling.org/help-treatment/national-helpline-1-800-522-4700/",0.9501,positive,agreeing 355,depressed,Letting out some sadness,speaker,1,"I'm a 22 year old adult living in the city and going to school everyday. Everyday I wake up wondering if my life has a purpose and what or who i was put here for. I guess the best thing in the world I could get right now is a simple hug or someone who truly wanted to hear me out. Or someone who could tell me sincerely that everything will be okay and not just say it out of annoyance. I feel like tonight and lately I've realized that people who are my so called friends seem to get annoyed or think it's weird when i'm sad and vent about it. I guess maybe i am just overbearing so i guess i could understand why. I never really talked about it ever but when i do i just casually vent and they seem to be like meh. It kinda hurts. and i feel like there is something wrong with me. If someone were to say those things to me i would be there for them. I'm extremely emotional right now. School and finals, so i guess it's pretty normal for me to feel this way. I just feel like i'm goin to explode and i need someone to be here for me but i have no one and that kind sucks. i want to cry really bad but i feel like there's nothing there. I thought maybe writing this would help and it's sorta helping. I'm just studying my ass off right now trying to not be distracted and hugging my stuffed animal. Blah. I just feel really, really sad right now. I want to say i'm okay, but I don't think i am. Blah. I don't know what else to say but i want to keep talking. I'm sorry if you are reading this and thinking wtf. I know I will get though this..what sucks is that I will just have to get through it alone. I just feel very alone and that just really sucks. Whoop. Looks like my eyes watered a little. I just feel like people in my life kinda suck. They seem to be there to make me look good or have friends but in reality they are just like ""get over it,"" you will be fine. Which, i can understand but i dont think my problems sound like a spoiled teenage girl when I'm talking. I sound like someone who is crying for help. I've been seeing a therapist so that helps i suppose. I take meds, and I think that helps. I just hate life i guess. I want to say i love life and im trying to appreciate the days alive, but some nights like these are so hard. I just feel so alone. If you feel alone, please , please reach out to me. Not so I don't feel alone, but i know how it feels and it sucks. Great, now Im crying. ",0.9851,positive,trusting 355,depressed,Letting out some sadness,listener_1,2,"I'm glad you are seeing a therapist, on meds and getting help. Though you probably need a med or dosage change, or even a med addition if you are only slightly better. In general, people are crap when hearing about something bad directly from the person affected. It makes them uncomfortable since they have no clue how to respond. Until you are more emotionally mature (age doesn't matter, it depends on what you've learned in life), people don't understand that sometimes it's ok to say nothing and just *be there* for the person. Let them vent, tell them you don't understand but they are still your friend, give them a hug with no words. Instead everyone wants to offer advice, even if it's completely useless, because they feel a response is obligatory to say something. And they'll use generic crap phrases that have no meaning because saying them makes *them* feel better. Look at all those ""thoughts and prayers"" comments after a tragedy. What the hell does that do? Few people will say true words of empathy and support. even saying that you have no clue what to say is a good thing, as long as you say it in a way that's not shutting a door on a person (like, ""I don't know how to help you, quit bothering me""). Because you are recognizing that you see they are in pain, but you know nothing you can say will make it better. It took years for my mom to stop telling me ""it will get better"" and ""things will change."" She thought she was genuinely consoling me but all it would do for me is to think, ""*you* don't know whether it will get better, and in any case, I just need someone to be here for my now and let me express my pain I'm feeling *now*."" But she learned now to be there just to listen and say ""what can I do that will make it better?"" or ""I wish I could help you, I wish I could make the pain go away, but please keep talking to me."" This is why depression is such a lonely condition. We must battle it all alone. Even for me it's hard to talk about how I feel because I know the burden I am putting on other people. When something shitty happens, but the normal everyday-type shittiness, friends will rally around you because assuredly things will get better. But when day in and day out our thoughts in depression remain negative or down, people generally don't want to listen to it and stop wanting to be around you if all you are going to talk about is how shitty you feel. It's just how people are. But at the same time, you can't constantly be complaining about your life (not saying you are) because that gets on everyone's nerves. No one can sincerely tell you everything will be ok because they don't know. And as much as it hurts when your friends won't listen to you, it's often less about you and more about their own lack of ability to empathize and know how to be supportive. It's not an easy thing to do. Even people who have been in your situation and needed someone to talk to, will not always be ready to listen to others when they need it. But we're hear on this subreddit to listen. When you write on here and don't get a response, it's not because no one read it (""listened"") but because they didn't know what to say in response, because sometimes there isn't always a response. But we're listening. ",-0.9544,negative,agreeing 355,depressed,Letting out some sadness,speaker,3,"<3 thank you. I needed that. seriously, thank you. It was really relieving to read what you had to say. I just want to believe that people aren't always bad and some of the things they do aren't always because they may dislike me or don't care about me. Also, thanks everyone who read this because either way, you are listening and that means a lot. ",0.7854,positive,neutral 355,depressed,Letting out some sadness,listener_1,4,"glad I could help. And remember, we're always here whenever you need it. ",0.6908,positive,sympathizing 355,depressed,Letting out some sadness,speaker,5,awwwh *tear tear..thank you seriously. *hug seriously message me if you ever feel sad or lonely about it. I'll always be here,-0.5994,negative,wishing 356,depressed,Going to be strong,speaker,1,"I guess I am just writing this to myself as proof that I will be okay. That I am going to be strong and get though this. My grades, major, my looks, my financial state, friends, and whatever else may suck, but it's not the end of the world right? That's the thing about life, things aren't always going to happy, but that means they aren't always going to be sad. I hope I can look back to this post and be like yeah, I was sad then and yeah, i was a bit weak, but now look at me..I got passed it and I'm okay. I got through it and I'm happy that I'm still here. I know this post might not make sense, but I guess it's just me rambling to myself again. It would be so easy for me to quit and just fade away right now, but I just really want to believe that I was brought here for a reason. It may sound corny to believe in fate, but it's something that keeps me going. Maybe it sounds dumb but at least it may help me understand myself and what my purpose in life is. The moment i give up or don't believe I have a purpose will be a very sad day. I don't know what will happen. I don't know how i will react. because i may just ask myself, then why should i be here anyway? Then i might just fade away. I've been so tempted to hurt myself or just do something bad to myself, but I've been trying to be strong. I just need to keep being strong. So i'm goin to be strong, even if i am lying to myself..i'm goin to keep searching for my purpose and meaning to in life. And maybe i won't even find it, maybe my purpose in life was just to go search for it and see where it took me. I want to say I am happy i am alive, but to be honest I am not. I don't have any sickness or anything to be particular depressed about, but I just get sad about myself. I hate myself and being sad makes me dislike myself even more. I look around and see people who have gone through so much worse than me yet here i am, barely staying afloat. I want to change that though. At least I want to meet someone like me and make them see life isn't all that bad and make a difference in their life. At least that, if i can't help myself then I'd like to help someone else. I'm just rambling but I don't want to stop talking. I'm just goin to keep goin into i'm all rambled out. Sorry, once again if you are reading this and wondering if there is any structure, there isn't. It's just weird how time goes by so fast. LIke how did i get here even. Just like a lot of people, I miss being a kid. I've just entered into this transition of being a young adult(22) and it's so hard. There are so many things I am suppose to do and i'm like noo please no. I'm not saying im lazy, but I'm just a bit lost. a bit saddened. Like i wish i could just put a stop on time and be like just let me soak in this moment and then move on. I always, always feel like i've been left behind. Like everyone else is out being happy and i just didnt get the memo or something. I feel like everyone else feels some sort of sadness but no one ever really says anything and that makes me a bit sad. I've always been surrounded by people but alone. It's like I like to be alone because people tend to always hurt me, but the pain i feel now is a different pain. like a numb and sad, lonely pain. I've come to get used to it though. It's just there. The hardest thing about being a young adult is not all the new responsibilities but how lonely i've felt. It's like i was handed an axe and was told to chop a huge ass tree without having any real prior knowledge how. But, here i am, continuing to go at this huge tree. Hoping with every chop that I am doing something right. Hoping that it wont just fall down and destroy me. Hoping that when it does fall, I've bettered myself and did something good. I'm just sitting on my bed right now listening to soothing music and trying to convince myself I am goin to be okay. No matter what happens, in the end i'll be okay. I have a reason for life and I am here for a reason, even if it is just to write this post, even if no one sees it. ",0.9717,positive,hopeful 356,depressed,Going to be strong,listener_1,2,"The fact that you chose to write this post, and decided you're going to be strong proves that you are strong! I completely affirm the transition sucks, but there will be badges of honor (your very own special, internal brand) along the way. I feel the same lonliness, and after some time I've found there's something elite in that; the things you gain are only known to you. Just like the pains we feel that Noone can comprehend or get a glimpse of, the intensity of that sadness and lonliness have a yin to their yang. The gifts you receive along the way are just as intense but they're beautiful and just for you, you just need to stay strong enough to keep your eyes open so you can see them when they arive. School is hard, so fucking hard sometimes. There's so much pressure and college some at a time when we're all out of sorts for so many other reasons already. It's like some creul joke. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders though. I don't know shit, I'm just another drifter in this place we inhabit, but after much torture and delight, I think there's something to be said for finding peace through accepting balance. Everything will be ok, just keep going. Source: just had a really good, long overdue walk.",0.9935,positive,trusting 356,depressed,Going to be strong,speaker,3,"thank you. it's crazy how i actually understood/relate to everything you said. So kind and real <3 The other day i also actually took a very good, long overdue walk..yay us",0.8252,positive,neutral 356,depressed,Going to be strong,speaker,4,"I'm sorry to hear that :( If i could, I will still try, I would give you some of my strength to carry on. Please don't give up. Thank you for your reply though. *hug ",0.509,positive,sympathizing 357,depressed,Help please :(,speaker,1,"I have cried myself to sleep the last 2-3 months easily. I am trying to focus on my golf which i want to do as a career. It's hard to stay focused on it. About 5-6 months ago, i started talking to my sister's friend, almost 24/7. Literally. At Least 14-15 hours a day. I love her so much :( I've never loved anyone like this before. Since she came along, it's been hard to focus on my golf. My dad really wants to me to make it and do what i love so so much. My golf has gone downhill. My relationship with my dad is so bad. Seriously, constant fighting, arguing, name calling and just throwing insults to one another. In order to focus on my golf, i dropped out of school last June in 2015. I now have no friends. Just one close cousin of mine, who is like my brother :(( love him sm man. Me and my dad's relationship will never be like it was 6-7 years ago, all because of golf. God damn :'(. I've sat beside my dad in the car, after coming back from golf competitions which I've done shit in and he's literally just burst out crying :( my dad is a big guy and he has a huge fucking heart. It's so hard, everything is getting more and more difficult. I've been doing golf 6-7 years and I've dropped everything to do it. Now I can't talk to my dad normally without arguing and fighting. I can't stop thinking of this girl :( My cousin has a girlfriend now and he spends nearly all his time with her. I have no friends. Absolutely no one. I've got so much stress on me :(( it's so hard to do anything and I've totally lost any ambition or go that I've ever had. I have no appetite. I just don't want to do anything anymore. I can't stop the way I'm thinking. I'm sure I'm depressed. I have suicidal thoughts all the time. I live in a big house. I've literally got anything I've ever wanted. But I'd give that all away so me and my dad's relationship was good again. I shouldn't have dropped out of school. I have no part time job. I have no income. I'm so depressed. It may not read that bad but I'm honest when i say, I can't do this anymore. I've said to myself many times, fuck up and do what you want to do and get a life. It's so hard. I love my daddy so much :( I don't know what to do anymore. I may have alot of stuff but what's going on in my head is uncontrollable and i have no idea how to control my thoughts and i do not know what i am going to do :( my life is a mess help me someone please. Give me advice. I hate crying. I hate arguing. I love my dad. I love my mom. I love my sister's. I love alot of people but no one seems to love me anymore at all. :( :( ",-0.9656,negative,lonely 357,depressed,Help please :(,listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear you're having a rough go of it the last few months. All I can say is time can change your prospective, and that new prospective may not seem as bad. Feel free to pm me if you want to just talk to some one. ",0.7311,positive,sympathizing 357,depressed,Help please :(,speaker,3,Thanks man. I think I'll do this. Thanks so much,0.7411,positive,grateful 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,speaker,1,"I have major depression. I am in therapy. I see both a psychologist and a psychiatrist. I am on medication - lots of it. I wouldn't describe myself as depressed, but I am so apathetic I can't even be bothered to go get my mail. I can't get up in the morning. My drive is GONE. Any body else have this happen? What do you do?",-0.7478,negative,sad 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,listener_1,2,"I have a similar problem. I try and create reinforces for myself throughout the day so I feel motivated to do something. For example, I force myself to get out of bed in the morning to eat breakfast and drink my coffee, and if I accomplish that I feel good about myself even for just ten minutes, and that can provide me with some momentum for the rest of the day. Try to set goals each day for yourself, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant they are, I also like to use checklists. Hope this helps.",0.923,positive,confident 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,speaker,3,"Thank you. I am a checklist person too, but I haven't been able to get through them lately. I am on a new medication as of today. ",0.1901,positive,grateful 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,listener_1,4,"Yes, I can see how checklists can potentially make the problem worse. Good luck with the new medicine friend, hang in there things can get better. ",0.836,positive,consoling 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,speaker,5,You are right. Thank you. I was in a state of apathy for months. I got a med change on Wednesday and am already feeling better. ,0.5719,positive,hopeful 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,listener_2,6,"glad to hear. Sometimes there may be an immediate change with a new med that will wear off in about a week or two, but don't be discouraged. If you are working up to a higher dosage, as soon as you reach the final dose, you should start feeling better again. ",0.8637,positive,acknowledging 358,depressed,Apathy is taking over my life.,speaker,7,I didn't know that and I have been on meds for YEARS. Thanks.,0.4404,positive,neutral 359,depressed,Best Friend lost trust in me,speaker,1,"Just now, my best friend told me that she doesn't trust me anymore. After a big guessing game, I found out that the reason why she lost her trust was because I had told a small secret to a guy and she found out about it recently. We used to be confidantes and she would tell me a lot about her life. I never told anyone about her secrets, but this one was not a big one, but I told the person it was concerning. However, she disapproved of this when she found out, and admitted that I probably said small secrets but she lost my trust. She was my only friend and now I feel like I can't hold on to anything and I don't know if i can survive this sadness. I always looked forward to talking with her during school. However now she said that we can be friends but she won't make me a close friend. She also said trust is never really regained. I don't know whether I want to just leave her entirely or be not-close friends with her. As of now I think being distant friends will hurt me a lot, but I am not in a good state of mind. I am completely helpless and feel sad and regret so much. I'd do anything to get her back. I don't know how to hang on to my life, and finals are coming up :(",0.7869,positive,trusting 359,depressed,Best Friend lost trust in me,listener_1,2,"I don't know what to say to help you but if you need to talk to someone, then I will be here. ",0.2144,positive,caring 359,depressed,Best Friend lost trust in me,listener_2,3,That's not encouraging.,-0.4168,negative,acknowledging 359,depressed,Best Friend lost trust in me,listener_3,4,"Most people don't understand the difference since the word ""depressed"" is used to describe how you feel when it rains or you are having a bad hair day. In all honesty, many posts we get on here are not depression- just sadness, loneliness, nihilism, or over-reacting/lack of perspective (""my life is over because I failed my exam,"" ""I'm 19 and never had a girlfriend so I'm worthless and ugly and will be forever alone,"" etc). But what the OP is feeling is still real even if it's not depression and the OP is reaching out for some support. I don't want to scare people off who are coming for support, since sometimes people who come here don't even realize that they actually are exhibiting signs of depression. So how I generally handle posts like these is to provide them with the support/advice/comment they need (if I have any), but say something along the lines of ""this is really shitty, but it is not depression so your sadness will actually abate with time."" Or you can just put simply that this would be a better post for [whatever subreddit]. In the case of this post, would probably be better for /r/relationships (non-romantic) or /r/offmychest edit: [Additional related subreddits](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/44kpot/additional_subreddits_that_may_be_useful_for/) ",0.8767,positive,sad 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,speaker,1,"I don't know what to do with my life. I don't want to live it. It is painful and lonely. After I was done with highschool I spend 3 years already not really doing anything, then started university just to do something. Now that I have a master's degree I should find a job, but I don't really want to. I don't want anything anymore. The past 3 weeks I've been pretty much only sitting at home and the lonelyness is eating me up. People don't understand why I never have a girlfriend, why I'm not excited for life. But I'm like a dog, beaten into submission and the only thing I know how to do is duck, cover and shiver in fear in the corner of my room. The pain is not going away, I can only drown it in work. And now that I'm done with university, I can't do that anymore either. The lonelyness, desperation and hopelessness is eating me up. Every day is a fight to not break down, to not think about hurting myself. I'm apathic and waiting for it to get better, but it only gets worse. I am applying for jobs that I don't even want to work because I have to, but no one wants me anyway. My complete and utter lack of self-esteem drives them away on the rare chance I get an interview. Life is torture and every day I hope for an early end to it.",-0.9885,negative,lonely 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,listener_1,2,"What is it that beat you into submission and taught you to duck, cover and shiver in fear? Why isn't the pain going to go away? Has it been consistent throughout your life? Has anything brought momentary happiness or interest or engagement? Have you been diagnosed with depression? Why is your self-esteem so low?",0.5604,positive,questioning 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,speaker,3,"- My brother, school, my parents. In that order - I have a weird memory. I can recall a lot from my childhood from when I could barely talk. Sometimes I talk to people and then I know stuff and am totally confused how they could not know it even though we learned it in 5th grade. I don't remember everything but too much. Especially emotional events, and my childhood had plenty of bad emotional events etched into my mind. And I fully relive the pain every time something similar (even totally innocent triggers) occur. I've had a couple of really happy moments. When I was 16 a girl willingly spend hours sitting next to me and hugged me and was interested, that kinda collapsed my world. But those moments don't last, and the solitude and the prison of my mind are much worse once you have tasted the sweet sent of being cared for. Oh and I loved playing football and doing music. But I collected too many bad experiences with either, so I just go for a run alone from time to time to escape sitting in my room 24/7 all day every day, and I only practice music in secret. The pain will not go away. I can cover it up by clogging my mind with work, or playing games or other stuff. But I still remember and suffer from it. And my character and my way of thinking is so screwed up by now that there is no hope for it to get better, ever. - Nope, I have not been diagnosed, at least not officially. Really conservative religious parents. My brother destroyed my morale when I started to become a concious child by beating me up, betraying me to look better in front of other people, hitting me whenever I'd do somethign I shouldn't. Or when he was in a bad mood. He was in a bad mood a lot. To survive and somehow retain self-worth I decided that I was smarter than anyone else, and made sure everyone in school knew that. Which lead to a ton more problems. Then I got diagnosed with problems of precise hand movements, so I went to physiotherapy for a while (young teenager). The lady noticed I had a bloated self-esteem and gave me tasks that I just could not do, which lead to quite the meltdown. Ever since then I've been nothing. Went through the rest of my school hiding in the shadows and the computer lab. At highschool people noticed me for that, so I learned basic rules of social behaviour (until I was 15 I had no idea you say ""hello"" to a stranger) to not stick out. But my self-esteem remains destroyed, me being a worthless piece of trash is the only way my childhood makes any sense to me. To get through university I split my personality. I still know that I'm a worthless piece of trash, but I don't put it between myself and other people, I just ignore it. Of course this leads to awkward break-downs at some point in human interaction and drives people away like nothing else. And every day is a tough battle to not be depressed for over ten years now, to grasp onto some small piece of hope no matter how ridiculous, to push on for just another day. To not just sit in my chair, hoping life would pass somehow. Waiting for nothing.",-0.9905,negative,nostalgic 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,listener_2,4,"you do need to go back and speak with a professional about depression treatment through therapy and possibly medication. Otherwise, nothing is going to change for you. It is obvious from what you write that you need to speak with a therapist to help you sort out and address all that is in your mind currently. You are old enough that your conservative religious parents are of no impediment anymore. ",-0.4939,negative,agreeing 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,speaker,5,"thank you, I do appreciate the kind words.",0.8225,positive,sympathizing 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,listener_3,6,Keep your head up. Things will change. If you ever need anything feel free to DM me ,0.5106,positive,suggesting 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,speaker,7,"I disagree. I did go speak to a professional for quite a while. Actually I tested multiple ones before sticking with one that was the least bad. In the end everything leads to ""no one can help yourself but yourself"" anyways, but I knew that before going in, and going there didn't really help with anything. Didn't take any medication so far, as long as you don't count chocolate. But I strongly dislike taking any medicine, and it won't help with my thinking patterns, as the premises do not get questioned. Oh and my parents won't stand in my way for most things anymore, just what they etched into my behaviour. Don't wanna talk about why. Can things change at all? Don't they change slowly over time? Am I walking in circles and ending up at where I started? Is it worth the journey? Shouldn't I just give up now? I don't know :/ Chances are I messed mine up and won't get much more. Oh well. I do appreciate you taking the time to read through my walls of text and advising. Thank you :)",0.8837,positive,apprehensive 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,listener_2,8,"Medication does change your thinking pattern. And your refusal to not try certain treatment aspects only limits what's available to help treat you. It's not necessarily that no one can help you but yourself, but moreso talking out with someone all these thoughts that are flying around in your head to at least get try to get them sorted out, not to mention a fresh and outside opinion on them. Therapists that you like are not easy to find. It's like finding a best friend. It's someone you think listens to you, someone who makes you feel respected, someone who you are opening up your most private thoughts to and can feel comfortable about doing that, and someone whose advice you might be willing to try. And just like a best friend, it's not always going to work out with the first few you happen to meet. The only way for things to change is for something else to be added into the equation that forces a change. It's like physics. Objects keep speed, momentum, and direction indefinitely so long as no other outside force cause a change in their constant state. And like objects, you will be affected by your own type of gravity. Gravity slow objects down, and your life will just continue to slow down as well until you come to a complete stop (major depressive crash). Certain things do change on their own over time- like strong emotions such as sadness over a specific situation will start to be less of an all consuming emotion, and memories (that are not traumatic, just crappy) stop being as intrusive and vivid, but that hardly fixes the overall problem that the sadness and pain are there in the first place and still affecting you. And you didn't mess up your life without any chances yet. That's just being overly dramatic and seeing life through the very limited scope of what you mind currently allows. You can sit around waiting for some unexpected, unlikely monumental change in your life to just happen, but the chances of that are slim. Not to mention, all the old issues will still be present. So say you found great love- that's like a band aid until all these other issues are dealt with because they will remain festering, they will not just disappear. Is it worth the journey? That's up to you. If you think your life is worth being better than it is, then you do whatever it takes to make that happen. ",0.9965,positive,apprehensive 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,speaker,9,"*Therapists that you like are not easy to find. It's like finding a best friend.* I see. No chance then. It's not that I'm not open to trying new things, but I've never had a best friend in the way you describe them. I just share a small portion of myself with people, the portion that matches their personality and views best and that they can handle. Don't want everyone to run away from me. I don't think there exists a person that could be like a best friend to me. Also my life isn't worth anything at all. And I don't think it *can* be better, hence the desperate outcry. But I do realize that this was just a mistake and makes other people worry and wastes time on nothing and I don't want to do that. There is no better life for me than this and all I can do is to try to have as little negative impact on others as possible. Apologies for posting here, and I'll delete everything soon.",0.787,positive,trusting 360,depressed,Waiting for nothing,listener_2,10,"I didn't say your therapist *is* your best friend. I'm just saying it does take some searching to find one you can connect with. None of the other stuff you wrote matters in terms of finding a therapist. Yes, you are making a desperate outcry which is why we are here for you. But you are also be fatalistic without putting much actual effort into helping yourself. You are only looking for reasons to confirm your hopelessness rather than actually trying to combat it. The fact that you turned around my therapist comment into a comment about how you don't think you can have a best friend is a perfect example of this. Don't delete your post. You aren't wasting my time and you aren't having a negative impact. Instead, look at what you wrote. Look at what others wrote (and will write) to you. And do something proactive. Right now you are only looking for confirmation that your life is hopeless and you counter anyone who says otherwise. If you want your life to be hopeless, then it will be. Like they say to any alcoholic- you can't be helped until you want to help yourself. And right now you are full of excuses of why you can't be helped. But with your excuses and unwillingness to help yourself, you seem to be the only one in the way of starting on the path to a better life. Depression is fucking horrible. I know this. I live this every day. But I fight my ass off. Right now you seem to *want* your life to be worthless and us to agree with you so you don't have to do any work. The only reason why this is a waste of time is because you are refusing to listen to anything that doesn't fit the small box of how you declared your life to be, and your insistence that it will never change. The easy way to turn it into not a waste of time is to quit looking for reasons to convince yourself there is no hope and instead focus your energy on finding ways that may offer hope. ",0.342,positive,disappointed 361,depressed,In need,speaker,1,I need a friend. ,0.4939,positive,lonely 361,depressed,In need,listener_1,2,I feel you. I have exactly zero fucking friends My therapist is the closest thing and she's paid to jerk me off so that kind of ruins it. Lol,0.1531,positive,lonely 361,depressed,In need,listener_2,3,Fuck you're lucky at least you get sex.,-0.1779,negative,neutral 361,depressed,In need,speaker,4,Thanks for responding. ,0.4404,positive,wishing 361,depressed,In need,listener_1,5,Of course. Nothing worse than saying how alone you feel and having Noone reapond. :/ been there. I hope things get better soon for you.,0.6065,positive,consoling 361,depressed,In need,speaker,6,"I'm still feeling a bit down, but better than I was. ",0.6249,positive,sad 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,7,How was your day? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 361,depressed,In need,speaker,8,Alright. ,0.25,positive,faithful 361,depressed,In need,speaker,9,A bit boring. ,-0.3182,negative,neutral 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,10,Good morning,0.4404,positive,wishing 361,depressed,In need,speaker,11,Hello,0.0,neutral,wishing 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,12,How are you? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 361,depressed,In need,speaker,13,I still am feeling pretty low. ,0.3818,positive,sad 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,14,Try to look on the bright side. Like one good thing which happened today,0.8074,positive,grateful 361,depressed,In need,speaker,15,"Ok, a good thing that happened today? I was in a good mood. ",0.7003,positive,joyful 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,16,Hey sup,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 361,depressed,In need,listener_3,17,See that is a good thing! Then smile and be ready to face another day ,0.8016,positive,hopeful 362,depressed,The story of my depression. Part 1.,speaker,1,"When I was a sophomore in college I had a roommate named (something like) Garry Borman III. I don't know how we met. Some mutual friends in the dorms, probably. This was my first apartment on my own. He was an African-American kid, short and chatty, struggling to pass his classes. He was rich and a little spoiled, and came to school with a new-ish BMW. I am white, tall and quiet, and everything academic came easy to me. I didn't get much in the way of money, but over the summer had saved up enough to buy a motorcycle, a Suzuki 380. Harry's father was an orthopedic surgeon, and over the summer Garry had worked in his father's medical office. He stole a prescription pad and forged his father's signature and acquired a bag of amphetamines. Not a little bag. A bag the size of a cantaloupe tied with a zip tie that stretched like a big water balloon when you held it up. Black and white gel caps, filled with tiny white ball bearings that he showed my how to crush up and snort. I'd read all of Hunter S Thompson and all of the Beats and tried cocaine once and smoked a lot of pot in the dorm, even taken mushrooms once but this was the first time I had ever tried speed. I liked it. After Garry would go to bed, I would get out the bag and crush out a few lines. His car keys were always lying around the living room somewhere. His car was fun to drive. I had never driven a fast car before. My parents had Hondas and Toyotas. I drove it up into the hills, where the roads were windy and steep, through the fog and above the fog, sometimes through the tunnel into the suburban towns on the other side of the hills and then back. I'd get lost. No GPS, not even a map. Just keep driving until something looks familiar. Drive faster and faster and get nowhere faster. I'd stop at a lookout with a view, do a few more lines and think about what it would be like to put a shotgun in my mouth and pull the trigger, because that's what the fat ugly shy girl I almost had sex with and then laughed at to everyone did. I told my friends I would have sex with her and make a tape of it. I said I'd do it in the commons room behind a curtain. I don't know why I said these things. In the end I made out with her in her room, on her bed and got her clothes off and then stopped and told her I had to leave. I was scared. I never talked to her again after that. One day at the very end of the semester she walked into my room with a bucket of water and dumped it on my bed and walked away. We laughed at her. Crazy. And then she disappeared, never took her finals. Her roommate asked me if I ever really liked her. I didn't know. And then the next year we heard that she had killed herself. With a gun. Today I don't remember her name, but I remember the expression on her face when she walked into my room and poured the water on my bed. The ends of her mouth turned down. Some hair on her upper lip. A flat nose. Red eyes. I went to see a psychologist at the the school. Probably just a grad student, I realize now. I told her about my drives and how I thought about putting a shotgun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. I didn't really want to kill myself, no, I just wanted to know what it was like. I couldn't have said this then but I think now it was that I wanted to know what it was like to feel that much. You know, I don't really feel very much. I'm anhedonic by nature, and made even more so by nurture. I was pretty sure she killed herself because of me. (Sure, sure. I don't know that's true. I don't know what else was going on in her life. In fact, I don't even know if its true. For all I know she dropped out of school and re-enrolled somewhere else and lived happily ever after.) But in my mind she killed her self because she had felt something and then lost it. I had made her feel something and then I took it away from her. The eyes of the student psychologist went wide when I told her about the shotgun. I tried to tell her that it wasn't about killing myself, but that part never came out right. I think you should see someone with more experience, she said, and gave me a small piece of paper with a name and number. I went home, poured the white powder ball bearings out of one of Garry's black and white capsules onto the coffee table, crushed them up with my student ID card and snorted them through a rolled-up dollar bill. I didn't go to the other doctor. I didn't see another shrink until about 15 years later. By then was too late. By then I had done the same thing dozens of times: I made someone feel something. I made it seem like I was feeling something too. Something like love. But eventually the truth always came out. I feel nothing. I feel fear and anger and regret, but only for myself, not for anyone else. Especially not love. I didn't even know what that was. I was pretending to feel all those other things because it seem like what you were supposed to do. Yesterday I googled Garry for the first time ever. He's a lawyer. One of the sites where he's listed warns ""Extreme Caution! This lawyer has been disciplined by a state licensing authority."" He has a son, Garry IV, who worked as an intern in his father's law office and is in college now. Garry II retired from his practice not long ago. I wish I could remember the name of the girl who threw water on my bed. I wish I could find her. Maybe its not true. Maybe she was shaken and even a little fucked up for a while, but made it through and now is living a normal life, and maybe hates me a little, or maybe doesn't even remember any of that, but is alive. If you are alive, or if something like this happened to you. I'm sorry. As much as I can feel, I feel sorry. I'm so so sorry. ",0.8952,positive,jealous 362,depressed,The story of my depression. Part 1.,listener_1,2,"Thank you for sharing that portion of your story. And I'm very sorry you're in such a difficult and painful place right now. Remember, our minds, our thinking, are being contorted and twisted by depression's toxic spew. It wants us to dwell on our imperfections, our mistakes, our weaknesses, our pain. It magnifies them so we only see ourselves as a bad person. It lenses distort everything we see or think about. Sometimes CBT or other psychology methods can help to tone down the rumination. I use meditation or audiobooks. If you are in danger, at all, contact someone, anyone, even me, until you can connect with a live person. Please. It can help.",-0.8748,negative,sympathizing 362,depressed,The story of my depression. Part 1.,speaker,3,Thanks. It's helpful to write it down and get it out. No imminent danger.,0.7412,positive,acknowledging 362,depressed,The story of my depression. Part 1.,listener_1,4,"You're so right about writing things out. Journals can be very helpful. Glad you're safe. Remember, just take it one minute, hour, day, at a time. ",0.8508,positive,agreeing 363,depressed,Help me!!,speaker,1,"Since my near fatal bike crash in bermuda on September 24th 2014, i spent 3 days in a coma. I had 11 operations to rebuild my face and my wrist. In my time in recovery, i have been prescribed anti depressants. And i have been taking them every day, for the last 19 months. But in the last 2 months i decided i didn't need them anymore. I really dont want to rely on medication to make me the man i used to be. But its seeming like i cant live a normal life without the tablets. Im stuck in limbo right now. Im angry, im pissed off, im a nervous wreck all the time. If the door bangs in the house, im up and looking about for someone, even though i live alone and i know its the wind. I really dont want to take any more pills. What can i do to be a normal person again??? ",-0.98,negative,sad 363,depressed,Help me!!,listener_1,2,"Well, when you need medication to help you live a ""normal"" life, that doesn't make you not normal. What you went through was traumatic and the doctors decided you needed to be put on antidepressants. What you can do is go back on them until you are actually in a place where you are able to function without them. As long as you need meds to function, you need meds. It's not shameful, it doesn't make you not normal, it doesn't mean you're weak. You should probably start seeing a therapist as well. You may find that therapy along is enough to help without the meds, but since you stopped the anti-depressants, you developed anxiety as well. All of us here want to go back to being the person we were. You are not less of a person than you were just because you are now on medication. ",0.5672,positive,sad 363,depressed,Help me!!,speaker,3,"Thank you for the kind words and the inspiration. Update: Ive been in the horrors for the last few weeks. Came off meds cold turkey, quit my job, spent 3 weeks climbing the walls at home and was considering an option out. Fortunately for me i stayed strong. ",0.836,positive,grateful 363,depressed,Help me!!,listener_1,4,"that's not how it works. Anti-depressants, like any other medication have half lives. Doesn't matter how long you've been taking them, they leave you body at the same rate, whether you've been on them for a year or twenty years. Discontinuation syndrome only lasts a few days for a few weeks at most. Although it is possible that the OP is having discontinuation syndrome for an oddly extended period of time given the improper way he or she just stopped cold turkey, waiting and waiting is not the answer. It means that discontinuation syndrome is not the cause of the symptoms if they are lasting that long, and rather the symptoms are caused by a relapse in the depression. http://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/going-off-antidepressants http://www.amednews.com/article/20090309/health/303099976/4/ http://www.aafp.org/afp/2006/0801/p449.html ",-0.5226,negative,neutral 363,depressed,Help me!!,listener_2,5,"I will check out your links. thanks for including sources. Your assertion that ""discontinuity syndrome"" only lasts a few days or a few weeks at most"" is incommensurate with my experience and understanding of brain plasticity.",0.4404,positive,agreeing 363,depressed,Help me!!,listener_1,6,"I'm glad you stayed strong, but what you did by coming off your meds cold turkey wasn't a smart move in the first place and put you in that awful situation. The general rule of thumb is not not purposely do something that will only make you feel worse. ",-0.8354,negative,neutral 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,speaker,1,"I'm stuck - at this moment I'm incredibly depressed. I'm frustrated because I seem to have no ability to do anything, no 'get up and go' or anything like that. But inside, I have a desire to do something, to be creative... I'd wish I felt no desire to be creative, then I could ride this episode out much easier. Or I could actually, you know - 'do something' - which sounds so much easier to say than do at the moment. Problem is, I'm not really creative. I suck at art, I suck at photography, I suck at making music, etc, etc. This is not just my observation, I've noticed this over the years. For example: I posted a few photographs on Facebook - couple of 'likes' and a few nice comments. My wife did the same - way more of both. Made me feel like shit to be honest. Something I'd done for years, and she's picked up in the last couple of years and it made me feel like - what is the fucking point? I hate having this idea of perfectionism in my mind - it cripples me. I could try to draw something, but what I see in my head (fucking awesome scenes and imagination) and what comes out (a child could do better) make it utterly pointless. I'm now halfway through a 3-day weekend with nothing done, no desire to, and I can feel the frustration rising, leading to further depression. So it's back to those two seemingly unobtainable options: 1. Have no desire to do something creative or 2. Actually do something, suck at it but keep going. Sorry for the rant, just need to write this down.",0.4579,positive,disappointed 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,listener_1,2,"Among many other things, this is also an issue I face during my depression. I can relate and it isn't an easy choice. As far as facebook you also have to remember, that in general women will receive more ""likes"" on facebook. I am a woman, and I'm not saying this in a sexist way. What I mean is that I'm guessing she is friends with more women than you, and women will far more often ""like"" and comment on things on other's pages, even things that to me seem ridiculously trivial or mundane. So the difference in reactions may just be the result of that. My pick between the two is to continue doing things, but do them for yourself and not with the intention of presenting them to the world. Just to keep yourself distracted, entertained, feeling accomplished, whatever. And don't bother with showing others. And hopefully with the battle in your mind, the desire to do something and be creative will overpower your need for perfectionism. Because if you are doing something just to do it, not with the intention of looking for outside reaction, you can take that pressure off yourself and know that you can easily throw away whatever you don't like but at least you tried to do something. ",0.9511,positive,jealous 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,speaker,3,"> My pick between the two is to continue doing things, but do them for yourself and not with the intention of presenting them to the world. This - this is the issue I face. I want to be seen as good enough - but really I should just be focusing on my own enjoyment of what I do, and the aim should not be for 'likes' or other forms of approval. Tackling this first would be the big step forward, and maybe at some point in the future when the sensation of perfectionism is lessened, to be able to show things off, without fear of 'approval'. For some reason I've never seen this, or it's never really hit home and made sense until your post. I do have another hobby (miniatures painting) which is very much a 'show off' skillset, but to do it for the sake of my own personal enjoyment would make a lot of difference to my own sustained interest. I just need to remind myself of that in some way. Any ideas on a quote to fit this? Thank you so much, undercurrents, you majestic internet stranger - you've helped a lot.",0.9853,positive,proud 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,listener_1,4,"glad I could say something that helps. I have a friend who is back in school getting a photography major and his pictures are crazy unique. I just stare at them every time and ask ""how the hell did you think of doing this?"" He likes to play with lighting effects a lot through endless methods on his DSLR which allows for long exposures, and then may fiddle with them in photoshop but doing ridiculously tedious layering that no one would think of going to that extent. He gets them displayed at school and wins awards, but doesn't share them on facebook and you have to specifically ask to see his photos, he won't just offer to show them to you. I was thinking about him when I read your post and it occurred to me what brings him joy about them. When you ask him how the photo was made, he lights up explaining the process. And he'll end it will ""it took a few times to figure out it but I finally got it."" So for him, although he acts like he doesn't care what others think, I'm sure he still does enjoy their reactions. But he feels no need to just put his stuff out there and wait for feedback, and it has nothing to do with fear of how they will react. I now see that for him all the enjoyment stemmed from the process of making the photo and being happy with his idea and the finished piece (and if he's not happy with it, he shrugs and scraps the idea and tries something else. I've watched him do this with no seeming attachment to the idea that didn't work. Almost like, ""if I do it and it looks good, that's great. But if it sucks, oh well I'll try something else."") So I think he pretty much has filled his need for satisfaction just by being happy with it himself. If others see it and like it, it's a bonus but not necessary for him to be proud of his work, and certainly never a factor in whether he enjoyed the process of making the final photograph. So you can see it like that. Find almost all of your satisfaction and enjoyment in the process, and if it turns out as you hoped, that fulfills the rest. And if others like it, then that's an added bonus. For some reason this analogy popped in my mind, it may or may not work. When people travel, they travel for themselves. They may take pictures to show others afterward, but the point of the trip wasn't the aftermath of showing others the photos and telling them stories. That's just an added bonus. The real purpose of the trip was the actual trip itself and what you were doing during that ""process."" Maybe that analogy works for when you do your creative pieces whether they be art, music, or photography. Enjoy the process. I've heard this quote, it seems to work well here. “Do your thing. Do it every day. Do it 'unapologetically'. Don’t be discouraged by criticism. You probably already know what they’re going to say. Pay no mind to the fear of failure. It’s far more valuable than success. Take ownership, take chances and have fun. And no matter what, don’t ever stop doing your thing.” ― Asher Roth edit: I'm a mod on this sub and I was being nosey into your account (mainly I check to see whether people are using fake accounts). But I noticed you posted in anhedonia which is a dead sub. I encourage you to repost that here. I just had an entire conversation yesterday with my brother trying to explain just how horrible the symptom of anhedonia is. Doesn't matter if you just saved the world, it may not being you any sense of enjoyment and that a terrible thing. There is a famous video on depression by Professor Sapolsky (it's in my stickied posts at the top of this sub with the ""massive lists"") where he says depression is one of the worst diseases because its characteristic manifestation is an inability to appreciate sunsets. And the room laughs. And I want to punch them all. Hopefully these prospective psychologists will learn to understand just how horrible it is to go through life without being able to really ""feel"" and to have passion, love, joy, and happiness. And also that quality of life is far more important than longevity of life. Depression may not outright kill you, but it kills all that it means to be you. And that's a far worse fate. ",0.9979,positive,impressed 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,speaker,5,"Maybe I should post on there - I have done a couple of times (and I'll forgive you going all NSA on me /s ) I've struggled with depression a lot of my life, since my teens. It's only in the last couple of years I understood anhedonia as part of the wider symptoms, not just a separate condition. So in relation to the video - I can sometimes appreciate a sunset completely, sometimes appreciate a sunset but because of a lack of pleasure derived from seeing it, cannot express how it feels (because it doesn't) and other times I'd be lucky to actually want to go outside to see anything. Part of the sub's issue is I don't think it's linked, or even actively moderated - hence it being dead as such. I may message the mod and see if there's anything I could help with on it. PS - the reason I asked for a quote is to print something out and set it up next to my desk where I used to do some hobby stuff. Hopefully it'll remind me I'm going to do it for me, not for others to validate me.",0.9318,positive,surprised 364,depressed,I wish for one of two options - both of which would he me immensely,listener_1,6,">Maybe I should post on there Unless you mistyped, you misunderstood what I wrote. I said that you should repost your anhedonia post here on r/depressed. ",-0.34,negative,suggesting 365,depressed,I don't like myself,speaker,1,"I do not like myself. I don't know why anyone would like me. I'm a little overweight, i'm short, i'm a geek. I've always had people lecture me about this or that. What I'm doing wrong and what I need to do. Or how I should dress or act. I don't know what is really me anymore. I'm so sad. I don't have any friends. No one wants to stay my friend cause all I do is be sad. I bring others down, cause I'm so down.. ",-0.9241,negative,lonely 365,depressed,I don't like myself,listener_1,2,Medication ? Have you actually spoke about this to anyone?,0.0,neutral,questioning 365,depressed,I don't like myself,speaker,3,I have talked about this with some people before. I am on Zoloft.,0.0,neutral,faithful 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",speaker,1,"If I were to name my good points...I'm not as fat as I feel I am ( wiegh around 80kgs), I can easily choose what food is right for me(I never drink energy drinks-last time I did was over 6months ago, at a social event). I always think before eating a chocolate or candy. I go for fruit instead. My bad points include: Not having anyone that gives a damn about my life, they say they do(including parents) but they never have time to talk, noone listens. They don't want to hear how shit your life is. Ever. WHAT A LOAD OF FUCKING NONSENSE. Also includes my smart yet anal brain which always looks towards the negative side. It's the way I am now. And also includes my body which is feeling weaker every day. Probably cause insomnia. My teeth turn a noticeable yellow if I don't brush. Blah blah blah life sucks for 5 years straight, all I'm doing is entertaining myself with Tv and videogames till it gets worse. My back is feeling tighter every day, and my neck already has some restricted movement, I can feel the fat rolls sinking in when I turn my head. Disgusting. I also have scars or something from my little moobs...I forgot what they are...but my skin is the opposite of flawless. I have really bad backnee(God I hate that word)..it's almost down to my ass. And I cbf having a hairstyle or trimming my beard so I'm forever a mess. And I get shamed for it, if it ins't my mum shaming me, It's just the looks people give me that's enough to murder a cactus with my bare hands. If I didn't know who I was, I would think hey I'm not so bad. But really I'm the fucking lowest of losers. Because I fucking care and fucking pussyfoot my way through everything, and never get anything done. Nervous energy. The internet no longer entertains me, I have become a slave to it, and I don't even have the comment karma to prove it. Yeah I'm a guy not even turned 21 and this is my thought process. Fuck My Life. Be glad you have it easy you fancy fucks. Fucking attractive people. Everyone but myself. Even the fucking homeless person. I don't even know what's so FUCKING entertaining about typing this shit here, cause I know noone would ever come to a sub to read a post and help the person who's dying in this fucking stupid ass fucking sub. They only come here to post. Like my selfish unforgivable loathsome fucking self.",-0.9966,negative,content 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",listener_1,2,"hey buddy, do u want to talk ? The world may be unfair but dont give up on it",-0.2263,negative,questioning 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",speaker,3,I dunno dude. A talk would be ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",listener_2,4,"I don't think your problem is depression necessarily. I think you have body dysmorphia combined with a narcissistic attitude. I think if you started making positive steps like grooming yourself, getting products or treatment for your backnee (by the way not a huge deal, I had it for years and I just got used to it). But I think you have a slightly higher view on yourself which brings you down when people don't respond to you because it hits twice as hard due to your expectations. You're a normal human. If Noone can help you, help yourself.",0.8099,positive,disappointed 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",listener_1,5,pm :),0.4588,positive,wishing 366,depressed,"Bored of life, tired of life, Parent's care about everyone but myself. I am a tired individual. Is there hope yet, and why should I care?",speaker,6,"Well, normally I'd agree. Except I was diagnosed with severe anxiety AND severe depression around 3 years ago by my psychologist. You're right in that it's more than depression, but this seems to be the right sub. If you find any other subs, do me a favour and link them back.",-0.1628,negative,agreeing 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,speaker,1," I am gonna whine now, being drunk and honest. And you are gonna listen, cause I don't have anyone else to whine to. To my parents, I'm a dumpster for hard feelings after a bad day. Don't have a girlfriend, or any friend that really knows me, nor do I know how to make some. I don't know myself, too. The more I think the more confused I get. Heartbeat, hot waves, sweaty hands, can't sleep. Graduated 1 week ago. Desperately studying to get out of my miserable home and country for the last 7 months, but oooh no, fuck you, says the universe. I'm gonna shit all over the exam and be stuck in this shithole for Buddha knows how long. ",-0.9615,negative,lonely 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,listener_1,2,"I think the key is not waiting for things to come to you, or events, or life events; but going out there and seizing your own future for yourself. ",0.0,neutral,hopeful 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,speaker,3,Why? How is this going to improve my situation in the slightest? ,0.504,positive,questioning 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,speaker,4,"Gonna consider that, but I highly doubt the in the good outcome. Still, thanks for sharing. P.S I see you answer to many of the depressed people around here. Are you one of us or just someone who cares? Direct question.",0.8053,positive,questioning 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,speaker,5,"True, true. Well, I think I'll listen to you and look for a job. After Sunday's exam, that is. ",0.7717,positive,faithful 367,depressed,Just another depressed teenager. And drunk.,speaker,6,"No luck till now. Tried several jobs, nobody seems to want me. It's hilarious.",0.1331,positive,disappointed 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,speaker,1,"Something I keep repeating in my head over and over is the phrase ""You are in charge of your own happiness"". I'm sad. Not in the sense of right now, nor do I mean that I cannot be in a good mood or happy. I just mean in an overall stance I am sad and it seems to kick in whenever I don't have something else to fill my thoughts. Worst of all though it just feels like I have all the ingredients of an awesome life full of everything I could every want. Its just... where did I put that recipe? I'm even struggling to find the words to write because its so hard for me to understand so maybe I'll just use a list to vaguely explain it. * Firstly ADHD- 60mg of adderall a day * Off meds I am literally the worst person I know * I've got angry and a short fuse. * people do not stay in my life for long * I am way too over sensitive * The only real people I talk to are cooworkers at work * I am very self punishing (ex I couldn't work out a way to stop leaving my lunches in the car and they would start to smell. So I stopped bringing lunches) * I'm immature in both a negative and positive way, expect the positive way can mostly be a negative in adult life. * I am terrible with people in general not to mention I'm very difficult *And even though I realize and work on all these things, it seems like as soon as i'm in the real word I'm no different. I think I could go on and on with the right question asked. Basically I need to become a good person, one that isn't me at all and I have put the last two years into making myself that person. Even though I would be a fool to believe I haven't made progress, I'm just so tired. About six months ago I decided that I didn't care anymore and boy was that a mistake. The biggest impact to my new lack of caring was my food intake. I used to be 5'5 160sh pounds to the scale said 132 today. To the point where I wont shave my facial hair because people say I look too skinny since my cheeks sink in a bit. I've come to a point where I don't think I can figure this out on my own. I just want to care ",-0.972,negative,sad 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,listener_1,2,I hear you,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,speaker,3,"Thank you for your time. I do agree that my meds are contributing to my weight loss but for a while there I really had a handle on it. I've been fighting to get back on track but often I can't even be bothered to eat. Also you're right, I feel like I know how to fix this. I just can't seem to put it to practice",0.5095,positive,agreeing 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,speaker,4,"A good person is who I want to be though. The person I am, or rather the person I was for 24 ,years until meds was horrible. That person isn't allowed to exist anymore ",-0.0772,negative,faithful 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,listener_2,5,"Honestly you sound a lot like me a few years ago. I can't say I'm cured but I can say it no longer has the hold on me it once did. It wasn't always easy but what it did come down to for me was pushing myself to do and think ways I normally didn't. I pushed myself to make a new group of freinds and support system. I also had to deal with allowing myself to show emotion to others. After being so numb for so long it wasn't easy to change how I behaved around co-workers, family and freinds. Honestly accepting my own happness and feeling I could share/show it was as hard for me as finding my happyness. Glad to chat with ya any time about what ever is on your mind.",0.6866,positive,sentimental 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,listener_3,6,"I think every day is an exercise in finding what we desire about ourselves, as long as you stick to the routine of making your goals in accepting the changes that we must make, then that is the way it will work. In my history, changing my personality to be ""Nicer"" left me open to having people scam and insult me. so I felt really stupid about not being defensive when i needed to be. forcing me to overlook danger. so learn from mistakes and don't beat yourself up ;) ",-0.833,negative,embarrassed 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,speaker,7,> open to having people scam and insult me. You hit the nail on the head here my friend and this is actually a part of my issue. I'm often take things too far when confronted or when I'm in some sort of conflict. I tried to work on it and when I couldn't get anything thing else to work I opted to just let things go. To almost the complete opposite where I avoid it all together because I'm worried that I'm either wrong or going to blow it out of proportion. I also feel really stupid a lot and that sucks because I'm not but I allow other people to make me feel like that. Unless of course I'm 100% sure I'm right because then of course I go way too far to prove it to you. Than you're insulted and its about the time I realize what I'm doing and of course... feel stupid. I didn't ask a question but thoughts? ,-0.9412,negative,apprehensive 368,depressed,*Make sure to change title if you actually submit.,listener_3,8,"Adderal has a side effect... or withdrawal symptom - irritability, unstability, being a dick/bitch and pretty much overreaction. if you take medication regularly, you will find a pattern adjustment and feel a little more accomplished. that's what i'm experiencing. http://adderalladdictionsupport.com/adderall-withdrawal-symptoms/#WhatIt_Feels_Like_To_WithdrawFrom_Adderall ",0.4792,positive,sad 369,depressed,Fuck the world and fuck the system,speaker,1,"everyday I wake up i have nothing to do, just sit and browse the web in my parents house. Almost 24, i have nothing to show for. I try to get a job and can't get one for shit, everyone is looking for people with experience. I have none, all I just got was a college degree in engineering. Social life sucks, do nothing on weekends except just sit on my laptop and go to sleep. Everyone I know is traveling around the world and I'm just sitting here. Completely missed out on social experiences during school and college, never had a date, a kiss, or even lose virginity. Been trying to get myself together by working out, start a business or do something. All i have inside me is hatred and pissed off. Hatred kept inside you is poison for you so I'm going to release it and use it as a fuel to say fuck the world and fuck the system. No matter what happens or what your accomplish I and our entire civilization will be irrelevant on a cosmic scale. I started this post to write about my depression, but in the middle I've come to the conclusion I'm completely out of fucks. So I'm going to go out and do whatever as I damn please, cause fuck the world and fuck the system. Fear doesn't effect me, what is the worst thing that could happen to me: ashamed, embarrasing, failure....in the grand scheme of things these are irrelevant and insignificant. I'll dead one day anyway so what's the point of being afraid... I say fuck it",-0.9958,negative,lonely 369,depressed,Fuck the world and fuck the system,listener_1,2,I say .. Smile,0.3612,positive,joyful 369,depressed,Fuck the world and fuck the system,listener_2,3,Do you even understand depression?,-0.5719,negative,questioning 370,depressed,Suicidal,speaker,1,I am about to explode but I'm not aloud to talk to anyone about my problems. This is the only place I have found that my parents wouldn't know about. Does anybody want to talk?,-0.4767,negative,apprehensive 370,depressed,Suicidal,listener_1,2,Whats good? ,0.4404,positive,questioning 370,depressed,Suicidal,listener_2,3,Keep on keepin on. You are not alone. Take things one step at a time. Don't look at problems at a whole. Focus on one thing at a time and do what you need to do to accomplish that then move onto the next. Life is tough and we all can find happiness. It's just harder for some of us.,0.8359,positive,hopeful 371,depressed,Talk to me?,speaker,1,I could really use some help. If anyone would be willing to talk with me about it. It would be much appreciated 👍,0.7402,positive,suggesting 371,depressed,Talk to me?,listener_1,2,I feel the same way. What would you like to talk about?,0.3612,positive,questioning 371,depressed,Talk to me?,speaker,3,Thank you so much I need that,0.3612,positive,grateful 372,depressed,Feeling lost,speaker,1,"Been in love with my best friend and ive tried to move on from those feelings but i cant shake them. she has absolutely no interest in me and will never will and i dont know what i could possible do. When i look at her their is nothing like it, she is the most beautiful person ive ever seen, not just cuz shes pretty, but cuz i know she is truly the kindest and nicest person i know and the only person i can put all my trust into. Mainly just looking to vent but thanks for anytime spent reading or any replies ",0.9845,positive,faithful 372,depressed,Feeling lost,listener_1,2,How do you know she don't love you ,-0.5216,negative,sad 372,depressed,Feeling lost,speaker,3,ive talked to her about it in the past and we are only friends ,0.4767,positive,neutral 372,depressed,Feeling lost,listener_1,4,Awww 😓😓 don't worry about it if it was meant to be then she will come back. ,-0.4929,negative,acknowledging 372,depressed,Feeling lost,speaker,5,yes cuz its that easy ,0.6808,positive,neutral 372,depressed,Feeling lost,listener_2,6,"I know its hard. But its worth it. Dont think about how much it will hurt short term. Think about how it will affect you in the long term. When you get to that point of confessing to her. If you have any second thoughts, make yourself feel mad because that you are holding yourself back in an important moment to give you that extra push you need to get this over with.",-0.7615,negative,sad 372,depressed,Feeling lost,speaker,7,"yeah i already did tell her (its written in other comment) and its not like i dont want to move on, but you obviously dont understand I CANT just give up i try to and talk to other girls and flirt but no matter what at the end of the day I spend my nights thinking of her, how much she means to me, how much shes done for me, how she been the greatest support in my life, how no matter what whenever i look at her i just smile because she is the most beautiful person in the world to me. I dont know how to just stop thinking about her when she is all i can think about every night and every morning. ",0.9538,positive,neutral 373,depressed,Just done...,speaker,1,No one really cares about me and I can't talk to anyone about how I feel. And even if I could no one would talk to me. I'm just done I don't mean anything to anyone. Yet I can't kill myself because it would hurt them. It's just so fucked :( someone please help,-0.6771,negative,lonely 373,depressed,Just done...,listener_1,2,"Hey, I know it's cliche but I'm pretty much the same way. For me it's jealousy. I'm here if you need me.",0.3291,positive,caring 373,depressed,Just done...,speaker,3,Thank you so much o would love to talk if you wouldn't mind,0.7717,positive,sympathizing 373,depressed,Just done...,listener_1,4,"Alright, well go ahead",0.4767,positive,consoling 373,depressed,Just done...,speaker,5,I messaged you,0.0,neutral,guilty 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,1,"I'm alive for them right now but also think they would be better off without me. It's a battle. They are young but I know they can see it when I'm having a bad day and that just makes it worse. I'm tired of being irritated when they want attention and I just want to block everything out. I'm a stay at home mom with a husband that does nothing but work. Everything thing is on my shoulders at home. I'm failing, the house is messy, the kids watch to much TV, I yell to much, I cry in front of them, I don't play with them a lot, and it all just adds up. They deserve a mom that takes better care of them and I'm not that person right now and it kills me inside.",-0.9841,negative,sad 374,depressed,Living for my kids,listener_1,2,"Hang in there. I know it's not easy but try and not let the stress overwhelm you. Your kids need their mother. I'm a father to 3 very young girls so I know somewhat how things can be. If you need to talk, I'm here.",0.0631,positive,consoling 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,3,Thank you for your kind words. It feels good not to not be completely alone.,0.8676,positive,lonely 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,4,"Yes I have and some days are better than others. I just seem to be in a really bad place the past couple of days, I can't shake it. I try my hardest to be so attentive to them on my good days to try to make up for it. My mom was planning on getting them for a couple of days starting today but her work changed her schedule. I think that saved my life honestly I'm terrified to be alone with myself. I can only keep my mind preoccupied for so long.",0.321,positive,afraid 374,depressed,Living for my kids,listener_2,5,"also, you need to have an outlet for yourself, alone time away from the kids. Your mom offering to help is definitely a life saver, but it is dependent on her schedule. You need to sign up for a class, start exercising or yoga, join a book club.. anything that allows you to be around other adults and on your own time. The way you describe your situation is certainly not unique to you, so you are not failing your children and you are not alone in feeling this. You have depression mixed with endless responsibility mixed with the general frustration of raising children and no outlet for yourself where you can relax and only think about you. ",0.4692,positive,agreeing 374,depressed,Living for my kids,listener_2,6,"Even if you are getting help, you don't sound like it is as effective as it should be. If you are on medication, you should ask about having your dosage increased, shift to another med, or add an additional med. ",0.6994,positive,apprehensive 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,7,"They has me on Prozac 20mg for depression, anxiety, and PTSD from a fire. It's been two months since I finally got help. I hid it all for three years but it was just to much to hide anymore. I'm not sure if the medicine has had a chance to really help yet.",0.2374,positive,apprehensive 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,8,I don't have the option for that I'm the only one that takes care of the kids. When my husband gets home he's to tired to do anything so there is no help from him and by the time bedtime rolls around I'm so tired I just try to sleep. My sleep depends on how well they sleep and my free time depends on them taking g a nap or refusing to. At the most I get maybe an hour alone and I use it to clean.,-0.2583,negative,lonely 374,depressed,Living for my kids,listener_2,9,"20mg is a starting dose. TI's only been a short time but still after two months, you should be on a higher dose. ",0.0,neutral,suggesting 374,depressed,Living for my kids,listener_2,10,"I expected you would say that. You need to realize that you are allowed to demand help. Either hire a nanny for a day or two a week, send them to daycare/preschool, anything. The fact is, your health is at risk. If you were suffering from a physical disease, would you be expected to do all you do now? Even if money were an issue, if you had a physical disease if your husband loves and respects you, he would find a way to help you. Depression is no different. It may not be visible on the outside, but you are still experiencing a medical condition and medication alone will never help the situation without some sort of support that help to alleviate your stress. Also, as a nanny, I can tell you that you need to train your kids to have a quiet time if they aren't going to nap. They may not sleep, but they have to stay in their bed with just books and some stuffed animals and play quietly until you say it's time to get up. And if they don't sleep at night, unless one of them is still breastfeeding, don't go get them. Leave them to cry it out and let them learn to soothe themselves back to sleep. ",-0.1597,negative,trusting 374,depressed,Living for my kids,speaker,11,Thank y'all for the advice I'm finally feeling a little better.,0.6815,positive,grateful 375,depressed,Depression,speaker,1,"It kills me when all I think about it emptiness, my Spotify is filled with sad songs and its like I don't want to be sad but I deserve it, no one understands and no one cares. Help :( #Depressed #Depression",-0.9758,negative,sad 375,depressed,Depression,listener_1,2,> I deserve it How so?,0.0,neutral,angry 375,depressed,Depression,speaker,3,Because I'm failing everyone ,-0.5106,negative,ashamed 375,depressed,Depression,listener_1,4,How? How are you failing other people? What do they want from you?,-0.5484,negative,questioning 375,depressed,Depression,speaker,5,I jus feel like everyone would be happier without me ,0.7096,positive,jealous 376,depressed,I never thought I'd end up here,speaker,1,"Did you guys ever think you'd one day Google depression or search for it on Reddit? Well it's never occurred to me but I feel like I'm somehow crashing into rock bottom really soon really quickly. A part of me feels like I don't really know what being depressed is and most of you guys probably have it worse than me. It's probably true so I hesitate on posting this but I'm not sure... I mean maybe a community is what I need right now. Maybe I just need this cathartic experience. I've never felt so stressed, so much anxiety and hopelessness. I thought I knew how to do this ""life"" thing and I thought I had it figured out man... Is being jaded part of maturing or growing up? I've started to find myself really hate being with people -- family included -- and just wanting to stay at home and do nothing. My patience is so thin and everything is so hard. At night I lie awake for hours worried about work, about whether I did this right or why did that person say that or what's the point of living if it's going to be so hard. But really, what's the point of living? I have religion, I have God. It was my anchor but it's slowly slipping out of my grasp, this Hope. Maybe I'm in the wrong thread. But sigh. There's no right thread for this. No one appreciates anything I do tbh I rly don't see the point in all of this. I've worked until I'm sick and no one really knows. No one will ask because no one cares. Maybe my husband and parents and in laws will care if I'm gone. But just that. Maybe that should be enough? I used to be so likeable lol I think I still am to a certain extent but I don't really like myself now... I cry all the time for no good reason. Everything stresses me out too much. I was never a quitter but all I want to do now is run away and live on a farm. Anyone lives in their own farm here? Is it any good? Are things nice there, are you happy? As I'm about to post this I feel so immature and whiny lol sigh it's ok it's only the Internet eh. ",-0.9864,negative,apprehensive 376,depressed,I never thought I'd end up here,listener_1,2,"It's ok we are here ! We are reading , most of us here commenting have Posted our own problems before",-0.2003,negative,content 376,depressed,I never thought I'd end up here,speaker,3,"It gets better, virtual hug. Hope you're doing ok. ",0.836,positive,consoling 377,depressed,My parents make me feel like shit almost everyday,speaker,1,"Almost everyday, my parents make me feel like shit and useless in this world. Always comparing me to other kids like how they should already be successful around my age. I'm 22. But has been saying that since I was 20. They think I should be finishing up college already and be moving up in life. But the thing is, they don't understand that everyone is different and I am actually struggling to know what I want to do in life. But to them, they don't understand that no matter how many times I explain to them. They always yell at me for no reason and telling me I don't do anything around the house when I clearly do help around the house and wash dishes etc. They never really wash their own dishes and when I ask them if they can just wash it after they are done eating so that we wouldn't have so much dishes piling up but they always use the excuse like I cook, work, and provide for you. Yes I know they do and I appreciate it a lot but there is just so much a person can tolerate when I constantly clean the house and the next day, they ruin it and making a huge mess in just 1 day. So it's tiring to keep cleaning when they don't even clean up their own mess and keep putting you down by repeatedly telling you you're worthless and don't help around the house. It infuriates me so much because they NEVER listen to reason. No matter what. When I try to tell them nicely, they never listen and always say something else as if they never even heard what I said. Sometimes I yell at them because I get so frustrated living here but I try my best to stay calm and just let them say whatever they want to say and I'll just take it because there is no point arguing with them. I'm always in my room because it's where I can be peaceful. But even so, they get mad when I always close my door and that they will take the door off as a threat but I believe they won't do that if I don't provoke them. Always constantly threatening me to move out and leave because I'm so useless and of course I would love to get the fuck out of here but at the same time I'm trying to get my life together and finish college and get a decent paying job so I can live on my own. I'm not the smartest person but at least I'm trying to do something with my life by going to school, having a job. I'm not really suicidal because I have a girlfriend who I have been with for almost 3 years and she treats me very good. I have some decent friends which is why life isn't so bad sometimes. I always try to look for the positive in life. But sometimes, when they constantly give you shit, you lose your mind sometimes and want to just scream at them. It's getting to the point that when I grow up and can take care of myself, and they get old, I don't even want to take care of them because they're making me hate life when I try to love life. I think I know why they been acting like this because they didn't used to act this bad. They changed about 3 years ago when my grandma past away because she used to live with us and my parents respect her. My parents has been going to the casino a lot and it has gotten worst. When my grandma was still alive they wouldn't go and barely go because she pretty much kept them in check. But since she passed they go almost everyday and I have to take care of my brother and sister. I feel like I'm a parent already because they are just being bad parents. They let my brother go on the ipad like glue and as a good brother I am, I always try to let him play about an hour and he needs to take a break. But when I take away the iPad, my parents give me shit because they say how come I'm allowed to play games and he can't? It's unreasonable because when I was young I could only play my gameboy for like an hour and my parents would tell me to take a break. My brother is 7 years old and he plays almost half a day or more every day. I explain to them that being on the iPad is bad for a kids health so we have to have rules for him. I play games and watch stuff in my room because my life fucking sucks and it's different because I'm trying to stay away from my parents and I want to be in my own world. When my brother grows up he can do whatever he wants but for now I want to teach him rules just as I was taught when I was young. I don't know, what do you guys think? I just wanted to vent somewhere so sorry this post is very random at parts. ",0.9653,positive,annoyed 377,depressed,My parents make me feel like shit almost everyday,listener_1,2,"Sounds like your parents have a gambling addiction, but correct me if I'm wrong. Do both of your parents work? Why can't they clean their own dishes? ",-0.7682,negative,questioning 377,depressed,My parents make me feel like shit almost everyday,speaker,3,"Yea they do have a gambling addiction and it's because they're addicted is what got them to change into the worst. Yes they both work. My mom doesn't wash dishes my dad does at least. But, they never wash it after they eat they let it pile up and until it gets really bad that's when my dad would wash dishes and be in a bad mood. I just think it would make everyone happier if they would just wash it after they are done eating but that's too unreasonable for them and they never listen to me but instead bash on what I don't do as a comeback to avoid what they do wrong.",-0.9324,negative,neutral 378,depressed,Having a shitty day and hating my life:(((((((,speaker,1,I'm so sick of living with my parents. I need a way to get a job other than applying online. Ughhhh this whole thing just sucks:((((((((((,-0.7264,negative,angry 378,depressed,Having a shitty day and hating my life:(((((((,listener_1,2,"Apply online, call the place after a few days and ask about a follow up, if its a customer service type job, show up in person and ask if the manager has a few moments, and if they do ask about how one goes about getting an interview. This is the advise given to my generation and it may still be helpful, but I'd also add talk to friends, peers, family members anyone you can. Honestly I wish I knew when I was younger its more about who you know then what you know. I've watch my entire life people who don't try get great jobs with great pay and awesome things. Most of them honestly got a foot in the door by a buddy or family member and then the ones that were willing to try made that chance into something the rest did nothing but honestly a vast majority of them are still employeed in a job far better then any job I've ever been able to land with the advise I was given. That being said I'm at a point and place in my life were I'm tring to create my own job in the area I would like to work (General IT and non-call center help desk support). I may have never been able to talk a IT manager in to giving me a chance, but after years of offering support around my small town I've built a small following of clients and with hope if I keep up what I do (good prices, great service and most of all solutions), then I hope that I will no longer need to ""look"" for a job in my field because I will already be spending most of my time working in my field. I hope this helps and if you need to talk, vent or even get another opionion on things feel free to pm me any time.",0.9978,positive,agreeing 378,depressed,Having a shitty day and hating my life:(((((((,speaker,3,"Thanks. This is a nice perspective. Building relationships is definitely key, I'll keep that in mind.",0.8126,positive,acknowledging 379,depressed,I feel worthless,speaker,1,I feel worthless. I feel like things would be much better off without me around. ,0.3612,positive,lonely 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_1,2,"Don't ever feel like that, seriously. There has to be at least one person in your life who care about you. Family members, a friend, hell even pets as sad as that sounds.. Your life impacts at least one person, and just imagine how terrible that person would feel if something happened to you. If for some crazy reason that isn't the case, just imagine how many lives you can touch in the future. ",-0.8628,negative,questioning 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,3,My mom does. But it doesn't even matter. ,-0.0286,neutral,neutral 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,4,Same. Mine too. My dad thinks I'm a slut ,-0.5859,negative,agreeing 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,5,"so break up with him. You are leaving yourself in a situation that clearly makes you unhappy so do something about it instead of complaining. And buying ""expensive bags and things"" is not the hallmark of a good relationship. ",0.25,positive,agreeing 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,6,"But I want those things and if I leave him, I'll have no one. He was the first person to ever ask me out and I'm 21. ",-0.3919,negative,faithful 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,7,"What things do you want? Being jealous of how your friends' boyfriends treat them? Him not talking to you? Listening to him obsess over his ex girlfriend? Making you feel worthless? This is what you are holding on to? Who cares if you are 21 and not in a relationship? This is 2016, not 1940. >He was the first person to ever ask me out and I'm 21. That is not a reason AT ALL to be in a relationship. Be an independent woman and learn to value yourself enough to only allow people who respect you and who make you feel better about yourself be around you. If he doesn't treat you the way you want him to treat you, what on earth is the point of being in a relationship just so you are in a relationship? What you have is not much of a relationship anyway. You are hanging on out of desperation and fear of being alone, not because this relationship has any value. If you stay in it, you can't complain about it. You are contributing to your own misery. ",0.7015,positive,angry 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,8,"Yeah but I'm not pretty or attractive at all. If I was, I wouldn't be desperate and I know I won't find anyone else. ",-0.5435,negative,confident 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,9,"You're being hard on yourself. But the bottom line is, you can be far happier alone than in a shitty relationship. Being in a relationship does not define who you are. There's far more to life than being in a relationship. End it, move on, and stop being so dependent on the desperation of being in a relationship. ",-0.8689,negative,lonely 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,10,Thanks. That's actually really good advice ,0.7264,positive,acknowledging 379,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,11,"I was in a shitty relationship too. We've all been there- where we hold on simply out of fear of being alone even though the relationship makes us feel crappier. I can tell you, though, no one has ever ended a relationship that did not bring them happiness and later regretted leaving- including anyone who stayed alone for years after. Even if five years from now you haven't started dating someone else, I can promise you that you will still not regret leaving someone who made you feel worthless and unloved. ",-0.9565,negative,faithful 380,depressed,Cant stop crying,speaker,1,The person i like/love just told me she likes someone else and it's her ex and i don't want to see her hurt and it hurts me knowing that she is headed that way. I'd be alright if it was someone else.,-0.4445,negative,sad 380,depressed,Cant stop crying,listener_1,2,"What can I say, relationships can really suck. I can't give you any practical advice right now, because I'm super green in this (except for this one time when my only girlfriend cheated on me with a friend of mine) but I am here for you, if you need a listener. ",0.0781,positive,faithful 380,depressed,Cant stop crying,speaker,3,"i know, and thank you i just like to vent my feelings on here i find it kinda helps ",0.7436,positive,agreeing 380,depressed,Cant stop crying,speaker,4,"That actually does help, thank you. Ill try to keep this in mind.",0.34,positive,acknowledging 381,depressed,Help I'm freaking out,speaker,1,"I'm so miserable I can't get a job I've been trying, I'm all alone I'm going crazy, idk what to do anymore, I think I want to kill myself, if I can't get a job then I can't accomplish anything. I need help, I feel terrified I'm almost 30 I can't do anything with out money and I've been unemployed for nearly a year, I'm freaking out I just want to blow my brains out. Heeeelp!",-0.9591,negative,afraid 381,depressed,Help I'm freaking out,listener_1,2,"Don't ever feel hopeless, there's always a way and a reason to live. You need to sit down and put together a list of goals. You can start with small, achievable goals and work your way through the list, doing this will make you feel better. I know how it feels to live a stagnant life, you feel smothered and everyday feels like a repeat of the last. Hang in there and keep your head up. It will get better. ",0.8801,positive,hopeful 381,depressed,Help I'm freaking out,speaker,3,"I want a job then everything is solved, every place I apply and follow up on just blows me off, I don't have any felonies, my work history is terrible, the thing I want most is a cannabis card, then I don't have to worry about getting over priced bud or low quality bud, or I could just move to Colorado , people have told me to go to college but that takes time and I want results now in this case money, I'm drinking so I'm calm now but that could change, I'm a mess everyday is the same, the rest of the world are living full lives and I'm just stuck, but I have aspengers so people think I'm retarded and don't want anything to do with me, I'm scared I'm going to die alone and penniless, the mental health people just prescribe me junk that make me ill, and nothing is being accomplished or resolved, I feel trapped in a endless loop.",-0.9826,negative,hopeful 381,depressed,Help I'm freaking out,speaker,4,"No I call up on apps, and I get blown off I never speak like that in person, still pissed off and broke.",-0.8836,negative,angry 382,depressed,Facebook pisses me off.,speaker,1,"Yes. The goddamn smiley faces of my facebook 'friends', happy photos of couples, happy photos of parties, happy photos of people enjoying their lives - I want to throw up. Can't I just be unhappy in peace, and not be teased additionally? Rant over.",0.9722,positive,jealous 382,depressed,Facebook pisses me off.,listener_1,2,"Unfollow everyone (not unfriend - just unfollow). Then carefully select which groups and people you DO want to follow. This should significantly improve your ability to tolerate your daily feed. When you want to check in on someone, just go to their page when you're in the mood for it.",0.743,positive,prepared 382,depressed,Facebook pisses me off.,speaker,3,Not possible. I get (yeah it's weird) information that I need to do my job from there. Would be easy otherwise.,0.5267,positive,trusting 382,depressed,Facebook pisses me off.,speaker,4,Exactly. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 383,depressed,"I've always felt that I think I've been in the wrong places, instead of being somewhere else.",speaker,1,"I'm really not sure where to post this, just wanted to share what I'm feeling. I've been a delinquent when I was at my first year in highschool, (We didn't have grade 7 and 8, just went straight to being a freshman in our terms, or grade 9) I never really wanted to be one, it's just that, I feel that I'm just wasting my time on doing things because I'm doing it all wrong, I'm supposed to be here, I'm supposed to be there, this is kind of silly but, back then I was thinking that I should be in America (I'm from Asia). I've felt that all my efforts would just be worthless in the future, I mean I love studying, it's just that it feels so wrong, I feel that it's useless, I started skipping classes at that time, I really don't know why, maybe I'm just lazy? (you be the judge of that) Now I'm in my 2nd year in college, I stopped at my second semester for a while, it is because I'm going to be flying abroad and studying in Germany, which is awesome, but I feel like I want to be in another place, I want to be in Japan now, I'm feeling this kind of feeling again, I'm fantasizing too much of these things, I have friends, but it doesn't feel right, I don't feel happy, I mean, I try to be happy, it's just that I can't be, I want to be. Back then, I have a lot of dreams I want to fulfill like get a car, get a big house, you know, the usual stuff, but now, I just want to finish my studies, be in Japan, live a simple life. Just want to share these, I don't have any therapist to share this to, I just want to tell my story. And maybe you can see what is going in with me, Thank you",0.9773,positive,ashamed 383,depressed,"I've always felt that I think I've been in the wrong places, instead of being somewhere else.",listener_1,2,So you feel out of place? I do too. The solution is to focus on ways to get out of there and go where you want. But decide where you want to be first. Irony is I am trying to get to Japan too. ,0.2382,positive,apprehensive 383,depressed,"I've always felt that I think I've been in the wrong places, instead of being somewhere else.",speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your response! I've actually been trying to save up for my future expenses in case I do get to go to Japan. I had a little more hope after you sent this reply, so thank you! ",0.9089,positive,grateful 383,depressed,"I've always felt that I think I've been in the wrong places, instead of being somewhere else.",listener_1,4,"Hey, this is da depression forum! :D We are here to help each other and I am glad if my short text made you feel even a little bit better. ",0.838,positive,sympathizing 384,depressed,Another summer alone and penniless,speaker,1,"Have tried to find work, no felonies, I just have no life, makes me question weather life is worth living, I always have feeling I'll die this way, ",-0.2144,negative,apprehensive 384,depressed,Another summer alone and penniless,listener_1,2,"I can relate on some level. except I have money. I have literally no friends, no girlfriend, no sex or social life. thinking about quitting my job and hitting the road to go out west. ",0.0572,positive,lonely 384,depressed,Another summer alone and penniless,speaker,3,"You should try r/nomorezerodays I began to exercise and lose the 10 lbs of fat I had but I still have no life, no job no money, it could give you tips if you really want to meet people,",0.2272,positive,neutral 385,depressed,So tired,speaker,1,I'm so tired all the time. Need a friend,0.0018,neutral,lonely 385,depressed,So tired,listener_1,2,Hello.,0.0,neutral,wishing 385,depressed,So tired,speaker,3,Hi. ,0.0,neutral,wishing 385,depressed,So tired,listener_1,4,I'm here because I've recently been ruined. What brings you here?,-0.4767,negative,questioning 385,depressed,So tired,speaker,5,Just tired. Feeling sad and worn out emotionally. ,-0.7717,negative,sad 385,depressed,So tired,listener_1,6,You start getting used to being tired. I haven't slept much since Sunday. I've got nothing left except endless debt. You start missing the fights too because at least she was present. ,-0.8519,negative,lonely 385,depressed,So tired,speaker,7,You will? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 385,depressed,So tired,listener_2,8,Absolutely. I know what it's like to be deeply depressed all of the time,-0.2716,negative,agreeing 385,depressed,So tired,speaker,9,Thanks. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,1,"I stopped eating Monday afternoon. Don't sleep much anymore, drink most of the day. Starting to get violent against myself and refuse to speak to anybody. My fiance has been cheating on me for nearly a year, don't really want to think about it anymore. Can't tell my family, friends, roommates. I'm so humiliated and just want to let go. Starting on my 2nd bottle of vodka about an hour ago, not sure how long the human body can continue like this but I'm not hungry anymore. I just thought it might be nice to talk to a stranger who doesn't know the details. I'm just so isolated and ruined.",-0.887,negative,ashamed 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,2,Someone please talk to me. You don't understand,0.3182,positive,annoyed 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,3,"She was my world, we fought everyone and culture to be together. I just needed to be by her to be invincible. Then her mom got sick. Muslim women can't have friends, so they never knew about me. I was forced to move out so she could have her mom with her. I managed to keep it together. Days turned into weeks where I couldn't see her, but I cherished the little time we had together. ""We'll get through this"", was the motto. We made it through everything else in the past. Just another chapter in our lives. Last week i started seeing her more, started getting back the intimacy we lost months ago. ""I promise I'll do whatever I can to see you more, I love you and we have the rest of our lives together""she said. I slept over for the first time in months and got to watch her sleep while fighting off our puppy's affection, who missed me for weeks. Life was coming back to normal. And then I found she left her email account open. She never was taking care of her mother. She was trying to end it with her other significant other of nearly a year. ""Please don't do this to me."" She held me in her final attempt to stop me from leaving. I accidentally broke the door on the way out, and that was when the world turned hazy and gray. Now here I am covered in dry blood and may have inhaled spray paint fumes. I'm about halfway through the 2nd bottle now but I know I'm getting worse. I'm not hungry anymore but I feel like everyone stopped talking to me. I just want to have a little contact. It's nice to talk to people because it distracts me from me. Distract me.",-0.6754,negative,faithful 386,depressed,I need help.,listener_1,4,"That sounds miserable man. I've been down that road before with a cheating partner -- they don't change, contrary to their promises that if you stick around they will. It sounds like you're cognizant of this and that you made the right decision for yourself in the moment. Ease off the drink for a bit tonight. A wicked hangover will just make everything worse. Make sure to drink lots of water. You got anything you can do to distract you? Video games? What are you normally into? Sounds stupid, but when I'm really depressed (more often than not these days) video games distract me well enough and give me something to focus on for a bit. Video games and working out and training MMA are about the only things I do anymore. The depression always creeps back in, but I try to take it hours at a time rather than days. Days are so long. You gotta break up the monotony a bit. ",-0.9426,negative,questioning 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,5,"I'm trying to lay off of it for now but I'm just laying here staring at the ceiling and listening to the airborne toxic event. I finally got my TV and PS4 back from her but I don't want to touch it, she's had it for so long so she could watch her TV shows. I don't want my roommates to know, so I haven't left my room. You're very right about the days, I've never had longer days than these. Isn't anger one of the stages of grief? I think that's where i am, I'm so fucking mad at everything and I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself or someone else. That's why I can't leave here.",-0.9465,negative,guilty 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,6,She needs to see what she's done to me.,0.0,neutral,furious 386,depressed,I need help.,listener_1,7,"Anger is indeed a stage of grief, and usually gets worse before it gets better. Just try to hold strong man. You've got some time now to focus on yourself -- whether that means self improvement, re-inventing yourself or just dicking around and relaxing until you feel better. It doesn't seem like it now, but this will pass. The human brain is remarkable at healing itself and forging new connections. What kind of games are you into? I've got a PS4 also and wouldn't mind sending you something from my admittedly meager library if it would brighten your days a bit. ",0.8967,positive,sad 386,depressed,I need help.,listener_2,8,"I promise you... she won't care. She's heartless, and you need to try and survive this. You're in serious trouble, and you need to get help.",0.25,positive,faithful 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,9,"You know, you actually got me to bawl my eyes out if that makes sense. An absolute complete stranger offering his gaming library. It may sound incredibly stupid to some people, but I truly understand the value of that. I truly appreciate that, but I'm not going to hook up my ps4. I think maybe I just need time. I'm incredibly self destructive right now, but maybe what I need is to be around people sans alcohol. My boss wants to take me to Dallas for few days after this weekend, so hopefully that will make a difference. Again thank you for the offer but honestly I'm happier for you to talk to me. Nobody has been talking to me it makes me feel incredibly alone. I'm not asking for much so thank you",0.9779,positive,apprehensive 386,depressed,I need help.,listener_1,10,"Hope you're feeling a bit better thus morning man. I fell asleep pretty early last night, hence why I stopped responding. Definitely take that trip if you can. It'll be good to be in a new area for some time, and will help you relax a bit. Take everything an hour at a time and you'll be golden. Don't hesitate to hit me up via PM if you'd like. I'm generally on Reddit a lot and usually see new messages. Be easy, mate!",0.9759,positive,wishing 386,depressed,I need help.,speaker,11,"Well I'm still here so I guess it counts for something. Thank you for talking to me, I really needed it. I'm forced to be out of the house for the weekend, so I should be OK now. Thanks again, it means the world to have a little contact where I don't need to hide myself. You're a good person, I'll PM you sometime later on",0.8705,positive,grateful 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",speaker,1,"I'm really suicidal and depressed, but I don't know how to tell anyone. I have told my friend but she didn't take it seriously, and I told my parent but they basically told me it was my fault and to get better. I just told them about my anxiety and depression but not the suicidal thing because that happened later when u understood that no one cares about it. The problem is that I don't have anyone to talk to without making it awkward and making me feel stupid. My day can get ruined by me talking to people because I can go the whole week thinking if I did say anything wrong. but everything have gotten worse lately and I stay up all night crying. I have found that drawing helps. But I can't cuntinue with this. What do I do? Plz help. SORRY FOR THE BAD ENGLISH. IM FROM NORWAY OK :)",-0.9756,negative,lonely 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",speaker,2,"I feel stupid doing this. But nobod else will listen. I don't have anyone, not even family. They all treat me like trash ",0.6808,positive,ashamed 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",speaker,3,"You are right. I will take action. I am planning on calling a suicide hotline tomorrow, if I am alone home. Thanks",-0.5574,negative,agreeing 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",speaker,4,Yeah I have been thinking about that but I am afraid that someone will know that I called. Is it just between you and the suicidal hotline?,-0.7684,negative,questioning 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",speaker,5,"Yes Even free help, but I can't find the curate to talk to anyone. And that's completely my fault. But it would help if I had a good friend who would take me there. I just have to find someone. ",0.9115,positive,annoyed 387,depressed,"I'm suicidal, fuck",listener_1,6,Right on! Hope the best for ya,0.8122,positive,encouraging 388,depressed,"So, am I?",speaker,1,"Am I depressed? I feel like it, but even though I feel like it I feel like I'm just wanting attention, or hormones. It just..doesn't feel that way. I took birth control and it was said to be a (not very often) side effect. It got pretty bad. It was hard to be happy all the time when I used to do it easily. So I stopped, hoping it'd go away. It got worse. Very often I will feel a wave of emotion roll over me. I will be angry and upset and confused. In my head I wonder, why? I don't understand why I'm upset or angry. I have no reason to cry, yet I'm crying. A lot. I'm starting my meds again (after a month or more) because nothing has changed. I don't know. I'm forgetful, I get bad anxiety sometimes, hopeless even. I go from wanting to nonstop eat but then days where even the talk of food makes me sick. No matter what I do. I'm restless. I cry..an extreme amount. Easily irritated when I used to not be. I try to busy myself but I can't think straight. Sometimes I'll listen to music and I block it out because I think so much on everything. I really don't know. Help?",-0.9935,negative,sad 388,depressed,"So, am I?",listener_1,2,It sounds to me like you are genuinely depressed. There are lots of treatment options out there. Take it from someone who at one time was too depressed to leave the house. It gets better! ,-0.4003,negative,acknowledging 388,depressed,"So, am I?",speaker,3,"Thank you. Surprisingly, I know it will get better. I just hope it will soon. ",0.8591,positive,hopeful 389,depressed,The One.,speaker,1,"This stupid show on TV has triggered my depression. I had to switch it off because I started to cry so darn much. Here I am, a single 33 year old female, and this stupid show comes on TV about these people meeting people. This one is the online edition. Everyone met each other online. I met a guy once online. It was a relationship that lasted five years. It started out great. It was long distance. I made all the trips out there. He never came to visit me. I learned that he was autistic with the Asperger spectrum. I didn't care. I had fallen in love with him. He was smart but he didn't have much going in the looks department, for my taste. Well, I should had noticed all of the red flags. I missed them. All he wanted to do was play video games while I was out there. He didn't want to show me any kind of affection. I got tired of it finally. I tried to be patient with him, because of what he had. But it just got to the point that he was using it as an excuse to just be very lazy. I left him and flew back home on the first flight one morning after five years. He never tried to patch it up. He just didn't care. It left me heart broken. I think I still am. This was 4 years ago. I thought he was The One. I had that feeling, but he wasn't. My mother remains bitter about me finding someone. I guess it is because of her divorce from dad a few years back. ""All men are assholes, you will never find one and if you do they will just leave you like mine did me."" This just makes me feel worse. If anyone is reading this or just upvoting this, please, I would just like someone to reach out to me.. ",-0.7953,negative,sad 389,depressed,The One.,listener_1,2,"Hi there, I suffer from Depression too. I had a SO in High School up until a few years after graduating. We were together 5.5 years and the relationship was hinting at an end. I can honestly say I loved that woman up until our lives took us in very different directions. At 21 I decided to leave everything behind and go to CA to start a new life, even though at the time we were broken up I still would have breakdowns and nightmares. I was so convinced that I was never going to feel happy again because of major depression and social anxiety disorder that I attempted to take my own life by using pills and an excessive amount of whiskey. I'm sorry this is such a long message but after my suicide attempt failed I felt even worse, completely empty. I ended up moving back to TX to recuperate with my immediate family and my little sister(us children are young adults) set me up with a friend of hers. I've been with this SO for 8 months now and even though I have my daily mental battles, I honestly believe she saved my life. Heartbreak can utterly destroy you but at the same time Love can build you stronger than you previously thought possible. My advice is to keep going. That's what everyone tells me. Just wake up everyday, take your meds, take a shower, and do at least one thing that's productive for your or someone else. Since I've been back in TX I have attempted suicide one more time and spent time in a mental hospital. Even though the stigma of mental hospitals is rough it is a better idea to check yourself in if you feel at your last rope than to have $20k in med bills post attempt. I don't know you but I care about you and every other kind soul on our planet. Stay strong, stronger than anyone expects and time WILL heal your wounds. ",0.8902,positive,sad 389,depressed,The One.,speaker,3,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 389,depressed,The One.,speaker,4,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 389,depressed,The One.,speaker,5,Thanks. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 389,depressed,The One.,speaker,6,"Yeah, she is. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,speaker,1,"So to begin. I'm in my early 20's. Live at home. Been depressed for years. This year has been absolute fucking horrible. Moved to a new place, again, (this is the 11th move I think). Still don't know anyone or have any friends. Have been working in a major retail/grocery store since Halloween. All my coworkers know I'm miserable. They can smell it... they comment, jokingly/sarcasticly, about it from time to time. Tired of dealing with asshole customers... trying to keep my cool but inside I'm about to go postal and destroy them. Tired of feeling like shit every single day of my life. What do I need money for... I hardly buy anything. Think about killing myself everyday and it's as much as I can take. I know I won't, I haven't even done anything in my life yet so how could I end it now. NO way. I'm fed up though. Can't joined the armed forces, have no interest in college, fuck work, fuck everything. I'm putting in my 2 week notice Friday and from then on I'm gonna do what I want. Go fishing, go to the gym, drink beer, watch TV, skateboard, gonna buy some tickets to concerts, maybe visit a friend who lives across the country. Tired of feeling so angry and sad. It's time to focus on myself. Not money. Fuck money. ",-0.9928,negative,lonely 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,listener_1,2,it sucks man but that's life. can't do much without money... did you end up quitting? how are you doing now?,-0.2755,negative,questioning 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,speaker,3,No. I don't like Pokémon. I may go fishing tomorrow morning. Tomorrow night when I leave work I'm putting in my 2 week notice. ,-0.3204,negative,angry 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,speaker,4,"Hello. I'm staying with it for the time being because I want to buy a van, mod it out so it is suitable for living in, and then head out of my homestate. That is my dream. All I'm doing now is saving. I'm still feeling the same... but I have a goal/a dream I am working towards. ",0.5267,positive,hopeful 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,listener_1,5,Keep at it man! I get sad too obviously but I try to remember that life is too short to be depressed.,-0.7777,negative,sentimental 390,depressed,Quitting my job Friday. Fuck it...,speaker,6,I wish I had that mindset... but knowing that life is too short to be depressed does absolutely nothing for me. It's a feeling that I've had for years that I cannot just simply get rid of. Have a good day. ,0.25,positive,content 391,depressed,Why,speaker,1,Need a chat. Feeling so down. So worthless.,-0.5529999999999999,negative,lonely 391,depressed,Why,listener_1,2,What makes you feel worthless? I feel worthless seeing other people my age doing wayyy better than me.,-0.4404,negative,jealous 391,depressed,Why,speaker,3,"To be honest, I always have this fear of no one wanting me around. No one caring if I'm breathing or not. Like if I don't exist period. ",-0.8219,negative,afraid 391,depressed,Why,listener_2,4,"Yeah, or younger",0.29600000000000004,positive,apprehensive 391,depressed,Why,listener_1,5,"Well, you have to make people care and also, people have to like something about you. I'm not trying to be blunt or insincere these are just facts that are hard to face.",0.5574,positive,neutral 392,depressed,I can't find a reason to exist.,speaker,1,"I'm getting too nihilistic. I sit on my ass doing nothing. I am a loser. People do tell me that I'm intelligent and smart but I feel like I'm a loser. I barely have any friends. I have really bad social skills, I cant even talk to a person properly, I'm literally inaudible. I recently also started liking a girl, and due to my bad social skills, I can't even talk to her. Therefore I got more depressed. Its like I don't matter in this world. I have even considered committing suicide, but I realise that is stupid AF. Help me.",-0.9501,negative,lonely 392,depressed,I can't find a reason to exist.,listener_1,2,"I'm going to be straight with you, because I was in exactly your same position. I have awful communication skills, I'm great at a lot of thins but it's hard for me to be social. I realized after all this time that yes, life is meaningless and a waste of time and there's is not point. BUT, you have to realize attitude is everything I realized that since life is pointless it doesn't matter what mistakes I make I can make these mistakes and never look back, I don't have to be afraid of anything, I can take on the world. This also applies to social skills I had to move outside of my comfort zone to survive in a social sense. You have nothing to lose, just go for things and learn how things work. You are in a period of depression but that will pass, as soon as you accept the meaningless of your maybe 85 year experience you can truly begin to live. Some people find solace in God, I find solace in nature, the thing that gave rise to humans, our Earth, and the stars that dot the sky. Do not give up, do not give in, do not be afraid, count on yourself , be great, because why not? There are no consequences but simple human morals. Living is just meaningless as not living, might as well perceive some things while you can. In all honestly I didn't realize this until I got obsessed with music and science, we all have our own things, find your calling, follow it, and just see where hard work and dedication can take you. ",0.8742,positive,confident 392,depressed,I can't find a reason to exist.,listener_2,3,That is stunningly beautiful. Thank you,0.7506,positive,acknowledging 393,depressed,30 year old guy who is lost & hopeless. Please listen to my story.,speaker,1,"First, please excuse my English; it's not my native language. I want to share my story, with the hope that someone can relate and maybe offer me some advice or support. I have been feeling completely lost in my life for the past 4 years (but really throughout my life). I am a 30 year old Brazilian guy. I was always a shy teenager. I was raised in a Jehovah's Witnesses environment. Although I wasn't baptized in the religion, I studied every weekend and I struggled with doubts. I had a conflict in my mind between what I was taught (that the Bible was the truth) and what I wanted to do (be a normal teenager, have a girlfriend, hang out with my friends, etc.). I also always loved science and history; so I felt conflicted about the Bible's teachings of creationism. What I was learning about history was opposing what I learned from the Bible. The History teachers encouraged me to think critically and question, but the Bible told me to accept “the Truth” and that what I wanted to do was sinful. My childhood/adolescence was full of these struggles. I am from São Paulo, Brazil and I studied hard and was able to attend the best university in Brazil. I initially wanted to study History, something that I really feel passionately about, but after a year I decided to switch to Business Administration because I knew the job prospects would be better, and I thought that if I picked Business Administration I could accommodate being a Jehovah's Witness and still have a good career. From 2007-2012 I worked in the financial market in São Paulo, then I worked with “mergers and acquisitions” where I actually liked the challenge. I didn’t feel that I was totally qualified but I took the challenge and was able to perform well at my job. Sadly I had to leave that job because the CEO of that company ended up being corrupt. Then I started the last job that I ever had - basically an administrative job working at the transportation company of São Paulo. (Also, for reference, I stopped participating in the Church in 2009/2010. I read a book in September of 2012 that solidified my feelings and made me realize that that ""sense of holiness” described by my old religion was something invented by man. I cut ties completely after that.) I hated this job because it was extremely bureaucratic; I had absolutely no creative input. Even if I thought of a more efficient, better way to manage a situation or process something, my suggestions were not heard. It was a stable job but I became the most depressed that I have ever been. I had a lot of free time; so I spent my days reading wikipedia on the internet. I studied about biology, history, concentrating mostly on ancient civilizations (my favorite thing). I basically tried to get myself fired, but I had a position so that it was pretty much impossible. I ultimately decided to quit my job, end my relationship at the time, and use the money that I had saved (I was living with my parents so I was able to put some money away) to travel/improve my English/figure out my life. That was in April 2015. I embarked on a trip to the US in August 2015 and stayed there until January 2015. During that time I met an American girl and we fell in love. She graduated from her university in December and was planning on moving to Argentina for her job, so I decided to go with her. We lived there together for almost 6 months. I didn’t know how long we would be there so I couldn’t really look for a job. I was basically there because of her. Now we are both here in Brazil together, but she is moving to Mexico in about a week for her job. I feel more lost now than I did even before I started this journey. The Brazilian economy is in a bad place now, my girlfriend is doing new, exciting things and excelling with her life, and I feel bad that I am stagnant. I feel embarrassed that I haven’t accomplished as much as my friends from university. I still don’t know what I want. I know I love history, parapsychology, and hypnosis, but I am most qualified to work in finance. I was planning on trying to get a job in wealth management, and then thinking more about what I want to do long-term while I have a job, but even that is proving pretty impossible with the state of Brazil at the moment. I don’t know what to do, I can’t find motivation to do anything, and I feel like my life really doesn’t matter. I keep trying to change, but I seem to be always unsuccessful. I’ve tried life coaches, hypnosis, I talk to my psychologist weekly, but nothing changes me…. I feel hopeless. Please, someone, if you can relate, have advice, can help me in any way… I would love to talk. Beijos. tl;dr I'm a 30 year old guy who, after traveling for about a year, still doesn't know what to do with his life. ",0.9973,positive,embarrassed 393,depressed,30 year old guy who is lost & hopeless. Please listen to my story.,listener_1,2,No one knows what they want to do with their life... it's a constant battle for us all. ,-0.5423,negative,sad 393,depressed,30 year old guy who is lost & hopeless. Please listen to my story.,listener_2,3,Im 34 and still dont know what I want to do either. part of me wants to be homeless and avoid a job but I dont know that I could survive it. maybe i can become a monk but I doubt they would even accept me.,-0.0772,negative,apprehensive 394,depressed,I'm not a dumb bimbo,speaker,1,"I'm not a bimbo. God, I can't write I'm crying so hard. ",-0.0326,neutral,embarrassed 394,depressed,I'm not a dumb bimbo,listener_1,2,I thought bimbo got left in the 90's with parachute pants. ,0.0,neutral,surprised 394,depressed,I'm not a dumb bimbo,listener_2,3,Well words like that are opinion-driven. I doubt you're like that (:. You can message me if you'd like to talk about it more in depth,0.7269,positive,neutral 395,depressed,I'm so sad,speaker,1,"I'm just so sad. I can't focus. I'm going through so much right now in my life, and the one person I want to be there, is going through his own stuff, he can't be there for me. Do you ever look at your life, and you are just like.. this isn't it?",-0.294,negative,sad 395,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_1,2,"I spent a large part of my life working to get out of that place and to where I am now, which isn't perfect but is on the road I wanted for me to be on and placed myself on. Not going to say life isn't hard but it is worth it. I'm happy to chat with you some time if it can help you decompress and be able to refocus yourself.",0.8859,positive,content 395,depressed,I'm so sad,speaker,3,"Thank you. I can deal w all the problems I have, but when he asked me to distance myself from him, it makes my problems seem even harder to focus on. I felt safe when I knew he was there. He tells me he will still be there for me if I need him, but I think he is only saying that to make me feel better. He wants his space to deal w his problems, and I'm the complete opposite. When I have problems I do better when I know I have a partner to talk to about them. It's hard because I'm getting older and I just think, maybe I'll never have that relationship, that marriage etc. and honestly I don't know if that's what I really want...but I do want a partner. I want the honest and raw love that you share w someone, and I hadn't met someone like him, someone who made me feel the way he does in a long time. It's tough.",0.9496,positive,trusting 395,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_1,4,"I've had a hand few of relationships not a lot but I feel I was able to get to know a pretty good range of people over my life and felt a few ways about people. Personally I think I'm very much like your friend in that I don't want to talk about my issues until I've solved them. For me its an issue of beating myself up until I've been able to deal with what I need to. This means two things for me. 1. That I expect that I will find myself vulnerable at some point and rather deal with that alone personally (This can be further explained for myself but I can not talk about others). 2. I beat myself up pretty bad, and although I know others in my life may not beat me up (mentally) having some one I care about around while dealing with my issues could cause me to beat myself up to a whole new level as I know the care and expect more from me then myself or what I may be able to give at the time which would cause me to feel even worse. I can't say I know what your situation is or anything of the sort, but for me this is how I see it and it just may have some relevance to your life and what you are going through, but it very well may not that is up for you to decide. I'd love to keep talking about it if it helps, pm me any time!",0.9821,positive,confident 395,depressed,I'm so sad,speaker,5,I def would like to keep talking about it. I'm new to Reddit. How do I send a dm?,0.3612,positive,apprehensive 395,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_1,6,Just click on my User Name and then the send message button. Welcome to reddit as well.,0.6249,positive,joyful 396,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore. Can i have some advice?,speaker,1,"I dont want to kill myself because i care about my loved ones to much. I just want to go to sleep forever. I don't want it to be anyone's fault when I stop living. I just want to pass away, I just don't want to have to do anything anymore, I don't want to live in this circle of feeling pain and feeling empty anymore. I can not talk to my mother about this because she will have an emotional meltdown and i cant talk to my father about this because he will just call me a p***y. I talked about this to a psychologist and he gave me pills that i have been taking for several months now and i dont feel different. ",0.631,positive,sad 396,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore. Can i have some advice?,listener_1,2,Then ask for another medication. It's all guesswork when they prescribe it to you so no one knows what will work for you. You should also be going for regular therapy sessions in addition to the medication. ,-0.4341,negative,apprehensive 396,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore. Can i have some advice?,listener_2,3,"This. It can take a month or 2 to notice the effect a medication is having on you, but if you've been taking them for several months with no difference in feeling you need to talk to you psychologist about it and switch it up.",-0.2617,negative,apprehensive 396,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore. Can i have some advice?,speaker,4,"That is exactly it. I have a lot of pressure and i feel lonely because i have no one to talk to. I am only a high school student with average grades and i get pressured to get the best grades as possible. I get into a lot of arguments with my parents about it. I just dont talk to them about not wanting to live anymore. The thoughts that are in my head are that there is no point in existing if we are all gonna die some day. if we are all gonna die someday, then why even bother gong through all of that stress. I am personally agnostic, i believe that there is a heaven and all people go there. Heaven sounds a lot better than here. Thanks and good luck to you too.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 397,depressed,Sharing my situation,speaker,1,"Warning this will likely be a long post. This is also my first post, so if I broke any reddiquette rules or any rules here, please let me know so I can avoid doing so in the future. Hey everyone. Before I say anything else I just want to say thank you to anyone that decides to spend anytime of their day reading this, I truly appreciate it. I’m twenty years old and I have been battling depression for many years. It worsened when my Grandpa passed away July 9th, 2011. I have had on and off depression before then, but it really hit me then and has not left to this day. I have my ups and downs just like anyone and today was particularly bad, so I figured it was time to stop procrastinating and just let this all out. I’ll start with my Grandpa’s death and why it hit me as hard as it did. Everyone dreads the day that a loved one will die, especially when you’re close to the one who finally passes on. I was no different. My Grandpa and Grandma are my neighbors (still live with my parents) and have been my entire life. Being that they lived very close, I saw my Grandpa almost everyday growing up and I like to think that we were close. The day that he died is still burnt into my memory. My Mom woke me and my brothers up, around 7 in the morning and through tears explained that our Grandpa passed away last night. I was numb. I retreated upstairs to my room and didn’t come down for hours. I didn’t cry, I didn’t ask why it happened, I simply shut everything out. The day the funeral came was tough as well. I am the middle child of two brothers and as a lot of people know, men typically have a tough time showing their emotion and I am the same (not trying to stereotype or generalize, I am going by my experiences). My Mom was immediately crying during the ceremony and part way through my eldest brothers bottle erupted and he started to cry, this caused me to let go and finally cry for the death of my grandfather. Sorry for rambling, I guess what I am trying to say is that I don’t think I have fully gotten over his death. It also doesn’t help that my older brother and I, the day after he died had to take over my Grandpa’s responsibilities at his home because my Grandma has really bad arthritis and hoards dogs. Every single day for the past five years I have had to go over to “her” home and help let out the dogs. I have not had a moment to distance myself from his memory and try to work through it because every day I am reminded of him. Fast forward two years, so it’s 2013. This date is an estimation because I have blocked out many memories during the next two and half to three years (leading up to late 2015), this is when things get very painful for me and I hope that I don’t bring any memories up for anyone who has struggled with this before. If I do, I sincerely apologize. My Mom started drinking and quickly became addicted to alcohol. She has struggled with the addiction of painkillers for many years, so the alcohol became a vice she quickly picked up after trying it. Before I go into it anymore, I want to state that my Mom is a very loving individual and has had to deal with a lot of crap in her life, so much so it’s hard to get upset when she lets loose. I don’t want to go into her history without her permission, all that I will state is that it has to do with rape and some bad parenting. Back to what I saying before… I blocked out many memories of this time and when I try to think back on them I often times start to cry, so I quickly shut them out to avoid feeling hurt. What I do remember still carves into my heart and soul to this very day. I remember once when I was playing a game and I got a very worrying text from my Mom that simply said “Help me”. I showed my older brother (who I will refer to from now on as Joe) and we both rushed to where my Mom was… and we saw that our Mom had cut her wrists. It was later found out that it wasn’t a suicide attempt, just one calling for attention. The tops of her arms/wrists were sliced. I am fairly queezy of blood, so Joe wrapped up my mother's arms and was furious, where as I was devastated. I had been denying the fact that my Mom was an alcoholic and tried to lie to myself that this situation wasn’t as bad as it seemed. It was when I saw my Mom’s arms covered in blood that the realization hit me of how grim everything was. My Mom never self harmed herself after that point, it was one of the few promises that she kept during this solemn time, but her sporadic and abusive behavior continued. Joe, my younger brother, and my Dad shut her out and chose to ignore her and the situation, only getting involved when she would start yelling or throwing things. I was the only one who gave her attention on a day to day basis, which meant (typically) I was the only one she spewed vile and hatred at when she was drunk (which was almost every day of the month). I stood there and was her verbal punching bag for many years. She said so many things that I still have trouble processing… it made me hate who I am and how I was born. As I said she had to deal with rape, so she often times said that all men are terrible, rapists, evil, etc. So being that I am a man I have a very hard time thinking of myself as anything less than worthless scum that plagues the earth with my natural aggression and terrible moral choices. I feel that me being born a man has caused my Mom pain. A constant reminder of the gender that has hurt her in the past. I decided to post this because my Mom has relapsed today. She quit drinking over half a year ago, but did relapse one other time before today. She says we don’t care about her (only states this when she is drinking, never has she said this sober) and don’t want to help. My problem is that my depression has gotten to the point where I just simply exist. I rarely feel anything other than an empty void within me. I don’t have the motivation or the strength anymore to provide that loving affection she desires. I have so many things on my plate right now I am simply overwhelmed. I am twenty years old, never had a date or even a loving connection with a female, never had a job, don’t have my driver's license. I was finally ready, coming into this summer to get my drivers license, get a job, and start losing weight (I am overweight and I figured it would help my damaged self esteem), but my Grandma fell and broke her elbow and dislocated her shoulder, so Joe and I have been doing more work and I barely have any free time in the day (this is an exaggeration, I do have time, it just feels like the days go by so quickly). I simply don’t know what to do. I feel stuck in a loop. I want to stay in bed all day, curled in a ball, but my responsibilities keep me from sinking into that pit (so I guess that is one positive to the whole Grandma situation) and forces me to do something. I don’t want to waste my life anymore, I am the last of my friends to not have a job (I was the first to graduate, so I’ve had even more time to get my crap together than they have) and I feel like a complete failure. A leech that never contributes to society, let alone my family. Sorry for the long post and thank you again to anyone who reads this. I needed to get this out, though I feel like it was only a small portion of all the crap I have welled up inside of me, but maybe this is the first step in the right direction. I wish you all a happy and lovely day/night. TL;DR Past five years of my life consisted of my Grandpa’s death, a hoarding Grandma, and an alcoholic mother. P.S. If anyone is wondering I do not plan to kill myself. I have not had suicidal thoughts so far, so no need to worry about that.",-0.9994,negative,grateful 397,depressed,Sharing my situation,listener_1,2,"Hope you are doing better man, you aren't the only one. Keep pushing",0.7003,positive,consoling 397,depressed,Sharing my situation,speaker,3,"Wanted to quickly say that I appreciate you taking the time to not only read my post, but to reply as well. Thank you. I am doing a bit better and I hope you're doing well. We can't be lost within the darkness that casts a veil over our minds and encumbers our heart. The murky film that claims our eyes must be removed or else it will continue its fabrication and we'll never see the light of day... or what makes life worth living. Thanks again, I truly appreciate it.",0.9894,positive,grateful 398,depressed,Can i take Motrin with generic Paxil?,speaker,1,"Im taking 20mg of generic Paxil and im having allot of lower back pain, i wanted to know would it be ok to take Motrin, which i hear is ood for pain and swelling?",-0.765,negative,apprehensive 398,depressed,Can i take Motrin with generic Paxil?,listener_1,2,"Taking ibuprofen with [Paxil](http://rxquickmeds.com/buy-paxil-usa.html) (generic or otherwise) may increase the likelihood of an upset stomach. Gastritis is the most common side effect of SSRI [antidepressants](http://rxquickmeds.com/antidepressants-medicine-usa.html) and ibuprofen. taking them together increases your chances of having an upset stomach. The anti-inflammatory dose of ibuprofen is 1600-3200mg daily in divided doses. If you're sure you don't have a kidney infection and tylenol doesn't help, you could try the ibuprofen. if you do, take it and the paxil with food. Taking prilosec or prevacid will help to avoid any gastritis but it's not a guarantee. stop the ibuprofen at the first sign heartburn or nausea.",-0.0147,neutral,apprehensive 398,depressed,Can i take Motrin with generic Paxil?,speaker,3,Thank you for useful and interesting resource response.,0.7964,positive,acknowledging 399,depressed,I'm a 20 year old kid who doesn't know what to do anymore.,speaker,1,"I have no idea what to do with my life anymore...I wanted to be in the military but I was so scared of the thought of not ever being able to come home I didn't know what to do then and..I shut down. I got sent home on a general discharge and I'm back at home working a dead end job and living with me dad who's starting to pull all the money I make away. Like something $200 a month or so, he has t started yet but...I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I try to think positive and keep going to hopefully make something of myself but reality his me like a ton of bricks. it hits me telling me I'll never live up to be better than me dad or anyone around me. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm confused, I'm terrified of I'll even be able to get remotely close to living my own life...I'm trying not to break down as I write this. Please can someone tell me some advice or tell me I'm going to be ok.? I just don't know what to do anymore. I want to give up right now...just sleep and never stop dreaming.",-0.7263,negative,devastated 399,depressed,I'm a 20 year old kid who doesn't know what to do anymore.,listener_1,2,"Minor bump in the road man. I was rejected from the Marines 12 years ago now and it still hurts. I turned down 2 football scholarships to go and got canned at meps for a clicking in my knees. Things happen in life we don't always understand right away. Nobody's life turns out exactly how they want it , you just gotta roll with the punches, get up and dust yourself off and keep truckin. You're Young yet, your best years are yet to come. ",-0.2263,negative,devastated 399,depressed,I'm a 20 year old kid who doesn't know what to do anymore.,speaker,3,But I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I go and try something I know I'm good at but only to be pushed aside by someone who is better than me. I tried to ask this girl out recently but only to be rejected because the friend who took me out ended up with her...it's like I'm always being pushed to the side because I'm never good enough for anything or anyone.,0.5253,positive,disappointed 400,depressed,I don't know what.,speaker,1,"20, female. I'm currently in university right now but at the minute it's summer so I'm at home. My parents moved away from my old town before university. After living in my old town for ten years they decided they couldn't afford to stay there anymore and moved up north to buy somewhere cheaper. For context: Parents have moved around a lot while I've been alive, including from the UK to the states and back, particularly when I was a kid though. This last town I lived in for ten years, which is the longest I've lived anywhere, so it's what I'd call home. So they moved into the cheaper place ('New town'), I went to uni. I didn't want to move, because honestly I'm shitty at making friends and keeping them, so the few friends I had were worth something to me. I also have a boyfriend in my old town. Because I've been mainly at university, I don't know anybody here. There's also nothing of interest here, to be frank. The rest of my family have been here for a year. I've literally spent days upon days feeling isolated. I've tried getting a job, but nowhere wants to hire a student who is going back in September, so I'm surviving on odd jobs. The irony is that despite my family moving here, they're still piss poor because they can't budget for shit. Mum blames dad for it and dad blames mum for it, they argue. They've been arguing like this for decades. Mum always talks about slitting her wrists, and how much she 'fucking hates' my dad. I question why they stay together, because at this point I just want them to break up. They've been dragging me and my sister through their relation-shit for years. I don't feel particularly close to any of my family. I just co-exist with them. We don't really do hugs or 'I love you' unless it feels necessary, but it's just awkward when it happens. Mum used to be a huge narc towards me, and I think my sister is still the golden child, though her behaviour towards me has calmed down dramatically since I went to university. In a way I kind of pity her. Relationship with dad is almost non-existent. He'll maybe give me a side-hug when he comes home from work at the weekend, and then spend the weekend on the net. I'm not entirely sure if I really have much of an attachment to any of them. I feel guilty about this. Sorry, I know maybe this isn't coherent and I don't really know what point I'm trying to make, except I feel lonely. I just want to go home. I still see my BF fairly often. Our relationship is pretty healthy, though I'm frightened of losing him. I feel like I just can't connect with people. I can be outgoing, I can make them laugh. But I only feel truly full of some sort of life if I'm drunk or high on something. I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but I do feel that's the only way I'm truly *open* during social events. Otherwise, I just stay quiet after introducing myself. Sometimes I despair in private to my BF: 'I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say to people.' Fucking hell. I want to be interesting. I truly do. In retrospect I guess that's everyone's human struggle, really. But I just can't feel greatly towards anything. The strange thing is, although I was sad when I began writing this, now I just feel indifferent. I used to draw, I really loved illustrating. I used to go to street dance classes. I played soccer/football as a kid. Having hobbies is obviously easier when you're a kid. But now I have nothing, really. I can't even really motivate myself to draw for long periods of time. I keep cutting my hair off. What do I do? I just surf the web. I have small existential moments, scolding myself to lose weight, make friends, get a new hobby. Sometimes, I do it, for a few days. Then I fall into indifference again. I don't know what to do, but at the same time I do. I just feel nothing great towards it. I don't want my life to be like this. Inside I do have ambitions, but they're years away. I want to move to NZ, but I need to finish my degree and learn a desirable skill. How do I blossom as a person, instead of staying stagnant? How do I come back to life? Sorry, again, I know this probably isn't even that bad and maybe it sounds like I'm whining. This isn't everything, there's a load of other things in the mix I can't even recall right now. I'm so tired. I'm thinking about going to counselling, but I'm trying to work the guts up to do it. I just wanted to write it out.",0.1831,positive,lonely 400,depressed,I don't know what.,listener_1,2,"I don't really know if I have the greatest advice about blossoming or moving past that listless state of existing, as I am in a similar situation. I will try to keep this short and I do hope that I can help, even if it's only slightly. In regards to co-existing with your family, I recommend two things. One is to try and motivate yourself to interact with your family more. Try talking with them little by little. One of them is bound to appreciate your efforts. The second option is to not worry about them. I know that sounds harsh, but if a situation is bleak and no one cares anymore then your energy is better suited toward improving yourself as a person instead of worrying about a family that is holding you back. I would suggest the first option be attempted first, but that's just my opinion. Those fears of the one you love leaving always seem irrational to an outside viewer, but it is a genuine worry to most. I think focusing on your relationship with him is very important. The way you describe it makes it seem like you both are happy together, so I say build upon that happiness. I am not the best for relationship advice as I have never been in that form of relationship before, so sorry if this didn't really contribute to anything. Counselling is a good idea, sometimes just the simple act of talking to someone can make a big difference. If you're looking for motivation in terms of your creative outlet, I suggest using a person as a motivator. Your boyfriend for example. Try to draw something for him. I used to write poetry, but I stopped for over a year as I didn't have the motivation to continue. I recently regained contact with a friend and she was going through a tough break up, so I wrote her a poem. I wanted to make her smile, so I gave it my all. I even used my amateur editing skills to make it into a video I put on YouTube :P Sometimes it takes me trying to make someone else smile, to make me smile. I can't help with socializing as I am huge introvert and incredibly shy. Most of my days in school involved hiding from my classmates and all that. Sorry for writing far more than I had planned, I tend to do that. Hope this helps and have a lovely day/night!",0.9936,positive,hopeful 400,depressed,I don't know what.,speaker,3,"Thank you! That's really kind of you :) thank you for putting this much effort into helping an Internet stranger, haha. I was having a particularly low day that day, but to be honest a good chunk of it still applies even if I'm not feeling rough, so I really appreciate it! ",0.9591,positive,grateful 400,depressed,I don't know what.,listener_1,4,"No problem. I am happy to help. Internet strangers or not, it shouldn't matter in my opinion. I'm just a human helping another human... unless you're actually a ghost o.o",0.7791,positive,joyful 401,depressed,Some days are good and some I just want to be over,speaker,1,"I'm 20F, just started Uni again after deferring for a year, after starting a completely different degree. I'm really enjoying my subjects and there's a couple of nice people and despite my first two weeks being stress filled, I think I'm going to enjoy doing this course. My boyfriend (22M) is finishing uni, he has thesis this year and then he's going on exchange. I love him, more than anything, but lately it feels like we're just friends who fuck. I don't know if it's because I'm stressed over uni and he's stressed over thesis that we've lost that romantic element or because the relationship is fizzling out. This is my first relationship, and I don't see myself with anyone else, he's perfect. I spent today in bed, for no good reason. I haven't eaten or had anything to drink today. I don't feel like it. It's partly due to my mum. It's just me and her, and I don't feel comfortable around her anymore. She's had mental health issues for a while now and it's starting to take its toll on me. I don't have a job so I don't have the financial means to move out. I want to help her but she doesn't want it and instead turns it back onto me saying I'm the one who's miserable and depressed. She's always telling me how I feel, what I'm thinking, what to wear, how to act! And then she comes at me with ""be yourself"" TTL;DR I'm feeling shit because my home life is shit and my boyfriend is super busy with his own life and I have no life... I don't know what to do. I don't want to feel like this anymore, ever again.",-0.8882,negative,content 401,depressed,Some days are good and some I just want to be over,listener_1,2,"Reach out to your boyfriend. Talk to him about everything --how you feel etc. Maybe he can help. After all, you guys are in a relationship and I think love will never really fade (sorry to sound like a romantic. trust me, i'm not), and it's time to rekindle the fire. And you do have a life btw. The real problem is how you're going to live it. You know what they say, most people just exist. Good luck! ",0.9518,positive,suggesting 401,depressed,Some days are good and some I just want to be over,speaker,3,"Thank you, your words mean a lot ",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 402,depressed,Having a really bad day,speaker,1,"My first love, I was 15 and I absolutely adored her in every way from the day we met, we were involved for a few months as friends and lovers and she was in a relationship and wouldn't leave him (we were kids) so I stepped away and removed her from my life as it was the only way to cope. A few years later we reunited and it was as if no time had passed, and then she chose someone else and again I was devastated and removed her from my life. 15 years went by and I had never felt about anyone the way I felt about her, and we reconnect via facebook (both in our early 30's now) we don't just talk every day, we're sending hundreds of texts a day, everything comes rushing back and she admits she feels the same way. A month passes and we're like goofy teenagers, first thing we do each morning and the last thing we do each night is talk. I tell her how I felt as a 15 year old boy and how happy I am she is back in my life and open to me, she appears shocked and almost forcefully responds and then ignores me for 3 days. I accept that she doesn't and never will feel the same way I do and try to make my peace with it, I thank her for getting me to open up and try to play off how I felt, she is nice to me, friendly, and then ghosts me, I sent her messages twice over the span of a week and she flat out ignored them after all the ""never let us fall apart again"" shit. Over a month has passed and I have been doing well, the first couple of weeks were hell but I've been slowly getting better, Until today, I'm a fucking wreck, Not a day has gone by since I didn't think about her at least once, Today is just like the first few days after, I can't stop thinking about her at all. I am thinking why anything else matters without her, Trying to better myself, Improve my life, without her in it it all just seems like a waste of time. I feel like I've let the only woman I've ever loved slip through my fingers once more. This isn't a ""I have nothing left to live for"" thing, I would never do that, this is a I hope writing about it and talking about it helps kind of thing because if it doesn't I don't know how I'm meant to get through the day.",0.9901,positive,devastated 402,depressed,Having a really bad day,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry youre going through this; I cant imagine how painful it must feel with your history with her. I don't know you or the circumstances with this woman but it sounds like you're a lot better off without her. Not that it makes it easier, I know. You seem like a wonderfully devoted guy who was head over heels for someone that didn't deserve your love. I hope you can keep your strength up, lean on your friends and family and eventually find a woman that will love you as much as you do her. You deserve this; believe in your own worth.",0.9914,positive,sympathizing 402,depressed,Having a really bad day,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for reading my story and responding, Kind words can sometimes be all the difference. The hardest part is she is one of nicest people I have ever met, I have never seen her be mean to anyone, she has been through more in the past 15 years then most people go through in a lifetime. This is half my problem, I need to hate her for how she has treated me but she is an angel, how do you hate that? Every time I try I see her big smile and beautiful big blue eyes and remember just how amazing she is. I feel stuck, Like she could do this to me over and over forever and I could never say no. Thank you again so much for your response.",0.8653,positive,grateful 402,depressed,Having a really bad day,listener_2,4,"Dude, you need to move on. I'm in the same position - I know it's easier said than done. Ignore her, be healthy(er), be successful, let her come back to you - Then dump her ass the next day. AND DON'T EVER REPLY TO ANOTHER MESSAGE! Post photos of you living life with real women and bro's. THAT will get her!",-0.3786,negative,agreeing 403,depressed,Suicide is selfish?,speaker,1,"People have this belief that those who commit suicide are selfish. They're selfish for burdening their loved ones by taking their own lives. But what they don't seem to comprehend, is that people often commit suicide to escape the hell that they are living. To escape the remorse, guilt, depression, and anger that consumes their life. To hopefully, find peace knowing that they will no longer have to wake wake up every day with constant pain in their hearts. Therefore, I am preach that suicide is the path that people often take when they can no longer deal with pain. Stop labeling them as selfish or clinically mentally unstable. THAT'S NOT THE CASE. They are hopeless, fearful of a future, and so hurt that they would rather die than continue suffering. How does that make them selfish? How does that make them crazy...? Mourn those whose lives were controlled by suffering and pain. Pray for their souls to find peace and happiness. ",-0.9977,negative,hopeful 403,depressed,Suicide is selfish?,listener_1,2,I personally think suicide is two things. It isn't selfish. It is one of the bravest things. I don't support suicide but taking one's own life is a very brave thing to be able to do however it is also one of the most cowardly thing you can do. You are running away from life. You show that life has beaten you. A suicide doesn't end everything. Yes it ends the pain for that person however someone else has to carry this pain and the pain of losing someone with them now. Suicide isn't the answer and it isn't selfish. It is honorable and cowardly at the same time. ,-0.9861,negative,sad 403,depressed,Suicide is selfish?,speaker,3,"T-Chill, Your post made no sense and absolute sense at the same time. I feel you and I understand exactly what you're saying and feeling. I think those who go through similar emotional experiences understand each other on a different level. I hope you're doing OK too, T-Chill. am I okay? At the end of the day, I know I'll be fine. I know I've defeated situations more emotionally draining than the ones I am currently facing. Which makes me realize how grateful I am for those past experiences, because I know I am strong enough to deal with the ones that don't level up. Be brave, Be strong, and Be happy, dude.",0.9684,positive,agreeing 403,depressed,Suicide is selfish?,listener_2,4,"I'm definitely not subscribed to the sub or id probably be here a lot more often creating an an environment allowing depression to be the center of my thoughts all the time. I'm dealing with a long term poly-substance abuse issue that seemingly stemmed from boredom alone. So I have a good idea of whats draining me. it doesn't sound as difficult as it really is to deal with as I explained it so Blase'-like, but its a hugest chip on my shoulder ive ever had to deal with. I accept that i caused all my problems with my own choices, but that hasn't made it anything easier to deal with... yet? I wish I could give a professional medical opinion, but i'd probably hurt you more than heal you. I'm confident in putting placing some money on you finding maybe a better hobby, or person who helps support you in a way that will ultimately helps you create a happier version of you. I was feeling some type of way at the same time I 'reddit' lol, and noticed that even typing it out in a sub reddit is a way of reaching out, kind of. It's a start. I hear that realizing you have an issue at all is always the first step, and clearly you've put your mind into it. Be careful when you choose a subreddit to lurk in, because if you surround yourself with 3 other broke people, your bound to be the 4th one. so you might need to make some obvious (for me) adjustments, maybe not so obvious for some tho (natural chemical imbalance maybe? Lonely? etc..) changes. I promise 1 thing, and that is that you taking advice from other depressed people is not the 'best' method for seeking help, lol, but i can see why you would logically come here to post it. look, we're already thinking on a higher level. progress! How was you're day today? Maybe today was a better day than yesterday? I hope you meet all of your goals in life and find what(or who?) makes you happy all the time. You seem to smart enough to articulate yourself (Even the perfect bell-shaped paragraph form), I assuming 94 is your birthyear? You have a lot of time 22 years old. Craziest year of my life, and still making changes in career decisions even though I finished my college degree in chemistry already, nothing is written in stone I promise you (I'm 26 btw) we still got some time on our hands, might as well make the best of em, right? I think I'll start correcting typos today, hah, I type so much lately, that I've let myself become sloppy as a result of typing what I'm thinking right as soon as I think about em. You have an inspiring use of punctuation and grimmer skills. You got this! I even think I'm better off today after receiving a reply to your question, that was apparently misinterpreted to the fullest extent, hah. I'm sending positive vibes your way. (side-note: I only accept reddit gold/guilded tokens at the moment - just kidding) Have a good day :) ",0.9985,positive,agreeing 404,depressed,Birthday.,speaker,1,"Tomorrow I turn 16 years old. Sure, I have friends, family, and all that... But that does nothing to alleviate the fact that I am incredibly lonely. I know that I have my whole life to find ""the one"", but I've tried my hardest to find someone, and I am starting to lose hope. I guess according to my friends that I am conventionally attractive in a way, but the attention that I have gotten from the opposite sex has, in general, shown me the opposite. I feel like I have no way to meet anyone... Trying to meet someone online is really not ideal. I know it sounds superficial, but nearly everyone that I've encountered online has just not been attractive to me. I also can't think of someone at school that has much in common with me at all, and those are really my only two options. It hurts to hear my friends talk about how happy they are in their relationships. I am happy for them, but what do they have that I don't? Why can't I just find someone that I can make happy? It hurts me to see them complain about things their SO's do that I frankly wish that I could have. It's going to be hard to make an exception for one day to not think about being lonely. I want my birthday to be a good day for me, but I can't stop obsessing over it. ",0.9616,positive,lonely 404,depressed,Birthday.,listener_1,2,"I have been (somewhat) in your shoes. And if I need to sum it all up in a few words, them would be ""it gets better"". It really does. My best wishes for an amazing time on your birthday. And a little something for your sweet16: [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI ]. It's one of my favorites songs and kinda a guide for life. Feel free to contact me if you ever need someone to talk to or just vent.",0.9575,positive,wishing 404,depressed,Birthday.,listener_2,3,"that was a good link, I'll have to save it. I like this graduation speech as well but it's aimed for people ready to enter adulthood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfw2Qf1VfJo",0.8225,positive,neutral 404,depressed,Birthday.,speaker,4,"Thank you! c: That song had pretty much everything I needed to hear, and it really helped put things into perspective!",0.7418,positive,acknowledging 404,depressed,Birthday.,listener_1,5,I am so glad to hear that :] Hope you had a great time on your birthday.,0.9333,positive,encouraging 405,depressed,suicidal ideation,speaker,1,"I joke about killing myself so much to people, when will someone take me seriously? ",-0.5994,negative,ashamed 405,depressed,suicidal ideation,listener_1,2,Perhaps you could try speaking about the subject seriously with some you trust? Make it easier for them to realize it's not just joking if you want to increase the probability. ,0.7457,positive,suggesting 405,depressed,suicidal ideation,speaker,3,"I feel really stuck. I feel really shitty. I try to joke about so it doesn't seem so serious. Sometimes I worry that I'll do something to hurt myself, so I try to go to a coffee shop or somewhere public so I know I'm safe. I just want people to show me that they would be open to talking to me, otherwise I feel like a burden- that old chestnut. I guess it's a cry for help in a non committal way. I know there are more adult ways of going about this, I just have my inner voice whispering that I'm not 'sick enough' to talk to anyone. Truth is my psychologist I had been seeing for years- (but hadn't seen in close to a year because she said I didn't need to see her anymore (not cured but had the cognitive skills to overcome my issues))- has closed her appointment book for the year due to her being pregnant. Or that's what the receptionist told me. I just don't want to try to find anyone else. She knew everything. I have had two friends kill themselves. I think about them every day, I think about their families and everyone left behind. I understand the pain left behind. But more frighteningly, I understand why someone would kill themselves. ",-0.9754,negative,apprehensive 406,depressed,Why I cut,speaker,1,I don't cut myself to get attention... I wear long sleeves to avoid them being seen. I do it in hopes to relieve the emotional pain that I am a victim to; I do it to bring physical pain to myself because in my head I deserve it. I deserve to physically hurt if I'm emotionally hurt. It gives me relief. It calms me down. It enables me to move on. ,-0.6794,negative,ashamed 406,depressed,Why I cut,listener_1,2,Tbh I did the same til I realized I got the same pleasure from piercings without the fear of my cuts being seen. ,0.6283,positive,neutral 406,depressed,Why I cut,speaker,3,"yeah, no I completely agree. Except I already have 13 piercings so I'm over it.",0.4201,positive,agreeing 407,depressed,"So, I just tried to kill myself... Again.",speaker,1,"Before I start let me just say this isn't a cry for attention or what not, I just feel so alone and like if I don't say this then I feel like I'm going to go nuts. I've been battling with depression and other stuff but let's not go into that. Lately I've been so alone. I feel like a bad person I know that I'm not but I feel like I don't treat my family the way I should. I also feel like I'll never be anything. I just tried to hang myself. Couldn't go through with it. Wish I was normal or at least a better person.",0.6297,positive,lonely 407,depressed,"So, I just tried to kill myself... Again.",listener_1,2,"I know these sorts of feelings well. Not sure what to say that won't come off as platitudes but you're not alone. No one is normal. We all fall short and make mistakes and do regrettable things even in areas that are important to us. Definitely don't mean to minimize it because I struggle with regrets everyday and know how huge that weight can get. I'm glad you couldn't go through with the hanging. What a gift. Now you have another chance to be with your family the way you want to be with them, and every day get another chance to be different than yesterday. I know it seems such an overwhelming task, to change who we are and the path we're on. But maybe you can think of just one small thing you can do today that would be closer to who or what you want to be in life. Maybe just a kind text message to someone in your family. Maybe meditate or get outside and go for a walk. I know these suggestions sound trite. But sometimes I think it can help to do even these little things that are divergences from what you're inclined to do, from the rut you feel stuck in for now. You aren't stuck. Are you able to be open with anyone in your life about what you're struggling with? Do you have access to mental health services? ",0.9358,positive,grateful 407,depressed,"So, I just tried to kill myself... Again.",listener_2,3,"great story, and I like the way you write. Pets can be very powerful motivators in both getting yourself off the couch, distracting your thoughts, and keeping you from committing suicide, all of which you mentioned. You are not unique in the effect your dog had on you, and it's good to keep sharing your story, along with the background details, so others can read it. Pets aren't a cure all by any means, but they certainly are a start in helping you when you are at your lowest. I read a lot of depression stories and I remember Joan Rivers talking about attempt at suicide and just before she shot the gun, her dog wandered in the room and she thought, ""if I die, who will feed him?"" And that was enough to stop herself and instead start looking up treatment options. ",-0.9587,negative,neutral 408,depressed,"How do you differentiate when it's ""you"" and not your ""illness"" running the show?",speaker,1,"Ugh. This is proof I needed to find some answers. I fretted SO long over the damn title. Disorder? Illness? Disease? Mental condition just looks weird as words now. TLDR: How can I not let my anxiety, PTSD, and depression stop me from 1. Talking myself out of voicing my thoughts 2. Differentiate between if I'm conversing normally or ""unloading"" due to influence of my ailments. Going to do this the best I can without rambling. This isn't something I usually do, I am a very private person. June 2015 I was diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, and Denial of Depression. That's what my medical record says. This came as a huge blow. Myself, and even those close to me couldn't believe it based off my personality. I am blessed with a loving family and caring friends who just don't know how to help. I will say, my best friend did tell me after we graduated highschool ('07) that it wouldn't be a bad idea if I thought about seeking professional help. She was worried because she knew I never did resolve some early childhood issues. ""Your are surprisingly balanced for the shit you've been through, it's scary."" She did not, nor did anyone know of a serious addiction to pills I had developed in middle school. I traded that addiction for alcohol after highschool. I am happy to say I have been sober for 14 months now. I guess I'm old fashioned because I've always had the train of thought ""Mind over matter"" and I suppose this is where the downward spiral began. To this day I can rationalize EVERYTHING and identify perceived problems. (Cringe: All the times I've said ""You would be surprised with the things I can be okay with.) So, I would seek to rectify them. Finally after a series of just... shit, did I realize I was NOT in control. I was powerless to help myself and that one little statement from my best friend nearly a decade ago rang true. So I went to get help. I am doing better, and I am realizing exactly how much my diagnosis influenced my behavior. Paradoxically I am getting worse but getting better as I realize exactly why I do the things I do. In my attempts to heal, the weight of all of these realizations have (within the past year alone) have devolved me into a person who isolates and withdraws. My vulnerability has become so much that it frightens me. For a person who used to be a social butterfly, I find myself unable to find the right words to convey just exactly what I am feeling, or conveying the wrong thing when I meant otherwise. I'm trying to break out of this, and so many things I have blocked out are surfacing. I'm 27 and I am discovering things about myself that most people have already dealt with and got over. This makes me feel incredibly behind everyone else. It's crippling and I see it. I am seeking help, though I only see my psychologist and therapist every 2 months. The weight is overbearing and I've seen some amazing things here on Reddit. I want to be ME again, I don't want to come up with excuses so I don't have to socialize with my friends and family. I don't want to feel guilty all the time because of a situation where something I could have said would have helped somebody or changed a life. I always talk myself out of everything because I'm so self defeating. Ugh, damnit. I rambled. I am having trouble differentiating if I have something of value to offer or if it's the fucked up defense mechanism I've developed trying to hold me back. Healthcare is a damn bureaucracy. You always hurt the ones you love without ever intending to and all of my positive characteristics are a heinous version of Hadrian's Wall of defense mechanisms. Woosah! Keeping a journal just wasn't cutting it anymore. ",-0.2649,negative,anxious 408,depressed,"How do you differentiate when it's ""you"" and not your ""illness"" running the show?",listener_1,2,"Hmm I have an idea...what about youtube? Alot of people open up about their lives on there. Its not just for sensational stupid videos...I recorded a few very personal videos (in which i was crying). I posted them to youtube and to a facebook group. People in the FB group were ultra accepting and it kinda made me better about the shit that i had been hiding from the world for like...my entire life. how is your physical health? I'm not trying to pry but a general rule of life is that when your physical health starts degrading, your mental health issues come out..it kindof sucks. Alot of people are diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression (thats what happens when you go to a GP for a sinus infection and he wants you to try zoloft) so you dont have to feel super bad about it... ",-0.9607,negative,trusting 408,depressed,"How do you differentiate when it's ""you"" and not your ""illness"" running the show?",listener_2,3,"Check out the top two stickied posts on this subreddit (massive lists of depression resources). I need to go back one day and organize them better, but on the second list under the category of ""other"", I list several mental health groups like ok2talk and projecturok. You are an excellent writer. The reason why I don't have any response for you is because you understand your situation so well that I have nothing to offer or add. But you really hit the nail on the head with this line, ""I want to be ME again."" This is how I feel every day, and it is a surprisingly insightful sentiment since your are recognizing that you do like yourself, you just don't like what you've become due to the anxiety, depression, and ptsd. Although, in all my years of researching my own condition, I have never once seen Denial of Depression as a diagnosis. Honestly, that's just weird because most people are in ""denial"" that they have depression until they are finally diagnosed, and even after that, they may not believe it. No one wants to believe they are affected by a mental illness, and they try to either ignore how they feel or find reasons other than depression to try to explain it. Oftentimes people have depression for years before finally seeking out help or accepting there is a possibility they have depression. This is usually how it works. Unlike when you develop an awful rash and go directly to the doctor to get it diagnosed, mental health usually takes a really long time, often years, before people start accepting they need to seek professional help and they may have depression. I have to say, that diagnosis is incredibly strange and I have no clue how it would help you as far as treatment versus writing you have major depressive disorder. edit: you may be new to reddit. If you want to reply to a comment, as you did, hit the ""reply"" option under their comment. As you did it, your comment does not appear as a response and the person who wrote the previous comment will not be notified you are replying to them. Also, while looking at your user page, I noticed I've upvoted a bunch of your recent comments. I didn't realize at the time that those were all written by the same person. So please stick around this subreddit, you've been offering some really great comments and insight. ",-0.9633,negative,impressed 409,depressed,I'm ready to just end it all.,speaker,1,"No one talks to me, I'm unemployed, I feel weak, my whole body hurts, I'm scared of this violent world, I need help. So terribly lonely, I want to just kill myself.",-0.9753,negative,lonely 409,depressed,I'm ready to just end it all.,listener_1,2,"dont kill yourself, please",0.4168,positive,questioning 409,depressed,I'm ready to just end it all.,speaker,3,"No they talk like a robot and hang up after 10 minutes, I'm mentally ill from depression, I see most people as oblivious conformists, or someone who wants to beg me for cigs or cash, then they lie about paying me back which is never. That and I don't like most people bc today's norm is to talk mad shit relentlessly. ",-0.9338,negative,annoyed 410,depressed,"my note. to him, to her.",speaker,1,"TL;DR: my girlfriend immediately started dating my best friend after dating for 5 years. I’ve been feeling suicidal. To him: Life has been good. The last 5 years of my life were the best, most happy, enjoyable 5 years of my life. Everything has turned up on its head. For the past 3 months, I’ve lived in a constant state of deep sadness, anger, and fear. The person that just three months ago was hugging me, kissing me, and telling me she loves me, is now perceived as a pretentious, snotty, “rich girl” in my head because of you. The hate that flows through my veins is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. As well as the strong feeling of missing her. Whatever happens, I want you to fully understand that this is 100% your fault. You seem like you enjoy my pain. If you knew what i felt every day you wouldn’t. I know what you’re gonna say; “i loved her for the whole time you were dating her. So i know the feeling” fuck you. You never had her like i did. Imagine after five years of you owning your car, I just stole it and drove it around you and showed it off to be an ass. I just don’t know how you could do this to someone you called a friend. After all this shit we’ve done together. After being best friends since 6th grade (with some ups and downs), I’m not sure how you can do this to me. I wouldn’t do it to you. To her: I miss you. I don’t know how you can be so fine after 5 years. We had our problems, I didn’t step up to the plate when you needed me to, but when we were with each other, we were happy. We laughed until our chests hurt. We’d wrestle and have so much fun. Your hugs were so warm, so soft, and you kissed so deeply. I am pretty sure, at this point, that for the last few months of our relationship you were cheating on me. Thats the only thing i can come up with. How can you start dating the day after we break up. To me it seems like you had him waiting off to the side. I don’t care. But thinking about the memories are too painful. Remember christmas when we got that little tree in my room and we opened each others presents on my bed? Remember our governors dates? I’d get the chicken fried chicken, and you’d get the two slices of meatloaf, with a side of applesauce. You were always so amazed at the quality of the applesauce (I’m pretty sure it was just from a can though). Sometimes we would get a dessert to share. Remember our car rides? The long quiet ones. But not quiet in an awkward way, it was the type of warm, thick, loving quiet. We were just enjoying each other, instead of talking. I miss that more than you can comprehend. Remember our plans? We were gonna have a house, with Olivia. We talked about our future a lot. And out of all the names through the years, Olivia stuck. But that future is dark. Now our future is a post apocalyptic wasteland, our house is burned down. Professor, our dog is dead. Olivia is dead. You’re dead. And I’m left in the remaining debris of the house, left to sit here and be constantly reminded of my dead life. I miss watching Good Mythical Morning with you, I miss watching Parks and Rec with you. I honestly miss giving you footrubs. no matter how reluctant I seemed to do it, I liked making you feel good. I liked making you happy. I didn’t get to do it often. You seemed to take care of me, you supported me, which isn’t how it should be. It sucks that when I think back at some of our best memories, they make me cringe and wonder how I could’ve been so stupid and thrown it all away. Knowing he makes you happy actually brings me comfort. When i see you guys drive by my house, and i see you smiling in the front seat i get slammed with a rush of pure white hot rage, envy, and happiness. Because you deserve to have basic happiness. These last months really taught me how to love. How to love someone so deeply, I’ve always loved you. But I didn’t realize how much until now. Thank you for the time we had. Thank you for all the love you’ve given me. Thank you, ____, I love you.",0.9988,positive,sad 410,depressed,"my note. to him, to her.",listener_1,2,I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.,-0.188,negative,sympathizing 410,depressed,"my note. to him, to her.",speaker,3,"Thank you, I really appretiate it (:",0.7152,positive,sympathizing 411,depressed,What does it mean if a doctor is convinced a patient has a major depressive episode but not major depressive disorder?,speaker,1,"**TL;DR My mom's psychiatrist is convinced my mom had a major depressive episode but is not convinced my mom has major depressive disorder, contrary to the DSM. My mom is prescribed by her psychiatrist to take antidepressants twice a week. She used to take her antidepressants thrice a week and before that she used to take them daily. I am concerned my mom's treatment may be significantly different if her psychiatrist doesn't disagree with the DSM. Please tell me your thoughts.** &nbsp; --- &nbsp; I wasn't concerned when I first heard that my mom's psychiatrist was convinced my mom had a major depressive episode but not major depressive disorder (my mom's previous psychiatrist had diagnosed her with major depressive disorder) because 1. I didn't think one major depressive episode was enough to diagnose major depressive disorder. I thought a major depressive episode was like fever: You get it, you take medication (usually antidepressants), you taper and then you go on with life. 2. my mom may have had hypomanic episodes (so in that case she's bipolar II instead of unipolar). &nbsp; **As for 1**, I found out ""depression"" (a major depressive episode) was not like fever or spraining your ankle where you usually don't have ""fever disorder"" or ""ankle spraining disorder"" after just one fever or one ankle sprain. I asked my psychiatrist about it who told me that one major depressive episode was enough to diagnose major depressive disorder. I read about depression further and realized how severe depression compared to dysphoria or sadness and so began to have some understanding as to why one major depressive episode was enough to diagnose major depressive disorder. &nbsp; I asked my mom to ask about the one episode thing. She did and then told me that **her psychiatrist doesn't agree that one major depressive episode was enough to diagnose major depressive disorder.** I asked my mom to ask about the implications of such, but she forgot to do it. My mom is weeks away from seeing her psychiatrist again so I've come to reddit. &nbsp; **What would you think of a doctor who disagrees with what seems to be a core definition in the DSM?** I mean, a doctor can't just say for example one manic episode isn't enough to diagnose bipolar I, right? ",-0.9984,negative,apprehensive 411,depressed,What does it mean if a doctor is convinced a patient has a major depressive episode but not major depressive disorder?,listener_1,2,"Your mom is not in the middle of a depressive episode right now, right? She's coming out of one, if I read your post correctly. If that's the case, then the semantics of episode versus disorder don't mean much. The psych is trying to wean her off the drug and see how she does. If your mom has only had one episode, I wouldn't call it a disorder. There are many things those of us with the disorder are not in agreement with the DSM. First, that feeling down for at least two weeks time period is bullshit. Almost everyone has felt down for a few weeks due to some event in their life. Not the same as depression, and the short time period is ridiculous. And someone is considered by DSM definition treatment resistant if they failed to respond to at least 2-3 different medications. Again, ridiculous as most people fail to respond to at least two meds. That's just par for the depression treatment course as you never know how someone's body will react to any particular drug- whether it will help and whether it will have side effects. That number by the DSM is abysmally low and pretty much nonsensical. So in practice, a lot what the DSM says psychs don't actually follow because otherwise you'd be diagnosing everyone with treatment resistant depression. As far as you being worried about the diagnosis affecting you mom's treatment, don't worry. So back to the real world versus the DSM, it's not practical to call someone with one episode (especially if it had a very specific cause) as having the disorder. It's like when my iron was low once and I had to take iron supplements for a bit and then move on with my life. That one episode doesn't give me the disorder of anemia. I was anemic once, most likely due to my diet. But I don't check on medical forms that I am anemic because I was anemic once, just as your mother won't need to check major depressive disorder... which is a very good thing if she wants to avoid the typical stigma backlash. This is what happens with depression treatment. During the episode you are treated until you feel better (ideally... those like me who have double depression and are treatment resistant, never actually feel better, we just reach functional stage again). The goal is normally to get the patient weaned off meds. This is what the pysch is doing. Now, if in the future, your mother has another episode, you can call it the disorder, but again, the semantics of disorder and episode don't really mean much other than to insurance companies who will say you have a preexisting condition, or if you clearly have the disorder where you are always in danger of another episode occurring and need to be on the lookout, or even change your life, in order to keep recurrence at a minimum. Anyway, so if your mother has another episode, how the psych will proceed after will depend on severity, circumstance (what caused them), and length of time between them. So first your mother gets treated for the episode. Then it is discussed through both the psych and therapist what practical changes your mother can make in her life to avoid triggering another one, keeping stress levels low, identifying triggers, coping mechanisms, etc. As far as medication treatment for those with the disorder, this is based on the individual. For some, even if they are now considered to have the disorder (the word is kind of meaningless except to let you know you're probably in for another one in the future), they may be treated only with each episode as it comes since they can be years to more than a decade apart. Then there a people who always need to be medicated at some level. For me, I am always medicated at high levels because without the medication, I simply cease to function. Others with the disorder whose episodes occur more frequently than the first type I described, they will stay on low doses of meds daily between episodes because it helps as a preventative and also keeps a stable level of medication in the patient. So if the patient starts crashing into an episode, they can reach the higher treatment doses faster than if they had no medication in them. Generally, the DSM is not where you look for answers- it's seeing how your mother is doing. If she seems to be responding and doing well, that's all that matters. And based on her only having one episode, it is right for her psych to be trying to wean her off medication (though usually I see the dosage level dropping while still taking it daily, versus spreading out the doses over a week. That's not one i heard of but maybe it works just as well, I don't know the science and all the half lives of each medication.) There's no reason to keep giving mom medication if she doesn't need it daily, even if you want to call what she has a disorder. If your mom thinks she has had hypomanic episodes in the past, this is something to discuss with her pysch. The psych will then know. If your mom is doing well, then her treatment does not need to be adjusted. But if she starts showing signs of hypomania, or starts crashing back into depression, then she goes back to meet with the psych who then prescribes according to how they assess your mom's condition. If the psych thinks she's bipolar, the medication will be adjusted, or at least there will be an attempt to try a new medication and see how your mom responds. And if your mom crashes into another depressive episode, again the psych will assess your mother and decide if she might need to be medicated for longer periods of time after the episode, or possibly indefinitely. But as with all forms of medical treatment, the goal is to keep the patient stable on the least amount of meds. Disorder or episode, it doesn't matter. The pysch is simply worried about finding the treatment method that keeps your mom healthy, which involves both trying to get her off meds or deciding she needs to stay on meds. Basically, to sum up, you are over reading into the DSM definition and thinking a word change will affect actual treatment. It will not. And the DSM is often not practical in real world experience. You want to depend on the psych's knowledge and experience to know what's best for your mom. Of course, I've had shitty doctors (of all specialties) in the past where I didn't trust their knowledge, experience, assessment, or treatment plan and so I changed doctors. But this was due to what I was seeing in reality- was I getting better? If I'm not, is the doctor changing the treatment plan, or able to find an effective treatment plan, to help me get better? Was the doctor treating me with respect? Was the doctor showing concern and listening? Was the doctor addressing or dismissing my symptoms? etc. These are things that matter over what I read is a textbook definition of a diagnosis. Because in the real world it's not so black and white, especially in a field like mental health where diagnoses are assessment based (not objective test based), and treatment is trial and error. I know you are concerned for your mom. For right now, just keep tabs on how you think she is doing and let her know if you see changes- sometimes it helps for us to know if others notice a difference (positive or negative) in our behavior, emotional or mental state, that we may not realize is so apparent to others. Then she can address whatever your observations are with her psych at the next appointment (she seems moodier, she seems to smile more, she is not as talkative, she more readily leaves the house, etc). ",-0.9932,negative,trusting 411,depressed,What does it mean if a doctor is convinced a patient has a major depressive episode but not major depressive disorder?,speaker,3,Very well said and wise words. Thank you! :),0.883,positive,wishing 412,depressed,So bored is code word for when I'm depressed...,speaker,1,You know i've been a lot more depressed lately and this is after graduating from college and moving back home. I'm not working..I think that is make it worse and it's a small town so I feel trapped. I'm actually running for office right now but I have that all organized and planned out i'm still ~bored which is a.k.a. depressed. That's what I say to friends and family. Ofc they don't catch it. I'm always saying I'm bored af and during those times I feel most alone. I don't feel a connection at all to my family who don't even listen when I talk. And my friends and I have grown so far a part. Because of this I stay in bed .. pretty much all day. Some days I can get out but thats after 1pm because it takes me so long to get out of bed and then I have a productive day. I'm high-functioning which makes it even worse because no one can tell how I really feel. Besides being physically alone I just truly feeling emotionally unavailable and isolated. That's why I'm writing here. There's no one else to talk to. Does anyone have tips...that help with their wandering mind? to get themselves engaged in something? I've been throwing myself lately into learning a new language while I wait for employers. But I can only do that for so many hours. Every time I get a moment to think my mind starts reminding me how lonely I am and then my entire day is just over.,-0.8713,negative,sad 413,depressed,"I can't do it, but there's some things I want to say",speaker,1,"1. I have no reason to be depressed. I have loving parents and siblings, a pretty good job (even if it doesn't pay enough) that I used to absolutely enjoy, friends that love me and try their best to help, great grades in my degree, and have been fortunate enough to travel the world and see beautiful things. 2. I feel unworthy of all of these things. Everything has pretty much just fallen into my lap and I don't think I did anything to deserve it. 3. I never planned to kill myself, I just thought I'd die somehow. Now that 6 years have passed and I'm still alive, I'm like ""fuck, now what? do I make it happen or just wait?"" 4. I wish I believed in God. I used to be a hardcore Catholic and I fucking LOVED it. Knowing people around you felt the same, knowing there was more to life, knowing that someone cared and knows you more than you know yourself? It was like going to your favourite band's concert with your perfect boyfriend. The feeling of ultimate unity and knowing you're loved. I know it's probably a psychological con job but I just want to feel that again. 5. I just got back from Catholic World Youth Day and feel nothing. It was nice, everything was pretty, but I still don't believe again. That was my last shot, like maybe finding god would make it worth it again, but now I just feel stupid and bad for spending my church's money on it. 6. My best friend has probably fought harder than I ever have to save my life. I want to make his hate me, make him abandon me before I kill myself but he knows it and won't let me. Sometimes I think I love him so much that it'd be only reason I'm still around. But I also love him so much that I know I need to find a way to lose him before I die. 7. I think my dad and best friend might kill themselves if I did, so I haven't. 8. But, fuck, I want to.",0.9873,positive,content 413,depressed,"I can't do it, but there's some things I want to say",listener_1,2,Have you attempted to get professional help?,0.4019,positive,questioning 413,depressed,"I can't do it, but there's some things I want to say",speaker,3,"I did back in March then convinced myself I was fine until a week ago. My brother told my mom and she told my dad, so yesterday was my first day on medication. So i think it will be okay.",0.6597,positive,trusting 414,depressed,26 years of trauma finally catching up to me... part 2,speaker,1,"[part one](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/4x9q8q/26_years_of_trauma_finally_catching_up_to_me/) I was always a happy child. My brother hated me for it. He'd yell ""Why are you so HAPPY!"" I felt responsible for everyone else's happiness and kept it going for them. I was a ham, and adorable to boot. but maladjusted in school. We moved every year up until the 3rd grade, and then every other year (but at least i was in the same school system). My dad would follow wherever my crazy mom took us. She had parrots, and cared a hell of a lot more about them. She had boyfriends, and ignored me while I was home. I was a neglected child. I had to dress myself, feed myself, get myself to school, make sure I did my homework, all from a very young age. I only knew how to make hotdogs and popcorn for a while so I would do that. I'd melt a whole stick of butter and pour it over the popcorn, and eat it soggy. Surprisingly, I was skinny as well. My diet caused some really bad constipation. I would cry on the toilet all night, not understanding what was going on, in my moms bathroom connected to her bedroom. I’d beg her to help me and she ignored me because she had a boyfriend over. Eventually I’d give up. But i remember that happening way too often without much of a response from her. I was at my moms all of the time except for two nights a week and every other weekend with my dad. I had night terrors too. We’d move and I wouldn’t have any curtains and I’d stay up all night imagining all of the evil things that could see in. My mom let me watch an alien movie that was rated R, because she was watching it and didn’t care what i was doing, and I had night terrors about aliens for years. I still couldn’t have been older than 6 at this point. I’m remember my age based on the house I was living in. There’s almost a different one for every year. I was diagnosed with ADHD, because my brother was getting assessed and my mom hated dealing with us like we were separate, needing entities. so i was medicated during the day with stimulants, and at night with sleeping meds. My mom loved finding things wrong with us, so she could tell her life story to everyone she met and they would pity her. I don't remember a time in my childhood where that wasn't the case. My dad was great, but poor. He was a freelancer. He had given up an amazing job at an ad agency in the city to follow us to narragansett, RI, where there is no work. So he surfed, and I slept on his futon when i was over, and he slept on the couch. He stopped taking my brother after a while. Because he was violent, and institutionalized. I remember one time my brother was sick, and I was SO HAPPY, because he didn’t have the strength to fight me, and he let me take care of him. I pretended to be his nurse all day, and loved him like he didn’t usually let me. He hated me, and still does to this day. So he was emotionally and physically abusive, my mom was manipulative, neglectful, and verbally abusive. But they both knew when to reel it back and give me hope. So I continued to adore them both. They knew exactly how to push my buttons and get a reaction out of me, and then point at me and say “look what a horrible child you are!” …and guilt me in to adoring them and doing anything for them. Oh god, this is hard. there’s still so much more… Around this time, my mom told everyone in the family that her father, my grandfather (and one of my few allies in the family) had raped her. we were all cut off from communication. We stopped going to family parties on my moms side, and were isolated in our own hellish dystopia with a lunatic at the helm. I still thought she was the best. She would tell me this. And how she was going to do important things. She could also “talk to angels” because she was blessed with their hearing, and “ask them yes or no questions.” And she would use that as another tool to manipulate me. She was very creative. idk should i keep going?",-0.9794,negative,ashamed 414,depressed,26 years of trauma finally catching up to me... part 2,listener_1,2,If you are up to it and you think it may be helpful then by all means keep going. ,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 414,depressed,26 years of trauma finally catching up to me... part 2,speaker,3,"Please don't say that. we all have struggles and everyone's experiences are valid. It was not my intention at all to make people feel that their depression has no ground. That's why I've moved this to r/raisedbynarcissists. No one can comment negatively there and it may be a little more applicable to that crowd. Best of luck with your depression and thank you so much for the kind things you've said. We're all in this together, don't let anyone make you feel invalid. Depression is a beast, I'm just starting to feel it and conquer it....mainly because I haven't slowed down enough until now to process it. you're not alone :)",-0.5171,negative,consoling 414,depressed,26 years of trauma finally catching up to me... part 2,listener_2,4,OP is a chick. This comment is cringing to read. ,0.0,neutral,disgusted 414,depressed,26 years of trauma finally catching up to me... part 2,speaker,5,*you're,0.0,neutral,neutral 415,depressed,Depression keeps changing?,speaker,1,"I've been depressed since december last year, possibly longer. Before december I had about a month period where I actually felt happy for a change. Before that I just wanted to drink my sorrows away every day and the loneliness was killing me. Now, in january a relationship I was in ended. I've been depressed pretty much ever since, but my depression keeps changing in it's symptoms. For 6 months since January untill I got over her I was severely depressed due to losing a friend among other things as well and I was suicidal, self-harming at some point, etc. When I got over her, I was still depressed, somewhat midly. But then it gets worse. I've read about different kinds of depression and one week I relate completely to one type, while the next week the other. The symptoms change. Now I'm restless and fidgety. I wasn't like that last week. So, it's difficult to decide what to answer to online depression tests. Anyone else with a similar experience?",-0.9953,negative,lonely 415,depressed,Depression keeps changing?,listener_1,2,"Yes, depression symptoms change. What you are experiencing is nothing out of the ordinary. But what it does indicate is that you are not properly medicated because you continue to be depressed, no matter what symptom you are experiencing. Also, due to the very specific circumstances of what has thrown you into depression, you most definitely should be seeing a therapist. ",-0.7976,negative,agreeing 415,depressed,Depression keeps changing?,speaker,3,"I finally got an appointment with the doctor in about two weeks. I have decided that I should try medication if I'm pescribed to it when I ask my doctor for it. Not sure how to vent, open up or know what to say/tell a therapist though. And I constantly worry my depression isn't serious enough to see a therapist, etc. whenever the thought of seeing a therapist crosses my mind.",-0.8095,negative,apprehensive 415,depressed,Depression keeps changing?,listener_1,4,"There is no such thing as anything not being ""serious enough"" to see a therapist. If you need help and your life is being negatively affected by something, be it depression or a slump or whatever, it's always best to seek out help as soon as possible to limit the length of time you are forced to deal with it. Prior to going to a therapist, bring a list with you. Write down your symptoms; write down a timeline (when you first started experiencing a symptom, what was going on in your life at the time like the break up and loss of a friend); write down how your life have been affected; write down reasons why you think you self-harmed and what feeling you got out of it (like some people self harm to, as they say, ""feel something""); and anything else that comes to mind that you think is related or that you want to talk about. Most people get overwhelmed at their first therapy appointment and forget what they want to say, so having notes will be incredibly handy. At the same time, don't forget that you will have other appointments in the future so not everything will be, or needs to be, done in the first appointment. ",0.5349,positive,prepared 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,speaker,1," I don't really know how to do this or where to start, but here goes. Due to various circumstances throughout my life I've never had the opportunity to see a therapist or doctor of any kind to try and get any direction on my issues. As of right now I am without insurance and low on money so it won't be happening yet either. Sorry for that long-winded beginning. I've been doing a lot of research over the past couple of years trying to figure out what is wrong with me. I was raised to believe that mental disorders like depression and anxiety aren't real and that more severe ones are demonic possession. So I didn't start to consider any of them as a possibility until my late teens when I began to leave most of how I was raised behind. After reading article after article I seem to identify with a mixture of depression and social anxiety. I say this with great hesitation because I'm clearly no professional. All that being said I'm hitting a new low lately and having trouble bringing myself to any type of normalcy. I've always struggled with self worth, but a new job recently has just put me on a whole new level. That combined with my social life is just drowning me. So for some backstory I am 23, I was just married in November and changed jobs in March. First things first a huge amount of my self worth and anxiety problems come from the fact that I was home schooled but pretty much left alone and never technically graduated... As a result I have no other further education and that has always made me feel really inadequate. My marriage is a tricky subject, I love my husband, and he is currently the only person on earth I feel comfortable and can be myself around for the most part. But literally weeks before the wedding I found out he'd been sexting my younger sister over Winter break. It broke me, I still feel insanely insecure. We worked through it in some ways but I almost felt like we forced the marriage because it'd be more embarrassing to call it off and we didn't want to break up. Lastly I had to leave my old job due to pay cuts in March and after some searching found something that made much more. I got the job quickly and through a friend... No big deal right? Wrong. Turns out I now work for a crazy narcisstic woman who tests my patience daily. Just today she exploded saying I wasn't human and doesn't care if she dies. I tried to explain myself... How I deal with things differently. I explained that I tend to get sucked into dark places easily so I try to avoid them so I will not be very responsive when she is negative. Long story short she freaked out, was extremely rude and informed me how not normal I am. Now I'm sitting here on break wondering, is she right? Am I just too broken to function? I have no friends... Literally. A husband I can't help but feel inadequate with most days. I do nothing of any importance or substance and... I just don't know what to do. I went down a really dark path in my teens, struggled with suicidal thoughts and some self harming. I can feel myself now on the cusp of repeating that cycle, the despair is setting in and I'm scared. At the same time though... I go through these waves of being sad and terrified and miserable, but more and more now I just don't care and am numb. If I can be alone with some TV, I just don't want to leave. It's my only safe place now. Maybe I'm just a huge whiner and need to get over myself... I don't know. But I feel so out of control of how I feel, I just needed to get it out somewhere without feeling like a gross burden to those around me. If you're somehow still reading this, sorry for the length. ",-0.9991,negative,ashamed 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,listener_1,2,"Totally hear you that you have a lot going on and don't know who to talk about these issues. Thanks to the stigma and a lot of other complicated things that you have identified, it is hard to find the right people to talk to on these issues. One of the most important things is to find some kind of support or a listening ear of someone who will be able to listen, and try to understand. Life changes like getting married as well as new jobs has a huge impact on our emotional wellbeing. Have you ever tried online therapy or online peer support?",0.9349,positive,trusting 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,speaker,3,This is the closest I've come to opening up to anyone who isn't my husband. He's the only one who knows and he doesn't even know all of it.,0.0,neutral,trusting 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,speaker,4,"This means so much to me... You have no idea... I am smiling through tears. Thank you so much for brightening my life today and for your great advice. I had no idea some therapists will see you for free, I will definitely have to look into what is around me. You are amazing thank you so much! ",0.9668,positive,grateful 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,listener_2,5,And if you ever need a reminder of your good qualities or how amazing you are message me. I will always have time to send you love and Internet hugs.,0.9337,positive,wishing 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,listener_2,6,I'm so glad you posted here so I could meet you. Keep posting your thoughts! Keep expressing yourself! I know I'm not the only person who wishes you every happiness! I'm absolutely serious about you messaging me btw...,0.8306,positive,agreeing 416,depressed,I don't know where else to talk about this...,listener_1,7,Well glad to hear you are feeling brave enough to open up! Sometimes it is tough - but there are some anonymous pages that you could go to and find peer support. It often feels a lot better to let a lot of your internal feelings / thoughts / ideas come out. Holding them inside could only make it worse?,0.807,positive,questioning 417,depressed,I was doing well...,speaker,1,"I had been fighting depression for quite sometime, and for years, it was winning. I had finished up a portion of my schooling, a major hurdle, and with that, a lot of that depression seemed to fizzle away. This was a new and unusual feeling for me, feeling like the mask had been lifted away and liberated me for the last ~4 months. Just tonight, I was trying to go on a date (for the first time in weeks) with my GF and the depression re-revealed itself. I was really excited for our date, it was supposed to just be a simple on-campus movie. We don't get the chance to go out much anymore. I'm quite stressed these days, but handling it all decently well IMO. Anyways, time is always of the essence for me (in the busiest year of med school), but my GF deserved a date night. We both got dressed up, and came from our respective jobs for this. 10 minutes go by, no movie. 20 minutes go by, no sign of a movie still. I got too worked up, and said that I can't wait any longer, and just decided to leave. She is pretty disappointed in me, and won't talk to me now. IDK, I guess, just thank you for letting me release. I appreciate it.",0.2454,positive,joyful 417,depressed,I was doing well...,listener_1,2,"It wasn't your fault the movie didn't start. Things like this happen, I guess. Maybe you could've gone out for a cup of coffee instead of just walking away, don't mean to sound mean or anything. (I lack social skills). ",-0.2851,negative,suggesting 417,depressed,I was doing well...,speaker,3,"Yeah, hindsight is always 20/20, and I thought about that afterwards. Something like that would have certainly better than my grump-a-lump attitude.",0.8402,positive,acknowledging 417,depressed,I was doing well...,listener_1,4,"Unfortunately not all of us have that. Many a time I've almost kicked myself because I had a sudden flash n gone, ""Dammit! I should've done/said this.""",-0.4003,negative,embarrassed 418,depressed,"I'm depressed and I don't want help, right now..",speaker,1,"All my friends want to cheer me up by taking me out and introducing me to all their friends. When I do go it's 'great' , I stand around awkwardly, avoiding eye contact, not opening my mouth, then people wonder who the man of the hour is. I just want to sulk at home where I'm comfortable and not have to reject everyone who wants to hang out with me. I'm losing all my friends, but I hate being forced into situations I don't want to be in. ",-0.3826,negative,ashamed 418,depressed,"I'm depressed and I don't want help, right now..",listener_1,2,"It's cool that you have friends that care about you. I know the feeling of people trying to cheer you up in ways that are uncomfortable and don't work. They just don't understand what it's like to be you, and that's okay. How about doing an activity class or meetup? Go alone or with a friend. That's what I do. It's hit or miss but I'd rather try something than nothing and sometimes it pays off and I actually enjoy the activity and the socialization. Hope you're feeling better today...",0.9668,positive,grateful 418,depressed,"I'm depressed and I don't want help, right now..",speaker,3,"Thank you very much, You're spot on with your assessment. I am doing better, this was a low point in the middle of the night, but I did blow off someone yesterday and so now I'm spending all weekend alone haha. Im trying and its getting better day at a time",0.8176,positive,agreeing 419,depressed,very suicidal and sad tonight at 3 am,speaker,1,"i took 4 xanax with alcohol. i seriously want to kill my self.. i am alone, have no friends, no one.. i am at my parents house 24/7 doing literally nothing. i am just a 19 years old with no future, i can't even see my self in 6 moths... why do I live? why do I need to suffer if i can end it all now.. ",-0.9255,negative,lonely 419,depressed,very suicidal and sad tonight at 3 am,speaker,2,"i feel like i want help, but i want to be dead because my life is failure, i see no bright future, not any kind of future... and a lot of thing would be ok if i am dead.. no one would care if i commit suicide.. ",-0.9607,negative,neutral 419,depressed,very suicidal and sad tonight at 3 am,speaker,3,it's just so confusing.. my mind is all fucked up...i feel like im going to be free if i commit a suicide,-0.6588,negative,terrified 420,depressed,Need online therapy,speaker,1,"Hey Reddit, I have been really depressed and lost for over a decade now. I seek online therapy but I really need it to be affordable and helpful. Ant leads on this? Desperate out here for far too long and dealing with many issues. Thanks, all",0.258,positive,sympathizing 420,depressed,Need online therapy,listener_1,2,"I'm not a therapist. But I think I'm willing to spend an hour a week listening to you and maybe reflecting what you said. I think that can be beneficial in itself for depression. And maybe offering solutions if you are interested. Just know I'm not a therapist, I'm just a guy. I'm in therapy myself though and have learnt some stuff. Edit: Just saw you said a decade. Hmm. If you've been depressed that long idk if me just listening to you will even help. I imagine you might need someone qualified. Let me know what your thoughts are though.",0.2263,positive,suggesting 420,depressed,Need online therapy,speaker,3,"Hi brian242 That is really nice of you but as you said, a decade begs for professional help. So you are finding therapy helpful? Never been for one personally...",0.8518,positive,questioning 420,depressed,Need online therapy,listener_1,4,"Yes I love therapy. Well I've heard bad stories out there. But my therapist is great. I reconmend find a gestalt therapist, and be as honest as you can about all your thoughts and feelings (or lack of feelings) and keep being honest even if you're scared. I personally express my angr at my therapist too when I get annoyed and he accepts it.",0.9011,positive,trusting 421,depressed,Really need someone to talk to...,speaker,1,"Been dealing with depression for the better part of a decade. 26 yr old male, no health insurance. I could just really use something. Been clouding my depression with vices such as sex, video games and alcohol for far too long. I need a real conversation. It doesn't have to be private, im fine with comments. I just need an ear and a voice.",-0.7096,negative,lonely 421,depressed,Really need someone to talk to...,listener_1,2,Message me if you wana talk. I'm open to giving you my social media apps or #. Be safe. F24,0.6486,positive,trusting 421,depressed,Really need someone to talk to...,listener_1,3,I'm here to listen. What's on your mind? I'm Dani btw.,0.0,neutral,caring 421,depressed,Really need someone to talk to...,listener_1,4,I'm sorry to hear that. How have you been this past week? Have you been able to eat? Get a bit of fresh air? (Sent a pm as well. Feel free to ignore.),0.6641,positive,sympathizing 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",speaker,1,"I see a lot of people say this is common with all depression medications, can I expect this side effect to be present if I switch meds? Do people usually just live with them?",-0.6199,negative,questioning 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",listener_1,2,"I've jumped between about 4 different SSRIs in my lifetime. For all of them, I've eventually gotten back to normal. ",0.0,neutral,hopeful 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",speaker,3,how long did it take?,0.0,neutral,questioning 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",speaker,4,"Yeah that's what I was thinking at first too, but it's actually causing ED issues as well so it's just no good for either of us right now. I've been on effexor for a month and a half at a thereputic dosage and i dont feel any different anyway, so I'm going to go off it either way....just didn't know if I should give up on meds entirely or if there's a good chance another one might not cause issues. My doctor is always really light on the details.",0.7837,positive,neutral 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",listener_2,5,"Don't give up meds entirely. You're going to lose your sex drive anyway if you sink deeper into depression. Side effects vary by individuals. It's good you are switching if Effexor isn't helping you, though. There are some antidepressants that don't seem to have as many reported sexual side effects like Wellbutrin, Remeron, Brintellix, or Viibryd. ",-0.4382,negative,apprehensive 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",speaker,6,"That's good to know. I was kind of on the fence about going on meds in the first place, since my symptoms are very mild and I never really even knew I was depressed in the first place. I'm actually kind of surprised my doc wanted to go down the med route. Well see what he says about switching ",0.3197,positive,surprised 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",listener_2,7,"If you're symptoms are mild, and you are seeing a therapist as well, you shouldn't need to be on medication for very long. Just don't quit them cold turkey or you'll make hell for yourself. Also, make sure you are seeing a psychiatrist for medication, not your GP. ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",speaker,8,"he didnt suggest seeing a psychiatrist before perscribing me effexor, so I haven't seen one yet. We'll see what he says next time i see him, I feel like there's been a slight improvement the last couple of days as well...maybe it just took my body a really long time to react to them properly. ",0.6378,positive,suggesting 422,depressed,"Sexual side effects with Effexor, can I expect these same side effects from all SSRI/SSNI?",listener_2,9,"see a psychiatrist. GP's knowledge of mental health and how to treat it is very rudimentary as it is not their specialty, they usually just prescribe whatever medication has been left by a drug rep or one they've heard of. You don't need him to tell you to see a psychiatrist, just make an appointment with one. ",0.4019,positive,questioning 423,depressed,Anyone awake?,speaker,1,"My friend's daughter just died from SIDS. I don't know what to say, I'm trying to hold it all together to be able support my friends but I don't know what to say or do and I'm grieving too. Anyone here to talk with?",-0.5927,negative,sad 423,depressed,Anyone awake?,listener_1,2,"I Have felt with death a few times. (EMT) When my medic tells me to stop working on someone, he Just says ""I'm so sorry"" to them. That's it, that's all you can ever say because nothing will help them feel better. Look up the process of grieving. There are about 5 steps. Read up on them and watch for signs at which stage he's at and be able to support him at that stage.",-0.7782,negative,sad 423,depressed,Anyone awake?,speaker,3,Thanks. I think I need to spend some time in r/funny or something. Will look at the grief thing you mentioned.,-0.0772,negative,acknowledging 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,1,"So yea the title says it all i'm basically a human pile of trash that does nothing better than playing video games all day. I'm always trying to get girls but I never succed. Everytime I try to get a girl I get friendzoned and end up in the same routine again and again. Besides all this I have really bad anxiety and panic attacks to top it all of. I need tips to get girls and to get fit please I weight 97 kilos and I have 1,74 cm height. In the comments I'm going to try to put a picture of me so you can see how ugly I am.",-0.9433,negative,ashamed 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,2,https://postimg.org/image/z2hfq797d/5f84d2ff/ ,0.0,neutral,sentimental 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,listener_1,3,u dont look fat or ugly,-0.5106,negative,acknowledging 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,4,Hey man thanks for sharing your opinion with me really apreciated :),0.8393,positive,acknowledging 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,5,This photo was some months ago now I'm worse and fatter believe me ,-0.4767,negative,sad 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,6,I'm fatter now but still thanks for the opinion :),0.8338,positive,neutral 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,7,It's really bad but I hope you do good on your life man! ,0.7647,positive,consoling 424,depressed,I'm 15 i'm fat i'm ugly and I never had a real girlfriend.,speaker,8,Thanks man! And sorry for the late response,0.4389,positive,sympathizing 425,depressed,"feeling awful, how are you?",speaker,1,say a bunch of words that will get my mind off of feeling shitty,-0.4767,negative,neutral 425,depressed,"feeling awful, how are you?",listener_1,2,Also awful. But I have some things to look forward to. And that's important. Moving to Kentucky. Being with the girl I love. Finishing school. Making money. How pretty it is outside (sometimes. I live in Florida and it's humid af) How every single day it's a struggle in the morning to get up and move but showering feels too good. I'm sorry you feel like shit. But life is worth it. Just gotta work to make it worth it. But I feel ya man. I'd rather be laying in my bed with the covers sobbing until I pass out so I can have one good night of sleep. But we can't. Cuz life demands us to live. So we gotta make the best of it. ,0.9684,positive,joyful 425,depressed,"feeling awful, how are you?",listener_2,3,"Life demands us to live, so we gotta make the best of it. Thank you stranger, i don't know why but that actually helps me",0.631,positive,neutral 425,depressed,"feeling awful, how are you?",listener_1,4,No problem. Glad to have helped. I hope it gets easier for you friend. ,0.8261,positive,sympathizing 426,depressed,Wouldn't mind someone to talk to tonight,speaker,1,"I feel so anxious and a bit sad about life right now. I wouldn't mind talking to someone or having someone talk about themselves to me tonight. Just don't really feel like being so alone at the moment. Feel free to PM me, especially if you need someone because I'll be here to listen.",-0.7206,negative,lonely 426,depressed,Wouldn't mind someone to talk to tonight,listener_1,2,Hi am here let's talk am feeling quite bad right now .,-0.5095,negative,sympathizing 426,depressed,Wouldn't mind someone to talk to tonight,speaker,3,"Hi, what's up. Please vent away. Im sorry you feel bad :/ Im here to listen though.",-0.5994,negative,sympathizing 426,depressed,Wouldn't mind someone to talk to tonight,speaker,4,"If you ever need someone to listen or hear you out, I'll always be a message away to listen. I don't want to sound like im giving you advice or anything but i do want to help you try and look at the things that are giving you a hard time at a different stand point because sometimes that helps me. You can always retake a course, which i know costs extra money but if you want to study medicine you gotta do what u gotta do. Community colleges are also cheaper. If you are straight up failing these papers than it sounds like you might have to change something like maybe getting a tutor or go/look up a writing resource center. I believe you can make your dreams come true and study medicine, but trust me, it only gets harder from there you know? Love and relationships are always a bit tricky. Our feelings are so all over the place and it sucks cause there's not much you can do except try to distract yourself and eventually in time one day hopefully it won't bother you anymore. Or you meet someone great. I'm sorry but she doesn't deserve you if she cheated on you. I would also be angry if I still had feelings for someone who did that to me because 1) we can't help the way we feel 2) like wtf how could she do this to me. Try to tell yourself that you are awesome and you deserve someone way greater than she is, someone who wouldn't so something like cheat on you. You don't want to be with someone like that. Nobody does, well i wouldn't think so. I mean, I'm not going to lie but failing something 4 times is quite a bit, but hey it doesn't mean you can't succeed on the next one. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but if studying medicine is really what you want than you should really consider seeing a tutor or retaking classes. You should try and take care of yourself as well. I'm not trying to tell u what to do, but I think telling yourself that you are going to take one step at a time and that's okay is important. Tell yourself everyday that you can do it and you are a great person. You will get where you want to be even though it may seem a bit far away right now. But when you get there you will be like shit, look at me now. You are awesome dude and one day be the person that you want to be. You say your family may think of you that way but that is only temporary. You are her eldest son, she loves you, she is your mother. She wants you to do great and she knows you can, but you know she's probably like hm what is going on? It's hard to do well in school when there is heartbreak and other factors in life that bring you down unfortunately. A lot of people don't understand that it seems and it sucks. But hey, i believe in you. I don't know you, but that fact that you came here to vent out proves that you did something to help yourself. To be honest, I don't think the world understands anyone. I believe in you dude and im always here if you need someone to talk to. If you want to keep venting go along. ",0.9965,positive,caring 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,1,"I feel like I'm screaming and no one hears me. And when they do, I am told I am just wanting attention or I am throwing a fit. Everyone tells me I am fine and all I need to do is just let it go and get over it. I'll get through this, they tell me, if I just change my attitude. But it's not working and no one will listen to me! I feel so heavy I can barely move. My back is constantly hurting like I am carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. I can't concentrate. I can't work. I'm slowed.. I am having issues thinking and putting thoughts together. I have no appetite. I can't sleep.. I'll sleep for like 30 minutes and I will wake up thinking I've been asleep for hours, but it's nothing in time.. and then when I try to sleep at night, I'll sleep for an hour and wake up and be up for so long before I can fall back asleep. I hallucinate. I see shadows coming for me, or people around me doing strange things they aren't doing. I'm seeing signage with words relating to death -- like there is a sign on a restaurant here and I think it says ""Rebel Chicken"" but when I see it, it says, ""Fatal Chicken."" I'll see other words being replaced with words like death or deadly, or murdered, killed, suicide, etc. I feel trapped and hopeless like I'm never going to get out of this alive. I hear whispering in my ear that I need to just off myself, every day, because it would be better for everyone if I did. But at the same time, there is something inside of me that is telling me this isn't right. I'm losing my mind! And NO ONE seems to care or notice! I'm beginning to think they are all plotting against me or something.. I need help. I need someone to rescue me or something! I don't know!! As much as I know how stupid this is, and how much it sounds like an excuse, I can't put myself above any one else. I need someone to take me and put me somewhere where they will help me because I won't go on my own. I am not important enough to help and there are other people who need it more than I do. That's just how it is. I can't help myself because I am not worth it. I am really just a piece of shit of a person and I have no idea why I don't just kill over already. What am I doing here?? And if I am not, why doesn't anyone help me? How can no one see me?! What can I do? What do I do?? Is there anyway to just disappear? Is there somewhere I can go for a while and get better? It's just getting worse every day. It's not going away. It's been building for months and I feel it's going to explode. I'm going to explode! ",-0.9838,negative,annoyed 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,2,">why doesn't anyone help me As far as I can tell from your post, you haven't actually sought out help... professionally. It's like if you have a heart issue, you can talk about it all you want but what can anyone around you do? And nothing will change unless you seek out a doctor to address it. Make an appointment with a therapist and a psychiatrist and go from there. ",0.5749,positive,questioning 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,3,"I don't have money for a therapist and they are all too expensive. I contacted several and found one that did a sliding scale, but the lowest cost was still $50. I don't qualify for the very reduced therapists because I'm not disabled or have another issue like drug addiction, or am a student. I live in a all college town, so I guess they have practically no resources available. I spoke to the churches as well, but their services center around their belief system and some even require membership. It's not as if I have not tried :(",0.4232,positive,lonely 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,4,"Well, you admitted that your life is on the line. It's no different than any other medical condition. It's not going to get better unless you get help. [Don’t cut depression out of your budget](http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/18/34855/depression-budget%22target=%22_self%22/2) also, check out the money section of this: https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/3d6gaa/my_massive_list_of_depression_resources_part_2/",0.0258,neutral,agreeing 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,5,"I do appreciate the links. The one with the list of resources I was checking out before, but some of the links were broken :( The story about budgeting for therapy was good. I know all of these things -- this is nothing new. I was diagnosed with chronic depression in my teenage years (I'm in my 30s now) and have been through every possible solution. The only thing that helps is therapy. I have a hard time allowing myself to set aside the funds for therapy when I feel as though I am undeserving of the attention from another. And yes, it is ridiculous and yes, part of me realizes and accepts this low point is just a low point. But the bigger part of me just wants to give up because I know this is a life long struggle and it will never fully go away, ever. However, the writer is correct -- everything is MUCH more difficult without some sort of help. ",-0.8718,negative,grateful 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,6,"I found some of the broken links when I was looking at it to post to you. I originally made these lists about 4-5 years ago, so even though I add links when I find them, I only click around on a few random links each time to check to see if they are still working. One of these days I'm planning a massive overhaul of the lists anyway to categorize them better and to check each and every link. But until then, if you find a broken link, please PM me (or add it here). As far as what you said, it's a bit of a catch-22. You want to give up, feel your unworthy of attention, and don't really want to invest the time and money into seeking out help because you see it as somewhat useless as helping you in the long run. Except that is how you feel exactly because you haven't sought out help. Your brain telling you there is no point getting help is a symptom of it needing help. And you need to use your brain in order to get better except that your brain is hardly in any position to help you and will fight you all the way on it. It's not easy to start to get help, nor is the road to helping yourself easy. It's like with people who have for years been ignoring or making excuses why they just don't have the time or money to address an aching knee, or the possible symptoms of your dietary choices. Because change is long an hard, often requires time and money and daily conscious thought of what you can do to help yourself, and there is no magic cure pill so it seems like we'll be this way forever. But then you reach a point after a long time of physical therapy, or a new diet and exercise routine, or addressing your mental health through a therapist and/or psychiatrist, where you are actually starting to feel better. It is then you begin to think how they hell you managed to struggle through each and every day in the pain and suffering you were in, and that seems just unimaginable to you now. And everyone's first thought is always, ""why didn't I do this sooner?"" ",-0.7944,negative,annoyed 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,7,I wish that one about depression for moms worked. I want to see what that one is. I have three kids and last year (2015) I lost 3 friends to suicide and they were all fathers. I'm battling this idea of suicide vs. how any parent could take their own life. I really appreciate you talking with me and offering me sound advice. You have no idea what it means to me to be acknowledged like this. Thank you. ,-0.7033,negative,grateful 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,8,What is the article name I have written for that broken link? I want to fix any broken links. There's also this: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/q929h/resources_for_moms_those_who_are_going_to_be_moms/,-0.7096,negative,annoyed 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,9,"No, that's the one. It has the title and then [removed] under it. I guess that is not technically broken. ",0.3724,positive,neutral 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,10,"ugh, are you kidding me? I can see them so I have no clue until someone tells me, as you did, that they were removed. Let me see if I can get them back up, otherwise I will post all the links here. ",-0.5945,negative,furious 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,11,Thank you :) ,0.6705,positive,wishing 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,12,"part 2: **books**: copy of chapter ""Children of Depressed Parents"" from the book The Edge of Darkness by Kathy Cronkite: http://imgur.com/QsW1D,neLcM,KeByl,tKhTz,Y2VzK http://www.amazon.com/Sorrows-Web-Understanding-Depressed-Children/dp/B004JZX1TE/ref=sr_1_sc_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1329195154&sr=8-3-spell http://www.amazon.com/Pregnant-Prozac-Essential-Making-Decision/dp/0762749407/ref=pd_sim_b_3 http://www.amazon.com/Mommy-Childs-Guide-Parental-Depression/dp/1929622716/ref=pd_vtp_b_5 http://www.amazon.com/Ghost-House-Maternal-Depression-Children/dp/B003B3NWXU/ref=pd_vtp_b_3 http://www.amazon.com/Deeper-Shade-Blue-Recognizing-Childbearing/dp/0743254759/ref=pd_vtp_b_5 http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Blues-Every-Depression-During/dp/0385338678/ref=pd_vtp_b_4 http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Decision-Handbook-Women-Depression/dp/0976581418/ref=pd_vtp_b_5 http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Your-Moods-Youre-Expecting/dp/0547053622/ref=pd_vtp_b_8 http://www.amazon.com/Pregnancy-Postpartum-Anxiety-Workbook-Compulsions/dp/1572245891/ref=pd_vtp_b_7 http://www.amazon.com/Mother-Mother-Postpartum-Depression-Support/dp/0425208087/ref=pd_vtp_b_6 http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Blue-Surviving-Depression-Anxiety/dp/B004X8W91S/ref=pd_vtp_b_10 http://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Postpartum-Woman-Depression-Clinicians/dp/0415989965/ref=pd_rhf_ee_shvl2 http://www.amazon.com/Sucked-Then-Cried-Breakdown-Margarita/dp/B004J8HXA4/ref=pd_sim_b_6 http://www.amazon.com/Down-Came-Rain-Postpartum-Depression/dp/1401308465/ref=pd_sim_b_4 http://www.amazon.com/Thinking-Having-After-Postpartum-Depression/dp/1413473474/ref=pd_sim_b_6 http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Well-When-Youre-Depressed/dp/1572242515/ref=pd_vtp_b_11 http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Bear-Family-Parent-Disorder/dp/1425929524/ref=pd_vtp_b_2 http://www.amazon.com/My-Mothers-BiPolar-So-What/dp/1419620061/ref=pd_vtp_b_4 http://www.amazon.com/Bipolar-Pregnant-Planning-Parenting-Depression/dp/0757306837/ref=pd_sim_b_9 http://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-My-Mommy-Gets-Angry/dp/0142403598/ref=pd_vtp_b_4 http://www.amazon.com/Hand-Me-Down-Blues-Depression-Spreading-Families/dp/0312263325/ref=pd_vtp_b_13 http://www.amazon.com/When-Parent-Depressed-Children-Depression/dp/0316738891/ref=pd_vtp_b_6 http://www.amazon.com/Life-Will-Never-Same-Postpartum/dp/0982641001/ref=pd_sim_b_9 http://www.amazon.com/This-Isnt-What-Expected-Overcoming/dp/0553370758 **videos:** http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/takeonestep/depression/video-ch_01.html - pbs out of the shadows (this is a full documentary but it has parts about postpartum depression that I think are worth watching) check out my [original post](http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/) as well for lots more info. Things to keep in mind if you are a mother with depression; quotes from two resources: Harvard maternal postpartum depression links: http://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/reports_and_working_papers/working_papers/wp8/ Serious depression in parents and caregivers can affect far more than the adults who are ill. It also influences the well-being of the children in their care. The first joint Working Paper from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child and the National Forum on Early Childhood Policy and Programs summarizes recent evidence on the potentially far-reaching harmful effects of chronic and severe maternal depression on families and children. When children grow up in an environment of mental illness, the development of their brains may be seriously weakened, with implications for their ability to learn as well as for their own later physical and mental health. This report examines why the continuing failure to address the consequences of depression for large numbers of vulnerable, young children presents a missed opportunity to help families and children in a way that could support the future prosperity and well-being of society as a whole. Here is a quote from The Noonday Demon from the section on mothers with depression (my own added comment is in the parentheses and not part of the original quote), ""Depressed mothers are usually not great mothers, though high-functioning depressives can sometimes mask their illness and fulfill their parenting roles,"" (this is not an insult against depressed parents, it's an inevitable consequence of what happens when you are depressed because you are more irritable, have less energy, can be less outwardly loving, sometimes fail to respond to social cues from your children, possibly unaffectionate and withdrawn...), ""In general, the children of a depressed mothers not only reflect but also magnify their mother's state. Even ten years after an initial assessment, such children suffer significant social impairment and are at a threefold risk for depression and a fivefold risk for panic disorders and alcohol dependence. To improve the mental health of children, it is sometimes more important to treat the mother than to treat the children directly..."" *** Resources for men with postpartum depression: http://www.postpartummen.com/resources.htm http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Parenting/postpartum-depression-fathers/story?id=10672383#.TydWX8VAb6k http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/32403497/ns/today-relationships/t/new-dads-coping-baby-blues/#.TydWZsVAb6k http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/03/17/time-to-focus-on-sad-dads/ book: Kleinman, K. (2001). Postpartum Husband: Practical Solutions for Living with Postpartum Depression. Xlibris Corporation. ",-0.9976,negative,nostalgic 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,13,"I'm still waiting on getting it reposted in a subreddit, so here is the post: I had posted this thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/paeil/what_do_you_know_about_depression/ and received several private messages asking about depression and parenting so I wanted to add a post specifically with resources for moms and future moms with depression. **articles:** http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=656099 http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/c/18/137851/light-depression/?ic=4027 http://consumer.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID=659372 http://www.myhealthnewsdaily.com/1180-depression-pregnancy-antidepressants-birth-defect-risk.html http://www.wingofmadness.com/postpartum-depression-42 http://www.wingofmadness.com/depression-and-children-10 http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/08/fighting-postpartum-depression/?upw http://www.akawife.com/my-aching-heart-ppd-depression/ http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/16/health/thinking-of-ways-to-harm-her.html?ref=health&_r=0 [When can you stop worrying about getting postnatal depression? New research suggests that, although mothers are at risk of postnatal depression in the year after giving birth, depression is most likely to strike when their child is four years old](http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/may/25/postnatal-depression-mothers-risk-child-four-years) [I Thought I Was Too ‘Prepared’ to Get Postpartum Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/01/i-thought-i-was-too-prepared-to-get-postpartum-depression/) [The Inner Dialogue of a Mom With Depression](http://themighty.com/2015/11/what-a-mom-with-depression-is-thinking/) [How I Talk to My Son About My Depression and Anxiety](http://themighty.com/2016/06/how-to-teach-a-child-about-depression-and-anxiety/) [Dear Daughter, I'm Trying: From Your Mommy Who Has Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/06/letter-to-daughter-from-mom-with-depression/) [When Becoming a 'Mother of Dragons' Helped Me With Depression and Anxiety](http://themighty.com/2016/05/how-a-pet-bearded-dragon-helped-with-my-depression-and-anxiety/) [To the Mother Struggling With Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/05/a-letter-to-moms-with-depression/) [To the Mother Wondering 'How Could I Be Depressed?](http://themighty.com/2016/06/letter-to-mother-who-was-recently-diagnosed-with-depression/) [The 5 Ways I'll Explain My Depression to My Daughter](http://themighty.com/2016/05/how-ill-explain-depression-to-my-child/) [To the Wife Who Has Anxiety and Depression, From Your Husband](http://themighty.com/2016/05/husband-writes-letter-to-wife-with-depression-and-anxiety/) [When You Need to Explain Depression to Your Kids](http://themighty.com/2016/04/explaining-depression-to-children/) [To the Husband Who's Been Newly Introduced to My Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/04/newly-married-with-depression/) [‘Mommy Is Sick’](http://themighty.com/2016/03/mommy-is-sick/) [A Letter to My Son About My Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/02/a-letter-to-my-son-about-my-depression/) [Not Even My Closest Friends Knew I Had Postpartum Depression](https://themighty.com/2016/07/talking-about-postpartum-depression-with-others/) [The Inner Dialogue of a Mom With Depression](http://themighty.com/2015/11/what-a-mom-with-depression-is-thinking/) [The Reality of My Recovery From Birth Trauma](http://themighty.com/2015/12/the-reality-of-my-recovery-from-birth-trauma/) [How Depression Makes Me a Better Mom](http://themighty.com/2016/01/how-depression-makes-me-a-better-mom1/) [When My Daughter Asked, ‘Mom, Why Do You Look So Sad?’](http://themighty.com/2016/01/when-my-daughter-asked-mom-why-do-you-look-so-sad/) [To Mommas Like Me Living With Depression](http://themighty.com/2016/03/to-mommas-like-me-living-with-depression/) [Why We Need to Talk About Postpartum Depression](http://themighty.com/2015/08/why-we-need-to-talk-about-postpartum-depression/) [What Depression During and After Pregnancy Taught Me](http://themighty.com/2015/06/what-depression-during-and-after-pregnancy-taught-me/) [My Postpartum Depression Didn’t Match Any Checklist I Saw](http://themighty.com/2015/05/my-postpartum-depression-didnt-match-any-checklist-i-saw/) [Moms Who Experienced Postpartum Depression Have Powerful Message for New Parents](http://themighty.com/2015/07/moms-who-experienced-postpartum-depression-have-powerful-message-for-new-parents/) [To the Parents and Step Parents With a Mental Illness](http://themighty.com/2015/07/to-the-parents-and-step-parents-with-a-mental-illness/) ",-0.9941,negative,prepared 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,14,"I contacted r/babybumps to see if they'll let me post the links on that subreddit. Many parents who take their lives are fully convinced that their children will be better without them; that they are such awful humans and causing everyone so many problems, the best thing they can do for everyone is to commit suicide. So in their minds, they are doing it out of love. So now knowing you have three kids, I'm going to revise my answer. You *must* get help. Doesn't matter the cost. Children who grow up with depressed parents are far more susceptible to depression later. No matter how much you try to hide it, kids feel the effects. So this goes back to the idea that a parent who takes their life is thinking their kids will be better off without them. But ultimately it comes down to getting help. Get yourself help and your kids' lives and especially your own life will be infinitely better. This is part of the mothers' post you currently can't see: >Serious depression in parents and caregivers can affect far more than the adults who are ill. It also influences the well-being of the children in their care. The first joint Working Paper from the National Scientific Council on the Developing Child and the National Forum on Early Childhood Policy and Programs summarizes recent evidence on the potentially far-reaching harmful effects of chronic and severe maternal depression on families and children. When children grow up in an environment of mental illness, the development of their brains may be seriously weakened, with implications for their ability to learn as well as for their own later physical and mental health. This report examines why the continuing failure to address the consequences of depression for large numbers of vulnerable, young children presents a missed opportunity to help families and children in a way that could support the future prosperity and well-being of society as a whole. >Here is a quote from The Noonday Demon from the section on mothers with depression (my own added comment is in the parentheses and not part of the original quote), ""Depressed mothers are usually not great mothers, though high-functioning depressives can sometimes mask their illness and fulfill their parenting roles,"" (this is not an insult against depressed parents, it's an inevitable consequence of what happens when you are depressed because you are more irritable, have less energy, can be less outwardly loving, sometimes fail to respond to social cues from your children, possibly unaffectionate and withdrawn...), ""In general, the children of a depressed mothers not only reflect but also magnify their mother's state. Even ten years after an initial assessment, such children suffer significant social impairment and are at a threefold risk for depression and a fivefold risk for panic disorders and alcohol dependence. To improve the mental health of children, it is sometimes more important to treat the mother than to treat the children directly...""",-0.9864,negative,confident 427,depressed,Is there really help?,speaker,15,"Holy crap! That's a lot of information! I wanted to let you know I called a therapist yesterday that I had spoken to a few months ago, but didn't have the money to afford. Without going into too much detail (because it doesn't matter), I actually made a fair amount of money and had more than enough to pay for at least one therapy session, so I called her. She didn't answer, and I left a message, and she called back, but I didn't answer because I was in the middle of something. I promise I will call her back Monday and make an appointment for later this week. You're right about the necessity of budgeting for this. I can't have my children going through this crap. ",-0.2948,negative,embarrassed 427,depressed,Is there really help?,listener_1,16,"that's great to hear. If you want, please keep me updated. I'm glad you are recognizing the importance of taking care of yourself, not only for your children, but also because you deserve it. ",0.802,positive,acknowledging 428,depressed,"I really, really, really want to give up.",speaker,1,"Its been the same shit since as far back as I can remember. My body has changed. My world has changed. But my mind, will never change. Im 25. In the last 25 years, I had my mother wall out on me, a step mother toss me aside to tend to her child until divorce, then run my father into the ground. She thought it was a great idea to have me medicated all the time. I never left the waking coma. Ive graduated high school (barely), became a drug addict, was kicked out of the house, enlisted in the military. Been in for three years. I went to Iraq. I saw combat. I was scared, but it didnt get to me. Ive had many girlfriends, all that I manipulated into liking me. My intentions meant well. I couldnt help it. None of them had made it more then a few weeks. I never acted out, out of anger. Just groveling, groveling as I always do. I imagine its unsightly and overwhelming. I know im just trying to fill a hole. Ive been sitting in this haze for so long daydreams taking me away for hours at a time. Its funny. If you asked my boss, hed tell you Im motivated, a ""hard charger"", ahead of my peers. But the only thing Ive gotten good at is hiding me. I started taking care of myself during deployment. When i got home, my room has been clean for record breaking time. Even now. Shower everyday, brush my teeth. Still, nothing. I wont kill myself. Im to weak. I said to myself, after these thirty days of leave are up, and I dont have fun, then Im ending it. I traveled all over the place. Met new people. Put on the facade of being a really cool dude and using my researched social skills to interact. I had minute amounts of happyness. Nothing to make me want to stick around. I just didnt do it. And i wont do it now. I know im doomed forever, though. I cant outrun who I am. I can tell the issues are stacked so high itd take a lifetime. I just wanted to be happy. Not bothering to proof read. This is the tip of the iceberg. I wish I died in Iraq. Or got hit by a car. Or was a victim of a mass shooting. ",-0.3535,negative,faithful 428,depressed,"I really, really, really want to give up.",listener_1,2,"hi. thank you for sharing whats in your heart. i wish more people would do this. there are a lot of steps out of where you are but being honest here was a good start. i hope you choose to live and come out of hiding when you are ready. if not, journey on brother.",0.9623,positive,neutral 428,depressed,"I really, really, really want to give up.",speaker,3,"Hopefully man. Im trying to find the way. But it just feels like im wandering. Things are truly better, its just how each step is smaller then a baby step and it gets to me. It helped a lot getting this out there.",0.9153,positive,hopeful 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,speaker,1,"I'm no one to show my emotions to someone I don't feel completely safe with, but I'm not doing that. I'm relying on my husband way too much and he can't handle this shit. I'm begging him to see me and acknowledge me, but he keeps telling me he won't do that because it won't change anything and I'm always going to believe what I want to. It's excruciating for me, and no matter how much I try to explain this to him, all I am doing is pissing him off and pushing him away. How do I fake happiness? How do I fake it? How do I stop caring and just.. be the happy person he wants me to be, you know, in appearances? I'm way too sensitive and on edge around him and I don't know what to do. Trying to talk to him is NOT working. I'm beginning to think he despises me, but he insists that is not true. He says he doesn't want me to disappear and it would destroy him if I did something to myself.. but he also accuses me of ""fucking with him"" nearly every time I break down and cry or try to talk to him about what I am going through. I can't talk to him any more. I have to shut this part of me off from him and show him the fake face I put on for everyone else until I can get through this. Any advice? ",-0.9918,negative,trusting 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,listener_1,2,"I know you don't want to hear this but here is the truth. Your husband is an asshole. If he is just shoving you to the side to the point you need to go on reddit to ask how to not show your true emotions, there is an issue. Be yourself, cry when you need too. Do things that bring happiness into your life... It's unfortunate that you may have to rely on this man that pushes you down while you're down already.. I'll pray for you. Good luck. ",0.8121,positive,sad 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,speaker,3,"I know he's an asshole. Well, he's not, he's just acting like one. He's dealing with addiction, so.. I don't know what he's doing. I think we need to get help apart from each other to deal with our individual issues while somehow work together to take care of our family. It is exhausting to even think about, let alone express. I'm so tired.. and I am here on reddit because you guys don't tell me to just suck it up. ",-0.1633,negative,sad 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,speaker,4,"Thanks for the supporting commentary. I spoke with my mom earlier on the phone and she suggested all the same things. I lucked out today because she was off -- usually she doesn't have time for me. But I know she cares and I can trust her, so it was good. I like the suggestions for daily activities. And for whatever reason, my husband is incapable of being there for me (I don't think he is choosing to be as cruel as he is being -- I don't think he realizes how it is affecting me, despite how mean he is to me). I just don't know how to support him and be there for him like he needs when I myself feel so neglected and empty. But I do like the list of activities. ",0.9118,positive,trusting 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,listener_2,5,"Your very welcome, I""m glad you find it helpful. It just occurred to me reading your comment that there is this saying that I just read through my process of healing and I think it fits here. It was about a holocaust survivor who is a grandmother now, she was a girl back then. Anyhow, she said 'you can't give what you don't have.' And I think it's very true. Just like you said, you don't know how to be there for him when you feel this way and that is exactly what she meant. You can't offer care or love if you don't do that for yourself so you need to get better first before you can be a comfort for your husband and it's vice versa for your husband. If you believe that your husband doesn't intend to behave this way, perhaps he would be interested in reading up about depression and how it affects people? In the meantime, perhaps you can read up on strategies in how to be a support for people facing addictions? I find that being knowledgeable of the subject really gives you power to handle it better. All the best! ",0.9863,positive,grateful 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,speaker,6,"Thanks. I have read a lot about how to help an addict, but it seems like nothing I do works. I don't even know any more. He just texted me and told me he is thinking about giving up. I said, ""How can I help?"" and he responded, ""You never want to. Ever."" This is how our conversations go daily. We have absolutely no communication whatsoever and despite my sincere attempts, he consistently closes himself to me and continues to shut me out more and more. When I go to him because I am feeling really low and need some love an attention, he responds by telling me all the things he hates about me because, according to him, it's how I treat him. I don't think I do that to him, but I can't be sure because I don't know how he interprets what I do say to him. Just now, when I asked him how I could help, he may have taken it as sarcastic or not sincere. I don't know. Maybe he wants me to get him drugs and he knows I won't do that. I don't know. It's an emotional rollercoaster and -- while it is not the root cause of my depression -- it is absolutely no good for me at all. Sorry, I got distracted. My point was that I do a lot of reading and research and I share my findings with him with the intention of helping him and supporting him, but at this point in time (as it has been for what seems like forever!), he cannot hear a word I am saying. It's as if I'm Obama and he's Congress (hahah!) No, but seriously, it's like no matter what I say or do, I am 100% against him. I don't understand it and I don't know what to do about it. On top of all of that, I need to focus on myself.. but I feel like I can't ever catch my breath to even begin to process things because he is always there.. I'm way too slow now. Things are way too slow. ",0.9447,positive,angry 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,listener_2,7,"I understand, I think firstly, you need to give yourself credit in trying to help him, while you are still dealing with your own depression. It definitely doesn't help he can't offer help. I don't know what your situations are but it sounds to me, you two really need to seek couples counselling because communication breakdown is not good for any relationship and it certainly seems like there a lot of misunderstandings here. In the meantime, since you do like to read, you should read the 5 languages of love, perhaps he's love language is one that you are not aware off, hence why he feels like you are not there for him. I've read a lot of his books now, as I find it very helpful for myself and my relationship with my bf. I hope for his sake, he is also seeking therapy. I think in the meantime, you really do need to stop seeking help from him just so you guys have some space with each other. I understand you need him but really seek comfort in yourself and others for the time being so he can focus on his issues. At the same time, don't worry too much about him because like I said before, you can't help when you yourself need help right now. ",0.9921,positive,agreeing 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,speaker,8,"We had this conversation yesterday. He was feeling good so I guess he was able to actually listen to me. He straight up told me that he was not equipped to give me the help and support I needed right now, and he insisted I get in touch with a therapist and that he would pay for it, even if it meant not paying his phone bill or whatever. We also talked a little bit about these love language (I have read it -- but it has been a few years) and discovered where this miscommunication and lack of communication is coming from. We made some agreements on what to do in certain situations, to be better to each other. We'll see how it works. In a moment of clear skies, things were good, but those moments are fleeting and I know it's because we're both sick. I guess progress isn't supposed to be instant though. ",0.9505,positive,trusting 429,depressed,Give me some tips on how to fake it,listener_2,9,"That is terrific progress! I am very happy that you two are able to have an honest conversation and make a plan. What I've learned through my process of healing is that it's ok to understand and accept that progress takes time. It's the journey to recovery that matters and while there are happy moments/times, enjoy those for what it is. Don't think about what will happen after or how long it'll last. Just enjoy the peaceful time because that is also part of your healing. As you progress through your journey, you two will have more and more of these periods of time. Keep working towards this, while supporting each other, like you guys are doing now. I think your husband is a good man. He knows what he can and cannot do and he recognizes that your health is the most important. I believe you two, whilst standing together, will get through this. :) And remember, don't get discouraged if setbacks happen, as that is a normal part of healing too. Always stay focused on your goals for each other and yourself. You two made a great step forward and I'm truly happy for you guys! Keep it up! :D Cheers!",0.9971,positive,trusting 430,depressed,In my mid twenties back in school for a second bachelors and in a relationship. Feeling lost and sad and random stuff...,speaker,1,"I feel lazy. Lazy when it comes to maintaining relationships with other people. I feel like this laziness in relationships is a sign of selfishness. It's often said that you get from a relationship what you put in, and when feel like you aren't getting a lot you can only assume you aren't giving all that much either. I feel angry at my girlfriend sometimes. It comes from the thought that she isn't enjoying the relationship, that she isn't excited by it, that she isn't interested in what I am doing or how I feel. I feel pressured to not share and keep my feelings to myself so as not to add more stress to her already stressful daily routine. I feel like I've lost a lot of friends. I feel like the friends I have care about me, but are really busy caring about other things. I feel like my family is that way too. I feel like my decision to go back to school was poorly thought out. That i didn't want it as bad as I thought I did. That I don't know myself and what I can do. I don't think I have a reliable image of what I am capable of. I feel like I reflect too much at times, while other times I gloss over a very important and obvious detail. Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world and other times like I'm a tiny spec that will be rubbed out of existence eventually. I know it's all jumbled and vague... but I felt like I had to get it out. I don't know... do any of these strike a chord in you? What are your experiences with processing these feelings?",0.9558,positive,guilty 430,depressed,In my mid twenties back in school for a second bachelors and in a relationship. Feeling lost and sad and random stuff...,listener_1,2,"My day to day life is a feeling of listlessness. I have been depressed for many years and it has become a normal thing for me now. I really only have one friend that I keep constant contact with and I have known him since 1st grade (20 years old currently). I cherish that friendship. I suggest not worrying about the friends you may lost and focus on preserving the ones you have kept. If an opportunity presents itself and you can rekindle a friendship, worry about it then, just not now. Even just making a small effort toward communication can be a big thing. A message to your friends can be very nice. I know I still get excited when I see my friend sent me a DM on Twitter. It's the little things. The piece of advice that I feel I say a lot to people is don't hold your feelings in. I do it and I hate it, but it's a hard habit to break. Talking about your problems can help. Maybe your girlfriend doesn't realize anything is wrong because you hide how you're feeling? Try testing the waters and talk about something minor that has been bugging you and see how she reacts. She may be surprised, or maybe it will confirm her feelings, I don't know. Just don't drop everything on her, she'll likely feel overwhelmed. Hope you feel better soon.",0.9317,positive,lonely 430,depressed,In my mid twenties back in school for a second bachelors and in a relationship. Feeling lost and sad and random stuff...,speaker,3,"Thank you for your thoughtful response. A lot of what you said rang true for me. I think a particularly big thing that is unhealthy for me is bottling up emotions... Maybe its because I havent received positive feedback or maybe its because I didnt get the answer I was hoping to hear. Either way, Im not sure when i started doing it as much as I do now. Have a great day and feel free to message if you have something that bothers you and need someone to lend an ear. Thank you again.",0.8889,positive,sentimental 430,depressed,In my mid twenties back in school for a second bachelors and in a relationship. Feeling lost and sad and random stuff...,listener_1,4,"Same thing goes to you, my inbox is open if you need it. Have a great day :)",0.7964,positive,wishing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,1,Is antidepresants are capable to make person normal from depressed one??,-0.264,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_1,2,"From my experience, when the depression is major and persistent, not just sadness over circumstances, antidepressants can help. They can bring a person from suicidal to close to normal - not happy but not in agony either and fairly safe from self-harm. The thing is, not all antidepressants work for all people. Some antidepressants can make some people feel worse so one has to be careful and work with a doctor who is knowledgable about side-effects. I was on 2 antidepressants for a long time. It made life workable rather than insane torture. It took a few years to find the combination of 2 that would work for my brain. I took them for years until last spring. When I went off them, there was a price to pay - rebound depression that blew me away. Now I'm past the withdrawal stage and recovering. I believe my depression is over and that I no longer need antidepressant meds. My moods vary but I think that's more or less normal. I sense you won't like this answer because it is ambiguous. I wish it were less so. The meds *can* help some people some of the time. Most depression is not caused by physiology alone. There is a psychological factor. The cause of the depression is generally not addressed by the medication - only the symptoms. Therefore, to beat the depression, it is necessary to identify the cause and deal with it. We must find out why we are depressed in the first place and address that.",-0.9924,negative,trusting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,3,"Thanku for great knowledge buddy....it feels very hurting after reading this that i will never get my previous identity back....but may i knw that these medication will make stable thinking or not??(because mood keeps on changing little bit yet n difficult to take decision for me,because sometimes i feel different n sometimes again different for particular thing).",0.2885,positive,consoling 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,4,"You should get your previous self back as long as you work to get yourself out of depression through therapy and antidepressants. Being back to who you once were is the end goal. And yes, if you find a medication that works for you, it should make you more mentally stable. ",0.1226,positive,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,5,Thanks for the support bro....can hou tell me that 'is there any difference between the feelings of normal person n the other normal one with antidepresants?,0.6808,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,6,"It depends how much the antidepressants help you. If all works exactly as it should, then you should feel no different than before except for swallowing a pill every morning. For others, antidepressants can make them tired or irritable, which means you aren't on the right med. The most common complaint, though, is that antidepressants make you feel numb to emotion. There are two possible reasons for that. One is that they actually are making you feel numb, which means you can always try another medication. The other reason, though, which many people don't realize, is that they are making you feel numb because they are actually working. Depression takes many forms, and each individual can experience many different forms of it, but one of its forms is the feeling of numbness to emotion. So when I'm in that state, it is impossible for me to cry no matter what happens. In other states, I cry so easily that I will break down in Harry Potter movies; and in my worst state, I will lay curled up on the bathroom floor crying inconsolably for incredibly long periods of time, sometimes for hours. But back to the numb state, one of the symptoms of depression is anhedonia, which means the inability to feel pleasure. When antidepressants start working, you still have this anhedonia, but you are also not in as severe state of depression. And in the less severe states this feeling of numbness falls (but not always, for me I have a less severe state of depression that leave me numb and a more severe state of depression that also leaves me numb but also like a tuned out zombie). So if you think of getting better as climbing up a ladder, if you are actually getting better, you may reach that rung where you feel numb, although that still is an improvement from where you were at the lower rungs. It's just another stage of depression you have to work through to climb past. But simultaneously, you may still have the anhedonia along for the ride since that's one of the first signs of depression and one of the last to leave. So back to your original question, yes, it is entirely possible for someone on antidepressants to go back to the person they were prior to the depression, only now you need antidepressants. Though it certainly feels like it at many times, you didn't lose yourself, the depression just masks it. So the more layer of depression you pull away through antidepressants and therapy, the more of your old self will start coming through. And being on antidepressants isn't anything to be ashamed of. Antidepressants don't make you you. They fight the depression. You still make you you. It's not that you aren't capable of being you without medication. It's that you aren't capable of being you with depression. Medication is fighting that beast of depression, so you have the ability to one day look in the mirror and finally recognize the person again who is staring back. ",-0.9985,negative,suggesting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,7,"Thanku so much for good effort you made for me....this type of comments increase my potential to fight with this fucking depression....one thing more i wanna ask you....i am on anti depresants from 29 days n feels improvement in my mood but not normal n stable yet...i told this to docter so he increased dose from 20mg to 30mg lovan(flouxetine),m taking 30 mg from 2 days n yesterday i was much better than ever but afraid that this also happened me sometime n down again next day....my ques is that 'is that mean this first antidepresant i tried works on me or still there are chances that i may need to change the medicine'??",0.8565,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,8,"If you've been feeling improvement on this medication and you aren't having side effects that you can't tolerate, then so far it's working for you. Not every day will be a good day, though. Sometimes it helps to keep track of how you felt each day on a calendar. That way you have a quick reference to see if over a period of time, you've been feeling better overall and having fewer bad days. As far as the dose increase, it hasn't built up in your system enough to be at therapeutic level. So you may have had a good day anyway, but if you have a bad day the next day, it doesn't mean much. Give it about a week or two so to see if there is overall improvement. Also, you are still on a low dose of fluoxetine, as starting dose is usually 10-20mg. So even 30mg is still a lower dosage. So it seems like so far fluoxetine is helping you if your are feeling an improvement in your mood just after taking the starting dose for a month. So I'd stick on that medication for now, and just slowing increase the dosing until you start to feel more stable. Again, I highly encourage you to make a little calendar where you write down your mood and/or symptoms each day. Also, some people rate how they felt from 1-10 that day. So then it's really easier to see if the numbers are increasing overall, even if there were a few bad days still. It makes it so much easier to see if you have been getting better. It's actually something that pretty hard to remember, and if you are having a down day, in your head you will be thinking the medication never worked. But then you can refer to your calendar and know for sure if it's been helping you. ",0.9908,positive,content 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,9,Realy m very thankful to you that you are making effort to help me in this condition n your each line means alot to me coz everything seems correct at the moment....i will definately keep the record n i am waiting for that period when i will have 90-100% good days with stable good mood rather than up and down....can i expect that at the moment?,0.9286,positive,grateful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,10,"You may have to keep increasing the dose, but if you are already seeing an improvement in the first month, that sounds like you are responding to the medication and on your way to feeling better. I would recommend seeing a therapist as well. Oftentimes depression is a result of circumstances in your life, and if you address those and learn why you fell into depression, you are able to make changes to not only start feeling better sooner but also help to avoid falling into depression again in the future. ",0.5782,positive,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,11,"After increasing the dose,i feel 60-70% normal about 70% of the time but again low today....if in 31 days m seeing this result,when can i expect full time normal mood or near to that???or i have to face these down days rest of my life??(i knw every person is different but i want you to explain me in this matter)",-0.4538,negative,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,12,"You shouldn't have to face this the rest of your life. And again, I can't stress enough seeing a therapist as well. But you should be optimistic given your response- with only a small dose increase, you are already feeling better at least 70% of the time. That's a huge change from feeling shitting all the time. And as I said before, you are still on a low dose so there is always room to increase it. ",0.9188,positive,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,13,"Again m feeling little down from last two days n not able to guess that medicine is working or not....but one thing that not that much down as i was before....n feelings also keeps on changing...,sometimes depressive n sometimes ok...i dnt knw what is happening...and this is score of last couple of days...16sep-7 17sep-8 18sep-6 19sep-6.5 17sep-3.5 18sep-4.5 This score is out of ten,where ten is myself before depression",-0.7003,negative,sad 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,14,"You could probably still increase your dose. But remember back to the first response I gave you were I described antidepressants as raising the bottom of the pit so you aren't as deep in it, and then you have the ability to work on climbing out the rest of the way. This seems to be exactly what is happening for you. They are raising the bottom of the pit so when you are down, you aren't as far down as you were before. So they are working. Not every day is going to be better. Like any illness, you are going to have good days and bad days, but the objective of treatment is to limit the number of bad days and also make them not as bad as they were. And as treatment progresses, those bad days will become less and less and easier to get through. The fact that you had some 7 and 8 days after only recently starting treatment is very encouraging. This makes me think you are responding to the medication because some people don't see any improvement for months, and you've already seen yourself close to how you were before. Talk to your doc about raising your dose again, and make an appointment with a therapist. ",0.725,positive,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,15,"I see that improvement the very next three days after increasing the dose....is that due to increased dose or a part of depression??n one thing more,how to climb rest of the way out of pit??what you mean by that?",0.7236,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,16,"It could be the placebo effect of why you feel the better immediately after increasing the dose. The real test is whether you continue to do better. Therapy is the first place to start in climbing out of the pit. I'll copy what I wrote previously: >What antidepressants do, when they work for you, is raise the bottom of the pit so you are not as deep underground. But they won't raise the bottom enough for you just to climb out and walk away. They get you to a point where you are functioning enough, and more mentally stable and stronger, to then start addressing the depression through therapy (which you should actually be doing the entire time you are on antidepressants) where you learn coping skills, identify triggers, make changes in your life, and possibly even find the root cause of the depression and address it. ",-0.3782,negative,trusting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,17,3rd consective down day today....thoughts of suicide nd hopelessness....feeling like it will never completely go n will not good ever...,-0.6604,negative,sad 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,18,"It's going to take a bit for the new dosage to reach its full level in your body. And as I said, you can still go up in dosage and you need to speak to a therapist. ",0.0258,neutral,apprehensive 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,19,Yes bro m seeing therapist on monday n will w8 for how i go within coming weeks...one thing more i wanna ask....when these medicines will work on me n raise buttom of the pit up...then how much up buttom can i expect??will i able to be social or stoppage of negative thoughts??(automaticalyy striking of Negative thoughts already stops since 3rd week of medicine),-0.8053,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,20,"Good to hear you are seeing a therapist. So ideally, the better you feel, the less symptoms you will have, and the more you will feel like your old self. This is something you can add to your calendar of rating days.... if you do something social that day, or if you feel you had fewer negative thoughts. Compare yourself now to how you felt prior to starting treatment. Have the negative thoughts not been as pervasive and controlling of your mind? If that's the case, then you can see yourself that you are already on the road to improvement. So the end goal is your former self, or coming all the way out of the pit. It's not immediate, though, it takes time. Depression is a bitch to fight and you are definitely going to have days, or weeks, where you feel like this is never going to end. It sucks but it's the truth. But it's not hopeless. Just because it seems like it will never end, that doesn't mean it won't. There's no easy fix for depression. Just keep your eye on becoming the person you once were and don't lose sight of that no matter how much it seems you'll never get there. Because you will. ",0.8124,positive,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,21,Thanks for admiring me friend...actuly nowadays m worried because last consective 5 days were down n yesterday some negative thoughts even strike me which i used to face before medication frequently...m not able to guess what is happening with me....instead of improving symptoms m feeling down again....,0.34,positive,anxious 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,22,"keep up rating your days on your calendar and bring that to show your psychiatrist so he or she can adjust your medication (either dosing or trying a new one). My suggestion is stay on the medication and just go up on dosage for now so you don't have to start over on a new med, but that will be up to your doctor. If you continue to feel too crappy to wait for you next psychiatrist appt, call the office and get an earlier appointment. But this is nothing to worry about as far as your overall recovery. This is just the nature of treating depression. It's a long and difficult road, and you certainly won't always be moving forward. But not progressing at the rate you'd like (we'd all like to be immediately cured) doesn't at all mean that you won't eventually progress. Unfortunately it takes a while. Just remember that how you are feeling today doesn't mean you will always feel like this. ",0.2651,positive,suggesting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,23,"Each word is written invery effective n useful way....friend i know its kind of stupid ques but i want your views on it....with anti depresants and other efforts,inhow long can i expect myself to be normal or near to normal,?",-0.2135,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,24,"That's the one thing that not only can I not answer, I won't answer. Because if I were to say you will be better in a few months and after a few months you aren't better, you'll feel like a failure and possibly stop fighting. I could say something just to make you feel better, but the truth is that it can take months or even years. There's just no way of knowing how long you will be affected because depression is a combination of so many factors. I know it will seem like there is never going to be a light at the end of the tunnel, but one day it will be there. The best I can tell you is that the earlier you start treatment, which you are doing, the sooner you will get better than had you waited. So you are doing all the right things, depression is just a fucking pain in the ass to both have and to fight. ",-0.9176,negative,disappointed 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,25,Ok bro...but m feeling down from last 5 consective days....if i was feeling better on lower dose then why m feeling down n less social again after increasing the dose....n if it takes years or months to overcome it then what can i expect in between that time??like what percentage of good days can i expect between that time if medication will work on me???or i have to feel like depressed for years??,0.8156,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,26,"You aren't feeling worse because of the higher dose. You are on the higher dose and happen to be having some bad days. I can't answer any of those other questions. For any medical issue, not just depression, none of that is known- what you will feel like day to day, percentage of good days, how long it will take to get better, etc. But most likely as you improve, you may not feel like your old self yet, but you'll certainly not have as many bad days.",0.5463,positive,apprehensive 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,27,Can i be stable for long time in between that time or i have to face many moods in a day just like now until i get out of it??n thanks for making me happy but i will never give up because i love my old srlf n will do everything till end to get that back,0.9154,positive,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,28,"Hello bro...as i told you my every detail n want to shRe ratings of days after increasing my dose....'16sep-7 17sep-8 18sep-6 19 sep-6.5 20 sep-3.5 21 sep-4.5 22sep-3 23sep-4 24sep-3(because of some Negative thoughts as before medication) 25sep-3.5(no negative thoughts but not able to be social) 26sep-6.5(neck pain was still there but able to be social little bit) 27sep-7(little neck pain,n better able to be social) 28sep-3.5(many fluctuation in mood n even negative thoughts including suicide) So till today,its 12 days n most of days are bad...i visit my gp today n he was confused that he should change or increase the dose...but finaly he told me to go on 40 mg from tommorow....but wondering that i was feeling improvement with 20 mg n after increasing the dose,situation again become depressive....n thinking that should i take 40 mg from tommorow or w8 on 30 mg yet....this heavy fluctuation in mood from 3 to 7 on next day is something to worry for me because with 20 mg,mood was less low n for less time but now very frustrated what is happening...?? '",-0.9755,negative,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,29,"take the higher dose, if you aren't stable, you aren't on enough medication. And stop seeing a gp, see a psychiatrist. They are experts on how to treat depression, along with therapist. GP's are not and don't know much about prescribing medication. ",-0.6234,negative,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,30,"My health insurance not covering psychiatrist....but i will try again...friend i feel many moods in depression n not sure which thi g is true coz it keeps on changing...sometime positive toward something,sometime less positive,sometime negative n sometime more nagative...so not able to feel what is realy n i keep my main decision pending from last couple of months coz i know depression is lying to me n i will take wrong step....can i expect to feel reality n taking decision withing 1 or two months...??",-0.9223,negative,apprehensive 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,31,"I have no clue when you will start feeling better. Everyone's treatment path is completely different. And yes, depression does lie to you, and each day of how you feel can be vastly different from the day before so there is little predictability. Your insurance should cover a psychiatrist because it's an MD. They might, though, put a limit on how many visits a year you can have, though. ",0.1189,positive,apprehensive 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,32,Hi friend how are you?? Thanks for doing lot of effort for me n i still want your help in future...i have a question in my mind...how do i know dat my depression is recovering??coz bad days n good days come after each other n wat i feel is that there are less bad days as compared to before but the intensity of bad feels same...everytime it goes near around to break me no matter how much positive i was in good days...,0.7307,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,33,"well, less bad days does mean there is improvement, but your bad days shouldn't be quite as intense as they used to be. But you really are so new to being on medication that it's hard to tell much now. Just keep tracking your days, and after 8 weeks of being on the medication you are on, see what it looks like for you. Because you are seeing some improvement, it does seem like this medication has been working for you so far but your dosage may not be high enough. Again, check into getting an appointment with a psychiatrist. They are MD's so insurance should cover it. They will be far more knowledgeable about medications. And I forget, have you gone to see a therapist yet? If not, add that to your treatment plan. That's a really good person to discuss your bad days with and who may help you see what's triggering them and how to help you cope to make them less intense. ",0.8948,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,34,"One more inquiry....when depression was worst,at that tym i feel huge up in mood while workout in gym but as it is improving,now i see less difference in mood....is this indication of lifting depression??do you know anything about it?",-0.3355,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,35,"Exercising releases endorphins and helps reduce stress. It can be very helpful in fighting depression. If you feel just as good as you did while at the gym now as when the depression was at its worst, but the difference in your mood between prior to the gym and being at the gym is less noticeable, then that could indicate you general mood is improving and so the difference between your everyday feelings and the feelings at the gym is less drastic. ",-0.1369,negative,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,36,I mean the difference between low n up decreases but i still feel good while gyming,0.5106,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,37,"26sep-6.5(neck pain was still there but able to be social little bit) 27sep-7(little neck pain,n better able to be social) 28sep-3.5(many fluctuation in mood n even negative thoughts including suicide) 29sep-6(very better at night but depressed for one our at evening) 30sep-4.5(fluctuation in mood) 1oct-6.5(better social) 2oct-4.5(not pain but not social,numb kind) 3oct-5.5(numb kind at day n better to be social from evening to night) 4oct-6.5(better social) 5oct-7(better social) 6oct-5(some negative thoughts till evening) 7oct-5.5(some negative thoughts in evening) 8oct-7(better social n stable most of the time) 9oct-6(not worst neck pain but there was more than bit) 10oct-7(better social n realistic but little nack pain whole day) 11oct-7.5(everything better except neck pain(sometime)) 12oct-6.5(little numb at evening n neck pain still little bit) 13oct-6.5 This is last 18 days n mood is quite stable as compared to before n today m feeling bit normal as i was feeling before depression....i dont know what is working here...if it is medicine then we can say that medi works on me more then 70% till now n may be effect of 40 mg dose is still left because aprox 2 weeks before i start 40 mg...",-0.9875,negative,content 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,38,As i told i gave rating to each day n want to share with you...m continously above 5 score out of 10 from last 18 days...can i consider myself recovered or still i can have very bad days like before???,0.2525,positive,surprised 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,39,"I'm very glad to hear you are starting to feel more stable but you are still only recover*ing*, not recover*ed*. You will probably still have some bad days, but they should be fewer than previously. ",-0.4323,negative,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,40,"yes, it makes sense that your dose increase is helping you stabilize. But if you are still at 70% for the next few weeks, you will probably need to increase the dose again. ",0.7227,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,41,"I had done one mistake....i had taken dose of opium(afeem) with tea two days before with my friends(i was taking 'afeem' from 3-4 years before depression but not on regular basis but just for enjoy sometimes).i was much improved with my symtoms but today n yesterday i feel some depressive symtoms again...is it afeem which can resist depression recovery n m i feeling depressed due to dat....if it can effect depression then how can i restore this the effect of this mistake n can continue in improvement...(i realize dat it might be the reason for my depression n i will never take it again,but worried that it might triggers my depression again)...plz tell something about it",-0.9795,negative,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,42,"I really have no clue about the effects of afeem mixed with antidepressants. But like any drug, legal or illegal, it has a half life and will eventually leave your system. Though, I don't know how long it takes, just continue with your antidepressants and stay off opiates and you should eventually be back to where you were. ",-0.4477,negative,trusting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,43,Friend i am waiting for your answer...,0.4939,positive,consoling 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,44,Hi friend...hope you are doing well...i want to tell you that there is much improvement in my mood but the rating score stay between 5-7.5 and not much fluctuation and more stable compared to before...but some times i feel numb most of the time in which not depressed but not any positive feeling n limited range of emotions....n now m wondering when i will able to feel every emotion in the way it actualy is(i mean very close to fully normal person),-0.2379,negative,consoling 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,45,"You keep asking me when but I have no idea. I can't predict the future. This takes a while to treat, though if you are in the numb stage, that actually means you are improving. ",0.3291,positive,anxious 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,46,"Docter told me numbness is a side effect n it goes along with ssri...n one thing more about which m wondering...u also told me dat it took years to find right combination of antidepresants n docter also said that try for 6-12 months n if you dont go well then we will switch to other antidepresant....but the thing is m feeling much improvement in my mood in two months with antidepresants.so,is there still chances that its not right for me??",0.411,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,47,"first, numbness can be a side effect of antidepressants, but it is also a well known stage of depression which usually indicates someone is improving or getting worse (depending on which end of the spectrum you are heading; either feeling good to numb, or feeling shitty to numb). This is why I told you to speak with a psychiatrist, not a regular medical doctor. For some people, it can take years to find the right combination of medication. But if a medication is not working at all, you certainly don't wait 6-12 months before switching. That's inane. Even if it is only working slightly, you don't wait 6-12 months to switch. If this is your medical doctor, and not a psychiatrist, as him if he would tell any other patient of his to wait 6-12 months to see if a medication he prescribed for a condition is working before he considers a new course. So your doctor isn't taking the urgency of depression seriously. In any case, given how much you have improved over two months, you should keep getting better. If you feel like your progress is stagnating in the next month or so, though, that would be when a dose increase would be appropriate. ",0.5789,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,48,Thanks friend...there is onw new experience i am experiencing....now numbness state has gone i start feeling more emotions...some less depressed n sometime calm n clear n little more depressed rare of the sign...m i moving to positive direction??,0.5536,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,49,"Yep, you definitely sound like things are getting much better for you. Your improvement is going much faster than most people, so this is a very positive sign. ",0.945,positive,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,50,Thanks god n how will i thanks you for giving such great support my friend,0.9601,positive,grateful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,51,"no problem, it's really tough to deal with on your own",0.1192,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,52,Hi bro...hope everything going fine....nowadays m always wondering for the normal state n full remission from depression....nowadays m not numb n not depressed(less depress for very little time aometime) but not even full of positiveness....thinking also much stable but not clear about each n every matter....sometime i wonder that if my brain is resettling its chemicals itself again then may be extra serotonin due to medicine might be resistance in my normal position again...i want to ask you that can it be fully 100% normal even when i will be on medicine in coming weeks or months??,0.4881,positive,consoling 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,53,"Yes that is possible. In fact, once you think you are back to normal, you *need* to stay on the medicine. Maybe for just a month or two more (based on how quickly you recovered, others I would recommend staying on it for several months after recovery). Even when you are back to normal, you will still be in a fragile state and can easily fall back into depression. So after you feel well, you stay on the medication to make sure you are stable, and not just experiencing a temporary improvement. Once it is time to get off- and please, do wait until you have at least a month, or better two months, of feeling like your old self- follow the doctors advice of how to taper off the medication. If you just stop taking it, you will feel like shit and most likely fall right back into a depression. Tapering off means your doctor will have you take a slightly smaller dose for several days or a week, then a slightly smaller dose, then slightly smaller, and then you can stop. (how much he changes the doses before you stop will depend on how many mg you are currently on, and how you are reacting to the dose decrease). Also, I want you to save everything you wrote to me. That way, if you ever happen to fall back into depression, you will see for yourself that you do get better. You were pretty hopeless and saw no possibility of ever getting better when we first talked, which is a completely normal way to feel in a depression. But if you happen to fall back into depression again at another point in life and feel just as hopeless, you will be able to look back and see that you were able to improve, it just takes time. It may take longer next time to get better, but at least you will see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. ",0.3071,positive,suggesting 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,54,N one thing more friend...as u have passed the depression state n normal now..i want to ask how it feels to be normal after so much pain struggle...do you think depression was useful to you?,-0.8307,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,55,Again i dont know how to thanks you in words for explaing very little things so effectively... I dont you understood my ques or not but trying to explain it again. My ques was that'when my brain will be resettled in coming weeks or months n i will be still on medicine as you said.so the ques was that 'dnt you think extra serotonin of mediciine and natural serotonin of recovered brain both together will make resistance in feeling me normal state due to extra serotonin may be..! I dont knw it might be weird ques i am not feeling fully normal n not depressed thats why i was wondering that may be medicine is blocking some emotion n doing some numbness..!,0.5629,positive,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,56,"medication can cause you to feel numb, but so can depression. So it's hard to know which is causing it. ",-0.8475,negative,neutral 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,57,"I never passed into normal. I'm part of a small percentage of those with depression who are treatment resistant and the depression is endogenous (so not caused by life circumstances, but caused by genes). But I know that for the majority of people, they will get better which is why I still offer advice.",0.0387,neutral,hopeful 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,58,Ohhkk bro...but is it possible to be full normal again having no more depressed days??,0.2858,positive,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,59,"yes, I've told you this many times before",0.4019,positive,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,60,"Hello bro how are you?hope everything going fine.i have one question regarding depression n i guess you may know...when we talk about improvement of depression,everyone tell us stratagies like getting social,thinking positive,enjoying things n many more...but i want to know how these things can reset the chemicals n make person normal??if anyone dont know the reason for depression then how we say that 'these things beat depression.. ",-0.7808,negative,questioning 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,61,"You're right that we don't really know the exact cause for depression, though there are plenty of theories. But the chemicals in your brain both control your thoughts, emotions, and attitude as well as are controlled by thoughts, emotions, and attitude. So think of emotions like fear or being in love, they have an effect on increasing certain chemicals in the brain when you feel that way. So rather than the chemicals causing you to feel fear or love, your emotions caused those chemicals to increase. As far as the strategies for getting out of depression, I don't know that they so much reset the chemicals as help ward of the feelings that come with depression. So when you find things to distract yourself, especially things you enjoy, it can keep those depressive thoughts at bay since your mind is focused on what you are doing. And if you aim to keep trying to think positive, you get yourself out of the habit you were in while depressed where your automatic thoughts were negative, hopeless, and fatalistic. But those things on their own won't beat depression for anyone who has more than just a mild form of it. That's where the medication came in to help you. But now you are at the point- remember the hole analogy I used- where you are pretty much out of the hole, and all these extra strategies will pull you the rest of the way out and then help to keep you out. But of course, while you were deep in the hole, none of these things would have done shit for you because your brain wouldn't allow you to do it- like thinking positively, finding enjoyment in things, being around people, etc. When I first told you about medication, I said it won't cure you on its own. But it will get you to a point where you are capable of pulling yourself the rest of the way out. Think back to your bad days- telling you to just thinking positive wouldn't have done shit. So now medication has helped you almost completely out of the hole. The rest of the work is done by you (though you still want to stay medicated for a little longer), and that's through identifying how you became depressed and making changes in your life to avoid it happening again, as well as getting out of the state you were in while depressed which includes finding strategies that help get you back to feeling like you, and feeling like your old life. ",0.9835,positive,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,speaker,62,Bro r u a specialist in mental health issues because you always give me so much deep information In very smooth way..!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 431,depressed,can anybody tell truth about antidepresants?,listener_2,63,I'm glad I can help. Thank you for the appreciation. ,0.8885,positive,grateful 432,depressed,Just talking.,speaker,1,"It's on an alternate account. I don't know. The person who I can talk to about this has heard me whine about it a million times so I'm coming here, I guess. Maybe It'll fall on deaf ears and I'll forget that I even posted this. For the past four years I've been in the gutter. I believe it was something about school that really got me. I'm about to graduate, four months late. All because I would be absent to my classes a lot, *a lot*. I guess it was being around so many people and having so little friends, and with that nobody that I could really talk to on a level beyond superficial. I've had so many emotions tucked away because of the fear of people thinking I'm weak or a wuss or whatever. On top of that I never talked to my parents about it because the last thing I want is to worry them. I dropped out of school at one point which only made me feel like a huge failure; to my parents and to myself. I ended up going back, made some friends, but still struggled with my emotions and myself. Fast forwarding to now I have two friends who I talk to and hang out with on Mondays. I asked one of my best friends out, but she said no. She had feelings for me before but not anymore. That made me feel very discouraged and empty for a while because it had been the second time it's happened. I'm too clueless to pick up that she was into me, but at the same time overly careful about accidentally mistaking kindness for affection. Lately that's something I've been hurting about mostly. I would really appreciate a partner who I can share intimate moments with. Simple things, like cuddling or sleeping or admiring the stars together. But with that I'm really foolish about how I...word. I really don't want to settle for something less than what I'm looking for. And what I'm looking for is something uncommon. There are probably a lot of girls out there who would like leading the relationship (Not necessarily sexually :/ ) But me finding someone who I can connect with and work with well just seems to me like it will never happen. I'm not good at approaching people, and even less when it's about something like this. And if I did build myself up to it how would I bring up that I'm not really somebody to be the ""boy"" in the relationship (Hi /gfd/ /rr/) I can't think of much else to say right now. I had some food and it comforted me a little. Thanks for reading if you did. If this post doesn't fit or isn't good enough or just doesn't belong I can delete it. Just kind of wanted somewhere to talk and stuff. Sorry.",0.9788,positive,embarrassed 432,depressed,Just talking.,listener_1,2,"Unfortunately there is no easy way to fix the way you're feeling. I have been in a ""gutter"" state since I was 15 or 16 (I am currently 20 years old). I am not saying this to discourage you. I am only saying this to show that I understand, in my own way, how you're feeling. Don't focus on the fact that your dropped out of school, focus on the fact that you corrected/are correcting that problem. You went back into school and you're graduating. A lot of people tend to focus on the mistakes that they have made and not notice the steps that they have taken toward correcting those mistakes. It's strange, but I have noticed it happening quite often. Laying ones heart out like that takes a lot of strength and I applaud you for your courage. I have never been kissed (outside of family) or have had a girlfriend. Actually I have never been on a date before. I will admit that at times it is hard to deal with because I long for that connection with another person, but in all honesty it could be worse. I know the saying has been said a lot, but there are a lot of fish in the sea and the ocean is very large indeed. A day will come when you find that person, you just have to take each day as it is and be patient. Don't focus on the past and although focusing on your future is important, don't forget to live right here, right now in the present. I have only one friend that I have maintained contact with throughout my life and I have known him since 1st grade. He is a great friend and I love him (friendly love, not romantically). I make sure that relationship stays strong and that we talk to each other fairly often because I don't focus on the friendships that I have lost, but instead focus on keeping this one going. I suggest you do the same. Try to make a little more contact with them and have some fun! An optimistic attitude can really help someone who is feeling down or depressed. That is why I try my best to have a consistent ""glass half full"" attitude. Yea there are some bad days, but I try not to let them get to me. I can't think of anything else to say (probably because it's 6:15 a.m. and I need sleeps). I hope that any of my ramblings actually helps and I am sorry if it doesn't. Have a lovely day/night!",0.9971,positive,caring 432,depressed,Just talking.,speaker,3,"You're absolutely right. You know what, good for me. I've been getting into the swing of being an adult a lot better than I ever anticipated and now thinking about it, it's really made me *actually* notice it. Maybe this is something I needed a little of. Some encouragement to keep my head up and to reflect on what I've done *right*. All this instead of sympathy or pity. Thank you a bunch. I apologize for my post being a huge jumbled and unorganized mess. It was just me rambling about whatever came to mind and after sleeping on it I've seen things that I could've written different or other things that I could have added. Thank you for your response. I wish you the best for all things to come :) ^also ^I ^hope ^this ^doesn't ^come ^off ^as ^cheesy.",0.9767,positive,agreeing 432,depressed,Just talking.,listener_1,4,"Happy to help. I am glad that something I said resonated with you and actually helped out in some way. I too wish you the best in life and all that you do :) P.s. The post wasn't that hard to understand, at least to me so no big deal. I know my grammar isn't perfect and I don't expect others to have perfect grammar either. Edit* changed ""the"" to ""to"". Dumb autocorrect.",0.9341,positive,sympathizing 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,speaker,1,"I'm not like most people.... when I care about someone, I care 100%. I form connections with people that for me at least run deep. I'll be the most dependable and genuine friend you'll ever have as long as you return that loyalty. If you betray me or I don't let you in then you are nothing more to me than a stranger at a bar. So naturally it is multiplied in romantic relationships. I just got forced out of a serious relationship with someone I was ready to spend the rest of my life with. I was devastated...for three minutes. Maybe it's genetic because my grandmother does the same thing but almost instantly my feelings shut off about the whole situation. I was bad mouthed to all my friends by her family and so I'm losing them too but I still didn't flinch. A girl heard about my situation and pushed her way right into my life and grabbed my heart instantly. She reminded me of someone who I cared deeply for and lost causing me to latch right on. And now she's leaving too... My emotions are so confused I'm either numb to everything or raging and in between all this comes a random blast of deep black depression or sudden stream of tears. I don't know what to do because it's just building up and I don't know how to get it to come out.",-0.9261,negative,faithful 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,listener_1,2,"I am one of the last people that should be replying here, but I figure I can't just read this and not say something. I do want to clarify before I get to main body of my post I have never been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in my entire life, so I don't fully understand that type of emotional pain. Take what I say as you will, either with some confidence or with a grain of salt (or somewhere in between). First things first, I am sorry for what you're going through. I know that it's just empty words coming from an internet stranger, but I truly do wish you weren't going through what you are right now. Being as nice and as compassionate as you can be to people you care about is a good thing in my opinion. The problem lies when someone hurts you in someway, like what you're going through right now. There really isn't a good defense against it. Most times you're blind sided by this and it takes a moment to really sink in, for you to realize what really has occurred, or at least it was for me (a close friend didn't want anything to do with me anymore). To me it sounds like you shut yourself down and refused to process the information fully. You know what occurred, but you won't allow yourself to see and feel what has truly happened. It's a defense mechanism and I do it too. I don't really know how I got passed it to be honest, if I did I would tell you. Time heals a lot of things is the best answer I have come up with. The best suggestion I have is find a way to cope with your losses and move forward. I know that it likely just recently happened, but stewing in your own anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, dread, etc. isn't helping anyone, least of all you. Try to find some alone time and actually process everything fully and from then move toward a new beginning. The way I am making it sound may seem like this is a quick thing, but in reality it isn't. Everyone gets over things at different rates. Holding in emotions is a bad habit that I am guilty of myself. I suggest trying to find an outlet. I haven't done it in quite some time, but I used to like to write things out when I am feeling dreadful. Even if I delete the document or tear out the page and throw it away it tends to help because I got what I was feeling out and I was able to think my way through it. This is just my way of dealing with certain things. Hopefully you can find something that works for you. I am sorry if none of this is helpful. I truly wish you could feel better. Have a lovely day/night!",0.9855,positive,trusting 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,speaker,3,"I really truly appreciate your words, especially since you're the first person to not give me a generic answer basically telling me to just figure it out or that I'll just get over it. It's very tiring being the only one around that tries to actually help because it seems like people around me and probably a lot more elsewhere that expect the person who always helps others to have all the answers to help himself. Who really is there for the person who's there for everyone else? So thank you, and you don't have to be in the same exact situation to mentally put yourself there and feel for someone else. Just having someone else actually care helps a lot.",0.9742,positive,grateful 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,listener_1,4,"I try my best to put myself in the situation of the person I am trying to help and that's why I mentioned that I haven't been in a relationship before because my view may be altered due to this. What you said is true and I appreciate you telling me that. I find that the people who you help the most don't always pay it back. Not necessarily out of spite, but more out of generally being unaware. The people you help the most may not notice when something is wrong (obviously it depends on the person and how they show their emotions) because they are so used to the helpful ones looking out for them they forget to look out for us. They can at times think that the ones that are always there to help are unshakable rocks of emotional foundation, whereas that is typically farthest from the truth (from my own experiences). I have tried to be there for everyone in my life and I got overwhelmed and stressed out pretty commonly. Truthfully it isn't a healthy way to live and it's pretty much impossible to do in my opinion. I like to put others before my needs/wants, but there is a limit to everything, including this. I hope everything works out for you in your future. Have a lovely day/night!",0.9877,positive,trusting 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,speaker,5,"Thank you for the response, and its interesting how you compare it as two different people when I literally feel like I'm fighting with someone else inside of me. Ive spent the whole last two days forcing a side of me to let out the emotions im having to deal with in ways other than blowing up at the girl who had just completely took advantage of me, lied and screwed up my head. Its good but also unfortunate im finally able to let some out. The feelings are tearing my head apart and im not sure how to get passed this. Ive googled about ways to cope but i am afraid im just headed for pain and theres no way out of it. I feel like its about to get way worse before it gets better.",-0.8575,negative,sad 433,depressed,My emotions are bottling up and I don't know what to do.,listener_2,6,"I understand it's extremely painful when you have to really deal with your emotions for the first time, especially when you have hid it within you for such a long time but trust me, it gets better once you do start to process it. I'd recommend you to process it piece by piece, kind of like eating a meal. Just because you haven't eaten for days, doesn't mean you can eat all the days' worth of meals in one sitting. Same thing here, as I beginner, I would recommend you to let out the emotions that is less painful and easier to manage so you don't get overwhelmed by the process and want to give up. Take it step by step, as that really the only way to heal. Pick a specific incident that you know you haven't dealt with it emotionally but you are also aware that it isn't too painful for you to let out. Think it true, feel your emotions, you can write it down too, the incident, your feelings and what you think of it. If you have the urge to cry, do it, as that's the only way to process it. The key here is to let your emotions be expressed and you feeling it but at the same time, acknowledging it's existence, why you are feeling this way and that you know you will pass this and feel better. Don't dwell on the negative but kind of like a person watching a movie in a theater, just experience it for what it is. You watching the movie doesn't mean you are part of the movie but that you are just allowing it to be and you experiencing what it's showing you. Same thing here, just let your emotions flow. By the end of the process, ask yourself what you would like to do that will make you happier (something healthy and legal)? Go do that. Keep using this process so you get use to it. You are correct that things will feel a lot worse before you feel better (I used feel over get, because even though you might not feel like you are 'getting' better while you are processing those painful memories and emotions, the truth is, you are actually are getting better). I always picture it or tell myself that it's like a bruise, a bruise gets worse before it heals. Same thing here. It's something that we can't avoid and it's also something that we are built to do, to have emotions, and the ability to process them when we choose to do so. Lastly, when you feel too overwhelmed, just stop there and redirect to an activity that will help you calm down and feel better. And when you are ready again, go back to where you left off. Don't let it stop you from processing and healing but you can take breaks. The goal here is to learn to process emotions and heal, not finishing it as soon as you because it doesn't work that way. All the best! Tell yourself that you CAN DO THIS!",0.9963,positive,sentimental 434,depressed,im not handling it well,speaker,1,"why do people always say after someone dies "" they wouldn't want you be sad"". It makes me angry and feel like its not ok to be sad. I recently lost my grandpa. He passed away at his home, due to having Parkinson's disease. The last few days my family and i traveled back and forth to see him. We live hours away and couldn't constantly stay do to work, school..those things. I watched him slowly decline and i feel bad but i wish i didnt because its all i think about. I obviously dont handle death well. He passed away last month on the 22nd. I am sad i am still so sad. I cry when im alone and i dont talk to people about it because i dont want to bother them. idk what to do.i miss him so much",-0.9605,negative,sad 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_1,2,It is totally appropriate and natural to be sad. Grieving must take its course. Denying grief won't help when it's there. Take care. You're handling it OK. It's very hard.,-0.8396,negative,sad 434,depressed,im not handling it well,speaker,3,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 434,depressed,im not handling it well,speaker,4,thanks ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_2,5,how were you able to change the website address so it doesn't show it's from upworthy?,0.0,neutral,questioning 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_3,6,I have no idea. I originally saw the article from a friend of mine referencing it on facebook. Maybe that had something to do with it?,0.25,positive,suggesting 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_2,7,"Because normally reddit will block articles from upworthy which is why I ask, since if you were able to use another link address that might be why it was allowed to get through. Upworthy does have some posts worth sharing, like the one you did, so it would be nice to know how to do that workaround. ",0.7269,positive,suggesting 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_3,8,Oh. I was not aware of this at all. Oops! I'm sorry I wish I could tell you exactly how it got changed but I just got it off of a friend's page on facebook. Maybe that helps? :/,0.3164,positive,sympathizing 434,depressed,im not handling it well,listener_2,9,"maybe I'll try clicking from facebook. No worries, though. Thanks for responding. And also, thanks for all the responses you've been leaving lately for people on this subreddit (I'm a mod). Just having someone reply can make such a different for people, but you have really been a lot of effort offering empathy and support. ",0.7973,positive,suggesting 435,depressed,I don't understand.,speaker,1,"I have been single for almost 2 years. I was randomly just meeting men, having the casual one night stands with a failure to find that ""click"" on a person. Until i found it. We have been seeing each other for 3 months and it was one of the most beautiful encounters I had with another person. Until one week ago.. We met and told me that he was depressed and did not know what to do with his life. So i was all about supporting him for anything he chooses to do. And then he just dissapeared. He didnt go online on facebook, didnt answer my 2 texts in a week, he was just gone. And now, I dont know how to feel, when suddently i opened up so much for someone again and I felt so abandoned and confused. I did not have my closure with this person. I tried to do my best in this week that he dissapeard to be happy..but im a person that believes in love...and i cannot understand why sometimes people choose to do things like that.. i understand if he was depressed and wanted to go on a lone road but he just left me hanging and worrying and not knowing what to do. This is what happens when your happiness rely on other people.",0.2219,positive,trusting 435,depressed,I don't understand.,listener_1,2,"Sometimes you never get closure. Sometimes you never get understanding. Sometimes things just don't work out even if they seem to be going well. It's no one's fault, sometimes people just don't fit. Don't be afraid to share yourself with others because even if it doesn't work out then at the very least you treated yourself with respect and love. I know it's hard but don't beat yourself up over someone else. They are who they are and you are who you are. Be kind to yourself.",0.8649,positive,trusting 435,depressed,I don't understand.,speaker,3,Thank you so much for your reply! Its just Im 24 and I feel like im kind of emotionally immature since I let someone interfere with my psychological state so much that I couldnt even go to Uni or do normal things.. I know theres worse cases than this one..divorces with kids involved etc. But I am a person that believes in love but sometimes it feels like nobody gives a shit so I shouldnt either? Also how can I be kind to myself? I dont feel like I have a good relationship with my inner self. I tried a lot of times to reach out on whats not seen but its easier to blame myself and I cant stop doing that.,0.9444,positive,sympathizing 436,depressed,My life today...,speaker,1,Well. I am 26 yrs old. I been having depression issues my whole life. And in recent years my depression has been on and off. But the last couple months. I just wake up doing the same thing everyday. Working a job i don't like anymore. I have no relationship. No Friends. The money is ok. People tell me to take a trip and I can but I have no one to go with me. I lack motivation. What I do is spend money on things I dont need. I eat alot. I take drives for a couple of hours. But no. Life nowadays it is boring. I just find myself lonely and uninterested in everything. I don;t know what to do. I literally wake up and I just dread the day. I don;t enjoy life at the moment. There is just no joy and motivation to do anything. ,-0.9594,negative,lonely 436,depressed,My life today...,listener_1,2,"I often times feel the same way. A constant listless state of existing. There really is no easy way to heal or fix this feeling. The best thing that I can suggest is that you need to force yourself to try something new, at least that way you can maybe discover something that you enjoy and look forward to. I know that it isn't easy and it isn't a guarantee to even work, but it's the best thing I can recommend. A few suggestions of things that I enjoy doing are playing video games, watching the occasional movie, writing fiction and poetry, occasional doodles, etc. If you'd like any video game recommendation I'd be happy to suggest a few... or a perhaps a dozen. Another suggestion could be to seek out a therapist. Talking about your problems could help and maybe you'll discover something you didn't know about yourself. A third suggestion would be to try and take better care of yourself. I am not judging your lifestyle, but self heath can be important to a different outlook, confidence, happiness, etc. I am guilty of not exercising, but during my spurts of ""Hey, I am going to workout and try and get healthy, or at least become a little healthier."" I typically end up having a better mood. Unfortunately I lack discipline and always fall out of my exercise regiment :P If you'd like to talk more about this, feel free to send me a PM. My inbox is open to you. Hope something here helps and if nothing does, I am sorry. Have a lovely day/night!",0.9968,positive,suggesting 436,depressed,My life today...,listener_2,3,"(English is not my native language) If you seek a therapist, try to be compoletely honest and to tell everything that is on your mind. Yes, you are not going to be able to dump absolutely all and be 100% true in the first sessions, but the more I tried to tell everithing no matter how hard it is, the better results I got. It is a level of sincerity we are not used to, but is a very liberating process. These people are trained to accept absolutely anything, and to understand you and feel empathy. If you don't feel this connection, feel free to discuss it with the therapist or to seek another one. In the ""try new things"" apartment, I started going to a theater group and I look foward to it all the week. Arts might have the magic you need in your life, and if you live in a city, there might be a group of anithing. If something draws your atention even slightly, this might be a good moment to try. Sports like climbing or swimmin or the gym are also useful to me. These kinds of disciplines allow some special kind of reflections and insights. When I went to the pool, I never felt it as part of the routine, because it was really easy to vent all the shit I got. Finally, philosophy. You can start watching videos on youtube about anything that you feel curious about. Some philosophers have done all their work about the kinds of feelings and doubts depressed people feel. There are many great thinkers that worked on how we live our daily lives and how the great questions affect us. I found useful and liberating (This might be the most personal advice in this post) the teachings of buddhism, existentialism and stoicism. ",0.9948,positive,trusting 436,depressed,My life today...,listener_1,4,"I agree. I think therapy, exercising, and trying new things would be very beneficial to the OP. I can't speak from experience with looking up philosophical videos on YouTube, but it can't hurt to try it out. Also for someone who doesn't speak English primarily, you did a pretty good job with your post. I wasn't confused when reading and I think you structured your sentences well. Have a lovely day/night!",0.9789,positive,agreeing 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",speaker,1,"What day is it? I don't know. I've forgotten. My partner was in bed at nine o'clock this morning when I walked in the door. She looked so peaceful just lying there. Desperately, I just wanted to get into bed and just drift off. I've been awake for... what time time did I wake up yesterday? 8am? I had a fourteen hour night shift, work has been hell lately. I hate company splits and politics. Did i sleep well that night? I don't bother counting anymore. The sheets beckon me and I swear the pillow is teasing me, But I can't relax. I try to take a shower, try to dim the bathroom, switch my air conditioner on, pat my cats and switch on recorded rain sounds. My partner stirs and smiles. She's in the throes of some sweet dream, I wonder what she is thinking? Does she lounge on beaches in the Maldives? Does she relive her childhood? Does she think of other things in her sleep? I try to close my eyes and that's when it starts. Every alter ego I possess, if I can call it that. It's more like a string of voices and complaints and thoughts that meld together and create a constant polylogue of chatter somewhere in the various fore and backgrounds of my tired mind. Somewhere, my own voice, the exhausted auto pilot, asks them why they just can't be quiet. Just for a bit... I snap back awake. Did I even wake up? Was I asleep? What woke me up? Did I get woken up? What time is it? 9.13. I have been in bed for 8 minutes now and I'm wide awake. Crap. I toss. I turn. I switch. I move. I sigh. What is even the point? Everyone inside my head knows this is fruitless. Later I will have to get back up to go to work, there will be another night shift. My partner works the evening shifts at the grocery chain. She's home at midnight. I start at 11.30 pm. What's the point? I'm never home, she is in bed, cold, lonely, with the cats while I'm sitting at work waiting to go home. Do I miss her? When I'm awake and actually functioning I do. When I can think beyond my zombified stupor of a washed out brain. Right now I miss being able to think and see the world without clouds covering my eyes. Why do I do this? My job doesn't have any importance. I'm not a cog in a large machine, like people say, I'm more like the items the cogs turn out. Something you can give or lend or loan that's of low importance. That's my job. You could give it to anyone and then leave them and forget about it. Perhaps behind the dark recesses of your bookcase where it fell or under the sofa. You might find it, after a bit, maybe when you clean house, and you might even marvel out how nice it looks and how well it's done under there and ask about its life. Do I have a life? If you could call it that. I don't have a social life. My partner is one I never see and our activities together are limited, such is the way when you are on opposite times to the rest of the world. Weekends don't exist so much as breaks between shifts do. Fridays? Friday is just another social construct that either signifies I am either working, not working or struggling to sleep. Even with my hobbies, what's the point? I just go through the motions anyway. I fall asleep during my runs. I lose my breath during push-ups. I fall asleep when I'm writing. That sounds like a lot of times I'm falling asleep. Why can't I just sleep now?",0.8220000000000001,positive,lonely 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",speaker,2,"I sigh and roll over, I grapple with my bra and fling it to the floor and sigh in relief. Small mercies like this make it somewhat bearable. I dump my face into the pillows and my partner rolls over and moans. I can feel the cat at the end of the bed. I can feel the thread count of the sheets. The sun is cooking the blinds. There are school children. Cars. People talking. The blanket is to hot. The pillow is crushing my boobs. My arm is dead. I need to cough. I roll into my back. This isn't going to work. Would a shower help? Would playing a computer game? I could try meditating? I could try reading? Beh, I'm to tired. It's to much of an effort to even try. I don't even enjoy doing those things right now. What's the point? They don't help me sleep, they keep me awake, they keep me thinking. They keep the crowds and voices and thoughts in my brain ticking over. ""You aren't going to get eight solid hours,"" one voice says, ""but you can still feel refreshed."" I smile. I call this voice Tenzin. I like Tenzin. ""Maybe you should go turn some music on, have a shower and a beer. You need to look after yourself, and you enjoy doing it. Truthfully, you're upset and you need to take care of your happiness."" Tenzin is right, of course. He's always right. I am in the shower. I've a James squire in one hand, my phone is playing Alexi Murdoch softly and I'm just enjoying soaking up the feeling of a dark bathroom with a candle and the running water. ""Take a few deep breaths,"" Tenzin says, ""just relax."" I nearly laugh at the irony. I wasn't thinking about insomnia until about two seconds ago when you came back. The water is starting to get cold. Should I get out? I want to. Why is everything just a huge effort? Why is this harder than it should be? Everything feels like it is just a huge task and it's all pointless with no way out. Am I just imagining it is that way? Should I just change my mindset? Am I doing this to myself? Is it really that bad?",0.9916,positive,annoyed 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",speaker,3,"You know I hear a lot of people telling me 'oh mindset blah blah blah' I can't even hear them anymore, truthfully. I've sort of drowned them out and they sound more like a constant buzzing or droning of stupidity that just doesn't end. I can't help but notice I feel the exact same way, about everything. Why haven't I changed anything? Why haven't I gotten better? Why have I let life drag me down this unending and never stopping train wreck? I don't even like people. I don't dislike you because of your gender, or your sexuality, or your religious beliefs, what your mum ate for breakfast or what clothes you wear or even what pronouns you use. I really just dislike everyone equally and I don't think that's unfair. Did you know insomniacs are most likely to be psychopaths? I can totally see that. I'm always agitated, on edge or near a breakdown. Hell, I even considered faking suicide attempts so they could sedate me for 18 hours... wouldn't that be grand?",-0.9855,negative,angry 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",speaker,4,Am I? I'd hope so considering I'm writing a trilogy.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",listener_1,5,Do it.,0.0,neutral,confident 437,depressed,"Insomnia, depression, nightwork.",speaker,6,Tenzin says thanks;),0.4404,positive,wishing 438,depressed,Anyone suffered from depression please tell me what will happen next,speaker,1,Hi I have depression from last 10 months n on medication from aprox 2 months....i recently start feeling much better n sometime quite near to normal...from last 19 days i dont feel very much down ever...if i will have to give rating to each day i would say all days are above 5 out of 10....but this is not first time m feeling better but 19 consective days is first time....actualy m wondering dat will i have to very low days again or i will improve further???,0.5188,positive,neutral 438,depressed,Anyone suffered from depression please tell me what will happen next,listener_1,2,"Every once in a blue moon, you may have a down day that will feel a lot like what you've gone through before. The wonderful thing is that, so long as you remember all the good days, your bad day will be just that: one bad day. And then you will go back to having good days.",0.6124,positive,joyful 438,depressed,Anyone suffered from depression please tell me what will happen next,speaker,3,What you mean by the line 'your bad day will be just that:one bad day',-0.7906,negative,neutral 438,depressed,Anyone suffered from depression please tell me what will happen next,speaker,4,"I had done one mistake....i had taken dose of opium(afeem) with tea two days before with my friends(i was taking 'afeem' from 3-4 years before depression but not on regular basis but just for enjoy sometimes).i was much improved with my symtoms but today n yesterday i feel some depressive symtoms again...is it afeem which can resist depression recovery n m i feeling depressed due to dat....if it can effect depression then how can i restore this the effect of this mistake n can continue in improvement...(i realize dat it might be the reason for my depression n i will never take it again,but worried that it might triggers my depression again)...plz tell something about it ",-0.9795,negative,neutral 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,speaker,1,"Im stuck in my own life. If I wasn't married, I would feel like i have an option. How sick is that. I'm existing today not for myself. I don't want to try today, maybe for a while, but I don't have that luxury. I must keep pushing forward with my life... but i ask for what... more of this? I'm tried of being strong.",0.5329,positive,lonely 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,listener_1,2,"Some days are better then others and then some days are total shit. Find strength within yourself, but don't forget your Spouse is there to help you as you are for them. Marriage is about being better together. Don't forget you can ask for help. Also if you just need to vent feel free to pm me any time. ",0.9644,positive,trusting 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,speaker,3,"Thanks, yea it was a total shit day.",-0.2484,negative,acknowledging 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,listener_1,4,How was today friend?,0.4939,positive,questioning 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,listener_1,5,Well I hope and expect today has was a bit better. Shitty days are shitty but the good ones make up for it in the long run. ,0.5719,positive,hopeful 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,speaker,6,"better, thank you. i spent some time with a few pals yesterday and work want a shiftiest, so much better",0.835,positive,acknowledging 439,depressed,I don't want to be strong anymore,listener_1,7,"Good to hear buddy, I'm here any time ya may want to talk.",0.4939,positive,acknowledging 440,depressed,What does it feel like to enjoy life?,speaker,1,"I mean.. I know, that I didn't have any issues when I was younger than14yo. But I can't remember what it was like. Is there something that can simulate this specific feeling despite my fucked up brain? I do not talk about drugs.. some Kind of Sport or sth. that tricks my brain? I want to know how people feel when they are in fear for their Life, I want to understand it. If I were in that Situation, I'd feel numb and kind of excited..",0.6751,positive,afraid 440,depressed,What does it feel like to enjoy life?,listener_1,2,"well i think being in fear of one's life is very different from enjoying life. In answering your post question, I think enjoying life feels like you are light in weight, that you are not trapped or suffocating. That you can see and plan for your future and goals that you want to achieve. That you no longer fear tomorrow but looking forward to it. Having the awareness that yes life will suck sometimes but that's ok and that it's part of being human but you will move on from that negative feeling and be ok again. In addition, when you feel like you can't deal with something on your own, you know how and when to seek help from others. To achieve the above, the first step is to come to terms with what you are doing through and seek help from others that are supportive of you or professionals to help you manage your issues. ",0.9661,positive,content 440,depressed,What does it feel like to enjoy life?,listener_2,3,"Not intended so much as a disagreement... but an alternative or addendum perhaps: I think enjoying life can have several different manifestations. One is feeling light in weight, almost like you are about to fly away at any moment while walking. But there are others, sometimes seemingly contradictory. Sometimes you can feel strong and heavy - like any problem could come and attack you, but you can just punch it and defeat it easily. Another possible feeling is being warm and just not being able to stop smiling because everything is almost funny (even though you don't know why). There are probably others, but these are a few of the things that I've personally felt in the happier moments of my life. Or the more confident times.",0.97,positive,surprised 440,depressed,What does it feel like to enjoy life?,speaker,4,"Thank you for your thought through answer, I really appreciate this :) I will probably get professional help.. just someone to talk to without feeling ashamed.",0.9218,positive,acknowledging 440,depressed,What does it feel like to enjoy life?,listener_1,5,"you are very welcome. It's terrific that you are going to seek prof help, just remember to find a one that specializes in your needs, think about what age and gender that makes you more comfortable in sharing. And remember don't get discouraged if the 1 one doesn't work out, it usually takes a few to find a very compatible one! :) ",0.9675,positive,acknowledging 441,depressed,How to find meaning/purpose?,speaker,1,"Works finished and I have tonight and the weekend to do whatever I want. I wish for the weekend to come by sooner when I'm working. Yet when ever works done for the week, I just have no idea what to do. I used to play games all day and never tired off it. Now it requires great motivation to just start playing a game. Games ultimately feel unsatisfying and I stop in a couple of hours and think I've just wasted my life playing games. I feel like I should do other stuff. So, I do other stuff, like hanging out with my family, pets or friends. Sometimes I'll read, tidy up or watch movies/TV shows. In the end I feel unsatisfied and again feel like I've wasted my life. I always feel like there is something else I should be doing. I feel like I'm missing something in my life that will give my life meaning or purpose. It probably doesn't help that I'm young, doing a dead end job that is a hour an half away. Doing work that I hate doing. I don't know what I expect to achieve from writing this, but any help dealing with depression or helping me to workout what do; with work or stories about how you found out what you wanted to study at uni or line of work. Will be very appreciated. ",0.8387,positive,disappointed 441,depressed,How to find meaning/purpose?,listener_1,2,"A lot of what you say rings true to me, except im 35 and feel like ive missed out on life and now just writing this takes so much motivation and focus. I love being busy as it helps hide the fact that im not that interesting as a person. Anyway keep looking for that thing that you crave the most but scared to do.",0.011,neutral,agreeing 441,depressed,How to find meaning/purpose?,listener_2,3,> crave the most but scared to do Thanks for this. Perhaps sometimes it's fear holding us back more than anything else. Some YOLO might be a good thing I guess.,0.4371,positive,suggesting 442,depressed,i lve literally lost hope in everything,speaker,1,"I am 30 years old and i am completely dead inside. I have no hope, confidence or will to eve move forward. Ive learned that i am a shitty person, which i have been oblivious to until the last few months. Im literally just here....surviving. id rather be dead if this is all i am worth. Then again i dont have the balls to commit suicide. So im stuck here in this body......literally just here..waisting away. Filled with doubt. I dont know if anyone will read this but i.need help. Something is wrong with me and i dont know what it is",-0.9184,negative,devastated 442,depressed,i lve literally lost hope in everything,listener_1,2,Hi. I've PM'd you.,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 442,depressed,i lve literally lost hope in everything,speaker,3,Im sorry but but i am a bit confused on what you are saying,-0.4767,negative,sympathizing 442,depressed,i lve literally lost hope in everything,speaker,4,Thank that means alot!!!,0.5229,positive,acknowledging 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,speaker,1,"For the last year I've been feeling like nothing that has happened around me is real. It feels like a nightmare, an out of body experience, and this kinda freaks me out. My interactions with other people feel robotic and unnatural and time is everything but chronological. I just want to escape this sickening illusion.",-0.319,negative,terrified 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,listener_1,2,"I can relate. Most of the time, when I'm around other people, I wish that I could be invisible so that I could observe people laughing and smiling and telling stories so that I can experience the human interaction without being required to partake, because it seems that I don't know how. You can only put a face on for so long. ",0.836,positive,jealous 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,speaker,3,"So true. At what point do we stop being individuals and start being mimes, simulating emotions and reactions? I don't know, I never will.",0.2247,positive,agreeing 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,speaker,4,"What you said is so relatable at the moment. Maybe our lives are nothing but a Salvador Dali's piece of work: melting away from reality, slipping through our fingers and out of our control. So mesmerizing but oh, so difficult to understand.",-0.6555,negative,agreeing 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,listener_2,5,"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ez1rWBPznEc I literally just happened across this vid a few minutes ago; I'm a fan of Rick and Morty, but it might be worth a watch even if you're not. It's more relatable than I can be. Maybe it'll send us on the path to acceptance, if not understanding.",0.7906,positive,surprised 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,speaker,6,"Thank you for sharing this. As someone whose only source of ""faith"" is science, it helped a lot. I often find myself somewhere between struggling with the fact that I'm meaningless and knowing that, because of that, I'm the one who gets to say what's meaningful to me.",0.5719,positive,grateful 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,speaker,7,"Oh yes, I have. I agree. The more the world stops making sense, the more the senseless feels like home. Maybe there's some comfort in insanity? Maybe there's a sense of normality in not being normal? Who knows.",0.6119,positive,agreeing 443,depressed,Ever felt so depressed nothing feels real anymore?,listener_2,8,"> I often find myself somewhere between struggling with the fact that I'm meaningless and knowing that, because of that, I'm the one who gets to say what's meaningful to me. Welcome. That's a very nice way to put it and I'm going to take that thought with me going forward.",0.4005,positive,grateful 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,speaker,1,"hi.. I'm 23 year old girl who has lost all happiness in life. I've been thinking about ending my life everyday. I have no friends to talk to about my depression. I tell my boyfriend how I feel, but he always changes the subject because he doesn't know how to assess the problem. I don't enjoy doing activities like playing video games anymore because I feel like Im wasting time. I can't focus on my studies and im currently failiing all of my classes.I like to meet new people but they never seem interested in getting to know me. I wish people would invite me to places. I'm weird, short,ugly, and stupid. Who's going to hang out with someone so hideous? I'm here as my last resort. I heard the reddit community gives great support. Is there anyone who can help me? ",0.8383,positive,ashamed 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,listener_1,2,"Hello, I'd like to hear what you have to say and try to help as best I can. I am diagnosed with Major Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, and I have frequent bouts of insomnia. I've tried to end my life 3 times in the past year but here I am still breathing. The only reason I can think that I'm still here is to help others facing similar problems. I care. ",0.688,positive,caring 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,speaker,3,I would like to hear your story. I'm sorry you have to go through this pain. I'm glad that you care. This world needs more people like you.,0.7433,positive,sympathizing 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,speaker,4,"When I first started dating my boyfriend I was fine. It wasn't until 2 years ago I started to feel terrible. We don't really have anything I'm common so maybe he doesn't understand 100% how I feel. I don't want to make it seem like he's the problem because he does his best to make me happy, but I still get depressed.",-0.3315,negative,sad 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,speaker,5,I've never thought of going to a psychiatrist school. I'll try going tomorrow. I'm so ashamed to go though.,-0.6113,negative,ashamed 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,listener_2,6,U gotta get sombody who connects with u hard. It doesnt seem like he does. U gotta find someone who understands your plight. ,-0.3632,negative,trusting 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,listener_2,7,Dont be ashamed. One step to begin to help yourself is to try to let it out with somebody. Anybody,0.6433,positive,embarrassed 444,depressed,I don't want to live anymore,listener_3,8,"there absolutely no shame in what you are going through. NONE. Far more people than you realize are experiencing the same thing and it has nothing to do with how good of a person you are, the way you look, how strong you are, how popular you are, how much money you have, etc. The most important thing right now is to worry about getting yourself better, and being committed to helping yourself. There should be info online about where the psychiatrist is located on your campus, or you can go to the Health center and ask. ",0.9479,positive,agreeing 445,depressed,Anyone else spend more time fantasizing over suicide than sex?,speaker,1,"I'm a 24 year old male who has never been in love. At least, never requited. At 19 I gave myself til my 25th birthday to find love or kill myself. My birthday is mid November and I'm no closer than I was almost 6 years ago. I dont know why I'm unlovable, but clearly I am. Girls don't even notice my existence most of the time, and when they do I am only a close friend with no chance at romance. I want to die, but I'm too pussy to do it. ",0.3304,positive,lonely 445,depressed,Anyone else spend more time fantasizing over suicide than sex?,listener_1,2,"Look man, youth ends at 25. You got at least to 40 to find love. Do you shower with soap regularly and use deodorant? Most people i know who are unloved often has bad hygiene. ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 445,depressed,Anyone else spend more time fantasizing over suicide than sex?,speaker,3,"What's the complete opposite of a nerdy/geeky girl? Exercise/sport enthusiast? Really, besides nerds, I don't think any girls would even come close to accepting me.",0.6662,positive,embarrassed 445,depressed,Anyone else spend more time fantasizing over suicide than sex?,speaker,4,"25 was an arbitrary pick. It's important because I don't want to be alone forever. I'm past my birthday and still alive. Life is still very lonely, but I'm still holding on. ",-0.0791,negative,neutral 446,depressed,Man In The Box,speaker,1,"So it can't buy happiness, but what it can buy, can make you happy. So really money does buy you happiness and i am a broke as fuck 23 year old. So is that why I am unhappy? Being broke? No I am broke more than one way. Physcially, mentally, figuratively. There are what, 8 billion people on this planet? Almost a million or close to a million people every year kill themselves. It is unfortunate and tragic. I wonder what goes through the mind of someone else in this predicament. I use to help get people through these issues and try to get em to break a smile and find happiness in life. Can't do it for myself though. I haven't worked much in 3 years. Injuries, a sibling dying, moving 3 times and just depression from everything built up, brought me down. I Dug my own grave and its further than 6 feet down and im stuck in the hole. Soon ill be the Man In The Box. ",-0.9866,negative,sad 446,depressed,Man In The Box,listener_1,2,"Why did you stop working, to get happiness, you can get it from others, if that's what you're looking dir, then helping those people, kept you happy",0.8074,positive,neutral 446,depressed,Man In The Box,speaker,3,A series of misunfortunate events. Some stupid decisions as well. Just lost the will,-0.5574,negative,devastated 447,depressed,Trying to talk about my depression and anxiety,speaker,1,"I have a really uncomfortable time talking about myself and I struggle to feel like anything I say is authentic. I have lots of friends, a very active social life, I live with friends who care about me, but I still feel lonely and wish I could connect with people on a deeper level. At the same time, I'm scared to. I go to therapy but I have a really hard time communicating there, and even accessing my emotions to talk about them in the first place. So much has been changing in the last few months, and since it's so hard for me to connect IRL I figured I'd try to do that here. It's also weird and scary and I'm struggling to keep this authentic-feeling for me, but even writing this out somehow makes it feel fake. But I've been trying for over a year and so I'm going to try this now. I've been super depressed the whole time I've been at college (in my 4th year) and before that as well, since I was 12. I think people think I'm perfectly fine because I'm incredibly high-functioning: I use business as a coping mechanism and I'm lucky enough to be naturally good at school. But recently things have been shifting. My friend killed himself at the beginning of the school year and my therapist subscribed prozac about a month or two ago. I've scaled back on the extracurriculars (which was so hard to do!) in hopes that I would feel freer and happier, but I feel trapped often and I can't get out of bed in the morning anymore, it takes me longer now than ever, despite the fact I'm getting more sleep. I'm unmotivated and unfocused. TL;DR never been comfortable discussing my depression or anxiety, lots of friends but I'm still lonely and feel like I can't connect. After scaling back a super-busy schedule, I just feel more depressed. How do I connect with people and not just go through the motions? Sharing person things is either terrifying or feels like an act or even lying. ",-0.9641,negative,apprehensive 447,depressed,Trying to talk about my depression and anxiety,listener_1,2,"Everybody is vulnerable. None of us like to put our innermost feelings out there with the possibility that it can come back to hurt us. Everyone fears putting their trust in someone only to have it one day broken. So basically, you just have to take a chance. Yes, some people will let you down and make you regret saying anything, but others will surprise you with how caring, empathetic, and possibly have a similar understanding to how you feel. The unmotivated and unfocused parts are the symptoms of depression that hopefully the medication will help you with. You are already seeing a therapist, which is crucial. Also, those of us with depression struggle with our authenticity, as depression can take away what it means to be you, and this can reach a point where we have no idea what is us and what is the depression. The loneliness and disconnection are also part of the depression that successful treatment will address and improve. But the more you open up to people and let them see the real you, the more support you will have if depression ever does worsen because these people who care about you will be able to remind you of the person you really are, the person they value. As of now, if you feel that no one knows this real you because you have allowed them to see it, it will be harder for you to find comfort in their attempts at support. They can only know you as much as you allow them to. There will be always be people who you will think you can trust who end up letting you down, but at the same time, there will always be people who will care enough about you if you open that connection line. If you keep others distant, then they can only know you on the superficial level you let them see. We are all vulnerable, no one is immune to being hurt by those we have chosen to open ourselves up to. So this isn't anything that's unique with you. But if you never take a chance of trying to create deeper personal connections, you may not get hurt, but at the same time you will remain lonely and disconnected from all. ",-0.7194,negative,trusting 447,depressed,Trying to talk about my depression and anxiety,speaker,3,"this has helped me actually quite a lot. Thank you for your insight. Some of it seems so obvious now that you've laid it out, but I really seem to not quite have enough perspective (and of course depression influences your perspective, right?). Thank you, undercurrents, this was really helpful to me. I didn't really recognize that fear of being hurt was playing into this, but I think you're absolutely right. I'm trying to cut myself a break on being perfectly authentic when I connect to people... tried sharing a little bit the other day and it went OK. I'll keep trying. ",0.4544,positive,agreeing 447,depressed,Trying to talk about my depression and anxiety,listener_1,4,"glad I could help, and I'm glad you started giving it a try. ",0.8779,positive,neutral 448,depressed,Spiraling,speaker,1,"I don't want to post on facebook to reach out to people and I have no idea how to talk to one of my friends about this. I am finding I am getting into old habits of eating badly, not sleeping (pulling all nighters) and then working all day, not exercising, and not caring about anything or anyone. I recently got a second job which relates to the job I would like to do for my career. I work 3 days there, 2 days as an RA in a lab, and then full-time grad school. I feel like I can't breathe and I don't care about work anymore. My quality of work feels half-assed because I don't have enough time to dedicate to anything and I am tired all the time. I feel myself getting sick, and I don't have time to go to the doctor's to get my meds to help me focus and be stable. It is a spiral. I am so depressed that I can physically feel it. I hate myself right now; I hate how I feel and look. I hate that my work is shitty and that I feel inadequate at work. I don't know what to do. I don't even know how to talk to my husband about this. I am in constant pain from my fibromyalgia and I can't take any of the meds they would normally recommend because I have brain zaps from them. I feel like time is flashing too quickly; I feel like I am letting everyone down; I am sick of my classes when I used to love them. I know others are in a worse situation, but I really don't know how to fix this. I thought I had my depression under control. I thought I was getting my life together and that I could hold my own. I don't want to lose my new job. I wish I was happier with my old one I cut back on that I love (but can't stay because it was a school job only). It's different anyways, and doesn't have the same feel to it now that I cut back hours. Would love some advice on what to do. ",0.2947,positive,ashamed 448,depressed,Spiraling,listener_1,2,"Firstly, if you don't mind me asking, do you believe in God? Because I've felt (to a lesser degree) the same way, and my faith in God is what keeps me grounded. The knowledge that I'm not alone in my struggles, and that I am loved even with my faults, is the single biggest comfort in my life. Secondly, it doesn't help to keep this bottled up. Believe me, I know. Posting here is a good start, but I really do recommend sharing this with your husband. I know it's hard to face somebody and tell them something like this, but the longer you wait, the worse it will be. You may not even have to face him directly. Send him a text, or write him a note if you want, and tell him your insecurities. Just don't walk the path alone. Thirdly, if it's at all possible, try to take a day or two off. Take a weekend, or a single day, and go out in nature. Forget about the burdens and trials that drag you down, and focus on the good in life. Do something you enjoy, or read a funny book. Spend some time with the people you love, and who love you. Life gets me down sometimes too. Just know that you aren't alone. I'm happy to chat with anybody who needs a little encouragement. ",0.9767,positive,trusting 448,depressed,Spiraling,speaker,3,Thank you so much <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 448,depressed,Spiraling,speaker,4,"Your words really helped a lot. I am looking to see where I can cut back and taking weekends to do homework. I am staying in the side wings for a group grant project where the undergrads want to take more of a major role. I am going to look into a therapist. I don't know when I would have time, but I will try. I can't take off the Research Assistant position though because it is paying for my school. I talked to my husband last night. I felt better after talking to him about it and got hugs. Thank you though for reaching out. I really appreciate it. ",0.958,positive,hopeful 448,depressed,Spiraling,listener_1,5,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 449,depressed,I Hate My Life,speaker,1," So basically my life feels like a mess. I started working at a cinema when I was 17, and saved up 5 thousand dollars for college. I'm a saver by nature, but my dad had to be on my account cause I wasn't 18. Long story short he would take money from me for rent, and I ended up going to college broke and had to take out a 5 thousand dollar loan. This was 4 years ago. I only ever finished that year of college (good grades but parents never asked) Fast forward to now, I'm 23 and still at the theater. After listening to constant ""you're selfish for wanting to go back to college, family is more important"" and me not even having a car or license, I just can't seem to smile anymore. The plus side is I got full time and insurance from the theater, but when I applied for manager I was told I wasn't good enough for various reasons, even though I am a hard worker, never late, and three years on mostly everyone else. My gm could have told me these reasons before I applied, but waited till after to lay it on me (and no communication about the application for a month) I felt my job was the one place I could move up and not feel like a failure of a 23 year old. Yet here I am. Still a failure. Still no degree, still no car or license, and still no hope. I apologize for the wall of text.",-0.9823,negative,ashamed 449,depressed,I Hate My Life,listener_1,2,"your parents suck and are dead wrong about wanting to go back to college as selfishness. hell no. i cant believe he took your money too!! how low. these people who believe family should come first no matter how it affects you just make me flabbergasted. now THAT is selfish!!! im so sorry about the stupid gm at the theatee too. its hard to survive with your sanity when its likely everyone else around you is so narrowminded. i hope you can find a way out. depression makes motivation invariably hard, but i want to say...if you can find a shred of strength in you, dont let them convince you that you arent good enough. its just as likely that they are the ones who suck... fight the good fight my friend...",-0.948,negative,consoling 449,depressed,I Hate My Life,speaker,3,Thanks a lot,0.4404,positive,wishing 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,speaker,1,"I am a 24 year old female. I work full time and go to school. However, the past year or so I just have no joy in anything I do. I used to want to go to school and work towards my career. Now I just see no point. There's nothing that really makes me happy anymore. I just would rather sleep.. I could literally sleep for days on end. I feel very negative about myself and no longer feel proud about things I've done. I've tried to express this to people close to me but it either gets dismissed or they don't understand how it feels. I'm on medication and have gone to counseling (which I will be resuming). I just don't know how to get over this.. or if it will ever go away. I've thought about ending it all but I am not brave enough and would never want to hurt those around me... so I really just am hoping to find some ways to deal with this. ",0.4043,positive,disappointed 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,listener_1,2,"I've been in this boat lately. I don't have much motivation to change my situation and it hurts constantly. It's really nice to know that somebody is almost just like me. We aren't alone it all, I guess.",0.2308,positive,grateful 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,speaker,3,"It did, thank you. After much thought I actually decided to drop the class I was in. I could have very well passed the course but at the cost of my mental health. I have never felt so depressed. It's reassuring to know I am not alone and it's okay to pause things like school to address my mental health and like you did/said bring some happiness. I don't remember the last time I truly felt joy or happiness. It's scary to think about changing my career path after going down the same one for so long but I suppose it could be exciting too. Your words have been really comforting. I hope you are feeling better these days as well. It makes me frustrated and sad how little we discuss or address mental health when in the medical field you learn how important and vital our brain is. ",0.9909,positive,grateful 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,speaker,4,"I've been fighting for what feels like forever. It seems like life just keeps adding more and more. This year I have been physically sick as well which adds so much stress to the equation. I've felt depressed for years really but never to this extent, where I just honestly can't see a future or could care less. That's what truly scares me.. how it has now engulfed me. I'm also an introvert which is right, it doesn't help. I know/am sure things will improve. It's just hard to imagine or see the light at the end of the tunnel when you feel this way. Thank you for your kind words and letting me rant. ",0.9401,positive,terrified 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,speaker,5,"Exactly!! I work with many people who have likely never dealt with mental health. They have no idea what this feels like. I just got out of a relationship with someone who thought I chose to feel this way. I keep pressing on with things, stressing myself out, overworking myself to make others happy. It's interesting because I smile all the time, everyone who knows me probably would never guess the demons I'm fighting behind closed doors. I'd like to think things can get better, I'm sure they will but it sucks feeling like this for years with no real change or improvement. Yes, cheers to us! I have to admit my anxiety/depression has made me a more empathic person. I always put myself in others shoes and have sympathy for others and what they may feel. For that, I am thankful. I hope things improve on your end. I am sure there are a lot of people around you who are happy to have you in their lives.. even if depression makes you feel otherwise. If you ever want to talk to discuss things feel free to message me. Always nice to talk to someone who understands how I/we feel. ",0.9937,positive,hopeful 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,listener_2,6,"I'm glad you decided to make a change, I really hope it works out for you. It is indeed frustrating. It has a lot to do with people just not understanding or not being able to empathise. I wish you the best of luck =]",0.9412,positive,wishing 450,depressed,Depressed; No will to live,listener_3,7,"Of coures your welcome. U can msg me if you want to talk about anything. I think you gotta try leaning on people, use humans instinctive social nature to help push through. Let it all out",0.7184,positive,trusting 451,depressed,getting older sucks,speaker,1,Im 36 and female. Im really upset about getting older. Im beyond distraught and dont like the changes my body is going through. im not handling aging well and its only going to get worse from here. depressed females out there...do you ever get suicidal because you arent young and thin anymore? did you go into your 30s with a false sense of your own worth and then realize the whole time that people only gave you chances because you were young and female? how do you cope with slowly becoming invisible?,-0.9593,negative,questioning 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_1,2,"I'm a guy so I can't relate, but getting older isn't a bad thing if you look at it right. Firstly, you can't stop ageing. Our bodies will change. And because our bodies typically go from good to bad, we end up comparing our current selves to our former selves, which will obviously make us upset. A fifty year old person would never compare well with their twenty year old self. Which leads me to my second point; love yourself and your body. If you could go back to a 21 year old you, you would probably tell them to love every moment in their body because it won't always be like that. Well 50 year old you and 70 year old you would say the same thing to the current you. Savour every moment in your body, so you don't regret not having it later on. And there are billions of humans on this planet. And everyone has a different opinion of what they find desirable. While you don't like your current body, some guys and girls likely think you look beautiful. They aren't as common as the people that like your stereotypical media model, but they do exist. And given some of the weird crap people are into, its not a long shot to find someone that would consider you beautiful. Loving yourself, savouring each moment, enjoying your body, and someone in your life who appreciates your body and reminds you of that frequently should all help. ",0.9933,positive,annoyed 451,depressed,getting older sucks,speaker,3,"the statement you made about 50 year old me yelling at current me to enjoy how i am now is sobering advice. its always easier said than done but a good thing to remember. i am sure men feel pressure to look good, i do think being female has a unique set of problems. also my mom is an anorexic who over exercises and gets plastic surgery so I didnt have a great behavior model for aging gracefully. its a tough demon to shake. it fans the depression / anxiety flames.",-0.4293,negative,agreeing 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_2,4,"> getting older isn't a bad thing if you look at it right For example, one might consider that the only alternative to aging is death.",-0.2617,negative,surprised 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_3,5,"You probably look great and if there is something you could improve on, you are still young enough to do it. I'm 50 and there is no going back. when I was 43 I had the best body I ever had - even better than when I was dancing - because I was gardening for a living. Don't feel bad at 36, please. ",0.952,positive,proud 451,depressed,getting older sucks,speaker,6,"i kinda anticipated the ""dont feel bad you are only 36"" comments. I think its really hard to explain this to anyone but a woman my age. im hoping to get at this now so i dont feel worse. its really not about what i could do to change what i dont like. those answers are known. exercise, eat less, and for the rich..plastic surgery. but how to THINK about your body as a female...learning to grow old without freaking out...knowing how most human societies treat middle aged women...its terrifying.",0.7807,positive,anxious 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_4,7,"I am a woman your age, with major depression, and I'm fine with how I look because I look like a 35 year old. Though I stay active to try to take some weight off and keep my body functioning. But just smiling goes a long way in how people treat you. I've never experienced any insulting treatment by society as a middle aged woman, nor have I suddenly become invisible. And if someone were to judge me based on my body versus my personality, they aren't someone I want in my life anyway. And plastic surgery, even if I had the money, is nowhere in the future. There is no reason to not look the age you are. Everyone ages and every body ages. And when people get plastic surgery, they become gossip because they no longer look like themselves. Someone telling me I'm beautiful is a wonderful compliment. But I take no satisfaction in anyone telling me ""you look really good for your age,"" or ""I thought you were younger."" And why should I? I'm not running away from my age. I appreciate the person I am, as I am. I spend a lot of time around people who are in their early to mid 20s because I play in a sports league and workout at a gym. And I'm in shape but overweight. Yet no only treats me any different because of either my age nor body type. It's my personality people care about. And speaking as someone with major depression, this is where I find the most satisfaction. Because everyday I battle the demon of depression that controls almost every aspect of my life, yet I am able to push my personality through (sometimes, not all the time, sometimes it's too damn exhausting) and when people see it, that's what attracts them to me. So that's what I am proud of, that through this depression that has sucked out so much of my life, I am still in there. This is what I focus on. Men battle with aging as well. And to be frank, we all have a ""type"" we are attracted to- both in looks and personality. So all I care about are people who are attracted to me as I am. Do I look like I did when I was 21? No. But that's because I'm 35, so I expect to look like I am 35, stretch marks and all. Your mom tried to create a fake version of herself, and clearly it didn't make her any happier. It just made her more obsessive with being someone she is not. So why follow in those failed footsteps? Embrace who you are, which includes your age and your body, and find your confidence in being who you are. If there are small changes you can make, go ahead and make them. And if it's catcalls you are looking for when you say you are becoming invisible, then you need to find more worth in yourself than just pick up lines and glances from random strangers. But otherwise, if you don't want to be invisible, then simply stand up with confidence in who you are and everyone will see you. ",0.9921,positive,content 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_3,8,"Yes, it is terrifying but really and truly, you are not there yet. I'm not telling you not to feel bad because you can't help that feeling. Just know that you have years left in you yet.",0.625,positive,afraid 451,depressed,getting older sucks,speaker,9,"alsoi am a musician and struggle in this male dominated scene. there is a lot of additional pressure to be ""hot"" when you are a woman on stage but not nearly as much for male musicians. 50% of the guys i see while on the road for shows are overweight and over 45. i see no women who meet these specifications. im trying to be a trendsetter by not playing into the hot girl pressure, but its an uphill battle. and so it me being a hot girl. so i feel depressed.",-0.9649,negative,jealous 451,depressed,getting older sucks,speaker,10,"im glad you are so strong. you are perhaps stronger than i am. i will likely have to adopt the recommended confidence and insight at my own pace. if you were raised with bad body image as an example and suddenly find it pop up in adulthood when you never noticed it before, you cant simply switch it off.",0.903,positive,agreeing 451,depressed,getting older sucks,listener_4,11,"There will always be a double standard for women. If you are a musician, just worry about being the best you can be, because the respect you want if for your talent and not your looks. Look at Adele, Lady Gaga, or even Barbara Streisand. None of them fit the standard of the hot girl, but their careers are successful because of their talent. Worry less about garnering attention for your looks and more about blowing people away with your talent. ",0.9177,positive,jealous 452,depressed,newly medicated,speaker,1,"Ive been depressed since i was 13. Due to losing my cousin, in a horrible way. He was murdered. My teenage years were horrible. I didnt drink or do drugs, i distanced myself from everyone and wallowed in misery. I also would hurt myself often. Recently my grandpa got very sick. He passed away slowly and im still having alot of trouble with it. I decided to finally take the steps to try and deal with everything. i dont want to live with this dark cloud over my head anymore. Ive been on medication for a short while and seem to..well ive already had a really bad breakdown. i dont want to give up on it but i hate feeling depressed. i feel stuck..hopeful and hopeless at the same time.",-0.9851,negative,sad 452,depressed,newly medicated,listener_1,2,"Congrats on taking steps to help yourself. Antidepressants are tricky. First, they do not work right away, they take time to build up in your system. Second, you may need to increase your dose. Third, and most important, trial and error is the only way to know which antidepressant works best for you, at what dosage, and possibly in combination with another antidepressant. You just have to stick with it. The best way to know whether it is helping you is to keep a journal and each day give yourself a score of how you feel from 1-10, and write down any extra info of how you felt for that day. That way you can see a trend over time. This tells you that maybe you need to switch medications as you are not improving, or maybe you are improving but don't realize. When asked if you are feeling better, your answer will depend on how you feel at that moment (so if you are having a bad day, you will say you never felt any better), this is why it is crucial to keep track of the days so you can look back objectively. Also, you need to find a therapist. Antidepressants can only do so much and they certainly will not help you deal with things in your past that are still affecting you. What antidepressants do is help you reach a place where dealing with these issues is much more feasible. ",0.8685,positive,wishing 452,depressed,newly medicated,speaker,3,thanks for the advice. i think im going to do the writing down stuff thing,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 453,depressed,Short talk on practical side of depression (Jordan Peterson),speaker,1,"I just thought it was a really brilliant and insightful look into our lives and wondered what you guys thought. Jordan Peterson is a philosophy professor and a therapist (afaik). I've been browsing his youtube lectures for the last few days and these couple of minutes really stuck with me. [Jordan Peterson: Reality and the Sacred - Q&A](https://youtu.be/2c3m0tt5KcE?t=44m40s) (not sure this is the right sub, but I didn't know where else to share this). ",0.4971,positive,impressed 453,depressed,Short talk on practical side of depression (Jordan Peterson),listener_1,2,"Wow dtcc...i taught there. this guy's message is decent, but i would say that if a personality disorder accompanies your depression you may find his forceful way of speaking a bit invalidating.",-0.802,negative,neutral 453,depressed,Short talk on practical side of depression (Jordan Peterson),speaker,3,"I agree he can sound a bit harsh to someone, probably because he's talking to potential therapists and not patients themselves. His sessions don't look like this, at least I hope not :-D Good point though, thanks. ",-0.3314,negative,agreeing 454,depressed,Blessed with a face that cannot be loved,speaker,1,"Had another job interview today. Went well, but they go well most of the time. Still have not gotten a single offer. They always say ""you are a good guy, just not a good match for *us*"". And with the ladies it is the exact same thing. ""You are not bad looking, just not attractive to *me*"". I could believe it if it happened on occation. But there is an undeniable pattern of this occuring every single time. I should be happy for how the job interview went, but so far it never worked out, ever. They always tell me that the interview went well and that they are interested in me, and weeks or months later I get an email they found someone better. And on my way home multiple girls made an effort to look the other way when I came near, even though I was wearing a suit, shaved, clean haircut etc and was smiling, happy and relieved. I don't get much better than this, which made it twice painful, knowing that even at my best I'm still dust in the wind. This world is just not meant for me, and vice-versa. At least I'll be a full wizard in two and a half years :°)",0.9895,positive,annoyed 454,depressed,Blessed with a face that cannot be loved,listener_1,2,"Trial and error buddy. That's the way I see it, and God knows I've come out with a lot more errors than successes but honestly, *it's easier said than done* but don't lose hope. If something's not working, change it and try again, if everything you do fails at this thing, try something else. When it all falls into place, it will feel worth it. I hope this helps.",0.9356,positive,consoling 454,depressed,Blessed with a face that cannot be loved,speaker,3,"I appreciate the advice. But I know there is so much wrong with me. To give an update on the job though: THEY DECIDED TO HIRE ME! I still can't believe it to be honest. After more than half a year of unemployment, more than a dozend interviews and over 40 applications (not just standard applications, for most of them I put at least 2 hours into each just writing the letter of application and adjusting everything towards what is required by the job that I spend hours picking out on the internet) I finally found someone willing to hire me! Totally scared of course, since it is something that I did not learn at university at all and have to put a lot of hours into just to get by and make it work, but my first real job! So I suppose that this is proof that it might work out eventually. I also know that I smothered some girls by being way too open about myself and oversharing and whatnot. Usually either that or my lack of confidence drives them away. Or my face :o Well, baby steps I suppose. Got a job. Not I gotta keep that job and become a valuable asset to the company. Maybe get my own apartment eventually. And then maybe try to find women somewhere somehow for trial and error. I don't know where to find women to be honest. And have never dated, so I wouldn't even know what to do if I found one that I am interested in haha. Maybe it's a good thing that I'll be working so much, there will be no time for dating. And then I'll be a wizard :o TL;DR: Thank you for your response. I really appreciate someone taking their time, reading my ramblings and responding. While this post may look positive, I have extreme moodswings, ranging from suicidal depression to super hyped and crippling anxiety :p Either way, have a nice day ^ _ ^",0.9729,positive,surprised 455,depressed,"I'm 20, and I have no idea where my life is going. This is my story.",speaker,1,"I'm a 20 year old male and i've been in a depression for quite a while. Reddit is my only output because I just can't talk to anyone I know, not even my girlfriend, it's just too hard. I've been stuck in this cycle where I do nothing of my days, where I just sit and game until 6 in the morning, wake up at 3-4pm and repeat this over and over again. People say i'm lazy, but it's more than that, it's something I can't explain that's holding me down and the only time where I realize i'm doing nothing with my life is at 5am where I have panic attacks and I cry next to my girlfriend when she sleeps, because I feel sorry for her that she got stuck with someone like me. Because of this I can't hold a job for more than a few months, and as I write this i've been unemployed for three months. I'm student at heart, it is where I excel, and I feel as though since I got rejected from the university i've been dying to go to since age 8, it's all been downhill from there. I kept lowering the bar for myself concerning what I deem good in life. It's gotten from ""I want to complete my master's in Common Law at Harvard University, to holding a damn job, to now getting up in the morning. To add to that, the only way I've been able to support myself is by stealing money, something i'd never thought i'd see myself doing. But here I am, stealing money from my parents, those who have loved me unconditionally, and I absolutely hate myself for it. I have no idea what to do anymore, i've run out of options; soon, i'll probably end up homeless because I can no longer pay rent, i've borrowed so much money from my own friend, parents, and girlfriend's mother, that I can no longer ask them. I've run out of options, and if this keeps going i'm afraid i'll get to a point where i'll take my own life. I need help. I need advice. And this is my first step. Please redditors.",-0.945,negative,lonely 455,depressed,"I'm 20, and I have no idea where my life is going. This is my story.",listener_1,2,"Hey there (: Your situation is dire, but it is not without hope! You have a girlfriend and a place to be at right now. But since everything is just an overwhelming ocean of sadness, here is a step-by-step manual to dig yourself out of this hole: First step: Get help. Tell your girlfriend that you are stuck in shit. She deserves to know that you are in trouble. You don't have to tell her about stealing money (yet), but since you seem to be living together, she should know how you do at least in general. Second step: Get a job. I know first-hand how tempting it is to play games all day everyday. Trust me, I do know. I do it all the time instead of doing what I secretly want to do, or should do. Maybe there is some sort of addiction added into the mix, escaping from life is so easy. But you gotta do something. If you can't do this on your own, tell your girlfriend to help you with it. Take baby steps. Don't dream of the future, right now you need a job and some sort of structure in life. Don't think about the future, it will overwhelm you and you will freeze in fear and panic. Think NOW. You need a job. In the end you are still young enough to do mostly anything you want to, but your priority is to break free of this vicious cycle. Third step: Once you do end up making money, pay back what you stole and loaned. Not for the people you got the money from, but for yourself and your concience, as it will eat you up. Now you will ask yourself, how do you prevent yourself from ending up in the same place again? And the answer to that is, if you are alone you probably will. But you are not alone. Talk to your girlfriend about what SHE wants in life. Talk about what YOU wanted. Find a bottom line that you can both work towards and support each other. Don't lose hope.",-0.5333,negative,trusting 455,depressed,"I'm 20, and I have no idea where my life is going. This is my story.",speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your response, i'll take every point into consideration, and i'll look for a job right now. It means a lot to me that you took time out of your day to respond. Again thank you, and i'll keep you posted :)",0.7906,positive,wishing 455,depressed,"I'm 20, and I have no idea where my life is going. This is my story.",listener_1,4,"Personally, I feel like your girlfriend deserves to know at least a bit as well. But that is your call. I'm glad you are trying to get a job (: it will make a huge difference, and once you get one (even if it is a ""bad"" one), you can work on everything else. Baby steps. Depression/life crisis cannot be defeated in a day, it is a lot of work and sometimes you have to start fighting again every day to keep your mind straight and not overwhelmed with everything. But you can do it (: And keep us updated (:",0.9179,positive,agreeing 456,depressed,I'm 19 years old and this is me.,speaker,1,"I am 19 years old. I had plans, and dreams. I wanted to become a cop since I was young. My desire only grew as I grew. Seeing how dumb they are these days and how much they are hated. Made me want to be one even more. I wanted to prove that they could be symbol of hope and protection. so I made goals, I quit smoking, started working out regularly, studied in law. I was focused and set on achieving this goal of mine. I had a wonderful girlfriend and we were happy for the last 3 years (1 in whilst in school 2 being graduated.) Well my girlfriend ended up cheating on me, mentioning how I am not worth it. I wasn't attractive or funny enough, too much of a hermit to socialize. it hurt, still does. Everything she said was true. At that point I felt alone all I really had was a few close friends. I never was close to my family. My father is a drunk deadbeat and my mother attaches to whatever guy has a big wallet. Leaving us behind for him. My brother is in the military out in Bahrain. only person I've ever been close to I can't really talk to. I am not sure what do right now. I feel alone, I want to date but I know I am not worth it, I have no one to talk to, and my biggest dream was crushed due to my colorblindness being too severe. I honestly don't see the point in living right now. I feel empty. Like I'm drowning but not to the point suffocation. I feel like I'm in a glass cage of emptiness watching everyone else have the freedom without said cage. ",0.8037,positive,hopeful 456,depressed,I'm 19 years old and this is me.,listener_1,2,"You are worthy. Anything that she has said is simply what SHE is looking for, and you are not that person because you do not want to be. You do you and you'll find someone who loves you for it. Your life hasn't gone to plan but it doesn't mean it has to be bad from here on out! Stick in there, make a new plan, I know it's hard but it will be worth it. Greatness is not about getting everything you want first time, it's about getting back up every time you fall to try again. ",-0.1663,negative,confident 456,depressed,I'm 19 years old and this is me.,speaker,3,Thank you. I appreciate that. :) thanks for reading my venting. ,0.8779,positive,sympathizing 456,depressed,I'm 19 years old and this is me.,speaker,4,Not if its too severe. My being colorblind could be detrimental. If for example we were searching for a kidnapper or vehicle. I may go for the incorrect ones based on color. ,-0.3818,negative,afraid 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,speaker,1,"I'm on 15 Mg of Paxil so i don't know...maybe it's not working anymore, but everything is a chore to me. I can barley make myself take a shower. I have no motivation to even brush my hair some days...I never wear makeup to work anymore. I've gained 20lbs. I've never felt so paralyzed and incapable of doing the smallest, simplest tasks. And it makes me feel like a disgusting slob. None of my clothes fit, and whatever does fit looks like something you'd wear to bed. The only thing j do consistently is take care of my dogs. I think about this all day every day but I do nothing about it and I can't seem to make myself. Anyone else feel this way? ",0.8674,positive,ashamed 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,listener_1,2,Yeah I have felt this way as of recently. Found out my recent ex boyfriend (of 2 years) just got a girlfriend. Kind of torn apart... Something I've thought about doing and you should too is seeing a professional to talk about how you feel. It may help us out. ,0.3832,positive,suggesting 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,speaker,3,"Ugh I'm sorry. I've always had a hard time getting over exes, even with a lot of time passes so I know how you feel. I'm definitely gonna talk to someone. Thanks for commenting. ",0.2732,positive,agreeing 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,speaker,4,"Thank you. I signed up for the gym but haven't been able to go yet. I volunteer which helps a lot but I wish I could do it more. You're definitely getting t together by working out so much, good for you. That's a good way to describe it ""chair locked"" ha. good luck to you!",0.9833,positive,wishing 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,speaker,5,"Really? Low? Okay, I will definitely tell my doctor that...I'm not sure how comfortable I feel increasing my dosage on Paxil since the withdrawal is so severe when I've tried to get off of it (because I've had a couple years where I've not been on it and personally I would prefer it that way). But I don't know...maybe it's a medication I need to be on permanently. Or at least until I can take time off to deal with trying to get off of it. I really don't want to be on any medication, but I'm insufferable to be around when I run out and the physical symptoms are so severe.",-0.846,negative,apprehensive 457,depressed,Not taking care of myself anymore,listener_2,6,"well, you shouldn't be running out, you should be filling your prescription on time. You probably don't need to be on medication permanently, but you do have to stay on medication for a while even after you feel better. But basically you have a choice- you can stay off medication and take your chances that you'll suddenly improve, or you can take medication and see and therapist and address the issues in order to improve faster and be closer to being back to your normal self. ",0.936,positive,neutral 458,depressed,Evenings are rough,speaker,1,"At morning, everything is okay. A new day, foolish hope, a plan for the next few days at least. Survive, move on. However, in the evening my energy fades and reality sets in. A loveless, desperate life. Void of physical contact or a future. Doomed to be tortured until the sweet release of death. Forever alone. Release me now.",-0.8481,negative,sad 458,depressed,Evenings are rough,listener_1,2,I know how this feels. The morning is always filled with possibility but as the afternoon approaches I just want to crawl into bed and not do anything. ,0.1154,positive,lonely 458,depressed,Evenings are rough,listener_2,3,But buy doing that you feel worse. I found that doing everyday just a little more than u otherwise would builds up over time,-0.631,negative,neutral 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,1,https://www.iprevail.com/questions/is-it-ok-to-not-have-things-figured-out-to-feel-like-everyon,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,listener_1,2,"Take a deep breath and remember that everyone is struggling with something, even if it is different from what you are struggling with it is still struggling. No one is ever truly alone in this.",-0.8271,negative,lonely 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,3,yes sometimes taking deep breaths helps a lot! ,0.68,positive,agreeing 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,4,great point! :-) we're all figuring things out ,0.7712,positive,acknowledging 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,5,that's great and completely agree that the best person to compare yourself to is yourself! ,0.9078,positive,agreeing 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,listener_2,6,It would be kind of a shoddy universe if a tiny creature like a human could have it all figured out by age 30. Or even 50. Uncertainty is a sign of intelligence imo.,0.4939,positive,surprised 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,7,the more we know the more we realize how much we don't know?,0.0,neutral,questioning 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,listener_2,8,"So it seems. I know less now than a year ago and expect to know even less next year. But the point is to understand the nature of knowledge itself. What is a belief? It's an assumption. And we need assumptions in order to function and survive in this world. But we must not mistake our assumptions for facts because if we do, we stop being able to observe what's going on accurately. We filter our observations according to what we believe and stop modifying our understanding of what's going on as new evidence comes in. And new evidence is always coming in. All knowledge must be harbored tentatively. The ability to observe accurately is too important to compromise. It is what allows us best to respond appropriately to new circumstances. ",0.8361,positive,apprehensive 459,depressed,what to do when feel like everyone else has things figured out and you don't?,speaker,9,yes agree- and these are all great suggestions. thanks so much for sharing! filtering through is critical. ,0.9225,positive,agreeing 460,depressed,I'm being cyberbullied,speaker,1,http://community.wikia.com/wiki/User_blog:Saliohoytia2525/IT_FUCKING_HURTS I know i also did wrong but they did worse shit than me... I'm really depressed right now.... and I feel hopeless... I'm worthless.... I should've been aborted....,-0.9772,negative,annoyed 460,depressed,I'm being cyberbullied,listener_1,2,"Okay, I'm not exactly sure what happened; I opened a few links and skimmed it, but I can't tell who is who. The point is, don't do that. Any of it. Don't have the mindset of, ""I did wrong, but they did worse shit than me."" That is such fucked up thinking. You all did wrong. Period. Own up to it, apologize, and act like a mature and rational person. The internet is not to be taking serious. There are stupid people trolling it daily and also really nice people trying to make the world a better place. Get off the internet for awhile, gather your composure, and move on. Get rid of things that aren't making you happy. You should try to aim to be a better person. maybe join r/decidingtobebetter. Stop holding on to petty internet grudges to people you probably don't know (or you might). Like I said, you all were in the wrong. Doesn't matter who was in the wrong first, two wrongs don't make a right and now you are both at fault. If you were to attack them and they attacked you, it will never end unless someone leaves, but both of you will still have resentment and hate and grudge in your heart. That's just ridiculous. It's not that deep. Apologize. Move on. ",-0.9918,negative,angry 460,depressed,I'm being cyberbullied,speaker,3,I have apologised... They said they forgave me... But they contained and sent me death threats... I know I did wrong.. But I just want this to stop,-0.9398,negative,furious 460,depressed,I'm being cyberbullied,listener_1,4,Well it's on them now. You did the right thing by apologizing. I would block and ignore them. Maybe there's a way you can report it?,-0.5574,negative,suggesting 460,depressed,I'm being cyberbullied,speaker,5,I reported it but the admins said it was allowed when it's not,0.0,neutral,neutral 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,speaker,1,i want donald trump to not be president. thats what i want. this post is horrible and whiney. i have enough trouble managing myself. how can i look out for all the people who will be harmed by him? please dont reply with advice or political opinions. i just need understanding.,-0.8271,negative,questioning 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,listener_1,2,"9 things to think about with your statement. 1. Make an appointment with someone 2. Ask them for help 3. Get through this 4. Agree you can get through this 5. Take your time 6. Read up on something that makes you happy 7. Understand this is not the end 8. Meditate on the goodness of you 9. Protect yourself and not ask others to protect you This presidency is not the end of the America as we know it, it will probably be the end of the PC culture and will for better or worse make some people change how they react to things in the world. They will have to learn to stand up for themselves, and that is a great thing. I have looked at both sides of the past election and there was one side that talked about girl parts and rude guy talk and did business in America, then there was the other side, which is filled a convoluted trail of strange deaths, deceit, and greed. I prefer hurt feelings to death. I am not offering advice, I am just going to say buckle up and get ready to work. Work to make yourself stronger and not worry about what you ""think"" or you ""figure"" or more importantly ""imagine"" will happen now that we have a new president.",0.9062,positive,hopeful 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,speaker,3,that was fucking exactly advice and political opinions. If this is what you think this is about....liberals with hurt feelings...you are not the person capable of supporting me right now.,-0.3987,negative,agreeing 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,listener_2,4,"The first half with the list is decent general advice. But ultimately Trump being president won't mean the end of the world for you. You can't stress over the matters you can't control, and that's one thing we fear - the unpredictability of life. We can plan and work our own lives to prevent a lot of hurt, but pain is part of life, physically, emotionally, etc. Also, the best anyone can give here is advice and guidance so that you can find yourself and know your worth to serve those in your life.",-0.4408,negative,trusting 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,speaker,5,sigh never mind,0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 461,depressed,i cant move too depressed,speaker,6,thank you so much for this succinct supportive reply. it helped calm me a little. i feel alone too.,0.6444,positive,acknowledging 462,depressed,"my old life sucked, and now my new life isnt doing much better",speaker,1,"Before i begin, im 29, Mtf transgender, and a traditional archer, my best friend is trans as well and from the moment we met we became almost a second family. She is smaller than myself, and objectively speaking, prettier. Guys at the bar always go for her first, in addition, she has beautiful talents like dancing and art. My only talents center around violence, and are inherently ugly. I defend her from physical danger and she was to defend me from psychological and emotional trauma; it was supposed to be an ideal arrangement. we both fled the bible belt seeking a safer place to transition, she made the journey by plane, and i drove due to my attachment to my car and bow. While she had a safe and expedient journey, i suffered for a month on the road, resorting to prostitution for food and gas money. Throughout the ordeal i remained positive, not once snapping at her under the tremendous pressures i faced. When i finally made it to the transgender haven of Tacoma, she, her new boyfriend and new roommate refused to lend me shelter for physical and financial recuperation forcing me to spend the next 2 weeks living in my car. No food, water, or makeup to make myself pretty enough for clients, i was destined to die. Im too proud to beg, and too honest to steal, a bad combination when your flat broke in a new city. Through a stroke of luck, a man found me attractive and took me in, he was older and somewhat possessive, but loving enough. I reached out to my best friend for what seemed like months in vain, i was distraught without her in my life. finally, she answered, though she found herself in a troubled situation, and sought aid. Her, being the most important person in my life, including myself, i was more than relieved when the man who took me in allowed her to stay as well. my joy has turned to anguish, he no longer loves me and has turned his affection to her which she readily returns. In addition, they both chastise me at every opportunity, for even the smallest things. the one who was supposed to protect my emotions now strikes blows against it, with full knowledge of its frailty. I would have given my life to save hers, but now i dont know what to do. Im worthless without purpose, or someone to protect. I was tempted today to use my bow against myself, it was awkward, unwieldly and would not have been a clean or quick end",0.9796,positive,jealous 462,depressed,"my old life sucked, and now my new life isnt doing much better",listener_1,2,"Hi there, ok there are lots that I would like to comment but I'll get to the key points. Firstly, I think you are a very kind and have lots of potential and talent within yourself that you are just not looking at or giving yourself credit for. Secondly, the 'best friend' that you say isn't your best friend. She's not even a friend. No friend will ever do that their friend, just like how you would never hurt her feelings or watch her suffer. You need to accept the fact that you two are no longer friends and shouldn't be because she is taking advantage of you emotions, your kindness and your relationship. Once you move away from her, you are able to start looking at yourself and see what you need. If living space is an immediate problem, I would look into LGBTQ community shelters, just try to google it and your city should have something like it. In addition, seek therapy if you can. If it's too expensive, try starting out by using iPrevail, it's an online peer counselling service that is free. I would also recommend you to start really looking within and see what you are good at and what you enjoy doing. Once you figure that out, you can make a plan to see how you can achieve it. You are not just good at violence, you have much more talent than that, everyone does. Perhaps you can use your physical energy to help teach yoga or exercise? If it's possible, try to start with a minimum wage job to get your footing. Go speak to a career counsellor (there usually are free ones) in your community so they can help you with job search and get basic training. Understand that you are the only person that can truly heal and fill the void and pain that you are feeling right now. Other people can support you but you need to be motivated to get better. Also, start creating a support group for yourself, people that actually genuinely cares about your well-being. If it's hard to figure out who's good or not, just ask yourself this, is the way they are treating you is how you would treat them? If it's yes (since you are a caring and loving person), then it usually means they are the right people. To be clear, a friend or significant other need to consistently be there for you not just through happy times but also when you need help the most. If they can't do that for you, then don't waste your time with them because they are not worth it. Remember you can do this, even if you don't feel it right now! All the best! ",0.9988,positive,agreeing 462,depressed,"my old life sucked, and now my new life isnt doing much better",speaker,3,"Thanks ^_~ things got worse, and are still fairly bad, but im confident they can get better. The exboyfriend and exbestfriend, hereafter referred to as The Shitstains, eventually kicked me out into the cold, literally, it was the middle of the night in the middle of winter in Spokane Washington. The sudden loss of housing cost me my new job, but a few kind people have taken me in until im stable enough~ I no longer have any attachment to my exbestfriend, in fact, for her sake she had better stay clear of me, my emotional frailty is no longer an issue, and though im loathe to resort to it, she may find herself treated to a bit of my famously ugly violence once reserved only for our enemies. in addition, my improved outlook has caused me to take better measure of my appearance, and regularly i am called beautiful, gorgeous, etc~ i have not lost my heart though, destitute as i am, what little help i can be to other trans girls i have been, buying clothes, being company etc. thank you for your kind words, part of who i am now is because of them.",0.979,positive,trusting 462,depressed,"my old life sucked, and now my new life isnt doing much better",listener_1,4,"hello, thank you too. I'm very sorry for your experiences but like you said, it's much healthier and happier for you to move on and life your own life. I know it isn't easy at all but it's worth it. I am so proud of you in making changes and believing in yourself! It makes me smile that you see you matter and have value and deserve to be happy! :)",0.9851,positive,sympathizing 463,depressed,"Just a lonely, broken shell.",speaker,1,"Yeah that's me. Ever since I had my heart ripped out by the one and only girl I've ever dated. 2 years ago and it still hasn't gone away, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me because I should be over it by now. I feel like I gave her a piece of me and she literally stole it from me and I've been empty and chronically depressed ever since. I messaged her tonight because I can't take it anymore, I know she won't take me back because I've asked her before, but I still have that false sense of hope. I know I'm a major pussy and loser for being this damn depressed over a girl. I can't help it, I try to forget about her but the pain and sorrow never goes away. I got super close to her and attached, I am a needy co dependent type of person and I hate it, probably due to my mom never hugging or telling she loved me as a child, I have all the symptoms of mother abandonment. So I'll sit here waiting for her reply, which will be rejection, and I'll continue in my misery.",-0.992,negative,sad 463,depressed,"Just a lonely, broken shell.",listener_1,2,"Turn off that phone and go to sleep, you have to move on. Hell, there are people who didn't even got the chance to be loved. Try new stuff and start deleting all traces of her and continued with your life. It may be hard maybe for you with your type of personality, but staying like that, trying to reignite the flames of passion that are already death in her heart, it won't help you at all. ",0.6968,positive,sad 463,depressed,"Just a lonely, broken shell.",speaker,3,"Thanks so much, that really helped ",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 464,depressed,Just need to rant for a sec,speaker,1,"I'm having the worst month of my entire life. I'm predisposed to depression and always on meds regardless of what is going on but the last few weeks have just been too much. It started with my grandma (93) falling and breaking her hip and being put in the hospital on bed rest where she developed a cold and now they're worried about pneumonia. My other grandma (74) is I'm end stage renal failure and was given 3 months to live. My mom found ""countless"" lumps in her breasts because she can't catch a break... She just had a kidney transplant... From which she caught an infection. And icing on the cake, our adoption fell through this weekend and all I want to do is hide in my bed under my covers curled up in a ball and never ever come out again. ",-0.928,negative,devastated 464,depressed,Just need to rant for a sec,listener_1,2,It sounds like you are married. You should talk to your SO about these issues and he or she can comfort you.,0.6124,positive,acknowledging 464,depressed,Just need to rant for a sec,listener_2,3,"If people are coming here instead of to their ""SO,"" there's a reason...",0.0,neutral,neutral 465,depressed,Celexa,speaker,1,Has anyone tried the anti-depressant celexa? What is generic celexa?,0.0,neutral,questioning 465,depressed,Celexa,listener_1,2,Celexa is a very good medicine for depression but it takes your body awhile to get used to it a couple weeks plus so hold on and u will feel better. It is not for anxiety. ,0.6568,positive,neutral 465,depressed,Celexa,listener_2,3,Don't give out this link. It does not require a prescription to purchase from them and we will not endorse self-medicating. ,-0.2411,negative,trusting 466,depressed,Time to go?,speaker,1,Im not sure I can handle life anymore. Im exhausted. but too scared to make the final decision.... please help...,0.1076,positive,apprehensive 466,depressed,Time to go?,listener_1,2,Tell us a little more about what is going on. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 466,depressed,Time to go?,listener_1,3,"Finding a therapist is an excellent step in the right direction. Also, make sure to have some joint appointments with your husband.",0.7184,positive,trusting 467,depressed,I really hate life and I'm not sure what to do,speaker,1,"I really hate my life. This isn't a new feeling, it's been going on for years now. It just seems like a giant series of unfortunate events, and it never seems to get better or easier. I can't remember the last time I was ""happy,"" and for a large portion of my life I really thought every happy person was just faking it to get by. Now I know people really can be happy, I've just never felt that. There's always some dark looming cloud over my life. I'm constantly breaking out which I'm sure is from anxiety. There's times when I feel emotionally healthy and things seem to be looking up, and then bad shit starts happening; it's trained me to just expect things to fall apart and that there's no use being happy about anything because it's just going to go to shit anyway. I live on a small fucking island with a bunch of people who can barely spell and I'm sick of it. I had this big plan to move, and I even sold my house, I felt good for awhile, and now that idea has pretty much passed me by -- What the fuck is the point of even trying to be happy when everything and everyone is against me. First my dad died, and now 2 weeks ago one of the only 2 things left I really cared about passed away as well. I'm so fucking tired of losing everything I care about and I have no one to live life with, but even if I did, she'd just pass away too. I've spent the last 8 years of my life being lied to by women, it's to the point I don't even like them anymore. The next one always talks shit about the previous girls, like they're the one who will be good for you, but in the end they end up just as fucked up as the last. To top it all off, I found something on my person that may be cancerous and the doctor's office keeps calling me to schedule an appointment but I feel like there's no use, if I do have cancer and it kills me I feel like at least I'd be at peace. I've done most things well before my time, 10 years+ earlier than all of my peers.... so what's left? I never found great interest in things by doing it alone, it's always more fun with a friend. But alas, I can't exactly carry on a stimulating conversation with the locals, and the people passing through that I befriend already have partners. The sad thing is, I don't have a problem making friends or finding women who are interested in me, I just never feel the same towards them. I currently have 2 girls contacting me, one because she's considering moving back to the island and wants to reconnect, and the other seems to be on the autistic spectrum, but at least she messages me every day with thoughtful things, tries to cheer me up, and offers to cook for me, which is sort of nice -- but that's how everything is in the beginning, nice. I don't think I'm even capable of having a relationship with anyone anymore because my past experiences have taught me that when you trust, you get hurt. I know my only chance of normalcy & repair is to move off of this fucking island... But I am really just sitting here wondering *why*? So I can give my heart to someone else who's just going to start treating me like a piece of shit? I'm tired of taking chances and being let down; it's not worth it anymore. I'm just legitimately tired of life, it isn't fun, it's a fucking burden. If I could give my life to someone who was terminally ill I would. I've felt that since the day my dad died, why wasn't it me? I'm not the one with a wife who loves me, or kids that depend on me. I'm the one sitting here wondering why I'm even alive. I didn't even know today was Thanksgiving, I didn't have turkey, or ham, or mashed potatoes... What's left of my family is dysfunctional and we barely speak to one another. There was a point in my life where I had so much hope and love to give someone, I just wanted to move away from this place and start a nice life.. I don't feel that anymore. I don't trust women anymore, I don't want to give another one a shot. I don't want to hear that I'll eventually ""find someone."" I've found them, and they've been horrible to me. They've taught me that I'm not worth the truth, and that after year 2 I'm no longer entertaining. I don't know how much depression is warping my reality; but I do know that every time I try to fight it, it always seems to be confirmed that perhaps I shouldn't. ",-0.6613,negative,sad 467,depressed,I really hate life and I'm not sure what to do,listener_1,2,"Hello, there are a lot from your post that I wanted to comment but I'll stick with the more important things. While reading your entire post, it resonate with my past feelings and thoughts a lot and that was just a few months ago. What changed was me finally feeling extremely fed up with how my life was going and how miserable it was that I decided to change it. I went and start therapy, been in it since then. It has helped me immensely. I also start reading self help books, started reddit and watch youtube videos on depression, and my other issues. There are a lot of resources out there to help us when we decide to look. >So I can give my heart to someone else who's just going to start treating me like a piece of shit? You see, the thing I learned and has helped a lot is to realize that the void within us can only be filled by ourselves. That's why I quoted you above. No one can treat us shitty, if we stop treating ourselves shitty. You hating your life and everything around is hurting yourself. You are failing to love yourself and providing yourself with a nurturing environment to have a chance to grow and develop and become happy. I know you don't feel it in you but it really is in you, yourself, that can make things better for yourself. You are an adult and you are responsible for your life and how it turns out now. All your past experiences cannot be changed but it does't mean your future will forever be this way if you choose not to let it happen. But those things aren't going away if you don't really put in the motivation and effort to do it. Really consider going to therapy, as they will give you tools to help you become the better version of yourself and help you see your potential and really learn to use it. You can't change other people, you can't change the world in certain ways but you can change yourself and how you feel. We, humans, have a tendency to dwell on the negative but don't always focus on that. No good will come to it. If you really hate where you are, move. Yes you might say there's no point, but if you are really fedup, like I was, then you would and will move. Also, understand that life will be rough from time to time and shitty things will happen. The difference is, when that happens, you are better and more able to deal with those things. The the key thing here is understand that if you cannot have a good relationship with yourself, it's not possible to have a good relationship with others. If you need others to be part of your life, then you need to learn to life with who you are first and learn to love yourself, to discover yourself, to figure what you enjoy and not enjoy doing, and do them. Your path to your happiness starts with you, no others. ",0.9713,positive,sentimental 467,depressed,I really hate life and I'm not sure what to do,speaker,3,"Thanks for the response. I am very content by myself, I have been ""alone"" for the majority of my life, and preferred it that way for awhile. The issue I face now is that I am not happy with the same old life routine, and whenever I try to change it I feel like I just shoot myself in the foot. I do care about myself and that's *why* I am unhappy. I feel like every time I try to save myself life is like, ""nope, not today!"" I do not live in an area that is healthy or good for my development. All of my friends have moved away because they'd experienced the same feelings while they were living here. I know the only way to save myself from feeling like shit is to move. I've sold my house in order to move, so it isn't like I'm all talk and no action, I know moving is my only hope. I don't need a girl to be happy, I have been happy absent of relationships. Just at a point in life where it is very clear to me that life would be easier and more fulfilling with someone who cared about me, so I took a chance at trying to open my heart to someone. And that was the point of my referencing this in my first post: It was another example at how I tried to give positivity a chance and it backfired. I am not one of those people who think they need a girl to be happy, that's all bull shit. People should be able to function by themselves, you can't rely on another person to make you happy. But when you are content alone and then let someone into an intimate part of yourself, and then you realize that maybe they are being dishonest in some ways, well, it hurts. Makes you sad. Makes you depressed. It happens. Essentially, sitting here living in this shit-hole of a state wasting my youth away is frustrating to me, and I feel like I have failed myself. Life is short and I want to enjoy it, preferably with a girl. As of now, I have no idea where I'll move. Still trying to figure that one out, I just know it's the best idea that is a doorway to a healthy future. In the meantime, my battle is trying to deal with the negative people in my current situation but it's taking it's toll on me and I'm not sure how much patience I have in me before I just blow up. This is my big mountain right now -- trying to stay calm in the midst of absolute stupidity.",-0.7859999999999999,negative,lonely 467,depressed,I really hate life and I'm not sure what to do,listener_2,4,"you've been leaving very genuine, helpful well thought out responses that show you read what people wrote and try to empathize. Thank you for your presence in this subreddit. ",0.7871,positive,neutral 467,depressed,I really hate life and I'm not sure what to do,listener_1,5,"Thank you, that is very kind of you. I'm glad that I am able to contribute somewhat, even a little because I've been there and sometimes still there. It's important to me to do what I can to help. Thanks again. :) ",0.9313,positive,grateful 468,depressed,Loneliness,speaker,1,"I don't know what to do. I have only one real friend that is so intelligent and smart who cares about his education and really wants to do well in school. He lives in the same town as me, we go to different schools but we mainly talk online. I talk to others but not enough to consider them real friends. If I have a problem or issue I talk to this friend. The only issue is I don't have his desire for doing well in education, I just don't feel the need for working towards a future that is so unknown to me. He will go on to uni at some point and we will stop talking online. We usually talk everyday online but once that stops I have no one. I will have no one to turn to. I don't even talk to my parents much and I'm really in such a shit state because I know that there will be a day when he will go off and do good things which I don't want to prevent him from doing but once he's gone I'm all on my own. When I'm alone is when I'm mostly depressed anyway and that's usually on a temporary basis. Once it turns permanent, I'm am so fucking scared and worried for what will happen to me and I don't know what to do about it.",-0.9348,negative,lonely 468,depressed,Loneliness,listener_1,2,"I feel you. I struggle with making friends now. Join a club? I tried a running club and met a good friend pretty soon after I started attending. I am not good in groups and am shy but pushed through it for the few hours I was there. Try meet up, they have tons of different groups where you can meet new people. It's scary to start but it's possible. ",-0.0908,negative,apprehensive 468,depressed,Loneliness,speaker,3,"Maybe, I really want to get out there and do stuff to make me more active however my confidence is so shit. Every time someone tries to talk to me in person my face turns red and I start sweating buckets. I always feel so pressured and judged by everyone other than that friend. I can say anything in front of my friend and he couldn't careless about what I say however if it was someone I meet in the street my body just sub-consciously rejects the conversation. ",0.7015,positive,embarrassed 468,depressed,Loneliness,speaker,4,I want to pursue photography/film so that would certainly be an option to take at a college.,0.4522,positive,agreeing 468,depressed,Loneliness,listener_2,5,"The key is finding something you are passionate about doing well in, so that's definitely a place to start. ",0.8166,positive,agreeing 468,depressed,Loneliness,speaker,6,Thanks c:,0.4404,positive,wishing 469,depressed,Going to flunk out of college....,speaker,1,It's junior college and I was just another semester away from being able to get my Associates degree. Now though I know I am going to flunk out. Is there even a point to keep trying at life when I am doing so bad at it right now? No one flunks out of junior college and I don't have any future in having a career outside of fast food service. It's not like I can get back into school next Fall with my GPA. Do I have any future or should I start planning on how to end it?,-0.8454,negative,sad 469,depressed,Going to flunk out of college....,listener_1,2,"Why so you just 'know' you're going to fail junior college, you can't unless you get to the end, is the workload just too much? ",-0.5423,negative,questioning 469,depressed,Going to flunk out of college....,speaker,3,"Its not so much the amount of school work. Its everything. I've posted some in other posts. So you can read more to get the general idea. But in short, my job has been bouncing me around from location to location since the first week I started back at school. At this new location the pay is horrible as well as the hours. My dog has been battling cancer since the middle of this past summer and just had a leg amputated because of it. My depression has been on a rollercoaster with all this as well as school. This just has not been a good time and my how has taken a big hit. On yeah, did I mention I lost my financial aid because of multiple crises in my life resulting in me not being able to keep my grades up? I have no positive future with all that has been happening. This isn't even the half of it. ",-0.975,negative,sad 469,depressed,Going to flunk out of college....,speaker,4,"Thanks, but with my current job situation I can't even get enough hours to pay the bills. I went from making decent hourly pay and awesome tips and hours to making the opposite. My average paycheck is now barely better than when I started off at my first job getting just 15 hours a week at minimum wage. I used to make so much more and was able to save a good bit of my check and live off of my tips most weeks. Now I can barely afford the basics like gas and groceries without help from family. I feel like this won't get any better and I don't know what to do. I don't have enough experience to even get an interview at any half way decent restaurant with only less than a year exp. Do you have any recommendations on what I can",0.961,positive,grateful 469,depressed,Going to flunk out of college....,listener_2,5,I hear UPS pays good wages. ,0.4404,positive,impressed 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,speaker,1,But I dealt with depression and anxiety since I was in high school but just this month is the worst even with my meds I just been crying everyday and always wanting to rather sleep than enjoy the day my mother in law is giving me a hard time ever since Thanksgiving and that's the main factor I just don't know what to do anymore only going to work is a way to escape :(,-0.9313,negative,sad 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,listener_1,2,"I think you should speak to your mother about this in a professional way, what is she giving you a hard time about?",0.25,positive,suggesting 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,speaker,3,Well it's my husband's mom I chose to visit his dad for Thanksgiving instead of her she was very butt hurt and said some awful things to me ,-0.6786,negative,sad 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,speaker,4,I can try at the kitsap humane society but it's hard when my retail job is giving me overtime,0.3612,positive,caring 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,listener_2,5,"Yeah, giving up extra money is hard, but your mental health is more important. Do you have any favorite ways to be active? Biking outside, yoga, crossfit, jogging, nature walks? Maybe try one of these things if you never have. I'm in a bad way right now and I'm forcing myself to try new gyms and go back to my running group. I'm really non confrontational so can't suggest what to do about your MIL. I think you need to help yourself out of this funk a little before you try to rationally deal with it anyway. That's just coming from how terrible I am with confrontation when I'm already sad/depressed. ",-0.2933,negative,suggesting 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,speaker,6,I hella suck at running ,-0.4927,negative,ashamed 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,listener_2,7,"Yeah, I do too. You don't have to do that. I was just giving a list of suggestions. Have you tried yoga?",0.5574,positive,agreeing 470,depressed,Been depressed since the holidays started,speaker,8,I did Tai-chi before:),0.0,neutral,neutral 471,depressed,I live in a hoarder house and I need to get out asap!,speaker,1,"I (F/22) I am currently looking for work and live with my dad. I have been living in this mess for about 9 years now. Apartment is covered with old carpet. Bad isolation, it's cold in the winter. There is no fan in the bathroom. There is mold on the ceiling in the bathroom & living room. Pain is peeling everywhere. Lots of dust and dirt everywhere. No workspace to cook in the kitchen. Sink always full of dirty dishes, table full of crap (you have to toss thing away with your arm in order to find a space to eat). Although we have food in the fridge, it's often filled with rotten food. Living room is not livable either. We have about 6 bicycles in the living room (2 hangs on the wall) and 4 on the ground. I can't even relax in my own home. Everywhere I look there is somethingin the way. I'm looking for work at the moment and I find it so diffcult to concentrate with all those shit around me. I can't even cook at my dad's place. I've tried once and it's basically impossible. I have no where to go, my mom doesn't want me to live with her and I don't have money for collocation. I am stuck in here and some days I just want to die. And once I get a job, all I want is to get the fuck out of my dad's place. Problem is, he's in his fifties and he doesn't have a penny saved for his retirement. I really want to get my own flat but at the same time I don't want to leave him in this crap. I want to buy him a house so he has a decent life quality. But to do that, I'll have to go back on the job market, working 9-5, which means I won't be able to go to uni. I really want to do my degree like most of my friends are doing. I am a very intelligent person and I really want to study! I miss going to school and feel so alone! I can never invite people over because I am so ashamed of where I live. I am so stuck in this and even though I love my dad so much, I resent him for making us live in this shithole. I very behind people my age because of this. People judge me because I don't have a degree. They think I'm lazy, but in truth, I have to choose work over studies simply to get out of here.",-0.9618,negative,disgusted 471,depressed,I live in a hoarder house and I need to get out asap!,listener_1,2," Sounds like you have a big heart, what do you want to get your degree in? Where you from? ",0.8105,positive,questioning 471,depressed,I live in a hoarder house and I need to get out asap!,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your reply VintageBittune. It's really mich appreciated. I'm actually from Canada though, but thanks for sending out the link!",0.8009999999999999,positive,wishing 471,depressed,I live in a hoarder house and I need to get out asap!,speaker,4,"Thank so much ejmarsha, I'm from Canada & you? Well I'm not too sure yet regarding my degree! Maybe in marketing or business or psychology :)",0.7123,positive,suggesting 471,depressed,I live in a hoarder house and I need to get out asap!,listener_1,5,"Those are good programs. Have you looked into financial aid for schooling? I'm from Michigan. Currently I'm looking for a job in mechanical engineering. My dad and uncle have a dairy farm. I do have distant family in Canada. I went to school in the upper michigan, Michigan Technological University. ",0.4404,positive,questioning 472,depressed,Stuck,speaker,1,You're drowning. You're stuck in the deepest darkest trenches and you can't get out. No matter what you do. No matter how many smiles you force or laughs you fake.,-0.2842,negative,terrified 472,depressed,Stuck,listener_1,2,Yes... lost in the seemingly endless pit of my own mind. My own abyss. 'How conceited' I think... but is there anyone else down here? ,0.0516,positive,lonely 472,depressed,Stuck,speaker,3,Is it even worth trying to escape?,0.3818,positive,questioning 472,depressed,Stuck,listener_1,4,It has to be. Would we be put here for any other purpose?!,0.0,neutral,questioning 472,depressed,Stuck,speaker,5,"True true, just can't let my mind defeat me.",0.3818,positive,neutral 473,depressed,Lazy,speaker,1,"I haven't left my bed all day. Only to use the bathroom and go eat, once. But there's nothing else for me to do.",0.0,neutral,content 473,depressed,Lazy,listener_1,2,"same here, sad day. not lazy. sick.",0.1808,positive,agreeing 473,depressed,Lazy,speaker,3,"I wish I had an excuse, but nothing other than lack of things to do",0.5335,positive,ashamed 473,depressed,Lazy,listener_2,4,I listen to music and watching shows but that's ALL I do. I'm going to kill myself ,-0.8201,negative,ashamed 474,depressed,"help, I'm really depressed because of my uni tuition",speaker,1,"Today is my uni due date for tuition payment, and my dad seems haven't found any way to pay it. And my uni websites mentioned that if i pay later than today i have to miss this semester. Before this they usually just charged extra cash, but looks like they got a new procedure. I'm on my final year and next semester i have to take pre-production for my last assignment. I got really depressed by this knowing if i have to take off this semester, i can't stand the feeling if i have to took more time to graduate by my friends (and my classmates. We only got one class for my division concentration) I'm also depressed thinking that my dad is way more burdened than me. My heart been beating really fast, and i can feel my ear is warmer than usual. just thinking of it makes me cry if i don't hold up my tears. Please help, i don't know how to deal with this, i will really appreciate your thoughts. Notes: I'm asian, so i think uni loan is not possible in my case. Also sorry for my bad English.",-0.7091,negative,sad 474,depressed,"help, I'm really depressed because of my uni tuition",listener_1,2,"hi there, i'm sorry you are going through this right now. I understand how tough it can be knowing that you might be taken in a different life path than you had hoped to take. Here are some immediate things that you can look into to see if you can manage to pay for your tuition, look into bursaries, perhaps ask a bank to see if you borrow some money? I don';t think you being asian will prevent you from getting a uni loan, unless you are saying you are an international student. Speak to your school's either program advisor or student advisor or student aid and tell them what you are going through and ask if they might have an solutions. And other methods in preventing from this the future is trying to maybe get a part-time job if you can (especially over the summer) to save money for tuition. You can also participate in certain research studies at your uni which will give you some participation cash, although that is rare. And lastly, I understand how graduating with your classmates is important to you and meaningful but you know, what you will learn from life is that sometimes it doesn't go the way that you want to and that is ok. It's also normal. It's how you decide to face that change that is important. You are still very young and it's the perfect time to learn. While it certainly is emotionally draining to be so close to graduation and yet perhaps you might have to delay but if you think of it from a grand perspective, being delayed for a semester or even a year really isn't a big deal when compared to the rest of your life. No employer will care too much about that. A lot of people actually take extra time in uni so they can have time to do other things they enjoy or because they have other responsibilities to take care. A lot even take part-time studies. At the moment, cry and mourn if you need because this is difficult but at the same time, understand that if there really isn't an immediate solution, it's ok. Life will go on and things will work out in the end. There is nothing that you won't be able to deal with if you believe you can. And this is one of the moments in life where you can prove that you can manage the unexpected. It will make you a stronger and more mature person in the end. ",0.964,positive,sympathizing 474,depressed,"help, I'm really depressed because of my uni tuition",speaker,3,"Thankyou so much for your response, i'm now trying to owe money from my friends, and i think some of them are willing to help me. In my country since I'm unemployed i won't be able to loan anything. I also been through this before and my uni is not really helping, they don't really care about my problem, they just give me procedure and pass me to a person to another, it's really drain my emotions and physical. But my father said he gonna talk to the high upper, my father have a connection in there but i can't be sure about the outcome. But what you said really makes me think that this is really a small part in my life, and if i really have to take this semester off i will try to get a part time and trying stuff that i haven't able to try. Even tho im in South East Asia so i don't have seasons in here so summer part time is impossible, but i will try to do my best. Your reply really give me positive vibe and another way of thinking so i can't thank you enough :)",0.9036,positive,grateful 474,depressed,"help, I'm really depressed because of my uni tuition",listener_1,4,> if i really have to take this semester off i will try to get a part time and trying stuff that i haven't able to try That is the best attitude. I can tell you are a smart person because you learn very quickly! It's great that I am able to help you think differently. Sometimes we just need a little nudge from others to see things more clearly. All the best and I am certain you will do well! Cheers :),0.9849,positive,wishing 474,depressed,"help, I'm really depressed because of my uni tuition",speaker,5,"Thankyou for your support and kind reply, really :)",0.8553,positive,wishing 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,speaker,1,"This is embarrassing and personal to write so I made a throwaway. I am sort of new to reddit so if this belongs in another category please let me know. I am a 20 year old girl, but I feel like a teenager still. I've barely had time to emotionally grow. I haven't moved out of my mom's house or even learned to drive on city roads (though I do practice on country roads) My story, I grew up with no father and a very abusive mother, she would throw me and my sister against walls, call us bitches and whores over small things. Over my entire childhood I was only allowed to go to my friend's houses 2 times. Every single weekend of my life I had to stay home and wash mom's truck or do something for mom. I cannot rememebr one sacrifice she has made for her kids. My mom has got like this.. really crazy side and a completely normal side to her. I hate her guts. She has ruined my life. There's this huge disconnect to how she sees herself and how she really is. Like, if someone were to tell her she is abusive she would be shocked. But if I talk about my crazy mom I could fill up a book so the bottom line is, she treated my sister and I like shit, while also being a normal mom half the time. I still care about her, but I hate her guts. I was always the favorite child despite the abuse, so my sister got the even worse end of it. I actually feel sorry for her. My mom used to ask her why she couldnt be like me. Well my mom kicked her out of the house when she was 17 due to bad grades and she was forced to live with relatives in another state. So she made it out. They put her through college, got her a car and everything. she is 24 now. Our relationship is strained but we talk a few times a year. She resents me alot for our childhood, and has turned that side of the family against me with her lies, so they shun me. (for reasons I literally do not know. My sister is a narc or something.) Once my sister was out of the house, my mother focused all her evil on me. Suddenly I was the reason for all her life's problems. She called me every name you could possibly think of. Her negativity begin to have an effect on me. When I was around 17 I begin to fight back with her, actually called her a bitch before (she punched me in the nose when I said that) in front of my cousin, so she witnessed it. When I begin talking back to her , our relationship fell apart completely. Actually the other day, her and I were fighting and I said I hated her and she said ""to think that you were my favorite and I coddled you. I should have chose your sister instead."" .. isn't that insane. She chose me to coddle, as she calls it, and chose my sister to treat like shit? I am 20 now, I dropped out of school at 16 to be ""homeschooled"" at my mom's suggestion. My grades were actually terrible anyway, When I was on ADHD medicine I made straight A's, but my mom stopped making appointments so my grades went to all F's and D's. I didn't mind dropping out. I wasn't homeschooled tho. She needed me to help her work on the land that she had bought. It sounded like a dream to me, and was at first. Noo school! (weird cause she kicked my sister out for getting bad grades) Also, I went to my bestfriend's house alot when I was 17, I spent so much time at her house but we are not friends anymore because her boyfriend and his friends raped me when she was drunk, (that is how I lost my v-card, by being gangraped against my will) and she blamed me for it by saying I shouldnt have went to the party if I didn't want to have sex. We had a big falling out and havent spoken since I was 18. I haven't had another bestfriend. I told my mom about my rape incident and she was very supportive and took me to a health clinic at the time. The way I earned money, I would clean construction houses with my mom, odd jobs like that. make like, 200 dollars each per house, so not bad money. Whenever I would bring up getting my license or something my mom would (a. talk over me (b. tell me to stop stressing her out. (c. turn up the radio and begin singing ect. She is a nightmare to get in a fight with, so I'd rather shutup then get her bitching. I am 20 now and have done nothing for my future. Basically I'm not allowed to talk about my future and I'm my mom's slave. We have had falling outs a few times over the years and I have moved in with my aunt for about 2 months at a time. When I do this my mom becomes super nice and begs me to move back and eventually I do. I feel like a kid being passed from house to house. I worked at mcdonalds for a small period of time until my mom said it was too far away to drive me everyday (about 20 mins) and to be fair I was relieved she asked me to quit, it gave me an excuse to do nothing. My sister hasn't talked to my mom in like 7 years and I don't blame her. If I hate my mom, imagine how my sister feels? When we were little my mom would tell me my sister had an evil spirit in her and told me to pray for her (right in front of my sister). I now realize how emotionally abusive this would be to a child. The pros of living with mom: no bills, sit on the internet all day, eat what I want, lots of land and animals. Kind of cool. I love animals. Cons: living with someone who I literally hate to the core. Treats me like i'm her ornament. She still hits me like she did when I was growing up. I'm TRAPPED. I want to get out. If I could move in with some random freaking person off the internet who would let me find a job while I live with them I would in a heartbeat. I don't care WHO it is. I have no car, no work experience besides cleaning, no license, where do I start? I don't even have someone to TAKE me to driver's ED! I do have an ID card though that I snuck and got last year. If you don't think I take responsibility for where i'm at, I fully do. I feel like complete SHIT. I should have began worrying about these problems at 18 instead of now. But my mom has made promises she didn't keep. For instance, she is a landlord so doesn't have to work. This last year we have been remodeling this trailer so she can rent it out, the whole time we were working on it my mom is like ""the sooner we get done, I'm going to get you a trailer that you can rent out"" you know, to start my future. She said either the one we were working on would be mine or she will buy another one right away. We got done remodeling the trailer last week and suddenly she pretends she never made these promises. She has no conscious! Mothers are supposed to care about their kids' future! I am dying inside and I can't stay here anymore. I can't base my life on my mom's promises. If she won't let me have a *conversation* about my future, why did I expect her to help me out? Over the years, my mom has had the same on and off boyfriend, so I call him my stepdad since I've known him since I was like 7. They get in vicous fights, he steals money from me and my mom and gambles it away, I have to hide my money and when he steals it mom blames me for not hiding it well enough. its SO dysfunctional but thats another whole story. He's tried to sleep with me a few times over the years. I told mom, but nothing came of it. She believes me and everything but we ""still need him to do work"" and she ""hates him too, so she can understand how I feel"". So he's not her boyfriend I guess, more like a friend that she sleeps with? I dont freaking know but hes' family to me now. well, after I realized mom wasn't going to get me a trailer, I made plans with my stepdad last week to move in with him into his trailer and he will help me get a license and job. I am scared. You think I want to move in with this pervert? I have a sick stomach with worry I'd rather stay here in my room and play on the internet. My mom keeps telling me I shouldnt leave and I dont WANT to but this is my only olive branch! Ironically, he cares more about my future than my own mom I guess. My bags are packed and I'm moving in with him tommorrow. My life is a mess. I often want to die rather than face the unknown or live with my stepdad. I'm scared. But I will kill myself if I stay here for another year. Thanks for letting me rant. Any advice is welcomed please. ",-0.9991,negative,ashamed 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,listener_1,2,"I am very glad that you have posted and talked about your life. Please know that there are people out there that will care for you and your well-being, genuinely. There are other things that I want to comment but I'm going to comment on this first because it struck me as a hug red flag. > I made plans with my stepdad last week to move in with him into his trailer and he will help me get a license and job I understand you are an adult now and no one can or should make you do anything that you don't want to. But I would like to share my 2 cents regarding this. From my perspective, I don't think for a second that it's a good idea for you to move in with your stepfather. You said you have witness how they get into vicious fights and he also wanted to sleep with you. He sounds like a horrible person. No 'stepfather' should try to sleep with their stepdaughters, ever. He has definitely crossed the line. And him getting into vicious fights means he also has a really bad temper and very dysfunctional way of dealing with conflicts. From my perspective, I really don't think moving in with him will be a good idea for you and your future. Here is some things that you need to think about and I will be very direct here. Given he already has the intent to sleep with you, are you ready to do that with him once you are moved in? What if he forces himself on you? Does he really care about your future more than your mother or is he just lying so he can get you to move in with him? Aside from you family, relatives or stepfather, know that in your community, there are women shelters. That is a much safer place for you to move into than with him. Yes, you do need to leave your mother because she has hindered your development enough but going with your stepfather isn't the solution either. Google women's shelter or women's hospice in your community and plan to move there. Through those agencies, they will have therapists that will help you manage your traumas and abuse. Please look into this more before you officially decide to move in with him. I can definitely talk to you more about this if you'd like. Moving on to other things. I think it's great that you are thinking of a way out so you can finally start living your life. Seeking therapy is very important because you have gone through so much trauma and pain, you need someone to be able to hear you out and help you understand what self love is, how your experiences has affected you as a person and your views of the world and how you can overcome this. But make sure you find a therapist that specializes in PTSD, depression, child abuse, abuse, and attachment theory. Next is, if you google online resources with those terms above, you will also understand yourself better and what you can do in the meantime to help yourself. Please also know that aside from this subreddit, there is also 2 more that I think would benefit for you, they are 'raised by narcissist' and 'adultsurvivors.' >lots of land and animals. Kind of cool. I love animals. As for your future, I think from your entire post, this is the part that shines the light in your life. If you love animals, you can try to volunteer for an animal shelter. You'll meet great people there and you might even want to have a career in that field. Know that you are a brave, smart, hard working girl and you deserve to be loved and cherished, just like anyone else. Know that how you were raised and treated is wrong and you did not deserve any of it. While you go to the shelter or therapy, you can ask for support groups too because in there you'll find lots of people that are going through what you are going through. It will give you a sense of community and support that you've never had in your life. If my advice could be a one liner, I would tell you to look into a women's shelter, move in there and speak to the volunteers there because they are their to help people like you to get back up on your feet and live your deserving happy life. ",0.9972,positive,trusting 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,speaker,3,"Thank you SO much. You have brought up things to me I honestly haven't thought of- I mean, iv'e heard of women's shelters but I didn't even think of that. That seems like a viable option right now. I just reread my post and it is a jumble of subjects all out of order haha. I'm bad with order. Your reply makes me feel cared about.. Thank you for reading it all and giving it serious thought. ",0.9306,positive,grateful 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,speaker,4,I can even look up the address to the women's shelter and hire an uber to drive me there. There are options for me- just not dignified ones. But I must start somewhere. ,-0.2057,negative,apprehensive 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,listener_1,5,"you are very welcome and it's great to hear from you, as I was quite concerned for you and your well-being. I'm glad you see the shelter as a viable place. It'll be hard still but it's the safest option for you right now. Take this time to find resources to help yourself. Focus on getting better, and you'll know what you need to do. I think going into support group therapy will be good for you, as a way to develop genuine, caring and understanding relationships with people that have similar experiences as you. ",0.982,positive,acknowledging 475,depressed,About to be forced out of my comfort zone and I'm scared.,listener_2,6,I'm just a concerned bystander who agrees with blujas' amazing advice. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and hope you are safer and happier. I just wanted to let you know that another random person (myself) supports and believes in you. ,0.9779,positive,caring 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,speaker,1,"I have major depression and social anxiety disorder and I just thought of a way to explain it to others. Depression causes you to have to load Photoshop in social settings, and anxiety comes from the fact that it takes so long to load. ",-0.9152,negative,anxious 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,listener_1,2,"In my experience it's more or less a matter of needing someone to help you with your depression, but not being able to ask anyone because of social anxiety.",-0.3898,negative,lonely 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,speaker,3,"For the last 8 years. And thank you, I agree with you. Once that uncomfortable feeling turns to constant dread, the next phase is being completely unable to understand how other people can feel anything positive. You become so forcibly wrapped up in anxiety and depression that you start to really hate yourself. You hate yourself because you come to the realization that the person you see looking back at you in the mirror is broken and diseased, and there's not a god damn thing you can do to fix it. Then after swimming in that new pool of self hatred for a while you decide to end your life, but people that love you reach out and save your life, even though at this point you could never love anything the way that others love you. And that stage is where I have been for the better part of this year. ",0.8633,positive,sad 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,listener_2,4,"I've alienated or lost everyone. I have two remaining family members who are mostly indifferent to my existence. Two sweet large dogs are the creatures who help me continue living at this point. I go weeks without seeing another of my kind. It's my own fault for isolating myself more and more over the years. I've been dealing with major depression for about 40 years. I hope medical technology improves radically in the next few years and they actually find something that helps people with major depression. So far, nothing has helped me much.",0.3847,positive,lonely 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,speaker,5,"I'm really sorry that you're in this situation, it sounds like you are older than me(22), my psychiatrist recently ""prescribed"" me a therapy dog to address the loneliness and ptsd, as well as fighting isolation. I do hope that the medical community finds a more sound way to help people like you and I. Honestly the only thing that I feel any passion for is making sure that no one else feels this way. ",0.8484,positive,sympathizing 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,listener_2,6,"Dogs are great natural therapists. They make you go out and walk even when you don't have it in you to self-motivate. For people with major depression this can literally be a life saver. As someone with depression and social anxiety, few things have been more healing than dogs in my life. Dogs are hyper-social and facilitate low-stress socialization for their humans by introducing them to their dog friends' humans on neutral territory under very casual circumstances. Dog people are notoriously easy to talk to since they are usually content to talk almost exclusively about their dogs. Someone sensitive enough to have a meaningful relationship to a creature of another species will be a better bet for socialization as well. My social anxiety was radically healed over a 2-year period when I was escorted, sad and unwilling but compliant, to the same dog-park twice a day every day by 2 exceptionally therapeutic dogs. During that time, in spite of a very deep state of depression, I met over 100 dog people who were all nice to me and easy to chat with. Few things could've helped me in a more gentle way than these simple interactions with nothing to gain or lose. It was transformative like nothing else in my entire previous experience - that daily interaction at the dog park. ",0.1594,positive,caring 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,listener_3,7,What happens if you're allergic to pet hair like me?,0.0772,positive,questioning 476,depressed,Understanding Depression with Social Anxiety,listener_2,8,"You're probably allergic to dander rather than hair. There are some breeds, like Poodles, that many allergic people don't have a problem with. There are also a few, albeit hideous, hairless breeds you might be able to convince yourself to like.",0.5938,positive,disgusted 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,1,"I'm having some issues in my life.My parents won't let me do outdoor sports like jogging,football etc.When I ask them why they said it's easy to get hurt.So my only entertainment now is video games.But what they do is limit my game time to maximum 6 hours a week and they said I'm addicted and doing it for my health's sake.So I told them since it's for my health's sake why don't let me do outdoor sports.And all they do is tell me to go back to my room and think about myself.I feel like I'm dying day by day.I just want to be happy,by doing sports and video games.So all I want is either allowance to do sports or more video game time.I'm so depressed so any ideas to persuade my parents?",0.7235,positive,annoyed 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,2,Sorry for the long post ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,3,"Hey friend I'm sorry to hear that but I'm glad reading helps you out.I know book will help me,but in my country books are normally imported from other countries and is very very expensive.Also I'm not from a rich family my dad's salary is barely enough for food and drinks.I tried reading e-books but my parent's just don't let me facing the computer and phone because they said it's not good for our eyes.Thanks for the comment my friend",0.8808,positive,sympathizing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,listener_1,4,"I agree with iman_313. Reading helps. you can either go to the library and read books or really try and convince your parents about extending your computer usage time for ebooks etc. Say something that ebooks will improve your mental health and help your independent learning. Facing the computer screen doesn't destroy your eyes that much. What matters is that the brightness of the screen isn't too high and that the room you're in isn't too dark. On the going out issue you can either start small say you're just walking and if nothing happens to you, great. It proves you can take care of yourself to your parents. Then they may reconsider. Alternatively say you're playing or exercising with your friends so they know if you do get hurt your friends will take care of you. Hope everything goes well for you! Good Luck. ",0.9911,positive,agreeing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,5,Hey man thanks for your info about how facing computer will not destroy my eyes.And also about the going out thing I will tell my parents what you told me.Thank you so much you might make my life better!I will try them tonight.,0.722,positive,wishing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,listener_1,6,> n thanks for your info about how facing computer will not destroy my eyes.And also about the going out thing I will tell my parents what you told me.Thank you so much you Good luck! Respond back with the results later,0.9043,positive,wishing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,7,Well I tried everything and they are so mad. I've never seen them that angry before.Why they force me not to do something I want!!!!,-0.8011,negative,angry 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,8,Sorry man I can't make it because my father didn't manage to come home due to work.I need to persuade when both me parents are there.I will try tomorrow.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,9,"Hi friend I actually tried to list put the benefits of doing sports.But it doesn't work.To be honest,my sister had break her limbs twice while doing sports.So no matter what I said,they won't allow me to do so.But anyways thank you so so much for your advise and hope you have a great day!",0.9307,positive,wishing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,listener_1,10,What was their argument if you don't mind? If it's not genuine they must be really strict parents,-0.3612,negative,questioning 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,11,"Firstly I request them for doing sports with friends,tell them the benefits such as teamwork and can decrease chance and getting certain cancer,but they said accidents can still happen even with friends.So the more screen time they said that people nowadays can't live long cuz technology like smartphones and computers like Steve Jobs.When I tried to say more,father just say :it's good for you,trust me ok?And their face looked so so mad like I never seen them b4.I guess I don't have a choice because I'm their child?",0.8496,positive,angry 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,listener_1,12,"in the sports request are they worried about you getting physical injured or is they another reason like you live in a dangerous neighborhood known for kidnapping? for screen time i dont know what to say. I mean you are not addicted, correct? Do they think computers and smartphones give cancer or something because they do not. At max using the computer can give you back problems and eye sore but this can be prevented and controlled with good posture and not spending too much time in front of the computer(which you will do hopefully). Quick question how old are you? if you`re less than 12-13. I guess it is understandable that they limit your computer time. However they should not limit you from going out and having fun and doing sport. It is essential for physical health but it also plays a role in mental health as well. if you have any arguments to go against them with, i suggest you wait awhile and let the tension boil down a bit. ",0.7808,positive,questioning 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,13,"First of all,in my neighborhood no kidnap case has been happen so far,and yes I'm sure they are afraid of me getting injured physically because my sister broke her limbs twice within a year.I'm not addicted,I'm 16 and I got neck problems even before I touch smartphones and computers,because when I was 8 I'm already 148cm.The problems were treated by interacting with some sort of device by the doctor.It seems like they afraid I will having them again?They are still mad,when things are cool I will keep you updated.Thank you for everything.",-0.4627,negative,afraid 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,14,Yea I should definitely see the counselor at school but right now I'm having 1-month school holiday so i still can't see the counselor yet,0.6597,positive,agreeing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,listener_2,15,"In the meantime, plan out all the points you want to make sure to tell the counselor. Write down a list and bring it with. It really helps because often when we are in the moment when it's time to talk, we forget all we wanted to say. ",0.5563,positive,prepared 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,16,I will write them down on a notebook in a point form so i can tell those things to the counselor.Thank you,0.0,neutral,wishing 477,depressed,I'm depressed and need serious help.,speaker,17,"Now I'm having school holidays so I can't do things in school.Yes your idea is great I actually was a debate team in school but it's too less people debating so my school cancel that activity. I agree that american football is too dangerous because it's easy to get hurt.You're doing great,at least for me",0.5274,positive,agreeing 478,depressed,Many posts go unnoticed and make people feel worse,speaker,1,"I'm not saying that this happens in this particular sub Reddit but I have noticed that many people who post on many related mental health sub Reddit aren't noticed and may get no response at all. I for one have experienced this for example the other day I was so down that I posted in /r/depression and only one person came to my aid. Even though a little goes a long way this in my opinion is not good enough for the people who need help the most. Imagine yourself under the pressure of everything happening around you and nobody comes and helps you. It's a horrible feeling and sometimes telling strangers in the Internet is better than telling someone at home or they might not even have anyone close at all. Just think about others, I'm not blaming this sub Reddit at all but if you see someone with a post that was posted for hours and still has no response, check up on them. I know I'm guilty for not doing this at all times but I do try.",-0.6081,negative,lonely 478,depressed,Many posts go unnoticed and make people feel worse,listener_1,2,"I think Reddit is in general terrible sugar-free substitute for human interaction. Compare for example 4chan, where, even if unhealthy behaviors and beliefs of all sorts are the cultural norm, one can find a kind of escape in anonymity and participation in the hivemind; or tumblr, where one is still oversharing into a void, but after a few months or years one can find oneself surrounded by similar weirdos.",-0.6904,negative,lonely 478,depressed,Many posts go unnoticed and make people feel worse,speaker,3,"Ever heard of secondary Reddit accounts? I don't have to explain myself to you and what I do with my account and the fact that you searched through my comments like you have the right. People agree with what I said and it's right, and what exactly do you know at all? ",0.6553,positive,trusting 478,depressed,Many posts go unnoticed and make people feel worse,listener_2,4,"I have the right to search through comments, not only because I am a mod but because they are public. And I'm going to check them based on what you posted. What I know is that I spend every day on here reading posts, comments, and helping people when I can and don't need useless posts like yours accusing everyone else of something you are guilty of yourself. I also know who are regular commentors and you are not one of them, secondary account or not. If you don't like it, don't come here. Or I could help you with that.... Along those lines, yes you do have to explain yourself to me and what you do with your account when you make a post like this. I never said what you said isn't right, I said that you are guilty of exactly what you are accusing everyone else of and it would go a lot farther to just read through posts and comment than make your own sweeping post of accusation. Continue being obnoxious like this and you will be one less person on here to answer posts, which you were never really doing in the first place. ",0.4557,positive,trusting 479,depressed,Maybe there is someone out there whos struggling too.,speaker,1,"Hi people of reddit, My name is Dave and im here because nearly a year ago on 18th January 2016, 2 months before my 18th birthday i lost my mum to MND. I want to talk to people who have lost or loosing a parent too because its tuff and 1 it will help me and 2 i hope i we can all help each other thru tuff times. Talk down below and lets all try and help eachother out.",0.7717,positive,caring 479,depressed,Maybe there is someone out there whos struggling too.,listener_1,2,"have you tried other subreddits like r/Grieving, r/GriefSupport, /r/ChildrenofDeadParents/, or /r/bereavement/?",0.3612,positive,lonely 479,depressed,Maybe there is someone out there whos struggling too.,speaker,3,"No i havnt, thank you! ",0.1511,positive,sympathizing 480,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,speaker,1,"I was married for 5 years and it just suddenly ended. It was forced and we both knew it. I was independently living and now I'm at home while I attend college, a failure in my eyes. All my degree means now is moving to another place to be even more miserable. I'm finishing up for the semester and I met someone I began to care about deeply. But she is a good person and she is in a relationship she wants to make work, in spite of what we feel for each other. I'm not a typical guy in that sense, because love to me is serious, and after my marriage, I wouldn't just settle for anybody. So it was a big deal. But here I am, and it fits perfectly with my previous relationships, being led on, used etc. I'm too nice. I can't speak up or get the things I want if they're hanging right in front of me. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I will always be the backup plan. I don't see how to be happy in this life because I'm always alone, I always have been. I have friends who stick by me, and I value that, but nothing they say helps me get on my feet. I've tried to kill myself and I can't bring myself to do it. It's not the solution. I've thought about just abandoning my life and just going into the middle of nowhere and just waiting to die. But then I remember I have to have a job to make money enough to do that. And here I am, again, at that same crossroad in my mind. I'm tired of being alive, and I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of telling people that it's okay when it's not. I'm scared of death but I'm frightened to live any more than this because I can't keep kidding myself. I'm miserable in this life and any source of happiness I've had is temporary. I can't see where I fit into anything. I know how to play music, I'm an artist, but all of it is a great way to remind myself that I did all these things because I wanted to fit in somewhere. But I just don't. I'm a piece of a puzzle that's gotten into the wrong box. I don't know what to do anymore. There's no anger. Just pain. Pain from pretending that I'm living a happy life. Disgust from wearing a mask that hides my scars. I just wanted to share my story if anyone else feels this way. ",-0.7966,negative,devastated 480,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,listener_1,2,"There are plenty of people who feel this way, so you are not alone. But you also shouldn't be dealing with this on your own. I highly recommend making an appointment with a therapist and starting to talk this out with someone who can help guide you and find confidence in the person you are. You have some skewed views of both yourself and the world which I really think would benefit from talking with a professional. For example, I have no clue what you mean about not being a ""typical guy"" because love is serious to you. It is that to as many men as it is to women. And you are mad at yourself for not speaking up to get the things you want. But since that line follows your explanation of liking someone who is already in a relationship, my assumption is that you wish you could just stand up and ""get her."" But you can't and you shouldn't. She wants to try to make the relationship she is in work, and you need to respect her wishes. You see yourself as always alone even though you have friends (who may not know the correct things to say), you have a supportive family (my assumption of you living ""at home""), and you were married. There is nothing wrong with anything you said, I just really think seeing a professional counselor or therapist may help you rethink how you see yourself and your life, and find strategies to improve the things you can. You may even being diagnosed with depression, and starting treatment for that will further enhance your future outlook. So seek out help. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing this for you- because you are sick of the life you are living and need to make a change. And this is the way to start. ",0.9919,positive,trusting 480,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,speaker,3,"To explain: In my town most people aren't like me in wanting serious relationships. They treat most things as one night stands and often look for primarily physical relationships. That's what I mean when I say I'm not the typical guy. I don't know many who are like me in that sense, at least here. About the girl: I respect her decision to try and make things work. I just feel depressed because I could have said something a long time ago and it wouldn't be this way. Instead we both have to eat our feelings for each other and it feels like it's my fault. I can't stop blaming myself in my mind for such a huge mistake and what little happiness it has brought me to be this way. I am angry at myself for being passive about almost everything. I used to feel confidence in how little my emotions swayed. I really don't anymore. I feel cheap and remorseful for the way I've spent my life by the book. Low risk, low gain. Even getting married was because I was scared to lose something and I couldn't cope with the idea of being alone. You are right about things; I need a change. I need to do something. I do think I need to confront these issues and do some therapy. ",-0.1156,negative,sad 480,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,listener_1,4,I'm glad you recognize the need to address these issues head on in therapy so your life can begin to change for the better and you can feel better about the person you are. ,0.8316,positive,grateful 481,depressed,Rock/metal playlist about depression,speaker,1,Listening to relatable music (and rockin' out to it) often helps you cope with depression. I'm going through some rough times made this playlist to help me get through; I hope it helps you too. https://open.spotify.com/user/carpediemlife92/playlist/0NVYeblUlPKJnUF38SgEee,0.7269,positive,nostalgic 481,depressed,Rock/metal playlist about depression,listener_1,2,Thanks for sharing. Hang in there buddy.,0.6908,positive,consoling 481,depressed,Rock/metal playlist about depression,speaker,3,"Not that I know of. It's free to sign up though. Spotify free is pretty awesome, especially when you're using it on your computer ",0.9313,positive,surprised 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,speaker,1,"Over the course of this year ive had about four friends. Its hard for me to make any because of my anxiety and all the other shit i deal with. But every time i keep messing up by starving or cutting or just being over emotional or too quiet, someone tells me off or just ignores me. I dont even notice what im doing wrong, and it makes me feel beyond guilty. I just lost my fourth friend because he said cutting is 'childish' and my depression had no real reason behind it. i just want to cry and run away from this stupid town. It wouldnt matter if i did or not, no one would notice. It just fucking sucks. ",-0.9885,negative,ashamed 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_1,2,"Anybody who dismisses a serious illness like depression is both ignorant and insensitive. I suggest that you're better off without them. So maybe you should think along the lines of not blaming yourself and realising that the right people will stick around in the end. You're awesome the way you are, don't make apologies for anything. In fact you're ten times as awesome as anybody else given the anxiety and depression you describe, because you've so many many more obstacles to overcome. So keep it up, you're doing great! My friendship and inbox are always open to you should you want it. Good luck! ",0.9189,positive,suggesting 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_1,3,I love metaphor number 2. Makes perfect sense!,0.8588,positive,confident 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_2,4,"thanks, metaphor one i read from a book but the 2nd one is actually my idea, trying to explain it to my bf, hoping he'll finally understand why it's important to process his past to heal. ",0.7814,positive,neutral 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_1,5,That's exactly why i picked up on it! The wound thing is exactly right but also because I think we all have trouble letting go of our inner demons especially when it comes to past mistakes. Human nature I suppose. ,-0.7959,negative,agreeing 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_2,6,"absolutely agree! wish we were slightly better at letting go the past and mistakes, haha",0.847,positive,agreeing 482,depressed,Im losing all my friends because i keep fucking up.,listener_1,7,You and I both chum...,0.0,neutral,agreeing 483,depressed,What's the point of it all?,speaker,1,"I was raised in a Christian family. I always believed that no matter what happened everything would be okay, because I would always have heaven and God would always be there for me. But as I've grown up God has been there for me less and less. I feel empty. I constantly wonder why I'm here and if there is any real reason for any of this. How am I supposed to believe something that has never shown itself to me? I know some will say that the whole point is because you can't see. But that doesn't help me. I've been ignoring most of these worries and putting them in the dark corner of my mind. However, recently someone I knew died. Now I can't stop thinking about everything. I can't stop questioning and wondering if any of this has a purpose. What is the reason of life, if there is no God? How are we supposed to even know if there is a God? I keep wondering about my friend, if he's happy right now in some better place of existence. Or if he's just nothing; that he's stopped existing and there is nothing but void and darkness after this. How am I supposed to be happy if there is nothing for me after this.",0.9239,positive,trusting 483,depressed,What's the point of it all?,listener_1,2,"Even as someone who was not raised in any of the Judeo-Christian traditions, it's still a question that I wrestled with for years (and still do on occasion). I don't really believe in a specific after-life or some singular, almighty diety, but I've grown more comfortable being in a state of 'not knowing' what any of this means. I've found the practice of meditation to help a lot - I've lost friends and family that died way too young, and it's made me try to make the most of my very short time on this planet. No matter what happens, this particular life here and now will forever be unique.",0.6837,positive,lonely 483,depressed,What's the point of it all?,listener_1,3,"I like your response a lot. Empathy is key; as Buddha said, life is suffering... but there are ways to reduce that suffering, and to create less of it for yourself and others around you is a big part of what gives me meaning in life.",-0.4215,negative,impressed 483,depressed,What's the point of it all?,listener_1,4,"I like your response a lot. Empathy is key; as Buddha said, life is suffering... but there are ways to reduce that suffering, and to create less of it for yourself and others around you is a big part of what gives me meaning in life.",-0.4215,negative,impressed 484,depressed,"People want shiny things, not me",speaker,1,"The words of someone prefering a Mac over Windows because it is nicer to look at hit me hard. I'll never be a shiny, goodlooking person. And I'll stay forever alone, just like my old windows 98 laptop gathering dust on my shelf. I don't have any hope for the future whatsoever at the moment, and it really gets to me. There is no plan, no options, just waiting for death :(",-0.7592,negative,sad 484,depressed,"People want shiny things, not me",listener_1,2,"It's ok. People that went through depression or still battling depression understands how you are feel completely. I use to be like that not too long ago, about 7 mths ago? Everyday was a drag and I hated the mornings because it was another day that I had to pretend to be functional and happy and problem free. I'm not sure what you are facing or going through but I want to let you know that it doesn't have to continue this way. Depression is just a part of us, not who we are. You might not be able to see what you an offer the world right now but I can assure you, you definitely have something to offer. This might be a cliche, but it's true, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Your depression is making it more difficulty for you to see your true self, and preventing you from loving yourself. I would really suggest you to speak to a therapist that specializes in depression and self-love, self-esteem. They will be able to help you navigate through your pain and sufferings and help you get better. I use to have no self-esteem, and I still struggle with this at times but ever since I've decided to change my life because i was just so sick and tired of living the way I did, like how you are feel right now, things has dramatically improved compared to before. I'm not saying it's easy because it isn't. It's constant work and self motivation but what keeps me going is me seeing my progress of improvement. You will too when you decide for yourself that you are tired of feeling the way you do. Start by making a support group for yourself, whether that is friends, family, or other support groups, do it. Depression is bigger than us when we allow it to take over, but we have it within us to control our depression, just like how you are giving it power right now. I would also recommend you to read on self care and self love. David Burns has a really good book in managing depression, which is called ""feeling good."" The more understand what depression and why you feel the way you do, the more likely you are able to get out it. I read a lot about all the issues that I have to deal with and it has allowed me to have a sense of control over all those issues. I've learned how to navigate through them and practice healthier coping strategies. I want to let you know that I know you can do it too when you put your mind to it. Give yourself a change to live a happier and more fulfilling life. Looks isn't everything in life, it's just a small part of it. Others more so look at how you are as a person. Try not to be so hard on yourself and learn to cherish and yourself because when you do that, others will see it too. I wish you all the best, take good care of yourself because it's important. ",0.9945,positive,agreeing 484,depressed,"People want shiny things, not me",speaker,3,"Hey there, i really appreciate the lengthy response. I've been struggling with depression for a good decade, it hasn't gotten any better really. There are good times where I can manage to not think about things, and then there are the dark times, especially when I'm tired. It's not the mornings that are rough, it's the evenings when I can't hold back anymore. I did try to build a support group, but my attempts at making real friends at university failed, even when I put in so much effort. Other people already have their own lives and support groups, they dont't need me. And family just got worse, half an hour ago my dad told me that I'm so sensitive, we should probably go our seperate ways. He didn't even realize that he told me that my eating habits are shit, even though I'm eating very healthy with the exception of chocolate, which is my comfort food (and I do exercise, so there is no reason to constantly look down upon anything that isn't his way of doing things). When I was looking forward to buying some today because the past days have been rough. I tried therapy, and went for more or less a year. It didn't help at all. I guess you really have to be lucky to find someone as a therapist who is compatible with your problems, I decided upon the one who was closest to understanding me but in the end it wasn't enough. Life doesn't get better. It has always been horrible to me, with a few exceptions that didn't last long. Fleeting moments of hope. And when I try to dig myself out, life finds a way to somehow make it even worse. I'm not just undesirable regarding looks, my personality is not appealing either. I'm cursed to walk through the shit that is life, alone. Some days I can do it with a smile and laugh at the irony. And some days I can't, and I go on the internet for a desperate outcry to seek some meaningless relief, so I don't have to hurt myself. I do appreciate your response though, thank you for taking the time (:",0.8694,positive,sad 484,depressed,"People want shiny things, not me",listener_1,4,"> I guess you really have to be lucky to find someone as a therapist who is compatible with your problems That is actually not true. It took me about 6 different therapists until I found this one. There are still things that I don't particularly like but she helps me so I stick with her. And I understand, I'm not sure if you've read any of my other posts, but you'll know that I've had depression since I was 5-6 yrs old. It was at that time of age where I thought the world just consists of adults and children and that children existed so adults can torture them. I""m not sure how old you are but you can change your life around, it just takes time. Even though you don't believe it, I do, I believe and know you can if start thinking differently about yourself and life. The good thing about nowadays is all the resources we are available to us to learn healthy coping skills (internet, youtube, forums, libraries, therapist, academic journals, supportive communities/groups and much more). >life finds a way to somehow make it even worse This is true at times, as life gives you hardships, but if does that to everyone. It's more so how we view them when we encounter that matters. There are so many times where I want to give up because with everything that I've went through, I thought it's useless to put in the effort to just live a mediocre life. But deep down inside, I wasn't willing to give up and I want a chance to live happily, just like how I see others. I wanted to know what that feels like. I'm still learning but I""m improving. Just like why you are seeking out help here and still trying and it's a good thing. It's telling you that your inner self is there to try, and want to get better. >I did try to build a support group, but my attempts at making real friends at university failed, even when I put in so much effort. Relationships takes both sides to work towards. If the regular types of support groups didn't work out for you, you can also try support groups that are for depressed individuals. I find those to be easier because they understand and they are at different stages of dealing with depression so you can share your experiences and strategies with one another. >I'm not just undesirable regarding looks, my personality is not appealing either. I understand how real it is for you to feel those things and believe those things about you but I really want to let you know that it's not true. Everyone has flaws and strengths. It's just that for our life experiences, we were forced to focus on our failures and negative experiences so we believed that those negative attributes are our entire self. But it's not true nor realistic. Even from a pure scientific point of view, everyone has selective genes to survive. I want to let you know that I've been through all types of abuses you can think of (physical, emotional, neglect, sexual, being an orphan during early childhood and much more). I know I might sound like a broken record but I know you can change your life for the better, purely based on what I""ve been through and me trying to work through it all and come out of it. I know there are strengths that exists within you to fight all your experiences and pains. You just need to start to learn to nurture it and love yourself. It will give you strength to overcome your depression. Let go of all the people that doesn't improve your well-being. And for those you can't not talk to them, limit your contact with them. Do things that you enjoy, even when you don't feel like it. I really hope you'll be able to see your inner strength and work through this so you can give yourself a chance to be happier than you are now. And even when you do enjoy happiness here and there, don't worry about it's passing, just focus on the moment and live it. ",0.9922,positive,trusting 485,depressed,I really don't wanna be here.,speaker,1,Over a girl. I know it's pathetic. I don't know how not to be. The only thing I had I guess. I'm sorry. ,-0.6124,negative,ashamed 485,depressed,I really don't wanna be here.,listener_1,2,"I was where you are. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Keep moving forward. Time moves you forward, whether you want it to or not, so even when you feel like you're not getting anywhere, know that you really are. Fill your days with other things you know you love, or used to love before. Whatever they were. You'll be whole and yourself again one day.",0.9294,positive,grateful 485,depressed,I really don't wanna be here.,listener_2,3,agreed!,0.3382,positive,agreeing 486,depressed,Ill always be alone,speaker,1,"After a month or so of trying to talk to people more than im comfortable with ive just noticed this. No matter if my interests interest you or if i have to fake my way through a friendship, youll stop talking to me. my family doesnt even enjoy my company. im destined to be alone and even though ive been *feeling* lonely for so long, i just wish someone could help me. I wish i had a family member to go to instead of paying someone to hear me out. I wish i had a boyfriend to hold me at night instead of crying myself to sleep. I wish i had a friend. I wish i had someone. Anyone. Im just destined to be alone forever. because of how pathetic i really am. I hate this nagging feeling of neediness. ",0.5382,positive,lonely 486,depressed,Ill always be alone,listener_1,2,"hi there. I just wanted to say hugs. Aside from what I told you in my other comments to you, I want to let you know that sometime family members are the most difficult to speak to. My family is very small and I can't talk to any of them. It took sometime for me to be ok with it but I am. I finally realized that family isn't determined by blood alone, it's also how the person treats you. You shouldn't need to pretend to be interested and perhaps you can try to join some clubs or volunteer places that interest you so when you meet new people, you already have similar interests and something to start the convo with. Also, if you find speaking to others difficult, perhaps you can google how to make small talk with others and there should be a lot of articles out there with information. >Im just destined to be alone forever. because of how pathetic i really am. And I don't agree with this at all. You are not pathetic, it's just your feelings are overwhelming you. A researcher that specialized in depression also said that people who suffers from depression need to do the following things daily so they can see a change in their mood. I think it'll be helpful for you to combat your loneliness and depression. 1) learn something new 2) help others 3) exercise 4) do either religious or spiritual activity (such as meditation) 5) play (so something that you enjoy) ",-0.914,negative,wishing 486,depressed,Ill always be alone,speaker,3,"I would, but i really hate winter, and with how cold its been the past few days id rather take more naps than freeze my ass off to clear thoughts. Ill probably just try and read during my winter break. ",-0.8967,negative,lonely 487,depressed,Need some help,speaker,1,Hey I just joined reddit...umm I am the lonliest person and have no friends....i joined college but have attendance issues cause I don't attend much cause I don't like the way I sit alone always but people are in groups...i just want new people around to start all over....i am 16 and I want to move in to a new place with new people....but I am not sure whether my decision is right or wrong.... please if someone has experienced such situations in life help me.... cause this is my first time and its confusing me...-_-,-0.7437,negative,apprehensive 487,depressed,Need some help,listener_1,2,"Hi! I'm new to Reddit also. While I haven't been in your exact position I just wanted to extend my concern and sincere hope that things will get easier for you. Moving and starting over can be a great opportunity, but so can starting little practices everyday that help you to break out of your shell. I recently visited my psychiatrist and he gave me advice that stuck with me. He explained that depression is a 'disease' that wants you to do nothing. He explained that in order to combat it, you have to do the complete opposite, and simply do more. This advice may mean that instead of laying in bed all day you should get up and walk the dog (in my case), or socializing with others in attempt to form relationships (maybe in your case). Hope this helps! ",0.87,positive,caring 487,depressed,Need some help,speaker,3,Thanks a lot for ur concern....It truly means a lot when u have no one to talk to...Yeah I would definitely try to do the things which I have been avoiding for so long...and will try to be a bit more social and see if that helps:) ,0.7579,positive,acknowledging 487,depressed,Need some help,listener_1,4,I'm always here if you need someone to talk to! I'm so excited to hear this and wish you the best of luck my friend ,0.9478,positive,wishing 487,depressed,Need some help,speaker,5,Thanks a lot:)),0.4404,positive,acknowledging 488,depressed,A Cry for Help,speaker,1,"Before I get into this, let me tell you a bit about myself and provide a bit of context. Hi. My name is Jeremy and I'm 22 years old. I suffer from a condition known as Addison's Disease, which JFK also had. It's a lot more common in dogs but humans can get it too. I'm currently 128 lbs and 6'0. With the disease, I have grown very weak and sick. Constant vomiting, pain, lack of appetite and weakness. I am a shadow of my former self. Now, moving on from that. In July of 2016, I chose to move from Nova Scotia to Alberta for the 100th time. Doing so, I unknowingly gave up my best friends, their child, my girlfriend, Caitlin, and several family members. This was not worth coming back here. Here I am alone most of the time, the only ""friends"" that bother with me are my weed dealers and I'm in a constant battle against my own mind and body. I need help. Tl;dr I fucked up my life and now I want to blow my brains out.",-0.9661,negative,ashamed 488,depressed,A Cry for Help,listener_1,2,"Hi :) I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering right now. Maybe it would be best to contact a healthcare professional such as a therapist or psychiatrist to go and visit. It sounds like you have dealt with very difficult circumstances. Moving back-and-forth can be hard for anyone to deal with, so try not to be too hard on yourself. I know that this advice was not profound or eye opening, but I really just want you to know that someone is out there and thinking of you. xx",0.3766,positive,sympathizing 488,depressed,A Cry for Help,speaker,3,"I certainly think that would be best. Today is Sunday and mental health services are closed but first thing tomorrow, I will be calling and making an appointment. I've previously struggled with depression while abusing substances such as MDMA and attempted suicide. I was out of such mindset for a long time and do NOT want to keep thinking this way.",-0.9547,negative,apprehensive 488,depressed,A Cry for Help,listener_1,4,"I truly believe you will find the help you need and I promise you that your life will significantly improve. I also abused substances such as alcohol and prescription pills. I felt like there was no way out of what I was feeling. Last May was the first time I talked to a doctor about what I was experiencing, and since then have not felt suicidal. I wish you the best of luck xo ",0.9674,positive,faithful 488,depressed,A Cry for Help,speaker,5,Thank you so much for your help! It's funny how some of the most obvious solutions seem the most far away.,0.8545,positive,grateful 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,speaker,1,Nothing bad. Nothing deep. Just casual conversation. I'm lonely and losing my ability to cope. ,-0.1386,negative,lonely 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,listener_1,2,hit me up :),0.4588,positive,questioning 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,speaker,3,Hello there. :D how are you?,0.6166,positive,questioning 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,listener_2,4,I'm okay! Been better but been worse. How are you?,-0.4664,negative,questioning 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,speaker,5,Why is that? What's up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,speaker,6,Rainychat?,0.0,neutral,questioning 489,depressed,I just need someone to chat with.,speaker,7,Hello. Care to chat?,0.4939,positive,questioning 490,depressed,Depressed and don't know what to do,speaker,1,"I'm 100% Asian and like the other millions if them I have Asian parents. Even worse my parents are fobs as they are the first generation in America. I'm currently in my junior year of high school and face all the pressures that many other juniors face. The future and getting into a college. Before I start to talk about my issues I want to give some background knowledge about my parents. My parents came to America like all the others. For the opportunity of a better life. Then I was born. My parents were excited to have a child for about half a year however they soon realized that I cost about everything my dad made (minimum wage) so I was sent to live with my aunt and uncle. And like many aunts and uncles they didn't really raise me a mother and father would normally. I was spoiled. Whenever I wanted something I was given it as I was their adorable nephew. However when I returned to my parents at the age of 4 I quickly learned that my life had completely changed. My parents were far better off than before but we're still struggling. Even worse I was about to start school. I had no knowledge of English only korean so my parents were forced to sell about 80% of my belongings in order to pay for a private tutor to teach me english. Even worse was the tutor was purposely taking his time to teach me so he could make more money (he charged by week). I eventually was sent to school with a basic understanding of english. I struggled for a year but quickly picked up English and soon had a good number of friends. In 2nd grade I went to a friend's house for the first time. At this point my parents were middle class. This is where everything began to go downhill. My friends family was relatively wealthy so when I went to his house I noticed he had a box with the letters ps2 on them. Soon I was going to his house everyday to day video games and before long I was hooked. In 6th grade I got my first gaming console. The Xbox 360. I played almost everyday. I lived pretty happily up until sophomore year of high school. I had a 4.0 gpa my freshmen year however in sophomore year my French teacher was kind of racist and by kind of I mean really racist. I ended first semester with a solid b. I knew my parents would be furious when they found out so I tried to hide it. I worked for a solid month until my semester report arrived in the mail. That night I was punished. I was given the generic whipping with a belt that we've all experienced however my 400 dollar pc that took me 4 and a half years to save up for was smashed to pieces, my Xbox was sold on Craigslist for 20 dollars and I was made to sleep on the hardwood floor in the living room without a pillow of blanket. After that I haven't been able to touch any sort of electronic. I'm currently typing this at my friends house. Even with my primary focus being on studying I'm still not performing well enough in my parents eyes. I got a 1450 on the sat and a 30 on the act. I was fairly proud as I scored higher than most of my friends however my psat score was 150 points too low for my parents and my act was 6 points too low for my parents. They won't accept anything other than perfection. I understand that they just don't want me to face the hardships that had to face however this is just ridiculous. I'm practically just a puppet that my parents are trying to control. I'm not even supposed to be at my friends house. I was only allowed since we have a group project. Recently I've even contemplated suicide as being dead seems better than being empty. I don't know what I can do and I'm afraid that one day I'm gonna be pushed to the edge and actually go through with it. In the past 2 months I've written 5 suicide notes as I thought I was finally ready to end it all however I never go through with it. What should I do? ",-0.8981,negative,apprehensive 490,depressed,Depressed and don't know what to do,listener_1,2,"Hey man! Let me change your perspective. I'm an Iranian immigrant. My parents came to this country with nothing to their name. They worked very hard for me to take advantage of opportunities unknown to them. They weren't as strict as your parents, but I felt obligated to repay them. They never really had to push me to get good grades or high scores. My advice to you would be to use this to your advantage. This story is gold in terms of college essay. Be brutal and honest with describing how you were brought to the most dismal levels of self worth and optimism. However, it will be much more to your advantage if you make a change in your life. I understand you're under the strict eye of your parents, but you need to make opportunity for yourself. Accept who they are and be yourself. Find a balance between what they want and who you are. This is cliche but they honestly do want the best for you. You and I, we suffer from culture clash. Our parents are used to difficult lives of using every opportunity while here, in the US, we use our American peers of example as to how we should approach our lives. Anyways, please talk to me if you need anything. I believe in you and I want to help. ",0.9847,positive,impressed 490,depressed,Depressed and don't know what to do,speaker,3,Thanks man I recently started talking to my counselor about what I'm going through and she pretty much told me that all she can do is provide legal protection of me from my parents which would involve me being separated from my parents which you don't want. At this point I'm just waiting to enter college and escape from their restrictive grasp. I'll take your advice on putting this information in my college letters. Thanks for the support.,0.9132,positive,grateful 490,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,listener_2,1,"This is fairly straightfoward, but just in case it isn't, allow me clarify. I am NOT suicidal; I just don't feel like I should be here. I'm a waste of human being. I am pretty sure I have a number of psychological disorders that have not been professionally diagnosed, which would explain the way I feel. I will provide some personal information in mostly chronological order for some context. My mom and dad divorced when my sister and I were young (probably 5 and 4, respectively). Mom remarried and we got another brother. Then, a second divorce. Started seeing my dad again once I was 12. Up to this point, we had moved into and lived in at least 5 different homes. Mom tried suicide with pills. A custody lawsuit between the parents began. My sister and I were forced to stay with our aunt an uncle nearby. My mom squandered all of our savings account funds for lawyers and shit. Things fell apart quickly. I should have done more to intervene, but I was a spineless 14 year old kid with terrible social skills. We eventually moved in with our dad and our youngest brother went with his dad. My sister became agitated and hostile, inflicting herself. She ran away back to mom's after just a month or two. As a side note, my sister was a cheerleader, had lots of friends, fairly popular in high school and likable, photogenic. Most people would say she was ""normal"". October 2008 was the last time I saw her alive. I visited on a weekend that month. Last time I spoke to her was via text message a week before she was found dead in her room. Suicide at just 16. I relive that day everyday in my mind. I was taken out of class in the morning. I got a text from someone I knew back at the school my sister was attending. It confused me because she was apologizing for something. We got home and my dad delivered the news. I was shocked and in disbelief. We were driven to the building where they had taken my sister's body. It was so surreal, like being in a movie, except there was no director to yell ""Cut!"". They drew back the sheet, revealing her face and I collapsed to the floor in tears. I loved my sister and I miss her everyday. After the funeral, I just became depressed, lonely, avoided communicating with anyone. I struggled with school, didn't want to talk to anybody. My family broke apart and no one got along anymore. Fast forward to a few years later. 2012-2013 Things seem to change only slightly. I'm in college, but I don't really enjoy anything. Full time student with part time job. No friends, no social life, don't go out, living with my dad, just work and school. Then my grandma passes away (my dad's mom) and that was a pretty terrifying experience as well. Fast foward to last year. Mom attempts suicide again by ingesting more pills. She almost died, but the police managed to find a way into her house after I contacted them. She was unconscious and passed out in her garage, landing on her face and bleeding out on the floor. They say she was hypothermic and just a few hours away from certain death. When I saw her in the hospital my heart couldn't bear to see her so disfigured. Her arm was extremely swollen and bruised, too, from the way she fell. Once she was somewhat aware of things and able to speak, she tried to fabricate a story about how this guy she was dating had come over to her house and attacked her, which repulsed me and hurt me to hear, because it was unequivocally false. I love my mom, but I've become aware of her true personality and behavior, and it scares me. I look back on the past and realize what was actually going on. I now understand my mom to be a manipulative person with serious psychological problems and alcoholism. I don't think I am capable of helping her. I am too weak, and I am afraid of only making things worse by being around her. I am now 23. I don't have a single friend. I talk to no one outside of work. No social media websites. No text messages or phone calls, including family relatives (except my dad, because I live with him) I do all of this purposely to avoid burdening as few people with my feeble existence as humanly possible. I can't stand being alive. I disgust myself day in and day out. I am relatively in good shape, but that doesn't really matter. Outside of work, I choose to do nothing except exercise, and watch netflix or youtube. I envy the happy, good life people I see all the time. It's so easy for them to smile and laugh. Me? I can barely hold back the tears. I don't try to be somebody special or impress people. I don't want a relationship with anyone and I don't plan on ever having children. I will live alone and die alone. I realize I am worthless and I don't deserve to live. I should never have been born. My thoughts are a bit sporadic here. Just saying whatever I haven't already said. I don't want pity (that shit infuriates me) or even need response to this post. Don't pretend to know what it's like or pretend to care, because you'll just leave and forget about it immediately. I just need to share how I feel, because chances are I won't actually go out and tell anybody. In the real world, I try not to show any emotion as much as I can. In most public situations, I feel uncomfortable and awkward, like I'm being stared at constantly by everyone around me. I fear embarrassing myself. I have never had sex. Never been kissed. Displaying affection for someone is extremely difficult. I can barely utter ""I love you"" because I don't know if it's true; I don't really feel much of anything anymore. I don't know what else to say at this point. I'm hopeless.",-0.9981,negative,embarrassed 490,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,listener_3,2,I feel it is normal to feel this way at times. I would give you advice but I myself am experiencing the blues at this time.,0.0,neutral,lonely 490,depressed,I wish I didn't exist.,listener_2,3,"You're probably right about what you say. I can't envision an end to this except death. But I don't want to die. I wish I had never existed in the first place. The human in me is deteriorating. When someone told me their dog died giving birth and none of the puppies survived, I didn't flinch. I just shrugged it off and didn't feel a shred of emotion about it. I've grown more and more detached on an emotional scale. It's not that I don't care; I am just genuinely unable to care. Forcing it feels gross, like I'm deceiving the person into believing I care when I don't. Anyway, everyone would be better off without me. I'm just going to drive myself into solitude and live that way for the rest of my days. Hopefully, people will forget that I ever existed, that I ever burdened them with my presence, and they can now live in peace.",0.9465,positive,lonely 491,depressed,I am tired,speaker,1,"I just want to share because I feel so sad and tired and need to let something out. I am the eldest daughter (23 y/o) from 8 siblings. 6 boys 2 girls. 2 elder brothers (25, 24 y/o) 4 younger brother (22,21,19,9) and 1 younger sister 14. Since I was 8 y/o my mom had been asking me to do chores. I don't mind except for it was me alone and not the others siblings. I grew up hearing my name all the time asking me to do this and that from the moment I woke up till night. Growing up I became introverted and quiet. When I was 13 I went to a boarding school. It was the best moment of my life. I become the jokester in class all happy. But when it is time to go back home I become introverted and quiet like before. Things continue the same after I enter university (luckily I got far away from home). Before finals there are a week off (no class) known as study week. Everybody is going home but not me. Everytime I went home I don't have time to study that's why I rather be alone in college.this actually happened even when I still in primary school I never have the luxury to study because I have to cook, do laundry for 10 people and the boys are making it worse(i gotta say I never study but god still helps me pass all those exam) Up to the point I just want to lock myself in my room I am so tired for everything why can't people leave me alone. I don't even get to go out see my friends. I am like a prisoner. I cry myself to sleep every night when I am at home to the point my eyes got used to it that it wont swell no matter how hard I cry. There was once I asked my mom why she keep making me all chores when I've got perfectly healthy brothers and sister and my mom said ""you're lazy you don't do anything at all"" ( yeah, the dishes was done by the fairy godmother, the laundry wash and dry themselves, the food cook itself and magic do all the sweeping and cleaning) But I still can go through all that. But now, I had finished my study and I got a job offer far from home. I am so happy I got to break free I am finally living my life. But NO! My mom don't want me to go because no one gonna help her after this ( but she said I've done nothing). I pitied my mom. She gave her everything to her sons but all they do is yelled at her and ask her to mind her own business. But I can't hold on any longer I wanna run away I couldn't stay any longer. I hate my mom for making me depressed but I hate my brothers more! If you received all her love why wont you help her! I am so done with this family. All this time I stood quietly and watch and cry. I don't think I love my mom, maybe only sympathy left I am so tired. Should I sacrificed myself for my mother or should I have my way for once or should I end everything here. Thanks for reading. Hope you won't treat your children like what I am going through ^.^ ",0.6064,positive,lonely 492,depressed,Just a quick question,speaker,1,Does feeling as if your heart is sinking classify as being depressed?,0.34,positive,questioning 492,depressed,Just a quick question,listener_1,2,"Fix Up, Bless Up. ",0.4215,positive,consoling 492,depressed,Just a quick question,speaker,3,Hopefully 2016 can fuck off and 2017 can bring me success. Guess we'll find out soon.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 493,depressed,I don't think any girl will love me.,speaker,1,"And that's cool. Some people are just alone for their whole lives. They say a lot of things like ""Oh, keep working on yourself, you usually get taken off the shelf at the top of your game!"" That's really depressing in itself, if it's true. There's numerous things going on in my life, and I know I won't get out of it for a bit. That there's a light at the end of the tunnel I've developed blind faith in, because death would be a waste of an existance. So even if there isn't, I just feel like it'd be worth seeing this until the end. I don't want kids, I just want to explore another person, and go do things, and grow, and just empower each other. I've learned to forgive my mother who walked out. Well, in the process. I'm also trying to forgive my step mother. My father. Every woman that bullied me from behind her leering jock douche. The world. It takes a lot, the times are dismal. I just keep pushing. Sometimes its easier, it just hurts the same on the days it hurts. I really want to quit smoking, but that's really hard too. I want my teeth to whiten, to break my running record times. To put on more muscle. Not loose my looks I've late bloomed into, suprisingly. But above all else, I want to endlessly love someone but I don't want the wrong person to take that. Which is a really tall order, considering any girl that talks to me, is... Well. I'm a multi-layered person. Trying really hard not to be self centered, and be more truly empathetic. I've just been through too much, that has left me on guard for looking out for myself. I figured it out where I was at one day, when I saw a Darth vader meme, it said ""Fear, anger, hate, suffering."" And it's really weird, but I saw exactly where I was going. I was afraid, now I'm angry moving to hateful. Then we know what comes next. ",-0.939,negative,hopeful 493,depressed,I don't think any girl will love me.,listener_1,2,"What comes across from your story is that you're extremely strong! Being able to forgive is a clear sign of high emotional intelligence. Any good women will find this attractive and seek it in a partner. Just hang in there dude, Ive no doubts you'll find all you seek! ",0.9625,positive,confident 493,depressed,I don't think any girl will love me.,speaker,3,"Thanks brother! It will all play out, I hope. ",0.8172,positive,encouraging 493,depressed,I don't think any girl will love me.,listener_1,4,"It will, it always does in the end. Stay strong! You're good enough, in every way! Remember that. ",0.7772,positive,faithful 493,depressed,I don't think any girl will love me.,speaker,5,Good copy! I appreciate the support.,0.8221,positive,acknowledging 494,depressed,"The ones who know,",speaker,1,what it feels like to honestly truely know you'll be alone for the entirety of this life.,0.5423,positive,neutral 494,depressed,"The ones who know,",listener_1,2,What do you mean? I kinda get wut your saying..i.think,0.0,neutral,agreeing 494,depressed,"The ones who know,",speaker,3,"I'm saying like...based on how your life has gone up to this point if you're over 21 and still single, that's more than likley how you'll just be. I hope not but...is what it is. I'm 25 and all I have is betrayal, lies, and cheaters in my love life up to this point. So that's more than likley all I have to look forward to because if at this point with as many different things I've tried I'm still geting the same result so it's just how it is. (For me anyways)",-0.34,negative,anticipating 494,depressed,"The ones who know,",listener_1,4,"I would say that its not ridiculous to expect all that youve known and to be a bit jaded but from my experience (38) one of the beautiful.things is realizing that theres more to life, myself and others beyond what ive known or seen. I refuse to accept the negative aspects as what life will be",-0.6903,negative,grateful 494,depressed,"The ones who know,",listener_2,5,"The famous Dr Ross Geller, when asked if he had been involved with someone where he haven't broken up; replied: ""No. But… it only has to happen once.""",0.3724,positive,neutral 495,depressed,I made the mistake of taking selfies with my new phone,speaker,1,"Earlier today I bought a new phone with my parents. Mine got robbed 2 months ago, and it feels good to finally have another one again, specially this one. The camera is great, and just now I was taking some selfies. I don't know what I expected, as if my fancy smartphone would fix everything that's wrong with my face. I basically look like a cartoon character, my nose is very crooked to the right, and so is my mouth. My lips are incredibly uneven, one side being shorter and thinner than the other, it looks like a botched liquify test on photoshop. I've noticed the corners of my upper lips began to fade, but they looked nonexistent in these selfies, creating a very unappealing and old looking lip shape. I have messed up teeth and a deviated septum, I think those contributed to the massive asymmetry. I have a lot of other problems in my life right now (transgender in the closet, etc) and I just wish that I looked normal. I would love to be beautiful, but just homely would be fine, that's not too much to ask, is it? Previously to taking these selfies I was aware of my asymmetry, but what hurts is that I can't even find pleasure in a silly thing such as taking pictures of myself. I have been thinking a lot about my other physical defects, and something like this just makes it harder for me not to dwell on how unattractive and repulsive I feel. I have shitty hair, shitty skin, awful teeth, I could stand to loose some weight, I have a horrible posture that's slowly becoming a hunchback (I went to this mini market last week where you could see the footage of the security cameras, when I saw myself walking from behind I wanted to cry). And then some people go on social anxiety forums to say how difficult their experiences are, being beautiful and depressed/shy/socially anxious. If I had all the problems I had today but if at least I was attractive everything would be so much easier. I'm just so done with my physical appearance, I want out. ",-0.9416,negative,surprised 495,depressed,I made the mistake of taking selfies with my new phone,listener_1,2,"Not sure this will help all that much.. I was much more concerned with appearances when I was younger (I'm pushing 40 now). There are things that can help you improve the stuff you have control over. If you get in super great shape that could improve your confidence tremendously. Are there products that could help your skin and hair? Or perhaps get a different cut that would be more flattering? Also as for your nose- do you have decent health insurance? If so, a deviated septum is considered a medical problem. I got mine fixed last year - it can help straighten out your nose considerably (maybe not perfectly depending on what is damaged). Mine was a break that didn't heal right and was supposed to be 100% internal but surgery made it look way straighter anyway. Some of us get handed a gift basket of crap when we're born, whether it's horrid parents, unattractiveness, health problems, or all of the above and more... I just try to make the best of it. Life is crazy short and sometimes you have to make concessions that things will never be the way you really want... but there's so much out there to enjoy, learn, and explore, it's worth not giving up. -Edit: I wanted to mention the poor posture thing too- you seem young so I am sure that can be reversed. If you're on the computer a lot, switch to a standing desk. Pile up books or make shift something if you have to; it will help a lot. There are braces you can get cheap on Amazon to help keep you standing/sitting up straight but just use them temporarily since they can weaken muscles over time. Taking up meditation and sitting straight for even 10-15 min at a time will also help you break the hunching habit. It hurts a bit at first but after that passes it gets *more uncomfortable* to hunch.",0.9243,positive,apprehensive 495,depressed,I made the mistake of taking selfies with my new phone,speaker,3,"Thanks, this was very uplifting and encouraging. A doctor reccomended a septum surgery a couple of years now, but since I might need surgery for my teeth too I'm waiting for it. My teeth is a whole other issue, I'm just very unlucky with dentists. I try to keep a positive mind with this, to think that I can try to make the best with what I have, but its hard sometimes.",0.9369,positive,acknowledging 495,depressed,I made the mistake of taking selfies with my new phone,speaker,4,These changes can still happen if Im 21? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 495,depressed,I made the mistake of taking selfies with my new phone,listener_2,5,check it out .. can't post links I believe .. but type in proper tongue posture .. how to breathe through the nose .. diaphram breathing etc ..,0.0,neutral,agreeing 496,depressed,I don't even know what I'm doing,speaker,1,"I'm sitting in a bar, surrounded people, but somehow i still feel alone. The woman next to me is enamored with her phone, but still strikes up a conversation with the bartender. The guys on the other side, same thing. She comes to me, gets my drink, but what is about me that says i don't want to talk? The sad fact is that i do want to talk. I'm not even sure how. I texted three friends.... No response. I'm sure they have better things to do. It's amazing how in a place that is packed to capacity that a person can feel utterly alone. ",0.0476,neutral,lonely 496,depressed,I don't even know what I'm doing,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling. I goto a job I hate, go home to a wife I believe I hate (still don't know how I feel) a few kids that are ungrateful brats and I have absolutely no friends. I have associates I talk with, but no one I enjoy being with. The wife, I am still with after two years of building up so much resentment and an almost hatred for her. She has gotten the kids where they know she will stand up for them. The job has almost gotten to be unbareable, not because of the work, but because of the people and politics.",-0.9365,negative,lonely 496,depressed,I don't even know what I'm doing,speaker,3,Wow man that sucks. Why do you hate your wife?,-0.34,negative,questioning 496,depressed,I don't even know what I'm doing,listener_1,4,"We've been together since we were 13, over 23 years. Just alot of little stuff that half built up more and more resentment over the years. Not going to say it is all her fault, but as I at least have brought up the issues to her, I feel I have tried on my end.",-0.4728,negative,ashamed 496,depressed,I don't even know what I'm doing,speaker,5,Sorry that you feel that way man. Have you considered counciling? Or worst case leaving? If you're that miserable the rest of your family has to realise. ,-0.8385,negative,sympathizing 497,depressed,"Chocolate didn't help, so I'm here to vent",speaker,1,"Went out of my way to try and be less lonely on new years eve and went to the next bigger city for fireworks and a ton of people partying. Was standing alone like the loser I am, got mistaken for a cop by a really drunk guy and decided to go home, frozen, disappointed and extremely lonely. :( I tried to change things, to be more social. Took a plane to visit ""friends"" I met on the internet, but it kinda fizzled out. After a few days, everyone loses interest in me and I end up alone. I don't know what I was thinking. You don't meet people being all alone, you meet people through people. And I know no such people in the area, thus I'm not meeting any new ones. Lucky for me I found a job which I will attempt to bury myself in, but even there I got the worst fate. Working in a seperate office room with one other guy who is as silent as the night. Awkward boss never telling me anything and not trusting me with anything. Trying to network with the other guys there, but it's not going that great so far. 2 1/2 more years and I'm a perfect wizard. I never really was in a position to find a girlfriend, always screwed up with a childhood full of problems, always knowing I wasn't good enough for anyone. Kept telling me that maybe if I worked hard enough and studied and got a decent job I would have a chance to ask someone out. Now that I am working, the only female person is the secretary who does try to avoid me. I don't know exactly how tinder works, and how popular it is in my area, but I'm not pretty/fashionable enough for stuff involving pictures. Thought about what I did accomplish last year. Took me over half a year to find a job after finishing my studies (and the job isn't even in my area of expertise that I wanted to work in, I just REALLY suck at presenting myself and am great at convincing interviewers that I cannot be trusted -.-). At least I didn't kill myself. Then again, that is just as much an accomplishment as it is a failure. I don't know what to do. Totally lost, and no hope.",-0.9746,negative,lonely 497,depressed,"Chocolate didn't help, so I'm here to vent",listener_1,2,"Hello, it sounds like life hasn't been kind to you and from what I can tell from you post - it sounds like perhaps you overly focus on the negative side of things. I realize it's a real struggle, but look at you, you've managed to get a job and thus advance a little in life - that's a HUGE step, be proud of your progress. You can't just expect life to go your way and get some ''dream job'' once you graduate - that is simply unrealistic, world unfortunately doesn't work according to our expectations, as nice as that would be, so don't be hard on yourself. As for meeting new people and forming long-lasting friendships/relationships - it is definitely hard as an adult, but don't give up. May sound like an obvious thing, but I suggest to truly work on self-confidence and being comfortable with yourself in various situations. Take up a hobby or a bunch of hobbies and not with the purpose of turning your entire life around, but with the purpose of bettering yourself, finding a new way of stress-relief or a way of connecting with other people. Yoga, dance classes, any other physical activity, anything. May be awkward as hell at first, but that's how you eventually get yourself comfortable with something unfamiliar. Read a bunch of self-help books and take what you read seriously, work on positive thinking and be grateful for the little things. Also don't be afraid to try tinder (or OKCupid, etc.), what's the worst thing that could happen? You could embarrass yourself the first few (hundred?) times, but something could eventually work out. Personally, I could hardly function as a human being and even talk around the opposite gender when I was younger and I've also struggled with a lot of personal problems, but I've constantly pushed myself out of my comfort zone, tried to meet people, recently met a few people off of tinder and it's worked-out just fine. I'm not all cured of my awkwardness, but I'm nowhere as uncomfortable with the opposite gender as I used to be. I can actually charm most people off their feet now once I feel comfortable and let myself joke around, but then again, it won't just happen, you need to push yourself to become that charming, comfortable person even if it takes A LOT of faking to get there. Also, if something (friendship/relationship) is not working out, leave it be, let it evolve naturally - if it's working out then it's working out, if not, let go, don't let it complicate your life more. As for bringing personal problems to the table, the truth is, people have a lot of their own problems as it is, mostly they don't wanna deal with someone else's problems on top of their own, so it's up to you to patiently and personally work on those rather than depend on a potential significant other, confess all your shortcomings and hope they will turn your life around. Give another shot at therapy if you need to, but most importantly don't consider giving up on yourself an option, cause you're worth it. Other than that, what do you think makes you ''not good enough'' for a girl? If you're not a narcissistic prick, if you can be loyal, caring and supportive of your partner and have no bad addictions then you're a damn good catch and you need to see that for yourself. Yes, people are pretty superficial and go after looks most of the time, but an attractive personality and good wit can get you a long way too (seriously, humor is a big thing. Even if you tend to be serious/sad, work on trying to make people laugh - everybody digs a funny person). This time focus on re-making your personality, rather than thinking that having a good job means a girlfriend comes next. And look at Nick Vujicic, dude's got no arms or legs and he's living the dream life. Did his physical imperfections ever stop him? No. Why should you let your insecurities consume you and get in the way of enjoying life? You think you're not fashionable enough? With a little googling around and investing into new clothes it's super easy to fix that. There's one quote that I really love and maybe you'll be able to gain some insight from it “If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you got to stop living”. Sorry, that was quite a rant and maybe a bit of reality-slap, but yes, life doesn't just magically ''work out'', push yourself to be someone better and fake it till you make it. By the way, like you I had spent my new year (and it was my birthday) alone, on top of that fought and terminated contact with my now only best friend and I'm still jobless, but life doesn't stop, I, too, will make life work out somehow.",0.9984,positive,suggesting 497,depressed,"Chocolate didn't help, so I'm here to vent",speaker,3,"Hey~, I appreciate the honest answer. Especially the details about Yoga classes and Tinder and whatnot. I know that my main problem is my self-confidence, and I don't know how to fix it. My life is kinda built around the fact that I'm a sub-par human, and I don't think I can handle reality if that were taken away. Shrinks didn't really work, self-improvement didn't work. And it will always be in my way when trying to live life. So the only way I can somehow move on right now is to try and completely ignore the problems and my self-confidence issues with the motivation of having nothing to lose, because I am nothing. I don't know. Life is rough. And comparing myself with someone who has an entirely different set of problems doesn't really solve the pit I dug myself and can't escape. Maybe I am a catch, but first and foremost I am caught already. I really don't know. If I knew how to get out of this misery, I could do it, one step at a time. But there is no path, because once I let go of my warped reality, everything crumbles and I'm done for =/ Sorry you were alone on new year's eve too. And I really wish for your life to also work out. Being friendless sucks, but being jobless REALLY sucks. Good luck c:",-0.9086,negative,embarrassed 498,depressed,I just don't try anymore,speaker,1,"I just turned 20. And yet I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. There's so much wrong going on in my life. First of all I'm a bit overweight, but it's not that bad because I'm very tall. I basically failed a mandatory course in college and won't be returning despite the fact I like it. Not only that in high school I used to be a beast at lifting weights, and was somewhat in shape. All these thoughts though have taken a toll on my resting heart rate and my blood pressure. Any advice/ comments would help.",0.8242,positive,ashamed 498,depressed,I just don't try anymore,listener_1,2,"Seems like you're going through a really stressful time and are taking it all upon yourself. Leaving college is not a forever situation, you can always return in the future. Don't think this is the end. You clearly enjoy working out so maybe try incorporating that into your routine. I can be really hard to start but once you make it a habit you will stick with it! Exercise also has some awesome benefits for your mental health. Here are some ideas to make it less overwhelming: http://blog.tranqool.com/2016/10/31/5-tips-for-making-exercise-less-overwhelming/",0.9081,positive,suggesting 498,depressed,I just don't try anymore,speaker,3,Thanks for that ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,speaker,1,"I keep thinking about killing myself. I don't want to die most of the time but when I drink, I make more and more elaborate plans. I keep getting closer and closer and I'm scared I will kill myself drunk and not even want to do it. But when I'm sober I think I'm being ""histrionic"" when I drink. But I find EVIDENCE of my intent the next day. Pills, knives, suicide letters, charcoal, ... I'm scared I'm going to kill myself drunk. Without real ""intent""",-0.9901,negative,prepared 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,speaker,2,I have a plan where I buy a bunch of charcoal and burn it in an enclosed room. But I can't stand the thought of my son or my animals not being taken care of. That's the only reason i'm here. ,-0.5334,negative,furious 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,listener_1,3,"R/suicidewatch my friend, good people ",0.7269,positive,apprehensive 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,speaker,4,"Thank you for the encouragement. Apparently, I contacted my doctor's office via email (while drunk) and requested an appointment ASAP. I went in yesterday and got some meds and a referral! I guess my drunk-self has some sense after all.",0.4926,positive,grateful 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,speaker,5,I'm going to start by just not drinking! It's really the root of all my problems. Thank you! :),0.5242,positive,faithful 499,depressed,This is my first post ever. I've been lurking on here for years.,listener_2,6,I'm glad to hear you went in!! Such good news :) ,0.8585,positive,acknowledging 500,depressed,Keeping mind busy,speaker,1,Not really sure why but tonight is hitting me pretty hard. Im in a rare mood to read. Can someone post some of their favorite poems or quotes?,0.797,positive,sentimental 500,depressed,Keeping mind busy,listener_1,2,"I can't personally think of anything at the moment but if you want good quotes, I find get motivated subreddit usually has good ones. Perhaps you can check it there?",0.9209,positive,suggesting 500,depressed,Keeping mind busy,listener_2,3,Live simply so other ppl can simply live,0.0,neutral,sad 501,depressed,It's like blowing up a balloon until it pops.,speaker,1,"I like to hold everything in, all my emotions, feelings, and dark thoughts. I've never blown up but I want my explosion to be huge. Does anyone actually like feeling their depression? ",0.4767,positive,anxious 501,depressed,It's like blowing up a balloon until it pops.,listener_1,2,"I hate burdening others with my emotions, but it can be extremely cathartic. Question -- do you want to be happy? And don't say yes just because society makes us think that being happy is the 'right' thing to be. One can lead a perfectly fine life while being sad; happiness is not necessarily good and sadness is not necessarily bad. Enjoyment does not necessarily equate to happiness, by the way. So, I suppose, my real question is -- do you enjoy being sad? If you don't enjoy being sad, then I'd recommend telling people about those sad emotions. If you do, then, well, sure, keep those feelings locked up. (Personally, I'd rather let them out because keeping them to myself makes me very sad and somewhat suicidal sometimes, and I enjoy laughing and being happy.) Please bear in mind that sadness is not equivalent to wanting to hurt yourself or kill yourself. If you have those thoughts or emotions, you *need* to talk to someone. ",0.8172,positive,questioning 501,depressed,It's like blowing up a balloon until it pops.,speaker,3,"I don't believe that I deserve happiness. All my life I've tried to stay at a distance from those that I love and cherish so that they only see what I want them to see and not what I really am; basically a negative Nancy. But I do enjoy being sad, sometimes I'll get the urge to cut myself somewhere, I usually won't go through with it though but the thought of being sadness is much better than the thought of being happy. ",0.7935,positive,sad 501,depressed,It's like blowing up a balloon until it pops.,listener_1,4,"Ah, now, see, that's unhealthy. I don't know why you'd think that you don't deserve to be happy. I think like that, sometimes, but then I realize that I'm just thinking like that as a form of emotional cutting; you hurt your own emotions to ease the pain, I suppose, and it's strange like that! If you feel this way, please talk to a professional about it, okay? Trust me, you do deserve to be happy. People want you to be happy, too. ",0.9688,positive,agreeing 502,depressed,My first post on Reddit,speaker,1,"I've lurked on Reddit for a while, but I've never made an account until now. This is because I want to get something off my chest. Do you know that feeling like you're screaming but no one can hear you? I've had it for almost seven years now. I've been quiet about my emotions for a third of my life. Well, as quiet as I can get without the aching need to talk to someone about it. Seems like every time I mention my sadness to anyone, I get shut out or too much attention. I don't like it when people pry, and I especially don't like it when people tell others that I have problems. I understand that some simply want to help, and I understand I'm stubborn, but I am a Rubik's cube to someone who is colorblind. That is why I'm here. I want to tell people who don't know me; people who can understand me better than those who don't know what it's like to be sad all of the time (not that I'm assuming that you, the reader, are, but I'm sure you're here for a reason). In order to do this, I suppose I need to provide a background. I'll try and make it brief. I have bad vision. When I was born, my right eye was lazy. When my left eye looked straight, my right looked left. I was about five years old when I started wearing glasses got corrective surgery. I can now see straight at the price of my right eye being half as strong as my already weak left. As a result, my prescription is very strong and make my eyes look big. This, along with my obscure and difficult-to-pronounce name, made me an easy target to bullies. After years of verbal abuse, I, too, became a bully in middle school. A bully who was eager to make friends. This also marked the beginning of my sadness, through anger. I started smoking at the age of eleven, and started doing ritalin and weed at 14. At 14 was also the same age I got in legal hot water for bringing ritalin, of which I was not prescribed, to school. I spent a week in juvenile detention, where they had me on suicide watch (though I did not understand why). Three months after leaving juvy and being kicked out of school, my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma (bone marrow cancer, for those who don't know). Being the angry child I was, I sought escape by stealing my dads medication, specifically morphine sulfate. He died four months after his diagnosis. This led to me acting out ferociously, and increasingly out of sadness. I would get in fights, I would steal, I would do drugs liberally, all as a cry for help. This is when the screaming started. I graduated high school with a 1.7 accumulative GPA and somehow made it into college, where I started drinking, joined a frat, and wasted money like crazy by not only spending it, but failing classes, too. I lasted a year and a half before I dropped out and began my work life. I lived at home with my mother for about a year and a half before she married a guy after 3 months of knowing him. The man was verbally and physically abusive (not to my mother, or he would've known my fury) as well as manipulative. After a short conflict, I was kicked out and forced to live with my brother who took me in. That day was the last day I slept in my own bed, and that was a year and a half ago. I lived with my brother for several months, working and playing video games, before the lease ended in June of 2016. Just before the end of the lease, my mothers husband had wasted her money and were forced to move from the house. Having nowhere to go, and the lease about to end, they came to the apartment and stayed for a total of 3 days. They offered to let me stay in their new home, but not my brother, so I refused. My brother fought with the husband and I lost the offer entirely by default. When the lease ended, my brother moved out of state and no one took me in. I was homeless the entire summer, but thankfully still had a job. Finally, a coworker offered me to stay with her. I now sleep on her couch and the roommate/coworker relationship is tense. This leads to now. I have reflected a lot of my past as of late, and I have fallen into a new level of sadness. I have no solid ground on which I could put my feet, and with hours getting cut at work and debts looming over my head, I turn to alcohol to numb everything, though it often just makes me more sad. I am lonelier than I've ever been. I have no one to turn to except my friend who lives four hours north of me by car, which I don't have a license. It seems every time I turn a corner in my life, something bad happens to me and I feel useless. Worthless. I have nothing to look forward to, and I fear that my lack of motivation due to fear may result in me being homeless again. Thoughts of suicide flow through my head. But because of my loneliness, I tell no one. I feel like no one wants to hear me. I've become a weird guy to the world, and that's how they know me. That's why I adopted the persona of naturally0dd. I talk non stop when I'm at work because I desperately want someone to hear what I have to say, but everyone thinks that I'm crying for the wrong kind of attention and turn a cold shoulder. The only reason I still work there is because I have for a year and I know my job well enough to keep me around. Work is two hours from home, so in between my short shifts, I think constantly about how my life is and was. It's often overbearing. Then I start drinking again. I am not sure how to move on from here, because I am under the impression that the next thing I do will be a mistake. I don't know what my interests are or what makes me happy or what I'm good at, besides drinking, video games and cooking (which is my job). My four roommates (in a two bedroom apartment) pay no mind to me and speak Spanish. I sit on the couch I sleep on quietly and drink. I am lost, and the only map I have is on my phone which tells me exactly where I am, which is of no use to me. I feel like ending it every day. I don't know what to do anymore. And this is my life.",-0.9995,negative,lonely 502,depressed,My first post on Reddit,listener_1,2,"I too had a hard childhood and grew up crippled for long periods of time with major depression that leave me practically useless to myself or others. When I tasted my first opiate, I took to it like a duck to water and became an addict as soon as I could because it seemed like a step up. It wasn't of course and I ended up suffering more than ever but I understand why you did what you did. HOrrible pain makes people do desperate things for even temporary relief. How are you doing in college? Would you call your major issue ""major depression"" or something else? Are you anhedonic or are you able to enjoy moments or parts of your life? At times, in spite of depression, I've been able to enjoy walks in the woods with dogs. At times, like now and for the past 10 months, I've been totally anhedonic - unable to enjoy anything at all. It is barely living and all I do is try to avoid making things worse and endure in a minimal, stupid, unproductive, non-creative, unthinking way. I exercise almost every day for several hours because even though it doesn't make me feel better, it does prevent feeling even worse. Just about all I do is for that reason - to avoid things getting even worse or to avoid feeling even worse. Again, this hardly seems like a life worth living. Are you addicted to opiates now or did you get past that? ",-0.9868,negative,neutral 502,depressed,My first post on Reddit,speaker,3,"I dropped out of college about two years ago. I don't even know what to classify myself as. The only moments I enjoy are the ones when I don't have the time to think, so I'm busy. Busy drinking, talking, working, or simply distracting myself. I had been addicted to a couple of things, varying from opiates to even meth. I dropped most of my habits in favor of drinking. All I do now is drink and smoke cigarettes.",0.5719,positive,content 502,depressed,My first post on Reddit,listener_1,4,"All I do now is smoke weed and drink kratom tea once a week. I'm going to try kava this week as soon as my first order arrives. Kratom is addictive so I'm only doing it once a week but they say kava is not addictive and since insomnia is a symptom of depression for me, it is worth trying.",-0.5719,negative,hopeful 503,depressed,Abandoned,speaker,1,"I've heard over and over again how people are overwhelmed with happiness, joy, and hope. This has been especially evident during this holiday season, with countless engagements, weddings, and baby announcements flooding my facebook feed and mailbox. I can't relate. I can honestly sit here and say I do not remember the last time I was overwhelmed with happiness. I don't remember the feelings... but I imagine it's exactly the opposite of the constant anguish that surges through my veins. Instead of heaviness and aches permeating their body and settling in their joints, it's probably a light, joyous feelings. Like helium in a balloon. Instead of dread and hopelessness ruining every step in their life, there is probably a newfound hope and positivity lighting their path. Instead of self loathing, they probably look in the mirror and see somebody they would die for. Think about it... if you were outside of your body, and could take a bullet for yourself, would you? I wouldn't... I would rather watch myself bleed. I don't know what happened. There used to be a bubbly, wonderful, and hopeful girl here. This girl, she had motivation. She was optimistic. She was brave. She was ready to take on the world... now I feel like the world is running me over -- backing over me a few times to make sure it gets me good. I don't have anybody anymore. I don't know how to talk to anybody. I don't know if I abandoned the people I care about, or if they did so to me.. but I'm alone. I'm sad. I'm depressed. I'm not really sure what this was about.. but it helped. I hope you're doing better than me. ",0.9635,positive,joyful 503,depressed,Abandoned,listener_1,2,"Hey, I am in the same position. I feel utterly alone. Just reading this makes me realize that if we could get all these lonely people in a room just to talk something amazing would happen. The holidays aren't all fun and games for everyone actually most people struggle during those times. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone, I hear you I really do, I hear what you said and absorbed it completely. I hope you're doing well, stay in there :)",0.7465,positive,lonely 503,depressed,Abandoned,speaker,3,Reading that made me cry. Thank you. We lonely people need to get together and have a party. I'll bring cake. ,-0.1027,negative,sentimental 503,depressed,Abandoned,listener_2,4,We are legion. Your post describes me as well. I blame depression but that doesn't make it any easier at all.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 503,depressed,Abandoned,speaker,5,I don't like the fact that it's part of my brain. I can't control it. I can't fix it. It's so terrifying it's paralyzing. ,-0.7815,negative,terrified 503,depressed,Abandoned,listener_2,6,"Yes. Today it felt like I was on a horrible drug or something, like life had become a bad trip I could only endure and ride out. ",-0.0772,negative,sad 503,depressed,Abandoned,speaker,7,*virtual hug* ,0.4767,positive,nostalgic 503,depressed,Abandoned,listener_2,8,thanks. at least i made it through another day. ,0.4404,positive,neutral 503,depressed,Abandoned,speaker,9,Thank you. Give your girlfriend a hug from me. ,0.6808,positive,wishing 504,depressed,Insignificant.,speaker,1,"I really don´t know what else I can do to matter, like, everyone´s just pulling me apart (or I feel so), I´m never invited into parties, I always bore people, no one´s ever there when I´m depressed as fuck, I feel everyone´s lifes just advance and i´m here, stuck, doing nothing.",-0.8924,negative,lonely 504,depressed,Insignificant.,listener_1,2,Things change. You can't please everyone. You must focus on pleasing yourself since you will be with yourself for your entire life and have to get along or else you'll be fucked. Your relationship with yourself is the most important relationship you will have. Make it better if you can. Seriously.,0.0852,positive,angry 504,depressed,Insignificant.,listener_2,3,"Yes! So much this, I couldn't have said it any better. I find that when you stop trying to please everybody else you have the opportunity to focus on yourself. And that ultimately is all that matters. If you're happy in yourself then it doesn't matter what other think of you and you won't care. Oh and you are significant!!! Tell yourself this everyday and believe it! Cos it's true. ",0.9368,positive,confident 505,depressed,No motivation. At all. (r/depression),speaker,1,"Idk what it is. I just have no motivation to do anything I should be doing. Currently on my last year of high school, alternative because I've been this way for as long as I could remember and my school asked me to leave before I was kicked out. If I even feel motivated to do what's important, it doesn't last and I go back to my old ways, sitting at home playing on my PS4 24/7. I know that it's wrong, but I just can't actually do the work because I just don't feel like it I guess. I don't feel good about it, I know I feel guilt, but I just can't put myself to work and it's ruining my life in the long run and my relationship with my parents. I mean, mom doesn't really help when she puts me down about it, but I know it's because she's upset, tired, and disappointed. I've had one too many chances. I want to go better but it isn't a simple ""then just do it"". It's more than that and I know it. I don't know if I'm depressed because I'm not sad. When I'm with my online friends, I feel relatively happy. I try to be with them a lot though because I hate being alone. I'm thankful for all I have in my life. I'm glad I have family who cares but I'm disappointing them day by day and it needs to stop. Please help, An unmotivated 19-year-old TLDR: No motivation to do what's important. Disappointing everyone around me. Life going downhill.",-0.9166,negative,ashamed 505,depressed,No motivation. At all. (r/depression),listener_1,2,"I feel bad when someone asks something, even more when it's on this topic, and doesn't get an answer. When it comes to schoolwork, not doing it, and your mother putting you down, I think you need to explain it to her more thoroughly. I had this problem too; she did not understand why I was completely unmotivated and did not want to do anything besides staying on my PC *we had that discussion when it came to me doing not chores by my own will*. I explained to her why I was feeling that way, why I had a really bad mental image of myself, and what happened in the past that actually got me where I am now. Maybe you feel guilty because you have disappointed her in the past, and with your friends you feel that her judgement isn't there and you can be happy. I think the answer is always baby-steps. Do a quarter, 10% or even a single exercise of the homework. I don't really know how homework in U.S. works, I'm from Europe, but every single bit counts. You can also exercise, tbh I haven't felt alive a year back till I got off my ass and took a 20 min walk for the first time. I'd say get an appointment with a psychologist/psychiatrist; maybe its also a self-esteem issue. My parents *dad,mostly* have been critical of bad grades and since then I feel guilty when I get a bad grade, but you know what they say: Grades don't reflect intelligence! ",-0.9875,negative,disappointed 505,depressed,No motivation. At all. (r/depression),speaker,3,Thank you for the reply. I'll try anything I can. And thanks for the advice.,0.6597,positive,wishing 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,speaker,1,I don't know who I hate more: myself or everybody else ,-0.5719,negative,sad 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,listener_1,2,"I thought people get depressed because they hate themselves and are angry because they hate others. And i think being angry is better, but i'm not really in a position to give advise to anybody",-0.802,negative,neutral 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,speaker,3,"I don't think I just ""got"" depressed. It's something that overcame me after puberty. The self loathing, and the hatred I have for *nearly* everybody else simply followed. With that, everybody is different. What happens to each person makes their story and situation different. Lastly, I agree. Anger is nice, it dissipates after the storm passes, and you feel lighter. Depression and anxiety alway hover around, sometimes not as noticeable, but always present. ",-0.8176,negative,agreeing 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,listener_1,4,"The thing i don't understand is that ""simply followed"" you mentioned. As you say, everyone is different but personally i don't get the connection between ""self loathing"" and hating ""everybody else"". If we were talking about ""envy"", maybe yes. Do you hate them because they fail to help you or notice your problems? Or are they the cause of your depression? I hate myself too but i don't hate others",-0.9815,negative,suggesting 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,speaker,5,"I don't know if I have the right words to say what needs to be said correctly. If I wrote it now, I would not do my struggle any justice. So, for now,, thank you for giving me something to mill over. I guess you'll have to wait for my next post (: ",0.9093,positive,embarrassed 506,depressed,You guys are the exception,listener_1,6,"Take your time, finding the right words is never an easy task...take care",0.2008,positive,wishing 507,depressed,I just wanted to cry,speaker,1,"Management group shut off the water to the park for 5 days. My wife calls me and says, ""your truck engine is smoking"". And on the way to see said truck my car just decides to stop running. Just ""nope, im donesies"". I have no idea how much any of this is going to cost and I only have 500 saved up for emergencies so far. It's 1:30 in the afternoon and i just want to go to bed. Edit. I now dont have a vehicle to keep my brand new company going. ",-0.0772,negative,apprehensive 507,depressed,I just wanted to cry,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you are going through such hardship right now. Is there a way where you can loan some money from your family or friends? Some things that you might not need to sell? Maybe try fundraising or use those crowd funding websites? I think getting something is better than nothing. Being in a financial crisis isn't easy but you and your wife can overcome this so don't lose hope and keep your spirit up. It's only when you feel that you have the power to face this head on, will this situation become better. I find that through my life's ups and downs, life always find a way, so long I don't give up. You can do that too. Speak to a financial adviser or you can go to the financial sub reddit here and seek their advice, as most are experts. Just know that there is always a way when one tries to find it. ",0.6354,positive,hopeful 507,depressed,I just wanted to cry,speaker,3,I appreciate your words of wisdom. Tryin to sell my motorcycle right now. ,0.7269,positive,grateful 508,depressed,Need urgent advice!,speaker,1,"Guys, I'll quickly run down on my past - 2015 I went through some terrible Anxiety and Depression issues, lost a lot of weight fast because I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. Was off work for a month. At the time I just wanted to die. But I came out of it as I went on to anti depressants and was seeing a therapist. Therapist ended up moving away and I went off the anti depressants after a few months as it's not something I want to be on. I met a girl at the beginning of 2016, and have been with her ever since. The entire time I have been with her, I have been a different person. No depression, anxiety, nothing. I feel driven and feel loved/in love with her. Now we have having issues with her Visa as she is from overseas. And the only way I can keep her here with me is to pay 10k for a Visa application + immigration lawyer to handle it, and also marry her. The marriage will be very fast, just a registry and priest. Now the thing is... I am freaking the hell out. I have a million thoughts running through my head and I completely torn. Thinking about her leaving (if she gets sent back to her home country she cannot return here for 3 years) gives me anxiety, depression, I feel I'll be losing someone I love and am petrified of being alone again. On the other hand, getting married at this pace is also freaking me out, as it's so fast and feels forced. I feel like I'll be marrying someone I love but I don't know 100% if I want to marry her yet. So what advice can you guys give? I feel like I'm back in this horrible depression/anxiety state again. Can't eat, can't sleep. Lost about 6 kg in a week! I can't enjoy anything. Don't want to do anything or see anyone. And im starting to manifest more thoughts, like what if i marry her and am miserable, etc.",-0.9867,negative,ashamed 508,depressed,Need urgent advice!,listener_1,2,"Don't pressure into getting married. I have a friend going through this right now. First, you can't just get married and have a spousal visa. It doesn't work like that. Whatever you've been told doesn't make sense that paying for a visa application and then marrying her will keep her here. Also, she can apply for a spousal visa when she gets home if you go to get married in her country. Then, once you are married, the visa takes about 7 months to a year, not three years. And in that time you are both allowed to travel back and forth on a tourist visa. My advice is don't get married just to keep her here. Keep the relationship going, visit her once she goes home (much cheaper than the $10k visa application), talk a lot, and reassess later this year. If you both feel like marriage is what you both want, then you can begin the application process, but you can head over to her country to get married in the meantime and that allows her to apply for a spousal visa. You need to save pictures, emails, letters, texts, cards, etc to prove you had an actual relationship and are not just getting married as a ticket for her to stay. You are in a situation that isn't exactly the norm, but what is like everyone else is that you don't get married if you don't feel 100% like this is what you absolutely want. It will suck for a bit being apart, but in the end, your life will be much better when you finally do decide what you want- either to marry her or not- and you will feel comfortable that you are making the right decision at the right pace. ",0.9389,positive,apprehensive 508,depressed,Need urgent advice!,speaker,3,"thanks for the advice man. But the problem is that she is currently on a protection VISA. And if she gets sent back, there is a re-entry ban for 3 years. Do you know if a spouse Visa overrides this? I'm in Australia by the way.",-0.8176,negative,neutral 508,depressed,Need urgent advice!,listener_1,4,"oh, I have no idea how OZ visa work compared to US, although it is much easier to get into OZ. She needs to avoid being sent back so she doesn't get a re-entry ban. Which means she needs to leave on her own before being forced out. ",-0.8126,negative,neutral 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,speaker,1,"When you realize your SO suffers from PTSD, depression, and suicidal thoughts....you realize how your life will never be normal. Your married life may never be happy and just an exhaustive experience day in day out....",-0.9559,negative,devastated 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,listener_1,2,"Well, I guess think of it this way. You *chose* to marry you SO. Your SO didn't get to chose their lack of a normal life. If you think you are exhausted living *with* someone like that, try putting yourself in the shoes of the person actually living it. ",-0.0516,negative,neutral 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,speaker,3,"Enrages you?! What do you know about me or my so? Can't help them...?! Get the hell of your high horse. I never said in my post that my so is a problem for me. Wow, your need to post this reply enrages me...completely not helpful. I also suffer from depression and do my best to work through my days, I try to do the best I can by him, I'm also just a human--who believe it or not, is also suffering...why would you try to minimize my feelings when I'm in no way minimizing the the suffering of those facing these problems. If you noticed in my post, i didn't say my so HAS these problems, instead I used the word SUFFERs.... pls realize that the family of someone who suffers from these issues is also dealing w a lot of emotions...the other 2 people who commented to my post also didn't agree w me, but their intent was to help me by directing me to focus on the flip side of my feelings....the fact is that I choose to stay w my husband and help him and realize that I need some outside help to keep me strong somedays, this post was a bitter one, but one that needed the support of others, thanks for being completely unkind to someone you don't even know.",0.7202,positive,annoyed 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,listener_2,4,"Yeah, maybe you need to get off your high horse too lady. You didn't explain any of that in your post. Edit: I apologize for being rude, but no one can help you, but yourself and your dedication do your husband. I don't feel like getting into a argument over the Internet. I do hope things work out for you and your husband, and I suggest you get marriage counseling If you want someone helpful advice, best luck to ya. ",0.9375,positive,suggesting 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,speaker,5,"Ok, we can both get of our high horse...in the future, i can share a bit more detail and maybe you can ask some questions before assuming. Thanks and have a nice evening.",0.7845,positive,suggesting 509,depressed,When you realize your life may never be normal...,speaker,6,"Everyone is a little coocoo, I embrace my coocooness most days...we all just need to remember to be empathetic and kind.",0.7984,positive,caring 510,depressed,When no ones there,speaker,1,"When no one responds or is free i tend to feel a disinterest towards everything. Even if my whole week is filled with friends and adventure i will still go to bed earlier than i get tired when im forced to be alone. I'm not angry at them, ive learned that sort of resentment is only self-harming, I honestly don't know what it is. Maybe it is resentment only now directed inwardly instead of outwardly. My brain becomes unfocused, apathetic, and hopeless no matter what i try to accomplish when i get in this mood, though ive always struggled with these feelings. I dont really see any chance of me living the life i hope to. So many people kill themselves over their passions just to find out it was a waste of time, just to listen to everyone else patting(pating?) themselves on the back about how they were like everyone else. This has made me lose my direction. I remember writing all the time. I prided myself on writing differently than others and being able to connect to people through my poetry. It was like that for a while till i vacant an adult. Now when i write it takes me an hour to get off the computer and another two to get off my phone. Then i trudge through lines ill scribble or later. I keep telling myself i need more experience to be a better writer but that's bullshit. I need drugs to keep life interesting. Drugs, alcohol, and prostitutes have been my only motivation to save. I miss being good at guitar. I miss being happy while sober, alone, and un-fucked",0.8851,positive,lonely 510,depressed,When no ones there,listener_1,2,This is dope man,0.0,neutral,jealous 510,depressed,When no ones there,speaker,3,Thanks man. It helped to just write everything out and your comment was very much appreciated. Im guessing you can sympathize with some of this,0.7564,positive,acknowledging 510,depressed,When no ones there,speaker,4,"Thanks for taking the time to read and reply, it really is appreciated. Lonliness is a weird emotion sometimes",0.6983,positive,acknowledging 510,depressed,When no ones there,listener_2,5,"thank you, its always comforting to know someone shares your perspective and I really needed this today",0.7506,positive,acknowledging 510,depressed,When no ones there,speaker,6,"Thanks man. I remember staying in the music room during lunch since i didn't know who to try hanging out with in highschool, guitar was my escape during school. Have you tried picking it up again? I've tried but just can't find my old passion or maybe I'm just weak to the frustration. If you ever want to talk about that shit in here man, or if you ever need a stranger to talk to. Also ill remember to let you know if i ever keep the practice or gain the courage to upload anything of mine",-0.2382,negative,trusting 510,depressed,When no ones there,listener_3,7,"I remember eating in the band room during lunch too. Music helped me through hard times. I haven't considered strongly picking it up. Violins are expensive and while I could play alone with sheet music, there was something about being part of an orchestra and playing together that was a big part of it. I'm not a music major so I can't really afford it as a hobby. But who knows.. Maybe one day I'll find one on craigslist. Anything can happen. Please do man! Even if it's just a sound cloud upload. My brother in law uploads guitar videos and they're great to listen to. There's tons of YouTube videos to help you or teach you new songs. I couldn't ever get into guitar. My fingers didn't want to work at that angle for me. Lol",0.9501,positive,nostalgic 511,depressed,Request for participants – Research on social media and well-being,speaker,1,"Hello! We would like to invite you to participate in an online survey on how social networking sites, like Reddit, can play a role in improving emotional/mental health. This study is being conducted by a group of researchers at Washington University in St. Louis. Eventually, your feedback can help us understand how using social networking platforms to share your experience with others can benefit your emotional health. To participate in our study, please send us a PM so that we can send you the eligibility survey. If you are eligible, you will be directed to the full survey, which should take 15 to 20 minutes to complete. We are also offering several drawings for a $100 Amazon.com gift card for participants who complete the survey. We appreciate your help and if you have any questions, please message wu_psych or post to this thread below.",0.9826,positive,hopeful 511,depressed,Request for participants – Research on social media and well-being,listener_1,2,whats the point... i just can't decide what to do but i stay alive in the fatal hope that maybe something i like will actually happen,0.6956,positive,suggesting 511,depressed,Request for participants – Research on social media and well-being,speaker,3,"Hope is definitely something worth holding on to. If you feel like you want to reach out to someone for additional support here are some resources that might be useful for you: * [7 Cups of Tea](https://www.7cups.com/) is a free on-demand emotion health and well-being service. You can chat one-on-one with compassionate trained listeners, join a group chat or be connected with a therapist near you. 7 Cups also has activities to help take care of yourself like guided meditation, self-help resources and even lets you create your own healthy daily activities to keep you going every day. You can use it as an app or online. * [Mental Health America](http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/im-looking-mental-health-help-myself) will guide you to resources based on your current mental health. Some of the many resources include tips for staying mentally healthy, preparing for conversations with mental health professionals and connecting with a local support group. * [Crisis Textline](http://www.crisistextline.org/) has compassionate and trained people to help text you through any crisis. Text START to 741741 at anytime about any type of crisis. Additional resources can be found here: https://healthbehaviorcenter.wustl.edu/who-we-are/patricia-cavazos-ph-d/resources/",0.9847,positive,agreeing 511,depressed,Request for participants – Research on social media and well-being,listener_2,4,Sometimes that's all you can do. Something good will come eventually. You just have to wait and watch for it.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 512,depressed,Is there any answer,speaker,1,"I am a sophomore in high school and I have been depressed for about a year and a half. I play video games a lot of the time and I don't have the motivation to go work out. I am 5,11 and I weigh 200. I have had family problems and my family is not rich. I've always had the dream of being a youtuber or livestreamer but Im not even motivated to do that. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have had girlfriends, been to high school parties, had sex, and lot of experiences. I know I am young but I feel way older and it's weird to say that I am only 15 and a half. Sometimes I wonder why I am even sad but I just have a negative view about the world and I hate everyone at my school. Everyone just cares about what car you have or if you play on the football team. I know once I go to college or after high school none of it really matters but it's just hard to go to that place everyday. I have talked to therapists and none have helped. I have been taking a pill called vyvanse 20mg and it helps me do my homework and focus in school but I still feel depressed and lonely. I don't know what to do. ",-0.9629,negative,disappointed 512,depressed,Is there any answer,listener_1,2,"It looks like you may be a spam bot. If this action was taken in error please [message the mods](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdepressed) of this subreddit. I am a bot, so don't reply to me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/depressed) if you have any questions or concerns.*",0.3094,positive,annoyed 512,depressed,Is there any answer,listener_2,3,"been feeling kinda sad lately, working out is really a nice stress reliever, should try it. Good luck with all man.",0.7276,positive,wishing 513,depressed,How many people here have friends?,speaker,1,That they spend time with occasionally.,0.0,neutral,surprised 513,depressed,How many people here have friends?,listener_1,2,none,0.0,neutral,lonely 513,depressed,How many people here have friends?,speaker,3,how old were you when you had a lot of friends?,0.4767,positive,questioning 514,depressed,Cut for the first time,speaker,1,"I know that it's wrong... I was desperate. I feel so alone. I don't think I'll ever do it again. My boyfriend is an alcoholic and I am trying to help him through it, bit it's so hard on me. I feel like I have no one to turn to. I'm dealing with my end on my own because I don't want to put more stress on him. He's already depressed as he is... We don't have money for psychiatry or counceling. Who does in the U.S.anymore? Haha",-0.8590000000000001,negative,lonely 514,depressed,Cut for the first time,listener_1,2,"Can you get on medicaid? Even if you can't get assistance, you can google ""your town and low-cost mental health"" or ""your town and substance abuse"" and you will find free or sliding-scale assistance for you bf and for yourself for stress, hopefully. Good luck.",0.5994,positive,consoling 514,depressed,Cut for the first time,listener_2,3,"Sounds like they are working class. Unless they have kids they will be told they make to much money for any help, not only that I'd venture to bet they don't even have proper health insurance for the both of them and as such are to scared to even ask for help because they fear the fine for not having insurance. A lot of people on this sub think ACA helped everyone but it didn't and it has even made some to scared to even ask for the help they need because they know they will be turned away and may face further hardships for attempting to reach out. This countries medical systems are totally fucked at this point. All that being said, OP needs some real help and I hope they can find it. Even if you have to go to the ER. An ER will have some one on staff access you and if they feel you are a danger or yourself or others they will admit you. If you are worried about the cost think of it this way. Better to be here and have a bill to pay then not just not be here anymore. You can't put a price on your life, and if you are a danger to yourself then please, please seek help of some kind.",0.7912,positive,afraid 514,depressed,Cut for the first time,listener_1,4,"I had luck with free clinics that gave me both psychiatric care and talk therapy even in relatively poor States for either nothing or next to nothing before I got onto medicaid and even at one time when I failed to qualify for medicaid in a really poor State cause the standards are so low. It's worth a shot even if it falls through. OP can find a social worker, which is what I did, who did a lot of manuevering through the system for me at a time I couldn't help myself as effectively. I can't hurt. I agree with you 100% that the *in*accessibility of quality healthcare is one of the US's greatest failings. It's shameless, unnecessary and causes immeasurable suffering every day. Unbelievable. ",-0.3099,negative,trusting 514,depressed,Cut for the first time,listener_2,5,"I would never discourage anyone from trying to get help any way they can, however for me it was harder face the system and rejection from it then any help I was ever able to get out of it and often sent me into rage and further depression. Being rejected from a safety net you pay into at your time of need can be as hard or frustrating as the depression itself. ",-0.918,negative,faithful 515,depressed,Let wifey down,speaker,1,I feel like I have let my wife down and failed at being a husband. Just got power disconnected because I could afford to pay and we just got married. So embarrassed and depressed by the fact I could not give her something simple like power. Fml,-0.7583,negative,ashamed 515,depressed,Let wifey down,listener_1,2,Perfect opportunity to force you to do romantic shit with candles. Wives love candles. ,0.8689,positive,excited 515,depressed,Let wifey down,listener_2,3,"Atleast you still have her man, I wish you the best of luck.",0.872,positive,wishing 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,speaker,1,"Okay so, I've been in and out of therapy for 5 years and it's all very clear that I'm bipolar etc etc and all that bullshit. Heard it all too many times. However, there's one thing which I've not told a single human being on this planet and my thoughts really aggravate me. I'm too scared to tell my family, partner or therapist, simply out of shame. So here it is: I have self-destructive thoughts but also think of harming others. I'm intelligent and intellectual enough not to harm others (I would never) but the fact that I still think about it really frustrates me. I've met many people with all sorts of disorders but never met a single person who's had this issue too. I will tell my therapist when the time is right but I just want to be able to pinpoint the issue, what the hell is it that I'm feeling and why?",-0.8208,negative,ashamed 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,listener_1,2,"The time is right now. Without knowing your personal history we can't say what it could be. It might be an urge linked to past trauma, or it might just be another aspect of your bipolar disorder. Either way it's very important that you tell your therapist. They can help you where we cannot.",-0.1796,negative,apprehensive 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,speaker,3,Exactly me.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,speaker,4,"Very true. It all makes more sense now, thanks!",0.7614,positive,agreeing 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,listener_2,5,I have found that CBT kind of helps. Have you figured out any remedies?,0.3197,positive,questioning 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,speaker,6,"I've had CBT for 3 months, it was an absolute catastrophe. New plan is to change to new meds.",-0.6597,negative,devastated 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,listener_2,7,What meds are you taking?,0.0,neutral,questioning 516,depressed,Please Help Me Identify My Problem,speaker,8,Amitriptyline.,0.0,neutral,sad 517,depressed,Feeling hopeless,speaker,1,"So a lot has happened since September, the death of my grandfather, the lose of my childhood home, splitting from my girlfriend of 2 years. Im in my second year of university and on a field trip to Spain i was bullied and assaulted of which the uni did nothing which lowered my confidence in my subject and made me feel rejected within it. I recently had my exams and am 99% sure i failed the most important exam and now look to a future of hopelessness. Im very different to who i was a year ago, i was so bubbly and happy and now i feel as though there is none of that left, i try and take better care of myself to keep me self-loving but im just blank. Ive had counselling which didnt help and i guess im just looking for advice on motivation and words of wisdom to push me through. I also used to be very motivated but now im not. Thanks guys",0.5117,positive,devastated 517,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_1,2,"hi there, having so many events happened to you since Sept, it's normal that you are feeling depressed. I don't think you should feel worse because you are feeling this way, because your feels is a normal response, which shows that you are in tune with your emotions and you are someone that has a caring, loving heart. It's a good thing. With that said; however, I would recommend you to read up on stages of grief and work yourself through it. Don't push yourself through the stages, as it won't work and will only last longer. Read about it and think about where you are and how you might be able to move to work towards the next stage. The best way to overcome negative emotional experiences is through acceptance and processing all of the emotions. As for your uni's lack of response, I'm sorry that you had to experience that but I would also like to let you know that, unfortunately, most uni's will respond that way because they are concerned about their reputation, which is connected to their funding. I don't believe you should lower your confidence in your subject, but know that, in some ways, that is how the world works, it's not always perfect or always right and wrong. The difference is that we make the right choices and not let those bad societal habits get to us. We can't control out external environment but only ourselves. So continue to be the good thoughtful person as you are. As for you exams, given that you are still in school, exams and grades seems to be the world and I""ve been there too. But once you are out of school, you'll realize how unimportant your grades are, unless you want to go to graduate school. Most employers care about your experiences, skills and your credential. No one ever asks about your grades then and such so don't worry too much about it. Cut yourself some slack, as you've been through a lot and just do what you can while you work through the negative emotions. It's very doable. Lastly, if counselling didn't work for you, there are other methods as well, like self help books, forums that are related to your concerns/issues and community services that provide help. In addition, finding a therapist that you can connect with is the most important thing in therapy because when you don't, it'll feel like counselling doesn't work. In the meantime, still keep up trying to do the things that you are interested in, even if you don't feel like to. Still connect with people that you are close with, don't ruminate too much on the past, as it has already happened and focus your energy on the present and your future. Usually when those events happen in life, it's actually a good time to reflect upon your life and figure out where you would like your life to be now. I wish you all the best and I know you will do well. Remember that life will always be ups and downs but it's how you respond to it that is important. ",0.9911,positive,agreeing 517,depressed,Feeling hopeless,speaker,3,"wow, thankyou for your amazing response. ",0.8225,positive,acknowledging 518,depressed,My tank is empty.,speaker,1,"I've staved off suicide for the past... about 10 years through continuous logical debate/argument internally. Some days, the argument lasts only the first few minutes after waking; others, it's still raging when I fall asleep. In every case, I've pushed the line forward, or at least held it fast until reinforcements arrived. But, my troops are depleting. They are hungry, their weapons jamming or just running out of ammunition. They are dirty, tired, and their resolve is faltering from watching their comrades falling next to them, over and over. The line is weakening, and I'm starting to think they are getting cut off. My internal logical arguer has begun developing a stutter. His arguments are becoming... hollow and stale. The other side seems to have research, data, and eyewitness accounts on its side now; my arguer is dropping and misplacing his. I'm burning out, and I'm... concerned. It's becoming attractive in its simplicity, and I'm tired of being placed on hold, rushed ""to get to the point"", and run through a checklist by the crisis lines (I've called multiple over the past two months, when I first noticed the stutter). My support network is in shambles. A victim of attrition, I suppose, as a full time college student. The majority of my social network graduated and went to grad school; I stayed an extra year for a dual degree. My only real support is a micromanager and her quiet husband, who (quite reasonably) must prioritize their children and their own struggle, my ex, who left me and got engaged with her prior ex within 4 days of leaving me, and a friend half the country away. I'm tired of being the superhero I am. Not-Good-Enough Man. I'm tired of being kind, polite, caring, and courteous. Empathetic and sympathetic, open and honest, a listener and a shoulder. It has made be open to drugging and ""experimenting"", having my home invaded while on vacation ""because I wouldn't mind"", and being told I'm ""perfect, the ideal boyfriend"" when getting dumped. I don't even know why I've bothered posting. I deleted before submitting the last two times. I'm ready to give up proper, I just don't know how.",-0.5423,negative,faithful 518,depressed,My tank is empty.,listener_1,2,I am very sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. You are a beautiful writer.,0.5868,positive,sympathizing 518,depressed,My tank is empty.,speaker,3,"Thanks. I've been told I wasn't good enough to publish, but it is nice to hear I'm at least intelligible.",0.7933,positive,acknowledging 518,depressed,My tank is empty.,listener_2,4,That 2nd paragraph is absolutely spot on! Well said.,0.3931,positive,agreeing 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,speaker,1,"I am currently unemployed, but after more than a month, I still don’t have the energy to apply for jobs, or even get out of bed at all. My depression is much more severe than it has been in years, and I feel like a prescription for antidepressants is the only option for helping me. I’ve never been prescribed them before though, and wondering how I should go about it. Several months ago, I got some psychological testing done, and “tested positive” for depression, as well as some other things, like social anxiety. The person who tested me recommended to my doctor that I continue taking Adderall and seeing a therapist. I have also moved into my parents’ house since I have been out of work, so I haven’t been to my therapist in about a month, because she is about 2 hours away. However it is near my girlfriend, so I am typically in the area on weekends. In addition, I have an appointment with my doctor (who is also about two hours away) on the 14th. What steps should I be taking? Should I wait to bring it up with my doctor at the next appointment, and just wait it out until then? Talk to my therapist and ask her for a prescription (she is a psychologist, so I don’t think that she is able to write prescriptions)? Find a local doctor to ask (my regular doctor is very busy, so I doubt I would be able to reschedule the appointment to be any sooner)? Or should I do something completely different? Thanks for reading, and any advice would be very helpful!",0.7005,positive,apprehensive 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_1,2,As fucked up as I am I really shouldnt reccomend anything. Marijuana is a much safer anti depressant though. When I was a kid I watched my dad put a shotgun in his mouth and say he was going to blow his brains out because he couldn't find his paxil. I may be biased but I could never take them for that reason. Weed works wonders for depression as long as you can find it and afford it. If you live in a medical marijuana state you can get a prescription for depression in most states. If you insist on SSRI's you can ask your doctor who probably won't prescribe then if you're under 30. You can also see a psychologist and they can prescribe them. Therapists can't. Good luck with everything and I hope the best. ,-0.8905,negative,apprehensive 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_2,3,">Family/general docs can Rx antidepressants and are usually well-versed enough to know what to prescribe for your run of the mill depression/anxiety. However, it wouldn't hurt for you to do a little legwork before going in so you can give him/her any ideas you have as to which ones might work best for you. No and That's not how it works edit: Do not downvote me, u/dassassypantzen just because you did not like what I said- that is against reddit rules. If you want to stay on this subreddit, I suggest you follow them. What you wrote was both wrong and faulty advice. ",-0.1114,negative,agreeing 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_3,4,"Yes, it actually is. There is nothing wrong with looking into options and presenting them. The doctor will ultimately be the one to decide and prescribe, but a well-versed and educated patient is a good thing.",0.7563,positive,agreeing 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_2,5,"that is not how meds work at all. You can't ""research"" to figure out which one will work best for you, just as you can't ""research"" which blood pressure medication will work best for you. Being a well-versed and educated patient has absolutely nothing to do with apparently giving your doctor ideas of which medications you think will work best for you. That's not how it works, plain and simple. There is zero way, unless you take a blood test or if you have an immediate family member who is on an antidepressant that is working for them, for anyone to know which medication will work for them. Different antidepressant target different brain chemicals, not different symptoms. Whether they help with your individual symptoms can only be told once you try a med. Your information is wrong, please stop spreading misinformation. ",0.9042,positive,agreeing 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_3,6,"Actually, you're the one in the wrong here. Yes, they do target brain chemicals, but *all* antidepressants have target symptoms. There is no blood test to tell you which would work or even whether you have depression. ",-0.8422,negative,neutral 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_2,7,"jesus, you are uninformed, and if you continue, I will ban you from the subreddit for fear of you continuing to pass on false information that can be potentially harmful for other users. This is your last warning. You can stay on this site and offer general depression advice to others, but if you get into the area of medication again, which you have proved repeatedly to be ill-informed while you stubbornly insist you are right, I will remove you from this subreddit. I have to look out for the welfare of other users. For Christ's sake, you can just google ""how do antidepressants work,"" and you will find nothing on separation of antidepressants based which specific symptoms they target. ",-0.8608,negative,agreeing 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_3,8,I'm far from ill-informed. Ban away. http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/tc/antidepressants-for-sleep-problems-topic-overview https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/23229075/ http://www.mayoclinic.org/pain-medications/art-20045647 http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/711111,-0.5574,negative,apprehensive 519,depressed,How do I get an antidepressant prescription?,listener_2,9,"your links apply to examples of co-morbidity. You can't say, ""I am crying all the time so I'll take this med"" versus ""I get irritated all the time so I'll take that med"" versus ""I have no motivation so this med is right for me."" And by the way, even Mayo gives out blood tests to help narrow down. They are often an out of pocket cost, and usually left to try after a few meds failed, so they are not widespread but the fact is that the tests exist. Mayo uses [genesight](https://www.mygenesight.com), but there are some other ones out there. Just stick to being an empathetic ear rather than doling out medical advice. We need more of those responses on here anyway. ",-0.0818,negative,agreeing 520,depressed,What depression feels like to me,speaker,1,"I wanted to share what depression really feels like, but rather then talk about it after the fact when I was in a better mental place (that could change my feelings about it/could devolve into cliché), I decided to record my self during the bout of depression. I discovered that depression (for me at least) is quite physical. I struggle with coordination and talking coherently. I feel physically bound and quite lethargic. There is also an emptiness and absence from feeling. It is not just a feeling of sadness or needing to ‘cheer up’ This is something that I said at the time, which some close friends seem to relate to: “When I am depressed people want to cheer me up, which is a nice sentiment of course, but it doesn't address the issue completely. It is analogous to complaining that you can’t understand a radio and to help, people keep raising the volume. You can hear it just fine, it is the tuning that is the problem"". I decided to release my short talk as a podcast episode. I am sharing my experiences with mental health/traumatic childhood experiences in the hopes that I can help other people to realise that they are not alone. If you want to listen to it: http://www.zachary-phillips.com/realitycheck/012 How does depression manifest for you? I hate the Instagram photos that tend to simplify everything into something like “depression is when you feel nothing, anxiety is when you feel everything, both together are hell”. Whilst they are ‘correct’ in a sense, these kinds of things tend to miss a lot of the nuance and individuality of mental illness. Thoughts? ",-0.9057,negative,sad 520,depressed,What depression feels like to me,listener_1,2,"Sometimes it's like being inside a bubble of water. A sort of isolated coldness is wrapped around me. Sound and sensation are all muted and I'm so, so tired. I just want to sleep. Sometimes it's like carrying a weight inside of my chest, and everything I don't want to feel goes into and makes it swell and I'm so angry and so sad, I want everyone around me to hurt, to feel the way I feel to hurt the way I hurt. Sometimes it's like wanting to crawl out of my own skin. I don't want to be next to myself anymore. I hate the person in my body and I don't want to be them anymore. I wish I could crack myself open and escape. Sometimes I just cry. There's nothing wrong... I just can't stop.",-0.9547,negative,sad 520,depressed,What depression feels like to me,speaker,3,I never cry. I can't. Is that normal?,0.3724,positive,sad 520,depressed,What depression feels like to me,listener_1,4,"It can be. Sometimes I want to cry and can't. Or I can feel something like a scream get stuck and fizzle in my throat. Completely aborted through no will of my own. Impotent emotions just swirling somewhere in my upper chest. I've been grateful for it on occasion actually. But sometimes when I feel like I *need* the catharsis it won't come. And then there are the times when I don't need it. I'm fine and nothing's really wrong, and I just can't stop the tears.",0.1052,positive,sad 520,depressed,What depression feels like to me,speaker,5,"Sometimes I do feel like crying - but I often block it off. I might try the reverse next time and embrace it. It feels like admitting weakness to be honest, but I know the flaws in saying that ",0.4215,positive,ashamed 521,depressed,"Pretty sure I'm dead, I want to die so much but I can't bring myself to do it, so I push away all my relationships",speaker,1,"I'm completely alone with nowhere to go. No friends, no family cause I don't fit in. And the only person left was my ex girlfriend who I broke up with months ago. I pushed her away with my depression episodes. She tried to help me again and I did the same thing. I hurt everyone I'm around. My family, coworkers, I just can't help myself. And when I get like this I drink to calm things down but it's never really solving anything. I just sit in my bedroom with the door locked silently drunk playing games. I try to do everything in my power to get a grip, but this depression keeps pulling me back down, no one can help me and I'm just ready to die. There is nothing left for me. I can't afford therapy, I'm on edge of my job, and I can't for the life of me get a grip on my emotions. I can't date cause I'm just enthusiastic or just get bored too easily. I Just want to sit alone and slowly rot and peace.",-0.7848,negative,lonely 521,depressed,"Pretty sure I'm dead, I want to die so much but I can't bring myself to do it, so I push away all my relationships",listener_1,2,"I have felt like that a lot. I still fall into states where I vape all day and play tablet games. I 'wake' up around 5pm just before my boyfriend gets home and make a mad dash to clean and get dinner started. I'm waiting until March when my benefits lock in from work to go to the doctor and get some antidepressants. I have been hurting a long time and I feel ready to start the journey of self love. I hope you can find some help. I used to have zero grip on my emotions too. I don't have the best grip right now either but I find that just letting the feelings sit helps. Sometimes I write out my thoughts. It's never like ""I feel like this because of this"" nope, it's usually a page of random words of random sizes in different directions or handwriting. One time I filled a page with the word 'sad' and I felt a little better after. Crying is very cathartic. If I can't get a grip I watch sad YouTube videos to make myself cry.",-0.7425,negative,hopeful 521,depressed,"Pretty sure I'm dead, I want to die so much but I can't bring myself to do it, so I push away all my relationships",speaker,3,"Thanks for commenting. That's how I usually get over the depression at the moment, I'm I'm not drunk I'll be writing things on tumblr and Reddit. ",0.0608,positive,grateful 522,depressed,I don't know what to do with my college life,speaker,1,"Hello, new to this sub and thought I could post here to get some useful feedback. I wanted to share the fact that I started college right after high school. I started literally the following week after my graduation. I go to my local community college and I really do love it. They give me lots of resources and the campus is beautiful but I've got to say it's got the shittiest counselors I have ever fucking met in my life. No joke. These counselors don't update you on major transfer requirements and you kind of just hang there on a loose string trying to figure out what the hell to do next at times. They just do the bare minimum which is plan out your two year schedule. Anyway, I had a plan to major in psychology and I planned out my entire schedule for the two years. I thought I knew what I was doing. I've been in college for almost a year now and I realized the other day that I no longer want to major in psychology because I'm too afraid of learning about abnormal psychology since I'm a hypochondriac (health anxiety problems & whatnot). I feel so depressed that one class phases me so much to the point that I'm literally giving up my dream of being a therapist & psychology professor. I feel that I've failed and it's kind of late to just start all over now. I just want to drown in my own tears from how miserable this is. I wish I wasn't so anxiety ridden. I don't know what the fuck to do with my life and I feel like shit. I want to continue on with my dream but I feel like I can't. ",-0.9882,negative,disgusted 522,depressed,I don't know what to do with my college life,listener_1,2,It's all going to be okay,0.2263,positive,trusting 522,depressed,I don't know what to do with my college life,speaker,3,I hope,0.4404,positive,encouraging 522,depressed,I don't know what to do with my college life,listener_1,4,You are loved!!!!!!!!! That's all u need!!!!!!!!! I'll take care of you :3,0.9112,positive,caring 522,depressed,I don't know what to do with my college life,speaker,5,I love you too! I will take care of you too,0.8268,positive,caring 523,depressed,Has anyone had anyexpieriences taking Paxil?,speaker,1,"I want to chose one that will help with anxiety and panic, but with low side effects. anyone know if Paxil is any good? Also where can I buy it?",0.264,positive,questioning 523,depressed,Has anyone had anyexpieriences taking Paxil?,listener_1,2,"You have to be prescribed it by a doctor, though ideally it should be through a psychiatrist. You can't just buy it. And you need to be monitored by a doctor while on any prescription medication.",0.4215,positive,apprehensive 523,depressed,Has anyone had anyexpieriences taking Paxil?,listener_2,3,"Also, my depression and anxiety are currently being treated by a myriad of medications that most people wouldn't even hear about. Only through doctors/pediatricians/ therapists can you access these medications. Don't give up though! Talking and asking for help will only let things get better! ",0.1984,positive,hopeful 524,depressed,I don't want to kill myself but I'm slipping into depression,speaker,1,"I'm 16 going on 17, I'm quite young compared to a lot of the their users on this page, I'm fairly new to Reddit but it seems like there are far more knowledgeable people here than I. To give some backstory in my life, I do part time work in YouTube, which I find great because of the immediate gratification of getting paid/ getting feedback. I can never apply the same logic to school work ethic. I've never seen my life go anywhere past 20, I said to myself no matter what if my life isn't going to way I want it to by 20, or feel the same way as I do now. I would kill myself. I don't want to really feel this way and I seem to have every reason to do it right now, and 2 reasons not to exactly. I'm in no way scared of death, I'm in no way scared of dying, the two things that keep me here are that my girlfriend of 7 months writing this (teenage first love cliche is cliche) is amazing and the effect it would have on my family for whoever would have to move the body. I don't ever see a point in getting up in the morning, I do an amazing job hiding how I feel from everyone, YouTube really helps with learning how to talk to people I guess. I've felt this way for a years time now and a day doesn't pass that I don't think about my 20th. The cause is mainly from stress at school but never passes, I hate the way my life is and have since I was 15, only subsiding in brief periods. I've been called a failure at least once by everyone, myself included, the only other thing I would ask is please don't assume this isn't a problem because of my age and that it's only been a year. Don't answer in the mindset that I'm just having a bad day. Tldr; is there something you would have told yourself to help before it reached the point of no return? ",0.9555,positive,confident 524,depressed,I don't want to kill myself but I'm slipping into depression,listener_1,2,">is there something you would have told yourself to help before it reached the point of no return If your depression is severe, chronic depression rearing it's ugly head, then there is nothing you can say or do to shake it off or get better. Because the issues that make you depressed aren't external, they're internal. >I said to myself no matter what if my life isn't going to way I want it to by 20, or feel the same way as I do now. I would kill myself. 20 is by no means old enough to have your life together and going the way you want it to. 20 is still pants around ankles get your shit together age. You should look into finding a therapist to talk with about your depression, and a psychiatrist to diagnose you as to whether or not you have chronic depression.",-0.9847,negative,faithful 524,depressed,I don't want to kill myself but I'm slipping into depression,listener_2,3,"though most of what you said it true, external plays as much as a role, sometimes moreso, than internal. The OP said himself that the cause is mainly school. Though, school won't change, so then like you said, the OP can't just shake it off. This is where the therapy comes in to give coping mechanisms, identify problems and thinking patterns to tackle, and possibly the addition of medication from a psychiatrist. ",0.6593,positive,agreeing 525,depressed,Does anyone care,speaker,1,"I just sat in my room and thought does anyone care about me , would anyone remember me if I die.i don't have any family or a SO live on school campus. Help",0.7096,positive,lonely 525,depressed,Does anyone care,listener_1,2,"Hey. I know these feelings you're having. People do care, but unfortunately aren't very good at seeing how much pain you're in. You need to reach out for help from someone. Can you try connecting with counseling and psychological services on campus as a first step? Keep fighting the good fight, friend. You matter and you are cared about.",0.0428,neutral,caring 525,depressed,Does anyone care,speaker,3,I'm afraid to be consiered weak ,-0.4404,negative,apprehensive 525,depressed,Does anyone care,listener_1,4,"I get that. My uncle felt that way too, and his whole life became consumed with his mental illness. He went through a few divorces and increasingly isolated himself. He could never bring himself to seek help, and eventually, he committed suicide. I miss him all the time, and my eyes are welling up even now typing this. I know that it feels like weakness to ask for help, and it's scary; it's something I struggle a lot with too. But when I see other people seeking help, I never think they are weak. Asking for help is brave, and I admire that in other people. We're not supposed to be completely alone and do all of the hard things by ourselves -- we are social animals. Most people love being useful, and would love a chance to help someone else in a real way if only they knew how to or were given a chance. It's ok that you are afraid to be considered weak. Let yourself be ok with feeling that. But seek help anyway. At a place like counseling and psychological services, no one is going to think you are weak. They are there because they want to help you. How are you doing today? ",0.99,positive,apprehensive 525,depressed,Does anyone care,speaker,5,"I'm feeling much better now, Thanks for asking :) I really don't know what hapened that day i felt so depressed , and didn't find anyone to talk to ",0.6198,positive,lonely 526,depressed,I feel like a useless piece of human existence,speaker,1,I'm 25 and going nowhere in life my parents are not proud of me at all every job I have I keep getting let go people that o thought where my friends at work treat me like shit like they don't even know me anymore I'm just angry at everything now ,0.08900000000000001,positive,angry 526,depressed,I feel like a useless piece of human existence,listener_1,2,"hey, i had a part in my life that was similar. I just want to let you know what i kept in my mind was ""i am important, God has a place for me."" Talk to your mom and dad. Tell them how you feel, if they don't support you. Then prove them wrong. keep pushing! I used to enjoy writing down how i feel and preceding to burn it or trash it. If you like video games. have you tried coding? Best wishes!(message me whenever)",0.8529,positive,questioning 526,depressed,I feel like a useless piece of human existence,speaker,3,It makes things worse when my husband says awful stuff to me.,-0.7269,negative,angry 526,depressed,I feel like a useless piece of human existence,listener_2,4,"I understand since unfortunately it's been my personal experience that when things start going down hill, everything follows suit. Nobody stands for you or even seems to want too. I can't speak as to your husband or to your surroundings, but the thing I can say is this. You aren't alone, you will get through this, and there are people who will want the best for you. I know this as the sky is blue, why? Cause I'm a stranger online, barely know you and I am rooting for you. Is there anyone you can talk to?",0.847,positive,trusting 527,depressed,"Miserable, Depressed, and Lonely",speaker,1," Summer going into freshman year. All of Freshman year (weekends, holidays, etc.) Summer going into sophomore year. All of Sophomore year (weekends, holidays, etc.) Summer going into junior year. All of junior year (weekends, holidays, etc.) Summer going into senior year. All of Senior year (weekends, holidays, etc.) Summer going into first semester of college. All of first semester (weekends, holidays, etc.) Thats all fucking wasted time spent by myself. every weekend. every summer. every holiday. spent at home in my room by myself. I wake up, eat, stay in my room all day and play videogames and watch youtube videos, take a shower and go to bed. for about 5 years now. I never had real friends in highschool preety much I met ""my friends"" at lunch for 28 minutes every day and that was it. I have had no social life for about 5 years now. Going that long with no friends or anything social happening in my life is slowly killing me. I'm all alone, no friends, nothing going for me in life and that still continues now. I'm too much of a pussy to commit suicide, but I absolutely hate life and every night I fall asleep hoping I won't wake up. I literally have zero positive memories and havent even had that many positive moments. It's been like this my entire life and I don't see anything changing in the future. Not only would I have been better off never existing. It would also spare my parents the stress of raising a disappointment. - I've never had a girlfriend/kissed a girl/still a virgin (virtually impossible without a social life, no opportunities) - I've never had facebook/bebo/myspace/twitter/instagram (haven't got any friends to do so - I have very few contacts on my mobile phone (around 10 say at most)",-0.0191,neutral,excited 528,depressed,Help,speaker,1,"Lately, I've felt more like a place holder than a friend, daughter, and girlfriend. I just want to die. I want to stop wasting space. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be a place holder anymore. I just want to be free. ",0.238,positive,lonely 528,depressed,Help,listener_1,2,Keep your chin up <3 ,0.0,neutral,neutral 528,depressed,Help,speaker,3,I'm trying -- thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 528,depressed,Help,speaker,4,I ask myself that every day...,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 528,depressed,Help,speaker,5,thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 529,depressed,Love sexual stuff but never feel like masturbating?,speaker,1," i'm not a virgin and my first time went pretty well, my second boyfriend was a horny person like me so we were sexually active and the closest i was into hitting orgasm was while he was giving me oral sex. When i was 15 years old i used to watch a lot of porn but never really felt that urge to masturbate intensely? It wasn't weird for me at the time but when i lost my virginity at the age of 18. My depression started to come above about when i was 16 years old and thats when i started watching way less porn but still was a horny person in general and felt like doing sexual stuff. I started taking anti-depressants when i was 17 and actually really helped me, i lost weight, my grades in school were better and i was building some kind of confidence even tho my self esteem still broken until this day.Anyways, im 19 years old now and i still dont feel like masturbating even tho i have big sexual desires.",0.12,positive,ashamed 529,depressed,Love sexual stuff but never feel like masturbating?,listener_1,2,"27yo straight female here and I feel like there is no way for me to say this without sounding weird?... But masturbate anyway. It's like when you don't want to go to the gym, but you thank yourself for pushing yourself to do it when you get done. I only say this because you sound like me when I was your age (I know that sounds pretentious and I'm sorry). While anti-depressants can help you in some areas, they can really throw you off your natural balance in others, so knowing where to counteract is super important. Anyway, self love is never bad thing and there's nothing wrong with loving yourself physically. It's especially a million times better than loving the wrong person, let me tell you. Best of luck to you in your endeavors and I do hope you find what you are looking for. ",0.995,positive,embarrassed 529,depressed,Love sexual stuff but never feel like masturbating?,speaker,3,thank you so much for your comment and i totally will give it a try. Best of the luck for you too <3 ,0.8658,positive,wishing 529,depressed,Love sexual stuff but never feel like masturbating?,listener_1,4,"Of course, thank you <3 back",0.3612,positive,wishing 530,depressed,Sister diagnosed with depression,speaker,1,I just want to know if there's anything I can do for her? Any pointers? Just anything. The doctors says to keep a close eye on her. I just want to help really badly.,-0.1162,negative,caring 530,depressed,Sister diagnosed with depression,listener_1,2,"You could try talking to her about what she is feeling, if she wants to I would not force it. You could hang out do something together you both like. It's hard to do something that does not seem like you are just doing it because she is depressed. I know it feels like there is nothing you can do, just treat her like normal. Sorry, depression is a hard thing to help with because the person is most of the time not willing to do anything or talk because of their thoughts of despair. It also depends on how severe the depression is. ",-0.7514,negative,sympathizing 530,depressed,Sister diagnosed with depression,speaker,3,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 531,depressed,"At college, in need of a friend",speaker,1,"Been going through some tough times. I don't really want to talk about them but I would really appreciate someone to just text or play games with every once in a while to keep my mind going and keep me strong. I'm 17 years old, I'm not with my age group and not able to make friends, and I'm very afraid of the thoughts going on in my head. If there's anyone out there open to just chatting with me and being a friend, please reach out.",0.9739,positive,trusting 531,depressed,"At college, in need of a friend",listener_1,2,"hey, if you need to talk feel free to message me",0.5106,positive,acknowledging 531,depressed,"At college, in need of a friend",speaker,3,Steam - Daddy Wigwam ,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 531,depressed,"At college, in need of a friend",speaker,4,"sure, message me",0.3182,positive,questioning 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,speaker,1,"So I never really ever wanted to post on this subreddit. I use to go on this subreddit to know my life is good and there's people out there that have a harder life than mine and I should always be happy with that. But unfortunately I've fallen on hard times and it's hurting me. I already see the side effects of being depressed. I'm not maintaining good calorie intake and just not hungry. I'm waking up extremely early. Out of all possible ways of depression... its love. I had this this thing for this girl for a long time now. Just about a year. I never really told her how I felt about her because I never wanted to commit since she's my best friends sister and I always thought it was awkward and I needed to find a new girl. But I enlisted into the Army National Guard and went to Basic Training. We wrote to each other all the time and talked on the phone when ever I had the opportunity. I truly fell in love with her then knowing she appreciates me enough to write me letters every week. My battle buddies would always find ways to snatch my letters and read them and tell me that she really does like me and I should make a move on her when I get back. I come home just a few days before Valentines Day. I deiced to do something for her. I brought her dinner and flowers to her work. She was very thankful for it and kept mentioning it to me. I thought it was going to give her the thought I really do love her. Instead it was the worst decision I could of done. She completely ignores me now she wont open any of my snapchats but when she does 1 or 2 hours later she wont respond; same goes for texts. I get to personally see her tomorrow so I was going to pop the question if she has feelings for me or not. It's just something I have to do. I already know the answer but just need to be 100% sure. I know she's going to say No she doesn't and I'm going to go through the phase of rejection and feeling unloved (went through the feels in high school). I literally tried my best to make sure this girl was happy. Bought her nice things for his Birthday and Christmas. She was always thankful for my gifts as I was for when she bought me gifts for my birthday or Christmas. I know it's late and no one will probably read this by tomorrow when I ask her. It's just something I felt like venting about. I left out a lot about me and hers friendship. We would go out to eat, hangout, shopping, and just talk all the time, just were never boyfriend girlfriend. I hate being heart struck by a girl you'd do anything for then knowing all those dates we went on were for nothing. All the gifts we got each other were for nothing. All the times I showed comfort and security. All for nothing. Just fuck me and the time I wasted on you. It's just a bitch move instead of telling me, she plays these games on me. Literally ostracize me from being her friend. Obviously since she's my best friends' sister I can't call her up, and say why are you acting so differently and being such a cunt? She was my motivation during Basic Training when its 1 o'clock in the morning and I have a 65 pound back pack on marching 12 miles from a 7 day long battle exercise, sleeping in a 5 foot deep foxhole. Just gazing upon the endless amount of stars. Knowing I get to see her after this was my motivation. Now knowing it was false hope. Women just know how to attack your emotions and rather not care. I just hate how she lead me on for so long but then just drops me. Tried going out last night to the bars to try and get my mind off it. Wasn't having fun like I use to since I was keep looking at my phone hoping to have a notification from her. I do admit it is partially my fault. I should of told her her my feeling way before. I could of possibly avoided this. Just really sad. I have no motivation now to go to school. Much rather just volunteer for a deployment and go to Afghanistan at this point. Sorry about my grammar :/",0.9805,positive,sad 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,listener_1,2," I just want you know that I stumbled into this subreddit at 2 AM, and found your post to be incredibly relatable. I've loved a girl for over a year, we talked, shared food, waved and smiled at each other. Nothing gives me more happiness than her smile. But over the past two months, we've grown distant, and I think she likes someone else. My only suggestions are as follows: 1) She's still just a human. Sometimes, humans need to make new friends, have new experiences, have some fun. Be happy that she's not lonely enough to *need* your presence. 2) Try finding a new hobby to keep your mind off of her. Nothing gives me the happiness boost I need like doing something new on my own, without it being a suggestion from someone else. I usually do this by turning off my brain and letting my subconscious sift through random topics. Sorry if my comment is unhelpful or has bad grammar; I'm probably too young to be giving you advice on a topic like this. ",0.9916,positive,suggesting 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,speaker,3,she texted me today. Everything is cleared up and I'm in the friendzone for eternity with what she said. It sucks but yeah.,0.3071,positive,acknowledging 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,listener_2,4,"I just read your story, sorry things turned out the way they did. I have a feeling she wasn't saying no to ""hurt you"", she was probably interested in some other guy? Just a guess. Either way, I hope you find love in the future :)",0.949,positive,sympathizing 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,speaker,5,Thx for response forgot to put update. She turned out hardcore friend zoning me. ,0.6908,positive,annoyed 532,depressed,Tomorrow is going to be hard.,listener_3,6,She knew what she was doing and milking it... Sorry man.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 533,depressed,I'm sad and lonely,speaker,1,"It's Sunday evening here in my university's hostel. I'm stoned and alone, listening to songs on my headphones. I never get invited when people go out to have fun or when there's a party happening. It's not like people are terrible to me but I don't feel invited anywhere. I've been trying to be nice to people, I'm an introvert but I don't know what I've been doing wrong. Goes without saying that I'm a virgin. No distractions are working, I've been stoning too much and I get bad trips like this one. ",-0.237,negative,lonely 533,depressed,I'm sad and lonely,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear that bud. My Uni experience would've been similar except I managed to meet a couple friends in my class quite early on. First off, I recommend laying off on the weed, it won't help! Believe me. Secondly, as an introvert myself I understand what you're experiencing. It's a hard circle to break out of because the more isolated you become the more you tend to shy away. It might be worth trying to befriend somebody else who is also quiet as you instantly have something in common. It's hard to do at times but if you can try and talk to people it will help open social doors for you. It doesn't matter what you talk about, Uni work, music, weed, whatever. Don't worry about the virgin thing. You've the rest of your life to sort that out. However There's no point in telling anyone either so I recommend keeping it to yourself when socialising/making friends etc. Good luck and no matter what happens, enjoy your Uni experience. You'll likely only experience it once. ",0.9768,positive,sympathizing 533,depressed,I'm sad and lonely,listener_2,3,"It's either would **HAVE** or would**'VE**, but never would **OF**. See [Grammar Errors](http://www.grammarerrors.com/grammar/could-of-would-of-should-of/) for more information.",0.0,neutral,angry 534,depressed,How To Stop Negative Comparative Thinking,speaker,1,"I am rebuilding after having an emotional breakdown, going bankrupt and going through a divorce. I was very established but the GFC and mid life crisis wiped me out. I am out of bankruptcy and are making ok money with some reasonable prospects. I have moved to another city to keep away from old memories and have a great relationship with my son and working relationship with me ex wife. Recently I met with extended family whom I have had little to do with in the recent past. Since seeing them I am being bombarded with negative comparative thoughts. My mind keep turning to how established and comfortable and relaxed their lives are compared to mine. I've never been an envious person, but for last 2 weeks I have been obsessed with these thoughts and they are making me glum. I feel like I am slipping into depressions and I am hoping someone knows of some exercises that can help 'block' these thoughts? ",0.6879,positive,content 534,depressed,How To Stop Negative Comparative Thinking,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry, i know this will sound cliche as all get out but writing down a list of things you are thankful for and adding to it every day can help to let go of feeling less than others.",0.8807,positive,sympathizing 534,depressed,How To Stop Negative Comparative Thinking,speaker,3,I LIKE THAT IDEA !!,0.5882,positive,acknowledging 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,speaker,1,"what i wanted out of life, I'll never have. No one spends time with me or listens to me When i have someone to talk to they either rush on to something more important than how i feel or move so far away there is no chance I will ever see them again. no one cares if i live or die I wish i was never born, my parents were selfish to have me as i was never wamted by them. I was their temporary child till their perfect child was born and then i was cast away. They never asked me how i was or wanted to know me as a person. If I couldnt be a perfect person they didnt wamt me. No one loves me for who i am on the inside. People act like i dont exist when they see someone else coming through the aisle(movie aisle, church, grocery store}they get out of the way. When its my turn they just ignore me and wont listen when ive said 'excuse me ' politely 10 times over. I am always forced to go around other people while i never make anyone else go around me. i sit alone in a corner during meetings meanwhile everyone else has someone to chat happily with sitting right next to them. When I am about to turn to one side or the other to have someone to talk to, their already engaged in conversation. i always got picked on every day at school (bullied) from kindergarten to twelfth grade and the parents never asked me why i was happy to leave and sad every time i came home. They never cared to find out whether i was being treated alright. i actuallly was ALWAYS picked last to join a team in gym i always wanted to be married and have a large family, im almost 50 now and now that will never happen and i have nothing to look forward to. I keep praying God will just let me die. ",-0.8262,negative,disappointed 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,listener_1,2,"I am very sorry about your situation. No one should feel like that. We are all dealt very different cards, we can have a shit hand, and one after another, but you have to learn to bluff your way to the next round, take risks and win what you can, don't count your losses. Eventually, you will get a win, and the pot may be substantial. I apologise for the metaphor but I've learned to look at things this way and it has been helpful (on occasions, not always). Please read your own post, and you may realise that you have a lot of demands, a lot of them are reasonable for normal people to have friendships and relationships, but please consider putting yourself in positions where you meet these demands for other people; Offer to help others when people seem to ignore those in need, invite people to lunch. Sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help others. My depression is something that constantly affects me, but one thing that helped was when I volunteered to be a youth leader at my church, putting a smile on the young faces, being appreciated by parents and other members of the church made me feel so much better. Long-lasting damage from childhood is not easy to deal with, I can relate. I would encourage you to seek some sort of therapy to help with that. I myself have been considering it because I'm not great at managing my stress, anxiety and depression. Being generally positive affects other people's perception of you, it opens the door for interaction with them. I pray that God will open doors for you and provide for your needs in a way you wouldn't imagine. ",0.9914,positive,sympathizing 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,speaker,3,"Yes about the demands and my attempting to fullfill them for others...ive been working to give to others what i have not recieved my whole life without expecting any return on the effort. and it does a good job at times to distract me from the abject loneliness....but i am afraid that if you felt my doing so would bring about a change from what has become the overriding pattern of my life, me as in recieving some part or parcel of what i am attempting to give others into my own life, it has not worked out to be the case...but i still agree the attempt to help another is more than worth the effort even if there is no direct payback healing the open wound that caused my to give compassionat service in ther first place. The attempt to help others is worth the effort in amd of itself.",0.9038,positive,apprehensive 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,speaker,4,Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. May the day soon arrive when those of good conscience work together to make this world a place where all feel accepted and cared for as the special people they are. ,0.9531,positive,grateful 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,speaker,5,I am not certain exactly how to take your response to what is the essence of a very painful and lonely existence in this life that I have experienced. On one hand you seem to want to encourage me whilst on the other hand want to make me feel likethe very real pain I have had in my life is nothing more than fluff. Please try to find a way in the future not to inflict another emotional scar on someone by rejecting their view point of their life experience totally out of hand in the fashion you seem to have done with mine. The day may come when you will wish for some one to show compassion to you when a hope or dream of yours that is nacent to the very nature of your being goes unfullfilled. I only hope in that moment you recieve better treatment from others than I feel I have recieved from you.,0.9582,positive,annoyed 535,depressed,Depression/Self Hatred Carousel,listener_2,6,"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to reject your view but you didn't get what I was saying. Your pain is very real I get that. When a person is down and out he tends to roll around in pain, seek approval, rest. But inevitably one day he'll feel strong enough to go out and seek his higher self once more. When you feel you're ready feel free to pm me to discuss for I never mean ill will.",0.8974,positive,sympathizing 536,depressed,i feel lonely..,speaker,1,"i'm not good at expressing how i feel + my main language isn't english so excuse me if i dont make myself clear :/ i've been feeling kinda sad lately cause im supposed to start college next year, but i haven't even decided which career i wanna study or what uni i wanna go to. All i do is spend time on the internet, playing videogames, etc. Don't really have any real friends that i would like to spend time with going out and stuff.. Wish there was a way that i could just not exist anymore.. so that way i dont feel bad for not doinh anything to help myself. I'm just as afraid of living as i am of dying. ",0.9531,positive,lonely 536,depressed,i feel lonely..,listener_1,2,"Well you already hold the keys to your freedom. Knowing that simple bit in your last line is the key to your release. You are aware you fear living. Everyone in some ways at some point fear dying, it's natural. However for some of us its also fear of living, being a human, having thoughts opinion and feelings. Fighting between social,, cultural, and and age expectations I feel leads to a lot of issues. As if we will be questioned and judged on what we can admit to the world much less our self's.",-0.4404,negative,apprehensive 536,depressed,i feel lonely..,speaker,3,thanks a lot man,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 537,depressed,depression isn't a life sentence,speaker,1,"you can all move though it. try not to make it such a big deal like everyone in this society does. so what your depressed and want to lie in bed all day. that's natural for depression. people who try and force you to do shit you cant do. don't feel guilty about it. you can get better, its ok. and to everyone who doesn't understand, fuck them. most people don't understand that depression is a real thing, its not just oh, you feel down today or you decided not to get out of bed. nobody decided not to get out of bed it wasn't a decision its like saying you decided you where tired so you fell asleep. no, you became tired and fell asleep. and forcing someone to do shit while they are depressed and feeling a certain way, which is almost physical pain is close to abuse. like any condition it needs a cure, and not patronising comments like ""just smile"" or ""try harder"" because that is not how it works. sorry for the negativity i just have to let it out. Sometimes Getting Better requires us to stop trying to feel better",-0.8561,negative,neutral 537,depressed,depression isn't a life sentence,listener_1,2,Thanks for posting something positive,0.7579,positive,acknowledging 537,depressed,depression isn't a life sentence,speaker,3,your welcome. we deffinatly need it👍,0.4588,positive,wishing 537,depressed,depression isn't a life sentence,speaker,4,"trust yourself, do some research into nutrition",0.5106,positive,agreeing 538,depressed,I wrote this poem,speaker,1,"Please, interpret it however you like. I'd be glad to here your interpretations. - *My will to live* *Is nowhere to be found* *I’m screaming inside* *But I make not a sound* *Every thought is a battle* *Every breath is a war* *And I don’t think* *That I’m winning anymore* *The sun goes down* *Down I go too* *Deep in my head* *It’s like deja vu* *I can’t sleep sometimes* *And I know exactly why* *I sit on my bed* *And I try not to cry* *Because all that’s happening* *Is purely my fault* *But what can I do* *If my heart comes to a halt* *If you think I’m sad* *I’ll tell you I’m fine* *Just know that I’ll repeat the last line*",0.6012,positive,devastated 538,depressed,I wrote this poem,listener_1,2,">Is purely my fault I relate to this strongly except for this line. I know depression is NOT my fault. How can real depression, major, biological depression, endogenous depression, be anyone's fault? We have no power over it.",-0.9603,negative,agreeing 538,depressed,I wrote this poem,speaker,3,"Well for me, what caused me to be so heartbroken is my fault, and it's how I keep myself from getting mad at the world when I'm the one to blame.",-0.9134,negative,sad 539,depressed,I told my mom about how i feel,speaker,1,"i've been feeling sad for a while now and been keeping all that to my self and never really talked about it with anyone. I decided i'd share it with her cause i thought it would be a way to help myself feel better, she told me that if i needed help she would support me, probably going to see a psychologist soon. Hopefully it helps me out as much as it does being in this subreddit, i feel like this is one of the only places i feel safe.. and i wanna say thank you for that. ",0.9674,positive,trusting 539,depressed,I told my mom about how i feel,listener_1,2,"Good on you for sharing your feelings with someone. I genuinely mean that. When you internalize and bottle up your feelings for too long, they can compound and fragment, causing more problems. I'm 23, and I've had pretty chronic depression off/on (mostly on) since I was about 15-16. I've seen therapists and psychologists, and considering MY experience, here's my one bit of input- The psychologists I've seen will talk to me for like 5-10 minutes to get a feel for my mood, shoot me a prescription and then subtly push me out the door. It felt cold, like I was some meager customer. Therapists will talk, but it usually takes a while to find one who you click with. I've had to bounce around multiple therapists to find a good fit. A few of them seemed like they didn't really care, like it was just a job to them. One guy I saw was horrible. Seemed like he was always just waiting to get off work to go play golf or something. He didn't help me dig into myself at all. That kinda hurt my soul a little, since I don't have much of a support system. But I eventually found a really awesome woman and it went well. I stopped going when I started to feel better. Don't do that. Keep going, stay on top of it for a while, even if you start to feel better. Same with meds. If you choose to use them, don't stop just because you feel happier. Be consistent. Be well, and good luck my friend! ",0.9914,positive,trusting 539,depressed,I told my mom about how i feel,listener_2,3,"You say psychologists gave you scripts, but I think you probably meant psychiatrists right? As far as I know, psychologists can't write prescriptions. I'm new to this sub, but really dog how compassionate you all are so far. ",0.6903,positive,trusting 539,depressed,I told my mom about how i feel,speaker,4,"Thanks a lot man, really helps out a lot!",0.7257,positive,acknowledging 539,depressed,I told my mom about how i feel,listener_1,5,Yea sorry ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",speaker,1,"I lie awake thinking, I can't get my mind to stop, I feel hopeless, I realize I'm going to spend my life working a job I hate to pay bills I never asked for and loan payments on a degree I will never get to use. I'm tired but I just can't sleep, and it hurts. Everything hurts lately.i don't want to die, or live, it's strange really. I can't see any hope in my own future, and everyone wants to throw platitudes at me about how it ""gets better"" does it? Or do we all work for peanuts every day for people who don't even see us as human or valuable only to barely scrae by and device ourselves into thinking it's ""better"" to not have free time and to work ourselves to death? Idk..",-0.9305,negative,sad 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",listener_1,2,"Ohyes, I've definitely felt that ""Don't want to live/die"" feeling. It's strange, but I think it's just our mind's way of saying ""I don't know how to get out of the situation i'm in"". Our own perspective on life can play a part on how we see the world. For example, there are other places that pay well for better work. That's just an example. Keep your options open, look for new opportunities. Who knows what will open up in the future? Stay happy, my friend :)",0.9813,positive,agreeing 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",speaker,3,"Hard to ""stay"" something you have wholely forgotten how to be on anything deeper than a surface level... In addition that argument that because some places pay well I should be happy is BS. It'd take over $1000 a month for me to even start to scratch the interest from my loans, that's a LOT to leave up to luck on finding a place that MIGHT pay well",0.7964,positive,angry 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",listener_1,4,"Hmm, since i'm bad with numbers, I can suggest posting on: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/ If any place can assist with money issues on reddit, it's there. Sorry I'm not too great of a help, I do hope you are able to overcome these issues with confidence. I sincerely wish you well on freeing yourself from these problems. Best of luck, dear friend!",0.9698,positive,wishing 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",speaker,5,"Is OK, also the people on that sub are... Insane.... I've posted before and basically got told if I EVER spend money on anything more than a box of saltines and some ketchup that I'm living wrong",-0.7003,negative,agreeing 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",listener_2,6,Ketchup is absolutely disgusting. Way to ruin a perfectly good tomato.,-0.101,negative,disgusted 540,depressed,"Can't sleep, nothing new there",speaker,7,"I hope you're right, I just tend to dread that I WONT be able to end with a smile because I'll not actually do anything worthwhile or live out any of my dreams",0.7579,positive,sad 541,depressed,i'm,speaker,1,depressed ,-0.5106,negative,sad 541,depressed,i'm,listener_1,2,"However you feel right now, just know that there is someone out there in the world who cares about you. I genuinely want you to feel happy again. I hope you feel better, friend :)",0.9584,positive,caring 541,depressed,i'm,speaker,3,"thank you that is so sweet. i hope so too, i'm trying to find my happy again. ❤ your support and others support is what helps me through the rough times ",0.9762,positive,encouraging 542,depressed,25 and an undergrad,speaker,1,"So I'm at a service academy and am a good four or 5 years older than all of my friends. I hate school, and this is one of the most mentally challenging places to be. I feel like I don't enjoy anything at all and the only way I handle this is by making irrational and terrible decisions. I threw away $5,000 in a casino, I can't hold a relationship to save my life and I feel like I'm pushing everyone away. I don't know where to go from here or how to break out of this phase of my life. Dropping out is not an option. Any advice would be amazing. ",0.7935,positive,ashamed 542,depressed,25 and an undergrad,listener_1,2,"It's hard being older than your friends at that age. Your friends have just left high school and their parents' homes, want to party, and usually are not very world-wise. It can be frustrating. But do you like the friends you have? You are probably pushing people away because you know you are making terrible and irrational decisions and you are trying to avoid anyone telling you to stop it for fear of the shame you inevitably feel. I'm winging it on advice here, so I have no clue whether this will help. But maybe start slow. First, find some friends just to hang out doing simple stuff- watching TV, getting food, sitting around, etc. When your friends aren't around, find some things to enjoy on your own so you avoid bad decisions- binge a netflix show, go see a movie, volunteer tutor children, seek out social clubs (through school or look on meetup), computer games, even naps. Also, try to calm your hate for school. You can dislike it and think it's wasting your time, but hate invokes so much emotion that it can tire you out. You get invested in your hate and refuse to find anything tolerable that might help get you through your day. You aren't going to change in one weekend, but like I said, take it slow. Stop immediately the things you know are definitely only making life worse, like the gambling. No good can come of that. It's a vice and an addiction that will only get worse, not better. So you recognize it's a horrible decision already, so go with that and quit while you're in control. For a new vice, start going to the gym, exercising on your own, or going for walks. It may sound stupid but it refocuses your energy into something productive. The gym is also a good way to productively refocus your dislike of school. Smaller gyms like crossfit gyms might help even create a new friend group of people closer to your age. Basically, you need to look for new options for yourself and how you use your time. You probably won't suddenly be happy and smiling daily, but at least you will find ways to make days, and life, more tolerable. If you do terrible and irrational decisions in order to get yourself through school, chances are something will happen soon that will make having gone to school irrelevant when those decisions come crashing down and bite you in the ass. So what you are doing is counterproductive. It's not a situation I can relate to so, as I said, I'm winging it on the advice, but hopefully something I said might help. ",-0.9852,negative,lonely 542,depressed,25 and an undergrad,speaker,3,"I really appreciate the advice. I went ahead and did a two year exclusion from the casino's here, this will help me branch out and find some more beneficial and healthier hobbies. Unfortunately we can;t leave campus during the week so the gym here will have to do. I all checked out some books to read to keep me preoccupied with my thoughts. Thanks for allowing me to realize I'm still in control of this situation. ",0.7897,positive,grateful 542,depressed,25 and an undergrad,listener_1,4,I'm glad to hear you are taking active steps to help yourself. ,0.8126,positive,proud 543,depressed,I need opinions on a serious problem,speaker,1,"Whenever I tell the people who I care about and care about me that I'm suffering they comfort me and assure they will help me get better. But after that initial breakdown they eventually begin to act almost like they think I'm dragging out everything. I understand it's probably very exhausting for them and I try my hardest to be strong for them so I'm not a burden, but I end up wearing myself out to the point where I breakdown again, not only feeling like I've disappointed myself but also them. The cycle repeats and they assure me I'm not a burden, later begin to act like I am, I try to stay strong and suffer in silence, breakdown, repeat. Why do they do they say they care only to turn around and think I no longer need comfort and patience? Please try to understand that the situation isn't as black and white as how I've described. I'm so very tired.",0.9506,positive,caring 543,depressed,I need opinions on a serious problem,listener_1,2,"I noticed some similarities between you and I. I often feel this exact way, but you have to understand that because we are depressed, we're on a different page than everyone else. For them, it may be easier to get over a bad day or bad thoughts. They may think that since they can do it, why can't you? A lot of people don't understand that for people with depression, even small problems can be daunting. My suggestion would be to pick one person out of everyone you know that you're closest to, regardless of how they're reacting to you right now. Have a private discussion with them and explain yourself as well as you can, and let them know that you need them right now. Continue to reach out to this person, but keep in mind that they do have their own lives they're busy with. I know this may seem like common advice, but its better than seeking multiple different people in my opinion. You need an anchor right now - someone that can talk you down from those negative thoughts. If you feel better connecting with multiple different people rather than just one, by all means do that. Just don't isolate yourself and try to maintain relationships. Having other people around will keep you sane and hopefully help you build bonds. Good luck, OP. If you need to talk, feel free to PM. ",0.8457,positive,jealous 543,depressed,I need opinions on a serious problem,listener_2,3,"I like what you're saying but OP said he doesn't want to feel like a burden, and I'm thinking he may feel that way when telling people about his problems, I suggest therapy because you feel less like burdening someone when it is their sole job and field of study. I'm not saying OP shouldn't make close connection last with people, because a good social environment is good for your mental health, but it might difficult. ",0.2132,positive,suggesting 544,depressed,Just a GREAT day (as if I ever have those),speaker,1,"Just failed a dorm inspection I spent three days cleaning for. It's an AMAZING FUCKING FEELING. I really already knew I could never do anything right, this just confirms it! And hey! They found ""water damage"" in my bathroom (totally my fault that my housemates all take way too hot showers for our ventilation fan to deal with after all!) So I'm probably going to get charged for that! There goes my fucking college career! Fuck everything. I'm done",-0.7284,negative,angry 544,depressed,Just a GREAT day (as if I ever have those),listener_1,2,Oops,0.0,neutral,disgusted 544,depressed,Just a GREAT day (as if I ever have those),speaker,3,"Actually an update, today (just a few minutes ago actually) the maintenance head came to check it, said it was clearly hairspray damage from the previous residents which the steam just made more noticeable after a shower, and told our RA to stop wasting her time, I was so relieved that it inspired me to take a nap",0.2883,positive,content 544,depressed,Just a GREAT day (as if I ever have those),listener_2,4,Awesome! :D And I hope that nap was great!,0.9495,positive,encouraging 545,depressed,I can't deal with this anymore,speaker,1,"I'm a very shy person so i normally keep all to myself, but i've been talking to this girl for a while now and i thought she liked me. Saw her today walking arround with her ex and also some people asked me if i was alright, cause apparently she told other people about my depression.. Just fuck off, i'll never trust someone again man..",-0.8689,negative,surprised 545,depressed,I can't deal with this anymore,listener_1,2,"I know exactly how you feel man Last year i started to fall in love with a girl who talked insanely alot with me and ""was there"" for me everytime something happened... It's between "" "" because that was a lie apparently. EVERYTHING i said to her that's private, she told it to others. And then she was saying she didn't mean it like that, she didn't know,...",0.4749,positive,agreeing 545,depressed,I can't deal with this anymore,speaker,3,i just get my heart broken everytime..,0.2732,positive,sentimental 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,speaker,1,"Now all of his effort went down the fucking drain because I pickpocketed someone. He went to go use the bathroom and asked me to play for him. He was in the Cabot household and I noticed earlier that he was taking a few things (ancient globes amd whatnot) so I took a few things for him too. Bourbon, a bottle of vodka, the typical boozy woozy stuff. His follower was Deacon, so he was doing what a follower does. Around the corner came Edward Keegan, so I thought ""I'd make my boyfriend really proud if I took stuff from him"" and I pickpocketed him of his bottlecaps, only to get shot at. So I panicked and bolted out of the house, only for the game to ask me where to send Deacon and I cancelled that only for the game to make him wander around. So now the faction that he was going to finish the game with is his enemy and he had to kill Deacon to get his stuff back, along with the fact that the autosaves only took him to the part where I was hiding outside of the house. Now I feel like a useless, horrible fuck up of a girlfriend.",-0.953,negative,guilty 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,listener_1,2,"Keep in mind, its just a video game. Its not THAT important",-0.1511,negative,neutral 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,listener_2,3,"Right? This right here. OP, if you want to see bad bf/gfs, head over to r/relationships and you'll see how minor this is. ",-0.4939,negative,questioning 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,listener_3,4,Or make clear rules when sharing your PSN with your best friend because before you know they login when you're on a high round on zombies -.-,0.9153,positive,apprehensive 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,listener_4,5,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/gamingcirclejerk] [post on r\/depressed about falling into depression after ruining a fallout game, guy responds ""Just remind him fallout 4 sucks and insert fallout New Vegas."" classy](https://np.reddit.com/r/Gamingcirclejerk/comments/5y5lvl/post_on_rdepressed_about_falling_into_depression/) [](#footer)*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))* [](#bot)",-0.5267,negative,annoyed 546,depressed,Fucked up my boyfriend's Fallout game.,listener_5,6,Thank you. I got lost .,0.0516,positive,sympathizing 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,speaker,1,"Even when I am not extremely depressed, I keep thinking about what I would put on a death note, how I would do it, and what would lead up to it. Does that mean anything... or is that just a side effect of being depressed? It was just recently that I lost (or realized I lost) my will to live. ",-0.8352,negative,nostalgic 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,listener_1,2,It's not entirely unusual and can actually be a symptom of anxiety more than anything. ,-0.1779,negative,neutral 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,speaker,3,"Looking at the definition of anxiety, I seem to be very, constantly anxious.",-0.4549,negative,anxious 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,speaker,4,"sub·con·scious·ly səbˈkänSHəslē/ adverb in a way that is influenced by the part of the mind of which one is not fully aware. ""maybe subconsciously I was trying to sabotage the deal"" I think you can If you can't, then subconsciously start thinking",-0.5267,negative,suggesting 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,listener_2,5,"No you cant, you arnt aware of it. Thinking is conscious not subconscious",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,speaker,6,"Yeah that is very true... Can you subconsciously start thinking about something, or something else along that line",0.6478,positive,agreeing 547,depressed,Subconsciously thinking about suicide,listener_2,7,"You can change your thoughts and change your subconscious that way, not sure otherwise",-0.2411,negative,suggesting 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,1,"How is it I can't cope like everyone else with this. I get so depressed at the thought of committing myself harder towards my career or looks or anything like that. My heart's not in it, at all. I can't be happy working these jobs and interviewing begging to get the next one. Trying my hardest to seem appealing to everyone. Trying to be attractive. Trying to not sound and act like a depressed person. ",-0.6651,negative,sad 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",listener_1,2,"I hate it all too... But I'm not really trying to be attractive for others, i just don't care anymore (don't worry, it's not like I'm filthy with bad hair,... I just never tried to be attractive for others). It all sucks, one of the reasons i can still ""take on"" work and college,... is because my best friend and me are working to have a good future together in the same house, do alot of things together,.... So... You're not alone on this!",0.9136,positive,jealous 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,3,I hope you enjoy that. That's a fun idea,0.8555,positive,encouraging 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",listener_1,4,Well let's hope you find your own courage to cope with life :) ,0.8807,positive,consoling 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,5,but thank you though,0.5023,positive,neutral 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,6,it just doesn't seem exciting looking forward...,-0.3875,negative,acknowledging 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",listener_1,7,"i know how you feel, i don't know why i'm so positive lol. I am trying to improve myself, maybe that's why. Also i game most of the time to ""escape"" the world. Another reason why i'm able to handle most of the things.",0.9061,positive,agreeing 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,8,me too bro. I feel you,0.0,neutral,agreeing 548,depressed,"I never thought life would end up being constantly stressed about financial status, sex appeal, and the future.",speaker,9,For real. It's hard to enjoy it with those things looming constantly ,0.3182,positive,agreeing 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,1,For the last 2 year my life has been nothing but misery it all started with my knee breaking and the doctors didnt do anything about it telling me to just walk it off and 2 months later guess what THEY TELL ME ITS FREAKIN BROKEN and because nothing was done my knee took lot longer to heal but while in the middle of having a broken knee i caught the flue and for about a month and half i was puking every 10 minutes so i stopped eating and that started and even bigger problem after i got better from having the flue my bowls stopped working and when they gave me and x ray the doctor told me it was the worst thing he had ever seen my stomach was all blocked up and because of that i was always having so much stomach pains and i could not even get much sleep. eventually i was given treatments for or it and slowley i was getting better and by the start of 2016 i was better then i was in a long time.after 2 weaks i started getting terrible headaches i went to a doctor and they told me to go to hospital did they asked what was wrong after a while i was diagnosed with post viral fatigue syndrome and for the whole of 2016 Ive been stuck in bed going in and out of hospitals and just having a shit year.here i am in 2017 still suffering for a long time ive been considering suicide im not even sure why im even posting this i guess maybe im doing it get all this off my chest nobody will probly care no one does here whatever i guess. ,-0.994,negative,devastated 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,listener_1,2, /cry,-0.4767,negative,sad 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,3,i take pain killers for the headaches and well for the depression well... i dont use meds. ,-0.8442,negative,neutral 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,listener_2,4,What do you use for the headaches? Triptans? What do you use for depression? ,-0.6416,negative,questioning 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,5,I take ibuprofen for my headaches.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,6,thanks its nice to know someone cares ,0.8271,positive,acknowledging 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,7,thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,speaker,8,i guess i could try it,0.0,neutral,suggesting 549,depressed,depression is a bitch,listener_3,9,Try it. Also sage helps a lot too.,0.3818,positive,agreeing 550,depressed,I'm done,speaker,1,"Maybe this is a better drunk rant. It could be, cause I'm drunk. But I'm not all here in the head either. I'm 43. Married with 3 wonderful kids. My marriage is not stressful. I have a supportive wife, wonderful kids and a job that... lets say pays all the bills. But even with all that, even with everything that is wonderful, i feel trapped. I feel caged. And not by wife, not my children, but by my own mind. Reasonable I know that i have a perfect life. But I want unobtainium. That rare mineral that no one can obtain. I want all the things I don't really want. Some of you will understand, some of you will not. I cant rightly explain. And I cant righty go logical because logic and emotion are at conflict within me. Seeking help to me seems... ridiculous. I'm already on pills and asking...no...paying someone to listen to me ...sounds wrong. I have not had much luck with the mental people. One time, when I was suicidal I emailed a shrink who didn't respond to me till five month later... People have enough going on with their lives without listening to my stupid bullshit. I'm a spec on log of shit. This life is worthless, and honestly, I'm living one day after another till I get out. I cant talk to people. I cant write my feelings down in a journal ( both have been severely violated in the past ). I don't have many people to talk to. Case in point... I'm talking to the internet in hopes of ... something. I keep thinking there is more to this life.. more to my life.. then is there.. but I can't scratch enough of the surface to see. I don't expect anyone to comment, and less to understand. I was just hoping to maybe find others who understand and maybe not feel so isolated in my fog of disparity. ",-0.9626,negative,lonely 550,depressed,I'm done,listener_1,2,Im with you about the shrink stuff. How could anyone expect anyone to seriously give a hoot about anyone besides themselves. Its the way we are. Those educated strangers dont care. At the very best theyre collecting data. Charting patterns in patients to further the science. But im betting the huge majority are only in it for the money (Obviously) And you say youve got a lot of good things. Well maybe you need less. Maybe youre bored. My only real constructive suggestion would be to read more books. Try the autobiography of benjamin franklin. Get some wisdom from the greats. See if it'll spark a anything in any direction. Selfreliance by emmerson is another good choice.,0.9616,positive,trusting 550,depressed,I'm done,speaker,3,"I'll check out the books. An your right, I get bored fast and with little motivation to do things it's hard to be pro active. ",0.3197,positive,excited 550,depressed,I'm done,speaker,4,"Wish I could lay of the pills. I take venoflaxin. I used to be on citalaphram. I'm not a nice person to be around when I'm not on them. I shouldn't be drinking either, but then again I wouldn't have posted if I hadn't been drunk. Thanks for the kind wishes. ",0.7294,positive,grateful 550,depressed,I'm done,listener_2,5,Help the more unfortunate... Kids that need father figures stuff like that,0.228,positive,caring 550,depressed,I'm done,speaker,6,Thank you. That means a lot to me.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 551,depressed,I meant nothing to someone I considered my best friend,speaker,1,"I really cared about this girl, I would stay up all night just to listen to her problems and try to help her through them as best as I could. No matter what mood I was in I was always there for her, always there to assure her that someone cared about her. And one night I was walking to 7/11 with my other friend and her house was on the way so I jokingly sent her a picture of her street sign thinking nothing of it. A few days later she was going around telling literally everyone that I was mentally unstable and that I wanted to kill her family. She was the most important thing in my life, one of the only things that kept me half way wanting to live and she just went around spreading all these lies about me so that she could get attention. It really sucks knowing that I meant nothing to her and that she would rather have 5 minutes of attention than my friendship.",0.7795,positive,caring 551,depressed,I meant nothing to someone I considered my best friend,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry to hear that. People like that don't deserve to be a part of your life and honestly if they don't break off the friendship then you should. You shouldn't be expected to be a shoulder to cry on and then forgotten when you need help. You will always find people in this world who want to exploit your kindness, and it's incredibly difficult when you can't see those tendencies before you get hurt. You deserve just as much care and consideration as you show to others; the hard part is finding a true friend who reciprocates compassion, but it's not impossible. Keep your head up, you deserve better and don't lose hope at finding a real friend. ",0.9375,positive,sympathizing 551,depressed,I meant nothing to someone I considered my best friend,listener_2,3,"It's either would **HAVE** or would**'VE**, but never would **OF**. See [Grammar Errors](http://www.grammarerrors.com/grammar/could-of-would-of-should-of/) for more information.",0.0,neutral,angry 551,depressed,I meant nothing to someone I considered my best friend,listener_3,4,Does this bot really need to be active on this sub? Lol,0.6705,positive,questioning 552,depressed,Failed,speaker,1,I feel like a failure. I am not worth any one. Let alone love. All I want to do is sleep and not wake up. Why is love so hard to have for me. Why am I always left. I just feel worthless. ,0.3544,positive,sad 552,depressed,Failed,listener_1,2,"I've felt like shit for years and since a hit rock bottom I have been feeling a little better. But I had a setback, I failed, at my new job. Or my last job, now. But I'm trying my best to stick to the things that helped me get better. Thinks like reasoning with my self. Life, existence and every thing can't be THAT bad. I know some of it is this sickness. I am depressed. I know that I'm not seeing clearly, like I thought before, but a skewed vision of the world. Beyond skewed, I see it worse than it is. With added nothingness. All I'm saying is that life is at least a little better than you think. That was the start for me. You will feel better, this comes in waves.",0.8533,positive,sad 552,depressed,Failed,speaker,3,Thanks!!,0.5399,positive,wishing 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,1,Im soo fucking tired of everything. I just fucking feel like i have to live up to my moms expectations and i feel like a huge fucking failure in her life. I told her that im sad have depression(not actually sure if i do) but she just doesnt understand me. She tries to support me and everything but she just doesnt understand me. I have friends who i can talk to but i dont want to bother them with my problems even if they say i dont bother them. I have a girl im talking to and she is the exact same way. But i just dont fucking want to live. Although im too much of a pussy to kill myself i just want to die or dissapear. I like to eat pills if i can and im starting to feel like a pill addict. The only thing that makes me happy is when im high on pills.. I just have no fucking meaning in life. No motivation or anything. Theres soo much more i would want to say but i just dont know how to express or write down my feelings..,0.3301,positive,annoyed 553,depressed,I just want to die.,listener_1,2,What kind of pills are you taking?,0.0,neutral,questioning 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,3,Clonazepam and Xanax. They are super cheap so thats the only stuff i can afford.,0.5994,positive,neutral 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,4,But i have tried to change mentally and even if i start to change and something little happens i just give up like always. But thanks.,0.7964,positive,neutral 553,depressed,I just want to die.,listener_2,5,"I am falling into depression as well, and I feel I'm going to be at your state soon. ""It seems hard"" to change or find a therapist.",-0.5574,negative,sad 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,6,You really dont want to end up like me. Get some help fast. I dont know how but just dont end up like me.,-0.0811,negative,afraid 553,depressed,I just want to die.,listener_2,7,I'm trying.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,8,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,9,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,10,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,11,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,12,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,13,I have someone who is in the same place as me or even worse. Theres legit nothing that can make happiness last longer than a few days.,0.128,positive,jealous 553,depressed,I just want to die.,speaker,14,idk. Maybe 2 years. It could be school or my ex. idk. i just depend on fucking pills to make me happy and i cant even to them everyday to feel happy. twice a week are the best days and then boom. depressed all the other days.,0.8176,positive,suggesting 554,depressed,Found somebody to talk to,speaker,1,"I found somebody to talk to about depression. Now I just feel like I am annoying and don't want to talk to them about depression They always say ""ur fine"", but I feel like they don't like me. I don't want to annoy them with my insignificant problems. I feel like nobody likes me",0.0387,neutral,anxious 554,depressed,Found somebody to talk to,listener_1,2,I know how you feel man. Just talk to them and if you feel like you are annoying just ask.,-0.0516,negative,agreeing 554,depressed,Found somebody to talk to,speaker,3,"I ask them, they say no. I don't know if they are just trying to be support me or not, though.",0.4019,positive,disappointed 554,depressed,Found somebody to talk to,listener_2,4,I think they notice that you're a bit self centered. Maybe one of them has similar problems. Try asking them about their lives. You don't have to stop talking about yourself but consider switching it up a bit.,-0.1043,negative,suggesting 555,depressed,Feel like a husk. Can't find any purpose or passion to anything I do,speaker,1,"So Im 21 and going to community college. Over the last few years Ive had on-and-off depressive episodes, but, am usually able to get myself out of it. About a year ago, I decided once I had my Gen Eds out of the way at community college I was going to pursue biology/zoology since I love animals and have always been kind of a nerd about them. However, over this last year, with classes that I work my ass off in and still can’t even pass, and things going on in my personal life I’ve started feeling more and more depressed as time goes on. I eventually completely broke down and go to the point where I had to drop the one class I was in because no matter how much time and effort I poured into it, I wasn’t going to pass. I took a break from school for a few months to clear my head and figure out something new I want to pursue, a goal, a passion. But, as those months went by, I’ve found nothing. I feel like I’m not working towards anything… I’m just existing. I’ve began seeing a therapist lately and while that helps a bit, most days when I wake up in the morning I just want the day to end. I do whatever I can to keep my mind busy during the day so I can minimize this feeling of nothingness, but, whenever I have even a second to myself I begin to sink back into it. Even when I try to loosen up and party or have a couple drinks with my friends I get halfway thru one beer and feel like shit. I don’t know what exactly I expect by posting this, but, I just want this feeling to end.",0.6624,positive,hopeful 555,depressed,Feel like a husk. Can't find any purpose or passion to anything I do,listener_1,2,"I feel the same... almost exactly :/. Feeling like every day is getting longer and longer. I used to want to do things, now I just can't wait for each day to end. It is this that makes me want to kill myself. I don't know why I want to post anything on this subreddit either... hope maybe? Hope that I will get help, or that someway my depression will end? When it gets too severe, I think I will end it the only way I know I can... Don't be me. There are anti-depression medications. I don't know if they work, I'm too scared to ask anybody.",-0.4808,negative,apprehensive 555,depressed,Feel like a husk. Can't find any purpose or passion to anything I do,speaker,3,"You definetly should atleast try the medications man. Even if it doesn't work, atleast you tried ya know?",0.0,neutral,agreeing 555,depressed,Feel like a husk. Can't find any purpose or passion to anything I do,listener_1,4,"I'm 13, so I don't think I'm allowed to get them on my own, and I'm too scared to ask anybody.",-0.4404,negative,afraid 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,1,"Hi. I'm a 29 year old depressed guy. I would say I've felt depressed for my whole life and managed it in lots of ways. Let me share my sadness first before I get into my new depression managment. I'm just going to list the bullet points of my sadness for easier reading but ask me and I'll share more if you're interested. •My biological father left my life at the age of 13 •My family (stepfather and mother) broke apart due to divorce and drug use •My father in-law shot himself and passed away in October 2013 •My Aunt shot herself and passed away in December 2014 •My Wife left me in August 2015 These events have caused me more pain then any broken bone I've had. When my wife left I fell into a blinding sorrow that I still stagger though with no end in sight. I am willing to talk about anything here but to speed up time I'll share what I'm doing now to keep going and live instead of exsist. •Play live music publicly and private. •Working out cardio, weight, and yoga. •Started attending a Jujitsu class. •Share my life with friends who truly care about me. •Mindful eating vegetarian. I really try and live positively​ and mindfully but I slip in some moments down the rabbit hole. Last night I dreamt of my wife and friends who left me. When I dream like this my wife is clear that she doesn't want me but I long for her so it becomes a sad interaction almost all times. Then I wake and I find it's not a dream. I'm alone. Then I remember I have to keep going though I'd rather not because of the pain. So many chapters in my life but this is the darkest so far with no end in sight. Living positive in the darkness has changed me. Share some ways of dealing with your depression and ask me anything. Love forever. That's all I truly know. ",-0.3144,negative,sad 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,listener_1,2,"Just stay alive.. for the fact that one day, someone will need you. We need you.. people like you",0.6249,positive,faithful 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,3,"Awwwwww. Thanks for real. You expressing I'm needed and sharing is important, it really hits me. Like a friendly voice in the dark showing me i matter. We matter. The darkness is to real to not bring up in life. My friend told me one day that I was on a bridge in the dark and there are people who light the way. While on the bridge you will also light the way for others. It took me a while to figure out how true that was thank you for lighting a fire. ",0.9498,positive,grateful 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,4,"I agree, time is the main answer. This is the longest time in the dark I've experienced. Nothing fills the void of them leaving. ",0.3612,positive,agreeing 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,5,Giving time to animals sounds like a good way to spend time. Therapy has been very useful. I went to a one on one councilor and a small support group that focuses on mindfulness. Both arethe most helpful tools to understand my situation.,0.9412,positive,caring 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,6,I think one of the big things I'm dealing with is the amount of time I feel unloved and my future is a cloud when before it was so clear. I will share my true feelings if I feel safe. Maybe a close friend or councilor or my support group or the internet. I haven't met anyone who is truly interested in me though. Not one date in almost two years. Exposing my heart hurts. I have messed up thoughts from all this and nothing solves them. I'll see my wife in my dreams. I wish I didn't feel the pain of my heart that is her gone. ,0.9803,positive,lonely 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,listener_2,7,"I go on through periods like this .. I feel like I'm not in control of my thoughts. When it's at its worst I feel like I'm going crazy and like there's no way back. Well, that's not true - it's not a dead end. It's hard to connect with people when you don't want to be vulnerable. But there are people out there that want to get to know you, they just haven't had a chance. Maybe even people you come across all the time. When you're ready, they'll be there. Or maybe you'll be there for them. Either way, no rush.",0.0731,positive,apprehensive 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,8,"She gave up on us is my guess. That question would be better for her. My side is that yes we would miss communicate sometimes but we would work to understand each other. We went to counciling for us dealing with life, us, deaths in the family. She has a pain disorder that I've always known and helped with but she finally got her SSI monthly income she needed. One day I found her in bed with the neighbor. That afternoon she said she was going to leave cause she wants her independence. A month later she said she wanted a divorce. She still hasn't given me papers but I haven't spoken to her since then. I didn't want to stop being together. ",-0.7004,negative,trusting 556,depressed,What do you do when everyone you love leaves your life.,speaker,9,"Just wait, make boundaries and keep going. I just keep going that seems to be all I can do. ",0.0,neutral,faithful 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,1,"Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions ☑️ Fatigue and decreased energy ☑️ Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness ☑️ Feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism ☑️ Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping ❌ Irritability, restlessness ❌ Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex ☑️ Overeating or appetite loss ❓ Persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment ❌ Persistent sad, anxious, or ""empty"" feelings ☑️☑️☑️ Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts ☑️ I've never been able to remember anything, and I think I've had these symptoms my whole life It's gotten so much worse; feeling uncomfortable being alive, thinking about hurting myself, so much self deprecation, I found some people who are willing to talk to me... but I don't think they care about me I don't blame 'em. I'm just a waste of time, nobody should spend time on me.",-0.9787,negative,sad 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_1,2,"I have had major depression most of my life too - since my teens. What, if anything, has worked to make you feel better in the past even if only temporarily? Any substances? Medications? Activities? etc.? ",-0.4684,negative,questioning 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,3,Hey man do you know how to program in java or python ? I've always wanted to have a coding parter for some stupids but cool projects I saw on internet and I think it could be fun :) Just pm me if you're interested. Edit : ouch.. misspelled you're lol,0.9552,positive,questioning 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_3,4,And don't let it end. Keep fighting for all of us. We believe you can make it,-0.3612,negative,faithful 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_3,5,"I feel the same way a lot. It sucks that the things that you love just make you feel crummy when you're depressed. Gaming is one of my favorite things to do.. but I feel the same way sometimes, that it's just a waste of time. I hate weekdays.. I hate weekends more. Something about reading, though, seems to work a little bit for me. It helps me relax and it's always a unique experience, even if it's a book I've read a hundred times. The same goes for audiobooks. I don't know you but that doesn't mean you won't meet people that will come to care about you. Don't decide for them that you're not likeable. They can make their own decisions!",-0.8254,negative,sad 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,6,Chronic is different than clinical. Chronic is pretty much when depression lasts a long time. (I didn't know if you meant chronic or clinical),-0.128,negative,neutral 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,7,"I feel like I have been too... just not this severe. I've always felt empty and never felt ""happy"". (I honestly barely know the feeling)",0.5296,positive,lonely 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,8,Dont be sympathetic towards me... I don't want to unintentionally *force* people to care about me.,0.0711,positive,caring 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,9,Okay... I always feel like people only be nice to me to make me feel better :/ I don't see myself as a likable person,0.7717,positive,annoyed 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,10,"Even when I'm not sad, like rn, I feel the things I love are not fun After a while (after I did something with a friend) I analyze that situation, but, unlike usual, I look for what went well. It usually keeps me up at night because I always think about everything I did wrong which makes me feel like everything I did was wrong.",-0.3462,negative,sad 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,11,"That is one of the reasons I haven't killed myself I can still keep persevering, I can do it, even if I don't want to",0.5216,positive,faithful 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,12,"No I mainly do web development (HTML, CSS, JavaScript, PHP, Ajax) If I were to get into other things, i think I'd want to do game development in unity or unreal engine or something ",-0.2263,negative,neutral 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,13,"Well java is very similar to c# (afaik only the names of the libraries change) and c# is one of the scripting language of unity (along with javascript :) ). I also already did the roll-a-ball tutorial and know the environment. Would you like to start by doing small games (such as chess ) and continue with bigger projects ? I would like to already start with doing a big mmo or moba but from my experience, doing that will just end up with us being bored as hell from not being able to do what we want to do. Also, are you good in art ? If that's the case we could use your own artworks in games instead of taking them from the store ( I already tried to make my owns, but they were so ugly that my friends were hurt just from seeing it :P ).",-0.6977,negative,questioning 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,14,"I am not good at animation. I understand animation (tweening, etc), but am not the best at art and repetition of art; I also am really shaky which doesn't help with both are and animation :/ But I *feel* I would be good at game development. I have never tried making an actual game, I made an arcade game in ActionScript (Flash). I would love to make a chess game, as that probably uses classes (I don't know how to use classes). IMO, game development is much more fun than web development, but I find it more difficult. Web development (not design) is really repetitive. I'd love to learn how to make a game! (One of my problems with learning game development is I don't know how to start. I had to find somebody, a university student, to help me run a C script, which failed because C is hard) If you want to teach me, I'd gladly learn.",0.2183,positive,confident 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,15,"Well I would be more than happy to teach you :) However, I just want to add that I really only know java and python (just completed my first year of programming at school) and while I consider I'm pretty good, I'm far from being an expert. Also I speak mainly french and while I don't mind to talk via skype, my spoken english is really atrocious so it would probably be more a one sided conversation lol. Maybe that's something you could help me with :) Finally, I suggest (to get you started) to download unity and try to complete the roll-a-ball tutorial. If you have any question, feel free to ask me. After that, I will show you how I plan to do the chess game if you want :) ",0.9827,positive,suggesting 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,16,"I love French! I am learning it next year in high school and know a few words and some sentence structure. Also, my laptop is bad (and I don't think I can run unity) and my desktop is not always available. I might not be able to program much unity :/ That is one reason I do web development",-0.1759,negative,anxious 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,17,"Well I'm currently using my laptop with a intel hd 3000 igpu and it's running perfectly fine for platformers and simple games (such as chess) so you should be fine if your laptop isn't a craptop :P. Anyway, just let me know if I you want to get started and need help :)",0.9313,positive,content 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,18,"Okay I can probably figure it out on my own (without a teacher) over time, like I did with all the other languages I know I've never used C successfully before, though",0.1955,positive,confident 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,19,"Well I wouldn't start with C as your first OOP language. I would suggest you start with either Java or c#. Both are easier, a bit more popular than c and will show you the basics in a more ""obvious"" manner. Anyway my goal here was to try to find you a new hobby where you would be socially interacting. That's (at least from my point of view) one of the easiest way to get out of that shithole. Btw, I've sent you a pm feel free to read it (or not). ",0.92,positive,suggesting 557,depressed,Clinical depression,speaker,20,Is C# kinda like ActionScript 3? (Flash) I used flash for a while,0.2975,positive,nostalgic 557,depressed,Clinical depression,listener_2,21,"Never done any web development so I cannot really be sure, but from what I am seeing from the hello words from each language, they seem pretty alike (mostly only the returns arent' at the same place, syntax wise.) ",0.8345,positive,neutral 558,depressed,Hate,speaker,1,I hate my stomach and my thighs. I hate my hair and my teeth. I hate how my clothes look on me. I hate my voice. I hate how I talk to people. I hate my personality. I hate that everything gets to me. I hate that I care way too much. I hate that I'm never smart enough. I hate that I'm not good enough for anyone. I hate that I can't trust anybody. I just want to be everything that I'm not. ,-0.9926,negative,ashamed 558,depressed,Hate,listener_1,2,Then let your journey start anew today. It likely won't be fast and its not easy but use that emotion to fuel your change. Pick one core thing at a time to work on and work on it till you are ready to work on more. A lot of the things you mentioned could be self worth issues and there is nothing more empowering then working hard for goals both short term and long. ,0.5101,positive,hopeful 558,depressed,Hate,listener_2,3,I'm sorry. It's horrible to feel this way about yourself. One of the worst things about depression is how self-consuming it is. So one thing you can try is listening to other people's problems and trying to help them. It can help you feel more in control of your own problems. I hope you have people in your life that love you and let you know it. They must see something good in you. Remember that. If you don't.. reach out to me if you'd like to talk to someone. You don't have to go it alone.,-0.2901,negative,sympathizing 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,1,"I think I am extremely depressed because of social isolation caused by self deprecation. As in I am not depressed because of an event; I am just always depressed I think some people I talk to think I am depressed for other reasons. And they seem to think I can change. What should I do (regarding the other people; more like person)? Will my depression ever go away? I have been depressed every day for like 5 days straight, each day becoming longer and more suicidal. I want to feel something again. Not sadness or nothing. Should I just wait?",-0.9367,negative,lonely 559,depressed,A few things,listener_1,2,Go outside and take a walk. Force yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do. It will get better but you are the only person in control of that. ,0.2382,positive,hopeful 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,3,"It is hard, but I'm trying to do more. Self deprecation and dread. Dread makes me want to be productive, self deprecation makes me hate myself for not being productive (or being a disappointment, that is one of the reasons I never tried hanging out with friends and get depressed in the first place)",-0.9615,negative,ashamed 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,4,I have too much regret... And self deprecation. I pretty much look at everything I have ever done and hate myself for it. The things that made my happy either never happened or have faded away in my memory. ,0.1027,positive,ashamed 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,5,I am starting to... but self hatred and self deprecation make me feel like a disappointment and inferior to them. That feeling also makes me think that they deserve people better than me.,-0.7876,negative,jealous 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,6,"I feel like everybody dislikes me but just puts up with my shit. Somebody I barely knew wanted to hang out with me; it was fun. I think the only reason they hung out with me is because the person I was talking to about my depression wanted them to. Another thing that makes me feel like shit around my friends is that they barely know me. If they knew me (if I told them about myself) I think they'd dislike me. Cuz if I dislike myself, I think they would too. ",-0.8979,negative,surprised 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,7,"I try to tell people more about myself... I still feel like they hate me, though.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,ashamed 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,8,"I accept myself, but I just see everything bad about myself versus everything (anything) good about myself. I acknowledge the good things about myself, but they don't mean shit to me. The only things that really affect me are bad things (I feel). (also, *accept)",0.742,positive,ashamed 559,depressed,A few things,listener_1,9,"Maybe they aren't good friends. If you truly feel that they hate you, you may want to reconsider your friendship. ",-0.3736,negative,suggesting 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,10,They never tell me they hate me... I just assume they do. I assume pretty much everybody hates me. I always have nothing to talk about and im an introvert.,-0.5267,negative,lonely 559,depressed,A few things,speaker,11,"I should... but I'm worried about myself more than others. I don't critically analyze people, I just see them as beautiful people. The only person I truly ever openly criticized is myself. And also, the flaws I have are killing me. The flaws I have give me depression; anxiety, dread, etc. Hating every day of your life gives you depression. I feel like I'm trying to prove myself right too much. Sorry. I have way too many fucking problems; I don't think there is a single answer to all of them.",-0.9793,negative,ashamed 559,depressed,A few things,listener_1,12,What do you like to do? ,0.3612,positive,questioning 560,depressed,When,speaker,1,"Sorry for posting so much Things have changed so fast... From wanting to do so many things to not caring if I live or die in an instant I don't know why I decide to keep myself alive. It's not fun living when you don't look forward to anything, dread everything, with days getting so painfully longer. So fucking long... and there's still not enough time It's also not fun when you feel empty. Not caring about anything, not feeling anything, having no hope. I feel so empty to a point where I'd rather be depressed than normal. And then there are the common depression symptoms and effects; self deprecation, loss of interest, etc. I experience almost all of depressions horrors every day. The real question is, why haven't I ended it? Somebody who I talk to told me to hang in there because ""you never know if the next day will be the best day of your life."" It's hard to believe that when you have no hope and no stimulation from every activity. Maybe it is fear of suicide. That is also not true. My dad has sleeping pills, those wouldn't be painful at all. Maybe it is because I don't want others to feel pain from my suicide. Nobody knows a fucking thing about me. They know what I pretend to be. Nobody truly cares about me; my friend told me they do (which gave me some hope that she cared about me; that is how little I think people care about me. I feel the only person I feel like I can talk to doesn't care about me) I have been researching methods of suicide, and have even picked the ones I would use. It's just a matter of when I feel like using one. The ice is melting fast below my feet. I don't know how much longer until i inevitably kill myself.",-0.9928,negative,lonely 560,depressed,When,listener_1,2,"Not trying to stop you, just wondering why or what took you to this point. ",0.2235,positive,neutral 560,depressed,When,speaker,3,"I don't know... I just started not liking anything. I used to want to do things, now I just don't. It's so fucking hard when there is literally nothing you want to do.",-0.4856,negative,lonely 560,depressed,When,speaker,4,"I think I might know why I was (or am) so depressed. I searched some things up, and I found out both were true. ""There were those who believe that people can become addicted to depression much like a kid becomes reliant on his blankie. The negative thought patterns, if left unchallenged, create a kind of trap or a false sense of security."" and ""Having a sleep disorder does not in itself cause depression, but lack of sleep does play a role. Lack of sleep caused by another medical illness or by personal problems can make depression worse."" I haven't been sleeping often; 5-7 hours a day. When I am awake in bed, I feel that emptiness is terrible, so I try to feel depressed. When I feel empty, I just think of all the bad things (failures, regrets, myself, etc.) and try to become depressed. ",-0.9956,negative,surprised 560,depressed,When,listener_2,5,Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry.,0.6124,positive,sympathizing 560,depressed,When,speaker,6,"Yes. I either feel empty or depressed. If I feel empty, I start trying to feel depressed",-0.7579,negative,sad 560,depressed,When,listener_2,7,Sometimes I listen to newthinkable on YouTube to keep my thoughts at bay,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 560,depressed,When,speaker,8,"Yes. I always feel like they hate me, though. I also feel like I should stop annoying them, so I stop talking to them for a little. (They tell me I'm not annoying them, but as the two people I'm talking to have had depression before, I think they are just trying to support me) I don't know why. I just feel inferior to everybody.",-0.7657,negative,jealous 560,depressed,When,listener_2,9,Maybe it's true sometimes they get annoyed too. But I bet you have no idea how much it means to them to be able to help you,0.2144,positive,suggesting 560,depressed,When,speaker,10,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 560,depressed,When,listener_2,11,"Another podcast that has helped, though it's just stupid prank calls, is phonelosers.org",-0.5267,negative,nostalgic 560,depressed,When,speaker,12,I've never considered that...,0.0,neutral,neutral 561,depressed,Wtf my mom is making a reddit account,speaker,1,"Last night she made me sit down and said she wanted to know why I was depressed. I replied that I didnt want to tell her because it makes her irritated and sad. She knows I use reddit and that I post things related to my depression, so she decided to find out herself. Now what",-0.9235,negative,annoyed 561,depressed,Wtf my mom is making a reddit account,listener_1,2,lmao,0.5994,positive,neutral 561,depressed,Wtf my mom is making a reddit account,speaker,3,She gets sad and depressed when I do that ,-0.7506,negative,guilty 561,depressed,Wtf my mom is making a reddit account,listener_2,4,She is already or she wouldn't be trying to make a reddit account. Just talk to her.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 562,depressed,I can't do it,speaker,1,"So hey. I've been depressed for long time now. Nobody has noticed, nobody cares. I've been getting shit grades because I can't pay attention and I want to end it. They can find me with scars on my wrists and hanging from my roof. I have no reason to stay, I just can't do it anymore. Help",-0.4222,negative,lonely 562,depressed,I can't do it,listener_1,2,"Man, someone cares for sure. Tell someone, ask someone to listen. People dont notice because you havent told them. Just ask for help or talk to your parents. I care man.",0.8807,positive,trusting 562,depressed,I can't do it,speaker,3,Thank you ❤️,0.3612,positive,wishing 563,depressed,Happy,speaker,1,"In my 18 years of life I've never been genuinely happy. I probably was when i was really young. But almost everything i remember I've always been sad or depressed. Ive become so numb to everything its like I'm a robot. Ive finally hit the point where I've given up. I don't care if i live, or die. I use my phone when I'm driving because i don't care if i hit something and die. I don't look when i cross the street, or when i do anything else thats dangerous. Every day i wonder why someone like me was put on this earth. I don't bring joy to anyones life i just lock myself in my room because i feel like a bother to everyone. I always get yelled at because I'm ""lazy"" but my family doesn't understand that I've thought about killing myself at least once a day since i was 10. I honestly have 0 talents. Im not good at literally anything. I have no purpose or reason to be here. I think everyone would be better off without me in their lives. Id never kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy to do it. I just hope i make a big mistake that takes my life for me. Im always pushing away because i feel like i may actually kill myself one day and i don't want anyone to miss me. Sorry this was all jumbled up and sorry if i bothered anyone. I just needed to get those things off my chest to people who don't know me so i can continue being fake happy around my family and ""friends”.",-0.9918,negative,lonely 563,depressed,Happy,listener_1,2,"Do you have anybody important to you? When I was in that mood, I started talking to somebody who I respected and liked, and I feel that helped a lot.",0.7717,positive,faithful 563,depressed,Happy,speaker,3,"No. I don't have many friends, and the friends I do have only talk to me when they need money or a ride somewhere. My parents are going through a divorce so they are stressed out to the max already. I don't even like talking about my problems to people. I had a therapist once but I hated going. I'd rather just keep everything inside so I don't bother anyone. ",-0.7792,negative,lonely 564,depressed,19 year old loser,speaker,1,I am a 19 year old loser. I dropped out of high school at 17 and am now trying to finish but my god I am an idiot and can't understand a single thing. I live with my parents still and work at Tim hortons like wow what a great career. All I see around me are people who are in college and successful with their life and have made it somewhat somewhere. And here I am some piece of crap with no hope and no will to try anymore. I think of suicide everyday because I feel it's the best thing for society. I don't think the world needs another useless person in it. A 12 gauge has never looked more enticing in my whole life.,0.722,positive,jealous 564,depressed,19 year old loser,listener_1,2,"You're 19, you could be older, divorced, fired or whatever. Apply your fucking self. Grow up, work to get a promotion, fall in love, get heartbroken, travel, take all the drugs, drink all the scotch. When your 30 and if you're still feel this way. Then you can shoot yourself.",-0.7269,negative,angry 564,depressed,19 year old loser,listener_2,3,You should be a regular commentator on r/trueoffmychest. That was good- I'd say 35 though. ,0.4404,positive,surprised 564,depressed,19 year old loser,listener_3,4,"**Here's a sneak peek of [/r/TrueOffMyChest](https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest) using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!** \#1: [I hate r/girlgamers](https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/58tby2/i_hate_rgirlgamers/) \#2: [I hate that criticizing ghetto culture makes you ""racist""](https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/4yjz18/i_hate_that_criticizing_ghetto_culture_makes_you/) \#3: [If you think your ethnicity is the most significant thing about you, then you're fuckin boring and I dont want to be around you.](https://np.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/528vyw/if_you_think_your_ethnicity_is_the_most/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/5lveo6/blacklist/)",-0.8879,negative,annoyed 565,depressed,Just what I do,speaker,1,"Graduated highschool June 23rd 2015, been working a min paying job to support my only habits. Basketball, driving around and smoking pot. Everyday all day. Oh I have a college course every Monday and Wednesday. My life. ",0.4019,positive,content 565,depressed,Just what I do,listener_1,2,And I'm stuck here wanting to kill myself at the age of 13,-0.7717,negative,ashamed 565,depressed,Just what I do,speaker,3,stop taking all that xanax,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 565,depressed,Just what I do,listener_2,4,"I went through a similar thing at the same age. I grabbed a gun from my parents bedroom, ran into the forest, but I couldn't do it. All I can tell you is don't. I'm still depressed and I have tried to commit suicide after that but life is what it is and you only have one of them. Also, when you can, get professional help, it helps a lot. ",0.6545,positive,terrified 565,depressed,Just what I do,listener_1,5,"I won't now, but I don't think I'll be scared (or whatever) to pull the trigger, or whatever method I use I feel like my problem doesn't need professional help, just care. I don't think professionals can make me love myself or make somebody care for me. Or find me things I enjoy... Or make me happy Or give me aspirations",0.9624,positive,trusting 565,depressed,Just what I do,listener_3,6,"Join clubs/student organizations in your school. Also, join the marching band at your high school. It doesn't matter if you suck at playing instruments. The only reason to join marching band is to easily get friends. Seriously, it's where most band geeks get their first girlfriend/real friends there. Unfortunately, I didn't join the marching band when I was in high school few years ago and that is one of my biggest regrets. I am here to tell you to be smart with your decision and join the marching band! You will not regret it.",0.8856,positive,ashamed 565,depressed,Just what I do,listener_2,7,"You said you're 13 right? You haven't fully discovered you who are yet and what makes you happy and what doesn't. You might feel like you know yourself but what no one tells you when you're younger is that you have to learn who you are. I had a very abusive childhood which caused me to dissociate and shut down all my emotions so I could get through what I was going through. I never felt like anyone cared for me, not my parents, not my ""friends"", not society or the social system the humans have created. But basically what I'm saying is professional help does help. But you *have* to learn to love yourself before you can fully use your potential. You may not need pro help, but suicide isn't the answer and keeping a positive mindset is night and day from a negative one. Yes I am depressed, but I have goals and aspirations and I fully plan on seeing them through no matter what my body is feeling. Please don't ever give up. ",-0.1112,negative,lonely 566,depressed,Repetition,speaker,1,"I've posted way too much here, and thank you for all of the responses I've been feeling really bad. The person I'd been talking to is helpful, but when it seems like they only talk to you because of your problems, it almost feels pointless. Nonetheless, they probably saved me from suicide once. Ive found out how much more I hate everything than I thought. I hate school and am struggling to do well. It not only bores me but depressed me more than I actually am. It also removes free time and replaces it with stress. I'd rather feel empty than stressed all the time. I hate myself for so many fucking reasons Regret plagues most of my thoughts now And every day is just a cycle of stress, depression, and emptiness. Find the trend in those emotions Hint: they all make me want to kill myself Emptiness doesn't, though. Emptiness just frustrates me. I hate the feeling so much. I am honestly considering killing myself now. Not just thinking about it without reason. I found something out a few days ago. I was depressed and couldn't sleep, and was getting frustrated at myself for not feeling anything. It's hard to feel anything when you are empty. And then I started thinking about how I would kill myself. I calmed down afterwards I don't know what I want. I don't want something to do, I have plenty of those, and finding real friends seems hopeless. The friend group I am in means nothing to me, and I don't think anybody likes me. And ***nobody*** actually cares about me. I'm just another fucking person The *only* appealing thing to me is suicide. And I'll gladly do it if I feel like it.",-0.9976,negative,ashamed 566,depressed,Repetition,listener_1,2,I made a new account btw -poster,0.0,neutral,excited 566,depressed,Repetition,speaker,3,"I feel like every single day is going to be like this unless I do something. Talking to people helps, but I don't want to annoy them with my constant depression They have things to do And school doesn't matter to me anymore. I've almost completely given up or stopped caring.",0.4339,positive,guilty 567,depressed,Found out my ex has a boyfriend,speaker,1,"(First posting) So this just happened, and I'm sort of having panick attack, my body shaking uncontrollably, my heads throbbing, and I can feel tears. Honestly I've been able to keep my depression down for long period of time. Till today I guess when my brain decided to check the Facebook wall of my ex. And boy did that suck. Honestly we haven't dated since a year, and she wanted to cut tiesa 5 months after cause she believed we were bad for each other and for the most part I agreed. It's not like I feel lonely, it's like the emptiness that she left in me started kicking again, and I don't know how or if want i to suppress it. Sorry if this is pretty childish that's one of the thing that is irritating me the most.",-0.952,negative,sad 567,depressed,Found out my ex has a boyfriend,listener_1,2,Mgtow. Check it out.,0.0,neutral,impressed 567,depressed,Found out my ex has a boyfriend,speaker,3,"Sorry if I gave off the stalking vibe, I'm honestly really happy for her. She's been through a lot, and somewhat resembles me, but she was able to move on. Do I miss her? Hell yeah, but I won't do anything because I know she's happy now. I'm not even sure what the real reason for the post was. 100% not for sympathy or pity. And Amanda thanks in trying to get better myself. So maybe someday we can just be friends. At least that's just a side goals of the many others I've yet to accomplish. ",0.9107,positive,caring 568,depressed,Don't know what to do,speaker,1,"I can't sleep. I stay up late worrying about if my life will always be this pointless and unfulfilling. Then I sleep the rest of the day away when the sun finally comes up. Maybe do something semi-productive for a little bit. I'm on break now, but I skip classes. Can't hold a job. I'm worried I won't be able to find or hold a job when I graduate. I'm worried that things will never get better. ",-0.8559,negative,apprehensive 568,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_1,2,I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong,0.5106,positive,agreeing 568,depressed,Don't know what to do,speaker,3,"Thanks, you too",0.4404,positive,agreeing 568,depressed,Don't know what to do,speaker,4,It sucks. Thanks man ,0.1027,positive,acknowledging 568,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,"I think I'm staring to show signs of depression, what should I do?",-0.5719,negative,apprehensive 568,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,Get professional help. Talk to a therapist or a school counselor. Don't suffer in silence. I hope things get better for you. ,0.8847,positive,hopeful 568,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,"I just don't know how to tell my parents, they might think I'm doing it for attention or being dramatic ",0.0,neutral,anxious 568,depressed,Help,listener_4,4,"to be honest, even if you parents doesn't believe you, you still need to seek help because it's your life we are talking about. You can learn to deal with your parents, while you have a therapist to talk too. A lot of times, parents don't really understand what mental health is. Don't let your parents stop you from seeking help and if they are supportive and understanding of you situation then that is great. Also, if you are really uncomfortable in telling them, you can tell them afterwards, once you are getting help already.",0.9119,positive,agreeing 568,depressed,Help,listener_5,5,Do some research online. Write down examples and signs of depressions and why you think you have these symptoms. Make sure you show them that you are serious and you have done your research and know exactly what you're talking about. ,-0.29600000000000004,negative,prepared 569,depressed,I realized yesterday im a mediocre person,speaker,1,"If you look at me or even know me you may think im kinda a extreme dude. Lots of tattoos, very loud and outspoken, cuss alot and ive had a lil luck with the ladies. Ive been told im a excellent musician but i fake it with the small amount of ability ive learn and the songs ive learned im able to look like i know what im doing. Ive used alot of heroin but never allowed myself to be a full blown addict. I was a church goer years ago but never allowed myself to get in completely, every thing i do i dont do fully. I dont allow myself to give up and let go. I watch movies and tell myself i should do something spectacular with my life, but i never will. Im a union of contrary things in the most mediocre way possible. It makes me sad",-0.7539,negative,ashamed 569,depressed,I realized yesterday im a mediocre person,listener_1,2,">Im a union of contrary things in the most mediocre way possible. It makes me sad You know, I see that in two ways. One is that being mediocre really isn't a bad thing because it means average and a lot of people are in that category. In some sense, don't we all have some aspects of ourselves that we just want to fit in? Well, that's where being mediocre comes from. 2) In another perspective, being 'mediocre' in some ways really doesn't exist, because we all of unique in our own ways, there are no one else in the world that are exactly like us. We have our own combination of traits, just like you have described above. So really, you are who you are and not really comparable to others. Now it seems like my 2 points are contradicting and it is in some ways but that is actually how life is. It depends on how you look at things. You can't say one point is 'right' compared to the other because both has it's own merit and meaning. So what I""m saying is, don't look at being mediocre as a bad thing, since you are choosing to see it that way. And if you don't want to see yourself as being mediocre, then realize you are not because have you met someone that is exactly the same as you? I think not. Another thing, I understand the NA culture is to stand out and be special in some ways but that is really not a realistic approach in life because really, how many people in the world are in that category? Not very many. I think what we need to realize is to define what being special or standing out means in our lives and to us, not what the society say it is. Those are other people's expectations, and some are really unhealthy expectations. What's important is to do things that make you happy and healthier and makes you feel that you want to give care/love back to others. You don't need to be someone else that you are not. There are help out there and lots of it are free, you just need to google it. Whatever you have went through or experienced, typed in that and add healing strategies, coping strategies and it'll show you how you can help yourself. Believe me that you are not alone in this. There are lots of other people that feel the same as you and that's why there are also a lot of help out there. ",0.9724,positive,disappointed 569,depressed,I realized yesterday im a mediocre person,speaker,3,"I mean im mediocre like i never do things to their fullest. Cuz im scared, or lazy, or impatient. I understand i am not unique, i am not a beautiful, im just a decaying mass amongst other delaying masses",-0.8734,negative,ashamed 569,depressed,I realized yesterday im a mediocre person,listener_1,4,">I mean im mediocre like i never do things to their fullest. Cuz im scared, or lazy, or impatient. Well, I think that still doesn't make you mediocre, just that your output in doing thing is mediocre. Yes, you might feel the latter while trying to do things but partly is because of your depressed state and partly is probably because you haven't found something that you feel compelled to do, that excites you and makes you feel motivated and fulfilling to your life. You know, a lot of people out there, especially successful people, says that what's important is how your mindset is, if you tend to focus on the negative often or expect negative outcomes, it will most likely happen because that is called 'self fulfilling prophecy.' You have to understand that life in general has hardships, every living thing goes through that, the difference is how we respond to those events. I use to be very negative about everything and in turn made things so much worse than what reality was. But I have sense become aware of my pattern of thinking and feeling and instead of feeling negative, I ask myself what can I do about this and how am I going to resolve this? What tools do I need? I think you should give yourself more credit and love than you are right now. Everyone has strengths and weakness, no one is perfect and there is nothing in the world that is perfect. Find what you are good at, focus on what you can do to make your life easier and happier and healthier. Don't constantly put yourself down and think you are filled with faults. You need to learn to treat yourself with respect because think about it this way, with how you talk and see yourself, what if all those thoughts and talk were someone else saying it to you? I'm sure you will be very angry with that person and never want to speak to them again. Same thing here, don't bully yourself and value yourself. Google how to self-love. It's very helpful. ",0.9875,positive,neutral 570,depressed,Stress + Unhappiness,speaker,1,"It really fucking hurts. I can't feel fucking happy anymore. Well, I can't feel much of anything anymore. The only emotions I remember feeling are sadness, hatred, frustration, and stress. I used to be okay with stress. I just distracted myself with video games or youtube and lost a lot of my stress. Now... no. The stress is just building up and up, overwhelming the fuck out of me. I'm so fucking empty it's hard to think. Sorry for the non sequitur, I just can't follow my thoughts. It's so hard to think; it's so hard to do anything anymore. The emptiness hurts also. Wanting or mentally feeling an emotion, but getting no response. It's so fucking hard to not want to do anything at all, from lack of interest, and be forced to do schoolwork with your life depending on it. Giving up doesn't help, if anything it makes it worse. Regret is so much worse stress. I wish I had somebody to support me. I feel like people are the only thing that can calm me and/or make me happy. Too bad nobody important is in my life... I have way too many excuses to kill myself. I don't want to repeat this cycle every day. School:Stress, After school:nothing, homework:stress, night:depression and regret and frustration, repeat.",-0.9934,negative,sad 570,depressed,Stress + Unhappiness,listener_1,2,"I'm in the same position as you....My life depends on my school, I fucked up badly and made a bad decision that ruined my life. Now I'm struggling and I need to finish school, No friends, No woman in my life and nobody that I can just get along with or feel happy... I'm so stressed I can't be genuinely happy anymore.... All I want is a Job and to be with the woman that I love...Whys that too much to ask",-0.9599,negative,lonely 570,depressed,Stress + Unhappiness,speaker,3,"I also really hate myself. Like ***really***. Regret and self deprecation are so common for me. I don't know why I don't kill myself. I just regret everything and look forward to nothing, while feeling no happiness the whole time. ",-0.7703,negative,ashamed 570,depressed,Stress + Unhappiness,listener_2,4,I am getting to where you are. I feel regret and depression more than I would like. You don't know why you don't kill yourself is because we humans were not made so we could die so easily. We all have a reason to live. But society is cruel and will bring us down. Life is just a game. We have to find the secrets and that is our purpose. It's no fun if we die. ,-0.9498,negative,sad 570,depressed,Stress + Unhappiness,speaker,5,"Thank you. I just find it hard to be or stay happy... especially when the emptiness makes everything seem unimportant :/. I almost cut myself today, but decided not to because I read about people regretting it (and oh boy I just love regret) I love achievement and improvement, which is probably why I program, but when I learned pretty much most of PHP (in a sense of what I wanted to learn) it just gets boring (unless I find something new to do). Jumping to C, or even C#, seems like a huge step, so I think I'd rather be taught it than learn it on my own. Thanks for the reassurance ",0.977,positive,disappointed 570,depressed,I need help,listener_3,1,"I'm a freshman in high school and I feel so alone. Like I have low self esteem. I have friends but I never go out. I talk to girls but I get turned down cause I'm fat. I need to get my life together. I look good on the outside, it looks like i have nothing to worry about and i have a good day every day, but on the inside i really feel lonely and depressed. And I know some of you have far worse problems but this is mine. ",-0.2909,negative,lonely 570,depressed,I need help,speaker,2,"I'm almost in high school, and I feel similar. There was a motivational speaker at our school who gave a very meaningful speech about how you shouldn't let your problems build up and overwhelm you. Talk to people you trust. Talk to a therapist. If you can't do that, talk to somebody here. We all welcome you. Or just try to keep the good things on top of the bad things. A lot of the time, depression makes you forget, or not consider, the good things. Live for those things. Also, if you want something, set a goal for it. The only things that can stop you from reaching those goals are physical and mental boundaries and lack of motivation.",0.3909,positive,impressed 570,depressed,I need help,listener_3,3,"Aye thanks you, for you help, your a great person for just responding to my post and I am working on making myself a better person ",0.9118,positive,grateful 570,depressed,I need help,speaker,4,Good job! Stay motivated!,0.7568,positive,wishing 570,depressed,I need help,listener_3,5,"Aye bro you said your feel similar, I'm here to talk if you need some one. This one guy he started talking to me and he really motivated me to follow a passion of mine. All because I was alone in my room in total darkness and posted something on Reddit. Good things happen ",0.7096,positive,trusting 570,depressed,I need help,speaker,6,:) I have too many problems... you just live on with your life. Don't worry about me.,0.4031,positive,content 570,depressed,I need help,listener_3,7,"Alright bro, just know I'm always here ",0.25,positive,agreeing 571,depressed,Down on life.,speaker,1,"I'm new to this, so pardon if I make a mistake on posting. But anyways, does anyone ever feel like life ain't worth fighting for? I feel like that all the time. I hate feeling things and feeling like there's no escape. My feelings overwhelm me and I just want them to stop. I just want them to end. It's like they don't leave me alone. This is when I imagine how easy it would be to grab a gun and be done with it. I only just turned 22, but my life is a miserable hell. I am alone in a state in the USA away from family, away from friends, and away pretty much from anyone who gives a shit about me. I can't talk to my mom about this because she's pregnant, and she'll get down too. It's just so hard. I'm sure I sound like cry baby, but i guess there's just no one to talk too. ",-0.4286,negative,sad 571,depressed,Down on life.,listener_1,2,"Im 22 also, feel the same way. Like why not just lay here till I die? ugh I hate my life.",-0.836,negative,jealous 571,depressed,Down on life.,speaker,3,You guys are awesome :),0.7964,positive,acknowledging 572,depressed,I'm the kind of guy,speaker,1,"I'm the kind of guy who's 27 and still lives with mommy and daddy, the kind of guy who's only had two girlfriends his whole life, the kind of guy who self medicates his anxiety and depression with heroin, I'm the kind of guy who contemplates suicide constantly, I'm the kind of guy who pushed away what few friends he had, I'm the kind of guy who's father wont even look at, I'm the kind of guy who lets you down, the kind of guy who disappoints, fails, and contributes nothing positive or worthwhile to the world, I'm the kind of guy who can't get out bed in the morning, I'm the kind of guy who never sleeps at night, I'm the kind of guy who knows that the longer he sticks around the more sad, lonely, pathetic, and desperate his life will become, I'm the kind of guy who should kill himself, I'm the kind of guy that the world would truly be better off without, I'm the kind of guy who would save himself and his family a lot of trouble if he would just do it already, I'm the kind of guy who has no hope, no dreams, no motivation, no goals, no ambition, I'm the kind of guy who is already dead. ",-0.9879,negative,ashamed 572,depressed,I'm the kind of guy,listener_1,2,"Hi there, I'm sorry you feel so terrible almost all the time but I must disagree with most things that you have said: >who would save himself and his family a lot of trouble if he would just do it already now I don't know your family and such but I am confident in saying that majority of people that have children, don't expect them to die or give up on their own lives so they (parents) can have a better life. Most parents wants to see their child to be happy and be doing what they enjoy and be successful at it. So, no, if you did already, your parents and family would most likely be devastated. >who has no hope, no dreams, no motivation, no goals, no ambition that is just your depression talking, not you, the deeper inside person. >who's only had two girlfriends his whole life I don't see that as being a negative. A lot of people have dated less and to be honest, quality matters over quantity, especially when it comes to relationships. I understand there are a lot of societal pressure in guys 'needing' to date a lot and that is something seen as being 'masculine' but really, what matters most is what you want and feel comfortable with. Following society in that regard is just doing harm to yourself. You are much better than what society/culture expects of it's people. >who lets you down You know, i use to feel that way all the time. I felt that i was a complete burden to my single mom and that i couldn't do anything that was good enough or meaningful but it's not true. My brain just chose to feel and think that way but in reality it isn't true. And most importantly, failing yourself is much worse than failing others. Just like you, I've failed myself for the first few decades of my life but I've changed since last Jan and that's why I'm here, replying you, telling you that you can do this too! Depression sucks, and feeling miserable inside and alone is terrible. A lot of people have been there and you are not alone. And a lot of people that have been there are also getting better and feeling better about themselves and their lives. I'm not going to lie that it's an easy process because it isn't but it sure is worth it! I'm not sure if you have netflix but I would recommend you to watch Tony Robbins'd doc ""I am not your Guru."" You don't have to change if you don't want to, because you are the sole controller and decider of your life but it would be terrific to just see how other people are living like and what they are doing or not doing about it. I want to let you know that you can get better from your state if you really want to. First, you need to get your depression under control and your drug addiction managed and then stopped. I don't know where you live, but a lot of places now have rehab centers to help you with your addiction. The process is extremely difficult because withdrawal from heroin is severe sometimes but understand that once you passes your withdrawal symptoms, your brain starts to reform back to it's healthier state. And actually, heroin doesn't help you with anxiety or depression, it just numbs everything. That's what opiates do in our system. It doesn't resolve anything, nothing at all. So it's very important to stop that so you can get the happier life that you deserve to have. Go find a counsellor that specializes in addiction, depression, anxiety and the traumas that you have experienced in your life. FInding a therapist that you can be comfortable with is very important. And lastly, 27 isn't old and it's never too late to change when is comes to life. Read up the story about the Kentucky chicken guy. He didn't start changing his life until he retired at 65 yrs old. I want to let you know that, no matter how terrible you feel, it isn't hopeless. Having a range of emotions is healthy and being human. It's not about not being sad, but how to not let the sadness get you down. It's not about living a happy life but how and what you do to make it happen. Everything starts with you because you have control over your life's decisions. When you seek, you will find. Just like how you decided to find heroin to numb your negative feelings. You do want to feel better, the sheer act of you using drugs for your pain indicates you want to get better. There are healthier and more effective ways out there to help you actually feel better, instead of running away from your problems. The only way to heal and move one, is to face your issues head one. They need to be resolved so you can allow yourself to have dreams, hopes and everything else that you say you don't have right now. (other helpful resources could be online forums on depression, articles in managing depression/anxiety, self help books, tedtalks on youtube, or youtube on mental health)",-0.7405,negative,trusting 572,depressed,I'm the kind of guy,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,1,"I dont know how to feel guys, the girl I love with all my heart is just dragging me along and playimg with my heart. Im trying to show her how much i love her, taking her out, treating her like a fucking princess, She tells me shes not ready for a relationship ect.ect. me being ever so patient will wait until i die to be with this girl again, so i figure ill take the time to show her how much she means to me but its all for nothing today she snapchatted me by accident a picture of some hickeys on her neck, WTF i call her like why do you have to lie to me just trying to get an answer and she blocked me like wtf is wrong with me twice this chick has broke my fucking heart but i still try and win her back im so pathetic i really should die",-0.955,negative,faithful 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,2,Why am i so dumb why cant i get over her ,-0.6418,negative,annoyed 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,3,Last night i took 40 to 63 xanax bars and took to roxies and idrank a pint of don julio .ibreally wanted to not wake up but i cant even kill myself right ,0.7275,positive,guilty 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,4,Thsnk yout i know ill make it its just i w nted to mske it for her,-0.4215,negative,agreeing 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,5,Im gonna clock that nigaa on my momma deadass like im gonna shoot this kid,0.0258,neutral,confident 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,6,Thank you man i cant imagine life with out.her ,0.3612,positive,grateful 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,7,"I self medicate with xanax, valium, roxies and k its so unhealthy but honesty ive wanted nothing more than to be with her im really ready to blow my fucking brains out ",0.7719,positive,ashamed 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,8,Thank you i just at l3 8 stix man ive been betrer latle)ltk,0.3612,positive,grateful 573,depressed,Just done,listener_1,9,shes not worth this pain. you need to prioritize yourself,-0.6748,negative,neutral 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,10,I think im done witht the pain im goong into the woods and that it im blowinf my brains out ....no more pain not a care at all ,-0.8598,negative,content 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,11,She is who i an she my best friend but shes likebscared of forver i dont wantbto be successful unless shes right next to met,-0.1048,negative,afraid 573,depressed,Just done,listener_1,12,"no ones worth that man. stick in there, you know you have people who love you",0.3257,positive,faithful 573,depressed,Just done,speaker,13,I know i know but its like i cant imagine a womd without her ,0.5023,positive,neutral 574,depressed,I'm not okay,speaker,1,"I don't know what I'm living for, no house, dead end job, girlfriend left, I'm in debt. I just don't know what I'm doing. Idk if I'm suicidal but I don't want to live like this. I feel like I'm putting in the effort but no one cares or sees it. What should I do?",-0.4464,negative,lonely 574,depressed,I'm not okay,listener_1,2,"Visit a community college, it's a start to find a place that works for you, if not for a career, maybe just meet some people?",0.0,neutral,suggesting 574,depressed,I'm not okay,speaker,3,I was at a community college but I failed a class and financial aid wouldn't covet it.,-0.6652,negative,ashamed 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,speaker,1,I cant take it anymore the last few days ive been ok but today i cant take the hurt anymore im gonna get all those thoughts out permanently....to all my reddit friends ill see you on the other side ,0.6921,positive,consoling 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_1,2,"Please don't. I'm sure whatever it is/has been it doesn't deserve getting the best of you. You DO have a purpose and you DO have meaning. Giving up sure isn't going to solve anything, let's talk this out..? ",0.8246,positive,questioning 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,speaker,3,But giving up would make me not feel anything anymore and thats what i need,0.4767,positive,neutral 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_1,4,"Ok, why do you think that? What is it you're feeling? What is causing your sadness/pain? And don't just say ""everything"", I really want to help so let's get specific if possible :) ",0.8223,positive,questioning 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_2,5,Maybe he is like me: The emptiness is too much to handle. You can't define a cause of emptiness/lack of emotion/lack of purpose. It is just there and has been there,-0.1027,negative,sad 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_1,6,So are you just not willing to search for what fills it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_2,7,I'd love to. And I've tried. But I either don't know what fills it or don't find the things that fill my emptiness possible or likely. ,-0.3071,negative,disappointed 575,depressed,Done done today is the day im walking down to the woods putting my revolver in my wais band and im gonna end it,listener_1,8,"Keep looking and know that sometimes it takes a lot of little bits of different things to fill it. I graduated college and got an office job like I thought I was supposed to. Two and a half years of that ends me up with a psychiatrist and antidepressants. That all helped me drudge through the shitty job but I still felt like I was cheating myself by just drugging my mind into this monotony. So I quit that job. I stopped caring what I would tell people I did for work and knew that am fully capable of taking care of myself with less money. Trust me there was an adjustment period, but the world didn't end. It's been a year since then and this Monday I start working on my first (paying/non-family) clients house. I love creating and decorating so I put those talents together and help people redecorate rooms. I'm so exited to help this person have the room they want! It took me two years of weekends and evenings building things, buying tools, and watching videos to feel comfortable enough to try a real ""third party"" clients house. Real passions take time. Please don't give up on yourself. ",0.9943,positive,ashamed 576,depressed,Can you cry?,speaker,1,"I find this frustrating. I feel so empty. I want to cry, but my body just won't do it. Does anyone else feel the same way? ",-0.5631,negative,lonely 576,depressed,Can you cry?,listener_1,2,"Sometimes I go months without shedding a single tear, then some weeks I cry 3 times a day. So yes and no. ",0.1005,positive,ashamed 576,depressed,Can you cry?,speaker,3,That's exactly how I feel. I'm also nihilistic so my thoughts don't help either. Thanks,-0.5667,negative,agreeing 577,depressed,Bad day at work,speaker,1,"Now I know that for some people, having a bad day at work is something trivial and they face much greater challenges. But work is pretty much all I have. My life is pointless, I have no friends and am not pretty nor confident enough to make any, especially given that I'm no spring chicken anymore either. Being always alone and having no hope is slightly less horrible when I can bury myself in work, but as of late work has been way too complicated and I broke the programming code again today. I feel like an utter loser once more, since work was all that I had, and I'm not even sure yet on how to fix the problem. And there is no one I could ask for help, because it is way too complicated. Maybe I'll manage to fix it and get it running safely again, I don't know. But in the meantime, I really feel like shit, and just had to get it out there somewhere, because I can't exactly talk to anyone about it.",-0.9658,negative,lonely 577,depressed,Bad day at work,listener_1,2,"I can relate to this. Whenever I have a bad day at work, it just kindof ruins the rest of my week, makes me want to harm myself and such overreactions. It's not ""normal"", and it's really frustrating that I can't just take a bad day at work at face value: a bad day at work. Do you have a good relationship with your coworkers? Are they supportive and/or helpful? Having a lack of close friends is rough, but if your coworkers are good people, maybe mention how bad you're feeling about whatever mistake you made. They may be able to help, or at least commiserate. We've all been there, and possibly your coworkers more so, as they work in the same field as you.",-0.644,negative,questioning 577,depressed,Bad day at work,speaker,3,"I'm trying my best to become friends with them. It isn't easy at all. I thought I was on a good path with the female assistant to the management, but today I helped her carry down an old printer into the basement (well, me and another guy, who put his weight on the printer when I lifted it up alone to force me to carry it together. I can carry that printer just fine without the added weight because I'm actually tall enough, but trying to lift the printer AND his weight at the same time wasn't enjoyable, so thank you very much for that). When we came back up and I was faster on the stairs, they talked down on me being stupid for being so young and ruining my back with the printer and whatnot (I recently carried a normal sized european washing mashine into the basement at home alone down the stairs -.-) and that I would grow up some day and be as wise as they are, and how they were stupid when they were young too. I am less than 6% younger than that guy, and around 15% younger than the assistant to the management, which at this point is like no difference at all. I guess what I'm trying to say is that people believe that I'm much younger than I actually am, and they talk down to me at work instead of being friends. And today wasn't the first time I got to feel it. I do try to ask for help whenever possible. And to clarify, I didn't exactly screw up, just implemented something new and it broke a ton of other stuff, which I fixed today (hopefully). But it ain't pretty, and I don't enjoy it.",-0.0991,negative,trusting 577,depressed,Bad day at work,listener_1,4,"I'm sorry to hear that :( Have you mentioned how you feel about them talking down to you? Do they know how old you are? And more importantly, do you feel comfortable talking to them? Obviously I don't know anything about your situation, but I do think it would be beneficial to think about whether you can see yourself being happy at your job with these coworkers, or if it's simply a bad work environment.",0.7605,positive,sympathizing 577,depressed,Bad day at work,speaker,5,"It's my first job. I got a great master's degree in engineering and can't use it, because I'm too bad at presenting myself and it took 7 months to get get a job in the first place. It may not exactly be what I studied (and I have no clue about most stuff), but I'm doing my very best to figure it all out on the way. What I'm trying to say is, I can't get another job, I'm stuck with this one. At least for a few years to collect some magical job experience, whatever that is. And my coworkers aren't really bad people at their core, they were teasing me more than being mean, like you would tease a child. I will certainly not tell people how old I really am. There is no point in that, really. Else they would realize how much of a social screwup I really am, being this old and sucking at life. And it wouldn't be different at another job, because all of this is based on how I behave. And I behave the way I want to be as a person, not the way others would expect me to be, so it is not without reason that they expect me to be younger. It just sucks. I had foolishly hoped that it would turn out different, to try and finally make some friends, but I'll have to settle for nice-ish coworkers who just sometimes tease me for being a percieved spring chicken. And without that job, I might as well jump a train. Thank you for taking time out of your day and caring and responding <3 I really appreciate it. Now that I have vented (and stuffed myself with chocolate for two days straight) I am not as crushed anymore, for the moment at least. And will do whatever it takes tomorrow to fix the rest of what I didn't manage to fix today.",0.9744,positive,ashamed 577,depressed,Bad day at work,listener_1,6,"Glad to help! One last point though: no one is going to look down on you for being ""this old and sucking at life."" I've worked at so many different places with so many different people of different ages. Everybody lives life differently, and everybody has gone through times that make them feel like a screwup. If your coworkers are decent people at all, they won't even think twice about your age in relation to your job position. They should know you're doing the best you can. Keep your head up, be the best you can be, and things will be ok :)",0.9531,positive,sympathizing 578,depressed,Depressed Isnt Even The Word,speaker,1,"How do you disconnect yourself from the person you love the most because they want nun to do with you? Spent over 2 years loving him. I wanthim he doesnt want me, i got pregnant && he forced me to get an abortion. He wont talk to me, he swears he knows nun bout our kids. I just want to stop crying && caring but i havent yet. I just dont know whats wrong with me. I love him more than anything in the world. I just wanna be good enough ",0.9509,positive,sad 578,depressed,Depressed Isnt Even The Word,listener_1,2,I love you ,0.6369,positive,caring 578,depressed,Depressed Isnt Even The Word,listener_2,3,We care for you,0.4939,positive,caring 579,depressed,Depression?,speaker,1,"I recently quit smoking weed, which was quite heavily used, and its been a little over a month and I believe i am starting to get the weed depression symptom. Any ideas on how to help cope with it or when it should stop? anything helps.",-0.1531,negative,questioning 579,depressed,Depression?,listener_1,2,"I definitely understand that desire to smoke. I have clinical depression and social anxiety disorder. One of my favorite things to do in the world is smoke a big bowl and go cruise with some good music by myself. Recently though I've opted to stop smoking as it can raise my anxiety through the roof. I find distractions help a lot, keep yourself busy with a fun video game until it's time to hit the hay. The next day will always be better. ",0.802,positive,agreeing 579,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,3,Not if you repeat that every day of your life. Distractions won't help in the long run. They will make your life more and more pointless.,-0.5037,negative,annoyed 579,depressed,Depression?,listener_1,4,"Believe me, I understand. There is no cure all unfortunately. You just do what you can do and try to keep moving forward. I wish I could tell you the perfect recipe. ",0.4215,positive,agreeing 579,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,5,"There are so many things wrong with me, I don't know if I can move forward. I actually made a [list](https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/610ars/a_list_of_all_the_things_i_would_love_to_change/) I've gotten to a point where I am relieved to be sad. Because when I am sad, then I have emotion. Otherwise, there is just nothing. And that is just one of the 5 huge problems with me.",-0.8107,negative,sad 580,depressed,A list of all the things I would love to change,speaker,1,"- What makes me happy. I would love to have something that makes me happy. - My will to live. I'd love to have a goal, or something that motivates me. - My introversion. I'd love to be able to talk to people. - My emptiness. I'd love to be able to feel something. The emptiness hurts. So fucking bad. - My loved ones. I'd love to have somebody to care about. I'd love to have emotional support. - My loneliness. I'd love to have emotional support. Loneliness is linked with emptiness and lack of self worth. The loneliness hurts. Especially when you feel like you are missing out on so much; so many people that you could get to know, but you can't - My personality. I'd love to be cared for. - My daily activities. I'd love to have something to talk about, so I can be cared for by people. - My memories. I'd love to be able to look back at something happy, or something at all. - My confusion. I'd love to be able to know why I am so fucking depressed and how to stop it. I'd love to know how this *can* get any better. - My self worth. I'd love to feel pride. I'd love to not only see bad things in myself. - My regrets. I'd love to not remember all/only the errors. - What I'm looking forward to. I'd love to have a reason to keep living. - What I dread. I'd love to abandon all the reasons to kill myself. - My motivation. I'd love to be able to perform regular activities. I'd love to be able to work hard, to prevent even more dread and regret. It's fucking snowballing, isn't it? - My fear of pain. I'd love to be able to hurt myself. - My fear of death. I'd love to be able to kill myself. - My failure. It really motivates me to get low grades. I'm struggling to keep trying. - My skill at creating lists. Sorry for making this post so disorganized.",0.9935,positive,lonely 581,depressed,Depression is weird,speaker,1,"I'm definitely not as depressed as some, or even most people, but I wouldn't say I'm not depressed at all. I have no motivation to do anything. Even things that I know I'll enjoy I tend to dread just because they involve expending effort. I've always been a procrastinator, but recently it's gotten out of hand. I don't know how to put it, I care about life in general but not about any of the things I'm doing in it right now. Which is strange because isn't that what life is? A collection of the things we do? I hate the mentality that our biggest accomplishments/goals/currents pursuits define us. That is not true. But it makes it hard to feel like you do anything worthwhile when you look at your life based only on the big things. I'm currently happier than I have been in a long time overall, and yet still less motivated than ever. It's a conflicting feeling. I'm pursuing things I enjoy, spending my days with people I love, expanding my horizons, learning new and interesting things about myself and the human condition, and yet I still never want to get off of my couch. DEPRESSION IS WEIRD. Is doesn't make everybody feel like life is hopeless and that we're all a bunch of flesh bags just wasting time here until we die. (We aren't, by the way.) It doesn't make anybody feel the same way, which is why it's so very isolating. Sometimes it helps to take comfort in knowing that others can relate, but more often than not I find myself wishing that they couldn't because I'm going to feel alone no matter what. Recently, I haven't been feeling like ""myself"". I find myself looking in the mirror and thinking about my recent actions and how they don't fall into the category of things that I would do. This is a contradictory and silly thing to me because technically everything I do is something that I would do. (Duh.) I think about my younger self and how she would feel about what I'm doing. Something that I try to remember is that you don't owe anything to your past self. Human plans change. I don't care what you had planned or how you thought things were going to turn out, it's OKAY IF THOSE THINGS DON'T HAPPEN. It's ok if they do happen and you end up not liking them. It's okay. EVERYTHING IS OKAY. It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to be honest. It's okay to not know things. It's okay to feel foolish. It's okay to get embarrassed. It's okay to be you. Being 100% yourself, albeit sometimes quite difficult, is the only true way to be happy, I've discovered. This doesn't mean some twisted expectation of yourself, this means really yourself. Admit everything to yourself, even the stuff you're embarrassed about, and allow yourself to exist without expectation. You'll find that you'll gravitate towards people you truly like and have things in common with, and like the people who gravitate towards you. YES these are all clichés. ""You're not alone."" ""Everything is going to turn out okay."" ""Be yourself."" Blah blah. You've heard these a million times and they never held any meaning and probably still don't. I'm not challenging you to open up your mind to these platitudes, but until you truly discover the meaning of them for yourself and in your soul, don't discredit their meaning for other people. I am, however, challenging you to question your feelings, push yourself to try new things even when you don't want to, keep an open mind, and accept yourself for who you are and what you like within. Once you are able to do that, nothing in the outside will matter. I don't know if this helped you, if it didn't, if you liked it or not, but you read this far so thank you. Even if only one line from this long ass post sticks with you, it's worth it. You never know what's going to affect people and truly stick with and influence them. People are weird, man. Depression is weird. I hope you can find something to smile about today. ",0.9956,positive,disappointed 581,depressed,Depression is weird,listener_1,2,I really really needed to read this. Thank you!! ,0.536,positive,grateful 581,depressed,Depression is weird,speaker,3,You're welcome! I'm seriously so glad someone (besides me) found meaning in it. ,0.7549,positive,grateful 582,depressed,I am so depressed,speaker,1,I can't even cry anymore I'm so numb and use to ppl treating me like shit. So I'll just lay here in bed keeping it all in,-0.3944,negative,sad 582,depressed,I am so depressed,listener_1,2,I with you buddy. I know the feel. At times like these I just refer to some inspirational figures whether it's a fictional or non fictional character. ,0.7003,positive,agreeing 582,depressed,I am so depressed,speaker,3,It sucks so much I hate this feeling,-0.7040000000000001,negative,sad 583,depressed,confused,speaker,1,"I've been treating myself like shit a lot lately, which isn't new, but I've also had lots of trouble socially. Usually I can fake being happy with ease, but my depression has gotten so bad lately even small talk is extremely difficult to get through without coming off as uninterested or bitchy. I just can't get into whatever people are talking about because I'm too focused on how confused I am with myself and what my future holds. I just want to go back to being internally depressed but externally normal, and I don't know how to do that.",-0.9739,negative,sad 583,depressed,confused,listener_1,2,"This is exactly what I am feeling. So much confused about my life and what does my future holds. May be if I can talk to someone, but that seems so remote possibility, that I have shut myself in. And what happens now is that if people try to talk to me, I just cannot invest into what they have to say, I just want them to not see me. I just want to be left alone. But the thing is that the more you get busy trying to reason, the more problems you will bring in. But it's is good to know that there is someone else like me. I just wish u and I had someone to talk to. That's all. ",0.6727,positive,lonely 583,depressed,confused,speaker,3,"Yeah it sucks so much. I also had a date planned earlier today but he flaked on me so that just makes everything so much worse. All I want is just someone to connect with and someone to bond to, but I can't even do that no matter how hard I push myself to get out there.",-0.7165,negative,sad 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,speaker,1,"Emptiness is really annoying and painful. Not feeling any emotions whatsoever. No sadness, no happiness, no empathy, just nothing. It's a relief to be depressed, because then you actually have emotions. It also affects my thoughts. I can't think when I am feeling really empty. Maybe that is my mind protecting me from depression. I don't know. I just know I want it to go away. I want to be able to feel something again. ",-0.9495,negative,lonely 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,listener_1,2,"me too haha. *attempts to satisfy the depths of my loneliness/emptiness/self-loathing/monotony with mountains of highly caloric foods* ...2 days later... *attempts to purge the evil ID from the foundations of my personality via starvation* ...repeat. I hate and yet greatly desire the empty grey haze which encapsulates the depths of murky apathy, depression, despair, and starvation. haha",-0.7328,negative,agreeing 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,speaker,3,"I enjoy depression compared to emptiness. I find emptiness terrible, I can't think nor feel anything I want to think or feel. It frustrates me. And then people want you to talk about it, but they don't realize your thoughts are too jumbled to think about what you did that day. I see where you come from. I can't relate or even currently state my opinion on it. I don't get how I'm supposed to live like this. I don't get how I'm supposed to endure the emptiness, depression, self hatred and monotony. With no support whatsoever, one day or another I'm going to kill my self ",-0.983,negative,sad 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,speaker,4,I haven't tried anything I think it is from loneliness. I'm not sure,-0.5806,negative,lonely 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,listener_2,5,"Lonliness and isolation can definitely lead to interesting changes in consciousness. Our mind is very powerful and it is easy to fall down a rabbit hole, as some say, into a place unfamiliar, or uncomfortable. Numbness is one of these perspectives. I am trying to narrow it down to see if it is somethg physical, or spiritual that is affecting your neural pathways and thought processes. Your emotions will follow an imbalance in either physical hormones, or believing certain negative things. What is your background, if you don't mind me asking ?? ",0.4124,positive,apprehensive 584,depressed,How to get rid of the emptiness?,speaker,6,Well I actually found out I have every symptom of avoidant personality disorder I don't really remember anything in my past. Literally almost nothing.,-0.1531,negative,surprised 585,depressed,My endless struggle,speaker,1,"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Nothing feels right. I'm not doing well in college. My friends here are tearing each other apart. I don't conform to the social norm: I don't/can't drink, drugs aren't for me. And here I am with friends who do both, drinking more regularly than anything. They go out nearly every weekend, and want to. I'm rarely included (mostly cause I'm a guy who isn't in a frat) so I just don't do anything. I've wanted to die in the past, but I do as time moves forward. I can't make anyone laugh or bring smiles to their faces. I'm out of shape because I fractured my foot and sprained my ankle as back to back injuries. Even my friends back home are more focused on drinking. And here I am. I have nothing I inherently enjoy to do, no way of releasing stress, so here I am. Trying to calm myself down by typing this out. I long for the day I die, but I don't think I have the power to do anything. I wish people would get rid of me so I'd never have to deal with anything. ",-0.0375,neutral,lonely 585,depressed,My endless struggle,listener_1,2,"I'm the same pretty much, the key is to find friends who enjoy more moderate hobbies, i.e board games, card games, movies, videogames. Get friends that are adjusted to YOU, the reason you feel so out of place is because you're looking in the wrong place for friends. You've convinced yourself you're an outcast when in fact introverts make up about 50 percent of us all. Also, lift weights because by the sounds of it you over think. That could be brought on by a lack of testosterone, lifting changes the brain and makes it more masculine, it's proven this reduces anxiety massively.",0.9062,positive,apprehensive 585,depressed,My endless struggle,speaker,3,Thank you for taking the time to read my post and reply. I can't describe how I feel right now,0.3612,positive,grateful 585,depressed,My endless struggle,speaker,4,I just wanted to say that I'm here replying to this because I've thought about your comment everyday since you posted it. You are someone worth admiring and I want you to remember that ,0.5859,positive,sentimental 585,depressed,My endless struggle,speaker,5,I'll try. Thank you for this. I honestly needed this. Thank you,0.7906,positive,grateful 585,depressed,My endless struggle,listener_1,6,"No problem, take back control man.",0.3089,positive,angry 585,depressed,My endless struggle,speaker,7,I hope you understand you're one of the best people to exist in this world. I still think about your reply and it is what is continuing to ground me to reality. You are a light in humanity and I hope you know that you are ,0.875,positive,grateful 585,depressed,My endless struggle,listener_1,8,"Awesome to hear man, here's some more advice spend less time in your head and more time doing stuff. If you think less and do more you'll be happier. Elliot Hulse on YouTube taught me that I recommend him. ",0.8824,positive,acknowledging 585,depressed,My endless struggle,listener_2,9,"Thanks, I was really taken aback when I read this this morning :] if there's anything else you're curious about or if you just want to vent don't hesitate to PM me. ",0.8595,positive,surprised 586,depressed,How do you do it?,speaker,1,"So...how exactly do you move on from a close friend just up and abandoning you--because of your depression. This was somebody who changed you immensely and you felt was a truly close friend but it then turned out they were simply using you to entertain themselves. Every time his name is mentioned, I get this spike of anxiety. I see a picture of him or hear any stories of him? Anxiety spikes. I SEE HIM? I'm out for a month. He now goes to the same college I do and after seeing him ONCE, everything that I had built up to be happy and confident just came crashing down and now I'm having doubts about my best friend. Him and the other one, let's call him Beta; they were best friends. Beta was my best friend's old best friend. So now I'm having doubts about everything, and I can't stop it. I've stopped moving, and I honestly don't want to. My friend sent me a huge message saying how much I mean to him and while I appreciate it so much because it was so unexpected and he rarely does things like that; my mind just rejected it. It was just words and I don't want it to be like that. It really really hurts. Now I'm just thinking so many things like how maybe I should just leave my friend and be completely alone because that would make it easier to finally jump.",0.9961,positive,sad 586,depressed,How do you do it?,listener_1,2,"To be honest it's a hard thing to deal with having a friend abandon you because of mental illness. I've had it happen to me and it really truly sucks because it feels like it confirms all the bad things depression is telling you. The whole I'm so worthless no one loves me type of thinking. The fact is that your brain is telling you things that aren't true. They feel true but they aren't and it can be very hard to believe that. Sometimes it's important to treat a lot of the things you think with a fact checker. ""Do my friends actually like me or are they just humouring me?"" 99.9% of the time they do actually like you. Your brain is just determined to see any perceived rejection as support that they are humouring you. ""Oh they went out with John last night but not me, I'm clearly not a priority."" Something that might help is asking them what they think is awesome about you or how they would describe you (you can pretend you're doing a bio for something). They'll list traits etc they like about you and you'll have reasons why they want to be friends with you and a few compliments to make you feel a bit better. The heartfelt message your friend sent? It's probably true. Right now you're just at a low and so you don't feel worthy of having that heartfelt message. Just because it's words doesn't make it worthless. Sometimes it's hard to convey things with actions alone. Maybe they're unsure how to support or help you. Take their words at face value, they like you and want to help you. When you're having difficulties the best thing to do is not to isolate yourself. Make new friends, develop new hobbies and interests that get you out and about with other people. If that's hard for you ask a friend to come along with you. If you're in college this can be super easy there's always lots of clubs to join. The simple truth is that being abandoned by someone is awful. It feels like they're rejecting you and it can really reinforce all the negative things you're telling yourself. But having them abandon you speaks more about what kind of person they are than what kind of person you are. Speaking from after being abandoned I now have some great friends that even though I occasionally doubt that they actually like me I know they genuinely do, and it helps because they've been where I am so when I ask stupid things like ""do you guys actually like me?"" They know it's because sometimes your brain is determined to hate on you. TL;DR You can recover after being abandoned by a friend. Also your brain is lying to you. Fact check the thoughts your depression is telling you. Don't isolate yourself try and meet new people and make new friends (even though it's exhausting and feels impossible).",0.9978,positive,sad 586,depressed,How do you do it?,speaker,3,"Seriously, thank you for this. I read the entire thing and I hope what he says is true. It definitely is hard when your brain is literally rejecting any type of support. Thank you so much for this, I'm going to keep this in mind and hopefully I'll do better. Ever since my friend abandoned me, it feels like time stopped so I hope to get that moving again.",0.9616,positive,consoling 586,depressed,How do you do it?,listener_1,4,"I'm really happy my message helped. Dealing with depression is an ongoing fight and having friend issues on top of that only makes it more difficult. I get what you mean about time stopping and it made it really hard to trust the rest of my friends (she was a friend I made outside school so losing her friendship didn't affect my others) at the time even if they didn't know of my struggles. I was really stuck in the mindset that I was only in the group because they were humouring me, that as soon as I left everyone was like ""why is she here?"" It was especially challenging as we transferred to university from High School and their distance made me feel like it was proof they never liked me instead of thinking logically that I did move to a different university several hours away and that everyone was busy adjusting to their new lives. Having made it past that I can tell it's my depression that made me feel that way. I definitely stand by with making new friends and interests and it's seriously hard. But it will help. ",0.8562,positive,grateful 587,depressed,I'm way too stressed out at school and depressed?,speaker,1,"I have no motivation at all. I've been pushing myself to do my assignments, but I can't anymore. I only have one month to finish my semester, but I am way too overwhelmed. First off, I don't think I can do my presentation tomorrow. I have been coughing for days and it's hard to talk for a very long time since I will cough if I talk too long. I had a fever a week ago and my body is feeling like I have a fever every now and then somewhere this week. Second, my laptop that is my main I use at school stop working. I can't access all my stuff. I can't sleep today because everything seems to makes me go crazy. I don't know what to do. I just wanna drop all my classes. I can't do anything. I'm typing all this and my body is trembling. What to do? I feel like crying, but I can't. Third, I go to school but I don't think I am learning. Right now I feel like I'm going crazy. I want to stop college for at least a year and come back again. I feel like such a failure. This is my first time having all this issues. ",-0.9172,negative,anxious 587,depressed,I'm way too stressed out at school and depressed?,listener_1,2,It's good to step back and take a break. I had to take a break when I had a job while going to college. I couldn't do both. Took a year to focus on my job. Got overworked and left to finish college. Now that I finish college I don't even have a job...I feel like I'm stuck in limbo here so I know how you feel. I'm currently looking for a minimum wage job. I just need some side money to do some computer repairs and can start working on other projects. I've gotten so desperate for a job I started working for postmates...what a shit show that company is...once I pay off finishing a traffic ticket and then fix the brakes on my car. I'm finding a local job. Going into college I thought I would have more opportunities. Once upon a time I did but as time went forward I started to lose self esteem. That's where weed came into play to get out of situation. So far it helped me stop being depressed and sleeping better but then I realize I was just procrastinating...stopped smoking weed for the next couple years and it's time to grow up. My anxiety is back and insomnia kicks in thinking when is the next job opportunity going to call me? I know how you feel. I've tried so hard and yet I feel like college was a waste of my time. I have to keep moving forward because who else is going to take care of me when my mom is gone. I don't even know who is my family. It's just me. As far as I know all the family that did i knew back then I'm dead to them and have to make it on my own. That feeling of being a winner in high school and letting everybody use me for what I have to getting help from nobody when I ask help in return made me work that much harder. It's a cruel world but I have to keep trying. Never give up because I have not given up either. I'm in a point in my life where I said bye to people like the last episode of Seinfeld.,0.6312,positive,lonely 587,depressed,I'm way too stressed out at school and depressed?,speaker,3,"I'm still overwhelemed, but not as bad as last night. I'm planning to drop one or two classes, even planning to drop my major since I am not planning to go back to the same school. I also know a few people who were my classmates back then; they are finding a job still in oil and gas industry. I deviated from that path to take IT, but the amount of work is ridiculous than the other majors. Since I'm taking a 2 year diploma everything is fast-paced. The lectures started from easy then it suddenly jump to advanced or expert level in my java class. That left me little motivation, because of the amount of assignments due every single week. Sometimes with little sleep or no sleep at all, but you still go to school. Hard to focus without sleep and you feel like passing out every time. Also, my health is affecting me with the stress I'm getting. After thinking about it for a few weeks, so I plan to go to university instead after a year. At least, it's not as bad as trying to finish everything in two years. I also know that feeling when you help them with all you can and you get little or no help at all. It is really frustrating to the point that you don't want to help that person again. Thank you for the encouraging advice. ",0.8067,positive,apprehensive 587,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_2,1,I'm so sad and depressed today ,-0.7879999999999999,negative,sad 587,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_3,2,"I love you , don't be sad darling 💜",0.8352,positive,sympathizing 587,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_4,3,"Well, this is /r/depressed...",0.2732,positive,sad 587,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_5,4,Been there. Actually it will make u more depressed by being there ,-0.5563,negative,neutral 587,depressed,I'm so sad,listener_4,5,It does,0.0,neutral,neutral 588,depressed,I'm depressed.,speaker,1,Living is so hard.. ,-0.2183,negative,sad 588,depressed,I'm depressed.,listener_1,2,It definitely is at times. :) But there's always hope. I am praying for you my friend. And I love you. Stay strong ok?,0.9788,positive,agreeing 588,depressed,I'm depressed.,speaker,3,Thank you! You're so sweet! Ly2💕,0.9052,positive,wishing 589,depressed,.,speaker,1,Feeling very suicidal right now.. I feel like hurting myself.,-0.6697,negative,afraid 589,depressed,.,listener_1,2,Hang in there. You are not alone. Tell me what's going on. ,0.1877,positive,lonely 589,depressed,.,speaker,3,Everything.. I feel like i'm not good enough. I can't look after myself anymore.. I constantly have family problems and I just want to shut myself from the world and disappear. All in all i'm just struggling with depression and anxiety. ,-0.8861,negative,sad 590,depressed,some brutal honesty,speaker,1,"This is a venting post. I’m twenty years old. I’m a college student pursuing a CS degree at a good university, I have an amazing group of friends with whom I’ll live with and constantly show me how much they care about me and like me. I have a hugely loving supporting and big family who are always there for me. And I struggle a lot every single day to get through. When I was in the 8th grade my health professor told us that it was normal to feel sad and alone for a short while but if it went on too long, then that wasn’t normal. When I was in the 8th grade, five of my friends moved away and maybe that was the catalyst but I got incredibly depressed. And continued to be seriously depressed until the 10th grade. To the point where I would cut my wrists (still have some epic scars), let my grades slip and in general, spent a lot of time crying and feeling like nothing was worth anything. The only reason I never killed myself was because I’d rather suffer through hell than make my parents go through the death of a child. I also had a lot of body issues and that’s where a lot my emotional eating habits began. When I reached 10th-11th grade, things got better. I wouldn’t say it was me, it was more like my brain and body were like: “ok puberty is kind of over so things are okay”. I still had really really bad days but I stopped cutting myself and in general, there where more good days than bad. Senior year first semester I really fucked up. I would stay up until 3 am only to drag myself out of bed at 7 am for school, go to soccer practice from 3-6 and then pass out as soon as I got home. I stopped talking to my family, every talk with my dad was a fight about college and my GPA fell 5% from junior year. I ended up getting into some good schools but the best one was a very expensive one that’s barely top 40. (I know this may sounds like snobby but from where I come from, going to a school that isn’t top 50 is considered a huge failure). My dad can barely afford it and he works so freaking hard to pay for it because he wants me to be successful and study at a good school and achieve my goals. When senior year ended, I felt great. Second semester went much better, I was coping, I was feeling great. I guess most people feel that way when they finish high school. Like finally, they have their entire lives, their real lives ahead of them. And I felt good about myself and my body. For once, food wasn’t this huge concern. Now I’m almost done with my freshman year and I don’t know what to do. I’ve gained 13kg. 13 KILOS. That’s twice Freshman Fifteen. I hate when guys talk to me or look at me (not that they ever do) I don’t want a guy to approach me ever because I feel like there’s no way I am pretty enough or skinny. I am like this huge slob and I hate my body and my face. Plus a lot of my clothes don’t fit me as well as they did and honestly, clothes in this world are NOT made for fatter people so it’s kind of impossible to find clothes that look good on me. I keep trying to jumpstart my healthy habits but food has become this crutch for me and most importantly a habit. I basically have binge-eating disorder and I hate myself for it. I’ve also never been in love, or had sex, or dated anyone. In HS I was in this on and off hook up thing for a long time but it never went further because I only felt physically attracted to him. I have a lot of friends I think are beautiful and funny and they’re single and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them so i try to remind myself that but it’s hard. I never thought I’d be one of those people who turns 23 without having dated anyone but I guess it’s who I am going to be. Also, I missed the cutoff grade for one of my required classes by like 4% so i am retaking it. And now it seems I’ll miss a cutoff grade again and if that happens, I will kill myself. I mean, I wish I had a long time ago but i can’t. I just can’t do that to my parents. I can’t fucking do it. So I am trapped. And IK I should “talk to someone” but the school I attend isn’t exactly known for its therapists and I can’t really ask my parents to pay a therapist here. I don’t know for how much longer I can keep this up. I know I need to change. I know what I need to do: “Work hard. Start actually doing your work, going to tutoring, stop sleeping so much and watching tv and skipping classes. Small steps is key: try setting the goal of only drinking water for one month, then eating veggies with every meal, etc ,etc. Small attainable goals.” It’s easy to talk the talk. When I look back, I know if I had told my mother about my depression when I was 13, I would’ve been diagnosed with clinical depression and given pills. And maybe that would’ve helped me, and saved me from a lot of pain and mistakes. But I can’t help but feel that this is always going to be my life. Me, constantly gaining weight, never reaching my full potential (and I mean by my standards) Sometimes I want to do crazy shit like snort coke, do drugs in general, run away, go for a walk somewhere really really far away from where I am, disappear and never talk to anyone again. I want to sabotage myself, destroy myself. Do fucked up shit so I can stop feeling everything. But I don’t do anything. I just continue living this horrible meaningless life. I complain about how math is hard for me, how CS is hard for me, but I don’t actually kill myself trying to get better. I want to press quit and leave and do something else but I can’t. I can’t. I’m stuck and lost and maybe I’m being a fucking privileged whiny complaining dumbass. Anyway, I doubt anyone will read this. Sorry for the long post. i just don’t know what to do. I wish I was dead but I know there’s a lot of beautiful things and great things left for me to do. But whatever part of me held back the self-sabotaging, self-destructive me is gone. ",-0.9891,negative,content 590,depressed,some brutal honesty,listener_1,2,I'm with you bro. Here if you need.,0.0,neutral,faithful 590,depressed,some brutal honesty,listener_2,3,person who posted is a girl . . .,0.0,neutral,afraid 591,depressed,Don't know who else to talk to..,speaker,1,I made this account because it seemed like one of the places where I can talk about my new coming of depression and not get weird looks... ,-0.1734,negative,trusting 591,depressed,Don't know who else to talk to..,listener_1,2,Have you tried talking to a professional?,0.0,neutral,questioning 591,depressed,Don't know who else to talk to..,speaker,3,There's no way I could. Fam doesn't know and I don't feel comfortable talking to them about it.,-0.5996,negative,apprehensive 591,depressed,Don't know who else to talk to..,speaker,4,Lots of things. Mostly family drama. But my dads kinda in a no talking to me phase. Hopefully he gets over it. ,0.2836,positive,annoyed 591,depressed,Don't know who else to talk to..,listener_2,5,"Have you tried talking to him about it? There is a good chance that if there is drama in the family he is also going through something, and maybe he's unintentionally taking it out on you. If that is the case then pointing that out to him might change things. Aside from that. More often than not people dont stay angry forever. Worst case scenario you have to wait a bit for things to go back to normal. In the mean time keep your head up, do things you would usually enjoy, focus on your own mental health, and try not to dwell on temporary issues and things you have no control over. And if you find yourself feeling worse there are plenty of people out there, and in this sub that are more than willing to help, although the best route if things get really bad is to seek professional help. I can only tell you what has worked in my experience. But they have trained and studied for years to deal with exactly these situations. Couldnt hurt to try.",0.7804,positive,suggesting 592,depressed,I don't know what to do.,speaker,1,"So, I have these sudden nights where thoughts drown my brain to the point where I absolutely freak out. I'm used to caging my feelings, so that could grandly affect the way I am. Tonight is one of those nights, the main thing that repeats in my head is ""I want to die"". I don't even want to kill myself, but I keep telling myself I want to die and it's honestly the worst shit. I've been writing my thoughts before I sleep which sometimes helps. I want to know what happiness is, I forgot a long time ago. I just want to feel good but I don't know how. Spending time with people makes me more depressed, I feel like my family has the idea I hate them. I don't though, I just get really depressed when not alone which leads to me not liking my friends anymore. They annoy me, and I feel bad because they're great people. I just am lost. Sorry for the rambling. I don't know what to add, just thought I'd try saying something this time.",-0.985,negative,terrified 592,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_1,2,"I don't have the answer but can relate. Was in a similar place a while ago. It sucks. A lot. Get it out. Just find someone who cares and will listen. Saying the thoughts out loud were the first steps to healing that happened with me. May be different with you but give it a shot. Take care of yourself. Contrary to what goes on in brains sometimes, the world really would be a darker place without you",0.7227,positive,caring 592,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_2,3,thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 593,depressed,Need some advice...,speaker,1,"I recently started a new job, but within the last month I've had a set back in regards to my anxiety and depression. My new boss is a hot tempered, very particular, strong personality with which I don't always get along. There have been several instances of his temper getting away from him and taking it out on me. Yesterday I left work early by a couple hours because I could feel myself slipping into my "" impending doom"" feelings. And subsequently I called off this morning. I've had to leave early before due to a physical stomach illness but other than that these are my only times being absent from work. My boss wants me to call and talk to him today about my excessive absenteeism and I want to tell him about what I'm dealing with, without coming off as whiny or ungrateful. How do I tell my employer that I'm truly sick and not faking it to get out of work? I am seeing a counselor and have been for about a year, and I've contacted him in hopes of a written statement that my employer could have as proof but I'm not sure even that will suffice in my boss' eyes. Any advice is helpful.",-0.86,negative,apprehensive 593,depressed,Need some advice...,listener_1,2,"I would search through http://www.askamanager.org to see if they have a similar situation. But even if they don't do your best to keep composed and don't go hugely into detail he's your boss not your friend. Let him know that this is something you're working on to improve. As a boss he just wants to know that this won't affect your overall ability to work. It's a good idea to offer solutions as well. He might want to know what you'll do in a certain situation and you have to keep in mind his first goal is keeping the company running as it should be. Definitely offer to bring a note from your counselor if he'd like, even if you don't have it available at the time. If you feel up to it you might discuss how his behavior makes it harder to concentrate and do your work. Once again offer solutions not just the problems.",0.9647,positive,suggesting 593,depressed,Need some advice...,speaker,3,Thank you! I appreciate the suggestions. Sincerely. ,0.8221,positive,sympathizing 594,depressed,Rough few weeks,speaker,1,Bad break up in January Big change Moved back in with family Dad drinks alot We butt heads not too bad though Good Friends Good family Living largely rent free Grandmas sick Truck broke down Had to withdraw from my class this semester Dads health isnt so good Credit Card debt Student loan debt Works rough Teachers asst Get paid very modestly Very tough work with lower functioning autistic folks Trying to move on but I miss her I miss her soooo much Shes moved on easily or at least is projecting an image of that Weve been friends for 20+ years so lots of mutual friends We live in an area where everyone know everyone and I feel so suffocated by thoughts of her I don't want to have anymore I feel trapped within myself and look forward to sleep sooo much every day I can't wait for sleep I get hungry for it instead of food I know that time has already helped but I have so much more healing to do Fuck I just needed to ramble I miss her ,-0.718,negative,lonely 594,depressed,Rough few weeks,listener_1,2,U forgot to mention Donald Trump lol ,0.4215,positive,ashamed 594,depressed,Rough few weeks,speaker,3,I have no expectations. Im going thru peaks and valleys. Trying to stay goal oriented. Things are Okay. I could be worse things than alone. It's specifically her I have to get out from under my skin. ,-0.6597,negative,trusting 595,depressed,so this happened today,speaker,1,"this might be a stupid reason to get sad over but i thought i would share with you all so yeah. I got out of class and was waiting for the bus with a couple other people/students and well i tripped when i was getting on the bus, i felt so embarrased i didn't even got on the bus, i just walked away and went to other bus stop to wait for another cause i didn't wanted to share the bus with the same people that laughed me.. aaand thats it thanks for taking the time of reading :/",0.8562,positive,ashamed 595,depressed,so this happened today,listener_1,2,"sadness is not the same as depression. And people trip all the time and others laugh, it's no big deal and no one cares beyond that moment. Next time, either make a comment about your legs not working, or bow to everyone, or something like that, or just get on the bus and keep going with your day. Imagine if you were a waiter and dropped some glasses- would you walk right out of the restaurant because people clapped?",-0.7491,negative,questioning 595,depressed,so this happened today,speaker,3,"i understand it's different, what i mean is. For the first time in a while everything was going my way, that happened it just totally killed my mood for the rest of the day, sorry if im not able to express myselr the way i'd like to forgot to mention my first language isnt english",-0.5563,negative,agreeing 595,depressed,so this happened today,listener_1,4,"Whether English is your first language or not, I was trying to show you how to deal with it differently next time as things like this are bound to happen and shouldn't ruin your day. ",0.6779999999999999,positive,neutral 595,depressed,so this happened today,speaker,5,Thanks a lot by the way,0.4404,positive,wishing 596,depressed,So... this is my life right now,speaker,1,"My parents are divorced, I've known this for a while. Last year my father sold our house, but ended up keeping the money. Now he's recovering from a heart attack. To make matters worse, the girl that I admire the most has been diagnosed with a mental illness. See, this is the most depressing part. Every girl that I have a strong bond with, or have a crush on, something always happens to them. They always leave my life. 1. Moved away, couldn't afford to keep their house 2. I can ever see her 3. She moved away for no reason 4. She has a mental illness. Gee world, am I destined to be alone? Am I forced to live with a family that's constantly tearing itself apart? Honestly, why do these things always happen? ",-0.894,negative,devastated 596,depressed,So... this is my life right now,listener_1,2,eyy i got an simple answer for you. because life :),0.4588,positive,neutral 596,depressed,So... this is my life right now,speaker,3,Alright then,0.25,positive,encouraging 596,depressed,So... this is my life right now,speaker,4,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 597,depressed,Don't want to live this life anymore,speaker,1,"I'm 18. I'm supposed to graduate in May. I've never had a real boyfriend. I owe the school a bunch of money for textbooks that were lost and stolen. I have no money because I spent it on a concert for a group I'm not even super interested in, but because it was important to my friend. No. Money. At. All. I can't buy any food. I wish I could just get hit by a car so I could get lawsuit money and I wouldn't have to worry so much anymore. I'm a food leech to others, because there's actually no food other than childrens' cereal, 1 box of spaghetti, tuna, eggs, and frozen strawberries. What kind of a real fucking meal is that. We only go grocery shopping once a month. I usually have to buy my own. I'm only a real person after a few drinks or some weed. I have bulimia. I'm still a fatass. I can't get over things that happen hears ago, and sometimes I still cry thinking about freshman, sophmore and junior year. My grades are shit, therefore I deserve to die and am nothing. There is nothing for bad kids who get bad grades. The way I am treated by the teachers and good kids at school is proof of this. Nobody actually cares about me. When I say things., nobody cares. Because nobody cares about me, I don't care about myself, and I am done trying to live in it. It deserves to die because not enough people like it. When I make reddit posts, nobody fucking reads them. When they do, they pick them apart for the occasional *bad word*(omg shes going to hell for swearing!!!!) Just like when I open my mouth in school and everybody picks me apart for the trivialities, but not the meaning of what I say. I'm sorry I couldn't have meant anything more to you guys. That all I was to you was an ugly, fat waste of space who talked too much and was entertaining to be mean to. I can't take being me either. I want to kill it. It doesn't deserve a life on this planet. The day I was born, my entire family was burdened. When I die, give all my possessions to my sister, as she was inconvenienced the most from my existence. ",-0.9933,negative,ashamed 597,depressed,Don't want to live this life anymore,listener_1,2,"Life is hard but you are worth something to somebody. You mentioned a friend. They would probably be very hurt if you died. Trust me. I know how you feel. I've been suicidal before and have had chronic depression for the last 8 years. Hell, today all I thought about was how I am a horrible person and a failure. That's what I thought about all day as I wrote my screenplay and ate a sandwich. Even though I was being productive, my mind kept telling me how much of a piece of shit I am. You just have to keep going. None of us were asked to be born. We just were. Your life doesn't have to be meaningless. You can create your own purpose. You're a beautiful person whether you feel that way or not. I can tell. So just keep living because death will not bring peace, it only brings more suffering. And the people who you don't think care about you, will weep and be brokenhearted about your absence. ",-0.9953,negative,ashamed 597,depressed,Don't want to live this life anymore,listener_2,3,"Well said. The only help I can offer, as a fairly inexperienced 19 years-old, is that reading r/wholesomememes helped me gain a more positive outlook on the world. It's not a solution and it may seem pretty dumb at first, but little things add up. It makes me a little less pissed off at the end of each day. You're awesome and you will pull through",0.737,positive,impressed 597,depressed,Don't want to live this life anymore,listener_3,4,u know more worthy subs to read as well? ,0.6478,positive,questioning 597,depressed,Don't want to live this life anymore,listener_4,5,"I really needed to read that. Thanks. As for OP- keep your head up. Even if you may not notice it, or see it, I can guarantee that there is someone, somewhere who cares. You just might not see it. Stay strong, one day things will be better. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or even a year- but someday you'll look back and be glad that you didn't cut your life short. A serious recommendation I give to people with depression, is try exercising more. I personally love hiking and bike rides, seeing all of that nature out there makes life worth living for me. Just something about it brings my mood up instantaneously, though that may just be me. Gyms are great as well, or even just daily walks- not to mention it's good for you :) I truly hope your situation gets better, I apologize if I wasn't any help.",0.9919,positive,faithful 598,depressed,Fuck it,speaker,1," I don't know what goes through their minds when they say those kinds of things and I wonder if they know what they do to the people at which the insults are aimed. Today it was Marcel who sparked the whole thing. I'm guessing that must have been what he was talking about yesterday. I hate caring about stuff, especially about what they say to me, about how I look, the way I am. I can't change. This is me. Marcel seems to be hell bent on making me feel as bad as he possibly can. I wonder why. Maybe because I slapped him back in 6. Grade. Although I doubt anyone would be pathetic enough to hold a grudge that long. Right now I'm sitting in the bathroom, looking at my arm. There are three fresh cuts there now. My old habit, that I thought that I would never have to cope with anymore is back. The scars from just a couple weeks ago are almost gone, you can only see the faint outline. Still, I feel like they'll always be there to remind of when one boy decided that he was going to try and ruin me and my life. I regret to say that it's working. I can't be around the boys anymore, they'll start whispering and look at me. I feel so pathetic, sitting here, listening to music that I'm not really hearing, tears running down my face. I can't help it. On the outside, I seem hard as stone, my friends don't know. For now I'll rest like this, think about my low cut shirt that was today's aim. Maybe play with ideas on how to end this. But in the end, I wouldn't do it. It's the easy way out, and I guess I can't take that. It's never easy. I don't know why I'm still writing, nobody's ever going to see this anyway. It feels good to pour out all the emotions. I'm gonna have to get my shit together before I go outside to face reality. Tonight is the one thing I have to look forward to, so I'm going to hang on to that like a lifeline. What I find hard to believe is that my two best guy friends where going along with Mika and Marcel. And there were three girls sitting at the table; Anne, Izzy and I. None of us said ANYTHING to them as they continued the relentless assault and criticism. My bestie called and i answered in tears. She joined me and helped me get it together. I decided that I'm gonna go out there with my low cut shirt displaying my assets and not give a fuck. Or pretend not to. ",-0.8846,negative,annoyed 598,depressed,Fuck it,listener_1,2,"I see this. I am sorry these people are hurting you, if I could take a little piece of your pain, I would. Don't let them disparage who you are, you are worth just as much as any of them. Who are they to say what is good and what is bad? Who are they to judge you? Stay strong, stay alive. Much love from an internet stranger",0.787,positive,caring 598,depressed,Fuck it,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for this amazing reply! I wasn't expecting anybody to read the post, since it's quite long and morbid but the fact that you took time to comment makes me feel like there are still people who care! After posting I felt so devastated because this has happened before and because the flaws that they addressed were real. Thank you for making me feel instantly better about myself, it means so much to me! My best friend picked me back up from the floor as soon as she found me and helped me through. When the depression left I hit Mika in the face, screamed at Basti and Carlo and I'm plotting my revenge against Marcel. Revenge plots like this help me a lot. Thank youuuu❤️❤️❤️",0.9376,positive,grateful 598,depressed,Fuck it,listener_1,4,"I am so glad you are doing better, I'm glad I could help you, even if just a little bit.",0.9094,positive,grateful 599,depressed,Nothing is enjoyable,speaker,1,"I let my other down. I was trying to clean the house by getting rid of stuff. Our home is cluttered at best and it's all her. All I own is a plastic Tupperware with some stuff in it, the rest of it is my kiddo and her's. Before I went to bed and saw the stacks of books were gone. Sitting there for at least 6 months, untouched. That's when she lost it. I told her she wasn't reading them not would she have time. She tells you don't know that, stop getting rid of my shit. We haven't talked for 5 days. I've slept on the couch. Then there is going to school. Takes me hours to learn any subject, which eats up all of my time. I have to study for promotion to be a supervisor. I have to study for certifications. I HATE how long everything takes me to comprehend. It isn't overwhelmed, just disappointed, and it's eating me. I have no down time to do what I want and when I have 1 hr to do what I want, it's not enjoyable ",-0.4845,negative,disappointed 599,depressed,Nothing is enjoyable,listener_1,2,"Sometimes you have to make the first move toward reconnecting with your partner. A lot in a relationship boils down to communication. I won't begin to tell you what you should or should not do in your relationship as I don't know the first thing about you two beyond 1 paragraph. I do know that your studies and schooling taking up all your time is temporary, it will be tough, never having time to just relax and enjoy yourself. But eventually the studying will be over and your time will be yours again, so just fight through for now, keep your eyes on the prize to stay focused. Good things will come in time. And don't forget about your partner, she may feel somewhat neglected during the time that all your time is taken up, try to help her understand that it is temporary and that you will make it up to her in the future. Additionally you may try writing out a daily schedule and adhering to it, you may be able to squeeze just a little extra time if you aren't already doing that.",0.9016,positive,trusting 599,depressed,Nothing is enjoyable,speaker,3,I guess I need someone to talk to. Talking to anyone in person usually gives me negative feedback. I wish I had friend like you. Thank you for spending time to reply to my thread. I know all about communication and I just came up short here. It's hard to keep a schedule when I work 12+ hrs a day and try to squeeze in the others. I end up spending my days off doing homework. I am barely studying for the other topics I listed.,0.7003,positive,disappointed 600,depressed,Recovering,speaker,1,"Anyone else have these moments when they feel like they couldn't care less if everything is over? A long time ago those moments were my life. My parents divorced, school was crap and I had no social life. People mobbed me badly. Then I switched schools. For that I am forever thankful, because I found the most amazing, supportive friends, who did everything to help me and it worked. A couple of weeks ago I was under a lot of stress because of a big test that would determine if my dream to become a heart surgeon would be realized. I fell back into old habits in the last few weeks before. It was my friends who pulled me off the edge that I was balancing so dangerously on. For everybody who's ever had depression, or who's still battling it. Actually, scrap that. Everybody: get a badass couple of friends who'll support you and have your back whatever happens. To Izzy, Nara and Yara.",0.9237,positive,grateful 600,depressed,Recovering,listener_1,2,"It's hard when you feel inadequate and feel like everybody hates you, so then you only talk to people who talk to you. It's also hard when you don't trust anybody because you don't want to have more to regret... Self loathing is the best...",-0.8556,negative,lonely 600,depressed,Recovering,speaker,3,I know right.../:,0.0,neutral,agreeing 601,depressed,"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm",speaker,1,"I was never anything near serious about all these ""romance,"" dating, and ""falling in love."" I used to assume that when I'd be ready, I'd find someone amazing and we'd spend our times together. But, since birth, I've never felt ready yet. Sure, I had a number of some small and some huge crushes - but never anything serious. &nbsp; This term, I've met the most amazing woman. On the first time I saw her, I simply had a crush on her. She was beautiful so it was only natural. But, I have this one class with her and so I got to know her a little. I said she was 'the most amazing woman' because she was simply everything I like. She was absolutely the sweetest, she was smart, and she had a good sense of humour and a fondness for outdoor adventures. Her smile was also special. When people usually smile (more like grin), you see how happy they are. When she smiles, you see how warm her personality is. She was so damn special to me that she made me do something I wasn't planning to do yet - I broke my rule of not falling in love until I was ready. &nbsp; I'm very shy and introverted. I never had any experience talking to girls I liked. But, for her, I was very much willing to try and go for it. But, here's another catch - she's my professor and is some five years older than me. I really really think she could be the one (-I've already told you how much she's a game-changer). I've never found age (small age gaps) an issue in relationships. You might say 'the right girl for you is still out there' or 'just wait and if it's meant to be, it'll happen' or things like those. How could we be certain? 'The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition' afterall. &nbsp; I'm usually very happy. I've had friends comment on how light and funny I am (not to brag) and how I easily laugh at their jokes. But, now, I feel depressed - so much more than I ever was. It makes me sad knowing I might not even get a chance to spend some simple happy and fun times with her when this term ends. It's just that she makes me so happy when I'm with her that I simply want to reciprocate and make her happy and maybe even try to return the happiness tenfold. &nbsp; Now I'm too depressed to even do the things that used to make me happy. I used to appreciate movies and TV and anime. Now, I can only relate to those sad and heartbroken characters. I used to have a good time listening to music. Now, I keep finding myself almost inadvertently drawn to songs for the broken hearted. I used to enjoy physics. Now, I just can't get a kick out of it as I used to. &nbsp; Just from meeting and knowing her, I feel so damn empty inside. (sorry for the long post and sorry to bring you down I just needed someone to listen :'( )",0.999,positive,faithful 601,depressed,"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm",listener_1,2,"Hey there! I'm not sure what happened with your professor as it wasn't clear to me in your story whether you were rejected by her or something else happened. I know this will sound dumb and probably something you have heard a thousand times, but I promise you can feel these same feelings with another woman. Just keep your head up and keep focusing on being the best you you can be, love others and spread kindness, the love of your life who will also reciprocate that love will come along. Stay strong! ",0.988,positive,faithful 601,depressed,"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm",speaker,3,"She's currently my professor for the term for a class that meets twice a week. I keep a rule to myself of trying not to mind what others think of me. But with her, it's different. I really do mind what she thinks of me. So I get overly conscious and nervous around her and can't really get a conversation to run smoothly. She must've noticed that by now. I really am trying to be the best I can be. It's just that it's been so hard these past few weeks when I abruptly enter into some sort of depressive state. Anyway, thank you! I really needed to hear some kindness. (-even if it's from a kindly stranger. But hey maybe we're not that much of strangers being in a common subreddit community) Stay strong as well!",0.9598,positive,anxious 601,depressed,"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm",listener_1,4,"Thank you as well. Perhaps we are not indeed, entire lives can turn on a single phrase. Good luck with the professor, but don't sweat it if it doesn't work out.",0.6428,positive,wishing 601,depressed,Alone,listener_2,1,"I often feel really upset over small things. Everyday i think about everything wrong I've done and how i could be better or look better, but i always feel like its unfixable. I feel so alone because i don't even talk to my family anymore. I left my dads house to live with my boyfriend and his family almost a year ago because i was sick of feeling like a burden and sick of my dad and stepmom controlling me completely. But now i feel worse off. I found out my bf cheated on me a lot and we aren't dating anymore, but we still act like we are and i feel so stupid for letting all of this happen. I don't want to be alone though. I tried getting my ex back and he's all for it, but its too much right now. I know i need to take time to fix myself, but i just feel like shit most of the time. I feel unattractive and useless. I feel like no one is really there for me unless i have something to give them. I've always felt so alone and distant from others, but its time that i get a job and learn to drive and start college, but I'm do far behind. Im 18 and i see no hope for my future...",-0.9915,negative,lonely 601,depressed,Alone,listener_3,2,"I know exactly how you feel. 24 year old female. Often feel likes burden and alone. Started going to therapy and I have to say that does help. Those negative thoughts and worries are anxiety and not true. Feel free to PM whenever you'd like someone to talk or even just vent/listen ☺ Hang in there, you're young and have a beautiful future ahead of you. And don't worry about 'being behind', I've come to find everyone moves at their own pace and it's honestly for best. ",0.8112,positive,agreeing 601,depressed,Alone,listener_2,3,"I'm glad you are doing well, thank you🌸",0.765,positive,grateful 601,depressed,Alone,listener_2,4,Thanks😅 I won't go back. ,0.6597,positive,wishing 601,depressed,Alone,listener_2,5,Thank you☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 601,depressed,Alone,listener_4,6,"No issue, If you ever feel bad just come here and message me or anyone else who has offered because no one ever deserves to feel like this. My names Jim and I hope you feel better ",0.1027,positive,sympathizing 601,depressed,Alone,listener_2,7,Thank you. I appreciate it☺️ I'm Ashley. ,0.802,positive,sympathizing 602,depressed,Suspended from work on medical grounds,speaker,1,Hi all. I have today been suspended from my place of work on medical grounds. I am seriously depressed and unable to cope on a day to day basis. I was due to return back to work today after a sketchy period of being off with epilepsy and other mental health issues. I have been on a phased return to work for some weeks but this is where the issue really starts to rear its ugly head. I decided in my unending wisdom that I would send a set of emails out to everyone within my work place. These emails had in recollection particularly miserable and depressing tones. Ramblings of how I loved or still love a woman who does not love me and I cannot have. Things along the same lines of this bringing in quotations from Dante's divine comedy. I am not as clever as I thought and have ultimately now been found out that it is me. They are sending me to a mental health clinic to be assessed and I fear that I am going to be sectioned. I have no one who I know that I can talk to about this so I'm hoping that someone may take pity on me within the community and offer me some help and guidance. I'll happily answer any questions. ,0.644,positive,ashamed 602,depressed,Suspended from work on medical grounds,listener_1,2,"Been there with a girl. It never really stops hurting, I learned to live with it. I would find refuge with someone on the internet, although they won't get you, but it really removes the feeling that you are actually talking to a human with actual feelings and beliefs different to you. Edit: I sound harsh for some reason reading this back but it's what I feel.",-0.1635,negative,trusting 602,depressed,Suspended from work on medical grounds,speaker,3,Thank you for getting back to me on this matter and the advice you have given. You don't sound harsh at all and I really do appreciate it. ,0.7911,positive,grateful 602,depressed,Suspended from work on medical grounds,speaker,4,"Hi Toodog. I know exactly what you're going through and it's incredibly scary but don't be ashamed. We are ill, we're not crazy nor are we weird WE ARE ILL. I'm sorry I've only just got round to replying to you it's been a horrible few days for myself. If you get this message please talk to me and tell me what's going on. I've never really found anyone who understands me so I think it would be good for us both to talk to each other and I'll try and support you on here as much as I can. I have an appointment on the 11th with a psychiatrist who is based at the local mental rehab centre. Recently I've been told I might by a schizophrenic as I am showing signs of it in my behaviour. My real name is Simon I'm a 31 year old father of 2 girls and I feel the same way that you do. Lost afraid and scared but please don't feel ashamed. I know how irritating it is to have someone tell you how to feel or how you should feel but from one sufferer to another you have nothing to be ashamed of. Please reply when you can. Simon",-0.4891,negative,sympathizing 603,depressed,Am I good?,speaker,1,"I messed up again today at college and under pressure cracked and told someone to ""f*** off"" and this is only small in some minds but to me it's massive. Last year I was depressed and suicidal and this was due to me being so alone and feeling like no one cares. Every day I question my looks and have tried everything to change them but I always feel silly in doing so and nothing changes anyways and I feel I am invisible to all. I am 18 about to go to university and I havnt really had social interaction since last summer with my girlfriend and some old school friends. Since then I have become isolated living in a small town I have done all and seen all here and can't wait to leave but until this September I am going to be driven mad just by being sat alone in my room and knowing if I go out I could upset someone and I can't help myself. Any advice and thanks for reading X",-0.9769,negative,ashamed 603,depressed,Am I good?,listener_1,2,"Everyone has good in them, and everyone has bad days and bad times and sometimes says the wrong thing or snaps at someone. Try to remember that all things are small things in the grand scheme of things, perhaps it will help you to not get upset when some thing doesn't go quite right. A lot of times we don't notice the people that care about us, because they too are caught up in the grind of life dealing with all their own problems, but they do care. Hang in there.",0.6588,positive,sad 603,depressed,Am I good?,speaker,3,"Thanks , this helps a lot :) ",0.8176,positive,acknowledging 604,depressed,Lost hope,speaker,1,"I've been thinking a lot lately. Well, more than usual I guess. Every time I meet someone I can't let them in because I'm so scared for them to learn how fucked up I really am. If this keeps going I'm gonna die alone. And the worst thing is, I feel like if I was gone nobody would notice. Help",-0.916,negative,terrified 604,depressed,Lost hope,listener_1,2,"I am exactly the same , I have messed up relationships with girlfriends, old friends , new friends I tried to make I broke any chance of a friendship i am the same as what you feel. But one thing is for certain is that you can expect company at the lowest points in your life. You could join a club of something if you wanna force it but eventually somebody will come. You will NOT die alone and people will miss you but that my buddy is a LONG WAY OFF. You got your entire life and just because you feel this way now doesn't mean it will be the same tens of years down the line. Just keep the spirit and don't be afraid to try new things. I got depression, anxiety and ADHD so I'm a little messed up ya know but I play guitar and I am okay at programming so when I go to uni hopefully things will pick up. You just gotta keep putting your middle finger to life and keep going and people will come don't you worry. X hope this helps ",0.9697,positive,agreeing 604,depressed,Lost hope,speaker,3,More than you know. Thank you,0.3612,positive,grateful 604,depressed,Lost hope,listener_1,4,"No problem, keep your head up ! ",0.3716,positive,acknowledging 605,depressed,Plans failed again,speaker,1,"To keep myself from going crazy and to have at least some hope for a better future, I try to do stuff to better my current, very miserable and very lonely life. At work I tried to become friends with a couple of people, but last friday they told me pretty much that I was foolish because of my young age and talked down on me, after directly sabotaging me and then being hypocrites about it. It was then when I realized that I would never be able to become friends with them, because apparently being 5% younger than one person and 15% younger than the other person makes me stupid and fair game to be the butt of jokes. They probably don't know my real age, but it still hurts. The other project was to try to maybe some day find a girlfriend online. But, as it turns out, being 27 years old and having zero dating experience whatsoever and no confidence either seems to be just as much of a hurdle online as in real life. For 6 days I've been checking my inbox a dozend times per day, looks like I'm being ghosted once again. And worst of all, I'm eating so much chocolate these days to stay afloat to be able to work at all, it's starting to lose its effect of keeping me sane and happy. No idea how I'll manage without it though (no, I'm not fat). Ah, life. Why does it have to be so difficult and full of suffering? And why is death both alluring yet daunting? Bittersweet misery.",-0.9786,negative,devastated 605,depressed,Plans failed again,listener_1,2,"keep the faith, my man. put these sham friends who are giving you real pain out of your mind. get out there and meet some new people. have you tried meetup?",0.6124,positive,trusting 605,depressed,Plans failed again,speaker,3,"I live in europe, in a place where 3 different countries meet. Most social things/apps/platforms aren't popular enough here. Those that could be popular enough to get even the bare minimum of people to make such a social platform work fail miserably because they split their user base into different countries, and make it extremely tough if not impossible to group up with people from other countries. That being said, I do appreciate the hint. Just checked it out, in my country there is nothing going on within a radius of 3 hours by car (which I would have to borrow), but for one of the neighbouring countries there are a few groups nearby-ish. Mostly people meeting up to learn the local language, because meetup is just not that popular with local people. And people/businesses advertising.",-0.6819,negative,grateful 605,depressed,Plans failed again,listener_1,4,"oh man, you live in a sweet spot. so much culture to explore.",0.4588,positive,agreeing 605,depressed,Plans failed again,speaker,5,"See, I'm the same way. Never had a girlfriend, no kissing, no holding hands, nothing. I feel damaged, yet at the same time not having any hope is crushing me. And then there is this pathetic voice telling me that I shouldn't be this screwed up and hopeless. But somehow I am. It never got better.",-0.8879,negative,lonely 606,depressed,Feel guilty for not working,speaker,1," Im a young man well 27. I been working since 14 and well basically for the last few years i been having mental problems and seeing a doctor to get on meds. I quit my last job after having a breakdown. The entire time I was there my depression got worse and worse. Still I feel guilty when I see other men working hard and stuff. But then in my head I say its okay bc you're not stable at the moment. If i think about myself too much i start feeling bad. Like the fact I cant get a girl even after 27 years of life. I cant even get one date with a girl. Ive only ever worked menial jobs and most of them minimum wage bc i never went to college. I've had close to 10 different jobs. I feel like a disappointment to my parents since they came to Canada with no money and started a new life for us. But i feel like from the very start I just sucked at life. Like i couldn't even crawl properly when I was a baby. I'm not intelligent, i dont have social skills, im not a friendly person my world is just cold. All i really have is my music which I've actually stayed consistent on unlike anything else. Almost 10 years ive been doing music but even still Im nnot at a professional level. Anyways im not looking for your pity just wanted to share bc i know many people arent happy with their life and maybe theyll feel better about it after reading about mine. I'll just keep walking around aimlessly until I die. Good luck.",-0.9305,negative,guilty 606,depressed,Feel guilty for not working,listener_1,2,You aren't alone. I feel the same way and many others I'm sure. ,0.466,positive,agreeing 606,depressed,Feel guilty for not working,speaker,3,Thank you ¤,0.3612,positive,wishing 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,1,I can't seem to find a new hobby everything makes me wanna bash my head in after about 10 minutes. I need to find something I can be passionate about and am looking for some inspiration. ,0.7783,positive,disappointed 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_1,2,"Regardless of gender, try knitting or crochet. It's been studied that the repetitive motions are cathartic and beneficial to depressed people. Bonus, you get stuff at the end of a project :)",0.6249,positive,caring 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,3,"I already tried knitting... Imagine a 14 year old with a beer, just knitting. And crochet, idk not feeling it. Thanks anyway. ",-0.4898,negative,neutral 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,4,"I have been gaming my whole life so that's why that is not really a option, and I've never been a fan of lifting. ",-0.2411,negative,neutral 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_2,5,"I see, understandable. I recommend listening to music, it really helps me cope with my anxiety and makes me be able to escape reality. ",0.659,positive,acknowledging 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,6,"Just got Spotify premium, I'm laying on my side looking at the wall crying about my ex like a little bitch while listening to music. I feel like this isn't helping either :$",-0.5183,negative,sad 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_2,7,"Im not one to say this but dont stress about the breakup. Remember, your ex is in your past, he/shes only a small influence in your life. Learn from you mistakes and next time you want a new relationship, really invest in it. Make sure you both know and love each other without doubt, before dating/etc",0.912,positive,agreeing 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_2,8,"Hmm, that sucks I recommend browsing some more light subreddits thatll help you distract from your ex. Also try going outside and enjoy nature, if it isnt raining like a bitch in my area",-0.2982,negative,acknowledging 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,9,"Glad that you have finally found your interest. I wish my dad wouldn't have thought me the things he did, I kinda wish I wasn't so negative and judgemental. It definitely shortens the list of possible hobbies. ",0.9483,positive,grateful 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_3,10,"I'm a girl so I was never taught those stereotypes, but TBH chicks love guys who dance. Just a thought.",0.7783,positive,surprised 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,11,My dad thinks I'm gay because I broke up with my old gf since I didn't want to bother her and/or ruin her days because I'm depressed and suicidal. So yea dancing isn't really a option for me. (I'm 16M),-0.9272,negative,ashamed 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,12,I have 1710 cash. (I was electricien),0.0,neutral,joyful 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,13,"I live in the Netherlands, there's a small park close to my house but even if I'm able to go there when it's not raining I still don't enjoy it since I have been there so many times. But thanks anyway. ",0.1048,positive,neutral 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,14,"I thought she loved me but apparently she couldn't care less. And it's not that I wanna think about her etc. it's just some relationship who cares I know chances are small that I'll find a serious relationship anytime soon. It's just that I'm quite insecure so to see a girl say I'm hot... Even when she's far out of my league, well that and other things made me like.. ""happy"" and because of my depression that's not very common so idk I'm sorry for waisting your time haha. ",0.7077,positive,surprised 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_2,15,"Yeah sorry man idk how to really help Im struggling with the same thing you are, and im just here trying to help others when i need to help myself more. All i can say is good luck :)",0.9291,positive,sympathizing 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_2,16,Its all good,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,17,Thanks man goodluck to you too. ,0.4404,positive,wishing 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,18,How did you get started? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_4,19,"My mom actually. Totally random since women don't tend to prospect (I'm a woman). I didn't like her going to the desert alone, so I started to go with her. I don't like gold. I can't stand gold jewelry. But there is something different about finding a piece of gold that no one has seen before. Plus I like pkaying in the dirt. You could join a club for prospectors in your area to learn more from the old timers. Or ask me :)",0.2723,positive,apprehensive 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,speaker,20,Thanks that's quite interesting. ,0.7089,positive,acknowledging 607,depressed,What is your hobby?,listener_5,21,"Sounds lovely, especially the cat part",0.5859,positive,acknowledging 608,depressed,Is college a nightmare for anybody else?,speaker,1,"For me it's a nice mix of depression, social anxiety, social awkwardness, and sexual inexperience :) ",-0.0772,negative,neutral 608,depressed,Is college a nightmare for anybody else?,listener_1,2,"I tried once, and it didn't work.. I dropped in the second month",0.0,neutral,disappointed 608,depressed,Is college a nightmare for anybody else?,listener_2,3,Right there with yea,0.0,neutral,agreeing 609,depressed,I Don't Enjoy Life Anymore,speaker,1,"I feel so useless. I look at myself and just want to disappear. Some people i know tell me I'm pretty or cute, but I can't see it at all. I don't want to be me anymore. I wish i could just die already. Im hardly ever happy and i get easily agitated and upset. I don't know what i am going to do with my life. Im 18 and soon i will graduate high school. I plan to go to college, but I don't think i can do it. I feel ugly and crazy and like everyone i love doesn't understand. They think I'm rude and a bitch because I'm too timid to start a conversation. I have like no friends that I actually talk to outside of school besides my boyfriend who is now my ""ex"" We live together and I can't trust him to be faithful to me anymore. I feel like nothing. I just want to feel like i matter. I get paranoid that people are constantly judging what i look like and say and do. I cant take this. Do you guys have any advice? Do you feel like this too? ",-0.326,negative,sad 609,depressed,I Don't Enjoy Life Anymore,listener_1,2,I love you ,0.6369,positive,caring 609,depressed,I Don't Enjoy Life Anymore,speaker,3,Aww😅 thanks. Love you too!,0.8718,positive,acknowledging 609,depressed,I Don't Enjoy Life Anymore,speaker,4,Thank you🌸,0.3612,positive,wishing 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,speaker,1,"So, for the past several years, my social circle has become very small. My 'best friend' truly was the best friend I've ever had. We were friends in our childhood and reconnected in 2008. But in 2014, his job took him out of state. We've talked less and less. Which, has bothered me. I think distance has a lot to do with it. I saw him once in 2015 when he came to visit. But, I want to believe he and I are still friends, at least. We did talk by text for a bit in March. Anyway, without making this super long-- I realized out of anyone, he would remember my birthday. But last month, I decided to hide my birthday from public view on Facebook because 95% of the posts I'd get from that were from people I only heard from, on that day. You know, because Facebook reminds you. So, anyway. It's almost 9pm and my friend didn't call. I guess this means he relayed on Facebook to remind him? I know most guys are not the type to remember dates, but he's different. I really thought he would. I did get one birthday wish on Facebook, from a cousin. And, another cousin texted me and an aunt called me. But, in hiding my birthday on FB, I have discovered that no one actually remembered my birthday or perhaps most people don't make a point to remember? Or, they really just don't care? It's hard to articulate my thoughts. I had hoped there would be a few people that actually knew my birthday and might reach out. You know? That there possibly was a select few of people that while we might not talk much, cared enough to remember the date. I was really hoping to hear from my best friend, but, I am so very sad I didn't. Anyway. I'm just venting. I didn't want all the fake ""HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"" but is there really no one who cares for me enough to remember? (Outside family members?) :(",0.9832,positive,lonely 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,listener_1,2,"Well, I don't think you should get too hung up on birthdays. It's really just another day out of the year, I'm not trying to be mean, but idk, personally, birthdays aren't that big of a deal. He probably just forgot, hell I don't know my parents birthdays. ",-0.8151,negative,surprised 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,speaker,3,"Why you're in the depressed sub, reading a ""my birthday was forgotten"" post, telling a depressed person ""birthdays are no big deal"", I will never understand. You made me feel worse. Thanks.",-0.872,negative,sad 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,speaker,4,I appreciate the thoughtful reply. ,0.6486,positive,grateful 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,listener_1,5,"It's not my job to make you feel better. You need to understand that you're upset over something that really has no importance, if you had a better attitude about the situation you wouldn't need to blame me for making you feel worse. You're responsible for you're own happiness. The point of my comment was out of good intentions, I was trying to making you feel better. Basically saying ""yo man birthdays are kind of dumb anyways don't get so down about it, worry about the important things!"" Obviously that was not perceived on your end but don't blame me for making you feel worse, you're making yourself feel worse. I don't mean any ill intentions but you're rude comment and bad attitude is a call for a reality check. I understand you're upset but in reality there's nothing anyone can do for you, you're happiness is defined by your attitude. Unless you have a actually physiological ailment, but even those people with right attitude are positive. ",-0.5213,negative,ashamed 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,speaker,6,It's people like you that cause suicides.,0.3612,positive,questioning 610,depressed,It was my birthday today. My best friend forgot.,listener_1,7,It's people like you who do nothing with their lives cause they blame everyone else. Cya. ,0.0258,neutral,furious 611,depressed,Im about to kill myself,speaker,1,"I'm so tired of living. I'm in the lowest place in my life, and I'd be better off dead. The guy that I love can't play me like a fool anymore, and my parents can't abuse me again. I don't even know why I'm posting this, but I can't bare to live anymore.",-0.4283,negative,sad 611,depressed,Im about to kill myself,listener_1,2,Talk to someone: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 611,depressed,Im about to kill myself,listener_2,3,"Last time I talked to that, I waited an hour for them to say no operators were online. Then again it was 1 AM",-0.29600000000000004,negative,annoyed 611,depressed,Im about to kill myself,listener_3,4,"rule of depression- don't tell people there is definite hope unless you can guarantee it, which you cannot. It will push a suicidal person over the edge. You clearly have not experienced depression, so don't pretend you can relate. What you said is dangerous. This is your first warning. ",-0.3459,negative,agreeing 611,depressed,Im about to kill myself,speaker,5,The thoughts just won't go away. My only friend just pushed me away tonight so I officially have no one. Im such a failure and too much a pussy to actually kill myself,-0.7906,negative,lonely 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,speaker,1,"I went to a psychiatrist and they diagnosed me with moderate depression with psychosis. They had prescribed me Enlyte, which would seem to consist of folate and related compounds, and told me to take magnesium theronate. They told me to start taking it immediately. They had also ordered a blood test, including of folate levels and MTHFR (an enzyme involved in a pathway involving folate, apparently) mutations, although they did not order a test of magnesium levels, even though there was an option for that on the form. They would seem to be wanting me to be taking the magnesium theronate and Enlyte regardless of the blood test results. I looked it up, and it does seem that magnesium and folate deficiencies can indeed cause depression, but wouldn't it make the most sense to only be taking folate and magnesium if a blood test showed that I am deficient in them. Is my doctor a quack, or does it make sense to take them before/without the blood test results? *Edited for grammer. ",-0.5719,negative,apprehensive 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,listener_1,2,this definitely doesn't sound like first-line treatment for depression to me. i'm pretty confused by this post.,-0.2982,negative,agreeing 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,speaker,3,"Are you confused by my writing, or the actions of my doctor? ",-0.3182,negative,questioning 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,listener_1,4,"your writing is fine. i'm confused by the doctor, i guess. i've been to a bunch of doctors over the years, therapists, support groups. and i sort of work in the field: i'm a neuroscientist who keeps up with developments in psychiatry as part of my job. i've never hear of a psychiatrist saying, as a first step for someone reporting with depression, that he wants to take a blood test and is prescribing ""enlyte."" i'd never even heard of enlyte until i read your post. i definitely think you should see someone closer to the mainstream if you are struggling right now.",-0.3818,negative,neutral 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,speaker,5,"I think I will call them on the phone, to ask for their reasoning to have me be taking the magnesium and folate before we get any blood test results back. ",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 612,depressed,Using magnesium and folate without blood test results?,listener_1,6,"naa, i mean, it's not a risk to take that stuff. they sell magnesium over the counter -- folate, i'd imagine, they do, too. it's just not gonna do much for major depression. my impression wasn't that this was some dangerous method -- it just seems more like something some herbal nutritionist would recommend, not something a doctor who's used to treating serious mental illness would recommend. it seems like snake oil to me. it seems highly irresponsible that your doctor wouldn't prescribe you an antipsychotic or mood stabilizer . . .",-0.2536,negative,neutral 613,depressed,Feeling Unimportant and Alone,speaker,1,I'm an 18 year old girl and live in New Orleans. I live with my ex and it's complicated. I'm trying to distance myself from him more and I can't even stand to be around him sometimes. We've been holding hands and kissing you a huge other and just say we are broken up. It's ridiculous. He just makes me regret everything I did with him. I can't trust him and I don't think I could if I tried. I found some accounts of his on dating websites recently and that's just another addition to what he's hidden. He disgusts me. I didn't bring it up though. I don't even have the motivation to. An hour ago he left and didn't tell me and I feel like crap. Ik what you're thinking but we always go hangout with his friends. It's not that I even want to really go. I just feel like I don't have a place in this house. I'm just watching him and his family everyday and I don't feel wanted here. I just want to cry and yell and hit him and make him feel pain. He's never upset unless I piss him off or something and it just makes me feel worse because I'm the one with all these angry feelings and problems while he's just fine. I'm sick of feeling like I'm not enough. Does anyone understand? I'm thinking of just leaving tonight and hanging out with someone else. I'm done with this.,-0.9471,negative,devastated 613,depressed,Feeling Unimportant and Alone,listener_1,2,"Does he know you feel this way? Depending on the full situation it might be a good idea to tell him how you feel. Also, I know you said it's complicated but do you have family you can go to for help regarding your living situation? If you have friends to talk to, I say talk to them, they are your friends after all and if they really are they should care about you. I myself haven't been through this type of situation, but a friend went through almost these exact same feelings a while back and I definitely understand how you feel. I'm sure theres someone who cares about you enough to help you through these emotions. You really seem like you just need someone to talk to. Anyway, I don't know if I have been much help but i figured I'd comment so you would at least have some (attempted) advice. If you really have nobody to talk to though, I'm right here.",0.9928,positive,questioning 613,depressed,Feeling Unimportant and Alone,speaker,3,"Thank you, I'm feeling better now. I was just in one of my bad moments. I have trouble with trying to stay positive and i get so stressed from overthinking about these things. I appreciate you're attempt😅 ",0.6579,positive,grateful 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,speaker,1,"I now find numbness a whole lot worse than depression. I can't think at all. I try to have a thought process, but nothing is there. I need to do homework, and I just can't complete opinionated questions. ""What emotions did you feel while watching..."" Whelp my honest answer is I don't remember/none. Good thing a bad score is ""lacking thoughtful and insightful discussion"" My life is just declining now... I don't know why I keep trying. There is no happiness. Everything is just numbness or sadness. I don't see how that will ever change without medical help... without courage... without motivation... without a will to live.",-0.9614,negative,sad 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,listener_1,2,i'm confused. why are you not allowed to get medical help?,0.1027,positive,questioning 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,speaker,3,I don't have the courage to tell anybody.,-0.3875,negative,ashamed 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,listener_1,4,"hmm, you must be young. hard to survive very long with that attitude.",-0.1027,negative,acknowledging 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,speaker,5,"Well, I have the courage to tell people, I just really don't trust anybody, specifically my family. I tell people at school whom I trust. I don't know why.",0.6828,positive,trusting 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,listener_1,6,what about telling a doctor or a therapist?,0.0,neutral,questioning 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,speaker,7,"I've been thinking about seeing a therapist, i just don't want my family getting involved",-0.0572,negative,apprehensive 614,depressed,Cant Think Straight,listener_1,8,"if you're old enough, yeah, just do it on your own.",0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 615,depressed,So inexplicable sad.,speaker,1,"So... Not long ago I met this girls, she's funny,we have a lot in common, I was starting to think that maybe something could happen between us, but... turns out, she's into someone else... finding that out has made so damm sad...I'm think that I'm kinda crying... well tears are trying to get out. ",-0.5319,negative,sad 615,depressed,So inexplicable sad.,listener_1,2,"Some one for everyone, plenty of fish, you'll find another. These are things often said but can mean so little. Emotion is what it is. You will feel it and it will influence your life, however its your choice how you let it effect your life. Emotion is a good thing, and you should cherish it. The pain may hurt worse then anything you imagine, but know it can also and will also bring untold joy. Learn to focus on what you can effect and let the rest flow by. The key is to use your emotion to fuel your efforts to happiness. Let go of any ideas you may have about what happiness is and try and focus on what makes you happy now that you can effect and work on that. Positive brings positive, negativity bring the same. People like to be around positive people. If you are working for something positive in your life and are open to new connections you will find responsive people at points in your life. I know it isn't the normal advise, and I don't in anyway mean to say your to blame. This is what I've noticed in life dealing with my depression and how your story relates to mine. That means I could be totally wrong as it relates to you. Please take this as an suggestion on what may be able to help you move forward based on what I wish I knew years ago.",0.9883,positive,sentimental 615,depressed,So inexplicable sad.,speaker,3,thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 616,depressed,"Homeless, broken and at a loss",speaker,1,"I have often struggled with bouts of serious depression. This past summer I was sexually assault after being drugged. I fins myself homeless now and at a loss for what to do. I am currently in Nashville. I am distraught and often thinking horrible thoughts. I do not want to be institutionalized as this was my mother's go to fix for me when I was growing up and have had my fair share of horrible experiences because of it. I feel generally hopeless, worthless, and just DONE. I do not want to fight anymore.. ",-0.9721,negative,devastated 616,depressed,"Homeless, broken and at a loss",listener_1,2,Sending you a hug ,0.4767,positive,wishing 616,depressed,"Homeless, broken and at a loss",speaker,3,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 616,depressed,"Homeless, broken and at a loss",speaker,4,Thank you. Its always darkest before dawn,-0.1779,negative,acknowledging 617,depressed,Some stories don't have a happy ending,speaker,1,"I really want to die. I'm at the stage where I wouldn't look when I cross the street, ya know. Seeing everything you have ever wanted; people as friends, gf, happiness; being ripped from you because of your own inadequacy is really hard. I ***cant*** see how this is going to change. Sometimes I have a small amount of hope, which is ripped from me when I look at myself in the mirror and see who is giving me hope. It's just snowballing now. Not wanting to do schoolwork, getting more and more depressed each episode, losing even more motivation. No matter how hard you try, not all stories have a happy ending. Kill me please. I really want to fucking die. Edit: Cut myself a little. It was really calming and satisfying.",0.5116,positive,sad 617,depressed,Some stories don't have a happy ending,speaker,2,"Do you ever just look at your past and wanna throw up? All the time for me. Along with hating myself, I regret everything I pretty much ever did besides learn. How much I've Learned and progressed is the only things I feel proud if",0.0516,positive,ashamed 617,depressed,Some stories don't have a happy ending,speaker,3,"I found you I have AvPD, which is a really common personality disorder th hat not many people know about",-0.4522,negative,joyful 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,speaker,1,I lost my mother and every single day I feel lost and out of place.I have other family members but I take care of my hearing impaired cousin and be doing so since I was younger but sometimes it gets tiresome and I'm only 25 years old . It seems like none of the rest of our family cares about us. I catch myself in a very dark place that I can not get out of. I have really bad thoughts going through my head. I try to remember that I have to keep my head up. At the same time no one really cares if I'm dead or alive ,0.4854,positive,lonely 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_1,2,"What you are doing is hard and blazing a trail through the pain is what we do best. You cousin has it harder but it would be worse if you just gave up, as is everything. Giving up is easy we are what we are because of our struggle",0.0258,neutral,neutral 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_2,3,this is a horrible comment. Do not tell people that someone else has it harder than them so their own pain is invalid. ,-0.7943,negative,agreeing 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_2,4,You pain is very real. The other person's comment was ignorant to say. So have you actually gone and made an appointment with a therapist? This is something you need to do for yourself because just telling yourself to stay positive is often not enough. ,-0.2023,negative,questioning 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_1,5,I'm not arguing with you here. Just trying to help they can ignore,0.3979,positive,annoyed 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,speaker,6,Yes I have but I seem to get sadder than ever ,-0.5789,negative,sad 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_2,7,you need to keep seeing a therapist. The grieving process is not immediate- it takes time and help. ,-0.1531,negative,agreeing 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_2,8,"but you aren't helping, and what you said can be dangerous when someone is in a fragile state. it's not a matter of whether they can ignore, because you are making the OP feel worse. I'm a mod on here and I don't want to see this kind of response again.",-0.9363,negative,neutral 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_1,9,"Posting on here opens yourself up to everyone and anyone. I personally find that a change in perspective does a lot, instead of chastising me say something to them",-0.4019,negative,embarrassed 618,depressed,I just lost my mother 7 months ago,listener_2,10,"I did say something to them. This conversation is over. I am telling you that you are not to tell anyone on this subreddit that so-and-so has it worse. Also, what you said was insulting to hearing impaired people. The fact that you think not have hearing is worse than losing your parents is insulting to all. What you said is one of the top rules out of the depression play book of what to never say to someone who is hurting. It's is both wrong and dangerous. The conversation is over. If you write something like that again, I will delete your comment. After that, we will debate whether you are more harmful or helpful to those on this subreddit, and if it's the former, we will consider banning. Take what I said to heart because you can really hurt someone with your words, even if not intentional. If I am telling you that is not an appropriate thing to say to someone in the place as the OP, learn from that. ",-0.9554,negative,ashamed 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,1,"I'm starting to cut myself. I don't know why, but it feels nice. Both punishing myself and feeling an emotion. Does anybody have that tingly feeling in their chest when they are depressed? Or that tingly feeling with relief? That feeling is so nice when you are emotionally numb. I don't usually pierce skin to blood. I usually stop by then. I might start going deeper. I need help.",0.6248,positive,guilty 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_1,2,"Yep you are clearly severely depressed, so help isn't really optional anymore- you absolutely need it. Cutting does feel good to depressed people that's why so many do it- you're not alone. I know you think you don't deserve help or are scared of it or whatever other twisted self hatred your broken brain is making you think, but you seriously need to try. ",-0.8017,negative,agreeing 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,3,"Yeah. I don't trust my family, so I'll have to get help alone. That is the greatest problem.",0.4015,positive,trusting 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,4,"I already contacted a local, student, counseling organization",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,5,Whelp yesterday I tried cutting until blood and I almost threw up. Maybe it's a sign.,-0.128,negative,ashamed 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_2,6,"A sign to step the fuck away from self harm. ❤️ I love you too much to see you hurt yourself in any way. I especially don't want to see you turn into the male equivalent of me, that's for sure. ",-0.6598,negative,faithful 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,7,"Music doesn't mean anything to me Motivational music has lost meaning Relatable music is just relatable, it doesn't help Meaningful music is nice, but again, it doesn't help",-0.5785,negative,neutral 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_3,8,"Certainly, we all have our own means of emotional support. Although such may have sufficed for me, music is not an applicable form of therapy to all. What do you like to do during your free time? Art? Sports? Video games? Have you thought about alternative forms of therapy? ",0.9092,positive,questioning 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,9,Activities don't help me. They either don't change me or make me more depressed I always judge myself and then feel like shit or do something wrong and feel like shit,-0.9032,negative,sad 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_3,10,Do you have any hobbies or past times that help you clear your mind? ,0.6486,positive,questioning 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,11,"All of my hobbies either don't help me or stress me out. Programming stresses me out and that is my main ""hobby""",-0.794,negative,anxious 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_3,12,What exactly stresses you out about programming? ,-0.4588,negative,questioning 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,13,Idk It just stresses me. I'm always fucking stressed.,-0.7264,negative,anxious 619,depressed,Cutting,listener_3,14,"Hey, it's alright. Have you considered yoga? Of course, you don't have to do it in a large group or through some program. There are plenty of videos on youtube that you can follow in the privacy of your own room. ",0.25,positive,acknowledging 619,depressed,Cutting,speaker,15,How will yoga help?,0.4019,positive,questioning 620,depressed,I think I may be depressed,speaker,1,"I'm a 20M. I've always struggled with how I look, I have 0 self esteem. I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, everything about me is shitty. I have 0 energies 24/7, I overthink EVERYTHING, the stupidest things ruin my day and feel like everyone is judging me all the time. I have friends and family that love me, and I know I should be happy, but I'm just not. I've always been able to live with it, but lately things have been particulary hard. I really don't know what to do anymore, I'm tired of faking a smile and acting like nothing's wrong; and I can't bring myself to talk or tell anyone about it. ",-0.7351,negative,ashamed 620,depressed,I think I may be depressed,listener_1,2,"20 female here, I'm the exact same way. Been struggling with it for years. I really hope you find a fix",0.101,positive,agreeing 620,depressed,I think I may be depressed,listener_2,3,I agree. I also went to a doctor because I knew something was going on but I didn't have a clue what it was myself. The doctor and specialist were 100% right though and I'm getting help :),0.8519,positive,agreeing 621,depressed,What do you do when something small sets off something big?,speaker,1,"I got banned from a Reddit group last night and the message I got broke my heart because the mods portrayed me to be an absolute lunatic. I guess it tapped into my worst fears of what I am even though factually I believe what was said to be untrue and made my case to deaf ears. I just responded with emotion, without even thinking and today because of that I couldn't get out of bed until the afternoon I was so low. My question to you guys is what do you doing something as trivial as that sends you into a black hole? Because I hate letting things like this get to me. I missed a crucial doctor's appointment over it. Even my meds aren't working or so it feels.",-0.9512,negative,ashamed 621,depressed,What do you do when something small sets off something big?,listener_1,2,"What you are struggling with is having a foundational identity. This stems from what you believe to be true about yourself and the world around you. What do you believe about yourself ? Do others hold power over who you believe you are ? Where do you get a standard to measure who you are ? These things will shape your paradigm and how you choose to tackle adversity. In the end, you can see that you are not defined by your emotions, or who others say you are, and instead realize you are more than your emotions and have intrinsic worth. Where that worth comes from is what everyone is looking for. It is called an absolute or objective standard, or for those cynics or pessimists it is a relativistic view where who they are is dictated by society, their peers, their emotions or whatever the day might bring. I urge you to ponder the thought on how what thoughts you allow to be seen as truth will shape your emotions. If you ""capture every thought"" and discern its truth value unbiasedly(because let's face it, sometimes we do mess up and need to change) and work towards either edifying who you are, or changing your actions and emotions to reflect who you really are, then you will find yourself living free. TL;dr you are valuable and loved, and your past actions or emotions are not who you are. Anything anyone else says is wrong, and a projection of their fears. So step into the belief of who you really are and begin the search for why and who made you that way. ",0.8418,positive,trusting 621,depressed,What do you do when something small sets off something big?,speaker,3,Thank you very much. What you say makes a lot of sense. For years I've had a tendency to believe that whatever people say about me is true (the negative stuff) and therefore debunks whatever I think about myself. There's also the feeling of being shut out and that's something I identify as a trigger for low moods. ,-0.0,neutral,agreeing 622,depressed,Can't push myself to do anything,speaker,1,"For the longest time starting from middle school I got into a habit of just staying in my room and doing absolutely nothing. I would not go out to do any kind of activity or hang out with friends. I would just stay home and play video games or watch youtube or browse reddit. This continued for years until highschool. After highschool I got a job and moved out. I was pretty good with keeping up with work, and I even found a new job all on my own. I don't think I called off once from work, which is the complete opposite of how I was in highschool. I would just not attend school when I knew I didn't have to. By that I mean that most notes were posted online, and I managed to stay in honors even though I missed so many days of school. It go so bad that I don't think I had a single full 5 day week of attending during my senior year of HS. Anyways I think the thought of work being not really something I can skip without consequence kept me in fear of skipping work unlike HS. Regardless of this I still kept to myself and went back to the same routine after work. I would spend my hours between work just playing games and etc. I would sit at work and wish that I was at home playing games and etc. There was and still is nothing I want more in life than to just sit at home and watch youtube videos and netflix and browse reddit. I don't even play video games anymore, I just sit on the couch and consume these media. If I could choose a life where I would just do this and nothing else for the rest of my life, I would be ok with it. Now my current job allows me to put in my own hours and i'm having trouble doing so. Before I had a set schedule and I didn't have a choice. But now that I do, I keep pushing it away and eventually end up not doing it. I also signed up for karate/mma class to help me get into shape, but that too I have trouble attending. I guess it's that if I can push if off, I will. A part of me wants to just do it, but another stronger part of me just says eh, i'll do it tomorrow. Why throw away a perfectly good chance to do what I love the most, sit at home and consume media. It's almost like I have an addiction to doing nothing, gained from years of doing nothing. I think if I had a goal or something to really look forward to maybe that would push me. But as of now I don't feel like i'll ever break out of this mold. Maybe I should see a therapist but I can't push myself to do that either. There's a big part of me saying ""hey these are all the things you should do"" and another stronger part of me that tells myself ""nah you don't have to"". Maybe i'm also bipolar, I don't know. I can put on a face and act ""normal and happy"" when I have to, but it's all fake. I bet most people that knew me wouldn't know that I was the way I am. I don't know if I should call it being depressed, as I don't really feel sad. I don't cry. I just feel lazy and unmotivated. I feel apathetic to everything. There is nothing in life that I want. Everything feels like a chore and a burden. I feel like I'm just waiting for death.",0.9572,positive,lonely 622,depressed,Can't push myself to do anything,listener_1,2,"I am much the same. Probably attending 2-3 out of five days of school. I would definitely call what you have depression. You should see your doctor or a therapist, likely both. Both therapy and medication could help you. You should reach out people are there for you. ",0.2023,positive,agreeing 622,depressed,Can't push myself to do anything,listener_2,3,"I agree. I once got great advice from somebody: ""talking is one of your only coping mechanisms."" For me talking and the medication go hand-in-hand. It doesn't change overnight, but ask yourself if you're willing to try. If you are you might see the difference.",0.5106,positive,agreeing 622,depressed,Can't push myself to do anything,listener_1,4,Yeah. I also do a lot of writing. So that helps me lots. ,0.6222,positive,agreeing 623,depressed,At a crossroads in my life and lacking motivation and courage to take major leap,speaker,1,"Ok this maybe a little long and a little bit out of order but please bear with me, constructive advice/encouragement is welcomed. To begin, I'm a 25 year old female living at home still. I recently graduated from college with a Communications degree/cum laude in December. Since then I've been interning and now that my internship is coming to a close, I have nothing lined up. Now I've been dealing with depression symptoms most of my life and it's hard to cope and have motivation when most days I drag myself out of bed. In high school I was the president of every club you could think of and graduated top of class--what I'm saying is, I was on the pathway to success and people had high expectations for me. Then two years into college I was hit with depression symptoms (causing a two year delay in my education ) so I started taking one or two classes per semester rather than full time and the rest of the time I just distracted myself with trival things and overall avoidance of real life responsibilities. Back to the present, basically I have no job, no friends, and no ties to my current city with the exception being my parents. So I'm starting a new leaf and moving to California and staying with extended family members (plus I'll be surrounded by 50+ family members) while I continue to hunt for that perfect job and force myself out of this funk. Now comes the part that has been wrecking havoc on me emotionally. I'm going out there with little money, no car, little life experience and no job lined up, and an already discouraged sprit. I don't want to go out there to fail but I'm so unmotivated and fear that that will carry over on my move or something amazing will happen and it will be the wake up call I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and put me on a pathway to have goals again. My hope is that the new situation and pressures that come with it will force me to grow and progress rather than staying home in a comfort bubble and continue to be stuck and depressed and the overall feeling of feeling like a loser. Now I understand I put myself in this situation and blame no one but myself. I was wondering if anyone else ever felt like this, or maybe was in a similar situation and could offer any words of wisdom? Or just any advice for someone making a life change at this late in the game? Thank you in advance. One more thing, I've already purchased a one way ticket, so I do plan to follow through with my move, just more seeking advice as I adjust out there",-0.9799,negative,lonely 623,depressed,At a crossroads in my life and lacking motivation and courage to take major leap,listener_1,2,"I can relate quite well to your situation. I did really well in school, had two jobs very early on when I put myself through college and took care of a sick parent and in my late 20s everything started to shut down and I imploded. I have been diagnosed with something else - but right now I have classic signs of clinical depression and I also struggle to get out of bed. Until two years ago I lived at home, and all the friends I had from school or spread across the globe. It is a very lonely place to be, I understand. Then factor in not having a job and a lack of motivation - it makes everything seem like a mammoth task. I can't say with any certainty that moving well change your life in a positive direction yet again, something as drastic as that may help you, as you said, get out of your comfort bubble. Overall I think it's important to consider that your needs and abilities together. Maybe you need to take some baby steps first. If I were you I would talk to someone about your feelings and plans in person, someone who can be objective. Sometimes it helps us gather our thoughts to talk to somebody who isn't affected by our life choices. And it's not late in the game for you. I am almost 32. And if it takes me a few more years to get right I'm going to do it. Also, you should give yourself a pat on the back that you're starting to think about your future and how you can shape it. You are into giving up despite how you feel.",0.9745,positive,lonely 623,depressed,At a crossroads in my life and lacking motivation and courage to take major leap,speaker,3,"Thank you for sharing your experiences and kindness. I do really hope that this move will be positive, and I don't crack under the pressure of starting from scratch essentially, even though I'll have the full support of my parents and extended family. It's just this seed of doubt because I've always had a safety net if things go wrong. I've actually spoken with my supervisor, who is like a mentor to me about it and she shared her experience of moving to another country at my age and she had nothing but positive things to say and how much she appreciated that time because it allowed her to grow. Now I understand we are two very different people but it was nice to hear it from someone who has been there. Once again thank you for your uplifting words! ",0.949,positive,trusting 623,depressed,At a crossroads in my life and lacking motivation and courage to take major leap,listener_1,4,Well it sounds like you are taking careful careful steps towards this move which is great. I hope it's a wonderful new beginning for you :),0.9612,positive,encouraging 624,depressed,Chemicals,speaker,1,"A lot of the time when I am depressed, I get a feeling in my chest. I get a similar feeling when I cut myself, but when I cut myself that is more of a relaxing feeling, versus almost painful. Although it is painful, it almost feels good I know cutting releases endorphins, but what does depression release? I want to know both for curiosity and maybe finding an alternative to that feeling.",-0.7803,negative,apprehensive 624,depressed,Chemicals,listener_1,2,"Depression inhibits the chemicals responsible for happiness, it doesn't actually release anything",0.0772,positive,disappointed 624,depressed,Chemicals,listener_2,3,Does it depend on the medication though?,0.0,neutral,questioning 624,depressed,Chemicals,speaker,4,"Really? That's weird... I actually feel something when I am depressed, versus numb all the time, so I would assume that is a chemical of some sort. ",-0.7703,negative,surprised 624,depressed,Chemicals,listener_1,5,"It's probably a different variety maybe, all I know is ""major depression"" prevents certain chemicals from being produced and absorbed",-0.2619,negative,suggesting 624,depressed,Chemicals,listener_1,6,"Most of the medications for depression aim to kick-start your brains production and absorption, so do other things but I'm not an expert, just a patient",-0.3291,negative,neutral 625,depressed,Drowning,speaker,1,"Feeling of worthlessness consumes you. What do you do about it? Feed it even more. Worst thing ever. Catastrophic. Nobody can make you feel this way unless you yourself believe it too. If you're in control of yourself then nothing and nobody can destroy that. But when you're so freaking damaged in all ways possible that even looking at a glass of water makes you question your life so far, YOU'RE DONE. You have officially crossed the bar of insanity. You are just a speck away from admitting yourself into an asylum of the insane. Nothing catches your attention anymore. Everything seems dense. You feel little. Like you're not even secondary to anyone, let alone primary. People just bare with you because maybe they're scared you'll commit suicide any day and their names might be present on the suicide note. You think you're annoying everybody so you distance yourself and give them so much space that it's enough to build like, another planet. You push them away even when they're willing to break your walls and help you because you don't want to seem like another load in their plethora of problems of life. You wreck even the little of what is left in your life to get you back up. All the desperate attempts to rescue you by your loved ones are futile. You push them to the point of abandoning you because you think that's good for them. Not having you in their lives will bring tranquillity in their life. Seems easier that way. You fail miserably at your naive attempts at life making you sink deeper into the pool of self-pity. You're a walking dead body. People can perform live surgeries on you and you wouldn't feel a thing. You're alive but dead. In a dark place with no doors or windows showing light. You ought to be buried with the deceased since you're just a waste of oxygen on earth. Don't know what to do with your life and too scared to end it. You put even cowards to shame. Nothing can heal you except a good old-fashioned cigarette and drink. Or some ecstasy maybe, if you have any. ",-0.9952,negative,devastated 625,depressed,Drowning,listener_1,2,"Nice narration. That's how I feel for the most part as well. Especially the drinking part at the end xD You really think people are bearing with you because they may be present on a note so paramount? I feel like people we talk to are in it for us, for the most part. But I don't think there's much for me here either... maybe for different reasons.",0.6939,positive,acknowledging 625,depressed,Drowning,speaker,3,Hey hi. Thanks. Umm when I'm at my lowest I have stupid negative thoughts like that thinking people are just bearing with me 😅 but I'm actually blessed with the most amazing set of people. ,0.902,positive,grateful 625,depressed,Drowning,listener_1,4,"Hellz yeah, and those people are the joy of life. Take it easy and try not to think too much ;)",0.8689,positive,agreeing 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,speaker,1,"I feel so incredibly alone. My body is slowly betraying me. I have no diagnosis at the moment and I am playing the waiting game for my next doctor's appointment. I am unemployed and recently lost a job that I thrived, excelled in. I am broke and unemployment isn't enough to survive. I feel like I have no accessible friendships... 4 close-ish friends are older and have children, marriages so socializing with them is rare... 2 friends live over an hour away from me, and the closest friendships I've ever had are no longer in my life because one was toxic and the other one greatly disrespected me and has not reached out since. I don't have anyone to be social with and that's hard. No one to vent to. My family is a freaking mess and I feel like I don't even have parents... it's not like they have been parents to me. I have a boyfriend but we are on completely different levels. I rarely feel happy and when I do it is with him, I know this is unhealthy but I rarely get to see him anyway... My 2 roommates are wonderful but they are dudes and I can't just worry them with all of my issues. I have dealt with depression for several years now but I have never felt this alone, useless, numb... I don't even know what to do with my life these days. I feel like I have no purpose. Nothing makes me feel hope anymore and it doesn't scare me... I know that's not okay. Sorry, I just needed to vent... ",-0.9345,negative,lonely 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,listener_1,2,Don't be sorry the best thing you can do something is express yourself even to people you don't know,0.6621,positive,sympathizing 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,speaker,3,You're not taking my moment. I'd rather have someone else in pain reach out than stay silent,-0.4939,negative,angry 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,speaker,4,Thank you And yeah they definitely know I just don't want to keep dragging them down by always complaining. It's not fair for them to come home everyday to that 😕,0.2769,positive,agreeing 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,listener_2,5,"A simple ""I'm just feeling kinda down"" is all you need to say. You don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to. My boyfriend struggles hardcore with depression, anxiety and probably something else too more than likely. He had to quit his job and drop out of school because of it. It's been an excruciating year for the both of us with all of his appointments and stuff trying to get him figured out. But I ALWAYS appreciate it when he tells me he's down. He is afraid of always bringing me down too, but I care about him, so it doesn't bother me, y'know? I bet it wouldn't bother them either. People care about you. Having problems won't change that. If anything it will make you feel better just knowing that someone knows. ",0.9089,positive,sentimental 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,speaker,6,Idk I feel like everyone knows I am but no one seems willing to actually be there for me. Or actually try to understand my issues... 😕,-0.6369,negative,annoyed 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,listener_2,7,Have you like outright said it or just dropped hints?,0.3612,positive,questioning 626,depressed,Alone & Venting,speaker,8,Yes I've talked about it to someone and bits and pieces to everyone else,0.4019,positive,trusting 627,depressed,First time posting,speaker,1,Hey I don't really post anything I like sneaking through Reddit and seeing I'm not the only one who feels like shit all the time idk how this happened but I just started writing down how I feel and I was wondering if anyone else feels like this? At nightfall I feel like I lose my mind but during the day I'm fine. Confused feeling that makes me want to go ahead and die. But death won't solve anything What I feel is something. Feeling nothing. I try to act normal but everyone knows I'm not fine. But as I look down at the view I somehow feel alive. Feeling nothing. As I feel something.,-0.5962,negative,apprehensive 627,depressed,First time posting,listener_1,2,"Writing down is a really nice way to relieve your suffering,better than cutting yourself",0.624,positive,acknowledging 627,depressed,First time posting,speaker,3,Thank you reading that makes me happy that I'm not alone,0.787,positive,grateful 628,depressed,Done,speaker,1,"In my 18 years of life I've never been genuinely happy. I probably was when i was really young. But almost everything i remember I've always been sad or depressed. Ive become so numb to everything its like I'm a robot. Ive finally hit the point where I've given up. I don't care if i live, or die. I use my phone when I'm driving because i don't care if i hit something and die. I don't look when i cross the street, or when i do anything else thats dangerous. Every day i wonder why someone like me was put on this earth. I don't bring joy to anyones life i just lock myself in my room because i feel like a bother to everyone. I always get yelled at because I'm ""lazy"" but my family doesn't understand that I've thought about killing myself at least once a day since i was 10. I honestly have 0 talents. Im not good at literally anything. I have no purpose or reason to be here. I think everyone would be better off without me in their lives. Id never kill myself because I'm too much of a pussy to do it. I just hope i make a big mistake that takes my life for me. Im always pushing away because i feel like i may actually kill myself one day and i don't want anyone to miss me. Sorry this was all jumbled up and sorry if i bothered anyone. I just needed to get those things off my chest to people who don't know me so i can continue being fake happy around my family and ""friends”.",-0.9918,negative,lonely 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,speaker,1,I can't keep going. I can't keep fighting this darkness that consumes my mind. I'm sure I won't be able to hold on much longer I'm so alone and I hate it. I thought I had friends but I've noticed the distance they're putting between us. I hate myself. I don't think I can force myself to live through this much longer.. but I have a cat. I don't have friends I don't know what to do. I can't just leave him. I'm scared I don't think I can handle putting him in a rescue and saying bye to him. He's the only being I can't say bye to. I can write a letter to my family saying goodbye but there's no way I can bring myself to say bye to my cat and I don't know what to do about this. Even now as I'm crying in bed writing this he's putting cuddled up on my chest,-0.9436,negative,lonely 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,listener_1,2,"Yes you can. I'm not sure what is going on, but there are alot of other road than death. Your cat needs you. Everyone thinks life would be better without them, time heals stuff. It's not true. You are out here for a reason. They reason will come in time and everything will click into place. I really hope you will reconsider death and look into alternatives. Life is rough, but it's worth living and finding out what's in store for you",-0.5913,negative,hopeful 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,speaker,3,"Thank you I feel like I just get worse and worse as time goes on. And I've seen how the people I once bought of close friends, closer than my family, have slowly started to lose contact with me after moving to another city. I've tried making new friends and it isn't easy. I'm a full time uni student with two jobs and my coworkers are nice but none seem to really want to hang out with me outside of work. And even my two only friends >that I LIVE with< in this stupid lonely town came home yesterday looked at each other and left. I didn't find out until today that they went to the movies together. While I was going insane in my mind over the loneliness I've been feeling crying in my bed. We always went together to watch movies or any of our trips. I don't know what it is I'm doing wrong but I can see how easy it is for people to move on with their lives without me ",-0.9302,negative,lonely 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,speaker,4,It's not socializing that's the problem. It's making friends. Socializing is easy. I'm social in my classes and work. ,0.5106,positive,annoyed 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,speaker,5,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 629,depressed,Can't keep doing this,speaker,6,<3 animals are amazing. I wish humans would learn a thing or two about loving like a dog or cat does. ,0.9169,positive,impressed 630,depressed,Can't feel happiness,speaker,1,"I have struggled with major depressive disorder since I was 14. I have had relapses and remissions. I am 22 now and in a horrible relapse. I think the end of my last relationship was a catalyst for this. I was already low when I was with him but losing him has put me over the edge. I have never been so low. It's been 3 months now and I should be moving on, especially because the relationship itself was only 4 months long. I have a deep sadness in my chest again that is making it hard to get through the day. I sleep until noon and have been avoiding school work. I cry myself to sleep every night. My friends notice how flaky I have been. I'm trying to work on these things but it's so hard when my energy is so low. My doctor changed my antidepressant and I have been going to more therapy. I'm trying to be productive during the day and spend lots of time with friends, but I can't shake the deep despair. I am physically unable to feel happiness even when good things happen. It's my last semester of college. I'm graduating nursing school. This is something that I have always dreamed of. I always thought that when this day came, I would be the happiest person in the world. I've worked so hard for this. I just don't feel excited and I can't enjoy this success. nothing feels pleasurable of enjoyable. Being this miserable is exhausting and I can't take it much longer. I hope that things can turn around. I really am trying. ",-0.8384,negative,sad 630,depressed,Can't feel happiness,listener_1,2,What was the relationship like? ,0.3612,positive,questioning 630,depressed,Can't feel happiness,speaker,3,"It was my first relationship. It lasted five months and was fun and exciting. It was a very physically based relationship but I really enjoyed being with this person. I knew he wasn't the type of guy I'd end up with. We didn't have a lot of similar views and he didn't have many goals or ambitions. Regardless, I adored him. He was noncommittal most of the time but around month four, I finally convinced him to let me call him my boyfriend. I'm afraid I did push too hard. The story gets weird because I found a lump in his testicle around the first month we were dating. He stayed that he had had this for a while and that it was painful but he would not seek help. As a nursing student, I knew this wasn't good, so after a few months I couldn't stand his complacency and made a call to my uncle who is a chief oncologist. They set up an emergency appointment for him. It was diagnosed immediately as cancer and his testicle was removed. I was with him the whole time. A month later, a week after he started chemo and I had been taking care of me, he dumped me through a text message. He said we were too different and that he didn't have feelings for me. When i got upset, he told me I was overreacting and that I shouldn't be this sad and that I forced him into the relationship. I was so devastated. I have not spoken to him since. I know he has finished chemo and is doing well. Three months later, I am still beyond crushed by his cold abandonment. I knew he wasn't right so I wish I could just get over it. I am instead spiraling deep into a dark depression. ",-0.9893,negative,trusting 630,depressed,Can't feel happiness,speaker,4,Thank you. This really helped.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,speaker,1,"I am hiding away, eating and crying. I can't find a way out ",-0.6486,negative,lonely 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,listener_1,2,Whats troubling you?,-0.5423,negative,questioning 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,speaker,3,New relationship. Self doubt. Feeling of worthlessness. I'm a fucking hornets nest of mental problems :p I am going to see a psychiatrist next month.,-0.4019,negative,disappointed 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,listener_2,4,It helped me too. Weird how little things can help. ,0.1868,positive,agreeing 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,speaker,5,"Well, I understand that, but being fat isn't the problem. The binge eating is. ",0.5326,positive,neutral 631,depressed,Eating my way into a deeper depression,listener_3,6,at least you have an appetite. i struggle to eat on some days lol,0.128,positive,acknowledging 632,depressed,"Followed my Psychiatrists & Therapists suggestion & now I'm going crazy, & my heart is breaking...",speaker,1,"Almost two months ago I attempted suicide, and was put in a hospital. When I was released my Psychiatrist and therapist suggested that I should look into getting a emotional support dog because I also suffer from PTSD. After some sessions and my own research; I agreed. Four days ago I found the kind of puppy I wanted and initially everything was great. I was so happy; I had not felt that happy in years. I was motivated, I felt safe, I felt great for the times ahead. But now... I'm trying to train him and I can't. I'm hitting my head against a brick wall (not literally), I'm sleep deprived, and my anti-anxiety meds are not working. This puppy deserves better. I can't do this. I feel like I'm doing more damage to my mental health and to possible damage to this puppy then any possible improvement. I feel like a horrible person now. ",0.2575,positive,content 632,depressed,"Followed my Psychiatrists & Therapists suggestion & now I'm going crazy, & my heart is breaking...",listener_1,2,"Puppies are difficult to train, there is no way about it. The more effort that you put into training this puppy, the more you will love him in the future. Bonds are built by adversity. My pup, Bailey, use to be an absolute terror when we first got her. She would chew up anything that she could sink her teeth into. It made you want to tear your hair out. Now, whenever she sees you she will start smiling and keep doing so until it causes her to go into a sneezing fit. One day your puppy will chew up your shoe. The next day you will come home feeling down about something that occurred and your puppy will be right there with its head in your lap to listen to everything and cheer you up. They go from a critter to a companion that fast. If you really find yourself struggling, perhaps try obedience lessons with him. I'm always here to listen too. It's cliche but, anything worth doing isn't going to be easy. Hope this helps a little!",0.9359,positive,joyful 632,depressed,"Followed my Psychiatrists & Therapists suggestion & now I'm going crazy, & my heart is breaking...",speaker,3,"I appreciate you reaching out to me. But I really can't do this. Tonight I've had some intense dark thoughts about wanting to just go to sleep and not waking up again. I wasn't ready for this kind of challenge. This puppy deserves better then me. I can't give it the kind of love, attention, and perseverance it deserves. I don't have it in me yet... and I don't know if I ever will to be honest. It deserves a stronger caregiver. ",0.959,positive,sad 632,depressed,"Followed my Psychiatrists & Therapists suggestion & now I'm going crazy, & my heart is breaking...",listener_2,4,"There are dogs already trained for PTSD. Maybe look into getting a dog that would require little to no training on your part. Dogs can make such a difference in people's lives, though, and can even help give your life meaning and worth knowing your best friend is depending on you. ",0.8773,positive,suggesting 632,depressed,"Followed my Psychiatrists & Therapists suggestion & now I'm going crazy, & my heart is breaking...",listener_1,5,"You know yourself the best. If it's best for you to focus on your wellbeing currently, without the added stress of a dog, take that route. Do what you need to do to help yourself recover. Like I said, I'm here to listen!",0.9453,positive,faithful 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,speaker,1,I'm tired of fighting. My life is a complete delusion.,-0.6597,negative,angry 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,listener_1,2,it will be better just hold on,0.4404,positive,consoling 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,speaker,3,Thanks but i dont think so,0.2382,positive,neutral 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,speaker,4,"I agree, i think i dont kill myself because of my parents",0.7382,positive,agreeing 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,speaker,5,"Thank you, stranger. Really felt good to read your message. Thanks for taking the time.",0.8214,positive,acknowledging 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,listener_2,6,My dad's the only one really keeping me. When he dies I feel my life will be on a very fine line.,0.2716,positive,trusting 633,depressed,Nothing excites me anymore. I find relief when thinking of death.,listener_3,7,"De nada, it's great to hear back from you. I hope things are better.",0.872,positive,consoling 633,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_4,1,"Lately I've just been feeling really low. I have a job and I do like spending time with a handful of colleagues (the rest irritate me). When I'm at home, I spend all my time on my own because my family simply annoy me. There is no real reason why. Whilst they enjoy themselves, I sit alone and I'm angry at them for being happy. When I was in school, I had lots of friends who I socialised with and 'hung around' with every day but I feel like they abandoned me to 'hang around' more interesting people. I also have no love life. There is one girl who I really like and we did get intimate years ago but even though I know I'm wrong, I feel like I'm too good to do anything. I guess it's something to do with my personality. But when I'm around my work colleagues, I'm fun and happy but when I'm not, I'm just angry. Every little thing irritates me to the point of wanting to lash out. Once, on the way to work, there was this old woman who was blocking the path and I couldn't get past. I wanted to scream at her to move and had some dark thoughts. Instead I just waited until there was an opening. A few weeks ago I lashed out at a family member for interrupting me whilst I was doing nothing. That's it. I just wanted to be alone. I know it's not nice but I prefer to just be alone. I work in retail so it's rare that I'm anxious around other people, although that's not always the case. But whilst I'm smiling on the outside, a deep rage burns inside me for no real reason. I just feel alone. I know there are people out there who can help me but my mind is telling me that I'm 'too good' to get help and I can do anything on my own. My mum has told me that she thinks I'm depressed. I denied it but deep down I know she might be right. I just don't feel like the same person I was 5 years ago. A lot of my friends from school have kids, wives/girlfriends and even their own houses to go to while I have achieved nothing since leaving school. The only real things that make me happy are things that distract me from my real life. Things such as Reddit for example, my Xbox games, Netflix and music. Work bores me. I don't like my job. The only reason I do it is to earn money which I just spend on junk. I just feel sometimes like I'm a character in a book or a tv show that is courageous and feared but in reality, I'm neither. I'm just boring old me. I have nothing to live for, no one to please and I'm just fed up right now of everything. I want to live a fun and adventurous life but it just seems like I've hit a dead end. My job is taking me nowhere (but I can't leave because I need the money to pay my mum), I live at home (hence why I pay my mum) and I have no friends outside of work that I really hang with. I see all my old friends on snapchat having fun every day with their 'new friends' (who I dislike very much) whilst I sit alone and feel like I'm missing out. My old friends have asked me to join them before and although I want to, I say no and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I don't like their new company. Anyway, I know this is long and I know many people may not read this but to the people who do, thank you. I just wanted to vent because I'm feeling rather angry right now and I needed to do something to take my mind off being in the 'real world'. Thank you and Peace.",0.9468,positive,lonely 633,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_5,2,"I just want to say I can relate to what you're saying. Lashing out at family for no reason. Being invited by friends to outings and making excuses to decline (even though I want to go). Escaping life with netflix/youtube, games. Worst of all, feeling like I'm not reaching my potential - not even close.",0.0021,neutral,jealous 633,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_5,3,That's interesting you say that... The first thing you think when you see someone smiling is that they're laughing at you. This happens to me too - I think that for me it comes down to being self-conscious and worrying too much about what others think of me. How I'm perceived by others is on my mind more than it should be.,0.7579,positive,ashamed 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,speaker,1,"Im a junior in highschool and this year has been awful. My grades, the death of my grandmother and the lack of friends/family and many other factors caused me to care less about school and even myself. If I don't pull my grades up soon I will end up repeating this year. It's like I know I'm failing but I just don't care anymore to try. I know I sound like I'm a pathetic loser but I'm just tired. I don't know who to talk to about this because every time I try to talk to someone like a counselor or my parents they act like I'm bothering them or something so I just don't say anything at all to them anymore and it's not like I have friends to talk about this. My life hasn't been the best in the past few years and honestly I'm at a point now where I just want to end it all. ",-0.9275,negative,ashamed 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,listener_1,2,"Hey I'm in a similar position, but now I'm repeating the year. It's okay to take time for yourself, depression is such a heavy burden to carry, it's absolutely a legitimate reason for needing more time academically. That doesn't mean you're worse than anyone. I know it's hard to believe, but at least take it from someone who is going through that as well. I don't think you're pathetic at all, it's incredible that you dealt with so many issues in the last year. ",0.2091,positive,impressed 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,speaker,3,My parents don't really know what's going on. When I miss school my mom just assumes I'm lazy and it's not that. I feel like I'm going through this all on my own ,-0.1531,negative,lonely 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,listener_1,4,"Yeah man, that sounds so isolating, I skipped so many school days too, is there any chance of talking to a school counselor? (Just for the chance that the school ""understands"" maybe) My parents didn't take my depression seriously until I failed school. It could be an option to explore ",0.4936,positive,suggesting 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,speaker,5,I mean no one said repeating the grade was an option I just assumed it was. I mean I do have a month left to do things differently. And I'm sorry to hear that :( are you a junior too?,-0.6597,negative,questioning 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,listener_1,6,"I'm in 12th grade right now (or just about to repeat 12th grade actually) :) I know it's tough but you need to give yourself the patience, I'm sorry that the people around you don't understand, but depression is a 100% valid issue that is incredibly difficult to deal with, even with the right support. ",0.6319,positive,sentimental 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,speaker,7,What should I do? Idk anymore ,-0.1027,negative,apprehensive 634,depressed,This has been the worst year of my life.,speaker,8,When I do talk to my parents.. I feel like I burden them,-0.1027,negative,guilty 635,depressed,I have a question,speaker,1,"I take antidepressants, but I slowly again begin to feel unamused with everything. It's a bit emptiness, but not that empty that I get those tears of emptiness. It's like I'm bored, but I'm not bored because that is a kind of feeling. I'm empty, but not really empty. Just nothing I do or try I can enjoy. Walking the dog, laying down, relaxing, sitting on the couch, watching tv, talking to friends/meeting up, anything. It all 'just doesn't feel special'. I don't know what this means though, since I don't know what's normal for a 'normal person'. Is this the depression slowly starting to get worse than the antidepressants again, or just being bored or whatever? If it is the first, I want to be there in time so I won't get really depressed agin before I get an higher dose. Cuz we all know it isn't pleasant to have the very dark moments/attacks.",-0.8854,negative,lonely 635,depressed,I have a question,listener_1,2,I also take anitdepressants and feel the same way. I asked my doctor about it last time i was there and he said it was quite common with all antidepressants. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 635,depressed,I have a question,speaker,3,"Ah okay, thank you!",0.5707,positive,acknowledging 635,depressed,I have a question,speaker,4,"Ah okay, thank you!",0.5707,positive,acknowledging 636,depressed,Does My Life Have a Purpose?,speaker,1,"Hi, my name is Grant and I put a mask on for others everyday. I'm not doing very well. Many things throughout my life have caused me to feel this way. I'm going to tell you how I feel and what I want to do in the future. High school isn't easy for some people, but I have it good (if that's the way to put it). I have many friends, I play sports, and I'm not half bad looking according to some girls. As I write this my age is 17 and I'm a senior. My first issue is about college. I have a twin brother and he is the top of my class. People always ask me ""why is your brother so smart and you are so dumb""? Believe me I wish I was smart and could get in any college I want. I don't know how I'm going to get a job. I feel like what people say is true. I'm scared of what awaits me. Secondly, all of my friends have girlfriends and even pretty ones at that. My friends tell me I'm super funny and sometimes girls laugh at my jokes. Even when I here a certain girl thinks I'm cute nothing happens with it. Am I scary or something? I find myself to be very friendly and not scary at all. I just want a girl who has a good personality and likes me for who I am. Lastly, I fell like I have nothing to live for. People say we all have a reason for being on this planet, but what is mine. I have a bad feeling my future will be awful and I will just want to end it all. Suicide is something a weak minded person would think of. I guess I'm weak minded because I think about it all the time. I need advice, I need anything that could help me. I just don't feel right. Thanks. I get my typing skills are below average and I'm sorry. I just want to see if others have the same issue as me. I also understand that my situation may not be as bad as other, but it's my personal issue and I needed to share it. Have a good day people. ",0.9968,positive,confident 636,depressed,Does My Life Have a Purpose?,listener_1,2,"Well, dude... don't be such a pussy. I mean it, and I'm not being rude, in just trying to be strong with you. Look I'm going to be easy on you, school is not always the choice for everyone, maybe you have other talent for example me... I was not doing so well at school so I started selling... (I have always liked fashion) and I was good at it and also I liked painting so I studied painting and bussiness strategies I have been reading couple books for the past 5 months and it has been the best choice I have ever made, nowadays I desing clothes and have a gallery.. where I sell my stuff. SO GO ON!!! FIND YOUR PASSION AND HUSTLE. Excuse my English, I'm from Mexico btw ",0.986,positive,suggesting 636,depressed,Does My Life Have a Purpose?,listener_2,3,"Find a better way of being supportive than calling someone a pussy. Whether or not you think you can say you didn't mean it to be rude, it is obviously a rude and insulting thing to say and is not helpful. ",-0.753,negative,angry 637,depressed,When does it get better?,speaker,1,"23 y/o woman from a third world country in Africa. Life is hard and it's extremely harder when u're alone with no support, no family although they live under the same roof as u and no friends even though u always there for them to the point u become their doormat. Who lied and said ""when u hit rock bottom, the only way is up"" ? because whenever I'm down life and all the people around me find a way to beat me further down. I spent and still spending my whole life trying to fix myself whether it's my look or my lack of intelligence or my lack of money instead of living and I still didn't accomplish anything. I wish I was born normal in a healthy environment so then I'd have been living for living not fixing. Why am I always there for people who wouldn't bother to look at me twice if I'm the one needing help? Because I know damn well how it feels to be alone and deep down I don't wish that for anyone.I feel as if someone or something ripped my heart from my naked body in public, it is as equally humiliating as it is painful as that. This isn't a cry for attention I've never used Reddit before, I'm not even sure anyone will read this but for anyone who's reading this: when does it get better ??",0.5294,positive,disappointed 637,depressed,When does it get better?,listener_1,2,"Hey I am reading this, and I enjoyed reading it. You have a real gift for writing. I'm sorry I can't answer your question, because only time can tell when it will get better, or if it ever is going to get better. Try every day as hard as you can to work on your future and escape your misareble situation, even if it feels like it is in vain. Maybe, and only maybe it will get better for you. Good luck and much love. P.S. I study in an development oriented environment and I know a lot of NGOs want to help women in your situation. You have acces to internet so maybe writing them about your story will help you. You certaintly have the writing skills to tell them about your situation.",0.9825,positive,hopeful 637,depressed,When does it get better?,speaker,3,@timetofloat Thank u for commenting and I'm glad u thought my writing was good ,0.8126,positive,grateful 638,depressed,That tiny moment you made yourself usefull.. A conversation with my shadow.,speaker,1,"Me (M) talking to my shadow (S): M: ""Check it out! I actually did something today! Washed some dishes, bought groceries, I actually ate something!"" S: ""Is this all you can do?"" M: ""Well.. It's something right?"" S: ""You are actually taking the time to tell me this? What do you want? A fucking medal? You bloody baby. Look at yourself, you disgusting cunt."" M: ""I also took a shower."" S: ""WOW! FUCKING AMAZING! CONGRATULATIONS, YOU FINALLY WASHED YOURSELF after how long? I am sorry, I lost the count of days you were SLACKING IN BED, lazy fuck!"" M: ""..."" S: ""Yeah, better go back behind your computer trying to shut me off. IT WON'T FUCKING WORK ANYWAY."" M: ""Hey man, can you please shut up? You are not being useful right now."" S: ""HAH! JUST LIKE YOU! You would be hilarious if you weren't so bloody pathetic."" M: ""..."" S: ""Oh, and you know that cute girl who wanted to talk with you? She is not interested in you at all. Right now she wondering how to get rid of you. Like bloody everyone. It's a miracle no one has killed you yet. I would if I could. Disgusting, miserable, piece of shit."" ... M: ""Isn't life amazing, isn't it great..?"" S: ""Yes it is. The only thing that would make it better for the rest of us is if you would stop wasting space."" M: ""True.."" ...",-0.878,negative,surprised 638,depressed,That tiny moment you made yourself usefull.. A conversation with my shadow.,listener_1,2,Stop that ! you are a human and you deserve to be on this planet just as much as anyone. What makes them have the right to be happy and live over you ! We are all the same. No one is better than anyone. fuck them and ur negative thoughts and love yourself. ,0.1984,positive,angry 638,depressed,That tiny moment you made yourself usefull.. A conversation with my shadow.,speaker,3,"Hey.. Thanks for the kind words. They are quite nice. And sometimes I even believe them... But you know.. the other guy.... He finds the thought these words apply to me, hilarious. And yeah... Right now, I barely have power to disagree with him.",0.0891,positive,trusting 638,depressed,That tiny moment you made yourself usefull.. A conversation with my shadow.,speaker,4,"Exactly. And with the shadow consuming you, they only grow stronger and find more ways to keep you down.",0.3818,positive,agreeing 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,1,"Sorry in advance for this being long, I don't know what to feel anymore. I tried to format it but I am not good at formatting ------------------- I don't want to keep having to worry and struggle in life, I want to give up and just ... hibernate or escape and travel somewhere far far away from here but I have to keep going because of pressure from family and school and I just... can't do anything else except keep going, no matter how much I want to stop. I am constantly getting angry at myself for being lazy. ----------------- If I don't have something I enjoy doing actively distracting me I feel unmotivated, foggy, and scared because I don't even know what my own emotions are anymore. If I feel shitty I don't want to do anything even if I like it, I feel tired, I don't want to do things I enjoy. I mean, what's the point? I have to go get my phone, or move to my computer, or turn on the TV. And it's too much effort to go out and see friends or rollerblade or something. So instead I sit there getting angry at myself, stewing in this fog and slowly giving up hope. --------------------- But then I have to go to school. I see a friend, she makes me laugh, my mood is a bit better now. I am still tired, still a little hopeless, but less so. There is hope. But then we go to class. I am sitting there, feeling bored, I start to think, then drift back down into that dark hole. Or maybe it's something I'm not good at. I feel like shit, I have my brain yelling at me because ""Everyone else can do it!! Why can't you?!? You are a lazy fucking moron Ari"". I am currently lying in bed with my alarm going off not wanting to move anything but my fingers. I finally got myself to write this, but now it has turned into a big long jumbled mess that no one will read. ---------------------- The thing is though, I almost wish it would get worse, or that I would have a reason to be sad so that I am justified in feeling like shit... I see people who have lost everything and are still positive, or people who have depression so severe they can't get out of bed, then I feel weak and stupid and lazy for not being able to be happy. I try to be happy, it doesn't work, so then I give up. What's the point? I don't know what I am going to do with my life. Why not just wait until I lose all emotion. That way I can sleep without worrying about stuff. It sounds horrible, but something is keeping me from trying. I don't know if it is me being a lazy fuck, or depression, but whatever it is I hate it. I can't even be bothered to open Borderlands. It's only a temporary happiness, then back to shittiness. Why bother says my brain. Why bother with life... In a few hours I will think I was being an overdramatic asshole with this. But then I will sink back down again, and they cycle will continue until I feel so bad I never feel better at all, and then I will just fucking give up and die. -------------------------------------- **please please please help me** --------------------------------------------",-0.9978,negative,sad 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",listener_1,2,"I feel the same way...I try to focus on the things that do make me happy, whatever that may be. If you ever need someone to vent to you can talk to me, and I'm sure everyone in this sub Reddit will be open to listening too",0.7184,positive,joyful 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,3,Tysm <3 ,0.0,neutral,afraid 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,4,"Thanks. you guys have all been really helpful, I am feeling a bit better now that I don't feel so alone.",0.7768,positive,acknowledging 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,5,"I don't think we have a family doctor, or at least not one I can go to without my parents permission, but I can't tell them about this. that's the problem. thank you anyway :/",-0.5267,negative,neutral 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,6,"I can't tell my parents. They are great parents but there is other stuff I don't really want to talk about that means I can't tell them... I may in time, but not now. If I want medical help I just have to wait until I am a legal adult...",0.7678,positive,apprehensive 639,depressed,"I am scared and confused, and just don't know how to live my life. I don't even know if I have depression. Please please please help me.",speaker,7,I have maybe a few friends that could possibly help. But not my parents. It would just cause arguments and make stuff worse,-0.7003,negative,suggesting 640,depressed,i want to fucking kill myself,speaker,1,im gonna do it. ive planned it out. it's gonna happen. ill get the blade. I'll sit in the bathtub. no water. clothes on. ill slit my wrists. ill die. im gonna do it. ,-0.926,negative,confident 640,depressed,i want to fucking kill myself,listener_1,2,"You okay?? Before you do talk to me, vent it out, I'm never too busy to hear anyone talk and I will listen to you. Think about my offer please and message me ",0.5514,positive,questioning 640,depressed,i want to fucking kill myself,listener_2,3,absolutely no preaching of religion on this subreddit,-0.3597,negative,agreeing 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,speaker,1,I don't know if it effects everyone the same but my depression has always manifested as apathy more than anything. I struggle to really feel anything. Tonight my girlfriend broke up with me. Not because of a flaw in the relationship but something neither of us could control. Neither of us wanted to break up but it had to happen. That's not the point of the story though. Tonight I felt real pained sadness. For the first time in years I cried. It's been so long since I felt anything at all that this loss is overwhelming. I forgot what this intense of emotion feels like. I forgot what it feels like to cry so hard you can't breath. I forgot what sadness feels like. Part of me hates it. I miss her so much and I don't want a life with out her. However I don't want to let this go... I actually feel something. Even if it sucks I feel it. This sadness is mine. This sadness is real. ,-0.9938,negative,sad 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,listener_1,2,"Same situation happened to me recently. I've always been so numb to the world and nothing ever mattered or affected me. I fell in love with someone. We loved each other so much. Our lives are so hectic outside of each other and so it caused strain on our relationship. As much as I want it to continue and will fight so hard, I have to let her go. I opened up myself and everything I was because I finally felt something real and now it's gone. But I finally feel something for once. I also cried. Insanity to me because I can't remember the last time. I feel what you feel. I don't know what to do. I hope you can find what you need. ",-0.6397,negative,lonely 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,speaker,3,"I have had time to sleep on it and time to process the feelings I have. I made the choice to keep them. Not forever, I know holding that sadness isn't healthy. But for now Im going to hold onto this sadness and feel it. Im going to learn from it and once I have learned everything I can Im going to let it go and hope that I will know how to feel after this. ",-0.5092,negative,sad 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,listener_1,4,"I hope you find what you're looking for. Good luck, man. ",0.8316,positive,wishing 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,speaker,5,You too. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 641,depressed,Depression makes you forget how much sadness hurts.,speaker,6,I don't have a good answer for you I am afraid. Just keep on moving. Try to hold onto what you can and learn from it. That's what I am trying to do. ,-0.3412,negative,afraid 642,depressed,I feel weird for the past year and don't really know why.,speaker,1,"To begin with, I'm 18 years old, senior in school, living a good life, I have roof over my head, good understanding parents, a few close friends and not much problems to cope with. But for some reason I started feeling like I don't want to exist here anymore. I feel like I don't want to do anything, for instance: sleep (although I'm tired, sleepy all the time and sleep too much), eat, go somewhere, do things and etc., even be alone in one place and do nothing, I just want to stop existing. This feeling is kinda weird and I don't really know how to express it correctly. Another thing that bothers me, that all my positive emotions got weakened or some of them even gone, most of the time I feel sad or neutral and also, sometimes like I was thrown in a dirt. I try to be positive in life, I go to the gym, talk to people and there are days when I feel little better compared to the other days, but the point is that it doesn't matter how much I try to be positive, the bad mood still returns. To sum up, I have a lot more in my mind, but that’s just a brief text about what I feel. I have suicidal thoughts, but I know that I won't do it. I want to know if this feeling is familiar to you and maybe it's just a phase?",0.469,positive,lonely 642,depressed,I feel weird for the past year and don't really know why.,listener_1,2,"I think it's just a low point, where we all have highs and lows. Does everything just feel so tedious? I sometimes think that I want something new.",-0.3818,negative,lonely 642,depressed,I feel weird for the past year and don't really know why.,speaker,3,"Not everything feels tedious in my actual world, but in my head I feel like what's the point of doing it. I guess I'm just tired from the everyday life and just like you need something new. Thanks for the answer bud! ",0.7777,positive,annoyed 642,depressed,I feel weird for the past year and don't really know why.,speaker,4,"I know that your brain says that you're a loser, but you aren't. It's hard to tell to the people that you don't want to to anything, they won't understand really. I always hope that it'll get better, so I think you should do that too.",0.7909999999999999,positive,suggesting 642,depressed,I feel weird for the past year and don't really know why.,speaker,5,"Thanks for reading my post and offering help, I really appreciate you, keep on living and I think it'll get better soon.",0.8883,positive,consoling 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,speaker,1,"I am meant to work, but I don't, I can never be bothered. I feel lazy and horrible, it causes arguments with my parents, I get in trouble at school, and I still have to go through 3 more years of school/not being able to do anything without my parent's permission... D:The only thing I ever feel like doing is spending time on my computer or phone. Anything else takes too much energy, or I want to but can't be bothered to actually move. Plus, the only place I can talk about problems I have is on the Internet... I am wasting my life.",-0.918,negative,ashamed 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,listener_1,2,"Fuck that noise, if you want something you gotta fight for it, it's not going to come begging you to take it. In essence, if you mean to work, work don't vacillate just do it and see what happens after",-0.7003,negative,angry 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,speaker,3,"I try, but I can't ""just do it. I wish I could. but I can't.""",0.5499,positive,neutral 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,listener_1,4,"That's it man, keep trying, don't worry about it failing, don't stress about it being hard, just zombie out and do it. I think that you can. That's all hard work is, you try and try and try. Fuck anyone that says you can't.",-0.5943,negative,confident 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,speaker,5,I will try. I am going to try my best. thank you,0.7717,positive,wishing 643,depressed,I am wasting my life on the internet.,listener_1,6,Yay! Hope all is well,0.8268,positive,encouraging 644,depressed,Suicide,speaker,1,"I'm thinking of killing myself, this world is just so shitty and every time I try to tell myself to look beyond the problems and have a happy day, the day just gets worse or I just seen to fuck everything up. I've been trying to cut myself or hang myself, I even tried something to stop the depression like exercising and such but it really doesn't work, this is last resort I'm coming to before it's too late, I really need the help, thank you.",-0.4334,negative,grateful 644,depressed,Suicide,listener_1,2,Compliment yourself a little. Tell yourself you are wonderful. That is good for you. People are too hard on themselves theses days. https://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/68abxk/bob_ross_sons_wholesome_reaction_to_making_a/,0.8519,positive,proud 644,depressed,Suicide,speaker,3,"Thank you for your help, truly thank you, but I really think that's enough to get rid of this depression",-0.4142,negative,neutral 645,depressed,How do I fix my depression,speaker,1,"So after turning 15 my life changed forever. I started noticing my parents are aging, my cats and dogs I had since I was 5 passed away and I don't know how to cope. I am the youngest in my family, my dad is 58, and my mom is 47. Please someone help me get out of this. I miss the old times. ",0.5267,positive,sad 645,depressed,How do I fix my depression,listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear that, however you're observations are right and it is a tough reality. Sorry to say. But there's nothing we can do to change that. I wish there was too as I love my parent dearly. Something's that pop out immediately when I read this is teachings about impermanence and death in Buddhism. I don't want to be shoving a religion at you by all means however I think that just reading about impermanence and death from a Buddhist perspective can be a breath a fresh air. Below are some links that I found that are refreshing to read and hope that reading some might make you feel better. Of course reading and understanding intellectually is not going to be the same as understanding emotionally, in which that is what meditation is for. Meditation is to accustomed oneself and to emotionally understand reality. Sorry for the long post but you're feelings that you have, I feel could be helped by Buddhism. Buddhism is really a philosophy as many people around the world find Buddhism very helpful. Also I would say, spend as much time with you family and really just be kind and help them around as much as possible. http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5353998 https://www.lamayeshe.com/article/impermanence-and-death https://studybuddhism.com/en/tibetan-buddhism/path-to-enlightenment/karma-rebirth/buddhist-advice-on-death-and-dying Hope this help! ",0.9889,positive,sympathizing 645,depressed,How do I fix my depression,speaker,3,"Thank you, today I am feeling much better and I just got into meditation last week and becoming part of the moment. Also Buddhism is a religion I have always wanted to get into because of psychedelic use. But anyhow thank you so much for taking the time to help me it means a lot",0.8674,positive,grateful 645,depressed,How do I fix my depression,listener_1,4,Yes no worries at all. Hahha that's how I got into Buddhism at first! Well I'm glad you feel good! But yeah if you need anyone to talk to just pm me :) even if it's just on psychedelics or Buddhism haha,0.9545,positive,acknowledging 646,depressed,Ever feel so stressed that.......,speaker,1,You can't remember what just occurred like 30 seconds ago You're never hungry as you used to be Always a second away from an anxiety attack No one understands you The joys of life don't matter even when they still make you laugh ,0.4983,positive,joyful 646,depressed,Ever feel so stressed that.......,listener_1,2,"I constantly live in my blurry head with my muddled thoughts. It makes it impossible to be good at my job, form good friendships or enjoy a girls company. I just want to die. ",0.765,positive,embarrassed 646,depressed,Ever feel so stressed that.......,speaker,3,That's how I feel Like a movie being fast forwarded and pausing every now and then ,0.3612,positive,nostalgic 647,depressed,Went from unhappy to straight actually depressed,speaker,1,"Details about myself and my situation: -21 year old female -I live alone in a home I own -Works an average of 100+ hours every 2 weeks in a factory... -Thin, short, decent looking -Just bought my first brand new car... So what's wrong? I have no friends at all. I've always been a loner... but I've realized how alone I really am... my mom died when I was 10 and my dad died when I was 13. Tbh their deaths never bothered me that much. They raised me in a very strange way tho... I didn't go to school... no vaccinations.. no friends... I taught myself reading and math.. after my dad died I was shipped off to the other side of the United States... I'm mostly sad bc I literally work everyday and when I don't I sit alone in my house. I've tried dating but the only guys I'm interested in don't take the time of day to message me back... some have said I'm ""fine"" or whatever... but if they really think so then that only means that my personality is so awful they don't want anything to do w me... Ive never even been in a 'real' relationship before, just sex and that's it. I've never been depressed before, this is the first time I've cried for no reason at all... I've also noticed my temper has gotten much worse at work.. idk what to do I'm lost. ",-0.9915,negative,lonely 647,depressed,Went from unhappy to straight actually depressed,listener_1,2,try to find a hobby,0.0,neutral,hopeful 647,depressed,Went from unhappy to straight actually depressed,listener_2,3,You really shouldn't have commented at all if you weren't going to comment in depth on this ladies extremely sad situation. ,-0.5256,negative,questioning 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,1,"As the title says, I'm not suicidal but I'm feeling very ""done"" with life. I've lost motivation for most things, things I loved doing. I've lost desire to do most things. I am just coming out of a 8 year long relationship with my ex-fiance. Thats obviously where a lot of my feelings are stemming from these days but even before problems surfaced in our relationship I started feeling this way. I try to think about where this all started from but when I do that it feels like I'm trying to play the blame game and I hate playing that game. These days I just try to ""get lost"" in the basics of life but find myself feeling like I am grinding myself into dust with the monotony of - wake up, get ready for the day, deal with LA traffic to work, deal with BS at work, deal with LA traffic to home, have a few hours to myself where I try to distract myself from my shitty thoughts and feelings with meditation, playing video games, playing with my cat etc. I can never manage to do any task for more than a few minutes without feeling bored and wanting to move onto something else. Then just as soon as I ""find something else"" I get bored with it to. So I spend my few hours of free time bouncing around to different things never really getting to feel satisfied from anything all to end up going to bed feeling anxious about the next day...rinse and repeat. Honestly, I'm a pussy....in my honest opinoin with what I've got going on in my life I should NOT be feeling this way. Is my life perfect? No - far from it. But, do I have it much easier than a lot of other folks? Most definitely. So why am I whining and complaining? Because I feel like shit...but why? I cannot answer that... If someone were to ask me ""What do you think would ""fix"" this or make you feel better?"" I'd probably answer with ""To have things like they were about a year ago."" We cannot change time. We cannot go back. All I can do is move forward. Although that should make me feel optimistic - often times it just makes me feel lonesome, lost, fearful of the future, nostaglic over the past and more feelings that come flooding together all at once. I find myself tearing up for almost no reason at all. Sometimes its a song on the radio, silly/cute commercial whatever....I'm not trying to sound all ""Chuck Norris Manly man"" or anything, (we've already established I'm a pussy) but in the past I've never found myself tearing up or crying as easily as I am now. I feel like I'm rambling now so I'll draw this to a close - but having typed this out and gotten some sort of a ""release"" of this tension has mildly helped. Sorry for any and all overly whining or otherwise ""BS"" tone you may have pulled from my post. Thanks for reading and your time.",0.9844,positive,sad 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,listener_1,2,"It seems like the relationship that has ended is taking a toll on You. It's OK to feel some emptiness inside and it's natural, that You feel nostalgic for the times past. I'm glad to know that You are still holding on to Your life, trying different things, keeping up with meditation, and even video games. It's hard to feel like this, but things do pass in one way or another. Listen to some sad music, let the tears out, let Your feelings out. Keeping them inside will not do You good, and I'm glad You reached out to talk about it. Don't call Yourself a pussy for being a sensitive person, these are some hard times You are going through. It's a brave thing to be open and I value that very much. You are not alone in this.",0.8507,positive,sad 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,3,"Wow, thanks very much for such a heartfelt message. And so quickly too. Tearing up as I write this heh... I love Reddit so much. The Reddit community as a whole is far more compassionate, understanding, and mature than most social media platforms from my experience. I cannot begin to express my appreciation to every single user of Reddit or moreover to the Devs of Reddit for creating such an amazing place. Thank you very much for your encouragement and motiviation. It really means a lot :) ",0.9887,positive,grateful 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,listener_1,4,"Take this moment of weakness to make Yourself better! I found /r/wholesomememes at a very low point in my life and it has changed me for the better. I guess these things work better when we are feeling down... It might not be something for You right now, and if that is the case - I'm sorry and I understand, but at the same time some warm feelings would help <3",0.8198,positive,sympathizing 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,listener_2,5,/r/wholesomememes is one of my favorite subreddits <3,0.4588,positive,disgusted 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,6,"Anything helps these days. Without sound too ""crazy/bipolar"" my emotions have been a rollercoaster lately. I'll have a totally great day and then the next day will be down in the dumps for seemingly no reason. Those are the days I can definitely use extra outside energy. So your help is definitely well received on this shitty day. I cannot thank you enough for reading my post, and taking the time to respond. Thank you very, very much :)",0.9239,positive,grateful 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,7,"I think of it like a video game in some respects. Im done ""replaying this level"" or ""im done with this character"". Its not really coming from a place of hate or even pure depression, for me anyways, i dare say some of my desire for it to end is to some extent simply cause im bored, have no motivation, desire to move forward and if i did no direction to move in other than ""forward"" (?). For me it is somewhat comforing that i am not the only person feeling this way right now. I cant help but feel like something metaphysical or on the quantum level is at play here and people like you and i are more sensitive to it. Idk. Im all over the place these days with thoughts, trying to find reasons for my feeling the way i do, then trying to be in the moment. You are not alone my friend. I too struggle. I hope you get as much out of expressing these thoughts and feelings by writing here as i am right now. Writing to even just you, some stranger, gives me some relief so I hope i can provide that for you as well. Thank you for being there for me. :)",0.9736,positive,sad 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,listener_2,8,"Yeah that explains it really well. How I feel about an old game is the same as I feel about my life tbh. Bored, worn out, and just wanting to delete it or get rid of all my items, travel somewhere else, and start again. Makes me think of /r/outside now hah",0.0754,positive,nostalgic 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,9,"Check out [this](https://youtu.be/CcsUYu0PVxY) It is a lovely mix of chilled out, sort of ambient, verrrry relaxing music. I listen to it almost daily. It helps me on rough days, or just get started for the day. I hope you like it!",0.9328,positive,content 648,depressed,Not suicidal but I'm done with life...,speaker,10,"Thanks for reading and commenting. Makes me feel less alone. I felt exactly as you said a couple weeks ago. I turned inward and asked, what can i do to make myself feel better? Im still not where i want to be but i am much better than where i was. Im sure you are doing things for yourself too. Its all we can do at this point. One foot infront of the other, one day at a time.",0.8495,positive,agreeing 649,depressed,Life scares me,speaker,1,I am not suicidal and tbh I'm too much of a pussy to act on it if I did have these thoughts. I am 21 and entering my last year of school majoring in economics. I'm posting here because no matter what I do in school doesn't seem to work. I regularly attend class and take notes and study but all I'm getting is shit grades and then I feel battered and beaten because I'm not good enough. Iv accepted that economics is a tough major but the fact of the matter is that I'm scared and I don't know how to deal with life moving so fast with me almost being a living on my own adult with a career and an idea of what to do with my life bht I don't. On top of this My friends are leaving me and I don't know how to cope with it either. I haven't had a steady relationship for more than 6 months either. All of these have been accumulating and now I feel like I want to explode. I'm scared that my parents will think of me as a failure in life like my dads brothers family. Thank you for reading this and please direct me to a subreddit that I can post this in a more relevant environment as I'm not sure of this is the correct sub I'm looking for but none the less I haven't felt the same in a while and would like an opinion ,-0.6522,negative,disappointed 649,depressed,Life scares me,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way every day and there is actually a term for it called ""imposter syndrome"". I've found that getting away from the rat race helps when everything feels overwhelming, go for a walk in nature without your phone and just ""exist"" for a few minutes. I also got a dog which helped a lot because I'm responsible for that creature regardless of my current mood and without me that creature would cease to exist, it makes me feel needed. Making lists also helps to feel accomplished and being honest with yourself when you ask the question ""what's the worst that can happen if I completely fail at this?"" Be pragmatic about the repercussions and it will help you prioritize what actually matters. And for the record man, your post made me feel less alone because someone can relate to the way I've felt for nearly my entire life. High five from an internet friend. Edit: Just came across [this](http://i.imgur.com/2ifLGoC.jpg) and it seemed relevant",0.8442,positive,content 649,depressed,Life scares me,speaker,3,"Thanks man for the reply I appreciate it, I'm going to do that now actually it's a nice day and I have to seize the opportunity. I felt the same way too though about being alone and your reply makes me feel less alone. Thank you",0.8662,positive,grateful 649,depressed,Life scares me,listener_1,4,Sometimes feeling less alone in life is all we need,-0.0534,negative,lonely 650,depressed,I quit Facebook,speaker,1,"I've already clicked the application 8 times but it's deactivated right now, I'm going to delete the actual app soon but I need to take this slow cx I feel like that is the main cause of my depression...",-0.4215,negative,guilty 650,depressed,I quit Facebook,listener_1,2,"I've deleted Facebook too :p It became so much better :) (i only use it for messenger tho, (not like anyone would contact me... XD))",0.7455,positive,neutral 650,depressed,I quit Facebook,speaker,3,I deactivated messenger as well because I don't need those people.. I sent 5 people my actual phone # and I'm pretty content with it so far.. only day 2 but man I was so addicted ,0.3919,positive,content 650,depressed,I quit Facebook,listener_1,4,"Oh same... Believe me xD Since i deleted Facebook and kept messenger, i was always checking my phone to see if someone's (literally anyone's name actually) name would appear so i had someone to talk, but that behavior faded away :p and now i only use my phone for Dynasty Warriors Unleashed, reddit and twitter :p",0.7506,positive,neutral 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,1,"Tried to hang myself this morning. This isn't my first suicide attempt. I've been at it for over ten fucking years. Cuts. Pills. Bridges. Nooses. Fire. The only thing I haven't grabbed is a gun and that's because I have no idea how to acquire one. What a shame. Well, as if it isn't obvious I live on. Fuck. And I can't even call a personal day into work because rent is too high anymore and I struggle with the hours I do get. Anyway, I hope someone out there is having the exact opposite kind of life experience that I am. I hope you're full of happiness and love and never question your value. You're all worth that. I'm just...not. I'm just me. ",0.4168,positive,ashamed 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,listener_1,2,Just a stranger her sending you love and support because life can suck and you deserve to feel valued ❤️❤️,0.7845,positive,sentimental 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,3,Thank you. It's been some time since I've struggled this badly in my head. My neck is bruised to shit and working in the heat is gonna be shitty with turtle necks until it heals. ,-0.8939,negative,grateful 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,4,"Thanks man. I haven't watched some good anime in so long. Just recently got hooked on harlots on Hulu, but my home library has some real good animes in it that I might rewatch soon. Love and good vibes to you friend. 💖",0.9829,positive,wishing 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,listener_1,5,That sucks- best of luck ,0.6908,positive,wishing 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,listener_2,6,Nujabes makes great music!! https://soundcloud.com/danielxryujixgill/nujabes-modal-soul-album,0.6892,positive,nostalgic 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,7,Thank you for sharing. I'll listen when I'm off work. ,0.6486,positive,grateful 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,8,Thanks. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,speaker,9,"The joys of having a therapist that I pay money for is that I can be however I need to be to express myself to them. Look into it if you haven't before. It helps but I've only been doing one session a month recently and I think I'm gonna have to increase my sessions again. I'm a pretty angry person. Sure the things that happened to me as a girl contribute but I handle it how my mental state sees best, so I just get mad A LOT. Smoking weed helps tremendously. I'm always around so feel free to hit me up. I'm sorry you're struggling with shit.",0.7767,positive,trusting 651,depressed,Can't afford life. Can't afford death.,listener_2,10,How was it? How u feeling now? Better? ,0.6046,positive,questioning 652,depressed,Why do I feel like I'm destined for great things but will never reach them?,speaker,1,I feel like I'm in a tunnel constantly walking knowing I'm walking forward but will never reach the end. It's devastating knowing that I will never amount to anything great. Anyone else feel this way?,0.0872,positive,devastated 652,depressed,Why do I feel like I'm destined for great things but will never reach them?,listener_1,2,"That's life, you just have to keep pushing, all the people who you think have accomplished great feats, started just where you are now, but they took that energy and used it, find what your passionate about, you don't have to affect millions to leave your mark, do what you think is important, and it always will be ",0.9127,positive,neutral 652,depressed,Why do I feel like I'm destined for great things but will never reach them?,speaker,3,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 653,depressed,Im 13 and i have depression.,speaker,1,"Hello I am 13 years old; and i have depression. I want to kill myself. I haven't tried talking to a professional yet nor have i told anybody i've just kept quiet. This all began when i was 10, family problems, so what? Everybody has some. It got more intense as i grew up, but i never took it to heart. Until it struck my mind that i am the problem. I have never experienced so much pain in my life. I tried killing myself when i was 12. Never have i thought it would be that painful. No one noticed. Not even my own parents. I laugh to this day that they didnt care. I am a worthless piece of shit. I am going to kill myself. I really dont care anymore I am posting this on reddit to see what should i do maybe ill get nice comments that are written half assed just to make me feel better. Nah, I dont want that, dont waste your time on a fucked up shit like me; the world just made me to tell itself that its better than me. I hate my life. I truly want to die. But does anyone care? No. Ive never tried drawing attention to myself. But i posted this just to see what could happen. If i talked to my parents about it i would probably be dismissed as ""just sad"" or crazy. If i ever truly did talk about my feelings i would be dead already. If you read all of this. Im sorry u had to waste your time on some shitty life. Thankyou for reading. Goodbye.",-0.9966,negative,ashamed 653,depressed,Im 13 and i have depression.,listener_1,2,"I'm 19 now and I did exactly like you. The difference is that now i have to get my shit together all by myself. Not fun. You have the right age to get help for free, use it. Trust me. Good luck ",0.8859,positive,wishing 653,depressed,Im 13 and i have depression.,listener_2,3,"I second this, as someone who first attempted suicide at 11 due to family reasons and a whole lot of horrible. Once while in school I was refered to a doctor for depression but I was so scared I just lied my way out of it as I use comedy and fake smiles so much it wad easy just to but that front on. Talking is increadibly hard for me to do, I just dont believe anything said in response is sincere. I've reached a point in my life now where I am certainly not happy all the time, and a lot of that is due to a situation I'm currently trapped in, but I have happiness and I am happy. Life is not simple. Using comedy, trying to not stress over the things I have no control over, looking at the little pieces of hope. Literally trying to find something that is beautiful in your eyes, or that is soothing. (Little things that you dont have to share with others. I find rubbing the nail of my thumb across my lip soothing, and random stuff like cobwebs with mildew on them, graffiti, the way a building stands can be beautiful) Basically Im saying find the reasons to keep going. I havent been suicidal for years, but I'm definetly still depressed. Some days its hard to get out of bed but there are many moments that have been worth it because i made myself get up and also because i try not to punish myself with guilt if i cant bring myself to go.",0.9749,positive,trusting 653,depressed,Im 13 and i have depression.,listener_3,4,"Yeah, you're a kid and you should try to just be a kid and be happy, but that's in an ideal world. Depression first hit me when I was about seven and it's still living in the guest room 20 years later. If you don't want to talk to an adult I would suggest talking to a friend, though an older friend or authority figure would probably be most helpful. If you really don't want to TALK to anyone but there is someone you want to have knowledge of what you're going through, I would suggest writing a letter to them (or an e-mail) and include directions about what they should do with that information (write/e-mail back, call you, talk via text or IM, meet you at a park to just walk around and MAYBE talk). At some point, talking to your parents, a teacher, or a school counselor would be a good idea, but not everyone can make themselves take that step.",0.9633,positive,neutral 654,depressed,Help. Please,speaker,1,"I'm seriously tired of living. All those giddy quotes about how I should just enjoy life, or forget about the negativities and Whatnots are not helping. In a week, I'm about to lose my job. I just broke up with my boyfriend. I'm torn between trying to mend our relationship, or just staying away from its broken pieces. Within three hours or so, he'd tell me his final decision about our relationship. I'm afraid that if he says to keep it, I'd be terrified that it will just get worse. And if he says not to keep it, well I might just lose my mind. Apart from these, I'm still anxious that I might not continue my studies. I feel so alone. I feel stuck with how life works. Sometimes, I just find myself staring blankly at something. I frequently space out. I don't do drugs nor do I drink liquor but all these happen. I seriously pray to God at night to just take my life away. I even tried to study black magic to just lose myself in a dream; lost and not being able to wake up anymore. I came to a point where I become desperate to die peacefully. I just want all of these to end.",-0.9593,negative,apprehensive 654,depressed,Help. Please,listener_1,2,"Take a breath, I know what it's like, spiralling uncertainty. I'd like to tell you it gets better, but we both know that's just a platitude, it can get better, but it will take luck and work. Have any hobbies? What are your interests? I can't say anything about the religion points, I myself am pagan (white magic though, black stuff is bad news) so I can't tell you to ""trust in God's plan"" or any of that truck. What I can say is this, and I'm learning it myself at the moment, you need to learn to trust in you, if your relationship ends, take the time to be you for a while instead of ""us""",0.9559,positive,trusting 654,depressed,Help. Please,speaker,3,Thank you so much. :),0.6983,positive,wishing 654,depressed,Help. Please,listener_1,4,"No problem, trust me, I know the suffering, and all I can say is that you can learn to live with it, some days will better, some days may be worse. Find things you like, I highly recommend crafting hobbies, nothing feels better to me than making something from nothing, plus the repetitive motion become meditative in their own right, if I could have a kiln I'd be a happier person as I love ceramics. Trust me, hang in there as best you can, I'm with you",0.9544,positive,trusting 655,depressed,I don't know how to approach life anymore.,speaker,1,"I'm an Australian Teen, 16, and I've always had certain issues connecting socially. Over the summer I decided to focus on academics in school, as I have heard a lot that some of the biggest regrets have been that people didn't try in school. I thought I would be fine, however I am now 5 months in, and I generally don't have any motivation for life. I'm completely dissociated from anybody socially, and I have no wha back in. I've always thought I've been depressed, and I'm getting it checked out soon, but I just don't know what to do. Any help?",0.1235,positive,lonely 655,depressed,I don't know how to approach life anymore.,listener_1,2,Did you have any social connections before you tried academically. I think maybe joining some kind of extra curricular should meet you with a few new people. :),0.4588,positive,suggesting 655,depressed,I don't know how to approach life anymore.,speaker,3,"I did have some, but I've managed to distance myself from them some how, and I have no general interests or hobbies.",-0.6007,negative,lonely 656,depressed,The worst is just feeling nothing,speaker,1,"I'm in the prime of my life. There's so many things to discover and experience, so many things I haven't yet done. Today could be the start of something great. Even knowing this, I just feel nothing. I feel no pleasure from anything. I can't concentrate on movies or video games, which I used to love. It's like I am hungry but I cannot think of a single thing I want to eat. I feel like I am just killing time, and deep down, I'm afraid I will look back on this time and realize how much I've missed.",-0.318,negative,sad 656,depressed,The worst is just feeling nothing,listener_1,2,"I'm 23 and feel the exact same way. I wish I had a solution for you but I don't, at the very least I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. ",0.5588,positive,caring 656,depressed,The worst is just feeling nothing,speaker,3,I'm 25,0.0,neutral,content 656,depressed,The worst is just feeling nothing,listener_2,4,"I'm 26 and I can relate. You're probably depressed. These things come and go like seasons for me - sometimes 6 weeks here or a week there. It helped me to make a list of things i used to enjoy at one point and then push myself to attempt each one until I finished the list ( I still haven't finished the list, but its a good exercise) What do you want out of life? I found that question very hard to answer when I was down. Perhaps, what needs doing ? Cleaning? Grooming? Laundry? When you do get out of this slump, just know it is what it is and don't be so hard on yourself. At least you're not a hobo living on the streets. Your quality of life is better than people in Syria. You have internet access... and other stuff. Attempt todo lists... Are you going for efficiency or comfortableness at this time? If it's comfort, then not doing anything is what you want to do . If it's efficiency - then pushing yourself to accomplish or attempt to accomplish small lists of tasks for needs and wants is what you want That advice was strictly speaking from a ""I've been there"" - feel free to take or leave it as it is. ",0.9868,positive,hopeful 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,speaker,1,I am a recebtly turned 17 year old who attends college regularly one might call me ab academic student but regardless of how nice or horrible i am to people they all seem to treat me the same way. I am beginning to find solace by biting my hands and cutting layers of skin of my legs and feet but i am unendingly sad about theese occurences,-0.5267,negative,ashamed 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,listener_1,2,"Iif you could take a best guess, why would you think people dislike you? Im not blaming you, im just curious",0.7599,positive,neutral 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,speaker,3,I honestly do not know it just seems like i radite a vary hateble aura,0.6705,positive,afraid 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,speaker,4,"For one. Dont bring up cancer for what i described my feelings as are nothing like cancer or any other life changing ""disablilty"" you insensitive fuckwad And Two. I wrote this post during a time of depressed rage so it is exaggerated. And Three. Do you not think i have sought medical advice... i feel like reaching out to other people who feel the same is a better way to cope than a guy who probably has never been through the shit you have... Oh and as for the self harm. I feel numb to it at this point. It doeant phase me anymore.",0.1921,positive,angry 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,listener_2,5,I don't quite know what to say to this. I want to clarify what I was trying to say and hash things out. Would you rather I do that or just leave you alone?,-0.2263,negative,questioning 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,speaker,6,If you are tryin to help someone with a problem the worst thing to do is to tell them that they are effectively complqining about somethint that is meaningless in the grand scheme of things,-0.2732,negative,apprehensive 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,listener_2,7,"I was trying to say we each have a body, and we each only get one body that we make due with. Purposefully taking care of it helps. Hurting it doesn't help. Awkwardness is not meaningless. It served a purpose for generations before us and is there for a reason. IMHO It's probably there so we don't hurt other people's feelings. Too much awkwardness is a bother though.",0.5727,positive,annoyed 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,listener_1,8,"you mean like a ""fuck everyone, leave me alone"" kinda attitude?",-0.4939,negative,questioning 657,depressed,Why does everyone seem to dislike/hate me,speaker,9,I dont but that is what it feels like when i talk to others,0.5023,positive,neutral 657,depressed,Help,listener_3,1,"im at an all time low, can someone help, my friends doesnt want to talk to me, im living alone",0.3565,positive,lonely 657,depressed,Help,listener_2,2,"Can you call your doctor? They could help if its medication related. From experience, things are probably really hard to do right now, and there's things that need to get done that aren't getting done. Attempting to get the necessary things done helps. List all your needs - does your hair need combed? does your floor need straightening ? ,etc Then make a small attempt at each one until you've gone through the list. That's the best I can give . I wish I could fix things and make it better for you. These things come in seasons. they come and go. I hate that you're down. I used to get times where I didn't want to do anything. When that happened, I just got lost in [Blender](http://blender.org) whenever I felt down - i'd do a tutorial from [Blenderguru](https://www.blenderguru.com/) or just create random particles or whatever... press all the buttons... play around with it. You're welcome to give that a shot - made down times feel shorter- feel free to PM me if you do, or if you just need someone to PM. ",0.9554,positive,prepared 657,depressed,Help,listener_3,3,"Thank you, this made me feel better. Thanks for the advice, and maybe I should go to therapy or something",0.8074,positive,suggesting 657,depressed,Help,listener_2,4,"You're welcome :) I'm glad you feel a little better. Therapy is more long term. It may help to put together a small list for this weekend as an option - if the list is attempted ,great, if not, you made a list and thought about it, no harm done. What needs getting done this weekend? What is something you used to enjoy doing? ",0.9745,positive,acknowledging 657,depressed,Help,listener_3,5,I used to do long walks at the beach,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 657,depressed,Help,listener_2,6,hmmm... you could attempt to walk somewhere for 5 minutes.... or try going to the beach sometime. ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,speaker,1,"So my 2 friends.. My only friends saw my cuts on my arms that was made only an hour ago.. They said ""Are you self harming"" I was so afraid and didn't say anything, Then one of them started laughing and the other said I was faking it.. I felt relief for them thinking that but.. Why did they do that? Is it wrong that I feel so much more sad now?",-0.8365,negative,ashamed 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,listener_1,2,"You should talk to someone. A professional your parenta, you need someone who will listen to you. There are other things you can do other than self harm to get rid of these feelings. When I had friends that self injured, I would make them think about the other things we could be doing. Going to an arcade, going bowling, mini golf. Always keep yourself busy, and you won't feel the need to self injure. In my experience this means that they either really don't believe the situation at hand, or they don't want to. Either way, there is always someone out there to talk to",-0.0315,neutral,prepared 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,speaker,3,I've actually tried telling my mother.. She told me I was lying.. My father lives 15 hours away with plane and I've never seen him.. I also tried telling some one else.. I didn't even tell her about my self harming and she told the society without my permission... So it's very hard to trust any one at this point,-0.659,negative,trusting 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,listener_2,4,"What skyline2250 said - Keep yourself busy. Perhaps make a list of things you've found fun and enjoyable, then go do those things. find someone like a school counselor who can help. ",0.8859999999999999,positive,suggesting 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,speaker,5,"It was 2 school therapists I talked too.. I can't talk to any one else. You know what happened today at my wonderful life? I got replaced by my ""Fake friends"" as soon as they noticed I wouldn't do things for them anymore they asked me to move seat. I did since it would make things calm for me.. and then they talked behind my back loudly and so new rumors have spread about me. If they fuck my life up so much how can NO ONE know what this does to some one?! How can no one care. ",-0.7107,negative,angry 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,listener_3,6,Well then they weren't really your friends? Do you live in the US? Because I'm pretty sure if you are talking to a school therapist and you tell then about what you're doing to yourself they are supposed to notify your parents and figure out proper action on what you need. ,0.637,positive,neutral 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,speaker,7,No.. I live in sweden and my therapist immediately went for authorities. My mother got pissed at me because the authorities wanted to speak to us.. Then we talked blah blah they thought I was ok life moved on I have a harder time trusting any one. tbh,-0.2732,negative,trusting 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,listener_3,8,That's because you need to tell them what the hell is really going on!! Of course the authorities are going to get involved!! Your mom's job is to take care of you and apparently she can't even do that!! You need to be the brave one to tell them what's actually happeneing. How you told your mom about the incident and how she reacted. That wasn't someone breaking your trust! That was someone trying to take a stand for you to make sure you didn't get worse. At least you would have court ordered therapy and then your mother would have to take you seriously and see this was a problem and see where she was slacking.,0.7859,positive,trusting 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,speaker,9,I'm simply scared to do it.. What if they react.. Badly?,-0.7184,negative,apprehensive 658,depressed,My friend saw my cuts.. But didn't care,listener_3,10,"This happens to a lot of people. Not just you. Yes it is scary, not going to lie, but you'll be getting the help that you need.",0.2074,positive,agreeing 659,depressed,I don't want to live,speaker,1,"I have felt this way since I can remember. I always feel alone, right now I'm literally alone. I have no energy to go out. No one understands. The only option I feel I have to stop this emotional pain is to end my life so I can have peace. My last attempt didn't work and left me with a broken arm. So now I have physical pain, and emotional pain. I can't handle this much longer. If I go to a therapist, they would put me in a psyche ward as if it's a crime to not want to be in pain. My last attempt people told me they were glad that I am still here. They didn't really mean it. Their is no love in this life. I'm sure my boyfriend left me. My brother told me I should kill myself. That was what drew the last straw that made me walk blindly in the street. My son used my accident to get time off from work, told them he needed to take care of me but instead he's out having fun god knows where. My sister gave me a dirty look. I don't know why. People say they care when they really don't. I have no energy to go out otherwise I would take action on my suicide plan like right now. I'm so miserable. I;m suffering. I'm suffering so much. I keep begging god to make it stop. i keep begging got to take me with him. He doesn't respond. ",-0.9823,negative,lonely 659,depressed,I don't want to live,listener_1,2,Hi wanna talk?,0.0,neutral,questioning 659,depressed,I don't want to live,speaker,3,"I am very sorry to read your reply. I hope somehow this void we fill in our hearts can be mended with something better than medication. I will let you know that I am popular. That doesn't help having people to talk to. All the acquaintances. Their are very few people that I trust. My brother, and my mom are the only ones. I was asked what will make me happy. I don't even know. I have a boyfriend. I get social security, I have family that check on me every now n then, I get gifts, my room is pretty and girly, I have hobbies, I have more than enough to be grateful for. I guess what it would take to be happy is appreciation. I take it all for granted n walk blindly into a car. Now I have a broken arm, and physical pain. I have to take pain medicine now. My life has been downgraded. I guess I don't even know what else to say. I'll let you know what happens when I start therapy. I will take this so called anti depressant medication just to give it another shot. I don't want to hurt the ones that I love and the ones who love me.",0.9841,positive,lonely 659,depressed,I don't want to live,speaker,4,Well unfortunately I want to remain anonymous. I believe that's the whole point of this. ,0.0,neutral,faithful 660,depressed,Life Is Nothing But A Nightmare,speaker,1,"[18 F] I don't know what to do anymore. I am not happy. I have no friends and my self-confidence is very, very low. I feel like I'm trapped in my head and in this life. I disappoint everyone and i want to die. I am too afraid to kill myself, but sometimes i wish i could do it. I'm 18 and live with my ex and his family. They don't know we aren't together. I went on a date last night, but i feel like shit. I don't even really like the guy. I was in love with him once, but that faded over time. My ex is on a date right now and i hate it. I hate that im like this. I feel so unloved and unneeded. I want us to move on, but i get upset when he mentions other girls. I am graduating very soon and im terrified of change. I will have to really grow up and be on my own. I don't see any good in living and i feel dead inside. I know thats dramatic but im a mess. I feel no desire to be me or live. I'm just scared to die...",-0.9949,negative,lonely 660,depressed,Life Is Nothing But A Nightmare,listener_1,2,You need to move out. You're strong you can do it. Each day is a new day and you need to take each second as it comes. If you need someone to vent too don't hesitate to PM me or find me @DFEKT_Official ,0.6266,positive,hopeful 660,depressed,Life Is Nothing But A Nightmare,speaker,3,Thank you☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 661,depressed,Heavy heart and exhausted eyes. Honey I'm home.,speaker,1,"So I unsubscribed because life was on the rise but now I know there's no escaping this bullshit. A couple of days after leaving this sub I went to have a great night out with my best friends and crashed my car trying to find them. I'm still alive, unfortunately. I did still make it to them and some of them did nothing but look after me but then someone lied and got my hopes up. Being traumatised, I placed what hope I had left in this lie and got affection from someone I've got the biggest fucking crush on. Feeling brave, and because I just needed his support I told him how I feel. Now he ignores me. I went out for lunch the next day and my brother spilled apple juice in my handbag, all over medical referrals, through my wallet and drenching one of my favourite necklace. As much as I wanted to lose it in that cafe, I held it together. A day later, my favourite mug broke and not even 48 hours after, my favourite bauble got smashed. I lost a shift at work and I'm just waiting for something else to fall apart. I'm exhausted and over it, I've started comfort eating things I know I can't digest. But what the point in coming back from rock bottom when life is gonna send you a geological drill?",0.9142,positive,devastated 661,depressed,Heavy heart and exhausted eyes. Honey I'm home.,speaker,2,"I'm sorry, that was such a long post...",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 661,depressed,Heavy heart and exhausted eyes. Honey I'm home.,listener_1,3,It's cool. Hope you'll be able to climb out of your hole.,0.6369,positive,encouraging 662,depressed,The reasons I want to kill myself,speaker,1,"1. Money; In this world you cannot be what you want to be. Your choices are limited to the amount of money you have. The only reason why we have money is for power and control. If I really could be whatever I want. I don't need to be paid for it. Me personally I like to sing, dance, write songs, most of all I like to be creative. I have been told since I was a child that doing all of that will not pay off. Imagine Taylor swift quitting her career if they told her she would have to do it for free. That would make her a fraud. Imagine Trump saying you mean I don't get paid to be president, fuck that I'm taking up stripping instead. The way the world is today is if you don't have money you won't get better if your sick, have an education, an apartment, food, water, etc. I don't like money, as a child I thought that was dumb that people would follow someone else's dream for metal and paper before they follow their own. I want to dance, sing, write songs, be creative. 2. Selfishness; I am the type of person who would give you a shirt if I saw you were cold, walk with you to find that place you can't find, help you with your groceries, feed you if your hungry, hug you if I saw you needed it. It makes me feel good to do something nice for someone else besides myself. Sadly not everyone thinks like this. Their are a few accounts on Mount Everest where people froze to death and countless people walked right passed them like oh well not my problem. Their is a story that happened in the NYC subway, where a man was pushed into the train tracks. He could have been saved but everyone just took their phones out and recorded it. If i was their I would have grabbed his hand and pulled him up. 3. No Love; Why would I want to be in a world where love is scarce. That should be self explanatory. In fact I barely understand how to explain this one. I don't even understand what love is. My mom ""loves me"" She abused me since I was a child until I emancipated her at 15. Was physically, mentally, financially, emotionally abused by boyfriends that said they loved me. My brother calls me dumb shit, is that love? My son says he loves me but now I barely see him, is that love? In fact he used my hospital stay to get time off of work saying that he needed to take care of me but only visited me for a short while, is that love? They say God loves me, I never get to see him. Must be love 4. Mental Illness; I try my best not to burden anyone with my problems. My boyfriend has SZ. He tries his best not to burden anyone with his problems. Doctors really don't understand anyone. I've been admitted to a Psyche ward, mainly I walk right to the ER and let them know I feel like hurting myself. I usually regret that a few hours later while they have me sitting in a dingy room with magazines, they take my phone away, my clothes, they put me in a flimsy gown while the temperature is way too cold for me to bear. Then I'm ignored, treated in a condescending manner. Hey I'm hungry, I have money, can I order something to eat??? My questions ignored. My feelings ignored. No one working their is compassionate. I can't smoke a dam cigarette. I was once told this is a hospital not a hotel. No really this is a hospital and I came here for treatment not to be treated as if I am criminally insane. No wonder why I don't like hospitals or anyone else doesn't like them. The experience is so bad, I pretend I'm ok just to be out of their. I'm so traumatized by my experience that I don't like going to a doctor for a regular check up. 5. Loneliness; I am a popular woman. I have several friends. All different types of friends. I have family. I'm not literally alone. This loneliness comes from the lack of understanding. I was once asked well what will make you happy? I was baffled by this question. I don't even know the answer myself. No one is to blame for this. I watched the show 13 reasons why I killed myself. It upset me that the character who killed herself blamed people for her Illness. No one is to blame. My thoughts are to blame. I tell myself that I am alone. I tell myself that I am worthless. I am the first and last person to let myself down. I found myself crying in my boyfriends arms, I was recollecting a time my ex tied me to a chair and berated me with his words. He told me what would make you think anyone would love you. You like my house, you like my bed, it's comfortable isn't it. He told me that I am worthless not even worth half a cent. I wasn't crying because of anything my current boyfriend did. No, the memory was destroying me because I was comfortable in my boyfriends arms. The word comfortable brought me back to a terrible event. Meanwhile safe in my boyfriends arms, trapped and alone. My boyfriend made me tell him what was going on and turned it around. He told me no no no, don't think of that, are you hungry? Think of pizza. That awful event doesn't bother me anymore. Now I see it as a faded nightmare of a pizza, pizza doesn't talk. ",0.562,positive,angry 662,depressed,The reasons I want to kill myself,listener_1,2,"Hey I know shit seems really rough right now, and it probably feels like your a little lost. Trust me I've been there and quite honestly I still sometimes am. But, I promise you that your life is important. Follow your dreams and don't let anyone tell you that your dream is dumb or unacheivable, because without dreamers, the world would be a much darker place. If you ever want to talk, even if it's just to vent, pm me, I can be a good listener ",0.9033,positive,faithful 662,depressed,The reasons I want to kill myself,speaker,3,Thank you for writing this thoughtful reply. You basically sum up some of what I want to say. ,0.7003,positive,wishing 662,depressed,The reasons I want to kill myself,speaker,4,Mental Illness. Although I am not sure that is a good headline for it ,-0.193,negative,apprehensive 662,depressed,The reasons I want to kill myself,listener_2,5,Your welcome. I know it was really long but hope knowing there are more of us out there who still have good morals and hearts helps you stay positive. Seems those of us who are gentle hearted people go through the most crap in life and feel the most pain. Just remember that those who get everything they want in life are more then likely manipulating and hurting other to get it. While we truly earn the good things that come into our lives and can be happy with who we are. Always nice to meet someone who thinks like I do. If you can keep me posted or message me if you ever just need to talk/vent. Venting really helps when u know the person you are venting to really cares :) ,0.9936,positive,consoling 663,depressed,Will I ever be happy?,speaker,1,"Hi there.. I know my post probably won't be as bad as some others, but... Well.. I suffer from self-diagnosed Depression, since I was about 7-8... My family don't know - least, I hope they don't... I wouldn't want all the questions being asked... Same thing for work... I'm 23 years old... I have a full-time job... My Depression however... Has gone on for so long, that.. I feel like I'm starting to see black and white. I no longer feel anything for anyone... I'm getting more and more depressed, and angry... What is the cause of my Depression..? Where to start..? Ever since I moved to Spain around 7-8, I lost my friends... It all changed. I was bullied in real life for the next 6-7 years at school, and never told anyone... The kids sure knew I was being bullied, but my family didn't... Pretty sure the Teacher's didn't know, or didn't care... It was a few weeks after this started, that I came online... Online on the internet.. I found where to be happy.. To be myself... When I say myself - I mean.. ""Transgender"", is what people would call me... Though I have not transitioned or anything, and highly doubt I will... So, to sum it up... - ~16-17 Years of being my Female self online. - ~16-17 Years of having no real life friends. - ~16-17 Years of having ""online friends"", who do nothing but lie... Betray.. Use for their own gains, etc... I no longer know what to do... I really do not... I used to cut myself around the last year of school... The bullies found out and even started a rumor about me... Hell, I even tried to slash one of them with scissors too once... I used to have ""sick days"" so I didn't have to go to school... Enough of that though... My main Depression issue would probably be me... I hate everything there is about me.. I hate how I look... I never wanted to be this Guy I was born as... I want to be the Girl I am, and sure.. I know it's changeable, but... When you have no-one to support you... Not even family.. It's tough... I'm shy in real life.. I hate people... I've been broken by so many... All my relationships have been online, and have ended horribly... And hell, it's always guys... Today... I lost my friends... The first couple of friends I found in a long time... People who cared to talk to me, cared about me... Played games with me... Due to a conflict... We're no longer friends... They act as if nothing happened... I got extremely depressed and started cutting myself again... First time in a long time... I just don't know what to do... I hate everything.. I hate everyone... I no longer feel happiness... I am always bored... Always depressed... I'd talk to a professional, but... I hate face to face confrontations... I wouldn't want my family finding out about any of this either... Day after day, I think how easy it would be to just... Die. Living next to a train track has its perks, but... Something inside of me won't let me... I don't know what it is... I just.. I want to be happy... I want to be myself... I want to have friends... Ones who will talk.. Play... Go out to places... I want to find someone who could love me... And I love them... But there's nothing... Nothing at all, and my dark empty hole is only growing larger... I just... I'm too broken to be fixed...",-0.9979,negative,surprised 663,depressed,Will I ever be happy?,listener_1,2,"Hi, Have you considered talking to someone about this? Like a therapist or maybe a support group of like-minded people?",0.7127,positive,suggesting 663,depressed,Will I ever be happy?,speaker,3,"Hm. I have considered it, but will it ever happen? Probably not. I can't really speak to people face to face. I choke. Even if it's something simple as ""Hello.""",-0.6956,negative,embarrassed 664,depressed,I just don't want to deal with this anymore.....,speaker,1,"I've just been so depressed lately. I'm only 22 and I've had chronic depression for 11 years. That's literally half my life. I can't talk to my family and family about it because they already worry about me because of everything that's happened in the past. My family thinks I've been okish for 3 years but I just hid it better. I think I need to go back to a physiologist. Scratch that I know I need to go back but my family just can't afford it right now. I just want to say in bed and never leave. I cried because I had to physically get out of bed to use the bathroom. The only thing that truly gets me out of bed is my two year old lab/blue heeler mix, Maxx (I know what a generic name lol my little sister picked it out. I was going to name him Bartholomay!!!) he's literally my life and I'd do anything for him. He's my best friend and my everything. I just needed t vent so I did it here. I just wish things were easier. ",0.9827,positive,sad 664,depressed,I just don't want to deal with this anymore.....,listener_1,2,Keep going.,0.0,neutral,questioning 664,depressed,I just don't want to deal with this anymore.....,speaker,3,I know and I will it's just hard. ,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 664,depressed,I just don't want to deal with this anymore.....,listener_1,4,"It is hard, and it may yet become even more difficult. But know that you are not alone. And know that somewhere and sometime down the road, you will encounter someone else suffering who you can come along side and let them know that they are not alone in their suffering.",-0.8007,negative,agreeing 664,depressed,I just don't want to deal with this anymore.....,speaker,5,I know. Your words mean a lot. I'm just so tired of it. ,-0.5777,negative,agreeing 665,depressed,I really feel like ending it,speaker,1,"But I can't do it to my dad. He's the only one that has ever really been there for me. The only way I feel like I can do this is after he passes, the only thing keeping g me going is the fact that I don't want him to bury his son. I have a .45 that should work well enough. I just don't know anymore. My will to live is taken down step by step from my wife constantly telling me everything I do is wrong. My manager telling me the same. I sit in the same bullshit traffic everyday for what seems like it's all for nothing. I find it hard to enjoy anything anymore. Masturbation was my go to when my sex life crashed and now even that seems pointless.",0.2885,positive,faithful 665,depressed,I really feel like ending it,listener_1,2,Don't do it,0.0,neutral,questioning 665,depressed,I really feel like ending it,listener_2,3,"I've had this feeling many times as well, but therapists claim that more people you cut off, the worse your depression gets as you get lonelier. OP - does your wife know about your depression? Does your wife know how much she is hurting you? She married you for a reason and I'm sure she doesn't really want to cause you this much pain. Are you able to take a medical leave from work? Do you have a therapist, doctor or anyone else you can talk to? Even a crisis line may be an ear to listen to your problems. ",-0.9904,negative,questioning 666,depressed,I'm just tired,speaker,1,Of all this,0.0,neutral,surprised 666,depressed,I'm just tired,listener_1,2,"Me too. I get you. I'd say ""hang in there"" but I'm not feeling good myself. Life sucks. ",-0.7854,negative,agreeing 666,depressed,I'm just tired,speaker,3,Hope everything is okay for you,0.5859,positive,consoling 666,depressed,I'm just tired,listener_1,4,"Thank you for your concern. Another gigantic boulder that is worse than I have ever faced has emerged, but, I am getting help and still trying. It is getting really difficult though.",-0.1128,negative,caring 667,depressed,"""Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. """,speaker,1,"So, I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since I was 14, I am now 26, and it hasn't gotten better. I had a breakdown a few years ago and I guess as a defense mechanism, my emotions were suppressed, but every now and then, I have a spike of sadness, or anger. Especially when I am really stressed, I start to fall apart. As much as I understand my condition, the feeling of hopelessness is often my downfall. For a few weeks, I've found myself tearing up over little things, and today I got in an argument with my father and punched a whole in the wall in anger but that followed with anxiety of 'Shit, I fucked up, I didn't want to damage the property we are renting, Am I going to get in trouble? How am I going to explain this?' I have tried many ways of treating this bullshit condition but something always happens to derail any progress. Even though I'd never even consider suicide, I do often have intrusive thoughts of wanting to die, wishing I didn't exist, generally negative crap, which I usually deflect by occupying my mind with something else. If anyone has any words or advice they'd like to share, please feel free to do so.",-0.9899,negative,sad 667,depressed,"""Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. """,listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear what you're going through. It's hard, and what your experiencing is going to be different from me. But I do have some words I'd like to share. Maybe it will help. It's a long post, sorry for that. First off, I've also been going through depression on and off since I was 16. And got dramatically worse when I went to university. Got help but it never worked. You name it and I've tried it, from classical therapy with meds to hypnosis. I found talking about my problems never helped with the feelings I had. And just going over and over again with my problems doesn't help. It got to the point where I attempted at few times. The first step I did which I think helped was basically just making a list of things in my life and circling the things that when I thought about it made me sad. Funny since everything made me sad. Haha. (I'm laughing now since it's not the case anymore.) But getting to my point. I took time off from school, and I know you're older (I'm 21) but off work or whatever you do might help. Then I started focusing on what I use to like. Thinking about it was hard since I always thought I was sad and never like anything. But I knew I liked being outside even by myself. So I started volunteering at a local park with maintenance. That helped me a bit. But what really helped for me personally was reading about Buddhism. Now don't take me as some crazy person trying to force you take it up or anything, I'm just sharing what worked for me. And with Buddhism they really address the issues to do with our minds and grasping at things that don't really make us happy. I would definitely look into it. It's comforting to know of something that will guide you and help you view things differently. I also think just reading first off is better than someone telling you since there is less of a judgemental mind around it. I hope this helps! And that you're feeling better! ",0.9879,positive,sympathizing 667,depressed,"""Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. """,speaker,3,"Hey, thanks for this. It's always helpful to get someone else's perspective. I have tried lists, and spirituality, taking breaks, but I'm not very consistent, After so many failures, committing to something is not easy. That's part of the reason why I'm such a pessimist, It's sort of a catch 22.",-0.7953,negative,acknowledging 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,speaker,1,"I can't tell if this is a correct subreddit however my depression is at it's worst, and these I think are connected. I don't know what is wrong with me that I'm rejected in every social corner. I have no friends. No dates. Nothing. Feeling like the third wheel listening to coworkers about their relationships, and having nothing to contribute to the conversation. Maybe another ghosting situation but I don't. I just don't understand what's wrong with me that I'm socially rejected. ",-0.8832,negative,lonely 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,listener_1,2,I'm depressed too. I'll your friend. ,-0.0258,neutral,agreeing 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,speaker,3,*hugs*,0.4939,positive,wishing 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,speaker,4,Not to many from Ohio lol ,0.4215,positive,neutral 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,listener_1,5,This would be impossible to arrange. I'm sure we all live thousands of miles apart. :( if anyone is in Cali I could use a friend. ,0.3818,positive,lonely 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,listener_2,6,South germany here...,0.0,neutral,trusting 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,listener_1,7,Do most Gemans speak English? Is it a mandatory class in German schools?,0.168,positive,questioning 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,speaker,8,Columbus ,0.0,neutral,faithful 668,depressed,I'm not sure but,listener_2,9,Yes you learn it in the first grade when you are 5-7 til you graduate when you 17-19,0.4019,positive,neutral 669,depressed,"""You have such potential""",speaker,1,"I've been slowly hinting at me having pretty bad depression to other people over the past few months. They all try to support me and shit, but they all say the same things. >You have such potential Or something along that line. I don't see how people don't understand that having potential does not mean you are currently happy. They are completely different topics. Having potential, which first of all is a dumb concept (you can't determines someone's future), means that in the future you will do well. Unless happiness comes from success, telling somebody they have potential won't help. The fact is, I don't want to live past the age of 16. I don't even care about my future because I don't think I'll have a future. It's kinda like a trade off, reassurance for suicidal thoughts. Since I don't care about my life either, I would gladly take the suicidal thoughts. And speaking of suicide, what's the ducking point of living? For me, life is just stress, sadness, and regret. I don't like my current state of living, so why not just stop experiencing it by ending my life? I have nothing to live for so why not? I don't see any downsides whatsoever. I haven't posted recently. Sorry for this being very... jumbled ",-0.9784,negative,embarrassed 669,depressed,"""You have such potential""",listener_1,2,"You're alive for a reason and didn't kill yourself yet for a reason. Something's holding you back and you know it. You know there's parts of life that may seem shitty at first and you know nothing stays same. Opportunities come, doors open and everything starts to get a lot better. You have to be optimistic on what the future holds and capitalize on it. Lay down some goals and aspirations and reach for them. Bet you'll be surprised to see what happens from today and when that time comes. ",0.7753,positive,hopeful 669,depressed,"""You have such potential""",speaker,3,"My life's never been ""good"", and I would have expected at least a little change. It hasn't come because of my mental inferiority or handicaps. Why should I expect change to come later? If everything starts to get better, why is the majority of the population in poverty? If everything starts to get better, why are there so many people in their mid 20s posting on this subreddit saying they've been suffering for a long time? There seems to be absolutely no point.",-0.7986,negative,angry 669,depressed,"""You have such potential""",listener_2,4,"I was at a event and one of the guest speakers was Kevin Hines. He is one of only a very few that jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge and lived to tell about it. He said that as soon as his hands left the rails, he was so regretted his decision . He didn't want to die!! After lots of physical therapy and mental help, he said he's doing great. He's in pain alot but says it is what it is. He's married and he travels around speaking, helping others. I have depression also and have days that I just don't want to be alive anymore, what's the point? But what I've found is that I don't want to die, I just want to hurt anymore. Nobody can heal the pain except for me. Find a good self help book if you don't feel like talking with anyone else. I do know what you mean by people saying dumb shit; here's what I've heard - why don't you get a job? or you need to get a hobby or just think happy thoughts...they don't understand depression and they mean well Good luck you 😊",0.9683,positive,proud 670,depressed,How to cope with devastation,speaker,1,"So my life isn't going so well these days and I can't stop thinking of the worst all the time. I even think about resorting to death if that's the only way for me to cure myself. I'm supposed to be in the happiest, confident phase of my life and I made almost zero/mediocre achievements so far. How do you uplift yourself from the dark, lingering darkness? ",0.2568,positive,terrified 671,depressed,I've started a new blog in hope it will help,speaker,1,"I started a blog, to write down my thoughts and feelings about the shit ive been through, in hope talking about it anonymously will help. Anyone else doing similar? I'd happily give anyone's a read if they'd like.",0.9403,positive,caring 671,depressed,I've started a new blog in hope it will help,listener_1,2,Could you link the blog? I think it would be nice to read,0.4215,positive,suggesting 671,depressed,I've started a new blog in hope it will help,speaker,3,https://browneyesgreyskiesblog.wordpress.com/,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 671,depressed,I've started a new blog in hope it will help,speaker,4,https://browneyesgreyskiesblog.wordpress.com/,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 671,depressed,I've started a new blog in hope it will help,speaker,5,https://browneyesgreyskiesblog.wordpress.com/,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 672,depressed,I am Suicidal,speaker,1,This is the only place i can finally confess and get this off my chest. I feel like a large failure and i have a huge problem lying. Tomorrow i could get kicked out of my school which costs half a million cause i had been lazy and now i lied to everybody telling them i passed the semester. I cant handle the fact that im just gonna disappoint someone all over again and i just wanna end it all. I have a girlfriend. So many friends. 2 siblings. And a single parent mom. My dads been abusive. I think this is the last straw and imma worthless human being and its only my fault cause i lied and was really lazy and pit myself in this hole. ,-0.9726,negative,ashamed 672,depressed,I am Suicidal,listener_1,2,"The best thing to do here is to recognise your mistake and work to resolve it. The key now is to sort all the things that have gone wrong. Come clean about the lying most importantly. If you make a point of being entirely truthful in the future, things will be much easier. It's not going to be easy for you in the near future but PLEASE be strong. In all likelihood (and I know this may be hard to believe) in ten years time, you'll be happy and this will be a bad memory but for the time being, you're gonna have to endure some pretty heavy talks. Trust me, you can work through it though. Also, on your point of being a worthless human being, I can tell from what you've written that that isn't true. Worthless people don't care if they disappoint people. Worthless people don't have friends because people don't like them. You've made a mistake, literally everybody makes mistakes. Now is the time for you to sort this one out. It'll be tough but trust me, there are good times beyond this. Send me a private message if you need someone to talk it over with. Stay strong, buddy.",0.8783,positive,hopeful 672,depressed,I am Suicidal,speaker,3,Pleasr if we talk we can help each other ,0.4019,positive,hopeful 673,depressed,Anybody up,speaker,1,It's about 4 am in the Midwest and I cannot sleep. My soon to be x wife is the only thing on my brain and it's depressing as fuck. I cannot seem to shake this crap. Anyone need to talk it wanna listen?,-0.8216,negative,sad 673,depressed,Anybody up,listener_1,2,Here i am ,0.0,neutral,content 673,depressed,Anybody up,listener_2,3,Hi Op! Im in the same boat! Everything lookin like shit and see no light in the end of tunnel. How are hanging in there?,-0.5972,negative,questioning 674,depressed,I feel terrible...,speaker,1,"Hey Reddit, I don't know if anyone will read this. I've already been a lurker on this site so I decided to create an account and just let out my feelings. The reason I feel terrible is because I drank way too much last night and got myself into a bit of bother. What I mean by this is I basically acted like a prick and started a fight with someone (totally out of my character). My hair was pulled, I'm pretty sure I was on the ground at one point (I dunno, I don't really remember it). I feel so terribly bad and I just thought I would come here for advice. Have any of you been through this? I can't sleep, I can't eat. I feel so drained and I hate how I'm like when I'm drunk. I have no excuses, I know it was 100% my fault and I shouldn't drink. The reason I drink is probably to hide my anxiety and deep sadness. In the past I used to self-harm, I've been sucidial, I've tried to take my own life more than a few occasions. I just can't shift this feeling, I feel so guilty, I've cried near enough all day. Anyway, sorry for blabbering on (I'm not the best at expressing myself) have any of you been in my position? What should I do? ",-0.9881,negative,ashamed 674,depressed,I feel terrible...,listener_1,2,"Hello, I have two alcoholic parents so I've tried to stay away from alcohol but I certainly have other vices that are unhealthy - spending money I don't have when I'm down and eating. I want you to know that your post is being read and I have the same feelings about my vices. I want so much to lose weight but keep buying junk food. What helps me sometimes is facing and dealing with my depression and anxiety. Lately I've been going through a depression workbook and seen my dr who discovered that my thyroid levels are low. I've lost 5 lbs since starting the thyroid medication. ",-0.9633,negative,guilty 674,depressed,I feel terrible...,speaker,3,"Thank you for replying to my post! I'm sorry to hear about your parents. My parents were heavy drinkers too, so I know exactly how feel. And congratulations for the weight loss, that's really admirable. I can't shift the guilt feeling. I know I deserve to feel like this because my actions were disgraceful. Thanks again for the reply.",0.9403,positive,sympathizing 674,depressed,I feel terrible...,speaker,4,"I do feel helpless right now, and it is hard to have self-compassion when all I do is feel guilty even when I'm not drinking, I'll blame things on myself. It's a nightmare and it can be really draining. I can search for this article? I'd love to read it. Thank you for being kind and thanks for the great advice, you've helped a lot.",0.9175,positive,grateful 675,depressed,"It's been six or eight months since I left my house for pleasure. And today, when I feel some semblance of normalcy, there's no one left to join me.",speaker,1,I've driven everyone away.,0.0,neutral,guilty 675,depressed,"It's been six or eight months since I left my house for pleasure. And today, when I feel some semblance of normalcy, there's no one left to join me.",listener_1,2,"Don't give up! Do it for the Most important reason, YOURSELF!! I 100% understand and relate to not leaving the house and pushing everyone I care about away. Hell, I moved 1200 miles away from everything I knew and cared about. Make little goals for yourself for the week and celebrate your victories where you have a chance at meeting new people. Just know that you're not permanently broken and destined to be alone. This is your chance to bounce back stronger than ever! I believe in you, send me a message if things get too bad and need to vent. HAVE A GREAT DAY!",0.9418,positive,hopeful 675,depressed,"It's been six or eight months since I left my house for pleasure. And today, when I feel some semblance of normalcy, there's no one left to join me.",speaker,3,Sorry :(,-0.4939,negative,sympathizing 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,speaker,1,"I'm an 18 year old female from Scotland. The thing is I'm constantly putting myself in degrading situations with guys, I really feel as though I'll never settle down and meet someone who actually wants to be with me - mostly cause I keep self sabotaging relationships. I see people my age in happy relationships that they could be in for years???? I feel as though my depression is forcing me to stay alone, how do I get over this???? ",-0.7757,negative,jealous 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,listener_1,2,what do you mean by putting yourself in degrading situations with guys?,-0.5859,negative,questioning 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,speaker,3,"when I'm with a guy, it's a one night stand or a FWB situation and even if I feel uncomfortable with stuff they want to do, I still do it. It makes me feel really gross with myself the next day. ",-0.1179,negative,ashamed 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,listener_1,4,"I'm also 18 and was in the same situation last year. I would do stuff with guys because I liked the attention, but it ended up making me feel worse in the long run. The best thing to do is cut off contact with guys who are only talking to you for your body. It really just makes things more complicated especially when you aren't down for hooking up. Once you stop giving the wrong guys attention, you'll find a guy who really loves you for you. It just takes some time. Also, you're only 18!! Don't pressure yourself to be in a relationship right now. Focus on you and when the time is right you'll find yourself a good guy. Because you said you feel gross, you have to remember to respect your boundaries and your body. Don't push yourself out of your comfort zone just to get some guy's attention. Trust me. Struggling with depression is hard enough, don't allow toxic people into your life. Your depression isn't forcing you to stay alone, but you may need to be alone right now to get better (if that makes sense). Don't blame yourself for ""not being dateable"" because that isn't true. You're just under construction right now, and once you find a way to conquer your depression (whether it be through therapy, meditating, etc) you will then be in the right mindset to start seriously dating.",-0.8502,negative,faithful 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,speaker,5,"God thank you, your message really did strike a nerve. Every time I've been in a relationship, I end it after a week or two cause I can't cope with it!! But it's something I really want in life! Therapy hasn't worked for me but I'm trying again, I really feel there is a root of all these problems that I need to get to. & you're right about the 'attention' part of it all. Can I ask how you got out of this situation? Was it from, as you said, cutting the guys off and focusing on yourself? ",-0.5769,negative,agreeing 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,listener_1,6,"No problem!! I completely get what you're going through and it sucks. But that's exactly how I am! Anytime I talk to a new guy I'm scared to actually give him a chance because of my trust issues. And yes I got myself out of it by cutting the guys off and focusing on myself and my hobbies. It felt really good, even though I wasn't getting as much attention or whatever, it was nice knowing that everyone I was talking to genuinely wanted to talk to me you know? Like I didn't have to worry about guys only wanting to get in my pants because if any guy tried that, I would just block them or ignore them. I agree with finding the root to the problem with therapy though, it helps to have someone to vent to. Honestly, even just talking to a friend about everything could help!! Is there anything that happened that made it hard for you to cope with relationships?",0.9833,positive,trusting 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,speaker,7,"ahh yes! Only my real problem is, when a new guy starts talking me I'm too scared to actually settle into a relationship, I just want to have sex or whatever. But it makes me hate myself - it's a really destructive cycle. I guess I'm just feeling extremely sorry for myself today cause I've never talked about this before haha. It's really great that you were able to do that though - focus on making yourself happy. & mostly just things that happened in childhood but not until now I've actually realised how bad it's affected me.. Life is hard lol. ",-0.1609,negative,neutral 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,listener_1,8,"Life is so hard!! Especially at this age lol. You just have to remind yourself that you want a long term relationship, anytime you catch yourself wanting to just hook up with someone remember that it only ends with you feeling down about yourself. Its easier said than done, I still have moments where I slip up of course but it's gotten a little bit better. Surround yourself with good friends who want to see you better yourself, last year I was also caught up in the wrong crowd and it definitely influenced my choices a lot. If you ever want to vent or rant about anything feel free to PM me!! I can try to help in anyway that I can :)",0.984,positive,lonely 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,speaker,9,"That was the best reply I could've asked for really! So thank you a lot really didn't expect such good advice, you really seem like a good person so I hope everything works out for you lol!!! I'll really be taking your advice to heart so know you've helped someone out there in the world! ",0.9733,positive,encouraging 676,depressed,What's wrong with me???,listener_1,10,"Thank you!! I'm so glad I could help, I really hope everything gets better for you as well!",0.9527,positive,encouraging 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,speaker,1,Well the title says enough. My mom is ALWAYS yelling at me. Every single day. I'm already depressed and have bad anxiety and her yelling at me just makes me feel even more depressed. I don't know what to do at all. I told her she's always yelling at me even when i'm not doing anything wrong and asked her to stop but she just told me she wasn't and that i was lying. I feel fucking helpless. ,-0.9367,negative,angry 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,listener_1,2,Dude I don't know what to say. My mothers the same even though I moved away from her. All you can do is keep trying to explain to her how it makes you feel and try not to take what she says to heart. ,0.6369,positive,sentimental 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,speaker,3,I've tried not to take anything she does or says to heart but she always gets to me one way or another. I can't do this. ,0.3818,positive,angry 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,listener_1,4,"You can :) You're always welcome to message me and rant about your mum. Once you grow up, move out and get yourself a career. Your mother will seem so insignificant:) Trust me. Maybe put some headphones in and ignore her? I used to always read and just block her out. Soon enough she got the message I wasn't interested in her tantrums.",-0.6244,negative,annoyed 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,speaker,5,I will try to. Thank you for responding so kindly. If i feel like ranting i will message you if that's ok. ,0.8449,positive,sympathizing 677,depressed,My mother always yells at me,listener_1,6,That's perfectly fine :),0.8402,positive,agreeing 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,speaker,1,"I've become completely alone, I have no one to talk to. I'm a uni student and my whole routine is going to uni, coming back and staring at my laptop. Even if I go to McDonald's or Starbucks, then I sit there and do an assignment or something. If there's ever a break, I'm usually found alone in the corner somewhere looking around. I've tried to make friends and I try to be there for them but they leave me and go to their other friends. However, if they need anything, get into trouble or are upset they come to me but they always leave as soon as their purpose is over. If I ever need to talk then no one is there for me. I feel like I'm completely isolated now, my classmates ignore me too. I don't know who to talk to, it's become very silent. I'm trying to be nice and as helpful as I can but I feel everyone is just using me. I see everyone around me laughing and having a good time and I hear them talking about the good times with their friends and that hurts me even more. I don't know what to do",0.8783,positive,lonely 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,listener_1,2,I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this... I don't really have any helpful advice but I just wanted you to know you aren't alone. I've certainly been there before... I can try to help though... Do you commute to campus?,0.5915,positive,sympathizing 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,speaker,3,"yes, i take the uni bus. how did you deal with this?",0.4019,positive,questioning 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,listener_1,4,"Tbh I sort of got lucky. But I put myself in a position to be available to make friends, that's not to say that you aren't or haven't. I would suggest not leaving campus right away, if you can. It is very hard as a commuter... Study on campus. Also try joining a program/club. Most unis have a commuter group of some sort. Open study groups are great too.",0.8889,positive,grateful 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,speaker,5,"Hopefully, I'll get lucky too. Thank you",0.7906,positive,encouraging 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,speaker,6,"It is very tiring, I'll try online games. Thank you",0.3612,positive,wishing 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,speaker,7,"Thank you, I really hope I find friends",0.8313,positive,encouraging 678,depressed,I feel completely alone. What can I do?,listener_1,8,You're welcome! Good luck! And don't give up. The right people just haven't come along. They will!,0.8682,positive,wishing 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,speaker,1,Hello. I'm depresssed. Tired. Confused. Lonely. Heartbroken. I just want to talk to someone. There's so much going on and I need to get it off my chest. Thank you for your time.,-0.8481,negative,lonely 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,listener_1,2,What's up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,speaker,3,"Hey, thanks for replying. I've just been feeling very lost and confused lately, unsure of my future and where I stand. I keep comparing myself to others. It's like, in my mind, everyone else has found their place, but I have no idea who I am.",-0.4457,negative,jealous 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,listener_1,4,"I know how you feel, but you've got to just take it slow and enjoy the present and not look to far into the future and eventually you'll find your place too, don't worry about where your going just try and enjoy yourself and make the most out of where you are right now ",0.9137,positive,agreeing 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,speaker,5,You're right. It's just hard to stay positive. Thanks for the support,0.8316,positive,agreeing 679,depressed,Want someone to talk to,speaker,6,"Thank you! I'm still struggling, but your message made me a lot happier. :) I really appreciate it!",0.9328,positive,grateful 680,depressed,I don't love myself,speaker,1,"In fact, I hate myself. Could this be due to depression? I've always had low self esteem, for as long as I can remember. In my head, everyone is always better than me, even if they really aren't. I can get to that point where I say ""okay I'm not that bad"" but then it goes away and I continue to hate myself. How do I fix this? It's a huge problem because I'm becoming overly attached and dependent on my friends and family. Recently, I haven't been able to get out of bed because I don't want to live. Even more recently, I've gotten back into treatment and I can force myself out of bed, eventually. I desperately want to be loved by someone who will stick by me and tell me everything's going to be okay. I want love, but how can I expect to receive it when I can't even love myself? Life is so hard right now and I'm honestly not looking forward to my future (even tomorrow) because I feel as if it will just be filled with disappointment and mediocrity. Has anyone experienced this? Is this a normal part of being depressed? Will this ever go away? I'm so miserable...how can I get out of this?",-0.7113,negative,ashamed 681,depressed,life is just ugh.....😞,speaker,1,"After being on earth in such a torterous place for 17 years you would expect to find things that make you the least bit happy in life .nope that is not the case , not even a little bit . The world is a fucked up place that keeps spinning no matter the circumstances . My brain wonders to so many different places in one instant . One moment I'm fine , the next I'm angry , after that it's contemplating and pondering on the choice of suicide like it's an option to resort to for every little hurt . Tomorrow I have to present in school in front of a bunch of people that make me want to end it all just so I can be alone content and happy with what us left of me. though I have been seeing a therapist for a while now we never really got down to any real issues with me feeling like I was selfish if I were to express every little depressing thought that runs through my messed up head . I don't know what's wrong with me. I fall for guys so easily . I get to thinking in my head when they approach me in the most subtle ways how they could be my one and only . What is that even ,just a mirage of the past and what generations used to seek . I feel like I'm stuck in the wrong era , I will never be one of the girls who gets excited over a highlighter that brighten cheek bones or fake lashes . I'm awkward and always will be and primarily I am content with that . Why cant the world be . I feel like I need an outlet . So far music is my drug but I fear for my safety out in this world because I do not trust myself with unlimited freedom . For anybody reading this I hope you can grasp what I am trying to say . Final thoughts : I wish I could retire and live peacefully at only 17 .",0.9207,positive,angry 681,depressed,life is just ugh.....😞,listener_1,2,"I understand, what you are going through is hard to live with. Sorry, can't give a good advice, since I still haven't got out of it myself, there is just barely anything that makes me feel even a little bit better. But with the little hope which is still left in me, I believe it won't be like this forever, so I don't give up, no matter how much it hurts, how much I want it. I guess one thing that kinda helps me is relating to others, seeing that I am not alone, so thank you for your post.",0.7290000000000001,positive,faithful 681,depressed,life is just ugh.....😞,speaker,3,"@Jakas754 Thank you for even reading this and deciding to comment . It's so hard when people say things like you're a teenager you shouldn't be depressed you have nothing to worry about . What they don't understand is that it's much more than just being a certain age . Stress comes with everything . I'm so grateful to even have one friend that understands it all . You just made me feel like giving up is not an option from what you said , thank you for that also ",0.9638,positive,grateful 681,depressed,life is just ugh.....😞,speaker,4,"Dear @patricksander , Thank you so much . I am so sorry for this late reply , my extended family happens to be visiting right now . Not to sound cliche at all but this touches my soul . Thank you for sharing your experiences with me and sharing that part of your life . You are so awesome for being proactive about your life . Im sorry that you ever had to experience being depressed and being on drugs as a teen . Life is hard but it's sites like this that give you the opportunity to express your feelings and relate with others like you stated earlier . Thank you so much once again . ",0.9859,positive,sympathizing 682,depressed,Does depression come in big tidal waves?,speaker,1,"Around 2 months ago I felt decent - not sad but not happy, just content. No paranoia or awkwardness just being 'normal'. Skip forward to now and I'm constantly just flat, no emotion registering in me at all other than deep self loathing and a wish for it all to be over. Paranoid that my friends don't want to be friends anymore and a general apathetic outlook on life that, to be honest, at the moment I don't really feel like continuing. I cannot see reason behind and actions I take. I don't see any long term benefit for anything I do, or the short term too for that. Does it come in waves? Will this get 'better'? ",0.8664,positive,lonely 682,depressed,Does depression come in big tidal waves?,listener_1,2,"From my own experience, as well as the experience of my family members, it does come in waves.",0.2732,positive,agreeing 682,depressed,Does depression come in big tidal waves?,speaker,3,"How and when did you talk to them about it? I'm seeing all of mine tomorrow but honestly I feel like they don't want me to go. I'm coming over from my hometown to my University town for a music event, but I feel like just telling them I'm not coming because I feel like a hinderance to their day.",0.9248,positive,questioning 682,depressed,Does depression come in big tidal waves?,listener_2,4,I just blurted it out on the phone to one after a good counselling sesh and since then have mentioned it to other friends. I don't know what came over me but i felt like maybe i needed to know if they were only friends with me out of obligation. Sorry I can't give any good advice on that really. If they know you are down maybe you could message them? ,0.7809,positive,embarrassed 683,depressed,What if no one eve loves me,speaker,1,"Im 17 and I have absoulutly no romantic/sexual experience what so ever. Ever since Ive known myself no one ever fell in love with me, liked me romantically or wanted me. Ive reached the conclusion that I am just completly unloveable. My friends get hit on all the time and everyone falls in love with them while Im just an invinsable, unoticeable, worthless girl. No one even looks at me or wants to get to know me and this makes me so so so depressed. I know Im supposed to have my own confidence but how can I when I feel like I have nothing to be confident about. Everyone is better than me at everything, especially my friends,and no one is capable of loving me. I cry myself to sleep almost every night because I just want someone to love me, to think I worth sometning even though I am not. Im not even looking for a relationship, even if somene just hits on me its fine, I just need a sign that someone sees me, knows Im here. On one hand I feel like I live in the shadow of my my best friend, on the other hand Im also afraid to find out that without her Im even more invisavle, boring, useless.. I dont even know why Im posting this or if I actually want a reply I just needed to get this off of my chest. Thank you to anyone who chose to read this P.s. sorry for my bad english its not my first language. ",0.9838,positive,lonely 684,depressed,What can you do?,speaker,1,"It's been with me like a ball and chain. It's been dragging on for so long, that I've grown to know myself as part of it. It has consumed me for so long, forever fostering resentment in my heart. I feel alone, even in a full room. I feel sad, even when I'm smiling. I feel cold, even when surrounded by people who would share their warmth. I'm alone, in a world full of everyone else. I've loved, and lost, and loved, and lost again. Time after time, I've tried to convince myself that I'm worth something, that I'm not a piece of shit that could never amount to anything. I've gone through phases of self-empowerment and recovery, only to fall again into despair. I do not know how to fight this feeling, though in the back of my mind, all I could think of is to break free. I lie, I succumb to temptations, I have impulses I can't control. I'm tired, I get fed up, I lose my senses. I guess that makes me human, but if humanity means to fall at every turn, to crash and then to burn, make me nothing remotely close to human.",0.1319,positive,lonely 684,depressed,What can you do?,listener_1,2,I think for me a lot of what helped was getting over these ideas I had of what MY life should look like. I stepped back and tried to move forward without expectations on myself and what I thought the course of my life was suppose to be. Once I didn't have the expectation's I felt I had choice and control which I later found was a lot of what was driving my depression. Hope it helps and if you need to chat pm me any time.,0.5106,positive,trusting 684,depressed,What can you do?,speaker,3,"Thank you for your comment. I guess it all starts there. Once we give up control, we start gaining it. I don't know. I'm still in a haze, but I know this too, shall pass.",0.3919,positive,grateful 685,depressed,"In college, feeling useless",speaker,1,"I don't know if this subreddit is for things like this, and I'm sure that if it is there are people in much worse places than me, but I wanted to say some things anyway. I'm 19, turning 20 next month. I am going into my Junior year of college, although I'm not really sure if I will actually be considered a junior given all the classes I failed or just dropped. I am a Computer Science student who doesn't really have any passion for what I'm doing. I basically have always liked using the computer and was always pretty good at Math so I thought it's the logical thing to do. Except at this point, I have absolutely no motivation to study, or do anything really. I could give more details, but I'm afraid I'll lose you if I do that, so I'll try to be to the point. I, like many others, have no clue what I wanna do with my life. I feel like I'm letting my parents down, because they have always worked hard to give me everything, and they did, and now I'm throwing it all away for absolutely no reason. And I can't bring myself to actually change. I can watch a Youtube video and be inspired for a good 3 minutes before I lie back down and do nothing. I have never been very communicative about my feelings, although I can't figure out if it is because I am scared, or just ashamed. But apples and oranges I guess. I would love to be able to talk to my mom about this but she is out of the country since my grandma is very sick, and I can't just throw more shit her way like that. That is also the same reason why I don't commit suicide, I would never be selfish like that, even though I would be lying if I said I haven't thought about it. Wow, I guess that wasn't exactly to the point. Thank you for reading if you actually got this far. Sorry if there are grammatical errors or if something just doesn't sound consistent, I tried to just write as the thoughts came to my head",0.8246,positive,apprehensive 685,depressed,"In college, feeling useless",listener_1,2,"I know what it means to have a loving family but still feel awful for no real reason. All you can do is find something that keeps your mind occupied with different thoughts (for me its drawing). Just try out different activities, even if you don't see the point and lack passion. Becoming good at something new will make you feel better. ",0.6597,positive,disappointed 685,depressed,"In college, feeling useless",speaker,3,"Well with me I have hobbies. I play video games, I like basketball and soccer, I recently tried learning how to play the piano because somebody once told me (meme) that new hobbies would help finding meaning and all that. And while I enjoy playing, it feels like all these things I do are just distractions, like I am not doing what I am supposed to be doing you know. It's like I hate not being productive but I lack the motivation to do anything about it so I just get more and more down ",0.8225,positive,ashamed 685,depressed,"In college, feeling useless",speaker,4,Because I don't have a passion. It's just what I thought I'd be good in,0.1078,positive,apprehensive 686,depressed,The Internet has destroyed my life,speaker,1,"I'm 23 years of age. And I've been suffering from internet addiction since I was 15. It started from playing online games, to watching YouTube videos, to socializing, to web development and web design. then I no longer going on to school, stopped talking to my true friends and stopped get out my home. now I no longer have any friends I came here because I don't know who else to talk to about it, I tried to explain that to my parents but I can't. I feel like I haven't lived my teenage/young life or like I'm at 15 and i just woke up find myself at 23. I do not have special memories of my teenage life. I haven't experienced the parties, dating, love, enjoying, etc I spent most of my time in front of the computer now I am really remorseful. whenever i think about it my eyes shed tears now I shy guy who don't know how make friends how start a conversation with a people and I always daydreaming about another life where everything is right I just want to get new chance to back to school and lived my teenage/young life but it's too late.",0.8369,positive,lonely 686,depressed,The Internet has destroyed my life,listener_1,2,"It is never late to start changing yourself. Why not think the past as a lesson and learn from it. You said you did some web development , noe that's a start ...leveraging on it and enhance your skills. There are tons of people who are shy and cannot make friends , including myself and its okay you can start now ... one step at a time . you might fail 10 times but if you learn from then you will succeed 11 the time. ",0.3011,positive,agreeing 686,depressed,The Internet has destroyed my life,listener_2,3,"The reason I say to change the way you look is because you're obviously not happy with who you are right now, so if you change your outer appearance, your subconscious will start to take note and accept and start to change as well.. You need to realize humans are basically advanced computers and everything that makes you ""you"" has been programmed into your mind from all the past experiences and encounters you went through. So add more experiences and counters, and your mind will work its magic, coming up with different ideas, and different ways of doing things, because it has more data and information to pull from. ",0.4023,positive,agreeing 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,speaker,1,I really don't know why I'm posting this but I just can't hold this shit in anymore for some context I'm M-16 still in high school with zero friends and zero confidence. I'm failing most of my classes sadly I wanna do better but I don't know what's happening ever since I've been in high school I feel like my life is just going no where I used to be a active and friendly kid but idk how to explain it but it felt like I was hit with a brick wall of just mixed emotions and I guess this is when I realized I have somthing wrong with me I found my self always never talking to my old friends and cutting my self off from people and becoming a huge loner that feels like my daily life is the same wake up stay home play video games till bored and sleep and repeat I don't know what's happening and I can't find out how to get out of this cycle that's fucking me up so bad. H Help would be nice sorry if this dose not make sense very tired and can't sleep ty for reading if u did.,0.6391,positive,ashamed 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,listener_1,2,Wanna chat I've been there but I'm only 19 talking to your parents might help ,0.5499,positive,suggesting 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,speaker,3,"Thanks , I have tried multiple times but they say it's just a phase I'm going threw but this phase isn't going away.",0.2382,positive,neutral 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,listener_1,4,"I can't give you an answer how because I don't know you but try to get help a psychiatrist is a good start maybe even try exercising before you play. Remember to gracefully accept who you are currently and where u want to go in the future and try working towards that goal. Sit down and list everything u can do right now to get closer to that goal. Try creating your goals for the next couple weeks and trying really hard to meet them even if you can't, remember what your future holds.",0.967,positive,suggesting 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,listener_1,5,This part of your life may take a long time to adjust and to be truthful it will be one you must change yourself.,0.4588,positive,neutral 687,depressed,Dying on the inside,speaker,6,I'm exactly like that like i used to do so much now I'm just lonely and can't really make new friends I've tried here and there but all the people Ik are pretty much a holes ,0.8037,positive,lonely 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,1," I'm 24, I've sufferered from depression my whole life and I just can't bare to be in pain anymore, it has gotten to the point where I walked away from my job and have completely left my friends, family and girlfriend because I'm on the verge of making that final step. I've been on medication my whole life and therapy but nothing has helped! I just don't want to be in pain anymore and just want everything to end! ",-0.8039,negative,devastated 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_1,2,"It's really sad to me to see so little support in a place filled with fellow suffering people. I'm so sorry for the pain you've had to endure and I hope it eases. There are times where I feel like taking the same road as you're considering now. The only thing I can say is that the future offers the possibility for change, it may be that things won't get better but the possibility always exists that it will the future always holds a glimmer of hope my friend. The choice to take your own life is yours, it may be the only 'real' choice you have in this life but if you decide to stay and need someone to talk to I'm here for you.",0.7828,positive,caring 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,3,"I try to look to the future and think of the endless possibilities but when your down in this dark place since 7 years old and you've had to endure through the traumatic experiences since then, it's hard to see a glimmer of hope when from an early age all you've felt is pain and sadness. I've tried thinking of good times in my life but there hasn't been any. I've learnt to fake joy and happiness to hide the broken and damaged side of me.",-0.8847,negative,sad 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_1,4,"I can understand what you're going through in a limited way because I have had similar struggles. No one can know exactly what you feel though. The exact nature of what causes this terrible disease is still largely unknown, as is a way to cure or even treat it very effectively. The reason I say that you never know what the future will bring is because someday there may be an end to the suffering outside of taking you own life, as the nature of the problem is understood better drugs and treatment become available there is some small hope in that at least.",-0.5158,negative,hopeful 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,5,I can respect that view that we don't know what the future can hold but it feels like I've waited long enough and just letting go seems like the best option.,0.9366,positive,trusting 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,6,"I know it's never going to go away it's been a part of my life but it has stopped me from achieving anything or prolonging long meaningful relationships, when I'm at my lowest point I usually exercise or just try and keep myself preoccupied but everything I've tried doesn't suffice. There comes a point where you hit absolute bottom and there only is one option left.",-0.4215,negative,sad 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_2,7,"I felt that way too. I decided not to do it, and very slowly I started having brief moments of relief, then peace, then even some purpose/enthusiasm in studying or meeting a new girl. I can't tell you it's gonna get better enough to be worth living, but I can tell you it's eventually gonna get a bit better than ""absolute bottom"". How's your diet, sleep and D3 levels?",0.8608,positive,questioning 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,8,"Yeah I don't drink alcohol or smoke and I'm keeping to a diet, I sleep well 6-8 hours a night, all my levels are normal, perhaps I may find a peaceful mindset but when you've been waiting for over 14 years you just don't see a future.",0.5023,positive,hopeful 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_2,9,"You never see a future. That's the whole point of it. Like falling into an abyss: at some point you no longer fear the fall, it fosters relief. But the darkness has been there the whole time. What about the first 10 years? Can you recall anything nice in your childhood?",0.6456,positive,questioning 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,10,"From when I was 7 I suffered abuse for several years and since then I couldn't see any happiness, I repressed it for years then had a mental breakdown and tried killing myself multiple times but I was either found in time or caught so I haven't had much happy memories ",-0.9187,negative,afraid 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_2,11,Sorry to hear that. Child abuse is despicable.,-0.6705,negative,sympathizing 688,depressed,Depression & the end,speaker,12,"Yeah it takes away trust towards people, it makes you push people away that do care about you and you lose the innocence, I grew up too quick and with my depression and anxiety I can't have a normal life so I hide away and of course with this type of mindset and condition it is always better to socialise but I can't. Talking here is different since no one here knows who I am and having that security makes me feel abit more open about discussing a problem I've had my whole life. Perhaps maybe it's like unfinished business in a way.",0.3738,positive,trusting 688,depressed,Depression & the end,listener_2,13,"Sure trust helps, but it's not required for a good friendship. Therapy is better for that.",0.9446,positive,neutral 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",speaker,1,"My girlfriend and I have been together for 4 years now. She's 22 and I'm 27. We have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. Life has pretty much been a daily routine. We have our occasional vacations, go out to eat, try new things here and there. Just this year she started acting differently, she's always on her phone. She always has a temper, always getting mad a me, doesn't acknowledge me one bit. While at work she doesn't say a word to me, she used to text me all the time. Telling me she loves me, she misses me, etc. She finally came out a couple months ago and tells me that she has a job interview... 1,200 miles away. She wants to move out there, get settled then come back for my daughter. At this point she just starts telling me that she doesn't love me, or want to be with me anymore. She finally flew out on Thursday, had her interview yesterday. She didn't get the job. She comes back tomorrow. She just told me that she still plans on moving over there even though she didn't get the job. That she is gonna come back get my daughter and leave... I'm so depressed. I don't know what to do. I have tried over and over again to talk to her. To try to work things out, and nothing...",-0.4517,negative,angry 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",listener_1,2,You can get a lawyer and get at least 50/50 custody. ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",speaker,3,Very true. Thank you. Just the thought of her being so far away is painful. It might come down to that though.,0.4536,positive,agreeing 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",speaker,4,Thanks. Currently not seeing anyone. Really hoping I can work something out with her. I just need my daughter in my life. Her mom can leave and never look back. I really don't care much for her because of what she told me and how she treats me.,0.4379,positive,trusting 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",speaker,5,"Thanks for your kind words. I'm definitely gonna be looking at some legal options. She has nothing against me, I'm a great father. I have never done anything to hurt either of them. I'm pretty much playing it day by day at this moment. She got back this morning and is acting like she didn't say anything. She loves to make all these threats by text message and never wants to talk about it face to face. I'm gonna try and sit down with her when she isn't in a grumpy mood and have a long serious talk with her. I can't keep playing these games. These feelings are killing me. I try not to show it but I can only take so much.",0.7314,positive,trusting 689,depressed,"Girlfriend wants to move 1,200 miles away with my daughter. I've been so depressed for the last few months with no one to talk to.",speaker,6,Yeah that's true. I can't even imagine that. Being so far away from her... Thank you I am gonna start looking at my options.,0.7579,positive,agreeing 690,depressed,Feeling weighed down lately,speaker,1,"I have so much in my life right now that I should be excited about. And I AM so thankful to finally be where I'm at. I've been waiting for almost a year to be here, I have a dream job, I'm basically doing exactly what I want to do for the next few years. But I am depressed and I really haven't been for a few years now. Little spells now and then, but nothing this lasting. I have mean? awful thoughts about myself and how I look. That I'm stupid, not worthy, not lovable, ugly, etc. I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and I hate that I've gained so much weight over the last 3 years (about 40 lbs). I don't like looking in the mirror, I don't feel like I laugh very often. Not genuinely anyway. I recently cut my hair really short and while I know it looks good, I miss my long hair. I feel like now I just look like a fat, ugly boy. I wish I could be girly again and curl my hair. It took me 2.5 years to grow it out and then it's just all gone. And of course there's relationship issues on top of all of it. There's someone I broke up with and I shouldn't have and its all fucked up. I don't know how to tell my friends, but I feel myself withdrawing. I'm crying all the time and I'm irritable and I generally just want to be left alone. I hate this and I don't know what to do except fight it. And I don't really want to. It's so easy to just fall into the hole.",-0.9787,negative,content 690,depressed,Feeling weighed down lately,listener_1,2,"There are many things outside of your control, but your diet is one of the few things that aren't. 40 lbs of excess weight is an absurd amount. You consumed around 140000 extra calories for that. It plays a huge role in your appearance and health (both physical and mental). It's not in your head. You can't expect to neglect basic health care and keep depression under control. ",0.7858,positive,ashamed 690,depressed,Feeling weighed down lately,speaker,3,Ok cool. So do you have any real advice other than reminding me of the absurd amount of weight I've gained?,0.7269,positive,questioning 690,depressed,Feeling weighed down lately,listener_1,4,Yes. I gave you 2.,0.4019,positive,neutral 690,depressed,Feeling weighed down lately,speaker,5,"K. Thanks buddy, you're a real fuckin' life saver.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 691,depressed,Nothing important just depressing life oh well,speaker,1,"Life sucks life is not fair. If I could I would feel nothing that's the truth and I don't care. Yeah I can't hardly take this anymore. I just wanna mix prescriptions with decisions. I'm so sick of being tired I'm so tired of being sick. I am broken. I wanna admit things but I can't it hurts if I do it'll become reality. Ive been bruised badly in my life and it's all my fault. It's all my fault. I'm sorry I've failed. I'm just can't anymore. I used to self harm all the time I just can't take it. Life is amazing and fun! Lies. Only some days but I try. Its the end of the school year and I don't care. I wanna cut I wanna rip my stomach my thighs my sides me wrists me forearms and shoulders. I just cant. I want to but I cant. You know Ive tried to be better. Life is just killer. I am still in love with the boy who was the worst ever to me. When I was 13 or 14 I met this boy online. His a name Sam. He lived on the other side of the country. He was amazing. I fellfell for him but he wanted my best friend then he manipulated her into hating me. I lost my girl my best friend my sister my everything she knew everything about me deep down to the core. Life's cold and not fair. I lost her. For the summer. He stayed my friend and left her. He ""helped"" me I was super depressed. He became depressed around my bday. Then 2 DAYS after my bday he said he wanted to kill himself jump off the roof. I said words and I meant them sarcastically but he jumped. He didn't answer for a week. He told me he was in the hospital. For trying to kill himself. it BROKE me!! I hated myself more than ever. He ""recovered"" and stopped talking to me 2-3 months later. I asked his friend what happened. His friend told me the truth. Sam never attempted suicide. He did it as a joke to fuck with me. He laughed and thought it was a joke how easy it was to manipulate me. I broke further and further. Then I met ""Alex"" he was amazing. I fell hard. Then I found out he wasn't ""alex"" he was ""Tyler"" and nope not Tyler later. He was ""Xander"" I was like boy this is the last time. He was like fine I'm so sorry I love you so much. You're everything. He lived in Texas a couple states from me. I trusted him I was like I'm broken you're broken last chance. Then he told me the truth and he is actually ""Sebastian"" I stayed. Obviously cuz being in a abusive horribly made relationship should be the right choice. I loved him. I still love him. It's wrong. He told me he had schizophrenia. He was depressed suicidal self harmer. So was i. I loved him I did so much. He sent me a Christmas box. I still have that sweatshirt he sent me. Still fit amazing. I love him. I would give him everything to make him happy. He broke up with me last January. I'm still broken. He got with a girl 3 weeks after dumping me. He told me he wanted to fix himself so he could treat me better. I should hate him. I dont. I love him. I miss him. I would gI've almost everything to go back to our happy love moments we did have occasionally. I tried to meet him in Texas before I flew to where I moved to. I drove more than 2 states to go see him . And his family had an ""accident"" and he couldn't come. I feel like shit. I was pissed but worried and sad for him. I should've known. I am a piece of ducking shit. I loved a piece of shit. But I can't help it. My heart it hurts. I haven't told anyone I love them now. I don't know if I love anymore. The boys I've dated. I definitely don't love them. I need notes on how to live. Youll never know me or my name I'm fine. I'll be fine. I know no one will ever read this and it's okay. I just wanted to talk it out. I have met this boy. He seems amazing. He's broken too. He's always been cheated on. I wanna be the best for him. We've been talking for almost a month. It's been 21 days. I had a break down and he fell asleep on me. And I feel like the worst person ever. I shouldn't ever have done anything. He probably hates me. I'm being melodramatic I'm sorry. I don't think I love him but I want to. I wanna love I want him to love me. But he's not obsessed with me. He's busy all the time and he says he misses me a lot and he texted me a cute good morning text the other day I just can't handle myself. I don't deserve anyone. I wanna be the best but it's hard I cant. :'( I'm sorry thank you. Goodnight from your neighborhood depressed piece of shit. BTW thanks for reading all this. All details gave been shortened. I appreciate you reading all of this ♡ bye. ",0.9686,positive,sad 691,depressed,Nothing important just depressing life oh well,listener_1,2,Hi how are you? :),0.4588,positive,questioning 691,depressed,Nothing important just depressing life oh well,speaker,3,I'm okay. How are you? ,0.2263,positive,questioning 692,depressed,Hard to get out of bed,speaker,1,"Feeling like a failure this morning because I struggle to get out of bed and start my day. I'm Meant to be at school but it is too emotionally draining for me to socialise right now. I hate missing out on school because people forget I exist and then when I come back, no one really puts the effort in to talk to me. I also feel out of place and that I don't belong so going to school is always a hard option to make. But I do want to graduate and I do want to do well. I'm letting myself have this one day off and then I'm back to it ",-0.8968,negative,sad 692,depressed,Hard to get out of bed,listener_1,2,My mother tells me to take it one minute at a time. Sometimes I can't handle a whole day. That's okay. What's something that makes you happy that you can do right now? Do it. You deserve happiness. Every human does. Let yourself enjoy a moment or two or more. You deserve that. Every human does. (Side note joke) What did the hamburger name its' daughter? Patty. You're not a failure. I hope this minute has been a good one. ,0.97,positive,proud 692,depressed,Hard to get out of bed,speaker,3,I appreciate your comment. Thank you for your kind words. They have made my morning ,0.8225,positive,grateful 693,depressed,My Life Question,speaker,1,"I am still a very young person who has yet to experience most of life but I have a question directed towards older people. My question is, how can even through rough times can you still find joy in life? I'm saying this like you lose all of your money but you still choose to continue life on the side of the street looking for a job, being shunned by everyone that walks by you, yet you still continue life finding joy in many moments. Or just, how can you live for such a long time dealing with the pain of getting old and dealing with bills and taxes and work. ",0.8027,positive,surprised 693,depressed,My Life Question,listener_1,2,"I don't know if this may help, but honestly there is no definitive answer to this. I'm 21. For most of my life I was constantly bullied to the point where I hated everyone and anything with a pulse. Even myself. All because I have cerebral palsy and walk with a small limp. However, and I know this may sound cliche, but you just have to grit your teeth, raise you head up high and walk through it all. There is always bad stuff in life, a lot of bad stuff. Just remember there is only room for one in a casket. Never heard of a bunk bed casket before.So why not just live it up for yourself. I like to go to the gym and box a few rounds when life gets me down. Everyone has something they like when they are sad. The sun always shine brighter after a bad thunderstorm, feel me? Keep your head up. ",-0.9678,negative,faithful 693,depressed,My Life Question,speaker,3,"Thanks for the advice. I will try to follow what you said. Once again, thanks man.",0.7003,positive,neutral 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,speaker,1,"I don't know why I'm writing this or what I hope to accomplish by doing so but I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to die but I honestly just don't think I can ever be really happy in the world we live in today. I feel really hopeless, I'm too different and too sensitive. I get so upset about things no one else cares about, I'm just constantly miserable and no one even seems to notice or care. I have absolutely no one to really talk to or who tries to understand me in the slightest. I just feel like an obnoxious burden who doesn't fit in anywhere. People love me I guess, but they don't really know me fully so how could they really, truly love me? They love parts of me, the fun, manageable ones. But that's only a small portion. I'm pretty much anxious and depressed 90% of the time at least, just hating myself and hating the world. Even if I mention it to someone that I'm feeling really depressed, no one really seems to care or anything. I know I can't just expect people to fix everything and I have to take some responsibility, and I do. I'm really struggling to feel like my life is worth anything. I feel like I just mess everything up and just suck up everyone's energy and resources. I feel like I'm just wasting my parents money at university going to school for something I seem to have lost my inspiration for. I can't even manage to be a good student and I don't even have any other obligations. Every time I wake up with a refreshed outlook on life and a new stock of hope, it just gets crushed. I'm alone. That's that, no one understands me or even cares to. I'm just abnormal and damaged beyond repair. I'm getting more overwhelmed by the day and I don't know if I can take it much longer ",0.9149,positive,sad 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,listener_1,2,"Raises glass in acknowledgement* Welcome, to anxiety. ",0.3182,positive,wishing 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,speaker,3,"Oh me and anxiety are well acquainted, thanks ",0.5106,positive,agreeing 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,speaker,4,23,0.0,neutral,prepared 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,speaker,5,"Ironic as it may sound, I'm a psychology major ",-0.128,negative,surprised 694,depressed,I doubt anyone will read this,speaker,6,"All I'm working towards a phd to be a clinical psychologist, maybe a forensic pathologist I have like two or less years til I finish my bachelors ",0.3612,positive,hopeful 695,depressed,How could I be happy if nobody is happy with me?,speaker,1,And why would I want to live on?,0.0772,positive,questioning 695,depressed,How could I be happy if nobody is happy with me?,listener_1,2,"Hi there, you know that is a very good question and I used to have similar thoughts as you. I now have a question to ask you, why would other be happy with you when you are not happy with yourself? The thing is, we need to develop self love and self care first. Because without it, we will be too dependent on others and that becomes burdensome because no one's life is perfect and they all have their own issues to deal with. Even though other people wants to love you and support you, they can only do it to a certain extent. The rest of the void that you have inside of you can only be filled by yourself. I know you don't feel it but being able to learn to self love is the key to happiness because that is when you feel like your life is in your control again, not on others. I would recommend you to google how to self love or seek therapy to talk this over and find out what your root cause is. There is always help and a better life when you decide to become better and healthier. I speak from experience. You will get better, believe in yourself. ",0.9943,positive,agreeing 695,depressed,How could I be happy if nobody is happy with me?,speaker,3,"This is a chicken and egg situation, but in my case I know what came first and it's not self-hate...",0.0,neutral,neutral 695,depressed,How could I be happy if nobody is happy with me?,listener_1,4,"I think it's great that it isn't self hate and I think if you are aware of what the issue is, go seek help or research on what ways you can improve on and get better. The thing is, we can't control how others interact with us, as they are the only ones that can control themselves. You might not see self love as the issue here but any change in your life will still depend on you, as you are the sole controller of your life but not external factors. You be and do what you think will make your life easier and happier and your surroundings will get better with time as well. And I still won't put so much emphasis on how others feel about you if you know it's not you. Improve on the things that you do want to get better at. ",0.9723,positive,trusting 696,depressed,Just some venting,speaker,1,"So here's the deal: I have no interests. Nothing to use to get enjoyment out of life. I don't like anything, like at all. Anything new I try to pick up (and believe me: I've TRIED) I end up hating doing. I can't get happiness out of it. I'm super awkward so I have a hard time making+communicating with friends. So I can't rely on that to become happy. Anyway, the one thing that has been keeping me out of completely hating my life is this girl who I've loved for 2 years. When I say love, I feel like that isn't a strong enough word to describe how I feel. It's a reliance on her to feel happy. She's the light of my life, quite literally. Anyway, I found out yesterday that she has a boyfriend. I don't want to be jealous, I really don't. I hate being jealous. It's so painful. I get it: love is about appreciation and not possession. I'm not possessive, I swear on my life that I'm not. But to know she loves someone else is the most painful feeling in the world. I've been crying constantly since I've found out. It honestly feels like my life is over. I'm smart academically, but what is fucking money going to get for me? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Material possessions aren't going to fill my void. Money can't make me happy. Only she will, and I can't even have that. I don't want her and her boyfriend to break up (well, that's kind of a lie). Point is, I want nothing more than for her to be happy. But why not me? I wonder what's wrong with me. Please don't tell me that there are other fish in the sea. I don't care about other fish. I had extremely suicidal tendencies last year and the comfort of her is what got me through it. I have therefore become extremely attached to her. An attachment far more powerful than a mother and her child. Worse still, he apparently keeps asking about who I am since I'm her most talked to person on snapchat. He's getting protective over her. I don't want him to isolate her from me. I fear he won't even treat her well. I just don't get it. I'm not THAT bad looking, I'm smart, I'm athletic. What does she see in that greasy fuckboy? What is it about him? He hasn't been in her life that long as I understand. Bottom line: she's the only thing that has ever brought joy to my life and of course some random guy came along and she can't be mine anymore. I fucking hate this. So much. These tears rolling down my face taste disgusting. I hate everything. This world is so awful, so grey, so unenjoyable and so miserable. I don't want to live like this anymore. But...thank you, if you made it to the end. It feels a bit better when I know I'm not talking to a brick wall. It just hurts a lot. Thank you.",-0.8564,negative,lonely 696,depressed,Just some venting,listener_1,2,"I'm 30 and have been through my fair share of relationships. In my experience some people are just difficult to understand because they don't really know who they are themselves. But, have you ever asked her if she would date you?",0.128,positive,questioning 696,depressed,Just some venting,speaker,3,"In all honesty, I haven't. I just want things to go how they will and progress. I feel like if I told her it'd be difficult to talk to her. I don't think she likes me like that. Whenever I get the impression that she does, she magically has a boyfriend. This is the first time, though. I know she lost respect for him after finding out he's very homophobic (I believe she's bi and also very liberal, which is fine, we're all different). She said that if he says anything to her gay best friend, she will call me to put him in his place (I used to be homophobic so I can at least reason). But, I don't know. Maybe something will come of that. You say you've been in a fair share of relationships yourself. How many did you go through at a young age (teenage years), how long did they last (if you don't mind me asking ofc)?",0.9284,positive,trusting 697,depressed,I have things going for me. It's not enough. Need perspective.,speaker,1,"Nothing ever feels good enough. Compared to many posters here I have so much going for me. I have a family that has always been supportive. They've helped guide me in ways I can never repay. I have friends that I care for. I have a wonderful girlfriend who would go to the end of the earth to take away my pain. She's been the light at the end of the tunnel for me. I am going back to school. We're moving in together shortly. But it's not enough. I constantly long for something more. Some unattainable future, some unattainable me. It doesn't even exist and it never can, because I lack the motivation and determination to make it so. Logically I have so much going for me. Emotionally I feel like never waking up again is the better option. One huge part of me wants to take this next step in my journey. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for so long. I understand the triggers I have, at least as much as someone can. I want to help others fight through it. My therapist has strongly suggested I pursue psychiatric work. He has never pushed for anything before until I opened the door saying I might be interested in that. I want to pursue it. I want to move with my girlfriend. I want to start our life together. Another huge part of me wants to give up. Give in to the darkness I feel. I'll fail. I always have. I've left failed relationships and goals in my wake wherever I've gone. I hop from place to place because not a goddamn thing will ever make me happy. I'm dragging her down with me. I had to leave work today because I was in the throughs of a panic attack I've never felt before, seemingly, for no reason. My whole body was numb. I couldn't move my hands. I'm sitting in an ER lot deciding whether or not I need to go inside. Ahhhh I just have no idea how to overcome this. I'm a fixer, so logical in my decisions. This is purely emotional though. None of this makes sense.",-0.4181,negative,grateful 697,depressed,I have things going for me. It's not enough. Need perspective.,listener_1,2,"hi there, i think it's great that you have such great insight with yourself and with what you have. Don't ever let go of that understanding. With your post, I can sense 2 things. 1) You are afraid of failure, which is very human and normal. Everyone is afraid of failure. But you know, youtube Tedtalks has great videos on how you should see failures. I use to fear failure too. I feared it so much that I prevented myself from moving forward and loosing opportunities. In that sense, the only failing that I was doing was myself. I've since learned that there isn't really any failures in life, just mistakes and learning opportunities. The CEO of Capital One said that when we embraced mistakes and 'failures,' that's when we learn and can improve and do great things. I've since look at 'failure' as learning opportunities. How else is someone to learn something if they never make a mistake? They won't even know what mistakes are, which is not a healthy way or realistic way to live. My 2nd point was that I think you lack a life purpose. I lot of research has showed that no matter how successful you might be from the outside, if you feel that you have no life purpose, you will be depressed. Having a life purpose or goal is different from success. You need to take sometime to really think about your values, what you like and what you like to do with your life that will be meaningful for you. I think your therapist is right in pushing into psychiatry because he is trying to help you gain a life purpose so you can become happier. Also, the other side of life purpose is not to stress too much about it. Sometimes all you need to do is to take the opportunity that presents itself and it will lead your life to a completely different place that you've never thought of before. The key in life is to try to take opportunities that presents itself, make opportunities for yourself when you can, be grateful of the things that you have and help others when you can. The more you allow yourself to grow and experience things, the happier you'll become because you'll learn so much from those life experiences. ",0.9931,positive,agreeing 697,depressed,I have things going for me. It's not enough. Need perspective.,speaker,3,"Thank you. You've definitely hit the nail on the head with both points. I've failed in many things in life. I haven't grown how many others have with those failures. I just keep doing the same damn thing that put me in that position before. The problem is I've become so afraid of failing that it's become easier to not even try. Or just give up when it gets more difficult. And I've been searching for a purpose for years. It's been a major talking point with my therapist. I do not enjoy my current lot in life. I work for rich people selling things to other rich people. There's no passion or care. I just want to make a difference to people. I want to have mattered to someone. But again, nothing is good enough. I know I matter to my family, girlfriend, and friends. It's not the way I want to matter. Idk I just feel I've gotten so lost in my life that I'll never find the path back. ",-0.7778,negative,agreeing 697,depressed,I have things going for me. It's not enough. Need perspective.,listener_1,4,">I've become so afraid of failing that it's become easier to not even try. I used to be exactly that and I""m still working on it. I'm actually going back to school this Sept, even though I almost didn't apply because I was worried I'd fail the program. But I've seen told myself and really worked into my understanding that failure isn't failure. I would suggest you to go to youtube right now and go the tedtalk channel and type in failure and success. It'll really give you great insight and perspective on how you should view 'failure.' There really isn't failures. As for the life purpose, you don't have to decide right away as well. You can look into volunteering, there are tons of shelters and others alike that will help you hone in on your interests. Again, TedTalk has great ideas on life purpose and how to find one and what that really means. You will do fine, just believe in yourself! Really watch those tedtalks, they are really inspiring. ",0.9741,positive,trusting 698,depressed,Slowly drowning and I fear things are only going to get worse.,speaker,1,"To make it short, after highschool, things didn't go that well for me, like many others. Didn't know what I wanted to do, didn't know where I wanted to go, suddenly overwhelmed with the responsibilities of the adult life no one taught me about. I was feeling deeply depressed and didn't know why and over time, I had to deal with my first, really horrible breakup that destroyed, I lost my job and had to quit school, all in the same short amount of time. I had a rent to pay, and ended up living on financial aid (Canada yay), which is barely enough to let you survive. For a few months I went into debts to eat, and when even my card was full, I started to just skip meals and sleep all the time until my mother let me come back home. I was extremely depressed, sick, and kept saying something was wrong. I was sent to a retreat house but soon after I came back home, I made a suicide attempt. They then discovered I had depression, really bad anxiety, and was bipolar. The meds I was given before made it all worse, causing all those problems to blow out of proportion. Over the past 3 years, I haven't been working. I went back to school for a few months, but I didn't like what I was studying. Mentally, I was feeling better, was able to beat depression, met my current girlfriend. I started to struggle with my health, however, and spent a year going from specialist to specialist, doing tests, etc, but they still haven't found what I have. I was still ready for a new start, left my hometown and moved to a big city with the idea to go to the university and find a job. But then, one morning, something really stupid happened. I'm a big guy, never had any injuries, I'm pretty solid. But in 15sec, I fell into a bus because the driver was going too fast, and my leg got stuck. Completely ripped the tendon in my knee, which then dislocated. I had to get surgery and was bound to a wheelchair for months, not being able to walk or get out. I missed my chance to register to the university, and since I couldn't work, I had no way to pay for it. I finally learned how to walk again, and found a job. I was able to afford a new rent at a better place, closer to the job. Only problem? My leg is now unable to handle the work load, and I got plantar fasciitis because I hadn't been using my legs and feet for so long. The pain is horrible, and I can barely walk at the end of the day. I have to pretend nothing is wrong. Meanwhile, my bosses complain because I'm not going fast enough, even though they know I got injured. I now know I have to quit and find a job that doesn't require me to be on my feet all day long. My doctor suggested a desk job, or something similar. Sadly, I don't have any experience or professional training leading to a diploma, so I am stuck with jobs similar to the one I have. It's a dead end for me. I can't go back to school, because I can't afford to go without working. There's this special program with the government, where they pay you to go to school. It's to help people who are missing the pro. training to get a better job than what they have. I've been looking into that, but they told me I first need to quit my job before they can start looking into it. It's not even sure I could take a course, and it could be in several months. If I do that, I'll have to go back on financial aid. My new rent, with everything included, costs me more than what they'd give me every month. I'm just so depressed, it's been slowly killing me. I want to cry everyday. I look for jobs everyday and whenever I see one that wouldn't require me to be on my feet, I don't have what it takes. I have some experience and spend my life on the computer, I can use many different programs, and my French (because that's the main language here) is near perfect. But because I don't have an official document saying all that, no one hires me. I can't keep going with that job. They don't respect my limitations (make me work over 40-45h a week, overtime, when I said that 30 was my limit. It should be 25 with my injury, but life is too expensive to afford that) and the pain is unbearable. But if I do that, I'm going back to a period of misery and will be as poor as I was before. I've been trying, and fighting, to get my life back in order, to work so I could go back to school next year... Everyone around me was proud... and I feel like it's another failure, another obstacle.. if my knee was fine, I wouldn't be stuck in that position again. I'm trying not to let the depression creep back in, but it's so hard. I don't know what to do, I knocked to many doors and tried to get as many resources as I could, but it never leads to anything.",-0.9988,negative,sad 698,depressed,Slowly drowning and I fear things are only going to get worse.,listener_1,2,Man I'm really sorry about all this. Sounds like you have had it pretty rough. Sometimes you just gotta keep soldiering on. Keep trying to find jobs that'll suit you better and try your damn hardest to stay alive. I know how it feels to be stuck in a job you can't stand that over work you and destroy you. It's hard but there's always time. Keep researching ways for you to go back to school if that's what you want. Just keep yourself distracted and I know you can do it. ,-0.2838,negative,sympathizing 698,depressed,Slowly drowning and I fear things are only going to get worse.,speaker,3,"Thanks! It's almost becoming a sad running gag. People around me keep telling me that I really have no luck. I'm just scared I guess because I've been in poverty, not being able to afford food, and I get cramps just thinking about the possibility thar it could happen again. I have an appointment with an agent to start the process of going back to school/finding a job and it could take weeks, so I don't know what to do in between. I've been trying to take orders for a while (because I'm a graphic artist, not the best but certainly not the worst haha) and it didn't work... But I'm working hard to find ways to keep my head out of the water.. Thanks I appreciate!",0.7202,positive,apprehensive 698,depressed,Slowly drowning and I fear things are only going to get worse.,speaker,4,"Oh I sure do! I learn pretty fast too, but they only look at your papers here. I've been looking for a while to find something else, but they all require experience in that field AND a professional diploma, whether it's to work as a secretary, or do a desk job... I am pretty well rounded as a person, just because I learn fast and by myself... I learned to code, I learned how to make digital art, I learned how to use many different programs, but they don't care about your personal experiences as long as you don't get a diploma to prove it :( But thanks! I'm not giving up but I'm discouraged ha!",-0.4257,negative,confident 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,speaker,1,I'm just wondering if I'm alone in this. ,-0.25,negative,lonely 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,listener_1,2,"yes, absolutely. Just waiting to leave again, to be happy somewhere else. only two more months now though",0.7351,positive,agreeing 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,speaker,3,"I'm leaving July 10th an I don't know if I can make it. The only thing stopping me from leaving sooner is I am taking my dog with me, so I'm beginning his apartment training now. ",-0.1531,negative,apprehensive 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,listener_1,4,fuckin right? i'm moving in with my girlfriend in a new city on august 16th. Just attempting to enjoy the good parts of being home before Its all gone ,0.7269,positive,questioning 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,listener_2,5,i feel that,0.0,neutral,agreeing 699,depressed,Do any other college students get depressed when visiting home?,listener_1,6,https://i.redd.it/pmcm22h7mfzy.jpg,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 700,depressed,"Sleeping my life away, idk story time",speaker,1,"This year has been rough so far, my boyfriend of 2+ years left me after taking a new job in a new city and so I had to move out of our apartment and back with my family. The home situation isnt good, my dad has made it impossible for me to even exist here and ive only been back since mid feb and I dont leave my room. He's basically said its me or him and i dont know what to do as I have nowhere else to go right now. Im on a slew of medicines for depression and anxiety none of which are helping enough for me to function and im basically at my wits end here. Ive stopped eating, my ex basically told me during the breakup that at 5'9 and 190 I was too fat to love anymore so add that and my major depression together and I have no urge to eat whatsoever. Ive lost 25 pounds so far though so I guess thats something. Most days I dont fall asleep until 4-5 am when my sleeping meds kick in enough for me to no longer be able to fight them, I sleep as long as I can, sometimes even taking an extra sleeping pill when I wake up so I can sleep for another few hours because im too depressed to be awake. At 21, i cannot believe that this is my existence and I haven't a clue how to change it. Ive got no friends, nobody to talk to, its just me and my dog. ",-0.9601,negative,lonely 700,depressed,"Sleeping my life away, idk story time",listener_1,2,"Too fat to love? The guy that devoted 2 years to you would say such a vile, confidence destroying thing? What a piece of shit he is. Glad you managed to twist that into motivation to feel better about yourself by losing weight though! Whats your next step then? Did you setup a goal you can work towards in small steps?",0.7052,positive,questioning 700,depressed,"Sleeping my life away, idk story time",speaker,3,"Yeah, too fat to love anymore. It hurt me pretty badly. Id only gained 20 pounds over the course of the relationship so at this point I think he was just trying to say the most hurtful things he could. And I dont know for sure yet, Im looking at going back to college in the Fall for an associate's degree. Schooling isnt really my thing but in this day and age you cant really get by without some sort of degree. ",0.0058,neutral,apprehensive 700,depressed,"Sleeping my life away, idk story time",listener_1,4,"There is no such thing as too fat to love, that is ridiculous and you have to be some kind of shit to say something like that.",-0.2247,negative,angry 701,depressed,I need help - My Depression,speaker,1," I feel empty, but i have so much to let out. I'm only young (15) but i feel like i'm going through a mid-life crisis. I rarely speak to my parents because my family doesn't really communicate well as we all eat dinner separately and find meaningful conversations awkward and it feels as though there's a barrier between us. A barrier of comfortableness where although i've lived with my dad all my life i don't know how to actually have a deep and meaningful conversation with him or anyone for that matter. When i'm at home all i seem to do is lay on my bed on phone with the blinds down, lights off and door closed from the second i get home till the next morning for school (except necessities). I'm under so much stress at school, home and within my social life. Everyday at school i'm reminded how i need to get B's and A's in every subject or else i won't be able to reach my goals for university and essentially being wealthy and successful in life. I feel like that for every assignment, but with all the motivation to complete it, i can't do anything other than lay down and stress about it. When i actually communicate with my parents, it's usually always me being hassled for something such as chores, not communicating and especially a job. I desperately need a part-time job but i'm way too scared, shy and a little bit lazy to look for one. And i also don't know how i could fit it in some weeks with assignments and studying, especially next year (final year) and with sports which i play 3 days a week at a competitive level and I plan on working out when i found the energy (because i have anxiety about my skinny body). Everything seems to be stacking on top of each other and i don't know how much longer i can deal with the stress. I know many people would be saying ""you're just a kid, you barely know what stress is yet"" but in fact that stresses me the most. The fact that the 'life gets better' crap doesn't exist and that it's only going to become more difficult and stressful until i'm retired and am half dead in a wheelchair. Is there any point of living anymore if that's the case? Finally, my social life at the moment is virtually non-existent. I'm a very needy person and if i'm not texting anyone I get depressed and lonely almost instantly. Although I try to reach out to friends, no one ever seems to be interested or really cares enough to help me or at least listen and actually reply to me. Even if someone ends up caring about me, i don't know if i could even tell them anything about my depression and utter sadness. I have major trust issues and couldn't handle anyone seeing this weakness or worse if they told others about it I would be so embarrassed. If people at my school found out, they would all laugh at me for acting like a girl and trying to seek attention. Because i think that my perception at school is the guy who is loud and doesn't get embarrassed by anything. Also, I never know what I'm doing wrong with girls. Every time I start talking to a girl it's the same cycle. We talk for a few months then i get attached and then with every girl they just disappear and instantly stop talking to me. I'm not sure what's wrong with me. Am I too needy? Or do they find something out about me? I don't know, but it always ends up with me not being able to get over them for weeks or months later. Such as, last year i took antidepressants and went to a therapist for 3 months mainly because of a girl that i never even dated. Basically, every little memory i have about my happy childhood when my family were happy and when I used to have friends, makes me so depressed and i can't stop thinking about how it's only going to get worse. I feel like i'm too young to already be having these mental health issues and if this is just the beginning of a whole life of mental issues then i don't want to live through anymore of it. P.S - Sorry for a 5000 word essay but i was just wondering if anyone had any tips on any one of my problems, Thanks.",-0.978,negative,lonely 701,depressed,I need help - My Depression,listener_1,2,"Hey couple of things - think you need a break from everything, spend a day doing something you find fun and relaxing. I say this because it sounds like your anxiety is spreading and youre going to want to not let it consume you as you force yourself to avoid depression. From reading your post it does actually sound like you have alot going for you; was impressed and slightly envious reminiscing to my younger self lol. Though you do need to destress and either considering altering your schedule, goals or finding ways to cope easier with everything at once. Fyi; regarding the gym... your metabolism will be sky high so if you want to bulk a bit then make sure you develop a meal plan to increase your carbs, fats and proteins so you can make proper gains while you lift. (Gym may vey wel the destress thing you require btw, as nothing relieves me better than heavy lifting)",0.9427,positive,suggesting 701,depressed,I need help - My Depression,speaker,3,"Thankyou, I will look into switching a few things around and if i can build up the courage, i'll look at joining a gym.",0.4939,positive,wishing 701,depressed,I need help - My Depression,listener_1,4,"Please do not look at the gym that way - gyms are for everyone. Large people losing weight, slim people trying to gain weight - everyone! Im a decent build and any time I see someone of a not so desired shape at a gym struggling I am super impressed by their work ethic and determination. I often try and help the smaller guys if they need spotting too.. Everyone starts somewhere my friend so dont let that put you off, no one will judge you in a negative and aggressive way. Just remember to create a solid workout plan so youre body building and not looking to develop specific areas only - if you want advice on a schedule and nutrition simply PM me, best of luck!",0.9577,positive,impressed 702,depressed,"my father is physically abusive towards me , and I now see that i act the same way to others .",speaker,1,"I am currently 20 . All my life my dad has found reasons and even if there were no reasons , he would still hit me . Physically and emotionally torture me . I have a boyfriend and its been a year we were dating . Recently i have been getting really angry and ended up beating him up really bad . I felt so bad about it . I thought i would stop after that . Today , i got super pissed off about something and i slapped him . When he just brushed it off saying that i was getting upset for no reason . I hit him again and again trying to make him realize why im angry . He didnt hit me at all . He still forgave me after crying so much . I feel like a horrible person , and I hate my father for making me like this . Can anybody help me and tell me what i can do to reduce my violent behaviour ?",-0.9888,negative,ashamed 702,depressed,"my father is physically abusive towards me , and I now see that i act the same way to others .",listener_1,2,"Your boyfriend sounds very kind and understanding - I think you should start by talking to him about what you have gone through and how you desperately wish to not go down the same path yourself. Its always easier to do things with support right? Next up, does your father still hurt you? Does he hurt your mother or any other sibling? If so, this has to stop NOW. ",0.2103,positive,questioning 702,depressed,"my father is physically abusive towards me , and I now see that i act the same way to others .",speaker,3,"he does know about my past , but he doesnt help me much in helping me forget about it . And yes , my father still hurts me and my mom . Emotionally abuses the family .",-0.8375,negative,neutral 702,depressed,"my father is physically abusive towards me , and I now see that i act the same way to others .",speaker,4,"yea, il try that . I live in India and these therapists are really hard to find.",-0.1761,negative,agreeing 703,depressed,Birthdays are the worst,speaker,1,"So, my birthday just ended. Usually I would just go somewhere and buy myself some ice cream and that's it (at least since my mom got sick and died). But this year, I had to explain to my dad three times that I do not wish to invite guests and have a party because I do not have any friends or anyone I'd like to invite. At all. I don't know why he thought this year would be different, I may have a job now, but I still spend pretty much every single hour outside of work alone. To add salt to my injury, I also had to explain to the secretary at work that I would not have any celebration, because I don't have any friends. Now she knows how much of a loser I really am. Worse than that, I know already that I will continue to be pushed into the direction of playing victim in front of her, whereas before I was just a goofy happy-ish reserved but open stranger, or so she thought. I've tried so many times to make friends, and there is no plan left. At this point I'm also pretty sure that my personality is exhausting and too taxing, even though I try my best to always be friendly and appear happy. So, other people get sick of me and the stress I cause. Maybe. I mean, considering the evidence, it's gotta be me. 2 more years until wizardry. I don't want to make it that long. Can't a truck just take me away randomly and relieve me of my neverending torture? Life keeps on shitting on me, but doesn't have the decency to finish me off. I hate birthdays. I hate getting a reality check, and no matter how much chocolate I stuff myself with, it doesn't help. Gonna go cry myself to sleep. Cursed be the day I was born. Fml.",-0.9826,negative,lonely 703,depressed,Birthdays are the worst,listener_1,2,"Firstly Happy belated Birthday friend! :) Secondly, Im sure your dad means well and is just trying to do something nice for you - in spite of it not being a great idea. Thirdly, who cares what the secretary thinks of you? Ou could make up a lie to her (say you were joking etc) or just leave the truth with her. I frequently admit to people at work I have no social life nor friends and I dont feel like a loser, dont let their perceived opinions overwhelm you. Once again, super happy birthday and sorry I couldnt message sooner so that I did on your actual birthday, was asleep though..",0.9304,positive,ashamed 703,depressed,Birthdays are the worst,speaker,3,"Thank you, and don't worry about the time, I wrote the OP after the cursed day was over in my time zone either way. I'm simply worried it changes the dynamics of the workplace, which I can't really afford. I can't lose this job, it is the only thing I have, and I definitely can't find a new one.",0.83,positive,sympathizing 703,depressed,Birthdays are the worst,listener_1,4,"From what you have mentioned doesnt sound like it will change the dynamics, just pass it off as a joke or dont pay attention to it. ",0.3582,positive,acknowledging 704,depressed,why,speaker,1,"its 2 am and the love of my life is sleeping soundly. Not caring about his best friend. Who is crying, slashing at hee wrists, thighs, etc. And telling herself she's not worth it. this is my life. I told him today. How I felt. I don't know if he likes me back or he doesn't. he most likely doesn't. I want to kill myself. why me? why was I chosen to burn inside why this isn't just teenage angst this is son thing more something more real not just me being on my period in so scared of what I might so to myself I wanna die I don't say that out loud I know that it brings every one hell",-0.9054,negative,guilty 704,depressed,why,listener_1,2,Hi - so is he your boyfriend or just a friend? Confused on that. Why do you feel the way you do?,0.3094,positive,questioning 704,depressed,why,speaker,3,"well, I asked him out and he responded harshly with a no. we're still friends, I think, but he doesn't seem to care about me anymore. ",-0.2124,negative,neutral 704,depressed,why,listener_2,4,"It's a big world, people come and go, loved ones come and go. You'll find someone else someday. I know it sounds like a typical answer to your situation, but it's true. It may take you a bit to get over it, but for many people, it's not always the first love that sticks, maybe it's the second, or third, or fourth. Stay true to yourself and don't let yourself be thrown off your path by some guy who doesn't like you, find some better friends and you will do fine.",0.9775,positive,faithful 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,1,"I keep on making more and more mistakes. I'm ruining the relationships in my life that keep me going. I ended one today with a friend of a couple years, and I tried to push my other friends away. I was not in a good spot earlier, and the damage has already been done. My best friend is more distant with me now, and we'll more than likely lessen our friendship until it's gone. My other close friend has assured me that it is alright, but it's not. I can't change what's already happened, and I'll more than likely have to leave this group of friends. It hurts knowing that I've made a very large mistake. ",0.4347,positive,guilty 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,2,What mistakes are you making and why? :),0.128,positive,questioning 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,3,"I was unintentionally mean to my friend. Apparently I bullied her when I thought that we were having fun together. Guess I suck at reading people. I tried explaining this, and I've done this other times, too. I've not felt good because I'm apparently someone I never wished to be. What sucks is she is my best friend's girlfriend, so he's more than likely going to become distant in the future. Relationships are difficult. ",-0.4031,negative,ashamed 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,4,"The key word in all of this is ""unintentional"", you define yourself by your thoughts, others define you by your actions. But what people define you as isnt at all who you really are. Firstly dont be down about this (i know that may be difficult) but keep trying to reconcile, admitting fault and explain your intentions. People will inevitably hurt others, intentionally or not, its the resolve of other people to understand and accept which keeps people together. Never give up my friend, you seem like a lovely, self conscious person that is just trying to do their best - many people would be lucky to have a companion like you. ",0.9495,positive,neutral 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,5," Thank you very much for your kind words, friend. I really appreciate you sticking around to listen. I'm still not a good, nice person, though, but thank you. ",0.7862,positive,grateful 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,6,"Self degrading is difficult to rid yourself of, I know because I have it ;) And its not a bother at all, PM me anytime, Im always open to nice people.",-0.1441,negative,agreeing 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,7,"I once was able to combat it for a few months, but I guess it's come back. Thank you for calling me nice and opening a chance to talk further. I may do that. If you want any more information, I had a post from yesterday which explains what happened. Edit: Was on mobile. Here's the [link](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/6ern30/i_think_i_want_to_stop_being_friends_with_someone/) if anyone wants to use it.",0.8481,positive,prepared 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,8,"Its ok Ive just stalked your profile and found it - firstly thats a horrible response you received from some idiot to not ask reddit for advice, sorry you didnt receive anything better. CanI just say but given how much thought you have put into every possible scenario I am further reassured in my opinion that you are very aware/thoughtful and not at all self absorbed! Difficult to provide exact advice but it sounds like you two need a talk to clear the air, right now she may not want to but I would suggest in order to not shut yourself from the group.. maybe talking to her bf who was originally your friend? Nothing elaborate but maybe asking him if anything is wrong and that if his gf wants to talk youre more than willing to resolve it etc. Then giving her space so youre not chasing at her, people dislike being pestered. I feel the above option puts your mind at ease a bit as its youre actively doing something about it without making the situation worse. Which i feel you would do if you ignored it as eventually whatever animosity being felt by her may end up being toxic and I fear you would be more likely to leave the group than her at this point due to her connection in with her bf.",-0.7026,negative,neutral 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,9,"Thank you for taking the time to read through that. And I've stalked your profile a little as well. You are an awesome person, and I'm really glad someone like you is in this world. You definitely have a great potential to positively influence so many people. One thing that I feel is bad is I did try to talk to her a little. I eventually got mad at her for the reason that she's never direct with me about these kinds of situations. Big mistake on my part. I failed to give her time, and I also introduced another problem. It also supports her point that I am a bully. I do want to be friends with her, and I want everything to work out well. I'll give her time, and I'm choosing not to get as close to her again if we somehow become friends again. I've already talked to her boyfriend, but I didn't ask about that. I've told him and his girlfriend that I don't want anything to do with her right now. I don't know how she responded, but I would not react kindly to that. I've let him know that I do want to still be friends with her. He's only letting time dictate things, and that's fair. To sum it up, I've dug my grave, and only a miracle can save me. I just wonder why she's sticked with me this whole time if I've caused her plenty of problems before.",0.9452,positive,guilty 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,10,"Sounds like youre headed in a good direction though, all you can do now is give it time and see what pans out, at least you can feel good that you have done what you can. And thank you for those kind words in return, means alot to me :)",0.9451,positive,acknowledging 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,11,"That actually makes me feel a lot better. I appreciate it when others put in effort for myself; thus, I feel really good when I put in effort for others. (Hopefully it's mutual in both parties). You've put a smile on my face, /u/Kvxyo :) Now to wait... I'll PM you updates when things start to move. I feel that you deserve to know. Would that be alright?",0.9623,positive,joyful 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,listener_1,12,"I deserve and would very much love to know what happens, I'm holding you to those PM's ;) Glad to put a smile on your face sunshine, now go complete it by thinking what you enjoy the most and do it.. you deserve some fun :D",0.9767,positive,acknowledging 705,depressed,Destroying relationships,speaker,13,"Thank you very much! I will definitely let you know, and I will make the most out of this situation. I hope you have a great day, or night (depending on where you are ._.) :)",0.9381,positive,encouraging 706,depressed,Here's hoping for a day...,speaker,1,"I used to think everything was great, or at least thats what I told myself everyday. Everyday, I feel further down the spiral, everyday I slip down another step wondering when I will hit the bottom, wondering when a railing will appear to help me hold my ground. People that I thought would see me slipping and help and come to my aid, aren't there, they tell me everyone has ups and downs... but I don't have any ups anymore... The only smiles I get are from my daughter, but even she asks in her tiny 2.5yr old voice ""Daddy, why sad."" When I hear it, it breaks my heart, because I don't even know anymore. I just know I am not happy. I've reached out to friends, but they don't hear me. I feel alone most days, go to work, put on my outdoor face, most days just hoping someone will notice that I just need a hug, a pat on the back, something. Hoping a stranger will look at me and acknowledge me. Here's to hoping for tomorrow to be that day, to help me see the way back up just a single solitary step. ",0.9825,positive,sad 706,depressed,Here's hoping for a day...,listener_1,2,"I take it you are a single parent? That wonderful little 2.5 year of yours may not be reaching out on an intellectual level, but she sure has the cognisance to understand you're hurting and is trying to reach out on an emotional level. Perhaps take a day out just for the two of you? Treat her and put a smile on your face - who knows, it may put a smile on yours too. ",0.9333,positive,suggesting 706,depressed,Here's hoping for a day...,speaker,3,"I am not a single parent, though it feels it most days. Spending time with her is one of the few times I feel. Thank you for reaching back toward me, just seeing someone respond makes me optimistic of my day. Truly, thank you. ",0.875,positive,grateful 706,depressed,Here's hoping for a day...,listener_1,4,"Dont be silly, all I did was respond not do anything useful ;) Perhaps speak to your SO though about how you feel, she will be able to advise you better than anyone and help you through this, best of luck man",0.9189,positive,suggesting 707,depressed,Sometimes I just wonder why I am even here...,speaker,1,"I feel like this invisible person who nobody sees cares about or even understands. It's like sometimes it hurts just to breathe. I don't have a close bond with my family and I barely have any friends which is mostly my fault because I don't bother reaching out anymore. I don't feel like people actually care. I like who I am as a person but with so much constant rejection it sort of makes me wonder whats wrong with me? Am I missing something? Am I really that terrible that people cant accept me? I just don't know anymore. My childhood was absolute shit and I feel like its made me sensitive. But I bet if I was a hard ass people would judge that too. I am so tired of being judged and misunderstood. All I know how to do anymore is just stick to myself. In my own corner. Its too painful to bother opening up to people. They all smile, say they care etc but where are they? Nothing but fake liars... I feel like shit tonight. All I want to do right now is curl in a ball and cry myself to sleep...",-0.9865,negative,lonely 707,depressed,Sometimes I just wonder why I am even here...,listener_1,2,"Tired of being misunderstood? Give us a try then - tell us about our childhood, and why you feel distant from everyone, I'm all ears.",-0.6486,negative,questioning 708,depressed,F**k promises,speaker,1,You can't really trust anyone these days...I guess all promises are just made to be broken.,-0.5297,negative,trusting 709,depressed,And it's back.,speaker,1,"That hopeless feeling. The feeling that I've never been good enough. That no one actually likes me, or wants me around in their life. I know that it's just my imagination, but I can't help wondering if it's true. I'm good for a while, but then In the snap of a finger all I want to do is blow my brains out all over my bedroom wall. I can't help but think about what would actually happen if I did kill my self. Sure my family and friends would cry and be sad, but in a couple weeks everything would be back to normal. The sun would still rise, they would still smile and be happy. So what's holding me back? Maybe it's the fact that I'm already dead. Not physically, but mentally. I rarely smile, rarely have fun or do anything. As soon as I wake up, all I can think about is going back home to be by myself in my bed. It all just seems... too much. ",-0.9061,negative,sad 709,depressed,And it's back.,listener_1,2,I know how you feel. I'm sorry :(,-0.4939,negative,sympathizing 709,depressed,And it's back.,speaker,3,No I've ever lost anyone to suicide and yeah I have people to talk to but I really don't like too. I was always told growing up to keep my feelings to myself because no one cares so I always feel like a bother when I talk about my problems. Even when I talk to therapists and stuff. ,-0.9307,negative,lonely 709,depressed,And it's back.,listener_2,4,"You are not a bother. There's nothing wrong with talking about your problems. I don't even know you, but if you ever want to type that crazy shit right out of your head, I phrase it like that because I literally do that on a typewriter to stave off the darkness, you can message me. The point is, you don't know what could happen in the future, and wether or not it feels like it, people do need you. Empty days and suicidal thoughts are hard. I don't know how else to say it. It hurts in ways that are hard to explain because you don't know why or how it happens or how to change it. You can't let the thoughts win. ",-0.956,negative,trusting 710,depressed,Am I Depressed? Why?,speaker,1,"First of all, I feel I should apologize to all of the people here that have a legitimate reason to be depressed. I hope this is just a phase but I have no energy. It's summer break and I am not taking any classes or work except for an internship I go to twice a week. I sleep in late, lay in bed for hours and its difficult to force myself to get anything done. I'm stuck in this awful cycle of wanting to hang out with friends but wanting to be lazy. I want to lose weight but I have no energy to cook 'real' meals so I catch myself eating bags of popcorn and chips. My boyfriend is gone on a study abroad trip and I miss him a lot. I'm hoping when he comes back I return to my usual happy self. Otherwise, I have a great life and I'm confused why I'm so sad. ",-0.853,negative,ashamed 710,depressed,Am I Depressed? Why?,listener_1,2,"Sometimes depression just happens. Most people expect there to be a dramatic catalyst, but sometimes there just isn't. Maybe it's a culmination of small things - regardless, it doesn't make your struggle any less. I'm in no way suggesting you have depression, but go speak to someone if you want. You shouldn't rely on one thing to make yourself happy. Sort yourself out. You're entitled to it. ",0.1995,positive,sad 710,depressed,Am I Depressed? Why?,listener_2,3,I believe that the people who are truly clinically depressed don't need a catalyst. I never did. Yet all I could think about for years was killing myself. Of course only you truly know how hopeless you're feeling. ,-0.6597,negative,lonely 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,speaker,1,"Schools going to be out. I'm going to be alone and unkwown for another 3 months I have no friends so I'm going to be at my house for 3 months and probably go in into my room. Im sick of always being alone would someone please talk to me. All the kids I'm ""friends"" with alll excluded me and are doing things together. If you see my reddit history of bdp Reddit I'm only there because I've nearly been mulested by women because of it. I'm sick of being alone it's to painful to bear I need someone to chat with",-0.9194,negative,lonely 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,listener_1,2,I'm sorry that you feel so down. I've been through that too. It's not fun. ,-0.4592,negative,sympathizing 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,speaker,3,Wanna talk ,0.0,neutral,hopeful 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,speaker,4,Can I just mesage you,0.0,neutral,questioning 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,listener_1,5,Go ahead,0.0,neutral,questioning 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,listener_2,6,Yeah go right ahead,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,speaker,7,"I've been doing nothing already all my friends are ignoring on social media. I'm alone and tired and sick of it.ive lost all of my energy and I'm doing nothing while I bet my ""friends"" are doing stuff",-0.5994,negative,lonely 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,listener_1,8,Hope you are doing okay. ,0.5859,positive,consoling 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,listener_1,9,"Are you in high school? Kids in high school are very self absorbed. I'm sorry you don't have anyone to lean on or even talk to in person. That's a shitty thing to have. When I was growing up, I had friends who were always pulling me down and telling me how stupid I was. I still don't have close friends but I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to not be bothered about it anymore. I know it's tough and I really can't understand what you are going through but if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. ",0.4795,positive,lonely 711,depressed,I'm crying out for someone to talk to me,speaker,10,I haven't been doing anything recently,0.0,neutral,content 712,depressed,Struggling between wanting to die and wanting to pursue career opportunities,speaker,1,"I'm having a hard time lately. When I say lately, I don't mean my entire life that I've struggled with depression and anxiety. I mean lately, in the sense of I'm having a hard time getting out of this circling the drain funk I'm in. I went through a horrible divorce 2 years ago, because my ex stopped speaking with me at all and stopped trying to love me or anything else really. It was a super unhealthy relationship, and after I left, for the first time I was empowered to do better and to try and motivate myself to be the person I've always had hidden inside me. I moved across the country (first move I've ever made alone) and met and fell in love with my partner, who I'm still with today. He is wonderful, kind, patient, and truly wants what is best for me. So why do I seem to keep finding myself back here? Back in this depressed mood that I can't seem to shake. I can't seem to find my place anywhere :/ So here I am, searching through hundreds of jobs I don't qualify for, wondering if and why I should bother looking, when I feel like it's not worth it. When I feel like I should just give up. I just wish someone would give me a chance when it comes to work. I wish my anxiety/depression would stop making me have such a struggle to hold down a job. I wish I wasn't so angry at myself and the world for where I am. The truth is, I know I'm lucky to be alive, and I know I shouldn't be on here venting, but I just feel so damn alone, and lost. Any help greatly appreciated! TLDR: I'm becoming more and more depressed in a world where I don't feel like I belong or ever will.",0.4524,positive,sad 712,depressed,Struggling between wanting to die and wanting to pursue career opportunities,listener_1,2,If you feel like swapping messages drop me one as I'm in the same position and maybe swapping messages could help us both anyway I'm off to put my work shackles on for the day peace.,0.765,positive,suggesting 712,depressed,Struggling between wanting to die and wanting to pursue career opportunities,speaker,3,Sounds great :) send me a pm if you'd like! Thanks for offering help. ,0.9381,positive,acknowledging 712,depressed,Struggling between wanting to die and wanting to pursue career opportunities,speaker,4,"I would go to a therapist if I could afford to do so, but unfortunately I'm in between jobs, and having a hard time getting a job that would make enough to go to one. Sadly no support groups here either except AA, or I would join. I'm glad you found someone that treated you the way you should be treated! I'm sorry you've gone through something similar, but I'm glad to have some feedback from someone who has been there. I will keep searching for ways to remain positive-- this was just a very bad day in a very bad stretch of life for me. Thank you 🙂",0.1745,positive,sympathizing 713,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way?,speaker,1,"I really don't want to bother all of you with the lengthy details of my life but in short I've experienced very large amounts of family and friend death, 6 years of clinical depression, and various other traumas. So the thing I really want to know is if there is anyone out there that has this feeling I'm about to explain. So I lost my boyfriend to suicide about a year and a half ago, I haven't dated anyone since and here's the main reason why. Everytime I think I might have feelings for someone else, bam He pops into mind. But its not just that I think about him because I already think about him everyday. At first there was a fear that if I date someone it might end up the same. Now it's like this subconscious feeling that turns once postive feelings for someone else into disinterest or even negative feelings. Then I always come back to the thought that I still love Him but its a more complex feeling than that. I may not have been very good at explaining this because it is quite a hard thing to put into words. Also I have tried talling about this somewhat with the close people around me but they either say ""get over him already its been over a year"" or something along the lines of ""you just like the idea of him you don't actually like him"". I realised I couldn't talk about this with anyone who has this approach because they just don't understand and they tell me how I should feel when I don't feel that way. I'm in search of someone who might feel the way I feel.",-0.9253,negative,guilty 713,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way?,listener_1,2,"I haven't experienced this kind of loss but what people are telling you is absolutely wrong. You've lost someone who was very important to you. Relationships, especially close ones, affect us for the rest of our lives. There's no such thing as just ""getting over"" something like that. You find ways to cope, and the pain or the thoughts will get much better, but getting over it without professional help and a lot of time is bullshit. Be gentle with yourself. When you like someone and he pops into your head, realize that you are only trying to protect yourself from an enormous amount of pain. Maybe your brain doesn't have the best methods in doing so, but you can have a sort of appreciation for it at least trying to help you. You feel certain things and your brain goes ""hey wait! Remember the last time we felt this? It ended bad, lets run away"". So rather than run away, and rather than beat yourself up for feeling that way (or any way), just know that you're only trying to protect yourself. It's safe to like someone again, just be gentle with yourself through the process. Loss like this will take a long time and a lot of work to ""get over"". A therapist can really help, but if that's not possible for you, look for a support group for suicide or family loss. You need positive people around you, and especially people who understand. ",0.8468,positive,agreeing 713,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way?,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, this gave me some comfort. Thank you for understanding and helping me. ",0.8271,positive,grateful 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",speaker,1,"I just turned 33 and I live with my parents. They try to control me so much and they treat me like a butler. I have no friendships. No one wants to be around me. I really like this guy who I have a zero chance with and it's killing me. I'm unemployed but no one will hire me. I'm on disability because of my depression and anxiety. I feel like such a waste of space. I had/ have so many ambitions and feel like I will never do any of it. I even tried applying to a coffee shop and I wasn't hired because apparently I kept spacing out. I'm the black sheep of my entire family. No one notices me. I'm a loser. I just want people to like me and love me but it'll never happen. I feel like I'm a forgotten soul. No one will ever love me. No one will ever want me. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just want to live. I want to travel. I want to make money so I can buy stuff and not have to depend on others. I hate my life. It's hard to remain positive.. I'm there for everyone else and I help everyone else. But I'm too much , I'm crazy, I have too many pity parties. I just need someone to give me a chance and be patient with me. ",0.853,positive,lonely 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",listener_1,2,I like you,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",speaker,3,"I'm on Effexor, Wellbutrin, seroquel, and trazadone. I'm also on this birth control called chateal? I read reviews that it can make people horribly depressed. However, I asked PP for another one and they were like no can do. ",-0.7506,negative,apprehensive 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",listener_2,4,Found why you are spacing out. Seroquel is a hell of a drug. ,-0.6808,negative,agreeing 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",speaker,5,Thank you and I think you're right. I only went on it because of my doctor. I noticed my anxiety was worse around that time of month and I remembered Ocella (Yasmin) being good because it was specifically made for severe pms. Planned Parenthood said they don't carry that stuff. I just wanted extra relief. I love Wellbutrin. I've been on Effexor forever and I think it's losing it's effectiveness.,0.5719,positive,agreeing 714,depressed,"I'm so depressed, alone, and frustrated.",speaker,6,Yeah my doctor wants me to wean myself off of it. I was given it to help with insomnia. I'm really really scared to do it though tbh.,0.11,positive,apprehensive 715,depressed,My suicidal story,speaker,1,"My worst moment of my life is when i got bullied at school for being skinny, weak, ugly, dick, stupid, cunt, faggot, white trash. These kids beat me up, they affected me physically, emotionally and psychologically. My mother admitted me to a physicist, where they diagnosed me with depression, suicidal tendencies, anorexic, anxiety, ADD. My grade's were looking bad, around C-D-E, and I tried to commit suicide twice, once by rope and once by sleeping pills, obviously survived. Pretty much, Im in senior grade, and this is still going on, still depressed and suicidal, and every day is a day to face reality. I was in year 9 in 2015, and I found the game csgo, I played it with some of my friend's from school, laughed for the first time in forever playing that game with my friend's, then guess what, had a gaming addiction to the game to this date, where I met my best friend Jake, who saved me from suicide when I tried it for the third time. Also, my life is shit, and Im planning to kill myself next weekend. Goodbye everyone. ",-0.9929,negative,devastated 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,speaker,1,"Everyone I love has left, I invested everything into a man that could never love me, my family left, my friends left. I've wanted to die for years but had zero courage too. I've held on to maybe the idea that maybe the future will get better. It hasn't yet. I am nothing, I have nobody. I am just waiting for something to put me literally over the edge at this point. The counselling doesn't help. The drugs don't help. I don't feel better. We are not suppose to feel like this forever. But why do I? I hate myself. Everything about myself. ",-0.3647,negative,lonely 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,listener_1,2,I think you have a very poetic voice when you write. Have you ever considered writing as a creative form of expression? The intensity of feeling is palpable and sincere. Artistic. I want the best for you and you deserve to feel joy and peace.,0.9578,positive,hopeful 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,speaker,3,"No I haven't, I didn't do very well in highschool, so I considered myself​ to be very unintelligent. But thank you for saying so, maybe I will look into it. ",0.0986,positive,suggesting 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,listener_2,4,Not doing well in school doesn't mean you aren't same just like doing well doesn't mean. You are smart. Referencing the Einstein quote about how if you teach a fish to climb a tree etc.,0.2206,positive,impressed 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,listener_1,5,The subreddit r/toastme is helpful if you need a boost from the community,0.6705,positive,consoling 716,depressed,I wake up evrryday wishing it was my last,listener_3,6,"**Here's a sneak peek of [/r/toastme](https://np.reddit.com/r/toastme) using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/toastme/top/?sort=top&t=all) of all time!** \#1: [Trying to stay positive despite depression, why not give me a hand?](http://imgur.com/a/rMneg) | [86 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/toastme/comments/5kkl9v/trying_to_stay_positive_despite_depression_why/) \#2: [My coworker had a hard year with the passing of his mom and a divorce. We think this would be good for him :)](https://imgur.com/vTAMoTY) | [27 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/toastme/comments/5kl879/my_coworker_had_a_hard_year_with_the_passing_of/) \#3: [Year and a half from coming out and starting transition! Excited to celebrate my second New Year's as myself :)](http://i.imgur.com/jaD9XBU.jpg) | [46 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/toastme/comments/5kdwlf/year_and_a_half_from_coming_out_and_starting/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/5lveo6/blacklist/)",0.9526,positive,suggesting 717,depressed,Therapy,speaker,1,"Have any of you tried going to a therapy, and does it seem to work? I'm interested in doing it, but I want to know other people's experiences with it.",0.3182,positive,questioning 717,depressed,Therapy,listener_1,2,"My insurance includes a ""service"" called an EAP. Basically they provide the phone numbers of a few therapists, and if you can get yourself in to see one the insurance pays for the first X number of sessions. It was useless. Maybe I just had a bad therapist but it was a waste of time for me. ""Rate your mood today 1-10."" ""Are you better or worse than on our last visit?"" ""If we can't show progress on your chart, I won't get compensated by your insurance"" (after 3 sessions). I wanted to see an actual psychiatrist but the ones I contacted had you leave a voice mail that was never returned, so it never happened. ",-0.8833,negative,apprehensive 717,depressed,Therapy,speaker,3,Have you asked them for a referral to a good one? ,0.4404,positive,questioning 718,depressed,Spots of happiness are worse than the depression,speaker,1,"There's those moments maybe once a day/few days when I don't feel depressed, maybe I'm happy or distracted. Those moments flicker away and I'm left feeling even worse than I was before. I almost wish these moments wouldn't happen at all so I wouldn't have to crash back down the well. ",0.8002,positive,sad 718,depressed,Spots of happiness are worse than the depression,listener_1,2,You may want to check if you are bipolar 2. Many people spend a long time thinking they have depression when bipolar meds are what they need to help,-0.1779,negative,suggesting 718,depressed,Spots of happiness are worse than the depression,speaker,3,"Hm maybe, depression meds have never helped me. I'll ask a doc about this next time I have the $$, thank you",-0.29600000000000004,negative,suggesting 719,depressed,Any one relate?,speaker,1,"Its hard for me to find the motivation to write this. I guess I'm posting it on here because this is the one place that might understand. In fact, there must be those of you who will read this and completely get me. And will just get everything I have to say. First, I've never been diagnosed with depression and I don't think I ever will, unless some doctor picks up on it. But I feel, personally, that there is something deeply disturbing, overwhelming and very sad about the way I think and what I think about. And I would be fine with it, everyone gets water logged with that actual thought of reality, the types of thoughts depression brings. This is real and that is real kind of stuff. But I can't stop thinking about deep shit. It's constant. Like a constant shroom trip, but without visuals, only the intense realizations and connections you make. The only word to describe how it feels is draining. It's draining. I'm drained. Second, on top of it, it feels like there's nothing to do. I sit around and smoke weed and white owls trying reclaim the joy it use to bring me. Most of the time I don't know what to do with myself and I don't enjoy things much anymore. Sometimes I feel too content, then I just want to cry and I do. I don't have many friends and I cut ties with a lot of people. I went to college as a freshman and it was like entering a war zone. Towards the end the people that I thought were friends really weren't. They ignored me and I could really feel that everytime I was around them I wasn't welcomed and I don't know why, because nothing changed but their attitude towards me. My god it was awful and I was so alone, so fucking alone and it's sad and it's fucked up because all you can do is look at yourself and reflect and wish that you weren't this way. You wish your life was better and you feel bad because you think back on your younger self and feel like you let them down and then you realize you're just a kid and you shouldn't feel this way but you do and its unfair and not fun. It feels like that Elton John song, ""Rocket Man."" And I can't even get started on my family cause this would be to long, but if there's anyone out there who understands, who knows or is going through something like this please post or share or something.",-0.9784,negative,embarrassed 719,depressed,Any one relate?,listener_1,2,"Hey buddy I think I understand the deepness part, some might attribut it to inteligence because you dont really see not so intellgent people having those deep thoughts. But my conclusion and I bet there are people who think the same is that people who aren't comfortable have those thoughts because why would a person who's happy and comfortable in life ever think abt things like life questions and believes. I was feeling really stale in my life like nothings really going differently than the year before but the I watched couple of youtube vids about Nietzsche on channel called academy of ideas (if your interested i can link it to you.) This isnt some promotion but those videos made me realize that there are people who think like me and that I wasn't the only one in the battle of finding lets say purpose and solution is basically that you have to fall deppest you've ever been and question your believes in most hardcore way possible and only then will you find those answers. ",0.9663,positive,trusting 719,depressed,Any one relate?,speaker,3,"I'm interested, send the link",0.4019,positive,hopeful 719,depressed,Any one relate?,listener_1,4,https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAYxecbGotUwLODYN7mcPhILw3JoJPYg1 When watching be open minded,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 719,depressed,Any one relate?,speaker,5,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 720,depressed,how do i control all of this internal anger i feel?,speaker,1,"i feel so sad/overwhelmed ive been laying down crying almost all day.i feel like i have so much on my plate lately (moving, going back to school, looking for a new job) i barely have any friends and i don't really want to talk to my so about my troubles because i feel like i'm just complaining all of the time so i don't want to bother him. This has caused me to have a lot of internal anger towards him. I'm really passive aggressive which is something i've been trying to work on but every time i think about something that he does that bothers me i get really angry even though it happened in the past. I think this is because whenever something bothers me i don't confront him about it?(i'm not talking about his habits it's more of him going days without taking to me, not wanting to go out, not paying for me when we go on ""dates"". The paying part doesn't bother me as much) anyways this has caused me to distance myself from him and i'm just really mad at myself for doing this. I feel like i'm just bringing this on myself.Sorry for the rant i guess my question is how do i stop being so angry all of the time? Not just towards my bf but in general? ",-0.9707,negative,sad 720,depressed,how do i control all of this internal anger i feel?,listener_1,2,You need to be honest and validate your feelings to others. Otherwise you internalize all this emotion and hold a grudge against somebody who does not know they are making you feel this way. You recognize this frustration but your not doing yourself or anyone else any favors by hiding your feelings. Anger is good sometimes. ,-0.2293,negative,trusting 720,depressed,how do i control all of this internal anger i feel?,speaker,3,yeah you're right i've been talking to him about it and we've both agreed to try harder,0.5106,positive,agreeing 721,depressed,Do emotional wounds take longer to heal as you grow older?,speaker,1,Trueaskreddit doesn't have any comments...,0.0,neutral,annoyed 721,depressed,Do emotional wounds take longer to heal as you grow older?,listener_1,2,"I am hitting 40, I went through a reawakening of my spirit and soul as I crossed 39. I'm not that old, but I can say, getting over emotional scars have been much more difficult since I was 20. I've struggled with depression since I was young, bouncing back each time I sunk seems to take longer each time. ",-0.8907,negative,sentimental 721,depressed,Do emotional wounds take longer to heal as you grow older?,speaker,3,"This guy gave some insight, thought I should let you know https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueAskReddit/comments/6i05ap/do_emotional_wounds_take_longer_to_heal_as_you/dj516rb/?utm_content=permalink&utm_medium=front&utm_source=reddit&utm_name=TrueAskReddit If you have any more input, feel free to comment.",0.552,positive,neutral 721,depressed,Do emotional wounds take longer to heal as you grow older?,listener_1,4,"The points made are definitely valid, maturity and consequences of any action take different forms the moment we gain a higher understanding of whom we are, and that others have those same understandings when they have at least equal emotional maturity. Though, I'd like to add that some individuals either are not at, or do not wish to be at that emotional maturity. This can be observed with people that find it easy, or not consequential to ignore another person's well being, abandon them, or simply try to forget them. ",0.8706,positive,agreeing 721,depressed,Do emotional wounds take longer to heal as you grow older?,speaker,5,">Though, I'd like to add that some individuals either are not at, or do not wish to be at that emotional maturity. This can be observed with people that find it easy, or not consequential to ignore another person's well being, abandon them, or simply try to forget them. Solid stuff. I didn't even think of that but it's definitely a topic that isn't getting the attention it deserves. The implications are simply huge. I do think differing personality types may have a role there. Something like 16 personality types for humans? Not sure how true it is but worth a read up to see how it fits in.",0.8416,positive,agreeing 722,depressed,Choice to live or not,speaker,1,"Hello to anyone who is taking the time to read this I want to first off thank you because you have the power to save me. For a little background I was depressed in Hs and I always just played video games when I wasn't in school or playing a sport that season. I was a tremendous athlete but my grades always lacked and it caused me to go to community college. I never got my grades up and wasn't able to continue my playing career which was my life long dream. I had potential to be professional although not likely because of the odds that would come true. I had a 4 year gf from 2012-2016 and I was in a codependent relationship where her anxiety levels were so high she couldn't even drive. She lived in Long Island which is about 45 mins away without traffic. I did everything for her and I did get things back in return but not that often but I loved her so deeply and it was my first relationship I put up with it. Now for the last 6 months since I've been single I've struggled with isolation not having a job and grinding thru college I'm finally in my senior year and I'm 24. I don't have many close friends and I somehow just can't connect with people like I would like to. When something upsets me I keep it to myself and do not open up to people. I let people walk all over me and make others happy first always. Never selfish ever. I just want to end my life because I hate the way I'm wired and I may be a good looking guy , that's what the girls tell me and a good family but I just don't see the point in living when I haven't been happy in so long consistently. I've always been depressed but my ex gf covered up that feeling with love. Anything you want to respond to is fine or if you want to message me I can answer any questions or concerns. I really appreciate anyone who took the time to read this. I do want to live. But I want to end this pain ",0.9829,positive,ashamed 722,depressed,Choice to live or not,listener_1,2,"Some advice I wish I had when I was your age: Go see a doctor. Get on a med--it may take some time to find one that works. Get a psych or therapist to work on some coping strategies. Start running or working out. Get better sleep (very important). Start volunteering--you can be a gift to someone in need. Not every day is going to be good, but keep at it. ",0.7389,positive,caring 722,depressed,Choice to live or not,speaker,3,Thanks I think I should volenteer somewhere that might really help me feel useful ,0.8313,positive,suggesting 722,depressed,Choice to live or not,speaker,4,Thanks I think I should volenteer somewhere that might really help me feel useful ,0.8313,positive,suggesting 722,depressed,Choice to live or not,speaker,5,Hey message me I can't figure out how to do it. I really would like to talk ,0.4173,positive,questioning 723,depressed,Need someone,speaker,1,"Have you ever just needed someone you can confide in. Just someone. Don't even need to hear from them, just someone to listen. Someone to understand. All I need right now is someone besides myself to listen. I've pushed too many away. I'm isolated. Whenever I try to reach out I'm shut down. It's not even worth trying anymore. That's how I feel about life as well at times. Is it worth it? I'm having my doubts. All I am and all I ever will be is a disappointment to the people around me. The very few people around me who every day drift further away. I'm sorry. ",-0.6874,negative,lonely 723,depressed,Need someone,listener_1,2,I know how you feel. I'll listen,0.0,neutral,agreeing 723,depressed,Need someone,listener_2,3,do they have a difference in opinion? How much does their opinion matter? have you considered talking to a counselor?,0.163,positive,questioning 723,depressed,Need someone,speaker,4,Basically were supportive for one day and then ignore the fact I might have a problem after that. They think counselling is a waste of money and if I were to talk to anyone id just talk to them. Problem is I can't talk with them without being constantly reminded how much of a fuck up I am and it really goes no where,-0.9257,negative,angry 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,speaker,1,"Everyday I think to myself that I hate this life. I just want to die but I'm a mum to four girls, 10,6,3, and 6 weeks old. I have a good partner who works and we are about to build a house I should be happy but I just don't feel that way. I don't feel good enough for him. I used to be so happy and pretty then my last relationship before my current partner led me down a shit road and I ended up in jail for a year, ever since that I've been fd in the head. I have massive anxiety and even find it hard to pick up my girls from school. I'm just hopeless. I find it hard to speak to people and if I feel nervous I can't get the words out right and end up looking stupid. I just want to be happy again but I feel trapped. I wish I could just end it but thinking about leaving my daughters without a mum is heart breaking. ",0.8073,positive,ashamed 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,listener_1,2,"look for a hobby, or club that might make you happy. Spend time with your daughters and enjoy life to its fullest. If this thought continues plz call a hotline",0.802,positive,questioning 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,listener_1,3,Other than your partner getting you in a bad situation ,-0.5423,negative,angry 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,speaker,4,It's saying I wrote this 105days ago and I still feel the same how pathetic I am ,-0.5719,negative,embarrassed 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,listener_2,5,You know what. I feel the same fucking way. Since that time I just realised how pathetic I am as well. ,-0.3818,negative,ashamed 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,speaker,6,Well we are both pathetic then .,-0.3818,negative,neutral 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,listener_2,7,I guess we are. How's your life been pathetic since then? ,-0.5719,negative,questioning 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,speaker,8,So I have been diagnosed. I am Bipolar. ,0.0,neutral,sad 724,depressed,I hate myself I just want to die,speaker,9,"Kind of. I just struggle with myself, i need to go see a dr I'm just holding off bc I'm scared. ",-0.2023,negative,apprehensive 725,depressed,I feel like a worthless ugly piece of shit and dont know what to do. help??,speaker,1,"ok so I never really posted something like this on here, so be patient with me if I sound stupid lmao. I'm a 19 year old female, and I've been battling depression since about 10 years old. Its very sometimesy - sometimes I feel as if I've overcomed my depression but next thing you know it comes back even worse than it was before. Now let me start with some background info. I used to get bullied as a child, I never really had friends throughout school. People would call me ugly, weird, lame, etc. Personally I feel as if I have a wonderful personality. I wouldn't call myself ugly either- I have a nice body. My face is okay, however I feel like I need a nose job ASAP. My nose is extremely uneven and disproportional to my face. I look weird. Not ugly- I just don't look like how I feel like I should. I could be so much prettier...I just can't afford plastic surgery. and I know I sound like such a self absorbed idiot, but it's just how I feel. sorry not sorry. anyways. I've had a couple relationships here and there but they've never really worked out well for me. This somewhat made me feel worse about myself. Theres this one guy in my life who I love dearly, however we are really on and off. Its frustrating. I don't want to deal with that on and off bullshit, I want to be happy with somebody. But I feel like I'll never love somebody the way I love him. I wish I could get him to just realize this. But its whatever, I don't even really care about my love life anymore. Aside from that I'm a college student and I fucking hate college. I don't even know what I want to do with my life. I'm just doing it just so my parents don't bitch at me and kick me out the house for being a dumb bitch lol. Sorry this is me ranting about how I'm fed up with my life, and my depression has taken a toll on me. I feel stupid, ugly, worthless, dumb, the list goes on. You name it. I feel like I can't do anything right. I honestly would kill myself if I had the guts to do it....But I don't. I just want to be happy, I look at other people and I think wow, they have their lives so put together. They look good. However I'm ugly and my life is shit. I WANT TO DIE! I JUST FEEL LIKE I HAVE NO REASON TO BE HERE ANYMORE AND LIFE SUCKS. point blank period",-0.9843,negative,ashamed 725,depressed,I feel like a worthless ugly piece of shit and dont know what to do. help??,listener_1,2,"Sorry i don't have anything useful to say but I really relate to this, especially the last couple of points but if you want someone to talk to you can PM me (also 19F)",-0.1035,negative,sympathizing 725,depressed,I feel like a worthless ugly piece of shit and dont know what to do. help??,speaker,3,thank you :) I appreciate it. ,0.802,positive,acknowledging 726,depressed,"No hopes, no plans",speaker,1,"Posting because anyone who knew me would throw me in a mental facility ""for my own good "". I just want to know is anyone else just going through life waiting for that one thing to make them snap and finally end it all? i dont have any long term goals past getting to the same shitty job i have on time everyday. Not asking for advice just wondering if im the only one who genuinely doesnt care or see the difference between life and death. Honestly death sounds alot easier right about now.",-0.7208,negative,apprehensive 727,depressed,I feel such a deep heart piercing bout of depression while simultaneously feeling empty.,speaker,1,Fuck man...,-0.5423,negative,angry 727,depressed,I feel such a deep heart piercing bout of depression while simultaneously feeling empty.,listener_1,2,"It's scary, that void.",-0.4939,negative,acknowledging 727,depressed,I feel such a deep heart piercing bout of depression while simultaneously feeling empty.,speaker,3,"Honestly, it is",0.4588,positive,agreeing 728,depressed,I feel like my younger sister overshadows me in every say,speaker,1,"*Way instead of say. She has better grades and more friends than me. She has a better time in school than I used to, and that's mainly because she doesn't have Asperger's/Autism like I did in High School and school in general. I feel like she succeeds me in every single way and whenever I tell mom about this, I feel like she doesn't listen. She usually discards it as you're smart you should know this or you should put in more effort as if she never knew how I felt. I feel like I wasted my life for not having good grades in school. College didn't work out for me the first (two) time(s). I went to BMCC in August 16' but had to drop out due to commute and medication issues in November last year. I went to Plattsburgh this June but had to drop out due to how far it was from home and the lack of on-campus classes. I am 19 and have been unemployed since March due to how I was let go in that month. I can't help but feel like I failed myself for being in such a position.",-0.5857,negative,jealous 728,depressed,I feel like my younger sister overshadows me in every say,listener_1,2,"All I can say is try not to compare yourself to other people, plus you've had a lot more to work through. Just try to do your best now.",0.6369,positive,neutral 728,depressed,I feel like my younger sister overshadows me in every say,speaker,3,"Your response is fine. In fact, I prefer most people's responses to be lengthly, regardless of what reddit it is. I don't know what my sister failed in, but I do know that she's had better grades than me in the past, often more than not overshadowing me in every way. However, when it comes to finances and such, I seem to be better. But it's just that living...no...almost everything...just seems like a competition with her. Nobody has really considered my interests. I sometimes don't know whether I'm dumb or not and I often have doubts about my skills. I feel like I should've sorted out everything in the get-go, but I didn't. I don't know whether or not I am intelligent in that regard. I wish to be smart, but I feel so dumb.",0.7281,positive,jealous 728,depressed,I feel like my younger sister overshadows me in every say,listener_2,4,"Yeah, I've been there. I guess feeling dumb is relative. I can't remember who said this but I think it's a great rule to live by, ""we can only try to be better than the past versions of ourselves"". As long as I feel that I'm smarter or more mature or more sensible than myself in the past, then I'm satisfied. If you keep improving, you're doing all you can. Hope it helps :) Edit: I found the quote: “There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."" - Ernest Hemingway (trust Hemingway, the dude was awesome).",0.996,positive,content 729,depressed,"Any time I try to improve myself, it's more then just that one activity I have to overcome.",speaker,1," I'm in the military, which means I have access to gyms for free. And mental health benifits. Today my shrink, who I barely get to see, and for 30 minutes at that (Because a lot of dudes are trying to get out of the upcoming deployment so they're trying to claim crazy.) Told me I should exercise. I like exercise. I'm an excellent runner, and I smoke a pack a day. I'm talking 2 miles in 10 minutes type good. But I hate running. It's ugly, I'm making myself skinnier, my knees and hips are starting to hurt, girls don't look for guys that run. I like lifting weights. But I don't like people. I get up at 5 a.m and get off work around 5pm-7pm regulary. Today I decided to go back into the gym and try again. Sooo many people. Sooo many scantily clad girls. I haven't been laid in so long, or had any type of intimacy, that I get anxious just seeing them from so far away. Everyones around the bench, the squat rack, the freeweights, there's no fucking room. I tried really hard to pep myself, but like so many other times I left. I miss deployment. I miss feeling like at one point of my life I wasn't a puny, ugly, beta fuck. How I fooled myself into thinking when I returned home I might have room for romance in my life. I've been successful at hiding behind a mask at work. Everyone thinks I seem depressed all the time because they believe I've seen a lot of shit or something. The truth is, I've always felt like this. I enlisted in the military to become resilient, to discipline my mind. To learn how to fight without being scared. To become jacked, and have money. But I'm not disciplined, I'm not resilient, I was scared to hell when the fight came, I still hate fighting, I'm a whole 20lbs heavier then I was when I enlisted (a whopping 154lbs at 5'11). I have money, but I don't want to spend it. Idk where to turn now. My therapist is good, but I don't get to see her enough. I still feel isolated. No girl that I like, likes me for me. I'm 25 and never been on a date. I keep hoping I won't wake up, or that I get cancer, or I finally get the courage to do myself in. I'm so exghausted. ",-0.9843,negative,grateful 729,depressed,"Any time I try to improve myself, it's more then just that one activity I have to overcome.",listener_1,2,"It sounds to me that you need to let it all out and be yourself. You say that no girl likes you for you but you also hide behind a mask at work. The way out here is a middle ground. You definitely don't need to awkwardly shove all your issues on to your colleagues but you also shouldn't hide them all either. I assume a lot of the reason you see your therapist as being so good is that she allows you to talk and be yourself to another human. There's no need to close yourself off outside of that though. Most (good) people are more than happy to listen to your problems and will be sympathetic to you (on top of this, people get quite flattered when you confide in them (even if it's just a little thing) and that'll improve whatever relationship you have with them so you can get more support from them and have a good friend which always helps). On your physical concerns, I think it's misunderstood just how shite war is. Anyone who isn't scared of a fight is an insane person (the fight or flight response is a physical, evolutionary beneficial reaction and certainly nothing to be ashamed of). In terms of weight, you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. [I calculated your BMI](https://i.imgur.com/nldQDet.png) and you're actually the ideal weight for a 5'11 guy your age. This is long and rambling now so I'll get to the point. I think you'd see a lot of progress if you found something that you can just shut your brain of and enjoy. It could be [Japanese wrestling](http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x481a7o) (this seems right up your alley by the way (and it really gave me something to get excited about (also if you do get into it, which I recommend, come join us at /r/SquaredCircle for some light hearted discussion))), action movies or fucking barbershop quartets. Just something to get you out of your own head and out of this downward spiral of thinking that you've got. Trust me, it'll help. Hope you found this post helpful and I REALLY hope you watched that match because it's fucking awesome.",0.9982,positive,trusting 729,depressed,"Any time I try to improve myself, it's more then just that one activity I have to overcome.",speaker,3,"That video was awesome! I feel you man. I've tried traveling and stuff, and I've been trying to get out there in social groups but it's... challenging. Thanks for that bit on the BMI, I didn't know that. I'd write more but I'm busy. Thanks again brother. ",0.9089,positive,acknowledging 730,depressed,I feel empty,speaker,1,"I lost the one person who I've always dreamed of and I'm the reason she is no longer here, I fucked up. They don't want me anymore and here I am wishing to disappear. This isn't another dude crying because their girlfriend is gone, she was more than that and the thought of me ever being with anyone else rather than her hurts me. Then there is a lucky guy one day who is gonna take her...man, such is life, and I hate it. ",-0.8902,negative,sad 730,depressed,I feel empty,listener_1,2,"Hey. I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Your post resonated with me - and although I can't claim to fully understand your suffering, I am also going through heartbreak. I know that feeling, feeling like it's all your own fault... ",-0.8791,negative,sympathizing 730,depressed,I feel empty,speaker,3,"I regret being how I was... I just care/cared so much, you know?",-0.4215,negative,guilty 730,depressed,I feel empty,listener_1,4,Same here. I think my excessive caring for them ended up being offputting. It hurts to care so much. ,0.5106,positive,ashamed 730,depressed,I feel empty,speaker,5,I'd have a beer with you if I could,0.0,neutral,neutral 730,depressed,I feel empty,listener_1,6,"Yeah, same to you. I wish you the best. Feel free to pm me if you want to keep talking.",0.9136,positive,wishing 731,depressed,I don't know what my reason is for keep on keeping on. Can someone tell me?,speaker,1,"I am 29 years old; I have a mechanical mitral heart valve and have to go get my INR checked weekly bc of the blood thinner I am on prescribed. I have severe PTSD from childhood trauma & a sexual assault I survived in my earlier twenties. I see my psychiatrist every two to three months, and my counselor bi weekly to weekly. I don't like leaving my house because the fear of having any sort of interaction with strangers triggers my panic/anxiety and I begin to sweat profusely, which triggers my panic and anxiety even more. It helps if I have someone go with me. When I do leave my house by the time I get home I am completely and utterly exhausted, even if I've only been gone 10 minutes. I am on a lot of medications for my heart condition and my ptsd and social phobia. I feel consumed. I hate being sick, I'm tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling like this. The most meaningful human social interactions I have outside from family are with the nurses that check my INR at the clinic every week. This isn't the life I envisioned for myself. This isn't the life I dreamed of or dream of. But... like I said. I am so tired. I don't know what I am living for anymore. Why am I continuing? ",-0.8708,negative,afraid 731,depressed,I don't know what my reason is for keep on keeping on. Can someone tell me?,listener_1,2,"Whenever I see this question asked (I'm on this sub fairly often so I see it asked quite frequently), I think of [this scene from Woody Allen's *Manhattan*](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKTQ4a3BR5c). I subscribe to the same thinking as Allen here. He lists what he personally would miss if he were no longer alive, the things that he's passionate about: jazz, Swedish films and the people he truly loves. Obviously, this sort of thing is highly personal, ironically, if I were to make a similar list, Woody Allen would be on it. I'd hate to miss out on any film Allen is going to make in the future, to not see the ones I haven't caught up on yet or to not be able to re-watch *Annie Hall* every six months. My point is, you've got to find what you're passionate about be it botany, table tennis or Woody Allen films and focus on that, not whatever hardships you need to endure to experience these passions. Keep your eyes on these things and life will seem distinctly more worthwhile. You could even write them down to remind yourself if that'd help. Hope this has helped.",0.9394,positive,nostalgic 731,depressed,I don't know what my reason is for keep on keeping on. Can someone tell me?,listener_2,3,"SECTION | CONTENT :--|:-- Title | What Makes Life Worth Living? Description | Woody Allen talking about What Makes Life Worth Living in the movie Manhattan. Uploaded for the Fall 2010 LS&A Theme Semester http://wmlwl.wordpress.com Length | 0:01:13 **** ^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/u/video_descriptionbot) ^| ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=video_descriptionbot&subject=Feedback) ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)",-0.1263,negative,proud 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,speaker,1,"I glimpse into the lives of those I know and they've all got something. Most have something in life, whether that be a girlfriend, a hobby, something that interests them and makes them unique. I have nothing. Nobody loves me, and I feel as if nobody ever will. Unlovable. I don't have anything going for me. I excel in school, but I have no interest in anything after school. I don't know what my purpose is, and I cannot create purpose for myself. I just want someone to be there for me, someone who understands and values what I have to say. I have so much to give, but I'm alone. I'm a 17 year old dude, and whenever I check my snapchat, everyone is having fun. I just want to have fun too, live life in general, but I'm too sad to do anything.",0.3421,positive,jealous 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,listener_1,2,"It sounds like the first big hurdle you've got to improving is finding an interest that you can do by yourself. For me, my life got markedly easier when I became interested in films (this was when I was about 16 and kind of miserable). I watched films everyday and learnt about films and how they're made and fucking loved it. Not only did this give me something to do, it made my life a lot more enjoyable than before and the vast knowledge and passion I gained made me a much more interesting person. Now I'm not suggesting you start watching films because that may not be where passion lies. If you don't have anything that you're passionate about you've got to try things until you find something. Preferably something you can do on your own, that will improve you as a person and that you enjoy. This may not seem to link to someone loving you but I assure it does. What most people overlook is that you've got should be able to spend time with yourself before you expect someone else to spend time with you. (And here's another tip: learning to enjoy your own company is always going to be more important than enjoying the company others since you're with yourself literally all the time). So for now focus on getting some interests and, crucially, something that you're passionate about. Worry about other people afterwards. Hope this helps.",0.9917,positive,impressed 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,speaker,3,"I think you're right. I'm extremely passionate about making music. I've been playing guitar and drums for years. I'm going to start focusing on writing my own shit, and I'll find someone to play for later. Thanks for your advice- I really appreciate it.",0.8476,positive,agreeing 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,speaker,4,You have Instagram?,0.0,neutral,questioning 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,listener_2,5,It's rut.hella,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 732,depressed,Why wont anyone love me?,listener_2,6,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 733,depressed,Getting there,speaker,1,"Existing hurts. I'm sitting in my bathroom right now listening to the shower run. There's basically nothing wrong in my life besides being very poor and being in desperate need of a dentist. But what's the fucking point. Why the fuck should I care. I've always wanted to die I thought moving out on my own would help but it just makes things more tempting. I feel like my presence is an intrusion on everyone. I can feel how much I corrode the people around me. People think I have an attitude or something, always. So often I think I might just be negative. Maybe I'm just not good for anybody lol. ",-0.8214,negative,sad 733,depressed,Getting there,listener_1,2,"**I just posted this in another thread but I think it answers your ""Why the fuck should I care"" question.** Whenever I see this question asked (I'm on this sub fairly often so I see it asked quite frequently), I think of [this scene from Woody Allen's Manhattan](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKTQ4a3BR5c). I subscribe to the same thinking as Allen here. He lists what he personally would miss if he were no longer alive, the things that he's passionate about: jazz, Swedish films and the people he truly loves. Obviously, this sort of thing is highly personal, ironically, if I were to make a similar list, Woody Allen would be on it. I'd hate to miss out on any film Allen is going to make in the future, to not see the ones I haven't caught up on yet or to not be able to re-watch Annie Hall every six months. My point is, you've got to find what you're passionate about be it botany, table tennis or Woody Allen films and focus on that, not whatever hardships you need to endure to experience these passions. Keep your eyes on these things and life will seem distinctly more worthwhile. You could even write them down to remind yourself if that'd help. Hope this has helped.",0.97,positive,impressed 733,depressed,Getting there,listener_2,3,"SECTION | CONTENT :--|:-- Title | What Makes Life Worth Living? Description | Woody Allen talking about What Makes Life Worth Living in the movie Manhattan. Uploaded for the Fall 2010 LS&A Theme Semester http://wmlwl.wordpress.com Length | 0:01:13 **** ^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/u/video_descriptionbot) ^| ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=video_descriptionbot&subject=Feedback) ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)",-0.1263,negative,proud 733,depressed,Getting there,listener_1,4,STOP,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 734,depressed,What's the point of life?,speaker,1,"I've been feeling empty, I have no energy, I get good grades, I am on an academic scholarship to my school, yet I struggle to focus on my studies, I don't see the reason behind trying, since every decision we make is based on chemical reactions, not love or happiness or sadness, they are illusions created to add purpose to our lives when our only real goal is to produce offspring and continue our bloodline. I understand that some of you will talk about finding a reason to live or some bullshit, but I want to die, I'm not strong enough to do it, but I hate my life, everyone around me continues like robots, they do the same thing every day and I don't see the point, we all die in the end and experience doesn't matter, because when we die our mind simply erases, resets, and as our bodies decompose we lose our memories, nothing in this life matters, so why continue? I feel sad all the time and I can't concentrate, I get angry over trivial things, I used to enjoy school and sport, but now they just seem like obstacles that have no real contribution to my existence.",-0.9913,negative,sad 734,depressed,What's the point of life?,listener_1,2,"I used to feel the same way, but then I got a puppy and I spent years struggling to help her lead a happy life. I found meaning in her complete dependance on me and her ignorance of all the problems you've described. I was her reason for life and she thanked me for it everyday which gave me purpose. After that, my daughter was born and I now had someone with whom I could experience completely unselfish love. I looked at her with bewilderment as she found joy doing things I once found joy in and I studied what excited her. I realized that we're all just in a waiting room for death and we can teach each other some cools things to help pass the time. Treat the world as a giant amusement park where you just want to go on as many rides as you can before the park closes. True happiness comes in companionship and unconditional love. If you haven't found that yet because you hate yourself, than find something that doesn't deserve to be hated. If something else can love you than maybe you can love yourself.",0.9933,positive,faithful 734,depressed,What's the point of life?,listener_2,3,"SECTION | CONTENT :--|:-- Title | Determinism vs Free Will: Crash Course Philosophy #24 Description | Do we really have free will? Today Hank explores possible answers to that question, explaining theories like libertarian free will and it’s counterpoint, hard determinism. Get your own Crash Course Philosophy mug from DFTBA: http://store.dftba.com/products/crashcourse-philosophy-mug The Latest from PBS Digital Studios: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1mtdjDVOoOqJzeaJAV15Tq0tZ1vKj7ZV -- Images via ThinkStock Produced in collaboration with PBS Digital Studios: http://youtube.com/pbsdi... Length | 0:10:26 **** ^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/u/video_descriptionbot) ^| ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=video_descriptionbot&subject=Feedback) ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)",0.7495,positive,excited 735,depressed,Just read the post,speaker,1,"I'll keep this plain and simple I hate myself so much, I'm stuck in a void where all I can see is nothing.",-0.7152,negative,lonely 735,depressed,Just read the post,listener_1,2,Would you like to elaborate?,0.3612,positive,questioning 735,depressed,Just read the post,speaker,3,"No seriously, I hate myself because I am slowly becoming the person I never wanted to be.",-0.4909,negative,ashamed 736,depressed,I feel that I'm gravitating towards having a vice.,speaker,1,"Lately I've been in the dumps, no pun intended. I lost someone irreplaceable and I miss them, it was my fault and if I would of just been myself instead of being scared, I would still have them in my life and quite possibly had a future together. My defense mechanism was too much. Now I have to face the fact I'm being replaced, sooner or later. Part of me wants to kill myself but right now I just care about the people in my household enough to not end it all just yet. I feel I need a vice, this is because I have no regards for my own well being and I need an escape. I knew my worth at one point but I've been feeling worthless for the last few months and now I know I am. ",-0.5187,negative,sad 736,depressed,I feel that I'm gravitating towards having a vice.,listener_1,2,"Well I can certainly notice one good thing about you, you know that you messed up and exactly how. This means that you can fairly easily focus on improving in future. You may feel like shit now but in the future, once you've moved past this stage in your life (perhaps found someone new) you'll be glad that you had this level of introspection.",0.8201,positive,agreeing 736,depressed,I feel that I'm gravitating towards having a vice.,speaker,3,"Shit, thanks man!",-0.2481,negative,acknowledging 737,depressed,Late Night Venting,speaker,1,"Just posting because I need to vent. I went to bed in somewhat a good mood for once but after about 10 minutes I had a panic att lol and am riddled with my usual thought of ""I hate myself, I hate my life, everyone hates me, I must be a screw up, etc."" I just feel like I don't have support anymore and it is making my depression even harder to manage. I have no solid friends to talk to, my boyfriend is causing some of my anxieties, my roommates have their own shit and I don't like adding to theirs, and my family... pretty sure is one of the biggest triggers for me. I have depression that is absolutely debilitating... my limps go numb and tingle, my headaches and migraines make me lose train of thought, I experience short term memory loss and so on. I just feel so lost. I'm on an anti depressant for the 1st time since I began experiencing generalized depression as a child... it hasn't been enough time to kick in but even when it does I feel like my life is heavy enough that they won't be very effective. I used to have so much faith in the fact that my life may one day improve but I don't even have that glimmer of hope left in me. Thank you for allowing me to vent. It helps a little.",-0.9908,negative,sad 737,depressed,Late Night Venting,listener_1,2,"If you ever have that feeling that you don't have any support, feel free to PM and we can talk it out.",0.3699,positive,questioning 737,depressed,Late Night Venting,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 737,depressed,Late Night Venting,speaker,4,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 738,depressed,Sigh,speaker,1,"There is nothing about life that I currently enjoy, or maybe even ever enjoyed. I have no happy memories of my childhood, or memories at all. I think that's because a memory has to be an important moment in your life, and I haven't had many of those. I don't feel like explaining my problems for the fiftieth time, but I just wanted to say some things. I always found it nice to talk on here. My problems don't seem to be solving themselves. That's kinda obvious, why would they untie themselves? You can't untie a knot without effort. I don't have the strength to untie any of my knots, though. Even if I did have the strength to untie one, if not all, of my knots, what will that do? Life will still never meet the incredibly high expectations I had for it. I will most likely never reach my expectations. I will most likely never achieve many of my goals. Why should I take that risk? Why should I go on if all the things I've ever wanted will most likely never be achieved? Why should I go on if things could get worse, and most probably will? I have seen happiness before. Happiness for me seems to come from other people. With happiness being that, it is difficult to live when I am shy, have social anxiety, and overly self-loathe in/from social situations. I met somebody at a mental hospital the other day who was amazing. We had similar interests (which is somewhat rare for me), I did not feel anxious talking to her, and she seemed to enjoy talking to me. She seemed to be one of the only people who I'd ever felt connected with, one of the few people who've made me happy. But now, I'm talking to her less and less. If I disconnect from her, I will have literally nothing to live for and I probably will attempt suicide. I feel so trapped right now. Fuck anxiety. Fuck this shit. Fuck it all.",-0.9072,negative,lonely 738,depressed,Sigh,listener_1,2,"Thanks for sharing this. I can definitely relate. I have been feeling like this since my grandma's death and my broken engagement. I, too, feel like when I am happy it comes from some kind of connection with other people. I can find some degree of happiness reading a book, playing a game or going on a walk, but it never creates the same kind of happiness that comes out of social interaction. I tend to be shy and feel socially awkward, but when I ""click"" with someone it is really nice. Sometimes people go in and out of my life, and it really sucks. It makes me feel like, why try to build relationships in the first place if myself and those people are just going to drift apart? I don't know the answer. ",0.9107,positive,lonely 738,depressed,Sigh,speaker,3,Well said. This probably describes me more than I could describe myself.,0.2732,positive,agreeing 738,depressed,Sigh,listener_1,4,Wish I could just pick myself back up and appear normal like the rest. My friends don't want to be around me as much now that I'm going through something. I hope you feel better. ,0.9166,positive,hopeful 738,depressed,Sigh,speaker,5,Thank you. I hope you get better too. Hang in there,0.8074,positive,consoling 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,speaker,1,"(26 F) Ok, so I *know* depression is a mental disorder. It doesn't care how rich, pretty, well-off, successful you are, etc. I've always been a very positive person, things rarely get me down, and I feel on top of the world. Sure, at times I get upset about things and maybe feel a little sad. As a kid, I would often feel sad or alone because I was very shy and didn't have many friends. But overall I'm positive and friendly and chipper and am the person to see the best in any situation. At least I used to be that way. Lately, I wake up and feel.... nothing. No passion, no happiness, no motivation, no appetite. I'm just a shell of a human. Walking along with no purpose. I've been though a lot. A bad childhood, joined a cult and got married at 17, lost all friends/family, then my husband became (mentally, emotionally, and physically) abusive. I was with him for six years. Then I finally left him and was homeless for a while. Then I had medical problems that led to heart surgery. During those times, I was strong AF! I put on a brave face. I did what I had to do to survive. Now (2 years later) life has slowed down and gotten normal. I'm close with my family again, I have a wonderful partner, a steady job that I love and am really good at, I have a nice apartment with lots of cute things, I make good money, and have slowly been learning how to deal with my finances better. I'm relatively healthy and attractive. I was diagnosed with PTSD (caused by my marriage) and finally got an official diagnosis of depression as well. This has all been in the last 6-9 months. I'm now seeing a therapist twice a month, and started (today) taking antidepressants. The thing is, since life has been getting ""good"", I feel like my depression has been getting worse and worse. I feel helpless and unmotivated more than I ever have before. I feel worthless. I've been missing a lot of work (I've taken five unpaid days in the last two weeks), slacking on my diet and exercise, and not making smart financial choices. My ex husbands voice is constantly in my head, after I was doing so well pushing it out and ignoring it since leaving him. Why am I like this? I don't have a reason to feel this way and act out like this. I just want to be happy. I should be. I have so much going for me. I've worked so hard to be where I am and it feels like I'm shooting myself in the foot every time I have a depressed episode. I just don't know what do to. I feel so useless. So dumb for letting myself fail at life this way, right when things are good, after the hell I have been through. Thanks for letting me vent. ",0.868,positive,lonely 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,listener_1,2,"You sound smart, and I think you did a very good job of answering your own question. This is just how it works. It sucks. I had kind off the same happen. I was able to seperate myself from my emotions and being hurt for a very long time, untill one evening I sat down under a tree, and enjoyed the sunset. Someone came up to me, and asked me if I was alright, and it didn't take long before I was crying. I realise that these situations are very different, but I'm just saying that it's normal to snap when you finally get a break. Good luck.",0.8921,positive,sentimental 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,speaker,3,"I hadn't thought of that, but it's possible. It seems that my depression really manifests itself when I feel like I have everything ""figured out"" or things have fallen into place. That's really something to think about!",-0.7463,negative,surprised 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,speaker,4,"I have hobbies. I do needlepoint, I volunteer, I bake, help host fundraisers for local groups, in involved in my local politics. I spend a lot of time with my family. I stay busy. That's what is so frustrating. ",-0.2596,negative,disappointed 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,listener_2,5,Ok but do any of those things make your life feel worth living? Are you excited to do them? ,0.7514,positive,questioning 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,speaker,6,"I love most of them. Being with my family after being estranged for years is great. Needlepoint gives me something creative to do, and even offers me a way to earn money. I love being part of my community as I wasn't able to previously due to life circumstances. I honestly feel like I am the happiest I've ever been in life. But my brain disagrees. ",0.8779,positive,content 739,depressed,No reason to be depressed,listener_2,7,Well this is where we get into the clinical side,0.2732,positive,neutral 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",speaker,1,"Holy shit I feel so alone right now. No friends my age. I'm losing my social skills due to my isolation. I recently moved back in with my parents, but they're super strict. They convinced me to do it and I kind of regret it. I'm 21 now and can't drink and still get bitched at about a messy room. I'm currently between jobs and applying like a motherfucker, but nobody has hired me. I sleep long hours and binge on Netflix. I've had a couple suicidal thoughts, but I just push them out of my mind. My parents tell my little brother that I'm a disappointment and that they ""still have hope"" that he'll turn out better. I just needed to get this all off my chest. Keeping it all in wears on me.",-0.9588,negative,lonely 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you tried going places that have other people around, but you don't have to interact with them? Like a library or movie theater. Those always make me feel better. I'm not so lonely, but I still don't have to talk to others. As far as your living situation, are your parents expecting you to live with them for a certain amount of time? Hopefully you can get out of there sooner rather than later. For work you could try those online survey things. It takes a while to add up, but it's something I've done in the past to occupy my time while earning some cash. ",0.9516,positive,questioning 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",speaker,3,"I was actually at the mall today, but I didn't know how to act around people. Even worse my mom was there holding my arm. As for the living situation, they basically manipulated me. They want me to live with them until I finish college. I turned down a chance to travel the world and get my college paid in full. All in an effort to make them proud. ",-0.1154,negative,trusting 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",listener_1,4,"I understand the want to make your parents proud, but your happiness and well-being come first. Is the opportunity to travel completely out of grasp now? Even if you can't travel, I would really consider getting out of that house as quickly as possible if things are as bad as you say. ",0.7227,positive,questioning 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",speaker,5,"Unfortunately, it is. I signed a Military Reserve contract binding me to my unit in the States. If ant switch to Active Duty which get to travel the world. I'm working on moving out, but nobody wants to hire me. I'm sure things will work out, but right now I just feel shitty",-0.4215,negative,devastated 740,depressed,"Surrounded by people, yet alone.",listener_1,6,"Yeah, I'm sorry. I admit it would be hard not to feel that way. :( keep your chin up, things WILL get better. <3",0.3182,positive,sympathizing 741,depressed,"After a year, I finally feel like I've just died inside.",speaker,1,"This is a long rant and I am not really thinking very clearly so this might be full of typos and not make much sense but maybe even typing this might help me. I have been struggling massively with depression over the past year, It all begin with a breakup with someone I was and still am deeply in love with, I couldnt eat or move or function. I dragged myself through these times knowing breakups are difficult and cause everyone sadness, I partied alot with friends took drugs drank excessively and soon realised this was making me a lot worse and cut this out. I got into another ""relationship"" over the Christmas period which i was thankful for as it allowed me somewhere to go away from home as I found christmas at home difficult. This relationship soon broke up as he didn't want a monogamous relationship. I met up with my ex several times who I am deeply in love with over the course of the following months and one morning he told me he had a new girlfriend. I havent seen him since this and still think about him every single day and wish more than anything I could go back to my time with him. For the past 8 months I've been fighting every single day to get out of this dark void, everyday in my life feels filled with hopelessness and despair. Despite a failed relationship my life is great and I feel so guilty that I feel this way. I have had therapy which i then left as the therapist would constantly talk about herself and her struggles and tell me i'm pretty so should be happy. I have tried antidepressants and found them impossible to live taking,I felt foggy and forgetful and couldn't do my job with it. Moving forward to today, I am trying to have no relationship with any men so I can learn to find happiness alone, ive joined a gym and been exercising 3 times a weeks to get some endorphines to help. I've taken a mood diary. Eating well. However I am in a very high pressured job, I find it a struggle to get into work every day and when i do come home for the weekends I then find myself afraid to have time alone as I am so lonely and deep in my depression. On monday I had a break down to my manager and I have been given two weeks of stress leave from work by my gp and manager. My career is the only thing in my life I have ever been good and successful at and know I feel like i've thrown it away also. Today I slept all day long I had planned to go shopping today and have a nice lunch and everytime I thought of leaving the house i felt crippled with sadness and panic and fear. I haven't eaten much in days and I have spent the past 4 hours trying to get myself to go to the shop to buy food and i cant explain it but i cant bring myself to leave the house. I feel like I have been fighting and fighting for the tinest bit of relief and happiness to come back into my life for a year and its finally just got too much I feel like i've completely died inside. I can't even leave the house to get food, my future seems so hopeless. At this point I could just lay here in bed forever. Is this ever going to get better? Am I in for another year of hell? ",-0.9494,negative,ashamed 741,depressed,"After a year, I finally feel like I've just died inside.",listener_1,2,"I think you're going about this pretty well. You're clearly a strong person at the very least since you've noticed a problem and are pro-actively trying to deal with it. The one thing you've got to do now is not stop, you feel like you've completely died inside but you've just got to keep plugging away and keeping active and I reckon you'll break out of this rut. I like to think of life like a flower. When life is going well, everything seems bright and full of colour but when times are rough all we see is dark and we feel small. The important thing to remember is that the as long as the roots and rooted, the soil remains fertile and the flower is maintained, it never completely dies. We may experience long and painful winters that cause us to wilt and suffer but winters always come to an end and lead to spring as unimaginable as it may seem from the depths of a cold and lonely winter. It's tough work to maintain the flower, but it's worth it for all the joy that comes with it. If you're having one of those days when you can't seem to pull yourself out of bed, soak in some sun, drink some water and do some push ups. Activity is always better than passivity. Even flowers have to turn to face sun. This probably didn't help at all (I'm not a writer, surprisingly), but my point is keep trying to be the best person that you can be and the more you do, the sooner it'll turn around. Also, if you're ever feeling like you need to talk to someone, feel free to PM, I'd be more than happy to hash it out (probably quite poorly but I'll try :D). Hope this helps.",0.9931,positive,confident 741,depressed,"After a year, I finally feel like I've just died inside.",speaker,3,"That actually made me feel a bit happy and hopeful reading that. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it, I am going to try and think of this hard time like you have described ( a winter that will come to an end hopefully) thanks again.",0.9442,positive,encouraging 741,depressed,"After a year, I finally feel like I've just died inside.",speaker,4,thank you I will try that. It feels good to have someone rooting for me :D,0.8567,positive,acknowledging 742,depressed,Sad and alone,speaker,1,"I'm so sad and so alone. I have been through so much recently and I have nobody to talk to. Everyone says they are there for you but when it comes down to it, I have nobody. They're all busy with their own lives and nobody remembers to think about me. I'm fed up and don't want to do this anymore. Just need to figure out how to do it.",-0.4898,negative,lonely 742,depressed,Sad and alone,listener_1,2,":( I'm here to listen, I can relate to how everyone is busy with their own lives and they never think of me unless they want a favor. I haven't been through nearly as much as you have but I just want to let you know your not alone at being alone. I hope things get better. ",0.8321,positive,caring 742,depressed,Sad and alone,speaker,3,Thank u for somewhat understanding. I hope things get better too but I'm not sure if they will,0.2675,positive,consoling 742,depressed,Sad and alone,listener_2,4,>:( [Here is a picture of a kitten to cheer you up](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/3d/92/37/3d9237c6d4458a8f2c925bb37e3eb66d--baby-tuxedo-tuxedo-kitten.jpg),0.5106,positive,joyful 742,depressed,Sad and alone,listener_3,5,also thank mr skeltal for good bones and calcium[^*](https://www.reddit.com/r/tmsbmeta/comments/5xnirl/about_thankmrskeltalbot/),0.6597,positive,grateful 743,depressed,I've been stuck for like two years,speaker,1,"I have ambition, but I have no motivation. I have just enough life in me to WANT to do something, but I never have enough in me to actually do anything. I'm only 17 yet I feel like my whole life is just wasting away. I wanted to make a short film this summer, but I'm halfway through summer and I've done nothing but sit around on my own and very occasionally go out with friends. I lack the confidence to express to other people what I want to do creatively and I feel like a piece of shit for it. I just hate that I'm like this.",0.6804,positive,ashamed 743,depressed,I've been stuck for like two years,listener_1,2,"It's all about finding what motivates you. It's clear you still have drive in you... you just need a little extra push. You're still very young and you have lots of life to live. And if you want to make a short film, who says you can't?! Start now and you'd be surprised what you can accomplish by setting your mind to it. I've been in a slump recently so I can understand how you're feeling. But if you focus on you and what makes you happy, you will discover what motivates you in life. If you want to be a video producer or videographer, then use that as your fuel. Create goals and begin working towards them. You still have a lot of summer left! I believe in you <3 PM if you'd like to chat more",0.948,positive,hopeful 743,depressed,I've been stuck for like two years,listener_2,3,Where can I get that small extra push of motivation to passionately create?,0.7845,positive,questioning 743,depressed,I've been stuck for like two years,listener_1,4,"Determine what you want to start filming and go from there. If it's nature, go out and explore it. If it's people, go to a city and people watch. If it's sports, go catch some local games. It's clear you have a strong desire to create so just figure out how and what to create and go from there",0.9022,positive,questioning 744,depressed,God kill me,speaker,1,"I want to live, I want to so bad that I'm still alive but I'm not trying my hardest to get better. I know I'm not. I want to die, I can say that without flinching. I want to live but I don't want to hurt anyone and I fullheartedly know that it wouldn't be better if I died but it'd help my situation. I can't even think straight I'm so done I couldn't explain what happened last night in words. You know when you fuck up real bad and the next morning it feels like there's a rocking sitting in your stomach? That's it. I've been forgiven but I won't forgive mtself",-0.9129,negative,ashamed 744,depressed,God kill me,listener_1,2,What happened? :/,-0.34,negative,questioning 744,depressed,God kill me,speaker,3,"A mental storm. I go on for an hour of two of complete breakdown over the smallest thing to my friend because I build up everything. I freak out on her, say stuff I don't mean because it's like I'm not even there. She gets mad and blows us, shakes me a bit. And even though it's over, I'm still mad at myself.",-0.5574,negative,ashamed 745,depressed,There's no point in living. Somebody please help me.,speaker,1,"I'm not suicidal, but I just feel like there's no point in living. I mean I feel like everything I do, it's just pointless, mainly the fact that I'm just gonna die. even using Reddit, just pointless. I turned 16 yesterday and that really just sent me into a downward spiral. When I die, I probably won't even have a funeral, nobody's gonna remember me and I'm gonna have no friends, I'm just gonna be stuck in the ground, to rot just like everyone else who's normal, not like anyone who's gonna be remembered. Maybe I'm just having an existential crisis, I don't know. Somebody please just help me, I don't wanna feel like this anymore, I'm so desperate I've posted countless subreddits and websites, I'm so stressed out about it I can't do anything but just mope and cry all day, I'm begging you just help me see the other side of things like other people do. ",-0.9858,negative,sad 745,depressed,There's no point in living. Somebody please help me.,listener_1,2,"*Pets sad person* I'm sorry, I can't help you feel better. That's something that you have to do for yourself. Maybe I can make it a little easier for you, though? I mean, I am here & I have read what you just said & all that I can say is that I used to be hella depressed all the time and it took a wonderful boy to teach me that I'm not as worthless as I thought that I was, though, yeah, it's still hard sometimes. A lot of people struggle with trying to figure out their meaning in life or if life itself even has a meaning. I don't want to give any spoilers away, but you're still young! Don't sweat it, okay? :3 You've got a really long time ahead of you, & the answer will come to you eventually, okay? Just don't stress out about it. Enjoy the day & enjoy being young enough to still have all of these new emotions -- as dark as they sometimes feel. That's the other thing! Don't concentrate only on the bad emotions. Think about the good ones, especially when it feels like only the bad ones exist. :3 And trust me, if you died, you'd get a funeral. Even if your family *didn't* care about you, I'm sure that others do. Sometimes, we can get so caught up in our own sadness that we fail to see that there are a lot of people out there who love us and want us. Please don't forget that, no matter how true it seems, things are not as bad as your brain tells you, okay? *Hugs sad person.* And, you know, when I'm really sad, something that makes me feel better is forcing myself to smile. It releases some chemicals or something that make you feel better. Exercise, by the way, releases endorphins & will make you feel a *lot* better. Try jogging a little bit! And, please, feel free to message me. :3",0.9944,positive,sympathizing 745,depressed,There's no point in living. Somebody please help me.,speaker,3,"Yeah your right, I think the main reason I'm feeling down , after realizing a couple hours after posting this, is that I just don't do anything with my life, so yeah you are right, I still have a lot of time ahead of my, and I can spend it enjoying it, and making a difference in other people's lives, thanks.",0.8972,positive,agreeing 745,depressed,There's no point in living. Somebody please help me.,listener_1,4,"*Pats* Mhm, when I was younger, helping other people feel better also made me feel better. Do *not* fall into the rabbit hole of starting to not care about yourself & telling yourself that you don't matter relative to other people. I did that & my life spiraled out of control. Getting busy & industrious does, actually, help a lot with depression, too. You just have to find a hobby or something that you're decent at but, and here's the important part, enjoy like heck! :3 Something that you're great at runs the risk of being too boring, and something that you're horrible at runs the risk of being too frustrating. I taught myself piano to get over my first break-up :)",0.887,positive,sad 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,speaker,1,"What do you do when you love somone more than they care to realize. I put everything on the line for him. I do whatever he asks regardless of how i feel && what i want. The fact i still allow myself to have unprotected sex with him && he still doesnt want me. But he ""misses me a lot"" idk anymore. I allow myself to fall in love to get my heart broken all over again. I just feel dumb",0.7888,positive,faithful 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,listener_1,2,"I can hear your pain and I know how you feel. In fact, I am pretty sure many people have had the same experience. The realization that you care more for someone than they do for you is agonizingly hurtful. I hope things work out for you. I think an appropriate quote for a situation like this is ""cut the bad fruit"".",-0.3612,negative,agreeing 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,speaker,3,It hurts sooo much. He just doesnt get it,-0.4767,negative,sad 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,listener_1,4,"Have you clearly stated your feelings and intentions with him? I'm gonna guess you have, and if so, his actions are a response. If not, try it.",0.4019,positive,questioning 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,speaker,5,He knows my feelings && my intentions but it doesnt matter to him,-0.0286,neutral,neutral 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,listener_2,6,"Then forget about him. There are millions of better men out there for you. Trust me. I once loved a boy so much that I had dreams about the apocalypse & us surviving together, sole survivors of a dead world. He broke my heart, yeah? I'm not over him, even two years later, & it'll be a LONG time before I stop wondering about him, but I love someone else more, now. I love him more because my love for the other guy faded because he didn't want me or love me anymore, so I moved on. It was fucking difficult. I sent him dozens of messages, begging for him to change his mind. But he didn't. It's for the best, anyway. He'd have just broken up with me later if we'd gotten back together, and then my 'healing process' would've taken longer. So yeah. I've moved on, to the point where I love another man who is absolutely wonderful. And I think that I love him more than I loved the other one, too, even in spite of his flaws. And that guy that I once loved? He was wonderful to me. Gave me everything that I needed, loved me, gave me attention & did things things that I adored. What I'm trying to say is that sometimes things don't work out & you have to move on from them. I stopped messaging and begging my ex to get together with me because I realized that he didn't want me & that there were others out there. It was scary. I didn't think that I'd find someone as good -- better -- than he had been, but I did. So, please, just forget this man. He doesn't care about your feelings, so screw him. That's something extremely basic that relationships require. Okay? You'll feel like shit at first, but it gets better, trust me. It might take a month or two, but you'll feel way better. Happy, even. ;3; <3",0.9984,positive,faithful 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,speaker,7,Im glad your story ended well. I hope someone makes me forget him but idk. 8 months of not being with him but still wanting him is annoying. I just think its best for me to be single ,0.6908,positive,lonely 746,depressed,Love or Just Plain Stupid,listener_2,8,"Honestly, yeah. Just be single for awhile ;) You'll feel a lot better :3",0.9062,positive,agreeing 747,depressed,Question for those who post..?,speaker,1,"Hello, I just started following this subreddit as a way to find comfort in my own depressive feelings and maybe provide insight for others. I've encountered a problem that I think many lurkers here may have as well: I notice that many posters get upset that they don't get attention in the form of comments or upvotes. Is it advice that you seek? Solace? Do you not want strangers on the interweb giving you their two cents or anecdotes? Basically what I'm saying is it seems unwarranted or taboo to give people advice especially when it is unsolicited or not clearly stated in the post. I love commenting on this sub, but I'm also really nervous someone will tell me to fuck off because they didn't want my advice. I don't know, I just want to help. ",-0.6488,negative,disappointed 747,depressed,Question for those who post..?,listener_1,2,"A lot of people post here to vent. Advice is accepted by most (even if not clearly stated), if not all (well, if the advice is not absurd, like ""get over it"" or something). Nobody does, or at least nobody should, tell you to ""fuck off"", as those people are hated by the community more than people who give advice. And people like karma (likes) as they don't want to feel ignored. ",-0.8403,negative,annoyed 747,depressed,Question for those who post..?,listener_2,3,"I like to think it's safe to assume that most people posting here are at the very least open to advice. I've never had a hostile response and even if I did, I'd rather risk giving someone advice and them be miffed than not post anything and have someone who really needed something go without any help. Either way, I think this sub is great, it's small so most people who post will be responded to and the whole page is really nice. Shout out to the mods, you guys are really good people.",0.9434,positive,trusting 748,depressed,Fuck life,speaker,1,That's all. :(,-0.4404,negative,sympathizing 748,depressed,Fuck life,listener_1,2,"*Coughing, sputtering.* Please, take it to the bedroom! Okay, no, but seriously, what's wrong? Is it anything specific or anything that you'd be comfortable sharing? I can listen. :)",0.8658,positive,questioning 748,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,3,time is a bitch but I think it will eventually ,-0.34,negative,neutral 749,depressed,How to write a good suicide note,speaker,1,"You start writing about all the things you love about life. Here, I’ll help you. Sunsets Sunrises Cups of Coffee A snuggly blanket Puppies Cupcakes Finding a new amazing book Next, make a list of the people who care about you. Can’t think of anyone? I guarantee there’s more than you think. Me especially. After that, write out your dreams. What you want to be when you get older, what you want to name your kids, what your dream wedding will be like, etc. And finally, you write out your favorite things about yourself. Your laugh, your smile, your personality, your hair, your skin, your compassion for others, anything. Giving up isn’t worth it. Look toward your future because there are so many bright things waiting there. I have seen this pop up time and time again, via facebook, imgur, etc. I cannot share it enough and I can say with honesty that this has saved my life once before. Another few quotes i love to recite myself are: ""Suicide does not end your pain, it just passes it on to someone else."" ""Suicide does not get rid of your problem, it simply takes away the opportunity to fix it."" Caring people are out there, you just need to find them. (: I love you all.",0.9946,positive,hopeful 749,depressed,How to write a good suicide note,listener_1,2,"Thank you for this. You made me realize some things I was blind to. I will look at what I can do from now on, not at what has already happened. You gave me the courage to do so. ",0.4588,positive,grateful 749,depressed,How to write a good suicide note,speaker,3,Thanks. I wish I could take responsibility for this but all I did was forward it on. I'm glad that this has inspired you. Keep fighting the good fight my friend! Peace and love. (:,0.9845,positive,wishing 750,depressed,Hey you,speaker,1,"Hey you, This is whoever is responsible for your thoughts and what not. You know, like that voice in your head that can somehow talk about 3 different things at a time. The one that analyzes whatever the attached body is feeling and seeing and all other senses. Yep me. I'm not sure how to tell you this.. I know you trust me with your life, your day to day decisions and judgements. I too think highly of myself, but the truth is... I really have no idea what I'm doing. I don't know where I come up with these things I mean I guess I also have a subconscious whatever that really is. I don't know if what I conclude is in fact right, shit I don't even know what right is. ""To do this or not to do this"" I don't fucking know! I will tell you about 10-50 reasonings for each and somehow will try to weight one more than the other but I'm as fucking lost as you are!! So anyways, don't put so much importance on what I say.. whatever choice you make it will all be okay... or not, I don't fucking know!!",-0.4755,negative,trusting 750,depressed,Hey you,listener_1,2,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFjmvfRvjTc,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 750,depressed,Hey you,listener_2,3,"SECTION | CONTENT :--|:-- Title | Pink Floyd - ""Hey You"" Description | Pink Floyd - ""Hey You"", from the album ""The Wall"". Length | 0:04:42 **** ^(I am a bot, this is an auto-generated reply | )^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/u/video_descriptionbot) ^| ^[Feedback](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=video_descriptionbot&subject=Feedback) ^| ^(Reply STOP to opt out permanently)",-0.4466,negative,annoyed 751,depressed,I hate myself and its now starting to hurt inside,speaker,1,"Yeah, call it a breakdown, in the past year I have been dealing with a slight depression of self-hate and I have been unmotivated ever since I got basically kicked off my team for which I've played soccer for, which was my life and purpose but now with no soccer in my life I rarely get amused, interested in something, no hobbies rather than sitting on the PC all day playing games and fucking up my grades. I'm trying to get some sleep but I can't because it get worsen every day and now it's starting to literally hurt inside me. I want to finish it, because the pain is indescribable, my life is basically empty and has no purpose what so ever. I stopped eating and working out, I smoke often, I have friends but I don't really care for them as much as an asshole I sound right now, I had so many plans but I just can't live with my self. ",-0.9839,negative,lonely 751,depressed,I hate myself and its now starting to hurt inside,listener_1,2,"Hi man, I really relate to your story. I used to play video games minimum 10 hours a day in my school years. I know it takes a huge amount of willpower, but deleting my games was the best thing I've done. The silly thing is that all it takes is for you to come up with the courage to say 'fuck it, I'm changing my life' and to take action. I failed school and began working. I was still working 8 hours a day and then going back to my PC. One day I decided that I could solve all my problems by stopping. It was hard, but I kept myself busy. I started going to the gym, I picked up more shifts and started working 7 days a week. I didn't know what to do with my life, because my PC was my life. But I went out and explored. Keep yourself busy, hit the gym, get a part time job. Through working I decided a better way to spend my time, I wanted to start my own business (because I wanted a nice damn car!) Happy to say that I've been running my company for three months now. I'm so happy that I quit PC. Sometimes, the state your mind is in right now isn't the state that you want it to be in, you just don't know it yet. You may think you want to play games, but your brain just wants quick gratification. Grades aren't the important thing in your life. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it, but distractions and addictions (games, drugs etc) will mess with the nature of your brain. ",0.9321,positive,impressed 751,depressed,I hate myself and its now starting to hurt inside,speaker,3,Is living only for being successful really makes you happy rather than find a comfort in things that actually make you feel well? ,0.9074,positive,questioning 751,depressed,I hate myself and its now starting to hurt inside,listener_1,4,"My goal is to be financially free when I'm in my 30's. I want to be able to go out for breakfast in cafes. To be able to go to nice clubs. To go on holiday with my girlfriend. I want a nice car, pets, and maybe even a family. I live out of my comfort zone at the moment, but I find that I'm comfortable being uncomfortable. When I was younger I wanted an IT job as I thought it would be really easy, pay well and I'd get to live an extremely comfortable life, but as I've came to accept myself I would hate to have an IT job. I enjoy pushing myself for success as it's something that I lacked when I was younger, therefore it makes me happy. But there's so many factors to what makes people happy- some put all of their time into getting a partner, some want to be the best at a sport. Whatever it is, it's about the journey, it shapes who you are.",0.9932,positive,content 751,depressed,I hate myself and its now starting to hurt inside,speaker,5,"Just a question out of curiousity, what exactly are you working at? And how's it going so far, do you feel you're going places?",0.0,neutral,questioning 752,depressed,Failure,speaker,1,Everything I do I feel like a failure. I feel like nothing is good enough and like I'm letting everyone down. I can't even get a decent job. I feel like I've tried everything and as soon as I start to feel ok like I have my head above water I drown myself again. I'm not worth it. I feel like a useless piece of crap. Like I'm wasting the words oxygen there's no point I'm not adding anything to this world. I just hate myself so much. I don't think or care if anyone responds to this they probably won't. I just needed to vent because I'm tired of any other freaking day with myself. ,-0.9287,negative,ashamed 752,depressed,Failure,listener_1,2,"I can't really know what you're going through, but I know how I've felt in regards to depression. It sucks, but ill tell you that life is full of peaks and valleys, eventually you make it to both. Drink more water, go outside, walk, read, less internet time, classical music. You'll be okay, just gotta fight. ",-0.9331,negative,agreeing 752,depressed,Failure,speaker,3,Thanks. I just feel like my life is falling apart. And it's my fault. My brother passed away and fucked everything up and now I can't get a job I'm drowning in debt and even my engagement is falling apart. ,-0.5267,negative,devastated 752,depressed,Failure,listener_1,4,"I know when everything happens at once it's overwhelming, but eventually things work themselves out with effort on your part. Breath, take a step back, and figure things out. Don't be your worst enemy right now. ",-0.0795,negative,consoling 753,depressed,I AM depressed... for ALL the right reasons HELP ME,speaker,1,"I was abused from the age 11-12 i am now 13 and the past 3 years of my life have been hell. I am now living with my grandparents..... I love my dad more then you could ever imagine. Its my mom who did the drugs and abusing. And she has never lived with my dad, unless you count the time when i was one i dont remember... Im SO MAD and i dont even know why...",-0.928,negative,furious 753,depressed,I AM depressed... for ALL the right reasons HELP ME,listener_1,2,"God, 13 was a shitty year for me too. As someone who vividly remembers being that age and wanting to die I've gotta tell you, you are never too young to get help. Ask your grandparents about therapy, see if it's covered by your insurance. If that's not an option for you, here's some general advice: It hurts now, but hurt lessens with time. This means it will get better. Maybe not soon. But it will. Find someone who you can talk to. A close friend, your dad, maybe one of your grandparents- let them know what's going on. They'll be able to help. Find something comforting- a blanket, a photo, something you can hold onto that's physical and has very strong positive emotions connected to it. When you're feeling low, hold onto that. Anchor yourself here in the now. ",0.9556,positive,suggesting 753,depressed,I AM depressed... for ALL the right reasons HELP ME,listener_2,3,"Oh yeah, and if they know about the abuse that you suffered, then you'll have no problem getting help. <3",-0.3054,negative,neutral 753,depressed,I AM depressed... for ALL the right reasons HELP ME,listener_3,4,"you can get help no matter what. You don't have to have a ""good reason.""",0.6732,positive,neutral 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,speaker,1,"Don't let people tell you things get easier with time. I can tell you from experience, they don't. My longtime live-in girlfriend turned fiance left me four years ago this month. Today was our old anniversary. So while everyone is out enjoying the 4th of July holiday (including her), I am drowning in misery as usual. It hasn't let up throughout the years. If anything, it's gotten worse. I've been trying for years to get back together with her, but to no avail. I've done everything I can think of. Even helped her pay her tuition for school that she desperately needed. Every once in a while, she dances around maybe getting back together, only to rip that thought away shortly after. No matter how sorry I am, or love her deeply, she always just finds another guy. Anyone but me, it seems. Anyway, just wanted post why I don't like the 4th anymore. Or life in general. I do see a therapist and am on antidepressants. Date other girls, only to be haunted by her. Nothing works. The only thing that can stop my pain is her. And she has no interest in doing that. This has been a waking nightmare for four years now, no signs of ever stopping. ",-0.9682,negative,sad 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,listener_1,2,You need to sort your life out. Your happiness has to be maintained by you. You make you happy. You can't depend on others. You need to learn to be happy with who you are. If you can't do that. You are dead already. Go speak to a professional who will help you understand and make sense of things. Time to do something about how you feel and what you think. Psychologists work to help people like you. ,0.9274,positive,sad 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,speaker,3,"I was happy with things when she was here. I'm sorry I just don't subscribe to the idea that people make themselves happy. That's why we are all out here looking for someone. I now don't have the one person in the world that I care about the most. It's really unbearable. Can't shake how upset and despondent this has made me. I can't envision ever being happy again now that she decided she didn't want me in her life. She should have shot me on her way out, it would have been more humane than leaving me to be miserable for years on end. Thanks for your advice, though. ",0.9238,positive,sad 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,speaker,4,"Didn't mean to come off curt, I appreciate your response. The lights went out when she left. I think that's understandable. This wasn't a short relationship. It has totally sunk me. ",0.4019,positive,sympathizing 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,speaker,5,Yes it is and I already do. ,0.4019,positive,agreeing 754,depressed,I've wanted to die for the past four years.,speaker,6,Thanks for your perspective. I'll keep you posted if things turn for the better.,0.7003,positive,acknowledging 755,depressed,Life does not gets better,speaker,1,"has anybody felt better after having depression? like... I've tried, meds, therapy, friends, positivity crap, but it just does not gets better... I have years feeling like a worthless piece of crap ",-0.5587,negative,sad 755,depressed,Life does not gets better,listener_1,2,Sure doesn't. What's your problem? ,0.5511,positive,questioning 755,depressed,Life does not gets better,speaker,3,"Everything, I never do anything right... ",0.0,neutral,ashamed 756,depressed,I'm back to my shitty depressing phase in my life,speaker,1,"So, hi. I think I started to really hate myself again. I'm feeling really sad. I wish I could go and work out, or get a job, or even go out with friends. I want to do stuff, but I can't. Something inside me stops me and it's getting more and more powerful. I hate being back home. I had made plans for this summer, for my internship and vacation with friends. Well, nothing worked out. My mom was supposed to help me with the job because she's the one with the connections (yes, this is how it works here, welcome). But she didn't. She said that because of my accident on Easter (broke my foot and had surgery) she wanted me to rest. The truth is that she didn't want me to all of a sudden give up and don't go to the job again and make her look like a fool to her friends. She wants me to go on vacation but she always says that we don't have money and that me studying abroad is putting so much pressure on her (money-wise). I don't like the life that she made me believe that I can live. I can't do vacation, I can't do trips with my friends because she won't have enough for the rest of the family and her debts. And she always deprives me when I tell her I want to get a job and she tells me that I will give up and shit. Isn't it sad? And now, that nothing didn't go as planned, I completely gave up. I feel useless, I feel lost. The person that I see in the mirror isn't me. It had been years since I was that fucking sad. I remember when I used to go to my therapist and tell him that I felt depressed he responded: ""You're not depressed, depressed people don't know that they are depressed"". I really wish I had the power to hurt myself like I did 5 years ago. If I could I'd kill myself tonight. Unfortunately, I can't. I'm lost. I hate this life. I want to go back to the UK and stay there forever. I don't wanna see my family ever again. But I can't, I don't think I can work that hard and make the money for my rent and shit. I'm fucking useless.",-0.9836,negative,sad 756,depressed,I'm back to my shitty depressing phase in my life,listener_1,2,"This probably means nothing to as I'm just a nobody on the internet, but hang in there. We're all in this together. Don't do something you can't undo. I feel the same way as you. I've been self-destructing and self-sabotaging for years. I just now reached out for help. I hope it helps. I feel useless but there is still a thread of hope that I think that we hang on to when everything else is falling down around us. Don't let your despair conquer your hope. There are ways out. I don't know what they are yet but I'm looking and will let you know if I find it. One day at a time. Reaching out and sharing shows courage. Where there is courage, there is hope and ambition. Try to keep sight on the good things about yourself as often as you can while the beast inside you tries to strip it away.",0.9907,positive,trusting 756,depressed,I'm back to my shitty depressing phase in my life,listener_2,3,"Absolutely, acknowledge your pain and sadness. Try to see it for what it is. It is a push back for your mom trying to draw some limits. You want things to just go your way. That's fine, please don't take this as judgment. I am not judging or shaming you. Everyone has their family ways and roles and such. You do you as a result of the environment you all created and continue to contribute to. Anyway, I'm suggesting you make small steps towards leaving if that's really what you want. You need to work so try to focus on finding something you can tolerate and focus on it. Focus on the end goal. Save your money and go make your life. If that's what you want. Or you can take stock of your life and try to understand that you're getting more that many and all that flash and bling ain't worth shit if you can't drag your ass out of bed every day. Work for the extras your mom can't or won't pay for. Focus on your goal instead of focusing on what your mind tells you your missing. It is not true man you have enough and you know it deep inside. ",0.6153,positive,agreeing 757,depressed,My girlfriend is depressing me,speaker,1,"Let's start off with I don't know how to tell her. Since we have been dating she has only worked one full week and maybe 10 full days it's been close to three months now. She sits at home all day sleeping and playing games. I work from 7-6 in an auto shop busting my @$$ all day and I come home to basically a dirty apartment and she is constantly wanting to leave the house to go hang out with friends and we are never home I've told her countless times we have to get the apartment. I realize this is also on me because I have a choice to stay home and clean but honestly I'm so tired when I get off work I just want to sleep. I've cleaned up a few times since we have been together but by the next day our apartment is messy again and smells like cat piss. I've thought about leaving a few times but I have no where to go. I haven't been happy in months, I'm getting tired of faking it all the time, then on top of all of this work has been busy to the point it's overwhelming, my boss is always yelling, it's too hot to even think it's like 100-110°f in the shop at all times. I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I want to start over but again I have no where to go.",-0.9244,negative,annoyed 757,depressed,My girlfriend is depressing me,listener_1,2,"Clearly the relationship is not working out. Just end it. Are you on a lease? See what the penalty is for breaking it. Or try to sublet. Or tell her to move out if you are the one paying rent. What's keeping you there is fear of the unknown. People will stick with habit and routine because it's safe even if they hate it because in their mind, stopping and trying a new direction is nerve-wracking and full of ""what ifs."" But the unknown is far better than a hated known. You just have to get up the courage to decide you want a better life for yourself and that starts with moving on from this relationship which is clearly not bringing you any sense of comfort of joy. There might be some bumps at the beginning adjusting to this new life, you'll probably try to convince yourself you were happy in the relationship and you should get back together, but then relook at this post and see how unhappy it really made you. Trust me, moving on is the best thing for you. Even if you have to crash on a friend's couch till the lease is up, losing the stress of being in this relationship will far outweigh whatever few arrangements you need to make for yourself in the meantime before you get back on your feet. ",0.9703,positive,apprehensive 757,depressed,My girlfriend is depressing me,speaker,3,"I really appreciate you and everything you have said, thank you :)",0.8173,positive,grateful 757,depressed,My girlfriend is depressing me,listener_1,4,I hope you start down a path that will bring your life that will bring you greater ease and hopefully one day happiness. ,0.9217,positive,consoling 758,depressed,"I want to die, I can't take it anymore...",speaker,1,"I'm 19 years old, and it's been years of depression... I've been suicidal since I was 14-15 years old but as much as I want to kill myself I can't. It's like I'm being forced to live, because my family have always been there for me especially my parents they are the reason why I'm still alive and it's really hard because I can't live with myself anymore. I don't want to grow up with this illness, I'm afraid of becoming crazy. Everything doesn't go well for me, life isn't for me. Im better off dead than alive, it's been hell for me all these years and I'm sure it's going to get worse in the upcoming years. I'm worthless, I feel selfish just for being alive, I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm just wasted space... I'll never accept myself for who I am. ",-0.9954,negative,grateful 758,depressed,"I want to die, I can't take it anymore...",listener_1,2,"don't do that. just don't. i can't kill myself either, but not because of my family, i just can't. it's so sad that something deep inside tells you that you have to stay alive and not saying why. seek help. if you can't live like that just seek help. a doctor might help. i don't know what to say or how to help you tbh. i'm useless too. but i think of life as a cardiogram (if that's the right word, idk english ain't my mother tongue). the patient might die for a couple of seconds, in our case years, and someone (ourselves) is going to bring him back to life with that electric thingy. you just have to face what's going on with you and why you're like this and whose fault it is. and then you must fight. instead of crying every day just fight. it's better to die fighting than crying yourself to sleep every night.",-0.976,negative,neutral 758,depressed,"I want to die, I can't take it anymore...",speaker,3,I just wish I never felt this way,0.4019,positive,jealous 758,depressed,"I want to die, I can't take it anymore...",speaker,4,"Just you replying is enough, thank you :) ",0.6705,positive,wishing 758,depressed,"I want to die, I can't take it anymore...",listener_1,5,take care of yourself. that's what i'm planning on doing too. i might go to the gym tomorrow and start eating better. do that. exercising and eating better helps sometimes :),0.9274,positive,agreeing 759,depressed,"I am depressed, Im thinking its a chemical imbalance",speaker,1,"Hey guys, Ive been struggling with depression but haven't been able to say what exactly is going on until now. I have a very hard time being happy, and tend to act agressively towards people around me for little to no provocation. I have been having trouble sleeping, and maintaining a consistent appetite. Recently I have been having vivid detailed thoughts about killing myself. Right now I dont have much of a desire to do so but it comes in phases. My girlfriend of 3 years says she will leave me if I dont seek professional help but I dont want to be on a list and frankly its a little embarrasing. Where can I turn? Should I go to a doctor and get options from there or is there anyone I should specifically be seeing about getting a medical look.",-0.9051,negative,ashamed 759,depressed,"I am depressed, Im thinking its a chemical imbalance",listener_1,2,"Go to a normal doctor tell them.whats uo and they'll do a blood test to see if there is an imbalance (: I was in an awful genpysch program and that's what they said doctors can test for. I still never went actually, but you still should (:",0.6597,positive,questioning 759,depressed,"I am depressed, Im thinking its a chemical imbalance",listener_2,3,huh? That's not how it works at all. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 760,depressed,:(,speaker,1,"Hey Guys, I've been depressed lately about a girl. I've shown everyday for the past two months that I really care about her, and I think this is actually the first time I've ever been in love with a person, but she doesn't feel the same way. I've tried many times to face the facts and accept that no matter what I do, we aren't meant to be (I've been pursuing this girl for nearly 7 months and nothing has come of it besides a night of cuddling and movies). What can you guys recommend to help me to move on? Today was the first day in a while that I just didn't talk to her and all I've been able to do is think about her and listen to jazz music and feel sorry for myself. Any help is appreciated, thank you.",0.9682,positive,sad 760,depressed,:(,listener_1,2,"Maybe you should try to focusing on smth else..do the chores, go outside, play pc games, do sone sports - anything to keep your body on movement. Try to listen to fun music and try convincing yourself that you're good by your own. There will be many more girls and the right one will come with time.",0.8834,positive,suggesting 760,depressed,:(,speaker,3,"Thank you, I'll try some of these things.",0.3612,positive,wishing 760,depressed,:(,speaker,4,"Hey, thanks. It's comforting to know that other people have been in this slump before. Sadly I lost most of my friends (some of them for defending this girl) but before I really got to know this girl I was really interested in creating an album... maybe I'll get back to that. Thank you!",0.921,positive,trusting 761,depressed,"Need help, dealing with depression",speaker,1,"I'm a college student about to graduate in medicine and I've known that I have depression for about a year now, and during most of this year I've coped with it on my own, but it just got worse and worse, up to the point where I planned my own death, that was the turning point i'd guess. I eventually seeked help and right now I am under treatment with desvenlafaxin and also going to the psichologist. Most of the time now I feel alright, I am able again to have motivation and even enjoy good things that happen to me. However some times i just fall back, it starts by thinking how i got like this, and then the sensation of hopelessness grabs me and it doesn't matter what i do I can't scape it. I start thinking about how ultimately everything I'll do wilk end up as a failure, about how if it did turn out right it hadn't been because of me, but despite me, and even then how it still is meaningless in the end for everything lacks purpose in the end. The thing is I know those thoughts are either false or irrelevant, but despite that I can't help believing them, and using them to reinforce my depression. When it happens it feels like I am fighting myself and I will always lose. How can I fight this? how can I rid myself of these delusions? Thanks for reading, the mere act of writing this has helped me a lot. ",-0.9748,negative,ashamed 762,depressed,I'm fighting the urge to kill myself.,speaker,1,I've never felt closer to wanting to end it all. ,0.0,neutral,sad 762,depressed,I'm fighting the urge to kill myself.,listener_1,2,I know it may not seem like it but that's a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. Talk to someone. You can get through this shit and you need help.. Get it. I don't know what you're going through but I guarantee your loved. My friend took his own life two years ago and left a whole community devastated. I only say this to point out that you have value and you are loved even if you can't see it.,0.9009,positive,trusting 762,depressed,I'm fighting the urge to kill myself.,speaker,3,"I'm not anymore, that's why I want to end it all. ",0.0772,positive,sad 762,depressed,I'm fighting the urge to kill myself.,speaker,4,"I lost someone different than anyone else, it was my fault for being an asshole. It was a defense mechanism and now I can never fix what happened and what this person and I had at one point. I feel empty, I've been through this my whole life, I just never cared this much to the point I'm willing to end it all. ",-0.7672,negative,sad 763,depressed,It feels like my brain hurts itself to numb me,speaker,1,"My whole life ive always been an optimist i even won a scholarship in 8th grade in which i went to different lecture halls and had to give a speech on what optimism meant to me. This all changed after i graduated highschool. First i lost my best friend of 12 years basically my brother to drugs and hood life and i just had to stop associating with him or risk losing everything trying to help him. Then my dad became extremely depressed again and turned to drinking my freshmen and sophmore year of college (i lived at home so everyday was a repeat of the same nightmare). I was studying engineering and i was a intern at our nasa lab at school and was successful their but outside of school i would smoke weed to complete stupify my brain so i wouldnt think about what was happening at home between my parents but eventually i became addicted to weed and i started going to school high. My 3rd year of school i failed all my classes my parents got a divorce and i was stuck at home with an alcoholic dad and my own addiction. Instead of interning again i decided to quit going to school and move to phoenix with my brother and get clean and get out of that environment. Now that ive been here i miss my dream of becoming an astronaut and everyday i miss engineering while i work at a hotel cleaning rooms. Its like i know what i want but ever since i got here and got clean ive realized how bad i fucked up and how fucked up the world around me is. I smoked weed again once while i was up here and it almost threw in to death spiral and i probably wont ever smoke again. I cant be numbed anymore and now it feels like my own thoughts purposely look at everything through a negative scope so i dont get let down by reality. Idk im still figuring out my life and ill never give up on it but theres so much i could go on about but its pointless, a bunch of words that will be lost by tomorrow. I dont understand why so many of us including me have to feel this sad like why is it so hard to live happy in our society. I see so many fake smiles on people and on their social media but when you get to really know them you start to see the truth. Im at the point now where i just hate to be around people like i just het frustrated woth everyone i meet and i feel like everyone i know is so fake to each other that id rather just be in a room alone to allow my own thoughts to wander, its the only time im truly at peace. I feel like an alien because all i want to do is get a couple dogs and raise them, have my own place, and work a job until i die. At this point i dont care about finding a wife like i know i could just get some random woman and do stupid shit and get married etc like all my friends do but for what? To become an addict like my dad just to get divorced down the road? Fuck that id rather have my dogs and just be alone ive never been in a relation ship longer than 2 months and ive never understood why cause i never thought like this when i was with them but the constant trend theyd always pull some bull shit to make me angry or start a fight and id just lose interest and respect for them like im not a woman hater and i have met some woman that just astound me but the ones that want to get married at my age are just so retarded that even though i would like to find that ""special someone"" i know it would be fruitless and just come back to screw me so yea back to the plan i think im gonna go get a dog tomorrow but i just wanted to vent. Im mentally and socially drained im not a bad guy but im tired of seeing the world the way it is i would like to go back to the optimist me that won that speech scholarship but im afraid that the world has probablly already killed that part of me",-0.9842,negative,devastated 763,depressed,It feels like my brain hurts itself to numb me,listener_1,2,"You survived so far. You've got more experience and wisdom than most people. How do you find so many words when you depressed? When I was depressed, I can barely make a sentence. Focus simple things first. One problem at a time.",-0.3182,negative,proud 763,depressed,It feels like my brain hurts itself to numb me,speaker,3,When i get depressed im flooded with thoughts but mostly negative ones thats where the words come from. And yea i know its just frustrating ,-0.9011,negative,agreeing 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,1,I fucking hate my life and there isn't a damn thing left for me on this planet. I hate my family. My friends hate me. I'm just everyone elses problem. As i go diving this week im going to take out my regulator and let myself drown. I wanted to tell people anonymously i don't know why. Probably no one will even see this until it's all over. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck-up. I have a serious urge to get it over with now. I kind of want my terrible family to wake up to my bloody corpse on the ground. I wish i weren't so numb inside its the worst feeling in the world and i just can't shake it. My girlfriend was always the one who kept me alive recently but we're not getting along anymore and we can't start a conversation and keep it. This makes me so fucking depressed i just want to rip my skull off my spine. I'm not even sure theres anyone in the world left that genuinely loves me.,-0.9131,negative,ashamed 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,listener_1,2,"Dude, don't do it. Times are tough and rough for you right now, but don't let that stop you from living. Just think of all the great times you've had in your life. Remember how happy you were at that time in that very moment. There will be more of those, just wait it out. The sun does shine, but you gotta get through the night. ",0.9298,positive,consoling 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,3,I don't remember any good memeories. Looking back on good memeories makes me realise they were only good in the moment and screwed me over in the long run. Thank you for your support though. It does mean a lot. ,0.6591,positive,neutral 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,listener_1,4,"Then learn from them and make better memories. More epic ones, find yourself and start a new chapter and don't dwell on the past. You sound like you have a cool hobby going diving. That's pretty rad, I've always wanted to go but I'd be too scared of the whole coming up the wrong way and having to be in the iron lung I believe what it's called, to depressurize or something. If it's a girlfriend that is bringing you down, dump her. Find a new one, someone that cares for you and you could care for as well. Maybe you just need a change of pace, maybe do something you would never do to change things up. For example, if you're someone who doesn't travel, go. If you're stressed at work, quit. There's a YouTube video and it's just a small excerpt from Alan Watts who is I dunno a motivation speaker or whatnot. Anyways, this one video totally changed my mind on things. If you look up ""what if money were no object"" by Alan Watts. Check that out. He's got plenty of talks on there.",-0.1742,negative,acknowledging 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,listener_1,5,"Guys, there is help out there and plenty of good people to surround yourself with. It's not worth it. I had a guitarist I was in a band with and he ended up killing himself in jail. He was sober the whole time I was in a band with him. He got asked to play in a bigger band and I told him to take it. They toured arenas with The Offspring and Dropkick Murphys and after the tour that band went on hiatus. I knew it crushed him, but he spiraled out of control, fell off the wagon and somehow was caught shoplifting or something. His wife had left him right before all this and it just pushed him over the edge. The last Facebook post I had seen from him was along the lines of, ""everyone's your friend when you're on top, but when you need a shower nobody's around"" I had seen it a couple days later and regret not replying that he could come over. I didn't reach out as my wife had just had our son that same week and we were in a small two bedroom apt. Found out a couple weeks later he had passed. Thankfully he didn't have kids. What I'm trying to say, is wait it out. A lot of people are depressed and I know it's really hard and shitty but it does get better if YOU allow it to. If you're feeling like it's the end it's not. Plenty of people are here to help. Me included. Best wishes to both of you. ",0.9395,positive,trusting 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,6,I see no point in arguing but im still goning to do it.,-0.3818,negative,neutral 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,7,Uhm okay... Uh i like panic! At the disco and Fallout boy (Because I'm basic depressed little shit). I don't really find enjoyment in anything else...so thats it pretty much.,-0.7737,negative,content 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,listener_1,8,"Sorry I fell asleep. I like a couple of songs from those bands. My friend works on the Jimmy Kimmel show and I was lucky enough to see blink 182 one night. As I was walking to the restroom I walked into Pete Wentz as he was coming out and we ran into each other and did the whole I move right he moves left and we were still in front of each other. Then again then I move left and he moves right and we're face to face again. I had to say interrupt and say I'm gonna go this way. We both chuckled, it was kinda funny. Do you like any other bands in that genre? I grew up on skate punk/pop punk. If you like I can give you a lot of bands that have great music that have helped me through tough times. My favorite song that has helped me through tough times is Radio by Rancid. The chorus is: ""When I got the music, I got a place to go"" I really like that song. Music has been a huge part of my life and head helped me through a lot of tough times. Hope you're having a better day than yesterday. If not, let's look forward to tomorrow. What other interests do you have?",0.9721,positive,embarrassed 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,9, Nothing really I've lost all enjoyment in any of my past hobbies or pass-times. No thank you on the bands i don't think I'll be needing any music soon. ,0.5658,positive,content 764,depressed,I'm going to kill myself.,speaker,10,Mmh no thank you... You can't help people who don't want to be helped and i refuse to be helped ,-0.6994,negative,agreeing 765,depressed,Living in my mother's house is making my depression worse,speaker,1,"This is my first post here so bear with me. Last year I lost my stepfather. I've been struggling ever since. I finally got most of my internal struggle out and into words and need a place to share. There is sensitive content, so consider this a trigger warning. Being in this house isn't helping me. I can't breathe because I can't stop thinking about how he died underneath me while I slept. How he felt so cold and stiff when I called 911 and how his face looked, the blood and foam that was drying around his mouth and I can't stop thinking about what his skin felt like when I frantically tried to wake him up, how his wrist wouldn't bend, and then his arm wouldn't either and suddenly I was hitting his chest and crying and hoping for it to be a nightmare. I thought maybe I could save him. Maybe I wasn't too late. Maybe he was just passed out and needed an ambulance. No one rushed to the house once I told 911 he was most likely dead. So he stayed laying there even longer. They didn't even take him away for several more hours. He just stayed in that bed bleeding and decaying. I can't stop thinking about how his body was swollen and beginning to decompose and how I had been there with what was left with him. All. Day. I ordered food to be delivered and he had been dead for hours when it arrived. I ate in the dining room while his body sat decaying in the next room. I called him because I had an extra taco that I couldn't finish. He didn't answer. I put it in the fridge just in case he wanted it later and texted him. I took a picture of his body, sent it to my friends, laughing at my step dad for sleeping in late while in his underwear, and still didn't discover what I had done until hours later. I can't live with this. I can't live with myself. I can't keep staying in this house where he died and sat forever. Because I didnt check on him. I didn't think it was weird that he wasn't at work. I didn't think it was weird when I saw his stomach all swollen with death. I didn't think it was weird that I didn't hear him breathe or snore. I just let him sit. And I laughed because he was in his underwear. ",-0.9726,negative,sad 765,depressed,Living in my mother's house is making my depression worse,listener_1,2,My heart sank as I finished reading your last sentence. That is awful what happened to you. I feel stupid for asking but is moving houses absolutely not an option for you?,-0.1154,negative,questioning 765,depressed,Living in my mother's house is making my depression worse,speaker,3,No worries. I can't really afford my own place since I'm a full time student. I've been living with my boyfriend ever since it happened but my recently worsening depression and anxiety attacks have been straining our relationship so I've been back at my mom's. ,-0.9534,negative,content 765,depressed,Living in my mother's house is making my depression worse,listener_1,4,"I'm sorry. It must be excruciatingly tough to come back from school to such morbid reminders. Although my situation is different from yours, I feel trapped and depressed at home sometimes. On some days movies will distract me long enough until I fall asleep. Other days it's discovering new music that encourages me to go out for a nice walk with a pair of headphones. But I hope there will be a time and opportunity to run away from all this on my own terms in a more permanent way. My heart goes out to you and I hope you get through this and overcome your demons.",0.9354,positive,lonely 765,depressed,Living in my mother's house is making my depression worse,speaker,5,Thank you so much. It means a lot to be heard. I hope you can start feeling better too.,0.8316,positive,acknowledging 766,depressed,Is this it,speaker,1,Work come home play games see girlfriend no friends so bored i do nothing interesting i hate myself,-0.204,negative,lonely 766,depressed,Is this it,listener_1,2,I feel you man I feel like my life is a vicious circle I'm like an outsider looking down on my life taking place and I have no control over it,0.0772,positive,lonely 766,depressed,Is this it,speaker,3,I hear ya hay right now im just watching pineapple express but i feel i should be with friends doing fun things i can goto one friends house all he does is smoke pot or another friend who is the same as me but its boring and depressing hanging out with someone else who is depressed. Like feels there's nothing i can do feel trapped in my own life.,0.7096,positive,lonely 766,depressed,Is this it,listener_1,4,I have pretty good friends like they try being helpful but being a guy I find it so hard expressing myself honestly like I always sugar coat how I feel so I don't look like I'm always moaning about shit ,0.5477,positive,ashamed 766,depressed,Is this it,listener_2,5,Not to mention no matter how hard you try you'll lose in the end no matter the risk it's always a losing game. ,-0.7875,negative,agreeing 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,speaker,1,"From June to now, I've recently been feeling depressed, often.Usually the only time I'll get like this is that weird depressed day before my period. Now it's multiple times a week and I'll just get these random urges to cry. Then I'll get is feeling like I'm stuck in life and that I wouldn't mind not existing (not suicidal.) Today started off great, but after work I took a nap and then started feeling down. I've been tired too, even though I might of gotten sufficient sleep.Lastly, everything has this boring tone to it.",-0.846,negative,sad 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,listener_1,2,"Hii. I know how you feel. When this happens to me, (which honestly isnt the best solution), i break down. I just have a moment to cry and let all my emotions go. It makes me feel better because at one point theres that voice in your head that tells you to keep going. Do you know if something is triggering it? Maybe a friend, family member , or something?",0.257,positive,sentimental 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,speaker,3,"Thanks. Umm, not sure. I think now maybe could be life.I'm graduating next year and it's at that point where I've been slightly just analyzing my life and seeing what I want out of it. But with that I've been feeling quite purposeless, because I don't really have any major goals or feel like I'm capable of really making anything out of my life. So, I just constantly feel like questioning what I'm I doing and how I would give someone with limited time my life so they can live it since I'm basicly wasting it.",0.6974,positive,suggesting 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,listener_2,4,"Try shaking up your life. This can be small things like taking a different route home, paint your room, clean your living space, move some furniture, join a gym/different gym, make new friends / talk to a complete stranger. It doesn't matter, as long as you do something different. When it fails, no biggie, on to the next thing. Oh and wasting time is not a bad thing. I'm currently am flat out on the couch typing this message to a complete stranger who I have never met nor will meet. ",0.5962,positive,annoyed 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,speaker,5,"Lol, thanks.Lying on the couch and doing nothing is great. Thanks again stranger.",-0.4404,negative,acknowledging 767,depressed,How do I get over randomly feeling depressed for no reason?,listener_2,6,"By the way, have you been pushing yourself since this started? Maybe in working faster or in sports? Or something else physically? The same feeling happened to me when I started training for a half marathon. I was pushing it to hard. ",0.163,positive,suggesting 768,depressed,I can't take it anymore,speaker,1,I am beyond my breaking point. I've hated my life for years and the past 6 months have made pushed me to the point of no return. In the past 6 months i found out my mom was the reason behind my entire family's falling out due to her cheating on my dad with his brother and having a kid while my dad was overseas defending the country. Also my dad was recently diagnosed with an incurable bone cancer. My last grandparent died about a month ago and all of this just added to my already crippling depression. What finally broke me once and for all is finding out that my girlfriend is pregnant with another guys kid. Everything that happens in my life is shit and I honestly hate every minute of it. I do not know how much more I can take before I decide to end this living hell for good. ,-0.9862,negative,devastated 768,depressed,I can't take it anymore,listener_1,2,"Jesus man I'm sorry, I do know what it feels like to have the world come crashing down on you all at once, And so do you. I'm here if you'd like to talk further. I'm not too experienced in the whole life thing, but just know that someone cares. Hang in there just a bit longer man and hopefully something will turn around for you. I'm really hoping for you.",0.933,positive,caring 768,depressed,I can't take it anymore,speaker,3,"Thank you my friend, it's nice to know there's people out there who actually care. Despite what I'm going through I also hope the best for you with whatever shitty hand life is dealing you. ",0.9545,positive,consoling 769,depressed,What's the point of living?,speaker,1,"I don't want to go to college anymore, I don't want to get married, I don't want to have kids, I don't care for material things. I don't have any hobbies and nothing interest me. I'm not religious and I don't believe in a higher power. People are happier when I'm not around and I'm happier when I'm not around people. What is the point of living? Ive been this way since I was a child and my opinions and views won't change.",0.2561,positive,faithful 769,depressed,What's the point of living?,listener_1,2,"Hi Yoridi, at times I feel exactly how you described. I have a small family who I care for, and thats what keeps me going. Even though some days I cant deal with them and I feel they wouldnt notice if I disapear, they are all I have. ",0.4939,positive,caring 769,depressed,What's the point of living?,speaker,3,"My parents divorced when I was really young, I never really learned what having a loving family was like. One of my friends has a really nice family and it's nice to see people can behave like that. ",0.9509,positive,jealous 769,depressed,What's the point of living?,listener_1,4,"I was raised by a single mother in a poor country. You should let your family know how much you care about them since one day they may not be in your life, even if they dont feel the same way about you. ",0.0258,neutral,caring 769,depressed,What's the point of living?,speaker,5,"It's the other way around, I don't care for them. They are manipulating greedy sociopaths and I'm not in contact with them.",-0.7527,negative,faithful 770,depressed,I'll keep it short Sorry reddit,speaker,1,"I only got 11 more days to live , mmmm what am I gonna do for the last 11 days , mmmmm. They last 38 days I been laying in bed moping around , imma get out and have a little bit of fun before termination day , thank you for always being here for me reddit , but soon it will be my time to go ",0.3112,positive,content 770,depressed,I'll keep it short Sorry reddit,listener_1,2,"oh that's sad, what did you do to end up like that though.",-0.1531,negative,neutral 770,depressed,I'll keep it short Sorry reddit,speaker,3,I fell in love and that someone said she spend 5 years of our lives of lie she never meant anything she said to me so imma kill my self on her birthday ,-0.197,negative,devastated 770,depressed,I'll keep it short Sorry reddit,speaker,4,"It's only my self , people think I'm going away for a job , they won't be hurt , they won't even find that il be dead , and ill be i have burned so many bridges that people would more then be happy that I will be gone , and I'm happy now , it's only 2 days away and I'll be pain free , like please under stand , or has taken a very long time for me to be happy about this , I made up my mind I can't change it the voices in my head says It will be find and fun and graceful time ",0.9527,positive,joyful 771,depressed,I give up,speaker,1,I have been feeling depressed for a while. I recently moved house and feel this has triggered it. I am so close to giving up completely and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm searching for something that doesn't exist. I've never settled anywhere and at 25 years old this is my 52nd address. I can't cope anymore and I feel so lost ,-0.4815,negative,lonely 771,depressed,I give up,listener_1,2,"What are you searching for? I think moving a lot is definitely making you lost. The connections you had now more far away than ever. People say to keep in touch but never do because they are ""too happy"" to care. I want to hear more from you and I hope one day you will find what you seek. If its the city of atlantis, erm... might need a ton of cash for that :).",0.9418,positive,questioning 771,depressed,I give up,speaker,3,"I honestly don't know. Think I'm looking for somewhere to actually belong because my whole life I've never had that sense of belonging anywhere. I also lost a friend 2 days ago who sadly took her own life and I feel so numb at the moment. She was only 19, she was young, intelligent, funny, always cheered everyone else up and she had such a bright future ahead of her. I just feel like it's one thing after another. Moving house wasn't stressful, it was after the move the depression kicked in because I was so distracted and busy moving that everything else in my life got completely forgotten about or chucked to one side and now I'm left with all my thoughts, emotions, feelings again and I need to find some major distraction and quick or else I'm going to completely lose the plot. Losing my friend has affected me a lot as I've now lost 3 friends and an auntie to suicide. It's brought back all the painful memories of losing each one that looking back I've never really dealt with or grieved for. I spend so much of my life running and distracting myself that I almost forget; although it always resurfaces at times. So sorry for the long rant 🙄",-0.9498,negative,lonely 772,depressed,I'll never find someone who loves me for me,speaker,1,"I've only had one ""relationship"" ever, it lasted an entire week, and I found out after I was only the rebound for her. Ever since, I've missed the two times that we had been together. Not because I miss her, but I just miss having *someone*, and I hate myself, because despite me trying to find somebody else, I realize that nobody would ever actually like me for me. I'm boring, I'm awkward, I'm not handsome, I'm not muscular, I'm not anything desirable by girls, I'm relatively smart but nobody cares except for when they need help with something, I'm caring for others but nobody thinks anything of me so nobody cares if I care about them, and I shower regularly and wear deodorant, but that's nothing more than ""normal"", and nobody wants someone average. I just want to know that maybe someone will find me as someone they want to be with, but I've been stuck with the feeling for years now that it's never going to happen.",0.9194,positive,lonely 772,depressed,I'll never find someone who loves me for me,listener_1,2,How old are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 772,depressed,I'll never find someone who loves me for me,speaker,3,"I'm going into 10th grade, this happened in early 8th grade. As silly as it sounds to think of something that happened then as ""truth"" forever, it's only been true. I've had 3 girls that I was seemingly enough of friends with to work as a relationship, but they had other plans, not involving me, but others. They had the properties of actual boyfriend material.",0.5647,positive,faithful 772,depressed,I'll never find someone who loves me for me,listener_1,4,"I have my first real relationship when I was 25. Until that time, I had similar thoughs - I am ugly, I can't talk, nobody loves me and ever gonna love me, I am a burden to society bla bla bla. 6 years passed and a couple of girls really love me in that time. But I screwed up and lonely again. At least I have hope now. So, you are very young. You will learn lots of things about relationships. A lot of excuses you made actually not that important. You don't need to be perfect. Try to relax. This tough times will eventually pass and in future you will regret because of these excuses. Clearly I am not an expert of relationships. I am just an example that, there are people out there worse than you :)",0.5142,positive,trusting 772,depressed,I'll never find someone who loves me for me,listener_2,5,"Same thing for me. Just an average looking nice guy. I was 19 when I had my first. Girls around 15-16 are just *difficult*. By the time they are 25 the boy-girl awkwardness stops. So, sit back and talk to girls who are also average. ",-0.25,negative,jealous 773,depressed,A brief moment of happiness,speaker,1,"This past Sunday I had the opportunity to hang with this girl and her friend. I normally I'm to afraid to do such actions, but I did. We're both photographers so we all did was talk and just lay on the grass as time went by. I tried texting this person the other day to see if the wanted to hang out, but never got a reply. And this tends to happen every time when I meet people . I don't know what I do wrong, I'm just a laid back person who just wants to meet and have a connection with other people and just hang. But for the past 4 years I only meet people for a short period of time, a very brief moment, and never hear from them again. I hate when this happens because it always happens all the time. I wish I can have friends that would be there for years. But it will happen. Being lonely is the only thing I got. A brief moment of happiness, but a lifetime of sadness.",-0.1779,negative,apprehensive 773,depressed,A brief moment of happiness,listener_1,2,It doesn't have to be a lifetime time of sadness. I'm the grand scheme of your WHOLE LIFE it may seem like these days were merely a blimp. I hope you wake up in years and years glad that you made it out of the rut. Some people don't think it's possible...,0.8176,positive,hopeful 773,depressed,A brief moment of happiness,speaker,3,"It's just been to long, to long since I had a connection with someone. It's a constant repeat. But I have hope, just gets tiring after a while. I just wonder when will that time happen? ",0.5927,positive,hopeful 773,depressed,A brief moment of happiness,listener_1,4,Likewise. Sucks for hopes to be let down. But it sucks to always be down too. ,-0.4767,negative,agreeing 774,depressed,Depression a disease ?,speaker,1,"Just because you can't see it does not mean that it is not real . Just because you can't feel it does not mean I don't hurt almost everyday ! It consumes every part of you, like a plague of darkness , an infection slowly eating away at you . Everyday I wonder , will today be the day ? The day that the monster eating away at brain wins . This disease I fight alone because most ppl don't understand what it's like to fight yourself , a daily battle where I have to fight to live . I have to fight MYSELF .... ",-0.5881,negative,sad 774,depressed,Depression a disease ?,listener_1,2,His really hit me because this is how I feel everyday and no one I know seems to understand how I feel..,-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 774,depressed,Depression a disease ?,speaker,3,I get it !! ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 775,depressed,Is this all there is?,speaker,1,"I've been experimenting with various psychiatric medications over the last 10 years of my life, but I'm pretty sure I've had a severe mental illness since I was really young. Like maybe 4 or 5. I've been in therapy longterm to learn some new skills to better manage my almost debilitating anxiety that triggers depression so heavily that when I'm down I have a hard time believing that I should still be alive. I'm what some would call ""high functioning"" because after all I can still hold a job, and maintain relationships. But honestly I just feel like I'm hiding all the time. I've tried all of the typical antidepressants and many atypical. I've even dabbled with antipsychotics for sleep because at one stretch a few years ago I was so depressed and anxious that I could barely sleep. Mental illness...a disease, or whatever the fuck it is...is really screwing up my life satisfaction. I've never been this honest about the intensity and severity of my illnesses with anyone, probably not even with doctors out of fear that they would hospitalize me for life. I guess the reason why I'm writing this is because I'm searching for some understanding, and hoping that at least one person on this planet has experienced what I have. ",-0.5646,negative,afraid 775,depressed,Is this all there is?,listener_1,2,"Well I can't say that I completely understand how you feel but I've been somewhat down myself for quite a long time just perhaps not as severe. I've never gone to therapy or anything like that. But since my college days I've felt there's nothing more left and that was almost a decade ago. I'm struggling to find out there has got be more to this life, but at present, that which i seek is very elusive. I try to hold on but it's getting more and more difficult everyday. Even the people i once considered friends have abandoned once their circumstances improved. It was a loss to me. ",0.0364,neutral,lonely 775,depressed,Is this all there is?,speaker,3,"I can relate to that. Somehow, no matter what, I find myself alone. And my illnesses are always there. Creeping up in the background. I feel like I keep chasing this ""more to life"" bit, and sometimes I get little tastes of it. And then it's gone, and I'm left feeling dead inside. Thank you for your response. I feel a little less lonely now. ",-0.7187,negative,acknowledging 775,depressed,Is this all there is?,listener_1,4,"There are more people who feel this way. And yes, just like you i get a taste of those moments too and just as immediately, it's gone. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.",0.9186,positive,consoling 776,depressed,3 days,speaker,1,"I Just don't know why I'm so useless , time to stop wasting space ",-0.8184,negative,lonely 776,depressed,3 days,listener_1,2,"Saturday is the day where you're just going to jump off the bridge, or hurt yourself with a weapon, or choke yourself, or however, trying to leave, but only trapping others instead of freeing them. I'm not sure how much you realize there are some people who exist who will care for you. It'd be a pity to never find them. Why would you think anyone hates you, or is it just you, finding no motivation, nothing to want to do anything, and just eternally sleep so you don't have to do anything. Wake up, you can find motivation from that person who you won't speak with, or thought of being great at what you do.. to be appreciated You won't be able to come back... And as always, the usual 'don't do it' remarks. :)",0.929,positive,trusting 776,depressed,3 days,speaker,3,"I don't encourage any thing I'm about to do , I'm just happy and my heart has made the decision ",0.735,positive,faithful 777,depressed,Haven't showered in almost 3 weeks because of stress,speaker,1,"So I'm in summer school right now which is giving very high anxiety, and when I get anxious I lose a lot of my motivation which usually starts with my hygiene and I hate it. I tell myself maybe tomorrow, maybe tonight but it never happens.",-0.4194,negative,anxious 777,depressed,Haven't showered in almost 3 weeks because of stress,listener_1,2,Running a hot bath is the most relaxing thing you can do.. run it.. get in and close your eyes and take a deep breath. It helps me ,0.7264,positive,content 777,depressed,Haven't showered in almost 3 weeks because of stress,listener_2,3,"Just don't fall asleep. People do drown like that, and it's sad. Otherwise yeah. ",-0.4767,negative,neutral 778,depressed,I feel so lonely,speaker,1,That's all I have to say today.,0.0,neutral,content 778,depressed,I feel so lonely,listener_1,2,"The best thing you can do is find others who are lonely, and be lonely together",0.0516,positive,consoling 778,depressed,I feel so lonely,listener_2,3,"This is so true, sometime you just have to keep pushing through regardless. Enjoy the small victories like eating one healthy meal, initiating a conversation with a stranger. I'm in a similar situation it's all about staying positive ( much much much easier said than done)",0.9546,positive,hopeful 779,depressed,Depressed and Hopeless,speaker,1,I am a 44 year old male who has been married for 5 years. I have had depression and anxiety issues for most of my life. I feel stuck in the mud and feel hopeless. I have tried to read books and I do see a therapist who understands where I am coming from but I feel I need some full-time therapy. I know there are places people can go to for a week or so and do a thorough look at all of my thoughts and beliefs. I'm sure some of my beliefs are negative and wrong. When I read John Bradshaw books I feel like I need a lot of fixing. My wife is a successful Type A person who makes double what I make and works from home. She is very smart and a hard worker. She is a bit much meaning things can set her off and she'll yell at me. I never yell at her unless yelled at ... sometimes I yell back. I feel powerless and worthless. I dream of winning the lottery and getting lots of therapy and living a good life not working day in and day out feeling exhausted all the time and feeling that if I were to die in my sleep I would not mind it. I have been through this feeling before and have pushed through it slowly and painfully. I haven't felt good in years. Instead of leaving my wife and job and cashing out to take a year off which feel like the only solution I want to if possible change my way of thinking. If anyone has any advice it would be greatly appreciated.,0.2162,positive,trusting 779,depressed,Depressed and Hopeless,listener_1,2,You dream of winning the lottery but you should dream of enjoying life more instead. Stay strong for the sake of your future self and all his wasted potential if you did end it. ,0.8846,positive,faithful 779,depressed,Depressed and Hopeless,speaker,3,Thank you very much for your kind words.,0.7096,positive,wishing 780,depressed,I think I am very unlucky. How can I cope?,speaker,1,"Hey, everyone. I'm 17 years old, and I just graduated high school, and I'm entering university in the fall! I'm looking forward to starting university, as I'm hoping that I will be able to find my niche, and build more confidence. However, some days, I lose hope. I have faced many bouts of awful luck, and I have struggled to cope. To name a few events: -I was born with a large, red birthmark that covered my entire left cheek. Multiple laser surgeries have faded/removed 95% of it, so it is no longer noticeable. As a kid, however, I was usually picked on and isolated for it, causing me to have low self-esteem which continues to affect me now. -I have always been the second choice friend. -My beloved ex-boyfriend, one who I saw a future with, dumped me. In addition to that, he toyed with my emotions, alienated me to the point where I lost many friends, and now chooses to hook up with only girls that I am friends with. -I got pretty good marks in high school, but recently I have bombed most of my diploma exams which I studied very hard for. One of which I rewrote, I received the exact same mark as before. This may or may not affect my acceptance into the faculty I wanted. -My father is a lawyer, but he hated working in firms, so he's gone solo now. Even though we are well off, sometimes his clients can't pay him right away, so there are months where there is an influx of cash, and months where we are late on our bills. It also doesn't help that several of my relatives are multi-millionaires. :( -My new boyfriend is amazing, but we are going to different universities, so we are breaking up at the end of the summer. I try to remain positive, because there are a couple things going for me... My parents can afford to send me away to school, my boyfriend is awesome, I have a couple friends that I can count, and other people consider me very attractive (physically). But some days, I don't see how it can ever get better, and how I just can't seem to win. How do I cope? :(",0.9207,positive,disappointed 780,depressed,I think I am very unlucky. How can I cope?,listener_1,2,"I think you shouldn't let the end of summer be the end of your relationship with your boyfriend, especially if you have major feelings for him. ",0.0,neutral,suggesting 780,depressed,I think I am very unlucky. How can I cope?,listener_2,3,"That is not a good idea. She/he is 17 going to uni where a ton of people will be met and a ton more to have affection with. Long distance is impossible, you should live your life and meet as many people as you can! These are your golden years, enjoy them! PS : never in life you will win everyday, you just have to always see the positives in a negative even if it gets rock bottom theres always something good im something bad you just have to be positive",0.9108,positive,jealous 780,depressed,I think I am very unlucky. How can I cope?,listener_1,4,"I did that last year when i went to college and i regretted it honestly, everyone isnt the same. I thought i would develop affection for others but i didn't...",0.34,positive,neutral 781,depressed,Lack of interest,speaker,1,"Hey, hi, yo. Fifteen years old, normal skinny white reclusive shitposter. Never formally diagnosed with anything other than Asperger's syndrome, because of which I haven't really made many friends, especially since I've had to move. I don't want to be an attention whоre, so I don't really say/post anything about it, in fear of it either not being relevant, or being given the equivalent of a depression Navy Seal Copypasta. I don't really feel drastic emotion, just a small kek at a meme or a period of mild dissatisfaction in the mornings. Funerals, reunions, etcetera don't really affect me. I've realized that my life is uniform and mapped ahead of me since I was born. Due to the previously stated ""quirks"" (or whatever you want to call them) I've kind of lost interest in... well, everything. Looking for potential colleges to spend the rest of my life paying loans off to doesn't really appeal to me, nor does being a minimum wage worker defacto-NPC for the rest of my life. Nothing is entertaining anymore, or ever was in some cases. So now I just make a ton of edgy jokes because I know life is essentially a joke. I don't want to talk to anyone physically about it, because I l know they'll probably put me on some medication or do some crazy shit that supposedly doesn't even help either way. I'm functioning, I don't have suicidal thoughts or harm myself, just this overwhelming distaste and lack of empathy in/for anything. I sort of just drone through life, listen to people talk at me, do homework, Y'know. Just wanted to say something about it to someone, even if it is kinda minor in comparison to a bunch of other people. Feels bad, man.",-0.9446,negative,ashamed 781,depressed,Lack of interest,listener_1,2,Well I mean that's what I use to feel and still do from time to time I don't really find interest in anything and that sucks ,-0.4742,negative,disappointed 781,depressed,Lack of interest,speaker,3, ¯\_(•-•)_/¯ ,0.0,neutral,disappointed 782,depressed,One of the biggest lies I've been told,speaker,1,"A little over two years ago I graduated high school. While at the time I was excited for ""my life to begin,"" it was quite bittersweet as well. I never have been the best at making friends and especially keeping them. It seems like people are only around me for a short time till they find people more interesting and better overall. Anyway my graduation party soon followed after the end of school. It was a good party and it turned out better than expected. I felt loved at the time, which is a feeling I don't get very often because I'm so depressed all the time. Especially nowadays. The next day I was reading through cards that people had left and in about two or three, there were some words that no one has ever said to me before. Since these came from my lower class men friends that still had another 2-3 years of high school left, I guess that's why they wrote what the wrote. The cards said ""I don't know what I'm going to do without you next year"" or ""I can't even explain how much I'll miss you next year,"" etc. reading those cards I'm sure made me cry. They truly meant a lot. And for better or for worse, I hold on to what people say. Even seemingly little things I remember for awhile. This was definitely one of them. For one of the first times I actually felt needed and wanted. It was amazing! College soon came and I found myself missing people at home terribly. Honestly I would cry to myself when no one was around because of how badly I missed my friends. I cried myself to sleep countless times too. They mean the world to me. I'm about to begin my junior year of college and as time continues to pass, one of my biggest fears has surfaced once again. People leaving. They talk less and less, hang out less and less. And I don't hardly see them without myself initiating it. What they said in those cards wasn't true. And I was a fool to believe it. I've learned through this that no matter what (at least for me) I'll never truly be needed. People talk but in the end they don't need me. They never have. It was all a lie. In the end everyone always leaves no matter what. ",0.816,positive,sad 782,depressed,One of the biggest lies I've been told,speaker,2,"I'm a girl so for me a boyfriend is what I'd need lol, but I haven't had a relationship in a very long time :( ",-0.518,negative,lonely 782,depressed,One of the biggest lies I've been told,listener_1,3,Don't worry you'll find a guy and have a good relationship. I really stopped being friend with everyone I knew from HS including my best friend. All my college years we're spent online so you'll have more time to interact with people. Plus as you get old most people get preoccupied with their marriage or kids anyway. Find something that matters just as much as breathing. For me I travel. No girlfriend no kid and I'm 27/male. Right now I'm sitting depressed in a hotel room in Europe because I haven't made any friends. But tomorrow is a new day and if I at least put on a fake smile I might be able to turn things around. Can't say every country has made me happy but such is life. Maybe one day I'll be able to find someone and settle down with. For reference I've been to 17 countries so far. ,0.8444,positive,lonely 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,speaker,1,"Girlfriend broke up about 4 months ago, been lonely and depressed since, also icing on the cake been unemployed almost since then... Makes me wonder what life's gonna throw at me next...",-0.8225,negative,lonely 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,listener_1,2,"My GF broke up with me almost 2 months ago. Altough i over her, theres still me sitting at home unemployed and have no clue what to do next.",-0.6124,negative,lonely 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,speaker,3,I feel you bro a 100% ,0.0,neutral,trusting 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,speaker,4,Your username is what i think about the most these days ,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,speaker,5,Don't give up tho.. i miss my ex but im still clinging on to a little ray of hope.. lets all be miserable together,-0.2836,negative,consoling 783,depressed,Life's been handing me lemons by the dozen,listener_2,6,Misery loves company :),0.4588,positive,joyful 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,1,Who do I talk to? Who can I tell about my suffering without feeling like I'm a burden? How to show others that I am in pain and I can't help them with their pain? Many persons talk to me about their problems. Am I a therapist? No. I'm a programmer. So why are they looking to me? I guess it's because I care and I do my best to help. So who do I talk to? When is it my turn to get help/ support? Where is that person that will give up their sorrow to help me? Guess that person doesn't exist or I was just the only fool doing that. I don't want to die. I really wish I can find another way out. I really wish these wounds would heal. I wish I didn't care. I wish I wasn't a friend. How much longer do I have to suffer? How much longer do I hold it inside? How long before they say I'm the bad one? How long before i get the strength to disappear? ,-0.8658,negative,ashamed 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_1,2,"I understand how you are feeling. I was always the one others talked to, but never felt comfortable even suggesting that I could use an ear or a shoulder for a while. I never wanted to be a burden. I still don't, to be honest. I talked to my doctor. He put me in contact with a social worker that I could talk to for free. Sure, I can only get an appointment every 3 weeks or so, but believe me, it helps. I just tell myself that this guy is getting paid to listen to me, so it's not a burden, it's a job. Somehow that made it more palatable to me. Please don't give up. I've been fighting this depression hell for 20 years (diagnosed) and probably another 15 years undiagnosed. Meds and talk therapy can help even out the potholes on this path we are on. You deserve the chance to feel better.",0.2914,positive,trusting 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,3,Thanks I hope one day no one feels this way and it really is hell. I want to see a doctor but I live in an area where people will avoid you if you are depressed or any other mental illness.,-0.906,negative,consoling 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,4,"Hey thanks but I don't want to be a burden. I know the "" don't worry, you aren't"" talk cuz I do it myself but it's a feeling I can't get away from. But thank you for replying and giving me hope that there are good hearted ppl out there, like me.",0.9579,positive,neutral 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,5,"I understand what you mean. When I tried showing my true self, lonely and depressed. Everyone stayed away. No one wants to deal with that. I don't think anyone knows what to do. Another thing is that the culture in my country is to hide it and drink alcohol. So no one cares to understand it. I drink as much as I can but it doesn't help really. I trying to hide some medication and try those.",-0.8655,negative,lonely 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,6,Being Romanian and coming from a line of alcoholics I can relate. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,7,I told myself I won't get like that but then what choice do I have,-0.1419,negative,neutral 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,8,You can always try moving to a new city. A change of scenery can help you rediscover yourself. ,0.4019,positive,suggesting 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,9,"I want to move to another country as soon as I get the money, been thinking about it for years",0.0772,positive,hopeful 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,10,You should. Work towards that goal and nothing else. Shit I'm having several beers in Moldova and having a good time. Just keep up on news. Some places are not so safe depending on your skin color. Which is surprising in this day and age. But that's what happens. ,0.3501,positive,hopeful 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,11,Well I don't hear about racial issues in Canada as much and I've been considering there for some time now.,0.2732,positive,apprehensive 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,12,Try it out. Canadians are pretty nice people overall. Met a few in my travels and always had a pleasant time. ,0.8519,positive,content 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,13,Nice. Makes me want to go even more :),0.7501,positive,acknowledging 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,14,Let me know how everything pans out with you. GL! ,0.0,neutral,encouraging 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,15,Thanks but that's not gonna be for a few years tho. Have to finish my degree and then work for a few years due to the government tuition assistance program,0.2382,positive,neutral 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,listener_2,16,You have a plan and that's a good start. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 784,depressed,Help me?? Anyone?,speaker,17,Thanks for the encouragement. I will really try to make this happen.,0.6908,positive,faithful 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,speaker,1," I tried to stop her, but i was too late now i don't know what to do...",-0.1531,negative,afraid 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,listener_1,2,How long you've been together? What happened? Don't blame your self on this.,0.3391,positive,questioning 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,speaker,3,"7 months and she was very depressed so she took her life, i tried to cheer her up and stop her but it didn't work.",-0.1893,negative,neutral 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,listener_1,4,"Any clue why she was depressed. I mean it's all over now but let's at least try to see what happened here. I'm sorry for you, know how you feel. But shit happens all the time",-0.8176,negative,sympathizing 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,speaker,5,She said that her parents were really getting her.,0.0,neutral,impressed 785,depressed,My girlfriend is dead...,listener_1,6,"Feel sorry for your loss. Start reading something, start to workout, don't think about it, push through that shit everyday. Cause when your feelings is killing you even in this type of situation make sure they ain't doing shit to you!",-0.7696,negative,sympathizing 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,speaker,1,"24 year old female. No job, still live at home. Live off welfare. I've been looking for work for 9 months and nothing. I don't really have any goals for the future anymore. I don't know what I want to do with my life. I have an eating disorder (BED) which makes things worse because I am gaining weight despite going to the gym to try to feel better. I've tried almost everything they recommend to try to keep going it just has slowly creeped in regardless of what I do. I have an appointment with my doctor but it isn't for another 2 weeks. I guess I just want to know - does anyone else feel like a hopeless youth with no direction or hope in life? Or really just anyone share their experiences/thoughts/feelings.",-0.4396,negative,ashamed 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,listener_1,2,"Right there with you. 21F just moved back home at the beginning of the year, haven't had a job for well over a year, little to no idea on what I want to do with my life. No hobbies, few friends, my boyfriend left me because of my lack of ambition which is why I had to move back home. I've also developed an eating issue were I just don't eat because the Ex ended things by also telling me I was too fat to love, 25 pounds lost tho 👌🏼 Life is basically a walking shit show because I have no drive or idea on what to do with my life. I'm going back to college in the fall for the first time in two years for something I'm not even interested in but it's a degree course that is logical and has a good job market for when I'm done so I can hopefully be a productive member of society for once in my life 😂 So yeah, there are others out here who feel the way you do. Life is hella hard when you have no drive. ",0.9206,positive,lonely 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,speaker,3,I wish I had the direction some people have. They know what they want and work towards it.... but if you don't know what you want it's so difficult.,-0.3048,negative,jealous 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,speaker,4,I unfortunately overeat something terrible because of being bored and depressed constantly. Which then causes more depression because of the weight gained. I graduated university at the start of the year but I studied something I loved out of stupidity and have no hopes of using it to get a job. Not even able to get a job at a supermarket checkout. ,-0.768,negative,ashamed 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,listener_1,5,"The overeating due to depression and boredom is something I know very well, that's what got me to the point my Ex told me I was too fat to love anymore. That hurt me so badly that I couldn't stand to look in the mirror anymore and just lost any urges to eat. Now I count calories like an obsession and I've lost 25 pounds, halfway to my goal of losing 50 pounds to go from 190 to 140 🙌🏻 My university courses will get me a job in a specialized field that I have absolutely no interest in but will basically guarantee me a salary desk job and that's what I was looking for after almost a full two years of being unemployed. Life is hella hard ",-0.7523,negative,ashamed 786,depressed,I don't feel like there is no point to my life anymore,speaker,6,I guess it does depend on the job too I guess. Hard to find fulfillment in a lot of roles.,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 787,depressed,Anyone else?,speaker,1,Anyone else constantly in pain and unable to be happy for a respectable amount of time? No? Just me? Ah.,0.5913,positive,lonely 787,depressed,Anyone else?,listener_1,2,"I think the actual physical ache of being long term depressed is one of the things that genuinely bothers me the most. I have a constant ache in my neck that won't go away and I know it's just because I'm touch-starved but as I'm also sans friends/support network for the summer it's really been grinding on me recently. Try and do something nice for yourself, like take a hot bath or shower, or if you feel comfortable ask a friend/loved one for a hug. Sometimes a good hug is all you need. Much love from an internet stranger. ",0.9803,positive,sad 787,depressed,Anyone else?,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,speaker,1,"I know there are probably people in this group that needs the help more than I do. But I am really down. Like really down. Does anyone have any suggestions on something that can lift my mood, even if it's just for a couple minutes? I'm desperate. I can't cope with everyday life and I know that makes me sound like a huge pussy but I just can't. If I could change how I feel and just snap out of it I would have a long time ago. I'm just so sad. ",0.3139,positive,disappointed 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,listener_1,2,"Hey I know the feeling. Most days I wake up wishing that I didn't. I try listening to music or finding something I like doing to distract me, like play video games. I've heard others say to surround yourself with friends and ppl that care. I don't have that but if you can, try it. Also if you want, you can PM me and we could have a chat",0.7845,positive,lonely 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,speaker,3,Thanks internet friend ❤️,0.7269,positive,wishing 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,listener_1,4,Anytime <3 ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,listener_2,5,"Oh ya, I just discovered that this makes a big difference for me, especially the next day. But I have really bad lungs so the next few days I struggle to breathe... ",-0.8458,negative,agreeing 788,depressed,How do I dig my way out?,speaker,6,Oh yeah. But I can't currently because I'm pregnant. ,0.1531,positive,neutral 789,depressed,happy on the outside horrible on the inside,speaker,1,"Hello anyone who reads this. I'm 26 years old and I have no friends at the moment. I work at odd times due to my job and honestly the only times I am happy is when i'm with a customer. I have been in my current job now for almost 6 years and have been trying to obtain other work for the past 2 of those years for only time and time again to hear ""sorry but we will not be taking your job application any furthur"". There honestly comes the time where I wonder what's the point of even trying? I currently work as a taxi driver and am honestly sick of doing this job but I cannot get another job. I have wanted to study but alot of places here where im from in New Zealand take away from time in the car and not making any money. What mainly interest me is automotive and I.T I am quite lonely at times mainly due to me never having a friend when I get home and never being with a girlfriend certinaly doesn't help. Recently I have been having some health problems where in one case I collapsed and had to go to hospital and the doctors think it might be down to changes with my body and stress, I have started going to the gym with my flatmate Hayden who I honestly think is currently one of my only friends. I'm always feeling like this just sad and depressed because I try for it to be thrown back at me. I only moved out from home last year and that was quite tough but the guys at the flat are really nice so that put my mind at ease, I honestly think I have a anxiety disorder mainly because I hate the idea of rejection as I was rejected at birth by my parents ( not a troll ) what I mainly want to know is. Does it get any better or is this it? I have tried time and time again to have it thrown back and i'm at the point of just giving up.",-0.8923,negative,lonely 789,depressed,happy on the outside horrible on the inside,speaker,2,.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 789,depressed,happy on the outside horrible on the inside,listener_1,3,I will second this motion. ,0.0,neutral,confident 790,depressed,Depression is back,speaker,1,One of those days when you just can't be bothered to get out of bed but also cant sleep. And you know you are worthless and terrible. And can't bring yourself to eat anything. And you feel anxious because there are so many things I have to do but I just can't fucking do them today. ,-0.8756,negative,sad 790,depressed,Depression is back,listener_1,2,"I'm really sorry to hear that bud...I've been there far more times than I would like. If you need anyone to talk to, feel free to respond to this comment or shoot me a pm. This community is here to help. Do you have any hobbies? When I'm not feeling good I like to practice my programming or read a book. ",0.6406,positive,sympathizing 790,depressed,Depression is back,speaker,3,Thanks :) ,0.7096,positive,wishing 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,speaker,1,"Up until 3 or 4 months ago i was probably the happiest guy you knew. I had just gotten varsity wrestling and was promoted to section leader for marching band and had a girlfriend that made me very happy. Everything started to spiral out of control when my girlfriends dad passed away this april. She seemed find at first, but this was just shock and she broke up with me and refuses to talk to me ever again even though i did nothing wrong. She was my only friend and she made me so happy. I am a very sensitive person and i get attached way too easily and she was the only person that seemed to ever care about me. Obviously she probably just didn't have time for a boyfriend, she had other things on her mind, but she let me down probably the worst way. fast forward 2 months and i just can't do it anymore. My days consist of me thinking about her and how much i miss talking to her. I eat half a meal a day, im losing weight fast and i stopped going to the gym. I saw her for the first time in 2 months today when we ran into eachother at walmart and when i came home i broke down and cried and cried and texted her begging her to please just let me be her friend so i can feel cared for again. she just said leave me alone and blocked me. She wont tell me why she doesn't want to be my friend and she acknowledges i didn't do anything wrong and she knows how sensitive i am. Why did i deserve this?? What makes it worse is starting monday i have to see her everyday because school is starting and we have alot of similar classes/extra curricular. I don't know how im going to get any better and everyone is just saying oh its just a breakup you'll get over it and i know i will eventually but she was literally apart of me and to lose her out of nowhere and not know why just kills me and i just dont know what to do. My question is what do you guys do to get your mind of things that make you depressed? I've been playing video games and watching youtube videos but nothing is helping and i was wondering what helps you guys get through tough times. Thanks for reading. sorry for bad writing this is like my first post.",-0.3037,negative,devastated 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,listener_1,2,"It's going to take time. Sounds like it's the biggest heart break you've had and it's a real pain. I've been there and it took a few months to get through. What I did was I found an online support group. A group of people going through the same thing or similar ones and when I felt my depression creep up I poured out my emotions to them and they helped me and I did the same for them until we each one by one got better slowly. But I never fully recovered and I still have small moments occasionally but I never have any desire for the guy that broke my heart so bad. Don't let her pull your strings. She made the decision and she's not going back so don't give yourself hope. She's gone and just leave it be. Giving yourself hope hurts the most. You expect something to happen and it doesn't. Focus on what you love and try new things too. I drove and hiked outside a lot on my own to gety mind off things. I even did a bit of online dating and talk to guys that were also an emotional mess and we bonded in the weirdest ways. But you have to be safe if you're going to do that. But I would recommend getting a few people you can vent to about anything and any time. That would be your best bet right now esp since you are needing someone to care for you. She's gone. So don't put yourself down so much, you're great on your own and there are better people than her. You can't see it now. But you can't fix her ok? She has to fix herself and she'll figure it out eventually but don't force your way to be with her. Ever. Go do your own life and take one day at a time. If you need someone to chat just message me. ",0.9803,positive,trusting 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,speaker,3,"This whole post was a question on how to deal with depression, I have no idea how you completely assessed how i treated her in our year long relationship with 2 paragraphs. Who do you think stayed up with her for hours and hours listening to her and helping her feel better in her time of need? who do you think told her she can literally call me at 3 am so she doesnt have to be alone with her thoughts when no one else would? who do you think tried to do everything in their power so just she can smile? you dont know the relationship or me man, not even a little bit. In no way did i say her dad passing away is more important than me. I can never ever fathom how hard this is for her and i have tried everything in my power to make this easier for her. If she thinks itll be easier if we never talk again, thats fine. But you have to understand that its hard for the one person that ever cared about you leaves you and its not even your fault. I'm i not allowed to be sad? I'm i not allowed to miss talking to her? I'm not sure what your deal is, i just wanted to give some background information so itll be easier to understand, but you blew this way out of proportion. She literally told me i've made the grieving process so much easier for her to handle because she knew she always had someone to talk to no matter what. I'm just sad because I lost the girl that really made me happy and i wanted some help to get over this. Never in my 2 paragraphs did i ever say how much i hate her for doing this or how shes a bitch or how everything is about me, because she isn't. She is a wonderful person who has something that i would never wish on my worst enemy . It was very wrong for you to evaluate how i treated her just from my emotions. Not sure what your problem is, but you just dont know the whole story in order to tell me what im doing right and wrong.",-0.9818,negative,impressed 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,listener_2,4,"I quoted your words. And I said break ups were hard. Your part about getting over depression was just the last two sentences. Everything else you wrote about about yourself. I simply quoted your own words. If what you wrote was the part you felt we most needed to hear, over what you wrote to me know, then that's a valid assumption to think all you care about is your own suffering. I didn't read anything into it that you didn't write yourself. ",-0.5859,negative,trusting 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,speaker,5,"That being said, It was definitely my fault for texting her and i have already apologized way before this thread. I wasn't thinking and i was in state of emotional stress.",0.0258,neutral,ashamed 791,depressed,Not as serious as other posts but would really appreciate some help,listener_3,6,"Woah dude. You need therapy so badly. You're coming off as the creepy stalker who can't take a hint. That is not a good reputation to have in high school. Your aggressive response to strangers trying to help shows you're not stable. Get help man. You keep saying she won't tell you what you did wrong, well I guarantee this ""I can do no wrong and world is unfair"" attitude had a huge part to play with it. The question is will you recognize it and try to change or just attack everyone that points it out to you.",-0.8121,negative,angry 792,depressed,i don't think i can live with this.,speaker,1,"there's like a big chance that the boy i was hooking up with gave me an std. and i don't think i can live with this. i won't be able to enjoy sex anymore. idk what i've done wrong. idk why all this shit is happening. this year was a shitshow. fuck. i hope that the doc says that it's just an infection. if not i really want somebody to kill me before i manage to go home. if i have an std i wish that i die. i cant live with that. my heart is dropping every time that i think about it. and i hate that i'm going to be one of the daughters too. i hate that i'm going to be as problematic as my sisters. the crazy one, the druggy and the infected-for-life one. i can't do that to my mom and to myself. i will hate me more. it will destroy me. i want to pray to god and ask for help, but i don't think he will help me. if this shit is going on and i'm infected, i'm done with life. i really am. i won't succeed because of it. it will always be there and haunt me, tell me that i had to be even more careful. it was the only thing that i was scared of and i wouldn't have sex. and now i'll probably have one. well. shit. if i don't post again i might be dead :)",-0.9876,negative,afraid 792,depressed,i don't think i can live with this.,listener_1,2,Hey I'm sorry to hear that. I'm not sure but maybe you can find a support group or someone that has been there. I've seen that sometimes help. I hope it isn't serious and you're ok,0.9253,positive,suggesting 792,depressed,i don't think i can live with this.,listener_2,3,I'm really glad that you're okay :D ,0.8491,positive,sympathizing 792,depressed,i don't think i can live with this.,speaker,4,i think it was a sign that i should start taking care of myself again..,0.4939,positive,suggesting 792,depressed,i don't think i can live with this.,listener_2,5,"Yeah, that's a good reminder for us all to receive :D ",0.8455,positive,acknowledging 793,depressed,please...?,speaker,1,Can someome just hold me and tell me it will be okay?,0.2263,positive,questioning 793,depressed,please...?,listener_1,2,"I hear you, and your feelings are real. ",0.0,neutral,agreeing 793,depressed,please...?,listener_2,3,">[**I WANT TO LIVE! [2:58]**](http://youtu.be/83R49SUddtg) >>This scene is just too touching ; ; > [*^Niyaze*](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbU15uH0ZYEeZrL9c3U8O6Q) ^in ^Film ^& ^Animation >*^632,837 ^views ^since ^Nov ^2006* [^bot ^info](/r/youtubefactsbot/wiki/index)",0.3237,positive,nostalgic 794,depressed,Depression is fucked,speaker,1,"Im currently trying to to convince my self that i dont need anyone or anything , but my life is so insufficient , i just dont see the point in what i could bring to the tables of mankind , i really just want to end my life story here by i wanna see what other stuff kendrick comes up with , music is what keeps me alive lol *sighs* another weekend alone.",0.7886,positive,lonely 794,depressed,Depression is fucked,listener_1,2,"Hahah same here too. Music keeps me alive too. So just go through that shit with help of music. Cause man if there wasn't music (The Weeknd, Drake, Kendrick) Who knows where i'll be",0.1779,positive,agreeing 794,depressed,Depression is fucked,speaker,3,They'll still be that weird drum banging and random noises our ancestors use to make lol ,0.2732,positive,nostalgic 795,depressed,Reaching out doesn't always have a happy ending,speaker,1,"After attempting suicide by slashing my wrists, I went to the clinic and straight to a counselor who alerted my sister about my condition. They asked me what the problem was and I answered honestly: school. I'd rather die than go to school, yes. In which she promptly replied with a ""suck it up"". After a few weeks of opening up to my sister and realizing that it's not going to get me anywhere, I reached out to my parents and was greeted with a ""You have no problem and cut your emotional crap out. "" They also explained in a screamfest fashion how I have no right to be depressed, to be sad, to have a problem, to have an issue, and to complain. And when the tension was down, I weakly pleaded again. I, again, tried to articulate my thoughts and explain to them my decreasing motivation and will to live, my struggle to even get out of bed. They got angrier. Now I don't know what to do. ",-0.9817,negative,embarrassed 795,depressed,Reaching out doesn't always have a happy ending,listener_1,2,Ok your parents are not understanding of your condition so normally u have to play the morbid card because that is the only way stubborn people understand this ,0.2263,positive,neutral 795,depressed,Reaching out doesn't always have a happy ending,listener_2,3,"I dont have clinical depression, but I go through fits of depression, and I cant stand talking to my family about it. I either talk to a friend or person I know that would understand. Even doing this, venting to people on reddit and tumblr and sruff could help me.",0.5857,positive,lonely 796,depressed,ok,speaker,1,"if overdosing is the most painful way to go, then so be it. ",-0.4927,negative,neutral 796,depressed,ok,listener_1,2,I love you,0.6369,positive,caring 796,depressed,ok,speaker,3,i love you too ,0.6369,positive,agreeing 796,depressed,ok,listener_1,4,Good (:,0.7269,positive,impressed 797,depressed,I'm Fucking tired,speaker,1,"I'm done, done with everything. I'm done pretending everything thing is ok. I'm done not understanding why I feel the way I Fucking feel. I'm done fighting. It's only a matter of time until I just end it.",-0.25,negative,angry 797,depressed,I'm Fucking tired,listener_1,2,❤,0.6369,positive,grateful 797,depressed,I'm Fucking tired,listener_2,3,me too:/,0.0,neutral,agreeing 798,depressed,I think I'm finally ready to give up,speaker,1,"I'm done. I'm 29. I've been chasing this acting dream since I can remember. I just dont think I can do it anymore. I know I""m going to probably do something with computers because that can make money and I can get off the mountain of debt that I'm under. I just dont want to do do that. I just want to waste away in my bed until I finally just succumb to malnurishment. I have health issues that doctors cant pin point. With Trumps America I'm giong to lose my health insurance and go even more in debt. I'm fucked. I""m done. I love my fiance. Shes the only reason I don't want to jump in front of the CTA. I don't know what to do. I'm fucked. No matter what I do I'll be in debt until im dead. I can't do anything right. ",-0.9657,negative,sad 798,depressed,I think I'm finally ready to give up,listener_1,2,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCnB9lgaCd0,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 798,depressed,I think I'm finally ready to give up,listener_2,3,">[**Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister) Inspiring Speech: ""DON'T WAIT"" [2:49]**](http://youtu.be/aCnB9lgaCd0) >>Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister from HBO's Game of Thrones) delivers the 2012 commencement address in Bennington College. Here are the key highlights of his message. > [*^The ^School ^of ^Self*](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmXP7xk1x6lTa0qZ_YJfzSQ) ^in ^Education >*^86,793 ^views ^since ^Jul ^2016* [^bot ^info](/r/youtubefactsbot/wiki/index)",0.4215,positive,proud 798,depressed,I think I'm finally ready to give up,speaker,4,thanks. Pretty powerful stuff. I just gotta keep treading water. But sometimes your arms get tired ya know?,0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 798,depressed,I think I'm finally ready to give up,listener_3,5,"Find something to swim too then? Stop treating and start moving out of the water. (I know, waaaay easier to say that done. I'm trying to keep my head above water as well but I have to believe there is something worth swimming towards) ",0.3182,positive,questioning 799,depressed,"16, formerly homeless, bounced around since childhood, and lonely..",speaker,1,"Hi.. I am 16, I have no parents, well, I do, they just kicked me out over a year ago now and they're very narcissistic and abusive so I didn't go back. I got off the streets in February of this year and have been living in an apartment ever since. You see though, I feel stuck, trapped, alone and like nobody is there. You see, I'd never failed a class until September 2016, what was supposed to be my grade 11 year, what was supposed to be the year when highschool bullshit calmed down a little. However, on Canada day 2016, before school even started, I got into a lot of trouble. I used to do drugs to deal with my issues by doing drugs, usually acid, pondering the world and usually I'd come to some sort of spiritual conclusion for why I am alive and why I have to stay on this Earth to carry out the dreams I had as a child, but I was very stupid and decided to drop some tabs and go exploring the downtown of my city (which is pretty ghetto, with jibheads left and right). This guy (his name is Evan Haney for anyone wondering, and yes that is his real name, he's 11 years OLDER than me and I was still 15 at the time of this) basically told me he had a whole bunch of molly and was offering me some lines, and me, being a stupid fuck and stoned out of my mind took one look at the ""molly"" and I must have been like ""Oh yeah! Doing crushed up powder that some stranger claims to be molly is a great idea!"" and so he gave me 8 lines that would have stretched from my wrist to my middle fingertip, when I snorted it, my whole face hurt and it felt like I'd been kicked in the nose by a donkey, then in a second it was gone. Long story short he raped me and left me in a family washroom at a public park with no idea what was happening, and it turned out it was meth! So that was fucking awesome. I cried for 6 hours straight about my life, what a worthless fuck up I am and a whole boatload of other stuff. So then I go to rehab for the rest of my summer and work on myself, great, I'm staying clean! Then I leave a box in the wrong spot in my parents house, which I was living in at the time, so what happens? My dad runs up from where I left the box, screaming about how worthless I am and my mother joins in. Eventually I got tired of listening to them screaming in my face, and started to try to walk away before I lost my cool, nope, they won't let me do that. So I lose my shit, okay, then what? ""Go live on the streets! We don't want you here!"" okay cool. I try to do everything I can to find a place to stay, but guess what? Despite the fact that I was surrounded by a whole group of friends at school, I often smoked them out (let them smoke some of my weed with me for those children of god out there) supported them through every problem, and even became friends with some of them because people were isolating them and making them feel horrible, none of them helped me, and it's not that they tried either, they just ignored my messages. So I slept in the field behind an elementary school and woke up to some homeless man standing pretty close to me in the middle of the night, I think he would have robbed me or something if I hadn't have woken up and screamed. So far life's going pretty fucking awesome, I hadn't even thought about food until the morning, which proved to be a big mistake. A very big mistake. Life goes on, and eventually I find this dude to stay with, he was my ex from before that, but we'd stayed sort of friends or something? I don't really know our relationship has always been kind of toxic and we're very abusive towards each other when we're together for more than a short period of time, I stay with him for a few months, and holy fuck, between physically fighting each other (I mean like, he and I would try to use his knives on each other at some points), making each other's lives pretty miserable, all the while still being FWB? Eventually I can't put up with it anymore and in a fight he started and threw the first hit in (you can't blame him for throwing the first hit though, I threw the first ever hit and I've probably also threw the first hit just as many times as he has), I tell him ""if you keep hurting me I'll call the cops"" and he said ""Do it! I won't leave any marks, they'll think you're insane!"" so of course, I recognise the red flag, and pack up my shit and leave, he cries and begs me to stay, pretty expected. I feel like I sort of gave him Stockholm Syndrome with the abuse I put him through, while he just pushed me far away with the abuse he put me through. So smart me, doesn't want to go back to the street, especially since it was starting to get colder, and so I decided to go with the last roommate's friend and live with him for a little. Now this guy was just off, him and I had gotten in verbal arguments before due to the fact that this guy felt that I owed it to him to be his friend and be nice to him because he was socially inept and probably just as FA as I am, but more due to the fact that he's really mentally ill and ends up not only pushing away everyone around him, but thoroughly disturbing them (either just with his plain weird behaviour or being really sexually forward bordering harassment) and also acting like a spoiled overgrown three year old all the while. I stayed with him for two weeks, and then left in a real fucking hurry, not only because I found out that not only was he a sex offender, or that he assaulted someone I knew from the mental hospital when I went there in 2014. (At first he admitted it, but then tried to deny it over text multiple times and tried to tell me he wouldn't assault anyone) his house was also fucked, his stepdad was a cokehead, his little brother was mute and didn't talk to strangers but also spent hours ramming full speed into my bedroom door. The mother however, seemed like a really nice lady who was really damaged from a lot of her past, even though she never disciplined her children or even tried to get her 8 year old son to stop from breaking the bottom part of the bedroom door off), so I noped the fuck out of there. Left my laptop and a bunch of other shit I had gotten from my parents in the hopes I would have been there long term. Funny enough he wiped everything on my laptop including 100+ songs I'd written since I was about 12/13, and an entire novel (a shitty one, but still it was my first book, I really didn't want to lose it.) he claimed his little brother did it and that he was sorry, but that would mean his 8 year old brother would have had to bypass my password, wipe my laptop and THEN write over the remains of the data (I went looking, nothing.) I would just like to take this moment to say that his little brother doesn't even know how to cheat in Minecraft despite playing it everyday. So I end up at this rich kid's and I'm thinking ""I've got it made for this next month!"" NOOOOPE. They would keep me up till 5 AM when I had work at 8 AM, the kid got me to clean his room and then told his mother he did it, I cooked dinner for them only to have them turn up their noses without even trying a bite because they'd never had the dish I made before (Tuna Mac, if you haven't, try it.) then had the audacity to call me lazy, and tell me I never did anything to help them around the house, when they were the ones who sat around all day while I did shit. Oh! And not to mention their stupid fucking dog! I like dogs, I do! I love all animals, but this fucking dog. It would follow me around just to hump me any time I wasn't paying attention, chewed up my shoes, shirts and pants (even though I couldn't afford more, this kid watched as it tore up a shirt and a pair of my slippers, and would endlessly let it into the room where my stuff was or the closet to get at my shoes after me constantly telling him not to) and what does the family say when I get upset about their dog ruining basically everything I own, ""You can't blame him for being a dog."" So I left. Begged my parents to let me come home, nope. Shortly after that my work fires me without telling me ( they just stopped scheduling me ) I end up at my old friend from school's new apartment, and (thank god) my two roommates aren't crazy. And while all this shit is happening? I was trying to do my grade 11 year, I failed almost every single class, between not being able to afford bus tickets to actually get to school, not being able to focus, or just being too sad to even want to go. I get sent to a program for truants and save two credits in my first semester, but then fail the second completely and get expelled from my highschool (which wasn't my first highschool either, it was an arts school, I'd left my homeschool to get away from my bullies and to get closer to connections in the music industry ((Instead I became a drug dealer, an addict, and overall more miserable than grade 9 me who constantly tried to kill herself and went to the mental hospital a bunch)) ) But that brings us to here: Shortly after I get to my friend from school's, I start dating him, and we've been dating for six months. If I'm being honest, I think I sort of learned to love him, because before I was in a situation where it was winter, and I knew I couldn't afford to stay on the streets in the Canadian cold, and pretty much every shelter in my area was full or too brutal for me to even try staying at. And his apartment was my only apartment, but he was also asking me out. If I turned him down I figured there was a pretty good chance I would be on the street, so I said yes, but now I don't think I would be okay if I got thrown out on my ass again. He's a good guy, and he treats me like a queen, better than the scum and even better than the non-scummy people I've dated so far. He and our roommate pay rent, buy groceries and take care of me.. I feel like I do nothing, I clean when I can get myself out of bed. I know it's been six almost seven months since I moved in, but I can't help but think ""how long is this place going to last?"" or worry about what will happen if we break up, on top of that I also constantly find myself thinking that I'm just a place for him to stick his dick, and that's the only reason I have a roof over my head right now, even though he tells me different all the time. I can't help but feeling like a huge burden and like it would be easier for everyone if I didn't exist. He tells me he'll be by my side, but if I can't even keep my own parents at my side, keep a childhood friend at my side or even just a regular friend, why should I believe I could ever keep him at my side? Then there's the fact that I haven't been able to find a job in six months, and the fact that my sadness from the entire past year has kept me inside pretty much 24/7 (especially now that I don't have a job, or school to force me outside.) I feel useless, I try to stay chipper and cheery for my roommate and boyfriend (especially my boyfriend, because I feel like the more he sees me depressed, the more he feels I am ungrateful) it doesn't always work. I don't know how the hell I will ever get a job, work, pay taxes, rent and function like a human, I honestly have been thinking that it may just be too much of a challenge for me, that I may just be way too weak to handle life. I don't even have friends to talk to outside anymore, I can't see a reason to live when all I do is struggle and barely endure it. At first, I pictured myself taking my boyfriend + roommates bottles of naproxen and settling in for the long nap, but I'm more likely to get an ulcer than die from naproxen. Then I saw myself taking my boyfriend's belt and hanging myself on the curtain rod, but I bent it (surprisingly enough), I saw myself finding the toaster we lost somewhere in the apartment, plugging it in and taking it for a nice long bath, and I also saw myself cutting open the arteries in my thigh, wrists and throat, but I was too scared of the pain. I saw myself jumping off a building, but I don't want children to be able to watch me die. I just want to get out of this feeling of being trapped, but no matter where I go, what city I run to, or how many times I do it, it follows me. I just want to do what's best, I know I will never be a functioning member of society, and what use is a human who doesn't contribute to society in any way? I'm not worth anything, nobody really cares about me, otherwise people would fight to keep me, they wouldn't just move on. Nobody wants me unless I'm helping them, and I don't matter unless I'm sucking their dick. I can't help but feel like life is just too cruel and like it's just never going to get any better than this. I just don't think I could ever actually be an adult, or do anything with my life. Or be anyone or anything. I hate myself, and everything that I am, because I know there's something wrong with me. The reason I only told you from Canada Day 2016 to now is because A. Everyone I know and came to like from before abandoned me without telling me why or even saying goodbye. I know for everyone it's only a matter of time before they realise I'm fucked or I'm no longer useful. B. It would have taken too long I don't think I can continue trying to bear all the weight of my world on my back. I don't think I can continue. I think it's time for me to hit quit and check out my highscore. Here I thought writing this all out would help and make me not want to die, but I think I feel a little worse now that it's in words, I haven't even told this story to anyone I know irl, and reading it over just makes me feel like a stupid brat, because there are so many people who have it so much worse and here I am on Reddit, after six months of living somewhere, and always having food, complaining about my shitty life. I should just give up.",-0.9983,negative,lonely 799,depressed,"16, formerly homeless, bounced around since childhood, and lonely..",listener_1,2,"In BC, you can apply for underage income assistance if your parents admit you are not welcome at home. It's not much but it's enough for good and bus tickets. Just don't tell them you are living with your boyfriend. Won't fix your depression but having money and the other resources that come with welfare can be helpful. Maybe your area has something like that? I'm sorry that you are going through this and that your parents aren't helpful. I have a teenager who dropped out of school and does a lot of drugs. My anger at him was actually disappointment in myself for feeling like I failed as a parent. Your parents likely feel helpless and could use some counselling themselves to not feel that way. I worked with a nurse and counsellor to come up with a harm-reduction strategy for my son. It works. We get along again. ",-0.6048,negative,sympathizing 799,depressed,"16, formerly homeless, bounced around since childhood, and lonely..",speaker,3,"Funny you should say that, I'm from Ontario, and I've applied for this assistance, twice actually, both times I was told I wasn't eligible, for my age the first time (15), and the second my inability to prove the fact that I was actually kicked out, literally because they won't write a letter saying so, despite people being able to testify otherwise if I wanted to mess with the law and to be honest at my age and with the way these systems are, I think I'd die.. Honestly, the funniest part about my parents, is that they kicked me out after I got clean off everything. Told people I left, yet never bothered to message me. My mother actually told people that I regularly did meth, and their behaviours go back a lot further than that. I can't remember if I mentioned this, but before I was born, a whole bunch of drama went down, my mother isn't the birth mother of my eldest sister, and she's always been jealous of her birth mother. Like fucked up crazy jealous. This woman was telling my half-sister that she would name her son after my half-sister's newborn half-brother to spite her mother. This woman gave my half-sister oreo cookies and milk to apologise for spanking her until she passed out, and told her ""this will be our little secret"". This woman told my half sister's birth mother, (at my half sister's birthday party, at her birth mother's house. My mother was invited to this in good faith that she would behave herself, and want her step daughter to have a good time) that she ""would never be seen with a whore like you"" and splashed her drink in her birth mother's face, as well as spat in it and tried to attack her. (My sister's birth mother is a lot stronger physically, imagine a 13yr old girl in her first fight, against a well seasoned street fighter.) My parents grounded my brother and sister for half a year at times. My parents made sure to destroy any confidence we had in ourselves, some of my favourite examples of that are: Telling my brother he's an idiot and treat him like garbage because he wasn't good at math, and slower at learning when it came to logical things. However he's a great musician, probably the best bass and guitar player I've met, but he doesn't think so, he never really talks about anything anymore because my parents always treated him like he was always wrong, and like he didn't know anything, and wouldn't be able to do anything with his life due to his lack of skill and knowledge. This led to issues of alcoholism, depression, drug problems, and of course, he moved out at 16 (which fucked him financially, and he ended up in debt and back at my parent's, on and off, even now at 27). Telling my sister that she was just seeking attention when she tried to overdose (unsuccessfully), and just in general calling her an attention whore (before recent times it was ""attention seeker"", but they try to be hip despite being 50) all the time for everything she did. When I first tried to learn guitar, I picked up how to play ""love me tender"" slowly, in the first day. Excited I could play it at all, went to show my mother, who I at the time, believed wasn't as bad as my borderline-OCD dad, and yes, I did play it pretty slow, but you could still tell what it was and I was also 11 and it was the first day I'd actually picked up a guitar, but my mother stopped me somewhere in the middle and said ""Okay, now play it like a song."" Being told off and treated like an imbecile for doing things outside of my father's exact procedures, as they are the ""right"" way of doing things Any passion, interest, issue or general inquiry we wanted to show/bring up to our parents, had to wait until the commercial break. Along with so many millions of other things, it just goes on, as much as I wish I could live without them easily, it's not very easy. However, I've cut off all forms of contact, so there's that. ",0.9695,positive,angry 800,depressed,I just want to ram my car into a tree on the way to work daily.,speaker,1,I hate my apartment I hate that my neighbors below me don't work I hate that when they moved in they took my parking spot I hate that I care I hate their stupid trashy kids toys splayed all over the yard I hate my car I hate my job I hate how bored it makes me every single day I hate how my boyfriend doesn't wanna hear it I hate that I finally adopted cats and that still didn't help I hate my coworkers daily rants about how she doesn't get enough dick I hate worrying about making food I hate clothes I hate this fucking miserable hot weather I hate my stupid face that I have to look at daily I hate that I'm even writing this I hate that no one will care ,-0.9961,negative,angry 801,depressed,I don't know why I hate myself,speaker,1,"I'm 23, 2-3 months from 24. I have zero ambition towards my future I'm probably going to be that guy that lives with his parents till he's 40 I don't find enjoyment in anything anymore I play league and overwatch just to pass the time and to feel something. Whether its excitement for a win, or upset after a loss. Nothing brings me joy anymore Playing games with friends has become a chore because of my apathetic mood towards everything I do care for my friends and all I wish I could tell you why i'm depressed I can't I have no reason to I have a car I have a family that hasnt abused me or anything I just feel broken on the inside and I'm too stuck in my ways to fix it.",0.7502,positive,sad 801,depressed,I don't know why I hate myself,listener_1,2,I feel the same way I'm Dylan by the way only difference I have this toilet phobia stage fright really bad which has shaped my life which sucks. Today I lifted weights and imagined of a life I wanted that helps a bit. ,-0.8357,negative,anxious 801,depressed,I don't know why I hate myself,speaker,3,I'm sorry dude :/ Glad you went to lift weights though.good for you :),0.5106,positive,sympathizing 801,depressed,I don't know why I hate myself,speaker,4,I know exactly how you feel man :/,-0.34,negative,agreeing 802,depressed,I feel like death,speaker,1,Somebody please give me a contextless compliment or words of encouragement. ,0.802,positive,suggesting 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_1,2,i feel the same.. we'll both get through it? maybe. hopefully. let's try friend,0.7096,positive,consoling 802,depressed,I feel like death,speaker,3,At least I have a cat,0.0,neutral,content 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_2,4,I'm glad you have a cat. Sometimes my pets are the only reason I get out of bed in the morning. ,0.4588,positive,grateful 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_1,5,I want a cat D: my mom has one and she doesnt let it in the house. i want to adopt it but i cant have one cause im allergic. and my apt is a studio,-0.0473,neutral,caring 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_3,6,Get a cat that doesn't shed ,0.0,neutral,sad 802,depressed,I feel like death,speaker,7,You should definitely aim for a pet you aren't allergic to. Octopuses are pretty cute ,0.8686,positive,hopeful 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_1,8,yeah we have a hedgehog :) it's hard to cuddle with her though lol octos are cute! and smart,0.9117,positive,acknowledging 802,depressed,I feel like death,listener_1,9,I probably will someday :) right now i live in a tiny studio apt. with my SO and we already have a hedgehog so it's impossibly cramped. but you can't cuddle with a hedgie. even though i love her. we're waiting until we at least have a 1 bedroom apartment. and money for vet bills. because we're broke,0.6249,positive,neutral 803,depressed,Why does depression exist?,speaker,1,"From an evolutionary POV is there any purpose for it? I feel like if I understood, I could get through it. I want to outthink it. ",0.4215,positive,questioning 803,depressed,Why does depression exist?,listener_1,2,Could we out wit depression? I'm not sure. What do you think,-0.687,negative,hopeful 803,depressed,Why does depression exist?,speaker,3,I don't know either but I'd like to give it a try if I can. ,0.5023,positive,suggesting 803,depressed,Why does depression exist?,listener_1,4,do you have any thoughts yet,0.0,neutral,questioning 803,depressed,Why does depression exist?,listener_2,5,"This is not true. There are incredibly high rates of depression in small communities and remote areas, they just aren't seeking help for obvious reasons. Place like Siberia, African tribes, Greenland, and more have all been studied and people have exhibited depression in at the same rate as cities. And in America, small towns have far higher rates of suicide than large cities. In fact, the state with the highest rate of suicide is Alaska. Edit: it's actually Wyoming. But the top seven states for suicide rates are (in order) Wyoming, Alaska, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Idaho, and Oregon. And the top three states with the lowest suicide rates are (in order) New York, New Jersey, and Maryland. ",-0.9757,negative,angry 804,depressed,Irony?,speaker,1,I'm listening to the pursuit of happiness while I cut myself? Also why does cutting get easier the more you do it?,0.6322,positive,questioning 804,depressed,Irony?,listener_1,2,"As any other addiction you develop tolerance, in this case to the pain making you cut more and deeper at each session. Right now I'm pissed because I did it 30 minutes ago and I already feel nothing, disappointing. At a certain point becomes dangerous as well and that's when people get institutionalized. So stay safe please. I hope it was clear.",0.6778,positive,furious 804,depressed,Irony?,listener_2,3,Probably dopamine,0.0,neutral,suggesting 804,depressed,Irony?,listener_3,4,I think that's it.,0.0,neutral,content 805,depressed,Impulse Buying?,speaker,1,Is impulse buying when depressed a somewhat common thing? I've spent a lot of money in the past year where when I'm feeling down and I'm just locked in my room I'll open up my laptop and surf the internet and just spend hundreds and hundreds on clothes shoes and random things. When I'm feeling mildly better I'll even go out to a salon and spend hundreds at a hair salon to make myself feel better and look better. I just want some insight on this. Thanks guys!,0.8851,positive,questioning 805,depressed,Impulse Buying?,listener_1,2,"I would guess it would be to revive feelings of happiness when you were buying things previously, or perhaps buying for you is a pleasure activity, so you do it a lot to try to get that feeling.",0.8807,positive,suggesting 805,depressed,Impulse Buying?,listener_2,3,glad to know that im not the only one :),0.7184,positive,agreeing 806,depressed,"Trying to change, but it's not working for the better!",speaker,1,"So, I broke up with my now ex in January... and since then I've been distracting myself with sex... not that I've had multiple partners... just found a casual sex partner with no feelings and did it often... I thought it was making me happy, but in fact it was killing any self esteem I had... and in turn decided it was best to stop having sex and figure out what my feelings are and what's going on... well it's been a little over a month now and I don't know what a happy day looks like... I used to be happy in my job and now I dread going... I thought I was happy with my friends but instead have actually found most of my so called friends aren't actually my friends... and I find more and more that my family doesn't care enough or understand what is going on with me... I remember what it was like to be happy... and I want to go back to that... but I don't know how... I'm tired of waking up and feeling depressed about I don't even know what... I want to go back to waking up and being reminded I love my job and being ok with being alone... I used to love being alone and now I'm more depressed when I'm alone... how do I find my happiness again? It was there once upon a time...",0.9836,positive,guilty 806,depressed,"Trying to change, but it's not working for the better!",listener_1,2,"Hello, I'm sorry so you have been feeling so terrible the past few months. I want to say that you did a great thing in ending your causal sex, as it isn't an healthy coping strategy. You were right in saying it was causing more issues in your life. I understand how your past might have been happier and I believe that you felt happy then but understand that life is always about change, we grow and learn and mature everyday. Just like when you were a toddler, you might've liked to watch cartoons or played with dolls/action figures but as you grew, you started to like different things and the those toys from the your past just doesn't really give you the same sense of happiness. Same thing now, what gave you happiness no longer is and it only reflects one thing, you have matured and gained more life experiences. You perhaps are at a stage where you want things/relationships with more depth. You want your job to be more meaningful, instead of just paying the bills. What i'm trying to say that it's time to stop looking at your past and focus on your future. Your past is what it is, it will never change, but your future is still unknown and requires you to discover it. Yes, sometimes realizations can be painful, like friends are not really what true friends are supposed to be or family just doesn't care to the extent that we want them too. But when you discover new things, it also gives you an opportunity to decide to do new things. Make friends that are true friends, find people that are caring like family members, blood isn't the only thing that reflects what a family is but the quality of the relationship. You deserve so much better and you just need to allow yourself to do that, give yourself a chance to be happy at your current level of experiences and wisdom and maturity. Embrace your growth, just like all of us. When I turned 30, I had some pretty shitty realizations about my mother as well, but I worked through all the anger and pain that comes with it and after a yr, I wouldn't have changed that experience at all because I feel that my current level of awareness and happiness is so much better than the happiness that felt in my early 20s. Things get better, but it does require hard work and persistence. Learn from your past and make yourself happy. You are the sole person that can make that happen. Surround yourself with people that love you unconditionally. I don't deal with people that I find to be pretentious and such. It's not worth my time. Life isn't long enough for that, even if that means minimizing contact with certain family members. You decide what would work best for you, but the key is to move forward and not linger in your past. I wish you all the best!",0.9992,positive,sympathizing 806,depressed,"Trying to change, but it's not working for the better!",speaker,3,Thank you! That was incredibly helpful I will do my best to look forward instead of backwards!,0.8854,positive,acknowledging 807,depressed,Missed this semester for school,speaker,1,"Long story short I am in community college and there was a mix up for taking classes and I had signed up for it all. I went in not too long ago and found out I was supposed to go to University this semester because I had hit my 64 credits. It's too late to sign up for classes for Uni and the October classes are probably going to be all filled once I get my classes transfered electronically. I'm 21, already behind because I took a couple years to find myself and worked full time and now I am going to waste another half a year because I am not in school because of the screw up. If for some reason there are still openings for in person classes for October then it will be semi okay but if the classes are full then I have to wait for spring. I'm already so lonely and was looking forward to having classes to meet new people, make friends and be busy but now I am going to be lonely, depressed, and feel like I am wasting my life all through fall and winter. I feel like such a failure since I am 21 and don't have my Major and going to have to wait even longer now. What do I do? I should get a job to help pay for books but it's not going to help with me feeling depressed. All my friends are in University or have graduated, I don't have a girlfriend since my Ex broke up with me months ago. What do I do? :(",-0.9566,negative,surprised 807,depressed,Missed this semester for school,listener_1,2,"Keep trying for the University! The classes may be filled up, but people drop and change classes through the first week of school. You may not get the section you want, but you might be able to get into the class! I had to take a medical leave during a semester (therefore forfeiting all my courses that semester) due to issues with depression and felt like I was some loser who couldn't get it together. BUT getting on medication and dealt with was one of the best things I did; when I went back the following semester, since my head was screwed on right this time (well, right enough), I totally changed my major from pharmacy to business. I ended up going to grad school as well for finance. I still have depression issues and take medication, but it's under control. You are 21 years old, which makes you feel old for college, but there are a surprisingly high number of people that go to college at your age with zero credits; at the school I went to, it was actually rare to finish on time, I graduated at 22, some friends were 26. If you can't get into courses for the Fall, get a job somewhere where you won't just be behind a screen all day! I shelved books at a library for a while and got to know the regulars. Or, sign up for a workout class/anything that meets regularly with the same people each time. I never really made friends in school, but since signing up and going to the same workout studio each day, I've met a lot of people who are sort of in the same spot; we're all a little afraid to talk to each other at first, but eventually you start getting chatty with those that seem similar to yourself. If you can move to the city where the University is, do that now, start meeting people in that city that may not be in school but are around your age. I have a couple college friends, but most are/were people I've met through activities or just 'hey, I literally see you twice a week at the same events; want to grab a drink?' Best of luck, OP. I hope you get this resolved and are able to have a happy and productive Fall :)",0.9853,positive,hopeful 807,depressed,Missed this semester for school,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your reply! I will keep trying to get into this Fall, but I am prepared to not get into any since I am doing this last minute. Right now I made an agreement with my folks in bunking in their house during Community College, so I am going to have to look for a place to stay when I go to school this Spring. I am willing to drive back and forth this semester if I get any classes. I really should get a job that I am not behind a screen or doing the same monotonous thing, I really enjoy talking to people and interacting with them, I'm a real people person but if I don't get in healthy contact with people around my age I start to lose happiness for some reason. There is a YMCA around me so I'll probably try to get work there. I really appreciate your response, I am in a flunk of comparing myself to others and keep saying I am behind and they are going to be more successful quicker than me and I know that isn't healthy but I isolated in my town (There's a lot of old people where I love, retired people move in my area.) Hopefully once I get the ball rolling in Spring, have a place to stay, be in the city that the University is, I'll start to feel better, have more friends, and possibly get in relationships again since I'll be around people my age again. Then I wouldn't feel depressed, compare my life with my old friends and ex. This is just a life lesson, huh? Another thing that will make me more simpathetic to others. Thank you again, I feel better talking about this to someone who cares. :)",0.9956,positive,trusting 808,depressed,don't read this,speaker,1,"It's kinda funny cause' my mom is always asking me things like: u ok? DUDE, how in the hell are you pretending me to be OK?! Haven't you seen me crying yet? Haven't u seen my scars? My tears? Oh mom, I've got so many things to tell you that I cannot even breathe. It hurts so good to be lonely. It's like a headache that never disappears, no matter what you do, no matter where you go, or who are you with. It slowly drains the life out of you. It's sad, I have that knowledge, but whatever. This will get better. Will get better. Hopefully. peace-",0.9476,positive,lonely 808,depressed,don't read this,listener_1,2,"She wants to help, but complaining in your mind won't get you anywhere. For me, parents aren't my go to to speak to, glad you vented here",0.5647,positive,neutral 808,depressed,don't read this,speaker,3,i perfectly know that feeling,0.6908,positive,agreeing 809,depressed,hopeless,speaker,1,I cannot find a way to not being hopeless. any advices? thankssssss,0.35700000000000004,positive,questioning 809,depressed,hopeless,listener_1,2,"I would recommend on try to learn more about the root cause of your hopelessness, write them down and think about how realistic those thoughts really are and think of 3 ways that you can think differently about it or ways to overcome it. Read lots on depression and how to manage your symptoms. Be proactive about your recovery process and don't be afraid of setbacks or be patient. It took time for your hopeless attitude to set in, so it will take time for you to come out of it but it's possible. Read up on CBT activities and really practice them and do them daily. With time, you will see a difference.",-0.5023,negative,suggesting 809,depressed,hopeless,speaker,3,"i guess i'll try that out, thanks btw",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 810,depressed,Please? :/,speaker,1,"What can I do when the strongest alcohol no longer brings the slightest comfort? How did I get to this point? Why can't any of my distractions help me? Why are all these thoughts inside my head? Why can't I stop caring? Is it that time? Is this the point where suicide is the only option I have left? Is this the point where frustration is too much to cope? Do I have more or worse to come? Please help me stop this. Please kill the voices. Please stop the pain. Please make me smile, just once. I don't want to die but, I see no other way out. It hurts so much. I want to cry but I've cried so much that I can no longer get tears. That just adds to the frustration. DO I DESERVE THIS? I guess I did. That's what I get for trying to be a friend to everyone. You can't please everyone even if you forsake yourself. I guess it's best I stay away from everyone. Disappear. As if I never existed.",-0.9606,negative,devastated 810,depressed,Please? :/,listener_1,2,The drinking makes it worse. At first yeah took edge off out with a social life. Now sober just over 30 days dealing sober with my heartache and depression. It makes life better sober and I got to see who my real friends are,0.1027,positive,joyful 810,depressed,Please? :/,speaker,3,"I see what you are saying. Alcohol is the only thing I know that ever makes the pain go away, even though it's only for a little while. I'm not a social person so I don't contact friends. I feel like if I tell them my issues, I'll just be seen as a problem or a burden. So I just keep to myself when the feeling becomes overwhelming.",-0.8153,negative,lonely 810,depressed,Please? :/,speaker,4,Either way I much rather isolate myself until I learn to live with it. I usually find a way. This issue seems to have no other way and I can't run away. So I'm just here....lost.,-0.4588,negative,lonely 811,depressed,have you ever...,speaker,1,"I constantly asking myself about how would my life be without internet. How would I be able to fight against anxiety and depression then? I just cannot understand how that Works. 50 years ago, people didn't have computers, or internet, so how in the hell did they struggled with all bad feelings and thoughts? Insane. I guess we are the bad and weak generation of all time, cause' we are scared of practically EVERYTHING. It's kinda sad if you think about it hahaha, you know, being face to face with a computer (an non-live object) that makes you feel much better, it's actually insane.. My biggest fear right now to be honest with you guys is to be lonely: I hate that thinking. I mean, I'll keep trying as I've been doing since I was a child: all will get better^^. peace, Pelushii-..",-0.981,negative,nostalgic 811,depressed,have you ever...,listener_1,2,"I personally feel, that the access to Internet is a part of the emotional problem",-0.2732,negative,sad 811,depressed,have you ever...,speaker,3,i guess..,0.0,neutral,neutral 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,1,First post here. I just can't sleep. I have all the reasons in the world to be happy and yet I lay in bed every night with that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I can't even explain it to my husband because I can't explain it to myself. My head hurts from laying in the recliner all day. I don't even know why I'm writing here. I guess I just need to know others feel it too...the constant sick. ,-0.6705,negative,sad 812,depressed,All the time,listener_1,2,Must be anxiety. Feel it all the time.,-0.1779,negative,anxious 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,3,I have a hard time finding any time to do just that which is another of my problems. I don't give myself much alone time since I have a toddler. I've wanted to see a counselor for a long time.,-0.6249,negative,lonely 812,depressed,All the time,listener_2,4,"You owe it to your child to seek treatment for yourself so your kid can have a healthy mom. My mom was depressed and my dad was getting a science doctorate so I basically didn't actually have parents raising me. Now I have borderline personality disorder of which chronic depression is just a minor feature. Moreover, YOU will be able to enjoy time with your loved ones so much more, and they will enjoy time with you more as well. I recommend exercise, and I recommend DBT, which is just the most effective style of therapy I could find. A major part of DBT is learning how to put the right words to how you're feeling. There was a mother in my group who had invited a friend over for dinner. The friend flaked, and the mom was devastated but couldn't put the right words to it. ""Sad?"" She offered...the program director shook her head, and said maybe that is a secondary emotion, but what is the primary? She could not figure it out. So the program director asked: ""how do you think your daughter felt?"" Mom said right away: disappointed, probably. The program director clapped and said, ""That's how you feel!"" It blew her mind. It blew my mind. My DBT stint was 5 weeks, 3 days a week, 3 hours per day. In a lifetime, that is a tiny amount of time to consider that it could improve soooo much more of your life. It is worth just about any amount of money if you ask me. Many of these places have childcare facilities, too. Please give yourself the gift of a better chance at a satisfying life. You deserve it. ",0.9711,positive,caring 812,depressed,All the time,listener_3,5,Ask your doctor about Lexapro. 10mg could help. I take it and it rocks. No more headaches and diminished anxiety.,-0.0516,negative,acknowledging 812,depressed,All the time,listener_4,6,"I have no children yet, so I cannot speak to that, but I look to be a similar age, and work full time and go to school full time. . Plan it out, make an appointment. Trust me. Even talking about anxiety/depression to your regular doctor can help to point you in the right direction. Talking with someone and getting on anti anxiety medication has helped me enough to fall asleep at night. I used to be up late because I ""couldn't turn the thoughts off"" so to speak. ",0.5267,positive,apprehensive 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,7,I do speak with my gp but I feel like she isn't as helpful as a counselor would be. I am on Zoloft currently. We had went with that medication because I was breastfeeding at the time. Maybe it would be beneficial to switch it up?,0.6251,positive,suggesting 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,8,I didn't say this above but I am on 100mg of Zoloft. How does Lexapro compare? Edit: a word,0.0,neutral,jealous 812,depressed,All the time,listener_3,9,"TBH, I don't know. I know everyone responds differently and things work for a while then mysteriously don't work. I go to group therapy where a girl who is 23 has been through 7 different different meds in about as many years. I'm lucky, I think, to have found something that works for me. It negated my sobbing fits and has totally made my anxieties minimal. I also see a therapist one-on-one every week and do group with the same therapist once a week. That helps so much! I can't say enough about a good (and probably costly) therapist. Find the time for it. You can't afford not to in my opinion. It will pay in the form of a more present mindset for you and aid your parenting. That's me wanting to help you and not judging you if you choose not to see a therapist. You know yourself and situation. Just give yourself a lot of room for change and take care of yourself! ",0.8598,positive,trusting 812,depressed,All the time,listener_5,10,"I don't want to contradict those who've already commented since everyone's brain is different, but I tried a few SSRI's like Lexapro before switching to an SNRI that I'm on now, generic Cymbalta. Imo, they curb the lows, but don't necessarily promote or increase the highs. I don't think we've figured out neuroscience well enough to make a ""happy pill"" like most people want, but maybe that'd be too easy anyways. I have found that I do feel much better going to a counselor, though; and if you've been considering going to see once for a while, I'd bite the bullet and do it, especially if it's at least partially covered by your insurance. I deal with anxiety as well, so if I get in my head too much I get really reductive and sort of think myself into a corner of depression. Talking to a mental health professional really helps me break the cycle of negative thoughts and the loss of control that depression often brings. You may need to ""shop around"" a bit to find someone who fits/understands you, but I think in many cases it's worth it. While it may feel forced at first, having someone there to validate your thoughts and feelings and attempt to guide you to healthier thoughts and actions can really make a difference, especially if you don't have a good support system/group of people you can fall back on. It often gets very lonely and isolated being depressed, especially if you're worried your depressed thoughts will drive people away. Just my 2 cents.",-0.8919,negative,suggesting 812,depressed,All the time,listener_6,11,"Hi! I was on 100mg Zoloft for a while. I was institutionalised and they switched me to Lexapro. it's made a world of difference. my best friend went from no meds to Lexapro, and she hasn't had any issues either, and actually stoppped them about a year ago",0.7574,positive,impressed 812,depressed,All the time,listener_7,12,Currently taking Lexapro - It is a night and day difference for sure. 100% recommend! ,0.6239,positive,agreeing 812,depressed,All the time,listener_2,13,Zoloft without therapy is like a car without a steering wheel...,-0.2755,negative,sad 812,depressed,All the time,listener_8,14,"GP can prescribe and may have a pretty good understanding of them, but can't match the knowledge or skill of a psychiatrist. They would understand the nuances better. Pairing the right medication with a therapist can make all the difference in the world. ",0.7845,positive,agreeing 812,depressed,All the time,listener_4,15,"Interesting. I've been on 100mg Zoloft and have thought about either upping dosage or trying to switch, since I've been on his dose for about 4 years, and it doesn't seem to be quite as effective any longer. ",0.7251,positive,acknowledging 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,16,I really really appreciate this comment. I forget sometimes about the other people affected by whatever black cloud is hovering around me. I will most definitely make an appointment with my physician to change up the current medication because it just isn't helping anymore. More lows than highs. ,0.1982,positive,grateful 812,depressed,All the time,listener_9,17,">[**Depression, the secret we share | Andrew Solomon [29:22]**](http://youtu.be/-eBUcBfkVCo) >>""The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and it was vitality that seemed to seep away from me in that moment."" In a talk equal parts eloquent and devastating, writer Andrew Solomon takes you to the darkest corners of his mind during the years he battled depression. That led him to an eye-opening journey across the world to interview others with depression -- only to discover that, to his surprise, the more he talked, the more people wanted to tell their own stories. (Filmed at TEDxMet.) > [*^TED*](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAuUUnT6oDeKwE6v1NGQxug) ^in ^People ^& ^Blogs >*^2,379,264 ^views ^since ^Dec ^2013* [^bot ^info](/r/youtubefactsbot/wiki/index)",-0.9743,negative,disgusted 812,depressed,All the time,speaker,18,Thank you so much! I screen shot this comment because I really needed this and I know I'll definitely need this comment again some day.,0.6696,positive,grateful 812,depressed,All the time,listener_2,19,"I'd also very, very highly recommend some youtube videos walking you through what DBT, or Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, is all about and why it is shown to be more effective than most other treatments... It would include medication but also focuses on distress tolerance, effective communication, awareness/mimdfulness and self-soothing exercises. Sooo often, our depression or anxiety can self-reinforce and there is a whole lot of catching those thoughts and arguing with them, labeling emotions and asking whether they are coming from a perception of events that may be irrational (such as my old favorite: no one will ever love me -- the challenge to presuming to know the future is simple but has to be repeated: I can't foresee the future. I have to repeat that to myself. I have to catch things like feeling like someone is mad at me or distancing themselves from me with challenges like, well...I can't read minds. They could be having a bad day, etc.. It's effort more than anything else that helps. It's the belief that the effort will be worth it. It is! Typically, with antidepressants I've been on, there is a period of a few months where it seems to work. No more suicidal images in my mind, or if they do show up they don't devastate me: I acknowledge that the thought came up and jump on it with a challenge to whether it's rational or if it's my sickness poking out. Suicidal ideation is actually comforting, as is sleep, as are drugs. They're all substitutes for healthier coping mechanisms that we so often just did not learn as children. I wish you the best and I promise you medication alone is part of the treatment but is definitely not all of it. <3! Get some sun, see some green life, trees, etc. If you're anywhere near Pennsylvania, I recomme d a little road trip with the family to Longwood Gardens. It's a billion dollar garden owned and maintained by the DuPont family or something. They have a huge room full of rare orchids :)",0.9874,positive,agreeing 812,depressed,All the time,listener_10,20,"You are so very welcome. And feel free to keep my user name, friend. Anytime you need to touch base with someone who has been in the same trenches, my wife and I will be happy to listen and help. Take care!",0.9636,positive,trusting 813,depressed,Hey Guys very low self worth. need advice how to deal with a difficult job with difficult people. Becoming very depressed and it has given me low self esteem.,speaker,1,I work as a CNA. I literally have a difficult time with everyone I work with. Workers constantly belittle me. Everyone talks to you like you are very stupid and worthless. I am literally struggling with this and this is every job I go to. I'm really tired of being treated like a worthless piece of dirt!,-0.9574,negative,annoyed 813,depressed,Hey Guys very low self worth. need advice how to deal with a difficult job with difficult people. Becoming very depressed and it has given me low self esteem.,listener_1,2,"It's hard to play a different role if we are already playing one. And the longer it lasts the more we are grounded. If it repeats in our life it means the problem is inside us and not in the external world. The only way out of this is changing our mindset, our belief system, changing the role that we're playing. And for what I've realised there is no specific, step-by-step method to do that. One just has to have the image, the feeling of who he wants to be and force it with power, confidence and persistence.",0.5423,positive,impressed 813,depressed,Hey Guys very low self worth. need advice how to deal with a difficult job with difficult people. Becoming very depressed and it has given me low self esteem.,speaker,3,Yes you are right I'm going to work on it it's not always easy. ,0.0757,positive,agreeing 813,depressed,Hey Guys very low self worth. need advice how to deal with a difficult job with difficult people. Becoming very depressed and it has given me low self esteem.,listener_2,4,_Yes you are right I'm_ _Going to work on it it's_ _Not always easy._ &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ^- ^LoSho86 ------------------------------ ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^made ^^by ^^/u/Eight1911. ^^I ^^detect ^^haiku.,0.0757,positive,neutral 813,depressed,Hey Guys very low self worth. need advice how to deal with a difficult job with difficult people. Becoming very depressed and it has given me low self esteem.,speaker,5,Thanks you gave great advice!! You are right the one that is calm and level headed wins over the one that is aggressive good call!! ,0.9474,positive,agreeing 814,depressed,I used to be someone,speaker,1,"I used to be the girl with a whole squad. Everyone had everyone's back. No one was left out. We did everything, we laughed, cried, and learned together. One by one people started leaving. Whether it was conflicted romantic feelings or they simply had to move away to a new life. We all lost connection. People graduated, some just stopped communication. Now I can't seem to find any real friends. I used to be an all in type of girl. Loved with all my heart and brain. But there is a giant disconnect. Anytime i get close to anyone I get filled with doubt that they'll leave me just like everyone else. I can't commit to anything anymore. I get feelings like now that I accomplished a relationship they'll just leave. So i push them away first. I get bored of talking to them because they'll do it to me if I don't. If I ignore them, maybe they'll want to talk to me more and won't leave. I feel like no one actually cares about who I am. All people see me as is an item they can use and discard when they please. My feelings are non-existent. People used me to get off but as soon as it was over I was back to being picked on by them. Getting called ugly and stupid. But just two seconds ago my hand was bringing you pleasure that you didn't even ask me if I wanted to give you. You forced me even though I was willing. As soon as the pleasure runs out you leave me. I used to be the happy, laughing girl with a whole squad, now I'm nobody.",0.9818,positive,lonely 814,depressed,I used to be someone,listener_1,2,I totally get the feelings you're going through. I'm a guy but totally understand not feeling worth a damn. I wish I knew how to get out of it myself.,-0.4496,negative,agreeing 814,depressed,I used to be someone,speaker,3,"And the people are so oblivious to my feelings. They ask if something is wrong because of a post or picture they see that doesn't look or seem the full 100 percent.. but don't really care, it's more out of obligation because they know they probably should ask.",-0.7020000000000001,negative,annoyed 815,depressed,As if I didn't already know.,speaker,1,"My brother decided to tell me that I am an incompetent human being after forgetting a miniscule task he's asked me to do over the past week. Lately, he's not the only family member to contribute to my recent diagnosis. Where do you turn if family is the reason? This gut wrenching feeling keeps me awake at night. I dream of relapsing in self harm to relieve the pain. Any tips? Therapist can't get me in until mid Sept. ",-0.7399,negative,devastated 815,depressed,As if I didn't already know.,listener_1,2,"Try 7 Cups. It's online therapy, and you get to talk to someone almost immediately. For me, just getting it all out helps tremendously. Good luck and hang in there",0.8431,positive,wishing 815,depressed,As if I didn't already know.,speaker,3,7 cups is great for a general listener if I'm not mistaken. I've used them almost a year ago and it was decent. They didn't quite help with explaining how I feel and how to cope however. ,0.5769,positive,neutral 816,depressed,I wanted all of it to stop,speaker,1,I wanted it to stop. The judgement look everyone throws at me when i fumble and not have it all together because im picking myself up. The disgusted look from my family & wife that they have to see & deal with me while i struggle all the time with trying to be normal. The thoughts i have about how peaceful it will be if all of this ends.,-0.5719,negative,sad 816,depressed,I wanted all of it to stop,listener_1,2,"Hey Hun please do your best to gain the strength that is being pulled from you, recall being happy and go for whatever it is, do your best to succeed happiness again (not bad but- negative corrupt minded ppl don't understand lows B thankful for what you have, you'l end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have you will never have enough Happymindpeace",0.9793,positive,wishing 816,depressed,I wanted all of it to stop,speaker,3,"the problem of keeping it straight and narrow for a long time is that, once you spun out of control, you'll make up for the lost ground",-0.4767,negative,neutral 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",speaker,1,"I'm 20 years old, trying to find a job and trying to find a career path. For the past couple months, I've been depressed heavily. Not interested in anything, feeling alone, can't even find a reason to talk or say anything to anyone. All I do is sit in my room and play video games because I have no one to see. I'm stuck in this loop of, ""Wake up, get dressed, sit in a chair, play video games, then go to bed at like 3 or 4 in the morning."" I want to break my cycle and do more, but every time I try to reach out to people, they ignore me and don't seem interested. I just want people to talk to and possibly help me.",-0.4245,negative,lonely 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",listener_1,2,"Find reasons to get out more and meet people. I joined a writing group before I landed my first job. You just need to find a motivation to get out so you won't feel trapped. I know your feeling well I was the same, waking up at 12am, getting dressed to go out for a smoke, going home and watching anime, sleep at 1pm etc. If you really want to do more then do more. Go out and hand out your resumé and ask around for work (if this is what you want) or try to find people to hang out with. Btw you can dm me if you'd like to talk ",0.9242,positive,hopeful 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",speaker,3,"It's tough. Like most people say it's easier said than done. For me, it's a huge mental battle to be like, ""Let's go for a walk today."" I know what's wrong with me, but like I said it's a mental battle. I constantly tell myself that if there's no one else involved, I don't wanna do it. I try to find people to hang out with, the only people that wanna hang out are like more than an hour away and I don't even have my permit (Adopted from Russia, parents are shitters and won't pay for it). ",0.4007,positive,apprehensive 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",listener_1,4,That sucks. I have really bad anxiety and OCD so like I'm pretty much fucked but idk my situation is different in terms of bettering myself. I guess you could make online friends ,0.1448,positive,jealous 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",speaker,5,"How does that make you fucked? Anxiety I can understand, but how does OCD have any role in it? I guess but there's no solid way of talking to people on a consistent basis.",-0.6219,negative,neutral 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",listener_1,6,I basically have irrational thoughts which comes under OCD. It's really fucked up and it's messing with my head but soon I'll be back to my other home and I'll get some sort of help. ,-0.1119,negative,terrified 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",speaker,7,Thoughts such as?,0.0,neutral,questioning 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",listener_1,8,I don't want to get into detail but they're not good ,-0.4973,negative,neutral 817,depressed,"Finding a reason to be ""normal""",speaker,9,Fair enough.,0.3182,positive,content 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,1,"My name is Justin, I am 13-years-old and I think I am dieing, I do not feel my heart and I do not want to die, do you guys have any advice on this?",-0.1139,negative,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,2,Is anything killing you?,-0.6597,negative,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,3,"I do not know, to be honest, I haven't eaten anything rotten or drank anything except water for a while, I just don't feel my heart and I sometimes get dizzy",0.1862,positive,guilty 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,4,"You're only 13, so I assume you're with a guardian. Ask to go to some kind of doctor to see if you're fine. Emotionally though, any reason or, just feeling down?",0.3182,positive,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,5,"What do you mean by Emotionally though, any reason or, just feeling down?",0.128,positive,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,6,"Is anything killing you, not physically, are there people's problems or is it just like a time where you feel sad for no explainable reason? We all have our ups and downs. And really consider going to a doctor",-0.872,negative,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,7,"I have been feeling a bit depressed when I felt my heart stop but I just started feeling normally again now, this just started around 1 hour ago nothing has happened, I still don't feel my heart but I don't feel tired or depressed anymore",-0.7221,negative,sad 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,8,"I want you to stay very still. Lie down like a starfish, take as much space as you need and drop all your weight. Now fell under your jaw and around your neck for a pulse.",0.1779,positive,terrified 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,9,When I am sitting down and place my hand around my neck I feel like my neck raises every few seconds is that normal?,0.6908,positive,apprehensive 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,10,What do you mean by Now fell under your jaw and around your neck for a pulse?,0.0,neutral,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,11,"With your middle and index fingers, under your jaw and the front of your neck. That's where there are a lot of veins. Take your time",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,12,"Yes, that's blood flowing through your veins. Means your heart is pumping blood, and working great.",0.9001,positive,neutral 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,13,I placed the two fingers under my jaw and I felt it go up and down,0.0,neutral,content 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,14,What part? I'd think that's blood flowing through your veins. Your heart is pumping the blood. That's what feeling your heart would be because putting your hand on your chest has ribs in the way of you feeling your heart pulsing. Your heart works. Yay! OwO,0.9792,positive,surprised 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,15,Then why was I feeling like my heart stopped a while ago? Do you have any reason as to why that happened?,0.7691,positive,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,16,"Hey, is the left side of the neck going up and down normal?",0.0,neutral,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,17,"Well, thanks for the help. =)",0.872,positive,acknowledging 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,18,"Sorry, fell asleep. Your neck is full of veins, both sides, see a diagram",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,19,I feel my heart beating but I cant breathe fast,0.1531,positive,anxious 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,20,When you're feeling your pulse or just usually. I'll say again to go see a doctor. Why would you need to breath fast though,0.128,positive,apprehensive 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,21,And I keep not feeling my heart ,-0.5773,negative,sad 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,22,Idk but I keep on getting dizzy constantly,-0.3716,negative,neutral 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,23,"I always get dizzy and tired now, is that normal?",-0.5859,negative,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,24,"I really don't know about the doctor, if it's something major then i'll go",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,25,"It might get worse as time goes on though, and that's scary because time is already moving. I hope you have a proper sleep schedule because it might get really messed up. You say it always happens. I really don't want it to get worse as in heavier exhaustion. That's unusual and pretty major because lack of sleep has some terrible symptoms which might butterfly effect",-0.9283,negative,afraid 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,26,I usually go to sleep around 9 pm I can't really sleep properly since i keep waking up randomly ,0.0,neutral,anxious 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,27,"There's medication for that, although even medication has it's drawbacks. Here are a few tips. 1.Keep a strict sleep schedule 2.Get natural light over your day, I think a walk would help, (weather's nice here in Canada, don't know about you) 3.Take some time to relax, and breath before bed, deep breaths in and out 4.Keep something around to write your thoughts if something is bothering you 5. Less light exposure towards your sleep time 6. Excerize to help wake up 7. Be productive over your day, this can vary because you should do something you want to do,i.e.work on a hobby. I have ideas if you want to read. If you can't sleep, do something, like having a meal ",0.9201,positive,prepared 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,28,I don't feel anything anymore,0.0,neutral,sad 818,depressed,Dieing,speaker,29,What are your ideas?,0.0,neutral,questioning 818,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,30,"Take a run, even on the spot. You'll have to elaborate, but I think exercise like that would fix it",0.5023,positive,confident 819,depressed,Depression in regards to motivation,speaker,1,"I find it hard to have any motivation, since nothing is in and of itself worthwhile. How can one find motivation to do anything?",0.7003,positive,disappointed 819,depressed,Depression in regards to motivation,listener_1,2,Idk to me it never came but that's cause I don't want to change anything right now I have just accepted it but you shouldn't because you aren't content with it motivation is not something other people can find for you that's bullshit you need to find it yourself make goals if you aren't feeling it punish yourself for not following through eventually you will have the discipline to do it,0.2792,positive,neutral 819,depressed,Depression in regards to motivation,speaker,3,"You don't want to change anything, or rather you lack the motivation to do so? It becomes tricky, especially if we start questioning free will. I do agree that people aren't able to fully change us, however, I do think that they can influence us through advising us, or merely by sharing their experience, i.e., if someone's having, more or less, the same issues as we do, like depression, he/she might indicate to us what is potentially helpful in dealing with what we are currently faced with. So, if someone have dealt with the issue of there being a lack of motivation, but now he/she's motivated, then perhaps he/she can share the possible means of achieving that",0.8857,positive,apprehensive 819,depressed,Depression in regards to motivation,listener_2,4,"Try writing down a list of things you need to do, from small things such as folding clothes to longer term goals. You can even break down longer term goals into step by step. When you accomplish one thing, the satisfaction of checking it off can motivate you to tackle the next one. It's hard to feel motivated but this seems to help me. ",0.8402,positive,hopeful 820,depressed,Trying to end my current funk and deal with my anxiety and depression,speaker,1,"Recent event have triggered my SAD It has hit me a few more times this year uslly only hits me in the winter but because of issues I could focus on not pretaining to me I ""skipped it"" only to get hit with it 3 times so far, longest lasting 6 weeks I have no secerts or cures but wanted to share I have been binge watching "" You are the worst"" on HULU and the second season one of the leads deals with major depression (unmedicated) https://www.hulu.com/watch/878019",-0.9388,negative,sad 820,depressed,Trying to end my current funk and deal with my anxiety and depression,listener_1,2,I often find myself binge watching TV when I'm having a SAD and can't seem to motivate myself to do anything else...,-0.7199,negative,lonely 820,depressed,Trying to end my current funk and deal with my anxiety and depression,speaker,3,I have many unfinished minutes from last week,0.0,neutral,annoyed 821,depressed,Everyday is worse than the last,speaker,1,"I just can't seem to get out of my own head. The one person that used to be able to help me is no longer with me due mostly to the depression and I think of her every second of the day and can't stop, it's making me go to darker and darker places. I have no clue how to stop this and I'm scared of what it's gonna lead to because I'm losing strength day by day. I feel like I need to be in therapy every single day in order to deal with this.",-0.6717,negative,terrified 821,depressed,Everyday is worse than the last,listener_1,2,"If it's fine, I want you to tell me about her Also, what darker depths are you going to everyday? <3",0.2732,positive,questioning 821,depressed,Everyday is worse than the last,speaker,3,"She was the girl that taught me what love really was and was always by my side. Absolutely beautiful and funny, I considered her my best friend and she was the only person that managed to get me to share myself emotionally. I had actually bought a ring and was planning to propose this year but my depression got much worse and so she left me. Before all this happened I was depressed but never suicidal never even crossed my mind but now it has become something I can understand why people see it as the only option for relief. I find myself hoping that I get in an accident and don't make it or something would happen to me and I don't have to feel this way anymore. I still don't have the desire to harm myself but I am concerned that the desire may arise from all this. Those are the darker depths I am speaking of.",0.1094,positive,sad 821,depressed,Everyday is worse than the last,listener_1,4,How did your depression make her leave. She seems like a great person. I'm very sorry to hear that.,0.2748,positive,sympathizing 821,depressed,Everyday is worse than the last,speaker,5,I became so unhappy that it just pushed her away. I was miserable to be around and I didn't realize it until it was too late.,-0.7793,negative,sad 822,depressed,I just need a support system.,speaker,1,I'm so depressed it's effecting my body. My heart feels like it's sinking my brain feels like it's swelling so much it's filling my skull. I can't get any sleep. I've only slept about 5 hours in the past 2 days. I stopped taking my medication because it makes me gain weight and when I stop taking it my appetite goes down. And I want to be beautiful I want to be skinny so I don't take it. I have had my bad days since I stopped but it's been 3 days in a row now. I really don't want to start again. I just wish I had someone to talk to so I didn't feel so alone and empty inside. Because I have so much going on that I can't talk to my boyfriend about because it will just start a fight and he's all I have right now. ,-0.5599,negative,sad 822,depressed,I just need a support system.,listener_1,2,"Hey, im here for you if you need to talk. What things can you not tell your bf about? Why would he get mad about them?",-0.5514,negative,questioning 822,depressed,I just need a support system.,speaker,3,It's not really get mad or anything it's just sometimes I over think things he does and instead of talking it out to someone or over to myself I just tell him how I feel. And he's moving soon so we are about to go long distance so we are both scared and stressed about it so that causes little things to blow up. I just don't want to cause any more trouble between us before he goes. And sometimes I need to talk about things he does that aren't bad but they make me feel petty. So I don't want to tell him and start anything,-0.5919,negative,ashamed 823,depressed,"feeling very overwhelmed about life, no idea what to do",speaker,1,"i dont know where to begin. i have the most amazing gf ever, i finally understand what some people say when they refer to their partner as their best friend-but our relationship is mostly secret. i used to be engaged to her sister, and one thing led to another, and now we've been dating for 6 months. I quit my old job about 10 months in because i was tired of working behind a desk, and tried being a car salesman. i failed miserably 2 weeks in. i got hired at my current job almost right away, but couldnt start for a month for training. i just got out of training a few days ago (9 week training) and i feel so out of my element. its a customer service based position with a nice hourly pay, but infind that i can barely afford all of my essential bills amd its stressing me out. add in the fact that people tend to be twats on the phone and i get flustered and ""stuck"" just staring at my screen, and i feel like im in the wrong line of work. this morning after my first call i realized something: i hate people. i hate feeling like im obligated to kiss someones ass over the phone just because theyre a customer, i want to feel like i can give them attitude right back, but i cant because i need this stupid job. my credit is horrible, im stuck on a car loan paying more than i cam afdord til im 31/32 (il be 26 in a few weeks) and ultimately i feel like a failure in life. i cant even talk to my gf about this, because then she blames herself and feels like shes the rrason im stuck in this mess when its my faukt in the first place. idk what to do anymore. this daily grind just doesnt feel right to me, but idk what else to do with myself.",-0.9849,negative,faithful 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),speaker,1,I feel like I have no idea what to do and nowhere to go and it just feels like I can't do anything. I'm in the middle of trying to get over an ex who I genuinely thought that I could spend my life with. We still see each other and talk and I tried blocking her out for a while but all I could do is think about her. Most nights I don't have the drive to do anything past sit in my room and wonder what I'm doing. I don't feel like anything and I didn't know what else to do that go to the internet because it somehow helps that anonymous faces that I'll never meet know my problems rather than forcing my issues on the people I know... ,-0.4049,negative,lonely 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),listener_1,2,Yeah. It sucks and it burns. And sometimes it feels like everything is infected and broken with it. I'm going through something similar. I'm sure feeling the shit of it right now. I'm sorry you are too.,-0.7351,negative,acknowledging 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),speaker,3,I can't talk to anyone,0.0,neutral,lonely 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),listener_2,4,A professional is exactly that. They are trained to listen to you. You're not unloading your problems on them. There's also an 1800 number you can call and talk to someone over the phone. Is there another reason why you can't talk to anyone? ,0.3732,positive,questioning 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),speaker,5,I can I just really don't think I can. I'm in the UK so I don't think that's the number,0.0772,positive,apprehensive 824,depressed,No idea what to title (sorry),listener_2,6,"What about this? Look at any of the organizations and try calling. Remember, they're strangers over the phone, someone to listen to you. That's the most important thing to keep in mind. http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Getting-help.aspx",0.2716,positive,apprehensive 825,depressed,Living with my parents is making me want to kill myself.,speaker,1,Nothing in my life is going the way I want it to. I want to kill myself. I wish I were dead. ,-0.7717,negative,sad 825,depressed,Living with my parents is making me want to kill myself.,listener_1,2,Same. That's why I left 8 years ago. I'm mentally healthier now- it's hard living under a cloud of shit. I hope you can get away. ,-0.2732,negative,faithful 825,depressed,Living with my parents is making me want to kill myself.,listener_2,3,"Yes, me too! And as soon as you're gone, you will start feeling better and better cause you're free from them. Keep it up! :)",0.9421,positive,agreeing 825,depressed,Living with my parents is making me want to kill myself.,listener_1,4,"My parents thought I'd go ""CRAZY!"" because I was out from under their extremely restrictive rules. Ha ha- ended my first semesters on the Dean's list and President's list taking 24 credit hours. The freedom from the constant ""you're shit, you're worthless...."" priceless. I wish I could have experienced it in middle and high school.",0.4258,positive,joyful 826,depressed,Just want to feel wanted,speaker,1,Just want to feel wanted,0.0772,positive,jealous 826,depressed,Just want to feel wanted,speaker,2,I think my wife doesn't want anything to do with me....I don't understand why,-0.0572,negative,lonely 826,depressed,Just want to feel wanted,listener_1,3,It's hard and try to do couples therapy. ,-0.1027,negative,neutral 826,depressed,Just want to feel wanted,listener_2,4,"Have you tried talking to her about this? I know it's tough if it seems like she doesn't want to talk to you, but once you understand what's going on, it's a bit easier to fix",0.6235,positive,questioning 827,depressed,Complicated emotions,speaker,1,"Lately I've been having trouble dealing with my emotions properly. I used to be able to cry and it'd feel like I was letting loose some burden, but now I can't even cry anymore. I'm constantly stressed and miserable instead of sad, and I can never be happy with myself. I also feel like I'm never wanted, and I can't find myself enjoying the independence of being single like many others seem to do sometimes. I'm not sure how to deal with these emotions because they're extremely overwhelming and I can't understand them. If you have any advice I'd be relieved to hear them.",-0.9213,negative,sad 827,depressed,Complicated emotions,listener_1,2,If you have no personal relationships in your life currently be extremely receptive to potential ones no matter how far fetched they seem to be. That shouldn't suggest that you fall in with a bad crowd or something like that but if anyone at all reaches out to you positively take the extra effort to really show appreciation and maybe ask them to hang out and do something mutually entertaining. Doesn't have to be a member of the other sex either. If you are able try to find a hobby that you enjoy doing. Preferably one that requires you to leave the house. It can be exercising at the gym or a sport on a team. If you prefer other activities try to find a group that meets for whatever activity sounds interesting and start from there. Yes this will be awkward and yes it is difficult but the alternative is loneliness and this constant feeling of not achieving anything. In time you will feel much more natural and over a long enough period you will become personable and people will actively seek YOU out and you'll be too busy to hang out with everyone!,0.9827,positive,suggesting 827,depressed,Complicated emotions,speaker,3,Thanks for the advice. I've been working on this but I didn't realize I should probably build relationships with the people that show me positive attention already. I appreciate you going out of your way to help me on this.,0.9319,positive,grateful 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,1,Hi guys I thought before posting this and I found myself with a situation that I can't really solve I don't have any friends may sound odd but I know a lot of people but I feel like I've been used and discarded them used again whenever they run into problems they run to me even if they know they hardly ask about me and how am doing all that seems to matter to them is how can They profit from me and since I considered these people to be friends I thought they had my back but then I realized they talked badly about me and thought highly of me in front of other but behind close door they would get together and have fun shit talking about me and have the nerve to ask me for help I didn't know if they were genuine people or not maybe they had their reasons but I really need a genuine friend who i can talk to freely without being afraid of them judging me. If such person exists it would be great. ,0.9491,positive,lonely 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,listener_1,2,"Pm me anytime, always looking for a friend :) ",0.7351,positive,acknowledging 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,3,Thank you I will,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,4,You know i never imagined i would get a responses thank you for the offer I will,0.3612,positive,grateful 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,listener_2,5,"_If I can help by_ _Listening when you need to vent,_ _PM away mate._ &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ^- ^cwacked ------------------------------ ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^made ^^by ^^/u/Eight1911. ^^I ^^detect ^^haiku.",0.4019,positive,neutral 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,6,Thanks i really appreciate it. ,0.7089,positive,sympathizing 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,7,Hi Alex I am sorry you been going through that it's hard to find real people these days. But feel free to pm me when ever you feel like you need a friend even though I don't know you that well i will try my best to be there and help you out. ,0.9768,positive,sympathizing 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,8,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 828,depressed,I need your help i am a 21 year old dude who needs a genuine friend,speaker,9,Thanks mate ,0.4404,positive,wishing 829,depressed,The weight of the world,speaker,1,"The odds of me (or you, or anyone) existing are so unimaginably slim. I feel the pressure of it every day. I should feel lucky but it's hard not to take it for granted, since it DID happen. I didn't ask to be born, and if I did, I don't remember it! I'm also battling millions of years of evolution by not wanting children. What is the point? I know that I'm loved but I don't FEEL it. I'm not suicidal, but I'm not happy. Maybe I never will be. I'm only staying alive to find out......",0.888,positive,sad 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,1,"About two months ago I moved to a new state, started a new job, and got married all around the same period of time. It was really hard for me to adjust, and I added three medications to my typical antidepressant regiment. I've never felt so defeated in my life. This will sound completely cliche, but I'm going to say it anyways. I watched some Netflix documentary when I first moved and was in the depths of depression about people who picked up running to manage weight/obesity, anxiety, depression etc. and I was inspired. Whatever insanity that remained within my psyche pushed me to start running 3 times a week for just a few minutes at a time. Each run sucked beyond almost all recognition, but I kept pushing because everyone says that the first mile is the hardest. A couple of weeks ago, I broke through the ""wall"" and finally ran a mile without stopping, barfing, or laying in a stranger's driveway afterwards. It was a fucking victory. I started using that experience to manage my perspective of dealing with depression and anxiety daily. Starting mindful habits is always hellacious, but it always helps later on. I'm writing to share with you that since I've started running, I only take one medication, purchased real running shoes, and today I just ran two miles straight for the first time in my entire life. What's ironic is that today was a particularly challenging day for me. Work has been slow, so I've been spending a lot of time at home alone during the day. My negative thoughts were wrecking my self esteem today to say at the least. I spent most of the day working myself up to go for a run (VERY begrudgingly), and battled with myself during the entire run. But I fucking did it, and for the rest of the day I can hang my hat up knowing that I battled myself and fucking won. ",-0.9846,negative,sad 830,depressed,Breaking through,listener_1,2,"This is amazing, Having that determination is so difficult and such a rare quality you should be so impressed with yourself. I'm desperately hoping I can do the same! ",0.8477,positive,impressed 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,3,Thank you so much. What are you trying to focus on? I think picking something outside of myself is so helpful. ,0.7283,positive,questioning 830,depressed,Breaking through,listener_1,4,"I have no idea! Maybe I should start running again too, might give me some zen time :)",0.2714,positive,suggesting 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,5,Can't hurt. I did yoga and Headspace for a while when I just didn't have the energy to move a lot. I found both to be very calming and centering as well. Post your progress!,0.8461,positive,neutral 830,depressed,Breaking through,listener_1,6,I've moved in with a friend in a beautiful flat with a doggy and have ended my 3 year relationship in a really positive way. No yoga as of yet just pyjamas and films in the evening with my friend and I am so so so much happier! ,0.9514,positive,content 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,7,I'm so glad to hear that! All steps forward. Keep up the great work ,0.8264,positive,wishing 830,depressed,Breaking through,listener_1,8,How’s your running going ??,0.0,neutral,questioning 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,9,"I'm so glad you asked because I ran my first 5k today, and it was raining the entire time. Whoop whoop!",0.5551,positive,grateful 830,depressed,Breaking through,listener_1,10,Yaaaaay go you! 5k is not bloody easy especially in the pouring rain. I bet you feel amazing (and knackered) now !!,0.6884,positive,encouraging 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,11,I felt the entire run was a celebration! The funny thing too is that I've had a couple of particularly challenging weeks with anxiety/depression. I needed the confidence boost. ,0.8775,positive,proud 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,12,So so. I lost my job last week so that sucks. But I’m confident that I’ll find something else soon. How about you?,0.3877,positive,hopeful 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,13,"I’ve actually had a few opportunities, and am stoked about one in particular. I have a second interview later this week. How’ve been doing?",0.3818,positive,excited 830,depressed,Breaking through,speaker,14,I think it went well but I haven’t heard anything yet. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling lately. I love your positive insight though because you’re right that it will pass soon. It always does :),0.9201,positive,sympathizing 831,depressed,Lately...,speaker,1,"Im 18. Friends are non-existent to me. I live with my dad who i rarely socialize with. Just moved to a large city. Bored, depressed, frustrated, and hopeless. I like nerdy stuff like coding and engineering. I love nature. I was supposed to be in college now to get a Computer Engineering degree but i cant afford it. I'm confused about what to do with my life now. I'm fearful of being homeless again. Idk how long i can exist at my dads before friction arises. I'm depressed that i have no one to speak to. No one to relate to. I know no one. I have very little freedom. Failed my vision test on my drivers test but glasses wont help so i wont be getting a license. That means my passion for exploring will be broken. I do have a longboard though. My calves are hecka huge from riding many miles a day on it. Its starting to be a hassle to get around nowadays with the unfair weather. I question everything, including the existence of god. I'm very confused. I'm depressed because I'm without a job in a city where i know no one, where my freedom is also limited. Many things can trigger my suicidal thoughts. Ive been having terrible insomnia lately too. Though I haven't been considered unattractive, the fact that ive been so different in high school kinda turned off the girls. For example, I don't listen to the music everyone else is listening to. I am myself. Everyone was interested in alcohol, sex, parties and drugs, while i was at home fixing bugs in my program. I never watched t.v. I don't pay too much attention to my attire. I care less about paying for expensive things like Jewellery and clothing. Basically i was that nerd/athlete/hippy that no one spoke to I was really soft spoken so i rarely spoke because not many people would hear me if i did. I think about the universe alot. I think to myself all the time that ""I'm fucked. I'm on this planet where I have no choice whether or not to exist comfortably. I think that death is the only way out , but then i doubt that because i fear the unknown on the otherside. I know I can't be alone but i just need verification. I always dreamed of having really good friends to share hope that makes this black hole called life a little better. I just want to be free. ",-0.9614,negative,lonely 831,depressed,Lately...,listener_1,2,"Hey man. I hope you feel better soon. Being 18 sucks, and I think you would be surprised how many of your peers feel the same way you do. Some people are better at hiding it than others, but everybody feels alone and everybody feels different at that age. The truth about friends is that they will come and go throughout life. I have no data to back this up, but from my own observations, most people don't meet their best friends until they're well into their twenties. I think there is a very good chance that you will find your friends soon. My best advice to you is to try and fix your insomnia. Lack of sleep stops your brain working properly, and it perpetuates depression. Is there anything you can fix about your routine that could improve your sleep pattern?",0.967,positive,lonely 831,depressed,Lately...,speaker,3,Thanks. I'm trying to get into lucid dreaming to help me enjoy sleep and make me want it more.,0.8442,positive,grateful 831,depressed,Lately...,speaker,4,Thanks so much. ,0.4404,positive,wishing 832,depressed,In need of advice - Boyfriend who's depressed,speaker,1,"I am in desperate need of some advice. I am having a hard time dealing with depression. Ive suffered from depression before, but this time its not me I'm having a hard time dealing with, its my depressed boyfriend. We got together when I was depressed (after knowing each other for a long time beforehand), and he knew the ropes, so he kind of became my knight in shining armor. Showed me love, compassion, acceptance. Encouraged me to go on a vipassana retreat with him to learn meditation tips. Everything was great, and then he went off to Uni and everything's become increasingly difficult. I cant comfort him, when I write to him, whatever I say becomes a trigger for negative thought patterns. I cant try and motivate him, because it ends up being pushy. I cant remind him of implementing the coping mechanisms he taught me, because he knows all this already, and I remind him he doesnt remember well or he cant practice what he preaches. He doesn't have the strength to summon any will power to form habits or make good choices. Ive tried telling him it doesn't matter, just accept the situation anyway, I mean what does it matter he has me anyway. But that doesn't help either. He showed me life was worth living when he was in it, but it does not feel like the feeling is mutual, even though hes told me many times I make it better and I'm the only one he wants. I get heart broken when I'm ignored (even though I know its because you just cant function you're too in your head, or you need to shut out the world), it sends me into my own negative thought patterns. My own anxiety starts to creep back in. I send him gifts, let him know hes thought about. Nothing is seeming to work and I only want to try and make him feel better and I'm failing miserably and dragging myself down in the process. I don't know what to do. TL;DR Boyfriend is depressed, need tips & advice for making him feel better without triggering him or myself",-0.9638,negative,trusting 832,depressed,In need of advice - Boyfriend who's depressed,listener_1,2,Hmm how far is home boi? You say uni but is this another state or what? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 832,depressed,In need of advice - Boyfriend who's depressed,speaker,3,Another country! :( he's in Norway I'm in the U.K. ,-0.4926,negative,annoyed 833,depressed,Depressed and homesick in a new state and town. Should I stick it out? Should I move back? I feel trapped.,speaker,1,"A little bit of a back story: I've been playing music with my friend for about 2 1/2 years now, and we were gigging and recording in the pacific northwest. He moved back down to southern california this spring, and I felt kind of obliged to eventually move down too since we recorded all this music and never put it out, and we would always receive positive feedback whenever we played live, so why not continue it in LA? Now I've been down here for almost three weeks living in a different friends parents house, who happens to live down here as well. It's been sort of ok living here, I mean I generally get along with everyone in the house.. but I am so out of my element and I've been really depressed and down more often than not. Could it just be homesickness? I don't know, this is the first time I've ever moved in 21 years of age. If I move back home, I'll have to go back to college since I only went for a semester, and I don't even know what I'd study. I like helping people but sometimes I feel like I can't do anything. And I would've (in my mind) wasted the last few years putting all my time into this music which went nowhere. Plus on top of all that I would look like a little bitch moving back home after a month. I also feel like the mediator between the bass and guitar player. I'm more neutral and they're constantly arguing. And I'm 6 years younger than both of them. I love playing music but in my mind it doesn't seem like it would pay the bills at this point. TL:DR: I moved 1000 miles away from home 3 weeks ago to play music with my buddy, but am having second thoughts on music as a career + I am homesick and pretty depressed. But if I move back, I'll look like a little bitch having only made it 3 weeks and I'll have to go back to school and not know what to study. I feel trapped. Please help. Thank you",0.7311,positive,faithful 833,depressed,Depressed and homesick in a new state and town. Should I stick it out? Should I move back? I feel trapped.,listener_1,2,Stick it out.. use Skype or something like that. ,0.3612,positive,consoling 833,depressed,Depressed and homesick in a new state and town. Should I stick it out? Should I move back? I feel trapped.,speaker,3,"haha thank you, I'll try man. Good lord, my text formatting looks like shit on mobile. I apologize if you read this on mobile ",0.7717,positive,sympathizing 833,depressed,Depressed and homesick in a new state and town. Should I stick it out? Should I move back? I feel trapped.,listener_1,4,"Looks fine to me. I'm depressed and I live in my hometown lol, so it can go both ways. I wish I had done something like this when I was younger. ",0.6705,positive,content 833,depressed,Depressed and homesick in a new state and town. Should I stick it out? Should I move back? I feel trapped.,speaker,5,thank you :) appreciate your words,0.802,positive,sympathizing 834,depressed,No one knows what to do,speaker,1,"In coming rant, tl;dr I'm sick of people assuming I have periods where I'm okay. I spent years secretly suffering through intense depression and anxiety and then after things go too bad to hide I made the effort to be more open (people always say I'm here for you, just reach out if you need right?) but it hasn't changed anything, I just get a stream of generic suggestions to do things that don't work for me and then we never talk about it again until I make some public announcement that hey, I'm doing terribly and everyone acts like I was fine where in reality is never felt better to begin with, they just stopped paying attention. My problems don't stop because you stopped talking to me about them, I just end up feeling more isolated than when I didn't tell anyone to begin with. I just want to sleep ",-0.9596,negative,annoyed 834,depressed,No one knows what to do,speaker,2,Icing on the cake is I spend the majority of my days talking other people through their stuff and checking in meanwhile I'm losing time and have barely left bed in over a week,-0.3818,negative,ashamed 834,depressed,No one knows what to do,speaker,3,Are you following me or someone I know in real life? You've interacted with me a couple of times through very different avenues now ,0.0,neutral,questioning 834,depressed,No one knows what to do,listener_1,4,"I have you tagged on RES to see your posts easier and to know who to reach out to, like I have done with others, but I am not actively following you. I don't know you in real life.",0.0662,positive,trusting 834,depressed,No one knows what to do,speaker,5,"Sorry, I just have had some people secretly follow my posts in the past that knew me in real life and shared some personal stuff without my consent so I get a bit cagey when unfamiliar names crop up in more than one place",0.1114,positive,sympathizing 835,depressed,advice,speaker,1,"i hope this shit works, first time trying to post on reddit heres the deal, im 15, turning 16 soon. diagnosed with bipolar 2 and ocd for the past year or so my life has just turned upside down, finding no reason to live and everything is just gray and boring to me.. im heavily socially anxious and when im with my ""friends"" it just doesnt seem like they are having any fun or just wanting to be with me. during the summer ive turned pretty heavily into drugs, i get around $75 (700 sek) a month from my parents and i usually spend that on 10gs of weed, some pregabalin capsules, opiods or vodka to stay afloat i live in a small city and my reputation is pretty tainted.. people are surprised when i actually show up to school and they keep asking how i am doing and shit like that... even my teachers do it i dont know what the fuck to do and im lost please help me",0.4291,positive,lonely 835,depressed,advice,listener_1,2,"I've been working day and night grinding out the true ways to alter my depression (i.e state of mind aka will to live). And it boggles me why it's not something easily fixed. The truth is all this negative outlook and perception of life comes from what you manifest in your head based off everything you learned in life. I know that sounds silly but it's honestly 100% true. If you have only been challenged, pushed down and degraded in life life doesn't look to pretty. So we assume that's all life is. Trick is, it isnt. I've heard a few simple things for us people who are on their last shred of reality. Connection with spirituality (do heavy research on why we need religion as a species) Connection with art (something with your hands) it's a safe reality you have control of and you can connect and grow from it alone. Connection with others (literal cure for depression if it's genuine support) and if you don't have friends now putting yourself in a place to meet different ones helps a bit. Connection with your body (not drugging yourself) If all three aren't there and you are prone to melancholy you are fucked. It leaves you with only your mind. We like to think we are happy people but nature needs us to be afraid in order to change and interact with the world. If everything is stagnant in the world nothing happens (but that's all I want to do) And most importantly, our goal in life is to exchange between each other (words, thoughts, ideas, emotions) And if you don't have anyone to receive those things from, do it yourself! Go and share what you've learned in this world, how you survived and help others who need it to. ",0.8721,positive,disappointed 835,depressed,advice,speaker,3,"thank you, honestly really powerful message i appreciate that but its not just that, i really dont have ANY enjoyment at all... i cant walk for more than 5 minutes without just having to lay down because everything is so shit and exhausting. just sitting in class is literally torture for me its too much",-0.949,negative,acknowledging 836,depressed,"Life's not on my side, or maybe im not cut out for it",speaker,1,"Hi redditors, I'm a frequent visitor to this site, first time posting though because I just want opinions/help. I think I'm depressed, warning this post is going to be long, so thereare many things that contributed to me feeling this way, I'm left with no motivation at all although there's so many things I wish I could do and want to do in this life. I was born out of in vitro fertilization because my ""father"" is infertile, I feel like I just inherited the worst genes ever, I was born with minor defects, I was born with a mole on my face, right next to my mouth, the type that grows as you grow, I had it removed at age 13 and I'm now left with a scar on my mouth which impacts my appearance and makes me feel insecure, I'm skinny and weak built, I'm not well endowed down there so there'snot much compensation, funny thing is my uncle's from my mother's side are all well built and tall, which I wish I was, I've had a girldirends before though, the first girl I really liked left me for another guy, she dumped me in church, she was the one that got me into all the fundamentalist Christian crap, I'm atheist now, secondly I'm born in a very religious country, South Africa, hard, very hard to find a girl who doesn't have a problem with atheists. Another thing I hate is being born here, already born with crap genes now I'm born in a country that doesn't have a certain future, I'm not black or white, I'm from the mixed population that has been forgotten by the government. Now let's go to my capabilities, I'm not good in any sport, my hand eye coordination is not good, I wish I was good in track and field, I can't commit to anything as well, it seems as if everything I become interested in in my life is just a phase, I messed up in high school and my points I got won't allow me into college... I'm lazy, or maybe I just suck, not sure, maybe Im just complaining but I feel the only thing that will compensate for my shortcomings is wealth.. how do I do this without college and luck, I feel very unlucky, I dropped out of IT school because the math was too hard, I'm not good with math, I have student debt now with debt collectors calling me all the time, I went to a community college to study travel and tourism, messed up there to, dropped out, I'm at home now, sulking everyday, pathetic I know, I'm lazy to get up and look for a mind wage job, I'm not even good in working, I often lag behind and get told to speed up, I went for an interview to become a rep for a company, been a month have not gotten a call back, my eyes are weak too lol, wear glasses, now I sit at home and think about the great childhood I had and I end up crying, by the way my ""father"" and mother got divorced, I feel like I'm just not cut out for life, I feel like I should not have been born in the first place, I feel cursed, anyone relate? I feel like I just need to be rich to atleast compensate for me being a talentless bum, by the way I'm an introvert, I can talk to people if I want to though, feel free to ask questions. TLDR: I'm not cut out for this but I'm too scared to end it because anything can happen and change my life for the better.",-0.9604,negative,disappointed 837,depressed,Someone shed light on the dark for me.,speaker,1,All my life Ive felt a low amount of value for myself. Its hard for me nowadays to move past my depression because sometimes Ill be enjoying life/my existence only to be completely shot down by someone who makes me feel like Im doing everything wrong. I just wanna be normal and truly loved. So many times have I felt like a burden/pest to people. All around I feel super low in my life. I just wish people could enjoy who I am without me needing to feel guarded so that I never get hurt by them. Love is the healing component but I dont feel like I receive it from anyone. Nobody makes me feel special or like someone with feelings. I wish I could just end it because I keep on trying to be like everyone else and feel normal but it never works. Nobody sees me as special or worth their time. Ive been so lonely my whole life literally the only person that loves me in my life is my mom. I feel like I would do anything for anyone but nobody is willing to do the same for me.,0.9847,positive,sad 837,depressed,Someone shed light on the dark for me.,listener_1,2,When I was where you are now I concentrated on improving myself. You need to like yourself. Accomplish something difficult and that is something nobody can take away from you. This will take time and discipline but it will be worth the effort. I know that while suffering with depression this is really difficult but it does make life better. There is no such thing as a normal person. Everyone is fighting their own demons. If you want to feel special then make other people feel special. Eventually someone will reciprocate. Good luck. Keep up the fight. ,0.0414,neutral,proud 837,depressed,Someone shed light on the dark for me.,speaker,3,Thanks for the words man I appreciate it,0.6808,positive,grateful 838,depressed,My husbands psychologist,speaker,1,"My husband started seeing his family psychologist again after 10 years, and she has canceled on him twice he has been really depressed and he has been needing to talk to her. It's just one excuse after the other with her and apparently she has been his families psychologist for a while. But my husband's brother killed himself and his sister is in an abusive relationship and I feel like she is not working out for his family. Her advice to him one time was go outside and take a deep breath. Really?!?This lady is costing us $80 an hour what do I do",-0.9274,negative,disappointed 838,depressed,My husbands psychologist,listener_1,2,Get a new psychologist? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 838,depressed,My husbands psychologist,speaker,3,He only trusts her because she's known him for a long while. But he doesn't snt realize that she isn't helping him ,-0.0726,negative,trusting 838,depressed,My husbands psychologist,listener_2,4,I know it might be difficult but you might need to convince him other wise mental health is important and if his psychologist continues to cancel it's just gonna get worse for him ,0.1154,positive,suggesting 839,depressed,That feeling of having nobody like you're alone in the world ... Please anybody,speaker,1,"I'm on the verge of just going away forever, got in a pretty heated argument with gf, now she's gone forever, she'll go on being happy and I'll just be here waiting to just go away. I don't have many friends so if there is anybody out there that shine some light that would be greatly appreciated because I've tried suicide once before, and it wasn't pleasant ",-0.1933,negative,lonely 839,depressed,That feeling of having nobody like you're alone in the world ... Please anybody,listener_1,2,._. *Pats OP* What are your hobbies and interests?,0.25,positive,questioning 839,depressed,That feeling of having nobody like you're alone in the world ... Please anybody,listener_2,3,Good for you. I'm sure Your comment isn't helping OP. This isn't about you. You need to go read up on human nature if you really can't understand how someone can feel upset about being alone. ,-0.0742,negative,acknowledging 840,depressed,I suck at life,speaker,1,Literally. I can't be any worse than i am. i am the most talentless in my family. i lose at everything. just now i keep losing at this video game even though i play it relentlessly. i put in many hours and still i don't get any better. same goes with most things. im a slow learner. im kinda ugly. i have a slight stutter. skin problems galore. i have anger problems and depression problems. addicted to masterbating. i have NO TALENT. i dont see a reason to keep going on. it gets easier and easier the longer i live to consider suicide.,-0.9804,negative,ashamed 840,depressed,I suck at life,listener_1,2,"Sometimes I feel the same way man. Come from a family of over achiever and I feel like the dud, always mediocre or bad at everything I do. I used to get really down about it until I realised that so many people have it so much worse than me, and probably you. Just keep moving forward and try your best, don't dwell on these things too much",-0.3712,negative,jealous 840,depressed,I suck at life,speaker,3,I keep trying to tell myself to move forward but I keep making mistakes. I hate it. It's like in the Bible when Paul says he does the things he hates and doesn't do the things he loves. I feel hated by god. ,-0.8402,negative,ashamed 840,depressed,I suck at life,speaker,4,We should be friends and be depressed together. Lol,0.3818,positive,acknowledging 840,depressed,I suck at life,listener_2,5,"Yessss. It's nice to not be alone. If you want, you can PM me and we can talk :)",0.7808,positive,acknowledging 840,depressed,I suck at life,speaker,6,I'm sorry to hear that man. That sounds horrible. No one deserves to be treated that way and I hate that anyone does. ,-0.8658,negative,sympathizing 840,depressed,I suck at life,listener_3,7,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 841,depressed,Tired.,speaker,1,"I am 23 and have been extremely tired lately, Tired, with just life I have a pretty good job for my age for not attending school. I have been feeling this way for a few months now but can not really hide it anymore. I moved away from my childhood home and that really hit me hard. My mother sisters and I have not been getting along because the house it much smaller then my old house. I thought it would help seeing my friends last night to get a drink its been a few months since I have seen them but it just did not feel the same. I have had problems with sever depression in the past and horrible anxiety. Each day is getting harder and harder. My new house has a garage and I wanna just pull my car in or leave the lawn mower on stay inside and go to sleep one of these days.",-0.8304,negative,lonely 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_1,2,"It gets better I promise, please try to believe in yourself! If you need anyone to talk to please don't hesitate to message me!",0.8806,positive,consoling 841,depressed,Tired.,speaker,3,ty,0.3818,positive,neutral 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_2,4,"> It gets better I promise You've clearly never had depression. This, along with telling someone it's all in their head, is the worst thing you can possible say to someone with depression. Please learn more about it before you cause damage. ",0.0511,positive,agreeing 841,depressed,Tired.,speaker,5,I was diagnosed back in 2013 and took pristiq maybe i should go back on it.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 841,depressed,Tired.,speaker,6,It comes and goes. Seasonal affective disorder hits me hard. Im seeing my therapist tomorrow tho.,-0.4767,negative,hopeful 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_2,7,"glad to hear that. Even if it comes and goes, like bronchitis, you treat it each time it appears. Of course there are others like me who always need to be medicated, but there is no sense in falling apart when you know what has helped you get better in the past. Going forward, when you see a therapist, also talk about what warning signs you notice when depression is first setting in. Then have a plan in place to act on it immediately- appointment with your therapist, appointment with the psych for meds prescription, clear out unnecessary things on your calendar if you know those events may be too much for you to handle, etc. The longer you wait to treat, the harder it is to get under control and improve. ",0.7992,positive,acknowledging 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_3,8,Good for you! Right step.,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 841,depressed,Tired.,speaker,9,Thank you I really appreciate it from you all. So To keep you guys updated if you're interested I went to my therapist yesterday and I went back on my anti depressants pristq to be exact 25mg I'm going to pick it up at the pharmacy after work. ,0.5095,positive,prepared 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_2,10,You are taking the exact steps you need. I wish you the best of luck. ,0.872,positive,wishing 841,depressed,Tired.,listener_4,11,_You are taking the_ _Exact steps you need. I wish_ _You the best of luck._ &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ^- ^undercurrents ------------------------------ ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^made ^^by ^^/u/Eight1911. ^^I ^^detect ^^haiku.,0.872,positive,wishing 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,speaker,1,"So here I am, all upset again because of the serious rejection I got... I met a guy on a dating website, we started talking and eventually met up in person. He told me all he was looking for was friends, and I was fine with that because if all he wanted was friends then I didn't have to worry about him getting a girlfriend to cut me out of his life. So I moved on from that and we started hanging out... a lot! The last two months we've spent almost every weekend together (he stays at my place, shares my bed) plus two to three times a week after we are done work. He's been getting comfortable around me, so much so that he walks around my place in just his underwear, or even just a towel. He has no problem showing everything to me. But most recently he's been telling me he wants to find a girlfriend or at the very least someone to sleep with. I like him, and when he's been saying that stuff I've been hinting at me being available. Well yesterday I told him that I liked him. He immediately told me that I shouldn't like him because he's a bad guy (based on his history) and that I'm too goody goody for him. He later said that he only likes me as a friend. So all day today I have been trying to figure out what I want to do... except for all I can think about is how often this kind of rejection happens... I'm always the goody two shoes, always the one who gets rejected because they don't want to 'damage' the good in me... and because of that I have strong self loathing. I hate myself so much that all I want to do is damage myself... get wasted and do something stupid or do drugs and fuck my life up just so I'm not so goody goody. I'm just so broken!",-0.9699,negative,devastated 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,listener_1,2,Maybe the question is why is it okay for this guy to treat you like this? Maybe he feels you are better than he is and has his own self loathing. I wouldn't accept just being available as okay. If he doesn't want a relationship with you he owes you a better answer and if you want one with him I think it needs to be binary. Either he is with you and all is good or he quits coming over to use your place as a crash pad and you as a substitute girlfriend. Remember you deserve better and shouldn't settle for less. Good luck.,0.9374,positive,suggesting 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,speaker,3,Your right! I don't deserve to be treated the way he's treating me... I deserve to be happy with or without him... and I'm definitely better than a substitute girlfriend!,0.8715,positive,agreeing 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,listener_2,4,"Dude I agree completely. The saying ""nice guys finish last"" is so true. I've seen many really nice girls and bad girls all fall for the same type of guy, the one that will hurt them. They all say they just want friendship but that only applies to me apparently.",0.584,positive,agreeing 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,listener_1,5,Hell yeah you are better. It may not be easy for one to stand up but once you do it feels good. Don't settle for less.,0.4399,positive,agreeing 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,speaker,6,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 842,depressed,This happens way too often...,listener_3,7,This world is rotten,-0.5106,negative,disgusted 843,depressed,I Have A Thin Skin.,speaker,1,"I get depressed too easily when people criticize me. As I'm writing this, I'm even wondering if it's a dumbass idea to open myself up because I'm afraid of getting judged by people. On top of that, being partially autistic doesn't help much with that either. I had a decent morning today and my mood came crashing down because an acquaintance on Facebook made a negative comment about me. Since that incident, I felt angry, sad, and have been just feeling like complete shit for the rest of the day so far. And because of that, I didn't get any work done in the afternoon which made me feel even more like shit. I'm not gonna kill myself but it would be REALLY FUCKING NICE to have someone to talk with. Asking for a friend......",0.7429,positive,sad 843,depressed,I Have A Thin Skin.,listener_1,2,"Hey. I can be a friend. I'll try my best to not say things that make you feel bad. I'm a bit of work but I do try. If you want, we can talk. PM me when you ready.",0.7311,positive,caring 843,depressed,I Have A Thin Skin.,speaker,3,"Thanks, dude. :)",0.7096,positive,acknowledging 844,depressed,Life...,speaker,1,What is the meaning of life? What do we do with life? People say we live it. Enjoy it. Experience life. And when it’s time for you to pass you’ll pass. But why do we take our own life away? People take they’re own life away because they want the pain to be gone. Be done with. You know no one wants to take they’re own life away. He or she is just tired of suffering. I wanna know what the actual meaning of life is. I wanna know why do we live. I wanna know why life was given to whomever. And if your reading this. I hope you do not take your life away. You are special. You are talented. Someone loves you. You deserve to live. You will experience so many different emotions that may be difficult to live with but let time do it’s thing. I love you all. Doesn’t matter what you did. You are a very special person to someone. ,0.925,positive,sad 844,depressed,Life...,listener_1,2,Life is a lie. There is nothing more painful to realize you were born in the wrong place. To be stuck in a big fat lie while aging and alone with your dreams and hopes being destroyed before your eyes.,-0.2908,negative,devastated 844,depressed,Life...,speaker,3,Life has always been a lie. But life is also a beautiful lie. That's why we fight ,0.4497,positive,faithful 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,speaker,1,"I really don't want to be alive. I have no plans or anything for suicide. I just wouldn't mind if I never woke up again. I have a great support network except when it comes to this. They panic and go ""no, let me get you help."" Then I feel so guilty about worrying them. So instead I bottle it up, unable to express what I'm feeling, and it makes it so much worse. I just wish I could say to a friend, ""I wish I didn't exist"" and they would listen instead of going ""are you going to hurt yourself, do you want me to stay with you, etc etc."" ",-0.4694,negative,ashamed 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_1,2,"Here is where I say, Hi. Well , as someone that once heard that saying from a friend, I'm already going to tell you I find it very hard to not panic. Death scares people. You need to find the best way to deliver that message, as if maybe maybe you can try to somewhat send a message that looks more as a maybe if we could work toghter , you can help me, instead of a it's over , even if it's not what you really want, that will make it easier and more motivated to talk to you and try help you as much as they can. That was my advice. I hope the best for you. Good and feel good",0.9904,positive,suggesting 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_2,3,"Maybe this is what I need, but every time I want to do this I choke up and can’t talk about it anymore",-0.6486,negative,ashamed 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_3,4,I've felt that way for years. I'm not sure if I'm just to weak to kill myself or I really want to live.,-0.8389,negative,apprehensive 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_4,5,I have hobbies which will likely be interesting for a good long while. Manic-like episodes also help me treadwater. Maybe depressive episodes help with constructive apathy; I will spend less vitality on people and situations who don't matter.,0.7983,positive,apprehensive 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_2,6,"THIS is my problem to, i have read to many theories, I don’t know what to think anymore. I hate how the world works, everyone is just in it for themselves it seems sometimes. Animals are being abused just for food/pleasure, sometimes I’m ashamed of being human and think the world is better of if humans are dead",-0.9349,negative,ashamed 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_5,7,if humans die then chimpanzees will rise up to take power xD. I blame the creator for writing such flawed code.,-0.8555,negative,neutral 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_6,8,"choke up, cry, you're allowed to be upset about how you feel. As much as other people's validation will help, you need to validate yourself too.",-0.6124,negative,sad 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_2,9,"Haha true! Than maybe we should make the best of it. I just watched this. It’s a long video but it makes sense. It’s very reassuring to me, maybe it helps you or someone else to: https://youtu.be/zcng6WRK7uE",0.8905,positive,suggesting 845,depressed,I want to die but can't talk to anyone about it because they get all panicky and then don't listen,listener_2,10,"Yeah i actually did cry a few days ago. It helped allot, it helped my girlfriend to understand me allot better. I’m feeling a much better now.",0.6597,positive,neutral 846,depressed,[TW: Suicidal Thoughts] My dog is the only thing keeping me alive.,speaker,1,"So I've seen posts like this before. And I [23F] relate really heavily to them. Right now, I'm really down. I'm devastated over a stupid boy and can't seem to pick myself up from the ground. I keep getting impulsive thoughts that tell me I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. How unloveable I am. How much weight I've gained. I feel like... Death is the only thing for me. My mom hates me, my dad will think I'm a disappointment since I dropped out of school. I feel useless. Stupid and cowardly. But every time I get to that point, I remember my responsibility as a pet parent. That no one would ever take as good of care of her than I do. And I remember how she's always been there for be despite my obvious faults. It frustrates me because all I wanna do is swallow pills and die but I can't. She's the only thing saving me. In the end, I do love her for it. ",-0.1408,negative,sad 846,depressed,[TW: Suicidal Thoughts] My dog is the only thing keeping me alive.,listener_1,2,"boy,when i get in that situation,all I can do is think,someone cares about me,I must keep fighting and let the depression disappear while i'm doing the best to fix everything,if your parents think you're useless show them you're not useless,when you're down the suicide is something stupid,if your dog is the only thing that keeps you alive,you need to fight for its safety and more... look at the mirror and tell the person you see:you are the best,if you keep thinking you're useless you will turn into that shit,if you think you're the best and much more you will become in a excellent person and human,I let you with that (sorry for the english,not my language)",-0.29600000000000004,negative,faithful 846,depressed,[TW: Suicidal Thoughts] My dog is the only thing keeping me alive.,speaker,3,"Don't worry about your English. I definitely understood what you meant. I will definitely try to follow your advice. Suicide isn't something I actually want to do but sometimes I just get so down that I feel like it's my only option. But I know it isn't when I'm thinking rationally. My dog is very important to me so I will make sure she is very safe. Again, thank you! ",0.9576,positive,agreeing 846,depressed,[TW: Suicidal Thoughts] My dog is the only thing keeping me alive.,speaker,4,"Thank you for the kind words. I'm feeling better today. I spent a lot of time with my dog last nights, cuddled up and watching movies. It took a while for me to stop crying but it feels good to yell and cry sometimes. I hope I can find someone like that too. Hopefully I can. ",0.9161,positive,sentimental 846,depressed,[TW: Suicidal Thoughts] My dog is the only thing keeping me alive.,listener_1,5,"no problem,hope you and your dog be fine ;)",0.128,positive,encouraging 847,depressed,My heart is broken and I don't know what to do,speaker,1,"About 4 years ago, I dated a young woman who was everything I wanted. She was beautiful, smart, witty, she had a certain darkness to her and a contrasting innocence. She meant the world to me but she ended it, according to her, because she didn't like the rumors people spread about her motives. The rumors being that I was just a weapon to hurt her ex. I was destroyed when she left me. Over the course of 4 years she lived a hard life. She went from a straight edge young woman to a stoner and alcoholic. The years were hard on me too, and my soft heart was hardened by failed relationships and betrayals from friends. I sent her a random message on the app Sarahah and when she reacted well to it, I let her know that it was me. We started talking and things felt waaaay more real than the first time around. Everything was going so well. We talked every day and always said good night and good morning. It felt so real, I felt my stone like heart soften for the first time in years. The color had returned to my life and I felt alive when I was with her or texting her. But now it seems like she is cutting me off. We went to a wedding and her ex pulled some harsh moves against her when I wasn't around. She didn't tell me because she knew I would have fought him. She was staying with some family friends and wanted to end the night early. I went to a party with my friends and we ended up going to a local bar. Her underage sister was at the bar and I told my SO. My SO told her parents and her sister left. But one of my friends apparently started some rumors about her and my SO is blaming me. I am trying to explain to her that I all I wanted to do was to protect her sister. She won't answer my phone calls and she is hardly talking to me. Part of me thinks that she used me again. To help her get to the wedding and then to get her back to her place which is 3 hours away. She was my muse who inspired me to write again. She made me feel like I was important. And we shared our greatest secrets. I just don't know what to do now. My heart feels like a void. I can't eat anything and the only thing keeping me from drinking myself to sleep is the hope that she will call me so we can straighten this out. I haven't told my friends or family what has been going on because I don't want them to tell me to cut off contact with her. I feel like I need her, she has her claws in my heart and I can't get them out.",0.9972,positive,devastated 847,depressed,My heart is broken and I don't know what to do,listener_1,2,"The solution is the same one you don't want to hear: just stop. She'll come back if she truly cares. Then your life can once again become colorful, for real this time. But if she used you, then it wasn't even a stitched friendship. It was a bandaid over a gunshot wound, kiddo. She's got you around her finger. You need to untwist and be free once more. Your heart shall not harden, for you have brushed off the concrete that was this woman. Live your life freely, without the whip of a woman. For now.",0.9728,positive,faithful 847,depressed,My heart is broken and I don't know what to do,speaker,3,"I know. It's been four hours since she said she would call me and she still hasn't. I'm not going to chase her anymore. I just can't believe that she fooled me like this again. I wish I had listened to my friends and family. The messed up thing is that I don't want to tell them what happened, because the weak part of me wants her to come back and I know what they will say if I give her another shot.",0.0459,neutral,guilty 847,depressed,My heart is broken and I don't know what to do,listener_1,4,"There will always be a weak part of you. And there may always be a longing for her. But as long as you don't collapse under the weight of the stone that is said weakness, you'll be alright.",0.0624,positive,neutral 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,speaker,1,"My dad is an actual fucking retard. He fucked our family over 3 years ago by leaving his job. Now mom has to work extra at home and is very tired and has alot of body pains to keep us living here ( In dubai ) dad is doing nothing about it. He thinks he is never wrong, he owns everything including the house ( Even though mom pays for everything even his dumb buisness that never worked ) and he still thinks that he can coach me in life and tell me how to ""develop myself as a person"" well i dont want to fucking develop into a selfish dumb piece of shit like him. ( He is overweight and whenever confronted he says il exercise when i feel like it ) He wants to move to america even though we would get fucked cus neither parents can get a job there. My mom is very angry at him and only talks to him at a basic level ( Nothing that an actual couple who loved eachother would talk about ( Just basic conversations)) i dont know what to do im only 14 so i cant move out. And if i kms maybe my dad will realize hes a stupid piece of trash and just leave. I need help. Someone help me. Please. Before its too late. He also shouts at me and my family alot our maid is leaving us because of how much he shouts at us and sometimes her. He never sees that he is wrong even if he makes the whole family cry. ",-0.9845,negative,furious 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,listener_1,2,"Don't kys, it won't make him realize shit. Just be patient, get older, find some way out in which you can support yourself, and leave.",-0.2732,negative,consoling 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,listener_2,4,"And if that doesn't work I say be strong , your going to grow old and support you and your mom, meanwhile your best chance is to take all of your anger, pain , and focus it all on getting the highest grades you can, to get the best paying job, and take you and your mom out of this inviroment",0.8555,positive,consoling 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,listener_3,5,">I'm sad [Here's a picture/gif of a cat,](http://random.cat/i/laeH5.jpg) hopefully it'll cheer you up :). ___ I am a bot. use !unsubscribetosadcat for me to ignore you.",0.1759,positive,consoling 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,listener_2,6,Thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,speaker,7,Im trying to think about getting a double major in electrical and mechanical engineering,0.0,neutral,hopeful 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,listener_2,8,"That's the spirit. Go for it. You have the motivation. Every time you wanna say screw this , I just want to rest you realise the house you are in right now, and want it to change. Good luck and best wishes. And as always , sucide is never the answer",0.9325,positive,wishing 848,depressed,Im 14 and hate my dad more than anything in the world,speaker,9,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 849,depressed,Fighting the battle but keeping hope for the war,speaker,1,"My best friend always reminds me that whatever battle with my Major Depression I'm fighting that it doesn't mean the end of the war. I know it sounds like some hokey *Friday Night Lights* pep talk. But if you can separate yourselffrom the pain, hopelessness, feelings of being overwhelmed and It's just not worth the fight anymore for just a moment, you can see its truth. As I write this I'm struggling with two major issues. Losing my 2 wonderful children to parental alienation and being near the WTC on 9/11. These two battle fronts have just kicked me in the teeth. And as what usually happens with Depression I'm mysteriously fighting health issues. Luckily I am in a very different place than I was 2yrs ago. I know for sure that I can survive this. Surviving does not mean coming out without wounds that can cause problems later. Nor does surviving mean we escape the scars of consequences for our past actions and choices. But what it does mean is that if we just **don't give up** we will make it through till either we can get help or till we have learn to move past it. My 9/11 story is boring. I wasn't at the ETC site. I missed both collisions. However, I did watch the truly hopeless jump, taking matters in their own hands. I did see the fire trucks, emts and NYPD race through the busy Manhattan streets. I also lost people close to me. I lost 7 friends. 7 of the best commuting friends one could ask for. Every Friday we would celebrate Happy Hour by grabbing a few beers to bring on Amtrak. Then during our supposedly 45min layover grab 1, maybe 2 last beers. God I miss them. I also lost a train car of *""commuting buddies."" These were the folks we didn't really know. Briefcase Guy, Scarf Lady, Button Popper and all the other folks that just disappeared that day. Sure, I don't know if they all were in the towers. But for whatever reason, they disappeared after that day. So, I find myself in these loops. Replaying all of my life choices. The good and the bad. But I'll admit mostly the bad. However, I keep falling back to those fateful words and their meaning. Maybe I'm just too outgunned for today's battles. But if I can just focus on the war, I still have a chance coming out on top. *(If you are struggling today or any other day, please call for help before making any final decisions)*",-0.9555,negative,trusting 849,depressed,Fighting the battle but keeping hope for the war,listener_1,2," I am dearly sorry to hear that you lost so many people close to you during 9/11. I can't imagine losing 7 friends at once. What do you mean by parental alienation? Also, I love your outlook on the fight w depression. We might lose battles here and there and will be scarred, but we just have to keep pushing through to win the war. That gives me hope for my situation currently which honestly doesn't sound as bad as yours. I'm supposed to graduate University this semester but I haven't gone to class in two weeks because of anxiety/depression. I feel like I'm quickly losing the battle ",0.7856,positive,caring 849,depressed,Fighting the battle but keeping hope for the war,speaker,3,"Thank you for your kind words. Here's Wikipedia about Parental Alienation. Personally, I just would rather not talk about it more than I have. I hope you understand. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_alienation Though it is tougher than anyone can describe, it helps to talk about what we are going through. We already know there will be consequences and though we would rather it go away, we are resigned to accept it. I think this is part of the issue with those that do not understand mental illness. Depression and Anxiety might sound simple, it truly can be crippling. Trying to explain the weight that keeps us from action and the shear fear of our worst imaginable outcome that can even keep us from getting out of bed just cannot be explained. Those that do not suffer don't understand that their *""moments""* of anxiety and/or depression is our life **NOT** just some temporary feeling or setback. I encourage you to reach out to your counseler and explain the situation. If you have a therapist or psychiatrist maybe have them write a letter explaining your diagnosis. I have honestly found that if I just face the issue head on I feel better no matter the consequence because I am at least moving. That means I conquered my depression and anxiety. To me *(and let's be honest that's all that matters really.)* that is one huge win! Don't give up the war just because you feel like you're having a Dunkirk moment. Just remember that the support team rallied behind those soldiers and then the Allied forces came back and kicked ass. :) Good luck and thank you again for your kind words.",0.9782,positive,trusting 849,depressed,Fighting the battle but keeping hope for the war,listener_1,4,"Completely understood. For some reason the things you say make me feel better. The Dunkirk thing was spot on haha. Oh gosh, I need to face my problems head on if I want to get anywhere and overcome this and graduate. I guess I should email my profs and tell them I need help. You're so right about people not understanding. I hate having to try and explain what I'm going through to people who haven't experienced it because I just feel stupid and weak. It sounds so stupid when I say my thoughts out loud even though its always so serious in my head and I feel crippled by the bad thoughts. Thank you for all your encouragement :-)",-0.0283,neutral,agreeing 849,depressed,Fighting the battle but keeping hope for the war,listener_2,5,"**Parental alienation** Parental alienation is the process, and the result, of the psychological manipulation of a child into showing unwarranted fear, disrespect or hostility towards a parent or other family members. It is a distinctive and widespread form of psychological abuse and family violence—towards both the child and the rejected family members—that occurs almost exclusively in association with family separation or divorce (particularly where legal action is involved) and that undermines core principles of both the Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child. Most commonly, the primary cause is a parent wishing to exclude another parent from the life of their child, but other family members or friends, as well as professionals involved with the family (including psychologists, lawyers and judges), may contribute significantly to the process. It often leads to the long-term, or even permanent, estrangement of a child from one parent and other family members and, as a particularly adverse childhood experience, results in significantly increased risks of both mental and physical illness for children. *** ^[ [^PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=kittens_from_space) ^| [^Exclude ^me](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiTextBot&message=Excludeme&subject=Excludeme) ^| [^Exclude ^from ^subreddit](https://np.reddit.com/r/depressed/about/banned) ^| [^FAQ ^/ ^Information](https://np.reddit.com/r/WikiTextBot/wiki/index) ^| [^Source](https://github.com/kittenswolf/WikiTextBot) ^] ^Downvote ^to ^remove ^| ^v0.27",-0.912,negative,angry 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_3,1,"I believe I am dieing, I keep on feeling light headed and dizzy, my skin is alot pailer and I am having trouble breathing, please help me, I am 13 and it is late at night, I don't know what to do.",0.2263,positive,terrified 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_4,2,Eat something! Drink some water! You sound malnourished. ,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_3,3,"Thanks, I just had a warm shower and a drink, I feel a bit better. Any idea what could've caused me to react like this? ",0.8481,positive,sympathizing 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_4,4,"I don't know the exact cause because I didn't pay attention in biology back in the day, but I've had plenty of light-headed, pale, fainty, queezy episodes when I don't get enough food or water. Dehydration and malnutrition are very real, you gotta pay attention to what you eat and drink.",-0.1159,negative,anxious 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_3,5,"Thanks, I still feel light headed at times but other than that I believe I'm alright.",0.5346,positive,content 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_4,6,"It could be low blood sugar - maybe eat a piece of fruit or have a cup of juice, see if the light headed feeling goes away.",-0.1531,negative,suggesting 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_3,7,Is it normal that I can't feel my heart in my chest?,-0.5216,negative,questioning 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_3,8,"Thanks, I'll try that.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 849,depressed,Dieing,listener_1,9,"Yes - that's perfectly normal. Put two fingers under your jawbone close to your beck until you feel a pulsing, then you can feel your heart rate. Keep moving your fingers around if you don't feel anything at first. ",0.9022,positive,agreeing 850,depressed,Ready to die,speaker,1,"Life is horrible and nothing matters, I'm ready to be fucking dead",-0.8828,negative,angry 850,depressed,Ready to die,listener_1,2,I feel the same way. But there are definitely reasons to live. Or reasons you can't just stop breathing. ,0.7079,positive,agreeing 850,depressed,Ready to die,listener_2,3,">[**Matsuoka Shuzo [松岡修造 ] - あきらめかけているあなた (NEVER GIVE UP!!) [English] [0:35]**](http://youtu.be/KxGRhd_iWuE) >>Matsuoka Shuzo's famous NEVER GIVE UP!! message, subtitled in English for those viewers who have no clue what he's saying. > [*^Ryuujin131*](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBRxjpsVJu9p5fbVrLfHstw) ^in ^Entertainment >*^4,506,240 ^views ^since ^Jun ^2010* [^bot ^info](/r/youtubefactsbot/wiki/index)",0.4153,positive,nostalgic 850,depressed,Depression,listener_3,1,What do you do when a stronger person takes the piss out of depression?,-0.5859,negative,questioning 850,depressed,Depression,listener_4,2,"Why are they a ""stronger"" person? People who talk shit about depression have no clue what they are talking about. Actually, a kickboxer recently went on a rant about depression on twitter, and endless people chimed in, including J.K. Rowling, to put him in his place. So, just tell them to not talk about things they don't know about and that you'd be more than happy to show they how they are wrong. Or, just ignore them because they are judgmental idiots. ",-0.9277,negative,questioning 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,speaker,1,"How do I make myself look forward to things? I know in theory I have a lot of stuff going for me - I'm in my first year of college, I have my engineering ball next weekend, I get four months off this summer. But in reality, I can't make myself get excited about anything. I just want to sleep. The only thing that makes me happy is convincing myself that next time I go home from college, the boy I like who doesn't like me will finally decide he does. Even though logically, it ain't gonna happen. Then when it doesn't, I get sadder. How do I get myself excited for **real life**, not fantasies.",0.9661,positive,hopeful 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,listener_1,2,"""In theory"", how do you know you actually like those stuff. You ever get excited for such things before? If I were in your position I would just not put the expectation of getting excited upon myself, I mean its quite OK if you don't feel like you are looking forward to those things. The boy thing = excitement because it activates one of your deeper desires, more primitive. We are animals after all. ",0.8914,positive,apprehensive 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,speaker,3,"I used to get really excited about stuff like that. There have been times in my life when I *loved* school. I *loved* dressing up. I *loved* spending long, lazy months by the lake reading books. When I am in the good place, these are things that I like. But now I just hate everything except the one thing that's never going to happen.",0.5922,positive,disappointed 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,speaker,4,I don't know what my passion is. Everything I used to love about myself and the world seems so boring and tiring now. Nothing makes me excited except for the one person I will never have.,0.4893,positive,lonely 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,listener_1,5,"I know what you mean, when I was at a low point of my depression it was hard to even play VIDEO GAMES, I actually had to force myself to do it. I also stopped doing exercise for a month (I've never went more than 2 days without some form of physical activity in 8 years), I just had no hope for anything you know. How I got out of it was I stopped myself... looked around... and was like ""I'm gonna go back to the very basics of living"". So first thing I did was set my alarm for 7:30am, and vowed to wake up at that time no matter what. I can stay up till 2am browsing reddit, or whatever I want but I had to wake up at 7:30am. After doing this for a week, and congratulating myself for doing it, I also added in stuff like ""I must brush my teeth every night, no skipping"", then maybe ""I must clean my room once a day"". Even though this seems kind of pathetic, it eventually built up so I had a solid base, even if I was feeling really down I still had all these things to do and felt rewarded after doing them you know. In my experience it feels like depression is caused by lack of reward feedback, imagine you keep doing stuff and you never get rewarded or feel good about it... who wouldn't become depressed right. Is there a reason you fell into depression? Or did it just happen over time?",-0.1352,negative,ashamed 851,depressed,Looking forward to things,speaker,6,"I'm trying to begin more of a routine. I've recently re-re-joined the gym. I'm actually exercising with a friend which traditionally I've hated, but this particular friend seems to be a bearable gym buddy. I'm trying to make myself go to my classes more, but it's just so hard. All I want to do is stay in my dorm room all day. I just feel so burnt out and uninspired by everything. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 8, so it's been a pretty ongoing thing. Although I have a few triggers like anyone else, sometimes I have no idea why I'm so miserable with my life. Sometimes I have periods when I feel better, but not in awhile. I guess this spiral was set off by moving away from home, loosing all my friends and not really making any new ones. But that's a bit of a chicken and egg situation - I can't tell if having no friends lead to the dark place, or I have no friends because of the dark place.",-0.3991,negative,lonely 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,speaker,1,"I'm 34. Never been married. No kids. Broke up with a very good man while I was drunk. Over text messages. Because I had bottled up feelings of insecurity. All the things I said to him... I realize it's due to my insecurities. I assumed the worst. Saw everything at its worst. I didn't have a relationship longer than 2 months in 5 years. Then I met this guy and it was going on 7 months. Then I smashed any hope of fixing things; he was willing to fix things but I likely turned it down in the most horrible way. I'm depressed that I am so insecure and wind up thinking the worst of people and ruin my relationships. I never think I'm good enough, so I sabotage any good feeling. I'm never going to get to have kids or sustain a relationship.",-0.9886,negative,ashamed 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,listener_1,2,We should go out and party sometime. It'll be awesome. ,0.7783,positive,suggesting 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,speaker,3,Have not. Considered depression. But I just refuse to think it's that. I can be happy ,0.6427,positive,faithful 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,listener_2,4,"Also, if you ARE depressed, it's not a bad thing! You would be able to work out a self careplan, that might just... Help you figure out WHY you react the way you do to relationships and how to cope with the emotions/impulses you feel? ",0.3699,positive,suggesting 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,listener_2,5,"Yeah, you can be! But-- help *helps* it really does. Even if you just see someone one time and vent at them, it really helps. Having someone impartial that would listen is what therapists are for ): ",0.8394,positive,neutral 852,depressed,i drink when i'm depressed. and create more depressing situations after drinking.,speaker,6,I'm here still. I took some days to just step away and just cleanup and reorganize my home. I wound up spending a lot of time texting an ex about how depressed I was that I had recently lost someone I was seeing. I really don't know if it made things any better for me. It seems like I need companionship. I seem to think I'm a complete loser when I dont have someone.,-0.5574,negative,lonely 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,1,My life is very sad for I think 4 years I've been homeschooled half of that time only 9 hours a week of schooling never do extra work (homework) and I don't plan on straightening my life out although I know for sure I'm not gonna get anywhere in life if i don't start getting a proper education so that makes me very sad but that's just one part I also have like no friends and barely hangout with my family I just sit playing games atleast 10 hours a day while sad and crying btw my parents are unaware I'm still going through depression they knew I was depressed before when they saw the scars on my arm (don't worry I stopped cutting myself because I'm scared they will see more scars but I would still like to cut :P) I was kindof forced to tell them about it at that point but I stopped talking about it to them said I was doing fine and was happy (wish I still am saying that) so they think I'm better now but inside I'm really still hurting and cry all the time I'm not sure what I'm gonna do with life when I grow up at this point even if my depression stops or gets better I'm still very uneducated I struggle so much with the basics like very basic math (I'm in 9th grade technically) and I doubt I'll get a job at all if i do it certainly won't be a well paying one depression just makes everything so hard but luckily even though I don't want to but have no other choice my parents said I can live with them even when I grow up not really looking forward to that but at the rate I'm at this is what my sad life is gonna end up like I'm not really sure what else to put here but if anyone maby has suggestions on what I can do to help with my depression (I've done hours of research on what I can do but it's either too hard or I've already tried it) I'd definitely appreciate it I'll try my.best to reply to any comments as fast as I can thanks for reading I know it was long and sorry for the bad punctuation I'm on my iPad though so stuff gets auto corrected thankfully.,-0.9847,negative,lonely 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_1,2,"Don't let the school work bring you down. Find a trade you like and become the best at it, or just good. Construction has a massive labor shortage now and will continue. We need young folks willing to learn the work. Just show up watch and learn. Watch and learn. You'll do great. When I was 15 I was doing construction cleaning on new production homes, I'm now a Pm In charge of building multi million commercial projects. You have plenty of time. Don't stress about it. ",0.9329,positive,hopeful 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,3,I don't think I would be cut out for construction work I'm a bit overweight and I never workout so not strong at all plus with my current mental state getting a job right now probably isn't a good idea idk if I'm gonna get one ever really but if I'm gonna i would wait until I'm atleast 18 just hopeing the depression goes away eventually many in 2 or 3 years if I'm lucky ,-0.7609999999999999,negative,apprehensive 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_2,4,"it wont ever go away. thats the harsh reality of it. it sticks with you forever and you just have to find a way that works for you to deal with it. personally, working out really helped improve my mental state, just going to the gym even 3 times a week can be enough to make a difference.",0.0717,positive,neutral 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,5,It really doesn't ever go away? What about the things articles say online they say it goes away eventually well that sucks if it never goes away I do go to the y and workout every now and then but not frequently exercising isn't really my thing,-0.0516,negative,acknowledging 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_2,6,"switching to a workout schedule helped me a lot, giving structure to my life rly helped. but yeah. if its actual depression like you've been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, that doesn't ever really leave you. some days or months can be better and some will be worse.",-0.782,negative,neutral 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,7,Maby I'll think about working out I have a couple of expensive exercise equipment at my house and ya some days aren't terrible but most of the days I'm very sad and don't do anything productive,-0.5876,negative,disappointed 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,8,I hope so maybe I'll try to find some activity or something that provides a distraction and makes me feel better thanks for the comment reading this gives me a bit of hope that things will one day get easier but no I don't really have any desire to get anywhere in life at the moment but I'm trying my best to find something that helps with my depression and meds have side affects and stuff so I don't really wanna start taking meds plus I heard it can take a really long time to find a antidepressant that helps you.,0.9392,positive,hopeful 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,9,"That is really true, that finding an antidepressant that works for you can be difficult-- But, you can always learn how to better cope with your bad feelings. It's rough, it's hard but it's very possible! Do you think if you talked to your parents about how you feel, maybe they could help you find a therapist? Or...Maybe you can find one on your own, if their help isn't an option? Some therapists are terrible, but, most are good people who really just want to help YOU learn how to help yourself. Good luck, young buddy ):",0.9627,positive,suggesting 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,10,I don't like talking to my parents about it they saw my scars before but they think I'm doing better now which I'm not at all I just lie to them and say I am feeling better plus they offered to pay to get therapy for me but I declined the offer because I'm too scared to talk to anyone about what I'm feeling.,0.6364,positive,apprehensive 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,11,"I know that scared, but-- You should tell your parents the truth. I'm sure they love you, and only want to help-- You wouldn't have to tell them anything more than you want to see a therapist, and then tell that person everything that's eating away at you?",0.9485,positive,questioning 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,12,Idk If I wanna see a therapist or not that's the thing like I guess I wouldn't know if I would like therapy or not unless I tried it. I guess I'm just scared of the thought that I would be telling someone everything that I'm feeling right now and if I did tell my parents that I'm still going through depression they would make me see a therapist cause they already tried having me do activities to make me feel better but it didn't work.,0.0516,positive,apprehensive 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,13,"Yeah, theres not really much advice I can offer beyond what you just said, yourself! Therapy isn't for everyone, but If therapy works for you it works, if it doesn't you at least would have tried.",0.2244,positive,neutral 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,14,Well thanks for the advice I'm gonna try working out at some point to see if that helps and maby one day I'll try therapy but that might not be for a while.,0.5106,positive,neutral 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,15,Just take as best care of you that you can! I hope you find something that will help!,0.9272,positive,consoling 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,16,Me too thanks a lot for all of your help I think I'll try and find something that helps like I'm gonna try and workout tonight I hope I'll be able to get at least 30 minutes to an hour of exercise done,0.9118,positive,hopeful 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,17,"Good luck, and remember to hydrate yourself! It can be really easy to get dehydrated going after depression!exercise. ",0.865,positive,wishing 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,18,Ok that's actually a good thing you tell me this because I drink very little water I'll go drink some right now thanks.,0.7906,positive,acknowledging 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,listener_3,19,"You're welcome. I have such a bad problem remembering to drink water, I have an app on my phone that reminds me every so often ( it's called water time lite on google play)",-0.2023,negative,prepared 853,depressed,I'm depressed uneducated and 15,speaker,20,Me too usually I end up drinking like only 2 glasses of water a day I'll look for a app like that in the App Store I think that will help me a lot.,0.7717,positive,agreeing 854,depressed,Please Help Me.,speaker,1,"Hey Everyone. Just some info on me first. I'm graduating university this December with my Bachelors in History and I plan on working for the Park Service. But I've struggled with depression all my adult life. Mainly, it stems from loneliness and my inability to attract women. I want a girlfriend, but I fear rejection and I don't think I could handle it. I have no friends, or any interest. What I'm getting at is how to I make myself available to women and how do I attract them? Any help is appreciated. PS: I'm also 6.0, 230 lbs, and mixed race from Danish and Lakota Sioux ancestry. I have an olive skin tone with black hair and dark brown eyes. I'm incredibly insecure and have extreme depression and anxiety. ",-0.9716,negative,lonely 854,depressed,Please Help Me.,listener_1,2,"It doesn't matter whether you make yourself more available to women if you can't handle rejection. Rejection is a part of life. You can't expect the first person you date to be the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. You need to ease up on the rejection and think of dating as trial and error, some fun times, and a way to be social. Maybe putting up a dating profile on okcupid or something similar. But you cannot have your depression depend on whether or not you are in a relationship. That is way too much pressure on the other person. Talk to a therapist or counselor if necessary, but this is much less about what you think is your inability to attract women and more about your unwillingness to work on your confidence and put yourself out there. ",0.8385,positive,apprehensive 854,depressed,Please Help Me.,listener_2,3,"This reads like sUPER SALIENT ADVICE, thank you for contributing.",0.8941,positive,acknowledging 855,depressed,Me ex,speaker,1,"Recently she made her IG public, so I was able to see it. Saw her and her new bf and it makes me so...jealous and angry and I wish I could have her all to my self...but I guess I can't forget everything I've said and put het through...its hard but I try...i know I can be better than him, but who's to say? I guess it's not really a competition since she doesn't even think about me. I still love her so much, and luckily I've never been the type of guy who's blown her up creepily. I need to move on, it was my fault I lost her, and I'm probably the one who's fucked more people after the break up than her, if she's even fucked more than one dude...but really how do I get over something I've done to myself. It's killing me.",-0.9095,negative,jealous 855,depressed,Me ex,listener_1,2,"Dude I have no expertise on your situation, but if you can still feel so much raw emotion that is mazing and beautiful. You are important and these are your feelings, if you have a sense of you, actual YOU. Focus on that and chase it. If she makes you mad, seek closure, if you're sad, find happiness. And, as you are, jealous, not of her (partner) even - but jealous of the image of a phantom of yourself, let it go. If you think you weren't enough, improve yourself. Great idea no matter what. If you think you could never make her truly happy, then forget it/her, not everything is meant to be, personal growth needs learning experiences.",0.4255,positive,neutral 855,depressed,Me ex,speaker,3,"You're so right. I had to read your comment like 5 times before it hit me. I appreciate that, lost way too much time literally just thinking of the situation ",0.4404,positive,agreeing 856,depressed,Kill myself here or there?,speaker,1,"I don't really want to get into the specific details because it's too much to write down. I'm stuck between two options. Stay with my boyfriend and possibly kill myself or move in with my parents and deal with their emotional abuse and possibly kill myself. My depression and suicidal thoughts havent been getting better. I was going to stick it out and live with my boyfriend and save money to afford my own apartment. But the problem is that I'm the only one who works and I spend 200 every 2 weeks on groceries for both of us. We dont pay for rent because his father owns the building. Everyone keeps telling me I'm lucky but I'm not. I come home and cook, clean do the dishes on top of doing piles of dishes at my job, that doesn't give me enough hours. I constantly tell him what is wrong, I don't hide my feelings or expect him to figure out what wrong but he keeps disappointing me over and over. I want to leave but I dont know where to go. If I go back home where my depression originated I feel like I'll kill myself. My dad is overly controlling and sexist. My curfew there would be 10:30. Ill be 21 on the 20th and I just feel trapped. My friends live too far to move with them. If I did do that it wouldn't work. My one friend is married with a baby and my other friend is always with her boyfriend her family is so controlling they wouldnt let her go to Miami for our trip that never happened. I just dont know where to go. Anything positive response can help please.",-0.9109,negative,apprehensive 856,depressed,Kill myself here or there?,listener_1,2,"Hello. I want you to know that I hope you don't kill yourself. I'm sorry that you feel trapped in a place where you think that maybe your only option. Do you have a therapist or friend that you can talk to and try to explore other options or services available that might help? Maybe a crises line could be a starting point. I'm more than happy to listen, too, if you want to pm me. I'm a 38 year old woman and has had depression since I was 14. It's always there but with medication and therapy I'm usually able to function normally most of the time. It gets better. Life gets better. And sometimes even when the material things that seem to cause the depression are removed - or your removed from the situation- it can still follow you. I'm telling you this because I've learned (finally) that the things that I think are causing my depression aren't. It's in my head and I do have the ability to change it with enough work - and medication and sometimes therapy. Take care. I hope you read the other posts here so you know that you are not alone. Most people posting seem to be your age which I think is indicative of all the changes that happen in a short period for young people and how media makes that age seem like the absolute best when it really isn't. Edit: grammar/spelling ",0.9756,positive,sympathizing 856,depressed,Kill myself here or there?,speaker,3,"Thank you so much. I want to get a therapist but I feel too nervous to actually make an appointment. Im not worried about the cost because I have enough saved up. I have one friend I can talk to about my depression but he's a guy and my boyfriend lets his imagination go wild when I talk to him about things. That guy has been my best friend since high school but he lives in Michigan. Thank you for your help though, I'm still finding courage to go through my decision on getting a therapist.",0.9796,positive,grateful 856,depressed,Kill myself here or there?,speaker,4,Thank you ❤,0.7717,positive,grateful 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,speaker,1,"Granted, I've had some shitty things happen in my life, this isn't gonna be the half of it. But i felt I needed to share. I don't know if anyone is gonna read this, or respond. But knowing it's out there makes me feel a bit better. My dad gave up on being a dad after I was born. My brother is 11 years older than me and I think my dad was over having small children again. Honestly don't have many memories with him when I was young, only that he lied alot and I never had the guts to confront him about it. My parentes divorced when I was 10, my mom couldn't handle it anymore. My dad kept leaving for months at a time only to come back and pretend that everything was fine and normal. Also the cheating probobly ripped my moms heart out. I struggled alot after that. We moved away from my childhood home, and far away from my best friend. After leaving her I haven't been able to sustain a long lasting friendship. Maybe I feel like I don't deserve it, after all my dad didn't even want me.. right? I lived with my mom and my brother, seeing my dad every other weekend up until the age of 13. He had a new girlfriend, in Thailand. She was probobly one of the girls he cheated on my mom with, since they got together less than 6 months after my parentes split. In my dad's twisted way he thought it would be funny to make me guess that his girlfriend was pregnant. It wasn't funny. He didn't even tell me directly. As he tried to make me guess I just responded with ""Unless someone died, I don't want to know"" His response? ""Well it's kinda the oposite"". I just walked away, cause I kinda already figured. After that I cut contact with him. At the age of 13. Who does that? I guess I had enough of his lies, the way he treated my mom. I haven't spoken to him since, he tried to call me once a year on my birthday. I never take calls on my birthday because of that, not unless I have the number saved. He gave up tho, it's been a couple of years now. He used to send a text wishing me a happy birthday, he doesn't do that either anymore. I'm 22 now. For some reason I feel bad because of this. Maybe I'm the bad guy? But everytime I think like that my head fills with memories of my mom crying as she packed her entire life into moving boxes on the floor. I hate him for what he did to her. I love my mom, honestly I couldn't have asked for a kinder person to be in my life. She's a bit of an introvert, just like me. She sees herself as boring, I don't. She loves to read, watch TV shows, make jewelry. She's timid, and preferes to focus on others and not herself. I can't express how much I love her, she's worked so hard to take care of me and my brother. After the divorce she started working alot. I saw her for maybe 30 min a day? I never blamed her for leaving me alone alot tho. Although I do regret not being more social and active, but that's on me. I played videogames when I was alone. Now she's diagnosed with cancer. A rare type which I could never remember the name of. May 2016 she got diagnosed, and no doctor has ever given us a prognoses for how long she has left. My brother apparently did some researth and it's rare to live for more than a couple of years with it cause it never really goes away. No matter how much chemo or radiation. It's something she has to live with for the rest of her life. I don't know what to do if I lose her, I'm so scared. Things seemed fine for a while, but now she has toumors in her brain and this time around she seems like she's just given up. She seems tired, and sad, and she doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want to seek help. I don't know what to do or how to handle this. ",0.8326,positive,lonely 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,listener_1,2,"hey man this might not mean much, but I actually am in tears reading this. I'm pretty depressed too right now and I truly want things to go well for you. It may not be a lot, but I'm routing for you and your awesome mom. Try to make the best of the hand that you've been given and you will have no regrets.",0.9773,positive,sentimental 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, it honestly means alot. I'll try to work hard to make things better, I owe my mom that much",0.8055,positive,acknowledging 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,speaker,4,"I'm not sure how to accept it when my mom passes away. I don't think I can. I know it's because she's my mother, but in my mind she's the last person to deserve this. I feel like she feels lonely, but doesn't feel like she deserves love and happiness cause she finds herself boring. Having no hair doesn't help either. Your response means alot, honestly didn't think anyone would bother to respond. And it makes me happy in a weird way that you felt a connection between our stories. When it comes to support groups, it terrifies my mom. When she first got her diagnosis she refused, and she didn't like the psycologist the hospital had her talk to. Now it's like she's written off an entire professsion. I'll try my best to push her to talk to someone still, she seems so closed off. Thank you so much for everything!",0.9412,positive,surprised 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,listener_1,5,its no problem :) i wish you the best future man,0.7703,positive,wishing 857,depressed,I'm not sure why I'm here,listener_2,6,"And thank you so much for responding to me! ❤️ When people don't respond after a depressed post, I fear the worst. ",-0.8553,negative,grateful 858,depressed,Felt better. Not anymore,speaker,1,"I want to die. There's nothing more to it. I was better for months. Was worse before that. Was hospitalized before that. Repeat forever. I'll never be cured of this cycle. Why try anyways? What's the point? I have ALWAYS returned to wanting to die. I want to stop bothering the people around me and disappear. It's starting to feel like this is the ""real"" feeling that comes back and the ""up"" is a fake reality that I spin for myself to trick me into surviving another year. Is it true? Do I give up and die? It feels like the noble thing to do at this point. ",-0.8677,negative,sad 858,depressed,Felt better. Not anymore,listener_1,2,I think I'm stuck in this circle too. How old are you?,-0.25,negative,questioning 858,depressed,Felt better. Not anymore,listener_2,3,I feel the same.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 859,depressed,"I'm feeling lost, need some advice",speaker,1,"I have a good job, I'm finishing my MS degree but feel shitty. It's because of a girl. We work together and I was walled off and distant at first, because I didn't want to deal with romance at work. Eventually things progressed anyway. We liked each other and it was pretty awesome, seemed like it was going somewhere. Out of the blue she got distant. We talked, she said she didn't know what she wanted, this won't work out. She ended up in a relationship shortly after. They're still dating, and I feel like garbage. I tried keeping my regimen, which is exercise, work, school, hang out with friends when I have time. Now I'm drinking a lot, I started smoking again, I'm not really working out or eating. I know it's dumb to trade my well being over grief of a girl. I just can't shake it and get back in to routine. I'm ready to do that though. If there are good resources or any advice on how to help I'd love to hear it. I want to get better, I want to stop sulking. Typing this out has actually been a little therapeutic to be honest. I don't have anyone to talk to, so that might be part of my problem. Thanks,",0.992,positive,lonely 859,depressed,"I'm feeling lost, need some advice",listener_1,2,"First of all, don't blame yourself over any of this. I've heard many weird reasons from girls as to why they'd want a relationship with specific people. Perhaps she meaned a lot to you and that alot just disappeared out of nowhere but you'll never fill the gap that left in your life if you prolong the grief process and do nothing about it. I personally know how it feels to have everything work out then hit rock bottom. You still have friends, a good job and loved ones who expect certain things from you and if you keep this going you'll let them down. Gather motivation from the above. Think of your days before you met her. You were still happy back then, she doesn't truly mean the world to you. Work to earn your life back. As for what you can do to pick yourself back up, stick to the people you know and love. Spend some time with them and appreciate them. This'll help fill the gap. I'd say don't drink but if you must drink out with friends. Nothing eats your emotions out more than drinking alone with yourself and your negative emotions only. And don't force yourself to instantly return to your beforehand life. Take it slow because big changes take time to truly sit in place. Start off with your drinking habits, reduce or completely stop. And most importantly have a healthy diet. Not eating will stress your body out in addition to what you're already going through so it's a very important part of the process It's most likely too early to start another relationship right now. But it's not the end of the world. Give it some time and have a go at it when you feel ready :)",0.9936,positive,sad 859,depressed,"I'm feeling lost, need some advice",speaker,3,"Honestly, I was really surprised by the situation because she's in her early thirties. People always told me that women who are around that age are less likely to do things like this since they're trying to settle, or at least more mature. I guess in this case it isn't an actual age thing as much as it's a maturity thing. I'll keep my hopes up for someone, and try not to get hung up on someone who's just passing through. Thanks for the advice!",0.9411,positive,hopeful 860,depressed,I dont know whats wrong with me.,speaker,1,"For about a year, I've been emotionally detached. I can't stay in a relationship because I don't care, I lose interest, I don't like pet names or any sort of affection. I get depressed easily, but that depression quickly turns into me feeling detached. My grades are slipping but I don't care. I can't focus on anything except this emptiness in myself. I feel like something is missing, maybe someone. I just want to feel again. I hate feeling so empty. Someone please help me. ",-0.9115,negative,lonely 860,depressed,I dont know whats wrong with me.,listener_1,2,"hi Sarah, I'm sorry you've been feeling so down. It's really tough when our motivation is low and we go back and forth between caring and not caring. Also, feeling low and depressed is a tough place to be in and I empathize with you. One thing: there is nothing wrong with you. Some people are born into lives and families where they are taught how to be in the world, how things work, they are given really good coping skills, and taught how to adjust themselves. Most people are not born into families that are adequately equipped to coach them to learn how to manage their mood, give themselves self-care, connect with others in relationship. For most of us, it is up to us to explain life to ourselves, to parent ourselves, teach ourselves life skills around how to cope with life's challenges. This is our number one job. The good news is there is really good treatment for depression, low mood and feelings of emptiness. The treatment is seeing a counsellor or social worker, reading self-help books or articles on line, providing social opportunities for yourself… Getting out with friends, exercising regularly, engaging in spiritual practice and practising a hobby for half an hour a day. Try different treatments, see which one works best for you. Likely, it will be a combination of things. For me, I know that I need to get out for a walk every day or get some type of exercise., I need to go to church once a week and do devotions every day, I need to work, but not too much… 40 hours a week is good for me, and I need to be on the phone or socializing with a friend every two days. The last thing I want to leave you with is that you are incredibly valuable. You are worth the work you put into yourself. You deserve the best life you can create for yourself. You deserve health, happiness, good life skills, a good job one day, and on and on. Your worth is immeasurable. I wish you all the best",0.995,positive,sympathizing 860,depressed,I dont know whats wrong with me.,speaker,3,Thank you for your advice. It's just really hard to try and engage myself in things that would help me get out of this low place because all I wanna do is stay home and do nothing. I can not express how thankful I am that you shared your coping mechanisms with me. I will try my best to do this. ,0.7983,positive,grateful 860,depressed,I dont know whats wrong with me.,listener_2,4,"Don't be discouraged if you are unable to follow these coping mechanisms. Sometimes things just take time, and that is perfectly okay. Feel free to pm me if you want to talk things out. We're here for you.",0.8992,positive,questioning 861,depressed,I fell in love with a drug addict.,speaker,1,"I've been dating this guy for almost a year. I knew he had struggled with drugs way back in his past. And I thought he kicked them. He finally came out and told me relapsed, he told me this on August 22, 2017. But he told me he relapsed in June of 2017. So, 2 months of not knowing he was taking oxycodone and suboxen. We've had some rough patches in our relationship, mostly my fault. So, I stayed with him, because I loved him. I told him i wasnt going anywhere and we were in this together. His sons mother, which is a little crazy, told me he was a heroin addict when they were together. I just thought she was lying. I thought the was trying to find a way to break us up. I got confirmation of his past heroin addiction last week by his best friend. So, so far, he s told me he relapsed on pills, now I know he was a heroin addict. So where does my mind go? I started to think oh my god, is he doing more than what hes telling me?? I regrettingly went through his phone while he was asleep. I went through hisbtexts, calls and photos. I completely crushed our trust. But I was so scared he was doing more, or was planning on doing more than what he was telling me. There was a video, of him doing something, Idk what, but he nodded off and fell to the floor and had a seizure. He NEVER told me about this. His best friend 're assured me that he wouldn't do anything like he did in that video. For 5 days, I had nothing but nightmares of me coming home to see him the way I did in that video. Or wake up in the Middle of the night to see what I saw in that video. Every night for those 5 nights I would wake up to make sure he was still breathing. He found out I went through his phone. And he left me. Came home, packed his stuff and left. I crossed the line, but at the time I felt like I was doing the right thing by trying to protect him. But I know I was completely wrong to do that. What do I do now? I've said all I can to try to get him back, but nothing seems to be working. What do I do now.",0.746,positive,trusting 861,depressed,I fell in love with a drug addict.,listener_1,2,"Drugs stuff aside, someone who dumps you for going through their phone when THEY have issues isn't worth your time. Period. Best thing is to get over him, move on and open the door to a man with his shit together. There's plenty of great guys out there who would be happy to fill the hole. ",0.7214,positive,angry 861,depressed,I fell in love with a drug addict.,listener_2,3,"I have to agree with you there. Even if he's changed, sober and getting his life together now, he should not have reacted the way he did if he was a good guy. Reacting the way he did is suspicious and childish tbh. He was the one hiding his past from OP. OP was just worried about him and, rightfully, suspicious over his dishonesty. I'm sorry OP but you deserve far better :( you are full of love and you need someone worthy to give it to",0.836,positive,agreeing 861,depressed,I fell in love with a drug addict.,speaker,4,"It's just hard. I love him. He's such a beautiful soul, I know addiction is hard, that's why I stayed. ",0.8074,positive,caring 862,depressed,Life,speaker,1,All these amazing communication technologies... and no one to talk to...,0.3818,positive,lonely 862,depressed,Life,listener_1,2,I'll talk - pm me literally anything,0.0,neutral,trusting 862,depressed,Life,speaker,3,"Aww, thank you :) I posted this bc it dawned on me that if I wanted to have someone come over and hang out, I don't seem to have anyone to call on irl, lol... It kinda bummed me out. ",0.8074,positive,lonely 862,depressed,Life,listener_1,4,"No worries - I know exactly how you feel - and for me at least nobody will really start text conversations, and unless i say something nobody contacts me at all! If theirs anything you wanted to talk about then talk away, or if you just wanted to vent a bit then I hope that's made you feel a bit better!",0.8279,positive,agreeing 863,depressed,I'm not over it,speaker,1,"I hate that I've been depressed for over 2 years I hate that I don't rest I hate that I can't sleep anyone I hate that I don't want to sleep anymore I hate driving to work I hate that I don't consider my home, my home and just where Im staying and sleep I hate that I can't catch a break I hate that everyday it's a struggle I hate all my friends I hate that I pretend to be happy I hate that I want everyone to like me I hate that I think about my ex at least one every 5 minutes I hate that no one appreciates me I hate that I'm brown I hate that I still love my ex I hate that even though we dated for 7 months, I don't know her at all I hate that I was never present with her and couldn't connect with her I hate that she is the only person that genuinely makes me want to be a better human being I hate that I am so detached from life I hate that she moved 1,500 miles away I hate that the last time I saw her she told me she loved me I hate that the last time we spoke she hung up on me I hate that I still love her I hate that I stare at the last few text conversations we had all the time and want to text her but I don't because she doesn't want to hear from me I hate that I failed with her I hate that I have deteriorated since we broke up I hate that you're the only person I've dated that I wanted to have kid(s) with I hate that you're the only person I haven't second thought our relationship I hate that I started smoking again I hate that I don't know your favorite food I hate I don't know anything about your past I hate that I haven't stopped working since you left I hate that not stopping and letting myself deal with it is all I know I hate being fake with the world I hate that I cry everyday I hate that I bought a automatic transmission car because I knew you needed to use my car for the last 2 days we were in the same state I hate that everything in my life reminds me of you I hate that I wasn't depressed around you I hate that no one cares I hate my life I hate that I can't change it I hate that everyone around me has positivity I hate that I am cynical I hate that I have no one I hate being me ",-0.9995,negative,sad 863,depressed,I'm not over it,listener_1,2,"Well, that was quite a first post. It isn't easy having to live with depression and shitty brain chemistry. It's a bitch and you have to work your life around it. I don't know if you are looking for advice or sympathy, but I will give you a little of both. You wrote that you hate that you can't change and that is one thing I disagree with. Changing is a matter of choice. You can choose to wallow in depression or you can choose to do everything you can to get up out of the dungeon of your mind. Meditation, diet and exercise can do a lot to promote happy chemicals in your brain. Just the very act of frowning releases negative hormones, while smiling does the opposite. So, smile when you're all by yourself for no other reason than it will make you feel better. There's nothing worse than a broken heart for someone who is depressed because it's just harder to bear. The good news is, as time goes by, it will start to feel better. The bad news is is that you are expecting someone to make you feel happy and that will never happen. Your happiness really only depends on you. I'm sure I'm decades older than you, so consider me a veteran at being depressed and wantingto jump off the Brooklyn Bridge. I've been alone much longer than you and I know just how it feels. My family is 500 miles away and my one son is 800 miles away. I have probably been single longer than you've been alive. I have found that 90% of the friends I've ever had in life were out for themselves more than anything else. I don't trust anyone as far as I can throw them. There is hardly a person I know that hasn't said or done something hurful to me, without provocation, because they just don't think. The harsh reality is that we are all alone in this world. No one really cares about us as much as we would like them to. It takes just about everything a person has simply to take care of themselves. If you understand that you have to be self-reliant, it may not hurt as much when people aren't there when you need them. You certainly have a long list of things that you hate. I would suggest you eliminate that particular verb because it is absolutely toxic. Would you drink poison? Instead, try, ""I wish that I didn't feel that I was all alone."" I would also encourage you to make a similar list of the things you love and you are grateful for. I understand depression, but you sound like a bit spoiled. There so many things that you take for granted. You probably don't worry about having enough food to eat, while other people are dying of starvation. When you are depressed, you have to keep fighting with yourself. It's like you're living with an idiot in your head and you constantly have to smack him. Living with depression is pretty much a lifetime sentence, so I won't paint some phony rosy picture. If you want to have even a shred of happiness, you are going to have to work extra hard to get it. I found your post in another sub because I would never willingly want to read about depression. I have enough of my own. One thing that saves me is to use cheerful songs and positive sayings to counteract the negativity. One line I heard that has helped me more than any other is from a minister by the name of Mack Evans, way back in 1981. He said, ""You're going to live, whether you like it or not."" His advice for getting out of a rut was to say, ""I'm awake, I'm alive, and I'm excited!"" enthusiastically three times. Many years ago, there was a song by James Brown, ""I feel good"". Listen to it on YouTube and start singing it out loud all by yourself when no one else is around. One thing I found out about crying, it isn't debilitating. You can cry and go do the dishes. You can cry and go outside and garden. My worst broken heart, I can't even tell you how many months it was until I stopped crying. I know how hopeless you feel right now. It's all just too much and you can't even think. Just going out to get groceries and feeding yourself is a major accomplishment. Take baby steps and reward yourself every step of the way. Now is the time to splurge and spend money on things you like that make you feel better. By the muscle car with a 5 speed. The way I see it, you have three choices. You can jump off the bridge and solve the problem entirely. You can do nothing but continue to wallow in your misery and just have years and years of really barely existing. You can fight back with everything you've got. Somehow, I know that you have ""got it"". ",0.77,positive,angry 863,depressed,I'm not over it,speaker,3,"I fight back everyday. I own a small business, I employee 17 people. I work 7 days a week, 18-20 hours a day. I show up. I do things others can't and won't because at the end of the day, there are people that need there jobs. Families depend on it. I don't want to show up. I want to stay in bed and not leave. I get up, make coffee, and get to work, put on a fake smile and try not to crumble under all the pressure and stress. I've been doing this too long, and cant just change without my employees suffering, bills not getting paid, and destroying my business. I don't days off. Change isn't just a state of mind. It's a lifestyle. And unfortunately I don't have the luxury of changing my lifestyle. I'm sad, alone, depressed, and tired. And unless major changes happen at work, no changes can be made to my lifestyle. I'm giving you excuses, but they are true. I can't take time off to take care of myself. Too many people will suffer. And if the business fails, it will destroyed my ego even more. It's the only thing that I have. And I hate it. It's become my whole life. Everyone says ""that's apart of being a business owner"" but I never see any of my peers working more than 6 days a week, or as long as I do. They take vacations. Go to the mountains for a long weekend while I work. ",-0.9685,negative,faithful 864,depressed,me,speaker,1,I feel like shit bc I think that everything I do is wrong and everytime I try to make someone very close and important to me happy I fail and this make me so useless in life I just want to die,-0.8794,negative,ashamed 864,depressed,me,listener_1,2,"Been there, done that. But usually I succeed in cheering them up by displaying how much I care. Letting them talk to me about everything. Ultimately it lead to me carrying the weight of multiple people, but I truly love these people. In my suffering, I can find comfort in their happiness and satisfaction. Occasionally put in your two-cents and give them advice on certain problems they lay out on the table. But the good part is, they'll trust you. You trust them. A mutually beneficial bond of TRUST. Friendship, good sir. You can tell them your problems too.",0.996,positive,caring 864,depressed,me,speaker,3,"yes I do this kind of things too, try to listen other people and give them advice to sort of comfort them but when I fail I feel like... just useless. I try to notice about everyone close to me but nobody notice how bad I’m feeling in this period of my life",-0.8292,negative,ashamed 864,depressed,me,listener_1,4,"Then tell them how astoundingly depressed you are. Even if I don't know you, the least I can do is prevent you from becoming like me. Just let them know how bad it is.",-0.2732,negative,questioning 864,depressed,me,speaker,5,"I can’t, I’m not able too.... just thinking about me talking about my problems with others make me feel so guilty.... and I don’t really know why also, i never been to a doctor so I don’t know if I’m really depressed... this is so weird My family’s so bad about me because of stupid things and I don’t know how to act.... and I don’t know why I’m annoying you this way I’m feeling like I don’t anymore know anything",-0.9625,negative,ashamed 864,depressed,me,listener_1,6,"Ah, I see. You're scared to tell them because you're afraid of the reaction. Don't be, whatever happens after that is for the better of you.",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 865,depressed,Embarrassing memory that makes me want to kill myself and depressed,speaker,1,"I did something very embarrassing when I was in the 5th grade, my friend in the neighborhood knows of it and it was really embarrassing, I grew up moved to another neighborhood and haven't talked to this friend ever since, but I'm still ashamed of it, now I'm in university my friend came and lived in our neighborhood again!!! And she's in the same university!!! She is kind and nice but I cant look her in the eyes because of that thing, I thought she might forget it but today my sister was bullying me and she mentioned ""the thing"" which led me to anxiety and depression and since my sis remembers then my friend definitely remembers it too, and now she will never look at me the same way again!!! So I decided to avoid her and never talk to her. I can't bear to see someone who knows the biggest fear I have I'm sure it's a horrible decision to befriend her again!! She reminds me of the past that I'm so ashamed of, I've self harmed in the past and I've been thinking of hurting myself again. ",-0.9725,negative,ashamed 865,depressed,Embarrassing memory that makes me want to kill myself and depressed,listener_1,2,What did you do?,0.0,neutral,questioning 865,depressed,Embarrassing memory that makes me want to kill myself and depressed,listener_2,3,so many questions. what could be so bad it's held against you as an adult? i wouldn't sweat it. everybody has stuff we might look back on without the fondest of memories. the reality is most other people didn't notice or don't remember though.,-0.6696,negative,questioning 866,depressed,Help with girlfriend?,speaker,1,"Ok... so I don't know if I'm supposed to post this or not but I need help. My girlfriend has some form of depression to the point that she needs to feel something in order to get rid of the numb feeling that she gets. She refuses to see a psychologist because she's super shy in front of one and etc. Before someone says, ""leave her"", I am not going to do that. I love her a lot and refuse to. I just want to help her out, I'm debating whether or not to tell her parents but then they'll make her see a psychologist and that wouldn't help because of her reasons. Just... please someone help me with something. Tips or advise. Anything is appreciated, thanks Edit: just told her mom... hoping for the best",0.985,positive,faithful 866,depressed,Help with girlfriend?,listener_1,2,"No one on this subreddit is going to tell you to leave her. Having depression does not make you a bad person. I see your edit, and you did the right thing even if your girlfriend gets mad. She needs help, and the longer she waits, the worse she will get. The one thing everyone says who gets help is that they wish they would have gone sooner. A lot of people have problems talking about their issues, but she needs to chose whether or not she wants to continue living this way or go out of her comfort zone for a bit in order to help herself. A good way to prepare for an appointment is to write down whatever she is feeling, anything she wants to say, why she wants to get better, what are things on her mind... pretty much anything and everything. Do it in bullet point form. Bring that paper along to the appointment. She can use it as a reference, or if she gets desperate, just hand it to the psychologist or therapist. ",0.9528,positive,trusting 866,depressed,Help with girlfriend?,speaker,3,"Thanks a lot for the insight. Sadly she broke up with me last night, or at least temporary. ",-0.4019,negative,sympathizing 866,depressed,Help with girlfriend?,listener_1,4,"Without you going into detail, I can guess she's either mad at you for telling her mom or wants to take time to work on getting herself better. If it's the latter, you understand. If it's the former, then that would have been a road you would not have wanted to travel with her. As I said originally, having depression does not make you a bad person. But it is still on us how we treat others and how our actions and emotions affect those we love. Depression might be an explanation, but it's not permission. Just as being drunk might be an explanation for being an ass, but that doesn't make the situation ok. So if she was mad at you for talking to her parents, and she refuses to seek help for herself (which is common since people are in denial of how bad they really are and how much they need to accept help), she is only going to get worse and you'll be severely affected emotionally as well. So if she broke up with you for telling her parents, she is in denial and is not in a place to be in a relationship that would be healthy for either of you. While I know you had hoped your caring, empathy, and actions would be greeted with relief and thanks, unfortunately most people with depression will fight tooth and nail with excuses of why they don't need help. But trust me, you did the right thing. ",-0.78,negative,trusting 866,depressed,Help with girlfriend?,listener_2,5,"If you come back together... Remember to take care of yourself. I used to have a girlfriend with plenty of issues and a brutal depression. Trying to help her became an obsession, and it consumed me. In the end she was the strong one who forced me away, because I had become an empty husk and she didn´t want to hurt me more. Took me years to get back on my feet. You can´t take care of someone if you let yourself get trapped on it. You can´t help anyone if you´re the one who needs help. Whatever you do - don´t forget yourself.",-0.6808,negative,trusting 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,1,"I sat at work today all day, and couldn't wait to get off. I got home and I'm going to wait until tomorrow to wake up and hope I don't call into work because I'm so depressed I cannot get out of bed. The only time I get out is on Fridays to play poker, get drunks, and buy drugs. If I didn't have money to gamble, drink, or get drugs... I'd have no friends. I've also been epileptic since I was 13, over 100 grand mal seizures I'm so pathetic I cant control them I just dont give a shit if I fell and didn't wake up",-0.321,negative,lonely 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,2,"can't fucking talk to a single girl, or another person to make friends because I know I'll have a panic attack",-0.5106,negative,afraid 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,3,Did you consider moving elsewhere and start all over again from scratch? Think about it... ,0.0,neutral,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,4,"I don't think it would do anything as I can't make any friends with anybody here... I would be so scared to make friends in a new city, away from any family.",-0.4931,negative,afraid 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,5,I guess you live in the USA right? Where exactly. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,6,"Canada, in the suburbs, so I don't even know city life, if I could even afford to live there comfortably. ",0.4215,positive,lonely 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,7,"Well, you won't believe how things are different elsewhere. Try to challenge yourself and move out of your own world. Is there a place you would like to visit? ",0.5994,positive,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,8,">Well, you won't believe how things are different elsewhere. Try to challenge yourself and move out of your own world. Is there a place you would like to visit? Just reading some of the posts on this sub and saw this thread. I want to move somewhere else but I'm still in uni , never worked, and don't have the financial resources. Also, I would agree with spidey...you can't really escape yourself, now can you? I never had a friend..im in the USA ... Though this moving away is perhaps my last glimmer of hope I have left in this sad life",0.3549,positive,agreeing 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,9,Heaven.,0.5106,positive,hopeful 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,10,Nah. Not worth yet. How old are you? ,-0.2654,negative,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,11,I've grown a custom to the activities so yes I like them. I hardly know what it's like to sit in with a pretty girl and watch a movie on Friday night instead of doing other disgusting things.,0.8203,positive,content 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,12,I like playing poker for this reason you meet a lot of new people. I want to go get piano lessons there's a music store not far away but I just have no initiative to do it anymore.,-0.128,negative,apprehensive 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,13,I'm 26,0.0,neutral,content 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,14,"When I was 27 I've dropped everything I had. I moved to another country, different language, I knew no one. That was the best decision of my life. It took 5 years but after that I saw the world around me with wider eyes. You need to change your routine. That is what pulls you down ",0.25,positive,lonely 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,15,">I've dropped everything I had. I moved to another country, different language, I knew no one. That was the best decision of my life. If you may answer: how exactly were you able to just drop everything and leave? Did you have the money ? You left for what country? And from where? USA too? How's it going for you now? Still there?",0.3939,positive,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,16,Any better? ,0.4404,positive,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,17,How do you know if you don't even try? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,18,From Italy. To USA. With just 1600 dollars in my pocket. ,0.0,neutral,proud 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,19,They just let you in? What about a job or career?,0.0,neutral,questioning 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,20,Oh didn't catch this comment you made...yeah I don't like big cites..,-0.2755,negative,neutral 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,21,I don't as well. But big cities give you more possibilities. Try to adjust your aim and get the best out of what you have around you. ,0.7501,positive,jealous 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,22,I actually want to move out of country one day,0.0772,positive,hopeful 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,23,"One step at the time. Build up your ""escape route"" from inside your place after you can walk with your own legs ",0.1779,positive,prepared 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,24,"I'm still in university and I don't even know what I want to do after. I don't work, don't know how to find a career being so much of an outcast and loser..",-0.4767,negative,devastated 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,25,"You cannot run if you don't learn how to walk first. Get a job. Any job. And save some money, even just a little. Then you start from there. ",0.4939,positive,confident 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_2,26,"I'm stupid, I can barely handle the classes even though I'm not working, I'm just really tired from depression and loneliness..also I don't drive but I do have a license...that's how much of a loser I am",-0.8854,negative,ashamed 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,listener_1,27,"Listen, I don't know even have a university degree and I made it. Give yourself a chance. ",0.25,positive,jealous 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,28,"alright, got laid off from work because I told my supervisor I was depressed and wanted to die... I begged to stay but they don't seem to care at the Canada revenue agency. I'm on anti depressants now, and they don't seem to do anything but then again I sit at home all day and do nothing with no motivation for anything, my employer thought that would keep me from killing myself. ",-0.9574,negative,angry 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,29,"Its just not that easy for me. If im alone I will have a panic attack just trying to sign up. I had to get batteries the other day and couldnt find them. Took me like 5 minutes to get the courage to ask where they were, and now ive been thinking the clerk was looking at me like.. what is he doing? What an idiot, ever since. I dont feel like adding the gym or dance class to my painful sleepless nights",-0.8725,negative,anxious 867,depressed,im so lonely i want to die,speaker,30,"I wanna say im doing alright but really I just got cheated on by a girl I was seeing that i met in the apartment building i moved into, I'm behind two months rent because my medical pay was only 15 weeks. But I told the girl to get out of my life because all she does is drink and sneak behind my back to go have sex, or just constantly begs for sex... seems like an ideal relationship for some people; not me. I'm back at work now, but the look on the landlords face seems like she wants to find any reason to kick me out, and I dont have a way to pay for another first and last months rent so I'm stressed in a panic once again in my life. Oh and the cherry that tops it off is that she cheated one with one of my friends, and I seen his car parked literally in my parking spot (i dont have a car) and go to her place without even talking, or saying hi to me. Great... I lost a friend because if I invite him over he comes and leaves within the hour to go next door. Untill she gets bored of him, but he doesnt even care.",0.7132,positive,faithful 868,depressed,I did a thing today.,speaker,1,I visited a psychologist today and talked about how shit i feel like 6/7 days of the week. I am proud over myself and so fucking scared that i told someone things i havent told anyone in my life. When i was waiting in the waitingroom i was so nervous that i was close to puking. But i did it! Why doesnt it feel better at all?,-0.785,negative,anxious 868,depressed,I did a thing today.,listener_1,2,"Unfortunately, depression doesn't go away after the first session. You made the first step which is amazing but now is the time for you to do the work, with support, to overcome this illness. I hope they gave you some tools to work on. I knew I had the right Psychologist for me when on my first session she got me to write out some of my self deprecating statements, then cross them off and write the truth. For example: I'm so lazy my house is disgusting and I hate myself for not having the energy to clean Truth: I find keeping my house clean a difficult chore Statement: I hate myself for being so stupid Truth: I make mistakes like every one else This gave me a physical action right away that made me feel like I was getting somewhere. The goal is to eventually learn not to make these self depreciating statements. ",-0.9082,negative,trusting 868,depressed,I did a thing today.,speaker,3,Thanks for writing. It was an evalution meeting so i didnt get anything to work with yet. She just made me promise that i wont do anything stupid during the time i go there. And it sounds like a really good start to do you got! How are you feeling today?,0.9255,positive,trusting 868,depressed,I did a thing today.,speaker,4,That sound smart. I dont know at all. They gonna call me but there is a waiting line she told me :/,-0.3071,negative,acknowledging 869,depressed,Am I Depressed,speaker,1, Sorry if this has been asked her before. I just feel down in the dumps a lot of the time. Idk why I do. My friends and some family members and reading history makes me happy. Nothing else really makes me happy. I assume I will fail or suck at most things. I don't have high confidence in anything for the most part. I've been like this for a long time. I don't know what to do about it. ,0.193,positive,sad 869,depressed,Am I Depressed,listener_1,2,"You sound pretty low. Everyone gets depressed now and again but if this is ongoing it may be time to talk to your family, a therapist or a doctor to see if treatment is an option. I wish you luck. Reading the stories of others on this thread and feeling like I'm not alone has really helped. ",0.9195,positive,wishing 869,depressed,Am I Depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you, i found this subreddit not too long ago and i agree it feels better to know I'm not alone ",0.8243,positive,agreeing 870,depressed,a tired soul,speaker,1,I just miss home every minute of every day.,-0.1531,negative,lonely 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_1,2,"Hang in there, things are sent to try us and make us stronger ",0.3818,positive,consoling 870,depressed,a tired soul,speaker,3,Thank you for taking your time to write. Hoping things would get better soon.,0.802,positive,wishing 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,4,"not only is this absurd, no religious stuff on here or you will be banned. ",-0.6369,negative,agreeing 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,5,huh?,0.0,neutral,questioning 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_3,6,"Off topic, but I'm dealing with depression among other issues, and I noticed how there are quite a few depression subreddits. I have a subreddit newly started , less than a week, called r/friendless_help/ which not only deals with being friendless, but also depression, social anxiety, loneliness, etc. I don't know exactly where I want to go with this, but I would like to have other posters. I was wondering if you could put my subreddit in the list of additional related subreddits, or something. I wouldn't know where it would fall though. It's not just about friendless, it has similar themes related to what I said above. I could put your subreddit to my list as well, though I only have around 40 subscribers. I'm sure there are some people who are depressed who has no friends, anxiety, loneliness. Thanks for reading.",-0.9699,negative,suggesting 870,depressed,a tired soul,speaker,7,religious stuff? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,8,"I was replying to the person who said ""things are sent to try and make us stronger."" That's religious nonsense. ",-0.0258,neutral,annoyed 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_4,9,_Thank you for taking_ _Your time to write. Hoping things_ _Would get better soon._ &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ^- ^mebabo ------------------------------ ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^made ^^by ^^/u/Eight1911. ^^I ^^detect ^^haiku.,0.802,positive,grateful 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_1,10,"How is this religious? My intention was to provide support, and was referring to the challenging world we are living in. Have some respect and don’t go throwing around idle threats",0.5574,positive,faithful 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,11,"well, it's not an idle threat as I am a mod. And what you said is classic religion nonsense. But even if we somehow try to take the religion out of it (though who would be doing the sending of these things), it is still absurd. You can say getting through challenging times can help make you stronger through lessons learned, but to say you are made to suffer for some cosmic reason in order to make you stronger is absolute nonsense. So if your ""test"" is the death of a loved one, was the loved one sacrificed (because according to you ""things are sent"") in order to help *you* become stronger? Seems like a callous disregard for life and a self-centric point of view. ",0.9548,positive,neutral 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_1,12,"Again, my intention was to provide a support, not to pander to some religious trope. As a mod I would expect you to take this into context, or at the very least ask me was that my intention was. You can see from my history I have no interest in trolling or otherwise. ",0.0567,positive,faithful 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,13,"Sure, I'll add it to the list.",0.3182,positive,agreeing 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_3,14,"Thanks. It's pretty saddening, I'm the only poster. Ironic? Given the subreddit name... I only have mobile so I'll add your subreddit to my sidebar on Monday when I'm in school... Though I have very few subs, so it won't make a difference in helping your sub, sorry..",0.5106,positive,sympathizing 870,depressed,a tired soul,listener_2,15,"it takes a while for a sub to grow. In the meantime, answer posts on our subreddit. Often people will take a look at where else you have posted or commented and check out those subreddits. That's how I found this subreddit that I now moderate. ",0.0,neutral,neutral 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",speaker,1,"I need help, seriously. This year I’m 29, have been since March. It’s been a year of miracles and destruction. I got my weight down to 152 lbs, all the way from 247 lbs. I rode in an air plane for the first time, went to my first NFL game, dated a beautiful girl, quit using marijuana... and then ruined it all. My gf dumped a week before we had major plans for her college graduation (Masters). And it all went downhill from there. I quit counting calories, I stopped working out as much, I hate the weight I’m gaining and yet I’m content, I quit everything... But things kind of turned around. I got a great job that pays well, has awesome benefits and let’s me have a bunch of free time. Here lies the problems. ALL I WANT TO DO IS EAT. I CANNOT COBTROL MY HUNGER TO SAVE MY LIFE. I’ve gained 20 lbs back and I cry everyday but can’t stop stuffing my face. I have no fire or motivation to workout anymore, even though I’ve completely lost my 6 pack. All I WANT IS SUGAR!!! But as soon as I eat or get high all I feel is shame and regret. Can anyone help me? I know I’m a piece of shit. I want to get my fire back!",0.8462,positive,devastated 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",listener_1,2,"Low fat foods, I think? There are foods that can fill you, but are low in calories. Also, habits do better than motivation, create habits. Also maybe go to the gym with a few friends Sorry if I sound like an emotionless doctor, I've never really dealt with anything of the sort, in fact, I'm the complete opposite, I never feel hungry, I don't taste tastes, I don't want to eat. I just think this is the right thing, and I can't really incorporate emotions into that. Sorry, weird. Good luck. Much love :)",0.9837,positive,disappointed 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",listener_2,3,"Lowfat foods are the *worst* and double shit for dieting. Fat is what makes food taste like food. When you take fat out of food it tastes like nothing, so lowfat alternatives have to be loaded with sugar. Sugar is what actually causes your body to store fat. So lowfat foods do the exact opposite of what they are trying to sell you.",-0.5719,negative,angry 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",listener_3,4,why not? He clearly has it. It's gone for now. He can bring it back and embrace it! I know it can look childish.,-0.3506,negative,agreeing 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",listener_2,5,"Willpower is finite. It breaks. Trying to or not to do something through pure willpower is guaranteed to fail at some point simply because humans themselves are not infallible. It's much easier to set up your environment to minimise the failure. Also, the mindset is dangerous. If you try to rely on pure willpower and you drop the ball you can spiral out into, ""oh god why am I such a failure?! I'm such trash. I'm not good enough. God, other people can do this shit easy. Why can't I!?"" And you're back to square one with you're bad habits *and* your emotional well being. Accepting a stumble and moving past it is much easier when you aren't crapping on yourself. So, I strongly believe that instead of relying on willpower OP ought to change his environment",-0.9045,negative,disappointed 871,depressed,"Will someone, anyone help me?",listener_3,6,"Yes you are correct, I didn't tell the man to go 100% I want this, that would be dumb , like telling a cigarette addict no more! You were a navy pilot , you can do everything , yet still fail. I'm telling him to start with small victories. Such as , I wanted today to eat, but at one point I said I don't really want it, and give up for the day one time. Maybe come again later. But the fact he managed to stop himself once was great.",0.3035,positive,impressed 872,depressed,My life will be over in half year,speaker,1,So I think I will end my life. ,0.0,neutral,sad 872,depressed,My life will be over in half year,listener_1,2,What will happen in your life in half a year?,0.0,neutral,questioning 872,depressed,My life will be over in half year,speaker,3,"I have to move out from the US, but have nowhere to go",0.0,neutral,lonely 872,depressed,My life will be over in half year,speaker,4,"Originally from Japan but I don't have family there. I'm researching how can I get a working permission in Canada, UK, Germany, etc ., I start getting confused and I can't process any information right now",-0.4497,negative,anxious 872,depressed,My life will be over in half year,listener_1,5,Sounds like a difficult time for you but you have to believe that there will be a solution. There has to be a place where you can live.,0.4497,positive,acknowledging 873,depressed,I want someone to see through my facade,speaker,1,I just want someone to ask me if I'm okay. I just want someone to care. ,0.6908,positive,caring 873,depressed,I want someone to see through my facade,listener_1,2,Are you ok? What is going on in your life? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 873,depressed,I want someone to see through my facade,speaker,3,"I think I'm ok now. I'm just feeling very overworked right now, and very tired. It makes it harder to cope with the depression that's sort of always lurking in the back of my mind ",-0.7172,negative,content 873,depressed,I want someone to see through my facade,listener_1,4,"I'm glad you are doing better for the now, but sorry you are in a fight you didn't pick. Depression is hard to battle but is a battle that can be won. Keep up the fight and if you need to talk pm me anytime. I'm not always around but I'm around a lot.",-0.3925,negative,sympathizing 873,depressed,I want someone to see through my facade,listener_1,5,"Nice out look, keep up your good works.",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 874,depressed,i just need to talk to someone other than myself,speaker,1,"i’m utterly exhausted. i feel like my heart is decaying, and i just wanna sleep the rest of my existence away. i have literally overworked myself to the point of collapsing every day this month, i’ve attempted bullshit self care tactics and i feel worse than ever. those things were good distractions for about a month, because they were productive. i was ignoring my life while also supposedly bettering myself. then my friend texted me out of the blue and asked me how i was doing, and the facade came crashing down. i’m doing awful. no amount of yoga or prayer is going to fix me, i’ve been depressed for as long as i can remember and i’m only 17. my parents made my childhood a living hell, and they show no signs of stopping. the only thing i currently look forward to is cutting them off, but other that that i have next to nothing to live for. i’m not suicidal though, i love my dogs and the stone roses and my friend that accidentally destroyed my facade. they’re my top 3 (and possibly my only 3) reasons for breathing right now, but whatever at least i have reasons. thank you to anyone who bothers to read this 🤙🏽",0.8804,positive,disappointed 874,depressed,i just need to talk to someone other than myself,listener_1,2,"Sounds like you need a heck of a vacation. I used to think about moving somewhere, starting a simple life and just being. Maybe tend a bar in Oregon or New Mexico. Just leave the stress and the bullshit behind, read some books-ya know?",-0.6486,negative,suggesting 874,depressed,i just need to talk to someone other than myself,speaker,3,"That's what I plan to do. I'm saving money to move and go to a community college, and then I guess I'll have to take out some loans to finish up my bachelor's. I have a stupid fantasy of just throwing everything in a bag and running out right now, but I have a couple siblings I need to sort things out with. Anyway, yeah you're probably right, I feel like it would help a lot. ",0.8126,positive,acknowledging 874,depressed,i just need to talk to someone other than myself,listener_2,4,"That sounds like a good plan. And if loans is what makes it possible, then they're the right choice. Until then, is it possible to spend more time away from home - like maybe having sleepovers at said friend of yours? Just something to get out of the house, hang out with people you like (or take extra long walks with the dogs).",0.9118,positive,suggesting 875,depressed,Just want to share how I feel.,speaker,1,"Hi guys, I just want to tell someone how I feel. I'm 23 year old man in senior year of college living in a 3rd world country. English is second language for me, so forgive my english please. I've never been happy since I left high school. I'm really depressed at the state of my life right now. I just don't know how I ended up here. I hate to wake up in the morning, I always wish that the night never ends when I go to bed, nothing seems to motivate me, I've given up on my ambitions. I've always been single, never even had a close friend, I cannot confide in people. I was not like this 4 years ago, I used to be an athlete, I was very optimistic about life. Then I broke my knee, later I was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis, been living on painkillers for the last 3 years. I feel tired all the time because of the disease, but I'm used to it now. I took a job which I don't like just for money. I really worked very hard to get into this university, I really worked hard in college too, but I'm seeing myself settling for whatever life I get drifted into because my health is failing and I can't work like I used to, I'm always in pain. I'm continuously trying to distract myself playing video games, reading books. But as soon as I give myself any free time, I feel like I'm failing my family who helped me through everything. My parents are always worried about me, that's very painful for me. I wish I could just die in some accident ,Suicide will be too much for my family to bear. I'm also a very sensitive person, I get hurt very easily, even small setbacks shake my world. I go from 'I failed at this' to 'I'm never gonna accomplish anything and end up homeless and dead' in seconds. ",-0.9956,negative,sad 875,depressed,Just want to share how I feel.,listener_1,2,I would concentrate on completing university and then work on your other issues; atleast you will have school out of the way.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 875,depressed,Just want to share how I feel.,speaker,3,thanks friend,0.7269,positive,wishing 876,depressed,Really fucked up today,speaker,1,Good leaning experience.,0.4404,positive,impressed 876,depressed,Really fucked up today,listener_1,2,Wanna share a bit more? :),0.6697,positive,questioning 876,depressed,Really fucked up today,speaker,3,"Honestly, sorry, but not now. I guess I made a bad joke, that wasn't taken as a joke. It happened like an hour ago, so I'm a bit spooked.",0.6059,positive,afraid 876,depressed,Really fucked up today,listener_1,4,"Don't worry, I just asked so that if you wanted to open up you'd know there was someone to listen :)",0.6604,positive,trusting 876,depressed,Really fucked up today,speaker,5,"Don't worry about it really. Glad to know there are still good people trying to help out. I vaguely remember subbing to this subreddit because I've been way deeper in the hell hole. I want to help even if I don't remember how bad it was I vaguely remember not feeling regret anymore, and never wanting to go back. If you're free for a while we can talk. About w/e really, though PM please and thanks. :)",0.9728,positive,acknowledging 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,speaker,1,"Sorry this is going to be long and I understand if no one actually reads it but I just want to get it out of me. Today is a bad day. Sometimes I have days that aren't as bad, but I can't say I have good days. Today I just want to cry and for what reason I don't know. Well I kind've know but it's never just one specific thing. It's always a pile of things that have no resolution. I am not happy with my life, but if I try the thing that I think will make me at least content comes with far more unhappiness before it gets better. And how do I know that decision will really lead to me being happier? I don't. That anxiety of not knowing what will come of it is what is keeping me from making the decision. I wish there were a way I could do a trial run and make sure that's what I want but this is real life and there are no 2 week free-trials. So here I sit, writing a post that will get me no resolution, but it feels good to just get it out of my head. The worst part is I can't help but feel like the only thing keeping me from enjoying the life I have is me. And don't get me started on how lonely I feel. I have no friends to distract me from this unhappiness and I don't foresee making any, any time soon. Any attempt I have made to make new friends has failed even when I thought it went well, they never talk to me again. Seriously what is wrong with me that everyone I try to connect with just cuts me off? I have a boyfriend of over 4 years and a best friend across the country who find me to be a great person so why do I have no luck now connecting with people. I have a huge heart and care for everyone and everything around me, I have a great sense of humor and am open to just about anything. I have no problem finding jobs and would like to think of myself as a decently educated person. What am I missing? What am I doing so wrong in these interactions that every person I've met never wants to talk to me again? At this point I think I'll just have to be ok with never having friends. ",0.9214,positive,sad 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,listener_1,2,This is the weirdest thing but I've been feeling the same. My friends live far away my best friend live thousands of miles away. I just started a new job where I don't really know anyone. I'm a pretty sociable person but I don't know I just can't seem to make friends close by. I've never been to this sub before but I've been feeling pretty down lately. Anyway just know there are people feeling the same. ,0.9888,positive,lonely 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,speaker,3,"Thanks for the response, it's at least a bit comforting to know that others have these feelings too. ",0.6808,positive,acknowledging 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,speaker,4,Ive kindve gotten to the point where if people want to be my friend they will try and if they don't then I don't want them to be my friend anyway. Sounds sort of snide but fuck why should I be trying so hard and no one giving a shit?! Guess for now I just focus on me and hopefully it will attract more people that want to be friends. It's nice to hear others are in a similar place as me. ,0.3243,positive,trusting 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,speaker,5,"Thanks for this comment :) I hope youre right, but for now I'm just gonna do me and hope that people come around eventually. ",0.8294,positive,consoling 877,depressed,When will things start to go right?,speaker,6,"As humans we are pack people and thrive the best in social interactions. When you isolate yourself, you only perpetuate loneliness and depression. I know its hard to get out there and make friends but it's necessary for your survival. Do you not have any family? Even if I had 0 friends, I still have family to hang out with. Lately I've had a little success with doing Meetups around my area, at least those you start with a common interest so you have something to talk about. I don't love every event I've tried, but it makes me feel at least a bit accomplished to know I put my neck out and gave it an effort. Look into joining local sports teams in your area, I know a lot of cities have co-ed kick ball teams and other sports where you can have fun and meet new people. Don't focus on trying to make a best friend right away, start with acquaintances or even just a conversation with a coworker. Even finding yourself a nice café where you can people watch for a little and maybe ease drop on others conversations and when you feel like its the right time, nicely interject and add something to the conversation. You have to start somewhere. As for finding a girlfriend, have you tried any dating apps/sites? And if you think you're too ugly or too boring then do something about it!! Take this time alone to perfect yourself as much as you can! Get in shape, get a great haircut, get some new clothes, pick up a hobby, learn a new skill, etc. To a degree, we are in control of our own lives, so take control of what you can and the rest will fall into place. ",0.9925,positive,lonely 878,depressed,I miss her,speaker,1,It's been 9 months. We were engaged. 4 years down the drain. Im fucking lost.,0.0276,neutral,devastated 878,depressed,I miss her,listener_1,2,That’s rough I’m sorry you’re going through this I could never imagine that much pain and heartbreak. Have you tried seeing anybody?,-0.8074,negative,sympathizing 878,depressed,I miss her,speaker,3,I hit up some old friends trying to reconnect with my roots. Ever since i got kicked out it's been lonely. My oldest friend wants nothing to do with me ever since he took her virginity. He feels like im out for revenge but i just need someone to be here for me. My family cut me off when I got kicked out of rehab. I feel like im loosing myself.,0.3716,positive,lonely 878,depressed,I miss her,listener_1,4,Damn. That really sucks I’m sure your friend just feels bad for what he did and seeing you would just remind him of how shitty of a person he feels he is I’m sorry about rehab do you currently have a job?,-0.7981,negative,sympathizing 878,depressed,I miss her,speaker,5,Yeah. Atleast i have that. I appreciate you for taking your time to respond to me.,0.5994,positive,acknowledging 879,depressed,Dumb analogy. But it helped me.,speaker,1,"Last night I was sitting on my deck. Alone. Listening to music and drinking a beer. My mind was so full of fog and despair I don't know how it caught my attention. This butterfly was being pushed around in a pretty heavy breeze that afternoon. And the entire time the wind was pushing it, the butterfly still remained on course. It just took it longer to get to its destination. Now in my mind, I would have given up. Sat on the ground sulking that the wind was against me. But this little guy, fluttered and batted its wings about not giving a shit. That's my life right now. I have all of this wind from my past to my present pushing against me. I feel like I'm terrorizes by it sometimes. In my mind it's what holds me down, keeps me unmotivated, dead and grey inside. The tiniest thing against me wages war in my mind. But maybe it's just life. Maybe the wind is life and I'm the butterfly. Either I keep making progress - no matter how little - or I let it control me and pushed whichever way it wants. I need to start batting my damn wings. Fly away from this fog in my head.",-0.9579,negative,sad 879,depressed,Dumb analogy. But it helped me.,listener_1,2,Good. Flap your wings. Keep that motivation before it's gone and you end up like me: Alone and severely depressed. ,-0.128,negative,neutral 879,depressed,Dumb analogy. But it helped me.,speaker,3,I am alone and depressed. I'm trying everything I can to claw out. ,-0.6486,negative,lonely 879,depressed,Dumb analogy. But it helped me.,speaker,4,I'm glad it helped you. :),0.7184,positive,acknowledging 880,depressed,If I say goodnight let it be the final time.,speaker,1,Release me from this mortal form. Ive suffered enough. The lines in my arms show my path. I wish i could accept the darkness. It calls to me. But i won't listen. It beckons but i deny. I wish to live the lie. For if i dont. Then i must die. The world to end is my desire. Lust and love my only fruit. To live for you. My only truth.,0.8151,positive,faithful 880,depressed,If I say goodnight let it be the final time.,listener_1,2,"like poetry. but don't die. even if i htae my life too if i can prevent someone from dying i'll do it. pls, watch anime and find happiness in something.",0.9094,positive,neutral 880,depressed,If I say goodnight let it be the final time.,listener_2,3,">things will get better I understand that you mean well, but I hear this way too often. Depression is not like a simple cold. Some will get better, but sadly many never will.",-0.7240000000000001,negative,consoling 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,speaker,1,"I feel like letting go of all this pain, im just some fat piece of garbage. Theres no use in being alive at this point ",-0.2441,negative,sad 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,listener_1,2,What is wrong,-0.4767,negative,afraid 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,speaker,3,Just feeling very down and out :(,-0.34,negative,sad 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,speaker,4,"Hey, it's okay that you're talking aboit yourself, everyone needs to let out their feelings! I'm so sorry that you feel that way, I am pretty sure I have depression, my sadness gets worse everyday and it for sure seems like my family and my boyfriend just want nothing to do with me... idk a lot has happened and ofc i don't want to plaster all of it for the world to see but I look at myself and just get disgusted at what I see. Do you ever find yourself like wondering if you'd be better off just running away from it all?? ",0.4349,positive,ashamed 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,listener_2,5,Yes i do. Alot. But we hang in there somehow. Lets hope things get better.,0.8608,positive,consoling 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,listener_1,6,How long have you been feeling like this,0.4588,positive,questioning 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,speaker,7,Well it's on and off for a few years. Nothing serious,0.32299999999999995,positive,neutral 881,depressed,I think tonight is the night,listener_1,8,It is serious if it makes you feel this way. Have you researched forms of meditation? Or spoken to your doctor? I follow the book of iChing and that helps me a lot.,0.3939,positive,apprehensive 882,depressed,I’m afraid of going on medication,speaker,1,"So I’ve known for awhile how depressed I am. Years actually, but I always just dealt with it. Its getting to the point that between depression and anxiety, I just cant do it on my own. However, I am so afraid of taking medication to fix this. Can someone please give me some advice or personal stories of how going on antidepressants had worked for them. ",-0.743,negative,apprehensive 882,depressed,I’m afraid of going on medication,listener_1,2,"Yes. Atleast 4 years now, I have taken zoloft everyday at a high dosage. 80 percent positive results with 20 percent negative, and even then, side fx are more or less the same body issues that come with normal day to day living, with or without meds. Try a small dosage for 3 months as a definitive commitment. After 30 days, the medication will boost serotonin and atleast improve your ability to experience more productive moods.",0.9022,positive,faithful 882,depressed,I’m afraid of going on medication,speaker,3,"I barley even like taking Tylenol for a headache. I would rather just drink water and ride it out if I can. Im mostly afraid of the possibility of it making me more depressed,or making me gain even more weight. I know its going to take time and it is trial and error, I just don’t want it to take too long and this gets worse. Im planning on going to therapist as well. Im going to a doctor next week to talk about this and make a course of action. Im just feeling very vulnerable and fragile at this time. I’m nervous and scared, but I am doing the right thing.",-0.2724,negative,apprehensive 882,depressed,I’m afraid of going on medication,listener_2,4,"Yes, you are definitely doing the right thing. If you want to put this in terms of a headache to help better understand, what if your headache was daily, monthly, yearly (as your depression as been)? It impacts every aspect of your life. Would you still hold on out taking medication? Same for depression. There's only so long you can ride it out before you are just going to fall apart. If the med makes you feel worse, or if the side effects are depressing you more like weight gain, then it's time to try another med. >I just don’t want it to take too long and this gets worse. Well, if you don't start now, it will take even longer. And doing nothing will take longer and make it worse. So starting treatment, though it may not be immediate, will be the fastest way to get better. It can definitely be scary to start into the unknown, but as you know, you are doing the right thing. If you do nothing, then nothing will ever get better, and will most likely get worse. So you have already set out on a path to making yourself well. And my recommendation is always to see a psychiatrist for medication and a plan of action rather than a family doctor or internal medicine. Psychiatric treatment and medication is their field of study, so go to the professional.",0.4484,positive,agreeing 883,depressed,depressed.. warning this is a long rambling about me complaining about my life. is probably confusing,speaker,1,"whatsup. i feel like shit. think i had depression past 4 years, getting worse and worse. At first i thought i just had bad anger management, short temper.. but i read up on depression and being unmotivated to do anything and im pretty sure im depressed. I used to find fun(???) in games like league or csgo, but i think i'd been playing for moments where i do great and people are like ""wow, omg"".. think i just wanted to feel good, instead of actually getting any fun from the game itself. I was always pissed off super easily and got mad from 1 mistake and whatnot, slam my fist onto the table.. I used to be really nice person. As a baby my parents said i was super quiet and never cried out during the night and was never complaining and stuff when i was hungry. I was always kind and super considerate, always listening, never talking alot or taking attention, always understanding without putting out my problems too. After 5th grade my life went down hill. Pretty sure i started getting depressed after I got 1 B+ after having A's the whole year. Then my mom sold my shit computer (don't think my parents are bad, they were the best parents i could have.. its just me, she sold it. well gave it to a relative because I was wasting away my life and bein addicted to games which i guess i found 'pleasure, recognition, relief from the outside world' which ofcourse they didn't know.. it just looked like i was addicted to games and wasting life away) which i basically lived off of after i started being depressed. Oh yeah, i read lots of books, had a high lexile (basically like points for how well my vocab or reading skills are.. funny cos im using terrible writing in this post. 800 being average for like 6-8th grade. I had 1100 to 1300. Read books on the buses all the time.) I never told anyone, put out little comments here and there every now and then, but never told anyone how i really felt. So things got worse every year, i get pissed when i play games, but play games everyday anyways. Want to do my homework, become the good student i used to be being an (almost) all A's student.... but still recently i feel like shit, barely get any homework done at the very last second half-assing it, got 3 tests to study for that are in 3 days, and 2 projects one due tmrw but i didn't even start it and its late at night and im making a shitty reddit post after just making an account after reading some posts on depression on reddit. My life seems like no problem compared to my friends who had hard parents, or something.. but for me.. im in the biggest shit hole and i can't escape. Im afraid of the dark but am completely surrounded by it without any light no matter which direction.. literally i feel like a useless shit. Started reading Catcher in the Rye or smthn in English class, turns out Holden's life (main character) is shit too.. everyone is a phony in his eyes, always acting and not being themselves, he got kicked out of 3 schools.. self defense mechanisms being something like wearing a hat to cover up his head when he feels vulnerable (the hat is a hunting hat, and has ear flap type of things), denial or regression (which is actually my homework that i should be doing along with my projects but i'll do it when i wake up or something tmrw, oh yeah i goto school at 6:35am. Makes me hate everything even more.) It makes me think of myself, im prob such a phony too. At school im somehow able to put up this barrier that covers up how i really am, always nice and whatnot still, also considerate like going out of my way to get some notebooks for friends or supplies. Though im completely alone here with no real 'friends' since this is a new school i just came to after coming back to states. Im really off topic i guess.. but i just feel terrible, no motivation. stuck in complete darkness while im afraid of the dark, no idea how to move on.. Don't tell me to goto the counselor.. that'll never happen. (i actually am afraid of the dark, i feel like theres weird creepy tall monsters in the dark that stare at me.. even though i know there aren't.. i end up imagining and start seeing them in the corners and stuff. like my lamp post became hella creepy last night.) Did i tell you i see shapes and make something out of everything? A random pattern, and i can make out faces or objects.. creative brain or something i guess.. but it really sucks when it comes to scary thoughts..... rambling again.. i should goto sleep. oh yeah i wanted to say this earlier.. but my self defense mechanism would be like blaming everything else for my crappy life.. or saying if i had money this would be easier, i wouldn't be so mad if this and that. ""Why can't anything.. just ONE THING go the way i want.. just ONCE in my life."" is what i say alot to myself. another note i thought i should add (I rarely talk unless someone starts talking to me) thanks for reading this completely random, rambl-ey crappy post about me.. this is probably really confusing to everyone.. Hey i have problems being social and talking you know.. honestly.. 10/10 would probe kill myself if i didn't have a family that loved me. life sucks so much i can't even press the ""Im not a robot"" button to upload this post.. gdi NOTHING can go the way i want it. got it to work, needed to re open page after copying everything *ended up adding more.. can't sleep im such a friggin procrastinator *sigh*, even with the sleep(the one thing i look forward to i guess for now)that i love most* just to add to this post.. After 6th grade, i remember when i'd cry like crazy and scream in my head because i couldn't figure out what a fucking ""summary"" was. Even after searching definitions all over the internet and stuff. so much stress.. even tho i was such a good student i got F in PE/Health cos i didn't do fkn daily summary homework. (I knew wat summary was by then) (I was depressed and ended up not giving a crap since then) and i always felt that i dont 'have any real friends'.. i ended up resorting to anime.. just binge anime like whole seasons.. watched 400 episodes of one piece during a summer. (literally sat and watched it on my phone all day not doing anything) and i have no sexual attraction to any human, I like fictional characters (i think im anEsexual)). I cry to myself blaming life for being so unfair. Going back to the 'not having any real friends' after watching anime or tv shows.. characters would notice when the main character is going through trouble, so I'd always be waiting for people to notice or anything that i was probably in depression.. for someone to help me and accept me even if i do the worst things. I ended up getting more depressed because that 'person' that would notice... never showed up. I was never noticed.. just.. there. Although i knew everyone and everyone knew me since i lived in the same area for 12 years (which i blame for not being able to socialize well).. i don't think i'd ever had. 'real friends'... rarely go out and hang out (prob went out and hung out no more than 20 times total in my whole life. Excluding play dates or something when i was in preschool or something. how do i get out of this infinitively deep hole. that has no end to its depth.. and again completely dark.. i just wish, that i'd meet my one source of light, the one person that will save me from my darkness. But i will prbably die and not exist for a millenia before the source of light appears. I can only wish, that the one person, the one small light enveloped by enormous amounts of darkness, will save me from my peril.",-0.943,negative,afraid 883,depressed,depressed.. warning this is a long rambling about me complaining about my life. is probably confusing,listener_1,2,Workout it helps a lot ,0.3818,positive,acknowledging 883,depressed,depressed.. warning this is a long rambling about me complaining about my life. is probably confusing,speaker,3,If im able to find motivation too lolol,0.34,positive,agreeing 883,depressed,depressed.. warning this is a long rambling about me complaining about my life. is probably confusing,listener_1,4,Never forget- pain is an illusion. You are eternal. ,0.5216,positive,agreeing 884,depressed,my heart is broken,speaker,1,"I've been playing dota for almost 4 year, because of some close friends i started this game. My total is almost 5000 hours. I dedicated myself to this game, practiced, struggled, earned 800S from bets, played with almost all luxery items, I played nice not like tilted asshole and did my best all the time. Today I realized I'm not even having fun it just became work for me, MMR became so important for me. When I first calibrated i was 600 then 1 year later i was 1600, it seem fun to seeing yourself improving. Then one year later i was 3000. I dont see myself as a pro but I think I should be atleast happy about my mmr, I think I could be 4000 already but fuck it. This week i played like 20 games to give dota one last chance, I did what we needed, I stacked, I tp'ed mid for save, I carried, I tanked, I tried every role... and I believe I was pretty good. This is the problem, I teared my ass apart but fucking riki roam farmed battlefury, my fucking support wasted less money on wards than me, my carry pushed like a disabled pony and mid player abandoned game in min 15. Everyone knows picking meta heroes, talking like pro, flaming but noone knows this game neither do I. I've seen so many good russian players, nice turkish players and even I made some good friends who I talk once a week. But this shit need to be end, some of you may say ""stfu man you are noob"" i don't care. This game is not about picking necro and feeding mid and calling gg, this is a team game which occurs a great part of my life but 900 commend chances nothing. I could be someting else. Now I'm nothing and I lost my 200 day for nothing. It's over for me ""gg""",0.9936,positive,disappointed 884,depressed,my heart is broken,listener_1,2,TL;DR I lost a few games and now think I'm depressed.,-0.6808,negative,sad 884,depressed,my heart is broken,speaker,3,"I have lots of game which i didnt even tried, I think I should listen to you. Or O can just stop gaming and be more social idk",-0.4364,negative,suggesting 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,1,"Everyday feels like a struggle. I don’t see a point in living if we all are just gonna die. I constantly think about death and it gives me anxiety to the point I don’t want to do anything ever. Even when I do something that distracts me, the thought of whats the point of all this seems to come out of nowhere. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just ant to go back to being happy.",-0.765,negative,apprehensive 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,listener_1,2,Do you think reality can be different than what it is?,0.0,neutral,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,3,I feel alone too. I feel like no matter what I do or where I go no one can help. I try talking to people and even tho what they say sounds good. I can never escape my own thoughts.,0.5119,positive,lonely 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,listener_2,4,"same, someone once said that where ever people loves you that is your home, but now I can't even feel ""loved"" at home. ;-;",-0.4346,negative,neutral 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,5,"I like that, but why is it you cant feel loved at home? ",-0.5376,negative,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,6,"Of course, reality is based on how you perceive it.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,listener_1,7,"Facts are still facts though when it comes to mathematical laws, irrefutable physical laws, and then phenomena which are observed to be consistent enough that they are almost irrefutable. Our perceptual filters are strong influencers, but they cannot change basic facts like impermanence or the cyclic pattern of material objects.",0.6597,positive,neutral 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,8,Have you heard of solipsism?,0.0,neutral,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,listener_1,9,Yes. ,0.4019,positive,agreeing 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,10,Lets say for instance that is real. Then what could you really base reality off of if its all subjective? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,listener_1,11,Certain concepts are not subjective in how the term implies almost total dependence on interior perspective. Facts are facts.,0.2732,positive,confident 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,12,Facts are subjective interpretations of informations. Life is all about the mind and perspective. ,0.0,neutral,neutral 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,13,What is it you want to do in life?,0.0772,positive,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,14,"Back when you were a kid and adults would ask you what you want to be when you grow up, what was you response?",0.0772,positive,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,15,I like to do photography and make all types of art. Do you have things you escape to that help relax you?,0.8316,positive,questioning 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,16,"I feel the same way at times, I found the other day going out for walks helps me clear my mind. I take a few photos while Im out and getting feedback on them really started helping me stay positive. You just got to find that one thing you can dive deep in with all your passion.",0.9228,positive,confident 885,depressed,I don’t see the point in living.,speaker,17,I been doing some studying on the brains. They really are fascinating and its crazy all the things our brains have the ability to do.,0.5688,positive,impressed 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,speaker,1,"She’s been asleep wasted since 9PM for an hour now. She was supposed to have a drink or two with colleagues and join me for dinner and a movie afterwards. She passed out after dinner. I sometimes feel like she’s a stranger these days. The connection, trust, feeling that I know her diminished, I was mean to her when I realized she’s going to pass out, (since I felt like I was being ditched) she didn’t really seem to care that I was upset maybe because she was too drunk or maybe just didn’t care. I tried to feel bad that I was mean, but couldn’t; since she was passed out seemingly without a worry. Everyday I am irritated by something she does. I used to love her everyday. Now I feel she’s distant. She doesn’t seem to believe things will get better, nor do I. I am not able to decide on the effect her presence have on my life. I am afraid of missing her and I am afraid of being alone. I was quite happy by myself before I got in this relationship. Was the time I spent with her worth the pain that’s impending? Things maybe aren’t so bad to justify breaking up, Yet I want to be through this as quickly as possible. I’m afraid of the pain and regret. And then there is splitting living spaces. All the furniture is mine, should I give her sometime until she buys stuff. We are both on the lease will she make me pay at least half the rent if I don’t live here anymore. And sometimes I still feel like maybe everything will be resolved between us, and everything will be alright. The breaking up idea wasn’t this solid until a week or two ago. But I feel more irritation than love. I feel alone. ",0.3126,positive,trusting 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,listener_1,2,"As an alcoholic, I never understood why anyone would stay with me. There is no ultimatum, person, or promise that can beat alcohol. The only thing is self control.... when I am depressed self control = what's the point? She may have been sensing those feelings. As I did. I figured my spouse was going to leave me, might as well just try to be numb.",-0.5719,negative,lonely 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,speaker,3,It might be the case,0.0,neutral,suggesting 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,speaker,4,"Not really, actually quite rarely, but I feel like she finds ways to keep the distance.",0.5023,positive,neutral 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,listener_2,5,"I would ask her directly if she really wants to be engaged. Also, being traditional, I would evaluate a partner for their ability to raise a family and help maintain a safe household.",0.8625,positive,trusting 886,depressed,Relationship with fiancee spiraling down,speaker,6,"I did multiple times, she consistently says she wants to",0.0,neutral,prepared 887,depressed,I took the last two days off work because today is my birthday. I haven't been this sad in a long time.,speaker,1,"Throwaway account. It's my 38th birthday. I'm not a sad person, generally speaking, but the last few days have been really hard. I took my last two work days off to make some plans and enjoy some me time. I realized that aside from my girlfriend I have no friends nearby. Acquaintances but no friends. I used to be very social, but I guess some things changed over the years, and I just don't have many people in my life that I'm close to anymore. My girlfriend of seven years has been mad at me for three days, and the only contact I've gotten from her is two text messages. Even these were just answers to my repeated texts. All I did was apparently answer her phone call the other day with a short tone in my voice, which I explained was due to her being an hour late for lunch, causing me to get in a bad mood because, you know, hunger and all. I think I need to break up with her. My family wanted to take me to dinner tomorrow night, but I lied and made up an excuse so I don't have to see them in my seemingly unchanging depressed funk that I'm in. I love my family, but we're completely different types of people, and us spending time together always something of a chore for all of us that we all do anyway every once in a while. But I just can't do it this weekend. And that's OK because it's my birthday, right? I guess I'm just kind of bummed that no one seems to care that it's my birthday. I don't usually care about things like this, and I know it must seem petty to you as you read this. But I make a big deal out of my friends' (acquaintances?) birthdays because I like making people feel good when I can. I suppose just some acknowledgement from somebody... anybody... would be nice. I'm upset with myself because there are people in the world suffering though some really awful shit right at this moment, and here I am feeling sorry for myself. I'm a bigger person than this. Most of the time, anyway. I'm tearing up as I write this. I'm just sitting alone at my house, watching reruns on Netflix, on my birthday, waiting a couple hours until it's a reasonable time to go to the bar and be a sad drunk for the rest of the day. Pretty pathetic, I know. I'm not sure why I'm writing all this out. Maybe just to put on paper why I think I'm sad so that I can analyze it more coherently and work through it. I don't want anyone's pity because I'm a proud person and that won't make me feel any better. All I know is that I don't like not being in control of my feelings for three days straight now, and I want this weekend to be over so I can go back to work and occupy my mind with constructive things. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. ",-0.9538,negative,lonely 887,depressed,I took the last two days off work because today is my birthday. I haven't been this sad in a long time.,listener_1,2,"I notice you said your family wanted to take you to dinner for your birthday and you lied so you didn't have to go. Next paragraph you state nobody cares it's your birthday. Wake up man! Your family cares. They aren't nobody! I've have major life altering depression since my teenage years and you know who was there through all of my self loathing, pathetic episodes? You guessed it, my family. They aren't perfect either and not who I would've chose if I had gotten the chance but they love me flaws and all. I bet yours do too. Even though you don't feel like going to dinner I think you should. Remind yourself you're not alone and people care about you very much. It might help. Anyways, you're not forgotten and you're loved. At least you have that. Happy birthday. ",0.9738,positive,disappointed 887,depressed,I took the last two days off work because today is my birthday. I haven't been this sad in a long time.,speaker,3,Thank you very much. Your reply is very appreciated.,0.7264,positive,wishing 887,depressed,I took the last two days off work because today is my birthday. I haven't been this sad in a long time.,speaker,4,"I'm really sad to hear about how you think your friends may not like you. We're good people, I think. Most of us anyway. You just need to find us. I know it's hard to do, especially at our age. But there are resources out there, as another commenter described below. Will it work out? I don't know, depends on the person and their situation I guess, but we only have one life, and it's worth trying as far as I'm concerned. Life is hard, unpredictable, all those other tropes. I consider myself lucky in that I don't suffer from prolonged periods of depression, even though I am at the moment. Which makes me feel guilty, because I know there are lots of good people who struggle with this every day. I know what it's like to not be where you expected to be in life, whether it be professionally, personally or both. I've been lucky in the past year to find an employer that appreciates my talents and tolerates my weaknesses. But for most of my life I've been where you are now. All I can say is that I hope it happens, whatever it is, to you soon, because you were kind enough to spend your time writing back to a stranger on the internet. Believe it or not, there are employers out there who want empathetic people working with them. Thank you for taking the time to write back. It really means a lot to me right now. I hope you can find what makes you happy. Let me know if you ever need to talk. PM me here and I'll send you my contact info. Might be good for both of us :)",0.9936,positive,hopeful 888,depressed,Love to get depressed -_-,speaker,1,"HI, During my engineering life, I got into games and got addicted so much that I lost my whole self. Now I am no fun, I dont chat with anyone even with a girl who loves me. I play games and watch porn and every weekend after office, I spend 2-3 days in isolation getting fat playing game dota 2 or something(more than 5000hrs of dota) and eventually getting depressed at end of week. I live alone even though I have home near by and access to friends, I dont know why I dont feel I like I belong here or something. I always wannabe something I am not. I stopped being fun , happy and excited about anything in life. I am being not so affective at work and depressed and watch a lot of porn too. What do I do ?",0.5653,positive,lonely 888,depressed,Love to get depressed -_-,listener_1,2,"You know what you have to do is get out of the cycle. Stop playing games and start off by writing a list. Write where you want to be and what you want to be and keep the list with you at all times. Write an inspirational quote on there too. Only you can change you, if you start now then your already on your way to change ;) Stop watching porn, it portrays an unrealistic scenero that most likely would never happen in real life and generally just makes people feel even more worse about themselves (after feeling good for a few seconds lol) because they don't look like or perform like the porns actors. Just think you are the only person that can change you, if you think you can you can , and if you don't try you can never succeed! Good luck I hope you find your happy ;) ",0.826,positive,hopeful 888,depressed,Love to get depressed -_-,speaker,3,Thanks !,0.4926,positive,wishing 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,speaker,1,That summarizes how I feel every morning before work. I hate it. ,-0.5719,negative,annoyed 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,listener_1,2,"When my depression was really bad I just felt empty inside the whole time. like i never even had a heart. now i don't really know how to describe it, I managed to find things that gave me a purpose ",-0.3804,negative,lonely 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,speaker,3,It's frustrating. How were you able to find those things?,-0.4404,negative,questioning 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,listener_1,4,"Life experience. I stopped hiding from everything and got out, tried new things. For me getting physically fit made me feel better about myself and made me more confident",0.6997,positive,confident 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,speaker,5,Thanks for this. I was super fit before but gained weight due to binge eating. I’m not that heavy but my confidence has lessened even more coz of it...,0.9186,positive,acknowledging 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,listener_2,6,This is very important. Go out there and live. Be human. Have fun. Break your everyday routine and be adventurous. You'll get more enjoyment out of your day to day life which should boost your morale.,0.9244,positive,excited 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,speaker,7,Thanks for this!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,listener_1,8,Start quite easy and then try to build up,0.4927,positive,neutral 889,depressed,I constantly feel heartbroken,speaker,9,"Hi, thanks for the suggestion. I have tried this some years ago but didn’t stick to it.",0.2382,positive,acknowledging 890,depressed,Really bad anxiety at the moment and I just need peoples opinions..,speaker,1,"I know some people may find this stupid but this is affecting me really badly atm.. So recently one of my friends in my friendship group, lets call him ""Jack"", had a physical fight with this other boy that we don't really know. A teacher came over and took him away to SSB (not sure what it stands for but its where people are put alone in a room during lessons and stuff) and basically as a defense he started saying that its all because of the other two people in our friendship group and that they always 'do this' and that they bully him and stuff, not once has he mentioned and still hasn't really mentioned me as a cause. But he's not wrong the other two in our group always pick on him and stuff and sometimes do physical things but then Jack does it back to them as well so it's more or less equal. I don't bully him at school or anything like that I don't like the idea of ""hurting"" people. So I've just assumed that it hadn't anything to do with me because I'm not a cause for him getting upset but a couple days ago we got called out of our lesson and had to speak with our deputy head about the situation and they'd printed off something i said as a joke to Jack on one of our facebook group chats all the way back in may, so like 6 months ago, and showed it to us and said that his parents had looked through and seen what we put and stuff and that they were crying about it. I was quite shocked that Jack had mentioned the thing i said on the groupchat because I remember the day after I put that I had talked about it with him in person and I thought we had settled it. Also another thing brought up is that I apparently sent him ""death threats"" when I think I said something like ""lol lets kill jack"" as a joke because I knew he could see our messages but that he couldn't reply because his phone was broken or something. But basically apparently his parents can contact the police about it if they want and I just feel sick about it because I don't want the police to get involved because then my parents will think whats happened is serious and I don't like hearing the phrase that I sent him ""death threats"" because that sounds more vicious like I'd sent him something like ""I'm gonna kill you with a knife >:("" kinda thing, he's also blocked all communication on social medias with us and doesn't go to school anymore. I don't know, I've already been feeling quite down recently and this whole situation really hasn't helped at all and I feel like I'm gonna have some type of break down or something.. I'd just like to know if you think the police would even do anything about this or if you think its nothing to worry about at all or you think I should be punished severely for stuff that he does back to us anyway?",-0.9903,negative,ashamed 890,depressed,Really bad anxiety at the moment and I just need peoples opinions..,listener_1,2,All of this is very complicated but you can overthink it. Would you say that Jack is the one in the group who get's picked on by the others more than anyone else because he is the weakest? ,-0.6652,negative,questioning 890,depressed,Really bad anxiety at the moment and I just need peoples opinions..,speaker,3,Yes. Me and him equally I’d say.,0.4019,positive,agreeing 890,depressed,Really bad anxiety at the moment and I just need peoples opinions..,listener_1,4,Maybe he doesn't see it that way and thinks you pick on him as well. He might have been hurt later by things that hadn't hurt him at the time,0.122,positive,suggesting 890,depressed,Really bad anxiety at the moment and I just need peoples opinions..,listener_1,5,Having a talk with him would be good and you asked him how he felt ,0.4404,positive,suggesting 891,depressed,Gf doesnt know if she wants me or her abusive ex,speaker,1,"My girlfriend has an abusive ex that has used her in every way possible, he has done terrible things to her, unspeakable things. She is with me rn and hasnt been with him for a while, but today she tells me she doesnt know if she wants me or him and tells me she still loves him. He doesnt deserve her and she wont tell me who she wants over the other. Im severely depressed rn. I want to break my legs and bleed. I love her with all of my heart and to see her want to be with the shittiest person ive ever met, kills me. I am considering leaping from my 2nd or 3rd story to break my legs. This is the worst thing that couldve happened. I dont know what to say or do. I am too afraid to tell her my exact thoughts, that will only make her pull away from me. I dont know how i feel anymore. I was extremely upset prior to writing this and now that i am i feel numb. I have just learned this about 10 minutes ago and i am in a very dark place and need advice. Please help me... i need someone rn and i have no friends except her and like 2 others. ",-0.9113,negative,sad 891,depressed,Gf doesnt know if she wants me or her abusive ex,listener_1,2,"I know it hurts like hell right now but Impulsively trying to hurt yourself isn’t going to solve anything. I think regardless if you’re afraid of pushing her away, you need to sit down and talk to her. Just be honest and sincere about how you’re feeling, especially when it comes to her ending up with an undeserving douchebag. ",-0.7964,negative,sentimental 891,depressed,Gf doesnt know if she wants me or her abusive ex,speaker,3,"I was honest and sincere with her and we seemed to have solved everything. She and i talked about her feeling and why she has them and how she felt towards me. We talked about how he portrayed an image of himself that was false and how thats who she fell in love with. She admitted that by herself and talked about if i was out of her life and she was with him she wpuldnt be happy, she said she would still love me and not be able to let me go. She seems to have cleared her mind on what she thinks and wants to be with me.",0.9702,positive,trusting 891,depressed,Gf doesnt know if she wants me or her abusive ex,speaker,4,"Thank you, this post really helped. And just because you havent been in a relationship doesnt mean i should take your opinion with a grain of salt, 2 months ago i was in the same position, and i appearantly gave really good advice to people that helped most of my friends in their relationships like you just did here. Also about the self harm, i have helped her stop feeling the need to, she hasnt felt the need in a while and she seems to be really happy lately. So thats good news.",0.9264,positive,agreeing 891,depressed,Gf doesnt know if she wants me or her abusive ex,speaker,5,"Thanks thats really helpful, i have a lot to consider",0.7178,positive,acknowledging 892,depressed,This helped me a lot!,speaker,1,I’ve been quite low the past few months but this helped me allot! It’s a long video but maybe it will help you to! Cheers and have a nice day! https://youtu.be/zcng6WRK7uE,0.9114,positive,suggesting 892,depressed,This helped me a lot!,listener_1,2,"""This video is unavailable"" =(",0.0,neutral,annoyed 892,depressed,This helped me a lot!,speaker,3,"Yeah, I wanted it to show to someone the other day, and I got the same thing. Sucks",-0.0772,negative,disappointed 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,speaker,1,"I don’t want to be me. I don’t want to deal with the fact that I cannot get rid of my depression, anxiety, awkwardness but I can only learn to control them. It’s not enough. I really want all of them out of my life. I wanna be not prone to jokes because people think I’m awkward and it’s obvious when I’m anxious. I have a magnet to bullies too because I’m so quiet. I think people see it on my face that I am not outgoing at all which makes me more likely to get left out of things. I hate my anxiety because it makes me careless and care too much at the same time. I tend to overthink things, but when I’m not doing that things fly over my head like I don’t have common sense. It makes me do dumb mistakes at work that could have been avoided if I had spent a little more time analyzing something. I fucking haaaate myself. I wish I could just kill myself and get it over with so I don’t have to deal with this shit. I am so tired and low all the damn time. I’m about to go to sleep. I hope I die in my sleep tonight. I also feel like I’ve been letting myself down coz I’m a weak shit. I give up easily on things when I get criticized. I feel hurt right now. I just wanna stay in bed and sulk. ",-0.9957,negative,ashamed 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,listener_1,2,When do you like yourself or enjoy activities?,0.6908,positive,questioning 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,speaker,3,I guess when I’m doing things I am good at. When people tell me that I am good at what I do (this sounds like I depend on other people’s validation. Maybe I do?). When I’m with my SO.,0.8074,positive,trusting 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,speaker,4,I hated school as well for the same reason. Were you bullied? It’s what caused my social anxiety I think.,-0.836,negative,questioning 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,listener_1,5,"It's ok to enjoy validation if properly framed...like with colleagues at work...or a scientific journal publishes your paper. But yeah, imo, narcissistic supply is a helluva drug. There is a wikipedia article on it.",0.6705,positive,agreeing 893,depressed,I really don’t like myself right now.,listener_2,6,"Yeah, though that doesn't happen much anymore. I'm in college, and while there are a few upfront jerks to you, the bullying I get is from the annoying ones outside.",-0.7579,negative,neutral 894,depressed,Anyone with depression have a few NDEs and are wondering why they're still here??? And anyone feel like they're just faking it everyday???,speaker,1,"I've been suffering with MDD since I was a child and am still wondering what it feels to be ""normal"". My relationships have been destroyed from it, and I've lost so much money due to ""treatments"" and other holistic b*llshit I've tried. I feel that I have nothing to lose or gain anymore in this world (since everything in this world is turning to sh*t due to politics and greed), and I've been through it all, including death. I know life is suffering and pain, but how much can one endure. I've had about 3 near death experiences and I've just about had it. I have outrightly told people close to me that I wish I had died those times. I also feel that I'm just faking life now...always trying to find a reason to live and care about others. I had a cat (who was my sole companion)...and now am not allowed to have him back (my family took my cat in because I was hospitalized so many times). Why care about others when you don't even care about yourself anymore. My last option is to join some support groups. Anyone else feel the same? Thanks for reading this.",-0.6920000000000001,negative,content 894,depressed,Anyone with depression have a few NDEs and are wondering why they're still here??? And anyone feel like they're just faking it everyday???,listener_1,2,There's always a reason to move forward. You might not see it now but I hope you do in time. ,0.5927,positive,hopeful 894,depressed,Anyone with depression have a few NDEs and are wondering why they're still here??? And anyone feel like they're just faking it everyday???,speaker,3,Thanks. I'm trying to hold on and find a reason to continue. Nothing really brings me joy anymore except sleep. I just hope all my efforts aren't in vain. ,0.9041,positive,hopeful 894,depressed,Anyone with depression have a few NDEs and are wondering why they're still here??? And anyone feel like they're just faking it everyday???,listener_1,4,You're not alone in this. I'm a stranger but I am here for you ,0.0951,positive,faithful 894,depressed,Anyone with depression have a few NDEs and are wondering why they're still here??? And anyone feel like they're just faking it everyday???,speaker,5,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 895,depressed,Antidepressants,speaker,1,"I feel as though my pills have just stopped working and I'm on a downhill spiral, not eating, feel worthless and useless. Going doctors today.. I'm just so empty",-0.5662,negative,sad 895,depressed,Antidepressants,listener_1,2,Glad you're going to the doctor,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 895,depressed,Antidepressants,speaker,3,I'm not sure what to say ,-0.2411,negative,apprehensive 895,depressed,Antidepressants,listener_2,4,this person is saying they are glad you taking the steps to go to the doctor and try to help yourself.,0.6908,positive,neutral 895,depressed,Antidepressants,speaker,5,Thank you so much for taking your time to write this for me x,0.3612,positive,grateful 895,depressed,Antidepressants,speaker,6,Thank you so much. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 896,depressed,I Want To Die,speaker,1,"The only thing keeping me alive is an overwhelming sense of guilt. I couldn't put my family through the pain even though I rarely talk to any of them. For years I haven't. Except my mother...and if it weren't for her I would. But it feels so cruel to keep living when you hate existing. Wanting to die from a debilitating physically illness is a widely accepted thing...at least among people I've met. Why not mental illness? Because of my mental illness I've lost all of the people in my life that brought some happiness into my life so, I'm lonely. Everyday. For the past month I haven't left my bed much. I've hung out with people once or twice and I was either so terrible to be around because of my mental stuff, and people end up separating themselves from me. Truly, I feel like those abused animals you see that don't know how to be around humans. They desperately want love and affection but when someone gets near them they push them away. I guess I'm venting...but I also want to know: -If you feel similarly, how do you cope? -If someone has felt suicidal from a mental illness that hasn't gotten better over a long period of time, do we have a right to tell them not to end it? I DON'T condone suicide because so much can go wrong...but there are countries that have assisted suicide. As an American, I wish we had something similar. What are your thoughts? Thanks. ",-0.9813,negative,guilty 896,depressed,I Want To Die,listener_1,2,"Its funny how every single person is unique, and how we are different in so many ways even having different reasons to why we think we want to die. i dont know what mental illness you have, but regardless of it id say keep on living. Weve all been put here on this world of suffering and even though it sucks in countless number of ways, there is a silver lining. Each person lives because in their own way they have a reason each to their own. Its up to you to find that reason whether its for yourself or to help others. You are responsible for your own happiness life is a gift and its up to us our ownselves to make the best of what time we have with those around us or where we could be or how we could effect others that we dont even know. Ive been there and suicidal it comes and goes, but it does get better. You just have to become strong mentally and physically and you will find there is everything to live for. Everyone in this world is constantly fighting lonliness, you are not alone. Get out of bed and go for a run, clear your senses. We all have a place in this world",0.9532,positive,grateful 896,depressed,I Want To Die,speaker,3,"Thanks for responding. I've read your response a few times...going for a jog doesn't shake my feelings of wanting to die...and I don't know if you're suggesting that because it worked for you, or if you don't know what to say? I'm interested in what has pulled people out of this feeling, or if they see some validity in my earlier statement regarding assisted suicide. I've been feeling this way for more than half my lifetime. That's not a quality life. And even if I'm functional (which I am for the most part) not enjoying ANYTHING is heartbreaking. ",-0.5101,negative,apprehensive 896,depressed,I Want To Die,listener_1,4,"Well i can briefly go over what i felt, it may not be the same. Although i was in a similar situation where i would not leave the bed. I stayed up til the sun would rise and question my existance, followed by sleeping in and not getting out of bed when i was concious simply because why? why should i get out of bed, what is the point. I also didnt enjoy anything anymore and would wallow in my dellusional depression. And no i never pulled myself out of this feeling. However i researched into how i could reduce it and work through it. The begining is never easy because you just wont believe it. But for me one day i just did and i did. i eat healthy and exercise 6 days a week, i read and learn more so i could find more purpose. I dont have the purpose yet, but the routine has certainly made me get out of bed and made me stronger mentally and physically. It works. Science has proven it, thats why i suggest you run. its just the first step really. And its not about motivating yourself, you just have to do it. I am not fixed, but im trying. I think everyone can too",0.4727,positive,neutral 896,depressed,I Want To Die,speaker,5,Why do you call your depression delusional? ,-0.5719,negative,questioning 896,depressed,I Want To Die,speaker,6,"""Dudette"" here! Thanks so much for your response. I will check it out, for sure. And I agree...I wish more of us could meet each other. I've tried Meetup but it's still hard to find a community willing to accept you even though so many of these groups were founded on the idea of not feeling accepted. I didn't feel accepted because of my combo diagnosis, and was told to look at other groups several times despite me having that illness. And when a group leader tells me that, I don't even WANT to attend that group anymore because of the stigma certain illnesses have should be less prevalent in the mental health community. *sorry for the rant.",-0.8731,negative,agreeing 896,depressed,I Want To Die,speaker,7,Thank you for replying. This has been comforting. I’m sorry to hear about your ex...I hope she’s able to somehow find some comfort. Mental illness is so tough. :(,0.3876,positive,sympathizing 897,depressed,Bald,speaker,1,Wanna share my story. Started balding at 15- possibly due to stress. Turned 20 and recently came across nofap and sites that show theres a link between excess masturbation and hairloss. Used the wanking as a cope for the stress I was going through. Now i can't leave my apartment without a hat on. Second year of uni and apart from a hand full of mates no one's seen me without a cap on. Really sucks.. `shave it and own it ` is pretty hard when I'm the only one my age that's nw6. Pretty ugly and social anxious as well so life keeps me down. Don't know what to do don't think medication will work and surgery won't restore a full head of hair if I had the money for it. Just want to be a normal 20 year old and not have to worry about looking 20 years older. Anyone else completely bald up top by 20 that can share their experience ,0.4285,positive,embarrassed 897,depressed,Bald,listener_1,2,Honestly it's not that bad. Tons of really awesome successful people are bald:),0.9363,positive,acknowledging 897,depressed,Bald,listener_2,3,I have had women choose another man over me because they shaved their head...shave your head. Can't be worse than balding.,0.3724,positive,jealous 897,depressed,Bald,listener_1,4,"Yep. All the men in my family have been bald and they were/are married or in a long term relationship so I don't think it affects dating much. I'm not there yet but my brother is already going bald at 18 and he's totally at peace with it. I guess it's more of a mental thing than anything else. Not many people want to go bald but it seems like people think it's worst than it actually is until you're there, then you realize it doesn't matter at all:)",0.4448,positive,jealous 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,1,"It was Sunday the 8th of October. I was with the one I've pined over for 16 years. She liked me, but she told me she didn't want any pressure. And I pressured the ""beep"" out of her. I constantly thought it was my cancer that pushed her away, or my online profiles. But in the end, it was just me. I'm so sorry N. So i quit smoking, and I quit smoking the old razzle dazzle. It's not in hopes to win her back, but instead it was to further my health. To clear my head and to start dealing with my depression. Its been a while since I was in the hospital, but, in the end, its hanging over me with the weight of 2 worlds. I've enamored over this girl ever since I was in grade 12, I'm now 32 and it feels like the world is crumbling around me. In the end I know I'll be fine, as suicidal thoughts have come and gone before, but this is the first time that they have come over a girl. What should I do, follow her more, be persistent? Or just leave her be, and hope that she will find someone who will let her live life to the fullest? This is all I really want, but I'm also sure that I could do that for her. This is the worst I've felt since the doctor told me I had cancer 11 years ago. What should I do? ANY and ALL responses would be welcome. So do your thing reddit, I've been monitoring this site for a while, so I know how it goes when people put their hearts on the line. Give it to me, I'm ready.",-0.3841,negative,ashamed 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,listener_1,2,"You sound like a nice guy, that has come out of an awakening. And i congratulate you for quitting smoking and the old razzle dazzle. And unfortunely no, i dont think the time is now to chase after her. I think from your awakening you can do more. If you think she deserves to live life to the fullest, dont you believe you can be a part of that and live to the fullest with her? If so, you should work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself you could EVER possibly be, get everything in order, your life, health, goals and make HER your goal. And when youve finally achieved the best version of yourself only then can you justify why YOU are the one she deserves to live life to the fullest with. You can do it, and the faster you do it the faster your happy ending will come to you. ",0.9666,positive,wishing 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,3,"Thanks friend. I also play the drums, yesterday we had a band practice, and I've never played so smoothly. Everything seems so clear. I used to smoke a bucket full of cigarettes, and at least 3 or 4 dubes a day. But I can already see the results coming in. I still need to deal with my depression, but that will come in time. But yesterday everything rushed to me like ""why was I such an idiot before"". I'm seeing everything clearer. I can now see a light at the end of the tunnel, and boy am I running toward it. ",-0.4281,negative,confident 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,4,"I know with depression comes setbacks, but I think I'm finally on my way to beating it.",-0.7469,negative,hopeful 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,listener_1,5,"im just like you man, i had days where i couldnt get out of bed just laying there feeling like dirt. and yeah theres always set backs, and you just have to fight it. But dude youre a musician!! Not only are you clean now, youre cleaning your soul with music as well. And thats great. Setting goals, and doing what you love, thats what its all about. Id suggest exercising frequently during the week too if youre up for it, doesnt have to be super intense but starting a habit for it will help your journey (scientifically proven to relieve stress/ fight depression). But yeah i think youre good, your response tells me that you know what to do now. im happy for you",0.9874,positive,agreeing 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,6,"I know, remember to breathe by dashboard confessional is one of my fav songs. Thats like my motto; Just Breathe. It just sucks because my bandmates are all like me, well, like I was, and what's worse is that one is married, and the others have longtime gfs who don't care what they do as long as they love them. I catch myself looking at her pictures all the time...in the 3 days since the breakup.",0.8211,positive,jealous 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,7,"Depression has won. Yesterday. I'm alone. And I will be alone for the foreseeable future. I didn't message her because she told me not to. But if I had a gun, I would put blanks in it and clear the clip to my temple. ",-0.1779,negative,lonely 898,depressed,It was all my fault. I realize that now. Adri,speaker,8,"I goto the gym 3 times a week. But yesterday was hard, I broke down after a set. I just started crying, the most embarrassing moment for me. People came to see what was wrong with me, I just got up and left...I couldn't even tell anyone, and now I'm afraid to go back today, but I will. Its depression keeping me down. I gotta fight through it. Its hard, but I know I will continue to fight until I don't breathe anymore. That's all any of us can do. When life knocks us down, it's important to get back up and say FUCK YOU. Keep moving, keep desiring, keep dreaming. Because I've realized when you don't, you die. ",-0.9853,negative,ashamed 899,depressed,I need help before I go crazy,speaker,1,"Hello. I usually don't do things like these, I don't like asking for help, but I feel like I really need help to get back on my feet. And I apologize for the new account. I don't like to go personal on my usual. (And sorry it's so messy) Okay.. man, I have no idea how I'm supposed to say this. I'll just try to let out all the problems so just ask for further details. I apologize for bad formulation. Male, 21. Used to live with mom, now with my brother, baaarely contact with father since I was born. No contact with him anymore. I used to be popular and have many friends. Been feeling fat for as long as I can remember(still do when I know Im not, 60kg and 180 cm), and I always thought I had an eating disorder. But my mom didn't believe me, because I was 'normal' looking. I work in a grocerystore as the cashier, but I'm really shy. This helps a lot on my confidence, but often when I get home I cringe so much over all my mistakes and how awkward I might have acted. Next day I'm just as shy. I slowly isolated myself, stopped going out and lost friends gradually from around 14 years old to now. Been trying to selfhelp since I was 15 to now and read psychology books while going to a therapist(just about 4 times) at age 16. researching and googling so much I've made myself hypersensitive and incredibly anxious to everything. I somehow seem to always expect the worst and often in social situations I always feel as if they're talking shit about me or laughing of me behind my back, or is mad at me. Even when everyone here is really nice. I take almost everything personally, like, I made dinner for me and my brother. I usually give him a tiny bit more just to be nice without him seeing it. Then one time I accidently gave myself obviously more and he joked like 'What, why do you get that many?', it really got me for some reason and I just scooped over half of my plate to him. Now I ALWAYS give him more, more because I don't want it to happen again. I love him though, and we talk a lot and is bestfriends, don't get me wrong. I just mean I even get offended by my own brother.. when. he. jokes.. I also say I'm very introverted, which is not true. I'm just never comfortable enough to be myself around others. I honestly can't imagine myself with a girlfriend, because I'm too afraid to let someone see my body. I haven't had a single compliment about my look from anyone around my age for over 2 years, barely met anyone new, and now I feel as if no one finds me handsome at all anymore, and it's tearing me apart. I need to start to work out due to my back starting to hurt from sitting, and I honestly know I feel great after a workout, but the few times I've gotten enough confidence to hit the gym I've constantly felt incredibly uncomfortable and awkward. I managed to work out at home a couple weeks, but at home everything else seems better than excercise so I quickly slipped off. I've been trying to change my habits actively with little luck. And it ends up with me becoming feeling more shitty about myself for failing to keep the habit. I feel like I'm becoming worse every day and there's so much, I don't know where to start. So hopefully any of you could help. Thank you everyone who took the time to read, especially those who take the time to respond. It's late so I'll most likely sleep, but I'll check this first thing in the morning. Again, thank you all. ",0.9831,positive,sympathizing 899,depressed,I need help before I go crazy,listener_1,2,"I'm a super introverted 19 year old male, and I'm not really an authority on any of this stuff but it sounds like you need to become more confident in yourself (Easier said than done haha...). You should pick something you enjoy doing and get really good at it. Just practice all the time. It can be anything from a video game to a musical instrument to something academic (Literally anything because it is more for you than anyone else). Not only will knowing that you are good at something make you more confident, but practicing is great stress relief because there are no repercussions for failure. A little less than a year ago I bought myself a cheap bass guitar off of amazon (having had almost no musical experience) and started playing it whenever I was bored or stressed about something. I've gotten so much better in just 1 year. Now whenever I have a depressive episode I just jam on the bass in my room. I'm no expert at bass yet, but I trust that I'll get really good if I keep practicing. I can already feel a bit more confident knowing that there is something I can impress someone with, even though I never mention it or perform for anyone ever. It sounds dumb but self teaching helps distract me a lot from all the shit I have to deal with in day to day life. Additionally you should try consulting a therapist again about anxiety. I've never done it but I've read that it helps. :)",0.9957,positive,confident 899,depressed,I need help before I go crazy,speaker,3,"Thank you very much for your answer. And it's true. I think what kind of eats up my confidence is because I live in a tiny village where everyone knows me. Literally everyone know who I am and many have known me since I was 6-7 years. Which is why it's so hard for me to rapidly change. At least I think I really want to get more into rap. Started about a half year ago and actually been practising for at least an hour almost every day I can. It have helped a LOT on my confidence and anxiety, while now I'm worried I might bother my neighbours lol. I'm glad you've found something though. And yes, keep going and I know you'll make something out of it. It's only recently I've fully realized you can do anything if you put enough work in it, which is why I'm forcing myself to continue with rap. I'll try to find a schecule. It often kind of scares me off when I see all the unfamiliar names of the workout techniques or what it's called. But hopefully I can get one and try to stick to it for longer than a couple of days. Again, thank you for taking the time to answer. It means a lot to know somebody cares. <3 I hope you have a wonderful day and good luck with your bass playing! ",0.9892,positive,confident 900,depressed,Back at it again,speaker,1,"Haven't posted here in a long time. But now I'm back. Back to bottom. Depression has struck me once again. To the point where I've been crying every night. Untill recently, where I've reached such a point of apathy, where nothing concerns or worries me. I failed one subject today because I didn't show up. I didn't get up. It will have fatal consequences, but I simply can't care, about anything.",-0.9765,negative,ashamed 900,depressed,Back at it again,listener_1,2,"Hello there, can i tell you a joke to attempt to make you smile?",0.5719,positive,questioning 900,depressed,Back at it again,speaker,3,"Yeah, definetly.",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 900,depressed,Back at it again,speaker,4,"That's true. Makes me self-loath even more. But I despise school. I love doing things, learning things - but the school system; it's shit.",-0.1768,negative,disgusted 900,depressed,Back at it again,listener_2,5,School conditioned me to hate learning while I myself love improvement. Very hard to balance ,0.4228,positive,annoyed 901,depressed,I feel lonely,speaker,1,"I need advice on what to do because after being thrown aside by somebody I loved, my bottled up emotions have come out and now I feel lonely and worthless. I’ve been told to talk to friends more but personally it doesn’t quite fill the void as being in a relationship with someone. Any advice would be helpful?",0.6705,positive,lonely 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_1,2,"Work out. It’s weird, but when you start working out you’ll start to feel better. Whenever I become depressed or hit a chemical low, I start working out and feel better. Usually after the second day. Also, start making your bed in the morning. Also weird, I know, but it gives a small feeling of accomplishment and sets the standard for the day. That you woke up and accomplished something. Even if it’s small and if you have a terrible day, there’s a well made bed waiting for you. ",0.3182,positive,proud 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_2,3,"Yup, here I am, where can I get my meds",0.0,neutral,annoyed 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_3,4,What meds are you researching?,0.0,neutral,questioning 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_2,5,Im not sure what you mean (non native speaker),-0.2411,negative,neutral 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_3,6,I was not sure what you meant so that is why I asked about what kind of meds you are looking for.,-0.2411,negative,neutral 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_2,7,Also I wanted to express that I'm a person that depends on others and relationships for stability. Throws me off my optimistic/realistic thinking easily if I have relationship issues,0.34,positive,trusting 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_2,8,"Oh. Didnt know researching could be a synonym for looking for smthing. Well for nothing especially. I have weed for now, it's good for stopping depressing chains of thought. My original comment was more like a little joke ",0.7783,positive,embarrassed 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_3,9,"I can't support that mindset; healthy folks generate their own mental and physical wellness. However, it is fine to share with another person if the exchange is mutual.",0.7463,positive,trusting 901,depressed,I feel lonely,listener_2,10,"Well no one supports it, it's not like you choose how to feel about those things",-0.5139,negative,neutral 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,1,"I perform poorly at work, I don't know if it's I have high functioning depression. I have difficulty sleeping and my bowel movements are out of wack. I have little desire to eat. I workout and feel tired with delay onset muscles. I'm on the verge of quitting work, get my health back. Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?",-0.8947,negative,ashamed 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_1,2,Go to a doctor ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,3,I don't know if I should quit my job because I can't take it anymore. This is the most I've had anxiety attacks and panic attacks in any job.,-0.8768,negative,apprehensive 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_2,4,"As someone who is struggling with the same (making mistakes at work and anxiety/panic attacks) I would say take a step back. If you quit your job you will still have the same underlying problems. The stress of work magnifies the problem, and making mistakes only causes this to turn into a vicious cycle of mistakes and worsening depression. One thing that I have been working on myself that I have seen hope in is to break tasks down into doable steps. Almost in an overly simplistic way. I'm not sure what your job is, but for me I have to make a list. Check voicemail, return each call independently, send paperwork to x, file previous day's paperwork, and so on. Each tiny step seems impossible to me and often it feels like climbing a mountain to get even one thing done. Being able to check things off shows me that I'm making progress and gives me a measurable goal. In addition, I work with a therapist, which I never thought would happen or be beneficial, and a strategy I have been studying is mindfulness. It sounded so stupid to me to focus on my immediate surroundings. Feeling the ground under me. Hearing my breathing. Focusing on the texture of something I'm holding. I assumed it was dumb and wouldn't do anything for me. However, it has helped me get out of my own head. When I force myself to really focus on things around be I can't simultaneously obsess over my anxiety and depression. It ramps me down so that I can get a few things done before losing my shit again. Maybe my experience will be somewhat helpful to you. Maybe it won't. Don't give up and know that quitting won't solve your problem. I hope you find some kind of support/relief and know that you aren't alone. ",-0.9542,negative,hopeful 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_1,5,You are literally in the same position I was a year ago please go talk to a doctor ASAP and if ur feeling suicidal go to an emergency don’t quit your job without talking to someone find a close friend or relative you can talk to and let all those pent up thoughts out remember you know best but all your actions have consequences sorry for the shitty grammar I’m lazy,-0.8201,negative,sympathizing 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,6,I can't deal with it anymore because my coworker constantly points out my mistakes and bitches to the boss about me. My boss doesn't do much to help me improve and is rather passive.,-0.0,neutral,angry 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_1,7,Tell your boss the coworker is harassing you and it’s affecting your work ,-0.5423,negative,angry 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,8,"I quit, the person I replaced quit because of the coworker. I hate myself and failed.",-0.7906,negative,ashamed 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,9,I might go back on medication ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_3,10,"Good! Take your meds, work hard at therapy. Your never alone!",0.5892,positive,consoling 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,11,Hopefully ,0.4019,positive,encouraging 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_3,12,Chin up! And please shoot me an email if you need someone to talk to. It will get better!,0.5242,positive,consoling 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,13,PM me,0.0,neutral,suggesting 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,listener_3,14,"I am know to this...how do I mesg you,",0.0,neutral,agreeing 902,depressed,Constantly making errors at work. Messy room. Ran out of gas. Extreme hoarding and shopping. Can't think straight anymore. Psychiatrist wait list three months. Help?,speaker,15,Click on my profile and send private message ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 903,depressed,"Feeling lonely and tired, have to redo an exam today, miss my ex. Need to be held/touched, need someone to talk to/comfort me",speaker,1,"Basically that. Dm me or just drop a comment, I feel so lonely right now and I feel like such a failure. All I need is some human embrace/acknowledgement right now. ",-0.7304,negative,lonely 903,depressed,"Feeling lonely and tired, have to redo an exam today, miss my ex. Need to be held/touched, need someone to talk to/comfort me",listener_1,2,"Hey bud, I'm in a pretty rough spot too. If we both push through, things will get better. Never forget that you're not alone <3",0.8179,positive,consoling 903,depressed,"Feeling lonely and tired, have to redo an exam today, miss my ex. Need to be held/touched, need someone to talk to/comfort me",speaker,3,Thanks. Everything will be fine. ,0.5719,positive,wishing 904,depressed,Feeling all kinds of negativity.,speaker,1,"Hey Reddit, M(23) I’m not exactly sure why I’m writing here on Reddit tonight, i was sitting in my living room doing my homework for tomorrow’s class which I’ve been doing since Friday and I started crying. It’s quiet and i should be in bed because I have to be up in 5 hours but I haven’t finished my assignment and it’s important that I do. Lately I’ve been under a lot of pressure... im taking a senior class in which failure isn’t an option because that would make me forfeit my BFA. So I’ve been working all-nighters, not sleeping enough, not going for walks, not exercising, and even having racing thoughts while sleeping. It’s like I’m always panicking...it’s hard and lonely and it’s been causing feelings of depression and desperation to flare up again. I’m so terrified of what life is like after i graduate but the main thing is that I don’t fully believe i possess the skills or the mentality to handle a career. I find myself wanting to give up lately and it’s something that’s all too familiar. I don’t like living this way and it feels like no one understands what these feelings are like. I don’t know, I think I came on Reddit because im too afraid to sleep and show up to class unprepared (for no reason) and because I feel so alone. Maybe I needed to vent... but I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. Legit feel like a failure. I feel like quitting but if I do I’ll regret it... any advice? ",-0.9778,negative,ashamed 904,depressed,Feeling all kinds of negativity.,listener_1,2,Do you have input from your instructor? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 904,depressed,Feeling all kinds of negativity.,speaker,3,She gave me input on what I could fix up and stuff but over all I have so much work to do and if I don’t make a huge amount of progress in the next two weeks I would have to drop the class. ,0.6124,positive,neutral 905,depressed,Thoughts on SSRIs,speaker,1,"Hello, what are your thoughts/ experiences on SSRIs?",0.0,neutral,questioning 905,depressed,Thoughts on SSRIs,listener_1,2,"I have been on a high dose of Zoloft for several years. It helps with psychotic symptoms as well as mood lifting. Only side fx are yawns and a bit of fatigue when the meds kick in, but all that is minimal. Be patient and experiment with low doses of other types of ssri until you find one that works.",-0.2023,negative,hopeful 905,depressed,Thoughts on SSRIs,speaker,3,Thanks for the feedback. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 906,depressed,Stuck in bed,speaker,1,"I finally have a day off, a day in which I had so much planned that I have wanted to do and I can't get out of bed because of some triggering bullshit based off past trauma from an emotionally abusive relationship. I feel myself trapped in a body that I have no will or control over, fuck this/10, instructions unclear, nothing is ever going to be really okay",-0.9623,negative,devastated 906,depressed,Stuck in bed,listener_1,2,I'm sorry :(. I feel your pain.. only kids begging me to fetch water and food get me out of bed... And now I'm contemplating rum or back to bed?,-0.5574,negative,sympathizing 906,depressed,Stuck in bed,speaker,3,"Strength to you friend, it makes me a hypocrite in saying it by do try to resist the rum as a crutch, I believe you can do the things without it",0.7506,positive,faithful 907,depressed,Extremely short attention span caused by depression? I've tried medication and it made things worse. Going to doctor and therapist again. Anyone experienced this? Tips?,speaker,1,"I can't concentrate watching a movie, even a TV show, I barely can a watch 5 minute YouTube video. My coworkers said I wasn't listening when I was trying my hardest to learn from my mistakes and criticism. I quit work because I constantly make mistakes and can't do anything right. I have little interest in watching things or reading. Running is a struggle. I have no interest in baking or cooking anymore. Extremely short attention span caused by depression? I've tried medication and it made things worse. Going to doctor and therapist again. Anyone experienced this? Tips?",-0.9461,negative,ashamed 907,depressed,Extremely short attention span caused by depression? I've tried medication and it made things worse. Going to doctor and therapist again. Anyone experienced this? Tips?,listener_1,2,"I experienced this far too many times. Depression takes away your energy and motivation to do activities. So you're left focusing on your depressive thoughts weighing you down even further. You can't really focus on other things. I currently experience this, so my only tip would be to battle it out against those negative thoughts and will yourself to pay attention. In the end, it's up to you..",-0.8591,negative,consoling 907,depressed,Extremely short attention span caused by depression? I've tried medication and it made things worse. Going to doctor and therapist again. Anyone experienced this? Tips?,speaker,3,I have difficulty reading. I don't realize I have negative thoughts when people point it out. I'm struggling.,-0.836,negative,ashamed 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,1,"For some idiotic reason, I got my 4 wisdom teeth removed 2 months ago. Only 1 was impacted. The other 3 were straight but my dentist recommended I get rid of all of them. I didn't hear until after the surgery that lots of people said wisdom tooth surgery completely ruined their faces, and that the change was noticeable after a few months. Im so nervous I'm going to become ugly and lose the attractiveness I worked so hard for. I was bullied so much in high school for being ugly and finally I became attractive by losing my severe acne (6 months on accutane) and cleaning myself up when I got to college. I'm so upset. I regret it so much. I lay in bed everyday depressed out of my mind. I haven't gone to a single class in 5 weeks. I'm going to fail this semester. I'm so upset you have no idea. I don't know what to do I can't be the ugly kid again, not after everything that happened in high school. I'm so upset at myself. I can't believe I got my wisdom teeth out for no reason just because my idiot dentist told me to. Just so he could make a few thousand dollars. I'm so upset and I have no idea what to do. I'm going to get my ass kicked again when I become ugly and I'm just going to drop out of college before I let that happen.",-0.9972,negative,anxious 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_1,2,"It sounds like your jumping the gun on this. Look in the mirror. Do you still like yourself? Do you like the way you look? Then your fine. No need to miss school. If it takes a couple months to see any changes, then give it time. Until then, no need to stress or risk failing school.",-0.7691,negative,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,3,are you a man or women? what age did you get them out?,0.0,neutral,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_2,4,"Man, with 17",0.0,neutral,lonely 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,5,you didn't notice any flattening of your face at all?,0.0,neutral,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_2,6,No,-0.29600000000000004,negative,afraid 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,7,My jaw is still very tight and it's kinda hard to smile. When did the tightness in your jaw go away? It's been about two months for me.,0.2799,positive,anxious 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_3,8,I heal at a very fast rate. Faster than most of my doctors have ever seen. I healed fully in 1 week. But that is probably genetic or due to my active life style. You can't control how fast you are going to heal. But sooner or later your jaw will feel better.,0.8126,positive,surprised 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,9,Are you male or female? Because I've heard guys and girls heal differently,0.0,neutral,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_3,10,Male,0.0,neutral,proud 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,11,were your wisdom teeth impacted or non-impacted?,0.5267,positive,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,12,Impacted or non-impacted?,0.0,neutral,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,13,">I'm soft and curvy If you're fat (aka 'soft and curvy') you were never considered a 9 or 10, don't be delusional. ",0.0,neutral,confident 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,speaker,14,Were your wisdom teeth impacted? When did you get them removed?,0.5803,positive,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,15,No and eons ago,-0.29600000000000004,negative,nostalgic 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_3,16,"Some were, some weren't",0.0,neutral,neutral 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,17,Wow you needed to insult a person on Reddit... Over having attributes long considered important through history.... I'm so impressed with your dedication. Regardless of my number wisdom teeth removal did nothing to it...,0.8747,positive,impressed 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,18,Are you seriously trying to pass off your obesity as a good thing because having some extra weight was considered a sign of health hundreds of years ago?,0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,19,"Not obese, BMI of 21. Has been as low as 18 and as high as 22. At no point have I ever been in any danger. ",-0.7717,negative,content 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,20,"If that were actually true your body type description wouldn't be ""soft and curvy"", fatty.",0.4215,positive,surprised 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,21,Shrug... I am not arguing my weight online. ,0.35700000000000004,positive,confident 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,22,"But you just did, and lost.",-0.4497,negative,neutral 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,23,Right... Because saying I'm done is losing. Only to internet fools. Hey what do you weigh? And do you skip leg day? Have you got abs? Asking for a friend,-0.4836,negative,apprehensive 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,24,Maybe you should be asking your friend for diet advice instead?,0.4939,positive,suggesting 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,25,Why is that something you are fond of? Shall we compare diets? Mines low nickel....yours?,0.327,positive,questioning 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_4,26,"Low nickel, high fat?",-0.2732,negative,apprehensive 908,depressed,I regret getting my wisdom teeth out. I'm so upset.,listener_5,27,"Eh... I do enjoy cheese. Provolone and coconut oil mayo with baby spinach no bread, too much itchy nickel in bread.",-0.0258,neutral,disgusted 908,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_6,1,"I hate myself, I have no friends, Im depressed, isolated, I can even fucking cry... I think im going insane... I just need someone, any fucking one. To hug me. To talk. To reassure me. I punched the wall so hard the concrete cracked, along with me. I feel like if i dont find someone soon... i might... ",-0.8897,negative,lonely 908,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_7,2,"Am I fine for that candidate? I haven't gotten a hug for a while either, no one's there really You'll have to tell me a bit more Feel free to PM",0.1592,positive,apprehensive 908,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_6,3,No one honestly..,-0.569,negative,agreeing 908,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_6,4,Thank you so much man... i really appreciate it,0.6697,positive,sympathizing 908,depressed,I cant even cry anymore,listener_6,5,Thank you so much man.... Message me? ,0.3612,positive,wishing 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,speaker,1,"So yeah. I've been thinking about suicide and I haven't go no one to talk to about it. Im just always lonely, I fucked up my grades and everything is just fucking up for me. ",-0.8409,negative,lonely 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,listener_1,2,"While I don't think about suicide, I hope I die soon...you can talk to me about your problems. Do you have friends or are you an outcast like me?",0.6694,positive,questioning 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,speaker,3,"No Im not a total outcast, I have my friends but to me... I feel like they don't even care. ",0.0665,positive,lonely 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,speaker,4,I try all the time to try to find someone to talk to. Im tired of calling suicide hotlines.. they always ask the same questions. ,-0.8126,negative,apprehensive 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,speaker,5,What do you mean? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,listener_2,6,Hopelessness all the time,-0.6249,negative,lonely 909,depressed,feeling lonely all the time.,speaker,7,Yeah I feel that all the time as well. ,0.5106,positive,agreeing 910,depressed,I only stayed with the abusive ex so I wouldn't lose his sister.,speaker,1,"It's been nearly 14 months since we split and he's finally talking to me again but she did not leave my mind once. I've reached out to her several times in that span and it seems as though I lost her too. I promised I'd never leave her and then I let her down, but amongst everything else that makes me want to die, I'm still hopeful that maybe she's just busy or hasn't been checking her messages when in reality I know I've lost her just like I lost everyone else. I'm sick of feeling so alone.",-0.8351,negative,trusting 910,depressed,I only stayed with the abusive ex so I wouldn't lose his sister.,listener_1,2,"You aren't alone. I hardly know you, but I care about you. We can't control what happens around us, but we can control how we handle these times. Relationships and friendships are hard and they don't always work out. But I know that someone in your life cares about you, even if you don't know who they are.",0.9094,positive,faithful 910,depressed,I only stayed with the abusive ex so I wouldn't lose his sister.,speaker,3,20,0.0,neutral,prepared 910,depressed,I only stayed with the abusive ex so I wouldn't lose his sister.,speaker,4,? I miss her because she was virtually my little sister? And what if she needs me? Because I was virtually her big sister.....,-0.2824,negative,lonely 911,depressed,Please help: Considering dropping out of uni for the 3rd time due to mental health problems... I don't know what to do?,speaker,1,"In short, I started uni in 2014. I managed 2 terms of 1st year, then suspended studies due to depression. Went back in 2015 and managed 1 term before dropping out properly, because of depression. Started a new course at a new uni in 2016 and actually managed to complete my first year, so I'm halfway through the 1st term of 2nd year now. I'm having a pretty bad time with mental health problems at the moment (and was bad the entire summer) and I don't know what to do. I haven't been going into uni, and I'm already very behind. There's a pass/fail deadline coming up in 2 weeks and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fail it. I've maxed out on the number of years of student loan available to me, so I feel stuck now - I have to finish this course, within the 3 years. No repeating years. No suspending studies. My GP knows what is going on. My psychiatrist has been very unhelpful and has pretty much abandoned me. I'm just some other case of 'unspecified mood disorder' who has been dosed up on meds and shoved aside. I don't know what to do next. Counselling (CBT) doesn't seem to touch the issue, even though for an hour or so after a session I feel vaguely better. I've lost interest in everything. I don't understand why I wake up anymore, but my body keeps doing it. I can't tell my parents the truth because they don't ""believe"" in mental health problems (long story, I'm not going to elaborate), so no support there. I have to lie constantly. They think everything is fine, but in reality I'm very close to either dropping out of uni (and so it would really be the end of my chance to get a degree) or eliminating myself. Any advice? Anyone been in a similar position? Is it better to stay at uni and continue to not go in and probably fail the year, or to leave? And if I do leave what do I do after that? Where do I live and how do I get money if I'm bad enough that I can't even get out of bed to do something I supposedly enjoy (or at least used to)? Sorry for the long post.",-0.9398,negative,ashamed 911,depressed,Please help: Considering dropping out of uni for the 3rd time due to mental health problems... I don't know what to do?,listener_1,2,"Hi fella, drop out and recent graduate here! I attempted university and quit, my reasons were down to loneliness, stress and I chose the wrong course for me. I went through bad times with my family because I 'gave up', had to move out of my family home, into another family members place whilst I rethought my plan of action. I decided to slow things down, work a bit and do another a' level course I knew I'd enjoy. I loved it, even though I ended up breaking up with my then long time girlfriend. But mainly that period gave me time to reflect and decide what I wanted to do. I decided I was determined to get a degree! I'm now a graduate and looking for work, considering even doing a masters. My advice to you would be when you look to the future, think positively. What is it you want, or think would make you happy? If uni life is just too stressful and depressing, keep trying to talk to people and/or try new things! I had my times where the work seemed impossible, but if you knuckle down you might surprise yourself, which might just help you get back and track, making you feel a little more in control. Just remember, the degree isn't everything! University is meant to be enjoyable. When I wasn't enjoying it I would either try and change my thought processes, the environment or the people I hang around. I'm not sure whether this was helpful to you in any way, but I saw your post and felt I understood your pain just a little! Keep going!! ",0.7587,positive,hopeful 911,depressed,Please help: Considering dropping out of uni for the 3rd time due to mental health problems... I don't know what to do?,speaker,3,"Hey, thanks for your very detailed reply! Parts of our stories overlap - after leaving uni in 2015 my parents were very disappointed and stopped talking to me, so I had a few months of rocky living... And then moved in with another family member. I appreciate your encouragement and advice. The issue I'm having is that this degree was supposed to be 'The One'. It was what I wanted. I dropped out of my first degree so I could pursue this one. The issue is not my course - I love what I'm studying. I say that, but at the moment it feels like ""apparently I love what I'm studying"". The depression has wiped out all my emotion, energy and drive. I was always so motivated and hard-working and then these problems started and I'm like a different person. It's humiliating and frustrating. I just hope that somehow this will be fixed before it is too late. I know that if I drop out it will be because of the mental health problems - not the degree - and I don't want that. I wanted to do this degree! So I will keep going. Thank you for your reply. I feel a bit more determined to sort this out. I'm really glad that everything worked out for you :) ",0.974,positive,grateful 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,speaker,1,"Hello, So I'm in a really hard position right now, my girlfriend of almost 2 years broke up with me a month and a half ago. She did it because she said she was confused, but really was depressed. Though the first week of the breakup she didn't talk to me. Then after the week we spoke and decided we would work on things, but she said she's wanted to see other people and be with other people. When we were dating we had some problems, but said she still loves me. Even after saying she couldn't say it anymore. She says she's comfortable around me and I make her happy when we go on our Sunday dates. But she ended up sleeping with someone else and it really hurt me. She said she might get back together after she fixes things with herself, but I can't deal with the pain that everything hasn't caused me so I told her we need time away. Time so that she can miss me and remember what I mean to her. But she's broken down to multiple times that she's sad and hates everything and everyone. I don't want to loose her because I love her and I know this isn't her. But I know if I stay around it will cause me to become depressed. How should I go about it. Should I give her space, but still remind her I'm there every once in a while. We are both in college and she doesn't know what she wants from her life and her future. She's had a rough go and I'm the first person that has 100% always been there when she really needs me. No one else knows how depressed she really is and I don't think even she knows. We have all of our friends in common too, which makes things even More difficult. I truly believe she doesn't want to loose me because of how we are when we are together and what she says to me. Should I give up on her or just give her space and time like the month I suggested. I'm really hurting right now and idk how to deal with it",-0.9632,negative,devastated 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,listener_1,2,You should give up on her. ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,speaker,3,But how do I know the space won't change it,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,speaker,4,Why,0.0,neutral,questioning 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,listener_1,5,You should post this in r/relationship or somewhere else where people can give you better advise than I can ,0.4404,positive,suggesting 912,depressed,Confused over my depressed ex,listener_1,6,Cause she already slept with someone else? That kinda shows that she didn’t think about your feelings at all. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 913,depressed,I hate this wasted time,speaker,1,"So I'm bipolar with depression and anxiety. Afraid to drive, afraid to work, totally dependent on my husband. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for years and on meds but never felt truly on the right path. I tried LSD to see if that helped, nah. I decided I wanted to try psilocybin last year because I read it can really help and discovered you could legally buy spores online to grow your own. I asked my husband if he would be ok with me growing them in the house and he said no. Ok. I don't know any dealers, so that went on the backburner. Well, fastforward to now. I've reached a very crystallized feeling of suicidal desire. It doesn't make me cry anymore, it doesn't scare me, staying for my husband and for my family is no longer more important to me than escaping this constant mental anguish. Last night when my husband got home I asked for the key to the gun safe. I was completely calm, totally focused. I explained I wanted a no contest divorce to separate him from my one credit card of debt. I told him that if he kept me from the gun we already own I would just buy a different one. Of course this hurt him deeply, that's all I really expected. We talked for a while, he was bewildered so I gave him space until he came to me this morning. ""Will you try magic mushrooms?"" He asks me. You mean, the stuff I asked to try last year and you said no? Why is it that I have to be completely and utterly driven to die to let this be an option? Why couldn't I do this before it got so bad? Maybe this whole last year would have been completely different for me. Maybe I would feel like a real person. Maybe I could have done so much, lived so much. I guess... I'm just really disappointed that it had to go this far. I agreed to try the psilocybin, but it will be probably 6 weeks or more before it will be ready, because I have no idea how to get some ready to go. 6 more weeks feels like an eternity, but he asked me to try. If it works, great. If it doesn't, oh well. I just wanted to relieve some of my frustration by telling the story. I feel like because my depression isn't worn on the outside like a cut or a burn that it was taken less seriously. I had to suffer, and I have to do it for a little longer too, and there are no guarantees. I'm still not crying, which for me is not typical. I am just so beyond that, to this stage of exhaustion I've never known before. I feel so helpless in the face of time. Anyway... Thanks for reading, and I hope you are having the best day possible.",-0.2661,negative,apprehensive 913,depressed,I hate this wasted time,listener_1,2,They don't get it... I mean they want to but their brains aren't broken so they can't figure out why ours are... It's not their fault really.,0.7482,positive,jealous 913,depressed,I hate this wasted time,speaker,3,"Yeah. I'm not mad, he has been doing his best. He says I never explained that buying the spores were legal, which is not how I remember it, but it's water under the bridge I guess. At least he understands how deep this cut goes now, even if he'll never know what it's like.",0.6653,positive,neutral 914,depressed,I usually dont vent on here,speaker,1,"I'm having a hard night. I feel like crap after my boyfriend called me lazy because I asked him if he could turn the lights out. He argues for no reason and I am already just fed up with my life. I went to the hospital with chest pains yesterday and while it wasn't determined, it may have been a partial heart attack. I'm only 25 so yeah. We're trying to find a new apartment by the beginning of November and may sign off soon. I switched phones carriers. I'm in Debt and I hate my job most of the time. I don't get paid enough for what I do and I no longer enjoy it. I know what steps to take for each. I've been doing g things on my own and I've been apartment shopping and I had two interviews. But I'm sitting in bed crying because I'm just fed up. I just wanted to put this out here because I didn't want to bother anyone by messaging them about my crap. I think that's all Thanks for reading Hope you are having a decent night/day Kenzie ",-0.7563,negative,anxious 914,depressed,I usually dont vent on here,listener_1,2,"Hi there. Sorry to hear about all of that. I hope your heart is okay and that you find a job you love, pay off your debt as soon as possible, and your boyfriend finds a way to communicate with you more effectively without arguing. I'm kind of in the same boat so I feel you and I'm here if you ever feel like venting ",0.9548,positive,consoling 914,depressed,I usually dont vent on here,speaker,3,Thanks I appreciate it ,0.6808,positive,sympathizing 915,depressed,Need help,speaker,1,I've relapsed really fucking bad and need to talk. Ive been depressed and doing 200$ in very hard drugs a day for 2 years now and ive wrecked my life,-0.8428,negative,ashamed 915,depressed,Need help,listener_1,2,Are you thinking about detox? Learning how to be stable is a process which requires clean time.,0.5994,positive,questioning 915,depressed,Need help,speaker,3,"I keep fucking up worst and worst dude, its not looking good",-0.8976,negative,embarrassed 916,depressed,"I don't know what I'm delusional about? Am I delusional about quitting my job, guys not liking me anymore, or in denial about my mental illness? Does anyone feel this way?",speaker,1,"I don't know what I'm delusional about? Am I delusional about quitting my job, guys not liking me anymore, or in denial about my mental illness? Does anyone feel this way?",-0.6703,negative,guilty 916,depressed,"I don't know what I'm delusional about? Am I delusional about quitting my job, guys not liking me anymore, or in denial about my mental illness? Does anyone feel this way?",listener_1,2,"I feel so confused too. I don’t know what feelings and thoughts are real anymore, what my motives for doing things are etc. I hate it I’m not used to being so uncertain about myself.",-0.861,negative,anxious 916,depressed,"I don't know what I'm delusional about? Am I delusional about quitting my job, guys not liking me anymore, or in denial about my mental illness? Does anyone feel this way?",speaker,3,I don't want to go on medication and spend $200 a month when it's going to make me tired. I can spend that $200 on things that make me happy. It doesn't help I have NParents and quit a toxic work environment. My doctor sided with my NParents because they spend a lot of money at the doctor over stupid ailments for themselves. I'm trying to improve. I feel like an asshole customer because of my anxiety.,-0.0976,negative,angry 917,depressed,Everyone around me wants to die,speaker,1,"Pretty much. I want to die, my girlfriend, who I love and is pretty much the thing tethering me to this earth, also wants to die. My Suitemate (I'm in college) kinda just tried to commit suicide and I had to call the ambulance cuz she was overdosing on her pills. I'm pretty sure my roommate was in the brink of trying to kill her self the other day. So ya know. Doing great over here. No point to this really I just feel like I needed to say this somewhere cuz what the fuck. I feel like I don't even want to talk about it with anybody cuz it's just like fuck it join the club.",0.4548,positive,sad 917,depressed,Everyone around me wants to die,listener_1,2,wow. why?,0.5859,positive,questioning 917,depressed,Everyone around me wants to die,speaker,3,"We each have our own cluster fucks of life experiences and mental illnesses that have culminated in this result. No overarching reasons. Honestly I question a lot of the time if there is anyone who actively wants to live. I know there definitely people who are, but it feels like such a distant and odd concept right now",0.0129,neutral,apprehensive 917,depressed,Everyone around me wants to die,listener_2,4,We each have our own various combos life experiences and mental illnesses. No over arching reasons,-0.6597,negative,agreeing 918,depressed,Not waking up would be okay,speaker,1,"That's pretty much it. I'm alone and pretty much a total failure in life. My love life is a pantomime. My family cause so much stress and I haven't seen my Dad in ten years. I have no real friends but thing is even when people want to be my friend, I don't know how to do it. I'm lost. I can't hack life. It's just not working out for me. ",0.3372,positive,lonely 918,depressed,Not waking up would be okay,listener_1,2,"I feel you, I only came to find this sub reddit because I'm so down just now. I have seen my dad in 5 years and in 14, he has forgotten my birthday every year since that unforgettable night and yet he can remember my sisters. My ""friends"" at school don't talk to me outside of school unless its impossible to ignore, I ain't achieving what my mum wants me to she calls me fat lazy and unsocial but my mum doesn't know the half of it and I can't tell her I'm depressed without her asking whose bullying me when really no one is bullying me",-0.9694,negative,sad 918,depressed,Not waking up would be okay,speaker,3,Thank you for your comment mate. Absent Father's is such a horrible thing to cope with. Your Mum loves you believe me even if she isn't showing it the way you want. When you go to college or university make some kickass new friends that respect you. Peace! ,0.9184,positive,wishing 918,depressed,Not waking up would be okay,listener_1,4,Thank you☺ this means a lot more than you may think ,0.6705,positive,grateful 919,depressed,Does a lot of exercise is bad for depression?,speaker,1,"I have been with depression for 3 years now, and actually made it out for a month (depression free, really) so I know there is a way out. I had a crisis almost a month a go. But started to stick to my daily routine, attending my business, and classes (I give drum lessons), and started a serious exercise routine. 5 days of calisthenics. But also I am already on the bike nearly every other moment of the week. I use it to commute, and I do Uber eats also ( yeah, I know I do a lot of things for a depressed M/29.I also did meditation for more than a month for ten minutes a day. But quitted it because I started to feel depersonalized, and had fear of other things happening. I have felt very well, increased mood, and a better view of life. Really exercise does wonders for me. But I think sometimes push too hard. I lost 3 kgs/6lbs in two weeks. Sometimes I feel that I need to rest and take a nap, others I feel a little hungry Today I had almost a crisis, It was hard, but I controlled it, it came out of nowhere, Do too much excercise is bad for depression, or I just need to eat more?",-0.9741,negative,confident 919,depressed,Does a lot of exercise is bad for depression?,listener_1,2,Are you consuming the proper diet for your exercise routine?,0.0,neutral,questioning 919,depressed,Does a lot of exercise is bad for depression?,speaker,3,"I don't know, I haven't seen a nutritionist. I am eating on deficit for weight loss. ",-0.6124,negative,apprehensive 920,depressed,I can't eat!!! My face is becoming so bony,speaker,1,I'm so depressed I can't eat SOMEONE HELP ME MY FACE IS BECOMING COMPLETE BONE I've been barely eating one meal even for the past two weeks,-0.7501,negative,ashamed 920,depressed,I can't eat!!! My face is becoming so bony,listener_1,2,Are you capable of going to an emergency room if your weight gets too low? What about fluids?,-0.3527,negative,questioning 920,depressed,I can't eat!!! My face is becoming so bony,speaker,3,"I haven't checked my weight in a while!!! But I can't continue like this, it's ridiculous!",-0.7954,negative,ashamed 920,depressed,I can't eat!!! My face is becoming so bony,listener_1,4,I would atleast drink some protein shakes and eat some vitamins. I eat diced up protein bars when I don't feel like boiling water for oatmeal.,-0.2755,negative,guilty 920,depressed,I can't eat!!! My face is becoming so bony,listener_2,5,They could. OP would most likely be treated for anorexia and maybe instay at hospital.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 921,depressed,My life became so complicated,speaker,1,"My parents are divorcing, I'm 20, I don't really care about them but this case made me lose my belief in love. Divorce and one another thing, I was cheated 2 years ago, relationship ended pretty bad. After that I didn't become bf/gf for almost 2.5 years. I have 5 close friends, and somthings happened newly, we kind of lost connection. I don't want to talk with them, I just need some time for me to heal. I have this friend, she is my closest girl-friend. We met in University, we are both studying monufactoring engineering, I spend %60 of my week with her. I kinda liked her last year and confested, she said she sees me as friend. After that I flirted with plenty of girls but relationship has not progressed. Now few ours ago she said she can't see me as friend know, she wants to be my girlfriend. We have common friends with this girl, I don't be a jerk if smt bad happens, I don't want to be alone. I was flirting with another girl it ended 4 days ago, I've been kind of griefing about it. And realised she is the one who suffers. I don't know what should I do. I don't want to screw things up. She had no boyfriend before cause of that I feel like she is pretty shy about sexuality. I mean I know myself, I will hesitate my every move because I do not want to hurt her (even holding hands). I want to make him happy not nervous and sad. I don't want to screw my relationship, but I know myself, once we start this, I will be unstable. Maybe I should just let it flow but I'm stressed. Need advice!",0.9677,positive,lonely 921,depressed,My life became so complicated,listener_1,2,"Talk to her. A strong relationship needs strong communication, so start strong. Tell her you don't want want to screw things up with her. Take things slow and don't push her past her comfort. Most importantly tell her to talk to you as well and listen to her. Keep the sex thing on the back burner.",0.9385,positive,trusting 921,depressed,My life became so complicated,speaker,3,thank you for reply,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 922,depressed,Wind stopped me killing myself,speaker,1,"I go skating alone at night because nobody is around and I'm antisocial af. I thought to myself it would be fun if I ended my life right then and there. The place I skate is an empty car park which is part of my university, next to the car park is a main road where cars and trucks pass every so often at high speeds. I started gaining speed on my board aiming for the road but the wind slowed me down. I got off my board and started walking towards the road and then the wind literally picked up so much and blew me back. I'm pretty scared of the wind because it scares me and this scared the shit out of me so I ran away. I don't know why it happened or what purpose I have in my life but for some reason whenever I try to kill myself something stops me",-0.8407,negative,lonely 922,depressed,Wind stopped me killing myself,listener_1,2,you are so important. you were put in this world for a reason & it would be a waste if you just ended it all. You are so special and so important even the universe is stopping you from doing it. Please don't do it.,0.705,positive,neutral 922,depressed,Wind stopped me killing myself,speaker,3,"Thank you for kind words. I don't know if I was going to do it or not at the time but I wasn't really thinking about anything other than reaching the road. I realised later on how much I would loose if I did something like this, how much affect it would have on my family. I feel happier for some reason and life is much more clear, I might have another episode of feeling down but I will need to get help for the future just in case I try something again. Thank you again for your message.",0.9699,positive,grateful 923,depressed,18 year old depressed loner sharing his story. Share yours too.,speaker,1,"Hey there. Im 18, lonely and depressed. Ill try and keep things brief. Kinda just here to rant about my life so here goes. I've been floating in and out of depression for about 2-3 years now. Its gotten pretty bad in the last year with suicidal thoughts going from non-existent to an everyday thing. My dad came out as gay when I was 15. My mom was a functioning alcoholic throughout my life and when they divorced my Mom was destroyed. For most of my High School experience I watched my mom die of her alcoholism. Walked in on some seizures and had called the cops on 106 different occasions throughout 2016. I changed schools 7 times for various reasons (education, moms alcoholism) which sucked socially. Meanwhile my dad had moved out and began to explore his sexuality. Kinda leaving my brother and I to keep my mom alive. Now 3 years later the family has gotten better. My mom has been sober for 6 months. I dropped out of High School (because of depression) to try and pursue some kind of music career. My brother and sister are somewhat famous in the industry. Brother is an actor on a t.v. show. Sister is a singer/song writer. I've been out of school for almost a year and my depression hasn't gotten better. I spend my entire day on the computer or playing video games. Rarely getting out the house. If you saw my computer history you would know what I was doing every hour of every month for the last year. I have very little motivation to do anything. I don't really care about the music industry. So I use the idea of suicide as a cushion for my depressive lifestyle. I use it too dictate my decisions, thoughts like ""Oh well I don't have to that cause ill be dead soon enough"" occur all the time. Sometimes its the only thing that calms my mind down. I don't think I would go through with it at the moment but I always turn to it when Im having dark thoughts. I've even gone to the extent to know exactly how i'd do it. Carbon monoxide poisoning. Turn on the car and painlessly fall asleep. Anyways sorry if that was long. Looking for any tips, and would love to hear anyone else's story on this topic. See how life fucked you up :).",-0.9805,negative,sad 924,depressed,I'm so lost,speaker,1,"Lately I have been going through a lot of ups and downs. Life has honestly turned into a rollercoaster. I sometimes feel like no one understands me. I feel like no matter what i try to do I end up messing it up and end up a thousand times more nervous. I have developed various ticks due to constant nervousness. I used to smoke a large amount of weed to help escape but have stopped and in some way I'm glad cause I felt that it was really slowing me down and has caused some damage in the long run. I have felt lately that I'm getting back to how I used to be but am still lacking. I don't know why exactly I'm posting here other than I feel like I feel like I'm getting depressed and have reached a near state of constant anxiety to the point where I might as well be standing on nails nonstop. A bit of a more in depth look at me, I grew up in a foreign country and since i moved back home I have been viewed as a rich snob. I know that I have had a more entitled life than others but know that it was never easy. It got worse when I started self sabotaging, I went from drinking everyday to feel slightly happy and more relaxed. I then stopped the drinking and switched to weed. Having stopped smoking I feel like I'm constantly anxious. I know that not smoking after everything has caused some of the anxiety. My parents have tried everything to help but don't seem to understand the root of the problem. My wife seems to be unable to advise me or I feel like she has no compassion for my situation cause she had a much harder life. I sometimes get her when she says man up that my situation is not as bad but it feels that after a bit it feels like everything around me is crumbling. I apologize for the long windedness and hope to just hear a friendly voice or to hear some encouragement cause lately all I hear (especially from myself) is how I can't seem to do right.",0.9798,positive,apprehensive 924,depressed,I'm so lost,listener_1,2,Do you have something to focus on which is vitally necessary like a job?,0.5574,positive,questioning 924,depressed,I'm so lost,speaker,3,For now no but i will soon so i hope that will help :),0.9046,positive,consoling 924,depressed,I'm so lost,speaker,4,Sure PM'd you,0.3182,positive,agreeing 925,depressed,"Even if I'm wrong, it feels right.",speaker,1,"I don't have a good understanding of social gestures and graces, and I'm extremely self-conscious of that. So whenever I do anything that I perceive to be a violation of those graces, I beat myself up mentally for being such a social retard. I wanted to be ""cool."" I'm not cool though, I'm dorky and silly. I hate that I'm like this. I wish I was cool instead. i try to put on a fake ""chill"" persona, but the ""real me"" almost always cracks through. Every time someone tells me that I'm ""such a fun guy,"" I feel like shit, because that's not what I want to be. Anytime I do poorly in school or mess up something at work (back when I had a job), I beat myself mentally for being such a stupid, useless moron. Everyone always tells me that I'm ""so smart,"" but they're wrong. I'm stupid. Everyone tells me that thinking this way is wrong. People call me out for holding myself to a higher standard than others. I guess they're right, but even if they are, I'm still going to think this way. It feels correct. If I don't punish myself for my stupidity, then no one will.",-0.9825,negative,ashamed 925,depressed,"Even if I'm wrong, it feels right.",listener_1,2,"I'll be honest I'm the same, I have a hard time being myself. I get how much it sucks because right now I broke up with my long term girlfriend and came to realize I have no friends now because I felt I had gotten along with her so well that I didn't need others. Now I'm back just trying to make friends and I'm stuck at this wall of I cannot act right.",-0.0291,neutral,lonely 925,depressed,"Even if I'm wrong, it feels right.",speaker,3,"Who is the person I want to be? That's really what I'm trying to figure out. I don't really know. As for who I am now, people say that I'm smart, but it's not true. I'm just very well spoken and able to write well, so it seems like I know what I'm talking about. I would't say that I'm driving or cool. I'm pretty dorky and silly. On the part about, ""forgetting what everyone thinks about you,"" the thing is, I don't really care what people think about me. Well, not as much as I care about how I think about me. I just haven't been able to accept myself, and I don't know if I ever will want to.",0.9646,positive,embarrassed 925,depressed,"Even if I'm wrong, it feels right.",listener_2,4,You wrote how I would respond to that question absolutely verbatum. To the point where it was a little creepy lol If you wanna talk always feel free to message me and also i wanna know if youre me from a dimension where interdimensional travel exists ,0.7024,positive,agreeing 926,depressed,[Serious] Really Depressed and emotions/thought out of control,speaker,1,"Hi. I'm going to try to keep this short. There's too much to say, if I say everything I need to it'll take me way to long to say it. I have been struggling with depression and anxiety for a few months now and it's already done some serious damage to my life. I have SPD which is when I overfeel things and emotions and thoughts that so.etimes just aren't there. I am thinking about suicide a lot more now (I'M NOT SUICIDAL, I SWEAR) I just keep thinking about it, ""how will people in school respond? How would my family respond? Would anybody actually cry or will they roll their eyes and say 'thank god, finally rid of that bastard'?"" I'm I feel like I'm on the last string here, I'm just abpositivetly banging against the door crying for somebody, anybody to help? Will they? Anybody? Before I loose myself? ",-0.9386,negative,ashamed 926,depressed,[Serious] Really Depressed and emotions/thought out of control,listener_1,2,"Take some time to let it all out. Schedule time to write everything, all of it, things you didn't want to leave here either.",-0.0191,neutral,sentimental 926,depressed,[Serious] Really Depressed and emotions/thought out of control,listener_2,3,"At least you can dream, I'm physically incapable of that.",-0.1531,negative,neutral 926,depressed,[Serious] Really Depressed and emotions/thought out of control,listener_3,4,How so?,0.0,neutral,questioning 927,depressed,Everything That Circulates In My Mind,speaker,1,"I've been single and never really taken interest in any girls during the majority of time I've spent in high school so far. I'm in my senior year, and I've finally found someone that makes me happy; makes me actually give a fuck about the shit I have in my life. I'm dedicated to my work ethic and focused primarily on that, until I met her. Maddie turned my life on top of itself. So much has changed, even on a daily basis. I really care for her and I've accepted all of the compassion she has to offer, and vice versa. However, I'm extremely scared for the future, considering I will be graduating and on my way to university. I'm also scared I will eventually bore her, and she will grow uninterested in me. I grew up believing that I was not good enough for the girl I longed for. I often think about her and it's hard for me to not think about her, even in times where I should be focused, like in class or during my basketball games. it is to the point where I try to imagine any imperfections that she might have, but I can't think of any. She's everything I've ever wanted. I realize that if I were to lose her, I would most likely be fucked up for a while. Her mom really likes me, and my mom really likes Maddie. I knew going into this relationship that I would have to be cautious as to not become absolutely head-over-heals, yet she still managed and continues to swarm my mind. I can't think about anything other than her. Even scents remind me of her, songs too. Her lips always taste good and I often get lost in her eyes when we lay in bed. I feel like a victim of Medusa. They're like the perfect brown and they even match her hair. She's grows on me like a cancer. Unstoppable. I think I love her. Perhaps I'm naive, but I've never felt anything like this before, and I've become addicted to it. It's euphoric. Sorry for the lack of proper structure; I've managed to type everything that crossed my mind in these short few minutes. This occurs on a daily basis for me, and it's been constant since I met her. I hope I don't lose her, for my sake. ",0.9542,positive,joyful 927,depressed,Everything That Circulates In My Mind,listener_1,2,Must be nice.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 927,depressed,Everything That Circulates In My Mind,speaker,3,"By reviewing your account, I think I’ve come to a conclusion in regards to how you feel on a daily basis. Perhaps I am wrong for this, however I’d like to share my input. You will find someone one way or another that satisfies every quality you’d ever wished for. These things often take time; I’ve learned this from experience. You might grow impatient and you might believe there is no hope. The only thing you can do is search for advice. I promise you that the traits you possess are sought after by many people. A partner who feels the same way or one who can heal you is on it’s way. Please tell me of my assumptions are incorrect, as I’m keen to hear of your situation. Correct me.",0.7090000000000001,positive,trusting 927,depressed,Everything That Circulates In My Mind,speaker,4,"It truly is great, however I genuinely believe that I care about her too much. I’m afraid of smothering her and losing her. I was in my economics class today and she kept crossing my mind. The only way I can describe it to you is if you close your eyes and imagine the following: You’re participating in daily activities. You try to keep from thinking about her to focus on your tasks. You then catch yourself coming back to reality, only to realize that your goal had failed and you started thinking about her again. You don’t even realize until you snap out of it and return. The closest scenario I can compare this to is swimming in a pool, attentive to your environment and the people around you. Suddenly, your head resurfaces out of the water, realizing your body sank into it’s depths. It’s like realizing you’re fucking plastered when you’re high as fuck. Looking into the mirror. Very, very strange. ",-0.1208,negative,caring 928,depressed,Why me?,speaker,1,"Ive posted here once but i never fully highlighted my pain, i dont have the effort to do it now either... But Im too depressed...im a refugee in germany and i simply hate myself. Ive never felt worse, never felt more alone before i came here. I recently turned 18 and honestly....i dont think i deserve whats happening to me at all. The thing that hurts most is i used to have depression before i came here and the way i cope with it was by eating, now i dont even eat for days! I cant believe im living in a point in my life where i cant afford food. I had dreams of going to uni and living life as a normal teenager, now im in a shelter surrounded by people who cant speak my langauge...i feel terribly alone and scared of the future. I dont belong here... I hope i die, i wish i died in the war...",-0.9878,negative,sad 928,depressed,Why me?,listener_1,2,"I know it really hurts to not live up to the expectations you set for yourself. Having a goal and failing to achieve it really hurts. But you have so much more time for so many more goals. Maybe this door closed, but it's not the only one in the room. There's windows, and maybe even other doors. Look through them and find something that makes you happy. Seize it, and give it your all. Even if nothing around you makes sense. Find happiness in something completely new, and you may just find life isn't worthless. Good luck, friend.",0.8170000000000001,positive,disappointed 928,depressed,Why me?,speaker,3,Iraq,0.0,neutral,disgusted 929,depressed,It is so fucking exhausting.,speaker,1,"You know what sucks, being the shoulder, the rock, the one everyone ""I can just talk to you"" you know what, fuck up, stop being a draining fucking succubus, ever hear of that thing called, reading the room, fuck, if I didn't know just how harrowing it is to be the rock and hold people secrets fears and pains in my mind, I would unload it all, why do we do the things we are destined to do?",-0.946,negative,agreeing 929,depressed,It is so fucking exhausting.,listener_1,2,It gets hard. Take a break. Step away. You're cool.,0.2263,positive,acknowledging 929,depressed,It is so fucking exhausting.,speaker,3,"Yeah babe, I feel you.",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 929,depressed,It is so fucking exhausting.,speaker,4,"I don't understand your head, I mean, is it your head? Or did your neck throw up.",0.0,neutral,embarrassed 930,depressed,"Keeping a daily schedule when you work in retail (erratic work schedule). How to manage cleaning, gym, and therapy? Have a sporadic social life. Any example schedules to manage depression?",speaker,1,"Keeping a daily schedule when you work in retail (erratic work schedule). How to manage cleaning, gym, and therapy? Have a sporadic social life. Any example schedules to manage depression?",-0.6199,negative,questioning 930,depressed,"Keeping a daily schedule when you work in retail (erratic work schedule). How to manage cleaning, gym, and therapy? Have a sporadic social life. Any example schedules to manage depression?",listener_1,2,Hey! First time ive actually posted on reddit but saw your post and youre in a very similar situation as me. Im 23 year old female working in retail and have to other girl roomies. I always try and at least do a bit of exercise on my days off be it yoga or a hiit workout at home. All you need is a mat and some light weights. I had really bad depression and horrible arthritis a few months ago but getting active has helped so much. Also i created a cleaning board for the house with all the different duties we can all do. Checking the list off felt so good and even though i didnt do anything else for the day it made me feel accomplished. Remembering to eat good and try and keep busy really helped me crawl out of it! Im not perfect today but i feel like im headed in the right direction at least. :),0.7424,positive,agreeing 930,depressed,"Keeping a daily schedule when you work in retail (erratic work schedule). How to manage cleaning, gym, and therapy? Have a sporadic social life. Any example schedules to manage depression?",speaker,3,Thanks! :),0.7345,positive,wishing 931,depressed,Can’t help feeling like I’m alone.,speaker,1,"First time posting, so I’ll give a little background on myself. A few years ago, I moved to the other side of the United States from my childhood home, where I had lived for 25 years. Since I’ve moved, I’ve felt like I’m alone, not having a social life to speak of. A few weeks ago, I took a vacation back to my hometown and saw a lot of people that I hadn’t seen in a few years. Now, just a few weeks after seeing them, I can’t bring myself to message them because I feel like I will be a burden or annoying people that don’t care about me after all these years, even though I just saw them. I know this is just my depression tricking me, but I can’t find a way to get around it. Even just posting this is difficult because I feel like I’m going to bother complete strangers on Reddit. Just felt the need to put that out there. Thanks for listening. ",0.1655,positive,lonely 931,depressed,Can’t help feeling like I’m alone.,listener_1,2,I'm sorry you're feeling this way. It may be the depression tricking you. It might be that you don't feel worthy of their attention. I don't like contacting people from my hometown either. They seem to have it together and I don't. I feel like they would maybe talk to me out of pity. ,-0.8814,negative,lonely 931,depressed,Can’t help feeling like I’m alone.,speaker,3,"This actually sounds much closer to the core of it. But I don’t understand why I feel like I’m not worthy. I work hard, I make decent money, I pay my taxes. But I can’t seem to get comfortable in my now 3 year home. The only real relationships I have are with coworkers and the few family members I have here. ",0.5253,positive,lonely 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,1,"I am diagnosed with depressive disorder as well as a really good friend of mine. She is in a much worse state and is at the point of committing suicide. I am the only person with who she has shared her suicidal with. She told her psychologist that she sometimes thinks about it but she is too scared to tell the full story. The other day, the last time we talked that was like a week ago, she told me that no-one understands her. That het feelings get worse everyday. That nobody sees her cries for help. That nobody congratulates her to be alive the next day. She told me that in real life not through text. When I see her walk in school I can clearly see that she is getting worse, i can see it by the look on her face, the clothes she is wearing, the way she walks. Is there anyone who has any tips for me? Because im at the point of not knowing what to do anymore and it scares me.",-0.8596,negative,trusting 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,listener_1,2,You are her cry for help now. Tell someone.,-0.1027,negative,guilty 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,3,Who should I tell.. I told my friends and tomorrow im going to call for special help but idk if that will help.,0.7717,positive,apprehensive 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,listener_1,4,Tell her parents. If you can get into contact with them tell her therapist. If you have a trusted teacher you could try telling them. You could even call the suicide prevention lifeline to ask for advice and give her their number as well. Encourage her to use it.,0.5106,positive,suggesting 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,5,Can you give me an example of some fun things to do? Because atm there isnt really anything I find “fun” doing.,0.5106,positive,questioning 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,listener_2,6,"Exercise. Crafts. Odd jobs involving light work for neighbors. I know what it is like to simply feel dead, and I am still partially dead no matter what, but I need to keep my hands and brain moving. I always seem to find something to get focused on. ",-0.2112,negative,anxious 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,7,"I asked if she might wanted to hang out and she said yes! She did told me that she needs to see and wait until she feels good enough to go out, but I think it’s a huge step for her to even consider this. Thank you.",0.8706,positive,impressed 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,8,"Thanks, this might help.",0.6808,positive,acknowledging 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,9,"Her parents already know about her depression and her previous suicide attempt. Im (trying) getting in touch with some help tomorrow but I dont know if it will help. All I know right now is that every second that I wait longer, the chance of her committing suicide gets bigger. Thanks for your response.",-0.0387,neutral,questioning 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,listener_3,10,"Regarding the suicide hotline, I'm gonna disagree with the other commenter...I've read many cases where instead of getting the help, they'll just send in authorities to the residence.",-0.6597,negative,apprehensive 932,depressed,My best friend and I are diagnosed with depression. My friend is in a much worse state than I am. Her medication isn’t working like its supposed to do and I don’t know what to do anymore. Read my post please for a bit more depth on the situation and all tips are appreciated. Thanks,speaker,11,"Thank you for your advice. At the moment I am at the point that I’m litterly out of energy. I play football 4 times a week, 2 hours a trainig, I, ofcourse, still have to go to school and we have that period in the year where we have a lot of exams. Further I have my depression and her depression to deal with at the moment and it just drains me more empty than I already am. Thank you for your advice, I will put it to good use.",0.228,positive,wishing 933,depressed,Motivation,speaker,1,I feel like I can’t do anything. I’m supposed to be at work in 5 minutes but I can’t even get out of bed. My parents tell me to get out of the house but nothing sounds worth it. I don’t wanna watch sports or play video games or write music. I just wanna be in the dark. ,0.4312,positive,lonely 933,depressed,Motivation,listener_1,2,"Have you tried to speak to anyone like a doctor or a therapist? If you haven't been diagnosed with depression, and end up meeting the criteria, getting help can make all the difference in the world. ",0.128,positive,apprehensive 933,depressed,Motivation,listener_2,3,">getting help can make all the difference in the world. Yes...just very recently I heard about this very heartbreaking case where this preteen girl dealt with so many issues, she couldn't handle them anymore, and she took her life almost a year ago.",-0.1513,negative,caring 933,depressed,Motivation,speaker,4,I didn’t. I will today. ,0.0,neutral,ashamed 934,depressed,"Saw hope, but the walls are closing back in",speaker,1,"I feel like this is a self-pity-party and I hate it but I feel like I desperately need to put it somewhere, I desperately need someone, something to listen just to be able to get it out.. I never knew how desperately I wanted someone to understand, for someone to listen and be there in the dark with me, until I finally found it. You almost find strength in learning to keep it all to yourself, don't you? I had my safe reality built for myself, my room that even though I was alone in, the walls were thick and I could manage... It wasn't living but I felt like that would never happen anyway, this way I could function. No one needed to be let in. Hated myself, but at least no one would see it. Then someone came along who gave me a hundred reasons to let them in... Who made it feel safe... Who actually managed to bring light into this world I'd made. I felt like I could smile; people around me could even see it. I felt like I could breathe, I didn't hurt, I didn't cry... It felt like maybe, just maybe I could find something more than just sadness and numbness everyday. There was someone always there, long distance, but always there. But things changed... life changed and to deal with their own pain, they pulled away. They themselves withdrew, with little explanation, without letting me try to be there. I still tried, still do but.... The pain of feeling the walls closing back in is unbearable. All the voices of self loathing that had been quited are louder than they've ever been... This feeling that something is tearing through my chest.. like that feeling that nothing will ever change is heavier than before. Everything hurts again. My meds keep me from being completely useless but so many anxiety attacks and so much crying. That light is gone. Not that they don't want to help, not that they don't care, but they can't help... I still try to help, I can't help it. I feel alone again. I almost wish I'd never seen that light or felt any of that hope or warmth... Rebuilding the walls is more painful than the first time. Still, I'm trying. Trying to escape into books, shows, games... Anything that keeps things quiet but there's always those days aren't there? Where you can't find the energy to even listen to music because you know it's just going to hurt. Like I said... I know it's a pity party but I just need it out. Thank you for reading...",-0.9627,negative,lonely 934,depressed,"Saw hope, but the walls are closing back in",listener_1,2,Thank you for sharing. We are here to listen to you. Always. ,0.6486,positive,faithful 934,depressed,"Saw hope, but the walls are closing back in",speaker,3,"Same here, I think it's something many of us struggle with. Around others we can put on our faces, alone our worlds are heavy and dark. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. It helps and I'm trying, really trying on finding that happiness on my own. Thank you",0.8658,positive,grateful 935,depressed,What's the actual point of trying?,speaker,1,"If nothing makes me happy, why try lol? I mean I'm hard on myself but god damn, what's a second of happiness worth when my own mind will crush that with my reality? I'm trying and I fake and fake but seriously, it's just easier not to. Yeah I may hate myself but it feels I'm just probably a weird/shitty person, so again, why try? For tomorrow? For ""them""? For myself? The only thing making me laugh is reading that back to myself. ",-0.7809,negative,angry 935,depressed,What's the actual point of trying?,listener_1,2,"The best way to help it is to make other people happy, watching other people strive because you have helped them can really bring you up. It works for me at least. Thats why I'm letting others know...",0.8909999999999999,positive,sentimental 936,depressed,Thoughts from the floor of centrelink,speaker,1,"Because at this point I can't even be bothered sitting on a chair. My payments have been cut again and I don't know why, my housemate is an asshole and I'm physically hurting myself walking around to inspections to get away from him. And for explanation on the physical pain? I'm 20, I've been dealing with chronic pain and health issues since I was 14. In all honesty I don't know why I bother, my heart is constantly breaking for people I love who I can't help but I'm dealing with so much crap it'd just be easier if I was dead. Easier on me Easier on the system Easier on everyone around who tolerates me.",0.5837,positive,sad 936,depressed,Thoughts from the floor of centrelink,listener_1,2,How likely are you to self-harm? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 936,depressed,Thoughts from the floor of centrelink,speaker,3,Bout a 50/50 chance. I'm often tempted so it's either a case of I pick up the knife or I don't ,0.25,positive,apprehensive 936,depressed,Thoughts from the floor of centrelink,listener_1,4,"If you have self-harmed during previous episodes, then you know the consequences are difficult and avoidable. Either way, the only option is to follow the instinct to live.",-0.3612,negative,agreeing 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,1,I'm pretty sure I'm at the point where everyone else who knows me feels uncomfortable about me not having killed myself already.,0.7572,positive,confident 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_1,2,"No,... don't think that way",0.0,neutral,agreeing 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,3,"I'm legit sure people do think it. I've explained my situation to a lot of people online and there first response has been ""Why haven't you killed yourself?"". I hang out every few weeks to drink with a bunch of people that are supposed to be friends but are basically just acquaintances. They are all fairly successful people. All of them are in relationships and have frequently been in relationships. I am 31, work a dead end job and FA. They are so much better than me that there is a very real awkwardness between us. I've overheard one of them talking to a friend saying ""I won't get better"". If they think my situation is so dire they must be thinking why the fuck I'm still alive.",-0.1061,negative,jealous 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_2,4,"Do you have the full understanding of what your crew thinks of you? It is likely we never have a full set of scripts for investigating what people think of us. We do not have enough data to make certain assumptions, but we do it anyway and suffer toxic ruminations. ",-0.6369,negative,questioning 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,5,"Well I know for a fact that they talk about me when I'm not with them. I've had confirmation from several people. I overheard one of them belittling me to someone else about my job when they thought I wasn't there. I have enough evidence to suggest that I'm viewed as slightly more of an outsider compared to the rest of them. Recently one of my friends invited our entire friend group to his wedding except me. I even attended his sons christening when most of the others didn't show up. This was a week prior to him sending the invitations The gulf between how successful me and my ""friends"" are in life is huge. They judge others on how well they're doing when they're in my presence, so why wouldn't they judge me too?",0.9565,positive,confident 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_3,6,">I know for a fact that they talk about me when I'm not with them. I've had confirmation from several people. Since you're absolutely certain they talk bad about you behind your back, and view you as an outsider, maybe you should consider dumping them. You don't need 'friends' like these. Nobody does",-0.7947,negative,agreeing 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_2,7,"Ok, you have some basis for seeing the situation as you currently do. Isolate every perspective in the group and consider how surprised you would be to find out that each member has differing views. You can also make up for perceived lack by just being a consistently good chum and that will pay off when other members of the group fall away, but remaining people still want to hang out. Position yourself to be the loyal friend while ladder climbers dump the group eventually. ",0.7684,positive,neutral 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,8,At this point i dont really care about trying to please them. Id rather just distance myself from them and dont really care if I lose them.,-0.7261,negative,content 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_3,9,">Id rather just distance myself from them Well, there you go. It appears that you know what you want to do.",0.34,positive,angry 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,10,"They're very subtle about it but I'm not naive to how they perceive me. I don't know if I need them or not. I haven't been in the situation yet where I have no close friends group. If i lost them, I would only have aquaintances left and I'd probably be contacted just a couple of times a year. Im not good at making new friends, nor do I want to. Tbh I'm in a constant suicidal state where I don't even care for myself. I don't ever make an effort to be around these people, it's always them that try to get me to hang out with them. It is a very complex friendship. The longer I spend time with them the further we will drift apart because as they keep progressing through life, I either regress or just stay in the same state.",-0.9114,negative,apprehensive 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,11,"It's just doing it that's the problem. If they ask me to come out with them when I'm lonely, it is likely I will go. I've been trying to distance myself for a while now. I hope that they will stop contacting me but at the same time I feel like if I don't kill myself I will probably live to regret that decision.",0.5279,positive,apprehensive 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,listener_3,12,"Are you OK with just having acquaintances or do you actually need a friend group? If you are fine with it, and you don't feel comfortable with your current friend group, then it's unhealthy to remain..especially if they consider you as an outsider",0.6163,positive,questioning 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,13,"I honestly don't know. I feel like I would be lonely but I don't particularly deserve friends. It's also awkward not to be friends with them because I would still run into them. I live in a small town and I work at a supermarket. Even if I wasn't to go out for anything other then work, I would still see them when they go shopping.",-0.7827,negative,lonely 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,14,"I'm not saying they want me to, just that they probably think I should.",-0.0572,negative,suggesting 937,depressed,Why am I alive?,speaker,15,I don't think it's them licking their bosses genitals that male them better than me. It's probably more like just generally being better inherently and in execution. They at least work hard to improve while I'm just a fuckin loser that does nothing.,0.7506,positive,jealous 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,speaker,1,"Whenever I'm alone I feel good, but still depressed I think I've had depression for awhile now. My family makes me even more depressed I have no idea why. I just don't care about anything or anyone. I'm not close with my family at all. Its just a bother to me to talk to my family. I also just want to die, but like only be sleeping forever and never wake up basically like a coma. Is there something wrong with me? I've always been depressed school even makes it worse on me it makes me want to die more.",-0.9919,negative,lonely 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,listener_1,2,"life is meaningless, our parents are full of shit, so is society. There's nothing worth putting effort, so not a whole lot one can do about that",-0.8001,negative,neutral 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,speaker,3,You speak the truth of words.,0.3182,positive,confident 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,speaker,4,Is that a correction? Thnx,0.0,neutral,questioning 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,speaker,5,They don’t even know my personality or how I am I rarely talk to them since I’m in my room all day and lock myself in it. I normally go on my computer all day and night sometimes I don’t bother to go out when they’re out there. I always think my family is annoying to me since they use my room literally as a storage room to put clothes into because it’s “clean” And they make a mess in my room and don’t pick it up. I just hate talking to them so much I don’t bother anymore.,-0.9136,negative,annoyed 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,listener_2,6,"Yeah, I put wise instead of *worse. Si si",0.29600000000000004,positive,ashamed 938,depressed,Everything makes me depressed or annoyed.,speaker,7,O mk ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 939,depressed,School,speaker,1,"I recently started a higher level of school and find myself completely overwhelmed all the time. I used to do very well in school topping all of my classes but now I’ve failed 3 tests in my first term and every one weighs on me. I always either want to throw up or punch a wall so I don’t know where to go from here. I’m scared I’m gonna fail out of my program and disappoint everyone around me. If anyone has anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks ",-0.7889,negative,anxious 939,depressed,School,listener_1,2,"If you are in college, I recommend talking to the school academic advisor. Also, talk to your professors after class and ask what you need to do to improve your grades. Also, going to office hours or TA study sessions really helps (in my opinion). Good luck! I'm currently in college and it's so hard so I empathize. ",0.9121,positive,caring 939,depressed,School,listener_1,3,You're welcome! I'm also glad to know I'm not alone in my struggles.,0.6738,positive,grateful 939,depressed,School,speaker,4,"I started searching for one last night, hope to hear from them soon. If you know any sources to find good tutors, it would be much appreciated. Thank you for the advice though, everything helps",0.9217,positive,encouraging 939,depressed,School,listener_2,5,Wyzant Craigslist Parliament tutors These are my tutor sources,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 940,depressed,Waves of depression and constant feeling of loneliness,speaker,1,"I feel like I've been depressed for a decade now, but never really thought much about it until recently. I have no idea why I'm like this, and usually I try not to make too big a deal out of it because, since it comes and goes, the second I feel like seeking help, I think I feel fine and it's just all in my head. But there are so many hours I spend in numb agony. It feels like waves of depression hit me and suddenly I'm feeling so down, so profoundly sad that everything hurts, everything positive ceases to cause me any joy. Lately, it's been happening almost every day, multiple times a day. I don't remember the last time I was genuinely happy. I don't remember the last time I felt fine for a considerable amount of time. I feel like it's gotten worse this year. I think it was one of the key factors in losing a relationship with the only partner that has ever treated me right. To be honest, I'm not sure if I loved him towards the end anymore, but we're on good terms, and I will always remember him fondly. I don't think he is the cause of my depression because I was depressed before we even met. By the end of our relationship I felt alienated and uncomfortable among people who used to be the closest of friends, and I feel like he was just the last to leave me. Anyway, since losing this partner, I've been unbelievably lonely. I really want to start something with someone new, or at least meet a new friend that I can open up to, but I don't know how. I'm no longer in college, and it never occurred to me how people make friends in the real world. I'm quite introverted, though I tried working on my social skills at one point, and it makes things even harder. The very few people that I still talk to, and have managed to retain as friends - I feel bad about burdening them constantly with my depression - it's just too much. But I'm miserable. And I feel so useless and unproductive. Every second right now is painful, and the stupidest things make me feel completely worthless, and out of place in this world. I feel like this post is completely incoherent, but I'm not capable of writing anything better at the moment. I've never written about my feelings like this before. I just hope that someone reads what I wrote and understands me, at least a little bit.",-0.7228,negative,sad 940,depressed,Waves of depression and constant feeling of loneliness,listener_1,2,"i know how you feel like legit. it's been 2 years now since the first time I noticed I wasnt as ok as it seemed. although I broke up with her (I just found out i wasnt that in love with her), i still miss everything we had, and used to do together. im not excusing myself with this, i was depressed even before we met, but this is getting kinda hard and difficult to go through. i feel unconfident, worthless, hopeless, unloved, totally fucked, ashamed for everything ive done and everything i havent. it's a constant feeling of emptiness that never disappears, it's just too much to be honest..",-0.982,negative,agreeing 940,depressed,Waves of depression and constant feeling of loneliness,speaker,3,"Thank you for your answer. I'm sorry you feel the same way as I do, and at the same time, I'm happy that someone sympathizes with me. I hope we can both find a way towards something meaningful. I mean, my goal in life was never to be happy, but I do want to be fulfilled. Maybe you think this way too.",0.8272,positive,sympathizing 941,depressed,I fucked up real bad and I just need to vent a little bit sorry,speaker,1,Okay so I used to have this friend that was amazing we always talked and she and I would always make each other happy with just each other's care and compassion and overtime we started dating but kept on breaking up and getting back together from reasons then overtime we had to go to different ways because we were starting to go to different schools so we couldn't talk as much as before but still kept in touch but after some time with all the stress from school work and other problems I started to lose my feeling to be nice and compassionate to people after more problems with some of my friends and her we had to talk and that's when I fucked up I forgot that I was starting to be rude to her and told her that I didn't care what she was talking about and then she told me that she was tired of trying to help me and that it was just draining to her . She just told me that today and I feel like a piece of shit for doing this to her and I don't know what to do . Thanks for listening I guess I don't even know anymore,-0.7056,negative,neutral 941,depressed,I fucked up real bad and I just need to vent a little bit sorry,listener_1,2,"Apologize fully, explaining that you understand how draining you've been to her. ",0.1027,positive,sympathizing 941,depressed,I fucked up real bad and I just need to vent a little bit sorry,listener_2,3,Are you in the right thread?,0.0,neutral,questioning 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,1,"Hello, I come to you for help with the situation I am at. I have a girlfriend, her name's Stef. We have been dating for 3 months now, and honestly she is the best that has happened to me. She makes me very happy and to me she's perfect. The only problem is, she has severe depression. That is not a problem in itself, but once she gets depressed a lot of things happen. She has said herself she starts thinking everything is wrong and usually any little thing can cause a big argument. I always try to stay calm and try to help, but sometimes she even gets aggressive, mentally and sometimes even physically. I think this is not rare for someone with this kind of depression, specially someone who is not getting medical help. Most of the time though, the arguing happens online. When we see each other, we're happy. I can see her being happy, and smiling and I think genuinely having a great time. But every time we can't see each other, usually because she has school stuff to do, her depression hits her. A lot of times we get in an argument she gets mad for something simple, and I try to be patient but I don't always make it because even if everything's okay she'll just start accusing me of lying or not truly caring, things like that. Most importantly, almost every time she gets depressed she breaks up with me. She says it's not going to work out and that it's going to hurt more later and that it's for the best. Every time this has happened it happened online though. I always convince her to talk in person, usually the next day, and when I see her I talk to her but try to respect her decision, not doing anything we would normally, getting too close, not even hand holding. But once I see her again, she's not depressed, she's happy and cheery and she's the one that starts doing those things. She says I make her happy and that she's sorry, that I'm the best thing that happened to her and that she's very lucky. I'm glad I make her happy and she makes me happy too, but I don't know what to do anymore. Last night, she got mad/sad because ""she felt I didn't really care for her"" because I didn't talk to her all afternoon because I had no internet while hanging out with some friends (Note: I invited her over, she couldn't because of school work). She said she had been thinking about suicide for 2 weeks now, constantly. We had just had a really amazing weekend where we spend all Friday, Saturday and Sunday together, it was a great and fun weekend and I though I had never seen her so happy. And now she told me this and just straight up stopped answering. Naturally, I took an uber immediately and came over. She didn't even open the door, she just talked to me online saying ""I finally calmed myself enough to go to sleep. You know I hate it when you come over without telling me. Go home"" and so after trying to explain to her I was just worried and wanted to make sure she was okay, I left. Once I got home, she messaged me saying that it was enough already and that it was probably for the best that we left it like that. I messaged her asking to see her today so that we could talk in person, but she hasn't answered yet. I have had depression before but nowhere like she has and I want to know what are the best things I can do when she's feeling like that, I feel like I have to be very careful because anything could make her feel worse. Ignoring her I don't think is a possibility, I don't want her feeling like I don't care about her, and trying to calm her down is an uphill battle that most of times hurts a lot because of her telling me to shut up and saying hurtful things. TL;DR My girlfriend gets depressed almost every single time we can't see each other, and some of those times she breaks up with me. Once she's feeling better she usually regrets it, and says she loves me and I make her happy. Do you think she actually wants to break up with me or is that her depression talking? What is the best thing I can do when her depression strikes, knowing that in the past nothing has worked?",0.9897,positive,disappointed 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_1,2,she breaks up with you cause she can't see you? This is beyond any helping.,0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,3,"She doesn't break cause she can't see me, I don't think, I think she breaks up when she can't see me, and mainly because she gets really depressed and starts having bad thoughts.",-0.7959999999999999,negative,sad 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,4,"I have been thinking it could be the case, too. I think that is what her mom was diagnosed, it's very hard for her. I had thought about this rule too, but online chatting is actually how we met, and she already feels sometimes like I don't care enough for her, I'm scared she might take it too hard. I will try to have this conversation with her, if you have any tips let me know. I am already feeling tired emotionally but that doesn't mean I will give up, I love her and when we're together I couldn't be happier, and I want to make her as happy too, or at least keep trying. My sister suffers from depression and has had a total of two serious boyfriends because that left her because they got tired of her mental illness. I would hate to be that kind of person, specially because I love her and I know she's worth it. ",-0.9413,negative,apprehensive 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_2,5,"The way I would frame the ""no text"" rule would be how it would be to HER benefit. -You know she gets emotional and sends rash texts. -You don't believe she really means it because she keeps taking you back, and if she didn't really want you she wouldn't do that. -You suspect that she's ashamed of how she pushes you away and gets emotional over little things, and you think this might be a good way to avoid her having to go through that shame. -Make it super, super clear that this is 1) an experiment to see if it helps, ask her to try it for a week, and 2) NOT meaning you want to be around her less. You're just trying to make things more predictable and stable for her. Then replace the texts with an assurance action. Basically a regular ""this is exactly how/when we'll see each other"" schedule. :General gist: I will call every morning to confirm that I can come by at 'whatever time' later that day. I will call one hour before meet up time to make sure it's still okay. When I come over I promise to spend at least x hours with you. On Xdays I'll take you out on some kind of activity/date. Is this much? Totally. Hopefully it will calm her anxiety to know exactly when she will see you and for how long. It's predictable. There's safety and a feeling of control in predictability. Purpose is to put up boundaries that protect both of you, and to create stability out of chaos. Also to play to her strengths. She's good face to face. She struggles when remote. So you're trying to make it easier by playing to her strengths and keeping it face-to-face. Explain all of this. Ask to try it for a week. If it's successful, then keep on with it. I have NO idea if it will work.. I'm just throwing out ideas. Lol. Totally up to you what you do with it. Good luck! ",0.9923,positive,trusting 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,6,"This all sounds honestly really fucking great, I think I will do exactly this. Thank you very much for taking the time to give this detailed an answer!",0.8965,positive,agreeing 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,7,"This was all great, thank you for letting me know from a more informed point of you. I will make sure to try all of this, it just makes sense. I do happen to lose my patience sometimes and end up being accusatory, I will try to do this less often and bring up the subject of getting medical attention. Regarding the physical violence, it has happened twice that she just pushes me really hard, but I can tell it mostly comes from the frustration she's feeling at the moment about us and herself mostly. I have talked to her about how that is bad and to please don't do it, and I think she gets it. We'll see how it goes. Thank you again for taking the time, your post helps a lot.",0.1664,positive,trusting 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_3,8,Lol just how bent out of shape are you?,0.4215,positive,questioning 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_4,9,not really appropriate for /r/depressed have some respect,0.4767,positive,agreeing 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_3,10,Don't you have women to not be having sex with or something?,0.0,neutral,questioning 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,11,Hahahah what did I miss,-0.1531,negative,questioning 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),listener_5,12,"Fawk, I reread your post. Some of what I said doesn't apply as well. Hopefully some of it helps",0.5402,positive,consoling 942,depressed,My girlfriend's depression (Please help),speaker,13,"No, I actually think I can use this. Next time she gets like that I will try it, it might work out for the best or she might get mad and/or sad, but it might help on the long run and hopefully be the best for both our mental healths.",0.9337,positive,consoling 943,depressed,I'm not Drinking or Eating Anymore,speaker,1,"I deserve punishment for being stupid and worthless. No one cares if I live or die anyway, so in the end they'll be less wasted oxygen in the world.",-0.9637,negative,furious 943,depressed,I'm not Drinking or Eating Anymore,listener_1,2,Do you have any reason to live at all? You atleast want to communicate with others and that shows your instincts are still vitalized.,0.4215,positive,questioning 943,depressed,I'm not Drinking or Eating Anymore,speaker,3,Others don't care. I mean I don't blame them for not caring I'm disgusting.,-0.1139,negative,disgusted 943,depressed,I'm not Drinking or Eating Anymore,listener_1,4,Give yourself some time...a nice future could be just around the corner.,0.4215,positive,hopeful 944,depressed,Advise for a heartbreak?,speaker,1,"So I’ve never posted on reddit until now, so I’m not really sure what to or what not to say. I honestly don’t even know if I am really looking for advice, or just trying to vent off my feelings so I will stop thinking about it. So before I get into my little story I would like to share that I’ve had a pretty depressing time for a while. It all started when my older brother was shot and killed during my senior year, and the only person I had in my life to talk to when things went tough was my mom. And during my brothers death my mom was In South Carolina helping my I chloe who was hit by a drunk driver a week prior. And since my brother passed I had a tough time, from every girl I liked hooking up or dating my “close” friends including “the one that got away”, a different that I kind of liked even told me that she wished I killed my self, and then just last December three days before my 22nd birthday my mom died. I’ve had no one to talk to since then and kept holding in my depression. That was until I reconnected with “the one that got away” just a few months ago. Back in high school I wanted to ask her to be my date to homecoming and I told my mom and I brought the girl over and my mom told me she didn’t like her and that I needed to stay away. So I didn’t ask her out when I had a chance. Then my best friend at the time went behind my back, asked her out and they dated the rest of senior year. I ended up running into her at a party and she was telling me how much she liked me and I told her that I liked her a lot too. I asked her out on a date and that’s what brings me to reddit today. Things where going great, except for the fact that I wanted a relationship and she didn’t. We would go on dates, talk on the phone till 2 am, and she even took my V-card. She would say that she deeply appreciated me, but she would also constantly tell me to not create feelings for her. She would ask questions about my past and I felt comfortable enough around her, so I always gave her a truthful answer. After about three weeks she texted me saying that my depression was not good for her and that we couldn’t see each other because of it, but she said she still wanted to be friends (what every guy wants to hear). So over the last two almost three months we’ve been texting and I’m trying to show her that I am a happy person, and her responses are not like they use to be. She use to use smiley faces and emojis and tell me story’s over text and now all I get are half assed or no responses. I can’t stop thinking about her and how I some how fucked up again, and now I also have to live with the thought of what could have been. I’m currently feeling like I want to be with her, but at the same time I feel a lot of pain and a little hate. And I never feel hate. I honestly feel a little better just getting this out of my mind and somewhere else. So if anyone took the time to read this and has any advice or anything to say, please do, I could really use it!",0.9283,positive,apprehensive 944,depressed,Advise for a heartbreak?,listener_1,2,"Well, two things. You should probably schedule a few appointments for yourself with a therapist to talk about your mom and brother. Those are very tragic events, and you really need someone to talk to about them even if they happened several years ago. So I suggest making just a few appointments and see how it goes. But it's better to do it sooner than have built up emotions come out years down the line. As to your ex, heartache is horrible. But if you have depression, as long as you are trying to manage it by helping yourself and getting help for yourself (not by pretending to be happy), then whoever is with you should accept that part of you and be willing to love you for you. If not, as this girl wasn't, then you didn't fuck up- there's just nothing you can do about it and she's not the girl for you. She's not a bad person either, she's just not the girl for you. The two best pieces of advice after heartaches are cliches and no one ever wants to hear them, but they are almost always true. One is that it gets better with time. It would be best for you to end your friendship with her given the feelings it generates in you of not only love but hate. The longer she is in your life, the longer you will struggle. And though it may feel like the end of the world, honestly time will help dissipate much of that emotion. The other cliche which suck to hear but is true is that you are young. Your life is ahead of you and you never know who will come into your life later. Just tonight I was talking to a couple about how they met. He was engaged prior and the girl broke off their engagement. So he felt like the end of the world happen, moved to another city and slept on his brother's couch. He finally started getting back on his feet, found a job, his own place and got on with his life. Then one day he met the woman who is now his wife, and seven years later they are still madly in love. I don't believe things happen for a reason, or even when one door closes another one opens, but what I do believe in is that when something is breaking, little good ever comes of forcing it to work- which is what you are trying to do. Your relationship with her is breaking for a reason, so if you force it to work, it will most likely just break again- even more catastrophic- down the line. So just as with the husband tonight, I'm sure he tried to save his other relationship. But if she had a reason to doubt that she loved him, then forcing ways to save it now usually postpones the inevitable break again in the future. This girl knows quite a bit about you. If she doesn't love you, or can't handle being with someone with depression, it doesn't mean you fucked up. It means you aren't right for each other. So end the friendship with her so you can work on moving on from her one day at a time. ",0.9961,positive,suggesting 944,depressed,Advise for a heartbreak?,speaker,3,"Thank you so much!! That’s story is quite amazing! Thank you for taking your time to read and respond! I really do appreciate it! Honestly just talking about it on Reddit has helped a lot with getting over her, and I cannot wait to find that feeling again!",0.9518,positive,acknowledging 944,depressed,Advise for a heartbreak?,listener_1,4,I'm glad what I said helped. And it's great to hear you are already looking forward to the future rather than staying miserable about the past. ,0.5994,positive,acknowledging 945,depressed,I have a friend who’s depressed.,speaker,1,He has had trouble with confidence and always second guess’s himself. He feels lost and depressed a lot and sometimes binge eats to cope with it. Any advice for him would be great.,0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 945,depressed,I have a friend who’s depressed.,listener_1,2,Best thing to do is carry on being there for him. My friend is going through a break-up and he's feeling pretty depressed. On top of that he drinks which makes the depression worse for him. I also give my friend space so he can do his own thing and it's not like I'm suffocating him. Being there for him will show him that you care and it will give him a sense of comfort.,0.8621,positive,caring 945,depressed,I have a friend who’s depressed.,listener_2,3,"...about the binge eating - my holistic doctor says that the expectation that food will ""fill you up"" is erroneous, because it can't. she said you have to change that limiting belief and never expect food to make you feel full. binge eating happens when your life is out of balance, and you are trying to fill the void of what's missing from your life with food. somehow your friend has to find a way to view food as fuel ONLY. food is not a source of comfort or enjoyment or replacement for whatever is missing from his life. low dose naltrexone can help with binge eating with no side effects.",0.3612,positive,apprehensive 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",speaker,1,"Long story short, I keep failing my job search. I can’t get any interview. The problem is mental getting worse. Even I talk about my concern of not getting a job, all what I get is “sorry, the life is hard,” “no one will give you a job.” More and more I hear these word, my mental getting worse. I know my heart start freezing. Why people can’t just say positive words",-0.5859,negative,sad 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",listener_1,2,"I’m in the same boat. I am 33, unmarried and educated but I am having a hard time getting interviews much less an actual job. I’m drowning in debt, am a burden on my parents, and my emotional state has deteriorated to the point my family doesn’t like leaving me alone too long. I have all these negative things that rush into my head and then broke after my best friend and cousin who was the same age as me died and months later my cat I had for 13 years. A job would help keep my mind busy but I’m worried I’m going to be too tired and be unable to preform a proper job. I did get one interview but because I have a bachelors they would have had to pay me more and decided to go with someone else. Just keep applying, cast a wide net out and hope that something comes along. It has to otherwise I’m going to be evicted. ",-0.8573,negative,sad 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",speaker,3,I want job because it keep my mind busy and at least I have someone to talk to. I don’t have confident to perform proper job anymore and it was very long time ago since I really worked...,0.5423,positive,anxious 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",listener_2,4,"I'm.dorry to both you and the OP for this. I can't imagine that additional burden. I suffer from depression and self esteem issues but I'm fortunate to have a job, though somedays I feel like I fail at everything I do. Don't give up please ♥️ You both mean something to someone. I send my good jujus that you find something soon that can put you at ease even just financially.",0.8503,positive,sympathizing 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",speaker,5,"Yea right everyone says that situation. If you get a shitty job, you will screw so you have to do your research. But ..haha..I have only experienced super shitty one that no one every heard of like startup company operating only with undocumented people lol",0.4767,positive,neutral 946,depressed,"Job searching, mentally not feeling well",speaker,6,Nice! I hope you will get that job! ,0.7418,positive,encouraging 947,depressed,Don't know what to do next,speaker,1,"So I left the military this year and my life has been crap ever since. We moved in with family while we found our own place. Since this has happened they have turned me and my wife against each other to the point we considered a divorce after 3 years of typically happy marriage (no major problems just minor squabbles). They all tend to treat me like crap while even though it's been less then 30 days from the time we got here to moving out. My wife instantly started the don't touch me, no intimate anything. Not even cuddling while in bed, or anything. Even though I am a lease holder on the place were in they try to run it and not be considerate that we have a child and down talk me whenever I do something with him such as play legos or anything, or if he makes a mess I should have been watching him better. I have a great future ahead of me for college as I'm using my gi bill so 0$ college debt and I actually get paid to go and have a temporary job that pays me enough to pay all our bills with ease. I just don't know how long I'm gonna be able to last in this situation. I mentally and romantically lost my wife thanks to her letting them do their thinking for her. Financially I'm considering starting to hide all my assets from her so she dosent leave me high and dry with nothing. I can build myself very fast and am able to do alot for myself but I'm so depressed from all of this idk what to do anymore.",-0.5316,negative,angry 947,depressed,Don't know what to do next,listener_1,2,"Hey man, I'm so sorry to hear this. Be strong brother, know there's people out there who care. You need to get your ass down to your local VA and get some help. ",0.6071,positive,sympathizing 947,depressed,Don't know what to do next,speaker,3,Just her and her bf. I demanded to be on the lease just in case they tried anything bad. Which I'm glad I did as they can't do anything about it ,-0.34,negative,trusting 948,depressed,I feel awful,speaker,1,"No one cares, my boyfriend doesn't care and would rather watch a screen than talk to me. My friends don't care, no one could even be bothered to turn up to my 21st, they won't even reply to my texts any more. My work doesn't care, I am getting snowed under without any help. My family doesn't care, I am left on my own to deal with all of my hardships. I don't care anymore, what's the point? I'll still be in the same position in life in 5 years. I am no one. In the grand scheme of things my thoughts don't matter and I can't shake the feeling. I don't know what to do, I take pills, I go to counselling I do everything I can yet I am not better. I am still told that I am not helping myself however what am I to do? Pretend that everything will be fine? Pretend that I will wake up in the morning and my problems will vanish? I don't know what to do anymore, I'll just keep on going I guess.",-0.966,negative,lonely 949,depressed,I am lonely.,speaker,1,I've been lonely for so long. Sometimes it seems like it gets better but the loneliness comes back to me again. Some nights I feel so lonely that I can't handle it. I hate the quiteness of my room. I hate it. I can't stop using the internet watching youtube videos or movies just to comstantly entertain myself. I either sleep or use the internet when I'm at home. I hate that I don't have someone nearby me who I feel comfortable with. I hate that I used to have good people around me but I lost them. And I hate that I should depend my happiness not on myself but on whether I have people around me or not. I want to be emotionally independent but I just don't think I'm a person who is able to do that. I'm just so lonely tonight. I know this feeling is temporary and I hope it doesn't come back for a long while. I don't want to be like this. ,-0.9503,negative,lonely 949,depressed,I am lonely.,listener_1,2,"Sorry you're going through that, hang in there. I hope the feeling passes quickly. ",0.4767,positive,sympathizing 949,depressed,I am lonely.,speaker,3,Thanks. I hope it does too.,0.7003,positive,encouraging 949,depressed,I am lonely.,speaker,4,"Thesedays i feel so tired trying to talk to people. I even forget how to and I hate how awkward I look. And I hate the disappointments I get afterwards. I know I shouldn't expect at the first place but I can't help it. Sometimes even after I had a good time with someone I come back home and start questioning myself if I said anything wrong, what if the person actually hates me, and more what ifs. But again, time passes and I'm totally fine and later I get depressed. It's like an endless circulation. ",-0.9434,negative,embarrassed 949,depressed,I am lonely.,speaker,5,Yeah. Thoughts are scary. It's sad that it's permanent. Do you think there's no cure to it?,-0.743,negative,questioning 950,depressed,Don't feel connected to anyone,speaker,1,"There's people I know and hang out with a decent amount but that's it.it's making me feel like shit because I want to have a connection with them, but it just doesn't work out. I think the friends that I hang out with the most just see me as some awkward dude who fucks up all the time and creates stupid moments to laugh to. After a falling out, I feel like I don't really have much to offer to anyone in any kind of relationship. Humor:None, unless sharing memes made by someone else counts. I try my best to be close to people but it feels like when I do that no one else does the same. It doesn't even matter if we have similar interests and hobbies. I can't stop thinking about it for the life of me and all it does is make me hate myself.",0.8961,positive,lonely 950,depressed,Don't feel connected to anyone,listener_1,2,"After moving away from my birthplace I've had trouble making actual friends since when you're the new kid everyone already has years of relationships with each other and you begin from scratch. I've actually had people try to get close to me on many occasions but I kept pushing them back. It's nothing about them I just enjoy solitude with somethings in life. You'll have to take into consideration some people never trust others enough, some have trust issues and others just have secrets they're ashamed of. Be mysterious but don't be boring. I give out this mysterious feeling to some people because I tend to not talk a lot about myself. People get curious and try to get close themselves, asking me a lot of questions. That's actually how I met my latest best friend. If you open up about everything you won't be as interesting or mysterious to get close to. Just quit trying to put yourself to the front if you are, back down and let people approach you with those things. Trust is also very important if anyone entrusts you with anything and you live up to it chances are you'll get much closer than before. That's all the advice I can think of but you really need to write more specifics. What's your definition of close? What's the context of your friendship with those people? Eg school friends? Colleagues?",0.9881,positive,lonely 950,depressed,Don't feel connected to anyone,listener_2,3,That's good stuff man. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 951,depressed,16 and I honestly don't know what to do. Everything that could possibly go south has.,speaker,1,"Dear whoever is reading this, I am done. Like done for real this time. See I always thought I wouldn’t break, I couldn’t break. My dad lost his job and we went near broke, my parents always fought and my mother kept on saying things that drove knives into my heart. See my mom always scared me, she got pissed about nothing, barely let me out, I had zero freedom as such. That made me not ask too much from life. I had friends of thirteen years who brightened my day, who turned sweet in to sour, who were there for me when it was night. I did however forget one thing, even in the night there’s the moon's light guiding me and I didn’t realize the value of it till I saw complete darkness. On May 2nd of 2017, two days before my IGCSE board exams, my mom snatched my phone and read through each of my chats text by text- something I can’t believe I did not anticipate - and somewhere in the the thousands of messages, I must have forgotten to delete and it said “i’m gay”. She feigned understanding, maybe because she knew I would flat out deny it, and I did admit to it, hoping mine would have the same happy note to it as on one of my friend’s. Then it started. She told me dad would rather commit suicide if he knew and how I was ungrateful and “chose” a path just to bring them shame. How I did not deserve to live at all. How I didn’t deserve anything. She was screaming and crying, I was silent- I was just in a place I did not want to be in, I wanted to die for the first time in my life at 15. I remember this one day, walking out of the metro in the Middle Eastern country that was my home, my legs were shaking and I felt the world was spinning, I remember abruptly hitting a tree and using it to steady myself. Still, I kind of acknowledged my parents were running through tough times too with a job loss, failed business, a devilish partner and they were constantly fighting and crying. My mom kept on reminding me that she wanted to kill herself. It’s something she still constantly does at the smallest of things. I clutched on, my friends practically keeping me alive and I regret I didn’t thank them enough. Anyway, fast forward a month and I learned that I was leaving my home of nearly 16 years forever. I was going to India, a home country that was as foreign a place as any other. I feared losing the reasons (my friends) as to why I remained alive. Now, you see Mumbai is a nice place and I quite liked it but my mum of course ruined it and any day that I mildly looked forward to, just got me deeper into misery. So my IGCSEs results came out and I remember even that day she shouted over how irresponsible I was and how “me” I was because I had missed a full stop in a bloody email. What’s more funny is I aced my IGCSEs- in fact even topped the world and country in four subjects - yet she did not spare me. I think it would be a happy day in any other household. On my birthday that followed soon after, she started giving me the talk right as it struck 12, on how I would bring dishonor to the family and any of my bad choices would lead her to kill herself- effectively starting my birthday with tears, mine and hers. Oh well, you see at this point I didn’t really have friends in my new school and since my dad doesn’t know, he was still nice to me and even he at the last minute decided to remain back there as he got a new job. Anyway this November, I thought to myself, I am done with being depressed and that I would start afresh. I had friends by now. But less than a day after i had decided to be happy, my mum threw a tantrum, a huge one and I get all mums throw tantrums and you probably think oh, well he is depressed over nothing but I suck at telling stories- I mean as I write it I know I am not expressing even a fraction of how bad it is. But none of you would probably understand how it feels as for the second time your mom takes your phone, just because you didn’t wear a watch and that she thinks not wearing a watch is some secret gay code and looks through each of your texts in another room. The fear that you forgot to delete a message once again. I remember stuffing every rupee I had left into my underwear (enough for a week of food at maximum), not removing my contacts in case I had to run away from my house that night. You won’t get what it feels like to have to think about what you’ll do when you’re homeless and when that moment can be half an hour away. One cannot understand the kind of thoughts I had, whether I would have to prostitute myself during the day so I could afford exam fees and not end up like the thousands that die begging in the streets in Mumbai every year. You are thinking your whole life in half an hour and how you need to know whether you have enough stuffed in your underwear so you can buy some pills and overdose if all fails. And the thing is I cannot blame my mother completely either. Her only son being gay doesn’t fit in her plans, she still wants to send her child to a respectable college abroad with the little that’s left and I don’t even know what to do. It makes me feel like shit. But I shouldn’t feel like shit just because I want to kiss a boy and not a girl. Gay or not, I still know I have responsibilities towards them and will always oblige but refusing who I am is not part of a deal I can broker. Being responsible for them killing themselves is something I don’t want to live with as well. Honestly, I think I am at a point where I am just fucked- like utterly fucked and I don’t know what I want to achieve here by putting this here but oh well, writing keeps me away from the thought of death for today, at least. I really don’t want to die but more often than not, I don’t seem to have a choice. Sorry this is long. Thanks ",-0.9921,negative,devastated 951,depressed,16 and I honestly don't know what to do. Everything that could possibly go south has.,listener_1,2,"Hello friend. I'm sorry you are going through so much. In no way do I think you have no reason to be depressed, because you certainly do, but it is not your fault. It's terrible that your mother took your opportunity to come out from you. It leaves you feeling vulnerable and weakened. But you should find comfort in knowing that she knows you on a more real level, even if she doesn't like it. At some point in the future, you would feel this compelling urge to tell her the truth, and even if things were going perfect in life, her reaction would have still been the same and your feelings of shame would still happen. I don't know your mother, but I can guess that she has a narcissistic personality, and those types are very toxic and enabling. If you see your mother in that light, a lot of her behavior will start to make sense you and it will make it easier in taking her comments less personal. She doesn't care that your gay or that your doing great in your studies, she only cares about how it reflects on her. Always keep that in mind with a narcissist. You are going through a lot for a 16 yr.old and your awareness of the fact shows how mature and strong you are. You value your friends which I hope are good influences. Don't forget to value and love yourself. Keep kickin ass in school and I am sure the rewards you will reap will prove why the work and struggle was worth it. If you are concerned about needing to run away, I would suggest looking to other family members or friends if possible for support. Not sure how it's run in India but there might be sources for help there. You can also explore Reddit for posts about people in your similar situation that are considering running away. I'm not saying you should, but if you feel you need to, make sure you have a plan. Im glad you posted today. Everyone has their problems but not everyone has someone who is willing to listen. At least here, you are always welcome to express your feeling and thoughts. Hope you have a good day.",0.9972,positive,trusting 951,depressed,16 and I honestly don't know what to do. Everything that could possibly go south has.,speaker,3,"Hey, thank you for your message :) See, I really want to run away but I don't think it's what's best for m- so I don't want to be impulsive unless I really have to. My friends do know and they are like you can always come and stay at home for a while but like that's probably for two weeks, stretching it. I was considering talking to my school's Spanish teacher who has been doing some community service for gay homeless people but it's super awkward since I don't even take Spanish so I haven't really followed through.",0.9756,positive,apprehensive 951,depressed,16 and I honestly don't know what to do. Everything that could possibly go south has.,speaker,4,"Yeah, I do understand people have survived but it takes a lot of strength to when you are financially dependent. In that moment sometimes, it's too much I guess. But thanks, I have been trying to constructively solve my problems again, practically on my last straw- I just hope nothing excessive happens for the next couple of months.",0.9246,positive,neutral 952,depressed,Trying to get out tonight...,speaker,1,Been super withdrawn for months now. There's a comedy troupe tonight that I've really wanted to see for a long time. Don't have the kids tonight. Nobody to go with (stupid isolation). Got two hours to get ready. Legs feel like cement. I'm procrastinating like a mf! I'll male some coffee... one more ciggy and I'll go shave... Maybe a lil pregame action... 😥😅😅😅,0.9412,positive,ashamed 952,depressed,Trying to get out tonight...,listener_1,2,"I can relate to the feeling. Honestly, the hardest part is getting up and going. Once you do it, it's smooth sailing. But you can do it. The comedy will be good too!",0.8639,positive,confident 952,depressed,Trying to get out tonight...,speaker,3,Showered and shorn... go me! 🙄,0.0,neutral,confident 952,depressed,Trying to get out tonight...,listener_1,4,That's the spirit! I'm rooting for you ,0.2481,positive,faithful 953,depressed,"Once again, I'm caught in a downward spiral.",speaker,1,"Deadpool told me ""Life is a series of trainwrecks with brief commercial breaks of happiness."" I'm starting to see what he meant. My parents were never married, and their relationship ended violently when I was three. I was diagnosed with diabetes after my mom refused to take me to the hospital for weeks when I was six, and my dad abandoned me a few years later. When he did, my grandpa, who my mom, my brothers, and I moved in with when my parents split, got really abusive towards me, and my mom saw more of my dad in my face as I got older, which led to her resenting me. My health started failing really badly, and my disease came close to killing me a few times. The first person I could ever really connect to was a girl I met in fifth grade. We dated up until our freshman year of high school, but I'll get to that in a minute. In my eighth grade year, my grandpa started throwing me out of the house after I stood up to him about what he'd been doing. The rest of my family sided with him, which tore me up really bad. Since I wasn't welcome in my own home, I walked two miles to the girl's house in the middle of winter without a coat. Her mom took me in without question, and her family essentially became my family. After months of this, my mom forced me to break contact with her outside of school, so I turned to the last family I had and called my dad. He was shocked to hear from me, and I ended up living with him over the summer, going to my girlfriend's house every once in a while, only because my job took up most of my time. The time I spent away from my family got them to appreciate me more, but there was still plenty of conflict. At my dad's place, I was introduced to the LDS faith, and that led to plenty of arguments with my mom, including her refusing to sign a form allowing me to get baptized into the church. My dad apologized for ditching me, and I realized that he wasn't the bad guy. My mom and him were so bitter towards each other, and he wanted my brothers and me to have the most normal life we could, so he left us to save us from the screaming and fighting. Just in case it wasn't enough to hear that my family had been lying to me for years, my girlfriend broke up with me a year into high school, revealing to me after four years that she never felt anything for me and actually liked one of my friends the entire time. Now, after barely recovering and saving my relationships with as many family members as possible to some success, everyone's back to hating everyone. My mom got pregnant with some deadbeat and this time around, there's a two year old growing up right in the middle of it all. All of this has led me to a pornography addiction to mask the pain, which I strongly believe against, and it's caused a dip in my faith, which is really the only thing I have left. I don't know what to do. I'm caught in an unhealthy cycle. I'm tired of the lies, I'm sick of crying, and I'm done with life. I'm contemplating suicide just to escape the Hell I'm trapped in. I know our trials are meant to make us stronger, but they've just broken me so many times, and I'm tired of cutting my hands on the pieces. Someone please help me...",-0.9968,negative,devastated 953,depressed,"Once again, I'm caught in a downward spiral.",listener_1,2,"Cliche, but look at all the positives and build on them. I make it a habitual reflection and it helps. Another thing is that you are free to make your own life. Say it outloud.",0.9253,positive,proud 953,depressed,"Once again, I'm caught in a downward spiral.",speaker,3,"Yeah, a little cliche, but it helps. Thanks.",0.8338,positive,acknowledging 954,depressed,Why am I still here???,speaker,1,"So after some, well, life events... I’m currently in another country. I had plans to leave/‘run away’ I guess you could call it but not in the way that it happened. While being here there’s been some other events that have occurred and I’m still questioning how and why I’m still here (or well alive basically). For a moment I thought maybe I should go back and make things right and then I would think it’d be best to start a new life here but I guess the universe doesn’t want me to do either because now I’m missing a luggage (my main one), have pretty much no money (like I have a few cents in the currency here but it’s not enough to by anything at all), and I have no place to stay. Yesterday I stayed overnight at the airport here but since there’s police all around if you try to lay down and/or sleep one of them will come to you eventually and say it’s not allowed so I don’t sleep there but I just stay there since it’s better than the streets. Yesterday during the day and now today I’ve just been kicking it at a local library. Tonight I’ll go back to the airport, but after tonight I’m not sure where to go since it’s like a 2 hour walk to and from the airport and library and it’s getting colder and I didn’t carry many clothes in my backpack (that didn’t go missing). So I’m just wondering if there’s a god then why hasn’t he killed me off yet? Everything/one (including myself) would be better off. There’s some parts of the city her that I heard are dangerous and if no sort of miracle happens by tomorrow after I leave the library I’ll probably just stick it around in those areas and hope that some gang or something see and shoot me. I just wanted to vent this out no need to comment. Edit: someone guy (probably in his 30s or 40s) quickly stopped by where I was sitting at and he left a note and bag. The note basically said he saw me yesterday as well and he doesn’t know my problems or circumstances if any but he knows that I should probably be hungry right now so he got me a small apple and a small mandarin orange. It’s been about 24hrs since I last drank something/water and about 15hrs since I last ate something (and I haven’t been eating much these days either) and I wish I got the chance to thank him properly and I wish I had the money to return the favor. I highly doubt he’s reading this, but thank you so much stranger. I hope you live a lovely long life, best wishes. I still silently hope my life ends soon (like by tomorrow or something soon) but I also do really appreciate the kindness of the kind sir. If there’s a god, I hope for the kind stranger to have a blessed life ahead of him.",0.9974,positive,apprehensive 954,depressed,Why am I still here???,listener_1,2,"tragical story but, how is it possible that u havent sold ur mobile yet? i mean, it would be quite funny for me watching a homeless person asking for something to eat while posting at reddit xddd. anyway, just kidding, hope you're having some sort of luck as soon as possible...",0.9022,positive,encouraging 954,depressed,Why am I still here???,listener_2,3,Maybe OP used the library computer,0.0,neutral,suggesting 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,speaker,1,"In August I began my first year of college. My girlfriend of a year and half lives 3 hours away and things have been rough. Recently we broke up, and It’s because of me. I left. I chose to go. She hasn’t felt the same and I’m not there. It would take hours to explain it all but all I can say as I drink myself to sleep is that I fucked up. She’s the smartest, prettiest, most amazing girl I’ve ever met and if I let her go, I’ll never find a girl better. She’s so out of my league and I took that for granted. I don’t want to hear I’ll find another. I don’t want to hear that it’ll be okay. I just can’t get it out of my head. It’s real. It’s happening. The best thing that ever happened to me is leaving my life and I can’t do anything about it because I chose to leave. Anymore I find myself thinking about ending it more and more. In the car, in my dorm, anywhere, I just find myself hurting, numb, and just needing to let go of being. I can’t eat. I can’t breathe. I need help. I need help and I don’t know where to turn and I just need it to end. I need it to end. My life is falling apart and I’ll never be the same and I just need it to end. I need to end. I need it to end. I need it to end. I need it to end. ",0.9772,positive,ashamed 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,listener_1,2,Did you mean it's your fault because you left for school and ended up being 3 hours away from each other? Was long distance not an option?,-0.4696,negative,questioning 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,speaker,3,Long distance didn’t work. It caused the end.,0.0,neutral,sad 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,listener_1,4,But you left for college and that's what created the distance? ,0.3612,positive,questioning 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,speaker,5,Ya. I left,0.0,neutral,angry 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,listener_1,6,"But you left for something that is going to matter to your future... I understand that in some cases longitud distance doesn't work for someone, be it you or her or both of you, but you didn't just leave... You went off to do something for yourself and your future. You can't blame yourself for that. ",0.4453,positive,neutral 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,speaker,7,It’s hard not to. It was my decision and it led to this,-0.1027,negative,proud 955,depressed,I can’t get it out of my head. I just want it to stop.,listener_1,8,"Yes but your decision is for YOUR future, it's something better for you that you wanted. I know you don't want to hear all the cliches, I understand that. We're in the throes of our pain and we know what everyone is going to say so I won't say it but point is... If you chose this school because it's what you wanted, don't throw it all away because you feel like it's all your fault. ",-0.0984,negative,neutral 956,depressed,I tried to cope and I’m failing,speaker,1,"I liked quilting as a teenager because it’s creative problem solving that requires just enough mental energy to take your mind off intrusive thoughts. I used my mom’s fancy ass top of the line machine. My dad was an engineer so whenever the machine had issues he’d come fix it and show me how to do it so eventually I was a pretty competent machine operator! I stopped sewing when my mom died. After taking a 12 year break from any kind of sewing, I found a decent sale on fabric and decided to jump back in to quilting. I figured I’d make my kids some quilts so if I pass away before they’re ready they’ve always got a mommy hug like I have when I use the stuff my mom made. Also figured it would distract me during this holiday season since my mom has been gone 12 years and my dad has used that time to turn in to the most miserable asshole ever and my husband and kids are my only family. I’m super jealous of everyone else so I thought this would be good. Unfortunately we’re not quite as well off as my parents so I bought an $80 Singer and went to town. The first hour went well, then I had to change the bobbin and the machine wouldn’t stop jamming. I patiently troubleshooted the issue according to the manual which didn’t work, so I watched some YouTube videos. My machine keeps jamming. I’m really not sure if this is a user error or a defect of some kind. Either way, I’m not posting in r/depressed for sewing machine advice. I’m posting here because after an hour of patiently struggling with the machine I gave up and hurt myself which I also have not done in 12 years. I’m a grown ass woman who’s a wife and mother and a gainfully employed productive member of society, and I hurt myself like a scared teenager with no coping mechanisms. I feel like I’m set back 12 years. I’ve been doing so well. My depression hurts my family so much when it’s not under control. I don’t want to slide back in to this. I’m on meds and I see a therapist. I feel like a failure. I always tell my kids failing is really an opportunity to learn something new but I’m not feeling it right now.",-0.8063,negative,proud 956,depressed,I tried to cope and I’m failing,listener_1,2,"I've got literally no experience with any of your problems, except the depression part, so that's the only thing I can give you advice on. For me, the only way to fix my depression was to achieve acceptance with my traumatic experiences as a kid. I had a really hard time doing so, since all my therapists told me my problem was too big for me and they couldn't help me. I felt beyond repair. Eventually, I meet this new therapist who said she wasn't sure if she could fix me, but it could at least improve a little with this new treatment called EMDR. I was really desperate so I thought, why not? EMDR really worked for me. It's a treatment that isn't taken easily, but it will get you to the holy grail of acceptance, which is the biggest achievement for you to get right now (since it sounds like you haven't accepted the death of your mother yet). It does have some things to it though, it can make you feel really tired and it can even make flashbacks happen during the day. If I were you, I would inform myself by your therapist about EMDR. He or she will conclude if you are able to undergo the treatment. What you could do about your dad being an asshole: maybe he could go to your therapist together with you, and you three could have a talk. If you two talk about your feeling while the therapists leads the conversation, nothing can go wrong and let's be honest here: you've got nothing to lose with your dad, right? Maybe, if you tell him why you think he's an asshole, he'll listen and change his behaviour. The loss of your mother shouldn't mean you lose your father too. I wish you the best of luck and hopefully my advice was helpful. Stay strong! ",0.9873,positive,trusting 956,depressed,I tried to cope and I’m failing,speaker,3,"Thanks, I’ll look in to the EMDR treatment. My dad is in a really toxic relationship. His girlfriend is so emotionally abusive I don’t have the energy to get in to it. Over the past 8 years of them dating our family and friends have done everything short of lock him up to get away from her. He always goes back. I had to separate myself from him when his abusive girlfriend figured out that I figured her out and convinced my dad that I was on heroin and abusing my children. There was no evidence of this- happy healthy kids and he even forced me to pee in a cup which came back clean. In spite of all this evidence HE called CPS. He’s almost 70, I’m in my 20s, that was the last straw. So yeah, fuck talking to him about his behavior. I just wanted to make a quilt for my kids. Getting the angry shocked out of me sounds great though.",-0.7442,negative,faithful 957,depressed,advice appreciated,speaker,1,"I have more than one severe learning disability and a host of other mental health issues that I am trying to work out. A friend recently told me that I am just being overly dramatic. This really hurt and made me relapse with self harm (no need for details I am OK), and those words are repeating in my head like a record player. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. thank you.",0.2534,positive,sympathizing 957,depressed,advice appreciated,listener_1,2, The friend was mistaken. It doesn’t mean anything. You were just going down the wrong trail for a bit by believing what your friend said.,0.2023,positive,trusting 957,depressed,advice appreciated,listener_2,3,To add on remember even the closest people can have a hard time understanding and you shouldn’t blame yourself.,-0.4215,negative,agreeing 957,depressed,advice appreciated,listener_3,4,"This. I tried talking to my best friend about feeling sad and down and depressed all the time and she'd always respond with something like ""everyone has their days"".. it was extremely frustrating and made me feel crappy but I just decided that talking to her about it may not be the best. I went on to get help anyway. I know the words sting and hurt but her personal perspective has nothing to do with what you're actually feeling. ",-0.7749,negative,sad 958,depressed,im so sad,speaker,1,hello im so sad i have noone to talk to,-0.6113,negative,lonely 958,depressed,im so sad,listener_1,2,What's going on?,0.0,neutral,questioning 958,depressed,im so sad,speaker,3,hi. im so sorry for the late reply. last night had been one of those nights that i needed someone to talk to and all of the people i can talk to were gone and out. it was a bad night but i got through it. thank you so much for taking interest in me and my post. i really appreciate it so much. ,0.8631,positive,sympathizing 958,depressed,im so sad,speaker,4,hi. im so sorry for the late reply. last night had been one of those nights that i needed someone to talk to and all of the people i can talk to were gone and out. it was a bad night but i got through it. thank you so much for taking interest in me and my post. i really appreciate it so much. ,0.8631,positive,sympathizing 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,speaker,1,"I finally understand. I do ally get it. Men mean nothing to women. We are toys. We are things to pass time. Woman cannot love us. Because they think they are superior to us. I don't care anymore. I finally, truly, understand, men mean nothing to you. And I hope you all freeze in the deepest parts of hell. It's only a fraction of what you make us men feel. Have you ever wondered why there's a reason why females are always considered subhuman in every religion and belief in history?",-0.2723,negative,agreeing 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,listener_1,2,"Becoming a bigot is not winning... People are people, you cannot extrapolate mass correlations from your personal anecdotes. I want to be nice because you sound very down but that is no excuse for the disgusting things you said. You'll get past it though, learn to love yourself without needing another person and then who's laughing? ",0.7453,positive,disgusted 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,speaker,3,Try walking in my shoes for a day before you spout off at the mouth.,0.0,neutral,disgusted 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,speaker,4,0.2% ? Try over 50%. The hell did you get those statistics from.,-0.6808,negative,surprised 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,listener_2,5,Umm logic. I mean obviously there are going to be some women who hate men but thats a rarity.,-0.3291,negative,neutral 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,speaker,6,Your logic is flaud. Go outside maybe you'll see another human.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,listener_3,7,flawed*,-0.4767,negative,angry 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,listener_2,8,Ummm I go to school for 5 days a week for 8+ hours. I have contact with people almost everyday and since I am a girl most of the people I talk to are girls and pretty much none of them think this.,0.4939,positive,embarrassed 959,depressed,I get it now. I win.,speaker,9,Just because I don't flat out tell you they do it doesn't mean they don't do it and I also have been to college and talk to multiple people in all the Bros I talk to say that it does happen often to them,0.0,neutral,agreeing 960,depressed,Just need someone anonymous,speaker,1,"I don't really know how to start this off so I'll just be blunt about it. I'm depressed. I haven't told anyone and this is the first time I'm saying anything about it. I've been like this for about 4 years now I always feel like everyone hates me and I'm always letting everyone down. I'm a guy but I've always had only female friends other than sports teammates (which very few of them actually liked me anyways). It's always been so hard for me to make guy friends and I don't know why. I get made fun of at school and I always feel so out of place. It's not much better with my female friends either. I'm always everyone's vent, which isn't bad except for the fact that I can't ever vent to them. Well... I shouldn't say i cant vent to them. I just can't bring myself to do it. I just want them to be happy and I don't want to trouble them with my problems. I always try to be the shoulder everyone can cry on but I don't have that person in my life because I don't want to bother them. I want to tell my closest friend but I can't ever bring myself to do it when the time comes. I can't even tell my girlfriend. Every time someone asks me ""how are you?"" I always lie and say I'm ""good"", ""great"", or even that I ""can't be better"". And I'm always the one apologizing for everything because I don't want my friends to think that something is their fault. I don't hurt myself physically but I often find myself muttering the words ""I really want to kill myself"". I just don't know what to do. I'm sorry I made this so long but if you read all of it... thank you for being my vent.",0.9826,positive,lonely 960,depressed,Just need someone anonymous,listener_1,2,"hey hope ur ok! u can be sure that when u vent here, theres always someone to read it you sound like a nice guy & your friends are lucky to have you, if theyre always crying on your shoulder you obviously havent let them down or they wouldnt be there. Dont be so hard on yourself! Tell your closest friend. Tell him/her how you feel and you can always come back and update with a post, theres always someone to talk to Edit: try improving communication with your girlfriend so you can both get to a point where you tell each other stuff",0.9518,positive,encouraging 960,depressed,Just need someone anonymous,listener_2,3,I know things may seem hard now but they will get easier. You need to try to talk to someone. Im sure your closest friend and girlfriend will be more then willing to listen to you and help you. And I know that wat I'm saying is alot easier said then done. I have depression too. I try to hide it but I figured out that holding it in is so much harder then talking about it. It just tears you down. It is so helpful to have someone you know you can trust. I talk to someone about my problems and he helps so much. He means so much to me and I really trust him. You just need to talk to the people you trust the most. And the people who pick on you screw them Thats their own loss. You seem like an amazing person. Dont ever let anyone have the power to make you want to die or to make you upset. They can all jus go screw themselves. I hope that things get better. If you ever need to vent I'm here. ,0.987,positive,trusting 961,depressed,I have no damn idea what to do,speaker,1,"So i have had someone i liked for almost two years now i was rejected almost a year and half ago and currently we still well not as much and it seems to keep worsen as time passes the other person seems to lose more and more interest (or maybe is just genuinely too busy with her life to talk to me) but its kind of abusive i guess she knows i still feel the same way and ignores it? I think? Well she aint doing anything about it kind of left her a little while ago and she sent me a apology mail a few weeks ago the thing is i dont think she has anyone else she trusts leaving her as it is leaves me to worry about her being with her makes me feel..... Numb she is probably the one who can fix it but i dont know... Ima person who has been told that I'll be taken granted (because i dont leave), I'm not worth her time (she has too much studies to do) actually has like 1-2 more friends who im not sure she trusts as much but she seems happy with them with me its just her poker face? And would legit avoid me irl and is rarely there cuz of her studies. She probably has a hard life which I can't understand well... I dont know much about it but it hurts to stay and she might be alone if i leave her which wouldn't really be leaving her since she would be on my mind if she seemed even a bit sad..... I dont think leaving is an option? But i dont want it to be like she's just trynna avoid...... How long she'll ignore these emotions which have been here so long that i don't even know if she knows they are their anymore it hurts like a bitch I have no one else other than her no one to talk to just me alone i guess so i just had to let it out somewhere and actually want something out of it? I end up being an asshole to people around me cuz i dont want to get attached so i wont bother them with my problems at times in a mean way... ",-0.9889,negative,suggesting 961,depressed,I have no damn idea what to do,speaker,2,I have no one else other than her no one to talk to just me alone i guess so i just had to let it out somewhere and actually want something out of it? ,-0.6249,negative,lonely 961,depressed,I have no damn idea what to do,speaker,3,Its not forcing.....i don't even talk about it so it wont bother her its just she isnt going through a fine time in her life so i want to be there to help her but i dont want it to hurt this much._.,-0.4106,negative,neutral 962,depressed,I don't know.,speaker,1,"I'm really not sure where to start with this..I've never reached out in anyway, I don't really know how. I guess I'm just a little lost, and it seems like I have been forever. I relapsed a few months ago, and every time I get myself to a steady point it all spirals down again. I just dont know what to do..",-0.2601,negative,lonely 962,depressed,I don't know.,listener_1,2,What happened?,0.0,neutral,questioning 962,depressed,I don't know.,speaker,3,"It's not that anything happened to make me feel lost or to relapse, not that I can think of anyway. I've always been off, I wouldnt say that I suffer from depression simply because I havent been diagnosed with it. Its just like sometimes everything is good, I'm happy, and then I don't want anyone around, I don't want to talk to or see anyone. The longer it lasts to worse the relapse. I'm prone to panic attacks when my stress gets too high and my anxiety is through the roof. I'm hoping that after finals are over and my relationship and family life calm down I'll have an easier time getting steady again. ",-0.7746,negative,lonely 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,1,"Hi all. I'm a millionaire and growing richer all the time, mostly by doing nothing. Yay me. Hooray... Except I want to be doing something - I just lack purpose greatly now and lack it more every day. I seriously want to kill myself, not as in an emotional baggage lifted kind of way (""It's soooo hard!!"" <-- not so much), but in a perfectly logical ""this seriously just makes sense"" kind of way. I am seriously just an economic and emotional burden on this world and it would very likely be better without me. I don't mean this in a nasty way, I've just been convinced that there's literally no purpose, no point. Yes, the minute distractions from some pretty girl here and there make me ""remember"" in an animalistic sort of way that we're here to reproduce, but it eventually goes away long after the last argument fades from my memory. And then it just me and my thoughts again, nobody else here. I used to work for the government, but it was a horrific power struggle inside a bureaucracy that didn't exactly strike my fancy. Before that, I worked for large/medium companies. I no longer work. I've never found any that was truly enjoyable, like I was saving the world, etc. My investments continue to do absurdly well and they seem to feast on disorder/chaos/recession/collapse. This was intentional because I have been a longtime subscriber to r/collapse and knew what to put my money into those many years ago. My only regret is not trusting myself on these investments and being even more of a stubborn asshole than I was. Many who knew me from the beginning attempted to weaken my resolve. Smart folks, all much more socially normal and healthy than me. Regardless, none of that is why I'm here. I'm here because inside I am dead. I am not sure I will ever love again - hell I don't even believe in it anymore, it's just a simple chemical reaction to me now. Fuck, I barely even leave the house. I just don't see the *point* of going to the bar to get laid, I'm not attracted to hardly anyone there anyways. Instead, I get stoned pretty much every fucking day, I do whatever I want, and I'm pretty sure this is completely incompatible with a partner who has any standards at all. I've been ripped into awareness regarding how common infidelity is by a person I used to call ""my best friend"", and all I've ever wanted out of life was a loyal partner. Now that I'm single, all of my friends' wives and girlfriends seem to be significantly more into me. It's probably the money. Maybe it's that I'm 6'2"" and dressing well again. Could be that I'm aware of redpill dynamics now and they just have those tingles. *sigh*. Perhaps it's because I'm putting out that vibe of ""I really don't fucking care"" and it's suddenly working for me when I don't even want it to. Regardless holy shit do I *completely* understand where Bruce Wayne (yes, fictional character, we're going full retard here, always wondered if I was fucking autistic) is coming from now. Unlike Batman, though, I don't have a cool car. I don't have a batcave, just a single shitty room I live in (a buddy's house, I rent a room from him, I prefer having at least a roommate). My friends are more and more concerned about me and generally don't know how to tell me this (as evidenced by one of them telling me I'll lose my sanity without regular employment - or another trying to get me a hot asian girl to ""spend time with"" when I hang out with him in his hometown, which I was apparently completely oblivious to). Getting wealthy doesn't fix any of your problems. It just magnifies the ones that are there. I'm not quite part of the 1% yet but I think the bigger issue for me, by far, is isolation, not wealth. I think this is what is killing human spirit. It sure is killing mine. Technology isolates us from the pains of each other. Can I just sign up to join a community where I just...hang out and socialize with people? Like, not a job, not a church? And then go back to my room and hang out alone when I want? I want dorm-style living *and* safety just so I can meet people and make friends. Why the fuck is this so hard? I just want to be around people, but have it not be...weird. I always make people feel strange, and I know this because it's been this way my entire life. It's like when I'm hanging out with a group, everyone is suddenly on edge. Everywhere I go I notice this, strangers or old friends alike. wtf is wrong with me? I mean, I am a nerd, sure, but fuck, how do I stop this or learn to deal with it??? Well, that's enough for one day. If I could give all my money away just to feel like I did when I was surrounded by my closest circle of friends (minus the guy who was only there to get in my ex's pants) and a girl that *seemed* to love me, I would. Back then, I had real wealth. Fuck this shit. If we got nuked tomorrow, I don't think I'd even be sad (I wasn't sad at all when Trump was elected, I was mostly only in emotionally removed laughter, disbelief). There's not much left for me to miss. I'm consumed with feelings of angst/dread/confusion/pain/hurt and I've seriously done every single thing in my fucking power to try and get over this. Therapy, meditation, exercise, quit my job, tried dropping the weed for a GOOD long time, travel, you name it. In my head I'm still in love with this person and it's really, really bothering me. Everyone says time heals all wounds, but it's been like well over a year now (11 year relationship, we weren't married). Ugh.",-0.9115,negative,ashamed 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_1,2,"I am retired early on a small insurance payment. I enjoy solitude though. Still, I totally get the feeling related to catastrophes and such, or otherwise losing empathy/gaining apathy. I have to pay my electric bill and run another errand downtown, so I have atleast one mission today besides checking this sub and others. Give yourself a mission.",-0.0609,negative,lonely 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,3,"Will do. Great, sensible, practical advice. Time to work out. Thank you!",0.784,positive,acknowledging 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,4,"I do know why *I* feel like an outcast (at least, according to ""The Wisdom of The Enneagram"", a book I'm currently reading), and I may have a hint at why this is the case for you, too: it's embedded in my personality from some trauma in my youth - like any personality type. ""Source fracture wound"" stuff. Regardless, apparently the most painful emotion for me, my mind's ""Theme of Avoidance"" if you will, is **embarrassment** and it has, as a result, become the tapestry I've used to explain most of my life, good or bad. Odd stuff. I'm guessing you are a ""5"" in Enneagram or perhaps INTJ/INTP on Myers Briggs (many of which seem to be ""Sigma"" individuals [vs being ""Alpha"", ""Beta"", ""Omega"", etc] who are lone wolves in every sense but literal). Importantly - very importantly - there is a tendency in this type to do one's own thing regardless of the consequences - and this is the pattern of me so far. Also, I am unsure if getting wealthy is helping me yet or not, but it becomes a variable I *surely* don't want to spend very much time thinking about in regards to that, because I'm frugal nearly to the point of being a miserly cheapass. I do *not* flaunt my wealth because no honest girl would ever find me at that point, they'd instinctively look the other way - good men will usually do the same thing to a slut. ",-0.5907,negative,lonely 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,5,"*smile* Well, honestly, I've done this my entire life. I'm huge into vidya games.",0.836,positive,confident 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_2,6,If you play let’s play games. Social gaming is best,0.8402,positive,suggesting 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_2,7,Do you play wow?,0.7351,positive,questioning 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,8,"Sadly, not right now. I've been thinking about getting into it more and more recently, but...idk. I am surprised to even admit this, but the last time I paid for a monthly membership it hardly held my interest at all. I felt broken inside, I've enjoyed nearly every Blizzard game that has ever come out and I was mostly confused as fuck. Dungeons were a part of it and I had a diehard wow buddy help me with it, but...hrmph.",0.71,positive,disappointed 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_2,9,"I agree it can be confusing if you just jump into it. I would suggest leveling from level 1 and going from there! I can help you level and we can be confused together through it lol Pm me if you change your mind, blizzard, steam",0.6239,positive,agreeing 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,10,"Sorry, I should clarify; I wasn't confused about how to play, I was confused about why I didn't enjoy it. I should also note that this feeling was even more evident with Hearthstone.",-0.0621,negative,embarrassed 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_2,11,Depression makes things unenjoyable. I hope you get out of the rut. <3,-0.2023,negative,consoling 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_2,12,"I see I see. I can see that point of view. Personally I love blizzard, most times they want to make things better (or from my perspective they do) ",0.8255,positive,agreeing 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,13,I'm sure you're right. We shall see. I have work to do on my addictions.,0.3182,positive,agreeing 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,speaker,14,Check out The Wisdom of The Enneagram if you feel like you need new direction in personal development. It's been pretty fucking awesome to me so far in understanding that the only way I'll ever get over my fears of being out in the world is to...be there. Where I'm uncomfortable. haha,0.902,positive,trusting 963,depressed,Money Doesn't Fix Problems,listener_3,15,"Cool, I will, thanks! :) It looks interesting from what I'm reading about it.",0.8805,positive,acknowledging 964,depressed,Dan Harmon response to depression,speaker,1,This was beautifully put and I think he's right in every sense. https://www.boredpanda.com/dealing-depression-answer-dan-harmon-rick-and-morty/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=BPFacebook ,0.5719,positive,impressed 964,depressed,Dan Harmon response to depression,listener_1,2,"After 47 years of spitting, shitting and shining life to find a way forward, I can honestly agree this advice is pure Szechuan sauce.",0.4019,positive,agreeing 964,depressed,Dan Harmon response to depression,listener_2,3,"haha, nice reference",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 965,depressed,This is a stupid reason to be depressed,speaker,1,"I’m anxious and depressed and this is stupid and made it worst. Gaming is my escape but... My significant other has 200,000 gold and has flying in the broken shores. (World of Warcraft) I do not have flying and am 1/4 through getting flying. Why won’t he get sands of Time mount to help me out... ? (It’s 78,000 gold and allows us both to fly). it feels like this is just a small aspect but reflects our relationship. Yeah I know this is stupid..",-0.6124,negative,jealous 965,depressed,This is a stupid reason to be depressed,listener_1,2,"Because 78K out of 200K is a lot, and takes quite a bit of farming. He's probably saving up for the lightforged warframe, a 500K gold mount. he can do the recruit a friend thing with a throwaway e-mail and that'll reward him with a flying mount for two people, look into that.",0.7845,positive,neutral 965,depressed,This is a stupid reason to be depressed,speaker,3,The catch is he wanted us to game together. It was suppose to be a couples thing but now he flys off and I’m gaming alone. He said he’s saving up to get wow tokens (free wow for the month). Currently 178k on this server.. I guess money is worth it....? ,0.9493,positive,surprised 965,depressed,This is a stupid reason to be depressed,listener_1,4,"Personally I don't think tokens are worth buying (takes too much no-fun time and effort for too little reward) but try to work together to farm a mount you can both ride, could take ya days, weeks, months but all that time together!",0.4489,positive,neutral 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,speaker,1,"I just tried to fill out a form because I don't have money for therapy face to face and I won't ever. I keep trying to go see a doctor but, again, I don't have any money. I also keep applying for a bc health card but I keep getting rejected. This is hopeless. ",-0.8573,negative,devastated 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,listener_1,2,"Ugh that's awful): too depressed for online therapy? I mean I guess I can kind of understand, maybe they feel face to face is best but I feel it should be the patients choice too, especially if you can't afford it ): I'm sorry for your situation ): that's really shit",-0.8733,negative,sympathizing 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,speaker,3,"my girlfriend just dumped me, i'm unemployed, i sleep all day and lay in bed all night. I try to play games but I just sort of hate myself. If im on the computer I usually end up looking at local bridge heights and ways to make cleaning my apartment for movers to come. I need help but every time I ask for it I can't seem to find any. I've tried to go to a clinic for help but I'm too poor to afford it. My health card was rejected like 5 times. Im going to try a suicide hotline now. If that doesn't work I guess I get the message. ",-0.9207,negative,lonely 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,listener_2,4,"And they call themselves 'therapists'? Just, wow. I hope you find help, someone who will listen to you without giving up on you.",0.8108,positive,consoling 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,listener_1,5,"I know things are awful, the sleeping is the depression. When I was at my worst (while I was pregnant too) somedays I couldn't pull myself out of bed. It started to affect my job because I was calling out. I'd sleep so much. I'm on meds now and still somedays when I feel it all bearing down I spend all day locked to my bed. Thoughts of suicide and just wanting to melt into my bed and disappear happen often. I've looked up ways before too. Both the things that are heavy in your shoulders right now can change. Both are difficult and take home and, worst of all when you're forward, energy. How can you think of anything else when this person and that hurt are all that you feel? How you can look for a job if you can't even get out of bed to eat or... Do anything? You breathe and you push. Days you feel crippled by it, allow yourself to feel it. Slow yourself to feel the weight, to sleep. Acknowledge that you feel like shit, that you feel depressed and acknowledge that it's ok. On days you're not breaking down, get out of bed even for Shai things. Go have a glass of water. Go eat or go brush your teeth... Little things that feel impossible. Watching Ted talks on YouTube help me, they have a few on depression. Or watch something funny, it may not touch you but your brain will divert focus even just a little. Don't ever allow anyone to deny what you're feeling, or dismiss it. Own it and work with and around it. I'm sorry that getting help is such a pain, it's so ridiculous. Like I said, open invitation to message me to talk, vent, anything. Breathe and push. Don't give up just yet.",-0.9614,negative,sad 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,listener_1,6,You can message me if you'd like. ,0.3612,positive,suggesting 966,depressed,Anyone else told they were too depressed to use online therapy?,listener_1,7,"Stupid typos, hate Swype sometimes *take time. Worst of all when you're depressed, energy* allow yourself to feel the weight* Get out of bed even for small things* ",-0.91,negative,ashamed 967,depressed,I'm a Quitter,speaker,1,"I'm a quitter. I always have been and it's something I'm not proud of. I am 20 years old and I've had 8 jobs, a majority of which I've quit. I've had more relationships than I can even remember, and after about a month when it starts to get hard I've given up and just broke up with them. I hate this. I want to be someone that sticks through it and works things out but I just don't see the point in trying. I think it's because it takes a lot out of me as it is, and it's almost like I physically can't give any more of myself when things like work or relationships ask for more. I hate to blame this on my depression, maybe I'm just a lazy piece of shit. But it's like, so exhausting for me to put forth effort. ",-0.9747,negative,ashamed 967,depressed,I'm a Quitter,listener_1,2,"Is your depression diagnosed and treated? If yes or no join /getdisciplined /getmotivated. Do the Coursera course ""learning how to learn"" it works on procrastination. There is a good chance it is part of your personality, but fix the other stuff to make it easier. Exercise, paradoxically it gives you more energy if you lift weights, and do cardio. It releases free meds: noradrenaline, and endorphins. Get a stamp and a calendar and everyday you do something you're lazy about, that day gets a stamp out sticker. It's childish but its all about making you think about the things you put off. Best of luck ",0.9552,positive,questioning 967,depressed,I'm a Quitter,listener_2,3,This is not how you try man....,0.0,neutral,neutral 967,depressed,I'm a Quitter,listener_3,4,You should try and be a listener and not a fixer.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 968,depressed,depressed college student with imminent finals tuesday and wednesday. how to study?,speaker,1,"Hi guys, I know my situation is not very original. Some stuff has happened in my life over the last month and it's been a wild ride. My long-term relationship ended recently, and I have had major trouble motivating myself to do well. Long story short, what do you guys do when your depression gets the best of you and have trouble studying? I don't have enough time to seek formal help, as my exams are literally in less than 24 hours. Really feel suffocated honestly. ",0.6334,positive,apprehensive 968,depressed,depressed college student with imminent finals tuesday and wednesday. how to study?,listener_1,2,"I'm such a crammer and I hate it. You can do very little in the last 24 to turn a 180. You can max out what you've done now by quizzing yourself on anything in your notes or text book, writing down the answer and review all the answers in the hour before your test. Quizzing is extremely effective Writing answers places then in memory better than reading or verbalising Reviewing answers let's a few such in your short term memory before class. If you get something wrong, remember your wrong answer and take just a few seconds to think about why is a wrong answer so you can think up the right answer tomorrow.",-0.7722,negative,prepared 968,depressed,depressed college student with imminent finals tuesday and wednesday. how to study?,listener_2,3,"Yeah this is what I usually did, and because I knew I had a good memory I got higher than the 60s which surprised me most of the time",0.7184,positive,surprised 969,depressed,Born ugly.,speaker,1,"I couple of girls have said this to me both in my face and behind my back that I look ugly and appalling. Many said that I am a 0/10, 1/5 and so on. It just frustrates me that theres nothing I can do or fix look or skin, that is just who I am. Of course if plastic surgery is not an option. I just don't know what it is that they are looking for and it confuses me to a certain extent. Here is a picture of me: https://imgur.com/6d7Yx3k ",-0.836,negative,annoyed 969,depressed,Born ugly.,listener_1,2,"Yooo! just browsing /r/all/new/ and came across this. so HEY. I read your post and the whole time you were explaining stuff I was forming this image of like a deformed monster thing... then I saw the link to your pic. Bro! wtf, you look just fine. honestly, from one totally random internet person to another, you've got nothing to worry about.",0.6694,positive,acknowledging 969,depressed,Born ugly.,listener_2,3,"For real. Put your attention where it counts my dude you look completely fine. Likable even, and I don’t know you so take that how you will.",0.2716,positive,impressed 970,depressed,Idk anymore,speaker,1,"I never thought I'd be this desperate and lonely but here I am...on Reddit writing to god knows who about my life. I'm tired of crying in my room and disappearing into Netflix like I wasn't considering suicide minutes before. It's not normal. I'm 22 years old and I've been depressed since before I knew there was a word for it. I'm so hurt but numb at the same time lol. Some days I have a reason and some days there is no reason. There are good days but it's like there's always a cloud over me and when I'm having fun, I start to get anxious waiting for something bad to happen or remember how crap my life is. I just can't live like this anymore. Went through some things a couple years ago that gave me really bad anxiety and I get these awful panic attacks all the time. I've had years to think about it and it doesn't make sense to live like this. I don't have the energy or strength to keep trying. My life is going to shit(won't even know where to begin explaining) and I've been trying but I'm exhausted. I'm supposed to start school soon after putting it off for so long, continue working and find a new place to live and I'm stressed beyond belief. I know a lot of people do it but maybe in another life if I was in better mental and physical health I could but I can't. I'm hanging on by a thread and I'm desperate to find reasons to keep trying but I can't. In the past I used to tell myself I'm going to kill myself but I knew I never would. I've come closer to doing it this year than I ever have before. All I do is smile and pretend around people but I'm actually suffering really badly. Like I really can't believe my life is this hard lol. It's not funny but I find it funny because it's unbelievable lol. I'm not even sure if I want to be dead but I just know I don't want to live like this. This world feels hopeless and everywhere you turn you see it. At this point my mental and physical health feels irreversible and I can't live like this and I don't feel like I should. Tbh I'm going to go to work tomorrow and pretend like I never even wrote this post. I just have this feeling inside that I'm going to eventually crack really soon. I don't have anyone to talk to this about so idk I'm here",-0.9944,negative,lonely 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,speaker,1,"So I just turned 20 a week ago and my parents organized me a party, who was supposed to take place tonight. There were about 30-40 people who were supposed to be there. I just learned that everybody cancelled yesterday and today. Only my aunt and my uncle were still able to come, so my parents cancelled the whole thing. It has been like this since I am young. Now I am just fed up to see how I count like shit to everybody's eyes. I just want to kill myself. I even bet that nobody will come to my funerals. What did I do to have so much a bad life (I am not only saying this because of the party, I feel like everything bad always happen to me) ? ",-0.8814,negative,annoyed 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,listener_1,2,Do your friends treat you poorly on a regular basis? This isn’t how friends treat people. At least you come from a home loving enough to try and throw you a party.,0.9531,positive,annoyed 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,speaker,3,"I kind of asked for that party (asked them if they were planning to throw me a party so I could take a day off my job if they did. They didn't at first but then felt bad and decided to throw me one. And it is not really my friends (some of my friends still suck tho) but more my whole big family (uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents) that decided to cancel last minute. No, they are usually not assholes like this but each year something like that happen. Like last year all of my friends and family forgot that it was my birthday and only my parents and sister wished me a ""happy birthday"". When I turned 18, only one of my friends was able to go party with me. I know they probably don't do it on purpose, but each year something happens on my birthday and now it's just too much. I see everyone having nice bithday parties and everything and when it is my turn, nobody can and something bad always happens. I am just tired of this shit.",0.8934,positive,disappointed 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,listener_1,4,"I hear ya. I hate my birthday for this exact reason. It's either something like this happens, or everyone does get together and I feel inclined to do something that would please everyone instead of just be *my* party. As a result, I've started to hate my birthday. I deleted my Facebook a while back and now no one even knows it's my birthday when it happens and since then I've started to feel better. What kind of birthday party did you want?",0.4215,positive,sad 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,speaker,5,This is the reason why I hate humans. And honestly I wasn't really asking for something specific. Just a family get together at a restaurant would have made my day.,-0.1779,negative,disappointed 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,speaker,6,Hahahahaa thank you ! :),0.6996,positive,acknowledging 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,listener_2,7,"Np, glad I could help even just a little bit. Focus on the good things.",0.8225,positive,grateful 971,depressed,Everybody cancelled last minute.,speaker,8,"That's what I try to do, but sometime it is hard to do so when everything try to drag you down ",-0.4497,negative,neutral 972,depressed,title,speaker,1,"Yeah, I've been drinking because fuck it. So yeah run on sentences and massive amounts of grammar and spelling errors. Is it possible to be so average that you're invisiable? I sure as hell feel like it. I can't make friends let alone find a girlfriend. Hell I also think I may be bi because I wouldent mine a boyfriend either. I dislike terms like gay and bi. I just want a relationship. Fuck I'm 28. When my parents were my age I was 6. They've been married for well 6 years. My grandparents had my parents when she was 18. ANd here I am at 2fucking7 and I don't have anything. Not even a potential love intrest. I don't look bad I thinnk? I shower everyday and groom myself so I dont look like a homeless person. I own a car and one thats not falling apart. I have an ok skill set but acording to people around me I just don't excel in anything. I'm just ok here and there but none of my skills or whatnot stnad out. Nothing to take notice to. If I do find someone of intrest I'm immediatly left behind when someone more skill full comes around. I've often thought about hanging myself. Can't dp it at home. My house is old and all the walls are made of plaster and have rounded corners. Nothing sturdy to support me. I thought about it at work and I work in a garage so theres plenty of places to hang my worthless ass. idk why I havent yet. What am I waiting for? ",-0.9504,negative,ashamed 972,depressed,title,listener_1,2,"Sober up and do some yardwork...help an elderly person. Stay out of your own head. (I don't always follow my advice, but I have also learned to handle deep lows).",-0.29600000000000004,negative,trusting 972,depressed,title,speaker,3,"I'm sober now. I fell asleep shortly after posting this. I've been trying to do things that make me more active(?). I recently got my amateur radio license. I live in California, so were always on fire. So I've been volunteering where ever I'm needed. But at the end of the day I'm in my rented room stuck with my shitty thoughts.",-0.7966,negative,ashamed 973,depressed,4 more weeks to get through :(,speaker,1,"Working my first job, it hasn't been great. I mean, I'm very grateful for having one, but it is also a lot of stress and very exhausting. Plus, the long hours. I've been looking forward to the weekends. And then on the weekends I realize how much it actually hurts to be lonely, and sit in my room trying to not think too much about suicide until monday. Sometimes I manage, sometimes I don't. Well, I've been putting off my vacation days because I can barely make it through a weekend in the first place. And now I have to take all of the remaining ones and am stuck at home. I've worked one day of last week, and I'm already extremely miserable. How am I supposed to make it through the next 4 weeks without killing myself? It is seriously so tempting. I don't have any friends, or anywhere to go. It is winter, with rain or hail or snow-rain every day, cold and wet, 4.5 hours of daylight at best. I could try to go for some random last-minute flight somewhere, but I won't really get to a warm region that way. At best it'd be mild with rain season. And I still would be alone, which is why searching for anywhere to go is so frustrating and makes me even more depressed. The worst part is, even if I make it through the next 4 weeks, I'll be back to the same soul-crushing cycle of exhausting, stressful work, followed by lonelyness on the weekends. Not that I wouldn't be lonely at work, since I barely get to talk to anyone at all on half the days. What's the point? What am I living for at all? Life is endless torment. I will never be loved (except by my mom, may she rest in peace), and life would be much better for the people around me if I wouldn't exist. There is no hope for the future, just more of the same. Only pain.",-0.9928,negative,sad 973,depressed,4 more weeks to get through :(,listener_1,2,How about a sun therapy lamp? It can help ease the gloom from the weather. ,0.1531,positive,suggesting 973,depressed,4 more weeks to get through :(,speaker,3,It's been a year. So - no :/,0.3773,positive,questioning 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,speaker,1,"I'm tired of constantly trying to trust people. All I've ever been is fucked over by the people I've tried to love. Nobody ever seems to stay. I've turned into this hollow shell of a human being and I'm just so tired. There's no motivation to be found anywhere and I refuse to continue to look. I'm ready to move onto the next life, because I'm sick of this one.",-0.8081,negative,devastated 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,listener_1,2,"Hope you'll get better somehow, try to distract yourself with anything you find interesting; helps me.",0.836,positive,consoling 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,speaker,3,I'm trying but everything just comes back full circle.,0.0,neutral,neutral 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,speaker,4,"Thank you. I've just been doing a lot of writing, which I haven't done in years. Really seems to help a bit.",0.6666,positive,grateful 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,speaker,5,I love this.,0.6369,positive,impressed 974,depressed,I'm just so tired.,listener_2,6,"Glad to read that Buddy. Always remember, your feelings are real, but they are not the reality!",0.3164,positive,acknowledging 975,depressed,Can't take care of myself,speaker,1,"Bills stacking up. I rarely eat. And the only way I'm still alive is getting stoned whenever I feel that I'm plummeting into deep suicidal thoughts. And that again has its side effects. More and more frequently, I've forgot to turn off the toaster, the oven, etc. And now, when I was heating some leftover hot chocolate, I went to do something in my room. I completely forgot about it within seconds. A while later, maybe as much as 40 min later, I smell an intense disgusting smell. I go to the kitchen and it's filled with smoke and a disgusting burnt smell that won't go away. And the pot is completely burnt and ruined. One day, I'll probably end worse and it'll kill both me and my flatemate.. Fuck, I hate myself.",-0.9813,negative,apprehensive 975,depressed,Can't take care of myself,listener_1,2,"Do you think about having a mentor who will show you a new way of life? I went through a recent active Christian phase, but as usual, I failed to connect with Biblical entities and start seeking divine beings who will tell me they are listening and will offer guidance. Deep depression can be offset by finding vitality and learning how to tap it. I wish I could find a consistent source of that vitality, and so far, no version of Christianity offers it. ",0.3575,positive,apprehensive 975,depressed,Can't take care of myself,listener_2,3,"When my depression was at it's worst I got a lot of advice about religious things like this and so I got a mentor and joined bible studies and prayer groups and spoke with deacons and all that stuff but nothing helped. I have always been a spiritual person and grew up Christian so I thought that if church wasn't working it was because I was doing something wrong. I mean, if god can do everything and he loves me because I'm part of his flock why am I not getting better? Eventually I got a therapist who worked for a Christian organization but literally never mentioned god, or the bible, or Christianity in any way and she was the real answer to my prayers. Licensed therapists are the way to go in my book!",-0.6395,negative,faithful 975,depressed,Can't take care of myself,listener_3,4,Therapists are shitheads who doesnt know shit,-0.1719,negative,apprehensive 976,depressed,It's really hard to cope.,speaker,1,"My girlfriend cheated on me, silly me forgave her but it happened again. It just fucking kills because I've known this girl for several years now. I just don't know how to deal with it, I've been feeling like complete shit for the past week then I find this out today. It's like I don't want to kill my self but at the same time I just want to die. Stop feeling that awful pain in my chest and stomach. It's not fair that I dont have the courage to do something like that. Despite that I just don't feel as if I have a purpose to live. Money, love, any goals and aspirations I've ever had. I just don't feel the need to fulfill any of them anymore, I just don't want to breathe or go any longer. I honestly dont know what to do and I have no where to vent to so I'm just here. It sounds silly that I feel this way about one person, but I guess it's on me for letting it get to that point. ",-0.7035,negative,devastated 977,depressed,Advice for a 20 years old?,speaker,1,"I (f20) need advice with what I should do with my life. First of, I always wanted to be a doctor so I took laboratory science for my premed but have to defer uni for 1 semester and shift to psychology because of depression. So just imagine how it feels like when your life plan was torn into tiny pieces and dump into a raging fire just because of a mental illness. I never expected this and it took a toll on me. I feel like a piece of shit right now because I used to be a very diligent and a stellar student. Now I cram most of the time and waste my time with mental breakdowns (almost more than 3 breakdowns every weak). I am also gaining weight and rarely take care of my appearance. I feel like the reason for this is because I had come to a realization that no matter how hard I work, there is no point.Because some people doesnt have to work twice as much as I do, for them to be successful because they live in a 1st world country and/or migrated to a different country. (Honestly, sometimes I feel like some people take things for granted.) I am not saying that I dont love my country. But our economy is not as great as others. Do I seem like im jealous? Maybe. Frustrated? Definitely. I've experienced so much in life, from years of bullying in HS, my parents not hearing me out and some of my family taking advantage of us. So why am I still in this dark hole? Is karma even real? Because it seems that Im still at the bottom. It is so infuriating to think that some of those who bullied me are now studying abroad and/or getting their shit together when im still here suffering from depression. I feel like i'll never amount to anything and ill end up with just a minimum wage job. What should I do? I talked to my dad but he kept on saying that we all have our own road to take and maybe its not my time yet but i should keep going forward and that I should get used to life being unfair (This is where I lost it). My ultimate goal is to help my country, be successful, and make a difference but how can I do this when I cant even help myself? tl; dr; Suffering from depression and starting to lose hope with both school and life because I am not moving forward and doesnt know what to do. Help.",-0.9971,negative,devastated 977,depressed,Advice for a 20 years old?,listener_1,2,"Are you studying for the wrong reasons? I would study what you are really interested in, rather than slog through courses which you don't enjoy? Spending a decade in training to be a doctor when a person does not even like the knowledge base or duties, and performs their duties because of societal pressure? Awful. I understand how the future is like gravity, and weighs us all down.",-0.7955,negative,questioning 977,depressed,Advice for a 20 years old?,speaker,3,All this time and I thought im alone.,-0.25,negative,lonely 978,depressed,I made an account just to air this out.,speaker,1,"Socializing has been one of the greatest hurdles in my life. When you grow up in terrible conditions, you don’t really realize it in the moment. Despite how you feel, you never realize the expanse of the forest, how dark it is. Your eyes adjusted a long time ago and you get used to being overly vigilant. I got myself out of the forest later in life but then I had to learn how to interact with all of the strange people, these tribes of people with rules that no one tells you about till you break them. Groups of people form based on a singular link steeped in the individual histories. They all gather and enjoy memories with each other that are relatable. Trying to become a normal person is so hard when you attempt to connect through memories and slowly realize that nearly all of your memories are negative. You realize practically your entire history of human interaction is saddening or has been burdened with the later realization that any kindness received was in fact insincere. The action of recalling these memories  furthur exasperates your realized loneliness as a child and makes it difficult to establish healthy relationships in the present. What can I offer to any conversation without bringing down the mood? I’ve already pigeonholed myself into being the troubled one. And I am. I am troubled and I can’t recover because people don’t care about me. People don’t sincerely care about me. Even now I consistently learn of the insincerity people have in their actions. It is always so clear in hindsight. I’ve left so many people, and I have trouble trusting new ones. I haven’t left the forest, the forest grew toward me and I can’t escape the shade. I can’t tell if these are people around me or new monsters in the forest. A part of me wishes I could see myself, just so I know the extent of my battle scars. But I don’t really want to know, if I do, that’s when the blood will start flowing, the pain will become very apparent and I’ll see exactly where it is coming from. Maybe I’ll even discover new wounds that I haven’t treated, that would be awful. Throughout my life I’ve envisioned myself in the midst of different actions at different points in my life. When I was really young I just saw a brave warrior who meditated on morality and mercy for those I loved who were causing me pain. I eventually grew to realize that the ones causing me pain would kill me if I didn’t take action. I broke away from them, or at least I intended to as soon as I moved to columbus. I constantly saw myself running as fast as I can. Later in life I could see a bat in my hand, I felt the weight of it. The bat represented of combination of anger and perseverance. I was ready and willing to bash in the first monster I saw ahead of me. Later I was in the fight, I had encountered monsters who posed as friends and an ex-boyfriend at that point, people who cared, I fought them in my mind, I defeated them and began a steep climb up a stone wall. Each ledge was four inches wide and two inches deep, with every bit of progress I was painfully holding on for dear life. The gravity that pulled me down was trying to learn to be a truss designer, a career I had flung myself into with no prior knowledge, and david, a now former boyfriend. He was exhausting in many aspects and was a terrible person for me, despite his love for me, he was incapable of standing on his own and I carried him up with me for quite a ways. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I dropped him off on a large ledge. From there on it has been a mixture of climbing onto new ledges and beating away more monsters and jumping from stone wall to an adjacent stone wall. I can’t see myself right now, I don’t know where I am. I do know that I am in the safest place I’ve ever been in since I was in elementary school. It’s been so long, and I can’t help but be suspicious of my surroundings. I’m about to interview to be a part of a programming bootcamp. I have a boyfriend that loves me and wants to make the relationship run even when we are physically apart in the future. I have a friend who I actually trust and is helping get through this part of my life, and also I am starting to revitalize the relationship with my dad and little brother. I can’t help but feel as though things are going too well. It’s been a few months since something has shaken my foundation, my world. I don’t know what to make of it. I can’t see into the future and it makes me uneasy, I’m ready to jump off this large ledge the moment I see things coming but nothing had happened yet. If I can get two years of programming under my belt, there is a chance that maybe the fog of time will subside to reveal more land this ledge has in fact expanded from, maybe there will be grass and not more stone to climb. I don’t know what I will do if this bootcamp doesn’t pan out. I don’t see myself able to do anything else. I might just give up. Truely. I was pulled into this world by force by two people who clearly didn’t want kids as much as they thought they did. And they gave me such a crappy start to life, I can’t put into words the height and expanse of the hurdles they have set for me. How much clinging I’ve done. My fingers are bone and I’m so cold. I’m not sure what I’m fighting for anymore if I don’t manage to expand this ledge. I have to give this my 100%, it’s the last one I can manage. ",-0.9731,negative,afraid 978,depressed,I made an account just to air this out.,listener_1,2,"The part where you were talking about not realizing your were growing up in horrible conditions spoke to me. I can really relate to that. The only time I felt something wasn’t right was when I was in social situations too. When people were talking about stuff and I didn’t have anything nice, or good to say. When people talk about how great something is for them, it just makes me feel sad and isolated. It makes me feel more alone. But then I find people who have been mistreated like me, and then they mistreat me even worse. It feels like I have to associate with sheltered people who don’t understand what I’ve been through, if I want to be surround by nice positive people. Because when I try to get close to others who have been through horrible things they understand but they just end up hurting me really badly. I’m glad you got away from your old relationship and were able to find a new one that’s better for you. I really liked your post, it really spoke to me. It helped put some of the things I’ve been feeling into words too. ",0.9153,positive,lonely 978,depressed,I made an account just to air this out.,speaker,3,"I'm glad my post helped, I'm also happy to hear that I'm not the only one feelling this way (I'm really sorry that you do though, no body deserves to feel this way). Im sorry that I took so long to reply to you, I never looked at this account again thinking that no one would actually respond to it.",0.3415,positive,sympathizing 979,depressed,I'm the runt of the family.,speaker,1,"I feel like I'm the ugly duckling in my family and I hate it. My brother and sister were blessed with good looks, good grades, and a good social life. I however have none of these I am so ugly I'm failing most of my classes and I only have like 1-2 friends. I should just kill myself since I'm so useless.",-0.662,negative,jealous 979,depressed,I'm the runt of the family.,listener_1,2,Yeah u should,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 979,depressed,I'm the runt of the family.,listener_2,3,I agree that realizing your problems is #1. Then how YOU fix them is step #2. Remember you are strong OP. ,0.4767,positive,agreeing 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,speaker,1,"I went into a manic state last night and started self harming again. I was researching the easiest way to kill myself. I don't necessarily think I'd do it, at least not today. The most painless way would be via gun and I don't own one. Counselor today recommend I go to ER but I don't think that would be necessary...that's over $1000 bc I'm a whiny cunt. I wish I had parents I could text...or I wish my boyfriend would understand how underwater I am. I have xanax now and beer so hopefully that will help. Maybe I'll go on a walk to take the edge off. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in January but that seems so long from now. I wish I wasn't like this. I know so many people have it worse than me. I'm just a weight on my friends. When I used to think about suicide I was scared. I'm not so scared anymore. I just don't want to hurt my boyfriend. I'm such a selfish pos for even considering it. IDK I guess I'm hoping my xanax kicks in fast. I'm sorry I've posted here twice now...idk who else to talk to.",0.4927,positive,apprehensive 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,listener_1,2,Self-harm or harming others is simply not an option. Please find a way to help yourself. Alcohol and pills are probably not the best solution.,-0.8016,negative,afraid 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,listener_2,3,Don't think of yourself as any less important than anyone else. ,0.1298,positive,questioning 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,speaker,4,"There's people that go through so much more than me. I'm a white female, cards are almost nearly stacked for me. Who am I to even complain. I want everyone to be loved. All I'm bringing is negativity.",-0.1531,negative,jealous 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,listener_2,5,"yeah, but depression fucks with your life no matter who you are. I think it's good you have an upcoming appointment with a psychiatrist. Just worry about getting yourself help and not about those who have it worse. If it helps, the sooner you get better, the sooner you can help others who are in worse situations than you. ",-0.5663,negative,neutral 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,speaker,6,"Thank you for that, I appreciate the sentiment. I did end up going to the ER that night after talking with the crisis hotline and ODing on Xanax and alcohol. It's almost better I did..my dad and stepmom are now really supportive of me and I got fast tracked in to seeing a psychiatrist. I think just passing that breaking point has also helped me release some of the emotions that were building and ease back to neutral. I'm gonna stop drinking, it only brings bad shit. Definitely can't touch Xanax anymore either. I'm feeling positive about my future. Thanks again for the reply!",0.8122,positive,grateful 980,depressed,Counselor recommended I visit ER but I think that'd be unnecessarily expensive,listener_3,7,"I’m really glad to hear that you got some help, and I wish the best for you. Also it’s great that you’re feeling positive about the future, keep that positive attitude! ",0.9776,positive,wishing 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",speaker,1,"Hey guys, 17 male here, hope you guys are all doing fine. Me? I'm trying.. I wanna tell you guys how I'm feeling and my thoughts right now. I'm sitting in my room, thinking how fool I am for everything. I don't even have friends anymore, I just have classmates and that's it. No one I can talk with about some serious trouble, no one to have some night outs and have some fun, I just stay home all day, playing video games. I'm making this post, cause I just came back from the shopping (went with my dad to buy a gift and leave my curriculum in McDonalds, cause they said to my mama they needed people fast), so I hope I join in the weekends, cause I study. I feel so lonely, I was always that guy who's nice to everyone, friends of everyone, etc, and I still am, but.. I have no friends, I miss having somebody so special you know? The girl I love the most, left me because of stupid things(stupid arguments that are so fucking stupid and she left me because she was cheating me but she didnt want to admit), I loved her so bad dude, the first girl that met my parents, the getaways we used to have, watching the stars at night in the summer with my head on her shoulder. There's a girl in my school I would like to meet, she's pretty, she's seem to be a good girl but why the fuck would she ever want to talk to a guy like me? I miss leaving the house for once in a while, I miss not being so addicted to games, so addicted to being alone, for the first time lately I talk about suicide. Not like in a extreme way on the point of doing it. But thinking like how people would react, etc. I can't feel joy in anything I do, not even gaming anymore, i love being at home, but it's time to stop and I can't. I haven't talk to anybody in days except my parents, i don't even have facebook messages anymore like I used to except my classmates talking about school and stuff.. I hope I get better.. If you read this until here, you're the real mvp. Thanks guys ",0.7308,positive,ashamed 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",listener_1,2,"I always hated hanging out with people because Im introverted. Im also a 17 year old male btw. But anyway. Lately I started feeling like I needed to be with someone to keep the thought in my head in their cages. Its been so overwhelming. I started hanging with my friend from the 5th grade and we have bonfires like everyweek. They get drunk and I watch them to make sure they dont die. It is the best time. Maybe you could start small in finding your bonfire buddies. Just go to the mall alone and talk to a random person thag is just sitting alone. Eventually, someone will want to talk to you. Maybe not the 1st person. Fuck. Maybe not the 10th but someone will and just dont be too creepy about it and people will like you for you. As for the girl, man if she cheated on you, she will do it again. You think you oove her and you orobably do but sometimes you have to let go so you dont get hurt. I just had to do that with a girl ive loved for a very long time. Be safe man",0.9755,positive,lonely 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",speaker,3,"Hey man, hope it's everything good with you, my dude. Yea so it turns out, they accepted me in McDonalds, so in the weekends I'll go there, I hope I make some friends man, meet some girl or something. Maybe not so serious, but some girl that at the end of my shift, we grab a couple beers and burgers and stay talking all night, you know? As for that girl, I moved on bro, everything alright, no hate on her, just beautiful thoughts of what our relationship might have become. But it's life.. ",0.9616,positive,hopeful 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",speaker,4,"I feel you man, I believe always that this.. What we have, it will eventually pass, cause you and me and others, we have good things coming up in ours lives man, and believe or not, one day it will all make sense and you will look back and think of this.. You know why you can't find joy in anything, just like me? Cause we are alone bro and it's okay. We are becoming better persons everyday, one day, you will meet a nice beautiful girl, and this girl bro I tell you, the moment you look at that girl, you know why the good things took so much time to come. If you need a friend to talk to, PM me or email me: joaopedromane23@gmail.com Stay strong bro <3",0.9649,positive,hopeful 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",speaker,5,"Ok dude.. Holy shit, you left me speechless.. 'Most people are not afraid to die they are afraid that they won’t exist anymore, because as your memory fades so does others, and what they use to know about you becomes part of a distant past.' That touched my heart man, you got me crying thinking about alot of things. Thank you man, so much, god bless you and your family bro! ",0.8773,positive,wishing 981,depressed,"I just need to somebody to read this, to get this off of my head..",listener_2,6,"No, no, no. Absolutely not. Happiness in your life does not depend on another person. Don't ever put that burden on someone. Relationships enhance your life, they do not define them. You are 17. Do you know how many people from my high school class of 400 married who they were dating in high school? Three. (well, three pairs, so six people). Start by making some friends, even if you need to invite people to play video games. And if you really are losing joy in everything, make an appointment to talk to a school counselor. ",0.5078,positive,faithful 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,1,"So I doubt anyone will actually read this, I mean we are all here because we have our own battles, so how can we be expected to help someone else. That being said I literally have no one (not one person) in my life to talk to about this, so i turn to the anonymity of the internet and Reddit as my outlet. This has been a really hard year. Like really hard. I wont bore everyone with the details, but with Christmas Eve being tomorrow, I was trying to remember the last time I was happy. Not like huge event deliriously happy, but just happy about anything. Honestly, I couldn't remember when it was. It got me thinking, and I want to preface this, I am NOT at all suicidal. But has anyone else every though life is hard, i am tired and just ready for it to be over. Again I am reiterating I am not going to hurt myself, its just, I'm tired of life being so hard. Its like, you can go to an amusement park and have so much fun all day, but at a certain point, not matter how much fun it was, you are ready to go home. I am 33, and that's how I feel about life. Like I am just ready to leave so it can be easy. Has anyone else every thought or felt like this?",0.9949,positive,lonely 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,2,"I’ve really felt this way this year, you’re not alone man. Dm me if you need an outlet or someone to relate to ",0.1877,positive,lonely 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,3,"Hey man, thanks for responding. Have to admit I wasnt really expecting to hear from anyone",0.5719,positive,wishing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,4,"Yeah I guess I just happened to be scrolling at the right time. I can definitely relate to what you’re feeling, I’m depressed but I’m not at all suicidal I just can’t seem to stay happy for too long. ",0.9097,positive,agreeing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,5,That's exactly how I feel. Like nothing i do helps. Have you tried therapy or medication or anything like that? none of that seems to be helping me ,0.6144,positive,agreeing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,6,"No I’ve never tried anything although I should. I’m just 17 so there isn’t anything I can do about it except try to tough it out. All I can do to get a good laugh every once in a while is to be around good people or people that I know care about me. And it’s taken me until now to find them, right when I needed them. I know I’m young and that probably ruins my credibility or whatever but that’s how I’m feeling. ",0.6428,positive,faithful 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,7,"I mean you are young but hey man, i dont judge, if thats how your feeling thats how your feeling. I can relate and I am sorry you are going through that. I am glad you found these people in your life though, hopefully that helps some!",0.923,positive,consoling 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,8,My dad went through a bit of a hard time and I introduced him to fallout 4 and he played that game so much and it really helped him so maybe you should try finding something like that to get your mind off things. ,0.5423,positive,suggesting 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,9,"Ya, that would be good to find something like that.",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,10,I definitely recommend a big game like Skyrim or fallout 4 to keep you entertained for a long time. It’s a good way to escape from everyday problems. My dad always said it was nice to get the chance to let his anger out on some raiders. Look into it if you get the chance I do not think you’ll regret it ,0.9291,positive,agreeing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,11,I appreciate teh recomendation! i definitely hadn't thought about something like that!,0.8168,positive,agreeing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,listener_1,12,"No problem man. Glad I happened to scroll by your post, hope I was able to brighten you day a little",0.8767,positive,sympathizing 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,13,"I appreciate the reply and the kind words. That is something that would normally be a great outlet to me as I love sports. The problem is the city i moved to is actually a small town and i wont be able to sign up for anything like that till the spring. Considering i am usually super into that stuff, its just been another wrinkle making things harder. I do appreciate the kind words and the great advice though!",0.9828,positive,grateful 982,depressed,Feeling desperately alone,speaker,14,yes it is comforting knowing someone else is in the same boat,0.6597,positive,agreeing 983,depressed,Not suicidal but very depressed. Anyone ever feel like they just don’t want to exist anymore?,speaker,1,Just a thought of what depression makes me feel like at the moment :( ,-0.6249,negative,sad 983,depressed,Not suicidal but very depressed. Anyone ever feel like they just don’t want to exist anymore?,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way... I dont know if I am actually depressed though because I was never diagnosed but i sometimes wake up in the morning just so depressed and just wanna cry... And then it gets even worse at night, but then again sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel completely fine, so it really annoys me because I never know how i will feel. I dont really like the holidays anymore because Im around family that is always happy with their significant other and im single, and NYE is the worst though because I have no friends that invited me anywhere or to do anything. It all just makes me feel terrible and worthless about myself. The worst part of it all is that nobody knows how I feel and I dont have anyone to talk about how I feel to. ",-0.9889,negative,sad 984,depressed,Feeling of Christmas is lost,speaker,1,"Hi, feel free to leave comments and thoughts. They are appreciated very much. So today was Christmas. It didn’t feel very “Christmasy”, this whole holiday seemed to be a big tragic blur to me. I use to love it and everyone that was involved, but not this year. Here’s why. This year, my anxiety and depression has been worse than ever. I get the feeling that no one wants me around. I hate that feeling. And this feeling makes me wish I were dead every single day. Some of the people that I spent Christmas with today, I know what they think about me. It’s a very unsettling feeling when you can tell someone thinks the worst of you and the opposite of what you truly are. His parents think that I’m bitchy and unappreciative just because I don’t like going around people and I don’t know what to say in most situations. I didn’t want to do anything this Christmas but stay home cuddle up with my new blanket that my boyfriend got me and drink hot cocoa and watch pretty little liars on Netflix. This is how I would have liked to spend my Christmas today, but today I had to pretend to be a happy, non-depressed person that is also and introvert... for those of you who do not know that last term (introvert) for me its to push people away and be a loner.. for life, it’s how I like things. To feel “Christmasy” is to feel happy, excited, loved... wanted. There is just something in my mind that kept reminding me that I’m not wanted, that I wish that there was no such thing as “The Holiday Season”. But while I felt like crying all day knowing what I know and feeling what I feel, I plastered a stupid fake grin on my face roughed out Christmas at three homes neither of which I am a resident of, and I pretended to be the person everyone wants me to be. Normal. So despite the way I felt I succeeded in making everyone else feel happy, excited, loved and wanted even if I wasn’t. This Christmas season has been lost on me. But I’m glad I could make everyone else happy and I’m glad I didn’t ruin their Christmas spirit. I’m glad they were happy. Sometimes pretending to be happy to make everyone else happy isn’t so bad. Merry Christmas ",0.995,positive,lonely 984,depressed,Feeling of Christmas is lost,listener_1,2,I totally know how you feel. I have felt the Christmas spirit in awhile. For at least a few years now but know my anxiety and depression is just the worst. I'm also an introvert and I'm in public I try to be happy to not hurt any ones holidays but I'm still hurting. This year has been the worst so far. But if you need someone to talk to hit me up. It's been the first year after my dad passed. It's still hits me,-0.8882,negative,lonely 984,depressed,Feeling of Christmas is lost,speaker,3,Thank you it means a lot ,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 985,depressed,How to find help?,speaker,1,"Am ready (to try again) to seek help for my suicidal ideation and grief over the loss of my Mom. I am Oscar worthy with my performance of acting happy and normal. No one knows I am self harming, having suicidal thoughts and spontaneously crying. I want to feel normal. However, I have tried three therapists already. One was super religious and advised me to pray my sadness away, the second was weird...told me when I felt anxious to get paper and pencil and draw circles. (Wtf!?) the third was very sweet, but not good...I spent the hours with her making her laugh and me not getting any advice as to handle myself, my feelings or my relationships with people I love. I don’t want to waste my time or money on another shitty counselor/therapist. What’s the secret to finding someone who can actually help??? ",0.5571,positive,prepared 985,depressed,How to find help?,listener_1,2,"Ok, ""drawing circles"" is probably one suggestion in how you can divert anxiety to productive activity. Are you willing to meet a therapist halfway by commiting to slow, patient work? Fine, we want to be ""helped"" but that might involve some difficult actions.",-0.4678,negative,questioning 985,depressed,How to find help?,listener_2,3,"Yeah, being in small towns kind of sucks in this regard. A lot of therapists now have profiles on the internet, though, so you can get kind of an idea of those who have potential. Stay away from anything religious, besides that I personally hate religion, mixing religion and any kind of health matters can be dangerous. You stand out in that you came on here ready, willing, and already attempting to help yourself and be your own advocate. You know you need coping skills in addition to medication. So don't lose that motivation. Do some searching on the internet. And in the meantime, find some online outlets. I know there's online therapy, but I have no experience with it, but it might be somewhere to start (I just googled it and saw a bunch of options to read through). But you are right, you need to find a therapist who you trust and with whom you have a connection, while also be confident in their competence and effectiveness. Keep trying. I know it's not easy. It's basically like needing to find a best friend, and certainly the first few people you meet aren't necessarily going to fit the bill. ",0.9743,positive,prepared 985,depressed,How to find help?,speaker,4,"Thank you for your encouragement. I genuinely appreciate it. I’m afraid 85% of my local options (within 50 miles) are proud to advertise they are Christian in their therapy. I’ve found some potentials, but naturally they are 45+ minutes away. I have no idea, but when does one turn to a psychologist/psychiatrist instead of a therapist or counselor? I spoke to a local office about three weeks ago, and they said they were taking new patients, but there was a 6-10 week waiting period. I’m afraid I’m losing motivation and again, don’t know if I would be considered to see a psychologist/psychiatrist. I feel like it’s hard enough for me and I’m super hungry for personal serenity. I’m tired of my loved ones worrying about me and the pressure that brings. I can’t imagine how hard this process is for people deeper in despair than I am. Thank you again for your kind words. If I can get better and feel like I did before my life fell apart and my mom died—I want to and will pay it forward. ",0.9601,positive,apprehensive 985,depressed,How to find help?,listener_2,5,"There are both psychologists and psychiatrists that will take on the role of a therapist. Since psychiatrists are almost always covered by insurance, they are probably more limited in the amount of time they can spend with you, but I think psychologists can see patients in the same manner as a therapist would. You definitely want to see a psychiatrist anyway. GP's knowledge of both depression and prescribing of medication is usually limited. Kind of like they can diagnose a heart condition, but then they send you on to a specialist. Same for mental health. But in either case, you can ask your GP and a psychiatrist for counseling recommendations. They should have some names of people they've worked with. ",0.723,positive,trusting 986,depressed,I feel like love is so distorted these days. What's the point?,speaker,1,"You grow up thinking love is one wonderful way, but then you wake up at 20 years old and you realize what a lie that was. You live for love, but then love is not enough.",0.9555,positive,devastated 986,depressed,I feel like love is so distorted these days. What's the point?,listener_1,2,"Love is caring a lot for someone & vice versa. Today, especially in America, love (like the movies) doesn't exist IMO",0.9367,positive,caring 986,depressed,I feel like love is so distorted these days. What's the point?,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 987,depressed,Im here but my mind is in a happier place,speaker,1,"Im writing this in another insomnia night is 5AM and I have to ""wake up"" and go to work at 9AM. But I will not sleep because I feel like my mind is not here, is 2 years ago when I was sleeping with the love of my life, is 4 years ago when I kiss her for the first time, is 5 years ago when I spend summer nights just talking and talking all night with her...",0.9294,positive,nostalgic 987,depressed,Im here but my mind is in a happier place,listener_1,2,"I feel like you have more to say. If you dont mind me asking, what happened to her? I understand if you don’t feel comfortable sharing",0.8225,positive,agreeing 987,depressed,Im here but my mind is in a happier place,speaker,3,"We let our fears and our insecurities take our relationship, now while I'm stare the emptiness of myself I regret all the things I didn't say in the proper time now it's too late she doesn't want anything with me anymore and I don't blame her ,I disappeared 3 months of her life because I think that she would be better without me, I can only blame me for this constant sadness. Sorry for my bad English is not my native language...",-0.9484,negative,ashamed 987,depressed,Im here but my mind is in a happier place,listener_1,4,"No worries. Thank you for sharing this. Coincidently, I was literally about to go off the radar(already not on social media besides reddit if tht counts); i dont even talk to people except my girlfriend and grandparents. I hope i can try and reunite myself with some old friends. ",0.8411,positive,acknowledging 988,depressed,I don't know who I am,speaker,1,"I don't know the person behind this name. This person I do not like. She is selfish, she is rude, she is a bother, her laugh is annoying, she is depressed, she has panic attacks. This is not the person I want to be. I want to be happy. I want to feel a purpose in my soul. I can't tell you where I belong. When I observe people as they smile or laugh, I wish I could feel the same warmth and joy they feel. As I watch videos of friends and people having a good time, I wonder if that will ever be me. This person I am is not who I am. I wish I knew who I was.",0.8931,positive,jealous 988,depressed,I don't know who I am,listener_1,2,"I start with basics like: person, male, middle-aged, creative etc., but I also have a history of evil, so I recognize that I cannot fit in with normies. Then there are mental health disorders, and even with a clear conscience, I cannot hang with normies. My desire to be someone else is just a fantasy when considering what I really am. In your case, work with your mind as it is, and hopefully you can build what you wish. ",0.7897,positive,consoling 988,depressed,I don't know who I am,speaker,3,Yes. I've been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anxiety. ,-0.1779,negative,agreeing 989,depressed,Never to wake,speaker,1,I want to go to sleep tonight and i dont want to wake up tomorrow... im drinking pretty heavily right now please help,0.8062,positive,apprehensive 989,depressed,Never to wake,listener_1,2,What are you planning? Best to keep finding an excuse to live...may as well start drinking water and sobering up.,0.7003,positive,questioning 989,depressed,Never to wake,speaker,3,I cant find an excuse and stared cutting myself,-0.1833,negative,ashamed 989,depressed,Never to wake,listener_1,4,"Stop harming yourself, wash your cuts, and reach out to someone you trust. ",-0.5574,negative,trusting 989,depressed,Never to wake,speaker,5,I dont know who’s best to talk to,-0.5216,negative,apprehensive 989,depressed,Never to wake,listener_1,6,"If you cut yourself badly, please go to an ER. Do you have a mental health professional to call? What about hotlines?",-0.504,negative,questioning 989,depressed,Never to wake,listener_1,7,Update us. Hope you are still here.,0.4404,positive,consoling 989,depressed,Never to wake,listener_1,8,"Sure, DM me.",0.3182,positive,agreeing 990,depressed,Depressed Person In Florida,speaker,1,"I thought that moving to Florida was gonna make my life better like a stress-free permanent vacation. But no! Ever since I've moved there, I have had so much drama between me and family members, and there's been so much work to do. Hurricane Irma hit and things haven't been been the same since then. The weather has also been miserably hot. I wish I could go back up North. I feel like an alien trapped on the wrong planet. ",-0.69,negative,lonely 990,depressed,Depressed Person In Florida,listener_1,2,"I am sorry you feel this way. And I am sorry but I think just moving away to some place will not solve all the problems. You will have to take a look at your problems and then work on solving them one by one. You will have to give it the time and effort. You might even need some professional help and counseling to get through this. I am sorry that there are problems between you and your family. I hope you can talk to them and then sort this out soon. I am sure things will be fine if you discuss it with him . I am sure they will understand and help you in fighting depression. I hope you can get through this dark period and solve all your problems. As a fellow human being who is also going through dark times, I know how you must feel. And I hope the best for you. Please take care of yourself. ",0.9636,positive,sympathizing 990,depressed,Depressed Person In Florida,speaker,3,"Thank you. Moving out of Florida won't solve all of my problems, only just a few of them, because I don't like the subtropical climate. This has gotten me into fights with people who didn't understand my plight. I get envious of those who live up North and get all that beautiful snow. But yes there are other problems I have that moving won't solve.",-0.4193,negative,neutral 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,1,"I think its the night talking. But there has been many instances in my head that I want to take my life away. Dont get me wrong, given a choice, I would love to live. I love my two parents so much but I know I am putting a strain on them. They are old and they dont deserve this pain. They dont deserve the trouble. Long story short, I have been struggling with depression since 2014. And earlier in 2017 as of March I had financial problems and I took out bad debts from bad money lenders an amount of USD 11,000. I have worked my ass of everyday no breaks, no medical leave and finally I have managed to cut it to USD 3,200. But it is due and I have no means and earlier this month I can see the distance that this has put my mom and dad. I can see they dont love me anymore and they are so hurt. I can see my mom helpless. We are from a not so good place. My mum earns a mere salary of USD 15- USD 17 a day and she works 12 hours a day. She is old. My dad has long been retired without pension. I just got out of university early 2016 and have a Masters but where I am working, its terrible. I earn only a mere USD 900 a month. I dont use any money on myself and the debt just seems like its piling up. I dont think it is just worth it anymore. Just for some wondering, I am not from the US I dont drink I dont smoke I just keep my head down and work but here I am, just a shit life. I cant see any way out. My parents are the most amazing people. If I go away today, I reckon they can still carry on. I am not them. I am just weak and tired",-0.9943,negative,sad 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",listener_1,2,"Atleast wait around and pay off your debts so you get a positive boost when the last check has been written. From there, freedom from debt might give you some motivation.",0.875,positive,suggesting 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,3,the debt is due on saturday (tmrw which is today here). I might put my family to more strenuous events and things can just get too complicated,-0.3612,negative,apprehensive 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",listener_1,4,What happens if you don't pay on Saturday?,0.0762,positive,questioning 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,5,"The money lenders here, tey go by shame and harassment. Probably lock up the house, spray paint the house, print off my pictures and stick up on walls, make me lose my job, give my family a hard time. Probably come in large groups and make a public scene etc. Without a job, i cant pay and with my hard work for a year plus, i guess i cant find a job anywhere else other than selling burgers at the side streets or work on petrol pumps.....",-0.8691,negative,afraid 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",listener_1,6,"I would consider what I could control and what is out of my control. If you don't have the money, then keep working, and maybe even borrow from someone else to get the nasty lenders off your back? I would stay focused on making money.",-0.25,negative,suggesting 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,7,Wish me luck. Don't know what to do. But I just want a day today if any all to myself and at least spend some time with my family. Thanks for your thoughts. Some other life maybe,0.7992,positive,wishing 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,8,"Poor family, not many connections, can't borrow. I asked for a loan from my company but they dont do those kind of loans especially with someone who only started working.. I understand. I am trying",-0.2617,negative,trusting 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",listener_1,9,No need to self-harm over this.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 991,depressed,"Hey, I love life and I love my two parents but I it has been months me thinking that I am just not worth it anymore",speaker,10,Thank you. You keep fighting. I fought my fight. I am no coward but sometimes it is time when it is time.,-0.1803,negative,faithful 992,depressed,Need advice,speaker,1,"I'm a teenager, and for a long long time I've been pretty depressed. I haven't felt excitement in so long i can't even remember the last time. I can laugh at jokes and sometimes enjoy time with friends, but I feel as if I am void of both serotonin and dopamine, and everything is simply a drag. Sometimes I feel awful and sad about myself but I really never cry. I'm just pretty emotionless most of the time and sometimes very angry and irritable. My mom who has serious mental issues has had me seeing a therapist once every two weeks for a while now, and all he does is talk to me about how I've been feeling lately which is exactly what i do with my father on the phone. I want to try ssri's but I know that my mother will decline my request and force me to see the therapist much more frequently (waste of my time and embarrassing if others see me walking in.) i feel like the weeks fly by and I'm really not doing anything significant. I tried to watch porn and it doesn't even get me excited. i get a boner but mentally there is nothing going on. Not attracted to good looking girls when I'm out and about at all either. Advice?",-0.9494,negative,sad 992,depressed,Need advice,listener_1,2,"I went through something like this when I was about 14-16. It’s difficult to give advice because it varies person to person, but what got me out of it were tiny, daily, goals. Today I will; clean my room, or draw a picture, or write a poem, etc. My goals grew from there. I started really small and went onwards to say ‘apply to three colleges this week’ etc as I grew up. My girlfriend (now, I was cripplingly single when I was a teen) picked up hobbies when she was depressed; baking specifically. I hope this helps. Motivation is tough to find but it is inside you! I hope you have a good New Years. ",0.9538,positive,confident 992,depressed,Need advice,speaker,3,I have been trying to eat better and exercise more lately I will eat very clean from here on out,0.7089,positive,faithful 993,depressed,My emotions disappeared.,speaker,1,"I'm currently going through some hard times and have no emotion towards it. I have ME (mialgic ensephilomitis), ME makes you become very tired very quickly to the extent that at times it even inhibits the ability to properly think. I have other issues but that's the main one. it first started in the middle of my freshman year, I'm now a junior. Because of it my doctors have removed me from any school and I'm to tired to do most things. This has made it as if I have been frozen in time while the rest of world continues forward without me. At first this was heartbreaking and I went through depression, however during that time I always thought that my emotions were not nearly as strong as a normal person's would be in this situation. Since then I have stoped being depressed but have also stopped feeling emotion towards my situation completely, both positive, negative and even neutral emotions, I just don't feel. I have also started finding it very difficult if not downright impossible to feel empathy towards others, or any other emotion for that matter and I have been left with only logical reasoning -when I have the energy to properly think- to an extent. So I am wondering if my lack of emotion is normal or not? Is there anything I can do about it because it feels very unnatural.",-0.9837,negative,sad 993,depressed,My emotions disappeared.,listener_1,2,You experiences an emotion writing this post. The fear of whether or not your emotions disappeared is itself an emotion. The curiosity of whether or not you feel anything is an emotion. You are thinking yourself into this. It’s not true. I thought the same thing once too. I thought oh fuck I’m losing my conscience or oh shit I lost the ability to cry. Then you think yourself into all kinds of problems and diagnose yourself with even more things. But it’s not true and it’s not real. It’s your mind and it plays tricks on you. Forget your thoughts and be i the moment without them. ,-0.9229,negative,apprehensive 993,depressed,My emotions disappeared.,speaker,3,"Thank you, I never thought of it that way, but now that I have it makes sense and I feel a lot less worries. ",-0.3634,negative,neutral 994,depressed,My seasonal depression is hitting me hard and I don't want to grow up.,speaker,1,"I'm 15 years old with clinical seasonal depression (seasonal affective disorder) and I've really been struggling emotionally. Every single time winter rolls around I get very depressed and into the dull mood of winter. Now that the new year has come along I can't help but think about everything that happened this year and all my sweet memories with my girlfriend before she broke up with me. Music is a very important role in my life but I have a hard time listening to most of my library since it has memories of my girlfriend within it that make me nostalgic and sad. I'm turning 16 in a couple of weeks which I'm having a hard time with because I really don't want to leave my childhood and embrace adulthood. I'm really not sure what I could do on my own to help any of this, especially the fact of getting older. I know this all seems silly and I'm sorry but any help or suggestions would be great.",0.1495,positive,nostalgic 994,depressed,My seasonal depression is hitting me hard and I don't want to grow up.,listener_1,2,"Growing up can suck but it can also be great in some ways. I’m depressed too and have been heavily depressed since I was a teen so I know how you feel. I’m not going to bullshit you and tell you it all gets better. That’s not true. Some things do get better. When you grow up you can control a lot more of your life than you could as a kid. That means doing things you like and avoiding things and people you don’t. That part helps a lot. Also as for your girlfriend. From everything I’ve observed as an adult, eventually you will find another person you’re just as excited about. Or she may come back to you. But either way, something new will develop ",0.912,positive,excited 994,depressed,My seasonal depression is hitting me hard and I don't want to grow up.,speaker,3,Okay. Thank you for the thoughts it means a lot. I'll keep that in mind.,0.5267,positive,wishing 995,depressed,Wait For It,speaker,1," I've always had a problem with depression and REALLY bad anxiety. I don't want to go too far into detail about my life, but most of it was spent being lonely, scared and so incredibly sad. I had so many questions. Why me? Why do I feel like this? What's the point? What's wrong with me? And so many others. I've almost committed suicide twice in my life. Once when I was 14 and once when I was 18. I am now 23, married to my best friend and working on my anxiety. Logic came on the radio the other night and I could barely hold my shit together. I realized for the first time in my life that... I didn't want to die. I wanted to be here. I want to be with my husband and my crazy family. I'm not alone. I'm not sad. I'm not desperately trying to find a way out. I finally found the person that said, I want you to be alive. You've got this and I'll be with you to the end. I NEVER thought I'd make it passed 18, let alone be married to such an amazing person. For those of you who feel the same way I felt, please wait for it; just wait it out. Reach out to someone. Depression sinks into your mind like a black hole. It sucks away all our happiness and isolates us from the people we care about. You're not as alone as you think. If you don't have a support system, FIND ONE. You'll be alone as long as you let yourself be. Don't stop searching for support until you find it. The first step is the biggest and it's also the hardest. Don't let depression rule your life. It's silly, but I suggest making a Bucket List. It gets me out of the house (good for working on my anxiety!), makes me do new things, go new places and learn new things. Take up a new hobby, exercise, travel, learn a new instrument/language or write a book. Once you start all this and keep doing it, you'll fall into a habit of it. Slowly start turning your new leaf over; don't jump too fast or you'll become overwhelmed and undermine all your hard work. Just, learn how to take pleasure in the little things and find those things that make you happy. A flicker of joy is worth more than a lifetime of sorrow. ",0.9721,positive,sad 995,depressed,Wait For It,listener_1,2,That song from logic is so damn good,-0.0805,negative,nostalgic 995,depressed,Wait For It,speaker,3,"I was sad, bitter and lonely for a long time until I decided that I wasn't going to let it run my life anymore. I hope this happens for you. ",-0.6705,negative,lonely 995,depressed,Wait For It,speaker,4,It get's me in the heartstrings every damn time.,-0.4019,negative,sentimental 996,depressed,I forgot how to feel... and then remembered what mattered.,speaker,1,"I was born into a bad situation sure. My mom was a drug addict and chose the drugs over me... oh well, its whatever. She's going to have to live with that. She almost got me murdered and raped by her dealers, but hey, no pity here it made me stronger. It taught me to fight. She didn't have the money for food, so I ate out of the trash (I was like 5-6). Soon, my dad found out she cheated on him and he left her. He remarried an abusive woman and I was constantly abused for two years. Tied up, duct taped, beaten, pinched, bitten, thrown down hallways, sprayed with bleach... etc. That's all good, she's going to deal with consequences... Sure she gave me trauma and trust issues, but I am also stronger and more cautious. I even talked to the school in first grade and they turned the other cheek. Soon, she also cheated on my dad and he left her... but only because she cheated. Whatever, I get it, every man for himself. I was then sent to my grandparents where I was safe, for a while. Soon there was a personal incident, but that's okay too, he will deal with the mistakes he has made. Karma's a bitch, God asks questions, and is the only true judge that matters after all. I grew up with them, safe after the incident until about five or six years ago when my dad remarried a somewhat sane woman. She is okay, but she is immature. She needs to find blame everywhere. She is petty, but that's another problem that does not belong to me. My dad is decent, even after everything he let me go through without talking about it a single time. Maybe he will answer for that too. Ive gone through depressive states. I even forgot how to feel... it was just numb for the longest time. I couldn't even accept love from the people that tried to give it. My parents took that too. They have taken everything they could from me. The one sport I was using to cope. My freedom. My childhood. My innocence. My emotional and mental stability. My trust. However, I'm somewhat grateful. These things affect me, but in the least. I have straight A's. I have great friends. I am getting the hell out of this place as soon as I can and am giving myself a life they will have never had. So maybe when they're sleeping at night or standing in front of God trying to muster up a half ass excuse, they will think of whom their actions really reflected on.",-0.6534,negative,devastated 996,depressed,I forgot how to feel... and then remembered what mattered.,listener_1,2,"I wish you the best of luck. You are a strong person, don’t let anyone take that. My mother was a drug addict too and had me born an addict. She is now in heaven and I forgive her for her mistakes. My father is an alcoholic but he’s a good man in his heart. We don’t talk anymore since I ran away from home two years ago, but I miss him, I just don’t know if I can handle a relationship with anyone. You are what we should all be in situations like these. The bigger person💕",0.9808,positive,grateful 996,depressed,I forgot how to feel... and then remembered what mattered.,speaker,3,"Thank you! And I believe you can handle a relationship. Whatever the turnout is... just remember that what's meant to be will be and what's not well, wont.",0.2448,positive,faithful 997,depressed,My first honest rant,speaker,1,"So ill be completely honest about everything for the first time in my life I have been a refugee in germany for about 7 months now. I want to like it so bad but i cant seem to do so. I feel guilty, i read the news and see other refugees who do bad things in this country and i cant help but feel guilty and afraid that people see the stuff they do in me. I dont leave home anymore except to do important stuff because of the shame i have. I have no friends in this country, i lock myself up in a room and do nothing. The biggest problem here is that i have duties, one of which is to learn the language but ive gotten so depressed to the point that i cant. I love german, its very nice and i WANT to learn it but i cant gather the motivation to do so. i feel like a unproductive idiot. unproductivity and locking myself alone has caused me problems....im ashamed about them. im addicted to porn. it hurts but its true. no matter how hard i try to stop this addiction i fail. i have lost control. i want to kill myself and i know the mixture of lonliness, guilt and stress about my whole future will drive me to suicide. im scared and i end this post with tears",-0.9973,negative,guilty 997,depressed,My first honest rant,listener_1,2,"Please keep your head up! Compared to some others, who will never even make it to a better place you can probably consider yourself lucky. I understand your fear of being put into the same category as others who do bad things in this country but as long as you know you're not one of them and your actions show different, you will be okay. What did you like to do in your free time in your home country? Do you have anything you are or used to be passionate about? Is there may be a way to integrate that into your everyday life in Germany? And as far as learning german goes, my personal tip is to watch a simple kids movie like Lion King or anything youre familiar with in German with English undertitles, or your language if available. Don't give up on yourself !",0.96,positive,proud 997,depressed,My first honest rant,speaker,3,"I used to play sports but i stoppped due to a chronic disease. even if i still can, im too afraid of leaving home. in my head the same scenario of people being racist to me plays in my head....im so uncomfortable and it sucks",-0.9022,negative,terrified 997,depressed,My first honest rant,listener_1,4,"Don't be, I'm half German and I grew up there & lived there for 20 years. That being said I'm also half black and used to be the only one (with my siblings) that had a different skin color. People may look or have their own toughts but please, please never let that influance your personal life and actions. Do you have any other refugees living around you that you could make friends with that are like minded ? I'm sure you'd feel much move comfortable leaving the house and exploring with someone on your side ?!",0.9696,positive,questioning 998,depressed,Nobody really cares about me,speaker,1,I hate myself,-0.5719,negative,ashamed 998,depressed,Nobody really cares about me,listener_1,2,"Same here, mate. But if it helps, I'll care about you. Wanna talk it out or something?",0.8271,positive,questioning 998,depressed,Nobody really cares about me,speaker,3,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 999,depressed,I don't know if I can take it anymore..,speaker,1,"I'm so depressed and I hate my life. I've always been depressed but 2017 has to be about the worst year ever. And it's still continuing in 2018. I don't know what I'm doing In school I keep failing classes and there's only so many more colleges that I can go to. I hate my job because they never give me hours, i have things to pay, and ever since October/November I've been applying to other jobs where some I've gotten interviews but no call back after that and others where I've gotten no call at all. And recently I've just been diagnosed with herpes. Due to my depression and anxiety about all of this I haven't been eating or really drinking so I've lost weight. Im such a mess I don't know what to do, I've never felt so useless in my life and I feel so alone. I wish someone would just run me over or shoot me.",-0.9941,negative,disappointed 999,depressed,I don't know if I can take it anymore..,listener_1,2,what do you do when you fall of the horse?,0.0,neutral,questioning 999,depressed,I don't know if I can take it anymore..,speaker,3,Usually I just get back on and meditate. Think about what I need to do and somehow that gives me hope. This time I'm not sure if it will work though.,0.2354,positive,apprehensive 999,depressed,I don't know if I can take it anymore..,listener_1,4,"i understand. think of it like a garden; fall and Winter is allways devestating for the plants, but if they endure the Winter With proper care, then comes the summer and the plants are rewarded by warmth and Comfort. but what do i know? :p -sincerely, exanimationes incidamus",0.9757,positive,agreeing 999,depressed,I don't know if I can take it anymore..,speaker,5,I like that! Thank you for understanding 🙏,0.6476,positive,acknowledging 1000,depressed,i feel sad,speaker,1,"im not diagnosed. i dont know if i have depression. but what i do know is that i feel depressed. this empty, dark and heavy feeling is dragging me down. i have been feeling terribly insecure, and its affecting my performance in my everyday life. i feel so lonley, and empty. i want to talk to someone, but it seems that i can only vent here. i hate to talk about my problems to my friends, i feel guilty for some reason, it seems like im transferring negativity onto them. my family and i are very distant, so i am not comfortable talking to them about my inner struggles. am i depressed? is this just one of those days? i dont even know anymore.",-0.9909,negative,lonely 1000,depressed,i feel sad,listener_1,2,"i havent been diagnosed either but im pretty sure im also depressed. what little Comfort i can give you is that if you feel the way you Write, there is a pretty good chance that you actually are depressed. im not a psychologist but if you feel guilty for trying to open up to someone, thats probably depression. heres a link https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/help-for-depression havent brought myself to do anything, probably becase i strive to be miserable, but mabye you can find Comfort in it. so, Yeah. i probably didnt help at all. -sincerely, exanimationes incidamus.",0.6216,positive,neutral 1000,depressed,i feel sad,speaker,3,"thank you, i hope one day we can both find true happiness.",0.8957,positive,consoling 1000,depressed,i feel sad,listener_1,4,i hope so too,0.4404,positive,encouraging 1001,depressed,Can't hold on any further,speaker,1,"I feel like I had it all at one point. I was on top of the world but then I lost it all. I was the MVP of the sport I was doing but one summer ago I decided to quit. It really broke me even though it was my decision. I cried a lot of nights and I couldn't go back because my coach made it clear he never wanted to see me again.. His exact words ""You are the fastest girl on this team but youre giving it all up. Your choice. I won't wait for you."" My best friend got a boyfriend. I am so happy for her. I really am. I never seen her this happy before but the phrase ""Sisters before Misters"" hasn't come across her yet. Throughout this whole situation I felt nothing more than depressed. I have talked to her about how I feel and I thought it was all resolved, but in the end I still felt pain. My other friends, whom are also in cross country, I never get to see anymore. The only times I really got to see them was when we were all at practice. It kept us together but I let it all go. My best friend and I never hang out anymore. I feel so left out. I cant do it anymore. I just want the pain to go away. And no, I don't think about ending it all, I just want to be happy. ",0.9918,positive,devastated 1001,depressed,Can't hold on any further,listener_1,2,"Could you possibly join another sport or activity where your speed will help you? I've found exercise is huge for mental stability and it will force you to get out and about, help develop a routine to keep you busy and focused, and may introduce you to some new friends ",0.9274,positive,suggesting 1001,depressed,Can't hold on any further,speaker,3,I also joined Track & Field. This season hasn’t started yet but I am deciding to do it or not. It’s the same coach and predominately the same people from cross. I’m afraid but I was thinking of joining as a form of redemption ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1001,depressed,Can't hold on any further,listener_2,4,Do it. Why'd you quit in the first place?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1001,depressed,Can't hold on any further,speaker,5,Thank you. I should do it for myself. I’m tired of being restricted because of someone. Thank you for everything :)) <3,-0.128,negative,wishing 1002,depressed,Looking for a sign,speaker,1,"I’m in a borderline abusive relationship with my girlfriend. My father left when I was young. My mother blames me for the divorce and openly prefers my siblings to me. Most of my friends don’t know anything about me, really. I spend all day smiling to make sure I’m not a burden to everyone else. I honestly feel like I wouldn’t be missed if I was gone. I often visualize my funeral and there’s always no one there besides the pastor. I’m not diagnosed with anything, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with me. It just seems like fact to me. I’m just looking for something, anything to prove me wrong. ",-0.2336,negative,sad 1002,depressed,Looking for a sign,listener_1,2,"Hey man. I get what your feeling, I have been through phases where I had felt like no one likes me and the everyone would be better if if I had died. Don't think of yourself as a burden. Try to accomplish the little things in life. Spend times outdoors, try and socialise with other people.",-0.3252,negative,lonely 1002,depressed,Looking for a sign,listener_2,3,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: United States: 1 (866)-488-7366 - Trevor Project 1 (866) 488 7386 - Addiction Hotline 844 228 2962- Eating Disorder Hotline 888 640 5174 - Depression Hotline National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. (The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.) Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 Youth-Specific services (voice/text/chat/email) from the Boys' Town National Hotline: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/ways-to-get-help.aspx Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe Australia: 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat Austria: 142, Youth 147 Online: http://www.onlineberatung-telefonseelsorge.at Belgium: Dutch: 1813 https://www.zelfmoord1813.be/ French: 0800 32 123 http://www.preventionsuicide.be/fr/lesuicide.html Brasil: 141 Canada: Canada-wide adult hotlines list Alternatively, 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources. Nationwide Kids Help Line (Up to age 18): 1-800-668-6868 Deutschland: http://www.telefonseelsorge.de/ Tel: 0800-1110111 oder 0800-1110222 Chat: https://chat.telefonseelsorge.org/index.php Denmark: 70 20 12 01 www.livslinien.dk www.Skrivdet.dk Fiji: Lifeline Fiji: 132454 France: 01 45 39 40 00 Suicide Écoute - http://www.suicide-ecoute.fr/ Greece: 1018 or 801 801 99 99 Greece - http://www.suicide-help.gr/ Iceland: 1717 India: 91-44-2464005 0 022-27546669 Iran: 1480 6am to 9pm everyday Ireland: ROI - local rate: 1850 60 90 90 ROI - minicom: 1850 60 90 91 Israel: 1201 Italia: 800 86 00 22 Malta: 179 Japan: Tokyo - Japanese: 3 5286 9090 befrienders-jap.org Tokyo - English: 03-5774-0992 telljp.com Osaka - Japanese: 06-6260-4343 spc-osaka.org The above sites maintain links to related resources in other cities and other formats like chat and text. Korea: LifeLine 1588-9191 Suicide Prevention Hotline 1577-0199 http://www.lifeline.or.kr/ Mexico: (55) 5259-8121 (Daily, 0900-2100h) saptel.org.mx Netherlands: 0900 0113 https://www.113.nl New Zealand: 0800 543 354 Outside Auckland 09 5222 999 Inside Auckland Norway: Kirkens SOS offers phone support and chat: 22 40 00 40 and http://www.kirkens-sos.no/ Osterreich/Austria: 116 123 Portugal: SOS VOZ AMIGA: 21 354 45 45 or 91 280 26 69 or 96 352 46 60 (Daily, 1600-2400h) http://www.sosvozamiga.org/ Telefone da Amizade: 22 832 35 35 or 808 22 33 53 (Daily, 1600-2300h) http://www.telefone-amizade.pt/ Romania: 0800 801 200 Serbia: 0800 300 303 or 021 6623 393 Online chat:http://www.centarsrce.org/index.php/kontakt[2] South Africa: LifeLine 0861 322 322 Suicide Crisis Line 0800 567 567 Spain: http://www.telefonodelaesperanza.org/ Suomi/Finland: 010 195 202 available 9am-7am weekdays and 3pm-7am weekends 112, the regular emergency line, may be used at other times Sverige/Sweden: 020 22 00 60 Switzerland: 143 UK: Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90) Text: 07725909090 Email: emailjo@samaritans.org Helplines for Men from thecalmzone.net: Voice: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to midnight nationwide, also 0808 802 58 58 London and 0800 58 58 58 Merseyside) Text 07537 404717 (5pm to midnight, start your text with CALM2) Online Chat: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ ChildLine (childline.org.uk), for those 19 and under: Voice: 0800-11-11 (Free to call, does not appear on phone bills) Online Chat: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Chat/Pages/OnlineChat.aspx Email: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Pages/Email.aspx Directory of suicide-related services: http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php Uruguay: Landlines 0800 84 83 (7pm to 11 pm) (FREE) 2400 84 83 (24/7) Cell phone lines 095 738 483 *8483 ",-0.1943,negative,caring 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,speaker,1,"I think I might be, but I have no idea. I should be happy, but I'm just... Idk... It sucks. Stuff no longer interests me. My art, music, video games, TV shows, etc. no longer seem interesting or fun and I end up spending hours at a time just sitting in my chair mindlessly scrolling through Reddit... I can have fun sometimes though, but only if I'm high or drunkm I hate being alone with my own thoughts. Also, as a *fun* bonus, I'm pretty sure I have social anxiety. I don't ever go out, I hate small talk because it all feels so fake. Who gives a fuck about the weather? Who gives a fuck about where I'm from? Everyone is going to judge me for it anyways. My emotions feel faked, except when it's anger and sadness. I don't really get excited about anything, and I can never express things outwardly. I bottle everything up and I don't know why... Anyways, rant over. Sorry if you had to read all of that.",-0.9769,negative,lonely 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,listener_1,2,"im pretty sure you are depressed. i can recognize the humble personality in what you wrote, and the fact that you think there is something wrong about you also leads me to believe that you have depression. im not a psychologist but i think that loosing interest in hobbies you usually like is also a big red flag in terms of depression. i probably didnt help at all, but i hope you get some comfort from this. -sincerely, exanimationes incidamus.",0.83,positive,consoling 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,speaker,3,Thanks for the kind words my friend!,0.8687,positive,wishing 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,listener_2,4,"It's pretty hard to say when a person is depressed especially when that person himself says that he doesn't know, I think he just feels emotionless and or just tied of life. It happens to everyone, we have all faced those parts of life where everything sucks and nothing interests you anymore. ",-0.5775,negative,sad 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,listener_1,5,i see.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1003,depressed,[Don't upvote/read] Idk if I'm even depressed...,speaker,6,"Spot on, my dude",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1004,depressed,why do i attempt to give others what i cannot give myself?,speaker,1,txt,0.0,neutral,sad 1004,depressed,why do i attempt to give others what i cannot give myself?,listener_1,2,Can you give specifics?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1004,depressed,why do i attempt to give others what i cannot give myself?,speaker,3,hapiness,0.0,neutral,annoyed 1004,depressed,why do i attempt to give others what i cannot give myself?,listener_2,4,Right in the feels,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1005,depressed,I have accepted depression as a part of my life and my identity,speaker,1,"I don't see my life getting better. Good things never go my way and I don't have the energy to fight it anymore. I have accepted I will more than likely be miserable for the next 60 years of my life and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It seems like the burden is lighter now. Life sucks, my life is a joke, no woman will ever love me, I will never amount to anything, I will never be happy, I am bound to fail everything I do, nothing will ever work out in my favor, but at least, I can say I have found some peace of mind. It's not like I'll make it out of this shitshow alive anyways. ",0.5071,positive,sad 1005,depressed,I have accepted depression as a part of my life and my identity,listener_1,2,Hi. I want to know your dreams. What would you like to accomplish in life?,0.8074,positive,questioning 1005,depressed,I have accepted depression as a part of my life and my identity,speaker,3,"Travelling. Aside from that I don't know. I'm really looking forward to finally die, though. ",-0.5994,negative,apprehensive 1006,depressed,Don't even know why anymore,speaker,1,"Not sure why I keep up the facade I do. Everyone around me sees me as this happy, fun-loving person. In reality, I'm super depressed every waking minute of my life. A couple years ago, one of my closest friends hung himself. Dude was just like me; everyone thought he was super happy and then one day he was found in the closet. I don't want to go out like that, but I just hate waking up and going through day after day. I just want to be numb and not feel anything vs feeling shitty day in, day out.",-0.4774,negative,ashamed 1006,depressed,Don't even know why anymore,listener_1,2,Why do you feel shitty?,-0.5574,negative,questioning 1006,depressed,Don't even know why anymore,speaker,3,"Work stuff, family drama, being rejected recently by a girl I thought things were going great with....oh and carrying the weight of one of my closest friend's suicide for the last 2 year. I blame myself for not seeing the signs mere hours before it happened. But I've always been depressed. It comes in waves. On the outside, I get comments, saying how happy, laid back, and chill I always seem. On the inside, I'm tearing myself apart.",-0.3506,negative,sad 1006,depressed,Don't even know why anymore,speaker,4,"At this point, I don't know, man.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1006,depressed,Don't even know why anymore,listener_2,5,Break free from your cage. Do something awesome and unexpected and maybe be a bit more honest in person,0.8999,positive,suggesting 1007,depressed,I feel very helpless,speaker,1,"I already posted this to another subreddit, but didn't get enough replies, and it’s a long post but here goes: I’ve been depressed a lot in my life but recently in the first half of my sophomore year of college I’ve been hit particularly hard. Essentially I went in with a good attitude, but I quickly got shut down. I was sick most of the time and stuck in a shitty dorm. My roommate was a snotty jerk. All my classes were lectures and the only friends I made were the ones I met through this club I joined. The few friends I have are either nice people but not very social, or very social but complete douchebags. Another issue I have is my romantic life. I just turned 20 and I still haven’t lost my virginity and it’s eating me up from the inside. Most of my friends lost theirs and they always make fun of me for it. I have made out with girls a few times before but this semester I had absolutely no success. Never been in a committed relationship either. I went to a decent amount of parties but had no success. There is one girl I developed a crush on but she’s way out of my league. I don't even make attempts to socialize with people in general anymore sometimes. I have a lot of insecurities. My parents were very strict and didn’t let me go out much in middle and high school. I was never good at sports and only made one team in high school which was track, and required no skill to join. I only got my drivers license after I graduated high school, and don’t have my own car. I was bullied a little in middle and high school too. I’m not rich like most kids from my high school and college so I don’t travel on vacations and I work over breaks when I can. Every time I go on social media and see people enjoying life it makes me feel worse. Recently I have become more rash and have had more suicidal thoughts than usual. The first day of Christmas break I got into a fight with my parents and tried to slash my wrists and a few days later stabbed hand with a pencil because I felt miserable. I always stop myself before it gets too bad. My parents don’t seem to understand or even care. My dad and I barely speak to each other and my mom simply says to bear it up and that everyone goes through it, and gets irritated when I talk about it. Neither of them seem to want to listen when I tell them I have a severe problem focusing, and that it’s hurting my grades and social life. Basically I feel like a total loser. The things that used to interest me now seem bland and empty. People say college is the time of your life but it certainly doesn’t feel like that. When I go through college I see people getting involved in a lot of stuff, and no matter what I do I never seem to succeed. Call me pathetic if you want. It doesn’t hurt me anymore because I’ve already accepted myself as that. I just want some fucking advice. Honestly not sure if I can last another semester of college.",-0.996,negative,ashamed 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,speaker,1,What was your experience like?,0.3612,positive,questioning 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,listener_1,2,Is that a thing..?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,speaker,3,"Yeah, services like 7cups, Better Help, and Talkspace offer it",0.8519,positive,agreeing 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,listener_2,4,I am also thinking about it. I live in a small midwestern town—the only therapists and counselors that are here are all religious based...praying my problems away doesn’t work. I need someone who can actually help me. I was hoping someone had responded. Will keep checking back as I am curious about online therapy as well. Thanks for posting!,0.8553,positive,hopeful 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,speaker,5,"> praying my problems away doesn’t work. haha I'm sorry, but that made me laugh. I'm hoping someone will answer too... :/",0.8047,positive,consoling 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,listener_2,6,"I know, it is funny. I talked to one counselor who was surprised i asked for maybe another coping mechanism, she suggested drawing “anger circles.” Equally as unhelpful. Ha. Chin up, SUNY days ahead for both of us. ",0.5859,positive,apprehensive 1008,depressed,Has anyone ever tried online therapy?,speaker,7,"Sounds interesting. I'll give it a shot, thanks!",0.7088,positive,acknowledging 1009,depressed,Hope hurts,speaker,1,"Everytime I try to let things go, yknow, forgive and forget, it comes back. I don't think of myself as someone who holds grudges, but I've been through a lot lately trying to accept I've lost some friends and we all moved on. I try to be hopeful things go back to normal or great again. I do talk to my old friends still but its not the same as before. Whenever Im ready to give up and say ""screw you"" I always come back to wanting it to work. I try to be very optimistic about everything but I dont think my heart can hope anymore. It just hurts too much ",0.9688,positive,faithful 1009,depressed,Hope hurts,listener_1,2,"One thing that helped me let go more definitively was going somewhere I never go (like a weird part of the beach, a hiking trail you never go on, etc) and I let all that pain bubble up to my heart. To the point you can feel it, like if you put a butter knife you could scrape it away if that makes sense. Once it feels that way, take your care and pretend like you're pulling those feelings out of your chest and then hurl it as far away as you can, as hard as you can. There, it's gone. It's locked down at the bottom of the ocean, buried under the Earth's crust, rocketing past Pluto. Now anytime you think you might feel those negative feelings coming back, just remember where you out them. Do you really want to use all that energy swimming to the bottom of the ocean and dragging all the shit up with you? You don't want that. Focus on pulling in good things in your life, things you appreciate or are grateful for. Some friendships aren't meant to go beyond proximity convenience friends and trying to keep it alive past it's expiration date puts unnecessary stress on you. It's your life, fill it with people who can build a loving, trusting, nurturing relationship with you. It can be hard to let go and I know it can hurt. But just think of all that extra energy you would have for new friendships or hobbies or whatever just by releasing that toxic anger. Sending you hugs! 🤗",0.9563,positive,sentimental 1009,depressed,Hope hurts,speaker,3,Thank you for your kind words. I will definitely set sail on an adventure some place to let it all go. I want the best for me. Best wishes! ,0.9661,positive,wishing 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,1,I'm exausted and I don't like Japanese oppressive communities. Help me...,0.4306,positive,afraid 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_1,2,Me too,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,3,You too?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,4,Thank you for your advice and I feel bit better.,0.6597,positive,grateful 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,5,English isn't my native English and I am unable to say it well. The top answer to this question will give a explanation. Question on @Quora: Does anyone find the Japanese culture oppressing? https://www.quora.com/Does-anyone-find-the-Japanese-culture-oppressing?share=81b0a826&srid=5q8RS,0.504,positive,annoyed 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_2,6,"Thank you. I do have experience learning about Japan, but your link was still educational. My thought is, if you want to live in another culture, then do so. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,7,"Realized my typo. Sorry! This is the correct: English isn't my native ""language"".",-0.1511,negative,embarrassed 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_1,8,Im exhausted ,-0.3612,negative,content 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,9,yeah...we were born in the wrong generation......,-0.4767,negative,neutral 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,speaker,10,"I'm glad if it helped you in some way. Yeah, if I were rich, I would do that.",0.8316,positive,acknowledging 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_2,11,"If you are serious about self-harm, then r/suicidewatch might help you re-consider. We understand suicidal thoughts here, but we don't support self-harm as an option to solve our depression.",-0.8311,negative,apprehensive 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_3,12,I've been there. Vitamin D levels and hormone levels often times cause depression. Just let me know if you need any guidance to go about checking those things and resolving it. ,0.0258,neutral,agreeing 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_4,13,:( my heart gets out to you.... hang in there... it will be worth it in the end... i'm in the same place as you (not physically) please don't kill yourself...,0.7163,positive,consoling 1010,depressed,I'm exausted,listener_2,14,"Lots of great links, still spam. Please check r/suicidewatch for similar help and outreach.",0.8271,positive,consoling 1011,depressed,i dunno,speaker,1,"I think i got depressed again...i had a 2month break,which was really good,but now...i started cutting again. Im looking for drugs again,because when im high im finally happy. I think no one understands me. I started writing my suicide letter last night ",-0.7783,negative,sad 1011,depressed,i dunno,listener_1,2,Are you actively planning self-harm? ,0.3182,positive,questioning 1011,depressed,i dunno,speaker,3,mostly,0.0,neutral,neutral 1011,depressed,i dunno,listener_1,4,Please find some help. Keep posting here with updates.,0.6124,positive,consoling 1011,depressed,i dunno,speaker,5,"i dont know how to seek help,my mom doesnt believe that depression even exists,and when i talked about it with her she laughed in my face...i dont know for who to talk to or anything",0.7182,positive,apprehensive 1011,depressed,i dunno,listener_1,6,"Your own opinion about your health is what matters. Depression is a health issue of variable seriousness, but should be attended to like any other disease.",0.2144,positive,apprehensive 1011,depressed,i dunno,listener_2,7,"My mum never believed me about my depression either until my psych called her and recommended I go stay with her for a while on a suicide watch or I would have to go to a psych ward. There are people you can contact Even if it means calling the suicide hotline, the people there are great with information on any of you worries that you may be having. ",-0.8909999999999999,negative,trusting 1011,depressed,i dunno,speaker,8,Thank you so much♡ if its not too personal may i ask which drugs did you do? And how did you get away from them,0.3612,positive,questioning 1011,depressed,i dunno,speaker,9,Oh alright..and im sorry to hear that..thank you,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1011,depressed,i dunno,listener_2,10,"I start with taking copious amounts of painkillers, I’d have 24 a day and mixing it with alcohol then I started taking stronger painkillers (panadien fort) then to painkillers with codeine, and I’d have over 100mg of codeine a day, I started smoking weed when I was 12 as well. Just after I turned 17 I broke my knee and the doctors gave me OxyContin, oxycodon, morphine, and endone and I was having up to 20 of these a day up until I was 21. When I was 18 I started taking party drugs when I went out then got heavily involved with ecstasy, mdma, ketamine, speed, ghb, ice (meth), cocaine, and the pharmaceutical drugs. Getting away from the drugs wasn’t an easy thing at all but I stopped going out clubbing when I was 22 when I went out I would need over 1 gram of mdma to feel anything along with 10+ ecstasy pills along with the speed and ketamine. And I would drink copious amounts of alcohol while abusing drugs. I forced into quitting when I tried killing myself and seeked out help from my psych He got me into drug and alcohol councilling, and not having much family other than my mum, I look up to my psych as the closest thing to my dad and seeing him nearly cry when I told him the stuff I was going through- mind you he is a big big bloke and looks rough as guts- he told me he was proud of me and that I can make something of myself and as a male and not having a fartherly figure in my life I didn’t want to let him down so I went to 3 appointments a week and started to clean myself up. I’ve always seeked refuge to fill the void of the absence of my dad with girlfriends or substance abuse. Only the last few months I’ve been clean. And that’s because I met this wonderful girl and I’m madly Inlove with her, and she has a little boy from a previous relationship and if I didn’t pull up I would lose her. And obviously I can’t lose her because she is the back bone of my support. I know it’s not good to rely on people like I am but knowing that I can help her raise her boy and be a father figure to him cause his dad is a piece of shit like my own. So having the choice of having her around and with her little boy to have a family life and provide for people I love or end up dead or in jail. That’s what made me change. I saw where my life was heading and got myself sorted. It is hard as fuck to do. Like I’ve been stabbed, cheated on, beaten to near death, hit by cars, had a gun pulled in my face. That doesn’t compare to the struggle of getting clean, but it’s worth it. You just need to find the positives to strive for, sometimes it might only be as small as an ant but it’s something and you can’t let that glimmer of hope go. We shouldn’t make a permanent decision based on temporary feelings. We are all giving hard times in life to show us how strong we really are. The bravest and strongest people are the ones who stick it out even through the really shitty times. ",-0.2938,negative,guilty 1012,depressed,Doesnt matter.,speaker,1,I wish my emotions mattered. I wish I wasn't always trampled on and made to feel as if my emotions don't matter. Why are the people closest to the me the ones that care least? ,0.8189,positive,sad 1012,depressed,Doesnt matter.,listener_1,2,sigh,0.0258,neutral,sad 1012,depressed,Doesnt matter.,speaker,3,Thank you SonderSociety. That was very endearing :),0.6983,positive,wishing 1013,depressed,"I don't know why, I'm depressed.",speaker,1,"I am a student in my final semester of masters. My life is not shitty entirely, but whenever I am alone I just don't feel happy. Have been thinking for quite some time now still couldn't figure it out. And its just getting me more depressed. Any thoughts... ",-0.8866,negative,lonely 1013,depressed,"I don't know why, I'm depressed.",listener_1,2,Are you dependent on other people and their 'energy'? Solitude is better when we learn how to feel 'ok' when alone. ,0.4588,positive,trusting 1013,depressed,"I don't know why, I'm depressed.",speaker,3,"I have a very very small circle of friends. And I believe I am responsible for the environment I create around myself. But yes, lately, I am getting affected by the people around me. ",0.7096,positive,sad 1014,depressed,Its my birthday,speaker,1,I never really cared about birthdays. I only send a happy birthday text on facebook to People I really talk too. But this year I feel so isolated. I know it's my own fault for only saying happy birthday to like 5 People a year. It's 9 in the morning and I feel like nobody cares about me. Why do I Care all of the sudden? I feel so empty and unloved. I feel like if I commited suïcide here right now it would take months for someone to notice and find me.,0.8703,positive,lonely 1014,depressed,Its my birthday,listener_1,2,"happy birthday man. i know what you mean... exactly. my own birthdays scare the shit out of me because i want it to be one that is happy and just for me and birthdays in my past were always disappointing. so alone and uncared about i felt... i had my birthday on the 9th this month and i was so anxious it will be bad... but it wasn't, a few people came and i wasn't alone.. we had a small party.. i had anxiety about something that happened the day before and i could not talk to anybody about it. so it ruined it. but not completely, at least people came to be with me... this is my story of this week and i know birthdays can be a nightmare, because it's really the day you test everyone's level of care. although some just don't know that your birthday matters to you, there are people like that so keep that in mind too. they need to be told you want attention. all that aside, i really wish you a happy birthday and i hope in the future you will get friends who you can be happy with you deserve to be included and loved it's hard to be alone...",0.9853,positive,lonely 1014,depressed,Its my birthday,speaker,3,Thanks a lot man! Your reply really made me feel better!,0.7494,positive,acknowledging 1015,depressed,Why do I feel terrible,speaker,1,"Hello 16 ur old male here and I feel depressed sometimes and sometimes I feel fine. I also feel boxed in,and don’t feel loved by anyone. I️m not suicidal or anything but I do think about what it would be like and who would even care if I did commit suicide. I feel like the only people that would care would be my parents. I have what you could call friends but it doesn’t feel like they care about me any. I felt love for the first time since the 6th grade about a month ago and I got shut down. Everywhere I go ecspeially when I am by myself I feel like s***. Last night was the first night it got so bad I actually cried and I couldn’t stop feeling terrible until I was just so tired I feel asleep. I don’t know why I feel this way but someone pls help me.",0.9548,positive,lonely 1015,depressed,Why do I feel terrible,speaker,2,Feel free to ask me any questions if you need to know so you can help me out better,0.8467,positive,suggesting 1015,depressed,Why do I feel terrible,speaker,3,Sure just direct message me and we can talk,0.3182,positive,questioning 1015,depressed,Why do I feel terrible,listener_1,4,"Oh feelsbadman, need someone to talk about it?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1016,depressed,what should i do?,speaker,1,"so i just took 500mg of prozac. not as a suicide attempt but i just felt like i should. i guess i’m asking if i’ll just throw up and sleep it off or if i’m gonna die. what danger am i in? to clarify, i’m a 17 year old girl that weighs about 150 lbs standing around 5’7. was this choice bad enough to call my dad at work? ",-0.9103,negative,questioning 1016,depressed,what should i do?,listener_1,2,"as far as i know; there is no known lethal dose of prozac. but i would probably seek Medical attention if i were you. -best regards, exanimationes incidamus",0.7351,positive,neutral 1016,depressed,what should i do?,listener_1,3,"btw, you could Call this number: 1-800-222-1222",0.0964,positive,suggesting 1016,depressed,what should i do?,listener_2,4,What does that number lead a caller to?,0.0772,positive,questioning 1016,depressed,what should i do?,listener_1,5,poison controll,-0.5423,negative,terrified 1016,depressed,what should i do?,speaker,6,"was in terrible pain, threw up all throughout the last day, and now am just very dizzy and tired. ",-0.8947,negative,embarrassed 1017,depressed,I feel cold and angry all the time.,speaker,1,"I was broken up with after a 4 year long relationship last month, and everytime I think about my ex moving on I feel cold, empty, and angry. It hits me whenever it wants to, sometimes I can't stop the thoughts. All I want to do is lay on the floor or beat something up until the pain goes away. I was already suffering from depression before this, now I don't know what to do without her. Thinking of the fact she may start dating another man makes me cold, and makes me absolutely infuriated that someone else may be intimate with her the way I used to be. I can't get over her, I'm still madly in love with her. But i'm afraid if I try to break her space it'll just be worse and I'll make her feel worse. I've been trying to give her space, but the longer it has been since i've seen her the colder and angrier I feel. I don't know what to do. I don't want to become a psycho who holds onto her after she finds someone else, but I don't want anyone else to be with her except me. Could these feelings be caused by my depression or do I just have an obsessive personality. I feel like thinking about my ex for well over a month now constantly is completely not normal and I may become a weird because of it. I just want her back and the coldness I feel in my entire body to go away.",-0.9798,negative,sad 1017,depressed,I feel cold and angry all the time.,listener_1,2,"I’ve been feeling the same way, only with her for 6 months but the relationship got deep real quick. Left because of my depression as well. I’ve been praying to be honest. Never did for a while but I start praying. Praying for her and me. If it does not work out you just gotta stay positive. It always hurts in the beginning of a break up, but if she wasn’t the one then you will find someone. Might not be soon, but you will ",0.9153,positive,faithful 1017,depressed,I feel cold and angry all the time.,listener_1,3,"That’s I how felt with my first ex. Her doing stuff with someone else, moving on. It sucks. Took 2 years to get over her. Now I’m in with this girl it’s hard, but you gotta remember there’s other people out there. Don’t sell yourself sort. Trust me ",0.5423,positive,trusting 1018,depressed,Can't finish a freelance project due to depression. Advice?,speaker,1,"Late last year I was hired to film an event and make a film out of it. I was supposed to work on it and finish it in december or early January. But I'm not able to work on it, due to literally crippling depression. I don't have a diagnosis and it doesn't seem like my doctor even wants to test if I have a diagnosis. I've already been paid for the job, but I can't give back the money because I'm in serious financial problems. I'm almost 3 weeks late with the rent and in theory Im in minus money-wise.. And my financial grave just keeps getting deeper. What do I do? I don't see any way out of this..",-0.9443,negative,devastated 1018,depressed,Can't finish a freelance project due to depression. Advice?,listener_1,2,"I have experience with making footage and editing it into a presentable form. I remember how manic I was for several years as I acquired skills and fluency, but then I got bored, and my overall mental health declined. So yeah, depressive symptoms make finishing a project hard, but still, finish the job, complete your obligation.",-0.5054,negative,confident 1018,depressed,Can't finish a freelance project due to depression. Advice?,listener_2,3,What a *darn* shame.. *** ^^Darn ^^Counter: ^^1319,-0.4767,negative,angry 1018,depressed,Can't finish a freelance project due to depression. Advice?,listener_3,4,"Yes, thank you. Depressives do not have the easiest lives. But life doesn't come with guarantees. If you have a couple of supportive people (including a therapist), can find the right med or treatment, and have enough money, life can be more stable and thus more tolerable. If you don't have these things, it can be intolerable.",0.737,positive,grateful 1018,depressed,Can't finish a freelance project due to depression. Advice?,listener_2,5,"*Beep boop*, you are *darn* welcome, 1Tranquilo2. *** ^^Darn ^^Counter: ^^1335",0.4588,positive,annoyed 1019,depressed,Here we are again,speaker,1,I thought i was finally finding fulfilling sources of stress management and i forgot to take my meds for a couple days and im right back where i began. I feel like consistent shit and cant do anything on my own to fix it. The depression isn’t ever even about the same things its always different.. I just feel..... Wrong,-0.8934,negative,sad 1019,depressed,Here we are again,listener_1,2,"You know what helps me? The song "" Don't worry, be happy"". Best of luck. ",0.8484,positive,wishing 1019,depressed,Here we are again,speaker,3,Yes exactly ,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1020,depressed,Do you think I could hire someone to kill me?,speaker,1,Plz someone answer soon. I'm being serious,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1020,depressed,Do you think I could hire someone to kill me?,speaker,2,I'd like an answer soon if possible... Or help.,0.6369,positive,hopeful 1020,depressed,Do you think I could hire someone to kill me?,speaker,3,I'm okay for now I just get rly low every once in a while. ,-0.0516,negative,content 1020,depressed,Do you think I could hire someone to kill me?,speaker,4,Sorry Im answering so late. Had a rough day. I don't know what I was thinking last night I guess it just got rly bad. Idek I haven't been getting any sleep because of this dumb depression. It just gets worse and worse every day.,-0.9557,negative,sad 1020,depressed,Do you think I could hire someone to kill me?,listener_1,5,"You’re good. No need to apologize, we all got stuff. If anything I was concerned you went and did something drastic. Depression is a giant weight we carry. Held down even when you’re face says you’re up and happy. Don’t let it get the best of you, the load can be lightened. I’m here to talk if you want man. ",0.765,positive,content 1021,depressed,How suicidal do your student loans make you feel?,speaker,1,"Hey, so don't know how to make a long story short. But I am $115,000 in school debt (from $170K) and just feel hopeless in life and have felt just depressed and defeaded since graduating 4.5 years ago. I had no idea what school cost. I applied and got accepted at 16 years old and my parents taught me nothing about loans or debt or anything. My parents didn't guide me at all and just sent me there not intervening or saying ""thats too much you can't go there"". They are very financially irresponsible so of course they didn't care to have me go 6 figures in debt because debt is just a way of life and normal in there eyes. But not me. I want to break out of the family cycle of live - struggle - die. I went to culinary school and now don't even like my career, but in too much debt to go back to school. Kitchen workers make shit money and my school cost as much as to become a doctor. Im barely making $20K a year I have gone to therapy for about 2 years now and still can't cope. I just want it gone. I just moved back in with my parents to save about $10K a year on living expenses (was living in NYC) and I have learned about Dave Ramsey and totally want to tackle my debt and get rid of it ASAP. Long story short money always ran my life and does so more than ever and my debt makes me wish I would just die than continue to struggle, stress, and worry 24/7",-0.9963,negative,devastated 1021,depressed,How suicidal do your student loans make you feel?,listener_1,2,"I would say something but honestly idek. I'm just some depressed teen who wishes the pain could stop but if u want to talk or something I will, I need help distracting myself anyways soo...? ",-0.6808,negative,questioning 1021,depressed,How suicidal do your student loans make you feel?,listener_2,3,hey dude watch this hope it helps for 10 mins at least <3 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HqSoxMOrVeE,0.7162,positive,consoling 1022,depressed,Depressed but don’t want to take medication for it,speaker,1,I’ve been so down these past two years and everyone notices. They always tell me to just get over and take anti depressants bu I fucking hate taking any kind of prescription they make me feel like shit and they turn me into a emotion less zombie and I don’t eat. Anyone else feel this way?,-0.8748,negative,angry 1022,depressed,Depressed but don’t want to take medication for it,listener_1,2,"i was medicated for awhile but i stopped due to nausea and other shit, so i completely understand where you come from. and the People, who tell you to just get over it, truly dont understand depression.",0.1523,positive,agreeing 1022,depressed,Depressed but don’t want to take medication for it,speaker,3,"I’ve thought about, I just hate the fact of relying on pills to get me through the day. I’m honestly still thinking about trying them",-0.1779,negative,apprehensive 1022,depressed,Depressed but don’t want to take medication for it,speaker,4,That’s honestly such a crazy story. I’m sorry you had to go through that with the medication but what’s good is that your sound better and I hope you continue to do better.,0.9481,positive,sympathizing 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,1,For real? Hardly anyone seems to want to be around me anymore... I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I worship the ground my friends walk on... whatever. No one would care. No one. Plus my grades are trash and I’m going nowhere in life anyway. I wish I could painlessly off myself or drop dead or something just to get it over with. ,-0.168,negative,lonely 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,listener_1,2,"> worship the ground my friends walk on Do you think they sense that, and then feel uncomfortable? Perhaps you have a one-sided relationship? Think about how you can generate your own self-worth which is independent of outside opinions.",0.4696,positive,faithful 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,3,Then I won’t have anyone tho :(,-0.4404,negative,lonely 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,listener_2,4,You got me unless i dont count,0.0,neutral,neutral 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,5,"That’s true, and very sweet of you. Thank you",0.8221,positive,acknowledging 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,listener_2,6,As someone with no friends i know what this shit is like ,-0.649,negative,agreeing 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,7,I’m really sorry to hear that 😔 I wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. But I’ll be your friend though!,0.7612,positive,sympathizing 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,listener_2,8,Ty same here u can talk to me man ive lived through this many times,0.3818,positive,agreeing 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,9,"Thank you very much, that means a lot :) People are so mean I don’t understand it ",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,listener_2,10,Cutting down others makes ppl feel better about themselves for whatever reason,0.34,positive,guilty 1023,depressed,Would people notice if I were gone?,speaker,11,That’s dumb. What always happens to me is that people find more fun people to be around and I’m always left alone,-0.1796,negative,lonely 1024,depressed,My father doesn't love me. At all.,speaker,1,22m So I have Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder alongside Type 1 Diabetes and high blood pressure problems and hypothyroidism. I've had Type 1 Diabetes since I was 4 and diagnosed with Clinical Depression and Anxiety Disorder when I was 16. But I'm pretty sure I've had CD since I was like 13. I now also have Bipolar Disorder and Borderline Personality Disorder. I think I have PTSD as well. So my father thinks that mental illness is all fake. I've endured much psychological abuse from him. He tells me that I'll never amount to anything and I'll always be a failure. I don't like talking to him because he gets mad very easily and calls me names. He laughs at my achievements. Today I posted on Facebook about it and someone called my mom and him. He laughed and called me a bunch of shit again. I try to educate him but he refuses. I'm still in this house because I've only recently learned how to manage my illnesses. He thinks I'm a joke. He thinks mental illnesses are a joke. He clearly hates me. Thinks I'm lazy and stupid. I got into a Google course and he sees me as a failure still. ,-0.9912,negative,afraid 1024,depressed,My father doesn't love me. At all.,listener_1,2,"You should prove him wrong, become successful and once you're set, talk to him about what he accomplished vs what you did. Rub it in his face,",0.5574,positive,angry 1024,depressed,My father doesn't love me. At all.,listener_2,3,It's difficult because sometimes you cannot live up to other people's definition of success.,0.29600000000000004,positive,sad 1025,depressed,You know your depressed when even your dog is concerned about you.,speaker,1,"Title says it all, like salt in the fucking wounds, my dog looks at me with sympathy, she comes and sleeps by my bed at night to be a nice prensence for me. She is fucking lovely but it makes me feel useless as a 26 year old man. She is so small and vulnerable and she looks at me concerned. She knows when Im not happy before anyone else does. I appreciate her a lot, but it makes me feel worse",-0.7266,negative,grateful 1025,depressed,You know your depressed when even your dog is concerned about you.,listener_1,2,My dog does the same. Makes me sad for her. ,-0.4767,negative,sentimental 1025,depressed,You know your depressed when even your dog is concerned about you.,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1025,depressed,You know your depressed when even your dog is concerned about you.,listener_2,4,Most women I know do not like or trust men who do not cry. Those men seem less than human. Most men I know cry when they have reason. My father cried when he had reason. He was a semi pro boxer and boxing manager. That macho enough for you?,-0.7881,negative,jealous 1025,depressed,You know your depressed when even your dog is concerned about you.,speaker,5,?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1026,depressed,Can’t deal anymore I want to die,speaker,1,"My life has been going down hill for a few months now starting with when I had an encounter with a teacher (I don’t like saying what it actually was) I was treated horribly by everyone around me after being away from school taking blood and other tests. I lost many of my friends and I became judge even more heavily, my parents restricted me of everything I wasn’t allowed my old friends who didn’t care about what happened to come over. I was already cutting much before this entire situation, I became so angry and depressed I covered my entire top forearm in cuts. I wore jumpers to hide them. The vice principal and chaplain searched my locker in order to find drugs or weapons, which I don’t use either of. Then the teachers at my school found out about it all, rumours about me having AIDS or HIV started amongst them. A parent of a student I never spoke to went to the school in an attempt to prevent me from going on school trips which almost came true. The teachers decided to have “a whole school audit” (which somehow only included me who actually did my work and not anyone who’d be on putlocker) I was temporarily suspended from school for an a pop up advertisement that appeared on my screen for some porn thing. (I didn’t know what it was nor care) luckily the surrounding schools basically fought my school and got the suspension removed off my record. Flash to now where my ex boyfriend started following the cut up my face trend and sent me a photo, I felt ugly and ashamed of who I was and still am. I want it all to end. I want to die and I don’t think I can handle living anymore. I’m sorry I feel this way. The thoughts of effecting people I don’t even know makes me sadder because I know my parents won’t give to shits about me. I want to do horizontals and verticals on my arms and die. Drown myself or hang myself, do something I just want to be away from this mess. Sorry for the long post I just needed a place to vent.",-0.9926,negative,devastated 1027,depressed,"People on reddit, don’t help that much",speaker,1,"Well this is my point of reddit but like they ask to speak with you, and try to talk about your depression. Most of the times you are expecting them to reply back but they don’t. Then they ask for your Facebook like we can talk on here dafaq. ",0.25,positive,neutral 1027,depressed,"People on reddit, don’t help that much",listener_1,2,"I get that. I want the anonymity that Reddit provides and also Facebook is literally one of the worst sites to visit when battling depression because it's the polished bits of everyone's life (for the most part). I hope you had a good day Ollion666 And if you still want to talk, I'm here! PM me if you want or just reply. Hugs to you my dude 🤗 (or dudess)",0.5197,positive,wishing 1027,depressed,"People on reddit, don’t help that much",speaker,3,Haha as you can see I have a lot of depression posts you could read those then PM if you have stuff to ask and if you wanna chat and yes dudess.,0.25,positive,acknowledging 1028,depressed,I feel alone,speaker,1,For the first time in my life I have this feeling of loneliness and sadness that consumes me I don’t know what to do I feel like I will die alone with no friends and no one to love it has been getting worse and worse I just started second semester of college I try to drown my feeling with school work and sleeping I don’t know what to do I don’t see a end. ,-0.9471,negative,lonely 1028,depressed,I feel alone,listener_1,2,"Your school should have a counseling center. Call them. Make an appointment. Be honest with the person they assign you. Do small stuff to make yourself feel better. Text someone from back home, or from your family, ask if they want to hang out. Eat a chocolate bar, sit outside for a few minutes, read a few pages of a book, clean your room, do something to take your mind off of it for a few minutes. It’s a lot like grief, in that it’s overwhelming and horribly heavy and impossible right now, but a year from now it will be less of those things. Two years from now you might not even think this way anymore. Give yourself time, this too shall pass.",0.3716,positive,trusting 1028,depressed,I feel alone,listener_2,3,Thank you! I hope you have a today that knocks your socks off and then dry cleans them for you and rubs your feet! :),0.8395,positive,encouraging 1029,depressed,Gonna cry myself to sleep in a second,speaker,1,That's it. Just felt like posting it somewhere at all.,0.3612,positive,content 1029,depressed,Gonna cry myself to sleep in a second,listener_1,2,"Having experienced the utterly exhaustion that is caused by crying yourself to sleep, I hope you have good dreams or else none at all. I hope you wake up feeling more hopeful that today will be your day. I'm giving you a big virtual hug now and also tucking you in mom style. 🤗 PM me if you ever need ok? ",0.9509,positive,caring 1029,depressed,Gonna cry myself to sleep in a second,speaker,3,"Thanks. I don't even know why I was so depressed and sad last night, for some reason after getting off work the full weight of pessimistic shit I read on the internet hit me and I just felt utterly hopeless. Now it just feels like an overreaction, so I guess in a way that's good since i'm feeling much better. Again, thanks, your comment probably helped to start this day off better. ",-0.2955,negative,acknowledging 1030,depressed,An interesting start of the end,speaker,1,"I’m a senior in college and I feel sick of it all. Last semester I went through a depressive phase where I couldn’t get the insecurities out of my head long enough to enjoy the people and things around me. I would put the blame on them because I was tired of it being on myself, I would go into anger-infused rants or panic attacks when I was too stressed, and I hurt relationships and my perception of those relationships in my life. One way or another it felt like things were falling apart, not measuring up, and that I was the blame. Now that I’m back for round two. Already I feel like I’m letting my fear and anger get the better of me. I’m scared for my relationship to my girlfriend of one year, I’m scared of ruining the last few friendships I have, and I’m scared I’ll be living in anger and fear for a large portion of this last semester. I want to say I can get past this but I really don’t know. I’m working out, on meds, and trying to practice mindfulness but it all seems fruitless if I have a bad day that just turns it all on its side. Do you guys know of any good techniques or ways to keep your head above the soup of shit? Any thoughts on my current situation? Honestly, any words would be appreciated. I feel so lonely.",-0.9718,negative,ashamed 1030,depressed,An interesting start of the end,listener_1,2,"It's a hard mentality to break, but one thing that helped me was patience. Patience with myself and my feelings, patience with ""reading"" how other people felt about me, and patience in your recovery. Something my mom told me helped: patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting. It may seem oximoronic when talking about depression since it can be so hard to feel in control of our emotions, etc. So, patience with yourself number 1. Depression is a war and it sounds like you've been winning the war, but have had a few rough battles lately. So make sure you get back up when needed and reorganize your troops when needed! You'll need different things at different times to handle depression. Also you have friends and a girlfriend who loves you! They choose to be friends with you, to love you. That's a wonderful thing that deserves to be nourished and so are you! Please remember that and keep going! 🤗 Sorry this was rambling and I hope it made you feel at least a little bit better... We love you and if you need to talk ever, shoot me a PM. But, for now, go snuggle your girlfriend and tell her how much appreciate her being there for you. ",0.9858,positive,faithful 1030,depressed,An interesting start of the end,speaker,3,Thank you so much for the kind words :) I really appreciate the advice ,0.8977,positive,grateful 1030,depressed,An interesting start of the end,listener_1,4,Anytime! World can never have too much love :),0.8172,positive,joyful 1031,depressed,group projects in college..,speaker,1,"So I have this hybrid class that will not be meeting in class until 4 weeks later. When we meet again, there will be a required group project we will begin. Today was the second class meeting of the new term, and the professor ended class early so we could talk to other people and begin to form groups. Right away, other people started to form groups and nobody wanted to let me be in their group. So I left the class. This always happens, nobody wants to let me be in their group.. I ask, but they say their group is full. The professor let us pick our own groups, instead of assigning, so that sucks.. What do I do? Class doesn't meet again until 4 weeks later. I can't do this project alone either. Please help...do I talk to the professor? Send an email to the class looking for group members? Help...got very depressed being left out",-0.8640000000000001,negative,apprehensive 1031,depressed,group projects in college..,listener_1,2,i’d probably send an email to the class looking for a group,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1031,depressed,group projects in college..,listener_2,3,"That too, and if that doesn't work email the professor and say that he can't find a group and do the project alone",-0.25,negative,agreeing 1031,depressed,group projects in college..,speaker,4,thanks for responding..i already found a group though now. it's already been 4 weeks past. now almost 5 weeks after tomorrow.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1031,depressed,group projects in college..,listener_3,5,"I'm so glad. Remember, this is no big thing and not indicative of your personality or ability as a student. Thanks for writing!",0.7639,positive,proud 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,speaker,1,hey I’m Anthony and I’m still stuck on a girl who probably doesn’t remember I’m alive 💔 ,0.4019,positive,ashamed 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,listener_1,2,Try to forget she's alive.,0.1779,positive,sad 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,speaker,3,Sort of like an Ex but we were so close and welp she vanished,0.1901,positive,neutral 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,speaker,4,I try and then she comes back and welp ,0.0,neutral,annoyed 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,speaker,5,Thx man ur words of encouragement r amazing and yea I’m moving on it’s best for me ya know as much as I wanted it to work it won’t and welp now I’m trying thx tho 💖,0.969,positive,acknowledging 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,listener_2,6,"Anytime man, if you ever want to talk about shit yku can always pm me. Good luck with everything",0.3818,positive,wishing 1032,depressed,what would life been like?,speaker,7,Thx I appreciate the love man 💖💞💗💓💝💘💕,0.9911,positive,grateful 1033,depressed,Depressed. Pls read,speaker,1,"I'm so depressed... I think if I moved to another school everything would be better no matter if there would be better classmates or not, 'cause first of all, anyway nobody understands me. Ok I don't wanna talk about how sad and depressed I am and what it is caused by. I'm becoming more and more introverted. I don't even wanna talk to those 3 friends I have so I just ignore them. On half of the lessons I have my head laid on the table and eyes closed and in general I've become veery sad depressed and moody. I always had problems but stayed positive and made everyone laugh. But I've changed. I decided to start using reddit because here might be so many teens like me.",0.8308,positive,lonely 1033,depressed,Depressed. Pls read,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel, after a recent breakup I felt so alone for months. I really felt like I had nobody I distanced myself from everyone and become so encased in my own head it almost drove me to suicide. I've found that distracting yourself with things really helped me and recently I've been trying to keep more fit (go to gym eat healthier etc) and I did it with a friend. I may not have that many people I consider as a friend but distractions and goals have really made me look forward to my future. ",-0.1711,negative,lonely 1033,depressed,Depressed. Pls read,speaker,3,So you could change something and I can't I have to deal with the problem every single day and after some time it won't be in the centre of attention I guess ugh I don't even know what to do my parents won't even let me move to another school so I will have to talk to them about all these but I don't want to because they're not trustworthy for me ,-0.7887,negative,apprehensive 1034,depressed,crying,speaker,1,"i stopped being able to cry a long time ago. it sounds like a good thing and, in a way, it probably is. recently i've been in a, sort of, ""limbo"" where i can't really find any distractions to keep me occupied and i realized that i really just want to fucking cry. there's no apparent reason to why i feel like this, i just want to break Down in tears and lay on the floor shaking and when i try to, i just cant. it's like i'm fucking constipated. ",-0.7936,negative,sad 1034,depressed,crying,listener_1,2,"I think it makes a lot of sense. At least for me, crying is a great way to let go of a lot of feelings, at one time. Do you have any idea why it's hard for you now?",0.1531,positive,questioning 1034,depressed,crying,listener_2,3,Probably was never allowed to cry imo. Either due to circumstance or whatever. ,0.3724,positive,neutral 1035,depressed,"Worked to the bone, motivation is dead.",speaker,1,"Im going to be short with describing my situation. Im a junior in high school and because of the high school I go to, being one of the ""top 100"" in the country, I feel overwhelmed with the insane work load (4 AP/College Classes), and its like no matter how much I work, which typically is after class when I get home, 5pm to 9pm on studying and classwork, nothing is ever gratifying. No matter how many sleepless nights and endless suffering I put myself through for this damn school, my GPA is barely a 3.1, and its to the point where it feels like its as if i'm living life for the soul purpose of being beaten over the head. Top this with the fact that my parents who have visibly seen my work myself to the point of falling asleep at my desk every week, dont give a damn about how much work I've put into class, discounting the fact that I've dedicated 4 years of my life into playing in an orchestra and playing hockey, and another 3 years as a cadet in the civil air patrol. They dont care and it feels like there isnt an ounce of understanding, as if they dont give a single shit about how little sleep I get and how much I sacrificed and that because of school I basically have no social life, and dread every moment of my existence. Ive gone so far as to fill the void with cigarettes and alcohol, and it feels like ive been circling the drain. Nothing gives me legitimate joy anymore, and I feel like im in a rut where they wont understand and will only scold me, like they have before, feeding me a crock of shit about how ""I care more about how much you learn"" while beating me over the head (metaphorically) about not having high enough grades while ignoring my SAT score (1480) and how well I achieve academically outside of school. TL;DR, my motivation is dead and it feels like im living without a purpose, with parents who dont give a shit about what ive sacrificed and all the basic joys of life like ""leisure"" that Ive entirely given up for school, and I legitimately have no clue what to do, its as if im in a pit where the very same people I hoped would toss down a latter instead placed a board atop the pit, snuffing out whatever hope I have.",0.6887,positive,embarrassed 1035,depressed,"Worked to the bone, motivation is dead.",listener_1,2,"Hm sounds exactly like my old school... Why do I feel your somebody I know? Welp idk I realize it seems hard rn but keep in mind youre in Junior year. Two years from now you'll already be moved into a really good college, and from what I've heard college is like a fresh start. With everything... So it's up to you and how much you want to get through. But hey I'm just some random person from your eyes so...🤷‍♂️ ",0.906,positive,acknowledging 1035,depressed,"Worked to the bone, motivation is dead.",speaker,3,"I go to a specialized high school in nyc so that may be the reason why I sound familiar. But thanks for taking the time, at the moment im just trying to take things day by day and get by tbh.",0.5927,positive,acknowledging 1035,depressed,"Worked to the bone, motivation is dead.",listener_1,4,I'm being dead serious but have you gone to a therapist. Because I literally just walked out of one of the most life-changing therapist meetings in my life. I'm literally sitting here waiting for my parents to finish up with her. I was seriously reluctant on going and but a friend basically convinced me to and now I actually see a end to this madness. And I went to a specialized middle/high school in DC where I live so that's why I thought I might know you. Just give a therapist a good thought.👍,0.1993,positive,trusting 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,speaker,1,"Fuck everything. All of it. Use me until I'm dry. I can't even call out for help workout having to grammar check my shit. That's the saddest fuck ng thing. Story of my life. If you care about someone, make sure they know it. I've done my part, grammar check can't even take care of me anymore. I give up. Fuck out all.",-0.9264,negative,angry 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,2,I feel like we made similar mistakes in life.,0.0,neutral,trusting 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,3,I actually just logged into this account for the first time in a month because I'm at a low point and seeing your reply from less than 24 hours ago makes things a little more bearable. Thank you.,0.1065,positive,grateful 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,4,"I just posted over in r/PTSD everything that has come to light for me recently. Basically my mother is concerned I may have PTSD and I think she may be right but I'm having trouble accepting it. The last 3 years of my life have been a complete hell that all started with me being falsely accused of physically abusing my son. I was treated like an animal and I felt like I was less of a human. After that was all over my relationship fell apart because I had turned into such a bitter piece of shit and then my ex moved 3 states away and took my son with her. I've lived in my parent's basement for 2 years now. I haven't had a job or dated or even made any friends in the lasdt 2 years. I abuse alcohol up to 3 nights a week so I can numb my emotions and so I won't remember my dreams. I don't know what else to say or where to go with this, but this is venting.",-0.9787,negative,afraid 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,5,"Its less about the fact that im living with my parents, and more about the fact that I am certain that if I didn't go through being harassed by child protective services that I would have a job, live with my ex, and see my son every day. I used to be a very social person, and I never drank before this. I've now isolated myself for 2 years without meeting anyone or doing anything new. I don't remember what it feels like to enjoy anything. I spent ridiculous amounts of time playing video games and I'm well aware I am only distracting myself momentarily. I just feel doomed to stay this way for the rest of my life. I will never have a steady job, I will never marry, I won't have anymore children, and I will never be happy. I feel intense helplessnes, like I'm trapped in my own shitty life.",-0.9042,negative,lonely 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,6,"I often joke about how I'm a hermit. Well it's less of a joke, and more of a reality, but you get the picture. I'm Danny, by the way. Nice to meet you Kayla. It's weird how good it feels for a stranger on the internet to relate to me. I often feel like I am completely alone. I know very well that people are suffering everywhere, but I have a real problem of getting so stuck in my own head that I feel like I am so alone that literally no one can help me. I have my 2 cats (which I fought tooth and nail to keep after me and my ex split) and they are what I call my only friends. I'm not sure what I'm saying anymore, but it just feels nice to talk to an actual person that listens and talks back, even if it is through my throwaway account on reddit.",0.6626,positive,lonely 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,7,"Well hey I've been doing all the talking so far so I'll flip it on you, how have you been feeling today? You mentioned a few things that I could tell were things you are not happy about. You seem to be in a pretty similar place to me, but you also seem to have more of a sense of humor about it. I'm curious how you cope with your unwanted thoughts and feelings. No pressure, I'm just enjoying conversation and I want to know more about the person who ~~ironically~~ *coincidentially* hoped I felt better on one of my worst days.",0.9008,positive,questioning 1036,depressed,5 years and still don't know how to post,listener_1,8,"Wow, that's an insane memory to have to live with. I am sorry for your pain, no one should have to experience anything like that. It's good to hear that you aren't drinking anymore, that is something I hope for myself someday. Also, even if you aren't the happiest with your relationship, it says something positive about you that you are able to be close and trust someone as a partner. I still haven't made any effort close to that. Seriously the only time I talk to anyone is on reddit, and that isn't very often. I want to stress that I am not sure if I have ptsd, but I will be seeing a psychologist soon to be evaluated. I thought I had run of the mill depression until I started to think about my recurring nightmares, and my intense and irrational fear of losing my son to the child protective services. I had always thought that ptsd was only caused by an assault or intense combat experiences. I don't know if losing my son and my life getting destroyed is considered a traumatic experience. I don't know the line between something causing depression and something causing ptsd.",-0.9889,negative,sympathizing 1037,depressed,i wasted my life trying,speaker,1,"my motivation to do anything has been dead for the past two years. i see no point in enjoying life for the little things when I'm so pathetic. i have no future and despite all of this, i actually tried but to no avail. i think I'm done here.",-0.7664,negative,sad 1037,depressed,i wasted my life trying,listener_1,2,"I have similar thoughts, but my survival instincts are strong enough that I have not broken down. If I start daily abuse of substances again, then that is a sign I am gearing up for a suicidal act. This time I may provoke a fight and get beaten to death rather than swallow pills and lay down. Mood swings are consistent though, and I wait for happy times.",-0.9533,negative,afraid 1037,depressed,i wasted my life trying,speaker,3,i wish you the best ,0.7845,positive,wishing 1038,depressed,Hungover and depressed,speaker,1,Ugh why do i feel sooooo depressed after a night of heavy drinking... Like this feeling sucks so bad and i just have so much regret,-0.9071,negative,sad 1038,depressed,Hungover and depressed,listener_1,2,"Might be how alcohol metabolizes, sugars, effect on brain/nerves, and extreme highs, then compensatory lows. Atleast that is how I understood it when I was a drunk.",-0.4939,negative,suggesting 1038,depressed,Hungover and depressed,speaker,3,I didnt do any dumb shit and i didnt black out,-0.2259,negative,neutral 1038,depressed,Hungover and depressed,speaker,4,I have a gym membership and i dont pound scotch bc i dont even drink it,0.0,neutral,faithful 1039,depressed,"Is there a name for when you're happy, but not really able to fully appreciate it because you're also depressed?",speaker,1,"It's a weird feeling. Everything is going well, life is good and I'm having fun. Yet, I'm depressed at the same time. I find myself laughing less, and less sociable. I guess some people would just call it ""depression"", but I've never been so distinctly happy at the same time.",0.8515,positive,sad 1039,depressed,"Is there a name for when you're happy, but not really able to fully appreciate it because you're also depressed?",listener_1,2,"¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯ Sounds like it's the depression talking. Am kinda in the same boat right now. Everything is quantifiably going well, but I still want to hermit it up in my apartment. I hate that feeling of knowing I'm happy, but not being able to feel it. I tend to first notice it when I'm watching something funny on TV and I *know* it's funny, and I laugh somewhere in the back of my head, but I just don't *feel* it. I wish I had some advice but on top of depression being kind of a nebulous thing, I don't really know you or your history, if the depression is long-standing, or if there was a recent cause, etc. For me, I've had depression for, I don't know, almost 20 years? With treatment starting around six years ago. When I go through these ""episodes"" I just... wait it out. I know that tomorrow, or the day after, or maybe even the day after that, I'll probably feel better. For the moment I just continue trying to force myself to keep the house clean/keep myself clean/keep going out and doing things/etc. I know my capacity for stress is very low right now, so I try to keep myself in ""safe"" situations and environments. ""Try"" is the key word, here. I'm still sitting here on a Monday morning, unemployed, smoking pot and procrastinating on my housewifely duties, but eventually I'll finish my cup of coffee, get off Reddit, change out of my pajamas and go out and get some errands done. I guess the gist of what I'm trying to say is that it's going to be okay. The happiness might feel ""fake"" and the emptiness really big, but it's the happiness that's big and real and the depression that's fake. ",-0.1997,negative,sad 1039,depressed,"Is there a name for when you're happy, but not really able to fully appreciate it because you're also depressed?",speaker,3,"This was really helpful, thank you. Sometimes the best thing is just knowing you're not alone. ",0.8959,positive,acknowledging 1040,depressed,Depression ?,speaker,1,"Hi, i am 18 and i’m a senior. I usually am a happy person and outgoing but lately i don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel empty, emotionless and i don’t know why. Am i depressed ?? I think that everyday ... But the thing is that when i do get out like to go to school i smile and i look normal but when i get home i feel alone and awful ... can someone explain that to me :( ",-0.9195,negative,lonely 1040,depressed,Depression ?,listener_1,2,People make you feel better although it gets draining. I used to love being alone and now is despise it,0.5719,positive,lonely 1040,depressed,Depression ?,speaker,3,Same... and sometimes i do want to be alone but then i feel like i m sinking and i feel a Deep pain and i don’t know what caused it ,-0.3716,negative,neutral 1040,depressed,Depression ?,listener_1,4,Well talking to people is draining after a long time but even if it drains you if you stay alone you'll slowly shut yourself off and honestly just get worse while finding some healthy but probably unhealthy habits to fill the time. You've just turned 18 and everyone is moving and doing stuff with their lives things are changing and it's bloody stressful. As hard as it is try speaking to someone and maybe they can help you in some more meaningful way since they know you better if not that therapy can be nice to start since they will will listen to your issues,0.3484,positive,suggesting 1040,depressed,Depression ?,speaker,5,I feel like if i talk with someone they will laugh at me or don’t understand me. My parents will think they are the problem or they caused it some how. And i talked with my boyfriend and he thought that somebady made me feel this way but it’s not . I just don’t feel like myself anymore and i feel trapped in my own body and mind,-0.0387,neutral,ashamed 1040,depressed,Depression ?,speaker,6,God you made me cry :( thank you for your support i think i need that right now. I will take some time to recharge because i feel tired and even if i want to do something i feel like i have zero motivation. Thank you so much ! I did some research and i do have the simptoms for depression but i also believe that i can get my life back someday... i just want to know why i have these feeling of emptyness ,0.4003,positive,sympathizing 1040,depressed,Depression ?,listener_2,7,"Of course! Sometimes you just need someone to connect with, someone to hear you out, I understand. Depression can be temporary too so the fact that you're seeing the potential be better and wanting to find out what might be the underlying issue is really good. Keep your head up and I'll be here if you need! ",0.4547,positive,agreeing 1041,depressed,I'm so lonely and depressed,speaker,1,I married my childhood sweetheart and we had two beautiful children. We were together for 18 years 11 of them we were married. He passed away and I didn't think I'd make it through this horrible time in my life but I had to get my children through it. Then I met this guy and after time we fell in love and he was everything to me and the kids. He treated them as if they were his own and we were so happy like we were born for each other. After 10 years He also passed away. I was devastated and shut myself down. Now I've been alone for so long that I'm starting to feel very depressed and empty. I don't really go out anymore and I haven't hung out with my friends for years now. Im just so empty but I'm starting to feel so alone and I'm afraid to date anyone because I feel like a black widow with a dark cloud hanging over my head. I don't know what to do at this point in my life. Any suggestions. Well thanks for listening I wish you all peace love and happiness,0.9868,positive,grateful 1041,depressed,I'm so lonely and depressed,listener_1,2,"Oh hun that's horrible!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that ): I can't imagine the pain... My heart hurts for you, really. If you ever want someone to talk too or just vent too you're more than whine to DM me. I'm terribly sorry for your loss ❤️❤️",-0.9072,negative,sympathizing 1041,depressed,I'm so lonely and depressed,speaker,3,Thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 1042,depressed,I feel like a loser,speaker,1,"I'm 22, never kissed a girl, let alone have sex. I feel like I'm such a loser. I have a job and I'm completely independent financially, But the whole ""never been with a girl"" thing makes me feel like shit.",-0.636,negative,ashamed 1042,depressed,I feel like a loser,listener_1,2,I’m 33 and a virgin. I keep up the hope someone will come along that I will fall for. I’ve tried being outgoing and networking but realized I have trust issues. Confidence is a huge turn on for women. Keep your chin up ♥️,0.969,positive,faithful 1042,depressed,I feel like a loser,listener_2,3,I’d have to agree with this guy. Confidence is literally a help from here to a world over. working up my confidence by forcing myself into social gatherings thanks to my friends has opened up an entire new part of my life with women. I’m 21.,0.9501,positive,confident 1042,depressed,I feel like a loser,listener_3,4,Don't do that buddy. It gets better. You can always invest in bitcoin then see it plummet to 9k. Then you can be disappointed about not having a lambo to bang girls. ,-0.0516,negative,sad 1042,depressed,I feel like a loser,speaker,5,"Thanks man, i appreciate your reply. To be honest, I've told myself what you've said. But it definitely helps to hear it from someone else. So thanks alot",0.9518,positive,acknowledging 1043,depressed,Heartbroken like never before,speaker,1,"So I know this seems trivial compared to what some of you are going through but i could really use help getting through this. Im normally such a happy/carefree person but since Christmas ive been dumped and gotten back with a now ex girlfriends 3 or 4 times. Everytime she leaves I go into the wrost state of mind ive ever been in, and i by no means have had a perfect life so i know what pain feels like, but nothing even compares to this. I cant sleep or focus on conversations with anyone, even at work. I keep having suicidal thoughts and ive never thought like that before and it scares the shit out of me. When she leaves its like the world is over and when she comes back im the happiest person ive ever been. I cant get more then 4 hours of sleep and i wake up thinking about her every time i do manage to sleep. I really dont know what to do. I know everyone will say time heals all i just cant stop thinking that i cant deal with how this feels for as long as it is going to take to move on. The wrost part is knowing she still loves me and is forcing herself to leave because she scared to risk me hurting her even more in the end, and instead of moving on like should..just to start getting over this already, i would do this breakup get back together thing for the rest of my life if she'd let me.. i guess i lost the point of this post i just need to figure out how to let this go. Any advice on forgetting someone you love? ",0.8774,positive,sympathizing 1043,depressed,Heartbroken like never before,listener_1,2,"The thing about ""Time heals"" is you have to let go before you can heal. This long ponging you around is either A) going to continue to break you again and again or B) eventually you'll get tired enough with the exhaustion it's causing you that you'll start to break apart of them and eventually be able to let go. It's still devastatingly sad but you'll be as ready as you'll ever be able to be, to do it. I understand the struggle of the daily anxiety attacks, feeling like your heart is being pulled out of your chest every time their absent and feeling that relief and calm when they're around. It's horribly exhausting having your emotions rely so heavily on someone else. It's something you have to be ready to admit that, at least, this pattern of pulling you in and out is not healthy nor is it your fault. You need to put yourself in a mindset where you are choosing to accept this person Everytime they come back and are choosing to stay everytime they leave. There was a quote I saw once that said ""So hold onto it baby, hold on until you're ready to let go"". I feel like this was such an amazing bit of advice... Only you can let go when you're ready, no one can make you and shaming you for it doesn't help. It's something where you recognize that you, yourself are choosing to do this again and again, you're choosing to hang onto this pain, I know that sounds stupid but that also brings in the major factor that that means YOU can let go. It doesn't end when they want, it's in your hands too. I know that seems like ""well I KNOW that"" but I think we tend to subconsciously forget this in these situations. I know exactly how you feel though. If you need someone to talk too, feel free to DM me. I'll be here ❤️",0.9074,positive,prepared 1043,depressed,Heartbroken like never before,speaker,3,"For me everytime we went back and fourth it hurt alittle less. Almost like i was expecting it to happen again. This last time ive pretty much given up hope that anything i can say to her will bring her back. It's hard to not message her, to not think about her, but i know if she will ever want us again it will be because of the distance, and not becuase of anything i have to say to her. Its sucks cuz she still messages me every once in a while and thats when it hurts most. I almost want to block her but i care about her too much to totally cut it off. It sucks knowing ill never find a girl like her but im starting to be ok with finding someone different..",-0.8212,negative,disappointed 1043,depressed,Heartbroken like never before,listener_2,4,Yeah I know how you feel. I said enough to my ex and nothing has changed. So all I can do now is let her be. She was a 10/10 in my eyes and it’s hard to look forward but if I keep dwelling on her and the past I’ll never truly ever be happy again. I haven’t blocked her either because I scared to close the door completely..,-0.4605,negative,lonely 1043,depressed,Heartbroken like never before,speaker,5,"Ya i know exactly how you feel man. I dont think ill block her until i meet someone new. I dont want this feeling to ruin a possible future relationship, and i know its just a huge waste of time sitting around hoping and waiting for her to come back. If it happens ill be ok with trying again, if it doesnt, ill be ok with moving on.. its really all we can do in life lol. Good luck with your situation, i definitely wish you best of luck",0.9712,positive,agreeing 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,speaker,1,"Today, Friday, was the first volunteer meeting to help low income people with their taxes. There were like 8 other volunteers there, and they all knew what to do. There weren't that many people that came in that needed assistance. I really didn't know what to do, so most of the 3 hours I was there I just sat in a little corner of the room doing my homework and stuff while everyone else was busy with clients or otherwise looking things over. I only got to help with one taxpayer but that return was super easy yet I still needed help from those who knew it all. So while they were busy helping others, I just decided to leave like 20 minutes early without even saying goodbye. I have a lot of social anxiety and have a hard time speaking to people, and when I do, my mind goes blank and I stutter a lot. Everyone else was talking to each other as though they were long time friends, and I felt completely isolated. I don't know anymore, this site opens every Friday for the next 2-3 months, but I was completely useless with horrible communication today. Still gonna go though, but don't know if I can continue to go through this feeling.",0.8646,positive,apprehensive 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,listener_1,2,Next time volunteer to help with something you know how to do. ,0.4019,positive,confident 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,speaker,3,Did you read the title? Really helpful advice you have there!,0.5244,positive,acknowledging 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,listener_1,4,"I did read your whole post. I’m also severely depressed and have been for a long time. And in that time I’ve learned that volunteering DOES NOT help you feel better unless it’s at something you are clearly good at because then everything goes smoothly and you can get into this seamless flow of helping the people who come to you. You’re posting in r/depressed so I assume you ARE depressed, and when you are, every little thing that goes wrong can really hit you very hard and make you feel worse. That’s why it’s advisable to avoid things like volunteering (because others depend on you and therefore emotionally it’s high stakes) unless it’s a skill you are strong in so you can have a positive experience despite your depression. Also if you are good at what you are helping with it will help with your social anxiety because even people with social anxiety have an easier time talking to others about a topic they are knowledgeable about.",0.8536,positive,agreeing 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,speaker,5,"If you were there, and not going on with what you read from my post, it was really bad. Should I continue? I want to, but I'm very anxious..",-0.6353,negative,apprehensive 1044,depressed,Volunteered for first time and was absolutely useless,listener_2,6,"I'm afraid that's something that you'll have to decide. The fact that you want to seems like you should. I do agree with sugabelly with volunteering not being something that has a high chance of making you feel better. Remember that everyone isn't suited for everything, so if this doesn't work out, it means nothing negatively on you. Since you know how it all went, describing it as ""really bad"". Why do you want to continue? I just want to make sure that it's for positive reasons, not a form of self destruction or such. Sugabelly makes the point of being well informed of the topic, could I ask if you are? I mean I would assume you are, since otherwise you're throwing yourself in the VERY deep end of both having social anxiety/depression and trying to help people with a topic you yourself hardly know. Something that's helped me (I've had social anxiety since I was a child but it's gotten a hell of a lot better, but still severely depressed since then but what can ya do?) is animals, I don't know if this is possible for you since I don't know you. But if you can, volunteering with animals could be an option? Since there's no conversation with cats or dogs. You could just talk at them, use them as practice kind of.",-0.7584,negative,apprehensive 1045,depressed,Feeling very lonely lately,speaker,1,In the last year or so I've lost my boyfriend of 2 years and my close friends and basically everything. I've been on my own since I was 19 and it's been a struggle. I hate it to be honest but I know it's shaping me into a strong women. I just am so lonely lately. I am making new friends at work since I moved not too long ago which is helping but I miss having best friends and a boyfriend to call mine and tell about my day and lift me up. My depression and thoughts have been eating away at me more than ever. It really leaves me feeling worthless and it's a struggle to keep going at this point. I know that it will hopefully all work out in the end and that I will get back on my feet but right now that seems far off and I feel so alone. I hate it. I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.,0.5146,positive,lonely 1045,depressed,Feeling very lonely lately,listener_1,2,I'm sorry for what you're going through. I'm dealing with similar things. Hope it works out for you.,0.3818,positive,sympathizing 1045,depressed,Feeling very lonely lately,speaker,3,Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish the same for you. Message me if you ever need to vent or anything!,0.8356,positive,wishing 1045,depressed,Feeling very lonely lately,speaker,4,"Yeah I actually used to have a Xbox but money is tight now. But I'll try that on my computer, I do miss gaming. Thanks for the suggestion! ",0.5916,positive,acknowledging 1045,depressed,Feeling very lonely lately,listener_2,5,Not a problem! If you need a friend on discord let me know. ,0.4678,positive,questioning 1046,depressed,Things are better I think,speaker,1,"I don't know if things are better or if I'm just in a grace period before I feel like I'm drowning in this world, not that I don't always feel like shit. Been a while since ive adamantly considered ending this miserable existence. I think its just cuz I'm more busy then i was before. Still wouldnt mind dying by fortune though.",-0.3094,negative,apprehensive 1046,depressed,Things are better I think,listener_1,2,"Being busy always distracts you from how you were feeling before, I try not to think about how I was before in case it happens again.",-0.2023,negative,nostalgic 1046,depressed,Things are better I think,speaker,3,But it's not like I feel any different ,-0.395,negative,neutral 1046,depressed,Things are better I think,speaker,4,That makes sense. Easier said then done.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 1047,depressed,Any advice,speaker,1,"So I'm 28, married, no kids, work two part time minimum wage jobs. My wife is very nearly done with her schooling and just that much closer to having the job she has been working so hard to obtain. I'm 5 years in my on again off again attempt to get an A.A. at the local community college but I'm such a pessimistic I always just feel like quitting. I don't even know what type of career I even want. I don't really have any talents and I'm not a very creative person. When I was younger and to this day I wanted to be in movies, I remember discussing this with a friend once who said I wouldn't be able to since I only see things in black and white. I agreed. When I started at the community college I was going to try to get a business degree to start my own comic book shop, but of course it is probably not wise to open a store that is getting harder to come by especially in a town that has only one used book store. And the books I would need to continue on with the classes I would need were too expensive. I'm also the type to start something and just stop before even finishing, books alot of times I'll start a book and get pretty far into it but then just stop for no real reason, same with video games. Or I'll get real into a subject and go deep with reading up and by things for it but then either days or a week maybe even a month or so I'll move onto something new. Before christmas it was guitars, I dont even know how to play, then it was books wanting to read more, Started 3 but they are just sitting there 2 of which are almost done. Now, since I'm in a legal state, it's marijuana and journaling which the journal has one entry made about a week ago now. I really don't know what I'm expect to hear here but sometimes it's nice to post these feelings. I feel maybe I have some sort of depression but mentioning it to my wife she says I don't..",0.4511,positive,hopeful 1047,depressed,Any advice,listener_1,2,"You sound like maybe you have a touch of depression, but you are mostly just drifting. I can tell you now that the marijuana won't help. Anyway, you may have something akin to AADD and you may need some medication to help balance it out. Consider talking to someone about it before it does get out of hand.",0.6556,positive,suggesting 1047,depressed,Any advice,speaker,3,Hmm your the second person to say I may have a touch of depression. And to say I may have some type of ADD. I believe in medical benefits of marijuana although I'm just doing it for not for self medication. I should find someone to talk to but without insurance or money it is kinda hard. I do get 10 free sessions at my community college maybe I should start there.,0.5775,positive,apprehensive 1047,depressed,Any advice,listener_1,4,I think it's a great idea. Start there and see what can be done. There are some anti-depression meds that can also help with balancing the ADD.,0.7783,positive,suggesting 1047,depressed,Any advice,speaker,5,Definitely look into as soon as I can,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1048,depressed,In Love with a married woman,speaker,1,"A while back, I fucked my life up. I'm not going to say how, but trust me, I fucked my life up in a way that I will be suffering the effects for years to come. But that isn't what this post is to be about. As the title above says, I am in love with a married woman and I am no longer sure there is any possibility of anything happening. Alright, so I work at a fairly large gas station as a cook. There is a lady that came to work at the station maybe six months ago. From the getgo, I knew she was married and I didn't even think about her. In fact, at the time, I was infatuated with someone else that had absolutely no interest in dating (but is like also the biggest video game geek like myself), but after things never went anywhere (I did ask that other girl now, but she declined), I was in a very bad place and had (casually?) thought about killing myself. I won't go all that far and say that I was seriously thinking about it, but the thoughts were there for the first real time in my life. That's when an exchange happened between the lady I am now in love with and I. She is a cashier and was starting her evening cleaning stuff and I was in the back, leaning on one of the prep stations, with those thoughts going through my mind. I am guessing it must have been obvious, as she asked if I was okay. Over the next twenty minutes or so, I ended up spilling out my life to her. Afterwards, she called me a friend and said that I could come to her to talk anytime. I am 38 years old and have never been in a serious relationship. I am painfully shy, though not as bad as I was when I was younger. I have been ""in love"" so many times in life that I am not sure I can count them all. Maybe I'd have to take off my shoes.... Anyway, I have trouble meeting people in general and am all kinds of awkward. When she called me a friend, I nearly cried. I really haven't had anyone (let alone a woman) call me a friend in ages. I have a few friends, but they are either in another state or they have their own life to live and can't hang out. To be called a friend was a shock to me I guess. I think my crush on her started officially that night. I think she may have also saved my life. Not long afterwards, she told me that she was getting a divorce. Her husband, to whom she had only been married to for six months at this point, had become a dick. He is easily more than 20 years older than her (she's 25). She said they didn't sleep in the same bed anymore. So, I think my crush grew as I started to think about her. I didn't mention yet that she also has two kids with this guy. One is three and the other is one. And at one point, I thought I would never see her again because the kids got seriously sick (there had been a really bad stomach bug going around here and they got it) and her husband had wanted her to stay home and take care of them. I had thought she was quitting permanently to do so. Her husband isn't poor (though not exactly rich either) so I thought that was what was happening, but she did come back. And then things got funny. We started to flirt. Little things here and there that began to drive me crazy. Remember, I am single and lonely and I wanted to know where this could be going. So, on New Year's Eve, I ended up asking her about us. Were they getting a divorce or not? Well, at that point, she didn't know. So I wanted to back off. I am a religious guy and I do believe in marriage. I am a rare person these days, I think. heh. Anyway, I was going to leave her alone. But I also had started to fall in love up to this point in the hope? that she was getting a divorce. Since then, I know that I have. She has said since then that she IS leaving the guy, but it hasn't happened yet. I started to message her things like how beautiful her smile is (which it IS) and even sent her a poem. When I sent her the poem, I knew then I that I was IN love with her. Then shit hit the fan. She recently had a miscarriage. She had been three months pregnant and didn't even know it. And then shortly there after, she got drunk and carved her forearm up in an attempt to commit suicide. Then tried again a few days later. I had even asked her out for Valentines day and she finally messaged me back saying she wouldn't be around to go out with me. That scared me. I mean, seriously scared me. I finally told her, over messaging, last night about that night I had told her about myself and my history and how she may have saved my life. I told her how much she meant to me because she had called me a friend. Even though it wasn't anything new, I told her how much I loved her. I don't know what to do from here. I hate the fact that I am in love with this woman, but she is an amazing woman whenever I am around her.",0.9673,positive,faithful 1048,depressed,In Love with a married woman,listener_1,2,Be there for her. She needs you more than ever. I doubt her current marriage would last much longer. ,-0.3612,negative,caring 1048,depressed,In Love with a married woman,speaker,3,Not here for relationship advice. I am here because the whole thing has me feeling like shit. I feel useless and am scared that I'll drift back into that mindframe that I was in several months ago.,-0.743,negative,lonely 1049,depressed,feeling lost,speaker,1,"this person is my whole world, they dont know how to act sometimes, but their actions just hurt me emotionally too much but i dont hate them i forgive and love them. i know the right thing to do is leave but leaving just feels impossible because i feel my life would fall apart without them. i only want them and its so hard to let go.i dont know if to stay and forgive and hope i dont get hurt again, or endure this suffering by leaving them.",0.8984,positive,trusting 1049,depressed,feeling lost,listener_1,2,"What you need to do is make a pro and con list of keeping this person in your life. Be honest, be thorough and be as practical as you can be. Take your time with it and maybe have a trusted friend read it over to help with your decision (maybe don’t include the name though, or pretend it’s someone else’s list and they asked for multiple opinions or something) and then try your best to come at this with a fresh perspective. Also remember it doesn’t need to be all or nothing. You can increase necessary distance, but still keep this person in your life, just slightly farther than where they are currently. Best of luck",0.9613,positive,suggesting 1049,depressed,feeling lost,speaker,3,thank you <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,speaker,1,I feel so weird right now.... Like I feel sad for no reason.... I just wanna cry and I really do not understand why,-0.7987,negative,sentimental 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,listener_1,2,yeah that has been happening to me more often ,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,speaker,3,I just feel sososo down and idk what to do😞,-0.5423,negative,lonely 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,listener_1,4,"i usually collect my thoughts if I can and I try to calm down, but if I can't, I just let it out and I feel somewhat better after",0.62,positive,neutral 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,speaker,5,Its just so confusing because I dont understand why im like this,0.0023,neutral,neutral 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,listener_1,6,"yeah, the brain can really mess with us, sometimes in front of people I would want to cry for no reason and its really tiring",-0.6801,negative,acknowledging 1050,depressed,I just feel so off,listener_2,7,How long have you felt this way?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1051,depressed,"Mono caused a relapse in depression, or something like that",speaker,1,"In the last couple months a bunch of other shit happened and I went into a sullen and depressive state. The brain fog, exhaustion, loneliness, and disinterest which were all part of my first bouts with depression are all back (I considered myself in remission before this). I just got bloodwork done and it turns out I have mono. A part of me is happy that I can give a name to it that isn’t depression, and that it will likely pass in a few weeks. The other part of me feels like shit and knows that staying in bed sick for a few weeks feeling week will only worsen the depression. Anyone else have Mono at any point? ",-0.9814,negative,sad 1051,depressed,"Mono caused a relapse in depression, or something like that",listener_1,2,"Back in the early 1980's, when I was in junior high, Mono was a popular sickness to have and I remember some girls possibly faking it to get attention. Also, the rumors about who had Mono or not were plentiful. Not saying you are faking anything. I just have not heard of that disease in like 35 years. Be well.",0.2023,positive,apprehensive 1051,depressed,"Mono caused a relapse in depression, or something like that",speaker,3,It showed up positive in my bloodwork. Wish I was faking it. ,0.5423,positive,surprised 1052,depressed,Wanna unironically kms,speaker,1,"Have no job in college had bad grades all throughout highschool and skipped a lot and made it a point to not skip here but then i started to when my grades started slipping again live with my ""gf"" of two years living off my student loan money so is she and she cheats on me. My few friends live far away from me and i feel so alone because im alone in my apartment all the time,dad hasn't said he was proud of me i cant even drive or get a job im a complete failure",-0.8236,negative,lonely 1052,depressed,Wanna unironically kms,listener_1,2,Do you have positive traits with which to build on?,0.5574,positive,questioning 1052,depressed,Wanna unironically kms,speaker,3,not that i can think of ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1053,depressed,I stole my best friends therapist,speaker,1,So my best friend and I have both struggled with the idea of seeing a therapist for years. This year we finally got her to see someone and she really liked the treatment so far. She suggested that I go so I made an appointment and the office staff set me up with the some therapist. I asked if it was ok with my friend seeing her and they said it should be fine. I forgot to run it by the therapist at my first session just being emotional. In the second session she put two and two together and figured out how close we were. I told her to move me because part of my friends issues are trusting others and communicating openly. If she got switched I was afraid she would stop going. My therapist asked if I was comfortable letting her choose who to keep so I said yes. Well my friend went back today and got dumped. She recommended her to another therapist in the same office but wants her to try emdr. I don't think she is going to go back. She said she will think about it. I stole her therapist and now u feel like trash.,0.9559,positive,trusting 1053,depressed,I stole my best friends therapist,listener_1,2,"I had a therapist who treated me, my sister, and my sister's son. Before she realised we were sisters she was already well aware that she was treating my sister and nephew. The fact that you and your friend were so close should not in any way have been a factor for your therapist in stopping treatment for one of you. She may have honestly felt she was not equipped to handle the extent of your friend's issues, especially if she was recommending a whole different method of treatment. Seriously she can't have dropped your friend just cuz you two know each other. That's a shit reason to drop a patient.",0.5423,positive,trusting 1053,depressed,I stole my best friends therapist,speaker,3,Yeah that's kind of what I've been thinking as the day went on. Having a couple other people say it makes it seem more clear. Thank you,0.7828,positive,agreeing 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,speaker,1,"Hey everybody.. I'm completely new to this. For a long time I knew something with me wasn't right, and it felt like each day,month, year that past I was slowly losing my grips with reality. I couldn't hold any interested, I'd feel depressed all the time and really have made a 180 in my life. So I decided to go to my GP to which they subscribed me Zoloft 50mg then Lorazepam 1mg to hold me off until the Zoloft kicks in. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So far I don't feel anything and I still feel extremely depressed and the lorazepam just knocks me out.. I'm a little worried that 50mg might be too low of a dose for me. It's only been 7 days of me taking them so far. What were your experiences? ",-0.949,negative,apprehensive 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,listener_1,2,Zoloft takes a few weeks minimum to work its way into the system. Almost 5 years later and I am still enjoying its benefits.,0.7184,positive,faithful 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,speaker,3,That's what I'm scared of. I don't wanna fall down a rabbit hole ,-0.4404,negative,terrified 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,listener_2,4,"The best way to avoid that is to keep track of your emotions. I suggest journaling honestly. And by that I mean, every night write down your actual honest feelings. Don’t show it to anyone, this is for you and you only, and let yourself write that way. Get it all out on to paper. Do this while you’re on the medicine and after a few weeks go back and read and see what the journal tells you. You’ll be able to notice the differences this way with that little bit of distance time can provide, and then you can tell if it’s actually helping or not. The rabbit hole is scary, but it’s also something you can come out of. I did. You just have to put your trust in something real. If that real thing is your own thoughts made manifest in a journal, than let that keep your grounded. If that real thing is a sibling, a friend, a significant other, let them keep you grounded, be considerate and don’t expect them to fix you, but let them be an anchor. To remind you what’s real. You can do this, and it does get better, and easier the longer you struggle. You just have to keep the struggle alive long enough for the meds to do their work. But you can do it. I believe in you.",0.9716,positive,sentimental 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,speaker,5,I've been having random moments of non stop crying. Idk.if I'm adjusting or what ,-0.6486,negative,sad 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,speaker,6,"Thank you so much.. for believing in me. I'm trying so hard to believe and so hard to know that it is possible to pass through this feeling. It does just feel like the world is swallowing me whole, and that is what is breaking me ",0.439,positive,faithful 1054,depressed,Zoloft experiences?,listener_2,7,"The world will spit you back out again. It has a way of doing that, and the only good news is that once you come out of it, you’re a stronger person for knowing your limits. Once you’ve seen how far down you can go, it makes it easier to handle the next upset. Keep struggling. It’ll be worth it someday.",0.5859,positive,neutral 1055,depressed,I want to die.,speaker,1,I feel so helpless. My life is over. I hate living. I want to die.,-0.9035,negative,devastated 1055,depressed,I want to die.,listener_1,2,"Just chill bro It’ll be okay. Everything will be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end. Just remember that. There are people in this world who care about you.",0.6553,positive,content 1055,depressed,I want to die.,listener_2,3,"Damn, when does it get better though. The shit hole goes deeper. ",-0.5267,negative,angry 1055,depressed,I want to die.,listener_3,4,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: United States: 1 (866)-488-7366 - Trevor Project 1 (866) 488 7386 - Addiction Hotline 844 228 2962- Eating Disorder Hotline 888 640 5174 - Depression Hotline National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialised support. (The older number, 1-800-SUICIDE, is no longer published by the lifeline agency and will probably stop working in the near future.) Online Chat: http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 Youth-Specific services (voice/text/chat/email) from the Boys' Town National Hotline: http://www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/ways-to-get-help.aspx Spanish: 1-800-SUICIDA EU Standard Emotional Support Number 116 123 - Free and available in much of Europe Australia: 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/Get-Help/Online-Services/crisis-chat Austria: 142, Youth 147 Online: http://www.onlineberatung-telefonseelsorge.at Belgium: Dutch: 1813 https://www.zelfmoord1813.be/ French: 0800 32 123 http://www.preventionsuicide.be/fr/lesuicide.html Brasil: 141 Canada: Canada-wide adult hotlines list Alternatively, 211 works in most of Canada, and they can advise regarding local resources. Nationwide Kids Help Line (Up to age 18): 1-800-668-6868 Deutschland: http://www.telefonseelsorge.de/ Tel: 0800-1110111 oder 0800-1110222 Chat: https://chat.telefonseelsorge.org/index.php Denmark: 70 20 12 01 www.livslinien.dk www.Skrivdet.dk Fiji: Lifeline Fiji: 132454 France: 01 45 39 40 00 Suicide Écoute - http://www.suicide-ecoute.fr/ Greece: 1018 or 801 801 99 99 Greece - http://www.suicide-help.gr/ Iceland: 1717 India: 91-44-2464005 0 022-27546669 Iran: 1480 6am to 9pm everyday Ireland: ROI - local rate: 1850 60 90 90 ROI - minicom: 1850 60 90 91 Israel: 1201 Italia: 800 86 00 22 Malta: 179 Japan: Tokyo - Japanese: 3 5286 9090 befrienders-jap.org Tokyo - English: 03-5774-0992 telljp.com Osaka - Japanese: 06-6260-4343 spc-osaka.org The above sites maintain links to related resources in other cities and other formats like chat and text. Korea: LifeLine 1588-9191 Suicide Prevention Hotline 1577-0199 http://www.lifeline.or.kr/ Mexico: (55) 5259-8121 (Daily, 0900-2100h) saptel.org.mx Netherlands: 0900 0113 https://www.113.nl New Zealand: 0800 543 354 Outside Auckland 09 5222 999 Inside Auckland Norway: Kirkens SOS offers phone support and chat: 22 40 00 40 and http://www.kirkens-sos.no/ Osterreich/Austria: 116 123 Portugal: SOS VOZ AMIGA: 21 354 45 45 or 91 280 26 69 or 96 352 46 60 (Daily, 1600-2400h) http://www.sosvozamiga.org/ Telefone da Amizade: 22 832 35 35 or 808 22 33 53 (Daily, 1600-2300h) http://www.telefone-amizade.pt/ Romania: 0800 801 200 Serbia: 0800 300 303 or 021 6623 393 Online chat:http://www.centarsrce.org/index.php/kontakt[2] South Africa: LifeLine 0861 322 322 Suicide Crisis Line 0800 567 567 Spain: http://www.telefonodelaesperanza.org/ Suomi/Finland: 010 195 202 available 9am-7am weekdays and 3pm-7am weekends 112, the regular emergency line, may be used at other times Sverige/Sweden: 020 22 00 60 Switzerland: 143 UK: Samaritans (www.samaritans.org) Voice: 116 123 (24/7 Free to call, will not appear on phone bills, formerly 08457 90 90 90) Text: 07725909090 Email: emailjo@samaritans.org Helplines for Men from thecalmzone.net: Voice: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm to midnight nationwide, also 0808 802 58 58 London and 0800 58 58 58 Merseyside) Text 07537 404717 (5pm to midnight, start your text with CALM2) Online Chat: https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/ ChildLine (childline.org.uk), for those 19 and under: Voice: 0800-11-11 (Free to call, does not appear on phone bills) Online Chat: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Chat/Pages/OnlineChat.aspx Email: http://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/Pages/Email.aspx Directory of suicide-related services: http://www.supportline.org.uk/problems/suicide.php Uruguay: Landlines 0800 84 83 (7pm to 11 pm) (FREE) 2400 84 83 (24/7) Cell phone lines 095 738 483 *8483 ",-0.1943,negative,caring 1056,depressed,End of The Road,speaker,1,"Where do I even start. I need someone to tell me things will be okay. Maybe not today, but eventually. Someone to tell me not to do something Id regret. Both of my parents are incredibly ill, both have limited days left. Recently dealt with both being in sep hospitals at the same time. It drained me. I was already drained. I had to cut my sister out of my life. Shes hurt me over and over and over and I cant take it anymore. I finally had to block her, ignore her, and I dont know if I can ever go back to having a relationship with her. My parents are stressed and hurting because of this. Im about to be laid off from a well paying job. I support my parents and help(ed) my sister from time to time. I no longer can help my parents. And I cant even take care of myself. My SO and I have been together for 7 years. And I feel this has ran its course. We're from different planets. And I feel like a fucking idiot its taken me this long to 'get that'. I was involved in a horrible MVA years ago. Broke double digit bones, almost died. Due to issues from that Ive been battling with painkillers to just be comfortable. Just to live feeling normal without pain every fucking day I wake up. I need to get off them and Im trying, by mentally its killing me. It makes me want to crash my car into a fucking ditch. And alas, in a few days will be the date the wreck happened. Thinking of my friend that didnt make it. We lived, he died. Why? Shouldnt I have been the one to die. Im sure if he was living right now he'd be better for this world than I. My entire life is in a freefall. And if the bottom doesn't hit soon, I cant tell you what will happen. Please tell me anything. Someone, anyone. Help me. ",-0.9948,negative,trusting 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_1,2,You can't control the death of your parents. Resolving the situation with your sister can wait. Drug dependence is fixable. You can get another job. Relationships end. How strong are your survival instincts?,0.8420000000000001,positive,questioning 1056,depressed,End of The Road,speaker,3,Pretty weak. I’ve survived through a lot. But never this many things at once. Never so severe in nature. It all seems insurmountable. ,-0.6294,negative,confident 1056,depressed,End of The Road,speaker,4,I don’t think drugs or taking anything above what i already am is going to help. I just see that pushing me further down a rabbit hole that I’m already having a hard time climbing out of. Fuck me,-0.29600000000000004,negative,apprehensive 1056,depressed,End of The Road,speaker,5,Thank you for taking the time to offer your thoughts. It’s appreciated. I’m working with my doctor to slowly decrease the amount of pain medication but this all comes during a bad time. It’s winter where I’m at the cold completely ravages my body; someone who doesn’t experience pain may not understand it’s an added burden on top of an already bad injury. I just started a plan to ween down and it’s not going so swell. Yet another stressor to be dealt with. It would seem with work and my parents situation combined with the other 4 or 5 issues there’s no light at the end of the tunnel. These problems seem so insurmountable that I’m dealing with anxiety and depression which is preventing a clear state of mind. I have no idea what to do from here. And yet that’s why it seems sleeping forever is the easy solution. I don’t even want to get out of bed let alone deal with any of it. Maybe I’m just weak. ,-0.9885,negative,grateful 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_2,6,"You are not weak. I will say that again, **YOU ARE NOT WEAK**. First of all, I will make an assumption that the pain killers you reference are opioids. My assumption is based on the fact that they are heavily addictive and commonly prescribed (over prescribed in many cases) for pain. Opioids change your brain chemistry - this is why users experience withdrawal. This is why users need help to end their dependence on these drugs. This is not due to your weakness. I am a believer in science and if you have the patience to read some studies, I would recommend starting with this [one](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2851054/). At least the abstract and section after that, maybe skim further if you find it at helpful. My hope in pointing you to this is so that you can get an understanding that studies have shown that addiction is not a weakness of will. I have not experienced this addiction first hand, but I know people who have. However, I have experienced depression, and I do know how hard it can be to see any light... any end to the darkness. You do have problems that you need to deal with and it might seem easier to just let everything happen to you, but that will not get you to a solution. The worst part is that the right thing to do, what is good for you, is not always the easiest thing to do and not always what makes you feel good right now. To that point, you should balance doing what makes you feel better and what you know is right. Is there someone you trust that can talk to, that can help you see more clearly? Or that would be willing to help make a list of what you think you need to do and break it down into smaller actionable tasks? I know depression and anxiety isn't ADHD (but I struggle with all three). Having what I refer to as a responsibili-buddy (I'm insufferable, I know) helps keep me on track. Also, most of the time, just talking to that friend, family member, or coworker, is enough for me to realize what my next step is and that I need to do it. But I need to talk it out to get to that point. If you couldn't tell I kind of have to do that for everything. You will make mistakes along the way. When that happens, remember to forgive yourself. One last time. You are **not** weak. Depression sucks. It makes the world seem upside down and unmanageable. Addiction and pain are assholes. But you are working with your doctor. You are asking for help. You are talking about it and reaching out. You are doing the **right** thing. I want you to succeed, but this is a long haul fight. You might get discouraged, but stick it out. ",0.9378,positive,trusting 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_1,7,"What do you have to surmount? I would be most concerned with employment and income generation; when not working, other issues are prioritized...or not. Are your parents going to resent you for not visiting them as they get closer to death? Even so, if you are taking care of your finances, they should be less worried about one of their children.",-0.5672,negative,questioning 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_3,8,DMT is different. It will enable you to solve *any* problem. It's like that drug from Limitless (Bradley Cooper movie) times a million plus aliens. It's already in your brain in tiny amounts. Trees produce it and you can extract it from legally obtainable root bark.,0.25,positive,hopeful 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_1,9,"Ok, DMT is likely different for everyone. It also does not magically shape the universe in a person's favor. Your comments will stay up, but depressive symptoms should be addressed by good ol' fashioned action through lifestyle adjustment and thought moderation before alternative treatments. I think T. McKenna and folks like him have cool ideas, and I know people are transformed by DMT and such (hopefully with a competent road guide).",0.9325,positive,agreeing 1056,depressed,End of The Road,listener_3,10,"Actually, there's a study conducted by Rick Strassman that indicates people all see very similar things on it.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1057,depressed,I hate everyone that has talent,speaker,1,"I just hate everyone. It's not fucking funny. But one of the things in this worthless, decrepit existence you all call life is people having talent. Everybody has a talent. Everybody's good at something. But me? I'm not good anything. I've written stories and posted them on this pathetic website and all I got were FUCKING downvotes. Hell, I even written a mafia story a few weeks ago and I failed miserably. And I already got started on writing part 2. I was gonna make a series on the same mafia story that I posted but I canceled it because of the hate I got! So I gave up. I gave up on writing. ON EVERYTHING! Why am I even here! WHY AM I EVEN HERE!!? WHY AREN'T I DEAD ALREADY! I SHOULD BE DEAD! There's no point to life no matter what you do. And it's scientifically proven. No matter what you do you'll always fall down. And if anybody's reading this, FUCK OFF!",-0.9933,negative,jealous 1057,depressed,I hate everyone that has talent,listener_1,2,I feel the same way. It’s as if God wanted us to be a doormat for the achievements of others. Like our purpose is to be shitty at things in order to make others better. It just ain’t fucking fair. ,0.6697,positive,jealous 1057,depressed,I hate everyone that has talent,listener_2,3,"Why not try something other than writing? I enjoyed writing in high school too, got decent grades on my stories but nothing to get excited over and the personal stories I would write were definitely cringe worthy. I have about 4 composition books filled with a series. Terrible. I will enjoy doing it for my own enjoyment but it's definitely not my ""skill"". I actually don't even know what I'm good at, I just do a bunch of different shiy cause I enjoy it, good or bad. I love video games and I'm still not even that good at that, but I love it. Talent in something may be natural yes and since people may have a talent for picking just about anything up very quickly. But people who have a natural talent in one thing can fail horribly at something else. Even people with natural talent can fail again and again until they fully learn the extent of what they can do. Like I said, writing may just not be for you. Write for yourself if it's something you really enjoy but try other things too, you may find something else that you're better at that you really like.",0.9963,positive,ashamed 1057,depressed,I hate everyone that has talent,listener_3,4,"I won't try to convince you there isn't such thing as 'natural talent', a cursory search shows that scientists that have studied this are split. (Goddamn scientists, I need firm answers.) I hope you find a way to overcome your lack of natural talent. Unless your last line meant you want to give up and move on... if so, good luck - maybe you'll discover you are talented in a different area that you enjoy. ",0.9587,positive,consoling 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,speaker,1,ive been crying since last night cause I'm so alone and on my period,-0.6924,negative,lonely 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,listener_1,2,Think on the positive candy will be on sale tomorrow. :),0.765,positive,hopeful 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,speaker,3,yes I have a million pets,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,listener_2,4,Then are you really alone? Animals are better than a majority of people to be honest.,0.6003,positive,lonely 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,speaker,5,yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,listener_3,6,"What do you mean by ""murder""?",-0.6908,negative,questioning 1058,depressed,I got nothing 4 valentines day,listener_4,7,Its in the song... and I removed it. doesn't belong.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1059,depressed,Some difficult times ahead,speaker,1,"I was born and raised in a muslim family. I am not religious myself, but my muslim parents can't know that because in islam apostacy is a horibble crime punishable by death. On top of that I am gay and my parents are expecting me to get married to a girl as soon as I graduate. I have no idea how I am going to have to deal with that, but those are worries for later. I was raised to believe that being gay is disgusting and that gays are dirty people. That's now how I feel about myself. That I am dirty and disgusting. Every time I do something with a guy I feel disgusted afterwards. I can't imagine myself being happy with a guy. Moreover I completly suck at life. My studies are going horibble, I am failing one class after the other, barely have any friends, have sleep issues and as you could imagine lots of family issues. I don't think there is anyone who would truly miss me if I died. The only thing that made me happy was my cat but she died a few weeks ago. I just feel so trapped and perhaps I am not meant to be happy. I feel like death is the only thing that can set me free. I have already looked up ways to kill myself and helium suffocation doesn't seem that bad. Anyway thanks for reading. I appreciate you took the time to read through my pathetic tekst.",-0.9932,negative,faithful 1059,depressed,Some difficult times ahead,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry to read your troubles, current and upcoming. I have no feasible suggestions because I'm out of my depth, but know you'll have the support of a lot of your peers. And random internet strangers. People will always have your back. Have you tried looking for a support group for people with your specific problem? I was raised in an anti-anything-outside-the-status-quo family. My brother then came out as gay, attitudes changed and there's not one person (that I know of) who has a problem with it. I can't say for your family and I don't want to give you false hope of sorts, but love prevails over hate. Even if it's not within your family, love will make all of this worth it.",0.897,positive,trusting 1059,depressed,Some difficult times ahead,speaker,3,"Fortunatly I do live in a western country, so I wouldn't be punished.",0.35700000000000004,positive,grateful 1060,depressed,"17 now, still in the same home, but doing a lot better. It can get better, if you force it to.",speaker,1,"https://www.reddit.com/r/depressed/comments/6rirfl/16_formerly_homeless_bounced_around_since/ This was a post I made a while back.. Since then, nothing has changed about my life, except that I've learned to love the person I am with and have been with for a year now. Sure, I still have really bad nights, and feel terrible a lot of the time, but I am quite literally FORCING myself to do things. FORCING myself to ignore the sad feelings, and sometimes, for a short time, it actually feels like they aren't there. Please, don't kill yourself, there is always a chance things could change, do you really want to miss that? ",0.1056,positive,content 1060,depressed,"17 now, still in the same home, but doing a lot better. It can get better, if you force it to.",listener_1,2,Thanks for updating; I wish more posters would do the same.,0.6808,positive,wishing 1060,depressed,"17 now, still in the same home, but doing a lot better. It can get better, if you force it to.",speaker,3,Thank you.. It means a lot actually,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1060,depressed,"17 now, still in the same home, but doing a lot better. It can get better, if you force it to.",listener_2,4,What are you doing at the moment? Work? School? Curious just for the sake of it to know how you're doing. I may not be able to do much but at least throw some good quotes and music at you.,0.7219,positive,questioning 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,speaker,1,"Hi all, I’m not sure what to do, but I wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience to mine. I increased my dosage to Zoloft on January 15th and still feel so tired all the time... I usually get 6-7 hours of sleep but even if I get 8 hours or more I still feel exhausted during the day. And no matter what I do I can’t reach orgasm. It’s really interfering with my life as a student and I’m not sure what to do anymore. Does anyone have any tips on how to overcome these side effects? or how long it took them to get over them? Or should I ask to switch my medication?",-0.8789,negative,apprehensive 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,listener_1,2,maybe try Citalopram?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,speaker,3,Did that work for you? I am thinking of asking to change medication. It’s so frustrating how it’s basically a blind guess as to what will work for you.,-0.7537,negative,questioning 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,listener_1,4,I've been on 10mg a day for 14-15 days. It has worked really well for me. BUT. I've had some weird side effects... but more or less will make you feel really giddy when small good things happen. ,0.2862,positive,joyful 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,speaker,5,"That sounds really promising. I will definitely talk to my psychiatrist about it, thank you!",0.8169,positive,agreeing 1061,depressed,Side effects to Zoloft,listener_1,6,"I've defo not felt any of the side effects you have had anyways, if anything the oppisite. g-luck hope it helps.",0.6705,positive,consoling 1062,depressed,does anyone else get the feeling...,speaker,1,when you just ache on the inside like something's missing but you don't know what. and all you can do is smile through it because...what else is there,0.3818,positive,neutral 1062,depressed,does anyone else get the feeling...,listener_1,2,I understand what it's like.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 1062,depressed,does anyone else get the feeling...,speaker,3,"i understand completely :( i hope you find what you're looking for , I'm sure you deserve it :)",0.6452,positive,agreeing 1062,depressed,does anyone else get the feeling...,listener_2,4,Thanks. I hope we both find what we are missing :) ,0.765,positive,consoling 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,speaker,1,yeah im there ,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,listener_1,2,"Yes. Sometimes I scream, too.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,speaker,3,yeah i feel that on a personal level; might of been a time where i would of done it too.,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,speaker,4,word,0.0,neutral,angry 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,speaker,5,depressingly destructive love it lol ,-0.0772,negative,annoyed 1063,depressed,you ever just feel like screaming,listener_2,6,Hey everyone needs a way to show they get angry. I got told too often o was too nice. Now as a result I break things to show people I'm pissed enough. Bad response grant it since no of fixes shit but me. ,-0.7391,negative,angry 1064,depressed,"Need help, please.",speaker,1,"Hey, new here. Really need a venting place, sorry for my negativity. I'm a 26 years old male and I have no friends or a girlfriend and got fired once more at my last job, so now I'm also jobless -again. Since the age of 12 I had close to zero enjoyment in life, being 26 years old of age now and nothing has changed, in fact I feel everything is worse because of my age. I'd like to have friends that initiate and call/text me to hang out, currently I only have ""3 friends"", I can talk to them, maybe hang out but that's it....They never initiate the first step to talk or to hang out with me. With the women I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I always considered myself above average looking but guess I'm wrong. I'm going to the gym for 3 years now and 5 days per week and have done multiple steroid cycles to increase my chance with the ladies but haven't had a date with a woman in 7 years. I use dating apps and only trans women or men are interested in me (I don't mind the trans women, I find some attractive and I consider myself straight) Why do I have no friends? Why do I repulse women? Why can't I fit into a company? What am I doing all wrong? Can someone please help me, I feel so alone in this world and no is taking me seriously. I am crying myself to sleep as I'm typing this :(.....",-0.9633,negative,lonely 1064,depressed,"Need help, please.",listener_1,2,"Hi there. I'm sorry you're feeling awful and alone. You're not, though. This subreddit can be kind of quiet sometimes but there's always someone here listening. You may also want to interact throughout the rest of Reddit if you find other topics that interest you, sometimes you can form connections with people here (: it's not in person but it's still something. Maybe not necessarily romantic, but again, some kind of a connection. Even just to talk. But we understand, many of us feel the same. Some struggle with dating, some don't, some have jobs, some don't... We all still seem to have depression and feeling alone, in common. ",-0.5085,negative,sympathizing 1064,depressed,"Need help, please.",listener_2,3,Just don't come to Colorado...,0.0,neutral,questioning 1065,depressed,Feeling down,speaker,1,"Hey guys, I’m feeling really shitty... I just got into an argument with my wife which is a huge trigger and I’m just trying to hang on right now. I’ve been through inpatient and outpatient therapy and I had been doing really well for about a year but I feel like trash today. I just wanted to tell someone. I’m just crying in a movie theatre by myself right now lol. Trying to watch black panther to get my mind if it",0.29600000000000004,positive,sad 1065,depressed,Feeling down,listener_1,2,"H. I'm sorry you're feeling like shit. If you need someone to talk too or just to vent, feel free to message me. I'll be here, even just to listen. Hope things get better soon",0.802,positive,sympathizing 1065,depressed,Feeling down,speaker,3,"Thanks, I really appreciate that. I don’t really have much to say other than it’s getting worse. Like I said I haven’t felt this bad for about a year... I thought I was getting better. But today... right now... I just wish my life would end... I know that sounds melodramatic but that’s how I’m feeling right now. I would welcome someone shooting me or putting me out of my misery somehow",0.6467,positive,sad 1065,depressed,Feeling down,listener_1,4,"That's ok though, sometimes it happens. Sometimes the stability breaks, especially if it's triggered by something like arguing with your spouse. Give yourself a bit of time to ride it out, feel bad if you need too, don't push or pressure yourself. Acknowledge that you don't feel ok and try to figure out why and go from there. If you're really feeling heavy and dark, try to get a support system going with someone or friends to help you. It's ok to feel bad though ❤️ it happens ",0.6361,positive,consoling 1065,depressed,Feeling down,speaker,5,"Lol, it wasn’t bad. I liked it. It definitely didn’t live up to the hype ",0.5859,positive,neutral 1065,depressed,Feeling down,speaker,6,Honestly I was able to gather myself and I feel much better today. Thanks :),0.8957,positive,grateful 1065,depressed,Feeling down,listener_2,7,Great. I'm glad to hear this. :) ,0.8909999999999999,positive,acknowledging 1066,depressed,Feeling less depressed but more suicidal,speaker,1,"I’m not sure what’s going on with me. It’s almost as if there is something in the weather or the way the light is in a room that makes me feel like this is it. I’m tired of feeling so alone. I’m tired of feeling such overwhelming sadness and such destruction of my soul in the wake of depression. My mood is a little better. But I still want to die. It’s even more inviting now that the immense lethargy and lowness of depression are lifting. I don’t know what to do, other than to give it a try.",-0.9663,negative,lonely 1066,depressed,Feeling less depressed but more suicidal,listener_1,2,Please visit this site... https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/,0.3182,positive,terrified 1066,depressed,Feeling less depressed but more suicidal,speaker,3,The things going on in the world. Being alone. Not sleeping. I feel so messy inside.,-0.6418,negative,lonely 1066,depressed,Feeling less depressed but more suicidal,listener_2,4,Not a root of anything tho. You need to be more specific about the trama. If you want you can pm me. Or we can keep it here. ,0.0772,positive,neutral 1067,depressed,Depressed house,speaker,1,Do any of you live in a home with other people who are depressed? How does this effect you? How can you improve the mood? Any ideas are welcome as I’m about to go crazy. ,0.1877,positive,questioning 1067,depressed,Depressed house,listener_1,2,Sometimes you gotta ride it out. Do you have depression as well or just the other person/people?,-0.3818,negative,questioning 1067,depressed,Depressed house,speaker,3,Yeah. I struggle and am on medication. I’m 33 and living at home because of my depression but my home is a place of depression. Mom stays on the couch the whole weekend and the house is trashed. I struggle to find the energy to get out of bed to clean. My room is messy because I moved recently but it’s frustrating to be in the house. ,-0.9062,negative,annoyed 1067,depressed,Depressed house,listener_1,4,"All I can say is take care of yourself. Try to find a way to move to a more positive environment. Does your mom see someone for her depression? If not, try to encourage her to get help. There are support groups that can help you and her as well.",0.8717,positive,questioning 1067,depressed,Depressed house,speaker,5,Thanks for the positive words. I needed them today for sure. She doesn’t see anyone about it. ,0.8316,positive,grateful 1067,depressed,Depressed house,listener_1,6,"Sorry to hear that. My family members all have problems to a certain degree, and it was hard when I lived with them. ",-0.3182,negative,sympathizing 1068,depressed,I just got dumped,speaker,1,My girlfriend just dumped me after nearly five months dating. I have honest feelings for her and this shit hurts. She was the sweetest girl I knew. This will add nicely to my already recurrent anxiety issues. Just wanted to share.,-0.5187,negative,sad 1068,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_1,2,"Sorry buddy. I know it hurts now, but it could hurt worse. If she didn't like you, good thing she did this early instead of building ever more memories with you to make things remind you of her. It will be ok. ",-0.9495,negative,sympathizing 1068,depressed,I just got dumped,speaker,3,"Yes, you are right. I appreciate that. Thanks.",0.8074,positive,agreeing 1069,depressed,Feel like a failure after so much progress,speaker,1,"So I am in recovery and newly divorced. I’ve been working hard at a new job and just found out that I’m not in line for a permanent position. I’ve worked so hard to maintain my psych meds so that I don’t self medicate as that leads to me being addicted and have proven myself at work to be a hard worker and exemplary employee and even though my immediate bosses have given me glowing recommendations I found out I’m wasn’t selected for the interview process. I had interviewed for a semi permanent position and beat out all the other candidates with flying colors but there is a hiring freeze for that one. I was previously told I could have a semi permanent position a few months before that and that one was put on hold... so here I am , toiling away and now I can’t even interview for the next one. I feel like a failure and anything I touch turns to shit.. I feel my mind going back to the dark hole it was in 2 years ago when I went to rehab for trying to commit suicide. Why is my brain so fragile that even the slightest set back turns me back down the self loathing rabbit hole.... I think I need new meds",-0.9592,negative,devastated 1069,depressed,Feel like a failure after so much progress,listener_1,2,"Please don't get so down on yourself. One....you are staying sober, so that is good. You still have the job for now, but I would definitely start applying fornew positions before this one is over, just in case nothing can be worked out. Is there a support group you can attend for your depression issues? That could help as well. ",0.8745,positive,questioning 1069,depressed,Feel like a failure after so much progress,speaker,3,"Thanks, I am greatful that I am still sober ( 2-1/2 years now) and I am definitely still putting in my application as new positions pop up.. I’m just gutted I didn’t make the list and it makes my anxiety run thru the roof.. so many what ifs... what if they decide to let go of the contracted people such as me. I’ve worked so hard to prove myself.. but ur right I still have a job .. and should be happy I do... I think Ill start looking into some kind of support group. Thank you for taking the time to reply.. much appreciated!!",0.9409,positive,devastated 1069,depressed,Feel like a failure after so much progress,listener_1,4,"Not a problem. I know how hard it is. I have lots of anxiety and substance issues myself. I recently relapsed, but I am back on the path.",0.0204,neutral,agreeing 1069,depressed,Feel like a failure after so much progress,speaker,5,It took a lot of relapses for me to hit rock bottom ( trying to commit suicide) and I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired.. I went to a 30 day inpatient and then stayed in a halfway house for a few months. Had to jump back into reality when my parents retired because my mom was taking care of my son and they were moving . Sorry not tryna bore you. Sobriety can happen. I don’t do NA/AA meetings . I believe I switched my addiction to being a workaholic which is why I am taking this setback so hard... stupid addictive personality I guess... ,-0.9486,negative,sad 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",speaker,1,"So my gf and I of 7 years broke up last year. At first it hit me hard but now I don't even think twice about it or her. It was definitely for the best. I moved back in with my parents. First thing I did was go on dating apps. One of my matches materialized to 5 dates. We had sex twice. But then she broke it off. It was probably because she was a mother of 2, she was a 32yr old lawyer and I 29 and broke with no job, no car and living with my parents. I Started a new career in sales as a health/life insurance agent. I somewhat enjoy this job but I've had this job since January 8th and have only made $120. I have a part time job on the weekends because it's my only source of income. It earns me about $120-$130 a week lol. It basically pays for my gas and that's it. I've worked 7 days a week straight for a month and a half. I ended up matching with a girl and meeting her for a drink. We had a decent time until she went trough my phone and wanted to see how many girls I was talking to on the dating apps. She kissed me at the end of the date but I knew I wouldn't go on another date with her. I matched with another girl who was very pretty with no makeup. We barely messaged each other on the app and to be honest I was about to not even pursue it but she suggested we meet so I was like what's the worst that can happen? She realized she's out of my league and doesn't go on another date?. So we met at chilis and talked for like 3 hours. She was absolutely gorgeous. The most beautiful girl I had ever talked to let alone had a date with. I honestly didn't think the date went well but I messaged her after that I had fun and if she wanted to, I'd be down to hangout again. She agreed. So I knew I had to step it up. I took her to play laser tag the following week and we had a blast. Still didn't make a move. Then we hung out the following weekend on super bowl Sunday and had a great time and I kissed her. Things were going great, I was finally experiencing happiness. I was more upbeat and friendly. I was doing better at work. We were texting everyday from that point and I mentioned we should have a baking date and get snowed in together. Well it worked and I slept at her house. Everything went great, we cuddled on her couch watching movies and making out. I never tried to have sex with her because I really liked her and I didn't want her to think I was moving fast. We woke up in the morning and she made me oatmeal then we both left for work and we kissed at her car and then she pulled me in for another kiss. Later that night she called me to tell me not to think she's avoiding me. I asked her if she wanted to cook dinner on Valentine's Day and go to the movies because we discussed it when I slept over. She said she made plans with her friends for Valentine's Day but the weekend after would work. From that point on for like 5 days she avoided me. I would text her and she'd not reply for hours. I texted her the day after Valentine's Day to see if tomorrow(Friday) would work for her and she didn't answer til late. She said sorry but she's overwhelmed and still unsure about moving forward with me. I wished her the best and listed a bunch of reasons as to why she might be unsure about moving forward with me because as far as I knew, our night together went great and we left on great terms. But apparently not. She finally texted me back saying the reason is because we were moving too fast, she's overwhelmed, been single for a long time, had another connection with someone. I wished her the best and should've left it at that. My mind wonders all the time because I hate my life as of recently. I work everyday and make literally $120 a week. I feel lonely all the time, I have no urge to hangout with friends or be social. The only thing I look forward to throughout the day is going to the gym and working out. So my mind wonders all the time and it was driving me nuts because I really liked this girl and I was finally experiencing joy in my life and this girl was so stunning. I just couldn't believe that I had made out with her and slept in the same bed and been so nice and respectful and played it so cool but then tells me she's unsure about moving forward??? So I started to become obsessive which is what I do. My mind is very weak and emotional when it comes to females. I texted her the weekend we were supposed to hangout which was like 2 days after she told me she had another connection and isn't sure about moving forward. I texted her along the lines of ""I'm not sure if you're still deciding what/who you want but if you change your mind and want to cook the dinner we planned, tonight would be a perfect night because we would get snowed in again"" Her reply was short and said ""I wasn't completely comfortable with the first snowed in situation and I don't think at this time it would be appropriate, I'm sorry"" It bothers me because I feel like she's making this shit up. She definitely didn't seem uncomfortable considering we made out the whole time, she was kissing my neck and she slept in her bra when we went to bed. Not to mention she kissed me in the morning and then pulled me in for another kiss before we left for work. I hate this about myself and I'm trying to change it but it's so damn hard. I keep digging and wanting to knew more and pick at the scab so to speak and I asked her to call me because I'm still confused. She said she wouldn't call me. She also said I'm not understanding her because she told me she was uncomfortable and yet I'm asking for another snowed in date. She got mad at me because she told me the night I slept over that she needs to leave for work at 6:30am and I guess I overslept. She has a Great Dane which slept in the bed with us so it was hard to get sleep. She woke me up and I jumped outa bed and got dressed in like 2 minutes. She cooked me oatmeal which made me feel like I wasn't rushed. Then we kissed and left for work. After I kept digging for reasons why she just suddenly changed her mind about us she mentioned that her house is her own personal space and she's not comfortable having people over and I keep trying to invade it... she said she needed to leave for work at 6:30 and I was still sleeping at that time. She said this is her career and it was not cool of me. Needless to say, I felt like shit when I read this and my heart was pounding. I apologized a bunch and told her I'd leave her be. So basically I went from being happy and excited because I thought I was gonna be dating this gorgeous chick to her blowing me off after what I believe is leading me on. And this is going to sound very bad and a poor reflection of me but it's eating me alive because my friends keep making fun of me saying ""I fucked up and she probably wanted to have sex with me and since I didn't make a move she was pissed and disappointed and now she's fucking some other dude and you'll never get to fuck her."" That's literally all I think about now, I mean they're probably right. I'll never get another girl nearly as beautiful as her. And maybe she really did want me to make a move and try and get in her pants. I just thought it would make a bigger statement if I wasn't that guy. I thought it worked when she kissed me in the morning. But anyways, it keeps eating away at me that I really blew this opportunity and even if we did have sex that night and she blew me off. At least I would've had the one time with her and now it's gone. And I've annoyed her to the point where she went from feeling like shit about ending it to me feeling like shit and her being annoyed at me. Does anyone know of any good techniques or strategies to strengthen the mind so that when I know I shouldn't do something like -send texts and dig for answers when I've left on a good note and by digging deeper I know that no good will come from it-? Also any advice on getting out of this funk would help. I literally can't get this girl off my mind and I know how stupid that sounds because we barely knew each other and it seems like I only have her stuck in my mind because she was the hottest girl I ever kissed. But I really did like her and appreciate her.",0.9996,positive,devastated 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",listener_1,2,Are you working commission or just part time at the insurance place? What exactly did you like about her? How are things going now?,0.466,positive,questioning 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",speaker,3,"It's 100% commission. It's full time. I work 11 hour days Monday and Thursday and Tuesday/Wednesday/Friday I'm the field going on appts which is usually shorter days but still about 8 hours each day. She was funny, easy to talk to, successful, smart, and beyond gorgeous. I get that we didn't really know each other well because we only went on a handful of dates. But the fact that the last time we saw each other everything seemed perfect and then we made plans to see each other again and now she just went cold and ended it. It just doesn't make sense... either way, I ruined any chances of her reaching back out to me because I kept digging for more information from her and she got annoyed at me:/",0.9808,positive,impressed 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",listener_1,4,"Sorry it took so long to respond! Overall, it sounds like she's either kind of using you for affection; or, she is really bad at asserting herself and just lets herself go with flow of what will make other people happy, even if it's not entirely what she wants. Maybe she's a people pleaser or maybe she feels like her beauty is the only thing going for her and doesn't want to seem snobby by saying what she wants pointedly. I don't know... Sorry I don't have better advice! Are things better? ",0.9167,positive,sympathizing 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",speaker,5,"No that wasn't it, she kept using we were moving too fast as an excuse. But she also said she has another connection. She was just using me as a fallback guy. She probably did want me to make a move but either way it wasn't progressing past that night. I just don't get why she led me on. I mean why kiss me multiple times in the morning if you're gonna cut me out of the picture??",0.3421,positive,neutral 1070,depressed,"Broke and student loans are in default, keep getting rejected from girls",listener_2,6,Because you didn't make a move. And you're putting too much attention to the fact that she kissed you. For her it might have not been such a big deal.,0.3818,positive,neutral 1071,depressed,I've lost motivation,speaker,1,"My girlfriend of 3 years dumped me saying it was because she had too much stress in her life due to problems with her family and economically. She said specifically, I don't want to date or have a relationship now. But she said she'd keep talking to me and that she still cares about me. And I respect that. But here's the thing. She posts pictures saying ""I need a date urgently"" while wearing exotic dresses and she followed and started talking with a guy she cheated on me with a year ago and I forgave her because she was completely honest about it, instantly regretted it and even told the person how it was a mistake (it was a few nudes because she was sad, i was busy and the guy called her and talked her into it but she stopped early on and said it was a mistake). This relationship doesn't have any flaws other than that cheating, we never argue or treat each other badly. We always have fun with each other and learn from each other on how to treat ourselves better. And I try to talk to her about how these things she is doing are hurting me and causing me a horrible depression. But she just answers back saying ""I can't handle this, i have too much stress and I don't have energy cause I've been really anxious and depressed"". This girl isn't a bad person, she is genuienly honest and tells me things how they are and why. And is very caring and isn't the type of person to hold an affair or lie. She couldn't even hold it in that she cheated for more than a day before bursting into agony and telling me. I want to give ger time and space, while still being her friend. Because she is a big part of my life and even gives me motivation to study and get good grades in college and have a good future. But her actions (posting the pics, following the guy she sent the pics with, and her ex crushes and ignores me when I tell her that kinda sucks and hurts). I'm constantly having panic attacks, nightmares when I get to sleep, and sessions of no sleep thinking about this. She is so integrated into my life that I can't even think of consider not having her in my life. She's essentially my best friend and the only person I can talk to about my good or bad day. My friendships are superficial and small. The biggest intimate bond I have with anyone is with this girl. I don't know what to do. She is such a big part of my daily life and motivation. I've tried countless of times to call her and talk to her about how it affects me, but she just ignores me since she has too much to deal with (her parents moved far away and ditched her grandfather with debts and he is begging for her help, etc). But man, what does that have to do with talking with the guy who she sent the pics to (who I may add also threatened to kill me when I called him out). Am I being too clingy? I don't understand what is wrong. I honestly don't have any more will to live. I've been drowning my agony procrastinating by staying in bed for hours and ignoring completely tests and projects, whom I pay with student loans. ",-0.9895,negative,trusting 1071,depressed,I've lost motivation,listener_1,2,"Honestly this sounds like the girl I'm seeing right now. We've been friends since high school and hooked up off and on throughout college but never anything serious. here we are almost 10 years since we met and we're trying long distance but I think I am about to break it off purely from reasons you've stated. She's cheated and I feel like I am the one that is always putting in all the effort. She is always the ""busy one"". I don't have specific advice for you man but after visiting her over the weekend I have finally reached the point where it just isn't worth it. We talk all day every day and it's going to be hard, but the anxiety of her not responding or her going out with her friends is now outweighing the positives. It always seems like I am her last priority so now I am just fed up with it. I think you need to realize you could find somebody better and that will pay more attention to you because I doubt you're being that clingy. On the other hand you could give her space for a couple weeks and see what happens, but I really just dont see a future with the girl I'm seeing because of these problems, and your situation sounds similar. Who knows maybe we'll both realize we can't be without each other, but right now I am always last priority and I have to initiate every text, date, etc. and I'm tired of it. I've dated a girl similar to this before and their personality was just the grass is greener on the other side and was never satisfied, always being flaky and never committing. ",0.7545,positive,jealous 1071,depressed,I've lost motivation,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for commenting and sharing your own personal experience. I appreciate it so much. I wish I could even think of ending this relationship just as you have. But it seems so far and hard. She is integrated into my family and life. So many pictures, gifts, including clothing, and collectibles. Everywhere I look in my room, everyone I talk to she is always a topic there (to friends, family and acquaintances). I know the right thing for me is to cut this off. But It's not what I want. And that's what makes this even worse. I really hope this entire situation gets settled between me and her and she finally decides to tell me how she feels (doesn't matter if good or bad, i just want to hear it from her). Or that I find it in me to break it off. But man have I been going through hell already, that would be so much worse. ",-0.9402,negative,sentimental 1072,depressed,I'm going through depression and my girlfriend just broke up with me.,speaker,1,"Hey guys, I usually don't do this but I'm at a lost for words. I haven't been feeling too good lately and have been pretty down. I don't know if work is stressing me, or home, or because mt girlfriend has been standoff ish and distant. Maybe all of them. But right now, I was feeling kind of down like normal and my girlfriend just broke up with me. When I asked her why she said she truly doesn't know. I don't wanna fall into a deeper depression because I have to get out of bed for work everyday. Any advice ..",0.1268,positive,lonely 1073,depressed,i just wanna die,speaker,1,recently I've became homeschooled due to bullying and everyone hates me and at home I can never do anything right and I always get yelled at and in trouble I had to leave all my friends because at first I lived in a different state now I'm alone and I feel like everyone hates me and I'm bisexual and can't come out because I'm scared everyone will hate me in my family I'll never get excepted I just want to die,-0.9595,negative,lonely 1073,depressed,i just wanna die,listener_1,2,"I know you don’t want to hear this, but there’s a reason people keep saying it... it WILL get better. Being a teenager is hard as hell. Being a bi teenager in a hostile environment is even harder. Try, try, try to focus on what you want in your future. Try writing it out with pen and paper. What is your short term goal? What do you want to do after high school? How can you achieve that? What do you want after that? Career? Family? Both? What do you want to see? Where do you want to go? Where do you want this life? Picture it. It’s a pretty sweet dream you’ve got. Study hard and get the hell out and get on your path. You’ve got 3.5 years left, tops if you’re a freshman. Take summer classes and test out of what you can. Graduate and move on. You’ll find a place with people just like you that you can laugh with and have fun with and trust. One day, you’ll look back on this time and sigh with relief that it’s over. Don’t give up. It really, truly does get better. A lot better. You’ll be okay. Deep breath. Go get that future. ",0.9919,positive,hopeful 1073,depressed,i just wanna die,listener_2,3,"This is the best advice I've seen anyone ever give on reddit. Thank you. OP I was a bi homeschooled suicidal teenager in a hostile home and it does get better. Sometimes it will feel like it is only getting worse but trust me when I say that the pain you feel now will be nothing compared to the love and joy you will feel when all this is over. Your dreams are worth dreaming, your wants are worth wanting, and your life is worth living, but none of this happens without YOU. ",0.9721,positive,neutral 1074,depressed,Is my girlfriend depressed? Please help?,speaker,1,"I’m sorry if this is the wrong place. Just trying to figure out what’s going on. I’ll delete it if it’s not welcome. My girlfriend is a very organized person. I would go as far as to say she’s usually a total neat freak. We’ve been together for five years and not a day has gone by she hasn’t cleaned the room or done laundry. She’s also very talkative and expressive. The last week or so I’ve noticed she doesn’t really take the time to clean anymore. I do what I can but I’m at work most the day. I’ve come home around she’ll be in bed with clutter all around her (which is pretty abnormal). She just doesn’t seem real interesting in talking anymore. She’ll answer me and still speaks, but as far as conversation go and telling me about her day or things that happened she has stopped. She is also usually a very hygienic person. She still showers but it has been a lot less frequently. (Usually once a day but now it’s more like every day and a half or two days, which is abnormal). I’m just wondering what’s going on. I’ve obviously tried talking to her and asking if everything is okay and she just says she’s fine. I know that’s not the case so she’s actin so different. What can I do to help her? Is she depressed? Thank you ",0.9373,positive,sympathizing 1074,depressed,Is my girlfriend depressed? Please help?,listener_1,2,"Hey there. Honestly I would say yes, she likely is depressed. If she's suddenly stopped doing things she used to enjoy and do borderline religiously and has suddenly stopped and sleeps a lot. Even the hygiene thing, if she's struggling to even take a shower or have a conversation... It sounds like it ): poor love. I struggle with depression/bipolar and on bad days it's so difficult to even get out of bed. You can message me if you'd like. I'll be here if you want to talk about it.",-0.6642,negative,agreeing 1074,depressed,Is my girlfriend depressed? Please help?,speaker,3,Thank you! I’ll shoot you a message I’m just not sure how! ,-0.3498,negative,sympathizing 1074,depressed,Is my girlfriend depressed? Please help?,speaker,4,Thank you for all of your advice. ,0.3612,positive,grateful 1074,depressed,Is my girlfriend depressed? Please help?,listener_1,5,NpI messaged you btw ^-^,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1075,depressed,Broken?,speaker,1,"I don't know what's wrong with me. I was happy for awhile.. it felt like a blink. It's suffocating. It's dark. It's terrible... but at the same time I'm almost comfortable with it. When I have a good day or a good week I feel exposed. Vulnerable. Unable to enjoy the happiness because I'm preparing for the shittiness yet to come. I want to die, just don't have the balls to do it lol",0.9672,positive,lonely 1075,depressed,Broken?,listener_1,2,"Don't let those thoughts of the inevitable get in the way of your happiness. You are worth more than you're letting yourself believe. If you can still smile, there is still hope that you can get out of this phase of depression. You may feel like you've fallen, and the process of getting back up may be a slow one, but you cannot let these bad thoughts control you. You are stronger than this, OP. Posting here is a clear sign you want to be happy. Hope is still there. If you're feeling down, find something or someone that makes you laugh or smile. Find the comfort you desire. Let whatever it may be keep you from feeling depressed. Don't allow the things that make you think you can't be happy get in the way of what really matters. I'm sure there is a lot going on in your life, but don't lose your face. Never lose your smile. Keep your head up. ",0.9899,positive,hopeful 1075,depressed,Broken?,speaker,3,You just made me cry,-0.4767,negative,sentimental 1075,depressed,Broken?,speaker,4,I talked to my SO tonight... seeing a doctor is our next step. Thanks for getting that in my head ,0.4404,positive,trusting 1075,depressed,Broken?,listener_1,5,You have to know that there are people willing to be there for you. You are not alone. You don't have to go through life feeling like you can't be happy. I'm glad I could help you in some way. Have a great day~,0.8896,positive,grateful 1076,depressed,Does this happen to anyone else?,speaker,1,"I’ve noticed this about myself. My emotions come in waves: one week I could be on top of the world and nothing could bring me down. And the next I could cry over anything, it’s not me being a girl or getting my period or anything liek that it doesn’t correspond with that. Just some days I’m super happy and talkative and the next I overthink everything and it makes me cry and all I want is to stay home. But there always small periods of times so it’s next so sudden where it’s own day and the next I’m fine it’s like one week or two I’m fine and the next week I’m not ",0.836,positive,sad 1076,depressed,Does this happen to anyone else?,listener_1,2,"Yes, all the time. I've always blamed it on having hormones and period stuff; but I think the mood swings can also be caused by a bad diet, lack of exercise, lack of vitamin D, stress, or a combination of any or all of those things. There are, of course, additional unmentioned factors that could cause mood fluctuations, but just know that you're definitely not alone, there may be explanations for it, and there may be things you can do to mitigate its effects on your life. Some counseling may be a good option in attempting to decipher exactly what is causing your ambivalence. You would be amazed at how much good it can do just to talk to a detached, confidential third party about your life, relationships, and habits. ",0.8276,positive,agreeing 1076,depressed,Does this happen to anyone else?,speaker,3,My body just naturally lacks vitamin D and since I was young my doctor always told me that I jsut need to get outside more often then a usual person or just drink a lot of orange juice (which I hate but still try to drink regardless) I recently started going to gym and getting to actually enjoy exercises and it has helped and I’ve noticed it yet if I’m not in the mood to go to them gym then I’m flat out not and it would make my mood worse if I force myself to go ,-0.1531,negative,ashamed 1077,depressed,I just marked my arm,speaker,1,I can't even say it directly. My best friend is coming over soon and I'm so scared because I let my thoughts beat me and now there are marks on my arm to prove it. I'm seriously afraid of what he'll say or do... ,0.4513,positive,terrified 1077,depressed,I just marked my arm,listener_1,2,"Remember, there are those out there who can’t cope. Who lose hope and take it out on others. Be yourself. Stand tall. Be proud of making it through another day without drugs, without violence to others. You are still alive. You are still struggling, along with the rest of us (don’t let anyone convince you that everyone else is having it easier- how we cope is our own, and different amongst ourselves), and as long as you keep up the fight, and don’t give in, be proud. Be the best you, you can be. Find something you are good at, and work hard to be better at it. We all struggle. You are not alone. <3",0.9293,positive,proud 1077,depressed,I just marked my arm,listener_2,3,Removed for suggesting self-harm is an option.,0.0,neutral,angry 1077,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_3,1,"I trap myself in my room all day doing nothing but sleeping, jamming to music and watching Youtube. I hate my family I feel like I'm a prisoner in my own house I just want to get away. I'm homeschooled but I can't handle this shit anymore I barley do my work and I skip a lot of shit and by this time I probably have 35 overdo lessons. I have so many mental breakdowns each day. When my parents aren't here I'm so much happier I hate my family. Read my other posts for a more detailed way.",-0.9664,negative,lonely 1077,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_4,2,"I think your parents have your best interest at heart, because they want you to get through schooling so that you have more opportunities in life. I actually wonder why they are home schooling you. The sooner you get through schooling the sooner you are likely to go free. Even if you don't want to spend time with your family go for walks in the fresh air, that should make you feel better. See how this goes, and if you are still over sleeping then you need to see your doctor.",0.9715,positive,anxious 1077,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_3,3,They put me into homeschooling because my last school was honestly shit. I don't like going outside during the winter I don't like being cold. And I only see a doctor if I'm sick badly.,-0.8812,negative,afraid 1078,depressed,Depression - sahm,speaker,1,"Any other stay at home mothers suffering with depression? Its so hard trying to take care of little ones when you can barely take care of yourself. One day at a time, i guess",-0.3338,negative,questioning 1078,depressed,Depression - sahm,listener_1,2,"Absolutely, I have a 6,5 and 2 year old. We just moved to a new state and I don't know anyone. I am at my limit. Something has to change because I'm starting to feel like I could leave and never look back. How horrible is that? ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 1078,depressed,Depression - sahm,listener_2,3,"Do you have anything positive or encouraging to watch or read during the day when you're taking care of your children? Any music maybe to play to enhance your mood? I can't imagine taking care of 3 alone during the day. I'm not too experienced with parenthood, or at all for that matter, but it can't be easy. I think there's got to be something out there for you to help ease your mood during this. I'm in somewhat of a depressed state myself.",0.6165,positive,questioning 1078,depressed,Help,listener_3,1,"Please help me, i dont know what to do. How can i stop caring about what other people think about me? I hating myself more and more everyday.I have no real friends,just pretemders.I just want it to stop.",-0.1689,negative,lonely 1078,depressed,Help,listener_4,2,I used to feel like you and I still do sometimes but I slowly began to not care what people thought anymore. People will always judge you but honestly you just need to accept who you are and do you. I feel like people hate me all the time and are only around me because they feel bad or something but they're still someone who is there to talk to. If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to talk to me. I hate my body and my self and it's hard for me to change them but im.working on it little by little and that's just what you have to do,-0.6177,negative,ashamed 1078,depressed,Help,listener_3,3,"Thank you for replying. I try to stop caring but i just go back to the same mindset.i think i do accept who i am i do sometimes like myself.But most of the time i just think about what other people might be thinking and i just pull myslef down.This mostly happens around women.Men, i can talk to and understand.I'm actually sort of scared of women.I assume they judege me evry second and i cant even look them in the eye.I just feel really sad realizing im going to die alone because the two things i actually want in life is to travel the world and fallin love.",-0.3775,negative,afraid 1079,depressed,"My head's a mess.. I miss the old me, the happy me",speaker,1,"2am here, just listening to some old music.. I got back to my old youtube account from 2015/2016 and I'm listening the songs I used to listen back then.. It's those type of songs that they remind you of those times, how you used to feel back then. Cause people ask me if I were ever happy, and what crosses my mind it's this girl who I used to date in 9th grade, It felt so real, so innocent, I know, i know, we're just a bunch of kids back then, but somehow, I've never felt so alive, so appreciated, so.. happy! I had people that liked me, people that supported me, I had a best friend.. I'm so fucked up now, I miss having someone asking me how did my day went, late nights hugs, 3 am talks while listening to music, I don't know how much time it passed since I've been with a girl, I'm 17 now, I don't have many friends, just know a lot of people. I remember good times, 9th grade, no worries in a world, late night dinners with my friends, my girlfriend next to me holding my hand while we talking about stories.. That look on her eye, it was just.. my safe spot.. I'm not depressed or anything, but I miss leaving the house for once other than going to school, I'm always stuck to computer, doing jack shit, I miss having friends, I miss having fun, I miss being appreciated. I have so many good memories, lately I've been reminiscing so hard about me, the old me, the old smiley me.. Everyday it's just this, me, alone, again, always worried, about cash, my future life, everything.. Please help",0.9966,positive,nostalgic 1079,depressed,"My head's a mess.. I miss the old me, the happy me",listener_1,2,"Depending on your physical abilities I would suggest Maybe going for a walk or a hike. When I feel lost or get caught up thinking about my old life I take a long walk with my pup. Put my ear buds in and let time just pass me by. I often think about when I was in high school 8+ years ago. I was a jock/farm boy. I was captain of the football team and worked on my family farm. I went to bonfires every weekend, had a lifted diesel truck, and all the girls I could ask for. When high school was over all that stopped. I didn’t play football in college, the bonfire crowd moved on to hard drugs and I sold the truck to buy a car for college to save money. I was lost and miserable. But I always found peace in going for a walk and forgetting about life for a while. It was a slow climb back up to where I am now and it won’t happen overnight for you either. But I ended up with a great job. Dream truck, and a girl I’m still not sure how I ended up with but I’m thankful everyday for her. Keep your head up and push forward. ",0.9498,positive,nostalgic 1079,depressed,"My head's a mess.. I miss the old me, the happy me",speaker,3,"I want to push forward, but I can't, I mean, what can I do?..",0.0387,neutral,devastated 1079,depressed,"My head's a mess.. I miss the old me, the happy me",listener_1,4,Set small goals. And even if you fail to meet them acknowledge that you failed see where you went wrong and correct them. And everyday just and push away from your old self a little more. It won’t happen quickly I can promise you that. I know another key part for me was getting away from toxic people and making my own path. ,-0.8225,negative,consoling 1079,depressed,"My head's a mess.. I miss the old me, the happy me",listener_2,5,Just keep trying,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,speaker,1,"Okay so to start this off im 14 and male, Finally i got a nice girlfriend, she had red hair and was beautiful. Well long story but she broke up with me after 2 days and during tr breakup she shared all of our texts extanged and embaressed me and i was told that she used and cheated on me too. Thats when my self harm started, i decided to take a knife and cut about 20 stryos to fat on my right leg till blood got all over the ground. I let everyone in my family and school and what little friends i actually had down. It felt so good and i went on doing it everynight for a week or so. Well at this time me and this other girl were friends and she always jkked about... lets call it self pleasure. So curious me just asked if she had ever done it and OMG thats the end of the world she told everyone about what i said and about that i cut (I had kept this info private between me and trusted her) Thats when more cuts came and i started to scatter my chest and more on the same leg. Well the other girl that used and cheated on me left the school still being really mean to me and in one of my classes for a peroid i was sat next to the other one so she starts to talk to my friend about me in front of me. They start off with making fun about my hair and then starts to get really deep. Saying you know whats worse than this (blah blah blah) and she got to my depression and said i was desprate and sexual and stuff. Then she got to my cuts and i just laid my head on my desk and cried. I was just hurt on my used to be best friend who i trusted making fun of my cuts. My friend got worried and sad me said i deserve this. Bully then said no no no you fully deserve this, you deserve more than this. And went on and on and ive tried to apoligse to her and ask for forgiveness but no not accepting it. I stopped self harm after my parents saw and freaked but i want to cut so badly. My questions: Why do girls hate me? all i want is someone to serve and to give all my happiness too and be happy. Someone to respect and everything Did i deserve what happened to me at that one peroid? Did she have the right to be that way? What did I do to get the name emo and when i say i self harm people just scoff and say im stupid or they really get to me saying that im asking for attention, why are people that mean to me? My birthday was on the 23 and it was extremely overshadowded by 2 peoples who were on the 22 my favorite friends didnt say happy birthday... well one did. (I had flu too) Someone just... help? Im scared that im going to relapse and have only been clean for a few months. I dont want to let my family and the few friends that actually care. P.S. I was finally in another relationship about a few months after and i was so happy i would praise this girl and put my heart into it and then she said, “hey im just kidding i never liked you”. And also that bully said that i used her and since shes quite popular it spread around quick. I ended with 42 stryos to fat on my right leg now all fading scars and 22 deep on my chest and lighter on my stomach (lighter cuts on stomach faded almost)",0.9837,positive,ashamed 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,listener_1,2,"About your first girlfriend she's the one to use you and she was selfish. Also your friend how long have you guys been friends? Girls don't hate you, they just like to use people (Even though I'm a girl writing this). You just have to be on your guard while trusting people because this world makes people betray each other. They named you Emo also because they all think emo means cutting themselves but Emo is a style so there's no way in hell that's Emo. I would say be careful to who you talk to and stuff. And Whens your birthday?",-0.8036,negative,trusting 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,speaker,3,23rd and thank you the 2nd we were friends for about 2 years ,0.6808,positive,grateful 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,speaker,4,Thanks ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,listener_1,5,Was it last month? Damn friends for 2 years and back stabbed like that that's hell. Please don't cut you're self I know I sound like those annoying people but trust me you'll regret cutting. I'm also depressed too but I don't harm myself Please don't do that.,-0.2871,negative,furious 1080,depressed,No Girl wil ever like me,speaker,6,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1081,depressed,Just Ask me,speaker,1,"I dont know. Sometimes I feel just really betrayed when I feel like i can trust a person. I finally built up the courage to tell one of my friends I used to cut and showed her my scars. She looked at them then at me and gave me the best heartwarming hug. I rember that moment of feeling loved. Then I heard form one kid that she told her whole drama class. He hugs dont feel the way they used too. I invited her to my birthday and she told everyone that too so now I look like I like her which I dont. What do I do when a kid sees my scars accidently and instead of any help or care they say to me “boi why tf would you be so stupid”. Why do my friends not care and the ones that I trusted just let me down. It has to be my fault. Read my last little vent that I posted but why is it always my fault. My friends are prefect and I suck. I lay here crying for little bits at a time beacuse big waves of sadness just hit me. I think of what poeple do to me and deny it. People have it worse than me is all I can say and i shouldnt be a shit but I continue to cry. Why do I want to cut and feel that realease and it feels so good. Ive been clean but its jut given me more motovation and want to do it. It would be so nice and Ive had thoughts if I were gone. My friends would be happy people who hate me would be happy and everyone would be glad at the price of me. But hey, im not of worth. Give me anything, say anything Im open. Why is it my fault why am I so messed up in my past poeple look at my leg and i make them miserable, everyone I make miserable and why can i ever have someones trust, is it that hard. I give my friends my all (i run and get them starbucks, candy, drinks and homework and would tell them i will do and be anything for them because on my eyes i am worthless to them) and I get all of this in return. How can I feel so alone in my cutting but have so much bad attention in the same time, people think they get it when they look on the outside but its nothing compared to when i tell them whats on the inside. Nothing but shit and sadness. Feel free to say anything. They nsver reach out And ask but they judge",0.7922,positive,trusting 1081,depressed,Just Ask me,listener_1,2,"Don't blame yourself. I'm guessing your in high school, (because of the drama club), and I hate to say it but high school kids aren't the brightest bulbs. Your friend may have genuinely sympathized with you when you opened up to her about your cutting. But it's likely that she never knew anyone who cut and was something that she felt like she needed to talk to about with someone else, and in doing so made it become gossip. If you dont like what she did, tell her. If she's really your friend she should understand why you are bothered and if she doesn't then she clearly wasn't your friend in the first place. It was really brave of you to open up to someone and I hope this doesn't hinder you from doing so in the future. People need to be aware that depression and cutting are real things that can affect anyone and the best way to help prevent it is by talking about it. Since your in high school though, be cautious about who you tell. And avoid comparing your pain to others, it's a never ending game. These are your battle scars and you are a survivor. That takes strength.",0.1533,positive,neutral 1081,depressed,Just Ask me,speaker,3,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1081,depressed,Just Ask me,speaker,4,Yeah she knows the office knows though im in 8th grade and i just wanted to talk to 9th grade and have a new start but one person i trusted told. Take a look at my last post where i explain everyrhing (my first post),0.6956,positive,trusting 1082,depressed,It dosent go away,speaker,1,"I always feel the need to cut. Ive been clean for about half a year now. Shouldnt these feeling be gone? Ive heard that the feeling should start to mild but they are only getting worse everyday. I just need a girl lol ( i really dont ). But honestly, why does these feeling just get worse i feel like im going to relapse and do more damage. I dont want to fail others but i just have the worst urges. i havent cut but my depression has gotten a lot worse. I dont know if its not cutting thats causing this but i just makes me cry everynight.",-0.975,negative,guilty 1082,depressed,It dosent go away,listener_1,2,"I haven’t cut in over a year now but I still get the urges everyday. I don’t know how to help it, I suggest distractions that actually make you use your hands. Like video games, making something, or even just cleaning. Good luck! ",0.9168,positive,wishing 1082,depressed,It dosent go away,speaker,3,Thanks ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1082,depressed,It dosent go away,speaker,4,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1082,depressed,It dosent go away,speaker,5,I play soccer and golf,0.34,positive,content 1083,depressed,Hey,speaker,1,"So, this is my first time actually posting anything on any page., well at least a text post. Anyway. I’m not sure how this place works considering I’ve never really been on it until today. I suffer from major depression, along with other conditions such as anxiety, ADHD, OCD, etc. This usually makes it worse. I have almost no real friends that I can talk to. I got cheated on. Four times. I’ve been abused, taken advantage of, and I’m not sure what to do anymore. This isn’t much of a cry for help as it is a...well, I’m not quite sure I even know what this is. I guess I just needed to get things off my chest as coherently as I possibly could. I just needed a friend. ",-0.9652,negative,lonely 1083,depressed,Hey,listener_1,2,"Sorry you're feeling this way. Me too. Just know you're not alone. Might not make things easier, but maybe helps a little. ",0.4946,positive,suggesting 1083,depressed,Hey,speaker,3,"Thank you. If you need anything or someone to talk to, I’m here. Not sure if it’ll help but I’ll listen",0.2776,positive,caring 1083,depressed,Hey,listener_1,4,Thanks as well. ☺,0.7906,positive,acknowledging 1083,depressed,Hey,speaker,5,"I really appreciate this. Thank you so much. If you need a friend or someone to talk to, I’m here for you as well :)",0.926,positive,sympathizing 1083,depressed,Hey,speaker,6,I do; thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,speaker,1,"Went to /r/depression but i got no response, so i will copy paste what I said there: Yes, i know the title looks stupid, but hear me out (btw my english is not the best and i'm really tired right now so sorry for any mistake). I'm a 19 years old (straight) male. I lived in a small town for 18 years until i finished high school. After that, i went to a college in another city since my home city doensn't have much choice of higher education. I never had any sexual interection with a girl at all, not even a kiss. Now you're probably thinking ""yeah, you're ugly and never had a girlfriend, that sucks, but it isn't that bad and a lot of people are in your situation"". You are right about that, but the thing is that i am so ugly that people don't even wanna be friend with me. Hell, they don't even want to talk to me! When i was younger i noticed that when people first looked at me, they would act really weird and their smile would fade away, like they saw something out of the ordinary. After that first impression, when i got more along with people, it would be okay if i were in a group of more than 3 people, but when i was with just 2 other people they would naturally talk with each other and almost ignore me in the conversation. And, as expected, when i was just with 1 other person, they would seem not interested in whatever i was doing or saying and would want their time with me to and. Sometimes they would eventually moan about just being the two of us hanging out, saying that it would be better if there was another person with us, but it's perfectly clear that if that person was doing the exact same thing with another person (like, almost anyone at all), they would like it more than doing it with me. I even remember times when me and my friends planned to hang out but everyone canceled and there was only one of my friends left, they would say things like ""it's just the 2 of us, it will not be worth it"", ""oh, that person doesn't go? then it will just be boring with the two of us"", ""maybe i will go if cool people decide to go"" and saying excuses, like they were tired or something came up. So i started to realise why they treated me like that. You see, i'm a really skinny guy with a really nerdy face as people say, so i undertood that they treated me like shit because of my looks. You're maybe thinking ""those things are all in your head, those people were just assholes to you"". That would be the case, but like i said, i went to a college out of my hometown, which means new people to meet. Although those behaviors i described would are not so intensified, they still exist and i can see that people are not very confortable with my looks. People always say that looks doesn't matter and that in the end personality is what matters the most. That is fucking bullshit. My life is a great example of that. I have also done some research and concluded that looks are way more important than people think. Looks gives you not only a relationship but also friends and even jobs. It affects your life in literally all aspects. If you don't have the looks your social, romantic, professional, etc. life will be much harder. It's not an opinion, it's really just the way it is (search halo effect for example) Of course living like this got me really depressed. Nowadays i barely even leave my house to avoid people judging and interacting with me. I have suicide thoughts very frequently. So, i tried to came up with solutions for this problem of mine: 1 - Go to surgery. That would be the best option and my family have the money for it. The thing is, i don't see my parents paying it AT ALL! If i would do that, it would be with my own money, but i would have to graduate first, get a job and accumulate money, which is a thing that would take years and i can't see myself living in the situation i currently am much longer, so this is out of option. 2 - Work out a lot and try to have a better body. This is more possible, but the problem is my face, not my body, so it would probably be useless. Even if it wasn't, i am so depressed that i can't even imagine myself doing something like that, which takes a lot of work and motivation 3 - Accepting things as they are and try to live the most with what i have. I refuse to do that. I refuse to accept that people will have a better life than me in all aspects just because they were lucky enough to be at least normal looking. I refuse to be accept that i will be treated like shit to the rest of my left for something that i didn't choose. 4 - And, of course, suicide, wish honestly seems the best option to me So yeah, writing this post is kinda of my last resort. Btw yes, i am currently going to therapy. I went to a psychologist but it was completely useless. He recommend me a psychiatrist. I didn't have any appoinment yet, my first one will be in two weeks Sorry if this looks goofy and hard to understand, like i said in the beggining my english is not the best and i'm really tired while i am writing this Anyway let me know if you have any suggestions (And no, this is not just things that are just in my head, this is real)",0.9154,positive,embarrassed 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,listener_1,2,"Personality does matter, and if that is all you have, then you should be attentive to how well-rounded it is. Don't settle on your current thinking: challenge your assumptions about ""looks"" and how other people catagorize faces. Also, your situation is in fact, in your head: you are responsible for your thoughts no matter how they arrived in your brain.",0.3871,positive,confident 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,speaker,3,You 200% missed the point. But i think it's hard to understand what i'm saying when this is not even close to being your reality,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,listener_2,4,lmao agreed.,0.7184,positive,agreeing 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,listener_1,5,I understand what you are posting about because of my own perception of what my physical features are.,0.0,neutral,confident 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,listener_3,6,"This is worth reading more than one time, OP.",0.2263,positive,neutral 1084,depressed,So ugly that i want to die,speaker,7,"Those were actually pretty good advices. I'm going to start going to the gym this week. I honestly don't see myself getting motivated enough to work out on a daily basis, but maybe my goals will keep me motivated, but anyway, that's something i need to figure out myself. Yeah, i'm not going to use steroids, like at all, but i got what you were saying. Hearing that about your friend is amazing! Hope i can be like that friend of yours one day haha. Anyway, thanks for your time",0.9932,positive,suggesting 1085,depressed,What mess should I take,speaker,1,"(Throwaway account) hi, I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for a while and I’m confused on which meds I should take. My mother (I’m 14 still) says I shouldn’t take meds so young seeing as they have some bad side effects. Any and all help is appreciated. Edit:title said meds instead of meds",-0.7906,negative,sympathizing 1085,depressed,What mess should I take,listener_1,2,"Meds have a really bad track record with teenagers. I'd recommend therapy before meds imo, but I'm not a doctor. ",-0.1646,negative,neutral 1085,depressed,What mess should I take,speaker,3,Could I get it prescribed to me?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1086,depressed,To lie or to not lie?,speaker,1,"Read my past first stpry and it explains allthe backround. GOd someone help my ex who used me and cheated on me. I was never able to trust her. I still havent gotten over her. But after she lefty school she would pretend over text and be really nice and everything and then she said she was pregnet with this guys kid and boom it was a lie. She pretends to be nice to me knowing thats all i ever wanted. And then she become mean. Well today, we were talking and shes being really nice and i always fall for this so i really dont know whats real nice. But i remonded her of how I SH bc we were asking of life questions and i was telling her how i have the urges. She then told me that she cuts. I was almost crying at this bc i still love her after 7 months. She said she still does. I asked her to see scars and why she SH and she said im too umcomfortable (not wanting to jump to conclusions but i think shes depressed). She said she SH sometiemes still. Im sad for her but im scared. She lies and i dont want to accuse her beacuse ive been through it and i would want support. But if she is lying i would be just too hurt and too sad and insulted. Help... i dont know what to do i dknt know if shes lying or if shes serious. I have the irges and have been through this and if shes lying i might relapse. (Edit: if she is telling the truthi feel like shit for writing this)",-0.9759,negative,trusting 1086,depressed,To lie or to not lie?,listener_1,2,"Hard to say, you know her best. I'm extremely fed up with people saying they're self harming themselves. I can tell the minute they say it because they're so open about it. I did it once and never told a human person again.",0.0516,positive,disgusted 1086,depressed,To lie or to not lie?,speaker,3,Same i lost trust but with her she ig had been SH for a while or abother friend is lying to me,0.0516,positive,trusting 1086,depressed,To lie or to not lie?,listener_2,4,Date to marry,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,speaker,1,I fucking done with everything. I suck at my job while my life is falling apart and family life is problematic. ,-0.7506,negative,ashamed 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,listener_1,2,"Don't give up ❤️ If you'd like to talk, feel free to DM me. Even just to vent ^-^",0.7003,positive,questioning 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,speaker,3,I can't support myself financially. I'm trying to move my remaining stuff out my NParents house and can't find a wallet with important things (I think they might've taken or thrown away because they like to that as an excuse fo me having too much stuff.) I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm unemployed. ,0.3274,positive,devastated 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,listener_1,4,Is the wallet tied to your work or you're worried you'll lose your job because you aren't good at it?,-0.7435,negative,apprehensive 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,speaker,5,"Wallet isn't relevant to work. It has sentimental shit like my Psi Chi membership and Red Cross along with my bank number. Except all they can do is add money to my bank then again I'm poor. I'm worried at my job because I'm not ""good"" at it. Then again there's nothing else I'm better at even with a college degree. I've done the what color is your parachute and I know what I want to do. This job is to support what I actually want to do because I can't do what I want to do until I get more experience.",-0.6139,negative,apprehensive 1087,depressed,I'm so fucking alone. Screwed up teeth after braces with cavities. I can't financially support myself after I was so self reliant on NParents until now. I can't do anything right.,listener_1,6,What is it that you do? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1088,depressed,I can't find that real feeling again,speaker,1,"I remember when I was 13, and I was listening to some old chill lay back type beat in my moms car at 1 am, and I was just thinking about all in life, so many things got up to me back then, in that moment, nothing cared, just me, the music and my thoughts, and my thoughts are just the most beautiful thing ever, staring at the moon, the stars, and thinking how we don't appreciate the beautiful things that are given to us. I'm afraid i'll never have a moment like that in my life again, 2 years ago, I was dating this chick for 5 months, it was the girl I loved the most, and we were at her friends house for the friday night party, it was 3am, I was a little high, and we we're chilling to that beat, Idk why, I'm never tired of the beat, and boy, that night I was so peaceful, so grateful, I was watching the stars with this most beautiful girl ever and I was thinking 'I need more nights like this, I need this kind of feeling of peace, happiness' My fear is that I'll never love someone like that again or ever find someone who loves me like that too, i'm stuck on a endless cycle of regret, worried,sad life.. 2 years after and what I've become? I'm always worried about some shit, always stuck to computer, idk when was the last time I went to watch some stars or so, since that girl, I haven't been with anyone else, I barely have friends anymore.. I want to feel that again",0.9744,positive,content 1088,depressed,I can't find that real feeling again,listener_1,2,you my boy need some pussy,0.0,neutral,jealous 1088,depressed,I can't find that real feeling again,speaker,3,Ahahah you're right tho,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1088,depressed,I can't find that real feeling again,listener_2,4,Watch hentai it worked for me ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1089,depressed,I'm tired of everything. I made so many mistakes my front teeth enamel is bad and getting fillings is unlikely because they are close together. I'm ashamed of my cavities. Sometimes I wish I fell asleep forever.,speaker,1,"I hate everything about myself. I avoid looking myself in the mirror and hate pictures of myself because I look like a huge dork. I've tried therapy and medication, got braces, tried contacts, growing out my hair, working out, and I hate my stupid appearance. It doesn't help that my enamel is getting worse at my bottom front teeth and I'm ashamed of myself. I spend money on clothes and makeup yet I can't take care of something as easy as brushing my teeth better. Braces ruined my enamel because I had a poor diet and was a bratty child that didn't understand the importance of being extra meticulous. I feel like nobody will want to date me because of my teeth and I'm afraid of losing them. I envy fat people because they have beautiful face. Instead I'm a butterface with a skinny body and ugly face. Plastic surgery and makeup won't solve my ugliness. I'm tired of everything. I made so many mistakes my front teeth enamel is bad and getting fillings is unlikely because they are close together. I'm ashamed of my cavities. Sometimes I wish I fell asleep forever.",-0.9869,negative,ashamed 1089,depressed,I'm tired of everything. I made so many mistakes my front teeth enamel is bad and getting fillings is unlikely because they are close together. I'm ashamed of my cavities. Sometimes I wish I fell asleep forever.,listener_1,2,You’ll find someone! It will be great. 🙂 Just need a little confidence in yourself! I believe in you!,0.8931,positive,trusting 1089,depressed,I'm tired of everything. I made so many mistakes my front teeth enamel is bad and getting fillings is unlikely because they are close together. I'm ashamed of my cavities. Sometimes I wish I fell asleep forever.,speaker,3,My teeth are getting worse I wish I ate healthier and took care of my teeth better now it’s getting too late ,0.6908,positive,guilty 1089,depressed,I'm tired of everything. I made so many mistakes my front teeth enamel is bad and getting fillings is unlikely because they are close together. I'm ashamed of my cavities. Sometimes I wish I fell asleep forever.,speaker,4,"I used to be vegan, except I ate junk food. ",0.0,neutral,guilty 1090,depressed,What’s the point?,speaker,1,"I’ve been wondering what’s the point of my life? My life has gone to shit lately and I just want to know the answer (I am not suicidal), I am ugly as f*ck, I will never find anyone for my bisexual life, I have yet to find something I enjoy and good at, everything I’ve tried out so many things but I’ve ended up being a complete failure at, Broadcasting, woodshop, sports, video games yet I’m terrible at all, I am suffering from ADHD and social anxiety, in my ag class I had to do a presentation (fml) my voice was shaking, my hands were shaking, my whole damn body was shaking like what the hell I can’t help this I don’t want people to think as me as being some nervous wreck :(. Why did I have to be born ugly, why did I have to born skinny, why did I have to be born with ADHD, why was I made this way. I know there is hope for me in the future, but I want that to be sooner and not later.",-0.9822,negative,lonely 1090,depressed,What’s the point?,speaker,2,"Like every message I ever posted no one will see this, like will people even notice I’m gone? I’m quite in class some people don’t even know I’m there ",0.4897,positive,embarrassed 1090,depressed,What’s the point?,listener_1,3,"The problem with this subreddit is that everyone here is depressed so nobody can offer any advice. That's why I spend my time on r/2meirl4meirl. Everyone there is depressed but at least they read your posts/comments. Sorry you feel shitty, it sucks. Find something you love doing. It might take a lot of experimenting but I hope you find it. Once you do, give your whole self to it maybe it will make you happy. But who knows I've got a lot to learn myself. :)",0.7876,positive,lonely 1091,depressed,How old are you?,speaker,1,"I feel like I am too old to be thinking/feeling the way I do. Back in high school people would talk like I think now, that was >10 years ago ... I feel like I am late to the game or something which just makes it worse.",0.5267,positive,embarrassed 1091,depressed,How old are you?,listener_1,2,Depression doesn't care much about age. I didn't fully recognize my feelings and start addressing them until about 10 years after high school. Don't make yourself feel bad due to age. If you have something going on focus on yourself and try to find what it is ❤️ You aren't alone ,-0.8437,negative,sad 1091,depressed,How old are you?,listener_2,3,Same. I realized my depression very late in the game but have had it for most of my life. ,-0.3291,negative,agreeing 1091,depressed,How old are you?,listener_3,4,Btw im 16 and been depressed since 10..,-0.5106,negative,neutral 1091,depressed,How old are you?,listener_1,5,It's good that you've acknowledged it early on though. Work on it now if you can,0.4404,positive,neutral 1091,depressed,How old are you?,listener_3,6,I am sir XD,0.6739,positive,ashamed 1092,depressed,"Life is better, but depression getting worse",speaker,1,"I don't how this happened but even though life has gotten better my depression has gotten worse. Last year was terrible year for me, so bad I had to start taking anti depressants. I also had a few therapy sessions and they also helped. My depression isn't, and never has been, bad enough that i'd consider suicide. The closest I come to that is wishing I could die by means I have no control over. So far this year I've tried new things, been a little more social, and I've stepped out of my comfort zone a little more. But even after doing all that, my depression is actually getting worse. The antidepressant help, but now i'm in a low place again. I am trying to do a college paper and another assignment, but I physically and mentally can't do it. Every time I look at it I want to just die, not by my own hand, but still. I should have my bachelors in a year but I just can't do this anymore. I'm gonna try and I already have a little over half complete. But this is honestly throwing off my mood. I'm even watching a funny podcast to help. I'm laughing, but it doesn't help at all. I hung out with friends the other day, we had a good time, but I still had moments during it where I felt bad. Any advice? I don't know what to do at this point, I'm doing what everyone usually suggest in these situations and it's not working, or somehow making it worse. College for sure brings out the worst of it. But I don't know what to do, Even at work and in class I'll have half of my mind focusing on wishing for death. But again I stress, I'm not suicidal.",-0.991,negative,afraid 1092,depressed,"Life is better, but depression getting worse",listener_1,2,"The best thing I can think of that worked for me is to just talk it out with someone you feel comfortable around, it sounds like you're keeping everything that's bothering you bottled up inside. Then again different things work for different people but don't let negative emotions build up inside of you, it's just gonna eat you up. Hope this helps and I hope you'll feel better.",0.9757,positive,consoling 1092,depressed,"Life is better, but depression getting worse",speaker,3,Thanks for the advice. I'm going to try and talk it out with someone. I might need more therapy.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1092,depressed,"Life is better, but depression getting worse",speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1092,depressed,"Life is better, but depression getting worse",listener_2,5,"May i add, if you need anyone to talk about stuff, feel free to send me a message. I guess its easier to talk to someone you don't know at all about things that are going on in your life. Take care buddy.",0.8519,positive,agreeing 1093,depressed,I've never been this depressed in my life,speaker,1,"Through my 28 years of life, I've never fallen as low as what I am currently. I don't really know what to do, how to get help, who I can talk to. I'm not suicidal, I'm just extremely down/sad/depressed.",0.8487,positive,afraid 1093,depressed,I've never been this depressed in my life,listener_1,2,"I feel ya. I wish I knew what to say, but just keep on truckin man.",0.2144,positive,faithful 1093,depressed,I've never been this depressed in my life,speaker,3,I haven't been to the doctor in a while nor have I been diagnosed as depressed? (Is that the right thing to say).,-0.5106,negative,surprised 1093,depressed,I've never been this depressed in my life,listener_2,4,"Gotcha. You might want to try going to just a regular doctor at first. Sometimes there's a medical reason why you feel depressed. Your regular doctor might recommend therapy or seeing a psychiatrist. Some primary care doctors will reommend or suscribe medication. If you can try doing something you enjoy, it sometimes will break the cycle as well. For me, watching something stupid and funny usually does it. If I laugh, it breaks my cycle. Easier said than done sometimes, though.",0.9169,positive,joyful 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,speaker,1,IM DONE CARING ABOUT EVERYONE.IM DONE TRYING.IM DONE WITH MY OWN EMOTION.IM DONE THINKING.IM DONE WITH WHAT I WANT.I NO LONGER HAVE A DREAM.IM DONE...I CANT BE HELPED..IT HAVE BEEN 8 YEARS SINCE I WAS 10..I GIVE UP..NOW TELL ME...TELL ME SOMETHING..,0.25,positive,angry 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,listener_1,2,"Hey! Hope I'm not too late. That's exactly how i felt when i was your age and eventually my emotions did go away. Partly from working on them but MOSTLY from taking antidepressants. I have a lot to say about this if you wanna hear it. Be strong, my son!",0.7896,positive,consoling 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,speaker,3,I am interested,0.4019,positive,hopeful 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,listener_1,4,"Alrighty, here it goes! I got clinical depression running all the way through my family tree. I was always a happy kid until my depression was triggered by becoming obsessed by a girl in my class when I hit 16 years old. 10 years ago now. This made me depressed every single day for the next 3 years until eventually, just like that my feelings just started disappearing. I think it was partly by itself from just becoming ""at peace"" with myself and partly my antidepressants (specifically Paroxetine, which is pretty hard core with its side effect. It was no walk in the park, my boy). When it finally stopped just for a little while I could finally think clearly and from then on I just try to read and learn how to keep my emotions in check. You're a young man and eventually as you grow older things will just start ""fading to grey"". Things won't be as big of a deal anymore and you'll just kind of become apathetic. That's exactly what happened to me and all my ""edgy emo friends"" from back in the day. Growing up is fucking HARD but when it's done, it's done and when all your ""young emotion"" goes away you'll be stuck in the aftermath which is a lot less chaotic and more comfortable. I wish i could help more but i know literally nothing about you...",0.8102,positive,sad 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,speaker,5,Looks like you have the balls to speak to your parents...I dont mimd growing but I cringe to myself when I am growing.,0.3697,positive,neutral 1094,depressed,How do I sacrifice my emotion for calmness in my life?,listener_2,6,"Anti-depressants have more weight here than opinions because AD's are shown by trials to be effective. Sure, nothing wrong with what you say about ""mental strength"", but AD's are known to help some of us get a boost.",0.9132,positive,confident 1095,depressed,My life has managed to take a turn for the worst and no one understands.,speaker,1," My biological burden that we typically refer to as mother had decided to exercise her degenerative authority on me once more and has decided to put me back in an isolated environment. I have a big problem with this, particularly because she continually victimizes herself in al situations, yet fails to realize her hypocrisy and idiocy each day. For the past 8 years I have dealt with constant beration, impulsive, irrational behavior from a shell of a lady. She fails to realize how she talks to people and how that affects her relationship with people. Most notably, she holds this presumption that my relationship with her is still active, that couldn’t be more wrong. Ever since a child, I had received disciplinary beatings which is not atypical of an african american child, however being raised in American society I quickly realized something was wrong. That is when my hate for her had begun to grow, there wasn’t much beyond those beatings that had begun the degradation process of our relationship. As I grew older, she became worse and worse, I had identified these tendencies like hypocrisy, ignorance, compulsiveness, victimization, and blatant manipulation. Every single day for the past 8 years I put up with her polarization between “support” and beration. She claims that she has offered herself as a support in my life and has done so much for me; that I will not deny, however at the same time she has managed to run our relationship into the ground. I have formed ideals and opinions about lifestyle, like not believe in religion which unfortunately makes a large part of her life. A big part of her irrational behavior I think stems from her dependence on the superficial being that lives in the sky she refers to as God (I apologize for the condescending tone but it is very hard to convey my emotions without feeling the same anger swelling inside of me). I’m 17 years old now and have suffered from depression, insomnia, and anxiety throughout high school. She fails to realize that I have experienced a lot of social pressures in life, and as an introvert it’s multiplied ten fold. Due to her ignorance to modern western medicine in place of holistic treatment, I decided that it simply is not worth bringing the issue up with her because she has become so predictable in every way, I can typically figure out her response before saying anything (I have confronted her with issues before.). This lead to the route of self medicating. There are several routes of self medication, I choose cannabis. During the first year, I used it rather uncontrollably, however as my usage grew and my knowledge grew, I understood how to use it as a beneficial part of my life. I have been able to focus on my school work without the clutter of those invading thoughts about my future, school, work, etc. I have maintained good grades since the start of the year. That is due to change though . I ran into legal trouble for breaking the law and bringing my paraphernalia and wax to school, for which I understand is wrong and I’m fully prepared to deal with that. What I can’t understand, is why she has decided that sticking me back in a military academy will solve anything. The last time I went to military school was because I couldn’t maintain my grades in middle school. My grades rose because I put in the effort to leave there, however I left there with more impulsive anger and a more cynical and skeptical view of the world. I can’t imagine this will go any different. This situation could be handled easily. I deal with the consequences of this charge. stay in school and continue normally. However she has already allowed her ignorance to fuel her irrational thought and bred a new strain of doubt and she’s assumed that my entire school year has been ruined by this and I will never recover despite being ahead in my classes. Excuse my language, but it is so fucking frustrating being ripped out of my life once again because of a mistake. I’m tired of kissing up to this rude and snide bitch every day just to avoid argument. If I’m doing good in school, she will always find another aspect of life to berate me on, whether that is my faith, relationships, or work. She is never satisfied, ever. Some may say that is great because she wants the best for me, but her method of execution is terrible. It is a complete joke, she has perfected this facade that displays her as a loving and caring mother. but behind that is an abyss of complete manipulation and malevolence that I think she doesn’t realize she created. When she was still working she suffered an incident at work that caused long and short term memory loss along with what I can identify as dementia, it worries me that she has another mental issue. She is rapidly degrading, she has cataracts in her eyes; the same thing I suffered from as a baby but was taken care of through a surgical procedure. Instead of going through this procedure, one that is undoubtedly improved since 2001, she wants to explore holistic means. While holistic treatments are effective in some situations, things like cataracts simply cannot be solved with that alone. After all, the treatments she is using is a preventative, not a solution. Forgive me for this cluster of thoughts, I intended to in a coherent way however I’m so flustered and angry, and coupled with being in this car with the same burden, my brother, and father on a 5-hour drive to the military academy to visit. The amount of anger that I have pent up continually threatens an outburst that I really don’t want to happen but I find it harder and harder to contain each day. Thank you for reading.",-0.9982,negative,angry 1095,depressed,My life has managed to take a turn for the worst and no one understands.,listener_1,2,"Understood disciplinary beatings its what made me almost the same as you tbh,im a passive person.I simply wont fork my own mum cuz to thank her for the almost die exp when she was tryong to give birth to me..",-0.079,negative,neutral 1095,depressed,My life has managed to take a turn for the worst and no one understands.,speaker,3,"It is indubitably saddening and flustering because you want so badly to hate this person in your life, but you can’t ignore the sacrifices and pain that they went through to raise you. I wish there was a clear cut threshold where it is fair to have these feelings, but it’s not that simple. When I was younger, I had locked myself in this emotional closet. I closed myself off from the world and hid my emotions. That was the first set of desensitizing myself. I look at myself today and I want to dream about a perfect life but I know that won’t happen. I want to feel sad and cry but all I can feel is anger and frustration. I have this idea in my mind that I can work independently but I know that if I leave now, I will not be able to support myself. And until I can resolve these internal conflicts, I don’t think I can maintain a functional role in society.",-0.8898,negative,sad 1095,depressed,My life has managed to take a turn for the worst and no one understands.,listener_1,4,Ok bro gudluck,0.29600000000000004,positive,wishing 1095,depressed,Anyone else?,listener_2,1,"Anyone else just get really sad all the time? I'm 25 and out of college so now I have a ""real"" job. A 8 to 5. I get so jealous that my boyfriend (who is the same age as me) has spring break off because hes' in college and doesn't work. He's been going to sxsw and getting drunk without me there. That shit just really makes me sad/totally jealous. I don't even know why I'm posting this...just thought i'd share. ",-0.9332,negative,jealous 1095,depressed,Anyone else?,listener_3,2,If you don’t mind me asking what part are you jealous of? Just him being able to drink and you have to work or are you worried that he will make some irrational choices out there? And If its at all possible I would try and avoid the cubicle farms. They tend to be a downer to people who aren’t depressed even more so to people who are struggling. ,-0.9356,negative,questioning 1095,depressed,Anyone else?,listener_2,3,Yeah i try to just keep my mind busy or just go to sleep. ,0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 1096,depressed,nobody needs me. nobody wants me.,speaker,1,"I've slipped into a horrible depression. All I want to do is sleep. Possibly for a week. Possibly forever. I've got nothing in my life. I'm unemployed. I'm single. My ""friends"" really don't like me. Nobody has really had a conversation with just me in weeks. My friends don't want me around because one person doesn't like me. And another person lies about me and makes people question my intentions. I found peace and escape in drugs. But they started mixing badly with me so I can't do them anymore. I have no enjoyment. No release. I've barricaded myself in my room. Hoping to be left long enough to just give up all hope.",-0.0424,neutral,lonely 1096,depressed,nobody needs me. nobody wants me.,listener_1,2,What about joining a gym? That is a tremendous help in regards to my Bipolar II. ,0.4576,positive,questioning 1096,depressed,nobody needs me. nobody wants me.,listener_2,3,I agree. Exercise releases endorphins in your brain that will help lift your mood. Going to the gym was the only thing I could consistently do when my depression was really bad in university.,-0.5095,negative,agreeing 1097,depressed,Why is my call for help ignored,speaker,1,"I've battled depression since around fourth grade up until now ninth grade(US btw). i've never felt like that was supposed to be normal,i've made multiple attempts at killing myself but i don't think i'd be able to push through. i cut but it hard because now my girlfriend has figured out and checks my body. I'm somewhat popular in school so i'm not depressed cause of bullying or feeling lonely. But it's my past that haunts me. My girlfriend constantly bring up my life before i had her and tonight i finally told her i cut because my past is on my mind. i live in North Dakota which is very depressing so the other day me,my mom and girlfriend were eating and i said ""i'm depressed as fuck"" to my mom. She asked do you need to talk to someone and i said yes. But as i spoke she asked my girlfriend if i am depressed and she said no when she damn right knows i am. I love my girlfriend so i'm not going to hold her to the fact that she doesn't want me to get help but i don't know what to do at this point all replies are greatly appreciated.",-0.9579,negative,sad 1097,depressed,Why is my call for help ignored,listener_1,2,"Wait, but if she's your gf and cares about you she should be the first person who wants you to get help. If she's hindering you talking to.someone or getting help, please do not let her stand in the way of that. If your mom is open to getting you help then go to her and figure out what you can do. Again, if your gf is going to hinder that then do it while she's not there. Your health and your safety is priority. Get help if you can ❤️",0.9773,positive,neutral 1097,depressed,Why is my call for help ignored,speaker,3,thsnks for the advice this motivation was much needed,0.4118,positive,grateful 1097,depressed,Why is my call for help ignored,speaker,4,thank you i think i'm going to talk to her tonight ,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1097,depressed,Why is my call for help ignored,listener_2,5,I'm so glad! Let me know how it goes. ,0.5551,positive,joyful 1098,depressed,"Depression coming back, other things",speaker,1,"I’m in a weird place right now. My life sucked last year for multiple reasons. I got so depressed that I started taking antidepressants and went to therapy. They did work and 2018 has been mostly good so far. I even followed all the typical advice you here online. Be more social, stay busy, etc… I have, and it was working. But it’s starting to wear off. The same things that triggered it before are starting up again. The main one is college. But I’m trying to deal with that. One weird side effect I’m noticing is that my sex drive has increased. Not just a little, but so much that I’ve been being risker than I’d like to be. I’ve met people online even though it could’ve been a setup. Luckily, they were all honest, and all we did was talk. But this is weirding me out. Has anyone else had their sex drive increase when on antidepressants? How do you deal with that when you’re single? Also, what should I do since I’ve become more active and social but still end up depressed like normal. I don’t know what else to do at this point. ",0.9396,positive,sad 1098,depressed,"Depression coming back, other things",listener_1,2,"What is it about college that gets you down? If your meds aren’t working for you, go back to your doctor. That happened to me and it’s not uncommon. They will just try another. Don’t be surprised if it takes a few tries to find the right one. Everyone is different and your reaction to the meds may be different from someone else. ",0.2263,positive,questioning 1098,depressed,"Depression coming back, other things",speaker,3,The assignments always overwhelm me when I start them. Eventually I can power through them but it's so draining. More so than work even. I'll tell my doctor about it at my next appointment.,-0.09,negative,anxious 1098,depressed,"Depression coming back, other things",listener_1,4,Well hang in there! What are you studying? Is it something you can work with others on? A friend from class perhaps? Sounds like you’re having to work and go to school?,0.8423,positive,suggesting 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,speaker,1,The last day// day and a half have been the anniversary of my last hospitalization (suicide attempt) and I just don't wanna be alone right now? But I am and I haven't even had the motivation to eat or to shower today. Like I know the anniversary effect is real but I thought it wouldn't effect me with this at least. ,0.6085,positive,lonely 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,listener_1,2,"Is there anyone you can reach out to make plans with? Or would you mind going out on your own, like to watch a movie or go bowling? I like doing the latter with headphones on.",0.6662,positive,lonely 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,speaker,3,I'll def look into that. Thank you!! ,0.4738,positive,acknowledging 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,speaker,4,"I hate calling help lines...they don't really do anything but throw you in a psych ward (that's how I got hospitalized last time, and that doesn't help me :/) ",-0.5247,negative,neutral 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,listener_2,5,So how are you feeling today? What has/had you down in the dumps? ,-0.3736,negative,questioning 1099,depressed,Just ranting/ need some cheering up,speaker,6,I'm feeling worse today actually 😅 luckily I have therapy tonight but I woke up to a message from an ex and yeah :/ ,0.2023,positive,annoyed 1100,depressed,When will things get better?,speaker,1,"I feel so lonely today and i just want to call him and ask him to hold me, but he have life and im just nothing but a dust in his life.",-0.2431,negative,lonely 1100,depressed,When will things get better?,listener_1,2,"Get through today, plan for a better tomorrow.",0.4404,positive,hopeful 1100,depressed,When will things get better?,listener_2,3,So what is it(more then one?) that you would like to get better?,0.6966,positive,questioning 1100,depressed,When will things get better?,listener_2,4,Going to take time and effort to change things...the question is...have you reached a place dark enough to motivate you to make the change?,0.4588,positive,questioning 1101,depressed,Please,speaker,1,Kill me now please??? I'm tired of pretending to be ok. I'm not strong enough to kill myself. I have no other options,-0.9436,negative,angry 1101,depressed,Please,listener_1,2,"You ALWAYS have options I also am prepared to die if I have to, but I see no need to. First off go see a Doctor. Stop pretending and make a step, no one can make you take that step...type out ahead of time how you are feeling to clarify your thoughts",-0.7935,negative,apprehensive 1101,depressed,Please,speaker,3,I've tried doctors and stuff before. They just give pills that stop working after awhile. That's why I drink alot now. Oh and I'm from the Caribbean. Doctors here not all that great,-0.6698,negative,apprehensive 1101,depressed,Please,speaker,4,I'm from the Caribbean so that number is not for me. Ppl here tend to avoid me when I express these feelings and doctors just aren't helpful. ,-0.4504,negative,apprehensive 1101,depressed,Please,listener_2,5,"I understand that. I have family from the Caribbean. Most islands have that no such thing as mental illness you just need to get over it mentality. Try the chat, which I also linked, and look up other online mental health chats and therapists.",-0.5994,negative,agreeing 1102,depressed,Depressed but I can't tell anyone,speaker,1,"My wife, my best friend, she left for basic military training, and now I have nothing to hold or anyone to talk to. I go to bed, but can't sleep because I don't have her embrace, nor can I sleep without her voice. I got my first phone call from her today while she's there, and it sounded robotic, like it wasn't even her. I listen to old voicemails she left me, and I break down. I look at photos from before she left and I miss her embrace much more than before. I want to tell my family my true feelings but my father just makes crude jokes about me having other women, which only pisses me off. My older sister and my mother are melodramatic and like to over exaggerate everything. I just feel so alone and trapped. ",-0.4612,negative,sad 1102,depressed,Depressed but I can't tell anyone,listener_1,2,"As someone who's wife died five months ago, I feel your pain. For the first time ever I have started dieting and exercising and it has helped. Plus, she'll be back. Focus on the positive and don't skulk about the house like a ghost. If you have friends to go out and see, see them and talk about it. Stay busy, get active, and talk to her every chance you get. Also, she is robotic sounding because she is exhausted, she is being transformed I to a marine. Stay positive and hang in there. You are not alone!",0.7803,positive,sad 1102,depressed,Depressed but I can't tell anyone,speaker,3,"Yes I'm still married, my wife just left for her basic military training, and this is our first separation",0.4019,positive,faithful 1103,depressed,I feel every bump in the road less traveled,speaker,1,"People will probably say I cause my own problems, which I do for the most part. I mostly just need to vent. So I graduated from highschool 4 years ago and I worked 2 different jobs that I didn't really enjoy. While I was working at my last job, which was 2 years ago, I did odd jobs on the side and everything seemed fine. I ended up quitting my job on not the best terms, but whatever. I started to expand my client list for the side jobs I was doing and it was going pretty well. While I was in the midst of getting my actual business launched I met this girl who meant the world to me. We dated for 8 months and it was great. She ended up breaking up with me in the middle of a road trip we were on together. I was really depressed for 3 months afterwards and kinda ruined my business because of it. I then started trying to straighten things out and move forward, I was still depressed, but knew I had to move on. She texted me almost a year later to say sorry and ask how I'm doing which brought me back into depression. My car ended up breaking down on me and I bought one from my parents for really cheap because it had some issues that I fixed and I was pretty well broke. That car worked awhile and then blew up. So now I'm driving an even crummier car that seems to work fine. I keep having issues with some of my clients because they have me do something, but don't want to pay what I charge. They always end up paying but throw a fit each time which makes it difficult. I flew across the country to help a friend move back home to where I live. He ended up wrecking his car and had to buy a new one, so he couldn't pay me right away for the plane ticket. My bank shut my card off while I was away because of fraudulent charges and I was fed up with all the hectic nonsense that always happens to me so I didn't really do much to try to get home. 2 weeks later I found myself on a plane heading home. I got home and had a stockpile of work to do and I thought I might never catch up. I got caught up relatively quickly. Now income and property tax are due next month, I have to make a payment on my property on the 15th, work slowed down again, and my card is shut off again for fraudulent charges and I can't use my card for 30 days. Im too persistent to quit my business, but it causes so much stress and every day I feel like disappearing. I always find myself in these stupid situations.",-0.9526,negative,ashamed 1103,depressed,I feel every bump in the road less traveled,listener_1,2,damn man and you are still going...many others would have quit already Give your self a big hug lol,0.4939,positive,neutral 1103,depressed,I feel every bump in the road less traveled,speaker,3,"When I get into situations I don't jump in neck deep, I go way over my head. And knowing that most others would have given up by now is what really keeps me going most days. Im just hard headed enough that I can't find it in myself to give up and get a ""normal"" job like everyone else. Thanks for the support!",0.7901,positive,trusting 1103,depressed,I feel every bump in the road less traveled,speaker,4,"That's the problem tho, I don't really want to get a job and be an employee. I really like working on my own and I feel like I have a decent foundation for the business. The main problem is that I try being more flexible than I actually am, and I can't seem to shake my ex out of my head. Thanks for the support though, much apreciated.",0.7759999999999999,positive,grateful 1103,depressed,I feel every bump in the road less traveled,listener_1,5,Be your own boss for as long as u can. Why slave away to put profit in someone elses pocket,0.4404,positive,questioning 1104,depressed,"""Friends""",speaker,1,"I told one of my ""friends"" I was feeling depressed yesterday. They talked about being open to talk and that their house was open to me too whenever. I have yet to hear from them. My first thought is that they're just busy, but I really don't know. See, I tried talking to someone about it. But of course I'm let down as usual. ",0.0387,neutral,disappointed 1104,depressed,"""Friends""",listener_1,2,I have a hard time explaining my depression to my friends too. They don’t know how to respond. I’m not a weak person and being depressed makes me feel worthless. Reddit has really helped and therapy. Just remember you’re not alone in this depression ocean. ,-0.8296,negative,lonely 1104,depressed,"""Friends""",speaker,3,"I regret telling anyone about this and dislike telling anyone at all. I've tried therapy with an extern once or twice, but it just didn't work out then. I may try again soon, if I can make time. ",-0.4019,negative,guilty 1104,depressed,"""Friends""",speaker,4,"Yeah, but this is also one of the same people that really never talked to me during breaks. ",0.1531,positive,neutral 1104,depressed,"""Friends""",listener_2,5,"If you know that, then you probably should have some doubt when they say they will always be available for you. If they haven't had a track record of dependability, you shouldn't expect people to change just cause they say they will.",-0.3612,negative,trusting 1105,depressed,I'm not sure if this is okay to write here but remove it if it is not.,speaker,1,"I'm a little bit drunk but I want to write what I feel here. I have been thinking about killing myself for the past couple of months and to be honest, the more I think about killing myself the more it seems reasonable and is really my way to go. I'm still hanging to life because I believe no matter what happens I have nothing to lose at the moment. This will last for the next 5 months. I can kill myself whenever I want to. So I can stay alive for as long as I want to too. I wanted to get out of this spiral of trying to cut my own wrists or drown myself because it seems painless. I really want to fake an accident and die there where I will be remembered as the good person as I am. it seems I can't continue a full day without thinking about that so how can this be changed. Or should it? it what? Btw I'm while writing this while being really happy because I understand no one can hold that inside and all that shit. But I think someone out there might help me. I just had a little drink with my friends and I'm tired and I will fall asleep and read comments tomorrow.",-0.9757,negative,trusting 1106,depressed,Do you ever feel like you've been given a life sentence?,speaker,1,"Just a few days ago, in a moment of extreme happiness, I told my friend that I was happy I hadn't ended up killing myself. Now, I'm not so sure. I feel like I've been sentenced to live a life of ups and downs and neverending boredom until I finally die either naturally or unfortunately. I can't kill myself. That's just not an option. I've considered my options, and none of them would really work for me. I've held a gun to my head and the feeling alone made me want to throw up. Veins terrify me and I have a low pain tolerance so I don't see myself slitting my wrists. And ODing is too risky and I'm more likely to wake up with some sort of brain issue as a result. Plus, whenever I imagine my mom finding me or hearing about it I can't handle it. I couldn't do that to her. So, I've resolved to try and do what I can with life. Try to fulfill the dreams I had when I was better, and enjoy the up moments. But I can't stand the idea that I will always be juggling with the down moments. It's so boring, waiting to die. It's just a never ending cycle of loneliness, dissatisfaction, and hopelessness. And the worst part is that I know what it feels like to have hope and excitement for your life. I spent my childhood dreaming and planning for adulthood. I wanted to travel the world, be successful, become . a polyglot, write a book, etc. And I still want to do those things. But I feel so deep in this hole that I can't get out. I don't know where to start. But I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to go through the motions, even if I have to go full zombie mode. I don't want to accept that my life will always be this grey and void. ",-0.8788,negative,hopeful 1106,depressed,Do you ever feel like you've been given a life sentence?,listener_1,2,I know this isn't helpful but I feel the exact same way. Like I could have written this. Please pm me if you want to commiserate or encourage each other. ,0.8984,positive,suggesting 1106,depressed,Do you ever feel like you've been given a life sentence?,speaker,3,"Thank you for the suggestions. I’ve been meaning to get back to working on my Spanish, so I’ll probably download duolingo so at least when I’m lying in bed avoiding life, I’m doing something productive, haha. Thankfully, I am going to meet a new psychiatrist this week to discuss my meds, so hopefully I will get that all sorted out. It will never stop amazing me how much the sentence “you are loved” can lift my spirits. Thank you. ",0.7655,positive,hopeful 1106,depressed,Do you ever feel like you've been given a life sentence?,listener_2,4,Something to remind yourself of daily. Even if your brain is telling you it's a lie. Repeat it to yourself. ,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1107,depressed,am i broken ?? like is this the norm,speaker,1,"so basically, chillin’ at school, so much shit is due and everyone around me is either on top of all their work or like panicked as fuck and i’m just sittin’ here, so calm. i don’t know if like i’m broken orrr?? why am i so calm? i should be freaking the fuck out but i’m just in the corner either laughing hysterically or so calm. i am so prepared to fail a good 3/6 subjects 🤘🏼😁✌🏼👍🏼 btw those emojis accurately represent how i feel and what i do as a natural reflex. just casually peace someone while laughing like a crazy person. also, through all of this, i feel like i should at least cry... so like i’m letting out my emotions (oh wait i don’t know what emotions are.. do u?) but i actually just can’t anymore. i think i’m broken for real. i always google how i can self induce a coma or like easy ways to get myself in hospital so i don’t have to be a school. i’m not suicidal or anything, like i’m too scared to do anything, even tho i actually wanna sleep forever and never see the world again or talk to anyone ever again. like ???? what ?? hello? what do i do? i’m BROKEN. i also kinda wish i was dead though, like i don’t wanna be in pain though because i have 0 pain tolerance. i think there is a place where u can get put down like a dog.. but for people. i wanna get that lowkey. don’t be worried about that i’m broke and can’t afford to fly overseas and pay someone to put me down. i’m so brain dead. lately i’ve been referring to myself as a vegetable bc like i just don’t feel emotions anymore? wow i have serious problems and like lowkey don’t know what to do w myself. no one will ever see this but yolo at least i just let all my thoughts out here ✌🏼(would have actually done that in person) it’s just a natural reflex, i told u. wow if someone is reading this and u got this far.. hi, hope you’re having a great day, or morning or like have a good sleep idk. i didn’t mean for this to be so long but i kinda just kept writing shit. yolo bye ✌🏼❤️ ",0.9958,positive,content 1107,depressed,am i broken ?? like is this the norm,listener_1,2,"You probably shouldn't worry about failing classes. It's good to learn how to fail and if you get held back you'll probably feel a little embarrassed about it next year and that's not bad cuz it's part of learning like I said. You're not freaking out because you've accepted the inevitable. Don't worry. About feeling like you want to die though, that's more complicated. Try to find someone to talk to about those feelings. You can call the suicide prevention lifeline (1-800-273-8355). They are there to listen, no judgement or any of that junk. Or if you can find a therapist that you can see a couple times a month that would be great. This is just a section of your life. You're always moving forward. ",0.8136,positive,apprehensive 1107,depressed,am i broken ?? like is this the norm,speaker,3,"thanks heaps, i honestly didn’t think anyone would see this let alone reply. just an update, i cried at school today for the first time in ages and it kinda felt good bc i just let it all out, but i really worried my mum. i’ve told her heaps that i wanna drop out of school and she never really says anything but today she was saying i couldn’t i was just saying how un happy i was.. she then called my school and the councillor came and spoke to me.. oops hahaha but nah i think i’m going to be medicated soon so that might make me feel slightly better?? i don’t really know but thank you for looking out for me, i appreciate it heaps ",0.9577,positive,neutral 1107,depressed,am i broken ?? like is this the norm,speaker,4,"thank u so much <3 at least i know i’m not alone bahaha just getting sick of feeling how i am, like it feels like it won’t ever stop, you feel? ",0.5007,positive,acknowledging 1107,depressed,am i broken ?? like is this the norm,speaker,5,"honestly thank you so much, things have eased a little bit, i was having a rough week and everything was due and it all just built up. i’m still feeling the same though, just less school related stress, but i talked to my mum and i’m going to the doctor so hopefully things start to get better. again, thank you, it means a lot knowing someone actually took the time to reply to this post ",0.94,positive,acknowledging 1108,depressed,Feeling lonely and depressed,speaker,1,"I'm 26 and never had a relationship, only been on ONE date and that was pretty much out of pity. feel unwanted that i'm too ugly for anyone to want me and if no one wants me than who can love me. I've been thinking more and more recently about just ending it all",0.0258,neutral,lonely 1108,depressed,Feeling lonely and depressed,listener_1,2,"Yet you have alot of comment points, so you must be interesting. Are you actively planning self-harm?",0.6124,positive,questioning 1108,depressed,Feeling lonely and depressed,speaker,3,not actively planning it but have noticed that i've begun to fantasize about it,-0.1232,negative,neutral 1108,depressed,Feeling lonely and depressed,listener_1,4,"Fine to think about it of course, cos they are just thoughts, but then see how quickly the thoughts pass by. I also learned to consider my survival instincts.",0.1027,positive,neutral 1109,depressed,"Thought I was doing better, but it's the same.",speaker,1,"Thought I was doing better but now I'm back to that point of ""what's really the point of all this?"". I get it, I need to go to work, work out, eat food, do activities, see friends, ect. I do all of that but there is literally no enjoyment in it- I just have to keep plowing through the day so I can get back to sleep. I wish I could just have a break from myself. Get mentally somewhere where thoughts can't touch me. I had a two weeks where suddenly things seemed to lift- I was feeling good and like maybe there is something nice to life. And now its gone and I don't know why.",0.9539,positive,disappointed 1109,depressed,"Thought I was doing better, but it's the same.",listener_1,2,"This isn’t really helpful, but it may make you feel less alone. You have perfectly described me as well. I only do the work, work out, socialize, raise my kids, because if I didn’t, and i actually slept and did nothing like I’d like to, people would bother me and need to know what’s wrong. That would be worse. I don’t know what’s wrong, so I keep up w the things that are supposed to make me feel alive. Good luck. If I find the cure, I’ll share, I promise. ",0.6763,positive,lonely 1109,depressed,"Thought I was doing better, but it's the same.",speaker,3,"Thanks for your response, it is nice knowing that I'm not alone, although I'm sorry it's happening to you because being like this sucks. I think everyone just has this idea that people with depression just lay in bed all day, but a lot of us are just dragging ourselves through our days. If I laid in bed I'd have to admit to friends/family that things are way worse than they think they are, and also, I sort of need money to have a place to live, so I have to keep chugging away. I've been talking with my doctor for a couple months and she thinks one of my medications stopped working, so she put me on something else, but this isn't working either. I'm thinking about just ponying up the money and paying for that test that tells you via your genes what sort of meds work best for you. Good luck to you as well! If I find the cure, I'll be sure to post",0.9499,positive,sympathizing 1110,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,speaker,1,"I'm 16 and everything has been falling apart in my life, my grades are dropping really fast (i used to have B/A's in almost all my classes and now they are D/C), my social life is also non-existence anymore and that has been for the past 3 years. I really don't know what to do anymore I'm constantly depressed no matter what I do even the sport I loved so much (kickboxing). There has been sometimes that I have been suicidal and wanted to just end it there and just leave everything behind since I really don't have anything to live for. I might as well add that I used to self-harm have been clean for a year but I really have the urge to just do it and I really wanna do some damage. I was also bullied from 4th grade up until 11th grade but it has kinda stopped I guess. ",-0.9238,negative,sad 1110,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_1,2,Cool username atleast. ; ),0.3182,positive,acknowledging 1110,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,speaker,3,"haha thanks, I didn't know what to call my self tho so that's what i decided on using D:",0.8331,positive,neutral 1111,depressed,Is there a term for just...not wanting to be alive but not really suicidal?,speaker,1,"I've been feeling this for a number of years now. In fact, my depression only really seemed to manifest in my later 20's (I'm 30 now). Now, most days I feel like I'm trapped in some sort of stasis. I don't go out unless it's to work or get food, and even though I have lived in a gorgeous city for 4 years (San Francisco), these past 3 years I feel like I have almost exclusively been retracing the same 2 or 3 paths to work or food. And much of my time is spent lamenting the fact that nobody chooses being born. They're just thrust into it and told to deal with all its shittiness and all the hard work you need to do just to stay alive, nevermind ""making something of yourself"". That I, realistically, have to keep living another 40 years is crushing to me, but the weird thing is I'm not suicidal. I don't self-harm, I've never attempted nor do I have the urge to attempt suicide, but I'm just....tired of being alive. I've become very negative as a result when I used to be a rather positive person as a kid and teen/young adult. To myself, I seem like the sort of person who would commit suicide, and that terrifies me. Why don't I feel like living anymore?",-0.9212,negative,lonely 1111,depressed,Is there a term for just...not wanting to be alive but not really suicidal?,listener_1,2,"Honestly, I feel the same way as you. I have tried to end myself but just couldn't. Frankly because I don't have the 'courage'. I lament day and night thinking whether I show continue this thing called 'life'. Everyday seems and feels the same. Somedays I wake up without feeling sorrow but that's just temporary. I can't explain why you don't want to live anymore but to survive in this world you need something or someone to support you ( emotionally ). Try getting a pet, if and if only you can take care of it properly. They tend to bring joy into people's lives. Other than that, do something you always wanted to do but were scared to ( excluding suicide ). Think about the last thing that brought you unadulterated joy and try to regain it. Or just pretend to be happy and one day you'll forget you are pretending.",0.8475,positive,lonely 1111,depressed,Is there a term for just...not wanting to be alive but not really suicidal?,listener_2,3,Yep we all feel this way. I don't think i'd be here without my puppers.,0.29600000000000004,positive,grateful 1111,depressed,Is there a term for just...not wanting to be alive but not really suicidal?,listener_2,4,Yep we all feel this way. I don't think i'd be here without my puppers.,0.29600000000000004,positive,grateful 1111,depressed,Is there a term for just...not wanting to be alive but not really suicidal?,speaker,5,Thank you. Now I can vocalize this when I choose to pursue treatment,0.3612,positive,grateful 1112,depressed,unimportant.,speaker,1,"i'm 19. i've been on Venlafaxine for my depression and anxiety from aug. 2017 to feb. 2018. i was pregnant and got an abortion within 7 or 8 weeks, and experienced morning sickness. i'm toxic. my personality is shit, but i look attractive to most people. i have a boyfriend and he frequents reddit, but i hope he doesn't see this. (simply because i don't want to look pathetic or weak in his eyes.) i love him a lot, but i insult him a lot and i'm surprised he's still around. i don't mean to insult him harshly, its as a joke most of the time. when i get angry and flustered, i lash out. soon after my little temper tantrum, i'll regret everything and lose whatever and whoever was involved. i live with my dad and brother, and have been since 9 or 10 years ago when my mom left us. my dad is easily irritable, he will yell at us and insult us. i've been suicidal since grade 9. i could never end my own life, but the suicidal thoughts haven't left my mind. i'm basically like my dad, and i'm not proud of it. i don't want to be like him, i want to be my own person and be able to relieve my anxiety and anger in a healthy manner. i've thought about hurting myself but i know it gets me no where, but i'll often do it if i'm way beyond reasoning with myself. i have no friends in town or in the city nearby. i have 2 Californian friends. one is an artist like me, and the other is my 'mom'. he's not a chick, but he loves me and used to make sure i was okay and knew how to comfort me during my highschool depression. i had a bestfriend, but she left because i didn't like the way she'd obey her boyfriend and heed his every word. (it was really disgusting.) i like to draw, sometimes. my art skills got me into uni right after high school, and i dropped out once the year was over. i was in a toxic relationship, and it wasn't on my part at all (SURPRISINGLY??) he cheated on me with girls online, sent out my nudes to his online ""friends"", and made me feel like shit 100% of the time. he's lied countless times to my face, and used me for my body. don't worry; he lives in his mom's basement still, he's 18 and unemployed, barely goes to high school anymore, and he's found another chick to fuck over. he managed to cheat on her with me. he told me that she couldn't date him anymore because of the distance, then we fucked. next day, i ask the chick if they're dating still. they were, and i dropped the shit on her. she said i was lying and just wanted him back. i didn't, at all. i just wanted sex. i worked at a hotel during the summer of 2017. the HR guy was really nice to me and helped me out with my application. i got a call the next day, and i was hired. that was my first job, ever. one week in, and i had an anxiety attack. i was staring at myself in the mirror while cleaning the sink. the awful, self-doubting thoughts came in. ""no one fucking loves you, you're going to fail your boss, you're going to be alone forever."" i couldn't finish the room, i took my cart downstairs and tried to calm myself down by taking deep breaths. the elevator doors open and the first person i see is the guy i went to orientation with, and he asks me, ""hey, how's your day going so far?"" i fucking broke down crying and just shrugged and he took me to the staircase to talk. he couldn't help me out, he just had this soft voice and constantly looked at me. wouldn't take his eyes off of me, my fucking nose was leaking, i looked like shit. i was gulping for air, i couldn't breathe. my boss found us, and took me to her office. she shut the door and sat down to talk to me. ""you need to go home. take the day off, and come back tomorrow. if you can't, then call me and let me know you need a week off."" i drove home, hitting 130km/h. i'm bawling my eyes out and i'm talking to myself. hitting the steering wheel in frustration, because i know my dad's going to be fucking pissed that i can't keep a goddamn job. i tried staying calm by blasting some Opeth or Soundgarden, but that didn't help much. i got home and walked to my room, closed and locked the door. close the curtains, and fall back on my bed. i turn off my phone and pass the fuck out. i woke up 5 hours later, i walk out to the garage and i talk with my dad. i told him i broke down crying while working, and my boss sent me home. ""why?"" ""because life is starting to go to shit, i won't find another person to truly cherish, and no one cares about how i feel."" ""life isn't easy, sweetheart. get used to it. you better go back to work soon, or else you'll fucking get fired."" i left to go back into the house, crying again. (i get that life is really hard, but its very frustrating when i can't get help with it or even have someone listen to me and sympathize with me. my boyfriend ignores my messages when i feel bad for myself and just leaves me on read. especially when its a horrible night and i become suicidal. i don't want to leave him for that. he's the best thing that's ever happened to me.) nonetheless, i stayed at home for a week and did nothing. played Fallout NV, smoked pot, and slept it off. thats my solution for times like these. video games, watch anime, smoke grass, sleep, or just listen to music. but it gets worse every night. i don't know what to do. i don't want to go on meds, again. i hated taking them, the withdrawals were awful and i couldn't get a good high anymore. i've seen a few counselors. one in middle school, 4 in high school, and one over the phone a month ago. none of them helped out so much. i have not seen a therapist yet, and i've asked for one so many times. i'm so fucking lonely. i hate myself most days, and i just want to disappear. ((sorry if this was too long to read. i needed to get some stuff off of my chest. :c))",-0.9994,negative,neutral 1112,depressed,unimportant.,listener_1,2,You need to talk to people more. I know they hurt you a lot but you have to open up to the right people. If you love your bf then spent some quality time with him and open the fuck up about your feelings ( slowly ). I know exactly how you feel and I have been on the opposite side of some toxic relationships. Where I used to get berated and treated like rat shit. I also wanted to disappear forever but that's not the solution. People are there for you including me. I like your music choice and the way you spend your down time is exactly the same as mine. Just focus on yourself. You can be great 👍,0.5118,positive,agreeing 1112,depressed,unimportant.,speaker,3,"thank you. 😊 thing is, my bf doesn't know how to make me feel better after i rant, or does what girls do. sympathize with me n shit. i liked that, over the usual ""life is hard, get used to it"" shit.",0.4939,positive,neutral 1112,depressed,unimportant.,listener_2,4,How do you suggest he should try to make you feel better? Any tips for him?,0.504,positive,questioning 1112,depressed,unimportant.,speaker,5,"i'm more of a physical person. i really like having my hair played with, or just being held while i talk about some things that bother me. i dunno. i don't think he wants to be around me any longer. i'm too much of a burden.",-0.0276,neutral,neutral 1112,depressed,unimportant.,listener_2,6,"You could also talk to your bf about it and communicate your wants to him. If he wants to go, let him. Not everyone can understand the gravity of such a situation and not everyone has signed up for it you know. If you're lucky you might find someone who'd understand you and be there the way you want. ",0.4767,positive,suggesting 1112,depressed,unimportant.,speaker,7,"true. i think if he wanted to leave, i might just let go. i've been hurting him lately, and i don't want to anymore. i want to appreciate him and let him know i love him despite being an awful person. its rare to find someone who can even give a shit about you.",0.6964,positive,neutral 1112,depressed,unimportant.,listener_2,8,"Yes, it's rare. Often communication works but if it's time to let go you should. ",0.2144,positive,neutral 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,1,"Kill me now please. I can't take it anymore. Too weak to take my life. To weak to want to live. I'm a mess. I love her. I can't. I have nothing. I'm drinking but I'm still sad. There is no hope for me. Please anyone, it's like living in continuous torment.",-0.6321,negative,devastated 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_1,2,"No feeling is permanent, because I know once you’ve felt happy, I know once you’ve felt free, and I know you’ve felt psychic pain but none of them last forever ",0.2881,positive,neutral 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,3,"You are right but I feel the psychic torment more often. It feels like it's always there. It's just pain, always.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_1,4,"When you’re happy you can’t imagine not being anything other than purely content, or like when you’re full you can’t really imagine what it’s like to be hungry. Right now you’re in a space where nothing but the misery exists but you’re not going to be there forever. I promise. ",0.8985,positive,content 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,5,I hope you're right and this is just a temporary psychological response. But I'm gonna see her again and I'm gonna think about her. After that all I'll want to do is die,-0.6059,negative,consoling 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,6,Hey thanks. I tried going by a lake for a few days. Kinda helped. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_2,7,"Keep it up. Do more for yourself. Others can take care of themselves for a bit. Think about what you can do, that just benefits you. Sometimes we need to be a bit selfish, take care of ourselves, before we can do good for others. And if you need something that you can’t figure out how to do on your own, or just want help with, ASK! We are here for you, so there is someone out there who can help. ",0.9299,positive,trusting 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,8,Well I'm still alive soo.....pretty messed up. Not drunk yet so I've got that to look forward to :). And You?,0.5165,positive,questioning 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_2,9,Same! I refuse to feel broken. We are all flawed in some way. So going as well as anyone else. Doing my best not to get too angry or emotional today. ,-0.5898,negative,faithful 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,10,"Best wishes in that area. If I cud control my emotions, that wud be awesome. What stuff you do to control?",0.872,positive,wishing 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,11,Nice I do the walking and I listen to music. Helps me cope a little.,0.6597,positive,content 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,12,I talk to strangers. Apparently I'm fun. Idk cuz I'm drunk when that happens :),0.5423,positive,embarrassed 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_2,13,"Hey! Me too! Though most of the time I prefer books to people. I like online games, coffee shops, and hipster bars to get my fill of human interaction. Lol",0.7081,positive,agreeing 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,14,Thanks :) You're awesome ,0.875,positive,acknowledging 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,15,I play alot of video games as well. But my best times are when I'm drunk. I actually smile and sleep ,0.8481,positive,joyful 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_3,16,"Hey, hopeless\_spirit, just a quick heads-up: **alot** is actually spelled **a lot**. You can remember it by **it is one lot, 'a lot'**. Have a nice day! ^^^^The ^^^^parent ^^^^commenter ^^^^can ^^^^reply ^^^^with ^^^^'delete' ^^^^to ^^^^delete ^^^^this ^^^^comment.",0.4753,positive,wishing 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,listener_2,17,Stupid bot,-0.5267,negative,annoyed 1113,depressed,Those thoughts,speaker,18,delete,0.0,neutral,questioning 1114,depressed,"Don't want to annoy anyone, just kinda want to get this out.",speaker,1,"So I've been depressed for roughly 9 or 10 years now but it hasn't ever been as bad as it is now. I just turned 20 and I just feel alone, I feel like I'm just a burden on my best friend for always messing things up. I feel like I'm a loser because I just seem to fail at almost every major thing I do in life. I don't want to kill myself or hurt myself. I really want to help people but I feel like I need to fix myself before I can do that. Another big contribution to the reason I feel this way is that I just can't seem to get in a committed relationship. I mean I don't have trouble talking to people when I do talk I'm just normally quiet. I've been trying out tinder for a while and I've pretty much just ended up getting hurt when people lose interest in a week or two. It's honestly making me feel like I'm broken and unwanted. I see all my friends with their girlfriends or sleeping around and I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of life (even though my friends say I'm not.) I know I can't rely on someone else to make me happy, I have to be happy with myself, but because of the environment I grew up in I made myself feel happy by helping others with their relationships and personal problems. Sorry about this being a mile long, I know other people are dealing with so much more for anyone to care but I'm just putting this out. I feel like I ruin every relationship I've been in and I get so attached that moving on (deleting photos, talking to new people, ect.) just hurts and a little piece of me always hopes they come back. I don't want to quit trying to date but I feel like there's nothing about me that anyone could like. I feel like there's no reason for me to be here anymore. Everyone else seems to have their life managed and are happy but I'm falling apart and I feel like a burden on everyone around me for letting it show. Sorry if I posted this in the wrong place. I just made an account today. ",0.991,positive,lonely 1114,depressed,"Don't want to annoy anyone, just kinda want to get this out.",listener_1,2,"I hope you find a supportive community that hears you and can empathize and offer support. I'm 30 and am struggling with similar issues. That's not to say that this won't get better for you but all I can tell you is that healing from these kind of wounds is a journey. Also, it might do you some good to find meaningful work, even if it's volunteering or trying a couple new things to bolster a sense of accomplishment. By the time you're my age you'll realize that people lose interest and it's not really about you. But I can only tell you, you'll have to understand that through enough trial and error. Fuck, parts of me still don't get that but hey, gotta try. Resilience isn't about how fast you get back up.",-0.0652,negative,consoling 1114,depressed,"Don't want to annoy anyone, just kinda want to get this out.",speaker,3,"I've actually been considering volunteering somewhere over the summer and I'm sure that might help snap me out of this state of mind. Thanks man it's not stupid at all, I appreciate the feedback. ",0.9077,positive,suggesting 1115,depressed,This is it.,speaker,1,"I really just don’t want to be alive anymore. After so long, I thought I was better. I thought I got over the urgency to be gone - but here I am, back at the start again. I’ve said this to myself a few times, well, many times before, but I know this time I really mean it. I think this is it. I know I don’t want to be here anymore, I’m worthless. My existence means nothing. I know my ‘friends’ wouldn’t feel down about it, they don’t even care when I’m not in school. It would be no different without me. They’d be glad I’m gone. My parents, however, that’s another story. They’d be angry, disappointed. They’d continue to think that I’m selfish - which my mum constantly reminds me that that’s what I am. Selfish. But hey - if I felt loved, if I felt like people wanted me around, I wouldn’t feel like this. So clearly, my death wouldn’t have such an impact. Who knows what happens now, but I think this is it. I think I’ll finally do it. Why not? This may be the last thing I ever write, the last thing I ever type. I don’t care anymore. This is it. ",0.6458,positive,sad 1115,depressed,This is it.,listener_1,2,Hope you are still with us; please post again about how you may have climbed out of the cavern of depressive thoughts.,0.3818,positive,consoling 1115,depressed,This is it.,speaker,3,"Well, I don’t know if it was anything on my part, or anything on anyone’s else’s part, but gradually, all those suicidal thoughts began to escape my head, you know? I started enjoying things again that I had lost interest in due to how I felt before. These were things like drawing, playing video games, playing my instruments etc. Music played a big part, actually. I’m sure you’ve heard of the rapper ‘Logic’. I started to get into him when his song ‘1-800-273-8255’ was first released. The moment after I heard that song, I immediately felt some sort of a connection with the artist. I listened to more songs off that album, where he would talk about his anxiety attacks and things like that. It felt like he was speaking directly to me. I started listening to more of his songs, looking into him himself, and discovered that he has, and still is going through similar things to me. I won’t go into to any further detail, but he definitely played a huge role in my recovery. Music in general did. However, Logic was my very recent saviour. A band called ‘Bring me he Horizon’ also helped in my recovery, but that was a few years ago. Much before I discovered Logic. But yeah, that’s it. ",0.9792,positive,joyful 1115,depressed,This is it.,listener_1,4,Since you posted here though? Or before? I am confused about the timeline.,-0.3939,negative,questioning 1115,depressed,This is it.,speaker,5,"Sorry, this was before I posted on here. ",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,1,"I'm training for crisis text line and I'm hating some of their rules for helping texters. They're trying to make me talk like a robot instead of an actual person someone could relate to. Like you can't talk about yourself even if the texter asks (which makes no sense since we're trying to make them feel less alone). And you're supposed to mirror back to them how they feel ""instead of parroting"" but it's still pretty much just parroting in the examples they give because they say how the texter feels right after they do which doesn't add anything. And you have to give complements that are true but the examples feel so ingenuine ex.:Your willingness to reach out for help is truly inspiring. I had to watch a video of an actual CTL conversation and if I was that texter I wouldn't have felt uplifted at all (but that texter did feel better at the end so maybe the people who use CTL are the easiest to help I don't know). Has anyone used CTL or anything like it and what do you like/not like about it because I want to try to get them to change their rules.",0.9904,positive,annoyed 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,listener_1,2,"Never texted, but called a hotline 10 years ago. It was not awful, but it wasn't good. I felt like the guy thought I wasn't serious and dismissed it as ""drama"" between girls. Basically told me he'd call me the next day and I needed to pick up the phone and not to kill myself. Alrighty then... Thru the phone I felt like he had a checklist and was just ticking off the boxes of what he had done. No warmth, no sympathy, no anything but ""yeah don't kill yourself, I'm sure there's something to live for, i'll call you tomorrow"". The follow-up call wasn't even him, it was another guy who was just like ""Oh good you picked up."" and then he said to call if I needed help again and that was it. Never called one again. Didn't see the point to it. Maybe it helps some people or maybe this guy was having a rough day or maybe my problems just weren't big enough for him to pretend to care. Who knows. Went and found myself a therapist used to dealing with upper middle class women and their problems. Yes, clearly there are people in the world with way bigger issues than mine, but that doesn't mean I don't count. My brain is constantly informing me how much I suck, I don't need a hotline to make me feel worse. So, I guess my suggestion is to listen and realize that just because you might not think someone is really having a rough time because of everything else you've heard, they might not be able to cope with it. And you can't control your brain- if it tells you you suck, it doesn't matter what level income you have, you're still miserable. ",0.9725,positive,trusting 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,3,"That hotline sounds even worse than CTL. I feel like most of the CTL volunteers really do care but are only allowed to do so much which is really frustrating. Sorry you had a bad experience. How are you doing now? What do you think of your therapy? I started going to therapy a few weeks ago. I didn't/don't think of my therapist as someone who can help me solve my problems, just as someone who gets paid to be my friend LOL. You're right about your feelings being just as real even if they're just in your brain. I don't think people should be allowed to be therapists, CTL counselors, etc. unless they've been through depression, anxiety, PTSD, or something.",-0.7293,negative,questioning 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,listener_1,4,"I'm actually doing pretty good now! At the time I had no idea what was going on and shortly after made an appointment to see a doctor who sorted it out and got me on medications. I still play a lot of the ""find the right medication"" game but overall pretty evened out now. I really like my therapist! I initially saw her every other week and now only do once a month. I learned a lot of the coping mechanisms so now it's pretty much because I like having someone to tell things to. I feel a lot better when I get things off my chest and it's good to have a monthly check in in case something starts going awry. ",0.9824,positive,content 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,5,"I know that's why you're supposed to not talk about yourself. And I disagree about it taking the focus off the texter. If I was the one texting in I would want to know if the crisis counselor has gone through something similar to me. As long as you don't push your own experiences and solutions on the texter I see nothing wrong with saying something about yourself if it comes up. As for helping them solve their problems, some of them actually want that because they don't know at all what to do. If I'm allowed to I'll ask at the start of the conversation if they need help or want to just vent. YES, there should be rules in place but talking like you're reading a script is going overboard and probably does a lot more harm than good.",0.5789,positive,agreeing 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,listener_2,6,"It really doesn't do more harm than good. Like, I am a ""listen to me don't try to solve my problem"" person, so my opinion is wildly different from yours, but you listening and not offering a ""solution"" is truly the best way you could help a person like me. And you legitimately *can't* fix the life of a person you don't know so offering solutions is absolutely useless to them. You don't know what they have and haven't tried, what resources they have or don't have access to. And honestly...if I'm in a crisis situation I don't really care what your life story is. Don't burden me with it.",0.8292,positive,agreeing 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,7,"I too am a ""listen to me don't try to solve my problem"" person. That doesn't mean everyone else is especially if they're in a crisis situation. Offering solutions is not useless. That's why you ask them what they have and haven't tried and what resources they have access to. ",-0.6553,negative,agreeing 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,8,"What's peer counseling? In CTL my coach said I wasn't following the guidelines so it's really frustrating and no one's listening to me when I say the rules should be changed. I don't think the founder of CTL even has a degree in mental health. If I remember correctly, 87% of texters are satisfied after the conversation which means 13% are not which in my opinion is A LOT and someone should change that. At the very least I want them to make it so only people with a degree in mental health can become/stay crisis counselors even though that would exclude me.",-0.8204,negative,angry 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,listener_3,9,"Damn, hearing how passionate you are about helping people is seriously so awesome! The world could use more people like you. Sounds like CTL may not be right for you atm, but with that much drive I'm sure you'll find your own path where you can make a big difference in people's lives. I have a lot to say about your reply, but I don't know where to start and have a feeling it won't be helpful. &nbsp; It can definitely be frustrating when we try to control the things that aren't in our control; I slip up and do it all the time and it's the bane of my existence. My suggestion is that it might be helpful to drop CTL and explore different volunteer avenues to see if you keep running into the same problem. If you don't then great, you've found a better fit; if you do, then you may be the common denominator ",0.8027,positive,impressed 1116,depressed,I can't stand CTL right now,speaker,10,I don't think CTL is right for me either but I committed myself to however many hours (200?) and that's just what I'm going to do. I've been having technical difficulties with CTL and in the meantime I've been reaching out to people on r/suicidewatch and I'm liking that better than CTL. I don't know if I've made a difference but I know all it takes is one conversation to make it all worth it.,0.8957,positive,trusting 1117,depressed,Work is affecting my mental health,speaker,1,"Work has been causing me stress and anxiety, I want to quit but I can’t because I need the money to help pay for bills. I’ve been applying to other places but unfortunately no luck as a lot of places are not even hiring at the moment (as I’ve been told) every time I follow up. I signed up for the gym so I really hope that helps but every day I wake up with anxiety and high levels of stress to the point where it even affects my work performance I was written up yesterday because of it. I tried explaining myself but the manager didn’t care. I honestly don’t know what to do or how to cope I need help please and thank you. ",0.9539,positive,disappointed 1117,depressed,Work is affecting my mental health,listener_1,2,First of all they shouldnt have written you up. They need to be more understanding. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all this crap. No one enjoys the ups and downs both depression and anxiety bring. I’m in the same boat in some ways but I can’t quit as my boss is a close family friend. I honestly started to bring things that smell good and sniffing them when I’m stressed. When I’m feeling depressed I look at google maps at a place I’ve never been. I take it hour by hour and fake knowing what I’m doing most days. I also use reddit as a way to unwind. Its about finding what works for you. The oils and lotion helps a lot. If You smell oranges or citrus it is said to help lift your spirits. Give it a go. ,0.4053,positive,caring 1117,depressed,Work is affecting my mental health,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your reply, I really do appreciate it! Honestly sometimes I wonder how I even ended up here but still hopeful something good will come along the way. I went to the gym today which helped so I’m hoping if I’m consistent with it. My job will feel more bearable until I find something better. I wish I could quit but I have to toughen it out because it helps knowing this job won’t be forever, thanks again and god bless. ",0.9903,positive,hopeful 1118,depressed,feeling lonely and depressed,speaker,1,"sorry this is long need someone to listen. just made this account in an attempt for someone to see this. idek I feel so empty. I feel so so lonely. I have no real friends who really care about me. No one ever initiates anything, it’s always me. It’s like they couldn’t care less about me. I’m so lonely, I hate myself for it, it’s my fault anyway. I’m homeschooled bc of stupid social anxiety bc I just cried all the time at school and couldn’t handle it. I’m almost 18 and have never felt so depressed. I’ve had the urge to cut myself for the first time in my life. Don’t know if I’m gonna do it. I can’t tell anyone how I’m feeling not even my mother. My older sister used to be anorexic, depressed, suicidal. I blame her secretly for some of my issues. I was exposed to all of this crap at an early age. When I was 11 I saw on a piece of paper that she had tried to kill herself earlier with drops of her blood on it. It makes me angry at her now, even tho she’s better now. It’s selfish of me to have my mom have both children be so messed up. I just really need someone who actually cares about me. Someone who is asking how I’m doing instead of the other way around. No one cares, I’m such a piece of shit. ",-0.995,negative,lonely 1118,depressed,feeling lonely and depressed,listener_1,2,"You are definitely not a piece of shit! Don’t think that about you, you have emotions like everyone else. You’re not alone, there are a lot of us going through a lot of bad times. We can only do the best we can. I completely understand how you must feel when you are the one always initiating something. It feels like they only talk back because you started it or that they don’t care enough to do it first, my advice to you would be to not think too much about this, find something that entertains you. Music, anime, writing. Anything that will distract your mind. Don’t cut yourself please, emotions can be hard to control it sucks, but everything in life is how you take it and what you do with it. Don’t keep bad energy in your heart don’t blame people and live with hate, just do the best you can, focus your energy in something good for you, you can do it, you’re not alone there are a lot of us fighting our own battles ",0.7288,positive,agreeing 1118,depressed,feeling lonely and depressed,speaker,3,"Finally decided to reply to the comments. I do appreciate the nice words. Still feeling really shitty. I don’t leave my house a lot, probably makes me feel more depressed. I don’t like to go out by myself bc of my social anxiety. It’s not as bad when I’m with someone but I have fucking no friends who want to be with me. Decided not to cut myself, I still want to. I have a constant urge to. Thanks for trying to help. ",0.8269,positive,lonely 1118,depressed,feeling lonely and depressed,speaker,4,I was going to a therapist for a while then I missed one appointment and never went back.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,ashamed 1118,depressed,feeling lonely and depressed,listener_2,5,"alas,i really find that death is the only resort.",-0.6326,negative,neutral 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,speaker,1,"I’m 17, just started uni, and am the most fucking socially awkward and anxious and depressed human being. I feel like my life is going nowhere and I just hope that I get sick and die or die in a car accident or could just erase my entire fucking existence so I don’t hurt my family. I don’t know what to do.",-0.9633,negative,devastated 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,listener_1,2,Join the military.,0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,speaker,3,"Hahahahahaha what I could not join the military, but thanks for the suggestion",0.5277,positive,neutral 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,speaker,4,Problem is that I am absolutely not the sort of person who could join the military. And I have absolutely no desire to either. Plus what makes you think the military is actually good for mental health? Thanks for comment though ,0.469,positive,questioning 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,listener_1,5,"The military forces you to make friends lol. But just sit down one day, write down your likes, then go on Facebook or your local city's event page and look for events with those likes you'll meet people there ...have you smoked weed? Smoke it maybe twice or three times, it might give you a different outlook of the world. You don't have to smoke a lot. Don't drink alcohol though lol.",0.9331,positive,suggesting 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,listener_2,6,"Active distraction, you get to meet a lot of new people and you travel all for free. When you get our they'll pay for you schooling ",0.4588,positive,joyful 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,listener_3,7,"There's a whole world of friendship awaiting you there in school my dear, right there. And good friends too..",0.8885,positive,joyful 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,speaker,8,"Thanks your comment actually made me feel so much better. Everyone has been telling me to join societies so I probably should, and I guess even if I don’t make friends at least it’s some social interaction. I wish I could just be a hermit with no friends but even the most closed off people still need social interactions for their mental health soooo. Anyway thanks ",0.8629,positive,acknowledging 1119,depressed,I just need a friend,listener_4,9,"Getting friends who you care for and actually want to be around is pretty hard, for me at least. I find that everyone I consider my friend are just people I hang out with so I don't look like a loner. I think it matters not so much being in university since you can literally be alone and nobody will judge you at all which is why I like it so much. If making friends isn't your thing then I wouldn't go as far into making them and making it a top priority in your life. I understand that you said it might be beneficial to your mental health, but I have personally found that friends literally get in the way of everything. If it was socially acceptable to be alone then I would but the fact that it actually feels shit being alone kind of sucks as well so it's a lose lose. I say join the societies and see how interactions go but stay true to yourself and don't feel the need to get out of your comfort zone just to please people. I left my first university because of this issue. I literally tried so hard to make friends and literally became a different person and in the end I just left after 3 weeks because I still had no friends and I picked up an alcohol addiction. Let people come to you and just be yourself. The second chance I got at uni was so much better because as uncomfortable as it was the first week, after socialising with people I actually felt better about myself. Another tip is join the society that your course is about because they can usually help you out with your work etc and professors actually respect you even more for it. Hope this helps let me know how you get on.",0.9872,positive,lonely 1120,depressed,I have very bad depression,speaker,1,"For over 9 years (being a 17yr old guy) I have had severe depression. I have tried committing suicide 30+ times and think about it most days. No one around me knows how to deal with it and make it worse sometimes; I love them still but it is hard to justify living. What can I do? I just am a mistake, a wast of space, and someone who should die. This describes how I feel a bit https://youtu.be/-kv10eAxJiM",-0.9431,negative,sad 1120,depressed,I have very bad depression,listener_1,2,Are you in therapy? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1120,depressed,I have very bad depression,speaker,3,"Only since last year, most of my life I have kept it inside, hell, only reason I can say all this because of animosity ",-0.8176,negative,lonely 1121,depressed,"It was my birthday today. And, my best friend forgot, again.",speaker,1,"Actually had a great birthday. House Sitting, so, I have free time to de-stress. Was taken to dinner with family. Really, really nice time. But, my best friend hasn't called or text. Last year, my birthday was hidden, and he and I talked later and he felt bad. So, I made sure my birthday was visible this year. Didn't hear from. He has a very busy job, so, I wasn't exactly botthered by it until I saw that he was online. So, I'm sure he's gotten the notification it's my birthday... Abd before anyone asks, we spoke just a few weeks ago and everything was fine. So... I don't know. I had the best day and then not hearing from him really dampers it.",0.9779,positive,disappointed 1121,depressed,"It was my birthday today. And, my best friend forgot, again.",listener_1,2,This is why I don't have best friends,-0.7115,negative,lonely 1121,depressed,"It was my birthday today. And, my best friend forgot, again.",speaker,3,"Yeah, the thing was though he was on FB, and they throw it in your face. But, he is busy, so, it looks like he just forgot. I make it a point to remember birthdays but I understand not everyone does. But, hopefully he'll remember next year. ",0.8126,positive,neutral 1121,depressed,"It was my birthday today. And, my best friend forgot, again.",speaker,4,"Ah, well, I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't have many friennds but I still got out with family. I'm sad that you haven't celebrated your birthday for six years. No one should ever be in that position. I hope you have a better day today.",-0.4577,negative,sympathizing 1121,depressed,"It was my birthday today. And, my best friend forgot, again.",listener_2,5,">I'm sad Here are a few funny [cat pictures](https://imgur.com/a/eqX4F) for you /u/misterlonely411, to cheer you up! ___ ^^hello, ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot ^^and ^^this ^^action ^^was ^^performed ^^automatically ^^for ^^questions ^^pm ^^me ^^[source](https://github.com/maumau35/2400gbot)",0.5255,positive,acknowledging 1122,depressed,Why I’m depressed.,speaker,1,"2 things. Undertale(we all have our reasons) and the FUCKING WORLD AROUND ME. Almost everyday, I have to deal with the BS fact that around the world, people are doing bad things bc they like it and people not using common sense and RUINING FUCKING EVERYTHING. My “friends” talk to me only bc I’m the one who keeps them from being bored and doesn’t care bout anyone but themselves. I’m tired of doing the same fucking thing everyday and knowing I have to do it for a long time drives me insane. Sometimes I want to end it all and try out death, but the idea of death gets in my mind, it scares the living shit out of me. I rely on Porn and Memes to snap me out of my depressed moods. I hate how my generation does the most pointless things such as playing Fortnite and do snapperchat instead of doing important things like studying or doing homework. In fact, this generation is becoming dumber. A few of my “friends” forgot how to read a fucking clock. A FUCKING CLOCK. This is why IM FUCKING DEPRESSED. Sorry I had to get this out. Ignore this if u want.",-0.9941,negative,annoyed 1122,depressed,Why I’m depressed.,listener_1,2,"You are right about the generation getting dumber (or at least our previous generation). Have you considered that you might actually be smarter than your surroundings? You might be a genius, but your social media likes don’t say you are, lol",0.8248,positive,agreeing 1122,depressed,Why I’m depressed.,speaker,3,Long story. Really don’t want to explain ,0.1477,positive,anxious 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,speaker,1,"I've suffered with depression for years. It gets better, then it goes downhill again. I'm on medication for it, but I'm not convinced they're working. I want to quit my jobs, I want to just stay in bed all day. I want to move away from everyone I know. I just don't want to live this life anymore. It's utterly draining. What's the point of it? I don't have any friends, I don't have a career. I can't even get my degree finished because I can barely make it out of bed, let alone complete my assignments. I just want it all to stop. I want to cry and sleep and just give up. ",-0.9355,negative,lonely 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,listener_1,2,How long have you been on your current medication?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,speaker,3,About 2 months. I’m running out so I’m due to go back to the doctors soon. ,0.0,neutral,anticipating 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,listener_1,4,"Seems like it should be working as determined by its advertising...I dunno the med, but I can't think of any psych med which should take 2 months to get going in the system.",0.3506,positive,acknowledging 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,speaker,5,"I was on a different one before but a much lower dosage so I upped to this one. Might have to up the dosage again maybe? I just feel like nothing is gonna help. And I’m worried about work tomorrow cos I really don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna get up and get ready and stand there for 12hours but I’m worried if I call in sick they’ll have a go or give me awful shifts or not accept that I’m sick or something ",-0.966,negative,apprehensive 1123,depressed,I just wanna give up.,listener_1,6,"I say go to work, do your best, and remember you are earning money. I am retired, but in previous years, I dealt with my mental disorders by saying to myself ""...I just have to show up, hang around for 8 or 9 hours, do the job, and then leave"".",0.3182,positive,faithful 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,speaker,1,"I've felt this way since I started middle school. I'm 17 now and I just feel so numb and tired all the time. I'm sure all I can truly feel is sadness and a deep longing to die. Nothing's ever good enough for me, not even myself. I know I shouldn't be depressed because I'm in a relatively good situation in my life, but I really just want to die but I know I'm too much of a pussy to go through with it. I put on a facade almost everyday to hide anything from my family and friends, but it gets so tiring. I wonder some times what my life would be like if I never was depressed.",0.6785,positive,sad 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,listener_1,2,Do you have any physiological conditions which happen to produce depressive symptoms? I have an abnormal thyroid and some cardio problems which produce persistent depression.,-0.8402,negative,questioning 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,speaker,3,No I don't. I've just been like this.,0.0772,positive,neutral 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,listener_1,4,Are your survival instincts strong? I would tap into them.,0.5106,positive,questioning 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,speaker,5,"I'm sorry and I don't mean to be rude, but I don't understand what that has to do with my situation. To answer your question though, I don't think I do.",-0.2846,negative,sympathizing 1124,depressed,I've been depressed for so long that I feel numb,listener_1,6,"From personal experience with depression, I found my survival instincts were relatively intact, and maybe that is why I have not attempted suicide in a long while.",0.1754,positive,surprised 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,speaker,1,I was doing better I got my life together and I got back into going to school. I got a boyfriend. Went to counselling. And then boom my mood dropped I've been having thoughts of cutting and suicide I have breakdown daily. I don't want to wake up anymore I want to just pass in my sleep. The only thing keeping me here is the fact that I promised my boyfriend I would never hurt him. ,0.308,positive,faithful 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,listener_1,2,Any other parts of your life which you can focus on as reasons to live?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,speaker,3,Not really. I don't have a lot going on for me,0.0,neutral,content 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,speaker,4,I do. He's so great,0.7384,positive,grateful 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,listener_2,5,"People on this forum often say, ""the only reason Im still here..."" and then mention a loved one. I think having a loved one is a pretty good reason. Especially one who you think is great. Hope things get better for you.",0.9744,positive,trusting 1125,depressed,I was doing so good,speaker,6,Thank you ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1126,depressed,Am I Depressed?,speaker,1,"Hi. [nearly 18] sorry it’s so long. I’ve been trying to figure out what’s been going on with me for a while. Typically, on the outside, I can be ok. I can smile, laugh, chat, make jokes. Be a regular happy person. I feel good at times. Especially if I’m around people that make me happy- a small number. But then I get home. And I’m not doing so great. I suddenly feel worse. I start to get this urge to jump up and run outside. And just run away. Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed. And I’ll kick the sheets with my legs and get agitated. I want to get away. And I want to go somewhere better. I sometimes imagine the keys to a car appearing in my hand and just driving away. Or if I’m walking my dog I’ll stop and stare at a car. And I’ll imagine the door opening for me. Or the keys dropping into my hand. But I could be standing there for twenty minutes. I might sit and watch YouTube videos. And imagine, ‘what if that was my life?’ And imagine how happy I would be if I were that person, in that situation. Rather than me. I should probably give a little more background- not too many details to give my identity away though. I grew up in one location. Born and raised. I had good times, better times, and bad times. Sometimes I was having a ball, sometimes not. That’s growing up. I was a free kid. Did mostly what I wanted, along certain safety guidelines. Home by dark. Buddy system. Self defense classes. And it was fun. I had some friends here and there. Some better. Some worse. And I switched schools around the area. Part of that was elementary, to middle, to high school. By high school I had a few seemingly good friends. Many of whom did not go to my school. But that didn’t matter. I saw them often enough. I was never the cool kid. Always that weird kid I guess. Wasn’t so popular. Or so stylish. But that didn’t really matter. Except for a few moments. Then the tough part starts. After one year of high school I move. Switching hands from one parent to another. From free to strict. About a 9 hour drive. And I’m told we are never going back. At first I was excited about moving. Making new friends. Living in a new town. Maybe there would be more fun things to do. And I got on a bit of a high with those thoughts. Before reality actually settled in. I had moved. And was never going back. Fitting into a new school was ok. I made some friends and some enemies. I tried to keep in touch with the old friends. It worked. To an extent. I started to get nostalgic about the past. My old home My old town. The places where I would play as a kid. The bike path that took us to the candy shop. Splashing in the pool in the backyard. Now I don’t even go near water. Some sort of fear built up in the recent years. Some friends still keep in touch with me through various social platforms. Others faded into the past because a long distance friendship is hard. Especially when it’s bee decided that you are never allowed back. Remember how I said I’m never going back to my home place. I’m not allowed. I’m told to never venture that way. Or else. Don’t go against Mothers rules. I’ve been stifled a bit at home. I can’t walk places alone. I’m not allowed to drive. I’m not allowed to talk to the opposite gender. I’m not allowed on the internet. (Some secret strings were pulled to get me here) I’m not supposed to go to malls. Or coffee shops. Or even be in a car with a friend unless its that friend’s parent driving. And yet. I’m supposed to be happy? I haven’t even come to the worst yet. I’m not allowed to go to college. I’m not allowed to apply. I’m not allowed to even consider it. And if I do, I’ll break my Mother’s heart. What’s there to dream about these days? The few moments laughing with friends are nice. The void where I’m missing my old friends. The get togethers every weekend. I know my thoughts are but romanticized. My friends weren’t always the best. Sometimes we fought. Sometimes I regretted the relationships I cultivated. I get that I had hard times. But I see I grew from those. They shaped me. Maybe that’s what’s happening to me right now. I’m growing. And being shaped and molded into a better stronger person. But for what? So I can graduate and get married. So I can continue to live this life. I want to go out and sit on the grass and blast music. I want to play frisbee with my friends. Or jump on a giant trampoline. I want to go on a road trip with my buddies. I want to educate my brain. And become enlightened by meeting new people. But I am not supposed to talk to strangers. I want to go out and explore the world. What every young person dreams of. Sometimes I feel like the people surrounding me are only sheep. Who do they follow? Not their own will. Not doing what “regular” teenagers do. Except for those deemed as troubled. The ones who won’t get married. And won’t get jobs. The ones who won’t be happy. I just want to be happy. Something I hardly believe in anymore. I want to feel the wind in my face. And smell the fresh air. I want to run around freely. I want to join a club. I see happy people. Always smiling and complimenting everyone. And it makes me so angry. Why is that person allowed to be happy? Why am I undeserving of such feelings. Why do I feel so alone? Even when surrounded by people. I have over a hundred phone contacts. And I don’t feel like calling anyone. What’s there to say. I don’t want to talk about how great everything is. And that’s all I can ever say. Because if I’m not doing well, I’m not doing swell, Then there must be something wrong with Me. And I’ve contemplated running away. Many times. Or just booking a ticket. But there are a few reasons why I could never do that. I am a person who cares. I am a caring person. I just care way to damn much. I care how everyone around me feels. I just want to make everyone Happy. I want to see people smile. Because even if I can’t bring myself to, At least someone is. And ya a product of my ability. So I know if I ran away I would break some hearts. Induce some frowns. And I would be unable to handle that. Another thing is. It would ruin my reputation. If I would dare step out of line For a single second. My future would be Goddamned Doomed. And there would be no way to repair such a move. Nothing I could do to rectify my name. A future as a lonely cat person would do me Justice. So you see. There is nothing that I can do. And it makes me feel worse and worse Every day. I dream of things getting better. But there’s no realistic way that could happen. Not unless some car keys Magically Appear in the palm of my hand. And I lose all inhibitions. I’m getting pretty close to just Snapping. And that doesn’t mean anything terrible. Except enduring the most emotional torture I’ve ever had. ",0.9995,positive,content 1126,depressed,Am I Depressed?,listener_1,2,">Don’t go against Mothers rules. Okay, no. Unless you are in some kind of government protection program then what your mother is doing is manipulating you. Why did you change parents? What happened and why aren't you allowed to go back? Do you even have a reason other than because your mother says so? You're 18? Then you're legally an adult in the United States. I don't know where you live, but at least if you're here then your mother's word no longer binds you. You can do anything you want that isn't illegal according to the government. >If I would dare step out of line For a single second. My future would be Goddamned Doomed. Says who? And what future? You said your mother won't let you apply to college. How are you going to have a future without further education? And what kind of line stepping are we talking? Obviously you aren't going to kill a man, but like...dating? Smoking? *Going to school*? I think your mother is warping your sense of reality. Look, I'm going to put some keys in your hand right now. * You are legally an adult you can be your own master * Your mother is manipulative (scarily so from the sound of it), get away from her as fast as you can * You are allowed to look up grants, scholarships, and apply to colleges no one can stop you except you >(Some secret strings were pulled to get me here) Were...were you kidnapped?",-0.3109,negative,faithful 1126,depressed,Am I Depressed?,listener_2,3,"(coming from an also almost-18 year old sista) Hey so I totally agree with this - your mother seems to have warped your sense of reality absolutely. This does not seem like a healthy situation. Your mother does sound incredibly manipulative - and I can relate to this situation unfortunately. I know it's hard because she's your mother, but seriously she is preventing you from living a fulfilling and happy life by the sounds of it. And if you're 18, is it really considered ""running away""? You're an adult and if you want to go on a road trip with your friends or see the world or meet new people then do it. Okay I get that it may not be that simple, but I think you really need to get out of there. Is there more to this story? What is your mother telling you about the world? It doesn't sound real at all. And I get that you care, that's normal. What's not normal is what your mother is telling you. It sounds like your mother wants you to need her, like she is manipulating you - like she wants you to think that you must do as she says or you will ruin her. I'm sorry but that's not right, no mother should make their child feel like this ever. And going a way for a trip, or ""running away"" as you call it (though you are 18 so not really) will not ruin your life or anything - that is ridiculous. But I really feel like their is more to this story - it sounds crazy - no internet allowed? What about schoolwork? Don't you have a phone or anything? And if you go back to your old town what will happen to you? ""or-else"" what? You're making me scared for your livelihood! I really hope that you get the courage to stand up to your mother or just leave this town. What does your mother expect you to do with your life? live with her for the rest of her days? And to answer your question - yes, from what it sounds like you are probably depressed",0.9863,positive,agreeing 1127,depressed,"I see society around me, and its crumbling",speaker,1,"People say I'm weird, that I'm ""that kid"". I don't see the world for how normal people see it. I observe, I question, and I delve. I see ignorance, selfishness, stupidity, and judgement. I see it in fragments, not large amounts. But it's there. I understand that society can never be perfect and that it's flawed, but no one even cares. People just wanna think there's no such thing as problems and that the world is a Utopia, until it isn't. I'm depressed for what humanity has regressed to. The things we do to each other are horrible. This isn't earth. This is hell. It's been manipulated and rigged like a game. It's sick and disgusting. I refuse to live in a world so corrupt.",-0.9918,negative,annoyed 1127,depressed,"I see society around me, and its crumbling",listener_1,2,"I completely agree with your view. But, just complaining about it is not going to change anything. And taking your life because of this reason is dumb. I was very much like you. When I get thoughts about society during my depressive phase, it just makes me feel worse. But recently I've had a realization that there is no use in just thinking about the society and complaining about it. Which led me to make my life's goal to make the society a better place to live in. There are so many issues with our current society. And most of the population is just focusing on the wrong issues or not care at all. And the rest who understand the right issues don't take action to solve them. That's not how it should be. If you know that your friend or family member is focusing on the wrong issue, you have to make them understand why they are focusing on the wrong issue and which issues that they should be focusing on. By doing so, your friend or family member would do the same with their friends or other family members. It's not easy to change the whole society in a day. It'll take a very long time. But, we have to make sure that we use every available opportunity to make the society a better place. Just think of it this way. If it's not me, then who? I'm sorry if it sounded rude. This is my honest response without any emotions attached to it.",-0.5166,negative,agreeing 1127,depressed,"I see society around me, and its crumbling",speaker,3,How can you be positive when our world has no future? Our children are gonna live in hell.,-0.4939,negative,hopeful 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,1,"It’s so hard to get out of bed. I go to my boyfriends house everyday that’s the only reason I get up. I don’t want to die I just want everything to stop. I just want life to pause. I have therapy in a couple days and I’m not looking forward to it. I was supposed to journal and do some exercises and I’m embarrassed that I didn’t. I’m scared of what she’ll think. I also don’t want to tell her that I genuinely don’t have the effort to. I wish I had friends. I wish u wasn’t scared of the world. I hate my emotions, I go from weeks of just hyper and happy to wells of I can’t get out of bed. My self-esteem is slipping I don’t feel good about myself, it pisses me off that people can’t see what I see. I just hate this.",-0.7645,negative,ashamed 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_1,2,You can do it. When your in bed take that step out of it and it will help,0.4019,positive,confident 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,3,I will certainly try. I’m quite proud of myself this morning I even made myself a breakfast.,0.6997,positive,confident 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_1,4,Good for you!!!,0.5826,positive,acknowledging 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,5,Thank you! Everything is so hard right now so every tiny thing feels like an accomplishment.,0.5308,positive,grateful 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,6,I’m thinking of actually telling my therapist what going on tomorrow. I really appreciate that you’d comment. It means a lot,0.4576,positive,grateful 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,7,I'm glad to hear that. That sounds like a good idea. I'm happy that you appreciate my comment. thanks! ^ w^ Edit: fixed my smiley face ,0.9622,positive,acknowledging 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,8,Thank you! Yeah I’m a bit nervous but therapy can only help if your honest right? c:,0.8777,positive,questioning 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,9,":) I think so. Therapy has helped me. Sometimes if one therapist doesn't work, even after talking with him/her for a while, I think you could try to switch to another therapist! ",0.5093,positive,suggesting 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,10,I absolutely love my therapist I’ve just had bad experiences in the past with therapists so it’s hard to open up. I actually had a really good session today. I’m glad therapy has helped you. C:,0.7585,positive,trusting 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,11,Thank you! It's good to hear you like your therapist; I find that is important as it allows me to trust and open up to my therapist.,0.906,positive,trusting 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,12,Yeah I’m lucky to have insurance that allowed me to find one I like. She’s awesome cause she doesn’t bullshit she’ll call you out 100% which I appreciate. Trust is important but it’s the hardest part.,0.7783,positive,trusting 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,13,yeah! That's wonderful. I also have insurance that makes therapy much more affordable.,0.7345,positive,acknowledging 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,14,I’m so lucky for my insurance sadly I won’t have it much longer but my therapist said she will continue seeing me no matter what which is pretty sweet! Insurance is crazy man,0.7599,positive,grateful 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,15,I agree!! That sounds kind of your therapist. ,0.4738,positive,agreeing 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,16,I really appreciate it. I was so stressed when I heard that I’ll lose my insurance soon and it’s one less thing to worry about!,-0.6958,negative,grateful 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,17,You're welcome. That's something I would stress about too (I worry a lot haha),0.0772,positive,acknowledging 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,18,I worry a lot too. Yeah definitely not happy about the insurance. This week has been crazy! C:,-0.5705,negative,agreeing 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,listener_2,19,"Ah, I see. Recently my weeks have been busy lol.",0.4215,positive,acknowledging 1128,depressed,I hate getting up in the morning,speaker,20,"Yeah, so much happened at once. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_3,1,"I'm an 18 year old high school senior. I know, I'm young... blah, blah, blah. Life will get better... blah, blah, blah. I want to believe that things will get better, but I don't know if I will have the strength to make it to that point. Part of the reason I don't know if I will make it is because I have no motivation. I haven't felt happy in so long I forgot what it feels like. I don't even know if I want to be happy. My psychiatrist is really confused because I said I was ""lonely, depressed, and content."" I tried to explain that I have lived this way for so long, I don't know what it would be like to not feel that way. But she didn't get it. They never do. I'm just tired if living this way. I have no friends to talk to (that's not an exaggeration), multiple different meds haven't worked, my family doesn't know what to do with me, and I don't know what to do with myself. I don't want to die, I just don't want to live if it means living like this. And yeah, shit will get better, but is it worth it? I don't know if I will find out. ",0.4992,positive,apprehensive 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_1,2,Its worth the wait,0.2263,positive,neutral 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_3,3,"I just wish I had the motivation to keep trying to get better. But it is hard when I have spent the last 7-8 years trying things that haven't worked. I also wish I could be like other seniors and say that it is the stress of graduating and getting accepted to college, but my goal isn't to graduate, it is to be alive for graduation. I haven't applied to any colleges so that isn't a stressor either. I wish it were as simple as that. I'm not saying that those things aren't big stressors or that they shouldn't cause depression, quite the opposite. It is so common for people to be stressed and depressed because of school stuff that, maybe people would be able to relate and be able to help. And most of all, they might be closer to being correct when they tell me how I feel.",0.9679,positive,disappointed 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_4,4,"mate, one day, im sure,100% sure, that you will have kids. and you're going to have a wife. and you'll always have your blood family. One day, you're time will come, just like everyone else. You are going to be remembered for what you do in this life. you're going to remembered in the hearts of all these people you care for. But your time is not yet. You will find peace. and you will get over this, I promise. stop thinking that it won't happen. you ever heard of self fulfilling prophecy? you have a choice my friend. if its something that you believe is neurological then I cautiously suggest that you try mushrooms or maybe when you're older, ayahuasca. there are many testimonies that say these compounds have helped with their depression. Look into it, but becareful and do it with a shaman or some type of therapist out there who gives this stuff out. ",0.8834,positive,neutral 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_3,5,"Thanks for the kind words. I am trying like hell. I mean, shit I'm posting on Reddit 'cause no one else has listened. It's just a daily battle with myself. I'm the only one holding me back, but I can't find away to push through that. My self-esteem is so low, it's hard to bring it back up because I have a hard time believing any compliments I get. When this all started, I was stupid and thought that, if I just separated myself from people, I wouldn't have to care about being a burden on them. But then the problem came up that no one cared when I stopped talking to them. I realized how little I mean to people. And recently, I spent a month in the hospital trying to get treatment, and my ""best friend"" didn't realize I wasn't at school. In fact the only people who did notice were the ones forced to cover for me in projects and performances. Anyways, I'm just venting now. As for the shrooms, I've thought about stuff like that, but if I did take something or use something I would want it to be something that makes me blackout.",-0.952,negative,ashamed 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_4,6,"Those were never your friends to begin with. And the truth is, it is REALLY hard to find true friends. The realest ones are always going to be your family. I was just like you. Although I did have one good friend that I knew since childhood. But the ones that I wanted to be friends with didn’t really care about me. Haven’t even heard from them in years. I promise in life not many people have real friends. It’s hard to even find ONE nowadays. Do what others don’t do when you meet new people and the ones who are wise, the ones who aren’t superficial and the ones who’ve been through the same struggle will befriend you. Treat others how you want to be treated. But keep in mind that people want to be around others that don’t come with a burden. Everyone has problems. If you’re happy, you make others happy, you make friends. If you’re approachable. You make friends. If you’re confident, clean, and seem happy, you’re approachable. Most importantly*****dont try so hard. Just be in the moment and worrying about trying hard won’t even come to mind. I highly suggest you pick up a book called the Power of Now. ",0.9939,positive,lonely 1128,depressed,I don't know what to do anymore,listener_3,7,Thanks mate,0.4404,positive,wishing 1129,depressed,"No one cares about me, my eyes are infected I want to die",speaker,1,I feel so full of anxiety and depression. All I do is sit in my room all day no one talks to me and now my eyes have been infected for months and not healing. I wanna die. ,-0.9321,negative,sad 1129,depressed,"No one cares about me, my eyes are infected I want to die",listener_1,2,"Im sorry to hear that. I dont know you. Im a stranger on the internet. But i am somebody. and ill talk to you. Your eyes are infected, but you can read at least. lets talk about it!",-0.857,negative,sympathizing 1129,depressed,"No one cares about me, my eyes are infected I want to die",speaker,3,Just all my eyelashes keep falling out and i'm crying about going blind,-0.7506,negative,embarrassed 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,1,"It's my birthday... And my boyfriend left me last weekend... And we live together, I thought things were getting better, but I woke up this morning hoping to hear happy birthday! And I've gotten nothing but silence. Cool beans !",0.8702,positive,disappointed 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear about that, but, Happy Birthday! ✨",0.8459,positive,sympathizing 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,3,"Thanks, you're the first person to tell me happy birthday! Lol.",0.8655,positive,acknowledging 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,listener_1,4,"Lol, I hope a bunch of others stop by and give ya many more! :)",0.7955,positive,encouraging 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,5,Thank you !,0.4199,positive,wishing 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,6,Thanks!.,0.4926,positive,wishing 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,7,I just might haha! Thanks !,0.7568,positive,acknowledging 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,listener_2,8,"Not sure where you live or if it’s available, but looking for “nothing bundt cakes”. I don’t care for cake much but this place is my freaking favorite!",0.6609,positive,surprised 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,9,"I just googled it, there's one 39 minutes from my house... I just might go get a cupcake lol ",0.4215,positive,excited 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,listener_2,10,DO IT!!!! :D they have a mini bundt cake for like... 5 bucks? I live in AZ so maybe your price is a little different. But gonna be worth it!!!!! I’m excited for you and I think I’ve convinced myself to go get one. Lol know that some random stranger will be celebrating your birthday with you ( ^ω^ ),0.9725,positive,suggesting 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,11,This is awesome haha !!! ,0.8392,positive,acknowledging 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,listener_2,12,Haha yay!,0.7712,positive,acknowledging 1130,depressed,Happy fucking birthday to me,speaker,13,Happy early birthday!,0.6114,positive,wishing 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,speaker,1,"New to reddit...last time I posted something no one answered, hopefully this time you guys would. I had a pretty fucked up life growing up and now I’m a pretty fucked up person. I’m debating whether I should cut off my long time childhood friends who are constantly leaving me out and treating me like shit (unintentionally.) I’ve settled for them because u grew up with them and I have no other close friends. What do I do ",-0.1027,negative,lonely 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,listener_1,2,"Maybe you should try talking to them about it. If things don't get better, I don't think there would be any point of dragging the friendship any longer. Giving up on them is ok, giving up on them without trying to make it better isn't ",0.8017,positive,suggesting 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,speaker,3,"I’ve known them since I was in elementary school I’m in highschool now, one time I asked to come along and they looked so irritated with me. I have tried to make it better by ignoring it and acting like everything is ok but it isn’t. They go to parties and don’t invite me and I feel like I’m missing out on an experience because they don’t invite me. I feel like I’m a lame, I’m so tired of feeling this way because I’m the uglier friend. ",0.3865,positive,lonely 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,listener_2,4,"Feeling shitty can also cause you to behave differently. Maybe if you focus on yourself, your behaviour would also change so that people e.g. invite you to a party. ",0.0516,positive,suggesting 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,listener_1,5,"I am really sorry you feel that way.. Tbh I have been going through something very similar over the last couple of years, and I thought if what they're doing is really unintentional, and if it is bothering me so much, the least I could do is tell them how I feel so they realize where they're going wrong and at least try to change. It did work for me a while but then the things went back to the same shit. I hope it works for the better for you because, I hate to say this but, pushing them away is not going to make you feel any better too",-0.3708,negative,sympathizing 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,speaker,6,Why do you say that though? Why do you say pushing them away is not going to make me feel better ,0.4404,positive,questioning 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,listener_1,7,"Because you're going to miss them and keep thinking if what you did was actually what you wanted to do. Getting a closure, on the other hand, just might make you feel better for at least trying",0.6705,positive,neutral 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,speaker,8,"My point has been proven, if they were my friends I wouldn’t have done what I done in the first place u know what I mean? I literally settle for less ",0.4767,positive,angry 1131,depressed,I need some deep Advice,speaker,9,"I wasn’t always this way though, I’m just now feeling shitty because. I Realized they literally have been leaving me out my whole life ",-0.4767,negative,sad 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,speaker,1,"It started last night. I was at a training for law enforcement, and a couple of the officers started talking about someone who attempted suicide by jumping off of a bridge on to the freeway. These cops were saying things like ""idiot"" and ""that's so selfish. Why would he do that?"" Then they started asking for the video of it. I almost went off on them right there, but I reminded myself that their job has desensitized them to death. Ok, whatever. Then today, I'm sitting in my psychology class and my teacher starts talking about depression. And she starts laughing about it in the middle of the presentation. What the fuck. Later in class we are watching a video about depression and suicide, and the whole time the kids behind (group of 3) were laughing their asses off. Not once we're they quieted by the teacher. Not once. I was to fucking scared to do anything. But maybe I will. Something needs to happen.",-0.9844,negative,embarrassed 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,listener_1,2,Wow. That's fucked up. I'm sorry you have to deal with that type of stuff :/ ,-0.5106,negative,sympathizing 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,speaker,3,"Yeah, it's shitty",-0.34,negative,agreeing 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,speaker,4,"But why isn't it surprising? Perhaps the situation I'm gives me a different viewpoint, but it seems like this lack of care for people's lives and emotions is something that shouldn't be a problem. Is this new, or have people always had these reactions to sad situations?",0.2473,positive,surprised 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,listener_2,5,I'm almost certain there are/were topics that you aren't/weren't comfortable talking about (at some point in your life).,-0.2252,negative,neutral 1132,depressed,ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!,speaker,6,I got mad because the officers were making fun of someone who tried to kill themself 2 hours after I was talked out of attempting suicide. Don't tell me what's trivial. ,-0.8807,negative,furious 1133,depressed,I just dont know. [Lots of text],speaker,1,"I've been suffering on and off from depression for maybe 3 years now. More on than off. I've had my share of personal, financial, and family troubles in that period which I wouldn't like to mention here. Before I came to Uni I had my dream: Go to Uni, become a better person, make friends. Basically get my shit together. Well that kinda worked out. That first year, I came to a new country, socialised with people from Uni (Something I couldn't had done in my wildest dreams back home), made plenty of friends and some close ones. I got a girlfriend who I'm still with today and we love each other very much. There were still some bumbs that year but overall its probably going to have be the best year of my life. The summer before my second year of University began was boring. The entire summer back home just wishing I could go back and continue the good times. When it came along, it was great, for a couple weeks. Then it just stopped. I stopped going into Uni for the most part, just sit and wallow in selfloathing for no apparent reason, I no longer felt comfortable around anyone, but hated being alone. There were times I would just sit in my cupboard in complete darkness. I had no energy, no willpower or motivation to accomplish anything. I didn't enjoy doing anything, not music, or videogames, or being with people, and those were about the only activities I would actually enjoy in the good times. I didn't like my course anymore, but there is nothing else I would rather do. About halfway through that year I had a bit of an episode where I was alone in the flat and abused Xanax and Alcohol, I had never felt this bad in my life. I ended up self harming. My close friends / flatmates were aware something had happened but I'm not good at talking about my issues. I told my girlfriend everything, and after 3 or 4 weeks told my flatmates (who are my close friends) via text. The one upside to that situation was that my girlfriend was now aware of these issues, and helped me a lot setting up an appointment with a councillor. Now, I already mentioned I'm bad at opening up, and that's to everyone, I haven't even been able to really talk about it with my girlfriend, it's literally a reflex when people ask how I'm doing to answer with either ""fine"" if it's not obvious, or just an ""eh"" if there's no point in hiding it. This obviously doesn't work well with a councillor. I was so nervous I couldn't even look her in the eye. Any question she would ask I would just downplay it, pretend it wasn't that bad, I just can't express myself at all. We had a handful of sessions which did not help me at all and that's my own fault. I feel so inadequate comparing myself to any other, people in my class how strive to be successful, they have a drive pushing them to do new and exciting things, seizing opportunities, enjoying themselves. And I just don't know how. What's the point for me? What is going to make things better for me? I have everything I wanted, I don't want anything more in life, and I'm just stuck here in fucking limbo. I have no passions, no hobbies, no bucket list items, no desire for more. It's like I'm playing a videogame and Im bored of all the fun bits. Which is usually when you just quit the game. Just dissolving into lack of consciousness is my most common fantasy. To be able to just experience nothing, no stimuli, just void. Well, that and smashing my head off of a variety of hard surfaces. These days I sit around, taking anything I can get my hands on that can help numb me. Staying up too late, abusing porn, worrying about anything from if I'm under/overdressed, if anyone vaguely looking in my direction and judging me, and most recently I've been getting night terrors, probably one of the reasons I keep putting off going to bed.",-0.9208,negative,disappointed 1133,depressed,I just dont know. [Lots of text],listener_1,2,"I don't entirely know what you're going through so correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you worked through all the goals you initially set before going to uni and now that you have you're just floating in limbo. Perhaps start setting more and new goals (fitness, grades, career) that will keep you busy in a productive way. Perhaps ask your girlfriend to help and go to the gym together or study together. I hope you're doing well ❤️",0.9313,positive,suggesting 1133,depressed,I just dont know. [Lots of text],speaker,3,"Hey... I had kind of forgotten about this post, but your comment really lifted my spirits. Thanks a lot for the advice, I have tried to set short term goals but ultimately find myself with no motivation/drive. I think part of it is of course the vicious cycle of feeling depressed, but I'm also thinking that the amount of time I've spent on Reddit and Facebook and all the other standard internet things have really shortened my attention span as I constantly hop between different things, quickly getting bored of each one. I have my final exams coming up in just over a week and haven't started studying at all yet. I've been telling myself I would for weeks but now it's at the point where I have to if I'm to stand any chance at passing. Thanks again for the kind words.",0.4221,positive,grateful 1134,depressed,I’m worthless,speaker,1,I think I have realized that my mom doesn’t care about me as much as my sister. She always prioritize my older sis. I know she loves me and cares about me a lot too but not enough for me. I still feel worthless. I’m also replaceable. I know now that school is over my friends are going to continue their journey without ever contacting me again (since they don’t contact me anymore). And now my best friend has found a more interesting person than me. I’m so down I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. ,0.9694,positive,jealous 1134,depressed,I’m worthless,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry, bud. That sounds absolutely miserable. For what it's worth, I appreciate you posting this here as solidarity for people like me. ",0.5434,positive,sympathizing 1134,depressed,I’m worthless,speaker,3,It’s alright! I’ve decided to be more of an optimist from now on. ,0.7145,positive,content 1134,depressed,I’m worthless,speaker,4,Thank you! I will.,0.4199,positive,wishing 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,speaker,1,"I've never once had a good dream. I feel pain in dreams. Time flows differently, I often experience more time in the reality within my head rather than real life. Ive had these almost all my life and they're getting worse. The shear complexity and diversity of my dreams is impossible to explain all in one post, but a very oversimplified summary would be this: - Even if I know I'm dreaming, I'm powerless to change anything or wake up - The most time I've spent in a dream would be around 2 weeks - Pain can vary from mild to unbearable - Dreams can be hyper-realistic or wildly incoherent - My dreams often 'loop'. I dream I've woken up only to rubber band back, this can happen more times then I can count - I cant die It's gotten so bad to the point where I'm frequently contemplating suicide as an escape, since I'm incapable of doing so asleep. My only hope is putting my trust in a mandatory system in the UK due to my age. I've had multiple bad experiences with them, such genuine anxiety I used to have being labelled as manipulation by the head of the company, and being blamed for my severe bullying issues during secondary school. I feel so hopeless. My first appointment is 3 weeks, but due to my stupid nightmares that could be god knows how long. I don't want to throw my real life away, but I can't endure the torment of sleep. I can't make the decision.",-0.9857,negative,terrified 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,listener_1,2,What can you do to release disturbing thought patterns?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,speaker,3,Sorry I don't really understand what you mean. ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,listener_1,4,"Dreams are connected to daily activity. If you have stress-induced disturbing thoughts during the day, then it makes sense that your dreamstates will have similar qualities",-0.1531,negative,terrified 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,speaker,5,"I actually usually have my worst dreams when I've had a decent day. I'll go through a period of productivity and improvement and have the most awful and longest dream I've had. I can't deny that I have those, however now a days it's literally just about the Dreams themselves ( the fear and the worst ones that are scarred into my mind). That aside, previously when they weren't so bigger issue I did have them, but I can't control those either...",-0.3876,negative,terrified 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,speaker,6,"Weed aint legal where I'm from. As desperate as I am, I know that the means of obtaining it are going to put me in a situation I really don't want to be in. Thanks for the insight though.",-0.0696,negative,agreeing 1135,depressed,Every night I go to hell.,listener_1,7,"Sounds difficult; since your OP, have you discovered anything new?",-0.3612,negative,questioning 1136,depressed,Not a clue,speaker,1,"Yea so i don't really know what to write here. Been depressed for a good long while and it's getting really tiring. The worst part is that I got massive amounts of support, my family loves me and would be devastated if I killed myself which is partly why I haven't. I just don't know if I can keep up anymore living because of someone else's happiness. Failing time after time just takes its toll. God I feel stupid writing this.",-0.8709,negative,lonely 1136,depressed,Not a clue,listener_1,2,"You're not stupid. Shit really is tough out there, but I'm glad you got someone supporting you",0.8837,positive,neutral 1136,depressed,Not a clue,speaker,3,Thanks :),0.7096,positive,wishing 1137,depressed,I need to give up.... I can’t do this anymore...,speaker,1,I’ve gone through so much and I’m almost 20... nothing seems to be getting better. I just want to end it all... nothing is worth this feeling I have inside...,0.4869,positive,sad 1137,depressed,I need to give up.... I can’t do this anymore...,listener_1,2,"Can you describe ""that feeling inside""?",0.128,positive,questioning 1137,depressed,I need to give up.... I can’t do this anymore...,speaker,3,I’ve always felt different and I always felt like I didn’t belong here. It feels like I wasn’t supposed to have survived my first 18 months of life. I keep asking God why he made me survive. I have never felt comfortable with who I am of my life.,0.7716,positive,lonely 1137,depressed,I need to give up.... I can’t do this anymore...,listener_1,4,I look for any bit of happiness I can get.,0.5574,positive,hopeful 1137,depressed,I miss her,listener_2,1,"She took my kids, and got a restraining order against me which I feel is unwarranted, but I still miss her so much. I think she is sick and she needs help. I want to help. I want my family back.",0.3919,positive,angry 1137,depressed,I miss her,listener_3,2,"The police tend to look into claims before they issue restraining orders. You can't just get one for no reason. It might be you that is sick and needs help. Either way, perhaps it's time to seek counseling. You don't need to be on medication to go to counseling. Major life changes often warrant it.",-0.4215,negative,suggesting 1137,depressed,I miss her,listener_2,3,"It's a temporary restraining order, but you're not wrong. As with most things, the situation is complicated",0.5157,positive,neutral 1138,depressed,Struggling to remain positive after a hellish 2 months.,speaker,1,My dad got depression and cheated on my mum. My best friend got depression and I stopped him hours from suicide. My brother is on early stages of depression. My mum is breaking down from everything. I am so trying to remain positive but I'm getting to the point that im emotionally tired and im worried that I might be next to become depressed which I dont like the thought of because I used to be a super positive person but its been an overwhelming 2 months for me.. I even broke down in tears on checkout at work which wasnt my proudest moment but that was a day after I stopped my friend from suicide. I dont know what to do to prevent that :/ or what to do anyway,-0.9753,negative,apprehensive 1138,depressed,Struggling to remain positive after a hellish 2 months.,listener_1,2,"Hey, I'm sorry you're going through that. I hope you, your family, and your friend start to feel better soon. Just a quick note before I write a book. Don't be ashamed because you broke down, everyone has their breaking point. You're going through a really tough time in your life and sometimes emotions just get to be too much to handle. Don't beat yourself up because of that. I don't think I have any great advice to give you, but I'll try my best. Something that I would suggest you do is make sure to take time for yourself and try to unwind. It may seem selfish with everything that's been going on with your family and your one friend, but if you don't give yourself time to cope and process what has happened, you'll end up burnt out quick and that won't help with staying positive. Your family and friends are important, I'm not saying to neglect them, it's just that you're important too and you need to make sure to take care of yourself. Just find some time to do something you enjoy to take your mind off of the issues. When I was going through a very stressful time at home, I'd play video games and watch YouTube. Sure, it may not be the most productive of things to do, but it made me feel better... it refreshed me and helped me be strong for my family at the time. About your friend, just make sure that he knows that you're there for him. That he's not alone. You care about him and he can always rely on you. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there to listen, someone is there to depend on will make a difference. If he/his family can afford therapy, I would suggest that he try it and see if it helps him. I really wish that I could help out more, but I can't think of anything else to say. I really hope you're able to maintain positive outlook as you go through this. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM. I hope you have a lovely day/night and I wish you the best in life. :)",0.9987,positive,sympathizing 1138,depressed,Struggling to remain positive after a hellish 2 months.,speaker,3,"> end, just make sure that he knows that you're there for him. That he's not alone. You care about him and he can always rely on you. Sometimes just knowing that someone is there to listen, someone is there to depend on will make a difference. If he/his family can afford therapy, I would suggest that he try it and see if it helps him. > > I really wish that I could help out more, but I can't think of anything else to say. I really hope you're able to maintain positive outlook as you go through this. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM. > > I hope you have a lovely day/night and I wish yo I really appreciate you taking the time to type this. I think I really do need some time to myself. I have been the someone to talk guy for the past few months. I really hit my breaking point when my dad said he was in the middle of writing up a text because he was going to drive into a wall (but luckily he didn't end up doing that) and when my best friend who lives in another country was telling me ways I wanted to end it but to me at the time it was just talk with him but once he told me he had set a date is when I called suicide hotline which is when it really sunk in. I was crying on the phone shaking which I didnt feel prior to the call but I think thats when it hit me that this was really going to happen. After the phone call I called his mum because he didnt know to the extent of how depressed he actually was and That alone was the hardest thing for me was to tell his mum over the phone that he planned to overdose within the next few hours. I went to work the next day and I think the fear was he told me he was going to do it while I was at work and It was the fear of not knowing if his mum took it seriously and if he was still alive or not when I got off work. I was shaking and I couldnt talk all the well because of how much I was breaking down that day. I havent ever had anything like this happen to me ever and to have everything collapse on me over the span of a short 2 months is what stunned me the most. Video games are a good way for me to relax so I can say that it works and I will continue to do so. As for my friend he is on the up he is seeking consulting even though he says it isnt helping in anyway. He met someone who was going to commit suicide through Reddit and after a week of talking they are dating which I think is a bit fast but its made him happy and given him a purpose I guess so that also gives me some breathing room I guess but I'm worried he's rushing a bit much.. As much as this has got me down I do still try and maintain a positive outlook its just how im wired but I just get worried I might get pulled into becoming depressed. I still dont have a real understanding of depression other then its scary and from what I experienced from my dad it completely takes over like a monster and pushes the person you know to the back of the head. I appreciate you responding to this I really do I think you are a fantastic person for wanting to help me and I hope you have a wonderful day/night.",0.9933,positive,neutral 1139,depressed,Scrolling through this sub makes me feel like God sifting through prayers.,speaker,1,"Man, if God exists he's one heartless motherfucker hahaha. ",-0.4767,negative,furious 1139,depressed,Scrolling through this sub makes me feel like God sifting through prayers.,listener_1,2,There is no god. If there is a god he hates me and just wants to watche suffer. ,-0.7281,negative,lonely 1139,depressed,Scrolling through this sub makes me feel like God sifting through prayers.,listener_1,3,I grew up as a pastors kid. I know what the Bible says about him. He sees and knows everythjng. I have begged him countless times to stopy pain. As a kid I begged him to stop the other kids from endlessly bullying me. I have begged him and begged him. And he has never replied. He is either not real. Does not see and k ow all. Or just doesn't care about me. ,-0.9007,negative,furious 1139,depressed,Scrolling through this sub makes me feel like God sifting through prayers.,listener_1,4,If he can't do it all he is not god. ,-0.2057,negative,neutral 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,1,"You wanna know what sucks more than doing shitty in college...when you feel like you're the only miserable fuck and no one else gives a shit because no one can relate. No matter how fucking hard I try..I try my damnedest to pass these tests, I can't even average a C. These are my Japanese classes by the way. And whats even shitty if a friend of mine always bitched about how hes never confident when taking a test yet averages A. How fucking dare you be so damn ungrateful every time you get an A on a test! How dare you complain about not having any confidence when you receive A's! I already applied for graduation but I don't even think I'm graduating. I want to join the 27 club now. I fucking hate having mental illnesses. I hate how I'm not as smart as I used to be and how fucking fat I am. On my good days I'm actually in a positive go getter mood. Those damn days are fleeting as a whole. I hate the fact that I fucking exist and how I have no one to relate to my struggles. I hope I die either by my hands or soon. I can't take this anymore.",-0.9921,negative,angry 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,listener_1,2,"well hey, you made it this far, you can keep trying your best until graduation. if you do graduate, then congratulations, that's great. if you don't graduate you will probably need to take some time for yourself to 'mourn' the person that you thought you were going to be after you graduated. I don't know if you have more chances to graduate or no, but if it's final and bad result then you will have to grieve and move on. And do move on. Here's why. You don't want to do anything impulsive now. Especially because you are going through a hard time at school right now, don't make any serious decisions about shutting down your life or especially hurting yourself. Because it's hard to think clearly when you have such strong stresses from your environment. You could be making a terrible decision that you will recognize as such only a few months down the road when some of this school stress is in the past. Don't be rash. You may have a completely different opportunity around the corner that you didn't spend much time thinking about before when you were still so set on graduating. Surely you will lose out on something by not graduating, and that will suck and be sad if that happens. But take a long time to rethink how you might go forward. You might actually surprise yourself with exciting new projects that aren't based on graduation. Good luck. Feel better. Don't hurt yourself. Are you familiar with a support phone line where you live? It might help to talk to someone with a voice.",0.954,positive,wishing 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,listener_1,3,"As for friends, as a depressed person, I find that other depressed people make the best friends for a variety of reasons. Maybe try to find a support group in your area and think about trying to find a good friend or two from there. ",0.9118,positive,suggesting 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,4,"I went to my psychiatrist yesterday to let him know about my situation. Between dealing with school stuff, rent (I still live at home, can't afford to live on own, an I can't deal with roommates), household obligations, and other things, he told my situation is one that most college students do not go through .My situation is very rare. Moreover today I received an email from an agency that I was not selected for the position. I applied for to teach English in Japan and even did the interview last week. I thought it went absolutely great. But no that what happens when I think optimistically. When I think like a pessimist, I expect less from people. What shit luck I have. And you are absolutely right. Depressed people, more so those who can relate to me, do make better friends. Its just so difficult.",0.1335,positive,surprised 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,listener_1,5,"I also applied to teach English in Japan and got rejected also! If it's the official Japanese\-government sponsored program, I forget the name, it's because they are flooded with applications. Look somewhere for private listings for English teachers. You might find a muc better gig by taking a road less traveled by.",-0.3802,negative,disappointed 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,6,"I applied for a private organization. I just see myself as a failure. My friends get nothing but good things, while I receive the bad. I applied for JET last year and was rejected while he was accepted. I just don't understand the problem people have with me. I don't even know those people and they have a problem with me!",-0.9138,negative,jealous 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,listener_1,7,"do you have an ESL teaching experience already? Can you take a year to just work some crappy but fun job, and tutor ESL on the side? Maybe with a year of experience your chances of getting a job in Japan will improve? Dunno.",0.867,positive,suggesting 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,listener_1,8,"Well try, try again. Or move on to some new project. Rethink everything. I mean, it's up to you how important teaching English in Japan is. ",0.4404,positive,suggesting 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,9,Teaching in Japan is really important to me. However if I keep getting rejections maybe there's a sign or something. I need to get a job while I'm in the states I guess. I did always want to be an animator.,-0.1796,negative,hopeful 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,10,I taught when I studied abroad last year. I though that experience alone would have helped me a lot. *sigh* I guess not.,-0.2263,negative,disappointed 1140,depressed,No one to relate to,speaker,11,"I'm sure you're smart but lack motivation or something else. I know I'm not dumb, but I just lack concentration and there's other crap going on in my life. Oh to be a millennial.",-0.0379,neutral,ashamed 1141,depressed,Loss of many relationships and etc.,speaker,1,"I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for 10 or more years (although it feels like since childhood) and can't get a handle on it. I neglect self care a lot, I hate myself, I am a toxic person to myself and others because I am so sad and lonely and angry and judgmental and unaccepting of others' personalities/view points and I take everything too personally and I am very sensitive... I also surround myself with toxic people... :/ The only highlight is that I just took my first dose of a new (for me) antidepressant (celexa). I have tried Zoloft and Effexor, and both were bad in different ways, so now I am on this new drug to see if it'll help me. I also go to counseling once a week, I am NOT suicidal, though I do feel very depressed and helpless... I have had a lot of losses of relationships lately... * My cousin committed suicide in NOV 2017. She was my age and although we weren't close at the time, we had been best friends from birth up until about 16 years old (when I was straight edge and she got into heavy drugs). She was very charismatic, funny, caring, and almost everybody loved her. I was hit really hard by her passing and I think about her and our relationship almost everyday. * My depression wasn't so, so bad when I first met my boyfriend (almost 2 years ago), but when we hit our 7 month mark, my anxiety and depression got really bad because I was feeling the loneliness of living in a city with no friends and not knowing many people. He was my only person, and when he got a new job and made new friends and got new hobbies, I was left alone a lot because I had only a part time job, no hobbies, and no friends. This put a strain on the relationship. Our problems stem MOSTLY from me (but of course he's not perfect either), but a lot of pessimism and negativity on my part, a lot of picking on little things he says and does... just being a very toxic partner. We almost broke up in AUG 2017 but then worked through some things... but generally we still have one big fight every month or every other month, and again, a lot of it stems from my sadness, anger, insecurities, etc. It has made him very much question if there's any faith in this relationship for any type of future. Today, he broke up with me, but then I (pathetically) begged for him to take it back and wait just a little longer, because I am trying antidepressants for the first time ever and I am so sure that once I find the right one and am happy again, my bubbly, funny, energetic self will come back... So he said he would wait to see... but I have emotionally drained him and the relationship is hanging by a thread. * In the beginning of March, just after my birthday (which was a weekend filled with my toxic mother guilting me and making everything about herself), my best friend of almost 20 years ghosted/broke up with me. In Feb. we had had our 3rd huge argument of the year over politics and race, etc. I called her ignorant and now she hates me. I did apologize profusely and said how wrong and terrible I am, but she doesn't care. She's done with me. She was a mostly good friend - she was supportive of me through other tough times (and I of her), but recently she got a new boyfriend and everything is about him him him, and she wasn't really around for me during my loss of my cousin (we only see each other once every other month because we live in different states). Really, there's no place left for me and I no longer hold value to her. I am now just the sad ex-friend. * I already live in a city where my only friend is my boyfriend, and of my 3 best friends from middle/high school and etc, now I only have one left (the other is a really self involved, devoid of empathy type of person and we are no longer very close). * And, as I mentioned, my mother is very emotionally manipulative and toxic. I am not really close to many people in my family because my dad is semi MIA and my brother has a lot of his own depression and anger problems. I hope this post doesn't come off as TOO victim-y.... because I do know I have done a lot of shitty stuff to people, but really I am so done with myself. I am so sick of feeling like shit all the time and then feeling the need to make everyone else feel the same. This anxiety/depression has got me so wrapped up in myself, so selfish, and uncaring... so distant from the person I used to be. I used to have a TON of friends, everyone loved me and I was very chameleon-esque in friend circles. Now everyone hates me and I hate me. fuckkkk TLDR: everyone hates me. I hate me. I want to be a better friend and partner and person and self care-er.",-0.9974,negative,ashamed 1141,depressed,Loss of many relationships and etc.,listener_1,2,"I don't know how but I hope things will get better for you. I am going through relationship struggles too. She is the only person for whom I am living. But, I end up hurting her all the time. And when I hurt her, I hurt myself tenfold. I hate the fact I am hurting the person I love most. I don't know what to do with myself. I just wish I was a better human. ",-0.5719,negative,guilty 1141,depressed,Loss of many relationships and etc.,speaker,3,"I feel the same. It's gotten to the point where I can usually identify the trigger or at least while it's happening... And I have the choice to stop, and I just don't.. Because acting shitty.. IDK.. Maybe validates my ideas of me being a shitty person.",-0.3837,negative,apprehensive 1142,depressed,lost the will to live,speaker,1,"everyday , i feel dead , i don't feel that i know who i am , i don't feel good at all , the last 3 years has been horrible for me , i feel always angry/sad/tired. i don't feel happy anymore. i don't know how but i feel that time is chasing me even though im 14 i feel that my day is near and i can't run from it.",-0.7651,negative,lonely 1142,depressed,lost the will to live,listener_1,2,"Tell us about your diet, exercise, and sleeping patterns. Think of some stressful situations as well. Many of us get better by identifying problems.",-0.25,negative,questioning 1142,depressed,lost the will to live,listener_2,3,The constant thought of thinking i can't/will not do that because its not worth it.,-0.1695,negative,apprehensive 1143,depressed,After hitting puberty/Emotional changes,speaker,1,"So It started a month ago when I started being sensitive to everything single thing like if brushed my shoulder while walking past them or small things like that that would get me so sad/frustrated that I didn't say anything back, then that started the memories I had this friend that called my mom fat, call me petty I don't care even though I know why he said that and for good reason after what I had done to him \(keep in mind this happened 1 or 2 years ago\) but now I lose sleep over, thinking I should've said this back I should've blah blah blah and I get so frustrated at the smallest things now, like this guy that also called my mom fat in the 2nd grade \(which was meaningless to him and I did hit him back then\) I just remembered that now and I started bullying him and bothering him \(keep in mind, I'm semi cool in my school but still get bullied from time to time\) The first guy I think we're cool now and I'm almost sure he doesn't remember that anymore. please no negative comments and I will read everything/all your problems and try to help... was this from me getting bullied and taking out my anger on others or is this normal for a 13 yr old boy just hitting puberty",-0.9742,negative,sad 1144,depressed,What to do?,speaker,1,"My daily schedule I masturbate twice, I eat a lot of junk food for which I stealing parents money, I have been failed 3 times in engineering this is my 6 th year I'm pursuing engineering it'll be total 7 years after i complete my engineering. I'm an introvert don't socialize much. Never had a girlfriend feel a lot to be loved by someone. Want to have sex but don't have a partner neither have money to pay to an escort. What to do I'm dangerously depressed any self help books? Excercises that'll help? Pls, help!!! ",0.3369,positive,ashamed 1144,depressed,What to do?,listener_1,2,"Masturbating twice a day sounds really healthy, so good on you so far. Stealing and junk food \-\- OK, we have some work to do. Society is a fucked up monster for making us feel like if we don't get a degree in typical time frame that we are no good. Go at your own pace. If you finish at all, it is a great accomplishment. And if you don't, you'll have different/new opportunities to explore. Young adults who haven't dated are in pretty big numbers these days. Own it as confidently as you can; it's a perfectly normal choice to make, and it it was never choice, it's a perfectly normal predicament to be in. If now is the right time to do so, then make a conscious decision to start dating. Tell people honestly ""you know i've never really dated, always been kind of introverted, but I'm really trying to branch out now..."" I would be fine hearing that on a first date. Find dates online \-\- for sure. Put it right in your profile that you've never really dated anyone and would be intrigued to find someone else with not much experience, but you'd be willing to meet up with more experienced folks who won't disrespect you for being you. It's our best option 2018. Good luck!",0.9866,positive,angry 1144,depressed,What to do?,speaker,3,What to do with the food and sex cravings here? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1144,depressed,What to do?,listener_1,4,"Be really conscientious about eating before you are hungry. That's counter\-intuitive in our starvation society, but it's the easiest time to eat healthy and not overeat. If you're not hungry yet, you have time to plan a healthy meal with a clear mind about what is actually 'healthy,' why you wan to be healthy and also what a reasonable portion would be. That is a tiny tip. I would check out other subreddits for more dieting advice. I don't know why you think you need to do anything about your sex cravings. If you're horny, jerk it man. No shame. It's healthy. Not cumming leads to prostate cancer. Work it out. ",0.9583,positive,prepared 1144,depressed,What to do?,speaker,5,thanks!!,0.5399,positive,acknowledging 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,1,"I posted a selfie of my new hair dye I was proud of and someone bashed my eyebrows on it ( I grew up bullied for having a unibrow so now I pluck them)... told the person I happen to like my eyebrows and then found out the person shared my post to a harassment thread talking bout how I was ""obviously mentally ill"" and ""a toxic person others should stay away from"".... because I'm confident about my eyebrows? I don't understand ? ",-0.1431,negative,angry 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_1,2,I think it's the effect of being anonymous and the ability to dehumanize other people via the internet which unveils this unpleasant side of a person. I like to think its a minority but its a hard one to ignore.,-0.6871,negative,sad 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,3,Also I literally shouldn't have to prove anything to be treated like a person ,0.3612,positive,agreeing 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_2,4,Yeah except op didn't post a pic of their eyebrows. They posted a pic of their hair. So they weren't trying to prove anything about their eyebrows,0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_3,5,"naw, people are jerks. it’s okay to call it out as it is.",-0.0516,negative,neutral 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_4,6,"Wow, you are absolutely not welcome here. There is something seriously wrong with you if you think you have the right to post photos of others in order to mock them. Not only does it lack in empathy and compassion, but also basic human decency. Clearly you have your own issues where you feel you need to ridicule others in order to make yourself feel superior, and I suggest you start to look into why you compelled and even entitled to do this. OP told you that she likes the way she looks and is confident in her appearance and your response is to call her a cunt and then find an outlet to bully her? There is seriously something wrong with you and I suggest you take a long, hard look why you reacted the way you did when someone told you they did not agree with your unsolicited advice, so you sought an outlet to have others mock her appearance just so you can feel justified in your own cruelty and judgement of others. The way people look, and their confidence in the way they look does not affect you at all. In fact, it's admirable when someone is comfortable in their own skin- regardless of whether you agree with their choices of hair, makeup, clothes, etc. The fact that you feel the need to ridicule and denigrate others' appearances for your own kicks reflects far more poorly of your own character than of those you are trying to belittle. The only ugly one in this is you. ",-0.7179,negative,angry 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,7,Amazing ,0.5859,positive,impressed 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_4,8,I am so sorry she showed up here. She will not be again. ,-0.188,negative,sympathizing 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,9,"Back handed compliments aren't compliments at all. Also, you got banned off of one subreddit so you're harassing me on another? Please go find something more productive to do with your time. ",-0.617,negative,angry 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_5,10,"Also - you were bullied for having a unibrow and now you’re overcompensating. It’s like me, as a formally fat person, becoming anorexic. Sometimes you need a kind word to see that within yourself. I hope you deal with your issues and build up your self esteem enough to move past trivial things like this.",0.7269,positive,consoling 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_4,11,"it's her fucking eyebrows, she is not creating a health issue for herself. Your comparison is ridiculous. The only one with problems here is you in that you feel entitled to comment on others' appearances, mock them, and expect they'll be thankful for words from your majesty. Get off your high horse and learn to understand how to not judge people, and especially not think you are entitled to judgement and unwanted comments. OP has been strong through all of this. And the irony here is that you are telling her to build up her self esteem when her first response to you was that she has strong self esteem and is fine with the way she looks, and that's what set you off. You are harboring issues from your fat days... please consult a therapist before you end up really hurting someone. ",0.5602,positive,angry 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,12,I'm sorry that you feel the need to bully me because you were fat ,-0.5423,negative,sympathizing 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,speaker,13,Appreciated ,0.5106,positive,grateful 1145,depressed,Why is Reddit toxic?,listener_4,14,you are no longer welcome here either. ,-0.569,negative,agreeing 1146,depressed,Happy 4/20 to all the lonely stoners!,speaker,1,My next bowl is for you<3,0.0,neutral,neutral 1146,depressed,Happy 4/20 to all the lonely stoners!,listener_1,2,"hey man thanks, my next one is for you too😘",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 1146,depressed,Happy 4/20 to all the lonely stoners!,listener_2,3,"Good for you, man. Keep toking if it helps you. I've smoked on and off for 3 years, but the latest 6 months I've smoked several times every day, and eventually when you smoke so much - you smoke every time you feel bad, and it makes you dependant. I quit cold turkey a few days ago, and all of the feelings (both the happy and the bad, anxiety and all that shit) came back crashing at me. I consider(ed) weed medicine, but if you want to get rid of your depression and anxiety for good, and you haven't yet saught proffesional help - you should. But a proffessional can't treat the depression of a stoner, because half of the symptoms may be caused by heavy toking or even altered by it. Some people have tried everything. All kinds of professional help, all kinds of medicine - but if nothing works, then weed can be a medicine. If not, it's worth a shot trying to get help. I love weed as much as you or any guy, but if you go broke for a few days, if you run out of weed or can't get ahold of your dealer; you'll feel like total shit. It's much better to smoke weed recreationally, than to be dependant on it to prevent anxiety/panic attacks and the crippling emotions of depression. I don't know if this is good or bad advice to you. It's all up to you. It's your choice which path you take. Good luck, fellow ent!",0.1689,positive,faithful 1146,depressed,Happy 4/20 to all the lonely stoners!,speaker,4,I underdtand ya man. Happy toking and message me if you ever want to talk about the ganj ,0.6124,positive,angry 1147,depressed,losing hope more and more each day,speaker,1,"i’m honestly at a point in my life where i should be ready for the next chapter. i’m not though, i don’t know what i want to do as a career i feel beyond disliked by my peers and they say they don’t hate me but i can see right through their lies. Im losing faith in myself, i don’t feel ready for this world. I just want to be happy, i feel so alone. i’m at a point where im going to down an entire bottle of vodka mixed with the rest of my anti depressants. ",-0.5753,negative,anxious 1147,depressed,losing hope more and more each day,listener_1,2,"Same here brother, there’s so many people on here going through similar situations life is a hard one no doubt about that. Sending my love.",0.7105,positive,wishing 1147,depressed,losing hope more and more each day,speaker,3,thank you man.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1147,depressed,losing hope more and more each day,speaker,4,thank you man <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1148,depressed,Feeling alone and burnt out after I saved my friend hours from suicide.,speaker,1,"So my friend(USA) had depression for just about 5-6 months and he got to the point of being hours away from suicide. He spoke of all the ways he could do it in great detail which freaked me out. I called suicide hotline as soon as I knew he set a date and asked for advice which is when reality kicked in and I couldn't stop crying on the phone. After I the call. I decided it was time to tell his mum who was unaware his depression was this bad since he hid it from her. Telling her mum is legit the hardest thing I have ever done and I couldn't tell her without crying and shaking uncontrollably. Currently, he is getting better even found a gf who was on the brink of suicide as well. Which has been wonderful to see him improve from something so horrible. Although they are moving really quickly as they have been dating for a month and already talking about moving in together and getting married. I even spoke to her and she told me something chilling last night saying if they couldn't be together they would both commit suicide which has not sat well with me in any way shape or form.... But after over a month of dating with this person, I am now the third wheel and we don't talk much anymore. I feel really alone and still feeling the rippling effect of my friend, My dad (who was also suicidal at the time and cheated on my mum) and my brother all suffering from depression (Currently my dad is improving). But I feel really burnt out and alone now. It doesn't help I'm not a social person and all my friends live overseas (which I don't mind I tend to find amazing friends overseas but I tend to be thrown into third or fourth place (I miss being someone's best friend). There a shit ton of crap going on in my life and its almost like I'm drowning and can't get a breath of air. I love life and I try to remain positive but its a lot for one person to take in just 2 months. Im more looking for advice as to what I can do in situations like this. ",0.6585,positive,terrified 1148,depressed,Feeling alone and burnt out after I saved my friend hours from suicide.,listener_1,2,"Get some fresh air, exercise, and maybe you need to start expanding your social circle. You're telling us that he's the only person you meet irl, right? How about joining some discord communities or something ?",-0.1926,negative,suggesting 1148,depressed,Feeling alone and burnt out after I saved my friend hours from suicide.,speaker,3,"He is, in fact, the only person I have met in IRL. I have another friend in another country but she doesn't talk to me all that much. But I hear what you're saying.",0.2732,positive,trusting 1148,depressed,Feeling alone and burnt out after I saved my friend hours from suicide.,listener_1,4,"Should totally start aiming to make friends on some place like /r/MakeNewFriendsHere or /r/needafriend. Online friends can do wonders, believe me (esp. when you don't like going out too often like me lel)",0.8438,positive,suggesting 1148,depressed,Feeling alone and burnt out after I saved my friend hours from suicide.,listener_2,5,"Here's a sneak peek of /r/MakeNewFriendsHere using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Older female seeking friends](https://np.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/86hp5m/older_female_seeking_friends/) \#2: [16/F A presentation on why you should message me!](https://np.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/7853au/16f_a_presentation_on_why_you_should_message_me/) \#3: [No more discord advertisements](https://np.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/6oopo8/no_more_discord_advertisements/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/7o7jnj/blacklist/)",-0.4831,negative,surprised 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,speaker,1,"I fucked up and today I have to suffer, I can't get anything in my life right. I seem to fuck every opportunity I get.",-0.8625,negative,ashamed 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry. <hugs> Trust us, you aren’t alone in this. (Edit spelling)",0.25,positive,sympathizing 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,speaker,3,<hugs back>,0.0,neutral,wishing 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,listener_2,4,your right thank you......,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,speaker,5,It's not that easy when everyone else is doing much better than me,0.1265,positive,jealous 1149,depressed,Nothing is going well,listener_3,6,"First step to changing how things go, is to stop the negativity (: if your feeling a certain way that doesn’t resonate with you, tackle those feelings. Understand why you feel that way and accept them. And then tell yourself you don’t like the feelings that they give you. As above so below, as with-out, so with-in. No matter what anyone may say, we’re in control of our lives. So control it and don’t let your negative thoughts (: sending love and light. Namaste 🙏🏾 ",0.8418,positive,angry 1150,depressed,Hi,speaker,1,"So in September last year I saw a therapist at uni for 6 weeks after a bad break up and my grandad being diagnosed with cancer (and more recently dementia). I've struggled with mental health issues since I was a teenager but after a period of wellbeing I felt back to where I was. Not long after the 6 weeks I was diagnosed with depression and given sertraline, which I have been taking for around 6 months but recently been taking on and off whenever I feel it necessary. I'm currently seeing a uni mental health advisor who referred me to have an assessment at a local MH service after I shared some information about being a risk to myself (I.e. 2 crises with attempts to end my life). At the time of assessment I was feeling in a slightly better place so they have put me back under the care of my GP- but my uni doctors don't seem to know much about MH. I had one doctor try to tell me that my problems will go away soon because they were situational, without asking if I have a history of MH problems. The whole thing has just felt very dismissive on the part of the medical profession, but I've been very lucky to have a counsellor and MHA who have both been incredibly lovely. I've been trying to just carry on and do what I can to look after myself but nothing seems to be getting better. I'm under a lot of pressure at uni with deadlines and exams approaching and applying for postgrad courses. My body feels completely exhausted and I've been having crying spells/mood swings again, and with ibs the stress has just made me feel really ill over the past week or so. I can't wait for the semester to be over but I know my depression won't suddenly go away once I have a break and I'm just feeling very hopeless at the moment. I have a boyfriend who is very patient but I worry that my lack of motivation and just general dissatisfaction with life at the moment will drive him away! As convenient as it is, its very frustrating being functional with depression. I'm really good at looking perfectly fine from the outside but I never really share the thoughts that go on in my head or the distress they cause. I guess I want someone to tell me that my feelings are completely valid and that everything is as bad as I think it is 😂 but really I need someone to tell me that it'll work out eventually, because sometimes I just really feel like giving up... Anyway, sorry for the DEPRESSING post l0l",-0.9856,negative,afraid 1150,depressed,Hi,listener_1,2,"things will get better. you’re great. people know it. you just have to believe it, stay up (: ",0.8807,positive,consoling 1150,depressed,Hi,speaker,3,Thank you ❤,0.7717,positive,grateful 1150,depressed,Hi,listener_1,4,you’re welcome (: ,0.7351,positive,wishing 1150,depressed,Hi,speaker,5,"Thanks for the advice, I've been told this by my MHA today so I'm going to stop taking them irregularly and do it properly",0.1779,positive,grateful 1150,depressed,Hi,listener_2,6,"good. You'll notice a difference. There is a saying I hear often with medications- ""what makes you well keeps you well."" Obviously this doesn't apply to all medications, but with antidepressants, you not only take them to help lift the depression but to keep it at bay. Or, to put it another way, I get these horrible itching attacks. Doc can't figure out what causes them since it doesn't seem to be related to allergies. But I itch everywhere for hours, even days. Can't sleep, want to rip off my skin. Horrible. Anyway, I now take antihistamines every day. Before that, I was loading with benadryl when the itching started, but by then it was already spiraling out of control and the benadryl wasn't enough. By being on the antihistamines daily, even when I'm not itching, it significantly lessened the number of attacks I get and when I do get them, they are much more mild and usually benadryl takes care of it quickly. So that's kind of how antidepressants are. You take them daily so it staves of the depression. And when the depression does break through and hit, they help you from falling as deep and bad as you would without the antidepressants. Hope that helps it makes sense more. And yeah, the medical profession is grossly under educated about mental health. And I'm glad you have a counselor you feel you can talk to. That's really going to help. Antidepressants aren't happy pills (or there would be a black market for them like speed). They help lift the depression enough for you to muster the motivation and strength to work to overcome it. And the main way to do that is to figure out what triggers your depression (break ups, exams, family, etc) and find new ways to cope, grieve, whatever it is that you need to do to address the issue but in a way that keeps you from falling low enough and into depression. And that's where a therapist or counselor comes in. edit: I wanted to add that I have cut down significantly on the amount of antihistamines I take. I started with an incredibly high dose morning and night. Over the course of four years I slowly cut down how much I take dependent on whether the symptoms didn't return. I'm now off one medication completely and cut my other medication in half and the itching has stayed subdued and infrequent. One day I should be able to get off of it completely. That's again the same with antidepressants. As you improve, you cut down the dose (whoever prescribed it will decide how that goes), and eventually you ween off it completely. But you don't do it as soon as you feel well. You slowly ween off and test the waters to see whether symptoms start returning. If not, you cut back some more, and eventually you are off completely. There are people like me who will be on antidepressants our entire lives, but for most people, the depression will wane and you will be able to live life normally and without medication. And if it comes back down the road years later, you are already prepared and know what to do to help yourself immediately before you spiral too far down. ",-0.9846,negative,annoyed 1150,depressed,Hi,speaker,7,"Thank you for such an in\-depth response! I completely agree with everything you have said, and I think there is a massive misconception that anti\-depressants are happy pills and will fix everything. It might be putting a plaster on a problem, but it's a plaster that help keeps you surviving and sometimes that is very necessary. I can notice quite a difference if I have forgotten for a few days so I know I'm not well enough to come off them yet, and I'm going to try to stick with them consistently until maybe one day I am ",0.7365,positive,agreeing 1150,depressed,Hi,listener_2,8,"Yes, the plaster comparison is very apt. Are you a woman? (You mentioned you have a boyfriend). Are you on birth control? If so, then take the antidepressants with them so you don't forget to take them daily. Or put the pills next to your toothbrush, or next to your alarm, or next to your coffee- anything you do daily where you will see the pills and will remember to take them. ",0.3797,positive,prepared 1151,depressed,what it’s really like,speaker,1,"I just want it to be me so I don’t have to be here anymore I can never tell if I enjoy my life or not, I’ll have times where I’m doing fine, where I kind of feel pretty happy about everything and it feels good but then it just crashes because of one thing and then ur back into ur normal state of mind of how everything is just so shitty with little spurts of okness: in other words, my life 8/10 times is probably going to be pretty shitty, but it’s all good, I’ve come to accept it, tbh it’s fine with me cuz it just teaches me to not be so hopeful so when things do come to the worst I don’t get knocked down as hard, I just kind of crawl around for a while while I’m down instead of getting up fully. I do that bc everytime I’m trying to get up and I succeed, it immediately, like literally right as soon as I gain my balance, I get slammed down on the pavement, so, what’s the point? Don't wanna talk to a therapist cuz they won't understand, don't wanna talk to a friend or family member cuz u don't want them to worry like it's so easy to shut urself out n try to deal w it urself but it never works out n just makes it worse but u don't wanna bother anyone w ur issues bc it just feels like a nuisance So u kinda just deal w it until that wave of depression is over But then it’s a cycle.. it's really the worse when it gets to the point where u hate urself n ur life n decisions n u just wanna be gone but u can't bc too many people care but u wish no one did ",0.958,positive,content 1151,depressed,what it’s really like,listener_1,2,"No. Believe me. You don't wish no one cared. It is a total mind fuck thinking there isn't a single person on the planet who cares if you're alive or dead. It hurts a lot. If I could go back in time to my younger self, I would say, gather people around you. Get a support system or friends or family or some community because life is too hard to do alone. Of course, some of us have no choice but if you have a choice it's almost always better to have someone who cares if you exist. As inconvenient as that may be at times.....",0.2004,positive,lonely 1152,depressed,Where the fuck do I begin?,speaker,1,"I want to be a person who is easy to talk to. Having a conversation is so hard for me. I always make thing awkward. The friends I do have I hardly keep in touch and I never tell them what's going on inside my head until I crack and explode my emotions. I am losing so many friends from not replying. I have been so unhappy for so long and people ask me Why? Why am I so unhappy when I am ""pretty"". Being pretty doesn't make you happy. I have been through some shit and I need someone to help me talk it out because I've kept this a secret for far to long and I'm trying not to let my experiences in life define who i am but it's so hard. ",-0.331,negative,sad 1152,depressed,Where the fuck do I begin?,listener_1,2,I’m just a stranger but if you truly need to just talk to someone I can listen. I’ve know a lot of people from all walks of life and I’ve seen a lot of ugly so if you’re interested in just letting it all out to somebody PM me and we can talk. Either way I wish you the best. ,0.9286,positive,wishing 1152,depressed,Where the fuck do I begin?,speaker,3,Yes lets talk. Before i tell anyone to much,0.4019,positive,trusting 1153,depressed,the dark,speaker,1,"to\-who ever reads this is it bad to be scared of the dark? i am terrified. last night i could not fall asleep. my mind races like a steamtrain on the tracks. i think of all the horrible things that i have done. and all the horrible things that have been done to me. when i think about the different things that seem to appear, they haunt me. they all surround me. like the different ghost that haunt my house. i am never alone in the dark like i like and wish to be. i can never just not think. i think i need some help.",-0.8738,negative,terrified 1153,depressed,the dark,listener_1,2,"I know well what you mean. But it's not the dark outside that you're scared of, it's the darkness inside of you that causes you terror. There's little I can do, as an internet stranger, to help you. But you don't deserve to be in pain, you don't deserve to be scared. Try to perhaps think of that when your mind is haunted by such horrible things. You have to stop tormenting yourself. I'm sorry, I know it isn't easy, and that no can easily solve this for you. But you're not alone in the sense there are many like you. Please seek out some help. I hope that one day you will feel better.",-0.9433,negative,caring 1153,depressed,the dark,speaker,3,thank you. i am seeking the help i need. im very happy im not the only one like this.,0.8932,positive,sympathizing 1153,depressed,the dark,speaker,4,i do not like sleeping with the lights on. i sleep with my tv on often. thank you for your support,0.4749,positive,wishing 1154,depressed,What's the point,speaker,1,I'm not even sure why I'm living anymore. I honestly have no clue how to talk about my feelings and I want to get in my car and put on cruise control and just crash. I fuck up every friendship and relationship I have. I can't even do college and thats the only thing I've been looking forward to in my life. I can't make friends because I'm scared of people. And I can't talk to someone for hours and still not ask for their number or even see what our friend status is. Also Andrew from CSCC if you see this I really fucking like you and even tho I'm a fucked up person I want you in my life because I dont feel drained after taking to you. ,-0.6168,negative,ashamed 1154,depressed,What's the point,listener_1,2,"I know exactly how you feel, as I also feel this way. I don’t know of any advice to give, but just know that we are all in this together.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1154,depressed,What's the point,speaker,3,It's been 10 years since I've wanted to kill myself it hasnt changed once,-0.6908,negative,afraid 1154,depressed,What's the point,listener_2,4,Are thoughts of self-harm persistently intense? ,0.0772,positive,questioning 1154,depressed,What's the point,speaker,5,"Yes, I just haven't acted on them because honestly it's too much effort",0.6908,positive,neutral 1154,depressed,What's the point,listener_2,6,"Personally, major depression is also a constant, as well as suicidal ideation, but eventually I resigned myself to being 'half-dead' and was grateful for the consistent positives.",0.5273,positive,grateful 1155,depressed,the last time I wanted to die so badly i tried to kill myself.,speaker,1,I don't know why I aking this post. I don't know what I am hopping h for. All I know is I am tired of everyrhng. I a hoghscho drop out who has no skills what so evert. I fuck up everything I do. I always have. I brake everything I own. I get mis genderd by everyone. No one gives a shit about how they make me feel. I ask them to use the right pronouns s but they refuse. How much can they care aboute of I tell them something hurts me and they don't even make the sligest attempt to change it? I can't even work because I can't go in public without having a panic attack. My shrink has been rebalanceingy meds for over a year now and can't find anything that works. I am not scared of death at all. Bit I am so so so scared of living a life of nothing but pain. I don't want to hurt my family. And I am trying to hold on to that. But I can't help but feel everyone would be better off with out a fuck up like me in their life. The last time I wanted to die this badly was when I tried to kill myself. But this time I know have way more. This time I will die if I do it. I love my family so much. And I know how much it would destory me if one of them died. But they are good people. They have good lives. They are not a burden on socity. They aren't stupid. They aren't worthless. I can't think of one reason they would want me in their lives. I have been holding this in for a few days. And I can't eat my feelings any more. I can't fake it. I can't put on a smile and act like I'm fine. ,0.2707,positive,ashamed 1155,depressed,the last time I wanted to die so badly i tried to kill myself.,listener_1,2,"Sounds like you are in crisis? I am not trying to be cute, I just want to point out the intensity of your post. Please keep writing out your concerns here if it helps: many of us externalize our mental disorders through communication and it helps. After 4 decades of mental disorders, I find myself still alive and less likely to be unstable.",0.8074,positive,caring 1155,depressed,the last time I wanted to die so badly i tried to kill myself.,speaker,3,Thaklnk you. I feel asleep with a hand full of pills last night debating rather I should take them or not. Bit I woke up feeling better. ,0.765,positive,apprehensive 1155,depressed,the last time I wanted to die so badly i tried to kill myself.,listener_1,4,Good to hear.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1156,depressed,I'm Depressed but i'm too depressed to do anything about it.,speaker,1,"I'm 18 and I don't think its just a teenager thing anymore, I don't want to die but there isn't anything, I feel like i'm just waiting for the walls to collapse around me, I feel this pressure around me but nothing is happening, I find myself staring into nothing, I didn't think i'd make it this far even as a child. This is the best I can do, I need help and I don't think I'm going to get it.",0.7913,positive,lonely 1156,depressed,I'm Depressed but i'm too depressed to do anything about it.,listener_1,2,"It's hard, buddy, believe me. It's hard to break out of a bad situation when you're the one in it and it is far easier with help from those who love you. You should tell your parents or your close friends. It's a tough thing to do but it will help you a great deal to have others understand what's happening and be striving to help you. If there's anything at all you want to talk about, feel free to PM me :)",0.9802,positive,trusting 1156,depressed,I'm Depressed but i'm too depressed to do anything about it.,listener_2,3,"Chiming in to say you can also PM me, sometimes talking to strangers is easier than those closest to you. We offer literally zero judgement, and you don’t need to feel guilty for venting to us. Hang in there pal. With help you can get better.",0.6808,positive,agreeing 1157,depressed,creepy,speaker,1,i need creepy videos/subreddits/links to browse. please leave some.,0.2732,positive,consoling 1157,depressed,creepy,listener_1,2,Why? What's wrong?,-0.5362,negative,questioning 1157,depressed,creepy,speaker,3,"im bored, its late at night and have nothing better to do LMFAO",0.1845,positive,lonely 1157,depressed,creepy,speaker,4,thank you so much! i will definately look into it!!! :\)\)\)\),0.5673,positive,acknowledging 1158,depressed,old friend,speaker,1,"to\-the guy that used to sit next to me in class. i was in love with you. we hung out a couple of times. i really liked you. you told me that you had feelings for me and wanted to be with me. you asked me to homecoming. even helped me pic out my dress. it was a long blue silky dress that you said fit my curves perfectly. i was so excited for this moment. i couldnt believe i was going with the person i like. homecoming came. it was the day of. we were talking all day. i asked how i should do my hair, curled you said. i asked how i should do my makeup, light smokey eye but thats it. you said you didnt want my makeup to overpower my natural beauty. 30 minutes before homecoming started, you canceled the plans. you said that your mom wouldnt let you go. i was devistated. i had no motivation to go whatsoever. my friends finally talked me into actually going and i had fun, for the most part. i stopped for a second during the dance to look at my phone and post a picture to my snapchat. i looked at your snapchat story. you ditched me to go to the movies with your friends and a couple other females. i texted you asking for an explination. you had nothing to say. not even a sorry. you told me we should take a break. but how were we supposed to take a break if we werent even together? then i rembered, you wanted to ask me out homecoming night. it never happened. even though you told me what you wanted to. another thing i was devistated about. a couple weeks passed and i had forgiven you but things were not the same between us. you started to act very sexual towards me. asking me for nude pictures and for me to preform sexual acts with you. i sent you the nude pictures. i regret it. i couldnt understand why i would take and send such pictures if i wasnt even comfortable with my body as is. whenever we would hang out you would ask all of these different request that you wanted. you wanted me to do sexual things with you. i didnt do anything. you got mad at me. i was too nervous. i didnt like exposing myself through pictures let alone in person. im the type of girl that is always fully clothed. i always wear a hoodie and pants. nothing more, unless im at home. after these couple of incidents we argued like crazy. we couldnt really enjoy a moment with eachother like we used to. we stopped being friends. we never talked anymore and the rumors quickly started up. it is now april 29,2018. we havent been friends since november. i see you everyday. we have classes together. i want to talk to you again. i miss what we shared but also hate the sight of you. i dont know what to do. because part of me still loves you but im confused on which way i did. did i truly love you as a person? or did i love the fact that i wasnt alone anymore and had someone in my life? im not sure. but when i figure it out, ill let you know. im sorry.",0.9658,positive,confident 1158,depressed,old friend,listener_1,2,"I think he is just as confused as you. And he is trying to figure it all out for himself. I would forget about it him and try and meet a new person. Take the lessons you have learned and apply it to your new relationship. When you are happy again in your own life he will come back. But I hope you are strong enough then to know that you deserve better. Good luck, thinking of you. Michael",0.9692,positive,wishing 1158,depressed,old friend,speaker,3,"to\-michael thank you. but i have tried. my relationships have never been good nor ended in good terms. i have tried to move on. he was the first guy i brought into my life after my ex. my ex was a terrible person who used me, got me addicted to xanax, and raped me. i opened up to the guy that was supposed to be my homecoming date. i told him i didnt trust anyone due to my past expirences and once again, i have lost trust in humanity. ive tried to talk to other guys. even hanging out with them. but they all use me in different ways. either using me for my weed, my perscribed xanax, or my body. im not quite sure what to do anymore. im really depressed. i amnot sure why i am opening up to you, as you are a complete stranger. i think its because i do not know you personally. therefore, you dont know the rumors about me, what i look like, or how i truly am irl. but i thank you for your concern and the time you have spent replying to what was on my mind. i never really know how to go about these things except say thank you. so, thank you. your words have an impact on me and i greatly apperciate it. i am always open to talk. again, thank you michael. \-Abi",-0.5688,negative,neutral 1159,depressed,I was let go under what I feel were unfair circumstances. I feel bullied and like I hate my workplace. I need to finish the year off.,speaker,1,"It's weighing on me. I'm a teacher and I have been at this place for two years. I worked my ass off scrounging furniture, materials, resources, grants...anything and everything to make my class perfect for my students. I created binders for my team with all 10 units of the curriculum that our district wouldn't provide us with. I was blindsided when my contract was not renewed. My principal gave me the reason of ""relationships"". She said relationships but it was my aide that had a huge issue with me and his family works at the school. She believed rumors, didn't bother to take my side, and here I am. I have to come into work day in and day out and it is so hard. I feel like I am drowning. I try to do everything in my power to not breakdown in front of the kids. I suck it up and smile and I try and do my job the best I can and it's killing me. Everyone keeps saying I need to stay positive and that it will all work out but I can't help but feel this way. I feel like I am going to explode. I took off a week and it was so nice. Although the anxiety of work still haunted my mind. Now I am back and once again I feel like I am suffocating. I don't know what to do anymore.",0.937,positive,disappointed 1159,depressed,I was let go under what I feel were unfair circumstances. I feel bullied and like I hate my workplace. I need to finish the year off.,listener_1,2,What can you do that is within your jurisdiction as an employee?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1159,depressed,I was let go under what I feel were unfair circumstances. I feel bullied and like I hate my workplace. I need to finish the year off.,speaker,3,Nothing. It was explained to me that because I am a probationary teacher the district can let me go for absolutely no reason so it doesn't matter that this happened. ,-0.4273,negative,angry 1159,depressed,I was let go under what I feel were unfair circumstances. I feel bullied and like I hate my workplace. I need to finish the year off.,listener_1,4,"If you are sure that nothing can be done, then I would not attach myself to any hopes other than finding a new teaching position. A veteran teacher might get away with a lawsuit, but rookies usually have to ride out political crap?",-0.3182,negative,hopeful 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,speaker,1,"I hate everything about myself. I genuinely struggle to think of any positives. I can't even look in the mirror without the constant feelings of disappointment and emptiness. I often stare at my reflection just waiting for the imminent tear to cascade down my cheek. I used to be overweight, which added to my self-hatred but i've spent the past 18 months losing weight to the point where i'm in the best shape of my life. I have a new found 'interest' in health and fitness but i still see the fat, disgusting mess that i have only ever known. No matter how much my body improves, i will never be truly at peace with the way it looks and that's a terrifying thought. I spend each day just existing and not living, so everyday just merges into a period of nothingness. I don't enjoy much in life so nothing makes me truly happy. The only thing i want in my life is to find somebody that loves me because i just feel like a burden. What if nobody ever falls in love with me? I'm unlovable it seems. What have i done to deserve to be unloved? i long for companionship and it's like i'm never going to get it. I am talent-less, unsociable and unmotivated. I have no prospects for the future and i have no idea how i'm going to live or what job i will eventually fall into. I'm not good at anything in particular so that makes my chances of finding a successful job very slim. Honestly, i regret my entire existence, even though i had no choice in being brought into this miserable world. I loathe myself. I'm losing patience in waiting for my life to improve because it is just spiraling downwards. I really don't know what to do anymore...I just want the pain to go away. I thought of death doesn't scare me, in fact, it actually is quite appealing. The eternal peace sounds absolutely perfect. I've been alive for 18 years and i don't think i can go on much longer. I have nowhere else to turn now. This is my first ever Reddit post, so i am interested in seeing how many people are in my situation as well. Thanks for taking the time to read this. ",0.7794,positive,disappointed 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,listener_1,2,Do you see the script you are writing here? or how it is influencing your life if you repeat it like a mantra in your head?,0.4329,positive,questioning 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,speaker,3,It’s just become normality. I physically can’t see past it.,0.0,neutral,disgusted 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,listener_1,4,"Difficult episodes are just that, episodic, because impermanence is a fundamental pattern of observations. I am also connected to my instincts.",-0.3612,negative,apprehensive 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,speaker,5,Thank you! I’ve never really looked at it that way. I’m always so convinced that I’m the worst person to be around so I forget the simple things that can make me feel okay.,0.2275,positive,grateful 1160,depressed,I can't do this for much longer.,listener_2,6,"I’ve been there. I used to write down all the negative stuff I was feeling, and one day I realized that I was feeding the negative feelings and was drowning in it. Now, anytime I talk to someone, and we go to a part of a conversation where I need to do something, I volunteer and tell them I’m awesome. It’s such a different feeling, now that I try really hard to not put myself down in my own head. And telling others I’m so great, makes them laugh and me feel good. Try it. ",0.8673,positive,grateful 1161,depressed,Do you ever feel so empty?,speaker,1,"I've just got back from a holiday which itself was fantastic. But during my trip I had this experience which is pretty much a once in a life time opportunity. Well the thing is, I wasn't actually able to complete such a once in a life time opportunity. Basically I had a friend who is an Adult actress and well she invited me to hangout her and all her friends. One really hit it off with me, we spoke for hours had a smoke and a drink and just enjoyed the company. We passed out cuddling and when we woke up we started making out. Long story short she took me back to hers and well I wasn't able to do what I really wanted to do. Couldn't become aroused and to be honest despite me wanting to, I couldn't do anything. I just wanted to keep talking. Which we did. After all that we spent the next day together and had lunch and a few drinks. Couple hours later I went back to my hotel and well just laid there. Thinking Christ what is wrong with you? You had a beautiful girl who wanted you and you fucked it up. I'm back home now in the UK had my first day back to work and well I just can't stop thinking about it. It's eating me up. I just can't shake it. Am I broken? I'm not gay I love girls but why could I not do it? Now I'm falling back in to this abyss I was in before my trip. Will I ever be a normal happy go lucky guy? Or am I going to forever ruin these chances in life? Help me Reddit. I just want to end it all.",0.9922,positive,excited 1161,depressed,Do you ever feel so empty?,listener_1,2,"It seems like maybe you need a genuine connection with a woman not only physical. I’m sorry you feel this way, but I’m sure she still had fun ya know! Don’t make yourself feel bad about it. ",0.5487,positive,suggesting 1161,depressed,Do you ever feel so empty?,speaker,3,"You might be right, maybe I do need to have a connection with someone before I'm able to do things with them. Although this issue has never happened before? I mean I guess it may have been because well she does it for a living and well I'm really fast and terrible so I didn't want her to spread it around? I have no idea. I just can't seem to be happy ",0.2983,positive,apprehensive 1162,depressed,Why?,speaker,1,"There’s times when I feel happy, when I’m in the car with my friends driving down the road after getting coffee listening to the music blaring throughout my car, with smiles all the way to our eyes, and giggles almost as loud as the music playing. Then there’s the harder times, when I’m dropping them off and driving towards home, putting on depressing music, hoping that one time maybe a car will swing in front of me and I will see my life flash between my eyes. Do I want that? I could say I want to be happy, and I do but there’s sometimes when I crave the pain, when I crave the knife slicing my leg open for blood to start dripping out. I crave the feeling of wanting to just cry, and be lonely. Yet I don’t crave the feeling of being okay. I want to be okay sometimes but, all I can do now is just admit to my self that I’m crazy. I’m a psychopath, a whore, and a liar. I dread waking up. I love my parents with all my heart and would never want them to wake up feeling the way I do. I try so hard to take my medicine but it makes me feel different, when I’m with a group of people it makes me feel like the “different one”, I don’t even know if I want to be okay anymore. I don’t know what to do, everyday I feel a constant dread that the day before I didn’t swallow those pills I was going to take, that I didn’t cut so deep that it killed me, that I didn’t just tie that rope and just let go. I don’t want people telling me that it’s going to be okay and I’ll get through this, I don’t want that, I want to know I’m not the only one out there who thinks like this, that I’m not the only one who just wishes they were dead. ",-0.8918,negative,joyful 1162,depressed,Why?,listener_1,2,"This honestly sounds like a chemical imbalance (not a doctor), like someone else I know. You don’t have to feel this way. Let your doctor know so they can run tests and maybe they will get you something good to help balance it all. ",0.8398,positive,suggesting 1162,depressed,Why?,speaker,3,"I have a doctors appointment today, but I don’t want to say I’ve thought about suicide recently because I don’t want to have to go get immediate help or something, I don’t want any of that. I want to feel better but I don’t want to stuck in a position where I don’t want to be. ",0.3291,positive,apprehensive 1162,depressed,Why?,speaker,4,"I want to talk to people I know about my issues but I hate when they see me upset, I don’t like talking about it because I feel restricted on what I talk about, so I wanted to get other people’s opinions and see what I could possibly do. I want to talk about it, but when the time comes I get nervous and never say what I need to say. I don’t want to feel crazy, I don’t want people to sit there and think that about me, so I figured that I could give this a try and see what people say. ",-0.9161,negative,apprehensive 1162,depressed,Why?,listener_2,5,"How would you feel about writing things down? Maybe you could write a text, an email, a letter. Or write yourself some notecards or bullet points so you know what you want to say in the moment. Sharing with people is *hard*, man, being vulnerable is fucking difficult. But wanting to is all you need; the next step is just putting it out there. ",-0.1272,negative,suggesting 1162,depressed,Why?,listener_3,6,"are any of your friends also depressed? maybe you should make a friend who is themselves depressed and already comfortable talking about it. as a depressed person myself, i can say that other depressed people are the *only* people I can be friends with anymore lol for exactly what you say. I don't have anything in common with people who aren't depressed lol that sounds terrible but it's true",0.54,positive,suggesting 1162,depressed,Why?,listener_3,7,"I think that's enough evidence that you don't trust your therapist enough \(and maybe wasting your time with them as a result\). You deserve a much better relationship than that. I don't know the full details, so take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I think you deserve something better. You should be able to discuss suicide ideation and still go home just as normal without your therapist acting like it's a catastrophe. I would recommend telling any new therapist on Day One that suicide ideation is something you've dealt with for a very long time and it's not at all a sign of imminent actual attempts at suicide. That way you can probably always comfortably talk about ideation without fearing that your therapist thinks you're getting worse.",-0.9494,negative,suggesting 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",speaker,1,"Some quick background: I was separated from my family at 10yrs old, sexually molested from 11-14, suicidal by 15, and first time I spoke to anyone about what I had been through was when I was 19. From the age of 10 till I finished grad school my main focus was always my education. I'd cry myself to sleep most nights during high school and had no friends during college, but I was happy cause I knew that despite it all I was taking steps to secure my future. I had one relationship during college, my first, and while we were good friends it wasn't a healthy relationship for me. I convinced myself that I was 'defective' and would never find anyone that could care about me so I stayed about 3 years longer than I should have. Since then I've struggled with relationships, I'm decently attractive and get hit on by girls (and guys) but I have zero idea how to react. I know that part of me stills sees myself as somewhat 'defective' and this makes it impossible to approach someone with confidence (I hear confidence is important). Making friends is a similar struggle, its like I put this very awkward shell around me which makes it difficult to meet people. However, once someone gets past the awkwardness I tend to not have a problem making good friends, just I dont give myself a 'chance' with most people I meet. Currently I've finish grad school and have very good job prospects ahead. All I need to do is a month or two of dedicated work to finish a personal project I'm working on and I'll be golden. I've needed a month or two of dedicated work for the last 2 years, but I just can't do it. I know what I have to do, I know that I can do it, I've done much more difficult things to get where I am, and I know that it'll be greatly beneficial to my future to finish this. Still I find myself having to find a place to hide for a good cry everyday or every other day. I've simply lost all motivation and discipline. Everything I've done has been to get to where I am, now that I'm here it feels like I'm about to throw it all away. I feels like my body and mind have completly run out of gas, and most of all I'm tired of being alone. Outside of therapy, for which I have no money and have tried it 3 times and been same or worse at the end of it, anybody have any general advice?",0.9915,positive,faithful 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",listener_1,2,"One thing about 'the future': I don't depend on it for feelings of satisfaction or completion. Mindfulness practice has adjusted my thinking/reactions to be ""golden"" where I am in a specific moment.",0.4404,positive,faithful 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",speaker,3,"Thing is that im currently in 250k+ of loans and these last two years its accumulated. My current concern is that I'll continue not being able to perform and end up digging myself too deep. By being 'golden' I just mean achieving the goals I've worked for the last 2 decades. But you're right, practicing mindfulness could def help me decrease the anxiety thats been the biggest issue over the last year. How do you yourself practice mindfulness? Any good tips?",0.7724,positive,questioning 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",listener_1,4,"I have experience with formal meditation, but general mindfulness is best learned by practicing every action as if you were re-learning something and slowed down your perception of time to focus. In formal meditation, with strict use of posture, ""mindfulness"" is the sole point in how only the breath is followed or returned to if the mind wanders. Almost everyone can learn to train their brain and habitualize an action; rigid attachment though is a sign that ""re-learning"" is needed. Also, more than one meditation teacher will emphasize 'beginner's mind' and that is synonymous with ""practicing everything"", itself a line from Nick Nolte's character 'Socrates' in the film ""Peaceful Warrior"" (based on a book by Dan Milman)",0.9209,positive,prepared 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",speaker,5,"Thanks for that! I think doing things that cause anxiety as if I was re-learning will be very helpful. Mostly I've been focusing on how ""I know that I can do this"" and ""Why can't I no longer do this as well/efficiently as before"" which would all just cause more anxiety. I've been practicing meditatio at night, which has also helped, but maybe I'll start trying to incorporated more. Any other tips/resourses especiafically around the process of re-learning? Again though thanks so much, this was very helpful.",0.8974,positive,suggesting 1163,depressed,"After ""overcoming"" my depression in my teens, its back and treatening everything in my 30s",listener_1,6,"I learned to notice my actions and how they could be more efficient: When practicing guitar I notice my habit of using too many notes to express a blues riff. It's not unecessary criticism either, however, there can be a danger when obsessively ""practicing"" thoughts and actions -especially if a difficult person from our life nags us remotely through a mental image: My father barks at me but I rarely see him let alone talk to him. We all have a council of critics, and learning how to reduce their noise helps transfer mental force to ""the now"". I worked kitchen jobs where some dick always has to bust balls all day: when they get tired of one person, they move onto another and the boss is not immune either. Situations like that make a job harder, but we have to practice social interaction to survive. We think we are experts at dealing with others, but we can always learn something. ",-0.8467,negative,ashamed 1164,depressed,Can't Take It Much Longer - Too Volatile,speaker,1,"Hey, I am the spouse of a person suffering from depression and anxiety. I've been with this person for a good number of years now, love the heck of her and have known for some time of the low bouts that come and go. They have been more or less manageable and easy to get through quickly. 1 or 2 months. So we're currently in one of the prolonged low periods now (about 3-4 months) and it's super difficult trying to cope. I have started to exhaust myself running after things to support her and keep her happy. It's started taking a toll on me and I don't know what to do. I've started doubting myself, not sleeping well etc. having negative thoughts of inadequacy, wondering if she's stopped loving me etc. She has taken and is currently taking all the meds in the world to maintain but they don't seem to help. We have started bickering constantly, mostly about nothing significant, the frequent mood swings, ambivalence or just boring indifference, disproportionate responses to things I say or do, the joy gone, little or no sex, super tired all the time, lethargic mornings especially. She refuses to actually ""do"" therapy and only goes to see her doc to get a refill on the meds. She definitely has family history that needs to be addressed with some urgency but refuses to accept this. She has said she will not go to therapy because she is fine. She says I'm the one that's changed and has at numerous occasions questioned the relationship and says she doesn't want to continue. The only thing that seems to keep her even is work but she goes to extremes with the work load that she get stressed all over again, ups her meds because she says she can't handle it and then crashes hard and low after a few weeks or months on whichever ""project"" is going on at the time. I am at my wits end but I love her so I cannot easily leave. This has been weighing on me as the one person that I need to discuss these issues with doesn't think anything is wrong. Any suggestions?",-0.9519,negative,sad 1164,depressed,Can't Take It Much Longer - Too Volatile,listener_1,2,"Prolonged, major depression is abnormal. 'Normal health' exists, but if a person has been outside the norm for a long time, then it seems like they will never be consistently well again. It sounds like your wife has other disorders: I kept thinking ""narcissist"" in how she may use real depressive symptoms as a cover for character defects, themselves linked to narcissistic personality disorder. ",-0.8279,negative,acknowledging 1164,depressed,Can't Take It Much Longer - Too Volatile,speaker,3,"Hi, can you kindly elaborate on the narcissism? And by depression I do mean depression and anxiety.",-0.7096,negative,questioning 1164,depressed,Can't Take It Much Longer - Too Volatile,listener_1,4,"If a person drains energy from others because of their behaviors (sometimes inaction as well), they may or may not be aware of it, nor is it necessarily malignant or benign, but it's still a problem if the person is strongly reliant on 'narcissistic supply'. Look for the person who acts like a needy child, but they also appear to be adult, so no one automatically thinks of them as infantile: Small children are rightly demanding but need to be taught about impulse control and family protocols: many are stunted in their emotional growth, and they still behave like a 3 year old about such things as marriage, career, locality, or other essential situations. Co-dependency and narcissistic supply are related in how people are addicted to each other, but also their own emotions when no one else is around; narcissists feed on themselves through fantasy.",0.2145,positive,disgusted 1164,depressed,Can't Take It Much Longer - Too Volatile,speaker,5,"Yes, I have. We had a productive discussion last night. It seemed to go surprisingly well. Did not end up in a fight or crying etc. She acknowledged that she has to do work and is aware of her condition but does not want to feel pressured into it or given an ultimatum etc. I have started seeing a therapist myself. I will try to coordinate and will gently push for therapy together but just having been able to speak with her about these things has removed a ton of weight. Thank you.",0.6924,positive,trusting 1165,depressed,What must he of been thinking when he jumped off that building,speaker,1,"He was 9 months older but nevermore this summer. He must have been so alone. How come I let him drift away. Because facing my own demons was hard enough, but now he’s gone forever. My first childhood friend. He had so much more to do. What pain he was in. Now I see the signs for what they were. What is this feeling I am stuck in. I have so much guilt. And sadness for his passing. And guilt for feeling. I can’t even talk about it to others. How do you describe overwhelming pain about a friend you hadn’t seen from May till his October ending. What right do I have. Why can’t I understand. The new doubt in my life is overwhelming...",-0.9513,negative,lonely 1165,depressed,What must he of been thinking when he jumped off that building,speaker,2,I should of been there.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1165,depressed,What must he of been thinking when he jumped off that building,speaker,3,Thank you for listening ♥️ I’ll check out the sub,0.7717,positive,wishing 1166,depressed,Little fish in a big pond,speaker,1,"*I've reposted from last night this without identifiable information from the suggestion of another reader - thank you. Hello Reddit World, This is my first posting to Reddit. I've seen quite a few others and have to say, the community here seems caring and inviting.. hence my decision to share. So, let's give this a try and see what benefit comes of it... Here we go. I've been depressed for the majority of my life and have become a professional at masking it, all to my undoing I guess. In deciding to write this up I was overwhelmed with what category this should fall under. So many feeling/issues to sift through.. where do I begin? Well, the depression has always been there with me like a stray cat tagging along, so I'll start here. Let me paint a picture of who I am and how I perceive myself: I'm a 38 y.o. divorced male. I have a decent job and I consider myself a warm-hearted, generous, funny/sweet and nice guy in general. If I don't know you, I'm very shy but I'll certainly make the effort to pull my head out of it's shell for the opportunity. I was born in Australia, where the paternal side of my family still lives. I moved to the States when I was a baby, so technically I'm a full blown American. I don't have much of a relationship with the folks down under with the exception of the occasional happy holiday/birthday Facebook post. My mother's side of the family is very small and live up in NY which I've lost touch with over the years. I'm the oldest of 3 brothers. There's been a series of life events that have hurt me quite a bit and molded me into the person I am today. In seeking professional help, it's heart aching to recall and explain all of these events (as it is now), but it needs to be told to give the full breadth of my situation (life). Best way to do this is break it down in bullet points/timeline - otherwise I might have the undertaking of a novel on my hands lol. I apologize if this seems all over the place. - At age 9, Dad separated from Mom. He was an unemployed alcoholic who never really bought into the whole parental responsibility. At that age, I really strived to be dad's lil solider boy and sought his approval/likeness as much as I could. In contrast, my two little brothers feared him. So, on visitation days - I was the only one of us 3 to spend the weekend with him. I really have no memories of my father which kinda shows how uneventful my relationship was with him. I still hold my grudges for him as unhealthy as it may seem. - At age 11, Mom's health was failing at a rapid decline and no one could figure out why.. After about a year of tests, she was diagnosed with ALS. Looking back, I have to say this is where everything began to spiral downward. I had a very close relationship with my Mother and helped her a lot with taking care of my brothers. -At age 12, it was decided Mom and my Uncle (mom's brother) would sell their homes in NY, combine the sale of their homes and prepare for the inevitable. During this time, my dad moved back to Australia giving a false impression that my grandmother was very ill and he needed to see her before she died - she was never sick and is still alive to this day -healthy as an ox. -At age 13, I moved to Tampa with my Uncle to start the new school year while Mom (and brothers) stayed up in NY for treatments and finalize the sale of her house. A few months later, they flew down to be with us in Tampa. At this point, I really noticed how her mobility and speech had been diminished. Even worse, her emotions were uncontrollable and she would cry (whether happy or sad) which would just break my heart. Add on top of this, starting school in a new town with new faces was a bit of a struggle - but I managed. Over the next two years, things got considerably worse. She could no longer go to the bathroom, get into/out of bed, eat or bathe on her own. My Uncle wasn't much help and was usually very detached from a sense of urgency for care for her - to this day I feel that he might be somewhere on the autism spectrum to give you perspective. So, I stepped in whenever I could. I did a damn good job at it too and always made her feel that she was never a burden. -Skipping ahead to 15, out of the blue - we get a call at 3am on September 12, 1996 (more on that date later). It woke me up and I ran to my uncle's room, I pressed my ear against the door and can hear something really bad had happened. That morning, my Uncle and mother rounded us 3 up to tell us that our Father was waiting at a bus stop that morning in Adelaide and died of a heart attack. He was 38. This caused a dramatic rift in our future as he was planning to move back to the USA and take care of us 3. My mom was completely devastated over this. Not knowing what was to happen to her children had to be the most horrible, frightening feeling she had to live with. -10 months later (16), we lost Mom in a nursing home :'( She had this escalated/rapid case of Lou Gehrig's disease which eventually affecting the involuntary breathing. I was told she died in her sleep. I also remember being the only one who didn't want to see her after she passed - my thinking that I only wanted to remember her as happy and alive - I'm still content with making that choice to this day. I had quite a bit of hospice counselling back then and felt this existential dread looming over me all the time. - For the remainder of my high school years, I think it's a miracle I made it out alive. I was very upset and the few friends I had didn't really know how to react to it. Plus being a male, and having male friends just sucks when it comes to compassion - at least in my experience. During this same time and under our Uncle's guardianship, I sorta became an unofficial surrogate father of my brothers.. making sure their homework was done, they behaved in school, etc. At the same time, I'd be sneaking out of the house on school nights looking to get drunk/stoned any way I can. - In my early 20's, My Uncle and brother eventually moved to South Florida while I stayed in Tampa with friends.. within months that fell apart with roommates that would not pay rent and lead to eviction. So, I crawled to South Florida with a UHaul and my tail between my legs. After finding work and moving back in with Uncle/bros, I found myself exceptionally lonely - new town, don't know anyone. I decided to try online dating and eventually met someone. -During my mid 20's, my gf at the time introduced me to the club/drug culture in South Florida. I piggy-backed off of her in making friends with her crew. Of these friends, there wasn't many deep connections I could make with these people, but I went along with it. Regardless of this, I had some exciting new experiences that made me feel on top of the world at times. Other times, my old friend dread would visit quite frequently, but I became a ninja at concealing those feelings. -Moving onto my later 20's - I married my gf of 6 years. I wasn't confident in taking that step but knew nothing else - so I went for it. From within a year of marriage, the baby discussion came up and was considered. I had my reservations about having children in fear of what happened to me with my parent might happen to that child one day. I know it sounds ridiculous, but the love I have goes so deep that I would be willing to spare having children altogether if it meant avoiding what I went through - I wouldn't want them to suffer as I have. My wife at the time understood this and tried working with me on it and revisited the discussion every so often. -Hello 30's! By this time, we moved into our first home (from renting for years). We also moved into an area which was local to my then, wife's old H.S., she eventually bumped into some old friends of hers. Later down the road, our house became the hangout spot on Friday and Saturday nights for NBA games and drinks. These people in my eyes were very sketchy, always hanging outside my front doorway, extended periods in the bathroom.. But being the passive, all inviting person I am, I looked passed it. Eventually, pharmaceuticals were introduced as an alternative to the typical drinks/smoking pot we used to do. I tried it a few times.. hated how shitty I would feel afterwards, so didn't gain much interest in it. On the flipside, my ex had a fancy for it. -At 31, my wife at the time was showing signs of serious addiction issues to oxycodone. She couldn't hold a job, money always missing, hiding her ""high"" from me, missing for extended periods of times over dealers houses. I watched her lose so much weight that I could see her ribs. We were always fighting about it. I had my own issues with marijuana which made my debate for her to quit even harder. Eventually, her family and I intervened her into rehab to get cleaned up. She was gone for about 4 months and during this time, I concentrated on getting my own life in order so I can be fully committed to being there for her when she gets out. After her release, she relapsed within 2-3 months. We gave rehab another shot, and after a few more months she was out again. During this same time, my two brothers were also facing the same addiction issues with oxycodone, financial problems and homelessness. My little brother (we'll call him Jake) got his gf unexpectedly pregnant and they had a beautiful baby boy months later. With all the problems they faced, they now struggled with having a newborn in the mix. I volunteered to help take care of the baby - but my brother (in his drug induced haze) took this as me wanting to take the child from him - this was simply not the case. This caused the relationship with him to become estranged... Months went by and I eventually got a call from my middle brother (we'll call him Mark) that Jake was ill and in the hospital for several days. I called and pleaded with him for us to put our issues aside and start working towards a future together - he agreed. Soon after, I picked him up from the hospital. He caught me up on what was going on with him - the gf left him and the baby is currently with the gf's parents. We decided to work together on getting him cleaned up, working and living on his own This was in August 2012.... -32 - started my best job yet (still there). On the afternoon of September 12, 2012 I received a call at work from the Palm Beach Sheriff's office that Jake was waiting for a bus that morning.. and a witness account stated that he flicked his cigarette out and said out loud ""I don't feel good"", then collapsed, cracked his head on the curb and passed out. By the time the ambulance arrived they said they weren't able to revive him. He had a heart attack at 27 - just like my father. I still remember franticly driving through traffic to confirm it was not him - I was wrong. Out of everything that I've told so far - this was the biggest blow that I have ever felt in my life. I remember screaming so viciously and breaking down afterwards. I felt I was done with everything. What about his son??? This poor little boy now has to grow up without a father. So yes, Jake and Dad both had heart-attacks, while waiting at a bus stop on the same morning -16 years apart - what fucking luck, huh? I'm usually not superstitious, but I stay away from bus stops. Within months, my marriage was eroding and we both decided to divorce. -These past few years - Since my divorce, since the loss of my brother, I've been a pretty (pathetically) lonely guy. I find the root of my issues are that I have trouble seeking relationships whether they be friendships or romantic. I usually do okay when in a social situation but things never really ever take off from an acquaintance standpoint with people. I was involved in a 2 year relationship almost a year ago which I really invested time and love in. I had more of a connection with this woman than I ever did my ex-wife. I even turned the coin to explore having children and a life with this woman - but then after living together a few months and having a few heated arguments - she left me. I always seemed to be the one trying to patch things up and she never seemed interested in apologizing for her piece in it. I certainly wasn't a saint - but I really tried. So in retrospect - as much as I loved her (and still miss her) - we probably weren't meant to be together. As for Jake' son - After Jake' death, I sought to find and introduce myself to the mother's parents. I found them and over time built a trust. Unfortunately, the mother of my nephew is also an addict and hasn't seen her son in years. So, it feels like there is a curse that's been passed down from me to him. For the past 6 years, I pick up my nephew every other weekend and I spoil the shit out of him as much as I can at the same time trying to be the father influence in his life. We have a great relationship. I just taught him to ride a bike last month and now we are working on baseball :) I wish I could have full custody of him as I feel I am a better fit to be his guardian financially, ethically and environmentally, but his grandparents aren't willing to budge from more than a sleepover every other week (and part ways from the SS death benefit check they get every month - I told them they can keep the check if it is a matter of money). Despite all of everything that I have gone though in my life - I feel this boy is the one person who keeps me grounded, sane and actually happy. When I start to get thoughts of suicide - I think about him and how unfair it would be, and that usually gets me out of that mode. He cries just about every time I have to drop him off asking why can't he stay with me forever and visit grandma and grandpa instead - It rips my heart out every time but I save my tears for the ride home alone. I recently recovered from thyroid cancer (surgery, radiation treatment) and having to go through that alone was also a bit scary too. There's so much I've omitted for the sake of summarizing and by no means has everything been a complete disaster. There's been some good times in between, but there is so much weighted post traumatic stress I've been dealing with for so long I just don't know how to manage it anymore. The loss that I've encountered has just been too much. I recently signed back up for therapy (5th time) because I do feel talking about these things does help. The reality of it is though that I know I need a shoulder to lean on every now and then - not a therapist, but a friend, and I just don't have anything remotely to that. I'm afraid of opening up to lots of people, because I won't be able to close it. Through the years I've progressively backed myself into an introverted mess. I have a lot of social anxiety that is crippling my ability to make friends and relationships of substance. So there you have it. If you made it this far, thank you for listening to this forlorn story. I'm not sure what I'm expecting to get out of writing this but it's been boiling over in my head and this was the only way I could think of venting. I don't write very much and I'm sure after writing this for the past 2 hours, you may have noticed I strayed off a bit. I used to tell people who have heard my story that I'm a firm believer in ""what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"" - but I'm just not sure of that anymore :( I welcome any comments, feedback, suggestions on what you would do in my situation and/or if you care to share your story. Thank you for reading. “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” ― Robin Williams ",-0.5985,negative,trusting 1166,depressed,Little fish in a big pond,listener_1,2,"Start with a therapist, not a friend. This is a lot to put on someone. Friends are good to have as a support system, but not as your first line of defense in opening up all that you have keep inside and especially dealing with ptsd. I can't encourage you enough to seek out a therapist. This is someone who is both trained to listen as well as knowing how to teach you strategies to help you cope with ptsd, grieving, ways to move forward, etc. That is the best advice I can offer you right now. ",0.8309,positive,trusting 1166,depressed,Little fish in a big pond,speaker,3,"Thank you for your comments. Yes, I've been back and forth with therapy quite a bit and do understand the importance of seeking professional help. Getting back on that horse soon enough. Regardless, making meaningful friendships seems to be a lost art that seems to fade more and more these days.. another thing I really feel I need to work on. I'm sure I'll get there one day. Just really have been going through a rough patch lately. Thanks again for reading this long, drawn out post.",0.9451,positive,grateful 1167,depressed,A friend?,speaker,1,I guess I just want a friend...if not that's cool though. ,-0.1685,negative,acknowledging 1167,depressed,A friend?,listener_1,2,"Hey man, if you need anything lmk bro ",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1167,depressed,A friend?,speaker,3,Dm?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1167,depressed,A friend?,speaker,4,Private message?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1167,depressed,A friend?,listener_2,5,Sure. I might just be a little slow responding sometimes ,0.3182,positive,suggesting 1167,depressed,A friend?,speaker,6,No problem ,0.3089,positive,angry 1168,depressed,I don't want to feel happy anymore,speaker,1,It's just easier to feel sad. Why bother. ,-0.4019,negative,sad 1168,depressed,I don't want to feel happy anymore,listener_1,2,same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1168,depressed,I don't want to feel happy anymore,speaker,3,"Yeah, it's really hard to even comprehend how people can be, like, happy",0.7722,positive,acknowledging 1168,depressed,I don't want to feel happy anymore,listener_2,4,"Ya, but then I know I am thinking unhealthy thoughts about others if I disbelieve their happiness. I don't understand people who TRY to be positive; good vibes are better when they bubble up by themselves.",0.9022,positive,guilty 1168,depressed,I don't want to feel happy anymore,speaker,5,I totally agree,0.4201,positive,agreeing 1169,depressed,Ive lost everything and it's my fault,speaker,1,By no way do I over exaggerate. I lost my job because I pretended to be sick and the. I caught strepe the following week. Instant karma and I deserved it. I was fired at that point bc they no longer trusted me(rightly so). How do you get sick two weeks im a row. I was being weak. Ive been in state mind since winter hit. Its been a lot of ups and downs. But this past week was the worst. The woman i love left me. I push everyone I care about away including her. And she got tried of it. She got tried of seeing me struggle with the same problems that she eventually lost all sympathy for me. And i dont blame her. Ive been going throught the same self-perpetual cycles for as long as she known me. Im self destructive. I blame nothing and no one for the way I am. I may have seasonal depression and a troubled up-bringing. But that doesnt mean I shouldnt try my best and get better. Instead ive isolated myself. I ignore my friends when they call. Im short with ppl. And i didnt give the attention my gf needed. Bc i was to busy feeling sorry for myself. I dont blame her for breaking up with me. Or my friends for never calling anymore. Im getting what i deserve. By no means am I a bad person. But I'm certainly not a good one. Maybe i use to be. At some point I lost my way. But thats okay. Ill find it again. Ill repair my friend ships. Ill take better care of myself. Ill and prove to her that i can get better.,-0.9794,negative,ashamed 1169,depressed,Ive lost everything and it's my fault,listener_1,2,"I think you are already heading in the right direction. You have insight about pushing the people closest to you away. You should talk to a doctor to get an appointment to see a psychologist. You need to write down how you are sabotaging yourself and also write down solutions and work on making these solutions work. It will be hard for you to have another relationship until you have more stability such as holding down a job. I don't mean to be rude but I did noticed you have spelling mistakes in the above, but that might be because you are typing fast and just wanting to get things off your chest. Some employers dislike spelling errors. With the psychologist ask them for solutions if you have wracked your brain to figure out some solutions. They may have other ideas. Make them work for their money. Sometimes they will only want to talk about your pass and some I suspect want you to rehash over and over again about your pass, because let's face it this is how they make their money. All that will do, is make you feel neurotic. You need to tell them succinctly about your pass, even if it is writing down in point form what has happened to you. However if you want to move forward in your life you need to focus on solutions and actions to help you create those solutions. As you will probably realise to get what we want we need to work hard and not give up easily but if your motivation is low the psychologist can figure out if maybe you need medications too, and she will write a report to the doctor.",-0.5653,negative,proud 1169,depressed,Ive lost everything and it's my fault,speaker,3,Thanks. I'm trying to find a therapist. The only problem I have is a lack of insurance. Ive already started making changes and i feel hella better. Writing thimgs down helped a lot,0.2716,positive,grateful 1169,depressed,Ive lost everything and it's my fault,speaker,4,Keep working on it dude. And you'll get where you need to be. Ive made changes to my life (drug habit) and i already feel way better,0.4404,positive,confident 1170,depressed,What does it feel like to be on anti-depressants?,speaker,1,Do you notice a difference? A slight reprieve from the depression? Is it just numbness?,-0.7461,negative,questioning 1170,depressed,What does it feel like to be on anti-depressants?,listener_1,2,"After several weeks, symptoms will be less intense and you may get some mental space for new thoughts to grow.",0.0018,neutral,suggesting 1170,depressed,What does it feel like to be on anti-depressants?,speaker,3,Does that mean you'll start to care/feel again? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1170,depressed,What does it feel like to be on anti-depressants?,listener_1,4,Personally? Yes. Some folks may not respond the same way though: AD meds might take some trial and error but the result is worth it.,0.3291,positive,neutral 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,speaker,1,"I lack intelligence, yes I'm dumb and ugly hence my terrible grammar. My bosses are becoming verbally abusive, hence the high turnover. I don't talk back because I learned from my previous jobs to take criticism. I'm afraid of having a panic attack at work because my bosses make fun of people with mental health problems. Recently my coworkers boss told me to talk to me less because my default boss ""told me not to talk to my coworker as much"" even though my default boss never confronted me regarding this. My boss told me to dress uglier though my clothes are plain. One of the owners cares about how the employees look and it's very contradictory. I'm not doing well. I've reached my breaking point. I don't want to live. My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.",-0.977,negative,ashamed 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,listener_1,2,"Are you planning self-harm? If your resentments feel like toxic heat vapors, then you need healthy release.",0.3182,positive,questioning 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,speaker,3,Not sure. ,-0.2411,negative,apprehensive 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,speaker,4,Thank you much. I've been through too many decisions 2017-2018 and unemployed for a year after college. It's scary. ,-0.1779,negative,grateful 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,listener_2,5,Everything we go through happened for a reason. Always look to the light so that you may rise even higher than you could ever possibly imagine. Reach a point of balance in your life. May I ask you maybe a more personal question?,0.0258,neutral,hopeful 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,speaker,6,Sure. I'm ashamed of being unemployed a year after college and and severely underemployed. It's been almost three years since college I feel like a burden.,-0.6369,negative,ashamed 1171,depressed,My job is pushing me to the edge. Coworkers pointed that my boss is harsh on me compared to the rest of the team. Boss eyes me up and down. Blames me for the company shortcomings. They treat me like I'm dumb.,listener_1,7,"I stopped thinking I was completely ""dumb and ugly"": I like some of my physical features and I have skillsets and insights; however, I am slow, and my history of incompetence is a sign of my mental disorders. You have the insight to see yourself proportionally.",-0.8707,negative,proud 1172,depressed,Family,speaker,1,"I recently opened up about my change of faith. My in laws are all Christians and I no longer consider myself one. Needless to say my eyes opened up, I realized that no matter how close you are to in laws at the end of the day you're still an outsider. Some reactions I got were terrible. I expected support and love, and got some negativity from a select few. This just makes me feel like I can never truly ever get close to anyone again. I fear I can never truly be myself or open my soul up because it will only cause those around me to be negative and hurtful. For the first time in a while I truly feel like life is lonely, because there isn't many you can even 100% be yourself with",-0.8265,negative,trusting 1172,depressed,Family,listener_1,2,"Loneliness is sometimes a very much needed thing (: it can bring out the best in us if we are willing. If people can’t accept you for who you truly are, then you must cut them out of your life. Toxic relationships hurt the soul. If you don’t want or can’t cut them out, then try to work with them. If they still won’t accept you, then that is when you must let them go",0.7506,positive,lonely 1172,depressed,Family,speaker,3,"Thank you. I use my pain for inspiration in my art. So in a way I'm grateful for it, I can be an emotional masochist in a way because of this, although I do not seek the pain.",0.7353,positive,sentimental 1172,depressed,Family,speaker,4,I agree. It's going to be difficult to fully open up but when I find those worthy (meaning they show the capacity of being an unconditional friend) of my time I'll try,0.8462,positive,trusting 1173,depressed,I need help anyone..,speaker,1,"I have lost my mind, I was rejected at Kaiser Permanente for a certified pharmacy tech position for the 2nd time!!!!????? I had been applying for 2 years, been jobless since. I left my last job because I was interviewed at Kaiser but rejected not once but 2 times now!!!! Within those 2 years I was caring for my poor dog Leo who had lymphoma and died horrendously in my hands, my first ever bf left me after 7 years who I was dating secretly behind my parents back because they would never allow me to have friends let alone a bf! NOW I have no job no life no friends nothing! I went for the interview again finally last week and GOT REJECTED AGAIN!!!! I was more then qualified for the stupid on-call position. I'm turning 26 this August and won't have health insurance under mommy anymore ya? YA!!! I still live with my parents who treat me nothing more then a house maid cooking and cleaning everyday and the taunts have become unbearable for not being able to help them financially...I can't do it anymore please I rather die then go through another day like this.. I have applied everywhere for EVERYTHING! God hasn't been on my side at all I have no resources noone to talk to I need help anyone any small advise anything please... I dont want to give up I want to work I need to get the hell out of my parents house but help them financially too without them dictating everything I say, I do.. where I work..what I wear, how I look....everything! I want to be treated like a 25 year old not 15 anymore. I want to be able to breath on my own I can't take it anymore.. I NEED A JOB, LIFECOACH MAYBE IDK! A career change? I couldnt even finish my associates degree so thats another issue finding a good job I guess thats why I'm extremely upset for not being able to get that job at Kaiser Permanente because they offer great pay and benefits and pharmacy is all I've know for the last 5 years. I have been looking into IT careers, came across some free online academy offering courses but am so clueless where to start. I need help learning about becoming a Tester , Software tester, QA something entry level ANYTHING!!!? Not sure but anything that'll get me a job in the IT field since its become such a promising career for folks but I don't knoe anyone personally to talk to. I have no experience/knowledge about computer science but I'm an extremely hard worker and fast learner! I'm getting these dark thoughts and have become hopeless not being able to land any kind of job, please help anyone... I need help, I want to have a normal life like everyone, a normal job I want to live life on my own terms I need to get out of here please..",0.8337,positive,devastated 1173,depressed,I need help anyone..,listener_1,2,> I want to live life on my own terms... Please ask yourself how realistic that is without accepting all the stuff you cannot control. ,0.1068,positive,apprehensive 1173,depressed,I need help anyone..,listener_1,3,"When can you ""live life on your own terms""? Usually it is best to live life on ""life's terms"". So, if we live on life's terms, we respect what we cannot control, and know what we can control.",0.8074,positive,faithful 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,speaker,1,"Anybody, please.",0.3182,positive,questioning 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,listener_1,2,I’m here bud,0.0,neutral,joyful 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,speaker,3,"Thank you my man, appreciate it.",0.6369,positive,wishing 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,speaker,4,You're amazing dude.,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,speaker,5,"Thank you so very much, same goes.",0.3612,positive,wishing 1174,depressed,I need somebody who cares....,listener_2,6,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 1175,depressed,Wrong Choices?,speaker,1,"Hi guys. Recently I broke off a friendship with two friends, one a complete douche and the other my best friend of 5 years. The best friend and I have been growing apart because we go to different schools and she pushed me away after confessing something to me but after a talk with my aunt it made me realize all the crap she has done over the years. I decided to break it off but now I feel bad and more depressed than ever. She was never there for me anyways but I kinda want to take it back. I don't know what to do because we already apologized and said our goodbyes. Now I have one internet friend and that's it. I'm not sure what to do except be sad and depressed. I'll probably skip my graduation so I don't have to see either of them. ",-0.8665,negative,sad 1175,depressed,Wrong Choices?,listener_1,2,"Sure I don't know the whole story but your aunt kinda knew it, so I'm with her. You should just move on and look for the brighter future since you're graduating anyways. I know it's not gonna be easy tho but I'm pretty sure there's a lot of people (family maybe?) that you can start to talk to. I'm here too.",0.8478,positive,trusting 1175,depressed,Wrong Choices?,speaker,3,Thank you 😭. My aunt said she knew it was the right choice and she said she really didn't like my friend because of what she has done so I'll trust her judgment ,-0.2589,negative,trusting 1175,depressed,Wrong Choices?,listener_1,4,"I wish I helped you even for a little bit :) . If you need someone to talk to for any kind of shit, don't hesitate to count me in. I'm almost on the same situation as yours but the only difference is you have that one good internet friend. ",0.8696,positive,acknowledging 1176,depressed,"Please ignore, I just need to put this rubbish in black and white. (The spelling and grammar will be poor as it's midnight now and I'm on my phone)",speaker,1,"Ever since I was little, my dad always told me ""life is shit and then you die There is no point worrying about small things that don't matter. So stop worrying and make the most of it. You've only got one"" Those words have stuck with me for 22 years. I've not worried about much and I've always been that happy go lucky guy. I've been the rock of my ever shrinking group of friends helping out others and being a shoulder to cry on for those who need it. It seems things have changed, I'm now rather sad, I can't pin down what exactly caused but I just can't seem to go back to how I was and people have noticed. My family keep asking me if things are okay and I tell them yes of course I've nothing to worry about and the same goes for those who I work with, ""hey George, you didn't wave at this this morning and pull a funny face, you alright?"" I keep brushing it off as I'm fine just a little distracted is all. But I can't keep doing that forever. I suppose my issue is with myself. I'm Terrible at talking about feelings which is why all relationships of mine have failed and I also just hate myself. I look at myself every morning and I just think, Christ. What the hell is wrong with you why do you look like that. Why do you act like that? No wonder you're alone and no wonder people don't want you around. I used to get invited to the pub alot to have drinks and a few laughs, now they tell me nothing is going on, all while Snapchat and Instagram show them all having fun without me. I guess it's better for them, who would want me around anyway? I can't even stand myself. The second I'm alone I think of things I could do that would distract me from my thoughts Maybe I really should just go to that bridge and just let go. But what about mum and dad? Alice and Faye? How would they take it? I would be just passing my pain on to them and that isn't fair... It would be selfish of me to do such a thing. Especially since they wouldn't ever understand because they just think I'm happy and that life is great. Do you want to know what's ironic? Back in secondary school I used to laugh at people who were depressed and say things like ""Cheer up"", ""life isn't that bad"" and ""get over it"" all the while years later here I am... Posting online my deepest secret because I can't tell anyone else. To all those I said those things too, I am really sorry. Now I am going through the same things as you did, I understand how you felt and I just want you to know, I'm sorry. If I had known I wouldn't have ever said a thing it was stupid of me. Will I ever be my old self? Or a better self? Or will I just continue my life with this dark cloud over my head? I just want to be like everyone else. Great jobs, plenty of friends, girls who like me and happy. All I have is the internet, and not even there do people want to hear me moaning and whining about my life.",0.9754,positive,faithful 1176,depressed,"Please ignore, I just need to put this rubbish in black and white. (The spelling and grammar will be poor as it's midnight now and I'm on my phone)",listener_1,2,"You shouldn’t worry about your friends social media posts, comparing yourself to others can’t really serve you in any positive way. You don’t really know how their lives are through that, they could also be hurting on the inside too. So I’d recommend just focusing on your own self-growth and inner self to get out of this mood.",0.5965,positive,suggesting 1176,depressed,"Please ignore, I just need to put this rubbish in black and white. (The spelling and grammar will be poor as it's midnight now and I'm on my phone)",speaker,3,"It isn't anything Really to do with social media. In fact I actually hate it and hardly use it. It is how people are in person always happy no matter what is going on, no one talks about how they Really feel. I'm trying to work on myself and focus on me, I've joined a gym in hopes that will fix my body hating self",-0.4164,negative,jealous 1176,depressed,"Please ignore, I just need to put this rubbish in black and white. (The spelling and grammar will be poor as it's midnight now and I'm on my phone)",listener_2,4,"That’s great that you’re going to the gym! Just keep at it and don’t fall off. Once you see that progress you’re going to be making, you’ll feel a ton more confident and loving of yourself. Your mind body and soul appreciate when you take care of them (: Self Love is something everyone must have. An unconditional love for yourself will also help spread that to others around you, and your life will change in a heartbeat. You can’t fully love everyone and everything else without going within and finding everything that you don’t love about yourself, and learn to love them. Don’t let your ego get to you though, this is not having a huge ego. I have more we can talk about if you would like to PM (: sending love and light 💖",0.9964,positive,proud 1176,depressed,"Please ignore, I just need to put this rubbish in black and white. (The spelling and grammar will be poor as it's midnight now and I'm on my phone)",speaker,5,"I thought it would be a great positive step to take, before I fall in to a pit of darkness Which would become hard/impossible to get out of. I don't know if I could ever go as far as sucide because I wouldn't want to pass on my own pain to family and friends. I really hope as the weeks go on, I'll see progress and start to feel confident. I know you can't rush these things and really need to stick to it. I got my boss at work to change my working pattern to make it easier to get in to a routine and allow me to go 4 days a week to really push myself and speed up my strength gain. I very much appreciate your kind words, I'm not really used to them. You are right though. People do need to love themselves and only through that will it spread to other people. I will take you up on a PM, it would be nice to have someone to talk to :) ",0.9913,positive,hopeful 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,speaker,1,"Hello, i want to think that i am not only a unique person (well obviously every person in the world is unique) but i am also a unique depressed patient. I hated myself since i was 15 years old (today i am 30 years old) until my early 20sh i was blaming myself but today i throw all my anger, frustration and hate to my parents (with whom i still live in the same house), one of the many things that i wish is that i never wanted to be born, i really want to commit suicide but i can't do it because i am not a brave person and i am afraid of dying. Well besides all those things that i think make me a quite serious depressed person the reason that i am saying that depression is incurable is because as everyone knows even with the best doctors working around the clock with you they can't help you at all if you don't want to help yourself, so yeah i strongly believe that my depression will never be cured because i simply DON'T want to help myself. My life has already ended, i am just a hollow shell of my previous self, for the last 10 years if i gather all the hours that i spend outside the house i am sure that they are less than 24 hours, my only true friend is my computer where i spend at least 10-15 hours per day. It's also important to mention that for all those years (at least 5-6 of them) i was seeing a psychologist but as i said above he can't help me at all because i stubbornly refuse any help and what bothers me the most is that when i ask him if i will ever be cured even though i so stubbornly don't want to help myself then he says ""YES, you will be cured"" but this just creates a chain reaction because it makes me even more determined to prove him and everyone else wrong. So to finish this post as you probably understood right now i am 30 years old, i am sitting in front of my computer as i did 10 years ago and as i will continue to do for all the years to come until i die. My depression will never be cured and how depressed people got cured is just beyond me.",-0.9956,negative,ashamed 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_1,2,I don't think it can be cured but the feeling can definitely go down over time. I'm not as depressed as i used to be. With that being said I wish the best to you.,0.9596,positive,wishing 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,3,"for the majority of people it is situational and temporary and will be cured if help is sought. For others who are genetically predisposed, it can be a life long battle. And while I fall in the latter, I also know that that is a far lower percentage than the former. ",-0.2732,negative,agreeing 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,speaker,4,"Hmm i think that i understood how depressed people can be cured, after a period of time (probably many years) they somehow understand how to become normal people again and they finally help themselves but i can't see how this can apply to me, i hate myself and i will never do something good about myself and i am sure that nothing will change to my life because i will be in this same house and this same room even after 10 or 20 years later. As for ""this is your choice"" i disagree about that because well i don't believe in god but i do believe in fate (don't argue about that please, i don't want to start a religious argument) so i was destined to become what i became from the moment i was born and that's why i don't understand how my doctor can be so sure that one day i will be cured when all i see is darkness, i don't want to change or help myself and i even reject any help from other people so i am 100% sure that i will be 50 or 60 years old and i will still be in my parent's house and my childhood room.",0.0245,neutral,jealous 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,5,"Good luck with that outlook. I don't believe in a god or fate, but you have done everything- by doing absolutely nothing- to make your supposed destiny come true. You apparently think you should just be miraculously fixed by no effort on your own. You will be living in your parents' house because you are doing absolutely nothing to end up otherwise. Depression or not, living the life you want takes effort. A fairy godmother doesn't appear and poof, life is exactly as you want it. This is like complaining you will never learn to dance while also refusing to ever take a dance lesson. This has been completely your choice. And even those who believe in fate would never say do absolutely nothing because your entire life is predetermined. I'll be honest. I've dealt with depression my entire life and I work my ass off trying to help myself in any way possible. You are just being whiny. You pride yourself in rejecting all efforts by you or others to be helped yet whine about not getting better. So if when you are 50 or 60 you are still in your childhood bedroom, that was your own doing and you have only yourself to blame. ",-0.9372,negative,disappointed 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_3,6,Lovin your thoughts here. (mod is not taking sides).,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,speaker,7,"I believe in fate because i didn't choose my parents or if i could choose i wouldn't be born at all and of course i blame myself all the time for my very existense, i really just want to die because i am just a burden to my parents but i am not brave enough to commit suicide, i don't really know if i am whinning or not but i just want to understand my sickness because my doctor does not tell me or he does not give me to understand what kind of depression i have. Also i just don't understand how people who feel so bad can find the strength to start doing normal things like going outside with friends or even find a job, etc and cure themselves from the depression.",-0.9615,negative,afraid 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,8,"Being born isn't fate. That's like saying the exact cake that I made at 2:53pm today was fated to exist. No, DNA combined, created a human, and that turned out to be you. You are whining when you are complaining about something but adamantly refuse to do anything about it. Like I said, if you complain that you'll never learn to dance but absolutely refuse to take a dance class, what other outcome would you expect? If you don't want to keep living like this, do something and get help. And be willing to help yourself. And again, depression isn't magically cured. It takes work. And if you aren't willing to do it, then you can't complain about your situation. There is nothing and no one standing in the way of you beginning to get better than you and yourself alone. There are people trapped in shitty situations because of money, family, disabilities, war... the list goes on. You are trapped by nothing other than your own refusal to do shit about it. ",-0.975,negative,disappointed 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_4,9,I've been depressed my entire life. I know for a fact that pushing myself beyond what I thought was possible is the only way I have achieved any sort of satisfaction out of life. ,-0.1761,negative,confident 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,10,same with me,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,11,"ha, I'm a mod, too. ",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_3,12,I hope you knew that I knew that?,0.4404,positive,questioning 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_2,13,"Since there are three of us, I figured you would. :) But I often gloss over usernames and I didn't distinguish it as a mod comment.",0.25,positive,embarrassed 1177,depressed,Why everyone say that depression is curable ??,listener_3,14,Good to see you here; I don't want to hog the spotlight...haha.,0.3975,positive,sympathizing 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,speaker,1,"tl;dr: I am in a lot of pain emotionally about lack of ever being in a romantic relationship. I don’t know if this goes here, but I really just need to vent if that’s okay. Hopefully it doesn’t get deleted. In a romantic sense, I am so tired of being lonely. I am okay with being alone but I am not okay being lonely, and that fuels my depression more efficiently than anything else. I’m relatively young but in my personal opinion and because I have an old soul, I feel like I should already be in a long term relationship with someone I care about. But my feelings toward someone are never reciprocated. I have enough people telling me “you’re young, you’ll find someone,” but that isn’t the point. One point is that double standards exists between men and women and so if a guy does or says something it is interpreted differently then if a girl does it. Another point is that it’s unfair for people who have been so insensitive and immature and who have hurt me to find happiness before me when they don’t deserve it, though I know that’s not for me to judge. But it rips me apart inside. I feel like my medication has nothing to do with this as it’s an ongoing situation for me, and changing my medicine in the past never worked out well. I don’t know if this is just a particularly rough patch but I don’t feel happy and I don’t want to feel happy. I don’t want to be positive, I don’t want to feel better. I don’t want to continually believe things will be different when they never are, at least in this sector of my life. This is the only part of my life I am depressed about. The rest of it is pretty good, or as good as being a college student with a part time job can get. I’m unsure about my future but not depressed about it. The people who continue to believe in love are brave, but I don’t think I am one of those people. I don’t want these feelings of hurt anymore. It’s such a heavy burden to carry. No one else in my family has depression and so they wouldn’t get this. I’ve already talked to my friends about this and they are always supportive but I would just like someone to let me wallow and just be there and agree with me. I am sad and hopeless and just tired. ",0.9823,positive,sad 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,listener_1,2,I have had feels just like you and worse about everything in my life so I get it. I will say just embrace it and don't force it. Find a hobby. Or a TV show and distract yourself. Not sure what you into but anime has always helped for me because they have so many characters anyone can relate to. Not sure if this helps but hopefully it gets better for you. Also try working out. It may take time to get where you'd want but it's rewarding seeing that progress and realizing down the line you in better shape than those who turned you down. Use the pain as motivation,0.9632,positive,consoling 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,speaker,3,"It just gets so rough. I like to be alone, but I hate being lonely. I’m a pretty, intelligent and strong-willed girl, and yet not one person I’ve had feelings for has ever reciprocated feelings for me. It’s sad and frustrating. ",-0.8233,negative,lonely 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,listener_2,4,"Same. Lots of people ask me stuff along the lines of ""where's the girlfriend?"" ""why no girlfriend?"" ""you're so cute"" ""awesome hair"". Stuff like that. Yet I've never gotten one besides this woman I didn't like but I was desperate and dated her for like 10 days",0.6572,positive,jealous 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,speaker,5,"I get it. Everyone asks me about a boyfriend as well, or if I’m dating anyone ever. But I have high standards for myself. I refuse to be with someone I’m not physically attracted or emotionally attracted to. ",-0.1401,negative,faithful 1178,depressed,I’m in so much pain.,speaker,6,"I totally understand what you mean. Self sabotage is a big thing for me. And I’ve gotten a lot better at it but it’s still rough. If you want to PM me, we can talk more about this! Lol",0.7477,positive,agreeing 1179,depressed,I feel like everything is made up and i'm a pretentious bitch,speaker,1,"I can't decide what emotions are real and which ones I FORCE myself to feel. There's a disconnect and I can't close it. There is no control in my life, everything feels like its just floating around. I am kinda scared, but at the same time I know that if something were to happen that everyone would get over it. I feel numb or whatever. There is no tangible future for me. ",-0.7617,negative,apprehensive 1179,depressed,I feel like everything is made up and i'm a pretentious bitch,listener_1,2,I feel the same thing. I feel so lost and disconnected from reality.,-0.4572,negative,lonely 1179,depressed,I feel like everything is made up and i'm a pretentious bitch,speaker,3,"A sense of loss, anger, despair, cut-off, without a purpose, like i'm absolute trash, i'm a failure. Empty. It's crazy because you'd think that I would be over feeling like this; I mean, i'm 20yrs old but no matter how far I run it always catches up. ",-0.7626,negative,sad 1179,depressed,I feel like everything is made up and i'm a pretentious bitch,speaker,4,"It's like being in a glass box and everyone around you is moving in thick water, but for some reason you are the one out of place. ",0.1901,positive,afraid 1180,depressed,So.. What do you do?,speaker,1,"What do you to try to ignore the pain? Is it a good thing, or do you know it's not productive and it will probably make you more depressed in the (near) future? How did you come up with this (non-)activity? Does it work? What would you advise me to do? What would you want a friend to advise yourself to do?",-0.6063,negative,questioning 1180,depressed,So.. What do you do?,listener_1,2,"I've heard running works. If you give over to r/running, one of the main reasons people started running was to get over some sort of depression. They used the physical pain as a motivator to get healthy as well as a distraction from the negative thoughts. Also therapy; but in that case you don't ignore the pain. You face it and try to make sense of it.",0.2075,positive,neutral 1181,depressed,Just a quick rant about why I feel this way.,speaker,1,"I've always been someone to take a shot to the chin and keep going. I've always thought of myself as tough, but recently I feel like I've stared to break down. I work in an industry that's pretty hard to break into, and I've had a little success in the past. Meaning I've broken into it and had a job or two. My last long term job came almost a year ago and I have barely had a full week of work since. Every day I send out emails to my contacts, apply for jobs online, and call people I know, to little or no avail. Everyone I talk to tells me how everyone they know says how great I am to work with, how hard I work, and how well respected I am in the industry. If that's the case, why can I not even get a call back for a lowly assistant position? I get so depressed and frustrated that I don't even want to get out of bed. Every day I think about leaving this industry and starting over, but I am so passionate about this field, and want so badly to succeed in this industry that I can't bring myself to quit, if nothing else for fear of feeling like more of a failure than I already do. In addition to this, my personal/love life is shit as well. I haven't gotten laid in over a year and haven't been in a relationship since, well, ever I don't think. I go on these dating apps, but that just makes me feel worse. I can swipe right for weeks at a time without so much as a single match. The people I do end up matching with, I usually only swiped on just because I swipe right on basically everyone, and they never message me back anyway. I'm short, balding, and have gotten out of shape because most days I don't feel like going to the gym even though I know I should. My parents recently split up and I have a hard time dealing with that as well. Long story short, my dad was cheating on my mom for a long time, and now that they've split, he's still with the woman who destroyed my family. My mom doesn't really have anyone to talk so, so she vents all her frustrations to me. I talk to my mom a lot, probably more than most people my age. I don't mind that because I love my mom, but I don't like hearing about all of this. I don't want to have a negative impression of my dad, but seeing all the shit he's done really makes me angry. I just spent some time with him, and I had a great time. He doesn't talk about all this shit to me, but I see him texting his girlfriend, and that a photo of the two of them is his phone wallpaper and it makes my blood boil. I want him to be happy, and I don't care if he has a girlfriend now that he and my mom are split, but literally anyone else but her. Literally anyone else I would be fine with. Just not the cunt that destroyed my family and made me and my mom so miserable for so long. On top of all that, I live with a roommate who I fucking hate, but can't move out because I can't really afford another place in this area since we have such a good deal on the rent here. Sorry for the long post. I just had to vent and get this all out there and tell someone about it. ",-0.9111,negative,confident 1181,depressed,Just a quick rant about why I feel this way.,listener_1,2,Can't reveal post views but you have been heard/read.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1181,depressed,Just a quick rant about why I feel this way.,speaker,3,"Thank you. That's all I ask for. Not sure why the downvotes, I was just sharing how I feel.",0.5168,positive,disappointed 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,1,"But hey, at least I don't have to live with a slob anymore. Gotta rant a little, just trying to blow off steam. I put up with her trashyness, lazyness, and attention seeking attitude, and she is the one to tell me I gave up to easy. She finally took the rose colored glasses off and saw some things about me (i can be harsh and I almost always have a harsh tone even when i don't mean it) and was apparently talking to her ex the whole time behind my back. She admitted to that. I mean. What is this? HighSchool? She has never lived on her own before and has almost always had stuff handed to her. She came from an abusive family but I think her parents would buy her stuff just to get her to shut up about things. She was paying me for the car. Total so far was about $560 and I was going to surprise her by just signing the title over to her for her birthday so she could have something for herself. When she broke up with me I went ahead and did it early so she could gtfo faster. I have my own vehicles. An electric bike and a Dodge Durango. I got the car pretty cheap so I'm not out a whole lot. I'm just lonely now. Why do some people suck? Is it me? Tell me it's me so I can change myself.",-0.9581,negative,angry 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,2,Writing this helped me feel a little better. At least temporarily.,0.3832,positive,content 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,3,"It's not so much about loosing her, it's that I don't really have any friends anymore.",0.5209,positive,lonely 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_1,4,"I know what you mean, I think we're just at that age where this happens, however, a good portion of those people we knew a few years back are thinking the same thing right now; I think we should be more outgoing, maybe try calling up some of your older friends from a few years back? ",0.8173,positive,suggesting 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,5,If I could find them I might do that. I don't use facebook so it might be kind of difficult.,-0.4201,negative,suggesting 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_1,6,"You could always make one, or maybe hop on a mutual friend's account the next time you're with them? Also, maybe calling a bunch of people to come hang out together would be nice. You should do what my friend Keenan does; every weekend he invites like 6 people to his house and we all smoke bud and play Smash! It's really fun Edit: we were all friends in high school too ",0.9508,positive,suggesting 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,7,sounds cool.,0.3182,positive,acknowledging 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_1,8,"Listen man, I'm kind of in a similar boat as you. Thats why I want to give you advice. I feel your position, we should all be helping each other ",0.3612,positive,agreeing 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_1,9,"I would also try going to public places/conventions lot more, they're always so much more fun than initially speculated, and you'll be constantly meeting new people that way ",0.5936,positive,suggesting 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,10,"yeah, my room has doubled in size after i got her stuff out.",0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,11,"I think they where together for about 3 months on and off in a long distance relationship. She broke up with him when I helped her move out of her abusive adoptive dad's house and he agreed that it was a good idea since he also had interests in someone else as well, and lived about 100 miles away and really couldn't help her. Her adoptive dad would't let her hang out with anyone so she had to go for a walk just to get away long enough to hang out for an hour or two. It was a stupid thing for me to do for someone that I had also only known for a month and a half. Her and I lived together in a relationship for a little over a year. We had our differences but we usually just talked it out.",-0.4438,negative,trusting 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_2,12,she was in a relationship with him for only 3 MONTHS and after a month and a half she's still hanged up over her ex? wow thats really weird coz the last relationship i had before my current one. It lasted for 2 years and a half...even after a whole year i could still feel some leftover affection for my ex despite not talking to him since break up. I met my current SO 2 years after i broke up with my ex. Maybe she didn't have enough closure with her last one? Coz wow youve been together 4 times longer than her relationship with him. If she's still hang up over some ex she barely was with (3 months and long distance) then she doesn't deserve someone like you ok? you'll meet a much better woman soon since i was able to meet a guy who would treat me the way i wanted to be treated 2 years after the end of my longest relationship :) ,0.9353,positive,jealous 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,13,Thanks for your help. I think the saddest part about it is my dog roaming around the house looking for her and waiting by the bathroom door because that is where my ex spent a significant amount of time due to digestive issues. Edit: It may have been 6 months on and off. I don't remember what she told me. Also she broke up with him when I helped her move out. At that time she hadden't seen him in at least a month and a half I think. It's been a whole year and my memory is fuzzy.,-0.1027,negative,sentimental 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",listener_2,14,awwww ): the worst part of break ups is indeed the part where a pet of an ex wont see you ever again for a reason they dont understand and it just breaks my heart ))): just know that its over with and you know for yourself that you're in a much better place without her.. for now just focus on yourself ok? self care is very important during a break up period,0.6697,positive,agreeing 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,15,Thanks. I may be starting a new job and will hopefully have my finances at a point where I can continue flight school which starts up this fall.,0.6808,positive,hopeful 1182,depressed,"25, gf broke up with me for another guy, no friends who have time to hang out anymore because they have kids/work too much.",speaker,16,"it sucks, but things are getting better.",0.4767,positive,consoling 1183,depressed,Eating alive.,speaker,1,"I don't know how to explain it better. I can't falls asleep, there's too much thoughts in my head circulating. It's tiring. I'm starting to hear voices or I get the feeling that some things happened when not. I can't do anything right now, just laying in my bed, overthinking and going crazy. I have the feeling of not knowing who I am anymore. I feel shattered and each piece doesn't know each other. I feel like a stranger to myself. I'm supposed to write a short novel, and I know clearly what I want, but I can't do it. I dropped out of college because I feel stupid. I'm not learning anything, I don't understand a lot things they explain and shit like that. I don't know what to do and I have no one. I feel like I can't count on no one. They're probably tired of my whinning. I feel like I have no idea how to live. I feel so alone and misunderstood.",-0.9134,negative,sad 1183,depressed,Eating alive.,listener_1,2,"What aspects of your life can you work on in terms of nutrition, sleep, social interactions? Or have you given up?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1183,depressed,Eating alive.,speaker,3,"I haven't given up completely, because I feel like I need to go to a therapist or a psychologist. And I will but till the 30th so I need to wait still. ",0.1901,positive,apprehensive 1183,depressed,Eating alive.,listener_1,4,Sometimes I just focused on 'future fantasy' but also let them go when I needed to get real. ,0.2023,positive,nostalgic 1184,depressed,i don't know what to do anymore,speaker,1,"hello so i suffer with panic attacks but been going to therapy about 1 year as well as taking meds and went from being unable to stay home alone to staying alone and even being able to go out alone as well, like to the mall i even took driving lessons and earned my license sometimes i still have panic attacks because of some hard to shake feelings about some places like college (which i still attend to) also hormones, i'm a female and pms really affects me i had a panic attack today a little after class and usually when they are pretty bad i call my mom to talk to me and calm me down, but today she hanged up on me and when i try calling back she wouldn't pick up, she also sent a lot of messages telling how useless, selfish and rude i am, and that i'm a terrible person she said to look into the mirror and see the terrible person i am and why nobody would ever like me the point is this past months i've been really happy with myself with some resolutions i made about my future (i'm 21) and my lifestyle, i'm a introvert who doesn't like to go out much or hangout a lot of the time, but still love my friends and i have really close friends who like me but my mother told me i'm wrong and always wrong and the way i live and the choices i make all are bad for myself and that she is worried of dying and leaving me alone because i'm so useless and won't be able to do anything that i'm a terrible person to deal with, that she loves me but i'm doing everything wrong and always doing things only for myself, that i'm incapable of helping others ... i don't see myself that way and i'm finally being happy again but she said everything about myself is wrong i don't know what to do, i usually would shake it off assuming she's wrong but she's so adamnt i can't help but think i'm the worst person ever and that i only bring suffer to my parents and brother i really want to kill myself but i'm too scared to even do that and even typing this makes me scared, i don't know what to do",-0.9974,negative,neutral 1184,depressed,i don't know what to do anymore,listener_1,2,I think you should start calling a friend instead. Work out with them who would be willing to talk with you and when they're generally available. If this behavior from your mother is new I'd be worried that something might be wrong with her. If this is common then she is actively trying to keep you down. She probably needs you to rely on her and is afraid of you getting better. In the States you can call the suicide prevention lifeline 1-800-273-8255. They are there 24/7 willing to help people through distress.,-0.4767,negative,suggesting 1184,depressed,i don't know what to do anymore,speaker,3,"the main reason I got through the night was talking with my friends and my gf, unfortunately we live in different states, so I can't count of them so much IRL physically, but they do help me a lot emotionally my mother has been doing this since i started having panic attacks when i was 11, she even said when i was about 14 that she would rather have me kill myself so could stop making her suffer. the problem is when i tell her or my dad about it they disregard it as if i was talking nonsense and as if there was nothing wrong with it and merely treat it as something she said while emotionally unstable. sometimes i feel like i'm the crazy one because of this. when i was about 12 and was suffering from really bad panic attacks she freaked out and gave up on me, filled a bag with my clothes and said she would throw me on the sidewalk and leave me there. when she told my dad that he just agreed with her, but if i tell them this they just dismiss it nowadays. i feel like every argument i try to have with them i have already lost before even starting it, because no matter what i say my father always sticks up with her and makes me feel like the wrong one. the only person who tries to mediates this is my older brother, but he moved to a different city and only comes by the weekends now. the conclusion i have about all this is that she will never understand me as i am and never accept the choices i made. she woke up today like nothing happened because she thinks i accepted all she said to me and that i'm completely ""wrong"" about everything and she ""won"" the argument. she is only satisfied when everyone acts the way she expects them. when i decided to change my major from engineering to art she was adamant against it and i had to do a full year of engineering before finally being able to change, and thats because my father kind of supported me. when i told her later how she stopped me from pursuing the career i wanted to, she said i was wrong and it wasn't like that. i'm sorry for the long post but i'm really depressed and this time i'm just really considering that i might be the crazy one and this terrible person she talks about. my gf and my friend both said i'm not this person she said but now i'm not so sure. maybe i'm a terrible person. i don't know anymore. i don't know what to do. i feel depressed and terrible but i have no money to move out from here and am afraid even if i tried, since my mother didn't even let me sleep yesterday at my grandmas house after this argument and said that if i left she would never let me come back. still, she says she loves me and that she is worried, but after i all this years i don't think i have a lot more empathy for her and that makes me feel like this horrible person she said i am. i don't know who i am anymore. i don't know if i was wrong all this time because some people say i'm not. i won't be trying to kill myself but i feel much the urge to hurt myself and break things around me because i feel so much pain just for being this terrible existence that brings suffering to my family and that they would be well off with just my brother, who is a med graduate and works as a doctor, earning more than they might ever expect me to with my future bachelors in arts. i'm sorry for talking so much, i'm sorry",-0.999,negative,trusting 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,speaker,1,My therpist sent me home with homework and asked me how I can measure happiness. I literally have no idea how. I’m beyond stumped. How am I supposed to measure something that I don’t feel like I have in my life. I don’t understand what he’s asking of me. ,0.5994,positive,annoyed 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,listener_1,2,"IMHO she asked you to evaluate what things matter to you. My depression was helped with perspective. If you can find something that matters to you it gives you a place to start. Maybe its a goal to set? Do you think you could be happy if you accomplished any particular goal? This isn't about what she wants, its about what you want for yourself. And its also not about what you think other people in your life want for you. ",0.6199,positive,suggesting 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,speaker,3,Idk weightloss is my only goal atm. Nothing else really matters right now and that’s barely making the cut. Thank you for your opinion because I was honestly stumped and I didn’t wanna go back in a week and be like well idk.,0.733,positive,neutral 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,listener_1,4,"My wife has struggled with weight loss as long as we have been together. She has been doing really well these last few years. It hasn't been easy for her and I've done everything I can to support her. If you want to talk about your issues privately feel free to pm me, I'll be glad to give you any advise or things we have learned together over the years that worked for her. ",0.6795,positive,caring 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,speaker,5,Thank you. 😁,0.6705,positive,wishing 1185,depressed,I’m pretty slow guys....,speaker,6,Yea but that’s why I’m stumped he wants me to physically be able to measure it so we can make goals using this measurement.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1186,depressed,Toughest week in a while,speaker,1,This is my first time posting but I figured this might help. This week has been one of the worst weeks in a while. The weather has been horrible where I am and haven’t really felt like going anywhere. I couldn’t do anything right this week. I keep dropping things. A couple days ago I even dropped dinner I was making for my family all over the floor and that made things worse. Not really sure what to do to get over it. Being a Hispanic male growing up being depressed wasn’t a “thing”. Also being a war veteran you get used to just sucking it up and ignoring it but it seems to be getting harder to do that also. ,-0.9761,negative,devastated 1186,depressed,Toughest week in a while,listener_1,2,Been a tough week for me too. ,-0.128,negative,agreeing 1186,depressed,Toughest week in a while,speaker,3,Sorry to hear that hopefully next week is better for both of us,0.6486,positive,consoling 1186,depressed,Toughest week in a while,speaker,4,Definitely. With out hope there would be no point. ,0.5267,positive,agreeing 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,speaker,1,"They say you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with someone else. But no matter how happy I can be with myself, when I get reminded that I'm still alone in life I just get this crushing wave of depression. It's not that I need someone to make me happy, but there's always this nagging feeling of wanting to share my happiness with someone special that spoils my happiness. The most depressing part is feeling totally helpless to find anyone to connect with. I've tried Tinder and other apps and sites many times and never found anyone that wants me. And the fact that I've never had a girlfriend before fuels the doubt that I'll ever find one, and makes me more nervous, anxious, and ineffective on the rare chances of meeting girls. I hate feeling this way, the pain, the dread, the empty loneliness that crushes the spirit and makes me unproductive in the rest of my life which adds to depressing feelings. I just want it to end, for girls to be a source of joy and not a source of agony, but I feel like it will never change because it's all I've ever known. Is there help for this?",-0.9371,negative,lonely 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,listener_1,2,"I’m very sorry you’re going through this. I’m currently in the same boat and while I don’t have a solution yet I’m trying not to give up. It’s so difficult, I know. But I just try to keep in mind that some day, when the time is right, I’ll find someone who made all the waiting and worrying and suffering worth it. Please don’t settle for someone that isn’t right for you. It won’t fill up the emptiness you feel inside. In fact, it will probably make it worse. I know I’m not super helpful or insightful, but I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in feeling like this. Don’t settle for a mediocre relationship because of fear that you won’t find anyone else. You will. You’re unique and special in your own ways, you have quirks that make you who you are. You deserve to find someone that feels their world light up when they see your smile or hear your laugh. You deserve to be loved. I guess that’s my advice, don’t settle for less because you’re worried you’ll never find more. I’m rooting for you.",-0.5836,negative,faithful 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,speaker,3,"Thanks for trying, but that's kind of the basic advice I've already been through 100 times before. And settling isn't even an option sadly, as I can't even get basic interest from women, which really crushes the spirit. I've just been trying to find some shred of advice or help this weekend that could give me some hope of not spending another summer totally alone, and having to look back at more wasted youth without much to remember it by. But nothing seems to be out there, just the basic ""Be attractive, or don't be unattractive"" rule that the dating world seems to follow.",0.7258,positive,disappointed 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,listener_1,4,"Well I’ll tell you right now that the attitude you give off from postings alone can seem very woe is me and off putting. No one wants to be with someone who gives off an air of misery. People want to be around people who make them feel happy, not someone who seems to hate their entire existence and everyone around them. If you want advice that isn’t the same old thing you’ve heard then I highly suggest you see a therapist who can help you improve your outlook on life. If you’re already seeing a therapist, then you should voice your concerns and work together to find ways to improve your perspective. This attitude you have is not going to help you at all in finding a partner. Best of luck, hope you get your stuff sorted.",0.8422,positive,apprehensive 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,speaker,5,"I'm not normally like this, not that anyone would know anyway, it's just when it comes to women and dating. Normally I can be pretty happy and focused, but then when women get involved the helpless, lonely, depressing feelings come in like a wave. I don't hate women, but I hate the crappy situation that it puts me in. I've thought about going to doctors, but feel like I'd just be wasting their time as they're not going to help me find girls.",-0.9306,negative,lonely 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,listener_1,6,"You can’t expect your life to improve for the better if you are not willing to put in the work required. It sucks but it’s how life works. A therapist could be incredibly helpful to you, and they are literally trained to help people with issues similar to yours. I understand wanting to wallow and be sad but nothing will change if you don’t work to change things. Your aversion to women is something that could be worked through with a professional. I personally have a very strong aversion to therapists but I’m working through it because I’m tired of being so deeply unhappy with my life, and it’s obvious after years of doctors that just medication is not going to cut it for me. You should seek out a therapist that you can feel comfortable speaking with, as well as a psychiatrist who may be able to work with you on possible medication. You can try to do this alone but given your current mindset regarding women and life in general, I’d imagine getting professional help would be beneficial to you. The power to try to make your life better lies in your hands alone, and the decision to improve lies solely with you. ",0.6908,positive,sad 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,speaker,7,"I'd put in the effort to change if I knew what to actually work on, but I don't, that's why I feel helpless. There's no clear area for me to put energy into, and I don't have much experience to draw from because I've never had much success. I don't want to sit and wallow, but I don't know what else to do, I've tried as much as I can and it continues to lead to failure.",-0.9313,negative,ashamed 1187,depressed,Feel Helpless,listener_1,8,"Which is exactly why you should see a therapist. They could help you figure out what you need to do and how you need to change your life going forward so you can be happy. They can help you come up with a plan to go forward with, with small manageable steps that are realistic for you to work toward. A therapist isn’t just someone you rant to for an hour and then forget about after you leave. They can help you work to change what you dislike so much about your life, and help you self reflect and figure out the root of the issue, and make lifestyle changes that can improve your day to day experience. I highly recommend you look up some local therapists and try a couple out. I generally will go to an appointment with a prospective therapist and decide by the end of the session if I think it’s a good fit. Looking up someone who specializes in adult therapy, maybe even one who has experience with patients who have social anxiety as well could be a good place to start. It’s all about small steps. During my worst days I try to do just one little thing, even if it seems insignificant. This isn’t a problem that will be fixed overnight, as I’m sure you know. It’s going to take a lot of effort and self reflection on your part but we have one life to live and we should try to do what we can to make it as wonderful as possible while we’re here. And looking into some local professionals is the first small step you can take toward happiness. They will be able to help you so much more than the internet because they will create a plan tailored for you specifically. I’m currently struggling with going to see professionals because I usually figure I’m a lost cause but trust me, these professionals have seen and treated people who are far more in need of help than you and I. I guarantee you will be far from the worst they’ve seen in their time in the field. ",0.9694,positive,agreeing 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,speaker,1,I've recently discovered that depression isn't the absence of happiness it's the ineffectiveness of it. It's the things that used to make you happy and should make you happy that don't make you happy anymore. it's the realization and the circles of thought trying to justify why they don't make you happy. I feel like i've just entered into the sphere of depression and the exit looks so far away. Depression isn't necessarily the wantingness to die it's the willingness to disappear and if death bringeth so be it. convince me otherwise please,-0.8806,negative,sad 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,listener_1,2,"Sitting alone in the woods with a good book, no electronics, and no chance of being disturbed. It took me awhile to find that spot living in the suburbs, but it made me take up mountain biking and hiking, so now I have two hobbies that were born because of that one goal.",-0.3226,negative,content 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,speaker,3,"Hold up, do you import/export latex and latex like goods?! ",0.4199,positive,questioning 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,listener_1,4,I’m actually a marine biologist,0.0,neutral,surprised 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,speaker,5,"oh wow, saving beached whales and the like! man of many talents. keep it up",0.8622,positive,acknowledging 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,listener_1,6,https://i.pinimg.com/originals/d9/fe/71/d9fe711d998b27b998d83c4dcacda5e3.jpg,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,speaker,7,"Wow, that's quite the artist rendition of your heroic actions",0.8126,positive,impressed 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,listener_1,8,"The sea was angry that day my friend, like an old man trying to send soup back in a deli.",0.34,positive,sad 1188,depressed,What makes you happy?,speaker,9,"And those words will forever echo "" no soup for you"" ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 1189,depressed,Hatred,speaker,1,"I hate literally everything and everyone, I know I shouldn't but all I can do is think about the negatives in every person or thing I see. I hate my family, myself, even completely random people. Is this normal?",-0.8126,negative,angry 1189,depressed,Hatred,listener_1,2,Its not unusual but its not healthy. What I do is temind myself that all of us were dropped into this horrible hellhole without prior consent and we just gotta make the best of us. I have come to accept that humanity and all other life-forms have to be annoying because thats just a side-effect of how Life managed to survive for billions of years. Life's a rough full-contact sport. One way I can transform my hate is to listen to true-crime and atrocity podcasts. Focusing on the horrible ordeals some people have gone through helps me empathize with people and understand what it is to be a good person. ,-0.8163,negative,trusting 1189,depressed,Hatred,speaker,3,"I'm like fresh out of middle school, oof",0.5859,positive,ashamed 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,speaker,1,"I want to commit suicide. I’m not terminally ill, I’m not diagnosed with any disorder or mental illness. I’m physically healthy, I’m smart, semi-attractive, loved by family and friends and I’d still give it all away not to wake up tomorrow. I think I’ve been suicidal since I was a kid ( I’m 25 now ) during bad times I would think of nothingness and how great that would be compared to my existence. I never said anything at first but I decided to confide in a friend and of course i got the “ really, you don’t act like your depressed”, “why would you want to kill yourself?”, “but I love you”, “please think of all you have to live for”. She never listened to my replies though, because she just didn’t understand. I have no desire to cause anyone pain, I don’t view my death as payback for all the shit I’ve gone through or the people who have done me wrong. I just want all this to be over. I’m tired of waking up everyday, being happy, and funny, and optimistic. I’m tried of hearing how I’m obligated to push through the bad things and be grateful for all the things I do have. I’ve tried to express my feeling to my mother but she’s one of those Christians that believes that God has a purpose for me for her, for everybody. She believes that thought things are bad they could be worse, be grateful, pray, acknowledge your blessings...she would also be devastated if I did commit suicide because she uses me as a crutch to continue to fight and live. Why? Why do I have to keep pushing through on this rollercoaster called life? For a heaven we don’t know is even real? For a God that would allow for children to be born without faces, throats, legs, or even the ability to think. For a happier me that no one can guarantee will actually exist. I do believe in God, in a spiritual way but I would hope that he understands my pain and my heart, that he sees me as more than a child who gave up but one who made a choice in her life that didn’t take the life of anyone else. It’s confounds me that I can choose to bring life into this world, I can donate marrow, blood, and organs. I can drink myself into a stupor everyday as long as I make it to work the next morning. I can drop off the face of the world and go backpacking in some less known country, I can divorce a person that loves me and possibly take everything from them but I cannot decide when I’m done. I cannot legally or even spiritually commit suicide. I have to be mentally ill and therefor fixed. I cannot be considered a rational individual to want such a thing. Pharmaceutical companies and drug companies make changes that deprive people of life saving medications but if my friend helped me end my life in a humane way, they would go to jail. This world is ass backwards and I’m tried of trying to make it work here. That’s it. I’m just tired, I know that things could get better, things could improve for a bit, but the bad will come back, it always does. The bad could be an ended relationship, losing a child, a car accident, cancer or rape. The possibility for the bad is endless and guaranteed. Some are lucky, some go through life financially secure, physically and mentally superior and can maintain and sustain high living. I am not one of those people and there’s no guarantee that those things will provide me with lasting happiness. I’m just ready for it all to be over, I’ve traveled though I’m not well traveled, I’ve never been in a relationship out of choice and I’ve never had sex with another person out of choice. I love my family a lot. I love sunlight and the ocean. I could watch Friends, Game of Thrones, Fresh Prince reruns all day long. I LOVE to eat, I love kids and babies, and I love music and dancing. I’m ready to give it all up and one day soon I will.",0.988,positive,afraid 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,listener_1,2,"Hey man, you want to talk. Although I'm soon to be 18, I understand you. Also always had suicidal tendencies. I'd just love to hear from ya. Just DM if you want to.",0.0772,positive,agreeing 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,speaker,3,"Thanks for the offer dude, I’ll take you up on it some time. ",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,listener_2,4,"You are totally right. Other people can’t make you happy inside yourself. Adding an SO, or kids, will not make it better. Do an internet search for meditation groups and start there. Maybe even find an app for it (or create one yourself), but don’t let another day go by waiting for a change. Make the change happen. Start little, or go big, but do anything that is for yourself, and finding that better place. ",0.7225,positive,agreeing 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,speaker,5,"That’s the thing. I don’t want to triumph, I want peace. Living isn’t something I feel like I need to do, like getting married, traveling or getting tattoos, it’s a choice I want to make. I’m not looking for people to cry about how they miss me or for people to be miserable when I’m gone. I just want to be gone and let the world keep moving on. ",0.7096,positive,content 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,listener_3,6,Well hugs anyway. You are here for some purpose and I hope it finds you. And you find peace amongst the living. I really do get it.,0.8934,positive,consoling 1190,depressed,How am I wrong ?,speaker,7,"Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment.",0.6369,positive,sympathizing 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,speaker,1,"I'd like to share something with everyone that has made a world of difference for me. Please pardon if you've seen my post in another thread, I've posted this as much as I could. This is for those days that aren't impossible btw. Fake it to create it. Fake being happy and joyful over something. It's as simple as that. It feels cheap when I do it as if I'm lying to myself but I do it anyways. I do it with the intention the feeling of joy is the key to suppressing depression and fixing the way I see and feel. And it is. We have a tendency to expect joy to come to us when it's justified. That won't happen when living with depression. Things that should make you joyful won't. It will never come. Use joy like a tool. Be wise about the situation and fake being joyful over things for the sake of fixing the way you see and feel. It takes a few times of doing it over and over before it catches on but it always does (unless it's a completely impossible day which I hardly have anymore). This might be hard to grasp the concept of but just try it. Use energy and excitement to create the feeling of joy. You can be joyful over nothing if you want to by just creating the feeling. About a year ago my depression was terrible. And I had it for years before that. It was life stopping. It completely consumed me. My world was completely different. Depression creates a lying world that seems so true and real. The way I see and feel now is completely different. The depression wouldn't let me be joyful about anything so I broke the rules.",0.9819,positive,ashamed 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,listener_1,2,100% agree. Depression is like a permanent shade of darkness that disorients your mindset and slowly convinces you that this is the way it's always been and will be. Thanks for the advice.,0.4404,positive,agreeing 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,speaker,3,My pleasure. I hope it does for you as much as it has for me. It's been 100% effective for me. Completely life saving.,0.8658,positive,encouraging 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,speaker,4,Yes!! The only problem with creating happiness for others and expecting it to in turn make you feel good or happy is if you are depressed or stuck in depression this doesn't always happen. What should happen doesn't. Try going about it by bending the rules and creating happiness over nothing even if it's fake. Knowing it's fake but knowing it's what will get you out of depression. That's if you are depressed. Works wonders for me.,-0.8774,negative,trusting 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,speaker,5,"Thank you! There are certain things that are very difficult to explain such as a way to see, visualize, or go about something mentally. I think once she gets it mentally, sees how this works and uses it as a tool she'll be a lot stronger than your average person. She'll have a lot more control over her mental well being than anyone else. It's been completely effective for me. Huge.",0.8883,positive,impressed 1191,depressed,A trick or tool I use,speaker,6,This trick is to mainly get you out of a depressive state that tends to hold you in a dark world. It's for you. It's the solution for you if you can't get out of a hole of unhappiness or depression. What other people think of you shouldn't make of break you. Start living for yourself. And enjoy for yourself.,-0.6597,negative,sad 1192,depressed,I am nothing,speaker,1,I am 20 years old.i have failed 5 times in my final high school.spent most of my life inside my house as i do not like to go outside that much.very shy.rejected by 1st crush hence scared of to talking any women around my age.have no friends.i am nothing but a piece shit.wasting this world's resources.,-0.6762,negative,lonely 1192,depressed,I am nothing,listener_1,2,"Me too, but try to get out of this before twenty years go by and you are old like me, as it only gets worse. Prob sounds like crap, but I'd kill to be 20 again with what I know now...",-0.8625,negative,agreeing 1192,depressed,I am nothing,listener_2,3,"Bro, really? What the fuck this guy is suffering and you're going to call him unattractive, via the internet, where you don't even know what he looks like? YOU ARE ONLY 20! You have a wide and fulfilling life ahead of you. Always have confidence in yourself. You were born you and no one else. Don't spend time wishing you are someone else because that time is wasted. You will be okay. I promise. Find some meaning, find something you want to do. Volunteer, go out and find people in need, and you will definitely not be a waste of the worlds resources.",-0.4853,negative,confident 1192,depressed,I am nothing,speaker,4,I know that.thank you.for confirming that.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,1,"I don't think I'm clinically depressed, and don't think I'd get the diagnosis. But the biggest warning sign for me is that I have extended periods of time where I feel like I'm just waiting for a time where I can decently go to bed just so that I can just be over with the day, and where I wake up and wish the day was over already. Mostly it's because of stress and worries about my future and my own insufficiencies. During these periods of times I generally do nothing all day except watching series that I halfway enjoy, and no matter how exhausted I am I will be unable to sleep for hours once night comes. I have lost my ability to listen to podcasts, somehow, so during the night, there is just nothing for me. I try to read, but once I try to sleep it just never comes. Then finally I drift off, I wake up, and I wish the day was over because I already know that it's going to be wasted, and still I seem completely unable to stop myself from wasting it. On the other hand, I don't struggle at all leaving the house once I get an invitation, I don't always feel great when out with people, but generally a bit better, though I sometimes I feel terrible once I have to be home alone again after a night out. But periods of time when lots of stuff is happening, I can get super active and social and just feel happy and easy, and this makes it feel like it's not a depression, since there is this cure of sorts. I've had a good stretch now where I've just felt great everyday, though I wasn't really productive, I was social and active and felt good about myself. The last couple of days, however, I've faced some money stress and a couple of rejections, and I find that the smallest thing - the person I like ignoring my message, that kind of thing - sends me spiralling into black hole of just biding my time minute by minute until I'm out of this void again. And it seems that whether I get out of this void will be completely dependant on other people, how they will act around me, so that I am dependant on the chance of brighter times happening rather than me actually feeling better. I'm sorry that I'm rambling, I'm just confused, and I don't really know what to do with the remaining hours before I can go to bed, and I am drinking wine because it will help me to sleep, and I guess I'm a bit worried about me. I hope this is not triggering, and I would be happy to post it to /rants instead of here if it is more fitting, I'm just a bit all over the place mentally and trying to distract myself.",0.989,positive,anxious 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",listener_1,2,What about housework or regular tasks?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,3,"Also, I appreciate your reply, thank you.",0.6369,positive,wishing 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,4,"terrible, but ive been terrible at that since childhood. When im not feeling that well I get worse at eating regularly, but good at showering, because showering feels like a break, i can just be there and do nothing. I was always bad at brushing my teeth and getting dressed and washing regularly though, because it always felt like something you do to serve a task (i.e. going outdoors or being social), not something I did for me or for its own sake. So when i shelter up inside all of those things get let go a bit, but i never struggled at all looking representable when meeting someone, i actually enjoy the act of getting ready quite a lot. ",0.3773,positive,neutral 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",listener_1,5,I ask that because I believe in moving the body or avoiding idleness. Too bad anhedonia (schizo-depression) has set in for me though.,-0.7096,negative,disappointed 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,6,"Thank you for replying! I don't really have trouble with having people though, I do have several different social groups and I do like my friends. I always have people to ask to hang out, I just tend to feel lonely in spite of people. Definitely should start exercising though, and I also think that getting a job just to get out of the house might be a good idea. Thank you!",0.9071,positive,wishing 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",listener_2,7,I’ve actually thought about that myself. Even if it’s a volunteer job.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,8,"I'm sorry to hear you're going through a similar thing, and I hope you're ok <3 It somehow helps to hear you say that. I feel like I need to learn to rely less on other people for my happiness, but it is so difficult to just decide to be happy on my own when I'm not.",0.7869,positive,sympathizing 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",listener_3,9,"Sorry I'm so late with this reply but, I hope you're doing even just a little bit better. Its not easy and I know that, because I'm experiencing the same thing. ",0.6154,positive,sympathizing 1193,depressed,"I don't think I'm depressed, but I don't feel well and I'm a bit worried about myself",speaker,10,"Thank you for sharing as well, and sorry for never replying. Congrats on your new job, and I sincerely hope things are better for you now! :)",0.9384,positive,sympathizing 1193,depressed,Drowning,listener_4,1,I feel like life is weighing me down and I’m trying to swim up for air. Holding onto.... I don’t know what there is to left to hold intoxicating But should I just let go? ,0.1901,positive,apprehensive 1193,depressed,Drowning,listener_5,2,Hugs!,0.5411,positive,wishing 1193,depressed,Drowning,listener_6,3,I don't want to swim for months. I'm tired of swimming. 90% of the time I'm just wondering through life working to pay to live just so I can work more. Why bother. Why ,-0.7352,negative,apprehensive 1193,depressed,Drowning,listener_7,4,"I know.. I’m kind of in your place at the moment too.. I suggest find a s.o, they could either make everything a lot better or a lot worse. But it is usually good to have someone by your side while you’re feeling like this",0.8294,positive,agreeing 1194,depressed,Life fucking sucks,speaker,1,"I honestly can't stand being alive anymore. I hate being anywhere, including home, school l, at a friend's place, wherever. Everything seems to lead to me being more miserable than before. I'm sick of my family, my friends, and basically anybody I see or talk to. I can't stand any of my classes and I don't know what to do anymore. My friends are also really beginning to get on my nerves. Waiting for my guardian angel to show up anytime now.",-0.5963,negative,annoyed 1195,depressed,I'm just gonna leave,speaker,1,"I'm fortunate enough to have a car and I could pull the rest of my money from my card into cash. Don't really know where I would go but was hoping to just drive north until Alaska (My home state) or when the car gives out. Probably not even hitchhike, just lay down in the forest once I think I'm far enough. I enjoy playing my bass guitar and have been getting deeper into it so I have that to engage my mind. I should probably get something to listen to music with, I can't live without that. Don't really care what my family will think of it even if they get worried. No phone, no map, just north. Probably going to have to ditch the car at Canada though, no passport, try to find a way around on foot. Or I'll just fucking starve I don't care. I don't have the shoes for it but I'd love the climb a mountain with no other people around. Lonely is okay, i'm used to that. Shit man if I actually survive I might just be okay and happy. People will know I'm gone, I might not even make it to Washington before a cop pulls me over and asks why I'm running. None of your fucking business dude. I'm always hungry, starving is a hard way to go but whatever. It's summertime, I think I'll be alright for warmth. I'm gonna miss my pets though, crying already just thinking about it. My family will take care of them. My counselor will probably wonder where it all went wrong with me. She'll never know, I've been thinking about it all my life and still can't figure it out. What would my friend do If a showed up at his doorstep after months of vanishing from the world. Would he turn me in and have me sent back or let me start over with his help? I guess that's very burdensome on me but I'm determined to pay him back if that should happen. So many fucking textbooks of shit I can't read anymore, people who find mathematical analysis fascinating must have brains as broken as mine. Not even half way done with it FUCK. ME. Maybe I'll find a really tall cliff and finally have some time to think. Just all day sitting there smoking and thinking, free from disturbances.",-0.7507,negative,content 1195,depressed,I'm just gonna leave,listener_1,2,Starving is not a fun way to die. Please pack some food,-0.7965,negative,prepared 1195,depressed,I'm just gonna leave,listener_2,3,Maybe it would help to consider what you want for yourself. Once you have the destination you can pick the route.,0.4588,positive,suggesting 1196,depressed,I feel so alone that I wish I was dead,speaker,1,"I'm not good enough for her. I'm completely alone now, no fiends and no family members I can actually talk to. Just so fucking lonely that there's no point in living now. I guess I'll eat some stupid oreos. ",-0.9436,negative,lonely 1196,depressed,I feel so alone that I wish I was dead,listener_1,2,"Maybe the sugar rush will inspire you to do some housework, and then later you can rest, knowing you made an effort.",0.5719,positive,suggesting 1196,depressed,I feel so alone that I wish I was dead,speaker,3,Meh it just made me feel like I ate too much,0.29600000000000004,positive,guilty 1197,depressed,I have no purpose and no direction. I have done everything that I've ever wanted to do. What now? Fill my life with 'stuff' to avoid thinking?,speaker,1,"I'm 26M from Michigan. This might come off as a silly post because I do know that my problems are the definition of first world problems but they are real to me and I just can't shake this feeling no matter what I do. I can get rid of it temporarily but it always comes back. I grew up relatively poor. My parents marriage was always a failure and I always hated being home. That being said, my home environment was okay. I never got beat up and my parents were not drug addicts or anything like that. I grew up moving all over the country. I went to university (one of the top in my field). Graduated. Had fun in university, girls and parties. Had great grades. Started making money. Was making $100k in a low cost Living area. I was basically well off in my mid 20s. Paid off my loans and even saved up to go travel the world. Today marks the 10th month that I've been on the road. It's been great. Met people. Had a few travel romances. I've always had to fight for my 'goals' nothing ever came easy. I'll admit that I did pretty well in school because I do think I'm smart but aside from that nothing really came to me on a platter. I always had a goal in life. A reason to 'grind' and 'fight'...a reason not to think about Life. These past 10 months of traveling have just made me realize that life is meaningless. There is no real purpose and we all die at the end. I also think that we just fill up our lives with stuff to distract us from these thoughts... But here I am, thinking. I don't want to go back home, I don't want to work and I don't want to keep traveling. I want a purpose. But I've thought long and hard about things that I want to accomplish but it always ends with the same thought ""ok and once I accomplish... Then what?"" It seems like I'm destined to always live life in this cycle of ""having a goal"" then accomplishing such goal and then back to this feeling of meaninglessness. There is really nothing that I want to accomplish anymore. I have plenty of money To keep traveling for a long time but there is no point to anything. I know that I'm lucky but that doesn't make me feel better. All I want is to feel good, to feel 'whole' but I don't and I don't know how.",0.9872,positive,annoyed 1197,depressed,I have no purpose and no direction. I have done everything that I've ever wanted to do. What now? Fill my life with 'stuff' to avoid thinking?,listener_1,2,"You just need to find a rewarding purpose. How about mentor young people in some capacity. I teach middle school. So many young people could use positive role models. People just to talk to them. Show them stuff, coach whatever. That and hang with some animals. Walk some shelter dogs? Throw balls for them. Share your good fortune in simple ways. Go to an inner city school and ask the guidance counselor what you could do to help kids. Trust me it will change your life and theirs. You will feel like a hero. ",0.9726,positive,caring 1197,depressed,I have no purpose and no direction. I have done everything that I've ever wanted to do. What now? Fill my life with 'stuff' to avoid thinking?,listener_1,3,If you just volunteered to read to youngsters you will be amazed how they will love it!,0.8268,positive,impressed 1198,depressed,Life sucks and I can’t get better,speaker,1,"I just hate myself. I hate who I am, I hate my weight being fat, I hate struggling with money. My marriage ended because all of this shit. I just don’t know wht to do. I seach for help online and basically everything is paid. Online therapy: needs to pay. Online meditation: the only app that helps needs to pay. I’m tired living. Just needed to vent. ",-0.9692,negative,sad 1198,depressed,Life sucks and I can’t get better,listener_1,2,"Venting is good in itself. Your feelings are completely valid. A ended relationship, unhappiness with your appearance, and money. Those are all real problems that cam cause some very negative feelings. I am sorry that you are going through all of this, and would love to listen to more venting if you ever desire.",-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 1198,depressed,Life sucks and I can’t get better,speaker,3,Thanks for the words. I just don’t know what else to say. But thanks,0.7003,positive,sympathizing 1198,depressed,Life sucks and I can’t get better,listener_1,4,"I know that feeling. It can be very overwhelming. The easiest thing to do is to just shut down. Of course, that is not the best thing to do.",0.0505,positive,agreeing 1199,depressed,all the porn on reddit makes me miss her,speaker,1,"She didn't really love me she just liked saying she did for reasons that I don't understand. But I miss her now even though she's probably with some other guy or her ex. We never officially broke up but she made it very clear that it was time for me to go. Normally I wouldn't care that much because the nonsexual aspects of the relationship were lacking but god damn it I just want to be with her even now. Someone recommended I try ignoring her for a few hours before responding to her texts but that sounds kind of stupid, do you agree or disagree with their idea?",-0.7837,negative,lonely 1199,depressed,all the porn on reddit makes me miss her,listener_1,2,"She isn't worth the pain my friend. I would just move on from her if you can. Your a good guy and you deserve better than her. Getting over a girl is hard but you are strong. I know you can do this, you can get over her. Go do what you can.",0.8679,positive,faithful 1199,depressed,all the porn on reddit makes me miss her,speaker,3,"Yeah you're probably right, thanks.",0.6249,positive,agreeing 1199,depressed,all the porn on reddit makes me miss her,speaker,4,Well I don't think I'm going to block her but I think she is doing that. Normally I'd be cool with it but it's probably a bad idea right now.,-0.4939,negative,apprehensive 1200,depressed,A sense of loss,speaker,1,"I feel as if I'm missing a piece of me and I can't find it. It's like I could be happy, I could be motivated, I could make myself into something, but half of me is lost and I can't go on until I'm content enough with myself to feel ok again.",0.5187,positive,sad 1200,depressed,A sense of loss,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear you feel this way, this reminds me of how I used to feel :( Just a suggestion but maybe try meditation this what got me feeling better and back to my whole self. Peace Love and positivity my friend ❤️",0.9771,positive,sympathizing 1200,depressed,A sense of loss,speaker,3,"Thank you, this comment means a lot to me. I'll try meditation, I hope it works ",0.6597,positive,wishing 1200,depressed,A sense of loss,listener_1,4,"Please pm me if you have any questions! Oh btw I would suggest getting the app insight timer for guided meditation just to make it easier on yourself, maybe try out some happiness meditations or whatever you feel would be best :-)",0.9381,positive,suggesting 1200,depressed,A sense of loss,speaker,5,Thank you so much!,0.4199,positive,wishing 1201,depressed,Existential depression and my life and shit,speaker,1,"Alright so this is probably going to be a long post that will probably ramble on about random shit or whatever, sorry in advance. I'm 18, never expected to reach 18 though. The first time I noticed that I may be depressed was when I was 9. I was sat at my computer just looking at the background for hours, bored out my mind, wishing I had friends and things to do to keep me occupied in my ultimately pointless existence. I always managed to convince myself I wasn't depressed though, I was just sad - at least until the age of 10. By 10 I was honestly so disassociated from everything as a coping mechanism to just go through the motions of my simple day to day life. By 10, I wanted to die. I finally went to see a doctor at the age of 15. Over the next couple years or so I was diagnosed with severe existential depression (there was some kind of scoring system I forget the name of, but I maxed it out), severe anxiety and insomnia. I went to counselling, etc, but it always seemed like I was teaching the professionals things rather than them helping me, it was weird (I did a lot of reading into the problems and cycles, etc, I developed and whenever I would talk about those problems and what I had read they had no idea how to help or what to say, but from the things I would talk about from my reading did go on to help other people which is good I guess). Tried basically all available antidepressants and antianxiety medications available too me. The only one I still take is mirtazapine, it helps me sleep better than benzos do (valium/diazepam and xanax/alprazolam, for example) but that's about it. I'm not really sure where all of my nihilism and existentialism stems from really. At a young age I knew exactly what I wanted, and I was good at everything I did without even trying. I was able to do highschool maths exams 7 years before the age most people do them, and would get 100% every time (or very close to, given a few stupid mistakes from trying to do them as fast as possible with poor handwriting, working out and answers tended to become a mess and therefore I would mistake numbers at quick glances making final answers wrong). My family were always good to me when I was younger, we didn't have much and I knew that but my dad always worked his ass off to provide for us as best he could. My mom was always the kindest person ever. My anxiety probably comes from being bullied as a young kid in school but after a while it stopped getting it me, I dissociated and stopped caring about what people thought (although the general anxiety remains, social anxiety just isn't as much of a problem). I'm not sure why but by age 11, drugs became a part of my life and ended up spiralling out of control (I had nobody to introduce me, I literally went out and introduced myself). I've now tried it all at least once, even the ones majority of people have never heard of. The list of every drug I've done is over 50 different drugs long, and some of them I have done an insane amount (especially psychedelics and opiates. Doctors have told me I have the highest opiate tolerance they've ever seen). I don't really take much anymore, not after fentanyl became a big problem for me. Now I'm only doing acid and weed (and lots of both, if you don't know what a thumbprint is in terms of lsd but have interest in it, look it up, it's some mad shit). So that was all a big part of my life, but I feel like that all started to numb myself and or find meaning or happiness or whatever, but it was always shortlived. By the end of highschool the existentialism hit me hard and I stopped seeing the point in anything, I purposefully stopped sleeping until my body couldn't work anymore and I would just fall asleep wherever I was without any control over it (longest I stayed awake was close to 8 days, done on 1 hour of sleep). I would lay in my bed and just do nothing because why do anything when none of it really matters anyway? I stopped eating, stopped drinking, stopped everything, just laying there. This didn't last too long before I got sectioned. Somehow came out of there being more dissociated than before, but that meant I could at least continue the motions of life. Before the age of 17 I had made literally insane amounts of money, more than most would make in their entire life time, from nothing (I can't really say how - but I can say that, surprisingly, it has nothing to do with drugs in anyway). But it didn't make me happy, money really doesn't make you happier it just makes it easier to go through the motions and don't we just love that. Take it from somebody that had nothing and made it all themself in the hopes of it being a purpose, something to finally make me happy. Money does not mean happiness. Fairly recently I stopped hanging around my friends (which use to be the usual, daily thing to do). Over years of different friendship groups, I always noticed that over time my depression breaks everybody. I don't even have to say or do anything related to my depression, but the nihilism always brushes off on to even the most optimistic of people in time. I hated seeing their optimistic, life loving smiles turn into the deepest pits of depression. So I stopped being around people to stop it from happening ever again. Even the people that not so long since were crying about me being so close to death (it was fentanyl based, hence the reason for stopping all those drugs), no longer want me around. Now, being very very close to 19, I have done everything I wanted to do. Now what? I'm still insanely depressed and get no enjoyment out of anything, nothing at all, really. I feel like I'm too dissociated to feel anything worth feeling, there is no cycle to break, there is just my own belief that everything is meaningless. If anybody has read this far, then first of all thank you for reading it and putting up with my all over the place time line I got going on here with no effort to fix. Any input at all is welcome and I'll try reply to people but I make no promises. (No tl;dr, this is the tl;dr believe me)",-0.9975,negative,lonely 1201,depressed,Existential depression and my life and shit,listener_1,2,"I don't really have advice for you other than to say you might enjoy reading Albert Camus and his view on the absurdism. Also, a quote from Stanely Kubrick from an interview about existentialism: >Playboy: If life is so purposeless, do you feel it’s worth living? >Kubrick: The very meaninglessness of life forces man to create his own meaning. Children, of course, begin life with an untarnished sense of wonder, a capacity to experience total joy at something as simple as the greenness of a leaf; but as they grow older, the awareness of death and decay begins to impinge on their consciousness and subtly erode their joie de vivre, their idealism — and their assumption of immortality. As a child matures, he sees death and pain everywhere about him, and begins to lose faith in the ultimate goodness of man. But, if he’s reasonably strong — and lucky — he can emerge from this twilight of the soul into a rebirth of life’s elan. Both because of and in spite of his awareness of the meaninglessness of life, he can forge a fresh sense of purpose and affirmation. He may not recapture the same pure sense of wonder he was born with, but he can shape something far more enduring and sustaining. The most terrifying fact about the universe is not that it is hostile but that it is indifferent; but if we can come to terms with this indifference and accept the challenges of life within the boundaries of death — however mutable man may be able to make them — our existence as a species can have genuine meaning and fulfillment. However vast the darkness, we must supply our own light ",-0.9478,negative,impressed 1201,depressed,Existential depression and my life and shit,speaker,3,"Don't worry about having no advice, honestly I wasn't realistically looking for advice because I know that in my situation and belief, that really would be quite absurd. Speaking of which I have read into Camus and his view, and just like you thought, I thoroughly enjoyed it. I also enjoy that Kubrick quote, although there are parts I can not relate to. I can not relate to the idea of ""making my own purpose"", I tried that for a long time with goals and such, and reached those goals very quickly. No satisfaction was gained from this at all, if anything it sunk me further into my existential depression as, through my eyes, even after all that work towards where I wanted to be there was still no change. There was no light, there was no purpose, the was no meaning. Just a lot of work and effort that will ultimately amount to nothing. Thanks for the reply and the quote though, I did enjoy reading it.",-0.2682,negative,trusting 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,speaker,1,I was expecting my girlfriend to break up with me. Although I don't think it was a smart move on her part. And it kind of makes me really pissed at her because of that dumb choice combined with the leaving me. Because she's leaving me for something stupid and pointless whereas we could have had a good future that would build into something worth living. If you've ever recorded at a studio or write songs you know time is of the essence. You really can't wait around for studio time so now that I can't finish my ep by the end of the week I'm going to waste so much time on it instead of writing new material. FFUUUUUCKKKK ,-0.8173,negative,disappointed 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,listener_1,2,"Not to offend, but if she left, there was a reason. Move on, write a song about it, ",0.1139,positive,neutral 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,speaker,3,"Alright, my bad. Yeah letting go would be best, it's hard to at the moment though I still miss her despite everything but I doubt I'll ever see her again. Oh well such is dumb, disgusting, boring, hideous, gruesome life I guess. Thanks for the response. ",-0.8316,negative,sympathizing 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,listener_1,4,"Seriously, though. See what positive you can make of it. Silver lining, maybe? Or, if you truly believe that you should, then fight for her. ",0.4939,positive,suggesting 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,speaker,5,"There's a possibility that she will change her mind about a lot of things after awhile but I can't explain it in more detail because it's personal information. Although if she does maybe she'll call me, I don't know and all I can do is not care for now. Can't fight for her it was her decision. ",-0.1695,negative,trusting 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,listener_1,6,"Then take a deep breath, and keep movin’ on. One day, then another. If you need to vent privately, send a dm. ",0.0,neutral,consoling 1202,depressed,My girlfriend dumped me and the sound engineer that was recording my songs injured himself and I have to wait another week or more to record the next song,speaker,7,"Thanks, I do meditate and wake up every morning. Just what happened really pisses me off and always will. ",0.0534,positive,angry 1203,depressed,Melancholic look through facebook,speaker,1,"HI, this is my first post here, I stopped going to the pschy, since I didnt need it anymore but today I just need to write some things of my chest. If this doens't belong here, you may remove the post, but writing seems to easy my mind, so here goes. I met the most beautifull girl a few years ago, she was perfect in my eyes. We talked a lot and after a while we started dating. We've been a couple for 3.5 years. About a year ago, she slipped in a depression. That depression forced her to being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. She was diagnoshes with borderline. I couldn't hanlde the constant arguing between u anymore and ended the relationship. We still had a lot of fights after it ended which led me to block her on facebook. Today I heard that she's been transferred to another facility. I try not to think about her, ut it was stronger than myself and I unblocked ehr, just so I could look her up on fb to see ow she's doing. I saw her pictures and sw she got a piercing, and a stretch. I also saw that she's in love with someone else. I know, I can't blame her for that and that I should be happy for her, but I just hurts me so fucking much. Why did I ever do this? Why can't I just go back a year, when everything was just fine between us. Fuck me, I hate this feeling.",-0.9092,negative,content 1203,depressed,Melancholic look through facebook,listener_1,2,"I have Bipolar Disorder and that ""splitting viewpoint"" so I know what you mean. It can be very tough if the person can't control it. I used to self harm and cry a lot. But you gave up on her. It's your own fault. I wouldn't want to be with a person that gave up on me when I was in that psychological cage suffering day in and day out because of severe depression and anxiety disorder. You may feel bad but you don't deserve her if you weren't willing to stick by her in her darkest of times. ",-0.9896,negative,agreeing 1203,depressed,Melancholic look through facebook,speaker,3,"Hi, I understand why you're saying that. I've given it a lot of thoughts myself. Here are some of the reasons why I ended it, I do not expect you to feel sorry for me or to gain your sympathy, I just want you to know what it feels like being in a relationship with someone who has the disorder. Because unlike what a lot of people think, it's not just hard for the person who is diagnosed, it's almost as hard for the people who try to maje you feel better. I had to give up everything for her, I hadn't seen my friends in over a year, since, everytme I tried to meet up with them, she didn't want to go. Even thoug she tells me it's ok to meet with them, everytime I was with them, after half an hour, she insisted that I came home. If I didn't, she started threatening me with harming herself. She is so manipulative, when things didn't go her way, she would make them her way, not caring who she'd be hurting on her attempts to try to do so. She litterly drained the live out of me, she made me want to commit suicide, because I knew that I coulnd't stay with her anymore, since she would keep on abusing me mentaly. She made me feel like shit EVERY SINGLE DAY. But when she saw that I did something that made her \-slightly\- happy, I was the best man in the world. And it was for those moments that I stayed with her. I also knew, that if I wanted to end the relationshsip, I knew she was going to try to ruin my life, because that's what I did when I left her. \(so she told me\) Maybe I don't deserve her, maybe I do, it's not up to me to judge that. There is however one thing that I am 100&#37; sure about: I did not deserve the way she treated me. ",0.6579,positive,caring 1203,depressed,Melancholic look through facebook,listener_1,4,You weren't for each other simply put. I fully understand. You met her when she shouldn't of been in a relationship and should of been improving herself first ,0.4215,positive,agreeing 1203,depressed,Melancholic look through facebook,speaker,5,"Indeed, that's the same thing my counselor told me. ",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1204,depressed,Is it normal that i want to die?,speaker,1,"Guys i'm here writing this post just because i've reached the bottom of my depression, i needed someone to talk to but i'm alone and i can't do this anymore. I find everything worthless and i really, REALLY, want to end it all. I can't find any motivation for doing anything, the girl i liked just stopped talking to me because her ex boyfriend wanted to get back to her and now she is ignoring me, i'm not a genius at school, i'm just an average student, but my parents pretend too much from me and im always being scolded because of my grades. Like i said i am alone in this shitty life, because the only friends i have are the temporary ones and i feel like that they are talking to me just because we are in the same class. I've always hated being ignored but now i feel like that im being ignored by everyone. I hate this..",-0.967,negative,lonely 1204,depressed,Is it normal that i want to die?,listener_1,2,"No, it's not normal: we should be motivated by instincts to survive. My father was so abusive about grades. I wanted to stab him in his sleep. Eventually I got distance from him; decades later, but finally, some peace. As a minor, you have to tolerate your parents until you have money to get away. ",0.2885,positive,afraid 1204,depressed,Is it normal that i want to die?,speaker,3,"Yup, i guess so..",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1204,depressed,Is it normal that i want to die?,speaker,4,Ok thank you,0.5719,positive,wishing 1204,depressed,Is it normal that i want to die?,listener_2,5,Any time man.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1205,depressed,It's weird knowing how sad your life is and that no one will ever care,speaker,1,"It sort of makes me think of being in a crowded pool where I am stuck on the pool floor drowning while idiots don't notice me under their feet and continue drinking booze and talking about stupid, pointless shit. I'm not going to be able to make enough money to live. I'm going to die in the streets or in jail like a dog. Not that dogs are allowed in jail but you know what I mean. Fucking hate my life, I can't do anything about it. It's like a weird greek tragedy that no one will ever give a shit about. ",-0.9738,negative,angry 1205,depressed,It's weird knowing how sad your life is and that no one will ever care,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you're struggling. I know how that feels. Part of the pain of depression is the feeling of aloneness, even when you \*do\* have people who care about you. What has helped me the most, though, isn't having others who care, although that can be helpful. It's not even about forcing myself to care. It's noticing that I \*do\* care. Does that make sense? It's just bringing awareness to the fact that, in small or big ways, I care that I'm suffering, I care that I'm lonely, I care that in a given moment, I don't like how my life is going. I think even your post here indicates you do care about yourself, even if it's hard to spot. The more you can bring awareness to that fact, the more that sense of care can grow. Does that resonate at all?",0.9354,positive,lonely 1206,depressed,activities for people w depression?,speaker,1,"I have always struggled with having no hobbies and not knowing what to do/what i enjoy.. ive searched google but all that comes up are the basic shit suggestions (exercise, yoga etc) but can't find any actual good activities to do to lift me out of the mood. just seems like everyday I start the cycle again of not knowing what to do then feeling depressed and not knowing how to cheer myself up.",0.4118,positive,disappointed 1206,depressed,activities for people w depression?,listener_1,2,"Learn or teach yourself how to paint with watercolors... it helped me. Also, you could buy a small journal and color every day... it would make a story and would be rewarding later. All you need as a beginner would be a few brushes to start, a basic watercolor palette and may be a pencil, an eraser and of course water. Get yourself a small journal with a heavy paper. You would enjoy your evolution into a fine artist by the time you get to the end of the journal. PS: this is going to be something I would like to start again in two months. I am a beginner too, and watching a few YouTube videos on how to use water colors got me started and then we learn by doing. I wish you all the best! Take good care you fellow human!",0.9735,positive,proud 1206,depressed,activities for people w depression?,speaker,3,thanks so much.. yea I've experimented with painting the other day actually and it was quite therapeutic!! You too I wish you the best X,0.8856,positive,wishing 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,speaker,1,I've constantly been wanting to off myself for the last 10 years at least. I kept telling myself it's just temporary but it feels like I'm incapable of getting out of this pit. And in recent months it's been worse than ever. I've stood right at the edge of jumping off my balcony and only reason I don't jump is because it's right in front of the kids play area. This time I didn't jump because a neighbor interrupted me. I keep hitting my head as hard as I can and also have tried taking some harmful things but it didn't do much to me except make me puke a bit. I don't have enough time to hang myself so that hasn't been an option. Honestly if I were able to I feel like I would have done so in the recent months. ,-0.4497,negative,terrified 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,listener_1,2,"I understand. They keep telling you it will get better and it will end, but it takes so much more to truly get to a good place. The first step is reaching out and addressing that you feel this way, and it also means that part of you knows that you have a desire to live and thrive, even when the urges to end it all flood every other thought. You need a community that understands, and I believe you have come to the right place. Feel free to DM me, I'm all ears if you need to just get something off your chest. Its easier to talk to people that you don't really know and that are just a username over the internet, at least for me. Don't give up yet. Part of you is hanging on and that's the part of you that we will bring out. I bet it's been waiting for it's chance in the sun and happiness for awhile. Peace and positivity to you my friend ♥️",0.9948,positive,trusting 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,listener_2,3,So much this. You're not alone. <3 ,0.1877,positive,lonely 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,listener_1,4,"Don't apologize for anything. Also, I don't know if you realize it, but you are talking about it right now. It's not as hard as it seems. Anxiety is scary and a feeling that I honestly can explain how terrible it is. I also understand the feeling of being neither here nor there. It's a hard one to overcome, but it's also not impossible. Don't give up yet, give yourself a chance to rid your mind off the burdens that bring you down",-0.7231,negative,trusting 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,speaker,5,"I meant I'll never tell anyone irl, like my friends or family but thanks I guess. I appreciate you doing this but if I'm being completely honest here, I'm giving up. I'm gonna let life take its course and I'm not gonna do shit. Whatever can happen will happen. I'm not gonna take any responsibilty. I'm tired of being a let down to everyone. ",0.9597,positive,faithful 1207,depressed,Been suicidal for at least 10 years now,listener_1,6,"I can see that you're feeling really stubborn about this. I can't change your mind. In reality, you can do whatever you want. But I said what I believe needed to be said. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. ",-0.2255,negative,faithful 1208,depressed,Is therapy really worth it...?,speaker,1,Should I really splurge my savings on it..? I have so little to go by and so many bills. Therapy is really expensive in my country. Has anyone ever felt like they’ve wasted their time and money on it? It feels like I’m just consulting a person who is paid to listen to my shit and probably won’t have second thoughts to genuinely care or help... ,0.5362,positive,apprehensive 1208,depressed,Is therapy really worth it...?,listener_1,2,There are sometimes ways around having to pay for it. Does your employer or school supply free sessions? What about your medical care services? It is 100% worth it in my opinion. ,0.8105,positive,faithful 1208,depressed,Is therapy really worth it...?,listener_1,3,"^^ but I would search around for a good one if you have the choice, don't just go with anyone if you have to pay for it anyway",0.5023,positive,neutral 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,1,"The weather is great, it's almost weekend, and my is this weekend. On the other hand I'm at work, dead tired and extremely depressed. Life is a shitshow, always has been, always will. There is no way out, and I honestly feel like diving off the balcony. Why can't it be easier? Why is there nothing but suffering and misery? Please, make it stop.",-0.5486,negative,sad 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,2,Hey there. I hope you’re okay. I’ve looked through your reddit account and you’ve posted a lot of feelings like this. Are you able to get in contact with a therapist or something of the sort? Because posting on Reddit isn’t going to solve your problems I’m afraid. I wish it would but life isn’t so easy (otherwise it’d be boring I imagine). I’m just wondering what you think of that. And to possibly take medication. (I take meds and I go to a therapy group).,0.7725,positive,apprehensive 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,3,"Hi. Thank you for taking the time to read and respond, I do appreciate it. I went to a couple of therapists in the past. None of them really helped me, to be honest. At best they told me that they didn't understand me and that I was smart enough to help myself, at worst they completely misunderstood me and refused to listen and thought they had fixed me in two sessions. The first one I went to also broke me. So I don't believe in therapy anymore at all. And I really hate taking any pills or drugs. I'd rather not sleep the night after a larger surgery from all the pain than take pain medication. It's very likely that I would be prone to addiction, given the struggles. When you look through my reddit history, you see mostly the bad times. You don't see me eating a piece of chocolate and being content with the world for a few minutes. Or binge-watch a new tv series from dubious sources and forget about my own life to the point where I'm okay. You don't see me elated when once every 4-5 months a random woman smiles at me, maybe because I helped them, maybe because they took me for someone else, it doesn't matter. I'm not always depressed and suicidal, just on the majority of days, and when I can't take it anymore I go and post on reddit. It helps to bring back up the illusion of things being under control, or about getting help. It doesn't really help long-term, but then again, it would take a LOT of very good years to make up for the bad ones. And I don't get any good years. So I just write down some stuff from time to time, to temporarily ease the pain. Kinda like self-harm or eating chocolate, just a different outlet. So I can continue and push on a tiny bit more, still hoping for a miracle somehow.",0.2043,positive,trusting 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,4,"In regards to the therapy, those people clearly need to lose their jobs. I understand that you don’t think therapy is for you, but I really believe that you have to find the right therapist. Even online ones or something. I want to convince you to not give up on it because therapists have helped me and I don’t see why they can’t you. But clearly it’s more of a battle for you, I just hope you fight it. In no way did I assume your Reddit posts was your whole life on display. My apologies that it came out that way. It’s good that you have an outlet. I just didn’t know if you had seen a therapist/or tried to is all I meant by it. There’s a TED talk that actually really hit home with me recently because I have issues with happiness and purpose. The latter especially. I wonder if it could do anything for you too: https://youtu.be/y9Trdafp83U",0.878,positive,faithful 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,5,"Uh. That was tough to listen to. It's something in her voice that makes it sound really pretentous somehow. Maybe because I'm not a native speaker. Anyhow, if she's right, I can lie about my story and have at least one pillar of meaning? That's what I got from it. The other stuff seems too far out of reach really. Too bad I'm too honest to lie :/",-0.507,negative,surprised 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,6,"Haha sorry. I agree, her voice has a nagging tone to it... not a fan of how she vocalises. It’s not that you lie about your story, it’s that you see it from another perspective. Since it’s easy for us to victimise ourselves and whatever else. I’m not saying that you do that, it’s just an easy narrative to fall into. ",0.6414,positive,agreeing 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,7,"I still don't get how that helps. Like, I don't really talk to anyone, except for at work. And I'm annoying enough there as it is, I don't tell them my life's narrative.",0.34,positive,embarrassed 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,8,As in what you tell yourself about you! Because we are the ones who beat ourselves up and lack compassion for ourselves. Question: do you immediately put yourself down when you do anything wrong? Regardless of if it’s a big or a small wrong. ,-0.6996,negative,disappointed 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,9,"Deep inside I know I'm a failure, but I try to avoid thinking about it as much as possible, as it leads to no good. I just try my best, and that better be enough. And if it's not, it hurts. But let's not think about how much of a failure I really am.",0.3553,positive,ashamed 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,10,"There’s your narrative right there to yourself. That you’re a failure. Of course you’re not gonna be in a good mind set if that’s what you consistently believe of yourself. You know you’re allowed to fail right? I don’t care how many times you fail, but you’re allowed to. And this is what I mean about compassion to yourself. Especially about beating yourself up about the past. You gotta work up to forgiving yourself. Everyone is redeemable. Just take small steps. Baby steps. Fetus steps. Any progress is progress. ",0.8494,positive,disappointed 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",speaker,11,"Ye, but it's the only narrative that doesn't instantly make me kill myself thanks to my messed up childhood. Every other narrative and my existence falls apart.",-0.7783,negative,neutral 1209,depressed,"Shouldn't be depressed, yet here I am",listener_1,12,"Hey shit sorry, I've been feeling ill since I've been fasting and whatnot so I just forgot about everything. In my opinion, should it matter because probably not I guess, is that you look for a therapist that works for you. Show this thread to any sensible person and I know they won't say ""Oh you'll figure yourself out and be FIIINE"".",-0.7269,negative,sympathizing 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,1,"I hate almost everything I've ever done, but none of it was my fault. Still no one ever respected me because of the things I did that I couldn't choose or stop in any way. Both friends and girl friends started out as friends but became twisted ass holes making fun of me and expressing blatant disgust at my every action. I have no one in my life anymore, everyone I meet does the same thing. I don't know what to do if I could do anything at all. No one's going to read this anyway, but I just want the universe to know I will hate it forever and it can go fuck itself like the stupid cunt it is. ",-0.9518,negative,lonely 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,2,"Yes. I learned to move on when I saw how insignificant my resentments were; constructive apathy works, and it will help you focus power on a goal.",-0.2732,negative,sad 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,3,"I guess, my resentments are fairly significant. ",-0.2732,negative,angry 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,4,"They sure sound like it. Still, keep the idea in your mind that resentments can be dissolved, worked out, dropped etc...",0.2263,positive,acknowledging 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,5,You know the movie liar liar? It was like that but instead of having to tell the truth I did things that would make everyone cringe. ,0.1027,positive,ashamed 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,6,"Maybe, but the thoughts feel like light bulbs constantly flashing on and off at random",0.5023,positive,suggesting 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_2,7,So you didnt have control over it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,8,"Also, why do you say ""...none of it was my fault""?",-0.4019,negative,questioning 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,9,Understood. I get buried by afflictive thoughts as well.,0.2732,positive,agreeing 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,10,yeah,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,11,"Meh words don't mean much, things actually getting better would be great but it doesn't seem like that's ever going to happen. Time itself is a cruel waste of consciousness, it's both painfully slow and mercilessly final. Why do you have a lifetime of regrets?",-0.9521,negative,sad 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_2,12,"It started with bad decisions as a kid, not focusing on schoolwork, choosing relationships over friends, not getting out when i was younger, drugs, not going to college, getting married for the wrong reason, letting my ex wife ruin my life, not being as good a father as i could be.... it sounds pretty normal really. Its just after so many bad decisions it just seems like ive dug myself into a hole that i will never get out of. ",-0.8309,negative,sad 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,13,"Yeah, it's strange how there always seems to be two paths to take and the difference between the decisions made. Some people never even notice it and just do everything right so easily. While others are prodded by some kind of feeling that is often pain down the wrong path for way too long. I know I'm one of those people, it sounds like you are too. I don't consider any of it to be normal, it doesn't make sense. Why would we have made the wrong decision at any point at all? No one would have, so it makes me wonder how it happens and why. ",-0.6679999999999999,negative,agreeing 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_2,14,"I really dont know.i used to think that it was mainly due to me being unhappy with a certain situation, maybe my expectations were un realistic, then thinking about what i should have done differently. Then comes regret. Those decisions i made didnt seem wrong at the time, i wasnt concerned with how it would turn out in the end. My thing now is trying to convince myself that it is wrong to think this way. ",-0.4671,negative,anxious 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,15,"That's shitty about the afflictive thoughts, how do you deal with them? I don't have/had free will. ",-0.7432,negative,neutral 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,16,Well generally speaking it's a good idea to plan ahead but sometimes it makes no difference. ,-0.0772,negative,neutral 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,17,"I am nearing 50, so I partially depend on acquired wisdom to continually shoo away mental disturbance. I also spent alot of time practicing formal meditation and general mindfulness. It seems like some folks think mindfulness is useless, but I learned to plant myself in a moment and let afflictive thoughts disperse, and even deflect them. Another method is adjustment of interior dialogue or 'scripts': Answer negative voices with short quips like ""whaaaatever"".",-0.3716,negative,prepared 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,18,"That sounds like you know what you're doing. I meditate every day but I don't have free will so I never choose what I do, think, react to or experience altogether. ",-0.422,negative,trusting 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",listener_1,19,"Yeah, it really seems like I am 'controlled' as well, but atleast the illusion of choice is present sometimes. My pet theory is that our microbiome (gut bacteria is part of that) is a semi-sentient 'moderator' of our physical forms which may act contrary to our intentions. When I got diagnosed with undifferentiated schizophrenia, I was complaining about how my brain was ""attacking"" me, and I even thought I was possessed by demonic entities. I worked my way out of that.",-0.4872,negative,terrified 1210,depressed,"Are you like me, living with a lifetime of regrets?",speaker,20,"Yeah I've thought about that too, something that appears like an organ or something is actually a parasite with some kind of psychic abilities. But yeah I ""have"" schizophrenia too. Good job on working your way out of it. Although I know it's actually technological, once I had a few seconds of free will while someone was switching the battery in the controller. It felt really good, I didn't do anything except appreciate the stillness. Then the pain and mind control came rushing back in as an invisible wave through my brain. ",0.9541,positive,agreeing 1211,depressed,It would be so easy.,speaker,1,"Im all alone down in the basement. My mom is about to leave, and my brother is oblivious to everything in the house. It would be so fucking easy right now. Everything i need is here. I dont know if i can wait till morning this time. Every bone in my body is telling me to do it. But my head is making me think about what my family is gonna go through. But going on just for them doesn't seem like its worth feeling all this bullshit. Fuck me, i whish i wasn't sober right now.",-0.8714,negative,lonely 1211,depressed,It would be so easy.,listener_1,2,"Hey, DM me. Feeling the same way.",0.128,positive,acknowledging 1211,depressed,It would be so easy.,speaker,3,Yeah,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1211,depressed,It would be so easy.,listener_2,4,Good. Please stick around; someone is bound to be happy about it.,0.836,positive,consoling 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,speaker,1,anyone to just listen and answer,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,listener_1,2,"What's up my dude? Feel free to pm me or just reply here. (I am in bed so if I don't respond, I just fell asleep and will get back to ya in the morning)",0.5106,positive,questioning 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,listener_1,3,Why do you feel that? What's been going on in your life?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,listener_1,4,"I know this probably sounds like empty words but it gets better. If you got your heart broken, stress from the heartbreak grief is going to flood your body with Cortisol (the heavy achy feeling in your heart). Its only intensifying your loneliness but trust me time will heal all wounds. A friend once told me in my time of need that I am going to say to you: ""it sucks now but a broken heart doesn't make you unlovable. Take this to heal and come out stronger. But remind yourself to be open when love presents itself again."" Hope you feel better man :) know that you're not alone, you have an internet friend here to talk to whenever you want 😁",0.9921,positive,sentimental 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,listener_2,5,what would make it better?,0.4404,positive,questioning 1212,depressed,i need someone to talk to,listener_3,6,No problem,0.3089,positive,angry 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,speaker,1,Everything in my life sucks rn and I just want things to be the way they were. But now I just hate everything in my life. I need someone to talk to and tell me everythings going to be okay before I lose it. Words of affirmation are the only thing that are going to help me through this shit.,-0.9037,negative,trusting 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,listener_1,2,"Life changes all the time. Don't try to relive the past, make the future better than the past was. You will be surprised by all the opportunities that appear when you do this. ",0.7506,positive,hopeful 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,speaker,3,I'm trying but it's really hard,-0.2592,negative,neutral 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,listener_1,4,Why?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,speaker,5,"Just when I try, it's like life gives me a giant middle finger and tells me that I'm not meant to have that satisfaction.",0.6597,positive,disappointed 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,listener_1,6,"It definitely does a lot, but you can always press on and never stop until you find it. Do you have an example of this happening to you?",0.4909,positive,questioning 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,speaker,7,"Well for starters, my social life lol. I just moved and I can't seem to catch a date lol. The people up in this area are rude lol",0.7579,positive,annoyed 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,listener_1,8,Getting a date is impossible. You have to either have money or a lot of money. Where did you move to? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1213,depressed,Everything sucks,speaker,9,Modesto area,0.0,neutral,grateful 1214,depressed,I wish I was dead,speaker,1,"I don't want to kill myself or anything, that would suck. I just wish I'd go to sleep and then never wake up. Because I'll never be good enough for anything I want in this world. And I'm really fucking weird. To the point where I can't even pretend to be normal anymore. I just want a loyal and caring girlfriend and a band without any drama or ego trips. But that's never going to happen. Never did never will. So what's the point? And those things aren't that much to ask for so what the fuck? I'm tired, I hope I die in my sleep tonight. ",-0.8569,negative,sad 1214,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_1,2,Atleast give yourself some room to think your princess will knock on the door and your band will be awesome. You know it's possible for one or both to happen.,0.6249,positive,suggesting 1214,depressed,I wish I was dead,speaker,3,"No I met her and lost her, I was in a few bands but none of them worked out obviously. I'm getting too old for either possibility to happen. ",-0.3071,negative,devastated 1214,depressed,I wish I was dead,speaker,4,"meh, I might have had the one I want but it's over anyway. But no you're wrong, having a shitty girl friend can be worse than not having one at all. You tell yourself it won't matter what she does but it matters. tiiert edit: I fell asleep. But you say things would just be interesting despite their outcome. This is not possible, especially with a woman. When things go wrong it kills you for a while. You can't just say ""oh well I have no feelings about things that are very significant."" That would be stupid. Especially when a woman has the ability to make you feel the best you could possibly feel then make you feel the worst you could possibly feel then leave you to make it that much worse.",-0.9432,negative,neutral 1215,depressed,Why do I always compare myself to everyone else in my life and I'm never happy with myself,speaker,1,"Whether it's an ex of my SO's, a friend, just anyone. I have to like myself eventually right ?",0.6908,positive,annoyed 1215,depressed,Why do I always compare myself to everyone else in my life and I'm never happy with myself,listener_1,2,"Yes. We must all eventually at least settle with who we are. Actually liking yourself is even more beneficial, of course. That said, it isn't an easy thing to do for some of us but I do think it is necessary. Self-hate is very damaging and has no up-side.",-0.6804,negative,neutral 1215,depressed,Why do I always compare myself to everyone else in my life and I'm never happy with myself,listener_1,3,"It really is a mistake to compare yourself to others because we are all different. If you compare yourself to others there are 2 possible outcomes, both destructive. Either you will feel inferior and damage yourself with self-hate or you will feel superior and damage yourself with idiot pride and arrogance. We all have to accept ourselves spots and all in order to survive this hard hard life. I wish you the best. I hated myself for most of my life and then I really looked into why and if it was possible not to. Sometimes it's possible not to but not always. Depression is a seriously altered state of mind that makes clear-thinking and objectivity practically impossible. It's a struggle.",-0.7639,negative,wishing 1216,depressed,Religious Struggle,speaker,1,I have been struggling with depression for a while due to the loss of my religion. I stopped believing in heaven and what not and now i am more of an atheist/agnostic person. I feel extremely depressed all day thinking about how death is inevitable and how I will be dead for all eternity. If anyone has advice for getting over the thought of death please tell me.,-0.9674,negative,sad 1216,depressed,Religious Struggle,listener_1,2,"Maybe it’s a sign or message to revisit your faith. Try perhaps to come to terms with what gets in the way of your belief. (How can a merciful God allow kids to get shot,etc) one thing faith does for me is let’s me pass the buck. “I guess there is a reason I feel down, maybe it’ll help me somehow”. If not that, maybe some counseling. Hugs. Hope you feel better",0.9601,positive,suggesting 1216,depressed,Religious Struggle,speaker,3,"It's good to know that there is someone out there I can relate to, thanks for the comment.",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 1216,depressed,Religious Struggle,speaker,4,But before you're born something is going to happen but after it's nothing which scares me.,0.3724,positive,afraid 1216,depressed,Religious Struggle,listener_2,5,"that makes no sense. Before you were born, you were nothing. There was nothing for you. There was no consciousness that ""something is going to happen."" Watch the videos. And honestly, you are doing yourself a huge disservice watching life pass you by because you are afraid of dying. Because you may as well essentially be dead then, if you aren't actually going to try to live. ",-0.3182,negative,neutral 1217,depressed,Life is getting way too real,speaker,1,"I can't get these thoughts out of my head of impending doom. Tonight has been really weird, everything turned out to be the opposite of what I wanted. I feel so alone with an extremely depressing future ahead of me. Just a half of a century of disappointment and pain. Why did life and the people I knew have to suck so bad? It feels almost orchestrated it's so bad. Fuck you universe stop making my life hell you cunt! You god damn miserable cunt! ",-0.9939,negative,sad 1217,depressed,Life is getting way too real,listener_1,2,"Look at what you are writing: your 'script' is self-talk, and it's negative. I learned to adjust my script, and the world is a bit kinder.",-0.128,negative,grateful 1217,depressed,Life is getting way too real,speaker,3,"There are many things that made/make me negative. I can't just go into denial about them. But explain what you did/how you adjusted your ""script"" and what you mean by script.",-0.3291,negative,disappointed 1218,depressed,Why doesn't anybody care about me?,speaker,1,I know I come off as abrasive and negative on this account but I'm actually the opposite irl. This is just my place to vent because I have a lot of problems. But really it's getting to me pretty hard right now. I don't have anyone in my life at all. Every connection I've ever made with another person ends with them not caring about me one way or another and then I do the same because what else can you really do? And then they're gone. I wish at least one person would stick around as a friend but no one ever has. I don't understand what's with this kind of shit. ,-0.7124,negative,lonely 1218,depressed,Why doesn't anybody care about me?,listener_1,2,"Depression has a way of making you feel like no one cares, and by the time you realise actually they might care, you've pushed them away. Depression sucks. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to caring about you :)",-0.2914,negative,lonely 1218,depressed,Why doesn't anybody care about me?,speaker,3,Yeah you're probably right but the people I've known and the things that happened make it very hard for me to do that. I just hope I don't meet anymore people like them. Although the latest person this happened with was really confusing. ,0.5955,positive,neutral 1218,depressed,Why doesn't anybody care about me?,listener_1,4,"I hope you meet some nice people. I've had friends who I thought cared about me and turned out they just used me to make themselves feel better or blame their problems on. But there are genuinely nice people out there, and I truly hope you find some :)",0.9666,positive,encouraging 1218,depressed,Why doesn't anybody care about me?,speaker,5,"Yeah you too, I know they're out there somewhere. I get so awkward and nervous though it's really hard to meet people like that. Although I think genuinely nice people would over look that. ",0.3241,positive,agreeing 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,speaker,1,So lately I have been getting this horrible feeling like nothing I do is ever good enough. It’s like I get a glimpse of something good and then it’s taken away from me and I’m back to feeling that feeling of hopelessness. I’m not quite sure what to do to shake it off. It just keeps coming back. I just wish I could catch a break and have the feeling of everything is going to be ok and keep it for a while. ,0.6804,positive,disappointed 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,listener_1,2,"My strategy is to ignore feelings of low self-worth and listen to reason: There is a brutal critic in my head who starts shit with me when I get creative or even do general tasks like cleaning, but I learned to answer that critic by saying ""...I am enjoying myself here...I will play this guitar or doodle and have fun because that is all it has to be about"". Another motto is: nobody is watching and no one really cares that I am being me in my own space. Even so, I am chronically psychotic in how I am always assuming that someone is watching, and I want their approval. I should know better, but my brain craves attention, so I am constantly fantasizing that someone is watching me do stuff, and when it becomes automatic, I may or may not catch myself. ",0.9558,positive,content 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,speaker,3,I assume the same thing as well. I feel like I always need to impress someone or I can’t do or say certain things because it might make people not want to talk to me. ,0.8115,positive,anxious 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,listener_1,4,"I never really learned to 'be myself' until I was finally shown how much of a 'pretentious douche' I was. 'Hiding and Lying to Fit In' is a common problem, but that was basically my personality, and as an alcoholic, it ruined whatever social life I had. 8 years later, I settled into a right-sized ego (mostly), but then psychosis keeps me from really growing into a normal person (I am in my late-40's). In your case, I would start working with a strong, real life mentor who can guide you to mental integrity. ",0.3694,positive,ashamed 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,speaker,5,Thanks for the advice I really appreciate it. I’m in my mid 20s and just feel like I need to fit in when I’m around people. I don’t really drink a lot I don’t smoke and sometimes I feel like that’s a reason I don’t hang out with people a lot ,0.908,positive,grateful 1219,depressed,Feeling like nothing I do is good enough,listener_1,6,"When I was drinking, I hung out with people I didn't like. Even as a teenager -already mentally disordered- I was a different person everyday in how I copied styles or talked a certain way, and I really had no clue why everyone gave me shit about it. I don't know if you are that disordered, but I suggest focusing on something you really like doing and learn to tune-out anyone who tries to deflect or block your enthusiasm.",0.1644,positive,ashamed 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,speaker,1,"*I’m just gonna stick a “mention of suicide” trigger warning here just incase* Hey y’all, this is my first time posting over here. So I guess a little background is in order. I’m 23, f, been struggling with severe depression, anxiety, recently diagnosed with ADD. suicidal thoughts/self harm (clean for a few years). That’s the general jist of it. Anyways, after a major life change — my boyfriend and I who were living together broke up because he was cheating on me— I was in the darkest pit I’ve ever been in. That was November. Early January I finally decided to pick my shit up and try to get better. I got back on my meds, I started going to counselling, I started journaling every day. My confidence started to build. I was able to redirect negative thoughts. I was beginning to accept that being alone was okay and that I didn’t need another person to love me to feel validated. I went on this way for months. Working my ass off for a life that I enjoyed living. In around April, I started slipping a bit. It’s very hard to continue putting in that work because it really doesn’t get easier. It’s a constant effort, but it IS worth it. It just got to be very exhausting. So I stopped really taking care of myself. Still take my meds. Still go to counselling. Kinda stopped the positive self-talk, stopped the journalling etc.... really started to wallow. Suddenly, my 19 year old baby cousin hung himself on Mother’s Day. My entire family was blindsided. Crushed. As someone who’s dealt with suicide attempts I mildly understood though. I know everyone thinks of “what if” and I will think for the rest of my life that I might have been able to do something had I known what he was going through. My heart continually breaks every day for this. Since then especially. I have completely let go. I am in the darkest place I’ve ever been (minus the self harm) But mentally I am done. I’m back in the same if not a worse spot than I was in January. I’m so disgcouraged as I was doing so well. But I know how much effort it takes to really be okay. I just don’t have the energy for that right now. I’m grieving the loss of my baby cousin. I’m watching what his suicide has done to my whole family. And I just have no energy. I’ve been isolating myself from the people in my life. Sleeping a lot. Just lost all interest in life. Have I thought about suicide since then? Yes. But I see what happens after. And I cant make my family And friends go through that again. And then I feel guilty for thinking it because of all that just happened. I don’t even know if this is me asking for advice or just putting it out there SOMEWHERE how I’ve been feeling. Thanks for listenin’ ",-0.9563,negative,apprehensive 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,listener_1,2,Did your cousin resent being referred to as 'baby cousin'...especially when he was a teen? Also interesting to me is that he died on Mother's Day. ,-0.3818,negative,questioning 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,speaker,3,I never called him that. That’s just what I think of him as. Especially now. Just the fact that he was so young when he took his life. I have no idea the significance of Mother’s Day. He and his mom were very close but I guess I wasn’t either of them so I really can’t speculate. There’s no point in dwelling on it because there will never be answers I suppose. ,-0.4019,negative,sad 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,listener_1,4,"Looks like you can think about your experience, and those insights are really valuable to you. I think you have strength, and you can build on it. ",0.8439,positive,acknowledging 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,speaker,5,Thanks. I appreciate it. I know I can be better. It’s just hard to muster up the strength right now. ,0.8834,positive,faithful 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,speaker,6,I’d appreciate anything that might help. Right now I’m really not okay. I wake up with that feeling of complete disgust for myself and life. ,0.0144,neutral,disgusted 1220,depressed,So much progress only to go back.,listener_2,7," Okay, some If my techniques is try to learning something everyday. And yes, it's as corny as it sounds :) I usually try to learning something from every experience I have and even when I'm down I try to think about it and imagine conversations talking about everything. Do things you like and that make you feel better. I have a lot of them: drawing, playing instruments, watching youtube, learn programming, watch tv shows and films, etc... Also, you don't own shit to anyone. Be yourself and hang out with people that you are confortable with. If you can't laugh, fake it. Eventually, it will be a true laugh. ",0.9672,positive,nostalgic 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,1,"My birthday is in 2 weeks and a half. I'll be alone for the whole week and I'll get myself some pizza, watch movies, listen to music and get fucked up on drugs.",-0.7506,negative,lonely 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,listener_1,2,Do it safely,0.4939,positive,trusting 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,3,Not planning on doing it safely ,0.4939,positive,apprehensive 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,4,Also I know I'll be alone because my family will be out of the country for the whole week,-0.25,negative,lonely 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,5,Haven't been on a birthday in years. Was the type of kid everyone tried to ignore.,-0.3612,negative,surprised 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,6,"Yeah I know, if you do it properly that's great but there is always a chance that you miss the vital parts and survive.",0.7615,positive,agreeing 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,7,You dont think I've done that already? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1221,depressed,Alone on 18th birthday.,speaker,8,Yeah I've been having therapies for the past half a year. It just doesn't help. Also I see nothing my wrong about me giving myself a nice birthday present,0.7715,positive,content 1222,depressed,Moving onto a new chapter.,speaker,1,"So I've been living with my best friend his wife and my fiancee. They let us move into an apartment with them under there landlords nose, I did pay half of all the rent that's here, held down a job for the first time in my life, really started to make something of myself. I see to have a drug problem, the lease is Up, and my best friend, I mean way back since 6th grade, got a 3 bedroom house for rent and told me I couldn't come and would instead habe his wife's sister live with them. Now for a little background, my friend had this big crush on his wife's sister, I'm not talking years ago I'm talking a month ago, well into his marriage. I mean I asked him why I couldn't come, and he said because I have a criminal record. And yes I did use to have a drug problem, I was caught and paid for it, and ever since then I have spent over 300 dollars applying for rentals and have been turned down by over 4 realtor companies because I have a misdemeanor paraphernalia. It just hurt so bad when my friend threw me under the bus for it. Now the only place me and my fiancee have to go is my mother's. And my mother, is charging well over what I paid here for rent, on top of having a huge negative impact on my mental state and having 9 other children, she actually called me the other night trying to prove a point to my sister that I don't love anybody, that I tried to kill myself last year for manipulation and attention and damn did that hurt. Anyway, short story long my roomates just moved all of there things out today because they are so excited to move on into there next chapter, ",-0.6914,negative,jealous 1222,depressed,Moving onto a new chapter.,listener_1,2,"Sounds like you’re doing a lot better regardless of your troubles. Stay solid, chip away at your goals. Maybe you can work towards buying something if people don’t accept your applications. Good luck, chin up.",0.8885,positive,acknowledging 1222,depressed,Moving onto a new chapter.,speaker,3,"I am doing much better. I have had a job at gamestop for like 7 months now and am engaged. Still get depressed a lot, but I've been able to keep it minimal.. :)",0.7506,positive,content 1222,depressed,Moving onto a new chapter.,listener_1,4,That’s awesome!!,0.6892,positive,acknowledging 1223,depressed,After many years of struggling to improve myself I finally got a match on a dating app - but then she killed it because of something I cannot control. I'm hopeless.,speaker,1,"So I've been a pretty depressed dude for a long time now, but a couple of years ago I decided to change up my life as much as I can possibly can. So I did the following: - Really started hitting the gym hard. I paid for a personal trainer, did couch to 5k, and even ran a half marathon. I've lost 70lbs in the last two years! - I cultivated my own hobbies such as travel, photography, etc that are beyond just video games and movies. - I got rid of my entire wardrobe and started dressing better. I got advice from MFA, friends (including women) and I even paid for a personal stylist so that I can look better. - I got lots of advice from /r/tinder and /r/bumble and wrote the best possible profile I could think of. I really tested my photos with people I knew to pick the best one. - I stopped watching porn as much as possible (this throwaway was used for that - it's been ~2 years since I logged in) All in all I really tried my best to overhaul myself so that I would stop being ""forever alone"". But I never had luck with dating. I went on a few dates that fizzled away. In over one year on Tinder, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid I *didn't have a single match*! But I kept at it. Earlier today I finally matched with a girl on Bumble. To be honest she was cute, but she was incredibly overweight (more than I ever was). But it doesn't matter because she was cute and she was an interesting conversation. I liked talking with her. The conversation ended up getting dirty and she outright asked for a dick pic. I clarified and then sent her one. And then no more messages. See I don't exactly have the biggest or thickest one (~4.5in). And I'd been convincing myself that it doesn't really matter. Most women don't care too much about size. But I guess that was wrong. I only sent her one message after and then stopped. No point in pestering anyone. I know I should move on. It's just one girl. But man I went years without a match. And once it finally happened, the one thing about me that I cannot change has fucked me over. What's the point? ",0.9695,positive,proud 1224,depressed,I do not know where to start from,speaker,1,"I am 21 y old. I am actually smart but I rarely interact with lot of people. I enjoy reading and writing. I have terrible scores in my college because I am dedicating my time in trying to learn stuff from the internet rather than curriculum which I feel like is very outdated. I am also very skinny and have been trying to gain weight since last year but not successful so far. I sleep at 5 am in the morning and not able to cope with life in general. I also waste too much time on internet. I do not know if it is lack of social interaction, lack of self confidence or just a series a failures in last few initiatives that is dragging me down. Need help. ",0.0366,neutral,ashamed 1224,depressed,I do not know where to start from,listener_1,2,"Hey, I understand how you feel. While I can’t help you with your grades, you might want to consider looking at social medias as you’re a lot on the internet. One option is Discord where I myself have met amazing people who helped me and I still talk to. But I guess I can’t say much as a 14 year old. I just hope you’ll meet some nice people who could guide you further through life.",0.8779,positive,agreeing 1224,depressed,I do not know where to start from,speaker,3,I am not a gamer so discord is pretty pointless for me,-0.0071,neutral,neutral 1225,depressed,"Feeling down, just wanna vent.",speaker,1,"Been feeling suicidal for the past 2-3 months. I've read every self help book/video and inspirational quote. I understand where my depression is coming from, I rationally get how to get out of it, but it's been a few months and I just wanted to vent. I probably wont do anything to myself and eventually get out of it but it just feels nice to put it out there even if no one reads it. I need to reiterate to myself that life is short, there are things i am definitely grateful for, I have my own life mission, everything's within my control, and ultimately my ego needs to realize it's not that important and everything in my life is up to me. I get it. I know it. But I just need time to internalize that the bad stuff in my life is gonna pass in time emotionally. Anyways, hope everyone else is doing well. ",0.8157,positive,sad 1225,depressed,"Feeling down, just wanna vent.",listener_1,2,I totally get you. I have good days when nothing matters in the world and im happy go lucky.and then theres those days when everything is weighing heavy on my shoulders and i want to end it all. Im very proud of you! Not many people have the strength and courage to live through the pain for the moment and always see light at the end of the tunnel. I really do commend you for acknowledging your sickness. Mental illness is so easily overlooked and people who dont have it will never understand how WE cant control it. Dont ever give up and please dont hurt yourself. Suicide ends your pain but someone else gains it.. Keep pushing forward there are better days ahead and life is actually pretty giod on the good days. Can i ask what is your depression? If im going to personal i understand and apologize.. Hope you begin to feel better soon..,0.9832,positive,agreeing 1225,depressed,"Feeling down, just wanna vent.",listener_1,3,Its like im reading my own story. I have a very very similar story. By the grace of god i met a really great friend who lifted me up and i still struggle with depression but im ok. Happy to hear you are coming out of it but dont give up!!! You can do this!!! Work out in the comfort of your home.there are many exercises you can do without the gym. Use things around the house to substitute weights.. Please find the courage to love yourself again.. ,0.9829,positive,grateful 1226,depressed,Another bad day...,speaker,1,As if a excruciating migraine couldn't make it any worse... Fml,-0.8126,negative,annoyed 1226,depressed,Another bad day...,listener_1,2,Ohh man that sucks! Hope you feel better though!,0.5972,positive,consoling 1226,depressed,Another bad day...,speaker,3,Glad that youre ok breathing and living.. Thank you for your advice i will definitely use that information at my next dr visit. I have a benign tumor which i think has gotten a slight bigger so i will be meeting with my neurologist to check status. Im ok still living a normal life but the migraines have return and wont stop.,0.7895,positive,agreeing 1226,depressed,Another bad day...,speaker,4,"Thank you, i will definitely be doing that. ",0.6369,positive,agreeing 1227,depressed,Why bother trying,speaker,1,"nothing but a actual burden to the people around me and I feel like a overwhelming burden ... I am who i am right? Well I am just a pain then. This is more of a venting than just posting for publicity or a opinion from someone..but for the longest time I never had any friends or bothered to really know people cause i was homeschooled. Until recently I only talked to one person and they are related to me so it didn't matter much as far as i was concerned, branched out a little and started to realize how needy and clingy I am for attention and wanting to spend time with someone to the point that I am just overwhelming in my own mind even though everyone else around me doesn't seem to see it that way but i sure do. I don't wanna change that either, cause i know it is a big part of how i show my love and affection but maybe there's a way to calm it down a little I know that someone will maybe appreciate me for how i act and who i am. I just feel like curling up in a ball and rolling around in circles attempting to pick up all my pieces that are clearly scattered all over the floor beneath me. Soo many thoughts and so much pain just whistling through and echoing in my ears. Sigh",0.6999,positive,lonely 1227,depressed,Why bother trying,listener_1,2,"I get you. It will change, you'll feel good, but you have to do something for it",0.2382,positive,neutral 1227,depressed,Why bother trying,speaker,3,Well no it isn't initially about talking to my cousin more or less someone else who has grown to quickly matter a lot to me. I've always talked to her but it didn't seem to do much for me cause it was just a family thing..,0.0,neutral,neutral 1228,depressed,"Just moved into an apartment, owners changed, now asked to leave",speaker,1,"Live in Hudson Valley, NY. My wife and I have had a hard time together. We both have lifelong illnesses. We’ve struggled a lot. Neither of us were able to graduate college. We both have decent jobs now. We have been living with friends for the past 6 months to save for an apartment. We only have one car so it was hard to do. I ended up having to quit my job because it was too far away. We just moved to a new apartment and are almost done unpacking. Thank god I didn’t throw the boxes out. It’s the nicest roomiest most affordable place we’ve ever lived, the guy didn’t want a credit check and didn’t mind cats (we have 2). We spent every penny we have to get in here. We are scrimping to pay rent next month as it is. Our landlord told us the house was on the market but would be for at least a year or two and that he would make sure we could stay. Out of the blue he tells us it was sold but says don’t worry, he wants you to stay and that rent will be the same. The potential new owner comes through today just to check everything out. It is my only day off btw (I commute with my wife, we work close by each other so we can carpool). They leave then I get a knock on the door. The guy says he’s officially the new owner. He tells me that the landlord did tell him he wouldn’t rent the apartment. The new owner has a cousin planning on taking our apartment who didn’t sign a lease at his old place and is now in limbo two. This guys signed the lease knowing he would kick us out. If he is not lying, then both of us were lied to by my former land lord who told the new owner that we would be staying for only a few months! We were planning on a few years! I told him we need time to get out and he understood but I don’t know how! We did sign a month to month lease unfortunately. He said it was best for both of us. I feel so stupid. This is a scummy situation. We’re totally screwed. Anyone have any advice? Can I take these people to court? I have a text of the old landlord saying the new one wants us to stay. The new landlord said he has text messages from the old one too. I’m completely devastated. We haven’t had a stable environment in so long. We loved this place. I’m so heartbroken and scared. 😰 we just want to be together somewhere safe.",-0.9501,negative,lonely 1228,depressed,"Just moved into an apartment, owners changed, now asked to leave",listener_1,2,I'm so sorry for you. That sounds awful. I have no experience in this situation but I would suggest trying to get a consultation with a tenant lawyer. I know you're low on money but some offer free consultations.,-0.0249,neutral,sympathizing 1228,depressed,"Just moved into an apartment, owners changed, now asked to leave",speaker,3,Thanks. I’m not sure they’ve done anything illegal! Just really scummy 😭🤕,-0.7444,negative,sympathizing 1228,depressed,"Just moved into an apartment, owners changed, now asked to leave",listener_1,4,I'm not either but it sounds like it could be. A lawyer could tell if it is or not.,0.5023,positive,neutral 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,speaker,1,I am at a point where no matter how many people are around me I feel alone. My family is too busy for me. I come home from work and everyone is in their rooms or talking to their own friends. The few friends I have are way too busy to let me burden them. My husband is always angry with me and his way to deal with it is to ignore me. I guess he doesn't understand how I interpret that as I am just not worth his time. My kids are teenagers and don't want to be around me. They have friends and games and thier problems. I just want someone to hold me and give me attention. I guess that is too much to ask . I go to work because I have to but there is so much negativity there that I try to distract myself with audiobooks. I really wish the pain would stop. I really wish that I could run away. Nothing seems to help. I don't even think my family would notice if I didn't come home until they needed something. I hate my life. I hate it all. ,-0.9742,negative,lonely 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,listener_1,2,Life is worth living because you are strong and beautiful. Right now we are feeling alone because noone understands what we feel how we feel nor what we need. Take a stand make a change for you.. Try a new job. Find a temporary happy place. Learn to slowly love yourself and build your confidence up. If your family is too busy for you then make time to be in there business. I have 4 teenage boys and work at a job i hate but get along with my coworkers. I have good days and i have bad days. I have now come to a point were i can be so broken inside but show a smile on my face. I come home and i smoke.. Yes i get high and it helps with the pain and depression. I will pray for you.. Please feel better soon. Take it day by day but you have to trick your mind to begin to have better days.. Take care love,0.9708,positive,grateful 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,speaker,3,Thank you. Somedays just hit you harder than others. ,0.3612,positive,grateful 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,listener_1,4,Totally understand.. But you can do this..,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,speaker,5,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,speaker,6,Better. Still the same stressors but I am thankful not to be so focused on them. Thanks for checking on me. How are you?,0.9366,positive,grateful 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,listener_2,7,Doing ok. Life is a constant adventure. I think I hang in there out of sheer curiosity. And to savor those good moments. I thought i was losing my sister to cancer but she seems to have perhaps turned the corner! Something to celebrate! ,0.6941,positive,hopeful 1229,depressed,Why even try anymore,speaker,8,Yes it is. I hope she gets better. I understand the sticking around just to see what happens. Tomorrow is a new day. ,0.8176,positive,agreeing 1230,depressed,I can't escape,speaker,1,"I'm stuck. I hate my job, but if I quit I'll get kicked out. I'm so tired from super early morning shifts that I'm afraid to sleep and fail to wake up to my alarm and miss shifts. I'm dealing with rape trauma that had resurfaced after a year because I'm in such a terrible state of mind. I take Xanax just to get through my day without having an anxiety attack. There are so many roots to my mental decline that I can't seem to find my way up again. I'm certain I have a serious STD from said rape that I can't pay to have tested because I spend all of my paycheck to bills and rent. I just want to get wasted and take all of my Xanax and just fade away. It's always something. I haven't been ok. I don't feel like I'll ever be ok. At this rate, I'm going to die because I just can't take it or the STD won't get treated and kill me. I'm going to die. I feel it looming. I just can't decide if I want to put up with it anymore. I can't afford life on a money scale. It's cheaper to die, and that breaks my heart. I'm stuck, and I'm sinking fast.",-0.9964,negative,terrified 1230,depressed,I can't escape,listener_1,2,"Hey, it's late where I'm from (almost 2am) but I check this subreddit sometimes before I head to bed just to see if anyone needs someone to talk to, and I'm down to talk. It'll just be in the morning. I wake up at 8am and I'm checking this first thing in the morning. If you don't feel like talking, that's cool. If you do though, I'm here for you👌 If we don't end up talking, have a good one and keep your head held high, bad times only last for so long. If you do end up responding, know that I'll be back in about 6 hours 👌",0.95,positive,trusting 1230,depressed,I can't escape,speaker,3,"I'm going to work, for me it's about 4 in the morning. I'm MST. Talking would make me feel better, I can't talk until I'm out of work though.",0.4404,positive,anxious 1230,depressed,I can't escape,listener_1,4,"Alright, I'll be here after work 👌",0.7983,positive,prepared 1230,depressed,I can't escape,speaker,5,Yes and no... Most of them are too pricy. I don't have health insurance,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,speaker,1,"I don't know where to begin. I guess I'll start off describing my life. Born to a third world country, forced to go to a school where the only mean of getting a high-end job is through earning a scholarship (which in itself is a hard feat due to it only being awarded to 10 students and also the fact of corrupt politicians making sure their kids get it. I'm born Catholic, but I've just given up believing as the relgion is just too much for me to handle, why let people suffer if you have the power to stop it. I hate that I have to eat, I hate that I have to excercise, I hate having to remove waste products and I hate having to talk to people as the conversation will always be one sided. I also hate that your life and phenotype is determined by the genes you inherited. I hate that we are forced to have a sexual preference and gender. My mum tells me that life is a blessing and that I should thank the lord and her for bringing me into this world. (I'm called a miricale child in the family as when I was born either me or my mother had to die in order for one of us to live. But they eventually found a way to save both our lives.. I won't go in detail about it). I hate this, why should I thank you? Why should I be greatful to be in an existence of pure misery and hardship. Everyone else has it better except me. I don't owe my mum a signle god damn thing. She felt horney one day and the result of that was my conception. I didn't ask to be born and I didn't asked to be brought into the world. I'm not smart, I'm not fit and I certainly don't have any wisdom. Girls don't like me, Men don't like me. My teachers hate me and my parents just give me everything, I hate it. No one thinks of me. I just want all this to end I can't stand it. I don't like existing. And I'm too much of a pussy to end it all. I intentionally start arguments with people online and in real life because I love seeing the annoyed look of people as they contemplated how a person like me can be so stupid and so arrogant. Everday, feels so empty and hollow like there is something missing. I can't do anything right. I'm failing school and if i fail my entire family will be judged as the wonder how they managed to raise a loser like me. I hate this I hate everything... ",-0.9988,negative,ashamed 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,listener_1,2,I see you like superheros; do you ever fantasize about being mentored by one of them? ,0.3612,positive,questioning 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,speaker,3,To some degree. I think just fantasizing about having meaning/purpose is what draws me to liking superheroes ,0.4019,positive,jealous 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,listener_1,4,"Constructive fantasy is good for us. Atleast you have something to enjoy, and I would build on it.",0.7269,positive,neutral 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,speaker,5,"I'm doing fine, thanks for asking :) ",0.7717,positive,grateful 1231,depressed,I never asked to be born,listener_2,6,Good to know! Hang tough. ,0.4003,positive,acknowledging 1232,depressed,Odd one out.,speaker,1,"Ever lay awake at night and think to yourself, ""I don't fit in anywhere"" Right at this moment it's clicked over to 12:05am and that very thought it back. Out of everyone I know, I'm different and I don't have much in common with anyone. All my friends do outside work like construction, tree surgeons, roofing etc. Me? I'm a tax advisor. My friends seek relationships, date and have sex. Me, I have no interest in any of that. I've had sex and been in relationships but they've never lasted long. Girls always tell me in distant am rather cold and distracted by something. Also I'm terrible in bed so I try to avoid it as much as possible. All my friends are in to totally different hobbies than me and love going out drinking and though I love a drink I don't do it anyway as much as them. All in all, I'm just the odd one out. I've looked for other friends and things but I can't connect to people. I just feel so lost and broken. What is wrong with me? Why aren't I like the rest of everyone around here?",-0.6633,negative,lonely 1232,depressed,Odd one out.,listener_1,2,It’s okay to be the odd one out. You are unique. Nothing wrong with that! ,0.3498,positive,agreeing 1232,depressed,Odd one out.,speaker,3,"I am the odd one out when it comes to my friendship group. The thing is, we've all been friends for many years. Going all the way back to Primary school. It's just over the years, things have changed. They all do different types of work and like doing different things. The only thing we really share doing it meeting up in the pub and having a drink otherwise we don't have much in common. Despite how I act I'm actually rather a shy person who doesn't do much. So I haven't made friends my age just people i work with who are a lot older than me. I know it's okay to be different but it really does take it's tole. Over the years my sadness has only gotten worse. ",-0.7167,negative,lonely 1232,depressed,Odd one out.,listener_2,4,"that’s understandable. the thing that makes me feel the most fulfilled is dancing. i do that and i forget all my troubles. when my ex broke my heart, that night my friend she pulled out her phone and played music and she said “just dance, it’ll be okay” and i did. and it helped every time i wanted to cry. friends came in and they were like “wow someone’s happy why are you dancing?” and i said “nope. someone’s sad and wants to be happy.” i’m not trying to say dancing will cure you or anything, but i am saying doing something to invest in yourself, something that you enjoy doing, can really help. ",0.9251,positive,neutral 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,1,The past few years I’ve been depressed things get better but then they end up they were. I kinda just wanna kill myself. I know about family friends but idk my head is just telling me I’m just over everything now I just want to do it and kill my self,-0.898,negative,sad 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_1,2,"Oh so many of us get it, we really do. I feel like such a broken screw up a lot of the time. But you were put on earth for a reason. You may not know what it is yet. Hang in there though and HUGS!!!",0.7767,positive,agreeing 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,3,But it’s just been like this since 2013 I got help and still am like this ,0.8765,positive,neutral 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,4,I love daft punk. Been listing to the new cudi but idk.,0.25,positive,apprehensive 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_2,5,"I've been listening to the song the game of love a lot lately because I've been depressed. The lyrics and atmosphere of that song make me think that it's true, life is all about finding love and everyone is doing that at the same time all the time. So eventually something will click and I'll have found it. That gives me a reason to keep living and that reason feels pretty good. ",0.9325,positive,faithful 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_1,6,Well I am sorry to hear that you are struggling but I know you are here for a reason. Maybe to help and inspire others in some way. Have you tried any meds? ,0.8442,positive,suggesting 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,7,Yeah I’m on Effexor 75 mg ,0.29600000000000004,positive,apprehensive 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,8,It’s off and on somedays but I just feel most days are getting worse I kinda just wanna get it over with I’m just done with everything,-0.631,negative,sad 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,9,Thanks friend,0.7269,positive,wishing 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,10,Better than i was worked killed me today.,-0.3818,negative,neutral 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,11,Eh yesterday just binged on Netflix now I’m at work hoping I’ll just be busy all day.,0.4215,positive,hopeful 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_3,12,"That's cool. Yeah, I try to keep myself busy lately to keep my mind off things. Repetitive tasks aren't so bad if you don't think about that or anything else too much. Most of my work is online or through travel but it's the same motions to get through it. Same shtick or spiel every time. I just set a goal every time I do it to just get better at it. I try to be more efficient or try something new in there to see if it ends up working out. Watching new shows and anime and stuff has helped me, too. Easy to get lost in thought without watching something to stimulate the brain. Been a bit tougher since I don't have my PC set up at the moment, but my work iPad has been clutch lol. ",0.964,positive,hopeful 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,13,I have my Apple TV it helps a lot.,0.3818,positive,grateful 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,speaker,14,Eh it was alright just work killed me today was kinda freaking out. ,-0.7190000000000001,negative,neutral 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_1,15,Well stay strong. We are thinking about you and get the struggle! ,0.5255,positive,wishing 1233,depressed,Ehh kinda over life,listener_3,16,"Yeah, that's good! My chromecast has been getting work done for me, lol.",0.8016,positive,acknowledging 1234,depressed,S,speaker,1,"Sitting Staring At nothing Writing So I don’t lose all my sanity Have I lost it already? I feel like I have On the verge of taking my last breath I write what I feel But I feel nothing Why am I like this? I love you all. Write, yell, draw, cry, run, swim. Do something that allows you to express yourself in a way that you feel you can. If you don’t do any of those, have no drive to, just do it. Instead of sitting and doing nothing with the thoughts that crowd your head, create them into something. Who knows, you might find a new love for something you never would’ve thought you had. Chins up and eyes forward loves😁",0.9686,positive,ashamed 1234,depressed,S,listener_1,2,I'm just starting to come out of a deep bout of depression and this post really hit home. You have a way with words. Thanks.,-0.2023,negative,grateful 1234,depressed,S,speaker,3,No worries 😁 and thank you! Glad to hear that and I hope your journey is full of love and light🤙🏾,0.9658,positive,encouraging 1235,depressed,Fuck. I don't know why i'm crying...,speaker,1,"Please help.. I need some advice.. support or even guidance.. I feel so lonely. Even though i know i have those few friends that say they're there to talk to.. my s/o is here to talk to me.. however i still choose to shut myself in . I still feel so lonely even with all these people to talk to.. i feel like i cant talk to them because i feel like a burden.. I'm a piece of shit. A lazy mother fucker that knows i should keep studying and working so i can have a good future... But the thing is... I have this voice at the back of my head saying that I'm going to die early anyway, what's the point... I've had a very tough upbringing and fell very depressed, lonely and suicidal during my highschool days. Dropped out of senior year.. only have my mum.. she deserves the world. My father was an abusive prick who had a gambling and drug addiction. Was always in and out of prison. Never there. I love my partner so very dearly because he cared enough to listen to my troubles and aid me in my needs. I try not to ask too much from him because i feel ashamed and that I can't give him back what he gives me in return. I keep crying everytime i have the time to zone out and think of scenarios of how he would break up with me and it really really hurts even though it's just a thought that isn't going to happen. Why do i keep crying? I dont want to talk to him about it because he keeps thinking it's his fault that im crying and asks if he should leave and that's the last thing I'd want him to do... I don't know what to say.. Maybe i just need a good crying session. I dunno anymore. I feel so useless.",-0.9973,negative,lonely 1235,depressed,Fuck. I don't know why i'm crying...,listener_1,2,"Let the tears flow dude. Don't mix emotions and decisions. Turn that sad music on, put on the headphones and cry. That's what I do, it feels much better and my mind is somewhat at least clearer after that. ",-0.6369,negative,lonely 1235,depressed,Fuck. I don't know why i'm crying...,listener_2,3,I am going to do this right now. I’ve been fighting tears all day. ,-0.5267,negative,sentimental 1236,depressed,"At first, I've thought it's just a sad day. It will be bette, as usual.",speaker,1,Now I feel it's ok. It's just like everyday. Is that truly ok? I question myself: do I really suffer with depression or I just make it up?,-0.5743,negative,content 1236,depressed,"At first, I've thought it's just a sad day. It will be bette, as usual.",listener_1,2,Huge hugs! And hoping things get better. We care about you! ,0.9323,positive,caring 1236,depressed,"At first, I've thought it's just a sad day. It will be bette, as usual.",speaker,3,"Thanks for kind words. It's been almost a month that I wanna every night and when I'm alone. I can be totally normal when someone is around: talk, laugh, joke around,...even cheer others up I just want to know when will this end?",0.9287,positive,lonely 1237,depressed,I've never been so emotionally obliterated before,speaker,1,"I'm starting to wonder, had I spent more day time hours with her would we still be together? I sort of remember that being something she said but I don't remember anything very well. And it was probably getting that job that really did it. She didn't have to be so cruel though. Logically I don't care because she's not the kind of girl I want to be with anyway but emotionally I can't stop thinking about it and her and this painful emptiness in the room and my life. God damn it, please come back to me. ",-0.9291,negative,lonely 1237,depressed,I've never been so emotionally obliterated before,listener_1,2,Awe hugs hon. I’m sorry she left you. I’m sure you are worthy of a great mate! ,0.9098,positive,sympathizing 1237,depressed,I've never been so emotionally obliterated before,speaker,3,"Thank you, I hope so. It would be pretty disappointing if I wasn't even worthy. ",0.4577,positive,encouraging 1237,depressed,I've never been so emotionally obliterated before,speaker,4,"Thanks, yeah I know we were incompatible but it ended too quickly for me. I will find the perfect girl some day, but I'm 30 so I really need that to happen soon. ",0.8225,positive,agreeing 1238,depressed,"Another day, another dollar.",speaker,1,"Sitting here at work, currently 10 PM. Bored out of my mind and thoughts running around saying how I could just be home in bed now. Too bad, I got shit to buy and rent to pay. All I do is sleep as soon as I get home and then sleep until 1 pm and then its work again at 4! Life is just an endless cycle of shit labor wage and buying shit to distract you from being so depressed. I quit drinking and have been taking vitami b for about a month. Feel a little better but theres always just a huge nagging feeling of calling in sick so I can just lay in bed sleeping and staring at my phone. What fun. ",-0.8875,negative,content 1238,depressed,"Another day, another dollar.",listener_1,2,"I hear you! I'm currently on leave of absence for depression. Mostly slept so far. I too struggle with going to work. I am not a lazy person, just have no motivation to do anything.",-0.752,negative,agreeing 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,1,"I just failed another suicide attempt last night, leaving my arms mutilated and pills laid out. I feel incompetent and anxious to the point where I can’t even finish simple tasks. It’s taken me a month to write my name on a resume. I don’t even have enough money to wash my own clothes... yet I don’t even see a point in trying. I have a “job” but my boss doesn’t follow the contract or pay me. I feel so burnt out, lost, and used but I just turned 18 and have no idea on what to do anymore. I also have a long history of being abused so I have little to no self worth, all I’m searching for is a real reason—a sign to live on another year Thanks for reading this is you’ve read it this far. I don’t have anyone or anything that makes me care enough to live",-0.9166,negative,ashamed 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,listener_1,2,Do you need medical treatment for your arms? Take care of your wounds atleast if you don't want to see a doctor. ,0.4548,positive,questioning 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,3,"I don’t think I need treatment for it since I’ve done it this way all the time I made an appointment anyway though for friday, not sure if anything will get better though ",0.2354,positive,apprehensive 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,4,"thank you. :,) ",0.3612,positive,wishing 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,5,"Thank you for your advice, I actually started doing another job! It’s small for now, but definitely a start. Seeing these replies made me realize my worth ",0.7871,positive,grateful 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,6,"Thank you for your help, I will if things get hard again",0.5859,positive,wishing 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,listener_2,7,"Hey. 3 days. Glad to see you carrying on. It’s hard when you are hurting. Just know that there are people out there that care. And will help you be strong, when you can’t. ",0.8442,positive,grateful 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,speaker,8,"It means a lot to have you kind people replying. I think for me, being alone or feeling lonely definitely makes things worse but the support has helped me to get back on track and see things on the other side",0.5499,positive,grateful 1239,depressed,Suicide attempt,listener_2,9,We are here for you. Hopefully you also see that you need to find a job that will pay you. And/Or get student loans and go to school somewhere. ,0.3182,positive,consoling 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,1,"I don't have any friends because I can't relate to anyone. I need to meet people before I get old and shit but I don't even know where to begin. Plus I'm super weird and look creepy when I'm nervous. Lately I've been having decent luck when I talk to people, I think I mean you never really know what the other person actually thinks of you. But how am I going to just meet people that I have common interests with? I looked into meetup but none of the groups sounded right to me, sort of I don't know I should be proactive with that website probably. But I'm going to get started on getting a career with a trade school degree. I hope that works, if it doesn't I'm really fucked. But it's 8am and I've been awake for hours wasting time on reddit so I feel like a fat kid who ate too much chocolate. So I'm going to go feel like I'm dying now. ",0.9722,positive,apprehensive 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,2,Hugs. Try meetup groups not focused on dating but on adventuring around the area. Meet some buds you can identify with. Try no to be hard on yourself. I’m sure you aren’t any weirder than most of us!,0.6187,positive,trusting 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,3,Yeah I signed up to follow groups for hobbies I'm interested in but I never check the website. I have pretty severe anxiety so I might not ever make it out to one even if I did plan on it. I think my weirdness is definitely above average but your positive encouragement is helpful. It has me thinking maybe I'm not too weird to make friends...,0.971,positive,suggesting 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,4,Those potential friends are probably “weird” too. I understand the anxiety thing and I sometimes just force myself to go to things.,0.34,positive,agreeing 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,5,"That's a really good point, they would be. Yeah, whatever it is is usually enjoyable if you force yourself to do it. But not doing things is so easy that some times it's kind of hard to get out of the house. ",0.828,positive,acknowledging 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,6,"I get that. I only force myself when I’m pretty certain I will enjoy it once I get there. I get cold feet at last moment and have to just tell myself: GO! Then promise myself I can leave soon if the panic goes up. (Pretend to get a call or something.) But chances are, it’s not as bad as you thought and works out ok ",0.9004,positive,confident 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,7,"Yeah definitely. It's so weird because the anxiety makes me imagine that whatever it is it's going to be this outlandish event where everybody is really mean and judgmental. Which it almost never is, but I've gone to parties, concerts and stuff like that where people were disrespectful because I was awkward. I didn't really care because that's super weird middle school kind of thought processes. But still, I'd rather not be around people like that.",0.883,positive,agreeing 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,8,"I totally get it. Try to grow an armor that does shut people out but protects you, and try to brush off rude people. I have ADD and it often comes with hypersensitivity to rejection and I feel dissed at things that would even register with others.",-0.7783,negative,agreeing 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,9,I'm sorry to hear that. I used to smoke a lot of weed so I know what you mean when it sounds like certain words stand out and then string together all weirdly. ,0.2732,positive,sympathizing 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,10,It’s not the worst thing I just try to tell myself not to overreact and let it blow over. Usually that works. Or I feel hurt and just let it pass. ,0.1615,positive,sad 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,11,Ah right well good thing it's not too bad. You seem like a cool chick who's nice enough to reach out to people with problems so I doubt anyone has a reason to insult you. ,0.6977,positive,acknowledging 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,listener_1,12,Thanks that’s sweet. I hope you can connect up with some cool people and do some fun things. ,0.9246,positive,encouraging 1240,depressed,I feel so dumb and alienated these days,speaker,13,"For sure, me too. Thanks for talking with me, feel free to message me whenever. ",0.8176,positive,agreeing 1241,depressed,Something i find ironic,speaker,1,"Everyday i try to make people happy, even though i know at the end of it all im not going to be happy. i want to make people laugh, smile anything just to see a smile on their face. because i know that even though it might not help me, it could help others. im the guy who hides his depression behind the smiles of other people.",0.9376,positive,caring 1241,depressed,Something i find ironic,listener_1,2,Your not alone with that feeling friend.,0.6641,positive,agreeing 1241,depressed,Something i find ironic,listener_2,3,"Same, not alone",0.1877,positive,lonely 1242,depressed,no one cares unless you're dead,speaker,1,"isn't it just so funny how no-one cares unless a person is dead, somehow someones death makes them mean so much to someone when before they never cared. Recently a few people that i know of have died and now all i seem to see is posts about how they will be missed and how much they were loved, but yet no-one gave a shit about them before they were dead.",-0.9403,negative,sentimental 1242,depressed,no one cares unless you're dead,listener_1,2,It’s funny how that happens. I have thought the same thing myself at times. When I have been depressed or just let my mind wander I have thought who would care when I pass. Outside of family and friends would old friends and acquaintances give a damn suddenly? Idk I’m trying to live in the moment more and not ponder about death.,0.8420000000000001,positive,surprised 1242,depressed,no one cares unless you're dead,listener_2,3,"Wish you were here, I would take one or two of your smiles and hugs! You seem like such a kind soul to think about the elderly and that they may not have any one at home. 💕",0.9612,positive,grateful 1243,depressed,Help..,speaker,1,"I come from an abusive background, father would hurt my family.. we no longer live with him, and I chose to call him to talk to him after a good year of not talking, long story short... we end the call on bad terms, telling me that everything that happened was just storied and that I made it all up in my head. Well, my older brother was graduating came and he came.. and told my brothers it was my fault everything was shitty.. and I just dunno what to do.. I keep thinking that it is my fault.. and I’ve just been so depressed lately... ",-0.9703,negative,ashamed 1243,depressed,Help..,listener_1,2,I am sorry this happened to you. Please don’t feel bad about the emotional trauma your Dad is inflicting on you. It feels like he is just using you as an escape to hide his own flaws. Also it is great that you guys don’t live together. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to abusers. Do not shy from asking help if you need any. And do not pay attention to anything your Dad says. He does not deserve you. Take care!,0.8667,positive,sympathizing 1243,depressed,Help..,speaker,3,Thanks love. ,0.7964,positive,wishing 1243,depressed,Help..,speaker,4,Thanks love. ,0.7964,positive,wishing 1243,depressed,Help..,speaker,5,"I thought about getting one, but my mom said it would be pointless since i don’t ever see/talk with him.. and he won’t show up to court",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1244,depressed,Trying something new,speaker,1,"So here I am - just made myself a ‘hidden’ reddit account where I can vent my frustrations. Feel quite selfish for saying I’m ‘depressed’ and throwing such a word around when it’s a lot more REALER than what I’m feeling perhaps. People have way realer and more upsetting issues than I have. In fact my life would seem perfect. But I get these bouts of sadness where I feel like I don’t want to be here. It’s normal to feel poop every so often but I feel I’m either on a high or a low. I’m usually coasting a long and happy. But things just make me feel rubbish and rather than writing it down I thought I’d start posting to reddit. Is that ok? Sorry to seem like I’m being a bit of a drama queen but it’s the only thing that’ll make me stop crying or feeling sorry for myself. Also - if there any any better subs (is that what they’re called?) that I should post in, please let me know... I’m still new to reddit generally and don’t know how to use it! I have sometimes in the past tried to make myself sick or hurt myself when I feel like this, but I’d rather just not feel at all. It’s one of my biggest weaknesses - I feel too much and i hate it, especially when I’m sad. It’s such a cliche but nobody really understands me, as much as I wish they did. I also kind of wish nobody ever is able to understand me because they’d realise how messed up I am and it’s also not fair to burden anybody with this. Ok I’m going to stop- take my makeup off, get into my night clothes and watch some tv to hopefully distract myself which is what I need. Thanks for letting me just talk absolute garbage on this Reddit page, it’s much appreciated. ",-0.4878,negative,ashamed 1244,depressed,Trying something new,listener_1,2,"It’s ok, rant on! We certainly all get it. Sometimes you just don’t feel strong or upbeat but soldier on. Give yourself a break and some rest. ",0.3489,positive,agreeing 1244,depressed,Trying something new,speaker,3,Thank you! This is v kind! I was planning to go to the gym this morning and it’s 11am so I still have an hour but I literally have no energy and cannot pick myself up to do anything! ,0.3828,positive,ashamed 1244,depressed,Trying something new,listener_1,4,Sometimes just going anyway will give you energy. Or do a brisk walk and rest up more. ,0.4019,positive,suggesting 1244,depressed,Trying something new,speaker,5,"I was planning to go after work and you’re right, it does make the world of difference but I felt completely exhausted, both mentally and physically and for no reason at all! ",-0.7771,negative,devastated 1244,depressed,Trying something new,speaker,6,I tried my other ‘real’ account which was too close to my real name (risky) but realised I need this truly personal account 🙈,0.6325,positive,apprehensive 1244,depressed,Trying something new,listener_1,7,I still push out of your comfort zone. It’s like you’ll be tire either way but this might refresh you a bit. Get you out of the funk. Give your brain stuff to focus on that isn’t getting you down. If it’s not all that fun you can bail. I almost never regret going.,0.1349,positive,confident 1244,depressed,Trying something new,speaker,8,I’m definitely going tomorrow after work! Thanks for this 😁 (although I’ll have to wash my hair after again 😩),0.7777,positive,agreeing 1245,depressed,I'm so sad today and I can't tell the people I love.,speaker,1,"As the title says I'm just sad, I can't tell the people I love how exhausted I am and how hard everyday is. I have no plans or desire to harm myself, but I do look forward at times to that sweet release. I just needed to get that out. I'm in counseling and about to start meds.",0.0312,neutral,sad 1245,depressed,I'm so sad today and I can't tell the people I love.,listener_1,2,sending warm vibes!,0.2942,positive,wishing 1245,depressed,I'm so sad today and I can't tell the people I love.,speaker,3,I hope it helps. Hugs back.,0.8271,positive,encouraging 1246,depressed,Scared of change,speaker,1,"I recently broke up with my long distance boyfriend.. He still talks to my mom (very strange), and is planning on still coming down in August. She offered him to stay at her place.. Im fine with being on my own, is this was my decision. Im planning on moving in August from Illinois to Oregon. Im going with my sister, her boyfriend and their child. The only stipulation of me moving with them is that I am required to have a job before the move. I currently work at Dominos, and I dont like my job but, it's a job, ya know? Im afraid im going to fail. Im afraid of not having anyone to get away with. It's not that I even have that here, because everyone that I thought was my friend just fades away or ceases to exist. My apparent 'best friend' told me through a group work tet that she moved in the night and that she wasnt returning and best of luck. Im afraid of getting close with people, because im so damn clingy. I have a friend in particular right now who im doing this with- and I feel like im going to ruin it with my mental illness. Im so tired of not being okay- specially after feeling okay for a few weeks. Today is just a really bad day, I suppose. ",-0.8324,negative,content 1246,depressed,Scared of change,listener_1,2,What is the kitchen like to work in? I would not enjoy counter-work there.,-0.033,neutral,questioning 1246,depressed,Scared of change,speaker,3,"Where I am now, it's pretty cancer for the most part. But its doable. ",-0.1531,negative,neutral 1246,depressed,Scared of change,speaker,4,Thanks for giving me hope ,0.802,positive,grateful 1246,depressed,Scared of change,listener_2,5,Anytime,0.0,neutral,angry 1246,depressed,Scared of change,listener_2,6,"There are pubs, cafes, grills, microbreweries and every kind of eatery. Lots of opportunities. You’ll do fine. It’s different then back east for sure. ",0.6908,positive,hopeful 1247,depressed,Alone.,speaker,1,I have nobody..,0.0,neutral,lonely 1247,depressed,Alone.,listener_1,2,You can always pm me if you feel like it.,0.3612,positive,suggesting 1247,depressed,Alone.,speaker,3,Pm me,0.0,neutral,questioning 1248,depressed,When depression sinks in,speaker,1,I was fine for the last few days and today my depression has kicked in. Like full overdrive. I dont want to work i just want to be at home in bed alone in a dark room with these deamons that are screaming in my head. I feel so lonely with noone to talk to and it feels at times as if my kids dont care either. But thats what depression does right? Makes you feel super alone.. I just wanted to get that off my chest. Hopefully i can have a better day...,0.2033,positive,lonely 1248,depressed,When depression sinks in,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry to hear about that, it’s a lot to deal with :// just do the best that you can and remember to take care of yourself! ",0.8122,positive,sympathizing 1248,depressed,When depression sinks in,speaker,3,Thank you and i pray for your health as well. This is so hard to deal with alone. All my kids are teens and have their own things going on. I drown myself in work to distract the feelings and thoughts running in my head. I put on a strong character to hide the weekness. I know they care buy as you said its the depression that acts like the devil.. Living in a state with no family and friends also plays a big part. I mo ed my kids out a big city to give them a good safer life. I gave up my life so they can have a good one. I dont regret the decision but i hate the lonliness...,-0.2423,negative,grateful 1248,depressed,When depression sinks in,listener_2,4,"Are there any hobbies you can get into that dont require a companion? Like photography, reading, or any projects you can work on that dont have to do with work? I personally got a puppy and caring for her and going on hikes with her helped distract from myself",0.594,positive,questioning 1249,depressed,I just need to vent,speaker,1,"So I used to hate myself a lot, right? I had no self-confidence. I started to re-gain it throughout the past year, but recently it’s come crashing down and I don’t know why. I used to look at myself in the mirror and was proud of myself (since I’ve been working out a lot) but just today I looked at myself and almost started to cry. I’ve been crying a lot over really stupid things also. It might just be a combination of my sickness that I’ve had for like a month and PMS, but I’ve never felt this progressively awful since 2016. Idk what to do since I have already been taking care of myself. ",-0.8688,negative,ashamed 1249,depressed,I just need to vent,listener_1,2,"Sometimes you just need to cry, atleast i have to.",-0.4767,negative,neutral 1249,depressed,I just need to vent,speaker,3,"That’s a good point, I feel like I should do that more since I’ve been holding it in. Thank you!",0.8016,positive,acknowledging 1250,depressed,I was dumped by my best-friend yesterday,speaker,1,"I'm very sad, don't know what do to... I feel like everything is gray - i'm losing it. ",-0.5413,negative,sad 1250,depressed,I was dumped by my best-friend yesterday,listener_1,2,Oh no I’m so sorry to hear that,-0.4201,negative,sympathizing 1250,depressed,I was dumped by my best-friend yesterday,listener_2,3,Um....,0.0,neutral,questioning 1250,depressed,I was dumped by my best-friend yesterday,listener_3,4,I think you need to be more mindful of the sub you are on. Your language and tone isn't appropriate.,0.0,neutral,ashamed 1250,depressed,I was dumped by my best-friend yesterday,listener_1,5,Sorry that happened. He sounds like an ass that you are better off without but I know that doesn’t make the loss easier! ,0.3274,positive,sympathizing 1251,depressed,Going to a psychiatrist . What should i say ???,speaker,1," Hello, my name is Elliot, I’m 18 years old, and I think I’ve been depressed for almost 2 years now. Long story short my dad is abusive and he cheated on my mom . I’ve been protecting her from him since I was about 14 . About nine months ago I moved in with my grandparents because my parents had a huge fight and I got beat up again . I’ve gotten really depressed since I moved in with my grandparents, and today my Grandmother told me that she’s taking me to see a psychiatrist and i agreed . The thing is that i don’t know what to say and i dont know if i can trust a random person with my thoughts. I could really use some help .",-0.8089,negative,lonely 1251,depressed,Going to a psychiatrist . What should i say ???,listener_1,2,"Just show up for the 1st appointment and you and Pdoc can get to know each other. Many of us see the benefit in expressing ourselves, and in this case, a Pdoc is bound by professional ethics to respect your privacy; may also be a law as well. ",0.802,positive,trusting 1251,depressed,Going to a psychiatrist . What should i say ???,listener_2,3,"always go to a psychiatrist over a general doctor. They are the professionals in their field. And getting prescribed antidepressants alone doesn't actually address what is causing the depression, which is where a psychiatrist or therapist comes in. Antidepressants are not happy pills. You don't get prescribed them and suddenly get better like antibiotics. ",-0.5103,negative,agreeing 1252,depressed,Religion,speaker,1,I have been struggling with what I assume to be depression for the past couple of months. Everyday I feel a huge pain in my chest all day and my mind won't let me be happy. It started when I doubted if there was a god. I was raised a catholic and now that I am pretty certain there isn't a god I don't see a point to life. Everyday I sit in my room trying to take my mind off of my depression but I always have the thought of death in my mind. It's difficult for me to function and thinking of eternal death depresses the hell out of me and gives me panic attacks. I'm not quite sure what to do.,-0.9913,negative,sad 1252,depressed,Religion,listener_1,2,Atleast give yourself the possibility of finding purpose; you don't have to figure anything out. Our instincts are usually meaning enough -until we develop another worldview which replaces a religious system.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1252,depressed,Religion,listener_2,3,"Which replaces those parasites who turned religion into their exclusive club , not religion. They are the authority between you and God but you don't need anyone. They tell you how to read the word of God, but it has been said that little children will inherit the Kingdom. All true religions are precious pearls on the string of divinity.",0.9607,positive,furious 1252,depressed,Religion,listener_3,4,"2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me",0.9493,positive,faithful 1253,depressed,Am I depressed,speaker,1," 38 year old male here with an amazing home life. I have a supportive and caring SO and three great kids. However, I find myself laying in bed more than what I typically did before. I do have bad anxiety at times for sure. I like my job as well and am lucky enough to have three days off a week. I used to work out religiously but haven’t done so in a few years. I am extremely hard on myself body image wise. Is there a such thing as mild depression brought on by lack of self discipline and motivation? How can I combat this so I don’t let down my loved ones? I have cut back on drinking and marijuana use a lot as it all makes me anxious and feel a bit crazy. Thanks for any advice and sorry about using my phone for this post!!! Have a great day!!! ",0.9144,positive,content 1253,depressed,Am I depressed,listener_1,2,"Possibly, only a doctor would really be able to go through the checklist and figure out an appropriate diagnosis. Look into dysthymia and see if you think it describes you. Even if you don't think it matches up, maybe make an appointment with your general practitioner and talk to them about how you're feeling- a lot of times they can treat milder cases in house instead of sending you to a psychiatrist or psychologist.",0.4939,positive,suggesting 1253,depressed,Am I depressed,speaker,3,Thank you! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 1253,depressed,Am I depressed,speaker,4,Thank you for the insight! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 1254,depressed,PLEASE help reddit fam. I AM AN IDIOT!,speaker,1,"So.. I’m a 19 year old and I graduated high school last year in 2017. I took a year after high school to soul search and kind of figure out what I wanted to do, and during that year I got a construction job with my girlfriends dad I was paid $14/hr. After grinding all day in the sun for about 8months making a decent wage but not worth it, I figured I’ll keep saving up and apply for grants for college. I signed up and got a schedule for this fall I start in August I got my college mostly paid for and saved up a nice little nest egg for hard times, quit my construction job to be a server at Applebee’s (I just got this job) because I figured that would the best college part time gig to pay for my bills because it’s so flexible allowing me to focus on school. So I got my college mostly paid for at this point, left my construction job since they don’t offer part time and I’ll be a full time college student, picked up a server gig and now I just await for college! My “friend” hit me up and asked me “hey man wanna make $900?” I said “what do I have to do?” He told me about a bunch of other people he did this with I called them and they confirmed, they said it’s sketchy but confirmed. One guy got all his money messed up but I figured one guy of 4? That’s not a big deal. I thought about it, saw my Applebee’s money wasn’t great, knew for the next 4 years minimum I’ll be in college making nothin living on ramen noodles (my parents don’t help me I do everything on my own since I was about 15 my aunt just let me sleep at her house I quite literally have no parents or assistance) so I bit on it I said sure man I’ll do this what do I have to do. He said “basically give me your account # and blah blah info and I’ll drop money into your account, all you have to do is withdraw this money and I’ll give you a cut, but you don’t get money until the third drop.” I figured since I am in control of the money in a sense, I’ll go ahead and do it! I withdrew two drops (I didn’t ask where the money was coming from I didn’t want to know dude I’m 19 about to make $900 to do nothing) then I went in to get the third one this is about a week in, and the teller says “your account Is negative X -amount of money we can’t process this withdraw” and they explained that I withdrew money that came from counterfeit checks and those checks were only available to me because of how Wells Fargo operates as they were found to be fraudulent checks AFTER I had already withdrew them and paid the guy I am doing this with. So now I called the help number that’s all I can do the local bank branch gave me the number and all the money I withdrew for him, were fraudulent checks so my money of my own which I saved up (about $3,500) will be used to spot the money I withdrew since it was fraudulent funds and regardless that money is now active and it came from my account so I’m responsible. The claims I made are being processed but I’ll be lucky to have $1 and not be in the red after this is all said and done. I got played like a fiddle, I don’t want to involve police I’m a bone head I’m sure what I did was not legal and they won’t get my money back they’ll just discipline me and investigate into who I gave the money to. The guy I was doing this with hooked up other people for doing this, a couple of my friends made $2,000 simply from allowing him to drop funds into their accounts and all you do is withdraw the money and he gives you a cut. I am so depressed and feel so stupid I have nothing now after working so hard. I never cry or feel bad for myself I’ve always been tough but this one just hurts. I literally have a feeling of misery that words can’t describe. Please help",0.8462,positive,content 1254,depressed,PLEASE help reddit fam. I AM AN IDIOT!,listener_1,2,"I started from square one about 10 years ago; I was running food and bussing tables and eventually I got good enough at it that I had to dump out all my tips in the bathroom sink just to have a place to count it from (the owners were stingy and may have complained or demanded a cut). I reached into my survival instincts and worked until my brain gave out because of schizophrenia. Look at your hands and say: ""these will produce cash"".",-0.765,negative,trusting 1254,depressed,PLEASE help reddit fam. I AM AN IDIOT!,listener_2,3,Very true.,0.4754,positive,agreeing 1254,depressed,PLEASE help reddit fam. I AM AN IDIOT!,speaker,4,Thank you so much I’m devastated right now and that helped me so much. Who knows what’s going to come of this but your encouragement definitely helped thank you.,0.8631,positive,grateful 1254,depressed,PLEASE help reddit fam. I AM AN IDIOT!,listener_3,5,"He shouldn’t blindly go to the police, he should go to a lawyer. ",0.0,neutral,suggesting 1255,depressed,I truly belive things can not get better,speaker,1,"The best time of my life is behind me. I'm 27y Norwegian girl, have a bachelor in biology, will study for a master this autumn. I don't care about anything or anyone anymore. I used to be extremely compassionate and caring. Or maybe I was faking it? I don't know. I thought I cared. It feels like everything is going downhill. Life will only get lonlier and harder. I pretend to be hopefull and happy but I just want to end it all. I don't enjoy anything anymore and struggle with being the kind of person people would want to spend time with, which I know would help with at least the loneliness. But what's the point, I'll end up lonely again anyway.",-0.1846,negative,sad 1255,depressed,I truly belive things can not get better,listener_1,2,"Where to even begin... I’m 31 myself and know how you feel when you’re staring down the barrels of your 30’s. You can be under no illusion anymore, you’re an adult now and it’s hard bare that thought. It’s okay though, really and is all perfectly natural to feel anxious about that. From what I gather though, you have a lot going for you, especially for your age. Studying for your masters in biology? Damn, that’s impressive. Really! That’s no short feat. You should find pride in that, even if you struggle to find it anywhere else. From what I gather though, you sound like you’ve been studying non-stop for decades now. That can be a drain, have you thought about maybe taking a gap year? Go travelling, or even just get a part time job and take life as it comes? ",0.7617,positive,apprehensive 1255,depressed,I truly belive things can not get better,speaker,3,I had a few gap years here and there. After highschool and after my bachelor. I don't enjoy anything anymore. Or I've given up trying to enjoy things. Love and affection used to fuel my drive. The person I wanted to spend my life with I'm not sure I should trust. I don't trust my self either. I just want to give up. Nothing helps. I'm scared most of the time and feel anxious the rest. It's worse when I don't have anything to do. I have an unhealthy habit developed when I was super young and never learned to love myself or live without being in a relationship. ,0.3318,positive,afraid 1255,depressed,I truly belive things can not get better,speaker,4,"Wow, thank you! This really helped <3 I'll come back to read this whenever I feel down. I am unfortunately horrible at taking care of myself when I'm feeling down. Some form of self punishment I think. Thank you for your wisdom and kindness, you made a big difference today!",0.8856,positive,grateful 1256,depressed,Cant be happy,speaker,1,"So i dont have depression but when im in a happy moment like spending time with friends, eating my favorite food and stuff like that i can only focus on the fact that its gonna end soon. Soon my friends will have to go home and i will have ate all my food. Then im gonna be lonely and hungry again. I try to be happy and enjoy it while i can but i cant. Any tips?",0.9872,positive,sad 1256,depressed,Cant be happy,listener_1,2,"Try looking forward to your next happy moments, just because the moment ends, that doesn't mean there won't be other, better, moments ",0.3169,positive,anticipating 1256,depressed,Cant be happy,speaker,3,Thanks for the advice. I will try to do that.,0.4404,positive,wishing 1256,depressed,Cant be happy,speaker,4,alright i will look into fatalistic thinking.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1257,depressed,Honestly don’t know what’s happening with my life,speaker,1,"It’s always the same, over and over again. When my medicine is working things are great, I’m able to wake up early, I want to be outside more, I’m with my friends, I started to read again. Then it stops. Out of nowhere, and I can’t sleep or I’m sleeping all the time or eat or I’ll eat too much, I don’t want to be around my friends, I’m mean to my mom which I hate. It’s been like this for about a month and a half now, which doesn’t sound that bad. Im on an emotional rollercoaster that is just so fucking exhausting, I’m so tired of feeling like this. I just want to be ok. I feel so useless because I honestly can’t or don’t want to do anything. I’m stuck at home in my bed for days. I’ve had to take leave from work because I can’t be there for more than 15 minutes without crying, or find any reason to hide in the linen closet, or the bathroom. Just to get away from everyone, because I look mad, or I’m too quiet or awkward, and everyone has something to say about it. Since I haven’t been to work in a minute I’m broke which makes me even more depressed, because of course I have bills to pay. I started a job at a restaurant the other day so I can bring in at least a little bit, but being there is definitely difficult. I’m trying to move to the city where I’d really like to be but I’m going to have to wait longer than I wanted. I have a therapist there now that I get to see the first week of August, which I’m very much looking forward to. But I’m just so ready to move there. My home town is a big part of the problem. Everyone keeps telling me to be positive but they honestly don’t know how it feels, and how hard it is. I’m just tired. ",0.7486,positive,sad 1257,depressed,Honestly don’t know what’s happening with my life,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you are feeling like this. Part of your description sounds a lot like me. I am on leave too for the same reason as you. I managed to get outside today and I feel a little bit better. Try to force yourself to get outside. I have a garden and I feed the birds and chipmunk and a few squirrels. I know they can fend for themselves but I get to watch them if the feeders are full and the birdbath is has clean water. Sometimes I even smile watching them. My leave is officially over tomorrow sadly. I too am struggling financially, but I am going to try to get an extension on my leave. Feeling your pain.",-0.3796,negative,caring 1257,depressed,Honestly don’t know what’s happening with my life,speaker,3,I’m also sorry to you. This feeling is not even close to easy. I started a garden this year too but kind of fell out of it when I left town for the month. My mom took care of it but that’s not the same. I just wish I was able to take care of myself. Good luck to you in this ,0.9723,positive,sympathizing 1257,depressed,Honestly don’t know what’s happening with my life,speaker,4,"I’ve been off and on my medication since I started using it. Sometimes I’ll get to a point where I think I don’t need it anymore so I’ll quit, without talking to my doctor first, and of course that never went well. I’ve also tried getting off it with talking to the doctor and it just makes things worse. At least when I’m taking it I don’t feel anything. When I’m not on anything I honesty feel like I want to die. It’s the lowest and saddest I’ve ever been. I do think this medicine is the wrong kind, but I know I need to stay on something, probably forever. ",-0.6196,negative,ashamed 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,1,"Felt really depressed last night, don’t have much confidence in myself, tired of doing the same thing over and over and making no progress in life. Friend lives with me, she brought a guy over, they’re just friends she said, but I don’t know. She and all her friends seem to be attractive and fit, and I’m just a lump of nothing. They went in to her room to smoke, but then she came back out to ask if I wanted to as well. I panicked and said no. They went back in her room, and I had a panic attack and fled my own house on foot. Just feel like I don’t care today and don’t feel like trying anymore.",0.8857,positive,jealous 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_1,2,People. You can't live with 'em and you can't live without 'em. It's inconvenient and can be mighty trying. I don't blame you for fleeing. I would've probably too.,0.4717,positive,agreeing 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,3,"It’s just super frustrating because she rents the spare bedroom, I actually own the house. I talked to them both today, and he’s pretty chill actually. He’s visiting from Florida or something (he grew up in Kansas) and it’s his birthday weekend, they might be doing something, but I’ll just have to deal. It’s just weird that I fled my own house on foot.",0.1406,positive,jealous 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_1,4,I tend to panic and get tongue-tied and awkward around people and always have. A lot of my past drug use was motivated by the desire to be more social. Sometimes it helped but the consequences were not worth the addictions. Don't do heroin.,0.4297,positive,embarrassed 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,5,Noted: Don’t do heroin.,-0.4939,negative,faithful 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,6,It’ll look screwed up because I’m not paying attention. But I feel guilty and bad about feeling guilty and bad. I feel bad about things that haven’t happened or aren’t even my fault. I find it difficult to let go of the past especially when my thoughts won’t shut up about it.,-0.9846,negative,guilty 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,7,"So you would like to be more fit but don't want to exercise? Perhaps you could compromise and just exercise a little, regularly? Not to reap immediate benefits but just to make it a routine. After a while, you could do more, eventually reaching a workout that makes noticeable changes to your body.",0.8326,positive,suggesting 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,8,"I thought so. I get caught up about how a lot of things haven't gone my way too. It was worse until a counselor told me that feeling bad about that was completely rational, of course I was feeling bad in my situation! When I accepted that those feelings were valid, I didn't feel so much guilt about it. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy was also helpful, it showed how I could challenge some of the negative thoughts I get.",-0.8826,negative,grateful 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,9,That's too bad. Might still be worthwhile though. Is online therapy an option?,-0.2732,negative,suggesting 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,10,"It’s not that I don’t want to exercise, I actually enjoy it when I do. It’s almost like I can’t force myself to do it. Kind of like leaving the house to go to a party or hang out. It feels like I’m locked in a cage and can’t get out, I know it isn’t true, all I have to do is open the door, but it’s like I’m immobilized by fear and uncertainty. With everything that’s happened in the past, I don’t want anything to happen, so I do nothing.",0.1172,positive,apprehensive 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,11,Did something happen in the past regarding exercising or is that about socializing?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,12,"Both I suppose. I was ridiculed for being overweight since I was 8 or 9 mostly by my father who is also overweight. If my sister and I were eating candy he’d tell her it must be nice to have some candy, and then he’s tell me I might as well be eating lard off a pig. Pretty much all the other kids were skinny and would make fun of me. I withdrew and stayed that way ever since. No matter if I worked out or tried to socialize I was always left out, made fun of, and told I wasn’t doing enough, even though I was trying my hardest. So I don’t know, I think I’ve always been messed up, it’s just harder to contain as I get older.",0.6933,positive,ashamed 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,13,"That sucks. :( For some people, it's never going to be enough. You have to do what's right for you, though.",-0.6597,negative,neutral 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,14,"Every time I’ve looked at it, it’s been too expensive. Even though I’m working 40-50 hours a week I still live paycheck to paycheck. I’ve asked about assistance programs they offer, but I make too much for that.",0.0,neutral,disappointed 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,15,Have you checked out Seven Cups of Tea? My counselor told me about it. It's message only but it might be within your price range.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,speaker,16,"Never even heard of it, but I’ll check it out now. Thanks for the tip.",0.5927,positive,neutral 1258,depressed,Nothing interesting about what I’m going to say.,listener_2,17,You're welcome! :),0.7424,positive,wishing 1259,depressed,Panic attack,speaker,1,Are panic attacks recuring or a one time thing? Im afraid i will have one again.,-0.7351,negative,afraid 1259,depressed,Panic attack,listener_1,2,"Try not to stress yourself over what I'm about to say, but generally they will occur again. It might be frequent, or infrequent. Google panic attack calming techniques. A lot of them are breathing related. Just try and remember that it's mental, not physical. These are for in the moment. There's some this you can do to try and prevent them also. These things can take months to work, and you need to be persistent with it every single day for it to help. Lookup mindfulness apps on your phone. Smiling Minds, Headspace are what we have in Australia. Not sure about where you live. Spend the 1-10 minutes everyday listening to the recordings and actively taking on board what it's teaching you, and it truly can help. It's more about helping you keep calm when your mind is stressing over something. I have bad anxiety, and I have come across many people with bad anxiety that have used this to help alleviate the panic or anxiety attacks. Goodluck! If you ever need some help or guidance, feel free to DM me. I'll respond as soon as I'm able to :)",0.7925,positive,prepared 1259,depressed,Panic attack,speaker,3,Thanks bro!,0.4926,positive,wishing 1260,depressed,I'm (34M) Completely Alone. Wife Cheated And Left Almost A Month Ago.,speaker,1,"So the story starts about a month ago. My wife started to have feelings for a friend of ours in a social group we have. Just started out with her sending adult pics to him. she had confessed for this and ask for apology and we tried to work on that. Sometime later she ended up having a drunken kiss with him which I found out about later. So I confronted her 3 weeks ago when I found out how far they had gone and ask her do you still love me? Do you want a divorce? And there she had a complete breakdown. She couldn't handle what she had done, couldn't handle that we needed to work on us. She packed up her stuff and left for his place. On her way out I gave her one thing to think about, ""if you sleep with him don't come home."" So she doesn't come home that night. She messages me in the morning and says I'm coming home to get my stuff. I tried to talk with her to work things out. She refuses to work on us at all. with her mental break it seems like she's going through a manic episode. She went from person to person asking for comfort and support for what she did. Not even her best to friends of 15 years supported actions that she did. Her parents were appalled at what she decided. She can't seem to recognize the lives in the friendships she's ruined. Two weeks ago she tried to have us do a counseling session. In the counseling session our first one, the counselor asked what we said on her intake paperwork. I said I wanted to work on reconciliation. and the first thing that came out of her mouth was I want a separate. Not I want to try to fix us, fix our problems with our help. But to get out of here. She was the woman who you may know that would skip from guy to guy when a relationship got too rough for them. When they didn't know how to express themselves to work on their marriage. And this is what she did. We were married only one and a half years before she bailed. Just like her previous relationships. I've been sitting at home for almost a month now trying to figure out what I could have done what could have been different, what should she have done. But nothing is helping. I can't help someone who refuses to help themselves. I love this woman with all of my heart, Body, Soul. And what she has done to me has been the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life. Trying to find something to hold me together, to make the days pass, without trying to just either want to make it end, or just find a way to make the pain stop. I'm constantly checking her Facebook to see if she has any new post. Obsessing over something of hers, all of our memories in the house we built. I don't know what to do. I'm lost. I have people to talk to, I have people who will listen to my story. I even have people who agree with everything I've done, saying you've done nothing wrong, she's not willing to work on you on your marriage. Ans so I sit at home, alone where the last 4 years of my life I spent with the woman who I thought I was going to die with. The woman who I thought was going to be the end-all-be-all in my life and in hers. Now she's run off with someone 20 years older than her so that she can get her jollies off and adventure in her life. I f****** hate her I f****** hate what she did to me. I f****** hate the lives she's ruined, not just mine, but of the friends that we shared. The only ones that even know our close friends that we shared together, and our families. No one outside of that mutual family knows anything. I want to scream out online that she cheated on me, that nobody should back her. that I wasn't the one that shoved her away, that I wasn't the one that made her not come home. I gave her every opportunity to try to help us bring us back together. Yes I had my faults. And I worked my damndest at fixing those before she left. But I wasn't enough for her she said. I couldn't keep up with her she said. I wasn't intellectually smart as she said. I didn't give her enough variety. I didn't give her what she needed. I just don't know what to do. I've not been alone like this in so long. Crying every night before I go to bed. Trying to just go to sleep and not have the voices in my head screaming at me. Trying not to think of what she's doing right now with another guy. It tortures me to no end.",-0.9721,negative,faithful 1260,depressed,I'm (34M) Completely Alone. Wife Cheated And Left Almost A Month Ago.,listener_1,2," You are free now. You’re a free man. Freedom. Freedom. Let her go, lesson learned. She’s shown you what she’s about. You want better. Now you get a fresh chance at the game, with all you’ve learned? Take it. And maybe take a less traditional route this go through. Who knows if you’ll ever get another. At least take your time. Enjoy the scenery. Get creative. Take care and much love. You’ll get through this, and with your soul intact. Don’t get bitter or mournful. Don’t despair. Thank god for this blessing in disguise. You’re better than any shit like this, I know you are. I can just hear it in your voice, you’re a sweet person. Find a passion, paint, or write songs. Skateboard. Just do something for the sake of doing it, and do it with others who do it for the same reason. Let love come to you there, in time. But before it ever arrives you will have gotten used to supplying it yourself. Love yourself 💕 ",0.9892,positive,suggesting 1260,depressed,I'm (34M) Completely Alone. Wife Cheated And Left Almost A Month Ago.,listener_2,3,deleting. This has nothing to do with the post. ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1261,depressed,I'm a joke,speaker,1,"I'm a joke of a person, I overthink so many things. From the smallest detail such as saying something at work, or doing a certain action. I cannot make friends with people, I cannot keep up with people. I try so so hard to talk to people but I constantly am overthinking about what to say that nothing comes out. It's so hard for me to make friends, I used to be such a fun person and make friends so easily. I am so quiet now, I hardly speak. I feel that every action I take in my life is incorrect. I feel like I do nothing right, I constantly am worried about what people think of me. It's constant overthinking about things I have done, or have said in my life. I can't trust myself, everything I do is put down by the people around me. I have felt this way for the past 4 years, before I started uni I thought this will be great. I will make friends ect, but it never happened because of the way I am. I always feel sad, I don't really have anyone to talk to either. I also am unsure about how I feel about my girlfriend who I have been with for the past 6 Years. I just don't know what is up with me I wish I was normal. When we are together we are okay, when we are apart I cannot help thinking how different I would be if we never got together. I wish I could kill myself, but I am too scared to see what will happen when I die. I also could not do that to my family. I know people have bigger problems then this, but I do not deal with these things well at all. It eats me up to the point where I will just be sat there overthinking everything not doing any work at all. I know my parent's always say to me, they're proud of me, but I feel like a disappointment because I am this way. I just wish I could talk to people. I try too hard to be something I am not, to be cool or to just be normal. I wish I had a friend of some sort that would get me ffs :(. I also work with someone who I did not realise was rather strange. I told him that I found this girl at work beautiful and now he will not stop mentioned it while we are sat at our desks. He's not doing it to be mean, hes just a bit strange (I don't think he understands volume). This girl did not speak to me again, I think she did like me and find me attractive however after the awkwardness of this guy shouting about her and doing things like coming into work and saying ""How is (girlsname)"" it's become rather strange. This is also on my mind, can imagine how someone who cares about what people thinks about himself would feel in this situation. Sorry for the long post a lot of bullshit here. ",0.9647,positive,embarrassed 1261,depressed,I'm a joke,listener_1,2,"You really should see a therapist, both for tools in helping to combat your social anxiety but also to be evaluated for depression and see if your should be referred to a psychiatrist. Working with a therapist on social anxiety issues can completely change your life. ",-0.7814,negative,apprehensive 1261,depressed,I'm a joke,speaker,3,"Yh it's shit mate, I hope you can get better too :(. Dunno how no wanking will help but good luck to you XD. ",0.8658,positive,consoling 1261,depressed,I'm a joke,speaker,4,"I think I am going to go see a psychiatrist. I hope it works,but I don't know how they can help me change the way I think or act. Thank you for your advice :). ",0.7964,positive,trusting 1261,depressed,I'm a joke,listener_1,5,"Psychiatrists are mainly there to prescribe meds. Appointments are usually 15 min and too short to accomplish anything. You need to see a therapist in addition to the psych. There are various forms of cognitive behavioral therapy, plus working on attacking what fears trigger your anxiety. I have severe depression and my brother has severe anxiety. Lots of things give him panic attacks like work presentations, work trips, traffic, meeting new people, meeting old friends he hasn't seen in a while, having to eat in front of people, and much more. He takes a medication which helps lessen the number of panic attacks, and then works with his therapist on how to change his behavior and thoughts to control his panic. It is a slow process, but also effective- you just can't expect results immediately as you are learning to change a lifetime of instinct. But it does work, as long as you are willing to put in the work. ",-0.7269,negative,afraid 1262,depressed,[Vent] Trust is a risk not worth taking.,speaker,1,"When i was a kid i was bullied, badly and today is suffer from anxiety and depression. I was recently forced to get help because of reckless behaviour and a row of other things, everything was being shit but alright at the same time and then social services called (im underaged) and wanted to have a chat with me and my parents about what they can do to help my situation. For the record i hated people knowing how i feel all my life i had been a master at disguising my feelings and emotions, i made it into a fucking art. So during the conversation with the woman from social services she told me that everything i say is never gonna leave this room, so i thought alright ill tell her how much i hate my parents knowing about how i feel and the fact that i have to be here, i trusted her, for the first time in a long time i trusted someone with my feelings. Today i got a letter home saying that the investigation is done and all this but in the papers it says everything i told her, about how i feel and how i think, and it clearly says ”R***** hates that his parents knows how he feels” so lets put his feelings on a piece of paper and send it to his parents. How fucking dumb can you be? I honestly feel like killing myself , they claim they want to help you but infact they want to ruin your life. Trust is a risk And sorry for the shitty grammar idgaf anymore",-0.9679,negative,afraid 1262,depressed,[Vent] Trust is a risk not worth taking.,listener_1,2,How detailed was the letter sent home?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1262,depressed,[Vent] Trust is a risk not worth taking.,speaker,3,It said basically everything i said,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1262,depressed,[Vent] Trust is a risk not worth taking.,listener_1,4,"I have a really professional Pdoc and case worker, so I can't even fathom the betrayal you are experiencing. The possibility is there though and I guess we have to be careful.",-0.4939,negative,trusting 1263,depressed,"Invalidated and alone ""but it isn't that bad""",speaker,1,"I was telling someone I value and who values me that I was sad and they told me ""you don't have it that bad"" I get they were trying to snap me out of how I was feeling. But I just needed some support and it made me feel worse because they were right I don't have that bad a life but then why do I feel so sad all the time? There's always someone with it worse and it's hard when I feel alone and small in the world. I felt like a worse person and it drained me and made me not want to reach out to (them particularly) but also others in the future. ",-0.949,negative,sad 1263,depressed,"Invalidated and alone ""but it isn't that bad""",listener_1,2,"You're right, there are people who have it worse. There are also people who have it better, and people who have it roughly the same. There will always be people who fit those descriptions, and the truth is that it doesn't matter. The state of other people has nothing to do with your emotional state, and you have every right to feel the way you do about YOUR life situation. I can't control your emotions, but please try not to feel worse because your trusted other didn't understand what you were going through. Try to find the support you deserve elsewhere, or even let the individual know that their comment hurt you, because whatever you're going through, you should be able to feel like you have someone backing you up, and no one should have the ability or right to take that from you.",0.9381,positive,trusting 1263,depressed,"Invalidated and alone ""but it isn't that bad""",speaker,3,💗,0.7096,positive,impressed 1263,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_2,1,"The person I've loved for over 8 years, i don't want to hurt them anymore. I've changed alot about my life and it hurts them emotionally, I'm no longer the guy she married, but I can't go back to who I was. Everyday it eats at me and I feel the only way to end this pain is to end my life. But I know that will only cause her more pain. I've considered ending the marriage, but I the pain I know it would cause on top of the pain I've already caused weighs so heavily on me, ie probably kill myself. I'm stuck in a prison of my own doing ",-0.987,negative,guilty 1263,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_3,2,"If hurting your spouse is what you are most concerned about, while I would never ever say this normally, based on what you wrote, you committing suicide is your own selfish way of not having to deal with the consequences of the pain you are worried about causing. So don't. You need to seek professional help to deal with why you have become a different person (If you didn't do it intentionally). Not recognizing yourself is a more telling sign of mental illness than the doctor checklist. You can change this path you are on. If the marriage needs to end, while it will still cause pain, it is a pain that can ease with time as both come to realize it wasn't working and eventually find happiness with someone else. But, again, based on what you wrote, if you are just trying to avoid causing your partner pain by ending the marriage, but then chose suicide, then this is more about you than your spouse. So recognize that, recognize there are options to help you, and you staying alive is the least painful way to end a marriage if it is necessary. ",-0.9176,negative,sad 1263,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_3,3,"You can message me if you need to talk, but know there are options to improve things for both her and especially for you. ",0.5927,positive,neutral 1264,depressed,"I think a work friend reached out to me in some way. What can I say to help, let him know I’m happy to listen, what can I say to make him feel happy positive?",speaker,1,"I’m certainly no psychiatrist, so wanna tread lightly to a certain degree. At work I think I get along with most people and am generally friendly and respectful to everyone I encounter. I’m always positive and professional in the work environment and would like to keep it that way, which is what makes this a bit of a though one. Randomly when having just a chat about food (I think) with a guy I work with, he dropped in casually about how he often feels depressed and thinks he has some issues he needs to sort out. He then just made light of it and kinda joked and about something and kinda changed the subject. Kinda pacing halfway out the door and then coming back in. I really felt like it was some kind of reach out or call to just want to get a bunch of stuff off his chest. It was a brief response I had, but I just said whenever I feel down or need to get my head straight, I find long walks, a jog or some weights always makes me feel great mentally and physically. Dude is divorced, mid thirties, 2 children that he see once a week. I suffered mild depression many years ago when I was younger, just with and trying to figure life out I guess, but generally am quite positive and able to switch the those thoughts off easy enough. But I think I had it enough to know how horrible it feels and what ‘putting a happy face on in public/ at work feels like. I worked in a city last year where the suicide rate was extremely high, especially for young men in this age bracket and it always used to brake my heart. What can I do or say in this situation that may help? My obvious thought is to obviously not say anything, but know how to respond if it ever get brought up again. But is that the best way to go about it? We are on the same level work-wise, different job titles, different work areas, but our paths cross certainly at weekends and we usually shoot random shit about general work things, movies etc. But yeah, hoping to get some advice on what I can do here, if anything. Last thing I want to do is risk saying the wrong things. Any comments appreciated :)",0.987,positive,trusting 1264,depressed,"I think a work friend reached out to me in some way. What can I say to help, let him know I’m happy to listen, what can I say to make him feel happy positive?",listener_1,2,"If he talks to you again about his depression, just agree with how feels with something like, ""sounds rough, I'm sorry to hear that."" Validate what people feel. Don't try to give advice or suggestions, especially to someone you barely know. And do not try to make him feel happy as you say in the title. If you honestly want to keep it professional and not get involved, like you don't want to invite him out for drinks, then don't say much more than simply agreeing that whatever he says sounds hard to deal with, must be hard, etc. That can often be enough if someone is trying to reach out. Talking about your own depression and how you got through it is not what he is looking for, and it can sometimes make some feel worse. For example, just by what you write, I can say with certainty you have no clue what I personally experience with major depression (don't worry, not an insult or an accusation, be glad you can't relate). If I wasn't already very familiar with my own disorder and know what I am dealing with, if someone told me going for a walk will help, that might have the complete opposite intended effect and make me feel even shittier about my life and no one there to support me. The guy wasn't actually reaching out looking for help- he may need it but he has to ask for it and can't have it forced on him (short of a suicide attempt, a workplace incident, or extreme breakdown). I don't know exactly what his intentions were by saying that to you, but often just listening is all people need. Edit: good article to read https://ideas.ted.com/why-we-should-all-stop-saying-i-know-exactly-how-you-feel/",0.1549,positive,questioning 1264,depressed,"I think a work friend reached out to me in some way. What can I say to help, let him know I’m happy to listen, what can I say to make him feel happy positive?",speaker,3,"Thank you for taking the time there. That all makes a lot of sense. What I’m getting from it is - be there to listen (if it comes up again) and agree. Basically, be someone to vent to.pmif he wants it. No offense taken at all. That sounds so true with what you said. ",0.8540000000000001,positive,agreeing 1265,depressed,I need someone to talk to. Please,speaker,1,I just watched my mom break down. She's my best friend and watching that tore me up inside. I love her so much and hearing her say that she felt like she's been a disappointment and a horrible mother just crushed me. She does everything she can for me. My father was absent for most of my life and has recently come back into it. Things between them are bad and my dad is emotionally abusive to my mother. He has been for years. Watching the strongest person I know get beat down is tearing me up. I just need to talk to someone. ,-0.0772,negative,devastated 1265,depressed,I need someone to talk to. Please,listener_1,2,"That sucks. I’m sorry. Do your best to make her proud. Be kind. Be helpful. Be strong. Be respectful. Those show how well a parent has done. And tell her thank you, for all she has done for you. ",0.9666,positive,sympathizing 1265,depressed,I need someone to talk to. Please,speaker,3,I try my best to. I don't act out. I do as I'm told. I feel like she deserves everything but I don't know how to give it to her anymore. ,0.5187,positive,ashamed 1266,depressed,"Even if there is someone out there who loves you, do you still feel worthless?",speaker,1,"I always had this feeling of worthlessness. No matter what I did I couldn't make my parents happy. I tried out all sorts of things but couldn't find anything I am exceptionally good at. There would be always someone better than me. Maybe I didn't try hard enough or maybe I was just inferior. I accepted the latter. I always thought if someone loves me for who I am maybe I won't feel so worthless, inferior. Maybe I will be able to love myself. For some reason parents' love didn't work for me. Because, I always think they don't love the person I AM. They just love their SON. They don't love who I have become. If I wasn't blood related to them would they still love someone like me? I don't think so. So, I wanted someone who will love me for who I am. Whatever I am. If someone loves me for who I am then maybe I won't feel so worthless. Maybe, i will even be able to love myself. So, I sought out love, I confessed to my childhood friend whom I loved for years and then when she rejected me, my inferiority and worthlessness just grew. One year later I fell for someone else, I had this feeling that maybe she can love me. Even though I was rejected when I confessed her, she said she was happy to know it. And after one and half year she confessed me. Told me, she loves me. And I was so happy. Thought that finally I will be able to change. But, I didn't change. I was naive to think that if someone loves me then I will be able to find some worth in myself. And right now I am feeling so worthless that I posted here for the first time. So, is there someone like me? Do you still feel worthless even if someone out there loves you for who you are? How do I stop it? How do you stop it? I always thought of suicide. I attempted once. But, apparently I am also a coward. So, I can't even do that now. At this point of life I don't know what am I supposed to do. How long I am supposed to live like this. ",0.9966,positive,jealous 1266,depressed,"Even if there is someone out there who loves you, do you still feel worthless?",listener_1,2,"I think you should revise your understanding of ""worth"". Look at your activities and lifestyle in how they contribute to communal health or detract from it. ""communal health"" does not actually involve depending on others for your self-worth; sounds paradoxical, but I developed my own self-worth in relation to my ethical profile or civic virtue. ",0.8625,positive,proud 1266,depressed,"Even if there is someone out there who loves you, do you still feel worthless?",speaker,3,You really make sense. Thank you very much for your kind words and spending time to write this. I will try. I know I need to love myself. That's what I need most. I just don't know how. It's just so hard to love myself. ,0.932,positive,grateful 1266,depressed,"Even if there is someone out there who loves you, do you still feel worthless?",listener_2,4,Yeah I wish I could give you some ideas on that to but I don't even know how I did that myself to be honest. ,0.7845,positive,neutral 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,speaker,1,"I might be the only one who feels this way, but I started seeing a therapist and the first meeting was good so I decided to keep going. But every time I go, I feel like there is absolutely nothing to talk about. He will ask me how I've been and I'll say ""ok, the same"" idk, I have a lot of feelings and sometimes I get really bad moments but I have a lot of difficulty explaining it unless Im currently experiencing it and usually with my therapist Im in a better mood bc Im actually getting socialization and he makes jokes. I guess I just feel kind of dumb going there with nothing new to talk about, but he told me he wants to keep seeing me so Im just sticking with it. Also, he hasn't diagnosed me, and I don't know if that's something they typically do but it seems weird.",-0.5234,negative,lonely 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,listener_1,2,Where do you live that you have the resources to get a therapist. Anyway I’m pretty lonely and bored myself. For the last couple years I’ve been out of highschool I haven’t had any friends to speak off mostly. I basically cut myself off from my male friends from school thinking that they would hold me back and keep me from being a better person. Now I’m more or less a shut in stuck in my parents place and have little to do for past times. I don’t now what your background is but it’s hard to make friends in semi rural areas do to lack of social events or forums. I would consider my situation emotional deplorable but I can’t say that I have ever tipped over to the depression category. Feedback would be cool if your around. Tsk tsk ,0.29600000000000004,positive,lonely 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,speaker,3,"I live in california and my insurance covers mental health so that allowed me to see a therapist. Ive always lived here, so Im not sure about making friends in rural areas. I always hear people say to join clubs or keep doing activities you like, but that could be tough bc a lot of times there isnt much going on in rural areas. Im just hoping to make good friends in college and keep them",0.9292,positive,apprehensive 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,listener_1,4,"Yeah. I am taking college courses of sorts, but most of the people who take the courses are older men who are busy with work and their families. I do have a side job as well but again mostly older people who need a little cash to make ends meet. So my situation is a bit precarious. You however might have a bright future ahead of you if you can keep a good social circle game, and a soft job to pass as a career. Hopefully your more of an empathetic creature than I am which in part is what has doomed me. I kind of regret all the offers I turned down to hang out with friends and go to parties when I was younger thinking I was above them and now I’m the miserable one. ",0.898,positive,encouraging 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,speaker,5,"Hopefully things turn out ok. The school Im going to can be considered a party school, although Im not sure if the engineering students are. Either way I dont really care bc if they dont party, I will fit in better. If they do, well, the only time Ive drank I had fun so I guess Ill see.",0.7245,positive,hopeful 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,speaker,6,"This is a really good idea actually. I hadnt thought of doing this, thank you!",0.7476,positive,acknowledging 1267,depressed,Anyone feel like there's nothing to talk about in regards to your depression,speaker,7,"Its weird bc I always feel better when Im playing games with friends/going out with friends but I have to force myself to do that bc the thought of it is unappealing half the time, even though I always enjoy it. I guess it's just because it takes my mind off of whatever Im feeling",0.8442,positive,lonely 1268,depressed,help,speaker,1,i feel so empty i don’t know what to do anymore.. i’ve lost interest in doing things that used to make me feel happy. i always end up crying even tho i have no reason to,-0.3108,negative,lonely 1268,depressed,help,listener_1,2,Go see a doctor!!!,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1268,depressed,help,speaker,3,"I tried to book a schedule with any specialist that I think could help me in my situation, I even took a leave from work to focus on booking but it’s just hard.. it felt like no one’s actually willing to assist me",0.1531,positive,disappointed 1268,depressed,help,speaker,4,"Now that I think about it, there really is something wrong. It just started with a small thing and now it’s affecting my whole being like.. Idk i feel like i don’t have the energy and reason to continue.. I tried booking a schedule with any specialist that can help me but for some reason it’s hard to book one here in my country so I gave up. I eas getting impatient. It felt like I just needed help but I had to go through a lot of process just to book a session.",0.7112,positive,sad 1268,depressed,help,listener_2,5,"Your frustration is a good thing. It means that on some level you know you don’t deserve this difficulty. Hold on to that feeling, the feeling that you deserve better. It will help power your recovery. Can you use an app like BetterHelp for now?",0.7311,positive,questioning 1268,depressed,help,listener_1,6,"You gotta keep trying. It’s a whole field of medicine, surely there is someone out there that would like to help you. ",0.7964,positive,suggesting 1268,depressed,help,speaker,7,I tried counseling and meditating sites before but they seemed like useless to me. But I’ll give BetterHelp a try. Thank you very much.,0.4215,positive,trusting 1268,depressed,help,speaker,8,Thank you so much. It all started with my work and it affected my entire being on a whole level. There are times that I find myself crying even though Imm not thinking about anything. I’m surrounded by a lot of good people but itfeels like I’m lonely.,0.09,positive,sentimental 1268,depressed,help,listener_2,9,"Good luck! Be proud of yourself for reaching out and for being willing to try. That's not an easy thing when everything feels difficult, so you deserve a lot of credit. You just have to outlast these feelings. You can do this. ",0.831,positive,wishing 1268,depressed,help,speaker,10,"I tried to sign up for BetterHelp and I got an email after 24hrs. Unfortunately after the info I put in after signing up, they told me that it’s recommended that I consult a person face-to-face, since it isn’t guaranteed that online counseling will help me. Thanks for the help though. I really appreciate it. But why do I feel like sites like this don’t really understand my situation? I don’t need something to get me out of depression COMPLETELY, but I do need something that will make me feel BETTER. Do they not understand that? I’m sorry for ranting. Anyway, I don’t really know now. I’ll just let things be whatever it is that may happen to me.",0.8923,positive,apprehensive 1268,depressed,help,listener_2,11,"Will they still let you do the online thing, though? Even if they recommend face-to-face, that might just be them covering their asses. There are similar ones out there as well. good luck, I believe in you! Don't take no for an answer. Get the help you need.",0.9243,positive,agreeing 1269,depressed,Why even go on anymore,speaker,1,"I could provide you with a huge sob story. Aka, my whole freaking life. But I will just tell you small things. In a hypocritical, judgemental, annoying, mean, repetitive piece of crap. I've done nothing but hurt my friends who care so much. For the past few months, all I could think about it wanting to die. I got help. Therapy. Medication. But its not helping. I tried to be happy, got a job. Ended up making everything worse. Why do we have to go on though? There are billions of people in the world. Babies are born every day. If I want to just end it all, why can't they just give me a shot that will kill me painlessly? I want to not exist anymore. I don't want to feel, think, care, I don't want to be here at all. But I'm so scared of pain. What if I try, and I fail? Ill end up being hurt. Ill end up messing up more things than I already have. I'm tired of climbing out of one hole just to fall in another. I think its time to just sit at the end of it, cry, and then drown. But then I also have friends, family. I don't want them to be hurt. I care for them so much. I don't want them to feel it was their fault. At times though, I get so numb to where I couldn't care less. Ill be dead anyways. Well. That's my rant ('; i honestly don't know what I expect but oh whale. ",-0.9956,negative,ashamed 1269,depressed,Why even go on anymore,listener_1,2,You know some goodness will show up eventually; may as well wait around.,0.6249,positive,consoling 1269,depressed,Why even go on anymore,speaker,3,"Yeah. Its hard. Having all these people who care for you, but all you want to do is just not exist. I always hide being sad. Ill be hanging out, voice calling, but I'm always acting happy. No need to bring them into this crap, right? I guess though, in a way we are lucky. We have things to keep us going. Maybe life will turn out okay, hopefully. ",0.2263,positive,content 1270,depressed,I'm trying to meet up with this girl for apps but she only messages once a day and today is almost over but I haven't heard from her,speaker,1,"Not sure what to make of it really, I thought the conversation was going well. Maybe she was just being sarcastic the whole time.",-0.2173,negative,surprised 1270,depressed,I'm trying to meet up with this girl for apps but she only messages once a day and today is almost over but I haven't heard from her,listener_1,2,"She only messages once a day? Like as a rule? Sounds like drama. Run away. Trust me, I know the need to attach and feel wanted. But seriously, this sounds... like a train wreck waiting to happen. ",0.3313,positive,apprehensive 1270,depressed,I'm trying to meet up with this girl for apps but she only messages once a day and today is almost over but I haven't heard from her,speaker,3,I don't know we first started talking regularly with messages then the spacing between them got longer and longer to once a day. She actually did just message me but I mean damn it's kind of weird. Lol I don't really see how it sounds like drama. ,0.2289,positive,neutral 1271,depressed,I cant keep living like this. Im in hell,speaker,1,"I’ve basically had depression all my life(17), i come from an abused household. My depression became noticeable my sophomore year. It became severe my junior and senior year. In the past year, i turned to the streets and started robbing people, runnin through houses, and so on. I’ve lost 6 friends in the past year. My depression has only gotten worst and so has my anxiety and paranoia. I graduated this year, however my last semester I had to go on homebound(teacher brings me hw). I tried killing myself twice this year. I can’t stand the suffering. I feel numb everyday. Things were finally getting better this summer. However this past week, the depression came back. Im scared of feeling this way, im tired of feeling this suffering. I can’t keep doing this shit, im so tired of this. I look horrible, i feel horrible and now im isolating myself again which scares me. Im scared of being suicidal again. Im scared of feeling all this pain ",-0.9971,negative,ashamed 1271,depressed,I cant keep living like this. Im in hell,listener_1,2,Is there anyone you can reach out to for help? Sometimes we get to low to do it alone. ,-0.0772,negative,lonely 1271,depressed,I cant keep living like this. Im in hell,speaker,3,Besides my psychiatrist unfortunately no. I used to be in therapy however I can’t confront my demons and trauma. So for now im alone,-0.7845,negative,lonely 1271,depressed,I cant keep living like this. Im in hell,speaker,4,No ive been tryin to improve myself. Its tempting to go back however now im to paranoid to do it. I’ve been trying to clear my mind and get better but its hard to do so.,0.25,positive,apprehensive 1271,depressed,I cant keep living like this. Im in hell,listener_1,5,Have you told the psychiatrist about how you're feeling? ,0.128,positive,questioning 1272,depressed,Why cant I find joy in the things I used to.,speaker,1,"My whole life I have been a gamer, N64, PS2, Xbox 360, PC. I played MMO, FPS, MOBA, Puzzle Platformers, Fighting Games, ect. Now its such a struggle for me to find joy in any game, I can download an emulator for free and practically play any game if I want to... Typically I'll just sit at the PC, stare at some ROMs/ISOs from my past and download them then I load and play for 5 minutes and just close the emulator. Or I'll spend 30 minutes browsing Steam store looking for something and never find anything I want to play, then I'll browse games I own on steam install them and never touch them. Hours go by and I do nothing, I rather just browse reddit and the internet endlessly, I'll refresh the same page over and over or I'll check a sub and find nothing new then 10 minutes later cycle through all the subs and end up back at the original sub. I own 250 games on steam, I own a PS4, its not that I don't have games. I have netflix, I dont watch any shows, I have cable and don't give a shit about anything on it. I have all sorts of material things, I have a car, phone, bed, bass+amp, headphones, fight stick, numerous controllers, laptop, web cam, gaming pc, ps4, n64 and tons of music. I cant find anything to do or enjoy anymore, every day I just want to eat, sleep, fast forward.",0.956,positive,nostalgic 1272,depressed,Why cant I find joy in the things I used to.,listener_1,2,"This recent speech explains why you feel that way and how you're not alone, our entire generation has been poisoned by the need for instant gratification. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qHMHK4i_oLg&feature=youtu.be ",0.0361,neutral,impressed 1272,depressed,Why cant I find joy in the things I used to.,speaker,3,"I'm 31, nothing grabs my interest long term. Everyday is like I'm searching for a hobby or something to do.",0.0052,neutral,lonely 1272,depressed,Why cant I find joy in the things I used to.,listener_2,4,"Yeah, and nothing ever sounds fun. What even is ""fun"" anymore? I feel like that word has lost its meaning for me. I think the last time I felt excited for a game was 2010, when StarCraft 2 was coming out. Just gotta keep survivin'.",0.6595,positive,excited 1273,depressed,help me,speaker,1,"If I could go back, I would kill myself, replace it, be a good person, fuck you Prozac doesn’t fucking work. The therapists talk about oh have you ever had suicidal thoughts recently? Fuck you. You act like its rare, that’s just a regular thing for me My main goal in life is true love. That’s all I want someone to love me. Please please That’s all I ask is that so much I don’t understand Help me help me please please help I just want someone to let me know it will be okay I just want someone to tell me ill be fine Help me help me please I think about shooting up my school constantly. Im scared one day ill act upon it Sometimes I grab a cane and pertend to do it. Shooting each one one by one, it would be fun I don’t know why im so fucking messed up My dad shouts at me on the regular, swears. He cheated on my mom, got full custody… Says she abandoned me I don’t want to be alone anymore I long for someone to just sit beside me Sit beside me and talk to me Just for a little bit Please please help me please please please I cant take this anymore I don’t want to die ive tried suicide so many times already cant tell that to my dad, can i? hed just rub it off as yep probably because of your mom fuck you dad I don’t understand life Please help me tell me it will be okay tell me it will be okay please",0.9625,positive,angry 1273,depressed,help me,listener_1,2,"You could talk to a school counselor maybe? Sometimes we get so low we need help getting back up. Who is prescribing prozac? Can't you talk to whoever that is, and tell them it's not working? In any case, your pain is finite and this burden shall pass.",-0.8051,negative,suggesting 1273,depressed,help me,listener_2,3,Please make a commitment to yourself and everyone else that violence is not the answer to your personal emotions.,-0.0516,negative,faithful 1274,depressed,Sometimes I wish I romanticize being an heroin addict..,speaker,1,"I am a typical dude; I have education, friends, family, work. I feel deeply ashamed when I let them down by being a waste of breath. Noone expects anything from a heroin addict. Only that they overdose...",-0.7425,negative,ashamed 1274,depressed,Sometimes I wish I romanticize being an heroin addict..,listener_1,2,Not so. I did heroin IV for 12 years and got clean and improved my life. It is entirely possible. What is your situation? Are you addicted to heroin now? Do you know about the different ways to stop?,-0.5171,negative,questioning 1274,depressed,Sometimes I wish I romanticize being an heroin addict..,speaker,3,"Oh, no, I understand the miscommunication. ""I wish"" was not ment to be in the title. ""Sometimes I romanticize being a heroin addict"", should be the title. Thanks for the concern though.",0.6369,positive,sympathizing 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,speaker,1,I mean god damn why'd she have to be such a bitch? Not sure how I didn't notice it at the time it was pretty obvious. It just feels shitty for someone to be so disrespectful and yet pretend to love you. It's weird and I'm not sure what to make of it now. ,-0.6832,negative,angry 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,listener_1,2,"People carry around a lot of pain. Then they find someone they care about or trust and they offload it. Obviously she felt safe with you. Not excusing her behavior just pointing out it sucks to be someone like that who hurts the people they care about. Find someone better, and forgive the ex. Don’t let the shit she dumped on you, cause you to be at risk of doing anything similar!",0.9545,positive,agreeing 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,speaker,3,"Yeah I seem to only attract trashy women that do this. I think they want to feel superior to me in this way. It doesn't really make sense though, I respect them and everything so what are they getting out of it? No I don't do that kind of shit to anyone. It's weird passive aggressive idiocy. If there's a problem I'll talk about the problem, I won't blame them for it. Unless they're doing it intentionally.",0.1638,positive,jealous 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,listener_1,4,You deserve a great person. Up your standards at least as far as this kind of stuff. Everyone deserves respect and fairness. I’m bitchy at times to my husband but I try to apologize and point out it’s not always his fault at all. And get over it without laying shit in him he doesn’t deserve. If he’s rude or hurts my feelings I try to explain how it hurts and move on. Sounds like you do that too. You just need to find the right match. She’s out there,-0.0585,negative,proud 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,speaker,5,"Thanks, that's true. I missed her for awhile because I hadn't had a relationship in so long. But I reached out to her two weeks after the break up and she just rubbed it in my face that she was with someone else. You're right I need to raise my standards. But it's the kind of thing that I don't really notice until a few weeks into the relationship. At that point I don't really want to leave them unless it's for someone else just to not be alone but we usually break up before that happens anyway. Yeah good on you to be reasonable, I hope your husband does the same for you. I hope she is out there, it really sucks to be alone or made to feel worthless. Right now I talk to a girl in the Philippines and it's good and all but she's so far away. And we're not into the same things so much which is alright but it makes it so that we don't have as much to talk about as we could. ",0.9227,positive,agreeing 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,speaker,6,"Yeah I mean things are definitely weird about it. I hung out with her recently and things seem better now. I'm not really sure about how far things are going to go and I think I should have brought some things up but I didn't. She did apologize for leaving me though, that felt pretty good to hear. I don't really like how it's entirely her decision if we hang out but I also like hanging out with her so I don't know if I'm making a mistake or not. I'm just going by how it's better than nothing right now. And things seemed very chill this time around, neither of us got mad or anything and we had a pretty good conversation throughout. So I don't know, maybe it'll just be casual but I'm at an age where I should be in something serious. ",0.9499,positive,apprehensive 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,listener_2,7,Everyone deserves a second chance. Follow your heart. ,0.7351,positive,hopeful 1275,depressed,Thinking back on how insulting my ex was at times when I didn't even notice it,speaker,8,"That would be cool, but I'd have to give it a lot of time first. Still it's always good when things work out. Or so I'd imagine, obviously nothing has fully done so yet. ",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 1276,depressed,"I can’t really think of an impressive title so uh, I feel really down",speaker,1,"And I just need a friend. One time I had this crush on a boy who was also my best friend and we hung out along with my other best friends. Long story short I got jealous a lot and when I confessed he said he knew. Like in the most point blank stare and disappointed hand gestures. And it ruined me. For a while and now I’m completely over him but he says that he doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore because it might start over. The whole cycle. And it confused me because I wanted my best friend back. He’s influenced my other friends to back off because of all the things I’ve done too. Because of him. Now I’m questioning my sexuality and it’s out of topic I know. But I don’t want this to root from sadness or him. It’s like I want to change but I’m still this piece of crap in his eyes and i don’t know what to do because all I see is people whom I thought were my best friends staring at me, disappointed. ",0.9814,positive,devastated 1276,depressed,"I can’t really think of an impressive title so uh, I feel really down",listener_1,2,"I feel sorry for what happened to you. Sounds easy I know but u have to get over the whole situation, start something new. Love 💗",0.9473,positive,sympathizing 1276,depressed,"I can’t really think of an impressive title so uh, I feel really down",speaker,3,Thank you so much! It means a lot to have someone read over my problems and actually give me advice! ,-0.1984,negative,grateful 1277,depressed,I’m not interesting.,speaker,1,"For as long as I can remember, my mother’s always made me feel distinctly uncomfortable. I got away with not being around her because I was mostly raised by my great-grandparents. Eventually, I had to move in with her. She always drains me and I can’t stand to be around her too long. Which is unfortunate because I still live at home because it’s the only real feasible option for me at the moment. I’ve also always been overweight but I’ve been working on that for the past year and I’ve dropped 20 pounds. It’s still not good enough. Nothing is ever good enough for her. I get that parents want you to be your happiest, healthiest self but, all she ever does is yell at me and treat me like a child. She fat shames me as if she wasn’t once overweight herself. We were even the both same weight at one point and she still looks at me with disgust sometimes. I love her so much but she causes me so much pain. I had my largest break-down back in early January and spent the night in a mental healthcare facility. She asked me what caused it and the answer was her. I didn’t tell her that though. I think that when I move out, I’ll finally feel free. I’m trying to make that happen within the next year. Or else I don’t think I could live anymore. ",-0.3581,negative,lonely 1277,depressed,I’m not interesting.,listener_1,2,"This sucks. I’m sorry. No one should make their own child feel this way. Take deep breaths and remember that her problems are her own. She’s taking them out on you. You are not the problem, just try to remember. Keep your calm, and keep trying to be the best you, you can be. I’m a mom, and here are some <<Mom hugs>>, just cuz you need them. ",0.2635,positive,sympathizing 1277,depressed,I’m not interesting.,speaker,3,"Thank you, this helped me out. I needed those mom hugs. ",0.6908,positive,grateful 1278,depressed,i feel like i suck at everything,speaker,1,"Currently taking an online English course and my teacher gave me a 70. I feel terrible right now and my self-esteem is getting worse. I can't even enter university with this mark because you need a 75% at least, I feel so hopeless. I'm not even good at science either, got mainly 60's and math is my worst. I used to be good at math. I hate everything, I'm not even good at any of the subjects I do even if I study more than other students in my class or make better art. The only thing I'm good at is art, but last semester the teacher gave me 5% less than three of my friends even though I do more art than them. I hate Ontario and how competitive everything is. I'm not even sure if I'll get into another college I want to go into for art. Honestly, I feel like I'll never get anywhere in life. ",-0.1486,negative,devastated 1279,depressed,To subjectively summarize my meaningless life,speaker,1,"A lot of times I feel extremely inadequate. About everything. Work, communication, maintaining relationships, maintaining my life in all actuality. It's all so draining. I find that no matter how hard I try or how well I think I am doing, it's never enough. There's always something that I didn't do right. Someone I disappointed. The amount of effort someone like me puts into tasks/relationships that end up being incorrect or just mediocre is exhausting. It's hard to fathom why I keep on fighting to even try. Why shouldn't I just give up? Stop fighting. I'm not really proving to be much of use to anyone in particular. Life is just a tedious cycle of the same routine repeating everyday. Complete a task, make a new friend, pay the bills; feel accomplished. This feeling is fleeting and often accompanied by the quickly encroaching feeling of ineptitude. The task completed was seemingly of poor quality, the friend you made is disappointed that you couldn't be more open, and you may have paid your bills but now you have no money to purchase food or support yourself. So again, why fight? Why try to continue life when it will always consist of dissapointing both others and myself",-0.7921,negative,disappointed 1279,depressed,To subjectively summarize my meaningless life,listener_1,2,"My instincts to survive carried me through low periods. I have attempted suicide atleast twice though; in those cases, alcohol obstructed my instincts. I know that nature is cyclical and so are my moods.",-0.765,negative,trusting 1279,depressed,To subjectively summarize my meaningless life,speaker,3,"See, that's the difference between you and I. When my low periods occur, all the will I have to survive is extinguished. I accept everything that happens regardless of the good or bad consequences. Logic is no longer a concept. But I appreciate the input.",0.4404,positive,trusting 1279,depressed,To subjectively summarize my meaningless life,speaker,4,"I understand. I've been there. I experienced my worst a year ago. It gets so close to that point every time. However, I will not condone surrender of life. I may want to give up as well but I refuse to be the one making decisions for your life. It is your own choice. I can be here to talk to you. To understand you. But letting go is a choice of your own responsibility.",-0.5647,negative,caring 1279,depressed,To subjectively summarize my meaningless life,listener_2,5,"It’s nice to know that someone cares and has felt the same way as I am right now and I will try my hardest, no matter how tough my life is, to not surrender to death. Thank you.",0.8712,positive,grateful 1280,depressed,Getting randomly depressed and Guero isn't curing it,speaker,1,"I really like this album. I think Guero and Mellow Gold are masterpieces but most everything else he made is bad. Maybe not the first album, I remember liking that one but I haven't heard it in a while. But I'm feeling depressed and lonely. I feel like life is one big jump over some vast expanse of some kind. And I'm free falling about halfway across the jump now. So the impact of my failure as a human being hasn't struck yet but it's inevitable and I only have a short period of time where the only thing I can do is flail helplessly before I hit the ground and die. My mind is a potato for sure. It really kills me when I fuck up in front of people and it stings in my memory persistently for years afterwards. The best I can do is just hide and try to say nothing to anyone. I hate my life, I hate how I feel all the time. I hate how much I could have done if there wasn't something fucking up my mind. And if someone actually gave a shit about a person's life instead of acting like it's a joke maybe things wouldn't be so bad. But I guess that doesn't happen. I have this ideal kind of person in my mind where I think if I had a group of friends like them I would actually get to be myself. But honestly I have no idea how these idealized people would act or who I'm supposed to turn into and how. I've been down for so long it's all I know, fucking hate how negative I am. I don't know what else to say so I'm going to post this now and will probably add more later. ",-0.9799,negative,sad 1280,depressed,Getting randomly depressed and Guero isn't curing it,listener_1,2,"I don't know where you live but places like LA have cool groups of misfits. I think in general artists are pretty cool, generally accepting though I feel thry can get touchy when you compare their work with your own.",0.9505,positive,impressed 1280,depressed,Getting randomly depressed and Guero isn't curing it,speaker,3,"It sort of depends on the artist, I'm an artist and a lot of people I went to art school with were not accepting at all. But some were so I don't know. That might be a good idea though, going to art galleries, I could make some new connections. Or develop a bad reputation, it's tricky to figure out when there's so much to gain or lose. ",-0.2374,negative,apprehensive 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,speaker,1,"So when i was like 6 my parents split up and it's been causing me some anxiety and a bit of depression since. When my mum and dad split up it was traumatic and while writing this I am still as scared as I was when it was happening. I can remember it clear as day. So it all started out when my dad came home from his work (he works as a night club security). It was late at night and my mum had bring her 6 and 10 year old children out to a bar. Yes you read that correctly HER 6 AND 10 YEAR OLD TO A BAR AT 11:30 PM. She got mortal (really drunk) and got a taxi home. She used to take our electronics away from us at night time so we didn't go on them. Being a kid that was annoying. I couldnt get to sleep so I whispered to my sister so she let me in her bed because I was afraid of the dark. I fell asleep and I hear a noise. It was knocking on the door I wake up my sister and my dad was locked out. My mum was still drunk and she screamed "" I WANT TO BE SINGLE"". That line there ruined everything for me. I was distraught I started crying as I saw my dad ( the person I looked up to) leave. So one week later can you guess what happens? No? SHE IS FUCKING MARRIED TO THIS UGLY ASS BALD HEADED FREAK. She said she wanted to be single. I only saw my dad on Saturdays and Sundays and she told him he had to pay £20 every weekend to see us. Later on in my life about when I was 6 and a half I go to bed and I wake up to shouting. I hear my mum smashing stuff and a Thud Thud Thud. Every time it was getting further away. I realise it was my step dad (bald headed freak) getting pushed down the stairs. I have a recording of the sound on my phone. I hear screaming again. This time it's my oldest sister (I have 2 sisters younger one is the one earlier) she pulled out a kitchen knife. She put it to her head. Luckily the police came and stopped her from killing herself. I was 7 when my dad took full custody of me and my younger sister but I've always been emotionally scarred from this. Sorry if this is really long, but I've never told anyone.",-0.9706,negative,terrified 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,listener_1,2,"It sounds like you had a traumatic childhood. I did too. My mom is an alcoholic and very depressed also anti-social (she steals and is violent at times, etc.) and my father was away at sea most of the time as a navy engineer. My sister and I have had a difficult time dealing with our pasts and moving forward. My sister has done a lot of therapy but I've avoided it until lately. I just started a month ago, talking to a therapist, and I'm not sure yet if it will help. I was diagnosed with major depression. How are you making out? Are you close to any siblings? Is life better with your dad? How is your mom now?",-0.9159,negative,agreeing 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,speaker,3,"I'm still very traumatised but as the years have gone on I've learnt that everything happens and you can't change that , I accept what I have went through and I'm trying to steer clear of anyone trying to do me harm but although I feel depressed most days I haven't went to a doctor and got it diagnosed yet, I know it's bad to wait but I don't think I'm ready yet, im sorry you had to go through this but just remember you will grow stronger everyday. EDIT: My dad was also in the navy and I didn't see much of him for the first few years of my life",-0.8809999999999999,negative,sad 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,listener_1,4,"It is important in life to be able to accept things we cannot change though that is easier said than done sometimes. It seems like a good idea to try to sort out the depression without a doctor first, if you can because too often doctors just put people on pills which can be hard to quit after a while and which have down sides. I wish you the best. It's good not to keep stuff inside and to communicate the way you have with this post. Reaching out is healthy. Try to cultivate relationships with good people you can trust whenever you come across them.",0.9776,positive,wishing 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,speaker,5,Good luck to you too mate. Promise me you won't make any bad decisions.,0.8765,positive,wishing 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,listener_1,6,Thanks for kind words but it's way too late for that!!! I've made millions of horrible decisions already. ,-0.5386,negative,agreeing 1281,depressed,Anyone else had a relatively bad childhood from ages 5-10? Read all,speaker,7,Well dont make any more please!!hahah. Good luck I wish you all the best,0.9435,positive,wishing 1282,depressed,So deeply depressed from my life,speaker,1,"My life has always been bad. My mom and dad are drug addicts. My granparents raised me but they weren’t happy. My grandpa was an alcoholic and my grandma was bipolar. My grandma got cancer and died while I was in highschool, my grandpa had a stroke and is paralyzed now. He is so controlling and I feel like I can’t be an adult. I now take care of my aunt my brother and sister. The only person who lit up my life was my boyfriend who came helped me through so much. He made me feel again. He helped me realize I was something. He helped me remember how to laugh again and he showed me I was capable of being loved. We had such a beautiful relationship until about a month ago when he started to seem different. He was so angry. He was depressed. He started smoking and he started acting shady. The other day he released a music video for his band and he made out with someone in it. He never told me. He broke up with me and said he needed to find himself. We talked everyday and we did everything together. I was not expecting this and I feel so alone. I have eaten probably 1200 calories in 9 days. I can’t force myself to eat and even when I do I am so over it after a few bites. I have been trying to sleep in every minute not taken up by my 8-5 job. My aunt is mad and says my brother and sister miss me but she really just wants me to start keeping the house up again. I want to move out and I wish I could fall asleep and wake up when all of this is over. I just want my best friend and love of my life back. I have a few friends but they don’t compare to what we had. Our relationship was deep and rewarding. We had so many stimulating conversations and our life together was so happy. I can’t believe I lost this relationship and I still don’t even understand what happened. We were having some minor issues but he was constantly reassuring me that we were okay. Then we just randomly split. I just need a pep talk someone please I have no one to talk to",0.9922,positive,caring 1282,depressed,So deeply depressed from my life,listener_1,2,"Even though you are young, you still have responsibilities: take care of your family as best you can.",0.8126,positive,faithful 1282,depressed,So deeply depressed from my life,speaker,3,Yeah I know. I still am keeping up with my duties. I just have no interest in them at all,-0.0721,negative,agreeing 1282,depressed,So deeply depressed from my life,speaker,4,Thank you. It always feels good when people see the good in me ,0.8074,positive,grateful 1283,depressed,Sinking,speaker,1,Empty No feelings Dont care Not angry Not sad Given up Isolating Totally fine w this. Better than being angry n emotional. Anyone relate?,-0.7747,negative,content 1283,depressed,Sinking,listener_1,2,"Pretty much same. Not giving up yet, though. ",0.2878,positive,neutral 1283,depressed,Sinking,speaker,3,Its liberating to give up. No worries no cares. No let downs. ,0.3875,positive,sentimental 1284,depressed,I don't want to do anything today,speaker,1,"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh it's early I just want to sleep more. I hate waking up alone. There's no energizing exchange to start the day in a good mood. I'm used to it though I guess. It still sucks though. There was something I was going to say but I can't remember what it was. Maybe I'll think of it later. Last night I was trying to hang out outside on the back patio but these raccoons kept walking up to me. There's nothing more terrifying than a bunch of raccoons stalking out of the darkness into a poorly lit and tiny back yard. What if they were skunks you know? There are a lot of skunks in my area. So that sucked, I really wanted to enjoy sitting outside for a night. Anyway I'm going to go do stuff begrudgingly and wish I wasn't doing it all alone. ",0.1953,positive,lonely 1284,depressed,I don't want to do anything today,listener_1,2,"Right there with ya today. Maybe hunger will motivate action. Meanwhile, it's the relentless swarms of bloodsucking insects that drive me indoors. At least skunks and raccoons don't try to eat you or deposit deadly viruses into your veins. Just don't try to pet them. Anyway, my plan is also to do stuff begrudgingly today and hopefully make it through. Good luck.",0.8555,positive,hopeful 1284,depressed,I don't want to do anything today,speaker,3,"Yeah breakfast definitely helped. Ah yeah insects are the worsts. I grew up in the south and there was always a swarm of gnats and mosquitoes on you if you went outside. Have there really been a lot of cases of deadly viral infections from mosquitoes where you are? Thanks, good luck to you too. ",0.9313,positive,agreeing 1284,depressed,I don't want to do anything today,listener_1,4,"A couple years ago, a couple people died from a virus carried by mosquitoes. Also there are tons of lymes ticks. Ugh. Stay indoors; watch TV.",-0.7506,negative,disgusted 1284,depressed,I don't want to do anything today,speaker,5,"Damn, insects are definitely the worst. ",-0.6249,negative,agreeing 1285,depressed,boy was i wrong as a kid,speaker,1,"when I was younger ( in my teens) I always thought I was depressed and suicidal, and people would ask why and I always knew why, whether it be school work, my family, or some silly boy who never noticed me. Now that im older I realize how little I knew about depression and suicide ( not to take away from others who are, for me at that age I was just sad), now when people ask whats wrong I think I know the answer, but its not true, I have no money issues( im not rich but im not struggling) I have an amazing boyfriend.I love my job, and I have no family issues.. its all in my head, "" I m worthless, everyone hates me, I wont make ends meet this month if I buy this item I want, my boyfriend is gonna realize how fat and stupid I am and leave me"" yet i know none of that is true, but once I hit that ""time"" Its hard to get out of it.. I cry my self to sleep most of the time cause im too afraid to talk to anyone about this kind of thing cause, like i said if im in the right mind i know its all silly. I dont want to seek help cause I feel there is probably someone out there who needs it more than me and I dont want to take away a spot for them. I just dont want to be like this anymore... idk.. end rant. ill try sleeping again... ",-0.968,negative,ashamed 1285,depressed,boy was i wrong as a kid,listener_1,2,"Just because other people might have it worse doesn't mean you can't have problems too! Don't invalidate your own feelings. You're human, you're allowed to feel. With that said, I know how you feel. I struggle against my mind every day. The only advice I can give is that it might help to talk to someone you trust, or someone that is empathetic. If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone irl, talk to me! PM's always open. Hope you feel better. ",0.8496,positive,agreeing 1285,depressed,boy was i wrong as a kid,listener_2,3,Well said. ,0.2732,positive,acknowledging 1286,depressed,Just Need To Talk,speaker,1,"Honestly, I dont want to type a whole thing on here. I dont even know if I wanna talk about whats wrong. I just need someone, anyone to message me and just BS with me. I'm alone. I'm depressed. I just need a friend. A TINY bit more: Last night, I thought up 3 different ways to end my own life in a matter of about 8 seconds. I was horrified. I've never been this low before. I'm scared..",-0.8778,negative,ashamed 1286,depressed,Just Need To Talk,listener_1,2,Hey! I'll be your friend. Wanna chat? Sorry you're not feeling good...but I understand being sad all the time. ,-0.2173,negative,caring 1286,depressed,Just Need To Talk,speaker,3,Youre so sweet. I would love to be friends. You can message me or ill message you. Thank you. ❤,0.9381,positive,wishing 1287,depressed,"What have I done, what am I doing..",speaker,1,"It's some of the little things that just catch me so off guard, I haven't been taking care of myself lately, and its really starting to show now, I used to be so well kept, now I have cavities, my teeth genuinely hurt, I know I'll be able to pay for them fixed but how did I let myself get this far.. I've even been cutting which I never used to do but I just don't hurt enough it seams. I feel like I'm so trapped right now, I don't want to be here and I know it would destroy some of the people that I know if I just kill myself but I genuinely don't want to even go through any of the trivial small things let alone anything more than day to day. Just make it stop, please let me die in my sleep tonight, I can't bear to be in this reality I've made, that I'm stuck in. I don't want to wake up anymore, where can I get off with out hurting anyone, I just want to stop hurting. ",-0.9874,negative,surprised 1287,depressed,"What have I done, what am I doing..",listener_1,2,"Do you have any way of release, or any way to concentrate on something important like education or work?",0.5106,positive,questioning 1287,depressed,"What have I done, what am I doing..",speaker,3,"I wish, I just don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing makes me happy anymore, I just feel like I’ve slowly lost everything. I’m a trimmer at a dispensary which is really nice and pays great. I can’t complain about any of that, but tbh I don’t actually have much to complain about but I still can’t stand it, it’s just lingering always. ",-0.116,negative,sad 1287,depressed,"What have I done, what am I doing..",listener_1,4,"If you have not already seen a doctor, or are on meds, I know that simple diet and exercise are helpful. I myself have lived with decades of depression/anhedonia, but my intake of protein and vitamins seems to help me stay out of really low periods.",0.3314,positive,grateful 1288,depressed,Today was a bad day,speaker,1,"I’ve been living with depression my whole adult life. There’s progress, but it always comes back. Today was a bad day. I couldn’t get out of bed. The hole in my chest was too much. The heaviness was full force, and no matter what I couldn’t stop it. I just laid there, told it “I see you”. I cried, I gasped for air, I curled up and wished to be nonexistent, I wished I wasn’t alone, I slept, I did nothing too. I spent the day with it. I had to because it wasn’t going anywhere. It had me in it’s clutches and the grip was unforgiving. I hated myself. But sometimes that’s needed, and that’s okay. It’s okay to radiate utter despair and to feel what you’re feeling 100% even if it’s not good. Thats being honest with yourself, that’s bravery. I faced it, I accept it as a part of me and because of that I can say good by and let it go. You always have a choice, and the new days we get are chances to try again, every last one of them. I accept that I’m incapable of total normalcy and that it will come again, I will get unmotivated and tired again. But it’s not the end. I have the power to love the good in life and appreciate the small things and get back on track. This will make me stronger. It’s not much but it’s something to hold onto and it’s a start. I can get back up. Whoever is reading this, all the fallen like me willing to get back up every time too, this is your reminder: You have a choice. You are strong. You are brave. You matter and I’m so proud of you. You’re not alone, and tomorrow is always a new day. ",0.9747,positive,sad 1288,depressed,Today was a bad day,listener_1,2,"Hugs. I get it. Can’t figure out what God was think when he made me at times, just that there must be a purpose for me. Hang tough ",0.5859,positive,faithful 1288,depressed,Today was a bad day,speaker,3,"There is a purpose for everyone dear, even if it’s just to give others a voice to say I’m going through what you’re going through and I’ll be supportive. Thanks so much I appreciate the kind words ❤️",0.9196,positive,caring 1289,depressed,Lost a close friend and need someone to fill that void,speaker,1,"Each day since losing her has been miserable. I just need someone to talk to. I hate feeling this way, it sucks. Preferably F. Anyone? ",-0.8885,negative,lonely 1289,depressed,Lost a close friend and need someone to fill that void,listener_1,2,Did the person die? Or was it a parting of ways?,-0.644,negative,questioning 1289,depressed,Lost a close friend and need someone to fill that void,speaker,3,A little complicated but it’s the latter ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1290,depressed,I want to die,speaker,1,"Everytime I talk to someone on Reddit about my problems, all they do ask me to post on other subs for help. The only problem is, I will never have enough karma to post for help. I can't get food or cat litter cause I don't have a million karma. I hate it and it's so depressing. I really wish I can find my cat a good home so I can kill myself already.",-0.7985,negative,disappointed 1290,depressed,I want to die,listener_1,2,Why do you want to die? ,-0.5574,negative,questioning 1290,depressed,I want to die,listener_2,3,I will upvote your post. It's a start. Maybe others will do the same. I get upvotes but also a lot of downvotes so it's a slow accumulation over years and years. There's nothing I can think of to do about it but maybe someone smarter will have a suggestion.,0.6124,positive,suggesting 1290,depressed,I want to die,listener_3,4,"Hugs. You and kitty stay strong for each other and things will turn around. I get tired of the struggle too, but my 4 brats help me feel worthwhile! ",0.8221,positive,caring 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,speaker,1,"I feel so depressed because i hate everything for the most part. All the shit people do just looks so fucking stupid all the time. But I base my intellectual superiority over other people on nothing. I don't even know if that last sentence was grammatically correct. Anyway, I'm tired. Almost fell asleep just now. ",0.05,positive,sad 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,listener_1,2,What would you consider better?,0.4404,positive,questioning 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,speaker,3,what?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,listener_1,4,"If they are inferior, how coukd they be better?",0.0516,positive,questioning 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,speaker,5,Lol better than what? That's kind of a vague question.,0.6486,positive,questioning 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,speaker,6,Well I just think most of what is really popular these days is kind of stupid. But I hate my life so maybe I'm just stupid. It's very hard for me to tell which one is the case. ,-0.9089,negative,suggesting 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,listener_1,7,"Well, maybe your right. I enjoy some cynical humor :P",0.7603,positive,suggesting 1291,depressed,The end of the day always makes me depressed,speaker,8,lol I have no idea what you just said. Right about what? Was my comment the cynical humor you're referring to? ,0.1179,positive,questioning 1292,depressed,I'm at a complete loss. Hopless.,speaker,1,I just found out the woman I'm in love with killed herself yesterday. I don't know what to do.,-0.0772,negative,devastated 1292,depressed,I'm at a complete loss. Hopless.,listener_1,2,Is that the same person you posted about in r/confessions ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1292,depressed,I'm at a complete loss. Hopless.,speaker,3,Yeah.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,speaker,1,"I recently got put on antidepressants.. and I’ve never wanted to be dead this bad.. I constantly feel lonely and down, my family only put me down all the time because I can’t leave my room.. I’ve found comfort in calling people before, but people have just gotten tired of my negativity and hopelessness... It’d just be nice to have someone to talk to..",-0.9482,negative,lonely 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,listener_1,2,Do you understand that anti-depressants take atleast a few weeks to benefit someone? ,0.4588,positive,questioning 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,speaker,3,I do know. It can take from 2-8 weeks.-. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,speaker,4,Would be nice:/,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,listener_2,5,Do you have discord or anything similar?,-0.4019,negative,questioning 1293,depressed,I’m just so done..,speaker,6,"I do, mind dm’ing your ign>~< ? mine has an emoji in it so it makes it annoying to add for some people",-0.4019,negative,annoyed 1294,depressed,Advice,speaker,1,Looking for any advice for getting out of a rut. Every aspect of my life just seems to be going to shit lately. I don't want to be social or interact with my friends. I don't know what to do and I just feel sad a lot ,-0.5889,negative,lonely 1294,depressed,Advice,listener_1,2,"Me too, waiting for advice also.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1294,depressed,Advice,listener_2,3,Second: >What seems to be the pain points? What sort of advice do you all need?,-0.5661,negative,questioning 1295,depressed,Can anyone relate?,speaker,1,"For a while, at times I feel the most emotionally vulnerable, I feel sad. I feel sad, not for myself, but for others. I think of all the pain and suffering in the world. I think about the families that struggle to bring food for their children, those battling serious illnesses, and many other things. The thought of all these things makes me sad, and sometimes feel guilty for the life I have. It also makes me reflect on times where I'd ask for more from my parents, when there are children out there that don't even have a warm meal to eat. I find it humbling to see the reality of all things in the world, but it's very saddening to me. ",-0.9881,negative,sentimental 1295,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_1,2,"It’s okay to realise that but don’t feel sad about it. Why not instead, let that be your motivation. A drive to help as many out there that are in that situation. There are many in that situation, but feeling bad for them isn’t going to do anything. And then feeling bad for them will only bring you down even more because that’s all you see. Have faith and pray that they’ll be good and make a difference by shining your light for them, so that they may have the motivation. The start of a new cycle (: Love for humanity is good, but focus on the love and not the dark of it 😁",0.9875,positive,sad 1295,depressed,Can anyone relate?,speaker,3,Thank you so much! xx,0.4199,positive,wishing 1295,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_2,4,"One more thing I had to work out over a long time. You CAN help those in need that are a source of worry for you, but... The best way to help is to build yourself up now, get smarter, get the skills (civil engineer, teacher, health specialist, psychologist, Farmer (some of the smartest peeps I know)... Then when you're winning for yourself and know what you're doing, pack your stuff, plan, and go help. Your 'human being' is the most technologically advanced piece of equipment in the known universe; and you own it! See what it can do yeah! ",0.9884,positive,prepared 1296,depressed,Nightmares after the fact,speaker,1,"I keep having dreams of a girl, a girl I don’t even know, a girl I’ve never met. Every time I see her in a dream, it’s a loving relationship. That kind of relationship where you just feel so happy when you hug them or embrace them. That kind of happiness that just radiates between you both. Throughout every dream, my mind tricks me into believing this is real. That I’ve finally found someone I truly love, just to find that it was a dream. I wake up in my dark bedroom, tired and miserable as usual. Nothing has changed....",0.9765,positive,sentimental 1296,depressed,Nightmares after the fact,listener_1,2,Yup... Time to start looking for a girl. Don't 'settle' for people (it's not fair on that person) - look for what really gets you going ;). New chapter! Begin...,-0.308,negative,hopeful 1296,depressed,Nightmares after the fact,speaker,3,"The problem is, I can’t look at a girl without feeling guilt. I feel like I’m harassing them and my anxiety tells me that I’ll never have a chance with her. I fucking hate this feeling because I constantly feel lonely, but I know I’ll never be able to have a relationship. :( ",-0.8579,negative,ashamed 1296,depressed,Nightmares after the fact,listener_1,4,I would also say to try a dating site that uses intelligent algorithms to match you. It's been so successful with my friends (some of them truly thought they we're hopeless and destined for 30+ cats). The realisation of how many potential matched they found was an ego boost in itself.,0.9269,positive,impressed 1296,depressed,Nightmares after the fact,listener_1,5,"You have low self confidence, I have been in that position. It's difficult to not worry about such things but the tools are in your mind already and your have to build a 'belief system' (no religious mumbo jumbo don't worry). Ok, some possible helps stuff: Belief system is to truly believe facts about yourself that are valid: - I talk to people with the best of intentions - I worry for those I care about - I have had many nice chats with nice people - > some of them were awesome and had no issue hanging around me Side thought: [wait, why am I telling myself I suck so much??] - I can hike/bike/swim/game/chill with the best of them, and I've done it just fine Shit, I have to work... I'll finish this later Don't worry dude! Big hug, all good man. You're human, you're fine, I want you to feel up to what you are; I wish for you to find whatever you need to stand hopeful again. P.s. Check your posture; (Google) 'good posture' is free good feels throughout the day... Go figure huh! ",0.9966,positive,trusting 1297,depressed,tired,speaker,1,"im just so tired all the time. i dont want to get out of bed. i dont want to eat. all i do is cry, sleep or stare at my ceiling. sometimes i draw. school f\*cking sucks becuase of rumours. sometime i think of dying but feel guilty everytime for it becuase my parents think its selfish. i just want someone to care. i saw a person to help but nothings changed. im . just drowing in this sadness all over again and it hurts so much..",-0.9281,negative,sad 1297,depressed,tired,listener_1,2,Don't die.,0.4847,positive,questioning 1297,depressed,tired,speaker,3,i'll try,0.0,neutral,encouraging 1297,depressed,tired,speaker,4,"like average? i mean i live at a boarding school so the food is healthy and stuff but i definitely don't eat enough, and the right foods when i'm actually hungry",0.7311,positive,agreeing 1297,depressed,tired,listener_2,5,"Improve your nutrition intake as an experiment as well as drink only water. Of course, do some research in terms of what your body needs; maybe even ask a nutrition expert. Just drinking water itself is a good habit. I say all this because our nervous system and brain are interconnected: food is our fuel, and if our moods are mostly dependant on the state of our nervous system...",0.5719,positive,apprehensive 1297,depressed,tired,speaker,6,thanks i'll try it out x,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,speaker,1,"First off i would like to say that I have given up, and I don’t mean I’m suicidal. I’m just completely done trying. I married very young, didn’t have a way to pursue my dreams. My husband has turned out to be a person that I hate, and bullies me. I’d leave him but I’m just to fat/ugly/boring for anyone else. And to be honest, I don’t have friends. And I don’t have family (emancipated and ran) to turn to. That’s OK I’ve learned how to become comfortable. I have began to come to terms with this life. But lately it’s just been hard to block emotions. Like I usually can block out the name calling,general grayness to everyday and general distaste for life. But now a days ive been having a lot of painful emotions. Wish this whole having “feelings” had a better off and on switch. ",0.9306,positive,devastated 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,listener_1,2,"Sounds like he was looking for a victim. No idea where you are at, but, esp for women, there are org and places to help you get out. ",0.4854,positive,acknowledging 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,listener_2,3,Why would you assume she doesn't work? Just because she is a married woman?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,speaker,4,I’ve always worked a full time job. ,0.0,neutral,faithful 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,listener_3,5,Well thenrunning is easier,0.5994,positive,neutral 1298,depressed,I (F20) have fucked up my life so badly.,listener_3,6,"I assume if she had a job, running would be on the forefront of her mind. If she didnt, i can understand her being trapped and unable to leave",-0.5574,negative,neutral 1299,depressed,I’m stuck.,speaker,1,"I feel like I’m stuck in a depression I just can’t shake. I hate my job, nothing is going right, and I’m supposed to start my junior year at another university, but don’t think I’ll even have the funds to do so. I burst out crying out of nowhere and I’m inching closer to suicide, although I’m sure something would go wrong and I’d fail somehow. ",-0.9724,negative,ashamed 1299,depressed,I’m stuck.,listener_1,2,Please do not harm yourself. Can you believe that your problems are fixable?,0.3506,positive,questioning 1299,depressed,I’m stuck.,speaker,3,I’ve fucked up too much to fix any of them.,-0.6597,negative,guilty 1299,depressed,I’m stuck.,listener_1,4,"Leave some room for hope. I understand despair, but I still retain flexibility in my thoughts.",0.5106,positive,hopeful 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,speaker,1,"Right now i'm in high school (16 years old) and for about a year and a half i've been going through the biggest depression in my life. I've had a few small downs before because of my father who's had anger issues since before i was born. He'd been a little violent from time to time, but last year he snapped and really went wild. My sister was at the house when he beat me and she called the police. The whole story with my dad would take dozens of pages to talkl about so i'll keep it simple, i decided to give him a second chance if he was willing to go to a therapist and seek help for his own mental health issues, which he did, but he stayed in denial for months about his need for help and was even more angry than ever before. During this time i at least had the priviledge of being able to talk to one of my friends, who'd had a few problems herself that i'd helped her with. She never really offered any solutions, but i felt like i could talk to someone, and that made me feel a little better. Just the fact that i had so many friends that i thought i could talk to made me feel a lot better. A few months later, my father was doing a little better, and so was I. He'd stopped being in denial and i was starting to feel safer around him. During that time, the girl i considered to be my closest friend (lets call her Justine) asked me out and i rejected her. After i did, she villainzed me to all my friends, trying everything to make them hate me, and stopped talking to me entirely. Most of my friends didnt believe what she was saying. I tried reconciling with her but she wouldnt budge. After that, my father finished his mandatory therapy sessions and was back to being angry, but this time with a lot more depression in it, all while my sister was causing a lot of fights in the house as well, (her story is even longer than my fathers so i wont explain it). During all this i needed someone to talk to again, but thats when i found out that Janice had sided with Justine. Basically, i'd lost my 2 closest friends as well as my personal therapist. at the same time my mother was also pressuring me to help my dad while ignoring my own depression and need for help. i went to another friend to ask for help dealing with all that crap, a friend that i really trusted and thought would help but in the end she just got angry at me for not dealing with it myself. Now i'm feeling like i'm becoming more and more like my father, because of the way i handle problems. I get so angry all the time for the tiniest things now and i know its just pushing away peoplel who could help me. I feel like i dont belong in my group of friends, like i cant trust anybody. I need help dealing with my own problems but how can i do that while my mother constantly pushes me to help my father? And i WANT to help him but i have no idea how to dea with what he's going through. Most of all i just need someone who can talk to me so i can let all this shit out without being judged or pitied. Just someone to understand and hopefully offer some real advice instead of ""deal with it yourself"" or ""Aww that sucks"". ",0.9844,positive,sad 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_1,2,"i guess what i do i try and figure out what the root is. then i try to fix the things surrounding it. cut them off, one by one. im just the same. always snapping and just fucking depressed. girl i got you. ",-0.6901,negative,neutral 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,speaker,3,Well i think the source of it all are the people i keep close to me? I'm not sure how to fix that or cut them off ,-0.2411,negative,apprehensive 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_1,4,"what makes those people 'bad'? is it because they don't fully understand what is happening? do they need clarification? is there anyone in you can really trust? If there are things you can't fix, then try and do things that you enjoy doing. pick up a new sport, draw, listen to music, anything. really hone in on things you enjoy and try to make the best out of them. i think if your friends are tired out of you so called 'issues' a) they aren't you friends or b) go out. just hang out, go do something fun. go see a movie or go to lunch or do a walk idk what ever floats your boat. im also happy to chat if you want, bc i know what its like :) ",0.9709,positive,questioning 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,speaker,5,"uhhh, i dont know how to use it either i'll give it a shot",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1300,depressed,I need to talk to someone,speaker,6,"and uh, im also a guy dont worryy i wont send nudes",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1301,depressed,My freind is changing schools,speaker,1,So I go to high school and I've only been to this school for going on 3 years and last year (my second year) I meet a good friend of mine. We would awalys text and he'd give me advice but today I found out that he wount be going to my same school next year wich is terrible because we were planning on doing alot of things that would be mile stones for us. Idk what to do.,-0.4019,negative,devastated 1301,depressed,My freind is changing schools,listener_1,2,Well that really sucks. I guess the least you can do is enjoy each other's company while it lasts and maybe talk on discord when he's gone.,-0.0498,neutral,suggesting 1301,depressed,My freind is changing schools,speaker,3,We were planning on that and since he's not moving houses I'll go over to his house every now and then,0.0,neutral,content 1302,depressed,Thats just my luck right?,speaker,1,What's sad is when you don't even have phone signal in your own home to call the national suicide prevention lifeline....,-0.8225,negative,sad 1302,depressed,Thats just my luck right?,listener_1,2,If you want to talk PM me. I might not be able to help but who knows maybe I could. ,0.25,positive,suggesting 1302,depressed,Thats just my luck right?,listener_2,3,"\*hugs\* Best of luck, friend. Please keep us updated.",0.9423,positive,wishing 1302,depressed,Thats just my luck right?,listener_3,4,Thank you for updating.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1303,depressed,I am so lonely,speaker,1,Whats really the point of Reddit? Noone knows me and noone can genuinely say they care. This allows me to text what i feel but that doesnt really help much. I have thoughts of killing myslef but dont act on it because i have kids that need me and suicide will only end my sadness and depression but then they will gain it. I wont do that to them. But this loneliness is slowly killing me. There is so much more than that but who really cares anyways. Im tired of wearung a mask EVERYDAY. Pretending that im ok has become a natural thing for me. I get high everyday to mend the pain but i have gotten so immune to it that it no longer helps. ,-0.9852,negative,lonely 1303,depressed,I am so lonely,listener_1,2,You are a parent and that is all you have to be.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1303,depressed,I am so lonely,speaker,3,That is a totally awesone picture...super cool 😎,0.6771,positive,acknowledging 1303,depressed,I am so lonely,listener_2,4,https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/92t73o/a_montage_of_this_mans_beautiful_reactions_to/ :-) ,0.3182,positive,agreeing 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,1,"Alright, so I know I'm gonna sound like a horrible person in this post, but at this moment, I just.. I can't keep my emotions to myself anymore.. I constantly feel like this failure of a human, only existing and wasting the little money my mother has.. I wasn't educated enough for a normal high school/college, not helped by my pathetic 77 IQ and minor autism c': I'm a clumsy, awkward mess, and I've been.. Growing more and more quiet, convincing myself constantly I have nothing notable to say.. Its far too common for me to go days without speaking, when before I was a happy, social and just.. Talkative person When I was a child, my father fought a lot with my mother & brother, and once I grew around 12-13, started fighting me and being angry at me for all my faults, making me feel all the more worthless.. When I was 14, I fell in love with someone, but when I told him.. He committed suicide a few days later, and I still feel like its my fault.. At the same time, I was bullied a lot at school for my love of nintendo & autism, didn't really have any friends, and my grades were.. Just barely a pass cause I was trying my best Around my 4th year of middle school, the bullying finally stopped thanks to me going on a ""lower difficulty"" ( from OV3 to OV2, for those familiar with the belgian education system ) But when that happened, my best friend slowly drifted away and in the end left me behind for better people.. I was back to square 1, feeling too worthless to try and make friends.. After that, I just.. Drifted through my final year in that school, and then I ended up having to leave, due to moving in to my mom's place and her now living in the Netherlands Sounds great, right? Yeah, no- before this I was great at going to school regardless of how I felt, but around Christmas I developed Pfeiffer.. And I was too tired to get out of bed, let alone put on clothes & go to school consistently I basically didn't go for the rest of the year except for a few days here and there, and then I was enrolled into a different school.. Same thing happened there, I first went super consistently and had a great time, but I just.. Stopped going after a while cause I was so sad and tired I didn't even get out of bed cause I was so tired.. I just got up, ate breakfast, and then went back to aimlessly scroll through Kik & Twitter.. I downloaded Amino at some point and started to roleplay a lot, but since a few months ago I haven't used that app at all.. Only reason why I still have it is for easy access to my oc's, most of which I was praised for in the last months I used it.. I bought a Switch & Zelda breath of the wild when they came out, and while my life has generally improved a lot ( I actually get out of bed, put on clothes and take my dog out! ) I still feel like this worthless, pathetic person because of how much time I eat up.. I poured hundreds of hours into Splatoon 2, but I still keep on losing, and I don't feel worthy to play turf war anymore.. I grew a habit of ghosting on people if I messed up on some small thing or if they didn't seem interesting enough, and my time on kik caused me to become a lot more.. Well.. Filthy I guess, and I feel so awful whenever I'm hungry for it, even if its a normal, human thing.. I forgot what it felt like to be attached and genuinely care about someone, and while I'd love to fix that by maybe voice chatting with someone and playing turf with them, I can't do that cause my mother is almost always there, and I don't want to draw attention to myself.. Sorry, this post is a mess and probably doesn't make any sense, but.. Thank you for reading, assuming you didn't just skim through to the bottom.. ",0.1549,positive,ashamed 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_1,2,Was it helpful to write out this post?,0.4215,positive,questioning 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,3,Somewhat I guess.. ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_1,4,Feel free to post again if you need to vent.,0.5106,positive,agreeing 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,5,"I.. I haven't talked to my mom about it actually, cause I feel like I'm worth too little to even mention my emotions and that her situation is far more important then mine.. I don't have a therapist, and when I do go to the doctor my mom is always with me, so I'm too scared to ever bring it up, even if its really important for me to do so.. I wish I thought that IQ was just a number for me as well, but I just.. Everyone around me constantly brings it up, from my mom, to my brother, to some people that come here once a week in order to help us get stuff done, and I.. Feel all the more worthless cause of it, cause it reminds me how stupid I really am, even if I try to convince myself otherwise.. Thanks for responding though, I.. Didn't really expect to get any response ;w; ",0.5820000000000001,positive,guilty 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_2,6,"We answer because, although our situations our different, the pain is real. Your emotions and feelings are just as important as hers. No less. Why do you think her situation is far more important (serious question)? It might make it easier to talk to your mom about it if you bring it up with your doctor. See your doctor as your middle person. They are technically there for you and would be a safe person to have in the room so your mom can't say anything. She might be surprised and doesn't realize there is an issue. Telling her in front of a doctor might open up the discussion for next steps and changes. Get angry when they say that. Ask them what purpose does it serve telling you that? Does it make them feel better about themselves? I know it can be hard to speak up, but sometimes people say terrible things like that because they aren't happy with themselves or situation. It doesn't make it right, but (hopefully) they don't even realize what they are doing. The worst thing they can do is knee jerk and confirm whether they are terrible human beings or not. You aren't worthless. I know how that feels to feel worthless and not worth any time or effort.. but in the end, you are not worthless. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to. ",-0.9741,negative,questioning 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,7,"Oh, well.. Back in February, the pipes below us got stuck one night, and if anyone above us used the bathroom, it'll leak down here, through the sink and onto the ground. By the time we woke up, the ground was covered with water, and the floor had to be removed, and as a result we lived on cement for about.. 6 months I think During that time, her health plummeted, she grew a lot more moody, and just constantly complained about her situation to everyone, while the whole ordeal didn't really have an impact on me. She has thousands of euros of debt, and right when she thought they were payed off, our government pulled some.. BS and gave her around 8000 euros of debt again.. When she still had a job she gained a relationship, but when the job was over he became.. Well.. Obsessive over her, and now he drives past our apartment occasionally and just honks at us, though it was a lot more frequent then now.. It was during that time that I convinced myself my emotions are so irrelevant and just.. Don't have a good reason to even exist, and to this day I'm too scared to tell anyone how I feel.. ",-0.8023,negative,terrified 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_2,8,"Yeah, that explains a lot of how she is feeling. When you don't feel good, are in pain, or under a lot of stress people can lash out or be just as depressed. She might like to know she isn't alone. It isn't just her situation. It is yours too. For example, my brother was a drug addict for the longest time. Although I didn't suffer from the addiction portion, my family and I suffered the relationship side with the stealing, his own depression, ect. What I'm trying to say is, she is your family. You are going through this with her whether you want to or not. Maybe if she heard you were in pain too you both could help each other. When I get like that.. not feeling like I should even exist, I try to give myself existence. Volunteer. Reach out to others (like this) even if it is online. Find a hobby you love. Make lists of your dreams. Things will get better <3",-0.3603,negative,agreeing 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,9,"I.. I love video games, but its.. Difficult for me to share it with others, cause I'm too scared to voice chat when she's around, and the gaming community is non-existant where I live.. I like coloring too, but since I'm always in the living room, I'm too nervous to color cause my mother is always there.. The few dreams I had were crushed when school stopped, since I wanted to make video games, but I can't program, nor am I an art major so I can't make professional art :'3 my family convinced me I was too stupid to try, and called me foolish for even considering it.. I don't know, I just.. Feel like all my issues should take lower priority over my mother's, and I don't really.. Have any friends to talk to irl.. ",-0.3192,negative,apprehensive 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_2,10,"You don't have to be an art major to be a professional artist. I have friends who never went to school who are professionals now because they practiced and used youtube videos to teach themselves. You can teach yourself to program online. Code Academy is a great free resource that can teach you a ton of different languages and work on projects. You don't need a degree to make video games. Both of those awesome fields are based on skill and portfolios. Employers only care if you know what you are doing. Color for you. Put on headphones. It sounds like your mother is in her own world right now that she might not even be paying attention. Coloring is extremely therapeutic and relaxing. As for calling you foolish for considering it, I'll tell you a story. I had a boss that told me that I didn't have the body to run or even do a marathon. I used that anger to fuel me to prove him wrong. I pushed myself and when I was tired or depressed, I reminded myself that I needed to prove to everyone and myself that I can do it. I did it btw. I didn't do any amazing time, but I finished that damn marathon.. haha and it was painful. Use their doubt to fuel you to prove them wrong. It feels so good to prove people wrong. Think of it this way, if you feel like a burden to your mother, do something for yourself to get yourself to a point where you can take care of yourself. Whether it be coding, drawing, or what not. By focusing on you, your health (both mental and physical), and your dreams, you are helping your mother. If you can't get friends in real life right now, join a pen pal group on Facebook (that's what I'm doing). It's like traveling without moving some times with the things they send me. It's an inexpensive hobby and you just need to get stamps and write. Friends will come with time when you move into a social situation, and right now, the most important thing is to focus on yourself. If you need someone to lean on or talk to, come here. You can do this. ",0.9188,positive,impressed 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,11,"I um.. Thank you by the way c: you're an awesome person, and I'm really grateful that you're willing to help me so much.. Good luck with your brother by the way, I hope that he and your family will be okay by the end of it all, and I'm glad you managed to prove your boss wrong Honestly, thanks to me basically dropping out of school, I'm horribly inconsistent and keep procrastinating over online classes and the like, which is.. A hard habit to get rid of, since there's no hard deadline now. Its also the biggest reason for me to be slacking over other things I genuinely want to learn like Japanese, where I don't really have any motivation other then ""I wanna go to Japan someday"", which, well, isn't exactly a good reason xD ",0.9878,positive,grateful 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_2,12,"Anytime! My brother is doing much better. We're still healing, but better. The same will be for you. It's an awesome reason! You totally should learn Japanese. Get a Japanese online or snail mail friend. You can look on forums for that under Penpals. I think Reddit has a sub for that. Who knows, you may make a friend from a Japan you can someday visit! I hear you on the deadlines. What I do is I give myself deadlines. Create incentives for hitting certain points. ""If I finish one project or learn 20 words in Japanese than I get..."" It's ok to take your time. Depression is like wearing sandbags on your legs to a Sprint race. It's going to weigh you down and things will take longer, but if you document those accomplishments (no matter how small) it will help you see how far you've come. ",0.9871,positive,caring 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,speaker,13,"Oki! I.. I just hope I'll be consistent, cause other then random bursts of wanting to learn things, I don't really.. Pay much attention to studying? I dunno, I find it difficult to put into words xD I'll probably poke around reddit then and hopefully find some japanese communities that dont use kanji, cause I can't read kanji at all ( hell, haven't even learned all the hiragana, the most basic alphabet ) :'3 ",0.4775,positive,hopeful 1304,depressed,I don't deserve to exist,listener_2,14,*Learning Japanese/PenPal* [https://www.reddit.com/r/LearnJapanese/](https://www.reddit.com/r/LearnJapanese/) [https://www.duolingo.com/course/ja/en/Learn-Japanese-Online](https://www.duolingo.com/course/ja/en/Learn-Japanese-Online) [https://www.globalpenfriends.com/country/Japan\_penpals.html](https://www.globalpenfriends.com/country/Japan_penpals.html) [https://www.reddit.com/r/penpals/](https://www.reddit.com/r/penpals/) *Free Coding/Programming/IT courses online:* Code Academy: [https://www.codecademy.com/](https://www.codecademy.com/) Learning about Video Game Coding: [https://www.edx.org/course/gameplay-programming-video-game-ritx-game105x](https://www.edx.org/course/gameplay-programming-video-game-ritx-game105x) Google IT Support Professional Certificate [https://www.coursera.org/specializations/google-it-support](https://www.coursera.org/specializations/google-it-support) Learning Vagrant [https://www.vagrantup.com/intro/getting-started/](https://www.vagrantup.com/intro/getting-started/) Free Harvard's Intro to Computer Science [https://www.edx.org/course/cs50s-introduction-computer-science-harvardx-cs50x#.VNYLwvnF\_0c](https://www.edx.org/course/cs50s-introduction-computer-science-harvardx-cs50x#.VNYLwvnF_0c) Intro to Python Coding [https://www.udemy.com/pythonforbeginnersintro/?dtcode=c87yden3chsc](https://www.udemy.com/pythonforbeginnersintro/?dtcode=c87yden3chsc) Learn web development here: [https://www.udemy.com/programming-for-entrepreneurs/?dtcode=Bm7nrpl3chsc](https://www.udemy.com/programming-for-entrepreneurs/?dtcode=Bm7nrpl3chsc) Other free courses (Some I listed above): [https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/250323](https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/250323) *Game Design (some money needed):* [https://www.edx.org/course/introduction-game-design-mitx-11-126x-0](https://www.edx.org/course/introduction-game-design-mitx-11-126x-0) (99.00) [https://www.udemy.com/courses/design/game-design/](https://www.udemy.com/courses/design/game-design/) (11.99) [https://www.coursera.org/learn/game-design](https://www.coursera.org/learn/game-design) *Art :* [https://www.bigfishgames.com/blog/learning-to-draw-game-characters/](https://www.bigfishgames.com/blog/learning-to-draw-game-characters/) Hope this helps!,0.9728,positive,apprehensive 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,speaker,1,I guess I'll watch one of those shitty new star wars movies on netflix and pass out early. FML,-0.802,negative,sad 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,listener_1,2,"I only saw someone's playlist of major parts of Force Awakens; glad I did not pay money for it. I hear Rogue One is not awful, but Solo is garbage?",0.4382,positive,disgusted 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,speaker,3,Actually I think the last Jedi is fairly well written on my second viewing. ,0.2732,positive,impressed 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,speaker,4,"Yeah force awakens was not good. Rogue one is...definitely action packed so if that's what you're into it's ok. I haven't seen solo yet, that'd be really disappointing if it's bad though he's one of my favorite characters. ",-0.6368,negative,neutral 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,listener_2,5,"Solo is actually the BEST out of the new movies imo. I swear to you it’s definitely worth watching, the ending is more than amazing, but I won’t spoil it for you.",0.7721,positive,impressed 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,speaker,6,"Awesome, that's good to hear. Solo is cool af. ",0.8519,positive,acknowledging 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,listener_1,7,"Well...it's Star Wars, so something is gonna be cool. ",-0.3182,negative,acknowledging 1305,depressed,I'm too depressed to do anything today,speaker,8,Yeah I didn't really pay attention to it the first time I saw it but I just finished watching it all the way through and it's not too bad. I should probably give force awakens another chance. Although that movie was pretty cheesy at a lot of parts.,0.9087,positive,neutral 1306,depressed,Competition,speaker,1,I fucking feel so stupid. I feel like my depression is not depression and that I just need to suck it up because my issues aren’t as bad as everyone else’s but I always break down...,-0.6857,negative,embarrassed 1306,depressed,Competition,listener_1,2,"There's no need to compare your issues. You hurt. Maybe not as much as others hurt, but that doesn't really matter. Think of it like this: if you were in a warzone with limited medics, you will probably be put in the back of the line if your injuries aren't as severe as another. But where we are now with the mental health field, we have an abundance of therapists and psychologists. So many that we can pick and choose. One not working out? Try another. Everyone can be helped. So you don't gotta worry about the others who may be going through a tougher time. They're getting help. Just focus on your well being, now. ",0.8624,positive,grateful 1306,depressed,Competition,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1306,depressed,Competition,listener_2,4,"""The events don't matter, the damage does."" That is probably the best way I've heard trauma explained. I will have to remember that",0.6065,positive,sad 1307,depressed,Life seems to be going downhill,speaker,1,"College is becoming too much of a financial burden not only on me, but unfortunately my mother as well. My dad who said he would help pay, is sort of slowly taking himself out of the situation. And my job really would only cover my food and maybe books. I might have to drop out of school and then go into repaying my student loan debts. Im not really sure if i can pay for my next semester. But what pains me the most is that Im keeping a straight face through it all because I feel like this is my problem to fix and i hate to pin it on anyone else. I go to sleep with a heavy heart, and raging anxiety. and I wake up the next day with a cheery smile and a ""positive attitude"", so I can make it through my day without breaking down. I feel like a lot of things have just been falling through, but through it all, I am still going to try to reach as far I can. Because if I give up now, I dont think id ever be able to pick myself up again. Thanks to whoever may read this, I just need to get thoughts out of my head and on to something solid and concrete. ",0.8512,positive,apprehensive 1307,depressed,Life seems to be going downhill,listener_1,2,"I know this sounds cliché, but hang in there. Also, see if you can find someone to help, or even just listen to you. (Colleges have councilors, right? Dunno.) Best of luck from a fellow depression sufferer. ",0.6486,positive,wishing 1307,depressed,Life seems to be going downhill,speaker,3,"I might try the counseling service when i get back. But as far as my financial situation goes, my school basically says ""you're out of luck"". I'm basically too poor for college and too rich for financial aid unfortunately. So there isn't too much for me to really do except fill out scholarships and hope for the best, and work. ",0.9231,positive,apprehensive 1307,depressed,Life seems to be going downhill,listener_2,4,"OK, that's something to look forward to ;0) Keep filling in any forms you can, you've got to be in it to win it. Do you go to church? They might help. I'm just pulling up random ideas. Do you have anything you could eBay? Competitions! You're doing a sterling job, be proud of your efforts. Me'be try a bit of meditation before bed, to help calm you anxiety. Be well x",0.9398,positive,hopeful 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,speaker,1,I am depressed for several years now and i was wondering if some of my symptoms are common among depressed. From time to time i experience agitation where i walk around my room in anger(remembering some past humiliations) and moving my arms up and down violently). Half of my face sweats much less than the other half(I usually put some cloth on my face to collect the sweat and it seems there is always more sweat on the left side of my face),-0.9413,negative,ashamed 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_1,2,"Yes, I start thinking about people I resent and behave in similar ways: I have not been able to remove their toxic influence from my mind, but I am learning to 'talk back' in terms of adjusting my inner dialogue. I made the mistake of spending time with people I did not like -mainly because I am socially retarded and remain so as I near 50 years old. Someone told me to meet new people and create new, healthy memories, but I am still arguing with people I haven't seen in years.",-0.8448,negative,ashamed 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_2,3,">but I am still arguing with people I haven't seen in years. Fuck that, life is too short for that! Sorry to hear that you struggle with this.",-0.8553,negative,neutral 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_1,4,"""They"" are burned in; if it's not them, it's people I have created for imaginary scenarios. I have prayed to have all of those 'demons' removed, but no divine power has favored me.",0.0808,positive,terrified 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_2,5,"Damn shame you have to deal with this. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. I don't really believe in god, but I think he would tell you to use the eyes he gave you and do a reality check. ""They"" are not here right now, neither the real douchenozzles that hurt you nor the made up ones. You are actually free to move on, leave that behind you and live the life God gave you to enjoy. [The wolf you feed grow strongest](https://newearthenergies.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/two-wolves1.jpg), so stop feeding the ""deamons"". God wouldn't want that hehe. God is good, so he must want you to be happy and use your happiness to spread joy around you. I certainly want you to be happy :-)",0.9898,positive,trusting 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_1,6,Good points; brain still fried.,0.4404,positive,neutral 1308,depressed,Some questions regarding depression,listener_2,7,Good point well made. ,0.6124,positive,agreeing 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,speaker,1,"I’m back. I’m pretty surprised that I haven’t killed my self yet(So for a little snippet of information, I have bipolar depression, anxiety, and when I am depressed, it’s extreme and I get mad really easily.). I’ve been feeling more useless than ever recently, and I know why exactly. I’ve been hanging around a bunch of people that have a bunch of cool talents, and I can’t do anything like it. I can’t draw, sing, write stories, I’m not a good athlete, and I don’t have good people skills. I got a girlfriend recently, and she’s kept me going, but even she has talents that I don’t, and it makes me feel really shitty knowing that I’m not contributing anything to the world. I’m almost 14 and been feeling like this for about 4 years now, when I started paying attention to the little details, because my friend said that t would make life better, when in reality, things took a turn for the worst. I need help. Somethings just put me down, and it’s usually when I’m alone, but sometimes when I’m with people, I start thinking about ways to kill myself then and there. ",-0.5848,negative,jealous 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,listener_1,2,"You seem good at expressing yourself. I'd love to be able to just one two three write out what every I'm feeling without reviewing it a million times to see if it makes sense, spelling is close enough to get the point across and so on. It can be easy to see something in others your wish you were better at, but it doesn't mean they don't see something in you they wish they were better at.",0.9428,positive,impressed 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,speaker,3,"They don’t have to say anything, I’ve tried it all, and my parents have made me. I’m not good at any of it and I only have 3 friends that I actually talk to and express my feelings to, and I don’t even tell them the whole story. I’m considered a nerd and geek, and where I live, you aren’t accepted as much as the jocks or the “cool kids” and that just pushes me down more. Actually, I only really share my feelings here, and with my girlfriend, and I don’t talk about it much with her, because she has depression too, and I feel like I’d just be a bother because she knows it too. I just don’t want to be here. ",-0.253,negative,ashamed 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,listener_1,4,"Welcome to my life brother. I was depressed as fuck all my young life. I had few friends and as I got older it was even fewer. I had shit jobs and I mean shit jobs ... struggled in a lot of ways. But now my life honestly is pretty good and every day I notice it more. I still don't have a whole lot of ""friends"" but I have more of a support system than I could have ever dreamed (I decided to become a 1st Generation Freemason) a decade ago. Beyond that I've settled down with a good woman who loves me and although it took us a long time to be stable enough to get married we are now married. Both being a bit on the poor side we decided not to have kids and instead we bought a house we love (not that big but big enough for us and our two great cats) and are making improvements that we want. We go on at least semi- regular vacations and although we don't buy a lot of stuff and control our spending very careful we do enjoy not living paycheck to paycheck. Trust me and talk to me I'm happy to try and help, but know for many life often starts off pretty dark because you havn't had enough time to build your own lights in life. But that doesn't mean you won't. Keep you head up and in the right frame of mind, try to make decisions not oh now you feel today but how you will feel in 5-10 years or 40-50 years. Please pm me if talking can help.",0.9972,positive,grateful 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,listener_1,5,"Can I ask what ""it"" is? I seemed to miss that key point in your post my first read.",-0.1531,negative,questioning 1309,depressed,I feel useless in life.,listener_1,6,Oh please don't miss understand. It took making a concision decision to step outside my comfort zone to try to improve myself in how it relates to my social issues. Further more I after I went throw the stuff I needed to do to become a Master Mason I felt I still would fall victim of my anxiety and stop attending meetings. So I just myself further outside my comfort zone by becoming a line officer which as means I commited to attending every meeting (because I'd have a role) pretty much effectively for 7ish years. I'm now in the final year of the commitment and I'm the elected leader of my lodge this year. Its not a path for everyone but it did end up helping me a lot. As for talking to people I often find it many don't want to talk about feelings but some well and don't mind. I'd recommend trying to kind out that information of your friends and not tax those who are not emotional ready for such and instead engage them on another level while using the other type of people in your life to (even this community) to aid you in the other aspects of life.,0.9481,positive,apprehensive 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,1,"Since I started taking meds and seeing a therapist, I've stopped wanting to get help. Nowadays I don't want to take my meds anymore, I don't want to talk to my therapist anymore, I don't even want to feel better anymore. Just wondering if anyone else has gone through this or if I'm just self destructive. ",-0.242,negative,lonely 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,listener_1,2,Why don't you want to feel better? Why don't you want to take meds? Are you still very depressed and feeling hopeless?,-0.6011,negative,questioning 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,3,"I'm not sure why. One day I do, one day I don't. And yes, still very depressed. ",-0.7791,negative,sad 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,4,I'll keep that in mind. Thanks. ,0.4404,positive,wishing 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,5,I'll try :/,-0.34,negative,consoling 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,listener_1,6,So maybe the meds aren't working for you? I'm struggling with depression and meds that I find both helpful in a big way but with side effects that I hate.,-0.8126,negative,suggesting 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,7,Well it's only been a week so probably just haven't kicked in yet. I feel like taking the rest of the bottle all at once but then it won't even kill me and I'll have wasted half a bottle of meds. ,0.4779,positive,guilty 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,listener_1,8,"It won't kill you, you're right. But it would probably cause horrible pain and damage internal organs. What meds are you trying?",-0.9206,negative,questioning 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,9,Just Lexapro...this is all kinda new to me,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,listener_1,10,It takes a couple weeks to kick in. How long have you been feeling depressed? I've had to deal with depression for most of my life - since about age 13.,-0.7579,negative,questioning 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,speaker,11,A while but only realized it a couple months ago (I've been hiding it extremely well I guess) and I'm 17. ,0.0745,positive,ashamed 1310,depressed,Why don't I want help?,listener_1,12,Have you tried therapy? I started talk therapy a couple months ago. I'm not sure how I feel about it but I have to go in order to get to see a doctor. I get to see the psychiatrist next month. I feel weird about talking to a stranger about my life and I don't exactly see how it can help.,0.2544,positive,apprehensive 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,speaker,1,"I've been trying really hard lately, to just feel less depressed and to do more with my life. I'm unemployed, and pathetic, so I have to fill my time with chores around the house. One being cooking. I'm not very good at it even after years of trying. This morning, I cooked breakfast for my husband. Scrambled eggs. The eggs were both soggy and burnt. This pisses my husband off. He told me, ""Look, if you're going to cook SHIT then don't bother anymore!"" I felt incredibly hurt though he isn't wrong. I just screw *everything* up. I can't do anything right. Anyway, just wanted to write this. Hopefully, I don't get banned from this sub somehow like all the others. ",-0.8956,negative,disappointed 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,listener_1,2,"Your post is fine. Please post again if you think it helps. Also, probability is on your side in how you are most likely competant with some type of activity. Thinking in percentages helps me be kind to myself.",0.8934,positive,hopeful 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,speaker,3,"Thanks, I appreciate that. Sorry, I just feel really salty after some recent run-ins on here... I'd like some clarification though. How does using probability help? I'm not sure what you mean by this.",0.8195,positive,sympathizing 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,listener_1,4,"In terms of my own psychotic symptoms, I learned to evaluate perceived threats by asking myself how probable something/someone was truly dangerous. With feelings of rejection, the practice still works: It is unlikely/improbable that ""Reddit hates you"". Of course, it *can* seem like that!",-0.8016,negative,apprehensive 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,speaker,5,"My husband and I have been having a lot of problems, and we're both stressed out. I guess that doesn't justify or excuse his behavior this morning but...meh. It's a long story but I don't really have friends right now, online or off. I'm mostly just wandering listlessly every day. It's been getting harder to do productive stuff and improve, and I just feel more anger and resentment at the end of the day. Not sure about the equipment. I used a Cuisinart skillet this morning as I don't have anything else, and got it cheap at Target months ago. I've been getting recipes off the internet and watching videos on Youtube. But I will check out Betty Crocker.",-0.9396,negative,lonely 1311,depressed,Can't do anything right.,listener_2,6,"I understand the difficulty of making friends. We just moved and I’m having to meet/make friends again, and it is difficult. Get out of the house. Meet your neighbors, that’s the best place to start. Stress doesn’t excuse bad behavior. Bring it up, talk about it, or it won’t get better. If you find that you are in a relationship that is not healthy, there are resources to get help. Not having a job, does not mean you are stuck. Not sure what your relationship w your parents is like, but talk to them too. Scrambled Eggs.. my version 2 eggs 1/4 cup milk (If using grinder- 2-3 twists of salt, 1-2 of pepper) Mix vigorously in bowl with a fork. Put pan on med heat, melt 1/4 tbsp of butter. Just after butter melts, pour in egg mixture, having a spatula handy (silicone or rubber is best, no metal on a non-stick pan). If eggs start to stick to pan, turn the heat down. Keep scraping the pan w spatula, turning the eggs over. As they start to get fluffy, keep using the spatula so they don’t stick. When it looks like the moisture is gone, scrape them onto a plate. Taste.. add salt if needed. You can add shredded cheese of any kind, or onions, mushrooms, green peppers.. all can be good. Try at home by yourself, so no one can criticize. Cooking is like art, the more you practice, the easier it gets. But never assume it is easy on its own. I know plenty who can’t boil water. ",0.9727,positive,agreeing 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",speaker,1,"Its so damn hard. Finding a place to rent, food, job in this high unemployment rated town and trying to work things out. I just wanna finish it all somehow",-0.763,negative,hopeful 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",listener_1,2,> I just wanna finish it all somehow Are you planning self-harm?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",speaker,3,"I am in Barrie, ON, Canada. Problem is not I am exhausted, but this is one of the most unemployed place. I have huge skillset of writing, designing, technical troubleshooting, research, market, real estate. Problem is only job here are random factory labor or crew member at restaurants that are underpaid. Also I can only work, part time cause of college. Before this I worked at different good places, recent blue mountain resort in guest services while freelancing fixing cell phones. I have good references and reviews.",0.8575,positive,disappointed 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",listener_2,4,"Well I do personal and home tech repair myself. I'm not getting rich but I pay my bills on even a pretty small customer base. Before I worked changing oil, a job that sucks but a job you can always get a job in that is willing to train you even if the wages are low. Restaurant work sucks but if you can be a waiter in a place that serves alcohol (that raises the per table tickets enough to make tips based on % very good in general). Free lancing is always a stressful gamble but I'd suggest keep on free lancing while you work a shitty job at a shitty wage, to first provide a stable floor of income, and second to get better with dealing with people while also networking (without pissing off the company you work for) for possible new clients. ",0.3848,positive,content 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",listener_2,5,"https://ca.indeed.com/College-Students-jobs-in-Barrie,-ON",0.0,neutral,hopeful 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",speaker,6,"Thanks mate, I really am doing hard to save. I just hope better days come, honestly I dont have huge needs and I can settle with minimum thst is food and shelter.. college loan can be taken and later repaid by hard work. But what really makes me sad is how people who have jobs are not talented and don't deserve it. While we with skills, work ethics keep waiting for resume response. No, I am not jealous, everyone should be happy but world just seem unjust sometimes. I have been working hard since I was 16, settled up my family a bit and started for college for better future, and trying to start up something, college doesn't leave me time to focus. And being alone makes it worse.",-0.3652,negative,jealous 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",listener_3,7,"Wow, I have huge respect for you. Seriously, being so considerate about ensuring your family is cared for (and it sounds like your a primary supporter) and then working like a dog to further your education and future debt free. I'm sorry the world is the way it is in regards to finances and education. I wish it wasn't such a struggle to just have what should be basic rights, like knowledge and income. I totally second your opinion about being frustrated with unqualified people getting ahead. The hardest workers ""are too valuable"" to be promoted (i.e. usually a management team that's either too lazy or arrogant to the way a business should be run). It drives me nuts that shareholders run everything now instead of hard work, ingenuity, and an appreciation for their workers. Ah, honestly hurts my heart. Anyway, what are you shooting for in school?",0.9836,positive,impressed 1312,depressed,"Worked 4 months 60 hours a week to pay college fee, paid it. Gonna go back to college with nothing in hand.",speaker,8,"Tourism, also took liberal arts as secondary courses. I love exploring cultures, people, places, history and other boring stuff lol ",0.6908,positive,neutral 1313,depressed,Its getting too much for me,speaker,1,"This might be a long story idk, im just fucked up and idk need help I guess I got told writing out my problems would help Im 14 and its probably stupid but i just really want to just hurt myself or someone else idk in the past 17 days I went from solid groups of friends to losing my last one tonight and feeling like there is pretty much nothing left. As you'll find out there was a pretty fucked up situation I was involved in that has lead into this. But that partstartsin May I guess I should just start at the beginning of it all really. So in November of 2017, I was with a girl who I didi shit with, (like sex stuff) im not gonna go into detail much but well what I can say is we didnt have sexual intercourse but we did do stuff, it was fully consentual on both ends and at one point she told me to put my hand over her mouth to keep us quiet. This happened twice and I told my best mate, (im gonna call him Neil for the story bc he comes up a lot) and he was fine with it and never really heard much qbout it from him. We went on normally and me and said girl lost contact. Ill explain closer to the end what went on wi me n Neil throughout the months leading up to May that grew us closer and shit just made him feel like my best mate as like we knew each other since reception when we were 4. Before I tell the bad shit that went on in May i need to introduce a few people. Im gonna call one of my exes who the bad thing happened to Amy And mine and Neils mate who has 4 fingers ima call him Martin cuz we had a joke hes a martian cuz of the fingers. Me n Amy were always on n off from like 2016 but I liked heri really did, idkif i loved her cuz idk love, I thought I did its just how can I :love"" someone and they hate me in a matter of 10mins its not love if it isnt shared between the two of them I believe. But I adored her and I was too scared to fuck anything up and then we had arguments and she dumped me. We dated like 3-4 times total from Jul 2016 till Dec 2017 and then we cut off contact after a reallyterrible argument and we've never been the same since. I wanted to goback like that many times but didnt wanna risk losing her for 5 months again. That failed obviously but that comes later on July 13. Martin n me met early 2015 in year 7 and we have been mates since, he was quite close. Thats it really. Ima quickly introduce a few more people, Louie, Emma, Haley, Ember, Tjay, Kaley and Oscar. (Not real names) Louie was a brilliant mate but hes most important here so ill explain him at the end. Emma was Oscars bf and were together from Aug 2017 - January 2018 me n Oscar n Louie wnt primary school together aswell. Haley is Oscars ex we didnt speak much and thats about it. Ember is involved right at the end but thought I'd get her outta the way now Tjay is like the only guy left but I havent spoke to him since last week on Wed 18th July. Kaley I knew since 2015 but didnt speak to till like end of May/start of June and is now currently datin Louie Me n Louie were proper upset n shit at one point in Feb and we were with a guy, (gonna call him Pete) and he introduced us to weed and fuck me it helped loads and me n Louie were happy for a while. In June I stopped and Louie did in July. He was amazing best mate going, still is great, you're lucky if you ever get to be his mate. And finally I need to mention my 2 other exes, (Vlad cuz shes russian and Amazinly Bad, or AB, cuz shes the best and worst thing that ever happened to me) Me n Vlad didnt do much, end of June she got me knto smokin cigarettes cuz I was havin weed withdraw. We dated in January and it ended then. And me n AB were together from 18th Mar - 27th Apr and then 15th May - 5th June we had a huge argument and it broke me to pieces. That was the first real thing that made me feel as close to depressed as what I was back in 2016 but I kept goin. The bad bit now Me Neil n Martin were out and made an absoloutley out of order joke but we're just dumb teens who say shit. Its wrong yeah I admit that but they wont. More on that later. Me n Amy had like just that week made up after a 5 month period of not talking and hating each other, but we came back. Martin said he needed money. I suggested somet to do wi deep web and then Neil n me said we should drug someone n rape em n postit on the web. I know we shouldnt say thatbut we did, and Martin then said it should be Amy. I thought they were both jokin about the whole thing. Anyway before that, I need to explain how close me n Neil really were. Id been excluded twice for him, we'd both been in fights n i took blame. There was some absoloute twat on May 15 who was issues for men everyone I knew and he was beating on Haiden and I twatted him infront of pretty much all ofmine and his mates. I gor so much shit for that, almost expelled and Neils mum n steodad are pissheads. He was abused at home n I helped him many times, his mum hates me cuz I help him n almost had me arrested once cuz he was stoppin at mine n she passed out. She told police he had last been seen at 8 an hour before he set off out, but she saw him at 9:30 when he got his stuff to come mine cuz they were both getting pissed up and I wasnt having him there. He didnt mind me doin my weed and he was supportive cuz he knew it helped me. We had known each other ten years. We were best mates. Anyway, this is the part ima call my downfall. July 13: I was gettin pissed up n messaged Amy and told her about the whole joke thing cuz id thought Martin got serious about it cuz that Wednesday before he said remember that thing I was gonna do to Amy i might do it uknow ima bit skint and went on. But she questioned Martin n Neil and they both told her I was serious n she didnt trust me n believed them. And I lost her that night. July 14: Amazinly Bad messaged me sayin she still loved me n i hadnt moved on, idek if i still have. But I had told her about what I did in November with that girl who ima call Hannah for this. AB was breaking me all day sayin she loved me but we couldnt get back together. July 15: I get told by AB's cousin Ellie that she was sitting there laughing at me messaging her back telling her I loved her all day. She was using me to get a laugh. That night i got proper upset n wrecked. I did somet I shouldnt have dine cuz it's started an addiction. I started cutting myself all over, anywhere i could find just digging my nails into myself. But i was too weak from heartache to do any proper damage. So i just thought I'd waittill school the next morning. It was the last week before summer. July 16: AB and Emma were calling me a disgusting cunt and saying Im a horrible person and I should die. I then got told by AB that shehad laughed all day long and she did hate me. I then got told why theh were sayin all that shit. They were both spreading i sexually assaulted and raped Hannah. I fucjin began shakin in anger and sadness, i sliced my arm up and my face and left marks and shit. I messaged Hannah and she told me and many other people she was fine with it. But she told AB and Emma it was assault and a few others. I then started getting hit by Vlad and Amys other mate for the thing with Amy who is scared of me now. I dont want that I never did. I never wemt back into lessons that day, school tried to help i guess. July 17: Louie was fine with me and so was Oscar, Martin wasnt tho and neither was Neil. My other mate Fenton, (real name cuz hes a fuckin hero istg hes amazin) he fought someine who was chattin shit. And then he got put away in isolation. That was bad bc i had lessons for the rest of that day and the day after with people thag was spreadin shit mainly. Then other random shit got out likeI apparently beat a girl and I made someone overdose. July 18: (The worst day) Basicallyi recieved a load of shit all day and it was knocking down my self esteem bein called a rapist, a sadist, a pedo a freak. Gettin hit all the time. I made a terrible mistake. I got told couldnt go back into school cuz of everything so K went out to meet my mates. Reece (real name cuz he is also a hero) and Neil. I got attacked by about 15 people. Leading it was Emma, Ember, Haley and some random lad who began punchin n shit and i was bruised n bleedin n reece had tried to help but got pushed away. Im grateful he tried to help. Neil didnt, he walked away. I then got pulled up n they had knives n said if i didnt admit to rapin hannah they would stab me, they were all pilled up aswell so i knew they probably would. They threw bottles n cans at me and poured drinks over my head n kicked me. Tjay told em to let me go cuz he's datin Emma. My dad found out the second I got home, he jumoed into the car and went after em. He got arrested that night for nesrly hitting one of em witha golf club. I broke my weed stoppage and drank my head out that night. Hurt myself sm. Thats when Neil messaged me, he didnt wanna be my mate anymore and he wanted to leave me n believed i raped Hannah and said I should be locked up. That was my breaking point. July 19: Neil was chillin with the squad that attacked me, enough said. Im broken, Louie hasnt spoke to me neither has Oscar or Fentom or Reece, they all just ignore me, I last saw Reece July 29 at mine where we got pissed. No mates Nobody to talk to Last person left last time I give up Honestly This is my story, and its probably nothing. But its my breaking point. Im addicted to weed now I drink loads, i am now, im high I cant stop self harming. Idk what to do Im done, ready to give up.",-0.9995,negative,afraid 1313,depressed,Its getting too much for me,listener_1,2,"Stop self-harming. Speak to an adult and tell them you need medical attention. If you have no adults around, ask the police for help or get a cab to the hospital. Help yourself now.",0.25,positive,terrified 1313,depressed,Its getting too much for me,speaker,3,"I've tried. Adults have tried to stop me, I have seen a doctor. Idk if I can stop, if I do I dont feel right. My parents have tried helping. I cant stop, I have tried its hard. ",-0.276,negative,afraid 1313,depressed,Its getting too much for me,listener_1,4,"Ok I am talking about now: do you need medical care? If so, find help. Please keep trying to become stable; many of us have learned how.",0.8909999999999999,positive,questioning 1313,depressed,Its getting too much for me,speaker,5,Im in the UK,0.0,neutral,content 1314,depressed,i feel under pressure to be motivated,speaker,1,"my parents want me to fly high and find motivation to succeed, but depression is stopping me. i hate myself",-0.8765,negative,disappointed 1314,depressed,i feel under pressure to be motivated,listener_1,2,"I was just actually thinking that. The old adage 'a body in motion tends to stay in motion, a body at rest tends to stay at rest'. Ya, but, if u have depression, u have no idea how hard it is to get into motion. ",-0.8573,negative,neutral 1314,depressed,i feel under pressure to be motivated,speaker,3,"i feel like it, but i just want to be an actor, not be some stupid a level student",0.7063,positive,neutral 1314,depressed,i feel under pressure to be motivated,listener_2,4,"Would they be happy if you became a solid, working actor? ",0.6486,positive,questioning 1314,depressed,i feel under pressure to be motivated,speaker,5,i don’t even know anymore,0.0,neutral,neutral 1315,depressed,My depressed boyfriend is cutting me out of his life,speaker,1,"My boyfriend of 6 years has recently been diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, I’ve been trying to be supportive and there for him however he has now told me he wants some space and time alone to be by himself which I said I understand and is fine however he is not even talking to me. He doesn’t reply to my messages or answer my calls and I am struggling to cope. It feels like I’m going through a break up, like my life and our future is falling apart right in front of my eyes and I can’t do anything about it. I am trying to respect that he wants space however I still want him to know I am here for him, so I send a message every evening saying I love him and I hope he’s ok and night but still no response. I don’t know what I can do to help him, I don’t want him to carry on cutting people out of his life and being a recluse, I want to be there for him and help him get through this. Any advise? ",0.8859999999999999,positive,devastated 1315,depressed,My depressed boyfriend is cutting me out of his life,listener_1,2,Can you go over to his place and visit him if he's not responding to calls or text? That might be a good idea in case he is self harming or cheating. I hate to bring that last part up but that might be the case. ,-0.6124,negative,questioning 1315,depressed,My depressed boyfriend is cutting me out of his life,listener_2,3,"Yeah, that's a great idea. ""I need space"" ""OK sweetie, let me just show up where you are and get in your face, btw are you cheating?"" ... ",0.7096,positive,acknowledging 1315,depressed,My depressed boyfriend is cutting me out of his life,listener_1,4,"You're exaggerating a bit, it's not that inconceivable of a thing to do to stop by for 5 minutes for a hug and a few words of reassurance. ",0.4019,positive,agreeing 1316,depressed,Not me this time...,speaker,1,"I struggle with depression, but this is more about a friend. My good friend is struggling with depression and suicidal ideation. The past couple of days have been very dark. Talking about suicide and expressing that her kids would be better off without her. I recognize these as the lowest of low signs. I have begged her to check in, that I would take her, that I'd watch her kids however long it takes to get out of this hole. She's on the fence about going, but the problem is she's drinking a lot and I'm not sure what impulsivity could look like. She needs to go in. She's been in bed all day and doesn't know if her youngest has even eaten. I've had the youngest for several days but this morning she really wanted to go home and see mom and her dog. My friend has a nursing degree so I don't want to get CPS or authorities involved. What can I do? What should I do? I have another of our friends at the ready to go intervene, but I just don't know? Any advice greatly appreciated... ",-0.2562,negative,apprehensive 1316,depressed,Not me this time...,listener_1,2,"Your friendship is much less important than her health, and that means you have to risk proper intervention if you think she is about to attempt serious self-harm. There are children involved, so there health and well-being is more important than the ""nursing degree"". Does she have any family or a domestic partner nearby?",0.4767,positive,questioning 1316,depressed,Not me this time...,speaker,3,"No, nobody else. I'm currently in the ER with her waiting for her to get checked in. I think I knew what I had to do I just didn't want to because, you know, bystander effect. I didn't want to be the ""bad guy"". Either way, she needs help and now she'll get it. I told her I'd stay with her until they kick me out. Thanks for reading and posting. It's lonely on this side of the depressive episode, too. Who knew?! ",-0.5770000000000001,negative,caring 1316,depressed,Not me this time...,listener_1,4,Good to hear.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1317,depressed,I want to be a kid again (vent),speaker,1,"I want to have the time to hang out with friends again. I want to have the time to follow my dreams of being an artist again. whenever I get mad at it people tell me to grow up and move on or say ""It's just life"". I wish I hadn't wasted so much of it video games or stupid fandom wars. I wish my people were more accepting of my friends and hobbies so I didn't have to try to keep hiding them. I'm also upset that I struggle to open up about this issue; everyone seems to deal with it so perfectly as if they are happy to put it behind them. Meanwhile, I see people who do art, video games, and youtube living the dream life. Because of my social anxiety and busy schedule (Work fulltime, take care of autistic brother fulltime.) I can't commit to that. Even if I did, I don't know if It would cause more stress than the job I went to college for (the job I have isn't stressful, just boring and taking up a chunk of my week.) Even all I ever feel like doing is getting mad or angry - It's addicting it feels good. I want to lash out and get mad. I know this is wrong so I try to remove this anger through meditation or exercise. But it's not working, I can't stop getting angry until someone tells me to stop. ",0.7739,positive,disappointed 1317,depressed,I want to be a kid again (vent),listener_1,2,"Not sure how old you are, but never give up! Find a way to do one of these for an hour every day. Do what makes you happy. ",0.706,positive,faithful 1317,depressed,I want to be a kid again (vent),speaker,3,I'll try.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1318,depressed,"No, It’s Not the Weather, It’s My Life.",speaker,1,"Begin Rant: The weather has been great and that is not why I’m depressed. Mind fog is a side effect of depression and depression is a side effect of my reproductive disorder. BUT I’ve been fine for years! Now though, I feel it again. I can pinpoint a cause but I don’t want to admit to it. It’s partly missing my friends and family having moved away from everyone I love to follow my boyfriends career in the military. The other part is that I have gained weight and our sex life has suffered for it. I’m trying to lose weight! I’ve changed my diet, I’m more physically active, and I’m sleeping well. My reproductive health issues are mostly the cause. My weight yo-yos and I rarely can control it. But the way he speaks to me sometimes is so disheartening for disrespectful. I don’t even want to start on how blunt and unkind he is with his words. Love is a foolish thing. I’m partially controlled by the will of a person who lacks empathy for what I’m going through. But the way he sees it is that I should try every means necessary to lose weight. He’s not wrong he’s just an asshole about it. I’m done venting. Please add your two cents or similar experience. End Rant.",0.8340000000000001,positive,lonely 1318,depressed,"No, It’s Not the Weather, It’s My Life.",listener_1,2,"If you haven’t already, I would talk to him about how the way he talks to you makes you feel. It’s not healthy to keep the way you feel from your partner. In addition, from my own experience, you’ll only lose weight if you want to. Someone else telling you to lose weight won’t necessarily help you in doing it. My suggestion is to keep at it and maybe don’t focus so much on the number on the scale. Exercise often and eat foods that make you feel good! If you do want to focus on the scale though I understand, too. Some things that really helped me lose weight we’re cutting out soda, alcohol, and fast food. In addition, something that might help with both the issue of missing your family&friends and wanting to lose weight would be to join something in your area. Maybe there’s yoga in the park or pilates class at a gym nearby. You could meet new people and exercise at the same time! Wish I could do more, but hope this helps!",0.8652,positive,suggesting 1318,depressed,"No, It’s Not the Weather, It’s My Life.",speaker,3,I have spoken to him about it time and time again but it turns into him laughing at me and calling me sensitive. Which I have also addressed. Did so successfully last night thank god. He’s very stubborn and he is just naturally blunt in everything he does so I try not to take it personally but he needs to be taught that what he says is hurtful and can and will effect our sex life. Why would I want to have sex with someone who belittles how I feel when sex is an expression of love and appreciation? (Point I’ve made to him) I’m losing weight. I’m a triathlete and a swimmer so there is no lack of motivation. I just lack the genetic fortitude to keep the weight off. I would have to starve myself to stay thin. I have done that I develop syncope from it. (Passing out randomly) I’m not a pity party planner but I hate doctors and they have been no help through all this. I’ve been on so many different medications and every time it just messes me up. The. I gain weight from that and have no energy. I do believe a positive attitude can be the tipping point for change. So I’m just faithfully telling myself I’m going to lose this weight and keep it off this time. ,0.9438,positive,angry 1318,depressed,"No, It’s Not the Weather, It’s My Life.",listener_1,4,"Okay! I guess just make sure he knows when he makes you feel this way, it’s probably something he’ll have to work on. Also these are good things! Just remember that it’s not a “diet” or a temporary change, but rather adapting a new lifestyle that will lead to you (hopefully) being happier & sustaining that feeling. Stay positive and do things that make you feel good. I know it’s easier said than done, but you got this!! <3",0.981,positive,agreeing 1319,depressed,How to get help?,speaker,1,"Sorry, I live in the Netherlands and in seeking professional help. But the whole part is, they don't help. I feel so angry and afraid. I even moved across the country for seeking help. Because I want taken seriously. (I don't know I'm black, not that, that does matter) But right now I'm not feeling comfortable. And I've work, but it's not paying well. And I'm can't pay the insurance anymore, I'm seeking another job as I can't get help. But I struggle a lot. Because past jobs was also a hassle. What can I do to seek help? I'm begging it.",-0.9205,negative,afraid 1319,depressed,How to get help?,listener_1,2,"I’m not sure how it is in Europe, but where I live there is free therapy available at some non profit places. That could be a good first step if you’re losing insurance!",0.8612,positive,suggesting 1319,depressed,How to get help?,speaker,3,"My work doesn't cover Healthcare. I live in the Netherlands, everybody from their 18th birthday, needs to pay a fixed amount of euro's for Healthcare. If you can't do it for reasons. You are getting fucked an enforcement officer is coming to you. The whole part of this kind of bullshit is that I have been homeless forca couple of days. And the mental healthcare organization doesnt that I'm depressive, so yeah, I feel happy I like my life. Not thatcI didn't cut myself already and asked many times for help.",0.3517,positive,content 1320,depressed,I’m really depressed,speaker,1,Idk what to do... in really lost I’m still going to school despite not being able to find work after graduating junior college so I’m currently going for my bachelors. I’m 24 still live at home and honest to god I’ve been feeling suicidal. I need help I don’t know what to do. ,0.0276,neutral,afraid 1320,depressed,I’m really depressed,listener_1,2,"If you are seriously planning self-harm, then atleast see how transitory the future is and how it may bring you a long period of satisfaction, itself ingrained in your mind as a time which will come around again. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1320,depressed,I’m really depressed,speaker,3,"I appreciate it, honestly it’s just hard I always thought after graduating junior college things would be easier. I felt like I haven’t accomplished anything in life. Been looking for a career but have yet to find anything. Wondering if getting my bachelors is even worth it.",0.7717,positive,grateful 1321,depressed,i am stuck..,speaker,1," i know sometimes i am not sane, and i look totally crazy, but i never thought i may ever be depressed. It is only that i tried to jump from a 15 story building. i felt so bad, and went ahead to jump. whenever i reach the top of the building someone stops me from doing it. i feel i have no importance in life anymore, and i don't deserve to live. when my parents saw that i was trying to commit suicide, i ended up in the psycotherapist ugly office. i never wanted to talk to him, i didn't even trust him to tell him anything. he told my parents that i was depressed,and i believed it. now, i never have the opportunity to jump off the building again; my parents are sticking to me, and i made a promise for someone who cares about me not to do it. i feel bad now, i feel worse than before. i don't want to go to the ugly office again, i don't want to talk to anyone face to face. when i chat to anyone, i try to sound normal for them not to get worried or sad. i try to be the cheerful girl i was before, i try to make jokes, i try to make people i chat with cheer up, but i end up crying in my room after i finish texting them. y does the world want me to stay in it so bad? i am stuck in it for now :(",-0.9934,negative,ashamed 1321,depressed,i am stuck..,listener_1,2,I care. Compartmentalise it. Just take each day moment by moment and try medication for your depression. ,-0.128,negative,caring 1321,depressed,i am stuck..,speaker,3,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1321,depressed,i am stuck..,speaker,4,thank you for caring,0.6908,positive,sympathizing 1321,depressed,i am stuck..,speaker,5,"thank you for your help, I appreciate it",0.7845,positive,sympathizing 1322,depressed,it was my birthday yesterday,speaker,1,that's the 39th one in a row where nobody cared.,0.4215,positive,neutral 1322,depressed,it was my birthday yesterday,listener_1,2,Happy birthday! I’m glad your are alive and hope your are too. Try to find some joy and celebrate a little. Big birthday hug!,0.9723,positive,wishing 1322,depressed,it was my birthday yesterday,speaker,3,"eh, my knowledge of birthday ""celebrations"" is limited, no ones thrown me a party of invited me to one. as a kid, the day was only marked by being beaten more harshly than the usual daily beatings, perhaps new horrible slurs used for insulting. im neither glad to be alive nor in a hurry to die, ild miss my cat if I was dead.",-0.9617,negative,afraid 1322,depressed,it was my birthday yesterday,listener_1,4,"A cat is a good reason to be alive. I have 4, they are benevolent jackasses: Zee, Copernicus Gray, Phoebe and Gema. I’m sure yours will celebrate with a purr or 2",0.8859999999999999,positive,joyful 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,speaker,1,"I’m sitting in a bar, so high and completely miserable. I don’t have fun anymore, to preface my mom had a mental health issue and it took a toll on the whole family this year, I lost my closest friends because they didn’t care enough to reach out or ever really cared about my feelings, my other friends aren’t nearly as close to me as the others or care about me half as much I lost So much weight last year and gained it all back, I try and bounce back but find myself going back to how I felt. I just can’t have fun anymore or do anything fun, I feel like a shell of a person who only wants to smoke cigarettes and be miserable and go to work, I don’t ever really feel happy anymore and feel like life isn’t worth it, I’d never kill myself but sometimes I just feel so alone I wanna run away from everything and everyone, I’m only 21 and I just need advice on what to do or how to feel better, I feel like I’ve always been a depressed social recluse who couldn’t keep friends or have fun and people don’t like me, I’m rambling and I’m sad and I’m upset and I just someone to tell me it gets better or if it gets easier ",0.9922,positive,sad 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,listener_1,2,Hugs. You are awfully young. I assure you life gets better. Please stay strong!,0.9281,positive,wishing 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,speaker,3,Thank you so much this means a lot that you took the time out to write this <3 ,0.3612,positive,grateful 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,listener_1,4,I hope things look up. Time is a big game changer! ,0.4926,positive,hopeful 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,speaker,5,thank u for this ❤️ sending u love ,0.7717,positive,wishing 1323,depressed,Don’t know anymore,listener_2,6,anytime bro ,0.0,neutral,wishing 1324,depressed,I was in the middle of tieing a noose and my friends called,speaker,1,"My one buddy just bought a new laptop and an SSD so I was helping him install it and reinstall Windows. Few hours later everything seemed to be working just fine so we said our goodbyes and I went home. Upon getting home I decided to try and meditate and I found my self walking down that path, kind of just window shopping no *real*(?) Interest. So I have the rope in the S shape and I start wrapping it and my friend calls, sorta expecting it, he just wanted to make sure he was formatting his old drive properly. Not 10 seconds into his call my other friend calls and leaves a 1 min long voicemail of nothing, After hanging up with friend 1 I text friend 2 asking if he just pocket dialed me and left a voicemail. He says he did. And then says he's glad it was me. And he hopes friend 1 PC works so we can all play fortnite together today. I finished the noose and continued my meditation. I woke up again today but I'm still so exhausted.",0.8009,positive,content 1324,depressed,I was in the middle of tieing a noose and my friends called,listener_1,2,Are you planning on using the noose? Why?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1324,depressed,I was in the middle of tieing a noose and my friends called,listener_1,3,"So you just have ""thoughts"" about self-harm? ",0.0,neutral,questioning 1325,depressed,It is my 23rd birthday today,speaker,1,I am sitting in a bar all alone in a new city. I have no friends here and I have to spend 2 years with my bipolar dad here. He never helped me through my education and he still thinks that I am a child.,-0.5505,negative,lonely 1325,depressed,It is my 23rd birthday today,listener_1,2,happy birthday !!! hope something awesome happens to you today ,0.9114,positive,encouraging 1325,depressed,It is my 23rd birthday today,speaker,3,Thank you friend. This means a lot!,0.7177,positive,wishing 1325,depressed,It is my 23rd birthday today,speaker,4,Thanks u so much !,0.4926,positive,wishing 1326,depressed,Forgive my wordiness.. I just feel so 😢,speaker,1,"I am so sick and tired of almost every day feeling worthless and difficult. I know so many have it worse than me.. I have a lot to be grateful for.. But at the same time I am 25 and feel like nothing will ever get better. In the past year I found out my husband has chronic myeloid leukemia, I dealt with daily chronic pelvic pain, had infertility, countless appointments of doctors not taking me seriously, eventually found out I had endometriosis via surgery, and had a bad cyst rupture so I could barely stand for a month. Anytime people ask how I feel they listen for a minute then want to move on. Many people don't understand the disease and its toll on me physically and mentally. Also the toll of my husband having chronic cancer. My mental and physical health has taken a toll even on my finances. I already live in a state so expensive where small 2-3 bedroom houses can cost $600,000 dollars. I have a college degree and big college loan as a result, but not sure of my career path. I also have a lot of anxiety about pursuing new careers because I feel like I will be a failure and not catch on quickly. In the mean time I work part-time at a school job and part-time- data work from home. These jobs and my husband's job just barely allowed for us to pay our bills each month. Sad to say, we are both making $6-20 more than minimum wage per hour in our state, and still are barely getting by month to month. Summers are always hard financially because school is out, but this summer is unbareable because I had a surgery a few months ago that made my work at the end of the school year limited. Then my friend decided to plan a 2 month advance notice cross country wedding that we could not afford, but we went to anyways because I wanted to be supportive. When we came back I was heavily relying on my part time data entry job to help in the summer and make up some of the financial burden leftover from the trip, but then I got laid off from it. This month we are basically $400 short from rent, which is not a norm for us at all.. And I feel freaking terrified every day that my world can come crashing down if a rent check gets cashed early, or if one of our phones broke and we had no money to buy a new one. My car even broke in the spring so I have been carless for months. Some family members get upset if we ever mention moving to a cheaper city or state, as if they would rather us wait ten years just to afford a downpayment for a half a million $ tiny house barely scrounging by each month or never owning a home at all. As long as it meant we were near them, it does not matter how tight our budget is. At the same time this same fam always asks about kids when they know money is tight, I have fertility problems, and my husband takes chemo meds that may affect fertility, and yet still we are trying for kids anyways with no luck...because this may be the only time we could ever have kids. Every month I indure physical pain and my tissues getting f'd up just for the slim shot at eventually having a child. Everyone acts like oh there is IVF & adoption, but those are pricey when you have other loans you need to pay off and do not own a home yet. My husband and I have also been trying to work on 2 independent projects in our spare time to potentially help bring in another source of income, but so far it seems like all the hours put into it are fruitless. we used to spend together is often filled with work on these side projects. All our family & friends lives 30 min to 1 hour away due to city expenses and the job market, so I feel secluded from them when I really do miss a lot of them. It is like 90% of the month we don't see them, but we live in weekly loneliness + barely getting by financially & pay expensive costs just to see them 10% of the time. We drive out to others most the time as well, not a 50/50 type thing. I know I sound like such a f**king whiner. I do have a lot to be thankful for like a roof over my head & families who love us. At the same time I feel like I will never escape debt, never own a home, never be able to have a child, always be in pain, always dealing with my husband's cancer, and feel like each day is pointless. I feel so freaking alone with my fear, anxiety, and physical pain. I want to give all my cares to God but I feel stuck. ",-0.9929,negative,sad 1326,depressed,Forgive my wordiness.. I just feel so 😢,listener_1,2,Simple understanding of what we can control and what is outside of our power: an attitude worth cultivating. Family pressures to produce a set amount of kids? None of their business. ,-0.1027,negative,trusting 1326,depressed,Forgive my wordiness.. I just feel so 😢,speaker,3,"Thank you, psychforge. 💗",0.8126,positive,wishing 1326,depressed,Forgive my wordiness.. I just feel so 😢,speaker,4,"Thank you, Judging. I do have a few of those as well that could help. Like taking baths and a few shows. ",0.8316,positive,acknowledging 1326,depressed,Forgive my wordiness.. I just feel so 😢,speaker,5,"Thank you for responding & giving insight. I definitely struggle with relying on other people's expectations and even feel guilt when I don't meet them. Also the wondering so many what ifs deal. You hit the nail on the head (or however that saying goes 😝). I hate the repetitive cycle I put myself in with worry and guilt of others disapproving of me or my choices. I appreciate your encouragement to put less pressure on myself and to choose moving if it will help best. I really am considering it these days. My side is pretty understanding and one of my sisters has already moved. But it is hard because my husband's family is not ok with these things. I just feel it is really sick to live in a city ,or my case half of my state, where you can do skilled work, get paid above minimum wage, and still are barely able to meet basic needs.",-0.6399,negative,grateful 1327,depressed,Please tell me what is wrong with me. I beg of you...,speaker,1,"I am trying to be positive on a daily basis. But it's a mask . And i know it . If anyone reads next lines i can only say i'm sorry to ruin your day with this . I am 25, great job as full stack developer in a corporation, doing brilliant in my field .Bachelor degree in computer science. Living in a rented apartament with money growing at constant step. What could go wrong in this picture? Well me. I have no actual friends i can mark them as .Just people i know .I can't seem to make any. Can't put my finger on it and i am frustrated by it . On top of that , i never had a relationship. None, never (hence basically still a virgin which again is frustrating). I wouldn't know how to approach a woman anymore.... I've had crushes, i've told them that few times and all ended badly. ""you're a great guy, you really are BUT it's not mutual/ i am not interested / i am currently looking for this / i do not want things to get weird if this is not going to a good direction."" I've seen them all. Am i ugly ? i think i am not. And that is also strange. I've been told i am cute few times.Do i think i cute? Debatable... I like to make jokes, humour is my tool. Entire spectrum of it . dry, dirty, silly . I consider myself capable of entertaining someone with ease. I can cook, i am clean, i do excercise on a daily basis (although im few kilos above my ratio i am gradually reducing them ). I feel great as physical. What the hell is still wrong with me ? Everytime i try to make a first step it ends up in disaster and i return to a stage where i am questioning everything about myself . I am writing this because i do not want to go back to this stage. but i feel is innevitable. Most recent attempt goes like this. I have a co-worker, she is cute and smart and down-to-earth. We haven't really spoke too much. But walking by her desk i noticed a sticker saying ""batman will save us"" . I couldn't help it to make a joke by adding my sticker with ""No, i am not. signed Batman"" . This turned into a long list of mystery stickers we exchanged. Everyday a new ones were made. Day by day the stickers were more and more filled with innuendos. From me and her . Drawings of Joker and Harley Quinn ( she is a DC fan) in loving poses and such. Silly but i enjoyed drawing them . I came up front and told i am the person who played this game . She told me she kinda knew it . So far looks quite nice, right ? Well there's more . I spent nights thinking should i make the step or not . And how ? I chose to use my skills. I made a game for her . I left it on an USB stick with a sticker saying ""Run it"" . The game ultimately would spell an Ascii art saying ""Will you go out with me?"". After i saw her running it from distance, i took the usb back when she wasnt arround along with a sticker she made saying ""Processing this information.Level of perversity upgraded!"" and a nw picture of Harley Quinn in a very satisfying pose. MissFortune made the following day for me to not be in the office. Returning the day after i see a message on her desk saying ""I wasn;t done with the USB "" . Naturally i left it there with some more of my drawings . Since then i am slowly entering in depression .How the fuck i screwed this one again ? Did i really ? A week passed, no new messages from her ( i was waiting for her messages , it;s her turn afterall). My USB is still on her desk empty ( i checked because i come early everyday as usual). I can't get her alone, not for a split seccond. It;s always with some friends . And i see her , she is happy and vibrant. I am not part of her ""crowd"". I don;t even know those people. I see how the ""guys"" in her group are acting from distance. they are all playfull, taking her things and making her climbing on them to get them . I am more of an oldschool kind of thing. I couldn't do that kind of stuff. For some reason i consider it silly and i can't see how that would help me win her . I can only think rational and overthink this . Her crowd , her missing reply, her beauty, the thought of us not really interracting before is making me depressed day by day. Am i too stupid for even trying ? Wasn't this a good start ? Was it only for me? then why the fuck would she continue the messages and innuendos when she knew who was behind it ? To tease me ? To mock me? To help me see i'm that worthless? Since then we exchanged few talks along with mutual coworkers. She seems distant. Or is only in my mind. Going to present, i asked her if my USB is ready. She said this ""No, but if you need it , you can take it "". Fuck. Is it a good thing ? I am making scenarions . Since i made a program for her, perhaps she is making one to reply with . But FUCK ME ,will it be good reply or not . Why would she make a program just to fucking say ""NO"" ? Why is this taking so long ? What if she will make this program to say ""youu're great but no"" . why the trouble? I would choose to be told directly if is bad news . Really... I dont wan't pixelated fireworks to spell ""I will not fucking date you even if you were last person on earth"" Hundreds of thought ruin my mind ..... Is it a yes ? It is a no ? If she says yes , will she accept to date out of pitty because of my program and kinky drawings ? I am broken because of this . I am inhuman now . I sleep 2 hours a day now. Waiting for an answer since i cannot ask her in private at any cost . She is never alone . I always am alone . Sometimes i ask myself. Why do i even bother trying ? I can really see myself growing old and dying alone . In all honesty the purpose of this thread is to ask you people, what the outcome would be having this story because i am losing my mind and cannot judge correctly . I am afraid that a rejection will send me to a path of closing in myself for good and never trying this ever again . I am 25 and my time is running out. The older i get, the hardest is to find someone. So in my rational mind this has to work. Otherwise i have to accept that i will be alone for the rest of my life. And the question for this is . Will i choose to live a lonely life for a long time ? Sometimes i think how will i end it .Pills ? Jumping in front of a train ? Cutting myself ? Perhaps . Feel free to guess. Your guess might be better than mine, Also please tell me what i am doing wrong..... I beg of you ... Best regards, J",0.979,positive,ashamed 1327,depressed,Please tell me what is wrong with me. I beg of you...,listener_1,2,"I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time. I never had any luck getting dates or going out with people in my daily life- it's almost like they were too close to my life. But I saw other classmates or coworkers getting together and never understood why it didn't work for me. I'm pretty quiet and shy, so by the time I opened up enough to someone in my daily life, any chances for romance were gone because of the time. So I just stopped. I don't mean that I stopped looking for people I was interested in dating, but I took it to the internet. Granted, this was 6-8 years ago, so sites were different, but I found okcupid was a bunch of people wanting to hook up (it was free site) but match had people who wanted a SO (you had to pay monthly). Maybe this route would work better for you? One thing: the whole thing with the comments back and forth and making the program seems really sweet but it almost seems too much. It's almost something out of a movie. But things in movies are fiction and they usually translate into real life. If I put myself in her shoes, even if I really liked you, I would feel an immense amount of pressure because you spent so much time making a program to ask me out and just, I don't know how to express it, but it's just so much. Like maybe you're expecting way more than I could ever give and I can't live up to your expectations. I don't want to discourage you at all, because out there are women that would think it was a cute idea and wouldn't feel the pressure, but I think on average, you may be coming off a bit too strong. (side note: don't look for people at work, dating coworkers is a big no-no in many fields and can get real bad if you dated and didn't work out). Try to keep things more casual and don't have a big build-up to asking someone out. Try dating apps or sites and do the same, a bit of convo back and forth, not too much, and then ask if she wants to meet for a drink/coffee. It took me a while to detach myself when messaging people and not obsess over whether I was getting a response or not from them and if I hadn't, why? So many would go unanswered, but, it worked out several times and I dated a couple people over the course of two years. Both my now-husband and I were on Match, and he said that he had had similar experiences; lots of no responses from girls but he went on a couple dates, and we met, so it wasn't all bad. Dating is rough. Finding someone to date is even harder. Some people just have it come naturally to them, some of us needed to try alternate routes, but I ended up with the person I belong with and never would have found him if I only stuck to my day-to-day life.",0.991,positive,lonely 1327,depressed,Please tell me what is wrong with me. I beg of you...,speaker,3,"Well thanks ! Very thoughtfull message and i agree with you in so many points as my first pondering. Few words regarding this though. "" but I took it to the internet/Maybe this route would work better for you?"" -- I never thought on going on this road. Perhaps it's the rock hard abs and hipsters posing from some underground coffee shops profile pictures that would eclipse my honnest picture of myself. Not to be pesimistic but looking on okcupid i see many ""It"" guys lurking there so i would be a drop in an ocean at this point.If i would choose to go online I will not try to impress as someone i am not . Maybe i'm a boring clichee, but i really have an old way of behaving. I blame it over my childhood being mostly full of mature people and not many kids my age. Most of times being a gentleman 24/7 makes me feel better. until the thoughts of my inexistent SO comes back... but i'll really take it into consideration. ""It's almost something out of a movie"" -- is very real i'm afraid. ""dating coworkers is a big no-no in many fields and can get real bad if you dated and didn't work out"" -- yes i am aware of this. In IT field changing jobs is as simple as posting the availability online and phones would ring next day (it happened to me more than once in my 5 years of experience). If this turns out into a relationship/or causes issues i can always change job the next day if . (but of course is my last worry) ""I would feel an immense amount of pressure because you spent so much time making a program to ask me out and just, I don't know how to express it, but it's just so much"" -- i took it as a clever first step coming from a programmer to a programmer ( she is also a developer). Given this, she does know how it was made and the estimated time spent on making it . We had a talk about it also coding wise, as she was curious.And it took whole lot less to make than her time to reply. I did not thought of the impact on her , but since she works in same field i thought is a good approach. ""Try to keep things more casual and don't have a big build-up to asking someone out"" -- It's what i always say .... then do something like what i did now.... ""never would have found him if I only stuck to my day-to-day life"" -- well my life did not include her until the stickers part. We work on different projects but on the same floor. Me trying to date her was exactly my attempt to break my circle of people and try and date someone completly stranger to me. (but i do see her when i walk by) Am i too hyped about all of this ? Definetly. Should i change this ? 100% . Can i really do it and be cool about everything? I can try but deep down i know a storm is coming. Can't help it. and for that i'm sorry for what is coming to myself. Once again thanks for the message. It's always helpfull to see something from another angle. In retrospective your message kinda showed i am a creep (maybe not the best word, but i get your point) for doing all this extra work and expecting the world from her now and that i should lay off a bit if not for good. My intentions were good though. Edit: some spacing to outline replies",0.9272,positive,agreeing 1328,depressed,I have a top tier gaming computer and can't find fun with anything,speaker,1,"Give me suggestions for a game to play, I'm bored as fuck with every game I have, depressed and unemployed, can't find joy with anything I have. What would you suggest? Already deep into We happy few, witcher 3, FF15, Enter the Gungeon, and Stardew. Just looking for something new that might actual re-energize my love for gaming",-0.171,negative,questioning 1328,depressed,I have a top tier gaming computer and can't find fun with anything,listener_1,2,Removed: post is not appropriate. ,0.0,neutral,angry 1328,depressed,I have a top tier gaming computer and can't find fun with anything,speaker,3,Whaaaaat is that??? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1328,depressed,I have a top tier gaming computer and can't find fun with anything,speaker,4,"Cool, super inappropriate to ask for help in the form of video game recommendation, my bad",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 1328,depressed,I have a top tier gaming computer and can't find fun with anything,listener_1,5,Please post again if your thoughts are more in line with being depressed.,-0.25,negative,suggesting 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,1,"I feel like a loser and honestly feel like I haven’t accomplished anything in life. I still live at home , I graduated community college 2 years ago in the mean time I’ve been working various part time jobs just to make a decent income. One is retail, I sell at the flea market every weekend , I deliver food through door dash, I uber and Lyft. I thought about getting my bachelors but the debt isn’t worth it even though I feel like I missed out on the college experience. What can I do to feel like my life has purpose? I’ve been really depressed and getting burned out lately, very hard to find a full time job so I should probably move for better luck. I’m really lost right now and life and not sure what I need to do feel happy.",0.8551,positive,ashamed 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,listener_1,2,Don’t really have any suggestions other than: don’t give up! Keep looking for new experiences and ways to make money. Get a roommate and move out and you’ll feel like you’re getting the college experience a bit more. Good luck with everything. You’re not a loser at all. You’re a graduate starting out. You have a lot ahead of you.<3,0.9009,positive,wishing 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,3,Thank you so much for your response! That honestly did make me feel better :) it’s tough but I know something good will come along just gotta keep trying. ,0.8622,positive,neutral 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,listener_2,4,As much as it feels like you need a degree for everything that isn’t really the case anymore. But really the best approach is to find something that you love as cliche as it sounds this does actually work. Though perhaps I should caution that it is generally something that you have enjoyed long term as short term interests can be fleeting. ,0.971,positive,suggesting 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,5,"That’s what I’m hoping, it’s also hard especially when you deal with mental health issues.",0.34,positive,encouraging 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,6,"I know, I wish it didn’t, always thought it would be easier after I finished college almost feels like I never even went in the first place. ",0.7732,positive,jealous 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,7,"I made the decision to go part time while I figure out what’s the next step for me, thank you.",0.3612,positive,faithful 1329,depressed,23 almost 24 feel like a loser,speaker,8,I’ve always liked the idea of owning my own business. right now I’m just working/saving up hoping I can use it to invest in something even if it’s small. I’m currently seeing a therapist and been exercising regularly in hopes I get better mentally. Thank you so much. ,0.9153,positive,hopeful 1329,depressed,Depression,listener_3,1,"I honestly want to speak about depression. I hate how overwhelming depression can be and how people feel and think you can just brush it up into a pan, throw it away and its gone. Thats not how it works and it sucks. Being the person I am, i wish all of us who genuinely have a good heart that experience depression could actually be happy and non depressed and live a normal life. If youre going through this just know youre not alone and i hope the best for you and that everything goes back to the way it was, because for me, it hasnt and i wish it would.",0.418,positive,caring 1329,depressed,Depression,listener_4,2,"Yeah, we deserve so much better than this. I try to use my depression as a strength if that makes sense. I try to help people here on Reddit and I write a lot. It helps me and others so that’s good. ",0.9073,positive,grateful 1329,depressed,Depression,listener_3,3,We truly do and it sucks when we try so hard to become and feel better and still the outcome leads to disappointment again. I think the one thing that truly does help me get away from feeling so depressed is doing things i love to do and actually using up all my free time so i can kind of forget what im truly feeling! Glad there are others that relate! I want to see more people to comment and show how they get through it so we can truly help others,0.9609,positive,grateful 1330,depressed,Music is my escape,speaker,1,"I listen to the most depressing music while I'm feeling like this. I don't have an appetite. I just sit here and cry while listening to my music and i want to die. When i actually try to do it, i cant and cry more. I tried to end my life. Once in my car and another time mixing suboxone and alcohol which i almost died but didn't but i passed out and woke up shaking....",-0.693,negative,sad 1330,depressed,Music is my escape,listener_1,2,Are you still thinking about self-harm? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1330,depressed,Music is my escape,listener_1,3,"Please talk to someone nearby if you have excessive thoughts about self-harm. Everyone has a reason to live, but it might be obscured...temporarily.",0.1655,positive,consoling 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,speaker,1,"a while ago i met two friends who i genuinely felt a strong connection with. i could tell them everything, and they could tell me everything. everytime i spend with them felt like true happiness. i forgot my sadness and loneliness. but as time passes by, our lives become harder as we mature, and we slowly become apart from each other. this gets me so lonely, because i find that i am only truly myself around them. i have shared my darkest moments with them, and the fact that i dont see them anymore puts me in a state of loneliness. i've come to the point that i have relied on them for happiness and clung to them to a point that i am empty without them. i am quite productive in my life for the reason that i force myself to do things i have to so that i can reach my goals, but i still feel empty and lonely. as i write this, i think about growing older and losing all my friends. what if i become completely lonely, and have no one? i think that will be the point where i go truly insane.",-0.3402,negative,lonely 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,listener_1,2,Stay productive because it will likely put you in social circles with people who do the same stuff.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,listener_2,3,"What if being productive means you're tired bcoz of all the chronic pains? What if being productive means working with Dad who is very tough on you? Who knows you are on meds, but wants you to be tough? Driving a car with him drives me nuts... He's always directing how to drive, I end up feeling exhausted at the end of the drive!!! Any suggestions on how to deal with chronic pain and work, relationships?",-0.9496,negative,questioning 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,speaker,4,"thank you, this comment really means so much. i've recently taken a break from making art, just to focus on myself and my relationships, and i find that keeping a balance helps. thank you for taking the time to post this comment. i also hope you well in life, if you ever need to talk, im open.",0.8909999999999999,positive,encouraging 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,listener_1,5,"I work on slowing down so that ""being productive"" is balanced, or less likely to make me fizzle. Relationships? I just gave up on them. However, that is my personal solution. ",0.3182,positive,ashamed 1331,depressed,im relying on people for my happiness and i think thats why im still depressed,listener_3,6,The movie is worth watching. Some people hate it because it is slow with little talking. But I like the point it is trying to make of what people need to survive and whether basic necessities are enough. Plus it is in Iceland so the scenery is spectacular. It is on Netflix or Prime (can't remember which I watched it on) so it should be easy to access. ,0.7351,positive,impressed 1332,depressed,To those who may care,speaker,1,"Hi everyone. I'm new here. Just subscribed to this like almost an hour ago. The only thing I can say is I wanted to come here and share my series of unfortunate events. No pun intended. I'm a 27 year old man. I lived in Michigan all of my life. I suppose I can start with that. I lived life like any normal person. Grew up to my teens and then one day a harsh bitch-slap of reality hit me hard. I can't lie and say everything in my life is bad though. I've had some good luck, but it feels rare. I like to think I have great family and all, but I cannot talk to them about how I feel inside. I really don't want to be judged or thought of as something I'm not. I feel an overwhelming force of depression in my life. I've experienced so much shit in life, that all the bad luck I've gotten forces me to believe that it doesn't get better. I feel like any time I've ever had happiness in my days, it was taken from me. I admit I want to get help. I want advice. This is why I came here. I got on here tonight and I thought to myself ""I wonder if Reddit has a subreddit for depression?"" So I discovered this sub, which led me to talk and open my fucking feelings for once. Oh and by the way, yes I use foul language. I really don't mean any disrespect here, it's just part of my intricate vocabulary haha. I apologize in advance! So the one thing I can say I actually value so much is music. Music is something that's so powerful to me I can't even describe it in words. I guess I was born with that kinda gene, because I always found myself nodding my fingers or head to it as a kid. I grew up and I picked up the guitar. I later picked up the piano. I can say that both of them instruments helped my ass, though I lack the motivation lately to keep on with them. I've played them both for so damn long now, I can't even remember how long I played them. All I can say is that it's definitely been over a decade. It sucks to feel emptiness everyday though. I'm lacking my musical drive and it's making me second guess myself as that kind of artist. Now I'll actually share why I'm depressed. In my teens I wasn't the popular kid, but I was liked. I was always kind to everyone unless you got on my bad side. I was always the person who didn't take people's shit. Yes I admit I have that temper in me but it isn't necessarily so prevalent. I tend to avoid violence if I can because it's pointless. Again I'm getting off of topic, sorry. Anyways as a teen I did make quite a few friends because I was taught that kindness is a fucking virtue. You should simply be decent to people. After all everyone has feelings inside. In time I grew apart from everyone though. It made me sad. This sadness is the first effect of depression I'd encounter in my life. I felt a sense of loneliness being torn from my buddies. It fucking sucks feeling isolated. Now days I'm too scared to make new friends. I feel like everyone doesn't care and would fade away. I was always scared to let people know how I felt. The big reason why is because I'd feel like telling them really personal shit just provides them ammo to use against you one day. You can tell that I care about that type of shit being thrown at me because what can I say? It's a weakness. It feels pretty damn embarrassing. My love life, I dated a few girls but I admit, none compared to this specific woman. She was so much to me that I don't or wouldn't even know how to put it in words. She was so damn amazing to me. Everyday I shared with her, I knew no pain, no emptiness, no sadness. Not a single fucking negative feeling. She made me happy. I miss it so damn much but I'll keep this short because I don't want to bore you guys. This girl was the one I thought would never EVER betray me. I felt like she was way too good for that and one day she did. She tore my fucking heart away and now that led me into this new realm where I battle my damn head everyday. I wake up and miss everything about her and I ask myself why the fuck I wasn't good enough. I never spoke to her about depression. I did mention some dark things in life but I kept it PG-13 because I didn't want to bring her down. I was always happy with her so why would I tell her these things? Now I'm glad I didn't because I would've looked even more like a fucking joke. I admit that I already felt like shit in life and she was the final nail in the coffin. I basically realized that even the ones you thought you could eventually open up to fail you. After this I lost the ability to trust. I've tried so damn hard to date but I fail at that you guys. It's become so bad now that even sex has become null to me. I won't go way way overboard with details there but I'll say that after trying to have sex with females after the girl who was supposed to be perfect, I couldn't maintain an erection. I ask myself what the fuck is wrong with me, because it's not normal. It's not normal to walk into another woman's picture, have sex or try to and then you have to have that awkward moment when you can't even feel this connection with her. She asks you why you'd go soft on her and then I'd get hit with these statements, basically blaming me for thinking I don't find them attractive or some other absurd shit. Sorry that was a bit too much and as I said I won't delve too far here but in this department in this very paragraph, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I trust a girl anymore? Why do I feel like I'd be fucked over if I even remotely open up my feelings to this new said girl? Here's where it gets dark. I feel like I'm a constant disappointment to my family and peers. I always get told I'm way too smart to not doing anything with life. You guys, it's not that I don't want to be someone, it's that I lost my drive to be. Nothing really interests me because it's either not interesting or I just don't want to. I admit I'm lazy when it comes to a lot in life. Not physically lazy but like a mental kind of laziness. I'm a skinny guy so it's not like I don't do absolutely shit because I do what I can to clear my head. I go on walks, I hangout with my only two friends, I play guitar and I do what I can to not feel like shit. I used to smoke pot constantly, but at 22 I stopped because it kept making me feel weird and sick. My new slight addiction became Norco's and Vicodin. I know technically Vicodin doesn't exactly exist anymore and that they basically became Norco's. I maybe wrong but I don't give a shit to explain that science right now. I'm admitting that I like them because yes they do stop physical pain if I have it. I will admit that I love the high though. It calms me down and simply puts me in a very good mood. I'm not so addicted that I let them run my life though. Hell I had a script of them from a recent dentist appointment about a year ago and I finally took the last one about a week ago. I like to save them for mostly when I'm in pain but I will say I do abuse them at times. Not going to bullshit there. I feel like everyday it would be better if I didn't exist. I care too much about how people feel about me and I feel like I let them down. I went to college to teach the youth guitar and piano because I feel like in my version I could make that difference in some kids life. I wanted to bestow that musical gift so that someone may use it to get out of a rut like me. Who knows, maybe they'd even get famous. Something to make a difference to someone so that I feel like I contributed in life. So that I felt I had a damn purpose. Here's the fucked up part. I gave up. I was discouraged because I thought college was too hard and I'm very fucking impatient. Any class bored me to death if it wasn't music. I hate Math, I hate English and I hate every other subject because they suck. Not only did I have this disdain for any class that was non musical, I dealt with too much bullshit in my personal life alongside school. I simply was depressed and I couldn't focus. I'm stupid and I know. I'm a dumbass for not keeping that up and hopefully I can get my head straight and go back. I'd love to be that awesome teacher who people could look up to. I've thought of killing myself if I'm being honest here. I think of it everyday and the only thing that stops me is that I have people who care about me. When I'm on the brink of giving up I remind myself that I couldn't hurt my loved ones like that. I remind myself that I wouldn't want to make scenarios in my head seeing them saddened because they wouldn't see me again. Believe me you guys I think of all that but it still doesn't stop me from battling that shit in my head everyday. Just in life, nothing is certain and it never goes my way. It's like why does shit have to be so difficult? Why can't I be happy? Why can't I find and marry a woman who'd be the one where I'd always smile with? Why can't I get myself together? Why do I always doubt myself and feel like a failure? I have so many questions and I don't even know how to begin to find help. I guess maybe my first step was to type all of this so that maybe someone out there can guide me and help me. I apologize for this long story here. I know many of you had it worse and that's okay!!! I just hope you all can come above it like I want to. No one wants to drown in misery! Thank you for allowing me to share this post. I thank you all very much and I hope to actually talk with all of you. Have a good day and cheers! ",-0.9921,negative,devastated 1332,depressed,To those who may care,listener_1,2,"Identifying your depression is a very important step in helpeing to control it, so well done for that. I'd probably recommend councilling that way you wouldn't feel as if you were being judged or anything as the councillor deals with people in a similar position to yourself everyday. Also doing something you enjoy can help, even if it just occupies your mind for a few hours. Best of luck mate ",0.9406,positive,wishing 1332,depressed,To those who may care,speaker,3,Thank you friend. Maybe therapy would help. I kinda can't afford it though. ,0.8126,positive,suggesting 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,1,"I have been using r/depression for a long time. I loved the place. It helped me through lots of bad stuff. Now they basically blocked me. I got shadowbanned or whatever it’s called. I can enter the site, post and send comments, but they never appear, I used another account and didn’t see my messages. They have been trying to censor me for a while. Whenever my posts got big they decided to either remove them or lock them. They probably didn’t agree with my opinion. The thing is that I have been honest and always will. I have followed their rules as well, yet their censoring my stuff. They won’t give me an answer either. The place is probably too big for it’s own good and he moderators have to please their sponsors. It sucks. I felt at home there and now they kicked me out. A place like that should help me cope, not make me feel depressed, anxious, lonely and paranoid. A thing this could make someone commit suicide, being left like this with no explanation really hurts. Especially if you’re really close to that place. I tried getting some support on r/trueoffmychest and r/depression, but I got nothing. We are supposed to stand up for each other. They probably think I’m some kind of troll. Well. I have to move on. I decided to make my own little sub as a way to rebel against the mods. I’ll visit other forums and this place instead. Thanks for reading!",0.5427,positive,devastated 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,2,just continue from a different account ,0.0,neutral,consoling 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,3,I know. It’s not about that. It still sucks. The shock of being left out. I could easily just use another account which I probably will. It’s still no fun.,-0.6599,negative,jealous 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,4,hey dude reddit is just an app and there is boundaries to it. it is a place to admit stuff and if it is too over the edge a moderator will have to remove it. don't take it personally. ,0.2023,positive,agreeing 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,5,"I know. A place like Reddit got to have rules, it still sucks! I probably will. I suffer from low self esteem and all that. They should have said something. They won’t tell me why. Telling me why they did it in a respectful manner would have felt so much better than not responding.",0.2193,positive,angry 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,6,"they won't tell u why ur post was deleted, it was most probably deleted because something u said could trigger people and cause a big dispute.. just accept the fact that u said something bad and now it is deleted ",-0.5574,negative,neutral 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,7,just. let. it. go. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,8,"All I asked for was some support. Not critique. I know that you’re right, I wasn’t looking for that.",0.4019,positive,neutral 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,9,"idk if this is even fucking topic related, but I had this really close friend and I spoke to her everyday about how shitty my life is, she did actually help but what I didn't know is I was hurting her, and in a way I was taking my hate out on her. few months ago she blocked me and I couldn't cope. now I just smoke weed and chat on reddit, because in the end u just have yourself. ",-0.8435,negative,neutral 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,10,"That’s so depressing. I’m sorry to hear that! The same thing happened to em, thankfully we weren’t very close. I talk to someone who feels the same way, it feels nice ranting about life. Not too much though.",0.3475,positive,sympathizing 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,11,"yes, the best way to fuck up a chat is by talking too much. just keep it simple and clear",0.7184,positive,agreeing 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,12,Then it becomes boring though.,-0.3182,negative,neutral 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,13,exactly,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,14,I can’t have normal conversations for 10 seconds if my life depended on it.,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_1,15,I just push people further away. I don't even try. like I sometimes wish people could tell me why they do it but I guess Ill only know the truth once a gun is pointed to my head and I'm staring right at them,-0.5507,negative,guilty 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,speaker,16,There is a reason why. I have tried not using it. That usually drives me insane. I have to do something to occupy my mind. ,-0.4019,negative,annoyed 1333,depressed,I feel betrayed!,listener_2,17,"I see, well hope you get better man, you'll get through it.",0.7845,positive,consoling 1334,depressed,This sucks,speaker,1,"I just want to feel wanted. I put a lot of effort to talk to people but no one responds. These people call me friends but dont feel like so. Theres one person I really care about and try not to bug them, but I just feel like a burden. For once I want to be the person that they want to talk to. :/",0.4165,positive,lonely 1334,depressed,This sucks,listener_1,2,"I have high hopes for you :). I believe that you're wanted, and you are. I'm always here to talk.",0.4215,positive,hopeful 1334,depressed,This sucks,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1334,depressed,This sucks,speaker,4,I will take this into consideration. Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1334,depressed,This sucks,listener_1,5,Anytime ,0.0,neutral,angry 1334,depressed,This sucks,speaker,6,"Yeah pretty much almost 4 years ago incidents happened and pretty much left me alone. What remaining friends eventually ghosted me. But now I have someone who is pretty special but I try not to bug her too much, constant fear of them leaving. ",0.836,positive,lonely 1334,depressed,This sucks,listener_2,7,"Same here. I have a pretty special friend as well, but she’s been on a trip and very busy.",0.6808,positive,jealous 1335,depressed,I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life,speaker,1,"Sorry in advance for the extremely long post. To summarize: I'm 36 years old. My wife and I have been married for 10 years and are on the brink of divorce. I have a dead-end job, no savings, massive credit card debt, and no college degree. I don't have any technical abilities or skills and I'm just generally not particularly good at anything. I have 3 small children that I love, and they are the only things I have going for me at the moment. My wife has MS and was diagnosed years ago. She was previously working for her father. In 2016, just before the birth of our 3rd child, she had a flare and had a difficult run. I had to help her eat and bathe and she couldn't really get out of bed for some time. She got a bit better after our son was born and continued taking her medication. However, due to her deteriorated eyesight, she could not work. Her father cut her pay in 2017, so we had to scrape to get by and put a lot of things on credit cards. We were not doing great financially prior to this, so it was very stressful. She finally was approved for disability earlier this year, so we are trying to dig ourselves out of the hole that we're in, which adds to our overall stress. However, my wife feels like I resent her for not being able to work for so long and having to do everything for her. This is not the case at all - I love her and I have always loved her and would do anything for her. The fact that she could not work was not her fault and I would have done anything to make her feel better. My dad's health started failing later in 2016. I flew out to visit him one last time with my daughter in September of 2017. About a week after I got back, I found out that my wife had been exchanging extremely flirtatious texts with our plumber - talking about their tattoos and then mentioning that he wanted to see her back tattoos in person and how sexy she was. After a weekend of fighting, we made up, and she swore it would never happen again. She said that the only reason it happened was because she felt that I resented her for not working and that he asked her what she did for herself and she couldn't think of anything other than being a mother to our kids, and it made her feel like he cared about her. This didn't help our relationship. I was a jealous person to begin with - I've always felt like I'm not at all attractive and my wife is gorgeous, so when there is another guy she is talking to, I tend to get very insecure. A few weeks after that, my dad passed away. It was tough, but I felt a bit separated because he had been living across the country for a number of years and we had only seen each other a handful of times recently. I still had a bit of a hard time dealing with it, though. My step family didn't have a service for him until this past March, so it dragged on a bit. My wife started doing cross fit this past January. I noticed that she was getting closer with the owner, who is about 8 years older than me (she's 39, he's 44). She told me that she was going to a group nutritional counseling session and I later found out that it was a one-on-one session. I also went through her emails and found out that she was emailing him back and forth - nothing overly personal, but it did seem like they were very friendly, which made me uncomfortable. I brought him up several times to her and she would accuse me of being jealous and punishing her for what happened with the plumber previously. I continued to check her email and would see notes with her asking him if he was ok and that he seemed ""off"" at the group class that morning. When I confronted her about it, she (rightfully so) blew up that I was checking her email and said that he is a friend and that she was being nice and that if she is concerned about someone, she has the right to check on them. She mentioned separating at that point. When I brought up counseling, she initially said no, then agreed, but was very hesitant. She said that I should get psychological help because something was wrong with me mentally. Yesterday, she spent the day with my mom, whom she is nice to, but she gets aggravated by very easily. When she got home and the kids went to bed, she completely flipped out - she said that I don't help with the laundry or fix anything and that I just use my phone and don't do anything until I'm screamed at. This is far from the truth - I clean, I do the dishes, I cook dinner, I watch the kids when I'm working from home so she can go to Crossfit or shopping. I work overtime as much as possible during the week in the morning. On the weekends, I get up around 6-7am with the kids and bring them downstairs so she doesn't have to get up until 9 or 10. I do laundry, but I normally only put my stuff and the kid's stuff away - this is because she will never show me how to fold/put away her things to her liking. Any time I've asked her to show me, she just gets mad and says that she'll just do it rather than teach me because it will be quicker. She gets mad at me because on the weekends, I'll go to do something - mow the lawn, weed, etc... and she says that I should be watching the kids because the weekends are her free time and she should be able to do the things that she wants done. But, when I sit and watch the kids while she's doing something, she gets mad that I'm not doing anything , so I'm screwed either way. It just seems like she's always mad at me and that's not what I want. I just want her to be happy. My wife also gets mad that I don't do any home improvement things or work on our cars. I was never taught how to do any of those things and I am not at all good with tools or fixing anything. If our car breaks down and the gas light isn't on, then I am at a loss. I've just never been good at handywork. She then gets mad if we have to pay someone to do something because we don't have a lot of money. I think the thing she is upset most about is that we just don't have money. I believe that she wanted a life where she could stay home with the kids and do whatever she wants and not have to worry about money/finances. She gets upset that I am in control of the bills/budgets, but any time I have asked her to start handling them, she just says that I should still do it. Because I use a budgeting program, I track every charge, so she gets mad and feels that I'm tracking every dollar she spends. I see every charge, but I'm not doing it to track her. Anyway, I don't know where the two of us stand at this point, as she said last night that she doesn't want any money spend on either a therapist for myself personally or for marriage counseling for both of us. This morning, she told me that I could find a marriage counselor, but she was still extremely hesitant about it and has been distant all day. On top of all of this, I had a dead-end job where I cannot for the life of me get a promotion. I dropped out of college after my freshman year. I know that this probably saved a substantial amount of money in student loan debt, but I cannot help but feel like a loser when every single person around me (with the exception of my wife) has graduated college. My life is basically falling apart and the only thing that I have at this point are my kids. I love them more than anything in the world, but I love my wife, too. I just want everything to remain the way it is and I want to make her happy again. I don't want her to be with anyone else and I don't want to be with anyone else.",-0.7878,negative,ashamed 1335,depressed,I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life,listener_1,2,"It seems that your life is falling apart as you've been repeatedly subjected to various challenging difficulties that seemingly also crippled the support systems you would like to rely on, making your envisioned success in confronting these challenges to be seemingly ever-dwindling. First off I think one of the most helpful thoughts you can learn to accept, is that no matter how uniquely difficuilt you feel your situation is, support IS available. Having your voice heard and opening up here is a sign you're willing to accept things are in fact ""out of hand"" and that you and your wife alone cannot cope with the challenges. Realizing that you need help is a sign of strength, not one of weakness. However I think that under the extreme pressure you and your wife might be trying to propose conflicting solutions to problems that might seem untrusted by eachother (hence why the constant fault finding you describe in your efforts around the house and why you describe that it sounds hard for you and your wife to agree) This will undoubtedly make facing the circumstances even more challenging, and why probably a psychologist with experience with families/marriage counselling might be able to help you understand a better way of working together. Finding a friend/family member you both know well and trust to help you out if money is an imminent issue would also be a step in the right direction. It might be a cliché but no matter how isolated and beyond help life has had you feel, you're never the only one.",0.951,positive,trusting 1335,depressed,I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life,listener_2,3,"As far as I can tell, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not fit in this category, but The Rational Male is Red Pill community misogynist horse shit. We will not have that on this subreddit. If I see you mention it again on another post, I will remove the comment and ban you. ",-0.8982,negative,angry 1336,depressed,Today I learned,speaker,1,Hey y'all so I've been feeling pretty bummed out this week... I've noticed it's a pattern just before I get really depressed.. but that's not that interesting so today I realized that I actually feel more at home with my depression than my happiness... I hate it but it doesn't scare me as much as everything else in this world does. I've had untreated depression since I was about 8... I suppose I just know it'll pass now... Anyway just wondering if anyone else has ever felt like this....,-0.8052,negative,content 1336,depressed,Today I learned,listener_1,2,"Yeah, you're not the only one. I feel more content and comfortable being being depressed than being happy, maybe I'm just too used to it",0.7322,positive,suggesting 1336,depressed,Today I learned,listener_2,3, I feel the same way.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1337,depressed,Rough Few Months - Need a Place to Spill it All,speaker,1,"Things have been really hard for me over the last several months, today seems especially hard for me. I have a loving spouse, but today I can tell that the burden of my heavy heart is too much for them to bear. Posting here so that I can release some of the pressure. I am homeless for the second time in three months. If you looked at me, you would never know. I hold down a professional job in a well respected industry, always show up to work on time, and try not to bring my baggage with me to work. I went to school, studied hard, sacrificed so much to be where I am. Lately all the sacrifice and hard work feels like it is all for not. I look at those around me in my industry and feel jaded by their privilege and success or maybe more accurately jealous of what they have. I look at how easy things seem for them and I hate them for it. I am down to my last $20.00 until Monday. I know my spouse will provide me with the financial support and emotional support I need to get through, but I cannot ask for any more help. I am sick of being a leach, a pest, a non-contributor. I am sick of being the dark cloud, the source of bad news, and negative pressures in my spouse's life. I know there will be an end to all this suffering and challenge, but in this moment it is difficult to remember that. I want so badly to quit. To leave and return to the safety of home. I know I can't. I am too far in now to run home. I know I have to stay and reach my goal. I know how disappointed my spouse would be if I left now. I know how much I would regret leaving too. Thanks for listening. ",-0.9505,negative,lonely 1337,depressed,Rough Few Months - Need a Place to Spill it All,listener_1,2,Do you want share about why you are homeless?,0.3612,positive,questioning 1337,depressed,Rough Few Months - Need a Place to Spill it All,speaker,3,"Thanks for asking. It is just about lack of funds and some unexpected expenses that depleted my financial ability to pay for a spot to stay. I do not want to say more since I would like to keep this anonymous, but there are other exigent factors at play that make it much easier to become temporarily homeless where I live. ",0.8477,positive,devastated 1337,depressed,Rough Few Months - Need a Place to Spill it All,speaker,4,"As an update, I felt immediately better after posting yesterday. Just getting those thoughts off my chest was enough to change my mood. ",0.4404,positive,content 1337,depressed,Rough Few Months - Need a Place to Spill it All,listener_1,5,"Please update as you progress or hit snags: subscribers here may not comment, but each post gets plenty of views.",0.3716,positive,consoling 1338,depressed,His dad hates me,speaker,1,I've known my boyfriend for five years now. We've been together for two. In the beginning everything was fine but now it's starting to suck. I love him to death but his dad is constantly telling him I'm not good enough for him and that I'm not pretty. I don't know what to do anymore cause he's tearing me down. I love him and I don't want to come between him and his dad but I don't want to lose him. I constantly feel like I'm in hell because it comes between my mental health and my heart. I just don't know what to do anymore. Please help me. ,0.8234,positive,devastated 1338,depressed,His dad hates me,listener_1,2,"Terrible in-laws can make you rethink everything. Not sure how old you are, or what your situation is, but remember, if your boyfriend isn’t sticking up for you and working to change his dad’s mind, then he may never value you like he should. Talk to him about how it makes you feel. If he won’t stand up for you, then stand up for yourself. If his dad continues to be awful, and your boyfriend isn’t helping you, then maybe you should consider doing what is best for your mental health and leave. He may be the love of your life, today, but no one is worth the abuse his father is putting on you. And verbal abuse is still abuse. ",-0.9477,negative,angry 1338,depressed,His dad hates me,listener_2,3,Truth.,0.3182,positive,faithful 1339,depressed,I just want to stop hating myself,speaker,1," My entire life I’ve been a financial burden. First to my parents. Now to my husband. He says he doesn’t mind being the breadwinner because his job can easily support us, but I don’t fully believe him. He says he doesn’t see me as a burden, but I think he does. I work hard keeping the house and our lives in order. I work freelance from home but don’t make much money yet. My secret fear is that he wouldn’t love me if I continued to not make much money. My secret fear is that he doesn’t think I worth it. ",-0.3612,negative,ashamed 1339,depressed,I just want to stop hating myself,listener_1,2,"If he tells you he loves you regardless of how much you make, I would believe him. I would believe him as long as his actions don't say otherwise. If he was angry he would probably give you some sign that he was frustrated that you would pick up on. Even if he was frustrated, that does not mean he does not love you. Who knows, maybe your free lance career will really pick up the longer you have experience with it and your clientelle grows. I often feel like a burden too, but I try to remind myself that I can be helpful in more than just one way.",0.0685,positive,trusting 1339,depressed,I just want to stop hating myself,listener_2,3,Agreed! ,0.3382,positive,agreeing 1340,depressed,Birthday Depression,speaker,1,"My birthday is on the 22nd. The closer the day approaches, the more depressed I feel. I associate my birthday with a lot of horrible memories. My parents separated around my birthday when I was turning 11, I was raped by a boyfriend 3 years ago on my birthday, I recall a lot of stupid decisions I made while drunk on previous birthdays, my father doesn't remember when my birthday is, etc. I already feel like I'm not important and no one cares about me, but those feelings are amplified 100x on my birthday. It doesn't help that 3 weeks ago I was put on a 5150 for the first time ever. The psychiatric hospital was a horrible experience and I basically lied and said I was feeling better, but I wasn't OK. I thought this year might be different. I recently reconnected with my ex a couple of days ago. He said he was going to take me out for my birthday because no should spend their birthday alone. He's taken it back now and it looks like I will be spending my birthday alone. My original plan was just to go to work and go get super drunk at a bar afterwards by myself, but now I had that false hope and feel shittier than before. I just feel so isolated and alone. Sometimes I imagine how depressing it would be if I died. Who would even show up to my funeral?",-0.984,negative,sad 1340,depressed,Birthday Depression,listener_1,2,So you are not planning self-harm?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1340,depressed,Birthday Depression,speaker,3,Unless you call binge-drinking self-harm. I have considered it in the past when I was heavily intoxicated.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1340,depressed,Birthday Depression,listener_1,4,"Thanks, I feel obligated to check.",0.4404,positive,sympathizing 1341,depressed,Anyone else has the same problem?,speaker,1,"So the reason that im depressed is because i want to help everything and anyone. But i cant. but i want so badly. When i cant i feel so sad, after 2 years of this im so depressed. Does anyone else has the same problem? How can i try to get myself less depressed? Some help would be awesome",-0.9609,negative,questioning 1341,depressed,Anyone else has the same problem?,listener_1,2,Yes. I know this feeling. The body cannot carry out what the mind conceives of. What have you tried so far?,0.5147,positive,questioning 1341,depressed,Anyone else has the same problem?,speaker,3,Not much except trying to help the most people that i can.,0.4019,positive,caring 1341,depressed,Anyone else has the same problem?,speaker,4,what i meant by i cant is that i can't help everyone. im still a teenager :/ So i cant do much rn. i hope i can do rescue working. But thats so far away. ,0.1952,positive,neutral 1342,depressed,I don't know where to start,speaker,1,"My wife can't be around me for a day without getting pissed at me for something. We haven't slept in the same bed for over a month. I consistently work 12+ hour shifts at a job I can't stand. My boss is unreasonable about expectations and I've told him this, his only response is ""you can always work the weekend"". I would quit but I'm the only one who works. I've brought the idea up to my wife about saving up to take a month away from work while I look for another job and she just calls me crazy and I can't being doing dumb things like that with a family to take care of. She's a stay at home with my son and I get a few hours a day with him if I'm lucky. I just tried changing his diaper and he wailed bloody murder until my wife came to do it at which point he was calm. He always chooses to be with her over me. He will offer her snacks and if I ask if I can have one he says no (he's two years old) Whenever I do something for myself and don't spend time with my son, my wife calls me selfish and says I need to be a better dad. Yet she gets two hours a day without him while she uses the childcare at the gym and another 2-3 hours while he naps. But the house is always a mess when I get home and there's always dishes in the sink because she has to use his nap to workout because once a day just isn't enough. My body is falling apart. Back, knee, ankle and shoulder pains but I can't afford to go to the doctor. I want to eat healthier but by the time I get home to fend for myself for dinner, I'm too tired and just want something quick and easy. I'm writing this as my wife sleeps in my son's room. I'm rambling but this is more just a silent scream into the abyss. I have nobody I can talk to about these things which is why I'm here. My life looks great from a distance but I'm dying inside. This is the loneliest I've ever been in my life, I just feel empty. I think my mom can tell and she's offered to come visit but my wife says no . My mom's an alcoholic and she had a period when I was first dating my wife that she was rude to her and she hasn't let it go. Nothing I try and do brings the same pleasure it did before if I can even bring myself to do it. I love my dogs but I'm in such a dark place i just see them as another anchor holding me into this life because I would never abandon them. I just want to smoke but I get drug tested for work. I try not to drink so I don't end up like my mom but I need something. Something to get me through another day so I can forget what a terrible world my son is growing up in. I wish life had a redo button. ",-0.5668,negative,angry 1342,depressed,I don't know where to start,listener_1,2,jesus bro. keep fighting the good fight. if I was you I would just show your wife what you've written here. the weight of the world on your shoulders it sounds like. poor bloke ,-0.4215,negative,neutral 1342,depressed,I don't know where to start,listener_2,3,"WARNING: Long Post (part 2) . HOW TO EAT DECENT WITHOUT SPENDING MUCH TIME ON MAKING MEALS (3-7 MINUTE PREP) Regarding Healthy Food and being short on time....**you'll have to get used to eating bland**. It's the only way to adapt. I am depressed myself, so I don't have much energy to put into cooking extravagant stuff. **Here's how you can quickly make calorie dense meals:** . *SUPER QUICK meal appraoch if you REALLY don't have time.* A. Pea Protein Drink (takes 30 seconds to mix. Put one scoop into water, add some stevia drops, mix) an avacado, a banana, handful of almonds, and a few baby carrots In total are about 500+ kcal of a meal and it's all healthy. B. One whole can of beans is always 300-500 calories. You can just dump a whole can into a colander, rinse thoroughly (to get excess salt out of there), and eat it. Not THE healthiest option, but it's better than processed stuff. If possible, buy the BPA free cans. Find the 100 kcal foods (apples, oranges, Bananas, nuts), and think in regards to ""handfuls""...Having two handful of baby carrots, 3 handfuls of nuts of some sort, for example. ..a lot less overwhelming that way. ***So, you might say ..""Ok..I need to eat three meals today..if I have 3 handfuls of nuts, one handful of baby carrots, one 100 calorie fruit, and some pea protein for each meal at minimum, that should hold me"".*** It's a lot less overwhelming to think of it practically that way. . TO GET SOME VEGETABLES IN QUICKLY WITHOUT SPENDING TONS OF TIME COOKING B. Put water into pot, turn stove to high heat, heat up to biol. While water heats up, chop up 2 or 3 veggies. It takes literally about 2 minutes or so. Choose two vegetables, chop 'em up. When the water is boiling, toss the veggies in for 3 minutes, and you're good. Just pour into colander and you've got A nice serving of vegetables for yourself. . REGARDING YOU AND YOUR WIFE Sounds like there's really two things going on.... 1. Your wife has tons of thoughts about this whole situation, too. 2. You haven't really been open yet with her about how you REALLY feel about everything that's happening. **For example, if she has the audacity to call you selfish beacause you spend time on your own, then she doesn't really understand how much pain you're in..and how exhausted you are from work. And if she STILL would think you're selfish after understanding that, she is a horrible wife and again...you might have to think about breaking up the marriage.** . WHAT TO DO: 1. Ask her ""How"" and ""What"" questions about everything going on..Get into how she feels...and reflect what she's saying by paraphrasing everything she says. **It works like a charm.** So if she's like ""I just feel like you're really selfish.""...do NOT say ""why do you think that??!""..Instead, say ""Ok..so you feel that I'm really selfish for spending time on my own, right? Can you explain that more?"" 2. Just really get into how she's feeling about life. You'll find something that is grating her sanity, I'd be willing to bet. If she's just spoiled, you'll find out this way, too. **If she's just being horrible to you, you'll find out through your empathy. This will empower you to make the right decision for yourself in the marriage, or give you rational ground to address her disrespectful attitude towards you.** . 3. After you've listened to her, ask her if you can share how you've been feeling....Just two rules: 1) ASSURE HER she isn't to blame for how you feel...Address everything as a partnership and a collaboration to find a solution together. 2) Be honest about the BIG picture feelings. Not the symptoms. So for example, don't start with how hurt you feel by your son favoring her over you...start by just telling her...**""As a whole, right now, I honestly feel really exhausted and I'm in a lot of physical pain. It's really affecting my ability to function, and I don't want that to happen. I care about you"". Then get into the details.** . See what happens from there. . You mentioned your mom being an alcoholic...I think your ability to process all that will be better after you are real open with your wife about how you feel in the big picture of things. . PS: You aren't asking her how she feels first because she is right to act the way she does (neglecting the home stuff, etc.). You're asking her how she feels first so that she can let off some stress, and she will listen to YOU more when it's your turn to talk :) ",0.9547,positive,prepared 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,speaker,1,"I’m going through a tough time in my life, my grades are slipping, i feel as though my friends are really my friends just fake friends, and im always at a constant fear for losing them, i play games way too much, i know i have to pick myself up but i just can’t seem to do it. My parents worked so hard to get me to this position and i feel like i’m throwing it all away, i feel like im letting them down because they sacrificed everything to get me here. I just got in trouble for skipping school for a few days, and my parents are mad at me and this isn’t the first time its happened, i’ve been trying for 3 years to quit gaming but every time i come back to it, people consider me a prodigy in csgo but i just can’t fucking deal with my parents, they want me to quit gaming and focus on grades and apart of me wants to but a huge portion of me loves gaming and i must admit its an addiction, i spend 4-6 hours a day just playing csgo. Its absolutely driving me insane how im “wasting” precious, valuable time on games while i know my parents are disapproving of my every action. I’m crying out for a life line, from the outside my life too looks perfect, i have lots of “friends”, i could be considered to be the cool kid and i am confident. But its just driving me insane. It feels good to just write out whats going on in my chaotic life.",0.9657,positive,guilty 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,listener_1,2,"It's ok to go through tough times but don't let these ""fails"" controll or take over you. Your past mistakes does NOT define what you want to do now or in the future. It's time for you to clutch your life - just as you clutch that 1v5 in csgo. I have some advice that might help you get started and prepared, I hope. * Have a physical schedule- Buy a simple schedule with dates and space to write stuff on. Write down for each day a small goal/task to do. Having an essay that is due in two weeks? Write down how many pages/words you want to write for each day. Is there a test coming up next month? Write down how many pages you need to read each day or how many equations you need to solve each day etc. Have trouble understanding a topic? Plan on how to tackle that topic in your schedule. Basically, time management and planning is key. Here you can even write down how many hours you will allow yourself to play games each day or, do it like I did, only play games on weekends including friday if you've done good this week. This way the gaming sessions become more like a ""reward"" for doing all the ""boring"" stuff on the weekdays. It takes time to get used to this schedule but keep at it, get on routine and you will get used to it eventually. * Do some exercise (if you're not already doing it)- This is not only to make you look better but also feel better. Exercising REALLY helps clearing your head I promise. Find a nice route in the woods or similar and go for a jog or a bike ride if that's what you prefer - it does not matter, as long as its exercise. * Talk to your parents- This might be the hardest thing to do but your parents love you. Talk about your situation and how you would like them to support you in the future. I hope these advices will help you or at least give you some type of guidance. Keep on grinding my friend. Send me a Pm if you ever want to ask anything or just talk. Best of luck! Edit: English is not my native language, sorry for any potential gibberish.",0.9981,positive,prepared 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,listener_2,3,"I agree. If writing down stuff doesn’t help. Use the calendar on your phone to send you alerts, Wunderlist app for checklists, or Habitica is like a little video game for improving habits..really cool! Getting alerts is really helpful to me because i lose track of time realllly easily. I also use dry-erase boards for studying and a physical calendar that is big and that I can alter. Also! Whilst you’re scheduling time for studying, schedule some time with your parents and friends. Good luck and don’t give up! You’re not alone. Most people struggle with time management and indulging in their favorite a activities. It’s totally okay to enjoy games, you should-but make it a fun reward to yourself so that you can enjoy it instead of using it to evade your responsibilities. 🍀💕",0.9927,positive,agreeing 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,speaker,4,Dude i can’t thank you enough i really needed that. ❤️❤️,0.3612,positive,grateful 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,listener_1,5,"No worries man! As I said it can be hard to follow the tasks on the schedule so make smaller tasks for each day. Use a green marker to mark every completed task. That fully green schedule will be satisfying to observe or to remind you to start doing the tasks if most of them are still blanks. But even then, don't give up. <3",0.4133,positive,questioning 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,speaker,6,"I really want to persue a career in gaming cause im insanely good at the game, like its too easy for me. But i dont want to have to severe the relationship between me and my parents.",0.055,positive,apprehensive 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,speaker,7,"True, i’m somewhat ignorant. I can say that with no hesitation. Ty for the advice",0.1588,positive,agreeing 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,listener_2,8,Good thing about ignorance is that you can always learn more ways to cope with the hardships in life. Everyone has a trick or a skill because everyone deals with it. ,0.0516,positive,proud 1343,depressed,If you have any advice... please,speaker,9,"I would like to try but i’m only 14 i can’t stream yet, i don’t feel like putting myself out there on youtube, and i already make good money off of tournaments and i don’t wanna end up like McSkillet. I just don’t know what to do, my goal is to go pro, but my parents are asian and they don’t understand how gaming can make you a living. They were proud of me when i won my first tournament cause i got money from that but since that the support hasn’t been there and i feel like they are judging my every move, and i don’t wanna severe my connection with them cause i know they are loving wholesome people, and because of this i’ve been underperforming in my team, and my team’s playstyle is built around me and i feel like i’m letting my team mates down.",0.9875,positive,apprehensive 1344,depressed,Enjoy being depressed?,speaker,1,"I feel like I've been depressed for over a year now. It went from being stuck in a loop of failing my final exams to finally qualifying in my job and working at a great position in the industry. However I still feel like shit, even if I'm doing better than most my age. The struggle I have is I think I enjoy being depressed, it's like I seek it out through avenues, whether it's listening to sad music/films. I can identify when I'm starting to feel bad but I actively seek the options to feel worse. Wondering if others go through the same..",-0.6757,negative,sad 1344,depressed,Enjoy being depressed?,listener_1,2,"I call it ""self-cannibalism"" in how I feed on memories/feelings. Another term: ""prosthetic emotions"" related to certain music which gives me access to feelings I might not have.",0.2732,positive,sentimental 1344,depressed,Enjoy being depressed?,speaker,3,"I think that's pretty close to how I feel. Like you say, I also have good days where I feel 'normal' but as soon as I start to think negatively I actively spiral downwards",0.775,positive,sad 1344,depressed,Enjoy being depressed?,listener_2,4,"I can relate to you so much. Feel the same. Somehow I just have to think bad of myself, have to get depressed. ",-0.7783,negative,agreeing 1344,depressed,help,listener_3,1,"alright so im an 18 year old guy. been depressed for about 2 years now. i dont know how to get out of it. it seems like everything bad that happens in my life never leaves my brain but all of the good shit goes out the window within seconds. im stuck feeling this way. its almost like my mind likes it. i really want to be happy but i just dont know how to be happy anymore.. an example is my last relationship. i was dating this girl for 7 months. i spilled my heart out to her and i loved her so much. she was the only thing that could make me happy. we were going great and i was actually enjoying life. on the day of our 7 months i found out she was cheating on me for who knows how long with her ex. i know it sounds silly and childish but this shit eats me alive. she still has my heart. i have not been the same since that day. i think about her everyday. every second. i love her. everything about her. i miss all the times i had with her. i miss me. i have tried a lot of things to get depression out of my life. some good some bad. ive tried drugs, therapy, all kinds of things. it just seems like nothing works. the only time i feel okay is when im asleep or really fucked up off of something. i hate myself now. i hate what i have became. i am unproductive, i am a 18 year old virgin because i am now afraid of relationships, i am lost. idk if anyone will read this or if ill even get back on here. i just wanted to know if someone could leave suggestions on what i should do and how i can help myself. thanks to anyone that responds. if anyone else is in this situation please let me know how to fix this. i want my life back.",0.9809,positive,lonely 1344,depressed,help,listener_4,2,Focus on hobbies or things that might distract you from negative thoughts try getting a pet ,-0.7096,negative,hopeful 1344,depressed,help,listener_3,3,"Thank you for responding, how old are you know? How long did it take you to get over this feeling? I like what you said about don't pick at the scab bc it will leave an ugly scar.",0.358,positive,questioning 1344,depressed,help,listener_5,4,"Honestly I was on and off with the guy for a while, but it go to the point where he was constantly hurting me. Flirting with women right in front of me, being secretive, lying, cheating... It just got to the point where I was tired of being unhappy. So I cut him from my life. Social media, texts, pictures... basically everything I had connected to him got deleted. I started focusing on myself, and what I wanted. It was hard at first. I didn’t know how to be comfortable being alone, but I focused on other things. I don’t really know the exact timeframe it took, but each day it got better and it will for you too. I’m 24 now and when I look back I have to laugh at myself. I thought my world was ending and it wasn’t. If anything I regret wasting so much time being sad and bummed about him. It’ll get better hun, I promise. Just don’t let her weasel her way back into your life because the outcome won’t be any different the second time. Good luck! ",-0.6136,negative,devastated 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,speaker,1,and for school to never exist,0.0,neutral,neutral 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,listener_1,2,I care. ,0.4939,positive,caring 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,speaker,3,crying hehe,-0.4767,negative,sad 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,speaker,4,i saw both of these comments and cried ahhaha,-0.3818,negative,sentimental 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,listener_2,5,You're more than welcome to message me any time you like xx,0.6983,positive,acknowledging 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,speaker,6,i hope hah,0.4404,positive,encouraging 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,speaker,7,>I don't know what to do honestly?,0.4588,positive,questioning 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,listener_2,8,Tell me a bit about yourself and what's going on and I'll do my best to try and give the most appropriate advice 😊,0.8876,positive,caring 1345,depressed,its like 1:26am and all i want is someone to care,listener_3,9,"They are. Trust me on this. I have been through the ringer this year.. And even though I have a lot of days where I think like you ""nothing will get better"" or get in some moods where I feel hopeless, there always are better days in the mix that make the waiting/difficult periods worth it. I believe there is the same for you. Stay strong 💪🙏💚",0.9135,positive,faithful 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,1,"So I started uni today and man am I not cut out for it. Im more depressed than Ive been in a long time. I am too anxious to make friendships. Everybody around me is starting to become friends with people and Im alone. Everyone is eating dinner together rn but Im in the bathroom feeling bad abt myself. Im just incapable. I wish classes would start already so I could drown myself in the work but instead I am forced to focus on how bad I am at social situations and it hurts. I know its stupid to say but I honestly am starting to think abt suicide, which has such fucked up logic but still. It seems like a better outcome than going through life. Ive been depressed for a while too its not like I just got thrown into this and am giving up. Ive been given up. I honestly think Im not cut out for life. I think the only way I will ever get better is by getting rich and falling in love and its extremely likely that neither of those come true so I wont get better. I think my darkest moments are coming soon in the future and its going to ruin my family when I am unable to get by these moments",-0.978,negative,sad 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_1,2,"I know it sounds cliche, but you're not alone. I want you to feel free to message me if you need to vent, lament, or just chat about unimportant things. If you don't know how to start, just tell me a little bit about yourself and the kinds of things you're into. Hang in there, my friend.",0.5539999999999999,positive,sentimental 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,3,"the only interest ive been able to maintain is listening to music so I guess thats something. I listen to a lot of emo, indie rock, hardcore, screamo, post hardcore. yeah those are the main ones",0.6369,positive,neutral 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,4,"I mean, I have to go to the events so its not like i can zone out on something. idk I prb can and am just making excuses. Im just frustrated that Im incapable of basic socialization skills",-0.8305,negative,disappointed 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_2,5,"Understood. I stopped drinking/party lifestyle a decade ago, and my social life dried up. I am in a large city, but I have almost no friends, nor am I looking for them. At your age though, you have chance to meet people with common interests; I never really learned how to do that because I only hung out with people who drank like I did. Again, focus on school, be a strong student, and others will approach you for tutoring or homework sessions.",0.8358,positive,trusting 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,6,Idk Id rather just not make friends unless it happens naturally,-0.4504,negative,lonely 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,7,my classes are really easy this semester. I guess I didnt realize how big the change would actually be,0.4927,positive,surprised 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,8,I want to focus on school but classes dont start for another week and a half,0.0387,neutral,anticipating 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_3,9,"It is a big change, for everyone, so please don’t feel alone. Definitely find a group to be a part of, there is everything under the sun at college. And talk to the counselor. They will have helped others in similar situations, and can give you tips. And get lots of sleep!",0.6102,positive,agreeing 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,10,"Oh trust me Im getting lots of sleep. I got 12 hours of sleep last night because I didnt go to the opening event since I had nobody to go with. Although I suppose things are going better today. The first day I met 2 people and when I say meet I mean I learned their name, major, and dorm. However those 2 people were my roommates. Today however, so far I've met 5 people. Only problem is I dont see the same people very often. But I did meet 2 people who are in my major so thats good",0.7853,positive,lonely 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_3,11,That is a good start. Give it time. You will find a system that works for you. ,0.4404,positive,suggesting 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,12,I guess. Things are improving at least they seem to be so thats good. Its insane how looking back I can see that I was overreacting so much,0.507,positive,embarrassed 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_4,13,"Ie, 90% of this channel lol.. lifes overwhelming sometimes but to paint the entire duration as a black parade is too grim and unrealistic to be a reality to someone at least half trying. ",-0.631,negative,neutral 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,14,"ok I now know 3 people who I can have a somewhat decent conversation with. I think it will be easier once classes start, but logic tells me it will be harder",0.3612,positive,prepared 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_3,15,"Logic, we don’t need no stinkin’ logic! College is what you make of it. Relax, have fun. Take care of yourself. Ask for help for anything you need. That’s what you pay for. Remember.. Don’t Panic!",0.7772,positive,prepared 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,16,"I just cant make friends. The only 2 people I am friends with started talking to me first. I have reached out 2 maybe 3 times to people when we are both standing alone and asked what their name was but I am really bad at small talk and usually quiet anyway so I dont know what to say after that. Worst of all, at the end of the day there is nowhere to go to be alone. The best I get is extended bathroom breaks and at night when my roommates go to sleep",-0.8209,negative,lonely 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,17,"When Im depressed I feel like it will never go away, but sometimes it can stop in literally minutes so I really dont know how to feel about that",-0.4939,negative,sad 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,listener_4,18,"Ya I feel you. It comes in waves you just need to prepare for it in advance by planning ahead, hope all is well",0.6124,positive,consoling 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,19,"Basically it's just every night, although each night is more manageable than before and I'm now okay prb with eating alone and I know where a close water station is so I wont starve myself. You're right though, thanks",0.6673,positive,agreeing 1346,depressed,I feel hopeless,speaker,20,"Wow, thank you. I started to realize that most people dont find their good friends during the first 2 weeks and I know personally in high school a lot of my good friends were made junior year and some even senior year, so I'm no longer worried about never finding friends. I think it's just the aspect of literally walking up to someone you dont know and introducing yourself which is so scary. I did it a couple times which surprised myself but nothing happened bc of it. But anyway, thanks for the kind words, Im honestly more excited for sophomore bc I really dont like living in dorms and freshman year is scary but Im doing fine now",0.934,positive,trusting 1347,depressed,Massive life change - don't see a future for myself,speaker,1,"Wasn't sure where to go to vent about it. I have lost my house and love of my life within day. I am living in a country where I don't have a great grasp of the language, have zero friends, work in a job where my entire team just quit putting me in charge of all major tasks in a new start up company. My girlfriend of 6 years ended things with me, 3 months after we bought a house together. To put it simply I feel like crap. Friends and family are too far away to help me and I have to find a new place to live asap. I feel depressed and really want to run away to nowhere. ",0.5771,positive,sad 1347,depressed,Massive life change - don't see a future for myself,listener_1,2,"Focus on material issues like extricating yourself from house payments, keeping your job, and learning how to smoothly navigate the society you live in; all your free time could be devoted to language studies.",0.8176,positive,hopeful 1347,depressed,Massive life change - don't see a future for myself,listener_2,3,absolutely no religion this subreddit. You have been warned. The next step is a permanent ban. ,-0.8016,negative,agreeing 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,1,"I think Im starting to realize that I dont neccesarily hate uni so far and am too depressed to do things, but Im just used to coming home everyday and having minimum of 3 hours alone to do whatever i want. Now I have, basically nothing with roommates and I feel like theyre always judging me for constantly being in the room instead of going out. I just... hope things get better. I feel really alone and there is nowhere to go :( Im gonna start crying. man, i just want some friends",0.8852,positive,lonely 1348,depressed,College is rough,listener_1,2,"I never really went to collage, but have you tried joining a club or volunteering for a good cause? You I mean it seems simple but it IMHO I would think give you an alternative sense of purpose and belonging. Although I don't you your situation I know most people are their own worst critic. That said if maybe you are projecting your own internal judgement thru them? And last it should be a group with a goal idea or goal. You would be joining that team. Working together with people is a great way to create friendships that can transcend that single goal and allow for people to connect on even more personal ways with and form deep bounds. I could be totally wrong and as I never went I may not have a right to say this. However this stag in your life isn't just about learning the books and passing the test. That was high school, now you get to practice what you learned in school while building the connections and friends that will frame your life. You get to make a lot more choices but that also means you can choice to not truly take advantage of your current situation just because no one has pointed it out. Having a good degree will make a huge impact by default but everyone knows that. What many miss is that its all the other things you do that will offering the highest payout and rewards for your time. In life at the end of the day, its often more about who you know and what you have done than what degree you have. IMHO this is why most don't work in the their field of study. ",0.9109,positive,suggesting 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,3,Its the first week of school you cant join clubs yet. Every night they have fun events but I have nobody to go with and I cant just approach a random group of people and ask to hang out with them,0.1793,positive,lonely 1348,depressed,College is rough,listener_2,4,"I think a lot of people in college are just worried and everyone loves having a good time. It's not hard to find people who are into themselves just like you are. I met them in dormitories , debating clubs, library and at dining hall. I made friends with them and they are really good friends of mine :-) ",0.9594,positive,caring 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,5,I do plan on joining a club and hopefully making friends there and in classes but it just feels bad when everybody is walking around together. im only with people when were forced to pair up,-0.7814,negative,lonely 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,6,"That would be nice. Its not even that I dont like going out though, I just dont like going out alone and since I have no friends I stay in the rooms",-0.609,negative,lonely 1348,depressed,College is rough,listener_2,7,It's just a small phase. You just need confidence to muster up the courage and say hi to people. Everything else would follow. Don't be too conscious of how other people percieve you and be the better version of you that you want. ,0.8658,positive,confident 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,8,"I have started conversation with 3 people which is 3 more than I thought I would, but nothing's come of it",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1348,depressed,College is rough,speaker,9,I feel too uncomfortable to even use the computer in my room while my roommates are there. I just want classes to start,-0.3182,negative,anxious 1349,depressed,When things keep getting worse...after you've tried everything...,speaker,1,Doom. Absolute doom. I'm fucked. ,-0.8689,negative,devastated 1349,depressed,When things keep getting worse...after you've tried everything...,listener_1,2,"No idea what the situation is, but PM me if needed. Or, fuck it all, and try something different. Never give up, never surrender. ",-0.7469,negative,questioning 1349,depressed,When things keep getting worse...after you've tried everything...,speaker,3,"I've dealt with this for 10+ years. Breakthroughs feel good, but it's all about being practical and rational. ",0.2382,positive,prepared 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,1,"I havent eaten anything since lunch yesterday, and that was my only meal since lunch the day before. I almost passed out today when I stood up from my chair. I would eat more but I dont wake up early enough to eat breakfast and I dont have any friends so I dont like to eat alone. Im in college and I know people dont care or give a shit about it but I just cant muster up the fucking courage to go out and get food and eat it alone. I also ran out of water in my room and the nearest place to fill up my bottle is far away so even if I dont eat, Im gonna need water. Also I kind of wanted to go out and walk around and see where my classes are but I was scared I would pass out in the process lmao. this is despicable, why am i this way. Ive never had no friends before and I am not adjusted. I think growing up I always had the same group of friends for the most part but now that im fucking depressed i have no energy to make friends and why would anybody want to be friends with someone who is always sad, boring, and awkward. tl;dr: i need to eat and im out of water and im ranting",-0.8729,negative,lonely 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,2,"my dad just called me and I told him i was going out to get food with friends bc i couldnt tell him I have none and then I started crying and at the end I couldnt hold it together bc he said ""i love you I hope you have fun with your friends"" and I have tears rolling down my face. Im so alone. This is terrible. I hate this, why cant classes just start. Why did I have to live in a dorm. Why do I have to go to college and work. I just want to do nothing, and have fun with friends, and not be depressed, and have a good life, but none of that is possible. I dont think Im gonna get dinner tonight, i cant anymore. Fuuuuuuuck...",0.6419,positive,lonely 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,3,Im thinking I will go to this event that is happening and grab something to eat. Maybe tmrw morning I will fill up my water bottle,0.0,neutral,prepared 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,4,i got the water and grabbed a bag of fritos w chili. not fulfilled but sustained,-0.1695,negative,content 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,5,My only conclusion is that youre calling me delusional,0.0,neutral,furious 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_1,6,"I saw an ""LMAO"" in one of your posts, so that made me think you could be laughing to yourself a bit?",0.8331,positive,questioning 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,7,idk how this response made me type all that out but there it is,-0.0516,negative,neutral 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,8,"I suppose. I know that whenever Im doing better and look back on my posts I seem so melodramatic and nonsensical, but I guess thats what happens. The only thing comforting me is that everyone says you dont meet your great friends in college during your first two weeks so Im essentially waiting for classes to start, and then waiting until I can join a club. Its kind of crazy how delusional (and I would say that I am) a lack of human companionship makes me. I remember back in high school I always felt lonely bc I never wanted to go out with my friends so I isolated myself. And I thought that was the same loneliness that most people felt when they said they had no friends. But I was so wrong. Now I truly am alone. I suppose its good that I have roommates but tbh I would much rather live alone atm so im not judged by my roommates for never going out and I could indulge in all my self destructive behaviors like staying inside watching shows, movies, eating, playing games, cutting, and the likes. But instead the most I can do is browse reddit, talk to online friends, and go to bed really early. Also, today was the first time I have ever full on cried due to my mental health/situation. Im usually incapable, I suppose thats a sign that things arent great. The only people who know me are my RA who I was surprised to find out knew my name, my peer mentor who prb doesnt know my name, 1 person I havent seen since orientation, and my roommates. But whatever, things take time I suppose, Im out of energy to be sad atm mb tmrw",-0.9525,negative,lonely 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_1,9,"Out of that comment, I see ""cutting"" as a priority to work on: hurting ourselves should be avoided, but yes, we do it anyway. Still, we have to stop. I had a difficult time with school entirely, but freshman year of art school I experienced a 'reality implosion' regarding my behavior and personality. It's ok to be introverted, but you still have to be nice.",0.29600000000000004,positive,ashamed 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,10,"Its not that I forget or dont want to eat, I hust dont want to eat alone, but Im getting better at it. I now know where a close by water bottle fill up station is so I can always have water. I mainly just talk to internet friends. Also what you said about writing in the paper and then writing whats actuslly true, that was in Feeling Good by David Burns. Thats kind of where I stopped though bc I cant keep up with always doing that. Sometimes I do it mentally like (If I told my therapist this, he would ask why, then I would realize its not true) but maybe I could start on paper or on my phone. Thanks for writing to me and helping it really means a lot. Even though youre a stranger, that might mean more Idk thank you",0.9753,positive,impressed 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_2,11,"Anytime. I completely understand. I've never read that book, but it was something my therapist suggested to me to do. I totally get not keeping up with it. Eating alone can suck. If you can, bring your food to a public place so it's like you are with other people. I used to bring lunches to the movie theater, park, quad on campus, or anywhere where people were also kind of doing their own thing. Sometimes that can help ❤️ You are totally welcome. Here if you need me.",0.7436,positive,agreeing 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,12,"That makes sense, but I think Im just gonna suck it up for now and eat alone in whatever dining hall. Its weird bc I know I would be fine eating alone if it was by choice, but since I am forced to eat alone it bothers me",-0.9468,negative,lonely 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,13,"My parents know Ive been going through depression and they set me up with a therapist. I dont want to worry my Dad though. He thinks Im having a good time rn and making friends and maybe thatll eventually happen so he can think that Im happy if it helps him. Also I do have an RA but I dont really feel comfortable talling to her bc what am I going to say and what is she going to do for me. All I can think is that she will try to force me to go to more activities. I understand what you're saying but I think atm Im just going to power through this. I feel like reddit, and whatever other online friends have been enough for now",0.8373,positive,apprehensive 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,14,"I havent cut recently, sometimes I get the urges but I cant bc of my roommates, also people say they want to erase their scars so its prb for the best that I dont start again. Even before it was more of intense scratching than cutting so Im scar free. And I would say Im still nice. I honestly think Ill be fine once I make friends, but who knows when thatll happen",0.9749,positive,grateful 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,15,"ehhh, that sounds like a real burden. Im just gonna try to join a club when that starts",0.2023,positive,acknowledging 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_3,16,Call your dad and tell him you have no friends.,-0.3724,negative,lonely 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,17,I don't see the point. It's kind of funny bc at first when I started talking to him and I said I had friends he was surprised that I made friends that quickly. I really don't see why I should tell him though. I often feel like sometimes I'm on the verge of a bad breakdown or I'm going to eventually want to kill myself and when that happens I will prb end up dropping out of college and moving back home but I don't want to work a job like that. I want to have a degree and work a good job and be successful and not throw away all the money they put into college. And if it does happen I don't know if I could get past the guilt and stay alive. And I feel like telling my dad abt what's going on is a slippery slope and I will feel okay with feeling worse and I don't want that to happen so I'll let him pretend I'm fine,0.9571,positive,apprehensive 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_3,18,Dishonesty is a downward spiral.,0.0,neutral,ashamed 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,19,"ehh, I've always been this way towards my mental health and maybe it is a bad thing but I don't go around telling white lies and I know it won't develop into smth worse",-0.8779,negative,suggesting 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_3,20,Maybe you should just watch television.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,speaker,21,I have been watching YouTube videos and netflix,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1350,depressed,Im really not doing well,listener_3,22,Great.,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 1351,depressed,I am big yos.,speaker,1," Boi, i traded my M9 Black Laminate FT named (twitch.tvkallencs) and some other skins to make a total of 177.3, to trade for a Karambit Damascus Steel FT that became tradable in two days. So i did, the trade went through, i confirmed (thinking it was a [cs.money](https://cs.money/) bot) the trade and went back to my pc and saw that [cs.money](https://cs.money/) said that the trade was cancelled so I assumed that the skins would be in my [cs.money](https://cs.money/) inventory ready to withdraw in 7 days. But when i got back I stared at my monitor in shock because the bitches weren't there, i thought it was a bug on my end, so i refreshed, restarted, logged in and out but there was nothing that was i could change. So i tried their support system and I've made 4 tickets sending proof with the tickets that i wasn't receiving anything. So i took to twitter to tweet at them and they haven't responded this was on the on the 24th of August at like 7:00 or smt cause i remember that was when some of my items became tradable so i did all the things i mentioned before. A day later i checked the bot again and the name was [skins.cash](https://skins.cash/). I'm just pouring knkn myn m jbfJHb esht wetn nt jst (english.exe yes.) im just pouring my thoughts into this. idk i feel really depressed rn ",-0.6474,negative,trusting 1351,depressed,I am big yos.,listener_1,2,Why are you creating links for non-existent sites? Please remove them.,0.5423,positive,annoyed 1351,depressed,I am big yos.,speaker,3,They’re the site names. Is it against the rules?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1351,depressed,I am big yos.,listener_1,4,"Yes; they are off-topic. If you mention issues with gaming in general as a trigger for depression, then that is topical. ",-0.25,negative,neutral 1352,depressed,Friends,speaker,1,I'm always the one to make plans with my friends and whenever I actually do anything I get the feeling that they don't even really want to be there and that they feel bad for me or something ,-0.0872,negative,apprehensive 1352,depressed,Friends,listener_1,2,"IMO people don't do stuff, or hang out with people, if they don't want to. So whilst you can't see it, there must be something about you that keeps them coming back.",-0.0572,negative,neutral 1352,depressed,Friends,speaker,3,Thanks for that,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1353,depressed,How Can I Build My Confidence?,speaker,1,"Hey guys, today I’m not that good. I broke down but I coped am I’m fine now. So I wanted to know, how can I build my confidence? I mean it’s very hard for me to look in a mirror. If I do I just think about how ugly, worthless and stupid I am. How can I stop that? I’ve been given some really good advice in my previous posts so I’m hoping someone could give me some advice on this. Some people don’t take you seriously. For instance, if you tell someone your depressed or you have anxiety, you would think that they would be understanding but instead they say things like “oh your overreacting” or “have you seen a therapist?” It’s hard to get help for yourself. It’s hard when you’ve been this way for so long, and when you do get help you end up running the other way when it gets tough. That’s happened to me before. Anyways, I’m gonna go now and I hope your all having a good day and I also hope your all doing great, and your staying strong. Have a good rest of your day ",0.9739,positive,confident 1354,depressed,A hard time,speaker,1,"I'm just having a hard time. I miss having friends. I made a conscious decision to leave the friends I had behind because they took the side of the man who sexually assaulted me, but because of that decision I left behind the only friends I had, and tonight it hurts more than ever. I knew them to 12 years, I grew up with them, we all considered each other sisters (they were sisters) , so it's really hard, as this isn't the usual petty friendship ending. It shouldn't hurt, I know, they did something that in my opinion is unforgivable, but it does hurt like hell. I miss having friends.",0.1943,positive,sad 1354,depressed,A hard time,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry for your loss and everything that happened to you. Well, at least they’re gone, it’s better to know the truth than to let them hurt you even more, it’s a blessing in disguise, but it still hurts a lot. I have no clue why they didn’t stand up for you. Well, it shows their true colors. I have had lots of family members who left me, it hurts, but I would rather know that I’m hanging out with people who truly care than them. It’s going to be very painful. I’m sorry.",0.0892,positive,sympathizing 1354,depressed,A hard time,speaker,3,Perhaps because they called me a liar and continued to bring him around me when I requested they do not? What kind of reply is that to someone who is deep in a dark hole as it is? Seriously???,-0.7149,negative,questioning 1354,depressed,A hard time,speaker,4,"""That guy"" sexually assaulted me in my own home that I was sharing with these two women. Those two women took his side after I explained what happened. I did not tell them they could not be friends with him, though I did request that they do not bring him to the house while I was there or bring him around me. They did what they wanted, put me in a situation that I politely requested they would not. Have you ever been sexually assaulted? Have you ever felt the panic at waking up to the sound of the voice of the man who took advantage of you when you were unable to fight back? I LIVED in that house with them, and they ignored my requests to keep him the hell away from me. I had no choice but to cut them out for good, because clearly my mental nor emotional health meant absolutely nothing to them, they would rather keep a rapist as a friend. So be it. I'm not sad because I feel alienates, I'm sad and hurt that two women I grew up with and knew for a majority of my life decided that a rapist was more important to them than me, considering they know my background of being sexually assaulted. That's what hurts. Better?????",-0.9813,negative,angry 1355,depressed,"I havent been medically diagnosed, but then again I haven't went to a therapist before",speaker,1,"I don't have an interest in doing anything. My phone has ruined my life, I scroll endlessly and waste my life away, looking at nothing. I guess I could look into books or education, but I have no interest in school or the people in it. I have no motivation to work or get a job. No motivation to do anything basically. I have no more hobbies anymore. I don't want to leave my house. I don't want to leave my bed. I want to smash in everything in half. I feel like my phone addiction is like a heroin addiction or a self harm addiction. It's all I do. I feel like crying. It's all meaningless, but I should do something anyways. I'm constantly telling myself all my flaws and screaming at myself to change but I never do. I don't know what my life will end up like. Im scared. I don't want to waste my life and I don't want to die but I don't want to do anything to change it Edit: I smashed my phone. My boyfriend got mad. i cut myself. i think my parents are getting a divorce over me. i'm in a worse position then i started out. and my friends don't want to see me. good times :)",-0.9643,negative,lonely 1355,depressed,"I havent been medically diagnosed, but then again I haven't went to a therapist before",listener_1,2,"I’ve felt like this a lot and I know it’s hard. Don’t blame yourself for everything that’s going on. It will get better, there will be a calm after the storm. Don’t give up ok. It’s normal if you don’t feel like leaving your bed or your house, I get that feeling a lot but instead you have to get up and stay strong. Your not alone in this ok?",0.8753,positive,sad 1355,depressed,"I havent been medically diagnosed, but then again I haven't went to a therapist before",speaker,3,Thanks dude,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1355,depressed,"I havent been medically diagnosed, but then again I haven't went to a therapist before",speaker,4,"Alright, I'll try. Thanks dude :) ",0.7845,positive,wishing 1356,depressed,I know why...but why...,speaker,1,"So I know why I often feel depressed. I hate my job, I have no discipline, I don’t have any friends, I don’t make any sacrifices, I don’t accomplish any thing significant on a day to day basis and especially not the weekends. Why can’t I just bring myself to fix these things. I get home and I’m so upset about my current situation it’s paralyzing I have to just play video games and have a couple beers to take my mind off it and have some fun for once. Idk how to find the positive energy to try to make a change in my life and idk why. ",0.5767,positive,sad 1356,depressed,I know why...but why...,listener_1,2,"i often get in a rut like this. for me, i found it helpful to create a list. a list of stuff that needs to be done (like work around the house or car) and a list of other fun things that require me to leave my house and car. Any inbetween time gets filled with internet. for stuff that is difficult to get started allow yourself 5 minutes to start it and if you dont feel like doing it, dont. ",0.8515,positive,prepared 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,1,Today I started cutting my arms. I don't know why but it feels good. This is the way I fight my depressions know. Is this normal?,-0.6249,negative,guilty 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_1,2,Absolutely not. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,3,Shit 😐,-0.5574,negative,angry 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_1,4,"I don't have answer either, but there is meaning in taking care of yourself. I ride a bike, gives me a place to exert my will. To push. To win. It helps some days. ",0.9313,positive,confident 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,5,>What would make you think self-harm is a proper response to symptoms of depression? Idk I had the urge(?) ( I don't know if this is right) ,-0.6662,negative,apprehensive 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_2,6,"shut the hell up. They didn't say ""Is this proper"" or ""OK"". They were just wondering if it's normal",-0.6808,negative,annoyed 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_3,7,Urge is understandable. I used to mark my arms with sharp instruments but not actual cuts. Then add in substance abuse as slow suicide. No behavior like that is normal/acceptable. ,-0.953,negative,ashamed 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,8,"Wow thanks for your comment. The problem is, I see no other ways anymore. I don't have real friends. My crush doesn't love me. I hate the society in germany. My parents are split up. I got legal problems with 15 years. I suck in school. The only thing I'm good, is computergames. And my parents doesn't support me in this hobby.",-0.8975,negative,lonely 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_4,9,I’m sorry. It’s sad that some parents don’t support how their children choose to live their life but ultimately it’s your life... good or bad your parents lived their life & it’s time you live yours. If you love computer games then do it!,0.7043,positive,sympathizing 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,10,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,listener_5,11,check out the subreddit /r/StopSelfHarm . They will have suggestions of how to learn to cope in new ways that do not involve cutting yourself. Also look for computer game outlets to help keep your mind occupied and to meet friends through that. ,0.7327,positive,suggesting 1357,depressed,Started Cutting myself,speaker,12,I know. A Friend got caught by a teacher today.,0.4939,positive,agreeing 1358,depressed,I wanna die haha,speaker,1,not a joke I feel like I'd be better off as a corpse right now,-0.0485,neutral,ashamed 1358,depressed,I wanna die haha,listener_1,2,Why? Although I sometimes think that for myself too.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1358,depressed,I wanna die haha,speaker,3,I hate myself. I'm always sad and my life feels unsatisfying,-0.7783,negative,disappointed 1358,depressed,I wanna die haha,speaker,4,know how you feel bud,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1359,depressed,A listening ear please,speaker,1,"This morning... I heard him you know.. i don't know if he meant for me to listen to him or not but I heard him. He said he is better off not getting attached to us and that we can do whatever we want and that meditation has made him less materialistic. Why's he doing this? Is it because I didn't answer him? He should've understood that I didn't know what to say and that I felt ambushed. I think this time their fight is serious. I feel guilty. They keep saying that all these clashes are because I don't go college. That I keep bumming around... But I don't want to go back there. I'm afraid what they'll do if I tell them. I'm scared. I want to run away. They take all my emotions at face value. If I'm laughing and smiling then I'm okay and happy with everything. If I'm acting stubborn then I'm selfish. I mean, I know we're having problems financially but is it my fault? I try not to act this way but it keeps coming out. They've been my parents for 20 years now, can't they tell what'll affect me? When I'm acting strange? What I like or don't like? When I'm sad or what's got me so happy or upset? They treat me like an adult, expect me to own my decisions and mistakes yet they don't let me make mistakes. 2 years back when I was looking for vacation jobs they were all for it, and as soon as I got selected for 3 jobs they were like ""we just wanted to see how much you can get on your first time"". I was so upset that I didn't get to have the experience. Admittedly, I don't help in house work at all when mom is at home. I'm always lazy. But even so, when she had to go to my aunt's house with my brother for a month, and when she had to go with my father to look after my cousin at hospital for 2 weeks, I didn't complain a bit! I cooked and cleaned and sent my brother school and everything that she does! When it was just me and my dad at home I made breakfast then went college after preparing our lunches and came home every evening after studying all day then cleaning the house then again preparing dinner and then cleaning the dishes and then did homework and then did all this all over again for a whole month. She even praised me on coming back. Then went back to complaining about everything I did or didn't do the next day. She works very hard. I've hardly ever seen anyone work as hard as my mom. But it gets on my nerves when she keeps yelling at me and pushing me away when I need my mom or someone to comfort me when I'm crying. She's either awkward at showing sincere love to me or its just because I don't act like the kid I was before. I used to be very obedient. Listening to everything my parents said and loving and respecting all the same. I studied hard and was always one of the top student. Then I got tired of it all.. all the things that i had repressed inside of me bursting out. After 18 years o listening to them my rebellious side came out and now I'm just uncomfortable showing them how hard I actually work. They both keep looking down on me when in real I don't want to explain myself anymore. If I work in front of them then they act all sarcastic like ""wow! My daughter is working so hard"" and then laugh at me and then take my studying picture and post it on family groups. I don't want to disappoint them. But I also don't want them to think that I doing this to only show them that i do learn. They keep getting disappointed in me. This time it was because i failed in 3 classes and because I failed for the first time... They kept giving me disappointed looks and some serious demotivating pep-talk. I could really use some support, you know? I am your kid after all even though I'm all grown up. I thought my exams went well. I really thought that. I didn't expect this result at all. Its been a month since it came out and I haven't been going to college after that, but I still haven't heard a single word of encouragement from them. They don't even suspect the reasons why I haven't been going. They just keep on asking me why. They always knew I don't always speak my mind. They always knew I'm not outspoken. How could they not know? Am I messed up in my mind that my parents don't understand me after all these years? They keep pressuring me to tell them why I don't go. How do I tell them that I want a break?! I am this close to a nervous breakdown. We were getting ready to pay for my fees at the bank. I kept on insisting to my mom that I can do it myself and that I know how to do it. But she kept saying that she can't take the risk and said she wouldn't let me go without dad. That's when dad asked me why I didn't go to college. My dad got angry that I didn't answer him and he told me to go by myself to pay for my fees. So I left without a word, angry that they didn't get it. That even after all this time they've known me, they can't tell when something is bothering me and that they already know about it. He asked if I wanted to study or not. And not in a good way. I said ofcourse I did, i just want a break. I left and was withdrawing the money when dad found me. He silently followed me all the time i was withdrawing money and filling up the form and paying the fees. All he did was keep watch. Then he dropped me off at the nearest bus stop and went off on his way. That was yesterday. Today when I was pretending to sleep so I could avoid all the interrogation, he was talking to my grandma saying that mom wants to take my brother and leave dad for good. He said he was living with us for the sake of living together and that it would be better if they lived separately. I already went through their separation for 6 years, from when I was in 2nd grade to when I was about to graduate to 8th grade... All that time my brother didn't even know his own father. Whenever they fight, my mom blames me and says that they got together for me and my brother's sake. And when I blame them that I can't concentrate on my studies because they keep fighting and making me worry, they say I shouldn't pay attention to their fights and that its normal for all couples and that they love each other. But how do I react when everytime she's upset she comes to me rambling about what he's done to her in the past and how all my dad's family despises her and she withstands them for me and all the pain she went through for me and all the sacrifices she has made. She pours out all her frustration to me and I listen. I listen every single time! Every. Single. Time! I listen to how my dad's family has ruined her life and how they disrespect her and how they ignore her and how they've turned her into an outcast and spreading all kind of rumors about her. I listen because I'm the only one she can rant to. Because I'm the only one who doesn't tell her to shut up about her problems. Because she doesn't have any friends here. And because she's here for me. Because she's here in this situation where she can't go anywhere because she came to stay with my dad for me. I want to tell my dad that I heard him blaming us and cursing mom. I want to see his reaction and hear his response. I want to see if he'll really not object and let us go our own way. But I don't have the courage to ask him. They think I don't love them, and that I don't respect them and that I don't fear them. But the truth is I've never been able to open up in front of them because I am afraid of them. Of what they'll think, or do to me or themselves. Of how this will affect their relationship. Because everytime I do something that is disgraceful they blame each other or they blame me. Everytime i go to mom because i need her and she pushes me away because she is busy or isn't feeling it? She pushes me away farther than she realizes. Then when she comes to me to show her love, and I push her away? She says that I don't love her anymore, I desperately want to tell her that its not me mom, its you. I've come so far away from them that now I don't know how to go back to them. And they don't even try to bring me back from there but push me further away. I don't think they even realize this. Now I just want to run away to where they can't depress me this way. I want to show them that I can live without them and that I will not depend on them and that they can unburden themselves of me and live happily since they keep saying that all of these fights are because of me.",-0.9968,negative,embarrassed 1359,depressed,A listening ear please,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry for what you are going through. <<hugs>> (from a mom) At 20 yrs old, you have choices that you didn’t before. Make plans and get out of there. College if you can get student loans and live on campus, or get some friends to help you move out, maybe find a job and a roommate to help with expenses. Talk to your friends. Talk to your grandparents. Be open and honest, without being whiny sounding. Ask for help. <<more hugs>>",0.946,positive,sympathizing 1359,depressed,A listening ear please,speaker,3,"I'm not close to my grandparents, they were never a part of my life, all the did was ruin my parents marriage when I was still a kid. I do have choices, but I am hesitant about taking them. If I tell my parents that I want to move out then dad will just yell at me and send me away to some relative's house that I don't even know. And even if I move out of my own volition then the society and all the relatives will laugh at them and then they'll cut me out of the family. We are from a culture where a girl doesn't leave her parents' home permanently until she is married. And after that she's not allowed to come back. I'll be a disgrace to them I'm torn between what I want to do and what I should do.",-0.7452,negative,apprehensive 1360,depressed,My life...i feel an end is near.,speaker,1,"I've been through so much in the past 3-4 months, they are at least 60 to 200 times worse then when I grew up when I was 18 and lost the love of my life. And then when I was 22 and lost my six year old son in his sleep, I never knew him but yeah...it just keeps getting worse. Anyone care to help. I'm extremely vulnerable right now. ",0.0414,neutral,terrified 1360,depressed,My life...i feel an end is near.,listener_1,2,Were here always for you dear redditor :( and im sorry for your loss ,-0.4404,negative,sympathizing 1360,depressed,My life...i feel an end is near.,speaker,3,Oh it keeps getting worse and worse and I'm 24 now. ,-0.7351,negative,neutral 1360,depressed,My life...i feel an end is near.,listener_1,4,Just have faith in yourself . GOD Has a better plan for you,0.8192,positive,hopeful 1360,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,"What do you do when you have absolutely no one. And you hate yourself to be your own motivation for anything. When you've just completely given up. When absolutely nothing brings you joy. And nothing sounds better than just do nothing. When you cant even watch your favorite TV shows now cause you just have no interest in anything. I feel like I'm just surviving. I dont even feel alive sometimes. I'm only 19, I dont think I can feel like this much longer, let alone forever...",-0.6942,negative,lonely 1360,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,"I have been a wandering ghost for 20+ years. ""Just surviving"" is not awful, but of course many want more. I blame entertainment media in how it presents a false reality which no one can really create: TV Land makes people want more from reality than they can expect. Add in religion/spirituality and the potential for mass delusion. It seems better to be your basic self though. You are 19 and have a better chance to build a strong life. I am nearing 50 and just fading away.",0.959,positive,trusting 1360,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,"That makes so much sense to be honest. It makes me feel better knowing I probably just have some reality in my mind that the world says I should have. I often think I'd be happier if just took my life. I feel like its be better than just existing. If you dint mind me asking, have you ever thought about it, and if so are you glad you didnt if though you're ""just fading""",0.9536,positive,trusting 1360,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,"I think about suicide frequently and have seriously attempted it a few times; also add in ""slow suicide"" (substance abuse). I have enough survival instinct to simply hang around and seek entertainments, or otherwise be quasi-sociopathic. I think other people like us can find a way to generate enough amusements to make life worthwhile. ",-0.7351,negative,hopeful 1360,depressed,Help,listener_2,5,"Thank you for everything, I really appreciate your time and thoughts. It helped me a lot. I genuinely wish you the best of luck in life",0.9371,positive,wishing 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,speaker,1,"I had so many friends but one or two that I thought mattered, I’ve been clean for five years and now nobody wants to know me, it’s like I don’t exist unless I’m in the drug club, I’ll never go back to it but damn I’m lonely, I have a family so I shouldn’t be but I am, I still dream about scoring it’s pathetic really but I just don’t know why suddenly the people I called best friend can’t even be arsed to reply to me, I do a lot for people all the time and it’s like I don’t exist, sad life really, I’ve always wondered what it’s like to have a real friend, I’m a big guy athletic and I have a shitty past, I suppose people never see past a mistake and I’m a walking fucking disaster, if it weren’t for my kids and my girl I would be so done with all this fake society with all the hate.",-0.8931,negative,lonely 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,listener_1,2,"It's not that nobody wants to know you. It's that people who do drugs or drink have no idea what to do around people who don't. They think you don't want to be around them. I've been dealing with this my entire adult life. I live in one of the heaviest drinking cities in America. Everything is centered around drinking. And since I don't drink, no one invites me out. If I ask, I get answers like that they assume I didn't want to go out because I don't drink or that they feel uncomfortable drinking a lot alongside someone who doesn't. It makes no sense but that is an answer I've heard a lot. It kills my dating life as well since online dating has questions about whether you drink, and guys will tell me they won't date a non-drinker since they want to enjoy a night out with wine or beer. Anyway, my point it, it has nothing to do with you. People who drink and do drugs are just assholes to people who don't. They seem to care less about your friendship than whether you have something in your hand. So judge them for it and see they aren't worth hanging around. And finding friends after school is hard. Start talking to guys at your gym. Groups I have gone out with are large groups of people who all work out at the gym at the same time and eventually became friendly over time. Or meet parents of your kids' friends. Or join a social club on a kickball, softball, or ultimate frisbee team. Ultimate frisbee has been where I've had most success making friends. ",0.9876,positive,lonely 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,listener_1,3,"oh, I thought you said in your original post that you had a partner since you said, ""if it weren’t for my kids and my girl."" But if you are looking for someone, try online dating. That way you can say upfront you like camping and hiking and are looking for the same in a partner. I'd go camping with you if you were in my area. I have found that the more serious lifters are the ones at the non-24 gyms with the cheap membership. So I go to Gold's Gym. Or if you are serious lifter, look for gyms that are made for Olympic lifting or bodybuilding. Usually a more mature group of people. Or possibly crossfit gyms, though I've never tried those. You had mentioned people never see past a mistake. I think the right people do. If they are someone in your life and they have not recognized how much you changed, then fuck them because they are not worth it. But meeting new people allows them to only see you for who you are now. And when they find out about any mistakes in your past (assuming you haven't murdered or raped anyone), they already know you are no longer that person and it shouldn't make much of a difference in how they see you. Don't assume you are totally screwed just because things haven't worked out so far. If you like your hair and beard, then certainly don't change it, but if you think cutting them would make you more approachable and, in turn, make it easier to find friends, then consider that. It's hard for me to say since long hair and tattoos have never made me think someone is unapproachable. For me, it is someone who doesn't smile back (you know, the slight head nod and smile when in an elevator with someone or going to the squat bar just as the other person is getting off). But generally there is no ""look"" of a depressed person. For example, I can be very social and talkative, even with people I don't know. I'm never shy. And yet, I have pretty extreme depression. So no one would guess it for me either. oh, if you reply, use the reply button. Otherwise I won't know you said anything unless I come back to this post. ",-0.3306,negative,neutral 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,speaker,4,"Thank you I never thought of it that way, god bless. ",0.7506,positive,sympathizing 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,speaker,5,"My girlfriend died I’ve got my kids, i work my ass off and it’s one hell of a conversation stopper. ",-0.9136,negative,angry 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,listener_1,6,"I'm very sorry to hear about your girlfriend. I cannot imagine going through that. And yes, dating as a single dad with full custody of your kids is hard but not impossible. There are single women with kids, too, looking to date as well with the ultimate possibility of a blended family. Other women are simply fine with you having kids even if they don't. I would expand your search by meeting parents of your kids' friends as well as online dating like Match or Okcupid. When you are stuck in your same circle of acquaintances daily it is hard to see that there are people out there for you. You just need to find new ways to meet them. Outside of the dating, is there anything else you would like to talk about with your depression?",0.7852,positive,sympathizing 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,listener_2,7,You’re welcome and God bless! Keep reaching out you’re doing great by seeking out support 👍,0.9412,positive,wishing 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,speaker,8,"Thanks but I’ve taken up enough of your time already, I really appreciate the fact that you replied and were so helpful I’ll be giving your suggestions a try, I’m not really all that bothered about dating, I’m more annoyed at the people I’ve been there for and as soon as I need them I’m no longer a thought... take care and thank you. ",0.9105,positive,wishing 1361,depressed,I used to do drugs and drink on a daily basis for about five years straight.,listener_1,9,"no problem. If you need anything in the future, just send message. ",0.3089,positive,questioning 1362,depressed,Everything seems dark...,speaker,1,"I feel like something is following me after a couple very recent very intense encounter. Bad things have been happening since, I've never had this kind of depression and social anxiety in my life. ",-0.7269,negative,terrified 1362,depressed,Everything seems dark...,listener_1,2,"I got you hey. Send me a message, tell me whats up",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1362,depressed,Everything seems dark...,listener_2,3,ask questions and make a productive comment on this post. Don't just ask to send you a PM. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1362,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_3,1,"I was just dumped by my girlfriend the other night, and I don't know what to do. ""I can't really say I'm in love with you"" is what she said. This just came out of nowhere and I feel like I can't breathe. Just a couple of days ago I thought we were still madly in love, now I'm heartbroken and I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I just wish I knew what went wrong. I wish she would tell me that I did something wrong, tell me that I fucked up, tell me I had abhorrent personality traits, at least then I could make some sense of it. But she just said that she changed, and no longer felt the way she used to. She likes me, and cares about me, but she's not in love with me anymore. How am I supposed to react to that? How can you say you love me on Sunday, then no longer be capable of loving me on Friday? She keeps insisting that I didn't do anything at all, that she wanted to feel it but couldn't; but how am I supposed to understand that? I'm just hurt and confused. She stopped by my house the other night to return some things I left in her apartment, my shirt she had (and it still smells like her 😢 ); and what really stings is that she returned the presents I gave her for Valentines this year. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I spent all night crying, I feel empty, like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. It's like I'm trapped in a nightmare I can't wake up from. Whenever I was with her all of my depression and anxiety just melted away. Despite all the bullshit I deal with on a daily basis, I always felt alright, because I knew that no matter what happened I had her beside me, and she made everything alright. I honestly don't know how I'm gonna make it through winter without her. Our relationship was amazing, we've been through so many good times, and I was always there for her when she was going through rough times, and she was there for me. But when dumping me she was just so casual though, like we had only been on three dates. We were together for a year, and she didn't even seem to react. She said she doesn't see us having a future together; I saw us potentially getting married one day, I definitely saw a future with her. And she used to see one with me, I just don't know what changed. I don't know how to deal with this. Without her I just feel dead inside. Just last week I was so happy, now I don't know how I'm gonna live without her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me, now I feel like my heart is shattered in a million pieces. She said she doesn't think she was the right girl for me, but we were perfect together. I don't think I could ever find anyone else as amazing as her. The only one I feel like I can turn to at this moment is my best friend. They try to be sympathetic, but they're more of a tough love kind of person, they tell me to put my dating profile back online right away, right now; but I'm a crying mess right now, and I don't feel ready to try to date again; but they are making me go back to online dating and I don't really feel strong enough to object right now. I've never felt this hurt and empty. I don't know how I'm supposed to make it through this.",0.9942,positive,devastated 1362,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_4,2,"Just keep in mind that the pain your feeling is because you knew what it felt like to love someone and lose them. It’s not a bad thing. It means that you’ll be able to recognize it when it happens again in the future and be able to appreciate it more then. For now, don’t try to figure out “what went wrong”. Don’t think “what if?” because there is no answer to those. Just think of the fun you had and try to be happy for getting a chance to enjoy that happiness. You’ll make it through buddy. ",0.9655,positive,neutral 1362,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_3,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1362,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_3,4,"I wish I thought I could. Alone, I can't even enjoy any hobbies. Even something as simple as watching youtube I can't do anymore. I just feel empty, and everything feels bland.",-0.4075,negative,lonely 1362,depressed,I just got dumped,listener_3,5,"I feel this so much. Unfortunately I no longer find my hobbies enjoyable, everything feels so bland.",-0.2449,negative,lonely 1363,depressed,Life sucks,speaker,1,"I am really not okay. I really dont want to live anymore. I hate my life and myself and the way it is all going. I was up all night throwing up and texting the crisis line. I have been really suicidal for a few days and it just keeps getting worse. Everytime I look around my house I feel pain. I look at my kids and I see how much I have fucked up as their mom. I look at the pictures on my walls and see all the fake smiles. I am falling for someone who is never going to fall for me. I am afraid of the future and honestly dont see myself having one. I really dont want to go on anymore and I feel like I have no one to talk to because everyone is getting sick of me and saying it is all in my head. Yea it is all in my head. It is a screaming voice in my head that wont shut up. I just want to feel peace. I just want to slip away into darkness. I truly hate my life. I hate the decisions I have made. I hate the person I have become. I am miserable in my own skin. Yes I am able to laugh and smile and joke and have a good time sometimes but these feelings always come back and I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want to keep fighting myself. I dont want to keep grasping for help. I cant breathe on my own. I should be able to breathe. I want to write a letter to each person I care about expressing my feelings and then just end it. I am really afraid because these thoughts wont stop. Honestly they have been there for 11 years. I dont have the energy or strength to keep fighting and I dont know what to do. I just want to feel peace and serenity for once. I just want to be calm and happy. I want to go somewhere where everything is beautiful and I dont have to worry about how I look, what I wear, if someone likes me or not, if I will end up alone, if my finances will work out. I just really dont want to do it all anymore. I really want to slit my wrists or hang myself or OD. I dont know what to do. Even know I hate myself for laying this on you because i know you are in really early recovery too and you have your own demons and shit to handle. I just really needed to get it all off my chest to someone who wasnt going to tell me i am wrong and shit to try and make me feel better. I dont see a future for myself. I dont see hope. I dont see anyone caring if i were gone. I just dont see it.",-0.7785,negative,sad 1363,depressed,Life sucks,listener_1,2,"It does suck. I so didn’t want to even comment cus what the hell can I say. I have a kid too. I want to die a lot too. Trapped in a shrinking room. People don’t get it. My complaints are repetitive and so I don’t say it. Everything is repetitive my coping everything. I feel you. Idk what to say. I sort of believe in god I guess. I guess that’s it that helps. But nothing anyone’s ever said or written about it is real. It’s really hard to find, god. Have you ever tried psychedelics? Or making art. Or just being alone in nature. Idk, these are things that have helped me at points. Some of the mystic traditions, if they catch you at the right time. Bookstores, look at random books. Take things literally, like they’re speaking to you. Be crazy, allow yourself to be guided. When the breeze comes, see that the world is offering you a gentle beautiful gift. Maybe. Maybe not. I’m just offering you the moments of peace I’ve had. Animals and plants. Idk. The desert. The ocean. Mathematical perfection. The fall. The sun. Nostalgia. Good bye stranger. I’m feeling love in my heart at this moment for you.",0.988,positive,trusting 1363,depressed,Life sucks,listener_2,3,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/theTRUEaltoid/u-thehelperDroid/raw/master/helperDroid/helplist [source](https://gitlab.com/theTRUEaltoid/u-thehelperDroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 1364,depressed,Desire,speaker,1,"—DISCLAIMER: HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!I wrote this a year ago after my abuser broke up with me, and without realizing what he had been doing to me yet I wrote this, not thinking I’d actually share this with anyone- Would it matter if I died? Everyone I’m sitting around has no idea who I am or what I’m like. The ones I love most are always miserable, maybe I’m the common denominator. I want sex out of its guilty pleasure, I want the one who broke me to realize what he broke. I also want to feel someone’s touch as if they’ve desired me for hundreds of years, I miss that feeling. It’s as if your skin is the only thing they’re focused on. That’s not a bad thing, either. Skin is an intimate thing; your scars, stretch marks, beauty marks, bruises, and everything else is part of what defines you. For someone to want to touch my skin is something that gets me giddy. I know it’s just using me, my body, but I want the feeling of being desired. Yes, I am young. But his face still burns in my memory. I can’t eat. Well, I can, but my stomach has a giant stepping on it and the lion beneath continuously roars for release. Maybe I don’t want to eat. Scratch that, I don’t. With every meal I skip I feel myself become smaller, more desirable. Maybe he got “bored” because he could slowly begin to see my skeleton. In every picture of my body more bone would show. Perhaps he really was scared. Doubt it. If was scared and cared, he would have gotten me help. But now all I am is skin, flesh, and bone. The most desirable I’ve ever been and desired I’ve felt. What a shame I won’t be showing this to anyone, because I believe my words are truly beautiful.",0.9747,positive,ashamed 1364,depressed,Desire,listener_1,2,How long ago did you guys break up? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1364,depressed,Desire,speaker,3,sorry for a late response. we broke up September of 2017,-0.4767,negative,sympathizing 1365,depressed,Idk what to do,speaker,1,"I've reached out to people and everyone ignores me. Idk what to do anymore. I hate myself so much and I'm literally so worthless. I'm just a burden to everyone around me and I cant stand feeling like this anymore. I'm never going to amount to.anything. I cant even get someone to actually love me... why is it that no one ever cares when they lose me ? I'm always at crying, broken hearted, wondering why u want enough. Me and my bf of 4 years broke up and he cant wait for me to be gone.. it's not wvein fazing him.. he could care less.. but all I can do us cry and wonder what's wrong with me and what i did and why he doesn't care...I cant do anything right tbh. I was offered a promotion to management recently, but I couldn't get the job because I didnt have my liscense. (I'm 19 and ive put it off cause driving scared the hell out of me) I went to take my test (which if I passed I'd get the promotion, if not they had to hire someone else) and I coulton even take it because the first think she did was check my headlights and the left headlight was out. I'm literally incapable of being happy or benefiting from anything in life. I'm so far gone I dont think I can ever feel normal again. These last few weeks have really been a tipping point for me. I cant deal with myself. I hate evrything about me. I cant live with myself anymore...",-0.9855,negative,lonely 1365,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_1,2,"ey if you need someone whos been in the sane boat, shoot me a message. ",-0.34,negative,acknowledging 1365,depressed,Idk what to do,speaker,3,"Yeah I am, it definitely helps but it seems to only help for like the day of maybe a couple days after, i only see her once every 2 weeks at most, her schedule is very tight and It doesnt really work.well with my work schedule and my boss gives me every other tuesday. I dont wanna see another therapist though, I've tried other but haven't been able to open up, but i can with her so it makes it worth the wait",0.9081,positive,agreeing 1365,depressed,Idk what to do,speaker,4,"I started gaming a lot recently, I was always interested since I was little when I has my own computer, then a bf got me into zombies when i was like 13, and another more recent ex showed me a lot of PC and ps4 games that I love. Gaming has helped but I've reached a point where I cant even get myself to play my favorites. I'm either working or sitting at home watching some netflix show that I'm not even paying attention to ",0.9118,positive,sad 1366,depressed,My bi polar disorder has ruined my life.,speaker,1,"Im 31 gotten no where in life i have a ton of anger and crippling depression to deal with. People judge me all the time that im a pedophile bc i have no kids, that i have multiple duis bc i dont have a car bc i struggle to keep a job bc i have a shitty self esteem and lose jobs bc i drink till im to sick to go to work. I saw a youtube video and i think i fit the profile of a mass shooter or just some1 who want to kill themselve. I feel alpne the ""HELP"" doesn't do any good bc ive been told i choose to not do as im told..im not a piece of government property i hate this world. I dwell on the past i dont know how to change i want to much but i feel trapped. I hold grewt resentments toward my relatives any1 who ever robbed me pr humiliated me ive beem contemplating suicide since 9 and following through with a mass shotting since i was. I hate any and all vets bc i was abused by them when i was a kid. My dad said when i was young im not his son so between shouting at mental health people bc thier practices are bullshit, and wanting to go out in a fiery blaze of blood and death im lost.",-0.9957,negative,ashamed 1366,depressed,My bi polar disorder has ruined my life.,listener_1,2,"I wish you happiness and a long life mate, at times our minds can become dark, especially with difficult life experiences but always fight your darkness and strive for more happiness whether that be you or others ",0.402,positive,wishing 1366,depressed,My bi polar disorder has ruined my life.,speaker,3,Im sorry i do have a new job and feel much better. ,0.3818,positive,sympathizing 1367,depressed,I've never felt so alone,speaker,1,What's the fucking point of anything?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1367,depressed,I've never felt so alone,listener_1,2,"You are never alone. On this earth in this society. Loneliness ist just a point of view. You can be in a relationship and feel alone, or hang out with friends and feel a little bit of sweet emptiness. Maybe it is a feeling to recreate our perception of our own and others. A chance to step back and reorder things. Loneliness claims. Loneliness can be exhausting - but also a perfect way to see what is important to you. There are lot of like-minded persons everywhere. ;)",0.7743,positive,lonely 1367,depressed,I've never felt so alone,speaker,3,"I'm in a relationship, and he's been making me feel lonely... idk what to do",-0.4404,negative,lonely 1367,depressed,I've never felt so alone,listener_1,4,Maybe find out ‘what’ makes you lonely / what are you missing,-0.5719,negative,suggesting 1367,depressed,I've never felt so alone,listener_2,5,Couples counseling?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1368,depressed,fml,speaker,1,i suck at everything. im dumb. i fail everytime i try. people i consider friends got me as their last choice. always gets ignored. forgotten by everyone. treated like trash. just want to die.,-0.8979,negative,ashamed 1368,depressed,fml,listener_1,2,Nothing says you have to be good at anything. Get new friends or no friends. It doesn’t matter. Find two things that give you some happiness and do them most of the time ,0.799,positive,proud 1368,depressed,fml,speaker,3,Nobody says it but we all know that people who are good at something are the ones that succeeds in life.,0.8462,positive,confident 1368,depressed,fml,listener_1,4,"And what makes you think everyone is supposed to succeed in life. If everyone is a leader, who are the followers?",0.4939,positive,questioning 1369,depressed,How do i even progress?,speaker,1,I'm falling behind in school but I get around 7-10 hours of sleep a day. I also listen to depressing music more than usual. wtf is happening to me?,-0.8833,negative,lonely 1369,depressed,How do i even progress?,listener_1,2,"Hey Buddy! Shit like this happens. However, try and get out of some old routines and try something new. Its hard I know but little steps go a long way mate!",-0.3257,negative,consoling 1369,depressed,How do i even progress?,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1369,depressed,How do i even progress?,listener_2,4,yw hope you feel better soon! ,0.8356,positive,encouraging 1370,depressed,Feeling lost and alone,speaker,1,"Feels weird writing here. Generally I'm a happy and positive person, people would describe me as bubbly and optimistic. Making people laugh. Lately that has felt like wearing a mask. Not just to fool people but also to keep myself going. Strange. I feel incredibly sad for a day and the next day I can honestly say I feel great. But a few hours later I can completely break down again. This has been going on for a few months now. I have finally opened up to some friends and family about it and I'm going to see a psychotherapist this week. Because I'm afraid things will only get worse if I don't seek help now, I don't want to get depressed or get a burnout or anything. I was listening to mac millers new album non stop since it came out, it really helped me a lot go through this stuff. Didn't feel alone as much. Felt like he was dealing with way worse things but he was on a path that would have led him to great things. Went to a party having a great time when suddenly I learned he just died. I completely broke down in front of strangers and one friend and went home. I have never cried so much over an artist dying, I was in complete shock. I just feel so alone right now, so confused. I thought I was doing better but getting so sad about this makes me wonder.. I'm not stable at all. Does anyone recognize this feeling at all?? ",0.4034,positive,sad 1370,depressed,Feeling lost and alone,listener_1,2," I felt sorta the same when Paul walker died because I was a big fan and thought that death can happen so sudden and no one is safe, but thats what makes us stronger, the fact that we are still alive and learn from events like these that are inevitable. We move on and not take life for granted because we never know that as we sit so comfortably in our couch, death is right outside knocking at our door. Just live your life, and keep those happy thoughts of yours to help you carry on. It ain’t worth it dwelling on your sadness because all you are doing to yourself is pushing your self farther away down to a path that eventually become harder to get yourself out of. So cheer up my friend!!! ",0.9827,positive,grateful 1370,depressed,Feeling lost and alone,speaker,3,"Although I think it's dangerous to throw labels around like that when you're not a professional and don't know the whole story. (I can only type so much in here) Thank you for taking your time to reply anyway, it's nice to hear when people experience sort of the same thing or understand. And you're def right about the dwelling part. I need to keep going and stay positive. Life is too short and so fragile. I already feel a bit better! Thank you!",0.9244,positive,agreeing 1370,depressed,Feeling lost and alone,listener_1,4,"You are right I’m sorry :/, I am only human and mistakes very often so thanks for taking your time to point out my mistake. I am glad that I helped somehow though, I hope that you do mean what you said about feeling better and continue dismissing those haunting negative thoughts and emotions. Cheers!",0.7759,positive,sympathizing 1370,depressed,Feeling lost and alone,speaker,5,Aw that's ok! You did help and I do mean it. I'm actually going to see someone right now and talk/ask for some guidance to stay on the positive path :). Trying to be kind to myself is a new skill I'm learning :). All the best to you too and thanks again for taking your time! Cheers,0.9661,positive,wishing 1371,depressed,I'm scared,speaker,1,"I'm so afraid of my mom diyng and I having to take care of my siblings, and I have 6 siblings me being the oldest I'll have to take care of them but I have depression and social anxiety so how am I gonna take care of them when can't even stop selfharming? And I'm only 18, I shouldn't be thinking about this kind of stuff but life is not my friend.",-0.1803,negative,terrified 1371,depressed,I'm scared,listener_1,2,This is why it’s so selfish for people to have so many kids if they don’t have money. It’s usually the siblings who end up taking care of themselves ,-0.2002,negative,sentimental 1371,depressed,I'm scared,speaker,3,"Yeah, I think people should be more self conscious about that ",0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1371,depressed,I'm scared,speaker,4,"My mother's family were the people the me see with her life, when my grandma died they got everything she left them and at the time my mom was hospitalized cause her mother died in her arms and she was young, once she got better they've had sold the houses and and went to live in other countries. As my dad ooh god, not even if I could I would ask for his help.",-0.128,negative,grateful 1371,depressed,I'm scared,speaker,5,"Well sir or miss, I think that wouldn't be good for me as a person, it would just allow me to be lazy. I know I have to fight against these illness, I just don't know how yet. ",-0.7786,negative,apprehensive 1371,depressed,I'm scared,listener_2,6,"I say this, not to make you lazy, but because kids are expensive! And you being 18, it will take everything you can give. Having a little money will not diminish the responsibility you will be taking on. I’m sure you know this. Another option would be to contact CPS, but then everyone would get split up into foster homes. Good luck. ",0.8845,positive,wishing 1371,depressed,I'm scared,speaker,7,Ooh 100% sir I know where you're coming from. Thank you very much for your time and advice,0.3612,positive,agreeing 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,1,"Ive been depressed for a while and it has sucked but there has never been a catalyst for it. When I talked to my therapist we came up to the idea that it was the monotony of life at the moment that was making me bored of everything and depressed. And we came to the conclusion that that theory would only really be tested once I go off to college bc that will be a big change and Im in a happy, beautiful college town and I still feel like shit. The only catalyst if any would be smth bullshit like ""my eyes were opened to how the world really is"" At first when I got here I was depressed because I was making no friends but even now. Ive joined clubs, met people, I have some pretty close friends, and Im going out with some to hike this weekend but I still feel like shit. As if everything that I think is causing me distress is just a lie and Im actually just broken and no matter what happens in my life I will never be happy. I am extremely fortunate with my life and yet it all means nothing if I am incapable of doing anything with it. im just so tired that I cant go more than a day without wanting to cry. Its exhausting. god im so fucking despicable, and i feel stupid going into therapy because Im like ""i feel x,y,z and then they ask if there are any reasons and im just like I have no fucking clue"" plus it didnt help in the past anyway. Im thinking if it keeps going this way ill try meds, my friend wants me to try group therapy but idk sorry for the rant tl;dr: things suck, am sad boy",-0.9892,negative,trusting 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry. Your therapist isn’t helping. While a change of scenery can help some, that’s only if you aren’t depressed, and are just bored. Get a therapist on campus. Depression is a chemical imbalance that can be moderately helped. You will still need to actively push yourself to find things that help. Be brave. It’s ok to be scared, but don’t give up. Find something to focus on and put all you can into it. If it fails, try again. The trying is what is life and living. It can get better, but you need someone to help you find the way. ",0.6486,positive,sympathizing 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,3,"I just dont know what I would say if I went to see a therapist. I think im overdramatizing(is that a word) my experiences and im really not bad enough to warrant a therapist. Plus, I feel like they will tell my parents and I dont want them to know",0.6604,positive,apprehensive 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,4,"""college is a place to make friends, go to parties, enjoy being on your own"" or just a place to make you feel qorse when you dont so any of that",0.8402,positive,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,5,im really contemplating group therapy... we'll see,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,6,"I think that's the problem. I need to take action and that's just not something that ive ever been able to successfully do. Also I emailed the person at counseling to ask because Im still not sure. I guess things were just worse today because I cut again. Feeling like things arent gonna be great in my future. Life is a hassle, im not sure about my major, I just want to have a good time. I did laugh today the hardest Ive laughed in a very long time, and im going hiking with a friend this weekend which is a little out of my comfort zone but I think it will be good for me",0.8304,positive,anxious 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,7,"That’s a start! Just take it one day at a time, one moment at a time. And be proud of your successes. But also be proud of your failures. If you failed, it at least means you tried. Try again. ",-0.3054,negative,consoling 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,8,i keep sleeping through my classes and I flooded the bathroom yesterday I cant do anything,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,9,Thanks. I think I needed to hear this. Is that end quote from charlie chaplins dictator speech?,0.4404,positive,questioning 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,10,"Thought of you today (not in a creepy way), when our toilet overflowed. I yelled “F-ck!”, but then started laughing when I remembered our conversation. ",0.68,positive,embarrassed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,11,Ill have to look into it,-0.4215,negative,apprehensive 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,12,It reminds me of old star trek or star fleet if youve seen black mirror,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,13,"yea, I am kind of into sci-fi but i feel like a lot of it is cheesy",0.5023,positive,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,14,"Nothing wrong with cheesy! Lol. As long as it is entertaining, cheesy or realistic, doesn’t matter. One of my favorite cheesy movies is the Batmans with Penguin, or even Mr Freeze. ",0.8967,positive,annoyed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,15,"I suppose, I meant more to say that the cheesy sci-fi doesnt particularly appeal to me. I like watching movies with surreal landscapes/cinematography (as long as the story is also there) like interstellar and dunkirk. War movies fit this bill a lot of the time. Stuff that is super emotional and captures a feeling and time in the past. Or movies where I can relate to the characters, so stuff where they are depressed or have to deal with mental illness. I like crying in movies. I suppose thats kind of cheating though bc I am only thinking of my favorite movies, I appreciate less serious movies but since it takes me so long to force myself to watch one I usually only watch more serious stuff",0.0027,neutral,disappointed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,16,"Ah, gotcha. I also liked Interstellar, but have not seen Dunkirk. Have you tried Firefly/serenity? Good mix of all of that. ",0.6956,positive,questioning 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,17,"I have heard of firefly but not seen it, never heard of serenity. I do want to watch firefly though. I strongly recommend dunkirk it's my favorite movie of all time. Thats being said, Ive had friends say it was long, slow, and boring most of the movie because they dont like war movies. Im very behind on watching tv shows in general bc I watch one and then dont want to commit/dont feel like watching another series for months",0.9518,positive,disappointed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,18,Oh ok I didnt know that. Im actually strongly considering starting the show,0.5106,positive,surprised 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,19,It’s amazing!! I would totally recommend it. Just understand that there is only one season. Another good one is The Orville.,0.8772,positive,impressed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,20,Yea I think Ive heard a lot about the show. Does it not have an ending or something?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,21,"true, Ill prb watch it anyway. Ive seen shows that just didnt finish after 80 episodes",0.0,neutral,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,22,its bound to happen,0.0,neutral,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,23,"thats actually kind of hilarious. I think our bathtub is getting clogged too now lol, its a struggle",0.4417,positive,acknowledging 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,24,"yea, I mean that would work but Im going to try plunging it first. Its just started to drain slowly and I think its bc of hair",0.0,neutral,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,25,"Hair, a blessing and a curse. ",-0.0772,negative,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,26,for sure. Ill take the downsides though. The only annoying thing about my hair is it takes 3x as long to get to the length I want because its curly. I think when I hit 2 years growth it will be good,0.3818,positive,hopeful 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,27,curly hair is such a process but the good days make it worth it,0.7351,positive,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,28,I had a good hair day today. Lol,0.6908,positive,content 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,29,me too surprisingly. Im usually not patient enough to let it air dry so I blow dry more and then it frizzes up or I let it stay a little wet when I go out and I have to keep touching it and it gets frizzy,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,30,Mine too! Lol,0.4753,positive,agreeing 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,31,i love how people with curly hair have this connection,0.6369,positive,jealous 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,32,yea and products are so expensive its a struggle. Ive found that my curls work better when my hair is longer though,0.1531,positive,neutral 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,33,Lol. No kidding. Just being able to commiserate over frizz. Lol,0.649,positive,annoyed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,34,Ive been using devacurl ultra gel and I love it. only downside is that it takes a while and is hard for a gel cast to form so I cant scrunch my hair. I would try what you said but I just bought a new big bottle so Ill have to wait until I run out,-0.6155,negative,annoyed 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,speaker,35,Actually my worst enemy. I literally have to not touch my hair until its completely dry,-0.8225,negative,angry 1372,depressed,Why does it never fucking go away,listener_1,36,"And then try not to touch it for the rest of the day, too, so the curls don’t relax strangely. ",0.1779,positive,neutral 1373,depressed,Messed up life,speaker,1,"So my wife and I have had our marriage going south for awhile and she finally hit me and I had her arrested for domestic battery after I caught her cheating on me. Since weve been separated for over 2 months she says shes willing to give it a 2nd try but since she left, I've filed for divorce, increased my income over 2 times what I was making, stopped paying on her car, and since she is living with her mom and 3 other adults and sleeping on a couch I'd be awarded custody for the child has nowhere to live. I'm scared to remotely trust her as it could be some sort of trap, but I love the idea of things going back to normal. Just want this to end.",0.715,positive,faithful 1373,depressed,Messed up life,speaker,2,Do I trust my feelings or do I open my eyes and realize it's over ,0.5106,positive,trusting 1373,depressed,Messed up life,listener_1,3,"Things will never go back to normal if she cheated on you. Also, she is the one that left. Your feelings are clouded by emotion and hope for what isn't actually there. These are rarely one-off occurrences of violating respect toward you (whether cheating, treating you poorly, hitting you, etc). If you were posting this on either a men's sub or women's sub (the majority of both genders always answer the same for these situations), the majority would tell you to cut your losses and move on, and I'm sure many of those people would be speaking from personal experience. There are few to no responses that every say, ""we got back together after he/she cheated and now life is exactly as it was before and perfect.""",-0.836,negative,trusting 1373,depressed,Messed up life,listener_2,4,"The break is crazy hard, but long run is worth it. File the papers and start talking to someone",0.1154,positive,hopeful 1373,depressed,Messed up life,speaker,5,Due to the baby I'm stuck dealing with her for the rest of my life ,-0.25,negative,devastated 1373,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,1,"I am a 13 year old boy \- I feel symptoms of anxiety \- I feel more stressed than I should be, and find it hard to concentrate on work, on a job that should take 20 minutes takes however long I have whist getting nothing done , and also things I consider fun \- Around my friends I try t be funny and normal, whilst still feeling scared of them judging me \- I feel sad often \- I contemplate my worth as a human \- I have felt like this for a while, and it has intensified with harder school work and doing less things I find fun If anyone could diagnose me or help me in any way possible that would be great feel free to ask any other questions. Thankyou",0.9502,positive,ashamed 1373,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_4,2,"Kid, all of that's pretty normal for someone your age. Probably you're just over-stressed. That can do a hell of a lot to a person when they're your age. Maybe there's something bigger going on, but probably you just need to talk to someone about the way you're feeling. That can be a therapist or a cousin or an older sibling, but it's good to talk through these things. Growing up is hard enough without being on your own.",0.6542,positive,suggesting 1373,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_1,3,"you do not need to go to a doctor to get a referral to a therapist. Just talk to your parents. Or to make it easier, print out what you wrote on this post and show it to them. Even if you do not have the diagnosis of depression, having your parents schedule an appointment with a therapist can help turn your life around. You will need ongoing appointments and don't expect any miracles in the first session. But if you are truthful and open with the therapist, they can help you sort through your feelings and teach you coping mechanisms. Plus, it's just really nice having someone to talk to who is always willing to listen. ",0.92,positive,trusting 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,1,"I work in an industry where I am off for a week at a time. I’m depressed from my separated wife, and I have my kids right now. I have no want to do anything, but I bring them lunch to school. I take them bowling, I make them their favorite dishes. I used to love doing things with them. Now I hate doing anything. I just want to be home, and when I go home, I want to turn myself inside out. I cry alone, while they’re outside playing, and tell them I’m fine. I see a therapist several times a month, and am on medication. I’m tired. I’m exhausted. I’m tired of this. What do I do?",-0.8693,negative,lonely 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_1,2,"I don’t have a whole lot to recommend other than keep doing your best and don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or family. As someone who was the child of a depressed parent, it’s the effort and small things that they did to make me feel like they care that I remember. As long as you’re meeting their basic needs, and they know they’re loved then you’re doing amazing. ",0.9705,positive,neutral 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,3,"I’m trying but I feel so left out. I have no family and the friends I have don’t offer much help. I haven’t lived in this town long, so I’m trying to feel everyone out, and see if they would be willing to help. ",0.8573,positive,lonely 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,4,I am seeing a therapist several times a month. And a psychiatrist. ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_2,5,"Your medication does not seem to be working. Speak to your psychiatrist about either increasing your dose or adding an additional medication. You need to take care of the behind-the-scenes stuff first before you will be at a point to work on interacting with your kids and feeling emotionally available to them. Please keep me updated and I will give you more pointers. But right now if you aren't even at a base where you feel stable (not the same as good or not depressed), it will be incredibly hard to be able to work on much to help improve your life. So address the meds as soon as possible. ",0.9616,positive,apprehensive 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_1,6,Are there any resources you can tap into? After school programs you can have your children join in? That can help elevate some stress. Their school can generally be a good point to start. ,0.6553,positive,questioning 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,7,I haven’t thought of that. I will look into it. Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_1,8,Good luck! ,0.7345,positive,wishing 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,9,"I see my psych Monday. I will ask her advice about increasing meds. Right now I’m 15mg/day lexapro, 1200 mg/day gabapenton. ",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_2,10,"I think max for Lexapro is 20mg. There still is not solid evidence on gabapentin helping unipolar depression. Some say it does but there still haven't been any comprehensive studies done on using neurontin/gabapentin for mood disorders. Personally I wouldn't venture out of the norm from known effective anti-depressants if you haven't actually gone through the gamut of trying everything. In other words, you psych should stick to meds known to treat depression rather than getting creative before trying the basics. Also, insurance can cut you off since depression is not the drug's indication. ",-0.6465,negative,apprehensive 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,speaker,11,Gab is for anxiety. Lexapro lac is 40,-0.1779,negative,apprehensive 1374,depressed,How to handle depression with kids.,listener_2,12,"Same for anxiety applies to what I said about gabapentin, there have been no comprehensive studies done to show its effectiveness for mood disorders. And if the max for Lexapro is 40, you are on a starter dose and it clearly is not enough. ",0.067,positive,agreeing 1375,depressed,Another Drag,speaker,1,"Every time I leave his company I light a cigarette and drive to the place we called home together. I don't even smoke but I already gave up smoking weed, getting drunk and needing him. I feel like i am allowed to have this. I accept that killing myself is also not a choice, that might have been the sick person i was but its not who i am, and that is not the girl he fell in love with. I light a smoke and take a drag after people ask how I am doing. I know they mean well but what do they want me to say? ""Yeah! totally peachy! I have discovered I am totally cool with loving and waiting for one man, irregardless if he ever comes back, being alone is not so bad!"" nah, I will just light a cigarette and smile and tell them I am fine. I don't know how I lost who I was but now that I am starting to feel like the old me all I see is this huge mess a sick me made and the hurt and indifference in his eyes. He kissed me and tried to have meaningless sex with me. the sick me would have just bent over and greedy for his attention done what ever he wanted. But me... the real me saw the hurt in him after and I fucking refuse to ever hurt him. So I light a cigarette and go to the place he and I made a home and sit in an empty house looking at the mess an unhealthy girl left me.",-0.9687,negative,guilty 1375,depressed,Another Drag,listener_1,2,"I hope you can one day forgive yourself for your past. Its hard to allow yourself to heal if you feel you should still be punished for your past. Feeling bad about how you may have acted or things you did in the past is normal, but at some point you do have to come to terms with it and put it behind you. Everyone should feel bad when they see they have acted poorly, but it shouldn't haunt you for the rest of your life. Consider what you could have done better, resolve to do better next time and allow yourself to forgive yourself and restart your life. Good luck, and if you ever need to vent or chat feel free to pm me anytime I'm happy to listen. I've been in some pretty dark places in my past but ever day I try to do better than the one before. ",0.9909,positive,consoling 1375,depressed,Another Drag,listener_1,3,"Think about it like this. If you resolve only to do better today than tomorrow as best you can, than you can never let yourself down long term. Even when you have a bad day, tomorrow is just around the corner. Consider your actions but don't dwell on them, every day is a new day. If you take up this mind set then you aren't always comparing today to your best days. Instead you may view it in a much more helpful light. If you only want to do better than yesterday and understand you aren't perfect and will make mistakes, than life is a lot easier IMHO. ",0.9431,positive,hopeful 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,1,"Yesterday, I slept the day away. I want to do that again but this time I wish I would never wake up again. I’m 19 and never had a job (I have applied to some before) because I’m nearly agoraphobic from bad anxiety. I’m *terrified* of going outside on my own just the thought makes me panic. It’s getting to the point where going out with parents is getting hard too. I can’t tell anyone about it. Why? Because they’ll say its an excuse. It’s a reason not to try, to stay “spoiled” and “reliant”. One even says that I’m lying about being in an abusive household because if I truly was, I would be doing anything necessary to get out. Is it so hard to understand that there’s something in me that’s holding me back? That’s eating away at even me? They don’t know how much it hurts to hear that when I open up to them out of confidence hoping for some help, for just someone to talk. So I help myself by sleeping or by trying to distract myself with temporary comforts. I used to self harm but I’m trying to stop, so far so good but knock on wood. During the times when I’m awake, it’s a constant itch to go back to self harming in someway and even with that I can’t tell anyone because just look at how “good” I’m doing. It’s getting to the point where I don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is that what I *really* want to do is go upstairs and slit my wrists, just make all of this go away.",-0.9491,negative,afraid 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_1,2,"It sounds to me like you need professional medical assistance, friend. Talking to people on the internet can only go so far when dealing with something as serious as agoraphobia or intense social anxiety. Do you think you can get professional help?",0.7717,positive,questioning 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,3,"Not at all unless I go on my own by bus and as you just read, that’s impossible for me.",0.0,neutral,terrified 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_1,4,There's no one that you know who could give you a ride? At all? Think really hard.,-0.5028,negative,lonely 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,5,"It’s downtown. I asked mom to drive me but the only places to park are either with a meter or in a garage. The office does have over the phone sessions but my phone is disconnected, it only runs when connected wifi (like right now) so I can’t make calls or text anything that isn’t an iphone.",0.5023,positive,annoyed 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_1,6,Is there no way you would be able to get it connected again?,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,7,It’s been like this for 2 years now.,0.3612,positive,neutral 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_1,8,Why did it get disconnected in the first place? &#x200B;,0.0,neutral,questioning 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,9,No money to pay it. Either me or the bills.,-0.3818,negative,sad 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_1,10,"The fact is, if having your phone turned off is what's keeping you from getting medical help, then you need to find a way to get it turned back on. I would offer to pay it myself but I currently don't have anything to spare. Would there be some distant relative that you could ask? Family friend? Heck, even making some kind of deal with your parents. Anything is better than nothing. ",0.8796,positive,grateful 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,11,"We’re cut off from the family. Family friend is barely getting by just like the rest of us. As for a deal with my parents, yeah that’s “Get out and get a job. We can’t always support you.” which I understand since they have a four year old to take care of too. Talking on here helps enough, it feels nice to be heard and know that not everyone will say the same thing.",0.9442,positive,agreeing 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,12,"Thanks, it’s nice enough to see that people here understand. I do write but found that isn’t too therapeutic since I’ve been having writers block but it’ll come around.",-0.25,negative,acknowledging 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,speaker,13,"I’ve tried meditation. Went out once and tried some meditation breathing, it helped a bit but not really.",0.0,neutral,neutral 1376,depressed,I’m so tired,listener_2,14,"While I find meditation useful for other things, I haven't found it to be very helpful when my anxiety spikes. Grounding is a bit different, it allieviates anxiety by focusing on what's really happening around you and not what's happening in your mind.",0.5563,positive,lonely 1377,depressed,"Really disappointed, upset, discouraged. Feel as if I bombed an exam. Feel horrible.",speaker,1,"Hey all, currently a student somewhere. I took a practical examination and ran out of time in what I was doing. I mean I did almost everything right before, missed 1 thing, out of like 5-6 steps, but I missed 2-3 additional things. I think that puts me at like a 6/10 or a 7/10. Didn't get my grade so maybe I still passed, but my goal is to pass. I really studied hard and practiced, every single weekend I spend my time practicing when other people don't even practice on weekends. I work very hard and just disappointed in how I did. I mean what Am I suppose to do? Very upset and depressed ",-0.9459,negative,hopeful 1377,depressed,"Really disappointed, upset, discouraged. Feel as if I bombed an exam. Feel horrible.",listener_1,2,Hey do not worry buddy! Mistakes are part and parcel of life. Do you think you will be able to retake this exam if you don’t get the expected marks?,0.5870000000000001,positive,questioning 1377,depressed,"Really disappointed, upset, discouraged. Feel as if I bombed an exam. Feel horrible.",listener_2,3,"really? you can't figure out why your comment was removed? We're here to help people feel better, not insult them. It really isn't that hard.",0.8490000000000001,positive,questioning 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,1,"I get like 5 free appointments with my school but every time I really think about going in and talking to a therapist, I can only envision a conversation where I realize im not depressed and this is a waste of my time. I mean, Im doing all the activities I like to do, Im eating and showering, and Im hanging out with friends, doing my hw. The only thing that grounds me and makes me want to go is the fact that I was cutting last week and that I missed every morning class this week. I feel like there is no reason not to go, but also like my situation doesnt warrant a session. I know everyone is going to say just go, theres no reason not to, you might as well. I mean, I would say the same if I saw someone say this so why do I feel like not going",0.9307,positive,apprehensive 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_1,2,"An advertising slogan from a telecom co was Its Good To Talk. And they're right. There is obviously something going on with you and, even if it turns out that you're not clinically depressed, a counsellor can help you figure it out and take actions to try and overcome it. I would suggest you take the opportunity whilst you have it. Best wishes x",0.9423,positive,wishing 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,3,"I know im not bc I used to be much worse and I was like 1 or 2 points off from being diagnosed as outpatient but I still would classify myself as depressed(back then) bc it obv affected me in a major way. But now its just like I have emotions and I dont know if they are normal and sometimes I get reoccurring negative thoughts but I think its because ive convinced myself that Im supposed to be depressed and supposed to have these thoughts. I dont know if that makes sense, i do want to see someone. They open monday so maybe",-0.6652,negative,neutral 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,4,My cuts arent deep enough to leave lasting scars or really hurt me as I dont have razors. I understand what you are saying though and I am leaning towards seeing the counselor,-0.7264,negative,agreeing 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_2,5,Learning effective beneficial coping skills now could make your entire life a lot better in the future.,0.836,positive,prepared 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,6,"i reckon. Although i dont see my cutting as a form of coping but more as an addiction that Im not really addicted to but dont care to stop. I dont know if that makes sense, I just do it because I like the effects, i never really cut when Im feeling super depressed and I dont do it that often. In those moments I usually reach out by making a post to reddit or messaging a friend",0.8995,positive,guilty 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_2,7,Why do you like the effects of cutting? ,0.25,positive,questioning 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,8,"idk its exhilirating I guess, its moved on to other things too. When I accidentally scrape my arm or bump something I think ""its ok it might make a cool mark"" and the sensation of pain is less of something to deal with and more of something interesting to experience. sry it took me a little to respond I was signed out of this account",0.0935,positive,surprised 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_2,9,"My sister used to cut a lot. Sometimes exposing fat layers and having to make up some story and get stitches. She has so many scars and keloids all over she doesn't like to wear short sleeves anymore and when she was in the hospital for something totally unrelated she said the nurses and even the doctors stared at her scars and made rude comments and she was pretty upset about it. She has scars all over. She said she would do it because the physical sensation and sight of blood would make the emotional pain and turmoil go into the background or even disappear for a while. She hasn't cut for a couple years now after a lot of therapy. Instead of using cutting to self-sooth, I did drugs which isn't any better as a beneficial coping mechanism for distress. It took me a long time to get past that. Ages. Take care of yourself and if you need help, be brave and honest and ask for it because there's somethings we can't get sorted out alone.",-0.5862,negative,disgusted 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,10,"Im scared of keloids. Im scared of cutting deep. Im scared im going to get the urge to do it anyway and go through with it. Im scared that Im slowly ruining my life due to my own shortcomings and one day Im going to realize how far Ive fallen and how little I want to continue. But for now Ill just hate myself in peace I suppose, I have that new bojack horseman season to hold me over for a little while",-0.906,negative,afraid 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_2,11,Yeah. I'm looking forward to it too. Sometimes that's all it takes to get us by - one tiny little good thing to look forward to at the end of the day. (It's a good thing to be scared of some things. Be good to yourself.),0.7722,positive,agreeing 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,12,yea... Im starting to see a counselor tomorrow or at least thats the plan. Hopefully things start looking up,0.4019,positive,consoling 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,13,"I saw a therapist for a couple months before starting college and it didnt really help me but I decided to go in because obviously something is wrong with me and I needed help. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist next week and we are going to see if medication is right for me and if so, get that sorted out",-0.3264,negative,apprehensive 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,listener_3,14,Nice man. Good luck. College takes time to adjust to. ,0.8271,positive,wishing 1378,depressed,I know I probably should see a therapist but I kind of feel like I shouldnt,speaker,15,thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1379,depressed,"Alone, sick, and wanting to die.",speaker,1,"I just don’t really see the point in life anymore. I’m not planning to do anything like kill myself but life just doesn’t seem livable anymore. You work to make money, you spend said money on things to live, and every once in a while something for temporary joy, but mostly you just wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed, get up and do it again. I see all my friends going on vacations, having parties and weddings and baby showers and having kids in general, and I’m over here doing nothing. I have friends, but not really. My husband is my only real friend. I’m lonely. I’m depressed, and I just want to sleep and die. It’s hard when you don’t want to be here but you want a family. And it’s hard being almost 25 and not having a lot to show for it. ",-0.0338,neutral,lonely 1379,depressed,"Alone, sick, and wanting to die.",listener_1,2,I was so depressed at your age for the same reasons. Please be patient. It’ll all come together. I promise. Hugs,0.3734,positive,hopeful 1379,depressed,"Alone, sick, and wanting to die.",speaker,3,Wow. I’m so sorry that happened. ,0.4951,positive,sympathizing 1379,depressed,"Alone, sick, and wanting to die.",listener_2,4,It’s okay man I just really want you to know that you are never alone. PM me if you have some stuff you need to vent about peace and Blessing ,0.873,positive,trusting 1380,depressed,How big is my burden,speaker,1,"Day after day i look for someone to help me raise this burden, this burden of depression, of anxiety, of wanting to die really bad. But they all ignored me, declined me, or threw me onto someone else, just a few weeks ago i had developed a good relationship with a good YouTuber Bijuu mike https://twitter.com/quarylics/status/1041355200269877248?s=19 (follow my twitter i post edgy shit there too) and i was ready to drop the bomb.. I thought i had it done, i thought someone would finally listen to me, he threw me away, what was i thinking?! He has 1.3 million fans, and people talked about how he fixed their depression, such a weak attempt to grasp some attention, i got this stupid concept of his called SOD which if you motivate him enough he would mention you in a video and specially thank you, i didn't feel happy though.. I felt closer to success... I dropped the bomb, he took way to long to reply, what did he say? ""Get some help ASAP"" what the fuck do you think i was doing?! What the fuck so you think i was trying to do?! I deleted all posts with me interacting with him, i unfollowed him, and i stopped watching his videos. Because i can't deal with the awkwardness whenever he sees my posts.. He was my last resort, all my friends already declined me. For each person who throws me away, i add an extra cut on my left arm, now i have 16 cuts including Bijuu mike, but this 16th cut was special, i actually felt positive watching his videos, i felt good.. So i drew a heart with my cutter on my flesh. It looks really bad, it's kind of deep too. I can't take it anymore",-0.6751,negative,lonely 1380,depressed,How big is my burden,listener_1,2,Please remove the link to your twitter or I will have to remove the post. And do not rely on a youtuber to help you. You need to seek out professional help and you definitely need to talk with a therapist. ,0.8555,positive,agreeing 1380,depressed,How big is my burden,speaker,3,"Right away, plus he has some knowledge of these things",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1380,depressed,How big is my burden,listener_1,4,"I can guarantee I have far more knowledge of depression than he does and yet the first advice I give anyone is to seek professional help. Therapy helps you unpack your life and gives you coping mechanisms. From your short post I can already see issues that certainly need to be discussed with a therapist that only repeat sessions will help you identify and change. And then if medication is needed, it's not a state people can get to just by thinking hard. Medication doesn't cure depression but it gets you to a state where your mind and energy are able to actually tackle the thoughts and behaviors causing depression. From what I've seen from posts on here, youtubers can help you commiserate and find someone who makes you feel not as alone. But they rarely actually provide the practical help that is needed to fight depression for the majority of people. While it is possible to fight depression on your own, many of those cases are mild depression and the person just needs to make some obvious changes in their life, or it isn't actually depression at all and just a slump or low self esteem. But I would never take the chance of not recommending someone to professional help as a first step because the sooner you get help, the sooner you will be helping yourself to get better and be able to move on with your life. Usually the longer you stay in depression without help, the worse it gets. ",-0.6948,negative,agreeing 1380,depressed,How big is my burden,speaker,5,"I can totally approve to that, after all i am a suicide survior, its because i thought a fucking tie can hold my neck long enough for me to pass out, now im not allowed to stay home alone XD",-0.2422,negative,agreeing 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,1,I've tried counseling but it's my first time actually going to a psychiatrist. I feel kind of nervous. Mental illness is a dark topic in the place I live(not USA) and no one dares to talk about it so I haven't told anybody including my parents. My mom thinks depression doesn't exist and it's just an excuse for people being weak. Anyways it was a big decision for me and I wonder how it will turn out. I'm scared what if it turns out that I'm not suffering from depression and this is just what I am and how I'm built. ,-0.9373,negative,apprehensive 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,listener_1,2,"I know I don’t know you, but im so glad you’re getting treatment. Best of luck ",0.9524,positive,wishing 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,3,Thank you!!,0.4738,positive,wishing 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,4,Thank you sooo much for your kind words. It means a lot to me <3,0.7096,positive,grateful 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,5,Hey thanks for your advice I think that'd really help. I kinda forgot the words I wanted to say so I'll do that on my next appointment :) Thank you,0.8858,positive,acknowledging 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,6,Hey it went well I think. The psychiatrist was really gentle and warm. She listened well and comforted me and told me positive things like that it might seem like I lost my time by being depressed( I was depressed in my high school senior year so I couldn't go to college.) but that some people get a breakdown once in their life and mine just came earlier and that this can become my inner strength. I've started taking pills too. I am depressed and I'm finding a way to overcome this and I haven't lost hope so I guess that's good. I really want to be good ,0.9232,positive,grateful 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,listener_2,7,You're welcome!,0.5093,positive,wishing 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,listener_3,8,That took lots of courage to ask for help so like that’s awesome and i’m really glad to hear the appointment went well. Stay strong! ,0.9701,positive,acknowledging 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,9,Thank you<3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1381,depressed,yikes I'm going to the psychiatrist for the first time in my life tomorrow,speaker,10,Thank you<3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",speaker,1,"I'm almost 30. Great career. Amazing wife. Great social life. Well liked (I think). And I'm in a couple professional leadership positions. A bright future to look forward to. I can't help but be sad every day. I just want to cry. I don't know why. I can't go home and open up all this shit to my wife. That's not fair to her. I can talk to her but I don't want to burden her with a bunch of sad BS that I can't even explain. Gotta stay strong for her. I constantly distract myself from sadness, but it always comes back. My life is fucking good. Why do I feel so goddamn shitty?",-0.9644,negative,sad 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",listener_1,2,"Sounds like depression. Not an emotional kind, but actually a chemical imbalance problem in the body. See your regular physician. They can help with this. They may take blood tests to see what is off balance, or they may just prescribe something. Don’t wait though. You don’t have to, so don’t keep being miserable since you don’t have to. People need to treat this like any other problem with the body. Don’t be ashamed, just go see a dr. Btw... #notadoctor just have a similar problem",-0.8978,negative,questioning 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",listener_2,3,They aren't going to perform blood tests. ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",listener_1,4,"Mine did. Full panel workup to find if there was anything else going on. Not saying that the same hung happens to everyone, but it does happen. ",0.0,neutral,neutral 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",listener_2,5,I thought you meant blood tests for depression. But I would never recommend going to a regular physician for mental health. They are not experts and have little to no training. They just read an instruction sheet. ,-0.7504,negative,trusting 1382,depressed,"My life is good, why do I feel this way?",listener_1,6,Wouldn’t that be awesome to just have a test for that? ,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 1383,depressed,I’m miserable,speaker,1,"I’m so severely depressed. I constantly have nightmares of killing myself, and when I’m awake I can’t stop thinking about how better off I’d be if I was dead. I’m constantly lost inside my own head. I’m zoned out 99% of the time deep in thought of what the world would be like without me...and it’s always much better. Nobody notices me when I’m not around. Nobody cares to check up on me. I cry myself to sleep every single night. People always say “if you need help I’m always here” but nobody ever helps. And I feel like such shit because of it. I really don’t know how much longer I can take all of this suffering. I’m tired of the “it gets better” because it doesn’t. I’ve waited my whole entire life, and it hasn’t gotten better.",-0.9102,negative,sad 1383,depressed,I’m miserable,listener_1,2,What have you done to help it get better? Nothing gets better on its own. Have you sought professional help? Have you taken a look at your life to see what things you would like to change or are causing you problems? ,0.7379,positive,questioning 1383,depressed,I’m miserable,listener_1,3,"Unless you are living in poverty, find the money to pay for it. There are often sliding scale options for payment at clinics in your area. You just have to call around. It's your life, it's worth every penny. Saving money won't mean much if you end up dead. But you can try to elaborate on your situation here so people can provide input. Also look at the two pinned posts on this subreddit with tons of resources. ",-0.5499,negative,suggesting 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,speaker,1,"*Heads up this’ll be a rant* I’m tired of my problems being one-upped. I’m tired of being scared all the time. I’m tired of being told I’m making excuses, that I’m lying, that I’m not trying, that my problems aren’t as bad as I think they are because *”Your lucky you have a roof over your head and food. Some people don’t have that.” I just want someone to understand for once that I do, I really fucken do just want to go outside for once. I just want to go for a long walk on my own, by myself and sit in a park for awhile as I watch the world pass by. I want to look up at the stars and feel the cool breeze in my hair gently nipping at my skin while I listen to the rustle of the leaves in the trees. It’d be quite a walk since I’m in a city and theres no park anywhere near here. I could probably do it. People walk places all the time. It’s just I’m so goddamn afraid. I’m so tired and done.",-0.9775,negative,angry 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,listener_1,2,I walk around every day with dogs. It is very soothing. You could probably do it. Maybe you could volunteer to walk shelter dogs once in a while. They're always so happy when people do that.,0.8092,positive,caring 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,speaker,3,"I do have dogs of my own, could always walk them but I also have abusive parents. If I say I want to take the dogs out. They’ll always say: *Why where would you go? Don’t you know it’s a bad neighborhood?* *What do you want to go out for?* *No. You have to have one of us with you.*",-0.904,negative,annoyed 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,listener_1,4,How bad a neighborhood do you live in if it's unsafe even to walk dogs? Perhaps the parents are a way too over-protective? Where do the dogs poo if you can't even walk them? It doesn't seem healthy. ,-0.7429,negative,afraid 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,speaker,5,"We have a yard, although its very small yard but its big enough for them to go and come back. I agree although I do half understand were they’re coming from but aside from a few shoot outs now and then which mainly happens at night. It’s quite safe since I would do it at 6 or 8 in the morning. To put in perspective how overprotective they are, I’ll say this: They’ve even held be back from [getting jobs](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/90iqau/comment/e2qrzjo?st=JM9SJJ9J&sh=a94f3fcd) before. Then before then they kept me from having school friends because “They’ll be bad influences.” “Way too over-protective” doesn’t even begin to cover it.",0.5913,positive,trusting 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,listener_1,6,"This is not a healthy relationship. My parents were somewhat similar but I ran away from home so they couldn't stop me. It has taken a long time for me to get over the fears and shame and scars. My parents told me not to trust anyone outside the family and also would never let me bring home school friends, etc. The few that did come over only came once because my parents behaved poorly. It was a huge struggle. I urge you to get away from the parents so that you can have a bit more freedom and less crazy.",-0.147,negative,faithful 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,speaker,7,"I do have a [plan to get away](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOFAMILY/comments/90iqau/comment/e2qto0o?st=JM9WH44Y&sh=1dbc1930) but as you can see in the link, it involves a permit. I’ve been having no luck getting it.",-0.4973,negative,annoyed 1384,depressed,I’m so done with myself,listener_1,8,Don't stop trying. It's worth it.,0.4191,positive,questioning 1385,depressed,Online friend stopped talking to me..,speaker,1,"I found this friend on reddit, and we were talking for 5 months now (since April 11), usually daily. The talks were conversational, not just every once in a while messages. There were literally thousands and thousands of 'messages' here during that time. We shared photos of certain places and things, different countries. We were apparently both close and alone in our real lives. I even said I could visit this friend in their country one day. But then, of course, I'm uninteresting and boring. So this friend, just a day or two ago, said he or she didn't want to have ""usual boring talks"" anymore. I realized our talks were usually boring and stupid, though very many. But I told this friend maybe we could talk sometimes, not even everyday anymore. But no response. Perhaps this friend found someone better to talk to, whether on the internet or/and in real life. But this freaking sucks. All those thousands and thousands of messages, daily conversations, hopes and dreams, wasted..Because apparently our talks reached a boiling point for this friend, and he or she didn't want to talk with me anymore. Sorry if this subreddit isn't the best place to post this...But I'm feeling depressed from this. I don't know what to do. I don't have any real life friends. And apparently this friend said he or she didn't, either. So I wonder why all of a sudden he or she decided to stop talking to me? Why now? Ugh... btw: I know the gender of this friend, because he or she sent me photos, albeit faceless photos of them. But I'll just say 'he or she', or they to refer to this person. Again, we were kinda close. So this sucks. I had hopes and dreams to see this person in their country. So I don't know what to do. ",0.9597,positive,trusting 1385,depressed,Online friend stopped talking to me..,speaker,2,"I think I shouldn't have gotten to attached to this person. I have no friends or know anyone in real life, so...This was pointed out to me, and again, I shouldn't have gotten so attached. But I thought things were going fine, even if the talks were boring and uninteresting. I mean, it was 5 months after all. ",-0.3668,negative,trusting 1385,depressed,Online friend stopped talking to me..,listener_1,3,"Try to find someone better, he/she was a bad person , if he/she was your true friend they he/she wouldn’t have stopped talking to you.You deserve to be with someone better and not like him/her. Use social media or go out to find friends who will stay with you forever and not leave you out of the blue . ",0.8195,positive,angry 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,1,"I keep envisioning how I will be able to do all these things and how life will be better on meds. But I cant shake the idea that Im not thinking of life without depression but just an idealized version of myself. Also Im worried bc Im notoriously horrible at swallowing pills so that will be a tough option. Also, If the psychiatrist decides not to put me on meds I will be dissapointed bc then I will be truly hopeless of improving",0.6882,positive,apprehensive 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,listener_1,2,"I can't say I know exactly what you're going through but I've got a mad case of anxiety myself and I've been put on 20mgs of parox a day and I've found it does help. At first I thought I was useless because I thought that I was too dependant on the drug to live a normal life but one of my friends made me realise that everyone is just as dependant as I am. You just have to remember that these things in your head that cause you to feel so depressed are just an imbalance and a lack of chemicals that your body requires to function properly, the pills just balance it out and give us a proper dose of it so we can be ""normal."" Everyone reacts differently but the general consensus is that you'll probably feel like you've been sapped of emotion at first but after that 2-3 week hump you'll hopefully start to notice a huge difference. I hope you get the help you need and become better off because of it. Have a good one mate, stay strong.",0.9592,positive,trusting 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,3,this is reassuring to hear. So when you first start medication are those first couple weeks really tough/does it take a while to kick in?,0.4019,positive,questioning 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,4,That sounds great. Im not sure how it will affect me because I dont have panic attacks but Im sure it will help. One thing Im worried about is a side effect that makes it more difficult to sleep bc I already lay in bed for hours before falling asleep(like now),0.4085,positive,apprehensive 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,listener_1,5,Depending on what they give you it might help. Luckily for me a side effect was drowsiness and it really helped with the sleep apnea. That was a joke but for real it did help me ,0.7992,positive,neutral 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,6,Honestly though Ill take less sleep if it helps. Side effects might suck but they will be preferable to what Im going through rn,-0.0129,neutral,neutral 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,listener_1,7,I hope it all goes well and you genuinely feel a difference that makes you feel happy. ,0.8271,positive,consoling 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,8,"Thanks, Im really happy you found my post you were very informative and helpful",0.8737,positive,grateful 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,9,"seeing a therapist for 3 months, and I know I would need to go longer than 3 months but I actually got worse during that time. I worked out and exercised, and I took vitamin d pills. Lessened my stress, talked to friends about it. Read advice amd tried to follow ot and read dr burns feeling good",0.5719,positive,prepared 1386,depressed,Going on meds soon hopefully,speaker,10,Yea thats the least I can do,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 1387,depressed,Anti depressants,speaker,1,I want to go on anti depressants bc I’ve always just bed sad or feel empty. It’s been like this for the past 4 years. But I don’t want my parents to know what I’m going through right now. I’m Turing 18 in a couple of days. Is there any way I could get anti depressants without my parents knowing? ,-0.836,negative,apprehensive 1387,depressed,Anti depressants,listener_1,2,"You cant just go in any anti depressants, They will have to test what works for you and what doesn’t. You will need to go and see a combination of physiologist and psychiatrists to figure out what the actual problem is and work towards a solution from there. Why cant you talk to your parents about it?",-0.6486,negative,questioning 1387,depressed,Anti depressants,listener_2,3,not all parents think mental illnesses like depression are to be taken specifically. especially immigrant/asian parents. talking from personal experience. ,-0.6597,negative,agreeing 1387,depressed,Anti depressants,listener_1,4,"I know it will be hard but then you need to educate them. What you could always ask the pharmacy for is mood stabilizers or natural anti anxiety meds like rescue remedy Do yourself a favor and read up on mindfulness, helped me a lot.",0.8834,positive,suggesting 1388,depressed,Missed out on college experience,speaker,1,I’m 24 years old and graduated college a year ago. I managed to find a decent paying job but I can’t help but get mad at myself for not making an effort to meet new people. Without giving my life story but I grew up poor so even with financial aid i was working 2 jobs to help pay for school and rent. Now I’ve noticed I’ve been getting depressed. I really thought life after college would be better. I have tried dating but nothing really serious. Anyone else have had the same issue? I wish I wasn’t so introverted or focused solely on school because those are years I can’t get back. I never even went to one party in college and my pr*ck of a boss always talks about his college fraternity days which pathetic as this sounds make me envious. Anyway the only things I’ve been doing to fill the void are the gym and tinder...is this really gonna be the rest of my life? What can I do to something fun or meet new people?,0.5775,positive,ashamed 1388,depressed,Missed out on college experience,listener_1,2,"Your life will get better as you find out that your boss is only happy with his college partys because maybe that was the highlight of his life, I was poor growing up and paid for my only year of college. The other time i was working and ended up partying at every college i could to feel the void . Partying feels great to the fact that your sad and need to feel that self assurance. Luckily you have skipped this part and have the gift of being able to see yourself as person that can contribute positively to this society. the right girl is around the corner and your going to realize that none of us fucking college partiers have any real memory of something great its all a fassad to make ourselves feel better , i remember the people i met not he partys &#x200B;",0.9859,positive,grateful 1388,depressed,Missed out on college experience,speaker,3,"Really sorry for the late reply, I started volunteering and it’s been fun. I’ve been able to meet new people so each time I’m getting more confident to get out of my comfort zone. It’s nothing too big but it’s just nice having something to do outside of work. It is tough because I live in a small city so there’s only so much. Even though you’re 33 it’s never too late to go back to school :) while in college believe it or not I had a 73 year old classmate. And thank you so much for your response and kind words. I also wish you the best in your future endeavors. ",0.9834,positive,sympathizing 1388,depressed,Missed out on college experience,speaker,4,"I sincerely apologize for the late response, works been hectic. Anyway thank you so much for your reply. You’re absolutely right my boss tends to glamorize his college days but in reality it’s just him realizing that was his highlight. I’ve been focusing on doing activities outside of work besides gym and tinder dates lol. Like adult sports clubs and volunteering. And I’m also saving up to go to Hawaii in the summer. Again thank you so much for your reply have a wonderful rest of the day.",0.9726,positive,sympathizing 1389,depressed,I'm at my limit.,speaker,1,"Work has never been easy, but now it's toxic. My bosses are making my life a living hell because I stood up for myself (for once). All their friends are turning their backs on me. So today I went out with some old friends to help cheer myself up, one of my friends had a fit because I was confused by their reaction to the resteraunt we all agreed to once we arrived and he said he would never speak to me again and left. My mother isn't talking to me because I couldn't make it to see her on a specific date. Lastly, my therapist has been out for weeks due to surgery. I have PTSD and depression and I tend to have (suicidal thoughts) during and right before my period. Guess what? I have been dealing with my period through all of this as well. I know it's irrational, but I feel like the world is turning against me and I don't know how to go on. I didn't expect everyone to become so mad at me all at once. I'm a pretty meek and quiet type of person that most people overlook. I'm not used to all this negative attention. I have lost all confidence in myself and I spend hours a day crying. How do I pick myself up when I feel like giving up completely? ",-0.1531,negative,angry 1389,depressed,I'm at my limit.,listener_1,2,Good for you for standing up for yourself! The dinner thing is confusing and so is your mom not talking to you. Aside from all of that you’ve got this! Hormones happen but standing up for yourself is awesome! Especially if you’re not used to it. Soon it will be second nature. The world is a better place with you in it. What do you do for work?,0.9165,positive,questioning 1389,depressed,I'm at my limit.,speaker,3,"I felt that explaining in detail my mother and friend would be too much. So, I understand it's confusing, but the back story would just take too much time to explain. The point I'm making is that many people are saying they don't like me and it's upsetting. I believe it's because I'm standing up for myself, which is extremely difficult. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I teach elementary school. I stand up for my kids, which is partially why I got in trouble. Then I stood up for me and people are now livid. What is worse is that when the administration attacks me, the kids that suffer as well. When I'm rational, I can remember that my husband supports me and that many co-workers have come to support me as well. People keep telling me the positive changes I have made for our students, but I'm having trouble believing them. I'm just scared to go forward. I don't want my students punished because people are mad at me. I want to help my students, but I also want to help me. If administration just punished me, I probably wouldn't be so sad... I just feel I shouldn't have stood up for me. ",-0.9905,negative,faithful 1389,depressed,I'm at my limit.,listener_2,4,"I don’t see why you should be ashamed to admit that you teach elementary school :) It is such an under appreciated but extremely important job and you should at least be proud of how much you care about your students. Remember that you can only do what is within your power and ability. There will be times in life when you desperately want to fix something, do something, and there’s just no way. Those moments and times are the worst. I don’t know if that is the case in your situation and it’s okay if you don’t feel like specifying. But if it is, you have to make the best of it, you have to stay strong. You want to help people, you want to stand up for those who can stand up for themselves. And those qualities make you immeasurably valuable for everyone around you, even if they can’t see it. Things will get better. I believe in you :)",0.9902,positive,ashamed 1389,depressed,I'm at my limit.,speaker,5,"That brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. I feel embarrassed because there are 12 little kids looking up to me, and inside I feel like I'm falling apart. I don't want to get into specifics due to privacy issues. I did the best I could for my students. However, administration doesn't always want what is best for the students. There really isn't much more I can do now, except give my all to the kids and bear the backlash of administration until they find something else to focus on. ",0.8383,positive,ashamed 1390,depressed,Why am I still depressed,speaker,1,"I've been diagnosed with depression when I was 14, now Im 19. I have a great life, family that loves and cares for me, friends, a girlfriend that Im grateful for and studying in a collage I wanted to get to with a scholarship, yet whenever Im left alone with my thoughts it suddenly goes into dark places. Ive tried to commit suicide twice and luckily survived without anyone finding out. The only person that even knows I tried is my girlfriend, although I haven't told her that my suicidal thought are still there, but I never planned on going through with them for over a year now. I don't know what to do anymore, why doesn't it go away? I haven't talked to a professional for almost 2 years. This post will serve as me screaming into the void since I dont know what else I could do.",0.2732,positive,lonely 1390,depressed,Why am I still depressed,listener_1,2,I feel you bro,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1390,depressed,Why am I still depressed,speaker,3,"I know Im not alone, I knew 2 close friends who committed suicide and my girlfriend also has diagnosed depression. The thing that infuriates me is that even tho now I have going in my favor I still cant get away from the thoughts.",-0.6322,negative,furious 1390,depressed,Why am I still depressed,listener_2,4,"Depression is a daily battle , we get to win that battle almost every day , embrace that and understand there is something you can always do to make other people life a little better , the change you feel in yourself will feel amazing ",0.5584,positive,consoling 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,1,"I always worried before going into college that I would waste my parents money and not succeed. Now that Im here, im behind in classes because I keep missing lectures and Im not doing hw. Im trying to catch up now but Im so far behind its discouraging, no way I finish my hw before its due in an hour and a half bc I have to teach myself the material before I can do it. And Im not even sure if the major I chose is right for me. The only thing Ive enjoyed about college so far is playing videogames with people that go here. So I only do that and its killing me. My only hope at this point is that I go on antidepressants and my life turns around!... but that sounds too hopeful. I am going to fail and let down my parents and let down myself. I dont know what to do. I dont know the material in any class after week 1 bc Ive missed so many lectures. Things are terrible, I wish I wasnt so fucked up. I make terrible decisions. I really hope I dont ruin this, I dont know what I'd do. Im scared if I let things fall apart, I wont be able to get out of a deeper hole I will be put into and will feel guilty pushing me further and further down until suicidal thoughts become an active concern and my self harm returns with a much more destructive behavior",-0.9771,negative,apprehensive 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,listener_1,2,"When I went to college, there was free counseling because a LOT of people were struggling. It was a relief to talk about these issues with someone trained to help. Check out your school and see if they provide this service. Many do because they are needed.",0.743,positive,trusting 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,3,I already did and I have an appointment to see a psychiatrist since therapy has never worked (prb bc of the whole you need to want to fix yourself for therapy to help thing) but the worry is still there,-0.431,negative,apprehensive 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,listener_1,4,There is no such thing as success or failure irl. We all end up in the same place in the end. The thing is to learn to enjoy yourself regardless of what's going on and to do that you have to be OK with how you are now instead of condemning yourself harshly. The best goal to work on is your own happiness.,0.9206,positive,proud 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,5,I dont know I consider not passing my classes as failing. Not only in terminology but failing myself,-0.765,negative,ashamed 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,6,I think my biggest issue is that I cant apply these strategies because I keep missing class,-0.29600000000000004,negative,ashamed 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,listener_2,7,Then stop missing class.,-0.5267,negative,questioning 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,8,That would be the big brain play,0.34,positive,acknowledging 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,9,"I really want to graduate and I want to go through with this... Im just not sure Im capable. And in the event that I drop out, I am quite literally throwing away my parents money as Im very fortunate that they are able to pay for my tuition. I couldnt live with that guilt. Or, I feel like I have the capability to do this, but I just dont. Im not doing schoolwork, im not making friends. I have another midterm that I will prb fail tmrw. I understand the consequences of my actions but I do nothing to change them and just feel bad about myself for it",-0.9314,negative,ashamed 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,listener_3,10,"It may sound corny and weird but give tony Robbins a listen , try and embrace what he suggest even if you have to listen to it to just pump yourself up enough to get something done it helps me ",0.7184,positive,agreeing 1391,depressed,I well and truly believe I will fail at every qspect of my life I care about without serious support,speaker,11,"I've never heard of tony robbins but Ill check him out, cant hurt",-0.0093,neutral,suggesting 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,speaker,1,"My life has only been becoming worse since my latest birthday which I had become 16... I managed to get control my emotions for sad moments whenever depression hits me with a mental breakdown. I was able to raise my reputation at my school, but then my father lost his job last year (still unemployed) and we're depending on my mother for money, which quit her job for private reasons. I had mental break down last night, i hadn't experienced one in such a long time it felt scarier than the first time. Today, i wanted to go get groceries but my father only gave me 20£ and told me it was all he has, in the whole house, this is the only me HE owns. Which is fucked up for a once spoiled person like me. I asked why the internet was so slow and my father told me he hasn't payed the subscription yet, they might cut us anytime. Speaking of cutting, i got over self harm last month, during my mental breakdown i cut my self on my arm, it's very deep i had to bandage it this morning,( my parents weren't home when i was breaking down) and i can't dare to ask to go to a therapy, we literally can't afford to go to a cinema at this point, i asked my girl friend and she was speakless, i shouldn't have done that though. Im on the vurge of ending it all, it surely is going to be easier for my parents to afford life without me. No school payments, no need to feed a son, no need for therapy, but i can't do it. I'm too weak. Please suggest any help",-0.8961,negative,sad 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,listener_1,2,"It’s their job to take care of you. Your parents should be doing whatever it takes to make sure you are doing ok, have food, and all that. Call child protective services, let them help. Tell your school counselor, they can help, too. Don’t give up. ",0.872,positive,caring 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,listener_2,3,"I agree with this. Why have your parents not signed up for food stamps or something, temporarily, until their job predicament improves??!! You are not a burden. You are just a teen. Their job is to take care of you. Please don't think of yourself this way. If you feel spoiled, then get a part time job to help out. Taking your life is no answer.. It will actually make your parents more depressed and guilty, while your siblings will have no one to look up to and be in your current shoes at a much younger age.",0.6997,positive,agreeing 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,speaker,4,I can't handle being more of a burden to my parents,-0.4877,negative,ashamed 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,listener_1,5,"You are not a burden. Keep telling yourself that. It is their job as parents to take care of you. Just like at your job, you have to take care of customers, those customers are not a burden. That’s what you signed up for. Them being your parents means they signed up to take care of you, and love you, for your whole life. If they suck at their job, it’s their fault, not yours. If you have to start taking care of yourself, then take that job seriously and do the best you can. Get the help you need, whatever it takes. Don’t let them make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself, and doing their job. ",0.9759,positive,trusting 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,speaker,6,"Trust me, as a kid i was very spoiled, seriously spoiled. I had a golden Parker pen worth 100+£. I had a full room just for toys and playing or gaming, and i had much much more! I used to go to schools on the level of Oxford university and Cambridge. They would compete with us and we actually won a bunch of times. Is that all still not enough?! Do you want them to steal to make me eat quality food? Im fine with having a shit life for a while, at least none of my little siblings know about it. Im not fine with having them pay 70-100£ a month in order to make me ""feel better"" and eat some pills. If you come to think about it for so long like i did, it's unavoidable killing myself is the only true answer",0.7229,positive,surprised 1392,depressed,I'm on the verge of killing my self,speaker,7,Well my childhood isn't to be glad i survived nor be thankful. I wouldn't survive puberty anyway,-0.0201,neutral,neutral 1393,depressed,Life fell off,speaker,1,"I used to be a happy ass dude. In school I had a lot of friends and I was friendly with everyone and most of the people that met me wanted to be my friend. Not trying to sound cocky but I had a good life, great marks, good family life and gf with sweet rack. Then in my last year of high school I ended up fucking it all up and life spiraled out of control so fast I felt like I unintentionally sabotaged myself. I ended up being single and alone, fucking random chicks I meet at bars or tinder but nothing makes me feel whole and every time I get close to being happy I push them away or make them think I don’t care. I ended up failing my last year and it took me 3 more years to complete it, I went to university and dropped out in 1 semester and I am now not in school, blah blah blah blah whenever I get close To being happy, even with a single aspect in life, I fuck it up somehow. Tl:dr I had a good life and it crumbled and now when good shit happens i fumble it and I’m now 20 years old with nothing in my life I just burn all my days and energy away because I’m sick of losing everything every time I try work to have something in my life. ",0.9737,positive,ashamed 1393,depressed,Life fell off,listener_1,2,"What caused the turning point? Was it a specific moment or incident? Have you seen a therapist about it? No worries about rushing back to school. My brother and I both didn't go to college until we were 24/25 for different reasons; some of mine due to depression. I suggest reaching out to a counselor or therapist. Even if you don't know what is wrong, I found it helps to talk about it and kind of word vomit to them. You can find out what may be causing this to happen to you. ",-0.3834,negative,questioning 1393,depressed,Life fell off,speaker,3,"I’ve never really talked to anyone about my depression (other than on this platform), I’ve always thought about talking to a therapist but never got the chance to. Thanks for the suggestion, there’s a medical centre near my house and it’s worth going there and asking around to see if anyone there can talk to me. ",0.4098,positive,suggesting 1394,depressed,I’m Lonely,speaker,1,"Why can’t I find anyone to love me? Like fuck, I know I’m not very attractive or anything, but I just want something real. I want someone around to support me and love me, but I guess I don’t deserve it. I used to get with girls easily, but now everyone just ignores me to the point where I never have a chance with anyone. People tell me “You don’t need a relationship, focus on yourself”, but that’s easy to say for the people that can feel that way with themselves. I love affection, and it hurts that I can’t get it anywhere. Not to mention, even if you’re in a relationship you can still focus on yourself, you don’t need to revolve your world around that person. I don’t love myself to make up from the lack of a girl’s love, because I’m depressed as shit and I’m still working on it. I just don’t know what to do. My life is failing, and this is just a huge piece of what’s going on rn.",0.9673,positive,disappointed 1394,depressed,I’m Lonely,listener_1,2,Me too :( I hope everything becomes alright ,0.25,positive,consoling 1394,depressed,I’m Lonely,speaker,3,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 1395,depressed,Really need advice or someone to talk to,speaker,1,Girlfriend of 3 years which we have been living together for almost 2 of them cheated on me and likes some other dude currently in college and living off student loans so if i kick her out i wont be able to afford rent or i can let her stay and keep getting cucked incredibly depressed and just really feel like everything is hopeless havent felt happy for a long time,-0.8081,negative,sad 1395,depressed,Really need advice or someone to talk to,listener_1,2,"Could you post to craigslist and a local subreddit looking for a new roommate? You could get someone lined up before kicking her out to make sure you can afford rent. I’m sorry this is happening to you, and I hope you start feeling happier soon. It will happen.",0.8316,positive,sympathizing 1395,depressed,Really need advice or someone to talk to,speaker,3,Thanks means a lot and thanks for the advice I'll give it a shot,0.7003,positive,acknowledging 1396,depressed,"Depressed again, need to vent about health concerns and my relationship",speaker,1,"I was diagnosed with depression at age 20, went through 7 months of therapy and was cured. Three years later it’s happening again. I’ve been feeling this episode come on for several months but it wasn’t bad enough to do anything about. The last 6 weeks have really hammered it home though. I’m depressed. I am currently waiting for the results of a genetic test to determine if I have a BRCA1 mutation which increases the risk of breast cancer by ~50-75%. My great grandmother died at 34 from it, my grandmother died at 32, and my mother had a preventative surgery to avoid it all. Cancer has decimated my mom’s side of the family, and I’m getting close to the age my grandmother was diagnosed. If I inherited my mom’s mutation, I’ve decided to undergo the prophylactic bilateral mastectomy and reconstruction to remove and replace my breasts within a year. I’m terrified that I’ll be one of the many women with complications, who have to have their boobs reconstructed multiple times and end up with mutilated, disfigured breasts. And the unknown, will I have to do it or not, is slowly killing me. I have three weeks of waiting to go before I know the future of my breasts. I have a tendency to obsess over things that stress me out. The uncertainty has consumed me. I think about my chances of having the mutation, the invasive surgeries I’ll need if I do have it, what my breasts are like now and what they’ll be like after. I can’t stop thinking about it, all day, every day, unless I have a strong distraction.. I’ve only found two things that can really distract me. One is amazing cuddles with my cats, who are both incredibly affectionate. Unfortunately, since they are cats, these cuddles are 90% up to their whims so it isn’t consistent. The other is dreaming about my future with my boyfriend of over 5 years. I think I have such a huge negative thing looming in the future that I’m turning to a huge positive thing to combat it. I was never one of those girls who dreamed about their wedding as a child or even as a teenager, I really only started about 6 months ago when we had our anniversary. So to escape my fears of cancer and mutilated post-surgery breasts, I dream about getting engaged and married to the man I’ve loved for 5 years. But I have to keep it to myself, or I set myself up for tears and unhappiness. My boyfriend is currently too stressed out from work to support me emotionally, since he just started a new job 5 weeks ago with a terrible boss and team. He doesn’t have the room in his head to start worrying about an engagement and wedding too, so he mostly gets uncomfortable or upset when I bring it up. I’m not trying to push him into anything. I’ve accepted his timeline for those plans, mostly at least. Can I still accept it and be saddened by it simultaneously? I just wish we were on the same page. It hurts that the only thing I look forward to right now brings him so much stress. I’m finally posting to vent and doing something about this (ie finding a therapist today) because it has come to a head of sorts. I actually had a dream about the proposal and wedding last night, and woke up really happy. I wanted to be able to say “wow i must really love this particular style of ring for it to show up in my dreams” to my boyfriend, but the knowledge that it would just stress him out made me break down crying. Yesterday I almost cried because my cats wouldn’t cuddle with me. I have no coping skills for the fears that are consuming me, and the two distractions I use aren’t really helping me. One is actively making it worse. I’m crying too much, I’m focusing too hard on too few things in my life, and I’m incredibly unhappy. It’s time to go back to therapy, time to get back on those anti-depressants. I won’t pass my calc class like this. ",-0.9959,negative,sad 1396,depressed,"Depressed again, need to vent about health concerns and my relationship",listener_1,2,"Sounds like you got a lot going on. Life is sadly full of stress and you will have more. May I suggest invest the time now while you are young (I assume) to learn more healthy ways to cope with stress. Some skills you will use your whole life, coping with stress will be one of them. I wish I started actively learning coping skills when I was much younger. ",-0.1796,negative,acknowledging 1396,depressed,"Depressed again, need to vent about health concerns and my relationship",speaker,3,"I am planning to go back to therapy to learn better coping skills. I thought I had great coping skills before this, thanks to my time in therapy, but they are all related to every day things like staying happy when my job/school/family are stressing me out, or I’m having self esteem issues. These health concerns are on a completely different level and none of the coping mechanisms I learned are helping me. ",0.9265,positive,disappointed 1396,depressed,"Depressed again, need to vent about health concerns and my relationship",listener_1,4,"I'll glad you are willing and able to get help, many aren't. If you ever need to vent to a human, feel free to pm me. ",0.8402,positive,grateful 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,speaker,1,Im fucking done.. Im sitting hear about to end this right now. I dont know what to do right now. I wrote out a note but its shit. Im done. No one cares about me. Any advice please... I really need it right now,-0.8389,negative,lonely 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,listener_1,2,"Happy to listen if you care to type, pm me any time, also I care about you.",0.8779,positive,caring 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,speaker,3,Thx.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,listener_1,4,How you doing today?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,speaker,5,shitty.. U?,-0.5574,negative,questioning 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,listener_1,6,"Honestly pretty good, sorry to hear your day isn't going to well. Anything about it you want to vent about?",0.8067,positive,questioning 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,speaker,7,Everyone are assholes.,-0.5859,negative,angry 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,listener_1,8,"Not that I disagree, but care to elaborate? Also just to note, if I don't reply for awhile I will be out of the country next week and not sure what the internet situation will be. Just don't want you to think I ghosted ya.",0.4795,positive,apprehensive 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,speaker,9,ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 1397,depressed,Dont Know What To Do Anymore...,listener_1,10,"Hope your week was well, we just got back earlier today. Internet was crazy expensive on the boat so just did without the net. Internet is a hell of a drug...",-0.4588,negative,consoling 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,speaker,1,"I have an amazing, supportive family. I have a boyfriend that loves me. I have lots of friends, good grades, am averagely attractive. Yet I’m depressed beyond belief. I don’t find joy in anything and I feel like I don’t belong in this world. I feel so alone and extremely guilty because I have no right to feel this way when my life is good. Does anyone else feel this way? ",0.9485,positive,lonely 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,listener_1,2,"In my case, I've found that the depression doesn't care what's going on around me, almost as if it came from within rather than being a response to external events.",-0.7452,negative,sad 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,speaker,3,That’s exactly how I feel. It’s a chemical imbalance—even though I’m on meds—but i still feel guilty for being so depressed for seemingly no reason. Like other people have been through so much and are perfectly fine. ,-0.6543,negative,jealous 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,listener_1,4,"I still feel guilty too, even though I understand it's not something I can control. I'm on meds too and they keep me from feeling totally anhedonic or suicidal but not much more. I'm trying therapy too but don't know if that'll put a dent in it or not - and I kinda doubt it. Depression is the #1 thing that has compromised my enjoyment of life. I'd do almost anything to be free of it.",-0.1647,negative,guilty 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,speaker,5,I’m so sorry that you are going through this too. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. ,-0.4316,negative,sympathizing 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,listener_1,6,Thanks for kind words. It helps to know I'm not alone too.,0.8638,positive,acknowledging 1398,depressed,Depressed & Guilty,speaker,7,"Thank you so much. I think my doctor ordered that genetic test for me too! I haven’t gotten the results yet. I think they’re also testing to see if I’m bipolar, even though nothing really would change if I was. The meds i’m on do help me (lexapro 15mg and remeron 45mg), but it just seems like I’m in the wrong place. Like I don’t belong here. Maybe I’m crazy. But thanks for this response. It feels good to have someone say what i feel is real. ",0.8702,positive,apprehensive 1399,depressed,Thoughts of a 17 year old failure,speaker,1,"headaches. constant headaches, from my waking hour til the moment i finally fall asleep while listening to podcasts for white noise with the lights on in the fetal position, under a weighted blanket so i don't hallucinate. dreams are always uncomfortable, occasionally frightening. possibly prophetic. small sample size, would have to dream more to test that theory. happiness divorced me 3 years ago and took custody of all the other positive emotions, and any sort of motivation that was left over after a less than stellar childhood. i don't get hungry. forcing myself to eat is difficult but if my parents missed me at mealtimes, that would warrant a visit to the doctor's office, and that level of social interaction would be more difficult than just forcing nutrients down my esophagus. the doctor has better things to do than waste time with the high school dropout with the nasty fucking bags under his eyes and the permanent stream of drainage coming from his respiratory system, which is in open rebellion with his nervous system against the rest of his systems. my sisters wonder why i ignore their texts and never visit them. their boyfriends think it's because of drugs. i used to want to write novels. mostly about the great life i was going to have. &#x200B; didn't know where else to post, just felt like getting my thoughts out. thanks for reading ",-0.4885,negative,terrified 1399,depressed,Thoughts of a 17 year old failure,listener_1,2,I like your writing. ,0.3612,positive,impressed 1399,depressed,Thoughts of a 17 year old failure,speaker,3,"thank you, this made me smile",0.6124,positive,acknowledging 1400,depressed,25 alone and depressed,speaker,1," I currently just moved about a week ago to Philadelphia from New York for a career I’ve decided to pursue. A small hint 👮‍♂️. I’ve always wanted a job where I feel that I can help people and figured I might as well start here and see how I can progress. However since starting I’ve been questioning whether this is the right path for me. To be put in a high stressful environment not knowing if I’ll be coming home every night is a scary thing to think about. What scares me most is what’ll happen to my family back at home if I died on the job. And of course everyone is all proud of me for taking this position. And my family (uncles, aunts, cousins, not immediate family) love to gossip. So word spread quick once I moved. Leaving now would make it worse for my mom cause she hears the worse of it all. What’s making this so difficult for me right now is that I’m coming home to nothing everyday. It’s quite and I have no one to talk to on the phone is different than in person. Plus I come home and have no free time to do anything. So finding an outside activity seems pretty hard to do at the moment. At first I thought ahh I’m just homesick I’ll get use to this. But then it hits me when I’m at work, when I’m driving, when I’m lying in bed, or even when I talk to my mom on the phone. It hits me that this might not be what I want to do and how I can help people in a positive way. I feel like quitting all the time cause it’s just not worth my mental health. I just feel like crying all the time and I did the first 5 out of the 7 days I’ve lived here. In fact, my birthday was on that first week and I’ll admit it here for the first time I cried on that day as well. I’m not seeing anyone and I’m living in my own place so at times it gets awfully lonely and left alone to my thoughts isn’t the best. I’ve also tried online dating. But that isn’t working at all. The conversations just dry out no matter how much I’ll push it, u til they just don’t respond anymore. I know for sure I’m leaving some things out, and I apologize for my horrible grammar but I feel like I had to let this out somehow. I’ve tried a lot to keep composed but it’s just so difficult when feeling like this. Like no one is there to help, like you’re nothing, cause that’s how I feel right now, even knowing things can get better. Hope one of you folk out there can put it into works to help me out in this tough time. Thanks guys for taking the tine. To read. ",0.9598,positive,apprehensive 1400,depressed,25 alone and depressed,listener_1,2,"Drive to your parents whenever you can. Even if it's 3 hours each way just to be with them for a couple of hours, it really helps. Call them when you can't. You don't have to tell them that you're doing that to get through a down if you're afraid they'll worry or judge. Get as many hours a week with people you love. It's harder to be sad when you aren't alone. Sadness creates sadness, so you have to find a way to get happy hours. And it's completely fine to have depression hit you during the day. It's normal - as long as you have a way to get out of it. ",0.3855,positive,lonely 1400,depressed,25 alone and depressed,speaker,3,"Thanks ShipShoop. I actually do talk with my family on a daily basis. Basically every time I’m about to eat dinner. As for going there it’s tough. I work 8-4 m-f although I am planning on going this upcoming weekend. And it’s sometimes hard for me to keep in touch cause I’m those hours I’m working. I’m not even allowed to be carrying a phone. Yeah I know it sounds like one of those first works/spoiled problems. But I’m not trying to keep in touch with social media. Just want to keep in touch in case of an emergency. I don’t want to here something that happened 5 hours ago from my supervisors. One good thing happened this week was that an old buddy of mine from middle school came down to visit and it was the best time I had since moving here although there were times when we were hanging out I kept on thinking my life was shit and I don’t belong here. Not in a suicidal way, but like I’m just not as motivated as I use to be. ",0.8797,positive,trusting 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,speaker,1,"I feel very empty, hollow, dead inside, while I am in the world of the living. In my own world, losing touch with reality Alone, everything is black, white or grey. The feeling of emotional pain, is becoming to much. Thinking about death is more safe, comforting. Like I am an alien, placed on the wrong planet. That I came from an other place. Depression takes hold, makes me want to disapear from this world. Stop existing, to go into eternity forever. ",-0.9425,negative,lonely 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,listener_1,2,I too long to return to my home planet someday..... Good poem.,0.4404,positive,nostalgic 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,speaker,3,"I hope you will, thank you very much",0.6597,positive,encouraging 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,speaker,4,why?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,listener_2,5,It's how I mod; no one is obligated to say yes or no.,0.128,positive,trusting 1401,depressed,Losing touch with reality,speaker,6,"It sounds like you are depressed. I know the feeling of feeling disconnected, distant. To feel dead inside. To feel alone. But even if you are alone, you are not truly alone, there are energy's around you who guide you. It helps me as well, I am always alone. You have lucky you have kids, I have no one to live for. So death is more a part of me then to be alive. I hope you can find happiness again. For me, I wish I could get out of this world. It's always the same and I can't connect with anyone. It feels like I a not suppose to be here. I think everyone lost a part of himself that he or she has to find in her or his life.",0.7854,positive,consoling 1402,depressed,Should i just give up and let everything like it is?,speaker,1,"All my friends are mad at me. At least i think so. I think theyre all just pretending to be my friends. I let them all down and did horrible things to them, betrayed them and stuff. But idk if its going to get better. Should i just go to school and just pretend like nothing is happening? But idk if i could do that because i cant function, i dont have energy nor motivation. I just want to stay in my bed all day and not talk to anybody for the rest of my life. ",-0.1469,negative,lonely 1403,depressed,"My mom doesn't like me, I think",speaker,1,"So.. I need to write it down right now. My mom and younger sister decided visit my grandma (she is living in my city but it's a way of an hour to get there with the bus) also my mother and sister are living in another city which is nearly 2 1/2h away. So back to the story. I got to know they want to come here and I asked when they are in the city so I can see them (but most of all my sister because I cared for her when she was younger) again. Also I wanted to give my sister a present for school because I won't make it to be there to Christmas (my family is very toxic and they are even more on Christmas). Yeah I know I could visit them and give it there but it's too much stress for me (getting there and being there and then I can't go away if everything just sucks and I cry again and get yelled at) also because I have a lot of other stuff which is stressing me af. You see? The only day I could have see my lovely sister is on this day which my mother doesn't want to tell me. So I probably won't see my sister this year. I am sorry if it's a little confusing, just ask me if you can't understand some things. I am just very done because of this.. ",-0.542,negative,surprised 1403,depressed,"My mom doesn't like me, I think",listener_1,2,Can you speak directly to your sister and tell her how you feel and see if she can arrange for them to see you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1403,depressed,"My mom doesn't like me, I think",speaker,3,"No :/ she is 12 and my parents act like she is 8. She isn't allowed to be ""alone"" in the city with a friend after school (which is there) and stuff like this. I am not allowed to talk to her without my parents and if I talk about something that she isn't allowed to get or listen, then we need to break up (like phonecall or they interrupt with another topic) like one time, I asked her if she wants Mario Kart 7 so we could play together. I wanted to pay her 30€ for it so she just needed to give me 5€ (was in sale) another time we would see us. She had a lot of money for her age (about 300€) so that wasn't a big deal and I wanted to take the 30€ as a gift for her birthday what I told her. She was happy about it and wanted it real bad. But my parents were angry of me because of it and then I wasn't allowed to have a call with her. So everything to manage seeing or listen to her is to talk to my parents. My sister isn't allowed to have a smartphone and isn't allowed to use it if it's not an emergency (she has a ipad so it's not about the media itself). I won't even get her number. I really wait for the age where she is against our parents in those cases so we can have time for us. I really miss and love her.. ",0.8941,positive,annoyed 1404,depressed,Messed everything up,speaker,1,"So today I messed up everything I don't know what came over me. I had rent due which was 400(which isn't so bad for San Diego even though its just a room). So what do I do? I spent it all at the casino because I was at around 260 hoping to make the rest up and be okay for another month rent wise at least. I kept losing and losing and I keep telling myself Ill make it up and to just keep going. So now I'm left with 10 dollars to my name and on my way to the bus ride home. Jobless, girlfriend less(broke up with me). I'll most likely get kicked out since I've been paying late rent the last three months. No family to go, no friends to help out. I'm in a super rut and hoping venting out will help me somewhat. Lesson folks is don't be stupid like me and gamble everything away. Not sure if this is even a proper place to write this but if it gets deleted then oh well. Good luck to you all.",0.937,positive,ashamed 1404,depressed,Messed everything up,listener_1,2,Good luck with everything! I’m sorry you’re going through it!,0.7339,positive,sympathizing 1404,depressed,Messed everything up,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1404,depressed,Messed everything up,speaker,4,"Yeah, I just can't believe I let myself do that. Stupid stupid mistake on my part",-0.7906,negative,embarrassed 1404,depressed,Messed everything up,listener_2,5,"We all do something bad at least once. Pull it together and move on. Make a plan. If you don’t have a job, you can file for welfare/food stamps. Or, go find a menial job and ask if they can pay you in advance. Or, go sell plasma. Start somewhere. ",-0.5994,negative,consoling 1404,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,1,"I was officially diagnosed with anxiety 2 years ago when I was doing my internship. I finished my bachelor degree this year, found a job before the end of classes. Everything was fine. I was finally working after a lot of years in college. Suddenly I started to have panic attacks and I couldn't do it anymore. My doctor gave a 2 months leave. Still on meds. Now I'm feeling bad, I don't want to go outside the house. I cry for no reason. Can't eat like before. I sleep a lot and I'm feeling tired all the time. I don't want to do anything because I don't feel motivated. Still panic attacks when I think about to go back to work. I'm a mess right now. I have a kid, a husband, a dog, a house, everything. Why can't I just be happy? ",-0.9751,negative,afraid 1404,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_4,2,Dang how old are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1404,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,3,35,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1405,depressed,Helping a loved one.,speaker,1,"Hi everyone, I've struggled with depression for a long time. With help of loved ones and even professional help I'm actually okay. (No really) My main reason for coming here is this, and it's long, so please stay with me. Last December I proposed to my girlfriend, who said yes. We planned out a wedding for this month. Stress was high, I was distant and giving attention to the wrong people. (friends and games, not her.) She felt lonely and depressed. I never knew. About 4 months ago she called off the wedding and wanted to take a step back. Wanted to figure herself out, filter through her feelings, and wanted me to work on myself if I was actually serious about her. And I am. I sold my games, tried to ask friends for help (come to find out I was being used by them, it was an eye opener.) Cut ties with people that were manipulative and controlling and actually started working on myself as a man. I'm proud of who I am now. I feel comfortable in my own skin, and proud of who I am. However she's still very depressed. We still talk and go out on dates. I can see in her eyes how much she loves me. She even brings up the wedding when we see each other. I know that deep down she wants it, I just hate seeing the person I love most go through this and I feel helpless. It's a different kind of pain. She works 50+ hours a week and is talking about picking up another job just to keep herself busy through the coming holiday season. (she moved out my direction to be with me, and doesn't want to move back home. Plus her family is controlling and manipulative.) Sometimes she'll pull away and not talk, saying she's scared I might revert back on the progress I've made. (Simply saying ""I won't"" doesn't work. I'm aware actions speak louder than words.) She said that she's sees how hard I'm working and she admires it, and that deep down she does care for me, and she does love me. I've been tempted to ask her to marry me again, just much lower scale and with only our interests in mind. (I cared way too much about the details and what everyone else thought. I tried to have a large scale wedding and she wanted it to be very minimal.) I'm not sure if that's the smart move though to do though. I don't want to jeopardize what we have left if I'm wrong. Any ideas, recommendations, books, resources, anything? I know how to help myself, but when it comes to her all I can really do is assure her I'm there for her and show her how important she really is. TL;DR Girlfriend/Fiance called off wedding, is depressed, still loves me, still talks about the wedding and I don't know what to do. ",0.9574,positive,content 1405,depressed,Helping a loved one.,listener_1,2,"First off, I commend you on working to better yourself, including getting rid of poor “friendships “. That is really hard. However, from your description, your GF also sounds like she is being manipulative. What you’ve done for her is great, except that going a complete 180 and selling off games and such that made you happy, and she still isn’t happy with you, doesn’t sound like she is 100% committed to your relationship. And please forgive me for saying, but her depression is toxic for you. Especially if she isn’t getting help. It’s difficult enough getting through your own depression, without trying to help someone else get through theirs. Maybe you both should step back, both work on your own person betterment, and see if that leads to you still being happy together. Marriage is BIG deal, obviously, so take your time and be in a good place first. Be good with yourselves, before trying to combine your lives. Life doesn’t get easier being married. It has it’s own challenges. Again, though, congrats on pushing yourself to be healthier and in a good place. Good luck. ",0.9867,positive,impressed 1405,depressed,Helping a loved one.,listener_1,3,"Honestly, it sounds like you are getting your shit together. That’s awesome, and better than a lot of us, myself included. And really, this response is inspirational. I’ve recently been laid off, and am trying to figure out what I should be doing, and this actually helps point me in a direction. So, thanks. :)",0.9623,positive,acknowledging 1406,depressed,Seeking advice,speaker,1,"TL;DR – As a person struggling with depression, would you consider seeing a health coach who has been through what you’re going through and may be able to help you find your way out? I’m a health coach in training trying to decide on a niche. ---------------------------------------------- I’ve been depressed on-and-off for much of my life. Complete with overwhelming feelings of sadness, fear, anger, insomnia, anxiety, lack of focus/ambition/purpose, suicidal thoughts, isolation, and poor physical health. I felt totally paralyzed in my life for long periods of time. Finally, I reached a tipping point. Over the last few years, I’ve found my way out of depression and turned things around for myself. I won’t bore you with details, but I’ve learned a great deal and discovered many tools that I think will keep me in good mental/physical health for the long term. E.g., A growing body of research suggesting a strong correlation between mental health and the health of our gut (microbiome) – much of the general population doesn’t understand this yet. My health journey inspired me to quit my IT job and attend school for health coaching so I can help others. Our school is encouraging us to choose a niche – a specific segment of people with specific challenges – to begin growing our practice. I’ve given it a lot of thought and the group of people I’d most like to work with are those going through what I’ve gone through. People with mood imbalances who want to improve their mental health and stability without the use of prescription drugs. However, when I think back to when I was in the thick of my darkest times, I remember being averse to seeking the kind of help I now want to offer. I remember being singularly unmotivated to change. I’m hoping to take people’s temperature here on Reddit. What do you think? Would you consider getting help from a health coach? Here’s a general idea of what we do (in a nutshell): * The coach/client relationship is a collaborative conversation for strengthening a person’s own motivation and commitment to change. * The coach/client relationship is a partnership, with acceptance and compassion at its heart. * The coach uses a guiding style to create a safe atmosphere for the client to explore their emotions, motivations, strengths, fears and ambivalence. * The coach is trained in functional health and nutrition, stress management/mindfulness techniques, and a number of coaching modalities proven to be effective across a wide range of subjects – including but not limited to: depression, chronic ambivalence, food addiction and substance abuse. * The coach elicits motivation for change by first respecting where you are. They do not impose or coerce. Your feedback is appreciated! Depending on the reception I get here, I might post this on other depression-related subs so I apologize if you see it more than once. ",0.9975,positive,apprehensive 1406,depressed,Seeking advice,listener_1,2,I agree about the significance of the microbiome.,0.5574,positive,agreeing 1406,depressed,Seeking advice,speaker,3,"Thank you for your thoughtful response. I have a lot of respect for medication and the need for it. If I hadn't been medicated, I might not be here either. I would never, ever recommend that someone stop taking them or avoid them on principle. That's totally out of my scope of practice and would be highly unethical. You and I are fortunate in that medication worked for us. Antidepressants are largely ineffective for a surprising number of people and, according to what I've read, don't perform well against placebo. So for people who aren’t helped by meds or aren’t willing to tolerate their side effects – or even those who are medicated but feel there’s still room for improvement, there are options. There are other interventions that could be highly effective. 95% of the body’s serotonin is in the bowels, not in the brain. Hormone dysfunction can have huge effects on the functioning of the brain (serotonin, dopamine, melatonin), and therefore mood. Solving hormone imbalances, regulating gut function and improving nutrient absorption could go a long way toward bringing someone’s brain back to a point of balance. Either as an adjunct to meds or alone. It's my hope to work with people who are troubled, not just wealthy people in funks. I don't mean to minimize their problems; their suffering is just as real as anyone else's. But the people I truly identify with are those who believe there isn't a way out. There may be a way out and one wouldn’t know unless one tried. ",0.7915,positive,grateful 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,speaker,1,"I moved to the city and got a job that I thought I would fall in love with. But really its made my quality of life worse. I lost my friends. I work all day with no time to make for myself. I left my old passions of the outdoors behind for this. Now realizing that's what really made me, me. I fished, I hiked, I travelled. Now, I just get by. Scraping by the dollar. With urges to just get up and go back, to where I had financial stability. My work life has made me feel so trapped. It's crazy in a city with millions and millions of people - this is the most lonely I have ever felt. Shit, when I'm on the subway and someone sits next to me or bumps into me, I like it. It's really the only human contact I get outside of work. Many days I just don't want to wake up. I really don't know if i'm seeking advice or anything. I just want to put this out there because I don't have anyone to tell how I really feel. ",-0.9394,negative,disappointed 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,listener_1,2,People in cities live like shit and pay more to do it. I've done it. Glad to have done my time and left. It's crazy what people will adapt to though.,-0.2263,negative,content 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,speaker,3,Did you just get up and leave one day or did you phase out?,-0.0516,negative,questioning 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,listener_1,4,Fled one fine day. Was working via internet already so it was easy.,0.6077,positive,trusting 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,speaker,5,Thank you so much for the reply. You are a great person for being so understanding. As for the job - if I moved I would be able to find a job with ease and not difficult to go back. Im just worried of breaking my current lease in the city and losing my security deposit. My hesitations of moving back is because I feel like if i left - i would feel like i had failed. Rather than saying it wasn't for me. After dealing with the death of 2 very closed loved ones recently - I feel like i need more time to be spent with my family and helping them.,0.9079,positive,trusting 1407,depressed,Just putting this out there,listener_2,6,"I would like to offer some advice regarding failing. It's okay to fail. We all fail. In fact, some of the most successful people in life fail. I don't know you, but I don't want this eating you up inside. You have to accept that failure is part of maturing, regardless of your age. This is how you will become stronger and will make wiser decisions in the future. I get that we do not want to look like failures in front of our peers, friends, and family. But at the end of the day, everyone has their own failures to deal with and most people are not paying much attention to other people's problems. So don't worry about what others might think of you. All you have to say is that you really missed home and want to be closer to your family and friends again. I'm not sure which city or state you live in, but you might be able to get out of your lease depending on what your contract says. You might be able to sublease the dwelling. You might even bring up to your landlord that there was death within your family/friends and that you have to return home. Some people can be incredibly understanding. But please make some time to read your lease documents to see how you can get out of it. Losing the deposit might be worth going back home sooner and feeling more relaxed, but again, maybe you do not have to lose it if you talk to your landlord. I wish you the best!",0.9407,positive,sad 1408,depressed,Smoking weed in your down phases?,speaker,1,Hey am I the only one who smokes a joint when you have a down? :/,-0.34,negative,questioning 1409,depressed,Numb to the reality of it,speaker,1,"I fucking feel numb to everything so I stay in my room and lay on my bed as I try to drown out all the arguments, yells, and bickers. I cannot say anything because I had been shot down from speaking up, and I cannot tell anyone because I do not like to gossip. So I stay in my room , my mind screaming, my family used to make me anxious now I just feel numb. I feel trapped in my home, and the outside world has nothing to offer because I will end up coming back from where I left. I know I need to get away, and I will as soon as I can, but I do not know how much longer I can be patient before I collapse on myself. I wait for the day God liberates me from this numbness, so that I may find peace and silence again. ",-0.8590000000000001,negative,lonely 1409,depressed,Numb to the reality of it,listener_1,2,Me too it started at 15 2 years ago. It gets better just work on yourself and set goals. I’m slowly getting better and you can to!,0.7263,positive,agreeing 1409,depressed,Numb to the reality of it,speaker,3,"It's been about 2 months since I posted this, you are right it does get better. That is just how life is, always ups and downs, thanks for hearing me out friend. ",0.8402,positive,agreeing 1409,depressed,Numb to the reality of it,listener_2,4,Thanks for updating; we like to see it.,0.6597,positive,acknowledging 1410,depressed,Im fucking tired.,speaker,1,"A while back I somehow came across a Kardashian (idk which one) interview while scrolling through the channels on TV. This woman was absolutely perfect. Her hair, eyes, lips, mannerisms, etc all seemed exceptional, but even then I wasn't too jealous or envious of her. My thoughts back then were focused somewhere on true perfection being slightly and unexpectedly flawed. An acquired taste that not everyone would stick around to bare. So I almost turned the channel and moved on until she spoke a sentence that has clung to me ever since. An eye opening revelation. Something along the lines of, ""...I've always felt comfortable in my body (and life). Not being comfortable as myself is something I can't even begin to fathom."" It fucking floored me and it continues to floor me day after day. It reminds me that, through all my struggles, challenges, hardships, bad days, good days, triumphs, heart breaks, sadness, everything, there are people in this world who exist and have no idea of my baggage. People that can't even begin to understand. People you talk to everyday and they always expect something of you. They expect you to be perfect or cheerful or positive or what have you, yet fail to realise that it might just be a miracle that I continue at all. People that expect you to go to college and get a degree and make money and stop being so shy and be more assertive and try harder.. I'VE TRIED ENOUGH. I've tried for so long and so hard. I've been stuck in a race- one lap behind the rest of the competition, and I've jogged my ass off to catch up to the rest. But even though my legs are stiff and my lungs are on fire, I don't get a medal or any kind of recognition for getting last place. I get a pat on the back and a, ""Good luck next time pal."" I wish I could feel comfortable in my life. I wish my shoes would fit; I'm so tired of trying to grow into them. ",0.9832,positive,jealous 1410,depressed,Im fucking tired.,listener_1,2,"See that quote? There's no way that's true. Everyone has insecurities. She may have really meant at that time, or she may have been lying. Or she may be a huge narcissist. Did she say it to the camera with no make up, frizzy hair and unbrushed teeth? I would say no because she isn't comfortable portraying herself that way. She had to get made up which probably took ages and then repeated the monologue to get it right for the camera. ",-0.8677,negative,embarrassed 1410,depressed,Im fucking tired.,speaker,3,"It's more so about her positive support than her being perfect. At least she can rely on so much to make her comfortable, while others have nothing but doubts and worries. It's hard to climb out of a hole that keeps getting deeper. ",0.5878,positive,trusting 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,speaker,1,"I think I’m ready to go now, to just close my eyes and not have to open them again. I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t love me. Nobody else loves me(my boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with my because of my depression and anxiety burdening him and ultimately turning me into a person he didn’t love anymore). I don’t want to be alone with myself again, I can’t, I refuse and I just want to go peacefully, even make it look like an accident so my parents wouldn’t blame themselves. If I have to be alone with all these empty feelings that no one can help me with I don’t want to be here, my boyfriend helped but I didn’t make that clear enough and now he’s gone... how can I keep anyone if the person I am drives them away. ",0.4019,positive,lonely 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,listener_1,2,Are you serious about self-harm? ,-0.0772,negative,questioning 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,speaker,3,I just don’t know if I can keep doing this anymore and sometimes it seems like what I have to do But my family has been through it before and that’s something I don’t think I could do to them again. ,0.1901,positive,trusting 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,listener_1,4,"I see that you are suffering, but mental states as well as situations are all transitory. Something basic about mental stability is just to let go of permanence in regards to desires.",0.1531,positive,neutral 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,speaker,5,"This helped me so much, I’m in the same boat. I can’t seem to find someone who knows how this feeling eats away at you and makes you the people get crave them at the same time. We are going to be ok, I know we are. We’re going to find our people ",0.1593,positive,trusting 1411,depressed,I think I’m ready,listener_2,6,for sure :),0.6486,positive,agreeing 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),speaker,1,"I am suffer from depression off and on. I have since I was a teenager when my dad would tell me to snap out of it and stop whining. I've been in my current pit for going on a year now, maybe a year and a half. My husband also suffers from bouts of depression, though he is a law enforcement officer and has developed a ""switch"" as I refer to it that allows him to compartmentalize and shut out what he doesn't want to deal with. He takes them out little pieces at a time and sometimes he gets overwhelmed for a couple days, then he puts them back and he's fine. I can't do this. I have deep issues from childhood trauma of a drugged out mom and an absent dad (not divorced, just found excuses to be gone a lot). I've never really had a solid emotional foundation I think. I can't seem to differentiate between when someone is frustrated at something that happened, and someone being frustrated at something that happened and angry with me because I am the cause of it because I cause all bad things that happen around me. This is a debilitating problem. My husband's solution is to solve everything with sex. He's sad, sex. He's had a bad day/week, sex. He is depressed, sex. I, on the other hand, have zero libido....zero. I've been doing the ""fake it til you make it"" thing for years and it is slowly eating away at my self (i don't know the word....sole? vitality? person?). We've talked a LOT about this and he can't go without sex when he needs it ""it scientifically proven"" and I hate it because it makes me feel like a human blow up doll that isn't supposed to want it or not want it, just be there for it to happen. He tells me it isn't that way, but when I pour my heart out to say how depressed I am and he jokingly says then take off your close and have sex, but in the past that means do it or he'll eventually pitch a fit because at that moment it was joking. In 20 minutes he'll be serious. Making me feel I mean nothing, as long as my body parts function. Again, I tell him how this makes me feel, and he says that isn't the way he feels about me so I should not feel that way. I have major anxiety with sex. It's all he ever talks about when we are long and our son is in his bed. We talk about sex in some capacity every day. When I tell him about my depression he tells me to grow up, stop being negative, and deal with my shit. I tell him it isn't that easy, and he says it is. It's just a matter of deciding you are going to move on and get over it and do it. I don't have health insurance so I can't see a doctor or afford a therapist. I'm so alone. I don't have friends. They've moved on to other things. I don't have anyone to call and talk to, I don't have access to medical help. I'm struggling to make myself get up in the morning, but I do it every day. It's more than just the sex problems. There is so much more. That's just what is front and center right this moment. I'll spiral into my useless and meaningless existence in a couple hours, or what a failure of a parent I am later tonight. I'll go home and play video games for a couple hours to block out my brain so I don't think about anything tonight hopefully. Then watch tv until I'm sleepy to block it out some more. I'm miserable.....and I need help...and I don't know where to turn.",-0.9961,negative,sad 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),listener_1,2,"I am sorry for what you are going through. There are talk lines and crisis lines available to help you on the bad days. IF you have 2-1-1 you could call and ask for clinics that offer free therapy or a sliding scale to be able to pay what you could afford. There may be support groups in your area offered from the United Way and if you are religious, you could always try a local church talking to a pastor you feel comfortable with. In times like these, you have to throw out life lines and let people come into your life that care and want to make a difference. &#x200B; I know it's hard because I have depression and anxiety as well. But know that you are strong and resilient and take the time to get some help, because we all need help from time to time. I go to a therapist once a week and my insurance doesn't pay a dime. My therapist charges me $50 a session because I can afford that, but some of her clients bake her stuff or make her things. There are people out there that want to help you live the best life possible, and I hope you find them. ",0.9824,positive,sympathizing 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),speaker,3,I wish I could find something like that. I'm afraid of going to my pastor because my husband will know and he'll want to know everything. He doesn't think privacy is a part of marriage because trust is most important. I live in a smaller town and we just don't have many resources. I'll try to look though. ,0.8718,positive,apprehensive 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),listener_1,4,"I don't know if you like to read but I would highly recommend ""Boundaries in Marriage"" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Best part is that you can get it from a library. I understand having a sex drive, but you are not just a piece of meat and you can say ""No"". Also you can have healthy boundaries in a marriage, getting your pastor involved to mediate it may be a good thing if you are comfortable with it.",0.9753,positive,trusting 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),speaker,5,"Yes. I will say that. My only drive right now is to make my son's live as good as I can. Sometimes I just don't feel like it, but I do it anyway for him. ",0.306,positive,caring 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),speaker,6,"I'll read that book. My husband tells me he has no boundaries with me because he trusts me completely and if I have boundaries with him it's because I don't trust him. I just wish I had something to make my emotions stop. It's like I'm numb to everything outside of myself, but inside I'm screaming and broken. ",-0.8249,negative,sad 1412,depressed,Depressed and unsupported (long post),listener_1,7,"Everyone has boundaries, I trust my wife and my wife trusts me but we still have boundaries. I know how you feel, my emotions get the best of me too, so I try to find an outlet for them. I was feeling really depressed today, so I decided to get on redditt and try to help people who were feeling the same way and I feel better. I get the whole wanting to scream, and you should give yourself permission to scream, it feels good to let it out.",0.8948,positive,sentimental 1413,depressed,Physically and mentally drained,speaker,1,"So I’m not sure if I’m depressed or bipolar. I’m a single 21 year old male. I believe that life is meaningless and anything anyone has done or ever will do is absolutely pointless for one day it will all end. I’ve given up on finding a girlfriend, I have no ambitions or motivation. I am usually in an internal state, but sometimes there are spurts of perseverance (not sure if I have used that word correctly) and I sometimes have hope. Consequently, similar to a roller coaster rising and falling, I always go back into these dark states. I have the feeling of wanting to die but I don’t want to comment suicide. The thought of just not waking up isn’t so bad to me. My chest is literally always in a state of slight pain, even as I type this. My whole body is falling apart faster than most adults my age. I hate my job, the place I live in, and roughly 90% of the people around me. I cannot change my job or living situation until 2020 for I am bound by contract. I don’t know what to do. ",-0.9876,negative,lonely 1413,depressed,Physically and mentally drained,listener_1,2,"I know I may be bringing the obvious, but are you able to access a therapist? That may help a lot. Unfortunately, none of us can really diagnose you as we are not professionals... don't focus on giving yourself a label, I was at some point like that too. I think what may help is to take care of yourself as much as you can for the next 2-3 years until you get rid of your job. It may be hard right now, but you will be out in 2020. Maybe you can find something else that you love while you are going to work if you have the time. Something that will make you look forward to waking up every morning. Take care of yourself, eat well and try to sleep well. Self-care is very important, and please brush your teeth. Depression can sometimes cause people to neglect themselves, and you should really avoid this at all costs ( please ). I'm sorry to hear about how you are feeling. If you have any good friends, keep in touch with them for support and vent. Also I am here as well. If you are lonely, maybe you could try out a new hobby and join a class or club.. something like a community event and learn something new, bond with people. I am sure that you will find a girlfriend someday. There are lots of girls out there, sometimes personalities will clash and it's hard I know but if it makes you feel any better then there are other guys going through the same thing and understand how you feel. There are many types of people out there and we may not get along with everyone, but you will surely find someone you get along with. The best way to find someone is to focus on working on loving yourself. Good luck. I believe in you and I do think you can make it through, although you may not be able to control your job or living situation you can control all the other factors like what you do outside of it. ",0.9971,positive,suggesting 1413,depressed,Physically and mentally drained,listener_1,3,"Also maybe if you have any time, you can try travelling. idk I just remembered this, but maybe that may help you feel better",0.802,positive,suggesting 1414,depressed,"Im alone and i have always been alone. I was surrounded by friends at different times of my life, but i always knew it was all fake.",speaker,1," I was always there for people and no one has been there when i needed help. I knew friendship was all fake and all are there only for their own self interests. Partying and tripping are not just what friends do. Being there when one is down is friendship too, and I have always been there as far as I know and I have been doing that ever since I was a kid. I don't know if the problem is with me or the world around me. But I never could make one good solid friend ever. Similar never could I ever get a feel of a real relationship, only temporary ones that I knew would fail. I think I have a problem with having expectations in all and any kind of relationship, but I'm not sure about it because I always try to be the best of what I can be to everyone, but nobody seems to be doing that. As I get older, everything is just getting harder. It's hard to put on a fake smile, so I don't and everyone at work knows something is up, and I have to find reasons to explain why i look sad. Small things make me happy sometimes, and then i become my old self and begin talking a lot and laughing with everyone. Today I've got nothing to do, it's my birthday, I removed my birthday off every social media calendar to see if anyone would call. Childish thing to do for a 27 year old, I know. My family called, but I couldn't pick it up cause I don't want to let them know about my state of mind, they wouldn't be able to handle it. I can't let them be sad because of me. If this is the wrong sub to post this, I'm sorry and please advice the right one, I don't use Reddit a lot.",0.1648,positive,faithful 1414,depressed,"Im alone and i have always been alone. I was surrounded by friends at different times of my life, but i always knew it was all fake.",listener_1,2,"Call your family back, it's ok too let them know you aren't feeling good. They are there to help you, I'd rather know if my family was hitting so I could help. Also I have a terrible memory, I have only a few close friends but if it weren't for social media or someone else reminding me I would never remember when their birthdays are.so please know that just because somebody doesn't remember what day your birthday is does not mean that they don't care. I have a couple of friends who start announcing their birthdays weeks before the actual day I was never able to do this but I did notice no one ever forgot their birthdays.",0.527,positive,agreeing 1414,depressed,"Im alone and i have always been alone. I was surrounded by friends at different times of my life, but i always knew it was all fake.",speaker,3,"The post isn't actually about my birthday.. That is just only what I had done yesterday, And I just called my family back ✌️✌️",0.0,neutral,joyful 1414,depressed,"Im alone and i have always been alone. I was surrounded by friends at different times of my life, but i always knew it was all fake.",listener_1,4,"Glad you called them. And I wish I could help more with the re a l friends thing - I have similar experiences. I don't know how to develop a true friendship either. At least there are times that you will find happiness in small things and bounce back. So hang on to that. Know that if you are having bad days, that it was not always like that and it will change. ",0.9531,positive,grateful 1414,depressed,"Im alone and i have always been alone. I was surrounded by friends at different times of my life, but i always knew it was all fake.",speaker,5,"Thanku Tweety.. It's not been good.., yesterday I felt the universe was plotting against me or something, everything I do was going wrong.... But on some days I feel better. Today I feel better. Hopefully I don't think too much, and just keep myself occupied with anything.. :D Thank you :))",0.9601,positive,grateful 1415,depressed,Falling into the abyss,speaker,1,"Drowning in my sorrows, swallowed up by my stress, can’t take anymore though I am doing my best. Traumatized by my past, enraged by familial ties, tired of their toxins and narcissistic lies. Suffocated by my destitution, never-ending congress of idiocy, strangled by the administrative fallacy. Screaming out in anguish but falling on deaf ears, numbed heart no longer extinguishing my fears. Endless rivers of tears falling into the abyss of my dark soul, immeasurable everlasting despair beyond its control.",-0.9477,negative,devastated 1415,depressed,Falling into the abyss,listener_1,2,You sound like a conservative on a collage campus :) .. Anyways sorry you are so stressed. Happy to listen if you think venting might help.,0.8299,positive,sympathizing 1415,depressed,Falling into the abyss,speaker,3,Ex party girl now 40. College days long over ,0.4019,positive,lonely 1416,depressed,FML,speaker,1,"I’m so depressed. I can’t believe I’m even writing this. I take my job so seriously and I’m great at it, but my boss does whatever he can to make me look bad. I’m so worried I’ll lose my job, and I have a family that I’m supporting. I can’t switch to something else and I feel so lost. I’m a grown man crying.",-0.9558,negative,sad 1416,depressed,FML,listener_1,2,Why does your boss want you to look bad?,-0.4939,negative,questioning 1416,depressed,FML,speaker,3,"I don’t know. He’s just an Ass. I was always a great worker, but I think he’s upset that his son who is my age sucks at the job. Takes it out on me.",-0.7469,negative,disappointed 1416,depressed,FML,listener_2,4,"Does he have a manager that you can become friends with, so that his boss would keep him from firing you? Or.. make friends with his son?",0.6322,positive,questioning 1416,depressed,FML,speaker,5,"That’s the weird thing. I AM friends with his son. My wife feels he’s projecting his frustration with his son onto me. He’s in charge, and I’ve tried everything possible. Here’s an example. Everyone will wear headphones and he won’t care. If I wear headphones he gets all upset. “You’re not focused on your work!” I’ll say “what? Everyone wearing them!” His reply “right now, I’m talking with you.” Seriously, he’s the guy in the movies you want to punch in the face. Kinda like the dude from office space with the TPS reports.",-0.2642,negative,annoyed 1416,depressed,FML,speaker,6,Tried that. He said “nothing.” Acted as if all was ok.,0.0,neutral,content 1416,depressed,FML,listener_2,7,"Does your friend, his son, have any idea what’s going on or have an opinion?",0.4939,positive,questioning 1416,depressed,FML,speaker,8,Great question: I’m scared to discuss because if his dad finds out he’ll be even more of a jerk. His son isn’t the smartest tool in the shed.,0.5478,positive,apprehensive 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,speaker,1,jk probably not. is it ok to not use caps because i have no energy and i also have little energy in general. like i don't work out enough and it's not good and there are so many good great opportunities going on in my life and i should be doing really well and from a distance i am but i don't know who to talk to about the up close stuff and i may have just lost a really great person because of previous fucking up and i don't know what to do because all the people i could talk to would think i'm dumb or inconsiderate or too emotional but i AM emotional fuck i'm a girl for chrissakes and you shouldn't just assume i'm going to be like a robot like you i have times when i want to scream in a pillow but i feel bad if you find out and i need to pretend i'm not feeling anything or i get the look and it's not fair and i just want to leave and get away and go see the world and not have to deal with so many different hard things like thinking about college and doing the laundry. Ok the last one isn't really hard but right now i'm sitting next to a big pile of laundry that i still need to do from this morning and i'm taking my sweet time with it smh i've done quite a bit of inward thinking and i'm not ready for life but it's coming really quickly. i still feel like the young person i was 2.5 years ago but that was 2..5 YEARS AGO how am i here already so much has changed and it comes down to me being too picky on who to talk to and who i could really talk to won't talk to me and there's always something with the next person and the next person and the next that makes it so i can't tell them everything so i give a little bit out here and there but i really just need to let everything go. i could go to a confession stand (forgive me father for i have sinneddd) i'm not religious. plus i don't think those work that way; they're not made for venting about personal issues they're about asking for forgiveness i guess idk lets not focus on that but like . . is this even a good idea? Posting online?? who is gonna read this - this will probably be lost in the mass of influx depressed redditors - also is that the term or is it like redditers or reds or what idk if it's actually read by someone congrats you now know a little bit about me; i'm slowly dying inside while everything is great around me. am i the only one?,0.9644,positive,apprehensive 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,listener_1,2,"> am i the only one? That is an easy one, nope! I never had anyone to talk to about personal stuff until I started going to therapy.",0.4926,positive,lonely 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,speaker,3,"Therapy, Reddit, I don't see the difference lol But jk, professional therapy I've considered even though I appreciate all your guys' advice 💙",0.9052,positive,neutral 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,speaker,4,"This was really nice to read. Thank you. Right back at you too, sounds like a rougher situation tbh. I'm sorry about your mom, and appreciate your message. We got this ",0.8588,positive,acknowledging 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,speaker,5,"Thanks man, you're right, and I always thought venting wasn't good because it's negative but I feel so much better after getting the weight off my shoulders.",0.4879,positive,neutral 1417,depressed,life stands for look it's fat elbert,listener_2,6,Good.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1418,depressed,should I,speaker,1,I've just been staring at this bottle of pills a while. I could make it all end.,0.0,neutral,sad 1418,depressed,should I,listener_1,2,Please don't do it,0.3182,positive,questioning 1418,depressed,should I,listener_2,3,"I think, seeing as his last comment was 23hr ago, compared to this 1 day old one.",0.0,neutral,surprised 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",speaker,1,"I 38,have a home, no mortgage and a ok job. My mum is old and she stays with me so i can look after her. I dont want her to pass ever! but damn when i go out its hard to find a woman who's accepting. Im asian and its part our culture, but i live in australia and i find its a big no no, they always says its sweet but they always leave :( it really bums me out cause i understand where they coming from, i was never insecure about it. Family is important especially your mum. But after couple year mum's still going strong :) but i admit i feel a little resentment. Just trying to get rich now feels like the only goal, so i can get my mum a home carer. I might be too old to find someone by that time :'( ",0.9147,positive,trusting 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",listener_1,2,"If your mom isn't ill, what about a retirement community? My family is going through this right now with nursing home options and honestly most are pretty shitty. So if she doesn't need the constant care, just the companionship, there are retirement communities and assisted living communities which allow for independent living but still check on your mom, have activities, and nursing on staff. ",0.6153,positive,suggesting 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",speaker,3,Thx man but nah she needs fairly constant care. I think im going to start a business. Time to all out or die alone,-0.5267,negative,lonely 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",listener_2,4,"I ran a business for 7 years, *you cannot believe the stress it is*. You absolutely must have all your ducks in a row before you run a business. Your ego gets caught up in it, so when it is having rough times you feel like crap, and when it's doing well you need to use that to prepare for when it inevitably isn't. It can be done, but it's expensive in terms of money, your sanity, health and any relationships that might otherwise happen (however unlikely). I wish I never tried myself. ",0.6923,positive,prepared 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",speaker,5,"I hear ya, but i gotta try. Need to make enough to employ others while i manage. If i can make enough to employ other i should be able to afford to squeeze in a nurse for mum",0.0,neutral,neutral 1419,depressed,"Luv my mum too much to leave her or let her goto a fucking nursing home. But my luv life is dead, what can I do?",listener_1,6,"Full time in-home care for your mother is very expensive. It is not like paying an employee for an 8 hour day- it is a 24 hour a day. This is something we also have been discussing. It will run you a couple of hundred per day. Unfortunately there are not a lot of good options. This is why people need to plan in advance and put away money in life insurance for long-term care. But I'm sure Australia has options like here in the states where there are advocacy places you can call that can discuss your options with you in terms of what is available, what your mom needs, and what you can afford. ",0.8440000000000001,positive,jealous 1420,depressed,"A Motivational Post, from someone just like you.",speaker,1,"We all go through some terrible things in life. We're all just dropped into a situation and forced to work with it. Some of us were born with a... ""vulnerability"" I suppose, to depression, or some form of mental trauma. Some have been hit so hard that their scars run too deep, and have caused depression. It hinders us, weakens us. I understand. But now is no time to be like this. Life has given you a shackle, chains, restraints, to hold you down. *Break them.* Life is going to throw challenges at you, everyday, forever, but with the restraints of depression, some of them just feel impossible. Im not gonna say its *wrong* to feel sad, but it wont help you. Grab life by the horns. Stare it down. These chains? They limit you. You were never ""nothing"", or ""hopeless"" or ""broken"". You're as perfect as anyone can be. ##Look at whats right in front of you. Whatever challenge, may it be family, work, school, *whatever*... ##**YOU NEED TO GRAB LIFE BY THE HORNS, AND SHOW IT YOU CAN'T BE HELD DOWN. THOSE EMOTIONS YOU HAVE WILL DRAG YOU DOWN TO THE DARKEST ABYSS YOU COULD BE IN. I UNDERSTAND YOU, AND YOUR PAIN, BUT WE NEED TO KEEP MOVING, EVERY DAY. WHY? WHATS THE POINT YOU ASK? WE ARE GREATER THAN THIS. WE CAN ALL *THRIVE*. USE THOSE FEELINGS. THAT ANGER, THAT SADNESS, THAT ENVY, YOUR FRUSTRATIONS AND WALK OUT INTO THE OPEN WORLD AND SHOW THEM JUST WHAT YOU CAN DO. DONT LET WHAT THEY THINK STOP YOU. YOU MATTER MOST IN YOUR LIFE. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU, WHOEVER OR WHEREVER YOU ARE. EVEN IF YOU DONT HAVE ANY FAITH IN YOUR ABILITY TO PUSH PAST THIS, I DO. I ALWAYS WILL. ALWAYS.** Always. Now get out there, you beautiful motherfucker, and show life just how awesome you are.",-0.9947,negative,sad 1420,depressed,"A Motivational Post, from someone just like you.",listener_1,2,I mean sure if I knew how,0.3182,positive,confident 1420,depressed,"A Motivational Post, from someone just like you.",speaker,3,"The opportunity will present itself. Probably when you're having a rough day, or just really feel like giving up. You'll find that chance, maybe even soon. Just keep pushing through whatever challenges are thrown your way.",0.8605,positive,hopeful 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,speaker,1,"https://soundcloud.com/dale-maguire-746178672/sets/blue This is called Blue. I used to be depressed and as a result did things I shouldn’t have and as a result of that got more depressed. I’m a rapper, and at the time all I could write about were my problems and the problems of those close to me. This project tells real life stories and deals with depression, suicide, self harm, rape and relationships. Hope it helps someone.",-0.9756,negative,sad 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,listener_1,2,Thanks for putting this out here free of charge. I wish more musicians did that. ,0.836,positive,grateful 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,speaker,3,"This is the type of project that I’d much rather 100 people listen to for free than 5 people listen to for money, Thanks.",0.7351,positive,acknowledging 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,listener_1,4,Music has been one of the few things keeping me alive these past couple years. I cling to it for life sometimes.,0.3818,positive,faithful 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,speaker,5,"I can relate to that, I don’t think I’d be here anymore if not for music. What artists have helped you?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1421,depressed,Turned Depression into Music,listener_2,6,And they never spoke again ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1422,depressed,i fucked up real bad.,speaker,1, i ruined lives of people i care about. it's so painful. there's no way back. and i only have myself to blame.,-0.8179,negative,guilty 1422,depressed,i fucked up real bad.,listener_1,2,"I hope you're doing better now. If you wanna talk about it, can you share what happened?",0.7906,positive,questioning 1422,depressed,i fucked up real bad.,listener_1,3,"You fell in love with someone and they reciprocated your feelings. Understandably, you should've informed your friend or understood that what you would do would be immoral, but you were blinded by your affection and were confused on how to react. I'm guessing you're young and well, this is what young people end up doing. To an extent, yes, this is your fault. But you musn't beat yourself up about it. Of course, reflect and reconsider and promise to take a better course of action. You said sorry to your friend and that in itself is a good first step. However, the rest of this situation can be summed up with "" your friend was way too childish"". Did she have a right to be mad? Of course she did. It would even be reasonable for her to stop being your friend. But to carry it on, spread rumors about you, manipulate your peers, and kick you out is senseless and just plain stupid. You don't need friends like her. She made work place and your social life a living hell, and being friends with someone like that, you're better off without her. As for your current situation, can you link up with your family members or some other friends of yours? I'm sorry I can't give much advice on this, but rest assured, a good chunk of this situation is not your fault. At all. Good luck for your future ahead, and I hope you can find joy in this trying time.",0.9929,positive,faithful 1422,depressed,i fucked up real bad.,speaker,4,"the whole story is pretty complicated. we put our entire savings into our work. some of our mutual friends are stakeholders. we were all stuck in this mess. i know i ruined her relationship, and her work too.",-0.0772,negative,agreeing 1422,depressed,i fucked up real bad.,speaker,5,"thank you for your kind words. i really don't have anyone to share this with because the whole story is super complicated because many of our mutual friends are stakeholders in our work. but now with me out of the picture, i hope there will be no more drama. I will try to get myself out of this mess and move on with my life. Thanks again for your advice, kind stranger. :)",0.9568,positive,consoling 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,1,"Feeling worthless, terrible parent. SO is off at job interviews, doing a great job at it, should be landing one soon. Always staying positive, working hard, helping out around the house on top of it all. I can't move from the couch. Got up long enough to make pancakes for my teen. Getting dressed is near impossible. The thought of a shower doing my hair is so overwhelming. I can manage but only when I have to. I'm alone all day. Too much anxiety to leave the house, I can't remember faces and names, my memory is awful I'm afraid to do any thing because of that. Even just doing laundry is over whelming. House is basically clean, but barely. I can barely hold it together. I'm so tired and fatigued all the time. I don't know how to break this cycle. I just want to be normal again. It's been years. I'm 20 lbs over weight (not really that bad I know) so no clothes fit, so getting dressed is near impossible, everything is uncomfortable. I have thyroid issues I can't get diagnosed properly. Body hurts all the time. I'm talking my meds, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Can't remember the last time I enjoyed anything. I just don't know how to fix me. I wish I had a buddy to do things with for motivation. I have no passion, nothing interests me anymore. LTDR: I can't get off the couch, I'm worthless, I don't know how to break the cycle. Don't know how to find a passion.",-0.9295,negative,ashamed 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_1,2,"20.0 lbs ≈ 9.1 kilograms ^(1 pound ≈ 0.45kg) ^(I'm a bot. Downvote to remove.) _____ ^| ^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8lt7af/i_am_a_bot/) ^| ^[PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Ttime5) ^| ^[Stats](http://botmetric.pythonanywhere.com) ^| ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Bot_Metric&subject=Don't%20reply%20to%20me&message=If%20you%20send%20this%20message,%20I%20will%20no%20longer%20reply%20to%20your%20comments%20and%20posts.) ^| ^[v.4.4.6](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8o9vgz/updates/) ^|",0.0,neutral,annoyed 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,3,"It's been so long now. I've had bouts like this before, but I could always break out of it. But now it hasn't been good for years, but consistently bad and getting worse for almost a year now, at least, really bad the past few months. I manage to walk the dog a little a few times a week only because my neighbor calls to get me out. I used to love the fall, but this is the first time I don't even care about finding the beauty in the leaves. I used to run, I used to enjoy things, but now even when we go out to do things that could be fun I just fake my way through the whole thing. I'm just looking for anything that can break this cycle. All my old methods just aren't working.",-0.509,negative,afraid 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,4,"One of the best things I did was tell my doctor. Have you talked to your doctor? My seasonal depression stopped being seasonal about two years ago. I ended up in a major depressive episode. It took some time after discussing antidepressants for me to accept the fact that I needed help. I started them last winter. After a month or two I felt more in control of my mood and emotions. It helped me break free a little. It’s not some miracle cure but it got me functioning again. It broke the cycle. My SO was supportive and would try to get me off the couch or out of the house but neither of us was equipped to help me when I was at my worst. I gained about 30 lbs, and I still am working on getting back into eating healthy and going to the gym again. But I stopped punishing myself over it. I threw out the clothes that don’t fit. Looking at them made me feel bad about myself. I got rid of them and allowed myself to buy some stuff that I liked and fit. It helped. Talking to my mom, sister, and best friend also helped a lot. I had been shutting them out. I felt like a burden. I was embarrassed and ashamed. Admitting to them what I was feeling, what was on my mind. Admitting the worst of it. I hadn’t left the couch and I wasn’t showering. It actually helped. It was like an avalanche. I told my mom. I told my best friend and my sister right after. It felt like a little weight was lifted. They loved me. They may not have know what to say or do, but I wasn’t so alone, they had my back. Once I was out of the worst of it, when I talked about it more, I came up with a plan with each. How I would reach out, how they thought they could help me. Plus talking about triggers that could be avoided or helped. Like when my SO had to travel for work. I plan to take my dogs and stay with my parents for a night or two. Also I agree about autumn. Well I love summer. The sun, heat and humidity. It’s my favorite season. But I’ve always looked forward to fall. I lived in the south for a while and what I missed the most was the change of the seasons. Especially summer to fall. Apple picking. Hot cider. Leaves changing, pumpkins, apple cider donuts. The late sunrise and early sunset are already starting to get to me. I set up my light alarm clock that mimics the sunrise and plays obnoxious bird chirping/outdoor sounds. It’s helping me wake up in the morning. I’m looking into light therapy too. I am also working on getting up the courage to ask my doctor about increasing dosage for my antidepressant. I’m still on a very low dose and I want to see if a little more would help. Also, I’m glad your neighbor is trying to help and get you out. Are you close with them? ",0.9917,positive,grateful 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,5,"Yes I am hypothyroid, on armor thyroid, but I still have symptoms, Dr keeps telling me I'm ""normal"" even though I'd like to at least try an increase in the meds, just had tests done a few weeks ago. It's like he won't even listen, which is so frustrating. THS is normal middle of the road, but FT4 is barely in the normal range and same with T3. I'd like to at least try an increase, but he's won't do it.",0.8857,positive,annoyed 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_3,6,"It may be worth trying to get another opinion. In the meantime, can you try doing a tiny bit more and see if that helps at all? If it does you can tell the doctor and if the response is inadequate, you will be motivated to find another doctor, hard as that is to do when feeling so depleted, but if there's a way to feel better, it's worth it. Don't just tolerate living in this tortured way. It's not healthy. Doctors who don't listen to patients in situations like these, drive me crazy! Take care and do whatever it takes to stop feeling so sick.",-0.5985,negative,apprehensive 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,7,"I do have a weekly therapy appt, although i don't feel like it's going any where. I'm seeing my PCP in a few weeks for a physical, hoping maybe something comes up in the blood work. My neighbor and I are pretty good friends, but i can't quite let her know how bad things are. I have two other friends, but at this point I feel like I'm nothing but a burden. I want to enjoy the fall, but my anxiety has been getting the best of me, doing things alone is next to impossible. Actually it's totally impossible. I just don't have anyone to *do* things with.i wish I could run again, I used to. But now my anxiety just takes hold and I can't go alone.",0.9713,positive,lonely 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,8,"I don’t do therapy, but I go to a personal trainer every week at my gym. It’s like therapy for me. For a while it’s the only thing that got me out of the house. An injury triggered/exacerbated the major depressive episode and also limited my ability to go to my trainer, so I missed it for a while. It helps because it’s exercise. It helps because it gets me out of the house. It helps because I’m responsible to someone else, but I can cancel if I need to. I think you should tell your neighbor or friends. At least one of them probably knows something is up but don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or ashamed. My guess is your neighbor has an idea if they’re regularly trying to get you out of the house. I know the looks of empathy or not knowing what to say/how to help can feel awkward. But I think reddit is a good place to start. Finding a way to articulate it, so when you are ready to talk to others about it, you have the words. You are not the burden, depression and anxiety are the burden. A good friend will want to help you carry that weight. But they can’t help unless you ask. ",0.9825,positive,faithful 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,9,"I get so dejected, you are right, I do need to check with another Dr. It's so hard to find an endocrinologist and then get an appointment with them, and with my anxiety off making phone calls it gets so hard to keep advocating for myself. I was thinking of increasing my thyroid meds by half a pill just to see if I feel a little better. It takes so long for it to work. Thank you so much for your concern, it really means a lot. ",-0.5333,negative,grateful 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,10,"She does know i have health issues, so that does help a bit, but I haven't gotten into the mental issuses. It's so hard to accept that depression/anxiety part of me as *real*, and not just that I'm lazy. Thank you so much for your words and concern. I wish I could find someone who was interested in things I used to be interested in that maybe I could do them again. Anything artsy, painting, crafty things, but none of my friends are interested in that stuff and I am too afraid to try to meet new people even if I knew how. Or someone to run with me. My friends don't do that either. The only way I got out of this before was with some one else who we had to back each other up to get out of the house. I don't have those people any more. Partly due to a manic episode I had years ago and almost lost my marriage over it. So I think that makes it even harder to try it again, even though I know that's what will work. I just feel alone. I am alone. Even though SO does his best to support me, I know her doesn't really get it. I can't thank you enough for your concern. I will try to move tonight and see if I can accomplish something around the house.",0.9793,positive,grateful 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,11,Part of the problem when I was at my lowest was I had an injury but we didn’t know right away what was wrong. Not knowing and waiting was caused my anxiety to spike uncontrollably. I don’t know how else to explain it. I agree with the other commenter. You need to advocate for yourself. It sucks when you don’t have the energy because of a heath problem. It’s a rock a hard place. ,-0.9382,negative,agreeing 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_3,12,"Try increasing your dose for a day or two by a tiny bit, even less than 1/2 a pill, at first if you can. Being hyperthyroid isn't fun either. Good luck and don't give up. You can't. ",-0.2751,negative,wishing 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,13,What kind of artsy/craftsy things do you like to do? I started learning how to sew again. I wanted to do quilting eventually but I’ve only done a few small bags/purses and plushies. And I think I’m liking the plushies a lot. I did two dolphins (not quite right yet though) today. I’m also having trouble finding friends that want to sew with me or work on a sewing project. My bff does but she just had a baby so we have stuff planned for a few months down the road. There are classes locally but I just read and watch online tutorials. I don’t like new situations much and get anxious which manifests I’m serious hyper active behavior or me being silent and awkward (both are very awkward actually). I used to be much better at it but since the major depressive episode I’ve had trouble putting myself out there like that again. ,0.9189,positive,disappointed 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,14,"I used to paint, and do charcoal drawings, nothing great, but it used to be fun. Used to like to just color, that's not fun anymore. My eyesight isn't great, now and that's frustrating. It's like my body is just failing me. I used to love all sorts of arts and crafts stuff, making things with the kids. I started a cross stitch that I have not been able to work on for months. Just nothing is fun anymore and all I can think of is what do I do with it when I'm done making it? It just becomes clutter. Sewing is an impressive talent. I totally feel your pain getting into classes and new situations. If I had one person to go with me I could manage it, but going alone? Forget it.",-0.731,negative,disappointed 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,15,Thank you so much kind stranger.,0.7334,positive,wishing 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,16,"What to do with them? Sell on Etsy or give away as gifts. Cross stitch is especially hot right now. Did you like cross stitching pictures or text more? I’ve never tried cross stitch but I do love the look and have thought about trying. I have a bunch of nieces and nephews from newborn to 8 years. So plushies seem like a good route for me because I can give them as presents. My SO is actually really excited about the plushies. I started with 1 whale and he was raving that we should sell them at the small retail shop he works at that is ocean-related. I looked it up and there are quite a few laws and regulations about selling stuffed animals so my goal is to do a bunch to give out as Christmas presents. After that I might do them properly labeled to sell. But only while it’s fun and if he promises to mark up the prices for the customers I don’t like. However my attention span is very short. First I need to see if I can make some good enough to give away as gifts. I used to love coloring too. I still have tons of markers, colored pencils, crayons, ... but I kinda got bored with it. If I get a coloring book for Christmas or buy myself one for the winter I’ll probably color a bit. A good friend of mine used to come over to color. we would smoke pot and color. It’s a good winter activity. ",0.9947,positive,hopeful 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,17,"Sounds like fun to be able to have a reason to make something that is fun for you to do, and how nice to have an outlet for it and someone who appreciates what you do. I've only really done one full cross-stitch before. The one I'm working on now is probably more than I should try to start with since it's been so long, but I had an idea that I really wanted to do to hang in our house, so now it's stuck in my head. I started it, but then it was so hard to see and I haven't found the right strength readers to be able to see it clearly. So again I become frustrated and just stop. I should just go but something simple and see if I can do that. It's just that everything seems overwhelming. But thanks to you when I brought the dog out I actually ran up and down the driveway with her twice instead of just standing there. And then I got most of my kitchen clean before I say back down on the couch. Baby steps.",0.8946,positive,proud 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,18,"Baby steps is what it’s all about. One goal at a time. And I’m really happy you ran up and down the driveway :) I do way better when I use a paper habit tracker. A couple things I track: did I leave the house today? Past the yard or driveway, and errands like grocery shopping or dropping mail at the post office count, hell even going to dunks counts. Another is did I do 20,000 steps per my Fitbit. How much water I drink. My wake time. I haven’t been tracking but I might again. I usually do good if I have it printed and on my desk. I just ordered a light/magnifying glass on amazon to make some sewing stuff easier. Like pulling threads through to tie off. What was the cross stitch idea you’re working on? If you don’t mind sharing. ",0.9648,positive,proud 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,speaker,19,"Oh Dunks counts as an outing for sure! I had a daily planner I was using for awhile, but it felt hopeless, so I have to find a way to start using it again. I was thinking about a light like that, if I can get started again. It's a silhouette of a wreath of branches with two little birds in a nest, momma and daddy birds on either side, with the lyrics to the chorus of my SO's fave song about family. I had to draw it directly into the fabric as that was the only way I could find to make it work. The branches are tough because they have to be a combo of straight stitches and cross stitches. So I wasn't sure if it was good enough so I stopped.",0.5975,positive,nostalgic 1423,depressed,Another day on the couch - I'm just worthless,listener_2,20,I love that idea. I think you should work on it when you can and don’t worry about the finished product. If you only focus on a small section at a time then when you’re ready to finish think about the whole piece. The light/magnifier I ordered today was $33. I can’t wait. It’ll make some sewing tasks a little less frustrating.its such a dumb thing to be excited about.,0.4404,positive,excited 1424,depressed,I’m 15 And Don’t Know Why I’m Depressed,speaker,1,"I have no where to turn to right now so I’m venting my life story here :/ My name is Georgia. I’m 15 and Australian. I started my childhood on the border of Queensland and New South Wales and spent about 6 years there. I lived with my 4 siblings and our mum and my dad. They have their own dad and I have mine. At the time, my dad and mum were still together. As I recall, occasionally, I would hear them arguing about money, I would ask them if they were fighting and they would say no. I was like 3 so I wouldn’t think much of it. When I was 4, my parents spilt. My father, living on one side of town, my mother, on the other. We did the whole ‘you take her one week and I’ll take her the other’. From what I remember, I was more disappointed than sad about their spilt. When I was 7, my mother, my sister, my brother, my new stepfather and l moved to Toowoomba, not to mention, a little far from my father, in which, our weekly visits turned to monthly. Our home had many marigolds out the front and a golf course behind. It was cosy but I didn’t warm up to it. I went to a new school. It was terrible. Usually when you’re 7, friends don’t matter. You’re just looking for someone to play tag with. The kids at my new school were snobs. For the whole 8 months we were there, I never made any real friends. My only friends were my moshlings on the computer. Mum had a 9 to 5 job, meaning I had to get used to After-School Care. I made cookies and crafts but no friends. My teacher wasn’t great either. I faked sick 7 times just to go home. That year, we moved again. We moved to Mackay, further from my father. My school experience wasn’t much of a difference from the last. I had trouble making friends. I ate my lunch often alone. I started clarinet lessons, but it was more of a chore than a hobby. My mother got yet another 9 to 5 job, but I didn’t go to after-school care. I had to go to a home with Jess, a supervisor who took care of kids after school or daycare. I was the oldest one there so it wasn’t really something to look forward to. I learned how to ride my bike back in my first town with my father so I started riding in Mackay. Nope. I was 7 and the ride from home to school was a little far. My father moved just outside of town so we began the ‘You have her one weekend and I’ll have to the next’ routine again. I found an interest in netball. I trained with another school every Thursday afternoon and had games every Saturday. It was fun but I didn’t attend the school I played for so again, no real friends. I finished year 2, 3, 4 and the beginning of 5. You know what that means. My manipulative step father, who legally wasn’t even my step father, dragged me and my mother to a town out west. Middlemount. He was a miner and it was known for its mining jobs. My mother worked as a cleaner and still didn’t have time for me. New school, new life. The school was okay. I participated in Project 600, where myself and group of kids in my level were pulled out of a lesson for an hour, went to the computer lab and voice chatted with this lady while doing online school work. It was fun. The kids there were.. different. I met a girl named Brooke. She was British and had a dash hound named Thumper. We were good friends. I only saw my father every few weeks. That life ended once we moved to Townsville. Even further from my father. My father didn’t move with us to Townsville. He’s still outside of Mackay to this day and I see him every 6 - 10 weeks. I finished primary school in Townsville. I made a best friend. She didn’t go to the same high school as me though, i was quite sad. She then moved to Brisbane and we barely talk now. I landed my first boyfriend at the end of year 6. We graduated to high school together until we broke up. He couldn’t take the backlash of social categories. I made a few friends, a major one being a girl. We had sleepovers every weekend but we soon had our fall out as she became popular and moved schools. I was saddened by it. I felt crushed as she made rumours about me. I wasn’t good enough for her and I don’t blame her. I was weird. I had a rough past. Year 8 came along and it wasn’t any different. I went to Bali with my new best friend and it was great. We made lots of hilarious memories we still quote to this day. Her and I went on a cruise at the beginning of this year and she didn’t like it. We had a fight and broke up our friendship. We made up about 3 months ago and we’re better than ever. Year 9 came around and, boy, did I change. I looked very different as I got a hair cut, developed more womanly body parts. But this wasn’t the cliche ‘oh she got boobs and she became popular’. No. Everyone still saw me as the same person mentally but a different person physically. I developed a passion for music again and gained the skills of guitar, piano and ukulele as well as great vocal chords. I had a crush on a boy. He had established that he had one for me too but he was a nerd. He had strict parents, and crazy friends who he knew would judge him if he was dating me. He did admit he liked me and told me that he would maybe go out with me. For a few months he lead me on. Never giving me a real answer so I gave up. We are friends to this day. He looks like Dylan Minnette so of course I was head over heels. Its now Term 4. The end of the year. I will be a senior soon. Recently, I had diagnosed myself with depression. I had been deeply missing my father and my mother had turned into the woman who was scared of the truth. She got rid of my step father after a decade of abuse. After a month, she contacted her childhood sweetheart whom she is dating as of now. I liked him but I didn’t love him as she claimed. I began to go through changes. I had thoughts upon thoughts that I may be bisexual. This was the time where I began to ponder if I was actually depressed. I noticed that even the smallest of things would trigger my sad mood. My mother would deny it and say it’s just part of being a teenager but I thought differently. I wasn’t suicidal or self harming myself. The thought of a blade cutting my skin made me cringe. I felt... empty. I would find myself crying a lot more often but couldn’t see why. My friends didn’t understand so I would just say I was tired or had a bad class at school. My mother at one point was suicidal. This was before she got a DVO against my step father. That was a very dark time. It was the real beginning of my sadness. Seeing your mother sobbing uncontrollably to you saying she wants to go home because she’s worthless, a bad mother, a bad person, really broke me. I couldn’t sleep for weeks. I was severely depressed then but it passed. That takes me to now. I have 8 weeks left of Year 9. I’ve cried myself to sleep for days. I’ve had an attraction to two of my girl best friends. I’m questioning a lot and don’t know who I really am anymore. This was my last resort of venting. If you did get through this, thank you for reading and sorry that I skipped a few things. They weren’t really important though. 😕",0.9766,positive,content 1424,depressed,I’m 15 And Don’t Know Why I’m Depressed,listener_1,2,"Hey Georgia, you've had to deal with your parents divorce and lots of moving and upheaval in a short time, its not surprising that its had an affect on your mental health. Your mum has been one of the few constants in your life, but it doesn't sound like any of this has been much easier for her. Does school have any counselling services you could use? I think you need someone to talk to on a regular basis, to help you explore and understand your feeling. Alternatively, could you open up a bit to your mum, have her take you to visit the doc to talk about what options are available that way? Or can you see the doc by yourself? ",0.7556,positive,questioning 1424,depressed,I’m 15 And Don’t Know Why I’m Depressed,speaker,3,"Hi Asrtopuppet, my school in fact does have counselling. I forgot to mention my father and I organised for me to see a counsellor every week behind my mothers back last year. I saw them for a month but I really didn’t find a difference out of it as I was seeing them for different reasons. Opening up to my mother is hard. She is the type of woman to push the truth away, to say she’ll do something but then remembers that she had to do it six weeks ago. She also doesn’t really have much interest in my hobbies or future. She had her first child (my oldest brother) at nineteen so she didn’t have the college experience after school. My father and I have a more closer relationship even though we are far from eachother. My mother hasn’t really liked that I talk to my father on the phone more than I speak to her all year. I want to open up to her about everything but I know she’s going to assume. Push away the truth. I’m going to try to organise counseling at school again next year. Thank you for responding. ",0.9554,positive,trusting 1425,depressed,College might kill me,speaker,1,"I’m a part time college student at a community college in my hometown. This is my second year and I’m getting a degree in IT (for now) I’m thinking about changing my major to graphic design. And I know you might be thinking why change it now? Your already 2 years in! And although this is true, I’ve basically accomplished nothing. I’ve failed 2 classes and had to retake one of them which is math. I’m actual literal SHIT in math so I’m in a slow math class. I’ve been taking in for two semesters now and am nowhere near done or passing that class and this is a class I NEED. It takes up so much of my time and energy. I shit you not I literally spent an hour on ONE question today in class. I got so frustrated and anxious that I gave up and went home. I’ve had such bad anxiety since the semester started and don’t know what I’m going to do. It’s getting so bad to the point where I’m contemplating running away some days are so bad I want to kill my self but I think about my mom and my sister and My boyfriend and I can’t hurt them like that. I know this whole situation doesn’t sound serious. I could just drop out right ? WRONG. My mom will not go for that. She’s expecting me to finish and isn’t letting me drop out. My mom has always scared me a little and still does I don’t know what it is about her that gives me so much anxiety. I feel like everything has to be perfect or else I’m not worthy in her eyes. I’m sure I’m just over thinking or being dramatic but that’s just how I feel I can’t help it. I never cared about college never wanted to go never wanted or cared for a degree. I just want to work. I’m so stuck in my life at this moment I have no idea what I want to do or what to do at all period. I feel like I’m trapped in my own life. I can’t sleep anymore because I can never catch my breath my anxiety is so horrible at this point I can just feel a breakdown coming soon. I would really love to know that I’m not alone and other people are in my position with me. I need support I need help and I need friends. Someone ANYONE please just tell me your with me",-0.9492,negative,ashamed 1425,depressed,College might kill me,listener_1,2,I have been in bad college classes and I know it's not fun. It sounds like your anxiety is making it harder to study tho so I think that's what you need to address first. I know most colleges have a mental health center for the students to use that is usually free (included in tuition so it feels free) that I used in school. I think that may be one place to start. Also go to office hours as much as you can. The professor seeing you try will be of great benefit to you and could be what makes them round up as opposed to down when you are on the bubble.,0.8612,positive,suggesting 1425,depressed,College might kill me,speaker,3,Thank you ! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 1425,depressed,College might kill me,listener_1,4,No problem. Best of luck. I hope it works out for you!,0.6227,positive,consoling 1425,depressed,College might kill me,speaker,5,Thank you so much for sharing that :’) it’s really comforting to me to know I’m not alone ,0.8518,positive,acknowledging 1425,depressed,College might kill me,speaker,6,I feel you 100% you WANT to do better but all you ever think about is going home to your bed and sleeping. Well get through it eventually we just need to take everything 1 day at a time ,0.6269,positive,consoling 1425,depressed,College might kill me,listener_2,7,"Its such a shitty feeling. I know my failures in school is a source of my depression yet I still just put it on the backburner. Im trying though as hard as I can. I told my dad that I was failing a class and he got really mad and said that I better not fail any classes since he is paying all this money for me to go to school and it might end up with me going an extra year. I almost started crying right then bc I dont know what else I can do, its impossible for me to pass the class at this point, Im going to drop out. It just sucks to fail yourself but then that affecting other people as well and you have to face their judgement",-0.8373,negative,sad 1425,depressed,Life sucks,listener_3,1,"I'm 24. I stayed with my grandparents and worked. I also paid my share of the bills. I wasn't mooching or anything. I brought them cable and internet and even paid for all that for them and still do. But they are very Christian and didn't want drinking in the house. One night I brought back beer to use later for a party (forgot about it) and I didn't come home one night because sometimes i work from 9 a.m. till 2 a.m. and I have to drive 45 min from home. So I stay away for the night but never called. So they like raided my room and found those beers. I had to move out and they won't talk to me anymore along with a bunch of family. While this was going on me and a girl were hitting it off well and were basically bf and gf for about 2 months (never official) but we were going on dates, staying with each other, kissing hey and bye, holding hands, you know typical lovey dovey shit. one week i had to be somewhere out of town and she got back with her ex. So it hurt alot. I realize she wasn't going to be the one because of this but it still hurt alot and she was really the only one I could turn to. So it put me in a weird place and basically I said fuck everything. I missed shifts on purpose I would obnoxiously buy stupid things i would cuss out people. I was just a horrible person and im having trouble finding my way back to who I am. I just need help. I never want to leave bed and im always just bitter and numb",-0.9849,negative,guilty 1425,depressed,Life sucks,listener_4,2,Im 22 male i sort of understand what youre going through and while i might not be the best person to turn to feel free to pm me when ever to talk :),0.4464,positive,agreeing 1425,depressed,Life sucks,listener_3,3,At this point ive lost most of all I had so I'll talk to anyone ,-0.3182,negative,trusting 1425,depressed,Life sucks,listener_4,4,"there are also many subs that are aimed around making freinds/meeting people/having casual conversation, so you should check those out :)",0.5859,positive,acknowledging 1426,depressed,I wanna go home,speaker,1,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 1426,depressed,I wanna go home,listener_1,2,"me too, friend. me too",0.4939,positive,agreeing 1426,depressed,I wanna go home,speaker,3,not in college,0.0,neutral,sad 1426,depressed,I wanna go home,speaker,4,"I feel the same way. I wish I had friends that I could hang out with a lot but the only friends I have, I just play games with",0.8793,positive,lonely 1427,depressed,Feeling at a loss with college and life,speaker,1,"Hi everyone, I needed to share some frustrations I have been having and hopefully get some feedback or reassurance. Problem I am having and its making me depressed is going back to college. I have almost completed 2nd year for an IT program but I realised I liked programming and the IT program I was in didn't go in to depth about it. So I have to go back to school to do a program more related to programming which will be another 2 years full time at least. I am 22 I know lots of people I graduated high school with that are already finished their degrees and are in good jobs. It makes me sad that I didn't figure this out earlier and it feels like I have wasted my time. Along with that I keep comparing myself to others and I feel like I am a failure. I have a whole year before I can get into this program at least(it's competitive) and it just adds to the time. I know there will be a lot of people saying that 22 is young and its fine but I can't shake the feeling... any advice is welcome, I would love to stop feeling depressed about this",0.7976,positive,sad 1427,depressed,Feeling at a loss with college and life,listener_1,2,You have a strong vision of your future though.,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 1427,depressed,Feeling at a loss with college and life,speaker,3,I know I guess I am getting too caught up in the negative thoughts I have... I really appreciate you taking the time to read and respond. Thank you :),0.5849,positive,grateful 1427,depressed,Feeling at a loss with college and life,speaker,4,Thank you your reply it means a great deal to me :) ,0.8625,positive,acknowledging 1428,depressed,I just can’t,speaker,1,"I just can’t do this any longer. It’s like I’m constantly searching for this empty piece that just isn’t there. The only reason I’m here is my family. I just can’t take this anymore. I don’t belong here. I just needed to get this out because I can’t tell anyone how bad it is because my pain hurts them. I still find joy in things, it’s just a constant state of “ennui”...a boredom of the soul. Thanks for listening ",-0.6124,negative,sad 1428,depressed,I just can’t,listener_1,2,What matters to you?,0.0258,neutral,questioning 1428,depressed,I just can’t,speaker,3,my family and how my death would hurt people,-0.8074,negative,guilty 1428,depressed,I just can’t,listener_1,4,"That's a wonderful thing. It's wonderful that you can see from that perspective, and it's wonderful that you have relationships you value. Pause and appreciate that for a minute. What else is important to you?",0.9517,positive,questioning 1428,depressed,I just can’t,speaker,5,"I’m very lucky to have the supportive loving family that I have. Getting a stable career is important to me, but not for any reason other than enjoying my job and being at least financially stable. Making a positive difference in other people’s world is important to me, but I feel like I fail at that a lot. What’s really important to me is to be content, but it just seems like that isn’t realistic.",0.975,positive,disappointed 1428,depressed,I just can’t,listener_1,6,"You have a gift for perspective and insight. I'm doing some research on human nature right now and 3 quotes come to mind: ""When we seek to bring out the best in others we somehow bring out the best in ourselves"" - William Ward ""The deepest principal in human nature is the craving to be appreciated"" - William James ""Years of evidence proved one very important thing. Our relationships with people matter more than anything else in the world"" -Dr. George Valliant So I'd say you're right on the money with your awareness of how important your relationships are, and how making a positive change in other people's lives can be beneficial. You say you try and fail to do that. You've already had a positive impact on me. What have you tried that's failed? By the way, if contentment doesn't come naturally to someone, it comes with practice and experience. ",0.9732,positive,impressed 1428,depressed,I just can’t,speaker,7,"Wow, thank you so much. This made me cry in a good way. You made me feel like a good person, and that’s so important to me. You’ve also given me some perspective and hope. ",0.941,positive,grateful 1428,depressed,I just can’t,listener_1,8,"I'm glad :) A new perspective can be a good thing. There's a lot in life we don't have control over, but we do have control over our perspective. For what it's worth, listen to that voice inside you that likes to do good for others. I think that will take you a long way toward feeling more content in your life. It has worked for thousands of others. ",0.9393,positive,grateful 1429,depressed,My mother just left me,speaker,1,"I am married and have a wonderful kid who turned one year old today. My mother has been helping us taking care of the kid, while my wife and I work. Today, before we even celebrated our son's birthday, she told us that she is moving us with my Brother (who is a bum and have no job) and she wants nothing to do with us. She was looking to have a fight with me for over a week. She feels my brother is treated unfairly in this world, despite the fact he has no control over his attitude and had three divorces. My mother thinks my brother was the victim while all those women were horrible. I know that it is not true. &#x200B; Anyway, I treat my mother really good and so does my wife. We spend money on taking care of her and buy her items to make things easy for her. However, throughout my life, I always had that feeling that I was the second best and my brother was always the favorite. I sense that my stable career and marriage is something that bothers my mother. She has tried to make things difficult between me and my wife, but I never let her have a platform to criticize my wife. My wife may not be perfect, but then I am neither. However, it is between my wife and me. &#x200B; Well, today she fought with me for no reason and told me that I am dead for her and she is moving in with my brother. My wife tried to cakm things down, but that didn't help as my mother really doesn't think much of my wife. So, here I am feeling all alone and missing my Day, who I lost few years back to cancer. I wish he was here as he always listened to me. ",-0.9728,negative,angry 1429,depressed,My mother just left me,listener_1,2,"While it is your mother and I know you want a relationship with her, you have tried all that you could and she pushed you away. Other than providing free care for your child, it seems like having her in your life brought you more issues than happiness. While it is painful and you will need to take time to grieve the loss of her in your life, this may end up improving how you feel about yourself and allow you and your wife to nor have to make sacrifices just to please her. Also, if you feel she does have issues with you, as your son ages he would begin to sense her tone, words, and demeanor toward you (his father) and your wife (his mother) and that just creates further conflict for him. Start looking for a nanny or day cares for your son and look forward to the future with the wonderful family you have made for yourself. ",0.9575,positive,neutral 1429,depressed,My mother just left me,speaker,3,"Thanks. Unfortunately, it has come to this where I have to consider that I don't have a mother anymore. My wife has been supportive and thinks we can patch things up with my mother, but I have lost any interest to make that happen. ",0.4404,positive,sad 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,speaker,1,"My expectations going into getting medication was that it would make me happy again or at least it would make life enjoyable and I would want to do things. It helps a lot in the way that I am now keeping up in my classes, but thats really about it. It's more of making me not feel like shit most the time, but thats it. I dont feel ""crippled"" anymore but its not like Im actually happier. I dont know if I should ask for a higher dose?",0.8558,positive,apprehensive 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,listener_1,2,I've been on an SSRI for years now and I use it as an aid to keeping myself together which will hopefully lead to me finding happiness through personal efforts. Maybe try therapy/counseling or join a physical activity?,0.8176,positive,hopeful 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,speaker,3,"okay, so this is kind of the normal result?",0.2263,positive,questioning 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,listener_1,4,"From my experience.. yes. I still struggle with emptiness and bouts of depressìon but when I stop taking my meds, (which you're not meant to do without easing off), I become a crying wreck which just proves to me how much the antidepressant works for me. I do a lot of self therapy, reading, I've been to a counseling session, I try to get involved in a group (brass band) or exercise. But sometimes we need to face a few of our demons and learn to accept ourselves and the past. That's more on a spiritual level.. I've just discovered an app called Youper which I'm quite enjoying. Happiness is not a place it's the journey. Mindfulness of the present and the practise of gratitude or simply smiling is another thing to practise. Anyway sorry for long post lol",0.93,positive,lonely 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,speaker,5,"no thank you thats very helpful. Im gonna start working out more and I plan on learning to play guitar which Ive wanted to do for a while so I think those might help. Ok Im going to try to keep pushing, and not make the antidepressants do all the work",0.8065,positive,acknowledging 1430,depressed,I feel like medication made me more high-functioning but not happier?,speaker,6,"Thank you for responding. That all makes sense, its time for me to fo my part",0.3612,positive,agreeing 1431,depressed,"Imma do it, and this time for good.",speaker,1,"I'm so done with people, like I've been talking to this girl for about 4 months (over Snapchat, met her in some sort of music stream, she is from the States I'm from Europe) and in all of these 4 months I was always prepared to chat with her if she needed someone to talk to, I was always ready, always there. But today I asked her out of curiosity, how many chances do I have of being with her someday and she straight up said, and i quote:"" Probably like 0, we will never meet."" I was always there to compliment or to help her out, talk with her about some of her problems, and you can imagine how hard that hit me, knowing that I literally ""wasted"" 4 months of my time and energy on a person. And i hate it when they always say ""YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE SPECIAL"", and yet again they are not prepared to give it a shot with me. Imma legit do it this time. I'll try to talk with her and I hope that she meant it differently, otherwise imma get super high, and just jump under a train. My whole life is a mess anyways.",0.9451,positive,prepared 1431,depressed,"Imma do it, and this time for good.",listener_1,2,Please remain in this world and take advantage of how reality changes. No need to really collapse over someone you met online: think about how face to face bonds are in comparison to penpal exchanges.,-0.3384,negative,hopeful 1431,depressed,"Imma do it, and this time for good.",speaker,3,"Well I know that she's just a girl i met on a stream, right? No big deal. The problem is that she was the only person i texted, I don't remember texting anyone as much in my whole life as i texted her in 4 months. That's the hard part.",-0.4939,negative,neutral 1432,depressed,im done,speaker,1,"my life is a mess nobody actually cares about me or at least not enough to spend 1 second alone with me, my dad hates me, and the best part of my life is when I can go to my room and start cutting again. Im gonna end this hell hole. ",-0.7351,negative,angry 1432,depressed,im done,listener_1,2,"The world is a very big place. I can bet you haven’t seen even 1% of all there is to see out there. If you hate your present life, instead of giving up, plot your escape. Most people don’t realize they don’t have to keep living the way they do. If life is really shit and you haven’t moved to another country and started over, you’re not done. Doesn’t matter if it takes you ten months or ten years to do it. Don’t just give up when you haven’t even tried every last option.",-0.6775,negative,jealous 1432,depressed,im done,listener_2,3,"If OP is a minor, that is not good advice.",-0.3412,negative,neutral 1432,depressed,im done,listener_3,4,Way better than killing urself ?? Duh ,-0.4329,negative,afraid 1433,depressed,Need of advice or anything to get through this,speaker,1,"I've been cutting myself since I am 13 years old and now I'm 16 years old. I always keep it a secret and only talk to one people about this,my 'bestfriend'. One day,my parents found out and said that I'm doing it for attention and 'following trend' eventhough I'm not. When they said that I didnt say anything back and went to my room. Some of my close friends knew about it but they didn't even bother. situation was not good and I'm alone. How do you cope with this",-0.3083,negative,ashamed 1433,depressed,Need of advice or anything to get through this,listener_1,2,Stop cutting yourself. Also ask yourself why you think self-harm is the best way to handle difficult emotions. ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1433,depressed,Need of advice or anything to get through this,speaker,3,"the thing is, i myself wasnt sure why I cut myself. ",-0.47,negative,neutral 1433,depressed,Need of advice or anything to get through this,listener_1,4,"I remember some wordless feelings about why I used to cut, and they were related to depression, but I don't have an exact reason for everyone. Speaking with a trusted counselor is a good way to learn about specific emotions related to unhealthy behaviors.",0.128,positive,disappointed 1434,depressed,Whats APP Group Chat,speaker,1,"I've been on this subreddit for awhile and i feel like sometimes having a group to talk to could help. I decided to try something. I created a whatsapp group chat just for this group. anyone can join, and talk about anything they'd like within reason. it's just a place where we can all meet some new friends or maybe just have someone to talk to that understands us. I think only 256 people are allowed per channel, so if we max out i'll create another one. this is just an experiment i don't know how this will work or if it even will. just wanted to try something to help. &#x200B; [https://chat.whatsapp.com/KGZ1iaDXHURAMsgqGZ6A6G](https://chat.whatsapp.com/KGZ1iaDXHURAMsgqGZ6A6G)",0.9501,positive,suggesting 1434,depressed,Whats APP Group Chat,listener_1,2,u/greatyellowshark u/undercurrents u/R0b0tDude I forget if chat posts are allowed here?,-0.2263,negative,questioning 1434,depressed,Whats APP Group Chat,listener_2,3,"Personally, I don't think they should be. There's been requests on lots of subreddits for group chats but I think the unmoderated group chats and the fact that anyone can create one and potentially post about it is a problem. If we allowed one chat posts, it'd only be fair to allow more and that's where the problem lies IMO. ",-0.5927,negative,annoyed 1434,depressed,Whats APP Group Chat,listener_1,4,Thanks. I will update the sidebar.,0.4404,positive,wishing 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,1,"im never going to get to a point where I enjoy my life so I might as well just fucking kill myself. Ive been telling my therapists and psychiatrist that I could never kill myself because I wouldnt want to put my family through that but i dont know... I just wanna be fucking happy man. Its torture, to live life like this. Why cant I be normal. I wanna die, i wanna die, i wanna die. God please why. I fucking hate this. I hate everything. Why do I feel this way",-0.9712,negative,angry 1435,depressed,fuck everything,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling! I’m sick of life as well, Each day is just so bland and painful. ",-0.6317,negative,agreeing 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,3,just finished typing my suicide note. Not planning on going through at the moment but every day the idea gets more appealing,-0.4118,negative,anxious 1435,depressed,fuck everything,listener_1,4,"I know the feeling, it’s so scary. At least you’ve got the note done, now you don’t have to worry about writing one. ",-0.7089,negative,agreeing 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,5,"typing that note I cried for the first time in a while. im gonna try to go to sleep, maybe Ill feel better in the morning",-0.3612,negative,sad 1435,depressed,fuck everything,listener_1,6,Take a warm glass of milk and try your best. Sleeping always helps me. Make sure to have a long sleep. Sleep tight! ,0.8832,positive,wishing 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,7,"yea, I do feel better now. It was honestly prb my meds wearing off",0.7096,positive,agreeing 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,8,I dont believe thats true. I think I can get to that point. Ots just frutlstrating because I dont know how and none of my efforts are fruitful,-0.3252,negative,terrified 1435,depressed,fuck everything,speaker,9,">seeing a therapist for 3 months, and I know I would need to go longer than 3 months but I actually got worse during that time. I worked out and exercised, and I took vitamin d pills. Lessened my stress, talked to friends about it. Read advice amd tried to follow ot and read dr burns feeling good From last time I was asked this. Also medication now which helps to a degree but its still always there",0.7964,positive,faithful 1436,depressed,help.,speaker,1,I was with a girl who struggled from a horrible depression and went through horrible shit and was recovering from drugs while we were dating. A few days ago she got very drunk and ended up sleeping with another guy. I forgave her and tried to make it work and she was desperate to prove she was sorry and did everything to make it work but I just couldn't do it. I love her so much and she loves me so much but i broke it off last night. I told her she needs to forgive herself and learn to love herself but I can't fucking stop thinking about her I can't be alone I'm so hurt and i dont want to lose her or the memories we had i'm going crazy please somebody tell me what I need to do.,0.8375,positive,faithful 1436,depressed,help.,listener_1,2,"I don’t know you’re living, work, or social situation. Do you have a friend or family member that you trust and can talk to? If not, you can PM me or we can chat here. I understand if it is easier to talk about it anonymously. I do think it would be good if you can work up to talking to someone nearby that you can hang it with and talk to. edit to add: you should treat yourself to something special, go somewhere special or indulge a little bit. A massage, a new book, plan a vacation day and go to a museum or event. ",0.9601,positive,suggesting 1436,depressed,help.,speaker,3,"I just turned 19. Had a great social life before I dated her. Played football as a running back and linebacker, was a boxer, and I just got a job last week. I just invested everything in her when we met I just wanted her to be happy and safe. Didn't want anything in return. I'm slowly regaining contact with friends which is good... I'm lucky I have people around that understand me but it was wrong of me to dedicate every single day for 3 months to my partner. Almost went and saw her last night. And she called me this morning and we had a bit of a chat. She thinks we can stay friends and be able to see each other some times but I just don't think that's the way. I feel like I need her gone from my life forever but I don't want that. My whole life was based around her and now she's gone it's like, what next??",0.9506,positive,faithful 1436,depressed,help.,listener_1,4,"Many people make the mistake of focusing so much on their romantic relationship that other relationships suffer. The fact that you can see this and admit it, is good. I made the mistake many times myself. My friends were there ready to help me move forward. I am not friends with any exes, but I don't have ill will or bad feelings towards them (most of them at least). It's possible to forgive and forget for the most part. The forgetting can be key. Either way, you need space and time away from her at this point.",-0.0075,neutral,grateful 1436,depressed,help.,listener_2,5,"You need space from her to remember that you are capable of living without her. Then you can slowly build a friendship again. This doesn’t mean you have to cut her off, just try dedicating your time to being on your own and other people so you can adjust. Time heals all. You made the best decision for yourself. Feel better and good luck! ",0.9493,positive,wishing 1436,depressed,help.,speaker,6,"My whole life I have tried my best to stay peaceful, forgiving, loving and optimistic and I was successful for many years in doing that... I'm not asking for anything in return from life, but can't I just get something going for me that doesn't fuck up somehow? I am so close to dumping everything I've ever believed in. It feels like everything that ever was and will be is a lie. Anyway I won't rant about it anymore I'm sorry. Thank you for taking the time to try and help. It really means a ton. Love you. Take care.",0.9871,positive,faithful 1436,depressed,help.,listener_1,7,"If a friend was telling you this, about themselves. What would you say? I imagine you would remind them that they just got a new job, and that is great. You can go back to a boxing gym and get back into it, you are by no means too old to start boxing (or training to compete, if that's what you did). I did boxing and other martial arts for a while. I found that taking out all my frustration and hurt on a heavy bag was very helpful. Plus the endorphins will help you feel better. If you have a friend you used to spar or go to the gym with, I suggest trying at least for 1 day, focusing your energy there. If you enjoyed any doing this at all again, or felt even a tiny bit better afterwards, make plans to do it again in a few days. &#x200B; I hope you have a good day today.",0.9738,positive,proud 1437,depressed,i can't even kill myself properly,speaker,1,how pathetic i am lol,-0.2263,negative,ashamed 1437,depressed,i can't even kill myself properly,listener_1,2,Are you planning on making another attempt?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1437,depressed,i can't even kill myself properly,speaker,3,"yes, i hope i'm not going to fail again",0.8151,positive,consoling 1437,depressed,i can't even kill myself properly,listener_1,4,Choose life; get help.,0.4019,positive,afraid 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,speaker,1,"A few weeks ago my friend sent me a pic of his slit wrists and a knife. He told me not to tell anyone. I panicked and called his mom (I don't live within driving distance) and told her that he needed help. He won't talk to me anymore because I violated his trust. Another friend in the same friend group became really depressed and I haven't heard from him in two weeks. I found out from an old mutual friend that he tried heroin at a party about two weeks ago. My family has fallen apart (parents are divorced, significantly younger brother), and my dad regularly threatens to call the police on me if I don't listen to him. I am living in the 12th and 13th houses of my life (17 years old), so the friends I do have are spread out around the country. About a month ago, I asked a certain girl out at my school and got rejected pretty hard, so I feel like I've alienated myself from people at my current school. The future seems pointless. I don't know what to do and don't have anyone to talk to. I've never felt so alone. I'm beginning to think maybe my friend had the right idea.",0.8893,positive,terrified 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_1,2,"Don't give up, don't leave your brother alone he needs you you did the right thing telling your friend's mom. Is there a teacher that you get along with or a guidance counselor? I know it's hard but there most be someone you can reach out to. And honestly if you are seriously thinking about it go to the ER and tell them there. They will take care of you, someone there will talk to you and make sure you are alright. If you don't get alone with your dad how is your mom?",0.9286,positive,trusting 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_2,3,"For me, it just got worse after HS, and I had a pretty shitty HS experience.",-0.5423,negative,sad 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_3,4,"Well, after college then. :) ",0.6249,positive,neutral 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_2,5,That's assuming I'm not out of college as well. A pretty broad assumption to make.,0.6486,positive,trusting 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_3,6,I'm trying dude... :) ,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_2,7,"I know. My point is that it doesn't necessarily get better. You can't help someone by just painting with broad strokes. What happens if your entire life you are promised that it gets better after high school? You wait and watch and hope for that point in time. Well, for people like me, college was a soul-sucking point of life. Of course, everyone will say that it just gets better after that. Then, it quite possible becomes even more unbearable. What do I think of the people who gave me that advice and encouragement? I think back to their uselessness. I realize now that they just didn't want to put in the effort to really understand where I was coming from. They didn't care about me anymore than the next random dude on the street. They just didn't want me to give up because they didn't want the bad feelings involved with me giving up, so they push on this false hope onto me that it ""gets better"". It might for some people, but if you're like me, it only got worse. &#x200B; Nothing personal against you. I think you are a generally good person for encouraging someone you don't even know. I just want you to be careful of the way you go about it.",0.9602,positive,disappointed 1438,depressed,My friend wants to kill himself. I'm beginning to think he has the right idea.,listener_4,8,"I think thats the tough part. As much as you want to help somebody and see them get better, there's only so much you can do. And for a lot of people they don't get better, and all you can do is watch. You can talk to them and really listen. Try to do things with them, invite them places. Whatever little things they can find enjoyment in, but in the end, it's not a problem you can solve.",0.8264,positive,neutral 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,1,"Hi, my first time posting but have wanted to for a few years now. I don’t even know if anyone will even read this or even care. I am 53 and have been clinically depressed for over 25 years. I was married for 16 years and divorced for 5. I have 2 great kids 16 & 19 and they are my world. That being said, as of around 15 years ago I don’t remember a single day where I have felt any real joy in my life. I take some responsibility for my failed marriage. I let my depression make me withdraw and isolate and it slowly deteriorated. I also felt abandoned by my wife years before the divorce. She claimed some heinous things against me for years before the end only to come clean in her deposition. She also was planning the divorce over a year before we divorced. I was devastated. I lost all my friends when married and have always struggled to find new ones and keep them. No one EVER calls me back. My best friend, my dog died just before my divorce. I have been on all kinds of meds over the years and have helped to some degree but still have terrible days. I struggle so mightily to even get out of bed. My kids know about this but are supportive. I hate myself so much for that burden I placed on them, even though my ex told them without asking me first. I have lost so many jobs over the years over this. I am so alone. I have no one. Even my new dog would leave if he understood. I have made some bad decisions over the years and I hate myself so much, so so much. I have wanted to kill myself for sooo long. The ONLY THING STOPPING me is I don’t want to hurt my kids. I feel so trapped. I want it to end. I’ve even been on a few dinner dates but no one ever calls back. I wake up alone, go and work alone, come home and watch tv alone and go to sleep alone. The only people I ever talk with are my kids to say goodnight, every night. Makes me sad though. I’m crying as I write this. I’m so sad and no meds seem to work. WHY! I feel so empty inside... just want it to end Any way I could go on forever. I hope someone cares enough to just type “hello” 😢",-0.9981,negative,lonely 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_1,2,"Ya, middle age is a gloomy time for me as well. My survival instincts are strong enough, but I can see myself commiting seppuku in about 20 years when the gloom becomes all pervasive. ",-0.5423,negative,apprehensive 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,3,Thanks for responding. I know it sounds silly but at least you did.,0.25,positive,neutral 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,4,"I keep telling myself as soon as they start their own lives after college, not sure even then if I could hurt them. So many years left of pain though.",-0.8254,negative,apprehensive 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_1,5,'Constructive masochism': I accept suffering as a semi-permanent phenomena as well as remind myself about how transitory my brain is.,-0.25,negative,surprised 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,6,I try to think in similar ways but always feel like I’m lying to myself. I am in therapy as well,0.0772,positive,ashamed 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,7,"Maybe I will look into the thyroid thing, thank you",0.3612,positive,suggesting 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_2,8,"Also, low vitamin B12 can cause depression along with other things. ",-0.5574,negative,agreeing 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_3,9,"It's funny you mention that (ironic, not haha) because my PCP just noticed my eyebrows are turning prematurely gray and she said that's a sign of low B12 so she's trying injections to see if that helps.",0.1078,positive,surprised 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_2,10,"Ha, that's interesting. Fingers crossed it'll have mood lifting effects. ",0.4019,positive,encouraging 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,11,"Thanks, it’s been nice to hear from others. I know I’m not the only one going through stuff. I keep telling myself that but nothing does. Hard to find motivation to make changes happen. But I keep chugging. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to die but my kids are the only thing keeping me here for now. Thanks again",0.6535,positive,acknowledging 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_3,12,"Please do. Both of my sons and I are hypothyroid. Memory loss, depression, aches and pains, fatigue.... You never know.",-0.8591,negative,hopeful 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,speaker,13,"Sounds like me, hmmm",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1439,depressed,So lonely so sad,listener_1,14,I hope you changed your mind since you posted the update. ,0.4404,positive,consoling 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",speaker,1,"I wish I could say more. I have no rational reason. I just can't stop crying and I can't get out of bed. I'm so sick of being lonely, it's been for so long now. I just had to put it out there. ",-0.4701,negative,sad 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",listener_1,2,Sorry to hear you're having a rough day. We're here for you... I hope your day improves!,0.69,positive,sympathizing 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",speaker,3,Thank you. I made it from the bed to the couch. So I guess that's something.,0.3612,positive,proud 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",listener_1,4,"Rome wasn't built in a day. I hope you are doing better, and things start to improve!",0.8398,positive,consoling 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",listener_2,5,Share the knowledge with everyone here as well.,0.5106,positive,encouraging 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",speaker,6,"Yes I will get in touch with you, thank you! A little later thank you again! ",0.7909,positive,wishing 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",listener_3,7,a’ight bro notify me :),0.4588,positive,suggesting 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",speaker,8,Sleeping my damn away man,-0.4019,negative,furious 1440,depressed,"I'm just so alone today, so sad. Can't move.",listener_3,9,"You don’t wanna talk? Cmon man, i know your tiredness is keeping you from doing it but just fight through it. ",-0.5267,negative,neutral 1441,depressed,I’m really screwed up and I need to know I’m not the only one out there,speaker,1,I’ve recently came to a harsh realization that I’m not okay and I probably need a lot of help and my Zoloft probably isn’t working anymore. I just need some kind of confirmation that it’s okay to not be alright and that there are other people out there who feel the same way. ,-0.1793,negative,sad 1441,depressed,I’m really screwed up and I need to know I’m not the only one out there,listener_1,2,"Its ok to feel this way, you are not the only one with issues like this believe me i have them too... just keep moving forward and never lose hope. Theres always hope.",0.7545,positive,agreeing 1441,depressed,I’m really screwed up and I need to know I’m not the only one out there,speaker,3,"Thank you. It’s currently 4 am where I am and I’ve just been up all night alone with these thoughts and it’s been pretty rough. So, thank you so much",0.7351,positive,lonely 1441,depressed,I’m really screwed up and I need to know I’m not the only one out there,listener_1,4,"I know it can be pretty rough, but its good that you express by any means how you feel so that is one positive thing.",0.8968,positive,neutral 1442,depressed,Idk what to do or if this goes here so yeah,speaker,1,"I just turned 22, I’m a guy, I’ve never had an actual job that I kept for more than a day (2 of them, might be 3) because I really have trouble talking to people as I’m shy, I get nervous and really anxious, I suck at talking to people and I know my anger over the years has gotten worse and if someone random yells at me, I’m either gonna feel like crying or ripping their soul out but I wouldn’t do that unless they obviously put their hands on me. So, video games were a massive part of my life and I felt like I’ve done nothing but play them since graduating high school in 2014 as they made me happy for the most part but now it’s 2018, I don’t really have any friends anymore and life is getting extremely hard fast and because of my anger the other week like the 13th I put a hole through my monitor, broke my headset, and broke my door mirror out of pure anger and just being sad because of a family argument and it pretty much rendered me full of regret and made me even more sad because I have nothing to do but then GameStop called me like the 17th for an interview and I did get the job for seasonal but I’m probably going to quit, because well I just don’t wanna do it, it’s sales and dealing with customers. I mentally can’t. I tell my mom I don’t wanna work there because of it and she keeps saying she’s disappointed, kinda yelling at me, we aren’t on good terms really, I don’t know what to do, I’m beyond bored, I don’t have friends like that, I can’t go to school because it’s too expensive and I have absolutely 0 idea what career would even be for me, I’m missing out on playing my game which bothers me because I love my games like cod and red dead that’s coming out but I can’t even play them, my family is stressed, I only have a mom and grandparents and 2 sisters. Money is tight and being 22 just sitting around I’ve noticed it’s gotten so much worse. I’ve applied for a UPS Driver Helper as I feel like that would suit me better for a job but like idk what to do anymore I’m seriously sad and very angry, I feel hatred in my chest for a lot of things, i mean there’s personal things about myself that really contributes to me being miserable but like idk what to do man, I seriously wish I never existed and that’s how I really feel about it",-0.9798,negative,ashamed 1442,depressed,Idk what to do or if this goes here so yeah,listener_1,2,I think you can re-direct your anger into contructive passion. Might also be helpful to speak about personal issues with a trusted advisor: it's really beneficial to know what we really are saying to ourselves.,0.8122,positive,suggesting 1442,depressed,Idk what to do or if this goes here so yeah,speaker,3,"I honestly don’t even know how to start any of that, I really wasn’t taught anything valuable skill wise in my life I feel which is why I feel so lost when I see other people my age and younger already knowing how to drive and just in general but thanks for replying to me, I appreciate it",0.8886,positive,grateful 1442,depressed,Idk what to do or if this goes here so yeah,listener_1,4,"Understood. Still, for a young dude like you, life is more malleable because of how much vitality you can muster. One option is to just start working odd jobs until that leads to other opportunities. If your brain is deficient, then you still might be able to earn money/get education. Your personal issues can wait.",0.6249,positive,agreeing 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,speaker,1,"Ok so school isn’t really going any type of fxcking well...in science class and math. Everytime the teacher asks the other students a question they all know the answer, and when the teacher asks me i never know the answer... Ok so! We had science class today and we were talking about oil,coal etc I had literally studied 1 AND A HALF HOUR just to have a answer for what the teacher might casually say.. And THEN, he doesn’t even ask ANY of the questions that he most likely should have asked, instead he asked questions about distillation of coffee and how we were gonna do a experiment about it.. and out og nowhere he asks me the easiest question known to mankind.. «What happens if a flame absorbes oxygen?» AND THEN MY BRAIN DECIDES TO NOT KNOW THE ANSWER FOR WHATEVER FUCKING REASON and i look like a complete idiot... which i already think they think i am.. am i really this dumb? Clearly the world wants me gone thats for sure. Now, let me explain the way i think science and math will not make you smarter: First of all, the knowledge of science or math in itself (THE INFORMATION IN ITSELF YOU GET) will not make you any smarter. It’s the way you think, they way you get from one point to another. That is what being smart is, accomplishing (getting over) that obstacle that is in between point A and B. And then proceeding to point B from Point A. EASIER SAID, it’s the way you think. that’s my personal opinion, but i still feel so fxcking dumb not knowing almost anything about those classes, sure i’m decent at other classes but it still hurts me and makes me feel dumb... I’m also thinking about changing classroom (we have two different) Mainly because i have WAY more friends there and they have better teachers. Idk tho...",0.3961,positive,annoyed 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,listener_1,2,You're right about information. These days you don't need to memorize a bunch of facts - you can look up just about anything you need to know in seconds on the internet. But knowing how to make use of that info is what's important and that requires thinking skills. Math and science are good practice for problem solving skills.,0.6808,positive,agreeing 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,speaker,3,"Yea, but when you never know the answer people are gonna think you’re stupid. Most",-0.6808,negative,neutral 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,listener_2,4,"Talk to the teacher? Let them know you have an anxiety, and while you may know the answers, unless you raise your hand, to please not call on you. Then, if you raise your hand, write the answer down on the paper in front of you, in case you blank. ",0.7906,positive,questioning 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,speaker,5,"It actually wen’t pretty ok today, other students needed MY help to solve the tasks. I can’t actually believe it myself but it’s true",0.8248,positive,surprised 1443,depressed,What the fxck am i supposed to do??,listener_2,6,Good job! Studying pays off. Keep working hard! ,0.4738,positive,wishing 1444,depressed,"I want to get better, but how do I do that when I’m all alone?",speaker,1,"In the last 2 years since I (20 F) started college, my depression and anxiety has really escalated. Currently I spend almost all my time alone and I don’t know how I am supposed to heal if I have no community to support me. My second year of college a lot of bad things happened that triggered my depression. The biggest were that I was bullied and sexually assaulted, on top of the fact that I had been estranged from my parents for months where we weren’t on speaking terms. I felt like my “friends” were not really there to back me up the way I was there for them. I felt embarrassed about being bullied in college (I thought this shit was supposed to stop in middle school?) and those students started bringing the bullying into my classes. When I reached out to teachers and administration, they said they couldn’t really do anything to stop it. Plus, my parents weren’t present as a support system for me. I felt like I had noooo boddddy who was actually there for me when I NEEDED somebody. With all of this going on, I barely passed my second year of college. I couldn’t rely on my parents to understand or comfort me. I couldn’t rely on authority figures to stop the causes of my suffering. I couldn’t rely on my friends because they weren’t real friends. I scrambled to reach out to every resource I could to help me, to keep me healthy and safe, and they all let me down. Fast forward to now — the bullying and assault and the fact that the school did nothing about it left me feeling like college was a really unsafe place for me. I decided to take this semester off so I could heal my mental state and come back next semester ready to be a good student. So Ive been home, working part-time and going to therapy. I thought this would mean I would get better. I thought if I removed myself from the environment and relationships that have traumatized me, I could heal. But I’m afraid I’ve just isolated myself. Since I moved back home, I’m not surrounded by a community of like-minded college-age peers anymore. The only people I see are my therapist (1hr/week), my parents (strained relationship) and the 5 year old I tutor part-time. While being with kids can be really healing (the time I spend with her is honestly the only time I’m not sad), a 5 year old cannot be my old friend. I need to talk to someone about my feelings more than 1 hour a week. I’m just going nuts. *I have no one to talk about my feelings with, no one who understands me, no one to validate my anxieties or tell me when I’m blowing something out of proportion. Basically I have no FRIENDS. I spend so much time alone with my thoughts that I’ve started debating myself. I can have conversations with myself (internally or outloud) for hours that go nowhere. I’ve known that people are complex and each of us has an entire universe inside of us, but I feel like my sense of self has gotten sooo abstract in the absence of others I no longer know who I am or how to think about anything. With no one to bounce my ideas off of and give me feedback on my worldview, I can’t tell how accurate my perspective is relative to others’. I don’t know what’s right or wrong, when I’m under- or over-reacting, when I’m overanalyzing (I’M ALWAYS OVERANALYZING), what I should do instead of thinking about how much I think... My mind just goes in circles all the time. TLDR I am depressed and alone and I want to be not depressed but I’m going fucking crazy with no one to talk to or help me reflect on myself so if there is anyone who wants to be my pen pal pls just shout into the void and I will hear u. i’m so sad i don’t want to do this anymore. has anyone gotten thru something like this? have u ever felt surrounded by people but so impossibly alone?",-0.988,negative,lonely 1444,depressed,"I want to get better, but how do I do that when I’m all alone?",listener_1,2,"As a depressed and anxious college student myself, I am here if you still want to talk!",-0.6476,negative,sympathizing 1444,depressed,"I want to get better, but how do I do that when I’m all alone?",speaker,3,thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 1445,depressed,"Okay, so.... I need someone.",speaker,1,"I..... Okay so my birthday is nearly 2 days. The 27th, this Saturday. I need someone to talk to. I love myself as a person, but I hate my life a therapist isn't helping and my life is upside down and my boyfriend left 2 and half weeks ago and all I want is just someone to tell me it'll be okay because for the past two days I can't stop crying. I.... I have a lived a life filled with traumatic experiences and I just... No one knows my story and it's really shitty. No one is answering their phone right now and I want to shred my legs like I do every night since I was 9. But I am tired of feeling numb and pain. I just want to feel good again. ",-0.9511,negative,sad 1445,depressed,"Okay, so.... I need someone.",listener_1,2,I'm here if you still need to talk. My birthday is Saturday as well. ,0.2732,positive,content 1445,depressed,"Okay, so.... I need someone.",speaker,3,"No way, really? Heh, I'm not use to talking but I need to get things off my chest. ",-0.2609,negative,embarrassed 1445,depressed,"Okay, so.... I need someone.",listener_1,4,"I know it's hard to talk about what you're going through, but I'm here ",-0.0516,negative,sentimental 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,speaker,1,"I am wondering if anyone here wants to scream rather than cut their wrists or kill themselves?Before I used live in a neighbourhood near the forest.I had a habit to go to that forest,scream as loud as I can because of my social and emotional pressure society made for me.I used to get on my knees,scream and cry because I was angry at the world.But recently I moved to a city where I do not have that possibilty and I do not know what do to replace my problem !",-0.9612,negative,afraid 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,listener_1,2,[Ehh?](https://www.amazon.com/BELTBOX-Dampener-Singers-Performers-Portable/dp/B01FRK4MLA),0.0,neutral,questioning 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,speaker,3,"Please help me if you have solution,I am really desperate.I don’t know what to do..",0.6124,positive,grateful 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,listener_1,4,Click the link. You can scream into that? That's the only thing I can think of.,-0.4019,negative,annoyed 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,speaker,5,"Oh I apologise,I thought you were joking with me.Thank you anyways!",0.2942,positive,sympathizing 1446,depressed,I have a problem!-HELP!,listener_2,6,"I could think of other ways if you try and it doesn't work for you, I tend to get creative ideas when it comes to stuff like that",0.6597,positive,neutral 1447,depressed,Throwaway account; long vent post,speaker,1,"My husband has anxiety and depression and a really rough family history, all leading to him being a very angry, rude, condescending person when he's the least bit upset about something, which is often. He's made massive progress in the time we've been together, and has recently been seeing a therapist, but the moment something happens that upsets him he still becomes mean, and lately he's been awful (his depression has been spiking as well) I've always forgiven him and moved on but my anxiety and depression have gone through the roof since being with him, because of the abuse I feel like I'm going through I don't want to ever diminish his own feelings, or, make it worse for him, so 99% of the time I just keep sucking it up and moving on But lately, I can't. I can't help but wonder why I'm with him, I can't help but wonder why we stayed together after all the massive shit we've gone through. I can't wrap my head around how fucking terrible he is to me sometimes. I KNOW he can't always help it, I KNOW he's fucking depressed...but so am I and I have no idea where to turn to for this. I just need to feel like I'm not fucking crazy for being hurt, despite the perfectly understandable reason that he's just fucked up in the head. I'm just so angry and hurt and depressed and anxious and I just need to feel like I have a reason to be. I know no one on here can give me hope that things will get better between us, even though we both want them to, because no one here knows us personally, so I won't be expecting that. I just needed to vent. Does being depressed automatically make you shitty towards other people? I've met so many depressed people who are fucking angels but it doesn't seem to be the case with him so I don't know. Is it easier being with someone who's depressed but at least a nice person? These are questions I always think about. What about those people that just ARE mean because they're depressed? Is there no hope? Fuck, I don't know",-0.9981,negative,faithful 1447,depressed,Throwaway account; long vent post,listener_1,2,do whatever you need to get back your sanity.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1447,depressed,Throwaway account; long vent post,listener_2,3,"Agreed I just do mind games when I get depressed taking it out on myself, if someone cares enough they can make a system that works, after I do that I just talk to people that matter to me and they make me feel better, I don't have to tell em what it was just a relaxing talk helps, so it's not okay the way he does it.",0.8258,positive,agreeing 1448,depressed,😥,speaker,1,There's nothing quite like the feeling of knowing you'll never be good enough ,-0.4532,negative,afraid 1448,depressed,😥,listener_1,2,For who?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1448,depressed,😥,speaker,3,Just in general ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1448,depressed,😥,listener_1,4,"Understood. I am not a Christian but I like the idea of ""Audience of One"" (apply to Higher Power of your choice).",0.5023,positive,faithful 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,1,"For example, about a month ago I was put on medication and it was helping a lot, I was able to do stuff. Then I went in to see the psychiatrist again and he told me that was really great improvement, especially because my does is low , and thats not typical. Then we doubled my dose. Now Ive been taking the higher dose and Ive felt like shit the last 2 days Ive been on it. Before I would usually only get depressed late at night, now its all the time. I cant see how this would be a result of changing the medication since Im just taking more. I think I subconsciously became more depressed because I should feel that way and my improvement was abnormal. It sounds really stupid to type it out, but I feel like this is also how I started getting depressed in the first place. Had a friend who was and just kept reading about it and stuff from other people who had it and eventually I could relate and then it kept getting worse. I feel like this same concept could apply to me for something like anxiety or bipolar. I keep reading about it and I feel like it could eventually manifest itself. I have very mild symptoms of anxiety, prb a normal amount but I cant help but feel like Im going to get worse. I kind if feel like mental illness can be contagious to a degree and a big part of it is placebo and tricking your mind",0.403,positive,surprised 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_1,2,"Can you trick your mind into believing it's happy, carefree and safe? ",0.8442,positive,questioning 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,3,"im not sure. I was wondering if that was possible. A lot of times I think I deserve to be depressed, thats what I default to. Its hard to keep up happiness",-0.2644,negative,apprehensive 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_2,4,"you can trick your mind into anything, for things such as fake happiness you can do it but for a certain time, but eventually you could hit a breaking point and it could become way worse then it was before, speaking from experience...",-0.3291,negative,neutral 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,5,"I havent, I always thought mindfulness was geared towards anxiety and I do stuff like focus on deep breaths, really take in all the information from my different senses when Im feeling anxious. I suppose I could try meditation. Mindfulness to me was something to calm you down in the moment but maybe meditation would be beneficial. Im not gonna lie though, I dont have any part of me that thinks it will make me feel better for more than a day",0.8591,positive,suggesting 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_3,6,"It won't make you feel better for a whole day. Not immediately anyway. It's very different from relaxation techniques. It works equally well for anxiety and depressive thoughts. It's something you invest in that pays dividends over time. Consistent practice can rewire your brain (shown in neuroplasticity MRI studies), helping you to let go of unhelpful thoughts, and to sit with uncomfortable thoughts and sensations with a sense of groundedness. It took me about a month of meditating 15-20 minutes per day to come out of my last deep depression. I haven't fallen back in since. I still have bad days here and there but I'm able to drop the storylines that pull me further down and keep me down. I'll quote something my instructor wrote: *Mindfulness meditation is so much more than just a practice to* *help you to relax. Although it does contribute to experiencing* *greater relaxation and ease in your life, mindfulness meditation is* *actually a way to train your mind and change your brain. Many* *studies support the benefit of developing your awareness and* *training your attention through mindfulness meditation to help* *reduce anxiety and obsessive/depressive thinking. For example,* *researchers at the University of San Diego compared mindfulness* *meditation to relaxation exercises and discovered that* *mindfulness is much more effective at reducing the negative* *impact of the ruminating mind. Mindfulness strengthens our* *ability to see and let go of unhelpful or obsessive thinking and* redirect* *your attention to helpful, constructive thoughts or your* *experience in the present moment. Consistent practice is the key* *to experiencing the benefits of mindfulness in your life.*",0.9919,positive,prepared 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,7,"Ok that sounds a little promising. I feel like I will really struggle to keep doing it everyday though, that's why cbt prb had no effect. If I miss one day, I will just lose it. But I really want to try, do you have a website or something where I can read what you actually do? Thanks for taking the time to respond btw",0.6424,positive,acknowledging 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_3,8,"For what it's worth, almost everyone struggles to do it every day. Even the most well-intentioned, accomplished people will still figure out a way to talk themselves out of it. So cut yourself some slack if you miss a day. And understand that if you have limited time or if you are feeling particularly resistant, even two minutes is worthwhile and continues the trend of integrity. I actually started with two minutes a day. I think I did two minutes a day for at least a couple of weeks. Then I graduated to 5 minutes and so on. You can find a ton of stuff online about mindfulness meditation and how to do it but I really think the best way to get started on your own is to download an app called Headspace. They have a free series that guides you through your first several days of meditation. It tracks your progress and every day there's a brief video or audio that explains what you're going to be doing. It includes some cute animations that are super helpful in understanding the goals. The concepts can be a little elusive and Headspace does a fantastic job of explaining them. Beyond that, I'd suggest checking out some of the writings by this woman. She is a Buddhist monk that is known for her ability to translate the Eastern teachings in a way that resonates with our Western culture. She's immensely popular and for good reason. When I was very low, her writings spoke deeply to me and were a great comfort. my favorite book of hers is called The Wisdom of No Escape. But even if you just look up some of her quotes online, you might glean some meaning out of them. https://www.lionsroar.com/pema-chodron/ For me, it was helpful to look at mindfulness as a project. A project I couldn't fail at, but a project nonetheless. Projects can be really helpful for depressed people as they distract us from our ruminations. Plus, they have goals baked in. In study after study, it's found that the chemicals released in the brain when we accomplish a goal strengthen our sense of worth and accomplishment, and by extension can help pull us out of a dark place. This particular project of mindfulness gave me a daily, workable goal where no one else was relying on me and the stakes were low. But I took it seriously because I understand that neuroplasticity is a real thing and if I stuck to it, it could really pay off. It did. I wish you all the luck in the world, friend. The subject is close to my heart so you have an open invitation to PM me if you have any questions or need any support. ",0.9982,positive,faithful 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,9,"Its tough, I live in a dorm so the only times Im not faking happiness is in the bathroom and late at night when Im in bed. I wish I had more times I could just say fuck it and do a bunch of things that I want but Im limited bc of that",-0.4847,negative,lonely 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_2,10,"I mean to the extreme tricking your mind, I made my mind believe I was truly happy for a few years and I seemed so to most people and most wouldn't doubt I was happy. I made it seem to myself that everything I did I was content with no matter what it was, but after my breaking point I had some awful side-effects so I wouldn't even recommend doing it, the best way to cope with it is to find people you can talk to it about and I don't like psychologists although it'd be also good, but for me friends just to keep me afloat are fine.",0.9346,positive,content 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,11,"I dont think I can do that. I dont try to trick my mind, its subconscious. Unless Im overthinking it and no mindtricking hapoens",-0.2621,negative,confident 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,listener_2,12,"Trust me everything's possible as long as you work on it enough, when I look at that time now I don't know how I was happy, because I seem miserable to what I usually stand for and believe, I just know the way I think and how I can get myself to a certain point, as long as you're desperate for something you can do it, depending what it is ofc but considering your thoughts and so on.",0.3182,positive,hopeful 1449,depressed,This probably sounds stupid but I feel like I trick my mind into thinking things that arent true,speaker,13,i checked your profile and im not entirely sure if this is a troll account but im not religious and thats not going to change,-0.1505,negative,neutral 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,1,"Death is the one thing I haven't thought out all of the negatives for. The only thing in my life right now that I can fantasize without a real negative or at least one not big enough to deter away the thought. Why? Because all the negatives in NO WAY come even close to outweighing the positive. The big positive being an easy way out, a end to the suffering, me no longer being here, me gaining my peace of mind back.",0.8055,positive,hopeful 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",listener_1,2,"Thoughts of self-harm are one thing, but planning it is hopefully averted by commitment to a treatment plan.",0.7579,positive,consoling 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,3,And that being? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",listener_1,4,"Usually medication/therapy...add in improved diet, cardio, hobbies, healthy social interactions. Even then of course, depressive symptoms degrade experiences; still, may as well do what we can.",0.34,positive,consoling 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,5,"Funny you mention that because I have tried and I am still doing all of the above and you know what hasn't changed, ding ding ding, you guessed it: depression ",-0.2023,negative,annoyed 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",listener_2,6,"Yeah, even after therapy, I'm still depressed as hell.",-0.7717,negative,agreeing 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",listener_1,7,"I try to put on a good face myself but I seem to be doing the slow, agonizing suicide thing while still leaving some room for a possible future. ",-0.9072,negative,ashamed 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,8,Relatable ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,9,I'm not sure but as of now I feel like anything would be better then this,0.7663,positive,apprehensive 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",listener_3,10,"True. What about your interests? Do you like doing things? And In other words, you would rather choose death than to live?",0.4479,positive,questioning 1450,depressed,"Death, instant gratification?",speaker,11,"Kids make me happy, but other then that no I'd rather not be here",-0.1154,negative,content 1451,depressed,She told me to trust her.,speaker,1,"Regular reader but first time poster. This is just a vent. Girl I was talking to brought up she wasn’t ready for a relationship for no reason. I kinda knew it was coming because she had been acting weird a few days after a great date we had. It literally feels like things did a 180 a few days after that date. Anyways, I told her to tell me the truth and be brutally honest with me because I didn’t wanna waste my time waiting for her just for her to go to another guy/her ex. She tells me she doesn’t talk to her ex and that she thinks i’m amazing and would love to keep hanging out and talking to me and we’d see what happened because she liked me. She told me she just didn’t wanna waste her time because she didn’t feel comfortable with herself and wanted to get her shit together. She told me to trust her. Skip to 10/27 around 1 am, I check her snap story and it’s of her at a party and the last snap on there is of some guy with the caption “Oh hello thereeeee 🤤”. I proceeded to uncharacteristically have a mental breakdown. Punching myself, slamming my head on the floor, and it climaxed at me trying to hang myself in the closet with a belt. I’ve been burned so much in the past by girls and i’m just so tired of it. I really liked her. My heart hurts.",0.9813,positive,trusting 1451,depressed,She told me to trust her.,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling... there's so many different suggestions I could make, but I think the most important thing to do is to focus on yourself. Don't get hung up or overly attached to someone who truly isn't into you. If they're not interested in what your looking for, keep looking. If something like this has happened in the past, recognize the probability of it happening again, plan & act accordingly. Feelings are not always mutual, and there's no point in hitting your head and losing brain cells over someone who is enjoying her single dating life... ",0.7581,positive,agreeing 1451,depressed,She told me to trust her.,speaker,3,"Thanks, I really appreciate it. I’m just not sure why things changed so fast. We went from planning to go on a lot of “spooky” dates and us being excited to go watch either other soccer games In March to this. This feeling is all too familiar and the worst part is I don’t know why this happens to me. My friends don’t either and my exes never have anything bad to say about me, they just kind of do me dirty for no reason. It’s impossible to tell and i’d explain it more but I don’t wanna type a whole book /:",-0.1523,negative,lonely 1451,depressed,She told me to trust her.,listener_2,4,"To OP u/SpookyDar please don't listen to any of this. salsadoom's reply is complete bullshit. People are not evil. You are not at war with everyone all the time. If you listen to this persons advice you will wind up as bitter and as alone as they seem to be. To u/salsadoom, I recognize your words as a cry for help. I understand. Life has been brutal for many of us. I'm sorry if it has been harder for you than it has for others. It is not fair. It is not okay. And I wish I could do something or say something that would solve your problems, but I'm not good at that stuff. I don't know how make you feel better or make your life better, but I can hear from your words that you do want things to get better. I hope they do get better for you. Maybe you could talk to someone. It seems to help some people. If you love yourself, go talk to someone about these thoughts. I'm sorry life has been this difficult, but you are only going to make someone else's life miserable with your horrible advice.",0.8884,positive,agreeing 1452,depressed,Drinking seems to be the only thing that helps,speaker,1,"It's been a rough week. Last Tuesday my girlfriend of 6 years told me she isn't in love with me anymore. It was a huge shock, everything seemed fine, we didn't really fight or argue. I was blown away. I've struggled with depression for a very long time and it had been getting worse recently. That impacted things more than I realized. Two and a half years ago I attempted suicide. She showed up unexpectedly and found me. It was obviously a super dark time. We got through that and got life back to normal. Or so I thought... She told me she has had a resentment towards me ever since then and it's growing rather than fading. She says maybe if I leave for a while her feelings could change but she doesn't know. I started drinking after she told me that and haven't been sober for long since. I wake up in the morning and throw up from stress. So I have a beer or 2, then I feel slightly more numb. Since that's working I've found I'm staying half tanked all the time. I dont think I should be drinking like this but I'm terrified of the thoughts and feelings sobriety brings with it. I dont want to feel the worthlessness, the inadequacy, the loneliness and pain. I want to embrace being numb since the alternative is no good... ",-0.9862,negative,surprised 1452,depressed,Drinking seems to be the only thing that helps,listener_1,2,"Maintain some room in your thinking about getting sober and doing some therapeutical work. In other words, keep the thought of sobriety in the back of your mind and label it as 'possible'. Even then, just dry out for a while until you can enjoy booze responsibly. ",0.4939,positive,hopeful 1452,depressed,Drinking seems to be the only thing that helps,speaker,3,I didn't drink today. So far. I went to the dr this morning and they're starting me on meds to try and improve things. It could take 2 weeks to feel any benefit so while there may be hope for feeling better it still feels world away. But I'm trying,0.7269,positive,hopeful 1452,depressed,Drinking seems to be the only thing that helps,speaker,4,"I'm terrified of ""drying out"". Mostly because this far drinking has kept my feelings at bay. I totally realize that sooner or later I will have to deal with them but for today I'm not up to that challenge so I run and hide in my alcohol fueled cocoon...",-0.4767,negative,terrified 1452,depressed,Drinking seems to be the only thing that helps,listener_1,5,"I have not been in 12 step work for years, but I never agreed with total abstinence for most folks. Personally, I abstain from alcohol because I became averse to it...I stopped enjoying the buzz...and it aggravates my mental disorders. It takes alot to be a grade A, champion alcoholic like Bill W or Dr. Bob, and once down at that level, submission to a program like AA is necessary IMO. ""Life on life's terms"" is a good motto for anyone.",0.931,positive,faithful 1453,depressed,Ughhhhhh,speaker,1,i hate my life,-0.5719,negative,sad 1453,depressed,Ughhhhhh,listener_1,2,lol same,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 1453,depressed,Ughhhhhh,speaker,3,hey we can hope for the best at least,0.7964,positive,consoling 1454,depressed,Love life,speaker,1,"Okay so I’m a Junior in high school so maybe I’m just being dramatic like everyone says I am. My freshman year I met a girl in November and had very strong feelings for her. Shortly after she began dating someone else for a few months and naturally I began to feel very sad and I struggled with being around them without breaking down. Around the end of the school year she and I began dating. I tried organizing plans for us to meet up but we both have pretty strict parents and weren’t able to see each other over the summer. Sophomore year we had the best time for a couple of weeks then her mom transferred her to a school about an hours drive from where I live. She broke up with me a couple months after and we could be back together when we are able to see each other more regularly. Since then she has shown me less and less affection. Her texts get shorter and responds are slower. On instagram I’ve seen her tightly hugging another guy that she confessed she had previously had a crush on. They’ve been on numerous trips to Las Vegas with their mutual friends and their friends created a couples account for them. She tells me that she still loves me and that she doesn’t want to date the other guy. She also said she doesn’t want to be in a relationship because she needs to love herself first. It has been over a year since she left and has not once visited me, she promised she’d visit before 2018 and didn’t. Then she promised she’d visit over the summer when we have more free time, she didn’t. She has only been in town twice and the first time she visited another friend and the second time went to the beach. She doesn’t want me to visit her because she says I don’t know the area. She doesn’t like when I try to tell her how I’m feeling and told me to at least pretend to be happy. Is she lying about loving me or am I just jealous and crazy?",0.9958,positive,sad 1454,depressed,Love life,listener_1,2,"You need to let her go. Obviously she doesn’t want to be with you, is playing with your emotions, or she just isn’t mature enough to know what she wants. You guys are barely juniors after all. She may just be trying to let you down not so harshly. Move on, and don’t depend on love from anyone else. Let her do her and you do you. It hurts, but stop thinking about the past and what could’ve been or what could be. If she doesn’t want to be around you or talk to you then let it be. Stop trying to force your love on her as that is also what could be pushing her away. She just might not be into you and doesn’t know how you’ll react.",0.6858,positive,sad 1454,depressed,Love life,listener_2,3,"Ditch that Bitch, grab a friend and go out and do something. Plenty of amazing ladies out there, no need to fret over one who doesn't have time for you. She will regret it.",-0.2023,negative,hopeful 1454,depressed,Help,listener_3,1,I think I may be bipolar and I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’t have enough time to go see my therapist or my doctor and it feels like my brain is on fire or having a meltdown. I feel like I’m fighting a war with myself every day. Some days I’m extremely happy and super ecstatic and other days I want to just lie down and die. It feels like I’m losing my mind.,0.6068,positive,sad 1454,depressed,Help,listener_4,2,Where are you from? You may be able to find a helpline that you can talk to for advice. You should defiantly make time to go to the doctors though. It’s the only really way to get the right support and treatment ,0.4019,positive,faithful 1454,depressed,Help,listener_3,3,I’m from West Virginia. I’m trying to find time but with school and work it’s hard to have any time for myself even. Let alone going to see my doctor,-0.4767,negative,lonely 1454,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,Thank you for this. I’ll try to call of work for a day and email my teachers explaining I won’t be able to attend class on that day as well,0.5574,positive,wishing 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,speaker,1,Wish me luck : ),0.6908,positive,wishing 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,listener_1,2,Please don’t. I know I’m just an internet stranger but I assure you it’s not the road to take. I’ve lost so many friends to this. Everyone close to you will wonder what they could have done different or hate themselves for not seeing it. Please don’t. ,-0.2791,negative,questioning 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,speaker,3,"Well I dont have any friends, my family doesn't care about me, so nobody is gonna feel sad/bad because I killed myself",-0.8216,negative,lonely 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,listener_2,4,"What if the people in your life know how much you're struggling, you try years of therapy and drugs but it only gets worse. Is it really my responsibility to live through my suffering so others have peace of mind?",-0.6192,negative,questioning 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,listener_1,5,"I understand that, I really do. Maybe it’d be best to separate yourself from those who see it and do nothing. I wasn’t trying to say suffer to save others feelings even tho that’s how it came out. I was very depressed and borderline suicidal when I was living in the same town I grew up in so I knew I had to do something drastic. Ended up moving out of town about 2 hours away. From there I made some friends at work that actually cared about me succeeding in whatever I did. From there, I moved to Florida.. I sobered up and realized I almost blew my chance at life. Obviously everyone’s situation is different but that’s the route I took. ",0.4256,positive,agreeing 1455,depressed,I'm going to kill myself tommorow,listener_1,6,"All the reason to pack up and go somewhere. It’s worth a shot! I care about your life and I don’t know you. Please reconsider. I will literally give you my phone number if you ever want to talk. Day or night. You deserve to live a full life whether you believe it or not. Tell me something about yourself. A hobby, any sports? Do you like fishing? Where about do you live? If you could live anywhere in the world and do anything for a career, where would it be and what would you be? Talk to me. ",0.8946,positive,questioning 1456,depressed,"My life is not so good, you feel?",speaker,1,I work 6 days a week at an awful mall job where all the customers and even a manager treat me poorly. But I still can’t make enough money. I can’t afford to usually even eat on my breaks and my family gets food from the food bank. My S.O. And I fight constantly. I’m consistently depressed even if I don’t show it. What is wrong with me.,-0.9209,negative,sad 1456,depressed,"My life is not so good, you feel?",listener_1,2,Came across your post and feel compelled to reply. I get it. You are not alone and each day starts new. Sending you positive vibes.,0.6747,positive,caring 1456,depressed,"My life is not so good, you feel?",speaker,3,Thank you so much. It’s the little things.,0.3612,positive,grateful 1457,depressed,",,,",speaker,1,"I constantly grasp for approval from my peers. Sometimes that means apologizing to an extreme to where it breaks me. I will apologize just to keep the people that I love (even though they probably don’t care about me) in my life. Even if I know someone is using me, I stand up for them. I’m scared. I’m scared of being lonely. I’m beginning to become lonely. It’s overwhelming. ",0.2023,positive,faithful 1457,depressed,",,,",listener_1,2,"I don't exactly know how to word this, but if you can desire for your friends affection, you can also learn how to desire your own affection? To see your own worth, and gain friends that see that too. Probably really bad at giving advice, but I hope you will see how you are more than just someone who apologises because the fear of losing others! You will find people who deserve you and understand you, when you are willing to find them...? Stay strong, and sorry if this is not constructive support. :) ",0.9813,positive,trusting 1457,depressed,",,,",speaker,3,Thank you so much! :) Thats very helpful. ,0.8467,positive,acknowledging 1458,depressed,(39F) Never going to have my own family?,speaker,1,"Sorry, it's a long one. I'm so down today. It's Halloween, I love Halloween, but I'm home alone watching survivor. I've been through a lot.. 3 years ago I got out of an abusive relationship. When he was beating me he was saying things like, you're worthless, you'll die alone. Perhaps he cursed me with those words. Within 6 months he had a girl pregnant. They're married w two kids now. Last Christmas I reconnected with an old friend and fell madly in love. He was living in another country and just out of a brief marriage so I was very wary. But I'd know him so long and considered him one of my best friends. It felt so right and so perfect. After the holidays he went back to Asia. Then my grandmother died, she raised me, this was devastating. In the spring he flew me across the world to visit. All the while taking about moving back to the States and starting a life with me. I was so happy, in love with my best friend, he was so amazing, I could go on and on about all the things he said and did that had me completely snowed. On the trip he gifted me a painting he had commissioned of me and my grandmother. The whole trip was like a fairytale come true. I was only sad that my grandmother wasn't there to see how great things were, she'd always liked him. As soon as I got home, he was acting weird. To make a long story short, he tells me he needs space and two weeks later he's on fb, back in the States with another girl, visiting both their families. It was my birthday and on that day I also found a lump in my breast. I'm fine now, just a few cysts, but at the time it was a living nightmare. My mother had breast cancer, so I'm high risk. I've tried dating since then, I'm smart, attractive, fun and don't really have a problem getting dates. But no one wants to stick around. Had one brief relationship, but we just didn't get each other. I can't help thinking, what's wrong with me? What did I do so wrong on that trip, that I thought was so great that he decided he didn't love me anymore. He says he just had a change of heart. But after knowing someone so long, how do you THINK you're in love and then all of a sudden you're not? It's not like we're strangers or kids, we're both almost 40. It's 6 months later and he's moved back to the States, to both our old home state, just a few hours from where I live now. She moved back with him. I can only think he must have been seeing her the whole time, lying to me the whole time. I was so completely betrayed, it feels worse than when the other guy beat me. It's like she stole the life I would have had, but he's a sociopath, so I'm lucky right? Just do the same to her, he's barely been divorced a whole year. I know I need to move on, but it feels so pointless. I thought I was going to get married and start a family with this man, had never been happier in my life. It was all fake, how can I ever trust anyone again if this person with over a decade of friendship will do that to me? It's too late for me, I'll be too old to have kids soon. I'm already a high risk geriatric age for that. Home alone, on one of my favorite holidays, with no prospects & even if I did, no wants the depressed girl, no matter how hot I am. That the brief relationship guy kept saying when he was breaking up with me, ""you're really attractive, but..."" It's like they're all so attracted to me but quickly grow tired. I'm not that bad! I think I'm pretty great, not in a conceated way. I just need to accept I'll never have my own family. I'll never be loved and will die alone. I'm cursed. TL:DR Heartbroken and almost 40, wants a family but feels unlovable after multiple failed relationships. ",0.985,positive,sad 1458,depressed,(39F) Never going to have my own family?,listener_1,2,This might not help but.. Adoption is always an option! Start a family with yourself. You don't need no man! Or get a sperm donor. Keep your chin up. I know you'll find love eventually <3,0.8437,positive,suggesting 1458,depressed,(39F) Never going to have my own family?,listener_2,3,"Nah current plan is have a fulfilling life with lots of work, wait till parents die naturally, kill myself. To me it doesn't matter if I get old by that time. I'll just have to endure",-0.8771,negative,content 1459,depressed,Nothing goes right,speaker,1," Hi I'm a stranger, but most of the people who know me just know me as a fuck up. It seems I can't do anything right, I'm always the odd man out in my family, at hone, and at work. Hell speaking of work I'm the youngest guy there and everyone who's having a bad day takes it out in me. And honestly I don't know what to do anymore. Everything gets worse and then settles and the gets worse again. I come home, 21 still living with my grandparents cause I'm too afraid I'll lose my job to move out, and have to deal with the every day stuff such as having no money, deaths or family problems, and the outcasting I get from majority if my family. Then I wake up and go to a job where most people are either selfish/asshole/stab you in the back/or just belittle you for everything. None of them let you get ahead and if you mess it up they don't let you live it down. My friends it side if work are all kinda shitty in the own ways. Some are unreliable, pathological liers. Or they just refuse to work and would rather sit around. My love life is basically non-existent. No one takes the time to try I guess. I look but most of the time wind up outmatched by someone else. I'm just tired I guess, there's much more to it but Its late in Halloween. I get to go back to work and get yelled at for something I might have forgotten. I guess this is more of a vent paragraph, I don't know... ",-0.9934,negative,lonely 1459,depressed,Nothing goes right,listener_1,2,"I am known as incompetent and have been called a ""fuck-up"" by a manager. Most people seem to suffer at work, but if they get along with others, then they ease the emotional cost. I think we are built to seek social harmony: social misfits have to make their own way and make connections if they can. Keep your mind open though because you might find a future. ",0.6597,positive,hopeful 1459,depressed,Nothing goes right,speaker,3,"Maybe, most of my coworkers are older and have far different likes and dislikes than me. It makes it hard sometimes to connect but I have a few I do connect with. ",-0.0387,neutral,jealous 1460,depressed,Just need to write it,speaker,1,Was ran over by a car few months back. Been stuck in a wheelchair ever since.. when getting ran over I instinctively through my hands down and my nails got grated (they were fairly long and very pretty) Today someone told me how disgusting my nails were because they’re not very clean and growing yellow in some spots. 3 nails on each hand won’t grow at all. Seems small but everything is very hard to do and it’s frustrating. My nails are gross looking but they are clean. The few spots of “dirt” in the nail is from my using my wheel chair. People are shitty. ,-0.9,negative,disgusted 1460,depressed,Just need to write it,listener_1,2,"I’m so sorry. That person is an ass, just ignore them. Will you have to remain in the wheelchair, or is it temporary? Maybe get a pair of gloves to wear to protect your hands while pushing the wheels. ",-0.6115,negative,sympathizing 1460,depressed,Just need to write it,speaker,3,And I was using gloves for awhile but I live in a tropical climate. My hands were constantly sweaty and filling the gloves up. ,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1460,depressed,Just need to write it,speaker,4,I know they are and I can’t believe I let stuff like that get in my head. It’s supposed to be temporary. My legs got mangled badly and are taking longer than I expected. They told me it would be 6 months to a year minimum for the basic recovery and even longer to get to where I was.. even then it won’t be the same as before. I used to be a gym rat. I lost all my leg muscle and definition. As superficial as it seems that was years of hard work..gone in seconds due to someone driving like an idiot. He forgot to do the easiest thing as a driver..look both ways. Meh.,-0.3818,negative,angry 1460,depressed,Just need to write it,listener_1,5,"First, I’m glad there is a chance of recovery. Lots of hard work ahead of you, but it sounds like you are up to it. All that work you did at the gym before, focused now on getting your legs back. And that isn’t superficial, but a lot of hard work. Proves that you can do this. Second, looking both ways. That is infuriating. ",0.4118,positive,angry 1461,depressed,Long Gone,speaker,1,"My life is one big story and I do not expect anyone to read the entire thing. But I really need to vent, I feel lost, worthless, numb yet I want to cry and to close my eyes and never open them again. I’m not going to give a full story but rather clips of what I have been through. My entire life my mother and step father (I never knew my real father, nor his name or what he looked like until I was 17) were drinkers and smoker and never put me or my older brother first. My younger brother was another story, he was always put first. There little angel, Perfection at its finest if you will. My mother likes to say she always put us first and did everything for us but I know that’s the biggest lie in the world. Her husband (I don’t feel comfortable saying step father as he was never a fucking father) would beat me, and I’m sure has beaten my little brother. He even beat my mother but she would always stand up for him, one time even saying in her own words that “I [my mother] deserved it” and said the same thing when he threw my onto the ground hard, and told me, her 12 year old (maybe) son that he deserved to be thrown on the floor by his 40 something year old step father (they were both drunk off there asses of course). I’m sorry if it gets confusing at any point I’m just venting not trying to make a clear image for you (no offense) There is plenty more story’s of when they were drunk like when they would party naked and show each other there dicks and boobs but that’s for another time (yes in front of there children while they were drunk) (and yes they would even give us alcohol at some points in time). Anyway... Past my home life let’s get to school where my life was also hell, whether it be being bullied about my hair or clothing items or even being stabbed in the back with freshly sharpened pencils, oh and let’s not forget being shot at with finger pistols in school behind the teachers back, and also don’t fucking forget when I told on them and they got a slap on the wrist and I looked like an idiot in front of the entire class!!!!!! Uggh! Oh and in elementary when we played kick ball on the basket ball court and then my bully was next and I had to run from the ball (weird version of the game we played in elementary) and he kicked it so hard (on purpose, he hated me for some reason) and it hit me so hard that my them tiny little body went flying across the court and landed on the pavement and somehow I’m the process spraining my wrist. In middle school I was bullied for my hair being pink (I dyed it red and it faded pink) so everyone made fun of me, and so I went home and shaved my head which I went to school the next day and everyone made fun of me even worse then before. I was always told to just kill myself which yes. I tried, once. But nobody knows about it to this day. Why? Because my family believes that if I ever do or say anything like that it’d be crying for attention, so I never talk about my depression or when I’m suicidal. Anyway, let’s go to high school and talk about when (let’s call him Zian) touched me in my private area, groping, gliding and rubbing, and then even trying to unbutton them and sticking his hand down them. I told him to stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Like just fucking stop!!!! I told him I was so uncomfortable but he didn’t care, there were so many people next to us (in desk right next to us) but he would listen, people looked and did fucking nothing! I never ever told anyone, even after it happened again, that same year in another class but I pushed him away basically and he never went near me again nor did that to me agin. And like I said I never told anyone until one day I decided to (thanks to a friend giving me motivation. I love you Alexis) and I told. Worst mistake of my life, the counselor made me tell her everything which was already hard enough, then I had to write it on paper, tell my mother, tell the police, tell the other counselor, over and over and over... The entire office knew, especially after that guy in the office was telling everyone (very loudly, so embarrassing and it broke my heart) me and my mom were fighting at the time because she finally divorced her husband (I’m the process, she had filed and everything) and she had a restraining order so he couldn’t be near me or her, but she went behind my back and (after I told her not to) and took them off so he can come near me all he wants, and then texted me that same day that he was in fact coming back to live with her the following week, so there I was broken, lost, assaulted, hurt, confused, and all she cared about was her love for him, her drugs and her own life and not her children. And I always texted my grandma everything and she always helped me through anything and was there for me my whole life, and I screen shot the text about my mom bringing her husband back and I accidentally sent it back to my mom and she knew due to previous experience I was trying to send it to my grandma and so my mom flipped out on me and basically told me to fuck off that I didn’t mean shit to her anymore. And so that day I got kicked out and had to move in with my grandma which I hate being a burden on her and my grandpa, I wish I would have just died that day. And another day before all of this me and my mom were at my dr appt, for something very important for me, and she got mad that we would have to wait an extra 15 minutes for my shots I really needed that I was late on getting, so she caused a scene telling the dr we had to leave that she had things to do, so we left after a big commotion which was highly embarrassing, and we left. So while I’m the car she had an attitude which was very annoyingly rude of her, seeing as how I never rushed her dr appts, anyway, I asked her what she had to do and she said basically nothing she just was tired of waiting which made me very mad. She got mad and went off on me and said her life will be a living hell until I leave too (she just kicked out her husband and started the divorce process but like I said before she brought him back anyway) and so she took me home told me to get my shit so I got some clothes and she dropped me off at my grandmas door step without ever saying a word to me.... there is more to the story but I’m so lost and confused with my own writing at this point. I’m just sorry I was ever born, I am extremely depressed and nobody cares and I’m getting suicidal.",-0.9991,negative,sad 1461,depressed,Long Gone,listener_1,2,> ...and I'm getting suicidal. Do you think you are a danger to yourself or you are having thoughts of self-harm?,-0.836,negative,questioning 1461,depressed,Long Gone,speaker,3,"It’s funny how that works, those who hurt the most try the hardest to make others smile. I have gone to my grandmas but my brother is brain washed and stayed behind. I’m trying to move on but it’s hard. My mother will die one day, even though it feels as if she already has. I feel like I’m grieving. I’m so lost, hurt and I’m scared this situation is ruining me and my grandmothers relationship.",-0.9733,negative,sad 1461,depressed,Long Gone,listener_2,4,"Why is that? Don't let this happen, stay with one rule over all the other: YOU are the ruler of your life. Don't let other interfer, don't just watch other people ruin your life defend yourself, defend your relationship with your grandma be there for her let her be there for you. Accept given help and help other, be the man YOU want to be. Remember: YOU are the ruler of your life. I mean I know you don't have to listen some random german across the world trying to help you but make this clear to yourself FOR yourself: YOU are the ruler of your life YOU are the one responsible for your actions not anybody else. Bro be the man you want to be, don't let others tell you what you have to be what you have to look like or what you have to do thats bullshit in germany we say ""Sei dein eigener Herr"" ""be your own master"" do this and trust me on this one: it might not help you with your life but it will help you be more comfortable with yourself. And as I said don't let other ruin your life. ",0.974,positive,faithful 1461,depressed,Long Gone,speaker,5,"I am taking control, I have an A in Economics, A in Financial Math, A in English and a C in Psychology AP. I’m also already planning on going to community college and getting a certificate for a good job, and I’m going to learn German. (My granny was from Germany and I really want to learn German. And yes I am German) I’m trying to change my life and not fall apart but it is hard and some days I feel like I have no one left. I’m alone in this world. I don’t trust telling people in real life of my problems because you can’t trust anyone you know? Thank you for being there tho, it’s cool of you.",0.9185,positive,confident 1461,depressed,Long Gone,listener_2,6,"Talking is always easy and that is just what i did, actually be there for someone or caring about someone... I wont consider myself beeing that much of a kind person. ",0.8591,positive,neutral 1462,depressed,Caught Drunk at Work,speaker,1,"I just got caught drunk at work, my boss smelled the alcohol on me and instead of getting mad, he asked if I was okay. He told me to take the day and go home and not to drink more. Why was he nice, I was DRUNK AT WORK, wtf. I don't deserve this kindness from others. He's gonna meet with me tomorrow and we're gonna talk about how to make things better. I don't want this to be my life. I don't wanna keep going through this. I just wanna be happy. ",0.2605,positive,furious 1462,depressed,Caught Drunk at Work,listener_1,2,"Most bosses would have fired you on the spot. He is concerned for you, which sounds like a good thing. If he offers any help or sends you somewhere for help, take it. Best to you. ",0.8859999999999999,positive,wishing 1462,depressed,Caught Drunk at Work,speaker,3,"Agreed, some detail fyi, I'm 19 working at my college",0.4404,positive,agreeing 1462,depressed,Caught Drunk at Work,listener_2,4,If it helps I miserable as hell right now as well. I know misery loves company. Anytime you wanna chat about your problem/ my problems pm bro. Good luck. ,-0.5574,negative,wishing 1462,depressed,Caught Drunk at Work,listener_3,5,Please rephrase.,0.3182,positive,questioning 1463,depressed,Emotional abuse?,speaker,1,How would I know if I was emotionally abused as a child?,-0.5106,negative,terrified 1463,depressed,Emotional abuse?,listener_1,2,Do you have resentments towards anyone from your childhood but really don't know why? Or maybe you are tense around someone that you normally get along with.,-0.6187,negative,apprehensive 1463,depressed,Emotional abuse?,speaker,3,Well my parents kind of. I think I have an idea of why but idk. There were issues of alcoholism up until I was about 16. Plus they tried to get me to take sides in their fights.,-0.34,negative,annoyed 1463,depressed,Emotional abuse?,listener_1,4,How do they treat you now?,0.4019,positive,questioning 1464,depressed,No Longer See The Point,speaker,1,"This is gonna be a long read, so theres your warning. I'm not even entirely sure I should be posting here. I think *she* does. Who is she? She was my wife. We were married less than three months before she told me she wanted a divorce. Gave me the usual BS about how it's not me, it's her, and that she wants to stay friends, blab blab blah. We were together for about three years before that. Came completely out of the blue, and I no longer see the point in much of anything. I've always struggled with depression. I made peace a long time ago that I'm just a depressive person. She was so important to me for that, helping me see the light through the darkness. She was always so happy, so upbeat and pure. When we met, I was in a very bad place emotionally. The mother of my kids had ditched me, got pregnant with another dude, and kicked me to the curb. I was a stay at home dad, trying my best to care for the kids because I couldn't find work. I had to move back home (2000 miles), and she used that as a way to terminate my parental rights, citing ""abandonment."" I was in a very bad way then. I moved back in with my father, mostly to heal and for him to keep watch over me. I was very lost, near suicidal. I was a young father, robbed of his life and kids. I was so hurt, so untrustworthy, certain that I would be alone. Who would want to deal with a young father whose kids were taken away, regardless of the situation? I got my old job back, and that's when I met my wife. She and grew close, quickly. She started coming around more and more, and eventually my dad and I realized that she was kind of living with us, and never asked. We thought that was funny. He didnt mind, he could tell how much she was helping me. I wasnt as depressed anymore. I had renewed vigor...until our jobs disappeared. The place we worked closed down, and we had to find new work. I couldn't find anything. I couldn't even get a job waiting tables. She did, but she also wanted to move back to where she was from. I understood. I didnt want her to leave, but I knew staying in my home town was a slow death sentence, and she was being harassed at her job too. So she decided it was time for her to leave. We talked, and I remember saying how pathetic it sounded, but that all I needed was just one solid chance to get my life in order, that I was so tired of being kicked when I was down, further and further down each time. She offered to have me move with her. She also knew there was no future, no careers where I was from. I was terrified at the prospect of leaving for a girl again. I talked it over with my dad, not wanting to fall into the same trap I fell into with The Mother. Dad said he thought it was a good idea to move. She (my wife) seemed different, and she was the best thing that happened to me in nearly a decade. I was so stressed and worried that I got sick, tooth infection. I tried to cowboy through it, but I started passing out front the pain. A day or two before we moved, she dragged me to a hospital and I got treated for my horrible teeth. We moved soon after that. Moving multiple states is always stressful. But we did it, because she can do anything. We got some lame jobs when we got settled, and that quickly gave way for us to get better jobs, where she used to work before she moved to my home town. Well paid, fantastic environment, and we were both superstars at work, looked up to by our peers and supervisors alike. Things were good for a while. We got a bigger apartment. We got cats. She helped me get my dream car. Not any old clunker, but my dream car. We were stable. Things were happy. I was happy. I was always a little guarded though. With The Mother, things went downhill quickly. With two weeks, a semi-stable relationship was reduced to near suicidal tendencies on my end, and she was already seeing someone else. ""Things were good, up until the exact moment they weren't anymore."" I used to say. And it was true. And it messed with me fiercely. My wife, who wasnt my wife yet, and I would talk about marriage occasionally. I was never one for it. I didnt marry The Mother, and I hold little value for the laws of any gods or man. Marriage seemed to me...well pointless. And I could tell that hurt her. And I hated myself for that. So I worked on my issues. I didnt want her to feel trapped in a dead end relationship. Around Christmas last year, her car died, and we needed to get her a new one. Car shopping is always stressful, so I decided that was a good day to pop the question. We had discussed it more seriously, but I never thought the act of kneeling and asking her hand in marriage would ever actually happen. It was snowy that night. She had a new car. We got Chinese food. She said yes... ...then things went downhill quickly around us. We were fine...or so I thought. Our stellar jobs (we worked together) began to implement a lot of really terrible policies. We were both told that raising questions and standing up for mistreated employees was not our place. Work began to implement terrible and abusive policies. It was a struggle for them to even give us time off for our wedding. We were weeks out, without confirmation that they would actually give us the time we requested *for our wedding* months in advance. We left that job, and got new jobs quickly after the marriage. That was mid-July. In late Sept, she said she wanted to talk to me (always a good sign), and that she wanted a divorce. She didnt want to see a councilor. She didnt want to work on anything, she said she just ""wanted to be alone"" for a while, she wanted to stay friends, and that she wasnt leaving me for someone else. I dont have a large social circle. In fact it's almost nonexistent. She's my best friend. She's my wife, my life companion. I wanted to believe her, I really did. I tried to give her space and time. I tried to talk to her, to figure out what this was all about. She said that she had doubts since a month before the wedding, never said anything, and it wasnt until two months in she was sure this is what she wanted. She deliberately kept me in the dark for months. She used my insecurities and paranoia against me. She did the very thing I was always so scared of. But I was willing to endure that pain, falsely believing that she would straighten herself out, and things would go back to normal, and we would be happy. Together... ...then I was alerted to her Tinder profile. Seems that she wasnt leaving me for someone else, so much as she was leaving me for *anyone* else. I sent her the screenshot of her Tinder, I didnt say anything. There was nothing to say. It shows that everything she told me was lies. All lies. She blocked me a few days after that. We still work at the same place, but we dont see each other anymore. I've been in a rut ever since I moved out last month. She said she is happier without me. And I dont know what makes people change so quickly. I've had this happen twice now. It seems like everything I touch, I break. Work went down the toilet, and my wife wont talk to me at all. I have no energy to do anything. This eats at my mind constantly. I cant distract myself. I cant throw myself into work...shes there. I cant go to my apartment, its half as big as out old place, same layout as our first place, and it's only half full of stuff, most of it from her. Movies, video games, music...it all drowns out now. I cant sleep, staring up at my ceiling with no white noise from life. No cats. And she isnt there. And it's not home without her. I do not know why this keeps happening. She said I'm not toxic, but she treats me like a damn tumor, a cancerous growth to be cut out of life entirely...and I dont know why. I dont drink. I dont do hard drugs. I'm not abusive. I dont sleep around...I worshipped her. My life revolved around her. She gave me so much, helped heal me so much from so much previous damage. I did everything I could to give back. Nothing really feels real anymore, like i keep expecting to wake up, in our bed, next to her. That or I expect the lights to fall from the sky, and its revealed my life is some kind of Truman Show-esque drama. I'm numb to everything now. I still weep like a child most days...while she is happier without me. I didnt do anything to deserve this...I'm so sad. All the time. I feel weighted down, like I've got an elephant on my chest. I dont see the point to anything anymore. Life isnt worth it without someone to experience it with...and she left less than 90 days of marriage. I thought all the stress from old work and the wedding was a factor but it wasnt. Why add more stress if stress is what caused it all? I just cant accept that she fell out of love a month before the wedding, kept that to herself, lied to me about it, and cut me out of her life entirely (through jo fault of mine according to her), after she moved me 800 miles, got me a car and helped me get work, and heal my emotional and physical wounds. I dont know what I did to push her so far away so quickly, why i deserve to have my life reset on me so many times, to have rig constantly pulled from underneath me. I'm so tired, and all I want to do is wake up. I want her to come home...but what could she say, what could she do to fix this? I'm sure she could, shes lucky, shes wonderful, and she can do anything she wants. She just...*doesnt want to*. And it hurts me so much. This is literally what I was so scared of, for years, and she knows it. So why bother? Why keep trying, why keep going on if it's only a matter of time before I ruin something else? ",-0.9988,negative,embarrassed 1464,depressed,No Longer See The Point,speaker,2,"She used to leave these little notes, doodles, drawings, and poems. I've got moving box half full of dozens of these things, promises she wouldn't do this. And I dont know what to do with myself anymore.",0.34,positive,sentimental 1464,depressed,No Longer See The Point,listener_1,3,"All I can think to respond with is the overused shitty phrase “things will get better over time”. Endulge in something, anything to help, maybe even find something that annoys you so much that you just want to surpass that thing. Helps me from giving in to my (NOT seasonal) depression.",0.7578,positive,suggesting 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,speaker,1,"They never stay, no one actually cares it seems. Some people seem to have it all, friends, money and girls. I just want companionship and love...",0.9098,positive,jealous 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_1,2,"Let me ask, would you want to be friends with you? From just a couple lines, you sound very needy and see friends as owing you their time regardless of what you bring to the table. Friendship is mutual. If you want friends that will be there for you, you need to be doing stuff for them in return. By the wording of your post, you sound like a friendship vampire that wants to feed on others, and don't get why they aren't interested.",0.9224,positive,disappointed 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,speaker,3,"Yes every time I've had a friend I've always given back to them, done favours for them. But still it wasn't enough, even though I have demons I'm dealing with I hide it all when I'm with them, I put an act on and give them all my attention and time. Should I try a different approach, sorry if I did sound needy, just been in isolation for a while now and all I desire is friends and a girl and I would be so good to them. Before I got all the mental health problems (at school), I had two trustworthy friends but they had to move at an early age elsewhere and ever since then life's been on a downhill slope.",0.9434,positive,faithful 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_2,4,"You may find it advantageous to be more authentic when you befriend people. You will probably find it tougher to make friends, but you may end up with better quality friends. If you hide your sad side, they're becoming friends with an illusion - they're not becoming friends with you. Then, when you need them and reach out for help, it's no surprise that they wouldn't be there for you because they had no idea what they were in for. I'm sure there are plenty of people who don't really care, but I think there are just as many who DO care and are just not well equipped to offer help for one reason or another. This is no easy thing, but I think you might need to seek friends who are well-equipped to handle your authentic self. And the only way you're going to accomplish that is by showing them who you are sooner rather than later.",0.9517,positive,embarrassed 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_1,5," >Should I try a different approach, sorry if I did sound needy, just been in isolation for a while now and all I desire is friends and a girl and I would be so good to them. This sounds way too much like /r/niceguys material. I think you need to take a step back and really evaluate if you would like yourself. Like if a person totally identical to you tried to befriend you, would it work out? For instance, would you even ever talk, or do you always put the burden on the other person to start convos or invite you to things? Think of things like that. Reasons you wouldn't want to hang out with yourself and focus on fixing those. ",0.8996,positive,apprehensive 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_3,6,"I think maybe you need to take a step back. This was a very small posy and, to me at least, I didn't really give off a friendship vampire vibe. Just someone who's had it rough for a while and wants companionship, it sounds like you don't actually know what depression is, it isn't as easy as just looking at yourself and just fixing it, it takes a lot of willpower, courage and very good friends and family to get through it which is what it sounds like this person wants. ",0.8901,positive,apprehensive 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_1,7,"I totally understand that's what depression is. Thing is, people don't want to befriend people that are already depressed. He needs friends to help his depression, but he can't make friends because he's depressed. He needs to get his depression under control *first*, then people will want to be friends with him. There's no workaround on this one. It sucks, and it's harsh, but that's life. He wanted to know how to make friends, the answer is to turn himself into the kind of person people want to be friends with. (i.e. not be depressed) And based on his post history, he is miserable in his life. I doubt he's hiding it as well as he thinks he is. People can sense that, and why would you want to add that kind of stress to your life for someone you aren't *already* friends with?",-0.9739,negative,agreeing 1465,depressed,How do you get trustworthy people in your life who won't always leave you with depression,listener_2,8,"> He needs to get his depression under control first, then people will want to be friends with him. There's no workaround on this one That's crazy talk. I had a number of very close friends when I was depressed, and I have been friends with a number of depressed people. This may have been your experience, but that does not mean it's ""how life works"" for everyone. Human connection is absolutely critical to finding one's way out of depression to begin with. To say one needs to somehow solve their depression before they can have friends is absolutely absurd.",-0.8847,negative,trusting 1466,depressed,Heartbroken...again,speaker,1,"Okay so this will be a continuation of my last post. Basically I (junior in high school) found out that the girl I’m in love with actually was dating someone else. I confronted her and she said that she was just trying to fill in the void in her life from losing me and she still loves me. I decided to give her another chance but now she’s saying again that she’s not ready for a relationship. She feels like the other guy got into her head and that’s why she agreed to date him. They’ve been dating since May. They’ve kissed quite a lot as I’ve seen after I followed their couples account using a fake Instagram account (yeah I know that’s kinda invasive but I needed to know). Ever since she left me and told me that we’d be together again someday the only thing that has gotten me through everything is the image of her finally being ready and she’d still love me and we’d be each other’s first kiss(I’ve never kissed anyone) and it would be stupid and awkward and we’d laugh. I feel like that dream has been tarnished. I know we weren’t dating, but she said she loved me and when I saw she was dating him I felt broken and destroyed and betrayed. One way or another I am giving her another chance. I know it seems foolish, but I am in love with her and I can’t stand the thought of being without her. Am I doing the right thing? ",0.9581,positive,angry 1466,depressed,Heartbroken...again,listener_1,2,"No, I really don't think you are. What you're describing is infatuation, not love. It's often mistaken for love, especially by the young. It can be very strong but it harms your ability to see clearly and objectively. She's demonstrated a lack of interest many times. I know you want this to work out but it's not reasonable to pursue this any further.",0.6871,positive,agreeing 1466,depressed,Heartbroken...again,listener_2,3,"Could be a little nicer, some people are naturally meek.",0.3832,positive,acknowledging 1467,depressed,Lost my job..no friends..no money,speaker,1,"On Tuesday, I was let go from my company. The first few days were fine.. I spent time cleaning, organizing, journaling, applying to jobs, relaxing.. now today, it has hit me. My funds are down to $12 and that is checking and savings total. I can’t even afford to put gas in my car anymore, I’m running out of food, my family can’t help me and I’m starting to go into a depressive episode. I haven’t been depressed in over year. I have been off medication and doing fine with regular exercise.. now I see it happening. I have only been able to get 2-3 hours of sleep, anxiety has been overwhelming.. I just don’t know what to do. I’m feeling like I’m at my wits end. I’m afraid of getting so depressed I can’t pull myself out of it.",-0.0878,negative,devastated 1467,depressed,Lost my job..no friends..no money,listener_1,2,Do you have more money coming in or you got the last paycheck?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1467,depressed,Lost my job..no friends..no money,listener_1,3,"On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your survival instincts and your ability to work through adversity?",-0.128,negative,questioning 1467,depressed,Lost my job..no friends..no money,listener_2,4,this is useless rambling. And no religious or psychic nonsense on this subreddit. ,-0.7717,negative,agreeing 1468,depressed,I got black out drunk last night.,speaker,1,"Went out with coworkers, did not acknowledge my limit, and was blacked out most of the night. I got kicked out of a pub (mistook a window on the second floor as a door, apparently almost tried to leave that way), lost my jacket which had my keys in it, and somehow, some fucking how, lost my glasses. My legs are bruised to shit, my left hand is cut up, I've a bruise on my forehead, and my pants are torn. I only remember dancing (badly), and after leaving pub, I remember crying, calling out for my husband, grabbing at least one doorknob and asking to be let in, while wandering around town, in the dark, practically blind, between 11-1. I have no idea how the fuck I got home. My husband was worried sick, my mother was, my inlaws were, and my fucking cousin, who only knew what was going on thru talking to my mom on Facebook, called the cops crying, to file a missing person's report. (Thankfully I was home in time for her to be able to call it off). I regularly get drunk to hide from my marriage problems, because no amount of talking to him does anything. Its a waiting game for him to slowly change and mature and I'm so tired. It's become a habit. Hubby has dealt with serious black out drunk me 4 times now, and this was the worst. It was his birthday yesterday. I was supposed to meet him after the outing. I ditched him to keep drinking with friends, because I have only one person who really hangs out with me, and I wanted to feel fucking normal for once. I am a fucking horrible person, and I just keep sinking lower mentally. My memory is terrible. I have a hard time speaking sentences. Everything about me is deteriorating. I stabbed myself last year. I hit myself on the head or legs when I'm angry or deeply upset. I don't even think about it, I just end up doing it. I've hit a new low, and I don't want to drink for a good long time, but I'm afraid that I'm never going to get better. I feel too long gone. Whether I drink again or not, I feel too broken to function. I'm not necessarily suicidal, but I feel like I'm one emotional/mental snap from being there. Thanks for taking the time to listen. I can't talk about this to husband too much, it worries him, and he cares, very much, especially since he has dealt with depression and self harm himself, but he doesn't seem to understand that you can't always just flip a switch mentally to not be sad. It's different for everyone.",-0.974,negative,embarrassed 1468,depressed,I got black out drunk last night.,listener_1,2,"It is indeed possible to change that mental with words, you just gotta dig deep and find your biggest problems and find that special way to fix them, let your husband talk to you, he might be able to really help you from his past experiences. Of course his experience is way different from your experience, but some tiny bits of his past experience might really help your present experience (wow that was a lot of experience) Your mind is an EXTREMELY powerful thing, do not let it be infested. If you want we can chat too, tell someone about your toughts, i’m always here, Reddit gives out notifications you know ;).",0.9576,positive,agreeing 1468,depressed,I got black out drunk last night.,speaker,3,"Thank you for your kind words. 😊 I'm a lot better today. Problem with my husband is, when he was depressed as a teenager and hurting himself, his father micromanaged him to the point of telling him how to put on his socks in the morning to ""fix"" my hubby's depression. That's still how my husband thinks you handle it. Needless to say, he still battles his inner demons, but I feel like he's not necessarily aware that he's not as ok as he thinks and it manifests itself in a lot of negative ways. I have tried a few times to talk to him about things, but we usually end up arguing. ",-0.8493,negative,grateful 1469,depressed,Why won't anyone help,speaker,1,Please kill me,-0.5267,negative,angry 1469,depressed,Why won't anyone help,listener_1,2,Why don't you write a little more about how you are feeling so we can try to help? ,0.4939,positive,questioning 1469,depressed,Why won't anyone help,speaker,3,No I genuinely just want someone to kill me. That's it,-0.765,negative,terrified 1469,depressed,Why won't anyone help,listener_2,4,r/suicidewatch,0.0,neutral,afraid 1470,depressed,How do you know you're depressed without referring to professional help?,speaker,1,"So I've always felt worthless ever since I could understand what being worth something meant. I've had a decent childhood, nothing traumatic as to fuck me up, so I've never understood why I've felt this way. I'm 23 (m) now and I feel like it's all culminating and the negativity just bubbles over over the slightest thing. I currently live with relatives and have been for the past 5 years now and I'm struggling to get a job. I can hear my parents dissappointment over the phone every time I tell them I don't have a job yet. Every night I hear noises from downstairs and how my relatives behave like a family and my throat closes up. My chest feels heavy every morning and I've yet to feel like I deserve any kind of happiness. It honestly hurts and I've had suicidal thoughts for well over a decade now. My face huts and I always feel like I'm just a heartbeat away from breaking down and bawling my eyes out. Is this depression or just some convoluted way of my mind saying that I'm worthless?",-0.7947,negative,sad 1470,depressed,How do you know you're depressed without referring to professional help?,listener_1,2,"Have you thought about what it takes to be ""worthy""? If someone doesn't meet the criteria of a distinct role, then they are not producing value for their group and leaders. If someone is just at home, relaxing during downtime, then ""worth"" has different meaning.",0.7153,positive,content 1470,depressed,How do you know you're depressed without referring to professional help?,speaker,3,"I see your point, I have had a part time job as a teacher but everyone in my family thinks that it's not worth my time so they just say I'm in between jobs",-0.2498,negative,angry 1471,depressed,I'm not good at anything.,speaker,1,"I want to be good at school. I came to a state university right after high school, did mediocre my first year, on my second year and failing every class. I want to do well and get a degree, but it seems like I'm just not smart enough. My biggest fear is to drop out and have to go home where I have no friends, a family I don't get along well with, etc. At school I have many friends and love who I surround myself with and I don't want it to end. However no matter how hard I try it's not good enough. I study and study and study and when I go to my exam I just fucking blank. I cannot tell you how many uppers induced all nighters I've pulled to study and still get terrible grades. I just don't know why I can't do this. I don't wanna go home. I feel worthless. Like a waste of oxygen and space. I would say my parents would be pissed at my performance but they aren't paying a dime for my education. sure they'll be disappointed in me but what's new. I just don't know what to do anymore. ",-0.9688,negative,afraid 1471,depressed,I'm not good at anything.,listener_1,2,It sounds like you have test anxiety. There are ways to deal with it . You aren't dumb. ,0.5426,positive,acknowledging 1471,depressed,I'm not good at anything.,speaker,3,"i cannot recall the last time i succeeded on anything, honestly. ",0.7003,positive,neutral 1472,depressed,I was healing,speaker,1,I was doing so well. Now I feel like I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what to do. Am I over reacting. Am I actually going crazy. Or am I okay? I need help,0.7537,positive,afraid 1472,depressed,I was healing,listener_1,2,"Can you elaborate, what triggered this reaction? Or was it festering inside you and now you can't seem to hold it?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1472,depressed,I was healing,listener_2,3,Sometimes you dont know what triggered the reaction. Sometimes everything is breaking and suddenly it starts hurting so much and you don’t know why.,-0.4019,negative,afraid 1473,depressed,I will never be enough,speaker,1,I'll never understand how someone was able to look at you and think that you weren't enough,0.0,neutral,neutral 1473,depressed,I will never be enough,listener_1,2,Ummm that describes every relationship I have ever had... I don't understand.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1473,depressed,I will never be enough,speaker,3,"exactly, and to give someone all your love, your heart, your whole life, and then they end it all, just like why wasn’t I enough? I did EVERYTHING you want, to keep you happy, and now I sit here wondering why. ",0.9423,positive,agreeing 1474,depressed,Having an extremely rough night.,speaker,1,"I can't stop crying. I feel like everything in my life has gone to shit. I can't seem to hold on to a job because I have crippling social anxiety. I have no friends currently -- my only friend moved across the country this summer. I'm knee deep in debt that has accumulated from going to school full time and trying to afford an apartment and all of my other bills. I tried to start a small etsy business and failed miserably at it, and wasted my only extra money in the process, for supplies. I have never felt so alone and insignificant in my entire life. I don't even know why I'm writing this here. &#x200B;",-0.9336,negative,devastated 1474,depressed,Having an extremely rough night.,listener_1,2,I'm not the greatest at giving advice but I really do hope things get better for you! Wishing you the best and sending positive vibes your way ,0.9718,positive,consoling 1474,depressed,Having an extremely rough night.,speaker,3,I just finished about a month ago.,0.0,neutral,content 1475,depressed,I used to be reserved about how I feel and now I let out way too much,speaker,1,"idk if other people have experienced this. It used to be hard for me to open up to people and I just kept everything to myself for a really long time, and then I went to therapy for a while and then a psychiatrist and now Im used to talking about how I feel but I think its negatively affected me in some ways. None of this is in person mind you but I think thats just bc I havent been given the chance to do it. But I always tend to lead the conversation towards depression and tell them abt myself. Idk if its some sort of defense mechanism? Maybe, If I tell this person the most fucked up things about myself and they stick around, they prb wont leave until we get tired of eachother",-0.9539,negative,neutral 1475,depressed,I used to be reserved about how I feel and now I let out way too much,listener_1,2,"I do the exact same thing, I've been to a fee psychiatrists and yeah basically I do that aswell. Instead of being closed off and hard to get problems out of, I now just basically blurt out all my depression and anxiety stuff to whoever is listening. I honestly think it's being closed off for so long and finally going to a psychiatrist makes you realise how good it is to get that shit off your chest and because I've been keeping it in so long I jump to any opportunity to tell people and hope they understand and stick around.",0.1779,positive,trusting 1475,depressed,I used to be reserved about how I feel and now I let out way too much,speaker,3,"yea, I just feel weird bc there are some people that Ive told so much and I dont know much about them. I feel like it must be annoying when I do it, idk. I think its better than keeping it in though",0.1531,positive,ashamed 1476,depressed,I have no idea if this belongs here,speaker,1,"6 months ago or so I got out of an emotionally abusive, manipulation filled, very bad, year long relationship. It wasn't my choice to end it, she told me she was a satanist after a year of dating, that scared the shit out of me because I'm a massive pussy so she dumbed me. I've been a mess of a person ever since. My depression and anxiety have reached crippling levels. But everyday I just can't deal with how much she fucked up my whole mind and it's need for affection and shit. I just hate myself completely because of it, I have this insane need to be with someone who I can take care of and they can take care of me, tell me everything and I csn tell them everything. The bad part is that I've been wanting it so much It's bleeding into other things, every new person I meet I have a crush on, I can't stop fantasising about things that will never happen and the thing it's affected the most for me is D&D. It's one of the few things that I still enjoy but I play every session in the vain hope that my character could strike up a relationship with another PC, I don't care thst it's all fake and not real I just want it so much it hurts Fuck my brain, jesus I hate it.",-0.9902,negative,devastated 1476,depressed,I have no idea if this belongs here,listener_1,2,Why would her telling you she is a Satanist scare you?,-0.4939,negative,questioning 1476,depressed,I have no idea if this belongs here,speaker,3,"Grew up with a very religious extended family, im agnostic, i have paranoia",-0.25,negative,terrified 1476,depressed,I have no idea if this belongs here,listener_1,4,I highly recommend reading some Satanic literature before jumping to conclusions. Its not what you think it is.,0.4201,positive,afraid 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,speaker,1,"I don't know how much more I can take in one year. My heart hurts and I feel hopeless. I feel trapped in my shitty circumstances and little motivation to improve them...and no matter what I do I just f*ck things up more and more. I feel alone, and maybe I deserve to feel this way.... Cancer in the family. Diagnosed with Endometriosis/chronic illness. Financial struggles. Trapped. Lonely. Anxiety and depression coming in hotter and hotter. Debt creeping up on me... Tough life decisions.. Idk my purpose... I feel like I annoy everyone I become attached to, and when I don't then I am being judged for my life choices or easily forgotten... ",-0.9829,negative,sad 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,listener_1,2,I feel like I'm looking in a mirror... I'm sorry things are difficult at the moment and hope you find a way forward. What have you tried for the endo? I had so many problems with that until I got the implanon implant in my arm. No more monthly excruciating pain is amazing.,-0.7858,negative,sympathizing 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,speaker,3,"Interesting. I have never thought of or heard of trying implanon! I will have to look into that. I am glad that it has helped you get relief... Endo sucks! For my endo I had a laparoscopy that did not help. I also have used cbd salve which does not help that much. I have tried various vitamins and pain meds with no help. I am back on a regular birth control pill now called Junel... I had been off BCP for a 16ish months previously which is how I found out I had endo actually..Pain still bad sometimes, but the BCP is helping a bit. Also thanks for reading & for the encouragement 💙. I hope that you also find strength and peace in your path forward.",0.9826,positive,suggesting 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,listener_2,4,that's worthy of you realizing you should delete it. ,0.4404,positive,neutral 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,speaker,5,"Thank you. I do realize some of this about joining communities and have done so in the past, but think I have given up/forgotten to reconnect to people who experience the same for a while now.. Just closed myself off a bit.. Thank you for the reminder. I think I needed it 💙💙💙",0.9761,positive,grateful 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,speaker,6,"Thanks for the encouragement, advice, & for reading 💜. I hope that within your own experience with a lot of the same challenges you continue to be strong!",0.9493,positive,encouraging 1477,depressed,I don't know any more...,listener_3,7,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,speaker,1,I don’t like this quote. I used to be a very hopeful and positive person but now when I hear people say this it really just frustrates me and makes me feel worse. I won’t allow anything to give me false hope because I’ve been dealing with the same problems for years. My life has been on a steady decline for a long time and each year the misery surpasses the last. I’m completely alone and don’t have any friends. I haven’t even had a conversation with someone my age in years. All I do is listen to sad music and think about how worse it’s going to get for me the next year. I’ve never been worse off than how I am now. I’ve been depressed for a long time and because of that I stared to cut. This has made my appearance even worse than before. A big portion of my body is scarred and now I can never forget it’s my fault. I don’t have the motivation to do anything less long change my diet. I just want to take something strong and drift off to sleep forever. Even living on for one more minute is too long. People say they care but I don’t believe it. A stranger on the internet saying they relate when they probably can’t and don’t care anyway. Whenever I look up painless ways to end this horrific journey I see the hotline numbers as if they care. If I do have to keep on living then I at least want to be heavily medicated. I never should have been born. I was a happy young girl and now I’ve lost everything and no one ever cared. It couldn’t get any worse than this.,-0.8509,negative,disappointed 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,listener_1,2,"It may actually get better for you. Other folks have experienced remission of depressive symptoms. Nearing 50, I am neither better or worse, just stable, and that is ""better"" than how I used to be. Leave some room for hope.",0.8046,positive,hopeful 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,listener_2,3,yeah but it sucks that we have to piss our lives away in the interim till the point where we level out after most salient life opportunities has passed us by. personally i am far more aggressive with treatment than i used to be after pissing my life away on a 10 year episode of depressive and referential paranoia coupled with severe delayed sleep phase disorder which ended with me being in a state of chronic nihilistic depersonalization. literally 10 years man.,-0.9607,negative,neutral 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,listener_1,4,Nihilistic depersonalization sounds like it shares attributes with Anhedonia?,0.5719,positive,questioning 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,listener_2,5,yes i believe it does. my genome has the taq 1a poymorphism which reduced dopamine d2 receptors in the prefrontal cortex. anhedonia and what psychiatrist paul meehl described as aversive drift (i made a post about this see my history) is a big part of my problem. i came off all psych meds and am starting over with a several month course of sarcosine to hit negative and depressive symptoms. ,-0.836,negative,agreeing 1478,depressed,It will get better eventually.....,listener_1,6,Seems like you understand a deeper level of mental disorders: please keep commenting here.,0.5859,positive,agreeing 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",speaker,1,"i’m not sure if this post belongs here but here we go: i feel as though i’m sinking slowly into the ground. i’m slowly disappearing beneath the cracks of the earth and no one is noticing because they just keep on walking, and walking. it feels as though i’m falling asleep whilst everyone is wide awake. it feels like i’m so damn different than everyone else. i don’t know what it is but god i just feel like just stopping. there is stress engulfing me and i can’t seem to do ANYTHING right anymore. everything that once made me a person has disappeared and now it’s like im just a shell of a person. i want to feel free again, i want to feel awake and imaginative and interesting. why is this happening? it’s like my brain is collapsing on itself slowly and i’m just moving and trying my best. i try desperately to be a good person but somehow i feel as though i don’t make anyone happy, including myself. i try my best to keep going, keep pushing. sometimes i am delusional enough to think it’s going to be ok. i am pretty, in fact i may even be attractive when i put in the effort. i’m quite intelligent because i’m doing well in school (in most lessons anyway), and i guess i can be funny - that’s what i tell myself to keep myself going. but sometimes i catch myself in the mirror, i am working in class, or i’m talking to someone and i realise that maybe i’m none of these things. it hits me hard when i’m trying to build myself up again and knocks me back even further. i get validation from people every once is a while - but still i feel as though people just say it to be nice because there’s always someone close by that is better than i am, and cooler than i am, and funnier than i am, and more interesting than i am, and stronger than i am, and more excitable than i am. i don’t even think i’d mind any of that too much (although that’s probably me being delusional again) but it’s more than that. why is my brain so disconnected from the rest of me? it feels like the voice in my mind strays away from my actions. maybe if i reacted to situations more, if i laughed more and told more jokes, if i had more to say - that people wouldn’t get bored by me. in fact i wonder if anyone even read this far? i’m so young - but i’m so stressed and hurt and scared and paranoid constantly - yet at the same time it’s nothing. it’s silent but i feel the pounding on the glass behind me, i feel the panic but it’s so distant that i’m stood in the middle of nowhere. i’m stretching and moving and breathing but i’m also sitting and waiting and freezing. i want to feel the excitement, the rush, i want to be able to speak again without caring what people say. i just want to curl up too and hug someone and ask if it’s gonna always be like this. i want to know why i’m sat here crying to myself whilst typing desperately away on reddit instead of going and hanging out with friends and being funny and cool. i can’t do it anymore, any of it. i try again and again to reinvent myself - to start again with hairstyles and makeup but still i always look the same - i try to be organised and smart yet i fall behind and fall back and im falling and everyone thinks i am dumb. god i try to be healthy but i don’t really eat enough as it is for some reason - i don’t usually feel too hungry - i eat and enjoy just enough. god i need a hug. god i need to start again, not fully but i just need to reinvent - but i don’t know how anymore. i want to feel, please someone make me feel something. something other than sadness and hopelessness and loneliness - but no one can help me - well except from me but i think that option is already fading. thank you for reading the whole thing if u did, it means a lot. even if u only read a little bit and u didn’t even get to this point, thank you. thank you reddit for helping me not become completely insane. ",0.9983,positive,lonely 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_1,2,"You write incredibly well and have an amazing ability to express how you feel in a visual way. Since you are on this subreddit, I'm guessing you already suspect it is depression. I think the key to what you said is that there was a ""before"" you. That is usually the best indication. Have you considered seeking professional help?",0.8588,positive,surprised 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",speaker,3,"thank you for your kind comments on the way i wrote, that really meant a lot especially since i’ve loved writing from a very young age - it’s one of the very very few things that i enjoy and am kind of good at. i have considered seeking professional help, however i don’t think i can take any steps for a good couple of years without my parents finding out. i’m not sure that they would understand what it meant properly and would end up blaming it on me and blame things i do (e.g. going on my phone) for causing it - even if i wasn’t diagnosed in the end. they do care about me a lot but i think it’d do more harm than good in the long run. one day i hope to get professional help though, unless these issues somehow deflate and drift away as life progresses (which i doubt). thank you again for taking the time to read through my post and respond! ",0.9413,positive,neutral 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_2,4,"This sub is so worthless, there is never any advice except “seek professional help.” In my situation that isn’t an option and every time I see that I just feel more and more hopeless.",-0.8073,negative,devastated 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_1,5,"First, OP asked what was going on. Second, you clearly are not reading many of the posts before you make your declaration. And depression is like having a rash. Would you say the same if someone told you that you needed to seek professional help to treat it? If you honestly have depression, then you cannot complain that people are telling you to seek help for an illness. I'm sorry it is not an option for you, though it probably could be if you really wanted it to, but how does telling people they need to seek professional help to combat a real illness worthless? That doesn't make any sense unless you are under the impression depression can just be willed away. And plenty of posts of here are just asking about specific situational advice and the responses do not mention seeking help. But when the OP is asking what is wrong and what they can do, then you answer to that. If you think it is worthless, first, what is it you'd like to be told? Second, why don't you answer other posts the way you want to be answered if you have an issue with the sub. Complaining about others but not contributing yourself is what is worthless. ",-0.9728,negative,angry 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",speaker,6,"yeah, i can see where you are coming from. for me, professional help just isn’t an option available to me any time soon however i still like using my sub, it’s there for me when i’m at breaking point and am feeling as if i have nowhere to turn to and i have received a little bit of advice and/or people have emphasised with me which felt nice to know i’m not the only one. i hope whatever you are going through eases away soon, i’m sorry that i also can’t offer you any good advice (i would if i had the ability to) :) ",0.9674,positive,agreeing 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_1,7,"Well, what is more harm than good in the long run? Your parents finding out or continuing to live like this? That is your choice but you do need to remember this is your life that you have to wake up each day and live. ",0.3281,positive,questioning 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",speaker,8,"hmm you make a good point, but in the past when i’ve even brought up feeling sad for no particular reason they completely didn’t understand and turned the situation on me and so i guess that makes me nervous. my only plan is to ride out the pain until i’m 18 and go from there - maybe before then i’ll pluck up some courage though thank you for the advice still though! ",-0.6239,negative,suggesting 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_2,9,"K, thanks that helps.",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 1479,depressed,"feeling confused, lost and hopeless",listener_1,10,"You can possibly come at them with full research on depression in how it needs to be treated professionally. You can start with a therapist and they can refer you on to a psychiatrist for medication. But you definitely want both. Antidepressants aren't happy pills. What they do is help get you to a place where it is possible to address the depression through therapy, changes in your life to ease stress, motivation to get out with friends, etc. The problem is that the longer you wait, the worse you can get. And the worse you get, the longer and harder it is to treat. While it is possible you have dysthymia, which is a mild form of depression and doesn't really dip, you probably don't want to take that chance. You seem really intelligent. I think you may enjoy reading The Noonday Demon by Andrew Sullivan. People are always going to judge depression, unfortunately including ones who love you. It is your job to fight back for your own life. This is your life that you have to live, not theirs. So you push for doing what it takes to make it the best it can possibly be. Your parents sound loving but simply lacking knowledge. So give them the knowledge and tell them this is what is best for you. And whatever blame they want to put on you for how you feel, you can then say, ""well I'll address that in therapy, too."" Whatever it takes just to get you help. And then slowly encourage them to do their own research on depression. The top two stickied posts on this subreddit have a ton of links. Start there. And keep reminding yourself, this is my life. ",0.9575,positive,agreeing 1480,depressed,Whats the point,speaker,1,"I really dont see the point in living. I keep grinding away hoping that things will get better but i end up sinking deeper into depression. No one will hire me in my field, im tired all the time, ive been overweight my entire life, every romantic relationship ive had fails. The only reason im alive is i dont want to make my father more disappointed in me or break my mothers heart. Ive been depressed for 17 years.",-0.9249,negative,sad 1480,depressed,Whats the point,listener_1,2,"Get fit: exersise, stop eating junk food, white bread and sugar(replace them with fruits and vegetables) and drink only water. Once your body gets better your mind will too; it won't be easy but hard things shape strong characters, sitting around waiting for life to get better ain't a solution. Don't forget, real life is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving. ",0.7937,positive,neutral 1480,depressed,Whats the point,listener_2,3,I need to develop a core self but my mind is too erratic. Help. How old did you become “you” and is it too late for me? :(,-0.0772,negative,questioning 1480,depressed,Whats the point,listener_3,4,"Just in the past few years, and I am nearing 50. Prolly not too late.",0.0,neutral,sad 1481,depressed,Terrible and can't remember why.,speaker,1,"I feel terrible. And when I'm thinking about why I can come up with a billion reasons. But when i try to maybe reach out, like here, It's like I forget every single one. Right now I cant name a reason. But when i came searching for this reddit, i had a lot of ideas in mind. Now im drawing a blank. I guess this frustrates me because, i always struggle to express myself. And i have no qualms about it in terms of ""afraid to be honest"". It's just genuinely difficult. Its like an automatic thing to erase memory when it comes to talking about it. Maybe in a bit I'll remember, and I'll be able to make a post. But I needed to get something out there. I feel terrible.",-0.7758,negative,disappointed 1481,depressed,Terrible and can't remember why.,listener_1,2,"Opening up can be difficult. In my experience I’ve come to acknowledge that everything is like a muscle, even intangible thought processes like talking about your feelings. You keep trying and slowly it gets easier and you get better at it :-) don’t stop trying <3",0.8074,positive,apprehensive 1481,depressed,Terrible and can't remember why.,speaker,3,Thank you for this.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1482,depressed,I just want to be happy,speaker,1,I feel like I am never going to be happy again. I am just always sad. I go to school and work and just want to come home and cry all day. I have nothing to be upset about I just am always so sad and lonely. I have no friends because I’ve cut them all out because I don’t want to open up to anyone. My husband is trying to help but I just hurt him and don’t mean to. I just want it to end so badly. I just want to be happy for a minute. ,-0.7964,negative,sad 1482,depressed,I just want to be happy,listener_1,2,"I completely understand how you feel right now and now how hard it can be :( sometimes I want to give up but every time I remind myself that I have control over my life. Take small steps towards happiness such as making plans with a friend or reaching out to others and it gets easier, slowly but surely. Things will change for the better if you keep your head up I promise ",0.977,positive,faithful 1482,depressed,I just want to be happy,listener_2,3,Reconnecting with friends and sites like reach out has helped me deal with moments of loneliness.,0.4404,positive,lonely 1483,depressed,Nobody really cares,speaker,1,Things have not been great this year and it just keeps getting worse. Really started to feel low around my birthday and just how much I've been let down. I tell everyone outright that I'm unhappy and they can physically tell but yet I get discredited. No one really cares or they just tell me to stop. That's the cure. Stop being so sad. ,-0.952,negative,disappointed 1483,depressed,Nobody really cares,listener_1,2,"It's true we face a lot of misunderstanding and judgment and bullshit. But there are some people out there who understand and have good behavior and trustworthiness on these issues. If your loved ones aren't supportive, you'll have to muster the ability to find someone who can. Like posting here on Reddit. Good for you for reaching it out and hoping that someone is going to get your situation and maybe be kind and maybe say something useful. I often advise depressed folks to make friends with other depressed folks and try to find a match where you can symbiotically lean on each other -- it really can happen! Also maybe think of your #1 person who you think is the least problematic in supporting you. If you trust them, be honest and frank with them about how you feel like you're not getting the support you feel you need. Don't make it about everyone else and the whole world, i mean you can say that you feel very alienated and alone, but don't blame them for anything beyond their own behavior. And try to be nonjudgmental about why they haven't been supporting you well. Forgive them. And then explain what kind of support you want, what it looks like, be really literal. And gauge their response. If there's absolutely no one currently in your life that you can do that with, then definitely reach out and add some new people to your life who can have this kind of conversation with you. ",0.9952,positive,trusting 1483,depressed,Nobody really cares,speaker,3,That was really helpful. I am blameful but I find I shut down as soon as I get negative behavior from someone I open up to. I do have one person and she is very uplifting but I'm weary of putting her off being that our friendship is still very new. ,-0.5652,negative,trusting 1483,depressed,Nobody really cares,listener_1,4,"that is a very good cautious feeling you have. perhaps frame it as an offer, and offer that friend something/anything in return. Recognize to them that you are asking for a lot from a new friend. And create a system of check-ins that go both ways, so they can check in with how you're doing on your depression, and you can regularly check-in with them on your relationship and ensure they're not overly stressed or overwhelmed (""did it bother you when I called you at 10:30pm the other night? is that too late? does it stress you out when I call and I'm already crying?"" stuff like that. And don't feel any shame if something you want/need is too much for them to take; it's not shameful to need something that no one you know can provide, but it may be a sign that you should try to cultivate another support person who maybe provides that need and only that need (since it might be a heavy one for someone to provide). A lot of relationships turn sour or end amid depression because one party feels pulled into a dynamic that they resent, they feel like they're giving too much and getting dragged down, and there isn't the communication to talk about those feelings before they build up so heavy the relationship really starts to disintegrate. Even though you're depressed and you have these needs, remember that'll you have to nurture the relationship that you rely on to support you. In an ideal world, your support person would have a third-party support person of their own (aka care circles). Good luck!",0.9918,positive,suggesting 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,speaker,1,I hate the family I live with and hate my school. May have to talk to the guidance consular Nevertheless the only thing keeping me going is the study of science please help me I feel like I am going mad ,-0.6249,negative,angry 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_1,2,> I want to meet the Grim Reaper Are you having thoughts of suicide?,-0.836,negative,questioning 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_2,3,"This is perfectly understandable and rest assured that one day you surely will. This certainty takes a bit of the pressure off and keeps life in perspective. Within this short time, there are a lot of possibilities.",0.8555,positive,anticipating 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_2,4,"There are many things in this life we cannot change and yet waste energy resisting as if we could. These include our family members, our place of birth and manner of education, other people's opinions, unfortunate current events, the need to acquire the basics to survive in a strange world and on and on and on. I enjoyed chemistry but my favorite subject was always cosmology. But I stupidly majored in physics/math. I enjoyed it but still regret not pursuing the cosmology even tho people around me were saying there weren't enough jobs in that field and other discouraging things. You have to do what you like in this life and get some enjoyment out of it. More than anything you have to satisfy yourself somehow. ",0.8573,positive,ashamed 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_2,5,Wanting to die prematurely usually indicates a level of pain beyond what a person thinks they are able or willing to endure or a hopelessness regarding any chance of enjoying the future. Is that your situation?,-0.7845,negative,questioning 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_2,6,I have been alone most of my life. It is a mixed blessing unless one gets along well with oneself....,0.5106,positive,lonely 1484,depressed,I want to meet the grim reaper,listener_3,7,"You may not be able to avoid your family members until you're able to move out on your own. You can't avoid criticism in school; none of us could, and none of us can avoid criticism in the working world either. The world is full of unpleasantries that we can't control. The good news is that happiness doesn't come from a life without unpleasantries. Happiness is a way of viewing the world that allows for unpleasantries. How old are you?",-0.5770000000000001,negative,lonely 1485,depressed,No one understands,speaker,1,"So I’ve been bottling up my feelings for so long and I can’t talk to friends and family anymore about my problems, so here I am, telling a bunch of strangers. It is long, so it’s fine if y’all skip this one. I suffer from pretty bad social anxiety. Not simply, “eh, I don’t like parties, I’ll just stay in,” but when I find myself in a social situation like going to church or a party that friends or family have roped me into, I feel like I am super out of place and that no one is like me and there’s nothing more that I want to do than leave the room, but I’m afraid that if I try to leave early, people will try to talk to me on my way out, so I stay off to the side as much as I can, feeling trapped until I’m one of the last ones there. That issue seemed to resolve itself when I met who I thought was the love of my life. We had a wonderful courtship and engagement and all of a sudden, I could feel comfortable at church or at parties, even when she couldn’t be by my side. Then a week before our wedding day, out of nowhere, she calls it off and tells me she doesn’t love me. I thought I did everything perfectly. I told her I loved her daily, I would rub her feet while she unloaded her problems from the day on me, I would bring her favorite Chinese food and ice cream every time she started her period. Now I’m all alone and somehow over the years, I must’ve accumulated only the best of people as friends because they all got married in their early to mid 20s and have been successful in their marriages and many with children. How in the world can I take their word for it when they all tell me I’m a great guy and that the right woman is just around the corner for me? I’m 31 now and without exaggeration, I have been on 60+ first dates. Only a handful led to second or third dates, and three of those ended with “I only see you as a friend”. I’m not ugly, I am fat, but I am also active, so it’s more like a football player who let himself go a bit than someone who is on the couch all day. I do well in one on one interactions, yet I feel like I am so unique that no one gets me and likely never will. I would not consider myself an incel. I do believe in my religion enough where I want to find someone who shares my beliefs and values, (like not drinking, smoking, swearing, and abstinence until marriage), but that alone limits my options so much, then toss on the fact that I have a more unique personality and that I hate being where people are and it just feels hopeless. I’ve never felt suicidal, but I have often entertained the thought that the world wouldn’t be much different if a drunk driver hit and killed me. Honestly, I don’t expect anyone to read through all of this, but it has helped to get it out in words. ",0.9986,positive,embarrassed 1485,depressed,No one understands,listener_1,2,"First I hope I don't come off as rude or any other sort of way. Second a good relationship isn't about how much you do for another. I heard you mention how you supported them but I didn't hear much about what they where doing for you to support your needs and goals. Maybe its for the best? Being single can suck a lot but being in a never ending drama or nightmare can be worse. Third about feeling about of place. This is something you can work on even if never cure. Some how in my life I switched from an outgoing child to a bit of a shut in due to reasons you stated. I joined a group, (for me it was Freemasonry) and when I was a full on member and completed the task put before me I took on a more active role becoming part of the lodge officers line. This committed me to be at pretty much every meeting to the best of my ability and to replace my position should I need to be out which again forced me to go outside my comfort zone. I'm now wrapping out my final year of that (I think 7 now) years long commitment. I knew if I didn't make a commitment I'm pretty sure I would have let my issues over take me and cause me to relapse into my old ways. Even now I'm considering taking on yet another role that honestly is even more of a commitment than I'm currently under because I'm still scared I'll stop going if I don't have a reason to push me past my own discomfort. ",0.9878,positive,trusting 1485,depressed,No one understands,speaker,3,"Thanks. You have no idea how good it feels to finally have someone empathize rather than simply telling me ""life will get better"". Even if that sentiment will be true if I work at it, and even though I know that everyone goes through something similar, it still leaves me feeling sucky and alone. I like my religion, but I hate going to church and being around all of those people. If not for me going to the same congregation as my sister and trying to be a role model for my nieces and nephews, I probably would stop going to that. Even still, I think I need to take your advice and throw myself into a role of some sort. Even though I go to church every week, I've been very successful at allowing the fewest amount of people possible get to know me.",0.359,positive,lonely 1485,depressed,No one understands,listener_1,4,Glad to chat any time. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk or vent. I can't do a lot with my means but I can talk and I'm happy to.,0.8537,positive,content 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,1,Just turned 50. I'm married for 15 years now. We have a combined family of 6 kids ranging from 32 to 20. I am a 10 veteran. I basically do all chores at home. We both work. We have just grown to be roommates over time. There is no desire to cheat at all from either of us. I just want to be gone from here.,-0.607,negative,content 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,listener_1,2,Sounds like it may be time to go to war. Choose your enemy wisely. I can see two battle fields one for your marriage another for your sanity and quality of life. I hope you the best and I'm always around if you want to chat.,0.4019,positive,encouraging 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,3,Sometimes I just get tired of the fight. I'm tired of the war!,-0.9117,negative,angry 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,4,Thanks for the advice. I have been struggling with these two battles for awhile now. I just feel defeated. I may take you up on that offer to chat sometime. ,-0.6808,negative,suggesting 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,5,"I have tried, nothing works. No walk on the beach or date night. Just sitting at home.",0.2235,positive,lonely 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,6,"I have tried, she doesn't want to do anything but watch TV. ",-0.0286,neutral,annoyed 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,7,Thank you for the input.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,listener_2,8,"You can try to discuss with your kids how you feel and have them go to her. After that you can make an ultimatum of either you talk together or you will start considering what is best for you, even if that means moving on without her. Like you said, neither of you have any desire to cheat so sometimes that comfort in that the other person will always be there progesses to complacency and eventually to no interaction. It may be just that she needs to be reminded that you are still in a relationship and that still requires work to keep each other happy. So first start with the approach that she currently just doesn't understand because she hasn't really thought about putting back the spark that used to be there. If she refuses to work on it, it is then you can start thinking about how to move on with your life so you can find happiness and contentment. ",0.9332,positive,trusting 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,listener_3,9,"Anxiety and Depression are just as contagious as Laughs and Smiles! Perspective and perception are powerful tools... You may be sad and bothered by many things, but your focus is that she is obviously sad and bothered... ask yourself what is on her mind? You cant fix her but you can buck up and be part of some healing process for the both of you. Feel free to shoot me a message for some dry sarcastic humor or whatever, anything can help keep a persons' mind out of dark places where we don't want to be.",-0.7027,negative,suggesting 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,listener_1,10,Any time brother.,0.0,neutral,wishing 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,speaker,11,Thanks I will keep all of this and mind.,0.4404,positive,wishing 1486,depressed,I just want to disappear,listener_1,12,"I can't end your war, I can back you up in your fight. Happy to talk brother just ask, or start talking anytime you want.",0.6753,positive,faithful 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,speaker,1,For basically half my life ive been empty inside. I felt nothing. Nothing truly made me happy. Why am i like this?,0.7536,positive,lonely 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,listener_1,2,What have you stood for?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,speaker,3,Before the age of 7 or 8,0.0,neutral,afraid 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,listener_2,4,So you are in your teens? Have you done research on depression and anhedonia? ,-0.6199,negative,questioning 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,speaker,5,From what ive read i think social anhedonia.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1487,depressed,Why is it like this,listener_2,6,"Anhedonia is a symptom of depression. That said, you may not have depression and just may not have found what interests you. Do you feel comfortable taking to your parents about this? It isn't easy but you have to keep reminding yourself that while it might be hard and uncomfortable to talk with your parents, you are doing it to make your life better now and years in the future. As an adult, I do a lot of research of symptoms I am experiencing or diagnoses I've been given. You should do the same. The only difference is that I go directly to get my own help. You need to go through your parents. So come to them prepared to explain how you feel, what you've read about it, what you think may help (therapy leading into a possible diagnosis of depression; trying new activities), and anything else you may find helpful. There are some resources pinned at the top of this subreddit. I do not know whether you have depression or not but I do know there is something going on in your life that is different from what it used to be (that's wht I asked you the first question). It's hard to always figure out on your own so maybe a few sessions with a therapist, even if you don't have depression, may help you to understand why you feel this way and what you can possibly change going forward. ",0.892,positive,apprehensive 1488,depressed,Born too late,speaker,1,I’m feeling really depressed cause there’s this girl I have strong feelings for she’s actually a coworker but is heavily committed and we went to hang out the other day but after having that much fun with her it made me sad knowing she’ll always be the one that got away and idk I’m just sad as can be right now and felt like I needed to get it out.,0.1415,positive,sad 1488,depressed,Born too late,listener_1,2,"Sorry, your post doesn't really belong here.. maybe try r/sad. Being depressed is a whole other state of being than how you feel right now. For what it's worth, pretty much everyone has had a crush on someone they haven't dated yet still think is ""the one."" It hurts for a bit but you meet other people and move on. Your life will not be doomed to only meeting women who will never measure up to your coworker. ",0.5349,positive,suggesting 1488,depressed,Born too late,speaker,3,Thanks I’ll remove the post sorry ,0.3818,positive,sympathizing 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,speaker,1,"I'm 14 and I got raped by a 20 year old when I was 12. I cant shake my depression and turn to weed, alcohol, tobacco, and self harm to cope but it doesn't work. It doesn't matter because it wasn't his fault. so... if anybody wanted to recommend resources that'd be great.",0.8715,positive,suggesting 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_1,2,What do you mean “it wasn’t his fault”? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,speaker,3,I made him angry...,-0.5106,negative,guilty 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_1,4,"It wasn’t your fault. He was wrong to rape you, there is no excuse or good reason for anyone to rape anyone. I would recommend seeing a social worker or therapist if you haven’t already, it would really benefit you. ",-0.9191,negative,neutral 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_2,5,"No, honey that's not how it works. You need to report that asshole to the police. He was an adult, assaulting a child, it was 100% his fault and you did not do anything wrong. None of it was your fault. I hope you can find the support you need.",-0.1396,negative,consoling 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_3,6,"He’s an adult. It’s his fault. As adults we know better, and know the difference between a kid and an adult. You need to talk to a school counselor and your parents. Or, go straight to the police. If you are uncomfortable with coming forward alone, and would be ok with one of us helping, PM me (or someone) and we can help report it for you. No matter what this douche-canoe says, it’s ALL his fault. Angry or not, he was waiting for a reason to do it. We are here for you. ",-0.3557,negative,trusting 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,speaker,7,Any suggestions?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_4,8,"That depends what you like, you may have to search around a bit. I'll list my favourites: Stardew Valley - you inherit a rundown farm from your grandfather and must live off the land. Civilization 6 - turn-based strategy game where you build an empire and battle against AI/players, discovering technology, goverments and defeat your enemies with force, diplomacy, science, or culture. Cities: Skylines - city simulation where you build, manage and provide for an ever growing city. Rim world - strategy game where you manage an ever-growing population of survivors, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. ",-0.6597,negative,excited 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,speaker,9,Just me and my mom,0.0,neutral,lonely 1489,depressed,Raped with no escape,listener_5,10,"If your mom knows, what has she done about it? Has she gone to the police? Taken you to therapy? Looked for support groups? I included website resources in another comment, but your mom really needs to help you in every way possible, and that definitely includes looking for therapy or support organizations in your area. ",0.9307,positive,agreeing 1490,depressed,Same shit everyday,speaker,1,"It’s the same shit everyday isn’t it? You wake up feeling tired , go to school or work , finish homework or any other paper work, eat, stay up too long scrolling through reddit and listening to music and then sleep. It’s the same everyday Does anyone else feel like their life is stuck on repeat? I mean once you realise it you kind of feel like there’s no point in life. ",-0.6767,negative,sad 1490,depressed,Same shit everyday,listener_1,2,Keep looking around this planet because you might be surprised...especially if you make contact with a culture which is less embedded in the techno-utopia idealists build and plan.,0.1779,positive,surprised 1490,depressed,Same shit everyday,speaker,3,It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one ,0.4019,positive,trusting 1490,depressed,Same shit everyday,listener_2,4,I’ve been feeling that for 5 years and im still the fucking same. ,0.128,positive,furious 1490,depressed,Same shit everyday,speaker,5,That’s actually an interesting theory - it would makes sense,0.4019,positive,acknowledging 1491,depressed,I just wanna disappear,speaker,1,"I'm 17 and in all honesty I just want to disappear into nothingness really. I kinda just give up,I enlisted into the Navy i was happy about that but ever since me and my ex broke up I just feel like I'll honestly never love a person like I loved her again. Every relationship after that it just doesnt feel the same like I dont even love the girl like I should, I care about every girl I've been with in my own twisted way but its not like I loved them but I just ""liked"" them. I'm tired of school and want to be home school till I go to basic training because I'm just not going to be able to do it. I feel like everyone is against me and no ones on my side.No one will ever understand how it feels to be betrayed and cast aside like trash. And now I've just stopped caring about everything I walk to school and home and work idc about the cars I'll walk thru traffic in the middle of a green light. Like I honestly i have nothing else left I'm tapped of everything. I'm so angry all the time I wish things could be different but it cant. People like to preach that highschool is the best years of you're life. I call it nothing more than hyprocisy, because honestly school has been the worst years of my life.hell i even hate being black I feel like that's 1 of things I hate about myself the most. Because I like girls outside my race (especially asians) and because of my race n skin I feel like I'm not even viable. I never really asked for alot in life. I hate the holidays because it's always spent with family and not a significant other (because I never have 1 around this time) and that stuff really gets to u. It sucks honestly. I just wish I had someone to talk to, to laugh with, cry with, and just spend time with I dont like being lonely. If you took the time to read this thank I just wanted someone to talk to ☹",0.9599,positive,lonely 1491,depressed,I just wanna disappear,listener_1,2,"Sorry you're feeling down, OP. Let me tell you my story because we have a LOT of overlap so I hope you'll understand it more. During my senior year, I swore into the Navy in October and was scheduled to ship to boot camp (Not trying to trash you but, Air Force and Army is basic training, and Navy and Marines are boot camp). Prior to my senior year starting, My girlfriend and I broke up after 2.5 years, during the next few months I was hopping to and from different girls as rebounds. I finally met a nice girl I was genuinely attracted to and we started dating in January. The relationship had its ups and downs but I loved the relationship. Fast forward a few months to July, we broke up, I was sad, and I was feeling exactly what you're feeling right now. EXCEPT, I let that break up define me and I chose to enroll in college instead of continuing my enlistment into the Navy; this was something that was not for me, as the navy had been my only dream since I was a kid, and I left the navy to TRY to get back a girl, a girl who had I learned had no intention of going into college with a boyfriend. I was sad, and depressed, thoughts about suicide, etc. I would be lying if I never thought about her afterwards because I did, and while I was thinking about her, it was distracting me from my day to day life and years later, thinking about it only wasted my time. I did a lot of blaming during that time on myself (I generally don't like my race also) and thought that this was the reason. I somewhat still think this is the reason some girls don't like me, but that's not the point, the point is that I've learned that if someone doesn't like you, there is literally nothing you can do to change that; worry about what you can control, and not what you can't. Fast forward, I'm now graduated from college and hopefully going to medical school soon. I'm going to tell you that you will eventually get over them, but i'm not going to tell you that it's going to be easy. Five years later, I only had one real 'regret' (barely) and that was leaving my pursuit for the Navy. You obviously joined the military because you have a passion for it. Try to keep this fire alive and let this be the reason to wake up everyday. I haven't had a real ""girlfriend"" since high school and while I do sometimes want to jump into a relationship, I know that a quality relationship takes time; Time to develop, time to mature yourself, and time to realize that you are ACTUALLY better with this new person, give it some time. In regards to the holidays, While I also haven't had anyone to cuddle up with around the fire, I have grown more and more to love my family and appreciate them. Do this with you family and don't take this time you have now for granted. \- To one guy trying to get better to another &#x200B; EDIT: I was scheduled to ship off to boot in Augusta, separated in the middle of July. (recruiters were prolly pissed)",-0.9188,negative,sad 1491,depressed,I just wanna disappear,speaker,3,Thank you for you're comment. I just feel alive but not alive sometimes ya know. I just dont like being lonely. I'm just ready to give up man I'll never be happy,-0.2437,negative,lonely 1491,depressed,I just wanna disappear,speaker,4,Thanks ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1492,depressed,Just dont know where to go..,speaker,1,"25 stuck at a point in life where i dont know what to do...I work a full time job which i hate make 40k a year...I want to do something else, I wanted to become a game developer in life but idk seems like its not gonna work out...My parents give me shit all the time saying i dont make enough (They dont work) Just stranded looking for somewhere to go to land a decent career that i will be happy with.",0.0258,neutral,lonely 1492,depressed,Just dont know where to go..,listener_1,2,"Well I'd say dont listen to what any of them are saying, man. I know money is important but your happiness is more important, I'd suggest following your dreams dude, find a passion you have, something that you enjoy doing and brings you joy and find a way to turn that into a career, maybe you wont make as much money but you'll be happy. I wouldn't quit your current job until you have a new one in place though. That's my opinion, man. ",0.9868,positive,suggesting 1492,depressed,Just dont know where to go..,speaker,3,Thank you i shall definitely try ,0.6369,positive,agreeing 1492,depressed,Just dont know where to go..,listener_2,4,"You will be okay, I hope everything works out for you :)",0.7783,positive,consoling 1492,depressed,Just dont know where to go..,listener_3,5,"Are you living your life for you or for others? If for others why? Also 40k a year is good money to me. My last full time job I made 8.50 an hour. Would kill to make that kind of money in a steady stable job. Don't let others take away from what you have done landing a job and salary like you have, a lot of people are still well below you.",0.5204,positive,jealous 1493,depressed,"I feel guilty, like shit, etc",speaker,1,"I find myself having to write an essay about how awesome nursing is so that I can get into a nurse practitioner program, I feel really guilty writing it because I use to be in med school and looked down on nursing as ""lesser"" because it's not as rigorous as med school. Also I failed at almost everything in life, failed out of med school, failed as a teacher, I don't know, ",-0.7952,negative,ashamed 1493,depressed,"I feel guilty, like shit, etc",listener_1,2,Doctors will be replaced by robot AIs sooner than nurses. My best friend is a visiting hospice nurse and she isn't going to be replaced by a machine any time soon - unlike many GPs and diagnosticians. There's a theme for an essay. Also check out r/nursing. There's some cool people in nursing - some of the best I've met in life. ,0.9313,positive,impressed 1493,depressed,"I feel guilty, like shit, etc",listener_2,3,"About your music goals: Do you want to work as a musician or be a superstar? I was trying to be famous but then realized I didn't have all the pieces together. I still practice acoustic fingerstyle blues as a hobby. I have a fine arts degree but eventually I said to myself ""I hate art...I just wanted to be adored by masses of strangers"". I got down to my base self and let go of ""futures"" which were just manic fantasies. You yourself may have more commitment/passion, or willingness to do the grind of name-building, but it's also ok to give up.",0.7046,positive,content 1493,depressed,"I feel guilty, like shit, etc",listener_3,4,"Working musician - I'm really not interested in stardom, except to the extent you need to be to make enough money to pay the bills. To be honest, I was feeling kind of bad when I wrote that the other day, and was hoping the OP would sort of use giving me some advice as a way to reflect more positively (sometimes this helps me, anyway). I'm actually doing ok musically, I have a decent number of students, and am regarded positively locally and stuff, it's not all bad or anything. I guess I just have to readjust my expectations. It's not the fame though, I just wish I had more strength as a writer/composer. You know, I listen to stuff like Rachmaninov or Frank zappa or Brian Wilson and just wish I could make something as beautiful. But for the most part I could care less if anybody hears it (not completely, but really I just want to be as good as I can, and sometimes despair at my rate of progress). It's not even a competitive thing either, just I hear some really cool stuff and wish I had more resources and could pull off more things. Does that make sense? ",0.9849,positive,disappointed 1493,depressed,"I feel guilty, like shit, etc",listener_2,5,"Ya mon...sounds very sensible. Rachmaninov's ""Isle of the Dead"" is a great piece of music IMO.",-0.0516,negative,agreeing 1494,depressed,Something needs to change,speaker,1,"I am a 25 year old guy who mainly uses the dating app Bumble to meet new women. What typically happens is I match with a woman, we hit it off. Talk for two days, I ask her if she wants to go out and she agrees. A day before I tend to message explaining how I'm a good guy and they seemingly are just coming out of a bad breakup an don't want me to be a rebound for them. And I'm just TIRED, and FRUSTRATED, and DEPRESSED and I can't keep putting myself out there. I'm just so fucking sick of it, and the worst part is I just keep putting myself through the ringer only to be let down over and over again. I need to die. Maybe just metaphorically but I need this version of myself that keeps getting rejected to die.",-0.974,negative,apprehensive 1494,depressed,Something needs to change,listener_1,2,"Honestly dude it sounds like you need to focus on yourself and making you happy on your own. Dating in this day and age is horrendous. It’s all online apps and heavy on hook ups. It’s portrayed as “weakness” to “catch feelings”. I’m sorry. The best way to meet someone is to try some new things like a hobby of some sort (glass blowing, painting, a sport) and go from there. Don’t equate your self worth to that of your romantic life. You are worth more than what some stranger thinks of you(or most likely just judges based on NOT without knowing you), especially on the internet. Chin up my dude. It will get better.",0.9595,positive,acknowledging 1494,depressed,Something needs to change,speaker,3,"I really needed to hear that my man. I don't think I'm equating my romantic life to my self worth, or maybe I am and I just don't know it at this point. I'm just lonely. And the amount of times this has happened just really got to me with this last woman cause I'm a nerd and she talked Lord of the Rings and Avengers. That's my bread and butter. But I'll follow your advice, and ""chin up"".",-0.0129,neutral,lonely 1494,depressed,Something needs to change,speaker,4,"I’m looking for a relationship, though. Lol Still props if it works for you. ",0.4215,positive,neutral 1495,depressed,Lonely,speaker,1,I’m starting to feel lonely. I hate it.,-0.7351,negative,lonely 1495,depressed,Lonely,listener_1,2,"I know how it feels, it’s such an painful feeling, I just wish someone could hold me tight and make me feel safe again. I hate feeling lonely. ",-0.3612,negative,lonely 1495,depressed,Lonely,speaker,3,I know like i dont have anyone to tell my thoughts or my feelings? My cat died and im looking for someone to talk or cry to but i dont have anyone. It’s really sad. ,-0.8014,negative,lonely 1495,depressed,Lonely,listener_1,4,"I’m sorry to hear about that, that must have crushed you. Just remember that’s it’s okay to cry, let it al ml out, don’t list it in like I did ",-0.4215,negative,sympathizing 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,speaker,1,"Ehhh. I feel so fucking empty... seriously. It's hella impossible to fill this void I have in my tummy. I don't feel as depressed as I did previously, I just feel nothing! I try to turn to music, anime and gaming, and they didn't help much. Talking to my small group of friends sort of did help me a bit, so I'm trying to do more of that. But I still can't find out why I'm so devoid of emotion. I've came to the point where I just gave up on caring? Why do I even have to live? I'm a waste of every single resource I come by. Why the hell did some useless fuck like me have to be created? I had several breakdowns before and after my period. It's that kind of breakdown where it just happens without notice and when anything and everything can trigger you at the slightest touch. And then for one moment I tried to develop a crush on someone (or something) but it was only the infatuation that was thrilling and nothing else lasted. It's so funny because I liked him so much when I first met him but since I got to know him everything just felt boring and stupid again. Every person that I like tends to lack in maturity and I hate it. I want to say that I hate everything, but I don't. I don't even know if I hate myself. Well.. I went to the psychiatrist and got meds and shit, but I still feel the same. I know medication won't do much. Eh. I don't even feel like trying anymore ._. I just wanna sleep forever =_= I dunno what kind of depressed person I am but I'm definitely more of the ""I hope I'm lucky enough to get run down by a tractor one day"" kind of person. Ughhh it's horrible because my best friend is trying so hard for me but I jUST CAN'T FEEL ANYTHING fuuuuuckkk ",-0.946,negative,lonely 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,listener_1,2,"Volunteer somewhere, help other people. Become useful by giving back",0.7906,positive,caring 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,speaker,3,Thank you for the advice and encouragement. I'll be trying my best to do that ><,0.8591,positive,faithful 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,speaker,4,"Good luck my friend, hope we can finally get through this stupid feeling!!!",0.8547,positive,consoling 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,listener_2,5,Or become deceased. ,0.0,neutral,sad 1496,depressed,Empty as hell,speaker,6,"Haha, or that, yes. When will the ceiling fan suddenly stop, blast downwards onto my head and kill me instantly ;-;",0.0258,neutral,terrified 1497,depressed,I'm tired,speaker,1,"I just want to create something to get this off my chest. I have somewhat of a close friend but I can't just keep contacting her wherever I need. Sorry if my English is bad, it's not my first language. I've been struggling with my body image for 6 years. I'm 167cm and 65kg (I've gained 2 kg because of binge eating in the recent month). I've tried some fast diets to fix my weight, which didn't success and only lead to me having stomach problems and gained even more weight. In the recent month, I feel like I'm going crazy. I never think that I have depression or anxiety, because I never checked. My family would think that I'm crazy if I say that I'm mentally unhealthy. For the last month, I'm having internship at a hotel. I'm 19, so the internship only takes 3 weekend days per week. But the workload at school is killing me. I can never leave my mind empty, because there are always works to do, and I don't have any day off. Working in the hotel is not really helping either. After 9 hours of constantly walking with no water or time to go to the bathroom, my body just shutdown wherever I'm home. Every time I talked with someone there, they always said that they are unhappy. That I should have choose something else. I'm doubting myself and my choice to study this degree. Eating have never been so difficult. Never in my life have I been in a place where people judge my looks so bad. When I was trying on the uniform, 2 women was talking very loudly from the end of the room: - 1: Oh my gosh, look at her legs - 2: You know, maybe her body is better than us. We are so skinny. She's fuller so she definitely healthier. ( Which made me happier for a bit) -1: Oh honey, just wait until she gives birth. She will look like a bucket in no time (which made me felt like I just went through hell) I'm now in a continuous cycle of binge, guilt and binge. I used to be able to control my diet. But now I'm scared. After work, I always eat a large amount, than trying to go on back to normal meals tomorrow. Every time I have a meal, It's like there is a voice in my mind yelling at me for not skipping this meal because of my binge yesterday. For not choosing good and better food... I don't spend much time with my family anymore. I always do the housework, but now I just want to shut myself in the room. When I got home after work today, my mom told me to go cook dinner. Because my older brother fallen sick yesterday, she thought it was normal for me to help her. When I told her no, she looked disgusted. When I stumbled over the chair, she told me that I'm a good for nothing, that she feel sick because I cause her headache. Her disappointed is a norm for me nowadays. And I always feel worse every time I see it. Like I'm the absolute trash that can never do something right. As I've said, i never thought that I have depression. I tried to jokingly said that I have depression once before, and my family didn't take it kindly so I never mention it again. But now I'm doubting myself. Each day go by and I just feel more and more tired. That I just want to pause time and stop everything. There are days I work my ass off, and there are days I lock myself at home and just turn on the tv to pass time. Then the next day I'll pick myself up and blame myself for being useless, for not doing something useful, and promise that I'll never do that again. And I'll continue to feel tired, then I'll lock myself in again. I can't tell my family about my mental health either, because they'd respond to it very negatively. The cycle is happening more often recently, to the point that I'm scared someday I won't be able to pick myself up again. That I'll never be able to feel like I'm doing something right again. I'm scared and at the same time tired. Thank you for having this long post. It's nothing special. Just a rant. But for whatever it's worth, at least I feel like I was able to get this off my chest for the time being. The best thing I can hope for is that we can all do better. That someday we can truly find the happiness that we are seeking.",-0.998,negative,ashamed 1497,depressed,I'm tired,listener_1,2,"Dear, please don't listen to toxic people. If someone tells you something in a rude manner, there's no need to listen. I am 169cm and just forcefully chewed my way up to 62 kg because I have a fast metabolism. Your weight is just fine and I want to let you know there are others who are fighting for the body you so don't feel insecure. Feel hugged and loved and beautiful ❤️",0.908,positive,caring 1497,depressed,I'm tired,speaker,3,Thank you so much. Sometimes I really feel like I'm struggling alone because I have nobody to rely on. Your words gave me some courage to move on. I hope good things would come in your way.,0.8583,positive,grateful 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,1,"Lol ok I'm trash at starting this it has taken me like 3 attempts but I'm just gonna keep it kinda short cos no of y'all care. So my dad tried to kill himself a few weeks back and then like 2 weeks later his brother actually killed himself, the worst part for me was walking in and seeing my dad crying not even 2 minutes after his failed suicide attempt he couldn't even talk to me, his mum had witnessed it all luckly she was there to save him. Oh and that same week as my dad's failed attempt my other uncle on my mum's side died a slow and painful death, his body started shutting down and eventually just stoped. That had been going on for a while so my family was sorta ready for it but yet you can never be ready for something like that Ah lol I also forgot to mention that I don't exactly fit in due the fact that I'm ginger and have dyslexia, so I baso got bullied from before I can remember. When I was 9 is when it became physical up untill 14/15(I left school at 15) I had friends but they were nerds and Oh was a sports kid like I wasn't smart like them and I didn't even fit into that group untill I started smoking weed(I have done other drugs but I don't want to glorify them or give anyone a reason to try them because they fuck your life up), I had a good last 2 years apart my college life where I once brought a flip knife to a lesson because I was scared of someone who I had a physical altercation with (thank spell check for that). But yeah like my last 2 years have been ok then I stopped smoking and just got hella depressed again I'd say I haven't been like this since I was in school when I would ask my mum if I could dye my hair to fit in, or if I could get rid of my birth mark next to my eye, I didn't do any of these because my dad said if someone's billing you beat them up. I ended up becoming the school punching bag for 2 years till my hight kicked in. the order of this is all fucked I'm sorry not like anyone is reading this far. anyone on the the present day I'm now a toxic cunt who is rapidly losing friends. I have stuck with my friends through a lot. I've even stuck with one friend through a eating disorder and multiple suicide attempts. But now when I need them the most they are abandoning me. I'm trying while typing this and don't really want to talk about this subject. lol soz for not giving the juice shit. This is where my shit turns round but I'm still carrying a lot of demons. So I met a girl. (I'm a straight/possibly bi guy idk really know yet) and she's amazing we've been on a date it lasted for like 4 hours and it's been the highlight of my year. Later that day I relapsed and did some coke. Anyway I do really like this girl she's practically prefect but I feel like I'm not good enough and with my demons aka depression I just don't feel like I can do a relationship simple because it won't be fair on her. I'm a 19 year old male she shouldn't have to look after me. A lot has gone on that I don't want to talk about like at all ever even when people don't know who I am. Yeah so I think I'm going to end it soon I'm just waiting for this girl to hate me like everyone else in my life so I don't break her and make her feel a similar way to me because I don't want that. If I don't comment on this in like 2 weeks time I'm dead if I do I've been talked out of it Life's short, I'm going to make mine even shorter. ",-0.9978,negative,sentimental 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,listener_1,2,"I wish I could say something wonderful and inspirational to help you. All I can say is don't let depression win. People care, you are worth it. Break the chain and don't let depression win. Keep on keeping on stranger, don't let the bastards get you.",0.9616,positive,hopeful 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,3,Shit man the fact that you commented so quick makes me feel abit better. I just thought people would see how long the post is and fuck it off. Thank you stranger!,-0.4574,negative,acknowledging 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,4,"Honestly I'm not that smart I just worked harder as a kid to try and fit in, I had to pretend not to be dyslexic because I was embarrassed. You're right I do hate myself, and I don't think I can achieve happiness it just seems like 1 thing that wasn't truly ment for me ",0.0864,positive,ashamed 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,listener_1,5,"Glad I could help even a little, sucks to feel that way. Just wanted you to know someone was listening, even if I couldn't really help much. ",0.2543,positive,sympathizing 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,6,"Honestly you just taking the time out of your day to read this amazes me, I'm trying to stay away from drugs but I've grown up around them it's hard to stay away.",0.4166,positive,impressed 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,7,Thank you for taking the time to read this and then comment it means so much to me that people show an interest. I hope it goes well with this girl aswell ,0.8591,positive,encouraging 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,8,I can say that I'm loving life atm ,0.5994,positive,content 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,speaker,9,well not loving life I still hate the fuck out of myself but I'm doing better ,-0.0703,negative,neutral 1498,depressed,I'm just on some sadboi shit,listener_2,10,"It could get better but, it could get worse it all depends on what you do, you could: a) hate the fuck out of yourself until you just lie in bed and eventually starve, or b) do things that you know your good at so you will realise that maybe your not such a piece of shit after all (or you could try new things if your not good at literally anything). I highly recommend picking b over a",-0.9602,negative,consoling 1499,depressed,Letdown,speaker,1,"Hi everyone. Don't know where to start or if this is the correct place, so here goze. I live in public aid/ section8 housing in a small town called Delavan, WI. I live alone and have high functioning Aspergers, physically disabled and memory problems due to botched surgery which caused sepsis, severe nerve damage/memory issues from 109f+body temp and coma for 3 months. No fam like most of the people here. A lot of elderly too. Last year around this time I ordered free Thanksgiving dinner from local charity. Came at noon and was like TV dinner quality. Sad. Not knocking free meal but not Thanksgiving. turkey in fridge from sale so decided to make it and invite others 4 showed up and we had fun. Year passes... Last month i ran into Andy-sweet, ""simple"" guy from last years Thanksgiving and all around helpful guy. he asks if I'm doing Thanksgiving again. Thinks to myself, ""no. "" but can't picture Andy alone eating sad meal, so yes. also invite others from last year. On local Facebook group mention that anyone alone/sad is welcome. Los applaud idea and offer to donate food, money, etc. I start inviting lots of people and get 20 definite RSVPs 12 floating invites. Some people mention free meal from last year wonder why not just do that beggars can't be choosers, right? Try to explain Thanksgiving is more than a meal, instead of sitting alone eating cheap TV dinner alone i want a family style get together like when i was kid. My itinerary Sign in / guest book Drinks, snacks light music/ TV Chat catch up Eat. TV/digest food while cleaning Dessert + games/TV Presents and group pictures Sign thank you card Distribute leftovers Hugs, well wishes, Christmas plans? Have midnight turkey sandwich I want to provide more than just food, but entertainment and companionship. Will decorate, maybe project movie, keroke, games like pictionary, leftovers to take home (remember, poor, elderly and disabled- not God cooks) and a little gift card for Wal-Mart or grocery store to get a little something. $200 will cover the basics, I'll do all the cooking/ clean and get deals at store maybe for coupon with gift card? 5 days until Thanksgiving. I've dedicated about $200 of my money to event, start asking people who offered for their contribution. Only 2 responded out of like 20. Got 3 people donating $80 out of $200. I've spent money i need for food, medication, bills expecting I'd get it back. I'm in the same boat living in ""poverty"" on disability. I'm not rich. Start a GoFundMe they say, I'll donate they say... Leave me hanging they do. I am normally cynical and anti-social but wanted to try and believe in humanity. Exercise in faith: failure. Not really mad, but depressed and sad. I'm doing it no matter what, even if I don't get meds, past due bills, etc. I'll have plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers maybe? Give to them first. I'm an adult. 44 year old man who is well adjusted, high functioning and have learned to pass for normal, buy I've been withdrawing, stimming, etc, haven't done this in decade since wife left. I need to get out of this funk, i got five days until i need to give my all for others, i can't allow myself to break down. I've given into having bouts of uncontrollable crying. I feel stupid, I should know better than to trust humans but I ducked up. I have a responsibility however and will do what i promised to the best of my ability. I don't want to bring this up with the group in fear of alienating those who have promised and might just be waiting or are delayed. I also don't want the people who have donated to pull their donation out feel obligated too do more. I'm afraid that if I say something it might put off others from helping. Anyone got advice or just words to cheer me up? I'm sorry that this isn't technically depression. I don't know how to define things i feel sometimes. ",0.9954,positive,lonely 1499,depressed,Letdown,listener_1,2,"What you are doing it admirable but I think you might be trying too hard to stuff a lot into that time. I don't know what to tell you about getting the money, but you can cut out giving presents. And ask anyone who is showing up who you know is capable of affording it to bring a dish. Make it potluck style and you can provide just the turkey. Just keep in mind that this is just about companionship and spending time with others. Don't think of yourself as a party host that needs to organize all these activities and provide the entire meal. That's a lot of stress and a lot of money. ",0.6597,positive,suggesting 1499,depressed,Letdown,speaker,3,"That was my original intention, except for the potluck, because my building is low income section8 most are elderly, disabled and all are poor. They can't cook or afford it. I can cook and save enough i can afford food. When I posted it, a bunch of people told me that I should open a GoFundMe and they'd donate after I told them my ideas. I started buying stuff with my own money expecting domains to cover it by these people who promised donations. They didn't donate and don't answer the pm's. But I'm not blaming them. I should have known better than to trust humans, and while i'm gonna be out my medications, food for the rest of the month and I'll be postponing bills, i don't mind. I'm just ranting here. I know that the presents are a bit much, but I wanted to give people a true gift. All charities and no offense, most people like you give to people expecting them to be grateful for whatever they are given and i wanted to spoil them for a day and let them have the ability to get whatever they want. There's already a free Thanksgiving day meal that's delivered here for free. It is terrible. I know that as s poor person, you and the charities expect us to force a smile and be grateful for whatever we're given, but that's exactly the opposite of what I am doing. Most of the time I'm grateful for whatever I get, but I'm shocked and disappointed in people who have the attitude that poor people should be thankful for whatever castoffs are given. Charity has gone from treating people as equals to giving them whatever cans are left in the back of your pantry and God forbid that they dare to rise above their station. I grew up poor, even lived for a while in a battered women's shelter with my mom in a bad neighborhood where i tested so much higher than the other students that I was in 7thand 8th grade classes instead of 4th grade and was beaten because of my skin color. We got a lot from charities and I never felt ""poor"" Sure, i didn't get everything i wanted, but we got name brand foods and things nowadays that would be called frivolous. I grew up and was making 6 figures out of college and gave money to charities, knowing what they did for me. I almost died and now I'm on disability and get charity. I rarely get anything that's not generic, generic. I'm talking the discount brand generic, not like the regular generic. That's like name brand. And i know it's all made on the same lines, but there are major differences in quality. Like a bag of French fries, its packed by the same machines, but the name brand is filled with the longest, biggest cuts, the generic gets half sized end pieces. I am thankful that I get what I do, but for Thanksgiving, i want to give something that people would be truly thankful for, even if it means suffering because sometimes people deserve to be spoiled and everyone i signed up for this has thanked me for my thoughtful idea and told me that they used to get this treatment all the time but now they never see it. The state of charity is sad. I hate government giving it's mismanaged and it gives less. When we as individuals take care of each other we do it much better than the government, but so many people think that the government does enough. It doesn't, and I'm not saying that because I want more from the government, because I don't. I want a personal touch without the religious sermon. And I in no way mean you any disrespect but am just venting. Happy Thanksgiving In love and friendship, Billy Maxwell ",0.998,positive,hopeful 1499,depressed,Letdown,speaker,4,"Thanks for the good vibes, I really appreciate them, that's all I really need right now. I am poor so I understand your predicament. I do have a GoFundMe, but I don't want to post it here, one, there's rules against it I'm sure and 2 I believe that the best charity should be local and I only want enough to do this dinner. Although if there's a miracle I'd like to help make a Christmas event and do weekly meals and game nights. This place is like one step above a nursing home and it used to do a lot more for us residents. I hear stories from the older residents about how they had weekly meals, bingo games, etc, until the government became more involved. Regulations and corporate charity made free meals disappear. I was warned that charities don't like what I'm doing because they lose money the more people help themselves. They could inspect my kitchen for code violations and pour bleach on my food (an anonymous person""warned me"" by linking that story). Bad things can happen if I help too many or get lots of donations Or so I've been omniously given in annonymoue advice. I guess that means no homemade turkey and just the cheapest meals possible to make more profit. Thanks again for the vibes. I really can use them. I'm feeling pretty down ",0.9927,positive,caring 1499,depressed,Letdown,listener_1,5,">I know that as s poor person, you and the charities expect us to force a smile and be grateful for whatever we're given Don't assume anything about me. I was trying to help *you* financially manage this day. I live in Milwaukee and if you were closer, I could offer you more suggestions, but all I was doing was trying to help you manage this day better. You are allowed to vent. We all need to do that at times. Just please do not aim it at someone specific who took the time to answer you and did not in any way imply what you just accused me of. ",0.9042,positive,trusting 1499,depressed,Letdown,speaker,6,Reread my message. I meant nothing personal towards you. I apologize for that. ,0.1027,positive,sympathizing 1500,depressed,I just want to die,speaker,1,"I'm 30 and I've always hated myself. Whatever I tried I failed miserably. Everyone had such high hopes, but I've let everyone down. I flunked school, did every drug I came across, worked a dead-end job and hated every moment of it, because to me it was a big monument of everything I fucked up. Might be the reason they fired me after two years of working my ass off. Then, four years ago, I've met this girl and for the first time in my life I felt some kind of worth. I got a job i liked. Life seemed good. Of course I had to fuck that up, too. Over time we became more and more apart and one night I drunkenly confronted her and after that she left me. That was four months ago and every day since has been living hell. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't enjoy the things I once loved, I can't do anything except asking myself why I should carry on. I lost everything I held dear, I don't have close friends, I hate my father nearly as much as myself, my mother is a TV addicted zombie and the rest of my family have become like strangers to me. I lack the strength/discipline to do anything, because everything seems pointless. I'll start therapy in about 3 weeks, but I just got a piece of information I mustn't talk about and now I'm not sure if I make it til then. I don't know how to.",-0.993,negative,devastated 1500,depressed,I just want to die,listener_1,2,"I'm very sorry to hear about your situation. You've gone through tough things, but you have to remember that you are not a bad person, you are struggling, and that does not make you less valuable!! I'm sure in this community people are here for you. We believe in you and YOU CAN make it, don't you even think about hurting yourself!! Remember that you are a valuable human being, and a unique person. There are/will be people that love you! Just wanted to say, that please be compassionate towards yourself. People who aren't struggling themselves might not understand what you're going through. But you are not alone! Much love, respect yourself <3",0.9784,positive,caring 1500,depressed,I just want to die,speaker,3,"I may not be a bad person, but really don't see how I have any value left.",0.6155,positive,sad 1500,depressed,I just want to die,speaker,4,"I'm not starving myself on purpose. I simply can't eat, just thinking about it makes me wanna throw up.",0.3252,positive,ashamed 1500,depressed,I just want to die,speaker,5,"But you don't know me? Thank you, though.",-0.395,negative,sympathizing 1500,depressed,I just want to die,speaker,6,"I don't know. I can't cope with being alone at home, I'm afraid being alone in another country might break me even more.",-0.4588,negative,afraid 1500,depressed,I just want to die,listener_2,7,"Hmm that’s a valid fear for sure. You might compromise by planning a mini holiday in another state, or if you do go to another country make it one of those very organized and controlled sightseeing trips that only last a few days. Cheer up. You’re awesome. Hugs.",0.9081,positive,acknowledging 1500,depressed,I just want to die,listener_1,8,Sorry to hear :( Maybe try to get some nutridrinks/boost drinks from the pharmacy or regular shops? They've helped me when I was so low I couldn't eat.,-0.7133,negative,suggesting 1500,depressed,I just want to die,listener_1,9,"You have value, trust me.",0.6908,positive,trusting 1501,depressed,What's the point if all we do is work and sleep?,speaker,1,"I don't even know if this is depression, sorry. Just thought I'd see if anyone else feels the same. I just don't see the point in living if all I do is work and sleep. Sure there are little bits of other things in between but overall the vast majority of life is just work and sleep. It's just, well, fucking boring. I feel so frustrated because there is so much I'd like to do in life, but I can't because I'm working or sleeping (or commuting, or studying things for work, or too tired from work). Maybe it's strange, but I'd just rather opt out of life. I'm not enjoying myself at all, so I don't want to do it anymore. I almost have the same feeling about it as if I were thinking about quitting a shitty job. ",-0.9665,negative,sad 1501,depressed,What's the point if all we do is work and sleep?,listener_1,2,"Same boat man, I guess it turns out I'm not alone. I have a plan, we work so hard we can be the first to Mars, that way we will never have to deal with others. Me and you, forever, and ever, AND EVER, AND EVER. (help)",0.3764,positive,faithful 1501,depressed,What's the point if all we do is work and sleep?,speaker,3,"Well, sleep I kind of have no choice about. And I do work so I'm not homeless, but also so I can fit in with society a bit more.",0.5567,positive,lonely 1502,depressed,I'm tired of getting hurt.,speaker,1,"I've been single all my life and I've never even been on a date, kissed anyone, or even held anyone's hand. Any time I get attracted to someone they always stabbing me in the back. No one ever asks about my problems or if I'm okay. I care about everyone else's problems but no one cares about mine. ",-0.4534,negative,lonely 1502,depressed,I'm tired of getting hurt.,listener_1,2,"Life sucks, if you need someone to talk, Im here for you",-0.3612,negative,caring 1502,depressed,I'm tired of getting hurt.,speaker,3,"They'll pretend to care about me, but once they get what they want or they're through with me, they cut off all communication and I'm left wondering what I did wrong. ",-0.6652,negative,sad 1502,depressed,I'm tired of getting hurt.,listener_2,4,Sex/dating relationship issues are not my strength; maybe stop focusing so much on it and build up other areas like work/school.,-0.3244,negative,suggesting 1503,depressed,i'm really tired,speaker,1,"i'm tired of the kind of life i'm living. there's nothing that i'm excited about. i'm not enjoying what i'm learning in school. i constantly feel alone. i feel like i'm not good enough. i'm tired of trying and not getting anywhere. i'm just done. i'm tired. i don't know where i'm supposed to be. i don't want to be alive if this is how i'm going to live my life for the next 5 years. it feels like i'm waiting for time to pass. i'm so sick of not being happy. i'm sick of always thinking i'm not good enough. i'm sick of thinking that people will keep leaving me. i'm so sick and tired of everything. i know that people have it worse than me, but i'm tired of being alive. i feel unfulfilled. i want to have that feeling back that there's something to be excited about. ",-0.9552,negative,lonely 1503,depressed,i'm really tired,listener_1,2,> i want to have that feeling back that there's something to be excited about. Atleast you have a healthy desire.,0.8225,positive,neutral 1503,depressed,i'm really tired,speaker,3,"> Friends and family will come and go, but until you can learn to enjoy your own company you will always carry around a prison cell of misery for yourself. i had the same problem when i was younger. i wasn't comfortable in my own company. i think i need to learn this first before having anyone in my life. ",-0.9053,negative,neutral 1503,depressed,i'm really tired,listener_2,4,"Listen to some Alan Watts videos on youtube, they helped me a lot",0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1504,depressed,I can’t stop swallowing when reading.,speaker,1,"this is really driving me insane and it’s really fucking humiliating.. everytime i read in front of my class i swallow like every fucking three seconds... It got so bad and humiliating today that i just wanna do anything else than school. before i read i just focus on the text i’m gonna read and i practise in my head, but when it comes to reading i feel like my voice gets really loud and then i just can’t stop swallowing. It’s so humiliating and it makes me look completely retarded... i’m literally dreading for tomorrow...i don’t want to go.",-0.9617,negative,embarrassed 1504,depressed,I can’t stop swallowing when reading.,listener_1,2,"Social anxiety, try imagining the audience naked...screw that advice, try pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth when you know you are getting called up ",-0.1779,negative,apprehensive 1504,depressed,I can’t stop swallowing when reading.,speaker,3,how is that gonna help? 😂,0.6808,positive,questioning 1504,depressed,I can’t stop swallowing when reading.,listener_1,4,It causes your mouth to quit producing saliva sometimes,0.0,neutral,disappointed 1504,depressed,I can’t stop swallowing when reading.,speaker,5,"Aa ok, yea i’ll try.",0.0,neutral,consoling 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",speaker,1,People don't give a shit about you.. be selfish.. put yourself first! ,-0.12,negative,neutral 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",listener_1,2,"That’s just shit they say to make themselves feel better. It’s not for your benefit, not really. No ones ever come to my house at 1 am and held me while I cry. And that’s okay. Because at least they care that much. “And when they’ve given you their all, some stagger and fall after all it’s not easy, banging your heart out against some mad buggers wall” In the end there’s only a hand full of people in life you can ever really lean on. It’s sad but it’s true. Take that truth, learn from it. Use it. Allow it to make you stronger. Let it crush you. But whatever you do, accept it. Once you have accepted a thing you can start to be okay with it. One day at a time. Sometimes you’re just not ready and it just sucks. For me, I’m still waiting to find one person willing to hold me and just let me cry. ",0.6052,positive,sad 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",speaker,3,Yes! You just gotta keep going.. better days ahead 🖤 ,0.8777,positive,hopeful 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",speaker,4,And that's why i feel like you should never rely on someone. You are the only one who can really make you happy.. no one else can. ,0.6444,positive,trusting 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",listener_2,5,"ita ao fucking weird. I met this girl, and I barely knew what she looked like bc we met online and we started snapchatting and I would tell her about my day and I started going to all my classes, eating a healthy amount, doing my work. then she ""ghosts"" me and I fall back into the pit I was in before so at this point I know I can crawl out to a degree (i was still depressed but functioning much better) but I dont. I put ghost in quotes bc she added me back, said her dad forced her to delete her account and I kind of accepted that after a couple questions and then started talking a lot and then it happened again but ahe didnt add me back for like 2 weeks so Im learning not to rely on others bc when they are gone life is shit. also its prb weird from her end if she adds me 2 weeks later and I start messaging her all the time. I havent talked to her at all... i started ranting sorry, but yea. Im conflicted but you are right, even if other people help, its temporary and if you are dependant and its not added support, thats bad",-0.6985,negative,neutral 1505,depressed,"They say ""you're not alone"" but leave you on ""read""",listener_3,6,"Nice one. Following your own philosophy to the fullest. I first read this as forgetting to switch accounts, but then I realized.",0.2263,positive,acknowledging 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,speaker,1,"My ex just messaged and said she never wants to talk again. We broke up last month but we tried to be best friends because we still cared about each other but that was too hard for either of us. The worst part is, we broke up because of me. I ruined everything because I have anger issues and said a lot of stupid hurtful things I didn't mean, multiple times. It's hard not to hate myself. Me and her had such a special relationship for over a year but it all came crashing down painfully and too soon all because of me and my issues. Now I have lost the woman I love forever. I feel so sick to my stomach and hopeless. Damn it. She was the one thing that made me feel like waking up in the morning. I miss her more than anything...I miss being happy too...",-0.967,negative,ashamed 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,listener_1,2,Been through this.. thought i will never get better but it did..time heals everything. Look at your life like a train.. people get in and once they reach their destination they get out! No one really stays. Learn to love yourself first.. don't rely on someone.. you are the only one who can really make you happy. Hope you get better soon!,0.9699,positive,consoling 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,speaker,3,"That's how i'm starting to feel. I've cried for so long about, I've gotten so mad about it, and now everything just feels so numb. I just wish I turn back time.",-0.7982,negative,sad 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,speaker,4,"It's hard to love myself after I hurt her. I hope I get better soon too, I feel like my whole world is flipped upside down and it's all my fault.",0.7184,positive,sad 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,speaker,5,I'm sorry you are going through the same thing. I hope things work out okay.,0.5423,positive,sympathizing 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,listener_2,6,"You too, our hearts are no doubt broken. some things I found today that lifted me a little bit. It may bring out some emotions just a warning. But we just need to take this one day at a time. : https://youtu.be/fvGw8tnDQkw https://youtu.be/k0GQSJrpVhM Ps: I also said some stupid shit out of anger and confusion, what gave me a little peacewas finding something she didn't block me on and saying hey, I'm sorry for the things I've said the past month, I have been really going through it and just know I have alot of love for you and hope you go on to be happy. Good luck man ",0.903,positive,ashamed 1506,depressed,Hard to keep going.,speaker,7,"Thank you for the videos, man. It's hell going through things like this, it really is. We'll make it through it though. Good luck to you too bro. ",0.6486,positive,wishing 1506,depressed,My story,listener_3,1,"Hi beautiful people :). My name is Dee. I just turned 22 years old. And I think I suffer from depression. Ever since I was 14, I have believed I've been depressed. I was bullied a lot my Freshmen year of high school, so I had lots and lots of self esteem issues back then. I would self harm and I would constantly feel as though no one loved or cared about me. Eventually I overcame what I was feeling and was a happy teenager for the most part until my Freshmen year in college. At first I had some really great friends, I loved college, I was happy and I for once felt truly appreciated and valued. It was honestly a feeling that I could never describe because it felt so surreal. Usually, you hear stories of people being lonely and homesick their first year in college but I was the opposite. Everything was even better than I expected. However during my second semester, I was in a domestic violence situation. On a drunken night, the guy I was seeing and I got into an argument and long story short, I ended up with a broken arm. That changed me. I dropped out of sorority recruitment while all my friends were a day away from bid day. This kid who broke my arm got expelled. and I was being bombarded with phone calls and emails from lawyers, the school, and counsellors. That was the hardest year of my life. Most of my friends completely ditched, and blamed me for what happened. I felt extremely lonely and depressed. I wanted to end my life multiple times and did try twice but that put me in a correctional facility. My parents came down to visit and made sure I was okay, however they really didnt and still dont till this day understand my condition and continued to tell me to get over it. dont get me wrong, I love them to death and they support me in every way, however they cannot for god's sake comprehend depression and how it works. anyways, fast forward to now. 3 years later. I am a senior in college, and I dont want to sound like a miserable loser, but I have not gotten any better. I decided to stay with the asshole 2 more years after he broke my arm, but he abused me a few more times and cheated on me over 10 times. 10 times. im not exaggerating. That completely destroyed my self esteem. ever since the first incident, I was never the same again. I actually have very few friends, and currently I have these strong suicidal feelings that wont seem to go away. I am currently studying abroad right now, and I have started to feel even more lonely. I honestly do not have friends abroad, I am always alone, and I feel like I dont care about anything. It’s just been this way for so long ever since freshmen yr when all that stuff happened. It changed me into a person I don’t even recognize and I hate myself and I want to be how I was again. I was funny, likable and nice. Now I am bitter, and almost evil. I was so upset that each time my ex cheated on me, I would go after those other girls and bully them. I dont even know why. I feel awful about it, but it was like they were better than me. And I felt completely defeated. I feel like i eat too much, I never wanna leave my bed or room, I am sad always, I don’t want to meet anyone or have no interest in talking to others even friends. I am lazy, I don’t care about anything, I'm always inside my own head and feel disconnected with the world. I get irritated easily, I I never feel “in the moment”, and I feel as though there is no quality in my close relationships. I honestly feel like a burden to everyone else..I feel like no one wants to know me, I feel invisible to the world. I have never been diagnosed by a professional because my parents do not believe in mental disabilities. They think it has to do with your mindset and how you think. But I honestly do not want to keep on living like this. its been 4 years and I have been miserable. Any advice? &#x200B; Thanks for listening. I know it was super long. I really appreciate any comments :)",-0.9909,negative,lonely 1506,depressed,My story,listener_4,2,Your are old enough to seek therapy on your own. What your parents think doesn't matter as much as doing whatever it takes to make your life bearable and worth living ,0.2086,positive,proud 1506,depressed,My story,listener_4,3,Start with the therapy. That is the most important. ,0.2716,positive,suggesting 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,1,"There's nothing I can write here that hasn't already been said. Nobody gives a shit about us, we're apparently not worth finding a cure for and there's so many of us losers. What is the point then? There is none. You either persevere and suffer or die and possibly cause suffering if you have loved ones. There's no point to anything.",-0.9474,negative,angry 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,listener_1,2,I care about this issue. It is the main reason why I am working on my masters degree in psychology to help people like us. It’s important to me and I hope you realize there are people out there who do care about others. ,0.936,positive,caring 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,3,Also people do care about some people. But depressed losers like me stand alone time after time,-0.802,negative,lonely 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,4,Yeah psychologists are great but there are no are few biologists and chemists working on this. The people actually capable of finding cures for different forms of depression. And I wonder when you start working if you'll find the system to also care like you,0.7391,positive,neutral 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,5,"Dude preach man. Mods are utter garbage on reddit. They abuse their power for fun, it's ridiculous. ",-0.5267,negative,angry 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,6,"A little hyperbole is ok. I think we'll understand that there's a miniscule minority of people who care, but overall the statement still holds unattested",0.2732,positive,neutral 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,listener_1,7,I’m depressed myself. I get it. I completely understand ,-0.5106,negative,agreeing 1507,depressed,Lol who cares,speaker,8,"Day in, day out I observe people. And I can guarantee that nobody cares if you kill yourself. Two kids I knew in highschool committed suicide on different occasions. One week. One week and they were forgotten. Nobody mentioned them again. The only way out is suicide",-0.8885,negative,faithful 1508,depressed,Idk,speaker,1,"21 M Ive had depression (and anxiety) really bad for a couple years, on and off antidepressants/anti panic medicine. broke up with my girl of 4 years a few months ago, she just up and left after so much, i cant wrap my head around it still. it's driving me crazy, I just want to feel normal. I drive 3 hours to see my friends in another town and I feel numb with them, even my family I feel nothing but more sadness because of how they have everything going well in their life and always have really... I feel like people just look at me with pity knowing I have depression problems. in the town I live in I have absolutely no friends anymore, they all moved away. I don't even know why I'm posting this lol, I've been trying to get my college grades up and I've lost 10 pounds through dieting and I'm just trying to be healthier, I need to lose about 20 more to be lean again, my self image is so horrible that fitness feels like I HAVE to do it and if I don't I know I'll just waste away and spiral downwards.. it's just so hard being alone, I've always had close friends until a couple years ago, I keep telling myself I will meet people but I'm still alone. I guess I'm just looking for something inspirational, life feels like a sickness now... Idk this could be way more detailed but yeah",-0.907,negative,lonely 1508,depressed,Idk,speaker,2,"I'm only on 1mg Xanax per day at the moment medicine wise If that matters, the last time I felt happy was when I was thin and had a circle of very close friends (I had alot more female attention which was a plus)",0.8828,positive,joyful 1508,depressed,Idk,speaker,3,"Not as much as I should be but getting there! Recently spent a few days in Vegas which seemed to really help my perspective, however I just found out I got suspended for one semester at my college so I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that, I'll be up in that town w/o anyone and no school to focus on so I guess I'll work alot maybe? Thanks for checking in hope you're doing well 😊 appreciate it ",0.9649,positive,encouraging 1509,depressed,feel so defeated..,speaker,1,"I apologize in advance for any bad grammar.. Applied to 600 jobs in the past 5 months. Was applying since June, jobless since late August and I had 2 jobs! 1 job was toxic forcing me to leave and the other I was let go without notice. Both jobs were lost within the span of a month too. I've had both positions for 10 months and opted to finally get my own place 5 months in after making a comfortable amount of money.. Recently this past month I thought I might have finally lucked out with a decent paying position at a huge financing firm but the other candidate got it because he had 25 years seniority of experience due to being in his 40s (I'm 28). This is what they told me even after saying I excelled in all the interview stages. It infuriates me because I interviewed spent the whole month interviewing the entire fucking company and they pick the other guy. I needed the job, I did everything correctly and I was seriously crossing my fingers because I was basically assured I'd get the position. I thought I'd be alright by now.. I've had at least 16 fucken interviews and none of them panned out. I thought this would be it but nope. 5 months and nothing! My resume has been tuned down to the letter. I have 7 fucken references attesting to how good at what I do. I even have a computer science degree (Don't code though I've been applying for IT jobs since it's what I do mainly) which is supposed to pretty much guarantee me a high paying position. Interviewers love my resume, background and skill set but no it isn't good enough to get a decent paying position. Now I'm broke and can't afford next months rent. I've hustled, social engineered, sold almost all my shit, drove my shitty ass $600 car that keeps breaking down for Postmates, done unspeakable things for cash and had my bank account go into debt to just pay rent. I couldn't even pay the 6th month on time to get the free month of rent for breathing room because I've become late after losing my work. All I ever do now on a daily basis was apply and eat ramen to get by. Literally. It's driving me crazy and I feel like there is no end in sight. I can't save any money because it just goes into some lucrative bill I have to take care of or towards rent. Nothing is saved and it fuels my depression ten-folds. \- My credit is absolutely worthless. \- I broke my 3k car after I lost the first job because I was too cheap to fix the radiator and spent over 1k fixing the cheap ass $600 25 year old car that keeps breaking down with expired plates and 4 parking tickets. \- I have a slew of health issues including a weakened immune system, severe depression, months of intense sneezing/coughing and constant teeth pain from a failing crown. \- I keep fucking up my dates and can't afford to do anything. This kills any self-esteem that I have. \- No one ever calls to see how I'm doing. All I cared about was getting a decent paying job and being stable. I've never been out of work for so long like this and it's killing me from the inside. I feel like I fucked up all my interviews because I can't articulate a good sentence half the time and it doesn't give anyone confidence in that I can do the job if I can't speak right due to a undiagnosed mental/speech issue. But the one time luck out cohesively and get it together, it doesn't pan out. It starting to feel like I can't do anything correctly and I feel destroyed. I don't want to drive 2 hours for thanksgiving tomorrow/today with my family. Neither do I want to go to my friend's birthday this Sunday. I had hoped I'd get the good news today and celebrate all these nice events but it didn't happen because I was so sure I'd get it.. Now I just want to cry forever and curl up because I feel like such a failure and know that I'll go homeless soon because I don't know what else to do. All I ever do is nothing anyways and couldn't afford to do anything else anyways. This was it for me, I've pulled all the strings that I've had and I'm done, just done. :( &#x200B;",-0.994,negative,ashamed 1509,depressed,feel so defeated..,listener_1,2,Do you have any options for improving your immune system? General health? ,0.6553,positive,questioning 1509,depressed,feel so defeated..,speaker,3,Not without money.,0.0,neutral,grateful 1509,depressed,feel so defeated..,speaker,4,Didn't go. No one called or texted anyways.,0.2235,positive,lonely 1509,depressed,feel so defeated..,listener_1,5,Do what you can anyway.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1510,depressed,Don't know if i'm depressed or just a piece of shit,speaker,1,"So i'm a 20 year old male in his 2nd year of uni in the UK These past few weeks have probably been the worst of my life. I live in a flat with two of my mates. At night we always sit and watch TV go out drinking or other typical uni stuff. However this past month. I have lost all my motivation and life. I started not going into uni and just staying in my room. These past few days i haven't even been able to leave my bed. My flat mates just think i'm i'll or something. I think about suicide alot and just cant see what my future is. Thinking that it'll be easier just to end it. Not going to my uni lectures has now put me so far behind that i cant even imagine what it would be like going in now. I've fucked it up to much now and it's snowballed into this huge thing. I just don't know what to do. Who to reach out to. I just want it to end. Because i'm stuck in bed i feel like a lazy shit who deserves all of this. I recently met this girl who's mates with my mates girlfriend and we got along really well. I thought we clicked. She was making body contact and we spent the while weekend together. It was probably my happiest couple of day ever. but when i asked her out she said we should just be friends. I feel like this really didn't help my head space. (Don't worry i'm not an incel, don't blame her for not wanting to go out with some one like me) The worst part is that i'm pretty good at hiding these things and no body really knows that i feel this way. My parents live a 4 hour and £100 train ride away and whilst they love me, i'm not really sure if they would understand this whole mental health thing. I'm just at a loss as of what to do and don't see a way out of this all.",0.8859999999999999,positive,lonely 1510,depressed,Don't know if i'm depressed or just a piece of shit,listener_1,2,Do you think talking out your thoughts will help?,0.4019,positive,questioning 1510,depressed,Don't know if i'm depressed or just a piece of shit,speaker,3,I just don't know who to talk to. I feel like people will look at me differently if i tell them. I know it sounds silly but i'm embarrassed about it. ,-0.3506,negative,ashamed 1510,depressed,Don't know if i'm depressed or just a piece of shit,listener_1,4,Someone you can trust? It's helpful to express mental afflictions.,0.7269,positive,questioning 1511,depressed,I’m in big trouble,speaker,1,Wish me luck,0.6908,positive,wishing 1511,depressed,I’m in big trouble,listener_1,2,"Good luck, to all of us poor fuckers out here. ",-0.2732,negative,wishing 1511,depressed,I’m in big trouble,listener_2,3," @ [salsadoom](https://www.reddit.com/user/salsadoom) lol, i'll drink to that",0.4215,positive,neutral 1511,depressed,I’m in big trouble,speaker,4,Things were resolved passive-aggressively ,0.1779,positive,angry 1512,depressed,I have no more answers.,speaker,1,"Have you ever felt that numbness in your body? Like you feel limbless and emotionless. Your face feels like a slate of nothingness. Your head is spinning. You hear static in your ears. It won't go away. You just want to end it all but you have no balls to even try anything. You want to cry.. but your body is exhausted from it. You just want to sit in bed all day and never get up? . that is how I feel at this moment. I feel dreadfully dead. I feel like my soul left my body already. Like, I'm close to dying. I'm hurting so bad and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just some piece of shit on the internet right now. Wasting my time posting some dumb depressing thing, I look like I want attention but I'm just extremely lonely. I don't know what to do. ",-0.9918,negative,lonely 1512,depressed,I have no more answers.,listener_1,2,How long have you felt like this?,0.3612,positive,questioning 1512,depressed,I have no more answers.,speaker,3,Years honestly. But something happened recently and it hit me even harder. ,0.25,positive,devastated 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",speaker,1,"Something happened today, and it is bothering me, and I need to talk it out... You don't have to respond, but I just wanted to vent about what happened. For Thanksgiving today, I was supposed to go to my Fiancés parent's house first and then my family. Well, last minute, my Fiancé told me it was just his parents and grandfather. No other family would be able to make it. He told me to go on to my family's event. Showed up earlier than I thought (I thought it had started already, but it didn't). I have always felt like the outcast, and I felt that same old feeling today. No one cares to talk to me, and I could leave, and only my parents would notice. I try to join conversations, and people tend not to hear me, and someone then says what I said. Then they are praised, or people laugh at the joke... But something else happened today. I know my grandmother hates me, I expect it. What I do not expect is her telling most of my family how she is so disappointed in me before I got there. My Aunt, who sort of cares, actually let me know what she said. Worst thing? She didn't see it as bad. She said, ""Oh she just thought she wouldn't see you and was missing you."" Then someone nearby said, ""Oh yeah, you know how she is. She doesn't mean anything. She just worries and says it differently."" I feel ....stupid for getting upset over something I should expect. From someone who has ""burnt that bridge"" and I don't know why it still upsets me. My Fiancé told me it was because I knew I deserved better, especially from my own grandmother. It just still confuses me why she acts the way she does and what did I do to make her hate me so much?... What did I do to deserve this kind of treatment? Why do I always seem to be the outcast, when I try to be the nicest person?... I just don't understand... ",-0.9732,negative,disappointed 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",listener_1,2,"Family can suck, I know, but don't let this get the best of you. Sorry your fiance cancelled on you, dickish move, but there was probably more going on than we know. Just have a good Friday, talk with him if you need, but hey, in the end everything will turn out. ",0.775,positive,neutral 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",speaker,3,"Well, he knew that I wanted to see his family (that was supposed to come down) but since the other family canceled, he just told me to go help my family because I couldn't decide on still going to his family or go on to mine. I wanted to go to both but didn't want anyone mad at me. So he was letting me know his family wouldn't be mad. He really did that to help calm me down. ",0.9528,positive,trusting 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",listener_1,4,"Oh, I thought he ditched you, but I was wrong! That's good, at least try to plan for Christmas then! You can meet all his family and they will probably all love you! All the same, sorry your family isn't the nicest to you, but just know there's random online people willing to support you! Have a great day! Happy black Friday! 😂",0.9747,positive,wishing 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",speaker,5,"I have met them all before, we have been together for ...it will be 10 years in February. It just gets to me how my own grandmother treats me the way she does. Thank you for your comments and hope you have a great day as well. ",0.8909999999999999,positive,encouraging 1513,depressed,"Just need to vent...Do not have to respond, if you do not want too.",speaker,6,"Thank you. Her attitude changed after I said, at one point, that I did not want to go into art as a career. She made me start classes and get into it. Sure, I have talent and i like doing it (sometimes), but I have never ""loved"" it. I feel like she wanted me to go into art and since I did not, she was ""disappointed"" and kinda ""wrote me off."" ",0.7431,positive,impressed 1514,depressed,I've been thinking about suicide a lot today...,speaker,1,"Thanksgiving was fine but today...I feel like I'm sliding back into the deep parts of depression. Mauve it was the fact that I had to work today in what can only be described as the prolasped asshole area of Georgia. I've been trying to distract myself this whole shift from thinking about it. Tried some YouTube videos, lot of gone wild subreddits, some podcast. Didn't help. Keep thinking that there are two pistols at my folks house. It would have been easy. Everything would finally become quiet. I probably wouldn't have been able to do it. Not with them on the house. I do have a knife in the car tgough... It's weird that I'm kind of annoyed that I probably can't go through with it. I feel like I want to do it. There is this tiny grain of resistance that keeps telling to hang on. I know it can get better because I've been here before but I'm not seeing any signs that it will. I'm trying to take my own advice but I'm really struggling man. It's way harder than its ever been. I just want to make it through this. ",-0.6447,negative,sad 1514,depressed,I've been thinking about suicide a lot today...,listener_1,2,Cheer up. A lot can change in a year so stick around and try.,0.5106,positive,consoling 1514,depressed,I've been thinking about suicide a lot today...,listener_2,3,"I want you to do two things. Go back and read your comment about finding purpose and why it keeps you holding on. And I want you to start reading through other people's posts and leaving answers. You have said some good things in the past so right now take your feelings and try to focus them in helping out other people or at least offering camaraderie that you know how they feel. You are looking for distraction, find it in that right now. ",0.4767,positive,impressed 1514,depressed,I've been thinking about suicide a lot today...,listener_2,4,So you know you've gotten past it before. What has helped? Can you just sit at someone's house with them to watch a movie? Can you go to the gym? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1514,depressed,I've been thinking about suicide a lot today...,listener_1,5,"The key to success (whatever goal you want) is sustaining tiny, incremental changes. You don’t have to snap your fingers and makeover your life overnight because I can promise you, you will absolutely fail at that. But what you can do to sincerely help yourself feel better is to do three small things each day that you know take you a tiny step closer to the life you would be happy living. Three small things. Three very small things. Hang your hope on that, and hang in there. The only thing that is for sure in this world is everything changing with enough time.",0.978,positive,hopeful 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,speaker,1,I feel like I hurt too much always and what’s the point of prolonging this. I know things will never change for me. I’ve tried for past ten years and always skip back into a bad state. No one cares about me so it’s not like I have anything to live for ,-0.8874,negative,sad 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,listener_1,2,> When I went to Hawaii my asthma disappeared. I’m planning to move there. Saw that in your post history: have you been there?,-0.2263,negative,questioning 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,speaker,3,Indeed I have. Went alone.,-0.25,negative,lonely 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,listener_1,4,Relocating there is something to live for? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,speaker,5,I found out you have to be a social person who makes lots of friends to find a job there.. I probably couldn’t make it ,0.4767,positive,afraid 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,listener_1,6,Ugh...I shudder. I am reclusive myself with 'associations' instead of friends. I never learned how to get along with others without alcohol; always had drinking buddies and such. I stopped drinking about 10 years ago and my social life dried up.,0.29600000000000004,positive,lonely 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,speaker,7,Yeah I never learned how to get along with people really either. I don’t even believe in friends anymore. If you can do it with alcohol you probably can without no?,0.6486,positive,questioning 1515,depressed,Feel like I’m ready to go,listener_1,8,"> If you can do it with alcohol you probably can without no? Do you mean ""probably can't without""? I developed socially around party buddies, and when I stopped that lifestyle, I was unable to tolerate others -eventually to the point where face2face convos are difficult, and mostly useless. ",-0.594,negative,lonely 1516,depressed,I’ve Been Like This For Too Long,speaker,1,"For over a year now I have been suffering with symptoms of depression, although I have not been diagnosed, it’s highly likely I suffer from the mental illness. It’s just that tasks seem so massive and I get overwhelmed. I overthink every social situation incredibly. Most days I just hate the way I am, I feel like I’m crawling in my own skin. I’m not gonna lie I’ve never felt suicidal until recently. August was when I first had these thoughts, but they weren’t intense. Over the last month or two thoughts of self-harm and suicide are becoming more regular. I’ve just started to hate myself a lot more and it’s horrible, the change from secondary school to college has got me feeling lower than ever. Last week I had the Friday off and on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I had serious intentions of ending my life, it was the worst I had ever been. As the week went on I started to feel better and as a result I didn’t kill myself, but I still thought about it. I need help, I know this, but I just feel so alone. I don’t know who to talk to. I don’t know who I can trust. If I’m not careful this will happen again but I won’t be so lucky. I just wish these stupid fucking thoughts would go.",-0.9816,negative,afraid 1516,depressed,I’ve Been Like This For Too Long,listener_1,2,"Sad to hear you're feeling like that. Firstly, have to told anyone? A friend, a family member? My best friend is going through the exact same thing and she told me what was going on. And other friends too. She has to do the battling alone with seeing a therapist and taking meds but we support in any way we can. My first advice to you would be to share you story (which you've already done online) with a friend at home. Some you can trust. After that, seek professional help. Talking with someone who can share his/her objective and professional opinion/guidance can help you a long way. Secondly, don't feel ashamed you feel this way. Being depressed is al about negativity. It's okay to feel shit, or sad or worthless. Don't feel ashamed about that. It will only make things worse. But do look to the future. Try to create a new mindset that will help get you better/more stable. Whether that's talking to loved ones about your situation, asking people for help, being able to get out of bed in the morning, going to a therapist, taking prescripted meds, basically anything that's how you want to feel right now and in the future. Good luck to you buddy! ",0.9895,positive,trusting 1516,depressed,I’ve Been Like This For Too Long,speaker,3,"No, no one knows. I can't bring myself to do it.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,speaker,1,"but I'll just be selfish if I kill myself and hurt others, like I always do. but I find myself thinking about killing myself at least 10 times a day, in every scenario. ",-0.9688,negative,neutral 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,listener_1,2,"I hope you’re okay. I know it doesn’t feel okay right now, but things do get better. And I know that’s so cliche to say. But I have been where you are, and I know it gets better. Just don’t give up ",0.8898,positive,consoling 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,speaker,3,"thank you, I'll try my best ",0.7717,positive,wishing 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,speaker,4,"I don't want anybody to feel sorry because it makes me feel vulnerable, so don't worry. I don't have an specific thing, there are so many things going on for the past years, I feel this huge weight on my back and many thoughts who just follow me everywhere. ",0.4381,positive,sentimental 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,speaker,5,I'll try my best ,0.6369,positive,hopeful 1517,depressed,i wish i just disappeared from this fucking world,speaker,6,"sure, I'd like to ",0.5859,positive,agreeing 1518,depressed,any advice?,speaker,1,"my depression and anxiety somehow are making me push people away, I don't want to end up alone, I hate being alone because I can't stand it. but I just push away everyone who walks into my life, then I feel bad because I did so. this has been happening for years now. any advice on how to socialize without a constantly fear of ending up alone or thinking people just want to use/hurt you? ",-0.8597,negative,lonely 1518,depressed,any advice?,listener_1,2," Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind ",0.0067,neutral,agreeing 1518,depressed,any advice?,speaker,3,"that really helped, thank you so much ",0.4173,positive,acknowledging 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,1,"Well damn... I had to spend a week out if the country recently so my phone was on airplane mode the whole time. When I got back and turned my cell service back on I braced for missed calls and messages... I had zero. Okay, no big deal... My birthday was this weekend. I received zero texts or online wishes. I mean... Whatever, it's not that big a deal I guess. But... It does make me sad. All I wanted to do was post and tell anybody who's reading, give a shout out to a friend. It doesn't have to be for a reason, like a birthday, just send them a message. Sometimes it feels good to not feel so nonexistent. Take care.",0.9041,positive,disappointed 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,listener_1,2,Happy belated birthday ,0.5719,positive,wishing 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,3,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,4,I appreciate that. And everybody deserves to be remembered and it can be easy to forget. ,0.5719,positive,grateful 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,5,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,6,"Thanks, hope all is well. ",0.7845,positive,consoling 1519,depressed,Nonexistent,speaker,7,Thank you. Definitely good advice too. ,0.7964,positive,agreeing 1520,depressed,HHHHhhhHH,speaker,1,"God I want to fucking d i e I've got everything planned i have a short and sweet note ready im so fucking tired of all my 'friends' saying ""im here for you:))"" when theyre fucking lying whenever i say im under the weather they ignore me and leave me on read i feel like worthless garbage and I'm about ready to take myself out",0.3039,positive,angry 1520,depressed,HHHHhhhHH,listener_1,2,Do you have any ways of stabilizing your moods?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1520,depressed,HHHHhhhHH,speaker,3,"n o,, apart from weed but i dont have any so Guess I'll Die",-0.7747,negative,neutral 1520,depressed,HHHHhhhHH,listener_1,4,Yeah it sucks having no weed if you really want weed: no reason to hurt yourself though.,-0.7764,negative,acknowledging 1521,depressed,Depressed be causeI let it all out.,speaker,1,I spilled my damn guts out. From childhood trauma to The reason im the way I now. I Felt so goddamn good. And its all gone becaused its gone. I shouldvr hit the save button. Maybe i wouldve had more hearts!?,0.4161,positive,embarrassed 1521,depressed,Depressed be causeI let it all out.,listener_1,2,You wrote something and then accidentally deleted it?,-0.34,negative,questioning 1521,depressed,Depressed be causeI let it all out.,speaker,3,YeAh man. Maybe it wasnt supposed to come out,0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1522,depressed,No motivation for life in general,speaker,1,"Have you ever felt like the time passes by you and you can't do anything but watch it slide ? It's been like a month or two, just don't have the strength to do anything. I used to have a morning routine, workout out and hang out with friends. But now I can't wait to go to bed and sleep, because that's the only time I don't really have to think or do things. I was wondering if any of you ever had to deal with that bat shit, and how did you overcome this down period ? xx",-0.1411,negative,sad 1522,depressed,No motivation for life in general,speaker,2,"Thanks for the advice, I’ll try tomorrow ",0.4404,positive,wishing 1522,depressed,No motivation for life in general,speaker,3,"Thanks for your words, sometimes you don't need much to get better. Just being heard and be able to get out all the things inside our heart is a big step for recovery <3 ",0.875,positive,grateful 1522,depressed,No motivation for life in general,listener_1,4,"Good luck, don’t hesitate to dm me in the future if you need someone to talk to :)",0.7783,positive,wishing 1523,depressed,:/,speaker,1,I can't take this shit. She won't listen to anything i have to say I'm just a piece of shit. I apparently don't care or try or anything. I can't supply what she needs. Ive lost over 10lbs in the last 2 weeks. I don't know what to do anymore i can't even get myself to get up,-0.9149,negative,furious 1523,depressed,:/,listener_1,2,"Drop the bitch. If she don't make you happy then you don't need her, you might be attached and I was in my last one but man, I got out of that and now I'm the happiest I've been sense I was a kid. If you think you've got your best, love off your life, you're attached and all, then you do you man. Good luck with the situation (Op, I really hope I got the situation correct, if not... Well damn haha)",0.9799,positive,hopeful 1523,depressed,:/,speaker,3,"We broke up a couple weeks ago and she keeps going back and forth between wanting to fix things and not. She says it has everything to do with me ""ignoring her"" and then she tells me it's over again and I'm supposed to know that its actually not and go try and talk to her when she has told me a dozen times that there's no point anymore. There's so much back and forth bullshit. I love her but she's fucking killing me these last couple weeks",-0.8931,negative,angry 1523,depressed,:/,speaker,4,I don't even have the motivation to smoke anymore,0.34,positive,ashamed 1523,depressed,:/,listener_1,5,"Well, go to a bar, get something light and meet new people. If you can't get your mind off her I don't know, make a pro-con list, decide what you want from there on. Pros: good sex(?), Makes you feel like you're worth something, nights are less loenly, fun, attractive, flirty Cons: she wants more than you can afford, she yells at you, when you argue you always lose because she attacks you for mistakes from long ago. Maybe what I've got is nowhere close, but it's a start. If you want a random to talk through this with, my phones always on. Good luck.",0.894,positive,angry 1524,depressed,I’m not sure where to start,speaker,1,"I’ve been so exhausted everyday all day and all I want to do is sleep. I don’t want to do anything. I look disgusting. I feel ugly. I’ve been thinking of suicide a lot recently, but I know I’d never do it because I’m too afraid. I don’t know if I feel sad or not. I laugh all the time. I just feel like there’s no reason for anything anymore. I think my kids both hate me. How do i get out of this? I tried exercise, but I’m too tired. I don’t have energy to entertain friends. I have a boyfriend, but I feel we’ve reached a rough patch and i try to communicate how I’ve been feeling, but it’s getting brushed off. I have been receiving professional help for years, but it never helps. I NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME HOW TO FIX MYSELF. ",-0.8842,negative,ashamed 1524,depressed,I’m not sure where to start,listener_1,2,"I’ve been there. I will journal it, and then binge eat something unhealthy, and then get really angry at whoever made me feel that way. Some side comment or such. And in my mind I’ll tell them to go fuck themselves, that they are horrible and I’m better than that. Then I go do something that I do well, and prove to myself that I’m awesome. Also, as I get older, I care less about what others think of me, and just go with what makes me happy. ",0.2516,positive,faithful 1524,depressed,I’m not sure where to start,listener_2,3,don't advertise how you build yourself up by knocking others down. Not ok. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1524,depressed,I’m not sure where to start,speaker,4,"I actually just got my thyroid checked a month ago because another doctor suspected that as well, but everything came back okay. I just started seeing a new doctor a month ago. ",0.3506,positive,hopeful 1524,depressed,I’m not sure where to start,listener_2,5,"If your thyroid is ok, it could be depression causing the extreme fatigue and indifference to life. Are you on antidepressants? The right combination of antidepressants and therapy could be key to a drastic change. I know it's hard, I'm exhausted all the time, too. But I live alone so at least I can hide away from the world and sleep, but I realize that's not much of a life. But for you, therapy right now is most important so you can work on building a relationship with your kids. I wish I had a definitive answer for you in how to make it all better but there's no quick fix unfortunately. ",-0.5557,negative,hopeful 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,1,"So since my girlfriend broke up with me, after being together for years. I have really been struggling to come to terms with the changes. Years of routine and happiness out the window. The problem is I still love her; I’m not the one that ended it. I have been working hard to build it back up but in the meantime I can’t even bring myself to get through the day. I have not eaten properly. Constantly feeling exhausted and low all the time. Never feeling positive and just empty. I know time is the biggest healer; but what else can I do to help?",-0.809,negative,sad 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,listener_1,2,"I've been exactly where you were. 8 years. Take a day at a time, that's all anyone can ask of you. Hang out with non-mutual friends if possible and focus on work or a hobby. Keep your head up, if I could do it, I believe you can too :)",0.7269,positive,faithful 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,3,"Thanks! I just feel like I have nothing left, like everything has been taken away from me :/",0.2919,positive,lonely 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,listener_1,4,"I know. It hurts. There's no denying that. In my case our circle of friends were very much the same. My best friends over years, through school to senior years and onwards, were in those circles. I don't see them anymore. I felt I lost everything and everyone and I'd be alone forever and that was it. Overtime life continued, I started talking to people at work, who I hardly spoke to, who introduced me to more people and now I have a new circle of friends that I do stuff with outside of work too. I go to the gym with them, we go out for food, we even went for a snow trip last winter. You're right, time is the best healer - might as well do something fun during the healing process. Baby steps - you can do it!! edit: grammar",0.9602,positive,lonely 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,5,Yeah! Thanks man &#x200B; Nothing seems possible at the moment but if i just keep focusing on getting through that one day then in the end everything will fall in place. ,0.4295,positive,neutral 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,listener_2,6,"Heya James, I don't know how long ago your breakup was, but I'm going through one too, happened at the end of July. I just wanted to say you seem to, as of this post, developed a healthier viewpoint in the style of ""just because I'm not okay now, doesn't mean I won't be."" That is 100% true! I just wanted to say that you shouldn't ignore the issue at hand however. Remember to let yourself feel, getting upset is part of the process of working through these things, so don't fear it, or feel embarrassed, just let it happen. It'll help in the long run :)",0.9405,positive,trusting 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,7,"Thanks for that! Its hard, you never know you could ever feel so bad until it actually happens to you, i have been trying to put off counselling. Not because i dont think its a good idea. I just dont feel its the right thing to do at the moment. I have just been keeping myself to myself and being in my own company, the negatives to it is it keeps my brain thinking and thats the wst that i could be doing to myself at the moment.",-0.0985,negative,lonely 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,listener_3,8,"That is so true that you never know how bad it feels until it happens to you. The most depressed I have ever felt was while going through these breakups. I am still dealing with a lot of depression about this most recent breakup, but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, and you will get there too! I know what you mean about keeping to yourself. I am a very private and introverted person and I tend to isolate myself when I am really struggling with my mental health. It is very important to feel your feelings and let yourself think things through and process your emotions, but try to balance that with reaching out to family and friends for their support. Even if you aren't ready to find a therapist (which is totally legit to feel that way), talking things through with family and friends can be immensely helpful. Try not to isolate yourself too much, because that will likely make your depression worse.",0.45,positive,agreeing 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,9,I’m a month in and starting to be able to get through my day. I tend to get upset and start to feel down when the day ends and it’s just me at home (the times I am usually with company) to then start the thoughts in my head and the memories kick in. Time is helping. I’m still feel very easily aggravated. Something so small can put me in a low mood for the rest of the day. I’m trying. Love sucks :(,-0.4914,negative,sad 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,listener_2,10,"Oh man I know exactly what you mean. I was the same 1 month in. You go out with friends much? Clubbing and stuff like that? I never did until after the breakup, and I ended up realising the change of scenery, pace, and experiences was a huuuuge help. Don't be afraid to talk to your friends or family too! Sometimes, you need to admit these things verbally. Just a simple ""I'm struggling dude"" can release the cork for all of the shit building up inside you. And you'll find yourself talking a lot more than you expected. If you have a good listener who is willing, then now is the perfect time to ask :)",0.974,positive,agreeing 1525,depressed,Dealing with Break-ups,speaker,11,Yeah. I’m not a clubber really but it’s only because no ones dragged me out to a club. I never drank much and I still don’t. I have changed a few things around at home. It’s just getting used to it all that’s hard ,-0.3773,negative,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,1,"Ok so, about two years ago there was a girl in my class who i really, really, liked. Like so, so much. We were in every single class together for a whole year, and i wanted to go up and talk to her, but i just couldn’t gain that confidence. So on the last week of school that year, my friends went up to her and told her that i liked her, and i thought that that would be the end of me. BUT, she was actually intrigued, and on the last day of school say next to me and we played these board games that the teacher had out for the class, and all i can say about that moment was that it was the best day i had had throughout all of that year. After school that day i asked for her snapchat, and she gladly gave it over, and from that day on for the next two months (this went over the summer holidays) i texted her everyday. I asked things like “how are you”, “how was your day”, etc. Everything was fine until the first week of school started back in february and from the point on things went dramatically downhill. I guess i must have accidentally annoyed her because she ended up blocking me on snapchat, (keep in mind she just told me she deleted it, not that she blocked me), and so i decided to text her on instagram instead because i didn’t know she blocked me, and then she blocks me on that (that’s when i found out she blocked me), and so i sent her one final email that was an apology saying that i was really sorry that i upset her etc. The day after i sent that email she sent me to a teachers office because of it. By this time i felt horrible. Anyway, we ended being in some of the same class around 5-6 months later, and my feelings for her still hadn’t changed (and to this day they still haven’t). I didn’t think she would want to speak to me about it, so i sent her an email that was another apology, but this time poured my entire heart into it. She ignored it. She also ignored the happy birthday message i sent to her. So as my last resort to fix what i had done, i went to one of her friends and they said to true and do it face to face. So after weeks of getting the nerve, i did it, only to be responded to with an “Ok”, and was left standing there as she walked away. I still continued after they go text her friend to see if there was literally anything i could do to make it up to her, but she found out i was doing this and went to the teacher AGAIN. That was about 2 weeks ago. And now i’m left sitting in my bed, crying out my eyes every night and wanting to legitimately kill myself over this, so now i’m writing this on reddit to see if anyone can help. I just don’t understand because i’m genuinely sorry about what i did , i didn’t mean to hurt her, i would never do that. She knows i didn’t mean to but she just doesn’t want to forgive me, and i don’t know why. I just don’t know what to do anymore because it’s my biggest problem and i can’t even fix it. And it doesn’t help with the fact that i literally cannot stop thinking about her, literally everything reminds me of her. Anyway, if you actually read all of this, thank you, i really, really appreciate it. ",0.9904,positive,trusting 1526,depressed,My Problem,listener_1,2,"Please don't kill yourself. Develop some maturity about relationships: what you can control, and what you should leave alone.",0.5911,positive,questioning 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,3,"The thing is they i cant leave it alone. Ik i should, but i can’t",0.1139,positive,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,listener_1,4,"You have to find a way, and you can start by focusing your mind on more important stuff.",0.2716,positive,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,5,"Trust me, i have. But literally ANYTHING i do remind me of her. Last night i was listening to a soundtrack by Vance Joy and i realised that that was the soundtrack i was listening to 24/7 when all of that stuff happened, so even tiny things like that trigger it. ",0.8909999999999999,positive,agreeing 1526,depressed,My Problem,listener_1,6,"I say do what you want with your memories/feelings, but if she doesn't want to talk to you, then you have to accept it! ",0.5437,positive,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,7,not that easy man ,-0.3412,negative,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,listener_1,8,"Atleast know the consequences of harrassment. I argue with a female from my past about events from 25 years ago, but the 'she' is a phantom in my head and not the real person; if I contact her, she may get a restraining order. I want her to hear my fury, but really, the matter is buried in time. So, I get it.",-0.6939,negative,guilty 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,9,"to be fair, it was accidental harassment. like completely accidental ",-0.1513,negative,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,10,"i guess you’re right. i will try, but idk. thanks man",0.5023,positive,neutral 1526,depressed,My Problem,speaker,11,i will try and give her time and see. ,0.0,neutral,consoling 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,1,"After trying to become a full time musician for 10 years, loosing my house, my degree, and everything else in the process, I’m finally throwing in the towel and giving up on the dream. What do now? ",0.5267,positive,devastated 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,listener_1,2,"Street musician! For real, get back on your feet and you'll be fine! ",0.3365,positive,confident 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,3,"I’ve never tried it! Maybe I’ll give it a shot! Although being on the outskirts of Dallas doesn’t super help. Dallas isn’t really a place for street musicians, but maybe I’ll try a form of something like that and see how it goes. Never crossed my mind before!",0.8139,positive,hopeful 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,4,Because I enjoyed it. I could care less if anyone knew who I was lol I just wanted to do it for a living. I’d perform behind a giant black curtain if I could so no one could see my face and I could still pay rent lol 😂,0.8941,positive,confident 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,5,"I’ve thought about that, would be a good outlet at least. That sort of stuff just doesn’t really pay the bills ya know? But it would defiantly be a good outlet to at least keep the passion going. And what do you mean by auditions?",0.8694,positive,questioning 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,6,"Understandable. Do you just do studio gigs or tour gigs or what? And I believe it man, it’s a rough struggle ",-0.3182,negative,agreeing 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,7,"Yeah, that’ll be a good place to start. Any recommendations?",0.6249,positive,questioning 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,listener_2,8,"A fast food place, retail or delivery service",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,listener_3,9,"See my reply below, sorry - I hit the wrong damn button! ",-0.75,negative,sympathizing 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,listener_4,10,Did you try finding a talent agent or artist manager to get you gigs?,0.4215,positive,questioning 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,listener_1,11,"It's not gonna be too fun if you look like a druggie, get as many showers as you can (from what I read I couldn't tell if you got an a place to stay) it getting cold soon so you might want to invest in roommates and a side job (cashier, cook, something small) if you can't find reliable work. Good luck to ya! Hope everything figures itself out!",0.9408,positive,consoling 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,12,I shall look around! Delivery would be fun,0.5562,positive,acknowledging 1527,depressed,Giving up on the dream.,speaker,13,"I did try this, I worked with 2-3 different agencies over the years, the last one though really took a toll. The last agency I worked with for 2 years, of which we spent the entire time doing prepping for this “school tour” they were working on. They were signing 8 artists to go on the 40 week North American tour to perform at various colleges and high schools all over North America. We prepped for the tour for 12 months, got the busses and everything lined up, everything routed, had sponsorships and everything set up and were starting to get our dates and everything ready for it. The only thing weird was that the agency wanted $1200 from each artist (there were 8 of us) up front for royalty rights (they were releasing a compilation CD of all the artists on the tour that was going to be sent out to the 25,000+ schools we were going to, and this cost was to ensure us that we’d get any extra revenue from sales of this cd) so all of us paid that, and then this last stipulation of the contract was that we were all supposed to spend the last 6 weeks before we left preparing for the tour and making sure we didn’t have any side jobs (this was a full time agreement) or any obligations that would fault us from going on the road for the tour (our leave date was January 12th when the tour was supposed to start) and that we were in mandatory meetings twice a week for those 6 weeks with the agency to go over things the last month before we left. We all had signed contracts for the tour and we’re going to be put on salary starting January 5th and had spent over a year prepping for it and everything seemed great. And then the first week of January came and we never got our first checks. This wasn’t good. So all of us artists we’re in a conference call together trying to see if anyone got their check and In the middle of one of the call one of the artist received an email stating that the CEO of the agency were working with has gone rogue and is being investigated by the FBI for fraud. This email was from the lawyer of one of the partner sponsors (the sponsor that was the main capital contributor for the tour) and with that he attached a list of the guys crimes for what he’s being investigated for. In the middle of the artist reading this to the rest of us one of the representatives from the agency joined the call and then immediately hung up the phone and all of the artists included myself were left stunned. (By this time we all had received the email from the corporate lawyer) We tried to get back in touch with the agency but turned out the entire agency was getting investigated and the whole thing went to straight shit. The CEO of the agency took the $9600 that all the artists put up for copyrights along with a couple hundred thousand from sponsors and the month fees that each of us had paid and ghosted everyone. For the next 3 months we tried to hash out what to do, tried to work the tour out, but with this happening the agency went to shit, the rest of the sponsors bailed out and everything was lost. (This was all from January this year) So all of us lost over a year of prep work for this tour, each personally lost $1200+ from the contract, and most of us lost the jobs we had (because we had to leave work for 6 weeks for this final prep with the agency) And considering each of us was also paying the agency for their services on top of all of this, even during all of this, we all got extremely fauked and it’s been incredibly hard to recover from it. Now we did have contracts for everything, everything checked over by lawyers and everything legal, but because the guy (the agencies CEO) is being investigated for so many other fraud cases we have been told it will be years before we would get anything, and even then we would have to press charges and file a lawsuit against him and the legal charges alone just from this would cost a ton of $$$, that of which non of us really have. Even the lawyer I worked with told me that it really sucks but unless I have a good amount of money to really peruse this and a TON of time (said it could be up to 5 years before we reach a settlement) then there is little to no chance of getting any of my money back. We also each personally did research of the agency before getting involved and everything seemed to check out, and then after that happened we found out that his precious fraud cases were sealed because of some legal technicality which is why it never popped up when researching the company. And being that we all were trying to push music none of us were really that well off to afford something like that anyways. So yeah. The last agency I worked with caused me about 2 years of time, all together cost me over $3000 that I didn’t get back, cost me my day job and left me in a shit position of which I’m still recovering from. Lol So I haven’t worked with any other agency since! It’s not that I wouldn’t, just haven’t found one reputable and after my last experience I’ve been a little more cautious than normal. ",-0.9744,negative,apprehensive 1528,depressed,But I'm out of touch,speaker,1,"All I really want in life is a good friend or 2, my freedom and my sanity ",0.8977,positive,hopeful 1528,depressed,But I'm out of touch,listener_1,2,Yeah same I don't want much just enough to keep me going.,0.2448,positive,agreeing 1528,depressed,But I'm out of touch,listener_2,3,"If you have an xbox one PM me your gamertag, we could hang online sometime. I have FarCry5, TitanFall 2, Destiny 2 and Halo 5",0.0,neutral,suggesting 1528,depressed,But I'm out of touch,listener_1,4,Yeah I only have a pc or ps4 I love xbox one but until they get rid of classes and running in Halo im never coming back. ,0.4939,positive,neutral 1528,depressed,But I'm out of touch,listener_2,5,"I gotcha, I actually have a PS4, my roommate has the One but we share. I don't really have any multiplayer games on it besides the original SW battlefront",0.4497,positive,neutral 1528,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_3,1,"So I have got this state right now that I totally don't want anything and nothing makes me happy. This week it went so far that I pretended to be ill and did nothing but surfing internet. Also I feel terrifyed of the upcoming day, can't sleep because of this. Idk how much it will last, but want this to end as soon as it could",-0.5345,negative,afraid 1528,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_4,2,Are you on meds? Seeing a professional?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1528,depressed,Don't know what to do,listener_3,3,"No, I am not. Probably there are no such professionals in the country where I live.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 1529,depressed,"I hate when people say ""why r u depressed""",speaker,1,"Um because i have a chemical imbalance in my brain?! I just feel more alienated and misunderstood when people say this to me. People need to stop inappropriately calling being sad "" depression"". ",-0.8991,negative,lonely 1529,depressed,"I hate when people say ""why r u depressed""",listener_1,2,"[https://i.redd.it/gc92x2q3ty411.jpg](https://i.redd.it/gc92x2q3ty411.jpg) It goes deeper than your brain, major depression goes all the way down to your DNA. Did you have a grandpa that severed in WWII?",-0.7574,negative,questioning 1529,depressed,"I hate when people say ""why r u depressed""",speaker,3,I did actually.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1529,depressed,"I hate when people say ""why r u depressed""",speaker,4,Interesting point ive never heard before. Thanks!,0.1496,positive,acknowledging 1529,depressed,"I hate when people say ""why r u depressed""",speaker,5,Yep. My mother likes to do this along with my friend. I have to continually tell people just because someones life is worse than mine i dont feel better about mine . if i have cramps telling me someone has stomach cancer does not make my cramps go away.,-0.4031,negative,annoyed 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_2,1,"Im in need of friends, I sometimes feel lonely and feel angry sometimes because my partner has a lot of friend types maybe I'm the type who will just feel depressed all day and just complain about it ",-0.6486,negative,lonely 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_3,2,"Hey it's all good, you've plenty of time to try something new and do a little bit more. I went along to my sister's party earlier knowing no one. I left early because I wasn't feeling it and half hung out with my parents and buried myself in my phone. It's my twenty eighth birthday tomorrow and everything has gone wrong but we're still here and tomorrow might be a bit better a friend is anyone or anything who shares a life with u that you woud never be able to experiemce without them (from everyone's an alien when you're an alien too) Thanks friend, I get how you feel",0.9641,positive,lonely 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_2,3,Thank you for that and happy early birthday I hope you have a good one,0.9001,positive,wishing 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_3,4,"Thank you, hope things are a bit better today",0.8074,positive,consoling 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_4,1,"Its final project week aka week before final exams I feel so hopeless. I am just so angry with myself. I am on meds but they only do so much, and therapy is to pricy. Im just trying my best not to curl up into a ball and cry in front of my roommates.",-0.3408,negative,disappointed 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_5,2,"You already heard it before, just keep trying. But I know how that feels to feel absolutely hopeless, I am going through it right now again. I just try to keep in mind that life will get super hard, then after we will get a ease or slight reward. It's a cycle and I know somedays just wanna end it or not do anything, but all I got is I wish you good luck and hopefully things work out.",0.9754,positive,wishing 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_4,3,Thanks. My main frustration is that for me its just so hard to live with and fighting everyday to get out of bed is just exausting.,-0.5524,negative,annoyed 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_5,4,"Yes that's how I feel, as I lay in my bed right now. I did some dishes today but ya I still just feel weak, I go through that everyday, like I'll make plans an etc, but when it comes I really don't wanna do it. I know I'll be bond to be let down, But I know people like u are trying, I really can't think of anything that helps me when I'm doing that, just I gotta do whatever I keep telling myself or maybe contact someone you know in real life and share you're feelings, I've never been on meds for this so idk how that is treating you but at least you're doing everything you can.(:",0.8126,positive,ashamed 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_4,5,Meds arnt really helping...im just tell myself just get through today...tommrow could be better,0.4404,positive,consoling 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_6,6,"If they aren't working, you need to speak with your psychiatrist about changing medication. And also make sure you are in therapy. It may be pricey but there are places with sliding scale pay. And this is your life, this is where your priority should be of where you put your money. ",0.0129,neutral,faithful 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_6,7,Absolutely not ok. DO NOT discourage people from taking medication. ,0.3252,positive,agreeing 1529,depressed,Feeling hopeless,listener_4,8,Its a really long story. Id rather not dxplain,0.0,neutral,neutral 1530,depressed,Suicidal fantasies,speaker,1,"I have these fantasies that I go to bed with every night. Every night I imagine jumping off a building, a swan-dive almost, and then a noose comes around my neck and I jolt. My body hangs limply like a doll. It is the only time I feel peace.",0.7184,positive,terrified 1530,depressed,Suicidal fantasies,listener_1,2,Please get some assistance if your fantasies start fostering plans.,0.3182,positive,apprehensive 1530,depressed,Suicidal fantasies,listener_2,3,"I don't often say this, but great link! People need to watch this. ",0.7871,positive,acknowledging 1531,depressed,There is no hope for me,speaker,1,"I have been diagnosed with depression and I am on meds. I would love to move on with my life and start my own family but I cannot earn enough to live on my own, much less live somewhere with a room for a kid. I have my bachelors degree but I only get hired at jobs that pay 12 an hour which is the rate I have been working at since I graduated college, 6 years ago. I had an interview for a dream job 2 weeks ago and it went well, they even asked me if I could start soon and gave me feedback that it went well but I am afraid they will find something they do not like from my past jobs(I did not give notice in leaving because of my depression) and because these jobs only paid 12 an hour, I did not feel l had to give notice upon leaving but I know that is wrong. I was an amazing worker at all of these jobs and even won awards. I am in limbo currently waiting to hear back but I do not think I will get the job. I am worse off than someone who does not have a degree because I have $250 a month student loan payments. So my dream of starting my own family has been crushed. I have to keep my head up and keep trying for better jobs. I know I would dedicate everything to work if I was given a chance at a decent paying job. But no place gives me a chance. I have tried everything, from working 55 hour weeks for overtime pay and having 2 jobs. I am thinking of just breaking up with my boyfriend and doing a long distance relationship with my ex who is a millionaire just so that I have the hope of having a kid. I am willing to go to extremes to try to be happy. I wish I had someone who would give me a chance. I wish I could talk to someone about all of this. It is horrible because I go to a state run therapist and they make you wait 3 months for an appointment. I can't stop crying when I am alone and I put on a fake smile around everyone else because I do not want to bring them down. &#x200B;",0.9675,positive,disappointed 1531,depressed,There is no hope for me,listener_1,2,So you think your degree was useless?,-0.4215,negative,questioning 1531,depressed,There is no hope for me,speaker,3,Yes ,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1531,depressed,There is no hope for me,listener_1,4,"I have similar thoughts about a fine arts degree in how I ended up not having what it takes to be a working artist. Wagework is a tough life and I am happy to be retired from it, but suffering is still ever present. So, I practice acceptance of difficulty.",-0.1901,negative,disappointed 1532,depressed,I wish I was sad,speaker,1,"I haven’t actually been sad or cried in so fucking long. I miss it. It would be so nice to just actually FEEL something, instead of the what seems to be a never ending emptiness. ",-0.1385,negative,lonely 1532,depressed,I wish I was sad,listener_1,2,"Try to find a person, with whom you want to be happy",0.6124,positive,faithful 1532,depressed,I wish I was sad,listener_1,3,"Mannen, jag kände likadant förut. Jag blev lämnad av en jävligt viktig person och kände att det inte fanns någon poäng att leva. Jag hittade nya vänner, och nya hobbys, det blir bara bättre. Annars kan du ju testa att bonda mer med dig själv och bli mer självständig, men då kommer du förmodligen känna dig jävligt ensam och folk kommer se på dig som kall och självcentrerad, detta kommer ju då inte du bry dig om eftersom du klarar dig bra på egen hand.",0.4939,positive,suggesting 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,speaker,1,"I'm a senior in highschool and I seem to be depressed almost all the time now. School drags me down and I feel like I'm wasting my life. Work is more enjoyable for me than even being at home and definitely more than school. I want to drop out and get my GED. I'm not sure if I will go to to college or not but if I dropped out I would try to work more hours and get my GED. I've thought about doing van life and I know multiple people that are doing it or going to do it. I think that might be a good option for me but I'd have to work and save up. I care more about being happy and my relationship with God than I do making lots of money. I want to travel and see new things. I feel like staying in highschool is doing the opposite of benefiting me, I feel like its dragging me down a deeper and deeper void of depression. I hardly have the motivation to do anything, I'm failing 2 classes and i dont even know if i'll pass this semester let alone the next one and I have so few people who want to hang out with me. I'm lonely. I have a hard time connecting with people where I live, I've tried meeting new people here through tinder Instagram snapchat and it just hasn't seemed to work much. I'm not sure what I'm trying to accomplish by this post but I guess any advice anyone has would be cool. Thanks guys.. ",0.973,positive,hopeful 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,listener_1,2,"High school is terrible, but you will be better off with a diploma than a GED. Keeping pushing dude, life isn't easy but those who persevere, especially when the going gets tough, do better. Speaking of God, I don't think he took the easy road either. Hang in there, and God bless!",0.9426,positive,faithful 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,speaker,3,"Thanks, man. I appreciate you taking the time to write this. Thank you.",0.8164,positive,wishing 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,listener_2,4,Or just watch some videos on soothouse on r/niceguys. Tbh its kinda funny,0.3832,positive,acknowledging 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,listener_2,5,Np. Just promise you'll finish HS. it'll help you much better than just a GED. Plus you've already done more than 80% of it. Might as well finish it.,0.8402,positive,faithful 1533,depressed,I want to drop out,speaker,6,"Ah, I don't want to make a promise idk if i can keep, i hope you understand that. But yeah, you have a point, i have gotten close to the end. We'll see, I need to look into it more and stuff anyways. I'm not making my final decision right now. ",0.6235,positive,agreeing 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,speaker,1,"i don’t think i can do this anymore. i want to be happy, and i don’t want to die. but i feel like i have to. i’m such a horrible person. i push people away, i’m mean to people sometimes because i’m so ducking insecure about myself. all the shit that’s happened to me has caused this, but it’s still on me. i don’t have any friends or family. i don’t have any support. i just lost who was supposed to be my best friend. i think. all i know is i’m over here freaking out about everything. things have gotten so much worse. i’m so bad off it’s unreal, i didn’t know it could be like this. i think i’ll be okay. i hope. but i’m alone. i’m absolutely one hundred percent alone. i don’t have anyone. i’ve never heard of one person fighting a battle and winning. but maybe i’ll be able to find something to keep me tethered to reality. i want to be happy. but i just can’t stop thinking about how everyone hates me, and how i hurt people. i don’t have the ducking energy to breath anymore, actually. not a figure of speech, i don’t have the energy to fucking be alive. but i want things to get better. i’m just stuck.",0.901,positive,ashamed 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_1,2,"I'm not sure the kind of person you are, or your view on religion. But maybe try praying, give it a shot, ask God for help. I'm sorry to hear about your situation dude, I know that probably doesnt make a difference but I mean it. While I haven't been in the exact same situation as you I have/am gone/going through a similar situation(s). I know it's hard dude.. real hard.. theres been times I've wanted to give up too, shoot, I even find myself wanting to give up now. While you may not physically have anyone, you arent alone. ",0.6518,positive,suggesting 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_2,3,NO religion on this subreddit. ,-0.4466,negative,faithful 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,speaker,4,"i don’t know how i feel about religion. i don’t necessarily believe in organized religion, but i believe there’s something out there. i just don’t know what. but thank you. i’ve been trying it out actually.",0.5023,positive,neutral 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_1,5,"I personally dont think you need to be a part of an organized religion to have a good relationship with God. But I do think it can help greatly. That's my belief right now at least. If you dont know where to begin just pray and have a conversation with God, say what's on your mind. Personally I need to work on my relationship with God too, I'd say that's been one of my struggles lately. ",0.8765,positive,faithful 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,speaker,6,yeah i get that. i just don’t believe that most religions are real. but i think there’s a higher power. and it makes sense that we wouldn’t know who they are or what to me tbh. idk i just feel like if there was something so powerful it made us and the world then we really don’t have the right to know everything do we. who knows how things are meant to be. all we can do is try our best. so that’s what i’m gonna try to do. i hope praying helps be both of us.,0.9787,positive,neutral 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_1,7,That's a dumb rule. ,-0.5106,negative,neutral 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_2,8,"You have no idea what the religious views are of the people you are responding to. It comes across as condescending and judgemental. Also, telling people to pray away their depression is asinine and dangerous. You've been warned. Next time it's a ban. ",-0.9081,negative,ashamed 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_1,9,"Just ban me now then, I was trying to help someone struggling with something I struggle with. I was not trying to be rude to him or pushy, nor did I tell him to pray away his depression. I suggested he prayed because I did not want to ignore his post and was not sure what other advice I could offer. I've had people not pay much attention to my posts before and it only hurts more because then it seems like even those who are there to help are ignoring your pleas. I've know people who have helped their depression through religion so why would I not suggest it? Just because a small minority will find it offensive? No. To the guy that posted the original post, private message me if you want to talk because chances are I'm getting banned for trying to help. Ridiculous ",-0.9603,negative,caring 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,listener_2,10,"I did not ban you. I said if you post again about religion after you have been warned, I would. Quit making this a pity party about yourself. Somehow everyone else is capable of not ignoring posts and answering them without bringing up religion so don't use that as an excuse either about how you wanted to leave him a response. And shame on your for thinking it is alright to be offensive as long as it doesn't offend you or a majority... which, by the way, is not the small minority you have wrongly assumed it is. ",0.4714,positive,angry 1534,depressed,i’m a horrible person.,speaker,11,thank you. i’ll keep trying ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1535,depressed,"No matter how good I have it, I just can't seem happy.",speaker,1,"First-time post here. I can't seem to find any joy in my life. I'm almost 40. I've finally got a good job for the last 5 years and make about 80k a year. I have a shit ton of student loan debt (about 100k) but that's manageable. I got my mother in law moved out, but we're still living in her house till we find our own (She couldn't afford to live in a 2 story house and make it up and down the stairs, so we're going to sell/let the bank take it back.) I write and have written a few books. People who have read them all love my writing and tell me how good it is. I can't seem to take any complement without suspicions. My work is the easiest thing to do, and my boss constantly tells me how good I'm doing at my job, and how he can always rely on my dedication and aptitude. All I feel is that I want to disappear. Like, everyone is going to be better without me. I know it's not true, my wife and son would be devastated, along with a lot of family and co-workers. I want to get out of my mother in laws house and cut any ties with her toxic behavior towards my wife, but she just keeps going back to ""Help her"" because it's the ""Right thing to do"". That whole situation is another Reddit post for another group. My sister just left after spending 4hrs watching the new Titans show on the DC app. We're both huge comic book fans. Even while we were talking and laughing about the show, the whole time I felt like she's here out of pity or some sort of weird obligation. That's all I see around me. Any socializing with me or doing anything nice is patronizing, an obligation, or pity for me. I know it's not true... but I can't help but feel that it is. It takes all my effort not to ""Check out"" through pot or drinking, just to numb myself enough to cope. Anytime I'm in the kitchen, I see flashes of my death. I cut food for dinner, and I see myself slicing my wrists by accident. I'm in the shower and see myself slipping and cracking the back of my head. I don't see these as suicidal thoughts. It's more like the phenomenon ""Call to the void"". I know I'm not going too, but it feels like every single day I see about 20 or 30 ways I can die. I try to hyperfocus on things. I have so many hobbies I can't seem to keep up with them, just to distract my mind. I write, I play video games, I read and collect comics and action figures, I practice martial arts, play the ukulele, paint, collect coins, stamps, antiques, read books... As soon as something is done, everything I blocked out hits me tenfold. When I get hyper-focused, that causes problems too, since the task completely consumes me. I wrote a 50k word novel in 4 days and it took me weeks to crawl back out of the rabbit hole. I've tried anti-depressants... Wellbutrin makes me violent, never saw any changes with other things. They have me on Lamotrigine. I take it because I'm supposed to, but I can't tell really if it's working or not. I'm almost 400lbs, I've just had my gallbladder removed. The effects have been wonderful. For the last year, I couldn't even walk around the store without being in pain. Now I feel like I can hike and climb and play basketball, but the feeling of going outside overwhelms me. I'm so angry at myself. I can't stand being fat, and out of shape, and not able to use the gym membership I'm wasting money on to make myself healthy. I used to rock climb, go hiking and on adventures and be fun. Now I can't even bring myself to take my son fishing because it seems like too much effort. What makes all this even worse is how well I can keep it to myself. My wife knows about it, but she only understands the surface issues. My son is 15 and he's going through teenage depression over the school shooting things and we've taken him out and enrolled him into online high school programs. Most people who don't really know me wouldn't even suspect all fo this, simply because I can put on my mask and pretend the way I'm supposed to around them. There are days where I feel like all the emotions I'm supposed to have are fake, and I'm even lying to myself about how I feel, since there's nothing really at the bottom anyway and that I'm a sociopath faking all of this so I can fit in and have some normalcy. I feel like I'm ruining my life and my family's life, and I can't get back in control. &#x200B; &#x200B;",-0.307,negative,content 1535,depressed,"No matter how good I have it, I just can't seem happy.",listener_1,2,Have you ever been diagnosed with mania? Excess weight and depression are linked as well: I wonder if just 50 lbs reduction will help along with some key diet changes which help with moodswings. ,0.4215,positive,suggesting 1535,depressed,"No matter how good I have it, I just can't seem happy.",listener_2,3,Lamitcal is for bipolar disorder.,-0.4019,negative,sad 1536,depressed,"I did it, I reached out",speaker,1,"And now worse than ever as my greatest fear of being actually alone turns out to be reality. Reached out to friends, acquaintances, cousins even, try and go out, told them I'm struggling. Very minimal. I looked for helpgroups in my area, there are none. ",-0.34,negative,lonely 1536,depressed,"I did it, I reached out",listener_1,2,Let me know how I can help,0.4019,positive,sympathizing 1536,depressed,"I did it, I reached out",listener_2,3,"Yeah. I don't know though, like i hate to say it for the sake of anyone who might read this who has the same fear. I hate the thought of scaring them from doing it. But i feel alil worse. These are people im eventually going to come face to face with and i didnt get a response, my reaching out probably won't be acknowledged. I feel like this is in line to my thinking of what goes around comes around. I would politely decline or sometimes give no response to people when i was invited to places, i wouldnt keep in touch, i probably did the same thing to someone as what I'm going through",-0.8483,negative,apprehensive 1536,depressed,"I did it, I reached out",listener_2,4,"I work fulltime. I went to school fulltime but at the start of this semester my depression was generally worse so i could only handle taking 2. Im a barber, my daytime keep me occupied. It helps being in contact with people. But once night comes around. Once the day off comes around i just can't deal. Its a 6-7 hour fight of trying to make it to the next day. Ive stagnated..im exhausted at the end of the day, just forcing myself to keep face to the best i can and go through the motion. I dont have any gas in the tank to accelerate any further. Im OP just have reddit on phone logged to a diff acc than desktop",-0.7684,negative,sad 1536,depressed,"I did it, I reached out",speaker,5,"Yikes, good luck my guy",0.7096,positive,wishing 1537,depressed,Can't get over being rejected.,speaker,1,It's been about 2 years. I still get upset over her nearly everyday. I just wish I could move on already,0.0258,neutral,sad 1537,depressed,Can't get over being rejected.,listener_1,2,"It’s hard I think someone else deserves to be cared about as much, or more, as you did about this girl. I think someone will care about you that much too. I’m 27 and I’ve never been loved back. I’m still not over a rejection and it’s eating away and I want it to stop too, I’m working on telling myself that I’m worthy",0.7433,positive,hopeful 1537,depressed,Can't get over being rejected.,listener_2,3,"Man..I can tell u you're worthy...man,you're worthy...now you don't have to do it yourself",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1538,depressed,Depressed,speaker,1,"My best friend has moved across the country and blocked me on everything. She’s been gone since September, and I miss her more than anything in the world. She moved away to be with her boyfriend she met on instagram, and while I am happy for them, I can’t help but be angry. She was so perfect to me. She helped me realize it was okay to fall in love with girls even though I’m a girl, and she also helped me realize that I was in love with her. Her boyfriend doesn’t like me and told her that if she didn’t block me on everything, he would never speak to her again. So she chose him over me. She moved to be with him and blocked me on everything. She left me alone with absolutely no one. I sit in my room all day with nothing to do but silently wish she would come back, blast music in her car, and joyride with me one last time. I’m told I’ll get over it. I’m told she’s just another replaceable friend. But everyone that tells me this has no idea I was (and still am) in love with her. Right before she left she had this long conversation with me about seeing each other after she moves and that we’ll still keep in touch. Next thing I know I have no ability to speak to her. I love her and I want her to be happy. I haven’t tried messaging her in about a month because i’ve come to the conclusion she simply wants nothing to do with me. But I love her. I love her so much and she had told me so many times she loved me back. And now she doesn’t. It’s hard to come to terms with it, especially when not only was she someone I loved deeply, but she was also the only friend that I have had in years. Before her, I sat in my room and spoke to random people online. And now that she’s gone again, I’m back to my old habits. This is a major reason as to why I have severe depression. It’s obviously not the only reason why, but it’s one of the reasons why I have to fight myself to get out of bed in the morning. I just want this feeling to end. This feeling of loneliness. I tried hanging out with a few people but I hardly get along with them. I just want to be alone at this point. I feel like making new friends is pointless. My entire life friends have come and gone, but she is one of the only people in the world i genuinely care about. And that sucks. ",0.9969,positive,sad 1538,depressed,Depressed,listener_1,2,"Hope you will be ok soon, although this wouldn’t help much, I know, but I want you to know that there’re still good people on this earth and maybe she didn’t realize how important you are but someday you’ll find your “the one”. So pls don’t end your life knowing it’ll break everyone’s heart. Be strong x.",0.9728,positive,consoling 1538,depressed,Depressed,speaker,3,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1538,depressed,Depressed,speaker,4,"I do enjoy gaming, it helps me a lot. I typically get socialization just from playing games with people haha. I’d say playing on my xbox/computer is the only thing that still makes me feel joy. ",0.9349,positive,joyful 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",speaker,1,"So this girl I really like who makes me feel better and she always encourages me to do stuff that I would never do but she gave me hope etc buy then she randomly got a boyfriend in September and then she kinda stopped texting me as much and after that she broke up with him a week later and I don't know if she still loves me. I'm to afraid to ask because its been since September and in November or October she told me she misses me and we should talk more. Do you think Im to late or what to ask if she likes me still. Like we talk to this day, but I'm just to scared that she will reject me.",0.742,positive,apprehensive 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",listener_1,2,Shoot your shot boi,-0.34,negative,apprehensive 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",speaker,3,Ughh what if it goes wrong,-0.4767,negative,apprehensive 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",listener_1,4,My grandfather once told me the only thing he regrets is things he didn’t do... and he once skipped class for a field trip with a grade he wasn’t in and ended up getting a tooth pulled but you get the point,-0.1901,negative,neutral 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",listener_2,5,at least you tried and know the outcome. Imagine 30 years from now.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",speaker,6,Ok I'll ask her on Friday nightl,0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",listener_1,7,That’s the spirit!,0.2481,positive,agreeing 1539,depressed,"Depresssed about this girl, I dont know what to do.",listener_1,8,"How do you know that? Try flirting man, you don’t gotta outright ask her out but don’t give up on it if ya really like her",0.6236,positive,neutral 1540,depressed,Is there any hope?,speaker,1,"I've been depressed and struggled with anxiety most of my life. I remember first time I for real wanted to kill myself was in 4th grade. I stood there alone at home in the living room, with a knife to my wrist. The door opens and I run and hide the knife before anyone sees anything. Thats almost 10 years ago, and shit just keeps getting worse.. Today I was put in a voluntary psych ward, and they signed me up for two weeks. But I've tried countless antidepressives and anti-anxiety meds.. Yet nothing helps. And I wont even get proper anti-anxiety meds from anywhere because I smoke/smoked weed. So far therapy hasn't helped either. Is there any hope for people like me? Cuz I cant see none.. ",-0.7119,negative,terrified 1540,depressed,Is there any hope?,listener_1,2,"I've been there, looking into the future and seeing nothing good ever happening. Soon I'm moving to a new city, it feels like going to a new world. I'll have a new job, a new career. No history there to burn me. For the first time in a long time I feel a bit hopeful about things. ""A fresh start"", always seemed like a cliché to me, but now that it's actually happening it feels real. Maybe you need something similar? ",0.4583,positive,hopeful 1540,depressed,Is there any hope?,speaker,3,"I think so, but I can't move. Good luck in your new city, friend.",-0.2568,negative,wishing 1540,depressed,Is there any hope?,listener_1,4,"Best of luck to you too, my man.",0.802,positive,wishing 1541,depressed,Just the casual,speaker,1,"So today i tried to cut my self , but i couldn't make it i was too scared from my parents. If they find out they would take to me a psychologi. I m obese probably 74 kg , i was so sad i eat a two spoonfuls of nutella and ate a lot of other things. I have been doing a healthy diet , but i dunno how i started to going back my old eating habbit. So what should i do, i know it s a stupid thing to do but i feel so lonley and hopeless.",-0.9541,negative,ashamed 1541,depressed,Just the casual,listener_1,2,"Tell your parents, see the doctor. If these things are available to you take advantage now while you still have the opportunity to seek help within the safety of your parents home. Also cutting doesn't ease the pain. It just moves it. And it can kill you. It's never a good idea . Reach out to the adult you trust most. In the end the best thing is you could get tools to deal with the emotions causing you pain. ",0.764,positive,apprehensive 1541,depressed,Just the casual,speaker,3,"Thank you , They would be rejective with me , but i don t want to see the doctor . ",0.0772,positive,neutral 1541,depressed,Just the casual,listener_1,4,Would you care to explain why you would want to see a doctor? And how do you mean rejective? You feel they would dismiss the idea of your issues?,0.3049,positive,questioning 1541,depressed,Just the casual,speaker,5,"Cause this is not normal reaction for the situation? They would just over react the whole thing, i couldn't trust them , that s why i came to the internet . I m terrified of them , they won t see me that perfect child like before they would think i m ill or a moron .",-0.4218,negative,afraid 1541,depressed,Just the casual,listener_1,6,There is so much in that. There is no normal reaction to any situation. A therapist could however help you find better coping tools. What would be the very best reaction they could have? What would put you at ease? You shouldn't expect to be perfect. Because nobody is perfect. Some people are just mediocre and that's ok. And that is an impossible standard to set for a person. I bet your parents dont expect perfection either. Wanting to self harm is a sign of illness. Just like a fever. Which you would go to the doctor to treat. Write a letter to your parents regarding your concerns about feeling the need to be perfect. Put in there not only your fear of over reaction but what you would ideally like. Maybe expect a middle ground there. And then see how the conversation goes. Opening up to your parents is all they want. They aren't mind readers or perfect either. They are just two people who are trying to raise a better person than themselves. ,0.9817,positive,questioning 1542,depressed,I dont have a sense of self,speaker,1,"Bare with me, Im really bad at explaining things. Anyway my best friend my fiance let for a week to see family. Of course I miss him so much hes my best friend but I realized I dont even know who I am anymore and it makes me feel exactly how i did in high school. Fucking horrible I dont even have any hobbies. I dont know what I enjoy. I like going to work sorta? Has anyone found themselves after they lost themselves? I thought i got better. ",0.8528,positive,lonely 1542,depressed,I dont have a sense of self,listener_1,2,I'm here to chat and listen,0.0,neutral,content 1543,depressed,My life is a massive shithole,speaker,1,"I am ugly and stupid, my parents have died and now I started to flunk all of my classes. I am a massive failure, I cannot even keep the one promise I gave to myself; to give all the pain I went through meaning by working hard and living the life that I always dreamed of. I don't want to go in to detail, but I am fucking stupid as I have mentioned, the few people that I love left me, the girl that I loved turns out to never have loved me back and everything I touch and every aspect of my life that I try to improve seems to immediately deteriorate and fall into pieces. On top of that and I know how toxic and despicable that is, i constantly envy other people. I envy and despise all the lucky people who never experienced real tragedy in their lives, I hate all the people who are born beautiful and smart. I hate them because some people get everything one could possibly dream of and why? Just because they were lucky, maybe just because there is some kind of arbitrary metaphysical law that determines whether some random people are going to grow up in wealthy happy family or in a shithole. I won't give up, I cannot not, If I would I would hate myself even more and still this is too much pain to bear. When will the pain stop, how long do I have to experience one failure after another. I do not believe in God, I do not believe in good, I do not believe in morality, I do not believe in love, I don't think there is a universal purpose in life, I don't know what is going to keep me going. (My writing is probably shitty as well, lovely greeting from Germany, the massive shitole that I live in)",-0.888,negative,ashamed 1543,depressed,My life is a massive shithole,listener_1,2,"Please get professional help. Medication can make life liveable. Your life is not shit, it's the chicken before the egg. First fix your brain chemistry, the rest will follow",0.7859999999999999,positive,hopeful 1543,depressed,My life is a massive shithole,speaker,3,"I already tried, maybe I will try again. But there are two main problems, the first one is that here in Germany it's really difficult to find a therapist and I will most likely have to wait for several months, the second problem is that I do not know whether therapy actually works for me. I had a therapist once, but it didn't really help, at the end of the day I was the only person that was able to drag me out of my misery. Well, maybe I had a bad therapist. I want to note, even though I am in great pain, I am not suicidal. There are just too many people that rely on me, for instance, my siblings that I now have to take care of. And I can always push through, but this is not how I want to live every second of my life. I am just tired and I need to find purpose in life again.",-0.9505,negative,suggesting 1543,depressed,My life is a massive shithole,listener_1,4,"Maybe a passion in life or a hobby? Working with animals, or playing music. I myself went into science. ",0.5859,positive,hopeful 1544,depressed,How I feel (in a weird nutshell kinda way),speaker,1,"I am by no means a writer, and am not asking for constructive criticism. I sat in my room, sobbing as I stared at medication I desperately wanted to overdose on. But then I turned to my notebook and wrote this instead. It’s not meant to be good or bad. Just my feelings as a metaphor. ::::::::: I am drowning. Into the abyss of the ocean, I am slowly floating away. Distant from reality, I am forever grasping for air as I sink deeper and deeper. Far away, I see land and scream SOS. No one hears me, as I am too far from the shore. As land goes on, I continue to sink. I fight, I gasp, and I beg for mercy. And then I go under. My lungs fill with water as I slowly get deeper into the great blue. Then nothing. ",-0.7096,negative,ashamed 1544,depressed,How I feel (in a weird nutshell kinda way),listener_1,2,"Never try to OD on random pills. Most types of pills won't do anything but make you very sick, damage your organs and make life more painful and you want less pain. You want less pain.",-0.9733,negative,apprehensive 1544,depressed,How I feel (in a weird nutshell kinda way),listener_2,3,Seems like OP just wanted to share some personal writing and already knows the futility of ODs.,0.5719,positive,surprised 1544,depressed,How I feel (in a weird nutshell kinda way),listener_1,4,Could be but every day people try to OD on antidepressants or Advil and get badly hurt so just in case.......,-0.8674,negative,suggesting 1545,depressed,"I'm likeable, not loveable",speaker,1,"According to all the 5 girls I've liked I am a great friend, but that's it. 5th one just happened, and it was a serious punch to the gut. At this point it's definitely me. Am I not supposed to be loved? That's a really scary thought, living life without being loved. If that's gonna be my life I'm not gonna live it. ",0.6176,positive,sad 1545,depressed,"I'm likeable, not loveable",listener_1,2,If you have a circle of female friends they might set you up with someone? ,0.4767,positive,questioning 1545,depressed,"I'm likeable, not loveable",listener_2,3,I like you stranger :),0.6705,positive,acknowledging 1546,depressed,15. Stuck in a philosophical hell.,speaker,1,"I am 15 but I just want to cry. I want, for a moment, to be nothing. To be reborn. To come into the world another person than I am now. It all began for me in July. I suffer with depersonalization or something of the sort I don't even know and I began to question myself, MY identity. I look in the mirror and see a stranger. I notice my bones and my body and the way I feel but I feel like it is merely a shell I am floating above. Over this past July, several times, at night, I would just silently scream into my pillow. Or burst into tears at a stall in the gym bathroom. I would look at my eyes in the mirror and ask myself, ""who is that?"" and I felt like for some reason this girl, wasn't me, she never existed, life is fake, I am not me, who even am ""i""? It was a perfectly normal July day but this feeling came out of nowhere and this existential otherworldly philosophical hell literally began FOR NO DAMN REASON. And I worry I have a brain tumor, I worry that is why I get DP symptoms and why I sound like a crazy person....literally questioning my identity. Not in a ""I don't know if i'm shy or edgy kind of way"" but in a like ""what is my existence, how do I know I am me, who even is me, by the way???"" And 5 months later here we are. I worry that day in July ruined me forever. Depression has thickened throughout the month. It now sticks to my bones like a tar I can't rid myself of. I am 15 but I feel 80. I feel done with the world and my mind. I feel sick of my mind that turns everything into a question. I wonder if that day in July when I had a DP attack and began that line of questioning, I crossed a threshold I can never get back, and I will never be quite the same. It has been five months and I think it is clear now, that I am gone. And in the thick of it all I really did want to kill myself. My mind collapsed for no reason. I have no history of trauma or abuse. there was no stress in my life. But I have this fucking thought disorder or cancer I don't know which and I am killing myself already. I want to cry because I feel alone, not just alone.....that word doesn't even do it justice. It is like the emptiest, bottomless, pit of hell....it's like being dangled at the edge of space, a black expanse before you heading into eternity, and you are being dropped down into it. There is no God or anyone to save you. That emptiness that first debuted in July startled me. It was more painful and scary than anything I have experienced.....suddenly feeling that all of these cues for comfort - your home, your bed, your phone.....no longer offer any solace. If I have to live the rest of my life like this, in this weird state with a mental issue no one else can understand, I might just have to take that leap to death.",-0.9983,negative,sad 1546,depressed,15. Stuck in a philosophical hell.,listener_1,2,"Man, you're young. You have so much to grow and learn as the years go by. Im only 21 years old but I feel the same way you do. I got kicked out of the Air Force, MY DREAM. I was depressed and maybe still am. But from a lot of thinking, I realize it maybe wasn't for me. I don't know your dreams and aspirations but I know this. You go through life looking for a place in it. You ask other people for advice and take it but nothing they say sticks and you're left with feeling ""I don't know"". The thing you have to do is make peace with ""I don't know who I am."" And start working to find out who that is. Try this and try that. Find what you love and find what hate. That would put you on the track of ""self."" And I have to say you still have some life ahead of you and might as well start exploring now or be stuck restarting like me. Also know you are never alone. Feel free to message me if you wanna rant and shit. I'm a dumbass and depressive but that doesn't mean I can't help. You'll get through it. Have faith you'll find something and life and pray for the wisdom to latch onto your dreams and stick through it. You're alright, you're growing up and it's okay to feel this way. ",0.7169,positive,sad 1546,depressed,15. Stuck in a philosophical hell.,listener_2,3,"As a guy who has received this advice far more times than once, I believe the pen and mind make an excellent duo to accompany a lonely soul - sculpt feelings into something more than the bottle we subdue them in, inside our core.",0.29600000000000004,positive,confident 1546,depressed,15. Stuck in a philosophical hell.,listener_1,4,"I agree honestly, write",0.6705,positive,agreeing 1546,depressed,15. Stuck in a philosophical hell.,listener_3,5,"Art for me has always been a good way of venting frustration for me, can vouch for this.",-0.0516,negative,agreeing 1547,depressed,My thoughts,speaker,1,"I’m depressed, severely so. It’s gotten to the point that I think about dying almost every day. Nothing matters to me, I can’t motivate myself and I can’t connect with people. I keep feeling in the back of my mind that my friends don’t actually like me, my family resents me and I don’t deserve to live. I’m a failure, a recluse, a layabout and a nobody. When I finally give in I wonder how many people will care that I’m gone. I figure during my high school reunion someone will ask what happened to me and then somebody casually answers that I “lost his battle with depression” to which I would say from beyond the grave “battles have two sides, what depression and I had was not a battle but a gradual consumption”. I think I’ll die this year. I don’t really think I want to die but I can’t see a better way out of this horrible mortal coil. Life has become something without value. I hope I die this year, I don’t know how much longer I can last with this chain of sadness. My family tells me that I should get some help. It’s too late for that, my life has passed that point of no return, my only hope is that I run away from my past and move somewhere far away like Hawaii, Japan or Australia. I’m going insane slowly. I think I have the first signs of schizophrenia and I keep thinking that I hear voices of people I know and have conversations with them when I’m by myself. I cried myself to sleep last night and will probably continue to do so until I finally break. I need help but refuse to take it. I deserve to die. I want to die. Perhaps my end is just a new beginning, but even if it isn’t, an ending is better than an endless hell. ",-0.9926,negative,sad 1547,depressed,My thoughts,speaker,2,"As an addendum: I refuse to vocalize or speak up to my friends and family about this, as such I realize I am destroying my life and don’t expect or want help or sympathy. However if someone could read my mind and tell me what’s going on in there I’d love to meet you.",0.7906,positive,faithful 1547,depressed,My thoughts,listener_1,3,You say you believe you've passed the point of no return. Why do you think that?,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 1547,depressed,My thoughts,listener_2,4,Promotion of religious ideology is not allowed here. Please edit your comment and it may be re-approved.,-0.2411,negative,angry 1548,depressed,I just need some help,speaker,1,"I have been struggling for some time now, not suicidal in nature, but with a void. I feel empty, lacking motivation, desire, and happiness. Don't get me wrong, at times i can feel cheerful, and everything seems ok. But then when I least expect it this looming emptiness takes over and i just feel nothing. I really just want to know if anyone else is going through something like this and what methods worked for them. I listen to music religiously, and sleep in spontanious amounts ranging from 6 to 12 hours. I work out 4 times a week, and nothing has helped thus far. TL;DR: I need some help dealing with a hole in my soul.",0.9709,positive,lonely 1548,depressed,I just need some help,listener_1,2,"""Hole in the Soul"" is a common issue and one way to resolve it is to fill it with something greater than yourself. ",0.6249,positive,grateful 1548,depressed,I just need some help,listener_2,3,"Like volunteering. OP, look for volunteer organizations in your area. ",0.3612,positive,suggesting 1549,depressed,I don’t want to die i just want to disappear,speaker,1,"I’ve been struggling with feeling this way for a long time now and I don’t know what to make of it. I have everything and more that anyone could possibly want in life but for some reason I just want to be gone and not have to deal with anything. Being alive feels like a chore at this point*. *i don’t want to, and will not kill myself.",0.921,positive,lonely 1549,depressed,I don’t want to die i just want to disappear,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel. I feel the same way - I’m not suicidal but often think that I just... don’t like life very much, as a premise. But you just try to find things you do enjoy, as much as possible. Remember that every person will have their day to die. We are, as I put it, “all just in Death’s waiting room.” So read whatever magazines you choose ;) ",0.7045,positive,agreeing 1549,depressed,I don’t want to die i just want to disappear,speaker,3,That’s some good fuckin advice thank you!,0.7158,positive,acknowledging 1549,depressed,I don’t want to die i just want to disappear,listener_1,4,Glad to be of help! ,0.7177,positive,sympathizing 1550,depressed,I feel depressed after achieving something that should make me happy.,speaker,1,"Today i finished up my last test of my college career, and i will now be graduating summa cum laude. I should feel happy, i should be bouncing off the walls with excitement, but i just feel empty. ",0.3071,positive,sad 1550,depressed,I feel depressed after achieving something that should make me happy.,listener_1,2,Hey Pm me!! I'm here to talk,0.0,neutral,joyful 1550,depressed,I feel depressed after achieving something that should make me happy.,listener_2,3,why don't you actually respond to posts? Clearly you are not here to talk if you won't actually talk when someone already initiates conversation on the post. ,0.4019,positive,questioning 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,speaker,1,"First post. Throughout my life I've been lovelorn, still am. Had a shitty childhood wherein I was the perennial butt of jokes, had am abusive family, and a very limited number of friends, a number cut down often because of having gone through 6 different schools, never finished school, never went to college, shit hit the fan a little too hard for any of that to happen, was broke for years, got into a retail job, took the bullshit that retail entails, finally found a niche to become self employed and somewhat self sustaining however tight and fragile the situation always is. Became a rebound, had a civil breakup, tried rekindling, stupid choice, lead ro breakdowns and emotional damage again and again. At the end of it all, I'm ok with my life as it is now, just not the fact that I'm painfully single and have little to no evidence to serve as a basis for me to ""believe"" that I will ever be loved, tried to just accept that fact, failed, can anyone here help me destroy my desire for love? ",-0.932,negative,ashamed 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,listener_1,2,"Aye man I feel you on this, feeling alone, like there is a space left hollow that no matter how hard you try to fill it’s like a black hole that leaves nothing but you alone in your mind. When it changes from feeling alone to knowing that’s how it will remain is one of the worst parts. But personally it helped to learn how to be content alone, keep in mind I’m still not a happy person but once being alone stops being a burden and more of just another day in the life, it gets a little easier... just a little ",-0.9403,negative,lonely 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,speaker,3,"Can you tell me how you managed to just be content being alone? I tend to drown myself in work, temporary fix really ",-0.6908,negative,lonely 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,listener_1,4,Well honestly I tried everything I could to find a girl I could vibe with but I got rejected...a lot. A lot of times they would make a lot of rude comments to me and such too so I kinda just got tired of it. I don’t particularly like myself in the first place and the constant rejection and demeaning comments just wore me down into a depression and I stopped trying.. stopped caring about a lot of things including myself but eventually it just becomes your version of normal. But when good things happen I learned to appreciate them more. Gradually life just ..kinda just hurts less but it will never be easy. At least in my experience so far,-0.8969,negative,sad 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,speaker,5,I suppose I can only wait and suffer more till there's nothing left. Sucks to have a blind optimist somewhere beneath all that realism. ,-0.1754,negative,disappointed 1551,depressed,Any non-open-ended or illogical help here?,listener_1,6,"I hear that man. My best advice is just live. Go about your life, don’t worry about being alone just do what you want. I’m told eventually I’ll run into someone doing the same shit and we might hit it off. The theory is to be determined but if life’s a poker game, the only option is to play your hand and make what you can of it even if you have to bluff your way through to the end",0.7964,positive,hopeful 1552,depressed,"I've never posted on redit before but this I suppose will be my first, let's see how this goes...",speaker,1,"Sometimes I wonder why everyone around me manages the be so happy, they get everything they want, get the girl/guy of their dreams and live happily ever after. It don't make sense to me. I've had a lot of shit go on at the moment, I've got teachers bullying me, and I'm in trouble right now for headbutting one of my so called friends for making fun of my dreppresion and anxiety. My nan might die aswell, so a lot of stuff on my plate. Going back to the guy/girl of someone's dreams, this is one of the main parts that eating away at me. About 2 months ago (may seem like a long time to some but for me this shit means the world) I ,somehow, managed to go out with a girl so amazing in my eyes. Everytime I saw her, my chest felt like nothing, having her close brightened up every aspect of my life. She broke up with me because of reasons that she didn't want to tell me...I see this girl almost everyday at school. I've tried to avoid her because honestly, seeing her cripples me. I, right now am struggling with everything to do with her. The part with me headbutting a so called friend for making fun of my mental health has taken a toll too. This kid is part of my group at school and a lot of people think that he is the most innocent person to ever walk the earth. He's been making digs at me for the past 2 years and because of the comment on my mental state, I snapped. Because of me headbutting the kid, I've lost pretty much all of my friends because the all think he's done nothing wrong. Bear in mind my group consist of around 4 or 5 people...I now have one person I can go to and talk to. Right now, my entire world is falling apart, loosing friends, family, and the people I wanted to be with forever....at this moment in time I don't know what to do with myself. I've thought of talking up and taking part in the #imstillaman as Well. I kniw some of you on here might think my problems are miniscule compared to some things in life, but I honestly just needed to find a way to let everything go before I breakdown...if anybody has even read all of this, thank you for listening to me.",0.9915,positive,jealous 1552,depressed,"I've never posted on redit before but this I suppose will be my first, let's see how this goes...",listener_1,2,"That's a whole lotsa shit storm right there. I would try to talk to your friend in person that you head butted and apologize for lashing out. 1) because if he's always joked like this, that would have came as a rude awakening, also highly illegal, its assault. Never harm another, it always hurts you more 2) talk to your counselor at school about what's going on with your teachers . They are there to guide you and help you. 3)talk to your other friends and apologize for hurting the mutual friend, because it was wrong. Dont add a reason you did it. Just accept responsibility and leave it at that. Later you can talk privately about how you're depressed . That way you aren't making excuses for your actions. 4) the girl isn't the one. I get it sucks, but it's better now than later. And you will look back and see you survived this and gather strength. Remember how this feels and dont do it to anyone else. 5) I'm so sorry about Nan , that's the worst. Nothing will make that better. Let her know now how much she means to you. Ask her all the questions. This is just another of lifes messages and learning experiences. It hurts and you will learn from the pain. This isn't stupid by any means. Its all very reasonable and expected at your age. In fact I would feel sorry for you if you never learned these lessons. Life isn't perfect for anyone. Remember you are just looking in at what people want you to see. Like a display window. Nobody is going around showing all their pain. Try to focus your energy on goals. Small easy ones to accomplish. Clean your room. Make your bed. Do your chores. Simple things. And create more goals as you go. I'm so sorry the world is still too toxic for young men to share their emotions. It gets better when you focus on the simple good things you got going for you. They might be hard to find. But start with the simple stuff, you have food and shelter. So good luck honey, it will be better. And if these emotions become more of a problem or something you can't handle, write your parents a note. Ask for help .keep asking until you get it. ",0.9833,positive,angry 1552,depressed,"I've never posted on redit before but this I suppose will be my first, let's see how this goes...",speaker,3,"Hey, look I know it's been what a good 2 months but, I was wondering if we could talk? ",0.2382,positive,suggesting 1553,depressed,"hello darkness my old friend, nice of you to fucking come again",speaker,1,you know when you can feel yourself going into a phat slump of depression but because your actually already depressed you just do nothing about it and sleep &#x200B; bc right now same :/,-0.872,negative,sad 1553,depressed,"hello darkness my old friend, nice of you to fucking come again",listener_1,2,More like enraged and just want to let out a primal scream and am happy that my husband has yet to buy a gun because I know my temper and guns don’t mix. People fail to realize that knowing yourself well enough to not own a gun is also the responsible thing to do.,-0.2845,negative,angry 1553,depressed,"hello darkness my old friend, nice of you to fucking come again",speaker,3,fair,0.3182,positive,surprised 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,1,"I've been depressed off and on for as long as I can remember, but about a month ago it got worse than ever before. I don't know why but it suddenly came on hard and I was in agony for about 2 weeks. I pushed my family away by ignoring or pissing them off enough to leave me alone. It bottomed out with me coming very close to killing myself. After which I somehow managed to pull myself out of it by promising to ""live my life."" I was planning on being more outgoing, making friends, and actually doing something with my weekends. And until a couple days ago it was working. But recently I've been down and tonight its hitting me pretty hard. Today I was at a job site and found a razor blade laying around. I immediately grabbed it and stuffed it in my pocket. I've managed to not cut myself for almost a year (even through my last bout of depression) but when I saw that brand new razor just sitting there I knew the battle was over. All day I rubbed my fingers over the smooth metal sides, waiting until I could get home and use it. When I finally got off work I cranked some depressing music and cut myself. I've been trying so hard for the past 2 years to be happy but I just don't see a purpose to life anymore. I feel like I can never be happy in a normal way, and that there's something deeply wrong with me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I wanna just go to sleep and never wake up. ",-0.9814,negative,devastated 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,listener_1,2,How close are you to a suicide attempt? Please reach out for intervention either way.,-0.4767,negative,questioning 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,3,As soon as I can summon the courage ,0.4939,positive,confident 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,4,Kind of. I just feel numb to everything. I try not to cut but when it gets really bad it's the only thing that keeps me going. Sometimes I feel like it's just me and my razor. ,-0.2576,negative,lonely 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,5,I can't find the pros though. Everything that once made me happy has run dry or just doesn't make me happy anymore. I don't like this life. It just feels pointless ,-0.1048,negative,sad 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,listener_1,6,"I understand constant suicidal ideation. Still, don't harm yourself. Your existential problems are fixable; give yourself a chance.",-0.5187,negative,agreeing 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,listener_2,7,"Why do you think it feels pointless? Also, our feelings aren’t necessarily a guide to truth. That’s probably the most helpful realization I’ve ever had, btw. ",0.659,positive,agreeing 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,8,"It's hard to describe but basically, when I was a kid I was always working towards something, when I was in school I was working towards graduating each year, to get to high school. When I was in high school I was working towards graduating and taking a gap year, during my gap year I was working towards getting a good job and moving out on my own. I practically deifyed the day when I would finally be on my own with a job and car and all that. But here I am and I just feel massively let down by what the world has to offer. It's almost like I'm bored of living. Idk what to do anymore. I'm 20 years old and the thought of spending another 60 or so years seems like so much work. I just wanna give up. I can't take it all. I don't know ",0.8048,positive,hopeful 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,speaker,9,I just don't get what I'm supposed to working towards. You work all day so that one day you can retire and do nothing but what's the point. Everyone I know is out there living their life and that's their purpose in life I guess but that isn't appealing to me. I just don't see the point. ,0.0,neutral,jealous 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,listener_2,10,"Also I’m here if you ever need to talk. Take care, I’m gonna try to sleep. ",0.4939,positive,caring 1554,depressed,Just a story about depression and a razor blade,listener_2,11,"I have no intentions of retiring, myself. I’m reminded of this story I heard about a guy who was real depressed but instead of killing himself he went to Mexico to do blow and hookers and came back very self/life-affirmed indeed. Now I’m not recommending going that far, but perhaps there is something in your life you could change, take a healthy risk on - after all if you’re this miserable you don’t have a ton to lose. As far as the point - I think we have to set our own standards (which can be dangerous sometimes, something I’m dealing with but that’s another story), which essentially helps us define what the point is for ourselves. There’s no “cosmic perspective” that can orient us in the real world (at least personally I don’t buy it), we have to do it ourselves. This means we’re left rudderless, in a sense, but it’s also freeing because it means life is the ultimate sandbox game. And like most games, not all of it is fun, but often and with the right perspective (and maybe meds if needed, I’m starting to consider going down that road myself), it can be. It’s kind of an interesting philosophical paradox isn’t it? The thing that makes life a grand adventure is the same thing that makes it seem pointless... If you want to feel better though, you’ll have to do some real reflecting and I hope you do that - probably having a professional if you can get one would be best. Also another thing I try to keep in mind: every one will have their day to die - there’s no reason to make it sooner rather than later, because the result will be the same, except if it’s sooner a bunch of people will be hurt unnecessarily, and you won’t get to see the whole movie - the endings can often be the best parts. After all, what’s a good story arc without bad stuff?? ",0.9568,positive,apprehensive 1555,depressed,Cant get over the past!!! Advice please??,speaker,1,Everyday I wake up and I think about my old job I had for 10 years. I made alot of mistakes there due to being young and in my learning stages. Friends and co-workers would hound me about my mistakes. They would talk behind my back. Even got to a point we're I over herd a really good friend saying he didn't even no how I still worked there. That hurt so bad. I called him out on it and he denied it. Even though I made mistakes I guess they weren't bad enough to get fired and I lasted 10 years. I finally left because I was tired of getting treated like a dumb kid still and wanted to be known as good at my job an a grown man. Things are better now and it's been 3 years but the pain still hurts. Everyday I replay the things these so called friends said to me and said behind my back.i have no trust in people any more and I'm paranoid because those so called friends would be nice to my face and even go to the point to wanna hangout out of work. Then they wanna talk shit at work. How to I let all this negative stuff go? My new job is great. There are still assholes but that's a given. I'm happy overall. It's just I'm obsessed with my past job and all that has happened. Please give me some advice?,-0.8828,negative,ashamed 1555,depressed,Cant get over the past!!! Advice please??,listener_1,2,"I'm not very good at following this advice all the time, but sometimes it does work for me..... When those thoughts enter your head, acknowledge it factually. Not that it was good or bad or sad, just that it happened, tell yourself that, ok, this happened, but it's in the past. Then I imagine myself putting it into a file folder, opening up a file cabinet and putting the folder into it and closing the drawer and locking it. Then force yourself into a different thought - could be anything, focus on how your shoes are tied, think of an earworm song that will get stuck in your head, or come up with one or two ""Go To Memories"" of happy times, maybe something from when you were a kid or an accomplishment that makes you proud - there has to be one or two of those - and purposely focus on that. If the negative memory pops back up, visualize the file folder again, unlock the cabinet, and put the folder back in, and lock the drawer. It takes some work, but I have found out to be helpful. Good luck, I hope you can forgive yourself and allow yourself to let go of the past and move on.",0.945,positive,nostalgic 1555,depressed,Cant get over the past!!! Advice please??,listener_2,3,Thanks for this,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1556,depressed,My life has been one long endless hell with an occasional ray of sunshine.,speaker,1,"Hi. This is my first post to Reddit and I really wasn’t planning on making this my very first post. However- I’m really running out of options of what else to do. See, back in my late teens I was diagnosed with various mental health disorders which have plagued my life. I’m not saying they ruined they life. No- that didn’t happen at first. First, my families’ endless needs took over and instead of caring for myself I took care of them. Then, when it seemed that maybe I could possibly have a life - I started going to college and all seemed well- I found out I was pregnant. Anyway, I ended up having my son and I absolutely loved him but after a few years I was having severe breakdowns and hallucinations. I was scared how my mental state was affecting his mental health and well being and so I willing gave him up to his father’s family even though it broke my heart into a million pieces. From that moment on I tried desperately to try to get better or at least functional so that he could at least live with me again. However- when that time came he told me that he loved me but he did not want to live with me. Again my heart broke. So now I had no idea what I was supposed to do with my life and so after some time had passed ( I had been quite antisocial) I tried to make friends. While it didn’t go well at first I ended up meeting (let’s call him C.L.) C.L. So C.L. and I started out as friends and we were quite close. We spoke every day. Sometimes we spoke every hour we were awake. C.L. knew my issues and I thought he respected them but eventually he pushed for a relationship and honestly I would have backed down but I was starting to catch feelings by that time so I agreed. C.L. spent nights at my house and in ways started acting like we were in a relationship. In other ways- he would push me away. Because of my mental problems it drove me insane. I tried to take space so I could get some clarity and when I would he would freak out that I wasn’t talking to him. Finally I decided to come right out after months of this behavior and tell him how I felt. He reciprocated by telling me that we were just friends. We fought and I thought it was over. But weeks later C.L. contacted me and since then things have been weird between us. I know this is about depression and not about relationships but what C.L. is putting me through is making me severely unstable and borderline suicidal. I don’t know how to deal with this. I do love and care about him but I don’t know what it’s going to take for me to stop talking to him. I need to find something healthy in my life and this isn’t it. Please help!!",0.9796,positive,ashamed 1556,depressed,My life has been one long endless hell with an occasional ray of sunshine.,listener_1,2,"You started writing about depression and your history with mental illness and then the thing became all about CL. It doesn't sound like CL is the healthiest person for you and it doesn't even sound like you really ever even wanted to be in a relationship with CL. It's amazing how good we, who suffer with mental issues, are at finding that one in a thousand sociopath or manipulator, someone who is capable of turning ourselves against ourselves. I agree: you need to find one healthy thing in your life, one healthy habit and repeat it every day. Could be something small. Meditation. Yoga. Do it every day and then build to two healthy things. Etc. Get toxic sludge out of your life or it'll continue to poison you.",0.3138,positive,agreeing 1556,depressed,My life has been one long endless hell with an occasional ray of sunshine.,speaker,3,"Even with the help it’s still unbearably hard, or so it seems so to me. Though I will admit that having a good therapist/ psychiatrist can often help you sort through things when you’re brain is going a mile a minute.",0.8271,positive,neutral 1556,depressed,My life has been one long endless hell with an occasional ray of sunshine.,listener_2,4,"Yeah, Ive always lived with other people like roommates or girlfriend so I always had people around and once I moved out and lived alone is when it started getting worse. I think having a good therapist /psych would help me a lot because keeping it all in to myself is tearing me apart. I've just let it get so bad that I just can't make the call to set an appointment. ",-0.075,negative,lonely 1557,depressed,Dem Holiday Blues,speaker,1,"On the last Thursday of August, my job let me go. Sales had slowed waay down and so they cut me (back-office operations guy). I was unemployed through September and October and finally found work in my field in mid-November. Now it's Dec 21 and our savings are gone, we had to borrower money to make the mortgage, and I've already sold my motorcycle, guitar, and a few other toys. My wife and I have a total Christmas budget of ~$100. We didn't get a tree, we just did our respective office's secret santa and bought gifts for our niece and nephew. It really sucks to be the man and have nothing to give your wife. I just want to cry. ",-0.6335,negative,devastated 1557,depressed,Dem Holiday Blues,listener_1,2,At least you have each other. Some of us are cuddling dogs and cats.,0.0,neutral,trusting 1557,depressed,Dem Holiday Blues,listener_2,3,My wife prefers cuddling the cats. :),0.4588,positive,sentimental 1557,depressed,Dem Holiday Blues,listener_2,4,virtus junxit mors non separabit I wish you the best. ,0.7845,positive,wishing 1557,depressed,Dem Holiday Blues,listener_3,5,Thank you. Hope your holidays are great!,0.908,positive,encouraging 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,speaker,1,Most days are good. I push through days for my husband and my step son. I dont know if i can do it anymore. My husband doesnt get depression and I always feel alone and like hes angry. He tells me hes tired of the same argument with no result. I cant help it some days are easier other days I dont want to leave my bed. Other days I wish I wasnt here. I'm just a waste of space. I think of divorcing him all the time because I think he would be happier. I'm laying here in bed crying and he says well there goes the holiday weekend went to shit. Hes unhappy with me. Me being gone would make life so much easier and he would be better off. Al I do is bring him down and upset him. I dont know why hes still with me. ,-0.2003,negative,lonely 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,listener_1,2,Have you pursued professional help? ,0.4019,positive,questioning 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,speaker,3,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,speaker,4,I am seeing someone and talking to them and I am also on medication as well. Like I said I have good days and bad days. I bust my ass so hard for this family while trying to fight my depression. And I feel so unappreciative. Also my birthday was the 13th and and he made me cry on my birthday and all I asked for was a birthday card with some love in it. I didnt even get that. He tried to say I let my depression define me. I dont I fight so hard but its jot easy and some days my depression wins. ,-0.1591,negative,sad 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,listener_2,5,I feel for you so badly :(... I always said I have my bad days and my really bad days. Every day is a battle but like you said you don't always win. He is actually making it harder on you. I felt like I had to hide my depression from my ex and holding all of that inside made it so much harder in the end. ,-0.9127,negative,sentimental 1558,depressed,Divorce because he doesnt get depression and hed be happier without me,listener_1,6,"You basically answered your question in your response to someone else. You are trying hard, he does not appreciate you, he makes you cry. Whether or not you have depression, is this the type of relationship you want to be in? If you are already seeking help, you can first try marriage therapy. If he's unwilling or doesn't change, you have your answer. ",0.0618,positive,questioning 1559,depressed,Do you?,speaker,1,Does anybody ever get the urge to drive full speed into a wall or off a bridge?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1559,depressed,Do you?,listener_1,2,Watch this. Note when he says that every single person who survived regretted jumping the second they did. https://youtu.be/WcSUs9iZv-g,0.1779,positive,impressed 1559,depressed,Do you?,speaker,3,l’appel du vide is the French term ,0.0,neutral,disgusted 1559,depressed,Do you?,speaker,4,I’ve seen that before ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1560,depressed,I just want to fall down the rabbit hole...,speaker,1,"Honestly, nothing ever gets better. It only gets worse and worse. I have tried doing what my therapist says, what all these ridiculous self help books say, trying to take people’s advice. None of it matters. I am getting progressively more depressed every day. I just want to give up for good. I just want to fall down the rabbit hole and find out what’s on the other side. I don’t think anything is going to make it better. I don’t understand why no matter how hard I try things just get even worse than they were before. It’s like I shouldn’t even bother trying at all... I don’t know. ",-0.7308,negative,sad 1560,depressed,I just want to fall down the rabbit hole...,listener_1,2,"Do you enjoy basic entertainments, foods, games? Or almost nothing gets your mind in a more stable place? Personally, I sometimes live like a basic human, just sleeping/eating and amusing myself until I feel like doing more interesting/important activities.",0.9428,positive,content 1560,depressed,I just want to fall down the rabbit hole...,speaker,3,For awhile things like that worked but now I just feel depressed 24/7. I have been trying really hard to make things in my life better and it just gets worse. I just think I’m worthless.,-0.8717,negative,sad 1560,depressed,I just want to fall down the rabbit hole...,listener_1,4,"Understood about ""worth"", but that label is also situational. From there, perspective is key.",0.1154,positive,neutral 1560,depressed,I just want to fall down the rabbit hole...,speaker,5,"Thanks. I’m sure I will take you up on your offer. It does help to have people who will at least listen,",0.7845,positive,trusting 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,1,"[TRIGGER WARNING] I have been married to DH for 7 months, and for once in my life I thought that I was actually happy. DH is the best thing that has ever happened to me and is so supportive. I love him, I just feel like I'm not happy. Not in our relationship, but with life. This feeling got worse when I found out I am pregnant. I should be excited, and I am. But I'm more scared and depressed than anything. I don't want to end up like my JN mom who drove me to want to kill myself. The whole thought process that I will, along with being in the military, and being pregnant on top of it has brought me to self harming. Everytime when something goes wrong I resort to this bittersweet pain of cutting for relief. I am scared I'm going to hurt myself beyond repair and end up leaving behind my husband with a dead wife and unborn child. I dont know what to do because I can't quit.",-0.9882,negative,content 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",listener_1,2,"Are you too far along to terminate? Dealing with depression is a full time job and add to that a new baby it can be really stressful and beyond of what you're capable of dealing with at this moment in time. Maybe you could seek out professional help both therapy and a psychiatrist. And whatever you do please talk to your husband, so he knows what to watch for and how to help you. Communication is key in a relationship. Best of luck OP!",0.8590000000000001,positive,suggesting 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,3,Thank you very much.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",listener_2,4,absolutely NOT ok,-0.2884,negative,agreeing 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,5,"Well when two people really love each other, they give each other a really long hug! And a few months later a baby comes along! Golly wow. Such wow. Much amaze. But for real, I'm married and will be 20 when the baby is born. Some of us start early. Nothing wrong with that. ",0.9377,positive,surprised 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",listener_3,6,Was it intentional to have a baby or it just happened ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,7,We weren't planning on the baby. But we are excited about it now. I'm just considerably less excited than someone should be. Dont get me wrong I already love it.,0.9461,positive,surprised 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",listener_3,8,Having a baby at this age is not a burden for u two now?,0.3412,positive,questioning 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,9,Its more or less the fact that I am chronically depressed. And the fact I feel like I'll end up like my mother. That's what drives me to self harm. He makes me happy but there is still a part of me that is always sad.,-0.5719,negative,sad 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,10,"Nope, we are actually very stable. Although I'm in the military, my husband has a very good career and we make a lot more money than people would assume. We've already traveled across Europe and eventually will go to Japan. We have two cars a nice house and a dog. Mentally he is excited and I am mature enough for this. Although we may be a little young, it doesn't change anything. We can still explore with our babies once they're older. We can still do sports and have friends over. We dont drink anyway so it's fine, we dont like to party. ",0.926,positive,content 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",listener_3,11,"Thats exactly why I brought up the issue of giving birth too early in life. You re too dependent on him and thats not good. Having a baby kind of, give people more room and purpose to thrive for but again at times this is not a solution that has long term benefit, other than being a burden. I feel u because m sister is in the same position. ",-0.0248,neutral,agreeing 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,12,"Also as I previously mentioned the baby wasnt planned so it isnt a solution to anything. But neither is it a problem. I understand you have your own opinions about being pregnant too early in life, and having kids at a young age might ultimately ruin things. But other people (myself included) dont think the same way as you. ",-0.8815,negative,agreeing 1561,depressed,"I [19F] am pregnant and married, but self harming.",speaker,13,"Right now we live apart, I have my own job, my own friends, and hobbies. Loving him doesnt make me dependent on him. I can depend on him to be there, but I'm also an adult and I can handle myself. He is in Japan for work. I've been good for the two months he has been gone. Yes he may be the breadwinner but I bring a lot to the plate as well. It isnt a one way street. In marriage you depend on each other, you hold each other up and support each other. Through the bad and the good. So NO I'm not TOO dependent on him. If I was, I would crying to see himevery day, and being a whiney bitch about how he isnt here and how I need him to do everything for me. I'm the polar opposite of that. I handle my business (keeping him in the loop) and he handles his.",-0.5063,negative,content 1562,depressed,Recently started taking anti-depressants and I feel worse than I could ever have imagined,speaker,1,"Every day I wake up and I feel like I have absolutely nothing to live for, there's nothing I enjoy except a couple songs that I'm pretty sure I'll grow tired of by tomorrow. I have no idea what to do to overcome this at all. Everything was relatively okay, I was happy from time to time and I had a bit of motivation to improve myself. Then I started seeing a psychiatrist, describing how I've been feeling to her she recommended anti-depressants. At first I felt nothing whatsoever, then 2 weeks later I felt some side effects but they were not that bad. Then I started feeling more and more depressed every day, first simply staying in bed and not getting out for a week, and now I go hours and hours feeling extremely sad and lonely. I have no motivation to do anything and I feel like I have no one to bring this up to because I don't want to bother my friends or family. Sorry if this is not the right place to post this in, I'm just desperate for some kind of help.",0.2426,positive,content 1562,depressed,Recently started taking anti-depressants and I feel worse than I could ever have imagined,listener_1,2,"You in the right place, thanks for sharing your feelings. If I could offer advice? Don’t assume your burdening someone before you’ve even said anything. Hope things get better.",0.8442,positive,questioning 1562,depressed,Recently started taking anti-depressants and I feel worse than I could ever have imagined,speaker,3,Thanks friend,0.7269,positive,wishing 1562,depressed,Recently started taking anti-depressants and I feel worse than I could ever have imagined,speaker,4,"Yeah I'm going to try and call the clinique in the morning and see what they think. Thanks a lot, really appreciate it.",0.7959999999999999,positive,acknowledging 1562,depressed,Recently started taking anti-depressants and I feel worse than I could ever have imagined,speaker,5,"Thank you, that really helps to hear. ",0.659,positive,acknowledging 1563,depressed,All this feels like a stretching waiting,speaker,1,"I've always had troubles with depression. Since middle school and high school I dealt with ups and downs. I've been socially anxious for most of my life and made few friends that don't last. I've about 3 friends I keep in touch with for about ten years now. I'm 25 years old. I've been formally diagnosed with bipolar disorder during my freshman year of college in 2012, but learned to manage my symptoms and get off the medication in 2014 with use of CBT and meditation. After graduating in 2016 and landing a job, I felt that I could finally start living a life. Before this I was overly dependent on family. They'd call me or I'd call them. I would find myself wondering around town just restless and aimless. Now I got a job that drains me and I find myself just lounging around to recover from the stress of teaching 20+ kids. However, I feel more alone than ever. I finally got a car so I feel the freedom to drive where ever I want, and I always wanted to travel, but when I can't seem to allow myself to break from routine. Monday to Friday for me is just work, work, sleep. And when I do try to break that structure, I find myself getting stressed and wanting nothing more than to retreat to my bed. Saturday and Sunday have their own routines, so when I try to break it, I find myself debating with myself if I want to ruin a comfortable day to do something that doesn't make much sense like drive to see a national forest. Or friends. Today, I'm reading messages from an old forum account in 2009 and feeling nostalgic. I felt like I wasted so much of my life. I'm not sure if I want to visit my family today. I've been visiting them all week. I'm not even sure I want to stay home. Before I felt control over my life, but now I feel trapped and threatening to go into a depressesion spiral like I did in October when I went to bed at 4pm and woke at 5 am for work. I honestly feel like I'm running laps around myself. I need someone's input because there's no one i can talk to.",-0.5898,negative,lonely 1563,depressed,All this feels like a stretching waiting,listener_1,2,"I’m here, though I don’t have much advice, as I’m a mess myself. But I’ll listen. ",-0.1901,negative,trusting 1563,depressed,All this feels like a stretching waiting,speaker,3,Thank you. Sometimes that is all one needs. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1563,depressed,All this feels like a stretching waiting,speaker,4,"Thanks, this really comforted me. Looking around me, I see a lot of my classmates and friends who have more trouble than me, and I guess that's the situation we're in. Recently I changed a few things in my life. I strangely feel better. Thank you. ",0.8519,positive,grateful 1563,depressed,All this feels like a stretching waiting,speaker,5,I had a dog over the summer. It was pretty sweet. I did training and enjoyed feeling motivated to exercise with him. Eventually I gave the dog to my cousin because I started working and couldn't give it the time it deserved. I go to work around 6am and return about 5pm with no lunch break. 😅,0.9231,positive,guilty 1563,depressed,I want to die,listener_2,1,"Im so tired of this life. Every day i wake up its a stuggle to leave my bed. When i see my friends i feel like i just dont relate to them or they just dont care about me at all. I go into work to do the same mundane routine over and over each day and i feel like im going no where in life. I never finished school or even got my drivers license and im about to be 22. When ever i go around people i have to pretend to be who they think i am some sorta funny guy who just says things to make people laugh. No one sees my strugle really, mostly because people see that im responsible and can get things done easily so no one worries about me or see that i barly have things held together. I just want to be happy again and not constantly think about my death. I feel like some people will see this and not care and some might care. I just needed to shout out how i feel to the abyss of the internet , its easier to do this instead of bottleing it up.",0.9167,positive,lonely 1563,depressed,I want to die,listener_3,2,"Speaking with your family or friends about it will actually help a lot. Express yourself! It makes your health automatically better. Doing sport is also a great way to relieve bagagge! Eat healthy (!), and look into meditation and yoga for ultimate quality of life improvement! On Youtube there is a lot of information on all those topics. Nonetheless, whenever you can, spend as few time as possible with technology. Edit: Forgot to mention semen retention. Very powerful! Quit PMO for good! It has too many negative side effects. r/nofap ",0.9734,positive,annoyed 1563,depressed,I want to die,listener_4,3,And then my dog died. It's been 34 days. The depression coupled with the pain is suffocating.,-0.8909999999999999,negative,sad 1563,depressed,I want to die,listener_5,4,"I’m so sorry to hear that. It will get better though. The cycle of life throw us through some nasty twists and turns, doesn’t it?",-0.3167,negative,sympathizing 1563,depressed,I want to die,listener_4,5,Yes it does. And thank u for your support. Doggies are everything people should be. #fureverlove,0.7845,positive,neutral 1564,depressed,Anxiety and depression,speaker,1,Im a mom of 2 who was in a wreck that has required 3 surgeries in a year and a half. Im so tierd of physical therapy...therapists in general. My kids fighting wants to make me climb the walls. Constant bickering. How are some so patient..im trying not to yell Ive been isolating myself in my room but any suggestions? I should be happy happy that i have a house family etc. My immune systems shot so i constantly have sinus issues or headaches. Suggestions?,0.9111,positive,grateful 1564,depressed,Anxiety and depression,listener_1,2,"I suffer from fibromyalgia and anxiety and depression among other things. In my experience, Isolation is the worst thing for you. Rest is good, isolation is bad. All the doctors, all the treatments- all of these things led to me waiting for a time when I was in less pain and therefore more able to interact. To do. But the longer I was in pain, the less I did, the worse I got. I missed everyone but was too afraid of more pain so I stayed away. I had no patience when I was in pain and kids need to be kids. Which caused my depression and anxiety to spike whenever I was having a bad pain day. Which in turn pushed more pain in my body. It's a vicious cycle how pain and mental illness feed each other. You need more social interaction and have less expectations of what you need to be capable of at any given time. Your body is recovering from multiple shocks to its system and trying to balance good mental health as well so everything else you need to accomplish as a mom. That is an incredible amount of stress. Do you have friends or family that can help? Making activities that I can do with my kids, like play a video game or watch a movie helps both my family and I engage in healthy, manageable blocks of time before the inevitable toll of physical care comes in. Pain shrinks your reality. Mental health issues create a burning drive to be free. But the reality is your sick and you need to slow down and take all the steps necessary to recover. Which as a mom I'm sure you know, slowing down is just not an option. But it is. And in fact it's the only option worth considering. You can't rush your recovery. Or change your current physical ailments in the time you'd like. And that is ok. Being anxious and depressed when you've had so much happen is ok. Your anxiety is telling you that you need to be happy and be grateful. Your depression is making you feel like shit because you don't feel those things- because of your pain. And all of that is ok. Because it won't always be that way. And if you feel it will be, that's also your mental health. Not the truth. Not who you really are. Dear God this is loooooooonnnnngggg. TL;DR- It's ok you aren't Miss Susy Sunshine. Slow down- be in the moment. You are not your pain. You are Awesome. ",-0.9818,negative,lonely 1564,depressed,Anxiety and depression,speaker,3,Thank u so much for your kind words meas a lot to me,0.7096,positive,grateful 1564,depressed,Anxiety and depression,listener_1,4,Anytime. 😊,0.7184,positive,acknowledging 1565,depressed,Tears in the shower,speaker,1,"It's new year's eve and I just got done bawling my eyes out in the shower. Currently still, while I'm laying in bed now still in my towel. I have to be at work in an hour. New Years Eve and I've never felt so alone. That would be a lie actually, I've felt like this the last two years or so. Just hits you harder on new year's eve. No one asking for my company on new year's eve. No one wants me around. I barely have friends to ask, but I don't want to ask. I want someone to Want my company. And no one does. One of the worst weekends/ past few days ive had in a long time. I keep asking, when does it get better ? For two years now. I've never felt so alone. ",-0.8318,negative,lonely 1565,depressed,Tears in the shower,listener_1,2,"I hear you. I hope next year brings better. On the unwanted advice side, you might find councelling would help you understand how this situation has come about and work towards changing it. ",0.765,positive,consoling 1565,depressed,Tears in the shower,listener_2,3,"I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve felt left out, and not cared about. The feeling fuckin hurts, I feel like I’ve lost everything, me emotions for everything and everyone. ",-0.6155,negative,lonely 1566,depressed,please help,speaker,1,"Uhhh... hi. So I've never really used reddit like this before but I don't have anyone to talk to and I need advice. I've been really depressed for about 2 months now. Sometimes I sleep over 12 hours, other times I can't sleep. I don't feel like eating anymore because I don't think there's a point. I've missed so much school (I'm in high school) and am so behind. It's now winter break and I've been trying to muster up the courage to tell my parents, but I just can't. Every time I'm crying and doing nothing because I just don't care anymore, my mom says I'm just ""feeling sorry for myself"". I'm afraid that if I tell her I think I'm clinically depressed she's just going to say the same thing. I've had suicidal thoughts before but Id never bring myself to do it. I found out from my brother that my parents think I'm cutting myself (I'm not) and they hid a camera to watch me. I really need to talk to them but I have no idea how to bring up the conversation. Please help me. ",-0.9673,negative,lonely 1566,depressed,please help,listener_1,2,"Are you able to have your brother or someone else with you who can support you when you tell them? Because I can tell you don’t want to go through the fight with your mother who would dispel depression as self pity. I think finding someone to be with you is vital. Does your brother know the extent of your depression? Is there anyone else that knows? I highly suggest telling your high school everything. Whatever teacher you believe to be most understanding, or any nurse there. From my experience, tell ANYONE first. It makes it easier when you tell your parents. ",-0.6946,negative,trusting 1566,depressed,please help,speaker,3,"I told my dad. I broke down crying before I was able to say much. I wish I'd said more about how I was feeling because looking back I made it seem like it ""wasn't a big deal"". It's so frustrating because I know what I'm feeling on the inside and I don't know why it's so hard for me to tell someone. My dad asked if I'd want to see someone and talk about it. I sort of nodded my head yes. I'm just worried because I don't want to waste my families money. I'll be going to college in a few years and I have multiple siblings in college. If I do end up seeing someone, and I get put on medication, I'm just worried I'm taking money out of my parents pocket. Does insurance cover anti-depressants? ",-0.557,negative,ashamed 1566,depressed,please help,speaker,4,"I can't drive yet so I can't see the doctor by myself. I can get my license, but, it's the last thing on my mind at the moment. I honestly don't trust myself enough to drive. I've told my father though. I'll see how that turns out. ",0.1147,positive,trusting 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,speaker,1,"I don't know when it started. But always, I have always been felt like I am not connecting to anyone. I meet people, I make friends, I seem okay on the outside with a quirk - they don't think I don't care, or they think I'm insensitive. I grew up in a normal family setting, with a mother, a father and me. I am adopted. My real parents gave me away because they can no longer support another kid in the family. Like, why do even have a child in the first place? I did not wish to be here. &#x200B; The family I live with now says insensitive stuff to me as if I never had feelings. When I was at school they think I was never enough, and that whoever the neighbor's kid is better than me. Just this New Year's, my biological mom got hospitalized and I did not visit her. My foster dad told me I was too busy doing nothing that's why I did not visit. &#x200B; Why would I visit this woman, someone I barely know, someone who I knew, gave me away? I feel like no one understands how I feel, and I tried so many times to tell them that I've been struggling with daily activities as well because of a number of reasons: \- I lost all motivation to proceed. I still go to work, but that's my life. Work and sleep. \- I do not want to go out. I feel like I would just get myself ran over my a car if I would. \- All my interests, or past hobbies no longer interest me. \- I feel like there is no point in living just to die a few years after, and I could not bear these suicidal thoughts in my head that it makes my head hurt everytime. \- I hurt myself. I bump my head, punch it, pull my hair, cut- anything that could possibly make the suicide thoughts go away and it's very unsuccessful; it makes me want to die more. \- I have a history of suicide attempts and no one in my family knows about it. \- I got manipulated and drugged two years ago; I was raped. That event led me to having a baby, which my family thinks that I just had a boyfriend that did not took responsibility. I love my baby, however those events even though now fuzzy, still play on my head multiple times everytime I look at her. I love her but I could not bring myself to love her a 100%. Sometimes I could not handle it to the point where I get panic attacks. Because of this my foster parents believe that I could not raise her, simple because I am irresponsible. \- I recently got married but I found out that since I got diagnosed with a hormonal syndrome after I had my first baby, there is very little to no chance that I would have a child. They still hope and think that it's not real; and no one believes me. I have given up all hope because I know it's no longer possible for me to bear a child. I feel like I only exist to be a side character in everyone I met, and will meet. I feel like I'm just here to watch and do nothing. I am very unhappy, I feel lonely in this world, and I would love to escape this as soon as possible. I want to escape the world, because I'm tired. I'm tired and I want to sleep forever. I know I need help but I could not bring myself to go to a doctor. I posted this because I feel like I'm at my wit's end and no one to vent out to. &#x200B;",-0.982,negative,lonely 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,listener_1,2,Atleast you have one strong purpose and that is to be a mother.,0.5106,positive,neutral 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,speaker,3,"I'm fighting the urges to just jump off a building because of this, but I'm suffering. I am trying to live day by day and ignoring the thoughts but I just couldn't. I don't know if there are ways to stop this.",-0.9052,negative,terrified 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,listener_1,4,"There are treatments, and they alleviate symptoms so that sufferers can be more stable. I take a high dosage of zoloft, but it's part of a package. I also maintain stability by adjusting how I think about situations/people/things. Pick an issue and work on it and you can teach your brain that success is possible; then move onto other problems.",0.2281,positive,hopeful 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,speaker,5,"I searched up nearest psychology clinics in my area and is planning to visit one soon. I am living day by day and it is a struggle but I always to divert my attention to something else or try to think of something positive just to avoid the suicidal thoughts. I know my body feels like it wants to end everything, but a part of me still thinks of my child and is actually afraid to die.",-0.836,negative,hopeful 1567,depressed,I feel disconnected.,listener_1,6,Thanks for updating. ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1568,depressed,Same shit,speaker,1,New day. New Year. Same shit. Same tears. Same feelings. Same failures.,-0.8176,negative,sad 1568,depressed,Same shit,listener_1,2,"Feeling the same way. The ""new year, new me"" mentality never seems to work. ",0.128,positive,lonely 1568,depressed,Same shit,speaker,3,Right.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1568,depressed,Same shit,listener_1,4,"If you need to vent, I'm here. A fresh new reddit user who has not lost her zest for life. Jk, who tf still has a ""zest"" for life these days. Not me. ",0.5043,positive,jealous 1569,depressed,When your brain feels torn apart.,speaker,1, Here is some advice. Idk if this would help but it works for me. When your brain hurts or you need alone time to cry. Try going for a long walk. The first scenario is in the daytime. Go on a long walk. Make sure to bring headphones. Put on some chillhop or your favourite music. And just walk and walk. And think and just let your brain take a break and enjoy nature. Maybe stop somewhere on a trail and just sit in the grass or on a log or a rock and just wander away with your mind. It does wonders. Another scenario is go for a quiet walk at like 1am. (I do not recommend in a big city) but same thing just go for a walk down the street at like 1am when no one is around. Its peaceful. And for me personally this helps me when just a big wave of dysphoria hits might not be the same for you but that is what works for me. ,0.6843,positive,suggesting 1569,depressed,When your brain feels torn apart.,listener_1,2,Why the side-scrolling format?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1569,depressed,When your brain feels torn apart.,speaker,3,I have no idea. Switch things up a bit?,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,speaker,1,"it kinda makes me depressed... i don’t even know if i’m skinny or not.. Today at school we got handed some fruit mid class, i told her i didn’t want anu fruit as of right now. And this other kid said «You should definantly get some fruit, you haven’t even gained 1 pound this christmas» and then he goes on rambling about me being skinny and everything. But as i said i don’t even know if i’m skinny or not... i’m 13 years old i weigh 110 pounds (50 kg) and i think i’m about maybe 5.5 in height or more. I had a perfect day today but me being skinny always puts me down.",0.7168,positive,jealous 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,listener_1,2,"People carry weight differently. I’m always 20lbs heavier than what people guess. (5’8”f 130 lbs wearing size 0/2) As long as you are healthy and are getting enough nutrition then don’t let numbers and other people get to you. Here’s an old saying that helped me through school: Opinions are like assholes, everyone’s got one. ",0.1027,positive,jealous 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,speaker,3,"Yeah it isn’t really only the numbers, i catch my reflection in a window from time to time too and i’m kinda skinny too. But i really don’t know, every single mirror is SO different!",0.2244,positive,neutral 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,speaker,4,"Yeah, but it when someone tells you you’re either fat or skinny you start to think that other people think that aswell. Is there any way i can gain weight tho you think? ive tried eating quite alot and i still can’t really gain anything..",0.905,positive,questioning 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,listener_2,5,"110.0 lbs ≈ 49.9 kilograms ^(1 pound ≈ 0.45kg) ^(I'm a bot. Downvote to remove.) _____ ^| ^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8lt7af/i_am_a_bot/) ^| ^[PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Ttime5) ^| ^[Stats](http://botmetric.pythonanywhere.com) ^| ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Bot_Metric&subject=Don't%20reply%20to%20me&message=If%20you%20send%20this%20message,%20I%20will%20no%20longer%20reply%20to%20your%20comments%20and%20posts.) ^| ^[v.4.4.6](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8o9vgz/updates/) ^|",0.0,neutral,annoyed 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,listener_3,6,"You are only 13, so your metabolism is still pretty fast. Eat healthy (good foods & correct # of calories for your age) exercise, get enough sleep. Only a doctor can determine if you are a healthy weight or not. If you are concerned, go to your pediatrician and ask. Use that as your basis, not anyone’s opinions. Next time anyone says anything to you about your looks, whether you think it could be taken good or bad, say thank you, and smile back. Then go back to whatever you were doing. You know you are healthy (confirmed by a doctor), and that is all that matters. ",0.9493,positive,apprehensive 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,listener_4,7,"If you are concerned about your weight then you should talk to your doctor. They can work with you to come up with a plan for healthy weight gain if you are underweight. If not then you need to learn to persevere through the criticism. I am fully aware of the difficulty in that statement, trust me. But it's the best thing you can do for yourself over the coming years.",0.8537,positive,agreeing 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,speaker,8,"yeah it’s not the health i’m most concerned about (don’t get me wrong on that tho, health is ofc really important) but it’s most the looks in this case. I took a picture for not so long ago and i don’t even look THAT skinny... Man idk what’s happening, everyhing is different.",-0.1289,negative,agreeing 1570,depressed,am i really that skinny?,speaker,9,"Thank you man, definantly made me feel a little better :)",0.7801,positive,acknowledging 1571,depressed,I am so ungrateful,speaker,1,"I have never posted on here before and frankly reading your stories I want to reach out and hug you because your life is so incredibly hard. I honestly feel stupid feeling depressed when my life is a walk in the park comparatively, not that I should be comparing anyone. I have a very hard time expressing my feelings so please excuse my rambling sorry let me start over I recently broke up with one of the nicest guys I have ever been with, he tried his best to show me that he loved me but I just never felt it. I, as I said have some trouble expressing myself, so forced my self to write letters of my feelings and show up at his work (an hour away), I loved doing it dont get me wrong, but he would just tell me that he liked me and how pretty I was. We tried to do a love language test and I know he really tried to give me what I needed but he couldnt. I felt one sided, as if I was never properly He was also very insecure and he felt like my personality was too intimidating, which is okay. I guess I just feel tired, like I am not really right for anyone. Whenever I get into a relationship I tire of them, or find ways to unattach myself and then when I break up with them I feel as though a part of me is lost. I am on my fourth college right now in my third year, I am supposed to be an art major but I have lost all drive and another major in horticulture which I dont even know if I am a right fit. I make good grades but only because I work my ass off for it, I have a learning disability and have to spend double time on my work. Long story short my life is completely fine. Yet I feel empty inside, the world I used to see in color has been black and white for years. This post is as pointless as my life. I dont know what advice I am seeking, or if I thought telling someone my feelings would help me but Im trying. ",0.951,positive,lonely 1571,depressed,I am so ungrateful,listener_1,2,a i miss you text can go a long way ;p ,-0.1531,negative,acknowledging 1571,depressed,I am so ungrateful,speaker,3,"Thats okay, this is kind of shitty but I am glad I am not alone. I wish iI could give you sage advise on the matter but at this point we both know I cant. Loving myself is something I have struggled with for a long time, maybe we dont think we deserve to be loved so when we are, we push them away. But hopefully these arent the people for us, and if they are maybe they arent right now. You shouldnt beat yourself up though, I found that even though it is hard and sometimes hurts you should just talk to him and let him know what you are feeling. Then at the very least if it doesnt work out you dont put all the blame on you. I am sorry darling that you are feeling the way I am but if you ever want to talk just message me, because you are not alone.",0.7111,positive,consoling 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_2,1,I'm having a breakdown and I need to talk to someone please. Is anyone online ,0.3182,positive,lonely 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_3,2,I'm not the most capable to help and also not a native English speaker but I'm happy to listen. :),0.8842,positive,neutral 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_2,3,Thabk you :/ I'm feeling like a complete mess. I yelled at my boyfriend to leave me alone and he did and now I feel horrible. My mind is in such a dark place. I'm in a foreign place right now with no family or friends here. I can't stand being alone with my Thought. And right now I'm trying to find a blank hard cover notebook to write in and I can't find any in the store under 24 dollars and Im so annoyed and upset ,-0.9455,negative,lonely 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_3,4,I feel like I've felt that kind of feeling before. One of the first thing I do though is to listen to music. Also write on notebooks or my phone's notepad. I also love going to calm and quiet places.,0.8484,positive,nostalgic 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_2,5,I'm beyond the point of small things helping me. It's not helping. I don't want to be alone in the quiet with my thoughts. I wanted to find a good notebook to write in but I can't find it. I feel alone even though I'm not alone ,0.0271,neutral,lonely 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_3,6,"This might be a worst idea but I'm assuming this is your throwaway account, right? I think you can message me, write everything you love, you hate, anything. Change the details, names, the places, etc. I'm happy to read them, I'm slow reader though.",0.6428,positive,surprised 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_2,7,No this is my main account. I guess I should have made another account. But I never even though of it. I'm just sad. And I wanted someone to know. I guess that's all. I'm just really really sad ,-0.8947,negative,sad 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_3,8,Hmm. how are you today? Why are you sad?,-0.5362,negative,questioning 1571,depressed,I need to talk to someone,listener_2,9,I'm horrible today. Many reasons that would take too long to talk through. But I'm just not OK and I need to get help but it's really hard for me being away from my home country to get the help that I need. ,0.1692,positive,sad 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,1,6 foot 3 250lb hairy emotional teddybear and all I want to do is lay in someone's lap and bawl my eyes out. I put all my trust and faith into other people and in the end I'm left alone in the dark. I make the weak stupid choices in left and I'm left alone dealing with them. This bottle of Canadian mist will keep me warm though. Let's see how fast a bottle can go down before I pass out. Nothing is worth this emotional pain. If anyone needs a listening ear message me I'm up at all hours.,-0.5597,negative,lonely 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,listener_1,2,"I know this may not mean much from a stranger, but I feel you. I feel that empty heart and the pit in your stomach and the intrusive thoughts. I wish I could say it gets better, but I’m still searching for my “better”. Just wanted to let you know you’re not alone. ",0.9338,positive,sentimental 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,3,"Just wanted to give you and everyone here an update, I reconnected with someone who I would consider my best friend and much more, the other half of me. I haven't felt this whole in a long time and I'm beyond lucky to have another chance at life with a fresh start. It's time to do better I'm so excited for this next chapter. ",0.9589,positive,grateful 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,4,"Thank you very much. Hit with rough news yet again today, the job I applied for I didn't get feels bad. Everytime I think things are looking up I get knocked down. ",0.6542,positive,devastated 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,5,"Just wanted to give you and everyone here an update, I reconnected with someone who I would consider my best friend and much more, the other half of me. I haven't felt this whole in a long time and I'm beyond lucky to have another chance at life with a fresh start. It's time to do better I'm so excited for this next chapter. ",0.9589,positive,grateful 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,6,I feel like I feed on emotion so if I'm around positive and happy people then I'm happy but when I'm alone it all flips and I'm just always down on myself. I beat myself up and I have no one to blame but myself. I keep saying this is my time to focus on me and be a better person and I fall back into the same routine. The only time I feel a slight bit of happiness anymore is when I'm playing fortnite with friends I've known online for 15 years. I don't even really much like the game but it's something to distract my mind from negative thoughts. I'm not a good social person in real life I'm very quiet so I just keep to myself. ,0.7759,positive,sad 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,listener_2,7,Don't give up and keep on trying. It's hard to get a job nowadays but I'm sure you'll find a place that appreciates you. You can do this! Lots of motivation and love from someone dealing with unemployment right now too. ,0.9266,positive,faithful 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,listener_3,8,"I say we're similar in a way. I too, feel happy around people who make me happy and if they go away i feel alone. I play games to counter this loneliness. I'm not sure if this can help you, but I'll try. Always know your worth. YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS. Sure some guy/gal is better at you on something. But the cold hard truth of reality is that ""There will be always someone better than you"" and this applies to everyone. Say, someone is good at being social you're not but you're good at something he/she not. Don't limit yourself on what things should you be good at. Be resourceful! Make your weakest the strongest and surely the right, true friends will come to you. It may not be like one of those mythical fairytales we hear during our childhood. But it's the damn closest you'll ever get. No harm in trying. And if you fail? No harm remember? And if it did? Try a new tactic. Retreat, regroup, replan. I guess to sum it up. Everyone has his/her off days and sometimes the only way to change it is find the switch. How you say? Well..... Find a new perspective. It may be confusing but i can't sleep and I'll writing this. ",0.9873,positive,jealous 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,9,"Just wanted to give you and everyone here an update, I reconnected with someone who I would consider my best friend and much more, the other half of me. I haven't felt this whole in a long time and I'm beyond lucky to have another chance at life with a fresh start. It's time to do better I'm so excited for this next chapter. ",0.9589,positive,grateful 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,10,"Just wanted to give you and everyone here an update, I reconnected with someone who I would consider my best friend and much more, the other half of me. I haven't felt this whole in a long time and I'm beyond lucky to have another chance at life with a fresh start. It's time to do better I'm so excited for this next chapter. ",0.9589,positive,grateful 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,speaker,11,Oh my just your first sentence about your son was enough to make me cry. You have me thinking about my own mother now. Ive only ever seen her cry once in my 26 years of life and it was the day she told me about my real father when I was 17. I'm sure it was tough for her to tell me the things she did and I'll never forget that day because I had no reaction or emotion. I feel void of anything except anger and sadness. I'm sure she's spent many of nights crying wondering how she was going to take care of her three boys on her own and now she's doing very well for herself and I'm proud of her. I know this went into left field but I feel like it's never too late. Your son is your motivation to keep going. I've yet to find that motivation. Someday though.. Stay strong friend. ,0.9479,positive,sentimental 1572,depressed,Sometimes a grown man needs to cry.,listener_2,12,Yes you go!! 😊 That's awesome news! Keep your head up and hold on to this beautiful feeling. Wishing you all the luck and love in the world!! 🍀 ❤️,0.9821,positive,wishing 1573,depressed,?,speaker,1,I feel useless. I feel unproductive. I feel like I’m stuck somewhere and I need that specific person to help but they’re not doing it. I don’t want to feel like this. I feel like my happiness has an expiry date and it expired a long time ago. I feel like things will never get better. There is a storm waiting for me to take me and ruin me then throw me in the most stranded place ever. I feel like it’s the end of something. I just wish I didn’t have to feel like this. It’s my 11:11 wish. I need help. ,0.9754,positive,sad 1573,depressed,?,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way a lot of the time too - it’s easy to focus on your flaws and all the things you’re doing wrong, all the things you don’t have as opposed to what IS going right in your life. I’m sorry you feel this way, I understand it’s painful and it feels really lonely and no words are going to change that. I just hope that this message reaches you and makes you feel a little less alone. Sometimes that’s the only thing that helps when you’re feeling so low that no words of encouragement or advice can be taken in. I’m here for you. If you need to talk, rant, or anything just shoot me a message. Hang in there. Tomorrow is another day, and then the day after that will come, and so on - and one of those days will eventually be the one where you’re okay again.",-0.8015,negative,sympathizing 1573,depressed,?,speaker,3,Thank you for this. :) I plan on working on myself,0.7184,positive,wishing 1573,depressed,Feeling down,listener_2,1,"I don't know why I'm posting this, I suppose maybe just putting the feelings into words and expressing how I feel will maybe make things better. I'm not even sure exactly where to start other than to say I've had a really disappointing last 10 or so days. My entire history is too much to go into, but I'll say that I got divorced about 2 years ago (which I strongly feel was a mainly positive thing for me, and I still believe that now), and I have two kids. They split time between their mother and myself and I have a good relationship with them (and actually have a good relationship with my ex still too). Over the last two years I've had a few relationships, one was with a woman who I dated for the better part of a year that I met fairly quickly after the divorce. She wasn't all that great to my kids so that was the reason that relationship ended. I liked her a lot, but I was perfectly find ending the relationship because my kids are my top priority right now (and likely always will be). After the year long relationship I've dated a few women here and there but kind of had a wall up and didn't really get bothered when something would fade or fizzle. I was enjoying my time being able to talk to whoever I wanted or go out with anyone that I met. Then in October I met a woman, we'll call her Paula, and I knew the night I met her there was something different about her. We pretty much started spending a lot of time together and have been dating now for a little over two months. She has met my children and is so amazing. Kind, happy, caring, intelligent, sweet, and beautiful. The first four or five weeks we were together I kept telling myself to not get too excited about things with her, but finally I let her in. I dropped the walls and I can say that I love this woman. Obviously it's still a fairly new relationship and there are still things to learn about each other, but I have felt very compatible with her and things had been going very well. That is up until just after Christmas when she had a family member who has had a long illness take a turn for the worst. Our time together has limitations because of the joint custody of my children, so we really only have a few days a week where we can spend any 1 on 1 time together. Well it's been a while now, and the last week and a half the four or five times we've had something planned she has cancelled on me to spend time with her sick family member. I don't blame her for that, and I support her being with her family but, selfishly, it's left me feeling very disappointed and especially lonely. I think the holidays have compounded this feeling of loneliness because I had my kids on Christmas morning, then they left with their mom after opening presents at my house. So I was alone on Christmas all day, Paula only texted me a few times that day and we chatted very briefly and did not see each other. Then we had plans to get together twice that week which ended up being cancelled both times so she could be with her sick family member. She was going to stay over on NYE with me, but after dinner that night decided to go to see her sick family member again. She planned on staying at their house, but ended up going home at midnight that night but didn't tell me that until later the next week, which made me feel very disconnected from her, and that pattern has continued this week. I feel extremely disconnected, and I'm sad that I feel like the momentum our new relationship was building has halted. She called me this afternoon and told me that her sick family member actually passed away this afternoon. We talked for a very short amount of time, I told her I'd like to come in and see her (we live about 20 minutes apart) this evening and she said ""Of course. I'll call you later"". Well four hours later I hadn't heard from her so I texted her and she said that it wasn't going to work out tonight and maybe tomorrow afternoon we could get together. So again, I feel like I'm not important to her and I feel like things are really going the wrong direction with her. That leaves me not being able to sleep tonight and feeling like things are really crappy for me right now. I'm not sure what to do, I don't want to be a completely self centered jerk and tell her how I feel during her time of grief (even though I'm pretty sure she probably has sensed it already without me telling her). I miss her like crazy and I'm feeling really out of sorts. Anyways, that's what I've got going on, and I just really wish I could just hold her and cry with her without even talking for a night. This sucks. ",0.9916,positive,disappointed 1573,depressed,Feeling down,listener_3,2,"I’m sorry you are going through this. In my opinion, people make time for the people that matter to them no matter what is going on in their lives. If it were me, I’d try to quit contacting her and see if she actually attempts to get in touch with you. I said I’d “try” to quit contacting her because I am usually not able to do that. Lol. It hurts the most when people we’ve really connected to pull away from us. I’m sorry. People suck. ",-0.5823,negative,sympathizing 1573,depressed,Feeling down,listener_2,3,"That's how I'm feeling as well, that people make time for those that matter to them. And yes, we exchanged Christmas presents. She has stayed over at my house several times when I haven't had my kids here, and we've told each other ""I love you"". I'm certainly not feeling the love right now. Even worse, she didn't contact me last night when she said she'd text me before bed, then she only texted me this morning after she ran into one of my friends at the gas station, so my reaction was ""why didn't she text me when she woke up and got her day going?"". I'm certainly not feeling any better about things today. If she doesn't reach out to try and connect today like she said she would yesterday I'm really going to be bothered even more. ",0.7913,positive,angry 1573,depressed,Feeling down,listener_2,4,"Oh, that makes sense and I hadn't thought about it because I don't think she's remotely that type of person. But it's a very valid question considering the time of the year to someone who doesn't know anything about her! I did see her for a quick bit yesterday afternoon and she seems to be sincerely in grief about her family member and I think it's a mix of me being a little sensitive and her being a little withdrawn. I hope that after the services this week we'll have a chance to spend some significant time together and talk through everything. ",0.8072,positive,agreeing 1574,depressed,I feel so empty,speaker,1,"So many friends forget me or leave me behind, I wonder if it is my fault sometimes, did I do something wrong? They used to say message whenever you want but now they just never reply or ignore my messages, it's like I'm wiped from thier memories and it makes a crater in my chest. I never enitiate conversations because of my anxiety and I get all these plots or thoughts in my head like "" What if they're busy"" or ""Maybe they don't want to talk to you anymore"" I know it's my mind playing with me but I cannot help it and it breaks me. I want new friends, but I want ones who remember me and want my company... Is that alot to ask....? ",0.8936,positive,apprehensive 1574,depressed,I feel so empty,listener_1,2,I’d be your friend but I don’t like to start conversations either. I’d probably always message you back though.,0.6542,positive,neutral 1574,depressed,I feel so empty,speaker,3,I'd like that,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,speaker,1,"I hate my art. It feels like I haven't progressed in... forever. I tried to doodle for about 5 minutes today before giving up, because it didn't meet my standards. Now I'm just kinda... laying in bed. Listening to music because I don't have the energy to do anything else. I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna cheer myself up, I just wanna.... I don't even know. I just feel shitty and hopeless. Like, what's the point of trying anyways? There's always gonna be someone better than me. What sucks mainly is how shitty of a human-being I am, and how my ""artistic ability"" is honestly one of the only things I occasionally consider myself to be ""decent at"". What's the point, though. Artists don't ever really get the praise they deserve for their work, and everyone knows the term ""starving artist"". I just suck so badly at everything else that it sucks to... suck. Sucks to suck at something you thought maybe you could be good at, but realize now you can't. You never can. Because I don't take the initiative to learn new things about art. Mostly because I know that when I try these new things they're gonna look like shit, and it's gonna discourage me so fucking hard that I'll give up. Just wish I had more confidence, I guess. Or maybe that I could be as free as I was when I was younger- happy to just be drawing, even if it turned out kinda bad. I don't even know when I developed this... hugely critical part of myself. Nobody is this critical of themselves when they're children. But it sucks ass. I wish I wasn't so critical of myself, but that won't ever stop, I guess. My friends continue to half-heartedly tell me how ""good"" my art is. I know they don't really give a shit, and I know how... boring my art is. But no matter what they say I just. Can't be happy with what I create. I've been trying for the past two months or so to be less critical of my art but here I am again, realizing once more just how shitty and boring my art is and how bad I am at coloring my pieces. My dad told me I was pretty good at proportions. I couldn't even believe that. Sure, I was flattered and all, but when I was looking at my work, all I saw was... wrong. Just errors, everywhere. I don't know where he got that idea from. TLDR; I suck at art, and it's upsetting me right now. I wish I could just be confident and take the initiative to fuckin'... do studies so that I would improve somehow. Really wish I could find a style I like, too. Just hate my lazy-ass and how depressed I get when I can't even doodle. God this whole thing was just... mind vomit. Really long. Sorry. I don't expect responses from this; I just needed to... put it out there, I guess. I don't even know if this is okay to post here.",-0.9524,negative,sad 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,listener_1,2,The mind of a protectionist is always in pain.,-0.5106,negative,sad 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,speaker,3,I suppose this is true...,0.4215,positive,suggesting 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,speaker,4,"Well, first off, I'm sorry to hear that art didn't work out for you in the end... that's really unfortunate. I hope that maybe, someday, you'll be able to try again and use the abilities you learned back then to create something just for your own sake, and your own creative expression. I don't know, maybe it'll be nice for you to just create every once and awhile. As for me... I think what you've proposed might hold some truth. I've never really considered myself an artist, because I've never felt that... professional, I guess. Or maybe I'm intimidated by the term and referring to myself as such, because I don't feel I meet the standards of what is required to be an 'artist'. I'm not sure, but you've made a great point.",0.8923,positive,suggesting 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,listener_2,5,"Ya, just making stuff is something I do, but I end up getting depressed about it: one time I destroyed a few cd-roms with digital art on it and I have a flash drive full of animations/images which may get zapped if I get real low again.",-0.9081,negative,sad 1575,depressed,Just feel shitty about my art.,speaker,6,"Man, that sucks... I'm sorry about that. I really hope you don't end up destroying them, because I know I regret all the stuff I end up deleting in a fit of rage or when I'm low. ",-0.3985,negative,sympathizing 1576,depressed,Hey there world,speaker,1,What's your answer to depression? Mine is currently watching Deadpool 2.,-0.5719,negative,questioning 1576,depressed,Hey there world,listener_1,2,"Basically just finding something to do with my time. Usually just watch TV shows on my laptop, but occasionally I find a game I can play that takes time - Cities Skyline is the latest. There's always more to do and it makes time go way faster. Unfortunately my head is to f'ed up, so it doesn't happen that often.",0.0,neutral,content 1576,depressed,Hey there world,speaker,3,You play Xbox? ,0.34,positive,questioning 1576,depressed,Hey there world,listener_1,4,"PS4, but haven't used it in a while. For now it's just my laptop.",0.0,neutral,lonely 1576,depressed,Hey there world,speaker,5,"Yeah, same. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1576,depressed,Hey there world,speaker,6,Dammit I need a Weiner dog. ,0.0,neutral,annoyed 1577,depressed,"January 25th, 2019.",speaker,1,"January 25th, 2019 is my final day. I just want to say that ive had a shitty life and am excited for the day. Its going to be great, finally ending it.",0.4939,positive,excited 1577,depressed,"January 25th, 2019.",listener_1,2,Why that date?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1577,depressed,"January 25th, 2019.",speaker,3,"18. The days since i decided. 18, being my most hated number for the plain and simple fact that thats the year things started to go down hill more than normal. My girlfriend broke up with me, my dad died, my friends fucked off, my brother got arrested, my sister dissapeared, and my mom started dating a prick named Preston.",-0.9525,negative,devastated 1577,depressed,"January 25th, 2019.",listener_1,4,You can learn to live with grief and loss.,-0.6705,negative,sad 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,speaker,1,"My constant negative state of mind and shitty personality is something that I have always hated about myself. But I have grown to worry that these negative aspects of my life won’t ever go away. I know that may seem absurd and pessimistic, but I just get worried from time to time that I won’t be able to handle the responsibilities that come with being an adult later on in life because of my poor qualities. Anyways, I think I’ll be fine, hopefully. Just wondering if anyone else feels or has ever felt this way/something similar. ",-0.9666,negative,hopeful 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,listener_1,2,"Same here, especially on new year's eve. I felt more sad and lonely and lost on new year's eve than Christmas. Just the movement of time really scares me without even doing or achieve something ""meaningful"". I also talked to someone with a similar fear, I wish he/she is doing well and of course you, OP.",-0.8047,negative,agreeing 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,speaker,3,"“Just the movement of time really scares me without even doing or achieve something ‘meaningful’” Yes! I feel this exact way many times. Honestly, I feel a lot better knowing there are others out there with similar struggles (not that I want more people to feel as negative as I do) but it gives me hope that I’ll be able to find to find some clarity in life, whenever that may be. Cheers. ",0.9115,positive,trusting 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,speaker,4,"Hi, thanks for your response. I’m only 19 so reading something like my original post might seem crazy coming from someone my age (I’m used to hearing “wow you’re so young you have so much to look forward to, just keep pushing”) but sometimes it’s hard to take that to heart and “just keep pushing” when you don’t know what you’re even pushing for. But what I can relate to your response is how you push on for your kids, similar to how I push on for my mother, who I feel is the only thing that keeps me on this Earth. And the fact that you are 53, way older and wiser than I am, and have gone through similar struggles just amazes me because at the end of the day you are still here! That gives me a lot of hope despite the fact that you have gone through much hardship in life as it seems, but you are still here, and with good reason, your kids. I think at the end of the day, many people don’t realize the reasoning for them even being alive still and that is what gets into so many people’s heads that they don’t know what to live for anymore and just feel worse. I hope that you have many enjoyable moments ahead of you with your loved ones and those you care about, and find all the time you need to clear your mind when needed. Cheers. ",0.9923,positive,neutral 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,speaker,5,"Maybe so, but I feel like I’m already “faking it” now lol. Then again, “fake it till you make it” isn’t always such a bad idea when it comes to life. Hope you’re doing well - S ",0.8271,positive,encouraging 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,listener_2,6,You seem wise beyond your years. It’s not always easy but I hope the best for you or anyone else having issues. I don’t know everything but I have always found talking to others you can trust with these things is helpful. I hope you have someone in your life that fits that bill. :-),0.9797,positive,encouraging 1578,depressed,Anyone else afraid of their future?,listener_3,7,"Yeah when I was young it was easy to shit on people for being ""fake."" I was then and am now still very much Holden Caulfield in that regard. However, being older now, and being fake myself so often, I realize that ""fake"" starts out as a very necessary self-defensive/survival system. And once you're doing it for survival so often, you get kinda 'stuck' in fake self every once in awhile, and you can hardly blame people for it. ",-0.9253,negative,neutral 1579,depressed,Big oof,speaker,1,"Severely depressed, coming up to the big 18th birthday. My dads borderline abusive and takes no notice of me. My mums quiet now and doesn’t bother with my mental healthy anymore. I have three friends, my best friend doesn’t talk a lot (even to her bf she’s just quite), second friend I rarely see, same with third. At the moment I just wanna die - I’m not sad or anything I just have no energy to do anything, nothing to look forward too, no job, my hobbies don’t make me happy anymore, tried meds and everything else, feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I’ve tried so many different meds none work very well, they just make me lifeless. My diet is really healthy anyways and always has been, and I wanna work out because I don’t wanna become fat, psychotherapy doesn’t really work only for short term. Sick of people saying it gets better because I’ve been going through this for literal years. So I don’t know what to do anymore - I go out I just wanna go home but it doesn’t feel like home. I stay at home I get sick of being trapped inside. I’m not how I imagined myself to be when I was younger and that makes me even more depressed. To be honest I just want a decent guy to have feelings for, so cute shit with etc. I’m at my wits end, I used to have 2 best friends when I lived in England we were as close as anything and then when I was young we moved to Australia - lost contact with both of them and we all went our seperate ways in terms of interests. I just generally don’t know what to do with myself, I worked I just felt worse, I do my hobbies they just turn into tasks, I go out which physically and mentally drains me, I do nothing I feel like a lazy pile of crap. Suggestions on how you cope and any ideas would be amazing. Strike up a chat if you would like too. It’s weird to hit up the internet for help but this is genuinely my last resort. ",0.7366,positive,sad 1579,depressed,Big oof,listener_1,2,"I feel the same and I’m 30, male, live in Portland area. It will get better, I think, I’m not drinking at all and I’m going on walks. I have a lot more baggage but I’ll say I’m lost as fuck. If I could, my favorite thing is too travel with no set destination. but I can’t leave the state for another year because of court. Just go do something that you never thought you would.... 🤷‍♂️ ",-0.705,negative,anxious 1579,depressed,Big oof,speaker,3,"Yeah I see what you’re saying, I love travelling man I’ve been to Paris, Barcelona, Nouvelle Caledonia, Vanuatu, Orlando, Malaysia - point is I love travelling and would if I could but I can’t leave cause I rely on my parents for financial and housing lol But yeah I’ve never heard someone say they feel lost but it’s actually pretty accurate, lost and empty.",0.8481,positive,agreeing 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,speaker,1,"this has been going on for quite a while now. Let’s say i’m in class, our teacher talks about the current subject. He starts asking questions and then all of a sudden he asks me, for some reason....i never know the answer even tho after like 6 seconds after the question i suddenly know the answer. It doesn’t have to be a hard question either. As for an example, he asked me once «What happens if flames absorb oxygen?» wanna know what i said? I said they extinguished...god fucking damn it.. OF COURSE I KNOW THE CORRECT ANSWER BUT SOMEHOW I NEVER KNOW WHAT TO SAY! And since everyone thinks i’m dumb as fuck it just really makes me kind of depressed, constant tought of suicide is also swirling around in my head. I feel so done. Ive posted at least 5 or 6 threads in this community and honestly, if it weren’t for the people here responding to them i would probably be in a much darker place now. and why ME of all people...",-0.9659,negative,surprised 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,listener_1,2,"I got the same heat from people about my speech/thinking, and it affected my outlook about social interaction to the point where I am a recluse. By certain standards, I am retarded and I accept it. In your case, see how your mind works and what can be changed about it, then do exercises where you slow down your reactions so the proper communication happens. I only interact with others on errands, and I practice basic communications as if learning for the 1st time. ",-0.1531,negative,ashamed 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,speaker,3,"Yeah, well most likely your pain was far worse than mine, but i just can’t keep going like this, everyday i’m literally dreading for school...",-0.5472,negative,neutral 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,listener_1,4,"If you are obligated to finish school, then find a method of coping.",0.0,neutral,questioning 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,speaker,5,"Thanks, god i got school tomorrow too this is complete shit... I know i shouldn’t care about what others think but when i create this picture for myself it’s really fucked up man...",-0.6897,negative,embarrassed 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,speaker,6,"Yeah thanks man, it’s good to know that i have someone to releate too. Is it the same for you tho? Like you just forget everything when he/she asks you and you just end up either answering completely wrong or saying «i don’t know» ?",0.6775,positive,questioning 1580,depressed,I’m pretty sure everyone thinks i’m useless and completely and utterly retarded...,listener_2,7,"Yup. But misdirecting their attention through your antics can quickly dismiss your mistake. Sometimes when I forget something. Like, ""Who was the proponent of (something)"". I'd be called and i was like. ""Does he have a beard?"" the teacher would obviously say no. I'd laugh and say, ""Welp. No idea ma'am."" she'd dismiss me immediately, no one noticed my lack of knowledge nor questioned it because of my antics",-0.0402,neutral,embarrassed 1581,depressed,Lonely af,speaker,1,"Hi everyone! I don’t know what I’m doing to hear but I today’s been crappy and I just want to talk I guess.. for the past three years I have had literally zero friends. I don’t know where it all went wrong. I feel sorry for myself when I see people out with their friends, laughing and enjoying life. It’s come to a point where I literally eavesdrop on people’s conversations and form responses in my head just to feel like I belong. I don’t want to be lonely and I’m scared that’s it’s going to be like this forever. ",0.8516,positive,lonely 1581,depressed,Lonely af,listener_1,2,"Im in the exact same position, try new things and try to talk to people, ik it sounds hard but its the only answer.. Best of luck 🖤",0.9545,positive,wishing 1581,depressed,Lonely af,listener_2,3,Do you have any hobbies? That's a good place to start.,0.4404,positive,questioning 1582,depressed,Useless,speaker,1,"Don’t really have a good way with words and I don’t even know how to explain or say it any other way. I just feeling useless, like there’s no need for me in this world. If I was gone, would it make a difference? Would it change people’s lives? Would it be better? I dunno. I wish I knew but I don’t. So here’s where I am at the moment: 2 friends-neither seem to want to acknowledge me lol- any other just ignores or just makes fun of me; some kid spreading rumors about me sending Dick pics, but I don’t have anyone’s number so don’t see how that works. Parents divorced and seem more interested in my older sister in college doing great and my sister who’s dyslexic, making sure she gets all the attention she needs. But there’s none left for me. Would rather not post a whole lot here thinking it would make me feel worse, but maybe. Other things seem to personal to say I suppose. I just don’t know how to fix it. I want to feel good about myself.",0.9666,positive,lonely 1582,depressed,Useless,listener_1,2,Hey man wanna talk?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1582,depressed,Useless,speaker,3,"I’d rather just express how I feel through posts, but thank you very much :)",0.8256,positive,sympathizing 1582,depressed,Useless,speaker,4,"I’d rather just express how I feel through posts, makes me feel pretty good, but thank you so much for providing help :)",0.9306,positive,grateful 1583,depressed,Idgaf anymore,speaker,1,I don't really care anymore I have almost no real irl friends everyone has used me then left me. I don't give a fuck about anything anymore.,0.2955,positive,lonely 1583,depressed,Idgaf anymore,listener_1,2,"Hey, I feel this way a lot too. Do you want to be friends? I'll dm you my Snapchat.",0.5267,positive,agreeing 1583,depressed,Idgaf anymore,speaker,3,Yeah man,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1584,depressed,have no friends,speaker,1,"most of my life going through junior high and high school, ive gone alone. i used to think i had friends but id ruin it all. i havent feel a good connection without getting this fear that theyd leave me any second that they meet someone better than me. my siblings all brought a friend over that soon enough became close to our family and i desire a friendship like that. i wish i had someone that truly cared and understood me. someone that would comfort me and for me to not be a second thought. i just want a friend.",0.9769,positive,lonely 1584,depressed,have no friends,listener_1,2,do you like memes?,0.3612,positive,questioning 1584,depressed,have no friends,speaker,3,yes haha ,0.6908,positive,agreeing 1584,depressed,have no friends,speaker,4,yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1585,depressed,I feel like a failure,speaker,1,I am a senior in high school. I feel really antisocial and sad all the time. I feel like I suck at everything I do. I broken down crying several times in the last two months. How can I get out of this state? ,-0.8739,negative,sad 1585,depressed,I feel like a failure,listener_1,2,I feel you. I'm 20. No job. No goals. No hope. I've been like this for the past 3 years. Living with my mom. I don't even go outside unless it's for a haircut. I'm a failure I'm going no where. You at least are still in high school. Try exercising? It will help lift your mood and energy and from there you can maybe find your goals and chase them. Idk. I'm bad at giving advice. All I know is don't go down my path. I don't even care anymore kinda.. I'm just waits for reason or to until I grow a pair to end it all. God speed on your problems,-0.6964,negative,suggesting 1585,depressed,I feel like a failure,speaker,3,"Thanks alot man. We’re still young and got a lot to live for. This is just one phases of our life, I believe things are going to get better but it starts with ourselves. When you hit rock bottom the only way is up sounds corny but you know, it’s true",0.765,positive,hopeful 1585,depressed,I feel like a failure,listener_1,4,"That's the problem. Idk if it's true and scarier I like being sad. It's comforting. Idk about it being a phase. I've been like this as long as I could remember, but I guess that's what alienation growing up does to you. Haha ah..",0.6542,positive,sad 1586,depressed,Quick advice that may help someone,speaker,1,"Hi this isn't much of a post but I've been really fucked mentally for awhile , as bad as anxiety can get trust me! Anyway I recently took a trip to Vegas for a few days and did all kinds of things out of my comfort zone. This got me slightly more comfortable with social/loud settings and has given me a boost in mood that seems to be lasting. Just escape for awhile. Make sure you have the money saved up first of course, but getting out to another area can really change your current perspective on life and people, I met so many amazing people and had experiences I only ever dreamed of having, just take a chance and take a vacation, it will help!!!!! just my 2 cents hope it gets at least 1 person to experience the slight revival I feel! Good luck everyone!",0.9888,positive,excited 1586,depressed,Quick advice that may help someone,speaker,2,"(what helped, just drink drink drink, let go, have fun you can do literally anything there)",0.5106,positive,neutral 1586,depressed,Quick advice that may help someone,listener_1,3,"Not sure alcohol binges are the best way out of depression. I went to Atlantic City in the wintertime and I thought it was like a purgatory, but that is a good time to enjoy ocean views IMO.",0.8648,positive,apprehensive 1587,depressed,"I didn't know where else to post and I guess you can't just post like on twitter lmao I'm a bot, I'm new to this plez don't hate me",speaker,1,Really low self esteem and self worth rn,-0.1263,negative,disappointed 1587,depressed,"I didn't know where else to post and I guess you can't just post like on twitter lmao I'm a bot, I'm new to this plez don't hate me",listener_1,2,"Me too. Not to the bot part, but the low self esteem part. ",-0.3919,negative,agreeing 1587,depressed,"I didn't know where else to post and I guess you can't just post like on twitter lmao I'm a bot, I'm new to this plez don't hate me",speaker,3,Feelsbadman,0.0,neutral,disgusted 1587,depressed,"I didn't know where else to post and I guess you can't just post like on twitter lmao I'm a bot, I'm new to this plez don't hate me",speaker,4,What hard work? Lmao. Also I'm not an NPC. I just meant a bot like a pleb idk nvm it doesn't matter ,0.6732,positive,questioning 1588,depressed,Useless #2 weekly update,speaker,1,"Starting to ignore my family a bit more and focus more on making friends. I had signed up for art and drama club at the beginning of school, but I haven’t gone to any meetings due to social anxiety. Art is a nice place, lots of nice people to talk to. Met a couple of new people who have a interesting way of drawing and painting. Drama club is okay, entertains to watch. Seems most of the activities consist of groups and acting it out in front of people, but not knowing anyone in the class isn’t helpful. Still don’t feel very happy and very useful at all, but it was nice to try some new things. I’ll probably be heading back to the art club since I had a pretty good time. ",0.9926,positive,lonely 1588,depressed,Useless #2 weekly update,listener_1,2,Keep it up! I’ll be waiting on your next update :),0.5093,positive,encouraging 1588,depressed,Useless #2 weekly update,speaker,3,"Good tip, I’ll start doing that from now on. Thanks :)",0.8316,positive,acknowledging 1588,depressed,Useless #2 weekly update,speaker,4,Everyone seems to have the same personality in the room making it easier to chat and learn more about everyone.,0.4215,positive,trusting 1588,depressed,Useless #2 weekly update,listener_2,5,Another setting that's like this is the dog park. Mostly people there are relaxing and are happy just to talk about easy topics like their dogs. I got a lot calmer around people going there twice a day with my dogs for a few years.,0.946,positive,content 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,speaker,1,If you have i was wondering if you could tell me about it sorry to anyone,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,listener_1,2,"I went to a mental hospital for kids from ages 12-17 because I'm a minor. I'll tell you about my experience. &#x200B; So, when I first was admitted into the hospital, I was nervous and anxious. Staff started searching myself and my stuff that I brought along. Afterwards, they brought me into the actual hospital. It was more of a group home than a hospital. I saw kids that all seemed young then some that were around my age. Then I changed into a gown and they searched my clothes. You *can* wear your own clothes, just make sure there are not any strings or rips on them. They stuck to a schedule everyday, with different groups such as expressive arts, life moves, therapeutic sports, and more. These groups were to help you cope. Throughout the day, I was able to stay distracted, even make some friends. Everyone there is there for some different reason, but mostly because they all feel the same. You'll come across kids that are there because they wanted to kill them, self harmed, attempted, are homicidal or think of harming others as they say, schizophrenics, and others struggling with other mental illnesses. They diagnosed medication to the kids who needed them, for sleep, anxiety, or depression. They gave us 3 meals and 3 snacks between them - breakfast, lunch. and dinner. You don't have to eat or participate in any of the groups, you can even sleep mostly all day if you wanted. Just keep in mind, the staff keeps tabs on everyone. If you participate and get better, you'll get to go home sooner. I was there for 9 days and it was hell. &#x200B; I am going to get off track but I want to share everything I can remember. They had rules like; no touching, no sharing food, no ripped clothes, if you wore shoes they'd take the strings, no phones, no pens or pencils unless you're being supervised and the only exception is homework from school, no jewelry, or anything (they made me take out my nose piercing), they did room checks everyday which was checking your mattress and blankets for no rips or holes &#x200B; I showered in the mornings and I laundered my clothes &#x200B; Anything that wasn't allowed would be put in the contraband and valuables like phones or jewelry would be put in a safe I had a nurse. At the beginning they'd draw my blood and they'd give you shots, but they aren't scary. Usually they'll just take your blood pressure and ask you these questions. ""Do you feel like hurting yourself or others?"" ""Do you feel like you're safe to go home?"" ""How would you rate your depression and anxiety on a scale of 1-10?"" They'd ask that a lot. &#x200B; About the people there, as mentioned already. The kids there are actual people. They had weird stories but they're mostly nice, I made all of them my friends. The facility I was in was for 14 people max, so there shouldn't be too much people. It feels weird though if you imagine, you wouldn't ever talk or have met these people if it weren't because you were within these walls. The staff is mostly helpful, sometimes they do get annoying though. &#x200B; Advice; Tell them the truth. If you feel like self harming, tell them. If you feel suicidal, tell them. They won't do anything bad. They'll talk to you though. But don't tell them everything. You can mostly relate to the patients there for that. They aren't that bad. If you want to get better, just focus on getting better. Prepare yourself for the outside world, you got this. &#x200B; My pros and cons. Pros; I met depressed kids like me. Within those 9 days, I had gotten extremely close to them. It's weird because, they get you and it's like living with them at the facility. I found friends that actually made me feel like I mattered. Validation and self value I set my goals straight, had time away from family and the main causes of my depression I got good advice I consider myself experienced now I was inspired hearing other people's stories I noticed my progress from sad to happy and enjoyable for a little, even though it was temporary My family finally knew I wasn't okay &#x200B; Cons; I got depressed afterwards I learned new self harm and suicide methods I had high hopes in the hospital but all was gone when I got out I was back in reality and it was shit &#x200B; But it's okay. I managed. Sorry if I skipped anything, which I'm pretty sure I did. There was just too much. I had a great experience but it might be different for you. Just don't go in there expecting it to be a certain way. Also, they take a picture of you when you go in for... some reason history depression record thing. But it doesn't go on your actual record, I think. Hope this helped sorri &#x200B; &#x200B;",0.7845,positive,apprehensive 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,speaker,3,Thank you umm sorry,0.29600000000000004,positive,sympathizing 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,speaker,4,I dont really know just what it was like,0.3612,positive,neutral 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,listener_2,5,Eye opening. ,0.0,neutral,afraid 1589,depressed,Was wondering if anyone has been in a mental hospital,speaker,6,Umm what do you mean,0.0,neutral,questioning 1590,depressed,thoughts part 1,speaker,1,i think if im gonna suicide im gonna backflip off a building and stream it. but im gonna put my thoughts here maybe once in a week but i dunno u can put them too i dont care.,-0.7345,negative,suggesting 1590,depressed,thoughts part 1,listener_1,2,Interesting. I think about hanging myself from my bed frame or blowing my house up and killing my family. &#x200B;,-0.4019,negative,annoyed 1590,depressed,thoughts part 1,speaker,3,How do you blow up ur house?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1591,depressed,I hope i die in my sleep,speaker,1,i cant live this live anymore i kept being scold by my family everytime i do something i cant even play games and anything the only person who kept me alive is my mother and my friends. school also fucked my life forever grades also fucked my life. I remember when my father called me useless it just kept coming into my head and i cant stand it. I dont want to die because suicide. I just want to die peacefully. English is not my first language and also im typing this while walking and thinking about death :),-0.9362,negative,devastated 1591,depressed,I hope i die in my sleep,listener_1,2,Hope things get bearable. ,0.4404,positive,consoling 1591,depressed,I hope i die in my sleep,speaker,3,yea hm,0.0,neutral,questioning 1591,depressed,I hope i die in my sleep,speaker,4,appreciate the love bro :) im try to be positive everytime somethings bad comes,0.875,positive,acknowledging 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,speaker,1,"I don’t know where to start, but I’ll introduce myself first. My online alias is kris, I’m 21 years of age, and I’m originally from Saudi Arabia. My family comes from one of the biggest and oldest tribes in the country, and they consider tradition sacred. I currently go to college overseas in a fellow Arab country, with my family, I wish I could say where, but I have to stay anonymous for this, and you’ll know why in a moment. My dad works in the embassy of Saudi, just like the rest of his family, he had met big shots before, like MbS and other princes and members of the royal family. He’s well known wherever he’s sent, mainly due to his professional work and experience unlike his colleagues who ascend from the far end of the deserts, known otherwise as “Bedouins”. My uncle, as well, is well known, he was seen on TV multiple times. My dad is educated, and has countless certificates, he has experience in almost every field out there, he’s also open minded to a degree, he doesn’t mind us (his children) to oppose the culture and traditions of our heritage, which is seen something here. He stands out pretty clearly in such a tribe like ours. He suffers from hypertension (high blood pressure) and is vulnerable to a stroke at any time. Keep that in mind. My mom, who is my dad’s cousin, is a rather ignorant, negative, uneducated, and abusive woman, she dropped out of college when she heard my dad is going to marry her, not because she wants to spend more time with him, or unable to study, but rather because there’s someone who can pay for her stuff. Ever since i was brought up in this family, she was always abusive, to a physical degree, even today. She’s an extremely deceitful person, she uses my time and age, to her own advantage. She daydreams that i graduate from college and shower her in cash, and buy her the biggest and most expensive house out there, carelessly. And if you’re wondering, I have a number of siblings, and they’re extremely happy and comfortable with my parents, and think the abusive way they are treated is normal, only because others are treated like that in our circle. Enough about my family, now let’s talk about me. I am depressed because I can’t be who I am, and do what I want, like or love, at all. I have to pretend that I’m someone I’m clearly not, I have to fake emotions, smiles and cries the entire time, just so my family can spare me their 2-hour rants about how “wrong” I am and that no one out there is like me. I’m currently forced to go to college, against my wishes. If I refuse, though I did before but nothing happened, I risk my whole future. My parents have always told me that if I don’t like it here (with them) then I should bugger off to live with my grandparents back home who are nothing but backward minded farmers who think Islam and Muslims invented everything and they’re “Allah’s” chosen people, and that people like me shouldn’t exist. I’m constantly under the threat of just that. Oh, and they hate me and my family so much that I can’t find a way to tell you. In short, I can’t go back home, it makes me 10x worse, and seriously begin to consider suicide. What saddens me is that, none of my family members have matched the intellectual level I have reached, yet I am the one who should live in such a miserable lifestyle. I view myself a successful person, because I have achieved what others over here could not. I learned English on my own at home without a tutor, I educated myself well enough regarding: history, political science, religion, and technology. A bit of sociology as well. All within the boundaries of my room, while I’m thinking to myself “I should end it”. Now compare me to those people who are not depressed, and not isolated, yet has accomplished very little. Yep, there’s a huge gap there. Being a bisexual could cost me my head, not to mention an ex-Muslim and politically opposing the royal family. Speaking of religion, I’m currently doing an extensive research regarding Christianity, because my heart says it’s the right religion for me. That too, will not help. That’s a guarantee to be beheaded with no mistakes. What I always wonder about is a solution, something that can keep me away from my family and my country. If I don’t end up with a college degree, then I’m surely to end up back home with my backward minded Bedouin relatives who will happily show me what our culture is about. Thus, I don’t think there will ever be a solution for me. My family oppose my idea of living in the west. They despise the west, and people who abandon their culture, traditions and religion, they view these as sacred. But then, I can’t push myself enough to study and “gtfo” here (though I practically can’t), because I’m too depressed to do that, and my family certainly isn’t helping. They make things much worse for me. All I think of, every day, is how do I end this? Not my depression, of course, but rather how do I end my life? How do I put myself to a stop? All the meanwhile, my family think that I’m happy and content with my life, as they pressure me to do their religious rituals and other stuff for them. It’s like asking someone who has a gun aimed to their head, to pray, or go to college. If they don’t care about their life, obviously they won’t give a flying buck about anything in life. Instead that makes them miserable, and hurts them. What do I want? What’d help me? That is something that will never happen, ever. To migrate to the west (NA) and stay away from my family. Remember who my dad is. This is my first post on Reddit, I don’t know why I’m here or how to use Reddit, but I decided to go in blind. I never ranted about this to anyone before, this is the first time that I did that, and I feel pretty bad about it. Why are ranting, you ask? Because I’m very lonely, isolated, secluded and haven’t ranted to anyone before, I bottle up my emotions for eternity. PS: a lot of things I forgot to mention and I hope people won’t get confused. I’m more than certain this will be forgotten and left behind as people scroll through. ",0.9551,positive,faithful 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,listener_1,2,"Please keep posting; releasing emotions with words/speech is valuable to most of us here. I think someone from your culture may understand your situation in a way which Westerners cannot? Keep an eye out for someone you can trust, a person who might help you escape into a less difficult environment.",0.8718,positive,suggesting 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,speaker,3,"I’m not used to express myself or release my emotions at all, I’m afraid to do that and it makes me anxious. It took me almost 40 minutes to finally decide to publish this post. But nonetheless, I will keep trying. People like me are super rare here, there’s barely anybody I can trust. It’s like looking for sharks in a lake or hunting a grizzly bear in the desert. I’ve only met one person throughout the years who was open minded enough to talk about it with me, but then that was a 20 minute convo then she disappeared. Though it was about our views on religion. I appreciate you taking the time to comment, it means a lot to me. Makes me feel that I matter, at least.",0.9593,positive,anxious 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,listener_1,4,"In societies like yours, some individualist people might develop a public and private face without too much mental strain. Probably every human must create an interior 'person' which is not shared with others; I myself went through a similar process because of family pressures related to my father's traditionalism. I keep my distance from them for my own peace of mind. ",0.552,positive,lonely 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,speaker,5,"That was EXACTLY the plan I had in mind. But they don’t believe that I can be capable of living alone and carrying out chores and tasks, because I don’t do well with whatever they ask of me, they think it’s me, and not the thing they want me to do. Even though I proved myself to be responsible and self sufficient and so on, but that didn’t work out for me. I spent a whole year just doing what my family wants me to do, and I did very well, they told me they were proud of me, then I asked my dad to let me study overseas or at least move somewhere else, this way I could seek asylum, but my dad laughed and said “what’d you tell people when they ask you why didn’t you get a degree? I don’t like the country I went to? They’re going to laugh at you.” That was the last time I told my dad something of this sort. My plan was to get sent overseas, study for 5 years, apply for a permanent residency, stall for one more year, and acquire a citizenship then finally change my name and join the army to have my citizenship revoked in 6 months. My dad has no problem sending me overseas to study for a masters degree, but the obstacle here is graduating from college with a bachelors degree.",0.9816,positive,disappointed 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,listener_2,6,"Find the easiest degree you can. Go talk to the counselor about recommending the degree you can graduate with the fastest. This is your life. You have to play the long-game to get what you want. Especially when you can’t be in control of your life at home. Make a plan, bullet point the list with step by step details. Small goals you can check off as you reach them. This is going to take years, but the results will be worth it. We are here for you. Please let us know how you are doing. ",0.7351,positive,hopeful 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,speaker,7,"I currently have one more year left before graduation, I’d graduate in early 2020. I’m studying bachelors. What I’m afraid of is failure, I can’t be motivated enough to keep going due to the unbelievable pressure my family puts on me about college. I always cheated in finals and that was how I made it this far. I have no idea what I’m studying at all. To be frank, I’m starting to consider seeking asylum. But I doubt I’d be granted. Either way, it’s a huge risk, because if I don’t get granted, then I can’t go back home like nothing happened, there’ll be severe consequences. I appreciate your support, I really do. Thank you with all my heart. ",0.9368,positive,afraid 1592,depressed,Will this ever end? Will there be a solution?,speaker,8,"I've considered seeking asylum, and I thought about it for the past two days. It seems to me the easiest way to go on vacation there and ask for asylum at a port of entry. It's much easier this way, than studying a whole (another) year of something that I am unable to understand or comprehend because I have no passion or need to, under constant and incredible mental pressure. &#x200B; Thanks for the support. Without any of you, I wouldn't know that I am able to seek asylum.",0.7385,positive,grateful 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,speaker,1,"Not sure where to start. I guess ive always been depressed. As long as i can remember at least except for a couple years in my life so far. I remember being very crafty and artsy as a young kid, being able to do all sorts of things that shocked my parents a kid my age could do. I thank and love my parents for being so supportive of what i do, but i still feel lost. Art was my getaway from life because i could just turn off my brain and do art. I made everything, from model rockets with fancy paint designs to custom star wars helmets. I even built myself in carbonite casting my face and hands and wiring electronic boards for the side panels. And i did this all before highschool, using memories not from my life. I am also self taught on bass. I tried a music thing at school once in like 3rd grade and i picked up the bass and just knew how to play it. One of the orchestra directors told my parents that i was super talented beyond my age and they should find a proffesional to teach me. My parents didnt have the money, but supported my talent i guess and i taught myself. I got good enough that in 8th grade, a composer from an orchestra recommended that i audition for an honors performance thing at carnegie hall, and i got picked. Only 80 kids from around the world got to go, and it was one of the greatest experiences in my life. I became the first drum major at my highschool that was a junior, and my band director saw my musical talent was almost at his level. I aced the AP test without even trying. I also love movies, comics, TV, books, all that media stuff. It was a combination of my love for those things that i think made me really want to immerse myself in that area. I loved movies not only for stories, but all the technical stuff behind it, animation, camera work, etc. Maybe youre thinking at this point, why the fuck is this guy depressed? I guess it was because i used all of that to escape myself. I hate myself a lot sometimes. A lot of the time actually. I got bullied a ton in elementary/middle school. I got bullied for being different and being smart, etc. I hung out with bad people. Half of them arent even around anymore. Im only 19 and i know at least 3 who have OD'd on herion, 1 in jail, 1 who got shot by the police, etc. I miss them so much. I picked up smoking in middle school around these guys. One of my best buds (idk if hes around today, if he is, hope he's out of the shithole he was born in) had parents who were divorced and both remarried. One side was herion dealers and the other side was cocaine. I used to do drug runs for them a bunch. I shoplifted. I learned magic at a really young age doing card tricks, slight of hand, stealing watches, etc. I hate myself for doing it. Sometimes i think of how many people i killed because they OD'd off of my heroin drop off. My parents never knew any of this. They trusted me too much. I once told my parents that killing was fun. Even if it was myself. They knew i was smart but tehy were so afraid. I got taken to a psychologist but i didnt want them to know i had suicidal thoughts or anything so i just went through the motions. Maybe a bad idea. Actually a terrible idea in hindsight. I also took a couple IQ tests. Im somwhere around 140, hence never needing to study at all to do well in school. I always pretended to tell my parents ""im studying"" while off shitting around with those bad people to forget who i was. When i pulled in all A's they never gave a second look. I took the ACT once in 6th grade and got a 26 with no knowledge of what an important test it is. I just thought whatever and moved on. I knew i had to end this cycle of shit or i was gonna end myself. It was gonna happen. For highschool, i asked my parents to send me to a military academy. They said ok and supported it, so i went to an all boys catholic military academy for highschool. It was difficult at first, leaving all the friends i knew, but got much easier once i remembered all the people i hated and wanted to kill because they bullied me so much. I excelled there, getting double rank promotions and being top of the class, despite all the shit my life was. Im not religious, so all the catholic crap meant nothing to me. It was just doing stuff to keep my mind off of me, off of my past. I made some of the best fucking friends of my life there at the academy, going through plebe training and all the army camp. I got the military band commander as the first junior due to my music capabilities, and my ability to also hide all of my feelings. I remember winning at poker a bunch just because it was so easy to hide all the pain and stone face everyone. I also had the best girlfriend of my life so far. Had. I still love her to pieces, even though we broke up 8 months ago. Our relationship was 4 years, basically all of highschool. She had depression too, so i never told her any of my life because i didnt want her to worry about me at all. Maybe she saw what i was, or what i could become, so she left. I will never know. Thats a hole in my heart that wont fill anytime soon. I remember playing paintball a ton because it felt so good to shoot people. I won a tournament with a friend at a regional championship so that was fun. We didnt get home until 1 in the morning that night, and i had the ACT the next morning for the second time in my life. I woke up, took 2 shots of 5 hour energy and got a 35 on it without trying that hard. I remember everyone fucking hated me for that. Right now after leaving the academy i applied to a bunch of schools, and im ok with where i am i guess. Its nothing special. Im doing engineering. I also go boxing a lot. It feels good to release my anger and beat the shit out of people. I have a schedule to excercise and study. I quit smoking. Anything to try and help myself i guess. But thats just it. Im just going through the motions in a lif that barely has any meaning to me anymore. Lots of people i guess would kill to be in my position, but i wouldnt. I hate depression. And im slowly losing to it. I really should have nothing to be so depressed about, but i am depressed. All of those things that made me happy in the past where just enough to get me to stop thinking about killing myself. I hate myself. I hate my past. I feel so unmotivated. I feel so lonely and lost. Im losing my passions, losing my friends, i lost my girlfriend who said she would never leave. Life never goes as you plan it, but i thought that was one thing i could count on. I feel fucking destroyed, even almost a year after it ended. I look back at all the shit that happened to me, how i was bullied, the kids who i hung out with, and sometimes wondr how i ended up at one of the best engineering colleges out there. Then i remember how much my brain tells me i dont deserve it. I dont deserve my parents love sometimes. What if someone else had parents who loved them as much as mine loved me? What if someone else had my talents and really was able to apply themselves without being bullied or depressed. Im a nobody, and i cant see it changing. Im just a small particle on a floating piece of dust in the universe. I hate me. And i cant stop. Sometimes i shake myself to sleep so afraid of death and most of the time i feel so shitty and just want to end it. Maybe i dont deserve the hand thats been dealt to me. Who will remember anyway? Time goes on, people go on, and if i dont, the people who love me will move on too anyway. Its just the way the world works. Maybe i should be gone. Sorry for the life story. Thought it might mean more to someone else out there than it does to me. ",0.7156,positive,nostalgic 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,listener_1,2,Hey.... may I PM you? ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,speaker,3,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,speaker,4,"Thanks for the suggestion. At the moment id rather not because it would hinder me in the navy right now. Ik i should probably take care of my mental health first but my morals are all screwed atm. Thanks for the luck, ill try to use it well.",0.5346,positive,wishing 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,listener_2,5,Can’t you get help from the Navy if it’s PTSD related?,0.4019,positive,questioning 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,speaker,6,Probably. Im not sure if its PTSD related though.,-0.2411,negative,apprehensive 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,listener_2,7,"What about supplements rather than prescribed medication so you can stay under the radar with the Navy? St. John’s wort May help with mild depression and anxiety. Speaking personally, it helped me through REALLY dark times after my miscarriages. You can even find it at Walmart. Relora blocks the stress hormone, cortisol, and can help relax you during stressful situations. Speaking personally, being the Mom of a special needs child can be VERY stressful and this really helps. It’s more on the pricier side but worth every penny. This one you can get on Amazon or specialty vitamin stores like GNC or the Vitaminshoppe.",0.7925,positive,hopeful 1593,depressed,Any help? Any motivation? This is gonna be long.,speaker,8,Ill check them out. Thank you so much for the suggestions,-0.0772,negative,acknowledging 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",speaker,1,"I am a married man with family. I am constantly blamed for everything. Every problem in our relationship, and many are not even real, on perceived. I can't argue the wrong perception or say its wrong without a MAJOR fight. It's been like that for SOO long I start to believe I am a horrible person (along with being told I'm one, and and horrible husband) I don't know how to break free from my thoughts. I used to think I'm a good guy, nice, caring, loving... Provide, give my all for my family... But words change whet I think. I don't have friends or go out or anything like that... All my time and efforts are for them. But I'm told my efforts are not good enough. I know to do more and therefore should. I work 60+ hrs and part time college, I'm not young any more either. 40. I just wish I could find someone, friend (if I had one) or someone to come into my life and help me believe I am not the root cause of everything. I makes me believe if I were no longer around life would be great for everyone. Its me, I am the problem....",0.9277,positive,angry 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",listener_1,2,"Do they actually give you constructive criticism with what you could change or just shit on you? Consider talking to a therapist, it's good to get a 3rd party point of view to help you analyze what is going wrong. It can really help to talk through situations with some guidance. You've got to be willing and wanting change for therapy to work though.",0.1761,positive,questioning 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",speaker,3,"No nothing is constructive. After being yelled at for hours I am told I am a horrible person and bad husband. Told 8 years ago I was horrible, and I have gotten much worse year after year. Oh and she tells me often how good she is doing and will NEVER a take care if what she does wrong and can NEVER be told she did anything wrong .",-0.9671,negative,angry 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",speaker,4,"She will be very critical or judgemental. Last issue was her criticizing me taking a work call, which I do seldom. Very judgemental any issue could have waited at least 90 min. Btw nothing was going on in the house at that time. Was quiet. I said it was important to reapond, she repeated her argument it could wait and not be at their beck and call. I am the boss, salaried. She got attitude, with me, condemning me, and I called her on it and asked her to please be nice, we don't have to fight. That made her angry. Yelled at me for not talking about something important to her and quashing her and never let her speak, she got more attitude and continued to criticized my tone, which at this point was scared and hurt... And well that springboarded into one of the worst fights ever with her screaming and yelling through the house in front of kids and well there ya go.",-0.9433,negative,angry 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",listener_2,5,Maybe she is actually the one that needs to speak with a therapist. Ever think that maybe she thinks you are spending too much time at work and not enough time with the family so now when you are home and take a work call that she gets mad because it’s like you are again choosing to spend time on work than with the family?,-0.1779,negative,suggesting 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",listener_1,6,"Sorry to hear that, I still suggest talking to a therapist (alone at least for now). It will just help you walk through the problem and more clearly figure out what you want to do next. You think that is something you'd be able to do? I could not in good conscious give you advice over reddit because I'm neither a professional or know the entire situation well enough to but this is a good place to vent.",0.6362,positive,sympathizing 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",speaker,7,"I wish I could go talk to someone. My wife would be vehemently opposed, offended, and VERY ANGRY. I've thought about talking to the pastor of or church, but same. I would embarrassed her and our family and that will creates weeks and months of NEW problems, and I have enough problems... I have mountains",-0.8855,negative,ashamed 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",listener_1,8,"There should be a way you can do it privately. Even if you can't, your mental health is way more important than how angry or offended anyone else is. It's about you, not them. I lost a parent to suicide, I'd take any kind of social embarrassment if it meant my parents were dealing with their depression, over what actually ended up happening. Take care of yourself.",-0.8791,negative,angry 1594,depressed,"BLAMED for everything. No relief, drowning....",speaker,9,"Thankyoy for the encouragement. At thus point I am too scared to ""poke the bear"" I've been living for years to keep thing ok. Sometimes I can, many times I can't. Ill appologize and ask forgiveness for things I've never done or small in significant things trying to keep it all ok. Some days its no big deal. Other days the stupidest small non significant thing is HUGE and life changing. Such as disagreeing on taking a work call. Not a big deal right... Well it was the WORLD, 3 days ago, and I am still paying the price. I've apologized said I was wrong accepted full blame for all the problems. And still nothing. She keeps chiding me and pushing me (mean) to see if I was really sorry or if I would be irritated at her chiding.... This is HARD and I hurt too MUCH",-0.8708,negative,ashamed 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,speaker,1,"I need to talk about this. I’ve been having a hard time with it, and I need to talk about it. About 7 months ago, June 2018, my girlfriend [F18] broke up with me. We were together for 9 months. We met in September 2017. She was the first girl to actually love me...all the girls in high school used me for sex, so meeting her was like meeting an angel. She was the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She was a virgin, hadn’t even had her first kiss. She wanted to wait for intercourse until she was married aswell. I was cool with that. Well, she fell in love with me so much, that she changed her mind and actually asked if we could. At the time we were dating for 7 months. I asked if she was sure, she didn’t need to rush it, but she said she was. So, I took her virginity. That was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life. Anyway, we did everything together. We went to Homecoming, Prom, I went to her birthday, her graduation, we spent Christmas together, etc. I hadn’t been that happy in years. I spent so much time and money with her. Unfortunately, instead of my 100% focus being on our relationship, I had 90% focus on getting her to not hate me, and the other 10 percent on us. I was terrified of her hating me for no reason because so many people have left me in my life. I’m afraid of loss and abandonment. So that started to affect the way I treated her. Combine that with the fact that, my graduation was coming up, I was jobless, and we were talking about getting married and moving in together, my stress levels were sky high. So I started to become verbally abusive. I’ve always had anger problems, but it was starting to get worse around May. I got so angry at my Mom I slammed my phone on the ground. She saw it, and told me if I didn’t start treating her better and get anger management, she’d leave me. I said I would...but, I procrastinated. I didn’t think it was a big deal. And I certainly didn’t think she’d leave me. She did. I think in her mind, she thought if I she left me, it would encourage me to get help. It didn’t. It made me depressed. I hated it. I felt horrible. We still stayed friends for god sake and that made it worse. Finally I kept going down this downward spiral, and during a phone call with her, I lost it. Looking back....I’m not sure what the hell happened. It was like a mixture of sadness and anger with myself. I called her a bit*h, and other names, and I called her dad a bit*h aswell.. She hung up, said she didn’t wanna talk to me for a long time. She blocked me, and I kept finding ways to get around it. I was lost. I wasn’t me anymore. The last time I talked to her, she called me insane and said if I ever contacted her or her family again she would file a restraining order. And she said she’d stay mad at me for the rest of my life. I didn’t contact her after that. It’s been 7 months since the breakup. And 4 since I last talked to her. And I still haven’t gotten over it. I became so depressed that I left my hometown and am now 1,000 miles across the country with no idea of what the hell I’m doing here. I hate knowing I took her virginity. Because she could’ve lost it to someone so much better. That, is what hurts me the most. And I hate knowing that we did so much together, and it could’ve been saved if I just fucking manned up and got help. But now it’s wasted. I hate knowing she hates me. I’m fucking depressed. I should be over it but I’m not. I’m an asshole. I’m well aware of that. I just wish I could’ve done better. I loved her so much. She was my angel and now because of my mistakes, it’s fucked. ",-0.9989,negative,devastated 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,listener_1,2,"1,000.0 miles ≈ 1,609.3 kilometres ^(1 mile ≈ 1.61km) ^(I'm a bot. Downvote to remove.) _____ ^| ^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8lt7af/i_am_a_bot/) ^| ^[PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Ttime5) ^| ^[Stats](http://botmetric.pythonanywhere.com) ^| ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Bot_Metric&subject=Don't%20reply%20to%20me&message=If%20you%20send%20this%20message,%20I%20will%20no%20longer%20reply%20to%20your%20comments%20and%20posts.) ^| ^[v.4.4.7](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8o9vgz/updates/) ^|",0.0,neutral,annoyed 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,speaker,3,I apologized to her 4 months ago. She won’t accept it...,0.5994,positive,ashamed 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,listener_2,4,"May have changed her mind since, who knows. Most important thing is to take care, get help and figure out a way move on. Accept you can't force her to accept your apology. What you can do is talk to her, if it will make you feel better.",0.9359,positive,consoling 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,speaker,5,"If I talk to her, and she doesn’t accept my apology, or she treats me like shit when I talk to her, that won’t make me feel better. Last time I talked to her, I was being respectful and honest but not rude. She on the other hand, was incredibly rude. I don’t wanna feel like shit again for attempting to contact her. ",0.7078,positive,disappointed 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,listener_3,6,"Yeah, don't ever try to talk to her again. At this point you are doing it for your sake, apologising for your peace of mind, not for hers. You scare her and you hurt her every time you try to make unwanted contact with her. And look, you're saying you should have manned up and gotten help then. Man up and get help now. Find a therapist, see a psychiatrist. Do it for the memory of her if you can't do it for yourself. You'll find someone again someday and you can be a better person for that future SO if you work on your issues now.",0.6908,positive,agreeing 1595,depressed,I ruined a perfectly good relationship and took her virginity..,speaker,7,"Thank you for your advice. At least it’s actual advice and not bitching at me for my mistakes. And thank you /u/Cell_one as-well. I know I shouldn’t contact her again. It would ruin her, and me. It’s just hard, you know? Knowing that I scare her...because I do. It’s obvious. I just don’t know how to cope with that. I wish I didn’t scare my one chance of a wife away. It fucking sucks. ",-0.7491,negative,guilty 1596,depressed,sad and high,speaker,1,"The night's young, but depression demands it's presence early today I guess. She usually starts to come at midnight, like I'm some sort of Cinderella that transforms into a servant at midnight, but I'm happy that turns into severe depression when the clock strikes twelve. I am currently high. I'm a mess while trying to type properly. I'm just trying to numb the pain I feel. To others, I know I may seem stupid for relying on drugs to feel, sorry, it helps me. I was stuck in thought thinking that, there is not one person in this world that I don't feel like I'm annoying or burdening when telling about my feelings. My mental health is deteriorating. It's so bad. My depression fluctuate. I hate that about me because no matter what, it's always been like this, and I'm afraid that it'll ALWAYS be this way. I'll never be happy. I'll never be happy. I always ruin newfound relationships when I let them in on how I really am. Just a sad, mentally ill, coward. Because of stuff like this, I have no friends. I've dug my hole far and deep. I'm an introvert. I hate me so much. My thoughts are actually killing me. They're eating away at whats left. I want to die. It's unhealthy that I feel like dying is the best option there is in this world. I deserve to die. sorry for burdening u with my problems \-c",-0.9986,negative,ashamed 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_1,2,My mental health has been detonating as well lately. I can’t get good sleep even if I sleep for hours and I feel so suicidal at the same time. I’m so sick of life and it never seems to get any better. The nights are definitely the worst. I feel so lonely and hurt and have no one to turn to during the nights. ,-0.9391,negative,lonely 1596,depressed,sad and high,speaker,3,"a cool minute, maybe 5 years ago?",0.3182,positive,suggesting 1596,depressed,sad and high,speaker,4,cute of you to point out what i said ok,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_2,5,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_3,6,Did something happen to change your life or does the depression seem to come from within regardless of what's going on in your life?,-0.5719,negative,questioning 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_4,7,"Right, I could have added an explanation: I pointed out a bright-side to the situation.",0.0,neutral,ashamed 1596,depressed,sad and high,speaker,8,am wanna die still haha..,-0.2263,negative,acknowledging 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_4,9,Understood. Stick around anyway for the sake of seeing how circumstances change.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1596,depressed,sad and high,speaker,10,idk but im gonna kill myself today maybe my teachers on my ass and i want to ditch right now ,-0.9194,negative,suggesting 1596,depressed,sad and high,listener_5,11,"Not sarcasm, you know its not",0.1695,positive,agreeing 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,1,"I went to my friends house saying I was feeling suicidal and I just needed a safe space with them. Nothing more. They called the police on me. This got me sectioned. I was surrounded by 4 very intimidating men, telling me to get into their car, to go to a “safe place”. It was terrifying. I’ve blocked their messages on Facebook as I can’t talk to them right now. I feel completely betrayed, hurt, and I feel even worse about myself than I did before. The guys at the sectioning place even thought my friends had overreacted. But nonetheless, it was a traumatic experience last night. The worst thing: - I work with them. - One of them is my manager. - They’re my only friends. Am I right for feeling this way? I don’t know?",-0.9476,negative,afraid 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,listener_1,2,"They only called the police because they were concerned for your safety. When confronted with potentially fatal situations, especially unfamiliar ones, we often over-react out of fear, choosing the err on the side of safety rather than risk. If they didn't care about the state of your mental health, they probably would not have reacted the way they did. They probably felt out of their depth in the face of someone is so much distress that they felt suicidal. That often scares people into wanting to do something drastic.",-0.9532,negative,apprehensive 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,3,"The thing is the police were trying to get me to stay with them, which is what I was initially trying to do, and because they called the police on me I did not feel safe with them at all. I felt more scared of them than almost than I did with the police presence. I don’t know if I can forgive them: I feel like a freak, like a failure, and like they don’t think I’m safe and if they don’t think I’m safe then why would I want to subject them to that? It was a truly truly terrifying experience. I don’t think I can forgive them. I want to be alone at this point because then no one can hurt me. It took me a long time to trust them. And they broke that trust.",0.5575,positive,terrified 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,listener_1,4,"Your reaction is totally understandable. I would've been terrified too. What happened to you has happened to my oldest friend and my younger sister more than once. Sometimes they'll admit they needed to be hospitalized but it's horrible to be forced to go when you're not willing. Having your freedom taken away can be deeply traumatizing regardless of the good intentions behind it. I would probably want to be alone too. I have only connected with a few people in life and if one called the cops on me against my will, it would probably be a game-changer unless there were some very compelling reasons justifying it. If I knew I'd said or acted in a way that would legitimately scare the average person into thinking it's an emergency and police are needed, I'd probably forgive. But if I only wanted comforting and they decided not to deal with it and call the cops instead, I'd probably feel like you. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I've been suicidal off and on for almost 3 years since stopping my antidepressants but before that, I didn't understand how painful life can be. I hope you have other people you can turn to for comfort at this time?? If not, at least there's reddit. It's better than total isolation. Treat yourself gently like a baby focus on resting and healing from the ordeal. ",0.8572,positive,agreeing 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,5,Sadly I don’t really have many other friends. Hence my post to you guys here. Idk I just feel really scared of myself and them and I don’t really know how to help myself at this point. Thank you for being so understanding and for sharing yourself. It makes me feel like at least I’m not alone in having felt this way.,0.7874,positive,lonely 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,listener_2,6,Just remember one thing even though you don't understand why to follow it. Don't ever hurt yourself whatever happens.,0.4168,positive,faithful 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,7,I try. It’s hard though. My mind attacks itself.,-0.5106,negative,annoyed 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,listener_3,8,I was just talking about that problem with my Pdoc: what makes our brains turn on us or otherwise create mental activity like that?,0.2263,positive,questioning 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,9,Would be great to just remove those thoughts - kinda like in “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind” but not with memories just bad thoughts ,-0.1272,negative,acknowledging 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,listener_3,10,"I hope they are not connected, like Siamese resentments? haha.",0.224,positive,consoling 1597,depressed,Last night my friends overreacted and managed to get me sectioned.,speaker,11,"Well sometimes yeah haha but if I could just make my mind go “hey, you’re not worthless, and you aren’t a burden to everyone who is in contact with you” that would be amazing you know?",0.8229,positive,acknowledging 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,1,"So, last year, my mother and my aunt passed away within 24 hours of each other, on Jan 11th and 12th respectively. That was devestating for my entire family. Their funerals were held 3 days later on the 15th. We had one in the morning, and one in the afternoon. Only, the 15th is my birthday. So, I didn't expect anyone to remember, and I didn't bring it up. As I expected it wasn't thought about until much later that evening, and everyone tried to apologize. I told them it was okay, because it had been a terrible day. Now, this year, It's 6:21 pm, and I have not received a single call from any of my family, and I'm alone. I don't know if it's my mental illness that is making me feel so awful and forgotten and alone, or if I'm being dramatic. I mean, I'm not a kid. People's birthdays get forgotten. I guess I was just hoping that since everyone knew how hard this year was going to be for me, that they would at least call me to check on me. Even just because of the significance of the day period. Even a phone call would have been nice. Then I wouldn't have to sit here and pour my hurt out to strangers on the internet. ",-0.8941,negative,devastated 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,listener_1,2,Happy birthday. Im terribly sorry to hear what happened. ,-0.0516,negative,sympathizing 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,3,"Thanks. I've not dealt with the losses well, but I think the problem is I don't always let people see that. Maybe they don't realize how much I'm hurting?",-0.7543,negative,suggesting 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,5,"Thank you, and I agree with you, but I haven't really been able to cry since my mom. I wish I could, and it feels like I might sometimes, but it just doesn't happen. ",0.631,positive,sentimental 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,6,Thank you. I honestly feel like I'm being a spoiled brat for being disappointed. ,0.5994,positive,disappointed 1598,depressed,Birthday Blues?,speaker,7,Sorry to hear that😨. Sometimes people are at their most cruel when they're not even trying. ,-0.8221,negative,sympathizing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,1,"So I’ve been planning to kill my self for a while now and I’ve officially decided I’m going to do it on my birthday which is in around 2 weeks time. Do I slit my wrists or take pills? Or both? I’m stuck on whether I should leave a note or just leave it. God it sucks. No one knows how I feel and I’m fine with that, I’m a pretty void person. But I haven’t really got anything left. Call it a birthday gift to myself ",0.3313,positive,apprehensive 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,2,You won't get any feedback here about suicide methods. Please talk to a good listener about your thoughts of self-harm. ,-0.0772,negative,apprehensive 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,3,I don’t want suicide methods lol and I don’t want to talk about self harm ,-0.6808,negative,afraid 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,4,I don’t want help ,0.4588,positive,guilty 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,5,Good to hear.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,6,It most certainly is :),0.7146,positive,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,7,not really ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,8,Please refrain from discussing suicide methods.,-0.4939,negative,terrified 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,9,yeah I’ve got until Friday ,0.29600000000000004,positive,anticipating 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,10,Give yourself more time.,0.0,neutral,consoling 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,11,lol why I’ve been waiting over a year. I planned it for September but didn’t do it and then for New Years but something happened that I needed to fix and now everything’s done and ready I’m not going to pass up possibly the only chance I’ve got ,0.7684,positive,anticipating 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,12,Would anything change your mind?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,13,"nah I don’t think so, ig it’s my time to go ",-0.1027,negative,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,14,"You mention being ""a void person"" in your OP: I have strong anhedonia, and understand that feeling. I want to survive though -even just as a basic human animal, feeding simple desires. ",0.6249,positive,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,15,but I don’t want to be here. Even more has happened over the past 2 days or so. Now I just have double the reasons to do it lol ,0.631,positive,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,16,"Survival instincts should override suicide attempts and even self-harming like cutting, but our surface emotions seem out of our control. You don't have to hurt yourself: you have to drink water when thirsty or eat when hungry, but your need to self-harm is not an obligation. Please think about that. ",-0.0075,neutral,apprehensive 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,17,it’s not as simple as that though,0.0,neutral,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,18,Why?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,19,some people will just never understand and that’s just how it is lol,0.4215,positive,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,20,I can’t explain it without saying specific things lmao ,0.5994,positive,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,21,I survived suicide attempts; I can relate to anyone else who survived. Your personal thought patterns may only make sense to you though.,0.2732,positive,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,22,"that’s what I mean, of course people can relate to the suicide aspect of it but not to me on a personal level. People won’t understand my past nor what’s happened to me etc which makes it harder to tell people things because they simply don’t get it. I’m tired of having to explain why I want to do something or trying to make sense of how I feel and why I feel it to other people. If I chose to do something then it’s my decision and it’ll stay that way.",-0.7311,negative,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,23,"Fine, but why post here then if your mind is made up?",0.1027,positive,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,24,"because I needed to say something somewhere lol I can hardly approach someone I know with hey so I’m gonna fucking kill myself on Friday, just needed to get that off my chest have a nice day! lmao",0.5857,positive,acknowledging 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,25,Did you decide on a note? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,26,a very vague one yeah,0.1952,positive,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,27,Who do you want to see it?,0.0772,positive,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,28,I just plan on leaving it in my room and my mum will most likely be the first person to find it,0.0,neutral,trusting 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,29,How upset will she be?,-0.3818,negative,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,30,She’ll probably be slightly upset but I even doubt that so I’m not sure but maybe she should’ve thought about how she decided to treat me before feeling sad about shit ,-0.9098,negative,suggesting 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,31,You didn't mention parental abuse; how serious was it?,0.471,positive,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,32,physical was just your typical hit your kids but 10 times worse than ‘discipline’ if ya know what I mean ,-0.631,negative,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,33,"with my mum it wasn’t too bad, more just verbal but it got worse once my dad left but he was both verbal and physical. He’s a nonce but he never managed to completely do anything to me (sexual abuse) I just pushed him away and he played it off as a jokin around but he did it to my half sister (his daughter) and tried it with my other half sister (his step daughter). my mum (now) justs screams at me and basically tells me I’m shit lol",-0.9337,negative,neutral 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,34,Sounds traumatizing. Is there anyone in your family you can trust?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_2,35,"Hey hope your still there, just letting you know I can kind of relate to you, was terrorized as a child, screamed at, threatened to be abandoned, suffered from drugs problems and mental health issues, it gets better trust me, I know everyone says that but it does, once your 18 you can move far away from your parents and start your own life, ",-0.6249,negative,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,36,ha nO,0.0516,positive,apprehensive 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,37,"Dunno what more to say. If you postpone your exit, then keep posting in the sub; maybe you can help out another depressed person.",-0.3612,negative,suggesting 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,38,alright ,0.25,positive,agreeing 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,39,Still breathing?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,40,"so much to everyone’s dismay, yes I am ",-0.0258,neutral,embarrassed 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,41,I f a i l e d l o l,0.8402,positive,ashamed 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,listener_1,42,What is your plan now?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1599,depressed,I’m gonna off myself,speaker,43,Idk. To try again. I’ll give it a few weeks time to give people the impression that nothings going on ,0.128,positive,apprehensive 1600,depressed,I suck at everything!,speaker,1,"I am a man in mid 30s. I suck at everything in life! I cheat in every aspect of my life. I cheated my way through life. I cheated in my education (sometimes), cheated on my SO, constantly cheat at job to compensate for my incompetence. I am stuck with a job I hate. I have no prospect of having kids or a family. I have no friends, family lives in a far away country. I have no motivation to live. I am also a coward to kill myself and too lazy and incompetent to make any changes to improve my life. and I know I will suck miserably no matter what I do. I went for therapy didn't help just lost a lot of money. I wish I had a greater purpose in life but I just suck.",-0.9789,negative,ashamed 1600,depressed,I suck at everything!,speaker,2,Hahaha I even suck at this! Not a single comment or upvote..,0.2481,positive,furious 1600,depressed,I suck at everything!,listener_1,3,it's only been an hour relax mate :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 1600,depressed,I suck at everything!,speaker,4,I really hope you are right.. Right now I see no hope.. I feel like a machine programmed to earn a living to feed myself with no other purpose.. ,0.2702,positive,consoling 1600,depressed,I suck at everything!,speaker,5,Its a good advise thanks. I have tried before and came up with nothing. It was even worrying since I have passion for some things which are destructive.. something that may lead to an addiction..,0.34,positive,agreeing 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,speaker,1,So I suffer from depression and anxiety and I have a bad habit of driving for no reason. I will literally go and drive for an hour or so going nowhere specific I do this a lot. I don’t know why. It clears my head but it wastes me time. I need to stop because it wastes gas and my time. Is this weird? ,-0.8979,negative,ashamed 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,listener_1,2,"No, not to me anyway. This is how I got through my early-mid 20's. If you don't clear your head you'll waste a lot more of your own time, and there are plenty of activities that people undertake for similar reasons that are more destructive to themselves, their wallets, and the people around them. You'll also have a lot of those ""wait - *this* is how I get from \[point A\] to \[point B\]?"" moments, which are fun. Just, you know, don't do it if you're drunk or in a state of mind where you could be dangerous to others.",-0.8879,negative,neutral 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,speaker,3,Yeah it’s weird. I have two bad habits. One is driving all the time for no reason and late night binge eating. I need to find better outlets for these.,-0.3182,negative,acknowledging 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,listener_2,4,"driving, as long as you are doing it safely, is in no way a bad habit. And it's certainly not for ""no reason."" The reason is to clear your head. And that's not wasting time if it's making you more productive and more comfortable with life. It's perfectly fine what you are doing, and is, in fact, seemingly a very effective coping mechanism for you. Keep doing it. ",0.9497,positive,neutral 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,listener_3,5,"One thing I've always done (especially when I didn't have access to a car) is going for really long walks. A lot of the time I'd end up doing it when it's dark out though, which in retrospect was a poor choice.",-0.4767,negative,apprehensive 1601,depressed,Bad habit of driving when depressed?,listener_4,6,Dude you hit it on the head for me and why I drive so much. If I had my own place again I’d be home all the time but I’m back to living with my parents and I’m constantly feeling like I’m using my driving as a form of running away from the lack of my own control over my home life. Fuck. ,-0.5719,negative,lonely 1602,depressed,Progress i hope,speaker,1,"I've started a self hwlp plan where everyday i write about the previous day and my feelings on what has happened, but im struggling to identify how i am feeling all i can say for certain is that im not happy. Defiently not happy, how could i be when my girlfriend shagged my best mate...",-0.3599,negative,sad 1602,depressed,Progress i hope,listener_1,2,"Shag her best mate? Sorry for her infidelity. I personally don’t think humans are wired to be monogamous, but we force ourselves to be. We don’t stop being curious or attracted to others, just because we are in a committed relationship. Humans are naturally (usually) loving. Wanting to spend your whole life with another person doesn’t shut down the parts of ourselves that makes us want to experience other people. It’s too bad we didn’t develop society to be polyamorous. Just remember, it isn’t anything you did, or didn’t do, this is all on her and the guy. If you still want to give it a go with her, sit down and have a discussion about expectations and honesty. Get on the same page and work it out. If you think that you won’t get past it, you probably won’t, and should take steps to move past it. Talk to someone impartial. Good luck",0.9738,positive,lonely 1602,depressed,Progress i hope,listener_2,3,I agree with your statement but hopefully that opening statement was a joke. He doesn't want to stoop to his or her level. I'd hope.,0.8914,positive,consoling 1602,depressed,Progress i hope,speaker,4,"I have spoken to the people who know the situatuin and the guy involved, he was the one that told me because he regretted what had happened, and the people i've spoken to all say i should take the time to be single because i have a load of other issues i need to deal with before im ready to get back into relationships because i keep attracting the same type of girls who use and abuse me.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,trusting 1602,depressed,Progress i hope,listener_2,5,Ah makes sense ,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1603,depressed,Had to call into work cause I am too scared to do too much in one day.,speaker,1,Have my first therapy session today. Missed one out of two of my assignments for my first class. Ate pizza though i’m supposed to be dieting ..,-0.29600000000000004,negative,guilty 1603,depressed,Had to call into work cause I am too scared to do too much in one day.,listener_1,2,By not doing anything you’re letting the sadness win ,0.2263,positive,sad 1603,depressed,Had to call into work cause I am too scared to do too much in one day.,listener_2,3,odd response. OP is going to therapy so they are already doing something. You can't succeed in every aspect all at once. ,-0.6031,negative,neutral 1604,depressed,All motivation is lost,speaker,1,Idek man not that anyone is gunna see this or care. But I just feel so damn low atm. Was doin so good and managed to get back in track w my life but now everything has gone back to shit and my Ma’s getting fined because of me not going to school and I have NO motivation to do anything anymore. I’m not gunna end it but I just need some price of mine on what to do. I’m just sleeping all the time avoiding anything to increase my happiness at all costs and I know it’s me self sabotaging myself but what can I do?,-0.6593,negative,disappointed 1604,depressed,All motivation is lost,listener_1,2,Have a psychiatrist write a letter to the school on your behalf to explain the reason for the excess absences. See if you can do some homeschooling instead or if she would be open to you dropping out and working on your GED at your own pace. Find a job so that you can pay her back as well as earn some to help get you motivated to at least establish yourself on your own. Sit down and really think about what changes that you can make in your life that will make you happier than you are now.,0.8689,positive,suggesting 1604,depressed,All motivation is lost,listener_2,3,I agree with this! Talk to your mom and tell her everything you feel. Tell anyone else you trust too. The first step is to get help because you don’t have to face this alone. At moments like these you gotta push yourself harder than before. You’ll get there. ,0.8419,positive,agreeing 1605,depressed,Is my depression getting worse?,speaker,1,"I’m currently a college student in Nursing school and have been dealing with my depression, anxiety, (and possibly more?) the past few years and it only seems to be becoming worse. I cry so much when I’m alone, feel empty, space out, and sleep all around too much when I go through my “phases”. I used to drive around when I cried to feel better with music playing and would park at a park but now I don’t even have motivation for that. Journaling doesn’t work for me and I have tried talk therapy for like 6 months at my university’s counseling center and didn’t feel comfortable talking so much. My depression seems to be destroying some of my relationships and I’m worried about what it’ll do to my schoolwork. I feel like a burden to my parents and everyone else I can supposedly talk to about it. My last boyfriend felt even bothered and told me that instead of going to him to ever talk to I should see someone professional. My depression always kicks in when I go back to college or when I go back home, all change of environments. I start seeing everyone as being against me, hating me, and start getting sad about my last breakup even though it ended about half a year ago. I’m also noticing that right before it hits me, I feel absolutely happy and have this high on life. Is this even normal?",-0.9704,negative,lonely 1605,depressed,Is my depression getting worse?,listener_1,2,"Have you pursued medication as well? You still should stick with talk therapy, but at this point, if you haven't tried medication, it seems like the next step you need to head. ",0.5859,positive,questioning 1605,depressed,Is my depression getting worse?,speaker,3,Thank you for the advice. I’ve considered the idea already but I’m not sure how to even go about doing that. All I’ve had is therapy with my school counselor who can’t write up prescriptions. Would seeing a therapist be all or do I have to go through some type of testing first? I’m slightly new to all of this. I did not start getting help for my condition(s) until this past August. All help is appreciated.,0.6619,positive,apprehensive 1605,depressed,Is my depression getting worse?,listener_1,4,"There is no testing. The therapist can either refer you to see a psychiatrist or you can just make an appointment yourself. I'm assuming your campus should have one. You tell the psychiatrist about how you have been feeling and how long. They will ask you questions as well. Most likely, from what you have written, they will agree you have depression and start you on a medication. Some things to keep in mind. First. Antidepressants are not happy pills. They don't actually cure depression. What they do is bring you to a state where you are able to actually start working on coping, life changes, talk therapy, dealing with your emotions, etc. That's why keeping up therapy is important. Think of depression as being in a hole. Right now you have no tools to get you out. Anti-depressants are a ladder that get you almost to the top but not quite. But from there it is possible for you to actually be able to come up with a plan to try to climb the rest of the way out of the hole on your own. Second. Unfortunately antidepressants are trial and error. We don't spit out a receipt that says which medication will work for you, at what dose, possibly in combination with what other antidepressant, and with the fewest side effects. So the psych will pick a med and start you on a low dose and slowly increase it. It takes about six weeks to notice if it is actually making a difference in how you feel. But pay attention to any side effects. A good way to do this is to keep a journal tracking each day how you feel emotionally (maybe rate it with a number) and make notes about anything else- like you were more tired, you are having stomach issues, etc. Third. DO NOT feel ashamed for being on antidepressants. Depression is an illness. It's no different than taking insulin for diabetes. You can't will your way better. And like diabetes, there are things you can do to help yourself improve, you still need medication while diagnosed. You've taken the first, most important steps in acknowledging you need help and then made appointments. It's hard but just keep on pushing. It will all be worth it when you wake up one morning and smile again at the sun shining. ",0.882,positive,trusting 1606,depressed,No wonder people kill themselves in engineering,speaker,1,Feeling drained. Totally and utterly drained. Ive had depression since as long as i can remember but ive always been super smart and throw on a good poker face so everyone sees me as this happy guy with no real problems. Theres only a few people that know what lies beneath. What do you people do to pick yourself up when your down? Is there anyone i can talk to? ,0.9285,positive,lonely 1606,depressed,No wonder people kill themselves in engineering,listener_1,2,"Therapy helps. What helps me is just talking in general about how I feel even if there doesn't really feel like there's a solution. It helps a lot. I'm sorry you're going through this. Engineering is a very difficult and draining major but please remember aside from all the studying to have some fun with your life. Go out with friends, take walks. Don't tell yourself there's no time, because you deserve peace of mind. If you ever want to talk you can message me, I'll respond.",0.9566,positive,content 1606,depressed,No wonder people kill themselves in engineering,speaker,3,"Can i ask what you decided to pursue instead? Im in materials science engineering. I hate math and chem but i like engineering a lot, so im kinda torn on what to do.",-0.1421,negative,questioning 1606,depressed,No wonder people kill themselves in engineering,listener_2,4,"I completely did a 180 in my career choice. Went from mechanical engineering to studio arts with a focus in ceramics. I love engineering, but I think it was mainly being able to create something with your hands that i loved. Definitely wouldn’t recommend the whole 180 thing, that was insanely difficult & anxiety filled. However, im so glad i stopped trying to fit into a field where i didnt belong. ",0.9633,positive,proud 1607,depressed,I have nobody,speaker,1,"My college trip for all the freshmen is in about two months, which is fine, except it’s one of those overnight trips in a hotel. I’m close to absolutely nobody in my grade, which means I’m gonna have to spend the night with someone I barely know and probably hates me. I try to get close to people, but I already know I’ll eventually get replaced.",-0.1406,negative,lonely 1607,depressed,I have nobody,listener_1,2,But you are going. That takes a lot of courage and as difficult as it may be I commend you. I am sorry you feel like you will eventually get replaced. ,0.8271,positive,neutral 1607,depressed,I have nobody,speaker,3,Various places like UCLA and Pepperdine ,0.3612,positive,apprehensive 1608,depressed,what's wrong with me,speaker,1,"I don't know if I'm just at a low point or if I'm some sort of depressed. I don't like to use that word but I might have to. I only eat once a day and it's only bc my family forces me to eat dinner, my lunch gets thrown away at school and breakfast I just don't think about anymore. I've cried everyday this week and burnt myself with a lighter about a month ago. My friends are all gossiping cunts who I hate, especially my best friend. I hate her with such a passion holy fuck. My family is so judgey and secretly doesn't give a shit about me. I masturbate every fucking day and it makes me feel worse afterwards. Im closeted as pan and I know only a few close friends would except me. My little brother is a little shit who I hate to say I'm jealous of. I'm so overwhelmed in school work and what I'm going to do with my future. I've thought about death a lot. I haven't considered killing myself but if I found myself in front of a car speeding toward me I don't think I'd try to run out of the way. If I were to be in a crashing plane I wouldn't bother to put on my seat belt or wear the oxygen mask thingy. I just want to die, I don't want to die at the same time. I'm just so fucking sad all the time. I'm running out of tolerance. ",-0.9758,negative,sad 1608,depressed,what's wrong with me,listener_1,2,"I promise it gets better. For me, it started with saying out loud what I was feeling and thinking. Eventually, you clear out the junk in your life and you’re left with space to fill with good people, and activities you care about. Life only exists right now in this moment, and it sounds like you just absolutely hate it. Have you tried distancing yourself from your best/worst friend? She sounds awful, for starters. ",0.9023,positive,trusting 1608,depressed,what's wrong with me,speaker,3,I do spend less time with her than I did last year which is good I guess but the difference it's before she was the most amazing person I knew and then it's was like once day she just changed. I hate letting her get to me but it's more of her shitty acts prying my fingers off a ledge my family put me on ,-0.1296,negative,annoyed 1608,depressed,what's wrong with me,listener_1,4,Sounds like it might be time to break up with her! Have you talked to her about how it makes you feel when she does the things she does? ,0.4199,positive,questioning 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,speaker,1,Its not that i feel like id be bettering everyone if i killed myself. It doesnt feel like that. Its more of a. Im so fucking bored and there is nothing i want here. There is nothing i want to be. There is nothing I’d live for. Hell i dont even think i want my family who are probably the only people I should be wanting. And im too much of a pussy to give myself the better and end it all. I dont want to go to school. I dont want to get a job. I dont want to have kids. I just want a cat. And live till im 26. And if i could choose to die id rather die. I hate living on this earth its so damn fuckin ugly and i dont wanna be here. Most 16 year olds when they get depressed theyre sad. And they feel like no one cares. I know people care. I know people love me. I know im worth it. But i dont want to be. I wish people Would go save their energy on something better to love and care about cause i want absolutely nothing this ugly ass earth has to offer. I wish i want too much of a pussy to end it. I would’ve done it long ago. ,0.9746,positive,ashamed 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,listener_1,2,"Anhedonia is a curse IMO. I am nearing 50 and never really saw much of a future other than existence as a base human, satisfying bodily needs or otherwise living in my internal fantasyworld.",-0.128,negative,lonely 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,speaker,3,Man im only 16 i feel like i have absolutely 0 rights to feel like this there is so much for me to should want. But i just have too much i guess. ,0.3919,positive,jealous 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,speaker,4,My life already ended the moment i sought out for nothing. Your life started already i dont care where or who you are weather you know or like it at all it has begun long ago. ,-0.033,neutral,angry 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,speaker,5,This was so hard to read it was so contradicting I was like reading Dan Brown. Im sorry man hang in there. you should read a book its called “The Giver” maybe read two books the second one is called “Dune” by Frank Herbert. ,-0.3934,negative,sympathizing 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,speaker,6,"Leave your college, leave “your” people. Hell even move countries or something man. If your not in that financial realm. Make money then move countries. Resilience to toxicity is a beautiful thing which i will forever look up to and aspire to acquire. ",-0.2732,negative,impressed 1609,depressed,Its not even that normal kind of depression,listener_2,7,"I can't just drop everything and leave. Everything is here, I'm only 17, I have no grounds to do such a thing.",-0.1496,negative,angry 1610,depressed,"Bored, but no motivation to do anything = frustration/anger? wtf is this?",speaker,1,"Im 29. All things considered i really have my shit together. Wife, 5 month old baby, fairly high paying job, house. I work from home and i feel like im going fucking insane. All day every day all i do is reddit/netflix on the side of my normal work stuff, assuming im not on a conference call or something. A babysitter (wife's grandma) watches the baby during the day while I work, otherwise it is too difficult for me to take calls and get stuff done if im also watching the baby. Shes at that age where you really need to be there interacting with her. My wife gets home around 5pm and then usually i'll make dinner or something and we'll watch TV (even more tv for me) and then she'll turn in around 10 or 11pm. My day doesnt start till 9am so I try to stay awake till 1 or 2am. If i get too much sleep im not able to fall asleep properly. I'm easily disturbed while sleeping too so i just sleep on the couch. Baby wakes up once in the middle of the night, wife takes care of her. When the weekend rolls around my wife just wants to sit around watching TV. Going anywhere with a child is a huge stress/hassle. We never went out much to begin with but now ive got to REALLY be at the end of my rope before i'll consider it. So I get into this weird state where i'll get ""terminally bored"". I'll get more and more bored and more and more frustrated at how bored i am. But i dont want to reddit or netflix because thats what ive been doing all week anyways. I cook as a hobby but it gets very fucking tedious putting all this work into food that my wife can only describe as ""its good"". Especially when all she cooks is bullshit boxed/canned foods. She has 0 motivation or drive to better anything about herself. she's perfectly content to netflix/facebook or read a book all day every day, non stop. I work out (Stronglifts 5x5) 3 times a week or so. Or at least i've been trying to, sometimes shit just gets ahead of me and i only manage twice in a week. I dont know what to do. I cant just fucking sit around on my ass like this every single day. A couple times a year i'll be lucky enough that a really good single player long-winded video game gets released and i'll binge that pretty much every night for like 3-4 weeks straight, multiple hours per night. i dunno. This is a 3 day weekend for me. I spent 2 hours yesterday snowblowing my shit. then I went to my dads house and was there for almost 4 hours trying to get his snowblower working, getting gas for it because he didnt bother, trying to call someone to fix his snowblower, and trying to set up someone to do his snowblowing overnight since i wasnt gonna waste any more of my time dealing with the mess he left me before he went on his trip. Real shitty of him to do, but its whatever. Saturday wasted. Today my only friend cancelled on us because he had errands and shit to run. so i got a workout in around 1 and since basically 2PM (it is 8 now) and all the way until 2AM i have nothing to do but reddit/netflix. exactly the same asa every other day. im going to go insane. i feel like a prisoner in my life or something. I have no motivation to find new things to do, and im ridiculously bored. i feel like a machine. i feel like my wife is a machine. all she does is feed the baby occasionally and stare at her phone. all i do is make enough money so that she can continue feeding the baby and staring at her phone. i wish i'd get killed in a car accident or some shit. at least then my life insurance can pay off al the debts and set my wife and kid up for the rest of their lives to do whatever they want, and i can be free of this bullshit.",-0.9891,negative,content 1611,depressed,Don’t know what to do,speaker,1,"First time posting on reddit, I’m at a point in my life where I don’t know if I want to live anymore. I have no hope for my future. I have dreams and stuff I want to do but I have zero motivation to do so. One thing that stops me from trying is my self esteem. I have no confidence in myself. I’ve always hated myself deeply. Especially my looks and height. I feel like I’m inferior to everyone around me and I’m constantly comparing myself to others. I feel like im going fucking insane and I’m to pussy to do anything about it. I’ve always felt this way, but this month has to have been the worst. My mind is constantly running wild but i have no way to express myself. It’s hard to write out or talk about what’s going on in my head. Does anyone have any recommendations on what i can do to be at peace with myself? ",-0.9331,negative,ashamed 1611,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_1,2,Do you think you are objective about your attributes?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1611,depressed,Don’t know what to do,speaker,3,What do you mean?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1611,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_1,4,Attributes related to your self-esteem?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1612,depressed,IDK anymore dude,speaker,1,"This is gonna be long so read if you want these past 9 months have been a rollercoaster , in May of 2018 i met a girl who would change my life , i got so close to her and she was such a big part of my life , as months went on i realized i loved her and the feeling was mutual , i was the happiest I’ve ever been my entire life - I’ve never had a gf before her and she was utterly amazing and i fell hard for her and i honestly felt like she was my soulmate, all my life i had been kind of going through it but when i met her it’s like i found the one thing i was missing and i always thought of my self as a happy dude but when i met her i realized id never been truly as happy - ive always been self conscious with my body and just me as a person but because of her i wasn’t even focused on that , i was focused on my future and i gained dreams and had goals - all of which id never had before - she made me realize things i wanted to do in my life and she was my best friend when the summer ended we thought it was only right to break things off as dating goes so we could both have experiences as i was entering freshmen year at college and she is in high school , it was hard for me to see her as anything else then the person i loved (to see her just as a friend and not as more) , eventually through me being stupid our whole relationship failed and i tried to fix it and make it work but she wasn’t having it and i don’t blame her , while our relationship was failing i was seriously stressed out from school - it all was just overwhelming and i rebated transferring to community college (still at the school second semester but might transfer next year idk yet) so i could be back home for a couple years then try again , i was spiraling - my grades weren’t good (all through high school i was an A student - my 4 year average was a 93 or A-), i passed all my classes but with like two Ds two Cs and one B , i was constantly thinking about the girl and transferring to community college and like a million other things every night and it wasn’t healthy , i just became numb to everything - i have friends at college and i have fun with them but at the back of my mind was always just these thoughts and this deep sadness and numbness , the first semester ends and i said I’ll give it another try and now im back Second semester started like a week ago and its a lot , my classes are daunting and im still overwhelmed by my own thoughts and im just not happy , im never happy anymore - not since the start of school year /end of summer , my emotions are just so numb , I’ve always been an emotional guy and i haven’t cried once even though ive felt extremely sad at times , im still sad a lot of the times even though i do laugh and have fun with friends at college im just still sad inside , there just doesn’t seem like a point to my life anymore , i came home this weekend because it was a long weekend and i was like at least I’ll feel better going home and i don’t feel any better at home , im still numb - i thought the numbness I have in college would go away once i come home but it just doesn’t and i feel broken and sad still Im not trying to say im depressed because idk if i am but i just feel like im not in the best place right now and i don’t want to be like this forever , I can’t do it , im not gonna make it like this - i thought i might tell my mom that i think i might be depressed but i don’t want to up play this whole situation , my dads a psychologist but i really don’t want to tell him , idk why but im just nervous too - i really don’t know what i should do about this , about anything really , if you read this all thank you - i really appreciate it TLDR: I’ve been numb and sad since the start of the school year , idk what to do anymore ",0.9828,positive,joyful 1612,depressed,IDK anymore dude,listener_1,2,I feel you bro. Im in the same spot. My ex just broke off a 4 year relationship last summer and i was not ready for it in any way. ,-0.6007,negative,agreeing 1612,depressed,IDK anymore dude,speaker,3,"sorry bro , hopefully things are better now !",0.68,positive,consoling 1612,depressed,IDK anymore dude,listener_2,4,Funny seeing you here,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1612,depressed,IDK anymore dude,speaker,5,im sorry to hear that - you deserve better ! i would love to see some memes and silly pictures ,0.8016,positive,sympathizing 1613,depressed,Lmao im at this point again.,speaker,1,"Let's be honest people fucking suck... I hate trying to communicate with people and trying to bond. When I was pretty young I had this feeling. It's was apparently due to my depression and social anxiety. But honestly I've been at the point of nothingness countless times. I had to make this stupid fucking throw-away because people that care about me for whatever fucking reason follow my main account. I've never really vented this feeling. I'm to scared to talk to a psych because to be honest I'm a just a dark piece of shit that loves to talk down about myself for jokes and humor. I dropped out of middle School because I wanted put my mind in a state of, either kill the bully bitch or myself. I told my mother to pull me out of school. So I'm a middle school drop out. Hey! I'm probably the fucking first. It's fuck pathetic. And to be honest I regret it so much. I'd go back and just take the bullying like a normal human being cause the person I am now is just straight pathetic. I get emotional over the most stupid thing cause I did have a social life really early on. I just sit on Xbox all day and play game thinking one day I'll be a professional one day and actually achieve my dream and compete. LMAO nice joke. I'll never make it that far. And what makes you think I could handle the hate I get with that kind of Fame. If I even achieve it. I just want to not exist. But after coming so close to death twice I am to much of bitch to put myself in that situation again. So honestly you don't have to do anything extreme and look for me. I'm a bitch so it won't happen. I just love the pain that comes with just feeling like I'm nothing. Life fucking sucks.",-0.9726,negative,lonely 1613,depressed,Lmao im at this point again.,listener_1,2,why don't you go back to school?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1613,depressed,Lmao im at this point again.,speaker,3,This helps. Alot thank you.,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 1614,depressed,Just me needing to vent about everything I am feeling right now,speaker,1,"I've given up. Those three words haunt my head tonight. I've given up on school. I've given up pn life. Worst of all, I've given up on myself. I thought I was doing better. I thought I was actually starting to see the light. Oh how I was wrong. It is 4 in the morning, and I am laying in bed wide awake think about how my life would have turned out if I didn't have these problems. The saddest thing about all this, for some reason I'm am still pretending to be ok. I am crying while writing this but have no emotion at the same time. I am still trying to convince myself that I am ok. That I have not hit rock bottom. That's all. ",-0.7594,negative,sad 1614,depressed,Just me needing to vent about everything I am feeling right now,listener_1,2,"Hey! drop me a line if you wanna chat, I'll even listen to you vent! I struggle myself. Pen pals always help. Also, I love getting messages on my phone, its an immediate boost knowing SOMEONE cares.",0.8684,positive,joyful 1614,depressed,Just me needing to vent about everything I am feeling right now,speaker,3,Thank you :) ,0.6705,positive,wishing 1615,depressed,I think I've had a mental break,speaker,1,"Sitting here after a flat viewing that is perfect but flaws I'd rather not share. Horrible, interfering thoughts after using scales (fatty ex anorexic) full blown put prescription in bat shit crazy. I think I've burst my bag of marbles",-0.6378,negative,ashamed 1615,depressed,I think I've had a mental break,listener_1,2,When was the last time you slept? are you having thoughts that feel like everyone else should just know how it is and you shouldn't have to explain yourself?,0.4329,positive,questioning 1615,depressed,I think I've had a mental break,speaker,3,"I've been sleeping nightly but I feel physically drained. Yeah I guess so, sounds selfish but my patience with people is low, everyone makes me irrationally angry. ",-0.9442,negative,angry 1615,depressed,I think I've had a mental break,listener_1,4,"an object in motion stays in motion, maybe start going for a walk every evening. Yeah I'm with you, I've worked in customer service for 8 years and people talk to me like a dog. I've gotten very cynical with time but I try to keep in mind there are good people out there, just assholes sprinkled in.",-0.2374,negative,suggesting 1616,depressed,Life is pain,speaker,1,"I don't even know what to do anymore. Somedays I'm happy, some days I'm sad, and some days I don't even know how I feel. My life has fallen apart the last year. This shit sucks.",-0.8248,negative,sad 1616,depressed,Life is pain,listener_1,2,"Beyond the four walls of your bedroom lies millions and millions of others who go through what we're going through, who either conceal it or unknowingly exhibit/knowingly exhibit it. Depression is not a joke, but neither is it rare... my advice would be to control it by means of finding online communities with people who go through it too-- per say, other sites like reddit, to find common-grounds. As someone who has depression, it really really helps out to see that others go through this shit too. At least we have a term and definition for it... and at least it isn't some obscurely rare, never-before-seen thing that manifests violently... but it can if left untreated. So find some people man. ",-0.9362,negative,agreeing 1616,depressed,Life is pain,speaker,3,Not easy. It's a daily struggle.,-0.5727,negative,sad 1616,depressed,Life is pain,listener_2,4,"That it is. One day at a time. Don’t even think about tomorrow. Just get through today. The good thing about life is we never have to do today over again. No matter how bad it is, tomorrow will come. My motivation goes right out the window when I have bad days. It’s a struggle just to shower at times let alone be productive. I try to do at least one thing around the house so I don’t feel useless. Just know if things get too dark, I’m a message away. ",-0.8349,negative,disappointed 1616,depressed,Life is pain,speaker,5,Appreciate it,0.4019,positive,grateful 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,speaker,1,"I'm really struggling at the moment and feel like I haven't fully became ""better"" again since I overdosed in November. I'm so tired all the time, avoiding social activities, avoiding my friends and constantly thinking about cutting or overdosing again. Being at work is making things harder for me because I just don't feel fully there at all. I don't know if I should go back on the sick again but I can't afford it and I know my parents won't be happy. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so fucking lost.",-0.9328,negative,apprehensive 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,listener_1,2,"It does sound like you're not very well, at the moment. I feel you need to see your doctor and tell them how you're feeling, you need outside help. Whilst your parents may not be happy with you going sick, I'm sure its preferable to the other outcomes you describe. ",-0.0846,negative,acknowledging 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,speaker,3,Everything?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,speaker,4,I was already on meds and they have just increased the dosage. The thing is I keep forgetting to take them.,0.2732,positive,guilty 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,listener_2,5,"You absolutely cannot forget. They need to build to a treatment level in your body and then stay consistently at that level to keep treating you. So when you forget to take the meds, the next time you take them, they are only building back up in your body to the level necessary to have an effect rather than actually treating symptoms. I'll make it a metaphor to explain bettter. Say you have a bucket of water that when completely filled, makes a carousel filled with happy ducklings run. The bucket loses a cup of water each day but can also be replaced with a cup of water each day. So as long as you remember to fill that cup of water each day, you have happy ducks. But if you forget to fill it for two days, it will be down two cups of water. So that cup you fill that day won't be enough to get the water to the top and make the carousel run. So you have sad ducks. So same with antidepressants. They don't work like pain meds where you can take them only when you need them and see an effect. They have to build up on your system and stay built up to work. Also, it's impossible for your doctor to know if this is the correct med, and the correct dosage, and if you possibly need to add another med in conjunction if you are unable to say whether or not they are actually working when taking them properly. So figure out a way to remember. Out them next to your bed on top of your phone so they are the first thing you are when you get up. Put them next to your toothbrush. Whatever works. Because you are keeping yourself from getting better by simply not swallowing a pill daily. Also, if you are not already, you should be seeing a therapist regularly as well. Unfortunately depression doesn't just go away on its own like a cold without actually putting in the effort to fight it or make changes. I know it sucks. I certainly empathize with you. I know it's not easy. I struggle often. But nothing gets better if you do nothing at all. So for yourself and your ability to live a decent life, remember to take your medication daily and make an appointment with a therapist. Start there. And slowly you will start moving forward. ",0.0664,positive,terrified 1617,depressed,Really struggling.,speaker,6,Thank you I appreciate your help. My memory is crap right now and even having my meds next to me when I was up isn't enough. I know I must try harder. I have weekly appointments with a therapist but the therapy were doing at the moment doesn't seem like it helps. I'm going to make it my goal to try harder. I'm sick of feeling like this but it seems like nothing works. I've been doing different meds for 4 years now and different therapies for at least 3 years.,0.7339,positive,disappointed 1618,depressed,I'm the burden no one wants... understandable,speaker,1,"I'm okay. But underneath that... I'm fed up. I'm wary. &#x200B; I've had 2 near death experiences, hoping I make it to 30 without another one. (None of these were self inflicted or anything they were health issues). I'm definitely not having children, because if my genes suck this bad well why would I do this to someone else. &#x200B; I'm living at home because despite getting an education I've had jobs that don't pay well... I left my contract role in May. Spent 2 months in bed depressed. Then started to get back into the swing of things.... job apps, interviews, gym, concerts. Things were going okay until Dec when I got depressed again.... lost out on a job I wanted, stopped working out, xmas bums me out. Then Jan I'm ready to get back to it and then I end up in the hospital for some random health crap that idk why it happened and neither do doctors still waiting on test results.... anyway that left me... scared. &#x200B; I know it really shook my family up, esp my mom, sucks being her almost as bad as it sucks being me... or maybe more so? I mean she didn't ask for a sick child. Sometimes she more or less says that it's a burden (never to my face just loud enough that I happen to hear it since her voice is never quiet to begin with). It hurt my feelings when I was a teenage but, it's been a few years since then, I get it. I'm an adult now so I don't ask for things that I can handle myself. But she is my emergency contact since I don't have a lot of ppl in my life and tbh I'd rather be a burden to my mother then to someone else who'll resent me or something. &#x200B; I really hope I get a job soon because I can't keep this crap up anymore. I need somewhere to go. And I need money so I can at least convince myself I care about things. And I don't want to live at home anymore it's been almost 2 years... I should have had a good job by now...and they're overbearing.... they were before and that was annoying but now they have reason to be... which is irritating. &#x200B; You know the first time I felt happy was when I finished graduate school and moved to California. It was amazing, I didn't realized I was unhappy all this time until then. And now I just... don't believe I'll ever feel that again. Maybe I wasn't meant to. But then, with the way my health attacks me I may not live long enough for it to matter huh and still all I want is a job clearly my aspirations are uninspiring. &#x200B; There's nothing the least bit noteworthy about my life thus far that's probably the lamest part because I never once thought I was unremarkable until this current stage in life appeared... ",-0.9946,negative,apprehensive 1618,depressed,I'm the burden no one wants... understandable,listener_1,2,"Is there anywhere you could volunteer at, whilst you look for a job? It would give you a reason to get up and leave the house, as well as getting you mixing with people. I wish you the best and hope your luck takes an up turn soon. ",0.9287,positive,wishing 1618,depressed,I'm the burden no one wants... understandable,speaker,3,I was actually looking into that a few weeks before everything went sideways,0.0,neutral,neutral 1619,depressed,I fucked up,speaker,1,"Don't really know where to post this so just gonna have a rant. I'm so mad at myself. I took a load of Xanax at my friends, went for a drive in the middle of the night, fucked my car up a bit. Then the day after my friends parents asked me to leave because I was really messed up. Stupidly I fucking drove., again The right front wheel had completely come off, so I'm like fuck this I'm gonna pull over and the police arrested me. When I was at the police station apparently I was too out of it for interview. I had sobered up a bit and surprisingly did alright at the coordination tests lol. I'm mad at myself for driving in this state and my ""friend"" for not stopping me driving. I tried calling him today to try and recall what had happened and I don't think he can even be arsed to talk to me. He's a fake fucker anyways, fucking vain douche. Literally just want to punch him. Anyways...I could of hurt myself or somebody else. I just passed my test and I'm going to have a massive fine and be banned for at least 12 months. I only driven because it seemed like a good idea at the time. I blacked out completely and I wouldn't of even thought about driving under the influence of anything. At the same time, as shit as it is, I'm not surprised at all. Bad shit just happens to me. I'm in debt and behind on paying car insurance. Also out of a job and I've handed my CV fucking everywhere and no luck. That aside my love life is non existent. My parents probably think I'm a failure, I don't really have any hobbies or anything. &#x200B; Posted this in this subrddit as it's just another thing on top of another. Hopefully the blood test is delayed so I can enjoy driving a bit more., or they lose the blood sample lol. My dad is amazing, he bailed me out and is fixing my car for me, at least £400 worth of damage, even if he is the most annoying person I know. Driving was probably the one thing I've been looking forward to more than anything and I fucked up catastrophically.",-0.9884,negative,angry 1619,depressed,I fucked up,listener_1,2,Sometimes it takes something like this to happen to wake you up that this is not what you want to be doing with your life.,0.3134,positive,sad 1620,depressed,Ever just..,speaker,1,Text a friend and they never notice how sad u r even tho u point out things or say kms. I wanna cry i hate feeling this way I’m only more depressed cuz my birthday is tomorrow on the 25th and i just don’t wanna celebrate since me and some friends fought over something dumb. It doesn’t feel fun i always love celebrating with friends but this year i got none and i wanna just sleep,0.7336,positive,sad 1620,depressed,Ever just..,listener_1,2,Happy birthday ,0.5719,positive,wishing 1620,depressed,Ever just..,speaker,3,Thanks😭😭💕,0.25,positive,wishing 1620,depressed,Ever just..,speaker,4,Thx for the happy birthday 😭💕💕,0.9136,positive,wishing 1620,depressed,Ever just..,speaker,5,Thx for the comment! And yes ill go do something like eat out :),0.8016,positive,acknowledging 1620,depressed,Ever just..,listener_2,6,"I do like going to dinner alone where the place is busy, and you can purposely ignore, and watch, everyone. Movies are also a great single person activity. Your own popcorn, candy, and soda, no sharing, and no one interrupting with whispered comments. Breweries are also fun alone, just strike up conversations with whoever else is at the bar about random topics. ",0.3085,positive,lonely 1620,depressed,Hey,listener_3,1,"Im a 14 year old boy, and for the last month or so I have been feeling like complete and utter shit, I have been getting more stressed and emotinal then I have ever been and I hate it. I have been crying in the shower at least once a week ( Wich i never used to do before) This is the saddest i have felt in my life Is this just a teenager thing, or should i seek help ? ",-0.9133,negative,sad 1621,depressed,I need a place to keep how I’m feeling because I’m sure as hell not going to tell the person who’s asking me right now.,speaker,1,"I feel like every day a large piece of me rots away and that empty space is being filled up with sadness and self-doubt and I'm becoming just a sac of depressed blue putty. I feel like I’m drowning from the second I wake up to the second I manage to force myself to go to sleep. I’m drowning but I’m not crying out for help because I knew how to swim before, but sometime last year I forgot. I had forgotten how to swim a few years ago, but after a few months I had remembered. It’s been over six months now and I don’t have a clue. I don’t want to call for help, because what if I do and then suddenly remember right after I’ve caused a panic? I couldn’t handle the embarrassment. I want to die but I could never kill myself while sober. I want to get wasted but doing that would require me to reach out and cause people to go out of their way for me and I’m not up for that. I’ve only told a few people about my suicidal tendencies. The first time I almost went through with it I accidentally let it slip out to a small group of people I was with at the time, but I don’t regret that as much because I knew that I would never have to confront them ever again after that. The last person I told I regret, though. I have to see them every day. We were friends but now I don’t want to talk to them anymore. I hated that conversation and it’s tarnished our friendship in my eyes. I ruined it but I don’t even care. I just want to get away. I haven’t wanted to kill myself as much in the last few days, but life has been miserable. I have so much pressure to do well and I just can’t. I’m going to fail my classes. I’m fading away socially, academically, mentally, and physically. I have so many things wrong with me but so many of those things are average faults that when complaining about them I just sound typical and difficult. People and things don’t inspire me like they used to. I just want to stop it all. Maybe not end it, but stop it. I say to myself that my friends are terrible for not texting me, but I’m at just as much fault for not texting them. I’m the terrible friend. I abandon them without even giving an explanation. I ignore them. I say things that are wrong. I do things that confuse and annoy them. I vanish and the reappear and then vanish again. I expect them to notice that there’s something terribly wrong but I’ve given them no reason to actually care if they do notice. I’m unfriendly and unapproachable most of the time. I’m the terrible friend. I’m a terrible citizen. A fucking joke. I want to go get a performance degree in a dying art. I’m a girl too, and we all know that the amount of women in art, especially on a stage or screen, is incredibly saturated. What a narcissistic, cunty thing to do. I don’t care if I’m homeless or never pay off debts or never get a stable job. I don’t expect it of myself. I don’t care, nor would I even deserve a decent standard of living. I’ll probably die before I turn thirty anyway. I’ll probably die before I turn thirty anyway.",-0.9979,negative,terrified 1621,depressed,I need a place to keep how I’m feeling because I’m sure as hell not going to tell the person who’s asking me right now.,listener_1,2,"I don’t have much to say, just resonated with your words because I’m not in a far off place. I hear you. 🙏🏽😞",-0.4767,negative,sentimental 1621,depressed,I need a place to keep how I’m feeling because I’m sure as hell not going to tell the person who’s asking me right now.,listener_2,3,Right here with y'all. Feel free to pm me if you just want to talk I'm up for it anytime,0.5574,positive,content 1622,depressed,I’m not normal? I’m not supposed to be this way? I’m insane???,speaker,1,"Since I was 8 I stared cutting because I wanted to be cool and thought depression was “amazing” In 5th grade my teacher used to make me want to actually kill myself to get away from her verbally bullying me. I skipped school,pretended to be sick,kept cutting because of her. She held me back because I couldn’t understand any of the information she taught because of how much I skipped school. I got in her class again and she began to make me so depressed I was on the edge of swallowing pills. A friend moved in. I didn’t know her but she moved in because of family problems. She was severely depressed and very shy living with us. (Currently my bestest friend) she taught me how to open up to her she broke down my walls that I built after my sister physically and mentally abused me. Still in 5th grade my sister began to stop bullying me. She used drugs and drank acohole at age 14. I started vaping from her. I did it at first to fit in with her friends looking cool cursing and shop lifting snacks. I was FINALY getting along with her. That’s all I wanted. My dad moved to New York to work for a house while my mom stayed with us. And my best friend moved in with her aunt. I cried. We still visited each other We had to move out of an apartment because of rent and moved in with my moms sister. I moved schools and made friends. I put a happy face on and made a ton of friends. I was still depressed. I’m in 6th grade and now everything is shit I know most people think what can a 12 year old be going through? A lot. My best friends aunt won’t let me see her cause I’m a “bad influence” and my depression has gotten to the point where there isn’t one day I don’t think about killing myself. I started having symptoms of anxiety and anxeity attacks and symptoms of bipolar disorder I also have episodes of depersonalization and derealization disorder. This has impacted me. I have so many friends but my walls have built up so thick I rarely talk about my feelings I keep it all in. I can’t find any tools to cut and I feel like I’m suffocating in my own thoughts without anyone to talk to about it. I talk to my best friend but she has the same problems as me and I feel like a burden to her mental health I just want her to feel better. Back in 5th grade summer my sister got raped. She has been sexually abused many times but I could have prevented it if I just checked on her damn it. It’s all my fault. It’s my fault she has anxiety and depression and I feel so much guilt because I took away her dog best friend because he bit me almost taking my eye out while me and him played and my dad put him into a shelter I took away her only thing she had. I always want to die. I write my suicide notes planning to do it but not able to find anything to do it with. I fantasize about the day I’ll finaly be able to do it. I told my mom about everything. Everything. We’re to poor to get a psychiatrist but she wants me to get one. I want to die.",-0.9943,negative,ashamed 1622,depressed,I’m not normal? I’m not supposed to be this way? I’m insane???,listener_1,2,"Yes, you would benefit from meetings with a professional mental health worker. Also, if there is no strong, healthy adult in your life who is good at mentoring, then you would benefit from that relationship as well. Self-harm is not helpful, and you should not listen to anyone who says otherwise. One immediate practice is for you to own your emotions, no matter the source, and notice how your reactions to stress are triggered by certain feelings.",0.6842,positive,apprehensive 1622,depressed,I’m not normal? I’m not supposed to be this way? I’m insane???,speaker,3,I have my mom she is very nice but is always stressed cause of work. I just feel like I’m never able to vent because everyone has their own problems I don’t want to be a burden I just wanted to vent. Even if no one saw it. I will try to get a mental health expert to diagnose me professionally but I don’t know if my family can we are not very well off. Thank you though I try not to self harm as best as I can.,0.6274,positive,caring 1622,depressed,I’m not normal? I’m not supposed to be this way? I’m insane???,listener_1,4,School counselor or community social workers are helpful until a Pdoc is accessible.,0.4215,positive,agreeing 1622,depressed,I’m not normal? I’m not supposed to be this way? I’m insane???,speaker,5,No school counselor at my school but I’ll see about the social worker.,-0.1531,negative,trusting 1623,depressed,HELPP,speaker,1,"Im scared that my mums emotionally abusive and i just cannot tell because of all the abuse ive had in my life. I feel trapped under her grip constantly being controlled, im 18 and i cant even do shit that normal 18 year olds would be able to do. I have so many responsibilities that have just been thrown my way, that ive had for most of my life. Ive been doing washing up and chores since i was like 13 with my elder sister who was 15 and was allowed to stay out till 12am and id still be forced to help her but now im the only one doing this shit, last time i spoke to my mum about how unfair i thought it was shes made my younger brother do it every other day. But know if i want to stay at my girlfriends house she says that it aint fair on him. I am so confused cause i have had so many people tell me that it aint normal, but its all ive ever known...",-0.9712,negative,terrified 1623,depressed,HELPP,listener_1,2,Perhaps you might think about moving out and getting your own place? It could solve a lot of problems.,-0.2263,negative,suggesting 1623,depressed,HELPP,speaker,3,"that is one of my goals, to be able to move out but at the moment i am just trying to focus all on my college work. I'll have to get a job and start saving sometime soon tho.",0.0,neutral,neutral 1624,depressed,people only care about my school and my job,speaker,1,"No one cares about my art No cares about my interests No one cares about how I feel I've thought of saying depressed - but mostly that gets understood as 'sad' or 'frustrated' I keep saying I've moved on. from depression. from my interests. from my art. just to keep going. just to earn a smile. I'm lying that I'm alright. I use this account to keep venting because I know this path I'm on is one that I can't talk anyone of just letting me out of. A part of me used to think I had to give up my dreams to support my family. And part of me was convinced seeing other people struggling on the path I wanted to go on. We only get one life. I may not be physically dead, but I think a party of me always has been dying. ",-0.4691,negative,ashamed 1624,depressed,people only care about my school and my job,listener_1,2,i am going to give protip lie a little bit about your job and school stuff it only i am art grad life does not get easier. ,-0.3252,negative,neutral 1624,depressed,people only care about my school and my job,speaker,3,I tried. I tried really hard but I can't. I can't get to where I want to be or what I want to do.,0.1415,positive,disappointed 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,speaker,1,"Feeling Tired, Like we say here (Levensmoe) Tired of living. Nobody to talk on a day. Dont go to work and the only thing i want is sleep. ",-0.3612,negative,lonely 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,listener_1,2,What is levensmoe?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,listener_2,3,"Levens = life, Moe = tired",-0.4404,negative,sad 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,speaker,4,"Dutch for: tired of life, tired ro keep fighting agains mental,health problems ",-0.875,negative,sad 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,listener_1,5,Oh interesting. Is there another word for depression or is that the common word used? I hate how in English someone can say “I’m depressed” and it just means they are having a bad day. But sometimes “I’m depressed” means a heavy clinical depression.,-0.8793,negative,questioning 1625,depressed,Need a friend or some one to talk,listener_1,6,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 1626,depressed,"My friends kept helping me, but I'm still depressed everytime.",speaker,1,"I feel like I'm a fucking bad friend. I'm trying to keep myself be postive, but I guess my depression can overcome basically anything. At this point I think it's better they just left me as an outcast. ",-0.1549,negative,lonely 1626,depressed,"My friends kept helping me, but I'm still depressed everytime.",listener_1,2,"Yo man, youre body does that to you when your depressed. Try to eat healthy, not salads and shit, but try cooking at home, steak, fish. You might have an inflamed digestion and then the body thinks it got some illness like Fever/infection. That will give you the instinkt to get away from the pack so they dont get infected somehow.. Try it, it might help, might not. Who knows",0.6433,positive,consoling 1626,depressed,"My friends kept helping me, but I'm still depressed everytime.",speaker,3,Thanks. I'll do it tomorrow! ,0.4926,positive,wishing 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,1,A few minuets ago I cut again. I used to cut back in 4th grade because I thought it was cool and I wanted to be “depressed” but now all I think is depressing thoughts almost all day I get anxiety attacks and irritated mood swings and just now I got depressed out of no where and cut. I want to keep cutting but I’m stopping myself because I’m scared that I’m already addicted. ,-0.9829,negative,guilty 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_1,2,I am sorry to hear this. Do you have a therapist or any type of support?,0.34,positive,questioning 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,3,No my family can not afford a therapist and I have not told any family that I have cut yet only reddit and one friend because I was so afraid of myself. My family is trying to buy a house and I feel like a burden to tell her I’m cutting I just feel like a failure.,-0.4215,negative,ashamed 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_1,4,You need help. I don't know how old you are. Cutting may not get better by itself. Do you have bpd or depression?,-0.6002,negative,questioning 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_2,5,"Your health is your family's number one priority. They will not love you any less. They just want to see you well. If you are worried about being a burden, get help now before you become far worse. ",-0.753,negative,caring 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,6,It runs in my family to have severe depression but I have not gotten diagnosed yet and I show symptoms of bpd but I have not been diagnosed since we can’t afford to get it professionally diagnosed.,-0.4854,negative,ashamed 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_1,7,"Ok well you can go to a public hospital cheaply. Your mental and physical health is the most important thing you have, no matter what your parents have to deal with. Do you have any relatives who can help or a teacher at school? If you are over 18 you can seek help yourself. There is no shame in it. Cutting, like drinking alcohol or taking drugs, is an attempt to feel better in the presence of overwhelming emotions. It is a very harmful practice and can lead to permanent scarring. I urge you to get help today. There are behaviour therapies and medications that can help. https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/cutting-help-and-treatment",0.9665,positive,apprehensive 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,8,I try not to cut by drawing as an outlet for my thoughts but lately I haven’t felt like drawing at all I don’t even have motivation to feel like getting up out of bed but I have to. I’ve tried to go to the gym but I give up too fast I have no motivational do anything sometimes I feel like a mannequin always pretending to be alright in class and at home when I just want to crawl into a corner and die ha. I don’t know how to become more motivated? Any tips to have motivation to even live?,0.9482,positive,ashamed 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_3,9,"You have to find the root cause of your depression. Sometimes you think 'what is the purpose of my life?' because you can't figure out what makes you happy. Sometimes, your environment is not good. Sometimes, you draw negative energy from others (which means you do what you see from others). You should start by making yourself happy; you should try being outside your house everyday till you get tired. Go play some sports, join a boxing or karate class or swimming, and study at the library, work till you get tired. Once you do all this, after coming back home, you'll only find time to sleep and eeat. Read books. Entertain yourself. Go on dates(don't depend on anyone).",-0.0531,negative,sad 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,10,This is really good advice I’m going to try this thank you so much I really hope this gets my mind off things ,0.8504,positive,acknowledging 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,listener_3,11,"Also bad habits don't go away, they just hide because everything seems fine and you don't think of anything harsh. Always remember being clean only means that you have controlled yourself to do the right thing. Right now, maybe you're feeling weak or helpless or angry or confused or stuck. Just go out everyday. If you sit at the back of your class then move ahead. Sleep 8hrs everyday. You can also get a dog. A dog will make you smile and also cures depression. ",-0.9501,negative,prepared 1627,depressed,I cut after 3 years of being clean,speaker,12,I have 2 dogs and they really help but the thing is I don’t know I’m friends with everyone but I’m always lonely I think suicide in class and sometimes I just want to walk right out of the school and leave. It’s just hard to be around people who claim to “watch you back and always be there for you to listen to your problems” when they don’t even care 2 shits lol ,-0.2391,negative,lonely 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,1,"Y'know i somehow still wish that an accidental but kind of soft death could hit me someday, even if i dont want to die at the time because i get drunk on the happiness that surrounds me, but somehow, something happens and my emotional state has hit rock bottom again. today was the day i finally cracked after a few months on being drunk in the happiness i've somehow found. i always regret thinking that because i at least want to say goodbye to everyone first, and i've found things i still want to do, but i just.. just because someone ticks me off the littlest, i can break for a few hours to a few days at least while wishing i could die... and i don't suppose i really belong here in this subreddit as i would say i don't have any symptoms of mental health problems, but someone could say otherwise, but i just want someone else to talk to other than my friends who know about my background of problems, and im too scared to talk to my parents because i know that they wouldnt understand because they're asian so its uncommon for kids of asian decent to talk to their parents about these kinds of things \*\*in my opinion\*\*. i most likely will go to sleep after posting this but i just want to talk to someone.. maybe tomorrow to just know that i can be okay.. i guess... i don't know.. i'm sorry if you spend time on my post instead of on someone else's who actually needs it, while im here probably just being an attention-seeker again.. sorry.",-0.6938,negative,sad 1628,depressed,Y'know,listener_1,2,"Hmu dude, lets talk",0.0,neutral,questioning 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,3,"I was born in America but my parents are immigrants and I’m in eighth grade if that helps answering the age question.. and idk if it’s really a good idea to be on reddit lol but yeah. And I’ve tried to get enough courage to talk to my dad, always delaying or stopping it, and the fact that he’s always busy these days and I’m also busy with high school applications makes it a bit worse I guess you could say. He’s making me apply to boarding school too and I’m scared that I might get accepted and after a few months, I just crack one day.. and I still wouldn’t diagnose or assume I have a mental illness at this point, I may still be in denial but here I am y’know? Thank you a lot for commenting, it helps",0.9289,positive,apprehensive 1628,depressed,Y'know,listener_2,4,"Mental illness varies in degrees. And there’s no gatekeeping to it either. And it’s unwise to compare yourself. It’s a self destructive and malicious act towards yourself. Gotta be kind. If you’re unable to get the courage to tell your dad, maybe write it down to him? Talk about your fear of cracking in boarding school and just all your feelings. Would you be able to speak to a teacher/nurse/whatever? They could help, and I really encourage you to try. I regret living in silence for a long time, please learn from my mistakes because I’ve had my depression since childhood too. And also that’s the thing about mental illness, tries to trick you into thinking that you don’t have it. Don’t believe it. You gotta be brave right now. It’ll help you a LOT in the long run. Do your best. ",0.4316,positive,suggesting 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,5,"thanks. my headmaster last year noticed that i wasn't doing too well at the end of last year, but he seems to have forgotten about it. i mean i guess i could talk to him, but the teachers at my school arent the best a feelings and stuff. the nurses arent good either really, you know what i mean? im probably making excuses in your eyes but, i swear thats true.",-0.7243,negative,neutral 1628,depressed,Y'know,listener_2,6,"Nah I hear ya, but that’s so good that your headmaster noticed!!! Please go see him! Don’t take the forgetting personally (in case you do). If he noticed I think he can help more than anyone else. It’s not a bad place to start!",0.9542,positive,neutral 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,7,it's scary,-0.4939,negative,acknowledging 1628,depressed,Y'know,listener_2,8,"I know it’s scary friend, please fight against that fear with everything you have. Take a friend with you for support? Please please remember that our minds make it so much more scary than what it will be. I promise that this is worth fighting through. I wish you the best. ",0.8703,positive,consoling 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,9,"okay, thank you, a lot <3",0.5267,positive,acknowledging 1628,depressed,Y'know,listener_2,10,"Totally up to you, but I’d be grateful if you could let me know if you go for it!",0.6476,positive,acknowledging 1628,depressed,Y'know,speaker,11,okay,0.2263,positive,agreeing 1629,depressed,I Feel Like A Shell.,speaker,1,"I have been so numb for so long and the medications, the marijuana, nothing is helping. When I'm driving, I constantly think about things like, 'Maybe I'll get lucky and this car will T-bone the driver side of my vehicle'. I'm constantly pushing people away, I can't deal with human interaction, everything I do makes me exhausted to the point where I just want to sleep, but then when I sleep I end up waking up two to three hours later wide awake. I feel completely detached from my emotions, like there is absolutely nothing there the majority of the time. I just feel completely empty, completely done. And I wish that I had the courage to commit suicide, but I just haven't gotten to that point yet. ",0.3332,positive,terrified 1629,depressed,I Feel Like A Shell.,listener_1,2,"I feel exactly the same way. I'm empty and kinda detached from myself. The reason I haven't killed myself (because I think about alot and how nice it would be) is not because i dont have courage but because something in my life is worth living for. Im not sure what it is, but I guess it could be hope, that something good is waiting for me. Idk... ",0.8118,positive,lonely 1629,depressed,I Feel Like A Shell.,speaker,3,That's exactly how I feel... The exact same. ,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1629,depressed,I Feel Like A Shell.,listener_1,4,Do you also kinda feel detached from the world? kinda like a dream? idk how to explain it. Its just a super hard struggle not being able to feel oneself and still feel required to react with emotions in social situations. I often compared myself to a robot who just kinda imitated what other people did.. ,0.5969,positive,lonely 1629,depressed,I Feel Like A Shell.,speaker,5,"Yeah, just kind of... Going with everything. And just having random outbursts of anger and just falling apart, but feeling like it doesn't matter what you do anyway because you're still going to fuck it up somehow. ",-0.1806,negative,neutral 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,speaker,1,"Idk how to start, I guess im just at a point where I feel like i need to say it out loud to an audience i dont know, so I can acknowlegde my problems and that it is okay to feel the way I do. This is super weird for me but here it goes... I've struggle for several years(6-7 yrs) with depression and probably lots of other things. about 2 years ago i Finally chose to get some help and it kinda worked, i've even been on anti depressant which helped me alot despite my skepticism. Haven't seens a psychologist in about a year and I stopped on the pills for about 4 months ago and now everything is falling apart again. And what fustrates me the most is how much energy I need and use to get through the days, and it made me realize that im gonna fight with this for a really long time, and at some point some of these struggles will always be a part of my life. That makes me so fucking miserable and it's super hard for me to like ""look at the bright side"" and just continue. Idk what i expect from posting here. I guess some confirmation in that im not the only one thinking this way once in a while, and what keeps you motivated to work with yourself and get better? ",-0.1894,negative,trusting 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,listener_1,2,"If the medication helped you, I really think you should go back on them, if you were doing well and acknowledged that yourself, then do what you know will help you. You aren't alone, but that doesn't make you any less valid. Nothing really helps me, as I'm in a dark place right now, but maybe taking little steps. You can't expect to feel okay everyday, which is the sad reality. I hope everything goes well for you and sorry for my shitty advice. ",-0.4554,negative,suggesting 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,speaker,3,"Ha... your advice isnt shitty at all. I guess it's just nice to see someone respond to my post - like your message was enough to make me feel aknowledged. Most days I just feel like I dont have influence in the world and that people wouldn't notice if I was gone. So I guess the point with my post was to step out of my comfort zone and make myself realize that I am obviously welcome in this world. &#x200B; I guess i should concider the pills. It just feels like such a setback but I know I should ignore that thought. ugh.. Sorry that you're in a dark place right now. Has it been going on for a while, or? Days seem so much longer when you're depressed so I feel you...",-0.6108,negative,surprised 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,listener_1,4,"of course you're welcomed and acknowledged. and i don't know, too much to explain about myself but i'm fine. thanks for the concern",0.775,positive,neutral 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,speaker,5,"It's really nice to get this kind of aknowledgement. At some point you know you're not the only one who feels and suffers this way, but it's something else to actually see ""proof"". I litterally already feel better from getting these responses lol. ",0.8199,positive,acknowledging 1630,depressed,In need of some aknowledgement...,listener_2,6,"I know, I don't feel so alone since I've kind of stumbled here",-0.3851,negative,lonely 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,speaker,1,Sorry for complaining but I honestly don’t have any friends or anybody to talk to. Haven’t spoken to family since moving out and leaving for college. I don’t have a girlfriend even though I’ve been trying to find a relationship but unfortunately women just aren’t interested in me (which is okay I guess) I’ve tried making friends from work but I think it weirds out my coworkers considering I’m the “manager” which also brings me to the fact that I also don’t like my job it’s low paying but I’ve had a tough time finding something better and I graduated college almost 3 years ago. I’m honestly not enjoying life but I try to make the most of it the only thing I have to look forward to is the gym so it’s probably the reason why I’m able to cope with my loneliness but for how long? Any advice is much appreciated please and thank you. ,0.9767,positive,lonely 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,listener_1,2,"Volunteer: it's a way to get out of your own head, interact within a definitive situation where the purpose is usually beneficial for communities. I don't really follow my own suggestion in terms of face2face contact, being highly reclusive, but I know volunteering will help someone if they can tolerate meatspace.",0.6705,positive,trusting 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,speaker,3,I’ll definitely look into it. Tbh I’m just socially awkward I need to work on that. Thank you.,0.5574,positive,agreeing 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,speaker,4,Same :/,-0.34,negative,agreeing 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,speaker,5,Thank you so much :) that honestly means a lot! ,0.843,positive,acknowledging 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,listener_2,6,"Ofc, I grew up feeling alone, I don’t want another to feel that way either.",-0.0516,negative,lonely 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,speaker,7,You think with so many people on this earth it would be easy to find at least one person to spend time with huh? I completely relate sometimes you wonder why but I guess it’s part of life. ,0.2382,positive,agreeing 1631,depressed,How do you deal with loneliness?,listener_2,8,"Yeahhh, I’ve met that person who they say will be your light, he practically saved me from myself and all the loneliness, I hope I can be that person for someone, maybe even you. :)",0.7096,positive,encouraging 1632,depressed,What’s the point of living,speaker,1,I’m 17 and I have absolutely no friends and I spend almost all my time alone. I hate being alone because I have no hobbies or anything that I’m good at so I just waste time working out or video games or smoking which I don’t even enjoy doing. Next year I’m going to university only because my parents want me to and I have no clue what I want to do but the idea of working a 9-5 job just to pay bills until I one day retire sounds like a waste of a life. What’s the point of living when I have nothing to contribute to the world and no social life,-0.8339,negative,lonely 1632,depressed,What’s the point of living,listener_1,2,No clue fam,-0.29600000000000004,negative,afraid 1632,depressed,What’s the point of living,speaker,3,I can see the beauty in it but I don’t have any creative ability or goals so I have no clue how to create a better future for myself than the path I’m on ,0.9101,positive,jealous 1632,depressed,What’s the point of living,listener_2,4,"I get you, I just don’t get any satisfaction from life :(",0.0,neutral,jealous 1633,depressed,idk,speaker,1,"I just got broken up with my best friend and this is the only thing he doesn't follow me on. Hes having a really rough, stressful time right now and so a relationship isn't really right for him, which I totally respect. I would do anything to help him be happy. But I'm having a really rough time too. I haven't told him because I knew he wasn't okay but I relapsed into self harming yesterday. All I can think about is killing myself and nothing makes me happy anymore. Like not even my pets. They just annoy me. I miss him already, and the worst part is that I have to see him on Tuesday and act like everything is okay. We used to hug a lot before we started dating; we have been really good friends for a long time, so I'm very afraid that he will hug me on Tuesday because I know he will be upset. I don't know if I will be able to handle that and I can't cry because I'm an instructor and I'm just so done with everything. I know that this might be the best thing for him but its the worst possible thing for me.",0.3505,positive,guilty 1633,depressed,idk,listener_1,2,"Sometimes all you can do for someone you love is be a familiar face in the hallway. Knowing that you are still out there doing you, being a strong independent person lets them know they can make it too. Things will work out op",0.8176,positive,faithful 1633,depressed,idk,speaker,3,Thank you. I really needed this.,0.3612,positive,grateful 1633,depressed,idk,listener_1,4,Glad I could help :),0.8271,positive,sympathizing 1634,depressed,I just want someone else to know this,speaker,1,"The person who i wanted more than anything slipped through my fingers a year or so ago after a year of dating, and for a seemingly unknown reason at that, meaning i still dont really understand why we broke up. I havent been able to stop thinking about her, when im asleep i dont dream and when i do its always nightmares with her in them, not as the bad guy(well sometimes) but as the person helping me pushing me to defeat the evil that is plaguing my dream state and i always wake up crying. A few months ago i quit smoking cigarettes, and tbh the only reason i kept smoking after we broke up was because it reminded me of her but i get up every morning and fight the urge to go to the gas station and buy a pack. Its been terrible, i dont have anyone to talk to and my friend who said she would talk to me bailed on our phone call. I dont have the strength to do this anymore, its tearing me apart and i just want to be happy again. Thank you all for reading, have a nice day. ",-0.8701,negative,nostalgic 1634,depressed,I just want someone else to know this,listener_1,2,"It gets better OP, time heals all wounds.",0.4404,positive,consoling 1634,depressed,I just want someone else to know this,speaker,3,"yeah i know. imma be real with you. she invited me to come see her because she was lonely. im here right now and found condoms in the open that somehow “isnt allergic to anymore”. and shes talking to someone, so i really wanna know how she “feels so alone” (her words)",-0.3612,negative,agreeing 1635,depressed,done with everything,speaker,1,"I've been depressed or at least sad for quite a while now, but this weekend has been especially bad. I've felt like a zombie all weekend. I had one small win yesterday, but had no one to share it with. Otherwise I've had no motivation to do _anything_. I can usually find at least _something_ that I want to do, but that's been extraordinarily challenging this weekend. I'm currently drunk, just like I did Friday and Saturday, because being numb is at least an improvement. I don't care that I have work tomorrow. Before moving on, the tl;dr of the next section is that I'm ranting about my relatively good life on a random internet site because I'm fucked up and have no one else to talk to. If you don't care, I don't blame you, please feel free to move on. I'm hopelessly alone, so I over-compensate by working too hard on my career. I'm very passionate about my field and I'm therefore _very_ good at it. I have a senior position on my team at work, but there is a very important ""lifestyle test"" I need to pass to progress upwards. I took the ""test"" at the end of last year, but I'm waiting on the results which may come anytime in the next year. If I failed, which is maybe a 30-40% chance, there's zero chance of significant career progression at my current job and I'm going to have to jump ship to at least a different company. However, I'm so burned out and bored with my field that if I failed said ""test"" there's a decent chance I'm going to take some classes and go to an entirely different field anyways. I always try to have an acceptable plan B and possibly a plan C for any big event, but I'm still extremely anxious about the result because I do want to ""pass"" in this case because it's an immediate career progression and it would be hard to explain to co-workers, friends, and family why I didn't ""pass"". Of my only friends, one best friend is away doing something exciting this weekend with his wife or four years, another I haven't talked to in months because we no longer have much in common after college, he has a fiance to spend time with, and he has way better friends than me, third and fourth friends who are dating each other hardly ever reach out first because I'm certain that I annoy them, and the fifth friend is a really bad influence but is usually busy with real life anyways. In other words, I've had no one to talk to all weekend. I really want to run my own team and/ or company. I enjoy my senior position at work, but it's not high enough of a position for me. Junior members of the team still second guess most of my decisions even though the team lead above me echoes the exact same decision 95% of the time. Not to mention I can't sit in on a lot of the higher-level design decisions because I'm not _quite_ senior enough. I've wanted to start a company for the last 4-5 years, but it's been a continuing failure because I have yet to get any customers since I have yet to get a totally working product. That's entirely my fault because I've been far too much of a perfectionist and I therefore have trust issues when it comes to my personal projects. I've been trying to work on that, so I asked some friends to help out ""a company"" with a project and offered them decent money ($48/hr) to do so, without disclosing that it's my personal money. I've been so burned out on my field, so their initial, overwhelming enthusiasm really motivated me to work on my company/ project again, but no one has put in any work since I asked them last month, despite emails detailing their continued interest, which has been incredibly demotivating. I understand and I don't really blame them, real life happens and adults are busy, but it pains me that I let myself get too optimistic again. Other than that... - I've had a wicked case of tinnitus the last several months. It can be deafening when trying to sleep. I listen to quiet music through a headband when it's really bad to try to avoid it. Despite drowning it out, most nights I can only sleep a couple hours at a time and I end up being awake most of the night. - One of my side-interests to avoid the boredom of my main field is trading stocks. The way I'm playing though is very risky and therefore incredibly stressful, but I feel that I need some way to make loads of money so that I can stop worrying about the future. I'm also fairly new to this area, so it's especially stressful because I'm second guessing myself more so than if I were an expert. - I'm also trying to buy a house, which I'm stressing about having to put down a 20% down payment on because it will instantly wipe out a significant portion of my savings. I'm pretty well off by most standards, but I'm incredibly paranoid about having enough money for the future and unexpected expenses. For reference, see how truly fucked the USA's health care system is. - There's so much negative news. My field is a dumpster fire full of exploitative people and companies taking advantage of others. News in the US is basically a comedy show at this point. I can't avoid the news either because it'd hurt my competitive edge in my career; I just have to absorb it using non-stop cynicism. - I suck at dating because I only open up to people I really know. I'm quiet and on the surface the only thing I bring to the table is my career, which can easily attract the wrong type of person. Not to mention my career is in a boring field, so for both reasons I avoid talking about it. My friends say that I'm funny, but if you ask my closest friends they will even say I'm reserved and that they don't know a ton of personal information about me. In conclusion...I feel for the people who are worse off. I'm still feeling trapped and fucked up nonetheless. Thanks for reading.",0.2186,positive,lonely 1635,depressed,done with everything,listener_1,2,"I don't understand being ""passionate"" and ""bored"" with your field.",-0.5962,negative,disappointed 1635,depressed,done with everything,speaker,3,"Bored has been more of a catch-all term for dis-interest for me. I'm passionate about my field in the sense that I'm really good at it, I would like the field to turn around for the better of the world, and it can be fun at times, but those times are rare because the depressing/ infuriating/ lack of challenging aspects are most often outweighing any sort of fun that can be had anymore. Hope that makes more sense...",0.6605,positive,disappointed 1635,depressed,done with everything,listener_1,4,I say it because cognitive dissonance might be a drag on personal stability.,-0.2263,negative,apprehensive 1636,depressed,Been writing a bit of poetry lately to help just distract my mind and thought it might be appreciated here,speaker,1,I'd open my wrists At the thought of one kiss For once more to taste The breath on your lips But of course it's forbid Like the Mont-Cap kids And the tears just drip As the tip of the knife slips ,-0.0387,neutral,ashamed 1636,depressed,Been writing a bit of poetry lately to help just distract my mind and thought it might be appreciated here,listener_1,2,"this is really good, you're very talented!",0.7951,positive,acknowledging 1636,depressed,Been writing a bit of poetry lately to help just distract my mind and thought it might be appreciated here,speaker,3,"Thank you sm, I'm trying to compile enough poems to put out a book :)",0.6705,positive,wishing 1636,depressed,Been writing a bit of poetry lately to help just distract my mind and thought it might be appreciated here,listener_1,4,"np, let me know if you ever put out a book!",0.0,neutral,encouraging 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,1,"This is my second time reaching out to here.... I don’t know what to do. I can’t breathe I can’t stop pacing and I’ve been throwing things all night. I deal with anxiety, schizophrenia, and depression. My ex just keeps hurting me and I’ve blocked him and I’m close to getting a restraining order. I want to die and I’m so close to just ending it right now. I have been through so much shit and it’s not fair that he has the gal to keep hurting me.... over and over... I feel so small, I just want to be me again but he led destroying the pieces that are left of me. I’m mad and I’m depressed and I don’t feel safe with myself and I just need someone...",-0.9683,negative,apprehensive 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,2,"1st, you have worth. 2nd, things feel and seem worse than what they are when emotions are ruling. Emotions have no logic. ",-0.5267,negative,angry 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,3,"My ex has hurt me, so many times and I’m just over it.... he made all my friends leave me, not that I had many but they were still amazing friends. Then he decided to get his friends together and harass me.... I just wanna be done..",0.8735,positive,devastated 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,4,"My wife had the same issue with her BF before me. It was rough. Friends left, self-worth was gone, abuse, etc. If she made it thought I am confident you can too. ",0.2732,positive,confident 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,5,I hope so... he forgot our 2 year anniversary and he did a lot of other shit... made my family disown even... I’m trapped. ,-0.6249,negative,consoling 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,6,Are you doing better today? ,0.4404,positive,questioning 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,7,"Ex's hurt. That is the reason they are an ex. Growing can hurt. It's why we have ""growing pains"". But we can grow and learn from it. Use it as a negative example of what you don't want. You will be okay. An old internet stranger believes in you. ",-0.8240000000000001,negative,trusting 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,8,"Not really, but that’s because I just woke up.",0.0,neutral,neutral 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,9,...4 hours later.... how are you now?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,10,Bad. Really bad.,-0.807,negative,disgusted 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,11,I am sorry I did not respond back yesterday. Are you doing any better?,0.3818,positive,sympathizing 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,12,"Just woke up, so idk. I feel numb to be honest.",0.0087,neutral,lonely 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,listener_1,13,"ON the plus side, you are feeling something. Now try to find a small light in your life and focus on it for the day.",0.128,positive,hopeful 1637,depressed,Help me... Please...,speaker,14,I slept all day :/,-0.34,negative,content 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,speaker,1,"Hey what's up guys. I want you guys to hear me out. I've been dealing with anxious thought all my life. When i was around 14-16 it was at it's worst stages. I was super anxious and shy, I would never communicate with anyone around me at school or even anywhere. It really affected my life. I have found even saying ""hi"" difficult. But I'm 17 now... and well the shyness has definetly decreased, but all those years not communicating with people really affected me. I find it really difficult to find friends, and communicate with other people. I really, really want to talk to my classmates, but I struggle to respond to what they say. It's been going like this for a lot of time. My class mates would try to spark up a conversation, but my stupid ass wouldn't find the words to answer them. So they would just leave it at that. It's really heart breaking, because I really want to talk to people, but I suck at it and it really hurts not having anyone to talk to. So what is particually wrong with me ? How can I fix this ? Are there people like me or am I the only one ?",-0.9357,negative,anxious 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,listener_1,2,"I’m a lot older than you, but I am the same way. I used to be way more outgoing in my teens, but I went through a phase in life where I didn’t have time to maintain or make new friendships and now I am socially anxious and awkward. I don’t know how to “maintain” a conversation I guess. I don’t really know how to fix it, but just know you are not alone. ",0.6541,positive,lonely 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,speaker,3,Intresting. Just how old are you if it's not a secret haha and do you have a wife or something ? Kids ? Do you have friends ?,0.2869,positive,questioning 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,listener_1,4,"Lol it’s no secret. I’m 27/f. I am not married but I have young kids and that’s why I got “out of practice” when it comes to socializing and making friends. I’ve discovered that the older you get, the harder it is to make and maintain friendships. I have a few friends. A couple girls I grew up with and I are still close but we rarely get to see each other. We live in the same city so it’s really sad. We all have kids and work full time so the real life responsibilities leave us exhausted. I’ve kinda come to terms that I’m just a loner now and I stopped trying to make new friends a couple years ago. Do you have hobbies or activities that you take part in?",0.5131,positive,lonely 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,speaker,5,"Sorry to hear you sad :/. I wish i had kids too to be honest haha. I would just love to have somone to care around me and yes I do have hobbies. I play a lot of sports at school (most of the time football). And we dont really communicate in football haha but after that we go to a restaurant and hang out. I stand out of course, because I just look at how they communicate and I sit there overthinking on what i should say haha.",0.9331,positive,jealous 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,listener_1,6,"You will have kids one day I’m sure! They are a handful but they will keep you busy. Definitely enjoy the time you have now, take in every moment because youth is so short lived. I feel like I was 17 yesterday and it was one of the best times of my life. On the flip side, things get much better after school. You are not confined to your hometown. If you go to college, I encourage you to go somewhere outside of your comfort zone and stay in dorms. You will meet many people and those people will become good friends, some even like family. Things may seem weird now socially, but it will get better. That’s the good part of being young!",0.9941,positive,grateful 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,speaker,7,Thanks :D,0.7865,positive,wishing 1638,depressed,What is wrong with my uncommunticable ass ?,speaker,8,"I do smile most of the time. And people around me joke around a lot. I like it, and i want to respond, but ... I struggle. Anyways i think i can find ways to make this better. Thanks for your response",0.8662,positive,annoyed 1639,depressed,The end,speaker,1,I can’t even explain how I let myself get this messed up but I can’t remember the last time I felt happy in anyway. I feel broken,0.0065,neutral,sad 1639,depressed,The end,listener_1,2,Hey if you want someone to talk to I'm available ,0.0772,positive,agreeing 1639,depressed,The end,speaker,3,"I just really can’t grasp where my happiness went, I’m not even close to who I was before and I just hate myself",-0.0258,neutral,sad 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),speaker,1,"So as most of u know finding actual help irl is not good so ill just expose myself to the internet. Where do i start...OH my now boyfriend is someone who i dont love and i feel terrible about it. Basically my other account is where i post wholesome stuff, ya know to feel like im a good part of society and not a waste of resources, money, time and air. He felt super sad and i helped him by supporting him, then he fell in love with me and asked me out, all nice and dandy. Cause ive always wanted a boyfriend, it was nice the first few days. Until reality hit me, i just used him for my own personal benefits and instead of saying no LIKE A GOOD HUMAN i said yes and pretended to be interested. Now i cant speak to him without feeling guilty and wanting to die. Im a slut who toys with people's emotion for fun, im a monster and im going to be the reason someone's sad or depressed. I was the reason he started having a better outlook on life, i cant break up with him itd be cruel! I hate myself to the point it hurts. Every joint and muscle and my body is sore 24/7 even though i barely do anything. Those stupid cold chills i get where my arms feel like an empty void. I hate myself. i hate my flaws.i hate my face. i hate my personality, my humor, my mentality , everything. The fact that anything good happens to me is wack, im the stupidest person ever yet universities are interested in me. Im not saying i dont like i, i appreciate it but i dont deserve it. The crazy thing is i love others so much, yet i hate myself so much at the same time. I hide everything with sarcasm and jokes. Yet i cant tell anyone this because people will think im lying or feel sorry for me and thats the last thing i need. That concludes my depressive Ted talk, u dont care but guess what ur not the only one 🙃",-0.9681,negative,ashamed 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),listener_1,2,"I think you should break up with him, that'd be a first step to relieve you from all the burden in your mind",-0.1027,negative,suggesting 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),speaker,3,Im trying to but he seems so interested and i dont want to hurt him,0.8429,positive,caring 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),listener_1,4,"you have to put your own mental health before his feelings, its a hard step you must take. you can't make him live a lie, and you can't make yourself trapped this way. please, the sooner the better. communication is vital in every relationship. it's going to be better for the both of you on the long run. i wish you the best",0.9557,positive,wishing 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),speaker,5,"Thank you, i reallyyyyy appreciate it ❤",0.8555,positive,sympathizing 1640,depressed,I created a alternate account just for this :),listener_1,6,"you're very welcome, hope it all gets better for you soon 💜",0.927,positive,consoling 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,speaker,1,"I have broken my wrist and I am unable to play hockey for my uni, I have given myself 3 weeks off until I get back playing but the doctors say longer but fuck them. How do you cope not being able to play the sport you love? I am so depressed right now because it was my only form of escapism xx",-0.3943,negative,sad 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,listener_1,2,"Maybe pick up a hockey video game, study tactics of good teams on youtube...etc. Bruce Lee was paralyzed for a long time then came back and introduced the world to Jeet kune Do",0.4404,positive,proud 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,speaker,3,Yeah didn't know about Bruce Lee being out for a year wow. My injury seems trivial I think I need to suck it up thanks xx I was going to buy a game but the new Metro game,0.2617,positive,surprised 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,listener_1,4,"yea that looks pretty sick, did you play the others?",0.3182,positive,questioning 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,speaker,5,"I know thanks, its just that its the now, I am at the point where I went home and came back and I dont even want to speak to my parents. The next 3 weeks will be mentally challenging but its hard seeing past that right now",0.1378,positive,agreeing 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,speaker,6,"Yeah over and over, its one of the best game series ever!",0.7712,positive,agreeing 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,listener_1,7,It's based on a book,0.0,neutral,sentimental 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,speaker,8,i know got the books too,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1641,depressed,Missing out has made me depressed,listener_1,9,"oh snap, you a die hard fan then!",-0.5093,negative,questioning 1641,depressed,Hopeless,listener_2,1,I feel scared of my emotions.,-0.4404,negative,afraid 1641,depressed,Hopeless,listener_3,2,"I'm terrified of my emotions, they're literally killing me each day. I'm not in a good life position mentally, but if you need someone to talk with, don't hesitate to message. At the very least we can be scared of our emotions together.",-0.8192,negative,terrified 1641,depressed,Hopeless,listener_2,3,I would be so grateful. I feel totally alone in this. ,0.3763,positive,lonely 1641,depressed,Hopeless,listener_2,4,I would love that. ,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 1642,depressed,Help for those who want it,speaker,1,"I know I shouldn't be one to talk about help, especially with my name, but I've seen the depression subredits and there are a lot of people with problems much worse than mine. So here is my little messege for the people that read this. Even though things have been bad for a while just know that it'll get better. It doesnt rain forever. Also for those who have gone through abuse and heartbreak than know that one day you'll find the one. Nobody knows who their soulmate is but they find it. So keep living so you can find your soulmate. Also here's 3 things you should do before you die, credit to my 10th grade spanish textbook. 1. Plant a tree 2. Write a book 3. Have a child with the one you love. If you still feel depressed after that then keep planting trees, keep writing books, be with your loved one(s). Just don't give up. There will be someone dying to meet you. Also for the ones with no friends because of events, there's a whole community on Reddit. There's thousands, maybe millions, of chances to make friends or at least starr a conversation, but not all of them are good people. But some are good people. Also for the people that have trust issues or just hate humans. You probably have heard this hundreds of times but I don't care. Not everyone is like them. People are rarely the same. We're each our own special snowflake. And if your family don't care then don't care about them. It's their loss because you are a wonderful and amazing person. Keep being you and do your best in life. Also upvote or spread this across reddit so more people can see this. I sorta do care if you steal this so please don't. But I don't care about upvotes or whatever it's called. Just spread this post. Everyone, good luck on life and keep being you",0.9428,positive,hopeful 1642,depressed,Help for those who want it,listener_1,2,"This is not appropriate for a depression subreddit. You don't understand depression. The rain does not suddenly stop pouring for many people. They have to work their asses off to fight it for years with medical attention, not just waiting for a phase to pass. It is not cured by fining a ""soulmate."" Neither is getting over abuse. Heartbreak is not depression. And goodness no, do not tell people that one of the three things they need to do before they die is have a child. Having children does not equal life fulfillment or happiness. This is a very naive post and you clearly have a lot to learn. The fact that you think this needs to go viral is not only laughable but frankly insulting that you think any of this can help people with depression. There are resources pinned at the top of this subreddit. I highly suggest you take some time to go through them and learn. ",-0.8233,negative,questioning 1642,depressed,Help for those who want it,speaker,3,"You do prove a lot of points about my messege. If you want me to change it then I'm willing to listen, and learn of better ways to help. I'm sorry for offending you with this messege",0.3182,positive,sympathizing 1642,depressed,Help for those who want it,listener_2,4,Couldn't have said it better myself ,0.4404,positive,impressed 1643,depressed,I just don't know anymore,speaker,1,"I have absolutely no idea how to set this out, so, I'm going to info dump: I've practically been forced to move out because my mother has been verbally, mentally and physically abusing me because her boyfriend cheated on her and she has no one else to take it out on, Since then I've moved with my sister and she's more than generously set a foundation for me to continue my education, I've broken things off with my girlfriend of nearly 4 months (Which for me is quite a while), I've cut off relations with one of my dearest friends due to them turning on me. This is all within the span of 2 weeks and... I just don't know anymore. &#x200B; I'm so mentally out of tune with everything and anyone I'm just numb, every day just gets longer and slower, and it all just passes by as I lay in a bed of self-worthlessness and melancholic numbness. I don't want to kill myself, I don't cut or self-harm, I don't even have the energy to cry. I'm sure that all of this will kick in sometime or another, all I can do is just get angry at the simplest of things. &#x200B; TL;DR: I'm going through a lot of shit and don't know what to think about it anymore",-0.944,negative,ashamed 1643,depressed,I just don't know anymore,speaker,2,"If this doesn't reach the guideline standards, notify me, I'm more than willing to delete it",-0.0191,neutral,agreeing 1643,depressed,I just don't know anymore,listener_1,3,Post is fine; speak your mind.,0.2023,positive,acknowledging 1643,depressed,I just don't know anymore,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1643,depressed,I just don't know anymore,speaker,5,I don't even know what we would talk about... If anything I'm venting or looking for straight up advice ,0.2263,positive,apprehensive 1644,depressed,I woke up today,speaker,1,"Sweating profusely. Wasn't really that warm, but my body was soaked. I was scared, I didn't really know what was going on. I ran out of hard booze the night before and had to make-do with a few leftover sleep meds. But the alcohol is king, and if I'm sober too long, I just start to feel it. All the emotions, all of the pain. I can't even escape them in my sleep. The dreams are so vivid, so powerful. I can feel them in my very core, it's almost like my mind just wants to hurt me. Like it just wants me to fucking feel all the pain conscious or unconscious. I often wake up crying, confused. Not able to discern dream from reality. Neither is good, though, so I guess it doesn't really matter. Throughout the day, booze is the only thing that keeps me from being nearly incapacitated with emotion. The days are getting longer. That's not a bad thing entirely, I still have a lot to do, and I'm on bided time. Only problem is longer days just mean more chance for thought, and thought is the last thing I want. I've been watching my life deteriorate over the past couple weeks of my worst depressive happening ever. By my own hand, of course. I have great support, amazing friends and all the opportunity in the world. But I don't want it. I don't fucking want any of it. I've done things I'm not sure I can forgive myself. I've hurt, I've manipulated for my own selfish gain, and I've changed as a person entirely. I haven't chosen to actively off myself. I've chosen to do it slowly, and painfully. Not necessarily physical pain, though there is enough of that as well. Just watching everything I've built over the past several years fall apart, and drift into a figurative coma of self-loathing and hate. Quit my job, gave up the reptile collection I've built and cherished so much over the years, they don't deserve to suffer just because of me. Selling everything I own, losing friends left and right. I'm watching it all fade away in front of me. I never drive now, haven't driven in days. No reason to risk the lives of others because of my own poor decisions. I've hurt enough, I've ruined enough. Nobody else needs to suffer because of me. Except me. Sometimes I will cross-fade at night, but it basically turns into a 1hr cry session and the same song on repeat until I pass out. I don't do it every night, I only do it when I really feel like I deserve it. Honestly, I'm afraid. I'm actually fucking *terrified* of myself and my own mind. When I look back and see the things I've done over the past several years, those I've hurt. It makes me so angry. I just want to yell at myself in the mirror and say ""who the FUCK are you, get OUT of my FUCKING life!"" but I can't. That person in the fucking mirror is me, and I can't stand it. What happened? Why did I do it? I don't know anymore. I don't want to think. I just want them to go away. So I keep them locked away in my own mind. Keep myself locked away. I keep them suppressed with the booze, the pills. You can't hurt anyone anymore, I'll make sure of it.",-0.9915,negative,terrified 1644,depressed,I woke up today,listener_1,2,"Find a sensory derivation tank near you, go for the hour float, it is worth every penny. In the darkness, consumed by it, loosing sense of what is you and the water, floating in zero g, you have no choice but to confront your deepest and darkest thoughts. With nothing but your own conciseness to focus the full potential of your brain on, you will find the answers you are looking for. You said it all, I wish I could contribute more but all I would be saying is ""I'm sorry"" or ""You can't take it back, but you can move forward"" but that is not what you need to hear, you know what you need to hear to forgive yourself, just have to find it within yourself. ",-0.3071,negative,neutral 1644,depressed,I woke up today,speaker,3,"I have those chambers locally, but I'm literally terrified of it. I have heard good things about it all, I just don't know if I could manage right now. I definitely want to try it though some day. ",0.3291,positive,apprehensive 1644,depressed,I woke up today,listener_1,4,"some are pretty spacious and none of them lock, the water is only like 8"" deep or something and with all the salt it is impossible to sink, you can even fall asleep. I think it's like $65/hr, but even the 30 min is worth it. Alternatively, you could go camping your back yard or something. Point is to unplug",0.7140000000000001,positive,neutral 1645,depressed,Scared of being honest with my therapist,speaker,1,"I don't want to be involuntarily hospitalised. So that's why i'm scared to be a 100% honest with my therapist. There are a lot of heart breaking things that have happened in my life the past couple of months. But my whole life is a shit show. I don't know where to begin, i'm too depressed to focus and keep writing, because I lack energy. But I want, I NEED this off my chest so i'll force myself to keep writing until i'm done. I have never done this before, I usually just keep it all in and suffer inside until i'm numb, all because i've forgotten what it is like to express myself. I've worn a mask that say's i'm fine for far too long, now the mask has become me. I don't know who I am anymore. There's a lot i've been holding in. I think that it would be healthy for me to express it here. I've got nowhere else to go. Nobody else to talk to. &#x200B; I've been thinking about killing myself. A lot. \-Few-, there, I said it. I could be honest about it without putting on a mask pretending that i'm fine. And without being scared of the consequences for saying it. And while i'm talking about expressing myself I would also like to say: The angry side of me would like to say that it's this way because humans are pieces of shit that don't care if you suffer so they let you die. Because your problems are not an issue for them. Feels good... &#x200B; There a part of me that would like to write more, but I lack the motivation and don't understand what's the point of all this so... I'll end this text right here. ",-0.976,negative,trusting 1645,depressed,Scared of being honest with my therapist,listener_1,2,"I don't know what the answer is here, and I'm not a professional or anything resembling it. I did go through some shit though and opening up to professionals helped me. This is my unprofessional advice. If you feel like you need talk about it or things will only get worse, I think you should just do it and let whatever comes with it be. Tell them your fear of being involuntarily hospitalised and let them decide. You need to allow yourself to get the help you need even if it's not in the way you want. This stuff only works if you let it. I hope this helps in some way even if it's not what you want to hear.",-0.2783,negative,trusting 1645,depressed,Scared of being honest with my therapist,speaker,3,"many professionals ive talked to don't understand how to help me. They were all predictable to me. All act in the same manner. They don't understand what I really need. They just act on what they understand, and it's not enough to help me. I'm not interested in being honest with them. Most of the time I find them to be incompetent. Not worth being honest to. ",-0.6103,negative,trusting 1645,depressed,Scared of being honest with my therapist,listener_1,4,"Not being honest the person trying to help you just doesn't work. All this stuff you're saying here is what you should be telling them. It's like if you walked up to someone saying ""please!!!"" and nothing else, they won't know where to begin. There are a lot of movies that show therapy extremely sensationalized but it's not the reality, the process is not glamorous or intense. Most of the time just telling someone about your problems can solve 90% of them and give you another perspective you needed. Sometime they can catch a big flaw in your thinking that you never knew you had. That said it is important to find someone you at least like, so if anything find another therapist and see if they're better. However the longer you wait to open up, the worse the situation might get and the more desperate you might get. Take care of yourself.",0.4766,positive,trusting 1645,depressed,Scared of being honest with my therapist,speaker,5,i need emotional support and not their studied garbage. ,0.5106,positive,neutral 1646,depressed,I wish I could disappear,speaker,1,I definitely suffer from depression and anxiety. I try to deal with it the best I can. I try to be normal & strong for my kids and my SO My SO has completely betrayed me. My entire life as a stay at home mom revolves around making my kids and my SO happy. I want to die. I want to disappear. I feel heavy. My heart feels 500 lbs. I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to play with or deal with the kids. I want to die. Idk how someone who loves someone could hurt them so much. Idk why People are so shitty to people that do everything for them I wish I wasn’t here. I wish I was never alive ,-0.0294,neutral,ashamed 1646,depressed,I wish I could disappear,listener_1,2,How has your SO betrayed you? Do you think it's fixable?,-0.8122,negative,questioning 1646,depressed,I wish I could disappear,speaker,3,I haven’t decided if it’s fixable ,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1647,depressed,During breakdown do you ever keep staring at the blade you cut yourself with?,speaker,1,And wonder that in the end of the day this is all you have. A sharp blade that can make you bleed without fail and one day when you have the courage this is the only thing that can end your sufferings and make you free. That's what I am feeling.,0.8705,positive,trusting 1647,depressed,During breakdown do you ever keep staring at the blade you cut yourself with?,listener_1,2,"I'm right there with you man. I started cutting again recently, and even more than I ever had before. I stopped at 17, did it maybe a year ago, and then since my biggest breakdown ever, I started doing it a lot. Some deeper than others, have to wear long sleeve shirts for a bit. The pain is nice. We are all different people and I would never say I understand exactly how you feel with your own emotions and such and with self-mutilation. I just do it because I hate myself and want to harm myself. Unfortunately it doesn't really end my own personal suffering, it can replace the emotional pain with physical pain, but only for a limited time. I haven't cut in probably 5 or 6 days. &#x200B; Many of them have healed up fairly well now, but still noticeable. I had one real deep one I did probably 6 months back, scar is still there. I never really stared at the blade, I just like to whip it open and get it done with. I just want the pain, sometimes when the thoughts become too much, I just want the pain and it helps me focus on that as opposed to the troublesome thoughts. It loses its flair, though. I'm sorry that you feel you have to do that to yourself to help relieve some of your suffering. I don't know your suffering, that is your own and only you can experience it. I know how cutting myself feels and the reasons why I do it. They may be different. The blade will always make you bleed, but it doesn't take away the suffering. It only replaces it with a little bit of pain. If you cut too deep, you end up in the hospital, which severely limits the pain and suffering you are able to inflict on yourself, so I try not to cut areas where blood loss will be an issue. Also don't need people trying to get you involuntarily committed.",-0.9894,negative,agreeing 1647,depressed,During breakdown do you ever keep staring at the blade you cut yourself with?,speaker,3,"I have started cutting for 4 months. Luckily it's still somewhat winter so I get to wear full sleeves always. But once the summer comes I don't know how much longer I can hide it from parents. I never cut vein but during breakdown that's the only thing I can think of. I stopped a month ago and continued like that for two weeks but just before the day of my birthday I started again. I hope I won't have to do this one day. But, being able to love myself doesn't seem like happening in this lifetime. ",0.8991,positive,ashamed 1647,depressed,During breakdown do you ever keep staring at the blade you cut yourself with?,listener_1,4,"I remember when I was 16 and I cut myself pretty bad. My grandmother was so embarrassed, she was having guests over and basically ordered me to wear a long sleeve shirt. I never used to really care, but now I do, almost 30, it just seems so inappropriate at my age and as a guy. Girls have a little more leniency, it's definitely not any better at all, but more common I feel. I knew this one girl in high school..Her arms were just..INSANE. Biggest, deepest scars you'd ever seen. Legs too. Other places, Jesus. It was horrible, I felt to terrible for her, to go through so much pain that she felt she needed to cut that deep just to ease the pain. She was beautiful too, my age around then about 15/16, but looked in her 20's. In high school one time I was at track practice and just wore my tanktop after a pretty bad cutting episode. It felt horrible, my team mates were definitely looking. One of my team mates actually came up to me though and pulled up his sleeve to show his scars, and said he understands. He was a big tough, SUPER strong guy, later on ended up benching 500 some odd, deadlift 600+, manly as they come. Never would think a guy like that would do something like that. It really helped, not that I wanted him to do anything like that, but just helped to have someone who didn't give the weird stares and was there for me. Anyways, I hope that it will start to lose its flair with you as well. Feels nice during certain depressive episodes, but eventually it just gets to be kind of..Boring, I guess. It might come back, I tried a few times over the past decade (other than the past couple weeks where I went full drunk crazy and carved up my arms like a Thanksgiving turkey, broke a bottle over my head and bled out for a good 8 minutes, and fractured my foot with some muay-thai kicks to some shelving). Most times before that recently it just felt kind of blah. Then you have to start thinking about work, you definitely can't go walking around work with fresh cuts all over yourself. It just gets harder and harder. I've been on a bender and haven't really gone anywhere past couple weeks, but many are starting to heal up. I hope the best for you, I'm really sorry that you feel you are not able to love yourself. Lifetime is a long ass time, too long maybe, and there is still lots of time left to love yourself. I'm not there myself, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. If you need someone to talk with, about anything, please don't hesitate to message me. I'm not in the best headspace in my life, but I don't like to see other people there and want to do what I can to help.",0.951,positive,embarrassed 1648,depressed,I’m so sick of this shit,speaker,1,"Idk man. I feel really down. I’m stress eating, I have loads of work to do, I’m just fed up of being fed up at this point.",-0.5367,negative,sad 1648,depressed,I’m so sick of this shit,listener_1,2,I wish I could help. I feel the same way right now. I’m sorry ,0.6249,positive,sympathizing 1648,depressed,I’m so sick of this shit,speaker,3,"Don't be man, I bring it on myself.",0.0,neutral,ashamed 1649,depressed,"Everything is gray, and I want it to stop",speaker,1,"For the last ten months I've felt gray and indifferent about everything. I don't really get excited over anything, and I can't remember the last time I felt happy. It's gotten to the point where I'll lay in bed for most of the day unless I force myself to get up. The days blend together and the weeks fly by. I don't know what to do anymore. I have no drive to go out or talk to people, even just texting can be difficult and exhausting. I honestly don't know what I think will come out of posting this here but I guess I just needed to say it somewhere.",-0.1952,negative,lonely 1649,depressed,"Everything is gray, and I want it to stop",listener_1,2,"I totally relate to literally every word you said. I’ve been dealing with severe depression for 10 years and have found little to no relief with medication, therapy or psychiatry. I’m finally going to try TMS therapy that uses magnets to stimulate the left prefrontal love where depression sits. It’s exciting. Do you have a therapist or psychiatrist? I’m a depression expert, lol, so please feel free to direct message me. ",0.337,positive,agreeing 1649,depressed,"Everything is gray, and I want it to stop",speaker,3,"I have yet to start the road towards talking to a therapist or psychiatrist unfortunately. I've had this feeling before, and it got really bad around January 2018 until roughly July. I was a heavy and constant drinker and had many other self destructive habits. I planned on seeing someone but in August of 18 things started getting much better, so I put it off. Sadly it came back in full swing around May of 18 and I've been keeping it contained since. I'm just getting tired. But I do plan on talking to someone in the coming months.",-0.8395,negative,ashamed 1649,depressed,"Everything is gray, and I want it to stop",speaker,4,"I'll give it a shot this weekend, thank you ❤",0.7717,positive,hopeful 1650,depressed,I have no interest to live but I don’t want to die,speaker,1,I generally just don’t want to be alive anymore but I don’t want to die or kill myself and cause my friends and family that stress but I wish I could just A Wonderful Life myself and not ever have existed. I am just really tired of life being a fight. I don’t really have anymore fight in me and am on my last leg. I think I’m probably depressed but I’ve never been to the doctors or anything. I can’t help but feel like such dead weight to my friends and family. I feel like even at my most depressed I never felt this alone. I’m so depressed I don’t even want to move. ,-0.9759,negative,sad 1650,depressed,I have no interest to live but I don’t want to die,listener_1,2,>don’t want to be alive anymore but I don’t want to die Same here. It's a damn shame there aren't more choices.,-0.9127,negative,neutral 1650,depressed,I have no interest to live but I don’t want to die,listener_2,3,Yea same here when im around friends i feel like extra baggage,0.6808,positive,agreeing 1651,depressed,Hear me out,speaker,1,"Hey reddit. Im writing this just to get things off my chest so hear me out. I am an intresting person. And i dont mean it in a good way. And no im not here to ,,shame myself"", without any reason, i just want to see if theres any people dealing with this kind of stuff like i am. So to begin with, im a 17 year old high school atendee. When i was younger i was super akward. This i think made me a socially bad person. I dont know how to talk to people. And i feel like the people around me get along really well. I try to fit in, but i always seem to be that guy whos just... i guess you could say just ""always there"". I get invited to parties quite a lot, i go to them, but yet again, with alchohol in my system, im still not standing out from the crowd. Oh and dont let me start with girls haha. Whenever i see one i just crumble up in a ball and roll away. Biggest achievement for me will be to have a connection with a girl. Actually, there was this girl in class that i really liked. I was finding her really beautiful and smart. So ofc, i had to grow a pair and go for it. It was going pretty good, we texted on messenger, havent really talked irl haha. But after like 2 weeks of me obviously showing her that im intrested in her she said that she is occupied with another man. This was really heart breaking. I couldnt stop thinking about her for 2 weeks. And i always found the saying that you shouldnt date your classmate dumb. Well i learned it in a hard way. But i moved on, and things were going pretty well. I actually found one female friend whom i blocked, this girl will be important in my story with the girl whom i catched feeling on. So things were going pretty good at school. One day i was sitting at class, bored as always when out of the blue the girl starts teasing me about me and the other girl i talk to. Of course, this struck me like a brick and i was akward. Days past and she does things to get my attention, like taking my pencil case and hiding somewhere underneath hear, which is super weird haha. Also dum dum dum, she texted me on messenger. FIRST. Crazy right ? And guess who we talked about, the other girl i talked to. This kept on going for like 2 weeks. Her signs of liking were obvious. But guess what. My unexperienced in dating ass, didnt know how to make a move. Looking back on it there were a millllionnnn things i couldve done. Also the shy part played a big role in that. And now... she is unintrested in me, all those eye contacts she made, all those messages, just disappeared. And i have this feeling in my chest. Like a hole and there is air coming out. I dont really know how to explain it. But im working on fixing it. So onto the blocked girl. This girl haha. We have an intresting story together. We both are really SHY. And haha as shy people do, we tend to be shy, so at school we wouldnt talk and on messenger we would talk every day. And we would even ask each other questions like ""oh why dont you talk to me at school ? Haha"" "" Why you always looking down when you walk past me haha"". This friend ship has gone for around 7 months. Just recently i blocked her. Because i think this was better for both of us. We were both akward, and it really affected us seeing each other at school. But i think, myself i did a mistake. We had a good connection. And i feel like i kind of broke her heart for doing it. She wrote me a christmas letter. And im not gonna lie, i shed a tear. It was so good. She wrote about what good times we had, and how i shouldnt let people judge me because i am unique and i shouldnt let others affect me. This has hit home. I wrote her a letter after a month of recieving hers. But i didnt give it to her yet. Because a lot of time has passed from recieving her letter and i feel like it would be stupid to give it to her now. What i wrote in the letter was, how i felt about us, also the fact that i over reacted and blocked her just because she has this feeling that she cant have control of. Maybe i should hand this letter to her. What do you guys think ? Anyways, thanks for listening to my stories and hopefully there will be some responses haha.",0.9991,positive,embarrassed 1651,depressed,Hear me out,listener_1,2,"Keep your head up.. You still have time. Try online dating maybe so you can practice just talking and chatting with girls. Don't be too bummed if they don't work out, just keep testing the water and eventually you will meet someone who's on the same page as you.. Good luck. I was the awkward, shy girl growing up and eventually (once I left school) I was able to spread my wings and meet other people that were interesting and have my first ""real"" relationship. Pm if you ever wanna chat! Don't give up!! ",0.8213,positive,hopeful 1651,depressed,Hear me out,speaker,3,Sure do ! Thank you :),0.7959,positive,acknowledging 1652,depressed,Miss her,speaker,1,"I day dream of what our wedding, honeymoon, kids, everything that could have been. Nothing has helped me get over her. I gave up everything to end up with nothing.",0.25,positive,sad 1652,depressed,Miss her,listener_1,2,F,0.0,neutral,proud 1652,depressed,Miss her,speaker,3,F?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1652,depressed,Miss her,listener_2,4,"Its a cheeky way to ""pay respects"", usually in the context of a funeral. He's being an ass. Well, I mean, I donno man. When people break your heart you get another scar that lasts forever. It heals over time, but the scar stays. Eventually, and sometimes this can take years, you move on and return to a state of relative normalcy. ",0.1531,positive,embarrassed 1652,depressed,Miss her,listener_1,5,https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/press-f-to-pay-respects,0.0,neutral,neutral 1652,depressed,Miss her,speaker,6,Thank you. ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1653,depressed,Feeling like there’s nothing...,speaker,1,I’m 23 and in “the prime of my life”... yet I’m pushing myself not to end it. Ya know? Like I am suicidal yet I’m going to do it. It’s weird. Anyone else feel this way?,-0.6199,negative,surprised 1653,depressed,Feeling like there’s nothing...,listener_1,2,"I've been depressed for 10+ years now but I'm also anti-suicide. You were that one spermie that made it, and IMO even with depression life is still worth sticking out till the end even if it's a miserable one, and I'm certainly miserable much more often than I should be. I've had friends die from drug overdoses and other friends attempt suicide in my presence (and luckily survive) and it's simply not worth harming those around you. From a quote I've heard, ""funerals are for the living,"" and maybe that's what made me want to stick it out to the end.",-0.9055,negative,faithful 1654,depressed,"Depressed, venting, and some advice",speaker,1,"I just need to do some venting, please bare with me. I’m brand new to this subreddit so if I’m doing anything wrong, please let me know. I (m23) can feel myself sinking into the darkness that I fought so hard for years of my life to climb out of. I remember first noticing signs of depression when I was about 10. It started due to problems with my birth mother telling me I was an accident and never should have been born and no one loved me. Although I went to therapy once a week with my father and mother (although she’s not my bio mom she raised me since I was 2). It helped and I enjoyed it, but I remember trying to kill myself several times throughout 8 years. My first attempt i used one of my baseball socks and tied it around my neck cutting off the oxygen. My mom was in the other room making dinner. I couldn’t go through with it. But I did this a few times. I then went to hurting myself, punching rock walls, cutting myself. Always having dark thoughts. Right around the age of 18 is where I started getting better. But then I had a few rocky relationships. Got cheated on, one of them with my best friends. I would often consider as I was driving down the highway just turning my car off the highway and crashing into a tree at a high speed. The only thing stopping me all these times was family. I had a good family, younger siblings. I couldn’t do it to them. Fast forward to now. I’m 23. I hate where I’m at in life, I’m out of shape, haven’t been in a relationship in 5 years, I’m too introverted to go out and meet people. Recently my birth mother reached out to me despite me trying every possible thing to block her from my life. She had played so many tricks on me growing up. “Your sister died in a fire” or “I was in a really bad accident” with the goal of trying to get me to visit. So her reaching out is messing with my head again and bringing back so many terrible memories. Also, we’re coming up on the anniversary of the loss of one of my best friends. One of the reasons I told myself to get better all those years ago. One of the reasons to stop cutting myself and stop trying to hurt/kill myself. So I have that fucking with me too. With this and a few more things going on, I can feel myself creeping back into that darkness. I know I won’t do anything to hurt myself, but I’m just terrified of going back there. With that being said, I do realize that there is a light at the end of the very long, very dark tunnel. I know that things will get better. I want everyone who reads this to know that no matter what you’re going through things will always get better. I promise you. I didn’t go into detail about the things I’ve been through, but I feel that if I can make it through what I’ve made it through, then so can each and everyone of you. I know that every time I start to feel this way, I NEED to end my day with positive thoughts. I won’t always feel this way. We don’t know each other, but I love you. If anyone ever needs to talk about something, please dm me. I’m here for you. I may not always have your answer, but you have my attention. ",-0.7978,negative,sad 1654,depressed,"Depressed, venting, and some advice",listener_1,2,Well said. You can do all the things you want. I believe in you. Good luck 👍,0.8074,positive,wishing 1654,depressed,"Depressed, venting, and some advice",speaker,3,Thank you! ,0.4199,positive,wishing 1654,depressed,"Depressed, venting, and some advice",speaker,4,Sometimes we lose our way and need some help and guidance to get back.,0.0,neutral,trusting 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,1,"I'm depressed. And I cut. There's scars on my wrist, legs and shoulder. I feel numb. Broken. Useless. Like I'm not enough for anyone. I'm always quiet about my true feelings. Sometimes I want to break down and scream how I feel. I feel like no one would care if I was gone. Maybe a few tears and hugs, but not much. If I make a single damn mistake I tell myself how dumb I am, how I can't do anything right. I skip breakfast, lunch and only eat dinner. I eat a whole bunch of sweets, and then tell myself I didn't deserve it. How fat I am. I've force-puked alot (not everyday) as punishment for a mistake, or eating alot. I can't take this much longer. The voices are getting louder and scream at me. I feel alone all the time. I want to kill myself and have tried once. But I was stopped by a friend. One of my best. I can't trust people easily, thinking I'm annoying them, how they don't like me and talk behind my back. I hate this life, and myself. I can't even look in a mirror without thinking how ugly I am. How no one will ever love me. Whenever I smile in a mirror, its ugly and a broken smile. I feel like I'm bothering everyone with my problems, so I don't say much. I'm afraid to talk to my parents for fear they'll never see me the same. Sorry this was so long.. Thanks for reading this if you even do. Have a nice day/afternoon/night.",-0.9746,negative,sad 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),listener_1,2,"You are worth it and you are loved. If you can, it might be worth trying to speak to someone. ",0.7717,positive,suggesting 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,3,Thank you for the kind words. And I have been trying to work up the courage to tell my parents how i feel and that I think I should try talking to someone. ,0.8442,positive,grateful 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,4,"No. But if you're saying what I think you are saying, I have talked to my friends, with the usual we're here for you.",0.631,positive,faithful 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),listener_2,5,"It's helpful to get out of your own head, and service work is a good way to do it.",0.6908,positive,grateful 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,6,"May I ask, what is service work?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),listener_2,7,"Volunteering your time at a food bank, animal shelter, nursing home etc., it may help you by focusing on others. ",0.4019,positive,caring 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,8,"Ok. I don't know if our town has a food bank. I could see if I could look up animal shelters near me and volunteer. But yes, I should try something ",0.5499,positive,suggesting 1655,depressed,How I feel almost everyday (has very depressing stuff and trigger warning I guess??),speaker,9,"Thank you for the kind words. I will try to go on, and I will try to talk to my parents about therapy. ",0.7096,positive,wishing 1656,depressed,My Iphone Notes,speaker,1,"😪 (4/20/18) Every aching breath I take I hate myself more and more. I am a fucking disgrace to my family and a failure financially, emotionally, and scholastically. I will never amount to anything and the immense pressure that weighs down on my chest is slowly bringing me to the brink of suicide. I hope my loved ones and God forgive me, but I may not be able to withstand this torment any longer. (7/15/18) I’m Abe so you know I’m good on the outside but constantly wanting to die on the inside but joking around about it so no one takes me seriously because I’m so used to everyone taking me as a joke but it’s ok because at the end of the day when I die it’ll be by the hands of myself. (8/3/18) My best friends ex gf/friend died due to suicide and it makes me really sad. It makes me think about what would happen if/when I were to commit suicide. I told him this. “I don’t know like I wanna help I wanna say something that will make you feel better but I’ve only been through it like once or twice and I can never say the right thing the only thing I can really do is listen :( still makes me sad like I didn’t know her well I just knew her as your ex but just the fact that anybody especially our age doing something like that makes me sad like I wish I could’ve helped them in some way bevause suicide is always a permanent solution to a temporary problem ” And the fact is, I lied. I said I only went through it once or twice, but the truth is. I go through it every second of every day. I’m constantly thinking about my life and how little it means. Yet people our age committing suicide is becoming more and more common. I’m just gonna be another statistic at the end of the day. Just a number. Disposable, temporary, and meaningless. (9/4/18) I don’t wanna hurt myself but I feel as if there’s no other option. I’ve never feared anything, not even death. I’ve never felt challenged. I’ve never felt there’s anything I can’t do. I just feel as if there’s nothing here for me. The only thing I’ve ever questioned in life is what happens after death. The one thing no one knows the true answer to. I’m glad I’m finally getting the once in a lifetime opportunity to figure it out. Everything good that comes to me is taken away. Everything is temporary. The only thing certain in life is death. I guess I’m writing this to let you know that while yes, I am a disturbed and sad kid, there’s nothing that could have been done. I’m a smart kid, I can recognize what’s wrong with me, I know I have a problem, so I know that there are solutions. Yet I have chosen the permanent solution to the temporary problem. No one can change me. Only I can change myself. It’s always been that way. Sometimes I feel as if I’m in this world in the background. I’m in third person. I can see everything from above as if it was a video game. I can see everything in my head. The past, the present, the future. Every time I sleep it’s as if I’m awake. I can see and hear everything around me in third person from above. I can see my sleeping body. It’s as if I’m already dead. There’s nothing here for me, not even myself. I’m already dead. I keep it all to myself because I hate worrying others. It’s not your fault. There was never anything you could have done. Just let me fade away like a memory. Don’t even remember me. I can’t believe how fast time flies. It’s already 5am. Another sleepless night. (9/5/18) Still feel the same. Nothing has changed. I’m never listening to lil peep in the car again. I swear I almost swerved on purpose just to feel something. It doesn’t help that I relate to the lyrics. (12/16/18) Haven’t updated in a while. Haven’t felt motivate to. I started talking to Sierra month ago and last night I ended it. She slept with some dude. Yeah fuck her dude. :( normally when I’m “Sad” I’m just bored or I fabricate an artificial feeling because I usually don’t feel anything at all. I’m just living I suppose... I’m like a robot. Don’t feel a thing. I’ve been thinking about getting into boxing. I can release my anger on somebody and hopefully when I get my ass kicked I can feel... hurt? Maybe I’ll bleed. I’ve bled, a lot. Nothing. Slight tingle if that. I haven’t cried since the 5th grade. I’ve tried: nothing. :/ life is so boring and dull. Life has no meaning. We die either way and our chances of making an impact are so slim it’s not worth putting effort or 78.69 years into (life expectancy in U.S as of 2016). But don’t worry, my life expectancy is only about 1/4 if that. I’ve done many new things since my last log. I’ve realized I’m going to kill my self eventually perhaps sooner than later. In reality I just want to accomplish some things and then end it. the only accomplishment I wish to fulfill is to know the truth as to what happens after death, which is reason enough. Anyhow, I’ve smoked weed, drank... sips of beer and wine (not gotten drunk yet), I’m planning on losing my virginity and doing sexual stuff soon. I have very many options but when people say they have “you have to find the right girl”, they mean it. (2/11/19 3:00Am) happy new years, 2019 is ass. i’ve just been chilling, playing fortnite, getting good grades, and getting high. on top of it all, i’m not happy. i just wanna cry, but i can’t. i’ve tried. it’s been years since i’ve cried. i’m not sure if i’ve just gotten used to holding it all in and not crying but it’s impossible at this point. my friend has told me to just let it all out and don’t hold back and i’ve tried. the farthest i’ve gotten is shedding a single tear, but that was after 3 yawns. I’ve started talking to this girl. she’s amazing. she’s 2 years younger than me. she lives 3 hours away. why can nothing ever go my way. why does everyone want me off this earth. i thought getting good grades would help. i have all A’s, one B- but AP Computer Science is hard ok. whatever, i guess i’m just at the point where i don’t know what i can do to save myself. i wish i could cry. one of my best friends lost his virginity yesterday. i feel happy for him. he said it was better than he imagined. i think i’ve talked about sex a couple times here, i guess i’m pretty sexual. anyways i’m going to sleep because it’s 4 and i have school and it won’t make a difference in my life but fuck i don’t wanna be awake anymore. i’m tired of this shit. my heart hurts. i hurt. i can’t promise my existence any longer. i know i only post in my notes like once every couple months but i go throughout my day with no purpose and i forget. why do i apologize as if i’m talking to someone. this is literally just my notes. what is wrong with me. goodbye for now, or forever. I know who ever is reading this is thinking holy shit I have to save this kid before he kills him self, but don’t worry. I wont. These are just thoughts, and I realize they’re suicidal and depressing thoughts. Yet I will not kill my self, something just keeps telling me not to. I dont know how to explain it. It’s like my mind is a maze and inside is a little helpless optimistic version of me saying hold up gimme a minute I’ll be out in a sec. Don’t take action on this. Leave me to deal with my own self. Just have a good read I guess. If you’re reading this because I’m dead (I plan to release all of this and all of my social media logins when I die) well then... OOF ❤️ I’ve stayed up many nights thinking about doing it, and either I’ve done it or something has happened. Either way, I now know the only thing no one alive has ever known. Life after death, if it exist. So don’t be sad, for I wanted this. I’m finally happy. :)",-0.998,negative,ashamed 1656,depressed,My Iphone Notes,listener_1,2,Thanks for sharing this. Life can be hard sometimes,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 1656,depressed,My Iphone Notes,listener_2,3,"I broke free of family expectations, and it helped me shed alot of stress.",-0.3182,negative,proud 1657,depressed,I thought I was different,speaker,1,24yr female 7 siblings blended family Parent pleaser until a year ago Never the favorite but never a problem Now the black sheep Graduated early Never dated Work 1-3 jobs from 15yr through undergrad Married young (19yr) and it's going well 4.0 .... Grad school Full time job Volunteer work Cares about family relationships Makes and effort Owns a home Dog Cat Decent shape Kind of pretty Pretty smart Sense of humor Laughs at things normal people don't laugh at A little weird Cares a lot about everything No close friends Loves to hike but rarely gets to go Data Analyst Promotion at young age Respected by peers at work Truck driver husband He treats me really well .... Drinks 5-7 nights of the week Going on 3 years Gaining weight Feels like I'm drowning Afternoon routine is a bubble bath and beers Husband is really supportive He's worried I feel like a disappoint him .... Disapproved of people who lacked self control Now look at me? I thought I was different I'm writing this from the tub,0.9913,positive,proud 1657,depressed,I thought I was different,listener_1,2,Why don't you try changing your afternoon bath with a short walk around your are? Just once a week. See if it helps? Sadly bad choices are usually easier but at least you can see the bad choices. Do you get drunk every night or just have a few in your tub? ,-0.8702,negative,questioning 1657,depressed,I thought I was different,speaker,3,"Thanks for reaching out - sorry I didn't reply sooner. I usually have just a few beers, but also frequently get at least tipsy if not drunk. I totally agree switching out that bad habit would help. In fact it DOES help. My best weeks are when I take the dog on a walk after work. Somehow something causes a spiral but I am back on my feet again... Enjoyed a nice ""family"" walk with my husband and our dog this afternoon.",0.977,positive,content 1658,depressed,Something i carry is going to kill me,speaker,1,"My face is riddle with acne. This kills my confidence and whenever im out i feel socially akward. I will probrably wont find a girl ever. Because my face caused this social anxiety and depression. I try to fix it, but nothing seem to work. I want to be seen from what i am inside. Without people seeing my face. I just want to go away from anyone and at the same time i want to be loved by a peer. How can i work this out ? ... ",0.6796,positive,lonely 1658,depressed,Something i carry is going to kill me,listener_1,2,How have you tried to fix it? Have you gone to a dermatologist? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1658,depressed,Something i carry is going to kill me,speaker,3,"Tried a lot of things. Some extreme stuff and some minor stuff. I think most of my acne come from foods. Diary and oily foods mostly. I was so fked up i wouldnt even eat through out the day. Yes i have. Around 2 years ago. The dermotologist was... Not doing her job well. She just perscriped some creams and told me that its going to be a ""long ride"". It is for me. I dont want to do anything because of it. Acne --> low self esteem --> less friends --> social anxiety --> depression basically. Its a roller coaster that only goes down hill.",-0.0297,neutral,apprehensive 1658,depressed,Something i carry is going to kill me,listener_1,4,"Go to another dermatologist. There are effective medications you can take. If you knew she wasn't doing her job well then, why not go see another doctor? If you want to get better, you need to advocate for yourself and find a doctor who can help you. Doing nothing results in nothing. ",0.8779,positive,questioning 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,1,all I want is someone to talk to,0.0772,positive,lonely 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_1,2,Happy Birthday ,0.5719,positive,wishing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,3,Thanks x,0.4404,positive,wishing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,4,Usually I love my birthday but now it seems like more of a “oh I’m still alive” than yay I’m so lucky to still be here ...is that selfish ,0.887,positive,joyful 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,5,Thank you 🙏 I feel like people will think I put this up for attention or compliments or whatever but I’m rly not like that idek what I’m looking for out of this I just needed someone to know ,0.1742,positive,grateful 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,6,Thanks <333,0.4404,positive,wishing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,7,It seems like I say that every day tho like people keep telling me I’m one day closer to getting better but it just seems like I’m keeping myself alive for something that might or might not happen idk ,0.8896,positive,anticipating 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_2,8,"I know a lady who just turned 94 and her reaction was ""Omg when is this ever going to end?"" She's been smoking cigarettes for over 70 years but her lungs are fine. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,sentimental 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_3,9,"I've been pretty happy with things for years and am now myself falling off. Which lead me here.. so many posts, I wanna reply to em all.. it's hard when nothing fun is fun anymore. And nothing satisfies us. I don't have any great advice just know your not alone. Not that that helps much either. Weed and good music can pull me out of a slump. Sometimes... ",-0.3968,negative,lonely 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_4,10,"""keeping myself alive"" is pretty good for some of us.",0.8271,positive,confident 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,11,Thank you thank you thank youuuu ,0.7579,positive,sympathizing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,12,Thank you I hope so too 💕❤️,0.8739,positive,encouraging 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,13,Aw wth :( Would luv to send you over a pressie wherever you are...,-0.743,negative,sympathizing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_5,14,"Sorry had to make another account, haha and it's OK haha here I'll send u a emoji for a birthday gift. 🐰🐼🍰",0.8893,positive,sympathizing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_6,15,You’re welcome😊 I hope you had a great day!:),0.9459,positive,encouraging 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,16,Thanks ❤️ it feels like so many people in my life do care for me but it’s me who puts up this block between me and everyone. I find it so hard to not regret sharing things I don’t ever get that sense of relief when I do. ,0.2705,positive,sentimental 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,17,Thank you 💕,0.7783,positive,grateful 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,18,It makes me sad that other people like you feel this way because I know how much it hurts me so bad :/ ,-0.8799,negative,agreeing 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_7,19,"Yeah I have depression and it’s been horrible, hope you feel happier soon, even tho that’s cliché",0.0772,positive,consoling 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",listener_8,20,"no problem man i hope it was a good one ❤️ and it doesn't always, but when you get that one person who truly understands it'll feel amazing.",0.9271,positive,encouraging 1659,depressed,"happy birthday to me, I don’t want to live to another one.",speaker,21,"Thank you, cliché aside I genuinely hope the same to you 💕",0.8658,positive,encouraging 1660,depressed,"bout to drown my pain and sorrows with booze, whos with me?",speaker,1,😢😢😢😢😢🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻,-0.9382,negative,disgusted 1660,depressed,"bout to drown my pain and sorrows with booze, whos with me?",listener_1,2,stay safe buddy,0.4404,positive,consoling 1660,depressed,"bout to drown my pain and sorrows with booze, whos with me?",speaker,3,Thanks means a lot ,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1660,depressed,"bout to drown my pain and sorrows with booze, whos with me?",listener_2,4,Final days? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1661,depressed,"this valentines day I am single,",speaker,1,"not drinking, and tomorrow my office is having a meeting specifically about how rude I am. &#x200B; Writing it out does help me find the humor tho.",0.2023,positive,embarrassed 1661,depressed,"this valentines day I am single,",listener_1,2,At least the valentines chocolate is on sale soon,0.0,neutral,excited 1661,depressed,"this valentines day I am single,",listener_2,3,"My friends and I send our love to you, may she rest easy.",0.8807,positive,wishing 1661,depressed,"this valentines day I am single,",speaker,4,I’m so sorry for your loss! ,-0.4914,negative,sympathizing 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,speaker,1,I don't know how it happened but in the last couple of days I've been fascinated by Chester Bennington's suicide. About a week ago (I think) I wanted to hang myself with my belt lodged between my door. TMZ disgustingly posted Chester Bennington's autopsy report and while looking for more info on his suicide I found and read it. Turns out this was the method he used which somehow shocked me as I didn't know. I was only looking up stuff about Chester because I used to listen to Linkin Park when I was a kid. Now that I'm older he has been dead for two years. Looking into interviews with him when he was alive it's uncanny how much I can relate with. The most bizarre part of it all for me was that he was 41 years old at the time of death. How the hell did he manage to reach that age with depression?! I'm 27 and I'm surprised I've made it this far. I wish I could've had a talk with him about our common demons but I've been tuned out of actively listening to Linkin Park for the last couple years. It's a waste because that guy had the voice of an angle. I wonder how long he would have lasted without the success like the rest of us losers.,-0.9947,negative,disgusted 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,listener_1,2,His wife created(?) a charity that helps with depression anddd they did a concert without him(obv) the crowd song the chorus anddd it was magical But yeah maybe look up their charity and contact them There is help out there my friend ❤️,0.9451,positive,surprised 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,speaker,3,Chester didn't manage. Nobody else I know with depression has managed. I've never heard of someone with depression dying of old age,-0.8126,negative,impressed 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,listener_2,4,"Ya, old age is unlikely for some of us. Still, we can survive and CB should not be considered a definitive statement about a depressive's chances.",0.2023,positive,neutral 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,speaker,5,No? What about Robbie Williams? Or perhaps all the other celebrities with depression that have killed themselves. Do you know of anybody ever anywhere that dies of old age while having suffered severe depression? To me it's unheard of,-0.9598,negative,questioning 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,listener_3,6,I know of lots personally,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,listener_2,7,At this point we need statistics.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,speaker,8,"Really? Like 80 years old, died from old age, suffered severe depression in their life?",-0.8926,negative,surprised 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,listener_3,9,"Yeah quite a few. They just cope with it and learn to manage it. Some days are worse than others—but fighting the lack of motivation and getting in a good community helps. You have to be vulnerable and honest with yourself and others tho. Doesn’t mean you need to parade around the fact you’re depressed, but find a good group to be around and talk about life with. Could be a hobby group, the gym, online group of you don’t like in person stuff. I know a lot of depressed old timers who picked up chess. ",0.4215,positive,trusting 1662,depressed,Chester bennington,speaker,10,Wow. That's actually nice to hear. Thx,0.8442,positive,acknowledging 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,speaker,1,"I went to work thinking about what could have been. I got off and almost drove to ypur work to beg you to come back. Instead I sit here by myself wondering who you are wit, hoping they make you happier than I could, dreaming of the future that would have, could have, should have been",0.7351,positive,nostalgic 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,listener_1,2,"Dispel those thoughts of taking her back. That can never work, the damage gets done the moment the relationship ends and can't truly repair itself. You'd never truly trust her again and rightly so. Nothing can help the pain but time, really. It sure sucks, though. But don't think about going back, that door is closed, it's up to the future now. ",-0.6705,negative,questioning 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,speaker,3,You are right. Thank you for the words of encouragement.,0.6486,positive,agreeing 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,speaker,4,"The worst part of loving her is easy. She is a great person, but she moved on and so must I. I know my happiness will come and I can't let her dictate my emotions. I know all these things I have to continue to tell myself them. Thank you.",0.9109,positive,faithful 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,listener_1,5,"Best of luck my man, I'm still hurting from a heartbreak myself. It takes a long time sometimes.",0.2023,positive,wishing 1663,depressed,Today is even worse,speaker,6,Best of luck to you as well. ,0.8519,positive,wishing 1664,depressed,I dont even know anymoro,speaker,1,"First post i think ever not even sure if this is a good place so sorry if it isnt. Just needed to say this in hopes someone is listening. From ""friends"" just lying to my face or having the girl i love more than anyone just crushing me every so often. Im not sure how to just let it go and be free, like what do you do if you know its not healthy but cant stop reaching for it.",0.6132,positive,guilty 1664,depressed,I dont even know anymoro,listener_1,2,"Hey op, I didn't contribute to the Reddit community for a long time because of all the negativity, however you came to the right place. Friends are a tough thing, as you get older they aren't like they were when you were kids. You aren't at each other's house every weekend staying up all night. You each have your own responsibility and schedules, it becomes a game of convenience. It's important to have space from each other from time to time in order to keep your sanity and not get on each other's nerves. Yo-yo relationships are the worst, they are like covalent bonds in the sense of ""what can **I** get from this relationship"" meaning they take advantage of you. The best thing to do is wean yourself off, tell yourself this is the last time having sex with them, the last kiss with them, the last conversation with them. You need to get as far from them as you can and give yourself some time to heal, don't respond to their phone calls or text.",0.6111,positive,lonely 1664,depressed,I dont even know anymoro,speaker,3,"Thank you, needed to hear this. Its just so weird i know she isnt healthy for me but something just always pulls me back. Its been like this for years i just wish i knew what kept pulling me back so i can snuff it out.",0.7431,positive,neutral 1664,depressed,I dont even know anymoro,listener_1,4,"Co-dependency keeps pulling you back m8, the feeling of needing someone or something else to be complete. It is better to still all night then go to bed with a dragon.",0.5267,positive,lonely 1665,depressed,Shopping depessed,speaker,1,I just got home from a grocery shopping trip... Wail depressed. This never works for me. I end up getting a bunch of quick things and not what a really need. But after 20 min I need to get out of there. This is always what ppl with out cyni-D do get. ,-0.2846,negative,sad 1665,depressed,Shopping depessed,listener_1,2,"For some reason when im depressed, I tend to go on a big online shopping spree of buying expensive stuff. Just bought 2 WW2 knives and a mace... now im 400$ poorer",-0.7003,negative,guilty 1665,depressed,Shopping depessed,speaker,3,I too do some shopping therapy but it's food for me. It getting the essentials that becomes hard. If I was rich this wouldn't be a problem. I'll be out at a different restaurant every night but I can't afford that. ,0.8013,positive,guilty 1665,depressed,Shopping depessed,listener_1,4,"Yeah, if only we were rich... would solve a lot of our issues.",0.765,positive,acknowledging 1665,depressed,Shopping depessed,speaker,5,It would make the suffering less impactful. ,-0.4767,negative,acknowledging 1666,depressed,I feel like my partner doesn’t love me,speaker,1,"If he doesn’t love me then I’m not really sure why I’m here, because that means that nearly everything good in my life, except my son, was a lie. I don’t want to believe it to be true but I don’t think it’s logical to see it any other way. We were at a party together tonight and he was incredibly hurtful. I left and got an uber home. I was gone over two hours and he didn’t even notice. Now he’s home but ignoring me because he’s mad. While I was alone I had a dream that I had explained everything to someone and they asked if I thought he loved me. I said no, how could I? Given how he is with me. They said good, because now I can see that. I don’t know if it’s because I’m depressed I’m thinking this way, or if I’m depressed because my subconscious knows the truth I couldn’t face. I’m so confused because I felt like he did love me, but perhaps I was mistaken",-0.0685,negative,trusting 1666,depressed,I feel like my partner doesn’t love me,listener_1,2,"Is it possible he’s feeling alone, too? Could he be feeling unloved because you’re focusing too much on your own feelings and monitoring his behaviors waiting for him to act nicely to you? I don’t know. Maybe this is not the case, but every time I feel like maybe my boyfriend doesn’t love me anymore, I try to do something nice for him. I’ll make him food and give him a back rub or something, and usually then it’ll make him feel more connected to me and he’ll reciprocate with some form of affection. Maybe try that and ask him to tell you about something you know he really likes. That also usually gets people feeling better. If these things don’t work and he’s not reciprocating and still being hurtful and cold, then yeah. Doesn’t look good. But, it’s better to be alone than with the wrong person. There’s always hope for a better tomorrow.",0.9886,positive,caring 1666,depressed,I feel like my partner doesn’t love me,speaker,3,"We actually talked it out last night. I think it’s ok. I had forgotten to take my medication and I’m also stressed out about having to testify in court against a serial sexual assaulter, so I’m not really thinking clearly. He was very supportive. I find it hard to open up when I’m struggling",-0.7558,negative,trusting 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,1,"I haven't been diagnosed with depression, I just call myself that way ig. M18 almost 19 still don't know wtf i'm doing with my life. I havent rlly thought about the future because i wanted to die since i was 12 or sth. Well that's a lie... I've thought about the future but it's so fking unreachable that i've just given up, always comparing myself to others and always finding myself not good enough. There's always someone better so what's the point in living if u can't leave a mark or be good/the best at something. I've tried suicide 4 times and i've kinda failed as u can see.... Mostly because I don't want to hurt my mum emotionally (she's been through alot). When i talk about killing myself with friends they always laugh or think i joke, ""hahahaha, no balls, do it"". I rlly want to but can't.... If we didn't have gun laws here I would've done it alot sooner or atleasymt without hesitation. ",0.5801,positive,disappointed 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,2,I'll also see a therapist this wednesday but idk what to tell him....,-0.1531,negative,apprehensive 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,3,ty ig.....,0.3818,positive,neutral 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,4,What's the point in pursueing something when u can't be the best at it.,-0.5216,negative,neutral 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,5,i'll do it later,0.0,neutral,neutral 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,6,"Well i wanted to be good at lifting, but yeah messed up sleep schedule, barely eating and shitty leverages are avoiding that....",-0.7509999999999999,negative,neutral 1667,depressed,Just random gibberish at 4:29 Am..... Sorry,speaker,7,U rlly didn't have to..... I prefer comments like actual support than a virtual thumbs up.,0.6369,positive,neutral 1668,depressed,I feel like my life and happiness is broken beyond repair.,speaker,1,"I can’t ever see myself being truly happy after the last year and a half. I’ve lost a family member, my dog (who had been my life companion), I was allowing myself to be treated like shit by someone who I thought I was going to marry while he went around finding someone else to date. I’ve been on dates with new people, but all of them ended up choosing someone else. My mental health is worse than it’s been in my entire life. I’m always paranoid and on edge, I don’t like being with people but I get depressed when I’m alone. I have some friends but none that I feel like I can really depend on. I’m so worried about my parents and their health, because I’m an only child and I’m afraid I’m going to end up alone in the world. Everything just feels so hopeless and it feels like something I won’t be able to recover from. It’s like all my resilience has been killed. I have no motivation to even try anymore. The world just seems like such a hopeless place, and people go through far worse things than what I described and there seems to be no fairness to it at all. ",-0.9763,negative,sad 1668,depressed,I feel like my life and happiness is broken beyond repair.,listener_1,2,"I know things may look bleak right now, but I promise it can get better. There is always hope for a better day! 🌼 Also know that you’re not alone, if you ever need to talk or vent, we are here. I’m sorry to hear about your loss, it can be hard. But just know that they are still looking over you. ",0.917,positive,faithful 1668,depressed,I feel like my life and happiness is broken beyond repair.,listener_2,3,"Do not use our subreddit to solely promote your own. You left this comment on 10+ posts on just this subreddit, not to mention other subreddits as well. ",0.5719,positive,angry 1669,depressed,Empty,speaker,1,"How do I stand infront of people,lead them in worship when I'm nothing but the worst person...evil even, so worse mom wishes that she was dead than to be dealing with a disappointment I am..who can't achieve anything.I'm flooding with good intentions inside but she just assumes that I don't care about her,I'm using her ...the same person I thought should be helping or supporting me to get into college or start a project ...I end up just not saying anything,lonely it'll eventually seem like I don't want to do anything or I'm not thinking of anything.The moment she's waiting for me to tell her about my aspirations...my head is only filled with the words she's told me before,How much I'll amount to nothing,a failure,fool,one whose peers are far ahead in life ...thats the only thing I believe she thinks about me How dare I give hope to other people at church ...how dare I act holy ..how do I motivate someone that it'll be okay or what they should do when I don't have those myself I cannot sleep,Hopeless .. morning before church is hell Empty",-0.1469,negative,ashamed 1669,depressed,Empty,listener_1,2,Do you think your god is asking you to retreat and refresh your spirit?,0.5574,positive,questioning 1669,depressed,Empty,speaker,3,He wouldn't ask that ... he's the one who renews and restores .,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,speaker,1,"I'm 17, thanks to my dad making me do home school I've been completely alone for 4 years other then my mom, dad, and brother ( which none of us get along AT ALL) so I just stayed locked in my room for 4 years. Twards the end of 2017 my dad started letting me go to church and stay for the after church activities with the youth, but thanks to being alone for so long I became antisocial. At first I tried to stay and be around people change my life around but I was always looked at like the quiet kid that no one ever talked to or wanted to hang with so I started skipping all of that and would just sit in my car and smoke weed then go home. So I'm out of the house for about 2 hours a week alone toking. Is there a future for people like me?",0.5932,positive,lonely 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,listener_1,2,"If you can enjoy being with your thoughts, then develop skills which enable you to make stuff.",0.4939,positive,neutral 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,speaker,3,I dont enjoy it infact I hate it and it makes me depressed cuz I simply cant be around people but I want to.,-0.5946,negative,sad 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,listener_1,4,What about a select few?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,speaker,5,Thanks man appreciate it.,0.6808,positive,acknowledging 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,speaker,6,"Appreciate it. Same goes for you, if you need some one to talk to hmu:)",0.4019,positive,acknowledging 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,speaker,7,You mean as in friends? I have one friend that I get to see once a week for maybe 5-10 minutes I'd say we're pretty tight though.,0.8591,positive,surprised 1670,depressed,Am I a loner? How to deal and what to do with my situation?,listener_1,8,"Yes, that was my thought.",0.4019,positive,neutral 1671,depressed,Getting high,speaker,1,"On valentines i wanted to be high the whole day at school cuz fuck it. I got caught and they called my mom in. She was crying not believing that i do weed. I “promise” not to do it again, but being high is the only thing that makes me happy. It brings me to a happy place. Fuck why is life like that? After that situation tho, i was in my room crying listening to music, and talking to my self. For hours i was talking saying fuck u world fuck every body why am i suffering while my friends have it all? Thats when i realize that i was alone. No ghost, no angels, no demons, no one was in my room hearing my suffering. I realized that and it scared me. Am i really gonna die alone like this, making, zero changes to life. How meaningless i am and how life is meaningless. Fuck now being high in my safe place isn’t even safe any more. ",-0.9748,negative,lonely 1671,depressed,Getting high,listener_1,2,your safe place? grow the fuck up. this is life. there is no such thing as a 'safe place'. there is just places. go to school. do what life asks of you. you're not a baby so quit acting like one. ,0.4336,positive,questioning 1671,depressed,Getting high,listener_2,3,"Dude, I’m not even the OP and this made me emotional. Thank you for this",0.4767,positive,sentimental 1672,depressed,https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/,speaker,1,"Please, help me keep them with us",0.6124,positive,grateful 1672,depressed,https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/,listener_1,2,"I can’t follow that link, can you post it in the comments?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1672,depressed,https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/,speaker,3,[Here ye go](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/),0.0,neutral,suggesting 1672,depressed,https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/arinzt/to_the_girl_i_love/,listener_1,4,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1673,depressed,My head is too loud and won’t shut up,speaker,1,"I don’t think it’s me, it sounds like me but I’m double thinking?! One person is saying: “I really don’t want to go to work” “I really just want to die” “I hate everything” “Just kill me” And going over somewhat of a ‘plan’ I’ve thought over a million times to end it all. The other is trying to fight, writing this post, trying to actually do something about how I feel. I’m struggling though.. I’m struggling to be motivated, I have some positive thoughts in an instant and lose interest from lack of motivation in a second. Everything is a front, I try so hard to normalise myself when I feel so out of control... I feel like I’m being teased, trying to seek help is taking months, I’ve only spoken to a GP about my situation but still 6 months on antidepressants and I haven’t seen a psychiatrist; the tease is if I do something and allow my brain to take over, 1: I may actually succeed this time and 2: if I don’t, I’ll end up speaking to one in hospital! Why is this world literally pushing me out? I feel like it doesn’t want me here anymore ",-0.309,negative,apprehensive 1673,depressed,My head is too loud and won’t shut up,listener_1,2,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/suicidalpeople] [My head is too loud and won’t shut up](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicidalPeople/comments/arnywg/my_head_is_too_loud_and_wont_shut_up/) &nbsp;*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*",0.6597,positive,annoyed 1673,depressed,My head is too loud and won’t shut up,speaker,3,"Hope you’re okay, I’ve had a few weeks from work to try and get myself some help, work seems just too trivial at the moment... Having days of clarity with hours of darkness now, just trying to cling on to dear life. Psychiatrists are now finally prioritising me, hopefully now on the road to recovery - fingers crossed the same for you!",0.9134,positive,consoling 1673,depressed,My head is too loud and won’t shut up,listener_2,4,"That is great news. All the very best man. You hang in there man. Soon this will be in the past and you'll be looking back proud of what you have survived. I have been doing better too. Not nearly as clouded as I used to be. I'm managing things by myself, haven't visited a therapist yet. Although this is mainly because of how lazy I am. For me I usually pull through my depression by myself. It just sucks when it sneaks up on us again when we least expect it. But I have been doing much better since that comment. :) ",0.9263,positive,grateful 1673,depressed,My head is too loud and won’t shut up,speaker,5,"So glad to hear! I completely agree with you, when depression sneaks up out of the blue it definitely hits hard... Proud of you for pulling through on your own, just always know help is there if you need it! In my own experience it’s taken ages so it may be worth even whilst your self-helping looking into getting yourself some therapy for the future... the therapist I’m going to be seeing has taken 6 months for me to be on their radar... Thanks for your comments man, means a lot! Here’s to more good days!! ",0.9562,positive,agreeing 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,speaker,1,Me and my mental issues fucked up the best relationship I've ever had in my entire life. It's been months since the breakup but the pain still feels so fresh. She begged me to get help but I was too scared. She tried to help me herself but I wasn't strong enough to stick to it. She tried and tried. I just got worse and increasingly volatile. I said so many things that I regret. I broke her trust and her love for me. She can't even talk to me because it just brings horrible memories back to her. The bad times were so bad she can barely remember the good. I got help and I've tried to do better. I said I was sorry. We tried to be friends a few times and things were great at first but being around me was too hard for you. I miss my best friend. I miss laughing and having fun. I miss not feeling like life is pointless. I miss you. I feel so broken without you in my life. I just want to lay down and die.,0.328,positive,ashamed 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,listener_1,2,I'm going through something similar I pushed away the best relationship I've ever had after nearly 5 years he just couldnt take it anymore. It's been less than 2 weeks and I'm just devastated.,0.0516,positive,devastated 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,speaker,3,I'm so sorry. I know how painful it can be to lose someone that important to you. ,-0.659,negative,sympathizing 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,listener_1,4,I feel so lost. My friends havent been much help. I just dont know what to do with myself.,-0.2229,negative,lonely 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,speaker,5,"Same thing here. The past few months feel like such a blur ever since everything happened. My friends advice is to ""just go get laid"" so they haven't really been much help either. The world just feels grey to be honest. I just try to take it one step at a time.",0.9014,positive,lonely 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,listener_1,6,How long were you together?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,speaker,7,For a year. It was the best year of my life until me and my issues messed it all up.,0.4215,positive,disappointed 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,listener_1,8,I'm sorry. I know how shitty that feels. You can msg me privately if you want,-0.5574,negative,sympathizing 1674,depressed,I feel like I've lost myself.,speaker,9,Thank you and you can do the same. I'm sorry too.,0.29600000000000004,positive,sympathizing 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,speaker,1,Does anyone else ever have those days where nothing happens to upset you yet you still feel empty? I just want to lay down and sleep... Sometimes I just feel the need to cry but I don't let myself because I know it's pointless. I feel pointless... I can't stop dreaming about my ex but we broke up over a year ago now. She wants nothing to do with me so the dreams just lead to shitty days where I can't stop thinking about her. Why can't I move on? I just want to be happy...,0.635,positive,sad 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,2,"It can be really hard man. I am still not over my ex and it has almost been 2 years. I went to see her over winter break and so many feelings came back, she gave me false hope and then just ended up ghosting, which killed me even more. My way of getting those feelings out is music, but nowadays I just sit in the studio for hours listening to and tweaking my best songs but I struggle with new ideas because I usually have no motivation... And my songs are pretty much just lashing out at her.. I do a lot of things ot of spite as if it would make her come back. All I can tell you is to try your best to push through. Starting an excercise regimen, and making over yourself from the bottom up will give you so much more confidence. Also, although it is shit, seeing a therapist may help greatly. Just being able to get that shit off your chest is amazing. I have isolated myself from all of my friends and basically interact with no one except my coworkers. It gets hard but you have to stay strong. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I had gotten close and got set back, but I’m not giving up because I have very big life goals that I refuse to give up on, and that is what you have to focus on. P.S. sorry about this being all over the place, I was basically just rambling :p",0.8964,positive,sad 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,speaker,3,"Thanks man, And I know how you feel with the music, I have 3 guitars and a baritone but i never find the motivation to play anymore. It used to be the world to me and it helped with the depression alot but her and I connected immensely through music. Now I can barely even look at them without thinking of her. Technically I bought one guitar out of spite from the break up. And I've tried therapists before. Tbh, I usually smoke weed when im upset but the thing is i need to pass a drug test for a job so I can't smoke right now. I havent smoked in a month and It's SERIOUSLY getting to me. Thank you for your advice and kind words though &#x200B;",-0.7816,negative,guilty 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,4,"No problem!!! I would say try CBD, it works for my anxiety, but it really just helps ease the mind, it’s worth a shot. I tried a pill and it was pretty nice, but you should explore the other forms of it. And I have also been smoking a LOT, but i haven’t in a bit and it has helped. Although the weed is numbing, the down high can be awful, since you are used to being so stimulated, try weening yourself off it till you can use it a little less regularly, that may help as well. ",0.9711,positive,acknowledging 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_2,5,CBD comes in pills? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,6,"Yea! You can get it in also sorts of forms. Injectable, cream (like lotion), vape, etc. ",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_2,7,I'm unaware of injection either. Maybe this is not available everywhere,-0.2023,negative,suggesting 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,8,"There is likely a store in your town that sells it. Just look it up, I thought the same thing. ",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_2,9,CBD has not been a favorable experience for me. O was just curious,-0.0654,negative,apprehensive 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,10,You mind me asking what happened? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_2,11,It induced anxiety for me or just gave me zero ,-0.1779,negative,neutral 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_1,12,Huh that’s weird. How did you consume it? ,-0.1779,negative,questioning 1675,depressed,Dead Inside,listener_2,13,I drank it. Vaped it and put drops on tongue,0.0,neutral,ashamed 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,speaker,1,"Graduated with an associates degree in business administration back in 2016. I had the same situation however I was still going to school for my bachelors but ended up dropping out because I was getting discouraged in my job search and even with financial aid I couldn’t keep up with tuition costs. Not sure if a bachelors would help me make more employable but the only job I had was working part time retail and been doing Uber, Lyft , grubhub and other food delivery services to pay bills. I’m 24 and completely lost and stuck in life. I’m thinking if I should go back to community college and get a degree that will actually guarantee me a job or finish my BA. Just don’t know what to do though? I’ve been trying to land a sales job or something that pays me a livable wage where I can move my way up or something. What am I doing wrong? Is the question I ask been really depressed these last 2 years and God only knows how much more I can deal with. Is my business degree just useless? I chose it because I actually love business. Can anyone give me some advice on what I should? It’s much appreciated thank you! ",-0.6878,negative,disappointed 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,listener_1,2,"Don’t worry bro/sis, I’m sorta in the same boat as you. Even after having a stable job for the past two-three years, I felt like I was wasting my life and not going anywhere.. I quit that job a week ago out of the unfair work pressure. I think what we need to learn to do is schedule our time better, seek company of those like whom we wanna become (meetup app, etc), and go outside more to refresh our minds (jog, go for walks, etc). In the meantime, maybe try to look at job postings you like and look at the requirements and that will give you a better idea of what you should try to pursue (bachelors, specific courses, etc). I am trying to do this myself, but I suffer from distraction and easily becoming unmotivated at times. Hang in there, and do your best. Feel free to talk to me anytime :) ",0.8555,positive,apprehensive 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your response, I’ve gone to job fairs and as mentioned I do like business and sales and I’ve spoken to people in those professions who said experience matters more in business. If I was able to get a decent or good paying job then I’d go back to school if it meant it would help me out more. Some of these job postings do require a bachelors but a majority of them prefer experience. I plan on going to a temp agency so hoping that helps. I just wish I wasn’t stressing out so much tbh I’ve been waking up these last few weeks with a ton of anxiety. Even if it was a part time sales or any job related to business I would be truly grateful because at least I can get my foot in the door. Yea I know what you mean that also comes to mind like I need a job to survive but you also feel like you waste your life. But it’s better then doing nothing I guess. I hope you find something that you enjoy. Believe it or not I actually was enjoying these ride share and delivery apps for the time being but I then realized that any given moment they can deactivate your account for whatever reason and the wages seem to decrease every year. So it was a reminder why I need a better paying gig. I have started going to the gym everyday to help with my anxiety I know things take time but I really wish I wasn’t so stressed out about it. Thank you so much that really means a lot I definitely will :) God bless. ",0.9967,positive,grateful 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,listener_1,4,"No problem :) I guess people in our generation really do like quick results, but yup, we gotta stay patient and do our best. What I enjoy is not as marketable or not as easy to find as a job—it’s creative arts like voice acting, or videography. So I’m trying to pursue UX Design to make a careee out of it, even if temporarily. But again, that crap does take long time to acquire experience in as that’s what employers mainly want. I suffer from anxiety too, sometimes walking outside just around evenings are relaxing if you get to see some nature. Give it a try :) and also try reciting affirmations",0.947,positive,neutral 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,speaker,5,"Honestly I’m not sure what I’ve been doing wrong, my interview skills have improved but it’s really depressing knowing how it’s been almost 3 years since graduation and I’ve been stuck doing work that doesn’t even require a degree. I was hoping I would of at least been promoted by now at my retail job but the position was given to someone else unfortunately. But you know one day at a time I guess, I made an appointment to speak with someone at a temp agency so hoping they can find me something I’ll enjoy doing even if it’s temporary. And thanks for the tip I’ll definitely be doing so, gym has been helping me out quite a bit.",0.9633,positive,disappointed 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,listener_1,6,"No probs homie 👍🏼 I hope it all works out for you and they really help you out. And if not, maybe consider internships. ",0.5709,positive,consoling 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,speaker,7,"Hey I had a job interview and just letting you know that they’re gonna give me a 2nd one 😃 I know nothings for sure but I’m hoping I get it. Thank you so much for taking the time to even talk to me, God bless. ",0.9403,positive,hopeful 1676,depressed,Still struggling to find a job after college,speaker,8,Same here just trying to stay optimistic thank you.,0.5859,positive,wishing 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,speaker,1,"I’m not saying anything I haven’t seen several times in the top few posts, but I need to get this out and telling strangers feels like the best way since I don’t want to burden my friends or family with my depression, which is a weird thought, because I would love it if they came to me when they were depressed because I know I would be understanding and loving, but there’s that voice in my head that keeps telling me that they will start looking at me differently, possibly even pity me. To the cause of this current spell of depression, I basically feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I grew up in a religious household. I have spent years in and out of church as an adult and while I’m not super into religion, I have adopted a lot of its moralistic views because they make sense to me. The problem is that now I feel not religious enough for the church groups, much less to find a spouse among them, but I have many contradictory morals to my more worldly friends. A few months back, I found a board game meetup group that met once a week at a local game shop. I was timid at first, but got to know them and their stories and finally felt like I found my home. Then one guy fell for a girl who wasn’t interested back, but was for someone else and they stopped being around each other and they were among my best friends in the group and now I never see them anymore. Up until last week, I hosted dinners and mini game nights at my place with various other people from the group, but lately, it’s just felt like those friendships have just stagnated and with a few of them, the more time I spent with them, the less interested I was in spending time with them. Last week, on valentine’s day no less, my sister’s mother-in-law came from where I used to live to visit my sister (who lives across town) and brought back the ring from my ex-fiancée. Now I have this reminder that I used to have someone that I could be completely open and vulnerable with and now it feels like I would just be a burden on everyone, so it’s better if I just secluded myself. I went to game night tonight, hoping I could pull myself out of my funk, but I was already fighting to join in, and instead opted to sit on the couch across the room for everyone playing games. No one came to invite me to play or see how I was doing, so 40min in, I just left and went home to feel sorry for myself. The worst part of this all is that logically, I know that it’s all in my head. No one has slighted me. I haven’t been wronged. When I brought up that I was feeling a bit down, I was the one who got hurt when a couple of my friends decided to just say “hope you feel better” instead of “do you want to talk about it?” or “let’s do something to get your mind off of it.” Even when I told my sister about that dilemma and she asked if I wanted to talk about it, I was the one who felt like it was totally contrived that she even asked and not authentic (which it more than likely totally was authentic because she’s my sister and she loves me). No one has been mean to me, I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards. I have tons of friends. I’m sure if I opened up to many of them, they’d tear down heaven and earth to bring me back up, but depression is a nasty devil that throws reasonable thinking in the furnace. Alright, well this was five paragraphs too long and I doubt anyone has read all of it. I do feel slightly better getting it all down in writing at the very least. ",0.9746,positive,trusting 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,listener_1,2,"Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Honesty is rare nowadays and I genuinely appreciate when people open up. So thank you. Just want to give you kudos on making the efforts to go out and be social. Its a tough thing to do when your feeling depressed but ultimately one of the best things you can do for yourself. Please try looking into other hobbies or meetups: bird watching, book clubs, drawing clubs, running clubs, just explore! Also keep in mind that a lot of people aren’t comfortable or capable of consoling someone, especially if they don’t understand. If your able to, consider seeing a counselor or looking for a group counseling situation. They can be comforting and make you feel less alone. And you won’t feel like a burden to anyone there at all. Wish you the best.",0.9891,positive,trusting 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,speaker,3,"Thank you for your comment. I would ask if you were my sister, since she told me just about the same exact thing about other people not being comfortable/capable in consoling someone, but I know the chances are super unlikely. That’s always been a strange phenomenon to me, mostly because I’m what you might call “a giver” and it’s hard to look outside of my own perspective and realize that others aren’t like me, and in some regards, I’m pretty rare and very vulnerable to being taken advantage of. To be honest, it somewhat hurt when the friend that I had both driven to and from the airport recently, with breakfast in hand, among several other charitable acts that I did with pleasure, couldn’t turn around and just listen to me in my hour of need. I don’t do the kind things expecting anything in return. Keeping a ledger of kind acts in any kind of relationship and expecting to balance it is a recipe for disaster, but I was hoping for a little more effort than “hope you feel better”. But you are absolutely right. Some people just can’t and won’t be there for me in those types of situations and it’s just another part of life I need to accept. ",0.9922,positive,trusting 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,speaker,4,"That was the perfect response. It’s so hard just to find people like us out in the world, it’s easy to feel isolated. I am feeling a lot better now that I’ve actually gotten it out. I was feeling so happy for the past couple of months, then one day I just started feeling off, so I skipped out on meeting with friends, then I felt even worse and of course I didn’t talk to anyone when the problem was small because it felt like it was not a real problem and it just grew and then when it got so big, I didn’t want to talk to anyone because I didn’t want them to see me this vulnerable. Anyway, I’m grateful for your message. Out of curiosity, which religion were you raised in? Perhaps our similarities go deeper. ",0.9618,positive,lonely 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,speaker,5,"Thanks. That was the short version, but it helped so much getting it out and seeing these responses. You people are amazing for caring enough about some random stranger like this. I took some time to myself, playing games, eating too many of the extra muffins I made earlier for a friend. It was a bad dietary decision, but overall, I feel much better. None of my problems are fixed by it, but my mood is definitely elevated. I’m curious if I also had low blood sugar and if that can contribute to the drop in mood. I don’t have diabetes or anything, but maybe it still factored in. Anyway, thanks again. You’re among the angels on earth. ",0.9822,positive,grateful 1677,depressed,Don’t fit in anywhere,listener_2,6,"I grew up in the Mormon church and gradually became inactive a few years ago. I'm still questioning my beliefs now but going to church is painful sometimes. It doesn't help that I moved to Utah and live with LDS roommates, as ironically funny that is. I've been considering different paths to take my life in, but it's not really easy for a poor college student. For now I'm looking for some friends and trying to find happiness 🙂",0.4477,positive,faithful 1678,depressed,Do you feel unproductive?,speaker,1,"Hi, Looking to see if other people have gone through this or have experienced about the same. I know this is more like a ramble and venting, but any insight you can give would be appreciated. Last week, I quit my job after scrutiny of two weeks over my work output, being told it wasn’t enough etc although I worked hard and did my best. So now, their mentality is affecting me at home too to a greater degree than usual. I do what I can even trying to schedule my time but I feel like it’s not enough of what I end up doing. Like, I think it’s the little things in between that’s causing this (like going outside to do grocery shopping, using restroom, daydreaming, snack and meal breaks, and minor distractions) but even then, I’m amazed at how time flies so quickly and the next thing you know it’s like 11 pm. So right now, I feel like a failure after a week has gone by. I’ve applied to about 22 jobs so far and no call backs yet except scams. I also have little motivation of studying, as I do the bare minimum when it comes to studying for school (trying to get my bachelor’s). ",0.9734,positive,questioning 1678,depressed,Do you feel unproductive?,listener_1,2,"I don't feel unproductive I know I am, whenever I have something to do I spiral out stressing about it or delaying it and then I end up never doing it. It's stupid, I know, but I can't stop it",-0.1576,negative,ashamed 1678,depressed,Do you feel unproductive?,listener_2,3,"I'm in the same boat right now. Graduated with a BSN but failed the NCLEX, felt unmotivated to study after that, feeling like I'm a fraud and let everyone i know down. I know if I study I can pass but failing messed me up and now I don't enjoy anything right now except sleep and letting the tv run but not really watching it.",-0.9672,negative,ashamed 1678,depressed,Do you feel unproductive?,speaker,4,Thank you for the reply! And :( I think we need some kind of routine change or therapy,-0.1759,negative,acknowledging 1678,depressed,Do you feel unproductive?,listener_3,5,I go to community college cause I'm poor. I think my moms depending on me to get a degree so I can help her out but schools going horrible. I failed 3 out of the 4 classes last semester and I'm on track to doing the same this semester. I domt do anything but waste my time playing mobile games. ,-0.9147,negative,ashamed 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,speaker,1,"I'm too scared to talk about it with people close to me IRL because really none of them would care, especially not my family, no they'd just call me ''retarded'' ''stupid'' or ''whiny'' for the hundredth time, and whenever I talk to online friends their advice is either so vague or ''just be happy lmao''... I don't know how to deal with this",0.6022,positive,apprehensive 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,listener_1,2,What about a therapist or a counselor? They get paid to talk to you about it ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,speaker,3,I don't exactly have a way of getting money,0.0,neutral,jealous 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,listener_1,4,"Are you in school? Is there a counselor available there? Talking to anyone would help, or at least make you feel a bit better temporarily ",0.7149,positive,suggesting 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,speaker,5,Yes but I'm too scared to go lol,0.1779,positive,neutral 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,listener_1,6,"It sounds like you're really struggling, and I know exactly how you feel. Life is immensely hard sometimes for no apparent reason. What do you have to lose if you go and talk to them? It doesn't sound like you could feel much worse, so why not go and at least try it out?",-0.8876,negative,suggesting 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,speaker,7,"Uuuh, everything? &#x200B;",0.0,neutral,questioning 1679,depressed,Is anybody else physically unable to get help?,listener_1,8,"Well the same applies every time you get into a car, but I'm sure that doesn't stop you from riding in cars. Go and have an honest conversation, it will feel better especially if other people in your life aren't listening or giving you the feedback that you're hoping for.",0.9458,positive,neutral 1680,depressed,"I don’t know, I’m just going to rant cause that’s all I can do",speaker,1,"I’m a teenager and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I’m severely depressed and know one else knows that except two friends. It feels like no one cares and I don’t know how to tell anyone that I’ve self harmed and have suicidal ideation. I’m not going to kill myself, I just have thoughts about it.(I have good friends who care and know about the self harm and suicidal ideation and depression, but it feels like no one does cause my minds effed up) I’ve been going to therapy, but haven’t told my therapist how bad my depression is bc I don’t want my parents to know and I don’t want it to be a big deal. I’m not self harming anymore, I just felt like doing it to help with how incessantly empty and numb I feel all the time. but ik it’s not good and I don’t want to get addicted so I stopped. I don’t know what to do about my depression, I’m tired of being depressed, it’s been a year of silent suffer as I’ve only recently told my friends and got therapy and I just want to enjoy my life again. Ik this isn’t some phase or something it’s an actual problem, I just don’t know what to do about it. I can’t motivate myself to do anything and I just can’t be bothered, and some part of my mind wants to recover from this and the other part of my mind wants me to suffer more cause that’s what I deserve even tho I didn’t do anything with my pointless life. I barely have any appetite and I don’t eat much (I don’t have an eating disorder, but I do have a body image problem, but I don’t starve myself or anything like that). I have horrible self talk, I think I’m a failure, a disappointment to everyone, I think that I’d be better off dead and that no one loves me (even tho people do love me, it just doesn’t feel like it). I feel apathetic,nothing interest me and I feel like I shouldn’t bother with anything bc it’ll just fail, I feel guiltily bc I self harmed and bc I’m so irritable all the time and yell at people somethings even tho I don’t mean it, I feel hopeless like nothing will ever get better or go my way, I feel helpless like no one will ever help me or support me, I have loss of interest, I feel like such a burden to everyone all the time like I can’t bother them with my irrational thoughts. I also sleep too much and can’t concentrate, I spend every spare minute I have alone in my room, and I try to distract myself from reality, I’ll just watch YouTube all day. I see my friends on the weekends, but I still isolate myself and ik it doesn’t help, but it’s what I feel like doing and being around people is so stressful most of the time. And the rly annoying part is that nothing happened to me, no traumatic events or abuse took place that would cause my depression. It just slowly crept up on me and Idk what to do about it. I just wanted to rant about this, if anyone has any advice I’d appreciate it, thanks if you even bother to read this, I don’t want it waste anyone’s time, so sorry. I just want someone to care",-0.9974,negative,lonely 1680,depressed,"I don’t know, I’m just going to rant cause that’s all I can do",listener_1,2,"Hey man, what I'm about to say you might have already heard before, it maybe cliches. But nonetheless this is all I can think of rn. At times our mind itself is our worst enemy, it would send you down the rabbit's hole over and over again. Depression sneakes up on you when you least expect it. But things will get better, you're just starting your life, I remember when I was a teenager, for me nothing even made sense. Looking back I realize how much I had grown since then. Live through this phase, learn as much as you can. Give your chance for your brain to grow further. If you hurt yourself you'd regret it in the future when you're feeling better. Be patient. I had zero friends growing up (I'm not even exaggerating) I had zero. And this made me terribly depressed and pity myself to no end. On a particularly low day I decided I'm gonna live on my own, without anyone, I'm gonna learn what's right and wrong and stick to what's right all the time. This has made me a very good person. Although still a little depressed, I have made a lot of good friends. And everyone sees me as a good person and I'm content with it. We on this subreddit has somewhat of an idea of what it's like, you can rant how much ever you want. I always tell people to talk everything to your therapist, if you worry that he would tell your parents - first try asking him not to and tell him your reasons to not involve your parents. Otherwise see a different therapist. What I'm trying to say is, ask for help. I definitely want to help you, but the things I can say is very limited. A therapist isn't bound by these limitations, and they're the only ones really qualified. hope you feel better man, keep posting here if things get too overwhelming. When you have survived this shit, trust me nothing in this world will be impossible for you to handle. There is good people and good things in this world. Experience everything! :)",0.9064,positive,sad 1680,depressed,"I don’t know, I’m just going to rant cause that’s all I can do",speaker,3,"Man, thank you so much, I can’t begin to explain how much this means to me and I’ll use your advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, and I do hope things get better. At least one day they will, thank you",0.9477,positive,grateful 1680,depressed,"I don’t know, I’m just going to rant cause that’s all I can do",listener_1,4,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 1681,depressed,"Lost my ex bc of my depression, not regretting it until lately",speaker,1,"So to give a bit of context, I dated a girl from about March to October of last year. Me and her were perfect together, we were the same person basically (in terms of personality), but at the same time we were our own individual people. You don’t realize how much you take that connection for granted until you lose it. Things were going great between us, and then I just stopped feeling anything... at all. I could never properly express sadness or love, and I couldn’t feel either in a traditional sense. I ended up slowly drifting away from her. Right after we broke up I got with her bestfriend because I don’t think I was mentally in the right place at the time, because I’m just really regretting it all now. She won’t even message me back on IG anymore and it’s been so many months. I fucked up so bad. I just miss her so much and it hurts not being able to fix it.",-0.895,negative,sad 1681,depressed,"Lost my ex bc of my depression, not regretting it until lately",listener_1,2,"I recently lost the love of my life. So, I kinda know how you feel. It's horrible and devastating to go through that. Truly a heartbreaking and tragic story of love. Just hang in there and live life day by day. If not that then hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. If you need to talk to someone about this further I'm open and I know a girl who's went through something extremely similar. Love hurts a lot, even if it wasn't meant to be. ",-0.399,negative,caring 1681,depressed,"Lost my ex bc of my depression, not regretting it until lately",speaker,3,"I appreciate your offer, and I think for once I might take it. I’ll make sure to hyu in chat. Usually I have trouble talking about it because all of it makes me feel like a pathetic excuse of a human being. I was really in such a perfect relationship and it ended over something I did that I could not stop, no matter how much I was trying. I even got to a point where I really just stopped texting her for a whole month straight, and god I felt so guilty. I broke her heart and I broke our bond.",0.3786,positive,ashamed 1682,depressed,Why today?,speaker,1,"The only reason I got up and went to class today was to see you're beautiful face and hear your silky voice. You wore you glasses, which I love, and your hair looked different today; in the best way of course. Yesterday was one year since I last did that knee thing that tickles to you. Remember? And I set the reminder to do it again a year from then. I cried when it went off yesterday. And I'm crying now as I write this. Why did today have to be the day you said we can't talk? I'm not sure why but... This weekend had me missing you more than I have in a long time. And it dragged soo slowly on, the suspenseful anticipation of talking to you building and building. But no. I didn't get so lucky. And now I'm left crying again -- head swimming with daydreams of you, hating myself for bringing my self-pity into the public domain, and yet ignoring my self loathing because it feels this is, yet again, the only place to turn. I'm sorry but I just don't know what else to do. Its like I can come here where I can say what I feel without worrying about judgement, or even that many people reading it, but if you read it, how will that affect how you see me? Or I can keep my feelings bottled up and know that you won't be able to see this and know I'm not risking embarrassing myself in front of you... Idk I hate this, I hate feeling like this. I'm gonna just start keeping a journal or something. I dont even feel better after writing this but whatever I suppose I'll post it anyways. I miss you incredibly... I just want another 5 minutes with you talk. You're always in my mind and in my heart. Ttys....I hope. ♥️",0.642,positive,nostalgic 1683,depressed,I really want to give up.,speaker,1,"I’m a waste of space. I’m a failure at everything I try to enjoy. I have no outstanding traits about me. I try to be positive. I try to be optimistic about my future. “Time heals, things will get better.” That’s bullshit. It never does. All I ever try to do is make the ones around me happy, I don’t ask anything in return. I try to improve myself through my own hard work in the things I do, I never get any results. All of my peers look like they all have something great ahead of them in life. I don’t see anything but pitch black in my future. I try to do the best thing and try to stay positive. But I can’t anymore. In the end, nothing has changed. I want help, but no one really cares. I’m just going to be told “you might have depression”, “there are people who want to help you”, “go see a doctor”, blah blah blah. Yeah you’re probably right, maybe I am depressed. There’s people who want to help? Like who, the doctor? A therapist? Ofcourse they want to help. After they get paid. They care more about the money in your pocket than your damn feelings. I just don’t care anymore for trying to become better. ",0.9925,positive,disappointed 1683,depressed,I really want to give up.,listener_1,2,"Some doctors are absolutely in it for the money, but there are some out there that genuinely care about you and want to make you feel better. Keep trying. Keep looking for someone who does want to help, I promise that they are out there even if they are a needle in a haystack. I'm not going to guarantee that things will get better, I hurt terribly as well and know exactly how you feel. But I know that things can't get better if we give up. ",0.809,positive,faithful 1683,depressed,I really want to give up.,listener_2,3,"I think he's right, and just to add on, this kind of peer based support is fine but at the end of the day you just can't beat real professional help.",0.7003,positive,agreeing 1684,depressed,I hate you depression.,speaker,1,I feel so empty and lonely and just sad all over. Im not motivated to do anything I just want to be left alone. I want to cry it all out but no tears and right now life just really sucks. ,-0.8517,negative,lonely 1684,depressed,I hate you depression.,listener_1,2,"Ive been where you are... hope you have friends and family around you, because that really helps and if not I hope you find some comfort in talking on here. The fact you've opened up on here already is a great sign! ",0.9243,positive,consoling 1684,depressed,I hate you depression.,speaker,3,"Thank you. I have a few close friends I talk to but not really any family I have a very rocky relationship with my mother so that sucks. It's hard for me to open up i feel like everyone has their problems and i don't want to push my problems on to anybody else. I am bi-polar so one day I will feel like I'm on top of the world and have so many things I want to accomplish and then a day, a week,or a month i will just sink into a depressive state and feel like a rock and will hit me out of nowhere. Lately I've been ok but who knows how long that will last...",0.6808,positive,lonely 1685,depressed,I'm lonely and confused,speaker,1,"Hi so I've never really done this before. At the minute I'm feeling a mixture of things I just got fired from my job last week. Now I'm left crying everyday and it isn't really about the job because I've had a lot of Prospects since then I just think I'm a failure in general and every little remark my boyfriend makes that's slightly negative really gets to me and makes me really upset and he thinks I'm just being crazy. He reinforces the thoughts in my mind that I am just crazy and deserve to be in a mental home or something. I really don't know what to do and this is my last option I have thought about suicide in the past and it does because my mind occasionally now I can't afford professional help and the doctor's waiting list is months please is there anyone that can help at all I'm just ruining everything. Also I have tried to get help, as I've been anxious and depressed for around 4 years roughly. I've been to the doctors, I've downloaded apps, I've called help lines and gone online too and nothing seems to be long term help. I thoivh someone on here might have or be experiencing something similar and that might make me feel better. I'm just at the end of the road now...",-0.9473,negative,sad 1685,depressed,I'm lonely and confused,listener_1,2,"I wanted to survive, even if it meant I had to be a basic person, nobody special, satisfying physical needs.",0.6908,positive,content 1685,depressed,I'm lonely and confused,speaker,3,How are you now? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1685,depressed,I'm lonely and confused,listener_1,4,"My attitude is negative if judged by normies (neurotypicals), and I might even be seen as 'bad', but I focus on healthy satisfaction. Permanent anhedonia means my 'vibe' turns others off; just have to start talking for normies to shutdown and evade. I focus on ""basics"" because 'big ideas' are usually a gateway to psychotic/manic episodes.",0.5859,positive,ashamed 1686,depressed,There's something about watching birds when you're depressed...,speaker,1,Although Birdsong is usually male birds full of testosterone trying to get laid,0.0,neutral,surprised 1686,depressed,There's something about watching birds when you're depressed...,listener_1,2,"You might hear the birds singing flying around, you never see them too long on the ground",0.0,neutral,surprised 1686,depressed,There's something about watching birds when you're depressed...,speaker,3,Go to the woods man. Robins etc hopping along on the ground,0.0,neutral,afraid 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,speaker,1,Not surprising though...I don’t matter anyway. ,-0.1813,negative,acknowledging 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,listener_1,2,"You do matter, trust me! Everyone matters, everyone has a place in this world, you may have to try harder than most but you deserve to live!",0.428,positive,faithful 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,speaker,3,Trying everyday but everyday it’s...hard To try when you’re in a world that you don’t wanna be in ,0.0,neutral,neutral 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,speaker,4,It’s exhausting isn’t it,-0.3612,negative,acknowledging 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,listener_1,5,I fully understand and struggle with it myself. My health sucks and I am attached to an oxygen hose 24/7. Be thankful you can leave and go where you want to. I hope life improves for you and you find the will to be here.,0.6637,positive,agreeing 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,listener_2,6,"I am actually married with a daughter, other than her I don't have much motivation to keep going.",-0.2584,negative,content 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,speaker,7,Sorry to hear that. I really don’t have much going but the simple fact that if I kill myself it’ll be a domino effect ,-0.8271,negative,sympathizing 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,speaker,8,I’m so sorry to hear that :( honestly I don’t go anywhere never could as a kid now that I’m an adult I’ve gotten used to being isolated that it’s comforting in a painful way. ,-0.4576,negative,sympathizing 1687,depressed,Everyday I want to die and everyone keeps ignoring me,listener_3,9,Yep...,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,speaker,1,"When I was 15 I ended up having sex with this guy while out drinking with my friends . It was Halloween night and most of my school were there (he’s one year above me in school so he was 16/17). A good few hours in and I was pretty wasted after drinking cans and a naggin of vodka. I realized that I hadn’t seen the friend that I came with in ages so I went around asking people had they seen her. Next thing I was in a crowd of people standing on front of the guy asking him “have you seen blahblah anywhere I can’t find her”. I remember he just kept trying to kiss me and I kept turning away and pushing that I needed to leave and go find my friend but I couldn’t because at this point he had both my wrists and wasn’t letting me go anywhere. Eventually I just went in for one thinking if I gave him what he wanted he’d let me go but after we “made out” or whatever he told me that he actually did know where said friend was and that he’d show me. Still drunk I put my full trust in the fact he magically remembered he knew the exact location of my friend and I happily got dragged along into a forestry area (we were all drinking by a pier/river place, safe ik). I even still remember hearing shouting and turning around to see his friends cheering him on, later on I found out he was part of a group of lads that arrived later in the night and was going to stay out late meaning he hadn’t started to drink yet as where I met him was the gates into the place. He had to help me walk through the forestry because I kept falling over. The next part is kind of a blur tbh I think I’ve blocked most of it out of my mind but one of the times I fell, instead of helping me up, he held me down and took off most of my clothes. At that point I felt so sick and dizzy from drinking too much that I just lay there and did nothing. It didn’t actually click where I was and what he was doing until he was doing it and that’s when I started to tell him to stop. I told him it hurt and when I started to cry he just got me up and put me on top so he could bury my head in his shoulder to make me be quiet. When he was done with that he shoved me onto the ground and forced me to give him oral sex by hitting me into the side of my head until I opened my mouth. Then he just put back on his clothes and left me naked on the ground in the middle of the forest. Another boy found me, got me dressed and took me back to my friend. I just told her that I had sex with the guy and I cried walking home to her house, I kept saying it was because I was worried I was pregnant. It’s been two years since this happened and it’s only starting to get to me now and I’ve started to have really bad nightmares about being raped (by him and by others). I’m with by boyfriend nearly a year now and he knows about the nightmares and about the fact I had sex with him when I was drunk so it wasn’t exactly consensual but I don’t think he knows how bad this is effecting me and I’m afraid if I tell him he’ll think I’m just overreacting. I don’t understand why it’s only hitting me now, after it happened it was always a joke between me and my friends and the boys in school would slag me and it was fine but now every time I see him in the hallways in school I go into panic mode. Some morning I physically get sick just thinking about going into school and many evenings where I come home I have multiple panic attacks knowing I have to do it all again tomorrow. I just don’t know if I’m overthinking this whole situation or if it’s my fault in the first place for being so drunk I really don’t know. I’m sorry this is so long but this is the first time I’ve ever even typed it out or even seen it in words. Any advice or opinions or anything are welcome I’m just kinda lost atm. Idk if this belongs here I also have it on another subreddit but the more I think about it i only started to have trust issues, anxiety and depressive episodes after it happened even though I never ever linked them to this. Could this subconsciously be what’s causing me to block everyone out? I’d love to talk to someone who could tell me what’s going on inside in my head. ",-0.9656,negative,guilty 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,listener_1,2,NO! First I am sorry that ever happened to you. But you cannot let your mind blame yourself. I suggest telling your boyfriend. It's good to talk to people and I'm sure he will understand. I would also stop drinking (it might bring the memories back) and maybe talk with your parents. best of luck,0.916,positive,sympathizing 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,speaker,3,Thank you sm 💕 I don’t drink with friends anymore I do with family but I haven’t gone out on a night like that since ,0.8271,positive,grateful 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,speaker,4,Thank you :(💕,0.5994,positive,sympathizing 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,listener_1,5,Hey of course :) I know it’s weird but I’m a dude and I’ve been sexually assaulted (I know it doesn’t happen to dudes much) but your not alone. Never blame yourself and stay strong. If you ever need to talk there are people here for you ,0.118,positive,agreeing 1688,depressed,Was it my fault?,speaker,6,Thank you so much honestly this means the world x ,0.6983,positive,acknowledging 1689,depressed,My school,speaker,1,"We all hate school, don’t we? My school is terrible. Always in my 3rd period class is where I hate my school. Of course I hate all classes because people don’t like me, but my 3rd period is something else. When I say a Activity or hobby I like to do, I get judged. People think I’m a weird person or I never do any work. I try but my depression doesn’t help my motivation at all. I wish that people would think I’m cool or that I could have good friends. Of course I’m happy for the friends I have but..if other people could actually like me for me and not this fake smile I put on, would be nice. ",0.9839,positive,annoyed 1689,depressed,My school,listener_1,2,"Well, there isn't much more that I can say other than, that fucking sucks bro. I've experienced stuff similar stuff. What are your hobbies though? Also, I don't really have friends, and my depression doesn't help motivate me either. And I'm sure that you have more people that enjoy your company than you think.",-0.7033,negative,questioning 1689,depressed,My school,speaker,3,"I like to draw, sing, and play video games. Most people don’t really under most of the things I draw or do. I hope things get better for you to.",0.8658,positive,grateful 1689,depressed,My school,listener_1,4,"I'm in my schools choir as well, and get judged constantly for it, but the people in my class all support each other. And I hope that you find friends to talk to and if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here which sounds weird but yah offer stands.",0.9011,positive,faithful 1690,depressed,"I got involved in a Hit-and-Run and my best friend got injured, i feel the worst.",speaker,1,"Just like the title says, my best friend was with me, just after the impact my friend got out and I left him there not knowing he got injured. Found out a day later he was at the hospital in critical condition. I couldn’t visit him because I was ashamed with his family members I mean how could I face them? I’ve caused great damage not only to himself but to his family. I learned he got discharged from the hospital a couple days later but I have not talked to him and he hasn’t tried to reach me, it’s understandable. I will never forgive myself for endangering his life, I think i just lost my best friend. I feel miserable, I cannot eat, I cannot laugh, I cannot enjoy anything, I’m a piece of sh*t. It is the worst feeling ever, not sure if I will ever be the same. PS. I already admitted my guilt and will be facing any legal punishment.",-0.9176,negative,ashamed 1690,depressed,"I got involved in a Hit-and-Run and my best friend got injured, i feel the worst.",listener_1,2,"We all make mistakes especially in traumatic situations such as a vehicle accident. It can be such a traumatic experience that we don’t know how to react properly in the moment. I’m glad that your friend recovered and is doing better. It’s clear that you weren’t aware how bad they’re injury was at the time, and I’m sure that if you were you wouldn’t have reacted the way you did. The fact that you’re owning up to everything and have remorse speaks volumes. It might take some time for your friend to forgive you but I hope that you find a way to forgive yourself. ",0.4957,positive,neutral 1690,depressed,"I got involved in a Hit-and-Run and my best friend got injured, i feel the worst.",speaker,3,"Thank you, so grateful for your advise.",0.6997,positive,grateful 1690,depressed,"I got involved in a Hit-and-Run and my best friend got injured, i feel the worst.",speaker,4,"Thanks, a letter did cross my mind.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,speaker,1,I have ptsd. I've been okay for awhile except this week. I left a decent job for a better job and lost it cause im mentally and physically unreliable. I was mean to my kid I just am a loser in general and now on suicide watch under my husband. I need some distraction.,-0.8402,negative,ashamed 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,listener_1,2,The picture you posted earlier today of your pets made me smile. Thank you for that? What kind of games are you looking for? ,0.6553,positive,questioning 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,speaker,3,Anything not GOT related!,0.0,neutral,faithful 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,listener_1,4,"Let's narrow this down to a Genre: Are you looking for video games? Board games? Card games? If you're okay with video games and have a Steam account, I'll gladly buy you a copy of ""Life is Strange"" - It's super on sale right now, and it's one of my favorite games of all time. Bits of it are pretty emotional, though, so I'll let you be the judge over whether it would be okay for you under current circumstances.",0.9397,positive,trusting 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,listener_2,5,oof. Are yall going to counseling for that?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1691,depressed,I deleted all social media after I had a relapse in craziness this week any games or stuff to do to stay distracted from being suicidal?,listener_3,6,"Internet high five for hating exercise o/ Saw you found the sims, which is great. If you're into life sim games and also farming try stardew valley, or if you prefer building My Time At Portia is nice. If you think you'd be into a difficult survival game try Don't Starve. I'm not joking about it being difficult tho. Subnautica is a great spooky survival game with a great story and building elements. Or you could build a dinosaur zoo with jurassic park evolution.",0.8604,positive,proud 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,1,"I really just want someone to talk to. Someone whos willing to open up to me about their issues. I’ve come to terms with my situation. I’m unable to take antidepressants or antipsychotics, and hallucinogenics like marijuana just make everything louder and scarier. I just want to feel some sense of purpose. If anyone just wants to let out all of their emotions on me, please do. There’s nothing that makes me happier than seeing others recover their happiness. Don’t feel obligated, but feel welcome. I wish all of you well",0.948,positive,trusting 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,listener_1,2,I feel kind of selfish but ummmm ehhhh can i talk? It’s okay if you don’t want to listen I just thought I should give it a shot lol,0.649,positive,suggesting 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,3,I’d love to talk. Pm me?,0.6369,positive,questioning 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,4,"I’d love to talk. Sorry i didnt get back to you sooner, my lazy ass fell asleep 😁",0.2263,positive,sympathizing 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,listener_2,5,Don’t worry about it. Here on the internet you never know which time zone someone is from,-0.4404,negative,questioning 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,6,"Fair. Pm me any time you want, i’ll be able to talk for 40 minutes or so right now if you want",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,listener_2,7,Sorry I’m in class rn and should really be focusing. But would love to talk later.,0.7684,positive,sympathizing 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,8,Definitely,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,9,Id be more than happy to talk,0.6096,positive,acknowledging 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,speaker,10,"I guess came to terms with might not be the best way of phrasing it lol. Ive essentially lost hope in recovering. Even if somehow they develop drugs for alleviating things like schizophrenia that i react well too, the gray cloud of the countless friends ive lost to suicide will always loom over me. Its not something i can ever change, but perhaps i can help others before they become the lost friends of another. Its all i really have any motivation of doing anymore",0.8299,positive,sad 1692,depressed,Dear r/depressed,listener_3,11,"How can you help others recover from depression when you’ve given up hope for recovery? I’m sorry to hear that you’ve lost so many friends to suicide. That’s horrible. Losing a single person is hard enough, but multiple people. That is just..... Is that fair to you? To let yourself be someone who listens to others problems and never gets any help for themselves? How can you comfort or support someone, a friend or online stranger, when you’ve given up hope? I get it, the bleak hopelessness of wondering what is the POINT of anything and everything and genuinely wishing that you weren’t born or worse that you never existed. To give up for a moment, or a day, months and years on end. But you have to help yourself before you can truly meaningfully help others. Otherwise it’s a self sacrificing martyrdom that serves to help people and who knows if it’s solid help or you’re just providing them comfort without pulling them out of the depression. Is there anything other than drugs and medications that you’ve explored? I feel like depression and suicide have become an exponentially increasing problem and there are so many unknown causes/stressors. But this means there are solutions out there we just haven’t discovered yet, or have the capacity to understand. It is in no way my place to tell you what to do or feel and I have no right but I really hope you find your way out of this fog. It made me a bit sad to read that you gave up so I guess I’m saying, don’t give up on recovery. Struggle in whatever way you can. Don’t give up. Read this, think of it what you will. But don’t give up. Look outside your window. Find a tree, find the sea. Listen to nature. Do something good for you as a human being. Set a goal. Plan. Try and keep trying. Achieve it. And continue helping people :) ",0.8249,positive,questioning 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,speaker,1,"Hi, I can't even write properly i am not even in the right mindset right now but I'll try. So im 17f..a worthless human being on earth. I suffer from depression every other month. My depression has reasons. But first the cycle is like this...one second I'll be okay the next I'll be happy the next will be extremely depressed where I'm at the point of killing myself. This happens every day in a period of 24 hours. Anyways I will not go in detail about how every part of my life is messed up but I'll mention one thing I'd really like to improve atleast to get myself together. That is my social abilities. But, the main reason I'm extremely socially awkward and extremely sensitive from years I think is the fact that there is this constant voice in my head making up embarrassing scenarios and literally talking back to me. Now to explain this, I have one voice that is ME that's writing this post. The other voice is at the back of my head constantly speaking in second person. ""Oh shes writing the post"" etc...now right now I don't hear it but in social situations it constantly makes up extremely awkward scenarios that I can't describe. I think of things that no one thinks of. This voice started a few months ago...I'm not sure because my mind is really effed up. Like I know it's my own intellectual voice but it feels like a second part of my already depressed brain that is killing me inside and I feel like I'll eventually kill myself. My life is upside down, I can't socialise well because every day i wake up for school this voice tells me it'll be horrible, you'll be ignored by people,they think you are an attention seeking loner, you actually don't have many Friends and they don't care about you and yeah that's what it actually is. I am a fucking loner. I have three close Friends and some substantial acquaintances and friends at school i know my close friends love me and this is what my REAL intellect tells me. But everytime we hang out and even if someone cracks a joke on me I feel extremely bullied and feel like a piece of shit.[ Eg: my close guy friend was making fun of my username and yeah i laughed along so did he but when I was like yoooo stfu he was like yooo wut! Wut!! *Bullying style*] it's not unusual because we bully each other jokingly everytime but I took it personally today and he was like yk? I just nodded and laughed . I want to be confident, i want to have friends .Nothing works. The voice keeps bitchsquealing inside me. Even when I pass by somebody I can't even make eye contact because I'll think up something fucking irrelevant. I do have one quality and that's being funny, that's what my friends and close friends love about me but I feel like it keeps me away from reality like. It's not helping me become more confident and comfortable around people but it's just making me seem like an unwanted loser. The feeling I get when I'm around people being funny is horrible and kills me inside. They'll think of me as an 'innocent cutie' that's what they say actually but my funny side brings a completely different me. I know this is not me....i do know I am funny but I picture myself waaayyy stronger personality wise. But i cant do that because of years if fucking emotional abuse and depression:').. I can't get therapy because my parents aren't supportive, all they gave me was torture. As much as I'm close to killing myself and need help I know I can't get therapy in any way. All I can do here is ask for some social tips atleast to get my social life better ATLEAST. I need friends, I picture myself as an extrovert which can have so many friends, I know I can be that but I can't...oh god. Please help",0.9831,positive,sad 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,listener_1,2,"I wish i could give you tips for social skills but im not too great at it myself. One pretty foolproof way of improving is probably talking to people. Im happy to talk if you want, even if im just a place to vent. Ive lost all hope in helping myself but if i could at least take some weight off of your shoulders id be happy to. I’ll probably be up for another 40 minutes or so ",0.9752,positive,trusting 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,speaker,3,"Awww thankyou. Yeah you’re right the more I talk to people the more comfortable I get. And I hope things get better for you, keep fighting!",0.855,positive,consoling 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,speaker,4,You won’t beleive how fucking good it feels to know you’re not alone thanks,0.3668,positive,trusting 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,listener_2,5,"Thank you! It’s the least I could have done. There are so many out there who feel just like us, we might be lonely, but just remember that there are so many others just like us. ",0.6476,positive,grateful 1693,depressed,Voices inside my head,listener_1,6,"Thanks, you too!",0.4926,positive,agreeing 1694,depressed,Update on my depressed life I guess?,speaker,1,"So what happened is that me and my brother were fighting again. He basically agreed that I was a wadtebof space and that he wished he didn't have me as a sister. He's been an ass all night. Throwing shit, screaming, and basically making fun of me. In retaliation I put a shit ton of garlic salt into his spaghetti. He's banging on my door and I fought him because he wouldn't leave me alone. I cut again. I was angry at myself and the voice told me that I deserved it. It keeps telling me 'don't eat' 'it'll make you fat' sometimes I'll listen. My dad apparently thinks people with depression and anxiety over exaggerate and I think my mom agrees. My brother thinks I'm lying about it. I did bring my grade in algebra up a bit. My dad was proud. So was everyone else. The cuts on my leg have now bled through my pants (they're back pants) and are still bleeding I think. My mom has atleast not been drinking for awhile. So that's good. I want to cry, but I won't. I'm losing my sanity, and my confidence for, anything. I'm still falling deeper and deeper into the pit of sadness. All I do is hide it. No one knows what I've done to myself. I keep thinking about suicide. I keep wanting to die. It just, it's all to much. Thanks for reading anyways if you do. Have a nice day/afternoon/night. ",-0.9468,negative,angry 1694,depressed,Update on my depressed life I guess?,listener_1,2,Please talk to a school counselor if your parents won't listen,0.3182,positive,terrified 1694,depressed,Update on my depressed life I guess?,listener_2,3,"If you are cutting yourself and your parents are really unwilling to help you, then this is definitely the best option.",0.8542,positive,agreeing 1694,depressed,Update on my depressed life I guess?,speaker,4,"Ok. I might do that. I do have online friends though also, but then I feel like they'll think I want attention. Because they all have their own problems. (Its a supportive amino for depression or other problems)",-0.6808,negative,suggesting 1695,depressed,I’m sitting here crying my eyes out on a Monday night after drinking a bunch alone and looking at old photos of when I used to be happy.,speaker,1,Anybody else been here?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1695,depressed,I’m sitting here crying my eyes out on a Monday night after drinking a bunch alone and looking at old photos of when I used to be happy.,listener_1,2,"Ive always hated photos of myself but ive certainly reminisced. And maybe cried. *maybe*. Im here if you wanna talk or vent, just pm me and im happy to listen",0.6956,positive,suggesting 1695,depressed,I’m sitting here crying my eyes out on a Monday night after drinking a bunch alone and looking at old photos of when I used to be happy.,speaker,3,Wife and I divorced and I feel very alone. It’s weird cause we still live together because we can’t exactly just sell our home in our current situation.,-0.5034,negative,lonely 1695,depressed,I’m sitting here crying my eyes out on a Monday night after drinking a bunch alone and looking at old photos of when I used to be happy.,listener_2,4,Yikes. I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any friends or family near by? ,0.4215,positive,questioning 1696,depressed,On the brink of collapse,speaker,1,"Im 14/m I posted here a while ago, and things have not gotten better. I just got informed that my mother and step dad are getting a divorce. And this is all getting too much, at this point im just overwhelmed with emotions, is there anyrhing i can do to cope ? I didnt know where else to go, please help ",0.4203,positive,devastated 1696,depressed,On the brink of collapse,listener_1,2,"Speak with your parents. They need to make an appointment for you to see a therapist. While the divorce itself has nothing to do with you, how it affects you should be their number one priority. Right now therapy is your best option for learning how to cope and getting all your feelings out. ",0.6705,positive,sad 1696,depressed,On the brink of collapse,speaker,3,Thx ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,speaker,1,"I just feel so worthless. Even when I'm clean, so why not stay high. Why am I not good at anything? Can i ever get a compliment that isn't sexual? Am I not more than a body? What the fuck? Why do I even exist when i never asked to? What the fuck! I just don't understand why i haven't died yet? I've never done anything to prevent it? I hate life so much. Why doesn't anyone think of me as the best? Even though i know I'm not the best, though, so why would i expect anyone else to think different? I just wish that when i was on dope i would've nodded off into permanent peace. Why haven't i? I hate myslef and I can't go on acting like I don't! I'm so tired of fishing for compliments instead of just receiving them... I just really wish I wasn't too pussy to kill myself. ",-0.4187,negative,angry 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,listener_1,2,"I can't answer any of your questions exactly but I want to say that you seem cool. I like your questions, how you put them all together. It's all very sad and dark, but nice and pretty, have you explored writing as a way to maybe feel less worthless? or poetry or something? I've felt pretty much like you are describing here, asked similar questions. I never got really great answers, still working on them. I feel like I've learned a lot and still feel pretty angry and anxious about the next horizon of understanding the world, and understanding me, and understanding what torments me. Lots of things torment me. But also, the really bad times when I felt really so super awful shitty -- they come and go regardless of whether I'm answering my questions or whether I'm still confused. I try to remind myself of that. The really ill feelings of hating myself and life, for me at least, cycle somewhat. So each time a less-awful span of time comes around, I try to check in on *maybe* what is making things suck a little less than usual, big MAYBE, and I try to catch that breeze in my sail in any creative imaginative way that I can. I'm not doing perfect at it, but I think it's working. Do you have someone to talk to? Chat me if you want. I don't flinch. ",-0.9369,negative,questioning 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,speaker,3,"Awe thank you. Haha, you're right about me being pretty cool 😂 I do journal and that's actually ine of my entries from today. And no i really don't have anyone to talk to that would understand at all. The ones who would I can't talk to because I fear it'll make them hurt too, and I stopped hurting others years ago. I used to steal a lot and do shit like that, but one day i realized i can hurt myself(by using at the time) without hurting others(purposely, I can't control their emotions and how they feel about my hurting myself, but I can control whether or not I steal or lie. So now I'm honest and what not. ",0.1592,positive,ashamed 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,speaker,4,"Yeah, when I'm not in my depressed mindset, I try to remember that everything in the universe is exactlt perfect the way it is. But it's super hard to think that way sometimes. ",0.8608,positive,content 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,listener_1,5,"well that's very good, and speaks very highly of you, that you would make changes in your life to stop hurting others all the while feeling like shit about yourself. You know, shitty worthless people don't do stuff like that, they don't bother, so that's some pretty big evidence you are not actually worthless :) somehow hopefully you can find a friend strong enough to hear some of this stuff. Personally, when I went through an extremely dark period that was years long, I pretty much left/lost all my friends who themselves don't experience depression. So now I'm not in such a dark place, but I still have the social life I/that developed during my depression and it's actually really nice: just half a dozen friends or so that I hang out with on a one-on-one basis and strangely none of them hangs out with each other. I can talk to all them, to one extent or another, about how I'm feeling regarding depression. So, I have a random assortment of friends, but no scene; IDK, it suits me really well and I think discovering that that is a great way for me to arrange my social life was instrumental in helping me stop being so profoundly depressed. It sounds pretty nerdy but social anxiety is definitely a part of my whole picture, so figuring that out and then figuring I needed to mold my social world so that it suits me, that was a big learning thing. Even if you do find a friend you can talk to about dark shit, consider experimenting with talk therapy but especially if you can't find a friend strong enough to listen to this, then definitely try to experiment with talk therapy. It's so expensive though, so I always feel weird suggesting that to people, but maybe you have the money or maybe you have access through a school or some other way. Anyway, I wish you well! ",0.977,positive,acknowledging 1697,depressed,I'm nothing but a junky and a whore.,listener_2,6,Understood.,0.0,neutral,impressed 1698,depressed,My Cousin Forced Me To Touch Him When I Was Younger,speaker,1,"This just recently came to thought, it is a really foggy memory so I don't know if it's just my messed up depressed mind... My dad, sister, and I would always visit our family for a couple days on the weekends every month or so because we lived 2 hours away from them, but I really foggily remember my cousin telling me he had something to show me, and he coaxed me into the upstairs bathroom with his brother, he told me to touch him after he pulled his pants down. So I did, and I am bothered by a couple things... I don't know if this actually happened because it's such a goddamn fuzzy memory, I can't tell if this happened or if it was my messed up mind, but I have had this memory sitting in the back of my mind for like ever and I just really thought about how weird it is... It's like it's always been there, building up cobwebs because I had not visited thst memory at all. I can't do anything either if this really did happen, I am 13 now and its been years since this happened, I guess I wouldn't be able to do anything either way, I don't want to ruin my family's image of me, or my cousins image for them. I have an aunt, she is just a year older than me somehow, my grandpa had her super late I guess? The only thing that made me think this could actually be real is that my aunt told me that he had been kicked out because my grandpa caught him ontop of her trying to to stuff... This is really driving me crazy, could any of you give me your thoughts? I need it right now.",-0.1607,negative,apprehensive 1698,depressed,My Cousin Forced Me To Touch Him When I Was Younger,listener_1,2,I genuinely have no words to say. Like no advice. No ideas. But I am going to wish you the best. And I hope at least that helps.,0.9558,positive,wishing 1698,depressed,My Cousin Forced Me To Touch Him When I Was Younger,speaker,3,"Thanks for the support anyway, I just needed to get it off my chest ❤",0.8689,positive,acknowledging 1698,depressed,My Cousin Forced Me To Touch Him When I Was Younger,speaker,4,"Thank you, I think I will talk to her when I'm visiting her in the summer. Have a good day/night ❤❤",0.93,positive,wishing 1698,depressed,My Cousin Forced Me To Touch Him When I Was Younger,listener_2,5,No worries. Anything to put your mind at ease! ❤️🧡,0.8528,positive,content 1699,depressed,What helps me,speaker,1,"Being nice. Being nice to people helps me feel better. I feel happy seeing others smile, and appreciated. What’s everyone’s thing that helps them through the day?",0.969,positive,content 1699,depressed,What helps me,listener_1,2,Playing games making jokes that offensive that no one will take seriously helping other and being the 4 it and being understanding funny moments with 1 friend i play with everyday and getting gift that i wanted 4 awhile cuz i dont get much stuff than everyone else,0.8591,positive,jealous 1699,depressed,What helps me,speaker,3,"Glad you have a lot of things. If you play paladins or especially team fortress 2, I’m up to play with you. Just know I’m transgender and my name says so.",0.7783,positive,grateful 1700,depressed,Yesterday I was just a sober junky.,speaker,1,"Today, I'm a single, pregnant, depressed, sober junky with no idea who the dad is because i was prostituting 2 months ago. No place of my own. 5 Felonies. Don't have a car, licence, or anything at all except a minimum wage job and Hep C. What the fuck did i get myself into? I am not aborting either. Im okay with those but can't do it myself. Oh my fucking god! What the hell man!",-0.9061,negative,devastated 1700,depressed,Yesterday I was just a sober junky.,listener_1,2,"Your next best option is going to be putting it up for adoption. You have a lot of stress on you already, you aren't equipped to raise a child right now. You can try for an open adoption so you can have the ability to still be a part of the child's life, but the stress of being its sole care giver could cause you to relapse and/or aggravate your hepC.",0.0772,positive,apprehensive 1700,depressed,Yesterday I was just a sober junky.,speaker,3,Yeah. Thats what i was thinking of doing. It'd be so hard to though 😞 but i know that's what's best.,0.7111,positive,agreeing 1700,depressed,Yesterday I was just a sober junky.,listener_2,4,"My fiance did it, it is hard but he absolutely made the right choice. She is a bright young girl with a world of opportuntities at her finger tips. Its the selfless thing to do for a child and for a family who want children.*ehugs* Doing the right thing is never easy x, lots of love. Stay strong. ",0.9223,positive,wishing 1701,depressed,I put my dog down recently and I feel like I keep seeing him.,speaker,1,"I'm really not sure where to post anymore because people can be so mean, but I just really really miss my dog. I know I'm suffering temporary depression and I'm sure so many of you are battling something way more difficult. But this is just sucking the life outta me.",-0.9514,negative,sad 1701,depressed,I put my dog down recently and I feel like I keep seeing him.,listener_1,2,"Your feelings are real and valid. You're hurting because you've lost a family member, and what's more your brain is playing tricks on you, because it's so used to seeing your pet's patterns that it keeps wanting to see them. You're not going crazy or anything if you keep 'seeing' him. It'll take a little while for your mind to process that he's gone and stop attributing little common sounds and shadows to him. As for the actual depression, it's so hard to lose a pet. They're so close to your heart, because they are so easy to love. But a dog wouldn't want you to feel grief over it. They want you to stay energetic and keep going. ",0.0668,positive,agreeing 1701,depressed,I put my dog down recently and I feel like I keep seeing him.,speaker,3,Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. It's been a really difficult month and its hard to feel like I'm not crazy.,0.6644,positive,grateful 1702,depressed,Haha am I depressed lol,speaker,1,"I’m not even entirely sure I am going to post this. I am just under the vain hope that if I talk out all my problems my brain will understand them and go away. But that’s not gonna happen huh. Cause my big ol fucking brain thinks too much. I wanna get away from it sometimes. I just can’t stop thinking...and I want to. Can’t stop thinking about anything. Can’t even stop myself from thinking about fucked up shit. It started when my brain got bored or fucking something I don’t fucking know, and it started just coming up with scenarios. About anything. Some of them are fun. I’ve even written some down because I think they would be an entertaining character in a book. A side character. That’s all they’d be. But some of them aren’t fun. And all of a sudden, I couldn’t stop my brain from thinking about them. It’s become debilitating. I zone out thinking about shit and can’t stop. It’s affected my school. I like to think it’s light years behind me but it’s right fucking here, right now. The scenarios, that is. Now I’m in denial of school. Anyway these scenarios. They got worse. I can’t stop myself from thinking these terrible, frightening things. They scare me. Just the other day my mom wondered where my 17yo and 13yo brother went and I immediately envisioned them hiding in our room, and 13 was sucking his dick and I was like what the fuck brain why would you think that and why can’t I stop thinking about these they scare me so much is there something wrong with me why can’t I just fucking stop them and make them go awayy will they always be with me? Will they never leave? They haven’t left yet let me tell you. I’ve been stuck thinking about this shit for a long time. So naturally I turned to porn. For a long time. I got really into it too. I was into pretty hardcore shit. Sometimes I would finish and just wonder what I had found and fapped too, and I would try to cry but I felt so much nothing that I couldn’t. I would just sit there dumbly and stare dumbly. Thick brain trying to work through feeling something and wondering why I couldn’t. Got to the point of feeling nothing where I could bury the layer that said this was all for the best. Now I’m trying to rehabilitate and it’s fucking awful. I think I have too much shit to deal with. Like hating myself and my past shit. I’m seeing a therapist, god I hope soon. But idk. Fuck I’m tired. Almost wish I wanted to kill myself again, so I wouldn’t have to keep feeling this. My brother has it right he just shed off all these feelings things. But sometimes I wonder if he is emotionally underdeveloped. How funny would that be. My heart hurts. I like Radiohead. Only band that’s ever sound truly depressed to me. You take some talentless fag like XXXTentacion who isn’t even closed to depressed and you wonder why the fuck every single white girl under the sun loves him. He’s like an ice cream. Looks great but when you stare at it too long it melts. Did i make it melt? Did I kill it? Hah, maybe. Wouldn’t put past myself. Poor ice cream. I didn’t mean too. I hear Thomas yorke wrote a soundtrack for a movie recently and it was pretty dope. Might check it out. God I wonder why I always have anxiety about talking to my friend. Even writing about this is making me depressed. I feel like Holden from Catcher in the Rye, everything upsets him. I’m probably going to upload this just for the fuck of it. The funny part is, I tried to care, but I really just don’t. Can’t. Won’t? Hah. Sometimes I wonder about the people so vividly entertained by anything. Now all I can think about is blade runner lol. That world speaks to me. The movie doesn’t show much of it but god damn does your imagination run off with it. I feel like that world is just so perfect. I like how organized it feels. So powerful. I like the idea of something controlling your every move and thought. And then I go around and actively despise advertisements and shit. It upsets me. Cause like yeah I’m good at calling out the bullshit in a commercial but what good does that do me? How can I be successful with that? Is that even my fucking calling? Is it not? I have so many things that could be my calling. This song playing sucks ass. Worst song of the record. Maybe moms right, and I do hold too high of expectations for myself. Maybe I don’t have to be a music reviewer just yet. But I really WANT TO BE. That’s something isn’t it? It’s a lot of work though. Kind of. Not really, actually. I don’t know why I don’t write more but the thought of it detests me. But then I actually write something and I’m kind of almost fucking proud of it and I wonder why I don’t write more, and then the whole cycle starts back up. Story of my life. I’m just broken up and trapped in a couple dozen different feedback loops of everything I love and enjoy and enjoy doing. Is this poetic? God it would be funny if it was lol. I really need to go to my friend. It’s his birthday and his life sucks and I need to be there for him but god fucking damn am I tired. Why. Not why am I, why do I have to be? Heh, I wonder if anybody is going to respond to this post. Or if it will just forever remain untouched, and my anonymity will continue to be totally granted. I’m going to open up my phone tomorrow and see that one message in my inbox and be so excited and think “did someone actually respond?” And it won’t be. It’ll just be some lame ass response from an unfunny comment I made on r/greentext. Am I even talented? Will I be able to spread these talents? Will I be able to do anything? Well fuck if some random stranger off the internet will know lmao",-0.9904,negative,apprehensive 1702,depressed,Haha am I depressed lol,speaker,2,Oh and the funny thing about me turning to porn is that it just made me better at envisioning my families nude bodies when I did something fucked up.,0.1027,positive,neutral 1702,depressed,Haha am I depressed lol,speaker,3,"Wow...someone actually replied. No I don’t unfortunately, but I do have an Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat",-0.3182,negative,surprised 1702,depressed,Haha am I depressed lol,listener_1,4,"well just an fyi tumblr is a great place to vent/rant and sadpost, and yea I feel it dude, I try hard to make friends online and find people to make me feel less alone but usually nobody gives a shit lmao. if you want to message me on twitter I'm @erydayhustlin, and if you decide to get a tumblr look up Imageoflife314.",0.7092,positive,lonely 1702,depressed,Haha am I depressed lol,speaker,5,Thanks man...maybe I will,0.4404,positive,suggesting 1703,depressed,Some basic rules I catched up during my stuggling.,speaker,1,"1) SHORT TIME anxiety is not an enemy. It is a body sign that something is not alright. It is quite common. 2) If someone (driver, vendor, seller, nurse, doctor) is impolite or rude to you, it is not allways your fault. Maybe he or she have just a bad day. 3) If someone near you is giggling or whispering. It is not always directed to you, even if you made a eye contact with them. They could talk about your friend, schoolmate, workmate, abpout innocent incident or even about a complete different person and your mind is only applying it to yourself. 4) If you do not like yourself, you can not like others. Try to change yourself - the thing you dislike a can change or improve. Specify a small goal to yourself and try to complete it. &#x200B; I hope it could help someone.",0.5184,positive,annoyed 1703,depressed,Some basic rules I catched up during my stuggling.,listener_1,2,"Ive always been told that you can't like/love others if you dont like/love yourself but i just can't help but wonder about that... Ive really put alot of thought into too. To put it lightly, im not a fan of myself. Inside or out. But Ive met people before that i really did like. I liked being around them and missed them when they were gone. It wasnt just loneliness or just being desperate for contact that convinced me that i cared for them. I really do. I felt happy for them when they succeeded and being around them, i forget what a monster i am. I agree with everything else you listed, and i used to believe that you couldnt care about others if you didn't care for yourself. Maybe there are exceptions?",0.9062,positive,trusting 1703,depressed,Some basic rules I catched up during my stuggling.,listener_2,3,"I think the saying is more geared toward romantic than platonic love, and the idea is that you can't unselfishly love someone unless you are accepting of yourself first. A partner shouldn't be *obligated* to fill the holes in your personality or self esteem that you cannot fill yourself. It's bad for them and for you if you lean too much on another person to ""fix"" what is ""wrong"" with you.",-0.0527,negative,trusting 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,speaker,1,"Anyone else feel like no one actually likes you and people just tolerate you. idk sometimes in social situations i feel like im just *there* and i dont belong. i used to be pretty happy and confident, but now i feel more self critical than ever. im constantly doubting myself and i never feel like im good enough to be around people. like everytime i talk, i'll say something dumb or embarrassing and end up torturing myself thinking about it later so i just stopped talking altogether. Im horrendously awkward and never know what to do w myself around people. like ill even stress over how im standing djdkfnd. im constantly jealous of my best friend bc she makes it seem so easy. people literally gravitate towards her bc shes more interesting and fun. and again , im just *there.* sometimes i get so angry at her and i know i shouldnt bc its not her fault im like this. i would never direct my anger towards her, so ill just be stuck in this state of self-hatred and jealousy. Im tired of it and i want to be happy again but i dont know how anymore. Im turning 21 next month, which should be exciting and fun but im really dont think ill be in the mood to be around friends rn and celebrate. I could be surrounded by all the people that love me and still feel alone. ",0.9775,positive,embarrassed 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,listener_1,2,I can relate to some extent. The part where u feel ur not good enough to be around people. How everyone gets attracted to your best friend. Sigh. I am not in any good situation to advise others. But I am here if you wanna talk and want someone to listen. Treasure yourself.,0.7575,positive,caring 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,speaker,3,"ty for ur kind message <3 i honestly cried reading this bc i've felt less than my entire life. but its def hard not too especially when ur constantly not the prettiest, smartest, or most talented person in the room. maybe i should try to fake it more until i start to believe that im not just average, but then i'll feel like a fraud. &#x200B;",-0.8376,negative,neutral 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,listener_2,4,"Situationally speaking though, I don't have equality with professionals in their particular expertise and that relates to my level of power, which is important for reduction of stress.",-0.25,negative,jealous 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,speaker,5,"yeah ppl dont really invite me to things anymore cuz im so quiet and shy. i think they trying to be nice bc they already know i going to feel uncomfortable especially if its w ppl i dont know. but it still hurts to know that im not easy to be around. i consider myself to be a nice person, possibly even a bit funny if ppl get to know me, but they never really try..",0.0074,neutral,neutral 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,listener_3,6,"What's wrong with average? Average is good. You don't have to be the prettiest, smartest or most talented, there's no pressure, you also don't have to be the worst. Everyone's good at something. Most people are self-centered. Look around you. Everyone is WAY more preoccupied with themselves than with you. And everyone is insecure on some level. Remember that. ",0.8498,positive,jealous 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,listener_4,7,"Yea same, but maybe I could get to know you? See if I can crack out that funny side of you?",0.6381,positive,suggesting 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,speaker,8,the key word was POSSIBLY so dont expect comedic gold here but sure lol ,0.7086,positive,neutral 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,speaker,9,"no one seems to notice average people, but ty for the advice <3 ill keep it in mind next time im out",-0.2263,negative,neutral 1704,depressed,a sad gal ..,listener_4,10,Ahaha well if you want just pm me :P,0.6289,positive,acknowledging 1705,depressed,Fuck,speaker,1,"It has been a long time since I’ve been with a girl, I am brutally lonely and I feel like my friends don’t like me (i am drunk at the moment) I am seventeen highschool is hard as fuck and I don’t know what my future holds, my confidence is at an all time low, every day I put on a fake face// I have very romantic non sexual dreams of just star gazing with a significant other, and in real life my heart guides me down false paths, my dreams are gorgeous remind me so much of how I need some one to care about",0.9324,positive,lonely 1705,depressed,Fuck,listener_1,2,"Um.... Not to sound like more of a loser, I had my first gf at the age of 23. Not to my lack of trying. You seen to have a better understanding of life than I had back when I was 17. My advice is, try not to let it bother you so much. Right now focus on yourself, learn how to stand by yourself and everything else in your life will fall into place. Btw if you try and still feel like you can't get control over yourself, go straight to a therapist. I'm sure he'll have much much better advice for you than myself. Stay safe brother.",0.8014,positive,disappointed 1705,depressed,Fuck,speaker,3,"Thanks, I know I’ll figure it out, coming of age is vexing and daunting, for real tho I fantasize about being twelve years old again, no concerns, old friends, easy school and nobody has phones",0.5719,positive,confident 1705,depressed,Fuck,speaker,4,"Thanks, nice to know people r on the same boat",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 1705,depressed,Fuck,listener_1,5,"You will figure it out. I strongly believe that once we are happy with ourselves we'll start having more friends or even relationships. And everything will work out. Take up a hobby if you're interested, I used to walk a lot and take photographs. ",0.8977,positive,confident 1705,depressed,Fuck,speaker,6,Thanks man I will,0.4404,positive,grateful 1706,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore... I want help...,speaker,1,"This is gonna be a bullet about my mom... because I don't know anymore about her and I just feel like crying, and right now my brother and dad are on a trip for father and son time (My brother graduated college and my dad hasn't been back to hong kong since 1991, they deserve this trip) while I am suck here with this crap.. My mom is like this mostly... -OCD about cleaning -Blames me for every action my cat does (even if my cat just steps in the house and only stays in the kitchen). Like today, when my cat stepped in, she yelled at me and said ""CATS CONTAIN HIV"" and my cat already had all of its shots... and its a feral ""wild"" cat that is spayed. -Thinks she is right all the time, but isn't right because I have the real facts on my phone -She thinks if she likes something than will portray that I like it also, when I dont (Vis versa if she hates something too). For example, last year my dad and I burn wood when its REALLY cold outside, but she yells at us for burning it. Than this year she is burning the wood goddamn everyday -Says she wants to go back to Hong Kong -She doesn't work, she just wastes my dad's money everyday while my dad is working 3 jobs. -Bipolar as hell.. -Complains about allergies to my hamster or the weather (When she doesn't, or she's sick) -Complains about us forcing her cleaning the house. When NO ONE tells her to clean anything -Complains that she isn't getting paid. She doesn't want to get a job. -Never listens to anyone and cares for herself -Always looking through are stuff to sell things without our permission -Thinks that I am gonna move to Hong Kong with her when I plan to go to South Korea or Japan to study abroad -Thinks that my opinions are invalid to her -Complains she is tired all the time. She's home 100% of the day the only time she goes out is hair cut, shopping (For something that isn't food), and with friends -Doesn't cook food... only twice a month.. -Complains that she doesn't want to be with my people. When she gave birth to me. Hence, she is complaining about her kind of people, which doesn't make any sense. -I can't take her to a doctor because when she is with other people, she acts normal. And people says my mom is nice.. but they don't know deeply inside.. -Doesn't understand that I am treated differently than my brothers.. (Because I am a girl.. but I prefer to be Genderfluid meaning each day I feel like a different gender or neither) I just want a mom to be normal, understanding, caring, working hard... Is there anyone out there that can give advice..? I really don't know what to do.. i just want to cry...",-0.9609,negative,sad 1706,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore... I want help...,listener_1,2,"Firstly, You can cry, it helps. It helped me a lot when u was going through tough times, it was the times when I couldn't cry things were worse. Secondly, I wish I could help you but the truth is I don't have any better advice than let it go, and out grow this troubles. I know it's easier said than done. But I'm sure you'll one day reach there. Just remember not to give up when things get too hard. And see a therapist and talk to them, it could be really really helpful (cannot stress this enough, having someone as knowledgeable as a therapist telling you what's what is the best we could hope for)",0.9675,positive,neutral 1706,depressed,I dont know what to do anymore... I want help...,speaker,3,I already go out of therapy.. is that she doesn't see that I need it... so I try to go to my school therapy or talk to my close teacher about it when I need to..,0.0,neutral,trusting 1707,depressed,Soo... I think I made an oopsie,speaker,1,"Arite. So. I'm a 15 year old girl (whoop whoop hormones amirite?), I weigh approximately 108 lbs, and I am ""5'1. Hadn't ate all day. I took five ibuprofens, and I know it can't kill me, but now my kidneys hurt :D. Should I be concerned?? (pleasehelplolol)",-0.5819,negative,apprehensive 1707,depressed,Soo... I think I made an oopsie,listener_1,2,"108.0 lbs ≈ 49.0 kilograms ^(1 pound ≈ 0.45kg) ^(I'm a bot. Downvote to remove.) _____ ^| ^[Info](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8lt7af/i_am_a_bot/) ^| ^[PM](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Ttime5) ^| ^[Stats](http://botmetric.pythonanywhere.com) ^| ^[Opt-out](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=Bot_Metric&subject=Don't%20reply%20to%20me&message=If%20you%20send%20this%20message,%20I%20will%20no%20longer%20reply%20to%20your%20comments%20and%20posts.) ^| ^[v.4.4.7](https://www.reddit.com/user/Bot_Metric/comments/8o9vgz/updates/) ^|",0.0,neutral,annoyed 1707,depressed,Soo... I think I made an oopsie,speaker,3,Thank you ^^ ,0.3612,positive,wishing 1708,depressed,No one cares,speaker,1,I feel lonely and sad. No one cares about me. ,-0.8512,negative,lonely 1708,depressed,No one cares,speaker,2,See. I am right. Sad ,-0.4767,negative,agreeing 1708,depressed,No one cares,listener_1,3,"I can relate to your feelings. Felt like that a few hours ago, pm me if you want to vent, it helps",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 1708,depressed,No one cares,listener_2,4,Wanna talk? Even just vent. I care,0.4939,positive,caring 1709,depressed,Is it wrong that I want something really bad to happen to me?,speaker,1,"I feel like I’ve been blessed with the most amazing life, but I’m a shit person and don’t deserve any of it. I would never take any action myself but I want something really terrible to happen to me. I hate myself for even thinking things like this because I know it would hurt my family and friends so much, but I just don’t deserve them or their love. ",-0.1884,negative,ashamed 1709,depressed,Is it wrong that I want something really bad to happen to me?,listener_1,2,"i wish the same for myself, i really wanna stress i dont want my loved ones to hurt but i dont want to be here. i dont deserve anything ",-0.6002,negative,encouraging 1709,depressed,Is it wrong that I want something really bad to happen to me?,speaker,3,Exactly. I wish something could happen to me in a way where they don’t get hurt.,-0.1779,negative,agreeing 1709,depressed,Is it wrong that I want something really bad to happen to me?,speaker,4,"I’m trying, and there are days where I do feel better. But no matter how good I feel some day, it always comes crashing down the next. I’m just weak ",0.2117,positive,disappointed 1710,depressed,I’m so blue.,speaker,1,I have dealt with pain issues for years now. I finally decided to discuss disability with my doctor because it’s not going away and it’s getting harder. Apparently I can have a year of it and then I’d have to get a lawyer to help me fight for SSI because my MRI isn’t “bad enough” to probably qualify me. I’m not trying to be a dick. I don’t want to get money to sit at home and chill my life away. I hurt. Every day. And I can’t express how absolutely heartbreaking it is to hear that my pain isn’t bad enough and I basically need to just get through it. This is the rest of my life? I don’t know how long I want that to be...if I didn’t have kids...I don’t know. I’m just really down now. I have spent seven years working through it. I’m young. I probably have a decent chunk of years ahead of me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I don’t want to work like this anymore. I don’t want to be an anchor to my family anymore. ,-0.9259,negative,apprehensive 1710,depressed,I’m so blue.,listener_1,2,Are you seeing a therapist?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1710,depressed,I’m so blue.,speaker,3,At the moment? No. Insurance doesn’t cover that and it’s pretty expensive. ,0.4939,positive,questioning 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,speaker,1,"Sorry in advance I read some other people’s stuff and thought fuck it. I am honestly not sure whether I actually want to be “here”, I quote that because idk where I want to be. I think I’ve been depressed for about the past 6 years. Joined the military when I turned 20 and it was ok at first. Started getting in shape, though I was nowhere near fat. Had/have a decent friend group, but why do I still not care about any of it? Life, love, friends, work, school? Most of the time I am driving around to places, I use the freeway. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the slowest nor the fastest on there. I don’t wear my seatbelt solely because it is uncomfortable to me. Yes I have adjusted it every way possible. But when I’m on that freeway, I look at other cars and think, what would happen if this douche over here rammed into my car and plowed me into the median? Would My car go flying like in a movie? Would I fly out of the window? What would my family think? Stupid idiot should’ve worn a seatbelt. Who would care for more then a couple years? What would my friends think? Would she still care? I doubt it. I’m a douche, an asshole, a good friend, sympathetic, empathetic, and pathetic. I’m a loser, I don’t do much. I’m really not too good at anything, not bad either. If I work hard at something, usually I’m picking up others slack and get annoyed. Or I get judged on how I accomplished what I did. What is the point? Have I already decided I don’t want to be here? Is that truly why I won’t wear a seatbelt? I ask God all the time(I’m not religious), to smite me. I know I truly deserve it, but my beliefs just allow me to rant to nothingness. Yes I have tried finding the Lord, no I don’t care. Do I want to be here?",0.9774,positive,lonely 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,listener_1,2,"I think you don’t want to be here, but you also don’t want to die. I’m in the same boat, and this is like reading my own thoughts. We’re both disillusioned with existence, but don’t actively want to die. Is it that you feel like you don’t belong here? ",-0.7227,negative,questioning 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,speaker,3,I think that’s definitely possible. It’s really hard to bear with.,0.2516,positive,agreeing 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,speaker,4,"Ha no. Army sucked, big part of the struggle in there with shitty NCO’s",-0.7579,negative,neutral 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,speaker,5,I don’t know where to get that kinda stuff,0.0,neutral,afraid 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,listener_2,6,internet is your friend!,0.5411,positive,neutral 1711,depressed,Do I want to be here?,speaker,7,I think we all know here,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1712,depressed,Sad Girl :(,speaker,1,"Today I'm just sad. Im over everything and everybody. I let this guy i was supposed to be in a relationship with basically use me for 2 years even if he says its not true, it is. Alot of people have used me because i have a good heart even when im being a cold hearted bitch..i don't go out anywhere dont really have any girlfriends to just chill with and talk to and my best friend lives 13 hours away from me. I do my makeup just to sit in the house but at least it keeps me occupied from being bored for a little while... I want to go and drink my sadness away but that only lasts temporarily... I usually drink all the emotions away but today I'm just sad and don't feel like drinking. I just need some love today 😞",-0.725,negative,lonely 1712,depressed,Sad Girl :(,listener_1,2,"I know my comment may not be much, and that's fine. I understand. Just wanted to let you knkw that deep down, I love you. I may not know you, but I still do. Hopefully everything's going to be fine, and if you are ever in need to talk, I always can :).",0.8294,positive,caring 1712,depressed,Sad Girl :(,listener_2,3,"I'll second this. Keep your head up. It may seem like something small...just crashing at the house....bored out of your mind, but it will grow into something else... if you let it. Beware of Idle hands. ",0.1901,positive,terrified 1713,depressed,Need a way to cope,speaker,1,What are some better ways to cope with anger rather than inflicting self harm or having constant panic attacks? I need some help.. ,-0.8316,negative,questioning 1713,depressed,Need a way to cope,listener_1,2,"I know this sounds cheesy, but honestly try listening to zen music and meditating for 15-25 minutes each day. More if you have time. Ive been pretty damn depressed for upwards of 5 years, and i never shared it with anybody. It made me a pretty irritable person. Meditation helped that, as well as some psychotic symptoms ive been experiencing. The zen music doesnt have to be some bird feeder japanese music, just sounds that make you relax. Another helpful thing is just venting your emotions to someone. Id be happy to be somewhere that you can just vent your emotions into, but if you have any close friends or family that you’re comfortable sharibg with, itd probably be better than my dumbass. Anywho, sorry for the essay. Hope it helps though :)",0.9867,positive,lonely 1713,depressed,Need a way to cope,speaker,3,Thank you! I've always wanted to try meditation. Maybe now I will. I feel like I dont really have anyone to talk to who would really care about what I'm saying so I guess that's part of my problem why I feel so low about everything ,0.5177,positive,lonely 1713,depressed,Need a way to cope,listener_1,4,"No problem! Feel free to pm me, im always happy to listen",0.8608,positive,acknowledging 1714,depressed,not sure if this is the right place to post this,speaker,1,i’ve always struggled with my appearance with my weight and how my body looks comparing myself to my friends and people on social media i had an eating disorder in year 8 and 9 and i feel like it’s getting bad again. food makes me feel sick. like i’ll eat an apple and ill feel gross it’s summer and i’m always wearing a jumper so i can “hide” myself best i can. i’ve tried talking to friends and stuff abt it but i feel like i’m annoying them. i hate getting dressed in front of a mirror because again. ill feel sick ill notice how my waist looks huge and want to cry in the change rooms i’ve talked to my boyfriend abt it and he tries to help best he can but i don’t think he understands even when he says he does i hope this doesn’t trigger anybody. i just didn’t know where’s to say this ,-0.7543,negative,ashamed 1714,depressed,not sure if this is the right place to post this,listener_1,2,r/anorexic Go there. Hope you can find help. ,0.6808,positive,consoling 1714,depressed,not sure if this is the right place to post this,speaker,3,i don’t know if i’m anorexic but ill see there. thank you ,-0.1154,negative,sympathizing 1715,depressed,No point no more,speaker,1,"People around me try so much to help me but I still fuck it up I’m worthless,I want to die I’ve posted recently but what’s the fastest way to die without pAin. I’m sick of this shit life I have everything Good parents,shelter,food,warmth But yet I still want to die I found out that friends aren’t suppose to roast you on your poor project Wow thanks fucking idiot I was never told how to deal with stress It’s getting over the cliff Might jump of cliffs of Moher but that seems too high and scary Basically how to die I wish I just finished school and do what I want I’m tired of this shit I don’t know want to do I just need to leave the earth Can’t be bringing anyone down. I ñwant to die Just please Tell me Don’t fucking hell me your wasting your time I’m not googlin how to die since google will bring suocide helpline ",-0.9945,negative,furious 1715,depressed,No point no more,listener_1,2,Those friends who roasted you are not your friends. Deep breaths.. everything will be okay. You are not worthless. You can finish school I believe in you \*virtual hug\*,0.7877,positive,faithful 1715,depressed,No point no more,speaker,3,"Yeah,I’ve just started to study during break Thanks!",0.4926,positive,acknowledging 1715,depressed,No point no more,speaker,4,It Was thoughts but next leads to suicide I feel better ,-0.5267,negative,sad 1715,depressed,No point no more,speaker,5,Thanks :’) I’ve been feeling a lot better than usual ,0.743,positive,acknowledging 1715,depressed,No point no more,listener_2,6,Good to read an update.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,speaker,1,I cannot get up in the morning. I end up late for work. Not showered. Teeth unbrushed. Wearing pajamas ,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,listener_1,2,"tbh I never brush my teeth or shower in the morning, I just throw some clothes on and goo. go to sleep in your normal attire lol",0.4215,positive,embarrassed 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,speaker,3,Or maybe others have a more severe case of depression than you do. Report the post to the mods if you think it doesn't belong. They can remove it if it doesn't belong here I'm assuming you are not a mod or you would remove it. ,-0.7645,negative,suggesting 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,listener_2,4,"I’m sorry, i wasn’t trying to diminish your post or make you feel bad for it. I’m barely crawling out of a black hole myself and shouldn’t be like that, i apologize. Just try to think life on earth, the nature, the water, the outdoors really help clear my mind why we are here alive on Earth and to keep on living.",0.763,positive,sympathizing 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,listener_3,5,Post is fine if you are implying depression symptoms.,-0.4404,negative,acknowledging 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,speaker,6,"I thought that was a given since this is a depression sub. Thought it was a place I could post this sort of issue where people might actually understand. Guess I'm not exempt from the ole "" your just lazy "" accusation in here either! ",-0.8311,negative,surprised 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,listener_3,7,Please don't be put off by certain comments. We want people to communicate their experience here.,0.5719,positive,questioning 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,listener_4,8,Oo gosh! No no! Im sorry. Please dont let someone's post that may have been poorly worded or insensitive or plain triggering to you make you feel shame for posting or seeking help! Thanks for posting here. Every body's different. It's helped me to treat it solely as a chemical shift. If I stand right away Im more likely to get wakeful than if I linger in the comforting-cozy bed-monster. If I chug a glass of water it does something chemically to snap me awake too. If I get the F out of the house to get some coffee or something on a day I dont have work I'm more likely to shake off fatigue or depression than if I don't. I think its helped me most to do those actions even if I dont feel like I can because more often than not they trigger a chemical shift which helps. The inspiration to actually get out of bed is rarely there. So. Just some things that helped me. But everybody's different!,0.325,positive,sympathizing 1716,depressed,Does anyone have tips on how to get up ?,speaker,9,I'm not. It's just annoying! ,0.3716,positive,annoyed 1717,depressed,Wish I had a normal mom,speaker,1,"I'm 26 and my mom is 63. I'm not perfect sometimes I say horrible stuff to her because she makes me angry. I work 7 days a week I never have fun and I have no friends. At work everyone likes me and thinks I'm funny. I'm not awkward I can usually tell when there's something wrong with a person and what to say to them. Not trying to brag by saying this just bringing it up because I always have to pretend. People don't know I don't have friends and all I do is work. To my mom anything that goes wrong is my fault. I pick up her medicine I take her to her doctors appointments. When she almost died I got her healthy again. She recently started smoking again she smoked for years and quit in Jan of 2018 because her legs started dying. She had to have surgery because an artery become clogged. Before she got sick I told her something was wrong but she wouldn't listen to me. She smokes in her room and stinks up the whole house. She doesn't care if it makes my throat burn every morning. Today I came home pissed off because it smelled like smoke I yelled at her I take care of her when she gets sick I put all this effort for her and she could care less. Ive been depressed since I was a child. I was never good enough even though out of her 3 kids I'm the must successful. I also care for my high functioning autistic brother hes a great brother but he cant make decisions for the house. Today I told my mom if she lets my dog out I'll kill her. Once in a while she'll go outside to smoke. I dont want to talk to my mom like that but she does such crazy sht. Id never hurt my mom or myself but damn I wish I could just be my brother, my dog and myself in the home. My mom can't live on her own and theres no one for her to live with. I just wish I could be 26 and live my life. I'm almost 30 with not much life left. ",-0.9013,negative,ashamed 1717,depressed,Wish I had a normal mom,listener_1,2,"I really feel this. My mom smoked all her life. She had heart attacks, but the moment she left the hospital she lit it up. Then two years ago on Halloween night she had a stroke. My older sister was already moved out and living her life, and my dad wouldn't help take care of my mom. I was the only one who would help her and got saddled with taking care of her. She lost feeling and couldn't use the entire right side of her body. She would fall to the ground trying to walk in front of my dad and he wouldn't help, he'd just watch me struggle to pick her back up as she wailed into my ear. I helped her relearn how to walk again. She has vascular disease in her legs to a point where she will most likely get them amputated and I am so afraid. if that happens I will be stuck with her until the end. I am turning 24 in a month and have never lived life, I was bullied for my entire school life, leaving me with crippling depression and anxiety, and I was finally picking myself up when she had her stroke. I had to give it up to become a full time caregiver for her. She drinks every night until she's wasted, and she falls easily. Countless times I've found her on the ground downstairs screaming and sobbing about how she drunkenly fell. The battle with her never ends. &#x200B; I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know how it feels to be completely alone and not live life and feel resentment towards a parent because YOU have to deal with THEIR decisions. If you ever need support, or to vent, please feel free to message me. ",-0.9826,negative,devastated 1717,depressed,Wish I had a normal mom,speaker,3,Your situation is worse than mine my mom is just an idiot at times shes addicted to pain pills as well she also has vascular disease. I am 26 almost waiting to get my shit together before 30. You must know how it feels to never have anyone to relate to because how many people are taking care of their parent in their 20s. The same goes for you message me if you ever need to ,-0.8402,negative,jealous 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,speaker,1,"So, it’s my first post here. It’s another one of those days if you could relate, but for me it’s one of those life because the pains and sufferings never ends. I experienced domestic abuse as a child, went on to being bullied three times in separate schools and another two times in my last school and now, I am being constantly coerced by my superior at work and quite frankly, finding it real hard to live at the moment. Headstrong as a child, never afraid to stand up for what I believe in, like fairness and equality, could never stand anyone getting treated unjust. The inappropriate righteousness put myself outcast several times in school and thereafter, ended up with depression and anxiety, became highly reclusive and socially awkward. Due to the above experiences, I became a people-pleaser. Constantly trying to get on everyone’s side and not step on anyone’s toe. The extreme paranoia and efforts to make people happy is taxing, but much better than being picked on again. That said, it made me.. not me anymore. I knew who I was before all these.. ~LiFe ExPeRiEnCe~ but I’m not the same. Throughout, I have nearly committed suicide and self-harm for quite a bit which isn’t honorary so as to speak, but I’m not gonna say I’m glad I survived. Anyhow, my closest friends moved several states away and a few other oceans apart. I have no one but pile on pile of bills, physical health cracking under the mental torture my superior puts me through; reached out to HR to no avail just because the superior has got more years in the company than me, but the only way for me to leave is to the fines for terminating the contract, which should be fine, just a few more months of work. Yet, after that.. what then? I’m thinking of going back to school, to college but well, way more people there and I’m so so traumatized by everything I’ve barely gotten enough energy to wake up every damn day. TDLR; Abused and bullied multiple times throughout, at school and at work. Ended up with piles of debt and a huge wreck on physical and mental health. Thinking of ways to get out of this shit-hole but frankly, just want to die but know that I’ll be again shitted for feeling this way. So shoot me I guess!! not sure what’s my point for this!",-0.9921,negative,sad 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,listener_1,2,"Domestic abuse as a kid always sucks, and in some way just kind of stays with you throughout life. In my case, my abuse was from my mother. She was very unstable, and as I got older and bigger, she felt the need to assert her dominance by beating me and reminding me often that she brought me into this world and could take me out any time she wanted. Fortunately I was able to leave at 15, and she committed suicide the following year. It was hard receiving that abuse from my mother, your mother is supposed to love you and care for you, and I wasn't a problem child, I was pretty much an nerd that just wanted to play video games all day and bike around town with my friends. Never missed a day of school, never got into trouble, nothing. It was just a dominance thing for her. Anyways, my abuse may have been different from yours, I never had issues at school because I was one of those kids that grew to pretty near my adult height by 13/14, matured physically, but I was picked on quite a bit for being hairy and fairly nerdy. My sense of fashion was also sub-par. Middle school basically sucked entirely, high school wasn't much better. I used to self harm between 14 - 17, stopped for years until recently I did again, going through some rough stuff. I always wanted to try and make everyone happy, which usually resulted in people just taking advantage of me due to my desperate desire to have ""cool"" friends, which I thought would hopefully be my in for getting girls (it wasn't). The past several years for me have been pretty similar. Debt just piles up and never seems to go away, you can chip away at it every now and then but it just seems to go up and up with no end in sight. Stuck in a job I have pretty much no interest in, but don't have the motivation to seek out other jobs, plus a felony makes job searching just that much more difficult. Just went through a breakup and the relationship in general was so toxic, worst of all I was the one who made it toxic. So I have a mountain of guilt to somehow manage. Revolving door of medication, the most recent one putting me into a deeply suicidal state to the point where death seems like a sweet release of all the pain and suffering. At the very least hoping to get some change of medication that takes away these persistent thoughts. Sometimes it just feels like an endless cycle of nothingness with no idea what to do next. I've been trying to make the right moves, re-applied to school and assuming I do make it through this without taking my own life, registering for summer classes. I have goals, I have dreams and capability, but that won't mean much if I just focus all of my time and effort on suicidal ideations. ",-0.9871,negative,devastated 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,speaker,3,"Thank you for your reply, I really needed it :’) So glad you’re registering for summer classes now, figured I may go back to school too after all. Just curious, what are your dreams and goals? I find it hard to reach. I took a step forth to look at the classes I’d like to enrol then five steps back the last two weeks doing no shit and the registration is closing in a week or so if I don’t get my shit up, though I simply can’t get out of bed. ",0.8977,positive,hopeful 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,listener_1,4,"I recently went through (and mostly still am) an incredibly difficult time in my life due to some poor circumstances that I've created over the past several years. I didn't really have many goals before this period, but the issues kind of sparked something in me where I basically just decided to create some new dreams/goals. So my biggest goal right now is to finish my education and obtain a degree in physics. Aside from that, I don't really have much else I want to do. I used to have pretty normal goals before, like buying a house, starting a family, getting a better career, clearing up some debt, stuff like that. But I narrowed it down to this one goal of education. I don't care about a house, career, family/relationships, none of it. I guess it's a little unorthodox, but having just this one goal right now puts me at ease. Unfortunately I've lost a lot of the drive I had a couple weeks ago, but I'm slowly trying to figure out how to get back to it.",0.779,positive,hopeful 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,speaker,5,"Ah narrowing down is important, how do you get pass day to day tho? For instance, I even managed to make a list of what to do and the timetable for it for a day, woke up on time, too. Just go get myself out there. I think I’m too scared if I fail. ",-0.6808,negative,prepared 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,listener_1,6,Sorry I didn't catch what you meant by get pass day to day?,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,speaker,7,"Like I’m too depressed to even get up to live my day, so I’m wondering how do you idk psyche yourself into doing things to get to your goals",-0.29600000000000004,negative,sad 1718,depressed,Shoutout to the pains of living,listener_1,8,"Honestly I was on some pretty strong medications a few weeks ago that really got me super driven to do these things. Unfortunately they kind of wore off, so I'm back to the depressed low-energy person I usually am. Fortunately I still have a good bit of time before I actually start registering classes, and then they don't even start until June, so I have time to hopefully figure out some way to get back some motivation. This past week has been pretty rough, I've been able to go to work and do my job fairly well, but I'm definitely not where I was a few weeks ago. It's just a constant cycle of being motivated, back to deep depression, then doing everything I can during the off-chance week I have motivation.",0.9406,positive,hopeful 1719,depressed,My uncle just died on the one year anniversary with my ex girlfriend.... What the fuck,speaker,1,Why?... This isn't fucking fair man... What the fuck did I do? What the fuck......,-0.8604,negative,angry 1719,depressed,My uncle just died on the one year anniversary with my ex girlfriend.... What the fuck,listener_1,2,"life happens man, nothings in our control. we just got to keep going ya know? I'm sorry about your uncle.",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1719,depressed,My uncle just died on the one year anniversary with my ex girlfriend.... What the fuck,speaker,3,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 1720,depressed,I just cant anymore,speaker,1,"I believe that I'm falling back into depression. I know why, it's because of my own actions. My sister says I'm annoying, idiot, selfish, curse words, etc. One of my friends call me delusional and stupid. People only talk to me because their friends leave them. People think I'm a liar no matter what I say. I'm stupid for talking too fast. All of friends are slowly leaving me for other people. I only have one friend that only talks to me because they pity me. I get it now, I'm the tutorial. The most boring part of the game of life. People don't enjoy talking to me, they either deal with me or ignore me like the invisible person I am. I'm really sorry if none of this makes sense to you, I really just wanted to let it all out. I was put on this world just to be a tutorial. I was never meant to be in anyone's life. I just shoved myself in like the selfish person I am. If you were in my life, thank you for at least breathing in my direction and giving me a chance that I screwed up like the klutz that I am. If you don't want my post on this site just tell me, you didn't do anything wrong, I did.",-0.9506,negative,ashamed 1720,depressed,I just cant anymore,listener_1,2,Your post is just fine. Please share more if it helps you.,0.8,positive,consoling 1720,depressed,I just cant anymore,speaker,3,Thank you. It means a lot to know that I can talk about my own problems and not be called dramatic.,-0.0516,negative,grateful 1720,depressed,I just cant anymore,speaker,4,Currently I’m seeing one of my counselors for my anxiety. I will try to talk to them about my other problems. Thank you for the kind advice!,0.4199,positive,grateful 1720,depressed,I just cant anymore,speaker,5,"Okay, thank you for the advice. I honestly never thought of it that way or considered that option. Thank you so much!",0.8478,positive,sympathizing 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,speaker,1,"Last July my girlfriend committed suicide. It completely de-railed my life. Things have only gotten worse from then. My sister just revealed that she had been continually beaten and raped over the course of the past year. My family is running out of money and we might lose power soon. My old closest friend has been distant since my girlfriend's death and has said it's pointless to assume we'd ever be close again. My dad and I are both jobless and nobody's calling back. My love life is a consistant wreck. Everything just keeps getting darker. It gets harder to see the light with each passing day. I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 11 and in 9 years I've never improved. There's been a plethora of death in my life and after she died, I don't know that it will effect me anymore. I'm numb. I'm lost in the dark. Is there anything I can do?",-0.9883,negative,devastated 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,listener_1,2,"Have you sought treatment for your depression after your diagnosis? Everything you are dealing with is hard enough to tackle on its own. With depression, it will make it seem impossible. ",-0.8316,negative,questioning 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,speaker,3,I have medication and I'm going to counciling regularly but even then it still feels impossible.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,listener_1,4,"Yeah, I definitely know what that's like. Do you feel the medication is helping? You might not be on the right one, or not at the right strength. There are other routes you can go as well but it's dependant on insurance like ect, tms, or the newly fda-approved ketamine nasal spray. I wish I had answers for you where I could say if you do this, you will be better. Right now maybe focus your energy on supporting your sister. And find an outlet for yourself where you can be distracted from life and get a chance to breathe. Or find support groups in your area so you can at least be among others struggling and lean on each other. Like I said, I know how you feel when nothing seems to be getting better. I don't have answers but by dealing with things in small steps at a time rather than constantly looking at the big, overwhelming picture, is how I make it through each day. ",0.9815,positive,agreeing 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,speaker,5,Thank you for your encouraging words. I'll try to remember them.,0.7096,positive,wishing 1721,depressed,Darker & Darker.,listener_2,6,"it's the least I can do, my whole life growing up my mom always reminded me that I was a mistake and a failed abortion, so I have always wanted to help others as much as I can, so I could feel like I was doing good even though I shouldn't even be here, and I don't even want to be so why not help a few people before meeting the grim reaper? if you ever need to talk I'll be here for you man, I may not respond right away, but I will respond. it's tough, but it will get better, trust me",0.7490000000000001,positive,agreeing 1722,depressed,"I'm about ready to end it all, I just can't take it",speaker,1,"Sorry if this is kinda all over the place with my problems. So first of all, my brother and I fight nonstop and throw insults at each other. He makes me feel horrible. He wouldn't care if I died. He's mean and cruel. He's called me fat a couple times and hasn't helped much with me not eating, puking and cutting. My parents think that everyone is overreacting to depression and anxiety. They basically say it doesn't exist. I can't talk to a counselor at school, or else they'll call my parents. Then they'll know how pathetic I am. My friends don't know about any of this. I can't tell them at the risk of them telling someone or being called an attention hog. (One of my friends said this before and I was angry) I feel so lost and alone. I feel like a failure. My logic is what's the point in saying sorry if you know you'll do it again. My brother has called my singing bad. Thus destroying what confidence I had left to try out for a solo. I'm tired. Tired of acting ok. Tired of acting like I'll eat more. I'm getting less and less sleep and I don't really care. I don't want to bother them with my problems. I feel like enough of a burden. I'm feeling suicidal, I cut again and I forcepuked up everything. I can't keep up with everything. I talked to my self about what would happen if I killed myself or died. Most would probably forget about me. I can't talk to people without them being judgemental. So I talked to my Guinea pig while crying. He makes me feel a bit better. I guess he's really the only thing I got left to live for is Nitro. I can't lose him. I've already lost all of my best animal friends. Like Jackson (dog) blackie (rabbit) and shae (kitten) I can't lose him. Thanks for reading if you do. Have a nice day/afternoon/night.",-0.9946,negative,annoyed 1722,depressed,"I'm about ready to end it all, I just can't take it",listener_1,2,Hang in there. Things will get better. ,0.4404,positive,consoling 1722,depressed,"I'm about ready to end it all, I just can't take it",speaker,3,I'm trying. But its getting really hard to.,-0.2592,negative,neutral 1723,depressed,What do I tell my parents?,speaker,1,I can’t find the courage to tell my parents that I’m stressed and not sure how to cope with it. I don’t want to tell them either because it will ruin their mood completely Help,-0.1702,negative,embarrassed 1723,depressed,What do I tell my parents?,listener_1,2,"First off, they are your parents, it’s their job, you should tell them. Second, do it politely, have examples, and ask for help. They will be happy that you trusted them enough to go to them for help. ",0.9042,positive,trusting 1723,depressed,What do I tell my parents?,speaker,3,"Thank You,next time I get really stressed I’ll read your comment and tell them Thank you!",0.3816,positive,wishing 1723,depressed,What do I tell my parents?,speaker,4,Thanks for the Information It’s just I’m scared of annoying them The comment by Picnit told me that it’s their job Thanks again,0.0516,positive,sympathizing 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,speaker,1,"This probably doesnt seem like it fits in this reddit group but I don't really know where else to ask advice and i told my mum and she said it was just stress so i wont be going to the doctors, I'm 17 years old, 5'6ft and weigh 68kg, my period had started 2 days ago and I bled for about 2 hours not even 1ml then it stopped and hasn't been back since, I recently started a diet of 1000 calories 1 month ago and had been exercising and not losing weight so I lowered the calorie intake to 500 calories or under a day 8 days ago now and for that time I've had a total of 2,813.81 calories felt tired but have been having a lot of trouble sleeping I've slept 6hrs in the last 4 days, felt as if things were crawling on me and a little weak could my diet be the problem or just stress? ",-0.9752,negative,trusting 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,listener_1,2,"Honestly, the best advice I can give is seeing a doctor anyway, if anything, at least to out your mind at ease. Period inconsistency is often normal and not something to be too worried about, especially at this age. Odds are you're fine but it doesn't hurt to get a professional opinion, good luck! :D",0.9736,positive,wishing 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,speaker,3,Thank you ❤,0.7717,positive,grateful 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,listener_2,4,If I may ask is there a reason you have such a low diet?,-0.2732,negative,questioning 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,speaker,5,"I wasn't losing weight on my last diet with exercise which I'd been active 6 times a week for 3 years as I use to do karate, kickboxing and go to the gym but then I stopped going to them and have only been working out at home and I wasn't gaining or losing anything during this time due to a thyroid condition",-0.0335,neutral,guilty 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,listener_2,6,Ahh makes sense. You could always do fasted cardio or other things so you dont crash your metabolism. 500 calories is wild and if you're gona do something like and want to maintain it you might be better off doing a high intake day and low intake day. Realistically anything over two pounds a week for weight loss is usually not good(there are exacpetions). Sorry I shouldn't be preaching to you and you probably know what you're doing just want to make sure you dont harm yourself in the long run. ,0.8390000000000001,positive,agreeing 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,speaker,7,"Thank you :) ❤ yeah I'd been doing that among fasting for 2 days as anymore will cause muscle loss, I wouldn't recommend 500 calories a day or less as a long term diet (I don't advise it at all unless a doctor has assigned that kind of extreme) in some cases its less unhealthy then fasting for more then 2 days but both are to help you eat less, fasting is to cleanse yourself of bad toxins and cravings. But realistically no its not healthy to lose a certain amount per week but its also not bad if its short term such as 2 weeks and you are having vatamins and what not (people say vitamins dont work which is both false and true if you have a diet deficiency then yes they definitely help if not they won't do anything) the only thing I didn't know about was the period thing as I'd never read nor heard of it happening quite this quickly into a extreme diet I've heard that its happened a few weeks later. ",0.961,positive,agreeing 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,listener_2,8,Yep you know what you're doing. If I were you I'd look into female athletes or look into the parts of reddit for steroids or bodybuilding and ask. Me personally I would say go on the steroid parts. They're a lot more knowledgeable and the diet you're doing is basically a pre comp diet. I went to school for this but I'll never be able to answer questions about periods the way other females can. ,0.1531,positive,jealous 1724,depressed,Awkward but don't know where to go with this but I've been having period problems,speaker,9,Thank you I shall do :) thanks for your help <3,0.8779,positive,wishing 1725,depressed,Having to cut corn off the Cobb because you have a false f_ing tooth,speaker,1,"One of the many reminders I am not pretty anymore, So much pain triggered by so many things. Why, fucking why? If I’m supposed to learn something from this get it over with...",-0.7357,negative,sad 1725,depressed,Having to cut corn off the Cobb because you have a false f_ing tooth,listener_1,2,"I feel your pain. I have a false front tooth because I got jumped when I was a teenager. Someone tapped me on the shoulder and pinched me in the face as I was turning around. Coward. Ididn't even do anything wrong, I got hit because I'm a quiet person and gave them the wrong impression. Now it's cutting corn off the cob and hoping people don't notice that my real front tooth and the fake one are somewhat different shades. I'm sorry for this comment being all about me in your post, but I just don't often find people I can relate to about this specific thing. ",-0.7469,negative,ashamed 1725,depressed,Having to cut corn off the Cobb because you have a false f_ing tooth,speaker,3,"I appreciate your post, I relate to it...",0.4019,positive,acknowledging 1725,depressed,Having to cut corn off the Cobb because you have a false f_ing tooth,speaker,4,"I really appreciate you being comfortable enough to share your story, thanks friend.",0.9273,positive,acknowledging 1726,depressed,Should I cut off all relationships with my sister?,speaker,1,"My sister is dragging me down slowly. She makes me feel stupid, worthless, and selfish. She is older than me and she does tell me that I am stupid, worthless, selfish, and then curses at me. She is “busy” meaning that she’s on Wattpad, Pinterest, Snapchat, etc. And when she isn’t busy, she’s on discord with her friends watching movies with them and other stuff. She does this every day I’m not even kidding or exaggerating about that. And when I ask her to spend sisterly time together she says that I’m being selfish or maybe later, she has done this ever since I hit the age of 6 or 7 I believe. Every day I feel my depression worsening little by little. Sometimes I don’t even think she would cry at my funeral because of how little she has even talked to me. We live in the same house but still go without weeks of contact. I know she isn’t obligated to spend time with me but, it’s been almost a year and I can’t even remember a good memory we have ever had with each other, I only see all of the bad ones that rip me up. Our relationship feels like a small weak string just about to break, but I don’t know what to do about it. Thank you for letting me vent.",-0.9446,negative,annoyed 1726,depressed,Should I cut off all relationships with my sister?,listener_1,2,"Don’t be afraid to put people in the past. You have the power to control who gets the privilege of being in your life. Even with family. Even though it’s hard. I blocked my mom and my sister on my phone. I needed time away, time to think. Mostly, time to accept that those were relationships that weren’t going to be the way I wanted. I unblocked them about 8 months later when I felt that I had a boundary there, emotionally. I can’t change them, but I can change how I feel about them and how they fit into my life.",0.6187,positive,lonely 1726,depressed,Should I cut off all relationships with my sister?,speaker,3,Thank you for the advice! I’m extremely grateful for your comment. I really didn’t know what to do about this problem.,0.4515,positive,grateful 1726,depressed,Should I cut off all relationships with my sister?,listener_1,4,No problem! Hope I helped. Family is so tricky. And I’m 29 just figuring this all out.,-0.3728,negative,acknowledging 1726,depressed,Should I cut off all relationships with my sister?,speaker,5,Thank you for your advice. It's very appreciated! ,0.7495,positive,wishing 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,speaker,1,"My depressive episodes often border on the lines of insanity. Having MPD/DID doesn't make things easier. When I fall, I fall hard... Yet... i don't often get the same in return... I've been fighting myself... spiraling downward day in day out. Contemplating whether or not its worth even living anymore. Then I get reminded that its worth it and then for a brief moment it is... then it isn't anymore.. &#x200B; I don't know what to do anymore... Conventional therapy doesn't work. meds don't work. Weed is too expensive for the does that i need... I feel as if I am a failure or have failed... My ex wife has a funny way of reminding me of that.. She took my dog... She took my dignity.. my sanity.. &#x200B; And now all I do is fight my demons alone... &#x200B; I hate it. I even hate myself..... a little too much... but the hate is there... &#x200B; I feel as if .. even though I have positive things in my life... everything is simply just going to fall apart and eventually destroy itself and I'll be the one to blame. &#x200B; The constant battle...the constant struggle... i hate it... &#x200B; i miss my dog... i miss being able to truly smile.. even for a brief moment.. &#x200B; maybe i should just call it quits... maybe i should just get rid of all the positive things in my life and just be alone... I don't know.. I'm just rambling at this point.. &#x200B; &#x200B;",-0.9659,negative,sad 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,listener_1,2,"If there are still positive things in your life, it may be worth enduring the shit parts. If you've been happy in the past, maybe you can be again? I'm hoping that the new esketamine treatments the FDA approved last week might help my depression and relentless anhedonia though I'm not excessively optimistic. Isn't it strange how hard life can be?",0.8398,positive,hopeful 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,speaker,3,I don't think the Ketamine medication will help especially with my DID. It'll make all my alters a little to... loopy.,0.4019,positive,apprehensive 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,listener_2,4,What's did?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,listener_1,5,"I'm only struggling with depression and anhedonia so it may be a bit different for me. Even so, my hopes are not high. ",-0.5719,negative,hopeful 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,speaker,6,Dissociative Identity Disorder - Essentially Multiple Personality Disorder with a fancier name. ,-0.6597,negative,afraid 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,speaker,7,"Hey there Yukikitten. I'm doing.... meh... a little better but at the same time I'm not... It's difficult to cope at the moment.. and I'm trying to keep my head on a swivel.. Kinda hard to do... *hugs* i'm sorry you're feeling how I feel.. maybe we can share the pain. Also, I'll smoke a little extra in your honor. ",0.8862,positive,sympathizing 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,listener_3,8,Also a quick troll through your history I like that you are poly and I like that you like it kinky. We seem to be very similar :) ,0.8683,positive,acknowledging 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,listener_3,9,*hugs* It’s so hard when you feel alone. I always go to reddit and read things from others so I know I’m not the only one feeling like this. I get so sick and tired of reading and listening to people that say just try this or do this. I’m 32 and I think I’ve tried just about everything. It’s a lot harder now that I’m pretty poor. Money sure makes treatment a lot easier and now that I don’t have any it’s kicking my ass. What’s your take on meds? I know mine are doing jack shit right now. ,-0.7781,negative,lonely 1727,depressed,Watching...Waiting...Wondering...Wanting...,speaker,10,Awww shucks you're making me blush. You can message me anytime hun if youd like to talk,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1728,depressed,I'm worthless,speaker,1,"I feel like life would be better if I didn't exist. I suck at most things I do, I'm boring and shy. In conclusion, I don't really add much to the world. I try to be nice to people, but looking at my life compared to others, I come out as very lacking.",0.4859,positive,ashamed 1728,depressed,I'm worthless,listener_1,2,Are you planning suicide?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 1728,depressed,I'm worthless,speaker,3,"No, I'm not. I'm just kind of lost on how to improve myself so that I don't feel like such a waste of skin",-0.5578,negative,ashamed 1728,depressed,I'm worthless,listener_1,4,"Most of the time I offset feelings of low-self-worth by just being a basic person/higher animal in terms of eating/sleeping/amusements; really my life as it is. Other people have goals or ambitions, but I am ok with being ""basic"".",0.4215,positive,content 1728,depressed,I'm worthless,speaker,5,Yeah I guess I just have to realize being really good at something doesn't necessarily define my worth. ,0.7425,positive,neutral 1729,depressed,I just sit at home,speaker,1,"Right now I'm supposed to be in class. But I don't care. I get a bad grade on a test. And I shrug it off. I KNOW I'm supposed to be freaking out about it but I don't know why I just. Don't care. I look forward to nothing in the future. I have no actual friends. And the only people that I show my ""true self"" of me just dying inside. They just leave. And there are so many people I don't want to leave. But they don't care about me. They have their own lives. And I just sit at home. I don't care about anything. I'd give everything. Just to love something. Or someone. Or anything. But I dont. I cant get up anymore and I dont knoe why I bother anymore..",-0.9697,negative,lonely 1729,depressed,I just sit at home,listener_1,2,"Howdy- I know this might no mean much, but I just want you to know that I feel like that a lot; numb and lost. None of my friends know, and I honestly don't want to make them worry because I think worrying about me is pointless. I may not want to save myself, but I need you to stay strong for the people like me who can't, you are not alone, you are loved, you just have to keep fighting because in the end, it will be better. You never have to do today again, and that feeling of lost and numb and sadness with fade over time, you just have to stay strong. ",-0.0719,negative,sentimental 1729,depressed,I just sit at home,listener_2,3,Oh sorry. It’s not that far off your teens though in the big scheme of things. You have a lot of life left to live. ,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1730,depressed,I don't know what I'm doing,speaker,1,I just want someone to talk to or interact with. I feel like I'm screaming into a void. I wish I had friends or someone I could talk to. Idk what's wrong with me.,0.3612,positive,lonely 1730,depressed,I don't know what I'm doing,listener_1,2,i love you,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 1730,depressed,I don't know what I'm doing,listener_1,3,I'm a real person at least,0.0,neutral,trusting 1731,depressed,any advice,speaker,1,"Hi first time poster , If anyone cares thanks &#x200B; i have been living with extreme schizofreni for 2 years and depression for 5 years ,without friends for over 5 years, i have never had a girlfriend, barely talked to one and been rejected by folks at school since highschool. I have thought about killing myself everyday, i am going bald, my face is fucked up after deep acne problem,after spending 2000 dollars I still look like a neandertal and i have zero qualifications and Im supposed to enter university next year. Sexual life does not even exist and etc. I am stressing so much now.. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",-0.9254,negative,ashamed 1731,depressed,any advice,listener_1,2,Dude. Not everyone's prime is in high school. And regardless all the people you think so highly of now for having so much sex and what not probably only do that because they were rejected or something of the sort happened so they are looking for a way to fill that hole in their hearts. Don't think you won't look back and laugh. You just gotta get some professional help and support. You got this,0.875,positive,agreeing 1731,depressed,any advice,speaker,3,thanks man &#x200B; &#x200B;,0.4404,positive,grateful 1732,depressed,I dont know,speaker,1,"I don't know if life is worth life anymore. I am like a robot, doing monotonous things everyday. I no loner feel life with color anymore. I feel like anything is black and white.Its like living in an old motion picture with modern stuff. Its like things happens to me everyday and I get the blame for every thing that isn't even connected to me. Is suicide worth it? ",0.7061,positive,lonely 1732,depressed,I dont know,listener_1,2,"Suicide is absurd IMO, because there are no guarantees about what happens to our individual consciousness. We have more certainty in life than whatever afterlife might exist. Life has plenty of absurdities, but they are known quantities.",-0.4026,negative,confident 1732,depressed,I dont know,speaker,3,But what if you are in a situation where you have almost nothing and problems upon problems keep on piling and your friends and family already abandoned you? Is it worth it? I'm 19 by the way,0.2026,positive,lonely 1732,depressed,I dont know,listener_2,4,No one can tell you if it's worth it because none of us have done it. It's a gamble. It might be it might not,-0.0772,negative,apprehensive 1732,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,1,I feel really tired right now. I don't feel like doing anything. I feel like everyone around me hates me. I don't feel like doing anything. I sleep really late because I can't stop browsing the internet. I think I'm mentally challenged and I am afraid of going out to the real world. I just feel so slow right now. Idk if it's the depression of that's the way I really am. If I have bad thoughts they get stuck there and I feel like I can't escape them. I need to be told things twice because I just can't pay attention the first time. I have no special talents. I'm hoping Computer Science works out for me. I spent so long trying to complete prerequisites that it's too late to turn back now. I haven't even started any programming yet.,-0.9391,negative,sad 1732,depressed,Depressed,listener_4,2,Sounds like you’re stuck in your own head. Judging by your grammar and sentence structure you’re more intelligent than most. Try to stay off your phone at night it doesn’t help. Keep your head up buddy you got this :),0.8832,positive,acknowledging 1732,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,3,Hm. I live in the US but English was my worst subject in school. I had some really bad teachers. It really hurt in the long run. I just blame it on living in a poor neighborhood. My first college essay was a mess. I'm frankly embarrassed by it. I'm relying on auto correct alot. Posting on forums has definitely helped with grammar and writing. My speech is really bad also. I stutter sometimes. I'm afraid to talk to people. ,-0.9889,negative,embarrassed 1732,depressed,Depressed,listener_4,4,As someone who’s had a stutter their whole life I get it. Sometimes I want to say something and I won’t because in my head I know I’m going to stutter. Just gotta relax a bit and take it easy,0.4767,positive,anxious 1733,depressed,My Childish(Depression) Problem,speaker,1,"I'm Eighteenth years old.From last Three years I've been suffering major depression. I've problem to express my feeling to others. I try to tell my problem to my friend (who i considered as friend but they didn’t consider me as friend) But they Didn't believe me,instead they make fun of me.I'm isolated from society, sleeping average 15-16 hours, behaving rude to my parents (I didn’t want it).I Don't know what should I do now.Day by day,I've been neglected by everyone. I wanna make friend,i Wanna laugh,hank out,I want to enjoy my life. I've problem everywhere. In home my parents fight everytime.even though they are married for 30 years. I've HSC Exam (HSC is an equivalent to GCE A Level in England and 3rd and 4th year of high Schools in United States) April 01,2019. I've Lack of studies. I cannot study.I've to study,have to get a good result for my future career. But I cannot do anything. I'm Against Suicide, but I Don't know How much I can resist myself doing It. I need help,What kind of help I get.I Don't know I'm able to clear my problem above.If anyone understand my problem Please Help Me. I'm Desperately Seeking Help. Please Help Me. Please Be My Friend.",0.8929,positive,ashamed 1733,depressed,My Childish(Depression) Problem,listener_1,2,Do you have mental health or social services in your location?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1733,depressed,My Childish(Depression) Problem,speaker,3,"In government hospital,they'll charge me first,treatment for later. Not helpful though",-0.3252,negative,annoyed 1733,depressed,My Childish(Depression) Problem,listener_1,4,It's helpful to talk about mental disturbances with someone who can be trusted. ,0.5423,positive,trusting 1733,depressed,My Childish(Depression) Problem,speaker,5,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1734,depressed,Help me..,speaker,1,"Hey, I'm 14 years old and live in Holland. I'm not rich I'm not poor. My parents are divorced but still come along with each other. I have 2 brothers. One is slightly annoying and the other copies him kinda. I still have my four grand parents all happy. Someone explain to me why the fuck I'm lonely as fuck. Why I feel sad all the time. Why I tried ending it all multiple times. Why I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I'm just confused what the hell is wrong with me. People say ""just be happy"" ""stop feeling sorry for youself"" and more shit. Like i try to be happy but it isnt easy. I believed that i just wanted attention for a while but idfk what it is. If you're my therapist, don't tell me to just calm down and count to ten. I swear there is something wrong with me. If you're a sniper with a good shot take me out asap. ~me",-0.9767,negative,lonely 1734,depressed,Help me..,listener_1,2,"Howdy- I feel the exact same way, I have several people in my life that make me happy, but as soon as I'm alone I start thinking suicidal thoughts and ways of hurting myself and sometimes I cut, but no one knows. I haven't slept for the past 3 nights because I got tired of the night terrors. I don't know what advice to give you other than you are not alone, and tomorrow is a new day, so at least you won't have to do today ever again. Stay strong for the people who can't. \-",-0.9617,negative,lonely 1734,depressed,Help me..,speaker,3,"Thx, this honestly helped me. Most useful help I got in years.🙏",0.8927,positive,neutral 1734,depressed,Help me..,listener_2,4,"Great. :) Good luck with your journey, my dude. You'll get there.",0.9186,positive,wishing 1735,depressed,Anxiety? Or panic attack?,speaker,1,"I think sometime I get anxiety or panic attacks for mostly no reason, sometimes I won’t be doing anything and suddenly I can’t breathe. It happened in class once and I pretended I was okay, but I was taking really deep breaths so it wouldn’t look like I was gasping for air, I felt needle feeling in my legs in class I couldn’t breathe and I felt weird. A really bad one was at home, I was sweating and I was cold I was shaking and i couldn’t breathe and my heart was pounding all because I was in a dark room by myself. Yesterday night after talking with my friend for 2 hours I went to my bed and laid down at around 4:30 am and waited to fall asleep cause I was tired, I suddenly remembered the feeling of drowning and how scary it was to know you can’t gasp for air or else it would get worse, and I started barely breathing again like if I was drowning. I calmed myself down but now I’m scared to feel that way again and I can already feel another one coming back. I also had this nightmare once that gives me a anxiety or panic attack whenever I do think about it but yes I’m confused",-0.9515,negative,anxious 1735,depressed,Anxiety? Or panic attack?,listener_1,2,I think you should talk to a doctor or a therapist about it. ,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1735,depressed,Anxiety? Or panic attack?,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1736,depressed,"Newly Diagnosed, Medicated & Miserable",speaker,1,"A few months ago a psych told me ""chronic low grade depression."" He suggested therapy but the first therapist was a joke. So I started over w a doc who prescribed Welbutrin. Started a couple of weeks ago and it has been - well - strange. Today a meeting with my boss sent me for a tailspin. Most of my depression seems to wrap around work. I've had a good career, but I'm burnt out, tired of dealing with people and can't make myself put up with it anymore... but I also can't quit - my wife and financial planner say about 10 more years. Thinking about 10 more years of this misery makes me think of posting in r/SuicideWatch. Rationally I understand that my identity is too wrapped up in work, but I don't know how to turn that off. The idea of accepting a lesser job makes me feel like a failure in life. The idea of going after a more senior job makes me feel better about myself, but I have no desire to do the work or to be judged by anyone else. I've got a great wife and kids, but I feel like I just suck and I'm tired of sucking. Words of wisdom are welcome. ",0.2035,positive,apprehensive 1736,depressed,"Newly Diagnosed, Medicated & Miserable",listener_1,2,"Therapists don't really work for me either. Keep track of how your medication is affecting you and talk to your doctor about it. They might try a couple different meds to see what works best. As for work, try to untangle your personal identity from your work identity with a hobby maybe. Something for just yourself or for the whole family. Something like camping/hiking will really take you away from the whole work hubbub. But anything non work related that takes up your focus will probably work.",0.5187,positive,suggesting 1736,depressed,"Newly Diagnosed, Medicated & Miserable",speaker,3,Thanks. Booked for next week. Gotta change something. ,0.4404,positive,grateful 1737,depressed,How come some psychiatrists don't diagnosed us?,speaker,1,"I don't know where to ask, so I am going to ask here. So I had visited this psychiatrist 4-5 times in the past, but he never diagnosed me? All we did was, I talk a bit, he talks most of the time, sometimes he talks before I finished my sentence, and then he prescribed me xanax and elavil. I stopped seeing him because I felt nothing changed. I visited another psychiatrist months later, I visited her once. She was a bit different than my previous psychiatrist. She asks some questions, I talk most of the time. When I told her my symptoms, she tell me it's a sign of depression and then she prescribed me xanax and lexapro. I know I am depressed, but most of the time I feel more anxious than depressed. But she did not tell me that I have anxiety? Anyone can explain? I need to understand.",-0.9712,negative,apprehensive 1737,depressed,How come some psychiatrists don't diagnosed us?,listener_1,2,"Some psychiatrists are high on their own power. The first doctor sounds like one of those. The second sounds a bit better. It sounds like she did diagnose you when she said signs of depression. You need to take your meds and see her a couple more times to get a more solid diagnoses. As for the anxiety, anxiety and depression often go hand in hand. That's what the xanax is for. That you were prescribed xanax right off the bat *might* indicate that they think your anxiety issues are separate from your depression issues? That is pure conjecture on my part. I have anxiety, but have never been given a med for anxiety specifically. Anyway! Just keep an open dialogue with your doctor. Ask her outright what your diagnoses is. ",-0.401,negative,hopeful 1737,depressed,How come some psychiatrists don't diagnosed us?,speaker,3,"Yeah, I visited her yesterday, it's been a year since the last time I saw her and yet she stills remember me. She says something like this when she prescribed me medications. ""I will prescribed you this for your depression, and this for your axiety.""",0.0,neutral,surprised 1737,depressed,How come some psychiatrists don't diagnosed us?,speaker,4,"I somehow can understand that. but how do people know that they have anxiety/depression/ocd, etc. if their psychiatrists don't diagnosed them? Anyway, I've visited her yesterday, and she says something like this when she prescribed me medications. I will prescribed you this for your depression, and this for your axiety.""",-0.4215,negative,neutral 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,1,It's very different! You breaking up w your significant other is sad. You dealing with a death is sad. You failing a test is sad. I cannot relate to these people. My depression is for no fucking reason! I wish I had a reason! I'm so sick of people asking me why I'm depressed. Telling me something must have happened. No! Life happened. I have to get out of bed. I have to go to work. I have to pay bills. I don't enjoy anything. I hate everyone. Everything disgusts me. I have nothing to look forward to. ,-0.9892,negative,annoyed 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_1,2, Thank you for speaking my feelings.,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,3,It's so alienating,0.0,neutral,lonely 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,4,My point was there is a difference between depression and sadness. I can't relate to people who are sad while they are currently going through something. Now someone who is still not able to get out of bed years after a breakup and is now depressed is different that's depression. Not sure what your question meant exactly maybe I did not explain well. We all have reasons we are depressed. I'm just not currently sad due to circumstances. My life seems hopeless. Empty. Painful just existing. Not because I have cancer or someone died or I lost my job. I've just been living with nothing good for years. Not anything particularly bad. Does that make better sense? ,-0.9869,negative,sad 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_2,5,yea was just figuring out if i'm 'depressed' or sad for 5+ years.... Sorry,-0.7717,negative,sympathizing 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,6,I was diagnosed with depression at 15. I never felt it until I was about 30. All of a sudden I was like why am I Unhappy? I have health.. job.. apt.. family. .friends.. there's no reason for me to hate life as if I was suffering from poverty.. joblessness.. homelessness.. sickness.. I then realized there is a chemical in my brain I'm lacking that produces the happy hormones or something. ,-0.8591,negative,joyful 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_3,7,"This right here! It needs to be made more public that nothing triggers depression, but that it can suddenly come out of nowhere, and may be fully body chemistry related. ",0.3162,positive,surprised 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_4,8,"Partially though, I had a hand in burning out those parts of the nervous system which move neurotransmitters around, but I was mostly ignorant about the consequences of substance abuse. Even before that, I was depressed as a child, and it seemed automatic.",-0.9239,negative,guilty 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,9,5 years? Probably depressed. I was diagnosed at 15 I'm 44. I find it hard to relate to someone who's failing school and says they are depressed because of it. My depression is the type that caused me to drop out of school. ,-0.9442,negative,jealous 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_2,10,"Idk, i dropped out. Get random panick/cry attacks. Never been diagnosed and i'm 18 so ye....",-0.5106,negative,neutral 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,11,I'm grateful when I hear people were depressed as a child. I was once happy. Actually maybe that's why I'm so depressed. I can remember when things brought me joy. Bow everything aggravates me. Everything is a chore. ,0.0152,neutral,nostalgic 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,12,Panic attacks are awful. I'd much rather have depression,-0.9169,negative,sad 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_2,13,I'd much rather die.,-0.5994,negative,sad 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,14,Panic attacks/anxiety make me seriously consider suicide,-0.8591,negative,terrified 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_2,15,"I don't have a problem outside, so i don't have anxiety ig.",0.4168,positive,content 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,16,? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,17,I didn't even realize it for a while. I mean it's put out there that it's a chemical Imbalance but it's really not very clear to people who are suffering let alone the general public. My last 3 relationships have suffered because they just don't understand how hard life is with depression. Everything seems fine to them. I go to work everyday. My bills are paid. Etc but Jesus Christ it takes every goddamn ounce of energy to do it and it not rewarding at all for me. I am truly miserable living. It's really awful. I just don't enjoy anything at all. And very easily discouraged angered annoyed.. ,-0.9918,negative,sad 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_3,18,"Part of the problem is that people can’t tell the difference right away between being sad at first, or tired and not wanting to socialize, and then BAM, depressed. And then they don’t seek help, because they think it will go away as suddenly as it came on. Doctors (& parents) want us to tell them this shit. They don’t know to offer help for it unless the person speaks up. ",-0.8898,negative,sad 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_2,19,"Idk, so how r u?",-0.1027,negative,questioning 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,speaker,20,Welly parents had me hospitalized at 15. I really don't feel like I was depressed at the time. Then at 21 I started antidepressant meds. Still don't think I was depressed. I actually wonder if taking antidepressants for 10 years without being depressed could have caused depression,-0.8681,negative,apprehensive 1738,depressed,So frustrated with people who are sad vs depressed,listener_3,21,That I can’t say. I’m sorry you had a rough time. Hopefully it’s getting better/manageable. ,0.34,positive,sympathizing 1739,depressed,"My subreddit for people to chat about mental issues, and vent about whatever's going on.",speaker,1," [r/mentalventing](https://www.reddit.com/r/mentalventing) is a sub for like-minded people who go through intense things such us suffering from schizophrenia, depression, and other mental issues to talk with each other, and relate to each other. ",-0.7579,negative,trusting 1739,depressed,"My subreddit for people to chat about mental issues, and vent about whatever's going on.",listener_1,2,It's good etiquette to ask mods 1st if posting your sub.,0.4404,positive,neutral 1739,depressed,"My subreddit for people to chat about mental issues, and vent about whatever's going on.",speaker,3,Oh. Sorry,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1740,depressed,None,speaker,1,Would you be content with absolute nothingness. Of course you wouldn't. You come from a state of awareness. This consciousness is your everything. Take that away and you have nothing not even having. Why do you have to lose it at death.this is the cruelest. I would hate it if there were no life after death.that was the ultimate hope medieval people had while going through the hell of living. ,-0.9313,negative,sad 1740,depressed,None,listener_1,2,"We are honestly so lucky to live in a good part of this horrendous world. I sometimes wonder if our existence is just some game that cosmic entities made up for fun, and we're just insignificant pawns in an incomprehensibly complex game of chess. ""Unfortunately you exist, and therefore you're always playing by rules you didn't agree to. That's life. If you relax and try to keep up, you might find that you'll actually enjoy it.""",0.8521,positive,surprised 1740,depressed,None,speaker,3,Howwww?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,speaker,1,"I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I have had these problems since I was a kid, but only got diagnosed a year ago as my mum doesn't believe in depression and would never take me to a doctor, and I was afraid to go by myself. Finally a year ago after my first suicide attempt I decided to seek help, I was 19 then. It was around this time that I met my SO. I have told him since the beginning about my depression and about a suicide attempt. I thought he understood. That was a year ago and to this day I cannot seem to explain to him. He thinks I'm over reacting, and that everyone feels that way sometimes. Only I feel like that all the time. 2 months ago he broke up with me. I tried to kill myself again, failed again and decided to seek help, I took medication for 2 weeks, but I cannot afford to go back to the doctor. He stills doesn't understand and I don't know how to explain to him and its killing me as no one else knows and I don't want to tell anyone. Any help? ",-0.9863,negative,trusting 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,listener_1,2,"First of all I am sorry to hear about the situation you are in. You sound like a genuine person and whatever you may be thinking, you do not deserve to suffer. There are some people in your environment that are worsening your state of mind by saying that the pain you feel isn’t real, or perhaps you’re not allowed to feel it. But they are wrong. Because no one can decide for you how to feel and no one can tell exactly what it is like to be you. You do not have to justify your depression to anyone, as much as you do not have to justify having the flu, or an infection. You say that this boyfriend broke up with you. Why does he need to understand? Is he a genuine and good person if he cannot empathise with you? What I’m really worried about is that you say that you do not wish to tell anyone else about it. I cannot fully imagine how lonely and painful it must be to be in an environment where no one understands you, or is there for you to confide in. You do not deserve this pain, no one does. Please, find someone near you that you can trust, that you can relate to, tell them about your depression and ask for their support. It will be very hard, but shame about one’s depression is perhaps depressions most vicious aspect. The good news is that you are aware of the illness that you suffer from. That is a really big step and it means you can actively work your way out of the abyss. It is a long and hard journey, but I believe that with time and help you can do it <3 If money allows please see a doctor or a therapist again. If that’s not possible, there might be places online or out in the real world that can offer some sort of counselling for free. Today you took a huge step by coming here and asking for help and you’ve done really well in doing so. I hope some of my words will have been of use to you. Please stay safe and take good care of yourself!",-0.9643,negative,caring 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,listener_2,3,What a compassionate and knowledgeable response you have. This world needs more people like you.,0.7165,positive,impressed 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,speaker,4,"We got back together. He left me when his father was spewing shit about me. He came back, he said he loves me. I love him too. The only person that hasn't abused me, honestly. My whole immidiate family is toxic, so I have no one else to trust. My sis and mother are both narcissists and I live thousands of km away from the rest. We get along together good except this issue, his lack of understanding and empathy. But on the other side, I'm too emotional and too empathetic. I wish to go back to therapy, but the free councilor I had had made assumptions about my past and I didn't like that she was not listening to what I was saying and making up her own version of what I was saying. And she was the person in charge of the organisation, and there is nothing else for free close to me, and I don't have a car. I don't even have a job or a house. I'm forced to live with my mum and her crazy bf, and I might get kicked out at any moment. ",0.5589999999999999,positive,trusting 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,listener_3,5,"Do you have too much free time? I myself have a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts and I end up wasting most of the day, while having a clear goal I have to accomplish. You have realized that us humans have a hard time imagining something we never felt, so it is a hard task to make someone understand what it is to feel depression and anxiety. Pour every sense into it, like you're describing the sour, bitter yet enjoyable taste a lemon drop gives in a drink. For me, I can be laughing and having a great time with friends but my mind is a bit absent, has trouble focusing, memory constantly failing and I feel like I need to sleep, my body wants to rest. Once I'm alone my eyes begin to dry up, I'm tired despite doing nothing, I question these things while I want to do something and end up not doing it or even thinking about how to do it. This could be a simple thing like cleaning my desk, cutting a fruit. Anxiety on the other hand, it's pure hell. It's both a thought and a feeling that cripples you in such a way that you can't fathom what's happening or why. It makes your torso feel heavy, makes you cry, gives you a sense of impending doom, makes you wish you could disappear. Of course these sensations have a whole lot more to them, but that's what I could describe while at a ""stable"" moment of my day, my experience is different than yours and I hope this small attempt at explaining it helps in finding a way to express what you feel. ",-0.4767,negative,anxious 1741,depressed,How to explain depression to a someone who doesn't belive in it?,listener_1,6,Thanks. I really appreciate that and your comment means a lot to me <3 ,0.7089,positive,acknowledging 1742,depressed,I think my mom's finally got her s*** together,speaker,1,"For years I've dealt with her drinking and smoking. She is kinda why I'm depressed. She basically said I was the reason for it all when 8 was 11. It all started when I was 8. I'm 14 now. But now, FINALLY, after 6 years, she hasn't drank anything in a month and a half. She's also decided to get help with smoking. Sometimes I doubt she'll get better. I know she'll go back. But it's the longest since she hasn't been drinking and it's great. I'm laughing with her. She's more of a mother now. No, she was never physical or abusive, just really really weird to talk to and awkward. It scared me. But I think it'll get better.",0.9416,positive,grateful 1742,depressed,I think my mom's finally got her s*** together,listener_1,2,"Progress is progress. At least she’s trying, which is better than the alternative. Good luck to you my friend. ",0.9485,positive,wishing 1742,depressed,I think my mom's finally got her s*** together,speaker,3,Thank you. I really hope it stays this way.,0.6901,positive,encouraging 1743,depressed,I hate myself,speaker,1,"I’ll be honest I’m such a lazy waste of space I don’t even feel like typing out why I hate myself. Any advice on motivating myself to get out of bed or something? I am jobless and ruining my life and most days lay in bed all day which only makes it worse, but I can’t find the motivation to get up. ",0.1406,positive,ashamed 1743,depressed,I hate myself,listener_1,2," close ur eyes and think of a place you want to be tht will make you happy. Look whose around u and if ur alone thts not a problem at all, but if u see people around u or even pets who are they. make it ur goal to be there in tht exact moment because we all deserve to be happy in life especially you and honestly anything can happen I believe in u ",0.9197,positive,trusting 1743,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,3,thank you i needed that too,0.3612,positive,neutral 1743,depressed,I hate myself,speaker,4,Thank you for your words of wisdom :),0.836,positive,grateful 1744,depressed,Please help me.,speaker,1,"I'm on spring break. My ""friends"" forgot to invite me on their road trip last year. So I got a pity invite this year. I should be happy. I want to be happy. But the problem is. My (sort of) ex is also with us (super long complicated history if you want to know about it..) and the thing is. I'm trying so hard not to do anything. Likr. Feel anything. Bevause I know it's a horrible relationship and she used me forever and still does and I'm tired of being used. But. I hurt. So bad. Not only cuz of her. But my life. All of it. She was the only one who actually listened to me. Ever. Who cared. And she says she still cares. But anytime I talk to her for help. She just doesn't care. And it hurts. So bad. And shes asking what's wrong. And I want to tell her but I cant bacause I know it will make things worse. And my whole friend group Is noticing me and I dont want to make a big deal about it because I dont want to ruin their spring break. And I just want to smile and have fun for just a few days. That's all I want. We are in a cabin and she knows some things wrong. And the old her would come over and help me. Or just be there. And I keep thinking it's going to happen and I know it wont. And I dont want it to because it will make things harder in the end. But I just want to make everyone smile. I dont want to fuck this up and I'm hurting so bad right now and I just want someone to talk to like she used to and I know shes not good and I just hurt so fucking much. I need help. Please. I want this to be a happy memory because it might be my last spring break. Or ever having friends and they are all I have but everything just hurts. And I cant let them see me down because I always ruin these things because its selfish. ",-0.9532,negative,jealous 1744,depressed,Please help me.,listener_1,2,It will be a happy memory because u will live life to the the fullest. Think of it as your last day on earth and why spend ur last day overthinking and being sad when u can have a great time. If ur problems are really bothering u then confront it ,-0.1513,negative,joyful 1744,depressed,Please help me.,listener_2,3,"Hey man, I've been reading posts all over reddit for a few weeks but never got around to signing up. I just did, so I could give you some sort of reply. I'm not saying I understand what you are going through, but i get how painful some situations are. Not so long ago I was alone in my living room, in tears, looking for a place to hide from... actually nothing, and stomping my foot on the floor to vent off the pain. Please believe me that some people do understand what you are going through and do care. What helped me tremendously was to find the courage to open up about it to my parents. I was on the phone crying, they genuinely thought I was gonna kill myself, and I was deeply embarassed, but it did help me. If you have someone, other than that girl, to whom you might open up, you may want to do that. wish you all the best",0.0,neutral,ashamed 1744,depressed,Please help me.,speaker,4,I don't have any friends. Shes in my friend group. She wont go away. And I've tried talking to my parents. They just don't understand it. Our situation is weird. But I have no one who cares or thinks like me. No one wants to hear me out or help. ,0.733,positive,lonely 1745,depressed,Why am I such a walk over.,speaker,1,"I am. A 28 year old woman and I still can't say no to people.. I still let people walk all. Over me, talk to me the way they want. They vent to me then leave go in with their lives, while I'm here in an already depressive episode sobbing my heart out. Why do I let the opinion of one person drag me back to square one. Think it's time I grow a back bone. ",0.0227,neutral,ashamed 1745,depressed,Why am I such a walk over.,listener_1,2,"Right now, just do it, text them that you would rather they delete you from their contacts, and then block them on everything you have. Go for it. Don’t let negative people be your life. You deserve to be happy. ",-0.4404,negative,angry 1745,depressed,Why am I such a walk over.,listener_2,3,But what if they are your roommate,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1745,depressed,Why am I such a walk over.,listener_1,4,"Unless you share a bedroom, same thing. Set up ground rules for sharing the space, and ask they they don’t talk to you other than that. Then, find someplace else to live. Or ask them to leave. Maybe find a new roommate first. Remember, you can do it. ",0.5859,positive,suggesting 1746,depressed,Im giving up,speaker,1,"I'm tired of being treated like filth. I feel like I'm worth nothing. It sad but how else am I supposed to feel. No one cares for me except for my family, how the hell am I supposed to make friends this way. I'm such a nice guy and when I try to text a girl to compliment her im just treated like trash, like what did I do. I'm just trying to be nice, I just wanna fall asleep forever😴😑😟😖",0.8676,positive,annoyed 1746,depressed,Im giving up,listener_1,2,"Lean on your family. When the right girl comes along, yall will click without even knowing it. Stop trying to find her, she will find you. ",-0.29600000000000004,negative,faithful 1746,depressed,Im giving up,speaker,3,Thank you it means a lot,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1747,depressed,Rant I Guess,speaker,1,"My parents keep forgetting to feed me. I mean, I hate myself when I eat food, but...it's messed up, right?. They also yell at me and each other all the time. ~~I get yelled at for sleeping, and for being awake.~~ My friends never invite me anywhere anymore. Everyone in my friend group hangs around without me. My girlfriend was having a sleepover for her birthday, and she didn't invite me. (Before anyone asks, we're closeted lesbians. So I would have been allowed over). Before she had this party planned out, she told me she couldn't have anyone over the whole month because she was packing. I don't share my depression much because it makes me feel like an attention whore, but even when I try to talk to my friends because I'm sad, they talk over me, talk about themselves, or ignore me. My siblings are all either drug addicts, broke, or felons. Sometimes all three. Asking for anything these days makes me feel like a greedy bitch with no sense of appreciation. I hate every single bit of myself. I hate the way I look, act, talk, walk, and feel. Sometimes I write suicide notes, but never complete the task. I imagine what the world would be like without me, then I remember I wouldn't know and it wouldn't matter to me because I would be dead. We all have reasons to be happy, but I guess none of us can remember those reasons.",-0.9797,negative,annoyed 1747,depressed,Rant I Guess,listener_1,2,"You should try researching your roots ! Get back in touch with your primal happiness that is real and protects you from even the people you live with. Watch inner worlds outer worlds or just simply research and fill your time with things that truly make you happy or interest you. People treat people based on how they feel inside themselves. Everyone in your life bringing you down does that because that's actually how they feel about themselves. If they seriously aren't feeding you, get in contact with somebody about it! Research others stories and get tips on how to communicate to your parents. Anything is possible to become happy. Just think outside the box, and tap into who you really want to be ",0.9697,positive,suggesting 1747,depressed,Rant I Guess,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1747,depressed,Rant I Guess,listener_2,4,You *should* try calling CPS. Your parents are abusing you and have already destroyed your siblings.,-0.7351,negative,angry 1748,depressed,[Talking to myself out loud] I am okay,speaker,1,"How do you say anything about your problems without sounding like an attention seeker, either to yourself or everyone around you? The simple solution is that you don't. As long as you're fine, everyone else is fine, so if you say you're fine and they're fine and that's all you care about, then you're fine, even though you're not &#x200B; So I'm fine And I'll keep saying this till those awful thoughts go away...or don't...I'm fine",0.6341,positive,content 1748,depressed,[Talking to myself out loud] I am okay,listener_1,2,"There comes a point where you need to focus on yourself. Just for a bit. A day. Couple hours. Dont take this like ""I've figured it out"" because believe me. I'm trying so hard to find the balance. I understand what it's like to care about everyone. And the second you do something for yourself. Everyone freaks out like they need to help you or cater to you specifically. It hurts. I hate being a burden. I just want to make people happy around me. It's their lives. They ste beautiful people in their own ways with a future ahead of them. I just want to help. And stick to the shadows. But sooner later. It's too much and you just break down. And the only thought is""im ruining everyone's night or day"" and that's the worst feeling. Please message me if you want to talk. I just want to help. And I know the feeling. So so much. It makes sense. If you need anything please know I'm here. Really. I don't care your past your future. Who you are. Who you arnt. I just know everyone needs something sometimes. Giving feels so good but leaves such a hole in yourself",0.9275,positive,caring 1748,depressed,[Talking to myself out loud] I am okay,speaker,3,"The problem is, it's just impossible for me I'm unable to make connections with people, and without that, it's impossible to tell anyone what's happening to me...so I'm just stuck",-0.5719,negative,lonely 1749,depressed,Today,speaker,1,"Felt overwhelmed by things yet to be resolved. Things I think are holding me back but I live with it and feed into it. I’m pretty sure I’m crazy for the addictions alone. Like crutches of some sort. I’m a Christian so it weighs even heavier on me. I live with this every day. I have to see events come to pass in my life. I don’t know where to go or who to look for. Feel like a spiritual fraud for how much I give in. I thought of suicide and being dead in general. I haven’t given up hope yet. I’m fighting for myself in some way. Long damn day though. Really tough suppressing the emotion and tears. I feel like it’s all up to me, and it is. Life’s fucking tough some days.",-0.9453,negative,anxious 1749,depressed,Today,listener_1,2,"When I was actively Xian, I eventually gave up on holiness and just accepted myself as a sinner who in some ways was unlikely to change. I also believed in a god who knew me and accepted what I was. ",0.765,positive,faithful 1750,depressed,Worst day of my life so far,speaker,1,"So today my work failed my probation (basically fired me) they said I wasn't suitable for the job and I don't use my initiative, i may agree with them but it doesn't stop it from hurting. Ontop of that I had to put one if my rats down on Saturday and it hurt alot like it did with my previous ones. I come home today and 3/4 rats I have left all habe health problems I can't pay for cause I'm jobless now I feel broken useless and worn out I just wanna fade out if exsistance.... ",-0.9639,negative,devastated 1750,depressed,Worst day of my life so far,listener_1,2,"Hey man, I care that you are alive. And I'm proud that you've managed to stay alive so far. I know it's an uphill struggle. It's too bad about your rats, but I'm certain you can find another job with which to earn money so you can take care of your rats. Better days could be in your grasp",0.9109,positive,caring 1750,depressed,Worst day of my life so far,speaker,3,We might have to give them away as we have no money and they're in really bad health and thank you. It's nice knowing someone does,-0.1761,negative,grateful 1751,depressed,Just writing this out so I can feel better.,speaker,1,"Im not posting for sympathy. I need a place to vent without being asked a million times if im ok. &#x200B; I received news today that a member of my band died today. My work fired the only other engineer so I now Im running everything by myself I trying to get my school work done, but I suck at math so every problem type takes me multiple hours to figure out so im falling behind. My boss is thinking about quitting so I don't know whats going to happen. &#x200B; &#x200B; I think i feel better. &#x200B; &#x200B;",-0.887,negative,lonely 1751,depressed,Just writing this out so I can feel better.,listener_1,2,"what kind of math are you doing? If it's something I know I'll help you out, and sorry about your bandmember man",0.34,positive,sympathizing 1751,depressed,Just writing this out so I can feel better.,speaker,3,Thanks for offereing. Im solving linear equations using addition. I think I got it now....,0.6486,positive,confident 1751,depressed,Just writing this out so I can feel better.,listener_1,4,"yea if you need help with quadratic equations, radicals, anything like that, I can help out no prob",0.6908,positive,agreeing 1752,depressed,"Lost my job, bored af, drinking a lot.",speaker,1,"I just recently lost my job, I’ve never been let go before... I have a savings to cover the next 6 months so I’m financially well off. I’m just bored as shit. I just recently got a puppy, and I can’t really adventure with him considering he’s only 9 weeks old. I’ve been drinking a lot. I’m talking I go to bed drunk af and wake up and start drinking again. I’m also in school so and it’s spring break so no one is around. I guess I’m just ranting but damn. I’ve caught up on school work, I’ve done about 10 applications for other jobs and have an interview lined up for one but wow am I bored as shit. Anyone have any suggestions to rid my alcoholism? I’m not talking AA, or abolishing it for good. I’ve tried to play video games but bored with that too. Im just stuck in a rock and a hard place and it’s easy to drink and play with my puppers. He’s too young for dog parks, hikes, walks, or really anything besides pooping outside. I’m seriously depressed from all of this and the only mitigation I have is alcohol...",-0.7355,negative,lonely 1752,depressed,"Lost my job, bored af, drinking a lot.",listener_1,2,"There is a difference between alcoholism and drinking heavily during a specific time period. If you lost your job because of hangovers, or are moving towards general dysfunction because of your dependence on alcohol, then you may qualify for Step One of AA's 12 Steps.",-0.6249,negative,faithful 1752,depressed,"Lost my job, bored af, drinking a lot.",speaker,3,"I lost my job for “downsizing and restructuring” but I have been investigated for being hungover once but it was a retaliation from a former boss. (It’s a mess) this doesn’t negate that it wasn’t apart of it. The industry I am in everyone is hungover 90% of the time. I’m not worried about that though, I’m just worried of my boredom. My only intention to be not drinking is being good to my dog. Whether that is the reason, I know I’m rebounding quickly, already have job offers (had a few from awhile ago) and this transition is just depressing me. Not in a sense of suicide, but rather a sadness of what’s going on in this particular period. ",-0.9582,negative,anxious 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,1,"I haven’t felt so depressed in weeks. Things were actually going good for me, I was talking to people and keeping up on homework and everything. Then my birthday comes around. Only one person wished me happy birthday, and she’s kind of a psycho. Everything has just been something of a letdown today. Its kind of reactivating this depression I had managed to bury oh so deep down. But it doesn’t matter, it just keeps coming back, like some sort of disgusting worm that digs up from the soil to rear it’s ugly fucking head. Not even my best friend wished me happy birthday.",-0.5105,negative,sad 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_1,2,How did the psycho know? Did everybody else?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,3,"I’d told her when my birthday was but I recently moved to a new school, so not a lot of people knew but some did. ",0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_1,4,So not many people know. Is the crazy one in your new school?,-0.34,negative,questioning 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,5,"Yep. And not many people know, but the people who did didn’t say anything.",0.1531,positive,neutral 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_1,6,"One did.. besides her, many people (in schools) probably care about how things look socially and be a bit reticent to show familiarity with someone new. On a colder note, these people aren’t your friends. They’re new to you and you barely know them. I wouldn’t expect the warmest reception from them. You have to get to know people a bit better before birthdays really matter to them. Most people only care about their own birthdays anyway, other people’s birthdays are chores. So it’s not you. I do understand how bad it feels tho. Did any of your family do or say anything to you about it?",0.9053,positive,apprehensive 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,7,"Yeah my family did the norm, birthday presents and cake, but it ended up opening a lot of wounds for me so kind of a mixed bag. You’re right, these people barely know me and most everyone is naturally conceited, so for them to care is actually somewhat selfish of me.",0.2936,positive,neutral 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,8,"I’m with you, sometimes. Happy early/late birthday from me :)",0.7717,positive,wishing 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_2,9,Birthday parties are lame anyways right?,-0.0258,neutral,questioning 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_1,10,Somewhat selfish but also expected. Everyone wants to feel special on their special day. I’m sure people’s low reaction to your birthday compounded the pain from the wounds that were opened. What happened there?,0.2609,positive,sad 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,speaker,11,"I’m really happy you’re taking such an interest in me btw. I’ve had a long history of shitty birthdays, to the point where my 8th birthday everyone forgot because we were moving away from my childhood home that very day due to abusive family and business. That’s the caliber of birthdays I got lol",0.2484,positive,grateful 1753,depressed,It’s my birthday,listener_1,12,"That sounds rough. Do you think about that every birthday? It must make people forgetting especially hurtful. Did you leave someone behind when you moved then? You said there was abuse family and business. Can you explain that a bit more? It’s understandable if you can’t, especially if this is your known public reddit account.",-0.8636,negative,questioning 1754,depressed,Thinking bad things,speaker,1,Lately I've been getting worse and worse. I want to hurt. Physically. I always told myself I'd never cut. What's the point. I want to die. Something sure fire. Not prolong it. But lately. I've been putting cigs out on my arm. I hold it there. Really feel it. At first I flinched. But now I hold and twist. And I'm thinking about cutting now. I did that once. But it wasnt anything serious. But now. I want to. Deep. Long. Everywhere. Carve words into my skin. I know its horrible. But I want to so bad. For now I'll stick to cigs. But sooner or later people will ask questions. I just dont care anymore,-0.9638,negative,terrified 1754,depressed,Thinking bad things,listener_1,2,"I am seriously not in any position to tell you any motivational things and things like it's not worth it. Since I have started cutting myself after a month of break again. I just hope you think through before you get yourself into cutting and all. People will raise eyes, some people will look at you with weird eyes, some even might mock you. I hope things get better for you. And my dm is open if you wanna talk.",0.5162,positive,trusting 1754,depressed,Thinking bad things,speaker,3,"I dont care if people make fun. I'm a big dude. People dont do that. Let them see. I hate hiding it sometimes. If they have a problem with who I am then screw them. Sometimes I just want to stop pretending I'm happy and I'm ok. See who my real ""friends"" are ",-0.2565,negative,content 1754,depressed,Thinking bad things,speaker,4,What do you mean,0.0,neutral,questioning 1754,depressed,Thinking bad things,listener_2,5,"If you are putting cigarettes out on/in your skin, then that creates wounds which can get infected; keep them clean atleast.",0.1531,positive,consoling 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,speaker,1,"Hello there, this is the first time posting here and, i'd like to say my story and how it all begun. I am curently 13 years old and, i have derpession since i'm 12, I've been getting bullied for 9 years now (Since i was 4) And i kept happy, even tho i almost died a few times.. Some of the baddest things that happend in those 9 years is, i almost got beaten to death, and i got stabbed in my back.. When i left primary school, and went to highschool. i started falling in depression, i didn't feel home in the country i am right now, i never wanted to leave so badly, in november, i started doing selfharm. i was in class and i just, had enough of it. so i grabbed my pen, and kinda, kept scraping my skin till i bleeded. ( i know it's dumb i did it in class but nobody noticed) Before the selfharm, a really good friend of me, told me his story about how he dealed with selfharm, and how his bestfriend commited suicide, i promised him, i'd never do selfharm (I got derpession in the time we spoke alot, he hepled me alot and we talked for hours sometimes) But then, i couldn,t keep my promise, and i told him. he got so mad, that he left me in the hope he would protect me, (He thought it was his fault i did selfharm) After that, i did it 3 more times. on the same pen way. He came back tho, but. my depression got less! And, 2 weeks ago. me and my bestfriend, (an other friend) Started dating! I was so stupid to think that it cured my depression.. While i was believing it had cured, it got worse inside while i didn't notice it. and when it came back, it felt like someone stabbing my back once again. And.. Last friday. i couldn;t handle it anymore and i grabbed my siccors. The next day i went to a sleepover so i had to cover it. I made a promise to myself last monday that i'll put on a necklace (A rose quarts) And while i have it on, i'll not harm myself, and i will not take it off, but it is really hard to keep that promise.. I have this rubber band on my wrist, as alternative, if i feel like hurting myself, i'd snap it on my wrist. I hope this stupid depression will go away.. one day &#x200B; Thanks for reading my story.. I'll hope it'll get better for you guys <3 &#x200B;",-0.8793,negative,joyful 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,listener_1,2,"Things will get better, I promise, when I was in that age nobody knew what the hell they were doing. Those bullies will regret what they did to you when they realize how dumb they really were. Talk to someone you trust about this stuff, they will help you keep your head up! ",-0.2003,negative,trusting 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,speaker,3,I told my real life bestfriend today.. ,0.0,neutral,ashamed 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,speaker,4,"Thank you, and i'm awhere of that it will get better, and i'm always trying to be happy \^\^ I told my bestfriend today, and actually alot of my good friends know.. but sadly my parents do kinda know, but they don't care at all. i went to therapy for my trauma + they helped me for IF i ever got depression. but all that stuff they told me wasn't really helpfull ;-;",-0.8702,negative,consoling 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,listener_1,5,"Good, hope everything gets better for you!",0.8398,positive,consoling 1755,depressed,It's been awhile now,speaker,6,"lol sorry for late respond, it got worse to be honest, i started cutting :/ but, i didn't do it for a few days now.. It's been going a little better since a few days, maybe it's because i'm scared of blades and knifes (aka sharp things) So i only cut when i just feel like killing myself.. Thanks for your concern tho \^\^",-0.5552,negative,sympathizing 1756,depressed,Almost did it,speaker,1,"Today way the closest I’ve ever gotten to killing myself. I’ve been having panic attacks almost every night for the last three months straight. I came home from school for spring break to spend time with my family but they stress me out so godamn much and I couldn’t take it anymore, I felt another panic attack coming on and I got in my car with full intent of crashing into a tree at a high speed without my seatbelt on. The panic attack ended up being too strong and made me pull over and just ball my eyes out in the side of the road until I could collect myself. I decided to drive home instead, I’m know one day I’ll commit, I’ve known that since I was a child. ",-0.9638,negative,terrified 1756,depressed,Almost did it,listener_1,2,Please don't :c Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 It doesn't seem like it all the time but there's a lot to live for Find something and hold on to it with all your might! You owe it to yourself,0.536,positive,faithful 1756,depressed,Almost did it,speaker,3,Thank you ❤️,0.3612,positive,wishing 1756,depressed,Almost did it,speaker,4,Thank you ❤️,0.3612,positive,wishing 1757,depressed,Everything feels temporary,speaker,1,Anyone finding it hard to search for something that brings joy? Just cause you know it'll be gone in a second? I feel like I'm craving something that lasts forever or even for a while but everything feels so temporary and not worth it,0.3206,positive,sad 1757,depressed,Everything feels temporary,listener_1,2,"Yeah I know what you mean. That's why I am feeling pretty desperate for some human relationships. I have a very loving family, which I am grateful for, but I'm just so lonely. Relationships with people are really important and I'm hoping they are something that can bring me some long term happiness in this life. If you have any, cherish them. sorry if this sounded annoying",0.9037,positive,sympathizing 1757,depressed,Everything feels temporary,listener_2,3,You would be surprised. Human relationships are the most fragile thing in this world and people will forget about other people as soon as they get a new job or moves to a different place.,0.0,neutral,devastated 1757,depressed,Everything feels temporary,listener_1,4,I guess i'd like to discover whether or not that's true with every person or not. ,0.0433,neutral,suggesting 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,1,"Jeez, I shouldn't even be trying to post anything. I feel guilty for even trying, I feel guilty for existing. I'm terrified of leaving comments on posts because I'd somehow manage to do something wrong, getting up in the morning and even talking to my friends is getting more and more difficult, and I gave my friend a panic attack when I tried to talk to him. I couldn't sleep because if I tried, I'd violently shake myself awake. Everything hurts but I'm just being annoying. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm gonna manage to screw this up too..",-0.9537,negative,terrified 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_1,2,"Hey don’t be sorry, shit happens and I’m sure the panic attack wasn’t your fault it can happen to anyone out of nowhere, don’t beat yourself up! Comment all you want speak what you want to say, it’s better to say then hold it in trust me.. try to make urself relaxed with a hobby before bday to help you sleep, but if you need to speak with someone in real life or on reddit please don’t be afraid to reach out!",0.6351,positive,sympathizing 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,3,His panic attack was because he caught me trying to od last night before i posted this. Sorry for the post,-0.7766,negative,embarrassed 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,4,"Not just talking about problems. Just talking to my friends in general is difficult witg my mind yelling at me even louder than before to isolate myself because I'm annoying and inconveniwncong. Im sorry Also, I had a therapist, but i cant go to him anymore anyway. It costed too much money",-0.4497,negative,lonely 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_2,5,Was the OD harmful to your body? Take care of yourself if you can.,0.4939,positive,questioning 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_1,6,"Well of course they will panic about that, still don’t give up hope and stuff just hang in there and he will forgive u",0.4215,positive,consoling 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,7,"Also, i did draw last night, i dont feel too much better, but i guess it's something. I cant draw to calm myself down sometimes because it does more harm to try than good sometimes Sorry for responding by the way",-0.5077,negative,sympathizing 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_1,8,"First stop saying sorry! I am here to talk with you, don’t be sad I understand... try music draw with some music it might help more.",-0.4926,negative,sympathizing 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,9,"I mean, my body is pretty fucked up right now, mostly from not eating or drinking much of anything and overwearing a binder, but I didnt get to overdose, my friend called me right before I was about to take anything",0.5719,positive,grateful 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,10,"I cant draw without music, and sometimes sound makes me violent, so when I'm in that kind of situation i try to avoid music too.",-0.7269,negative,afraid 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_1,11,"Oh, try going to a lake front or beach, somewhere you can see if it make u feel peaceful ",0.4939,positive,suggesting 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,speaker,12,"I mean, I would, but I live in Arizona, aka a place where water, grass and trees are nothing but myths :3",-0.5504,negative,neutral 1758,depressed,I'm sorry,listener_1,13,Lol damn didn’t know Arizona was like that... take a vacation?,0.3818,positive,questioning 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,1,What helps your depression the most?,-0.2732,negative,questioning 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,listener_1,2,Podcasts about mental health and lectures. Used to just dumb myself down with weed and drinks until I realized that its only making shit worse. Started eating health and working out thanks to youtube. Might seem boring at first but over time it grew on me.,-0.6369,negative,prepared 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,3,It's just staying on that positive wagon. Sounds like you are man so keep it up!,0.75,positive,faithful 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,4,couldn't agree more,-0.2755,negative,agreeing 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,listener_2,5,this plus leaving the house for a good couple of hours to either exercise or do whatever. ,0.4404,positive,neutral 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,listener_3,6,"The gym makes me horny so then I arrange for sex hookups which is more social interaction, getting out of the house, and more excercise and good brain chemicals. It sounds bizarre, but embracing vanity, sluttiness, and healthy living has really helped me the last calendar year.",0.3883,positive,proud 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,listener_1,7,"Thanks man, checked a couple of your vids, truly hope everything works out for you as well. Keep it up.",0.8689,positive,encouraging 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,8,"Ah man, I wish every comment was like that!",0.6696,positive,neutral 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,9,hunting wild game? or fortnight?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,listener_4,10,"Anything, now I am grinding Minions Masters",0.0,neutral,confident 1759,depressed,What helps your depression the most?,speaker,11,Just don't over do it my friend x,0.4939,positive,wishing 1760,depressed,am i selfish for being upset over this?,speaker,1,an old friend of mine recently started hanging out with other friends. cool. good for her. glad she’s happy. why i’m upset is that she’s always posting about it on her social media and it makes me remember when we used to be close and i miss that. seeing her posts make me miss it so much to the point where it tampers with my mental health. so i unfollowed. i check in with her posts every now and then because i miss her and i still care about her a lot and i want to know how she’s doing. recently she made a post calling an anonymous someone out for unfollowing and still looking at her posts. i messaged her asking her about it and explaining my side of things and she called me selfish and i’m scared i’m being selfish am i selfish? i didn’t think it was selfish to miss someone but i i feel bad now. ,-0.6757,negative,sad 1760,depressed,am i selfish for being upset over this?,listener_1,2,"Absolutely not. It’s not easy seeing your old friends make new friends and move on from you, I’ve had the same experiences with my friends, but you definitely shouldn’t feel bad at all ",0.5377,positive,agreeing 1760,depressed,am i selfish for being upset over this?,speaker,3,thank you this means a lot 💞💞,0.9022,positive,acknowledging 1760,depressed,am i selfish for being upset over this?,listener_2,4,💕,0.6486,positive,impressed 1761,depressed,Any depressed college students out there?,speaker,1,How are you? Can you even go to classes? Do you feel motivated enough to study? Share your experience!,0.7212,positive,questioning 1761,depressed,Any depressed college students out there?,listener_1,2,I definitely don’t feel motivated to study. I dropped my MAT 212 class this semester because I didn’t want to do homework for it.,0.7184,positive,guilty 1761,depressed,Any depressed college students out there?,speaker,3,"As for myself i did really bad last semester. I barely went to classes at all because i didn't feel motivated. I only passed one class, and it was with the minimum grade required. I'm doing a little better this semester, i'm going to almost all my classes, but still i don't feel motivated to study. I missed a test this week, hoping i can pass that class in the final exam",-0.5651,negative,disappointed 1761,depressed,Any depressed college students out there?,listener_1,4,This is a much better way to put it thank you,0.6597,positive,sympathizing 1762,depressed,Breakup,speaker,1,"I'm going through a breakup, and for it, it gets me thinking of being fat, and alone, and how no one will care about me. I want to kill myself, not because of the breakup. But because of my intense, gargantuan, and monstrous fear of being alone. I need someone to want me. I don't know if that's scummy. I cannot be alone. I'm posting here cause it's the opposite of keeping it to myself and being alone. I need to have a real point of existence. If I'm here for no one else, then why would I live on this planet? I cannot be alone. It's unproductive. I need someone.",-0.8651,negative,lonely 1762,depressed,Breakup,listener_1,2,"It’s not scummy to feel like you need other people to justify your existence. We’re social creatures and often rely on others for our own self image. Although in my opinion it’s not healthy to rely on others for self acceptance or self love I do think that your feelings are valid. As for being overweight, 1 it’s okay to be overweight and people will still find you attractive regardless Because personality is a huge factor in attractiveness 2 if you don’t like it, you can always change it. Exercise helps a lot with Boosting your mood and attaining feelings of confidence. I think it’s important to always be striving for progress in life, but it’s up to you to set goals for yourself. That’s one way of fighting feelings of hopelessness; set small, reasonable goals and work on completing those goals so that you incrementally, over time, change yourself into being the person you want to be. Maybe take this time being single to build yourself into the person that you want to be, and in that process of self development, who knows you might meet someone who enjoys being with you while you do it. I think that love is about nurturing and supporting your significant others personal growth as an individual. But if you haven’t planted the seed of growth yet, it might make it harder to find a partner. I just went through a breakup too and it’s been really rough, and I completely feel you on the fear of being alone, it keeps me up at night with panic attacks but one thing that helps calm me down is a quote I heard from the song “going gets tough” by the growlers. It’s “man’s never alone if he can offer help” a gendered phrase but I think it applies to the human condition, people will accept you and appreciate you if you are willing to help. I hope this helps, and if you ever feel like the weight is overwhelming you and you found my input helpful shoot me a message I’ll try my best to talk you through it. ",0.9942,positive,trusting 1762,depressed,Breakup,speaker,3,"Hey, that quote is actually amazing. I've never thought of it that way, and it's also cool that you are living that quote right now. Honestly, I appreciate you responding to this post. It helps a lot, feeling that people care, and want to help. In regards to exercise, I will take it as a challenge to get into that routine, and to make me a better person not only physically, but emotionally and mentally.",0.9032,positive,grateful 1762,depressed,Breakup,listener_1,4,"I’m so glad it helped you. Just know that you’re not alone in your struggle and people do care about you, even if it doesn’t seem that way. And yes take the time to make the changes you want to see in your life, and don’t be afraid to fail that’s how you learn (cliche but true). If you ever feel down, feel free to message me because odds are I’m probably feeling similar to you because I’m currently overweight and fresh off a breakup and trying to do the same thing you are. Stay strong and don’t be afraid to reach out",0.951,positive,grateful 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_2,1,There’s genuinely no reason to bother anymore ,-0.5574,negative,questioning 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_3,2,What's going on in your life? What do they not believe you about?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_2,3,Thank you❤️❤️,0.3612,positive,grateful 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_4,4,Stop wishing that......hugs to you too.,-0.0772,negative,wishing 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_2,5,"Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate it❤️",0.8357,positive,sympathizing 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_5,6,Thank you ..,0.3612,positive,wishing 1762,depressed,I wish I was dead,listener_4,7,You're very welcome. I hope you are feeling better. 🙂,0.9112,positive,consoling 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,speaker,1,"I’ve just made this throwaway account, I’m not asking for sympathy or people to feel for me I’m just here to hear other people out and connect to people in the same place. Here’s some information about me: I’m a 18 year old guy, I live with my mum and her partner I have no hobbies, I would say I have 3 friends, 2 of which I’ve never even met and the other one we talk everyday/hang out, all we do is smoke weed together and talk about bullshit. My parents split up when I was 13, which is when I got depressed, I stopped going to school and when I did I was in a special class with all the other outcasts and kids with behavioural problems, my mum met someone after a while and was happy and even got engaged. Until me and my brother realised her and her new fiancé were doing coke together and that relationship ended, my older brother moved out and it was just me and my mum, my mum turned to alcohol, cocaine and at one point tried to purposely overdose while I was in the next room, luckily I found her and the ambulance arrived. Still after this she abused alcohol (vodka) and still cocaine. After years of that, I went to college at 17 for one year, I did a Business/I.T course which was a terrible course and I received no certificate or degree worth anything. However this was probably the best year of my life, I was going outside everyday, I made like 5 friends from my class, when this course ended we all stopped talking and did different things. Now we are here, around a year later I’m unemployed and can’t get a job because I have no GCSE or Degrees, I’m severely depressed and nobody knows it, my anxiety is getting worse it’s a challenge for me to sometimes even go outside in my garden to just smoke (not because it’s weed) incase there’s other people in their gardens/windows. As I am unemployed and have no money I have taught myself fraud and even turned to selling drugs online via Darkweb/Snapchat and even taking some myself. Last night I was laying in bed crying literally thinking if I was gonna end it all how would I do it, which I wouldn’t cause I know I’m too much of a pussy, and just this morning I was so angry for no reason I literally just picked up a wooden chopping board and smashed it on my head. (Yes I know very random choice of object) I don’t know where this post is going or what I even expect to come from it, I just needed to write something down. Feel free to message me or comment what you want - Illmatic27th P.S I’m going to smoke a J and read the replies after If there is any ",-0.9572,negative,content 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,listener_1,2,"Hey man I understand ya a bit. Sounds like your in the UK, I’m 25 and from the US. My parents split when I was born, always picked on by my siblings for being the baby. I constantly have thought how would I do it, but I too am a pussy for that. Though I think it’s good we are, wouldn’t be able to connect with you on this. I actually do feel better and worse knowing people have the same feelings or similar feelings as me. I feel less alone. Whenever I go to classes I don’t talk to anyone if I don’t have to. I’m shy and feel old at college. Idk keep writing out man, someone will always be able to connecf.",0.036000000000000004,neutral,jealous 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,speaker,3,"That’s the thing I’m not going to classes anymore I’m at home all day jacking off, watching Netflix, smoking weed and waiting for just someone to message me so I have someone to talk to, when I do go out I don’t like going out with people I don’t know aka my friends, friends. I have absolutely zero hobbies, I use to be a heavy gamer but that fizzled out and I don’t like games anymore, nobody will hire me and if they do it will be a shitty warehouse job with no way of progressing or making something of myself. The only thing I can think of is going back to college for another course which I don’t even know what because I have no interests",-0.4039,negative,lonely 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,listener_1,4,Maybe try a psychology course? Might learn random things that might interest you and possibly go from there? I I just quit my job last week so I need to detox so I can even get another job.,0.5204,positive,suggesting 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,speaker,5,"I would love to do psychology. Apart from I fucked that up by not going to school, nobody’s going to let me on a psychology course when I don’t even have any grades/GCSE’s",-0.0516,negative,angry 1763,depressed,Feel like there’s no point going on,speaker,6,"I’ve not once self harmed or really ever thought about it, apart from the other night. And I see what you mean about not having to “go somewhere” I always think you have one life and when it’s over it’s over, I wanna be on my death bed thinking I lived one badass life. ",0.0139,neutral,proud 1764,depressed,Abortion Guilt,speaker,1,"Does anyone else deal with the guilt of abortions? The only downside for me is, I still don’t know if she was truly pregnant. She was crazy, beautiful, and I loved her. Supposedly we were to have twins in 2016... but I told her to get an abortion because I didn’t want to stay with her crazy ass. Which ultimately led to me ghosting her and her “getting an abortion”. She supposedly had an ultrasound of them, Once again supposedly twins, and has tried to get me to see it many times. But I can’t bring myself to ever see the picture. I completely avoid her these days as she is probably unhappily married again with her ex who treats her like shit and is a terrible father. I blame myself for that as well. I wish she could’ve had better, I wish I wasn’t an asshole. Now I just live with the weight of abortions on my shoulders, and when I see my niece and think I would’ve had two girls about her age, what would my life be like... I feel like dying to get rid of that feeling.",-0.1128,negative,trusting 1764,depressed,Abortion Guilt,listener_1,2,This is a really sad story. I think we all been there. How old were you then? ,-0.5256,negative,questioning 1764,depressed,Abortion Guilt,speaker,3,I was 22.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1764,depressed,Empty,listener_2,1,"Since a long Time i feel like something is missing in my life but i dont know what it is i always have a feeling like i should find the something, its terribel and it stops me from feeling complete and happy i have no Idea what ''it'' is or how i could get ''it'' but the feeling im suposed to have ''it'' is always there sometimes the feeling is strong and almost everything i feel and sometimes its quite and only in the background but i dont know what to do while im writting this the Feeling is very String and i almost feel like killing miself becouse i feel like i am uncomplete and everithing i do doesnt count aslong as i dont have ''it'' ",0.9426,positive,disappointed 1764,depressed,Empty,listener_3,2,Have you ever attempted suicide?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 1764,depressed,Empty,listener_2,3,only thought of it,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1765,depressed,I am disgusting.,speaker,1,"Im so tired. Im tired of everything and everyone. I always hated myself, but finding out I have a weird and complex syndrome that basically means i cant have sex and cant have children has broken me. I cant look at myself, i feel so disguisting. useless. Im tired of crying, im tired of not beeing able to sleep. keeping this secret is so exhausting. im tired of pretending everythings fine when all i want is to stop existing. im tired of my therapist saying «ur just a little depressed, your gonna get over it». fuck off. im so sick of my parents asking me if im ok, im not ok. i will never be ok. im a freak. no one will ever love me. i just want to be normal. ",-0.9953,negative,sad 1765,depressed,I am disgusting.,listener_1,2,"hey, what syndrome do you have? i’m sorry you’re feeling this way.",0.0516,positive,sympathizing 1765,depressed,I am disgusting.,speaker,3,"mayer-rokitansky-küster-hauser syndrome (or mrkh for short). I was born without a vagina and a uterus, so there are many doctor and gynecologist visits in my future. thank you for responding, yesterday was a hard one.",0.2732,positive,wishing 1765,depressed,I am disgusting.,listener_2,4,"You probably won't believe me now, but there are a lot of people out there who don't want children and others who are ok with adopting. And on the sex front, well there are many ways to enjoy sex, PIV is only one of them. Don't feel that it's a failure at all, you certainly didn't do anything wrong!",0.8931,positive,agreeing 1766,depressed,Am i a terrible employee?,speaker,1,"There are days, like today when it just feels so hard to breathe, and my body feels heavy and my chest hurts, I don't want to move, or get up, and everything feels so painful. I'm so tired, I just want to stay in bed but this happens so often, maybe too often, and I end up taking a sick day from work and I feel terrible Am I a bad employee? A bad person? Should I just suck it up and push myself to go? I'm not sure what to do. I feel aweful",-0.985,negative,ashamed 1766,depressed,Am i a terrible employee?,listener_1,2,"No one can ever be a terrible employee, the fact you spend your most valuable resources — time and mental health — to make profit for someone else, who most likely doesn’t care about you at all, in exchange for possibly a bare minimum liveable wage makes you an excellent employee by default. Please abuse the system as much as you can in your own benefit at all times!",0.8607,positive,furious 1766,depressed,Am i a terrible employee?,listener_1,3,"First of all, I’m sorry OP feels this way, but out of curiousity, why is this downvoted? As my comment’s main concern was to aspire the OP to not feel bad about feeling as a terrible employee, as I stand by my point caused by personal experience with being exploited as an emplyee and not wanting to go to work.",-0.5824,negative,sympathizing 1766,depressed,Am i a terrible employee?,speaker,4,I see a psychiatrist and I'm on medication which helps a bit but not a lot I've been told to see a therapist but I'm not sure if just talking would help this situation,0.4417,positive,apprehensive 1766,depressed,Am i a terrible employee?,listener_2,5,"Keep telling the psych that it isn’t helping a whole lot, but also see a regular doctor. They can make sure your body isn’t shorting you on what it should be making. Make sure your pituitary gland and all those bits are working right. And, as I’m sure you’ve heard, exercise and get enough sleep! ",0.8671,positive,agreeing 1767,depressed,Maybe relationships weren't meant to last because there is no such thing as limitless interaction,speaker,1,"We all need space, and if this time apart from a person of interest is not met, they often get tired of us. Maybe relationships of any kind weren't meant to last forever because we are all comparable to lost souls with paths that intersect at a part in life, but never really become collinear. &#x200B; And even if I know that this is true, it still doesn't take the pain away from every single friendship, relationship, family relative that I lose no matter how hard I try or how hard I strive to be a ""better person"". &#x200B; Because at the end of the day, I have no one else but myself, so I blame my misfortune on my inability to be enough to the people I care and love the most. ",0.9173,positive,sad 1767,depressed,Maybe relationships weren't meant to last because there is no such thing as limitless interaction,listener_1,2,It is so for all. At the end of the day. We are all essentially alone though friends and loved ones come and go.,0.7184,positive,lonely 1767,depressed,Maybe relationships weren't meant to last because there is no such thing as limitless interaction,speaker,3,"If this is true for all, if life were uncertain, then what reason is there to invest so much in one person only to have it all disappear after an argument? I guess I have problems with accepting that life is meant to be uncertain and I find myself craving stability even in the hands of my oppressor. Should I be the oppressor, I never intended to be, but often such details are clouded by ravaging emotions concocted from a singular event. Bottom line is I’m just really heckin’ sad. : ( ",-0.8135,negative,apprehensive 1768,depressed,This is for you reddit. Take your time reading it.,speaker,1,"Have you ever felt lonely? I mean of course you had, who hasn't? But did you ever really think about it? What it feels like having that feeling for 12 hours a day, on weekends 24hours a day? Have you ever thought about the people around you and if they have the same feeling? I have. This is what i feel like every day. I get up to go to school, come back home to my depressed self. In the last few days i had more aggression in me, than sadness. Kind of a mix of both. But some days it gets to me. I'll try explaining the feeling: Imagine being in bed. The thermostat reading 20°C. And then you're still cuddled up in your ""warm"" blanket. Now you'd think that you're quite warm, sweating even. But no. You feel cold. Almost as if you'd walk around in a t-shirt and shorts in the middle of winter in russia. Now you hug yourself, cause thats what you feel like. It actually helps a little. Then you think about it. Start crying. Then you want to just end it with one pull of the trigger. But you can't. What would people think of you? How would your mother feel? That's what keeps me up. Me not being able to sleep. Being in school actually makes me happy, cause that's the time i actually feel like not being alone... ",0.9641,positive,lonely 1768,depressed,This is for you reddit. Take your time reading it.,listener_1,2,Isn't it strange how hard life can be?,0.0495,neutral,questioning 1768,depressed,This is for you reddit. Take your time reading it.,speaker,3,It truly is. It is the hardest challenge. ,0.4939,positive,agreeing 1768,depressed,This is for you reddit. Take your time reading it.,speaker,4,Keep yourself motivated. I believe all good things come back to you. <3,0.7096,positive,faithful 1769,depressed,I Am Becoming More and More Depressed Everyday,speaker,1,"Almost everyday, I (M18) am becoming so much more depressed and unhappy. There are a few reasons as to why I am this way and they all constantly cause me to lose my motivation. It all started recently, roughly at the beginning of this month. The first and biggest reason is that, my current ex-girlfriend of one year and two months broke up with me. Permanently. We had already taken a long break with each other, prior to us splitting up and I hoped that she was ready to be committed and rekindle our love. Sadly I was mistaken, as we broke up once again only this time, for it to be permanent. I love(d) her so much and it is the main reason as to why I bave had these negative thoughts. The second reason is my bad health. Constant headaches and receiving treatment on my brain, because of an unfortunate incident that occurred three years ago, which lead me to my second brain hemorrhage. It frustrates me so much because it prevents me from doing the things I want to do. I get upset that I don't have the capability to do the things that I enjoy as I'm being restricted by my bad health. I also lack the motivation to do my college work, as I am not enthused and have so much bigger issues to worry about. I always find myself slacking and procrastinating majority of the time, as I feel as though the purpose of studying is just pointless. I just want to end my life because this has been happening for so long. I don't see myself getting any better and I don't know if I can continue living life like this anymore, I don't know what to do. Any suggestions to make light of the situation will be grateful, thanks in advance!",-0.9565,negative,sad 1769,depressed,I Am Becoming More and More Depressed Everyday,listener_1,2,"Have you tried dating after your ex? How has that been going? Sorry to hear about your brain hemorrhages that sounds really scary. I don’t have any experience with that but maybe it would be helpful to talk to a therapist or physiatrist about how it effects ur mental health, and also use it as a chance to talk about your ex and heal from that. Also are you being medicated for your depression? Sorry for the questions I just don’t know a lot about your situation to give any advice that might be helpful. Youre not alone though, feeling this hopelessness after a break up even a year after is what I’m going thru too and looking thru past threads a lot of people have gone thru it too. Sometimes it’s helpful to see those, and there would be updates from those posters about how better they’re doing. Might be inspirational to look at? Sorry if none of this is helpful, but know there is help for you out there if you need it and people care. ",0.9628,positive,questioning 1769,depressed,I Am Becoming More and More Depressed Everyday,speaker,3,"Thanks for your reply. I haven't tried dating after my ex because I'm afraid of the same situation happening again - I get attached and committed, only for her to breakup with me. I'm still so very hung up on her and I know that I'll never find that 'something' which made me fall in love in her, with someone else. My mental health is just negative. I have really negative thoughts to do certain things that I never, ever would've imagined doing. I haven't spoken to anyone about it yet, but I have been referred to speak to a psychologist by support from college. Hopefully it will only be blue skies from there. I'll take the initiative to look at past threads; it could be beneficial. It's also not an issue at all. Your advice is really helpful and I really do appreciate your concerns. Thanks once again! ",0.9776,positive,apprehensive 1770,depressed,Getting through my depression,speaker,1,"Hey guys, please let me know if this is against the guidelines, but it's been a year since I first got help for a 5+ year depression, and I'm doing so much better! I made a video about it, if you want to watch it, but I just wanted to share my story :) \[TW\] [https://youtu.be/Onq3IkcClZw](https://youtu.be/Onq3IkcClZw) ",0.8992,positive,joyful 1770,depressed,Getting through my depression,listener_1,2,"We remove spam, but you don't seem like a spammer to me.",-0.8278,negative,neutral 1770,depressed,Getting through my depression,speaker,3,Thank you so much for the comment and suggestion! I'll definitely consider it,0.6696,positive,agreeing 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,speaker,1,"I’m 39, have a wonderful family, have a home (not renting). Seem to be doing well. But am completely unfulfilled in life. The only thing that seems to make me happy is my daughter. Which coincidentally is the only reason I am stable or still living. I don’t have the same passion for life. Things are not exciting, I could care less to go out and be social. I guess to sum it up... I don’t really care for the life I’ve created and don’t really want to live but love my family too much to leave them. I’d really like to talk to someone or just hear some words that might help me see things differently. ",0.9876,positive,content 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,listener_1,2,I learned about what I live for and it showed me enough.,0.0,neutral,grateful 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,speaker,3,What do you mean?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,listener_1,4,"In your case, you mention family/child, and that would be 'enough'. Parents should be parents 1st, wife/husband/partner 2nd, family relationships 3rd, work interactions 4th, hobby/leisure 5th etc., and sense of meaning should follow.",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,speaker,5,"Thank you, I truly appreciate your words. Ironically I read your message last night after I got out of Judo... something new I recently got into and felt so good. Your words were spot on, thanks for the positivity. The world is better with people like yourself. ",0.97,positive,grateful 1771,depressed,39 yr old. My life is not at all fulfilling. Anyone else share this?,speaker,6,Well I appreciate your appreciation of my life but please understand I do not in any way consider my life trash. In fact it’s the opposite I treasure what I have which is why I am here. Being a good father and a good husband. I am only seeking something deeper in my life’s work. ,0.9517,positive,grateful 1772,depressed,Everyone hates me,speaker,1,"Work is making me feel so useless lately. Everyone hates me. People keep running into me I try my best to get out of the way but it’s like I’m invisible. Then when this happens I feel like such a useless waste of space and I know everyone wishes I wasn’t there. Everyone stands around talking and laughing sometimes and I’m just kind of to the side. I can’t join in. If I do and I try to say something it just gets awkward, people start to walk away, silence, someone changes the subject. Or I’m just ignored completely. I’ve asked people questions loudly and they don’t answer and they will start talking to someone else. It’s like I don’t exist. It’s so frustrating. ",-0.0695,negative,lonely 1772,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_1,2,It’s sounds like you work with some real assholes. I’m sorry. ,-0.3818,negative,acknowledging 1772,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_2,3,"Sorry bro, that's how I feel when I'm in a conversation too. Than when I sat talking I feel like an idiot, like I'm doi g something wrong.",-0.4019,negative,embarrassed 1772,depressed,Everyone hates me,speaker,4,Yeah people give me more of a chance at first then in awkward and shy and they don’t like me anymore. I quit that job got a new one that’s less stressful and has kinder people so I’m better off now.,0.774,positive,neutral 1772,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_3,5,Ok cool. I'm glad. 👍,0.7579,positive,acknowledging 1773,depressed,My mother tells me to kill myself and wishes I was never born..,speaker,1,Can anyone tell me is this normal? My mom is always pissed because I’m unmotivated in school due to these hurtful things she says.. am I wrong? Am I wrong for being unmotivated and sad for these hurtful words? I just don’t know anymore. ,-0.9767,negative,angry 1773,depressed,My mother tells me to kill myself and wishes I was never born..,listener_1,2,It’s not normal. I’m so sorry that this has been said to you so many times that you may begin to believe it. Depression and not being motivated is a daily struggle that people don’t understand. You are so AMAZING. For pushing through every single day so far. You are so strong and I’m proud of you.,0.7098,positive,sympathizing 1773,depressed,My mother tells me to kill myself and wishes I was never born..,speaker,3,Thank you I really needed some kind words I really appreciate it! ,0.8573,positive,grateful 1774,depressed,I’m ready to die,speaker,1,"I just made a post and its so stupid my problems are so minuscule compared to real problems in the world. I’m starting to realize I can’t handle these emotions I feel everyday. Everyday is a struggle and suffering and misery for me. I’ve been trying to recover and there’s been times I’ve been happy kind of but I always go back to this deep dark agonizingly lonely hole. I would rather feel nothing at all,not even happiness, then to know this sadness. I hate feeling this way and I never want to feel it again. I know if I worked hard maybe I could get better but I don’t feel like working hard. I’m lazy and tired. I’m tired of being alive. It’s just a struggle to exist. I feel proud of myself for forcing myself out of bed, whereas other people are out fulfilling their goals and dreams. I have to kill myself. I don’t want to but there’s no other option. I don’t want to go to work anymore. I don’t feel like getting another job. I don’t want to be homeless. I’m useless to society. I’m just working up the courage to do it. Then my worthless body will decompose and rot away, and I will finally not being a waste of space in the world anymore. If someone actually reads this just know I’m not going to kill myself right now. I just needed to put down all these thoughts that race through my head I need them out.",-0.9517,negative,sad 1774,depressed,I’m ready to die,listener_1,2,"You should reach out to someone like a family member or friend. If you feel like you’re unable to work due to these feelings then maybe you should quit (although don’t know your complete situation- only if you have some place to go like family members home, friend’s home) or take some time off if you can like vacation. Have you seemed medical help or a therapist? ",0.9325,positive,suggesting 1774,depressed,I’m ready to die,speaker,3,"Thanks for your reply I appreciate it, I really wish I could go somewhere but I haven’t worked there very long so they would probably fire me if I took a vacation. Yeah I have. ",0.5418,positive,sympathizing 1774,depressed,I’m ready to die,listener_1,4,If it were me I’d stay at my parents house if i was feeling suicidal. Have someone look over me. It’s really hard to work with those feelings. And it sounds like you’re at a very emotional heighten state. If you’re actually considering suicide you should probably admit yourself to a hospital. I don’t know if that’s offensive or bad advice but it’s the most logical if you’re dealing w someone who’s suicidal. ,-0.926,negative,suggesting 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,speaker,1,"i found out my wife cheated on last year and took a paternity test, the children aren't mine...i do so well at work but i go home to emptiness since the divorce. she's moved on, my friends are too busy to listen, i am not close to my family, i feel all alone. i loved my old life but it's no more. i lawyered up, hit the gym, deleted facebook, i moved on so i should be fine right? i tried dating, i can't seem to make the connection, i just want to go home and be someone's priority. i go through the motions and i just wish i could die. i feel alone and if i die alone no one would even know i'm gone.",-0.9048,negative,lonely 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,listener_1,2,"Hey! You did everything you could for this relationship, invested time, effort and love. Its out of your reach and certainly NOT your fault your wife is a horrible human being. Of course its gonna be super difficult, but in time and with the right distractions you will move on. The fact that you are doing well on work is great! What you need to do is to find new, small aspects of yourself you never knew you had/ hobbies you always wanted to try but you never got the chance to. Did you use to like the idea of learning an instrument or riding a motorbike when you were a kid? Now its your chance to try! You never know what comes out of it. How about you take some time off work and travel by yourself? This will quarantee that you will meet new people. Most importantly though, you have to realise that what happened wasnt your doing. You just happened to be the receiver of unjustice. Take a deep breath and restart. Shit happens, but now its time to get back on track and live again.",0.9273,positive,neutral 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,listener_2,3,"My cousin met his wife online and she was from South Korea, that started talking daily and eventually he went to visit her in SK. Now they're married with 2 lovely kids. Sometimes the love of your life is from a whole different world, so try travelling! You'll never know what you could find and you'll make great memories that cant be tainted by anyone else.",0.9245,positive,joyful 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,speaker,4,"4, 3, 1....i don't know what to do anymore.... i loved being a dad...after a horrible childhood, i wanted to do everything i could so they didn't grow up the way i grew up.",0.1027,positive,caring 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,listener_3,5,"4, 3, 1....sucks...i was dad to them",0.0,neutral,neutral 1775,depressed,my wife cheated on me...the children aren't mine. i feel so alone...,listener_4,6,"It is a complicated situation. She cheated on you at least 3 times, and you raised these kids as your own. Do you feel any less love for them? Upon reading their ages, your wife seems quite callous and cruel. Objectively, they are at that age where they might not remember you should you choose to detach and move on. You can work through this. ",-0.5356,negative,questioning 1776,depressed,I dont know what to do,speaker,1,"Hello, this is my first reddit post so, please dont judge and I just need some support right now. First off, I am bi and I take pride in who I am, but, recently I went to go visit my grandma and some stuff went down. Me, my mom (who knew I was bi), and my grandma were sitting and talking at the table when sexuality came up in the conversation. Oh good I thought this could help me see if my grandma would accept me for who I was. And some backstory, me and my grandma have had a very close relationship for my whole life, I could not imagine my life with out her. Well my heart stopped when I heard my grandma say, ""I dont believe in homosexual or lesbian life styles."" I immediately stood up, grabbed my phone and walked to the bathroom holding back tears. As soon as I got there I started sobbing, as an already insecure 13 year old with horrible self confidence, i was DESTROYED. I sat there for a moment than I put on my hoodie and went for a short walk. As I was walking I start thinking, what do i do, who do i turn to. When I got back I went upstairs and texted my lesbian friend saying ""I need to talk"" but she was busy. I than called my straight friend who we will call Shelly, she answered but I just could find the strength to tell her so I hung up. I just laid down on the air mattress my mom set up until I heard the door open to the stairs. It was my mom who came to the room and told me how much she loved me and that my grandma wouldn't have said that if she knew. Of course I was crying the whole time. After I calmed down I hung out with some other relatives that were there and just tried to relax. Hours go by and I get a call from Shelly. She asks me what was wrong and I tell her the whole story. She didn't give a fucking shit, she just went ""okay."" Just imagine you are in this situation, wouldn't you have at least said, oh I'm sorry, or at least try to show that you care but no she just said okay. This made me realize that Shelly just doesn't really understand real problems, I fact a couple weeks earlier in class we were talking about suicide and what you can do if you are thinking those thoughts. But Shelly sits there like she is listening to a college lecture. Now I just dont know what to do with the realization that my grandma wont accept me and my best friend wont listen to my problems, I just feel like shit, please help.",0.979,positive,trusting 1776,depressed,I dont know what to do,listener_1,2,"You seem to have posted this with a markup that has turned it into text you have to scroll horizontally to read. It seems like you have some issues to work through especially with identity and acceptance and turning to your loved ones only for them to spout some dogma, it really must be tough to hear. Going through life you are looking for that person that can finally understand you for who you are without judgement. In the wider world there are those kinds of people, a huge percentage of the 7 billion humans are kind, accepting and non-judgemental. Continue being yourself, don't let people break down who you are against who they want you to be. Remember that people have their own emotions and go through their own issues, so when their emotional level is not so accepting, and perhaps they are in a bad mood, this is especially true as you get older, then you will say something more negative than something positive. This is generally made worse with whatever medication they are taking or perhaps they take none and are just grumpy or having a bad day. I've learned through having siblings and family that when you don't represent who they want, they will try and break you down with insults and rude comments. Wear your identity on you like armour. This is the battle of life. You seem like a strong person so you can do it! Perservere! ",0.8286,positive,annoyed 1776,depressed,I dont know what to do,speaker,3,"Thank you. Also I know that Shelly could be working through stuff but, she is always such a ray of sunshine who always does the right thing. If she had problems of her own that she didn't feel like telling me, that just makes me feel like less of a friend. Anyways, thank you.",0.8817,positive,neutral 1776,depressed,I dont know what to do,listener_1,4,"For whatever reason, Shelly simply does not understand the pain and turmoil her actions/words cause. Should you choose to open up about it more and explain her actions have hurt you, it might open a door to expand your friendship. Chin up",0.2505,positive,trusting 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",speaker,1,"(M20) Thank you for reading. I feel like rotting away and dying. I feel like I have no one to talk to even though there could be a couple pals but I'm tired of talking about my life to anyone. Me talking to someone makes me feel like I'll get overly attached and our friendship will turn to ruins or I'm just depressed again. Constant thoughts about the relationship my parents share haunt me. They've not spoken to each other as husband or a wife since years now. Constant fights, arguments since i was a kid. I feel like things will never get fixed between them and that I'll never have a happy mom or dad who are satisfied with each other. I don't have any good memories lately with them and i feel like till their last breath, they will never stop fighting. My mom doesn't live with me and my dad but she's with us for a short while. She'll be gone soon. Again. I had two very close friends. I lost them. It still haunts me. Our circumstances changed and we stopped talking. I have never been in a relationship. I think it's not only because I have high standards but also because how I'd like to take relationships seriously because being brought up in an atmosphere where my parents always fought, we leaving the house midnight, domestic violence, cheating ... I don't want to go through that all over again which is maybe why I'm being very particular. But lately i think girls aren't attracted to me at all. I'm a 6'2 dude and people tell me I'm really handsome. Heck, people don't believe me when i say I've been single all my life but this has started to take a toll on me now. I don't feel loved, depression is back again. I feel so alone. I don't feel like working anymore on myself. I wish someone could take all this pain away but i guess it will only come back. Girls who I've liked have never liked me until now. This feeling is eating me up. Again. Managing college with all of this is murdering me. My life scares me. I see an empty me who will never really be loved by someone who i also love.",-0.9869,negative,lonely 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",listener_1,2,"Hang in there bud. It sounds like you’re going through a really rough time and I hope that you find a way to pull through. I (m23) also hadn’t ever been in a relationship by the time I was 20 and I felt (and still feel) very similar to what you’re describing about. My parents situation isn’t to the same degree yours as yours but I can relate to an extent because they have been fighting my whole life and are at a point in time where for the last 10 years or so they only talk to each other out of obligation and it is always filled with bitterness and contempt so it puts a very bitter taste in my mouth when it comes to my outlook on relationships. And as it seems like you do too I find it really hard to talk about these feeling with friends and even my counselor because I feel like I’m bringing them down by being sad. I feel like it pushes them away and makes me feel like I’m a burden to be around. I guess the point of me telling you this is that you’re not alone, and that what you’re experiencing is valid. I think being in a relationship does help but it won’t fix how you feel. I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship and I can tell you that it was more of a bandaid on my problems that it was a solution to them. Now I’m right back where I was emotionally before the relationship and having to deal with all the same problems and it’s really tough. I wish you luck and if you ever want to talk about this stuff more please feel free to message me, and don’t feel like you’re being a burden because odds are I feel something similar to you and hopefully we could help each other talk through it. Best of luck and keep your chin up, I hope this helps. ",0.9887,positive,consoling 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",speaker,3,Thank you so much. Fact that you spent your time reading whatever i wrote means a lot. I'd love to talk. ,0.7717,positive,wishing 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",speaker,4,I've been trying to understand your perspective and it does make sense upto a certain extent. Thank you for your vital observation. ,0.7003,positive,neutral 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",listener_2,5,"Some people want someone who’s the next big thing, there are lots of those out there",0.0772,positive,jealous 1777,depressed,"I feel alone, not loved and feel like my misery will never end.",speaker,6,"Right. Often, you'd always want to lay your hands on stuff you can not get. Objects, relationships etc. ",0.0772,positive,agreeing 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,speaker,1,"So backstory. I'm a 36-year old fat person who mostly hates myself for various reasons. I was a caregiver for my mom who got sick from breast cancer and chemo and declined shortly after that and got worse when my dad ended up in prison back in 2014. I could be off on the year cause the past year the days have kinda blended together and for the most part I can't remember a lot. So I took care of my mom and worked a shitty job but it was a job (Arbys). Around Feb 2018 mom got worse and around March she went into a nursing home (She would go into one often, but I finally convinced her that she would be better in one long-term and we finally found one she liked) and I took a full-time job that was gonna be better than my PT junk-hole. Also, we had roommates which sometimes changed but it was extra sources of income or such. My mom was a caring person who didn't want people we knew to be homeless and such so we let people stay for little sums of money or helping with things around the house. &#x200B; So March she's in a nursing home, I have a job that I tolerated for better money, and I get a call stating that mom made too much money in the past 5 years to qualify for Medicaid (or care, whichever is the senior one) so she had to come back to the house. I also get informed that she requested to be put on hospice and they would move the services as Hospice at Home. So she comes back, I become FT caregiver, and she slowly lets go. My mom passed on May 1st, 2018. I'm kinda destroyed since my mom was my world and I tried to care for her but I feel like I let her down, But I persevere through. May 16th, my dad passes in prison. Still kinda in shock from mom, it's softened since it all hit at once. Didn't really think about the ripples till later on when I can't handle anything that was moms (we never set a will, cause I didn't wanna think about it thinking she was still young at 65 and she WAS getting better at first nor did she wanna talk about; Yes I know I fucked up) without dealing with a probate lawyer which I don't have any money as it is. &#x200B; I've been stuck in a rut since they both passed and every time I try to get back on my feet, I fail. Mostly cause of me as I give up trying at times. I've been in the process of trying to empty out this house (it was their home, but there's still a mortgage and the bank filed a foreclosure in December so I know I have to empty it out but every time I start to, I get sidetracked, find something of theirs and then fall back into a spiral of self-loathness and hatred) . I feel like I'm failing myself as I failed them. I'm failing my son as I haven't seen him in months. I tried to have another roommate in June after mom passed, and they left after stealing my TV and not paying anything. I then tried another roommate in August and they left without paying so I was w/o water from the end of August - December when a family member helped me out. I had gotten a job somewhere in September and another friend bought me a gym membership so I could shower there and still work. It feels as if when I had less, I rose up and handled things, but now I'm ok at home with a job (still shitty at 10-18 hrs a week despite trying to get more hours) I figuratively fall and can't get back up. &#x200B; I honestly feel like I'm a failure at life and the only thing that's really stopped me from hurting myself is I don't want my son to experience the heartbreak of something like that. I don't want him to think he'll grow up to become someone like me if I killed myself, but I don't want him to become someone like me as I am now. I've even been told I could try to make money with my voice (I sound like the Arbys guy who says we have the meats, which actually helped me when I worked there to get tips) but I'm so lost and disorientated most of the time I don't know how to get started with something like that. I mostly drink my days away or smoke green. I don't like being sober cause then the reality of things set in. I wanna die but refuse to kill myself. &#x200B;",-0.9919,negative,ashamed 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_1,2,Your not a failure and your still young. I sent you a private message &#x200B;,0.4023,positive,neutral 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_2,3,Please be careful about promoting religion in this sub.,0.6597,positive,consoling 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_3,4,"I’m sorry, am I supposed to promote getting drunk and high instead? I’m not promoting any religion I am just telling him to find a group that will support him. My advice just happens to reflect the idea of going to a christian church. Thank you.",0.457,positive,sympathizing 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_2,5,"Looks like you are promoting a specific religion, and no, suggesting drink/drugs is not welcome here either.",0.3653,positive,agreeing 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_3,6,"Ok. In that case, what am I allowed to say in r/depressed? I dont think limiting freedom of speech will help anyone with depression here either.",-0.6562,negative,agreeing 1778,depressed,Just looking for someone to tell me it's gonna be alright and that I'm not the failure I think I am,listener_2,7,"Sidebar has basic guidelines, including promoting religion.",0.3612,positive,trusting 1779,depressed,I’m scared of being vulnerable and am in denial about my whole life,speaker,1,"I’m scared of vulnerability. I’m pretty sad and suicidal, but i guess that’s why I’m here. I don’t feel like enough, I think about suicide every night, blah blah, blah, you have already heard it. I’m here because i just can’t talk to anybody. I don’t know if i can physically do it. I told my best friend once how i was feeling and she was so overwhelmed by it she didn’t know what the fuck to do. It took so much courage to do that, i didn’t really try again. But she had a boyfriend who would get worried about me because my friend was worried. He was also quite depressed so we depended on each other. I never really go the chance to say thank you properly to him as they broke up and we just stopped talking though. My sister has gone through a lot. I’m also a very in denial person. She told me what happened last year, but i have been so in denial about everything that i forgot. She told me i could ask fo help whenever. I knew my parents would support me but i never did. I spoke to an online councillor person this year. She wasn’t a robot, but she sounded like one. She offered websites for self helps and it just wasn’t what i expected so i stopped that. Also i was having a conversation with my friend this one time. We talked about family drama. The tip of the iceberg. Of what i remember. That night i came home and cried and cried. I hadn’t cried in ages. I didn’t know how i was gonna stop crying. I woke up the next morning crying too. I tried to stop myself a so went into the kitchen to have breakfast, but i couldn’t. My parents asked me what was wrong and i said i had too much homework. They were very supportive and nice and even n offered to speak to my teacher. I refused. That morning at school, i told my friends about how my parents were so supportive about me asking for an extension. Of course i left out the crying. One of my friends did something to upset me. It was last week but i don’t remember because of my awful selective memory. I just remember it sounded like an attack. I started crying and ran off to the bathrooms to clean up. Next thing i know i, walking into English class, convincing everyone fine and life is good. I am just so in denial about everything. I think it’s a coping mechanism. Especially since last year i was in a pretty dark place. Like i did not think i was going to make it so September (it was June/July) and then all of a sudden, one day i just felt happy and energised. It was so weird and now I’m sure it was either God or a coping mechanism. I know clinical depression runs in my family, and I probably have a problem with it but in the 4 or 5 times i have tried to reach out, it just never works. I don’t know what to do. Im scared to talk about things and don’t remember half of last year. Thanks for listening to my ted talk. ",0.7847,positive,lonely 1779,depressed,I’m scared of being vulnerable and am in denial about my whole life,listener_1,2,You can unburden yourself by talking to a therapist.,0.0,neutral,trusting 1779,depressed,I’m scared of being vulnerable and am in denial about my whole life,speaker,3,"Yeah, that’s not happening. I don’t think i could. ",0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,speaker,1,"Im 19 almost 20 and i feel like I’ve accomplishment nothing in life at all. My story is the following. I was born in Mexico to a single mother and brought to the US when i was one year old. My mom got married to this man and every since I have memory this man has treated me terribly. I’ve been told that he treated me well I was a baby but I don’t remember any of it. I used to be beaten almost everyday by this man and its left scars in my mental state. He would beat me for the most absurd things. He beat me because i didn’t all my multiplications, he beat me because I couldn’t hold a chicken while he killed the poor thing, he beat me because I wasn’t strong enough to help him do some mechanic things. He would tell me that I was useless and worthless. This has left a pretty big scar. And the worst thing of all is that mom wouldn’t do anything and i didn’t know why. I thought everyone just hated me. I just want someone to tell me that they are proud of me. Im going to college, I have a job, I have a girlfriend that I love, Im paying my rent and bills but even though I do have all of this I still feel worthless and useless. I feel alone and unwanted, hated by everyone. This leaves me to sob alone in the night because I don’t know if even deserve living. This has lead to many attempt suicides. I just want to know if Im truly worthless and useless. Am i truly hated? I just want to hear someone say they are proud of me...",-0.9884,negative,ashamed 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,listener_1,2,"I too have gone through a similar time, actually I’m still going through it.. but this is about you. I really don’t want you to end your life, I may not know you, but I care about you! You will find your meaning in life one day. I’m proud of you c,:",0.8912,positive,caring 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,speaker,3,I hate to hear that someone else is going through this. It actually bring me to tears. But Thank you. I need as much support as i can get. If you wanna talk about your issues Im here for you.,0.6124,positive,caring 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,speaker,4,I still live with him tho and he’s still a terrible father,-0.4767,negative,agreeing 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,listener_2,5,Do you have an escape plan? study or work?,0.264,positive,questioning 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,listener_2,6,My bad; you mentioned work/study.,-0.5423,negative,sympathizing 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,speaker,7,Its all good,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,speaker,8,Thank you. Im glad people are finding a little bit of time to support a stranger on the internet. I really do appreciate it.,0.8801,positive,grateful 1780,depressed,I just want to know what I actually am.,listener_3,9,"Dude I am almost 25, jobless, no school degrees and I dont even have drivers license... All I have is a big gaming addiction, I barely leave my room. You're doing great, just dont quit now, you survived all of your wrost days so far.",0.762,positive,content 1781,depressed,Only 13 y/o but I have depression,speaker,1,"As the title says, I'm only 13 y/o, but I have depression. The time to have it is very inappropriate, because school and so on makes everything harder. I don't have many friends (exactly 1) and everyone is somehow bullying me, mostly my friend. My friend does it for fun and doesn't know that it's no fun for me. I could easily kill myself, I mean nobody will miss me, but my cat makes my life better and I don't want to let her alone ",-0.8614,negative,ashamed 1781,depressed,Only 13 y/o but I have depression,listener_1,2,Don't end it. What about ur mom? Ur dad? ,0.0,neutral,questioning 1781,depressed,Only 13 y/o but I have depression,speaker,3,"I don't talk so much with them, I don't know if they love me or not ",0.6369,positive,lonely 1781,depressed,Only 13 y/o but I have depression,listener_1,4,"Talk to them then, they could help",0.4019,positive,suggesting 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,speaker,1,"So this week, I wanted a friend over. So my friend, who btw has never been to my house, her mom said maybe (this was the farthest, she usually says no) and I was excited. My mom, ruining my life like usual, drinks and gets drunk. I tell my friend what's happening and she says it's ok. I'm angry and my mom is just angry someone threw away her beer. Wasn't me this time. My dad says I made the right choice. But, my mom decides that I AM the one lost it. No, I'm not taking her sh** anymore and I stay in my room. She's yelling, dad and her are fighting. SHE ACTS LIKE THE VICTIM. My dad's exact words: ""our kids are basically prisoners in this house because of you. They can't have friends over!"" We've taken her to AA meetings every Thursday, she basically thought they were a waste of time. So she stopped going. I honestly loathe her deep inside and have been keeping these feelings bottled up for so long. I'm about to explode at her. Yell everything I've wanted to say to her at once. Things like, ""stupid alcoholic"", ""I can never have friends over because of you"", and ""you've ruined my life and everything"". I've told my friends, and once I wanted to host a Christmas party for us, 2 of my friends said no, because of HER. They were worried something might happen. And that hurt me. I was gonna have my other friend over for the first time and my dad calls and says ""your mom's drinking, she can't come over."" I started crying and told her. She was very understanding, and she invited me over to her house the next day. She is one of my greatest friends who I can talk to. So not all was lost. But, my Guinea pig, is now gone. He died suddenly from what we think is old age, so I can't talk to him anymore about my problems. Sometimes I feel like life just wants me to live in this bubble of pent up emotions and sadness forever. My mom just left I'm pretty sure, so I guess she's gone. Thanks for listening to my vent. ",-0.8334,negative,angry 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,listener_1,2,"You need to have a frank talk with your dad and say if your mom is not willing to get help, she can no longer live at home. Explain to him what you said about your resentment and the toll it is taking on your life. Tell him this is going to ultimately destroy your relationship with him as well. Home is supposed to be a safe place. By keeping you in this situation, he is enabling an unsafe living environment. If necessary, threaten to talk to school counselors which can prompt a CPS investigation. Not only does she not have any right to ruin your life like this, it is your father's responsibility to do what is best for his children. And having your mom in the house is not what's best. Maybe facing actual consequences for her drinking might prompt her to follow through with help but right now she is in no position to be a parent nor does she have the right to continue to negatively impact your your life. Your dad can end this by telling her she needs to leave until she faces her addiction. Fighting is not going to stop this. There needs to be actual action. ",-0.6859999999999999,negative,devastated 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,speaker,3,"There has been consequences. Multiple, liver disease, pain in her side, and even crashing g her car multiple times. My dad's taken us out of the house before and away, this isn't the worst I've seen. It's been going on since I was 8 and I'm 14 now. My dad's threatened a divorce, and she stopped for a while but then its started up again. She's basically also blamed me and my siblings for HER problem but after she said it to me, she drank and a day later she tried to kill herself. My room is a safe haven because she can't get up the stairs. Yes this needs to stop, I've tried but she isn't physical in any way. Kinda yells nothing and gets angry. I love her but at the same time I don't. She doesn't drink all the time but when she does she gets angry and mean.",-0.802,negative,furious 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,listener_1,4,"Do you have a relative you can live with? You need to put your foot down with your dad. Consult the school counselors and tell them what's going on. This is affecting your life as well as your mental health. If your mom is going to drive herself off a cliff, she doesn't need to take the family with her. Your dad has the power to get you out for good. You need to confront him with the full weight of how this is ruining your life and you shouldn't have to continue to deal with it anymore. He needs to decide if he wants an alcoholic wife in the house or to enable ruining the childhood of his own kid which can have life long repercussions for you. ",0.0772,positive,trusting 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,speaker,5,"There isn't sadly, but they do let me spend the night whenever. I wanna talk to him about my mental health except he basically thinks it's a phase that'll pass over. I honestly can't wait till I move out. And he's just about over the edge with this woman. I've heard them talking it over awhile ago, so hopefully it happens.",0.8861,positive,trusting 1782,depressed,My mom is drunk and its causing me to not have friends over.,listener_1,6,Explain to your father that he is a smart man and so he should be able to understand the idea that what happens in childhood has lasting effects on your life. And that it is not a phase to have mental health affected when a child is forced to deal with the alcoholism and its consequences of a parent. Spell it out for him. Ask him how he thinks it is possible for it to not affect you. ,-0.2263,negative,questioning 1783,depressed,Depressed furry.... Yup.,speaker,1,Ok so first Reddit post. I'm 15 and have depression. Also I'm a closet furry. Don't want to tell anyone because it is social suicide. So I just have this extremely embarrassing secret that no one can know about and that I'm ashamed of myself. what should I do? ,-0.9373,negative,ashamed 1783,depressed,Depressed furry.... Yup.,listener_1,2,"I’m right where you’re at. I suggest just never acknowledge it with people, that’s what I do. If you do that yea, it’s hard at first, but it eventually gets easier. It’s not like being gay, you don’t have to tell anyone. Just live your best life in private. Or don’t, I don’t control you.",0.8241,positive,agreeing 1783,depressed,Depressed furry.... Yup.,speaker,3,thank you for being understanding. It feels good to admit it even if it is to a bunch of strangers on the internet.,0.7351,positive,neutral 1784,depressed,How It Started,speaker,1,"I was an optimist. A very positive person who cheers everyone up. And I try very hard. I make jokes, comfort people and does everything to make them feel happy. I had a friend who I know is depressed. I messaged him and said hurting himself will not make himself better. And I told him to think of what people around him felt like. you know what he said? ""My problems are nothing you can fix. Your words are nothing that can comfort me. What I do to myself is not your problem and people around me thinks like that too"" I deeply valued everyone mental health. I tried to cheer him up so I don't lose a life when I can help prevent it from killing itself. He didn't die. yet. But he is killing if life but killing connections and doing everything that can harm his future. He wasn't the reason I got depressed. He just opened my mind with how people work. People will be there for you if they get incentives. People will risk anything to get something in exchange. People will get tired of you. And people have boundaries. I have a friend who I opened every problems I had. Every family problems. I'm an artist you see and I started young. My dad and I fight a lot and he once tried killing my passion for art by throwing my materials away and slapping me. hard. I got over that and my friend knows about that story. my friends knows more than just that story. but we recently parted way and met new people. I no longer have anyone to open up to and my problems got piled more and more and suddenly all I could do to release my feelings is to cry. No I can't hurt myself. My parents would see it right away. School. School has been making me anxious with all the issues and the crappy teachers making us feel like trash. I hated everyone there. EVERYONE. I had friends I knew wouldn't last long. The next person I called best friend didn't even bother trying to reach me when my depression started. I changed. I hardly talk and move because of how pained and sad I am to do so. But when my so called best friend did nothing and just replaced me and moved on, I realized people are trash. So am I. We all deserve to die and waiting for it to happen is too long for me. ""You could've gave an effort to patch your friendship"" lol only if everytime I did so she didn't avoid me or cared I existed! I hated how she only cared about how many people she can replace me with. I'm not important. Not even to my family. A depressed optimist. How ironic ",-0.9453,negative,caring 1784,depressed,How It Started,listener_1,2,> We all deserve to die and waiting for it to happen is too long for me. Are you planning a suicide attempt? ,-0.8555,negative,questioning 1784,depressed,How It Started,speaker,3,"planned to. There's so much going on right now and I don't want to leave my corpse in the house, too messy so I'm just waiting for a car to hit me or smth ",-0.741,negative,afraid 1784,depressed,How It Started,listener_1,4,More than one depressive has given a sigh of relief when mortally ill/wounded. I think it's best to survive though.,0.6743,positive,hopeful 1785,depressed,I Give Up,speaker,1,"The last year has probably been the best of my life, started treatment, made friends, got a job, things were really looking up... But I'm tired, I'm tired of caring about myself, of seeking happiness I won't find, of searching for someone or something that doesn't exist...I'm tired of trying All I've learnt so far is whatever it is I'm looking for to make me feel happy, I'll never find it...and even if I did, I couldn't have it. I miss the numb, before all this, yes it hurt everyday, a lot more than it does now but at least I didn't care, I didn't try to get better only to realise I can't, I did what I was told, I went to school and came back and repeat, I was use to it, yknow? ...it was easier, at least then I could actually function cause I'd given up hope, I didn't have anything I wanted to live for but I didn't need one cause it didn't matter, I want that back So I'm done, no more meds, no more outings, no more stupid social apps that I delete and reinstall and delete. I just want to finish school, get a job, and work till I die. And if I get suicidal again, so be it, there's no point in trying. I'm just done",-0.4708,negative,sad 1785,depressed,I Give Up,listener_1,2,I could tell you some truth to help you out but the mods don’t want me to “promote religion” in this sub; a part of life that people get involved in to better themselves and seek truth is not allowed in this sub...how ironic Send some love to u/sighphog,0.9413,positive,consoling 1785,depressed,I Give Up,listener_2,3,Users can talk about how religion helps them -indirectly- but not in a way that seems like promotion.,0.6187,positive,neutral 1786,depressed,"Went clubbing alone last night, helped my depression immensely",speaker,1,"Last night I decided to go out to this local club that I’ve been wanting to go to for the longest time and I actually had a great time... Even though I went alone, I was able to order a drink, get on the dancefloor and just dance! (im not much of a dancer but I still did it) I also met a couple of nice guys there enjoying themselves as well... I mean there were times when I would see guys dancing with their gf and I would get a lil sad but...I ultimately decided not to care. Ok, theyre dancing with a beautiful girl but I’m not? Ok cool. Who cares. I went there to have a great time with me, myself, and I - and I was able to accomplish that. Ultimately I think this has helped with my depression immensely...going out instead of staying home lying in bed alone on a Saturday night, feeling like garbage... Anyway I just thought I’d share this to try and motivate others to go out. Get out of the house and go do something fun, something wholesome and good for your well-being.",0.9817,positive,joyful 1786,depressed,"Went clubbing alone last night, helped my depression immensely",listener_1,2,Good for you! Keep it up!,0.5399,positive,wishing 1786,depressed,"Went clubbing alone last night, helped my depression immensely",speaker,3,Thank you :) I wish you nothing but the best.,-0.2387,negative,wishing 1786,depressed,"Went clubbing alone last night, helped my depression immensely",speaker,4,"Nice, have fun👍🏽",0.7269,positive,acknowledging 1786,depressed,"Went clubbing alone last night, helped my depression immensely",speaker,5,"Yeah, I met a couple of guys there. We were just enjoying some good house music and chillin, dancing",0.8176,positive,joyful 1787,depressed,"Was already in pain and depressed today then I took a really bad fall. Why does the universe hate me, why am I not dead yet?",speaker,1,"I'm in a lot of pain and my legs look deformed, I fell on hard wooden floor and tiles. My anxiety is off the scales currently and I feel like I have broken glass shards in my jumper. Shaking very badly I feel terrible. Why does this crap continue to happen to me? I feel like someone has cursed me or theres an evil spirit after me or the universe just fucking hates me.......theres an unknown force mocking me and my fucking pain I know that for fucking sure. JUST KIILL ME NOW YOU CUNT IM FUCKING SICK OF IT, YOU WIN NOW LET ME DIE",-0.9876,negative,terrified 1787,depressed,"Was already in pain and depressed today then I took a really bad fall. Why does the universe hate me, why am I not dead yet?",listener_1,2,"It's funny you say that: I myself started to wonder if I offended some type of spirit being or magick worker. Then there is some blood magick I did with someone and I cannot remember the written pact, making me bound to an oath perhaps...",0.3818,positive,apprehensive 1788,depressed,How to not be emotionally dependent on one person?,speaker,1,"I am in so much pain, emotional pain. I can’t feel it all over my body and my heart feelings like it’s breaking and ripping apart. I was like this my freshmen year of college and it got so bad I became numb and decided not to feel emotions because it was easier to feel nothing then to feel pain, and I don’t want to get to that point again because it took me about a year to feel again. But I slowly feel that happening again. I wouldn’t wish it on my worse enemy. The pain is too terrible and I need it to stop. I have been trying to distract myself, work out, but I have lost my appetite. I have barely eaten in almost 3 weeks because iv lose my appetite. I just need help. Iv tried seeing a therapist before but she didn’t help at all. And what hurts the most. What kills me and what I hate about myself. Is that I have become emotionally dependent on someone. They used to help me a lot but I feel like it’s not as much as it used to be. I just miss old times. Old love. My heart it broken. I know I shouldn’t put all my emotions into one person because that person already has so much going on. But I know if that person helped me, gave me all the love, attention, comfort and protection. I would feel all better. And I hate that about myself, it shouldn’t be on that’s one person to give me everything. So any advice on how to not be emotionally dependent on someone. But yet how do I cope when this person helped me for so many years, and then doesn’t have time anymore. That person was the first person I ever showed my emotions to, who I trusted with when I cried or when I showed my darkest emotions. I just don’t feel as comfortable as I used to and I’m not sure when that changed. I just need help. I need to changes things to not be in pain anymore. Please ",-0.7236,negative,sad 1788,depressed,How to not be emotionally dependent on one person?,listener_1,2,"A suggestion I have that helped me to not be overly emotionally dependent on someone was loving myself. I imagine that there is a child within me that is hurting and she needs my help, I understand her the most and I could be the most immediate and understanding helper there is. I think learning to help yourself such as congratulating your accomplished goals, loving and forgiving yourself, and not putting yourself down are great starts. Learning to be your own friend for sometimes. You must understand sometimes others may be dealing with a difficult time such as yourself and may need some rest. It may be selfish to believe your needs are important than their own. Give them a break and see if you can help them too. I like writing in a journal too. Well wishes and here for you. ",0.9819,positive,caring 1788,depressed,How to not be emotionally dependent on one person?,listener_2,3,Thanks for sharing this. ,0.6908,positive,acknowledging 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,speaker,1,"Can someone sit down and just hold a conversation with me? I lived in an abusive (mentally, physically, sexually) home for the first 18 years of my life. Then my dad tried to kill my mom two days after graduation. It blew up on the news for weeks. It took a large toll on me. I'm back in my hometown for a few days and it's been hard. No one will look at me. They hush and whisper instead. I guess little hometown of 4,000 didn't know how to handle it. But I'm stuck without my medicibes, severely depressed, and spiraling. Can someone please talk to me?",-0.8121,negative,lonely 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,listener_1,2,So you are staying with your Mom?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,speaker,3,"No. We actually lost contact. I came into town to see ""old friends."" But it hasn't been so stellar ",0.1027,positive,disappointed 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,listener_1,4,"Do you think the town is triggering difficult emotions? Or you consistently suffer from traumatic memories no matter where you are? I think trauma needs to be released over time, but it can be done. ",-0.7682,negative,questioning 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,speaker,5,"I suffer no matter where I am. But guilt, shame, and anxiety does heighten when I'm in my home town. I'm beginning to wonder if the town is triggering the emotions more than normal.",-0.8789,negative,ashamed 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,listener_1,6,When will you leave?,-0.0516,negative,questioning 1789,depressed,If You Got Time,speaker,7,"I left yesterday, or maybe a few days ago. It's hard to remember ",-0.1027,negative,nostalgic 1790,depressed,My parents made jokes about me cutting,speaker,1,I use to cut but now I don’t because my sister found out. My sister told our parents and when they figured out they joked about it. My sister doesn’t care what happens to me as long as I seem fine and can keep up my annoying mask I made when I was younger. If I were to die would my parents joke about it? ,0.2023,positive,ashamed 1790,depressed,My parents made jokes about me cutting,listener_1,2,Are you planning a suicide attempt?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 1790,depressed,My parents made jokes about me cutting,speaker,3,I honestly don’t know anymore. But I’ll try to keep my head high.,0.25,positive,hopeful 1790,depressed,My parents made jokes about me cutting,speaker,4,Thank you for giving me this wonderful advice! I’m extremely thankful that someone understands the pain and that I’m not alone with this. Thank you so much! You will forever be in my memories.,0.9204,positive,grateful 1791,depressed,My Brain Is fogged and I have mounds of homework to get caught up on,speaker,1,"Does any one have any advice on how to get work done. I have Major depressive disorder and anxiety which has caused me to get horrible sleep for the past few years now, Im a sophomore in highschool, 16yo male and everything is just so fucking draining. the past week was spring break were I was supposed to make up an essay, book annotations, two labs write ups, on top of a packet of chemestry work. I used to be a straight A B student, but my depression caught up to me my freshman year and now im struggling to keep Cs in my classes due to my absences. I do the work in class and understand it I just cant do my homework and miss school. the week before the break i had to Get my shit together to get my D up in algebruh and i just managed a low c, but I worked so hard I felt like it was almost negligible what I did. And then I had no motive to get anything done the following week, and then spring break came and I still Just couldnt do anything. then comes monday, I cant get out of bed just cus of how shit i feel (this is quite common as I have already missed a good bit of school this year and why I have so much make up work) its like I want to get things done but my brain just denies me, Just getting and unzipping my book bag drains me and then I just stare blankly at my work till I accept its not getting done now. School starts at 7:30 and I know The work wont be done, my stupid ass just lied to my mom about having it done because she gets make that im not doing my shit and will fucking just not stop bothering me about it so I just say its done to get space so maybe I get any sense of motivation but it wont come. I understand everyting I have to do, and Its not challenging work I just, cant focus. &#x200B; ps: ive been in therapy for a year+, and am on meds, all my teachers know Im on meds and are understanding, Ive got a 504 plan which basically gives me a free hall pass and asked teachers to be understanding and is a recognized by the school. But I just cant get my work done. I feel guilty like its my fault for not working cus of all the support I have, neither of my parents really get why Im depressed. I used to be suicidal, have panic attacks every night and cut myself everynight to destract myself enought to get the work done. but now I stopped last summer, but i still do get urges but i just resist. Ive come a long way but that long way has really just been like 1% of everything and I still feel I dont have controll of my life anymore. so many things I did in the past to myself also haunt me. I apologize that this is so long, but its my first post and Im honestly also just ranting If anyone has any comments or anything even just like a go fuck yourself. all would be appreciated. -Pontiff\_ ",-0.9911,negative,anxious 1791,depressed,My Brain Is fogged and I have mounds of homework to get caught up on,listener_1,2,"Hey Pontiff\_, I'm no expert, but I can relate to what you're saying, and offer you advice on how I cope in a similar situation. First off, try to deal with your sleep issues. I've struggled with lack of sleep long enough to know that it makes a huge difference when I'm well rested. There are studies that show magnesium may naturally help you relax and sleep better if you don't think you're getting enough in your daily diet (but use your best judgement, and don't overdo it). Also try to avoid stimulants like sugar, caffeine or starchy foods right before bed. It's important to make a space at home where you're comfortable and able to focus to do your work, or it will always feel like a struggle. I have the same problem getting started. What I find works is the same technique they teach you for taking tests - ""Answer all the questions you know first, and then move on to the more difficult ones"". Don't dwell on work that seems intimidating. Instead, do something you have interest in, or think you can attempt. If you find yourself stuck, take a break, or try something else. When you take a break, choose something relaxing (like go for a walk, have a shower, or chill and listen to some music) so you have energy to get back to work after. Try to stay away from social media until your work is done, as it can trigger a whole new set of emotions to deal with on top of how you already feel about your work. &#x200B; Also, any grade is better than nothing, so it's always better to just try your best (like showing all your work in math for marks, even if you get the final answer wrong). Regarding your algebra grade, I'd say that's pretty significant. You're fighting against the average of all your past work, and still showed improvement. Be proud of any improvements, and reward yourself for your accomplishments. Save up and buy something useful (a sketchbook, instrument, bike, Arduino kit, idk) that will also remind you of your successes. You could also do something to shake things up like go paintballing or go-carting. If all else fails, just focus on what you're most passionate about. Use school to help determine what you'd like to accomplish in life, and focus your effort toward that (rather than beating yourself up about the stuff you aren't good at). You don't have to be good at everything. It's perfectly acceptable to just be respectable in your specific field of interest. I hope some what I said is applicable and helpful to your situation. All the best, Hyper\_Fresh ",0.9989,positive,agreeing 1791,depressed,My Brain Is fogged and I have mounds of homework to get caught up on,speaker,3,"Thank You For the Advice, I managed to get my English Grade From A 54 to an 82, and my Chem grade from a 60 some to 76. and fortunately I managed To get my F to a D in algebra and a C on the Exam so I passed. At least now I can go into summer without worries of extra stuff I have to do like summer school. I worked hella hard and I cant say im disappointed in the results. and weather I used your advise directly or not, everything helps and is oh so Greatly appriciated.",0.7192,positive,grateful 1791,depressed,My Brain Is fogged and I have mounds of homework to get caught up on,listener_2,4,I needed this as well as op. You’re awesome,0.7351,positive,acknowledging 1791,depressed,My Brain Is fogged and I have mounds of homework to get caught up on,listener_1,5,"No problem, I'm happy to hear you turned things around for yourself. Enjoy your summer, you earned it.",0.8465,positive,proud 1792,depressed,Mental health ruining my life,speaker,1,"I’ve been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and ocd. I haven’t been doing well mentally these last 6 months. I’ve had to leave my job because I had a mental relapse. Currently I’m on medication and attending group therapy and seeing a therapist one on one every week in hopes I’ll get better. I know things take time but I’m really sick and tired of feeling this way. I hate how negative my brain thinks, I hate how much confidence I’ve lost in myself. I use to be so confident in the things I’ve wanted to do in life and now I’m scared to even try because I fear failure. I’m currently unemployed and had to move back home with my parents at age 24 I feel like a complete loser. I’m completely lost in life right now and don’t know what to do or where my life is headed. To make matters worse I almost overdosed this past weekend because some idiot I was with thought it was a good idea to give me cookies and not inform me they were edibles. ",-0.991,negative,sad 1792,depressed,Mental health ruining my life,listener_1,2,"If it was cannabis you cannot overdose. Hang in there, it’ll get better. ",0.4404,positive,consoling 1792,depressed,Mental health ruining my life,speaker,3,"Thank you for your response, yea I’ve had to cut off a lot of people I thought were my friends. It shouldn’t affect me but some of these people I thought were my friends and when I needed them the most they were not there even though I was always there for them. Guess it’s a learning experience and I’m just trying to get better mentally and emotionally. I never thought I’d end up like this especially after college. ",0.926,positive,sad 1793,depressed,Whats worse?,speaker,1,Which Is Worse? People who are depressed OR people who are depressed with a dark sense of humor (me),-0.8225,negative,jealous 1793,depressed,Whats worse?,listener_1,2,Atleast the 21st century is teaching mankind that a dark sense of humor is normal.,0.2732,positive,grateful 1793,depressed,Whats worse?,listener_1,3,"Sometimes depressives feel locked into their symptoms and are virtually unable to ""do anything about it"". This sub is for depressives to simply speak their mind.",-0.6124,negative,apprehensive 1794,depressed,All my friends left me,speaker,1,"I have really bad temper and all my friends left me. I'm trying hard to be fine being alone most of the time, but it makes me depressed often. &#x200B; If you could give me some advice or some help regarding accepting the need to change and doing stuff on my own, it would be of great help ",0.8754,positive,lonely 1794,depressed,All my friends left me,listener_1,2,"Acceptance is tough in the state where its all just negative self talk and no effort put towards change. If you know you need to than its going to take work. The more you accomplish the more peaceful the mind gets. There will even be a point of reinvention where the people in your life will have never met the dude that needed changing. Its crazy how differently the world treats you when you're making an effort. Don't look at is a task to be accomplished or a net result of any specific or cluster of actions. Just do something to help somebody and don't expect anything back. Don't even tell anyone you're doing these good things. It's about self-esteem, and doing redeemable acts. Its about creating value in yourself and it being reflected in others. Just do a little bit every day. Do what you can when you can. It's not going to be a quick thing and honestly it sucks pretty bad at first. Make yourself do it. No one else is going to and if nothing changes, nothing changes. Humans are social creatures. The world is but a giant mirror. Get right with you and the rest world itself out.",0.7128,positive,hopeful 1794,depressed,All my friends left me,speaker,3,I wish I could do that but I have strict parents and I'm graduating high school. Perhaps I should just go out more often during the summer?,0.2144,positive,suggesting 1795,depressed,My chest hurts most of the time. Anyone feels the same way?,speaker,1,"My prescriptions run out almost a week ago, It get worse today, it hurts like hell for 24/7.I know the burning sensation is from my GERD, but I know chest pain is one of the symptoms of depression/anxiety. Sometimes I feel like I just want to be done with life. Have been praying to God to take my life, not even sure if he/she/it even exist anymore.",-0.3491,negative,sad 1795,depressed,My chest hurts most of the time. Anyone feels the same way?,listener_1,2,"Sorry to find out that you're in pain. If it makes you feel any better you are not alone but I hope we can support each other and find comfort in that. Although idk you, I do sincerely hope there is a remedy for your Gerd, depression/anxiety issues and find a little solace that there are others that understand. At the least, talk to your doctor about if certain foods worsen your gerd symptoms. Also, maybe it's out of habit that I pray to God too but if there is, we can believe God put others here to help us. (Not pushing religion on anyone and respect for everyone) Here for you and sending well wishes. ",0.988,positive,consoling 1795,depressed,My chest hurts most of the time. Anyone feels the same way?,speaker,3,"Thankyou so much, I really appreciate your comment, it makes me feel better. > I do sincerely hope there is a remedy for your Gerd, depression/anxiety issues and find a little solace that there are others that understand. Thank you, so much, I wish you well too. >At the least, talk to your doctor about if certain foods worsen your gerd symptoms. Honestly, I always forgot about this. I've stopped drinking caffeine, but I love spicy foods, I think I should stop eating spicy foods. I visited my psychiatrist hours ago, for some weird reasons my chest pain are gone, but when I got home it came back. >Also, maybe it's out of habit that I pray to God too but if there is, we can believe God put others here to help us. Same with me, my family are conservative, so out of habit I still pray to God about good thing, too. Yes, honestly people on reddit who know about mental illness make me feel better than people where I live. Where I live people either don't believe mental illness are real (like the GP that I visited some years ago), or think people with mental illness are crazy. The stigma is very bad. Thanks again for your comment, I really appreciate it. English is not my native language, I am really sorry if some of my comment sounds awful.",0.9854,positive,sympathizing 1795,depressed,My chest hurts most of the time. Anyone feels the same way?,speaker,4,"> Some days worse than others. Yep, I had one of the worst chest pain when I posted this thread. That 's what I thought as well when I first experiencing panic attack, it hurted so bad I cried. Back when I was trying to coming out with my mental illness, 3 years ago, I wrote a list of a physical symptoms of what I fell, went to the a GP near my house. All she said to me was just an insult, that I lied to her, I wrote these symptoms from internet, I was lazy, etc. When I asked her about reference letter to a psychiatrist, she did not give it to me.vIn the and she told me she was so proud of herself that she gave me ""free"" consultation and then she prescribed me useless meds and told me to pray more. I had another panic attack after that. >I don't take meds for it although I was prescribed meds for anxiety/depression, I didn't like the way they made me feel like a zombie. I do feel the same way about any medication especially these SSRI/Benzo stuff, I never go to the doctor unless it made me ""crippling"", I just hate taking medication. But now that I know my meds has helped me, I started to accept it. >I definitely understand how tiring it can be to have to go through it all the time. You just wish you can get a break from it for a day or two. It would be such a relief. Yep, can't get enough sleep, even when you sleep for hours, your body still feel tired all the time. I do wish you'll get better. Thank you for the comment and good luck, friend.",0.9657,positive,embarrassed 1796,depressed,Anyone want to be friends,speaker,1,Anyone want to be friends ? I need a friend right now 😭,0.5423,positive,lonely 1796,depressed,Anyone want to be friends,listener_1,2,Sure. I'd love to! Do you have discord?,0.6239,positive,questioning 1796,depressed,Anyone want to be friends,speaker,3,Yeah liliana7153,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1796,depressed,Anyone want to be friends,listener_2,4,lol i commented i month ago. btw just added u on snap.,0.4215,positive,neutral 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,1," I don’t know if it’s because I’m in the midst of an episode (bipolar type II) or if it’s just how I really feel but I can’t even begin to fathom the idea of what I’d look like being happy. I try to practice gratitude- I have a roof over my head, I’m physically healthy, my parents are alive and healthy, I have a job, I’m not hungry, the whole enchilada- but that doesn’t help. It’s gotten worst since January when the episode started. My attendance at work has been spotty. I missed 3 weeks in March because I couldn’t leave the house. And it’s so hard trying to explain how I feel to my family so I just keep it to myself and wither away in my room. I’m on a mood stabilizer but I don’t think it’s helping. I’m gonna talk to my psych next week during my appointment. And I plan on starting back uni in the fall after having to take a break (2 years) because of my mental health. I just feel so discouraged from even trying sometimes. I can’t sleep without a sleep aid. I do love sleeping though. My dreams are always so vivid and it’s the only time I’m happy for an extended period of time. My appetite is all over the place. I’ve even reverted back to self harming again. I don’t have any friends where I currently live and even though a small part of me wants friends, the rest of me just doesn’t have the energy to build and maintain friendships. I have a boyfriend but he lives in NY and I’ll go see him occasionally but for now it’s nothing serious. He makes me happy but I know it’s selfish to rely on him as my only source of happiness. I know it’s probably just a trick my brain is playing on me but sometimes I don’t see the point in carrying on if this is something I’m going to have to go through every so often. Like it doesn’t matter if I take the meds as prescribed, exercise, and eat well because I can go off either ends of deep without warning. It makes me sad. I have a lapse in memory from the later part of 2016- mid 2017. I can’t remember much of what happened. My mom will tell me things I did and I’ll just be in disbelief that I can’t remember something from not that long ago. My dad’s favorite quote is that one by Maya Angelou that goes- “if you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain” and I try to think about that sometimes when I’m feeling down. I’ll think like “oh, yea well I can start with my body” but that can get discouraging after a while since it typically takes some time to see results. Other than that though, the things that make me sad are necessary to survive. Like my 9-5 is pure misery and even though I currently stay with my grandma and I don’t have to pay bills, I can’t quit or I’m just gonna be labeled lazy. So I deal as much as I can. My job is working with me under the American’s with Disabilities Act since I’m bipolar, but still... I just wish I was a functioning adult with an average level of hormones and chemicals in my brain so I can get shit accomplished! I want to move out and finish my degree ( not in that order lol) but I’m scared that I’m going to get so down again that Id have to move back in with family. And I’m not saying that to infer that I’m not gonna at least try, because I am. But sometimes I just don’t see my life amounting to very much because of my MI. And it makes me even more sad. Thinking of the things that make me sad and trying to change them is a bust because I don’t know what I’m sad about in particular. The only things that bring me some sort of joy is my bf, weed, and being locked away in my room high & with chicken wings. I miss having a social life and friends but those things were short lived because I want deeper connections and friends who share similar interests as me. I guess this was just a little rant or me trying to get a little something off my chest... ",0.9952,positive,grateful 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,2,"You need to stop smoking, you know it’s not going to make anything better.",0.1779,positive,agreeing 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,3,I’ve cut back a lot because I do know that it’s a downer. I smoke now mostly to help my appetite and to take the edge off. I used to smoke to the point that I’d be so anxious but I have a better relationship with weed now.,0.5174,positive,content 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,4,"Haha lol I’ve made a lot of progress though! Where before I was diagnosed, I would’ve just quit whatever job I was working at and I wasn’t working with anybody to try to maintain myself. Now, I’ve been at my job for 5 months (the longest I’ve ever kept a job) and I’m consistent on medication and visits with my therapist. Even on those days I can’t make it out of the house, I’ll at least make my bed and brush my teeth and depending on how well I’m feeling, I’ll clean up around the house and feed our dog. Sometimes ill force myself to take a walk or just sit out side to get some sun. I still have problems with isolating myself but I figured that’ll change once I go back to school. ",0.6114,positive,grateful 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,5,"I know this is unrelated, but isn’t weed illegal? (I live in America)",-0.7096,negative,questioning 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_2,6,"That's great! It's so hard to see the future and thing good things. Positivity alone doesn't make anyone feel better because it takes massive energy (which needs a 'fuel source') But whichever way your journey takes you, i hope you are able to give whatever effort you can into your life - even if it doesn't seem to get better, try not to stay on quit mode X] (And not to say you're aiming for something that can be succeeded at-- but you win by getting back up) I believe in you! ",0.9763,positive,encouraging 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,7,"Not where I am. And even if it was, aren’t a lot of things illegal? ",-0.5574,negative,angry 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,8,What are you trying to say?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,9,A lot of enjoyable things are illegal lol.,0.2732,positive,neutral 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,10,"I don’t get why guns aren’t illegal here, they’re enjoyable, using schools as a shooting range and stuff ",-0.1779,negative,angry 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_3,11,"That's a disturbing comment, joke or not.",-0.2732,negative,disgusted 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,12,"Well, sir. I don’t have all the answers lol.",0.5994,positive,agreeing 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,13,Ma’am but that was just my failed attempt at being funny ,-0.1531,negative,neutral 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,14,Lmaoooo no I laughed. You didn’t fail.,-0.8009,negative,neutral 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,15,"You know that’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at, making people laugh, thanks for boosting my self confidence a little 👌 ",0.9621,positive,acknowledging 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,speaker,16,No problemo ,-0.29600000000000004,negative,annoyed 1797,depressed,I can’t picture myself being happy..,listener_1,17,I’m sorry you don’t know what dark humor is ,0.2023,positive,sympathizing 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,1,I honestly feel like I should be dead by now. I always cause pain to others. I always feel like I bug everyone and I'm not important. Grew up with family always being around then I left and now I'm all alone. Boyfriend probably wishes he could leave me and it sucks to have such negative thoughts. What sucks even more is that I feel hatred everywhere and I feel like I'm the mistake when it comes to everyone's expectations. I try to be nice and I try to do everything for everyone. I always tend to say the wrong things and tend to feel the wrong emotions in the most inconvenient times. It's if I wish I was mute or someone could cut off my tongue. It sucks so bad. I thought my depression went away but it only comes back worse even more. I can't sleep. Can't eat. It's the worst thing ever. I'm letting myself go but no one can ever help me. I feel like I will burden someone with my thoughts. I want help but sadly everything is expensive and who would want to listen to me? I'm a nobody and better off dead anyways. ,-0.9821,negative,sad 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_1,2,"Don't kill yourself. Even if you feel purposeless, lonely and hated, don't do it. I've felt the same in my life and thought of doing so. Your friends (you have friends, but you feel hated by them which is also from depression) will always support you while you are togheter with them. Listen to me. Don't do a huge mistake. You will never know when something good will happen.",-0.8349,negative,trusting 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,3,Thank you (':'(,0.3612,positive,wishing 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,4,I'd love to if I could afford it. 😔 Currently unemployed and in a new town. ,0.6705,positive,jealous 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_2,5,Checking in with you to see how you’re doing.,0.0,neutral,questioning 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,6,Thank you. I will do my best.,0.7717,positive,wishing 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,7,Thank you. I'm going to try my best. It's really hard but I'm trying.,0.4595,positive,faithful 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,8,Sadly my story goes on more. This is sadly just one part of it. There is just so much going on in my head and it's driving me insane. Like I know I need help. I know I need to talk. I know I am ruining relationships because of how I am. But I don't have the strength to. It's complicated you know? There is just so many voices in my head and I want them to stop. I'm so scared. ,-0.9147,negative,terrified 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,9,Thank you. That's very true. I'm really trying hard to stay but it can be complicated sometimes. I just wish I could talk to someone. I always keep everything to myself because it's been that way since I was in high school. My boyfriend wants me to open up and talk to him more when I feel this way or when I have something on my mind but it's hard because you never had that before. Different is scary. ,0.0277,neutral,lonely 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_3,10,Once again I relate to this on a spiritual level.... it's hard trusting people ,0.3182,positive,agreeing 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,11,"Same here. You ever meet someone amazing and ruin it because of how you are and who you are? It hurts so bad but here I am. I'm wanting to give up all the time but I'm scared of death. My family doesn't even know how I feel because if I tell them, they will tell me to get over it and come home. I was depressed more over there. I don't know what to do anymore. I should have died a year ago.",-0.976,negative,sad 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_4,12,Yah my crush really doesnt like me . But i guess things are slowly kinda working out since i talk with her more often than i did before. I love her 😤,0.7009,positive,trusting 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,13,It's going to get better. I promise. 😁,0.802,positive,consoling 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_4,14,Update : Uh so i just realised that whenever her frnds discuss anything about me she completely ignores the whole conversation :/ I hate this :'(,-0.9051,negative,annoyed 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,15,I'm doing a lot better than a week ago. Boyfriend is being so supportive and loving. He's having a lot of patience with me and making sure I'm okay every hour. It really means a lot. Especially since his family is doing the same. I'm honestly really glad I moved in with them because they are so much different. They live differently and are more kind unlike my family. My family is the one who always brings me down and one of the main reasons why I wanted to leave. They always talk bad about me and make me feel bad everytime I make a mistake. It sucks. I never like to go visit but my siblings are my world. But the good news is I can finally be able to get out of bed and walk at the park like I used to. I had the courage and strength to be able to apply for jobs. Hopefully they call me. 😊🙏🏼 Thank you for checking up. It means a lot me! 💛,0.9923,positive,grateful 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,speaker,16,"I'm so sorry to hear that. :( Honestly if they do that, she isn't worth it. I know it's kind of hard to hear but sometimes it's the truth. I remember I really liked someone and they started talking to someone else, so I stopped talking to them for like three days and they were saying sorry etc. I then realized that I moved on because I knew my happiness was somewhere else. It's going to be okay. If she does it on purpose, then sadly she doesn't care about your feelings. :c. It hurts I know, but you'll be smiling in no time! c:",0.5641,positive,sympathizing 1798,depressed,I wish I was dead.,listener_4,17,"Yah she really doesnt care about me anymore. I've told one of her frnds ( who is my frnd too ) my feelings for her and how much i loved and cared for her fir the past 5 years. She said that my crush is not heartless and she would never break my heart on purpose but i guess thats happening now. But its noce to have someone who understands me and have someone to talk to. I really dont get why she did that to me. Ignoring me because i had feelings for her. I wish she knew how much she meant to me. How much even one smile from her brightens up my whole day .. but she hasnt smiled at me for 5 years. I remember when i ddint have a crush on her ; she was really good frnds . She laughed at my jokes , we had lots of fun. That was back in 2015. After i realised taht i had a crush on her i did everysingle thing i can to fulfill all her wishes. One day she asked me what "" DDT ""( a chemical ) meant. Straight away i asked the teacher about it and he searched it on google , and got the meaning. The same day i went to her , wrote it on a piece of paper and gave it to her. She was really happy that day and thanked me . Thinking about ttat still makes me smile. That day was one of the best days of my life . She came to know that i had feelings for her in january 2017 . Then something unexpected happened. The next day at school , when i came into class , she came in and her frnds locked all the windows and doors. Then she chased me and hit me hard on the shoulder. She did that for a week but after that i guess she stopped .Have i done anything wrong ? Is loving and caring for someone really such a crime ?!? After that she doesnt even talk , or look at me. I guess she doesnt want me in her life . It hurts to even think of taht. I mean , i was 13 at the time and i didnt know what to do. All i did was go home and cry secretly. Now im 15 . I just hope she finds the perfect guy for her , someone who would care and love her like i did. Thats my only wish. Until then im just gonna keep dreaming about her :[",0.9953,positive,trusting 1799,depressed,I think I'm destined to never fit in anywhere,speaker,1,My whole life I've pretty much been separated from my peers. Not by choice too. I was one of the only good athletes in my school. So while everyone partied and hung out. I was at practice. While everyone had fun after class messing around. I had to lift. My whole life I've just been on the outside And now. I don't know what I want to do in life. So while all my friends are going to college to become what they love. I'm clueless. I am going to take a year off to figure it out. Ya I know it's good to do something for me and to stop worrying about others. But I just want to be normal sometimes. No one hangs out with Me. I'm always on my own. Just once I wish I was normal and sociable and interesting. But I'm just not. That's how I've always been. I'm so scared that that's just how my life is. I miss my old close friends. ,0.9439,positive,lonely 1799,depressed,I think I'm destined to never fit in anywhere,listener_1,2,I'll be your friend ,0.4939,positive,caring 1799,depressed,I think I'm destined to never fit in anywhere,speaker,3,I'm a real shitty person. You prolly don't want that ,-0.5889,negative,angry 1799,depressed,I think I'm destined to never fit in anywhere,listener_2,4,In my experience people who think low about themselves turn out to be some of the most wonderful people in the world ,0.4391,positive,grateful 1799,depressed,I think I'm destined to never fit in anywhere,listener_1,5,"I'm a shitty person too , we can be shitty together ",-0.802,negative,agreeing 1800,depressed,I love this show. This episode painted and exact picture of the inside of my head.,speaker,1,https://images.app.goo.gl/iEMuv7dsyi31b9WT8,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1800,depressed,I love this show. This episode painted and exact picture of the inside of my head.,listener_1,2,what is the show about?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1800,depressed,I love this show. This episode painted and exact picture of the inside of my head.,speaker,3,Magicians. This episode is about a magical key that if you touch it you see a version of yourself that says everything wrong with you. ,-0.4767,negative,terrified 1801,depressed,i need help,speaker,1,"Sorry for the grammar n stuff I’m kinda dumb and bad with words but here it goes. I’m ready to die I’ve given up on life I have no desire to do anything, I never really cared for my life since I was young i thought i would have been better off aborted. I’ve just been going threw the motions most my life I gave life a chance and I would say I was somewhat successful for a 21 year old but on my 22 birthday I decided I was just tired of life and tried to overdose on heroine. My friend found me not moving and called the paramedics and they apparently brought me back to life. 3 days later the cops come all the way out to my work to tell me that friend that called the paramedics that night had just overdosed on the same stuff. I felt guilty I still do I have never even seen his parents since. my initial thought when I heard the news was that when I got home I would finish the job but I was bombarded by people who were there to show support n shit but that just made me feel like a bigger piece of shit. Then that night of the mourning some friends stayed at my place to make sure I wouldn’t kill myself. So I told myself I’ll just not do it tonight I’ll just do a lil to help with the emotional pain but then I woke up in the hospital. I put people who have never really been around that stuff in a situation where I could have died on them again I can’t describe how much of a piece of shit I feel like. When they were calling the ambulance they flushed the rest of my stash down the toilet. I haven’t been able to get any more h since buddy who passed was my connection. Skip ahead half a year and I’m now living at my parents. I don’t even want to get better anymore I’ve totally giving up I’m literally just wasting away here all I want is to die with maybe the tiniest bit of delusional dignity. But I am too socially awkward and not knowledgeable enough to seek it out myself. Any suggestions? I will give someone a quarter section of land in Saskatchewan just to make sure I die.",-0.9115,negative,ashamed 1801,depressed,i need help,listener_1,2,> Any suggestions? I will give someone a quarter section of land in Saskatchewan just to make sure I die. This type of request is not allowed here. The rest of your post is fine. ,-0.2023,negative,questioning 1801,depressed,i need help,speaker,3,Ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 1802,depressed,"I think I may be depressed, but also think I'm not.",speaker,1," I always precieved depression as that constant feeling of dread and sadness. For me it's usually periodical (Once or twice a week), other times I'm just walking around with a poker face, I rarely get happy feelings. I do not get any suicidal thoughts, whenever I do they are just minor with no intent to actually do it and I brush them off. This feeling usually comes out of the blue, when it does it's usually diffrent from just feeling sadness it's more like feeling like shit/ not finding the motivation to do anything.",-0.8684,negative,sad 1802,depressed,"I think I may be depressed, but also think I'm not.",listener_1,2,"It does sound like symptoms of someone depressed, but it could possibly be caused by puberty if you are of that age group. Regardless, you should consult with a medical professional if you would like to know for certain. &#x200B; All your feelings are valid and I think I can say that people on this subreddit are here to share that sadness with you so that it won't be as heavy as it would be. With that, I'd like to say I'm here for you. ",0.7717,positive,trusting 1802,depressed,"I think I may be depressed, but also think I'm not.",listener_2,3,"Most of the time when im depressed or just simply sad , i just cant hide my emotions. I mean i get pressured A LOT to do so by my family , and things just get worse if i dont show a happy face. I hate pretending to be happy and being sad on the inside. My parents sometimes yell at me i mean , even at the smallest of things , especially in the exam days they really pressure me like a lot .. i know thye do it with the intention that thye are doing it for my own good but , it really isnt that way . For example. Im studying, then my mom came in and yells at me bcux my room was a bit messed up. Then i lose motivation to study . Sometimes it goes into depression being yelled at like that multiple times. Ive been trying to tell her not to yell at me like that bcuz its not doing any good for me for 5 years and i finally did this year. Ended up getting a huge lecture about how she can say anything she wants to me , and how i dont have any right to say anything else in response when i get yelled at. I try to be happy on the outside but it just breaks my soul. I cant do this any longer . Ive tried to kill myself multiple times during last year .. i hesitated every single time bcuz i dont want any of my frnds to feel guilty , especially my crush, i dont want her to be sad , i mean if i commit suicide then , even though she doesnt give an f about me she might feel guilty of that bcux she rejected me a year ago. She means everything to me . I just hope she would never have to exprience what im going through rn. Shes got an amazing life , and her being happy is what makes me happy in the first place. I need help . Ive been struggling for too long :( I cannot go to any therapist or doctor since there isnt one in our island. Also my parents will think im crazy if i even request them to let me visit one. They think that bcuz im still just 15 yrs old i should never have any worries and no stress. They dont understand how many nights i cried my self to sleep , how many nights i tried to end myself .. how f'ed up my life is .. welp life just goes on what can i do",-0.9709,negative,sad 1802,depressed,"I think I may be depressed, but also think I'm not.",listener_1,4,"I have been on the same boat as you and for five years, I withstood beatings and verbal abuse from my dad. In time, we worked it out and I have been on medication for 3 years now. Although I’m still not well, I can say I’ve grown somehow. Without familial support, it’s hard to move forward in life. Perhaps a visit to your guidance councilor would help. And you could make it pertinent that your parents should not be informed because they give you trauma. Otherwise, you do not have to keep it in. Suicide is never the answer and I’m sure a lot of redditors think so as well. Whenever you would think of killing yourself, opt to breathe deeply and count to a high number. Hopefully you could calm down. Please don’t inflict harm on yourself because that shit’s just going to get you more addicted to inflicting harm and you will never be able to grow as a person. I would like to tell you so much more but all solutions depend on circumstances. Focus on the things you’re good at, the friends in whom you’ve fostered love, and the communities that could aid you in your journey in life. Say, you might be religious or the sort. I know you can do this. I believe in you 500%. :) r/depressed is here for you. ",0.9413,positive,trusting 1802,depressed,"I think I may be depressed, but also think I'm not.",listener_2,5,Thank you :3,0.7003,positive,wishing 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,speaker,1,I see the girl i love who now hates me. i dont know how to win her back. i dont know how to live without thinking about her. i dont know how to fix it all.,0.7269,positive,sad 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_1,2,"I see my body. Not the female body I was born into. I see my body that would’ve been mine if I killed myself and started over. I can see every little thing, everything that would make me male. Everything that would make me, me ",-0.6705,negative,nostalgic 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_2,3,Have you started the hormone process yet? Make sure to connect with transgender support groups either in your area or online. ,0.6124,positive,questioning 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_1,4,"I have not, that’s why I’m reaching out ",0.2023,positive,apprehensive 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_2,5,"I'm glad you are starting to reach out. It's the first step in becoming the person you want to be and making life worth living. The sooner you make an appointment with a doctor to begin taking hormones, the sooner you will reach your final goal. I don't know exactly what the process is but I'm sure therapy would be necessary too since you have lived so unhappy for so long and you have a long road ahead. Don't try to do this alone. Make sure you have a support network that includes the transgender community who can understand what you are going through and can offer advice when necessary. ",0.5188,positive,grateful 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,speaker,6,we were great friends for a few months but now she hates me... i can get her back. or well... i cant get my memory of her back,0.34,positive,neutral 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,speaker,7,i hope things between you two work out well :D,0.8415,positive,consoling 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_3,8,I hope youll be able to accept that and move forward,0.6705,positive,consoling 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_4,9,"Things are in a very complicated and albeit a bit scary spot, but I feel like I did repair some of what was broken, and we started talking again and actually look forward to hanging out soon. It was fucking tough, but there’s hope",-0.0873,negative,trusting 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,speaker,10,thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 1803,depressed,Who do you see when you close your eyes?,listener_3,11,sure :),0.6486,positive,agreeing 1804,depressed,I hate this,speaker,1,"I hate seeing the one person you've only cared about happy bevause you aren't in their life. I don't hate it. Ig. It just makes me sad. I miss it. I know that I have to let her go. She moved on. I brought her back to life from killing herself. And now. She wont even talk to Me for more than a few text then ""forgetting"" to reply. It hurts so bad. I miss my best friend. I want to hang out again. I want to be part of her life. And she tells me she wants that too. But never shows it. I miss it. I hate that I fucked up the one good thing in life.",-0.9114,negative,sad 1804,depressed,I hate this,listener_1,2,"Hey, we’re in the same boat friend. How are you going to react to this now? Let’s get fit together man, if you really wanted her back, be the man that attracts her back. The universe has a plan for you, keep the faith. Just keep your mind off picking apart the relationship like I am. It’s going to take time but when you wake up and feel that heart ache, just head outside and RUN FROM THAT SHIT (for a mile). It works",0.4119,positive,faithful 1804,depressed,I hate this,listener_2,3,Happy cake day!,0.6114,positive,wishing 1804,depressed,I hate this,speaker,4,How is it her loss when she already has found 3 other people to replace me. And I've never met anyone who cared about me and thinks the way I think,0.128,positive,jealous 1804,depressed,I hate this,listener_3,5,"She lost the person that truly loved and cared for her, while you lost someone who doesnt care about u . Trust me. Theres lots of fishes in the ocean , you'll get yours :)",0.8648,positive,agreeing 1805,depressed,Wondering where I fit in,speaker,1,"I tell my SO I am depressed and feel lost and feel lost. Her response is to just get over it. I tell my family I am so super overwhelmed that I don't know what to do their reaponse is it will get better. It never has gotten better I have been this way for 90% of my life. The only person that brings me enjoyment is my daughter who I just got custody of,but that puts tons more stress on me. Sometimes it feels like it would be better to just go hide in a Cave and that way maybe i would be happy. I find people to talk to and that helps but then ended up being ghosted most times because people now think there is no consequences when they just leave others.. Thanks for letting me post and listening. Maybe one day i will find what I need... ",0.7247,positive,disappointed 1805,depressed,Wondering where I fit in,listener_1,2,"I understand. When I tell my girlfriend how I’m feeling, it’s always clear that she doesn’t want to hear about it. It makes me feel like my feelings and my problems and emotions have to be hidden from everyone. Like a dirty secret. Today she even made fun of me because of it over video chat in front of her sister and her friend. She’s at home visiting her parents, and I’m at home visiting mine. And she always tries to make me feel bad about it. Like it’s my fault for not doing anything about it. I know I need help but it’s not that simple, and I don’t need anyone’s help getting beaten up about it. My grandmother is dying, and my best friend is about to be homeless, my lease also ends in a month and I have very little savings... I might be homeless in a month too. I’m so overwhelmed by everything and I feel like I’m not allowed to say anything about it. I really hate my life right now. I know my girlfriend just wants me to get help, and stop bothering her about this stuff but... idk. When I start thinking about the fact that the only person I’m really allowed to talk to about this stuff is a paid professional, it really makes me want to kill myself. I’m tired of being made to feel ashamed for my depression. Almost as much as I’m tired of everything. ",-0.9389,negative,ashamed 1805,depressed,Wondering where I fit in,speaker,3,Exactly how I feel. You hit the nail right one the head as the way i feel. We shouldnt have to pay spmeone to listen that is what out SO and families are for ..,0.0762,positive,agreeing 1805,depressed,Wondering where I fit in,listener_2,4,"**If you're in crises, please consider contacting the [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/): 1-800-273-TALK** You may also find support by posting in r/SuicideWatch. If you wish to help others in crises consider supporting: - [The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/donate/) - [The National Alliance on Mental Illness](https://donate.nami.org/give/197406/#!/donation/checkout) - [The Jason Foundation](http://jasonfoundation.com/get-involved/) ^(I am a bot created by a survivor that is in no way affiliated with any of the organizations mentioned |) [^(feedback)](mailto:erics.awesome.bots@gmail.com) ",0.5983,positive,caring 1805,depressed,Wondering where I fit in,listener_1,5,"Yeah definitely. It feels like if they really cared about us, it wouldn’t be too much to listen.",0.8588,positive,agreeing 1806,depressed,i feel like an anomaly,speaker,1,"im just having a pretty bad/strange evening, wanted to vent out my feelings. nothing wrong has happened today but I feel pretty awful. i have a complicated family that argues a lot, disputes etc. and i know that, if i wasn't born, everyone would probably be better. financially and mentally. i don't cause the issues directly but if I wasn't alive, my mother and my father would have an easier divorce(don't worry, I was young and didn't know a thing) and my siblings, from a different father,would also be better off. i don't want to explain it fully but, I just feel like a cursed child. regardless if I work hard or not, things don't really swing my way much but I keep on going anyways. i see people getting support when they're going through a bad time i can't ever really do that myself, because ill consider it fishing for attention. though it's understandable when other people do it. everyone will eventually find some form of happiness, a shoulder to cry on or something but I feel undeserving, I feel like the villain of my own story. my mental health has really improved, my mood swings are less severe and I'm a lot less suicidal but nobody's prone to a bad day right. in all honesty, i want a hug but I don't like to admit that. i hate myself deeply for craving affection. i want to be cold and ruthless, I'm already lonely and lacking a social life, why can't I just use it to my advantage and be successful? because I suck, plain and simple. my mom used to say 'it doesn't make sense to send you to school and feed you to come second' and now, she's indifferent about when I told her I probably won't pass an exam. i don't get it. i wish I had my own room and bed, mostly everyone does. my mother takes her anger out on me and that really upset me, she argues with my sister a lot and yknow her anger spreads back to me. I'm not allowed to go out, or by friends. MY over 20 year old sister went to a wedding and she got shit for it because my mom had a 'dream that something bad was going to happen' nothing did, plus my mom always does this planetary astrology stuff. last year july I was supposed to get a laptop ($4000 in my currency) to do a CAD course in school but it's always either we don't have the money or it's some retrograde and it affects technology. i use the school laptop but I rarely ask for anything.I don't get it. I don't own a console and use a 8 year old family PC with a AMD Radeon HD 4200 integrated graphics card, i want to play new games too, like everyone. i started saving money to buy it and my mom got mad bc I was eating less snacks. ""the money is there, stop doing that to yourself"" and ""this kind of limited mindset won't get you anywhere"" she handed me the money during mars retrograde and she said next month we'll buy it, but this money is safe, fast forwards to end of last month, were broke, my 4000 gone. she spent 1200 on her hair this month. I don't get it. I'm tired. I don't want to exist. ",-0.9837,negative,sad 1806,depressed,i feel like an anomaly,listener_1,2,Omg xxx if u wanna talk i here u can pm me ,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1806,depressed,i feel like an anomaly,speaker,3,"thanks, took a shower and a nap, mostly better <3",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 1806,depressed,i feel like an anomaly,listener_1,4,Good times x,0.4404,positive,encouraging 1807,depressed,I'm at prom and I want to die.,speaker,1,"I've been ""trying"" to get a girlfriend, but nothing works out for me. My not so friends just want sex and beer so I've been staying away from them. I hate parties too im not good at communicating to people let alone girls. Im just standing next to the trashcan. Seeing people happy makes me really sad for some reason. ",-0.8785,negative,lonely 1807,depressed,I'm at prom and I want to die.,listener_1,2,"Those party shit really isn’t for everyone. I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it more if you went home, but foe what it’s worth, you could try striking up a decent conversation with a person who seems disinterested in the whole endeavor as well - someone who’s just on a table or side. Get that bit of courage because you’ll probably never have to talk to them again after. ",0.775,positive,neutral 1807,depressed,I'm at prom and I want to die.,listener_2,3,"Just wanted to say thx. I’m 22 and have had horrible luck with girls and I had to stop and do a double take when you said “Many people don’t start dating til their 20s”. It wasn’t unheard of to me but I never thought of it as common, which makes me feel better. Unless I’ve completely read this wrong then shit.",-0.8216,negative,embarrassed 1807,depressed,I'm at prom and I want to die.,listener_3,4,"No, you didn't read it wrong. It just seems like everyone is dating in high school because you hear about all the couples, but it's usually the same people dating the same people. Plus dating in high school and college means nothing in terms of whether you will find someone to spend your life with. My only advice when dating late is never see yourself as undesirable and just take the first person who likes you thinking you'll never find anyone else. That can either lead to settling for someone who you aren't going to be happy with in the long run, or falling in love way too quickly with someone and scaring them off. The one advantage I can say about people who dated younger or more frequently is that they are most used to relationships ending and how to handle that, and know there will be others. So prepare yourself that not all relationships will work out, it will be heartbreaking and will hurt but time will heal and there will be others. But you are in no way in the minority by not dating til your 20s. It's far more common than you realize, it's just that you are going to focus on how many people you see in relationships rather than paying attention to how many aren't.",-0.1086,negative,faithful 1807,depressed,I'm at prom and I want to die.,listener_2,5,Thanks this helped,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,1,"Often times, I feel almost invisible. I have many talkative friends, and I'm polite enough to let people talk before I do. I wait up to minutes to get my thought out about a topic that was already talked about. I'm not interested in anything anymore; it's like a piece of gum with no flavor left. You throw it out and forget it. It's what I want to do with the world and my life; forget. Commit suicide. No-one will remember my crappy self, anyway.",-0.8052,negative,ashamed 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,2,"""Like a piece of gum with no flavor in it."" I resonate with this so much. I can taste it and I feel this in life. Sometimes it's calming and mind numbing to chew that gum, other times just jaw-clenching and bland and lifeless. It's easy to lose yourself to succumb the gum. All I can say is that the piece of gum is your current situation/daily schedule. You should try a different flavor of gum, change things up for a little bit. Maybe you like the flavor, maybe you don't. There is a world full of different flavors of gum out there yet to try. I hope this can help. I hope you feel better. I believe in you. The world is a better place because you are here.",0.9509,positive,sad 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,3,"Thanks. I can't really change my schedule because of school a quarter of my day. I have lots of free time, which I use for playing games to get my mind out of the world.",0.7906,positive,content 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,4,What kind of games do you play if you don't mind me asking?,0.34,positive,questioning 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,5,"Minecraft, Terraria, ROBLOX, other ""sandbox"" type games. I used to really like clicker games but I have been playing games above a lot more. &#x200B;",0.476,positive,nostalgic 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,6,"Gotcha so you're mainly a PC player. They aren't quite my cup of tea, the closest I get is with the settlement part of Fallout 4. Those are great ways to escape from the outside world.",0.7003,positive,neutral 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,7,I only have PC and Nintendo consoles. Currently WiiU and Switch. I love Smash Bros. and have games on said consoles.,0.6369,positive,nostalgic 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,8,This is a little out there but have you ever tried any Pikmin games? They are my personal favorite and they are pretty fun. They are nowhere near sandbox games but check them out if you get the chance! I love Nintendo so if you need any recommendations for games let me know friend!,0.9816,positive,questioning 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,9,"I haven't. I've wanted to, though. They might get me a bit antsy, cuz anything like that gives me an adrenaline rush for some reason. Same thing with anything like Minecraft, cuz I think of everything out there. A weird feeling to say the least.",0.5859,positive,anxious 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,10,"They are fun and cute games but can be stressful and brutal and worth every second of thought you put into planning your days because you only have so long to get all your shit done. I get the adrenaline rush because that's just the way we get in to games is to get a little personally invested, strategy games especially.",-0.91,negative,neutral 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,11,"I personally like calmer strategy games, like board games, but they get boring after a while.",0.0772,positive,neutral 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,12,Yeah there are some fun board games. Have you ever tried Munchkin? Not quite a board game but it's a fun card game that's like a toned down dungeons and dragon.,0.8873,positive,acknowledging 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,13,"Speaking of Dungeons and Dragons, ever since my friends and I played for a few hours (when we could) I've really wanted to keep going. I also like the strategy involved and how such a good time it is.",0.872,positive,nostalgic 1808,depressed,Invisible,listener_1,14,"Go for it! Get a group of people together and have regular sessions like once a month or something. You get those days to look forward to and prepare for. Make it a good time with D&D, friends, snacks, whatever else y'all need to have a good time. That kind of regular activity can be good for the head and a group of friends/dungeon crawlers can be good for the heart.",0.967,positive,anticipating 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,15,"Yeah, I might try to get into it a little bit. My DM the last time I played has a campaign running at their house currently and they do it every week. (friend is not dm in said campaign) I really wanna join *maybe* but it would be kinda weird to join in the middle. Thanks for the suggestions though! :) \-Natu",0.9334,positive,suggesting 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,16,Thanks.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1808,depressed,Invisible,speaker,17,Thanks.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,speaker,1,"I am ugly, I have no money, I don't want to spend any money, I don't have any course to reach out to any girls, I am shy, introverted, I have anger issues, I don't like to talk to unfriendly people, I don't like to spend any money on anything, I can't find a job, I can't get along with my parents, I have no female friends, I am useless...",-0.9705,negative,lonely 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,listener_1,2,"and yet, you're doing nothing about it",0.0,neutral,neutral 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,speaker,3,Because changing myself makes me extremely unhappy and it is nearly impossible... Forcing myself to change puts me in an extremely unhappy situation and rarely works.,-0.7340000000000001,negative,sad 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,speaker,4,Hug and kiss,0.7096,positive,wishing 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,listener_2,5,"Seriously don't feel that way. I could go on and on about why I suck too, but I also have good qualities and so do you. Make a list of those too.",0.3716,positive,jealous 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,speaker,6,What a positive way to think about things... I shall filter out all the negative stimuli in life that incites me to think low of myself...,-0.29600000000000004,negative,hopeful 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,listener_2,7,"You can't ONLY focus on things you don't like about yourself. The side of yourself you feed will be the side that shines. Someone on here said something similar and I try to remember that, it helps. Ur just down on urself right now, being way over critical. I mean ugly? Come on. Flaws? Yup. We all have them. I have stress acne right now....but I'll live. Im very depressed, but have to control how bad I allow it to get, and so should you. It may get us down, but shouldn't get the best of us.",-0.9333,negative,sad 1809,depressed,Hopeless in my useless life,speaker,8,😭😭💚💚💚,0.8126,positive,impressed 1810,depressed,My phone buzzing used to be exciting. Now I just dread being left behind.,speaker,1,"All that's left now is for my phone to go silent. No-one messages me and all I have left to see is all the people that I used to love enjoying life and leaving me behind. My only solace is in isolating myself, yet here I am begging for help from strangers when I don't deserve any of the love that I'm longing for. Maybe I want attention, maybe I just want to vent, I'm not even sure myself. I've spent the last few weeks in a torrent of thoughts and can't even seem to grasp reality anymore. There is no cure to these wounds. At least, not for me.",0.9159,positive,lonely 1810,depressed,My phone buzzing used to be exciting. Now I just dread being left behind.,listener_1,2,"I feel the same exact way. When my phone rings, I dread looking at it... because it’s usually automated text messages and sales calls",-0.4588,negative,apprehensive 1810,depressed,My phone buzzing used to be exciting. Now I just dread being left behind.,speaker,3,"That’s spooky, I’m in the exact same position. I am accustomed to waiting for one or two days for a reply but it’s been too long now, and most likely she’s gotten tired of me. I’m done with social media.",-0.5927,negative,apprehensive 1811,depressed,Weird habit ig?,speaker,1,"I've been depressed for several years now, but never really talked about it. My parents weren't exactly helpfull when they found out I started cutting myself (this was when I was about 17, i started selfharming when I was like 13) so I tried to hide it even more. I also didn't tell them I was still feeling depressed at 21. I tried to hide it by for example always smiling at people and laughing at jokes even though nothing made me happy. But my question is mostly: Are there other people who made this a habit? I even started doing this when I'm alone. I literally LOL at my phone when i scroll past a joke or 'funny video'",0.8834,positive,ashamed 1811,depressed,Weird habit ig?,listener_1,2,"I do that sometimes. I try to at least appear happy in public, but its hard when you’re not happy at all. Genuinely laughing at funny videos makes me feel like shit because the rest of my life is a fucking disaster.",-0.5909,negative,ashamed 1811,depressed,Weird habit ig?,speaker,3,Yea same i also just feel bad and sort of empty afterwards just because i know the laughter is fake and meaningless most of the time.,-0.8122,negative,neutral 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,1,I wrote a song about how my old group of friends completely left one day. How can 5 of the closest friends ever just leave like that. These motherfuckers we're by my side day and night and then they weren't. This was months ago but it sent my already fragile emotional health into complete darkness. I started running from everyone in my life went through at least 6 girls over the summer. Drank so much and smoked so much I felt like I was wasnt alive. This was months ago but I wrote this song to leave them behind to finally say goodbye. This has been the only thing to happen to me that I can't leave behind in a song. I still feel the pain in my heart I still see their smiles behind my eyes. I still hear their laughter in my ears I still remember all the time we spent. I even hung out with one if them yesterday. He forgot about most of the stuff we did together. I never forgot.,0.9365,positive,devastated 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,listener_1,2,I’m curious. Where did all your friends go that day?,0.6597,positive,questioning 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,3,Just left outzo gone from my life haven't spoken to some of them in some months they just decided oh him he's not worth our time,-0.1695,negative,lonely 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,4,"Look at the edit, I actually speak about what happened.",0.0,neutral,confident 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,5,Peep that edit I realized everyone would be confused,-0.3182,negative,ashamed 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,6,That's horrible. People don't understand that everyone has feelings and when you enter someone's life you're investing in those feelings.,-0.5423,negative,sad 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,listener_2,7,"so you just had a mental breakdown and they got scared and stopped talking to you? I'm curious what was that mental breakdown about or what things you might have said and I'm sorry for what you're going through, man. But I hope everything will get better soon and know that life won't stop just because you lost someone. there're more than 7B people, you will find true friends one day for sure. maybe not now but one day you will, and you will be laughing at these moments you're going through right now",0.9694,positive,sympathizing 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,listener_3,8,What's your next plan of action about it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,9,"Honestly there was just a lot of stuff going on in my life at that time I just went through a breakup, parents we're and still are having huge problems, my brothers life was ruined by his ex girlfriend including his kids, and then I just totally broke down and started just crying and screaming about all of it from what I remember.",-0.8516,negative,devastated 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,listener_2,10,"Oh man that's so rough, you been through alot. They're not true friends if they abandoned you in such situation, true friends would listen and try to make u feel better not suddenly stop talking to you. But this is good, now you know who is your true friend and who isn't. You will eventually forget about them and I really hope things will get better between you and your parents soon",0.9663,positive,consoling 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,11,Yeah man I did realize a lot when that happened but it's been hard to open up since then and I've closed down my circle so hard. Last year I had 30 people at my lil birthday celebration. This year 8 and 2 of them were the same.,-0.3181,negative,lonely 1812,depressed,Just wrote a song about my old group of friends,speaker,12,Try and forget and move on the friendship I had with them is gone,0.25,positive,sad 1813,depressed,I don't know what to do with my life,speaker,1,"Hi there. First of all, sorry for mistakes, English is my second language. Two weeks ago I got fired. I adore that job: it was pretty easy, well payed and had incredibly cool people to work with. It was actually first job where I hanged out with my co-workers beside working time (with one of them we even went to Europe for vacation). And the firing was very shocking, I basically was thrown off — I came to work, grab my coffee, did my mailing routine and then my supervisor asked me to join there in the meeting room where I've been told that I'm fired. After what my PC blocked and I've been basically told to leave immediately. They told me that they didn't like how I did my job. So now I'm looking for another job and I can't fucking stand that. I don't have high education, I used to work as an office manager (secretary) and current options are either underpaid or I immediately get rejects. I don't know what I can do beside this job and I don't even know what I'd like to do. I had a plan: work there for another year and then go study in Europe. This plan is still in but I can realize it only next (or after it) year (because of money). All this time I spent at home alone (with my cat) crying or lying, I can't meet up with my friends cause they either busy (they still got their jobs, duh) or during our time together they just wondering how the hell can't I find a job (not in negative way). Five years ago I was bubbling with crazy ideas, always doing something, always trying something, but now I can't. I'm not that bright dreamer I used to be. I got sucked by routine and now, when it spitted me, I don't even know who the hell I am. I spent this days crying or smoking weed alone. And even weed doesn't bring joy! I'm not interested in suicide but I'm looking at my current and close future life and can't see anything. Do I wanna go see movie? No. Wanna grab a coffee and just go wandering around the city like always love to? No. Wanna eat? No. Sex? No. How about to smoke a joint and play some CivV or watch favourite YouTube channel? No.",-0.9807,negative,devastated 1813,depressed,I don't know what to do with my life,listener_1,2,"Remwmber to turn to god, your purpose is to worship god, alway put your trust in god, remember in this life there is no true happiness, we all get moody but remember that everything is temporarily,nothing is permanent, rich people who owns palaces get depressed, and miserable, but they w9nt show that part of their life",-0.4268,negative,trusting 1813,depressed,I don't know what to do with my life,listener_2,3,We don't allow promotion of religion in this subreddit.,-0.1695,negative,faithful 1814,depressed,Things I’m good at,speaker,1,1. Pushing people away bc I’m a depressed sack of potatoes 2. Self degradation. Sometimes bc of #1,-0.7717,negative,ashamed 1814,depressed,Things I’m good at,listener_1,2,"bruh, that hit too close to home. lol",0.4215,positive,agreeing 1814,depressed,Things I’m good at,speaker,3,Sorry dude,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1815,depressed,Need some advice!!,speaker,1,"So I have a small dilemma. I have been suffering from pretty severe depression for about 8 months. In January I started a new job and absolutely hate it. Since day 1, I’ve hated it. I’m a recent college grad so have been having a very hard adjustment to fully paying all of my bills and working full time and just simply entering into adult life. Right around the time I started my new job I had a huge falling out with my roommate that caused me to move out to live alone and that really made my depression take a huge turn for the worse. It’s been 3 months in my job and I still hate it. I’ve had a lot of anxiety attacks while at work and have spent a lot of time crying at my cube. I have no idea what I want to do with my life career wise but I know it’s not this. I have been wanting to quit for a really long time. I have enough in my savings to get me by for about a month but am afraid I won’t find another job and am also afraid that not having anything to do during the day will put me into more and more depressive episodes. This job is not helping me. It is always on my mind. All I think about it how much I hate my job and going back and forth on if I should quit or not. I want to but am afraid it will be a bad decision. I just don’t know what to do about it. I know if I quit, when I tell my family they’ll be upset that I quit at a good office job but they don’t understand that even the fact that I get out of bed to come here every day is a huge accomplishment. Should I quit?",-0.9813,negative,sad 1815,depressed,Need some advice!!,listener_1,2,"Hey, it sucks to work a full time job you hate, but maybe look for a different job before quitting this one. I know how soul draining it is to wake up everyday, knowing you'll be misarable for like 8 hours. But i made the mistake of quitting w/o a new job in advance and it honestly just kinda made me feel useless being unimployed (even though there's really no shame in it) . So I would advice to avoid that 'mistake'. (Sorry for possible bad English)",-0.8612,negative,suggesting 1815,depressed,Need some advice!!,listener_2,3,"This is unfortunately the only answer. Look for interviews. Abandoning your job without a plan b will make life difficult and it probably wont do much to help your depression. If i were you, I would come up with a concise list of the things you don’t like about your job and mention them in the interview (politely, without sounding like you’re putting down your current company). For example, if your biggest issue is a lack of socialization or a lack of people your age, mention that you’re a social person and a big part of a happy workplace for you is getting to interact with people in a similar phase of life, and thats something that your current workplace just doesn’t have to offer.",-0.7912,negative,disappointed 1816,depressed,Life is great why am I getting worse,speaker,1,"I should be getting better. I'm in college, I have an amazing boyfriend, I'm active in church. But it's not. Actually I'm getting worse and it's effecting everything. My grades are dropping and I lack the energy to shower or motivation to eat. I want to sit in my bed and just let my mind be numb while I zone out and ""watch"" YouTube. I cause arguments with my boyfriend then immediantly regret them. I feel like I'm going crazy because life is supposed to get better now that I'm out of the terrible town I was in but it hasn't. I'm miserable and hate college but feel like I have no shot at a good life without it. I don't want to end up in debt. I don't want to lose my boyfriend. And I don't want to keep going like this but I see no way out. All I have the motivation to do is sleep and lay here and disassociate. I just want to be happy and normal but it seems like that hasn't happened since I was a kid. Anxiety and depression run my life, I have no future no friends and no hope anymore...",-0.8744,negative,sad 1816,depressed,Life is great why am I getting worse,listener_1,2,"I feel the exact same way. I am in college and I just want to get out already. I did not go to class yesterday and I did not go today (at this point I just want to pass my classes, no longer care for an A). I am convinced that college has given me various mental illnesses and I just want to get out so bad. I remember working as a cashier and I was happier doing that than doing this college shit. However, you are not single like me. Perhaps talk to your boyfriend? I would imagine chatting/being with him will make you feel better? Also, remember that college is not for everybody. If anything, college is just around as a tool for people to learn more about themselves and the world. Honestly, consider your options and follow your heart. No matter what decisions you make in life, people will judge you for it anyway; so why not just do what makes you happy? I’m a senior in college and I feel like I’m just dragging it along at this point but I’m so close to graduating...at this point I’m just milking it.",0.5482,positive,apprehensive 1816,depressed,Life is great why am I getting worse,speaker,3,"I also skipped out on classes today. I'm at my Max for most of them 😬 I am in my first semester and I'm 100% sure it's not for me. I want to start my own small business but I know I need a job between now and then. I will probably just switch and do CNA so I have income while I get to where I want to be. He's supportive of whatever I want as long as I'm happy, as I've been for him. (Switched from pursuing mechanical engineer to firefighter) thank you for the advice I really do need to remember people will judge regardless",0.918,positive,faithful 1817,depressed,I lost my friends because of my attitude and I don't know how to change,speaker,1,"I have bipolar disorder and adhd and I was pretty much abused growing up. My parents changed already and they don't hurt me anymore, but I find that I hurt myself instead. I lash out pretty bad when it comes to group works or when I'm really not in the mood and my whole day just gets ruined. I really don't know how to change and I've been experiencing this probably for probably about 5 years. I always lose friends and I don't know how to cope now because it was my ex boyfriend, ex best friend, and two staple friends I always had lunch with last year. I really don't know how to change and I'm thinking if I should quit social media for the whole summer or even start right now nearing the end of the school year because all my fights happen online. I really don't know what to do and I've acknowledged so many problems over time that it gets overwhelming or it gets repetitive. I'm always just stuck in the first step. I'm an extrovert and extremely dependent on people so I don't know if I should really isolate myself to avoid losing any more loved ones or being a burden to others. It really let's me get into a state of depression and I can't function as a normal human being. I am also extremely impatient so I really beat myself over stuff I did wrong because I can't change instantaneously. Please suggest on how I could change because I really want to and I've been contemplating suicide, but I just don't want to leave this world as someone who didn't even try to change and didn't have any growth in them. I really loved the people I lost and I really want to get them back in the future. All suggestions and comments will be highly appreciated.",-0.9748,negative,ashamed 1817,depressed,I lost my friends because of my attitude and I don't know how to change,listener_1,2,"First of all, yes delete social media. For so many reasons thats an amazing idea. Second of all, if you are blowing up at people for things they do, you should try and bring it up before it gets to the point you will blow up. Recognizing this is the first step, good job. Next I would put together a step by step plan of what you are going to do next time you feel like blowing up. For example step one might be to put your phone in a kitchen cabinet, and then grab a journal. Step two is venting your frustrations. Maybe step three is drinking a full glass of water, a cold shower, putting your face is a bowl of water etc. This is truly in your control, and it is up to you to stop it. Finally I hope you are already seeing a professional. If not get on that ASAP. They can provide additional tips and support. The main key is that you have to actually want to stop this. You are in control of yourself, and no one can stop this for you. You will only keep pushing people away.",0.872,positive,agreeing 1817,depressed,I lost my friends because of my attitude and I don't know how to change,speaker,3,Thank you so much. This will really help me :),0.8297,positive,acknowledging 1817,depressed,I lost my friends because of my attitude and I don't know how to change,listener_1,4,Im so glad!!! Good luck :) you can do this.,0.9275,positive,wishing 1818,depressed,I love how locking me in a hospital is the best idea they could come up with to stop me from thinking about suicide.,speaker,1,"I have been thinking about killing myself since childhood and I hate that I'm still alive at 23. I have attempted in the past sure but I just wanted help. Here I am 3 months later and I just feel used like they stuck me in a trap because I'm not like everyone else. Now they say I need medication, but when I say I'm disabled they laugh. I'm so tired of this world. Fuck people.",-0.7938,negative,angry 1818,depressed,I love how locking me in a hospital is the best idea they could come up with to stop me from thinking about suicide.,listener_1,2,"Im sorry you feel this way :( I dont know many details, but most likely you are in the hospital for your safety, and so you can receive more intensive help. You should try medication if you have not before, for some people it really is the key to their recovery. If you want to share more, I may be able to give some more advice, no pressure. We're in this together OP",0.918,positive,sympathizing 1818,depressed,I love how locking me in a hospital is the best idea they could come up with to stop me from thinking about suicide.,speaker,3,I'm done with medication I took meds for 10 straight years and I never wanted to live or ever felt better. The doctors never listened and I dont think I will ever find one that does. I'm on meds right now and if someone offered me a suicide pill I would give them literally everything I own for it.,-0.1779,negative,faithful 1818,depressed,I love how locking me in a hospital is the best idea they could come up with to stop me from thinking about suicide.,listener_1,4,"Im sorry youve had such terrible experiences. I know how stupid it sounds to even think of recovery, but it is entirely in your control. I dont want to sound to harsh, but at this point you need to decide if you want to recover, or if you have given up. If you have given up, there is not much anyone can do for you. All the doctors can do is give you medication and put you in a hospital. I have a great team of professionals around me, there are good ones out there. I empathize with how frustrating and depressing it must feel to feel constantly misunderstood and ignored. If you want to recover I would encourage you to keep trying different professionals, dont keep seeing one if you don't like them. I know recovery is daunting, but it is up to you my friend, and I wish I had realized this earlier. No one is going to make you feel better but you.",0.6599,positive,caring 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,1,"I have a wonderful girlfriend. I have two soft amazing cats. I don’t want to leave them behind. I just don’t want to live anymore. Maybe I’m awful. My girlfriend might get sad without me, what will my cats do? I just don’t know what to do.",0.4215,positive,devastated 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_1,2,"Same thing.I have a normal life,friends,girlfriend,opportunities,but every day I just want to die,I don't know why,really.I feel sad when I think of leaving it all behind,but I just can't enjoy this life.",-0.6628,negative,sad 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,3,"You just gotta fight through it. We both can. I have no method of suicide at this point, so I have no choice but to make the best of it. Let’s both, together, make the best of it. Harder than it sounds, sure, but a little foolish optimism won’t hurt.",0.8477,positive,hopeful 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,4,"It’s just that there’s so many things I want to experience but never will. Little things that would mean the world to me. And without those, it’s not worth it.",-0.2141,negative,sentimental 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_2,5,What sort of things ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_1,6,"I wanted to kill myself this summer,or even this week.But I met my girlfriend.It was really strange,I wasn't just thinking of suicide,I planned it. And here she is,appears out of nowhere, filling my life with sense,love and understanding.I still feel bad sometimes,but I am not going to kill myself anytime soon. What I am trying to say is: Don't lose hope,something good can happen to you,when feel that everything is never going to be normal.",-0.6818,negative,grateful 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,7,"My mood just swings so much, but at the moment I’m rather positive. About to go skate. Might have fun. Thanks, though. I feel like an attention seeker for posting this, I was a lil fucked up.",0.8847,positive,excited 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_3,8,Is that endorsement of suicide?,-0.4939,negative,questioning 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,9,Maybe I’ll make it work for me if I keep trying.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_4,10,It won’t.,0.0,neutral,afraid 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,11,"Eh, call me a fool, but I might just be able to change. Not the first time I’ve thought this though lmao",0.6597,positive,suggesting 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,12,"Stay safe, mate.",0.4404,positive,encouraging 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_4,13,You’re not a fool you’re a mark.,0.3412,positive,neutral 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,14,"I’ll never see the song West Coast by FIDLAR live. They don’t preform it anymore, with their new album being mainly edm. I’ll never be able to see my pregnant cat’s kittens grow up, because I can’t keep them in my apartment. I’ll never have a high school romance, I’m already out. I’ll never have a happy childhood, because that’s long and gone. I’ll never get to see my old friends I was forced to move away from. I grew up in poverty, and while I know a lot of people do, I’m always going to be salty for my parents deciding to have kids when they were broke and methheads. I’m salty about my very existence, and rather than just being grateful for the cards I was dealt, I’m the child that throws the cards on the table in frustration.",-0.6703,negative,sad 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_4,15,An acknowledgement of the trapped feeling it gives you when you realize it’s logical,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_3,16,"Euthanasia itself is rational if the decision is made by compentant minds, but I can't support compulsive self-destruction like suicide. I admit though that bad habits are a form of self-harm if they are leading to an early death, and I have bad habits.",-0.9703,negative,ashamed 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,17,"While I understand entirely what you mean, I still would prefer having no knowledge of life. A person standing on a burning high rise may want to live, but they certainly don’t want to burn to death, so they jump off, to save themselves from that horrible experience. And while I certainly want to avoid all future tragedies in my life, and it is certainly a motive, it’s not the only thing there. There are things I want to experience but never will, and these things, to me, are enough to warrant giving up on my life. I have no reasonable method at this stage in life, but that doesn’t subtract from the feeling. I’ll never have the life I want, simply because the life I want has passed. I can’t go back to that. I’ll never go to parties in my high school career, and I’ll never see my old friends again. I’ll never re-experience that part of life, and the choices I made are irrefutable. I understand that it was MY choice, and mine alone. But I’ll never see most of my favorite bands and songs live. FIDLAR will never play Wake Bake Skate live anywhere near me, and by the time I’m even able to go to their concerts, they’ll stop performing that song. FIDLAR’s new album isn’t my style, but it’s all I’ll hear if I go to their concerts. Even though they are potential pieces of shit, The Orwells has been one of my longtime favorite bands. I’ll never see them live, they disbanded. I’ll never see PUP perform their self-titled album, because they don’t play those songs no more. And I know that these things aren’t everything, and mean very little to most people. However, I don’t feel right without it. And until I do, I may never find my way out.",-0.2722,negative,agreeing 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,listener_5,18,"I love pup too! The new album is good. I think if you give yourself some things to look forward to it’ll help. Your life isn’t over, and depression is a death sentence. The good thing is it might seem like you’re in a burning building, but your 99.9% likely to survive it. You have the power to be happy. You just have to hold on through bad shit until you find what works. I’m still doing that right now. There’s a podcast called the hilarious world of depression. It’s amazing. And it really shows you how many people deal with depression, and that there is hope. PM if you’d like.",0.5983,positive,joyful 1819,depressed,Am I Selfish for Wanting to Die?,speaker,19,"That’s wonderful, dude! I’m not really much for physical self harm, I just usually ruin my life with self destructive tendencies. You keep at it though, mate. It’s really important you stay safe.",-0.5992,negative,acknowledging 1820,depressed,Fuckitol,speaker,1,"My marriage is in fucking shambles, yet again. Why is our fucking relationship so fragile? I interrupted her in an important discussion we were having and she refused to finish her sentence and it just escalated from there. And to think just 10 minutes before we were discussing funny decals we could put on her car. She says she can’t trust me enough to talk to me about anything. I ask her what the hell shes doing here then. I told her I don’t want to be in a relationship with those dynamics. We both yelled at each other, although I started yelling first. Now she is locked in our bedroom until further notice. I really thought we had broken this cycle and we would be out of this funk and I was just getting to be optimistic again. Now we are right back here and I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t want either of us to fall back into the depression we are both prone to, but it seems likely that at least one of us will do just that. I love her very much. Something just isn’t clicking anymore. We share the same values and interests for the most part, but something else is off. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I don’t want our marriage to end.",0.9289,positive,furious 1820,depressed,Fuckitol,listener_1,2,"Why don't you have a calm open talk with each other. Sit down on the bed or couch, and with a very passive tone begin talking and LSITENING. Make sure that when you're being unheard you (respectfully) let her know that, and don't raise your voice, and if you feel like one of you is about to explode, hit pause, take a break, and come back and keep talking. And no judgement, not trying to excuse yourself for anything. If she says ""I don't like that you fart during lunch"" don't reply with ""well I can't help but fart those are natural human needs!"" Just accept it, and try to change for the better. Shod you choose to do this, show her this message too so that she knows exactly how to behave. Lastly, it's about how you're feeling, not about trying to blame the other person for problems. And of you truly love her don't only tell her, but SHOW her.",0.9564,positive,questioning 1820,depressed,Fuckitol,speaker,3,"I guess not defending myself is my biggest challenge. Along with not interrupting when I don’t like something that is said or feeling the need to correct the record. I just want her to see that it’s not personal. It’s a compulsion that I’m trying to curb. Hell, she does it too. Lots of people do because we are all human beings. Definitely won’t show her this message because she wouldn’t react well to being told how she needs to behave. Most of the time she is great at reading a room and behaving accordingly. I am the asshole, generally. She is more passive than I am. Because I bark louder than she does and am first to show my teeth when provoked I always end up lookin like the asshole. I’m not good at manipulation and being passive aggressive. I sometimes feel I am being manipulated by her and provoked on purpose.",0.7402,positive,guilty 1820,depressed,Fuckitol,listener_1,4,"Well then having that in mind, try your best to remain calm while talking to get and tell her that you sometimes feel manipulated by hey and provoked on purpose, but dont just say that. Give her examples because as you said, we're all human beings, and as human beings we don't always realize what we're doing. So just calmly tell her what you feel and how she makes you feel (good and bad). If you can find a mediator (hopefully someone who is an expert) then I think it would make it easier. I wish you much luck and if you have any further questions or if you'd like to keep discussing this with me just let me know :) I'm more than happy to help",0.9891,positive,neutral 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,speaker,1,"It’s really hard for me to say what’s changed because I don’t know. Over the past year I’ve lost so many friends, and the closest girlfriend Ive ever had. My anxiety has also skyrocketed over this year. I feel so uncomfortable with everything. I want to just go sometimes and it sucks that I can, because I do to much. Mj is a hell of a plant.",-0.888,negative,anxious 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,listener_1,2,Omg ! Janani is that you ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,speaker,3,Ay shit bruh u my twin,-0.5574,negative,angry 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,listener_1,4,"I still have loads of feelings for her. I don't have the guts to express my feelings. Even if I do, she'll only reject me saying that I'm not respecting her choices. Painfully staying friends with her, until I lose my shit altogether.",-0.8985,negative,ashamed 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,listener_2,5,I just went through something like this. We broke up but continued to be romantic with each other. It didn't feel like we broke up to me. When she started seeing another guy I tried to just ignore it and continue to be her friend but I couldn't do it. We ended up fighting about it a lot. Now I'm blocked and have to accept she's gone forever,-0.5291,negative,lonely 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,speaker,6,I still have feelings for my girl to. But she cut me off. Everything. I got gym with her tho. But I haven’t said a word because I don’t know what I would say. And how she would react,-0.3919,negative,apprehensive 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,listener_1,7,"I've got blocked once, but I pleaded to her, by slapping myself for 300 times (In a very hard manner, using a shoe with big sole) and cut my wrist several times. Just to be friends with her. I didn't force her to love by giving suicide threats, we can never force someone to love us. But I've never stopped trying to kill myself till date. (Was on the verge of death by hanging, like...just a single leap forward would've got me killed in no time, because I tied myself from toe to head, but had last minute second thoughts which I still regret and backed up). It's been over 7-8 months since break-up and it still hurts. Feels like it's never gonna stop. Dropped out of clg and stayed in my room for 5 months, every single day crying myself to sleep and waking myself with numbness, lost all my friends, but stayed in contact with her(only via texts, she said that she didn't wanted to talk to me over phone) I would text her all day and all night, msgs that look like this comment except that they are 10 folds bigger (size) she barely responds to them) I'm the best example of victims of break-ups with unhealthy attachment issues) Tried everything to get over with, mj, spirituality (I used to be an atheist), started following philosophical concepts like Existential Nihilism, switched to Absurdism...even though it helped me relive for as long as it lasts, it didn't help me feel any less bad. Life as turned upside down ever since. (It's 100% not her fault but mine) there's no foreseeable future left for me, I don't see myself anywhere in life. Feels like I shouldn't exist anymore. I started going to a job that pays peanuts for about 3 months now, just to save up some money to buy some drugs to OD and die.",-0.9731,negative,faithful 1821,depressed,Was feeling the best I’ve ever felt about a year ago. Now I can say the opposite,listener_3,8,This sounds miserable bro. I wish you the best. I'm sorry. I can relate.,0.5267,positive,acknowledging 1822,depressed,This world sucks,speaker,1,"I go to my shitty fucking job every day earning minimum wage. With what money I do have I put towards my car. I enjoy cars and have an interest in modifying them, it's what keeps me going in life. I've probably spent a good $15,000 on my car. Well now it's gone because some low life piece of shit stole it. I work my ass off to buy things that bring me a little joy, but no... someone has to take that away from me. People who steal are fucken scum. Imagine a world without leeching cunts & dishonest evil minded people, can you? Me neither...",-0.9149,negative,devastated 1822,depressed,This world sucks,listener_1,2,"Most thieves don't steel modified cars, they are too unique to the owner. I'd bet you'll see it again, it will be recovered.",-0.5563,negative,trusting 1823,depressed,I an worthless,speaker,1,"I have been depressed for almost three years, and it's slowly getting worse. I am constantly sick, and cut myself several times a day( I'm actually a couple days free of cutting for the first time in a years) but even tho i haven't cut, I think about suicide everyday, I am also a lesbian, and trying to keep it from my family is so hard I just want to die I can't keep living like this😥😥",-0.9725,negative,guilty 1823,depressed,I an worthless,listener_1,2,"Remember my sister that you are special,satan whant to makes you lifelessly and hopeless, life is temporarily nothing is permanent, turn to god my sister.",-0.2263,negative,consoling 1823,depressed,I an worthless,speaker,3,"I'm trying, do you possibly know any Bible verses to turn to when I'm down?",0.0,neutral,questioning 1823,depressed,I an worthless,listener_2,4,Just remember some of the greatest prophets and kings in the bible actually prayed for God to kill them. They wanted to die. But God got them through and he did powerful things through them. If that makes you feel any better,0.8422,positive,faithful 1823,depressed,I an worthless,listener_1,5,"Sister, im a muslim, i can give you a quranic chapter, give it a try, and inshallah it will help you, now i want you to go to google and type ""surah al duha chapter 93"" forst website will appear called ""quran.com"" its arabic with english translation, since you believe in god, inshallah it will effect you in a good way. If you want to know more dm sister peace.",0.9014,positive,consoling 1824,depressed,I regret ever deciding to talk about my emotions with other people,speaker,1,"I had so much control when I didn’t know what I was thinking. Sure I was sad I couldn’t talk to anyone about how I feel most of the time but I was generally happy. Now that I have talked to some people, I uncovered this terrible person inside of me that represent all of my emotions. But now I can’t talk any of them and I’m stuck all by myself telling myself I can’t die no matter how much I really want to.",-0.8105,negative,lonely 1824,depressed,I regret ever deciding to talk about my emotions with other people,listener_1,2,"Please do not think of yourself as some bad person.I felt the same,but managed to imagine myself as a good person. Your thoughts are material,so stay positive,and stay strong.",0.6124,positive,wishing 1825,depressed,DAE get so anxious they can't move and work and all they can think about is suicide?,speaker,1,"I'm having an internal panic attack right now and I don't know what to do. I can't tell anyone because I've done it so many times and it hasn't helped me at all. I don't like over sharing to people who know me personally, but if I message a friend or post it on any social media platform, I am sure to over share. Reddit, help me out here.",0.8473,positive,apprehensive 1825,depressed,DAE get so anxious they can't move and work and all they can think about is suicide?,listener_1,2,"All that I have been able to do in situations like the is just to stand up, leave the building, and go for a walk outside while listening to music. And I don't mean a calm relaxed walk, I just go and power walk to use up energy. Do be careful what music you listen to because fast paced and internet music can just keep you more in your head and make it worse. I hope this helps and.",0.8417,positive,prepared 1825,depressed,DAE get so anxious they can't move and work and all they can think about is suicide?,speaker,3,hello it has been 11 hours from posting and the only way im keeping myself sane is shitposting memes,0.0,neutral,annoyed 1825,depressed,DAE get so anxious they can't move and work and all they can think about is suicide?,listener_2,4,Some people get a kick out of meme-streams and someone also needs to post them.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 1826,depressed,Why is self harm bad?,speaker,1,"Like sure, it's physically pains me, but that's my point. Mainly for the physical pain and feeling, just so that I can stop feeling this fog of depression in my chest and head. A louder distraction than what's continuously ringing in my head. I don't exactly have intentions for suicide, mainly cause it's too scary. But I just want to stop feeling this sad, and to feel something else. The things I love tend to be video games, hanging out with friends, or watching YouTube. But no matter how loud I play, how many people im surrounded by, or how many hours I put into videos, I'm constantly loomed with this pressure of isolation, specifically in my chest and reaching to my head. But when I ""self harm"" (I'll spare y'all of the details) I can feel the adrenaline and frankly a bit of fear drown out my sadness for a while. And the pain throbs and I focus on that, and its relieving to feel something other than loneliness and hatred.",-0.9952,negative,lonely 1826,depressed,Why is self harm bad?,listener_1,2,Everybody feels lonely. That’s the one thing I’ve learned growing up. Why damage your own body just to feel though. Honestly just seems like an inconvenience to me. The only way to feel is to do what you normally wouldn’t. Get out of your comfort zone and understand yourself. Self harm is bad because cutting yourself seems like more of an attention grabber. You wanna grab attention change who you are? Then do it. Make a plan u can actually stick to and grab attention that way.,-0.6705,negative,lonely 1826,depressed,Why is self harm bad?,listener_2,3,And selfharm is not a good solution because you hurt yourself and leave scars and it has a lot of negatives after you do it. I hope you get through this hard time. If you need more help you can always DM me.,-0.3767,negative,consoling 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,speaker,1,"I just feel stressed, overwhelmed, tired and just really agitated. I’ve not been like this in months, but I’ve slipped back down. It’s always the worst when you feel like there’s no one to talk to and just have to handle it yourself. I know what to do - it’s always the first step that’s the hardest.",-0.8873,negative,lonely 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,listener_1,2,What’s the first step?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,speaker,3,"Do the small tasks I’ve been putting off, shape my environment and get into good healthy routines.",0.6808,positive,prepared 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,listener_1,4,That’s a lot of work to do all at once. Why not try just doing one little thing and moving up from there?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,listener_2,5,"Fuck it, let's just not do anything.",-0.5423,negative,suggesting 1827,depressed,I’ve not felt like this in a while.,speaker,6,I tried and it worked until I fell out the habit,0.0,neutral,neutral 1828,depressed,I want my death to benefit others.,speaker,1,I recently got a pretty large inheritance like 300 thousand dollars but I just don’t care to live any longer so I want to leave it all to a charity. Is there any organizations that would help me seek out assisted suicide if it benefited others?,0.8279,positive,questioning 1828,depressed,I want my death to benefit others.,listener_1,2,I would ask a lawyer. This sub doesn't cover issues surrounding suicide like you request.,-0.4588,negative,apprehensive 1828,depressed,I want my death to benefit others.,speaker,3,I’ve never talked to a lawyer but that seems like a good place to start. Thanks,0.899,positive,acknowledging 1828,depressed,I want my death to benefit others.,speaker,4,I don’t know I feel like it would be selfish keeping it knowing I would just waste it on drugs n probably end up in the same boat in a couple years. I’d rather die with what lil dignity I have left and hopefully help others in the process.,-0.0516,negative,apprehensive 1829,depressed,I feel useless.,speaker,1,"I'm almost in my 30s, I've never had a job, no license or car, zero friends, never had a boyfriend, I still live at home with my parents. I'm very introverted, shy with anxiety. I can't keep conversations going. I tend to push myself away from people in real life and on the web. I feel useless, lonely, and a burden, etc. I feel like just ending everything. At this point I hate being alive. I feel lost...",-0.8801,negative,lonely 1829,depressed,I feel useless.,listener_1,2,Messaged you,0.0,neutral,questioning 1829,depressed,I feel useless.,listener_2,3,"I agree with all of that except the putting it online part. You have to be careful what you share online, especially if it is very personal or could be incriminating.",0.6486,positive,agreeing 1829,depressed,I feel useless.,listener_3,4,"Always be careful what you post online, definitely.",0.5106,positive,agreeing 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,speaker,1,"I'm 17 high school dropout cant get employed no friends bad at literally everything i attempt, even the video games i spent thousands of hours on leeched off my parents and brother my whole life next year im gonna be homeless and i have no idea how to keep myself alive even within a home. what do i do gents?",0.1769,positive,devastated 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,listener_1,2,Learn a trade/skillset and train by doing as an assistant to a veteran trade/guild worker.,0.0,neutral,impressed 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,speaker,3,"dont even know what that is and im to lazy to even bother finding out, i dont have the time or patients to go to trade school or whatever though",-0.5994,negative,neutral 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,listener_2,4,"If you think your to lazy to even try,then why are you asking us for help? We can give you all the advice you need,but your the one who has to use that advice and do something with it.We cant help you out more than that",-0.2635,negative,neutral 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,listener_1,5,Something as simple as helping out a carpenter?,0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 1830,depressed,i cant get any lower,speaker,6,didnt say i blamed depression but whateva,-0.1464,negative,neutral 1831,depressed,Abolishing despair,speaker,1,What do you do to get rid of a panicked state and feeling of despair? No matter what I tell myself I just want out and no good thought will do. Usually I can hold it in but if alone I just burst out crying and plan out a getaway to calm down which is always about travelling somewhere far to end it all What is the best thing to do to avoid this? How do you heal instead of coping?,-0.3027,negative,anxious 1831,depressed,Abolishing despair,listener_1,2,"Hey PearQiwi, I'm really sorry to hear you're upset. I don't claim to be an expert, but I can suggest what I personally try to do. I know you want to do more than just cope, but I think a large part of managing stress is finding coping strategies that you're comfortable with, and that consistently work for you. I would suggest clearly defining what's causing your feelings of despair. Even if it seems obvious, keep working toward the root of the problem(s). Take notes as you go so you can look back on your thought process. Clearly defining the stressors will help you to figure out successful ways to either deal with them, or prevent them altogether. Make a plan and start to gradually work toward changing what you can, and try to accept the things that are beyond your control. Not all stress can be avoided, and it may help to have indirect methods of feeling more balanced. Think of activities, hobbies, crafts, ect. that take your mind off your problems, and be sure to make time for these things. &#x200B; If you feel yourself getting overwhelmed in a situation, pull a ""Happy Gilmore"" and find your happy place. Tell yourself that no matter how grim it seems at that moment, you'll be able to do something you enjoy to compensate later. Sleep, diet and exercise can also affect mood, and improving these could potentially be a good place to start. &#x200B; I hope something I said is applicable, and I wish you the best.",0.994,positive,sympathizing 1831,depressed,Abolishing despair,speaker,3,"Hey there, Hyper_Fresh. I do have a couple getaway places, they really make me feel calm and it's a strategy I've been using. What I noticed is that despite having the will to do things, when I finally get home and could do it I just don't, can't think of how and where to begin and it overlwhelms me, just spend hours doing nothing. I have trouble focusing and sometimes take a couple second to understand questions like my name, other times I'm on edge and everything comes to mind instantaneously. My diet is very inconsistent, sometimes I can't eat at all, less times I eat a lot. My BMI is at 17.9. I know most of the roots, just doesn't seem like I can solve them despite believing the opposite and motivating myself. When the time comes memory just fails, with confusion and exhaustion kicking in. This also includes documenting things, I started using an app called daylio a couple months back but it's not really showing anything I haven't realized. But this is my daily deal, what I originally posted is a once every three days occurrence. I can usually hold panic attacks if not alone in my room.",-0.7555,negative,embarrassed 1831,depressed,Abolishing despair,listener_1,4,"I can relate to the lack of motivation. There could be lots to get done, and yet just the thought of it is enough to exhaust you. Plus, any problems with memory are just going to contribute to the frustration. &#x200B; To combat this, I keep a notepad handy, and make to-do lists as I think of things that need to be done. It helps me organize tasks by importance, and makes visualizing how to complete them much easier. It also takes away the mental strain of trying to keep it all organized in my head. &#x200B; If it's still too daunting once it's all written down, put it aside and do something uplifting for a bit. Sounds like you're coming home from a stressful day and trying to tackle more stress once your home. You need something that that's going to help ease your mind and refresh you before you take on more work. Both your trouble focusing and feeling on edge could be attributed to unresolved stress. If your always subconsciously worried, it could cause you to feel distant, or agitated depending on other environmental factors. Aim to get on a schedule that allows you to get a good sleep, and eat well. As motivation, I try to think of it like spoiling myself. Who doesn't want to eat and sleep well? It just might take a little more effort for some people, but more power to you if you can overcome your obstacles to achieve it. Remember that you're worth the effort. &#x200B; If this is a daily/weekly struggle, it sounds like you're burnt out and could use a break. I'm not sure if it's possible in your situation, but perhaps consider taking a few personal days to sort things out. Ask family/friends to cover for you and spend some quiet time to yourself to find your balance. Once you feel ready, try to change your home/room so that you feel good about it. It will make dealing with all the uncontrolled variables outside your home much easier knowing you have a comfortable space to return to.",0.8834,positive,prepared 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,speaker,1,"I have everything a good job, amazing girlfriend who i live with but im just so fucking sad and even though i have my girlfriend at home usually i feel so fucking alone i couldnt kill myself but i just really wouldnt mind dying",0.024,neutral,lonely 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_1,2,That’s your soul screaming for attention. Are you living according to your life’s purpose? You need to do mantras to clean your aura so you can hear your inner teacher and evolve. Www.violetflame.com,0.0258,neutral,prepared 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_2,3,Please stop spamming religious orientated media.,-0.4588,negative,annoyed 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_3,4,"I agree with you. Even I don't have what he has. At this point I should be giving up on my life, but that's actually not a good idea.",-0.1677,negative,agreeing 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_1,5,This is a depression group and ppl share support and what has helped them. This is what I did too.,0.0516,positive,agreeing 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_4,6,"Trust me, I want to give up so, so badly.",-0.1005,negative,faithful 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_2,7,"Alright, but leave the website out of the comment as well as specifics; you can talk about how visualizing something helped you of course.",0.431,positive,neutral 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_1,8,"I will not leave out something if I think it will help someone. Whether it’s a book, or a website, or any other resource. What reason would I leave that out for? Other people share what things helped them.",0.5924,positive,faithful 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_2,9,"Ok, but you are linking to a known religious organization, and that is against the sub rules.",0.0,neutral,neutral 1832,depressed,ever just want to die,listener_1,10,It’s a website about energy that can heal a person of depression. This person wants to die. How are you addressing that? What are the priorities of this forum? Attacking someone trying to help or helping someone?,-0.7303,negative,questioning 1833,depressed,Just what the fucking hell is wrong with me.,speaker,1,😭,-0.4767,negative,annoyed 1833,depressed,Just what the fucking hell is wrong with me.,listener_1,2,"look up your symptoms online man, understanding your illness is a great first step",0.34,positive,acknowledging 1833,depressed,Just what the fucking hell is wrong with me.,speaker,3,I know I have depression. But depression still doesn't make sense.,-0.8126,negative,guilty 1833,depressed,Just what the fucking hell is wrong with me.,listener_1,4,"I totally understand man, depression sucks. its just there all the time, and it makes everything grey and sad. just keep going man, I am rooting for you",-0.8542,negative,agreeing 1834,depressed,Need positive vibes,speaker,1,"29F, was diagnosed as bipolar as a teen and used to cut myself. Haven’t really had any depressive episodes in awhile. Lately I’ve been feeling that dark cloud creeping back into my life. Last weekend I felt like I physically couldn’t get out of bed and my sweet boyfriend tried to comfort me but I just broke down crying... for no real reason other than I felt like I’m a useless human being with nothing to live for. Lately at work I feel like I’m annoying everyone around me, there used to be jokes and chatting between me and the people I work near but lately they just talk with themselves and they are kind of short with me. Today, I had a patient call in and he was a massive piece of shit to me. Extremely disrespectful and rude, told me he “didn’t appreciate my attitude” when I literally was speaking to him in my normal every day voice. I asked another patient who was sitting across from me if I sounded like I had an attitude and she confirm that I sounded normal to her. But the way he talked to me really upset me and I just haven’t been able to stop crying since that happened. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow as I’m feeling extremely emotionally exhausted. I’m crying as I’m writing this and just need help. I don’t feel like I can keep convincing myself I’m happy when deep down I feel like I’m dying.",-0.9078,negative,sad 1834,depressed,Need positive vibes,listener_1,2,"I am 24 f ... And right there with you. I am really depressed right now.. I work at a hospital and i feel like im annoying people. I got hit in the face by a PT. And it broke my glasses.. So the boss wants to see me. So that's more stress. Also to top it all off I went home sick last night.. I puked at work.. And tonight I work with someone who openly doesnt like me at all.. I hope things get better. Just practice the ""1 self care act a day"" rule.. Patients can be feisty.. And ornery.. Just bother them with kindness.",-0.7757,negative,sad 1834,depressed,Need positive vibes,speaker,3,This man screamed at me because I didn’t give him the answer he wanted to hear. Today was a better day. Why do people think it’s ok to treat us horrible when our job is just trying to help them?,0.5719,positive,furious 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,speaker,1,It’s so sad man..,-0.5256,negative,sympathizing 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,listener_1,2,I don't think this is quite the right community r/lost redditors,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,speaker,3,It’s so sad man :(,-0.762,negative,sympathizing 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,listener_1,4,This is not a joke subreddit,-0.2235,negative,angry 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,speaker,5,EY! You’re not in my position a’ ight?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,listener_1,6,I've also been waiting for mordhau please don't post this on r/depressed,0.3182,positive,consoling 1835,depressed,Mordhau isn’t released yet :(,speaker,7,Hmmmm ok since you said please i’ll take it off,0.5423,positive,acknowledging 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,speaker,1,"I really don't like how I am or how I act and I make up excuses every time I do something wrong. I really want to change but I find myself in the same goddamn spot every time I lose my senses and it feels like I'm back to square one. I really do think of suicide often and it's worse cause I recently told my parents that I'm planning on killing myself, which is selfish of me to do. I mean, if I'm gonna do it, might as well not tell them, right? Everything just feels wrong and I find myself being backed up into a corner every move I make. Life sucks.",-0.9883,negative,ashamed 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,listener_1,2,"yeah thats why I dont tell my parents that Im like 70% sure I'll do it at somepoint in the next 2 years, gotta play atomic heart and borderlands 3 first before I die",0.8271,positive,confident 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,listener_2,3,Ya I am waiting as well but I also am specific about euthanasia criteria. Will I beg the nurse to quietly put me down? I want to play some upcoming games as well...get better at guitar...other stuff.,0.8381,positive,hopeful 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,listener_1,4,not a good plan at all they'll just add restraints and put you on suicide watch you cant persuade a nurse to kill someone she'd probably go to jail and it'd be a whole thing,-0.9119,negative,neutral 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,listener_2,5,"Yeah, dark humor on my part. I have told one of my Pdocs that euthanasia is in my future...like as a sick, elderly dude.",0.0,neutral,guilty 1836,depressed,everyday i hate myself a little more,speaker,6,Thank you so much. You don’t know how much this was able to brighten my day. :),0.8126,positive,grateful 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,1,"medicine is not working and i can't get help from a therapist i have no friends and i can't like anything i can't like movies, music, games, animes nothing i am boring, i have nothing to talk about everything i used to like i can't do anymore i don't know why i live",-0.5529,negative,lonely 1837,depressed,Help Please,listener_1,2,"Please, call a Hotline. Talk to someone, anyone who is in the position to help. If you're in such a rut, you deserve all the help you can get to get out. It's going to be okay.",0.8225,positive,angry 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,3,i already tried this :( found no help,-0.6841,negative,neutral 1837,depressed,Help Please,listener_1,4,"I'm so sorry to hear that. :-( You don't even have a crisis number that you can call? Nobody that will look after you when you can't? I'm so sorry. I hope you find a really cool band soon, even if it does bring menial joy.",0.3143,positive,sympathizing 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,5,what,0.0,neutral,questioning 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,6,everything looks the same sounds the same tastes the same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,7,yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 1837,depressed,Help Please,listener_2,8,"It might be hard at first, but if you want to get better then you have to work for it my man.",0.6249,positive,neutral 1837,depressed,Help Please,listener_2,9,"maybe cuz it is all the same, its all just matter man. but people put meaning behind it, and it becomes something more. try finding meaning in little things",0.0129,neutral,suggesting 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,10,:( no please i can't sleep anymore i spend the day in my bed i have nothing to do nowhere to go no one to meet i hate sleep every time i sleep i have horrible nightmares,-0.88,negative,lonely 1837,depressed,Help Please,speaker,11,no one to call i'm alone i don't know how to keep going,-0.4939,negative,lonely 1837,depressed,Help Please,listener_1,12,"Please keep going. Write, paint, do, even if it's worthless. Anything. Get sectioned if it will help you survive. Really, I don't want you to get hurt. You matter so so much. You have no idea how much influence you have. Please keep going.",-0.3789,negative,faithful 1838,depressed,Depressed Daddy,speaker,1,"I'm sorry if this is against any rules or this is not the appropriate place for this, but I just needed somewhere to type up my feelings. I am overweight, stressed out, new daddy who can't seem to find much joy in my day to day life. I love my wife and new son and they can make me happy, but everyday I struggle to want to get out of my bed. I feel no motivation to do anything. If it wasn't for me needing to provide for my family, I almost guarantee I would do absolutely nothing. I have been this way back when I started college in 2012. I just started feeling down and couldn't say why. Now, I am in a job Inhate and stresses me out on a daily basis, but I can't find another job that pays enough for my family and wouldn't require us uprooting and moving even further from family. I look in the mirror sometimes and just think ""Would anything be worse if I was gone?"" My family would end up having my life insurance to help bring more money for them than I provide, relatives and associates wouldn't feel compelled to try and include me in activities because I ""seem lonely"", and I wouldn't feel like this anymore. Thank you for letting me rant.",-0.0722,negative,ashamed 1838,depressed,Depressed Daddy,listener_1,2,"<3 you really matter to your wife. Let her know how you're feeling so she can support you back. It's painful enough feeling like this, but completely unimaginable to know you've been suffering for so long. Try and get some medical help, whether be it a therapist or a prescription. You deserve happiness. Life is worth living.",0.8453,positive,caring 1838,depressed,Depressed Daddy,listener_2,3,"I second that. Talk to her, as hard as it may seem. In a similar way I let my younger brother know recently that I’ve been feeling depressed. It was hard to open up like I did, but he’s been supportive and honestly it’s helped me for the better to have that support. I’d say open up to your wife if possible. She just might be the support you need. Heavily consider opening up to her. Keep your head up 🤝",0.9531,positive,trusting 1839,depressed,I'm dead on the inside...,speaker,1,"I can't handle this life anymore. I'm a awful person who doesn't deserve to be alive :( I don't have any real friends, my family hates me, I get hate on social media and in school everyday but no one seems to care... I've tried to fix my problems several times with different methods but nothing seems to work... For the past 3 months, I've tried different ways to end my life once and for all, hanging, cutting myself and recently trying to starve to death.",-0.9468,negative,ashamed 1839,depressed,I'm dead on the inside...,listener_1,2,"Self-harm/suicide attempts are a major problem and it requires medical treatment. We can all give you advice, but you have to resolve your critical issues by visits with a doctor.",-0.1397,negative,apprehensive 1839,depressed,I'm dead on the inside...,listener_2,3,"this is right. I would also add that the ""it gets better"" optimism is overstated; however, it *usually* gets better *for many of us* and *you are probably someone who will see much better days.* So, hang in there. You'll thank yourself later.",0.9287,positive,agreeing 1840,depressed,Realization,speaker,1,Do you ever come to the realization that no one you know actually likes you? I get told all the time that I overreact when I say this but honestly if people don't care enough about our friendship to talk to me or see me every once in a while when I'm not the one making the plans then why should i believe that they care? I feel so alone and I have no one to talk to. I need better people in my life,0.8173,positive,lonely 1840,depressed,Realization,listener_1,2,"if it's any consolation, a lot of people are haunted by the looming stress of ""becoming successful"", and try to spend a lot of time working on themselves. other people are really comfortable with their lives, even if it's stressful sometimes, and are bound to their routine. other people are really into their vices, while other people are really motivated by ideologies and causes. if you feel that nobody likes you because they're not making an effort to be in your life, it could be the perfect opportunity to explore new things and find our what things in life you do like, what you find important, and how you want to navigate the world. some people play sports, others go see live music, some people trek the outdoors. there may come a time in your life where you overwhelmed with people trying to make plans with you! now just may not be that time, and it's the perfect time to develop what yourself into a unique character, or in other words, develop and actualize your unique characteristics. you could go on teespring.com , make a t shirt! you could go on amazon direct publishing, publishing books never been so easy, and it's free! you could make a meet up group based on your interests, perhaps go traveling. i think creativity is the solution to a lot of things; but i recognize some people aren't the same way. who knows? maybe walking around town picking up trash will give you a kick.",0.9571,positive,jealous 1840,depressed,Realization,listener_2,3,"Wow this is really good advice, tnx man",0.8540000000000001,positive,acknowledging 1841,depressed,I feel so goddamn lonely.,speaker,1,"I've never felt so goddamn lonesome in my life, and trust me, I know what the hell being lonely is. I've always been lonely. However, I've reached a new low in loneliness. It's actually draining me, how lonely I am. I feel so, so goddamn depressed. I see people talking to people, and I get sad. I see a pretty girl, I get sad. I see a group of friends, o get sad. No, not sad. Downright depressed. It's getting so, so difficult to handle. I wish I had a significant other, that way I felt loved and not so lonely, and so I can give all the love I have inside me away. It's as if the love I can't give lingers inside me and turns into bitterness. I want a special connection with someone. I want to feel safe being myself around somebody who loves me. I don't even feel like I fit in in my own family. It hurts so much. I feel like a freak. A goddamn misfit. I don't belong anywhere, and nobody loves me in the way I so desire it. I don't know. Maybe I'm just an idiot. I just wish I had somebody who loved me, so that the long, sleepless nights would become happy nights. I want somebody who will take late-night walks with me, and have long deep conversations about life with me. Somebody who will just accept me and love me. It's such a goddamn cliché, but it's a cliché because who wouldn't want that? I don't know. I'm just a dumbass. I just wanted to vent. Goodnight, everybody (even though I probably won't be able to sleep).",-0.0581,negative,lonely 1841,depressed,I feel so goddamn lonely.,listener_1,2,"Holy shit. You took the words right out of my brain. I feel like this all the time. I see my coworkers make plans to hang out and I just go home and get ready for the next day. I see girls that are pretty and it makes me want to cry because I realize my youth is slowly draining. I see pictures of friends on Facebook and I get FOMO regardless of what they are doing, even if it’s mundane. I feel so isolated and like I’m watching the world around me be so full of life....and then there’s me.",0.5679,positive,lonely 1841,depressed,I feel so goddamn lonely.,listener_2,3,"Then there’s you. A beautiful observer of this life. One of the many unique few who can truly sit back and watch life’s uniqueness tumble with the winds of time. You are special, you are amazing, you are you and it’s okay if you don’t go out and do what everyone else does. Be confident being yourself. Be you, take yourself out on dates, goto the movies with yourself, and really get to know YOU. When you be yourself truly and happily, unknown REAL friends will seek you out. Life is odd, trust in it and it will give back to you. You reap what you sew ❤️",0.9818,positive,proud 1841,depressed,I feel so goddamn lonely.,listener_1,4,"This was so poetic and I appreciate the different perspective. Thanks, underboob420. I hope today treats you well.",0.8625,positive,wishing 1841,depressed,I feel so goddamn lonely.,listener_3,5,Same.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1842,depressed,idk what to do anymore,speaker,1,"I’m slowly giving up. There’s just so much piling up on my shoulders, taking up my head. I was in a bad car accident three days ago. The hospital was so cold and uncomfortable. I was already so depressed before the accident and now things are worse. I’ve gotten less than 4 hours of sleep within the past two days. I’ve lost so much weight, I haven’t been eating. I’ve been sick. I can’t tell if i’m tired or just depressed because i feel this way all the time. I’m losing control of my life. I’m losing control of things that seem so simple. I’m losing myself.",-0.9885,negative,sad 1842,depressed,idk what to do anymore,listener_1,2,Listen to yourself. Do whatever feels good even if it’s just lying in a blanket for 3 days. Also you can watch Teal Swan’s vidéos on youtube it helped me trumendously. And changed my life when I was in a blanket hiding from all the problems,-0.6597,negative,trusting 1842,depressed,idk what to do anymore,speaker,3,thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 1843,depressed,I’m losing my mind,speaker,1,"She’s toxic but she left me, making realize how I toxic I was to her... what is going on, I thought she was so toxic but I’m starting think it was all me... I can’t stop feeling like it’s all my fault.",-0.3291,negative,sad 1843,depressed,I’m losing my mind,listener_1,2,I had the same with a friend. Time will show you the answer and hopefully you can realise what was toxic about her towards you and that you just weren’t a match for those reasons,0.7096,positive,consoling 1843,depressed,I’m losing my mind,listener_2,3,YUP,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1843,depressed,I’m losing my mind,listener_3,4,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 1844,depressed,You know things are getting bad when your verbally abusive father is yelling at you to take care of yourself.,speaker,1,"I don't eat breakfast, and lately, it's a struggle to even eat lunch. I fluctuate from eating too little to eating too much. It's weird. Anyway, I've been in my bed from 8:30 AM until now, 1:23 PM. My father randomly came into my room and yelled at me, saying ""You need to start fucking taking care of yourself. Do you want lunch? I'll start the grill and make you burgers."" I think I must be pretty damn low if my scummy father even worries about me, and especially when he offers to make me food. Christ, what the hell is my life becoming? I know I shouldn't think this way, but I hope one day somebody who loves me comes along and helps me get my shit together, because I can't do it on my own..",0.6309,positive,annoyed 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,speaker,1,"I don't eat, sleep, have a will to live, I feel the only thing that is keeping me sane at night is my music on SoundCloud. I eat around 150 calories a day 5/7 days of the week. No one has noticed my hunger and the fact I've cut myself. I feel like no one cares.",-0.7565,negative,ashamed 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_1,2,"i care <3 i hope n pray one day you wake up and feel happy , i hope n pray you get to feel the warmth in your skin when the sun touches it , i hope n pray you get to look at the sky and realize that you are just as beautiful as what you see up above , i hope n pray that one day , one day you will be able to find pleasure in becoming more than how you see yourself right now . i will hold you you close to my heart even if you are a complete stranger because you are loved n there is so much beauty in this world but you have to open your eyes to see it and start with loving yourself even if its a couple yrs from now , i hope n pray you are able to find that beauty but for now i promise it will be alright - an unknown 15 yr old girl <3",0.9932,positive,hopeful 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,speaker,3,"I don't see any beauty in the world. 3rd world countries, poverty, terrorism, the world is broken in my opinion.",-0.9334,negative,disgusted 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_2,4,Hopes and prayers won't fix us Someone who cares might fix me though. I just struggle to find something mutual.,0.5423,positive,hopeful 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,speaker,5,I've tried before.,0.0,neutral,confident 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_3,6,That has always been my way to cope i feel that the people online are friendlier than real life people Pardon my bad English,0.2023,positive,sympathizing 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_4,7,"I think, when you do real online friends they are better than the irl cuz... In my case I can talk about what I'm feeling because IRL I'm to shy to talk face to face to face with people and I don't like myself as I am. They don't judge and some if them have the same situation. If u wanna talk u can send me msg and I'll reply ASAP.",0.5252,positive,trusting 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_3,8,Exactly. I can't maintain eye contact when having a conversation with someone in real life and if I do maintain eye contact I feel that they judge me with their eyes.,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_4,9,Omg. That's a HUGE same. When I stop staring I think they consider me rude...,-0.2885,negative,annoyed 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_3,10,Same. That's why I avoid conversations IRL. I only talk when it's necessary,-0.29600000000000004,negative,faithful 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_4,11,I rarely talk because I think I'm annoying...,-0.4019,negative,annoyed 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_3,12,Sometimes i feel that way but other times it's the other way around.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1845,depressed,Sighs deeply and thinks of life decisions.,listener_4,13,Yeah...,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1846,depressed,Should I just ghost this girl I met with depression?,speaker,1,"Short and simple- Met girl in psych hospital. Decent interest level. She offered her # but I just said FB for now (playing cool) I know depressed people can't always show emotion fully. We connected on Facebook upon discharge and we've been messaging a bit when she gets computer hour at her followup program. She always sends wordy, very subtle flirty and fully thought out messages but seems to veer in and out of conversation randomly. This was exactly how she was in person also. I don't have depression but I do have my own issues Ghost her or let it play out?",0.8,positive,trusting 1846,depressed,Should I just ghost this girl I met with depression?,listener_1,2,More appropriate for a 'relationships' subreddit topic.,0.0,neutral,neutral 1846,depressed,Should I just ghost this girl I met with depression?,speaker,3,those people have little to zero knowledge on depression and see everything black and white.,-0.5719,negative,neutral 1847,depressed,Why do I even feel bad (rant),speaker,1,"I feel like my life is so good but I still feel so shitty. I just wrote my last exam for university yesterday. I hung out with friends afterwards and I'm planning to see some other friends later this week. But I still feel so lonely and I hate myself so much often. I'm on antianxiety meds and sleep meds. I've been going to a psychologist for a while but I feel that the times that I need it are when I don't have her booked. I was starting to feel okay but today has just been hard. I don't even know why. It's probably unconscious childhood shit being bullied and not being comfortable with myself but why can't I just grow out of it and be an adult. I study hard, I'm in uni, I have a job lined up for the summer, I have friends that j try to talk to... I guess I've never really had friends that I talk to every day so yeah and I live far from most of my friends so idk it's hard. I think I fucked some things up this year. Mistakes with some relationships and not being more social but I was so anxious then I couldn't. A big part was just the seasonal depression I just hope I'm right in hoping that it'll go away in the summer. But then again how long I have been dealing with this. Now granted it's off and on for me at least. I'll pick myself up by my bootstraps for a bit and then the calmest breeze will push me over for another 6 months. I wish I didn't have this twisted Fantasy of wanting some pretty girl to fix me . Maybe it's cause my mom was the person that was there for me as a kid and that in just a artsy sad boy but it's so self destructive and just not helpful. I'm trying everything I really am. I'm working out as much as I can I've been trying to talk to people and date around but idk I just feel bad. I'm sure you guys understand.",-0.9846,negative,lonely 1847,depressed,Why do I even feel bad (rant),listener_1,2,Somewhere in the world someone just blew their brains out because they felt so bad about their life. Somewhere else someone dreams of having that persons life.,-0.4198,negative,jealous 1847,depressed,Why do I even feel bad (rant),speaker,3,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 1848,depressed,obsessed with school but not much else,speaker,1,"hi, i️ feel so dumb writing this. Im a college student at a community college who has a 4.0 and tons of honors blah blah blah. I️ feel so good about my school work. I️ think about school all the time. School work is my life and I️ think it is because I️ really don't have a whole lot of anything else to be happy about. My family is always seemingly distant. Going to a CC is hard, because there is not much social interaction. I️ have never had a boyfriend. I️ am still a virgin. Today is Easter and I️ am alone. I️ haven't left my house all day. I️ dont even really think i️ have a question for this thread. I️ guess I️ just wanted to know if anyone else felt like this sometimes or if things got better.",0.8074,positive,confident 1848,depressed,obsessed with school but not much else,listener_1,2,whats your career path?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1848,depressed,obsessed with school but not much else,speaker,3,"well after i️ transfer to a four-year, i️ want to graduate with a degree in biology (human bio conc) with a minor in psych. med school is the goal. no idea what specialty i️ want to go into yet.",0.128,positive,hopeful 1848,depressed,obsessed with school but not much else,listener_1,4,I mean you want to be some sort of doctor right? do you want to help people like some of the people on this sub?,0.7319,positive,questioning 1848,depressed,obsessed with school but not much else,speaker,5,"if you are asking if i️ want to be a psychiatrist, not necessarily. I️ think abnormal psych is interesting, but i️ would prefer to go into something like EM. I️ have thought about getting my MD and opening a clinic for people with EDs, but that would be my alternative plan.",0.6428,positive,apprehensive 1849,depressed,Why don't I feel happy?,speaker,1,I got what I thought I was depressed for off my chest but I still feel depressed.,-0.765,negative,sad 1849,depressed,Why don't I feel happy?,listener_1,2,Just give it time buddy. Things fade with time and it should only get better. Keep your head high.,0.4404,positive,consoling 1849,depressed,Why don't I feel happy?,speaker,3,Just kidding go kys,0.1027,positive,suggesting 1849,depressed,Why don't I feel happy?,speaker,4,Just kidding kys,0.1027,positive,agreeing 1849,depressed,Why don't I feel happy?,listener_1,5,Oh,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1850,depressed,I don't know really,speaker,1,"I don't know how to explain this but I'm at a road block and I don't know what to in general, I stay up late every night, overthinking and just overall really miserable. I don't get any like achievement or satisfaction out of anything and i'm usually just sad",-0.911,negative,sad 1850,depressed,I don't know really,listener_1,2,You might have the Fear of the unknown and for the most part.... If u are sad(since u don't know what is the cause) find targets.... Like to work 3 days fully and to play Ps4 for a while... Something like that... Set goals for urself... I have been there.... It's just that u fuck up a lot....... Just try to be Strong ... It might feel that u will end up in nowhere but u got to fight.... I make no sense in what I am saying..... But Plz reply to more briefly so that I can help...,-0.0176,neutral,afraid 1850,depressed,I don't know really,speaker,3,"I have a big fear of missing out and maybe a fear of the unknown, I've never really thought about that because I don't like change and a big change has happened lately, me and this girl I was really really good friends with stopped talking and she made me pretty happy and I don't like the thought of me and her not being friends anymore. I don't even think anything I said has anything to do with the fear of the unknown but what ever lol.",0.3548,positive,apprehensive 1850,depressed,I don't know really,speaker,4,"I feel lost, I can do stuff and that'll maybe take my mind off it for a couple hours but it'll always come back to me later",-0.1655,negative,suggesting 1850,depressed,I don't know really,listener_2,5,"Even though you feel lost I hope you take some comfort in knowing there is something that can take your mind off it, even for just a couple hours. When you're feeling good, try making a list of simple things you want to do (for example clean your desk or make a good meal) so you can try to when the day feels darker.",0.9081,positive,hopeful 1851,depressed,Sex is great but,speaker,1," A nice little story of the first time I nutted. It's gonna be pretty short so stick around. It all started in first grade gym class. We had a little course set up and you could go fuck around freely at the end of the lesson. They had some ropes hanging from the ceiling that you could climb or swing on. I was climbing and slipped a little so I grabbed the rope tightly and straightened my legs to press the rope between my thighs. At that point what happened was very confusing to a 7 year old retard. I pissed my pants (witch later turned out to be cum) and slid down the rope mid-orgasm. I told my friend to climb the magic nut-rope, but he didn't believe. I still to this day wonder how my underdeveloped limp penis managed to crank one out.",-0.3284,negative,embarrassed 1851,depressed,Sex is great but,listener_1,2,Do u mind if I share this with my discord server?,-0.128,negative,questioning 1851,depressed,Sex is great but,speaker,3,"Yea sure , not mine in the first place ;p",0.3182,positive,agreeing 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,1,"So I've been super depressed for a while now (recently getting better on my own) and I feel uncomfortable telling most people because; 1: An extended family member attempted suicide and his family (including mine) treats and views him as some sort of baby made of glass who can't even walk up stairs without help. The vast majority of my nuclear and extended family have alienated any sort of capability he has for anything and he can't stand it. They don't see him as a human being anymore, rather a constant *risk* of some kind. I am deathly afraid of this happening to me. And 2: I don't really relate to my ""friends"". They're just people who don't fit anywhere else, like me. So we kinda just group together like societal leftovers or something, but now new groups are forming. Groups that I *also* can't relate to. So my interests are almost always shot down immediately. I opened up to these people about my struggle slightly out of desperation and they beraded me with insults and accusations of (paraphrase)""farming for pity"" and taking advantage of them like some sort of master manipulator. Sometimes even just calling me names (although not everyone did). While they did this they kept telling me I needed help and that I *had* to listen to what they were saying or I'd ""end up dead"". That's the set-up. Recently they started a new group chat for one of the other guys in the group who was struggling with getting over a girl he perceived to be leading him on. Everyone flocked to him and congratulated him for being strong, but when I brought up that I was still struggling and said that I was horrified of being alienated by my family, they called me lazy, saying I ""wasn't taking initiative"" to talk to someone. That made me feel extremely shitty and ashamed of why I'm feeling so depressed all the time; like what I'm going through means nothing and that I'm just lazy or useless. On top of this, I think I'm slowly figuring out why I've been so depressed for so long, which happens to do with my sexuality. Funnily enough a surprising fraction of my ""friend"" group is homophobic. So that doesn't help. My fears of speaking about my suffering became a self-fulfilling prophecy and I wonder. Are friends supposed to be like that? They've always said they have my back but never actually do anything, and in fact, treat me like dirt or the bottom rung of a ladder. I just feel deeply depressed, ashamed, useless, weak, a hindrance, a waste and a detriment to everyone around me. I'm lost and alone with no one around to trust and I can't do anything besides cry. This is me crying for help. I feel like I'm losing my mind and have no idea what anything truly is. Sometimes even my own reflection scares me because I don't always immediately recognize it. I'm 18 btw and not just saying all this to be ""trendy"". I just want this to go away and to be better already; it's so exhausting. I'm not sure if I've even ever had a real relationship",-0.9967,negative,ashamed 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_1,2,"I have had some of the same struggles as you have right now... I'm still not recovered but I'm getting there, I had different struggles with friends then you have. My friends didn't take my depression serious which was really hard for me. Are there people at school with which you can talk? Maybe see a therapist? Stay strong and please don't end it. We need more people who struggled through depression!",0.7441,positive,questioning 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,3,"There's no one else who's not like that who I can speak to. And I know I should talk to someone but like I said in the post, I'm terrified of being alienated by my family",-0.6603,negative,lonely 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,4,"They haven't treated me that way and I'm terrified they will if I open up. Do you think those people are actually friends? I've been told real friends will care for you and have your back like a brother or sister, but I am yet to have anything near that",0.5346,positive,afraid 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_1,5,"We have special people in school which we can talk too which will keep it for themselves and will help you recover and shit. I guess that's just a dutch thing? Go look up one of your favourite teachers if you have any. And is it your whole family as uncle, aunt etc. or just mum and dad and brother/sister whatever?",0.2869,positive,questioning 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_2,6,"I don't know honestly. I know none of my ""friends"" would help me. I mean i drink every night and come into school about 3 hours late a day and they dont seem to care. I just hope ill find someone like me irl.",-0.3318,negative,apprehensive 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,7,I just try to be the best friend I can be but I'm constantly put down and put up with too much,0.5719,positive,caring 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_2,8,Idk i feel like thats our job. I feel like we know the truth so we can achieve great things but its a double edge sword because we lack motivation. I hope you find someone i truly do but i just dont know if people like us are compatible with most people.,0.9485,positive,neutral 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,9,Yeah. The perspective has taught me a lot but I don't know if I can put up with life like this for *that* much longer. University graduation is going to be the big fork in my road I think. To continue or to give up,0.5927,positive,apprehensive 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_2,10,Yeah i feel the same man. I mean im surprised im still alive. Well you can always talk to me man. Do you have a snap. If not i got most things,0.7783,positive,faithful 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,11,I don't really have the need for snap with nobody that wants to actually talk to me. Do you want to just talk on here or?,0.0772,positive,lonely 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_2,12,Yeah thats fine. If you ever get any social i have most because im very fake at school as it is easier to deal with them,0.3415,positive,acknowledging 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,13,Extended family is worse than my nuclear. And we have a guidance counselor here but he doesn't have deep insight or guidance on anything,-0.2617,negative,annoyed 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_1,14,"Ah sucks man, something which helped me decently is listening to hardstyle. This probably doesn't work for everyone but music like that just gets my blood rushing and just makes me forget about my worries. Things like this really helps.",0.5483,positive,content 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,speaker,15,"I stay with them because I have no one else to hang out with and it feels wrong to blow them off, even if they treat me very poorly. Part of my complex I suppose. It's this kind of complex that causes people to stay in abusive relationships",-0.7783,negative,lonely 1852,depressed,I think I realized that I might have no friends...,listener_3,16,"I would recommend you set a personal goal to make one new friend and the goal is not achieved unless the friendship is developing increasing intimacy. Intimacy, as in, the really private stuff you usually keep closeted is safely shared with this person. You're a fast maturing intellectual 18 year old; really unpack all your hangups about what would prevent you from having lunch, say, with different people for a few weeks and with each one you're sorta stealthily interviewing them about their attitudes toward mental health and LGBTq issues. Keep these frienemies for now; keep them on the backburner. Make finding one new friend your life's #1 priority. And think outside the boxes that maybe high school has put your mind in over the years. Unpack why you don't befriend outcasts (they are going to understand what you are going through). Fear of being an outcast yourself is super legit, but ask yourself why you want to be included in, say, text groups that hurt you. Perhaps it's better to hang out with the other outcasts. That's my tip.",0.8706,positive,apprehensive 1853,depressed,Emotions are so confusing,speaker,1,"My emotions are really like a roller coaster...I am usually so down and out, feeling hopeless and worthless... But a few hours ago I finally became happy, which is so rare. Maybe I thought I was happy. Well I just took a random nose dive into another deep depression. I want this to stop. I think of suicide all too often. I know most of this is from not being successful and being held back from success because of my parents... the abuse I went through growing up. BUT IM 28 now... I know I can’t keep using this as an excuse.... but I can’t help it. I’m such a failure. I did this. Right? I’m so ashamed of myself. I’m so scared because I’m not social, I don’t know how to talk to men. I force myself to tell people I don’t want kids, but deep down I’d love to be a mom. But because of my abuse I’m so scared and scarred. I know I’ll die alone whether of age or pulling a trigger. I wish my life could be redone. I’m so tired",-0.9859,negative,sad 1853,depressed,Emotions are so confusing,listener_1,2,"I wish I could just sit under a blanket with you. I ""see"" you here. I wish I could hide you for a little while. Sorry for how weird that sounds. Words are hard.",0.3774,positive,lonely 1853,depressed,Emotions are so confusing,speaker,3,It’s not weird. When I lay in bed I sometimes imagine someone I use to be close with laying down next to me. I imagine a deep conversation between us.,0.1326,positive,nostalgic 1854,depressed,I am lost,speaker,1," Recently, my friend had said something that really got to me, and I don't know why but whenever I look at him all I can hear is the insult. I haven't had much luck keeping prior friend groups and this one I really want to work. It is my second year of high school and it is almost over, two weeks ago my friend told me that nobody enjoys having me around and that the only thing I am good at is annoying people and pissing them off. Ever since I have been really unwell and have not had the right head space to confront him about it. I really enjoy talking to him and all of my other friends, but if he ever does read this I hope it has been sorted out by then. I do not know what to do and I fear I am losing connection with my other friends because of how it is affecting me. I hope that you may be able to give your input in some way. I really hope posting this was the correct decision.",0.9732,positive,annoyed 1854,depressed,I am lost,listener_1,2,Do you think that you annoy everyone and piss them off?,-0.6808,negative,questioning 1854,depressed,I am lost,speaker,3,"I'd like to think that I don't, I try to be nice. If I do annoy and piss them off it's not on purpose.",-0.0772,negative,caring 1854,depressed,I am lost,listener_1,4,"Yeah, what he said was horsecrap, you obviously don't annoy anybody. It might have been a mistake or he's trying to get his way because he knows you will listen, anyway everybody is temporary and they pass eventually so don't spend any time thinking about what they said.",0.2973,positive,agreeing 1855,depressed,aching,speaker,1,"Sometimes I just feel an ache, a pit and sinking in my stomach and burning behind my eyes. &#x200B; I think it is because I have so much to lose, I have so many different lives I could envision and feel so sorrowfully about losing any of them, and eventually all of them. &#x200B; Does anyone else just ache?",-0.9357,negative,sad 1855,depressed,aching,listener_1,2,"I always ache, and sometimes it becomes more intense and painful. But the ache and anger with myself is always there.",-0.9008,negative,sad 1855,depressed,aching,speaker,3,"This so much, so very exactly. It's like the Sylvia poem about rotting fruit perpetually.",0.4144,positive,agreeing 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,1,"\* I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet \* And it really doesn't help one beat their depression................................... I have not had the chance to really have a conversation with another human, no matter how long I search for company I always come back alone. It has been painful being lonely and isolated for this extreme length of time, no one to talk too, just sitting in my room playing games and surfing the web. For a while escapism worked. I could forget about me and my life for long periods. Now it doesn't work anymore.... I have come to the conclusion that it is impossible to find company, and that nobody will ever be interested in talking to me, and nobody will ever like me. I will continue to suffer alone until I die, possibly of a black heart. I don't care anymore, I always relish the idea of finishing this worthless life and finally being a peace.",-0.9687,negative,lonely 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,listener_1,2,"Same here, although not quite as long. Haven't had real friends for ages and it's honestly killing me. Being an awkward person riddled with anxiety and depression I can't offer any advice, merely sympathies. I sincerely hope it gets better for you, no one deserves this.",-0.503,negative,caring 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,3,Thanks man. I hope thinks go well for you too :(,0.6124,positive,encouraging 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,4,volunteering huh? I will think about it. A bit anxious though.,-0.25,negative,apprehensive 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,5,Sadly I am a wee way away from Wisconsin. I am in New Zealand.,-0.4215,negative,sad 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,6,Thank you top hat. It is a nightmare. I don't think I will ever find friends.,0.7506,positive,acknowledging 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,listener_2,7,"Oh man, I'd love to visit the one day. If I ever do, I'll see about saying hi. Hopefully you find someone to hang out with. I'm sure there's plenty of New Zealanders on here that could use a friend as well. If you just want to chat, rant or whatever though, feel free to PM me. I promise not to be judgemental about anything and I'll try to be supportive. If you're interested, I'll explain the philosophy that I've used to work through my own depression, be more social and make friends. Whatever you do, just hang on and know ot gets better. Just know that life is dichotomy. Life and death, sadness and happiness, pleasure and pain, with an entire spectrum in between. You can't have contentment without depression, happiness without sadness, companionship without loneliness... I know it sounds trite, but true nonetheless. Hope you can find a friend. If not, you can at least talk with me. Good luck buddy.",0.9853,positive,caring 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,listener_3,8,probably no need to be anxious. most charities will have someone who serves as volunteer coordinator and usually they are quite ready to make you feel welcome and appreciated... because they want you to keep coming back lol. Good luck!,0.9564,positive,wishing 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,listener_1,9,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,speaker,10,"Hey, do you use discord? - Hideous Retarded Incel Matthew#3702 But how do you know that just because there is an opposing force, like happiness - sadness, that you can ever make it to the other side? What if you were trapped on one side forever? Thank you for the advice.",-0.1999,negative,questioning 1856,depressed,I have not had any friends in my 30 years on this planet,listener_2,11,"I haven't used discord before, but I'll check it ot and give it a try. The reason I wanted to PM is because the philosophy i was talking about is kinda hard tho explain in one go, it took a while for me to get it until I found the right analogy it didn't quite click, so it might take a few tries, so I'll directly try the discord later this afternoon. I personally don't think someone can be trapped. You might feel trapped, but eventually everyone cam break free even if it's just for a brief moment, and at that moment you can grab hold of the ribs and get control. You might get bucked off, but once you get the hang of it I'm sure you'll be on your w way. I gotta do some stuff now, but like I said, I'll tru discord this afternoon around 6pm cst, so I'll be on the lookout for you, i assume that you posted your username above. Talk to you later bud. :)",-0.2918,negative,apprehensive 1857,depressed,"Super depressed, giving up.",speaker,1,"Hey guys, let’s just start off with I’m married to amazing girl who I adore more than anything else in the world, but i feel all I have been doing is holding her back and dragging her down into this slimy hole I’ve dug for myself but anyway so lately ( the last year or two) haven’t really been working out the best for me mentally, I’ve been a serious smoker of cannabis since I was 12 ( I’m 24 now) and taken countless amounts of acid, ket, mushrooms, mdma, coke basically anything to numb this shit, not to mention copious amounts of alcohol and a few thousand nangs, I realise these substances take their toll on you body and mind, but that isn’t what’s causing my depression more so just a way to cope, so anyways I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m basically a walking waste of space and air, I have fucked up in countless occasions, I’ve stolen from my own family. I’ve destroyed people families (sleeping with girlfriends and their mothers at the same time) I’ve alienated the majority of my relations with girls with emotional manipulation and just general horribleness, I’ve had (no joke) over 200 jobs in the last 2-3 years, I find it very difficult to connect with people and stay in contact with them, usually if I manage to do so it’s though a general love of narcotics, I’ve stolen things off friends that mean absolutely everything me (the friends I mean not the objects stolen) I have extreme anxiety and depression to the point that I just don’t interact with people and while I’m being honest 99% of the people in the world I fucking abhor. I’ve been accused of molesting a child when I was 14 (though I would never do anything like that, I may be completely fucking putrid as a human but I would never do such a thing) and basically I’m at the point where I’m ready to say goodbye. I don’t see a point in living if all I’m going to do is drag people down and continue to hurt myself and others. I’m not really asking for any advice or anything, I just needed to vent all of this before I go and have one last hoorah so to say but thanks for reading through my thoughts, I really appreciate being able to express how I feel completely without being judged. So thank you I’ll see you in the next life ladies and gentleman, probably as a toilet brush but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️ could come back as Donald trumps toilet paper hahaha peace out guys 😍",-0.932,negative,ashamed 1857,depressed,"Super depressed, giving up.",listener_1,2,farewell OP hope you find peace,0.7506,positive,consoling 1857,depressed,"Super depressed, giving up.",speaker,3,I’m not quite sure I understand the last part?,-0.2912,negative,questioning 1857,depressed,"Super depressed, giving up.",listener_2,4,I would just be as useful as possible for the sake of the marriage and it might carry you through to better days.,0.7003,positive,encouraging 1857,depressed,"Super depressed, giving up.",listener_3,5,So what?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1858,depressed,Struggling,speaker,1,"I feel that my life has shattered in just the past few days. I found out I’m probably being used by a girl that I adored immensely and it’s crushing. Being single for 3 years thinking you won’t find the one but then she came into my life. We spent so much time together I thought my life was finally looking up, but I guess not. I’m also starting to stop smoking so going through some withdrawals where I feel I need to smoke again to forget about the girl but I smoked with her. I don’t know what to do anymore I just want to do nothing. Any tips on how to get over this would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.",0.6068,positive,devastated 1858,depressed,Struggling,listener_1,2,"Been going through something very similar man, sent you a message if you wanna talk!",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1858,depressed,Struggling,speaker,3,"I got a dating app on my phone hoping that it goes well, and you’re right, time does heal. It may take a couple months or that’s how it feels like it’s going to be, but it was toxic you’re right. Thank you, I truly appreciate it.",0.9306,positive,agreeing 1859,depressed,Despite best intentions and motives,speaker,1,"I seem to be letting everyone down. Sweet, loving, silly, cheerful daughter wouldn't even say goodbye to me today. I'd love to be the one to pick her up from school (typically my partner does) but she'll just look for and want him. She laughs and smiles and squeals the biggest when he is there. She relies on me and trusts me... I am valued for what I can do for her, not who I can be to her. Give, give. Partner expects more from me and I can only give it by not taking care of myself. So I try. But there is still work. So his 'rest' time at the end of the day is my work time. Made a mistake at work that caused someone else embarrassment. I don't think there's anything worse than that. But then I think I have to go home to the loves of my life and have them be disappointed in me. Today is the heaviest boots I've worn for a while.",0.8692,positive,disappointed 1859,depressed,Despite best intentions and motives,listener_1,2,Stop being hard on yourself. Stop it! Quit it! Don't go there take a hard right turn to 1) i am loved 2) I am doing the best I can 3) everything is going to work out for me 4) I work with kind loving understanding people who accept me as I am 5) I am deciding to accept myself as I am. This is for you and me. Keep moving forward. Looking forward.,0.9515,positive,hopeful 1859,depressed,Despite best intentions and motives,speaker,3,"Thank you. This spirited 'tough love' got me through the rest of my day. I've survived, and that has to be a win. Looking forward. Tomorrow is a new day ❤️",0.9393,positive,grateful 1859,depressed,Despite best intentions and motives,speaker,4,"It's a battle of the lies, for sure. I appreciate you. And you're right - reminding myself what crap I am hasn't helped yet, so if I want a different outcome I've got to engage in different practice. I feel like I got my foot caught in a storm drain earlier - this community helped me get un-stuck today. Really grateful you all are here.",0.6962,positive,grateful 1860,depressed,Ugh,speaker,1,My mom just called me lazy but in reality I have to go to school for 8 hours 5 days a week. She stays home all day so idk what she's talking about. Plus I have to endure bullying and all that so...,-0.8555,negative,annoyed 1860,depressed,Ugh,listener_1,2,That sounds rough. If you need someone to talk to I wouldn't mind being that one. I hope I can help you or maybe make you feel better.,0.8176,positive,suggesting 1860,depressed,Ugh,speaker,3,"I am definitely feeling better knowing that someone cares, but I will be sure to contact you if I need to rant or talk. 😀",0.7992,positive,trusting 1860,depressed,Ugh,listener_1,4,Ofc. You don't have to go through this alone. Do talk to me whenever you feel like it.,0.0644,positive,neutral 1861,depressed,"Ah, welcome back, Big Sad.",speaker,1,Lately I've been doing great. Until it just went to shit again.,0.128,positive,disappointed 1861,depressed,"Ah, welcome back, Big Sad.",listener_1,2,"The big sad always comes around, just gotta manage it as best as you can OP.",0.2732,positive,neutral 1861,depressed,"Ah, welcome back, Big Sad.",speaker,3,"I get it, man. Good luck and thanks a lot.",0.8316,positive,wishing 1861,depressed,"Ah, welcome back, Big Sad.",speaker,4,"I hope it does, man",0.4404,positive,encouraging 1862,depressed,anyone there?,speaker,1,i need a friend. I need someone talk to. Is there anyone? help :(,0.4588,positive,questioning 1862,depressed,anyone there?,listener_1,2,What's up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1862,depressed,anyone there?,speaker,3,hi,0.0,neutral,wishing 1863,depressed,Ordinary like everyone else,speaker,1,"I’m tired... my mom died 14 years ago, almost half my life... I have so much other shit going on I can’t take it anymore, I don’t know how to continue... I have people on my life who actually care about me, but no one that I can tell how I really feel without being put in a suicide watch... my body is broken, my mind is tired, and I have no spirit... I have a son and he is the only reason I’m still here, but I struggle to continue despite how much I love him... what’s wrong with me? What kind of piece of shit human being am I?",-0.9812,negative,sad 1863,depressed,Ordinary like everyone else,listener_1,2,feelings dont make you shitty friendo,0.4449,positive,sad 1863,depressed,Ordinary like everyone else,speaker,3,"That’s not how I feel... Every one says when you have kids it will change you, I have a five year old who will be six soon... he is my world and there is nothing I love more than him... but no matter what I feel for him it doesn’t erase all of my hopeless feelings, if anything he is the only reason that I’m still here...",-0.7427,negative,sentimental 1863,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,1,"All of my misery, pain, and heartache is my own fault. I refused to get help for my issues and hurt the person I love emotionally very badly. It's been more than 5 months since it all happened but the guilt and regret still gnaw at me. She loved me more than anyone and I took her for granted and thought she would always be there no matter how bad I got. That obviously wasn't true and I'm glad it wasn't because she did not deserve to be treated badly. Me and her are friends now, and she's the most amazing friend I could ask for and we've been there for each other recently through some tough things. Today she told me she always wishes we would have met at a different time and place and that there would always be a special place in her heart for me. I wish we would have too. I wish I would have gotten help before I got so volatile. I wish I wouldn't have taken her for granted. I wish I could tell her I love her. This is the most pain I've ever been in and I don't know how to handle it. Everything is my fault. I basically broke my own fucking heart by being a broken asshole. I hate myself so fucking bad. It's hard to live with the fact that I hurt the woman I thought I would be with forever and it hurts even more to still love her as much as I did a year ago when things were good while she's drifted apart. I wish I had a time machine.",0.9755,positive,guilty 1863,depressed,I hate myself,listener_1,2,I mean technically a clock is a time machine,0.0,neutral,neutral 1863,depressed,I hate myself,listener_3,3,and technically you are a dick !,-0.5562,negative,agreeing 1863,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,4,Thank you so much for the nice comment. It means a lot and I appreciate it so much.,0.7906,positive,wishing 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_4,1,Is there any advice or can anyone show me a reason to smile or show some kind of good emotion.,0.6258,positive,questioning 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_5,2,"Do you enjoy anime? If so, season 3 part 2 of shingeki no kyojin is coming in a few hours",0.25,positive,questioning 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_4,3,No I've never watched anime. I'm not really that interested in it either,-0.5667,negative,afraid 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_4,4,And why do you need me?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_4,5,My house is freezing all the time and my family doesn't take me seriously and I don't really like my life either. I'm far from healthy with 150 calories daily.,0.1258,positive,ashamed 1863,depressed,Advice,listener_6,6,Well if you want to talk and let it all out you can send me a message,0.34,positive,questioning 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,speaker,1,"I don't want to kill myself, but every day I hope I will die. I'm in an endless rut of wanting out of my life. I can't get out of my head, or even my house for that matter. Every day is the exact same as the last. I try to talk to people about how I feel and I try to understand it better but nothing ever comes of it. I don't know where to go from here. I just want to die. But I don't want to to kill myself. I have a loving boyfriend and a beautiful little daughter, both I would never want to hurt. So instead I'm just hurting myself , by trying to stay alive. I'm so lost I'm so tired",-0.4259,negative,sad 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_1,2,I relate :/ sending you good thoughts. We will make it through,0.128,positive,wishing 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,speaker,3,Thank you so God damn much. My daughter is everything to me and I would never want to hurt her in any way. I don't have a relationship with my mom so it's hard for me to truly look from my daughter's perspective. I'll try to be more mindful of what we would miss out on with each other if I was gone.,0.6237,positive,caring 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_2,4,Believe me buddy depressed people don't care too much about them selves. I was depressed some time some were short term and some long term and I don't remember any thing about caring for myself. So what I am saying the idea that depressed people care for themselves is not going to work. If you said to me to care of myself when I am depressed i will get more depressed. One of main reason we get depressed is very few people understand us. You will understand if you have experienced depression and thought deep about it. I only using this this comment so that you understand me and other people who have depression or had depression.,-0.9756,negative,sad 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_2,5,Thank you for understanding 😊,0.8176,positive,sympathizing 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_3,6,I'm the mod of this subreddit. I've had depression my entire life. I study it in depth. I write resource manuals. I know what I'm talking about.,-0.5719,negative,confident 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_2,7,So why did you made this subreddit was it for saving lives like these?,0.3612,positive,questioning 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_2,8,What! You have been depressed for your whole life! How old are you?,-0.5972,negative,questioning 1864,depressed,I want to accidently die,listener_3,9,You find other people's suffering funny? I'm far older than you. You are no longer welcome here if that is your reaction.,-0.5967,negative,annoyed 1865,depressed,Discord,speaker,1,Does anyone have a or know of a discord where people can go to when they are feeling depressed just to talk?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 1865,depressed,Discord,listener_1,2,I don’t know of any but if you need someone to talk to you can pm me,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1865,depressed,Discord,speaker,3,Thank you💕,0.7783,positive,grateful 1865,depressed,Discord,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1866,depressed,I wanna die (trigger warning),speaker,1,I’m depressed and I don’t know why These suicidal thoughts keep me up at night I don’t want to be in this world The cuts only help the pain a little I just wanna die No one loves me Please just end my suffering I don’t feel like trying anymore I don’t wanna fake being happy anymore I just want to end it all Don’t know how Don’t know why I just know I want it to happen soon,-0.9477,negative,sad 1866,depressed,I wanna die (trigger warning),listener_1,2,So many of us can relate. Please make an appointment with a psychiatrist and a therapist so you don't have to continue feeling like this and can live a life that doesn't take effort just to breathe.,0.6486,positive,agreeing 1866,depressed,I wanna die (trigger warning),listener_2,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,speaker,1,"My mind keep telling me to make decisions that I know are self-destructive. I get angry at people so easy, and even if I’m in the right, I feel awful about it for weeks, sometimes months if I have to see that person daily. I hate what I’ve become. I’m lazy, all I want to do is lay around and be sad, I have no motivation to improve or even try to help myself. I’m strongly thinking of leaving my girlfriend. She highly expects me to help her when she’s depressed and suicidal, but closes off when I need her to help me. What do I do? I guess random people can’t answer that. Guess I’m fucked.",-0.8607,negative,ashamed 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,listener_1,2,"Tell your friend that you need time and space to get yourself together, because you may hurt her since you need help too. Try and set small goals for yourself, start off small like for example:clean up, read a book, work out etc. Its not much but it really helps being more productive.",0.7461,positive,suggesting 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,speaker,3,"I highly agree with this, but I know I won’t do that. My girlfriend needs me as much as I need her, and I couldn’t go even a day without her. Pretty awful to read, I’m sure. But not for me. And I just feel it’s worthless. The things I want, I can’t have, and cleaning up or working out won’t help. It’s too late for me to live the life I wanted, and I know the story is the same for everyone. “Tough luck” is what I’m told a lot. And it is. Everyone goes through it, I’m just a pussy who can’t.",0.5824,positive,agreeing 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,listener_1,4,"Try and find a counselor or psychiatrist that can properly help you and your girlfriend, I'm sure you two love each other dearly. And this is the best for the both of you, since (hopefully) you two can overcome this challenge together with proper treatment and you two can be okay again",0.9646,positive,consoling 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,speaker,5,"Thank you so much for helping! I’ve seen some therapists but haven’t made headway, I talked to my girlfriend about a psychiatrist and she strongly agrees, so hopefully I’ll be fine in the long run. Odds are, I’ll turn out alright, I’ve just got to make the decision to get better.",0.9593,positive,grateful 1867,depressed,Self-Destructive Sadness,listener_1,6,Best luck to u and your girlfriend,0.802,positive,wishing 1868,depressed,"Confused Teen, What’s new?",speaker,1,"Hello people. I have these panic attacks frequently and get triggered but have to smile because no one knows how hurt I am inside. I honestly don’t know why I am so depressed but it is scary when I’m alone. There thoughts appear in my head and consume me making me want to do stuff that is harmful. I haven’t though because I don’t want people asking questions and worrying about my happiness. I’m one of those people that want to make others happy but isn’t themselves. Anyways, I’m struggling with my bf atm. He has gotten closer to this girl who I hate and I’ve seen some texts that are a bit sus and I’ve expressed how uncomfortable it makes me and they apparently hang out and yeah. They’ll be going to the same college next year while I stay here (I’m a junior). I don’t know what to do. People have told me to trust him and I do. I just don’t trust her. Please help because my thoughts will consume me and I don’t want something to happen that I’d regret. I cry too much about this and he knows but still hasn’t fixed it.",-0.8427,negative,afraid 1868,depressed,"Confused Teen, What’s new?",listener_1,2,Do you know why you hate the girl or why the girl is bad? I need the information to help you. And about depression do anybody understands your feelings?,-0.8611,negative,questioning 1868,depressed,"Confused Teen, What’s new?",speaker,3,"She’s talked poorly about me behind my back and to my face. When I first started dating my bf, she spread rumors abt how I’m a prude and that he should just dump me. We also were on the soccer team together and she would constantly disrespect everyone including the coach and myself. I don’t quite understand your second question also sorry I rarely go on reddit which is why I am so late to reply:/",-0.6908,negative,sympathizing 1868,depressed,"Confused Teen, What’s new?",speaker,4,Thank you so much. (Sorry for the late reply. I don’t use this app v often),0.2315,positive,sympathizing 1868,depressed,"Confused Teen, What’s new?",listener_1,5,You should not mind her. I know it's very hard. If you want to avoid her then don't talk to her. Only ever talk to her if it's very important. But if you are trying to make her your friend I don't think it would work. In my life I have never seen a person like her becoming my friend. Anyway I don't think a person like her has any worth. Her words are worthless. And I am Sorry for your sufferings😔,0.9239,positive,sympathizing 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,speaker,1,"I just read online that reckless behavior is a symptom of depression. Holy shit that explains so much. When I turned 20 (21 now) I entered a severe depressive episode (that im still in). I started driving extremely recklessly, wouldn't wear a seatbelt. Another is trying to get as drunk as possible, trying new drugs such as ecstacy. Also a recent thing ive started doing is going on spending sprees with my moms credit card. Have racked up hundreds of dollars in the past 2 months. Honestly doing thigns like this just makes me feel alive, because usually I feel so dead and empty I need something exciting.",-0.7879,negative,guilty 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_1,2,Hears are some cheap or even free ways. 1. Hear sad music 2. Find your self a girlfriend make sure it's a (SEXY) one if not then find a (Legal Loli). 3. Chat or talk about your favourite things for me my favourite thing is anime. 4. Try walking. 5. Find new hobby's and go to new places or even run out of home if you have extreme situation go to a place you have never been. It will make you feel refreshed. But come back home or you are dead. Note: when running out from home try to walk do not drive or use vehicle. And eating too many Sweet's or fast food will leave you with ugly teeth and more and you won't get any (SEXY) or (Legal Loli) girlfriend.,-0.9163,negative,afraid 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_2,3,what do you mean legal loli lmao,0.6597,positive,questioning 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_1,4,Just a joke to make him feel motivated. Search on Google and you will find the meaning.,0.6369,positive,confident 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_2,5,I know what a loli is but what do you mean by a legal loli gf,0.1901,positive,agreeing 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_1,6,Legal Loki means she is 18 or more but looks like she is 12.,0.5988,positive,surprised 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_2,7,I like how you edited your comment to frame me as the weird one,0.2023,positive,annoyed 1869,depressed,Reckless Behavior,listener_1,8,I just wanted to cheer you up. Sorry if I hurt your feelings 😔,-0.0258,neutral,sympathizing 1870,depressed,I feel done.,speaker,1,"So, I've been a long-time sufferer of depression. It started when I was about ten, I'm almost thirty now. My boyfriend just broke up with me so I am heart broken. But I'm not freaking out like I used to. I remember the panic attacks and being trapped in bed while the voices of self-doubt and hatred scream in my ear. Its not like that this time. I just feel empty. Like I've run out of energy. I look back and these past few years and I've had a good run. I'm jobless, I've never been able to hold down a job. I stress out. Now that my boyfriend ended our relationship, I have to move back in with my mother. Not looking forward to that. She'll lose her ""closet room"" which makes me feel bad. I mean, I know she'd rather lose her closet room than her child. But they also keep tight security with alarms and cameras which I hate. I lost one of my cats in that house. I have no desires. I don't want a career. I hate working. I have no health insurance so I can't afford a doctor or medication. So, the only way to get it is to ask my mom for money which she doesn't have. And for what? To live a life I'm not grateful for? The only future I can reasonably see for myself is that I work a minimum wage job for the rest of my life. I have no savings. Being suicidal means I've never put any resources towards a future. I've tried college, I fail out every time. Again, I have no aspirations. I don't want any job to be honest. I don't care for the world I live in. Racists, homophobes and certain rich people who won't view the lower class as human beings. I just feel done. Not alone or unloved. I know I'm surrounded by people who want to see me ""get better"" even though its a mental disease I'll have forever. Just the thought of that is exhausting. I have to live a life I don't want fighting the whole time to want to live the life I'm predisposed to not want? Its madness to me. This isn't some dark moment in my life that has my emotions riled up. I've had those. I've felt this way for a while. It gets me laughing at myself thinking, ""what are you waiting for?"" Am I missing something?",-0.996,negative,lonely 1870,depressed,I feel done.,listener_1,2,"I feel like this quite a bit. It’s so tiring trying to find the will to live, that all the things involved in living (everyday things) are exhausting and more like a chore. But hang in there and try to get help, if you can. Know that you’re not alone. There’s a bunch of us out there trudging along without really knowing why. I can’t promise it will get better, but it just might. I’m pulling for you.",0.924,positive,faithful 1870,depressed,I feel done.,speaker,3,Thanks. I hope you start to feel better as well.,0.8689,positive,consoling 1870,depressed,I feel done.,speaker,4,"If you have medical insurance or some form of income, the right anti-depressants should help considerably. That and therapy. If you have any way of affording it, definitely try it out.",0.6597,positive,agreeing 1871,depressed,"Depressed, Lost, Confused",speaker,1,Anyone feel like this ? Im 27,0.3612,positive,questioning 1871,depressed,"Depressed, Lost, Confused",listener_1,2,Yes. Yes. And yes.,0.7964,positive,agreeing 1871,depressed,"Depressed, Lost, Confused",speaker,3,can i private message you,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1871,depressed,"Depressed, Lost, Confused",speaker,4,hugs,0.4939,positive,wishing 1871,depressed,"Depressed, Lost, Confused",listener_1,5,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 1872,depressed,Anyone here? Have insecurities,speaker,1,That if someone brings them up you you go into a depression ? As weird and weak as it sounds i have them,-0.8074,negative,questioning 1872,depressed,Anyone here? Have insecurities,listener_1,2,It’s not weird or weak. I have them too.,0.4449,positive,agreeing 1872,depressed,Anyone here? Have insecurities,speaker,3,can i pm you,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1873,depressed,My life is going extremely downhill and I don't know what to do,speaker,1,"I lost my best friend, boyfriend and two other friends to my mental illness. My beloved uncle died and I don't know how to help my cousins. My dad also has bipolar disorder and we fight a lot. All of this is taking a big toll on my sanity, and I don't know how to cope. I'm resorting to unhealthy mechanisms such as smoking and drinking, but it only goes so far. I think about suicide a lot - when I'm in class, when I'm hanging out with my friends, or when I'm all alone in my room. I don't know what force compels me to not just do it, but it's really working wonders.",-0.6705,negative,sad 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,speaker,1,"The songs sad but it gives me hope in a way. If you haven’t listened to it give it a listen. I feel depressed every day and recently it’s gotten much worse. I’ve thought about ending it all, but no matter what I’m going through, life still sounds better than death even though I’m crying myself to sleep every night. It’s hard living like this. It’s hardly living at all. But we gotta keep trucking on. Message me if you want someone to talk to, I need someone to talk to as well. The worlds treating us badly. Hopefully things turn around for us all soon.",-0.8559,negative,sentimental 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,listener_1,2,I listen to it all day.. can agree.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,speaker,3,"Go on the persona 5 soundtrack and look up beneath the mask, Alleycat, Confession/secret, sweet. Good sad songs.",0.4215,positive,sad 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,listener_2,4,So you are an anime fan. Do you like drama. I do.,0.5859,positive,questioning 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,speaker,5,Not really haha just mainly the fighting anime’s.,-0.6366,negative,neutral 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,listener_2,6,"If you have time watch angel beats! It has action, adventure, drama, comedy and many more. It's one of the best stories I have ever seen. Highly recommended.",0.8856,positive,impressed 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,listener_2,7,I am hearing persona 5 ost 29 very relaxing. Did you watch attack on titan season 3 part 2 Episode 1?,0.101,positive,impressed 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,speaker,8,I’ll put Angel Beats on my list! I watched the first season of AoT but have never watched the others I should rewatch it all at some point.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1874,depressed,1-800-273-8255 amazing song,listener_2,9,I like the ideas and plans the characters make and the plot twist.,0.3612,positive,impressed 1875,depressed,This day,speaker,1,I have struggled so much today and it fucking sucks. Just want to leave my bullshit work today and go home to go to bed. Weed can somewhat temporarily numb me but in the morning I’m usually dealing with depression again. I’m struggling with my demons today people.,-0.934,negative,sad 1875,depressed,This day,listener_1,2,"How are you doing today, man? I hope a lot better.",0.7003,positive,consoling 1875,depressed,This day,speaker,3,Maybe a little better. I don’t have that job anymore. Kind of glad for that but my morning was kind of mess of anger and sadness. While doing a job search. I might sleep in tomorrow or sleep more during the day. Thanks for asking.,-0.7954,negative,suggesting 1875,depressed,This day,listener_1,4,"Good luck man. if you ever need to chat, I'm up for it. Saw you post on r/SquaredCircle and wanted to see where you were. I'm up in Colorado, but still up for talking if you ever need.",0.4497,positive,wishing 1875,depressed,This day,speaker,5,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 1876,depressed,Wish I could end it,speaker,1,I have nothing. No one in my life who actually gives a shit. If they seem like they care its self interest.... i dont even fucking care anymore.... i just wanna be dead im so sick of being a pointless person. I try so fucking hard and for what... just to feel the same way if not worse at the end of the day.... im done... im gonna cut and stop caring maybe ill cut too deep and it will be over.... have a nice whatever guys,-0.7482,negative,angry 1876,depressed,Wish I could end it,listener_1,2,3 hours later: any change in mood?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1876,depressed,Wish I could end it,listener_1,3,"A well known strategy for getting out of our own heads is helping someone else or atleast listening. I clean my living space, and eventually the mental noise fades in volume.",0.7184,positive,annoyed 1877,depressed,aedfionjio[ef,speaker,1,"i think the worst thing about being borderline suicidal is i realize everyone else must be going through the same thoughts as me. we all are basically the same, more or less I guess. and here I am being more affected by it all than I see other people being affected by it. i dont know. ive been in bad places in my mind before. I can get out of them. but then i get back in. and then back out. It doesnt end. and the extremes are getting worse as i get older. i can manage right now just fine, but the pattern is there and im afraid I guess. i try to be a good person...literally every morning i wake up and take a shower and in that shower i tell myself that my shitty negative personality has been washed away and im going to go be positive and friendly the rest of the day...but i fail so fuckin frequently i have to assume that im fundamentally not a good person. and thats possibility. fuck you if you think i might not be bad person. I very well might be.",-0.9312,negative,jealous 1877,depressed,aedfionjio[ef,listener_1,2,"I don’t know your full story man. I don’t what you’ve been through, or how rough it’s been. But here’s what I do know. No matter how bad things get, and I know they can get bad, there always an up. People say things can’t get any worse, ones you’ve hit rock bottom there’s no where else go go but personally, I think that’s some real shitty advice. Because then people only expect better. I can’t promise you things can’t get any worse. But I can promise you among all this there’s a better. If you ever need to just talk to someone anonymously and just vent, or whatever it need be, please know there a subreddit full of amazing people who’d love to help, and I’d be more than willing to help someone else out who’s going through a rough time. Know you’re not alone, even when you think you are completely. People will always still care",0.9377,positive,trusting 1877,depressed,aedfionjio[ef,speaker,3,"thank you, i really appreciate it",0.6697,positive,acknowledging 1877,depressed,aedfionjio[ef,speaker,4,"thanks man, I really do appreciate it.",0.7076,positive,acknowledging 1878,depressed,If youre depressed read this,speaker,1,"Look, we all have our valleys in life. For me, that was the beginning of my childhood. I was fat, stupid as a rock, my family was poor and I was a socially awkward kid. Everyone thought that I was at the bottom of the sociological pyramid of our society and so therefore, I should be treated as something less human. A game. They brought switchblades when I was in 2nd grade to the bus stop and we played tag except if they got me I was gonna legitimately get stabbed. My biological father was abusive, spanked my ass when I was three because he didn't want to feed me and then threw me against the wall of his apartment because I couldn't stop crying, he broke a rib. My mom was struggling because she was only a teen turning into a young adult and my brother wanted nothing to do with me because he was still trying to find his own identity. We eventually moved to a small town for the summer during my rebellious phase and I was grounded to my room for the whole summer where I made a vow that nobody could put me down like that ever again. I moved to another town in 7th grade where I currently reside in (right now im 17), I got into understanding quantum physics while my friends had trouble with integers, became the leanest kid in my class and I didn't make any friends until 8th grade because I was afraid that I was gonna get bullied again. By 9th grade after being called a faggot a few times I started weight lifting and my interest in investing and starting a business sparked. Now instead of them looking down im still getting messages of people back in my hometown who are sorry for what they did, but that does not stop me for being an advocate for depression and bullying because I know what its like to feel empty inside, like nobody cares who you are and what you do and how you get treated worse than dirt. If you would like to talk HMU, I am here for you. I always will be. Snap: Adrian.merlino Instagram: merlin7.19",-0.958,negative,annoyed 1878,depressed,If youre depressed read this,listener_1,2,i hope it gets better and better for you. i wish i get better to,0.9231,positive,consoling 1878,depressed,If youre depressed read this,speaker,3,"I'm fine where I am now but this post wasn't for me it was for you, keep on fighting. I'm supporting you and if you would want to talk you can always contact me.",0.3506,positive,content 1878,depressed,If youre depressed read this,listener_2,4,I don't mean to offend u tho,0.2235,positive,sympathizing 1879,depressed,Today’s my birthday and I’m feeling worse than I have in months.,speaker,1,Tw self harm I just wish I could break this cycle. My stress is taking a physical toll on me. It’s straining my marriage. Its making me have zero impulse control. I almost cut this morning before work. Fuck. It’s making me walk down a dark path I thought I’d left behind. Guess no one ever really gets better huh.,-0.8492,negative,sad 1879,depressed,Today’s my birthday and I’m feeling worse than I have in months.,listener_1,2,"You talk about ""breaking a cycle"" and that tells me you are aware of general ups and downs in life; from there, you should expect to ""get better"". Yeah, depressive symptoms are permanent for me, but I still know that ""cycles"" will revolve my way.",0.1901,positive,hopeful 1879,depressed,Today’s my birthday and I’m feeling worse than I have in months.,listener_2,3,"and the fact that birthdays are the worst because when you were younger you only think about cakes and party but as you get older, you will have more problems and everything that makes you happy in your birthday when you were younger will all disappear and the thing you'll only get is a simple ""happy birthday"" line sometimes none. nothing will stay forever tho.",0.62,positive,sad 1880,depressed,i don’t know,speaker,1,"i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m so so depressed. i feel like i don’t have anyone. i don’t really have friends or any close ones. i have a bf but i can’t talk to him about what’s going on because i’ve done it so much. i don’t want to drain him. i feel like that’s all i do. i’m constantly sad and it brings up a lot of tension in our relationship. i don’t know what to do. i don’t think it would be much of a difference for anyone in my life if i killed myself. i don’t talk to anyone for it to be. i don’t have the courage to kill myself though. i think i’ll just be in this constant alone suffering. i just wish i had someone there for me without feeling like such a burden. i’m going to start therapy but i don’t know how that’ll go. i’ve been before and i couldn’t really say how i feel. i guess i just want advice. no i’m not suicidal i am safe. i just have no hope. i’ve been dealing with this for years. i don’t think i’ve ever been truly loved by another person, idk",-0.8764,negative,lonely 1880,depressed,i don’t know,listener_1,2,I'm here 4 ya,0.0,neutral,joyful 1880,depressed,i don’t know,speaker,3,"i guess not, not really for sure on any religion. i feel like my boyfriend is probably going to leave me because of my constant sadness. it’s draining you know? that’ll probably make me feel more alone but i understand it. maybe we could talk about things but don’t want to push it on you. thank you",0.2891,positive,suggesting 1880,depressed,i don’t know,listener_2,4,"I wouldn’t mind talking, though I’ll say it right now, I am a nice guy, but an asshole.",0.2263,positive,annoyed 1880,depressed,i don’t know,speaker,5,"thank you, that made me tear up",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1880,depressed,i don’t know,listener_3,6,Your welcome I know the struggles and if not for my friends and family I would most likely be dead right now. Feel better my friend,-0.1325,negative,grateful 1881,depressed,"netflix, the great time waster (grateful for noticing bad habits) - Day 122",speaker,1,"This is part of my 365 days of gratitude to work through my depression and the spiral into suicide attempts over the last two years. [Netflix and depression](https://youtu.be/PC6BUsokXjE) Last night I got five hours of sleep. today I am grateful for noticing bad habits I overloaded myself with both work and two video's to edit yesterday. When I got home and finished editing a video at about 11 o'clock, I continued to watch TV until 1 am. today, I've had five hours of sleep, and this is not good for me because tonight will also be a late night. today I'm grateful for noticing a lousy habit and thinking about what I can do to rectify it. What are you grateful for?",-0.7435,negative,grateful 1881,depressed,"netflix, the great time waster (grateful for noticing bad habits) - Day 122",listener_1,2,"That's a good way of thinking- first step to getting some relief is realizing that there's an issue in the first place. &#x200B; I'm grateful that despite the crushing bills and stress lately, at least I have my husband with me and we're working on it together, not blaming each other for shares of the debt/bills.",0.903,positive,grateful 1881,depressed,"netflix, the great time waster (grateful for noticing bad habits) - Day 122",speaker,3,Lovely gratitude,0.7964,positive,grateful 1882,depressed,Sectioned,speaker,1,"Not sure what's happening. It's the NHS, you hear zip from them. But I do know that they're looking for a bed, and it might be a while until I come home. I'm tempted to do a runner, but resistance is useless. Whatever. I just hope I don't wake up ever again.",-0.0852,negative,apprehensive 1882,depressed,Sectioned,listener_1,2,Keep updating if it helps.,0.3818,positive,encouraging 1882,depressed,Sectioned,speaker,3,"There's a bed. In Birmingham. I live in London. Wish me luck gamers, I'm going on a holiday to Birmingham. Fuck me.",0.5994,positive,jealous 1882,depressed,Sectioned,speaker,4,Sighphod said. It's unsafe for me to go home because I'm a danger to myself. At least I'm going to get help.,-0.1779,negative,apprehensive 1882,depressed,Sectioned,listener_1,5,Sectioned is a term for intake in the NHS (UK health care system). Might be involuntarily.,0.4939,positive,apprehensive 1882,depressed,Sectioned,listener_2,6,"Oh that’s rough I’ve had the US version of that happen once wasn’t a great time, good luck and try to stay safe.",0.9169,positive,wishing 1882,depressed,Sectioned,listener_1,7,For how long?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1882,depressed,Sectioned,speaker,8,Months probably.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1883,depressed,Losing my Relationship of 10 Years,speaker,1,"I am super depressed and having a really hard time. My wife of 7 years (in a relationship for 10) told me a few days ago that she wanted a divorce. Things have been hard for us. I just finished grad school, she is a stay at home mom of our two kids, and we have had big ups and downs. I just feel hopeless and worthlesss. So worthless. It is my fault that things are ending and I have a strong feeling that she is seeing someone else already. She wants to live together while she finds a job and gets on her feet and I am more than happy to help. I love her. But I just have been all over the place. Momentary thoughts of death, worrying about my kids, and feeling walked all over. How do I get over this? I am just so scared. I need to be here for my kids but damn this is hard. I just don't know how to shut it off.",-0.9441,negative,devastated 1883,depressed,Losing my Relationship of 10 Years,listener_1,2,"Let me tell you, as a wife in the same boat.....this is going to suck, and it’s going to be SO hard. But I PROMISE there’s a reason. And when you find your reason, you will be so thankful to find it. Keep strong. I believe in you.",0.9357,positive,faithful 1883,depressed,Losing my Relationship of 10 Years,speaker,3,Luckily I have a good job already lined up!,0.7574,positive,grateful 1883,depressed,Losing my Relationship of 10 Years,speaker,4,Thank you for this ❤️,0.3612,positive,grateful 1883,depressed,Losing my Relationship of 10 Years,speaker,5,Thanks for your encouragement. It's really hard right now because she doesn't have a job or anything so we are going to try and get her on her feet and then settle things. It's just going to be a very difficult process.,0.2991,positive,grateful 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,speaker,1,"20F I’ve had a lot of body image issues over the years being that I used to weigh around 250 and have lost 60 pounds so my self image can become quite wonky at times. I correctly connect my worth and how beautiful I am with how much male attention or sex I’m having. If a guy is interested in my, or more than one, I feel so great about myself, but if that isn’t happening, I feel hideous. I also tend to keep around guys who treat me like shit and use me but I accept it anyway and in the end am frustrated with myself. I know I don’t want relationships where guys could give less of a shit about me, but I guess the sex and validation I feel keeps me going back. I love the person I am and my soul and being but my looks is something so much harder to recognize as beautiful.",0.9327,positive,confident 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,listener_1,2,Keep working on it hun it gets better. Always be yourself and love yourself more than they seem to love you.,0.9062,positive,consoling 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,speaker,3,"Thanks..it’s really something I needed to see someone say. I’ve been thinking a lot about therapy lately with this because I know the people in my life are biased and are going to give me advice that’s not necessarily going to fix the problem because they can’t see it from outside of just making a little mistake. Even my mom who I’m close with doesn’t think it’s a huge deal when I go back to a guy who hasn’t treated me well. It’s definitely more than one thing which is what makes me most upset. If the casual sex relationship I had were ones where I was treated well then it would be different, but it’s not like that. Thanks for letting me reflect",-0.6882,negative,grateful 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,listener_2,4,"You are setting yourself up for a future of being in a relationship where you are daily treated like crap with emotional, and possible physical, abuse. So it is a big deal. As you said, the sex itself is not the issue- it's the reason you are having that sex and the guys you are having it with that is the problem. So remove yourself from the situation as your first step and then begin the process of working on yourself with a therapist. Low self esteem does take time to combat but commit yourself to it to make your future much brighter. Don't give in to the temptation of the quick feelings of validation through sex with a douche. The harm on the rest of your life is far greater than the instant return. You will learn to love yourself and see your beauty, and the more you respect yourself, the more you will learn to only allow those that show you the respect you deserve around you.",0.9641,positive,agreeing 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,listener_3,5,"Preach on that last sentence. There’s not enough room for beauty in your life when it’s cluttered by selfish dudes. If I could offer a recommendation, be your own boyfriend for a year. Treat yourself. Go out to dinner alone, go to movies alone, dress up in super hot makeup for no other reason than it’s Tuesday, learn new stuff you want to do, etc. Like really spend the whole time asking yourself “How can I care for myself? What can I do today to show myself more gratitude?”",0.8677,positive,lonely 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,speaker,6,I didn’t have sex last year for 6 months and it’s so awesome for your personal growth. But damn dude I get so horny. My sex drive is high so it’s rough when I have to do that. I just wish I could balance good guys with myself,0.8303,positive,faithful 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,listener_4,7,"That’s where the therapy comes in, if your the same person 1 year later your going to go after/act the same way",0.0,neutral,neutral 1884,depressed,How do I stop seeking male attention,speaker,8,I knowww. In every other aspect I’m so different which is I guess why I’m still weak and don’t get the self respect I deserve because I feel like I’m doing well enough in other areas of my life. I know what I have to do and not do it’s just actually having the self control.,0.5859,positive,confident 1885,depressed,whats worest than being depressed,speaker,1,Being hopeless !!! this is how i feel ! Im trying to survive man !!!,-0.6331,negative,sad 1885,depressed,whats worest than being depressed,listener_1,2,once I beat borderlands 3 and atomic heart its noose time😎,0.802,positive,excited 1885,depressed,whats worest than being depressed,listener_2,3,But then BL3 GOTY edition with extra content should postpone a call to the hangman.,-0.3291,negative,neutral 1885,depressed,whats worest than being depressed,listener_2,4,"Even sustained, chronic symptoms of depression for long periods of time?",-0.5719,negative,questioning 1886,depressed,Idk what’s wrong with me,speaker,1,"I’ve been in pain for so long that I’ve basically disassociated myself from everything. I legit have no personality anymore I just emulate whatever group I’m with at the moment. I have no future goin in for me, I can’t stop feeling that everyone despises me, and I feel pain in my chest when I’m alone for too long and i wish I had enough courage to do something about it or tell my family how I really feel but i know they won’t understand at all. I have some friends that i really trust but whenever I try to be real with them we end up just joking about it or change the subject real quick to some stupid memes. I’m just fucked in the head and I’m tired of it and i don’t have money nor courage for a therapist. Idk if I’m doing right just venting here and I’m sorry for wasting space on y’alls subreddit. I’m sorry for being a disappointment to everyone.",-0.9735,negative,lonely 1886,depressed,Idk what’s wrong with me,listener_1,2,Cmon man. u literally can’t waste space on a subreddit about *depression* by talking about depression so don’t be like that bro. I remember when I was depressed I thought I was a huge waste and I thought that I wasted everyone’s time but I then came to a realisation that I was completely overreacting to what was actually happening. I was thinking that I didn’t matter and I was basically a nobody but after I stopped and thought about stuff I actually figured out that I was lying to myself and I had a purpose. You matter and you don’t waste anyone’s time. This subreddit is here to help and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do homie,-0.9204,negative,ashamed 1886,depressed,Idk what’s wrong with me,speaker,3,"Thanks, Holmes. It really means a lot.",0.4404,positive,wishing 1887,depressed,If Life sold season passes I don't think I would buy the next one,speaker,1,"I have been alone and unloved for as long as I can remember. My friend started dating a girl he met out of the blue and is so punch-drunk in love that when he came over for board games last night, not a single minute went by when they weren't giggling, touching, or flirting like children. It has been ages since I have been touched that way intimately... and I just don't know how long my body can physically go without that. I want to check out of this miserable hotel, I have overstayed my welcome.",0.61,positive,jealous 1887,depressed,If Life sold season passes I don't think I would buy the next one,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling. I just want to be loved. To feel a female against me. So many people make it look so easy, so why is it so difficult for me....?",0.7351,positive,confident 1887,depressed,If Life sold season passes I don't think I would buy the next one,listener_2,3,"It’s not just difficult for you, and it’s still possible it’s mostly a mental barrier with most people.",0.1556,positive,neutral 1887,depressed,If Life sold season passes I don't think I would buy the next one,listener_1,4,"And physical. I’ve been told I’m ugly by strangers. So, that doesn’t help....",-0.1531,negative,annoyed 1887,depressed,If Life sold season passes I don't think I would buy the next one,listener_2,5,"Look up mewing, it’s real",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1888,depressed,Ghosted again....this is getting old.,speaker,1,"been talking and been on three dates with a girl. everything was gong great. we where going to date again today...we had been texting regularly. she even told me she was running errands. but of course....nothing...she just up and vanished. she is either dead in a ditch or totally ghosted me. both options suck, but i have to believe its the latter. I feel so broken, I try to be a good person. but there is something wrong with me...in my blood. in my dna that has this happen.",-0.9436,negative,devastated 1888,depressed,Ghosted again....this is getting old.,listener_1,2,"There is (probably) nothing wrong with you. You don’t need to be a good person in order for people to like you. Shitty people like Hitler and Ted Bundy had successful relationships. You’re not that bad, are you? Dating is just easier for women. Men are disposable. For most women, a new man is only one swipe away. That is not your fault. It’s theirs.",0.9482,positive,jealous 1888,depressed,Ghosted again....this is getting old.,listener_2,3,https://discord.gg/jUh7tw Just started a discord if anyone is interested,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1889,depressed,"Honestly can’t tell if it’s just my teenage mood swings or if I’m actually depressed. (Trigger Warning? I’m not sure but, take care of yourself.)",speaker,1,"Ever since I was 9, I’ve been suicidal (with countless, albeit weak, attempts at taking my own life.) I’ve self harmed, engaged in self-destructive activities, and constantly flip flop between feeling okay and feeling like death and relapse is the only way out. I can’t tell if this is just part of being an adolescent with a developing brain or if I actually have a mental disorder. When I was 9, I went to a psychiatrist who dismissed my self-harming habits as nothing and who said I didn’t have a disorder. I feel like everything has gotten so much worse since. I always feel like such a danger to myself to people around me. I think about death so much. I want to relapse so badly despite being 3 years clean. Is this just part of being a teenager nowadays? Am I subconsciously riding a ‘trend’ just like how the media portrays depressed 14 year olds? I’m not making myself feel this way but, maybe I’m just exaggerating? Is it normal to want to die?",-0.9605,negative,afraid 1889,depressed,"Honestly can’t tell if it’s just my teenage mood swings or if I’m actually depressed. (Trigger Warning? I’m not sure but, take care of yourself.)",listener_1,2,"Yes, mood swings, feeling uncomfortable with yourself and strong emotions are a big part of teenagehood. That doesn’t mean you should suffer through it and feel afraid for your safety and others. Are there counsellors in your school, OP? Perhaps a school therapist? I don’t know what a psychiatrist is in your country but I’d advise you to go to a therapist first. Where I’m from psychiatrists are dismissive and only take loads of money to give you a med prescription, but true help comes from therapists. I think it would be awesome for you to have a safe space with a professional to discuss your feelings and your concerns. I know it helped me immensely. While I don’t know what you’re going through exactly, I can tell you I also felt pretty shitty throughout my teenage years and finally finding the right therapist felt like finally having a hand reach out to me, while I had been struggling and fighting to not drown for years. I had to try a couple of therapists though, if one does not feel right to you, it doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. It just means the therapist is not compatible with you. Another thing I’d advise is not to try to diagnose yourself. Don’t freak yourself out over mental illnesses and symptoms and the like, I think it brings more stress than anything. It’s a deep rabbithole, especially on the internet, and self-diagnosis doesn’t bring anything other than worries. But the facts are that you feel bad, which is valid, and you are concerned about it, which is valid, and you deserve the very best and to feel good and comfortable. So I would 100% recommend to find a kind, trained person to help you through this. Don’t give up, people care, in fact I care. I hope you find solace and don’t hesitate to pm me if you have any questions or need more advice.",0.9926,positive,apprehensive 1889,depressed,"Honestly can’t tell if it’s just my teenage mood swings or if I’m actually depressed. (Trigger Warning? I’m not sure but, take care of yourself.)",speaker,3,"Hey, thanks for the reply. I have gone to a therapist who also dismissed me. (Funny story, she told me that we would have another session to deal with my ‘mild separation anxiety disorder’, which would later be diagnosed as GAD by another psychiatrist; she then told my mother behind my back that there was no need to come back for another session as I was, “smart enough to figure it out” myself.) So I don’t have the exact best image of therapists. I also don’t trust any of my social workers at school. Most of them are incompetent and does not speak English even though I attend an English school. I also know from experience that I can’t tell them anything without my mother being notified (and I really don’t want my abuser being dragged into this.) Once, they notified my suicidal friend’s abusive parents who beat the shit out of him after they found out. So yeah, professional help is not something that I can get. Even if there was a perfect therapist in my areas that could help me, my mother would never allow it to happen.",0.8733,positive,angry 1889,depressed,"Honestly can’t tell if it’s just my teenage mood swings or if I’m actually depressed. (Trigger Warning? I’m not sure but, take care of yourself.)",listener_1,4,"Believe me, I understand. I have gone to therapists since I was 7 and I had terrible experiences many times. I can still say nowadays that it has saved my life. I'm sorry you had to face such a therapist, but he was not representative of all of them. There are good, competent ones out there. I understand that it's annoying but unfortunately, as long as you are underage, your parents will be notified. This is because they have a huge responsibility over you and if you happened to harm yourself, the school could get in massive trouble for not telling your parents of any signs that could warn them. May I ask why your mother wouldn't allow you to go see therapists? Is it something that is ""taboo"" in your family? Is it difficult for you to express and explain why you would want to see one? When I was a teenager, I felt ashamed to ask for help. One day I felt like I couldn't bear it anymore and told my mom ""I need to see a therapist, now. I don't feel good and there are things I would like to talk about with a professional."" She was reluctant at first but finally I was able to see one. I wanna go back to your main post. Why do you feel like a danger to yourself? To others? If it's intrusive thoughts, I promise you we all have them. Everyone, even those who would never admit to it, have them. It's a normal part of the human brain. Here's the border between ""normal"" and ""concerning"": do you only have those thoughts, or are you acting on them? I assume you're not out there stabbing people. So I would not worry about that if I were you, although yes, it is scary. Thinking about death is normal, too. It doesn't mean you WANT death, it's just the one, most important existential question we face. Especially in this time of change where your personality, your body, your environment, your mind, everything is changing. I think teenage hood is the one moment where we are most confronted to existential thoughts. I'll be honest with you, of all the people I know, most struggled through teenage hood. For some it was earlier, others, later. Not one person I knew or know had zero issues, zero struggles, zero negative feelings. While some were silently struggling with body image, others had full-blown episodes that had them spend some time in psychiatric hospitals. In the end we all survived. It's crazy how we all thought it was impossible to survive our individual issues, that nothing better would ever come. And I know it probably sounds like some random, over-repeated bullshit when I say this to you, but it does get a million times better. It got better for every single person I know. I still look back sometimes at the struggles I personally had to face in those years and I'm glad I made it. For the time being and if as you say, you can't get professional help, I'd recommend you put a huge distance between yourself and everything that could be harmful/toxic to you. If you used something specific to self harm, get rid of it. (By the way, my therapist once gave me an awesome tip against self harm urges! She advised me to take an ice cube in my hand and let it melt. It sounds silly, but it's so cold that it actually kind of hurts, without harming yourself on the long term.) If there is a person that brings you down and that you can realistically cut off, do it. Also it sounds silly but if you entertain and distract yourself as much as possible it will be easier for time to go by. From small things like starting to watch a new show to finding a new game to play to getting into a whole new hobby to start from scratch, it keeps your mind busy and can bring you some joy.",-0.931,negative,agreeing 1889,depressed,"Honestly can’t tell if it’s just my teenage mood swings or if I’m actually depressed. (Trigger Warning? I’m not sure but, take care of yourself.)",speaker,5,"I guess I haven’t acted on my thoughts in a while. So no, I suppose I’m not in immediate danger. I have also never been this close to relapsing back into my self harm habits since I stopped hurting myself, which is a cause for concern. The fact that I’m slipping back to my old ways of casually setting my next suicide attempt, or casually thinking “I’ll go slit my wrists when I go home,” is scary. I suppose they are just intrusive thoughts, but they’re thoughts that make me fear that I’ll be putting myself in danger again. My mother thinks me being mentally unstable in any way is an insult to her and that I’m exaggerating and that I’m a “grateful piece of shit.” Suicidal tendencies and depression are also kind of a standard here where I live. And I’ve tried all these self harm methods, I suppose. Ice, rubber bands, counting to ten, distracting myself; It hasn’t been helping lately when the worst episodes come. I’m beginning to use my nails again, and it feels like a relapse is inevitable. I also can’t eliminate my triggers. My mother is one of my biggest triggers and I still have to live with her for 4 more years. I also used to use pencil sharpener blades and box cutters and pencils to harm myself and those are all daily items that I use at school (resulting in me contemplating self harm in the middle of a test when holding a pencil.) But it is kind of nice to hear from someone like you. I’ve always been told that I won’t live past 20, that none of my friends will live past 20. I suppose if you did it, so can we. I just feel tired of being stuck in the same old habits without the ability of breaking out of it. I’m just scared I’ll always be the shitty person that I am.",-0.9971,negative,apprehensive 1890,depressed,How do I cope?,speaker,1,"I'm fucking depressed, I've been in love with this girl for at least 5 months, but because I'm a pussy and didn't want to fuck things up between us, I never asked her out, and then here comes our friend, let's call him Jeremy, asks her out, and she says yes. I'm really fucking depressed. I just saw a video on my friends snap story of them making out and for fucks sake, I don't know what to do. My friend told me after a while I'll feel nothing, but I don't want to feel nothing, I want to get better. I'm happy she's happy but it fucks me up when I see her with him. How do I cope?",0.9671,positive,devastated 1890,depressed,How do I cope?,listener_1,2,The best way to cope is to distract yourself for a while then dont let it happen again. if you see then next girl you fall for go for her as soon a you fall. thats all you can do,0.4588,positive,consoling 1890,depressed,How do I cope?,speaker,3,"Shit u right, thanks man",-0.1779,negative,acknowledging 1891,depressed,Why I’m feeling down (almost) all the time... 😔,speaker,1,"I grew up with strict parents; I couldn’t go out to play with kids my age, I’d get yelled at for staying out after 11 pm, even inside the house, I couldn’t enjoy hobbies like drawing or playing video games because “this is just an utter waste of time”, and “this won’t get you anywhere in life”. I wanted to get closer to the girl I liked, but they stopped me and now she’s married to someone else. I decided to do my college studies abroad to get away from home for as long as possible, meanwhile starting to learn how to play the guitar, but now I can’t do it after graduating cuz they don’t want any musical instruments in their house (living alone is too costly for me) while hearing all my colleagues talking about taking their instruments back since their families encourage them to do so. Being kept in the house made me shy and socially anxious that I can’t join conversations with people and they’d end up keeping me out of their hangouts. Even if I manage to talk to people, they’d be uninterested in me because of me liking rock/metal music unlike the mainstream, as well as my lack of ability to keep in touch with friends.",0.9372,positive,ashamed 1891,depressed,Why I’m feeling down (almost) all the time... 😔,listener_1,2,Jeez. That sound awful. It sounds like you weren’t allowed to develop.,-0.128,negative,acknowledging 1891,depressed,Why I’m feeling down (almost) all the time... 😔,listener_2,3,That’s what I’d recommend too. Save up and move away as far as your money will allow. It’s personally what I want to do.,0.7845,positive,agreeing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,1,Hey.. I’m Zakk.. I have no friends. Prolly cause I’m weird and talk a lot. I’m depressed and I hate everything besides twenty one pilots. I like people that are nice I guess lmao. I just need friends really. People to talk to. Like I love being in group chats that just constantly talk and send memes. :) Anyway if you wanna be my friend I would appreciate it. You don’t have to though.,0.9489,positive,lonely 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_1,2,Whats your favorite 21 pilots song,0.4588,positive,questioning 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,3,Ooh good question... uh probably Lovely or Ruby,0.7717,positive,acknowledging 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_2,4,"Oh my god I love Ruby, it evokes so many feelings in me when I listen to it. I love when songs do that. TØP is the best! Also Forest is a good one.",0.9577,positive,nostalgic 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_1,5,I like Heathens and Ride,0.3612,positive,afraid 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,6,Both extremely good answers,0.4927,positive,agreeing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_1,7,haha thanks bro I dont see many TOP fans anymore,0.5811,positive,acknowledging 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,8,I know right? Like a lot of people moved on after the long hiatus.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_1,9,"I gotta log off now because it is getting late, but this was a nice conversation, have a nice day!",0.8268,positive,acknowledging 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,10,You too!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,11,Hello!,0.0,neutral,wishing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,12,Ahhh yess!! What’s ur favorite song??,0.6052,positive,questioning 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_2,13,"Picking a favorite is TOUGHHHH. But I’d say Guns For Hands, but like Ride is undeniably good, and We Don’t Believe Whats on TV is hella good... Trapdoor, Trapdoor is epically good maybe that’s my favorite.",0.9692,positive,suggesting 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,14,"Trapdoor and guns for hands are both sooo good! Besides Ruby and lovely, I’d say that Glowing eyes is my favorite",0.8748,positive,excited 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_2,15,"I don’t think I’ve heard glowing eyes before, I’ll have to listen to it",0.0,neutral,afraid 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,16,"I think it’s more of an older uncommon song. But it’s real good. Besides TØP, who’s your favorite band?",0.8338,positive,questioning 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_2,17,"NCT, Monsta X, iKON, fall out boy, the Rose, Day6, uhhh... I’m sure there are others but those are what come to mind",0.1655,positive,neutral 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,18,Lmao hell yea,-0.1779,negative,agreeing 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,speaker,19,I would.. LOVE that,0.7125,positive,acknowledging 1892,depressed,Hello Friends,listener_3,20,Let me know when you do ^-^,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1893,depressed,How do i cope what do i do,speaker,1,I lost a lot of money and im filled with regret and sadness i have no energy for anything I have that feeling in my gut that makes me weak and stressed,-0.9121,negative,sad 1893,depressed,How do i cope what do i do,listener_1,2,Money can be earned again. You learned a lesson and now know how it feels so hopefully it won't happen again in the future. You're going to wiser than yesterday. It just takes some time but it's not impossible to get yourself out of this rut. You're gonna be okay. =) this is part of the process of learning a new lesson. It's not a unique one and you can build yourself up again. Dont be too hard on yourself.,0.8732,positive,hopeful 1893,depressed,How do i cope what do i do,speaker,3,thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1894,depressed,Anyone else tell themselves they’re grateful to be employed because they hate their job?,speaker,1,Title says it all. I hate my job. I’m so overworked it’s ridiculous but so is everyone else there. I’m so tired at the end of the day I can’t even enjoy the money I make. Who feels the same?,-0.6179,negative,jealous 1894,depressed,Anyone else tell themselves they’re grateful to be employed because they hate their job?,listener_1,2,I agree but now I think I just work to avoid having free time so that I don't just wallow around at home.,0.5267,positive,agreeing 1894,depressed,Anyone else tell themselves they’re grateful to be employed because they hate their job?,speaker,3,Haha yup!,0.5093,positive,agreeing 1895,depressed,Depressed 34M whose life is lonely and boring,speaker,1,"So... here I come to the depressed subreddit to tell my story. Well where do I start? Like in the title I am 34yrs old, 5'2"", 350lbs, I still live with my parents, I've never had a job, I don't have my drivers license, I've never had a girlfriend nor have I been in a relationship with a girl my entire life, and I'm a virgin to add on top of all of that. The reason I still live with my parents is I suffer from high anxiety and depression which makes it really hard for me to socialize with people. That's also another thing I forgot to add is I am very anti-social. I will admit I did have one job, but it only lasted a few days because it was a job at the mall at one of the kiosks and I ended up having a panic attack. Yes I do take medication for my depression but it only last for a little while. I've never had a relationship with a girl my entire life because I'm shy and of course anti-social. Also I was home schooled so I never interacted with actual students. I've been wanting to go out with a girl for a long time but I just can't seem to find the right person to ask. I've tried online dating but that doesn't seem to work. Also I am a virgin so I've never had sex before and yes I'm one of those guys who is like always horny so I just deal with it like everyone else does which is masturbating. I know that's a lovely thing to tell people on here but hey I've seen worse things told on Reddit lol. I've also moved a lot and I now live in Houston TX for 19yrs now. I'm mostly a homebody and lay in bed most of the day doing things on my computer. I'm more social online then in real life. I do get out of the house sometimes when one of my parents have to go out and run errands. I enjoy collecting things like Transformers, Hot Toys figures, and Funko POPs. I do get money from my father twice a month so I guess that's where my income comes from. I know its not the best way to get money, but my father offers it to me so I take what I can get. He gives it to me as I help do things around the house and I help my mother out as she suffers from fibromyalgia and can't left heavy stuff. I try to save my money, but I just spend it on stuff I like to collect which I have too much of right now. I had to move to one of the other rooms in our house when we had our floors cleaned and my grandma is staying with us for six weeks until her place is ready to move into. So I had to pack my stuff and its all stacked up in my father's office room. I've been meaning to start moving some of it back into my room but I just can't seem to get myself to do it. I pretty much procrastinate a lot. I would like to make some friends on here and talk to people who are in the same position I'm in. I also get pretty lonely that sometimes I'll talk to myself which oddly enough I do a lot when I'm out of the house. I forgot to mention why I haven't gotten a drivers license well I guess I'm just afraid to do it and having to do the driving part with someone in the car with you makes my anxiety really high. So that pretty much covers most of my depressing life story. I guess I'm posting this on here so I can just get some input on what I should do to make changes in my life.",0.9884,positive,ashamed 1895,depressed,Depressed 34M whose life is lonely and boring,listener_1,2,"hey dude, check some of the resources at the top. Life is not easy and I think you need a few baby steps, making a plan for the day, try to get out for a short walk, i know it is tough to get motivated but just one little thing every day and try to build on that. I sincerely wish you the best of luck man",0.9635,positive,wishing 1895,depressed,Depressed 34M whose life is lonely and boring,listener_2,3,"This is great advice, and I recommend one small accomplishment per day, and building on that.. whether it is going outside, talking to someone on the phone like making an order, going to the store, saying hello to the cashier etc",0.8442,positive,agreeing 1896,depressed,hello everyone,speaker,1,"im 15/F from england, id love to be anyones friend! i love to help people and im here to vent to. anytime, just private message me, even if its just to chat!! :)",0.9594,positive,caring 1896,depressed,hello everyone,listener_1,2,Good to know I'll remember this,0.4404,positive,trusting 1896,depressed,hello everyone,speaker,3,im glad! my messages are always open:),0.5093,positive,acknowledging 1896,depressed,hello everyone,listener_2,4,"Thanks very kind of you. If you’d like to talk then just send me a message, I’m kind of bored myself.",0.4601,positive,acknowledging 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),speaker,1,"Sorry for my grammar, Englisb is not my first language. Just a small background: I never had a healthy relationship with my family. I have tried to commit suicide several times starting from when I was 10, and considered running away from home when I was 8. My parents were not good ones. I learned basic manners from my teachers, and I'm still learning (e.g. it is rude to cut in someone else's conversations) till now. My father is very distant to me (we don't speak to each other unless it involves me needing allowance for school), my mother verbally abuses me (I only realized recently that I was actually being abused. As a child, I thought that it was all normal since my older brothers and sisters never pertained to it as 'abuse'. ""It's just my mother being my mother. All parents do that."" That was why I turned my teachers down back then when they tried to adopt me. My siblings always take their side. I was a black sheep in the family. From November 2017 to March 2018, my parents' fights got intense and my mother ended up directing her anger towards me. I got so sad I barely went to school and then gradually stopped going to school at all (it was my graduating year). During those times, I always overthink that my head hurt so much I end up sleeping at 7 am even though I went to bed at 12 midnight, and I wake up to my mother ranting again and again. I had no motivation to do anything. I didn't even take baths. The worst thing she did to me was while I was asleep, she tried to strangle me with her hands and then after a while, she put a pillow over my face and tried to suffocate me. I struggled at first due to surprise but didn't bother after some time. I wanted to die anyway. I got through those months because I had a few friends who I kept talking to (even though I know, they don't want to hear about sad stuff everyday). It was a miracle I even graduated highschool. The day after my graduation, I ran away from the house and started working just so I can live. I rented a room cities away. My mother was furious at first and started messaging me all over social media saying ""I ran away with my boyfriend"", ""you are a slut"", etc. I ignored and played dumb. Fast forward some months. I managed to go to college (it was free and I had a scholarship, the college even had therapists) and actually study for some time, but since I am struggling financially (the scholarship allowance never came on time), I had to contact my father to ask for money. He deposits money anyway. Starting November 2018, however, I get sad for no reason and I kept on getting sleep paralysis along with bad dreams. Sometimes (around thrice) I would wake up in extreme panic, my hands kept trembling. I just hug myself till it ends. I searched on google and it leads to 'you may have panic attacks', but google searches don't equate to actually getting an appointment with a doctor and their examples are way more extreme and usually have a trigger of some sort. During those days I barely got any sleep and it affected my studies so much I had to get a medical certificate from the college psychiatrist. I went and got an appointment and explained all I can. She prescribed me some supplements and sertraline, which is a very weak antidepressant while saying ""You're going to take this not because you have depression, this is just a weak antidepressant so you don't get sudden mood changes."" I did as prescribed for the month of December, but my experience with it wasn't that good. Yes, it does keep me from getting sudden mood and overthinking, but I didn't have any appetite. I drank and ate not because I want to but because I need to. Food I once craved tasted like trash. It felt abnormal. I felt..... blank. Living alone, there wasn't really anyone there to get my mood up. I spent christmas all alone in the room. January 2019, the sleep paralysis and sudden panic stopped, and I was a bit confident I can do fine now, so I stopped the medication slowly. Along with going to the college psychiatrist. By then I had suspicions with the university medical service as I've heard their mind is set to ""students go here just to get excused from their failure in studies"". Some people also shared their negative experiences with them (e.g. this one girl actually had a very severe lung problem and all the doctor prescribed her is paracetamol. If she didn't get a second opinion from a doctor outside the university, she would've been dead by now). A friend of a student from the same university (who had mental issues) also said that I should just go to another hospital, that the doctors there assume I was saying bullshit. All was well until February. I suddenly got sad again for no reason. Adding to that, I then got scammed in my current part time job and managed to get half of the pay. I couldn't ask from my father as my little brother is undergoing a therapy of some sort, and it cost a lot. I managed to make do with what I had left until I only had enough for a fare to go back to my parent's house. I went back to my parent's house, of course, as I had no money and was afraid I might try to kill myself if left alone. My sister also said that our neighbor, knowing I liked dogs, gave them a puppy that was meant to be mine. Going back was a bad choice. My little brother seemed to like the puppy and then they just decided that it's his now, without my consent, when it was supposedly mine. They just got a new, but way uglier puppy 'for me'. I just decided to own it since all dogs' lives matter, hoping I can get it out of this house once I get money. They bullied my dog calling it names like 'ugly', giving treats only to the first puppy, and letting only the first puppy inside their room. I get really sad from that.... My brothers are also bullying me saying stuff like I shouldn't have come back, they don't want me here, etc. By then, I stopped going to uni, since I was so sad and it was so much pressure. I don't feel safe at all in this house. My mother was more concerned they might have to pay back the scholarship since I'm at a risk of losing it. She didn't try to kill me again though. Now, the sleep paralysis and sudden panic is back. I started getting thoughts of injecting mercury on my torso or cutting my wrists again. I don't know if I should go back to the university psychiatrist (which is free, but might not be reliable). I can't afford a private one.",-0.9993,negative,ashamed 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),listener_1,2,"Wow... I'm amazed by your strength to even stay alive. I honestly would've killed myself a while back.. I think it's very possible that you are depressed. I want to say that i'm so sorry your going through this. Although it must feel horrible I suggest you go see the university psychiatrist. Due to your money situation you don't seem (from my viewpoint) to have many options. I think this goes without saying but you should try to find a job. As hard as it is with those feelings you (it might not be for you, this is all from my viewpoint) have to take steps forward to escape this. There are different courses of actions to take in this scenario. I'm assuming you live in England or something due to free college. But in my country there are laws against child abuse and animal abuse (it doesn't sound like they're abusing your dog or you right now but thats still cruel). So there would possibly be different ways you could fight back on this in your country. As I said i'm so sorry your going through this and wish you the best of luck. My PM's are always open if you need to talk.",-0.8657,negative,sympathizing 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),speaker,3,"Thanks. It makes me a bit happier that someone even took the time to read through all that :). I had a few friends to talk to which maybe explains why I am still here today, but they are just too busy rn.... I don't live in England though, I only get free college because of a scholarship. I am 19 now so if I even got abused, I won't even be considered as a 'child' anymore. Reading my post again, I think it was childish of me to even tell about my dog when all this should have been about my situation. I am actually planning on applying for a new job, as I plan to run away again in the future... I just think I am not stable enough right now to take on one.... so I would like to get medications first if I do even have depression.",-0.3262,negative,grateful 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),listener_1,4,"It's hard figuring out if you are actually depressed or just going through something difficult. Regardless, I know what your going through isn't easy. I hope your able to get the job and move on with your life. I'm verily active so if you need help i'm here. If you want I can provide you with some resources that might help tell you if your depressed.",-0.7106,negative,caring 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),speaker,5,"I actually just got a bit better again, Mr./Ms.. Maybe I was just overly sensitive.... I mean everyone else must have had to go through something difficult in their lives. Maybe all I needed was just a bit of encouraging words, like saying I am 'strong' for surviving this long. I think so, too. But, when my mother ridicules me again, or my brothers say hurtful words, I start to think otherwise. And then stupid stuff will start to make sense. ""Everything will be better without me."", ""Suicide is just a natural selection spin-off."", ""Why should I keep on living just to make other people who doesn't want me dead happy?"", ""Euthanasia should be legalized here, people should be given a choice to end their lives peacefully and without pain."" When I start thinking like that, it's hard to get back up. You can give me some of the resources and if they're reliable I'll give it a go.... but I will still have to consult with a psychiatrist.",0.978,positive,sad 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),listener_1,6,"[https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/health/depression-test](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/tests/health/depression-test) [https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/depression](https://www.womenshealth.gov/mental-health/mental-health-conditions/depression) [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20356007) Here are a couple trust worthy links. I am a Mr. Just because everyone has gone through something tough in there life, doesn't make yours any less important. Don't let them bring you down like that, your amazing and unique in your own ways. You don't deserve what's happened to you.",0.9101,positive,afraid 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),speaker,7,"Thank you for your encouraging words and advice. I am currently trying to get a schedule with the psychiatrist but she's loaded... Tbh I really hate myself right now, and I can't agree more than I need to reinvent myself. I wish I didn't get the scholarship though.... cause now that I'm bound to lose it, I feel like trash. It's one of the best scholarships to get in my country, like I wasted a once in a lifetime opportunity by suddenly.... losing all motivation. I feel like if I didn't get it in the first place, I'd feel less shitty. On the bright side though, I found a sub where all the people sympathize and have similar experiences with mine. It makes me feel less lonely. It's r/raisedbynarcissists",0.7205,positive,disappointed 1897,depressed,Do I have depression? [19F] (long post),listener_2,8,"Here's a sneak peek of /r/raisedbynarcissists using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Cops knock down my dorm door because Nmom lied to get me back](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/a0bni6/cops_knock_down_my_dorm_door_because_nmom_lied_to/) \#2: [I found myself and my 8 year old daughter in the same scenario as when my Nmom damaged me as a 10year old.... and I chose to be better.](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/anfutd/i_found_myself_and_my_8_year_old_daughter_in_the/) \#3: [My Mother's friends all shut her down when she told a story about my ""badness""](https://np.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/aghb9f/my_mothers_friends_all_shut_her_down_when_she/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/afd0dd/blacklist/)",-0.3076,negative,surprised 1897,depressed,Help,listener_3,1,People are saying im depressed at school. But i don't think i do but sometimes i think i do. So am i depressed or not? :(,-0.5976,negative,questioning 1897,depressed,Help,listener_4,2,"You are only depressed if you feel you have an actual issue. If they think you're depressed, you must act antisocial or gloomy in some way.",-0.802,negative,afraid 1897,depressed,Help,listener_3,3,im anti social and gloomy,-0.4404,negative,sad 1897,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,sad,-0.4767,negative,sad 1898,depressed,Why do I feel so bad about myself :(,speaker,1,"I can’t really talk to anybody, so I’m here. I just feel like absolute trash sometimes. Like today, I feel worthless. My life is horrible. I’m a horrible person. I don’t deserve to be here. Everybody else is happy living their own lives but I’m here, alone, afraid and scared. I don’t want to go to school. I don’t want to interact and make new friends. I just want to stay home and be alone on the Internet, where nobody will judge me for how I look, or how I dress. I just want to be happier but is it that hard? I run on 3 hours of sleep but I don’t care, I don’t give a f- about how I function anymore. Life is worthless, I’m worthless. I want to get better but Jesus Christ people are just so rude nowadays. It’s like they’re happy to see me angry, or mentally unstable. Like they know I’m like this but they don’t care! Why does the universe hate me? Why did I have to be like this? I never wanted to be unhappy, I just wish I could be like other people my age, going out with friends and doing other fun stuff. I wish I could just be normal. Is it that hard? Why won’t society accept me?",0.9799,positive,lonely 1898,depressed,Why do I feel so bad about myself :(,listener_1,2,Have you told your family? Perhaps they can do something about it,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1898,depressed,Why do I feel so bad about myself :(,speaker,3,I take therapy but it doesn’t help ;-;,0.5499,positive,neutral 1899,depressed,"People are giving up on me, I need advice",speaker,1,"Hello, as title suggests I am kinda in that area again of depression. Teachers are already giving up on me for not showing up at school when I am starting to feel better. I am writing this in hopes that some of you can help me. I can’t talk to anyone close because I fear that I will drain them. I just need help from someone, and at this point, I don’t mind internet strangers to help me.",0.8074,positive,trusting 1899,depressed,"People are giving up on me, I need advice",listener_1,2,"There are more people who have been in this situations, including me. But you gotta tell people what you are going through. I am far from recovered and I am also dealing with an eating disorder but you gotta tell people in your area. Start with family or those who are closest to you! It took me weeks to build up the courage but I did it, and so will you!",0.3257,positive,trusting 1900,depressed,Feeling hopeless need some kinda words I guess.,speaker,1,"I don't feel hopeful about the future, and I haven't for a long time. I am currently semi unemployed doing odd jobs. I previously worked at a solar company for a couple of years and ended up quitting because I was tired of being treated like crap and was ready to kill myself. I should get another job but all the jobs here are the same shit i've been doing for the past decade. And they are gonna be the same shit entry level jobs. Look I know 'm not special I don't deserve a fucking thing. I'm just so tired and crushed I don't know how to feel hopeful about another job. I am more ready to just disappear. Going into interviews I just want to shoot myself. I'm not a people person. 'm great at faking it but after 10 years I just want to go to sleep forever. IDK I just feel like life is shit and just don't get why I keep trying anymore.",-0.9783,negative,apprehensive 1900,depressed,Feeling hopeless need some kinda words I guess.,listener_1,2,I felt like you. I was very depressed after my family broke up. I had a great job but quit due to my depression. I hated myself for the longest time. I started delivering pizza and it's an easy job that's low stress and I make enough money to pay bills. I feel way better now that I've been doing it for a bit even though I still don't really know what I'm going to do with the future. I'm just regaining stability. Just focus on your mental health. Get an easy job. Reduce your life demands and coast for a little while to catch your breath. Good luck.,0.1787,positive,lonely 1900,depressed,Feeling hopeless need some kinda words I guess.,speaker,3,"I appreciate the thought, also get fucked on the generation shit",-0.743,negative,agreeing 1901,depressed,Accident guilt,speaker,1,"This past Friday I was in a car crash. The accident was not caused by me. We believe the car is totaled. Today we went to the tow lot to retrieve our belongings. I cried while I was cleaning out my car and while looking at the damage. Even though we have insurance and a settlement will be reached, I much rather have my car back. I know that whatever the monetary sum will be, it won’t be enough to buy a new car flat out. We had one more payment to make and the car would’ve been ours.",-0.8807,negative,sad 1901,depressed,Accident guilt,listener_1,2,Did anyone die? Or is it because your cars totaled?,-0.644,negative,questioning 1901,depressed,Accident guilt,speaker,3,It’s because the car is wrecked.,0.0,neutral,afraid 1902,depressed,My friend has been thinking about suicide.,speaker,1,"I have a very close friend (let's just call him Sam) and he has been thinking about suicide. We are both highschoolers (just for some context) and within the span of the last two years he has gone through three very bad breakups (all of these were his first experience with relationships), he has had a family member die, and a whole bunch of other shit. Sam says he hates being at his house, he says he always feels alone, he says he want's to be sad even though it doesn't make sense and he feels it's wrong to feel happy, and he says he hates being single. He told me he has considered suicide, and he thinks he makes everybody around him feel sad. While I had depression in elementary school, I don't have all that much to say about that experience, and I don't know how to help him. I've told him over and over that I and many other people care deeply for him, but that's basically all I've done. Do any of you have anything to say?",-0.9326,negative,sad 1902,depressed,My friend has been thinking about suicide.,listener_1,2,"His health is more important than your friendship, and that means you have to contact authorities if he is on the verge of suicide. Hopefully that never happens, and in the meantime, all you can do is let him know that you will listen if he needs a confidant.",0.2944,positive,faithful 1902,depressed,My friend has been thinking about suicide.,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1902,depressed,My friend has been thinking about suicide.,speaker,4,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1903,depressed,I don’t think i’m depressed but I might be showing signs that I am?,speaker,1,"Hi all, This is my first actual post so I dunno if i’ll get any comments but it’s worth a shot. So I take medication for a medical condition I found out about 6 years ago. In the past two years my doctor has increased my dosage for my medications to the max limit. I now take 6 pills in the morning and two at night, if I am depressed I don’t want to take more medication because it’s already too much for me. I’ve never really given much thought to it but throughout the last 6 years i’ve noticed that I have been slowly showing some signs of depression. I’ve lost interest in certain things. I don’t have any interest in sexual desires, this makes me feel sad because i’ve discussed it with my boyfriend several times even though I really want to be. When friends try to invite me to go out sometimes I make up an excuse not to go but other times i’m excited to go out (depending on the people). However, there are still other things that I do get excited to do. I’m excited to go to a concert later this month for example. My mom says since i’ve been on my medication i’ve been irritable, not as kind and soft as I used to be. I mean I know i’m grouchy when I get woken up and I am aware of that and I do feel sorry for the way I am when woken up but I feel thats normal for some people... At times I also feel heartless and have no emotion. There have been situations where I know I should feel guilty, horrible and should be crying but I just don’t feel anything at all. During the winter time I usually feel depressed for no reason. I’ll listen to sad music and cry about literally nothing. But thats only sometimes, other days and situations I do have positive emotion/feelings. I don’t know whether or not i’m actually depressed. I feel normal, I don’t think theres anything wrong with me except for losing interest in some things I used to enjoy. Will I ever be able to change? What are some things people do to change these symptoms/signs? Sorry this post is so long!",-0.98,negative,apprehensive 1903,depressed,I don’t think i’m depressed but I might be showing signs that I am?,listener_1,2,"Talk to your GP, or even better, a psychiatrist. Don’t worry if you have depression, the first line of treatment is not drugs, but psychotherapy, which in essence is just talking about your condition to a professional. Take care, and I wish for you to feel better soon!",0.892,positive,wishing 1903,depressed,I don’t think i’m depressed but I might be showing signs that I am?,speaker,3,"Thank you, i’ll look into that!",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 1904,depressed,Feels like I'm swimming against a river,speaker,1,"Just overwhelmed have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I don't even know where to begin. I'm almost 30 have a full time job got married last year to an awesome wife, but she struggles with anxiety and if I act depressed it sets her off but our world is on fire for the last few months. Mostly debt related but I have always been a depressed person who just toughs it out. My dad killed himself when I was 8 and my step dad did the same when I was like 10 I didn't like him much but still kind of messed me up. Was on zoloft in middle school and then got off of it then few years later I met my now baby mama and had our son when I was 19. But not before cheating on me quite a bit when I was in basic training and while she was pregnant. I just wanted a family and wanted to help her deal with her demons but that was almost the end of me because I became suicidal. We split she kept him I went to Afghanistan. A buddie died and one had his legs blown off. But besides that I loved it there so much less to worry about in the day to day just do your job leave the rest up to fate. I guess my misery is longer than I thought so I guess I will continue on break as I have to work.",-0.9902,negative,sad 1904,depressed,Feels like I'm swimming against a river,listener_1,2,life is terrible man just hold on be patient god tests the best of us,0.4939,positive,consoling 1904,depressed,Feels like I'm swimming against a river,listener_2,3,"I felt ashamed after reading your post, I'm older than you, I am struggling with my depression as well, but I just avoid responsibility, no partner, still living at home, trying to land a job. I don't think a healthy person can handle what you are doing, supporting a family. And you are depressed. I am sorry that I don't know how to help. Is getting welfare or support from charity an option? Even for short period of time to get some breathing space?",-0.4305,negative,ashamed 1905,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,speaker,1,"I don’t want to live anymore. I don’t want to kill myself, I just don’t want to exist. I want to fade away, it all seems so hopeless. I’m not good enough to make it in this world and I’m not good enough for the people around me. I’m selfish and I always let them down. I’m a burden on those I love and come across as annoying and desperate. There are so many thoughts in my head I can’t communicate them, even now it’s coming out all jumbled. Ironic, my name is hope but I feel completely hopeless In every sense of the word",-0.9141,negative,ashamed 1905,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_1,2,"Parts of this resonate and I can remember having somewhat similar thoughts, but I won't pretend to know what it's like specifically for you, because no one does and no one can. I know it sometimes feels like we should be as harsh on ourselves as possible, we say things about ourselves we would call hurtful if someone said to someone else, even if there was some amount of accuracy. I've found it helpful to have those conversations about what bothers me about myself as if I was having them with another person and actually wanted a resolution to the conflict. How are you expected to figure out what to say to defend your own existence or figure out what is right to do and do it...under such a barrage of attack? If we said those sorts of things to other people that were close to us, it would shut them down in that moment and nothing helpful would come of that conversation. To borrow a concept discussed in 12 Rules For Life, if you saw someone you loved in the same condition as yourself and felt a responsibility to take care of them, how would you go about doing so? In light of that, here are a few questions aimed at getting more specific and therefore more likely to be helpful, whether or not you just answer them internally or not is up to you. Consider you are in some sort of a relationship with someone you love and who you want things to work out with, and who also just so happens to be yourself. What does this person do that's making your relationship with them, or their relationships with others, so difficult, and what's a starting point for how they could demonstrate a willingness to you to make it better? Or to think of it this way, what are some changes you could make, either doing something good or stopping something that you know is stupid, to reduce your suffering, that you would actually do *right now*? IF you read one book on this sort of thing, let it be 12 Rules For Life. This is just a scattershot approach based on the almost nothing I know. Hope some part of that made sense and was helpful.",0.5838,positive,sentimental 1905,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,3,Thank you for posting this book suggestion. I looked it up and I am going to buy it soon,0.3612,positive,grateful 1905,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,4,Do you have something that will help others as well? Don't hide it in a private DM!,0.6818,positive,questioning 1906,depressed,nobody cares,speaker,1,"today is my birthday i was excited because i can't wait people to wish for my birthday ,then non of my friends even wish for my birthday except my middle school friend ,my aunty and my family. i cried at 12 am i was waiting people to wish for me but they forgot even my close and best friend didn't wish except one of them he's the only one remembered . i feel empty , useless and dumb. i know not a single person cared about me . even if they cared bout me they didn't cared enough . it's too late nobody cared enough. goodbye and sorry for my english or grammar. ||-// stay alive",0.9539,positive,sad 1906,depressed,nobody cares,listener_1,2,Happy birthday. The future is bright. Things might suck for the time being. Maybe seek professional help?,0.7506,positive,suggesting 1906,depressed,nobody cares,speaker,3,thanks for the wish! and i think im gonna keep quiet about my depression,0.2942,positive,acknowledging 1906,depressed,nobody cares,speaker,4,thanks!! M1nit much love!,0.8392,positive,wishing 1906,depressed,nobody cares,listener_2,5,<3,0.0,neutral,neutral 1906,depressed,nobody cares,speaker,6,thanks!!! :)),0.5826,positive,acknowledging 1906,depressed,nobody cares,speaker,7,thanks for the wish ur the best :'),0.9201,positive,wishing 1907,depressed,Just sharing,speaker,1,"For the longest time I've felt like life has passed me by. I continue to search for new hopes and dreams, but come up empty. It's hard to be involved in others lives as theirs are progressing, while mine is at an obvious stand still. I haven't given up and I dont want to. I'm not asking for help, thank you for reading.",0.1852,positive,faithful 1907,depressed,Just sharing,listener_1,2,There has to be a dream for anyone even for the ones who has given up i know that you didnt gave up yet thats awsome but if u need help or maybe a friend hit me up i'll be there for you,0.8537,positive,suggesting 1907,depressed,Just sharing,speaker,3,"I agree and thank you the gesture, very kind.",0.8268,positive,agreeing 1908,depressed,IM 15 AND I DONT KNOW IF IM DEPRESSED OR SAD OR JUST LAZY (REALLY LONG),speaker,1,"IM NOT SURE IF THIS IS DEPRESSION So im living at another country right now with my mom and step dad because i need to renew my visa and the plan was to go back to my country after renewing, before school starts. unfortunately the appointment was late so i have no choice but to study here for a whole year( i dont speak their language, and because of that i technically will repeat a whole year so for example im supposed to be at grade 8 but because of language problems im currently grade 7) and that made me sad since im losing a year because of a fcking visa that i dont really need, so there is that and next is my step dad i think he lowkey hates me when he is drunk or just pissed on something he calls us pieces of shits, calling my mom slut,calling my grandma and grandpa a failure(my mom and i are from a 3rd world country and he lives in a 1st world country) ALMOST EVERYDAY THEY FIGHT there was a time when my step dad broke the tv, so my step dad was talking to my mom(my mom was hungry from work) she said ""come on let me eat first"" (but in italian) my step dad suddenly just smashed the fk out of the tv and said "" i didnt eat shit!"" like that for almost a whole year And because of that i feel like just staying in my room waiting for it to become night and sleep like that everyday im just waiting for this school year to end and go back home(PHILIPPINES)",-0.9893,negative,apprehensive 1908,depressed,IM 15 AND I DONT KNOW IF IM DEPRESSED OR SAD OR JUST LAZY (REALLY LONG),listener_1,2,This isn’t to long,0.0,neutral,questioning 1908,depressed,IM 15 AND I DONT KNOW IF IM DEPRESSED OR SAD OR JUST LAZY (REALLY LONG),speaker,3,Ohh well hahaha,0.6908,positive,acknowledging 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,speaker,1,going to school every week i made 0 friends it's already the middle of the year and no one even talks to me in school &#x200B; and i try to talk,0.2263,positive,lonely 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,listener_1,2,If ur really that upset ask to move schools,-0.4364,negative,agreeing 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,speaker,3,people don't sit close to me people ignore me seems like they don't want to talk with me,-0.0572,negative,annoyed 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,listener_2,4,Maybe try to talk to people that are not in your class. Or for an example you really like drawing and you see someone else draw try to sit with them of that doesn't work you should try online friends I have some and they're better than my irl friends,0.8977,positive,suggesting 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,speaker,5,:( no chance,-0.5632,negative,devastated 1909,depressed,I can't make friends,listener_2,6,Just try it if it doesn't work sucks you know but you tried if they ignore you just don't talk to them they aren't worth it.,-0.5710000000000001,negative,neutral 1910,depressed,Prolly just another depression post,speaker,1,"I don't really have a reason to be depressed, I have a loving family (divorced parents but that seems like a norm these days) I have 2 close friends, which is better than none, I have a job, but nothing makes me happy and I'm honestly quite sad 24/7 I don't know how to talk to people, I feel so trapped and I have nobody to turn too, if I wasn't such a pussy Id off myself, but like everything else in my life I'm scared, I'm scared to do things, and dress different, and be me because I'm scared of what others will think, I don't see any meaning in my life, idk where I'll be in 5 years, I have no college degree, no girlfriend, and I'm stuck in shitty western New York, I just wish I had somebody close I could journey thru life with but I have nobody like that, no body to relate to and connect with on that level, maybe this is ""just another depression post"" but I needed to get this off my chest, I guess ultimately I'm looking for someone I can be there for and some one who can be there for me, if you'd like to talk feel free to send me a DM, if not, thank you for reading this far",-0.9584,negative,lonely 1910,depressed,Prolly just another depression post,listener_1,2,I wonder about people in rural areas and how being close to nature doesn't relieve depressive symptoms.,0.0191,neutral,nostalgic 1910,depressed,Prolly just another depression post,speaker,3,"There's bugs in nature, I don't fuck with bugs",0.431,positive,agreeing 1910,depressed,Prolly just another depression post,listener_1,4,Understandable. A cloud of mosquitos will wreck me...for similar reasons I only like the seashore during winter.,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 1910,depressed,Prolly just another depression post,speaker,5,Love bomb much appreciated <3,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 1910,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,1,"If it weren’t for the fact that I’d feel bad for my mom and my siblings I would go kill myself tonight. I lost all my friends over the last year. I’ve regressed into my old habits and have no means to pull myself out of the rut that I’ve dug myself into and nobody wants to hangout with a loser. I haven’t had a girlfriend in 5 years. The two serious girlfriends I’ve had, both cheated on me and blamed me for it. It was difficult to get over the first one.. the second one has haunted me for 5 years. Today my “best friend” told me he wished he didn’t answer my phone call because I needed help with a minor task. I have health issues that I have no hopes of solving on my income and with no health insurance. All the money I’m able to make goes to bills. I have no hope of saving. No hope in moving up in the world. I owe thousands in school debt that turned out to be completely useless education. I want to go jump of a cliff. My social anxiety is through the roof and I need help but I can’t get it. Every day that passes I’m closer and closer to my expiration. I stopped taking care of myself and have hoped that my heath issues take over. Because I have no one who will notice if I’m sick I will fade away and hopefully pass someday soon. My primary concern is to avoid hospitals so my immediate family won’t be stuck with any bills.",-0.9466,negative,ashamed 1910,depressed,I hate myself,listener_1,2,I sense some positive qualities in your attitude.,0.5574,positive,acknowledging 1910,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,3,Thanks. I try to be rational.,0.4404,positive,agreeing 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,1,Next Friday(24th) I graduate from the eighth grade. I hated this year so damn much. I only made 1-3 friends but lost more than I can actually count which is just sad. I’m lonely as hell and I’m always thinking about it. This was by far my worst year of middle school. This year I started isolating myself and not talking when I really wanted to because of things that happened this year and the last couple of years.,-0.9802,negative,lonely 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,listener_1,2,Yeah I feel you. I ended up losing all my friends that year and didn't make any now that I'm in high school. I do have many friends online that I adore and cherish. Keep those friends you made and I hope you have a good time in high school.,0.9633,positive,sentimental 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,3,I hope I keep them in hs too considering we are all probably going to hs together. I am kind of scared of highschool tbh.,-0.0754,negative,apprehensive 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,listener_1,4,"It's not that bad once you get into the swing of things. Especially if you're going to the same school with people you know, it'll probably be a lot less scary.",-0.0147,neutral,acknowledging 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,5,Okay.,0.2263,positive,trusting 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,listener_1,6,"Regardless, I hope everything turns out well for you. Have a good day.",0.7845,positive,encouraging 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,7,Okayy. You have a good day also,0.4404,positive,wishing 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,8,Ooo. Ok Well shoot. At least we’ll be out of middle school,0.2263,positive,acknowledging 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,listener_2,9,maybe highschool will be better,0.4404,positive,suggesting 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,10,Maybe it will.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,11,I’ll try,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1911,depressed,I hated eighth grade.,speaker,12,Wym if this is real,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,speaker,1,I mean I guess that only leaves myself to rely on. 🎉🎉 T_T,0.6597,positive,trusting 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,listener_1,2,carry on。,0.0,neutral,questioning 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,listener_2,3,🎵 **AS THE KINGDOM COME**,0.0,neutral,anticipating 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,listener_3,4,Let’s be friends,0.4767,positive,suggesting 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,speaker,5,"Yoooo, let's do it! ✨",0.3802,positive,anticipating 1912,depressed,No friends? No problems right? ;c,listener_4,6,Let me join!,0.3595,positive,suggesting 1912,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_5,1,"Backstory: I’m from the USA. I lived in London for many years. I was stupid to think moving back to the USA would be good for me, being around family. Boy was I wrong. I have borderline personality disorder, anxiety and depression. So I got a job. Great right? It’s so boring I think about walking out the entire time I’m there. I didn’t think it’d be this bad when I started. I hate every minute I’m there. I’m living with a cousin, her husband and daughter and the pay is so bad I can’t afford anything, literally not one apartment in the area anywhere so how the Fuck am I going to ever move out. At least if it paid well I would tolerate the job, but there’s not one good thing about that hell hole. I have no friends. I can’t drive. I hate this small town. I’m bored all day everyday with my life. I’m totally empty, a shell of a human. I’m sick of suffering. My depression is getting so bad, I’m drowning in it but I have no health insurance yet so I have zero access to a dr. I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m a failure. I want to disappear. I can’t even self harm because there’s a kid in the house and if I get kicked out I’m homeless. I want to go to a hotel, overdose and never wake up. I just needed to vent.",-0.997,negative,ashamed 1912,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_6,2,"Are you able to muster some gratitude for a living space and income? Personally, I made a decision to just be as I am, without constantly comparing myself to an ideal about 'happiness' -which for most of us is an imposed condition. Too bad I still want to live up to those ideals, and start thinking I am complete garbage before gratitude grounds me in reality: ""...this is where you are and that is what you have right now"".",0.8979,positive,content 1912,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_5,3,No I can’t.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 1912,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_5,4,"If I live here, I’ll never be able to travel anywhere ever.",0.0,neutral,lonely 1912,depressed,Don’t know what to do,listener_7,5,"Can imagine it’s difficult to save up quick enough - how did you come to London in the first place? Maybe that’s an idea Either way, in order to move out there’s only two options really: a savings plan or finding a better paying job. It’s not easy to stay positive during those rough times, just having faith it will pay off! Stay strong",0.8953,positive,hopeful 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,1,"Hello, hope you are all doing well. This is actually my first post on Reddit. I've always come to reddit when ever I've needed some advice on a topic, and recently I've been using Reddit for help/advice on how I'm feeling (the title). I found so many of your answers to be helpful and some of them made me feel happier even if they weren't directed at me. I don't actually expect a response from this, I just felt like a place to write all of it down. I'll try to keep this short (no promises). I haven't actually been medically diagnosed with depression, but from just searching up the symptoms and doing online research it sure does seem like it. I'm usually (or at least was) a very happy, outgoing, positive person. People have said that I'm one of the nicest people that they've ever met. One friend literally told me that she had been having a bad day and the moment I walked into the room it was like I was radiating happy energy; which made her feel better. Making people laugh, smile, and happy in general always made me feel better. I'm still this person, but a lot of the time I feel as though this person is ceasing to exist. It's getting harder and harder to stay happy, and to be outgoing; and I don't know why. Sometimes I think ""It's one of those things where the happiest person on the outside is the saddest on the inside."" I've been getting more and more insecure about everything. I used to always overthink, but now I find myself overthinking about everything: ""Am I being weird?"" ""Do my friends actually like me?"". It's even with people on the street: ""That person just looked at me, is there something wrong with me?"". Normally I would talk to my friends (who I love dearly), but again with the overthinking: ""They don't want to hear any of this."" ""They've got better things to do than to hear my problems."" I do understand that they are here for me, but all that physically will stop me from talking to them. Family is the same, I can't really talk to them about this either. I'm worried that all of this will scare and worry them, which again stops me from telling them. When I was 13 ish, my dad had a huge fight with my step mum because of me (I won't get into that because that would make this post way longer than it already is). They would fight a lot, and a lot of the fights were because of me. Anyways, after this fight in particular I went out onto our balcony and climbed over the railing and onto the edge (which was just wide enough for me to stand on). It was there, with my toes hanging off the edge, that I looked straight down 31 floors and thought of jumping. Well, I didn't and I told my dad straight after and he told me to never tell him anything like that again because it scared the shit out of him. Hence my fear of telling my family about my thoughts, I suppose. Woah okay this post is already getting reaaaalllly long. There's so much shit that I can continue going on about, but I'll do a summary (never ever been good at those). Aside from the overthinking and the whole ""I used to be a happy person"" thing, feeling lonely is something that eats away at me everyday. I've been single for 2 years, and during those two years I have not had sex. A lot of my friends are in the cutest relationships with the best people, and as happy as I am for them, (I feel horrible saying this) but I'm also quite jealous (probably another reason why I can't talk to my friends as I can't tell them this). It's been harder and harder to meet new people, especially with me feeling like I am not as outgoing and chirpy as before. And the longer it takes, the harder it gets. This all then sort of combines into this feeling of worthlessness and how everything is pointless. I'm 20 and I have a full time 9-5 office job as a graphic designer. And every day I have a thought somewhere along the lines of ""Is this all worth it?"" ""Where am I going in life?"" ""What's the whole fucking point?"". I think of suicide from time to time, but I will never do it because I don't want to inflict any sadness and hurt on to my friends or family. However I'm worried that the longer it gets the more likely I am to do so. I don't really know where I'm going with this post anymore. I started out with something to say but now it's all become paragraphs of randomness. I guess it's just how I've been feeling and possible reasons to why I'm feeling so? One of the things that I want to do is fix this, and not let it scare me anymore.",0.9973,positive,trusting 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",listener_1,2,"I resonate with this. I understand what you're going through. I wish I had some advice that would magically pull you back into your good place. I dont, but what I will say is every challenge or obstacle is always overcome with time. Please keep going, keep trying and I have faith you'll find that person you once were. And you'll be even stronger, even better than you were.",0.9313,positive,agreeing 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,3,"Thank you for your reply! This is one of the reasons why I love Reddit: there are some really really kind-hearted people on here. I'm feeling alot better than when I wrote the post. I still feel like that but it's just now I'm in a bit more control and I don't feel like it's all gonna implode. It will come back again, and I guess knowing that it will come back is the first step of fighting it.",0.1722,positive,trusting 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,4,"Thank you for your reply and I am so sorry to hear that you can relate. Long distance relationships are horrible, that's how I broke up with my ex before this two year dry spell (and counting, do you reckon there's a spot for me in the Guinness Book of World Records if I reach like 60 years or something? Haha). It always sucks when someone seems to have it better off than you, that's just part of human nature. I reckon find something positive in your life to focus on. If there's nothing yet then I'm sure it'll turn up. Something I find that helps me is I will force myself to look at the positives, because if you only focus on the negatives, well, that is all you'll see. Easier said than done though. No offence and this isn't really my place to say but you need a ""best friend"" that is there to support you no matter what because everyone experiences their situations in different ways. I'm not sure if any of that makes sense, I'm still figuring my way around all this too. It can get real scary sometimes. If you want to talk feel free to shoot me a reply; talking will help me too :)",0.9803,positive,sympathizing 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,5,"Thank you for your reply! I do feel a lot better now, it was one of those moments, as you said, where it was all coming together and pulling me down. That's a great idea actually, having a reminder of how far I've come would make me feel better. I find myself scrolling through old videos of fun times with my mates and it never fails to put a smile on my face. And occasionally some happy tears. &#x200B; It is extra depressing to realize what it has come down to but I reckon the first step to solving the problem is accepting and acknowledging that there is one. I've tried to keep up multiple journals in the past but I lose track of them after about a month and then forget about it for years. I do love graphic design so maybe I could whip up some sort of inspirational poster for myself haha. &#x200B; Your advice was great! Honestly, I was just happy that you replied. Really helps to see that I'm not alone through this. You take care as well :)",0.9953,positive,nostalgic 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,6,"Hi Peter, thanks for your reply. I understand how it feels to be left out, and I'm sorry you had to suffer through all of that. I can only imagine how much of an effect it would have on your life. I'm glad that you are back on the medicine and that you can now live your life without pain. Depression scares the shit out of me, which is why it definitely helps to be able to talk to others who have also experienced it/are currently experiencing it. I hope things for you are going to continue to be smooth sailing from here on out.",0.9088,positive,sympathizing 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",speaker,7,"Hi Peter, thank you for your reply on my post, it is much appreciated! I'm sorry to hear you had to live with lower back pain for 3 years, I can only imagine how much that would affect your life. I'm glad you are back on the pain medicine, and I'm happy to hear that it's helping. Depression scares the shit out of me, but what helps are people talking about their experiences (like this). Hope all continues to get better for you :)",0.9572,positive,sympathizing 1913,depressed,"Feeling empty, different, lonely, worthless, and that everything is pointless.",listener_2,8,Hi Sufficient_Aioli thank you for the kind words. i am glad to recieve your reply. Yeah right now am fine as far as am taking medication but sumtimes it gets really hard to get medicines without prescription but still i manage to keep my self calm in those days and wait untill i recieve my medicine. so what abt you ? how are you now a days. r u taking any medicine ? how are managing with issues,0.6829,positive,questioning 1914,depressed,Does anyone have advise?,speaker,1,"So yea I'm depressed like most people on this subreddit and my girlfriend (ex) recently left me for someone else and then wanted to come back after they broke up and me being the lonly person I am took her back. Except she wouldn't date me for whatever reason. Turns out she was ""in love"" with someone else and lied to me about it. Then a few weeks later when I found out I confronted her and she said it was a mistake and shit. Not even a month later she's cuddling and shit with another guy. Then he started dating someone else and she cut up her arm bad. So I logged on her snap and found pics of them and confronted her about that too. She said it also was a mistake. Then she got her phone taken because her mom found out about the cuts so I gave her one of my spares and she got it taken away and shit But I went to her mom and got it back. She left her messenger app logged on so I could see what she was saying to people and it just further backed the evidence that she likes the other guy. Now I am just watching her sneak out and watch movies with a third guy. He called her baby and she said quiet ik I am and I haven't told her about it yet. What should I do? Also I just found out my friend is cutting and im kinda at an all-time low. Idk what to do at this point. Thanks to anyone that helps I appreciate it",0.1576,positive,angry 1914,depressed,Does anyone have advise?,listener_1,2,"Your friend's health is more important than your current/future relationships, and self-harm cannot be ignored. It's prolly really hard for anyone to narc on her, but someone in authority needs to be told before she really hurts herself.",-0.5359,negative,caring 1914,depressed,Does anyone have advise?,speaker,3,Thank you. I think my ex is in therapy and I still don't know how to approach my friend who's cutting. I don't want to make it awkward and im not that confident but I really want to help him idk how,0.6818,positive,caring 1915,depressed,Ugh...,speaker,1,"Hey. So basically imma say it straight up, my dad did some very bad things. Not like sexual assault or abuse no no no. He was abusive towards pills. That has caused me to be hella depressed. I literally barely speak anymore. We got out of the situation but I barely crack a smile or even chuckle. I just need something to make me laugh or at least make me feel better. All I do all day is eat, listen to music that makes me cry, use the bathroom, sleep, repeat. That’s literally it. If anyone can help it would mean the world.",0.8417,positive,sad 1915,depressed,Ugh...,listener_1,2,Do you have someone to talk to? Seeing a therapist has helped me.,0.0,neutral,questioning 1915,depressed,Ugh...,speaker,3,I don’t. We can’t afford one.,0.0,neutral,lonely 1915,depressed,Ugh...,listener_2,4,I am so sorry. Is there anything you enjoy?,0.3525,positive,sympathizing 1915,depressed,Ugh...,speaker,5,I enjoy music,0.4939,positive,joyful 1915,depressed,Ugh...,listener_3,6,what kinda music u like? i can send u some nice songs if u want,0.6527,positive,questioning 1915,depressed,Ugh...,speaker,7,I like sad music,-0.1531,negative,sad 1915,depressed,Ugh...,listener_3,8,you might like some of these https://open.spotify.com/user/kailei.m/playlist/0B1sbuCNg1i8nh5YcYmFRa?si=y5SD3JUKTQq3nE-sB8POuw or https://open.spotify.com/user/kailei.m/playlist/0KkocPk1JyqfH72ATzX7Ng?si=l2ZUKyJER7qs0SxZKayhAQ,0.4329,positive,suggesting 1915,depressed,Ugh...,speaker,9,Will defiantly listen to them. Thanks,0.4404,positive,faithful 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,speaker,1,"For a bit of context... Im 18, was diagnosed a year ago with major depression... I was actually supposed to go back for some more sessions to determine what else i may have, but my parents dont really believe in depression being a real thing, so after one visit, they had me stop and basically just try to forget that the session even happened. I was there in the first place because i had been getting really bad migraines(i had been told that the illness was beginning to manifest physically due to the extreme stress brought on by some bullying that had been happening in school for some time now) for over 2 weeks already and no painkiller would ease the pain. Im pretty high-functioning and would often project a more positive image to avoid any unwanted attention...but because i know im all things negative and uninteresting, im not really able to make friends... And because of this, ive been bottling up alot of stuff over the years... I just... I wasnt allowed to take meds because, as ive said, my parents dont believe in it and think that the doctors are just trying to get money from us... I just want a friend. :-( i know this is probably gonna get buried but it feels like a small chunk has been lifted off my chest haha if anyone out there is in need of a friend, im up for it.",-0.9564,negative,embarrassed 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,listener_1,2,"I'm not saying you do not have depression. But I believe we can overcome depression upto an extend without meds. Sure it's not as effective but we can always sort of manage things. Because at the end of the day it is our life and our mind. In my own case I've never took meds, and I am mostly moody all the time. But I've found keeping a healthy diet (to make sure our potato brain gets enough good goods) and socializing helps. Just remember that you're only starting your life and soon enough you will be on your own, earning money and living on your own. You will be able to better take care of yourself then. Try to manage yourselves till then and work towards building a good career for yourself. Start conversations in reddit on other subs, my advice is subscribe to good subreddits other than the core subreddits and just start involving yourself in conversations there. r/influenceadvice is a sub I personally really like - it's not the most social or most popular but I've always found their posts to be warm. And whenever you get a conversation going it's always the nicest people. Also r/zenhabits. Try to be social in other subs than subs about depression that's what I'm saying. Good luck dude. Hope I helped. :)",0.9926,positive,grateful 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,speaker,3,Thanks man. Any kind of help is welcome and appreciated,0.8911,positive,acknowledging 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,listener_2,4,"Me too, OP, but don't force it :)",-0.4973,negative,agreeing 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,speaker,5,:( aw thanks guys :--( sweet of yall to say that sofksfkksks,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,listener_3,6,you're loved <3,0.5994,positive,neutral 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,speaker,7,💖💖thank you,0.8225,positive,wishing 1916,depressed,Just want someone to talk to while i sort out myself,listener_4,8,Anytime 💖,0.7506,positive,agreeing 1917,depressed,Hey...,speaker,1,"Hey. My dad visited today. I asked myself the question, “should I confront him?” I did. He reacted with no emotion, no apology, no nothing. He just let it slide past and said “it’s in the past”. So... me wanting to die, is in the past? Me spending all my nights alone crying in my bedroom, is in the past? Me hoping one day I’ll just die in my sleep cuz I’m sick of isolation even if I have friends and family, is in the past? My father coming home and making me have a anxiety attack for just simply unlocking the door, is in the past? I know this is a bit confusing. Here is a backstory. It all started when I was 7. My father got shoulder surgery. He started acting weird. Basically he abused drugs and I bet he is going back after he is done with probation. He told me, “you don’t know what pain is! Your 14!” Oh... okay... guess I don’t know what cutting myself feels like or hearing the words he said as he broke me, my sisters, my brothers, my mothers, hearts. He said “you can’t trust anyone out of the family!” Oh really? I was suppose to trust you..",-0.9525,negative,sad 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,speaker,1,"Alright fellow sadbros, I need some advice. I'm 20, going on 21 this month, and I still don't know what I want to do in my life. And because of that I feel worthless since my family doesn't have a lot of cash and I don't want to be a burden. I don't see myself as someone capable in anything professional, but i still want to be able to get an income out of anything I can do, no matter if I like the job or not. The question isn't about if I'll like it, but rather if I can do it. I honestly feel like a retard when my parents keep comparing me to my sister, who, as they say ""already worked multiple jobs at your age, even if she dropped out of college"". I'm not really good enough at comedy or video games to consider making them my job, the only thing I feel like I'm somewhat good at is writing, but being an Author today is suicide. I thought about taking my own life before, but I'm too much of a coward to do it. Anything you guys can say will be more helpful than my messed up thoughts or my parents' inputs. Go.",0.6362,positive,lonely 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,listener_1,2,Be willing to do tedious work as quickly and accurately as possible for the sake of moving up the ladder.,0.0,neutral,prepared 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,speaker,3,Thanks man. Your reply feels great to see.,0.7906,positive,acknowledging 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,speaker,4,"Romance and Fantasy, that kind of fluff. I'm not a fan of gritty realism and there is no way I'll ever make a fic that makes me sadder than I was before.",-0.4519,negative,sad 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,listener_2,5,Do you have any short stories or drafts yet?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1918,depressed,Feeling worthless,speaker,6,"Sorta. I have an Archiveofourown.org account where I post my WIPs. I'm kinda ashamed though, so I won't be sharing my pen name here.",-0.6296,negative,embarrassed 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,speaker,1,"Can He Write? By Joseph Mohammad Eid Can he write? She asked, Can he do it right? She questions my mind, I am not here for a fight, but What are you saying? I think she is kind Of blind But how can you hide Your feelings behind A smile cause every time I try My emotions just gets combined And my mind rewind While still there is a smile Sorry for going of the track But I am back and Don't think that I might be wrong Cause I am noble as a knight And my past is dark as night Don't worry I won't bite Where are you going? It is just the beginning Of the flight to the Center of my mind But you won't relax Cause the people Like you with their axes Smacking till I had a lack of emotion And before the center You will see a barrier That is made of life positions And there are 7 oceans SAD and LONELY DARK and CRAZY LOST and CREEPY And for last after telling the names of The cast here is the 7th name which can't Be passed That blast ""ME"" Before you ask Let me unmask The star of drama That's true I am the mastermind A sociopath no a psychopath Under the face of a child Who gets denied? Who gets lied? And when he does a flow The adults go wild And when he finds his true power He does not want to unleash his anger So what do you think of me? Can I write ? I wanted to share it with someone I have no friends who would spend their time. I wrote 2 more if you would like",-0.9826,negative,surprised 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,listener_1,2,"I love it. It takes serious balls to put out your writing. I'd like to read the other two you wrote, if you feel inclined to post them",0.7506,positive,impressed 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,speaker,3,I am glad that you liked them and I would put the other two tomorrow thanks,0.8271,positive,grateful 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,speaker,5,Thanks for that,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1919,depressed,First time but I felt depressed and wrote this song I hope you like,speaker,6,Thanks for replying I shall do my best,0.7964,positive,wishing 1920,depressed,I Think I'm Bipolar,speaker,1,"I believe I may be bipolar, and I feel ashamed for it. I change moods so quickly. I've mentioned before how my shitty abusive childhood effects me today, and how anime and cartoons and such can trigger depression for me. Well, I've been doing alright lately. Not good, not horrible. Just alright. But, that's ages better than I usually do. Anyways, I was talking to a few friends of mind, because the three of us were talking and laughing and making jokes as we waited for my our other friend to get on. During this, we brought up Senko-san, that weird wolf loli that's apparently ""800 years old"". Anyways, I made some jokes about it to make my friends laugh (I combat pain and anxiety with humor and wit), but it put me from being alright and having fun to being downright suicidal and wanting to die. I think it's the innocence and near perfection of anime and cartoons and movies and other media like that that triggers it. If I see a pretty girl, it happens. If I see an anime, it happens. Cartoons, movies, some video games. Hell, even when I see simple hentai pop-up adds or hentai in general (though I don't see them for the reasons you may imply). Just seeing innocent, or cute, or just general things like that, it can put me from being in a great mood, to wanting to straight of end my own life. I think I'm bipolar on top of everything else, and it scares me. Makes me feel like an even bigger freak than I am. I don't know what to do. Why can't I just enjoy these things like a normal person? Like I used to be able to? I don't want them to depress me or make me want to die. I don't get it. Why am I such a freak?",0.974,positive,content 1920,depressed,I Think I'm Bipolar,listener_1,2,"You aren't a freak, the mood changes are not your fault trust me",0.2411,positive,agreeing 1920,depressed,I Think I'm Bipolar,speaker,3,"If I could explain, I wouldn't be in this situation. I didn't have a good childhood, so I never got to be innocent. So, my theory is that, anything that connects to innocence, just depresses me. But, I don't know.",-0.078,negative,disappointed 1921,depressed,Yesterday I posted one of my songs and I felt comfortable because of the comments so here is another one,speaker,1,A Devil Lives In ME. By Joseph Mohammad Eid I got language I got knowledge I don't have the voice So I have no choice So I stay quiet Away from the spotlight But I still write In medial of the night You ask me why you cry I am crying on the true hero who die And he was high in the sky Then a nobody takes his place And says That he is the hero But he is actually a zero I' m not a master But after Some people mocked me They don't know me They want to see my anger Cause I am not a good actor I can't hide my feeling Cause I am a normal human being At the End My dear friend Stay away from my land Or you will get banned By my pair hand Now I prefer my demons Over humans Every time I go to bed I have inside me a battle between good and evil I don't have any human left in me Only a Devil lives inside ME,-0.9626,negative,ashamed 1921,depressed,Yesterday I posted one of my songs and I felt comfortable because of the comments so here is another one,listener_1,2,That was amazing!!,0.6579999999999999,positive,acknowledging 1921,depressed,Yesterday I posted one of my songs and I felt comfortable because of the comments so here is another one,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1922,depressed,What is this feeling?,speaker,1,"Hi I'm a preteen and a month or so ago at least every week I felt this feeling of carelessness, not that I felt I was unworthy of something, I just don't care. Simaler to the bored or tired feeling. It started to get more frequent and now I feel it almost daily. My therapist and mom told me that it's probbaly deppression. I really don't know. I wanted to see what you think about it. This is the only place I wanted to talk about it.",-0.8721,negative,apprehensive 1922,depressed,What is this feeling?,listener_1,2,Apathy.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,sad 1922,depressed,What is this feeling?,listener_1,3,I suggest you take up a hard skill that will stick with you through life. Perhaps you can learn how to garden or draw. Setting goals that interest you is a way out.,0.3818,positive,suggesting 1922,depressed,What is this feeling?,speaker,4,Thank you for the advice!,0.4199,positive,wishing 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,speaker,1,"I've had no friends for as long as I can remember and nobody dares to stop so low as to want to date me. At this point even my internet friends are just ignoring me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I have no idea what to do to fix my situation. I feel so alone and trapped, completely lost and have no direction whatsoever. I only see one way out..... Please help me",-0.9448,negative,lonely 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,listener_1,2,Do you have the ability to concentrate on work/school?,0.3182,positive,questioning 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,speaker,3,"I try, buy I never do any good at anything so it all feels super heavy and drags me down",0.2008,positive,disappointed 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,speaker,4,I understand what you're trying to say. It's not weird,0.1326,positive,agreeing 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,speaker,5,Thank you. *hugs back* I always get people telling me it will get better (and it never does) as well as people saying they'll be there if I need someone to talk to (and they never are) so please forgive me if I don't take you up on your offer. I'm just too weak and broken,0.7315,positive,sympathizing 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,listener_2,6,"I completely understand the frustration when people say they will be there but aren't. It won't get better over night but I promise that you'll be so happy you kept fighting for happiness (talking to others, getting out of bed in the morning, having future goals, etc). I'm really in a bad spot right now myself but I find joy in helping others who are also struggling. Stay strong",0.9105,positive,caring 1923,depressed,I feel so alone,speaker,7,I try but it's just so hard. To get out of bed in the morning is incredibly difficult. I'm just dragging myself along at this point,-0.7175,negative,embarrassed 1924,depressed,I have written many song but I really wanted to share this one.,speaker,1,"Don't be afraid if you let out yourself. Don't be afraid, they're not themselves. Forget your hell, it's not worthy of the day. ooooh, it's not worthy of the day. It makes me happy to know you exist. To have you here and every little bit. And when the clouds dissolve to grey. I'll be happy to say, I'm here for you. This is not a song. This is a note, for me and you. To remind ourselves. Someone's here for you. Don't be afraid if you let out yourself. Don't be afraid, they're not themselves. Forget your hell, it's not worthy of the day. oooooh,forget your hell it's not worthy of the day. And when the clouds dizzolve to grey, I'll be happy to say, I'm here for you. &#x200B; I wrote this for me and you",-0.8622,negative,joyful 1924,depressed,I have written many song but I really wanted to share this one.,listener_1,2,"I love it. Keep writing, you've got something special.",0.7845,positive,impressed 1924,depressed,I have written many song but I really wanted to share this one.,speaker,3,"Yes, but I do not have good quality",-0.3091,negative,ashamed 1924,depressed,I have written many song but I really wanted to share this one.,speaker,4,I'm thinking more about using piano with it instead of guitar.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 1924,depressed,I have written many song but I really wanted to share this one.,listener_2,5,Nice. Very well written. Keep up the good work!,0.8118,positive,acknowledging 1925,depressed,How do I go about fixing myself?,speaker,1,"Throwaway account I'm completely alone or at least I sure feel like it. The only people I ever interact with live on the other side of a screen on the other side of the country, and I can't ever meet new people. The ones I do meet never seem to want to meet me again. Now that school is over, I've got nothing to focus on, so these feelings are hitting me harder than ever. I hate that I can't find social activity, and I hate myself for not being good enough to interact with others, let alone find someone else to bond with. How do I fix myself? How do I overcome this feeling before it's too late? Because it seems like there's no way out of the slump I'm finding myself in.",-0.8383,negative,lonely 1925,depressed,How do I go about fixing myself?,listener_1,2,I've been sleeping it off for a year. I can tell you it doesn't work... at all,0.0,neutral,ashamed 1925,depressed,How do I go about fixing myself?,speaker,3,"Yeah, already figured that part out",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 1926,depressed,How do I help myself?,speaker,1,"So I just have some questions. (this is my first time using reddit so I don’t know what to do so here it goes) I hate coming home from school. School, although tough, it’s a safe haven for me but whenever I have to get onto the bus to go back home I feel so unbearably depressed and scared to come home. You see, I’m sixteen and live with my grandparents (which I never wanted to do in the first place, although I do love them) they are very controlling and I’m pretty much terrified of them sometimes. I can’t have food in my room or else consequences arise (which I can understand) but my grandfather won’t even allow me to have water in my room. Last time I had a water bottle in my room he yelled at me. It just doesn’t make sense to me, am I in the wrong? Do other parents do this? It’s come to the point where I stay in my room all day so that I don’t have to be around them, they are retired so I never get any alone time and it honest sucks. It’s just that they always have to tell me what to do... like I’m not my own person, and it’s everyday. They tell me step by step on everyday things that I know how to do and if I don’t do it their way or make a tiny mistake they get angry at me. Like whenever I cook and accidentally mix up something my grandma will call me stupid and other insults, and it’s not in a joking way. I just feel like I can’t mess up at all. I feel trapped. I used to cry everyday when I came home because I just didn’t want to be here. Am I just overreacting? I can’t be upset over something or else I’ll get yelled at like a day ago whenever my grandma said I could stay the night at my moms because my mom moved in with her boyfriend, I was upset but I didn’t say anything (because I’m too scared to) and responded with a “Mmm.” You know, a sad mumble. She yelled at me and started on her usual ramble that goes like this, (I’ve become so used to it I know what she’ll say before she says it) You know it’s not my fault she did this, I’m trying my best, you shouldn’t treat me this way, I do so much shit for you and you don’t even think about me or anyone else, you’re so selfish all you think about is yourself, you know I cleaned all of the kitchen today even though I hurt like hell and you don’t do anything. (I cleaned the dishes almost all that week, and did the laundry all that week) she’ll then continue on and then tell me to apologize. I always apologize. We then don’t talk and then after 10 or so minutes she’ll come back and yell at me some more. This time it was a new one, “You know I think you’re an asshole.” And then she’ll continue, she usually starts with an insult. I feel so emotionally drained I don’t even wanna give my opinion anymore. I just don’t care. She gets angry at even the smallest mistakes (well what she deems mistakes). I wish I could read minds so I won’t get in trouble again because I’ll cry for a few hours after words. I’m starting to hate her personality because of this. Is their something wrong with me for hating it? I also don’t like spending time with her anymore. Is that wrong? Am I just crazy? Is this normal? I feel really numb every time she yells at me and I’ve come to a point where I just don’t even care about myself and believe everything she tells me. I just really want to ask, how do I make myself feel better? Therapy is not an option, I’ve contacted a therapist online but that required money and the last one I checked out, didn’t even bother responding to me back. I’m sorry but I just don’t want to talk to one right now, I just don’t trust them at the moment. I talked to family but they just keep telling me it’s because she’s old and that I can get through it but I’m really not that strong. (I really wonder if I’m just being a wimp and should just get over it) I’m coming close to my breaking point. I really just want to run away right now, I’ve been planning on when and how but don’t worry I don’t think I’ll do it any time soon. I just keep reminding myself I have 1 more year of school and then I’m gone, my junior year is just about to end. I’ve tried talking to friends but they get all weird and brush it aside, they just don’t understand. I want someone to talk to, but no one really listens so I’ve given up on that. Can anyone give me an ideas on trying to make myself feel better without all of these options. I kinda just wanna feel happy again and get over when my grandma and grandpa yells at me so can anyone give me tips on how to get out of a depressed state after an argument? I’m sorry if this was long.",-0.9978,negative,apprehensive 1926,depressed,How do I help myself?,listener_1,2,Emotionally abusive. They need to stop. They seem entitled and very harsh.,-0.8173,negative,angry 1926,depressed,How do I help myself?,speaker,3,"Yeah, I’ve asked them to stop but they just get angry.",-0.6652,negative,neutral 1926,depressed,How do I help myself?,speaker,4,Thank you so much for the reply. I’ve tried many times to confront them but it only turns into a quarrel. I’ve been feeling a lot down lately and I just wanted to get it out there. Thank you so much for your words and kindness. I’ll try my best.,0.9451,positive,grateful 1927,depressed,I hate this world.,speaker,1,"I hate this world. I hate my life. My feelings get worse as the years go on. Nobody understands. I pray for my own death almost everyday. Even when I feel the slightest of joy the bad feelings are still there in the back of my mind waiting to come out again and play. I hate myself for being like this. I’m probably mentally ill. These feelings, these thoughts, cannot be normal. I just REALLY hate this world.",-0.9644,negative,sad 1927,depressed,I hate this world.,listener_1,2,"Hey homie, Sounds like you are right in your assessment that you’re mentally ill. Sounds like atypical major depressive disorder, which is what I got. My recommendations, in order of effectiveness that I’ve tried: therapy, which is an absolute necessity as our depressed brains trick your brainwaves into making you feel terrible, however you can influence this through talk therapy due to nueroplasticity; a rigorous exercise routine - the point is to release the endorphins your body produces in response to hard physical activity; get a dog, you might hate yourself and want to die, but puppy wants you to live and depends on you being alive to take care of them; reach out to your family and friends, it’s important to have a support group, and if you’re lucky when you open up to someone you might find they are worse off than you, which always encourages me. Hang in there internet stranger. It does get better, but only if YOU take the steps to actually make improvements. Depressions like a broken leg, if you just ignore it and keep walking on it you’ll only fuck yourself over. Gotta ignore the constant agonizing despair and do the little things that help, like walking the dog or hitting the elliptical. Good luck, don’t give up",0.773,positive,agreeing 1927,depressed,I hate this world.,listener_2,3,Ratio-mantras; sounds good to me. Probability Mantra (sci/fi novel)...open-source title.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",speaker,1,"I bought a pair of shoes for about 200$ and my dog ruined the back of them. I am so mad. I honestly thought I was dreaming. I hate this dog, she has ruined so many other things of mine and others, including another pair of shoes. No matter how much I beg, my mom wont get rid of her. I dont even know how to describe my feeling right now.",-0.8841,negative,furious 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,2,Dogs are more important that shoes. Dogs have feelings and are alive. This dog probably likes you and wants to make you happy.,0.8805,positive,sentimental 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",speaker,3,"Even if the dog likes me, I dont like it, I genuinely hope the dog dies.",0.5559,positive,hopeful 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,4,"mmm. well you're probably young and dumb, which is why you care so much about a pair of shoes. You probably think that they are making you happy via some status or goal attainment or satisfaction at aquisition. But most people will consider the dog is more valuable than the shoes, and I recommend you focus on the love the dog will give you, rather than the ephemeral value of a shoe.",0.9703,positive,neutral 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_2,5,Let's be peace... But the world doesn't work like that.,-0.1065,negative,consoling 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",speaker,6,"No, I care about them so much because my family does not have the money to buy me a new pair, and I worked MONTHS in order to buy them, they were 200 dollars.",0.4939,positive,caring 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,7,"I posted in your picture about the shoes. They don't look so bad, but there are things you can do to improve them. See how you feel tomorrow. Its frustrating to have something you like ruined. IT IS, and I'm not denying that. But I think you will feel better after the initial anger and disappointment passes.",-0.8290000000000001,negative,sad 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,8,"I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to steer you in a more productive direction. You seem like a hardworking person that focuses on his goals. That's great. So focus yourself on things that are more likely to pay happiness dividends - relationships, meaningful work, helping people... Not the false gods of consumption. It is a dead end. A long, hard, dead, end.",0.4654,positive,proud 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,9,"Yeah. I get it. But that was not a great choice in a house with a dog that chews things. And not a great way to spend months of your work, even if they did stay unchewed.",-0.8512,negative,neutral 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,10,"We all have choices right? It does suck to have something ruined. He needs a day to process it. But then I hope he realises that buying shit is a waste of his time and will not help him feel better at all. I hope he has access to the things that will make him feel better: friends, family, pets, goals, people that support him",0.8629,positive,sad 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_2,11,"yes. you're right. but is annoying to get your things destroyed by your dog. my dog is well educated, she don't destroy things, but i can understand how is to happen that to someone.",-0.1469,negative,neutral 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",speaker,12," I try, but my mom gets upset when I put her in her crate or outside",-0.5267,negative,caring 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_3,13,"Thats not training! If you really put in an effort Im 100% positive the dog will become your best friend. You should watch ""Its me or the dog"" on youtube.",0.906,positive,trusting 1928,depressed,"My dogs tore up my shoes I worked months for, and im depressed.",listener_1,14,Yes. I was not empathetic enough. I hope he accepts my apologies.,0.685,positive,ashamed 1929,depressed,Sad,speaker,1,"How do people just forget about you, then just leave you. And you are just there feeling depressed and trying all your best to try making things better, to put them like they were. Its been a hard time for me, to keep her off my mind, i still feel the same way i felt when i was with her. Why is love like this?",0.9001,positive,questioning 1929,depressed,Sad,listener_1,2,Wow. This is exactly how I feel right now.,0.5859,positive,agreeing 1929,depressed,Sad,speaker,3,I know,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1929,depressed,Sad,speaker,4,Who are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1929,depressed,Sad,listener_2,5,Pleae put all of your comments in one field rather than commenting on the main post over and over again.,0.0,neutral,questioning 1930,depressed,Hello,speaker,1,Ok hi. Im a 19y/o F and Noone is probably gonna see this beacuse somehow i am always invisible. I want to talk about my life and the stuff im dealing with. Well at least i try. I more or less stay quite about my mental heath around other people including my gf. Just beacuse everytime i want to say something everybody ignores me or just doesn't say anything back. No help or advice just a different topic or silence. I always was a really introverted but troubled child. I had anger issues in school beacuse of the abuse i sufferd at home till the age of 17. But ive changed so much in the last 3 years. So so much. But the anxiety and depression keep following me.. Not so much than before but i do have really bad days where i want to self harm again but i wont let myself to do so. So yeah just a little venting. Thanks if you read this. Have a nice day or night and stay positive.. <3,-0.9567,negative,lonely 1930,depressed,Hello,listener_1,2,Honey I feel you. I am absolutely invisible. I make jokes or comments and its as if nothing had even made a noise. I hate it so much.,-0.4019,negative,embarrassed 1930,depressed,Hello,speaker,3,Right?? You try to tell someone how you feel and when you get ignored it just burn through your sould and just makes u even sadder,-0.7236,negative,sad 1930,depressed,Hello,speaker,4,Awww <3 giving u a big ass internet hug cuz u deserve one,0.25,positive,neutral 1930,depressed,Hello,speaker,5,All the love ♥️,0.8555,positive,wishing 1930,depressed,Hello,listener_2,6,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 1930,depressed,Hello,speaker,7,Thank you<3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1931,depressed,Scared to Tell Anyone That I am having Suicidal Thoughts,speaker,1,"I have had a rough couple months due to medical issues, my life has been pretty much thrown way off track. I have been struggling but got help from my doc and got myself a therapist. I am on zoloft and doing therapy every two weeks but I have a hard time talking about the things that are really bothering me either with my doctor or therapist. There are days where I just don't want to be here anymore and times when I really want to do something about it, although I have never gotten to the point of actually doing something(Only tried once many many years ago). I feel like if I were to talk about this that they would call someone or put me somewhere... I really don't want my family or boyfriend to know what I am going through, I am not comfortable talking with them about my mental health(or any health related matters really) and my boyfriend gets extremely upset if I talk about suicidal thoughts. Has anyone had success when talking to their counselor or doctor about suicidal thoughts? I just don't want any action to be taken if I really tell them whats going on but I feel really alone about it and want to talk about it.",-0.9528,negative,sad 1931,depressed,Scared to Tell Anyone That I am having Suicidal Thoughts,listener_1,2,The therapy won't work if you don't put yourself all in. Those feelings really drain on the mind. I've don't therapy for about 13 sessions so far. I think it saved my life. Everything seems to lead back to inner child. I don't wanna go into it but there are some good YouTube explanations. I like Wu Wai wisdom. And also lots of other people can relate to this feeling. YouTube has been helpful with finding hope and help with depression. Take care of yourself.,0.9774,positive,grateful 1931,depressed,Scared to Tell Anyone That I am having Suicidal Thoughts,speaker,3,"Il look those youtube videos up, thanks! I think i may have issues with my counsellor, I don't get much advice from her as to figuring things out she just gets me to talk for 50mins straight and I don't get much feedback. Is therapy that way for you or is it different?",0.6239,positive,questioning 1931,depressed,Scared to Tell Anyone That I am having Suicidal Thoughts,speaker,4,Yea I think I have to find a different counsellor because I don't feel as though I am getting enough help with my issues. I usually come out of my therapy sessions feeling pretty bad and that continues for the rest of rhe week. Thank you for your insight and thank you for your compassion.,0.872,positive,grateful 1932,depressed,Everyone thinks I’m depressed,speaker,1,"I don’t think i’m depressed and that i’m just sad but lately those sad periods have gotten worse and longer but like waaaay worse and longer. My teachers think i’m depressed because i cut in both my cheeks and my left forearm and wrist. They want to confront my mom with it but I would rather want them to mind their own business since my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer for the 2nd time in 3 years and I most definitely don’t want her to be worrying about me. I’m still quite young and grew up in a beautiful house with a lovely mom and sister with enough cash to come around and my grades have never been the best but they aren’t bad and sometimes I am super happy but as mentioned I do have these periods where I just cry and stare at the sky for like 2 hours. About a month ago these would happen once a month for 15 minutes but now these periods are happening like 3-4 times a week. Thanks in advance! Ps: Sorry for spelling mistakes, I’m a 15 year old from Belgium so English isn’t my main nor second language",-0.8795,negative,annoyed 1932,depressed,Everyone thinks I’m depressed,listener_1,2,"I hate it when people outside of my family butt in my personal matter. Please try to give as much happiness to your mother as you can. Try spending as much time with her as you can. It's truly unfair what happened to your mother. This world it just cruel but we have to accept it. Because there are good things too. Like dream's, love, family and many more. So don't lose hope. If you do you will lose yourself. Wish you a happy life☺️",0.9792,positive,faithful 1932,depressed,Everyone thinks I’m depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you very much. I know it’s not really nice of me to answer you 29 days later but after the post I decided to go offline for a while, eventually turning in to almost a month because of exams. Me and my household have been doing way better and especially my mother, I think vacation is needed for alot of us. But thank you alot for the wise words kind stranger and I wish you and your loved ones the best of luck ❤️ Greetings from Belgium",0.9909,positive,wishing 1933,depressed,Sometimes life just sucks,speaker,1,"I was browsing some job sites, looking for a second job because 40-50 hrs a week is barely putting a roof over my head. Found an ad from a city around 6 hours away, from a company I love and really would want to work for. I applied thinking ""what the hell"", was contacted the next day via phone and actually hired on the spot. I got really excited because the town I live in, that I grew up in is getting extremely hard to enjoy. I actually tried to kill myself 2 months ago with drugs, almost succeeded but my friend found me, called 911 and here I am. I've really been trying to turn my life around and not just fucking hate it, and this opportunity seemed almost like a gift for my progress. I'm 2 months sober now, but for what? So I can sit by myself in my house with no friends and cry? I was told I can take a full month to relocate there and will be added to the company as soon as I move to town. It's been 2 weeks, I've applied at every apartment complex, rental agency, etc. Spent over $300 on multiple applications and turned down on every single one because even working full time at this new job that would be paying me almost double what I'm currently getting, I can't afford a studio apartment there because the market is so blown out of proportion, you will be homeless if you don't make over 70k a year. All the artificial happiness I got from that phone interview has turned into a black hole of depression, once again. I thought maybe this is my ticket to finding some sort of happiness, but instead it's just been a kick in the teeth. I put in my two weeks at work and have to go beg for my underpaying job in this shithole of a city tomorrow as well as beg my landlord to continue renting to me, as I won't be moving now. Fuck life, why the fuck does it build you up just to blow the whole building up? There's perception in deception but all I've perceived is the same thing I always have, life fucking sucks. It sucks. I can't even enjoy something good because I know the pendulum is gonna swing back to something equally as bad. I'm terrified to even try anything new as I just end up more upset and depressed after I fail. I'm tired of failing. I just want to be happy. Sometimes I wonder if it's this house, this town that I really want to escape, or is it just my own fucking head I want out of?",-0.9732,negative,excited 1933,depressed,Sometimes life just sucks,listener_1,2,What about sharing a place with a roommate? I say try to find a way to take that job.,0.4215,positive,suggesting 1933,depressed,Sometimes life just sucks,speaker,3,"I would do that, certainly, but I have 2 dogs as well and don't know anybody there. I've reached out on Craigslist for renting a room but can't find anybody who will let me bring my dogs. I still have 2 more weeks to keep trying but I'm seriously discouraged because ive tried everything I've been able to think of.",-0.1655,negative,disappointed 1933,depressed,I need help,listener_2,1, I'm seriously losing my mind I need inpatient hospitalization . I'm having a complete codependent breakdown. I can't go to the hospital. My cat has cancer and had surgery Thursday. I live alone and work for myself. I can't afford life with working six days a week. Not working would just add more stress to my life. This April Marie I have noone here in this city except my bf (ex) who has completely lost it due to heavy drug use. I'm NoT metally capable of dealing with a drug addict making me question myself. And I'm not mentally capable of detatching .,-0.9569,negative,lonely 1933,depressed,I need help,listener_3,2,"Poor thing, you seem overstressed. I hope you find your peace soon. Meanwhile, Keep FIGHTING because one day it'll all be worth it, I am sure of it. Best wishes to you and your cat!",0.8541,positive,wishing 1933,depressed,I need help,listener_2,3,I just talked to my mother,0.0,neutral,joyful 1933,depressed,I need help,listener_4,4,Thats really good. You should really try to focus on yourself for a while. Seeing professionals and taking care of yourself and all that.,0.7501,positive,acknowledging 1934,depressed,Depression is a Tunnel That ALWAYS has a LIGHT at the End.,speaker,1,"You don't need much to realize how symbolic that is to anyone who has escaped it constantly, and it is good to look at it like that if you dive deeper into it by thinking about it.",0.6597,positive,sentimental 1934,depressed,Depression is a Tunnel That ALWAYS has a LIGHT at the End.,listener_1,2,I call bullshit.,-0.5859,negative,ashamed 1934,depressed,Depression is a Tunnel That ALWAYS has a LIGHT at the End.,speaker,3,its called look for it.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1934,depressed,Depression is a Tunnel That ALWAYS has a LIGHT at the End.,speaker,4,its called look for it.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1935,depressed,Being depressed is fun,speaker,1,"I’m in a depressive cycle that I can’t get out of and I need someone to talk to and there’s no one, so that’s great. I’ve also realized that I don’t think I have the ability to love anyone outside of maybe my mother and my nephew, so that’s also fun. So there’s that, hows y’alls day goin?",0.892,positive,lonely 1935,depressed,Being depressed is fun,speaker,2,"Also just realized I probably shouldn’t have posted on this thread because I feel like people are gonna say “oh she’s not depressed she’s just sAd”, which ain’t true, but I apologize anyways",0.625,positive,ashamed 1935,depressed,Being depressed is fun,speaker,3,"no I totally think that being severely depressed and having a meltdown out of nowhere almost every single day for the past like 4 years is genuinely fun, I tried to make it more “light hearted” as a horrible attempt at trying to make myself not go into full breakdown and hold myself from doing anything.",-0.7351,negative,agreeing 1935,depressed,Being depressed is fun,listener_1,4,Alright; good to know.,0.5994,positive,acknowledging 1936,depressed,:'(,speaker,1,"Literally losing everyone, I actually feel numb and empty and it's worse then any feeling I've ever felt",-0.8126,negative,lonely 1936,depressed,:'(,listener_1,2,What's going on friend?,0.4939,positive,questioning 1936,depressed,:'(,speaker,3,I just feel alone,-0.25,negative,lonely 1936,depressed,:'(,speaker,4,Thank you so much I love it,0.7884,positive,grateful 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,speaker,1,"I've officially come to the conclusion that I'm not going to live a happy life, I can't, I can't be happy, I can't beat this, I can't meet new people and act like a normal teenager, I can't do anything normally....I feel like most people on this Earth are afraid of dying, Ive never welcomed anything more, I don't want this life i was given, I wish I could trade places with somebody who left behind kids or family prematurely because I don't need my life, they do, they left behind everything, I have nothing, nothing in my future is looking promising, I feel so empty inside, I'm sick of hearing ""gets better bro I swear, just give it time"" why do people act like they care for the extent of time it takes them to type their message and then after that they don't give a fuck? This isn't an S.O.S signal....I guess I just felt like I wanted at least one person to know how I felt, if I wasn't such a pussy I'd get cross faded and put a .223 through my head but just like everything else in my life I cant...I'm a lost soul, and I don't know what to do anymore...",0.8240000000000001,positive,sad 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,listener_1,2,When was the last time you felt happy?,0.5719,positive,questioning 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,listener_2,3,Uff. Just reading your question I realized I don't even remember. Damn.,0.3089,positive,embarrassed 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,speaker,4,I don't know to be honest,0.5106,positive,apprehensive 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,listener_1,5,"I feel this way a lot. One thing that I've always enjoyed is learning Spanish. I'm gonna work one more year in the US to save up and I'm gonna start looking for a teaching English job in Bogotá Colombia. I think the ""thrill of the chase"" from our ancestors' lives is missing from our lives. We do boring, monotonous things everyday and maybe you just need to find that crazy thing that you have dreamt of doing and do it. It'll be scary but I think our brains thrive under new pressures.",-0.4588,negative,hopeful 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,listener_3,6,I love this idea. This would make a great retirement.,0.8519,positive,joyful 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,listener_1,7,I'm not sure Bogota is the best place to retire. It's cheap and relatively safe but you would need a support system.,0.7663,positive,apprehensive 1937,depressed,Not afraid of dying....afraid of living,speaker,8,I was thinking about picking it up just to speed up the process as well,0.2732,positive,suggesting 1938,depressed,Idk what to do anymore,speaker,1,I feel like I’m always a burden no matter what. And even though people tell me to talk I feel like I annoy them. Because I constantly want to kill myself. I hate how the world and my country is (in USA dealing with abortion crap it’s annoying. Knowing women go through this in the land of the “free”) and I can’t take it anymore at all.,-0.9357,negative,annoyed 1938,depressed,Idk what to do anymore,listener_1,2,"Hey, it's alright your not a burden. I know how you feel because I myself think that way as well. It's alright I don't know what your going through, but a little talking and listening wouldn't hurt. So please don't think that way people say your not a burden and the mean it. They wouldn't say it just to say it. But if you want me to keep talking to you let me know. We all could use a friend to talk to.",0.9626,positive,agreeing 1938,depressed,Idk what to do anymore,listener_2,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 1939,depressed,Feeling,speaker,1,"This has never been me, it’s just something that is new to me. I really don’t know what it is or why I feel this way. Just down and can’t seem to shake this feeling.",-0.0194,neutral,sad 1939,depressed,Feeling,listener_1,2,"You're not alone. It's weird, isn't it? How you can go from this feeling of normality to feeling... like this. I never thought psychologists and all that were for me, my mum told me it was for 'crazy people'. Wish I ignored her sooner!",0.634,positive,surprised 1939,depressed,Feeling,speaker,3,"Yes definitely weird, I did feel out of my comfort zone. It was hard to accept in thinking that I was depressed when I feel that I have nothing to be for it. I’m definitely learning more and more about depression. I thank you for your unsure and reply.",0.5141,positive,agreeing 1939,depressed,Suicidal,listener_2,1,I don’t know what to do. I’m lost and empty and have no sense of direction. I feel more content feeling like ending it rather than living on. I’m too tired.,-0.5658,negative,lonely 1939,depressed,Suicidal,listener_3,2,How are you now...2 hours later.,0.0,neutral,questioning 1939,depressed,Suicidal,listener_2,3,Still the same sadly,-0.4215,negative,sad 1939,depressed,Suicidal,listener_2,4,Thank you <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 1939,depressed,Suicidal,listener_4,5,"I’m so sorry life is going down this spiral. Those are very traumatic events you mentioned. Are you able to seek therapy? Or have a family or friend to talk to? In these kinds of times, one needs not go through it alone.",-0.5784,negative,sympathizing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,1,"I really need to tell this to someone as i don't have who to talk that with. So..I met a girl nearly 5 year ago on a game. Idk i was like 13 and she was 1 year younger than me.We were from the same country but shd was staying 100 or more km away from me so yeah.. I was wondering if i could met her in real life,you know just like kids playing outside and talking about the game we were playing no other intentions we were inocent. After one year of playing that game i had the courage to ask her facebook,she looked grate,perfect.. We played that game less and started to talk a lot on mess,like a lot and by that i mean all day we were never getting bored of talking. She was my best friend..waking and going to sleep with a specific message(Morning!,Gn!) We were talking about every thing possible and imposible,it was amazing.. Best person i ever met. One year ago we had the courage to finally met in real life the funny part is that she came to me,by train with two of her friends(also girls) I was waiting her in the train station and my hart was going mad,i thought i will faint when i will see her getting down. After the train arrived i was searching her with my sight as i was afraid to move. I saw her,I started to smile, she was kinda running at me..she hugged me,i was surprised and then i started to hug her too.(goal acomplished:))] We talked a little and then i led them to the exit,going to the bus station as they wanted to go to the City Mall. *as a side thing*- i didn't really like that she brought her friends too but meh and as we were walking to the bus station there was silence,complete awkward silence,4 persons and not a word.That's because we were super shy.*done* I stayed with her on the bus.Her two friend took other seats. Arriving to the mall,her friends left me and her alone to talk.We had like an hour to stay.I and her struggled to find topics to talk about as we were *again* shy. We went to the upper floor of the mall because there were tables. We found a corner where were a few people on the tables. We took two drinks so it isn't that awkward. We talked,i was wondering if she will kiss me(it never happend in 5 yeras..).We were happy. It was time to go( i don t remember that day too well from her)i led them to the bus station(there was still time to stay with them ,idk why but i had to go home,1 hour till the train was arriving) I took the bus to go home and they took the bus to a park and waited till they had to go to the train. Oh yeah,she hugged me again before going in the bus. K,that was the best day since i met her.After that day..we talked less and less.Our thing was fading.. Finally i asked her if she wants to be with..and she said no and told me that she's already with someone.(Untill now..i was a very bright and positive person,nearly nothing could make me sad) I was like ""ok ok"" nothing more,no cruel words or sth but just a dull reaction.She aplogized and told me that she was expecting to ask her that,she also told me that this won't work because of the disctance.Me""alright,i understand..""(inside i was dead at that momemt..but somehow i didn't cry) From there i stopped texting to her nearly entirely..i did't want this to end.It was inevitable.(i have so many thoughts idk what to write next) I was texting her rarely like ""hey how u doing?"" (I am becoming a painter)showing her what i drew,a liitle talk and done. I spoke with a friend about this and he got it wrong.The day after he asked her why she left me and other stupid things(dude i never was with her). She got mad and felt awkward(she shown the convesation with my friend) i tried to apologize, she didn't even opend the mess conversation, so the last text from me is ""Sorry for everything""(this sentence says a lot of things,for me). I think five months passed since then and now i am..super depressed and i miss her soo much.Every single fucking day i think about her. Now i wish i never met her,i wish i never played that stupid game i just want her out of my mind. It's driving me insane,when i get out of school( im 11 grade) i am sometimes redoing the road from the train station to the bus station so i can remember the good times..(i am sure this isn t normal). Um okay thats the summary of my everlasting sadness. How do i forget her? Should i delet every single thing that i have about her from the social media?(i unfriended her,surprisingly to unfriend her was harder then i expected) Should i send her a short text with ""Sup'?"" and hope to reply? *I am an idiot,and sorry for wasting your time reader,probably no one will read or care bout this so yeah.Also sorry for my probably bad English it is not my native language.I hope she never somehow gets to see this.*",0.9982,positive,apprehensive 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,2,I thought i was going to be somehow relieved to write this somewhere.It kinda worked.Idk...,0.3818,positive,surprised 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,3,"Hey hey, you'll be alright. Relationships at this age usually never last and should be used as learning experiences for future relationships. I totally understand how you feel about this, and its completely relatable. If you could get with a girl, you can get with another one. And eventually, you will find the one that means the most to you, and it'll develop further.",0.25,positive,agreeing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,4,Idk i hope i will get over that this summer otherwise it will ruin it,-0.3182,negative,consoling 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,5,"I am just a normal guy not a fucking douchebag. I am nice,i am funny,i am kind,rescpectuous.I am O. K.",0.5325,positive,content 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,6,"Thank you man,I am just in shock..I wasted 5 years caring about someone and listening to she's thoughts and helping her and all.I don't say she wasn't carrying about me too.Bth im 17 if u didn't understand from the story(just sayn,it is not meant to tease u).I had the longest relationship of my friends and now, they have someone and when I see them makes me hate myself for not being able to maintain mine. It is wrong to blame myself ,but idk ,maybe i ruined the thing too. I grew soo attached to her,she was making part of my life... (I am just saying what i am thinking bcs i don't have someone else) Sorry",-0.752,negative,ashamed 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_2,7,"It is not a waste of time to have had a friend, even if that friendship withered away. Please don’t be that boy that hates a girl if she doesn’t “love” him back. You don’t want to be that bitter guy that doesn’t know how to have female friendships.",0.7865,positive,sad 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,8,"Yeah, its really hard to lose someone that close to you, but it isnt something you should hate yourself for, its something I do and it isnt healthy. Relationships can wither and hold together from time to time, but I can guarantee you that one day you will form a relationship and realise that person is *the one*.",-0.8001,negative,neutral 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,9,"I hope bcs now,my levels of happines and other good things are 0. I think just crying helps me now.",0.6486,positive,consoling 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,10,"Yeah, just do your best to learn from it but don't take it personally. Im sure youre a really nice and trustworthy guy and can do so much. Its somethijf we all go through as humans at some point or another, and you have the resilience to get through it. Good luck in future relationships, and you will eventually find the love of your life.",0.9852,positive,wishing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,11,Yeah..you are right. Can't believe I am here on Reddit doing this.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,12,"Okay, do what you think might be best for you, but please, don't shut yourself in your house or whatever. That only makes it worse. Just go outside or to the gym and other places often and you will feel better. Remember, time heals all wounds, and this is a cut. It takes time, but it will seal eventually.",0.4678,positive,consoling 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,13,"Does it matter if i go outside alone?Just stayn' on a bench and listening to my favourite music? Oh yeah,I found a new hobby,singing.(i already draw) But i like it even if look and sound like an idiot.",0.3527,positive,content 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,14,"It doesnt matter what you do outside, but i would advise you to go with someone else. You should also take out the earbuds or headphones and just watch and listen to people as they pass. It also doesnt matter if you are good or bad at your hobbies, its good just as long as you enjoy doing them.",0.7965,positive,neutral 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,15,Thank you and succes in your relationship. I don't think I and her will ever talk again. Have a nice day.,0.6486,positive,wishing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,16,"Ook,I will try to never be alone,but i will keep the music while no friend is around. Drawing will be my life about.",-0.3875,negative,lonely 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_3,17,"Thank you. The relationship between me and her isn't what it used to be in the past, but I also can't say it's worse. &#x200B; As for you, if you don't talk with her again, I really hope you find someone who can fill the void left. Good luck on your journey, and remember what I sent up there: this will heal with time.",0.9533,positive,wishing 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_1,18,"Okay! Just try to watch people go by and see what they do, and take examples from them to see how you can make more friends by using those examples.",0.6793,positive,suggesting 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,listener_4,19,"I think you should keep it. One day, after you get over her, you’ll look back not with sorrow about how she left you, but appreciation for all the good times you had together. The bad things will always fade, even if it seems like it will be there forever.",0.8266,positive,sentimental 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,20,I will never forget what you said as i am already boosting my mood.,0.4707,positive,acknowledging 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,21,Ok..,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1940,depressed,Just..talk to me..,speaker,22,"Yeye i know,I'am overthinking things and creating paths of what should have done and what should i do now. I wanted to delet that conversation because it was makeing me sad(that is the first nigh when i fell asleep kinda happy and woke up happy ready to start the day) I just want her to be happy. Idk why she ""left"" me(we weren't together but veeery close friends) i think i wrote in the story about the ""distance"" but cmon i could take the train and arrive where she was on a cheap price and in a short time. *IT doesn't metter anymore* I think i know to maintain a relationship(5 years) Well that is the last i had in 5 months.",0.9325,positive,sad 1941,depressed,Why does no one care about me???,speaker,1,"If I had just one person who cared it would be so much better. At this point im too sad to even seem sad, my head just feels like static and once it leaves I can't do anything but cry. No one cares I just want someone who cares about me I don't understand why no one likes me :(",-0.8624,negative,lonely 1942,depressed,I guess I need to keep my mouth shut about my depression,speaker,1,"I was sharing with a friend who I thought would be supportive regarding my recent bout with depression. She claimed she has ""cured"" her depression by diet and exercise and getting rid of toxins in her body. We've talked about this before, but today she seemed impatient with me because I am not following her protocol. While I know diet and exercise are helpful, I find it hard to believe that they will always cure depression. And when it comes to toxins, that's what our livers and kidneys are for. While I believe strongly in natural remedies, I also believe in science. Has anyone had success treating your depression only with diet /exercise?",-0.2617,negative,apprehensive 1942,depressed,I guess I need to keep my mouth shut about my depression,listener_1,2,"Yes, but I don't expect to be cured, nor have I been 100% healthy since birth. Walking is really helpful; no doubt about it.",0.9188,positive,agreeing 1942,depressed,I guess I need to keep my mouth shut about my depression,speaker,3,"I agree. Exercise really helps me feel better. But you have the energy to get out of the house. I started feeling so depressed I rarely left my apartment. I think this friend annoys me because she seems to be a controlling person. When I start feeling better, maybe I'll have the energy to make better food choices. I barely have the energy to stick something in the microwave, nevermind real cooking. I also be that depression, like diabetes, cannot be cured, but managed. I need to get back to going to the gym, since walking in winter and bad weather can be next to impossible. I've been at least mildly depressed since I was a young child.",0.4523,positive,agreeing 1942,depressed,I guess I need to keep my mouth shut about my depression,listener_1,4,"Understood: it takes some effort to go out on errands, and then cook, clean, general housework etc., can't imagine having a family in that state.",0.4019,positive,agreeing 1942,depressed,I guess I need to keep my mouth shut about my depression,speaker,5,"And she is a social worker, too. I'm now on 2 antidepressants (one for insomnia). Once I start feeling better enough, l will have the energy to do other things.",0.8176,positive,hopeful 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,speaker,1,"I really don't know what I should feel. Definitely lonely, maybe sad. I know there are people out there who had it worse than me. I am from an Asian country and I am someone who cries a lot. First few weeks of school, I was constantly crying because I was afraid. I was also bullied by 2 seniors in the school bus because of that. Apart from that, my first 3years in class was fine. My grades dropped as I became lazy, and stops doing homework, my teacher called my parents up, and I get cane almost every month by my dad. That's myself to blame. However, the next 3years I was bullied for almost every single day. My bully will always asked me for money, and threatens to call my family for it if I don't give him. As someone who's gullible/naive, I thought I was protecting them. I blame myself for being stupid too. I stole money from my parents and my uncle. I even gave him my uncle's psp in hope he will stops bullying me. My uncle found a psp casing in my bag, I told him I brought to school and lost it. My relationship with him became worse since. We stopped talking and treats each other like strangers. Other than being bullied in school, I was bullied by my three cousins(which is quite personal that I don't wish to state here). They also threaten to tell my dad and uncle if I don't listen to them. Now that I've grown older, I realised what they did is way worse than my bully in school. Again, I was too stupid to realised it. I was 7-12years old throughout all this things. I repeated one year as I failed one of the major exam which determines whether you graduate. My 7th year in that school (13years old) was good. No bullies, I was happy. I also forget to mention, I cheated my friends money just to pay the bully, and in the end I got no friends because of that. On to secondary(high school?) school, it was great. I got no bullies. However, there's racism in the class, but nothing too serious. I made 2 good friends, and they always think of me as a happy go lucky girl with no stress, but they don't know that I cry almost everyday at home and to sleep. I don't blame them, because I don't know how to open up and share my problems or even tell them what I've been through. Apart from that, ever since we graduated, we barely talk anymore. One of them have migrated. They are the only 2 friends I get along with for the 4years in school, I do talk to other classmates just that we don't sit together during breaks or even hangout. Only when both my friends are not in school, that's when I sit together with other classmates which is very awkward for me. Luckily that's not often. I was 14-17years old. College.. the first few months were fine but somehow I just distant away from everyone. I find myself not clicking with anyone, not able to talk. I became really quiet. To the point where for the rest of 1 and the half year in school, I am always eating by myself, and I was embarrassed being seen. I normally sit at the table outside class so I try to avoid table near my class but sometimes my classmates will still walk past. The only time I talk to my classmates was during group work which was almost every day since I was studying media/filming. Normally the talking was just giving each other roles or task, that's all. I am 18-19years old then. I graduated but didn't attend graduation. Still in college, but this time a different course(IT related). Things were good, I made friends, I get along with almost everyone. You can hear my voice shouting across of class calling my friends. Teachers were annoy by me sometimes. I am constantly walking around the class talking to my friends. But I guess ever since we graduated, we became distant. I barely talk to them, and don't even meet them anymore. Despite one of them having badminton session every Saturday, but I've never been to it once. They tend to share their problems to me, but I've never once share problems of mine to them. 3 of them were from the media/filming course just that we were in different class except for lecture, but I didn't know them back then until now. One of them did bring up about how I looked like I was really lonely when I was in the previous course with my other friends when they were asking each other of their first impression with one another. I even try to come up with excuses just to let them know I wasn't.. but I was. Age 20-22. I graduated this month but I didn't attend. 18th and 21st birthday is supposed to be special, I had no one to celebrate with. I don't think anyone of them knows when's my birthday too. I did badly in all my school, I didn't studied all this time. Now I am stuck. Not sure what to do for now.. I have plans to further study and the application date is in Nov. I dyed my hair recently, blue.. and it seems rather difficult to find a job with this hair colour. I regret it, at the same time I don't. I love the colour and always wanted it. I've never really had someone to share my problem with except for my ex-boyfriend.. I feel like my whole life, it's just because of stupid choices I've made. I feel sad but not to the point that I am depressed although I do breakdown occasionally. I had a friend in primary school who cuts herself but she snapped out of it ever since in secondary school. She made good choices in her life, and now she's happy and doing great in her life. My relationship with my uncle is on and off, it was normal until last year where we treat each other like strangers again because we quarreled after moving into a new home as I did not help much in unpacking stuff and settling and this year about me not washing the spoon properly as there's still peanut butter on it. I am a careless person, I blame myself for that too but it's hard for me to change that. It's not something that happens often, so I don't get why he can't just look the other way and help one another as family. Maybe because of what I stole from him. He became bias to me and is much closer with my cousins. I guess I am just someone who's not a people person. I have no friends now. Lonely, sad and someone who makes stupid choices in life. I really appreciate it if you read the whole thing. Sorry if there's part that is repeated. I hope I didn't waste your time.",0.4641,positive,sad 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,listener_1,2,"I feel you, keep your head up girl, one day things will turn out right for you. Ps. If you want to talk or something, feel free to contact.",0.5574,positive,hopeful 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,speaker,3,I really hope things will change. Thank you so much for reading my rant.,0.5095,positive,consoling 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,speaker,4,I hope everything goes well for you. Highschool is supposed to be those days where you make friendships that last forever but I guess it doesn't applies to everyone. Hopefully you have 1 or 2 friends which act as moral support because it really helps a lot. Am never really close with my parents and I really envy people who are. Take care of yourself and do get some rest. I've never experienced insomnia myself but I know from people that it's really tough and tiring. Even leads to hallucination in some cases.,0.9607,positive,encouraging 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,listener_2,5,"Thank you! Insimnia for me is not right like what you said, because i felt in sleep at 3am, but i'm still tired and probably i will miss something at exam.",-0.7047,negative,neutral 1943,depressed,(Really long rant) stupid choices I've made in life.,speaker,6,"I guess different people have different experiences for insomnia. Good luck for your exam! Maybe that's what is keeping you up, stressing from exams.",0.5707,positive,wishing 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,speaker,1,"I don't know what I'm doing. I say things are tough but in perspective they aren't really. My boyfriend broke up with me via phone (after going out for almost a year and a half) and work has been horrible to the point that I'm being forced to resign or basically they will ruin my career. I just can't stop crying. Every single day. And the stupidest things set me off. I wasn't like his with my previous boyfriend and I've had plenty of work problems before. I've been in worse situations before but I just can't seem to recover this time. I've recently started self harming again after almost 10 years. I know it's not really the solution but it does help, at least for a while. I honestly thought about suicide last week, thankfully I passed out drunk before I could do anything. Sorry, I don't know what the point of this message is, I think I just need to get it out there so maybe someone will know.",-0.9911,negative,sad 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,listener_1,2,Do you have support in your life? Friends and family you can reach out to and can help you get through this hard time? Are you seeing any professionals?,0.8243,positive,questioning 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,speaker,3,"Limited. I migrated from another country a few years ago. I still regularly talk to my family but don't want to bring them into it. My colleagues have been amazing but I'm leaving in a couple of months so that'll soon go. I was really close with my ex's family so I think that has hurt a lot and been a big blow to my support system. I just don't want to feel like a burden to anyone but it's so tiring pretending to be ok every day I know I should get professional help but I just can't. I'm worried they won't take it seriously. Because honestly my problems actually aren't that bad if you think about it. All over the world people are always being dumped or having work problems, why should I be so dramatic about it?",0.8759999999999999,positive,lonely 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,listener_1,4,"This is how 50% of people with depression think, and I understand it. It doesn't matter how ""big"" or ""small"" your problems are, if they are effecting you, they are big. Talking to people and feeling like you have others supporting you will make you feel a lot better and less alone. Reaching out and asking for help isnt being a burden. If someone you loved very dearly told you they were really suffering would you roll your eyes and think theyre a burden? You would want to do everything you could to help them, and Im sure thats how your friends and family feel about you. Why not talk to your co workers about how you feel like you won't have any friends once you leave, and that youd really like to continue a relationship. They clearly like you, and Im sure they want to continue supporting you. Getting professional help is the only way to get better. They got their license to help people exactly like you. Why not start with group therapy or a support group. Then you could see that many people have similar problems to you, and you know they deserve support right? You arent being dramatic, you are mentally ill. You aren't a burden, you are loved.",0.9917,positive,trusting 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,speaker,5,Thanks for the reply. Yeah my colleagues are amazing but I've been at 8 different workplaces (in 5 year) and am only in (vague) contact with one. So while they mean well I'm really hesitant to assume that we will maintain contact. To be fair I am really bad at making deep confections with anyone. I've lived in my current country for 3 years and I have one friend. I barely have any friends from before that. But this is probably more me than them.,0.8349,positive,trusting 1944,depressed,Not feeling it,listener_1,6,"Im sure it must be lonely moving country all the time. Its really hard to make friends without any reason to talk. Do you enjoy sports? You could join a sports league? If you play an instrument you could see if theres any music related groups or clubs. You could take workshops like art or photography or something, you can try and talk to the people in it! Any interest you have you should try and see if there are any ways you can combine your interest with a way to meet people! I know its really hard to socialize when you feel like you aren't good at it for whatever reason. I always think about the fact that the brain can be retrained. Thats how you recover from mental illness, retraining your brain. All of this is so much easier said than done but I really encourage you to give it a shot, good luck! I wish you well :)",0.9858,positive,suggesting 1945,depressed,I know it’s not healthy,speaker,1,"My depression has gotten significantly worse in the past few months and my parents started to get me professional help. I had been seeing a therapist for many years due to stress stomach aches, but they took me to a psychiatrist for the first time and started me on medication. The first one I tried gave me more severe bouts of depression. Deep down I liked it and when I started coming out of that state I wanted to go back in. They took me off of that medication and put me on a new one which has made everything dull. I have all the same thoughts, pointing out how far I am from what I wish to be and how little I try. I barely feel anything anymore and find little passion in what I used to like. Even scrolling through Reddit is too much sometimes. However, every time I hang out with one of my friends I actually feel happy. I remember 2 weekends ago I brought him along with me to see a screening of endgame sponsored by the PTA of my highschool (he goes to another school). Then we had lunch with some of my classmates and headed back to his place and watched YouTube for a few hours. I remember walking back to my apartment feeling elated. Its moments like that that give me hope. Maybe it's how we joke around, maybe that we cuddle sometimes, maybe it's that he embodies much of what I wish to be, but there's something special about being with him that I don't think I can get from anyone else. About a month ago, he asked me a few personal questions, eventually leading me to open up to him about the details of my depression. We would talk about serious things on and off for about 2 weeks, but then he told me that it was too much for him and he feels like my happiness rests on him. He was the only one I'd opened up to this much because I know he'd been through much worse than me. After that he slowly started to pull back contact from me. Recently he's been leaving me on ""read"" increasingly often. I've tried to confront him several times and only last Friday did I get a real answer- he says that he naturally pushes everyone away and likes to spend his free time alone. Still though, we continue to hang out in person and he at least seems to have a good time. I'm too dependent on him. I know it's unhealthy, but he makes me happy in a way that nothing else does. He's the one that pulls most of the weight in the relationship, which makes me feel like shit. I fear that he's just doing it to make me feel better. I know that, if that is true, he is doing it out of love and care, but I wouldn't want to do anything if the other person doesn't take pleasure from it. I think of him often while I'm daydreaming in class. I admire his passion and creative drive and his fashion and his aesthetic; I think of how his head feels on my shoulder or my arm wrapped around his side. I know it's not healthy, but it's the only way that I can truly feel alive. This medication is stifling my soul and numbing my thoughts and I'll be forced to stay on it for another month until school lets out. I love him but I'm afraid to tell him because it will only put more pressure on him. I know I'm a burden, but I would only be worse if I wasn't. I want to change but it's too hard to push myself away from him. I'm sorry.",0.9943,positive,terrified 1945,depressed,I know it’s not healthy,listener_1,2,you should tell him your feelings.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1945,depressed,I know it’s not healthy,speaker,3,I feel like it would ruin our relationship because it's clear he doesnt like me as much as I like him and he would think I'm pushing it too far. I'm already older and a lot taller than him and I really don't want to seem assertive.,0.0489,neutral,apprehensive 1946,depressed,Bad thoughts,speaker,1,I was watching that Russian doll show and the ending dialogue just triggered me. I kept it in my mind all day and now I can feel myself in that place. Trying hard to find a way to let this indescribable feeling out without doing myself harm,0.4497,positive,sentimental 1946,depressed,Bad thoughts,listener_1,2,Please reach out to friends or family. Have someone to talk to. Don’t let these thought simmer inside. Even chatting or writing is not the same as talking. There is something more healing in being able to speak one’s fears or feelings.,0.4019,positive,sentimental 1946,depressed,Bad thoughts,speaker,3,I unfortunately isolate myself too much. I’ve written like 2 sentences this week because I don’t even know where to start,-0.128,negative,ashamed 1947,depressed,How did your parents react when you told them you were depressed?,speaker,1,Thinking about what might happen,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1947,depressed,How did your parents react when you told them you were depressed?,listener_1,2,"They told me no, I wasn't, because I had nothing to be depressed about. That was when I was around 11 or 12. I'm 35 now and still live with severe depression. I've never forgotten that denial (my mother's, really).",-0.4464,negative,angry 1947,depressed,How did your parents react when you told them you were depressed?,listener_2,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 1947,depressed,How did your parents react when you told them you were depressed?,listener_3,4,I’ll be okay. I don’t need a bot to help me.,0.5574,positive,content 1947,depressed,How did your parents react when you told them you were depressed?,listener_2,5,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,1,"I feel really bad, I guess I fell sad? Depreesd? I don't know really, I just feel lack of motivation and I feel empty? I mostly feel this way with some suicidal thoughts, and today I feel like cutting, but I just think I'm being a whiny baby, because I don't know anything about being depressed or other things, and I don't want to anger people who are depressed so I'm just going to say I honestly don't know how I'm feeling, I can't feel anything I just want to die I guess, it'll pass it always does so it's nothing to worry about, its just sadness I guess",-0.9289,negative,ashamed 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",listener_1,2,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/mutualsupport] [I guess i just want a bit of support](https://www.reddit.com/r/MutualSupport/comments/bqvbgm/i_guess_i_just_want_a_bit_of_support/) &nbsp;*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*",0.6908,positive,annoyed 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,3,"I guess it's true, the more I have contemplated the more I start to take steps towards that option. Well, my mom and others tell me its just teenage hormones and that I'm just being whiny, so I tent to believe it. I try to think about life that way, but if I can't feel good for my self and for nobody else than what's the point?. I feel better at this moment but it might not be for long. I still thank you a lot, this helped me a bit with my emotions.",0.7537,positive,trusting 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,4,"That's true, thank you a lot for the comment.",0.6486,positive,acknowledging 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,5,"Thank you, it's nice knowing I'm not the only one who feels like this.",0.7783,positive,acknowledging 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,6, I guess it is complicated after all. Thank you a lot,0.3612,positive,wishing 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,7,Thank you ill try,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,8,"Thank you a lot, this really help with my emotions that day, I'm currently trying to get help, so thanks",0.8987,positive,acknowledging 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",listener_2,9,Np. Feel free to reach out to me if your feeling shitty.,0.0772,positive,acknowledging 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",listener_3,10,"We are all complicated people. If we were easy, we’d be dogs. Don’t be so hard on yourself, try new things, have fun. Start somewhere though. Even if it doesn’t look like fun at first, try. It’s how you can make new friends.",0.9222,positive,jealous 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",listener_4,11,"I'm glad it gave you some comfort. It is hard to seek help so you have shown a heap of courage to be able to do that. Keep it up, you are amazing!",0.9336,positive,grateful 1948,depressed,"Sorry, im just being a whiny idiot",speaker,12,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,speaker,1,"Since i entered highschool, i had many bad experiences, which most people have/go through. I didnt know how to handle my emotions, i tended to cry anywhere. I had a friend that would do the same. And we would share our feelings, but idky, tbh, people and herself would say that i exaggerated, and that im.not actually sad, or depressed. They would tell me that i cant say im depressed because my doctor didnt diagnose me with it. So i started hiding my feelings away after months of months trying. That same friend got mad because i didnt tell her how i was feeling, she called me fake, went to mt other friends, talked shit bout me etc. It blew up to the point where a teacher got involved. And that teacher said, that i needed to stop playing victim. I didnt understand how i was. Fast foward, senior year. I dont really show anyone when i feel bad. But it hapoens alot, where i cry and cry when im alome at home. I tried getting help from my doctor, but she brushed it off. Which isnt surprising cause she's done that with other things i told her. I tried explaining to that same teacher that getting ready for college, and the college application process is difficult and im not getting the support i need from my parents. I finally opened ul after a while. And i was told, to stop victimizing myself. And i dont know if i am, if i am i dont mean to. I dont want to, i just feel so down and i tried getting help and try to encourage myself. I try to always show a smile. I really do. I just dont understand. My mother even implied i was doing that. But i just dont know what to do anymore.",-0.9838,negative,lonely 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,listener_1,2,"Can I just say one thing? Just bc you weren't diagnosed with something doesnt mean you cant have it. I'm also a little surprised that your doctor is not recommending alternatives, especially if it's a reoccurring issue. Maybe you can't write it in here but if you can, is there an example of something that happened and someone said you're victimizing yourself? Please dont take what others say as 100%, especially bc we cannot trust the intentions behind the statements of others. Some people unfortunately say things bc they are impatient or selfish and not for your well being.",-0.9573,negative,questioning 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,speaker,3,"Well, i was telling my teavher that i was having a really hard time with the college process and that getting information from my parents was difficult. That i would tell them, they would forget, or she would brush it aside. And that i spent months trying, i said that theres so many obstaclea everytime i do a task that was required in order to be enrolled at a college. After telling her that, she said that i need to stop victimizing myself. That i just kept putting the blame on others and stopped myself from getting things done.",-0.902,negative,ashamed 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,speaker,4,Thank you and i hope things goes well for you too,0.7579,positive,encouraging 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,listener_1,5,"Your teacher shouldn't have said that and you're not victimizing yourself bc u need help with enrolling to colleges bc it can be a difficult and confusing process for those who do not know where to start. Anyways, is there another counselor at your school that specializes in helping students apply to schools? If not, then start with the school websites that you're interested in. They will list out what you need in order to apply. Idk if you're a junior or senior but if you need financial aid, go to the fasfa website. You will require tax information from your parents and you can do it online at home. You're not putting blame on others and be persistent with your parents bc if u need financial aid, there is no other way than to get them to provide their info.",0.3851,positive,questioning 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,speaker,6,Thank you very much! I will definitely take this advice,0.6696,positive,agreeing 1949,depressed,Being told im victimizing myself,speaker,7,"Thank you, I'll try to change doctors and seek for better help",0.7964,positive,wishing 1950,depressed,I seriously need your help: Did anybody of you who quit SSRIs fall out of love with their SO as a consequence?,speaker,1,I am frantically looking for explanations online but I only read about people falling out of love because they get on the medication and not vice versa. My SO did NOT originally start taking the meds because of depression. He took it for narcolepsia. What happened :( somebody experience?,-0.6908,negative,surprised 1950,depressed,I seriously need your help: Did anybody of you who quit SSRIs fall out of love with their SO as a consequence?,listener_1,2,"I dunno, Im sorry but I think he's just saying that as some kind of explaination, other than he just fell out of love with you. Im sorry :(",0.3291,positive,sympathizing 1950,depressed,I seriously need your help: Did anybody of you who quit SSRIs fall out of love with their SO as a consequence?,speaker,3,I know he really might be,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1950,depressed,I seriously need your help: Did anybody of you who quit SSRIs fall out of love with their SO as a consequence?,speaker,4,"Oh my god I feel you very much. I am in the exact same position as you. I have already written him so many messages and tried to talk to him on so many occasions because I wasn't allowed to work through anything and he just shut me off. I m still processing and he had detached months ago without letting me into the conversation in his head. It is fucking infuriating. I feel like I kind of deserve to say these last things to to him though... I want to ban myself but I need to tell him these things for myself to heal too. I m not ready yet and I won't be able to move on if I had not told him my side. I feel that after 2,5 years I am entitled to come on a little too strong.",0.3759,positive,agreeing 1950,depressed,I seriously need your help: Did anybody of you who quit SSRIs fall out of love with their SO as a consequence?,listener_2,5,"I think that's been the really painful bit, not being able to sort it out together. Mine told me he had been thinking about it for a few weeks (including over Easter when we were on holiday with his family) but never said anything to me until after he made the decision. Unfortunately I don't think we always get closure with this. Feel your emotions, reach out to those around you and remember this will pass, you will eventually be in a better place, no matter how unlikely that seems at the moment.",0.1387,positive,sad 1951,depressed,"Just a little vent, nothing important (Long post)",speaker,1,"I don't want to diagnose myself with depression, mostly because I'm not a psychotherapist. I do have a mental illness, but I totally forgot and I'm too scared to visit a mental hospital for knowing it, because of the fucked up Russian mental health system. I rather to suffer alone but at least having a job, them being cured but being homeless. Uhhh, okay, this post not about this anyway. At some point all became wrong: the closest person to me right now is a British student who lives in an infinite amount of kilometers away from me and that I know only for two months. I have a friend of mine whom I'm being friends with for about 8-10 years. But, despite the fact that we know each other on barely 100%, we don't chat much. That's alright, I guess, because over the time we both changed: he has found a new company, I have found a new company (I didn't). We still chat and meet from time to time, but, eh, I dunno. It's at least something. Another story is about my ex. Eh, what a woman. I've never had a real relationships before, but I guess they don't have to be ended up with blocking me everywhere for barely no reason (I still can't figure out what did I do). Okay, I guess after some time I will finally forgive and forget her, but not now, obviously. All things are just hitting me from different sides: ending a school, final exams, on which my future depends directly, terrible break-up, army serving, graduation day, university entrance, loneliness, lack of communications, etc. It's really hard to focus on something one, because when you're focusing only on something one (on preparing for exams, for example) the every other of your problems (some are temporary, some not) will stay unsolved and will poison your existence. I'm having a terrible nightmares. In the most terrible one I've had a blue little veins all over my face and it burned as hell, later my teeth started falling out with a lot of blood and in the end, oh god, my hair with the skin and lots of blood started to fell of. In last 15 seconds of the dream I've been repeating over and over ""This is gotta be dream, this is not true, this is gotta be dream, oh god"". I woke up absolutely empty ane I was like this to the end of the day. I fucking hate my dreams sometimes, because they feel to be so true and realistic, I feel all the pain. Oh, yeah, in that nightmare nobody gave a shit about me, even the mom, who have seen my tooth just fallen. Pretty realistic. In other nightmares I either get killed, of abandoned, or I die alone, or other things that I'm afraid of, like break-up. And, unfortunately, most of them I remember for a long time and they won't be forgiven that easy. I wonder what I will do after all exams and graduation. Will I work? Will I exercise? Will I try something new? Will I do nothing amd suffer from my memories and lack of communication with people? Who knows, maybe all of them at once. But in one thing I'm sure on 100% — this summer will be shitty. Okay, will see. Sorry for taking your time for reading this crap. I just don't really have anybody to tell him or she all of that. And sorry for any grammar mistakes in the post. I wish you the best, my dear reader. Good luck in your life!",-0.9953,negative,afraid 1951,depressed,"Just a little vent, nothing important (Long post)",listener_1,2,"I read your post and I feel like I can understand. I have similar feelings of being stuck in this limbo of uncertainty, where nothing is set or stable. I think it hurts when no one understands and you feel like you're by yourself. Those nightmares your having are very interesting. It really seems like you have a lot going on and I hope if you organize your time and schedule beforehand it may help provide some stability? Idk but I too wish you the best and good luck too. It is so nice to read that at the end and I pray the best for you too.",0.9896,positive,encouraging 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,1,"I found out today that all my friends are fake. I get ignored everyday and when I don't hang out with them, they start asking me over and over what's wrong. One of them kept yelling at me. I was taking a very imporant test today. It decides if I pass on to 8th grade. The same on that was yelling at me sat behind me and kept kicking/ wiggling my desk. I try to hide my emotions the best that I can, but I almost screamed and walked out the class. All I really did was break my pencil, so I guess I managed to gain control again. My closest friend doesn't even talk to me anymore. She won't even look at me. I'm all alone now, just like last year. I got replaced once again. I can't talk to my mom about this. I get bullied, too. My boyfriend doesn't talk to me much anymore. My family could care less about me, so I don't have anyone to turn to. I guess I feel better typing this down. Maybe this is the therapy I needed. I don't know anymore. No one even notices the cuts on my arms. Guess I'm invisible. Maybe I wasn't supposed to even be born.",0.8665,positive,annoyed 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_1,2,Welp. Im 19. Cheers to resonating with a post by an 8th grader. Guess my life has been stuck in that pattern. Fuck that’s pathetic. It will probably get better for you. Your scars will definitely fade. You will find ppl who really car about you. You can.,-0.128,negative,jealous 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,3,Thanks. I hope whatever problems you face will get better. Thanks again.,0.836,positive,consoling 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,4,"I guess my science teacher would be the best pick. Or the teacher that supervises my club. Same here with the friend thing. They mainly talk to me only to hear jokes or complain about what's going on in their life. There are counselors, and I used to get called to one of them every so often so they could check up on me. I used to have a therapist, but she said that everything seemed fine after a few months. Of course, that was only last year. My family really doesn't pay attention to me. My mom's boyfriend doesn't like me all that much. He normally yells at me and one time it drove me crazy. Literally, I started pulling my hair and crying like some kind of weirdo that needs to be put in a mental hospital.",-0.6478,negative,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_2,5,"You aren't a weirdo that needs to be put in a mental hospital, if you are then Im a weirdo who needs to be put in a mental hospital too and you wouldn't say that to me, would you? I really think you should talk to your teachers and the counselors again. Specifically about whats going on at home as well. How did you get a therapist? Did your mom help you get one? If so, do you think you could tell her how your feeling? Im sure she isn't purposfully ignoring you, so maybe if you told her how you felt you guys could spend some quality time together? Like maybe you and her talk or do something together for an hour everyday sometime after school?",0.8968,positive,questioning 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,6,"She got the therapist for me, but I didn't want one. I'm glad she forced me to go to her, though. I miss her a lot. I can try to talk to her. I'm an extremely passive person when it comes to things like this and other stuff, so it might be a little hard. I'll try it though. I don't think you're a weirdo. I think everyone else just can't understand how we feel because we're more connected to our heart and soul than they are.",0.7647,positive,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,7,I took your advice to talk to her again and it worked! Thanks so much for giving me the confidence I needed.,0.8464,positive,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,8,"I've tried so many times. I'm trying to give her some space cause she's got so much going on at home and I know all I can do is offer her a place to stay if she needs one, and that's not enough for me. I'll try talking to her again and see if she's ready to talk. She won't even answer my texts.",0.3612,positive,devastated 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_2,9,"I don't think your a weirdo either, we all just need to be nicer to ourselves :) Do you want one now? Going to my therapy appointments is the highlight of my week! But when I was your age I was terrified lol! Now it makes me feel so understood and it feels so good to get everything off of my chest. And yes, it is very hard to bring these things up and talk about them. Would you feel more comfortable writing a letter or an email or something? Im 100% positive your mom loves you with her entire heart, and she would do anything to help you feel better, she just doesn't know how youre feeling, so she can't help you! Once you let her know Im sure she'll get you some help as soon as possible.",0.9927,positive,questioning 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,10,Alright. I want my old therapist again. I'll ask her another time when she's not fighting with her boyfriend again. I'm just gonna ask her about it when she's alone. Thanks you!,0.6809999999999999,positive,hopeful 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_2,11,"Good idea, ask when shes in a good mood and alone. Good luck :)",0.9136,positive,wishing 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,12,Thanks again. \^-\^,0.4404,positive,wishing 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,13,Alright! ^-^,0.3164,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,14,How did it got w ur boyfriend have u talked to him since?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,15,Rlly glad I could help only said that cause it worked for me w my best friend who I thought hated me about a week ago,0.836,positive,grateful 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,16,Turns out we haven't spoken in 2 weeks. She said she wasn't talking to me because she that I was mad at her and I said I wasn't talking to her because I thought she was mad at me! How ironic is that? Yeah the only reason she even started talking to me was because I was standing next to her and I kissed a door. Lol,-0.1511,negative,surprised 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,17,U be out here kissing doors😂,0.765,positive,annoyed 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,18,"He wasn't at school today. I'll try to text him, but he most likely won't answer. He hasn't been coming to school lately. :/",-0.4767,negative,disappointed 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,19,Has he been airing u?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,20,XD What can I say? The door was looking sexy. Lmao,0.9158,positive,acknowledging 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,21,"Probably. I tend to back off when I get ignored or feel unwanted, so he probably thinks that I don't like him anymore. Plus, he has trust issues and I'm the second girl he's ever dated, so I can see why he would do something like that.",0.1255,positive,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,22,Lmao😂,0.7783,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,23,We've been dating for 5 weeks.,0.0,neutral,faithful 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,24,Fair if he still has some trust issues but as long as he tells u a bit now he’ll come around later promise,0.6956,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,25,I hope you're right. Last guy I dated didn't tell me that his feelings changed. Let's just say that relationship was already over before I found out. I cried every single day for about 3 weeks before I even knew that he liked someone else. It was a traumatizing experience. So I kind of got some trust issues too.,0.4767,positive,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,26,don’t even mean something like that I mean if he tells u basic stuff like something he wouldn’t feel comfortable telling other ppl,0.8074,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,27,He most likely won't tell me anything personal that nobody else knows. Maybe one day he will. Who knows,0.0,neutral,trusting 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,28,🙏 hope so most of my relationships just started w texting a lot then someone makes a move so I can’t rlly relate,0.4404,positive,consoling 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,29,Oof,0.0,neutral,disgusted 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,30,I thought u were clm😂,0.4404,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,31,"This is gonna sound dumb, probably because I;m retarded, but what does clm mean? Double oof. >\~<",-0.5423,negative,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),listener_3,32,😂 clm means calm I’m from the uk so probs have different abbreviations,0.6369,positive,neutral 1952,depressed,My Day (I Don't Really Know What To Put Here),speaker,33,"I feel dumb. Lol That's what I thought, but I wasn't too sure.",-0.4005,negative,embarrassed 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,1,"I am almost 24 years old, and I have never been on a date. Every time I try to connect to a peer, there's a wall between us that I cannot seemingly get over and they have no interest in helping me. I get it, I am not owed anything by anyone, but it doesn't change the fact that the vast majority of my peers have had friends and significant others by this age. I want to experience that. What's worse is that I no longer have college to rely upon for clubs, and I live in a small town so local groups don't really exist. I did join a few bible study groups (I am not really Christian, but I am interested in Christians and their beliefs). I thought as an added bonus, I could make some acquaintances. Just as unsuccessful as ever. These people are some of the most welcoming people I have met, yet it almost hurts worse. Most people seem to totally ignore me, but these people seem to see me. But they refuse to help break down that wall. They give platitudes, but I never get any actual help. I follow all of the social conversation tips out there. I try to get them to talk about themselves, but they refuse to share anything beyond one-word answers to me. I can't get them to go off on something, and it makes me feel like there's something fundamentally wrong with me. These people won't even talk about themselves to me. I am so repulsive that they can't even do this. I have stopped going to these groups due to feeling like a burden. Sometimes I come off as desperate at the end of these because and say my feelings outright ""I feel isolated"" ""I am a burden"" etc. I suspect I shouldn't do that, but what else do I have but cries for help? I don't know what to do, and this loneliness is crushing.",-0.9535,negative,jealous 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,listener_1,2,"Do you feel nervous in social situations? Maybe some therapy could help you feel more confident and outgoing. People are very receptive to those that have a ""big"" energy, as in your energy helps them feel more comfortable as they know you will be able to fill in all the gaps in conversation (if that makes any sense). I also find many people are nervous! So by displaying big and confident energy they feel the weight of holding a conversation lifted off of them, as you are leading it! Do you have a therapist already? You really need some support in your life? Do you have any acquaintences you could work on trying to become closer with? I often find bars and clubs are good for meeting people, as alcohol makes everyone more open for conversation. I know you feel like its a you problem, but if people don't want to be your friend because of the way you supposedly look, you wouldnt want them as your friend anyway. If you message me Id be glad to talk more, I don't want you to feel so isolated.",0.9689,positive,confident 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,3,"Not really. Sometimes tense. The only time I get nervous is when I go up to a random stranger with no context. I have been to a couple of therapists. Right now, I am on a wait list for another. Personally, though, none of them have been able to do anything about this. They can't magically make people like me. I have some acquaintances, but none of them are really ""feminine"". All of them are guys that tend to be more ""masculine"". I already have a friend like that and while it's fine, I need to talk about stuff like this. He is not a talker, and at best I can mention this once in a while and sort of vent. I don't drink, and I need a real context for interaction otherwise I am intensely nervous. Plus, I have no interest in interacting with them in the first place as I don't know anything about them. I have no idea if it is because of how I look. It's probably not, and when I said repulsive, I meant in general, not looks.",0.8982,positive,apprehensive 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,listener_1,4,"Could you go to places where you might find like minded individuals? For example if you like reading and are more intellectual how about a library? And no, a therapist can't magically fix you, but they will give you the tools to fix you. If you get along and feel like your able to talk to them, stick with it for a month or two and really try and apply what theyre telling you. I think having more self confidence would really help you, but I know that is so much easier said than done.",0.9697,positive,suggesting 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,5,"Did I not mention me trying to join local groups? As I said, I have been to therapists. I don't buy into the idea that one can sincerely be self-loving or self-confident without some external validation. I have never gotten any reason to be confident.",0.9001,positive,trusting 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,listener_1,6,Lol ok good luck,0.872,positive,wishing 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,7,It's always interesting how people react when someone doesn't accept the common meta of self-help books.,0.1321,positive,surprised 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,listener_1,8,Youre being rude! Im trying to help you. Did I recommend a self help book? Did I tell you to join a local group?,0.7752,positive,questioning 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,9,"I don't think I have been rude. If my comments have expressed that tone, I did not mean to do so. Self-help means more than its literal wording. It implies certain concepts that are in fashion such as personal CBT, Stoicism-esque concepts, libertarian free will, etc. I don't agree with these concepts. Especially since I think our ""self"" is a concept born from mimetic desires and how we want to be perceived since birth. I can pretend the external world doesn't matter but it does.",0.1301,positive,ashamed 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,listener_1,10,"You have been passive agressive. I have literally no clue what you would like me to say. If you talk to people in this overbearing jargon way, I can see why people arent interested. It implies that you think you are much better than everyone else, and no one likes that. In the mental health world, self help means helping yourself. I have never heard of ""self cbt"", but if you are referring to simply practicing cbt techniques, then no CBT therapist can help you. Wtf does libertarianism have to do with mental health? Stoicism is the opposite of what therapists tell you to do. They want you to feel and be open about your emotions. I really don't understand what you are looking for. If you want to be a miserable walking dictionary go ahead. Bye bye!",-0.7837,negative,annoyed 1953,depressed,I Feel Completely Alone,speaker,11,"I pointed out the fact that I have done all of your advice, and that I don't feel super nervous when talking to people. What do you want me to say? ""Oh yeah, I'll go see a therapist. Great advice, I never knew therapy was an option even though I have seen a number of therapists!"" I'm sorry that I am not going to take ""go see a therapist"" as a panacea and not inform you that I have already seen some therapists. I rarely if ever talk about myself when I talk with other people. I thought I had a self-confident issue, now I think I am better than other people? I think most people I meet are far better than me. I understand your definition of self-help. I explained mine. You don't have to get angry at the me for not using your definition. Libertarian free will has nothing to do with American libertarianism. It means we have complete, total control over our will. Stoicism has nothing to do with not feeling. Here's the thing, I reject most modern self-help concepts because I think they are 1) Incorrect at their core precepts and 2) Used by capitalism to suppress revolutionary feelings because every thing has to do with ""self-help"", it's never the system or the world we live in. To be fair, I think this specific situation doesn't really fit number 2. I am getting more interested in ACT because it understands that the human condition includes suffering, and that being miserable as you call it is okay so long as it doesn't stop you from living your life. I came to vent. Since you wanted to give advice, I responded accordingly.",0.9095,positive,embarrassed 1954,depressed,Best drug to OD on?,speaker,1,What's the least painful maybe even best feeling drug to OD on? Legal or Illegal doesn't matter. If you could say dosage too that would be great.,0.8415,positive,suggesting 1954,depressed,Best drug to OD on?,listener_1,2,Suicide methodology content is not allowed here.,-0.6705,negative,afraid 1954,depressed,Best drug to OD on?,speaker,3,Do you know anywhere I could ask this? I just want to know and then I'll delete the post. Sorry,0.0,neutral,questioning 1954,depressed,Best drug to OD on?,listener_1,4,"Personally, I won't speak of methods.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,speaker,1,"I have a good internship and I graduate college in December. Have a good family and everyone around me seems to be ""doing fine"" but I just can't seem to get happy. I don't see the point in me finishing school, getting a job and working for the rest of my life. I guess I'm in a very pessimistic headspace right now.",0.6869,positive,content 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,listener_1,2,"I can understand the feeling. Find someone you can talk to it does help,",0.4939,positive,acknowledging 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,speaker,3,"I've never been one to ""bother people""",-0.34,negative,caring 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,listener_1,4,If they care about you they won't feel like your bothering them. It's all about perspective.,-0.1306,negative,acknowledging 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,speaker,5,"I'm in my early 20s and it seems like that's the best of the two options. I'm already sick of the ""rat race""",0.5267,positive,content 1955,depressed,I just want to become a recluse,listener_2,6,Poverty takes some getting used to IMO.,-0.5106,negative,neutral 1956,depressed,I hate vacations,speaker,1,"I hate taking vacations, I mean I dread them to the core of my being. The people I work with know I work hard and that I'm not going to stop until I'm on top. They think I do it because I will not accept anything less then perfect, but they are wrong. The truth is I work so much in order to hide from my personal life. I jump into work and studying because it's easier to hide the fact that I don't have anything else. I love alone, and I really don't have family or friends. I don't have hobbies or anything I do to relax and when I'm working I can forget all that. Shoot I passed an exam and got a new certification for work and my first thought was ""what's next"". Which brings me to today. I'm off this week due to being overworked. Honestly I'm exhausted but I can't sleep at night. when I take time off it forces me to see how empty my life is away from work. I feel so alone and just unhappy, but I have no idea how to fix it. I've spent all my life studying IT and Cyber Security stuff that I left everything else behind. I know I'm just ranting now, but it's a hard realization that outside of work my life seems completely empty.",-0.5189,negative,ashamed 1956,depressed,I hate vacations,listener_1,2,"That's really hard. Have you thought of learning a new skill in a class outside work? That's a great way to unwind and make new friends. Maybe something artistic, to counterbalance your work?",0.7825,positive,suggesting 1956,depressed,I hate vacations,listener_2,3,"Yo, I don’t think you are as bad as you think",-0.5423,negative,afraid 1957,depressed,I'm at a loss,speaker,1,"I think I might kill myself. It's been a long time coming and I've had borderline attempts with cutting my wrists/forearms. I just don't think I'm cut out for this life. Maybe there's another one that I'm better suited to and maybe not, all I know is that I can't live this one anymore.",-0.3582,negative,afraid 1957,depressed,I'm at a loss,listener_1,2,Your post history tells me that you are probably worth talking to. Good reason to stick around.,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 1957,depressed,I'm at a loss,speaker,3,"Hey, yeah sorry I was pretty drunk and I fell asleep. Gonna deactivate my account though",0.4019,positive,sympathizing 1957,depressed,I'm at a loss,listener_2,4,Well then nobody on reddit can help you,0.5859,positive,neutral 1958,depressed,I'm ready to close my eyes and never wake up.,speaker,1,"Im not scared to die, just scared of dying. I'm not meant to be in this world. I need to find a guaranteed way to die in my sleep.",-0.3067,negative,afraid 1958,depressed,I'm ready to close my eyes and never wake up.,listener_1,2,"You need help. Don't do that. I thought like you some time ago, but now i realised that is wrong to do that. There's a lit of useless people that live better than you, because they don't say",-0.34,negative,agreeing 1958,depressed,I'm ready to close my eyes and never wake up.,speaker,3,No one helps everyone that did end up hurting so I'll fight solo it's getting better just so fucking slow rn,-0.7238,negative,lonely 1959,depressed,Just failed road test icing on the cake ((rant)),speaker,1,I just failed my road test for one mistake and I’m not even sure I want to drive its so expensive and shitty for the environment. I don’t want to fucking feed a vehicle money for the rest of my life. I booked another test because I feel like at my age (23f) I should have my shit together and one of those indicators seems to be having a license + there’s no better time for me to be studying for it while I have a part time job and a lot of freedom living with at my moms. Tbh I’d rather ride a bike or move away to New York and ride subways or something except I’m in a car dependant city in Canada. I feel so stupid. I’m at a min-wage job and should be looking into university but how does someone decide to either become an art teacher or a nurse.. I’m stuck between the two and I need to upgrade first. It all feels too much I wish I had a father growing up but he died when I was a kid and instead had an alcoholic step father wreak havoc for 5 years. My mom is amazing and I hesitate to say she was neglectful but she didn’t care about my education she never once checked a report card and never helped with homework or checked it(she probably grew up the same) I feel like I’m fucking picking up the pieces in my 20s and raising myself as if I was a kid again learning new things and it’s fucking scary at times and I feel so isolated. I just want to become a housewife but that shit is so stigmatized in this day and age. Idk.,-0.9739,negative,prepared 1959,depressed,Just failed road test icing on the cake ((rant)),listener_1,2,Post this @ r/anger with anger-management suggestions in mind.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 1959,depressed,Just failed road test icing on the cake ((rant)),speaker,3,I don’t feel anger I feel depressed,-0.7906,negative,sad 1960,depressed,Trust,speaker,1,"It's better to trust no one and be ripped apart by yourself, than to have someone you trust and thought cared about you, leave you heart broken.",0.9001,positive,lonely 1960,depressed,Trust,listener_1,2,"This, probably the most relatable thing I have ever seen.",0.0,neutral,impressed 1960,depressed,Trust,speaker,3,Someone who I held close left me.,0.0,neutral,sad 1960,depressed,Trust,listener_2,4,Fair I once had the w this one girl who broke up w me then got w my best friend but time heals almost all wounds ull find someone better👊 at least u got to see their true colours sooner rather than later,0.9001,positive,neutral 1960,depressed,Trust,speaker,5,"At this point I don't care that i'm miserable anymore, it's normal. This is good advice though",-0.4456,negative,acknowledging 1960,depressed,Trust,listener_3,6,I am already miserable all the time.,-0.4939,negative,sad 1960,depressed,Trust,speaker,7,"This is all true, I think there are people out there that are worth it. I thought I found one of them, ended up worse off than I was before and pushing all of the other people out.",0.1531,positive,jealous 1960,depressed,Trust,listener_4,8,"Been there, done that. Closing your heart stops any potentially good doors from opening.",0.7579,positive,sad 1960,depressed,Trust,speaker,9,"Yeah true, she left me for my bf to Time doesn't heal anything though imo You only become used to it",0.6124,positive,agreeing 1960,depressed,Trust,listener_2,10,Fair but it help when she dumped him and he cane crawling back,0.1655,positive,neutral 1961,depressed,I just,speaker,1,"I just miss friends and being loved and cared about. It boils down to that, the reason I’m upset all the time. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t wanna work anymore, if I’m not doing anything then why do I need money? I don’t wanna go to school anymore, luckily it’s summer break now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I just unapproachable? I haven’t had a friend in four months, and it could be argued I haven’t had a real one ever. My only friend/longest friend I’ve had I’ve never actually met, and we’ve been very distant recently. My other best friend sexually harassed me while I was drunk then moved across the country, and I’ve had a few other friends who just wronged me. For example, ones extremely greedy, one was such a bitch to me and always insulting me, the other was controlling and now on hard drugs. I’m wondering if I’m just overreacting at this point. I’m just.. so conflicted. Do I follow my emotions and what I feel is right and wrong or do I just stick to friends regardless what they do. I’m so bad at friendship, what’s wrong with me? I just want friends.",0.4441,positive,sad 1961,depressed,I just,listener_1,2,"Look its hard making friends, it's hard talking to people. People can be terrifying. Speaking as someone on medication for anxiety, I get it, it's scary. But just do what you can to put yourself out there, an awkward ""hi"" to a stranger, or complimenting someone's t-shirt can start a conversation. It's hard, but it's worth trying, honestly.",0.7311,positive,neutral 1961,depressed,I just,speaker,3,"Thank you, your comment kinda pushed me to go to a concert today. I ended up talking to one person on the bus :)",0.6705,positive,grateful 1961,depressed,I just,listener_1,4,"Yo thats honestly amazing, you're doin great. You have fun?",0.9349,positive,questioning 1962,depressed,just need to vent about my controlling mom,speaker,1,"I need to vent, My mom prohibits so many things to me, I feel so limited sometimes; a parent like this, it seriously can shape and affect a person to all sort of degrees, made me doubtful, anxious and emotionally unstable, I do not credit her entirely, but it has greatly influenced me to have grown like that, my parents are together but my dad works on another city and I don't see him for most of the week, and when he comes he mostly watches tv or sleeps, it's most times just me and her LITERALLY because I'm most of the time home because of her prohibitions, the days I have gone to someting as simple like the movies in the last four years I can count with my fingers, and it's only been with my cousins because of their birthdays. She recently allowed something but I always get the feeling of dread and anxiety that she'll change her mind (it is noting bad btw, has nothing to do with guys or anything risky). Not sure if this is allowed, but if anybody is a christian can you please pray for me? so she doesn't changes her mind and prohibits this for me too? Thanks for reading my name is Juliana",-0.2478,negative,lonely 1962,depressed,just need to vent about my controlling mom,listener_1,2,"Sending prayers, Juliana. God will lead you and help you. Ask Him to show you how to talk to your mom about things—realize She is trying her best to help, but also talk to her about how love is also about freedom to choose and she needs to trust God and that He will work on your heart and keep you safe so she won’t have to be so fearful and controlling.",0.9842,positive,faithful 1962,depressed,just need to vent about my controlling mom,listener_2,3,We don't allow promotion of religion in this sub.,-0.1695,negative,faithful 1962,depressed,just need to vent about my controlling mom,listener_1,4,"Lol They asked for prayer in their comment and said they are Christian. Anyway it’s spiritual, not religion.",0.4215,positive,neutral 1962,depressed,just need to vent about my controlling mom,listener_2,5,Are you Christian? I re-approved comment; my bad.,-0.5423,negative,sympathizing 1963,depressed,i tried so hard,speaker,1," in the end it doesnt even matter. All my life I had to fight especially for things other people got easy. I have a very loving heart and this world take it as a joke. This world is so selfish and evil. I don't know why God put me here. Of who has obviously abandoned me. It's been 7 days of eating slices of bread of which I have no more now. Ran out of water yesterday and now have to drink tap water. On the verge of being kicked out of this homeless shelter. Non proper clothes for my upcoming job interviews. Only wondering how things will work out if I'm kicked out of this homeless shelter. It's fight after fight. I'm tired of having to fight to get what any human deserves. I'm tried of being taken for granted and advantage of. My parents kicked me out and left me for dead because of my deep faith in God and following his words. Now the same God has left me here starving to death and on the verge of being homeless again. At this point I don't see why to continue. Having to continuously fight in a world full of people with cold hearts. This world attacks the good people and blesses the bad. You see it in relationships, jobs and just look at the 1% with billions yet there's people sleeping on dirt. I really am nothing without God and God was the only reason I made it this far. But now God has abandoned me and now I'm lost and forgotten. I have no one and lost the number one meaning in my life. I dont know how I'll end it because I can't bring myself to attempt anything. However with my hunger pains I'm sure it wont be long. For the shelter manager who will read this thanks for your help.",-0.919,negative,sad 1963,depressed,i tried so hard,listener_1,2,Are you planning self-harm?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1963,depressed,i tried so hard,speaker,3,i've attempted but failed i dont want to kill myself but i cant bear the hunger pains,-0.3107,negative,neutral 1963,depressed,i tried so hard,listener_1,4,"Ok, thanks for clarifying.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1963,depressed,i tried so hard,speaker,5,will you buy me a pizza,0.0,neutral,questioning 1964,depressed,Idk...,speaker,1,"Back in March of '18, i made 5 different cuts on my hand, with the furst cut leaving a scar. All this due to my depression i had since 2011. I told my friends and family i got em from working, but i didn't have the heart to tell them i did it myself. My depression has gotten so bad, i just don't know what to do with myself... Should i tell someone the truth of my cuts to try and get help?",-0.9381,negative,ashamed 1964,depressed,Idk...,listener_1,2,"You can tell someone and he or she may help you manage your depression. Seek someone who is a professional if you're scared about telling your family and friends. Don't hurt yourself. We are here for you too. You can even PM me if you need to vent. You can just write and let those emotions out. I sincerely wish you the best help and better days. At the very least, a stranger is wishing the very best for you bc I know how much depression can be.",0.9599,positive,caring 1964,depressed,Idk...,speaker,3,Thank you...,0.3612,positive,wishing 1965,depressed,Didn’t Graduate Today,speaker,1,I had a lot of stuff going on in my life this year so I had to drop out to work full time at two jobs so I could move away from Abusive parents and live on my own and that was 4 months ago..... Today I am watching all of my friends graduate and be happy and I just honestly feel like killing myself because my dream since I was a kid just happened and I wasn’t there.,0.3818,positive,sad 1965,depressed,Didn’t Graduate Today,listener_1,2,You have your whole life ahead of you and you WILL graduate. You WILL achieve that dream. You have already come so far and you’re probably stronger and able to work harder than anyone else that was graduating today. Life isn’t a race. Don’t compare yourself to others even if it’s easier said than done. Keep your focus on your goals and bit by bit you will make it and once you do that success is going to feel so much greater. Wishing you all the best in life. Don’t give up!,0.9614,positive,confident 1965,depressed,Didn’t Graduate Today,speaker,3,It’s not even just about the diploma itself either it’s more about watching all of my friends up there happy with their families and I just will never get to experience that......,0.7783,positive,jealous 1965,depressed,Didn’t Graduate Today,speaker,4,Haha ok remember that,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 1966,depressed,Please help (tw: self harm),speaker,1,i’ll try to make this quick. i have self harm scars on my leg that won’t go away and i have to wear a short dress in about a month and i don’t know how to cover them. if anybody knows anything that would fade them or cover them up that would be greatly appreciated.,0.024,neutral,consoling 1966,depressed,Please help (tw: self harm),listener_1,2,Leggings/body stockings/ bandaids/ makeup/ spray tan/,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 1966,depressed,Please help (tw: self harm),listener_2,3,"This pretty much covers what id do. Makeup, put on skin tone stockings over it. Thats if you want it to look like bare skin/ normal short dress. If you add design and color to stockings then it draws attention away from the scaring and skin.",0.4767,positive,acknowledging 1966,depressed,Please help (tw: self harm),speaker,4,i’ve tried using makeup but it doesn’t cover them completely. i’m so scared that my parents will see them,-0.7654,negative,afraid 1967,depressed,20 y.o with no life,speaker,1,"I really don't know what to do with my life. It's summer and I can't find a job, I don't have money or a boyfriend, I have anxiety that interferes with me moving on with my life. I go to college but I'm in film production (which probably won't get me a good job in the future). I know I need to get my life moving but I don't know how and I'm afraid I'll be too depressed and not do anything with myself. All I do is play video games all day and watch tv. Does anyone have advice for me?",0.2846,positive,apprehensive 1967,depressed,20 y.o with no life,listener_1,2,"Depression is a shitload of weight you bring around with you on your shoulders, and it doesn’t get any lighter by itself. In your situation, I can see it is hard to get to know people, but sometimes the connections with other people help a lot. If you can, try to go watch a movie with a friend or stop by a park. You basically need to distract yourself from the depression until you don’t feel it. Of course reach out to a therapist if you are willing, but playing video games/watching TV doesn’t leave you alone in a room, which is a step forward. Depression eats away at people. You can’t get yourself out of depression by locking it up, you should seek somewhere to vent out (a therapist, Reddit threads, etc.) . Even binge watching a good TV series helps your body distract itself. Either purposely, or subconsciously, avoiding the bad thoughts is our second step into leaving depression.",-0.978,negative,sad 1967,depressed,20 y.o with no life,listener_2,3,"Thanks, from just a reader. I get tired when people push me into therapy. I isolate myself from my best friends, I can't possibly imagine reaching out to a stranger and telling him anything that I'm not able to find words for even when talking to myself. I slept most of yesterday.",0.7103,positive,lonely 1967,depressed,20 y.o with no life,listener_1,4,"Sleep is cool, I feel like eating well is a part of it too so maybe you can try teaching yourself how to cook healthily and still have yummy food. I don’t like therapy for the same reason, it isn’t for everyone, but sometimes I literally sit in my bed and just act like I am talking to someone. I am talking to myself, but almost as if I am complaining to someone about the stuff that is happening. Having a vent of some sort helped me out of my depression if you want to try it. Hopefully you do better in the future, but for now we just have to wait for opportunities. And with our technology and our ability to communicate without even knowing the person’s name comes the good ol’ “just go outside” stuff people say. It is hard to have a reason to go out with people, and I rarely do. It may just be me not having good social skills, but don’t make yourself feel bad about it.",0.8883,positive,lonely 1967,depressed,20 y.o with no life,listener_3,5,Omg thank you all u previous posts.,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 1968,depressed,Do I fit in anywhere?,speaker,1,"I feel like I can't relate to anybody....everyone I come across makes me anxious, will I just be a loner for my whole life or is it possible to dig my way out of this hole....I feel like I don't even want anybody in my life anymore....I wish i had nobody, no family, no friends, no one with a pre-existing knowledge of my existence, I want to move to a brand new city and start completely fresh, I know beggar's can't be choosers but I want people in my life like me, and I'm afraid this will never happen",0.7389,positive,lonely 1968,depressed,Do I fit in anywhere?,listener_1,2,This is probably cliche but start with your interests and hobbies and find people from there that also have that interest,0.7579,positive,suggesting 1968,depressed,Do I fit in anywhere?,speaker,3,Eh it's not really like that lol,0.1869,positive,neutral 1969,depressed,Looking for some joy in life,speaker,1,"I’m sad and lonely living with a spouse of over 30 yrs that drinks himself into a coma every weekend. I have no friends and don’t want to tell my family how I’m feeling. I try to talk to my husband about it, but all I get is “whatever”. I need friends and outside activities but don’t know where to begin. I also need help to stop drinking, but I don’t drink as excessively as my spouse. Where to begin.....",0.4065,positive,lonely 1969,depressed,Looking for some joy in life,listener_1,2,"If u want to spend the rest of your life like that, endure. Otherwise, do whatever you can to have a better life. If all else fails, leave. That would be the easiest way to tell it.",0.6705,positive,questioning 1969,depressed,Looking for some joy in life,speaker,3,Thank you. I am working on figuring this out today. And I’m going to see a counselor.,0.3612,positive,faithful 1969,depressed,Looking for some joy in life,listener_2,4,Great first step. I’m pulling for you!,0.6588,positive,hopeful 1970,depressed,I’m stuck in this shithole and I hate it,speaker,1,"If I can ruin my life, I seem to be really good at making bad decisions that will ruin everything. I fucking hate it here so much. I’m so depressed, I’m slipping down more and more down the black hole. I have nothing to live for. There’s nothing good about waking up. I despise my job and everyone I work with. My so called friends don’t give a shit about me. I don’t want to be here. I’d love nothing more than to go to sleep and never wake up. I’m so angry because my life is nothing but a bag of shit and I’m sick of it. Everything I do blows up in my face. Im fed up with life. I’m done with living.",-0.9674,negative,sad 1970,depressed,I’m stuck in this shithole and I hate it,listener_1,2,Me too....it’s painful and exhausting,-0.6597,negative,agreeing 1970,depressed,I’m stuck in this shithole and I hate it,speaker,3,"I ask this everyday, too.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 1970,depressed,I’m stuck in this shithole and I hate it,speaker,4,I feel the same way.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,speaker,1,"Random girl who's friend's with people I know asks me for £20 I give it to her. People I haven't seen or heard from for a while bump in to me in the pub, I pay for a few drinks. I ask for the money back I hear nothing. When it's their birthday or they just have a little get together, I don't hear anything. I just get lied to and used. It has to stop but I fear cutting those people would would leave me more isolated and more cut off than I already am. I'm so unhappy with myself and my life. No one actually wants much to do with me. I really should just up and go. I'm miserable. My social life sucks, my work life sucks and my love life sucks. Jesus Christ I'm pathetic.",-0.9884,negative,trusting 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,listener_1,2,"Don’t hate this about yourself, your kind and the people in your life are shit. Keep being kind, but seek out others with the same mindset. They’re out there, I promise!",0.4574,positive,consoling 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,speaker,3,But being this way has gone nothing but cause me upset and pain. I do look for like minded people but in my area they are few and far between.,-0.6808,negative,disappointed 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,listener_2,4,"Agreed. It’s time to find new friends. Lose the ones who take advantage, and find ones more like you that have the same capacity to love. It doesn’t matter how many or few you have. Quality counts & you are worth it!",0.915,positive,agreeing 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,speaker,5,"You know what. You're right they aren't my friends. The girl I let borrow £20 is having a birthday party this Friday on the night I lent her the money she invited me. Today when I asked what the plan is, I have heard nothing. I just have to buck up and move on.",0.0377,neutral,apprehensive 1971,depressed,I'm far too nice to people,listener_3,6,"Yes,do not let people use you like that,she is treating you like trash.You aren't trash ,you are someone worth spending good times,but with the right peoples.",0.8316,positive,agreeing 1972,depressed,a fucking laptop lmao,speaker,1,"that's right folks, a laptop has caused me to relapse into old habits and idk wtf I'm doing anymore. I've been saving up for this laptop for a while and it was motivation for me to work and try, even a little bit, cuz I'm super into computers and shit. But, my dad has decided that I cannot use my own funding on a laptop I need and can borrow the shitty one our family shares so yay. I've spent this weekend hoped up in my room, sitting in bed, feeling like shit, and doing nothing. I have finals this week and I'll probably fail and idk if I care. I know I'm overreacting but this laptop would've given me something to do and a lot of freedom too. all of that just got snatched away so yeah. I've gone back to doing nothing and cutting when I'm too sad. I can't focus on shit and waste time on reddit and YouTube all day. can't handle this shit. fuck life man.",-0.1987,negative,devastated 1973,depressed,I think I’m depressed,speaker,1,"I’m a new marine, I go to ITB (more training) real soon. I report in tomorrow. Basically, I did cry when I earned the title . It was tough, and I made my family proud. But it’s just not “getting” to me. I don’t even feel like I earned shit. I don’t. I gave it my all. But I’m just fucked up about my life ? Idk. I’ve been through a lot. And I guess I’m just feeling alone. When I’m around my brothers we laugh and laugh. But here I am. I love drinking more than I ever have. That’s not a good thing. And I’m just stuck on some kind of loss of purpose and meaning. I was watching Twilight Zone, and a man wanted to live forever. He said to his wife Ethel something like, “Why must men die. They’re given such a short time to live even from birth. “ and then some other shit about insignificance. That’s where I’m at. Insignificance. Fuck. What am I supposed to say. But to keep going, feeling this way?",-0.9443,negative,sad 1973,depressed,I think I’m depressed,listener_1,2,Had the same sort of feeling when I completed navy boot camp about 3 years ago. Best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with good people and make your time in the military worth it and last but certainly not least go see mental health. All the companions I’ve made over time and Bobbie dive picked up have definitely helped. I wish I would’ve gone to mental health back when I was at my worst. It really does help. I took a break but IMO every military member should be visiting every few months. Tri care is there don’t let it go to waste. Stay strong devil dog.,0.8903,positive,faithful 1973,depressed,I think I’m depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you for the comment , sir. I’ll take that into consideration. The mental health thing. I know my grandpa was big on making models (all kinds of aircraft cuz he was in aviation) and it helped him cope. I love music, so yeah I could throw down some bars if I’m feeling some type of way. Really really appreciate the comment. I’ll take you up on what you said.",0.918,positive,grateful 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,speaker,1,I hate my job. Everyday I go in depressed and anxious. But I really need the money. I just want to be happy again.,0.3612,positive,sad 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,listener_1,2,What is it about the job that makes you have anxiety? Workload? Co workers? Type of work? Customers? My job nearly drove me to suicide a year or so ago. There was too much responsibility placed over me that I wasn’t used to. Gradually we got more manning and I grew into the position I was given.,-0.7998,negative,anxious 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,speaker,3,The work load is a lot compared to previous jobs I’ve had. 40 hours a week and I failed my college classes because of it :/ feel as if the boss always finds something to tell me off about. I’m the one that puts in 10 times more effort to make the place run smoothly. Coming in a half Hour early to sweep and get the whole place started the one that goes to lunch late and come back from lunch early to get everything caught up. I’m only 20 and I’m working harder than the 30 something year old that has been there for years. Still no pleasing him. I struggle with anxiety and depression and feeling like my boss is at my throat with stuff makes those two things sky rockets. Some days are fine and no complaints but it’s the days that suck that I fear every morning for. Idk if It’s just my mental illness making it’s so bad. Or if it’s really that bad.,-0.9845,negative,confident 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,listener_2,4,"It sounds bad. This is a job and not a career, right?",-0.5423,negative,acknowledging 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,speaker,5,It is a job for me a career for some people I assume.,0.0,neutral,jealous 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,speaker,6,I’m working on changing the load on work cause I really wanna focus on school so badly but working full time has screwed me so I’m saving up and hopefully get some student loans and go find a part time job. That’s what I’m really hoping for. But right now I need to save a good chunk to get myself set for a which is why having and trying to stay at this job. I also hope you find a change in jobs too that you’re comfortable in.,0.9604,positive,hopeful 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,listener_3,7,"That sounds like a practical plan. I, too understand having to save up in order to attend school, so great job for doing that. I'm still doing that and it's doable and achievable! And thank you so much for your kind words as they mean a lot to me truly. Please keep in touch! I'm also happy that you're doing what you can in order to achieve your dreams bc I know it is a difficult process. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers that we both can achieve our goals. Ty =)",0.9868,positive,agreeing 1974,depressed,I feel so stuck,speaker,8,You’re a very sweet person and I’ll keep in touch if you want. And I hope you get you dreams achieved also. And the depression and anxiety I take it one day at a time but I might go back on my medication during this stressful in my life. Idk everything you’re going through but we all have our issues. You seem like a genuine person so Try to stay positive if you need any advice I’ll be here honestly. I’m not one to turn my back on someone who needs a friend. Thanks for being so sweet and respectful it’s helped just to know someone is going through something similar. So thank you again.,0.9859,positive,caring 1975,depressed,Just need to take a minute.,speaker,1,"I’m a hairstylist. I love doing hair. It’s my passion. However, right now I literally dread going into work. I sit at home on my days off and scroll through hair instagrams or watch hair videos, but going into a so difficult. I have been sleeping for ~12 hours per night and wake up wanting to sleep the rest of the day away. Work is going really well for me, my clientele is rapidly growing, I’m making great, helpful recommendations and my guests actually listen and follow them. But I wake up and don’t want to go. I thought maybe taking a few days off would help, but my request was denied and I’m so down about it, I literally cried. Tell me I’m not alone here.",0.8907,positive,apprehensive 1975,depressed,Just need to take a minute.,listener_1,2,"All I want to do is sleep to escape my life and when I wake up, it is the worst feeling. I don’t want to be alive anymore. You are not alone",0.2593,positive,lonely 1975,depressed,Just need to take a minute.,speaker,3,"Which is also ridiculous considering I’m at the top salon in my area. Logically, I know I should not feel this way.",-0.1779,negative,jealous 1975,depressed,Just need to take a minute.,speaker,4,What sucks is that I do enjoy the work. I just feel like I’m going nowhere right now and it’s hopeless and that I’m terrible at it.,-0.4404,negative,disappointed 1976,depressed,Can't get out,speaker,1,"I'm lost. I tapered myself off Zoloft with Dr's consent of course, and started to become more hateful and suicidal in my head. I feel at loss for life and nothing makes me happy enough to want to stay. I slipped yesterday and said this year would be a good year to die, to my BF. I have been thinking it every day.. I am depressed, negative, anti everything and lost cause. I can't afford to see anyone and some of the reasons I feel this way are out of my hands too.",-0.9782,negative,sad 1976,depressed,Can't get out,listener_1,2,I was on 150mg zoloft for several years; went down to 100mg and so far there hasn't been anything brutal in the way of withdrawal -since May 4th. Maybe it takes a few months for bodies to adjust.,0.5258,positive,apprehensive 1976,depressed,Can't get out,speaker,3,"God I hope, I was my Grandmother caregiver last year and had some hard times it helped, but I felt numb. Since I have been off, my stomach problems have subsided. I have other medical problems that don't he;p, and the weight coming off, getting off Zoloft helped a bit. Next is hormonal check when I can.. I'm 40 so only God knows. I feel at a loss, just empty and I have so much good around me but.......... i just don't know",-0.6922,negative,lonely 1976,depressed,Can't get out,listener_1,4,"Mere survival is good enough IMO, and that helps me.",0.6705,positive,content 1977,depressed,Lost,speaker,1,"I feel completely lost, like i don't belong anywhere. As an attempt to fit in i tend to put other people before myself and that tends to constant disappointment and worthless relations. I've never had a relationship, maybe because i am to hard on myself, body image, unrealistic expectations for myself, unrealistic expectations for a partner, etc. I have no sense of direction anymore, everything seems meaningless, work is a monotonic routine that makes me loose all interest and excitement. School has disappointed me (perhaps i'm just disappointing myself) by not pushing for creativity, makes me loose all motivation, talentless people being praised, sub-par work being awarded, for now i juts see school as a means to an end, but its been a rough journey. I repeatedly play my greatest failures in life (on repeat) wondering why i constantly fuck up, then diving into questioning my decision to move to a new city, to start graduate school, to strive for something more. Dissatisfaction has taken me far but has overpowered me at times, leaving me wishing for an end.",-0.8171,negative,lonely 1977,depressed,Lost,listener_1,2,I feel sooo relating to this. This is how I am feeling too. If you want to chat don’t hesitate,-0.0772,negative,agreeing 1977,depressed,Lost,speaker,3,"Thanks for replying, i was doubting if i should've post it.",0.128,positive,neutral 1977,depressed,Lost,listener_1,4,You’re breathe for posting this and everything you feel is valid and real. Just know you’re not alone!,0.2575,positive,agreeing 1978,depressed,Why Doesn't Anyone Feel The Same About Me?,speaker,1,"Ok so I'll start this with my first crush and this one was a horrific tale. So I met her when she was newer, in about Grade 6. She had really liked me, and I her, I just didn't know what to do after we kissed and I freaked out. I said, ""That was wet."" I guess she wasn't expecting that, I didn't expect to say it. Anyways two years later (Grade 8) I get to know her better and she's just so, so fucking amazing. I fell in love so madly and pathetically. Now again I was a kid, but even I would later realize this wasn't love, I knew it, but in the moment, that felt like love. Anyways she I think loathed me, or at least felt nothing at all towards me. Even as her friend I felt she never really cared. There was nothing with us and she never cared. In the moment she always seemed like the best, and I never felt good enough for her, cause I thought she was just so perfect. I couldn't see how she mistreated me, ignored my afflictions and my pain, avoided even being the most removed thing from a friend. And then abandoning me for others, abandoning our whole friend group, but nonetheless, me, the person who always defended her. I won't lie, I was hell for her, I just was always telling her how I feel, even once during a suicide attempt I told her that I loved her and it's ok she didn't (alcohol poisoning). But I realized that I didn't matter to her, not anymore. She didn't see me, or care for me in any real sense, she was there for her and what she could get out of me. Nothing more, and nothing less. Maybe I was wrong to have become enfatuiated with her but it really sis help my understanding of love, and people, and how I want to be treated grow. So I guess I can thank her for that. My second was my first true love, (pathetically in Grade 9), she was actually perfect. Of course she had problems but they never took away how beautiful she was to me, how amazing she made me feel. How much I needed her and she needed me. But I never thought ""had"" to do things with her, I just wanted to be with her, hold her. I couldn't even jerk off to her cause when I saw her face, I wanted to hold her and love her more than I ever wanted anything in existence. And I was so sure she felt the same to me. And yet it ended because of my stupidity and alcoholism. I got drunk with a friend and her sister (my alcohol, it always is, I really couldn't stop drinking, and can't now) and ended up making out with her sister. I knew I had to tell her, and I had to end things, because she deserved so much better than me if I could do that to someone I loved and so I ended it and someone proceeded to tell me she had attempted to commit suicide cause of me. However untrue it was, I didn't know for weeks and it flung me into dangerous feelings all over again. Anyways once I found out it was bullshit I started to move on, and I just started going for the sister of my friend. Now the problem being the sister is quite anxious, and I take most things my friend says to heart, so her advice was actually what had fucked my chances of getting with her sister, which hurt more because her sister was so, so perfect to me. I think I loved her because I wanted someone to love, not cause I loved her. I reminded myself the truth, it wasn't love, just blind enfatuation, but it felt like love too. Anyways I knew how she felt before she could muster the courage to tell me, I knew whatever we had, she didn't feel anymore and I think it broke my heart. Because no one could love me, no one I love too. But it was her not telling me how she really felt that broke my heart. Anyways it sent me into an empty space for a long time and I've felt alone ever since. Maybe I keep forcing myself to not let out what's inside, what's bubbling in me, torturing me, poisoning my will to live. It never left my head and all I did was drink it away, or try to. But it never fucking stops does it? Feeling alone, unwhole. Feeling sad. I just wish someone I care about, cared about me too. Why can't they? Is there something wrong with me? Fuck me this rant doesn't make sense, it's just sad. Hoped this was the right subreddit",0.9974,positive,embarrassed 1978,depressed,Why Doesn't Anyone Feel The Same About Me?,listener_1,2,You are in the right subreddit; welcome!,0.5093,positive,wishing 1978,depressed,Why Doesn't Anyone Feel The Same About Me?,speaker,3,"I get that. Thank you for being honest, even if I didn't appreciate it right away. It means more than you know",0.5487,positive,trusting 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,speaker,1,We don't have to talk about what's depressing me or depressing things but we could if you want to. Just saying.,-0.2846,negative,neutral 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_1,2,I’m super depressed too..I’m sorry you are feeling this way... it fucking sucks,-0.2484,negative,sympathizing 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,speaker,3,"Yeah, what are you depressed about?",-0.2732,negative,questioning 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_1,4,I think it is just my brain. I’ve been depressed and anxious my whole life. I am a struggling musician with no career so far and I’m overweight because of a binge eating disorder. I’m slowly losing weight and I’m slowly building my career...but my brain will tell me I’ll never reach my goals and that I will eventually need to kill my self because I will never be happy. I honestly don’t have anything objectively to freak out about but my brain will tell me that I’m in danger everyday and that I can’t trust the world. Anxiety and depression are definitely no fun. How about you? Sounds like you are in a bad place too,-0.9688,negative,sad 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,speaker,5,What kind of music do you make? Yeah man food is annoying. Mainly women. But it's more than that. There seems to be a cult following me around. It's hard to explain but it's fucked up.,-0.8381,negative,annoyed 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_1,6,Rock and film scores. I’m trying to be a composer for media. A cult? What do you mean,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,speaker,7,"Nice, do you have a link to any of your work? It's kind of complicated, I'm not sure where to begin. But there has always been a kind of person or people wherever I go that purposefully single me out and hound me. Kind of chase me off and freak me out. Or I will get trapped in these situations then black out for hours. There's more to it than that but it sounds impossible. It's like my life is a weird sci-fi movie/episode of the twilight zone.",-0.7802,negative,questioning 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_2,8,sounds like you might have a small case of impostorism fidelitas88.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_1,9,Yeah I definitely feel like a “fraud” or an “imposter” a lot of times,0.7506,positive,agreeing 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_1,10,Jesus....is this the main reason for your depression? Have you told anyone about these situations yet,-0.5719,negative,questioning 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,speaker,11,Annoyed with what I feel. You?,-0.3818,negative,annoyed 1979,depressed,Depressed guy over here needing some conversation,listener_3,12,"I hope you are alright, I was in the same boat. I got medicated and now life’s not great but it’s looking up. Life has so much to offer, maybe go try new things, go for a short walk, maybe do something way out of your comfort zone that you know will make you anxious but could be rewarding. I’m only saying all this cause I was agoraphobic couldn’t even leave my house and now I’m studying and doing things I never dreamt of.. I could’ve even speak to people before I was that riddled with anxiety. I know it’s easy to say “go try this or go do that” but you can end up really surprised when you push yourself to try new things, or even old things. Calling up an old friend and asking to hang out , literally anything- yes it’s scary but if you do and then you start new things that roll you slowly out of the depression and keep your mind on exciting things to come then you start to see your world differently. Hope this helps :)",0.979,positive,apprehensive 1980,depressed,bad day,speaker,1,"Today was especially hard. Normally my default is somewhere between fine and bad, but today was just awful because there is so much extra shit going on in my life. They raised our rent $200 and we can’t a afford it, my dog is on her last stretch of life, and my stepdad is very obviously depressed. Normally in a situation like this I’d self harm but I promised myself I wouldn’t because I have a doctor’s appointment coming up and they look for that sort of thing. I feel so lost right now.",-0.9666,negative,devastated 1980,depressed,bad day,listener_1,2,"Hey I'm so glad to read that you're not going to self harm but I hope even if there was no near DR appointment, you won't resort to it. It is great that you're fighting from doing it. The only thing I can do is keep you in my prayers and thoughts that it will get better (not pushing religion onto you, it's something I like to do). I sincerely hope it gets better bc I know what it feels like to have an awful day or awful days...is there something I can do, like if you need to write to vent, I'm available. Wishing you better times ahead and strength to overcome this difficult time.",0.9831,positive,grateful 1980,depressed,bad day,speaker,3,thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 1980,depressed,?,listener_2,1,I’m not sure if I’m depressed or not. I don’t really feel any emotion except uselessness most of the time. I used to self harm and I sometimes think of killing myself. My parents didn’t seem to believe me the one time I said anything. I always want to go back to self harm because nothing helps.,-0.9645,negative,lonely 1980,depressed,?,listener_3,2,Something that helps me is to believe that a stable mood is possible.,0.5859,positive,faithful 1980,depressed,?,listener_4,3,YOURE so right! It’s who you surround yourself with!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 1980,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_5,1,"There's this girl I'm friends with and she has a boyfriend and I can't stop thinking about her. I want it to stop. I wish I never met her, but at the same time I just want to atleast talk to and see her more often. I haven't in over two weeks. I text her sometimes, but I just want to see her or have longer conversations through text, but I don't even know what to say. I want to tell her I love her, but I think she already knows. I want to say it anyways. I want all of it to fucking dissappear. And then it's like even if somehow at some point I ended up with her would I actually be happy. I never feel happy so how would that change anything. I want to gouge out my emotions from my brain and hate everyone and never see them again. How do I make it all stop? Please fucking somebody actually help me. People try but how am I supposed to get rid of the thoughts? How can I just move on? I feel like I'm physically falling apart.",0.9649,positive,jealous 1980,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_6,2,This seems complicated,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1980,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_5,3,"I get that, but God the one other person that replied looked like he had something to say, but he deleted it before I could read it. I'm so lost man. I just want to feel ok. I dont care about having sex or being alone. 8 just want to be alright with it.",-0.1603,negative,angry 1980,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_5,4,This is good advice. Thank you.,0.6597,positive,acknowledging 1980,depressed,What am I supposed to do?,listener_6,5,Always welcomed,0.34,positive,grateful 1981,depressed,Help me,speaker,1,"Hi my name is jordan and so recently it’s finals coming soon and I want to say that my parents are always yelling at me everyday for 2 years because of my grades at school. They say I’m failing cause of my girlfriend, I’m always on my iPhone. I always ignore stuff when I hear something that’s not important. My parents yell at me constantly and when I try to get stuff done the night before, I do it the next day. I usually do stuff the night before or a day before of tests and quizzes because that’s how I remember it easily for me. My mom was arguing with me today and said “I really want to stab you”, I asked her “ you want to kill me” and she said yes. She says I have to deal with this shit for 2 years and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel fine, there were sometimes I felt of killing myself but I couldn’t do it. I feel left out at school cause I’m always hanging out with my gf. I just do what I do but is there something wrong with me?",-0.9482,negative,ashamed 1981,depressed,Help me,listener_1,2,Could you talk to an adult at your school?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1981,depressed,Help me,speaker,3,I can but it’s like hard for me to talk to my teachers because I feel like I’m not close with them and I have a tutor but my math grade keeps falling,0.6124,positive,apprehensive 1981,depressed,Help me,listener_1,4,Could you call a helpline of some kind?,0.5267,positive,questioning 1981,depressed,Help me,speaker,5,I don’t know a helpline number,0.0772,positive,apprehensive 1981,depressed,Help me,listener_1,6,Google?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1982,depressed,"I don't expect this to be read, but I just have to get it off my chest.",speaker,1,"I screwed up the other day. There has been a friend that I have liked for past few months, and there has definitely been some flirting back. She broke up with her bf couple weeks ago, and it's been rough for her. But I didnt know exactly how rough until after I screwed up. The screw up? I got a bit drunk, and I told her I love her. Which, I believe I do, she is all I think about. She left shortly afterwards, and I apologized for it... And turns out, she has been missing her ex every night, and wants to be with him, even though she knows it isn't for the best. I hurt her, and I regret doing and saying it. And now, I feel like I am losing one of my closest friends. We used to text all the time.. Now, seems like an elephant is in the room. I know I screwed up, and I am trying to give her space. But I am so depressed. I caused this, and I hate myself for it. I miss her. Miss our good morning texts. Our good night texts. I miss the Drive safely texts... I miss that I had someone who cared about me, and I ruined it. I think I am losing her, and I feel like there is nothing I can do. I just want to be clear, please, I am not here for any pity, I know I messed up. But what do I do now? Do I wait for her to message? Or just talk to her like nothing has ever happened?... Ugh. Thanks",-0.9256,negative,ashamed 1982,depressed,"I don't expect this to be read, but I just have to get it off my chest.",listener_1,2,"If I were you I would: Ask her to talk, bring her favorite candy as a peace offering. Tell her you want to be her friend again and that your sorry for what you did. Express to her how much she means to you (in a platonic way!). Then let her make her own decision. I'm sorry this is happening to you, it's really hard to lose a friend. Even harder when you have feelings for them.",0.8495,positive,sympathizing 1982,depressed,"I don't expect this to be read, but I just have to get it off my chest.",speaker,3,"Thank you. She enjoys my cupcakes, I made her strawberry daiquiris ones and she loved them.",0.8658,positive,grateful 1982,depressed,"I don't expect this to be read, but I just have to get it off my chest.",listener_2,4,"I agree but remember you’re human just as she is. You have wants and needs as well. Don’t ever regret telling her how you felt, it could’ve been at a better time but you have that right to express your feelings no matter who it is. No matter the outcome don’t feel like you have to hide your feelings for the sake of someone else. If they care for you, they’ll understand.",0.8698,positive,agreeing 1983,depressed,"Dad passed from cancer, heavy funeral costs, gambled all my money, quit my job, looking to end everything.",speaker,1,"I'm depressed, dad passed away from cancer... had to pay 20000$ for the funeral, depressed and ended up gambling 10000$ and losing it all. Quit my job, I'm looking for an ending.",-0.9477,negative,devastated 1983,depressed,"Dad passed from cancer, heavy funeral costs, gambled all my money, quit my job, looking to end everything.",listener_1,2,"Just don't. ffs man, your dad is dead. He's not coming back. He died. We will all die. Killing yourself sooner than later does what exactly? Who do you plan to leave the debt to? Common man, you're in a dark place, get help. Don't drink. Don't smoke weed. Just get help.",-0.9151,negative,questioning 1983,depressed,"Dad passed from cancer, heavy funeral costs, gambled all my money, quit my job, looking to end everything.",listener_2,3,I agree with your ideas but this is too harsh. Obviously they are struggling with their dad’s death. You don’t have to rub that in.,-0.9209,negative,agreeing 1984,depressed,I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel,speaker,1,"I’m not expecting anyone to read this but I just need to post something. To give some background on my situation I’ll start out by saying I’m a 22 year old (M). I am one year out of college, graduating with a BA in Theatre Performance. I currently live on Long Island (NY) with my parents and commute basically everyday into the city. Furthermore I have over $120,000 in student loan debt. Both federal and private. I “fortunately” don’t make enough money so I don’t pay any of my federal loans apart of the Federal Forgiveness program. I do pay $751.91 a month in private and I need to refinance badly because interest kills me each month. But from my understanding I can’t refinance right now until my credit is better. I work a catering job as a source of income making $18 an hour and a large portion of my paychecks to towards my loan and I can barely save anything from it. Put on top of that train-fare and I maybe have $100 left over. I’m grateful I can still live with my parents but I want to be independent and live on my own but I can not afford that at all. Currently as an actor I have been having no luck booking any jobs. Before anyone says it, I know, this isn’t the ideal job everyone works. And I know it’s supposed to suck and not everyone gets lucky, but there is just so much work out there and I just refuse to believe that I’m a bad actor. It is mentally frustrating and I am eating myself alive because of how I look. I look like a typical New Yorker, kind of have a Long Island accent. I’ve been told many times that I am quite literally Joey from Friends. So as an actor (mostly musical theatre) I feel I am put in a box and overlooked for roles. Like because of how I look and where I’m from means I can’t be a typical leading man who has complex emotions or able to love. I have gotten a few callbacks for cruises this year but nothing else. I have been unemployed as an actor since December and my gigs that I did the previous year right of college weren’t anything to showoff about. It’s hard because my friends and my girlfriend around me are booking these awesome jobs and living the lives that I want so badly. I’m so proud of them and would never resent them for it but I am absolutely jealous. Going back to my looks, I’m 5’8 and I’m a bit overweight according to what I’ve read, but I don’t think if you looked at me with a shirt on you’d say I was. I was 200lbs and am sorta doing keto (my diet has been bad the last two weeks) and now weigh about 181. I thought doing it would make me feel better, but I just feel meh. I just feel lost. Like I want to focus on my acting career and apply everything that I’ve learned.... “learned” the last 4 years and give myself a shot before I step back and possibly call it quits because I’m not finding success. And I hate that I think that right now because I don’t want to quit this. But from a financial stand point and the burden of all these student loans I have, what choice do I have. I wish a millionaire would literally give me $150k. It would be like pennies. Just so I could be debt free from student loans. That way I could breathe a little and not feel like I’m getting fucked in the ass everyday. I don’t want to sit here and say I have depression because I don’t think that would be fair to those with depression. But I am depressed. I know you can’t look at other and compare their success to yours, but when they’ve grown up with a little more money, are debt free or paying little to no student loans a month and not feel so financially burdened and doing what I would love to do, it pisses me off. I am sad. I wake up everyday lost, confused, and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I’m breaking out, I feel tired all the time, and I’m losing my smile and I feel myself becoming a bitter human being. The biggest heartache is that I just want to impress my family. My parents are fully supportive and I’m grateful for that (especially with them being very conservative). I dread going to family events and having nothing to say about what’s going on in my life. Same with my friends when I actually can see them. Other than seeing my girlfriend (which all we mostly do now is watch Netflix and cuddle and go on an occasional walk since she lives in Jersey so we don’t see each other often) I have no social life. I’m just really sad. And I just want to be happy. I want to be relieved of my loans. I want to entertain people and show everyone that I can be a successful actor. I hope everyday that the future will be better but I lose that hope shortly after, because I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.",0.2344,positive,ashamed 1984,depressed,I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel,listener_1,2,">The biggest heartache is that I just want to impress my family. You are not obligated to impress anyone but show runners/producers/directors etc., your motivations should be based in your dedication IMO. I see too much pressure -just from your own assumptions.",-0.3406,negative,disappointed 1984,depressed,I just can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel,speaker,3,"Oh absolutely, and they don’t give any pressure as well. And I do put a lot of pressure on myself to succeed. It’s just something I’ve done my whole life and I hate that I do but it sucks. I wouldn’t say I’m a perfectionist though. I feel this pressure comes from the need of “ph shit I’m broke and I need to be succeeding since yesterday”",-0.8573,negative,agreeing 1985,depressed,Rabbit hole,speaker,1,"Hey guys. Just reaching out to every teen that's scared of the upcoming exams. Study. Study. Study before it's too late. Tomorrow I'm taking an exam and I haven't prepared anything for. And I fail I think I'll fail a lot of things, my future, my family everything. If it all goes to shit, I'll lose my gf, won't find a decent job that will be able to support me or my upcoming family... then I don't know what I'm going to do. So if you're a kid who's still studying and don't care about it you should re consider and think about your future.",-0.9432,negative,afraid 1985,depressed,Rabbit hole,listener_1,2,You really should have thought of that before but on the bright side i think u can appear for the exams again and can before beforehand so as not to get caught procrastinating,0.5927,positive,suggesting 1985,depressed,Rabbit hole,speaker,3,You're right. I was the kid who didn't think about future a lot. Some recent events that happened now has changed my perception of it now. I wish this has happened to me when I was younger but I guess there's no one to blame now besides myself. I am the one who has brought this upon myself and I have to live with it,-0.6187,negative,sad 1985,depressed,Rabbit hole,listener_1,4,Check in sure you could retake the exams.. I'm sure you'd loose some time but you would come out better,0.6705,positive,confident 1986,depressed,Uhhhggggghhhhggg,speaker,1,Fucks sake fucks sake fucks sake I've had enough I'm washing some codeine down with some anti freeze,-0.8859999999999999,negative,angry 1986,depressed,Uhhhggggghhhhggg,listener_1,2,Hey? 1 hour later: still here?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1986,depressed,Uhhhggggghhhhggg,speaker,3,"Yeah, ate some cake and had a good nut, still depressed but no longer gonna yeet myself",-0.34,negative,content 1986,depressed,Uhhhggggghhhhggg,listener_2,4,"Oh my god what a mood, you absolute fucking legend",0.2732,positive,acknowledging 1986,depressed,Uhhhggggghhhhggg,listener_1,5,Good strategy.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 1987,depressed,I thought I was improving.....,speaker,1,"Hi - I just found this sub. I tried searching Google and internetting but I'm just feeling more lost... I recently switched my meds over a month ago because it just didn't feel like they were working anymore. I thought I was feeling better, I thought I was more pleasant to be around, less snappy, etc (my depression and anxiety generally manifests in snappiness and anger). I met with my Dr. Today for a follow-up, told her I thought I was doing better, things felt brighter - it was still rough, but better than a month ago b I discussed it with my spouse, looking for some kind of feedback and basically found out I'm still unplesant as fuck to be around - some days are happy but generally shit......coool, like when were you planning on mentioning this? ""I know you've been having a rough time, but it's hard on me"" No fucking shit, it's hard on me - every goddamn second of the day is fucking hard. I'm trying, I planned to see the Dr to try to get better. I'm fucking TRYING. IM SO FUCKING SORRY I'm making your life so difficult too. For fucks sake. So ya currently sitting in a dark bathroom, sulking and angry and just wanting to eat and drink my feelings but don't want to start a screaming match in front of the kids ....so cool cool. Tldr: how the fuck do I think I'm doing better but apparently I'm still an unpleasant piece of shit",-0.9804,negative,anxious 1987,depressed,I thought I was improving.....,listener_1,2,"I'm in the same boat. Life is fucking boring. Anxiety and depression manifest in anger and snapping, I can totally relate.",-0.8995,negative,agreeing 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,1,"My boyfriend tried to kill himself last night. It’s been less than 24 hours and I’m still in shock. He’s alive, being treated in the hospital but l am broken. It hurts so so bad because I feel like I failed him. I didn’t do enough I wasn’t there for him. I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened if he’d actually succeeded. I don’t know what I would do if I lost him. I promise you it will get better. You will not feel like this forever. Everyone in your life will care so much more than you think. I’ve been in your shoes, I know how it feels to be helpless and alone. But please, you have no idea what will happen to those you’ve left behind, the ones that need you so so much more than you think. Your mom will never get over it Your dad will never get over it Your siblings will always miss you Your friends will blame themselves Your teachers/coaches will think they failed Your pets will never know what happened to you You matter so much and you are so much more than enough. Please keep fighting. Fight for yourself, the future that you’ll have. Fight for those close to you, the ones who love you and who need you. And if for none of them, for a random reddit user who you’ll probably never meet, but that loves you needs you all to keep going. To keep fighting.❤️",-0.9243,negative,devastated 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",listener_1,2,Damn onion cutting ninjas strike again...jokes aside thank you op. Sorry you had to go through that scare. Hugs all around.,-0.3612,negative,sympathizing 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,3,"First I just want to apologize. I really didn’t mean for what I said to come across as demanding, and I certainly am not trying to be selfish. If I hurt you, or offended you or anything like that I’m really sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I just meant that no matter what you may think, you are important and you do matter. Someone needs you, believe me I know, I’ve seen it before. I know I’m just a random person on the internet but I care. I know this might come off as weird but you can pm me if you ever feel like you just need a friend. Sometimes talking to someone, even if it’s just an internet stranger you’ve never met, can make a world of difference.",0.8596,positive,sympathizing 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",listener_2,4,That’s really patronizing,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,5,I am so so sorry for your loss. But please don’t start blaming yourself for this horrible tragedy❤️,-0.9541,negative,sympathizing 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,6,"Yeah ever since the attempt he’s been opening up to me more and more, and I’ve been doing what I can to help him as best as I can. He’s got some serious things going on at home rn that he never told me about, to the point the CFS might be getting involved. I feel really helpless because it’s pretty much all out of my hands, but I’m trying to help him however he needs.",0.8128,positive,caring 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",listener_3,7,You are a good person,0.4404,positive,proud 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,8,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 1988,depressed,"All of you out there who are considering suicide, I’m begging you please please don’t kill yourself",speaker,9,Me too tbh. When I was in a really dark place the only thing that kept me going sometimes was thinking about what it would do to my mom and sister,0.0,neutral,terrified 1989,depressed,i feel like ending it,speaker,1,i've been struggling with that thoughts for almost 3 years and ive been through a couple of attempts but nothing serious enough for anybody around me to care about. it got even worse since the beginning of 2019. ive got a twisted rhing going on with a girl who doesnt want me but doesnt really let me go. i was forced to move from the country i was raised in for 12 years. i had to leave my everything. now im 15 so i know thats nothing special really just another kid with some shit in his head but i honestly dont know what to do anymore. im not the type that talks about his problems on internet but ive had enough so i dont really give a shit who reads it i just need someone to do it.,-0.9622,negative,devastated 1989,depressed,i feel like ending it,listener_1,2,"This might seem like something everyone is saying, but you’re so young, so naive still and so unaware of life because you haven’t lived it yet. And that’s okay, most 15-year-olds haven’t. The great news about this is that things will get better. Right now the thing hurting are teenage stuff which doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt you or that it isn’t serious, but chances are that it’ll pass. You won’t be a teenager forever. About the girl, I’d try to keep a distance from her. Don’t answer her text, don’t talk to her at school a d otherwise, just for a little while. Chances are you’ll realise that you don’t need her or she’ll realise that she wants you as a friend and is willing to treat you as one instead of dragging you along. Also don’t be afraid to reach out to people. Friends, family, a guidance counselor even. I wish I had done that during my roughest periode. I’m sure in a few years or even months you’ll look back at this moment and now that you’re better and more wiser now. Wisdom comes with age most of the time and you’re still learning. Now go be who you want to be and stop letting people hold you back. Good luck!",0.9901,positive,neutral 1989,depressed,i feel like ending it,speaker,3,"thank you i really appreciate that someone actually cared to give a piece of advise, hope i'll pull that strength out of me before something bad happens",0.8718,positive,encouraging 1989,depressed,i feel like ending it,listener_1,4,I believe in you. You got this!,0.0,neutral,faithful 1989,depressed,i feel like ending it,speaker,5,i was planning to meet a therapeutist but i still have to wait at least month cause im moving back plus i never learned the language well enough to talk about this kind of stuff here (i live in germany). i feel uncomfortable talking about it with my mother my father is not there so the only person i have is the girl im in love with but shes the source of my problems and she only makes me feel worse so im left alone with all my problems,-0.8440000000000001,negative,lonely 1990,depressed,"That stage of your life when everything seems rock bottom, done and dusted",speaker,1,"As a student, I'm at that stage where currently my grades have hit absolute rock bottom, my friends are going on school sponsored trips to cool places like Germany and Switzerland, my social interaction has deteriorated so much I prefer solitary confinement and I feel lazy to do anything, I forget a lot of shit. Life sucks. It really does. Mine has gone to the stage where I'm starting to think, is it even worth giving it a try now? Is there a point in giving a shit. When I tell people about my ambition of becoming a pilot, which I really want to, they laugh at my face amd that triggers the shit outta me. Now I'm getting anger management issues? Geez, how bad and fucked up have I become?",-0.6648,negative,lonely 1990,depressed,"That stage of your life when everything seems rock bottom, done and dusted",listener_1,2,"you are not alone and the future is bright. become the person you always knew you were; share your ambitions and private thoughts with those you trust. you will succeed regardless of the negativity in your life. good luck on your journey, friend l.",0.9527,positive,wishing 1990,depressed,"That stage of your life when everything seems rock bottom, done and dusted",speaker,3,"Thanks buddy, ngl but I almost had a tear reading that comment. Love means so much at this juncture right now. ❤",0.9387,positive,sentimental 1990,depressed,"That stage of your life when everything seems rock bottom, done and dusted",listener_1,4,"there are good people out there waiting to meet you. they are feeling the same way, alone in a crowd and hungry to hear that someone understands them. that someone will be you. ❤️ be strong for them if ever it feels to hard to be strong for yourself. I love you, and the world needs you.",0.9153,positive,agreeing 1990,depressed,"That stage of your life when everything seems rock bottom, done and dusted",speaker,5,Thanks u/kawaiian . You truly are a nice person. May good things happen to you too,0.8885,positive,acknowledging 1991,depressed,I know there’s something wrong with me but I don’t want therapy.,speaker,1,"I know at this point. I’m beyond what people call ‘sad’ I’m definitely not alright but I don’t want to go to therapy because I don’t want my family to know. Especially my grandparents. They’re highly religious and wouldn’t understand how I’m feeling. I’m religious and I love God but no matter how hard I pray I just feel like I’m not good enough for God and just want to talk someone face to face it through the internet... anywhere. Living with my Grandparents (although they are good people) I feel absolutely awful. I never wanted to come live with them and now that I do, all I ever want to do is leave or runaway. It’s become hard because every time they put me down or yell at me I get in my depressive state again and shutdown. I cry in my room most the time and all I really want is to talk to someone. I’ve tried to do it over the internet but it really didn’t work out and the “therapist” I was talking to really didn’t seem interested so I just left our conversation and deleted the app. I tried contacting other people that weren’t therapist but people that were going through the same thing or would hopefully give me advice. No one replied. I’m just tired. I’m emotionally drained and all I really want to do is die. Sometimes I just pray to God to take me but I know I really don’t want to go... I just don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to continually be yelled at. I don’t want to be ordered when to eat and what to do every second of the day. I don’t want to have to keep apologizing for doing something “wrong” that wasn’t wrong at all. I just want to be happy. I just want to be hugged. I just want out of here. Be it where I’m living, it life itself. I’m depressed and I know I need help but I don’t think anyone cares and I’ve come to the point that I don’t either. This was me venting because I have no one to vent to.",0.9546,positive,ashamed 1991,depressed,I know there’s something wrong with me but I don’t want therapy.,listener_1,2,"For some people theropy works better then drugs, and vise virsa. It depends if you feel like it will help, for those who look for help receive it.",0.8689,positive,neutral 1991,depressed,I know there’s something wrong with me but I don’t want therapy.,speaker,3,Yeah I guess. Thanks.,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 1992,depressed,In the well...,speaker,1,"Lately I been dumped, exfriended by people I known for years, get yelled at for anything that's out of my control and most of all.... I seem to be the only person I talk to outside of family. I hear what people want to say and see the lies. I hate it so god damn much. White lies feel like niddles stabbing the skin, lies feel like bombs, and lies from family are the biggest baddest nukes going off in my head.. Some days it's unbearable to the point of me flipping a coin on my life, and seemingly my bad luck decides to keep me alive. Some days I am in a well with people trying to help me out, only for them to push me back in.... Help or hurt me, either way it's pain.",-0.8998,negative,angry 1992,depressed,In the well...,listener_1,2,"Family can be annoying, but it won’t alwYs be like this, go and sit down and try to talk to them and if they lie catch them out with it. Tell them your hurting and it’s serious. You have to talk about how you are feeling.. don’t hide it",-0.4404,negative,neutral 1992,depressed,In the well...,speaker,3,They just yell and blame me for doing this and that wrong,-0.6705,negative,angry 1993,depressed,i just want to die,speaker,1,i have no motivation to keep going,-0.2584,negative,sad 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_1,2,"Why? What is happening in your life? Is it something that whole difficult, will pass? Do you have anyone to talk to? Please don't. You have something unique to give to the world, even if you haven't worked it out yet.",-0.2869,negative,questioning 1993,depressed,i just want to die,speaker,3,i have nothing i have no one i'm useless i have nothing unique to give to the world,-0.2292,negative,lonely 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_2,4,"I am trying to turn depression into logical question when im really considering meaning and worth of life. Even if all of those things are true right now, i want to ask can you have something in your life you like, can you have fun on your own, can you learn new skills. Dont try to compare yourself to others i know its really hard but.. when everyone else runs a ""race"" towards goals you wish to achieve, its not even logical to expect yourself to be as good as everybody else. You had different struggles, different body and upringing. Think it as if your goal is to be rich and you have nothing when you born, then you compare yourself to other guy who got 1M dollars when they born is it fair to compare yourself to that person? If you saw person just like you would you think he is worthless? I think you would think he had extraordinary hard life but his worth as a human is not less of those others who were closer to their goals or achieved them faster than you. I have massive problem of comparing myself to others too but lets try to focus on our own goals. - What i can do today to be more of person i want to be? Depression is really good at turning yourself against you. Try to stop those thoughts as soon as you can even though they can feel even rewarding in that moment, and set SAME expectations to yourself as you would set to other people.",0.9251,positive,questioning 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_1,5,"I don't think that is true. Of all of the millions of sperm to fertilise the egg, all the eggs to be fertilised, they made you. Do you are amazing to even have been born. And I bet there is something you are amazing at. But maybe you haven't been given the resources and/or time to p",0.6908,positive,suggesting 1993,depressed,i just want to die,speaker,6,can you say anything new please? this doesn't help at all,0.0108,neutral,questioning 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_3,7,"Why downvoting, it's true... Go tell your parents who think that they can't be proud of you that you're one of the millions of sperms. Go tell all the girls/men that don't like you back enough that you're unique. Being the only sperm, unique by its existence, doesn't make your closest friends stay and not move abroad. And most certainly it doesn't make you feel any fucking better, because everyone is this unique sperm, so what's actually so unique about it...",0.7976,positive,angry 1993,depressed,i just want to die,speaker,8,life is just a meaningless existence,-0.4404,negative,sad 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_1,9,Cheers for assuming it was me who down voted. They haven't given any information about what is wrong so I was trying to help them. Heaven forbid someone tries to help someone but doesn't quite hit the mark. My point was that even them being born makes them amazing because there isn't anything else I can say without knowing what is happening for them. And you're criticising my attempt to help but haven't even tried yourself. But I'm the problem here.,0.705,positive,annoyed 1993,depressed,i just want to die,speaker,10,i have nothing to do everything is boring games are boring movies are boring people are boring &#x200B; i spend all my time in my bed because i have nothing better to do,-0.8627,negative,annoyed 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_3,11,"You totally missed the point and got mad about things that were not aimed at you, I just tagged you to explain why it doesn't help at all, not that I thought you down voted them. That would make no sense, so",-0.8462,negative,angry 1993,depressed,i just want to die,listener_1,12,"I could read it without you tagging and just the fact they said it didn't help tells me that it didn't help, I don't need to hear from you why. But again your post is about bringing people down instead of helping anyone.",0.1386,positive,neutral 1994,depressed,I don’t want to feel empty,speaker,1,"I am now depressed for 6 years, i tried to kill myself a few years ago. I had no friends and i had not a good connection with my family. I have now build a big network of friends, but i feel so empty. I still feel depressed. I don’t know what it is but i keep feeling alone, like i am no part of it. It feels like i am a ghost but everyone can see me. What is wrong with me? Why do i keep feeling so empty and alone? What should i do?",-0.9713,negative,lonely 1994,depressed,I don’t want to feel empty,listener_1,2,"nothing is wrong with you. everyone struggles with their mental health at one point or another. sometimes life feels empty and meaningless and like we’re just delaying the inevitable but something doesn’t have to have a purpose for it to matter. find the things that you love, that you’re passionate about, and surround yourself with them. find the books, movies, shows, art, games or just whatever that makes you feel ANYTHING. good emotions or bad emotions. recognize these feelings and learn from them. keep growing and finding more things you love. find the people that make you smile and laugh. even if the smiles and laughs go away quickly, appreciate them while they are here. try to be the person that makes other people happy. in the long run, all that matters is the connections you make and the experiences you have and growing from them. at the end of it all, you won’t thing about how your hair looked, how you dressed, or the things you owned. just keep trying to feel things.",0.9935,positive,questioning 1994,depressed,I don’t want to feel empty,listener_2,3,A+ post right here OP,0.0,neutral,impressed 1995,depressed,life sucks,speaker,1,"I’ve been thinking about ending my life for almost 1 year now, I try to be happy in front of my friends because I don’t want them to be worried about me, but each day that passes I feel more and more alone. I’m useless.",-0.6684,negative,lonely 1995,depressed,life sucks,listener_1,2,"You are loved and you matter. You may not see it right now but you are. And this comes from a complete stranger. Try finding a hobby you like. Even something simple like collecting rocks or meditating. Maybe it’ll help your feelings of being useless because you use this hobby to do something. Anything. And talk to yourself daily in a posive manner. Try writing down three good things that have happened that day every night before bedtime. Even if it’s just something small like getting out of bed, brusning your hair and putting on clothes. Eventually you’ll start seeing that more good things happen to you than you think. Be selfish for once and just be. But be aware of you and your attitude towards yourself. You’re gonna be here for a long time still and without being at peace with yourself, it’s gonna be an uphill battle. Even when you feel alone, you have yourself and I bet that’s great company. You just gotta go see for yourself.",0.9196,positive,sentimental 1995,depressed,life sucks,speaker,3,"thank you so much, this made my day",0.3612,positive,sympathizing 1995,depressed,life sucks,listener_1,4,"I’m happy to hear that! One last thing, talk to your friends! You may not think they’ll understand or maybe think that they’ll think different of you, but chances are that they‘ll understand you and relate to you more than you think. I speak of experience.",0.7339,positive,surprised 1995,depressed,life sucks,speaker,5,"thanks, I’ll try to do that!",0.4926,positive,acknowledging 1996,depressed,I want to scream and cry. I haven’t been able to make myself do anything simple. I’ve literally not brushed my long ass hair in a couple of months and I just want to shave it all off and hide from the world.,speaker,1,Basically neglected my hair. It’s gotten so matted it looks like a neglected street dog is living on my head. it’s a mess. I don’t know how it got so bad. I can’t make myself deal with it because every time I try to sort it out I end up having a breakdown. I feel so pathetic and disgusting and dirty when I think about it. It just makes me want to cry and run a blade across my body. I’ve become so disconnected and strange. I’m not me anymore.,-0.9808,negative,ashamed 1996,depressed,I want to scream and cry. I haven’t been able to make myself do anything simple. I’ve literally not brushed my long ass hair in a couple of months and I just want to shave it all off and hide from the world.,listener_1,2,"I know exactly how you feel, that happened to me sophomore year in high school! It was one of the worst years of my life, I was depressed for months and my hair wound up so severely matted I couldn’t even put it into a bun because there wasn’t enough hair at the end to make one because it was all at the top. I know it’s going to suck to hear this but you have to let one or two people you really trust to tell them about it (for me it was my aunt and my mom who had found out about it by accident) and you’ll need some really really greasy shampoo/conditioner and they’re going to have to use it to try and comb out as much of it as possible. Some of it will need to be cut out, unfortunately because some parts are going to be like cement and won’t come apart but since what you’ll be using will be really greasy, a good portion should be able to be untangled. It’s going to take several hours depending on how long your hair is and how badly matted it is (we found out mine was apparently almost waist length when we were done) but it’s a little easier than going to a hair salon (at least for me - I was so embarrassed and depressed by it I don’t want to go out in public). I was a little lucky since my aunt used to be a hairdresser (though I’m not sure how much it helped her since it was mostly cutting and detangling) but my hair still ended up being just above shoulder length by the time it was over and my head hurt like hell due to the detangling process. It was so worth it in the end, though and I almost cried because I could finally run my fingers through my hair for the first time in about six months. If you don’t want to do it at home with a couple of people though, I would definitely suggest going to a hair salon; this is too much to do on your own. I hope this helped and that everything works out fo you.",-0.9402,negative,agreeing 1996,depressed,I want to scream and cry. I haven’t been able to make myself do anything simple. I’ve literally not brushed my long ass hair in a couple of months and I just want to shave it all off and hide from the world.,listener_1,3,It’s been a couple of years but I think what I used was called Africa’s Best Kids’ Organics Detangle Lotion,0.7783,positive,neutral 1997,depressed,Easier way to kill myself?,speaker,1,Looking for the best way too kill myself relatively painless way if possible? I’m just tired of living what’s the point of being betrayed over and over again? I’m tired I’m so tired,-0.9127,negative,devastated 1997,depressed,Easier way to kill myself?,listener_1,2,"You know, I think about it everyday. I have thought about it everyday for a decade or so. But I find reasons why it's not worth it. Sure, most of them are probably bad choices but at the moment they give me inspirations and sensations of worth and good. I don't know how old you are, I haven't gotten past your post, but I can find one reason why you don't need to if we started chatting. The cliche is a cliche because it's held true for the most part over time but it's also a cliche: it's not worth it. Let's be fair, it's your life, you (all those with Free Will) determine what is worth what so why is life any different. I just think, after staring at an unsatisfied life for a long time now, that there must be something or someone to find your heart at the end of the day.",0.9506,positive,content 1997,depressed,Easier way to kill myself?,listener_2,3,The one part that keeps me going is thinking what my parents reactions would be.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 1997,depressed,Easier way to kill myself?,speaker,4,Then where should I ask?,0.0,neutral,questioning 1997,depressed,Easier way to kill myself?,listener_3,5," I don't know, nor will I find out for you.",0.0,neutral,afraid 1998,depressed,Found this kid on omegle,speaker,1,heres the chats: >!You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!!< >!You: What brings you to this cursed land!< >!Stranger: I’m looking for fun!< >!Stranger: Hbu!< >!You: Guiding people to a treasure I cannot possess!< >!Stranger: Wat kind of treasure in particular?!< >!You: Happiness!< >!Stranger: Eh🤷🏾‍♂️!< >!Stranger: Don’t really need happiness!< >!You: Ok I can take it from you!< >!Stranger: I don’t have any happiness for u to take really!< >!You: Ok I can make you sad!< >!Stranger: It’s already been stolen!< >!You: By who!< >!Stranger: My dad!< >!You: How did he do it!< >!Stranger: By leaving me!< >!Stranger: As a baby!< >!You: Is he alive!< >!Stranger: Yup!< >!You: Simple take away his life!< >!You: cha cha real smooth!< >!Stranger: Lmao!< >!Stranger: I wish I could!< >!You: No im for real!< >!Stranger: I know!< >!Stranger: I’m being serious!< >!You: I ended my parents lives in the most spectacular of ways!< >!Stranger: Ooooh tell me!< >!You: One burned himself to death!< >!Stranger: Nice!< >!You: The other drank herself to death!< >!Stranger: Wat did she drink?!< >!You: Alcohol!< >!Stranger: Rubbing alcohol?!< >!You: She'd come home tired and mad only to find wine and whiskey in front of her!< >!Stranger: Okay okay!< >!Stranger: Wat happened next?!< >!You: Alcohol poisoning and straight to hell!< >!Stranger: Nice but I think u could have done a lot better!< >!You: well the other was mad!< >!You: I yelled at him with painful truths!< >!You: and bam he went straight for the gas tank!< >!Stranger: Okay nice!< >!You: Now without them reality can be whatever what I want!< >!Stranger: U damn right!< >!You: Now do you want to know how to end his life ?!< >!Stranger: Yes😈😈😈!< >!You: Tell me more about him!< >!Stranger: Idk much about him tbh!< >!You: Ok you can murder him brutally!< >!You: And live in the dark!< >!Stranger: Yes!< >!Stranger: I love the dark!< >!You: Are you a girl or a boy!< >!Stranger: Boy!< >!You: Ok living there will be harder for you!< >!Stranger: Nah not really!< >!You: Believe me it is!< >!You: as a girl i can always offer sex for money!< >!You: And a young girl will sell like hot cakes!< >!Stranger: Yeah ur right!< >!Stranger: I could always murder people for money!< >!You: now the other option is budy budy with him!< >!Stranger: Never I rather die!< >!You: and switch his life upside down!< >!Stranger: If I set goals for myself I will complete them at all cost!< >!You: Show him good feelings and make him feel happy!< >!You: study his habits and plan for his death by himself!< >!Stranger: Yeah!< >!You: Whats his story anyways!< >!Stranger: Got my mom pregnant with me n left!< >!You: Just like that!< >!Stranger: Yup!< >!You: Ok straight to hell he goes then!< >!You: in the bottom!< >!Stranger: Black men’s greatest magic trick is disappearing!< >!You: Ok!< >!Stranger: I know pretty fucked up right!< >!You: Make him disappear for good!< >!Stranger: Ohhh trust me I will😈😈😈!< >!You: Feel no pain!< >!You: Feel no shame!< >!Stranger: Oh I won’t!< >!You: Ok it was great talking to you!< >!Stranger: Yup u too!< >!You: Good luck with your journey!< >!Stranger: Oh by any chance do u know how to get to the dark web?!< >!You: Do you have a computer ?!< >!Stranger: No!< >!You: What kind of phone then ?!< >!Stranger: iPhone n android!< >!You: Go on android and get Orbot and orfox!< >!You: One is the browser the other is what connects you to the treachery in hell!< >!Stranger: Okay!< >!You: Ok bye!< >!Stranger: Bye!< >!You have disconnected.!< >! !<,0.9951,positive,afraid 1998,depressed,Found this kid on omegle,listener_1,2,What the fuck,-0.5423,negative,angry 1998,depressed,Found this kid on omegle,speaker,3,Uh I think he did it,0.0,neutral,neutral 1999,depressed,"Suicide is not answer, its contradiction.",speaker,1,"If you think you are not worthy of life, you are also saying other people in your situation are not worthy of life! \-Its contradiction made up by your illness.",-0.8318,negative,angry 1999,depressed,"Suicide is not answer, its contradiction.",listener_1,2,"not really, they can die with me for all i fucking care. if they really were in the same situation they'd think so too.",-0.1706,negative,agreeing 1999,depressed,"Suicide is not answer, its contradiction.",speaker,3,You just said you dont care if they die. Thats not same as thinking 'they should commit suicide' or 'i want those people to die'.,-0.925,negative,neutral 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,1,"Well over a decade ago I was in a serious car crash where I was put in a coma because of my injuries. I wasn't meant to survive the injuries, a lot of the time the nurses thought they had lost me. I have even failed the response tests twice, that would've meant turning off my life support for me to die. Yet I am here, I have recovered immensely despite odds stacked up against me but I feel my life wasn't worth waking up for. To keep this post short, I regret waking up, it wasn't worth the trauma I sustained. It wasn't worth the social, emotional and psychological strain I was put under. To this day, I have not found a reason as to why it was worth all this trouble. This second chance should have been given to a person who appreciates being here.",-0.4937,negative,devastated 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_1,2,"You woke up because there is a reason for your existence. However hard your life is right now, just remember that the universe wants you here. Please hang in there and continue to reach out if you need it.",0.25,positive,faithful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,3,"I had the same thought when I was younger. As I got older and experienced more downfalls than silver linings, I can't see a reason for my existence.",0.0,neutral,content 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_2,4,A gift requires a willing recipient. Life is a creation you can't create someone and then call it a gift. That makes no sense.,0.5975,positive,trusting 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_3,5,"Life is a constant struggle and misery, and then you die. I would hardly consider that a beautiful gift but that's just me",-0.2617,negative,sad 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_4,6,"You can't have good without the bad, overcoming without struggle, pleasure without pain, etc... It's a gift like getting a Lego kit you need to assemble. It can be really beautiful if you make it, otherwise you can just pout over a box of Lego pieces, complaining it's not put together already. The fun is in the struggle of building it and admiring your accomplishment... and then you get a new kit when you're finished and do that. That's life.",0.926,positive,proud 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,7,"I seriously don't see how you can stay so.... positive about it. I was like you when I was in my early 20s (since the event happened when I was 11y.o and I kinda had a grasp of things by my 20s) but over the years it has slowly faded. I don't know if I am happy dying now but I would say it probably would've been better if they just went ahead and shut off my life support when I failed the responsive tests. Mind you I am not sitting around doing nothing. I am currently studying to be a nurse and the regret as been me since I can remember, it's just that as of late, it has weighed heavily on me. I'm just sick of the uphill battle",0.34,positive,hopeful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,8,"See, I used to have this view but over time I just had enough of the struggle. It's been a constant grind, 19 years of it. A lot of emotional investment, a lot of people trying to mess with me at the same time as trying to get myself back to a functioning and independent adult. Looking back at my accomplishments and how hard I worked I still regret waking up because of the strain it has put me.",-0.872,negative,sad 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_4,9,I responded to your other message.,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_5,10,"A gift doesn't need a willing recipient, just like that horrible sweater your grandma may have given you, you weren't willing to take it and actually wear it, but you accepted it for her sake. Life is definitely different from an ugly sweater, but giving someone life could be considered a gift. The mother makes this conscientious being who can do amazing things, it is a gift to be alive. Many humans just don't realize it. It's sad honestly, because life is beautiful and even though it may suck at times, there are so many others experiences that help make up for the good. The things you appreciate in life.",0.9881,positive,sentimental 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_4,11,"I'm 45 rn, I was depressed/suicidal from 2003 - 2018. The philosophy I've developed has allowed me to understand life, lose over 100lbs (got about 50 to go), stopped painkillers (went alone through horrible withdrawls alone) and changed my view on everything, thanks to Xenu and essential oils (that's a joke - it's not a cult or mlm). I'd try to explain it here, but it's hard to do and I hate the idea of trying to convince another person unless they really want to know because it's so easy to shrug off but and took me a while to understand but now would never think any differently. It's very close to the zen philosophy. I think it can only be achlved personally, but it can be guided. Watch ""the peaceful warrior"" for an example at least. It's on kodi I hear... At least spend two hours before deciding anything, ok? That's about zen philosophy. If you're interested in more, I'm here.",0.7907,positive,grateful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,12,lol yeah been trying,0.6124,positive,acknowledging 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_6,13,Take a vaca,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,14,"Oh I am making the best of it, I am very ambitious strangely enough. I just feel it was not worth waking up to",0.665,positive,devastated 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_2,15,"A gift needs a recipient by definition my mistake for saying willing recipient but my point still stands life isnt a bit a gift but a creation. For something to be a gift, the recipient has to already exist. Someone may take a gift even if they don't want it but they still have a say in the matter. Life has no such choices you are forced to exist. In no way is something given by force a gift.",0.8597,positive,neutral 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,16,"I dunno, the pain has never faded and it's been 19 years. If anything it has made it worse",-0.7506,negative,neutral 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_7,17,Life is more likely to give you good moments or people if you live it to its fullest despite fear.,0.6734,positive,hopeful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,18,"Yeah that is not the case for me, believe it or not but I don't just sit around whining. I have achieved things people that know my past wouldn't have dreamed of me doing. Achieved things beyond my capacity despite being afraid or doubtful about myself. I am pretty sure that is living life to it's fullest. But with all that effort, life has not been gracious.",-0.1245,negative,content 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_7,19,That’s good. Use those memories to reinvigorate your life today to possibly have even more of those victories.,0.7351,positive,hopeful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,20,Not really. Victories from the past and future victories don't mean much when the effort and reward is not worth it,0.465,positive,sad 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_7,21,Just don’t give up. The world is more unexpected than it seems.,0.0,neutral,faithful 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,22,I never said I am giving up. It's not in my nature. I am stating waking up and going through this is regrettable,-0.2263,negative,ashamed 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,23,Wasn't long. It was 2 1/2 weeks,0.0,neutral,neutral 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_8,24,U cute? Can I see face?,0.5204,positive,questioning 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,speaker,25,"Nah, the sight of me will make you vomit blood from ulcers forming within your stomach and your eyeballs will explode",-0.1027,negative,terrified 2000,depressed,Regretting waking up from a coma,listener_8,26,I bet ur cute op.,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,1,"17y/O, less than ideal living conditions, don't want to go to school, procrastinate all the time, 0 relationship with family, no aspirations. I don't really know what I should do, find enjoyment in practically nothing. Hate my current life.",0.8073,positive,lonely 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_1,2,Have you reached out to your doctor?,0.1027,positive,questioning 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,3,"Yes, have semifrequent meetups but I can't see any positive in them. I don't feel like they are changing anything really",-0.6909,negative,neutral 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_1,4,What state are you in? You can probs go to a Pysh and they will diagnosed you. Call your doc office and ask them to give you a referral.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,5,"Im in Australia, haven't been asked to see any specialists yet, and don't have the means to find any visits either. Negative relationship with parents too",-0.5719,negative,agreeing 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_1,6,"Damn. I'm sorry. I feel like if you look around there could be a mental health group that you can go to and talk about what you are going through? I am not sure where in Australia, and you don't have to tell me, but if you put into Google, ""mental health group Australia,"" you should find something close.",-0.1855,negative,sympathizing 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,7,"I don't feel like my case is that bad though, I still have food, education and a roof. I think I might have anxiety too (or I'm a pussy) because I really hate the thought of having to open up to someone. I'm not even clinically diagnosed for anything.",-0.8835,negative,anxious 2001,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_1,8,"That's rough. My parents don't believe that I have depression (which I am diagnosed with, but I still have to talk to the psych at the depression center next door). If you think your doctor isn't helping, best to speak to another one.",-0.9358,negative,sad 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,1,I want to end this all because of one person. More details here: [https://www.reddit.com/r/bullying/comments/bver6o/bullied\_and\_stalked\_by\_one\_boy\_i\_need\_advice/](https://www.reddit.com/r/bullying/comments/bver6o/bullied_and_stalked_by_one_boy_i_need_advice/) Person I fell in love with was bullying me everyday and now he is cyberstalking me. When I told him that I have depression because of that and I want to kill myself he and his friends told me that I should do it and that he can't wait for this. Maybe I should?,-0.6597,negative,faithful 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,listener_1,2,Please talk to someone with the power to help you.,0.6124,positive,questioning 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,3,Nobody believes me and nobody cares.,0.4588,positive,ashamed 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,listener_1,4,Still no reason to self-harm.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,5,"It will take too long and there is no evidence that can't be photoshopped easily, so he can say its fake.",-0.7458,negative,agreeing 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,6,Only when I'd do this he'd leave me alone.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,listener_2,7,personal messages/sms cant be faked,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,listener_1,8,Your health is more important.,0.2716,positive,agreeing 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,9,He was bullying me at school and now he is cyberstalking me by sending fake screenshots of some messages to my friends and school.,-0.5994,negative,devastated 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,10,I know and he is just destroying this health.,-0.5574,negative,agreeing 2002,depressed,I want to end this.,speaker,11,"Thanks for this answer, but the problem is that he is 2000km away from me now. When we were in one school he was bullying me everyday and now he is cyberstalking me. Its hard to ignore if someone is destroying your reputation with some fake screenshots and everyone believes him in his lies.",-0.9789,negative,neutral 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,speaker,1,"This evening is the third day of a four day weekend. I've felt terrible throughout. I saw a friend on Saturday at an art event, but otherwise I haven't seen anyone. I expected to see the person I'm closest with twice, but he cancelled on me both times. Whenever he does, my heart drops. It'll be hard to get up and do shit for a few minutes after. I know this dependancy isnt healthy, but I don't know who else to go to. Although I do love my other two friends, they don't feel the same as when I'm with him. Anybody at my current high school is out of the question, since I'm transferring in September and I hate most of them, though I know it's irrational. I don't believe I can find anyone to lean on like i lean on him. Summer is going to be me feeling empty and lonely every day. I can barely survive without other people. It's hard for me to ask people to do stuff because I'm always the one asking, they rarely try to organize stuff and it leaves me feeling burdensome. Especially on my best friend- he surely doesn't want me as close as I want to be. He rarely asks to hang out with just me, and when he does he always makes sure to ask some of our other friends. While I do have a good time, I often get exhausted quickly and fall out of the conversation. Probably some of my best memories of the past few months are cuddling and watching Netflix with him. I often think of him when I'm bored in class. I'm very reliant on other people, and when I don't see people for a couple days I just sorta become numb and run on autopilot. I don't know how to break it and become my own person.",0.9705,positive,lonely 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,listener_1,2,"It's going to be very hard to hear this, but you're going to have to learn how to be you without him. I can't say that I have had a situation like this, but when my last relationship was over, I didn't know how to be myself without him. But you have to learn to respect yourself in this way. If he doesn't ask you to hang out alone or doesn't want to take the time be with you, then he doesn't deserve you! You are so much better without him and once you learn that type of self respect to drop people like him who don't want to hang out with you, you learn a lot about who you really are and who you don't need in your life. I say try to build up yourself and start to learn how to be someone without him. It will be hard and it will be everything to do with how you act on your own and how you think without him. You have got thos and I have faith in you, you just have to keep swimming, even if he isn't by your side.",0.9538,positive,neutral 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,speaker,3,"Thanks. I think I may have portrayed our relationship wrong in this post. While he almost completely ignores me over text, he seems to have a good time when we hang out, even when it's just the two of us. He seems genuinely sad when he has to cancel plans, and even though it does happen pretty often, I would believe that his parents would prevent him from going out. That being said, I think it is important to be self sufficient. I'll often feel great when I'm with other people but I crash as soon as I'm back at home. Hanging out with people probably isn't the best solution if I feel so low any other time. I don't know if I like him romantically or not. I don't know if I like all of his qualities or see so much of what I wish I could be in him. I would want to do relationship stuff with him, but I know that we can't be around each other all the time. Since we're in different schools, we only see each other once, maybe twice a week. On my own I find it hard to get joy out of something for a long period of time. Maybe I can play piano or write music for an hour every couple of days, two at most. Having so much free time ahead of me is daunting. Luckily, I'll be doing an advanced summer math program for 5 weeks, then an internship. Hopefully that'll give me enough of a framework to not be completely out of it all the time. It's just hard to do anything when I'm alone.",0.9746,positive,grateful 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,listener_1,4,"Oh! Sorry I might have read this post wrong, my apologies. I really do hope you find something when you are alone then and that things go well for you! Being lonely does suck and unfortunately the only thing that really helps it is finding something to do. Whether it involves a nap, catching up on homework, or something around there, it all is within you to find joy in something to do while alone. Perhaps you just never want the party to end when you are occupied with others, which I completely get, but finding your own time and being alone can sometimes help refuel you! Always remember your mind needs some time for itself too! (Hopefully that helps a little more, if not, I am terribly sorry. My mind is not functioning rn ironic or not)",0.9154,positive,sympathizing 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,speaker,5,"Yeah I'm doing some 2-in-the-morning rambles so I'm not completely there either. I think giving myself a somewhat rigid plan or project to do will help me, but I can never get anything done without some sort of external force saying that if I don't do it there will be some kind of consequence, as I often let myself off the hook too easily. Until that starts working for me, I'll do my best to keep in touch with people. Anyways, thank you so much for all your help, you're really sweet :)",0.9828,positive,trusting 2003,depressed,Scared of summer,listener_1,6,"Thanks! I try hard, but sometimes I have to follow my own advice and make time for myself. I exhausted myself after pulling a bunch of doubles recently at work, so working to get things done on my own will like taking care of myself is on the priority list. Just don't exhaust yourself out to the point where you get sick, because let me tell ya, it is not fun! If you want to do things on your own will, try reminding yourself how important they are to get done. If that doesn't help, prove yourself wrong that you can't do things on your own! It honestly is a nice feeling. You're sweet too for accepting my terrible advice here at 2am lol!",0.9111,positive,grateful 2004,depressed,Tonight the girl I’ve been seeing told me she fucked a guy she met at a party a week ago and also spent the night with him last night.,speaker,1,After hearing this I told her “well you should probably leave”. I told her she’s been disrespectful and sexually irresponsible. The biggest thing is that last night she said she asked for a sip of her friends drink and the friend didn’t mention that it had acid in it. Then she knowingly finished the drink. She called me at 1 asking if she could spend the night so she could be woken up for work. I said I don’t feel comfortable since I asked for space a week ago. Then she came over tonight after we hashed it out. Planning to watch a movie and laying down with her I asked about last night. She asked why I’m asking. I said because we had a fight and we should discuss it: Me: so what happened. Whose place did you end up sleeping at? Her: a guy my friends are friends with. Why do you even care? Me: because it’s kind of important to me. Have you slept with him before? Her: no... Me: you don’t seem sure Her: yeah I have. Me: when? Her: why does that matter? Me: because if it’s been when we have had unprotected sex then I deserve to know Her: yes. Me: when?.... Her: last week Me: I think you should leave. Obviously some background and context on our relationship or whatever it would was would be helpful. But I’m pretty sure I did right. This is the first time I’ve stood up for myself and felt okay with completely extinguishing someone from my life. Even if I could have seen myself falling in love with that person. I’ve been so depressed lately. I just hope I did the right thing.,0.9711,positive,ashamed 2004,depressed,Tonight the girl I’ve been seeing told me she fucked a guy she met at a party a week ago and also spent the night with him last night.,listener_1,2,"You definitely did right, I'm sorry but what a bitch. Seems like a very small number of people is loyal these days and it's makes me super sad",0.7156,positive,agreeing 2004,depressed,Tonight the girl I’ve been seeing told me she fucked a guy she met at a party a week ago and also spent the night with him last night.,speaker,3,"Appreciate you, m8. Tip of the cap to ya.",0.4019,positive,wishing 2004,depressed,Tonight the girl I’ve been seeing told me she fucked a guy she met at a party a week ago and also spent the night with him last night.,speaker,4,Thank you so much. Love hearing these kind words from all of you.,0.8854,positive,grateful 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,speaker,1,"I hate my life. I feel lost and unhappy in stressed all the time. Constant fighting at home, i have no friends or any where to go after work. I dont drink and i don't want to. Life sucks. I get off work at 3 and ill go home and hide in the spare bed room becuase i have no where else to be. My boss knows whats going on and he supports me the best he cam but. My therapist is on vacation till the 20th.",-0.8170000000000001,negative,lonely 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,listener_1,2,Im sorry. I feel like shit too. If you want to pm.,-0.2732,negative,sympathizing 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,speaker,3,I tried to pm not working?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,speaker,4,?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,listener_2,5,? lol oof,0.4215,positive,questioning 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,speaker,6,I dont know what oof means.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2005,depressed,Depressed 24/7,listener_2,7,I don't know either. Just a funny little word I guess.,0.4404,positive,neutral 2006,depressed,4 AM.,speaker,1,"Can't sleep at all, which is a pretty common occurrence. Everytime I try to lie down to sleep my mind starts thinking about literally everything. My ex, all my mistakes, failures, and regrets. I feel like I'm just stuck in a rut of procrastination and sadness. I just want to be happy.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,sad 2006,depressed,4 AM.,listener_1,2,"Ever listened to meditation/hypnosis when trying to sleep? I have insomnia too these days, but Jason Stephenson on Youtube knocks me out fast. Or at least faster than I would myself.",0.0,neutral,impressed 2006,depressed,4 AM.,speaker,3,I haven't but that's a really great idea and you're right. That's a good way to look at it. Thank you.,0.9348,positive,agreeing 2006,depressed,4 AM.,listener_2,4,Ask for zopiclone for sleep 7.5mg every other night or as needed,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2006,depressed,4 AM.,listener_1,5,"You’re very welcome! I hope it helps you. It may feel weird at first, and you might not benefit from it at first, but keep at it! There’s tons of videos o line for insomnia, anxiety, stress and so.",-0.5261,negative,encouraging 2007,depressed,I suck.,speaker,1,"I'm a 21 yo dude, who has got no job, has plenty of medical Problems and so on and so forth, all I do each day is Gaming or talking to some People. That's already kind of depressing, so is not being able to do anything which I view as cool aka. Music Production or Drawing. I seriously tried. Over and over and over again. I just can't do it. All of the above drag me down each and every Day and all I can do about it is whine like a little baby. Pair that with an inferiority complex. Im just hopeless really. Thanks for listening to me. I'm done now. Have a good Day dear Stranger.",-0.5423,negative,sad 2007,depressed,I suck.,listener_1,2,message me one of your songs,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2007,depressed,I suck.,speaker,3,"I think it started when I was around 14 honestly, +/- 1 year I'd say. My Grandma died so I was a little depressed back then, It wasn't as bad for me as it was for my Mom, she had alot on her plate back then, but yeah it was around that time I distanced myself from other People.",0.3446,positive,lonely 2007,depressed,I suck.,listener_2,4,Have you ever wondered how it began to grow or become a stronger presence since then?,0.3818,positive,questioning 2007,depressed,I suck.,speaker,5,"I think my thought Process was something along the lines of ""Well if everyone dies anyways eventually why even bother"" which even got more meaning since I've been born with some health problems like i mentioned. Ofcourse I knew it's a bad mindset to have but at the time and recently again I just can't help myself to think any other way. Usually people like to think of it this way ""I'm at a Disadvantage let's make the best out of it"" while my thought process is more like ""I'm already at a disadvantage so let's just stop."" Now my inferiority complex originated from my School Time since I've been bullied a little. I always act like it wasn't a big deal but it left worse marks than I'd like to admit.",-0.7902,negative,embarrassed 2007,depressed,I suck.,listener_2,6,"I see. I’ve always wondered about depression born of something that cannot necessarily be fixed. There are different types of therapy, but this has to be one of those most difficult types to approach. Have you heard of Narrative Therapy? But, regarding your health, are limited 100% to do anything you enjoy?",-0.5345,negative,questioning 2007,depressed,I suck.,speaker,7,"I just googled the Term, Sound like it would be something is should try. To answer the Question, I'm not ""exactly limited"", it's not like i have a physical disability it's more like something that's Life Threatening and although the chances of something happening is around 20 percent at most, it's the mental pressure it puts on to me. Ill give an example : you could be talking to me for example and out of nowhere I'll get an anxiety attack, once that happens I can't focus on anything anymore. Like I said, I don't work atm but I think it would be a Problem if People were to hire me, apart from the monthly visits at the doc, (who is pretty far away) so I would have to take a whole day off. I also thought about home office works, but without expirience or some high aptitude for things like that I don't think it would work out.",0.3558,positive,terrified 2007,depressed,I suck.,listener_2,8,"So, even if it’s been awhile, what do you enjoy (anything and everything)?",0.4939,positive,questioning 2008,depressed,Numb.,speaker,1,"I feel useless. I hate my life. If I’m going to be honest I have for years. It was bad, got better, and then it got even worse. Sometimes I think it’d be easier to just go. Realistically people would get over it, if anyone really cared at all.",-0.2516,negative,sad 2008,depressed,Numb.,listener_1,2,I feel like this alot. I usually have to focus on doing things for others. Even small things like just smiling and saying hello. Most days I just push through.,0.7906,positive,hopeful 2008,depressed,Numb.,listener_2,3,If u want to talk to someone im here,0.0772,positive,questioning 2009,depressed,Drawing was the one thing that meant something to me. Now it means nothing.,speaker,1,"I have always loved art and drawing. Since I was a kid, I would doodle constantly in school and at home, and eventually I got pretty decent at drawing. But in the past year, something has been really, really off-and it scares me. I don’t want to draw any more, I deprive no joy from it, and all my drawings look like garbage to me. I’ve known that I’m depressed for a while, and it hasn’t really been all that severe. This past year, however, was my first year in college, and it was really tough depression wise. Throughout the year, I got more and more depressed and I could feel my interest in drawing slowly fade. Losing one of the few things that brings me joy is like slow torture to me. If you don’t think about it, the feeling not wanting to do anything ever will envelop you until your life just slows to a hum. But sometimes you have sudden moments of clarity, like I did today, where you try to reclaim that joy. Except I couldn’t. I tried and felt no joy, and produced nothing but crappy, mediocre drawings. I ended up throwing my sketchbook in frustration. I feel numb and sad and angry and I don’t know what to do.",-0.9698,negative,terrified 2009,depressed,Drawing was the one thing that meant something to me. Now it means nothing.,listener_1,2,"Yeah.I feel you man. I'm drifting away from enjoying video games too,which I used to LOVE,and it scares me too.",0.25,positive,agreeing 2009,depressed,Drawing was the one thing that meant something to me. Now it means nothing.,listener_2,3,"I had it too. My brother kept asking me to play, and I never could make myself do it. My boyfriend got me back into video games a year later but there’s a permanent rift in my brother’s relationship with me and it breaks my heart because I just need one more chance.",0.887,positive,devastated 2010,depressed,un-exist,speaker,1,I really despise that unexistence is not an option. I don't want to be alive but I am inconveniently not ready to do something about it just yet.,-0.4258,negative,sad 2010,depressed,un-exist,listener_1,2,I can relate to that so well,0.4101,positive,agreeing 2010,depressed,un-exist,speaker,3,wouldn't it be so much easier if there's an option to be put in a medically induced coma until you r ready to face the world again..,0.6786,positive,suggesting 2010,depressed,un-exist,listener_2,4,I'd like to invernate until everything is nicer.,0.6597,positive,annoyed 2010,depressed,un-exist,speaker,5,thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 2011,depressed,Defeated,speaker,1," I tried. My weakness showed. I can’t seem to get it to work. I pretend like I’m strong, like I can handle the pain. I’m not. I’m no leader, I’m no Captain America, I’m not strong enough to fight through the pain. I’m not the strong, charismatic, smart, super hero people think I am. I am just a worthless FAILURE. And no one wants to be with a powerless worthless failure like me.",-0.9398,negative,ashamed 2011,depressed,Defeated,listener_1,2,More details?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2011,depressed,Defeated,speaker,3,"Where to start? My inability to be any way attractive to the opposite sex no matter how hard I try. No matter how much I work out, how much I work on myself, my personality. I’m always the one they just don’t see. And it hurts so much seeing the object of my affection just throw themselves at another person while I’m trying so hard",-0.2297,negative,sad 2011,depressed,Defeated,listener_2,4,"If you pretend to be someone and they become attracted to that ""mask"" what do you believe will follow? You need to work on your irrational self hate rather than your look.",-0.5719,negative,angry 2011,depressed,Defeated,speaker,5,That self hate ain’t going anywhere as long as failure is my calling card.,-0.7906,negative,angry 2011,depressed,Defeated,listener_2,6,I dont think its your failures alone that makes you hate yourself. You would not hate your friend making those mistakes? When you make a mistake try to think really how big that mistake was? unless nobody died there is often way to try and fix it next time. I realize most of time those mistakes i hate myself on are actually pretty ridiculously small and if another person did them i certainly would not look at them as complete failures..,-0.9738,negative,agreeing 2011,depressed,Defeated,listener_1,7,Pretending to be strong without enjoying it is useless,-0.2206,negative,confident 2011,depressed,Defeated,speaker,8,Rationally I can understand that. But I’m just not able to put myself in any right state of mind. Almost like there’s something physically blocking me. My heart is pounding in my ears right now with pure self hate,0.0414,neutral,afraid 2011,depressed,Defeated,listener_2,9,"I know that feeling, its only effective way i have found myself to be more accepting to myself anyway. I think its very good thing to focus though, when you constantly try remind yourself ""would i think the same if my friend did these mistakes"" always i find myself to be judging myself way too hard compared to others, its common problem with all of us and i think its very important to fight against.",0.759,positive,agreeing 2012,depressed,"I went to a party, did nothing, and I hate myself for it.",speaker,1,"My friend has a end of school party every year and I’ve always been sociable at it but yesterday was different, I went early for the party because i had to walk and I thought it would take me an hour since his house is really close to the school and it takes me about an hour to get to school, it took about a half an hour so I waited at the school. Then I went the party and they were goofing around and I didn’t do anything, I just sat in a chair listening to them later on couple of more friends came a bonfire was started and they were talking but I just didn’t say anything. I wanted to say something but I felt like if I had said anything it would be overlooked and either way I couldn’t think of anything to say. I just went on my phone or stared at the fire. They kept asking if there was something wrong but I kept saying I was fine.I texted my cousin to take me home half an hour early and when she was here I didn’t even say I’m leaving, I just got my things and left. They called after me and I said I’m leaving. I started to ball my eyes out, I feel I’m overreacting since I’ve never gotten like this. When I got home I acted to my mom everything was okay wait for her to go to bed and cried more. I texted him that I was sorry, he texted me “we could’ve talked about it” but how could I if I don’t even know so i told him it was family issues which was kind of true and not to worry about it. I’m sorry if this is the wrong area to talk about this, I just wanted to know if there’s any chance someone else has gone through this or if there’s a way not to feel like this.",0.8351,positive,embarrassed 2012,depressed,"I went to a party, did nothing, and I hate myself for it.",listener_1,2,"A few questions: Did you actually want to be at the party? Had you be super social they days before? Is there something else going on that might make you retreat into yourself? I'm sorry that happened, but don't beat yourself up about it. I'm an introvert and things like that happen to me all the time, if I never forgave myself I would never go out with friends! Even the most social of people have their down days. It's okay to take breaks. I hope you feel better soon.",0.9658,positive,ashamed 2012,depressed,"I went to a party, did nothing, and I hate myself for it.",speaker,3,"To your questions, I did want to go to the party, they were the first friends I made at that school that actually let me be myself. It was on and off, one day I would be talkative and another I would be quiet. I’m not a social butterfly but I like to be around people. Yeah, family issues like my dad and moms health, then being separated, and no car so I use the bus.",0.8608,positive,trusting 2013,depressed,Struggling.,speaker,1,"I have new things in my life that I should feel joy from. I have two beautiful nieces just months apart in age(still only months old.) And yet I can’t help but think I don’t deserve the happiness I sometimes feel when I’m around them. I’m 24, will be 25 in a little over a month. I work a dead end job, I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I’ve been alive. No history of trauma. I have memories from as early as 3 threatening to break my own neck or hang myself. It’s haunting thinking that way for so long. Sorry if this is somewhat rantish. I just need to say it sometimes. People I have in my life tend not to understand the feelings I have often. I’ve attempted suicide 3 times in my life, clearly unsuccessfully. I’ve been hospitalized 2 times I have a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I don’t know why I’m pouring my guts out on the internet but sometimes there’s a feeling of release from knowing I’m not alone in my struggles. Anyway thanks for reading. Also just to throw it out there I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost 6 years now and have no plans of suicide any longer just because I know I want kids in my future. Again thanks if you’ve read this far and thank you for any messages I may get. Keep breathing guys.",-0.9831,negative,sad 2013,depressed,Struggling.,listener_1,2,[amiloved.co.uk](https://amiloved.co.uk),0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2013,depressed,Struggling.,speaker,3,Thank you so much. I try everyday to find some joy in even the smallest things. It’s just so hard because I really don’t like doing much of anything anymore.,0.8027,positive,grateful 2013,depressed,Struggling.,listener_2,4,"Of course, there are so many things that suck about depression and that is one of them. I found what helped me through my temporary depression was finding new hobbies and keeping myself occupied. And when I could, make time for myself to do some self healing things like reassuring myself I'm beautiful and I am worth being loved and giving it. I am someone important. Maybe if you try finding your self worth and maybe if you think about a wonderful future waiting for you, it may ease your depression a little.",0.8807,positive,hopeful 2013,depressed,Struggling.,speaker,5,"I went through the program I stopped going after a couple of months. I didn’t give in to the whole “higher power” thing. My therapist and I have spent many many sessions talking about my younger years, it’s just how my brain was wired from the time I was born. It can happen.",-0.2263,negative,trusting 2013,depressed,Struggling.,listener_3,6,"I don't agree with that at all. Children are not ""born"" suicidal. A doctor may want to say that but modern research on trauma says that it rewires the brain. You would not remember what happened to you at/before 3. Trauma is also the number one factor in addiction. After six years of therapy why do you still feel like this? These are questions to ask yourself. You never have to believe in a higher power actually. You just have to be willing to believe. I wish you all the best. You are young and you have a lot of life in front of you to figure out who and how you want to be. It is a MYTH that you must be happy all of the time.",0.933,positive,trusting 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,speaker,1,"I feel stuck in this world right now.I feel so terrible for existing and taking up someone else's place on earth. Everything I do ends is failure.I don't even know how others tolerate me.I basically screw up everything I do and I hate myself for it. Everything about me is terrible.My body,My voice,everything.I'm ashamed to here my voice in recordings because it's incredibly laughable.It disgusts me. I hope none of you feel like how I do right now.A broken shell of a person... When I'm feeling like this at the age of 17,I doubt I'll get better with all my social and medical problems.",-0.927,negative,ashamed 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_1,2,"I have a method that may help you, so I’ll edit this comment when I have the time - I’ll be back!",0.4574,positive,acknowledging 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,speaker,3,Thank you alot my man.Yeah I really get these feelings that I'm a failure when I make mistakes.Thx I really appreciate this :),0.7204,positive,sympathizing 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,4,Dude I love this guy's comment. You really have to forge yourself to not fear the failure. Also...something that helped me a lot...who cares about what other people think? They are as faulted as everyone else! Anyways I believe in you even if you fail. Much love dude.,0.9026,positive,impressed 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_1,5,"You’re very welcom, I’m glad it helped! I know exactly what that feels like to think of yourself as a failure and I can only tell you that rewriting my negative thoughts have changed things a lot. Obviously they still pop up every once and a while but at some point, you learn when to think “why am I feeling like this?” and explore the reasons and when to shrug and “get over it”. Both of which are great ways to grow. Especially seeking answers in my behaviour and thoughts have helped. For example, I was let go of a job, because I didn’t do well enough for them. I cried so hard when they let me know and practically begged them to give me another chance. Afterwards I felt so embarrased for my meltdown, which was part depression, part shock. Then when I spoke to my therapist about it, because I felt like such a failure, we found out that the reason for my meltdown wasn’t due to the fact that they let me go, or because I loved the job (I hated it, but loved the people there) or what they said to me, but instead the loss of financial stability. And that helped me realise that I wasn’t a failure, I was just human.",-0.6072,negative,agreeing 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,speaker,6,Thank you alot man! I was in a hard time and thinking about what you suggested really helped me get myself back together.thanks man!,0.3987,positive,grateful 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,speaker,7,;),0.2263,positive,wishing 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_1,8,"I’m so happy to hear that, it warms my heart and means more than you know. Feel free to write me anytime, I’d love an update every once and a while.",0.9571,positive,joyful 2014,depressed,I hate myself.,speaker,9,😊,0.7184,positive,annoyed 2015,depressed,I almost did... Pt 1,speaker,1,"Hey Fam, I’m back. Idk why it’s easier to talk to you guys then with my family, but it helps a lot. I have been out of a job for a few months, and I was getting money at the end of each month from my GI Bill. So I was living off of this money and when I had quit, I decided I would basically spend my money and have a last trip to Cali or Vegas. Well I decided on Sunday night that I was going to Huntington Beach in Cali, I just wanted to see and hear waves lapping. So I had told my family last week that I was starting a job last Monday and when I was leaving for “work”, I instead drove to Cali. I was going to spend the afternoon at the beach and then end it...",0.775,positive,content 2015,depressed,I almost did... Pt 1,listener_1,2,I hope you’re ok?,0.4404,positive,consoling 2015,depressed,I almost did... Pt 1,speaker,3,I feel like I can’t upload part 2,0.3612,positive,ashamed 2015,depressed,I almost did... Pt 1,listener_1,4,Would you rather chat?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,speaker,1,"Let me start by saying this. My life is absolute shit... and I guess It could be said that this isn't something I was born with, or something that developed in my childhood... my childhood was great... actually my life was great until about 7 years ago... This is something that started from a chain reaction of bad luck, dishonesty... and people just being very shitty... This is probably your typical post on here. But I need to get it off my chest, plus I've attempted suicide once, and if the opportunity presents itself I will do it again... I want to.. but this isn't what this post is about... This isn't a cry for help, or attention... begging to be noticed.. this is a vent... I want to say my peace, without fear of judgement I've tried therapy.. but i'm scared to talk about these things to her. and when I do, we get carried away on unrelated bullshit... then they prescribe meds that don't do a fucking thing... hell I can't even overdose on them... I've tried (hence my suicide attempt) so word from the wise... don't try it.. you will get so sick and be in so much pain... but I digress, allow me to explain my situation... that was me just rambling on.. &#x200B; I keep to myself, and vent though many various sources online, so today i'm using Reddit. I have thought about using it before, but I have contemplated it time and time again..... (so hi reddit, particularly /r/depressed) &#x200B; When I graduated high school, at the age of 18, I decided to go to college to better my life, and present myself with better opportunities.. I never had many friends, relationships and high school was a bit of a drag, as it is for most i'm sure.. &#x200B; I took a year to myself then started at a tech school, it was going well... 3 semesters away from graduation, the school shut down ... the entire chain. I didn't graduate, and that upset me, but here is where it all goes downhill. A few months later I moved from my childhood home with my parents and little brother 2 hours north. I had just turned 21. I got a job that I maintained for over a year, and decided to go back to state university, to start on my degree in IT.... again, and here I meet X, (I'll call him X because I don't want to give out his name... liability and such)... Over a few months him and I had become friends, he would invite me over to his house every weekend and we would hang out, go fishing, or just chill... a few months in, he decided to join the military, was leaving for basic and had a big party at his house. Yes there was alcohol, and we were all over 21.. Some of them had pot and yes, we smoked it... These people start inviting more people over, and before I knew it, I was so fucked up I couldn't get back home.. \[I blame myself for this... I partook in those actions.. I get it, I hate, and will NEVER for the entirety of my life hate that very decision I made.... As of now I have completely disassociated myself with ANY and ALL alcohol, weed or anything of the like... though the way i'm feeling right now has me second guessing that decision... but I digress\] One of the idiots at the party brought two young girls 15, and 14. \[Yes i'm sure you can imagine where this is going.... but please hear me out\] Apparently they were into each other and had something going on romantically with each other.. I don't know but the older one turned into a total whore, she took half her clothes off and started feeling me, and several others up that night... Well her girlfriend did not like that at ALL. \[No sex happened\] and 3 days later... (yes three days later) after the party she went to the police after her girlfriend told her mother that she had been RAPED... well the police followed up on it, and tracked me to college, ARRESTED ME IN CLASS... found out that it was NOT rape, but sexual assault... and convicted me thereof... WHEN all i did is touch her ass... \[YES I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT... I was fucked up... and had this half naked girl on top of me rubbing on my chest... i'm sorry but fuck can't I get any slack? SOMETHING.... \[What I did get is a class B felony, and a sex offense.. so my future job hunt has been absolute shit... making friends is next to impossible... yet alone finding a partner... people make fun of me... call me every name in the book... the only people I have are my parents, and my little brother...\] I took a plea bargain that promised me no prison time... but a hefty probation sentence... I lost my job, dropped out of school... been THREATENED... YES THREATENED... at this point I just wish they would just kill me... &#x200B; Skip forward a year... at this point I started counselling and they prescribed me Cymbalta.. \[an anti-depressant\] because I was constantly crying.. I didn't want to do shit... I hated everything there is to hate... I never left home... mom cried I was depressed... So I tried to overdose... It failed miserably and I got admitted into the psych hospital against my will... it was awful... then that November the house i'm living in caught fire and burned to the ground and I lost EVERYTHING... all my notes... my childhood collections... everything that meant anything to me.... electrical fire.... I still resent that day, and it was a year ago. Well that brings me to where I am now... and my current complaint &#x200B; All of the past... all of my resentment leads me to this moment... and the moment to where I feel like I can not continue... I want to die... I hate life, I hate everything there is to hate about everything... people disgust me... it's only in moments of desperation that we find out what animals we truly are &#x200B; Last year, I started a relationshit (mhm) with what is now my fiancee. We were going strong at the beginning, and now it's meh. All we do is argue, but i'll get to that in a moment... 2 months ago we decided to have a child.. and now she is pregnant. mostly because of her LYING to me about being pregnant before then having a serious argument when I would use a condom since ""she's already pregnant"" petty I know but i thought (Well, she just wants to have a baby, so she must be happy. I had already asked her to marry me and our wedding is planned so why the hell not?) One month after that February of this year.. (4 months ago) my mama and little brother (18) were killed in an accident.. two of the closest people in my life and gone... I WANT TO GO TOO!!! I cried... dealing with two different funerals in two weeks.... now I hate everyone... I didn't want to be intimate for a while after the accident, with my fiancee... I cry constantly... I can't talk to her because she has ABSOLUTELY NO empathy for anything I go through... but we will get there in a moment.. Where do I go???? Depression forums with people online WHO DON'T KNOW ME BRING ME MORE SUPPORT THAN HER?? Reddit?? I don't know what I need... Everything is shit... my life SUCKS... I want to die man... i just want to fucking die... &#x200B; On forward to our relationshit... Because of MY position it is hard for me to get a job... She has a job making 15 an hour.. bringing in about 1500 a month or so... My older brother lets me work for him on the weekends and I bring in about 800 a month... That's it I pay the rent and the utilities and my check is gone... and she constantly tells me i'm lazy when she has WATCHED me fill out multiple applications for jobs... and knows my position... some jobs have even fired me after finding about my job because I have to tell them... regardless... she hates where we live... constantly blames me for every shit thing in HER life.. yet alone mine... yells at me... swears at me... literally degrades me and runs me into the ground.... tells me she's unhappy and wants the leave, don't even want a wedding at this point.... But I don't want to leave her... she has no empathy... I do everything for her in my power for her, but she does not return because she's an entitled brat and ""money is a stresser"" I grew up fucking poor, but I had food on the table and a place to live... I didn't have NICE elegant lifestyle she had... she got everything she wanted when I had to make do... nothing is enough for her... She had a rough past I get that.. but damn that doesn't mean she has the right to treat me like shit... every time we go out she fucking passive aggessive comments ""well we could buy that if my husband had a job, and wasn't so lazy"" or... ""I hate having to buy everything I wish someone had a JOB"" I tell her to budget her money better ""I have no right"" motherfu- ...... and that's just the tip of the iceburg... my dad called her on her shit and she got mad because ""I didn't stand up for her"" ""Are you going to take the car son, or is that going to piss her off like everything else does"" My childhood friend was over at the house one day and felt awkward because all we did was fight.. he says something and now ""all my family hates her"" because of the way she treats me... TREAT ME BETTER... GO AROUND THEM AND STOP ACTING LIKE A STUCK UP PRICK... this leads me to my final point.... &#x200B; I'm about to be done with her... but once again, because of my charge she will more than likely end up with full custody of our child.... so she and the baby will be gone... our baby.. THE ONLY THING IN THIS FUCKING WORLD THAT COULD MAKE ME FEEL BETTER... ....... all because I groped a teenager on the ass I've lost everything... I have nothing left... only my father who is deteriorating in health.. by the way my fiancee tells me ""I'm more concerned being a son than a husband"" &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; TLDR; Got a sexual assualt charge because I was fucked up at a party, had a house burn down, lost everything... lost my mother and little brother (18) in a car accident... now going to loose my fiancee and my child because i'm a fucking looser... want to die already",-0.9998,negative,ashamed 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,listener_1,2,"I’m so sorry that you are going through all this. I wish I had words of wisdom or even comfort for you. The only thing I can suggest is send a letter explaining your story to every attorney in the state and try to fight this charge, or get it expunged. Maybe one of them will pick it up Pro bono. I know that doesn’t fix anything or help with all that you have had to go through, the pain and suffering, but maybe it can help you in the future. Once again I’m sorry I’m not much help and I’m so sorry for the hand life has dealt you.",0.5796,positive,sympathizing 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,speaker,3,"Thank you for the kind words. It feels so reassuring to know i'm just not exactly crazy for the way I feel. I feel so defeated it's not even funny. Every day I wake up, I just want to roll over and die. I have so many emotions going on. Rage, Guilt, Anger, Grief, Depression. I hate what this has done to me, and sorry me for sounding like a baby, but I just wish I could have my mama here to hold me and let me know every things going to be alright. Maybe that's just the grief.. but she I told her everything. She fought so hard for me after I got my charge. She wrote the Governor a letter, she tried everything she could. She loved us kids... All 6 of us, and she was such a sweet lady and the best, and I miss her so much. &#x200B; I will never be able to get my crime expunged. Because it is a sex crime. However in 3 years when my probation is over I plan on applying for a Governor's pardon which will allow me some rights back. in 8 years I can begin filing to have my name taken off the registry. but I won't see a somewhat stable life until i'm mid 30's if everything goes smoothly. Thank you for the nice comment. It's good to know I'm not just a lunatic for the way I feel.",0.9457,positive,grateful 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,speaker,4,"Thank you, it feels hard to be here. I don't want to be. but you are absolutely right. I can tell that you are very compassionate about my situation, and I that feels so SO good. Many people aren't.. I would love to get a good lawyer to do something about this, but I'm looking at a hefty price for all that has been done. I would love to send you a PM and discuss self care. Because believe me I need it, my self care habits have NOT been good as of late and to be completely honest.. &#x200B; To be clear, I believe my Fiancee and I might be able to work out our issues.. I want to.. I feel like she wants to as well, or we wouldn't still be living together... We get along sometimes, but it's far and in between. I do love her.. even after all of our shit... I feel like she does the same... If we could work things out that would be PERFECT... i've thought about marriage counselling.. but I'd have to convince her... I was a bit heated this morning because we just got into another argument and it sent me over the edge.. and I had nobody to vent to... I don't want to vent to my family, because I don't want to drive a deeper wedge between them.... so I vented on here... but yes, thank you.. It's good to know someone out there cares... even if they are not here.. so thank you",0.9971,positive,caring 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,speaker,5,I don't need that. I would do it myself if I wasn't such a wimp sometimes.,0.2584,positive,ashamed 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,listener_2,6,"You’re so welcome. I hope you encounter many more compassionate people who can shine a little light for you. Nothing would make me happier than to discuss self care with you, anytime you’re ready. PM away. Just to respond to what you said here: I think couples counseling would be a great idea for you guys, whether or not you decide to stay together. If she cares about you, surely you could convince her by emphasizing the recent deaths in your family and how that trauma has affected both you and her. I think someone else on here commented that you should look for a pro bono lawyer. I know that it is very rare that they do pro bono work, but perhaps you could use the internet to get good leads. r/legaladvice might be a good place to start. Message me anytime. I truly hope you find peace.",0.9877,positive,caring 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,listener_3,7,Assisted suicide would not require bravery and make it easier for us to finally just do it,-0.6517,negative,neutral 2016,depressed,Can I just die already?,speaker,8,Hey thank you. Just know the feelings mutual. I hate to hear you're going though stuff as well.. My PM is open.,-0.0258,neutral,sympathizing 2017,depressed,I need to do something. Right?,speaker,1,I hate this. I just feel like I'm the most boring person ever. But when I'm near people I'm all happy and funny. But I know it's all faked. Deep down I know I'm just nothing. Nothing about me is interesting. I have no fire to do anything. I just dont care about doing anything. And I know I should care. That there should be at least one thing keeping me going. But theres just nothing. I'm terrified about meeting people. I feel so trapped in my life and what I'm doing. I just want to be normal. I want people to talk to. People who care about me. Not just when I'm around or its convenient. I know part of it is my fault. I'm so bad at talking to people. But I'm just boring. I wouldn't want to talk to me either.,0.7117,positive,ashamed 2017,depressed,I need to do something. Right?,listener_1,2,"hey! I know you think you have nothing interesting about you but no matter what there will be someone in the world who finds you interesting. Imo depression sorta steals your personality, and very obviously, your mood. If you want someone to practice talking to, of just a friend to talk to (I'm very talkative but also a good listener so either way you dont have to worry about talking too much, or too little) I'm almost always online because I'm a huge loser lol. All your emotions here are valid and I've been there (still sorta am tbh)",0.7783,positive,agreeing 2017,depressed,I need to do something. Right?,speaker,3,"I just feel like no matter what I do. It just sucks the life out of me. Nothing really makes me happy. And all the random ""skills"" I have are just useless. I dont have any reason to wake up or to still be alive so what's the point? Nothing to look forward to.",0.5704,positive,sad 2018,depressed,Ruined high school and see no future ahead,speaker,1, Hi everyone so I am having trouble forgiving myself for a decision I made in the summer before my senior year. I had a girl that liked me and I honestly kind of wanted to date her but I decided not to because she was dating a new guy every month and I didn't want to get my heart broken. Instead that month she decided to date my best friend and break his heart a month later. She then dated another guy in August and broke his heart but in September she found the person she was going to date the whole school year. Honestly I have been extremely down on myself for not making a move at some point. After realizing 2 months ago high school is ending huge regret has set in for not dating her. Every time I see them in the halls or at any school event I just think that could have been us. I just think I ruined my senior year which I had high expectation for. There were some good moments but I run a business and started working out and that ate up almost all of my time. I never sat down and thought about what I did. I will now always remember Prom as a bad night watching her dance with the guy she is dating instead of me. I just feel like a complete failure. I have never had a girlfriend before and I am just afraid I will never find another girl like her or even worse never get the chance to ever date her. How do you forgive yourself for making such a terrible decision?,0.9502,positive,guilty 2018,depressed,Ruined high school and see no future ahead,listener_1,2,"Trust me, if you fell in love with her and she left you it would be 100000x worse. I won't say the stereotypical ""there's always someone out there"" because i know it's not what you want to hear but it does get better with time.",0.7535,positive,neutral 2018,depressed,Ruined high school and see no future ahead,speaker,3,Well that’s the thing. She is dating a sophomore in high school who will be a junior next year. She is going to the same community college with me that is only 20 minutes away from where are old high school was. I am afraid I will have to see this for another 2 years and another 2 years I could have been with her if I just made the right move.,0.2732,positive,apprehensive 2018,depressed,Ruined high school and see no future ahead,listener_2,4,"You're friends? She knows you exist? Just be nice and play it cool, dont try to wedge yourself in. My opinion is if it happens it happens",0.8738,positive,questioning 2019,depressed,Crying in tescos,speaker,1,"I got a text from a friend when I was shopping saying she is struggling to be my friend anymore due to argument I had with my ex and his friend and I just broke down in the middle of the store, it was really embarrassing. The argument was when I was in an emotional state over the breakup and now I'm left with no one.No one wants to be my friend anymore and am now left with just family they are the only ones who care and I know I should be grateful but it just hurts I lost my bf and all my friends in just over a week.",-0.0331,neutral,ashamed 2019,depressed,Crying in tescos,listener_1,2,I'm here for you,0.0,neutral,caring 2019,depressed,Crying in tescos,speaker,3,I hope things go well for u soon xx,0.6124,positive,encouraging 2019,depressed,Crying in tescos,listener_2,4,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,speaker,1,"I'm not sure if this is the correct subreddit,if there is a better place for this please let me know. I'm depressed. I have two unhealthy coping mechanism. I either hurt myself or I go get fast food. Food makes me feel good. I feel that the fast food one is more dangerous to my health because it's putting me in credit card debt and making me feel physically worse. I don't know how to stop it but I really need to. Any budget plan I try to put in place gets knocked out by the need to feel something. Any advice is appreciated.",-0.1692,negative,apprehensive 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,listener_1,2,"Stop hurting yourself, you'll only feel worse.",-0.7906,negative,consoling 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,speaker,3,I'm aware of that.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,listener_1,4,Have you tried freezing your credit card?,0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,speaker,5,"I do have the reoccurring pays on it that I need, like insurance and dental care.",0.6908,positive,content 2020,depressed,Not sure what subreddit to put this in,listener_1,6,Don't think I'm helping I'll stop😔,-0.4191,negative,annoyed 2021,depressed,Depressed. Trying to not be..,speaker,1,"A shitty couple of years. Found out last year I had uterine cancer that had spread to my ovaries after I went to a fertility doctor. Me and my husband had finally gotten back together after 10 years on and off. He called me out of the blue to ask if we still had a chance. I loved him to death, even though I was dating someone else and so was he. (We were seperated at the time) We both broke up with our spouses at the time and got back together. Moved in immediately cuz why waste more time i was 29 and wanted us to just finally be happy (2017). Like a month after i moved in he cheated on me with his ex. He said it was a mistake and hed never do it again blah blah. So i waited to go to fertility doctor till 2018 till we were in a better place and what not. Well turns out that i had stage 3 uterine cancer and stage 1 ovarian cancer. Had to have a total hysterectomy, chemo, and radiation treatments. While i was going thru chemo i found out that the whole time we were living together and thru this whole situation he had been cheating on me the whole fucking time with his ex. I was fucking devastated. Imagine going thru all this shit then have the person u love just make the situation worse. I ended up moving out but he still ""wanted me and loved me,"" fucking lies. I wanted to believe him and tried i literally still tried to make it work like an idiot. January 2019 caught him talking to another chick wanting to fuck while i was at work. (Worked thru chemo and radiation, so im drained and just trying to survive) in the end i finally ended it because on top of his cheating and bullshit this fucker had the audacity to ask what am i doing in order to have a baby via surrogate. Like seriously?!?! Before i found out he was cheating we had thought of surrogacy cuz adoption was no option for him only a biological child would do. I was fucking tired of him. He was never supported and talked shit to me saying i wasnt a woman and that i was useless. The surrogacy fell thru. Due to many reasons but in his words "" why should i pay for something that other bitches do for free...and im not adopting im not raising some other bastard that isnt mine."" I just couldnt take it anymore. He just bitched and bitched about everything. How i wasnt doing enough to have this baby with him and what not. I mean who would after everything id been thru and his constant cheating and treating me like shit. I know i should be likfe fuck him but im fucking depressed asss hell. All i hear are all his words in my head. Ive been trying to exercise more to help my depression and just get back in shape. Idk just needed to vent. But yeah shitty couple of years. Only good thing that came out of getting back together with him is finding out i had cancer. Fml.",-0.999,negative,surprised 2021,depressed,Depressed. Trying to not be..,listener_1,2,")"": every one deals with this sry hope you persevere",0.4404,positive,consoling 2021,depressed,Depressed. Trying to not be..,speaker,3,Thanx. I know I will but it just fucking hurts. Takes a toll on your self worth.,-0.5006,negative,neutral 2022,depressed,It's 1am,speaker,1,"I just woke up feeling massively regretful. Regretting so many things I've done. Feeling like all my attempts to become a better person are just useless. I've been sick and am recovering, which makes getting out of the funk a little harder. I'm also hungry, but it's too late to eat anything. It's more important just to enjoy where I am at, with the goal of getting better. I read an article about a girl in Sweden who was able to get legally euthanized due to depression. I don't believe that suicide is right. Sure I am suffering, but if I killed myself it would so hard on my family and friends. Also, suicidal thoughts are not a response to sadness and pain they are a fluke a sickness in the mind. I am going to die one day, no matter what. When it comes I will wish for more time, because I am human. The end is coming and even if it's in thirty years when it comes I won't feel ready. I do not really, truly want to die, my brain just thinks that will make things better. My brain is wrong. It's just pain. It's not killing me. It's just discomfort. I can breath through it. As a living creature, it is my job in this world to live the best I can for as long as I can. I have the gift of life, and even if my brain sometimes malfunctions and tries to tell me to push the eject button I am no going to do it. Suicide can be contagious and I know I have loved ones who struggles with those thoughts. I don't want that to be my legacy. Sure, I've done some crappy things, but I need to forgive myself and move forward. The people I hurt didn't kill me and it wasn't illegal. Clearly I just need focus on getting better and not looking back.",-0.9797,negative,sad 2022,depressed,It's 1am,listener_1,2,"You know this is honestly a relief to see someone else experiencing the same thing I've been going through for several years. That may seem selfish but im sure you agree with these invasive thoughts you feel so alone. Think of it as just another step along the path, and yes if you think about it in the grand scheme the 80-100 years might seem like a short time but think of all that could be done. Yesterday for the first time in my life I happened to catch a panic attack in its early stages, its terrifying. My arms went numb I started sweating profusely I was so unbelievably lightheaded and when I looked up I could see my heart beating through my throat. So I recognized this as a panic attack and for the first time took actions to combat this, for me showering helps. I took a 20 minute shower repeating several mantras ""its gonna be a good day"" ""don't let this own you"" ""you're having a panic attack just breath"" it might not be the same for you but say these things out loud. Tell yourself these things ""its gonna be fine"" ""these thoughts will pass just breath"" ive struggled since middle school with thoughts like you've had. It's taken me 10 years to fight this off and I feel so free but I recognize the fights bot over, just another step. Constantly remind yourself that even though your thoughts are strong tour will power is stronger.",-0.65,negative,trusting 2022,depressed,It's 1am,speaker,3,"I'm sorry that you struggle with same thoughts. If my sharing my thoughts helped you, that makes my night. It is a relief to know that I'm not alone, though I am sorry that you have struggled with those same thoughts from such a young age. I am so glad that you are learning to find ways to recognize your panic attacks and to care for yourself. That is so beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing with me, and have a great night. Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.",0.9722,positive,sympathizing 2022,depressed,It's 1am,listener_1,4,"No matter the age (I'm 25) the mind sometimes feels like it's taking on thoughts and feelings that seem bigger or smaller than you but it's still a battle no matter how big or small. Just remember YOU are in control even though it doesnt feel like like most times. it's just a matter of realizing you can control these thoughts. Trust me I've done countless shitty things in my life, it's just about recognizing these things make you who you are and what's important is how you use these experiences to help not only yourself but others around you. I'm a huge advocate for cbd my daughter and fiance take it as well and honestly its changed my life and the way I see things. It gives me the space mentally to evaluate what's going wrong and how I can make changes in a positive way. If your interested look up ""cbd shaman America"", they deliver and have money back guarantees. If I may make a suggestion I would try the water soluble tenturs* they have extremely in depth lab reports so you know what's going in your system. This sounds like an add but it's not lol just a satisfied customer. My dm is always open if you need to vent or whatever it's no problem. Take it easy friend and remember you are in control ✌",0.9855,positive,agreeing 2023,depressed,wanted to see how many people deal with this and what they do,speaker,1,";=; im a very depressed person who doesnt feel like I have any goals or ideas going for me, &#x200B; but was curious who could help or if anyone feels this way? ;=;",0.5645,positive,questioning 2023,depressed,wanted to see how many people deal with this and what they do,listener_1,2,"You're definitely not alone, I feel like that quite often. Though the only thing I've really done to help myself out is keep a journal to write out my feelings and I have another guided journal to help me when I don't know what to write.",0.8911,positive,agreeing 2023,depressed,wanted to see how many people deal with this and what they do,listener_2,3,What’s the guided journal like?,0.3612,positive,questioning 2023,depressed,wanted to see how many people deal with this and what they do,listener_1,4,"I suggest looking them up, they ask you things like who so you respect most and why, what are things you dreamed of doing and how could you work towards your goals. How did you have fun today, even if it was for a small moment. Shit like that, it sounds cheesy but it's pretty therapeutic.",0.8334,positive,questioning 2023,depressed,wanted to see how many people deal with this and what they do,speaker,5,dam mah bro ;/ sad stats,-0.4767,negative,sad 2024,depressed,Fun life events going on,speaker,1,"Since people I actually know aren’t even listening to my struggles I’ll give this a shot. About a month ago, it was raining, I hit a guard rail. Took out my headlight and of course my job is an hour away and I get off when the moon is shining. No money for repairs so there goes that job. Now my bills get to start piling up. Only have ramen as substance! Yay! Took me almost three weeks to finally start a new job part time, at least it’s money. Also have a trip coming up in three weeks that was planned for months, so another week Payless is coming up. Now I’m 200 in the negatives, can’t pay for one credit card bill thanks to that. I’m stressed to the point I’m sleeping much less and my demons are coming back. And no one can even take the time to give me a ride to the airport for this trip I have been looking forward too for so long. TL;DR : kill me?",-0.7256,negative,embarrassed 2024,depressed,Fun life events going on,listener_1,2,"Aw bud. Just go on your trip, take the time to relax & enjoy yourself. Then try to refocus your mind to figure out your next steps and when you’re back to reality, start getting things in motion. I know it’s very cliché but make a list & write down a weekly budget so that you stay on track and eventually make some progress. I hope things get better.",0.9377,positive,hopeful 2024,depressed,Fun life events going on,speaker,3,I think the stress on how I am going to get to the airport for this trip is triggering my emotions,-0.4215,negative,anxious 2024,depressed,Fun life events going on,listener_1,4,"Ah, is there literally nobody that can drive you there? Or that you can borrow for cash from for a taxi fare? I’ve been let down by close friends a lot, so I kinda understand how it can make you feel that people don’t care.",0.7691,positive,questioning 2024,depressed,Fun life events going on,speaker,5,"Unfortunately, it’s as though I’m just a burden when I need to ask for help. Then people wonder why I never call them up for casual conversation. :/",-0.4939,negative,embarrassed 2025,depressed,First post and just a question...,speaker,1,"Has anyone here tried “checking out” or you know taken that last ditch effort only to end in failure/luck/divine intervention or whatever the hell you’d chalk it up to? (Lets just day I’m curious about what one fellow person would say to another who’s tried to cash their chips leaving the casino of life. I’ll admit I know I’ve tried and tried... and yes tried again. I may not understand nor understood my life thus far what self inflicted wounds stem from like cutting, yet I know the final straw and long everlasting pain. Both emotional, psychological and now as for many years due to my gun ho attempt(s) mainly the first one that I’ll forever feel physical.)",-0.4404,negative,apprehensive 2025,depressed,First post and just a question...,listener_1,2,"Yeah. My method seemed foolproof, but I woke up...actually heard an exterior voice tell me ""...call 911"", but I took a taxi to the ER. I thought the driver was bringing me to the afterlife, and the cold, rainy spring morning just added to the whole effect. I think our brains can conjure up 'voices'.",0.2382,positive,apprehensive 2025,depressed,First post and just a question...,speaker,3,Foolproof I wish I could say that. Leaps of faiths or stopping the need to breathe didn’t work for me,0.7579,positive,confident 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,speaker,1,I’m 14 and I have been depressed for about a year now. I have been hiding it from my parents because I don’t feel comfortable telling them. I have a good social circle. But once my friends started getting girlfriends I slowly got depressed. At first I didn’t really care. But then it started to get worse. I tried to get more friends and expand my circle to try to get a girlfriend. It failed. My friends girl liked me. That also failed. It even started to get to a point where I was convincing my self that I liked someone. That never worked. I just got more and more unhappy. Anytime I was with friends it was kind of just a reminder. Once my friends broke up with their girlfriends it became easier. It started to get better. I was getting happier and was actually able to enjoy hanging out with my friends. Then one of my friends moved. And came back to visit. But virtually all his time was spent in his phone talking to his girlfriend. I started to get depressed again. I even started smoking. That made me feel even worse. I switched to juuling. The nicotine numbed my pain. I began using that to numb me from anything that triggered my depression. Then I got off of it. I felt worse. I kind of just kept myself in my house. My parents got me to go see my friends. I started actually hanging out with them again. And to this day I am still depressed. But I have learned to not care anymore.,0.8461,positive,lonely 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry you are struggling. I have struggled with depression for about 6 years now. But looking back, I see that there were signs when I was in high school. As hard as it is, I highly encourage you to talk to your parents or a trusted adult. They can help you get into counseling. There you'll be able to learn tools of how to handle and combat depression. It won't be easy, but it's worth it. As for the girlfriend thing, I was always the single girl. No one ever asked me out in high school and I didn't date in college. It was hard, especially because a lot of my friends were in relationships. I thought that if I had a boyfriend I'd be happier, that things would be better. But the truth is that another person can't fix you or be responsible for your happiness. I didn't have my first real date, first kiss, first boyfriend until I was 24. There were lots of times I felt the way you described, but I told myself that it was important for me to work on myself and be the healthiest me before I added a significant other. Some days this was easier to believe than others. But once I got into a relationship I realized how true this really was. I also realized that when people said enjoy being single, they meant it and it wasn't just something people in relationships say. Relationships are great but so is being single. Each season of life has it's struggles and it's joys. And each season is temporary, it won't last forever. I know you can get through this! Don't give up! Depression is a liar - don't believe the lies! You are worthy and loved. It's okay to let people in. They love you and want to be there for you. I'm praying for you ♥️",0.9977,positive,sympathizing 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,listener_2,3,"wow, u literally just described my life! up to the point where youre in a relationship. i am also 24 but still single. and i know tons of girl that much much older (35,50, etc.) that are unmarried. im scared im gonna be just like them. yikes. regardless, young man, please take this advice to heart because she is so right!!",0.9086,positive,agreeing 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,speaker,4,Thank you. I really do appreciate it.,0.6682,positive,sympathizing 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,listener_1,5,"I totally get that fear. I felt the exact same way. I was convinced I would die alone. It took me by surprise when I met my fiance. One thing I wish I would have done before I met him was enjoy being single. I was so worried about being alone that I didn't appreciate all the positives of singleness. Like getting to do what I wanted when I wanted without having to take someone else into consideration. I was able to go to Africa for two months because I wanted to. Now if I wanted to do that I have to think about him, how the distance and time would affect our relationship, etc. I have to think about him now when making plans for the future. While relationships are great and I love my fiance and I'm excited for building a life with him, I wish I would have been just as excited about my single life as well. Also, as hard as it was, waiting for the right guy was so worth it. It sucks while everyone around you is dating and being in love but it's worth it in the long run because you don't have to go through heartbreak, you don't bring baggage in from a previous relationship. You also have time to work on yourself so you can bring your best you to a relationship. You have time to learn to love yourself as you are. Something my pre-marital therapist told me is that how we treat ourselves is how we treat our partner. I thought she was ridiculous when she said that, but it's actually very true. I tend to put my wants behind others so I put my partners wants behind others as well. Not on purpose, but just because it's what I'm used to doing for myself. So if you can work on loving yourself and treating yourself well then you can better live and treat your partner. So all that to say, enjoy being single and don't worry about being alone. You will find the right person at the right time and it will be worth the wait. Sorry for the lecture, I just wanted to share because I felt exactly like you described.",0.9953,positive,grateful 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,listener_2,6,"i absolutely loved this! thank you for sharing that gem about appreciating our singleness. it might seem like an eternity now, but u/TheOneGoldPepe we can tough this out!! it's really hard i know 😭 patience is a virtue & your future girlfriend will appreciate that you waited for her 💛 chin up!",0.9483,positive,agreeing 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,speaker,7,I really appreciate the support. I wish you the all best! I know that there are a lot of people out here that are in the same situation. I just wanted to share my piece. I think I will be able to work it out.,0.9366,positive,wishing 2026,depressed,Words of encouragement please?,speaker,8,We in the same boat,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2027,depressed,I have nothing and no one significant in my life,speaker,1,Now I know why people turn to sports.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2027,depressed,I have nothing and no one significant in my life,listener_1,2,"My ""best friend"" used me for his own gains and dumped me for cooler friends. I am now focusing on myself to become a better person. Hell, even buying things for myself and only mine. Try to focus on loving yourself more than others. Even try doing workout and making yourself fit. Or try focusing on business and earn money for yourself.",0.9313,positive,faithful 2027,depressed,I have nothing and no one significant in my life,speaker,3,I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like a real goober. Yeah I mean I do those things but life isn't the same without at least a girl friend. Nobody would give a shit whether or not I'm alive.,-0.2905,negative,sympathizing 2027,depressed,I have nothing and no one significant in my life,listener_1,4,"Don't give up, man. There's still a chance.",0.25,positive,hopeful 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,speaker,1,I’m 12 and I feel the depression looming over me but it’s not there yet. I have a perfectly normal life with a great family and friends. I just feel that no matter what I do nothing matters. I need advice for how I can avoid it. Please.,0.9426,positive,lonely 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,listener_1,2,r/14anddepressed,0.0,neutral,sad 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,listener_2,3,Have some respect,0.4767,positive,faithful 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,listener_3,4,Really though rash cunt wha,-0.7537,negative,disgusted 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,listener_4,5,> There should be a reason for felling so Not always: depressive symptoms can be a result of neural dysfunction.,-0.0906,negative,neutral 2028,depressed,Can I get some help please,listener_5,6,Then i don't know to help. He needs a therapist.,-0.3089,negative,agreeing 2029,depressed,"Yeah, I am not doing well at all.",speaker,1,"I have been diagnosed with depression when I was nine, and I started to recover from it at least a year ago. A couple weeks ago I was feeling real happy like I have never been before, and now it feels like it is crashing down on me. It's like that 2 week period was just a ""phase"" of happiness. Now it feels like I found out I was depressed a second time. I feel just as bad as I did before I tried to recover. Honestly my mindset didn't change as much. I want the pain to end again. I wish that I recovered instead of having a ""phase."" I am not fine. ~4 years of depression and having the long hard knife of mood swings be stuck up my rear does indeed NOT help me at all in any way whatsoever. I just can't bear to see anyone else see me like this for a SECOND time. I hope a symptom doesn't kick in that is obvoiusly based off my depression. I would absolutely break down.",0.1901,positive,devastated 2029,depressed,"Yeah, I am not doing well at all.",listener_1,2,Has anything significantly changed in your life recently?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2029,depressed,"Yeah, I am not doing well at all.",speaker,3,"The only two things that can barely count are summer (getting out of work and school), and just some parties that I was invited to.",0.4019,positive,excited 2030,depressed,Im lost in life,speaker,1,"I feel like I'm stuck in place never changing. I do the same thing everyday, absolutely nothing. I just try to past the time so I can get to the next day, closer to some thing meaningful. Everyone in my family expects so much of me but I just let them down. I just can't. Alot of the time I feel so alone as I'm just finishing my 3rd year of highschool and I have maybe 2 aquintences(I really wouldn't call them friends). I have crippling social anxiety and Ive never had a girlfriend. The only girl I ever really liked just wanted to be friends and due to my inability to get over my feelings for her I cut her out my life. She was the one I would tell everything to, she laughed at my suicide jokes and helped me keep them jokes. But now she's moved on and I'm still stuck. Im just wasting my youth coping with my lonliness through addiction. If I wasn't an Christian I would've killed myself already. I hate this feeling",-0.966,negative,lonely 2030,depressed,Im lost in life,listener_1,2,Have you tried the word of God?,0.2732,positive,questioning 2030,depressed,Im lost in life,speaker,3,Thx man I haven't been on here in like a week but I felt the need to just now. This comment was exactly what I needed to see right now.,0.3612,positive,grateful 2030,depressed,Im lost in life,listener_2,4,"Glad it helped and I hope you are feeling better. It never seems like it at the bad times, but there will be usually be a lot more good times in life than bad times. Look forward to those good times to come.",0.6941,positive,consoling 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,1,"my brother is the favorite of my family, and my parents hate me, and i keep getting promises like “we will work on your room in a week because your brother got his renovated.” Five months later, nothing. My brother got amazing, really expensive clothes, and he got a brand new full size smart mattress with sleep tracking. And me? Nothing. My brother steals all my stuff, I get in trouble for everything my brother does, I get things taken away, sent to my room, and hit for things I never did. I have no friends, no one likes me, even my cat hates me, but he loves my brother.",0.8202,positive,jealous 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,listener_1,2,"I feel you, OP. I too am not the favorite child.",-0.35700000000000004,negative,agreeing 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,3,How do you get coins I want to give this reddit gold,0.0772,positive,sentimental 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,4,I don’t want siblings reeee,0.0772,positive,lonely 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,5,Sucks man,-0.3612,negative,disgusted 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,6,I cant go out of the house without parental guidance I’m under 16,0.0,neutral,trusting 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,listener_2,7,Where do you live? Im 14 and I go pretty much where ever,0.4939,positive,questioning 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,8,I’m not reveal that,0.0,neutral,faithful 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,listener_2,9,Ok...is it illegal for you to be out by yourself before 16?,-0.5574,negative,questioning 2031,depressed,I wish I could just skip life.,speaker,10,It is to my mom,0.0,neutral,sentimental 2032,depressed,Awkwardness,speaker,1,I'm so fuxking awkward. I try to talk to people but I feel like im bugging them. I cant make friends easy and I feel alone . I feel selfish for even comaplaining .,-0.8828,negative,lonely 2032,depressed,Awkwardness,listener_1,2,Same here. I am so fucking awkward. I can’t to seem to talk people. I’m trying to fix it. But it is a long process,-0.1495,negative,embarrassed 2032,depressed,Awkwardness,speaker,3,Exactly and I sent to talk to people but it's hard. Even online I mess up,-0.5927,negative,agreeing 2032,depressed,Awkwardness,speaker,4,ya know if you ever need a friend. God this is weird. I'm sorry,0.5106,positive,sympathizing 2032,depressed,Awkwardness,listener_1,5,Thanks. Everyone just copes with it differently. I just hope it works out in the end. I wish you all the best.,0.9136,positive,wishing 2033,depressed,i said i was fine (I was lying),speaker,1," My world broke apart, but trust me I’m fine You watch my tight smile, your worry doesn’t fade But you won’t ask again, once I say that I’m fine. Sorry I’m late, I just wanted to keep hiding Please stop blinding me with sunshine, I’d rather stay in the shade My world’s torn apart, but trust me I’m fine. I hide it, I keep it private, I’m silently crying Im drowning, struggling, in deep waters I wade Won’t you ask again, though I’m saying I’m fine. I overslept, I underslept, I lost all track of time The days slowly crawl by, so I hopelessly pray My world fell apart, but believe me I’m fine Life’s dull and dimmed, my thoughts confined My actions are slow and I’m constantly outplayed Why won’t you ask again, though I’m saying I’m fine. I found the best way to escape these harsh rhymes, Cold steel prevailed, life stopped by a blade My world broke apart, and you believed my lying My wrist disfigured by one deep line Since you had stopped asking, once I said I was fine.",-0.7485,negative,faithful 2033,depressed,i said i was fine (I was lying),listener_1,2,Don’t end it. No matter how shitty it gets. It is not ever worth it.,-0.6531,negative,questioning 2033,depressed,i said i was fine (I was lying),speaker,3,Thanks. You won’t ever really know how much that means to me. How much I needed to hear that,0.4404,positive,grateful 2033,depressed,i said i was fine (I was lying),listener_1,4,I got you fam 👍,0.0,neutral,joyful 2034,depressed,Where do I go now...,speaker,1,"I've exhausted all my body's resources into hoping that one day I'll have the possibility of being happy....well that possibility is gone and for some reason I'm okay with it, I'll never be happy here, I'll never have friends, there's no one out there like me, and if there is I'll never find them, it's a needle in the haystack, but that's okay, if I keep on this path maybe one day I'll man up and finally do it, maybe I'll stop being such a pussy and I'll find forever peace, and if not, then I feel like I'm just going to throw my life away into a pit of drugs and alcohol and maybe I'll take one too many pills, and find my peace that way, I feel like I've opened all my doors and there's none left to open, I've graduated highschool and now what? I'm not going to college, I work a 9-5 with no end in sight....is this really the only reason here? To work a meaningless 9-5? Live a lonely life as an outcast? Is that what your god brought me here for? Idk, I've found zero meaning or success in my life, the two friends I have barely like me and I don't even like hanging out with them anymore, they treat me like shit sometimes, I kind of just wish no body knew I existed, no family, no friends, no one to let down, no one to burden, but unfortunately, this is where I'm at in my life, and I don't know where to go, I don't know what to do...",0.8182,positive,sad 2035,depressed,No reason to be upset,speaker,1,"I don’t know why but lately my depression has been kicking in so much lately. I’ve been feeling good for awhile until lately. I honestly have no reason to be depressed, I have an amazing boyfriend who treats me better than anyone else ever has, I have a job, I’m about to travel abroad, and I’m getting decent grades (although now they’re kinda slipping). I want to talk to my boyfriend more about it and I know he knows something is up but I can’t bring myself to. I hate crying in front of others but it seems every night I’m crying myself to sleep the second he leaves if we don’t have a sleepover. He’s so supportive I know he would get it, I just can’t do it. And now I’m drinking myself to sleep because I feel so depressed. And I have a test tomorrow. Fuuuuuuck me. God this is the fucking worst. I remember a kid in high school saying he doesn’t understand why people take antidepressants because “life isn’t that bad”. I wish I could fucking relate, brother.",-0.9169,negative,hopeful 2035,depressed,No reason to be upset,listener_1,2,"I know it probably won't help, but I completely understand. Right now I feel like I'm in the same boat. I won't try and feed you the typical line of ""it gets better."" I mean it does, or it's supposed to help but hopefully knowing that you're not alone in feeling this way offers some comfort.",0.9544,positive,agreeing 2035,depressed,No reason to be upset,speaker,3,It does help. Thank you <3,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 2035,depressed,No reason to be upset,speaker,4,"I know I need to see a therapist again but I’m moving for 6 weeks in like 2 weeks so I feel like there’s no point going now..... sometimes I feel better but you’re right, it comes in waves. Last night was a big one for sure. I think the nights are just hardest for me. Thank you for your kind words & if you need someone to talk to feel free to reach out to me <3 I really do think letting others know what’s going on is one of the hardest parts too. I know I’m loved and that my loved ones want me to reach out to them.... but it’s so hard for me to let people in sometimes. And then I usually end up waiting and bottling things up until I explode to finally tell someone. But it’s all about getting a little better every day I guess, baby steps",0.9904,positive,agreeing 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,1,"let me briefly explain what i mean. i have never had an eating disorder & i love to eat! but there are just some days where i feel so drained that i really prefer to not eat. sure, my mother says i am just lazy. i really wish we didnt have to eat an average of three times a day to feel good. i have been doing IF (intermediate fasting) for a couple of months now & ive adapted very well. anyone else feel any way like this toward food/eating??",0.7598,positive,neutral 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,listener_1,2,"Yes: food is a chore sometimes, especially with dental problems.",-0.0679,negative,agreeing 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,3,twinsies! i eat just about two meals as well. although yesterday i just ate one & maybe it did affect my mood quite a bit...,0.3382,positive,suggesting 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,4,that's great advice! thank you,0.784,positive,acknowledging 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,5,hey that's what i had yesterday before bed; a small bowl of strawberries & a couple of almonds. haha yep that's my diet 😅 good idea,0.8625,positive,neutral 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,6,"oh man, do you get stomachaches or headaches from not eating? i sometimes do. i used to get dizzy & very short-tempered, but that has changed.",-0.1154,negative,neutral 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,7,thank u avacadmmmm for that visual. yes i also hate BMs 😂😂 wow!! i didnt know that was a thing for other people as well. it doesnt make a quite-as-tasteful post tho lol!!,0.9448,positive,neutral 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,listener_2,8,👍,0.0,neutral,proud 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,listener_3,9,Stomach aches only sometimes. Used to get them all the time but not so much. I get headaches often. And I still do sometimes get dizzy and short tempered. I think not eating is what caused me to black out yesterday morning.,-0.431,negative,anxious 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,10,"ahw no, girl! im sorry! ive been there, that caused me to have a panic attack, making things worse... it may not mean much coming from me, but maybe you could eat one regular meal & then a fun snack so the headaches will go away? if you can, cheese opens the appetite & can motivate you to follow with fruit & nuts. that will calm the stomachaches & avoid black-outs. much love from one mimi to the other 😊💕",0.975,positive,sympathizing 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,listener_3,11,That meal is most likely gonna be dinner cause I don’t like leaving my room. Ok to the rest of the things listed. Thanks for the advice🙃,0.765,positive,agreeing 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,12,i forget about water :-o,-0.2023,negative,neutral 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,listener_4,13,That’s dry fasting then. Just be careful with your kidneys with that,0.1531,positive,consoling 2036,depressed,does anyone else struggle with the fact that we even need food to live life?,speaker,14,i drink a lot of water before & after my workouts but yes i need to remember to drink water when fasting!!,0.629,positive,neutral 2037,depressed,Show me some support,speaker,1,Hey. I know this doesn't look that interesting but pls take ur time to read this. I'm a depressed 13 yr old who needs some help. My crush who was the only one I have been talking to blocked me and i can't talk to her anymore. A random cat I liked which always used to come in front of my house asking for food doesn't show up anymore. My final exams are also coming up so I'm extremely stressed right now. I'm pretty sure I have depression now and I have been faking happiness all the time and this is the first time I'm expressing myself. So one thing that I would really like is if I get at least 10 upvotes on this post to at least know that there are a few people who support me.,0.698,positive,sad 2037,depressed,Show me some support,listener_1,2,"Don't worry man, if this is your first dance with depression, i'm here to help. I've had my share of depression for years. Just message me if you ever want to talk and vent all that stress out. You can pull through this, i know it.",-0.5565,negative,agreeing 2037,depressed,Show me some support,speaker,3,Thank you. I appreciate it 😄,0.8658,positive,sympathizing 2037,depressed,Show me some support,listener_1,4,No problem.,0.3089,positive,content 2037,depressed,Show me some support,speaker,5,Thanks a lot😊 this gives a smile to my face,0.8859999999999999,positive,acknowledging 2037,depressed,Show me some support,speaker,6,Thank u so much. You have made me a lot more confident,0.7178,positive,grateful 2037,depressed,Show me some support,listener_2,7,"No worries man, we're here to help eachother \^\^",0.6164,positive,faithful 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,speaker,1,To cop with my loneliness and boredom I normally go into my my mind and day dream about a better life or a fantasy version of my life I've been doing it for essentially 5 years now and I feel like it's effecting me alot,0.3182,positive,lonely 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,listener_1,2,"I use to do that all the time. I do it every once in a while now. I'm pretty sure most people do that, even if they aren't lonely",0.7657,positive,neutral 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,speaker,3,It kinda consumes my time though like I can't focus on school work and all,0.3612,positive,annoyed 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,listener_2,4,"\^ I do this all the time aswell, don't worry. :) You can always contact your doctor, if you think that there's something wrong",-0.4895,negative,agreeing 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,listener_1,5,"I see, then maybe seeking help is the best option?",0.7845,positive,suggesting 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,speaker,6,I hope so,0.4404,positive,encouraging 2038,depressed,Is this normal??,speaker,7,But how do I stop,-0.4215,negative,suggesting 2039,depressed,Happy Valentine's day for me,speaker,1,"Well, here in my country is Valentine's Day and my boyfriend just broke up with me. I feel as if the only reason I was alive had left and with all my hopes and dreams. Honestly, he was the best thing that ever happened to me, the whole time we spent together he cared for me, gave me strength to fight, taught me what to love. I felt... for the first time that I had a chance there, to have a good life with someone who truly loved me. The problem is that ultimatly he was acting strange, getting to a point where he did not even send me messages anymore, I couldn't understand. Was it something I did or did not do? It was letting me down, I was getting sick with all this anxiety, I just wanted to understand what happened. And he told me that he had trouble keeping up on things, so that's why he was always changing hobbies and never fixing on anything. He told me he did this because temporary things cheered him up .. so .. guess what? I think I was temporary haha​​.. when I said that, he denied it, saying that I had marked him and he just didn't want to make me suffer by the way he was treating me, he wanted me well but he was too lost to do it. I agreed that it would be better for him to break up, because honestly, I only want his good. He's an amazing person, I wanna see him go through with his head held high, start liking things for real and not just using them as a distraction, I want to see him grow as a person... Man I love him so fucking much .. he does not deserve to go through this kind of conflict with himself. The break up ended up in good terms but ... like I said I still fucking love it. Deep down, I can't accept it and I don't want to forget it. When everyone told me he did not deserve my tears, I just couldn't... Ugh. When I see all those couples around me, I can only think of him and how I wanted to be with him right now. But I was not enough reason for him to stay. It's like my mother says, I'm just a silly teenager with hormones in bloom. I feel so ridiculous, so empty .. Why can not I just get over like a normal person?",0.9934,positive,devastated 2039,depressed,Happy Valentine's day for me,listener_1,2,"Sounds like you made him to be what you wanted/needed.Which isnt a bad thing. But you should take some time and learn to love yourself or even get to a point where you can just be happy. Its easier said than done, trust me. Ive dealt with depression since I was 8 and have gone through this situation myself. Im happier now, I'm different, I'm stronger. Find something you connect with like nothing else. For me it was music. Id spend HOURS listening to music and it brought me joy. Now I have a radio in my head and just hum most of my day. You can fight this. I believe in you. ❤",0.9902,positive,acknowledging 2039,depressed,Happy Valentine's day for me,speaker,3,"Thank you for the support, i'm trying my best to not to think about the whole situation, still kinda lonely but maybe someday i'll be ok 💜",0.9216,positive,consoling 2040,depressed,Maybe the sad could find comfort within each other and everything could be alright,speaker,1, I find myself feeling so utterly alone without purpose or motivation. I have to wake up twenty minutes earlier than I have to everyday so I can get the hate for myself out of the way. I can't keep a friend because I find it very difficult to keep a conversation going. I know im not the only one that feels like this. Maybe if we talked about this more and accepted each others faults we would be a little better. Saying we'd be happy is bullshit but I think we'd be a bit less hopeless. Don't give up on one another when they are in an abyss. It feels good to be cared. The smallest gestures could save a life. Please keep trying. And I will too.,0.8057,positive,lonely 2040,depressed,Maybe the sad could find comfort within each other and everything could be alright,listener_1,2,Please let’s talk. Message me in private,0.3182,positive,suggesting 2040,depressed,Maybe the sad could find comfort within each other and everything could be alright,speaker,3,I tried to but I'm new to reddit so I think I messed it up somehow.,-0.4767,negative,embarrassed 2040,depressed,Depressed,listener_2,1,Hi back again tmrw m going for my brother follow up who has recently been diagnosed with acute renal failure. I am keeping my fingers crossed that he does not get admitted and shows improvement as he s 30 n doc says chances of improvement. I feel very disturbed by hospitals and all. I hav had enough of it in past with my pa s liver failure. I am scared. My boss wants me to join back work n I m confused wat to do. M poor too. Just need prayers n assurance. So I wont loose control,-0.6666,negative,apprehensive 2040,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,2,Praying for you and your brother ♥️,0.7717,positive,caring 2040,depressed,Depressed,listener_2,3,Thank u dear .it looks promising so we r hopeful now. Xx,0.885,positive,wishing 2040,depressed,Depressed,listener_2,4,Yes thank u I guess prayers r working n doc said he looks bttr. So keeping fingers crossed.,0.6369,positive,hopeful 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,1,"I really don’t understand why I am easily forgotten. I went to a visitation today for a friend of the family...and one of their sons kept going on and on about how he had never met me. I know that he had and corrected him on it. I was only a little child when he knew me so it didn’t really bother me that he couldn’t place me. But it was his insistence that disturbed me and made me feel worthless. Then the real kicker was—he told me, “Oh you must have been really quiet.” This is something I have struggled with my whole life. My introverted nature. This whole exchange lasted probably 15 minutes and it is propelling me into despair. Am I really nothing? If so, why am I even in this world?",-0.921,negative,annoyed 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,listener_1,2,The answer is right there. You are NOT nothing and that's why you are in this world. Because you are worth everything.,0.2263,positive,confident 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,3,Thank you very much for that. You are very kind.,0.7346,positive,wishing 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,listener_1,4,"My dumbass commented instead of replying. If you wanna talk, I'll be here waiting.",-0.5574,negative,annoyed 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,5,Thank you. Your reply made me cry-in a good way.,0.6597,positive,sentimental 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,6,"It’s like society abhors introverted people. I feel like I have good things to offer. I don’t know, maybe I ooze melancholy and that’s why people don’t remember or think of me.",0.0258,neutral,lonely 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,7,Thank you. I may take you up on it.,0.3612,positive,hopeful 2041,depressed,Unforgettable,speaker,8,"Thank you for your words. This is hard to remember when times are dark, but I will try.",0.1406,positive,grateful 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,1,I feel so depressed. I hate myself. I feel like there is no hope of this depression getting better.,-0.8724,negative,sad 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_3,2,"It will, I promise, it really does just take time, which sounds like something you may always hear, but it sadly is the only truth. If you want it to get better soon, you have to make an effort to fix whatever is the cause you feel this way.",0.7140000000000001,positive,neutral 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,3,"I do make an effort. I am in therapy, I see my psych, I take the meds. I practice the skills. I can have 3-4 okay weeks then everything goes bad again.",-0.3818,negative,prepared 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,4,"I don't even know. I should be happy. I have a ""great life"" from the outside. Inside I am slowly being destroyed by my own thoughts.",0.6808,positive,devastated 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,5,Thanks! It's so hard fighting to win over your own mind.,0.5455,positive,acknowledging 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,6,Thanks. I have dealt with anxiety and depression since childhood. After I had my own kids it came back stronger then before. It has destroyed the person I worked so hard to be before I got pregnant.,-0.608,negative,sympathizing 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_4,7,It really is but we got this! You’re welcome!,0.6792,positive,neutral 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_5,8,Overthinking?,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_2,9,Probably. My thoughts are my worst enemy!,-0.8356,negative,agreeing 2041,depressed,Worthless,listener_5,10,"Think less ,take actions.If you want to do something do it If you want to say something,say it. You may be wrong about the thing you'll say or do,but you'll no longer have that thought in mind. Idk",-0.6249,negative,neutral 2042,depressed,My dog passed away today,speaker,1,"I stayed up all night with him because he was whimpering, I didn’t want to leave him alone. My mom and sister brought him to the vet today while I was at work, and during my lunch I texted my sister and asked how he was doing. She said he had cancer and that it was going to get a lot worse so they decided to put him to sleep. He had lost the ability to walk with his back legs, so it was really hard seeing him not being able to play like he used too. I cried like a baby at work, and I just feel so emotionally drained and tired. I feel good knowing he’s in a better place, but I’ll miss him. Rosco was a great dog, love you. I feel like I’ve been posting too much on Reddit, so I apologize, it’s been a rough couple months.",0.9291,positive,sad 2042,depressed,My dog passed away today,listener_1,2,"i'm sorry. i'm sure he's better off, but ... he'll be missing you too. i'm sorry. i ask myself.. did god fuck up when he made doggos shorter lifespan than humans? Did he release them early for good behaviour? Or did he make humans lives longer because they deserve the suffering? Doggos <3",-0.6946,negative,sympathizing 2042,depressed,My dog passed away today,speaker,3,"Yeah he is, just glad he’s not in pain. Dogs are literally the best",0.9022,positive,grateful 2043,depressed,"I have no worth in the world, and it's not only in my mind",speaker,1,"I feel worthless, and I really am worthless. Why do oeople always say ""everybody had some worth""? I contribute absolutely nothing to anyone, there's nobody who genuinely cares about me and if I died absolutely nobody will care, I probably won't have a funeral, and if I somehow will, it's gonna be pretty fucking empty. A few years later and there will be no people to even remember I was ever alive to begin with. Do I worth anything? I don't feel like it. Depression is nothing new to me, but lately it feels like it has gotten just so much worse... the worthlessness is just unbearable",-0.5395,negative,sad 2043,depressed,"I have no worth in the world, and it's not only in my mind",listener_1,2,Hey I’m not worth a damn thing either! You are not alone.,0.3867,positive,agreeing 2043,depressed,"I have no worth in the world, and it's not only in my mind",speaker,3,"Maybe it's my illness talking, but it's not like I can just shake the feeling off, and the rest I said is true...",-0.0297,neutral,neutral 2043,depressed,"I have no worth in the world, and it's not only in my mind",listener_2,4,"Okay. I would try to stop these self hate thoughts we get asap. And i have seen myself when you keep fighting back it can slowly get better. I used to enjoy hating myself all the time, it was rewarding and i felt like i dont ""deserve"" beautyfull life like other people. But thats my irrational ill mind talking there. I have good intentions, i have goodness in me. Even if i cannot act like i wanted to i still have potential and good things in me. If you saw your friend having similar life to yours would you say ""that guy does not deserve a good life"" if not, then you know it was your illness mocking you. Not your rational self. Most depressed people are often the most kind and loving ones. Its very valuable feature right there.",0.9034,positive,ashamed 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,1,"Hi, I'm not really a lurker or anything. Joined after someone told me to, thought this be the best place to post it. I don't know if this is depressing or not, but I want to become white. Like, I want to turn into a white person. Why? Well... When I started getting into Musicals and other music other than the 'normal(?) music' my mom started calling me white. She started saying I wasn't fully black like everyone else, since my real daddy was a lightskin, so I was white. The rest of my family just joined in and started calling me white, and it's severely damaged the way that I look at my skin tone, my hair, and everything. A few months ago I spilled some acid on myself and was rushed to the hospital. That patch of skin turned white, and I was, for some reason, so so happy that I was finnally a bit or white. I thought about doing that again, spilling acid all over myself so then I can be white, like they want me to be, since they keep calling me a white girl, but when I actually thought about it, I didn't think it was a great idea, so I put myself in therapy, paying for the cost by working two jobs at the age of 16. I soon found out I was depressed, and (something I had known since I was a kid) I had severe social anxiety (hence why I have a Emotional Support Animal.). She told me that I should stay away from acids and things like that for the time being, but I don't know. On one hand, they'd stop calling me white. On the other, I could just forget about them. I don't know.",0.9298,positive,ashamed 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,listener_1,2,I think it’s just pressure. Because if someone makes you feel bad for behaving like something. You will just want to make it happen so they will stop. I hope you make it through the rough patch you are going through.,-0.3535,negative,consoling 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,3,I have talked to them about this yet they still refer to me as white.,0.0,neutral,surprised 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,4,"Yeah, I'm going to try and see how therapy goes.",0.29600000000000004,positive,consoling 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,5,I have told them how I feel and yet they still call me white,0.0,neutral,angry 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,listener_2,6,Oh that really sucks :(,-0.7159,negative,acknowledging 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,listener_3,7,"I'm sorry. But despite what they say, you should love yourself. If you need to talk, I'm here for you.",0.7684,positive,sympathizing 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,8,I know,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,9,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,10,Thank you.. that helps.,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,11,This really helped. Thank you,0.4173,positive,acknowledging 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,listener_3,12,You're welcome. I'm here for you,0.4588,positive,content 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,speaker,13,Thanks so much for the kind words,0.743,positive,wishing 2044,depressed,Is it bad I want to be white so my family stops yelling at me?,listener_4,14,Anytime dude.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,speaker,1,"Maybe not physically but more emotionally. Like ""Fuck it All!""",-0.4157,negative,suggesting 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,listener_1,2,Every damn day,-0.4019,negative,angry 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,listener_2,3,Everything in our brains.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,listener_3,4,Are you eating and drinking water? Be kind to your liver!,0.5707,positive,questioning 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,listener_4,5,"I don't care about anything so no, no water no food. I'm done",-0.4970000000000001,negative,content 2045,depressed,Is anyone else feeling Self-Destructive?,listener_3,6,"Understood. I think I chose 'slow suicide' myself -maybe like 30 years ago. On the other hand, I want to die peacefully, or otherwise exit without agonies like failed organs. I can feel heart disease creeping in.",0.6996,positive,hopeful 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,speaker,1,When your favorite hangout spot becomes boring as all hell? Then your favorite dining places become the places you dont want to go to? And when you cant even enjoy your favorite meal? Or you know youre hungry but anything you can think that you might enjoy doesnt even sound appetizing?,0.7082,positive,sad 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,listener_1,2,"Yes, it's the worst. Nothing is enjoyable anymore, absolutely nothing...",-0.5867,negative,sad 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,speaker,3,The only thing thats sort of enjoyable for me is getting home and sleeping,0.3832,positive,content 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,listener_1,4,"Sleeping is the best, the more depressed I get, the better my dreams are, it's so disappointing to wake up, everything sucks in the world",-0.1051,negative,sad 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,speaker,5,It really is. My best dreams have only happened recently and Goddamn do i just want to stay in there,0.6557,positive,sad 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,listener_1,6,"I get it, I used to be less depressed and had less good dreams and more bad ones, but lately I got hella more depressed and it's like the dreams are compensating for the reality. Dunno if it's the same for you tho",-0.1009,negative,sad 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,speaker,7,It definitely is. They're more vivid and WAY more pleasant. I love them. I just want to be in there forever. At least the person I love is in there.,0.9456,positive,agreeing 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,listener_1,8,"I wish I could just live in my dreams instead of in my actual life... Dreams feel so euphoric these days, so glad there's someone here who gets it.",0.9474,positive,content 2046,depressed,Isnt it the worst?,speaker,9,It does feel like my mind is trying to make up for whats happening in my life right now. I just want to sleep for a whole week to live in there.,0.4215,positive,lonely 2046,depressed,Ugh,listener_2,1,Hate myself. My girlfriend. Her chronic fucking back pain. My stupid ass attitude. My life. Me.,-0.9346,negative,ashamed 2046,depressed,Ugh,listener_3,2,When life kicks you down who said you couldn't get back up?,0.0,neutral,neutral 2046,depressed,Ugh,listener_2,3,I'm my own worst enemy.🤦‍♀️,-0.8225,negative,ashamed 2046,depressed,Ugh,listener_3,4,"Then defeat whatever problems you have, bud. It's not that easy, no, it's hard as hell to overcome a lot of things. But nobody said it was impossible. Judging from your post, Im gonna assume you have anger issues. Take a walk, reflect. I don't know what you are like in real life, but when ever you feel like shit, like the world is kicking you down, know that I'll be on your side. Your girlfriend will be on your side. If you need to vent, I'll be here waiting. Chin up.",-0.8295,negative,faithful 2047,depressed,Thinking about committing suicide again,speaker,1,Then i thought about my parents and i felt so ashamed.Im literally crying right now I really wish i was an orphan,-0.0953,negative,ashamed 2047,depressed,Thinking about committing suicide again,listener_1,2,Let it out. I find myself in the a similar way of thinking fairly frequently and I find it best to cry and let out the negative feelings. Maybe even find someone you can cry to. I’m not in anyway saying that it’s a solution to your issue but it’ll help you feel better in the short run,0.7351,positive,sad 2047,depressed,Thinking about committing suicide again,listener_2,3,"> But when life kicks you down who said you couldn't get back up? I look at all comments for the sub and I notice you repeating this sentence: it's not specifically against sub rules, but it's a bit 'low effort'. Otherwise, your contributions to sub discussions are fine.",0.029,neutral,neutral 2048,depressed,This shit is not fun,speaker,1,I’m so tired of being a great person and getting shit back. I’m tired of going through pain I was happy until that shit was ripped away because she wants to be a fucking hoe and “experience.” Why would you throw something away when that person would’ve done anything for you? Also I want my mom why did she have to die? I want her here so I can feel okay my heart is broken,-0.8574,negative,sad 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,speaker,1,"Another night of restlessness and all I can think about is how I have nobody to talk to that understands what I'm dealing with. Everytime I've tried to talk to my family or friends they basically just say ""It'll get better"", ""I wish there was something I could do."", or ""You should go to church on Sunday."" I have nobody and the people that I did have either passed away, drifted apart, or I've drove off because I'm so broken. I just sit here numb every single day, faking a smile to appease everyone around me while hoping for a miracle to make things better. The only person that made it worth waking up is gone because of me and my issues. I feel so pitiful and stupid when I type things out because I sound like a broken record. I just want to not immediately wake up miserable anymore. Sorry for the rambling. It's late and once again I find myself feeling so tired and drained yet unable to sleep.",-0.7412,negative,lonely 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,listener_1,2,"Hey, hey, hey. Bud, it's going to be okay. There's probably, no, definitely other peoe who can help you more than me, but, I want you to know, that when life kicks you down, it doesn't mean you can't get back up.",0.5574,positive,neutral 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,speaker,3,I hope so. I can't keep living this it's tearing me apart. Thank you,0.6597,positive,consoling 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,listener_1,4,"If you don't want to live like that, then live. Go out and try new things. See the world. Take a walk. Reflect. You are the who will make your life what you want it to be. So make it. If you need to vent, I'll be waiting.",0.3773,positive,hopeful 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,speaker,5,Thank you for being kind.,0.7096,positive,wishing 2049,depressed,Feel so alone in the world.,speaker,6,"Thanks dude, I really appreciate it.",0.7089,positive,acknowledging 2050,depressed,I need her.,speaker,1,"Theres this girl. I have a huge crush on her but she has a bf. I have liked her for almost a year now and i try so much to get her outa my head but i cant. Everywhere i go she is all i think of and all i feel now is depressed. I try to forget about her but everytime i try it just makes me want her more. I feel like she is the one and the fact that i cant do anything about her slowly slipping away makes me heart broke. She understands me and i and makes me feel so good, shes beautiful and funny and makes me laugh all the time, i think she liked me once aswell, but i never sore it and now i feel like i have lost her forever.",0.9869,positive,jealous 2050,depressed,I need her.,listener_1,2,"I've been in the same boat before. I knew the girl for a year and told her everything that bothered me. She kept me happy and made want to live, one time I think she even said if you kill yourself ill kill myself too. I really loved her but she had a bf. At one point they broke up and asked her out but she just wanted to be friends. After that I cut her out my life and I'm still regreting it, without her I feel worse than ever. Basically what I'm saying is even if you can't be in a relationship with her, you should still try to be around her cause you don't find people who can make you happy like that often. I'm sure eventually you'll find someone who likes you as much as you love her, but for now you have a great friend who can make you happier than anyone else can. I wish I still had that.",0.9865,positive,trusting 2050,depressed,I need her.,speaker,3,"Thanks man that really means alot and makes me feel better about tge situation and im sorry about her, have u try talking to her?.",0.6705,positive,sympathizing 2050,depressed,I need her.,listener_1,4,I'm glad I helped and no I haven't tried talking to her. But it's been half a year since I have and I feel like it would be really weird if I suddenly tried to reach out to her. I've had plenty of opportunities to in the past since we go to the same school. I would see her in the hallways alot and she would see me to but. I would always just walked right past her and say nothing.,0.6918,positive,ashamed 2050,depressed,I need her.,speaker,5,"U should say hello or start a convo, find a reason to talk to her so if u do text her i wont be outa the blue and awkward.",-0.1531,negative,acknowledging 2051,depressed,"Redditors who are depressed, do you ""feel love""?",speaker,1,"Were you able to love someone else despite hating yourself? I am asking because my gf says she doesn't feel any love or happiness but still wants to be with me. She refuses to tell me that she loves me but enjoys seeing and being with me. We hold hands often, and rarely hug (once every 2 days or so) and kiss (once a week, and its a quick peck), I initiate those about 3/4 the time. She wasn't like this at the start but she has been this way for the last 7 months. I have a feeling that she might be like this mostly due to not wanting to be lonely, rather than a result of her depression. The lack of affection is hurting me quite a bit, but I want to stick around for her if there's chances that it is depression.",0.489,positive,faithful 2051,depressed,"Redditors who are depressed, do you ""feel love""?",listener_1,2,"When Im depressed I want to cuddle, everyone is different. Are you getting your needs met?",-0.4588,negative,questioning 2051,depressed,"Redditors who are depressed, do you ""feel love""?",speaker,3,"I am like that too when I am feeling down. And it makes it worse as most times she seems hesitant, so no I don’t think so unfortunately.",-0.7954,negative,agreeing 2051,depressed,"Redditors who are depressed, do you ""feel love""?",listener_1,4,"My gf and I both struggle w depression and we tell each other we love each other all the time. And try to do nice things for each other. Sounds like a bad fit. Before you break up make sure to communicate how you feel openly, could be a misunderstanding",0.25,positive,caring 2051,depressed,"Redditors who are depressed, do you ""feel love""?",speaker,5,Thank you. I will discuss with her,0.3612,positive,wishing 2051,depressed,Why?,listener_2,1,"my mind is always bringing up negative thoughts and i always can't help but imagine on circumstances in which I commit suicide or how the people around me would react to my death or if i changed my appearance to what I aim for (handsome, intelligent, socially attractive,and more good things that an attractive person has). i am always so fucking bored, youtube doesn't entertain me as much as before so I stopped and social media is full of people posting about how fucking great their life is and here I am just overthinking things and imagining shit that makes me more depressed. i dont wanna open up to my family or someone close to me because I don't think they are gonna care and they'll only think of it as a minor problem. i really want to die rn but i really hate pain. i just want to sleep and never wake up again(srsly, is there a method to successfully do this?).",-0.9611,negative,sad 2051,depressed,Why?,listener_3,2,"> my mind is always bringing up negative thoughts and i always can't help but imagine on circumstances in which I commit suicide Pretty Normal thing to do, everybody does. &#x200B; > social media is full of people posting about how fucking great their life is Listen, Nobody is putting bad stuff happening on Facebook - you wouldnt post how depressed you are, how shit your day was, or that one time somebody looked at you funny. What you do post is vacation Pictures, Family gatherings etc. thats why everyone on Facebook looks Happy... they just dont share the negative parts of their lifes. &#x200B; Quitting Social Networks all together helps tremendously btw. &#x200B; > i really want to die Please dont :( Feel free to msg me if you need somebody to talk to although a professional would be better, sometimes it can help to vent to strangers. &#x200B; > i just want to sleep and never wake up again(srsly, is there a method to successfully do this?). &#x200B; No there is no guarantee you go peaceful in your sleep no matter what you do.",0.9716,positive,sad 2051,depressed,Why?,listener_4,3,"I know it’s not easy, but it might be worth talking to a mental health/wellbeing professional. This page has a list of contacts by country - they’re lovely people who understand how you’re feeling, and want to help. Others are available. They’ll be really happy if you’d call. https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlinesq It’s totally normal, and it’s something a lot of people are going through. You’re not alone, although it can feel that way. It’s just that your mind has learned some unhelpful habits. I knew someone who called them “brainweasels”.",0.9647,positive,caring 2052,depressed,I hate everything,speaker,1,"It's a very unfortunate predisposition to have but there's nothing I can do about it now. I used to enjoy things, but most of it was terrible. The music, the tv shows and movies, the comedy, the two faced friends and shitty girl friends. Sex is still good but I'd really like to meet a woman that isn't a terrible person. People are really dumb. The worst part is they never believe it. I think I'm separate from them because I don't like suffering. When it's either my own or someone else's there's nothing good about it. I don't understand what would make someone enjoy it. It's not just people though. The human body bothers me because of it's capacity for pain that is completely unnecessary. Things feel good but then the older you get the more fragile you are and you suffer so much for so long just to have it all end with one overwhelmingly, unimaginably painful experience and then that's it. That's all your time was. Trying to feel good in a kind of hell where immense suffering exists for no apparent reason. I don't know why I'm typing this though. I get the feeling there are a lot of things in life that are actually traps. Like alcohol, everyone is convinced it's fun but it's poison that kills you hard af. And people who drink a lot suck at being a people. I used to be one of those and looking back I can see where and how it made me dumber and lazier than I already was. Now that I'm sober I've realized people who drink a lot don't think clearly or something. It's hard to explain but they do things other people wouldn't do because of basic self awareness. So alcohol fucks you over, cigarettes fuck you over, drugs, gambling, driving like an asshole, getting into a fight, all of this shit is not tolerable in society. And yet it happens all of the time and people's lives are ruined by singular incidents. It's really unfair and I don't understand why society would operate that way. What is with all of this ""punishment"" for being unlucky? I'm not saying I want to do any of those things but all of them are encouraged. And generally done by drunk people. Also you never get enough time in life. If you aren't good at something in your early adulthood you will never be useful. You will work way too hard in an attempt to survive but you will be worn down and cast aside. I wish the immediate future would be some golden era of logic and reasoning but it won't be. Everyone knows it won't, we're probably all going to die because of garbage. I don't understand how humans can have the capacity to have intelligence yet be completely idiotic about it's application.",-0.9976,negative,jealous 2052,depressed,I hate everything,listener_1,2,"I feel the same I guess, although I still drink more than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t know if it makes me feel better, on a daily basis it does, but in the long term it fucks me over. Hope your okay, everything sucks, everything’s fine, like normal.",0.6369,positive,consoling 2052,depressed,I hate everything,speaker,3,"You should stop drinking, you will feel a lot better without it. I quit a few months ago and my overall energy level is way up along with feeling healthy and never sickly or tired. Ok is a relative term that can only be judged at the end of one's life. Because before then I will always be terrified of what the future is going to be. That's a good way of summing up normality though. Everything does suck and yet it's fine.",0.7511,positive,content 2052,depressed,I hate everything,listener_1,4,"Eh I’m pretty far gone alcoholism wise. I don’t think I can come back from this, but suicide is comforting and achievable I guess, so it’s not alll bad, I",0.7331,positive,content 2052,depressed,I hate everything,speaker,5,"Suicide isn't a good idea. It would be painful af and really hard to do. You can quit drinking, it's a lot better action than suicide.",-0.9201,negative,acknowledging 2052,depressed,I hate everything,listener_1,6,"Thanks for the help mate, I really appreciate the reddit community’s compassion when it comes to this matter. But the truth is, I just don’t like life that much, it’s Not a hugely depressing thing for me, but thanks for the help! I don’t think I’ll do it any time soon, it just helps me get through the day knowing I can! Thanks though! It restores my faith in humanity to some extent, knowing there are random people out there, without me knowing who they are, trying to stop me offing myself, because they hope my life will get better, that is beautiful, and so are you! Also I’m drunk alcoholic. Sorry if this comes off weird!",0.9923,positive,grateful 2053,depressed,My semester and mental health 1,speaker,1,"I feel very empty. I feel afraid, lonely and anxious the whole time. This week is going to be tough on me. The amount of stress and sadness is my body is giving me pains and aches at night before I go to bed. I don’t know if I can do it. Depression is a heavy word and I don’t know how to speak to anyone without them not taking me serious.",-0.9491,negative,lonely 2053,depressed,My semester and mental health 1,listener_1,2,"You can talk to me about it. I would be more than happy to listen. I've had this happen to me on numerous occasions. Unlike those people you think wouldn't take you seriously, i would believe you.",0.6701,positive,trusting 2053,depressed,My semester and mental health 1,speaker,3,Thank you ❤️,0.3612,positive,wishing 2053,depressed,My semester and mental health 1,speaker,4,I appreciate your thoughts and I will take you up on that advice.,0.4019,positive,caring 2053,depressed,My semester and mental health 1,listener_1,5,No problem! I'm always here for you!,0.4295,positive,faithful 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,1,"I am feeling very, very sad today. I am not someone who lets my on and off depression rule my life, but I've been utterly devastated the last few days. I am 41, recently divorced, no kids. I have a good job and I am not a complete idiot. But I had a very tough and lonely childhood. My dad is a fucking piece of shit loser and we haven't spoken in year. My stepdad is a decent guy, but he is going through his own troubles now. All I ever wanted was my own family, My grandparents raised, but only grandma is left. My mom and stepdad are good people, but they live in the Kardashian universe and I live in the Carl Sagan universe, so we don't have a lot in common. And since my divorce I have realized that it's never going to happen in again. Women in LA are looking for rich, show off, bad boys, and I've never tried to be one. I am good looking and have a stable career, but that's not enough for the local female population. I am so freaking sad today on Father's Day that I barely made it out of the house to meet up with my parents. The feeling of being alone is crushing me and my soul. I feel like biggest loser ever. All my friends are married and have kids. Why did I fuck up so badly in life? Why does it have to hurt so much? How can I make this pain a little less hurtful? How do I believe that not all women are the way that I think they are? I am weak right now, but I am a strong man. I don't let people walk all over me. I am not shy, I am not anti-woman, I am not a bad boy or a fake good boy, I am just me. I used to be able to meet women\\girls, all the time, but since my divorce it's like I don't exist. Another year, another year alone, no family, no kids, nothing to look forward to. I am not desperate for a woman. As someone said wisely, ""I don't want a woman because I am alone and I want someone to make me happy. I want a woman because I want to share my happiness with someone else"". This has been a painful day and I am not sure what else I can do. I am pretty much all alone in the world. I am sorry, I just can't take this pain anymore =\\",-0.9905,negative,devastated 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,listener_1,2,"Youve been trough a lot man im very sorry for you, hope shit gets better",0.1548,positive,sympathizing 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,3,"Thank you. I hope so too. I haven’t given up all hope, I’m just struggling right now",0.6705,positive,consoling 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,listener_1,4,Things will get better man I promise,0.6369,positive,hopeful 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,5,"Oh jeezzz, why didn't I think about joining a dating website or a meetup group. Please fuck off before I say something I might regret later. I was not grouping all women, but I was pretty correct about everything I said.",0.4215,positive,embarrassed 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,listener_2,6,"Well, you just proved why you have issues finding women. The problem is not women. It's you. You posted looking for advice (while leaking incel vibes), then you are an absolute jackass about it.",-0.5267,negative,angry 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,7,"Thank you. I am def hanging in there. I just wish I found something that would pull me towards that whatever... Like some signal, a sign, a hint. I feel lost because of that.... Gym is my motivation these days. Shooting for becoming the best looking 42 year old at the office = )",0.9001,positive,hopeful 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,8,"If I am leaking incel vibes, you're leaking Brie Larsen vibes.",0.0,neutral,guilty 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,speaker,9,"Please fuck off. I was married for 7 years you dumb twunt and she left after a lot of bad stuff happened with me and my family, and she decided that the grass is greener on the other side. I have a girl I am seeing now, though not seriously. You must be a feminist to speak the way that you do. I wasn't looking for advice from people like you. I am not having issues finding women. I am having issues finding quality women that have not been brainwashed to hate all things men. I was raised by strong women who had their own minds, but also cared for their families. I feel sorry for you and this society because you chose that path to go after me. You're lucky you're just a keyboard warrior and don't have the balls to say something like that to my face. Anyone who brings up the word incel while in conversation is a feminist low life and please don't respond, because I am seriously not in the mood for stupid people.",0.1677,positive,angry 2054,depressed,A sad father's day,listener_2,10,"Feminist literally means believing men and women are equal. So you don't? Nothing you said makes any sense. You feel sorry for me and society because I called you out on your misogyny and bullshit? And you think the word feminist is an insult? And you clearly do not respect strong women or women with opinions. Plus, no one who respects strong women would ever try to use feminist as an intended insult. That's a glaring indicator of your misogyny. And you keep changing your story. First you group all women; then you said you don't. Then you said you have problems getting women to see you because they all want bad boys and you are not a bad boy and want to be just you; now you claim all the women you meet are brainwashed to hate men. You can't keep your story straight because women are not the problem. You are the problem and you are using women, and immediately attacking anyone who calls you out, as your excuse which you keep modifying to fit whatever scenario you claim is the issue. Even if you are completely contradicting yourself. Whatever it takes to blame others. I told you to try a dating site and you lost your shit. That's a clear indicator that you are only looking for someone to confirm the ""nice guy"" incel misogynist crap you spew. Think about this. I'm sure you won't because you don't respect women. But maybe something might click. Also, I can't have you attacking people on here simply for answering your post. We also don't tolerate misogyny. Enjoy being miserable and blaming women for all your problems.",-0.9779,negative,angry 2055,depressed,"I'm trying, but there's nothing",speaker,1,"Hello, This is my first post. I have effectively isolated myself from anyone. I am trying to do better. There's just nothing. I'm half the person I used to be, maybe less. It's a good way to describe it that my old 50 percent has become my 110 percent. I feel like I barely function as a person. I don't really think anyone cares, and I am not sure if that even matters. I try to do better. But, I can't make myself keep motivated or caring when there's nothing. It takes so much energy and effort. I really don't know why I bother. Every once in a while, I just get this itch to try and do something. But, it doesn't last. I tried anti-depressant from my doctor, but it scared me because it just made me feel more okay with the idea of ending things. I have no real point to posting this. It feels kinda like stuffing a note in a bottle and throwing it out into space.",0.9285,positive,lonely 2055,depressed,"I'm trying, but there's nothing",listener_1,2,Welcome; keep posting and commenting if it helps you.,0.6808,positive,wishing 2055,depressed,"I'm trying, but there's nothing",speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2055,depressed,"I'm trying, but there's nothing",speaker,4,I appreciate this.,0.4019,positive,sympathizing 2055,depressed,"I'm trying, but there's nothing",listener_2,5,Im glad that helps! Stay strong!,0.8585,positive,encouraging 2056,depressed,Seeing a new therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck!,speaker,1,"I started thinking of dying lately, especially after every failure in my daily life. My last therapist is relocating and stopped seeing patients, the current one is so busy she is booked out until August. I finally found the guts to find a new therapist and am seeing her tomorrow. I hope she is not a dud. If it doesn’t work, I might just go drown myself.",-0.6729999999999999,negative,apprehensive 2056,depressed,Seeing a new therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck!,listener_1,2,"It's not much, but i just want to say that i love you, and we would all hate to see you off yourself! You have friends and family who care so much about you!",0.9049,positive,acknowledging 2056,depressed,Seeing a new therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck!,speaker,3,"She is quite the therapist but unfortunately she is also going away on holidays for 3 weeks in July and she reckons I need weekly sessions... and medication. I am so afraid to go on the meds, reading about side effects are scary. Also she is too expensive for me to maintain on a weekly basis right now... $200 a session out of pocket!",-0.6476,negative,terrified 2056,depressed,Seeing a new therapist tomorrow. Wish me luck!,listener_2,4,"That sucks... Yeah, therapy sessions can be really expensive. The one I go to costs 400 bucks a session.",-0.0772,negative,acknowledging 2057,depressed,My life seemingly has no purpose,speaker,1,"So, since I was ~born my whole plan was after high school I was gonna join the Air Force and after that become a cop! Boom I get to the age of 17 and get into good enough shape to talk to a recruiter. He tells me “Hey you have asthma, so you can’t do what you wanna do in the Air Force.” Okay, minor setback. But no biggie, being a cop is all I really wanted in life anyway. 4 years later and 100 pounds added. I’m in talks with my state’s biggest police department, I applied not thinking they’d take me because I have no experience other than food service. Boom, next thing I know I’m in their class taking a three hour long written test and following that a physical test (a timed and strenuous obstacle course). I passed both and I was easily the biggest guy there so everyone was happy to see me pass, including myself. I was so happy my training the past few weeks had really shown good results and I was getting ever so close to my dream job. Then I go in to an interview the next week and they ask me about my drug history (that I had been forward about in a background check and the initial application), I tell them that I’ve smoked copious amounts of weed and taken mushrooms once in high school. They told me I’m indefinitely disqualified from their department and almost all departments will have the same qualification to get in. So here I am, all of my college is police related. I’m at a dead end job. What the fuck? I have no goals, I’ve never thought about another path, I never prepared for this. I don’t want to do anything else. They didn’t care at all about the weed, it was only the mushrooms. If I had known at the time (in high school) I would’ve not done it. But 3-4 years ago in high school I didn’t imagine it would have any effect on me today. So, yeah. I am void of all emotion now, I’m not happy, or angry, or sad, just empty. It’s been two weeks. Haven’t told my family. My coworkers helped me through it but everytime I see my family they all reference me being a “future police officer” and how they’re so proud of me. If only my stupid ass didn’t fail all of them by using mushrooms in high school.",-0.8827,negative,disappointed 2057,depressed,My life seemingly has no purpose,listener_1,2,"I heard the FBI is actually more lenient if you have gone 3 years without drug use., and they apparently need recruits.",0.3384,positive,surprised 2057,depressed,My life seemingly has no purpose,listener_2,3,"It is just one year for CIA. [https://www.cia.gov/careers/application-process](https://www.cia.gov/careers/application-process) \>>> Drug use >>> To be considered suitable for Agency employment, applicants must generally not have used illegal drugs within the last 12 months. The issue of illegal drug use prior to 12 months ago is carefully evaluated during the medical and security processing. &#x200B; /// Another few hints about the real world. \*Secret or Top Secret clearance only goes back like 7 years of your life. (FBI/CIA/Military/Contractor jobs etc) \*If your not doing a lie detector test (you know by googling the hell out of the job your applying for) Then just don't mention it at all. * I would recommend just doing military police. Don't tell them about it. You will probably get in no problem.",0.5693,positive,faithful 2058,depressed,depression is consuming me,speaker,1,"tw: self harm I am truly and deeply sad, depression is taking over me almost entirely, I really have been feeling suicidal lately, I don't want to, but it feels like I'd end up doing it somewhere around the ongoing year :( I feel very very hopeless",-0.9173,negative,devastated 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,1,"Sometimes, I think I'd like a friend. Not IRL, that's too much. I can't manage that. But, I do think about very distantly connecting with somebody about stupid simple shit like I found a neat song, listen to this.. or see this weird bug that's on my porch, I don't know. But, I really don't think I deserve one. Plus, who the hell send pics of a weird bug on their porch, is that even something friends do? I feel like an idiot.",-0.8486,negative,apprehensive 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,listener_1,2,"You always need a friend. Someone you can talk to, laugh with, hell, even just be with sometimes. It doesn't matter what your past is, you always deserve a friend,",0.6515,positive,trusting 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,4,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,5,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,6,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,7,Thank you. That's kind.,0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,listener_2,8,Seriously! Msg me. Sounds awesome,0.5707,positive,acknowledging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,listener_3,9,Also I’m donating my bug pics to picnut so please forward accordingly to him.,0.4572,positive,encouraging 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,10,Yes I have a photo of a fire fly I took the other day.,0.0772,positive,excited 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,listener_4,11,AH!! yesss!! am i allowed to see??,0.0,neutral,questioning 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,speaker,12,Yeah. Tell me how you want me to send it. I will.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 2059,depressed,Really don't think I deserve a friend,listener_4,13,"oh i can dm you, gimmi a sec",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2060,depressed,When you know you are depressed,speaker,1,That moment when you fire up pornhub and then decide you’re not in the mood to beat your meat.,-0.34,negative,apprehensive 2060,depressed,When you know you are depressed,listener_1,2,The fact that i know exactly how you feel hurts me to the core,-0.4767,negative,agreeing 2060,depressed,When you know you are depressed,speaker,3,Well I was away for awhile eh?,0.2732,positive,questioning 2060,depressed,When you know you are depressed,listener_2,4,I thought I was the only one. Damn...I’m shook af,-0.1027,negative,devastated 2061,depressed,People actually care for me?! Im shook,speaker,1,"I was having a crappy day, my parents yelling and reprimanding me for trying to be helpful, but then my closest and only friend surprised me and took me out to dinner with some of her friends, no one has ever cared for me enough to do something like this, I've been kinda depressed for a while but now I think things are looking up .",0.8638,positive,grateful 2061,depressed,People actually care for me?! Im shook,listener_1,2,"Of course people care about you. I'm sure you're an amazing person. If your parents treat you like that, screw 'em both. No parent should treat their kid like that. Listen, if you ever feel down, just think: the people of Reddit love you to the moon and back, even if we are complete strangers.",0.9652,positive,agreeing 2061,depressed,People actually care for me?! Im shook,speaker,3,"Thank you for that, It means a lot.",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2061,depressed,People actually care for me?! Im shook,listener_1,4,"No problem. Anytime you want, i'm free to talk if you have to.",0.7057,positive,questioning 2062,depressed,"When I'm alone for too long, my mind gets dark quickly...",speaker,1,"Hello. Anyone who clicked on this, I hope you are having a great day and if not, remember that you will feel better. Whether it be a slight chuckle at a meme on instagram, or your dying of laughter at a video or a joke. I posted this to try and have some communication as I don't like being alone. Even though, all my friends and family think I do. If you struggle with making friends and would love someone to talk to, I would very much like to talk! Keep in mind, I'm a 14 year old girl.",0.9809,positive,lonely 2062,depressed,"When I'm alone for too long, my mind gets dark quickly...",listener_1,2,"If you ever feel alone, you could talk to me. I'd love to help when you need it.",0.7096,positive,caring 2062,depressed,"When I'm alone for too long, my mind gets dark quickly...",listener_2,3,I agree with this. Volunteering helps a lot. You get a sense of fulfillment. Like you are making a difference in the world. It makes one feel needed and wanted.,0.765,positive,agreeing 2063,depressed,Sister's loss of a close friend,speaker,1,(16/m here) My 18 year old sister just lost a close friend from her class this weekend... I never experienced something like that so I don't know what I should do. I really want to help but I don't think I can. The boy apparently jumped off a bridge... Any tips are welcome!,0.7554,positive,apprehensive 2063,depressed,Sister's loss of a close friend,listener_1,2,"This might not be much of a tip, but try and comfort her. Just be with her every chance you can get and let her know you will always be there for her.",0.6956,positive,caring 2063,depressed,Sister's loss of a close friend,speaker,3,That sounds like a thing to begin with! I will do what I can to comfort her.,0.6476,positive,caring 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,1,"Ever felt as if you're looking for something or someone that isn't there or doesn't exist? You can feel an emptiness inside you which you want to fill, but you don't know what it is that you need. Never seem to get any clarification or comfort from opening up to others or often try to hide important information from them. Spend hours of the day lost in your own thoughts of self destructiveness, always think you're sub par and not worth it to anyone, and even yourself. Isolating yourself from friends and family when inside you crave their presence. &#x200B; I'm here to talk.",-0.4213,negative,lonely 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_3,2,Yes!!! This is exactly how I feel. I would talk to my parents but they told me my depression and anxiety isn’t real.,-0.7979,negative,agreeing 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,3,"If you feel as if you need help reach out to others. Your parents may not believe it but if you think its serious please ensure you do seek advice from someone. &#x200B; Talking to others about your problem is always helpful, they may not have an answer for you, but the fact you've gotten it off your chest could sometimes be all that is needed. The reassurance that someone is there for you also helps. If you ever need any help I am here and so are all your friends :)",0.9783,positive,trusting 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_3,4,Thanks. I have a friend that has the same problems as me which is helpful,0.7351,positive,acknowledging 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,5,"Then although you're in the same boat, it's your duty to comfort your friend and ensure yous both seek advice and get through it together :)",0.8834,positive,agreeing 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,6,Hope you're alright :),0.7845,positive,consoling 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,7,"Don't let yourself be alone with your thoughts too much, ensure you keep yourself busy and your mine occupied. I wish you a nice summer, but don't waste it. Go out and enjoy it! And, any time buddy, always here for you. I'm plodding along through my own daily uphill battle, so I know what it's like. :)",0.9381,positive,faithful 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,8,"You should never let yourself believe that you don't deserve something or someone as the likely hood of that being true isn't correct. You are just feeling that way because if you put someone on pedestal you often feel they're too good for you. Your friends are looking at your situation from the outside, they don't know what's going on with you physically and emotionally. And that's why it's often healthy to let someone in so not only can you get it off your chest but you have someone who is understanding and willing to help. I hope you find what it is you're looking for, but once you do never think that you're not good enough or don't deserve it buddy. Take care :)",0.9617,positive,trusting 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_4,9,Maybe someday I'll be. Patience is a virtue. May it pay off for all of us :) Otherwise I'll demand a refund.,0.5994,positive,hopeful 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_5,10,Thanks :( I felt terrible to what I did. The thoughts that I could have hurt her in some way.,-0.7579,negative,sympathizing 2063,depressed,A hard time,listener_2,11,Don't beat yourself up for it buddy. Look after yourself and when you're better and stronger perhaps things could work out between yous. Take care buddy :),0.8934,positive,suggesting 2064,depressed,Why must it be like this?,speaker,1,"I did everything right. I exercised, I dieted, i started to lose weight. I felt happy about myself. That was until I saw online all of my friends going to parties, hanging out with each other, going on dates and I'm at work almost every day. I'm all alone. I dont feel as if I belong anywhere or as if anyone wants to even be friends with me. All I want to do now is just give up on everything",0.8481,positive,lonely 2064,depressed,Why must it be like this?,listener_1,2,"Navy seals follow a concept called the *40*% *rule.* Essentially, it states that when you think your done and you have had enough, you're only 40% there. The mind and body do not like discomfort, and when engaging in a strenuous activity, whether exercise and some self improvement, you may start thinking you have hit a limit. Most likely your wrong. Extrapolating this to your situation, as I have recently done to myself, says you need to keep pushing. You have already shown great capacity for change and ethic. Why stop now? Because of someone else's good time? You are likely to have plenty of good times coming but only if you keep pushing. This morning I saw some people my age walking past my house laughing and enjoying themselves. They were happy, attractive, seemed to be living there best life. I say lets take that and turn it into fuel not discouragement. So don't give up, because that won't get you to where you want to be. Keep pushing, reevaluate your job and the time you spend at it. If it isn't paying enough to warrant the time you are sacrificing, start thinking about what it would take to get you somewhere with more of a work/life balance. None of these things are easy but we shouldn't throw in the towel just yet. Keep at it!",0.9907,positive,apprehensive 2064,depressed,Why must it be like this?,listener_2,3,"Was going to write a comment for OP but this hit it in the head, I've taken from it myself. Cheers for sharing bud.",0.8338,positive,wishing 2064,depressed,Why must it be like this?,listener_3,4,I feel like this was written for me ❤️,0.3612,positive,sentimental 2065,depressed,I’m really suffering here,speaker,1,"I did something awful and let my brain turn down a great job offer. I got scared. Now I am fantastically depressed and thinking about suicide. I know this sounds so entitled as I have a job right now that I hate. I’ve never felt this bad in my life. I want to die and have called the suicide hotline, a counselor and talked to friends and family. Everyone is like it’s nbd but I’m a drastically beside myself that I fucked up my entire life. I hate my job so much and worked really hard to get out and now I’m just like wtf did I do why did I do this - really beating myself up. I have never been this dark. I tried so fucking hard and now I have to go back to this place I loathe. Wtf is wrong with me?",-0.9934,negative,ashamed 2065,depressed,I’m really suffering here,listener_1,2,"Hang in there. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but let this make you stronger",0.5023,positive,consoling 2065,depressed,I’m really suffering here,speaker,3,Thank you. It’s sounds so stupid to commit suicide for a fucking job but I am prone to deep dark depression. I just can’t believe I did this to myself- and because it was all me- I want to punish myself in some way.,-0.9209,negative,neutral 2065,depressed,I’m really suffering here,listener_2,4,You're only human and everyone feels that way at time. I'm glad you've come to that realisation and punishing yourself is never the way! Keep your head held high and always look on the bright side! Take care :),0.8436,positive,wishing 2066,depressed,I get knocked down and I get up just to be knocked down again.,speaker,1,"Sense 2016 my life bas been a mess. In 2016, my family and I lost our house to a fire. A year later my dad passed away in a house that was supposed to be our temporary place till our house was rebuilt. Turns out we were never going to get that house back because of some shitty shady stuff our relatives pulled on us. After my dad passed away my relationship with my mom was rocky because of our loss plus the meds her doctor put her on didn't help her mental state. A year goes by and mom got off her meds, but now we're back at staying in motels with my siblings because our landlord raised the rent and the neigborhood was getting dangerious for my younger siblings. Eventually my friend let us stay with her and her girlfriend. They had an extra room so all 5 of us crammed our stuff in that room and stayed there for a good bit. Mom got a job as a lyft driver, I was on track to graduate highschool finally after having to stay an extra year. I was working out and losing wight, happier than ever with myself. Our luck started to look good again. Out of no where mom got a little extra money so she decided to take us to lake tahoe for winter brake. Once we got back we got bad news. We were being kicked out. Another friend offered me to stay with them and mom just went back to staying in motels. We've been looking for our own place for a long time now, with no luck. I tried my hardest to finish school this time but it looks like im going to be back for another year. With this constant struggle, I've lost all motivation. My depression, anxiety, and stress keeps me up at night. I feel like this cycle wil never end.",0.2385,positive,devastated 2066,depressed,I get knocked down and I get up just to be knocked down again.,listener_1,2,Have you tried looking for a part time job? It could be a good distraction to keep your mind busy and also help financially.,0.4588,positive,suggesting 2066,depressed,I get knocked down and I get up just to be knocked down again.,speaker,3,"Ive tried but i dont have a address for the employers, i would use my friends but his family is on financial thing that'll mess up if its detected that the household has another source of income",0.2263,positive,neutral 2066,depressed,I get knocked down and I get up just to be knocked down again.,listener_2,4,Might be worth looking into orgs in your area that aid the homeless. They might know of a workaround or have some advice.,0.2263,positive,suggesting 2066,depressed,I get knocked down and I get up just to be knocked down again.,listener_1,5,You may be able to use a local church if you explain your situation.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2067,depressed,Feeling really alone tonight.,speaker,1,"No matter where I go in life, I always feel like I have absolutely no one. But really, I have everything. A place to live, food to eat, family to love, and a boyfriend to spend my time with. So why do I feel so empty and alone? I moved away from home last year, away from everything and everyone I knew, other than my family who moved with me. I started over, made friends, and got a really amazing boyfriend. But I never stop feeling like it’s just me. No one that loves me, no one to talk to, nothing. I understand that it’s stupid that I feel this way when someone people genuinely have nothing. I’m grateful for what I have, but at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if I lost it all. I’m so terrified of losing everything that makes life worth living, to the point where I’d rather withdraw from all pleasant things and just suffer. I need help, but medication has yet to help (still trying), and I can’t seem to connect to any therapist I go to (again, still trying). But for the time being, I don’t know what to do. I’m so sick of feeling this way and sick of crying about non-existent problems.",-0.9635,negative,lonely 2067,depressed,Feeling really alone tonight.,listener_1,2,If you can get therapy that might help. I can relate but unfortunately I haven’t found the solution 😔,0.2846,positive,acknowledging 2067,depressed,Feeling really alone tonight.,listener_2,3,"Don’t feel alone. You are loved and able and a real person who who has a lot to give to this world, whatever that is. You are appreciated.",0.7351,positive,lonely 2068,depressed,Is it odd or more common than I think?,speaker,1,"I’ve [21M] been in and out of depression since I was in middle school. But growing up, the more and more I embraced it, I would began to get more and more artistic. Drawing sketches, playing guitar, and just thinking deep thoughts philosophically. For me, I just feel this part of my brain open up and do it’s thing. Growing up during all of my adolescence, this was all I knew. Then when it comes back, I greet it. I remain comfortably numb, and open up to the part of me that I’ve known during my years of growth and development. I guess it’s my way of coping. Is it strange that I feel this way? Can others relate? Tell me your perspective, I’m always open to view others perspectives.",0.8426,positive,proud 2068,depressed,Is it odd or more common than I think?,listener_1,2,"Just basic living is good enough for me, long-term even, and that helps me until the next 'manic' phase when I find a new toy to mess around with...or some new quest to understand this or that. I blame TVland, and its ridiculous standards for 'happy living'.",0.4215,positive,content 2068,depressed,Is it odd or more common than I think?,speaker,3,Ain’t that the truth.,0.3182,positive,questioning 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,speaker,1,"Wake Up wake up sleepy head 01 Jun 19 I'm still trying to process the past couple of minutes. I'm trying to wake up from this dream. It just can't be true. There's only one thing going through my mind, ""I don't want to be alone"". I start driving to the only thing that I know that would be open this late. I'm not really a patron that partakes in this exact vice, but I just can't be alone right now I just can't be. I nervously walk into the bathroom to start looking at myself in the mirror. It's weird seeing what other people see when it comes to yourself. Kind of how your brain tunes out your nose unless you really try and concentrate on it. I tried that but I wasn't trying to concentrate on my nose. No I was still seeing that it was me. I should probably also say that I'm on acid and the trip is just kicking in. I didn't really notice it since the aggression help me through the drive. I don't know what I'm doing here. I feel disgusted and vile just stepping in this place. It's just this is the only place where you can buy some companionship even if it's only for a little while. I decide that I should just go with the flow and withdraw money from the atm. Well if it ain't just my luck the damn thing is saying I'm out of funds. Did I already hit rock bottom that hard that I actually didn't notice this time? Nah it must be a machine error. I decide that the bartender should be able to get me the funds I need for the company I oh so desire right now. I stumble through my words to be able to communicate that I need money and I need it badly. I need something to go right tonight. I guess he saw how badly I was tweaking out looking like shit that he might have fell some sort of pity. It's neither here nor there all that matters is that i have 60 crispy ones and two bottles of cider as well as two vodka in me. It's showtime. I make my way to the table right next to stage to get a better look. At this point the drugs and alcohol were screwing with my already messed up eyes. I couldn't really concentrate on the girls. I was more entertained with the flashing light going on around them. I just kept looking at them as if I finally found the distraction I needed the one I was looking for. This was all cut short when one of the dancers decides to inquire for the reason of tonight visit. I tell her what happened and she tells me that terrible. She asked if she could provide me with her services. As soon as she said that the lights flashed in her face and I saw a good look at where I was. I think she saw the expression on my face I have a terrible poker face especially under the influence. I politely declined the offer with just saying that I'm just too sad for that right now but thank her for the offer nonetheless. I should probably clarify that I'm not happy about this situation, I'm not happy that I have to pay to not  be sad in my own pity party, and I'm not happy about what we talked about. The lights soon turn on and it was time for the vermin to find another hole to crawl into. I ended up feeling more empty than when I first arrived so I went back home. I found it so hard to go into my house and go to bed. This just can't be real. All of this is just a dream I must have passed out and I'm just dreaming of all this. I check my pocket to find a bag of shrooms. Well since this is a dream, well fuck it. I down the bag and leave no trace of the earthy tasting mushrooms. I muster up the courage to get myself to my bed where I just start staring at the ceiling. I just want to make as many self destructive decisions as possible today. As soon as I was about to get up again to start my next spree I catch a glimpse of the movies you gave me. I haven't seen the second one and i don't really have any plans right now so i guess my rampage could wait for a bit. I insert the disk and get whisked away into the world of anime heroes. I usually nerd out internally when I watch this sort of stuff but the drugged made it seem like I was actually there. I felt amazing when the hero was showing off, I felt sad when the hero hit a conflict that stop his progress to save the day, and I cried when he pushed thought despite the odds. For a moment I felt like a kid again and I was happy. I didn't know about anything else expect that the hero will make it through this time he just has to. The movie finishes and the TV fades to black. There he is again you,me, myself. ""You know I fucking hate you"", I yelled at the TV expecting to get a response. There was none obviously. I needed something else to distract me so I decide to stare at the ceiling fan while I vaped a bit. I remembered that we switched vapes and i had yours. I hold on to it for dear life because I know if anything happens to it I'll die. I mean I know that I wouldn't really die, but I felt like it so I protected the only thing I had of yours. I start remembering you. I start crying. I can't stop crying. I don't want to stop crying. It just feels right. So I cry until it hurts cry till my tear ducts run dry. I'm so lost right now. I thought sleep sounded like the best thing to do for now. I forgot that I self medicated a bit much so I'm stuck with my inner thoughts all night long. I hear voices that say I should fucking end it. That I'm worthless burden that contributes nothing to the people around me. It would be a favor to everyone if I was just gone. I tried to reason with the voice, but he only got angrier as well as yelling louder till my voice became a silent whimper. I cover my face to find out that morning is finally here. I muster up the strength to get up and look out my window. I start looking at the floor. I'm peggy high off the ground really never noticed till now. The voice told me that this is my chance. Just make my way to the roof to finally put an end to this all. I opened up the window to be able to climb to the roof. As I gaze as the floor before I start thinking how much this is going to hurt. I stop myself and remember that book I read. The name escapes me right now. Its kind of funny that I can't remember the story title anymore. I pull out my phone to look up the name before it starts to eat at me. I forgot that you're still my background wallpaper. I start to cry some more, then I start to listen to old voicemails to hear your voice before all this,  and then I cry some more. I used to cry all the time when I was a kid even if it was for the smallest things. It's kind of hard finding a reason to cry now except for that one time when my cat ran away from home, the aftermath with my friends, and now for you.",-0.9929,negative,terrified 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,listener_1,2,Definitely on acid.,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,speaker,3,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,listener_1,4,Did you go through a breakup recently then?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,speaker,5,Yeah,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,listener_1,6,I’ve been there before for sure. Was really self-destructive and to other people for about 8 months until I was by myself. Took me a lot of courage to get back on my feet and start things over again. But it’s been almost 2 years since then and I can say I’m finally happy now with my head on straight. Just takes time my dude. Find what you’re really passionate about and go for it.,0.945,positive,neutral 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,speaker,7,Yeah I'm trying to. It's just hard. I'm kind of trying to put all this emotions I got into writing maybe try to get it published. Who knows.,0.2023,positive,suggesting 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,listener_1,8,"Right now might be a good mindset to pump out a shit ton of writing for yourself, so then in the future you can go over it and have much more to work with rather than starting from scratch. Idk just a thought. Do whatever makes you happy my guy.",0.3818,positive,suggesting 2069,depressed,Need some help on this work I'm doing right now. Feel free to criticize.,speaker,9,Yeah thanks I appreciate it my dude 😌,0.8555,positive,acknowledging 2070,depressed,Feeling down and in need of affection,speaker,1,"DISCLAIMER: It's my first time doing this so bare in mind with my please. I just hit a point in my life where i feel absolutely miserable, i have next to no self esteem and crave affection, and well... i ended up here looking for advice. A bit about me before i dig into the issue: I'm an 18 yo average teenager from Romania ( i know, way too young to have such relatively meaningless issues compared to some really severe depression cases ), a romantic individual, that is into cars, history, music and to some extent psychology and philosophy. In one year i'll hopefully be a med student and i'll be able to pursue my dream of becoming a surgeon and getting my dream car. So far so good you might be thinking. I have some goals set, an apparently good selection of ""qualities"", so where exactly does the whole problem go down? Well, as stupid as it sounds, i can't get a girlfriend despite my best efforts. This issue is something that is really taking a toll on my life since i feel alone in this world all the time, not having a hand to hold. Being a romantic individual is making the situation a lot worse than it is, because i have all that cute, cheesy stuff in mind and nobody to do it with. I'm that rare type of guy, as i like to believe, that will give 100% percent to his girl, that will be there to catch her when she falls, that will support her no matter what, and that will rather cut his hand than cheat on her. I'd love to cook pancakes at 3 am for her while slowly dancing to good music, i'd be really interested in her passions and i'd even go shopping with her without complaining. Where does everything go wrong? I don't know to be honest... Despite my point of view regarding relationships, i get rejected in favor of disgusting, cheating and uneducated, and i hesitate to use the word, swines. I live by the principle that nothing is more bad ass than treating a woman with respect, but we all see how well that goes. I'm not the best looking guy out there so i try to compensate with manners and other qualities. I tried my luck multiple times throughout my life but every single time i end up with my dates cancelled with stupid excuses. The worst one i got so far was with a girl i met on a trip. She gave me her phone number and we chatted bit. We had a lot in common, taste in music, an eye for artistic stuff. She said yes when i first asked her to go out for a coffee, and at the last possible moment cancelled because : ""she wasn't in the mood for it"". Really now, i know i am ugly, but can't i even get a slight chance to at least try to show how i am? Another more painful experience happened like 4 mounts ago at an 18th birthday party. There was this girl sitting at the table alone and scrolling trough her phone looking bored and sad. After calming my anxiety and growing a pair i decided to act and went to talk to her to see what's up. We talked like 4 hours straight, she even cancelled her uber to stay and talk, despite the fact she wanted to leave. At the end of the night she was the one that asked for my instagram ID. We kept talking for a week after the party and i decided again to try my luck out and i invited her to a coffee. This time, the idiot me, actually overthought it to great extent and developed some strong feelings and when she said no on the reasoning that there is somebody else in her life ( some boy that she liked for like half a year, who didn't even acknowledged her existence that much), i was broken. I read the message and crashed on the couch incapable of moving for the next hour or so. Of course, i know that we don't decide who we fall in love to, so she isn't at fault for anything, but it's still painful and annoying to see how people that aren't even trying get what you want. To make matters even worse, i am more or less forced to see all kinds of ""modern boyfriends"" completely miss treating their girls and cheating on them and cursing them and so on. I cannot express in words how much that grinds my gears and how much satisfaction i'd feel smashing their head on a table. I'm sitting there waiting to give out love and respect and everything that i think is needed for a healthy relationship, and well... nobody seems to want to receive it. I don't think i have ever been liked by a girl, i am usually the one that has to try and get ruined in the end. Anyways, there are more experiences like this, but 2 should suffice i think. This whole rejection thing crushed me to a point i can only think of how much i want the things my life lacks, and that is not a good way to live. Constantly being reminded that i am alone, not appreciated and not loved is painful and kinda interferes with my moods, life decisions and goals. That's about it, thank you for taking your time to read and excuse my novel, but i needed to take a stone off my heart.",0.8822,positive,trusting 2070,depressed,Feeling down and in need of affection,listener_1,2,"Coming from a girl who could easily reject you too, I think youre perfect. And I think those girls who took you for granted think so too. Youre one of those guys girls speak of in a sad longing way like ""Yea he was such a nice guy"" and theyre sad about it because they know they deserve you but they cant bring themselves to actually want you. And its not just appearances, altho for some it factors a lot. And I guess thats only human for someone to gravitate moreso towards a person theyre physically attracted to but once that instinctual tendency to look for aesthetically beautiful faces wears off, its always the personality that counts. These girls, they didnt reject you because they cant see past your appearance. They can and they love what they see. They reject you because they might not even be aware of it but they settle for the kind of love that they think they deserve. They settle for half assed relationships and complain about it but stay because deep down, they themselves have issues that led them to believe this is what they deserve. I know because I could easily be the girl that rejects you and yet thinks about you longingly while coming home to my boyfriend half assed efforts and its okay because deep down, i think this is what I deserve. Not you and your heart and genuine affection and admirable efforts. I guess if I could ultimately sum it all up in an advice, itd be to look for a girl that knows what she deserves and knows that it is you and most importantly dont you ever change just because of an insecure girl who has trouble seeing her worth. Dont grow jaded, continue to treat women with respect and continue to be the type of guy all men should aspire to be.",0.9931,positive,agreeing 2070,depressed,Feeling down and in need of affection,speaker,3,"Wow, thank you so much, it means a lot :). You've really opened my eyes, never took internal struggles into consideration, i mean i did, but i never imagined the depth they actually have. I will be taking your advice into consideration. PS: i never plan on changing who i am, the second i do that i won't be myself anymore.",0.5726,positive,neutral 2071,depressed,Bizarre Changes,speaker,1,I’ve made what may be a horrible discovery. I’ve been certain the letuda was helping but couldn’t figure out how until I saw one of the commercials. It takes the numbness away and brings back emotions and I’ve been using that to avoid a lot of shit. It’s been so long since I last had normal emotions I didn’t recognize them 😬,-0.9267,negative,apprehensive 2071,depressed,Bizarre Changes,listener_1,2,How have you been coping so far?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2071,depressed,Bizarre Changes,speaker,3,I’m hoping I’ve got enough distance from the situation so it doesn’t knock me down but I expect more of an issue with it as the dose increases. I really hate being unemployed I feel like a useless human being and the longer I stay at home the harder it is to leave and I’m not sure how that’s going to affect me when I can just say never mind I don’t want to think about and shove it behind a wall.,-0.8091,negative,apprehensive 2072,depressed,Isolation,speaker,1,"I have effectively isolated myself so well that nobody would notice or care if I just disappeared. This is what I wanted. This was my goal. I think it was partially subconscious. I knew what I was doing. But, I think I got the purpose wrong. I thought I was trying to protect myself. But, I think I was more trying to protect anyone else.",0.69,positive,ashamed 2072,depressed,Isolation,listener_1,2,"I'd be willing to talk, if you needed.",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2072,depressed,Isolation,speaker,3,Things just get worse. Everyday worse.,-0.7351,negative,sad 2073,depressed,Im supposed to be happy,speaker,1,"I dont have a concrete reason so be this sad. If I do, its mostly from my own doing too (or lackthereof since I dont do anything anymore). I dont really have a sob story worthy of my crippling depression. I know that my family loves and cares for me. I have friends that would help me if I asked. But ever since I was young, I could never just bring myself to be happy. The good days are days when im numb because the normal days are days when im struggling with choosing to continue existing. I dont understand whats wrong with me because I shouldnt have a reason to be this way. And yet I am and it makes me disgusted with myself because why cant I just be stable. Everyday is a constant struggle of looking to want this life and yet, everyday I fall short of finding a reason to live. I feel so selfish for being this way and I dont know how to express to my family that I am sad because WHY AM I SAD? i dont know",-0.9188,negative,sad 2073,depressed,Im supposed to be happy,listener_1,2,"Hey, kind of in the same boat as you. I have a loving family, a great, tight-knit circle of friends, and about to go off to a 4-year school transferring from a CC...yet I get sad as fuck when im by myself, especially at night. Not sure where it came from but after reading your post, I did notice that it has progressively gotten worse, starting around late middle school/early high school. I tend to overthink a lot, about my future, my next moves, what I should or shouldn't have done etc. I question my life and my reason for being on this Earth quite often as well as removing myself from it. I feel selfish having those thoughts but I can't help it some days. I'll have the best laughs with my friends in the day time, but somehow will always return to the pit of simp city as the day ends.",0.8547,positive,lonely 2073,depressed,Im supposed to be happy,listener_2,3,I believe depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain that can be genetic and can be triggered by the shitty weld we live in,-0.8074,negative,sad 2074,depressed,3 months alone,speaker,1,"I am taking care of a house in the middle of nowhere, the nearest town is 15 minutes drive away, and has 1500 people. I can feel myself getting lower and lower everyday, and still have 2 months to go. I have been depressed before, and know the symptoms, i have very little contact with family at home, i really can't leave where I am, just don't know how to improve my mood",-0.0448,neutral,lonely 2074,depressed,3 months alone,listener_1,2,I'm always open for you to talk if you want. I really do want to help...,0.5542,positive,caring 2074,depressed,3 months alone,speaker,3,"Thank you, if I feel like talking I will contact you",0.6124,positive,acknowledging 2074,depressed,3 months alone,speaker,4,"Thank you, much appreciated",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,speaker,1,"It's so exhausting pretending to be ok. Putting on that mask each and everyday. Being the beacon of positively when I want nothing more than to just break down. I'm not ok but no-one honestly wants to see the mess I am. I have to keep doing the ""right"" thing and put on a brave face. So many times I've dreamt of killing myself and none of them even have a clue. They don't know because I can never show them. This darkness needs to be kept hidden away from everyone else. I can't admit it to anyone so I have to continue pretending. I can only hope one day my smile won't be fake.",0.7825,positive,ashamed 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,listener_1,2,"I really want to help man. Listen, you can talk to me about anything, anytime you want. My PM and chat will always be open. I will be right there with you the whole time.",0.5936,positive,faithful 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,speaker,3,Thanks. That does help. I think I'm just really stuck at the moment. My life has imploded and the biggest support network I had ceased in the span of one phone call.,0.7190000000000001,positive,sympathizing 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,listener_1,4,Of course. Please just don't do anything to yourself... I don't want you to get hurt...,-0.32299999999999995,negative,sympathizing 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,speaker,5,Thanks. I'll be honest and I have taken to self-harm in the past but I think I'm not at that point at the moment. It's just nice to know there are people who do care.,0.9022,positive,trusting 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,listener_1,6,"Don't worry, i wont go anywhere. Whenever you feel ready, i'll be here.",0.6002,positive,neutral 2075,depressed,Hiding the pain.,listener_2,7,I 100% agree with you it hits me at the core and I dont know if I'm happy or sad on how much I relate.,0.4767,positive,agreeing 2076,depressed,Covering scars,speaker,1,Life recently blew up in my face. I'm slowly starting to recover but I'm not left with quite bad scars all over my legs. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get them to fade quickly? I don't want to spend the rest of my life covering up but I can't show my legs as they are.,-0.7595,negative,devastated 2076,depressed,Covering scars,listener_1,2,"Try jojoba oil it helps a little. Personally I got tattoo's to cover mine, and I swear the healing process helped them fade further. But that's not for everyone. Hope life gets better for you :).",0.3487,positive,consoling 2076,depressed,Covering scars,speaker,3,"Thank you. I'll give the oil a try. And if it doesn't work, it's a great excuse for tattoos. Thanks.",0.8689,positive,wishing 2077,depressed,So tired.,speaker,1,"I've been trying so hard to improve myself and stay positive but it's like everytime I start to think ""damn, today is a good day."" Or ""Things are finally getting better."" It's like life just fucking jinxes me. I was so happy literally just a few hours ago and now it's 4 AM and I can't sleep because I keep overthinking to the point of almost having anxiety attacks. The harder I try to be happy the worse things seem to get. I've never felt so weak and helpless. I'm just so sick of everything. I'm tired of being miserable, tired of the pain, and tired of being tired. The worst part is I have family and friends that really do care about me but I've never felt so alone and isolated.",-0.9818,negative,sad 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_1,2,"If you want, i would love to talk, try and make you feel better. I'll be right with you, not leaving your side until you have a smile on your face.",0.872,positive,sympathizing 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_2,3,"I looked at your comment history, and you are posting a variation of this comment over and over again: are you someone who actually suffers from depression?",-0.7783,negative,questioning 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_1,4,"Yeah, i do. I've had it for a while. I just try and help others when i can. I know what it's like for some people, so i try and get them to talk to me to try and take their mind off of it all for a little while. If you're suspicious, fine, but know that i really do want to help others.",0.8057,positive,agreeing 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_2,5,"Not accusing you, but there is a problem on reddit with certain accounts trying to get other users into a pm/chat for malignant purposes. Also the factor of 'wounded healers' who are interested in building groups of followers for narcissistic satisfaction, and they want private chats. It's fine to 'help', but the phenomena of 'professional helpers' is really a plague. Please be aware of your motivations, and whether or not you have anything to give away in the 1st place.",0.9581,positive,trusting 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_1,6,"After reading this, i guess i can understand why you're suspicious. Don't worry. All i'm doing is just trying to get them to focus on something other than what's bothering them.",-0.4007,negative,acknowledging 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_2,7,It's better to have convos in public threads where others may benefit from them.,0.7096,positive,consoling 2077,depressed,So tired.,listener_1,8,I'll try and work on it next time. Thank you for bringing this up though.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2078,depressed,Everything's just unfair,speaker,1,"I've always been ugly. On top of that, I'm broke and my family is very troubled. I've managed to live through that for 16 years, but it's different now. Now, I broke up with my ""girlfriend"" of whom I only bothered with because of desperation. Now, I got attached to this beautiful and stunning girl. It hit me hard, the knowledge that someone like me will never have a chance with her. It hurts. My chest cramps and this isn't the first time. The fact that I wasn't born handome or rich or just average. It really hurts. Honestly, the on lik thing keeping me from killing myself is my compassion from my mother. I don't bother asking for help. Truthfully, the people who want to help are just helping themselves, curing themselves of their conscience. I just wish I can't fell anything anymore.",0.9404,positive,jealous 2078,depressed,Everything's just unfair,listener_1,2,"Speaking from experience, depression and stress for many people mean that you feel nothing. Embrace that you feel something, even if it’s hurt. And honestly, you’re so young. There will be many more heartbreaks and that’s okay because you’ll learn something valuable each time about yourself, love, what you look for in that special someone etc. You call yourself ugly and poor and I’m sure it’s not nearly as bad as you make it out to be. We are our own worst critics. Either way, you are not the ugliest, nor the poorest person in the world. The difference in you and those people is that some of them thrive because they have realised that money and looks aren’t everything. It sound so cliché, but you can’t buy happiness and you can’t buy love. It may seem like you can, but it will be like a sugar rush. Up, up, up at first but then downhill very fast. And chances that you’ll ever find true happiness with that mindset is very unlikely. Instead you must work with yourself. The greatest way to connect with people is too be kind. Always. Some of the most likeable people in the world are not rich nor handsome or beautiful, but they are rich in kindness and it radiates from them. It makes them beautiful in their own way. So be kind to the new girl you like. Chances are that she’ll see you for who you are underneath, and even if she doesn’t, someone else willcome along and be so right for you that all the other heartbreaks won’t matter to you. And you’ll be and richer, more beautiful person because those experiences shaped you. Now, I want you to try something. Everything you feel your chest ache or pulsating faster than normal, breathe fast, almost boxer like breaths in through you nose three times. It has to be loud. Then breathe out with your mouth three times like a boxer, this time with your mouth. “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh”. Try it now. Right now. And if that doesn’t work, though I bet it will, try using you senses. Feel one item with your fingers, look at an object near you, taste the nearest food item, listen to a sound close to you and smell something near you. Even if it’s an old pair of dirty socks, lol. It’ll ground you and keep your mind occupied. Do it quickly, no thinking, no hesitation. You got this!",0.9977,positive,trusting 2078,depressed,Everything's just unfair,speaker,3,"Actually, this makes so much sense. Thank you",0.4144,positive,acknowledging 2078,depressed,Everything's just unfair,listener_1,4,You’re very welcome!,0.5551,positive,wishing 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,speaker,1,"I know it sounds dumb but imagine working in a physically demanding job (medical field) and you are constantly trying to make everybody happy and offer your assistance when it’s busy. You’re always the last one out the door because your job duty is to ensure that your co-workers are caught up. Not only are you everybody’s assistant, but you’re also the person in charge of cleaning up the place. You love your job, you love your co-workers, but you’re starting to feel like they’re just treating you like a servant and not acknowledging you waiting hand and foot to help them. Nobody knows that you’ve wound up staying 2 hours past close because you spent the whole day catering to everyone else and you are kind enough to stay extra late after a 10 hour shift so that the opening employee doesn’t have to deal with a mess the next day. You do little things here and there to make their life easier and they don’t even see it. Now imagine this— Every month, your job holds a team meeting and they read off individual “kudo” cards that the staff writes to one another. There’s a whole stack and not one person wrote one for you. Again. You sink into your chair, and you begin to wonder why you even bother. It seems like a mass e-mail is always being sent out to praise a specific person for doing something extra for the team. But when you come in on the weekend and notice your own coworkers didn’t clean up when you weren’t there so you take out the trash and put things away while you’re OFF THE CLOCK and they come in on Monday and say,”Hey! Who cleaned up after us when we all left for the weekend?” And you say,”I did when I stopped in to grab something from my desk and thought I’d tidy up a bit.”—nobody acknowledges you. Nobody sends out an e-mail showing appreciation for something you did but didn’t have to do—on your day off after work hours. It fucking sucks.",0.9937,positive,caring 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,listener_1,2,"To be fair, no one has to thank you for what you do. They just don’t. You’re making the choice to clean up and help and do extra but no one has to praise you for anything. It does suck but it’s the way things are sometimes.",0.4118,positive,neutral 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,speaker,3,Which is why I don’t complain or vent about this to anybody at work or anybody in my life at all. Some people just need an outlet. This is my outlet.,-0.3612,negative,content 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,speaker,4,Ok.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,listener_1,5,"Even though I’m not there, I appreciate what you do and I’m sure others do too. Keep working hard and fingers crossed it’ll pay off",-0.1921,negative,encouraging 2079,depressed,When you’re the only employee who doesn’t receive “kudos” at the team meeting,speaker,6,Thank you for your encouraging words ❤️,0.7096,positive,grateful 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,1,Dropped about 30 feet before getting caught in the trees. Car is totalled. Lost my new glasses. Now I have no way to work and no one to help. I'm out of a car. I'm out of a job. It's a five hour walk to anything. I'm fucked. I'm completely fucked. My life is fucked.,-0.9552,negative,devastated 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_1,2,"What about a place to live, food, water, innernetz?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,3,Won't have that much longer,0.0,neutral,sad 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_1,4,How are your survival instincts?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,5,Okay I'd reckon. I'm making arrangements to hit the road like a hobo.,0.5267,positive,prepared 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_1,6,Basic survival should be good enough as a way of life...it's hard though because many of us are taught to want too much.,0.4215,positive,neutral 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,7,All I need is some food and a flat place to sleep.,0.0,neutral,content 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,8,Liability. Not even gonna report it. Just gonna drop my policy.,-0.4404,negative,devastated 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_2,9,"Still might be worth it to try. Future payments may go up, but you will at least collect something, or have a chance of that.",0.4497,positive,suggesting 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,10,Liability doesn't pay out for damage to your own car. And I mean why keep paying on something I can't drive?,-0.5725,negative,angry 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_3,11,"You can maybe sell it for scrap or parts or something, get a little money out of it",0.0,neutral,suggesting 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,12,That's the plan,0.0,neutral,faithful 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,listener_2,13,"Ye, thats the smarter plan. If ya dont have a place to stay after, I really recommend investing in a styrofoam sleeping pad and a sleeping pad. If nothing else get those two.",0.6997,positive,agreeing 2080,depressed,My car slid off a small ciff today.,speaker,14,Check and check. This has always been plan B. Ive had a bag ready to roll for about ten years. Just have to make sure the rest of my dog's life will be happy before I set out.,0.8176,positive,prepared 2081,depressed,No Friends at 29,speaker,1,"I'm sure I'm not the only one on here that has posted something like this but maybe I can get some advice or similar stories to help relate to. Some background. I'm 29 years old (male) and work as a 3rd shift supervisor. I'm a night owl so 3rd shift doesn't bother me. I'm married with one kid and a second on the way. I have never felt so lonely in my life before. I tried telling my wife that I go in and out of these bouts of depression because I have no friends so when she's working and my kid is at school I have no one around. She says I need to try and talk to my old friends from college. She doesn't know it but I've tried. I got a reply a few times from some people but nothing ever ongoing. It always just feels fake and impersonal. I sit at a desk all night long for my job and only interact with the other employees when something is wrong and they need help. There's a few people around my neighborhood that I'm friendly with because of my kid but I'd hardly consider them true friends. Counseling is too expensive and I can't change jobs because like I said, we have another on the way. I don't know what to do and it's crushing me. I'm not sure what I'm trying to get out of this but I wanted to post something. I guess any advice on what I could do, or sites/communities I could try out if you know of anything. Starting to tear up now and I can't let the people at work see me crying so that's all for now.",-0.7527,negative,lonely 2081,depressed,No Friends at 29,listener_1,2,"Damn, that's rough. But you know what? There is always a way. And you only need to find that one way that works for you. And to find that one way, you might need to try many things. A good start will be joining online groups or communities in your town or city related to hobbies and things you like doing. You may meet people who are like-minded there. Be open to conversations and try to find open, kind and fun people everywhere you go. This can be your shopkeeper, local grocer, Baker, laundry people or something. Facebook or Reddit is a good place to find groups of people who like something that you do as well - like cycling, gardening, painting, reading or gaming. Try to only think about positive things when you first venture out into the world, and don't think about your past or present and how lonely you are. Don't worry, everyone goes through this. You only need to try harder, but also smarter.",0.9899,positive,suggesting 2081,depressed,No Friends at 29,listener_2,3,"I agree with the try to find a community/ volunteer/ hobby group. They are really worthwhile... even when only online. My friends on an online forum have really saved me before. They give me joy, support, a shoulder to cry on, and just company. Another human being who trudges through life with me. Another thing is, you don’t have to “try harder, and smarter” as u/martianandamon said. You just need to try. Know that all friendships start out feeling fake. After all, it takes time to get to know people. And they are often stressful, and take time and energy to cultivate. This can be very hard when ya are already tired, depressed, and overburdened with other aspects of life. But for me it was worth it. I hope ive said something helpful. If not... well, at least know that someone cares about ya enough to try. XD",0.9713,positive,trusting 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,speaker,1,age doesn’t matter you arrive at a certain point and whether you like it or not you’re on your path of life the only way you can go is forward I can’t imagine a future where I don’t kill myself i hope i die before i’ll have to do it,-0.4588,negative,hopeful 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_1,2,I say this from the bottom of my heart. Please don't,0.7579,positive,sentimental 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_1,3,I know you're a stranger but just the thought of someone fighting depression giving in makes me so mad and cry,-0.9547,negative,angry 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_1,4,Sad*,-0.4767,negative,sad 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_1,5,"I believe depression sneaks up on you no matter how many times you think you over came it in life.... It's like that for me, it's the only life i know. It's always bumpy but fight through it. I think of all the things i want to do and see in this world, even though it may only give me glimpses of happiness and euphoria i believe all the troubles that i go through is worth it. It's only worthless if we let it. On a side note, i think people who have depressed even once in their life are the ones who should be fighting again it. We know what shit hell it is, if we don't try to make a change this cycle may never end. And it will affect the world in a really negative way. It doesn't have to be much, but be as empathetic as you can and make the world a better place for even one person around you. Also it's okay to contemplate and take momentary solace in suicidal thoughts, but it's stupid to go through it. I am not nearly qualified enough to say any of this, if i knew the answer to all the questions myself wouldn't have been the mild train wreck i am. It's ALWAYS a good idea to talk to an educated psychiatrist.",-0.9814,negative,hopeful 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,speaker,6,How ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_2,7,"How to change, how to contact ? Which part is that related to ?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,speaker,8,How are you going to help me ?,0.4019,positive,questioning 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_2,9,"By listening to you and giving you exercises, advice and knowledge that will help you make small steps forward and eventually help you heal in a few weeks. I haven't completely designed the program to the T as I am still in the research part, that is why I am currently offering it for free to a few individuals. I had gone through very hard periods myself and doing everything alone took me 6 years to heal because I had to find and test everything. Now I'm trying to replicate this in weeks with other people.",0.813,positive,trusting 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,speaker,10,i love your confidence lol let’s see how long it’ll take u to ghost me,0.8402,positive,encouraging 2082,depressed,There’s no way to change now,listener_2,11,"Lol, this is something that I plan to do professionally, ghosting you would mean I wouldn't get anywhere either.",0.4215,positive,agreeing 2083,depressed,Watching time go by,speaker,1,"Hi r/depressed, this is my first time posting and I was hoping you could give me some ideas on what to do. I’m 18y student and I just finished my a-levels, suffered a lot of stress and trauma as a child and have ended up with quite a band of issues but the one I feel so lost with is what to do with myself when I’m depressed. I’m lonely but I don’t want to talk to anyone. I’m tired but sleeping is too much effort. I’ve tried playing video games to distract me but they only really work for a matter of minutes. I just don’t know what to do to get out of this pit, I struggle to even talk to my best friend about it because even though I know they wouldn’t mind at all I feel like I’m a burden and that it’s not fair on them to have to listen to my issues. I’m hoping someone has any other ideas because I’ve got no idea anymore.",-0.9105,negative,lonely 2083,depressed,Watching time go by,listener_1,2,Have you ever been in the care of a mental health professional?,0.4939,positive,questioning 2083,depressed,Watching time go by,speaker,3,"I’ve had some therapy sessions with a counsellor in school but my home life means I can’t get funding for my parents and I don’t earn enough to afford it myself, most likely going to have to go through the NHS or something along that line. Have explored a few options.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2083,depressed,Watching time go by,listener_1,4,"Passing your A-levels means you are going to university? Sounds like you want to get healthy, but remember that even a baseline of health is pretty good in itself, and that means we don't have to 'reach for the stars'. You are legally an adult, and no one can pressure you into living a life you don't want. It took me 20 years to figure that out but it's really liberating.",0.7548,positive,trusting 2084,depressed,A series of unfortunate events.,speaker,1,"It's been a crazy year so far. I (25/M) was doing well for myself in the beginning up until March 1st. That is the day I over dosed on pills. Then spent the next two months in jail. Now I really hit rock bottom again. Next, my parents got evicted. My girlfriend lease is up in two days. She is planning on staying with her mom. My parents haven't found a place to stay. Money is super tight at the moment. Then, my father looses his job. In mini middle of all this, it couldn't get any worse right? Well, my mother decides she wants to take a break with my father. Which torn my heart because this is the third time I've been through this. I feel sorry for my younger brother and sister. I want to cry but I just cant. I have no idea what to do. I really, really, really do not want to be here right now. So, we're bouncing from motel to motel and all I can do is just keep packing my belongings and see what happens. Give me a break, I've been out of jail a little more than a month. I'm really struggling right now. Now my parents are staying with my cousin and I'm just bouncing around. I visited my so called friend from high school. We caught up, I showed him my lyrics/rhymes he wanted to go this Hip-Hop open mic event tomorrow night. But honestly, I was too nervous and I dont think I could handle it right now. He calls me a pussy, bitch etc. I guess he really wasnt my friend. It just hurt the most that I thought he was my homie. I guess not. Sorry for bouncing around from topic to topic but my mind is scattered and I gotta get this off my chest. A few days ago. I went to the hospital and set up an appointment to talk to a therapist. I get to see him this coming Monday. If you're reading this, thank you. It feels good for someone to take the time and read what I am experiencing right now. I dont know you. You dont know me. But I love you and I really hope no one experiences this. Much love.",0.9427,positive,devastated 2084,depressed,A series of unfortunate events.,listener_1,2,"Dude you’re going through so much right now. I know it can feel beyond overwhelming...and there’s no magic bullet that’ll solve everything. One breath at a time, one step a time.",-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2084,depressed,A series of unfortunate events.,speaker,3,Thank you soo much. I feel like I am going crazy.,0.3818,positive,sympathizing 2084,depressed,A series of unfortunate events.,speaker,4,"Thank you, it's a struggle and very difficult to stay positive.",0.2516,positive,wishing 2084,depressed,A series of unfortunate events.,speaker,5,"Thank you, it's been so overwhelming that I haven't even thought of focusing on one thing. I needed to hear this. Thank you.",0.657,positive,grateful 2085,depressed,One Month Update,speaker,1,"I'm disappointed. Both in myself and in those around me. In the one month since my last post, I haven't managed to dig myself out of my situation. Still lonely, still nothing to do. I've got nothing to live for, but it isn't like I've got anything to die for either. I'm simply stuck reliving my days of monotony over and over. &#x200B; Working out? Been doing it nearly every day, and seeing results. But it doesn't do anything for me. Take a vacation and see the world? Took a week to do that, came back even more depressed than I initially started out as. Meet new people? I've tried, but everyone I try to talk to either ignores me, stops replying, or acts like an awful person in general. I never know what I do wrong, and I don't know where to go from here. &#x200B; And you know what advice I get from people? ""Stop worrying, just love yourself"", ""People will see the good in you and you will be better off"", and ""Don't care what others think, just do you and you'll find your crowd"". Do you know what you're doing by giving such tired responses? You see someone asking for help digging out of a hole, and all you have to say is ""good luck, you can do it"". No advice on HOW to get out of depression, no steps to solving a problem, just generic ""hope you feel better k cool bye"" advice. Even my own friends have tossed this at me, instead of trying to speak heart-to-heart with me on issues I'm having. &#x200B; So again, I ask: How do I dig myself out of this hole I've gotten myself into? My life is empty, and I've got nothing to fill it. I've tried meeting people, picking up hobbies, travelling, etc. but have only felt more depressed after doing so. At this point, it seems like everything I do is just empty gestures, walking in circles and getting nowhere. And every circle I walk marks a new level of hate I have for myself.",-0.9647,negative,disappointed 2085,depressed,One Month Update,listener_1,2,"I eat, sleep, and chill...do necessary errands. It's a good life.",0.4404,positive,content 2085,depressed,One Month Update,speaker,3,That doesn't sound like the kind of life I want to lead,-0.2047,negative,acknowledging 2085,depressed,One Month Update,listener_1,4,Understood. I think it's constructive to accept the life you have or else you won't have anything to build from.,0.3818,positive,content 2086,depressed,i wish i could leave i wish i wasnt scared,speaker,1,"I just searched up how many paracetamol and ibuprofen tablets it could take to end my life and i ended up here on reddit, here goes nothing. I am so deeply sad and depressed right now. I literally feel like i am a worthless person and nothing i do is worth anything to anyone. My existence feels useless and meaningless to people. There are so many people i love and care about but I feel like dont even begin to care and love me that much, if at all. I feel so alone and I dont know to unfeel this. i've been dealing with these issues since I was about 15-16, but have only recently started therapy and medication. While its going good, I have reached the maximum free sessions my country gives us (i realise free mental healthcare is a blessing and i dont mean to sound ungrateful i hope it doesnt come off that way) so now im on a waiting list for further care and its taking a while to get that help. It sucks because when i started therapy I felt like i belonged for once and I felt heard and cared for and now that I cant access that service and have to wait for this next service to make time for me I just feel like im slipping back into my old self. I feel so ready to just not exist, except i think im such a bad person that if i did die i would just go straight to hell anyway and how much better could hell really be than where i am right now? the people in my life seem temporary and i dont feel like i am significant person to anyone while those same people mean literally the world to me... how pathetic right? its sad and lonely in my mind and honestly im sick of it i just wish i could stop feeling this way i wish i could be a productive human being, focus on uni, focus on my goals and dreams, but i cant because I just feel like im destined to not to amount to anything. I feel so selfish writing this. Like, what do I want to achieve? Someone to tell me that its not true? That makes me feel even more pathetic. I try to tell myself i dont want attention and pity but what if deep down thats what im craving? i feel sick even thinking about that. i wish i wasnt like this. I literally hate myself so much i dont blame people for not liking me, but i guess i just cant stop wishing for that love i crave so bad",0.3304,positive,sad 2086,depressed,i wish i could leave i wish i wasnt scared,listener_1,2,"I’m recovering from depression and stress and for a period, I felt like you. Falling back into depression. But then my therapist (also one provided for free) told me that that don’t just happen. It’s your body, mind and soul adjusting to cope with the fact that life can’t be all bad or all good. The great thing about this is that eventually, it will always go back to the middle. When you started therapy, you were on the top of the wave, riding high. But what goes up must come down, so you feel worthless when the wave dives. It’s perfectly normal. Luckily, no matter how much you think it will, the water will never drag you down in the dark deeps like when you got depressed. Instead it will help you float until the next wave. Shortly put, you’re just recovering. It takes time and it sucks but in the end it’ll help you cope with life’s ups and downs better than if you just snapped your fingers and stopped being depressed. You’ll always return to a safe spot. You just have to trust yourself. I don’t now who many mg. you’re on medication wise, but I for once am on the lowest dosis of mood stabilizers and have been thinking for a while to up it a bit. Maybe that’s a possibility for you too? Just remember to consult with your doctor first. And if you’re feeling suicidal, please go to your local psyciatric hospital. Since you have free health care, they’ll be happy to admit you and help you through this. You got this!",0.9923,positive,grateful 2086,depressed,i wish i could leave i wish i wasnt scared,speaker,3,thank you for your reply. it means alot. <3,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2086,depressed,i wish i could leave i wish i wasnt scared,speaker,4,i really appreciate this thank you so much <3,0.735,positive,acknowledging 2086,depressed,i wish i could leave i wish i wasnt scared,listener_1,5,You’re very welcome. Don’t ever be ashamed to talk to someone or reach out for help. That’s the only way depression stops being taboo.,-0.3197,negative,questioning 2087,depressed,Im just tired,speaker,1,"Tonight i decided to shut out my friends. i sent a photo to my group chat and i was crying and i said i was done. Im pretty sure the 2 most important people in my life hate me right now. I was talking to my best friend and he was at school as his school finishes 1 week after mine does. On snapchat he sent a photo of his mate and i replied back with a normal picture. My best friend then replied to that picture with one that said his mate called me low-key hot. Now tonight we were on face time and he said that his mate was being a dick about me so i asked how and what he said. My best friend was very reluctant to tell me what he said as i would get hurt but eventually he gave in and told me. His mate said i was ugly and something. The only reason this hurt so much is because it is true. i pretended like i was okay though as i didn't want him to worry about me. After that, my other best friend and him got into a buff and i was just really broken for that hour. For some reason i decided to over react as usual and i just turned off my phone and went away. I always feel as if i am bothering some one when discussing my feelings and i always feel as if i have over reacted and regret it the next day. Im just so tired of feeling anything and i just feel like crying in my bed all night. I know that no one probably read that and if you attempted to you most likely did not understand it. But thankyou for trying.",-0.7040000000000001,negative,ashamed 2087,depressed,Im just tired,listener_1,2,"I feel you. Tired. Exhausted. Too tired to carry on adulting. Too tired of being so fucking sensitive to every darn thing. So responsive, volatile and vulnerable every fucking moment. Like an open ended wound, ready to be hurt all the time. Please take care. Try doing things that make you feel better. Art. Music. Whatever it is that you like. Something that you can enjoy doing alone. Talk to the trusted few. Breathe, take a walk. A warm shower or a pet friend helps. Try and be kinder to your self. I and a lot of others are always here to listen. Take care.",0.9653,positive,trusting 2087,depressed,Im just tired,speaker,3,thankyou <3 really helped,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2088,depressed,When does this feeling end?,speaker,1,"When does the feeling of utter emptiness end? Is there some magical cure one can take to get rid of this feeling and actually get back that excitedness for trying something new or doing something that I enjoyed doing previously? I am just so tired of drifting through my day to day life while feeling like a empty husk of what I used to be. I used to enjoy my work, or riding my bike, or playing some games online with strangers, but even these things bring me 0 joy anymore. I tried picking up a hobby like woodworking, yet this never panned out either. Do I just try random things till I find something that sticks?",0.9069,positive,lonely 2088,depressed,When does this feeling end?,listener_1,2,I can text you somethings that give me feelings of euphoria ! Just little things that make me feel things :) But that's only if you want me to.,0.6588,positive,joyful 2088,depressed,When does this feeling end?,listener_2,3,"Based on your post/comment history, are you referring to cutting? If so, please don't use this subreddit to influence others to self-harm.",0.2023,positive,questioning 2088,depressed,When does this feeling end?,speaker,4,Id welcome anything at this point. Thanks in advance,0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2088,depressed,When does this feeling end?,listener_1,5,Nono of course not! I'd never encourage another person to harm themselves ever.... I'm honestly quiet offended by this comment.,-0.1362,negative,agreeing 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",speaker,1,"Recently I’ve been in the worst depressive state I’ve ever been in. Though I have had depressive episodes in the past, they were always short lived. I also suffer from dysthymia. However I’ve noticed I’m not well and have mentioned it to family and friends. They don’t respond. They don’t check up on me. Am I really that selfish to want people to care? Even my own mother asked me if I was depressed and I told her I was. She stopped responding after that. The woman who I consider my backbone, someone who has dealt with the illness herself. I don’t know how I got here - a life where I have surrounded myself with people who don’t care. If I wasn’t depressed before (I most definitely was) I am now. It’s not too much to ask that people at least ask how you’re doing, from people who claim to love and care for you. I don’t know if anyone else is in the same boat. I feel as though everyone else has there own support system, even if it’s just one person. I had that, but we broke up recently and I’ve been left feeling empty and alone. TL;DC: I’ve surrounded myself with people who don’t care about me. How do I know this? After letting them know that I am depressed and unwell, they change the subject. Or simply don’t respond at all. I don’t know why I’m writing this. But I guess I wanted to send it out to people who may have the same issue as me.",-0.8406,negative,ashamed 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",listener_1,2,Hugs. I’m in the same boat. I’m about to start going to therapy so I can pay someone to pretend they care.,0.6527,positive,trusting 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",speaker,3,"That’s great! I currently can’t afford it, otherwise I would have started long ago. I hope it works out for you. And I hope someone comes along that truly cares about your well-being. It’s really shitty feeling both depressed and like nobody cares about you.",0.9346,positive,encouraging 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",listener_1,4,Assuming you are in the US....Do you have insurance or does your employer offer some sort of assistance?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",speaker,5,"I am in the US. I have terrible insurance and it doesn’t cover therapy. And as for my employer - it’s a family owned flower shop, they don’t offer anything like that sadly!",-0.5707,negative,disappointed 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",listener_1,6,Any therapists in your area offer a sliding scale based on income?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",speaker,7,I’m not sure. I will look into it. I am transferring to a new university in the fall and they offer many free (if you don’t consider tuition) health services like short term therapy. I’m sure they have resources to reference something affordable and long term. It’s just hard when I would like it sooner,0.8041,positive,apprehensive 2089,depressed,"It’s hard realizing that nobody actually cares about your mental well-being, they just pretend.",speaker,8,I call bullshit,-0.5859,negative,ashamed 2090,depressed,"I've felt like a servant to my family since I was a little kid, and during my last two years home, that's not what I need",speaker,1,"I'm laying here in the dark, crying, I guess just generally being pathetic. My mental state has gotten worse, and it's all thanks to my family. I've felt like a servant to them for so long. I've had to get up and get things my sister's can get, and even when I'm clearly trying to sleep, I have to get up and do things. It's my last two years at home before college. I don't wanna off myself but I just can't stay here with them treating me like this. I promised I'd live through highschool, and I don't wanna break that promise. I just don't wanna feel treated like a servant anymore. I wanna be free free from my family and right now Offing myself seems like the better choice. I just wanna have a choice. That's all. Just a small day, or hour, or even second of freedom to do what I want without having to force myself to walk just so I can be away from them. I wanna be respected like my sisters, but nobody respects me. They walk all over me because of my passive agressiveness. I don't want that. I wanna be heard once in a while. If offing myself is the way to be heard, maybe I should do it. After all, nobody ever cares about you until your dead.",0.9924,positive,ashamed 2090,depressed,"I've felt like a servant to my family since I was a little kid, and during my last two years home, that's not what I need",listener_1,2,"Please don't do it. Death isn't the way to go. If you can just wait 'til college you'll be free from them. If you really can't wait til college just run away to a friend's house for the time being. Death isn't worth it. It's not a good way to be heard. Sometimes people just have toxic family and that sucks, but death is not worth it. Don't do it please. If you need someone to talk please call an emergency help line: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1 800 273 8255 If this won't do you can message me and tell me what's going on. Please don't off yourself!!!",-0.9221,negative,questioning 2090,depressed,"I've felt like a servant to my family since I was a little kid, and during my last two years home, that's not what I need",speaker,3,Thanks man. This really helps,0.6997,positive,acknowledging 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,speaker,1,Maybe if I'm in a coma my family will love me again. I don't know why they all hate me,0.128,positive,hopeful 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,listener_1,2,"You can't pick your family, but you can always pick your friends. Don't look for their validation, you need to value yourself first and upmost.",0.8047,positive,trusting 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,speaker,3,I can’t when there always putting me down,0.0,neutral,angry 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,listener_1,4,What do you mean you can't ? Can't what ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,speaker,5,I can’t value myself when their constantly putting me down,0.34,positive,angry 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,listener_1,6,"But that's what I said, fuck what they say, you don't need their validation. If a stranger you met on the street was bad mouthing you, would you care about what he has to say ?",-0.7351,negative,neutral 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,speaker,7,No,-0.29600000000000004,negative,afraid 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,listener_1,8,Good. Use that same thinking when it comes to your family. Ultimately you have to live with yourself not them and I can assure you that the reason they are putting you down is because of their own insecurities. Bet they are very judgemental when it comes to other people as well ?,0.5574,positive,questioning 2091,depressed,I'm looking up ways to put myself into a coma and nobody can stop me,speaker,9,Nope,0.0,neutral,devastated 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,1,Today I declared my love to a girl I have been attracted to for 3 years. Throughout the whole friendship I've been nothing but nice and caring to her. Always demonstrating how good I can be for her. There was always a flirtatious vibe between us but upon declaring my love everything changed. She took my declaration and made it seem like offended her. That she rejected me I can come to terms with but is my love really that worthless that I get treated harshly just for saying I think you're great and I want to be with you? I would think that our friendship would at least earn me some respect. Now we don't talk and I feel like I did something wrong. My life was already in disarray and I was trying to climb up my hole of depression. I took a leap of faith and it backfired. Now I'm falling once more deeper into the pit. All my friends which is like 2 just tell me to get over it or move on but that doesn't help. I don't want to exist. It's that simple for me.,0.9863,positive,caring 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,listener_1,2,Hmmm... I thought maybe she is thinking your friendship with her was solely so you can get close to her but then you said you two had a flirtatious vibe. Was that misread from your end? Have you talked to her about what happened or did she just immediately cut you off?,-0.4515,negative,suggesting 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,3,"Throughout the 3 years we went on a date then after the date she ignores me for a couple of months. By chance we see each other at a party and we hook up, the next day she ignores me again for many months. After a while we drift back to talking to each other but we never spoke of The things that happened between us. After a couple of months we start talking about being together in an official way. I ask her if that's something she'd like to do and she proceeds to ignore the question so out of frustration I stop talking to her. Once again we drift back into talking and things start to vibe between us again. So I put myself out there telling her all my feelings throughout the years and all I get back is basically a ""ok cool"" after that she said she just wants to be friends but that's it, she cut me off. I know it's long but honestly thanks for the reply. Means a lot.",0.7355,positive,trusting 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,listener_1,4,"Yeah, it sounds like she wasn't interested in being with you officially. She just wants you to be there for fun and games. It's clear from the start she didn't want anything serious by ignoring you and then hooking up just to ignore you again. I know it's hard but you are better of giving your love to someone who will appreciate you. Your love isn't worthless, she is just a tease and wants nothing more. You can't change someone like that",0.9734,positive,acknowledging 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,5,Yeah I get that and her being not interested in me is something I can't change. It's hard I know. I just wish she didn't make it seem like offended her by declaring my lover for her. It destroyed me. It continues to destroy me. I honestly just wish I could put this all behind me but as you said it's hard.,0.3651,positive,agreeing 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,6,"You're right, I appreciate your advice and I'll definitely have to move on and leave this in the past. It'll just be difficult for a while I suppose. But like you say, I should get out with the minimal damage right now then have to deal with worse damage down the road. Thanks",-0.7003,negative,agreeing 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,listener_2,7,No problem. I just hate seeing people going through shitty situations they don't have to be in. Hope everything works out for you!,-0.5321,negative,consoling 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,8,"Hadn't thought of it like that, I'm certainly better off moving on now that I know where I stand. Forcing something to happen will undoubtedly end up worse in the long run. I definitely should focus on improving myself for myself. I guess along the way I assumed that I had done everything I could to improve myself but now that I think of it, there is definitely room for improvement. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it and hope things go better for you as well.",0.9853,positive,agreeing 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,listener_3,9,"You, too, man. And if ever you need motivation advice, PM me. If people don’t want to know you....give them a reason to know you. 😉",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2092,depressed,I'm just a fool,speaker,10,Will do man! 👍,0.0,neutral,confident 2093,depressed,Lonley,speaker,1,"So my brothers moved back in and one of them had A girlfriend. And I forced myself to get to know her sense she was living in my house now. We had A lot in common and hung out talking and watching movies and I really count her as a friend. Just a few days ago my brother broke up with her. Once I saw the text in the car I broke down crying. When we got to the house I hugged her and I could hear the shakyness in her voice, talking about the break up. She move out today and I've been crying on and off trying not to think about my new friend gone. She said she left the rest of her band bracelets and that I can pick through them. And that means a lot to me because I probably won't see her for a long time. Obviously it's not just that that makes me sad there's other things too, a lot. But this is the cherry on top. I'm still crying. Its hurts me a lot because her voice was shaky and sad while my brothers was confident and happy. And that really hurts because even though he wanted her gone, I didn't.",-0.8966,negative,sentimental 2093,depressed,Lonley,listener_1,2,Don't let that brake up stop you two from being friends. It was your brothers relationship that ended not your friend ship,-0.1847,negative,neutral 2093,depressed,Lonley,speaker,3,Yeah. I still text her but it doesn't stop me from feeling so lonely.,-0.1729,negative,neutral 2094,depressed,I just want to give up,speaker,1,"Sorry for formatting/on mobile/dont post often enough to know how this stuff works. Everything is becoming too much. I should be at one of the happiest points in my life right now. I have a good job that I like doing and I'm getting married next year. But everything in the universe seems to be telling me that's a lie. I tried so hard to budget for this wedding so that we can save and move into an apartment beforehand(we're currently renting out a room in one of my coworker's houses), but now it looks like we wont be able to afford BOTH the wedding and the apartment without sacrificing every social aspect of our lives. I was ready to try and make that sacrifice, cause it will only be short term I thought, but my fiance refuses and would rather sacrifice the apartment until after paying off the wedding. It's a lose-lose situation right now. We either stay cooped up in this one bedroom for the next year(which I had been trying to get us to move out of for a year already and am already depressed living in) or we cant afford the wedding without putting ourselves into more debt or living like hermits for the next 2 years(also making me depressed) Nothing seems like it will have a positive outcome and I'm just...tired. Sorry for the wall of text, just didn't really know where to turn.",0.7266,positive,disappointed 2094,depressed,I just want to give up,listener_1,2,"I think you need to be honest with your fiance about your feelings. This isn't just stress or anxiety, which are serious in their own right but not necessarily life threatening. I would suggest also trying to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist about your feelings bc it might be more serious than you realize and you may need meds to level things out (assuming maybe you aren't already doing all this?) I didn't realize for the longest time I was depressed and needed meds. I'm on a very low dose and it has changed my life. I just got married myself and it was expensive ($30k) and stressful but turned out beautiful. I was lucky enough to have huge help from my parents. Otherwise I would have opted for something much cheaper. My brother got married a few years ago (since divorced) and regretted spending as much as they did on their wedding ($15k). He said afterwards they were in a very tough spot and it fueled his anxiety, stress, and major depression (he's also bipolar but that's a whole other issue in itself). He confided in me he didn't want to spend so much on the wedding but kept going along with it bc it made his fiance/now ex wife happy. He fully regrets how much they spent. I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling this way. Hopefully my rambling helps it's some way.",0.0257,neutral,apprehensive 2094,depressed,I just want to give up,speaker,3,"Thank you, it did help. I am not on any meds right now and am actually planning on seeing a therapist in 2 weeks regardless. Our wedding is 20k which is pretty cheap for our area but because we both have a heavy amount of debt(student loans and also a few credit card mistakes I made in college) the payments have been rough to get together. Our families are helping to the best of their ability but its gonna be tight no matter what we do. Hopefully talking to a professional will help me see this all in a more positive way.",0.983,positive,acknowledging 2094,depressed,I just want to give up,listener_1,4,"Hey that's really great. I'm glad you have already taken the right steps. $20k is still a lot, especially with already existing debt. Same for my husband and I.. we were just getting on top of our debt and then the wedding/honeymoon set us back again. Living in your own space as a couple and newly married is extremely important in my opinion. Again, sit down with your fiance and be completely honest about your feelings about it all. She may not understand fully how much all of this is affecting your mental health. You might want to wait until you've seen the therapist for a few sessions. If they are good they will help give your thoughts and feelings clarity so you can articulate a little better to your fiance. Best of luck.",0.9809,positive,acknowledging 2095,depressed,Suicide confession,speaker,1,"I just need to get this off my chest but can't tell anyone I know. So my life turned to shit within two days two months ago. To be fair I knew work wasn't great but my relationship break up was completely out of the blue. I've just not copped at all. And there was a night where I honestly wanted to kill myself. I had a suicide plan, I messaged my ex a kinda suicide note and all that. And I would have done it. The only thing that stopped me was that I passed out drunk. And it really scares me how close I came and how close I still am. This is something I can never tell anyone and but it hurts so much to deal with, I just need someone somewhere to know.",-0.99,negative,ashamed 2095,depressed,Suicide confession,listener_1,2,GET SOME HELP. [https://www.youtube.com/results?search\_query=jocko+suicidal+thoughts](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=jocko+suicidal+thoughts),0.5849,positive,afraid 2095,depressed,Suicide confession,listener_2,3,"Seconded. I havent been to a therapist but i have heard many times that they really do help. I can't say much on the situation as i have had similar plans myself. Like everything was ready. The plan was like once you do it, there is no going back like drowning myself. But that feeling only lasted a week so i really cant say much. But stay strong.",0.9655,positive,prepared 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,speaker,1,I feel alone. No one around me listens to anything I say. It hurts to know that my parents heard my cry for help and just completely ignored me.,-0.8516,negative,lonely 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,listener_1,2,"I'm here. I will listen. I really do care aboit you, and i want to help. Please, believe me. I will do anything.",0.8307,positive,caring 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,speaker,3,Why do you care?,0.4939,positive,questioning 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,listener_1,4,"Why should i not? You need help, and i want to give it to you, please.",0.08800000000000001,positive,questioning 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,listener_2,5,Please be sure you have something to offer 1st.,0.5574,positive,questioning 2096,depressed,I’m done with people,listener_1,6,"Don't worry, i'm just giving him the chance to talk it out first, then i'll do what i can. I'm offering my time to help him.",0.8179,positive,agreeing 2097,depressed,It's been a while..,speaker,1,"Havent posted here in a long time. I cant say I've missed it. Sometimes I go so long without feeling a depressive episode that I forget that I can still have them. Today was a perfectly fine day. Typically youd think that if nothing happened then nothing could trigger it. But here i am sitting at a diner at 11:30 at night eating by myself because I'm trying to run from the sadness. Frankly, I'm not hungry. I only eat because I know I should, hunger isn't a feeling for me when I'm like this. And it's not like I dont try to avoid this shit, I went out and was invited to a dinner party with a friend of mine, her friends and her roommates. I felt so uncomfortable that I left before the friends even got there. I typically use CBD to help fight my depressive episodes but my current job will fire me for cbd, CBD OF ALL THINGS. I just want the pain to end. I dont wanna be alone.",-0.6409,negative,lonely 2097,depressed,It's been a while..,listener_1,2,CBD should be a legal otc supplement right? What state doesn’t allow that?,0.4137,positive,questioning 2097,depressed,It's been a while..,speaker,3,"I live in Ohio, they have a right to refuse cbd because it's derived from cannabis. My job said they MIGHT allow it if I got a doctor's note",-0.0772,negative,hopeful 2098,depressed,Does progressive depression lead to failures?,speaker,1,"Hey, so I know this sounds like a ""fake"" depression question. Although, I used to have depression 5-6 years ago and until last year, I stopped wanting to kill myself. So I'm taking classes, trying to get my life together and yet I feel like I'm not doing well enough. This isn't necessarily because I feel this way, but it's also because I see it happening. I'm a really aware person and know what I see in an error it's just that sometimes I'm not sure why it happens. While I take anything that involves anxiety like a test, I end up becoming really nervous and I'm prone to more mistakes. I also become prone to mistakes when I forget how to do something. I'm not sure why, but I'm naturally forgetful. It could be my environment, but somehow I feel that I survived through worst circumstances and I've been more focused and working harder. I feel like I'm plummeting myself down. Is it because I ignore my emotions or almost anything negative? What am I doing wrong? I don't want to fall back in depression, but I'm so close to doing so because how shit and negative so much in my life has been thrown at me.",-0.9947,negative,agreeing 2098,depressed,Does progressive depression lead to failures?,listener_1,2,"What do you mean by progressive depression ? To me, seems like there's no doubt depression can be an obstacle in life. It can get in the way of work, school, relationships, etc. For some people it ruins just one of those things, for others it affects multiple aspects of their life. To answer your question of what you're doing ""wrong"" honestly it's not something you may be doing to cause you to feel that way. There are people that exercise, go to therapy, take medication, and **still** end up depressed. &#x200B; Despite all of that it's not hopeless and if you got out once remind yourself you can do it again. : )",-0.5286,negative,questioning 2098,depressed,Does progressive depression lead to failures?,speaker,3,"Even if I do whatever I think I can improve in my life, I still am doing it wrong and it's ruining my life. At this point, I'm falling onto hopelessness and have felt hopeless a number of times. The only reason I never stopped is because I believe I'm probably high-maintenance, maybe because the way I was raised or taking a social studies class. I never wanted to fall under the bottom of the social pyramid and it sucks, because somehow I felt like I was supposed to be stuck there, when I'm fighting it no matter what. If I were to speak in a metaphor, I'd be drowning in an endless wave trying hard to reach the surface.",-0.9154,negative,disappointed 2099,depressed,"Why is it that when I can't handle something, I'm immediately seen as weak?",speaker,1,"This year has been one of the most stressful for me and nobody seems to care. When I tried to tell my dad about being stressed over finals and working 5 days a week (while also working a second job during weekends from dusk till dawn) and also having recently broken up with my ex all he told me was that it's nothing. That I dont know what real stress is like because I dont have Bills to pay and because my ex and I weren't married like he and my mom were. Now its summer and I had a meltdown earlier this week because I was working from as early as 11am until 10:30 PM almost every single day. I only have one day off and I also have to keep track of my sister who works with me but, at times, in different locations. I dont have time to spend with my family much less work on my summer assignments. And again when I complained all they told me was that I was stressed out and exhausted. It's as if no one believes I can handle much any more. As if I'm just a bomb that they have to baby so that nothing sets it off. Tl;dr: Everyone acts as if I just cant handle stress or as if I dont know what real stress is like.",-0.9601,negative,annoyed 2099,depressed,"Why is it that when I can't handle something, I'm immediately seen as weak?",listener_1,2,"I think that your biggest mistake here is searching for appreciation in wrong people. To me it's clear that your father will never support you ( despite the fact he probably claims that ), so you should try to be your own hero so to say. Trust me, you are not a weak person, working that much time a week, with virtualy no time to rest is bound to break and burn you. What you are experiencing is normal, and to be honest, i think you are handling it quite well, so props to you on that. Imo, you should try to stick around people that actually care about you, and most importantly, keep you head held high, you got nothing to be ashamed of. Also, how are your relationships with the other members of your family, such as your sister?",0.9615,positive,trusting 2099,depressed,"Why is it that when I can't handle something, I'm immediately seen as weak?",speaker,3,My cousins and I stay on our own paths eventhough we live in the same house. My sister and I talk but she can get annoying sometimes,-0.5499,negative,annoyed 2099,depressed,"Why is it that when I can't handle something, I'm immediately seen as weak?",listener_1,4,"Unfortunately my point stays. Be your own hero. If you feel like talking to someone, start a diary, or feel free to DM me, i'm willing to listen to you when you feel down.",0.7906,positive,agreeing 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,1,"A while back my parents wanted me to get a summer job, which seemed like a nightmare to me because I was gonna be a store clerk, which means talking to people 8 hours a day. It's really starting to take its toll on me. I'm having more frequent panic attacks, mental breakdowns and all of that good stuff. I don't want to stop working though because I really need the money I get, but more importantly I don't want to be called a failure again. It's alot harder than anticipated. I really need someone to talk to.",-0.4081,negative,apprehensive 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_1,2,"It's only normal for you to feel like that, let's be honest, it's a new place and a huge step out of your comfort place. It's good that you are motivated and that you want to keep working at that place, but it's not going to be possible, unless you change the way you approach the current task. Your current view of the situation is really anxious. You see the workplace as hostile enviroment ( please correct me if i'm wrong ) and you approach it in a not so optimistic way. While working 8 hours a day is deffinetly not fun, it's a new experience and it helps you get in contact with people, and nowdays being able to connect with other living beings is a very important asset. On another note, you are not a failure because you don't like this job. Maybe it's not the meant for you and you are capable of much more. Use this motivation to learn and get the job of your dreams. To summarize it all up, try to make your workplace, if possible, feel more like home, try to relax, practice meditation, maybe go for runs, walks or whatever floats your boat, and approach it with an optimistic attitude. If there is something else i can help you with, or if this was at all helpful to you, let me know.",0.9867,positive,apprehensive 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_2,3,I havent found a job because of the reason being i dont wanna work at a place that makes it a chore. I wanna work at a place where i feel happy or where my passion is. I want to do a computing job but i dont have enough skills or talent to even apply for one. My parents are bugging me about getting a job and my mom even tells me to start my own business. I am only 17 years old who goes to college (UK) and is trying to get by in his grades. I feel like i have done something wrong. I just dont know it.,0.743,positive,ashamed 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,4,"Thanks for that :), also you did help! And yeah I do see it as a hostile environment, every mistake I make I beat myself up for it, and I have no other choice but to work here, not everyone's accepting 17 yo kids with no experience.",-0.6776,negative,agreeing 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_1,5,"That perfectionism is really unhealthy, and you have to fix it :). The only people that never do mistakes ar those that do nothing their whole life.",-0.0729,negative,neutral 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,6,"You know, I have some perfectionist people in my life, and honestly I feel like it's not that, when they don't do something perfectly, they get annoyed, when I don't I keep blaming myself.",0.5661,positive,angry 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_1,7,"You should lay back, relax and analyze the situation to pin point the exact problem that makes you "" fail "". More often than not you will find out it's nothing major and that you can easily fix it :).",-0.2263,negative,hopeful 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,8,Hasn't worked out really :/,-0.4005,negative,disappointed 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,9,"I wish I could, but I'm pretty much working minimal hours already.",0.7311,positive,ashamed 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_3,10,Is it possible for you to find a less demanding job as you work?,-0.1548,negative,questioning 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,11,"I tried asking everywhere, no one was looking for applications, so I was forced to work with my dad",-0.6666,negative,lonely 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_3,12,"Might be a good idea to look into counseling to help you cope with the job. Your symptoms sound pretty serious. If you are a minor it will be hard to find a job, but if you graduated high school and are above 18, I'd look online instead of asking around. I didn't get my first job until I was 19 so I know that it's hard to find a job when you're a minor :/",-0.0387,neutral,suggesting 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,13,"Oh I was forced into working, and I'm 17. I'll talk to my therapist about it.",-0.4588,negative,apprehensive 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_3,14,Good luck! Your therapist will probably know how to explain it to your parents. And not being able to work doesn't make you a failure! Might work to get shorter shifts so you have time to relax etc after work vs working a full 8 hour shift every few days a week. Just a thought : ),0.7256,positive,wishing 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,15,"Yeah now it's 8 hours 7 days a week, with 1 off day per week (I decide when I need it). Also I used to bike for 10km daily to get there, which killed any energy I had left. And I hope my therapist does explain it to them.",0.1779,positive,anxious 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_3,16,My good friend you are being overworked hard. That's a rough schedule not many people have the energy to do.,0.7783,positive,acknowledging 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",speaker,17,I guess I am? It's my first job so I didn't know what to expect (I'm getting paid 500$/month),0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_1,18,"Unfortunately there aren't many jobs you can get at the age of 17, that can also give you some sentiment of pleasure. Try to see if you can get a job at your parents' workplace. As for a job involving computers, don't panick, plenty of oportunities. You just have to practice ( if we are talking about coding ). On a side note. You shouldn't be harsh on yourself and feel like you are doing anything wrong. It's just the start of a long journey, relax, take it slow and most importantly think about yourself. Don't overstress or overwork yourself because you will get burnt, and that is pretty bad and counter intuitive.",0.8073,positive,disappointed 2100,depressed,"I've started working, it's harder than I thought",listener_2,19,Thanks.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2101,depressed,I dont know what I want,speaker,1,"I made a reddit account just to say some stuff that I would never say in person, im just gonna write what i have been thinking sorry about my grammar. &#x200B; So i have been depressed for a while now its hard to pinpoint exactly when but I'd probably say early into high school, since there have been good weeks, but it has mostly been a struggle to motivate myself to function. Im almost 20 now and yet i have never dated anyone, and its hard to keep trying I put in so much effort just to be ""that guy"", the one that everyone else is indifferent too, like if i wasn't there everything would play out the same and everyone knows that. I have a great family and lots of friends but it doesn't matter I always feel this void in me like i'm missing something. I used to think if i could just get a girlfriend i would feel better, you know just another person who valued me above anyone else. But now i'm thinking that probably wouldn't help it would just be dragging another person into my stupid issues. And even if it did whats the difference no one would date me anyways. And then i think whats the damn difference my issues are small other people go through way worse. I just wish that I wasn't this way, I should be happy, i have so much more than most other people yet i'm so jealous of others and their relationships. I think it all boils down to i'm missing something in my life, and while i think it's a relationship i don't know, all i do know is i really don't wanna be like i am now. I wish I was just numb to all of it.",0.757,positive,ashamed 2101,depressed,I dont know what I want,listener_1,2,"My advice would be to see your doctor, you can catch this before it gets worse (as untreated it will get worse.. your brain will adjust to cope with it and mask it making things so much worse when you crack one day apparently out of nowhere",-0.8617,negative,consoling 2101,depressed,I dont know what I want,listener_2,3,What do you mean by “crack one day” ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2101,depressed,I dont know what I want,listener_3,4,He probably means that he let out everything he had bottled up.,0.0,neutral,afraid 2102,depressed,It’s just not worth it,speaker,1,"Everything hurts all the time. I stopped feeling depressed during night it’s just all the time now. When I wake up, I lay in bed until I go to work. Then I come back. Put on the same gross clothes I’ve been wearing for 6 days. Then fixing up some stuff and laying back in my bed. I’m not good at anything. I can’t do anything right, and every joke I make is a cry for help. Because I really wish someone would care. I may be in a relationship with someone but, they’d rather be with someone else. I’m just a second choice. I get used and then left. And I have no friends. I really don’t have a purpose. I’m getting so close to just ending it all. And that scares me.",-0.8437,negative,ashamed 2103,depressed,"I’m so fucking empty inside. Every single day I wake up and wish I had got killed in my sleep, which it hasn’t atm. I fall asleep just thinking of how much I’m alone in this world and how killing myself would be better for everyone ik because I’m a hindrance to everyone ik. No one in my life gives a",speaker,1,Crap about me because no cares if I’m not around because they feel good and happy while I’m lonely as can be because I’m an outcast in this world what I mean by this is that I don’t feel like I’m a part of this shit world.,-0.4078,negative,lonely 2103,depressed,"I’m so fucking empty inside. Every single day I wake up and wish I had got killed in my sleep, which it hasn’t atm. I fall asleep just thinking of how much I’m alone in this world and how killing myself would be better for everyone ik because I’m a hindrance to everyone ik. No one in my life gives a",listener_1,2,"I feel you and i must say it really hurts and you have done well hanging on for so long , good job, but please just remember that even if some people take u for granted like that the only thing u can and should is ignore them ,ik iitss soo hard and it hurts cuz those people may be people u care about but please sometimes u have to choose your own way,just think about it for however long u need what would make u happy and work your butt of for it and even if it takes long to realise that plan just keep on holding on pls cuz this world is so fking big u dont even realise it there are so many places where u can find happiness its almost crazy but u have to travel to find it and u need to know where to look and what to look for and please remember that yes its ok to think like that but eventually u will come to realise your worth cuz u have one just like everyone else ,now idk who dafuq made u think otherwise but they are wrong af and please dont listen to them cuz u have every right to be happy and self aware that u are worth it and u really are. Ik it sucks to feel like that every day but sometimes u really have to make a change if u want things to be different and seek profesional help if y really need it there is no shame in it cuz yeah most people are uneducated about this sort of things and u should seek out some help if u can but please just try to do whatever helps u feel ok and please just work torwards a goal u set every single moth it doesnt matter how big or small.it is just set one and do it and please find things to cope with it like music ,films anime games anything just dont do drugs pls cuz those only make your hole bigger. Love you ,take care peace",0.998,positive,neutral 2103,depressed,"I’m so fucking empty inside. Every single day I wake up and wish I had got killed in my sleep, which it hasn’t atm. I fall asleep just thinking of how much I’m alone in this world and how killing myself would be better for everyone ik because I’m a hindrance to everyone ik. No one in my life gives a",speaker,3,Dude u can get through it believe me just live even if it’s fir a couple of weeks. Just try and find something to live for,0.0,neutral,consoling 2103,depressed,"I’m so fucking empty inside. Every single day I wake up and wish I had got killed in my sleep, which it hasn’t atm. I fall asleep just thinking of how much I’m alone in this world and how killing myself would be better for everyone ik because I’m a hindrance to everyone ik. No one in my life gives a",listener_2,4,"Very nice. I'm deaf in one ear, but I understand what you mean. Thanks for posting.",0.7092,positive,acknowledging 2104,depressed,A sense of comfort in the abyss,speaker,1,"So I'm not old enough to say I'm ok with how I've 'lived' my life cause for a vast majority of it I've lived for my parents approval yearning for their love. And now that I have it I don't think I want it, I didn't really feel empty and lonely until I was 15 and started giving girls the time of day I had a few crushes got abit sad and the occasional secret admirer. But when I was with my first girlfriend it was short only four days, but I learned something I was as kind and respectful to her; but she left me for a friend of mine it hurt more cause not only did I lose a girl I had interest in but my friend my older friend he was a grade ahead of me so I had him for one class P.E. and I wasn't exactly fit and he was his entire torso was popped out and toned as hell. I barely had a visible 4 pack and toned arms they weren't big just slim but they hit hard. I got side tracked and did an ongoing sentence well, I learned that no matter what anyone can do it's all up to the girl you can literally be the best mentally and emotionally but once they lose interest it's over your scarred. And I had no one to talk to about this no family or friends cause I had just the one friend and my family and I weren't good I mean I still am not really at a good place just my opinion. So I had to take on that heart break I knew the girl for a few years we were friends but drifted and I liked her alot so the emotional attachment made it hard to stay mad. I pushed myself to the limit and fractured my ankle making me unable to workout for awhile so I got even more sad and my family caught me crying once and they all just laughed at me. I got angry in that instance but if you knew my dad I used my angry to stop my tears and shake it off act like I wasn't just crying but poked my eye. Since then more girls came and went but the most recent one man she was the only one who was interested in me. I almost broke down on our first date last year in September when she said ""I love you"" as she hugged me because my own mother hasn't even told me that not once in my life nor was my mom ever affectionate to me so I've never felt that. I was almost going to burst into tears but she looked up at me and asked ""so do you love me?"" I answered and said ""yes I do and I'm sure of it"" I wanted to add to it with me saying even though its going to end bad I won't regret loving you but she's the sensitive and angry type she would have most likely say""dont even talk like that I swear you ruined the moment"" she recently left me on may this year she cheated on me btw and she got upset and lied to her mom about me because of it I'm literally the victim in this situation. To go back to the title of this post I've been thinking for a month I'll take my life a month or two after my 19th birthday or possibly a year or two after that's the latest I'll disappear before I do the act but I'm not going to lie I'm looking for someone to tell me not to do it because I have no one to tell this everyone I had has left me.",0.9224,positive,content 2104,depressed,A sense of comfort in the abyss,listener_1,2,"Don't you dare commit suicide, please don't. Just because everyone has left you, doesn't mean new people can't come. Please, really, please. Don't throw away your life. Wait for the opportunity to escape that hell hole of a family, and then run and don't look back. I really don't know if I can convince you, but I really hope I do. Take a walk, reflect, look at the little things in life. Not everyone is gone. Remember, you are a person too. Find yourself and fight back. Someone does care, and will most definitely stay. Who? Me. Please, If you ever need to talk don't hesitate to reach out. ""You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.""",0.9775,positive,hopeful 2104,depressed,A sense of comfort in the abyss,speaker,3,I've had years to reflect on this I appreciate it I really do so I think I'll take your offer up on talking since even friends I've known for years are always to busy to go out or even reply to me thank you again I went to sleep thinking no one would give this post the time of day,0.7269,positive,grateful 2104,depressed,A sense of comfort in the abyss,listener_1,4,"No worries. We might live in different time zones tho, but I'll still reply whenever you need to talk. That happens sometimes, they're awake I'm asleep 😅. Keep moving forward bud, when no one is there, be there for yourself.",0.2769,positive,neutral 2105,depressed,Can you get high off of excedrin?,speaker,1,"I take excedrin for back pain, head aches, cramps, and sometimes just for emotional pain because sometimes it makes me feel better but a couple times i’ve taken like 6-8 and i feel like i’m floating or like i’m gonna pass out. i’ve looked it up but all it tells me is i’m gonna die if i take that much whoops.",0.2144,positive,apprehensive 2105,depressed,Can you get high off of excedrin?,listener_1,2,"Nope, you cannot get high off it as its active ingredients are paracetamol, aspirin, and caffiene. You may get a slight buzz from the caffiene, but that's not what you're describing. Any ""high"" your getting is completely psychosomatic. All you're doing is destroying your stomach and liver",-0.6187,negative,agreeing 2105,depressed,Can you get high off of excedrin?,speaker,3,fantastic...,0.5574,positive,acknowledging 2106,depressed,An old friend,speaker,1,"I've know him for about 5 years we have been through alot together, he's seen me at my lowest of lows he practically has me figured out which is why I could never show how I really feel about where I am in life. But I was always waking up when he messaged me in the middle of the night and we often stayed up all night until he went to school the next day. If I can love again I'd like to say I love him like he's my own brother the one I never had. And it hurts that he's drifting away I messaged him a few minutes ago asking if he's busy this week so we could call on discord and maybe play a game like we used to alot months ago. But he's got his life and I shouldn't put this on him he's been through alot and because of me if he never knew me he wouldn't be heartbroken by a girl I helped him get because of me he's hurt and I can't help him I've tried but he shuts me out and I can't ask him for help because he or anyone I know shouldn't have to hear I want to end my life. They should enjoy their lives which is a big reason why i want to move somewhere far Canada maybe without telling them and then i can go without ruining their lives anymore",0.9766,positive,trusting 2106,depressed,An old friend,listener_1,2,"I am depressed myself so cant help much but all i can say at this point is Stay strong. I know that friends come and go. Even friends like him. I had learned that the hard way. I had 2 very close friends who i have lost over the course of 5 months. Every single time i tried to fix things up or communicate with them, they told me that they were either busy or just wouldn't reply back when i texted them. I wanyed to ask yhem if we were even friends but it was too late for that and i realised that they had moved on with their lives leaving me to rot and not care anymore as to what was going to happen to me. I tried to convince myself that i just had to push forward and move on with life but every single time i did that i remember all the good times we've had together when we had our free periods and free lessons. Even after college and school we would hang out and go visit places in the city. I tried to patch things up for 5 months to no end. I even tried to change myself to their liking to a point where i had an identity crisis. At some point i wanted to end my life and was ready to do it. I had everything ready. The whole plan was flawless. But i couldn't do it. My inner self told me to just move on. Its life and its harsh. Learn it while you still can before it kicks you in the back. As things currently stand i have no one i can really open up to and talk to and it really is frustrating as i have to keep everything inside me even in front of my parents. I fear that one day that it will all come bursting out. I'm sorry this has happened to you too. I would not have wished for this to happen to even the worst of my enemies. I dont want to this is a mean way but i am glad that this has happened to someone other than me because they understand what it feels like to be abandoned and be alone so i can at least relate to someone and talk to them about it. I'm sorry if i have hurt you in any way. I dont have enough strength left to lose another person, although a stranger.",-0.2813,negative,sad 2106,depressed,An old friend,speaker,3,It's a pain we both burden I can't speak for you behalf but I've never inflicted what I feel towards anyone not my friends even when they made a mistake I forgave them maybe we can be friends and I have an identity crisis everytime I look in the mirror so I understand and people do come and go but how long until we are wanted/needed I've waited most my life,-0.8373,negative,agreeing 2107,depressed,I’m stupid and a mess,speaker,1,I f*cked up a really good friendship with my good friend awhile back and I’m tormented with not only my depression but guilt. I’m stupid and did a lot of stupid shit to that person and I feel so guilty. I’ve been thinking of him recently and it’s been driving me crazy with guilt and fear. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been clean for 3 months but I think I might relapse because I can’t let out any of my emotions and my dog died 2 days ago which isn’t helping my inability to let out emotions. What do I do? Sorry I realized I kinda vented there,-0.9835,negative,guilty 2107,depressed,I’m stupid and a mess,listener_1,2,It’s okay to vent. You’re going through a lot!! Losing a friendship and a pet is so much to handle. I’m sorry by the way. Here to talk if you need to.,0.3578,positive,sympathizing 2107,depressed,I’m stupid and a mess,speaker,3,Thank you so much it means a lot.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2107,depressed,I’m stupid and a mess,speaker,4,Thank you. Sorry I haven’t really been on social media or online lately.,0.29600000000000004,positive,sympathizing 2108,depressed,"When someone tells you to be “more positive”, have you tried it and has it actually worked?",speaker,1,"In my situation, I basically act like I don’t have problems sometimes and it feels like it adds more fuel to fire and my problems and situations become worse. What about you? What has the situation like been for you?",-0.6154,negative,ashamed 2108,depressed,"When someone tells you to be “more positive”, have you tried it and has it actually worked?",listener_1,2,"If you can think more positively about a situation that’s great! One thing I tell myself that helps is “you cannot control a situation, but you can control how you respond to it.” Alternatively, In the past when someone told me to “be more positive” I felt worse because I was unable to think more positively. It felt like that person was telling me ”just be happy” like it was that simple. So I felt guilty for not being able to, and I also felt like I could not talk to that person anymore about how I was really feeling. I don’t think anyone can be more positive instantly. It takes work to change your mindset, and even therapy or medicine too in some cases.",0.9641,positive,hopeful 2108,depressed,"When someone tells you to be “more positive”, have you tried it and has it actually worked?",speaker,3,Would you say environmental factors contribute to it? Also personality and environmental adaptation?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2108,depressed,"When someone tells you to be “more positive”, have you tried it and has it actually worked?",listener_1,4,"Changing your environment could help. For me, sitting inside all day can bring my mood down, so I need to go outside at least once. If you are in a bad living situation, moving out can help if that’s an option. Some people take vacations to refresh themselves. I’ve heard that people who experience nature more are at less risk of depression. I also believe that they way you are raised can affect they way you perceive your environment. You might take after your parents, but I also think that is something you can change if you can recognize it I yourself",-0.2896,negative,hopeful 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,speaker,1," Last week I was there with my mother, then she asked me if we could talk, we went to a separate room and we had an awkward conversation. The thing is she knows my mother, my grandmother and my uncle. Also, I think it would be extra awkward if I said the things I did/do and we keep bumping on each other afterwards. She a psychologist btw, not just a religious lady.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,embarrassed 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,listener_1,2,What denomination does the church belong to?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,speaker,3,African-Brazilian,0.0,neutral,proud 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,listener_1,4,I am biased against any psychologist who also is employed by a church because their objectivity is corrupted by dogma. Do you think the psychologist will talk about your issues with your family?,-0.2732,negative,apprehensive 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,speaker,5,"Idk. Last week she asked me what I want to major in. when we left the room she saw a doctor and said: HEY, SHE SAID SHE'S TOO OLD FOR MED SCHOOL TELL HER HOW OLD YOU WERE WHEN YOU GRADUATED. It was nice and everything but she did tell him the things we were talking about privately",0.2144,positive,surprised 2109,depressed,Should I open up to the church's therapist?,listener_1,6,I would be concerned about that. It's better to work with someone who takes confidentiality seriously.,0.29600000000000004,positive,trusting 2110,depressed,I feel like absolut garbage,speaker,1,"Last year when I was in college a guy had dumped me, so I asked a a girl to come over and be emo with me for some time. But she invited another guy, who was my friend and he, for some reason, invited 2 colleagues + a guy I knew and wasn't very fond of. They bought some terrible vodka, then I tought ""okay, I'm already feeling like shit anyway, I will drink a bit"". I started to get tipsy, they started playing truth or dare, and I vaguely remember the guy I didn't like, B, filling my glass all the time with pure cheap vodka. And at some point he put it directly in my mouth. When I could barely speak, he said something about cigarettes, I was diyng for one, we went outside, and he started making out with me, I only remember flashes of it. Okay, I was getting sober, the others asked me to open the door, he looks at me and say: "" should I go?"" I said ""YES"" bitch stayed at my house, vomited in my bathroom kissed me afterwards and tried to cuddle me. I stayed sitted in the backyard the whole night. He woke up, said thanks for the night and finally left. The point of all of this is that I remember it all the time and it makes me feel so shitty, this was definitely rock bottom. And he probably didn't even feel attracted, I was just the only option. And on top of that my ""friends"" said that's why they don't hang out with me, cause I always have a resting bitch face. I'm sorry for this long ass text, I just wanted to know if anyone else remember stuff and start ugly crying",-0.94,negative,trusting 2110,depressed,I feel like absolut garbage,listener_1,2,"Bitch friends i gotta say. Sorry if that offended you but god damn those ""friends"" are just not worth your time.",0.0647,positive,sympathizing 2110,depressed,I feel like absolut garbage,speaker,3,"No, it doesn't offend me at all. Thank you for the kind words ❤",0.8998,positive,sympathizing 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,speaker,1,"I don't know why I'm like this. I have a job. A good job for me. But I always call in sick. I already tried to quit after i had an episode but I got it back because my uncle is my bosses boss. The thing is. I work construction. And sometimes I get exhausted. And sometimes at work it just triggers an anxiety attack. My boss told me ""I get it. I wanted to quit every day for the 1st 10 years"" I get no backlash when I call in. And I've had my good streaks (no calling in for 3 weeks) I'm just trying to figure out what I want to do in life because nothing interests me. But I feel good after going to work. But when I skip I feel like shit. Today is my birthday so I think he's kinda ok with me not coming in. But I can't lose this job. I've never been fired. My family is so disappointed in me because I don't know what I want to do. I'm just so tired. I don't know what to do or where to look..",-0.9123,negative,ashamed 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,listener_1,2,Do you like the crew you work with? Think about showing up for them.,0.3612,positive,caring 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,speaker,3,Everyone there has worked there for 10+ years. I'm just the new guy who works on his own. I don't do anything important or needed. So I think that's why it's not a big deal when I'm gone. When I'm there I work my ass off and get my job done.,-0.6239,negative,content 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,listener_1,4,Do you see any specific skills you can learn?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,speaker,5,Idk. I just dig holes and shit work. Which I get. I'm fine with it. I'm the new guy and all. But I just want to find something I like. I only took this job cuz it paid well and I thought I would learn stuff. I'm thinking about going into locksmithing. Maybe finding an apprenticeship in there?,0.6428,positive,content 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,listener_1,6,"If it's important to you that the ""family"" is satisfied, then yeah, do a trade apprenticeship. My family just gave up and seems to accept me as I am, but I also have little tolerance for their way of life and they know it.",0.7236,positive,annoyed 2111,depressed,Issues at my job,speaker,7,Ya I was doing that. Then my dad got pissed cuz I didn't know what I wanted to do so I jumped around and quit a bunch of jobs. They pretty much made me get this one,-0.25,negative,proud 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,speaker,1,"My family is getting worse by the day and for the first time in a very long time I remembered ""her"" the only girl I actually saw myself growing old with. For more insight she came over to my house the day I left her and we were just relaxing and cuddled for abit and um she did something for me that uh yeah it's hard to type with the tears in my eyes I apologize for typos anyways. I looked at the couch where we were cuddled up on and I remembered it the warmth she gave off to my neck. I sound pathetic but I don't care anymore I missed the fake love she gave me all those times she said I'm the most important person to her I miss it the goodnight kisses her presence I fucking miss it but I don't miss her fake personality the cold shoulder she gave me and one time told me to just kill myself when I told her to crossed my mind. I.. it hurts breathing I don't like this anymore I don't want to be alive anymore if it's just going to be this painful and only gets harder this is already hard for me and I don't think I'm cut out for this.",-0.8953,negative,nostalgic 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,listener_1,2,"Everyone is built to survive, and that means we are all ""cut out for this"".",-0.2732,negative,proud 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,speaker,3,You don't need my forgiveness you still have a chance I lost mine don't waste it seize the moment when it comes,0.0562,positive,consoling 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,speaker,4,I don't matter not now nor in my future,-0.0191,neutral,apprehensive 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,listener_2,5,I've already lost her and in the process of trying to patch things up i've lost another.,-0.5574,negative,devastated 2112,depressed,I'm (not) ready to die,listener_3,6,you matter to me,0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,speaker,1,"As I'm sure a lot of you have felt, I'm currently struggling to find the motivation to eat, let alone cook. This results in me either skipping meals, binging on snacks and/or buying take out. All terrible ideas. Does anyone have any go-to, depression proof if you will, meals that they make when they aren't really feeling it but still want to try to be healthy (and save money)? Anything that is quick and simple, bonus if it can be made in a big batch for meals through out the week. Thanks in advance.",0.9344,positive,questioning 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,listener_1,2,"What i normally do is that when i feel like cooking i just make extra forr the days when i know i'll be wasted. But noodles are pretty good go to food as they taste good, serve as a snack and many times whole meals.",0.9127,positive,neutral 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,speaker,3,"Great idea, never thought of noodles.",0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,speaker,4,Smoothies sound like a great idea! Thanks. Grilled cheese is always a winner.,0.9273,positive,acknowledging 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,listener_1,5,Glad to be of help,0.6908,positive,sympathizing 2113,depressed,Recipe suggestions,listener_2,6,"You're welcome, I hope you feel better soon. PM if you need anything else.",0.8316,positive,consoling 2114,depressed,////:,speaker,1,"this was almost seven months ago but it still effects me to this day. my girlfriend, the whole time before she moved in, was sending me nudes and they weren’t just being sent to me. she sent them to tons of people and i never knew, she even did like video calls and things i thought was just an us thing because she had never done that stuff before me. i always kinda had a feeling but i never asked because i trusted her. then when she was away for a month in another state, she started doing this A LOT and then she ended up sleeping with a couple THAT KNEW ABOUT ME. And i found out a little bit after she came back from her trip. the worst part is when she was getting herself all satisfied, i got raped and now i’m scared every time i walk outside. so these past 7-8 months have been the hardest thing i’ve ever had to live through.. but i love her way too much to leave her and just i don’t know what to do anymore",0.0141,neutral,trusting 2114,depressed,////:,listener_1,2,"Do you actually mean ""raped"" or she just messed with your head?",-0.7906,negative,questioning 2114,depressed,////:,speaker,3,actually raped,-0.6808,negative,terrified 2115,depressed,Dealing with antisocial-ness,speaker,1,"So I've gotten over most of the things that have been making me depressed, but I'm still dealing with the antisocial-ness. I want to get out and be with my friends but I can't bring myself to it. All I end up doing is sitting on my ass doing nothing all day but watching Netflix and Hulu. Does anybody have any tips for getting out?",-0.3182,negative,lonely 2115,depressed,Dealing with antisocial-ness,listener_1,2,Got a car?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2115,depressed,Dealing with antisocial-ness,speaker,3,Sadly no,-0.6124,negative,disappointed 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,speaker,1,"There has been so much going on mentally and it’s lowkey been eating me alive. I don’t really believe in karma but it’s as if I did something extremely wrong and because of it everything in my life has been going down hill. The thing is from the outside no one would know because i’m extremely talented at pretending my life is going perfectly fine when i’m around people. Majority of my friends wouldn’t even know that I feel this way. Any who, my main point is that I don’t really want to be here anymore. Not as in “I want to kill myself” but I just don’t really want to be...here (if that makes sense). I didn’t ask to be brought into this world so why have I been forced to deal with it’s burdens. I try to make the best out of things because relatively, I’m actually very fortunate and privileged but my mind refuses to see things in this light. I’m really tired of crying every night over things I don’t have control over. One of the worst parts about all of this is that I’m lowkey alone. I have a person who is here for me and they make sure they remind me of this everyday but I still can’t seem to fully open up them and I still keep a lot of things bottled up. They’ve even said I should go see a psychiatrist but I don’t think that’s really going to do anything. Only reason why I’m even typing this is because it’s might be an effective venting mechanism?¿ All in all, I just want to know some ways to be happy but I know that’s a really vague question and i’m probably going to get some really vague responses (if any at all).",0.8379,positive,embarrassed 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,listener_1,2,"What is ""happy"" to you? If you ""just want to be happy"", the first step is having a focus and clear definition of the happy you want. Or at least settle for. make the 'happy' target as small and easy to achieve goal as possible. at first. Without that, how can anything be otherwise?",0.9693,positive,questioning 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,speaker,3,"You’re right but the issue is, as i stated earlier, happiness is extremely vague. It’s quite hard for me to just pin point the exact form of happiness i’m seeking. I just know that I want to feel a specific way and right now I’m no where near that.",0.7485,positive,agreeing 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,listener_1,4,"i understand that, completely. what makes it worse is that the definition can change hour by hour. at that point, stop doing what you're doing. do something different. climb a mountain or write a song. ANYTHING. without trying out the nondestructive options, you'll not really have given you much of a chance. For fun: Try tying your shoelaces by swapping the hand you normally start with.",0.4939,positive,agreeing 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,speaker,5,"I’m on a path towards this! I’ve been finding things that keep my mind occupied and away from the negative and it actually works temporarily. I got a new job and I picked up a new hobby and they both actually make me pretty happy. Once I have to return home to by bed at the end of day, everything just hits me all at once again and I return back to how I originally felt.",0.5411,positive,sad 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,speaker,6,"LMAOOOO you’re actually right my opinion on counseling is solely based on assumptions but it’s so much easier to vent on reddit because it isn’t face to face. Confiding in strangers is relieving because I know I won’t have to see them. Also, I may be privileged but I actually can’t afford therapy right now which is why I’m so reluctant. My intent wasn’t necessarily to find an avenue to vent, I just figured that maybe venting would make me feel better or more relieved.",0.9476,positive,apprehensive 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,listener_2,7,"Venting is helpful. Venting to a professional even more so, if you find someone you build a good relationship with. But yeah, who can afford that shit. Welcome to reddit therapy :)",0.8294,positive,neutral 2116,depressed,Existential Crisis,listener_3,8,I am super happy to hear about your path! Maybe stay out of bed till you are exhausted and ready to sleep!,0.8475,positive,excited 2117,depressed,I feel miserable I want to die,speaker,1,"Hello guys lately I been having this thoughts that god is not helping me or listening to me. I feel like I’m a trash and I keep failing at whatever I do and I try to have a positive attitude but sadly I have become idk empty inside. Now my mom is very religious she takes the Bible serious and I have learn to respect that but idk I just don’t feel what she feels maybe this is not the site I should run to but idk I feel confused and I no longer see the importance to live. I feel sad, disappointed numb for not succeeding at what I studied and seeing how I threw 5 years of my life in a career where I cannot find employment and I’m working as a labor worker. I feel empty and constantly think about ways to die like I don’t care to be honest i even have stopped hanging with my “friends” that just want to hang out but they are superficial friends and my closest friend just canceled her wedding so she’s going through some tough stuff and I don’t want to tell her how I feel because I been feeling complaining to much to her .I wish there was a way for me to end this situation I got a job that I don’t particularly like but I get pay and it seems that my family strongly hates it is not that I’m doing prostitution or drugs I’m doing a customer service job and what do I get they been mad telling me I have attitude but when I get home I’m super tired I just wanna hit the bed and sleep but it seems they don’t like it... i wake up at 5 to get the bus because im even afraid to ask for a ride form my mom, dad and sister they give me faces and the one time my mom dropped me she later said her head was hurting because it was too hot I feel it was my fault for her getting the headache so that’s why I never ask for a ride plus I’m not even home i don’t eat there I just use the bathroom and my bed thats all and she wants me to do deep cleaning when I got back from work at 10 pm I dead tired being standing in my feet for 7 hours. i need some help maybe I’m having a life crisis or just seems that I’m not as successful as other people my age I feel like shit to be honest . I feel like crying and i have none one to talk about . .. :( I’m sorry for those who are reading I’m trying to keep being positive but i keep searching how to kill myself",-0.9876,negative,lonely 2117,depressed,I feel miserable I want to die,listener_1,2,"This is the site you should come to. Especially this sub. Don't lose hope just yet. This friend you talked about (the wedding person) go to her and give her your support. In return you will also get support from her indirectly. You dont need to tell her your problems. You can try and make her the reason you want to live and do good. For me when i had lost all hope for living, i told myself to live for the people that would want you to stay. For me that wasmy friends i had made along the way. Cherish those friends cause in your hopelessness, people may think that you are walking away from them rather than you giving them some space. I made that mistake of letting a friend go cause i thought she didn't need me anymore. She thought that i wanted nothing to do with her and now i've lost her. This was just in the process of losing someone else i really cared about. I havent talked to anyone in 5 months. To summarise; comfort her and she will support you indirectly.",0.967,positive,faithful 2117,depressed,I feel miserable I want to die,speaker,3,"Thank you! It means a lot I hope you are having a good day , afternoon or night !",0.8353,positive,encouraging 2118,depressed,I feel like I'm the problem,speaker,1,"I posted this on the lonely subreddit, but I'm also depressed and have been for several years (which despite how people try to tell me otherwise, I am well aware my mental health tends to be lacking in some areas). My question is: has anybody been in the same or similar situations? This isn't the worst, but it is up there. &#x200B; RANT: I don't understand how I can go to such lengths for people, and not one of them will do the same for me. I have gained, lost, and left friends over the course of several years, and so far have found that not one of them is willing to put in the effort of maintaining and strengthening our friendship, beyond the first couple of months at least. I have very little friends because of this since at some point you realize you're so sick of chasing after people who don't care enough to do the same. The friends I do have are not very close friends, mostly friends by circumstance, but I fear that I cling to these fragile friendships, probably too much in their eyes, because I'm so terrified to be alone. I look at people who have big friend groups and I don't know how they do it, most people I think could be good friends turn out to be stuck in that petty highschool mindset of I'm better than you so will somehow put you down. &#x200B; I guess my low self-esteem comes from both lack of friends and lack of being able to keep the friendships I do have. This is where I wonder if I'm the problem. Is it my personality that puts people off? I honestly don't know. For example: when it was my birthday a couple of years ago, I was the youngest of the group so pretty excited to finally be turning 16, looking back I don't know why, earlier in the year I had gone all out for my best friend at the time. When it came to mine, I didn't understand why nobody had done something similar, I wasn't expecting a big huge present like I had got them (maybe hoping, but not expecting). Even a pizza lunch would have made my day, which was something we did for our friends birthdays, later after my birthday, I found out that a group chat had been made to organize it but my close friends at the time soon decided I talked too much about my birthday so they weren't going to get me anything past a card. &#x200B; As you can imagine I was extremely hurt, not to mention this was one of the reasons I started to spiral hard into depression. Honestly, I don't think my self-esteem has really built up since them, I constantly doubt myself, if I'm talking too much, not listening enough, putting enough/too much effort into friendships. I have since changed friend groups of which I have since kept friends with 2-3 people after leaving for university. At university I didn't find as many friends as I thought I would, has anyone been in a similar situation? I guess I just don't know if I'm so lonely/depressed because of self-sabotage or not. But by God does loneliness and depression creep up on you at the weirdest and most inopportune of times. Has anyone been in a similar situation? If so, please give me advice on what I'm doing wrong.",0.9924,positive,trusting 2118,depressed,I feel like I'm the problem,listener_1,2,"Here's some advice: >I don't understand how I can go to such lengths for people, and not one of them will do the same for me. Already you're making me nervous as a potential friend because I'm worried about what you consider ""great lengths."" I don't like score keepers who are like ""you *owe* me."" You know what, don't ever do anything for me that you feel will accumulate a debt so that I *owe* you anything, mkay? If I need a favor, and it would create that kind of debt that makes you feel like I *owe* you, say No to my request say ""no i will not do you that favor,"" which allows me to say ""pretty please, *I will owe you big time.""* Then clarify with that person what that means to them and actually have a meeting of the minds about the transaction details. *Never* assume you can keep a debt just because you, say, took your friend to the airport or held their hand when their mom died. Never assume a debt period. I don't think that's how friendship works, at least not my friendships. >earlier in the year I had gone all out for my best friend at the time. When it came to mine, I didn't understand why nobody had done something similar, I wasn't expecting a big huge present like I had got them (maybe hoping, but not expecting). Yeah, don't do *that*. Only create as much party as you are willing to do without feeling like you are owed anything in return. Don't do things for people that, in your mind, create any kind of expectation of reciprocity from the receiver of your gift. Everything you give is for free, in exchange for nothing -- that is the healthiest way. *If* you get something back, great. But really internalize never ever doing things for people with the expectation that you get something in return, I think some of your heartbreak and difficulty with relationships is probably related to this. Sorry you're having a hard time and please don't be hurt by this advice I offer it with no judgment and with all due respect to you. Good luck.",0.9889,positive,apprehensive 2118,depressed,I feel like I'm the problem,listener_2,3,"I cant give you advice on something i haven't figured out myself. I personally habe just stopped caring for anyone and have stopped thinking completely. Cause if i think, i think about my problems.",-0.3182,negative,trusting 2119,depressed,I'm a failure,speaker,1,"Hi. I'm 34. I live with my sister and her husband, who basically treat me like garbage all the time but don't even realize it but they more or less belittle everything I say and do. But I'm a writer, which is a good way of saying I don't make any money really but I work 40+hours a week on my craft. But because I'm perpetually broke everyone treats me like I don't do anything. I used to have friends but then someone started spreading a rumor that I was gay ten years ago and now the only time they want to see me is when we're having a game night, because I own an Xbox. I started a writers group but no one will read my book or do a damn thing for me and most of them won't even write anything. I started a YouTube series but no one seems interested. I wrote a movie and won a contest but they wouldn't even let me on set while they were making it. That made me zero money either. Nothing I do makes money. I'd get a job but I'm always busy with the things I've mentioned, which is the only thing I want to do anyway. I've only had 2 girlfriends but they both just cheated on me all the time. It seems like if something stupidly bad can happen it will happen to me in the unluckiest of ways. Even when I won that script contest I've never felt more like a loser. I try to make friends but all I get is failure, so I go back to work but no one wants a part of the things I'm doing. I just don't see the point and I feel like such a loser. I can't make new friends. I can't remake my old friends. And everyone seems to just treat me like garbage. I hate myself. I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do anymore",-0.8599,negative,annoyed 2119,depressed,I'm a failure,listener_1,2,"You are not a failure, but I do believe you rely too heavily on your expectations of others.",0.2146,positive,neutral 2119,depressed,I'm a failure,speaker,3,This comment doesn't help. So I should just expect people to betray me immediately? Or what? You don't even know me and already your judging me? So I guess I know what to expect from this Reddit at least. No help for the helpless.,-0.9053,negative,apprehensive 2119,depressed,I'm a failure,listener_2,4,"The comment is fine. You don't have to agree with it, but please avoid being argumentative. Plenty of posters here get helpful comments; please be patient.",0.5259,positive,neutral 2120,depressed,What is the fucking point,speaker,1,"I go to work to a crappy retail job all day. I come home at 11pm too tired to do anything. I live alone and have no friends so even my limited spare time is spent in isolation. I have hobbies but I barely even have time for them because of work. Even tho I work constantly I can’t even pay rent, and have to borrow from my parents until I can pay them back (when I get my student loans in the fall). I don’t even know the last time I went on a “vacation”, and I don’t even mean anything big, just doing something fun with people. I don’t enjoy any aspect of life. What is the point if I have to be constantly miserable with no relief? Not even a ducking weekend to do stuff or anything.",-0.7929,negative,lonely 2120,depressed,What is the fucking point,listener_1,2,"There is no point anyways. I am going thru some shit rn (check my recent to unserstand) ik you are feeling angry about your current situation but is there something you can do? As a person even i wanna go out with friends, even i wanna go on a vacation but somethings arent just meant for us. People moved ahead in their life and everything seems to work out for them but not for me and you.",0.09,positive,questioning 2120,depressed,What is the fucking point,speaker,3,"I’m actually moving across the state in about six weeks and I can’t wait for it. I’m excited to quit this job and find something else. I’ll still be living alone tho, but most of the time I prefer that. I’m changing my major and starting at a different school so that’ll at least keep me excited for a little bit. I just never want to work a job like this again, but I know I’ll have to.",0.7365,positive,excited 2121,depressed,Girls huh?,speaker,1,"Dont deem myself as a sensitive individual but sometimes my GF really knows how to make me feel like shit.... told her she made me feel insecure about the way she was pointing out blemishes and imperfections on my body, goes to tell me oh you shouldn't feel like that, got into a arguement about it as usual, sees that I'm down and starts yelling at me WTF?",-0.9461,negative,angry 2121,depressed,Girls huh?,speaker,2,Really wish I could donate my life to someone deserving of that was a thing,0.4576,positive,caring 2121,depressed,Girls huh?,listener_1,3,Same here.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2121,depressed,Girls huh?,listener_2,4,I agree. There are people that don't put there SO down. Not worth it.,-0.0231,neutral,agreeing 2122,depressed,I'm too broken.,speaker,1,That's why I dont have good friendships. That's why my ex stopped loving me. That's why my family sees me as the weird one. I know that things got better for some people but not for me. Things wont get better for me anytime soon.,-0.4222,negative,sad 2122,depressed,I'm too broken.,listener_1,2,"you're not broken, don't ever think that these feelings are your fault. sometimes the gap can only be bridged with communication. Pick out your closest friend or give your grandparents a call if they are in your life. Pour out your heart and soul. Don't let up and just tell them everything about how you feel and why. letting it out will feel better, and your friend should understand and appreciate you more instead of just thinking you're drifting apart. If it's your grandparents they will give you some solid life wisdom and in turn talk to your parents about it. They will care and if you just say you need love and support, they should understand. If they don't you PM me right away. Don't ever think you are alone. Someone cares about you and your life. It's precious, and you are a fantastic person who just hasn't had their chance yet. Stay strong, Rick and Morty season 3 is coming out soon <3",0.9912,positive,trusting 2122,depressed,I'm too broken.,speaker,3,Thank you for saying that. And thank you for reminding me about Rick and morty,0.6124,positive,grateful 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",speaker,1,"And when it comes back, and it always does, just wait it out again. Any tips on non self-destructive things to do while waiting it out... I’m currently waiting it out.",0.0,neutral,suggesting 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",listener_1,2,"Read ""Yotsuba to!"" Even if you don't like manga, the sheer adorableness of it will put a big, stupid grin on your face every time. It's a beautiful thing.",0.7416,positive,impressed 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",speaker,3,I have never heard of it but I will google it right now. Thank you for replying.,0.5023,positive,neutral 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",listener_1,4,No worries. Here's the first chapter: https://mangadex.org/chapter/45054/1,0.3252,positive,questioning 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",speaker,5,Thank you. I’m actually enjoying this. It really means a lot that you took the time to tell me. I know it just seems like a simple post but it really makes a difference.,0.5719,positive,grateful 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",listener_1,6,I use it to curb my own bad times. It's not such a small thing for those of us who need it. Glad I could help.,0.29600000000000004,positive,grateful 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",speaker,7,That’s the thing. I have a kid. My kid won’t forget me in a week. My kid will never forget me. And I will live this crappy life forever to avoid putting my kid through the pain I have every day. My life will probably never get better because that’s how depression works. My brain will always find a reason to hate myself and hate my life. I’m literally just here to avoid sending my kid down this same miserable path.,-0.9816,negative,sad 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",listener_2,8,I feel you,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2123,depressed,"I have learned that no matter how completely done I feel with trying and living and breathing and being me, if I wait it out the urge to end it all will pass.",speaker,9,It is a nightmare of life. But it’s the only life I know. I suppose it could be better but I suppose it could be worse.,-0.0772,negative,devastated 2124,depressed,My heart hurts,speaker,1,If I stay positive and work more I can fix most of my problems. If I kill myself I will fail myself even more. But... my heart still always hurt.,-0.2929,negative,hopeful 2124,depressed,My heart hurts,listener_1,2,"Hey friend, You got all the positivity.! Why it hurts still??",0.6189,positive,questioning 2124,depressed,My heart hurts,speaker,3,Because there’s some things that can never be fixed. The thing that’s been hurting my whole life will take awhile to fix,-0.4019,negative,neutral 2124,depressed,My heart hurts,listener_1,4,"If you wanna to share with him, I have got kind heart to help you out. I am yoga trainer probably I could really help you. Please feel free friend",0.9737,positive,caring 2125,depressed,4th of July,speaker,1,And I’m sad as hell. I want to go out and have fun but I’m just so sad I want to crawl in bed and sleep until I feel better.,-0.5173,negative,sad 2125,depressed,4th of July,listener_1,2,Its also bob rosses death anniversary.,-0.5994,negative,neutral 2125,depressed,4th of July,listener_2,3,Bob Ross would know how to heal us.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2126,depressed,Body pains and should I take anti depressants,speaker,1,Hi everyone. Just a question for you all.. Do you a get any pains such as headaches or joint pains with your depression? Alos I'm scared of side effects of prozac so was curious of the benefits since any of yall started taking them after the initial period? Like 4 weeks. Thank you Ryan,-0.5238,negative,questioning 2126,depressed,Body pains and should I take anti depressants,listener_1,2,"Hi Ryan! I have the same question:) also, what made you choose antidepressants? Was it an easy decision for you?",0.5502,positive,questioning 2126,depressed,Body pains and should I take anti depressants,speaker,3,This is great thanks for your reply. And your bang on so probs gonna stay clear for a while now and attempt talking therapy,0.8625,positive,acknowledging 2126,depressed,Body pains and should I take anti depressants,listener_2,4,no words. just good wishes. And thanks for replying too.,0.6369,positive,wishing 2127,depressed,Having a shit day,speaker,1,"Hii, wanted to get it off my chest here. I’m feeling very depressed and angry. Just want to get this feeling over with. I’ve only been seeing close close friends and my mom and dad the past two months. It’s like the borderline button has clicked in. Today I met up with some old colleagues and I felt terrible. How I’m standing still for now in life and the way I’m feeling. I just can’t deal with seeing anyone other than my close friends and family.. I hate that I come off so depressed to the outworld, to people that don’t know me too well. I just feel like some of my acquaintances are making fun of my depression and the way I can light up when I talk about a boy who I like. Today one of the girls kept pushing me to talk about boys and I feel shit for getting carried away only if it’s just for 2 minutes, I’ve always been a big flirt but never to act on it. And I just feel like girls are giving me trash talk for it. I will probably get antidepressants soon. Still a bit scared of that. What made you guys choose antidepressants and do you feel like a zombie or? Or how are you coping with your depression. I used to go out every weekend, but eventually I felt worse and worse, so I stopped, which makes me feel anxious and maybe even more depressed at times. But it’s necessary for now. I should have a F*ck you attitude, but depression and insecurity is bringing me down. I hate this.",-0.9897,negative,sad 2127,depressed,Having a shit day,listener_1,2,"It does not seem clear why you feel depressed. Do you feel anxious with your friends? You need to realize what things make you feel that way and figure out is that fear or anxiety justified etc. But please please, dont lose your friends. I was anxious and afraid how i look and act around people so i slowly met friends less and less till i did not meet them anymore, they asked few times and i was way too afraid to go anymore. Thats fucked up situation you can find yourself in when you dont have anybody. Time to act is now, not later. If you have things that need special help, social anxiety for example you might even need therapist. Your mind is basically saying this way of living is not sustainable and throwing drug at it can only keep your problem hidden at best until you find it in front of you again.",0.7589,positive,sad 2127,depressed,Having a shit day,speaker,3,"I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time, school never worked out, that’s where my insecurity comes from. Social anxiety, yes bc I had a lot of bad nights while on drugs&going out, embarrassed. I’m also scared that I’m more than depressed, that I have a mental illness. My memory is gone, I forget sooo many information due depression at it’s lowest or due mental illness. I’m just extremely anxious about what’s going on with me. My anxiety and feelings are killing me. I am getting therapy, will start next week. And I know how important it is to keep seeing friends and not to miss out birthdays, how difficult I find it lately. Thanks for responding<3",-0.9839,negative,afraid 2128,depressed,Can anyone help?,speaker,1,"So last night I went to a block party with a fairly new but really close friend. Then at the end we left and I gave her a ride to her car where we talked for a good 2 hours ish. We had some really deep conversations and it was super refreshing to talk to her. However, today she didn't respond to anything and instead she is at my brothers party putting everything on social media. I may be overreacting, but I just want to hide in a corner and do nothing now.",0.9569,positive,lonely 2128,depressed,Can anyone help?,listener_1,2,"That's rough and honestly something I have gone through with every close friend I have. I'm not saying you cant be upset, but my best advice would be to give the situation less weight than you are currently. Sometimes people forget about texts, sometimes they make other plans and sometimes they just need to hang out with other people. That doesnt mean they dont want to be your friend. It is natural to feel hurt, and you dont need to ignore that feeling. Some people just need space or other interactions in their lives more than others.",0.9346,positive,sad 2128,depressed,Can anyone help?,speaker,3,"Thanks, I didn't see it until this morning but it did help.",0.6705,positive,neutral 2128,depressed,Can anyone help?,listener_2,4,^truth,0.3182,positive,angry 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,speaker,1,"Hi, so I \[22F\] have had depression my entire life, but my family literally will not talk about it, won't let me get help, and screams at me and calls me dramatic, spoiled, crazy, etc. when it has gotten brought up. I say my family, but the only person in my family I can even try to talk to is my mom, and that's how she treats me. It's extremely bad and anyone that actually cared could see it, but my mom is all about appearances and has forced me to sweep it under the rug and won't let me get help for it. I have just graduated college and have a job lined up to start, but I need a top secret security clearance and could fail to get my interim clearance if I have a mental disorder of any kind, so I feel absolutely hopeless now. It's worse than ever, and I tried to bring it up to my mom today, but she screamed me to tears twice calling me a disappointment and telling me to ""cheer up"" and stop being an ""overspoiled brat."" I just want to cry all the time because I feel like my family doesn't give a shit. They only want me to be the perfect daughter that got all these scholarships and this job and just ignore my flaws. She just laughed in my face today while I cried and begged for once would she please listen to me and let me get help. I don't even know the purpose of making this post. I just have to tell someone.",-0.8378,negative,angry 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,listener_1,2,"Did you know that [only 4 cases in 2018 were denied over mental health](https://news.clearancejobs.com/2018/12/20/top-reasons-for-security-clearance-denial-in-2018/)? Interims are denied *routinely* but it's literally because they review the case within 3-5 minutes and make a decision **however** your processing still continues. Interims are simply a surface check, not the outcome. Don't fall into the stigma.",-0.4404,negative,surprised 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,speaker,3,"Do you know how long it takes to get an interim? They had me under the impression at least 3 months, but I'm hoping it's sooner. The problem is that I can't start the job without the clearance, so if I don't get the interim, I'm in bad shape.",-0.631,negative,anticipating 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,listener_1,4,"Interims do take about 3 months. If you're denied then the full clearance will take about 12 months total. I would be looking for temporary work in the meantime, honestly.",0.0258,neutral,neutral 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,speaker,5,Thanks! I really needed that,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,listener_2,6,Happy that it helped!,0.6114,positive,neutral 2129,depressed,Severe Depression and not allowed help,speaker,7,"Thanks for the encouragement. I think you're right, and I need to stop looking to her for trust and reassurance. It's time to explore different options.",0.8519,positive,agreeing 2130,depressed,Opinion on journal/diary keeping?,speaker,1,"I've tried lots of times to keep a personal journal and write out my feelings and thoughts because so many people say it helps but I feel like it only ever makes things worse. Whenever I write in something like that, I feel like it just makes me focus on the depression even more and it's much harder to ignore it and move on. It traps me and makes me think of all sorts of bad things. Does anyone else feel this way? Do you have some other alternative to a diary?",-0.8406,negative,sad 2130,depressed,Opinion on journal/diary keeping?,listener_1,2,"I don’t do it regularly, but every once in a while I write some stuff down on my phone and lock the note. It’s like a sloppy lazy kid diary.",0.0,neutral,embarrassed 2130,depressed,Opinion on journal/diary keeping?,speaker,3,Does doing so make you feel worse or better after?,-0.0516,negative,questioning 2130,depressed,Opinion on journal/diary keeping?,listener_1,4,"Maybe a bit better, but it does not make me get out of that headspace so yeah",0.6955,positive,suggesting 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,speaker,1,"I have no clue what to do. It’s three in the fucking morning again and i feel like shit. Everything in my life is falling apart and breaking rn. Every single thing. This summer was supposed to be my summer to be happy. Because work is the only thing I’ve ever taken pride in and I was offered a summer sales position in Texas. I did awesome and it was great to be away from home (in Utah) and be on my own finally (I’m 17). Then about two weeks in I blow my knee out at the gym so I have to come home. This made my depression worse than ever. Then my car brakes down after I get home. My car mesnt the most to me. It’s my most prized possession and now I owe $3,000 in repairs and rent for my summer of sales but I can hardly work. On top of that the girl I’ve been talking to for about 7 months now doesn’t feel the same as me. I genuinely thought she was different than other girls and we had a connection. But it turns out I’m just too attached. And now I spend my day alone in bed in pain without anyone to talk to. I’ve had suicidal thought before but lately they’ve been worse than ever. I even started working on notes for my family. I just don’t see a point in trying anymore.",-0.9313,negative,devastated 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,listener_1,2,Are you able to get any help at all? Will you accept it?,0.6868,positive,questioning 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,speaker,3,Sorry what do you mean?,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,listener_1,4,"By ""help"" I mean: talk to a mental health professional. By ""able"" I mean: are you insured? do you have access to community health care? Even so, will you ""accept help""? Or have you made a decision to attempt suicide?",0.7691,positive,questioning 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,speaker,5,I’ve sought help and have seen a couple psychiatrists and psychologists. I stopped seeing my most recent therapist bc I moved to Texas for a bit this summer. But I am able and I will continue to seek help. And I want help. I really do and I will accept it. It’s just so hard to think about sometimes. I’ve never attempted it but lately I’ve just been so much more depressed than I ever have.,0.5811,positive,faithful 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,listener_1,6,"That clears things up for me. After years of depression, I simply gave up on 'bright futures' and became a base person, grateful for mere survival. If someone can't do anything else but ""survive"", then that is good enough. Many of us feel dead already, and have little motivation to do the basics, but we are probably hoping for renewal. Our survival instincts should be strong, and if they are obscured, that does not mean those drives are permanently extinguished.",0.8577,positive,content 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,speaker,7,Sometimes I wonder why bother surviving. If that’s all we’re doing what’s the point of our existence. We simply live in suffering and pain. Why try,-0.765,negative,sad 2131,depressed,Fucking sad.,listener_1,8,"Personally, I accept suffering as inescapable. I reduce suffering by letting go of what I don't have control over.",-0.5574,negative,sad 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,speaker,1," I immensely hate myself and have worked for almost a decade to make the bad thoughts go away. They don't. The only things that do are playing games on my phone or drinking. Weed takes the edge off. I'm on 3 anti-depressants and anxiety medications, they make it so I don't want to smash my head into a wall, Drinking is a problem because I don't drink on the regular, but when I do, it's a huge binge. It's like there's no stopping me and all my thoughts disappear into the alcohol and I can enjoy talking to people and being out, but I crave that feeling more and more, so I drink more instead of staying buzzed. Why? I.don't.know. I've tried limits, counting drinks, watering drinks down, anything I can think of to put the check on how much I'm drinking. This morning I got up around 6am and my husband was already up and since I don't remember leaving our friends house last night, I had to ask him how much he hated me. He doesn't, but he doesn't understand why I do this either. Anyways, back to the self-hatred: Its always there. I'm not good enough for anything. I feel simultaneously like I'm one of the smart people, but also that I'm the dumbest person in the entire world. I've tried arguing with the voice and pointing out that a dumb person wouldn't have a MS in Finance. Or when the voice is telling me that everyone hates me, I point out that I have friends who reach out to me first and they wouldn't do that if they didn't actually want to hang with me. They know I have depression and am on medications but I don't think any of them really know how I feel on a daily basis. One friend got a glimpse once when I was upset with myself when I realized I had probably had too much to drink on night on a girls trip, she said that I called myself a dumb bitch repeatedly and that upset her that I think like that about myself because we all make mistakes and it's not like I was doing anything other than getting ready for bed and had had too much to drink- I don't fight or get angry or anything, just a bit more giggly. I told her the next day about how I feel about myself and she was very nice and comforting. That was two years ago. I think about it and want to hurl myself out a window. I've never been one for suicide because I figure that that takes away the ability for things to improve and you might as well stick around here because afterwards its nothing for forever. But, this morning I thought about it because I'm feeling like things will never improve, I'll always be stupid and hate myself and be stuck with me. I won't because me killing myself would fuck up my husband and parents and my dog wouldn't understand, so I have to continue existing for them. I have to continue for myself as well. But I just want like a vacation from myself. The main stresser in my life is me. It's my brain, my thoughts, and there's no escape. And of course, it's extra bad right now because I'm hating myself for drinking too much last night. I don't want to be at work right now, but I also don't want to be stuck at home. Why would brain treat me like this? I had a great childhood with loving parents. I've been given every opportunity in life. I've been very, very lucky in life and have never been raped and never been beaten. I have a good job, I workout 5 days a week, I have a loving family, the best husband who puts up with me for some reason, friends, social activities/Junior League. But still, I'm worthless, I can't do anything right, everything I say is so fucking stupid, no one actually likes me they only tolerate me, I'm not pretty enough, I'm too fat and my stomach is too big, I'm too tall and feel like an elephant compared to other women, but I'm not rich enough to afford the surgery/botox that I want, but even then, will it really solve anything? It won't. This is an internal problem. Something in me just blocks me from any sort of full happiness. I've been given everything but stupid me just sucks at it. &#x200B; &#x200B; Does anyone have any advice? I have a psychiatrist and a counselor. They know, but I think they think I'm doing better. And maybe I am, but it sure doesn't feel like it.",0.8843,positive,ashamed 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,listener_1,2,"Advice #1. Drop the booze! Treating depression w/ a depressant will only make things worse. Im not gonna say if you are an alcoholic or not, cause I don’t know. But if you can’t start once you stop you may be an alcoholic. Any other questions I’d be happy 2 help. Don’t give up!",0.3887,positive,agreeing 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,speaker,3,"Thanks for the encouragement. It's definitely been going thru my brain more recently that I need to stop. It's just that it seems like alcohol is everywhere you turn, you can't even go to the movies anymore without people getting a wine or beer and really wish we weren't such a drinking culture. Part of me not quitting yet is tied to me thinking that we'll lose all our friends and they'll hate me for ruining the fun. I don't think they'd ever do that but that thought is constantly there.",0.6538,positive,apprehensive 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,listener_1,4,"I quit drinking 5 years ago w/ counseling, a psychiatrist, and AA. That’s just what worked for me. I still struggle w/ my mental health but my life has never been better. Imo alcohol is one of the worst things to consume if you have depression. It makes the low’s just that much lower. Honestly I don’t even think about it anymore. It’s not even a temptation. I will do whatever it takes to not go back into that hellhole. I hope you find your way. It’s a never ending journey to try and become a better person one small step at a time. I still take psych meds and still struggle. My my life is 1000% better Han it was 5 years ago.",-0.6867,negative,faithful 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,speaker,5,"That's nice to hear that it's working for you! If you don't mind me asking, what do you do when a social activity is surrounding alcohol? Like if friends wanted to go to a brewery, would you opt out or go and drink water/soda? I don't get temptations to drink, it's more of once I do decide to have a drink it's either one drink and I'm good or alllll the drinks I can get, there's no middle ground for me it seems, so I need to figure out what to do in those instances.",0.8674,positive,acknowledging 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,listener_1,6,"It’s a long windy road that one gets to be essentially neutral about alcohol. For me it was the 12 steps, but that doesn’t work for everyone. I’m not pro or anti alcohol. I go out all the time w/ people who drink, I go to concerts, and travel. It’s never even on my mind anymore. I know that if I take just one sip of that shit everything positive in my life will disappear, and I worked hard to get here. And if you think about it the only people who worry about how much people are drinking are usually alcoholics themselves. Normal people don’t even think about that shit.",-0.8822,negative,apprehensive 2132,depressed,I don't know what I need to do now,speaker,7,Thanks! That's a really good point- no one cares what I'm drinking unless they're misplacing their own insecurities onto me.,-0.2365,negative,acknowledging 2133,depressed,How to love when you're depressed,speaker,1," Hello guys, my English is very very bad, sorry about that, but I don't have any place to talk about my problem. I suffer from depression from two years ago, in that time I have a lover. I was happy, but at the same time I'm very painful . I tried not to hurt him, but I accidentally hurt him a thousand times. He still love me, he said he don't want to leave, but I always remember how I make him sad again and again. I'm always beating myself up. I'm terrible, I can't save myself, I can't do anything for him, I'm just trying to hurt him, I'm ""killing"" him. It's hurt. I cry every night, and I wanna die every day, I was really desperate. But I love him. I want to set him free, I don't want he sad because of me, but I love him, part of me said I don't want to let him go. What should I do now? My brain wants to explode, and my heart is broken. I don't know what to do, I'm afraid of everything, I'm afraid to lose him, but I'm afraid to hurt him too. Thank you for reading all I've written, and by the way, please fix the text for me, I'm trying to improve my English.",-0.9847,negative,sad 2133,depressed,How to love when you're depressed,listener_1,2,"Give yourself some credit for your ability to write in english. By saying ""very, very bad"", I can see how you exaggerate perceptions, and that insight may help you see why depression is amplified.",-0.4159,negative,neutral 2133,depressed,How to love when you're depressed,listener_2,3,True say.,0.4215,positive,agreeing 2134,depressed,Therapy was rough today,speaker,1,"We talked about him the whole time. I didnt realise I was crying. I'm back at home and I cant leave my bed, I'm hungry but I'm out of food. I hate him. I fucking hate him. I should have gone to the police but it's too late. instead of a shot gun shell I chose the back of a truck, all the way across the country, where he cant find me. I wish I shot him. at the time I thought I wanted to kill myself but it was him. He locked me in a cage for 4 years. 4 years of my life gone, twisted, and confused. fuck you John Alvarez you fucking pedofile, rapist, piece of shit, you're a psychopath. fuck you.",-0.9937,negative,guilty 2134,depressed,Therapy was rough today,listener_1,2,I’m so sorry to hear this. 😔 but just know that a random stranger is thinking about you and is giving all their love to you ❤️❤️,0.8687,positive,sympathizing 2134,depressed,Therapy was rough today,speaker,3,he deserves to be known. but I understand.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2134,depressed,Therapy was rough today,listener_2,4,re-approved; hope you get some feedback here.,0.4404,positive,consoling 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),speaker,1,People are yelling the fuck out of me because I sent a picture of a car with the title that was only the name of it,-0.5423,negative,ashamed 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),listener_1,2,What? Who cares if people yell on Reddit man,0.4588,positive,angry 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),speaker,3,"Yes true but my dad has no job, no car, and without welfare, no house. My mom is a counselor and she never once applies any of it to her job my sister and my mom just got into a fight. My life fell apart as all my friends began to resent me and now another person is pissing me off so alone, yes who cares",0.6494,positive,angry 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),speaker,4,"That was aggressive yet constructive so honestly, thank you for that. But considering I have 0 concern for my well being, I shan’t be accepting your sage advice. Also, I have made and deleted multiple accounts so I’ve been a part of this rodeo for about 150 days",0.8431,positive,trusting 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),listener_2,5,"No one was insulting your ability with cars. I read the comments. One pointed out you were just copying photos from Google. The other asked for a source for your description. If cars make you happy, get off the internet and focus on that. I have no idea what you are expecting by repeatedly telling people, even on car subreddits, you have no self esteem. If you are looking for advice, that's one thing. But you seem to just be finding any way possible to say "" woe is me.""",-0.6808,negative,annoyed 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),speaker,6,"One, “woe is me” practically the theme of this subreddit Two, I see what you mean although I didn’t mean to Three, I have many regrets for what happened Four, I (just like everyone else here) am going through stuff so I’m not going to be the most calm and collected person",0.3804,positive,ashamed 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),listener_2,7,"Don't conflate depression with just complaining about everything in life. Plus, most of the stuff you named isn't even happening to you directly. Like I said, you are looking for any reason to say, ""woe is me."" I don't know how old you are but you need to take control of your life. First step would be seeking out professional help through therapy. If you are going through stuff, you can additionally reach out on here for practical solutions on how to move forward. Reddit seems to be making you feel worse so posting on other subreddits might not be healthy for you. But you need to stop just finding anything to claim as your as why your life isn't good because that is going to make it impossible to actually focus on what you really need to do to begin making changes.",-0.7748,negative,sad 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),speaker,8,I am getting professional help and reaching out to others. Thank you for being honest and not sugar coating advice because it’s refreshing. I agree that Reddit is mentally unhealthy for me but only in some parts because I’m loving loving the meme ones and I like trying to help out here. So I’ll stay off that one for a While but some parts of Reddit do help Reddit does help.,0.9839,positive,trusting 2135,depressed,My Reddit life is going to straight hell (my normal life is already there),listener_2,9,Good to hear you are getting help and reaching out. You are also starting to sound more calm and practical.,0.8399,positive,acknowledging 2136,depressed,How many people can relate to this,speaker,1,"So I have major depression and anxiety so as you know everything is shit but my depression and anxiety make me fuck up which makes me more depressed which means I fuck up more which means I’m more depressed, and so on, and so on, an so on. It’s a vicious cycle",-0.989,negative,sad 2136,depressed,How many people can relate to this,listener_1,2,e x a c t l y. there’s no way out because everything makes everything worse.,-0.3182,negative,consoling 2136,depressed,How many people can relate to this,speaker,3,Yep all you can do is lie on the ground crying until you die of dehydration,-0.7003,negative,sad 2136,depressed,How many people can relate to this,speaker,4,"Oh yes, and right before you’re done feeling guilty, you fuck up again",-0.4767,negative,agreeing 2136,depressed,How many people can relate to this,listener_2,5,I think I’m depressed,-0.5106,negative,sad 2137,depressed,To hell with life,speaker,1,"my dad has no job, no car, and without welfare, no house. My mom is a counselor and she never once applies any of it to her job my sister and my mom just got into a fight. My life fell apart as all my friends began to resent me",0.0966,positive,devastated 2137,depressed,To hell with life,speaker,2,Sorry my mom never applies any of her job to her life.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2137,depressed,To hell with life,listener_1,3,"Its not your fault. Its not your fault. Its not your fault. Its not your fault. So stop apologising. The way you are feeling now is because of the environment around you. There is this thing that i call the vibe transfer. It refers to a feeling of someone else around you being transfered to either you or someone close to them. For example, your mothers vibes got transfered to your sister and your sister picked up that mood and started an argument. Which led to both of their vibes being transfered to you and makeing you feel that way. So the best advice would be to move away from the people when you can as mentioned by another person in the comments. I personally want to move to the other side of the world if it means i move away from my problems that led me to be depressed.",0.6023,positive,sad 2137,depressed,To hell with life,speaker,4,Well thank you. It’s people like you that keep me moving I want you to know that helped,0.7506,positive,grateful 2138,depressed,my 6 years long best friend just dumped me,speaker,1,"Today my bestfriend just dumped me just because he wanted to spent more time with his girlfriend. We've been friend for about 5 years. We went through anything together and this changed forever right after he got a girlfriend. I than share my problem while he is chatting with her GF than he asked ""Why Are You Doing This"" than I answer with ""Because We're Friend And We Always Gone Through Thing Together''. He than answer with ""We Never Went Through Anything Together I Felt Like Only Went Through With Her And Not You"" (this really does hurt my feelings). From that day we became a stranger &#x200B; The most depressing part is that I introduced her to him by giving her number to him (I really regret doing this). &#x200B; now I'm all alone and no more place to express my feeling but and he is the only person that I'm comfortable with sharing my problems i think this is the only place that i can go to express my feeling right now since no one else will &#x200B; p/s this is my first ever thread i've written on reddit and English is not my first language sorry for my bad grammar and english",-0.6288,negative,angry 2138,depressed,my 6 years long best friend just dumped me,listener_1,2,Sent you a pm,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2138,depressed,my 6 years long best friend just dumped me,listener_2,3,I messed up 2 relationships. Not happy or proud of what i did.,-0.7877,negative,ashamed 2138,depressed,my 6 years long best friend just dumped me,listener_3,4,Same here. I just wish I could make them understand.,0.4019,positive,jealous 2138,depressed,my 6 years long best friend just dumped me,speaker,5,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2139,depressed,Anti-social/social anxiety and extreme lack of self confidence is detrimental. Please help.,speaker,1,"Hi all! I just stumbled on this subreddit. I think its great for us to be able to express ourselves freely and help each other out in a forum like this. Lately, especially the past 2 months or so, have been so rough for me mentally. I suffer from general anxiety and depression a lot, (obviously), and due to my substance abuse (specifically LSD, MDMA, and marijuana) these illnesses have been amplified to a next degree. I began to suffer from mental illness, especially social/general anxiety, at fairly young age (15-16). I was already super awkward in coversations but recently (i am 21 years old) it got worse. Due to my childhood trust issues and lack of self confidence, i began spend time with friends who curious in taking drugs, essentailly not the best influences due to my current state and this further decreased my self confidence bc i became addicted to some and used others far too frequently. Relationships with friends began to suffer because during our “trips” on LSD and even MDMA i would go into teribble thought loops of pure negativity. And no one enjoys that person on a trip. I wouldnt be able to have a conversation with someone bc of how in my head i was, and this would even lead me to not being able to help my own friends when they are having their own anxiety attacks bc i would know what to do. I would be stuck in a mode of panic and terror. My friends do not take this lightly and i know this. I feel selfish and gross for not being able to be there to help them bc of my own condition. I continued to try to get myself out but always found a way to give up getting out of the thought loop bc it was so difficult and my brain would race a million miles a minute. After continued uses of these substances over a span of 2-3 years, my depression and anxiety increased, ultimately bc of the psycological torture i would put myself through with these thoughts loops and anxiety attacks i would get. I would come to the most radical conclusions about myself, essentially going too deep down the rabbit hole. During an LSD trip i dove down into a deep rabbit hole of exsistential terror and depression in which I came to my ultimate low. My rabbit hole dove so deep that i questioned my own sexuality bc i thought a woman would never want to be with a piece of shit like me and that there is no hope. This led to my ultimate demise bc this questioning of my own being led me to become more socially awkward/anti social...to the point of not trusting my friends anymore and becoming very internally dominated when out in public/social environments and it has made conversations and interactions the most difficult it has ever been, even with close family. My friends began to tell me that maybe i am gay/bisexual bc of that conclusion i went to. But this never sat well with me and never felt right in my gut bc i have been straight all my life and have had girlfriends and sexual relationships as well. I was always socially awkward. I knew this conclusion arose due to my lack of self confidence and depression/anxiety making me draw the most radical conclusion. I began to build jelously and resent in myself bc of my lack of self confidence, anxiety and drug abuse. I always find myself overthinking, and analyzing everything. My friends have noticed this and have started treating me differently due to my vulnerability, such as not paying me back money they owed me for a while, treating/indirectly calling me stupid and childlike for what i have done (such as not being there during their anxiety attacks and general negative thinking) , etc. So this is my current condition. Heavily anxious, anti-social, and even more socially awkward. I find that i judge myself/others a lot, so i can start there by stopping the judging by simply being more observant and listening more than being interally dominated bc i know that creates negative patterns. However, a huge demon i am still fighting is the hormone monster, to put it in the most simplist of terms. Because of that one LSD trip when i questioned my sexuality bc of hopelessness, my anxious mind has not shut that door yet, mostly bc i have been in a dry spell with woman for quite some time now and my testosterone is high, essentially the darker side of my mind opens doors to “every sexual oppurtunity” even though i favor women. It is just that i have not had much experience with women and i always get really nervous when talking to them... maybe i have to try and not sexualize them as much and just have normal conversation.This drives me to have immense social anxiety with both men and women and leads me to eventually isolate myself from all interactions, including with friends and family. Thank you for reading this whoever you are! You are a champ! And any advice/thoughts are appreciated. Love you all!",-0.9977,negative,trusting 2139,depressed,Anti-social/social anxiety and extreme lack of self confidence is detrimental. Please help.,listener_1,2,"Dude, I'm 20 and you took a lot of words out of my mouth. Trying to stop smoking rn, now its really bad. I can't even talk to people like a normal person. It makes me antisocial. I am anti social because i've forgotten how to be social. I'm fucking lost.",-0.8514,negative,furious 2139,depressed,Anti-social/social anxiety and extreme lack of self confidence is detrimental. Please help.,listener_1,3,Re-read this and I connect even more. DM me if you need to talk. You can DM on reddit right?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2139,depressed,Anti-social/social anxiety and extreme lack of self confidence is detrimental. Please help.,speaker,4,Yeah you can. Its crazy how isolated you feel bc of being your head. Any advice on how to be more social and openly converse?,-0.3612,negative,questioning 2140,depressed,I think I just need to vent,speaker,1,"People say im pretty and talented yet I still hate everything about myself and most of my life. I used to have an ED freshman year but recovered physically and i feel even more disgusting now than i did before but i cant actually starve and get skinny bc im too depressed about other things so i eat to cope. Then i get sad that im eating so much so i take a lot of dxm and dph so i cant feel much. But then i wake up the next afternoon dumber and sadder than before so i just keep chasing that high. And i try to act like its ok bc its just OTC but its making me worse. I could probably try and quit and be more truthful with my therapist, despite the consequences, and get better but im to the point where i dont think im even willing to get better. If im not doing some kind of drug, im sad and have this bangin headache, and i feel like im so use to this sadness that its all im capable of. Its so easy to be in this loop no matter how much it harms me and how much i hate it. Does that even make sense?? Or am I actually fucking stupid?",-0.9609,negative,ashamed 2140,depressed,I think I just need to vent,listener_1,2,"What's your talent? Can you share some of that with me?I'm trying to distract myself right now, but I really want to know.",0.4853,positive,questioning 2140,depressed,I think I just need to vent,speaker,3,"Sorry i dont gave notifications, but im “good” at making art",-0.0387,neutral,sympathizing 2140,depressed,I think I just need to vent,listener_1,4,Its cool. What kind of art?,0.3182,positive,questioning 2140,depressed,I think I just need to vent,speaker,5,"Mostly draw people. Graphite and sometimes watercolor, gel pens, or something",0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2141,depressed,Rejected By Dream Job,speaker,1,"I had applied for a job that would be a stepping stone for my career in non-profit work...However, they require a drug test after I accept the offer, and I have a medical cannabis card. So, I think I am going to be rejected, and it broke me. I was so excited to accept the position, and then I saw the drug test aspect and I feel like it triggered my depression. This type of work is the only thing I want to do for a living, and I feel so depressed that my use of medical cannabis will get me rejected from most jobs. I know I have to get over it and keep pushing through rejection and pain, but I think I’m just going to give up and work fast food again...idk i don’t see any hope for a job like this that won’t discriminate against my medical cannabis use.",0.0565,positive,devastated 2141,depressed,Rejected By Dream Job,listener_1,2,Yo man don’t give up. Find a similar job to it. Even when life seems the toughest it leads into a cleaner stretch of land. I lost my gf a while back it hurt man it prob won’t stop hurting but you gotta make steps to go forward into life. Find a similar job protest why you can’t get a job. Make sure they understand how hard you’ve worked for this job. Also Don’t get your hopes entirely dashed. Lowered yes. But not entirely as their is still a chance,0.5759,positive,faithful 2141,depressed,Rejected By Dream Job,speaker,3,"Thank you, I really appreciate your comment. I’ll keep looking for jobs. I’m sorry about your gf...",0.6361,positive,sympathizing 2141,depressed,Rejected By Dream Job,listener_1,4,Don’t be it was kn the downhill man lol,0.4215,positive,neutral 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,1,"Hello all I have been dealing with a bad breakup caused by my issues with depression and anxiety for the last week. Well, we broke up before last Christmas, but I'm really felling the affects of it now. Idk I guess I just want to talk with anyone right now to distract myself.",-0.8047,negative,lonely 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_1,2,I'm here to talk and listen if you want an ear.,0.0772,positive,caring 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,3,Yeah maybe later. I hound a gym today and I'm working out to forget.,0.0772,positive,suggesting 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,4,Ya but distractions help push off the pain,-0.5267,negative,neutral 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,5,"He fuxking depressed how is that his fault. The partner should be trying to help him, not giving up that’s what a real partner does doesn’t stop till the end. Not give up on them",-0.7605,negative,disappointed 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,6,"I dealing with some emotional pain, so I don't have any other option.",-0.4019,negative,sad 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,7,"He did, I pushed him away and u really hurt him when I did.",-0.5709,negative,ashamed 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,8,Ya man j feel :(,-0.4404,negative,jealous 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,9,"Yeah I also have anxiety problrms as well, so that dosent help unpleasant thoughts",0.3535,positive,agreeing 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,10,"Tell me about it, trust no and push every one away",0.2732,positive,questioning 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,11,Damn,-0.4019,negative,angry 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,12,Kk I suppose that’s a reason but theming is even when people hurt you you gotta understand they are going through pain. Family does it and dating leads to family,-0.8519,negative,neutral 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,13,I know. I'm giving him some time and space right now. I just can't stop thinking about how I fucked up.,-0.276,negative,guilty 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,14,"Then don’t think about it, give him space but try to get him back. I numb my thoughts and pai. With music",-0.4767,negative,lonely 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,15,Yeah I have been rocking the 80's new wave.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,listener_2,16,Nixeeee got a favorite song?,0.4588,positive,questioning 2142,depressed,Trying to distract myself and deal with my depression,speaker,17,Safety Dance by Men Without Hats.,0.4215,positive,confident 2143,depressed,I'm Lost,speaker,1,"This is the first time I have ever posted anything like this so go easy on me. I feel lost and alone. My inability to show emotion in real life has led to the destruction of everything I care about. I'm in the process of divorce, changed jobs, and am completely blocking everyone out from my old life. I can't help but wish I could talk to my ex, but am unable to. She has been the only person I have really been myself around and have been with her since I was 16. I feel as though I left to make her life better, but am unable to understand myself and reasoning. I fake happiness constantly, but I think others are begging to catch on. Any advice is appreciated. I typically don't consider myself a depressed person, so I haven't learned to cope.",-0.0704,negative,lonely 2143,depressed,I'm Lost,listener_1,2,It’s a slow process. It really is. I still cant cope. I just stopped trying. I just use things to numb it. I’m just lost in my emotions. I’m lonely but at the same I want to be alone. At times I hate interaction. I’m lost in the world. I don’t now how to help you. You just find your own way. I still haven’t found mine.,-0.8765,negative,lonely 2143,depressed,I'm Lost,listener_2,3,I feel ya man,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2143,depressed,I'm Lost,listener_2,4,Ya I agree reaching out is the first step man to connect to the community make some more friends. Friends help me when I’m depressed don’t fake happiness let your friends drive it,0.9237,positive,agreeing 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,speaker,1,"Today my coworkers all met up again out of work to hangout, planning and talking about it even though i was right there and not invited. My department isnt large. I know theres a group chat and im not in it. Ive put some thought into it; as far as i know, no one outright dislikes me but all they see of me is how i am at work; drained, down, distant and negative. I wasnt always like this, but thats all they know of me. And i get it, why invite rain to your parade. I wasnt always like this.",-0.9346,negative,lonely 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,listener_1,2,Tell them that. Maybe even go as far to reach out and invite them to your house or out or the park for a walk. If you are negative you gotta change your attitude idk how. Maybe more sleep take a vacation. Find a passion. Something to motivate you to happiness you know?,0.7003,positive,suggesting 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,speaker,3,"Im really sorry if this is a bother, but i want to vent without putting anew post on the same issue. My coworker sent me a snap of him and another worker hanging out. I replied with "" TFTI :/ "" I know that passive aggressiveness wins no favors, it was a spur in the moment reply. All he did was screen shot it and then never reply back. I think i managed to fuck up my situation worse and i worry about him screenshotting it.",-0.9428,negative,ashamed 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,speaker,4,"Ive done the effort of inviting them to go rockwall climbing. Its the only hobby i have. Im glad a few of them have gone, but not much has changed. I know i have to change before the situation does but man, seeing and hearing all the stories of the events im missing out really sucks.",-0.5913,negative,disappointed 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,listener_1,5,I feel ya one of my Friends gets picked on the thing that made us stop was telling us. You can change ya but the question is how,0.1154,positive,sad 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,listener_1,6,I’m also a little tired as I ran so idk but that’s my best advise I think,0.6771,positive,neutral 2144,depressed,I miss who I used to be.,listener_1,7,No bother passive aggressive doesn’t work but you should try to apologize and explain your situation maybe if they’re kind otherwise you need to get a friend in your work place that has connections so you can explain the situation and get in better graces. You didn’t fuck it up you merely made a mistake everyone makes mistakes some cost more than others the world is the ones that fucks it up.,0.3447,positive,suggesting 2145,depressed,Always being left behind,speaker,1,"My good friend and roommate is moving out and it’s killing me a bit. He will be heading off to a year deployment and I can’t say goodbyes I am stuck on a long business trip in Tokyo. It’s really leading to me be low, especially as he is not the best at texting or communicating when we are apart. We are just friends but I feel alone as he hasn’t text and am falling in a downward spiral of doubt about how much our friendship means to him. Sadly it’s not the first this has happened with friends. Always feel left behind and forgotten.",-0.674,negative,lonely 2145,depressed,Always being left behind,listener_1,2,"Hey man, I got you, this has happened to My friends sis. You have a couple routes of action 1. Take action: take measures to ensure you talk to your friend ask about it and how Much your friendship means 2. No action: just deal with it the most painful Way but the easiest way 3.idk I mainly just want to tell you you aren’t alone man you got this subreddit I recommend r/discordservers Bc there is a lot of small groups where you can hit it up with some people get to know them and get more friends man. Bc if you stay In contact with this friend you got a good chance but if you don’t he most likely will move on :( meaning you gotta reach out. r/social skills helps with that if want more advice",0.9784,positive,agreeing 2145,depressed,Always being left behind,listener_2,3,Seconded.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",speaker,1,Its all I ever seem to do. Every day,0.0,neutral,content 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",listener_1,2,"Hey ""fuckup"" , my dad usually call me disappointment , nice to meet you",-0.128,negative,sympathizing 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",listener_2,3,"Wow, hey disappointment I’m mistake",-0.2263,negative,sympathizing 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",listener_3,4,"Hey guys, failure here.",-0.5106,negative,devastated 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",listener_1,5,"Well , the whole gang is here",0.2732,positive,excited 2146,depressed,"I should just change my name to ""Fuckup""",listener_3,6,Username checks out,0.0,neutral,angry 2147,depressed,I wish I could stop crying about everything,speaker,1,"I hate myself for being so sensitive, jealous, and honestly just a crazy girlfriend. I want to just be normal. Depression makes relationships so difficult. I wish I had someone else other than him to talk to when he won’t be there.",-0.8766,negative,lonely 2148,depressed,Sleep is for the weak,speaker,1,"I have lost myself, It’s been years since I felt like I knew who I was. Every attempt towards a goal is half assed. I take no pride in myself. I am married and my partner is so loving, patient and supportive but it makes me feel terrible to know that I weigh on them so heavily. I sleep away so many hours of my life. When I’m awake I am so saddened by my loneliness and feeling of just being lost. I think of suicide but I feel like I’m disallowed. I just can’t find beauty in this world anymore. Everything is so heavy and I am so light. Ethereal. No one notices when I’m coming or going. I never receive calls or texts. I am just a background person. Why can’t I just get out of the way? Why is it so wrong to make the conscious decision to go ahead and die? I’m in so much emotional pain. It’s the humane thing to do. But since I can’t, I sleep. Hours and hours. I go to work with sheet lines on my face and then I come home and collapse back into my cushioned pit. Days are gone. Just gone. And I wish I could be too.",-0.9866,negative,ashamed 2148,depressed,Sleep is for the weak,listener_1,2,By the looks of things you've lost motivation to do anything and you need a break from your life. I'd suggest going on a trip somewhere uot of your continent. Yes. Out of your continent. Maybe japan. Yeah. Visit japan for a few weeks. Or maybe try and go on a journey like climbing mountains and going to a rural area. Also do u know who seán is?,0.7579,positive,suggesting 2148,depressed,Sleep is for the weak,speaker,3,No? But thanks for trying to name drop someone’s suicidal post.,-0.7227,negative,questioning 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,speaker,1,I’m 18 and just graduated high school. I have never had sex or really had a girlfriend or anything. I made out with a girl at a party once when I was 16 but that was it. Most of my friends have had sex or at least had a girl interested in them. Besides the girl I made out with (she isn’t interested in me anymore either) no girl has ever really shown interest in me and I haven’t had many meaningful relationships with women outside my family. I feel pretty satisfied with much of my life. I have many friends and a good family. Much of the year I was able to focus on other things besides girls but with college approaching I feel extremely anxious that I will be deemed weird because I haven’t had sex yet when many people probably have. It really makes me insecure and sad to think that I can’t connect to women like my friends or other men can. This isn’t something I’d do anything drastic over right now but I’m worried that I’ll never have sex or a girlfriend and it will follow me later into my life and I’ll wind up alone forever. I have a pretty good number of friends. My close friends are all guys. I wouldn’t say I’m bad looking but I’m not the most attractive guy ever. I’m like 6’2 and a half and I weigh 215 pounds. I’d like to lose like 15 or 20 pounds but I workout every day by lifting and running and I try to eat healthy. I take care of myself. I shower and use deodorant and brush my teeth. I’ve been told that I’m very funny and interesting. I feel like I have a lot going for me but it seems like any girl I’ve been interested in doesn’t feel the same way. I have a hard time starting conversations with girls that I don’t really know over Snapchat or instagram or whatever and I usually have to talk to them in real life first but even then it seems like I go nowhere. I’m not creepy or anything and I have a lot of respect for peoples personal space. Like if I get ignored or whatever I get the idea and I’ll leave them alone. I know that this isn’t as serious of an issue compared to what many of the people on r/depressed are going through but it really has taken a mental toll on me and it is a serious insecurity for me which has caused some serious bouts of depression. I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in my life about it besides my best friend but even then he wasn’t much help. He just told me it wasn’t a big deal but for me it is. He doesn’t really understand how I feel because he’s had a lot of relationships with many girls throughout high school and lost his virginity when he was like 15. I would appreciate any advice and again I’m sorry if this seems stupid or whiny but it’s really hurt my self image and impacted me in a negative way. Thanks.,0.9967,positive,faithful 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,listener_1,2,"Hey, me too man. I can relate %100. I’m fat but the horrible part about that is that I have an friend who is fat too and he got a hot girlfriend. So if you ever want to rant or complain, you can DM me.",-0.7469,negative,agreeing 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,speaker,3,Thanks a lot I appreciate it. It’s really frustrating to see people in similar situations doing a lot better,0.6494,positive,acknowledging 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,speaker,4,Thanks that makes me feel a lot better. It’s a lot easier to anonymously talk about my problems online than it is for me to talk to people I know and I appreciate the support.,0.8834,positive,grateful 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,speaker,5,Thanks that makes me feel a lot better. It’s a lot easier to anonymously talk about my problems online than it is for me to talk to people I know and I appreciate the support.,0.8834,positive,grateful 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,listener_2,6,Any time. PM me if you need to talk to a stranger knowing that it wont effect your relationship with anyone you know.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,listener_1,7,"And remember, you can always talk to me.",0.0,neutral,questioning 2149,depressed,Extremely insecure and depressed about never having had a girlfriend or sex,speaker,8,I am really sorry to hear that. I guess I still do have time . It makes me feel better to know that I’m not completely alone in that way despite most of my friends making me feel like I am alone in that sense (even though they don’t mean to),0.7979999999999999,positive,sympathizing 2150,depressed,My sad life...,speaker,1,"I made a to do list for my day off and ended up getting called into work. I definitely drank, at work. Got wasted before my shift ended... [https://imgur.com/4WjZZw8](https://imgur.com/4WjZZw8)",-0.128,negative,ashamed 2150,depressed,My sad life...,listener_1,2,Man your just going through a rough patch you got this. Talk to your friends about this hang out with them more. Get someone to help you with your drinking problem,0.4767,positive,trusting 2150,depressed,My sad life...,speaker,3,"Thank you. I only have a few friends in the town I live in and they're alcoholics other than 1. My only sober friend is two hours away and can't make the drive because his vehicle isn't too reliable. I visit him when I can and it is beneficial to my mental health. I saw a therapist last week that recommended a script for anxiety but I'm afraid I will become dependent. I used to smoke when I had a med card to combat my anxiety. Since I couldn't afford to renew my med card it makes me super paranoid to smoke now as I'm afraid of being arrested. My therapist also recommended I go out more and develop healthy relationships, I think that will be the turning point. I just have to gain the courage to go out and meet new people. I'm anti-social and come off as awkward since I'm not much of a talker.",0.9392,positive,trusting 2150,depressed,My sad life...,listener_1,4,Ya man go out there to meet people I recommend going r/discordservers there’s lot of people posting new servers for you to explore and meet people. And if you like them enough you could make them in real life. It’s a good stepz,0.7845,positive,acknowledging 2150,depressed,My sad life...,listener_2,5,"Here's a sneak peek of /r/discordservers using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/discordservers/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [\[PSA\] Guilded.gg is a great community for guild/team management, so they've joined our list of notable websites!](https://np.reddit.com/r/discordservers/comments/9ryi40/psa_guildedgg_is_a_great_community_for_guildteam/) \#2: [\[PSA\] For your safety, our rules now reflect our concerns regarding ""free cash,"" prize, and ""get rich quick"" servers.](https://np.reddit.com/r/discordservers/comments/aahadt/psa_for_your_safety_our_rules_now_reflect_our/) \#3: [\[PSA\] Monthly ""Find-a-Server"" post - Find and share specific genre servers here! (July)](https://np.reddit.com/r/discordservers/comments/c7ntsb/psa_monthly_findaserver_post_find_and_share/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| [^^Contact ^^me](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| [^^Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| [^^Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/afd0dd/blacklist/)",0.9696,positive,impressed 2150,depressed,My sad life...,speaker,6,"I will definitely be checking out discord, wonderful recommendation. I greatly appreciate it. I know I have a lot to work on, I don't want to resort to meds to take control of my mental health. I enjoy photography and plan on posting my pics soon. I have yet to make a portfolio due to my lack of motivation but I'm finally at a point where I'm accepting my faults and am trying to change. Im glad I finally made a post. Thank you for your insight.",0.8976,positive,grateful 2150,depressed,My sad life...,listener_1,7,Ya my pleasure,0.5719,positive,joyful 2151,depressed,I was excitedly waiting for something,speaker,1,"for a while, and when the time came, it didn't turn out as it was supposed to :( I am so upset",-0.7404,negative,devastated 2151,depressed,I was excitedly waiting for something,listener_1,2,"When something does not happen when you expect it to, you are getting something better or its not the right time to give that thing to you.",0.4404,positive,disappointed 2151,depressed,I was excitedly waiting for something,speaker,3,"do you truly beieve this? (I'm not fighting, just curious)",0.4675,positive,questioning 2151,depressed,I was excitedly waiting for something,listener_1,4,I most times believe this. But the other times it does not happen and i try to find reasoning i just cant get myself to justify it.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2151,depressed,I was excitedly waiting for something,speaker,5,thanks for your answer :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2152,depressed,Depression loves company,speaker,1,"I’ve always been great at helping others out with their problems but I’ve never been able to work through mine. But anyway, what I want to say is that if you have a problem or need to rant then you can always DM me. I will always answer unless I’m sleeping. I’ll always listen and sometimes be able to give advice.",-0.5994,negative,caring 2152,depressed,Depression loves company,listener_1,2,Same here man,0.0,neutral,jealous 2152,depressed,Depression loves company,speaker,3,"I’ve found that it’s not because they don’t care about you, it that they’ve never been on the receiving end of the problems. It’s not that they don’t care about you it’s that they don’t know how to help because they’ve never had to, or they don’t even realize when it’s there.",0.7506,positive,disappointed 2152,depressed,Depression loves company,listener_2,4,"Eh I’m not sure if it’s cause they don’t know how to respond. It’s more like - your life is good, you have no reason to feel how you do, so I’ll talk about how much worse I have it so you can know that your problems don’t matter. And some of them have pretty much said as much to me when I try and open up to them",0.008,neutral,trusting 2152,depressed,Depression loves company,speaker,5,"Screw them! That’s like you being sick and them saying, this house is clean so you have no reason to be sick so we won’t help you! They’re jag weeds.",-0.4374,negative,angry 2153,depressed,I dont have a place where i belong,speaker,1,"I know that because whenever i walk in school, i see faces gleaming with smiles. Looking forward towards the rest of their day, excited of what the future may hold. Where friendships are pure & life was much more simpler. Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow i will be giving the same face. A straight poker face & I cant help but to feel “how nice would it be, if i just appreciate things just like them?” But i honestly cant. I don’t have friends, money or anything. I tend to rely more on my S/O. But deep down i know we cant be together forever. With my flaws, you’d definitely find someone all over again, you’d leave me alone. & that’s the breaking points. I dont think i can take that. Yet I know, i belong nowhere. If you ever leave me. I belong nowhere. & i honestly just want a place. Somewhere.",0.9698,positive,jealous 2153,depressed,I dont have a place where i belong,listener_1,2,Have you considered sharing this with your SO? I'm dealing with a breakup right now that was caused by my inability to share my feeling and what I was dealing with. Idk I don't want what happened to me happen to anyone else.,0.29100000000000004,positive,trusting 2153,depressed,I dont have a place where i belong,speaker,3,"I dont... our rs are getting more plain, we’re both busy and i think he already knows that i rely on him a lot that’s why he’s been taking me for granted. I really have no idea what I’m going to do if i lose him. Because i threw away everything for him & i feel that i dont belong anywhere. Nor fit in anywhere",-0.6472,negative,lonely 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,1,"Every time I go to the doctor they inevitably ask ""when was the last time you thought about killing yourself."" I usually say ""I always think about killing myself,"" to which they are unsatisfied and repeat the question. It's like they don't understand the constant nature of chronic suicidal ideation. It is always there, sometimes less present than others, but it is always there. I pass a tall building, I check to see if there are accessible balconies. I see rope at the hardware store, I wonder if it will hold my body weight. It is so present I don't remember when it happened ""last"" and the question doesn't really make sense because it is always there. It is like asking a happy person ""When is the last time you thought about wanting to be alive.""",0.6652,positive,apprehensive 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_1,2,Havent been to the doctors yet. Am not planning to but i know i have depression. I dont need a valid certificate from somwone saying i have depression. On the other side. I have done my research about the symptoms and causes of depression and have fit into almost all of the criteria listed in it. Research was done from multiple websites including the official NHS page. (Its the UK health service) named national health service (NHS),-0.9313,negative,confident 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,3,Why don't you want to go to a doctor?,-0.0572,negative,questioning 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_2,4,Yeah I paid a lot of money for some dude with a certificate to tell me things I already know about my depression. Waste of 30min and in the end I realized I'm only paying him to give me my prescription because beyond that he had nothing new to offer,-0.6486,negative,disappointed 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_3,5, 3 minutes ago,0.0,neutral,content 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,6,"Luckily, my treatment team has acknowledged that I'm chronically suicidal. Inpatient only comes up when I'm ""actively planning"". I've even gone so far as to distinguish between ""investigational research into suicide methods"" (ie. googling stuff/reading forums) and ""active planning"" (ie. buying supplies). Unfortunately, most providers aren't comfortable with this level of honest. And they need to cover their asses in case a patient actually does commit suicide.",-0.7944,negative,trusting 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,7,Do the meds help you?,0.4019,positive,questioning 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,8,"For me, the fake bubble of happy saps the little bit of energy I do have.",0.3477,positive,sad 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_1,9,I want to go to the doctors to get myaelf checked up without my family knowing. At the moment if i book an appointment they'll know. And i know i wont ever get a chance to do so.,0.3182,positive,apprehensive 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_2,10,"I thought they did but people around me said I was much worse. Though I can't rule it out because, at the time, I was in an abusive relationship. I am not on any now and I am still the same",-0.899,negative,neutral 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_4,11,"Yes, maybe thats what happened to me today, just felt like I was failing at life in every aspect. I swear I could sleep for days at this point.",0.1779,positive,disappointed 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,12,What did you think was better? And what did they think was worse?,-0.1431,negative,questioning 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,13,"I struggle with this one too. Questions about being less interested than in the past. What if I was just never really interested? I usually just tell them it isn't worse than my normal, just worse than most people's normal.",-0.443,negative,embarrassed 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_2,14,I felt I was more free from what was going on in my head. I thought I was less suicidal but my family thought it had gotten worse and my mood was totally whacked but I take that with a grain of salt since they didn't help me and their perception on this sort of things is limited.,-0.8656,negative,trusting 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,15,Sometimes it takes me a couple days to recover from even small social interactions that require smiling and talking.,0.4588,positive,anxious 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,16,"I've definitely looked better but felt worse on some meds. And felt better but looked worse on others. Unfortunately, people tend to want to keep taking the ""look better but feel worse"" meds.",-0.6808,negative,agreeing 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",speaker,17,"Yeah, I hope that you find something that works for you.",0.6249,positive,consoling 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_5,18,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 2154,depressed,"""When was the last time you thought about killing yourself""",listener_6,19,*sighs*,0.0,neutral,sad 2155,depressed,"I'm not sure I'm depressed, but I definitely hate myself.",speaker,1,"It's unfortunate to hate yourself, but I don't know what to do about it. By most standards, I have an incredible life. Wife, dog, house, great job, I've traveled a ton, some close friends, most of what you'd enjoy. I'm the ""funny"" one. I'm very good at my job. However I always come back to how pathetic I think I am. I'm fairly certain I'm merely acting out a facade others want to see. The impression of success. I wish I could change but I'm not even sure what I would change into. I feel like I can't talk to anybody about this because I honestly don't even know what it's about. I feel lost. Hopeless. And most of all, shame for feeing so shitty given all I've been afforded in life. It's a circle of hating myself mixed with feeling bad for hating myself. I have the keys to my life and I'm too much of a coward to do anything about it, whatever ""it"" even is. I imagine others can relate, I'm not unique, we all have self doubt and self pity to an extent. I just can't seem to shake the feeling of being a fraud. I need to quit drinking. I need to gain my self control back. I need to do so many things, but fuck it. This is who I am I guess. Anyway, I just wanted to get this off my chest. I have people I can talk to, but I'm afraid they'll think less of me. ""Real friends won't think less of you,"" I know, I know.",-0.8337,negative,ashamed 2155,depressed,"I'm not sure I'm depressed, but I definitely hate myself.",listener_1,2,Talk to a stranger who can relate and feels exactly the same as you. Me. Trying to get things fixed got me no where in life and just made me depressed. I was trying to fix a relationship that was just not working and in the process ruined another one. After that i just gave up. Fuck it. No one cares about me so why should i? Its my mentality now and its probably gonna stay that way. But if you dont wanna ruin any relationships with anyone of your close friends or people you know then just talk to a stranger. The people here know your story and wont judge you.,0.2187,positive,lonely 2155,depressed,"I'm not sure I'm depressed, but I definitely hate myself.",listener_1,3,PM me if you need to talk.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2156,depressed,Anyone else get really bad anger outbursts after suicide attempt?,speaker,1,Was really low the yesterday. Got really drunk and tried at my arm. Passed out. Woke up to find out I failed. Now the smallest mistakes like dropping food sets me off bad. Anyone else been like this?,-0.855,negative,embarrassed 2156,depressed,Anyone else get really bad anger outbursts after suicide attempt?,listener_1,2,Haven't tried to kill myself but i do get angry at the most ridiculous of things such as stated above. I dont really know why but i just want people to leave me be and do what i want to do.,-0.7328,negative,furious 2156,depressed,Anyone else get really bad anger outbursts after suicide attempt?,listener_2,3,"Yep. When someone makes a mildly annoying comment or question, it feels like they just punched me in the face.",0.25,positive,annoyed 2156,depressed,Anyone else get really bad anger outbursts after suicide attempt?,listener_1,4,Yep. Agreed.,0.5106,positive,agreeing 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,speaker,1,For every small victory there's always another major loss around the corner for me. Eat well and workout one day? Mental breakdown with a fat helping of binge eating. Be social and hangout with old friends? Panic attack at night because I still feel so lonely. Someone shows interest in me? Break down crying when I get home because I still have feelings for my ex who I think about daily. And it just goes on and on; the neverending personal hell that is my life. I constantly make goals and then fail them over and over again making no progress at all. I see other people my age off having great lives in college or the military. Meanwhile I'm stuck in the same little town procrastinating and miserable. It's unbearable. Dark thoughts are starting to cloud my mind more and more often nowadays. I just want to be fucking happy and successful. Damn it all.,-0.8847,negative,sad 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,listener_1,2,"I wanna write a post on reddit those days, but actually this one is perfect. Well you know you're not alone now! I hope someone will be able to tell us the right things :) Why is that so hard to be happy when in a depressed mood, while it is so easy when you're in a good mood.",0.9803,positive,surprised 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,speaker,3,"Thank you a lot, I really appreciate it. I wish it was a lot easier to be happy too. I hope things get better for you. I get how rough it is.",0.9612,positive,sympathizing 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,speaker,4,Thank you for the nice comment. I'm sorry you're going through a lot too. I really hope things get better for you.,0.8777,positive,sympathizing 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,listener_2,5,If you ever wanna talk about your peoblwm i am always open,0.0,neutral,questioning 2157,depressed,Hard to keep fighting.,speaker,6,"Thanks dude, same to you.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2158,depressed,is it weird,speaker,1,is it weird i wanna find a depressed guy so we can be depressed together and just lay in bed all fucking day and be sad together.,-0.8859999999999999,negative,lonely 2158,depressed,is it weird,listener_1,2,Nah. It's always good having someone who can talk about meaning of life and existential crisis.,-0.3818,negative,acknowledging 2158,depressed,is it weird,listener_2,3,and sometimes not talk at all. we could bask in the darkness together. Sounds lovely.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 2158,depressed,is it weird,listener_3,4,This,0.0,neutral,impressed 2158,depressed,is it weird,speaker,5,honestly,0.4588,positive,agreeing 2158,depressed,is it weird,speaker,6,exactly,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2158,depressed,is it weird,speaker,7,yea i want someone who just gets it,0.0772,positive,jealous 2158,depressed,is it weird,speaker,8,😭😭 yes.,-0.5423,negative,agreeing 2158,depressed,is it weird,listener_2,9,We hope for the best. 乁 ˘ o ˘ ㄏ,0.7964,positive,consoling 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",speaker,1,"The cleanliness of my room has been a problem for 3 years, it isn't a couple of clothes either, it's old mugs, to go boxes, trash, plates with old food, ALL of my clothes, and who knows what else. It is beyond unhealthy, and is embaressing to see, I get a wave of disappointment and anger every time I step in it. Anyways. I'm cleaning it today. I'm asking how you all keep your room clean, or atleast not vomit inducingly gross? I'll buy anything, or try any ideas, because I can't stand it anymore. I haven't cleaned it in 2 months, and I didn't even clean it that go around, it was my sister. Please guys, don't let me let my room go back to it's usual state, I'm so so tired of hating myself everytime I come home, and I don't have any friends that wouldn't make me feel worse rather than help. Thanks in advance.",-0.9478,negative,disgusted 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",listener_1,2,"I normally start with all the clothes cause its the most problematic in my room. I throw all the clothes to one side and just start sorting all the other stuff out like containers and boxes. So have a corner or section of clothes and then a section of containers and so on. When that is all done, figure out what needs to go in the kitchen for either washing or throwing away. Take that stuff out and into the kitchen. This may take a few trips. After that all you should have left are clothes and a untidy bed. Split your clothes in 2 different sections. Clean and dirty. Then throw the dirty ones away in the washing machine. After that put all the clean clothes in order inside your cupboard. Finally make your bed in the end and then just relax.",0.204,positive,prepared 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",speaker,3,"Thank you! 80% of my room is covered in clothes as well, so this seems like a good system for me as well! I think at this point, I may have to wash all of my clothes, because my room is so dirty, they may be just as dirty despite me never wearing them",0.6493,positive,acknowledging 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",listener_1,4,Should take an hour to do.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",listener_1,5,If your unsure the clothes are dirty or not just wash them. Better to be safe and clean than smelly.,0.5574,positive,apprehensive 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",speaker,6,"I have, but will remember to always do that first! It does help a lot, and it feels really bad when you mess it up again, thank you!",-0.4979,negative,neutral 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",speaker,7,"I love this! Thank you! The breaks in between are a must for me, though I don't quite get why I need them",0.8252,positive,acknowledging 2159,depressed,"My room is disgusting, and I've decided to clean it, please HELP ME .",listener_2,8,"You’re welcome. The breaks are necessary for everyone. Otherwise the monotony starts making the chore seem like drudgery, and you hate it, and give up. Take as many breaks as you need, but be strict in the timing. Set a timer or make an end goal (only 1 game of Fortnight, 1 chapter of the book). It makes you feel like you are cheating /getting away with not working, boosts morale a bit. The snack part is crucial! Set goals on the cleaning.. I’m not going to bed until I’ve “picked up all my clothes” or “put away all the dishes”. It will eventually become habit. (Eventually meaning months down the road)",-0.6105,negative,prepared 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,speaker,1,"I have a beautiful daughter now. She's adorable and makes everyone laugh and smile. I can barely provide for me, let alone her. How do people do this with no extended family? How am I supposed to get out of this hole? Mentally and emotionally and financially I'm drained. Every job wants experience or degrees and I'm telling years! I haven't worked for over a decade. How am I supposed to work while at home raising a toddler? Why can't 10+ years of depression be my job experience? I'm at a loss. Anyone got a cheat sheet I can peak at?",-0.4122,negative,sad 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,listener_1,2,Would you consider serving? I make $100$200 working a double so you could possibly do that some days!,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,speaker,3,"Is this a bring your toddler type deal? I'll consider anything. I just don't know who could watch her. I don't have any friends or family, and I can barely pay my current bills.",-0.3941,negative,lonely 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,listener_1,4,You can hire a baby sitter on care.com,0.0,neutral,caring 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,speaker,5,Thank you for this.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2160,depressed,I need to snap out of it...,speaker,6,"Sorry, no. I'm already a bit of a mess.",-0.4215,negative,sympathizing 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,speaker,1,"My partner is killing me with his attitude towards substances. He gets mad at me for pills and alcohol and then goes and drinks and smokes weed. I understand if he doesn't want me to do to myself what he does to himself, but that's stupid as hell. The same reason he needs is the same reason I need it. It's just annoying that it's so wrong for me but necessary for him.",-0.9757,negative,angry 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,listener_1,2,Most Pills are a lot worse than weed. Please don’t do pills - ex pill addict,-0.2023,negative,disgusted 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,speaker,3,"I'm trying to wean off. I don't wanna rely on things to get through every day, but life is also still shitty rn. I don't know how to figure out how to be okay with the way things are and not turn to substances.",-0.5499,negative,lonely 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,listener_2,4,"Even if you have to use weed to get off the pills, do what you have to do. It's not nearly close in the damage it does to your lives. I used to be hard on benzos and it almost ended my life. I smoke weed all the time now, no pills or coke, and my life is great. I know where he is coming from with the pills. The drinking thing doesn't make sense if he is telling you to stop while doing it himself. Maybe try and talk it out and do a drinking hiatus together for awhile and see how it goes?",-0.4404,negative,trusting 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,speaker,5,"I'm nervous to confront him about how his concern makes me feel, but I have to. I'll muster the courage to just throw it out there and be honest. About weed, I have bad anxiety and I've been told it can make that worse?",-0.4767,negative,apprehensive 2161,depressed,The double standard of substance abuse,listener_2,6,"Some people argue that different strains have different effects. It also effects everyone differently but it's always worth a try. I moved far from home to a legal state so I could stop doing drugs while having access to whatever kind of cannabis I want. I seek out indica most of the time because it levels out my anxiety. I smoke multiple times a day and from my experience was extremely helpful for my mental state. The first few months after coming off pills I just felt anxious and awful in general but it goes away. I think you should be honest with your partner. No use in feeling like that all the time. I think if you tell him you want to try to better yourself he should be receptive. And if he's not then that's not a person you should deal with. I know everyone's experiences is different with cannabis but I can say it was a huge factor in saving my life. It helped get me to where I'm at today, without pills, and mostly happy other then the things we can't really help sometimes like money.",0.9496,positive,anxious 2162,depressed,My brain won't shut up,speaker,1,I know your hiding things. I'm too much of a coward to make the proper choice for me. I just want honesty and transparency. I know when your lying but can't fight back to prove otherwise. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep doing this. I hate myself. Sorry to rant,-0.8546,negative,ashamed 2162,depressed,My brain won't shut up,listener_1,2,That's.....why your here. This is meant to be a place where you rant so no need to apologise. My brain does that too. Just telling me how i've messes up and can't fix anything cause i'm stupid and all. To try and stop it from talking i just listen to music constantly. My current playlist consists of lo-fi hiphop/ jazzhop,-0.8056,negative,embarrassed 2162,depressed,My brain won't shut up,speaker,3,Used to work....not anymore,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2162,depressed,My brain won't shut up,listener_1,4,Intresting. This implies that music one day will have no effect on me.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,apprehensive 2163,depressed,"depressed people, what do you do to look after yourself or make yourself feel a little better?",speaker,1,"I won’t make this a long post, I’m obviously on this forum because I am also depressed. I was just wondering what you all do to make things a bit easier or to care for yourself. Things have gotten to the stage where I consider actually having a shower as a “productive day” other than that, I don’t do much apart from go to work 3 days a week and hide in bed. Any suggestions or ideas would be appreciated and I’m sorry you’re all feeling shitty too!",0.2942,positive,suggesting 2163,depressed,"depressed people, what do you do to look after yourself or make yourself feel a little better?",listener_1,2,I’m still trying to figure that out myself. But just remember completing even the smallest of tasks is considered a win.,0.7351,positive,neutral 2163,depressed,"depressed people, what do you do to look after yourself or make yourself feel a little better?",listener_2,3,This is a game changer.,0.0,neutral,surprised 2163,depressed,"depressed people, what do you do to look after yourself or make yourself feel a little better?",listener_3,4,"Listening to interesting podcasts made my walks more enjoyable. Now, I yearn for it at evenings.",0.7089,positive,nostalgic 2164,depressed,Music.,speaker,1,Anyone else find that even the music they listen to is depressing as hell? On one hand I love it because those kind of songs express how I feel mentally and physically. On the other hand though I feel like maybe listening to depressing music is not a good thing to do if you're already depressed and miserable.,-0.6814,negative,sad 2164,depressed,Music.,listener_1,2,i can barely listen to a lot of the songs i used to like because the lyrics make me feel really bad about myself.,-0.3167,negative,sad 2164,depressed,Music.,speaker,3,"Same man, hope things get better for you soon",0.7003,positive,consoling 2164,depressed,Music.,listener_1,4,"thanks, you too",0.4404,positive,agreeing 2164,depressed,Music.,speaker,5,"Really nice conclusion, sums it up really well and is a good point. I listen to a lot of lo-fi playlists too when I'm trying to sleep or just need something playing in the background.",0.8476,positive,acknowledging 2164,depressed,Music.,listener_2,6,Cant sleep at all without it. And when i do sleep; i only sleep for 4 hours max.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2164,depressed,Music.,speaker,7,I feel you there. It's hard for me to even fall asleep and when I do I barely sleep for long. I've tried a few different sleep aids and they help me fall asleep but I still don't stay asleep.,0.1655,positive,acknowledging 2164,depressed,Music.,speaker,8,"I've been listening to it for the last few hours. It's a beautiful playlist, thank you for sharing. Came at just the right time, been having an awful morning. I appreciate it a lot.",0.836,positive,grateful 2164,depressed,Music.,listener_3,9,"I'm sorry you've had an awful morning, but very glad the music is helping. Hang in there. Remember also to take off your shoes and step outside and feel the ground touching your bare feet. I hope you will feel better soon...",0.9299,positive,sympathizing 2165,depressed,I feel suffocated.,speaker,1,I feel like I can’t breathe. That no matter how hard I try to move forward I’m stuck in the same spot. That no matter how I try to fix things they’ll stay the way they are. I feel so misunderstood. I just feel so alone.,-0.6985,negative,lonely 2165,depressed,I feel suffocated.,listener_1,2,"You are never alone mate, and I see some solutions from escaping failures on Google. Why don't you give it a shot?",-0.0926,negative,questioning 2165,depressed,I feel suffocated.,listener_2,3,Don't hold back: what did you find on the searchengineofyourchoice?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2165,depressed,I feel suffocated.,listener_1,4,"Idk I briefly saw like '10 reaons why you are failing' and stuff, not sure at all but seems helpful. Well google is sometimes inaccurate so ij personally recommend a therapist but it's kinda challenging to hypochondriacs so thats why I prefered Google at the first place. Metting a therapist is the best tho",0.9449,positive,neutral 2166,depressed,I feel like I have no one to talk to,speaker,1,"I opened up to my best friend about how much physical pain I'm actually in (i have multiple chronic pain conditions) and she freaked out, started calling my family and got everyone worked up about nothing. So now I feel like my trust was yourself betrayed and I can't talk to her about serious stuff anymore. I opened up to my boyfriend about our relationship and that worked out horribly (see post history if you're curious). Now I feel like I can't talk to him about our relationship. I feel like I have no one I can actually open up to. I keep trying to go to therapy but every one I call isn't taking new patients.",0.1027,positive,trusting 2166,depressed,I feel like I have no one to talk to,listener_1,2,Read books.. esp the secret by Rhonda Bryne,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2166,depressed,I feel like I have no one to talk to,listener_2,3,Why is 'the Secret' a solution to depression?,-0.34,negative,questioning 2166,depressed,I feel like I have no one to talk to,listener_1,4,Read it and you will thank me later.,0.3612,positive,neutral 2167,depressed,Worried about attending my friend’s future wedding,speaker,1,"A close friend of mine since middle school had brought up that her boyfriend has reconsidered his stance on marriage which means one day the proposal will happen and the wedding itself. Woo! But, what has me depressed is that we used to be part of a group of friends that I had left. One of them was my ex who betrayed my trust and was just becoming extremely toxic with his continual dependency on alcohol to make him feel better. The other friend was someone we all met in high school and was pretty great until she went to college and started drinking. Combine that with hanging out with my ex, and she wants to get drunk every time she’s with friends. Eventually, it got to a point where she too is drinking every day, and being around other people that drink a lot didn’t help. I ghosted those two, first my ex for cheating on me and how toxic he had become. Then, my ex tried to spin it to where he was the victim and those two forgave him to summarize it up. So, I ghosted all of them, but eventually reconnected with my middle school friend but ignored the other two for their drinking problems and other issues I had had that I won’t go into. Now, I’m worried drama is going to happen if I show up to the future wedding if she’s still in contact with the other two. I almost feel like I shouldn’t bother going but I want to be part of my friend’s wedding. I tried to make amends with the other girl but she’s content in ignoring me, which is understandable given the way I handled things years back with the situation. I just don’t know what to do...",0.9322,positive,sad 2167,depressed,Worried about attending my friend’s future wedding,listener_1,2,i've been in this situation before! and i did not attend the wedding... perhaps if i had taken a date it would have been less stressful for me & he would be like a buffer for the people i wanted to avoid. easier said than done i guess,0.0989,positive,suggesting 2167,depressed,Worried about attending my friend’s future wedding,speaker,3,I thought about bringing my current boyfriend along if we’re still together by then. I know I’m not willing to start drama but it’s not right for others to start shit especially at a wedding. I just don’t want to feel like it’s my fault that drama breaks out at a wedding,-0.6956,negative,apprehensive 2168,depressed,I feel Numb and I feel as if my only purpose is to get hurt by the people I love...,speaker,1,"Ok so first off I have Anxiety and Depression because of a past relationship that led to me being physically and emotionally abused but I was “in love” so I didn’t care but after a long 2 and a half years later I found out that my now Ex Boyfriend had been cheating on me for almost our whole relationship with my Ex best friend (My now best friends younger sister) so after I found that out I became depressed and by depressed I mean flat out cutting myself I mean I still do but that’s besides the point, My whole life I’ve been telling myself that “you will be hurt in your life just deal with it, it will make you stronger ” but oh boy was I wrong... so I’ve had this friend for a while and I felt like me and her were really close... I’m bi so it wasn’t so hard to believe that I would fall for her, I mean she was (and still probably is) really beautiful and kind hearted, but the thing that really broke my heart was finding out that she was a really religious person who thought that any form of “Gay People (including me) were sinners and shall be sent to the pits of hell” now I found that out when we met up at a mall and I was planning to ask her to be my girlfriend(now let me tell you that she kinda made me believe in love and was starting to help me get better with my anxiety and depression “situation”) when she started to tell me about her Gay brother and how she thought he was gross and that her family disowned him, and that really broke my heart so when I told her that I was Bi... she slapped me and told me that I would burn in hell... no hesitations...she just...slapped me. But you wanna know the real thing that really gave me that wonderful feeling of numbness... was when I found out that all of my friends, even the one who helped me end my abusive relationship... were just using me for free stuff...free gifts, free food, free clothes, and even after I would get them these things, they would still steal my clothes, food, electronics, money, and in the end... I felt nothing... now I just sit up in my room... listening to my depressing music... not sleeping, and cutting my self for entertainment... ya know in school, after my “friends” abandoned me I would get called names like slut,whore,mistake,dumb cunt,etc and I started cutting their nicknames of me into my arm instead of lines... now I have someone... he is the one who helped me end my relationship... he didn’t want to leave me but they told him that they would hurt his little brother so he had no choice, but at least I have someone, I still feel like shit but he is always there for me and has caught me trying to kill myself multiple amounts of times I still want to kill myself but for some reason, he makes me feel ok...and not in the way that I’m not really ok, but he makes me feel like I don’t need to care about the other things in my life... I feel like this is the same feeling I had with the over religious girl, so I’m not gonna try anything... I might post on here some more but I really hope that I just get murdered in my sleep already... 🔪+blood+😕+🕳=😷 happiness☠️☠️💀💀",0.9582,positive,devastated 2168,depressed,I feel Numb and I feel as if my only purpose is to get hurt by the people I love...,listener_1,2,Are you still self-harming?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2168,depressed,I feel Numb and I feel as if my only purpose is to get hurt by the people I love...,speaker,3,"I’m sorry about what happened to your friendship... and I am planning on not letting go, cause we have been friends now for a while and I just hope he won’t leave me too",0.8126,positive,sympathizing 2168,depressed,I feel Numb and I feel as if my only purpose is to get hurt by the people I love...,listener_2,4,"If he is the same as me, he wont let fo until you want him to and have to provide a good reason.",0.4939,positive,neutral 2168,depressed,I feel Numb and I feel as if my only purpose is to get hurt by the people I love...,speaker,5,Ok thank you very much but it’s kind of late where I am so have a good day,0.7647,positive,wishing 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",speaker,1,Help needed.,0.4019,positive,afraid 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",listener_1,2,Threw out my blade and started meds,0.0,neutral,prepared 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",speaker,3,"I was on meds but my therapist said ""you don't need them anymore"" and yet I'm fucked",-0.7964,negative,devastated 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",listener_1,4,If theres something actually wrong then you do need them,-0.4767,negative,agreeing 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",speaker,5,Well my parents and my therapist think I'm all fine and their word is a law so there is really nothing I can do.,0.4404,positive,trusting 2169,depressed,"You who have self harmed in some way, how did you managed to stop?",listener_1,6,Go to a doctor and see what they say,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2170,depressed,my story.,speaker,1,"I met a girl in january this year that i became friends with and as time went on I developed feelings for her that i shouldn't have as only 1 month had passed since i met her. February came about and i decided to tell her how i felt but didn't know how to do so. It wasn't pride, arrogancy or masculinity that was stopping me because i had lost all of that after i got my GCSE results. I had let everything go. I guessed that, because it was the first time i had developed these feelings for someone my brain didn't know what to do. The pressure of keeping that in and wheather i should tell her or not built up inside me so much that for the first time in my entire life i was having an anxiety attack. &#x200B; One day in february, while I was travelling in the bus (to home) with her, my brain just exploded with thoughts and questions about whether i should ask her out or not. During that time a soft voice just came into my head asking if I was ok? I knew it was her, but I didn't know what to answer. yes, no, maybe? I decided to tell her how i felt about her. She said she was flattered but needed some time to think and told me to ask this question again next week. So i left her alone for the week and didn't really do anything. I didn't know what was going to happen or if i had made the right decision. &#x200B; When that time came to ask her again, she had said no but also said that we could still be friends. I was fine with that because I already knew what her answer was going to be. I had probably rushed in too early. &#x200B; Everything was fine because she said we could be friends but the definition of ""friends"" did not fit her behaviour towards me. I felt as though she was avoiding me completely. Wasn't talking to me or anything of that sort. I didn't want to make any assumptions cause i knew they can cause trouble in these cases. So as a person who was curious, i decided to ask her what was going on and if she was avoiding me or not. She was. Her reason: a natural reflex. I told her that there was no need to avoid me and we can still act normal around eachother. She said ok but it still continued. &#x200B; Currently half way through march, i could not hold my emotions back any longer and burst into tears while texting her. I didn't text her about how i felt about her. I texted her about how she was avoiding me and how she didn't really care about me even as a friend. I ended up ending anything and everything we had between us because all she had to say was ""I dont know what to say"". It may have been the only thing she could have said in that situation but i was not right in the head. &#x200B; After that i just came to a full stop and could not stop thinking about what i had done. Connections from my friends and family had been cut short but none of them noticed, except one. I'll get into that later. &#x200B; My condition stayed the same for a few weeks until april when I decided to apologise to her for what i had said and she said it was ok and we could still be friends. I was happy. I had nothing to be sad about, but the avoiding still remained and it hurt. I couldn't do anything to stop it and i had already addressed this issue with her before. So i fell into a hole of depression again and wrote everything that had happened between us on a paper, much like this story but shorter. &#x200B; May time came and she had approached me finally after a months long silence of avoiding me. She asked how i was and I handed her the whole story i had written. It had all of the feelings i ever felt towards her, towards the different situations and towards this whole thing. It was the most truthful thing i had ever written. It was also the first time i had to do something like this. &#x200B; She read the whole thing and said she was sorry for making me feel this way. I had nothing to say except ""its ok"". &#x200B; BUT, because i'm stupid and can't keep my feelings in check, i ended up telling her how i felt about her, like how i loved her and such a few weeks later 2 weeks into june. This had probably put a lot of stress on her cause the next time we met, she said she wanted nothing to do with me. I asked for a final hug but no chance. At that point i had just stopped caring about everything around me and had lost all feeling of anything. &#x200B; To make matters worse i tried to go back to my friends that i had been neglecting because of this situation so that they wouldn't get caught up in it, most of them didn't notice a thing, but that one friend that did took it pretty hard cause she stopped talking to me completely. &#x200B; My mind was all mixed up as to what to do, so i tried apologising for not being there. She said that that's not it. I had said something to her that made her get angry at me. It wasn't the first time this had happened but this time she was not going to forgive me. &#x200B; Before all of this mess had began, i had been taking care of her, cause she had depression for 3 years or so, and she had only 2 people looking after her. me and her cousin who she called her sister. &#x200B; During some time in my problem I had said something about her cousin or sister that had hurt her and because i had neglected her, it was like i was dissing the last hope and joy she had. At that point it was like dropping an atom bomb into her heart. I would never hurt her in such a way and she has a habit of taking things out of context. She took what i had said about her sister out of context making it a bad thing. &#x200B; I knew arguing with her was going to be the worst thing i could do especially since i was the one at fault. &#x200B; She didn't take it and now does not talk to me. &#x200B; At the moment i have no heart left to give, no fucks to give and my brain is dead. i had not been to lesson for 2 weeks because of the problems and have missed a lot of my course work. The only thing teachers say is that this is no reason to skip class. They dont know my pain. &#x200B; All my friends have left me and i have no one to talk to. the friends i do have from my religion, i dont want to get them involved. &#x200B; I've had sucidal thoughts many times and had almost carried out one. &#x200B; Its the holidays now and i have no one to talk to or nothing to look up to. &#x200B; My exams? i had already done bad because of the problem i have and the ones that are about to come up, i have no motivation to study for them. I have a lot of work left to do and catch up on as well as start research for the next year but I just dont have the motivation to do so. All i do at home is lie in bed and listen to depressing music. My mom hasn't noticed so she still gived me work to do. I do that to distract my head but without music, everything falls apart. &#x200B; Since then, Music is my refuge. &#x200B; I dont know what to do or how to solve this problem, but i've just let things go and decided that if I dont do anything, things will fall into place. I cant be bothered anymore. &#x200B; I also realised that if only i hadn't opened my mouth in february, everything would have been fine. I would have dies with anxiety issues but at least i would have has someone to support me.",-0.9849,negative,apprehensive 2170,depressed,my story.,listener_1,2,I'm here for you pm me if you want to chat,0.0772,positive,questioning 2170,depressed,my story.,speaker,3,thanks. I'm just trying to see if i can get over this in my holidays.,0.6705,positive,consoling 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",speaker,1,"Now I just feel especially drained out of energy and almost constantly crave cutting (I'm resisting hard to that urge, but it's still there). &#x200B; Anybody's got an advice?",-0.1691,negative,apprehensive 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",listener_1,2,"Try drawing on your arm. It helps the urge in a more positive, painless way. Hope you feel better",0.9296,positive,consoling 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",speaker,3,Thanks by the way,0.4404,positive,wishing 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",speaker,4,"I tried sorta scratching on my arm slowly to get a part of the sensation without actually cutting but it just made me want to cut more, go all the way... I'll try drawing but idk how it would work.",-0.3849,negative,annoyed 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",listener_1,5,"No problem my friend, I'm always here to help.",0.7997,positive,faithful 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",speaker,6,I'll try that. Eyelids though? Can you still see properly...?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2171,depressed,"I think I'm getting better, I don't feel like dying anymore and haven't felt so in a while.",listener_2,7,Yes I can still see aside from my genetics I'm losing my eyesight with each passing da I've heard the eye doctor tell my mom I have symptoms of glaucoma but I think she worded it that way to prevent my mom from panicking. As to the cutting for my eyelids I'd barely graze them with my finger nails which I rarely liked to cut. The worst they got was when they had bled alittle,-0.9157,negative,embarrassed 2172,depressed,Hey its me dumb bitch again :),speaker,1,I was just asked to send pics and “get freaky” with this guy who i thought was friends with me. Im tired of being used for sex. Thats all anyone ever sees of me. Sex. Nothing but sex. My last bf was HELLA fucking sexually abusive. The one before him always pressured me for it and i was just starting to get over that icky feeling and now its back. It makes me want to cover up my body and hate it more than i already do. Why do guys only see me as something they can use??,-0.9438,negative,angry 2173,depressed,Self Compassion,speaker,1,"I just wanted to share this poem: Love After Love The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at yoru own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart. Take down the love letters from the bookshelft, the photographs, the despereate notes, peel your own image from teh mirror. Sit. Feast on your life. (Derek Walcott).",0.9908,positive,joyful 2173,depressed,Self Compassion,listener_1,2,Nice and smooth. Calmed me down. Thanks. I dont want to go full english teacher on it so i'll save the rest.,0.8899,positive,neutral 2173,depressed,Self Compassion,speaker,3,sorry - it's a poem but I didn't want to keep poem format to save space,0.5882,positive,sympathizing 2173,depressed,Self Compassion,listener_1,4,I meant the analysis.,0.0,neutral,guilty 2174,depressed,I just can't.,speaker,1,Boyfriend left after saying he was neber close to loving me. Always saying I was to good for him and not coming to see me for weeks at a time. I haven't left my bed. I can't talk because every time I try I break down in tears. Can't even look at my dog. I don't know what to do.,0.7096,positive,sad 2174,depressed,I just can't.,listener_1,2,"I can't give you much help. I am in your same position but it's been almost 2 months and she moved on while she was with me I left her long before she did with me I gave her the impression she left me to help her feel less ashamed. So I made her dislike me by saying I did nothing wrong but I did I gave her my heart which was my mistake. Take it from me more men will come into your life you just need to seperate them from boys. And just know it'll get better for you. My times running out so learn from this and come back stronger than before, I lost my fight but trust me just from hearing this I believe you can do it though I don't know you.",0.9189,positive,guilty 2174,depressed,I just can't.,speaker,3,"Thank you for your words of encouragement. My family got me to eat for the first time in days. I think,as you said, I can do it.",0.6486,positive,hopeful 2174,depressed,I just can't.,listener_1,4,That's good to hear just get back to it one step at a time,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,speaker,1,"Okay where do i even start. This is the last week of school and thats why our school has decided that we do a project week where all students have to participate. This would've been a great chance to get to know new people but i'm too fucking awkward and unable to build any type of connection. My friend did, she's fucking good at making new friends. They all talked the entire time while i was stitting next to my friend, spending the time hating my existence(: Then, i went to check if i had to repeat 10th grade. In germany, you can write an exam in the subject where ypu failed and if you pass then you don't have to repeat the class and well i have to do that. I feel so fucking miserable right now i fucking hate myself for being this way. After that , in our break, my friends and some other people sat down on a bench. This one guy wanted to talk to a girl who sat next to me and asked if we could swich places and i said yes. So, all of my friends sit together while i'm in that fucking corner of the bench, not talking to anyone and again: hating myself. I fucking hate myself so much. First i'm dumb and as if that isn't enough, i'm also fucking awkward and lonely and useless. I really need a hug right now and someone to tell me that they love me and will forever love me even though i'm stupid. That was very chaotic but i hope everything makes sense. I'm not a native speaker so sorry if i made any mistakes.",-0.6835,negative,embarrassed 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,listener_1,2,"Your english is wonderful! And you are definitely NOT useless, you are worth so much more than you know :) Im not exactly sure how passing works there (thats unfamiliar to me) but I hope it all goes well! I too, am hoping that I wont have to repeat some of my classes, yikess. If you ever want a friend hmu <3",0.9697,positive,encouraging 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,speaker,3,"Thank you so much 💕 I hope it goes well for you as well:) And if you need someone, you can text me:))",0.9211,positive,encouraging 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,listener_2,4,"Moin, versuche einfach zu lernen für die Nachprüfung. Worin musst du die Nachprüfungen denn schreiben? Wenn du jemanden zum Schreiben oder Lernen brauchst, schreib mich doch einfach an. Ich bin gut in Mathe, English und Deutsch. Aber nicht falsch verstehen, mein Leben ist gerade auch aus dem Ruder gelaufen. Ich kann gut nachvollziehen wie du dich fühlst. Ich wünsche dir alles Gute und viel Glück bei der Nachprüfung!",-0.9041,negative,trusting 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,speaker,5,"Dankeschön, das ist sehr nett. Ich muss eine in deutsch schreiben. Ich glaube bei jedem vom uns ist es gerade nicht so einfach im Leben haha aber wenn du mal eine Schulter zum ausheulen brauchst kannst du mich gerne anschreiben:) Alles Gute noch:)",0.4588,positive,trusting 2175,depressed,Everything went horrible today,speaker,6,Same dude. It's fucking annoying,-0.4576,negative,annoyed 2176,depressed,life is like a box of old rotten moldy chocolates,speaker,1,"my life has been so fucked up literally for as long as i can remember. my mom has always told doctors that i was “born depressed”, but at this point im not sure if im depressed or just cursed with infinite bad luck? nothing in my life goes well, ever. so that just leads me to believe that like.... it has to be me, right? im the reason my own life is so shitty??? i have no motivation to do anything to better my life and i dont know why. i constantly tell myself that i lost my opportunity to do anything with my life because i slacked off so hard in high school and got into drugs at the end and i dont know if its an excuse or if its fucking true. i never even feel suicidal now, i just feel like a worthless sack of shit waiting for the end.",-0.8662,negative,jealous 2176,depressed,life is like a box of old rotten moldy chocolates,listener_1,2,Maybe that just means soon you’ll use up all ur bad luck and have nothing but good luck later on,-0.7635,negative,consoling 2176,depressed,life is like a box of old rotten moldy chocolates,speaker,3,but what if what i think is “bad luck” is really just a bunch of self destructive decisions ive made coming back to bite me? how can i tell the difference between a good and bad decision?,-0.8299,negative,suggesting 2176,depressed,life is like a box of old rotten moldy chocolates,listener_1,4,"I actually have no clue what a good or bad decision is. Im indecisive and dont have good morals. But if it is past decisions coming back to bite you, ig you’ll always have the chance to learn from it.",-0.1538,negative,trusting 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,speaker,1,"ever since the first grade theres been this one girl that ive rly liked. i am currently in 9th grade and me and her are bestfriends. but everytime i feel like me and her are going to be something more then bestfriends, she goes off with douchebags who have made my whole life hard. its like im not even there. it hurts so fucking much and the main cause of my depression. ik that i am only 14 and that i shouldnt be worrying so much about girls, but shes my world. everytime me and her sit by eachother or be on the same team in phys ed and someone asks if were dating she ALWAYS goes ""ewww no id never date him were just friends"" and it hurts so fucking much. would someone be able to offer me help on how to move on and realize shes too good for me?",0.5795,positive,sad 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,listener_1,2,Just tell her how you feel. If you don't you might regret your whole life.,0.3252,positive,questioning 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,speaker,3,she already knows but she doesnt stop herself from making fun of me. thanks for the help though,0.9347,positive,neutral 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,speaker,4,thank u so much for ur help,0.6369,positive,wishing 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,listener_1,5,The problems on Reddit users life are not simple😓,-0.0946,negative,disgusted 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,speaker,6,thanks man. means a lot.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2177,depressed,im sick of being hurt.,listener_2,7,Sure thing.,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,speaker,1,i cry myself to sleep every night knowing that nobody will ever love me enough to stay with me forever.,0.2732,positive,sad 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,listener_1,2,I can't even be sad because I've never had someone in the first place.,0.3724,positive,lonely 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,listener_2,3,That's my life 2 bro,0.0,neutral,content 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,listener_3,4,Too relatible,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,speaker,5,"thanks. i really needed this. this gave me hope, really, thank you.",0.8221,positive,neutral 2178,depressed,i live in fear of dying alone,listener_4,6,You are welcome.,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 2179,depressed,Look. Look at the Universe.,speaker,1,"They're shining for you. Look at the moon. It's shining for you. Look at the sun. It's shining for you. One gets your through the hardest of days, where admist the crowds you feel suffocated in. The other leads you through the darkest of nights, where you feel the loneliest in. Someone is there for you. Who? You. So go and find yourself. Nobody can change your life but you. That's why you're here. It's to save yourself. You were given a chance to live. *You* were allowed to have a life. So please, on behalf of the many others who can't right now. Who can't escape right now. Set an example. In a few weeks or months time, you might have a chance. A chance to run free. This chance has been withheld for to long. So go out and use it. Do what you were meant to do. Live. Because this world is cruel. So no matter how cruel, it doesn't change the fact that you were given a chance to make it a little less crueler. Live. Live. Live.",0.677,positive,lonely 2179,depressed,Look. Look at the Universe.,listener_1,2,"Not trying to speak for anyone else but, while I hear your message and love what you're trying to say, it falls flat on my ears. Simply because of one thing, ""You were given a chance to live"". While you're not wrong and your statement is true for all intents and purposes, for that to be impact one must believe that life is worth something to be given. Life for people like me doesnt mean anything in and of itself. When i look at the universe I see indifference and wonder. But not hope.",0.9553,positive,disappointed 2179,depressed,Look. Look at the Universe.,speaker,3,"I understand that. Have a good day, is all I say for now.",0.4404,positive,agreeing 2179,depressed,Look. Look at the Universe.,listener_1,4,I hope you have a good day as well.,0.7845,positive,encouraging 2180,depressed,Friends who kiss,speaker,1,So it's hard trying to be friends with my now ex. It's hard trying to not want the things we had before. I miss her as my bestfriend too. The thought of her with other guys is also killing me. Pillow talk sucks. The progress I made now feels like diddly squat. Lost and confused thanks for listening.,-0.4767,negative,lonely 2180,depressed,Friends who kiss,listener_1,2,I absolutely understand You’re going to make it through this and any amount of progress is still progress (: Just keep looking forward and keep forcing yourself to push forward if you have to,0.8316,positive,agreeing 2180,depressed,Friends who kiss,speaker,3,"I just don't know if I'm getting played for being to hopeful when we have small moments. I feel like she has the need to explore what the world has, but I'm right here. I guess I just wish I knew the future of us and what choices to make.",0.7992,positive,hopeful 2180,depressed,Friends who kiss,listener_1,4,"It’ll get easier as time goes on It sucks ass but it’s the truth I would say to block the small moments, it’ll hurt but sometimes it’s needed. Think more about the future of You rather than the future of you and her, it’ll make things easier in the end.",-0.5994,negative,neutral 2180,depressed,Friends who kiss,speaker,5,Thanks I appreciate this,0.6808,positive,sympathizing 2181,depressed,Some days just putting on socks is a chore.,speaker,1,It's the way it goes. Then once you put on the socks you can do better things.,0.4404,positive,neutral 2181,depressed,Some days just putting on socks is a chore.,listener_1,2,"Same. But hey, at least socks were put on so counts as a win.",0.7351,positive,neutral 2181,depressed,Some days just putting on socks is a chore.,speaker,3,I have flip flops but today especially I knew if I wore the flip flops I would had lost.,-0.775,negative,embarrassed 2182,depressed,Tried working again.,speaker,1,"And it did not went well. As for the job, it’s not rocket science. Easy, nice actually. If I wasn’t depressed, I would’ve loved it. But I am. And realizing it really is an illness and not some pettiness makes it.. idk. I find it hard to take care of myself. I either sleep too much or too little. I look dirty even If I try to look good. I’m not hungry but I feel the hunger in my stomach. My skin feels dry. My hair gets greasy fast. And I can’t seem to fake happiness, I look and act dead already. So today, day three of the new job. And I’m quitting, bc I notice, especially today. That people are really questioning wtf is up with me. I’m not myself right now, but I will be soon. It’s just difficult to realize that I can’t function how I used to. For now I should first try to give myself a little more love before I focus on other things.",-0.9208,negative,ashamed 2182,depressed,Tried working again.,listener_1,2,At least you know what to do. That is a good step towards getting over it.,0.4404,positive,neutral 2182,depressed,Tried working again.,speaker,3,True and therapy + the right meds will help a lot I hope. :),0.8859999999999999,positive,encouraging 2182,depressed,Tried working again.,speaker,4,True,0.4215,positive,faithful 2183,depressed,What even are friends?,speaker,1,"It sucks when your friends don’t understand your depression. It sucks more when you’re the friend they each turn to when they need a shoulder. It sucks that you feel obligated to be there cause you don’t want them to feel what you feel. It sucks that they never show you the same energy. It sucks that they drain you and take advantage of you, knowing that you already can’t even handle yourself alone, much less others’ burdens. What do I have to do to get a friend who gives me the same energy I give them? Sacrifice my firstborn?",-0.5834,negative,sad 2183,depressed,What even are friends?,listener_1,2,"Friends support and accept each other and go through good and bad times together. A friend should know that the most precious gift is time itself. Good friends are a gift as well and you can only go out and search some. Maybe you change your friends? Or you honestly tell them, that you believe that it's not fair and ask them what your friendship is worth to them. Don't be afraid to leave them, because friends are meant to make you happy and give you energy, not otherwise. I wish you the very best!",0.9933,positive,trusting 2183,depressed,What even are friends?,speaker,3,Thank you! I do wish I could leave them but we grew up together and it is hard to sever a bond like that😔,0.7088,positive,sympathizing 2183,depressed,What even are friends?,listener_1,4,"Yea, I know exactly, what you mean. I went through the same. Well, you can talk with them honestly and make your decision after that. I know, that it's hard, but you should think about, what is better for you. You maybe can't do this for all time, if it's draining your energy and making you feel bad. Sometimes, the ways split.",0.4767,positive,agreeing 2183,depressed,What even are friends?,speaker,5,"I know, it sucks when you need a friend now, and there’s nobody to turn to😭...At least I hope your puppies manage to be a source of comfort sometimes.",0.4588,positive,consoling 2184,depressed,Just a little pathetic,speaker,1,I haven’t been able to stop crying since my gf broke up with me yesterday I try so hard to not cry but who could i when she’s more affectionate now that she was when we were together? I hurt so much I don’t know how to get myself to stop crying and leave the room I’m in,-0.8949,negative,sad 2184,depressed,Just a little pathetic,listener_1,2,"I’m really sorry about the breakup, those can be very hard. It is ok to experience these feelings of sadness, if you allow yourself to feel the emotion it can help you move on. (That being said if you start showing unhealthy behaviors or become suicidal you should probably reach out for help). When you feel like you’ve spent enough time processing your sadness and feel ready to try and move on emotionally, you can try to pick up a new hobby. Something new and interesting to make your days just a little bit happier. Fill your life with little things that bring you genuine happiness, no matter how small of seemingly insignificant. It’s amazing how much the little things can add up. As you build happiness back into your life you will hopefully start to feel happier and maybe then you can look for someone new. It’s not perfect advice but I hope I helped in a small way. I wish you well in the future, you’ve got this!",0.9543,positive,sympathizing 2184,depressed,Just a little pathetic,speaker,3,Thank you I really needed to hear this,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 2185,depressed,Depressed stranger,speaker,1,"Don't expect anyone to even read this, but Idk I'm depressed and at least here people will relate. &#x200B; I've lost all my friends, and I just have this downwards spiral of energy that pushes away anything and anyone who would help. The most depressing thing is not even wanting anything. There's nothing I don't have I don't want, no where I want to go that I haven't already been, I feel so lonely, but at the same time, I feel no comfort in talking with people. &#x200B; It's this feeling of hopelessness, and what really gets to me the most is this fallen out over a friend. I never even met them in person, but we messaged all day everyday, and then one day she just lost all interest and I haven't moved on from it. If I texted her, she would get moody and make me feel worse, and now she just ignores me so I had to block her. &#x200B; I wanna kms but I'm too uninspired to even accomplish that. Just a rant of a stranger, &#x200B; Hope you all have better days.",-0.9463,negative,lonely 2185,depressed,Depressed stranger,listener_1,2,"I’ve been where you are and so I understand how hard it is. A big struggle in my life is that I often don’t have the energy to do anything let alone the things I enjoy. This year I was on the fast track to failing a large number of my classes because I couldn’t get myself to do the work. Making effort to hang out with friends is also something that I struggle with at times. If you have any friends you are particularly close to (or who would be understanding) maybe you can text them and say you’re going through a rough patch and need some support. I also suggest deep cleaning your room/house because when it’s done it usually makes you feel better (at least in my experience - although I desperately need to practice what I preach bc my room looks like a landfill rn). I find I enjoy watching Netflix on days with no energy but if that gets boring you can also try reading a book or drawing/coloring/painting something. Sorry it’s not much but I wish you the best moving forward. You are a complete stranger but you are in my thoughts and I will be rooting for you. I hope your life goes up from here, I believe in you :)",0.9638,positive,lonely 2185,depressed,Depressed stranger,speaker,3,"thank you for the kind words and I hope the best for you too! It actually did help to get a small message like this, so thank you : )",0.9652,positive,encouraging 2186,depressed,good song for depression,speaker,1,the type of song u listen to when you're in bed all day and wanna die fog lake -im so tired,-0.8244,negative,lonely 2186,depressed,good song for depression,listener_1,2,"City Lights - Motionless in White Disenchanted - My Chemical Romance The entire album ""The Great Depression"" by As It Is (Would highly recommend, it's a great pop-punk album revolving good around mental health)",0.9299,positive,nostalgic 2186,depressed,good song for depression,speaker,3,i like it thanks,0.6597,positive,acknowledging 2187,depressed,Not wanting to feel happy,speaker,1,"For the past couple years I’ve been feeling pretty depressed, and obviously I don’t want to continue being depressed, but for some reason, I don’t want to be happy. I know there are many resources out there, I could see a therapist, or even just practice simple things like, positive self talk, but it seems pointless, and I don’t want it. I just want to wallow in my sadness and regret. Is it normal? Is it okay? Honestly I don’t even feel like I deserve to be happy, and I’m pretty content just getting by every day just being depressed. That’s all I wanted to say really. For some reason, the thought of trying to better my life seems so distant. I just kind of want to know, does anyone else feel like this, knowing that there’s some things that you could try to help yourself, but just never wanted to do it?",0.9871,positive,sad 2187,depressed,Not wanting to feel happy,listener_1,2,Damn this hits home. I literally know and have easy access to people/activities/etc that would make me happy. But I just decide to kinda float around depressed and do nothing simply because i have no motivation to be happy. I have no motivation to do anything really.,-0.1686,negative,sad 2187,depressed,Not wanting to feel happy,speaker,3,"Thank you for telling me about this, I will definitely take it into consideration. I don’t want to elaborate too much, but I haven’t exactly done the nicest things. I think I have learned my lesson though, where to draw the line. Also, I wasn’t aware of anhedonia at all before today, thank you for spreading this knowledge. I hope you’re doing alright.",0.9489,positive,agreeing 2188,depressed,Why is the world such a disgusting place?,speaker,1,"Death, pollution, violence, etc. Why can’t people learn to get their shit together, I’m only 15 yet I feel I have the grasp of what the world truly is.",-0.8658,negative,furious 2188,depressed,Why is the world such a disgusting place?,listener_1,2,"Yeah, humans are disgusting creatures that want the world to burn, are selfish greedy and want nothing more than power and money. Those kind of crazy people who want power, are the ones that end up in power, and ruin the world. And nobody else has a voice. The only thing you can do is to do your part, try not to make the world worse than it already is, and don’t give up. If you just keep going, things just might get better. Even if they don’t, doing your best is all that should matter to you. Just don’t give up hope, and do whatever you can, whether that’s actively trying to make the world better, or just trying to survive in this mess of a world.",-0.4344,negative,agreeing 2188,depressed,Why is the world such a disgusting place?,listener_2,3,8 billion soon come,0.0,neutral,anticipating 2188,depressed,Why is the world such a disgusting place?,listener_3,4,oh God.,0.2732,positive,neutral 2189,depressed,I want to know what it's like,speaker,1,I want to know what it's like: To feel a touch that sincere To be the focus of his eye To cry in arms so dear To know safety without a lie I want to know what it's like: To have a dad that calls To see a mom that speaks To rise above all my falls To hold the joys I seek I want to know what it's like: To unfold my true wings To bare all to the bone To find a heart that sings To be anything but alone,0.8652,positive,faithful 2189,depressed,I want to know what it's like,listener_1,2,Hang in there. Times can be tough but you’ve got to work through it. If you have the desire to get into good relationships you surely will find some. You can build up relationships to replace what you don’t have. Just be the person you want to find in a good relationship. Be the nice and caring person you are looking for because that way you will both be attracted to each other. Remember your never alone and believe in yourself.,0.9836,positive,hopeful 2189,depressed,I want to know what it's like,speaker,3,Thank you for the kind words.,0.7096,positive,wishing 2189,depressed,I want to know what it's like,speaker,4,Thank you for saying something so kind to a stranger.,0.7824,positive,sympathizing 2189,depressed,I want to know what it's like,listener_2,5,Your welcome,0.4588,positive,wishing 2190,depressed,Everytime everything seems like it's becoming better it collapses all over again,speaker,1,"I was getting better. I was eating right, losing weight and exercising but I just feel like today when I woke up I didn't do almost anything. I felt like I was giving up on myself. I have no reason and no body to do any of this for so I'm losing the motivation in a single day to do anything with myself. Also, my suicidal thoughts are coming back and coming back strong.",0.1612,positive,sad 2190,depressed,Everytime everything seems like it's becoming better it collapses all over again,listener_1,2,"Over working is a thing that happens. You may not think you were over worling yourself as you were just trying to be healthy. But you have to remember that doing something as a depressed person can be a massive chore. You may want to take a day off from doing work. Too much of something is always bad. As for the thoughts in your head, dont worry about them and just try and relax for today. Dont force yourself on doing anything. Just lie in bed and calm your mind. Maybe listen to some music while you're at it. Its always a good feeling to relax.",0.8875,positive,content 2190,depressed,Everytime everything seems like it's becoming better it collapses all over again,speaker,3,I never felt over worked. I'm a student on break and I have no job. I was doing pretty normal things that alot of people do even people with depression but then I just stopped.,-0.4939,negative,content 2191,depressed,To the one..,speaker,1,"Lost. Missing a piece of myself, knowing now its for the best brings little peace. I stir emotion pouring out of me, the flood gates are open. Knowing im the bad guy, always was, always will be..its only way it can be. I say ill be here when you come back but there will only be pieces left, a fractured pile of what once was. I did this to myself...",-0.177,negative,sad 2191,depressed,To the one..,listener_1,2,That is either a poetry by someone or you are about to do something others may not want.,-0.0572,negative,apprehensive 2191,depressed,To the one..,speaker,3,Admitting defeat.,-0.4588,negative,sad 2191,depressed,To the one..,speaker,4,Sorry your feeling that way,0.0516,positive,sympathizing 2191,depressed,To the one..,speaker,5,Sorry your feeling that way,0.0516,positive,sympathizing 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",speaker,1,"Everything is awful. I hate myself, everyone hates me. I have horrible mental issues that no one understands unless they’re suffering from the same thing as me. But it’s not like I can ever tell anyone anyways. Honestly don’t understand the point in life. Am I supposed to be happy ? What do other people do for fun ? Everything seems so dull and bleh. I just wake up, go to work, get trashed and worked on my online college stuff. Maybe play League of Legends here and there when I’m not feeling completely defeated. How am I going to be able to get a college educated job with my mental issues. If I’m even able to find a job anyways. My car is breaking down, I lost my little baby (cat) early this year to a sudden tumor in her belly. I’m in crippling debt from my psoriasis treatment, which I had to do because I was 95% covered in unbearable stiff skin. Honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Life honestly sucks, and nothing helps me cope. I just slowly drag myself through the day until I get to go back to sleep. Since I have no one to talk to about anything, I figured maybe some random people on the internet might give a damn lmfao. Idk if this post is allowed but yeah. 🖤",0.5972,positive,sad 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_1,2,"Hi, you can direct msg me if you want, I'm dpressed myself and have struggles getting through every day without wanting to end it so I don't know if I'll be of any help but I could use some company maybe you could too...",0.0644,positive,suggesting 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_2,3,We should start a group chat for depression,-0.5719,negative,suggesting 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_3,4,Agreed !,0.3382,positive,agreeing 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_4,5,Heck yeah,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_5,6,Or maybe a discord ;),-0.2023,negative,suggesting 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",listener_6,7,I like this idea,0.3612,positive,confident 2192,depressed,"Honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore.",speaker,8,"Same tbh, just kinda waiting to die. 🖤",0.14400000000000002,positive,agreeing 2193,depressed,Social media depresses me,speaker,1,"Every once in a while I have this urge to delete all of my social media accounts and go under names that no one will recognize (like this one) just because I grow numb and completely detach from those around me. I don’t really have any friends outside of family friends and I don’t really know anyone who would care if I went missing from their life. I just want a fresh start where no one knows me, no one knows my ex and constantly asks about her, and no one knows of my hobbies and profession outside of the contract work I’ve mentioned on this account before. I just want to feel like I am in control again, even though I know there’s only so few things I can control in my life. Every morning for the past month I have thought of nothing except drinking to the point that I don’t wake up, taking all of my anti-depressants in a milkshake Elijah Woods style, and laying down in a bathtub (easy clean up) to rot until someone goes “huh I haven’t seen him in a while” until it’s too late. It’s morbid, and I’m not happy about these thoughts. I’m not happy with my life. I am so young and honestly can make a decent living with the amount of experience I have under my belt at just early 20’s. I’ve ruined my chances, though. I have too many visible tattoos, too many facial piercings. No one will hire me unless I have a degree (not gonna happen, I struggle in school because I’m so unmotivated with homework, I’m the kind of person who needs to finish my work in the learning environment otherwise it just won’t get done) or I take all of my piercings out and cover my tattoos up with cakey makeup until you can’t see anything anymore. I feel hopeless. I want to purge social media.",-0.3787,negative,lonely 2193,depressed,Social media depresses me,listener_1,2,Go to a public library to do your hw.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2193,depressed,Social media depresses me,speaker,3,Ah I have tried I really wish it were that easy for me /:,0.5563,positive,neutral 2193,depressed,Social media depresses me,speaker,4,"It really sucks knowing that money really would make a lot of people happier. Life is really just so hard to get through if you’re poor. Sometimes you can’t eat, other times you have no heat or water because you couldn’t pay your bills. It’s rough and I wish people would understand that millennials and gen z are suffering. I’m sorry that you struggle with math. I know I’m a stranger, but feel free to message me with math questions you might have, I’m a natural with it (: changing your name when you’re 18 is a good idea, but depending on the state you live in you might have to save a pretty penny. I really hope that you’re able to enjoy the time you have left in school and that you find some friends who genuinely care about you, even if they’re strangers on reddit like in this community. You have so much to live for and it’s going to be okay if you take the steps in the right directions.",0.9927,positive,sympathizing 2194,depressed,I'm sorry if this seems cringey/edgy. I just wanted to write something about how I feel every day. Sorry.,speaker,1,"Another, and another, and another. What is wrong with me? Mistakes are made Another after another. Every coin of failure filling up the void That exists in my empty head. Another and another. I am nothing, And I always will reap, One after one, An idiotic decision Another day again. Another, and another, and another ...",-0.9231,negative,ashamed 2194,depressed,I'm sorry if this seems cringey/edgy. I just wanted to write something about how I feel every day. Sorry.,listener_1,2,"Don’t feel sorry, it was your way of venting today, hope it helped. Mistakes take you a step closer to something better, so keep on making them. I know it is hard to stop hearing the void from where those negative/destructive thoughts come from...but you are something, never underestimate your value even if you feel like trash....like the saying goes... It’s a garbage CAN not a garbage cannot",0.4122,positive,sympathizing 2194,depressed,I'm sorry if this seems cringey/edgy. I just wanted to write something about how I feel every day. Sorry.,speaker,3,Thanks for that. I needed it,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,1,I feel like all my friends hate me currently and I don’t know what I’ve done They’re all just suddenly ignoring me but one,-0.1027,negative,lonely 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_1,2,"That sucks. I wish I could say something different to help you other than that I understand how you feel, seeing that my two closest friends haven't really talked to me at all this summer. Hope it turns out that they where just busy. &#x200B; &#x200B; \- Wish you the best",0.9413,positive,wishing 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,3,I saw they were together last night so idk what’s going on - I’m hoping it’ll eventually fix itself,0.2344,positive,consoling 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_1,4,"It might. I had ""friends"" like that but once I realized how much I had done for them (comforting them and inviting them to things) did I realize that they where never really there for me so I decide I wouldn't do this to myself anymore and I called a quit's. All I can say is evaluate the friendship and do whats best for your well being because no friendship is worth your physical or emotional well being. It might be rough but at the end of the day you gotta look out for yourself.",0.9761,positive,trusting 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,5,Omg yes please,0.6124,positive,agreeing 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_2,6,Anytime,0.0,neutral,angry 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,7,They’ve always been there for me so it’s a rough one haha,0.4588,positive,trusting 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,8,"But it’s gotten nowhere, just ignored",0.3491,positive,neutral 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,9,I’ve tried,0.0,neutral,disappointed 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_1,10,I don’t really know what to do then,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_1,11,I suggest you maybe find new and more caring friends. No offense.,0.8349,positive,suggesting 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,12,Just gonna take it as it comes,0.0,neutral,content 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,speaker,13,None taken :),-0.35700000000000004,negative,lonely 2195,depressed,Lost and lonely,listener_1,14,Ok.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2196,depressed,a message for anybody who needs someone to talk to <3,speaker,1,"soo i'm really bored and lowkey in a weird mood. . . like i'm usually depressed as fuck but now i feel high all the time :)))) anyway that's not important!!! if any of y'all beautiful people need someone to talk to, i'm available on discord - crying catto with fren#9573 ((i change my tag pretty often so i'll update this post if i do)) we can talk about anything that you want - i can listen to you whenever you wanna vent or anything else you might wanna discuss <3 <3 sOrry i'm awful at explaining but i can be your friend that's wholesome and supportive and understanding cause i feel like helping people out when i'm not feeling depressed myself :( cheers! <3 <3 <3 :)",0.9431,positive,acknowledging 2196,depressed,a message for anybody who needs someone to talk to <3,listener_1,2,Lol where do i sign,0.4215,positive,questioning 2196,depressed,a message for anybody who needs someone to talk to <3,speaker,3,add me on discord! it's in my post <3,-0.4574,negative,annoyed 2197,depressed,Lifes so pointless,speaker,1,Like i swear everyday is pretty much that same with little differences but still its bland and lacking in purpose. Wake up get ready drive to work like thats half the day gone to waste i wish i can just enjoy my time on the shitty ass place fuuuuckkk,0.4118,positive,annoyed 2197,depressed,Lifes so pointless,listener_1,2,I can understand how you feel maybe you should discuss your hours with your boss other wise I suggest you find a job that offers flexible hours that still interest you. I think once you find that then you will be able to find things that make you happy and overall improve your life even in the slightest of ways. \- Wish you the best. Let me know how it goes.,0.9661,positive,wishing 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,speaker,1,"It was my birthday on Thursday and I am now 25 years old. Here’s the thing, I am a trans man and I didn’t start growing up until two years ago so I look like I’m 15 or 16 years old and also feel it. I was anxious to the extremes and deep in despair until I finally came out as trans and started transitioning. But even though I feel good about finally growing up I can’t help but to feel as though I’ve missed out on many years of my life to depression and no moving forward...I should have already went through my teenage years when I was a teen...but here I am growing up at 25. I feel I’m too old to go to college now and I feel like I’ll never get into a relationship because I have so much anxiety about being trans and autistic with really shit social skills and crazy anxiety and a mum who treats me like a kid and I feel like any dude I’d talk to would hate me and these things get me down a lot. :(",-0.9213,negative,sad 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,listener_1,2,"You can completely disregard this if you wish considering I know nothing about the struggles in which it takes to transition or the struggles that come from it. It is alright to still be growing because no one really stops growing. We all hold on to something from are early years. If you wish to go to college then by all means you should do it, don't let your insecurities or your self doubts get in the way of things in which you aspire to do, other wise you will always regret or wonder what would have happened if you had tried. I think you are worrying to much when it comes to love I am sure you will find someone out there who appreciates you for who you are and supports you through your rough patches despite there own struggles \- Wish you the best in life and congratulations on coming out, just continue on staying true to yourself and to others.",0.9822,positive,trusting 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,speaker,3,"Thank you for this, it does help me to read what you’ve wrote and thank you so much for the kind words and I will always stay true to myself and others!",0.9215,positive,faithful 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,listener_1,4,I’m glad I could be of use. I’m trying to help others in any way I can because I know what it feels like to lose my self and others and I know how much of a difference it makes when someone actually pays interest in how you feel.,0.8176,positive,grateful 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,speaker,5,It makes a lot of difference and I appreciate you taking the time to share kind words with me and others and I really appreciate you not being mean to me about being trans that’s one thing that scares me when I tell people this...,0.8357,positive,trusting 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,listener_1,6,I understand where your coming from my parents don’t agree with it but if you aren’t harming others or being mean then why should it matter.,-0.6124,negative,agreeing 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,speaker,7,"Exactly! I wish people who didn’t understand it would talk to trans people so we could explain it to them, explain the anguish and suffering we feel within our own bodies whilst they’re turning into something they’re not meant to be...because for us we are becoming who we are supposed to be on the outside, not changing who we are like most people see it as...",-0.4753,negative,agreeing 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,listener_1,8,Well either way I know it’s not easy so congratulations🥳🥳.,0.8797,positive,wishing 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,speaker,9,Thanks 😁,0.7096,positive,wishing 2198,depressed,I’m not sure where to put this but here,listener_1,10,You’re welcome.,0.4588,positive,wishing 2199,depressed,I care.,speaker,1,"I just wanted to let anyone and everyone know that if they are going through a crisis of any sorts, that I am here If you need some to talk to. You matter and so do your feelings so if you have some you trust and you are going through something then it might be best to talk about it with them. However, if you don't I guess I am the next best thing if your only comfort is these sorts of Internet platforms.",0.8807,positive,trusting 2199,depressed,I care.,listener_1,2,Thank you for caring.,0.6908,positive,sympathizing 2199,depressed,I care.,speaker,3,No problem I know what it feels like to be alone and if I can help it I would like to let other know they aren’t in fact alone.,0.7147,positive,agreeing 2199,depressed,I care.,speaker,4,Thanks. I really appreciate that.,0.7089,positive,sympathizing 2200,depressed,A Hard time finding self respect,speaker,1,My friend is depressed He is 25 He hasn’t had a GF since he was 15 He’s still a virgin He thinks he missed out on a lot growing up He constantly lives in the past He compares himself to others He judges others and judges himself even harder He thinks he needs others to make himself happy He’s lost faith in his talents and abilities He’s preventing himself from following his dreams My friend is depressed My friend is... me,0.9231,positive,sad 2200,depressed,A Hard time finding self respect,listener_1,2,"Your friend is you, so that means your friend can help you find yourself. You can find yourself. You're worth a lot, you just have to find that. If you can't find a reason to believe in yourself, then please, simply remember there is no reason to not. I've been told, that everyone one is a rose. Every rose has its thorns, but that does not stop them from being considered beautiful.",0.9221,positive,trusting 2200,depressed,A Hard time finding self respect,listener_2,3,Well said brother,0.2732,positive,acknowledging 2201,depressed,It’s a interesting feeling shopping for a gun knowing it will end your own life.,speaker,1,"My plan is on my birthday. I have lived 36 years of misery and it’s time to stop suffering. Suicide is not selfish, it’s the only relief some of us have. I have gone down the medication, help route and nothing helps. I have been battling this for 32 years. My family told me when I was only 4 years old I said I don’t want to be alive anymore (I come from a very physically, and emotional abusive childhood). To all those fighting, if you can make to the other side great! But if not know that nothing is wrong wanting to stop hurting. This is a throwaway account.",-0.7872,negative,devastated 2201,depressed,It’s a interesting feeling shopping for a gun knowing it will end your own life.,listener_1,2,"Cmon, don’t do it plz!",0.1511,positive,questioning 2201,depressed,It’s a interesting feeling shopping for a gun knowing it will end your own life.,listener_2,3,"I take Remeron at night for insomnia. Are you saying these two combos gives you energy? I started Zoloft 50mg about two months ago. At first I thought it was working, and then there are days where I'm the OP. He also gave me Wellbutrin, and I learned these two are prescribed like all the time. I'm also on meds for insomnia. And finding hope is so fucking hard. My sis has a big heart, and she told me when I feel this way again (I was sectioned after I called the Suicide hotline, but ended the call because it wasn't helping.) And they can GPS your phone and thirty min later the police show up. (This happened Aug of last year. Family, mom is abusive and hurtful, sometime not even realizing it.) I like the idea of getting out of your comfort zone. The problem is when my depression starts to hit (diagnosis first with Bi Polar years ago, and recently we tentatively changed the diagnosis to MDD. I don't really have any highs.) I cannot even shower. Depression just sucks the life out of you. I know you understand...",-0.9256,negative,hopeful 2201,depressed,It’s a interesting feeling shopping for a gun knowing it will end your own life.,listener_3,4,"Absolutely I understand, I haven’t had it this bad for many years. Yes this combo gives you energy and the Mirtazapine acts as a sleeping pill also (knocks you out cold after an hour or so). I had to stop the fluoxetine eighteen months ago because of a new (unrelated) medication they put me on but have restarted it last week - takes about six weeks to kick in so I have to hold tight for a while. I cant shower also, haven’t been outside for a week so I’m deep in the trenches. Same situation with parents here though they mean well. I’m just going through an absolute shit storm here and it sounds like you are as well. To clarify: my friend paid £300.00 for one hour with a psychiatrist to get this information (Mirtazapine& Fluoxetine) and it sorted both our lives out. Change over if you can and hold tight for a while. Pick up the phone and speak to your sister when it’s at its worst. Best wishes, Alan.",0.804,positive,agreeing 2201,depressed,It’s a interesting feeling shopping for a gun knowing it will end your own life.,listener_4,5,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,speaker,1,i’ve been posting here and there and i feel like a burden to people i love and i don’t want them to know that i’m really wanting to plan to die in august. i feel like i keep hurting people. and i don’t want to but every time i open my god damn mouth it just comes out wrong when i don’t want to. i’m 26 and still in college and i just feel like a fucking loser. i wanted things to be better. just got out of a relationship and i feel so empty and lonely and i feel like there’s so many things expected of me and i don’t know what to do other than die before i have to pay for school next semester.,-0.9298,negative,guilty 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,listener_1,2,"Hello friend, I am really sorry. What happened to you? Why you wanna sacrifice yourself? Please let me know, I wanna stop those if any",0.4708,positive,sympathizing 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,speaker,3,i am the happening. i did the bad things all the time. and i don’t mean to. i want to recognize myself again. i don’t think things will get better.,-0.0772,negative,guilty 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,listener_1,4,"My friend, trust me it will get better. Just trust me. Can you elaborate? So that I can really help you? Please. Life is precious and which is mortal. Think before you blink on these thoughts. Please",0.9739,positive,trusting 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,speaker,5,my relationship ended due to codependency and me steamrolling shit. i had phone sex with a friend cause i wasn’t getting any intimacy and i feel so guilty all the time. i can’t recoGnize myself anymore. my mom is a narcissist and an alcoholic and every week we get into fights and i’m just so exhausted. i am in school still after so many years and i just figured out what i wanted to do. i feel like i’m just wasting so much time. i’m talking to a guy now who i’m scared of hurting. i’m just scared.,-0.9562,negative,guilty 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,listener_1,6,Sorry for that. How can I help you my friend.?? I really want to help you.,0.8596,positive,sympathizing 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,speaker,7,i don’t know anymore. i’m just scared. i’ve been so close and now i’m making a plan to go through with and idk if it’s comforting or if i’m scared shitless but i’m not ok.,-0.3071,negative,apprehensive 2202,depressed,i really want someone to talk to.,listener_1,8,"Will PM you, is that ok? I have an advice for you",0.0,neutral,questioning 2203,depressed,Hello World,speaker,1,"I haven’t always had the best relationship with my father but he recently got diagnosed with Advanced Prostate Cancer and despite treatment, he seems to be getting a whole lot worse rather than improving. I only have one other sibling, an older brother who lives in another country, so there’s not much emotional support. I still live at home and I’m just finding it really difficult to cope with the usual, common stresses of life and my father’s illness. I’m finding it really difficult to see his health detoriate. All the friends that I have talked to seem really busy with their work and lives, so I don’t want to bother them anymore. Just don’t know what to do or who to reach out to in this time. Peace ✌🏻",-0.8701,negative,lonely 2203,depressed,Hello World,listener_1,2,Reach out to me. I've got time. I may not be a family Friend or a close friend but i understand the pain of losing someone really close to you.,-0.6808,negative,caring 2203,depressed,Hello World,speaker,3,Thank you! It’s so comforting to know there’s someone out there who will listen. Thanks for your kindness!,0.9095,positive,trusting 2203,depressed,Hello World,listener_1,4,Anytime,0.0,neutral,angry 2204,depressed,You dont want to die. You want to be saved.,speaker,1,"To everyone posting about their plans to kill themselves. I dont blame you for your choices. I dont think youre selfish. But please hear my desperation to ask you to stay a little longer. I dont think you want to die. I think you want to be saved from yourself. I understand you because I am you and I am begging you if you have given up on this world, as half assed as my logic sounds, you dont even have a guarantee that the afterlife is going to be any better. Please dont take that gamble over something you cant control. As useless as feel right now, you still have the opportunity to control even the tiniest bit of your life. Seek professional help. Dont give up. Talk to me. Talk to each other. I honestly love you. Im not just saying that because you need to hear it but because I find myself loving you when you have forgotten to love yourself. Until you do and even so when you do. I am here to love you.",0.9922,positive,trusting 2204,depressed,You dont want to die. You want to be saved.,listener_1,2,Seconded,0.0,neutral,lonely 2204,depressed,You dont want to die. You want to be saved.,speaker,3,Im so sorry if i sound patronizing. Absolutely not my intention. Really sorry.,-0.2928,negative,sympathizing 2205,depressed,Just a thank you to yourself,speaker,1,"Im thanking you for sticking with yourself's through all the pain, hurt, self hate, unmotivation, and low self-esteem it sounds cliche as EVER but, things will get better. I'm still stuck in the middle, I'm high on my mania but also caught up in a depression, when I'm happy I'm way too happy and when I'm sad I'm way too sad, there's no in between, I'm in my head so much it's like I'm playing tug of war within my mind. But mostly I wanna say, I UNDERSTAND you! Don't be afraid to reach out to me or ANYONE if you need help. Someone always cares. Most of all thank you for not giving up.",0.2093,positive,faithful 2205,depressed,Just a thank you to yourself,listener_1,2,This is what i needed to see today thanks 😔,0.4939,positive,acknowledging 2205,depressed,Just a thank you to yourself,speaker,3,It honestly makes me so happy inside just to know I helped a little even though I always feel nothing I really like helping others but I never help myself!!,0.3906,positive,proud 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,speaker,1,"Happy birthday! Thanks man. I spent it getting shit from my family and my friends, I'm wasted and I've cried my feelings out. This time next year I'll have one friend at the very least that doesn't hate to be around me. I'd prefer sooner than later, but I'd rather not get hung up on semantics. Thanks for reading, you're a beautiful soul.",0.9292,positive,wishing 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,listener_1,2,Happy Birthday man! Just remember it may not have been the best birthday you've ever had. But I'm glad you were there for it.,0.8497,positive,neutral 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,speaker,3,"Thanks man. Had a budy say something similar, and I let him know how much his sentiment meant to me.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,listener_1,4,"As someone who's been there and could find himself right back there I just like to remind people. The world is a better place with you here, your brain lies to you cause it's a little dickhead, and life is worth it. If you don't get through the bad days then you have nothing to compare your good days too",-0.228,negative,grateful 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,speaker,5,That's a lovely sentiment. Thank you for posting such kind words!,0.8748,positive,acknowledging 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,speaker,6,"Lol dude, I'm diabetic as fuck. I enjoyed a cookie though with some ice cream! How did you celebrate 21?",0.7644,positive,questioning 2206,depressed,It's my 21st birthday,speaker,7,Thank youuu!,0.4199,positive,wishing 2207,depressed,2019 sucks ass for me,speaker,1,"I feel like this has easily been the worst year of my life and it is only half way done. To start my step father had passed away on February 16th in a horrific car accident leaving my mother alone and confused with her three idiot sons. My friends father had killed himself and i felt so bad for him that i started to cut myself and hoping that this was rock bottom for us all, but then my boyfriend of 3 years breaks up with me confessing on how he was just using me for his own personal gain and i felt so empty inside and i look around and it seems that everyone else around has a better life than i do. Bullies at school don’t help either and exams are starting to stress me out way too much. Sometimes i dont even want to get out of bed and i have recently tried to take my own life and thankfully failed. If this is half of 2019 for me, then what does the rest of it have lined up for me?",-0.7251,negative,devastated 2207,depressed,2019 sucks ass for me,listener_1,2,You’re going through so much...it’s frankly unbelievable. I’m so sorry op. I’m here to talk to you if you need it.,0.1206,positive,sympathizing 2207,depressed,2019 sucks ass for me,listener_2,3,"Alright. No. OP do not listen to that last sentence. Take your time and rebuild your life, so that in the end, you will be happy because you genuinely are. Do not cut yourself. Don't. I'll leave you a sentence that I hope will encourage you. If you have no reason to believe in yourself, then please, remember that you have no reason to not.",0.9074,positive,consoling 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,speaker,1,"It has been a hard time, my body aches after all I smoked and from a hangover from yesterday. I'm actually dying over a broken heart. Pathetic. Hope I die a nobody.",-0.7184,negative,sad 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,listener_1,2,"Hey, a broken heart can be fixed and made happy when you find the right person, I know life seems tough but there is a way around all the struggles and suffering, there is good in the future for you, dont let your emotions now take away the good! Youve been alive for this long, dont let your journey in life, all the companionships, all the experience, either good or bad go to waste! Stay strong!!!",0.6973,positive,hopeful 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,speaker,3,I woke up and I don't know what I took to type this out but I slept and for once I didn't hear the voice I hear in my sleep thank you.,0.5023,positive,grateful 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,speaker,4,I'll continue to try thank you for this I'll reflect on what you've said heavily for the next month or two,0.3612,positive,grateful 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,listener_2,5,Especially these days,0.0,neutral,surprised 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,listener_1,6,Oh thats really good to hear man! Maybe this is the start of the turn in your life steering you to more goodness! Wish you all the best man!,0.9386,positive,wishing 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,listener_3,7,"I’m so happy to hear that! I hope you take it easy on yourself and give yourself time to heal. Fill that time with literally anything you enjoy that benefits you like working out, not smoking. It’s awesome I know it but don’t live in the cloud and don’t make big decisions or think negative things while in that mindset. My shitty day has completely turned around hearing this!",-0.6843,negative,acknowledging 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,speaker,8,Thanks so much and to you as well! We should message sometime,0.6476,positive,wishing 2208,depressed,This night might be my last.,listener_1,9,No problem man! Yeh for sure you can talk to me if you want man,0.631,positive,agreeing 2209,depressed,Struggle making friends,speaker,1,I struggle to make friends on the regular basis They're either sick of my shit because they can't be bothered dealing with my ADHD and bpd Or they're just using me for money and leave me when I need them the most when struggling with the same thing I tend to hurt and push people away without meaning to and a lot of small things can upset me That's not entirely my fault since my ex's friends would always treat me like a problem no matter what I did. I was never allowed to show any emotion otherwise I'd be labeled a problem which isn't fair on me so I've had to bottle shit up for 3 years and now it's getting to the point where I'm heavily medicated but I feeling constantly low and can't be bothered doing anything no matter what I do.,-0.7515,negative,sad 2209,depressed,Struggle making friends,listener_1,2,"Are you going to therapy ? I teach people how to handle their emotions, but I've never dealt with anyone with bpd, maybe we could talk and see if I can provide any help. One thing I can tell you of the bat right now is, it doesn't matter what anyone else says about you and how they label you a problem. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't, but one thing you can own is that you are the one at fault for being where you are. Not your parents, not your friends, not anyone, but you. Once you own that, you can move forward and start solving your situation.",-0.5983,negative,trusting 2209,depressed,Struggle making friends,speaker,3,"I'd love to go to therapy but I always feel that if I unleash all of my problems , I'll feel like a burden or get scared that the other person will assume I'm attention seeking when really that's the problem, I'm not really getting enough attention for the RIGHT thing.",-0.8846,negative,anxious 2209,depressed,Struggle making friends,listener_1,4,"You go to therapy precisely to do that, the therapist is there to help, you cannot possibly be a burden to them.",-0.0516,negative,questioning 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,speaker,1,Why is everything so heavy?😪,0.0,neutral,questioning 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,listener_1,2,I ask myself that every time I wake up in the mornings. :(,-0.4404,negative,embarrassed 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,listener_2,3,""" i see no changes, wake up in the morning and i ask myself. Is life worth living or should i blast myself?"" - tupac shakur Thats one of the first things i say to myself when i wake up most mornings",-0.0772,negative,surprised 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,speaker,4,Dudeeeee I feel u bruh 😶,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,speaker,5,"Oh nothin, just living on my own w no friends no family members. Nobody accept who I am , that's all haha",0.6038,positive,lonely 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,listener_3,6,If you have no friends and family members who doesn't accept who you are ? The people who you try to befriend ?,-0.6246,negative,questioning 2210,depressed,Sad fckn life,speaker,7,Dudeeeee dm me,0.0,neutral,angry 2211,depressed,I'm leaving tomorrow morning,speaker,1,"My parents have been fighting on petty issues since i was a kid. I have seen them fight literally every day of my life. My father is an alcoholic and his business is sinking. Sometimes they fight without any reason at all. Seeing the same thing everyday, this has plunged me into depression way back and is also responsible for my low self esteem and inferiority complex. But today I had it. I could not tolerate it anymore. I am walking away from my home next morning. I doubt they'll even notice I'm gone. Anyway, just wanna put it out there as I'm sobbing rn.",-0.9217,negative,angry 2211,depressed,I'm leaving tomorrow morning,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you have to deal with that. It's a good thing to leave an unhealthy environment, I hope you have a safe place to go.",0.5859,positive,sympathizing 2211,depressed,I'm leaving tomorrow morning,speaker,3,I will figure out as I go.. Haven't made a plan yet. Only thing i know for sure is that i have to get out of here..,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2211,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,What is a quick and easy way to die?,-0.25,negative,questioning 2211,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,"damn, do you want to talk?",-0.34,negative,questioning 2211,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,Nah just ways to die easily since I'm gone in like 3 hours,-0.1027,negative,anticipating 2211,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,"I’ve been in this situation before, can you try to wait it out. I know that’s the most annoying thing to hear but like, can you sleep on it?",0.3079,positive,questioning 2211,depressed,Help,listener_2,5,No I tried taking too much medicine but it didn't do shit,0.5083,positive,neutral 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,1,"We were together for 7 fucking years man. Like she's all I know. I'm 22 now. It's not about just finding a new woman and moving on. It's not about that at all. She keeps saying she wants me in her life ... But she's now 100Km away and we're losing our apartment in 6 days. I have nowhere to go. I have no idea what the fuck to do. She said she's having a shitty day down at her family's (she's there because she moved out two weeks ago) I said this to her I've had 14 shitty days, excluding the two i spend with you. But, I get used to it. Cause I don't feel like you'll ever come back now. I'm so tired and exhausted I just wanna die for real. I'm so sick of all the shit. Im tired of trying when you don't even wanna be with me anymore. You want your space and shit. So like fuck it I guess that means everything we had was for nothing. Because you don't understand what wanting to change means. You don't seem to wanna believe me and if sucks. I don't know what else to say I wanted to be together but you don't want me right now. I shouldn't have to wait. I'm in the middle of the toughest situation my life has ever thrown at me. I lost my home Twice now because of my own stupidity lost my woman (you) got cheated on twice. Like fuck I lost everything. My dreams hopes and wishes are all gone. I don't wanna be anything I don't wanna do anything. I'm just a loser .. I give up I really fucking do. And what bothers me the most is you'll say some shit like ""okay"" you don't even reply with Any meaning it's all a pile of bullshit. Im so exhausted So what should I do? Any ideas. I need someones help. Or someone to talk to. Fuck my life Tl:Dr: girlfriend of 7 years cheated on me last year twice I forgave her now she left me and is 100km away says she still loves me but doesn't know what she wants losing my apartment and very depressed",-0.9975,negative,devastated 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_1,2,"She seems manipulative and she moved which means she clearly doesn’t care about you or what you two had. I don’t know what kind of relationship you guys had but your best bet in this is is just to cut ties. You’re still young, you CAN leave and don’t turn back. I don’t care what anyone says about the whole “There’s only one person for me in this world” crap because that’s a lie and you can ALWAYS move on and find something new. My mama always said you have to give up your old toys eventually and it seems she played you. I doubt her cheating was just that once. She clearly isn’t happy or satisfied with the relationship, so you should really drop her. Find a storage and put all your stuff in there, talk to your apartment manager and get an extension on your rent and explain exactly what’s going on. If you don’t open your mouth no one is gonna help you. Ask a local church for help too if you’re religious. Whatever you do, don’t let this girl define you and don’t let her break you because she ain’t worth it.",0.9613,positive,trusting 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,3,Thanks man I'ma try to cut contact and move on do something that makes me happy.. Im just stuck in a state of depression and denial :(,-0.4767,negative,sad 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_1,4,"I understand completely. I’ve been in a relationship for 5 years and I know that if I lost someone who was obviously so important to me I’d be pretty messed up over it too but as I said, you cannot let this person define who you are. I can guarantee you that you’ll look back in a year at this and shrug it off because you’ll be in a better place. Now is the time for you to get your head back on straight and think about yourself and YOUR future.",0.8455,positive,agreeing 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,5,Just gotta try and keep my head up I guess! Things will get better as time progresses I just need to try my hardest as it won't happen on it's own,0.4926,positive,hopeful 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,6,Got it thank you :) will update you soon just in bed right now,0.6705,positive,wishing 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,7,Thanks man just trying to rest got a flu too I'll msg you in the morning,0.0772,positive,consoling 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_2,8,Sounds good hope you feel better,0.8271,positive,encouraging 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,9,Thanks man you may be right I gotta think it all over,0.4404,positive,agreeing 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_3,10,"I know this feeling. It hurts like a bitch. And you'll feel like it won't ever end. But remember this. What's done is done. IT WILL NEVER GO BACK TO WHAT IT USED TO BE. This relationship has been broken for a while. I've been there and honestly I've done what you want to. To Hold on. To Give her what she wants and somehow beyond all logic hope that she comes back. But believe me man she won't. In the end you will be stuck in the past while she moves on and the pain will just get worse. Never be afraid to make a decision and stick with it. You can't put your life on hold for anyone. And if your partner doesn't agree, then clearly they aren't putting your feelings first as you are theirs. I know she's upset now and that hurts you but trust me this is the best you could do for her and yourself. Earlier the better. You need to focus on healing now. You need to remember why you made this decision every time you want her back. You need to accept that what you had is over. Take the good memories and accept it's done. The more you fight the more messier you make it and it will ruin all memories your time together. I can't stress enough...stick with your decision..take your time..however long it takes..and heal. Don't fall into this trap because trust me right now you need someone to look out for you and no one..not even her will do that. Everyone looks out for themselves first. Which is why she's asking for space but not letting you go. She's over you but she doesn't want to be alone. And if you let it go her way( and I'm not saying she's a bad person, people deal with this differently)..you will be left behind stuck in your past.",-0.9077,negative,faithful 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,11,I really appreciate that homie!!! I'll be reading that when I'm down for sure. Thanks man for real and good looking out I just gotta get through the denial and self confidence issues,0.9357,positive,grateful 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_4,12,"Deffinently man im happy that u can still take advices cuz it be like that sometimes also memes can be good too for recovery but take your time man,the world aint going anywhere.its gonna be ok maybe not now but soon it will be.",0.7814,positive,neutral 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",speaker,13,"Thank you so much, I know my reply is nothing in comparison to what you just said to me. But know that it means the world and I actually believe what your saying is true. Thanks!! I'll try to keep my head up through the hard times.i hope I don't break if I do it would only be because she came back. But then again it will never feel the same. I dunno. Life will tell me in the end what if wants for me. As for now I need to get some rest. I'll keep updating on the situation!! Again thank you man it feels better than anything to see that people actually care !!",0.9779,positive,faithful 2212,depressed,"She said she wants space, but always messages me saying she still loves and cares about me but doesn't know what she wants",listener_3,14,Good for you. Take small steps. :) just try to improve 1% everyday. You'll be fine 😊,0.9393,positive,consoling 2213,depressed,Klonopin,speaker,1,"It's my fifth day without Klonopin. I feel happy and my mind feels ok. However my stomach hurts so much. I'm never hungry and anytime I eat or drink anything besides water, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. Has anyone else gone through Klonopin withdrawal?",0.4939,positive,ashamed 2213,depressed,Klonopin,listener_1,2,"How much were you (for how long) on and did you taper? If you have been on for more than a couple of months, you may need to taper. About half of people are dependent on benzos after a few months use. Klonopin has a long half life so it could just now be dropping out of your system. I started to get symptoms about 4 days after my dose was cut, and it kept getting worse until about the 2 weeks point. This guide from kaiser talks about how some people have withdrawal symptoms even dropping just 10% a month, so if you just stopped taking klonopin, you may need to taper a bit. (I got off my 1mg daily the first time with almost no issues other than a few days anxiety and insomnia. I expected the same thing when I came off the second time, and instead, I ended up looking like a drug addict detoxing off of hard drugs - hallucinating, vomiting, stomach pain, nerve pain, severe muscle pain (still have muscle issues to this day - damn klonopin damaged my nervous system) Page 8 or 9 starts talking about tapering and withdrawal. If things get worse, you may want to consider tapering. (although its also possible you will have symptoms for a few days and then they will stop, but that is not always the case. If a person's nervous system is sensitive to the changes of reducing the medicine, it can cause all types of health issues, or send the nervous system into overdrive). Please taper if things get too bad. https://wa.kaiserpermanente.org/static/pdf/public/guidelines/benzo-zdrug.pdf",-0.9698,negative,questioning 2213,depressed,Klonopin,speaker,3,"I was on .25. I took a half a pill in the morning and half at night. I've been tapering. Last week I ended up taking a half pill every other day and then tried for three days this week. Any time I feel ill now, I try to work out. That seems to help.",-0.0258,neutral,ashamed 2213,depressed,Klonopin,listener_1,4,"good luck, hopefully it will just be a few days of feeling crappy if you tapered and weren't on that high of a dose. I hope you feel better soon!",0.8908,positive,consoling 2213,depressed,Klonopin,speaker,5,Thanks. It's going better than last time I tried. I just am so determined this time. I'm tired of this drug controlling my life,0.7198,positive,hopeful 2214,depressed,They won't call it suicide,speaker,1,"I'm going to kill myself. I had to say it not for you guys but for me I need the wake up call to accept this is what is going to happen if I carry on this way. I have tried to write it all out to explain but there are either too many words or not enough, even with the consequences of my actions staring me in the face my silence still holds.",0.1406,positive,ashamed 2214,depressed,They won't call it suicide,listener_1,2,"Stranger, I am sending you \*so\* much light, and positive energy, and tackle hugs. I am proud of you for reaching out here. Please reach out to someone in your daily life who can help. You are an important person and it can get better.",0.9666,positive,wishing 2214,depressed,They won't call it suicide,speaker,3,"Thank you for the light, positive energy and tackle hugs they are all needed. I have reached out so many times, I have tried so many times to be taken seriously by family, doctor's and friends, no one seems to want to see or hear whats going on and it's going to have to be up to me to lay my soul bare so they truly get it and right now i'm just struggling to make myself care about it anymore.",0.9421,positive,grateful 2214,depressed,They won't call it suicide,speaker,4,"At this point i'm really not sure I even have a choice even though I want to, because really how am I supposed to get help when my depression is preventing me from even saying anything is even wrong",-0.7303,negative,apprehensive 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,1,As of the other day all my friends have ghosted or deleted me Everything sucks I feel so alone and nothing I can do will fix it because I can’t do anything,-0.2538,negative,lonely 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,listener_1,2,"Is there a reason they left? Some people can be jerks, but that's life and unfortunately that part of it won't change.",-0.5647,negative,questioning 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,3,No clue.. they just ignored me then deleted me Like I’ve tried figuring out why and I can’t think of a single reason,-0.25,negative,lonely 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,listener_1,4,"Friends never do that, maybe they weren't friends to begin with.",0.1396,positive,suggesting 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,5,"That’s what I’m starting to think, which sucks so much because they were there for me a lot",-0.3612,negative,sad 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,listener_1,6,"I know how that feels, when the people who you trust and care so much for abandon you. It makes you wonder if they meant anything at all, but it's not too late to start anew and make other friends.",0.7444,positive,sad 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,7,I just wish I knew why because I’d try to fix it but it’s hard when they’ve done what they’ve done,0.0644,positive,neutral 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,8,These ones were nice and caring and funny so it sucks but is what it is. I’m sorry that that’s always been your experience,0.384,positive,sympathizing 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,9,"I feel this so much I was the new one in the group - only knew them for like two months and then suddenly after they saw me one night, all but one have ghosted and deleted me and I just want to know why. I feel like a fool and so embarrassed",-0.4748,negative,ashamed 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,listener_2,10,Yeah exactly. We seem to both be left behind for no certain reason. I just dont get it :(,0.4199,positive,agreeing 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,speaker,11,You’re totally right - it just sucks when you connect with people and suddenly they’re gone,-0.3612,negative,agreeing 2215,depressed,All my friends have left me,listener_3,12,"It is ...... only thing you can do is close yourself , and do things for yourself , and real friends come alone . Just wait and smile at everyone . you can hide your real feelings.",0.4404,positive,lonely 2216,depressed,Relationships,speaker,1,I’m in a new relationship with the man of my dreams. But I want to end it. I want to break up with him before anything can go wrong. I’ve fallen into a deeper depression than usual. I don’t think I’m good enough for him and I don’t feel like I deserve him. I have the gut wrenching feeling that he doesn’t truly love me even though he shows me he does all the time. I feel the need to isolate and push away. I don’t know what to do. It’s like I can’t allow myself to be happy...,0.9535,positive,sad 2216,depressed,Relationships,listener_1,2,"i’m sure he would stay with you and go this depression with you. you just gotta let him know how you truly feel. so tell him. but if he doesn’t wanna help or being a person to listen. then, you have your own choices.",0.5365,positive,neutral 2216,depressed,Relationships,speaker,3,He is so so supportive of me and actually deals with PTSD himself so he really gets it. I’m trying to just let it be. I’ve never even had a friend as amazing as this man. It makes me feel like such garbage that my brain keeps telling me to throw it all away...,0.9138,positive,grateful 2216,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_2,1,"So for some backstory, depression runs in my family on my mothers side. When I was younger she was constantly in and out of the hospital for her manic swings. I'll be honest It's something regardless of growing up around I'm slightly uninformed on. &#x200B; I am currently 28 years old, have my own 2 bedroom condo(renting) and what most would consider a good career. I currently make 60k/year +Bonuses (10-14%) and full benefits including 4 weeks paid vacation, Company vehicle/gas card, and I can set my own schedule/location. All on a 35hr/week basis working in upper management. Looking at all this I feel that I shouldn't have any reason to be unmotivated/unfulfilled in my life. Especially considering I only have a high school education and my coworkers all have degrees in business etc. &#x200B; However lately I've had a hard time even getting out of bed none the less leaving my house to complete my work, I have no desire to see my friends or make new ones or meet a new spouse. I literally set like 15 alarms on 2 different phones and 2 alarm clocks, and won't even blink on waking up until 10am, drag my butt out of bed make more coffees than I ever should and open my computer just to stare at the screen before giving up and browsing the web. I've always been a decent self motivator, and am definitely my own biggest critic but I feel like I've just stopped caring. I have almost stopped taking care of my hygiene in the last weeks, appetite is completely gone as well.. &#x200B; My drive is gone, and I'm not sure If I'm just burnt out or if I should seriously be considering getting help. I feel unfulfilled and that I'm not adding value, on the flip side I'm not even sure I have desire to add value. As far as social life goes, it's all but dissipated, I split with my ex just about 1 year ago, and I don't think I'm over it in the slightest, not bitter but definitely not ready to open up to someone else. I believe my ex left me because of my inability to love myself, and I truly feel it would be unfair of me to enter another serious relationship without first being able to make myself happy. &#x200B; This has turned into a bit of a rant, but without any really close friends I just wanted to get this off my chest. For today, I've been working in small bits, so I'll take it as a small victory, tomorrow I'm going to try and get outside and do some work in my area. For anyone who read this post, thanks for taking the time to listen, I truly appreciate it. &#x200B; TLDR; Think I might need help but might just be in a rut.",0.9904,positive,surprised 2216,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,2,"Find love💜 weather that’s with other partner or finding love by helping the people around you, like helping kids in poverty or support them with school supplies, find what makes you happy, and try and have fun while your searching 💜",0.9836,positive,questioning 2216,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_4,3,if you need a one on one talk buddy i am here sounds like you are on the right track give love away unconditonally in every way you can think of minus sex your void will begin to fill,0.7717,positive,agreeing 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,speaker,1,Been off my meds for 5 days now and I can’t afford to fill them again for a while. I’ve turned to anything that hurts me even a little to feel alive still. I feel so lost that I don’t even care anymore,-0.1418,negative,sad 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,listener_1,2,I’ve been struggling with trying to harm myself as well because my depression is so fucking painful....but I’m trying to implement the “no more harm” rule...although my urge to self destruct and self harm is super strong because of my “fuck it” mentality....i’ve deeply regretted my self sabotaging actions before. Although I don’t have the energy or will to do the things that are good for me...I’m just trying not to cause more damage. I hope you can find the ability to do the same...just don’t cause any additional harm/damage to yourself....it really does set us back and make things so much harder in the long run. Giving you a big internet hug,-0.0058,neutral,ashamed 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,speaker,3,Yeah I’ve been trying to not screw myself over. Turning to the bottle bc the burn reminds me I’m still alive is not something I should continue,0.6244,positive,apprehensive 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,listener_1,4,Yeah..it’s so hard..but stay away from it and see if you can distract yourself with something less harmful. I played video games or watched episodes of Simpsons to prevent binging on food the other day. I also quit alcohol and drugs completely because it just makes my life much worse,-0.4703,negative,neutral 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,speaker,5,"Yeah I have a couple close friends. Specifically one, and she is magnificent at helping me just feel like I matter",0.9186,positive,trusting 2217,depressed,I think I’ve officially given up,listener_1,6,Contact her for sure!,0.3802,positive,agreeing 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,speaker,1,"I’ve been reading through a lot of threads here and have noticed that it seems like some of the people on here would really appreciate someone to talk with/help them think through things, or even just to listen. I’m coming out of a depression myself and am more than happy to try my best at helping anyone here who needs a friend. Sometimes it can be nice to get a fresh perspective outside of your normal social circles. If you don’t want input, that’s okay too. Like I said, someone to just listen can make a difference as well. Please message me if you need anything or are feeling hopeless. It tears me up knowing some of the people here genuinely feel like they don’t have anybody. Hoping this will help at least a couple people. Also, I feel like this should go without saying, but I want to respect the privacy of everyone here. Anything I am messaged stays private.",0.968,positive,caring 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_1,2,"Do not advertise yourself. There are countless posts you could actually answer. This is the egotistical, lazy way of doing it. I see in your entire post history you've only made one single comment on a post on this subreddit. If you want to be a friend, reach out and act like one first rather than setting up a sign saying, ""come to me."" So far you have not shown anyone you are actually willing to reach out to those who already have posted looking for responses or someone to talk to.",0.4215,positive,questioning 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,speaker,3,"I apologize and realize how my post may have come off that way. That was not my intention. I have replied to a couple different posts on this subreddit with my thoughts though, so your comment on my lack of involvement isn’t fair. Additionally, a big part of my motivation for making this post is that often times when I read these different posts, they are either asking for a friend or saying that posting to the whole internet was a last resort. I am hoping that by offering a safe place, I’m assisting with those two issues.",0.8934,positive,embarrassed 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_2,4,"I’m here to say advertise yourself if you want to. Thank you for offering to help others the way you know how. Plenty of people appreciate this post. It might be the post someone needed to see because you don’t see these posts often. So again, thank you OP. Don’t need to listen to this person above. Once they start reaching out to actually help people instead of criticizing others willing to help they can talk. Actually, even then they can’t talk. It’s your life and your Reddit.",0.9284,positive,grateful 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_1,5,"Yes, they do need to listen to me. Notice how my name is green? I'm a mod. Which also makes the rest of what you said invalid as well. These are the rules of the subreddit. We don't allow advertising yourself because, as I said, there are endless posts that actually need to be answered. We get countless of these advertising posts and they are low effort and lazy. The people who post who receive no comments are hurt even more when they are in desperate need of someone to talk to, and then they see these posts and wonder why this person didn't want to talk to them. You have no idea what you are talking about. If you are going to accuse people of things, maybe start with a basis of facts before opening your mouth and making declarations. If you don't like it, leave. We do what's best for the subscribers of this sub. You clearly do what's best for yourself. By the way, life and Reddit do not work in response to ""it's your life and your Reddit.""",-0.1154,negative,furious 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_1,6,"I went through your post history prior to responding. At that time you had made a single comment in this subreddit, and since you bring up the other one, I see you've only made two comments there. If you see posts asking for a friend, respond to those posts directly. Often the people who are scrolling and reading all New posts are the ones looking to answer, not the ones looking for help. We receive countless advertising posts like yours, which are low effort, which endless posts go unanswered. When someone posts on here, they are already feeling vulnerable. If no one answers them, it makes them feel invisible. But when they see posts like yours, especially around the time they posted, they feel incredibly hurt and insulted that you announce you'll be a friend but ignore them. I can also tell that by the little time you did invest responding to posts, even after I called you out on it, means you don't have to time, or possibly the desire, to invest the energy needed to do what you are offering. We need to look out for what's best for our subscribers. And on Reddit, the best thing is to actually answer their posts in a way that will make them feel heard, validated, and hopeful.",0.9651,positive,annoyed 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_2,7,I want you to know I read the first sentence and nothing else. What I said stands,0.1531,positive,confident 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,speaker,8,"Like I said previously, I understand how my post may have had negative implications — which is why I’ve since taken it down. I haven’t been involved with the subreddit for a very long time (another reason why I haven’t replied to a number of posts) and thought that by offering a helping hand, it could be meaningful to the community. In my time here, I haven’t seen a lot of similar posts to what I was offering, though I will take your word for it. I am making an effort to reply to more posts. I understand where you’re coming from and would appreciate if you tried to understand my perspective.",0.8176,positive,caring 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_1,9,I understand your perspective and I'm telling you what you are not seeing and why it isn't ok. The reason why you don't see these posts is because we tell them the exact same thing as you and they take them down. Otherwise we would be flooded with them. You want to offer a helping hand that would be meaningful to the community- respond to posts. That's it. We don't need a announcement you decided to show up here. Just respond to posts. Like everyone else.,0.8591,positive,agreeing 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_1,10,Life has rules. Reddit has rules. They are there for a reason. Follow them or leave. It's simple.,-0.0516,negative,angry 2218,depressed,Open this if you need a friend.,listener_2,11,Wow I’m learning so much about life from you. I’ll have to rethink my entire life based on your single comment. Please teach me more oh wise one!!!! You are the keeper of all life and Reddit wisdom!!! All hail Reddit moderators! I’m guessing you’re 30-40 based on your false sense of wisdom and authority.,0.9586,positive,furious 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,speaker,1,"I have a host of issues that I'm facing - I just switched to Lexapro, which is making me tired all the time. I'm stressed about finding a new job after my internship and suffering from migraines, along with all the other emotional and mental effects that come with being depressed and anxious. I feel broken - like I just can't do anything right or function. &#x200B; I had a severe migraine yesterday and passed out at my desk, which is upsetting to my supervisor. And I understand why - I'm just tired of feeling tired, and giving my best efforts and it's never enough. I don't know what to do anymore. No one else in my life understands.",-0.9538,negative,sad 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,listener_1,2,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,speaker,3,That's my face 90% of the time.,0.0,neutral,confident 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,speaker,4,I think if I could do that I would. But I'm stuck trying to graduate and I know if I don't complete my internship and graduate I'll regret it.,-0.7351,negative,disappointed 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,listener_2,5,"Keep doing it..trust me, sleeping all day is not the way to go at all.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2219,depressed,I have dysthymia and anxiety and I'm sick of feeling broken,listener_1,6,You need a puppy And some snacks I wish I was with you so I could comfort you,0.6666,positive,caring 2220,depressed,I don’t feel anything anymore,speaker,1,"I am currently writing this from the airport. I found out that my (now ex) gf of a year and a half had cheated on me when I woke up this morning. She’s gaslit me about me being worried she was cheating before. Accused me of cheating. And had been cheating herself. I started smoking again, I broke down and bought some cigarettes. Happy to be leaving tonight. I don’t want to return to this state for a long time.",-0.946,negative,excited 2220,depressed,I don’t feel anything anymore,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry, that sounds really unbearable. Maybe going to a new state will help, and allow you some distance from what sounds like a really unhealthy relationship.",0.2748,positive,sympathizing 2220,depressed,I don’t feel anything anymore,speaker,3,It was extremely unhealthy. I was visiting her out of state so I at least got to go home to where I’m from.,-0.5709,negative,disgusted 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,speaker,1,"I started taking It today. Ik that it takes a while to actually work but im kinda scared. She said It helps with motivation but im feeling really scared that it’ll cause more anxiety? Besides feeling too depressed, I dont do things (activities, going out, etc.) to avoid anxiety. im also nervous bc once I feel better (if it works) I wont know what to do with myself. I spend all my time doing drugs to dissociate and sleep more. If im not doing that, then what? I dont like any of the things I use to do. aand im scared that I wont sleep well. She put me on this bc she thinks i sleep too much. When im not on drugs I dont sleep. My mom only sees me when im asleep and I obviously didnt tell them i abuse to sleep, so to them it seems like I just sleep too much naturally. My friend who takes Prozac and Trazadone said she’d give me some her pills to help but I cant always do that. Lastly will I gain weight with this?? Bc i have headaches a lot from “not eating enough” and she said “this will help” but idk what that means.",-0.8515,negative,apprehensive 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,listener_1,2,"I take Prozac, but I just started and haven’t been noticing anything good or bad, on the other hand, it’s different for everyone, you may begin to notice changes within a week with many side effects, or up to a month with no side effects at all, just stick to it, but if ANYONE notices anything abnormal about your behavior, please talk to your doctor or whoever prescribed the medicine for your own safety. There are also a lot of side effects that they have to list, but are very rare, however, if a certain number of people get headaches while taking Prozac, they have to list it as a side effect just in case it does correlate, however, sometimes it’s just a coincidence, and all of the time it only happens to certain people. I think that you have nothing to worry about, if you find it hard to sleep or wake up in the morning, try switching the time you take it, however, do this carefully, even though as far as I’m aware nothing dangerous can really come of this, except a possible slight overdose depending on how much you take. Just stay aware and discuss every few weeks in the first few months until you find the correct dosage and timing, and you should be fine.",0.9682,positive,neutral 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,speaker,3,I hope you start to see more good whilr taking it and thank you for responding. I might start taking it at night to be safe.,0.8883,positive,encouraging 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,speaker,4,That you so much for your input it definitely eases my worry. I really hope it levels things out for me too. I dont think im ok with taking the consequences of my actions (pathetic ik) so im not going to tell her about it but I definitely wont be doing it anymore. Again thank you for responding.,0.7686,positive,agreeing 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,listener_1,5,"Yeah, that’s when I take it, it’s easier to remember for me.",0.6124,positive,acknowledging 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,listener_2,6,Just as another point of input it can have a sort of numbing effect in too high a dose. Like when I was on 40mg a day it felt like my low points wouldn't be as low but my highs wouldn't be as high. It still was much better than where I had been prior to taking it though. Just make sure to keeping tabs on yourself in some manner because with every drug for depression you have a chance to have a really negative reaction. If that's the case with any medication talk to your doctor immediately.,-0.3775,negative,neutral 2221,depressed,Anyone take Prozac?,speaker,7,"Oh okay, im only directed to take 10mg and then aftwr a while up it to 20mg but if anything negative happens ill tell her!",-0.8622,negative,neutral 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_3,1,"Anyone else ever having that sinking feeling in their chest Like you’re drowning Not even sad, just heavy Everything just feels wrong Everything is wrong",-0.1645,negative,sentimental 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_4,2,Ive been feeling like this for 2 years its become commonplace for me,0.4588,positive,anticipating 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_3,3,I don’t know how to do that anymore aha,0.0,neutral,neutral 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_3,4,"I like that idea, I’ll try it Probably because it’s refreshing!",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_3,5,It sucks,-0.3612,negative,acknowledging 2221,depressed,Sinking,listener_3,6,I’m honestly not so great haha I hope you’re all well - I’m here for you too :),0.5863,positive,consoling 2222,depressed,I think I'm gonna kill myself,speaker,1,No one cares for me. I can bear it anymore,-0.569,negative,lonely 2222,depressed,I think I'm gonna kill myself,listener_1,2,"I don’t know you much, OP, but I can tell you’re strong and a fighter. The fact that you made this post shows that, somewhere inside of you, there is a strong power that can fight and reach others. The world may seem like a giant mess, but trust me when I say that there are people that care about you (even if I can’t mention who). I’m halfway across the world in the Middle East, a massive cluster of issues and discord and 0 care, but I cared enough to open this thread when I saw it. People out there care for you, even strangers. Don’t let the riff raft and family/friends politics get you down. Look in the mirror and repeat after me: “I am a boss.” Because you are.",0.98,positive,trusting 2222,depressed,I think I'm gonna kill myself,listener_2,3,"I agree, I saw this post and opened it up. I know that times are hard, but ManInMango is right and we care about your life. All life is precious. I'm sorry that you are in a tough spot, but hang in there OP. Message me if you want to talk. Please just let us know that you are still with us.",0.9201,positive,caring 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,speaker,1," I'm tired of letting depression and mental illness control my life. I'm tired of binge eating and doing drugs to numb the pain. I'm tired of hurting myself just to feel alive. I'm tired of never being able to sleep because dark thoughts keep me awake all night until I cry myself to sleep. I'm tired of being tired. So I'm going to do something about it. I don't know what the hell I'm going to do but for starters I'm going to give my room a deep cleaning. This shit has been killing me and ruining my life for a long time now and I refuse to let it do so anymore. I can't waste away and fade into nothing without ever having at least trying to make things better. It's time to hit up a counselor, read some self help books, get back into working out, and get my shit together. Life is not passing me by anymore. Mental illness isn't going to control my every thought and action anymore. I refuse to let it. I'm not perfect and I've done a lot of things that I regret and always but it's not too late to change. This temporary bout of motivation may fade as quickly as it came but I'm going to do lay as many positive foundations as I can in the mean time. If you've made it this far then I just want to say things can get better for you too. It might take a month or ten years but it can better. You can make it better. Even when you feel like it can't and there's no way out but death, it can still get better. I've been there, hell I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel that way sometimes now. Just take things a day at a time; one foot in front of the other until eventually you're out of this living hell called depression. I believe in you, even if you don't believe in yourself. My DM's are always open if anyone needs someone to talk to. I'm not the brightest or the most experienced person but I know what it's like to not have anyone to talk to. And sorry for the wall of text, just had a lot I had to get off my chest and this place and people I've met on here have helped me out a lot recently.",-0.9934,negative,angry 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,listener_1,2,"Do it, I'm rooting for you",0.0,neutral,faithful 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,speaker,3,"Thanks man, you too.",0.4404,positive,agreeing 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,speaker,4,"That's really awesome man, good job and thank you so much.",0.8766,positive,wishing 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,speaker,5,Thanks man.,0.4404,positive,wishing 2223,depressed,I'm tired.,speaker,6,"Thanks, I really appreciate it.",0.7089,positive,sympathizing 2224,depressed,Goodbye,speaker,1,"The speed to which you wrote me off makes my soul cry. So broken every day you shut another door or window to your wellbeing...but who am i to have an interest in your well being? I so fucking destroyed inside that i am the last person to offer any type of support..you worried i would break your heart that we'd play with fire and youd be burnt..but here were are im burning alive and you? Well i dont know, i hope your doing well, i hope your keeping your head up...but me..i am suffering, i am dying. Praying for death, asking god please destroy me....i miss you, more so i miss who you encouraged me to be.",-0.5677,negative,devastated 2224,depressed,Goodbye,listener_1,2,If someone tries to change who you are or your personality maybe you are just not meant to be.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2224,depressed,Goodbye,listener_2,3,"Unless they were just encouraging OP to be a better, healthier , happier version of him/herself.",0.8658,positive,neutral 2224,depressed,Goodbye,listener_1,4,Agreed,0.2732,positive,agreeing 2225,depressed,I'm trying to write a story,speaker,1,"A while back a had this great idea for a story (just to write; to get my mind off) and after my friend and I created some more ideas for it, I just might be able to write it. Of course, its gonna be short. If you wanna see it, I might just add a comment on this post with the link to it! Thanks! \-Natu\_\_\_",0.9268,positive,hopeful 2225,depressed,I'm trying to write a story,listener_1,2,Could i get a link?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2225,depressed,I'm trying to write a story,speaker,3,"It might be a while bcuz i havent even written in yet. I didnt expect any1 to rly care, and would write it in a few days. Sorry. :/",0.128,positive,sympathizing 2225,depressed,I'm trying to write a story,listener_1,4,you'd be surprised how many people care. the rest are just waiting for you. All you need to do is reach out. See those upvotes? those are the people who are waiting.,0.6369,positive,neutral 2226,depressed,In a bad place since she cheated and left,speaker,1,"I have been in a bad place mentally since my ex cheated on me and left me. We were together for 4 years and I got the ring (family heirloom) that I was going to give to her at her family's Christmas get together. Every since she left me I feel like I can't trust anyone and that I'm not good enough or attractive enough for anyone. So I tend to just go to work and come home to my dog, who I got for my ex but she doesn't have the funds to care for a dog and herself. I basically never go out and if I do it's mostly by myself because I don't really have any friends. I moved to this town for work and to be with my ex so I never tried to make friends. I am very nerdy and shy so that doesn't help meet people either. I have asked 1 girl out since my ex left me and got rejected. Honestly I'm not even sure what I am looking for by posting this. Maybe I'm just looking to vent or I don't know. Sorry for the book.",0.3102,positive,guilty 2226,depressed,In a bad place since she cheated and left,listener_1,2,"It's alright man, everyone needs to vent sometimes. I can kind get where you're coming from. Me and my ex have been broken up for about 9 months now but we've been no contact for over a month. The break up was my fault and the guilt and heart break after everything still hurts incredibly bad to this day and has been a major factor in my depression. If you ever need anyone to talk to feel free to DM me.",-0.9098,negative,agreeing 2226,depressed,In a bad place since she cheated and left,speaker,3,My dog is a Black lab. She is a purebred lab that we had gotten from a family that went through a divorce and didn't have time to play with a puppy. I got her when she was 1. I will look into the Facebook groups.,0.34,positive,caring 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,1,"How can one deal with melancholy, and why does it come out of fucking no where",-0.659,negative,sentimental 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,2,"Hey, Melancholy is like that. Somewhere in your mind things which happened earlier may be recorded, you may not know about it. Or sometimes when someone you don't like starts peeping your mind, these things can happen. It differs from person to person.",-0.3632,negative,afraid 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,3,"I mean when it comes to relationships with people, there’s nobody (and I mean it wholeheartedly) no one I can ever trust. It’s me alone in this world.... and it always have been like this",0.3818,positive,lonely 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,4,If there is any coincidence? Like any particular time you feel so? While sleeping? Travelling?,0.5362,positive,questioning 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,5,"Yes, examination time, mid-summer and many other times But these days are pretty different",0.7311,positive,nostalgic 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,6,"That's the problem. You will catious these times, you would be little worried. You got the answer I believe, or you want suggestions.? So that you have come over these?",-0.5672,negative,questioning 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_2,7,Especially these days,0.0,neutral,surprised 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,8,Thanks for clarifying that bot.....,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,9,A suggestion would be very appreciated,0.5563,positive,acknowledging 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,10,"Try to not take too much pressure on those times, but how? Try to deviate yourself little. Best practice would be try to meditate. Have you ever tried?",0.7287,positive,questioning 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,11,"It's just that some certain people are draining me a little extra, including people I genuinely appreciated, and now I lost all hope in every one around me, I just want to do my own thing without depending on others emotionally cause they always let me down.....",0.743,positive,sad 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,12,That's true. Remember those words you expressed that would be life changer. Try to meditate as well. As simple as breathing exercise. Gotcha? It would be added advantage for you.,0.7096,positive,agreeing 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,13,"I try to become more spiritual, maybe even go back to praying to God, he might be non-existent, which makes me trust him even more",0.7845,positive,faithful 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,listener_1,14,"That's fair enough. Instead trusting people and getting stabbed, perhaps you could just trust immortal ones. I wish you all the best though.",0.9231,positive,wishing 2227,depressed,Sometimes I can predict when or how I am going super low...,speaker,15,Thanks a bunch ❤️,0.4404,positive,wishing 2228,depressed,Classic story...,speaker,1,"I know this is reddit and i know you can’t solve my problem. I just want to share my story in short version. You are not alone in this shit earth. That all... Well i had nice time in past. But last few years - depresion. I have friends, i go to university and this is last year . But girlfriend - never. Never ever. Not even kiss. I was on date, and third date i try to kiss - she told me that is not ready. I was death inside me.. She has difficult history of life and I am not mad... (she was near death ) She give me few hugs and told me that she will call. but i’m now so sad that i want to take my pills that i have in home (i don’t drink psychiatric pills) and i am thinking about going to cementary. I can’t cry. I’m so empty inside. I can have 6 hourse of barbecue, i can go to coffee but i don’t feel good. I have good grades in one of top 3 univesity in country but i don’t feel like i did something in life. I have some medals in sport but i don’t have emotion about it. I was close to national team. I don’t feel nothing. Nothing. Like 0 success... My friends is now with GF on vacation, other is with with future wife. My family member is with GF on vacation. I see happy people around me. That is killing me. I do not feel jealous. I just want to be happy like that people. I was driving dad today with car and i start to cry in middle of driving. I was ready to drive fast and smash car to some wood. But i wasn’t alone im car (i don’t want to hurt other people because they aren’t guilty and i don’t have right to do anything bad to other) I always found some strength and managed to find solution, but now I have no power nor eat. I don’t in 1-2 days nothing. Only water. psychiatrists and pharmacists are unavailable here. And cost too much. I can’t pay. State give you only for hard cases, and you have only controls like 15 minutes... I read this section and i love you people. Don’t give up. I know is easy to say. That it. I know this is classic story.",0.8904,positive,lonely 2228,depressed,Classic story...,listener_1,2,"Each persons story is unique in their own way. The classic thing about everything is the pain people feel. Feeling empty, lost and like a failure is what everyone feels while they share their story and their feelings.",-0.6705,negative,sad 2228,depressed,Classic story...,speaker,3,All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” ― Leo Tolstoy,-0.2263,negative,sad 2228,depressed,Classic story...,speaker,4,"This is not point. No, in 21 st century isn’t too early. Special after her hugs and call. In that moment that was killing me. That moment of depresion. But that is just small thing in story. Whole situation, recent past, family issue and all that. That is problem. Nothing is over(in theory) but when people see me they comment - omg, what happened to you. I can’t hide that i’m empty. I cant be with people, after some time i look to one point and people see something is wrong.",-0.8402,negative,embarrassed 2229,depressed,SSRIs alternative,speaker,1,"What are the alternatives to SSRIs? I'm grateful for Lexapro, but wish I wasn't gaining so much weight and was little less robotic. Weirdly enough I remember feeling great after a course of taking fish oil, so I thought maybe there's a woo woo (or not so woo woo) alternative. CBD oil? Http something? I'm clueless, please, help 😁 Preferably, something available on Amazon, Iherb. Still want to be ""normal"" and function in society while taking less chemicals.",0.9617,positive,apprehensive 2229,depressed,SSRIs alternative,listener_1,2,St. Johns wart Biliboa extract Caffeine Research these perhaps,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2229,depressed,SSRIs alternative,speaker,3,Caffeine?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2229,depressed,SSRIs alternative,listener_1,4,"Yeah, it is an antagonist for the adenosine receptor. Works through a similar mechanism to welbutrin. That's my understanding anyways",-0.1779,negative,neutral 2229,depressed,SSRIs alternative,speaker,5,"Intriguing, thanks!",0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2230,depressed,I'm going to a evaluation to see if I am what I think I am. I've had nightmares and I can't sleep. I need help to ease my mind about it. Any tips and tricks will help.,speaker,1,Thanks in advance xx,0.4404,positive,wishing 2230,depressed,I'm going to a evaluation to see if I am what I think I am. I've had nightmares and I can't sleep. I need help to ease my mind about it. Any tips and tricks will help.,listener_1,2,Music. I have trouble going to sleep and use music everyday to go to sleep at night but wont go to sleep until 2am and will wake up 7 in the morning. Music just helps drown out my thoughts in my mind so i stop thinking completely.,-0.7729,negative,annoyed 2230,depressed,I'm going to a evaluation to see if I am what I think I am. I've had nightmares and I can't sleep. I need help to ease my mind about it. Any tips and tricks will help.,listener_2,3,"Really I legit never thought of that, all I did was look at the ceiling till I passed out",0.0,neutral,embarrassed 2230,depressed,I'm going to a evaluation to see if I am what I think I am. I've had nightmares and I can't sleep. I need help to ease my mind about it. Any tips and tricks will help.,listener_3,4,"In my case it brings a lot of the anxiety, that comes with knowing you’re not going to sleep (or sleep poorly) way down. Every little bit helps. Good luck!!!",0.7983,positive,wishing 2230,depressed,:(,listener_4,1,"Where do I start. I’m not loveable. There must be something not right with me. What am I doing wrong? Nothing stays the same. There’s no other explanation as to why people go other than myself. I’m the common problem. I’m not a keeper. Not somebody that is worth being with. I’m too insecure. It ruins it all. Puts doubts in people’s head that I don’t believe how they feel. But that’s just it. I really don’t. All my life I’ve been let down. Now it’s just a case of when it’ll happen eventually. People need to show me that I’m not as bad as I think I am. Yet it’s inevitable that I’m not good enough. I have to accept that. I need to. I’m that person people have in their lives to show them not to love people like me. I’m bad for them. I make them realise the traits in people who not to go for. A human purely to teach another a lesson. I’m broken and scarred. The emotional pain I have to deal with everyday gets too much sometimes. Even after years of feeling the same. It never hurts any less. If anything, it only gets worse. I have nobody. No friends. Nobody bothers with me, so why should I put effort into them? I’m always the one caring too much. Always the one who loves too much. I’m too much of everything. Too much of a burden. People shouldn’t have to deal with me. I’m exhausting. Even I get tired of myself. The depression is draining any emotion I have. The medicine makes it hard to feel anything. Destroys all emotions. The worst part about it is that taking them doesn’t help me. In any way. That’s why I don’t. I don’t want to not feel anything. I’d rather be depressed than never be loving again. If I’m too clingy, they go. If I’m more distant, they go. I can never win. I try my best to be who they deserve. I accept the love I think I’m worth. Whether or not I know I could do better or couldn’t. Everybody leaves. Words mean nothing. Promises are a lie. I’m a phase in people’s lives. Until they move on and find someone better or realise I’m not their type. Any excuse to abandon me. I have nobody. Love isn’t real. No one has ever treated me right. Gone through so much all at once. I want to die. I’m not sorry either. It’s not selfish. None of you care. I‘m always the one putting the effort in. Everything is one-sided. I have too many feelings. I get attached within days. I want somebody that would have stayed with me. I’m so alone. It’s too late now. Years of feeling like this and all it’s going to take is one more heartbreak and more regrets. My life is going nowhere. I’m empty. A dead soul in a young body.",-0.9931,negative,ashamed 2230,depressed,:(,listener_5,2,Even though I don't know you I care and I will be here when you need someone to talk to.,0.4939,positive,caring 2230,depressed,:(,listener_4,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2230,depressed,:(,listener_4,4,"I hate being alone though. That’s why I find it hard to say no to people in fear they won’t like me for not doing what they want. I’ve never had true friends. The ones I had were two-faced and argumentative. I couldn’t tell them anything. I feel like maybe I made a mistake by leaving my 6 month boyfriend for someone I knew a week. I’m not in the right state of mind to do anything right. I’m very impulsive. Never think before I do things. Now it’s too late to change anything. I felt like my ex could be the one considering how long we lasted, but his problems made me feel unsafe so I couldn’t stay. I gave him chances to change and he only proved he was going to after we broke up. Im vunerable and easily manipulated because I’m too nice. I took my ex of 4 years back every time he cheated. Which was over 7. Some with my own cousin. I guess I’ll never learn. I feel like I deserve to be like this because I broke 2 people’s heart in the same way. It’s like I care too much and then leave. I hate myself.",-0.3276,negative,lonely 2230,depressed,:(,listener_6,5,"It might not be too late. If you feel like you regret leaving your boyfriend then it could be worth sending him a well thought out email about how you regret your decision, but on the other hand, if you left him for a reason it might be for the best. If you feel like you are too easily manipulated, you can try working on it. Don’t worry about what other people think because deep down they will respect you more if you stay true to yourself and stick to what you feel is right or wrong. If you feel you are too impulsive then try thinking carefully before you act. It’s easy to do things in the heat of the moment but it’s always worth taking a while to think about it in case you change your mind. Also- you say you hate being alone and I can understand that but being alone can also feel more peaceful and give you more of a chance to reflect on your life and your situation. It might be worth giving yourself a bit of time each day to just reflect on yourself and your life. Sometimes it can help you to think of the things you appreciate in your life and the things you are better off without.",0.988,positive,trusting 2230,depressed,:(,listener_4,6,I must admit. I was alot more stable when I was single. Nobody to worry about. Could do anything I want. In relationships I respect boundaries but feel too restricted in case I do anything they won’t agree with. My actions always revolve around them and I always check with them if they’d be ok if I did a certain thing. I hate having to approve my life but it’s all I’ve ever done,0.1646,positive,trusting 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,speaker,1,"When the Lightning’s struck trough the darkness of the night without the rain or thunder, I knew I was drowned in my own pain. Not able to scream or cry anymore. Just be able to watch myself suffer in silence. With every lighting flash lighting up my face I saw my own live passing by, struck by struck.",-0.9555,negative,sad 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,listener_1,2,Did you write that?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,speaker,3,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,listener_1,4,"In all my years in high school and college back in the day, I have rarely read anything so well written. Especially since I read that during a thunderstorm at home yesterday. Can I steal that for my book of quotes? And next time you write something like that, please let me know!",0.5623,positive,impressed 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,speaker,5,I am honestly really honored bc eng. isn't my first language and ofcourse you can use it.,0.7959999999999999,positive,proud 2231,depressed,The Darkest Night,listener_1,6,Well you should be very proud of that. I read it to some of my coworkers and they all really liked it! Very nicely done and please message me directly with anything else you come up with! I want to make sure I don’t miss it. Nice job! 😀,0.965,positive,acknowledging 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,speaker,1,"Im sitting in a toilet stall. I’m trying my best to suppress my crying. My sobbing. Life has been so fucking difficult. I can barely type because I can’t see anything with tears running down my face. Me and my boyfriend are constantly fighting because we’re both jealous motherfuckers. He tells me to always say what’s wrong, and when I do he gets so mad because 90% of the time it’s because of him. I’m so empty inside. I have happy times, I can laugh and enjoy life, but the darkness always takes over. I’m not happy anymore. I’m not me anymore. I hate myself and anyone who tells me that I’m pretty, funny, a nice friend ect. will be seen as liars in my eyes. I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m worthless. Honestly completely, utterly worthless. If I’m lucky I will be involved in a car crash. Maybe killed in my sleep. I’m afraid to die but at least it will end the suffering. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m mean to my family because I have misophonia. I can’t be in the same room as my mom without tearing up from anger. I hate being this way towards them. My mom is visibly upset because of this. I can see she struggles to smile when I am being mean to her. I don’t mean to. I don’t know how to stop because I’m a self-pitying monster. I don’t remember the last time something WASN’T wrong in my life. There’s always something to complain about and to be sad about. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’ve had so many people hurt me. I’m not strong anymore. I can’t fucking do this.",-0.996,negative,embarrassed 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,listener_1,2,"1: Boyfriend As hard as it may sound, maybe he isn’t just the right one for you. It is awesome that you tell him everything that bothers you, but if he can’t handle the truth and accept that he isnt perfect than you may think about ending it because that sounds very toxic to me. 2: Family and your mother in specific I hope you tried to talk to her about that you didn’t mean to be rude to her because maybe she just don’t understand (I don’t know how old you are but maybe she thinks it’s because of puberty or something like that?) Just tell her the truth that you have problems and maybe you could talk to your mother about seeing a doctor with you. 3: Suicide Thoughts I can relate to any of your feelings about choosing the „easy way“ because you kept fighting with your inner demons for too long and just don’t feel strong enough anymore. I too had suicide thoughts for a very long time. But I once was reading a quote that says: „Das Leben gibt dir nur die Aufgaben, von der es denkt, dass du stark genug bist sie zu meistern.“ Which roughly translated means something like: „life is only giving you the challenges that you are strong enough to master.“ But give it all the time you have, healing and being ok is taking some time. Don’t force it. That’s all I can say about it and I wish you all the best for your future. And always remember: „A diamond is a chunk of coal that did very well under pressure.“ helped me in bad times too :) You are going to be okay!",0.9561,positive,suggesting 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,speaker,3,This is literally what I needed to hear to get through this week. Thank you so much:O <3,0.3612,positive,grateful 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,listener_1,4,You are welcome :),0.7184,positive,wishing 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,speaker,5,"This is how our relationship is 2% of the time. I cant live without him, I need him in my life. He needs me. I know he loves me dearly and he apologises a lot. Most of the things we fight about is because I get overly jealous. We’re working on it together. My depression does not have anything to do with our relationship as far as I know. It has been there for years and I don’t have one specific reason for it. It’s just there. I know breaking up with him would probably make me able to work on myself but I can do that with him too. I hope you understand, I might have over exaggerated the relationship part. He is very sweet and loving. :)",0.958,positive,sad 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,listener_2,6,"Hey, I'm not judging. :) What keeps you from working on yourself? What do you do on day-to-day life? Is it inappropriate to ask?",-0.4624,negative,questioning 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,speaker,7,Well tbh nothing really keeps me from it. I’m just a self-pitying loser so like maybe I want my life to be hard. I can’t really think of a reason it’s just how it is atm.,0.2123,positive,disappointed 2232,depressed,I dont know how much more i can live like this.,listener_2,8,"So, your life is exactly how you want it to be. That's a win. Most people don't get what they want. You managed to accomplish, what most of us can't. Cudos! Honestly, life gets pretty dull without conflicts, your attraction to them is totally understandable. Maybe, when you get tired of wanting your life to be hard, you'd want something else for a change, and achieve that too. Since you get used to get what you want.",0.5448,positive,proud 2233,depressed,I’m tired,speaker,1,"Of the highs, of the lows. It just seems no matter what I do in life I come up short. I’m a screw up and always have been. I don’t see a reason to keep going. I thought I found one but it could easily be taken from me. I think too much and don’t know how to stop. I want my brain to shut off but it won’t. There’s one way but I couldn’t do it. But I get closer everyday.",0.0292,neutral,disappointed 2233,depressed,I’m tired,listener_1,2,"Hang in there, I know it’s extremely difficult, but I promise you there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. I have complete faith that you can get through this!",0.7223,positive,faithful 2233,depressed,I’m tired,speaker,3,I’m trying so hard. But that lights fades all the time.,-0.1111,negative,annoyed 2233,depressed,I’m tired,listener_2,4,"wow, i went through the same thing this year. so painful. all my fault too. so now i live in hell with the incredible loss and my regrets",-0.9069,negative,neutral 2233,depressed,I’m tired,speaker,5,What if the one thing that makes me happy right now is also the thing that brings me down? I don’t find happiness like I used to. I’m counting on one thing to hopefully pull me out of this but it just as easily can kill my mood. I know I put too much faith into that one thing but it’s the only thing I can say I’ve ever truly wanted like with all my being.,0.9118,positive,disappointed 2233,depressed,I’m tired,listener_3,6,"I’ve felt the same way in that I put too much investment into one thing but it often makes me feel more miserable than happy. Sometimes you just have to decide whether that one thing is worth the pain it can also make you feel. I know it’s easier said than done but often you have to try to adopt a different state of mind in order to feel happier. I used to try subliminal messages to reprogram my mind to think more positively and feel happier in myself. Once you’ve trained your mind to think more positively it’s easier to find things which make you feel happier. If you’ve felt happy in the past it’s likely you will feel it again, maybe even when you least expect it.",0.9908,positive,sad 2233,depressed,I’m tired,speaker,7,I want it to be worth it I believe it is but idk what I’m gonna do if it doesn’t work out. I’ve been trying to reprogram my mind. I was doing really good for a bit but now I’m so low that I feel worse off,-0.5381,negative,devastated 2234,depressed,I feel lost,speaker,1,"I’ve been out of a relationship that almost lasted 5 years. She broke up with me abruptly and I didn’t see it coming. Knowing her and her usual mental indecisiveness I decided to support her through the break and the break up assuming that it would blow over if I gave her space and time... it didn’t. After 3 months I’m still here madly in love with her still thinking she would be the love of my life, but I just found out she’s been going out on some dates. All that time down the drain, and I feel empty. I’ve felt lost and confused before this, but now I’m just completely empty and my mind won’t listen to me, continually wandering into thoughts that would only drive me into a deeper state. I know I should just be strong and say fuck it I need to move on, but my brain won’t stop pushing back into a space of self pity, resentment, sadness, and sometimes even the thought of suicide has felt like a relief once in a while. Thank you for letting me express myself.",-0.9538,negative,trusting 2234,depressed,I feel lost,listener_1,2,"Reading that made me feel teary because I can relate. It’s been 3/4 months since things ended between us. I was doing okish for a while but then recently he came back to me thinking he had romantic feelings still. I met up and it turned out he felt nothing romantic for me which really hurt. Although it can hurt so much at this stage, time really does heal. It’s just a matter of taking each day as it comes, and slowly it will become easier. It’s been months for me too and it still depresses me but my advice would be to try and distract yourself as much as possible until you find yourself thinking of the break up less. I’ve made the mistake of dwelling way too much in the nostalgia of when things were going well but sometimes it takes a lot of mental effort to turn those thoughts towards something else. For now its probably a good idea to try focusing on yourself and what makes you truly happy, and who you want to be as a person. Maybe you could try pursuing new hobbies or working on trying to become more positive. Personally, bird watching in beautiful places can make me feel at peace and forget about things. In time it’s possible that you could meet someone who truly loves you for you who are when you least except it. Stay positive and remember that you are not alone. xx",0.9869,positive,sentimental 2234,depressed,I feel lost,speaker,3,That feeling of still loving someone with no reciprocation can be so destructive to mental state and emotional state. I’m sorry and thank you so much for your advice. It never really occurred to me to try to take in nature as a form of healing or distraction. Thank you so much for your message it means a lot that someone would take their time to write something like this for a stranger.,0.3146,positive,sympathizing 2234,depressed,I feel lost,listener_1,4,You’re welcome. It’s good to know that I can be of some comfort in such a difficult time. I find the beauty of nature very therapeutic so I hope you can find some peace from it. x,0.9467,positive,grateful 2235,depressed,Fuck all of y'all,speaker,1,"I mean, fuck people. I'm sick of livin the same routine day by day. Everybody hates me, so I see no reason why I am supposed to love em. I understand you hate me, but you need to understand that I don't need you, but I need somebody to help me stand up from cold concrete. I got no real friend. Nobody who gives a single fuck bout me. And then I'm tired of all the bullshit about that I'm 12 and I can't be depressed, BECAUSE I FUCKIN CAN. I get why people say this, because everybody who is in this age thinks he's depressed because he listens to Xxxtentacion or Billie Eilish (Nothin against Artists, but fans). That's it.",-0.9756,negative,lonely 2235,depressed,Fuck all of y'all,listener_1,2,"Fuck you too, buddy.",-0.5423,negative,agreeing 2235,depressed,Fuck all of y'all,listener_2,3,You aren’t helping,0.29600000000000004,positive,sad 2235,depressed,Fuck all of y'all,listener_1,4,"Well, gee, I didn't know that. Thanks for informing me.",-0.0788,negative,neutral 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,1,"I'm ready for it to all end, the fake friends, self medicate the scars(don't have problem with) , the Bs in family I want to go sleep and not wake up..",0.6197,positive,prepared 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,2,"man, dont end ur life. trust me, life is a terrible, terrible ""game"", but u will always have some true friends to talk to.",0.7845,positive,neutral 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,3,True sometimes friends feel fake every time I try to tell em I want to die they just take me to a party and get drunk at this point that's all I know what to do.,-0.128,negative,trusting 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,4,"have u tried telling a family member or a trusted adult? thats the best way to go about things. i feel for u man, and i hope it gets better.",0.9201,positive,consoling 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,5,I've been through it with family tbh I hate it therapy sucked but the only way I think I get the most help is people that going through the same thing and it's great advice on here,0.8068,positive,agreeing 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,6,u should try to find someone going trough the same and talk to them about it,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,7,I have with my friend we've been friends since pre-k and he's been through a lot of stuff like me we are pretty much brothers and it's when I'm with friends that I feel up lifted and not depressed,0.9501,positive,grateful 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,8,thats good. try to get out with your friends as much as you can to try and distract yourself from any problems u may face. best wishes to u,0.7845,positive,wishing 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,9,Yea when we hang out all day and we separate bad thoughts begin but I still try to stay positive,0.5647,positive,consoling 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,10,thats great man. i find its always good to have someone that u can tell anything. it makes things a lot easier.,0.8689,positive,acknowledging 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,11,Yea it does,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,12,"good luck in life bro. just remember that even tho life may be shitty, in the end it will get better with help. im also in the same position as u, with fake friends. hopefully life will get better for the both of us.",0.91,positive,consoling 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,13,"Amen to that hope you have a good life, keep the good vibes keep out the bad",0.6369,positive,encouraging 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,listener_1,14,thanks man,0.4404,positive,wishing 2236,depressed,Tired of it all,speaker,15,No prob,-0.29600000000000004,negative,apprehensive 2237,depressed,"No Health Insurance, No Money...What Do?",speaker,1,"I don't know why I'm even posting this. I'm not crying for attention. I guess I just want to expose ""it"" and hope there is some strength gained on my part or power lost on the other side... I am so deeply depressed right now. Utterly hopeless. I have lost all interest in any and everything. I see no end to it for the most part and the few images of an end to it all absolutely frighten me. I don't know if this is a phase, a battle, some sort of side effect of my last seizure (I have epilepsy and had a seizure last week and I've not ""felt"" the same since), or what... I am living in an almost constant fear of myself. I don't know what to do and I don't know where this all ends. I have no health insurance. I have no money. I don't have any way, afaik, to seek professional help. I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't even be saying anything...there are plenty of others, close friends of mine, even, who have it much harder than myself. I'm sorry.",-0.7525,negative,afraid 2237,depressed,"No Health Insurance, No Money...What Do?",listener_1,2,"Hi my friend. First, take a deep breath. You will think clearer if you can calm your mind. There are a lot of places that offer insurance-free health care. Try https://www.freeclinics.com/ to find a low-cost clinic if you live in the United States. My doctor has her own clinic, but also volunteers at the clinic I go to. I don't have insurance, but the visits are income-based, which means my visits cost $30 each, and meds cost $15-$30. Doctors can prescribe antidepressants or sedatives, so if you need meds for emotional health, they can help you that way.",0.8807,positive,grateful 2237,depressed,"No Health Insurance, No Money...What Do?",listener_1,3,"Let them know you have no money and they will most likely work with you. Emphasize that you can't get any tests done unless they are free or very low cost. If they don't work with you, try another doctor at the same clinic, or a new clinic altogether.",-0.0754,negative,agreeing 2237,depressed,"No Health Insurance, No Money...What Do?",listener_1,4,You're welcome. Let me know how it goes.,0.4588,positive,encouraging 2238,depressed,I don’t know where I’m going in life...,speaker,1,"Alright, so I’m 30 and I understand that is still young. I get that I shouldn’t feel the way I do because I still have lots of time to figure my s*!@ out. However, life has started to discourage me and I don’t know at this point if my life is really worth it at this point. I am at another dead end job, except this one doesn’t pay as good as the last one. And I can’t mentally handle doing two jobs again. I have never moved up in any job I’ve ever had. I’ve worked jobs for as little as three months and as long as six years. I have always started and stayed at the bottom. Not that I haven’t learned a lot from being at the bottom. I could probably do a job higher than the bottom with little to no training now. However, due to my lack of experience I have to start at the bottom and work my way up. Just so we are clear, the reason I left my last job for my current one knowing full well the pay was less was because I was promised lots of options to move up. Once actually in the position I’ve come to realize that there is little to NO opportunity to move up and even if there was, I won’t be paid as much as I was being paid at the bottom at my last job. It makes no sense for me. So I’ve been looking for another job. Here’s where I’m getting discouraged. The jobs I’ve successfully gotten interviewed for all have told me the same thing. I’m competing for the job with 25+ other people AND they all have more experience than I do. It’s not like I’m looking for jobs I can’t do. But I don’t understand how I am to get more experience if I can’t move up in any of my jobs and I can’t compete with people who have the experience. I don’t know or understand how to network. I don’t know anyone who can help me find something better. Honestly I’m at a loss and just want to lay in my bed and cry. At this point, I’d rather consider the option for welfare. Give up my car, have the government pay me to sit at home and continue to be depressed. It’s safer than me driving everyday to a job that is going nowhere only for me to be tempted to crash my car and hopefully die. I’m over feeling this way! I want better for me, but I don’t know how to get there. It’s not that I don’t work hard. I can do my job very well no matter what it is. But it isn’t getting me anywhere!",0.5311,positive,apprehensive 2238,depressed,I don’t know where I’m going in life...,listener_1,2,"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're basing your value on your job and your job only... There is a difference between monetary success and quality of life. If you increase your quality of life you might find yourself happier regardless of the job.",0.9578,positive,agreeing 2238,depressed,I don’t know where I’m going in life...,speaker,3,"How do I do that? I just feel like if I don’t have anything to show for in my job and I don’t have anything to show for my personal life then really what do I have to show that I’ve accomplished in my life? I don’t have kids, I don’t have anyone who loves me... I’m the odd person out on my family because they all have something and I have nothing... I don’t have anything in my life currently that makes me happy and I don’t necessarily mean things...",0.897,positive,lonely 2238,depressed,I don’t know where I’m going in life...,listener_1,4,"Because quality of life is based on personality, it's difficult to know what you should do to increase your quality of life. I suggest starting with exercise and learning how to cook. If you want more ideas, let me know.",0.0258,neutral,suggesting 2239,depressed,Should not be this hard,speaker,1," Just trying to put myself together. Life should not be this hard!! I battle depression and heavy depression. I have attempted suicide 3 times.... Btw it did not work... I tried 2 overdose and 1 bullet. The gun worked but the bullet had no primer in it. I carried that for years. Now hear I am again knocking on that door again... When I say life should not be this hard this is where I am. A couple years ago I woke up and lost my life. I fell to the ground and could not walk. My fingers got as big as German hotdogs. I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis...Ra from here out.. it is a autoimmune disease. So I take up to 9 or so pills daily and shots. Light chemo to kill my immune system. It is in my lungs, muscles and heart. I have a hard time walking without taking a break.. as in less than 300'.. sometimes I go to bathroom and I'm out of breath. I've always been a blue collar worker and outside guy. I'm 51 now... I'm tired... I'm so ready to go.. I was a firm believer in GOD but now I question that also.. I've been think hard about this and I'm 99% ready... Just have to finalize a few things... I don't have anyone that I can talk to...only best friend died 6 month ago. I'm just putting this out so I can reflect on it from time to time till the time is gone. I'll update as I go. Thanks for reading",0.3865,positive,ashamed 2239,depressed,Should not be this hard,listener_1,2,"I truly hope that you can find peace, do you have any resources that you can access regarding any type of counseling or psychiatric help?",0.9001,positive,consoling 2239,depressed,Should not be this hard,speaker,3,Yes. I have talked with a couple. Thanks.,0.6808,positive,questioning 2239,depressed,Should not be this hard,listener_2,4,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2240,depressed,What's the worst thing that has happened to you this week?,speaker,1,"For me? Well shit! Which one do I choose? Getting rear ended by a car off the freeway ramp? That pushes you into the car next to you breaking your bumper and shattering your tail light? How about being stuck inside an attic that's 120° inside? Having to go in and out of said attic because the wire you're supposed to run in there got stuck? Maybe even your serpentine belt breaking and almost totaling your engine? Lol fuck that, let it happen twice because the second belt was too loose. How about being a total fucking prickly cunt to the person you still love and still want them in your life? Shit, man. Imagine after all of that happening, you find the easiest way to make it all end by grabbing a 400 amp electrical line that just so happens to be in front of you, and the two people that you think couldn't care any less about you throw themselves at you because you almost went through with it. What's the worst thing that's happened? I'm still alive.",-0.945,negative,apprehensive 2240,depressed,What's the worst thing that has happened to you this week?,listener_1,2,Fuck dude. I just wanna give you a hug. Your still here. Game on.,-0.1027,negative,acknowledging 2240,depressed,What's the worst thing that has happened to you this week?,speaker,3,I was the same in college. I hate online classes cause I get too easily distracted. I either failed or got dropped from all online classes. Even the regular classes were shitty cause I just don't do well in school. I half-assed every assignment and got by with either B's or C's.,-0.9084,negative,ashamed 2241,depressed,Single Male Internet Support Group,speaker,1,"Hello brothers, I have took it upon myself to create a discord server to attempt and meet/chat with other singles guys that have problems ranging from A to Z so that we can form relationships with one another and be there for one another in our struggles. I want to create a community that supports one another through love and brotherhood . Prerequisites: -Must be single -Must be a male Please PM me if you are interested so I can send you the discord link, thanks.",0.8176,positive,trusting 2241,depressed,Single Male Internet Support Group,listener_1,2,Sounds a little gay,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2241,depressed,Single Male Internet Support Group,speaker,3,Suit yourself,0.0,neutral,prepared 2241,depressed,Single Male Internet Support Group,listener_1,4,😏,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2242,depressed,First date of my life cancelled... Again,speaker,1,"One of the few things I've ever wanted in life was a relationship, someone I could spend time with and make memories with. But growing up in a religious Muslim household (I'm an athiest), so technically im not really allowed to date, I just turned 22 yesterday, and can't really live on my own because of school and financial reasons, but that's another story. Throughout highschool I liked a lot of girls, rejected each time or I didn't have the balls to talk to them. School life was a bitch, especially since my best friend started dating the girl I had been in love with for 3 years. But anyways, in college it was the same story, liked a girl here or there, always rejected. but whatever, It's life, shit happens and you move on. Then there was this special girl, I started liking her since the day I met her, she liked me back as well, but she had just gotten out of a 3 year long relationship. I asked her out but she said she would like to wait for a while before getting into another relationship, so I waited... 3 months. But during that time we spent a lot of time together and ended up very close, talked on the phone every single day for hours... Then out of nowhere she gets back with her abusive ex. (Took 3 years to get over that) Fast forward to now, my family moved states and it's been a year, I still have no friends, and no social life. Had a couple matches on tinder, both cancelled on me THE DAY of the date. Shit happens, it's life, and you move on. That's what I keep telling myself every time, to not lose hope. But now, a few days ago, matched with this amazing girl, been messaging for the last few days to find out we have a lot in common, she's pretty close to being perfect, I asked her out for Saturday morning and she agreed. I have never been more anxious about anything as much as this, kept telling myself that nothing will happen this time, the date will actually happen and nothing will get in the way of it... But today on my birthday, the day before the date... I get ghosted. She hasnted even opened my snaps or replied to any messages in the last day and half, not that I've spammed her, only sent a couple messages. Can't even confirm if we still are going tomorrow morning, because she lives an hour away so I'd like to know before leaving. After an entire life of pushing myself to keep hope... This feels like the final straw.",0.9891,positive,lonely 2243,depressed,Don’t recruit here,speaker,1,I don’t use this sub a lot and I don’t know the community very well. But one thing I do know is that this is not the place to recruit people into your religion or organization. It makes me sick people try and convert people in their worst of times.,-0.8861,negative,disgusted 2243,depressed,Don’t recruit here,listener_1,2,"Have you seen any recent examples of this that we missed. It's actually a rule in the sidebar, to not promote religious ideology.",-0.5242,negative,annoyed 2243,depressed,Don’t recruit here,speaker,3,Ya pm me I’ll send his user name and a ss of what he said and some of his other comments on similar threads,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2244,depressed,I’m Bisexual... and there’s more...I’m ten...,speaker,1,"So I’m Bisexual and I don’t know if there homophobic and I don’t know what is going to be there reaction, and lately I’ve been thinking about my dad because he didn’t take care with me and a a half hour was like the most I spent with him and my mom was a single mom, and I’m now thinking why he left me and I’ve been going to therapy and nothing my depression is going hardcore. My stepdad will yell at me if I do something bad and before my moms boyfriend abused me sexually and just assaulting he would make me touch his private and master bate for him and he would choke me ( he would stick his fingers in my throat) Example : I ask for ice cream one day the next day I’ll ask again he got angry at me and choke me, so now when my dad yells at me I would cry and sob and think he would do the same as my moms old boyfriend. I recently got a dog and my parents said it wouldn’t work out so they took him back and that I wouldn’t get depression with him so I got depression again and went back to therapy...",-0.9763,negative,apprehensive 2244,depressed,I’m Bisexual... and there’s more...I’m ten...,listener_1,2,I think this would be a good post to show to your therapist.,0.4404,positive,suggesting 2244,depressed,I’m Bisexual... and there’s more...I’m ten...,speaker,3,Thanks for saying that I I’ll and it might help,0.6808,positive,hopeful 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,speaker,1,I'm gonna break it down a little. Ight so I like this girl but she is deadly in love with another guy and I've slid in to the dms and I see the stuff she posts of him and I don't want to get in middle of it. I like her to much to ruin it for her or her future relationship with him idk what to do other then be friends and just convince myself I'm not worth the time and we would be better off not trying. *(As far as I know they not together)* It's been going on for a couple weeks have anyone else been here I have no idea what to do,0.8887,positive,apprehensive 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,listener_1,2,Sounds like she needs time to figure out if there’s a chance with the guy she likes. Once she figures out what to do concerning him then you’ll know whether you should make a move or not.,0.743,positive,acknowledging 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,speaker,3,Yea tbh I kinda gave up but talked to a guy should keep trying,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,listener_1,4,This must be something that stays in the back of your mind. It’s okay to put it aside for now. Maybe you can check back in the future? I know how awful it feels when someone you want doesn’t seem to want you back. Doesn’t mean you’re not worth it. Def a horrible feeling though.,-0.6329,negative,suggesting 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,speaker,5,Yea originally I was just gonna give up wait for awile and till then drink these dam emotions away,0.0,neutral,sad 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,listener_1,6,I understand that... 🍸,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,speaker,7,Hell yea sadly ain't got anything rn 😢,-0.8885,negative,lonely 2245,depressed,I like her but she likes someone else,listener_1,8,Precisely why I’m going to sleep rn.,0.0,neutral,confident 2246,depressed,Kill me now,speaker,1,"I hate being alive rn , I feel like I'm very alone and everyone takes me for granted , even my friends. I think they can easily replace me , I get attached too easily, I hate myself , I hate everyone , I just don't feel right within me , like it's telling me to stop immediately ,to stop living.",-0.3167,negative,lonely 2246,depressed,Kill me now,listener_1,2,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2246,depressed,Kill me now,speaker,3,"Even when sometimes I'm happy , I know theres the feeling of perpetual sadness and willingness to die always present at the back of my head,it's always there just sometimes in less amount.",-0.128,negative,sad 2247,depressed,I found my place,speaker,1,I was really depressed. Now I joined the Church of Cannabis and I'm helping cancer patients. You guys should try community service. People are out there that need you. YOU'RE NEEDED YOUR NOT WORTHLESS,-0.5920000000000001,negative,faithful 2247,depressed,I found my place,listener_1,2,Is that a real organization or you mean just get high? Well I get high all time and I can’t shake my thoughts and memories. I put myself in bad situations so tell me more? Please,-0.2185,negative,questioning 2247,depressed,I found my place,speaker,3,"It is 14 people. We go out and get cancer patients and shit high. Getting high alone is good, but getting high with someone who needs it gives you purpose.",-0.5499,negative,faithful 2248,depressed,What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through,speaker,1,?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2248,depressed,What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through,listener_1,2,My father went to jail because of people owns money from him and I don't know when he will come back.,0.0,neutral,devastated 2248,depressed,What’s the hardest thing you’ve been through,speaker,3,That’s sad I really hope it gets better for you. Best of luck goes to you,0.8805,positive,consoling 2249,depressed,Why do people only want to be my friend when they know I’m single,speaker,1,"It hurts to know that people will completely cut me off when they find out I’m dating someone, but the second they see I’m single on social media all they want to do is talk to me and be friends again. I feel like I have no real friends because of it.",-0.0071,neutral,lonely 2249,depressed,Why do people only want to be my friend when they know I’m single,listener_1,2,"No friends? Join the club I’m all seriousness it’s annoying I get it. Not all people are like that and I suggest going out. If you’re attempting to find friends online you’re gonna be in for a long long ride of crap. It’s difficult, different and a totally weird dynamic",-0.6068,negative,lonely 2249,depressed,Why do people only want to be my friend when they know I’m single,speaker,3,"I feel like the only “friends” I can trust are close family friends, everyone else I’ve known since high school only hit me up in times when I’m not looking and I just want some platonic and friendly company. It hurts seeing them treat me like this instead of a friend they actually care about. I’ve been trying to go out more, but it’s hard with my schedule ):",0.6433,positive,lonely 2249,depressed,Why do people only want to be my friend when they know I’m single,listener_1,4,At least you have people,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2250,depressed,"After months of depression, finally clawing myself out...",speaker,1,"I've been living like a degenerate for about half a year, but I finally managed to eek out the will to at least clean the garbage in my room a week ago. Today, my goal is to do the same for my car and hell maybe even do my laundry. I know these are basic skills but I've been letting the crap pile up for too long and well... Baby steps yeah? I hope some of you manage to find the will to do one, even if tiny positive thing for yourself. Cheers.",0.9161,positive,hopeful 2250,depressed,"After months of depression, finally clawing myself out...",listener_1,2,I got out of bed a few times today. Unfortunately I’m right back in bed and probably will remain here for the night. Good for you for clawing your way out.,0.128,positive,sad 2250,depressed,"After months of depression, finally clawing myself out...",speaker,3,"Thanks for your kind words man. This may sound empty but at least you tried man, and so long as you try you have some semblence of a way out of this funk. I wish you the best.",0.9201,positive,wishing 2251,depressed,Quick moments where i feel nothing,speaker,1,"I'm 13 and i don't do well in school i never really knew why and i'm never able to keep on doing one thing and my house doesn't get much better. My step mother and father fight a lot usually keeping me up at night and my two younger brothers are completely oblivious to my situation. My older brother who is now soon to be going into college isn't much help either. At one point in time he was also ""depressed"" and he doesn't know that i know he almost tried to kill himself. He ended up going to therapy which of course cost money. My father complained about the money loss. I cant tell anyone about the situation because no one would know how to deal with it. My father would either think that i am lying or exaggerating. or he would think i'm mentally crazy and say that he would send me to the manicomio which is Spanish to madhouse or asylum. Sometimes i am walking around my house and there are quick feelings where i feel absolutely empty inside as if there were no feelings at all and i feel like i'm watching myself from someone elses point of view. Like there is just a void in me which doesn't let feel anything . Almost as if there were a portal in me sucking all the feelings out of me. I spend most of my day in bed watching t.v. and if my parents work in the morning that leaves me to take care of my little brothers which mostly includes just making breakfast for them then i would go outside onto the roof to smoke cannabis to feel something or to make myself feel ""better"" but in the end it wears off and no happy feelings stay or nothing at all.",-0.9366,negative,annoyed 2251,depressed,Quick moments where i feel nothing,listener_1,2,13 or 23 ? I got confused because you said 2 younger brothers and one is going soon to college. However. I feel that way too pretty often. I don't talk with anyone except when I'm at work. I pretend there to be another person because I need money to live. But this life sucks. It's like there are no emotions but we all are blinded by others. Just living day by day. I dunno if that goes ever away.,-0.3716,negative,lonely 2251,depressed,Quick moments where i feel nothing,speaker,3,13 and yeah it sucks but i have two younger brothers and one older brother so in total three brothers,-0.0387,neutral,neutral 2251,depressed,Quick moments where i feel nothing,listener_1,4,I see. I'm sorry I misunderstood. Well I wish I could come up with some high class motivational quotes and stuff to make you feel better. But that would be a lie. The situation remains the same and as much as you might feel better after some time you would feel the same because your situation hasn't changed. Motivation and a positive mindset comes from the inside. All I can tell is what I experienced. And yes I was 2 years in treatment and 4 months in a psychiatry and endless times in a hospital... doctors mostly talk stuff to make you feel better. Sometimes it works. For me it didn't. But what actually worked for me is having goals and working towards it and feeling a satisfaction to achieve them. At age of 16 it got all worse that I wanted to die. Instead I decided to plan to move out. I took every way to make money to move out to live my own life. Well it was an up and down way because I had to learn much but 7 years later and I realised my goal and have a piece of mind. Just focus on what you want and don't give a fuck what others say. Everyone carries their bullshit.,0.9165,positive,sad 2252,depressed,What if they reject me?,speaker,1,What if? What if I'm wasting my time? What if I'm not as sad as I think I am? What if its worse than I think? What if I just left? What if I tell someone? What if they shrug it off? What if they reject me? What if I become alone again? What if my family knew? What if I pulled myself together? What if it'll get better? What if it doesn't? What if I just go back too sleep I'm thinking too much.,-0.7189,negative,afraid 2252,depressed,What if they reject me?,listener_1,2,"Hey. If you need anything, PM me. Or anyone, really. Just chat with someone, and maybe it can help you a little. As a good friend of mine always says, take baby steps. You can’t do it all in one night, nor possibly even one year. But as long as you keep taking those steps, you’ll make it to the finish line.",0.5815,positive,suggesting 2252,depressed,What if they reject me?,listener_2,3,Yea man just dm one of us and we'll be here till the end as much as we can. We all can help out each other no matter what,0.3871,positive,faithful 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,speaker,1,I've lived with my brother and his fiancee for the last few years. I moved in with him when I was 17 and haven't had the ability to survive on my own. Recently they got married and I have been asked to move out so they can get on with their lives. I have the second biggest bedroom of their 3 bedroom aparrment and every day they come in and size the place up telling me they can't wait to do this and that to the room. I know they don't mean anything bad but they don't realize what it means to me. I secured my own apartment but was told it would take a few weeks to renovate. In the meantime my brother tells me to call every day (it has been 4 days since they told me the place was mine and it needed some minor renovations) and urges me to push to move in sooner. I know life can't stay the same forever but I really wish people would realize how it feels to be forced out of your own life.,0.6103,positive,annoyed 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_1,2,Tbh i cant wait for myself to move out. I wanna go to a place where they will never find me. Somewhere in japan. But to be forced out of something is something i dont want to do. Done it too many times to realise that its just not worth it. Comfort zones are there for a reason. You take that away and all you have is a hard life. Hard to sleep. Hard to breathe.,-0.8956,negative,anxious 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_2,3,"I disagree. Don't cut them off, they let you live with them after all. Maybe sit down with and tell them how they make you feel and they'll probably apologize and say they're just excited for their marriage. It doesn't mean they don't enjoy having you around, but it's perfectly reasonable for them to ask you to leave, especially if you have the opportunity to you own apartment.",0.8718,positive,suggesting 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_3,4,"Yeah no. They agreed to take OP in. They agreed to be there for OP. In their perspective probably, their excited for their new life and marriage. They were ignorant to OP's feelings. I know this wasn't meant as an attack but it is. You're saying OP is selfish for feeling unwanted after being, technically, forced out of their comfort zone. They should have talked it over, they should have sat down with OP and assure them that they are just excited for their new marriage and don't want OP to feel unwanted.",-0.2921,negative,trusting 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_4,5,"The girlfriend too. He’s family, and the girlfriend doesn’t seem to be making anything easier for OP either. So I absolutely agree with you.",0.7056,positive,agreeing 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_5,6,"That I understand but the asking him to call about the apartment every single day, coming in the room he stays in all the time measuring things, constant hounding about making them speed up, etc seems to me like they are trying to be rude. Everyone knows renovation takes some time, not just 1 day, they should know that yet they do these things like he has control over the speed of the renovation. If it is every single day, they have to know it's making him at least a little uncomfortable excited or not. And yea the cutting them out maybe a little harsh (I tend to mix my personal feelings of my own family when reading things like this) I agree but I would definitely tell them they are making it come off as rude or making him feel like a burden or something. He is trying and he has a place so they should know it's just a matter of time now and he is trying.",0.3942,positive,annoyed 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,listener_3,7,"IMO, it isn't reasonable, but it can be understood. I mean, their asking you to leave your comfort zone. And, just because they let you live with them, does not mean that they were ignorant to OP's feelings. I hope they do talk it over and go past this, but it isn't reasonable for them to so blatantly ask you to leave, but I do understand why they did that.",0.5927,positive,neutral 2253,depressed,I'm moving out on my own for the first time and everyone can't wait for me to go.,speaker,8,"No, tbh my brother isn't the charitable type. He is very generous, sure. But he doesn't care about my feelings, he never has. I would never be able to voice why I feel he has been inconsiderate without being told my feelings are irrelevant as he lets me live with him. Even though I pay rent to him.",-0.7532,negative,angry 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,speaker,1,"My girlfriend has been acting odd and extremely sad, is there any ways I can cheer her up? I just don’t want to lose her, she’s the most wholesome woman I’ve ever met. Please help.",0.0534,positive,caring 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,listener_1,2,[Supportiv](https://www.supportiv.com/tutorial) has an online chat you can use free for the first 24 hours - it's a good place to get relationship advice. Hope you can get some help :( [https://www.supportiv.com/tools/relationship-chat-room-get-anonymous-advice](https://www.supportiv.com/tools/relationship-chat-room-get-anonymous-advice),0.836,positive,consoling 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,speaker,3,Deadass think she just broke up with me,-0.4215,negative,surprised 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,speaker,4,"She’s asleep now, the only thing I want to live for his her, I will take your advice. Thank you, you truly are a good soul. ♥️",0.9153,positive,trusting 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,listener_2,5,"Np my man, you find someone that special, you gotta hold onto them u know?",0.6249,positive,sentimental 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,speaker,6,"Yeah, I’m trying to do that as hard as I can.",0.2023,positive,agreeing 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,listener_2,7,"Good for you man, you sound like a chill person",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 2254,depressed,I need someone to talk to.,speaker,8,thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2255,depressed,Please tell me that I've got this,speaker,1,That I can win this fight,0.2023,positive,confident 2255,depressed,Please tell me that I've got this,listener_1,2,You've got this,0.0,neutral,confident 2255,depressed,Please tell me that I've got this,listener_1,3,I believe in you,0.0,neutral,faithful 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,speaker,1," Hey, I've just been struggling a lot lately and i'd like to have some text friends that can get my mind off things. A rock to help me with life... I don't mind your gender. I'm just kind of lost in life and in a really low state so yeah I'm looking for someone who can bring me up and help me find the little good in a lot of bad. Send a chat pls , no PMs they get confusing. ( no I won't add you on snapchat)",-0.048,neutral,trusting 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,listener_1,2,"Just don't give up. I also have my ups and downs. Just remind yourself tomorrow is another day so if it's your worse day then it can be just be much better tomorrow.... And eating ice cream, watching dramas and crying helps too.",-0.1779,negative,consoling 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,speaker,3,Love icecream. Vanilla and ice cream is like heaven on my tongue.,0.875,positive,joyful 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,listener_1,4,I always get triple flavour. Like I can get a huge box of ice cream where there is one part chocolate one part strawberry. Strawberry is my favourite so I eat it at the end... and yeah that's the reason why I get fatter 😂😂😂. Ohhh or vanilla Ice cream with almond chocolate. Mhmmm I could eat them all lol,0.9477,positive,jealous 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,listener_2,5,🤫,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,speaker,6,don't let the creeps know D:,0.4466,positive,questioning 2256,depressed,19/F College student just looking for someone to be there for me xx,speaker,7,Who said i wanted to end my life...,0.0,neutral,surprised 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,speaker,1,"i have problems with anhedonia, binge eating and sleeping problems. i cant stick to anything and am very weird and akward. do you think anti depressants will help much with these problems? i worry about the side effect and health effects down the road. can you please share success stories and experience with anti depressants, or explain if you think they would be good for me?",-0.8102,negative,questioning 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,listener_1,2,Its best to ask a doctor. Professional help is most times better,0.8773,positive,suggesting 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,speaker,3,"So do you have any idea how tough it is to get a good doctor, or how long it takes to see one?",0.34,positive,questioning 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,listener_2,4,You do need to see a professional. What OP said in response is not ok.,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,speaker,5,It’s a joke,0.29600000000000004,positive,embarrassed 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,listener_1,6,Phew. Dont wanna be upsetting anyone else.,0.3724,positive,sympathizing 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,speaker,7,Sorry man just being honest,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,listener_1,8,Its cool.,0.3182,positive,acknowledging 2257,depressed,who has experience with anti depressants and anhedonia?,speaker,9,:/ it takes some time but honestly its more about working with the medications untill you find one thats right for you,0.5106,positive,neutral 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",speaker,1,"The evening or something I said “I’m sure I’m depressed” I cried while I was supposed to sleep because I didn’t accept I was depressed & then I was sweaty for a different reason I combined the wetness of tears with the sweat my mom bought it. Hours after that I felt motivation, I felt like I was re-born, I felt like a sun came in my life, I could cry from happiness, positive thoughts started shining, I feel very good.",0.8955,positive,ashamed 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",listener_1,2,I eidh i could cry. I have so much pain but so little tears to give out.,-0.6876,negative,sentimental 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",speaker,3,"I also had that problem I had so much stress, I can relate. I hope you feel better soon. 💕",0.6509999999999999,positive,consoling 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",listener_2,4,*starts laughing intensely and slowly and slowly story’s sobbing*,0.1531,positive,embarrassed 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",speaker,5,Thanks. 💖,0.8519,positive,wishing 2258,depressed,"Don’t hold it in, cry it out.",listener_3,6,[like this?](https://tenor.com/PbO8.gif),0.3612,positive,questioning 2259,depressed,"Thank you for proving my point, universe. I knew I should’ve gone through with it.",speaker,1,"I believed that you would never let me be happy. That no matter what, I would always attract shitty people. That my life would never get better. That you just wanted to keep me here, just to suffer. Just to stay at my shitty job with a shitty assistant manager. Just to think all day about having a better life that I’ll never have, no matter how much I try. Just to see others live successful lives with people that care about them, while I sit on the sidelines wishing I had those things. Just to be easily discarded by people I thought wanted me around. Just to be in a constant state of misery. Just to be this and that. To be the one that never gets invited, picked for a team, but ends up being the butt of every joke, the punching bag for anyone who sees me as weak, the expendable one, and the one who never gets any kindness whatsoever. I thought all those things and more... and I was right. I planned to kill myself last night, and I don’t know why I didn’t, but I do know one thing: next time I am going through with it, so fuck you. Keep proving me right, keep stacking on the fucking shit. Get me fired from my job, get me beat up, kill the ones I love, leave me financially ruined. Give me a fucking excuse. Let me become a monster, so I can destroy what you’ve built and then die swinging. Let me die, so I can come up there and murder you once and for all. When I die and go to whatever afterlife there is, I. Am going. To kill. You. Once and for all. And if there is nothing after death, then I’ll wander the dark nothingness until I find you. I don’t care anymore. I know my life will ever get better, so stop fucking teasing me into thinking otherwise! And as for you: Don’t you dare encourage my misfortune seeking behavior in any way. And don’t offer me advice. Don’t do what that other guy did. Just leave me alone.",-0.9968,negative,jealous 2259,depressed,"Thank you for proving my point, universe. I knew I should’ve gone through with it.",listener_1,2,If youd like we can play leauge of legends later if you have it. My name on there is liquidsloth . I will be on 1.5 hours. It is free if you don't have it. Or if you would like we can chat about anything ud like to in the pm thingy.,0.9042,positive,questioning 2259,depressed,"Thank you for proving my point, universe. I knew I should’ve gone through with it.",listener_2,3,"Dayum I would definitely give this comment an award if I can buy awards. This has to be one of the best ways Ive seen of someone trying to reach out and help out someone else :O As for OP I hope you accept this guy's offer, and hope you feel better soon :)",0.9806,positive,encouraging 2259,depressed,"Thank you for proving my point, universe. I knew I should’ve gone through with it.",speaker,4,I did. We’re talking now.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2259,depressed,"Thank you for proving my point, universe. I knew I should’ve gone through with it.",listener_2,5,Thats great to hear man! Have fun with LoL!,0.8953,positive,acknowledging 2259,depressed,What's the point,listener_3,1,"Honestly can't find a true reason for living. I have friends and family who love me but all I can think is I'm a waste of space. I just turned 30 which is still young to some but I feel about 100. I'm starting to lose my hair. Fine I'll buzz it short. I'm not packing anywhere near 100 inches let's just say (only slightly above micro). My job if I can call it that is just hours of me in autopilot. I make people laugh and smile all day but inside I'm just wishing something would kill me already. Dating life has been rocky broke up with my ex of 3 years last year and been on and off with girls ever since (mostly off). Confidence was high once I will admit but now I'm about empty. I try to treat everyone I meet with respect and support my friends in anyway possible and as often as I can. I don't do this for me I do it for them cause maybe it'll be impactful in some way. My father calls me a disappointment. My mom sweetest woman alive tries, to understand but can't seem to grasp how empty I feel. Gets frustrated and then angry at me for being so negative. My sister's loving as they are, were never close to me in our younger years so now in our adulthood we are even more distant. I've moved back home cause I originally split rent with the ex. I'm overweight (240 5'9) and though I'm clean (3 showers a day everyday during summer 2 a day every other season) because of my size people usually assume so. I have many friends (none of whom know about my pain because I have seen them deal with similar situations with their friends and I wouldn't even waste our time.) The point is. I know these sound like minor complaints and that I'm a spoiled asshole. But it's different. It's not like I don't appreciate all I have. I do,truly. I just feel I'm a waste of such a beautiful gift that is life. I'm sorry to pour out my heart like this but ever since I could remember it's felt like no one listens anyway. If you've read through this thank you. You are one of few who know.",0.9736,positive,ashamed 2259,depressed,What's the point,listener_4,2,Na. You are not spoilt. First of all. Its the pain that counts. Not the story behind it. A person could get very hurt by the smallest of things like calling them a name or so. That does not mean that their story is not worth spending time on. It means that they may be insecure about it and it has finally got to them and cant take anymore. As i said. Its the pain that counts. Not the story behind the pain. Secondly. This sub was made so people can either vent out their frustration or tell their story to strangers and getting help. In this case i dont know if this is helping or not. Thirdly. I too have lived through my life doing things for other people. My friends. Thought it was a good reason to live. Now they've left me and i am alone so have lost all sense of life and all meaning of it. I just hope that you dont lose them. I lost them cause of my mistakes. Lastly. Dont get into the girlfriend business. It only brings more pain. Not a great feeling if your biggest insecurity was or is being dumped by someone who you thought was good (not in it for the money etc.) But turns out the opposite.,-0.8865,negative,neutral 2259,depressed,What's the point,listener_3,3,Thanks this really helps. You guys are amazing,0.8622,positive,acknowledging 2259,depressed,What's the point,listener_5,4,"I was going to comment, but this is literally all this person needs to hear. Strangetsorm, you deserve a Nobel peace prize.",0.8807,positive,angry 2259,depressed,What's the point,listener_6,5,You got this! 🖒🖒🖒,0.0,neutral,faithful 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,speaker,1,"Hi guys, For the past few years now I’ve been feeling down. I wake up in the morning trying to feel positive but it always comes back to feeling rubbish. I never really know how to speak to people and I always try to make people like me and worry if they don’t like me, I’m constantly paranoid about what people think about me. Recently I have thought about suicide but never actually tried it and I haven’t thought about how I would I just think about is my life really worth it. I got myself into debt a few years ago by taking out a payday loan (very stupid) I just kept taking them out because I never thought about how much I would have to repay and since I told my mum and dad i feel like they have distanced themselves from me because my dad always told us always live within your means. I try to talk to my mum and dad but I don’t get much out of them. I have two sisters as well and my mum and dad always invite them and there other halves out for dinner or for game nights and I’m always left out or sat in another room like today they all went to sea world and I’ve been left at home. I want to speak to my dad but he’s a manly man and I feel like I’m not and I find it difficult to talk to him. I’ve never told anyone how I feel and I normally just keep it all in and when I get home in my bedroom I just cry a lot. I just want to get back to the old me when I was out a lot with my friends and people actually enjoyed my company and invited me places. I just needed somewhere to rant and I came across this thread I’m sorry if there are any spelling mistakes or grammar errors. I could just do with a bit of advice. Thank you guys",-0.1406,negative,disappointed 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,listener_1,2,"Here's what I would suggest. From your post, it's hard to know if your family/parents are complete shite, or if you are contributing equally to a dynamic that isn't serving you. I think you have to determine for yourself which it is. Have a serious sit-down chat with them -- be vulnerable. Tell them you feel left out. Tell the you feel shamed about the whole payday loan thing. Tell them you feel sometimes suicidal. Ask for their help. Don't blame. If that works, then great. If that doesn't, then it's possible they are shite. If they are shite, well then it's no surprise that you often feel like rubish and sometimes suicidal, you're surrounded by hard-hearted shite people. At that point, you'll know you're not crazy and it's not your fault, so you can strategically plan your escape.",0.2537,positive,apprehensive 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,speaker,3,Thank you for your reply and advice!,0.4199,positive,wishing 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,speaker,4,Thank you for getting back to me and your advice!,0.4199,positive,grateful 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,speaker,5,Thank you for your advice it means a lot !,0.4199,positive,acknowledging 2260,depressed,Can anyone offer me some advice please?,listener_2,6,"If u need someone to talk with,feel free to DM me😊",0.8519,positive,questioning 2261,depressed,"To the brink of death and back, perpetually...so far",speaker,1,"I'm not sure how to start this, so I'll just ramble a bit, considering I have no one to speak to on this subject. &#x200B; Everyday, for the past I don't know how many years now, I wish for death. I realize that I'm crazy. In fact, this has helped me in the past, my realization of insanity. However, it's not of ANY help to me lately... Whenever my fiancee\` is upset with me, I'm suicidal. It could be the silliest thing, and it'll snowball into me wishing for death. I don't even know how to explain this. I know I'm broken. I SEE that I'm broken, yet I cannot change it. It's like a downward spiral on a roller-coaster, per se. I'm in this car/seat, strapped the fuck in, on a track. That track is something I can visibly see, and am fully aware of. Yet, I cannot do anything about it. I SEE me starting to go down that track, and I can't stop it. There's NO brakes, no bail out button. I see my self-destruction start through finish, and I am just along for the ride, at that point, watching the horror. like a passenger locked in a cage. Like most people, I realize the finality of death... the harm it could potentially cause others... the sheer stupidity of it... i can see those things clearly, when it's NOT ME. I am SUPER fast to see reasons for others to live, yet toss them aside when it comes to myself. I justify those reasons, for me, as other's being better off when I'm gone, as I'm just a drain on them, anyway. THEY aren't seeing the big picture, but I am. That kind of bullshit. &#x200B; I guess my point is, is that I'm so tired of wanting to die. EVERY time I get suicidal, it's an uphill struggle to cross that threshold to actually DO it. It's one thing to tell yourself that you're done and you're going to kill yourself. It's a TOTAL other thing to psych yourself up for it. Get yourself prepared to ACTUALLY do it. Mentally, it's taken quite the toll on me. Honestly, it's broken me. I'm in shambles. As i write this, it's a little hard to see through the tears... To want to die is a strange thing... Ya see... I feel like a lot of depressed people are suicidal in thought. As in, they think about killing themselves often but only in THINKING about it. i.e. ""Ok, that's it. I'm going to kill myself. This is the last straw."" then they'll calm down/get distracted/talk to someone that loves them... Then there's people like me. I think about it. Then I weigh the benefits next to the cons. Then I plot it out. I have a place. I need to get my mind PAST that point of Self-Preservation... Humans, at least me, ironically enough, have a VERY strong will to live. (even the assholes like me that wish for it, daily) Pushing myself PAST that point fucking HURTS. Goddamnit, does it hurt, every time. But I do it. Then, after I've shattered that will to live, I am now in what I refer to as the ""Comfortably Numb stage"". I'm in acceptance of my death, now. Things seem to be VERY clear to me. Things I should have done, ways to make something better, etc. However, I don't seem to care, too much. it's more of an after thought, I guess. Kinda like ""huh, shouldn't seen that earlier."" ""that would've been the better way to do that, for sure."" as I shrug it off. It's very easy to purchase a handgun, with very little waiting time. all for around $300 - $400. Simple. Fortunately, for I suppose others(I guess), I live paycheck to paycheck b/c of an Ex that royally fucked me over. stole everything I have, finances, put me in debt, the WHOLE 9. You wouldn't fucking believe me if I told you, it's so goddamned ridiculous... Just picture a dramedy movie with like... Will Ferrell or Zach Galafinokayicant.... as the Lead role. Now, everything you can think of happens to them. It's fucking HORRIBLE shit, but it's funny b/c it's not you, and it's a movie, right? Yep, like that. Not really sure why this timeline feels as though my life is a joke, but alright, it's my hand i'm dealt. ...wow that was a trailing run-on, eh...? anyway, I live paycheck to paycheck and can't afford the gun, at the moment. Only saving grace is my fucking lack of money. &#x200B; ...I don't know what my point is. I just really want my brain to stop fucking trying to kill me. literally. &#x200B; I have children. young. i cry when I think of them looking at me, and thinking how fucking broken I am. i feel like I'll fuck them over if I live b/c they'll grow up looking at me, thinking I'M the normal.... i'm ANYTHING but. I feel like I'll fuck them over if I die. They'll have someone to care for them. well, someone to pay for them, at least. their biological mother is a cold-hearted bitch whose never sat down to play with any of them.",-0.998,negative,ashamed 2261,depressed,"To the brink of death and back, perpetually...so far",speaker,2,"Goddamn, this is a pathetic post.",-0.7783,negative,embarrassed 2261,depressed,"To the brink of death and back, perpetually...so far",listener_1,3,"It's not pathetic at all, many people can relate to everything you said. But you do need to seek professional help, especially for the sake of your children.",0.6756,positive,neutral 2262,depressed,Nothing seems to work.,speaker,1,"I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore. After several years of increasingly reclusive behavior and lashing out at those around me for expressing concern over my weight, lack of social interaction, and other things, I sought psychological help. After a few months, my psychologist told me I should see a psychiatrist who diagnosed me as bipolar II and put me on medication. A year or so later, having been non-compliant with the meds (we'd changed stabilizers a few times and I was tired of it), I spent a couple of weeks in a stress unit after completely breaking down. I was nonfunctional-- my apartment was a disaster, my finances were destroyed, I had dropped out of university (having managed to be somewhat successful there). I improved a bit after. I've largely managed to stay functional if not effective overall. However, the lack of care I showed toward my heath, finances, and social life has resulted in long term issues that I am still fighting. I don't have the capacity to keep fighting. My friends and family have been nothing but wonderful, caring, kind, and understanding, but I know I've damaged those relationships. I can't do the things normal adults can do; even the smallest things exhaust me or cause me to feel intense anxiety. Despite what people close to me (or, those kind enough to allow me the illusion of friendship as I sometimes believe) say, I have no value. I'm stuck between the awful hollowed-out feeling of isolation and the fear that asking people to do things is a massive imposition or self-centered. &#x200B; I do nothing when I'm home. I create nothing; my cameras and instruments are basically decorations at this point. I can hardly read for any length of time. What little social interaction I have is fraught with extreme anxiety, fear, and careful lies to make people think I am doing well so they don't worry. I hate everything about myself. I can't change that despite years of effort. 7 years of psychiatric and psychological help have had no effect despite good faith efforts on both sides. Nothing has changed, and I fear everything is just going to get worse. I cannot manufacture hope. I don't know what to do.",-0.9881,negative,ashamed 2262,depressed,Nothing seems to work.,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling. Nothing is worse than being aware of your problem and trying everything you can think of to help, but nothing yields results. I sometimes wish I could just be blissfully ignorant and be happy. . . But this is the hand I have been dealt. I know it's not much, but it helps to know that you (and I) are not alone. It does sound like you have good supportive people in your life. I really hope you are able to find happiness and that something eventually goes right. Nobody deserves to suffer. Be strong and dont be afraid to let it all out. You're not alone ❤",0.9874,positive,agreeing 2262,depressed,Nothing seems to work.,speaker,3,"I really appreciate it. I am fortunate enough to have good people, I just forget sometimes.",0.7841,positive,grateful 2262,depressed,Nothing seems to work.,speaker,4,"It's hard to be sure. I get the debt piece as well-- I had to use credit to keep up clothing, vehicle and such for work which is now contributing to tension. I appreciate the offer of an ear, and feel free to PM me as well if you need someone to talk to as well.",0.875,positive,trusting 2263,depressed,thinking about,speaker,1,"dying. i am thinking about dying in a way that is painless and that doesn't leave any pain behind for my family, especially my mum. i don't know for how much longer i can go. this has nothing to do anyone but myself. i can't deal with myself no longer. i am ugly, i am pathetic, i have no social skills and i'm depressed. people might care but they don't see how hurt i am, they don't see me crying nearly every night til i get migraines and wake up with hella puffy eyes (which sort of make me look cute at least). they don't know what truly bothers me and i can't trust anyone enough to tell them.",-0.8908,negative,sad 2263,depressed,thinking about,listener_1,2,"Please don't think of dying, iv been there and it's really not a good place to be in.There is no such thing as painless death, and leaving behind your family will always leave a scar. I know how it feels when ppl don't see how much suffering ur going through. You're not alone and people do care for. This may not be helpful, but things will get better, it will be slow, but it will slowly get better. I hope things go well for you.",0.8784,positive,consoling 2263,depressed,thinking about,speaker,3,"thank you, i keep hoping but it never gets better. i feel like the ability to hope has been taken away from me, i feel empty, i feel useless you know, people may care but i am nobody's go-to, nobody's. i don't believe there is truly anything for me left in this world, i feel i just came to suffer and make others win, so it all balances out",0.923,positive,consoling 2263,depressed,thinking about,listener_1,4,"You n me think exactly the same, I wish I could help, but I myself haven't gotten myself out, it does feel lonely. All I can say is to grit your teeth and bear through the pain, since there's no hope also, just do something different to entertain yourself, go a bit wild, don't give a fuck about what ppl say, just do something that will keep ur mind busy... I know this is terrible advice, but I'm weird and I say weird things 😅",-0.7494,negative,lonely 2263,depressed,thinking about,speaker,5,"its okay i appreciate ur offer to help me, means a lot already 😊",0.9062,positive,acknowledging 2263,depressed,thinking about,speaker,6,"I also get mistaken for much younger but take pride in that, you don't really wanna look your age when you hit a certain number so... I still get mistaken for like 16 or 19 but I'm 22 and turning 23 this august, it's okay really. I have people I really get a long with and who are really sweet and caring but I don't wanna burden them wirh my drama, so technically I don't have anyone to talkt to about serious things",0.9617,positive,lonely 2264,depressed,what the actual living hell,speaker,1,"im in this gym summer school for hs this month to skip it during the school year. there is me, someone that decided to not try anymore because no one can see and appreciate it. i mentally can’t do it and i constantly break down inside because of it. i can’t concentrate on the current game this week. i get overwhelmed by the people running around and the bright ass ball that everyone is kicking and throwing around. then there is this other girl. she’s the same as me, in the sense that she doesn’t try and just stands in place. even though she never tries or attempts anything, everyone is always like “good job *****, that’s it, you can do it.” no one ever says that to me, and i can’t blame them. im terrible at everything even if i try. like no one cares that this little bitch doesn’t do anything and they somehow find the balls to complement and cheer her on?? is it because she is smaller than me and she looks like she couldn’t do anything? why the actual fuck is this",-0.8413,negative,jealous 2264,depressed,what the actual living hell,listener_1,2,"Probably cuz she seems more approachable than well, the latter.",0.3321,positive,neutral 2264,depressed,what the actual living hell,speaker,3,she does the same crap as me... nothing how is she better than me?,0.0772,positive,jealous 2264,depressed,what the actual living hell,listener_1,4,"They don't think she is better, she just seems more talkative, friendly maybe even. Try to be more open and cordial with people, you may be surprised.",0.8062,positive,suggesting 2264,depressed,what the actual living hell,speaker,5,she isn’t. she comes off less friendly than me,0.4417,positive,agreeing 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,speaker,1,My boyfriends best friend hates me. I don’t know what I have done. I don’t know what is wrong with me but they fell out over it and I’ve convinced my boyfriend to try talk to him because I don’t want to come between a friendship. He has blamed me for everything and made me out to be a complete psycho bitch. Anyway he has turned to my boyfriend and acted like I’m the big problem and said he still doesn’t like me. I asked my boyfriend to go home because I felt like I was about to ball my eyes out. All I’ve done is try and be nice and make his see me as a good person and he hates me. He hates me. I feel so hurt and upset. I just wanted everyone to get along but now I feel like I’m going to have to distance myself. I’ve just layed here crying because I feel so hurt and low. I’m not good enough and that’s clear to see. Should I just leave my boyfriend so he can have his best friend back and so that I’m not an issue anymore?,-0.8442,negative,guilty 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,listener_1,2,"I'm glad you're talking to people, usually the more advice you can get the better, especially communicating with friends & family. There's probably another side to this story, the best friend's side until I hear that side of the story all I can say is.......this friend sounds like he's the psycho. Usually best friends will support eachother and even help them get girlfriends, unless they see something very wrong they won't break up their buddy's relationship because they want them to be happy. True friends will be there when you're having your worst times & will support you, they won't be trying to sabotage your relationship. The only thing I can really say is to talk to your boyfriend, tell him that you care about him, don't want to hurt him, don't want to destroy his friendship. Unless you're setting fire to your boyfriend's life, which it doesn't sound like you are or intend to, I don't think you should break up.",0.9901,positive,trusting 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,speaker,3,"That’s the thing I never did anything wrong to the friend and my boyfriend doesn’t like him. Not just cause what he did to me but for lots of reasons, he used him to get lifts everywhere and is rude and nasty to everyone. I want them to be friend but I don’t think my boyfriend does and I’m not going to make him. Me and my boyfriend get on so well. We are best friend and always laugh together. There is nothing toxic about the relationship so I honestly have no idea what the friends problem is but its really breaking me. He spent a year trying to ruin my life. Convincing everyone I was a psycho so everyone hated me, he doesn’t acknowledge my existence no matter what, his friends think he is a nasty snake. I never wanted any issues but I’m so hurt yet I still want them to be friends because I’m not horrible and they used to be best friends but not anymore and I want to fix it. No matter what I do he won’t like me",0.9825,positive,faithful 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,listener_1,4,"If even your boyfriend doesn't like him & he doesn't get along with anybody, maybe it's time to ignore him. Sometimes you meet toxic people and sometimes the only way to move on is to just cut them out of your life. It sounds like others can't stand him either & he doesn't want to heal anything, but rather disrupt things. From what I hear about this situation, he sounds like somebody you should let go of. Be strong enough that you don't need this person's approval to be able to feel good about yourself. He seems like the person where you could be 100% nice to & do everything right, and he STILL won't like you...so why let it rule your world? Don't let other people's opinions determine your self worth.",0.9687,positive,sad 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,speaker,5,"Thank you so much, that was really kind. Update on the situation is he has admitted to my partner that I’ve never done anything wrong and that he was jealous, that he didn’t have what me and my partner have and that he is sorry",0.7047,positive,sympathizing 2265,depressed,I’m so hurt,listener_1,6,"I'm glad things worked out. Don't worry about him not apologizing to you directly, because most people do not want to show vulnerability, or how they were wrong, to others. But the most important part is done, let things heal, and live your life to the fullest",0.4296,positive,trusting 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,speaker,1,"Been trying to post here for some time now, but I don't know how to put my feelings into words. I'm 20F and I've struggled with depression since I was 13-14 years old and social anxiety because of it the last few years. I only have a couple good friends left because I got teased a lot for my interests when I was younger and became super introvert. In the last few months I finally started to gain new interests and went out of my comfort zone and told some of my friends. It came as a shock to me when I again was teased and ""made fun of"" for what I enjoyed and fell right down my depression hole again. My town and everyone my age is known for being quite judgemental so I'm scared to approach new people both because I'm scared of being made fun of but also because everyone knows each other one way or another. The only reason I'm not feeling alone at the moment is because of my best friend who's supported me A LOT and was the only person who got me through school, but since she's moving in a month or so, I'm afraid of what will happen next and that I'll be alone. So what I want to know is how I can get to know new people. I feel like I'll have better luck finding someone online but I don't know where to start. I used to play LoL, Minecraft and Guild Wars 2 a lot before I got depression but I find it difficult to find genuine people to play with who's not super toxic. Don't know if I should have posted this on r/socialskills, but if you have any advice I'll be happy to hear them. And lastly, I'm sorry if this post is a total mess...",0.9845,positive,lonely 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,listener_1,2,Have you tried looking into local groups/events via Facebook? I’ve done this a few times with some positive results.,0.5574,positive,questioning 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,speaker,3,"I don’t really use Facebook that much, but I’ll keep my eyes open in case something pops up!",0.0,neutral,suggesting 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,speaker,4,I will definitely think about this in the future. Thank you so much!,0.6696,positive,agreeing 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,speaker,5,"This helps a lot! I have to get better at not being ashamed of what I love. I’ve only played LoL since I started playing with a couple of friends, so I can’t really tell. If you start playing LoL and want someone to play with I’m free :D",0.9875,positive,ashamed 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,listener_2,6,"I'm glad it helped a bit😅. Haha cool you can show me the ropes,I kinda suck at these kinda games but it looks like a lot of fun",0.9061,positive,acknowledging 2266,depressed,Need advice on how to find new friends or people when I have social anxiety and depression,speaker,7,It’s relatively easy to master once you get the hang of what buttons to press :D,0.7865,positive,neutral 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,speaker,1,"I just found out that the person I was madly in love with just got asked out by my best friend... I don't know what to do, because I don't want to let her know that I was in love with her, because it'd be super awkward when we see each other at school, but I just will hate to see her with my friend... I am super upset, and I don't feel like living. (Not suicidal, just upset) but UGH! Did (or does) anyone ever have this happen to them. Let me know about your sad love lifes. UGH. I hate high school.",0.3773,positive,sad 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,listener_1,2,does your friend know you like her?,0.6908,positive,questioning 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,speaker,3,"yeah, we were at band camp last week, and I was telling him about how I was in love with her",0.7506,positive,sentimental 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,speaker,4,"The thing with this is that yeah, i'm in high school and it's just ""puppy love"" with most girls you meet, and yeah most girls I meet, I fall in love with, but this girl was beyond all of the rest. She was my first true love. I didn't even care about the other girls when I saw her.",0.9254,positive,jealous 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,listener_1,5,then u dont need him. hes a dick. if he knew u like her and he asked her out then hes a douche.,-0.5106,negative,neutral 2267,depressed,Yeah... I think I just got depression...,speaker,6,"Yeah, I totally agree :'(",0.1317,positive,agreeing 2268,depressed,I lost my favorite bracelet today,speaker,1,"I know it’s something small and rather meaningless. In fact, it only cost $8. But it was one of the few few things that brought me joy. I wore it at least 5 times a week and it would always cheer me up seeing it on my wrist. It helped me feel girly and cute. Well, today I lost it at some point in the mall (another reason to stop going into public). I was in tears when I realized it. I went online and searched for it on the company’s website and it’s no longer available. I can’t even find anything similar elsewhere. I’m so crushed. I can’t stop thinking about this stupid beaded bracelet that brought me so much joy that I’ll never see again. I’m so angry at myself for allowing it to happen.",-0.8409,negative,sad 2268,depressed,I lost my favorite bracelet today,listener_1,2,"Try to consider this, maybe your loss is someone else’s gain. Perhaps it’s bringing joy to someone else who needed it to. This opens up an opportunity for you to find a new piece that also brings you joy. Go have a look on Etsy, you may find something similar or something different may catch your eye. There’s a lot of options for personalization to make it even more special to you. I found a simple bracelet that that will spell out anything you want in Morse code with beads. Mine spells “them”, which is a reminder to me of my nieces and nephews and the reason I should stick around in this world. I do truly understand your devastation though, I hope you can find peace with it’s loss and find something new.",0.9638,positive,excited 2268,depressed,I lost my favorite bracelet today,speaker,3,Thanks for your response. This is true. I found a bracelet a few years ago in a parking lot and treasured it until it broke. I'll keep looking and check etsy.,0.7579,positive,agreeing 2269,depressed,I dont know how much more I can take,speaker,1,"I've only ever wanted simple things out of life, to be somebody, to be loved. But I guess Ive never gotten any of that. But lifes supposed to be tough. Right? Your supposed to try to fix your problems and work through anything thrown at you. But I've been struggling for too long, and I dont know how much more I can take. It's almost like a horse that's been forced to run with no breaks or rest. Eventually the horses body just gives out. And I feel like I wont be able to finish this race if I don't get any sort of rest soon, I just dont know how much more is left in me.",-0.8068,negative,disappointed 2269,depressed,I dont know how much more I can take,listener_1,2,Damn I’m sorry to hear that. I know sometimes I wonder if imma make it to the end. And I think Im doing pretty well. But even then it’s day to day. Sometimes you just get exhausted like you said. You got nothing left in the tank. I usually drink and listen to some sad music will usually help me to mellow out. I was deep in the shit hole for a while and still digging my way out. But Your not alone a lot of people feel the same way you do that’s what I’ve learn. Just that we aren’t there physically but we’re all around. All I can say is keep truckin 🙂,0.9046,positive,sympathizing 2269,depressed,I dont know how much more I can take,listener_2,3,Just try and distract yourself that’s all that keeps my horse running,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2270,depressed,"I feel really down, and I'm not sure what to do.",speaker,1,"I (20F) have been finding it really hard to talk to people, and I don't have the connection I want with anyone. It feels as though everything is out of my reach - family, friends, work. I feel really disconnected, and I do not know what to do about it. I keep having the same thought over and over again in my head - ""If I disappeared, no one would care, would they..."" No one can tell if I'm down because I'm such a recluse, and I don't know if I really want to live right now. I feel an overwhelming, choking feeling, but I also think I'm incredibly empty inside. About a year ago, I spoke with my counselor, and I think she said it right - ""spinning in a vortex."" I've had these feelings for a while, and they stem from a combination of really high anxiety prior to school tests, the fear of getting or losing a job, and issues with my NPD/alcoholic dad. I'm not sure how to fix myself or why I have always been like this.",-0.9022,negative,lonely 2271,depressed,autopilot,speaker,1,"i am a tall, skinny male thats currently in highschool. ive been stuck on autopilot. i rarely feel emotion other than being sad. i just try my hardest to get through the day without being noticed. i havent been me for about 2 years. it started when i found out all of my friends were fake. ill use 2 examples. M (not saying her name) was someone that i really liked, and we were bestfriends. but she had started to talk to this guy that had bullied me all my life. i would always listen to her about girls, like who she approves and what not. but she never listens to me. anyway, this douchebag convinced her against me and now we havent spoke for a since. the same with my actual bestfriend, lets say N. i have so much to blame N for. he introduced me to drugs, got me in trouble, and distracted me from getting good grades. he also ruined my chances with multiple girls. id forgiven him for so much that he did one more thing to piss me off. we arent friends anymore, either. i only have one friend that i trust now. lets say S. S was there for me whenever i was crying myself to sleep. he would always stick up for me and agree with me when i was being bullied or in the minority. he is pretty much my only actual friend. i also have my dad. if it werent for those two i wouldnt be alive.",-0.8867,negative,lonely 2271,depressed,autopilot,listener_1,2,I get what you mean I actually came here to ask this question. I’m in high school too and today I realised my body is just going without me I don’t even consent anymore; it socialises and laughs but I don’t feel any of it :(. I’m really not sure what to do,-0.0799,negative,devastated 2271,depressed,autopilot,listener_2,3,"Do you have anyone you can trust to vent to? If you don't or you're not ready, please, take a walk. It will help you clear your head a bit. If you need someone to talk to, I'll be here waiting. Keep moving forward bud. I'm cheering you on.",0.8329,positive,trusting 2271,depressed,autopilot,listener_1,4,I tried tell my mum but she just got mad because she couldn’t understand and when she asked me what we should do I said I don’t know I just needed to tell someone :(,-0.8462,negative,ashamed 2272,depressed,I am fucked,speaker,1,"In late May this year, I started having very painful migraine headaches and I went to Hospital to find out what was really going on, they prescribed me Serax and Tramadol told me it was cause of stress that I should be okay. Around June I started noticing that my vision was becoming blurry and there's was also ringing/beep sound like in my ears.. I went to the different doctor this time in a private Hospital, did run some eye tests and holy shit there's was something wrong with my optic nerve (damage) couldn't confirm why and how this shit happened.. Been on treatments (Various eye drops) since then.. But there's been no improvement but vision keep getting worse, But I have a feeling the doctor isn't honest with me since I'm still very young 25/yr don't wanna put me into panic. I'm fucking scared that I'm going to lose my entire vision, I have decent job, I don't have a wife/girlfriend, kids and only have lovely parents and siblings to care of.. Been suicidal for the whole month I even attempt to but I'm too much of a pussy to go on with it (even though I know that's what I want).. Tried psychology, blood fucking waste of my time. I really want to kill myself and get over with it, I need to end it now, everyday everything keep getting worse, I am becoming a burden already, can't live my entire life independent on others, without my sight I'm pretty useless. I just don't want to hurt my lovely family.. But I know I have to do this it's only matter of time I get the right tool (preferably a gun) blow the this fucked up head into pieces. If I can just get someone to kill me or just disappear to somewhere that would even be better.. I really don't see a way out",-0.9941,negative,hopeful 2272,depressed,I am fucked,listener_1,2,"Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through that. Please don't kill yourself, that's never the answer. My vision is pretty terrible itself, I can only see around 7 inches in front of me before everything starts to get blurry at the age of 18, so the idea of that getting worse is terrifying.",0.4845,positive,sympathizing 2272,depressed,I am fucked,speaker,3,"I'm sorry, my life was perfect just about 3 months ago.. the fact that this just came out of nowhere, shattered me completely I mean they were no warning signs.. I've been living a healthy lifestyle im quite very strict with my diet and also in good shape.. never been really sick before except for few colds and flu now and then. Feels like a curse was put upon me",0.8981,positive,devastated 2272,depressed,I am fucked,speaker,4,I know this is a crazy talk.. but I wish I had cancer or some terminal illness.. it would hurt but at least I would be smilling awaiting death at the end.,-0.9625,negative,apprehensive 2272,depressed,I am fucked,listener_2,5,Welp. This is what you are getting as cancer. Gotta make do with what you have.,-0.6597,negative,sad 2272,depressed,I am fucked,listener_3,6,"You are implying that people who are blind do not have perfect lives, are cursed, and should want to kill themselves or beg for cancer. This is short-sighted and insulting. Your post is pretty selfish to think that you don't ""deserve"" a health issue happening to you because of how great your life is and it must be a curse put on you. Maybe spend some time volunteering in a hospital. Most health issues come ""out of nowhere."" People fight and adapt. Of course you can be sad. It sucks to have major health issues that affect the rest of your life. I know, I deal with them. But that your immediate reaction is that you don't deserve this, your life is over, and must kill yourself or wish for agonizing cancer is just so insulting to everyone else in the worth dealing with vision loss.",-0.9869,negative,angry 2272,depressed,I am fucked,speaker,7,"I am sorry, I know some words might not have come out right, that was not my intention.. I am depressed and anxious, I am not thinking straight..I'm sorry if I sounded selfish, I am mentally fucked. I just had to share this here.. can't tell my family and friends that I wanna end my life.. therapy been useless.. this is just a rage I just need to get this fire out of chest",-0.9496,negative,ashamed 2272,depressed,I am fucked,listener_3,8,"It's fine that you share this here. I am countering your reasoning, though.",0.4588,positive,neutral 2273,depressed,my dilemma,speaker,1,the cycle goes like this 1. I feel sad 2. I tell myself that I will be a burden if I tell anyone 3. know one knows i’m sad 4. I get sad when no one asks if i’m ok 5. someone else is sad and everyone comforts them 6. I feel guilty and sad so I isolate myself 7. I feel lonely 8. repeat I just can’t seem to find a way to tell people I need help without feeling guilty.,-0.9384,negative,lonely 2273,depressed,my dilemma,listener_1,2,"It's a difficult first move, puts you in a vulnerable position but just tell them.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2273,depressed,my dilemma,listener_1,3,"The guilt will subside the more you open up, assuming the people are receptive.",-0.2732,negative,trusting 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,speaker,1,"About everything around me. I guess I stopped caring? I dont know. I can't cry anymore. I'm not happy anymore. I just work as much as I can, I guess I put all my focus into work. And when I get home, I just either lay in bed and listen to music. I go for walks with no destination. I have a dog name Lilly (she is with my grandmother on the Navajo reservation). God I miss her so much. I want her back. I do my hobbies that I enjoyed, reading, writing music, creating art. But I no longer have interest or motivation anymore. I dont have a solid support system from my parents and it hurts. I've been through so much in my childhood, and teenage years I just completely grew numb and now I am 25. Honestly. I wish I didnt survive my drug over dose. I wish they didnt save me..",0.883,positive,lonely 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,listener_1,2,i’m glad they did save you,0.7351,positive,neutral 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,listener_1,4,well of course,0.2732,positive,agreeing 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,speaker,5,Thank you. I turned to God when I was incarceration. (I've been out 3 months now). Trust me when I say that I am doing more than my best to keep myself together. But today. I feel bleh.,0.7337,positive,faithful 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,speaker,6,"I do write my own lyrics, but as for drawing or painting. I havent felt anything.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,listener_2,7,"God bless brother, we're all in this thing together...",0.5994,positive,consoling 2274,depressed,I feel numb.,listener_3,8,Just think of it like this it is a reflection of yourself like what you see as you look in to mirror (figuratevly or literally that depends on you) or what you see inside yourself,0.6124,positive,neutral 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,speaker,1,"Am I the only person that has been their only source of happiness, and whenever you get tired they just can't handle themselves anymore and just want to cry, but the blank expression on their face doesn't move and you just slowly keep losing themselves and those connections to others around you?",-0.6059,negative,lonely 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,listener_1,2,Ugh yes.,-0.0258,neutral,disgusted 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,speaker,3,"Well, the thing is we all have to wait till we're takin by something else, cause it isnt right to do it ourselves. Just sleep alot and itll all work out... at least that's what I try.",0.2732,positive,neutral 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,listener_2,4,But like why isnt it right we do it ourselves i feel like sleeping at least for me just makes me feel slow n even more deppressed,0.7579,positive,neutral 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,speaker,5,Well... everyone that waits and goes into town and just tries to socialize generally end up being happy... trust me I understand how you feel completely.... it's just that waiting for something to happen is the best move yk?,0.9231,positive,agreeing 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,listener_2,6,Ig so shiit I mean ig you never really know i just dont wana get to that point when im older and look back to just remember me waiting you know yea of course i wish i could talk to more people skateboard smoke chill or do whatever just kick back and relax but life isnt always about leisure time.,0.4215,positive,neutral 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,speaker,7,"Right, life is all about the grind. The more you grind the more leisurely your life later on will be. There is no need to be waiting, just go out and do some stuff and if you gotta work or go to school then do that and have fun whilst doing it. Life is wack, might as well give yourself the best opportunities.",0.875,positive,content 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,listener_2,8,Easier said then done,0.4215,positive,neutral 2275,depressed,Any1 else?,speaker,9,"Trust me, I know. That's why the grind is a grind.",0.5106,positive,agreeing 2276,depressed,I hate myself and who I am right now.,speaker,1,"The only reason why the holidays are the best thing in my life right now is that I get to isolate myself from everyone who knows me bc by isolating myself I can’t do anything to hurt them/I can’t get hurt by them, but the problem is that ik it’s about time I disappear from everyone life’s I care about bc with me still alive they are going to get hurt by me. Bc I don’t give a fuck about my life when I see a car coming I cross the road hoping to the devil that it will hit me and my life can finally end. I do this every day and I haven’t succeeded bc I’m writing this but I know everyone will be happier without me in their life bc I can wholeheartedly say that they are having a fantastic summer without me around to bother them about my thoughts and my feelings of ending my life and how I hate my life and who I am. I do wished I got to die in 2016 instead of surviving someone else should have survived and not me.",-0.7906,negative,lonely 2276,depressed,I hate myself and who I am right now.,listener_1,2,What happened in 2016?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2276,depressed,I hate myself and who I am right now.,speaker,3,Well I ended up in an accident and the doctors or whoever Operated on me said I was most likely dead bc I got a blood clot in my brain and they told my parents I would most likely not survive.,-0.7635,negative,devastated 2276,depressed,I hate myself and who I am right now.,listener_1,4,"Well, you say someone else should have survived, but you did, maybe use that ""gift/curse"" to help the hypothetical somone else. That's literally all that keeps me going, maybe i make someone elses day a little better. But, i am not exactly in the best position to give advice.",0.9474,positive,suggesting 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,1,"I’m not going to make it long for you, but listen to me. I always wake up said and depressed questioning my existence, and I sit in my bed for a minimum of 1 hour doing that. I don’t have a lot of friends but In my school I am known, but something that always makes me feel down and unloved or unwanted is that I never had a girlfriend(or friends that are the opposite gender of me) in my life, or had any type of those relation ships in my life. I always want to meet someone to love and care for but the possibilities are low. People call me “safe” and respectful. Everyone was proud of that with me but I am not, because everyone who is not like me are living their lives and speaking to girls and getting all the attention they need! While I am here questioning life. My dad doesn’t love me and doesn’t feel proud that he has me. He always uses to do chores or bring stuff put stuff or doing things that he didn’t want to possibly do. He hates me and I never had that thing that all of others have, the sentence that says “I love you son” or “I’m proud of you” Never.",0.9862,positive,lonely 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,2,"I'm the same way bub I don't have f2f nor a friend of an opposite gender, I question every night every morning why I exist , wat is my purpose here why was I born so sad. I ask this a lot too. People said i was nice and sweet kind and loving when no girl wants to be around me either. My dad and mom divorced a long time ago but he has never said he was proud not even once in a way I know how you feel",0.7776,positive,sentimental 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,3,We live in a cruel world :(,-0.7717,negative,disgusted 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,4,We all feel the same bro.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_2,5,Thank you man.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_4,6,Also. You ain't worthless. You are worth a human soul. An immortal one infact. You possess something that will live even after everyone is dead. Treasure it as you only get one.,0.2973,positive,grateful 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_4,7,Np.,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2276,depressed,I feel worthless,listener_3,8,A cruel world and a lot of fakes,-0.765,negative,angry 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_3,1,"I just feel down, sad, and tired like a big empty hole in my chest I don't know what to do",-0.6486,negative,sad 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_5,2,Is there any particular reason for it? You need to specify,0.0,neutral,questioning 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_3,3,Yea idk,-0.1027,negative,questioning 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_3,4,Yea I think so goons go to bed hopefully the feeling will be gone when I wake up,0.4939,positive,consoling 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_5,5,"Don't worry about it, get some good sleep. Goodnight",0.6492,positive,wishing 2276,depressed,I feel empty,listener_3,6,Night bub,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_6,1,"Anyone just getting shunned off by people for no particular reason, just the fact that they dislike you? Not that you do anything they simply dislike you and shun you off, if not immediately then once they get to know you. I am depressed but I see myself as an okay character and am alright when it comes to social interactions and such. Maybe I have a blurred image of myself or something else could be the matter, I have no clue but it's really bothering me lately.",-0.7899,negative,sad 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_1,2,"Same here, feels as if i am universally disliked. A friend did say it could how i perceive how others see me, but i don't buy it. What circumstances are you talking about?",0.0644,positive,annoyed 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_6,3,"It feels just like generally people dislike me once they get to know me, if they get to know regardless of the circumstances. Not everyone of course but a lot of them, and I just can't seem to be able to put my finger on what is ""wrong"" and why it's happening",-0.6369,negative,annoyed 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_6,4,"I know that people will judge, but if most people dislike you there is something probably off about me, not all those other people, maybe? I've no idea it has me rather confused on why it's happening",-0.8614,negative,suggesting 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_4,5,It aint you. You are just living in the wrong place. Their thinking style does not match with yours and this shows that you are unique. Dont want a gem to leave,-0.5457,negative,jealous 2276,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_6,6,I do hope you're right,0.4404,positive,agreeing 2277,depressed,"I often go on reddit when im sad, but im not sure if it makes me happy or even more sad",speaker,1,Can anyone relate to this?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2277,depressed,"I often go on reddit when im sad, but im not sure if it makes me happy or even more sad",listener_1,2,"well, i go on reddit to browse memes and reply to comments, but mostly memes. It keeps me happy as they make jokes about how sad their lives are and how the want to die (sarcastically) and i just go with the flow so its cool.",-0.0599,negative,content 2277,depressed,"I often go on reddit when im sad, but im not sure if it makes me happy or even more sad",speaker,3,"Most of it is not bs tho, Its just sad things that i can relate too lol",-0.0772,negative,agreeing 2277,depressed,"I often go on reddit when im sad, but im not sure if it makes me happy or even more sad",listener_2,4,Yea that's pretty much my bs 😂,0.7269,positive,neutral 2278,depressed,Can’t stop thinking about my past,speaker,1,"I made quite a few mistake when I was younger and I can’t never really get over them. I think about them every hours every day only to feel extremely guilty, stressed and sad. It’s been 10 years and I am really tired, I can’t be happy and I can’t get anything done because I am so sad. I really don’t know what to do now.",-0.9327,negative,sad 2278,depressed,Can’t stop thinking about my past,listener_1,2,"Forgive yourself, in order for you to move on. And Pray!",0.5707,positive,consoling 2278,depressed,Can’t stop thinking about my past,listener_2,3,no promoting religion ideology.,-0.2755,negative,faithful 2278,depressed,Can’t stop thinking about my past,speaker,4,Funny how this is the first time I’m told to forgive myself in the last 10 years. People keep reminding me my mistakes like I really should be ashamed of myself for the rest of my life. Thank you stranger I will start thinking about that.,0.483,positive,annoyed 2278,depressed,Can’t stop thinking about my past,listener_3,5,"It always takes time to heal. So don't rush things. Do you have a close friend or family? If you don't, I'm willing to chat. That forgive and forget shit is bullshit. Forgive but never forget. Grow as a person, move on but never ever forget. Listen to those 'Most Emotional Music' because it honestly helps. Everdream is a personal favorite. This takes time, so take as much time as you want. Take a walk for now. Breathe some fresh air and reflect ya know? Do you have anyone you want to apologize to? Please do, because it'll help get that weight off your chest. I'm willing to chat if you need someone to talk to.",0.9804,positive,sad 2279,depressed,Is there any point in trying anymore?,speaker,1,"Let's face it, I can't keep freaking living like this knowing dang well I want to try and take my life the next day. Like I can't find a job, my car is gone, i can't help my parents, all I do is complain like now, I can't even achieve my goal anymore so why try? Why live anymore knowing I'm gonna screw up again? When will things get better for me? My mother keeps saying to pray for a better future. And I did but what kind of future is this? I prayed and prayed asking to help me get to military bootcamp so I can at least have something, but apparently that's to much to ask for. At this point I have no idea what I'm saying anymore. I'm just so sick and tired of living in a world knowing things won't get better for me. All I wanted to do is join the military and help my parents and everyone else out and have a home and not get evicted. I'm tired of it.but I guess my dream will stay as it is. I just want to give up so badly I'm tired of crying everyone I really am. Sorry to bother everyone. Ik this doesn't make sense but it's just something I wanted to say. If your reading this well, sorry for bothering you.",-0.9751,negative,angry 2279,depressed,Is there any point in trying anymore?,listener_1,2,It’s not a bother at all...I’m sorry you are in such pain. I can relate a lot because I too feel trapped in my depression....I used to have a lot of potential but the pain and suffering of depression keeps me from wanting to live...which makes any progress I make toward my goals seem impossible. I want to give you an internet hug...I wish you didn’t have to feel this pain.,-0.9455,negative,sympathizing 2279,depressed,Is there any point in trying anymore?,speaker,3,"Thanks for the hug, and I appreciate you commenting. It means a lot to me.",0.8271,positive,grateful 2279,depressed,Is there any point in trying anymore?,speaker,4,"I've put in alot of effort to so many places,but I won't stop there just because. I should've included that I'm sorry that I didn't. But thanks for talking to me I needed it.",-0.4243,negative,sympathizing 2279,depressed,Is there any point in trying anymore?,listener_2,5,Anytime,0.0,neutral,angry 2280,depressed,Anyone else not want to die only bc their pet?,speaker,1,There’s to many words to describe why I need to kill myself and have to but.. my cat. She loves me the most & I wouldn’t want anyone else to take care of her but I am absolutely miserable and this isn’t even a mindset thing. I have been hurting way to much my entire life for this to continue much longer. Just wanna see if anyone else can relate,-0.0873,negative,sad 2280,depressed,Anyone else not want to die only bc their pet?,listener_1,2," holy shit snacks, yes!",-0.2942,negative,agreeing 2280,depressed,Anyone else not want to die only bc their pet?,speaker,3,Glad I’m not the only one 🙏🏼🙏🏼,0.4588,positive,grateful 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,speaker,1,I’m in therapy because I am terrified of men. I’m married to a man whom I love and have a wonderful father. The rest scare the shit out of me. Tonight this guy asked to hear my rape story. I said no. He went off telling me it was probably my fault and I deserved it. I seriously want to kill myself right now.,-0.8316,negative,terrified 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_1,2,"It's ok to be scared of us men tbh I'm scared of some men even tho I'm a guy, it's perfectly ok with it just cause some guy said something to bring you down. He has never felt the pain that you went through ( my be embarrassment or humiliation) which you shouldn't be it wasn't your fault for what someone else did. Don't let nobody scare you have a friend or carry some kind of self defense tool like pepper spray or a gun or a tazer(sorry can't spell) . personally I have a can of pepper spray on my key chain. Hope I helped a little if you want to talk a little more I'll be here.",0.8599,positive,terrified 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,speaker,3,"And thank you so much for sharing your story. I am sorry that happened to you. I hav been suicidal since I was 13 (for 13 years now) and attempted once. I’m okay, I am safe and I have coping techniques, last night just hit me really hard and kind of fucked me up. I appreciate your kindness.",0.4363,positive,sympathizing 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,speaker,4,I mean my husband has shown me that a million times. I just get major down times sometimes. Thank you!!,0.4738,positive,grateful 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_2,5,I for one agree with you and thank you for trying to help someone.,0.7717,positive,agreeing 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_3,6,I want you to read these and comment that you understand why your initial response was not ok (none of your responses after that were acceptable). https://www.trinitonian.com/notallmen-is-harmful-to-women/ https://time.com/79357/not-all-men-a-brief-history-of-every-dudes-favorite-argument/ https://medium.com/@KirstyStricklan/why-men-should-stop-saying-notallmen-immediately-f657e244f7a1 https://www.peoplesworld.org/article/the-twilight-zone-not-all-men-and-the-horrors-of-toxic-masculinity/,0.1808,positive,angry 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,speaker,7,Omg did you really pull out the “not all men” “men are treated like shit” on this thread? You’re part of the problem dude.,-0.0516,negative,angry 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,speaker,8,Yeah I really don’t need the “not all men” sjw shit rn 🙄,-0.34,negative,agreeing 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_3,9,You are absolutely correct.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_4,10,"So every single man out there rapes women and is sexist and shit? No. That’s all I’m trying to say. You say that you’re “scared of men” so I used that point so you wouldn’t be anymore, sorry that I triggered you, lol. Guess you’re that type..",-0.765,negative,sympathizing 2281,depressed,TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ASSAULT/RAPE please don’t read the body of this text if you will get triggered!,listener_5,11,"When I was a kid, I was attacked by a dog. I was afraid of all large breed dogs for years because of it. Do you really think you could have instantly cured my fear by telling 10 year old me that not all dogs are aggressive so I should just stop being scared?",-0.8979,negative,questioning 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,speaker,1,They just wouldn't get it and everything they do that involves me will change. I know they'll ask why and I'm not going to be able to answer it. But that's not enough. Like I wish I could tell them and have nothing change but life doesn't work like that. I'll just move out on my own and get a cat,-0.1974,negative,lonely 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,listener_1,2,I understand how you feel about the parents I can't tell them either tbh I just talk on here to get things off my chest and I try to be honest to really close friends and get support that way Hope best of luck if you want to talk I'm here,0.9627,positive,trusting 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,speaker,3,Very much yes pls,0.5487,positive,agreeing 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,listener_2,4,What's your favourite pizza ? How about ice cream ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,listener_3,5,Perhaps someone closer to your age would be able to help?,0.4019,positive,suggesting 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,speaker,6,Thank you. I think it really is helpful just knowing that someone understands and can relate to what you say,0.6786,positive,acknowledging 2282,depressed,I cant tell my parents...,listener_3,7,Absolutely. Everyone struggles with something but few are brave enough to open up.,0.5734,positive,agreeing 2283,depressed,Any advice for a depressed student?,speaker,1,"I have two really important exams coming up (two and three weeks away) in subjects I am abysmal at, but scoring well enough will let me move forward towards getting my dream job. The problem is, my depression has pretty much made me give up already.. I can’t focus, I can’t do any work at all because I’m constantly just thinking “it’s too late, I’ve already failed, there’s nothing I can do” I hope there’s some students on here who have experienced similar and can maybe share how they overcame/learned to deal with this kind of problem?",-0.3384,negative,anticipating 2283,depressed,Any advice for a depressed student?,listener_1,2,"I too had issues with subjects. Math was one of them. I took days off of work, went to Panera, turned on my favorite music, and just sat there for 9 hours a day working my ass off to pass. I actually looked forward to it because I was treating myself to a Panera day. Maybe doing this will help?",0.29600000000000004,positive,confident 2283,depressed,Any advice for a depressed student?,listener_2,3,"Yes this is perfect advice. I struggle with focusing on work, I get caught up in my thoughts and sleep all day. I’m in college so what I do is force myself to go to Starbucks and sit there all day. I take my books and my laptop, sometimes headphones but Starbucks plays music. I usually am very productive. And I too look forward to treating myself with Lhasa delicious drinks as a reward for my hard work. And I got familiar with some of the other regulars so it’s become a really welcoming environment and I look forward to it.",0.963,positive,grateful 2284,depressed,I need advice. Its time i talked to myself.,speaker,1,I normally drown my thoughts using music so i dont have to think about everything that has been going on in my life. But i convinced myself to not do that tonight. So i can have a lengthy conversation with myself about what i want to do and what i should do and who i want to be andwhat i should be and how i should act and behave etc. I dont know how this is going to go so i need advice so that i dont fall into a loop hole of despair and agony more than now.,-0.5499,negative,apprehensive 2284,depressed,I need advice. Its time i talked to myself.,listener_1,2,"What makes you happy in life? Not just pleasure in the moment but happiness that sticks with you, that helps you fall right to sleep without any stress or regret It took me a long time to answer this for myself",0.838,positive,content 2284,depressed,I need advice. Its time i talked to myself.,speaker,3,A little update. I did talk to myself but i started off with this question. I should've started with something simpler because i spent the entire night just thinking about eternal happiness. Went on the internet to see what other people think; most of their answers consisted of things like friends and love. Unfortunately i have lost the first and hence cant get the latter either. I have the answer though. Its friends. Friends that i had. Friends that i had made in these past years. But now i dont have them. Lost them all. Either dead or angry with me. I cant do anything to fix it. I tried to but it only made things worse. Well. That was one night. Maybe the next night i will start slowly and slowly approach anoyher comment. But thanks for all the help. I appreciate it.,0.9798,positive,disappointed 2284,depressed,I need advice. Its time i talked to myself.,listener_2,4,"Ever thought of making new friends? Go do something different. Join a gym, say good morning, evening, etc. to people. Book a cruise alone, take a walking tour somewhere , stay in a haunted hotel for Halloween, make friends over cocktails in the courtyard , volunteer at a soup kitchen and talk to the other volunteers, etc. Those are just a few ideas. .",0.7351,positive,caring 2285,depressed,I (M18) am weak and a coward,speaker,1,"As the title says, there are so many things which play a factor as to why I'm this way. Firstly, my really, really bad health is affecting me massively. I suffered two brain hemorrhages in my life already and it has really damaged me mentally and physically. I lost a lot of blood and weight, as I also suffer with constant fatigue and tiredness. This always stops me from the things I enjoy doing. Prior to the second incident, (which happened at 15 years of age), I was a completely different person (or so I've been told). I behaved differently and just was more an open person. I'd be so joyful and most importantly, happy! I was eating food regularly, be sharp minded and have better health overall. Secondly, my current ex-girlfriend of a year broke up with me and that really deteriorated my motivation. We was together for a year and half (on/off). I say that, as she continuously ended things and wanted back. Throughout those times, I took her back because I was deeply in love with her. I seriously couldn't imagine myself without her, as she supported me a lot and helped me in my toughest times. But the last time she broke up with me it was permanent, as she told me that ""the love I had towards you faded away."" I'd be forced to never get back with her, because she is with someone else. But overall, that just added more salt to the wound. I lost even more motivation, as including the negative thinking affected my health. I eat a whole lot less and I'm constantly overthinking, which kills my appetite and gives me painful headaches. I've have friends (and I use that term loosely), because I've hardly been in contact with any of them for couple months. I hardly talk with any of them, because these issues are constantly overtaking me. It's as though I'm battling all of these issues all alone and everyone around me is completely oblivious as to what I'm going through. I've been distance from them for reason, but it really shows who cares and who doesn't. Sure they're busy, but a simple text to ask what's going on, goes a long way. On a regular basis, I'm tending to find myself drinking a lot more. Not to go as far as an alcoholic, but I do get drunk and use the alcohol to reduce my problems. I was also considering quitting my job, as I've no motivation or purpose to earn unnecessary money. I don't want to be around any longer, to have mountains of money going to waste. These issues just get worse day by day, no matter how many times I try to fool myself by saying ""it'll get better."" It never does and at the end of the day, I'm always on the brink of doing something ridiculous to myself. I want off from this world, because I'm no use to anyone or anything. I am weak and a coward.",-0.991,negative,devastated 2285,depressed,I (M18) am weak and a coward,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry I can't do anything more than type here. Well, may I ask if you have any family to talk to? Are you in therapy? I highly suggest talking to someone you can really trust, whether it be a friend, family, hell, vent out to a notebook, a personal journal of all your feelings. But know that I'm always free to talk. Don't let your ex get you down. You deserve better. I do hope you learn from that experience, that, that was not a healthy relationship. You deserve better. I do also suggest working on your eating habits. Have some kind of routine. Build up your appetite. Slowly, eat more and more. Eat one bite more on the first day. Eat two bites more on the second, etc. Also, please do listen to those Most Emotional Music videos on YT. It helped me. Everdream is a personal favorite. And take a walk. Roam around, admire the little things in life. A drink once in a while is fine, but don't let it get to far. On your job. If you think you have money that can sustain you, then do quit. Find something that actually makes you happy. Lastly, you aren't a coward. If you've been through all of that, if you're unsure of what will happen, if you're still here despite everything. What makes you think you're a coward? True courage is to stay against all odds. Fear still lingers, but that didn't make you run away. I'll be here waiting if you ever need to talk. Good luck bud, I'm cheering you on.",0.9942,positive,sympathizing 2285,depressed,I (M18) am weak and a coward,speaker,3,"Thanks for your response. Everything you've said is true and really nice to read. I'll take good action on your advice and I hope things DO get better. Thanks once again, I really appreciate it.",0.9697,positive,encouraging 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,speaker,1,"If I have to poison myself a little bit to kill something that’s going to hurt me, I’m doing it.",-0.9069,negative,guilty 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,listener_1,2,"Dude I'm thinking a lot about starting to drink or smoke marijuana, I need to wreck myself so bad.",-0.7713,negative,apprehensive 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,speaker,3,"I know I’m self medicating, and that’s not always a good thing, but sometimes you just want to dull the pain.",-0.8501,negative,caring 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,speaker,4,"You are, of course, correct. Right now my car’s in the shop for probably a few weeks, so I have nothing to do but sit here by myself, I could of course Uber somewhere, but to do what? When it’s my week to have my daughter I don’t drink at all until I put her to bed, but on the opposite weeks, if I don’t have work and I’m stuck at home...",-0.3612,negative,lonely 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,listener_2,5,"you could start a personal project of some sort. i recently started making a video game in my free time, and even though i spend half the time i plan to spend making it just procrastinating or trying to convince myself that it isn't a useless endeavor, it's something.",0.7672,positive,neutral 2286,depressed,Alcohol is like bug spray,speaker,6,"I actually made pickles for the first time today, something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I think they’re going to turn out pretty good, after about 6 hours in the brine they’re already tasing pretty good. I’ve been taking up exercising again, recently lost about 20 pounds, now I’m trying to build some muscle back up. I’m actually in a pretty good place right now, even with some recent roadblocks, it just sucks not having a car to do little things like run down to the store or whatever. Costs $12 for an Uber to the nearest store, that’s a waste of money unless it’s something I really need, so I’m kind of just stuck.",0.8984,positive,confident 2287,depressed,"I've been in my first serious work for 3 months, I'm terrible at it, I'm making everybody waste their time and I'm fucking anxious and depressed",speaker,1,"When I entered the selection process, I absolutely shore that wasn't going to be chosen. There was an ex classmate of mine also trying to get the job. Buy they keep calling me for more interviews and I ended with the position. I received 2 or 3 reprimands for my two bosses. When o completed the 2 probation months I was going to tell them i didn't wanted the position, not me because I actually didn't wanted it, but because I felt I was terrible at it. Yet I decided to accept and now it's worst, I have a lot of things to do, some of them I haven't done before because I didn't have prior experience (i just graduated from uni 3 months before starting the job), there are some things I should have done by past month but i didn't have time to do, I have a reunion with 4 people with the same job as me in others cities and with my boss and I'm fucking panicking, I have a presentation and I'm not ready for it, I don't know the organization well enough, I'm nos sleeping well, i want to cry everytime i wake up in the morning, I'm eating like a fucking pig, I'm spending more money than I should, my assigned budget is messed, my boss basically says I'm fucking things cause i spend to much, I'm afraid my boss will reprimand at me in front of all of my coworkers, I'm afraid they find out stupid mistakes I've made, I'm afraid they notice I'm a fucking inept. I'm fucking crying and thinking ""man if I die tonight I wouldn't need to go to work tomorrow"". Is the best fucking job I've been offered and I'm terrible at this.",-0.9845,negative,ashamed 2287,depressed,"I've been in my first serious work for 3 months, I'm terrible at it, I'm making everybody waste their time and I'm fucking anxious and depressed",speaker,2,Know I write English like a good damn caveman,0.4019,positive,confident 2287,depressed,"I've been in my first serious work for 3 months, I'm terrible at it, I'm making everybody waste their time and I'm fucking anxious and depressed",speaker,3,Fuck you,-0.5423,negative,angry 2288,depressed,Help.,speaker,1, .i wanna cut again. im so tired. I cant feel anything but pain. I cant do it. Just let me end it. Im so tired. Just please kill me now. I cant do this anymore. Im so tired. I'm so afraid to do anything. I'm so tired. Just let me fade away. Im so tired. I wanna die. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Im so tired. Im so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. Let me die,-0.9986,negative,sad 2288,depressed,Help.,listener_1,2,Don’t do it it’s not worth going though that pain bro thats exactly what they want. You to feel pain not give in.,-0.7885,negative,agreeing 2288,depressed,Help.,speaker,3,I cut last night I'm sorry,-0.34,negative,sympathizing 2289,depressed,I just want to find someone who can accept that I have problems with depression and anxiety.,speaker,1,"Every time my problems with anxiety and depression pop off I get dumped because no one wants to deal with my shit and it ends up making the problem worse. Idk I'm feeling really down right now and I wish I had someone willing to be here for me right now, but no one wants to deal with it.",-0.9022,negative,lonely 2289,depressed,I just want to find someone who can accept that I have problems with depression and anxiety.,listener_1,2,We in this community accept exactly those people. you have come to the right place. social anxiety? no problem; just pm a stranger. its like texting a friend but you dont know them and dont have to meet them. &#x200B; pm whenever you are ready. its always free.,0.9123,positive,agreeing 2289,depressed,I just want to find someone who can accept that I have problems with depression and anxiety.,speaker,3,"Genaral Anxiety.... Mostly, but yeah I might take you up on that. Being more open and talking about some of the shit I'm dealing with instead of keeping it all in is something I've been trying to work on. The rub is in doing so feeds back into the anxiety of whether or not I am a narsasis, because I'm making it all about me.",0.7845,positive,apprehensive 2289,depressed,I just want to find someone who can accept that I have problems with depression and anxiety.,listener_1,4,or don't its your choice,0.0,neutral,questioning 2289,depressed,I just want to find someone who can accept that I have problems with depression and anxiety.,listener_1,5,if you ever want to vent or talk about your life and possibly need help dealing with it then just post on here. this sub was made for this. &#x200B; its where people share their feelings and frustrations wit people they dont know so it does not effect their daily life and can carry on.,0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 2290,depressed,Not worth it,speaker,1,Thought she was the one guess those 3 years weren't worth much because it was all good the day before next day said she doesn't want to be with me anymore doesn't want anyone. Good to know I was tossed like nothing. Fuck it dating isn't worth it I'm fine by myself,0.5951,positive,devastated 2290,depressed,Not worth it,listener_1,2,Damn me too,-0.4019,negative,agreeing 2291,depressed,I'm not down today just need to get this off my chest and to see what you think,speaker,1,"Ok the girl I like stopped talking to since she added my best friend on social media and he hasn't talked to me since either, he knows my situation on me liking her and I have a feeling in my gut that he's taking advantage of it and making his move. I'm not mad just upset that he might not being truthful to me. When he's on she's on when she isn't he isn't, And I have no idea what community to post this on.. I don't know what to think anymore other then pretend that I never noticed I feel like asking him if hrs talking to her( like I said don't got a problem with it just upset he might be taking advantage over me) besides I'm to much of a pussy to tell her how I feel I just what y'alls opinion on this and I feel like we are falling apart lately",0.967,positive,angry 2291,depressed,I'm not down today just need to get this off my chest and to see what you think,listener_1,2,im in the same situation as u right now and idk what to do,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2292,depressed,I've lost my mind and I don't even feel like I deserve to live,speaker,1," My family has been split into two. My religious views have drastically changed to almost atheism, which has made me really depressed knowing how much of my life I chose to miss out on to follow a God that might not even exist. I've recently discovered that I'm more than likely bisexual and regret not exploring that part of myself, along with regretting exploring sexually altogether. (Because of my religious practices) I'm starting to think the ghosts I used to see when I was a kid was me just being crazy. It helped me believe in a higher being, and now instead when I look at the science of it all...I'm just insane. I've become suicidal for the past 2 months, and have tried killing myself over 10 years ago. I heavily drank from the age of 20-25, and started smoking way too much pot. I used it as a cushion for my sleep disorder because if I wasnt buzzed in some way, my thoughts kept me awake at night. My cognitive thinking has drastically decreased. Same with my memory. I currently hate the career choice I've made. Cant find a single job with benefits or paid time off or anything at all. I feel like a total douchebag and a depressed bitch who cant just wake the fuck up and be a better person. I've made some terrible mistakes in the past and cant forgive myself. It makes me hate myself even more. I used to love and be loved. I used to want to change the world and just help people. Now I cant even get out of bed in the morning. It's a constant battle of choosing to just not be sad. But, I am. I'm sad all the time. Even when I smile I remind myself that I'm sad. The only thing keeping me alive is the thought of hurting everyone around me by hurting myself. And yet surprisingly, the thought of there being no afterlife keeps me alive, too. Because if this is it, then I have to stay and hope it gets better. I just hate not knowing if it ever will.",-0.9685,negative,sad 2292,depressed,I've lost my mind and I don't even feel like I deserve to live,listener_1,2,"Is there anything that makes you happy, or even comfortable? Music? Exercise? I was where you are for a few years, the cognitive thinking/memory was very bad. Got to the point I couldn't string a sentence together. Sitting on the bed & just weeping. I got some help, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Lithium for a couple of years. Self medicated like you've described. Sorry about the religion thing, but it's a confusing time with some religions trying to supplant science, cults, I like to think of the possibility of reincarnation.",0.4736,positive,sad 2292,depressed,I've lost my mind and I don't even feel like I deserve to live,speaker,3,"Ive adjusted my sleep schedule and suggested working out 3-4 times a week. The only thing I can say that really makes me happy right now is, funny enough, my dog and cat. I like the idea of reincarnation as well. I've been told at my college graduation party that I've been here before. On earth. Before anyone else in the room. I thought the dude was crazy but he was dead serious. Got me interested ever since.",0.2574,positive,excited 2292,depressed,I've lost my mind and I don't even feel like I deserve to live,listener_1,4,Gotta get to bed. Hang in,0.0,neutral,content 2292,depressed,I've lost my mind and I don't even feel like I deserve to live,listener_1,5,"Think of the 9 lives cats have. Now imagine that each was another reincarnation & could be a reward or punishment for the previous life. Would it be locked in time? Perhaps karma would be a really shitty person coming back as an abused kid in Victorian times. Old souls & all that Look, I know nothing I say can help, but I hung in & am doing really well now. Life's never perfect, I still have battles, but it's never been as bad as when I was in late teens to 20s. Psych help can work, I hope you can get out of that hole. Glad you have the companions, and you know that they love you.",0.9448,positive,content 2293,depressed,Finally had the courage to take care of something that's been hanging over me for a while...,speaker,1,"So progress report for me; threw out the trash in my room and car (there was a lot, like enough to fill one of those industrial size garbage bags, and that's just from my car... gross). Cleaned my room, did my laundry as I said I would from my last post. But, cutting ties with my failed attempt at, what I thought at the time to be my new career, took a lot of coaxing to get myself to do. Freaking thinking about it gives me the kind of anxiety that makes your stomach hurt. Heh, should've seen me trying to get this job too, after I passed my real estate exam. ""Oh I've got a great work ethic"", ""I can totally work this and my other job at the restaurant full time"", and ""I'm looking to make this my new career."". Fast forward a year forward, I've only gone to a few training courses, and the training that I did take was not what I expected at all, and the industry itself was quite a bit different from what I expected. At the end of the day being an agent is a customer service job. So, just some personal advice, if you have low self-esteem, are an introvert, and aren't great at maintaining a lot of relationships at once, you're facing an uphill psychological battle. Fuck... what a disaster. Anyway, sorry to ramble, but long story short, finally worked up the balls to meet with my broker and tell him I'm done. So more or less I'm done with my one year failed attempt at being an agent, and I just have to figure out how much I owe the company (because you generally have to pay to hang your license with any real estate service company). &#x200B; Anyways, I'm gonna try to work up the nerve to clean my bathroom, because half a year of depression will do a disgusting number on your bathroom. Lol, fucking degenerate that I am.",-0.9917,negative,proud 2293,depressed,Finally had the courage to take care of something that's been hanging over me for a while...,listener_1,2,All i can say is good luck.,0.7096,positive,wishing 2293,depressed,Finally had the courage to take care of something that's been hanging over me for a while...,speaker,3,Thanks. That's all I can hope for. Hopefully I can pay it off.,0.7964,positive,encouraging 2294,depressed,i have no idea what i’m supposed to do,speaker,1,i recently broke up with my boyfriend of over a year for personal reason. over all it was the best choice of action. but that doesn’t change the fact that i’m depressed as fuck without him. and i miss him all the time. and i want to text him every minute. i know ultimately i made the right choice but i’m too depressed to enjoy anything so what am i supposed to do now?,-0.8779,negative,lonely 2294,depressed,i have no idea what i’m supposed to do,listener_1,2,"It's cliche but it's true: time heals. Remove his number from your phone. Start making plans with your friends to distract yourself. Doesn't matter if you will enjoy the time with them, you will be distracted. Slowly the reasons why you broke up with him will start taking forefront in your mind over you wanting to be with him. It's not going to easy, but it does get better with time so there is a light at the end of the tunnel that you will reach.",0.6985,positive,hopeful 2294,depressed,i have no idea what i’m supposed to do,speaker,3,that was all really helpful thank you. i’m not yet mentally ready to delete his number but i feel like i’m to a point that maybe i can start healing,0.6985,positive,acknowledging 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,speaker,1,I am so ready to die but I don’t want to put that burden on my family. How do I handle this pain?,-0.8799,negative,anxious 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,listener_1,2,Please don’t 😢😞,-0.5994,negative,consoling 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,speaker,3,I’ve talked to my mom about it and she suggests ways I can get help and I agree then it just never happens.,0.6369,positive,agreeing 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,listener_2,4,"lol are you me? Hang on is all I have to say, one day a cat will come up to you and you'll wanna stroke it. Find something you like doing, that's not work and try doing it a lot. Sorry if that doesn't help, I'm in a similar boat :)",0.6948,positive,sympathizing 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,speaker,5,I’m allergic to cats 😂 but thank you for the encouraging words,0.8481,positive,sympathizing 2295,depressed,Can’t kill my self,listener_2,6,oh of course 😂 ...well maybe a dog or pet of some kind? lol I'm outta ideas,0.8807,positive,suggesting 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,1,"I'm so fucking tired. And I'm not just talking tired as in I need a 6 hour nap. I'm talking about the tiredness that doesn't only ache in my bones, but also aches in my soul. I wake up in the same fucking bed, around the same fucking people, with the same fucking feeling day after day. I'm exhausted. I'm not content. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm just numb.",-0.8056,negative,lonely 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,listener_1,2,Do you think there is something you can change in your life that will bring you even a little joy? I also felt this way not too long ago.,0.5434,positive,hopeful 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,3,I'm not sure. I'm in a bad place in life right now and I can't do anything about the situation right now but wait. It's very frustrating.,-0.7918,negative,apprehensive 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,listener_1,4,Just know that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel..,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,5,"That's exactly how I feel. It's definitely better where I was, but it's still hard. Like you think about where you were a few months before and you can see the progress you've made. Yet you still feel stuck in this feeling. I'm not sure why I still feel this when I've come so far and gotten myself out of toxicity.",0.7147,positive,sad 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,6,I'm trying. I have many things to be grateful for. I'm in a rough spot but I just hope I don't feel this way still when I'm out of my rough spot. I hate feeling this way. Thank you ❤,0.8909999999999999,positive,grateful 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,7,I would love some band recommendations. I've always been in love with music. It's the only thing that keeps me from going crazy sometimes. ❤ thank you,0.9287,positive,grateful 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,listener_2,8,"okay, great! I don't know what kind of stuff you're into, but I usually listen to AJJ (formally known as Andrew Jackson Jihad)- i suggest listening to can't maintain, 1990 by daniel johnston, Belle and Sebastian, Broken Social Scene, violent femmes and the Microphones. To name a few.",-0.8313,negative,acknowledging 2296,depressed,Just needing to vent.,speaker,9,I'll check them out! Thank you!,0.4738,positive,acknowledging 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",speaker,1,"https://soundcloud.com/ghostfml/fallout I’m not sure If I’m even allowed to do this or not, but here goes nothing! And just to be clear, I’m in no way earning or benefiting from this. I think this can eventually help others calm themselves, think about their thoughts and eventually come up with a solution. I hope this helps. Remember you’re loved!",0.976,positive,caring 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",listener_1,2,where do u go to make this? because i havent been able to find anything that sounds this good and i was wondering what i could download to make something like this,0.7073,positive,questioning 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",speaker,3,I didn’t quite get your question. What did you mean where do you go to make this? 😅,0.4357,positive,questioning 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",listener_1,4,"sorry, i meant how did u make this",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",speaker,5,"Various Kontakt libraries, Serum, Strobe2 etc! The chord progression is basically the thoughts i had in my mind.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",speaker,6,Glad you did! I hope it helped you in any way possible! Much love.,0.893,positive,encouraging 2297,depressed,"I try to make music when i feel super depressed, helps me express some thoughts and emotions which are unexplainable through words. I don’t know if I can post a link of something i made last night. Last night was a nightmare for me. Couldn’t sleep with all these thoughts in my head.",speaker,7,"Sounds like my depression a little, especially that “no way out” detail.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,acknowledging 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,speaker,1,In the moment things are amazing and great but the second I think about my life as a whole everything feels so empty. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I'm having my midlife existential crisis at 21. I know I'm diagnosed with smol depression and terrible anxiety. It's just so overwhelming especially with my school bills coming up and trying to work and keep a home and still find things to make myself feel good. Sometimes I'm just so tired. Maybe I need to rest but gosh I want to do so much in life.,-0.9572,negative,lonely 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,listener_1,2,What you need is thrill in your life. Something sporty like mountain climbing. Forget rock climbing. Mountain climbing is the way to go. Or something that gives you that thrill.,0.6808,positive,excited 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,speaker,3,I currently do jiu jitsu like everyday.,0.3612,positive,confident 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,listener_1,4,Maybe its lost its charm as you do it everyday. Something change may bring it back. Jui jitsu (dont know how to spell it) sounds preety cool though.,0.4019,positive,suggesting 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,speaker,5,"I'd definitely get a thrill just walking up a large hill, I'm soooo afraid of heights it's hilarious",0.7845,positive,terrified 2298,depressed,I genuinely enjoy life but it feels empty sometimes,listener_1,6,Then this is the one for you. Testing your courage with climbing mountains.,0.4939,positive,questioning 2299,depressed,Trauma,speaker,1,"My boyfriends ptsd has kicked in to high gear recently. I also struggle with ptsd but a much different kind. Also depression and anxiety affect us both. We have only been together for a couple of months but I feel like I’ve known him forever and want to stay together. However, I need someone who can be present. I need someone communication. We are in a somewhat long distance relationship so our texts and phone calls are so valuable to me and when one of us does the two hour drive to see one another, that time is very important to me. I already feel so alone because I just moved to another state and don’t know anyone and now in my relationship with an amazing person, I am beginning to feel very lonely. I don’t want to leave him, I want to work through this together but my needs cannot be met at least at this time and I’m struggling with what to do. As I’ve said in previous posts, I’ve fallen into a deeper depression and my anxiety is super high lately. With that being said, I am usually still capable of at least making the effort to check in and say my good mornings and good nights and trying to see how he is doing. Right now it isn’t being reciprocated and it’s hurting so much. I know he isn’t doing this because he doesn’t love me. I know it isn’t personal and I know he is really struggling but it doesn’t make it any easier.",0.939,positive,trusting 2299,depressed,Trauma,listener_1,2,"I'd say you two have a lovely relationship and things like this are common when having a long distance relationship. So dont worry about it too much. As for feeling lonely, i am always free to talk to whenever you want to talk; otherwise just post on here and people will reply.",0.8906,positive,acknowledging 2299,depressed,Trauma,speaker,3,Is it ok if I add you? I have one friend back home that I can talk to but she drinks a lot and tends to be really dramatic and her answer to everything is either “leave him” or “you need a drink”. I need friends,0.7814,positive,questioning 2299,depressed,Trauma,listener_1,4,Yeah that is completely fine.,0.5095,positive,agreeing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,1,"As for me, I have 884 messages( not emails) that I need to read, acknowledge or reply, which I am avoiding. Looking for answers of this sort, funny answers, self deprecating ones are most welcome, any answer is fine. Just to humour ourselves",0.8268,positive,apprehensive 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_1,2,I'm growing a new ecosystem in the dishes that have piled up in my sink and on my counter.,0.1779,positive,disgusted 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,3, >growing a new ecosystem Good one. :) Been there done that,0.7096,positive,confident 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,4,">Havent been to classes Hmmm I can't accept on this one bud, for your sake. Yeah but it's up to you. :)",0.6134,positive,apprehensive 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,5,"Stopped calling my mom, and answer only when she calls, keeping it as crisp as possible, haven't called friends/avoiding them on messages since more than 4 months :(.",-0.2263,negative,ashamed 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,6,"Coincidentally, the roommate you are referring to is not you right ?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,7,"Yeah bud, me too, good that you reminded, let us do it today",0.6249,positive,agreeing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,8,"Oh boy you are just in stage 1, I guess( I might be wrong as well, apologies if I am). That's how it starts, slowly from under the blanket",-0.25,negative,sympathizing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_2,9,Damn. Feels bad man. The worst part is i cant call my friend even if i wanted to. He's dead.,-0.9533,negative,sad 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,10,>i cant call my friend even if i wanted to. He's dead. Oh man!,-0.8031,negative,sad 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_3,11,Right. My brother actually,0.0,neutral,surprised 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_4,12,I'm living alone so I put things off more than when I used to have roommates,-0.25,negative,lonely 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_2,13,Makes you appreciate them even more and i cant cause of anxiety and depression.,-0.1235,negative,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,14,"A quote from Antwone Fisher something on the lines of : ""I hate Jesse, he was so selfish, he knew he was my only friend, yet he left me(suicide) all alone""",-0.7573,negative,devastated 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_2,15,Relateable. Very. He was the only true friend i had . Well him and another friend. Friends for 7 years. From class 5 till 12. The rest just come and go. Not really friends.,0.8917,positive,lonely 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,16,"Can't decide on which is harder - living with loved ones, with full view of what we endure and hiding the depression or - living far away not communicating whatabouts and hiding depression",-0.7845,negative,lonely 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_3,17,From experience living with family has always been worse for me. I let them down too easily,-0.1779,negative,ashamed 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,18,>I’ve been laughing like a manic and then crying right after Pinch yourself twice hard ( same pinch) Oh wait feels same except for me with light,0.29600000000000004,positive,embarrassed 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,19,"Ok , I did not expect this :( I feel you bud",-0.2903,negative,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,20,10 beats 8 . ( I use socks over a range of 10 days) >One day I hope to do laundry again. Lol,0.6908,positive,impressed 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,21,">""wubbu lubba dub dub"" Don't know what that means but seems like I am also in the same boat. :)",0.8047,positive,agreeing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_5,22,"It's actually a Rick and Morty quote that means ""I am in great pain please help me"" .",0.7003,positive,surprised 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,23,"Whoa missed that dude, I vaguely remember now that you told. Need to visit them 2nd time.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_5,24,Idk kinda both I started to use this nick because a) I was watching Dexter from Dexter and b) because I dyed my hair red like Dexter from the laboratory 😅,0.5574,positive,ashamed 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,25,Antisocial And Antisocial and deadly And ginger Hmmm,0.0,neutral,afraid 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_5,26,A nice combo😂,0.6908,positive,acknowledging 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,27,"Ok you are depressed too. I concur, based on the 10 scale you have given, without reading my question. Np :) >Havent talked to anyone for 2 years. That should be tough man.",0.4215,positive,agreeing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_6,28,It is and i read your post but didnt had much to offer.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,29,Depression high five.,-0.5719,negative,sad 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,30,"Just making light hearted fun, who cares if we read the question completely or not on a depression sub. :)",0.9062,positive,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,31,Ooh (Clearing my throat) Assuming you also don't have a girl friend. :(,0.0772,positive,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_7,32,No I’m alone :(,-0.5204,negative,lonely 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,33,Social anxiety is killing man.,-0.7269,negative,sad 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,34,Please refrain from violence towards ourselves and others as well brothers! I donno what else to say :(,-0.5983,negative,sympathizing 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_8,35,"Just did it 30 mins ago, the scars are fresh.",0.3182,positive,neutral 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),listener_8,36,"Im fine, felt a little better after sleeping. I just want to escape from this that it's probably time to help myself because no one else will.",0.7102,positive,content 2300,depressed,How depressed are you ? ( Not on a scale of 1-10),speaker,37,"When I panic, or feel an abundance of a negative emotion my brain used to shut off. I do that willingly now sometimes. If it helps",-0.6597,negative,anxious 2301,depressed,Help. I'm going to die alone,speaker,1,I'm a man in my late thirties. My wife just walked out of my life leaving me alone with my 15 year old son. She was such a good step mom to my son. And I love her dearly. I don't know what to do. I feel like there's no more point to life. Please tell me something. I feel like I'm free falling into an abyss.,0.9403,positive,lonely 2301,depressed,Help. I'm going to die alone,listener_1,2,"I can’t imagine how difficult your situation is, but it doesn’t have to be the end of things for you. Maybe look into getting a pet? A hobby? Maybe join a volunteering organization? Anything to get you out and about.",0.3798,positive,suggesting 2301,depressed,Help. I'm going to die alone,speaker,3,"Thanks man for your story. I know I have to be here for my son. It's so freaking hard. I feel so bad about putting him through this. She was so ingrained in my life and in his life. They used to talk about hockey and she came to all the hockey games. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do. I can't sleep at night, I'm a wreck. I don't know how I'm going to face all the hockey parents this season when they start asking where my wife is, I already know I'm going to feel like such a loser when I tell them my wife left us. Even the teachers at school. Everything is so much harder when you're doing everything by yourself with your son. It's me and him alone at home, and even my cat is looking around for her, it's so depressing. I don't understand how anyone who says they love a kid can walk out on them. It's brutal.",-0.9178,negative,sentimental 2301,depressed,Help. I'm going to die alone,listener_2,4,"It sounds very hard. Losing a big piece of your life can be tough, especially knowing they’re still around somewhere, choosing to no longer be available. Sometimes that pain can be motivational. You sound very supportive of your son, so you can take that pain and harness it as “I will never leave him.” I also try to own my story as much as possible so when I interact with people that ask, I can confidently stand by my son and show I’m there and care for him regardless of what’s happened to me. I found a motivational quote recently that helped me: “Just because you carry it so well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy.” It’s still okay to struggle, and it’s okay to feel the weight of it all.",-0.1752,negative,faithful 2302,depressed,Long Distance + Depressed Boyfriend.. Help Please,speaker,1,"Hi guys, Im Female. I just joined and im still trying to find my way around... im sorry but this is going to be a very long post.. I've been in a relationship for about a year and a half.. the past 6months has been long distance.. and I noticed he started pulling away in month 2.. I didnt realise it till month 3.. I just attributed it to stress from work.. either way we spoke about it and settled the matter. This took almost a month for it to be resolved.. lots of texts and calls and saying awful things.. But I had this feeling all wasn't well, I outrightly asked if he wanted to end the relationship about 3 different times, he said NO but his actions seemed forced, like was it was hot and cold.. 2 weeks ago he finally opened up and told me he was having depression and was planning to go see a therapist.. (before we started dating he already told me he used to battle depression but he hadnt had an episode in a long while and he didnt have while we were physically together).. So I did a research on depression and decided to drop 1 positive text message every morning before work.. and it seemed like it was working and he was tryin to losen up till the weekend when he just plain ignored my messages.. and I had meltdown.. I sent him series of text messages asking him to just communicate... and ofcourse I didn't get a reply.. I waited a whole day and sent another message on Monday, asking the general questions, he replied well till we both slept off, so I decided to lean back and not initiate communication, so i wont be a bother, he texted me 2 days ago and I took my sweet time replying, but we didnt talk much. We havent spoken since then But now, firstly I'm not sure how to be his cheerleader or support in this depession thing he is goin through becasue I feel so ignored. I probably wont feel this ignored if I was physically present but anyway.. but he isnt even communicating as of now Secondly, I'm so confused. Should I keep leaing back and let him initiate every communication for now? Or I should call mayb on sunday or monday if he doesnt... Thirdly, I also feel like the relationship is over and i should move on bevasue i think he is using the depression as an excuse but for some reason I'm still holding on I'm.sorry for the long post.. I just need help and advise. Also If threre are any books anyone can recommend that'll help me.. I will appreciate it.",-0.95,negative,sympathizing 2302,depressed,Long Distance + Depressed Boyfriend.. Help Please,listener_1,2,"Hi, guy in a long distant relationship currently suffering from depression. GF also experiencing depression. We message each other everyday. Even if it isn’t much, we talk. We keep it light and try not to put too much on each other’s already fragile mind set. Bottom line though, we talk. We support each other when need be. We don’t ignore each other but we both know we are doing our on thing to help get ourselves in a better place. Not a day goes by that we say good morning and ask each other how we are doing. Even if we only message each other a few times a day, we still talk and show we care by listening and letting the other vent if need be. I don’t look for her to be my only support. I don’t look for her to put me in a better mood. That is something I figure out myself. You can’t make someone happy, that’s something they have to do themselves. We are both aware of this and strive to do what we can. The point here though is that we both make an effort to let the other one know they are appreciated for their efforts and that the support is there when needed. His distance could be due to multiple factors but you also have to take your own happiness into account. Does he still make you happy? Is he working to change himself? Can you see that effort? From what I have read, he doesn’t seem to be making that effort. I only know your side, so it’s hard to come to a concrete conclusion. But as an outsider, I see someone who is either falling deeper into depression and not taking steps to pull himself out, and another person who is taking strides to help but is holding onto something that may not exist anymore. I could come up with theories about your relationship all day, but the bottom line is are you happy? Does he still make you happy? Or is it a burden that you bare only because it is familiar?",0.9936,positive,faithful 2302,depressed,Long Distance + Depressed Boyfriend.. Help Please,speaker,3,"Thank you for your reply.. So I've found out he has gotten a therapist, im not sure when the sessions will start.. Also found out the depression has been since March.. I also knows he reads my messages immiediately i send them, but just reply half the time.. But bottom line is im not happy with the way things are but i dont think i want to break up yet (crazy!! I know).. Ive just decided to send only compasionate kind messages to him, hopefully i see a change.. What do you think?",-0.237,negative,apprehensive 2302,depressed,Long Distance + Depressed Boyfriend.. Help Please,listener_1,4,"Everyone handles depression differently. If you see improvement, great. But make sure to keep yourself happy during this time as well. On my end, I prefer to vent and release the built up mess of emotions. Make sure he knows he can do that to if need be. Overall, I think you’ve got a decent grasp on it, and have a plan going forward. Just keep it up and see how things go. You guys are still young (as am I I guess haha) so there is still a lot of learning and experiences ahead.",0.9481,positive,trusting 2303,depressed,Where are good places to go when you don’t want to be alone?,speaker,1,"Alone in Boston. What few friends I do have don’t live nearby. I feel like I haven’t interacted with anyone in so long except for brief interactions with cashiers and custodians in passing. My life’s shit and I’ve drowned that insufferable truth in weed and booze for weeks now—as many nights back as I can remember. And I’m so friggin’ lonely. I don’t want to be alone tonight. I don’t want to meet anyone new, either or pretend to be doing okay. I just want to go somewhere that I can be around the energy of other human beings so I don’t feel like an inanimate object, where I can just exist and not be locked alone in my apartment until I repeat another day like today.",0.4332,positive,lonely 2303,depressed,Where are good places to go when you don’t want to be alone?,listener_1,2,Movies?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2303,depressed,Where are good places to go when you don’t want to be alone?,speaker,3,Good idea.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2303,depressed,Where are good places to go when you don’t want to be alone?,speaker,4,Thanks for the advice.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2304,depressed,Lost my motivation,speaker,1,"I lost my motivation for everything I just can't take it anymore everybody I know is falling and I'm falling faster trying to help them. I lost the motivation to live all I want to do is party and drink. Last night I got to the point I could have died from alcohol poisoning but I didn't care, I just kept drinking, I don't remember much after that I just remembered that all I felt was "" I want to die tonight"" and kept going and going till everything went black. All I want to do is get fucked up that's the only thing I look forward to now. My friends are going through stuff and I'm trying my best to help but every time it seems like it's getting worse for them and for me. To be honest I'll fall for them then let them suffer like me but after I help them I can't bear wanting to be sober. Sorry it so long but I just needed to say something before I actually don't wake up...",0.3834,positive,ashamed 2304,depressed,Lost my motivation,listener_1,2,Keep supporting your people. I hope things get beyter soon.,0.7003,positive,encouraging 2304,depressed,Lost my motivation,speaker,3,"Their going through a lot of personal and break ups. I'm trying to help them but I don't know how to answer all their problems, it's stressing me out and their slowly fading away I don't know what to do other then drink",-0.7140000000000001,negative,sad 2304,depressed,Lost my motivation,speaker,4,"I feel you man, I'm gonna try to slow it down so I csn help them but it's gonna be a rough road ahead",0.2457,positive,caring 2305,depressed,10 years,speaker,1,I have been an adult for ten years and I have only managed to make my own life worse.,-0.4767,negative,ashamed 2305,depressed,10 years,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear, but we're here for you. Keep pushing friend.",0.631,positive,sympathizing 2305,depressed,10 years,speaker,3,Thanks bro/sis you too.,0.4404,positive,agreeing 2306,depressed,Venting,speaker,1,"I’m sad for a long time, don’t know how to be happy even if being accompanied. I can’t take it. But honestly I don’t dare to suicide, I wish someone wanted to kill and randomly choose to kill me so I could end this shit, win win.",-0.8743,negative,sad 2306,depressed,Venting,listener_1,2,"I'm just glad this is a venting post. Never give up, never surrender!",0.5093,positive,grateful 2306,depressed,Venting,speaker,3,"Hey thanks. Although this is a venting post, I’m hoping it’s true actually...",0.8176,positive,encouraging 2306,depressed,Venting,listener_1,4,Why? It's not like the killer will do it quick and painless. Lol,0.7455,positive,questioning 2306,depressed,Venting,speaker,5,Too bad haha,-0.128,negative,sympathizing 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,1,"I started to recover from depression this summer and I am very grateful. I just wanted to give y'all some tips -stay away from depression related stuff, music/movies/books anything -get people who make you miserable out of your life -*live in the moment* Don't think about the past. -Do fun things/activities -Make a change in your life. Thats all from me",-0.6133,negative,grateful 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_1,2,Lol cool you fixed the biochemical imbalance in my hormones and got rid of my manic depression with a movie!,0.1759,positive,acknowledging 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_2,3,You dont have to be so rude. theyre just sharing their life experience in a nice way. ofc it wont work for everyone but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t work at all. The post wasn’t directed towards you so stop making it about yourself and stop assuming everyone else’s life too. U cant speak for people you dont even know.,-0.7377,negative,neutral 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,4,I can't *cure* your depression. Im not a psychiatrist/expert or anything. Im nobody. These are the things i can suggest and helped me a little. Im sorry what can I say.,0.4545,positive,sympathizing 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_1,5,"Maybe think a little deeper if you’re going to give “advice” 🙄 most people who are depressed aren’t just living inactive, boring lives.",-0.6808,negative,suggesting 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,6,I never meant that. It's tips btw. Sorry I have social anxiety and mine is really f*cking messed up & boring. So please if you don't like the advice just don't be aggressive and down vote just please.,-0.3298,negative,sympathizing 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_1,7,"I’m not being aggressive, just giving you some constructive criticism. You’re addressing a complicated problem like it’s simple. Most people find that pretty degrading. And downvotes don’t matter lol",0.2603,positive,acknowledging 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,8,"I know depression is not simple, it really isn't. There are so many people using depression as an aesthetic and so less people are complaining about that. I'm just here trying to be helpful, maybe to one person just a bit. And I know any of these things i've said can't really change anything about one's life but I just wanted to say it.",-0.471,negative,caring 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_3,9,Your a good guy.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_4,10,"I've been keeping/writing a list of things that make me feel good, then even if I don't wanna do anything I do the list; \- Shower \- Eat \- Walk \- Talk Then if I'm feeling good, \- Juggle or make music \- Gymnastics \- Yoga \- Martial arts \- Volunteering",0.743,positive,prepared 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_1,11,"I'm not being rude, and I'm certainly not making it about myself. If you can't handle constructive criticism then don't post what you call advice on the internet.",0.742,positive,agreeing 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,12,Exactly! Thank you,0.4199,positive,agreeing 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,13,No one here is. And this won't cure you. If you want to be cured you need to get -actual- help,0.2023,positive,sad 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,listener_4,14,"Find the things that are good, you can recognise them right? Or at least you can see the good things you're missing? Try to seek it out, if no-one will try with you do it by yourself. What d'you like doing?",0.7677,positive,questioning 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,15,"I sometimes feel that way too. But you got to hang on there just a little more, good things will happen",0.5956,positive,faithful 2307,depressed,Some tips for my depressed pals out there,speaker,16,oh thank u,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 2308,depressed,I don't have feelings,speaker,1,"For some time, I do not feel anything, just bad things happened in my family, and I seemed to have gone through them, there was no sadness or joy. I was just in love with a boy, but it seems like it's getting bleary. My older grandmother died earlier this year, and it was terrible to me, but I did not feel anything, and my last feelings disappeared. It flashes without reason, I listen to mostly sad music but for a second I change it with something else and I return it again. In my life nothing interesting happens except that I have nightmares and sleep paralysis. I feel like a shell with nothing in it. As if I were born only to exist, to fill a place in the universe. I can not paint any more than two-and-a-half months ago, just everything I paint is not me, I can not make sense. The only thing that gives me pleasure is to listen to the rain and play the ukulele. Today I could not eat all day long felt terribly without reason, and I ate but a little while but I did not taste. Has it happened to you? Do you have any tips for me?",-0.8759,negative,sad 2308,depressed,I don't have feelings,listener_1,2,All you can do is give yourself time to process your existence. I have had a moment of existential crisis and depersonalization as if I was watching my life from a different perspective. Focus on what makes you happy and what brings you back to reality. Explore music genres and try something different.,-0.1027,negative,sad 2308,depressed,I don't have feelings,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2308,depressed,I don't have feelings,listener_2,4,Seconded,0.0,neutral,lonely 2309,depressed,Sad.,speaker,1,"I've been having terrible, illogical issues with my family and had a terrifying fight tonight with a parent who threatened suicide and has pinned all blame on me, saying that I am the worst child of all time, ungrateful, useless, disappointing, not worthy of being proud of, worse than their previous physically abusive, cheating partner, etc. I said that I wouldnt be able to live if they commited suicide, and they told me they wouldnt care if I killed myself. Ive always been a fairly logical person, but Im losing motivation to continue like this. I cant escape this and I dont know what to do. I feel like Im driving away my partner and friends with this issue I cant fix and Im falling deeper into depression. I feel worthless and alone.",-0.9803,negative,terrified 2309,depressed,Sad.,listener_1,2,We’re here for you dude hang in there. It can’t rain forever. There will be happier days ahead :),0.7506,positive,consoling 2309,depressed,Sad.,speaker,3,"That's what I keep thinking but last night really felt like it could have been the end and that's what terrifies me. Now knowing that I will never be able to convince them I am right or that they are wrong, I am certain this will never end. You can't fight an illogical argument with reason or even emotion. All you can do is placate the situation by continuously apologizing and saying you're wrong.",-0.8077,negative,terrified 2309,depressed,Sad.,listener_2,4,Seconded,0.0,neutral,lonely 2309,depressed,Sad.,speaker,5,"22, but it is a situation where if I leave, Im honrstly worried the other party might do something morbid. They also raised me so I feel guilt all the time as well, no matter how wrong they are.",-0.6377,negative,neutral 2309,depressed,Sad.,speaker,6,"I saw a doctor/therapist briefly, but it is too expensive and I have a lot happening right now to maintain a schedule. The parent will NEVER see one, as they think there is nothing wrong with them. The doctor thinks the parent has severe BPD (borderline personality disorder), where the only treatment and diagnosis is really verbal and through communication...",-0.5602,negative,apprehensive 2309,depressed,Sad.,listener_3,7,"That’s really hard and I can’t relate to this so I know my advice isn’t that great, but you really should find a way out. Know that whatever comes from it is not your fault at all, you have HAVE to put yourself first!",0.6578,positive,agreeing 2309,depressed,Sad.,listener_4,8,"I am not in therapy either, due to expense, but I do see a GP doc every three months and take a cheap antidepressant. You might want to just discuss your options with a regular doc tell him money is an issue. Also look for depression group therapy, its usually cheaper. A good place I've looked on-line is meet up. Regardless, I'm glad you're here. It helps me more than therapy.",0.7684,positive,acknowledging 2309,depressed,Sad.,listener_1,9,"As long as you know you were right you’ve already won. And yes you did the right thing; choose your battles, illogical arguments are not worth fighting for, so it’s easier for you to step back rather than go against it.",0.6831,positive,agreeing 2310,depressed,Life is meaningless,speaker,1,I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t have anyone that cares. Life is meaning less. My life is a waste. I can’t change the way that I am. Suicidal thoughts everyday,-0.6486,negative,lonely 2310,depressed,Life is meaningless,listener_1,2,"Hang in there, bud :(",-0.4404,negative,consoling 2310,depressed,Life is meaningless,speaker,3,I’m trying,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2311,depressed,My friends hate me,speaker,1,"I’ve recently become depressed and I’m slowly losing all my friends. One of my friends has been staying by my side because I’ve been suicidal a lot recently and I’ve attempted several times. Yesterday, he told me that he feels like our friendship is slipping and we got into an argument. I told him I almost killed myself the night before and out of hatred he told me, “goodnight. Don’t do anything stupid. But goodnight”. I cried all night about that small statement and now he hasn’t talked to me all day. He was one of the few friends I had left and I’m so worried I ruined everything because this monster inside of me. I don’t know what to do. Should I message him about it or just wait for him to come around?",-0.9193,negative,trusting 2311,depressed,My friends hate me,listener_1,2,I say message him about it but I tell u this if u need a friend I can be that friend for u,0.8625,positive,trusting 2311,depressed,My friends hate me,speaker,3,Update: I messaged him and he left me on read. All I can do is just be patient with him. I can’t force him to be ready,0.3612,positive,annoyed 2311,depressed,My friends hate me,listener_1,4,Yeah that’s the right thing to do. But i say this be careful bc he might try to hurt u so stay safe alright,0.5366,positive,neutral 2312,depressed,A dying hope.,speaker,1,"Imagine being so lonely you feel like the only way to have a family or have someone recognize you, is to create and establish an entire religion.",0.0922,positive,lonely 2312,depressed,A dying hope.,listener_1,2,Being spiritual is actually quite fun. I made up my own religion as I go. I make up the rules now.,0.5563,positive,confident 2312,depressed,A dying hope.,speaker,3,I kinda see how that would be fun or quirky. I might actually do that.,0.5106,positive,acknowledging 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,speaker,1,"So when I was a kid my dads idea of the 'bird's and the bee's' talk was to give me a few books, saying you'll grow hair in places etc. Funnily enough I was a late bloomer (15/16 ish) so I felt even \*more\* weird not having pubic hair! I had long hair though and was liked by a lot of girls, I remember to this day one wrote me a love-note and I just froze and didn't know what to do. I tried to talk to my dad about it but he lived 300 miles away so we'd only speak every 2-3 weeks. His response was ""to just wait around until someone takes interest in you"", I said yeah that happened and he withdrew from the conversation within 5 mins. So then after that girl (I was maybe 9-10) 3 other girls liked me (until I left that school), I'd wait for them to make the move or make it obvious lol. But I kept on freezing up and started to hate myself, then at 11 joined top school (I live in the UK) . There was a girl down my street who I'd knew forever, we'd play in the street from 7+, we were very close. Now I'm 12-13 and hear her yell ""Hey! \[real name\]....I love you!"" from a mutual friends window, I cringe at myself remembering shouting ""Cool..."" and walking on. She later fucked near everyone I knew and goddamn if I couldn't hate myself more. Now I'm 14-15, it's AOL IM days, I start talking to another girl a year younger than me on prozac, self harms and is depressed. We'd talk for hours and went out a few times but I never made a move, neither did she but I just liked being around her. I disappear to try collage where my dad lives, tell no-one, deactivate my facebook account all social media. My dad smokes weed and drinks everyday so I started too. Now at 24 I've drank and used drugs for the past 8 years, dropped out of college, become dependent on heroin, benzos, pregabalin, alcohol & mirtazapine. I have nightmares of being around the people I used to love and hugging them daily only to wake up to hell. Life is just hell. &#x200B; Does anyone else regret they're younger days? and has anyone had a successful relationship after 24 years of fucking up lol? I feel like I'm damaged forever",0.9023,positive,embarrassed 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,listener_1,2,"I hate to say it, but you father sounds like a bad influence. If I were you, I'd cut off ties with him until he starts developing healthy habits. It's obvious that you look up to him and you want to be close to him, but it's not helping you. Keep your head up man.",-0.5903,negative,acknowledging 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,speaker,3,"I'd agree there, I'd often borrow money if I really needed then go to pay it back and he'd ask for me to pay him in drugs (speed, mdma, shrooms, hash weed etc). He's totally isolated from his family and has no friends, it was only after I spoke to my therapist (2-3 months ago) that I learnt parents aren't supposed to ask their kids to go buy drugs for them. I try to be close and help but I don't think he want's to get better, so I can't do much. He's 61 and has been doing this all my life. He won't change, so I have to. It's just so draining! Thanks,",0.8416,positive,agreeing 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,speaker,4,"But I've never even kissed a girl, let alone had any flings or anything sexual. That really scares me, do I mention it? I know I'll fuck up and it'll be obvious but you got any idea how to tackle that? Other than practice I can't see any other way. Also I have no friends! I guess I need to find something to do that's more social, then go from there. Am I right? I juggle in the park when I have the energy and it's very fulfilling as to how many people see me as approachable and it leads to talking etc. Thanks for the reply anyway :)",-0.8036,negative,afraid 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,speaker,5,"Thanks for the reply! A lot of 'mental health professionals' are just like, well stop using drugs, but it's not that simple. The environment and isolation is the problem, the symptom is drug abuse I think I went to a group today but didn't say anything :/ , ahh well I'm gonna keep going, eventually I'll talk",-0.8094,negative,neutral 2313,depressed,I've never had a relationship (24M) and I feel like I missed out,speaker,6,"Exactly! Even if I did get into a relationship I'd be a shit boyfriend, I kinda don't wanna put anyone else through dealing with me if that makes sense. I was totally clueless that I was supposed to do something at the time, then talking about it to my parents made it even worse lol",-0.7897,negative,agreeing 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,speaker,1,"Please share, what gets you out of bed when your on the floor with depression.",-0.0516,negative,questioning 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,listener_1,2,The need to shit. It's my only weakness,-0.7506,negative,ashamed 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,speaker,3,And then,0.0,neutral,neutral 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,speaker,4,Any fun responsibilities? Or just those that get the bills paid?,0.5661,positive,questioning 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,speaker,5,Then what?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,listener_2,6,To not waste all the money spent on training me and to stay in one piece for my family.,0.3252,positive,faithful 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,speaker,7,Thanks for answering!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,listener_3,8,"Personally I wake up, shit, piss whatever, get some tea (I like tea), then go on reddit, listen to a podcast. I have medication I have to take under supervision at the pharmacy, so then I'll try to shower and walk there and back. By the time I'm back I feel like I've completed something even though I haven't, so sometimes I'll keep going and entertain kids in the park with my mad juggling/magic skillz, it takes me back to my own ""Holy shit that's possible!"" mindset when I was a kid. Sorry if that didn't help. But I guess seeing people smile and have fun is the goal, I miss a lot of the time though",0.4429,positive,confident 2314,depressed,Why do you get up in the morning?,listener_1,9,"I get up, go to the bathroom, shit, and I'm too lazy to go back into bed",-0.7269,negative,ashamed 2315,depressed,What am I?,speaker,1,"I don’t know what I am. I feel like classification is a huge thing in today’s world, and I don’t know what I am. Especially when it comes to the world of sadness. I hate calling myself depressed because I always felt like there is always someone having a worse time, and my parent told me that I never had a problem, but I just don’t know what anymore. I’ve planned cutting myself on multiple occasions but never do it. I’m only writing this because I thought maybe someone had the same feelings. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The only person I talk to is my female friend. That’s all. Anyone else?",0.2093,positive,sad 2315,depressed,What am I?,listener_1,2,"First off don't cut yourself believe me it's not worth it. I know it's hard not to hurt yourself or start down grading yourself, your not alone in anything we all can relate to how you feel and we support each other no matter what we are feeling . Personally I don't know what to say what I am either now days it's different religious, gender, and sexual attractions.",0.8477,positive,agreeing 2315,depressed,What am I?,speaker,3,"I know man, it’s just tough. I’m trying to stay away from negative things so for now I’m just taking my life one step at a time.",-0.6369,negative,agreeing 2315,depressed,What am I?,listener_1,4,"I feel you I've been trying the same thing keeping the positive vibes and throwing the negative ones away. It's hard to do it when all you can think about is what stressing you out or what's making you sad. Just try to stay around positive people and let loose, try to have fun and keep your mind on what y'all will do tomorrow.",-0.128,negative,sentimental 2315,depressed,What am I?,speaker,5,👍,0.0,neutral,proud 2316,depressed,Why do i get sad one day out of a month?,speaker,1,"I like to consider myself a pretty happy person. I can be having a great month but once a month ill just get super sad/anxious for no reason and the next day ill be normal again. Does anyone why this is?:,(",0.4404,positive,sad 2316,depressed,Why do i get sad one day out of a month?,listener_1,2,"It happens to me sometimes except it’s usually more than a day. I would keep myself entertained and happy with videos, but then suddenly I’d reflect on my shitty life and I’d have dark thoughts.",-0.4019,negative,sad 2316,depressed,Why do i get sad one day out of a month?,listener_2,3,"Same, and it's just impossible to pinpoint the actual problem.",-0.4019,negative,agreeing 2316,depressed,Why do i get sad one day out of a month?,speaker,4,"damn, i feel that. if you ever need to talk it out tho, im here !:-)",-0.4574,negative,agreeing 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,speaker,1,"For the past few years ive been struggling with being trans (FtM) and recently it has been worse than its ever been. I dont ever feel comfortable with myself and my parents are extremely against the LGBT community. Ive never come out to them as bi or trans, and I never plan to. I get treated like a child around the house because of my depression just being viewed as me being lazy. I dropped out of college and have no job at the age of 21. They give me curfew and I cant use my computer (that i bought with my own money) past 12am because I “spend all day playing video games” I spend the majority of it playing games because theyre the only thing that brings me some sort of joy and I can distract my brain by constantly engaging in something. I also spend my time on the pc looking for jobs and practicing my art incase I ever want to go back to school. None of that seems to matter though as I’m just seen as failure and a disappointment. As a child I was “gifted” which just meant smarter than average. In high school I took AP classes, only to result in me having no motivation. Ive always hated school and just took the classes because they were set in a quiet environment. So it makes sense why they look at me the way they do. Theryre disappointed but dont have the heart to kick me out. Sometimes I think about coming out as trans to them so theyd have a reason to kick me out and stop “loving” me. Today my brothers girlfriend got diagnosed with BPD and my dad kept telling me she was dangerous and I needed to be careful because she was going to kill me. They view her depression and anxiety as a joke and constantly call her names behind her back and how shes sick in the head for acting this way. It really tanked my whole mood and made me realize theyll never care about my own depression and anxiety and just call me names. I cant deal with them anymore, I dont want to live in this house anymore. I feel so alone and I really have no one I can talk to about any of this. I just dont want to live as there doesnt seem to be any escape from the hell I call home. Ive been trying to get my life back together by learning to drive and attempting to find a job, but my dads response to that was just more disappointment and more treating me like a child. I asked him for more time on the computer since i bought it with my own money but he said i was crazy and to stop bothering him. I just feel like instead of trying anymore I should just waste my whole life away in my room on my computer. No matter what I do I dont feel good enough. I cant even dress how I want or like the things I do without my mother telling me im wrong. I hate living in this house, I hate living in this body, moving out isnt even possible because rent in los angeles is so damn high I just feel like I dont want to exist anymore. I dont want to live. Im not suicidal because I dont think I could ever kill myself but I just want to not be alive anymore.",-0.9983,negative,ashamed 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,listener_1,2,Way to post and reach out. Sounds like your in a really tough place. There's a lot of resources out there. Keep fighting. It does get better,0.2975,positive,acknowledging 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,speaker,3,"thanks for believing in me, it made me tear up",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,speaker,4,thank you so much for taking the time to read this and offer advice i really appreciate it. finding a job is hard bc of anxiety but i applied to some places so hopefully moving out is on the horizon within a year,0.7866,positive,encouraging 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,speaker,5,"i dont blame them for how they were raised but i just want no part in it anymore. their views are old and outdated, moving to another city seems hard since all ive ever known is the area where im in. thanks for the love, i needed something like this <3",0.9094,positive,neutral 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,speaker,6,"im glad you were able to better your own situation, hopefully i can do the same :) even if its not instant i dont want to live like this anymore and i dont want to necessarily die so the only option left is to take matters into my own hands. itll hurt knowing my own family will talk bad of me and not respect me as a person once i start transitioning but i can just make a new family like you said. thank you for sharing your story with me and i hope everything goes well for you",0.9469,positive,consoling 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,listener_2,7,Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help! 💛,0.8588,positive,suggesting 2317,depressed,I came to the conclusion I just dont want to live anymore,listener_3,8,"of course, no problem",0.3089,positive,agreeing 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,1,I come from a very family oriented family and I love them dearly but nothing I do is ever good enough for them. I work for my families business and always thought I'd report to my dad but I report to my brother.. Everyone tells me he loves me but all he does is shout at me and tell me I'm bad at my job but he tells everyone else I'm good at it. I'm so confused. My brother could do everything wrong at work or at home and be my parents favourite but I strive to do everything right (I'm a perfectionist) and make them proud but nothing happens except my parents disappointment. What do I do? I don't want to cut them out of my life but they don't make it easy to carry on working with them. I feel so trapped in my job and my depression is just spiraling more and more and more. Someone please help me.,-0.1764,negative,trusting 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_1,2,"I know the feeling man. My family's pretty family oriented too but I always feel their judgement when I'm with them. I'm the black sheep sadly. The way I handle it is I only see them when I have to, holidays and birthdays that's it. I love em but they make me wanna kill myself.",0.0772,positive,jealous 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,3,"That's exactly how I feel but working with them makes it harder. I live 10 minutes away from them and as a business they ""invested"" in my training and are now guilting me into doing work and staying an employee is easier until I pay for the training 😭",-0.2617,negative,agreeing 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,4,"Thank you, I've always been so close to my dad and this is so hard because I always wanted to work with him but it's nothing like I thought it would be. My mum's worse, she fell out with me today and tapped me in MY OWN CAR to confront me about a fall out that happened in her own head! And then wonders why I'm upset. She's psychotic, I swear. My brother feels like he can discipline me like a father or grandfather but it still guilts me. He told me that I need to think about how I speak to mum after she trapped me in a car. The fuck?",-0.9612,negative,angry 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_1,5,"First off, that's bull shit. If your family is truly family oriented then they'd want you to be happy. My family may look at me as the black sheep but atleast they know why I dont like being around them and they respect it and dont guilt me or force me to do things with them. Cant you talk to your father or brother and tell them you love them as family but as a person they're pretty bad and distance yourself? No amount of ""investment"" should come before their own kids feelings.",0.8558,positive,angry 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_2,6,Always remember you owe them nothing. You didn't ask to be born nor to be their child. It's their obligation to pay for your studies and etc until you can manage on your own. It's not selfish to think on ourselves first - not it makes your a less family oriented person. Do what is better for your and with your conscience clear.,0.7687,positive,agreeing 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,7,"We got a pet and pranked my mum saying we were parents and she called me a ""silly girl"". I'm 25 with my own house and I'm married... What?!",0.1007,positive,ashamed 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,8,I am trying to look after myself first but everything I do I'm made guilty of. I have such a severe vitamin D that I'm on strong supilments but I'm married and don't live with them anymore and I don't see why I have to pander to their whims all the time 😔,0.1531,positive,guilty 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,9,"Thank you, I just feel so crap all the time, like I'm always letting them down because I've been raised to put everyone else above myself 😶",0.1615,positive,ashamed 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_2,10,"I have two pets, a black cat and a cockatoo and they are my kids and my family. So don't mind their comments. ❤ I'm 29 and it doesn't make me more or less adult or mature. I live by myself on a foreign country, since I decided it was better for my mental health to move away from my family and seek for my own independence - even tho I have a fragile health- got anemia, and severe lack of vitamin D too. Sometimes you just gotta put yourself in first place or noone else will. And you're married - therefore you already have your own family and your own life. Dont let them take this from you. Take care!",0.8867,positive,lonely 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,11,"Thank you, I know that in my heart but being brought up the way I have is so freaking hard. I have to be their way or the highway and they just don't care 😒",-0.7926,negative,agreeing 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,12,"Thank you so much, my car is my own child.. it's just so hard you know? 😭",-0.3541,negative,grateful 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,13,My brother does not talk to me that way and my dad doesn't seen to be bothered enough to care. I just don't know what to odor anymore..,0.2263,positive,lonely 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_3,14,"Find another job and quite if they ask why tell them the truth, if they love you they will understand. If they don't separate from them for awile focus on friends and the family members that care. Until you think you csn handle them then start talking to them just keep contact every once in awhile. Hope this was some what usefull",0.9403,positive,consoling 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,speaker,15,That sounds like what he does. I adjust have 2 other jobs beside this one. It's just hard 😔,0.34,positive,acknowledging 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_1,16,That's exactly what I'm doing rn and it's working pretty well,0.6486,positive,agreeing 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_3,17,Great to hear hope everything gets better for you soon😊,0.9423,positive,consoling 2318,depressed,What do I do when I love my family but they're the problem?,listener_4,18,I’ve noticed that with a lot of my friends and their fathers that they don’t talk about personal stuff that often. Have you tried to sit down and talk with your dad about how hard it is for you? Your dad seems like he knows what he is doing and if he is trying to push you “out of the nest” then maybe this is just his weird and confusing way of doing it. I still agree with everyone else and I think you should leave but it might not be as quick and as easy as you might think it is.,0.743,positive,suggesting 2319,depressed,Meeting new people.,speaker,1,"I both hate being around people because i feel as if I have to be ""okay"" , yet i know that being alone is contributing to my depression. Any suggestions?",-0.8176,negative,questioning 2319,depressed,Meeting new people.,listener_1,2,"Talk to people without meeting them. Chat with strangers who can relate or people you can vent to through PM. This way you can stay home and talk to people without being ""okay"" as people will accept you for who you really are.",0.2344,positive,trusting 2319,depressed,Meeting new people.,listener_2,3,This is great advice. The people you can be real with are the best!,0.8622,positive,agreeing 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,1,"Day in day out, I stay in my room. I hardly go out, I try and make excuses to leave the house but then end up coming with excuses to stay in. I just don’t want to do anything, all I do now is play games on my computer. Things got worst ever since I started secound year of my course in Uni, so much drama and shit was stirred and it was aimed towards me... it was like secondary school all over again!! And as a result my grades started going down. I don’t have anyone to hang out with, I wish I did but I really don’t. I kinda get jealous whenever I go on Instagram or snapchat and I see people have the best times with their friends... where as me... I’m stuck at home and I’ve never been asked or invited anywhere... I feel like my depression and anxiety have just become worse..",-0.7198,negative,lonely 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,2,"I'm not sure what you are looking for, reached out to help you and you didn't respond",0.2819,positive,disappointed 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_2,3,"Do not immediately send a private message to someone who posts on here. You can reply to their post. Also, they are not required to respond to you. Plus, OP said they were sleep. Get over it. OP, when you post on here, you do need to assume people are going to offer you advice. But when they message you directly when you didn't ask for it or continually harass you, just stop replying. You will only frustrate yourself more.",-0.9022,negative,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_2,4,"This is out of control by all of you. OP, you posted on here, so people will reply assuming you are asking for advice or a response. U/deg1388, please reply on posts. Do not immediately send private messages to a poster unless they ask for them.",0.3182,positive,annoyed 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,5,"They’re not asking you for help, and I can see why. You’re leaving comments left and right",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,6,"Only because I just woke up to your messages. I was asleep, why are you sooo impatient and quick to jump? @deg1388",-0.29600000000000004,negative,surprised 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,7, If you don't want to hear replies to your post put phone on silent?,-0.0572,negative,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,8,"Woah here we go again jumping to conclusions, who said I didn’t want to reply to my posts? I switch off my phone when I sleep who are you to jump to conclusions about what I like and dislike about my posts",0.0516,positive,apprehensive 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,9,Ok there may be a reason for this full scenario your going through? Maybe don't be so aggressive and defensive? I'm out Good luck,0.7722,positive,suggesting 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,10,I’m not being aggressive but the fact that your just jumping to your own conclusions is unfair.,-0.6031,negative,neutral 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,11,Yeah you put up another post right after my reply. Hope that sleep was good. Get an argument elsewhere,0.6705,positive,annoyed 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,12,"I’m not the one looking for arguments, you messaged me and I said I’m not good with talking about it in the details that you kept a pushing me to explain. Your the aggressive type for not understanding with your narrow little mind.",-0.6914,negative,annoyed 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,13,"Not true, asked if your ok. Clearly your not. Hope you get through this.",-0.2589,negative,consoling 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,14,Perhaps you should read over my messages when I said I’m not good with explaining and thanks,0.1265,positive,suggesting 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,15,Don't reach out for help if you don't want it. And being nasty and defensive with those who try to help you... won't help you,-0.1665,negative,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,16,"Mate, you are being toxic on a sub about depression. You’re honestly making things worse",-0.5859,negative,angry 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,17,"You pressured me because I said I don’t know how to go into detail. Ofc I’m gonna be defensive if you gonna push, you should look up your strategy on how you think you help people",0.2263,positive,apprehensive 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,18,Hope your ok? Isn't pushing,0.4404,positive,consoling 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,19,Again read over in your inbox after that comment,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,20,"Again, hope you get over whatever this is",0.4404,positive,consoling 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,21,No just replying,-0.29600000000000004,negative,suggesting 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,22,"Ok, is the done thing now not to reply or reach out to help? Ok I'll just watch the next dozen posts.",0.6124,positive,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,23,"Did they ask you to reply? If they don’t want to talk to you, take a hint",0.0772,positive,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,24,Yeah they did,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,25,"Well still, take a hint. No one obligated to talk to you",-0.0258,neutral,agreeing 2320,depressed,Trapped,speaker,26,Where did I say I wanted you to reply ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,27,Ok I'll remember not to try to help anyone as I'm not 'obligated to',0.5994,positive,faithful 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,28,"Mate, THIS person doesn’t want help from you. I don’t know about anyone else. Just stop replying to their post.",0.2023,positive,annoyed 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,29,I'm replying to you!,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_3,30,Good for you...?,0.4404,positive,questioning 2320,depressed,Trapped,listener_1,31,Mate.. just stop replying on their post,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 2321,depressed,My mind,speaker,1,broken sad lonely hurt upset alone depressed suicidal angry shouting giving up empty down worthless misunderstood incapable lost pathetic ashamed bitter tense aching pained cold scared numb stressed bruised pessimistic nothing alienated suspicions ______________ i am f i n e,-0.9957,negative,sad 2321,depressed,My mind,listener_1,2,Fixed happy surrounded healed calm hugged happy alive speaking enduring satisfied up invaluable understood capable found awesome humble sweet relaxed soothed healed warm brave feeling peace firm optimistic everything known welcome to my uno reverse. Someone over here cares 😄,0.9944,positive,content 2321,depressed,My mind,speaker,3,Haha not gonna lie that was adorable and made me smile ! Thanks sweetie and i care here too so know you're never alone !!!,0.9633,positive,acknowledging 2321,depressed,My mind,listener_1,4,dork 😆,0.0258,neutral,annoyed 2321,depressed,My mind,listener_1,5,Just wanted you to smile.,0.3612,positive,joyful 2321,depressed,My mind,speaker,6,Aweeee💙💙 and i may be a dork but im a damn adorable one lmao😜,0.8909999999999999,positive,ashamed 2321,depressed,My mind,listener_1,7,agreed 😎,0.6249,positive,agreeing 2321,depressed,My mind,speaker,8,Haha that was so smooth omg 😄,0.83,positive,acknowledging 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,1,"Does anybody know how to? I just get stuck thinking about the same things over and over again. The negative stuff. I think of every angle about it and my brain jumps to the ""logical"" stuff that probably isn't accurate. But i can't stop. Do any of you guys do that too?",-0.2211,negative,questioning 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,listener_1,2,"Yes, so I got medicated to slow it down. I never really wanted to get prescribed an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication , but I tend to over think and my anxiety will get the best of me. Soon as I got on Lexapro, things have been a lot simpler for me. Talk to your doctor",0.765,positive,apprehensive 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,3,"Thank you, so much. What did you say to them? Just straight up that you've been having problems?",0.264,positive,questioning 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,listener_1,4,Exactly,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,5,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,6,Then how do i think good?,0.4404,positive,questioning 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,listener_2,7,You need to stop yourself when you feel yourself thinking something bad for you. Literally say NO in your head. You aren't doing it anymore. And think about something nice. Or do something fun. Your thoughts can cripple you if you don't take control of them. Don't be so hard on yourself. There's no point.,-0.6807,negative,disappointed 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,8,I used to be able to. But now it feels like the bad thoughts tell back. If not louder,-0.3612,negative,sad 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,listener_2,9,You need to give yourself a break. Honestly you are bullying yourself. If you feel like shit cry and get it out. Then you will feel better and start to do things for you. Remove negative / toxic people from your life. Exercise. Work on your goals. Lots of depressed people ( including me ) are just trying our best. Keep progressing!!!! you are awesome xx,-0.471,negative,wishing 2322,depressed,Stop over thinking.,speaker,10,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2323,depressed,"Can’t help the suicidal thoughts, I’m exhausted",speaker,1,"I’m tired. I’m a failure, I feel worthless and I’m only a problem for my family. I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for the last few days, and it’s getting worse. I keep failing at things, and my family keeps making it worse. I was more on the happy and optimistic, now I learn that it’s no use and being an optimistic is a bad thing because then if you do fail then people will take your word on it and will bring you down. The only thing keeping me from killing myself is my brother. I love him and he’s the only one who supports me. He’s genuine and he loves me for who I am. I feel like giving up. The only reason I’m holding on is only my brother, I’m tired of my family and I’m scared if I leave my brother then my dad, especially, will do the same to my brother. I’m tired. I’m depressed. I’m not mentally stable. I’m too emotional. My eating disorder’s not helping me either. I’m worthless. I feel like I only live for my dad, for the way he wants me to live, and if I don’t do what he says then he’ll get out the house, that he’ll leave my mom. I can’t do that to my mom. That’s why it’s better if I’m the one leaving instead? I can’t even think of rational things. I feel like I need help, I want to get better, but when I go back to my normal life then it’s no use again. I’m a puppet, I have no purpose in life but to live as the way my dad wants. I know some things are good for me, but it’s too much. I’m not myself. I’m so tired.",-0.9514,negative,sad 2323,depressed,"Can’t help the suicidal thoughts, I’m exhausted",listener_1,2,I’m here for you if you want to talk about it. One more person in the world cares about you now.,0.5106,positive,faithful 2323,depressed,"Can’t help the suicidal thoughts, I’m exhausted",speaker,3,"I’m fine, and feeling a little bit better now. Thank you! :)",0.8662,positive,grateful 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,speaker,1,I’m so tired of it. I am constantly worried that whenever I speak to anyone that all they are thinking is I’m ugly. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years. I have friends and am decently social but no girls ever wanna do shit with me. My guys friends are always the ones talking to them. I’m only 16 and As the years go I get worst. I just got into an argument with my sister and she said that the reason no one likes me is because I’m extremely unattractive with a shit personality. I have a picture of myself in one of my recent posts. I’m depressed in general but I think me being ugly is what sets me back the most. I always feel like if I was born attractive regardless of everything else I’d be okay. I just wish I could restart as a new person. As of now all I see myself doing in the future is drugs and other unimportant vents just to get by because I don’t fit in with social norms.,-0.9815,negative,embarrassed 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,listener_1,2,"If I was you I would save all my money for cosmetic surgery, I think if you had a different nose you would look fine",0.6124,positive,jealous 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,speaker,3,Well I don’t have money to do shit like that. Do you think I’m ugly regardless?,-0.5106,negative,embarrassed 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,listener_1,4,"Not ugly, but not traditionaly handsome",-0.38,negative,neutral 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,speaker,5,I mean did you see a pic of me. I’m def ugly.,-0.5106,negative,embarrassed 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,listener_2,6,Nah bro I saw you you should see my face bro,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,speaker,7,What’s that mean,0.0,neutral,questioning 2324,depressed,I feel like my whole life is fucked because I was born ugly,listener_1,8,"Just means the rest of your face is fine, but your nose distracts from everything else, the glasses don't help either",-0.6638,negative,neutral 2325,depressed,Some girl I like said Im a pussy,speaker,1,.. this was a few ears back but I just remembered and now i realize... I would have never had a chance to date or even be with her because she wants a man... not a pussy...,-0.2755,negative,neutral 2325,depressed,Some girl I like said Im a pussy,listener_1,2,Some girl once called me a cocksucker because I'm gay. Irony...,-0.6486,negative,angry 2325,depressed,Some girl I like said Im a pussy,speaker,3,Haha! Thats funny.. would work for me but i dont eat enough V vitamins,0.501,positive,acknowledging 2326,depressed,I hate my body.,speaker,1,"I’m in a wheelchair and have delt with depression a lot. I was doing better for awhile but it recently got worse. I’m incredibly ugly. My face is fine but it’s my body I hate. My chest is almost shaped like a barrel so even if I lost weight the space from my chest to my back would still be huge. I hate seeing my body in a mirror, in a window, and especially in pictures. I don’t understand how a girl could ever like me at all with how I look. I wouldn’t date a girl that looked like this so how can I expect someone to date me?",-0.9002,negative,ashamed 2326,depressed,I hate my body.,listener_1,2,"Man just try to stay positive. I know it's really hard to but it doesn't matter how you look it's who you are. Your personality, how you treat yourself, how you treat others. It doesn't matter how you look don't worry what anyone else says not even the negative part of yourself ( what I mean by that is the negative voices in your head) stay happy thinking. People love you for who you are!",0.972,positive,confident 2326,depressed,I hate my body.,speaker,3,Maybe but there’s no muscle to it.,-0.4215,negative,suggesting 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",speaker,1,"Pretty much the title. I’ve taken a lot of positive steps forward but I feel even more isolated and alone than ever. I don’t enjoy the company of the people I have in my life but am too scared of being alone. I feel like I’ve put on a persona I can’t shake. I want to start over, but that’s not reasonable. Basically I’m counting down the days until graduation but it seems too far away... What helps you all feel motivated? I’m really hitting a wall.",0.7282,positive,lonely 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",listener_1,2,"I have pretty much the same situation. I couldn’t be friends with a girl who rejected me and threw myself into three aspects of my life (two of which you speak about and the third was concentrating on my job). Anyway, to answer your question of how I stay motivated, the answer is simple. I’m very bloody minded. When a goal is in my control (i.e there’s no-one else, only I can pass or fail it), I will relentlessly pursue it. I like proving people wrong. I have many people who think I will fail and I take great delight in watching their smug faces drop when I achieve it. Take losing weight. At Easter I was 79.6kg. I was told “not to bother” or “you won’t do it”. Anyway, fast forward to today (3 and a bit months) I’m now 68kg. Not bad, eh? There are very few people in the world who want to see you succeed and many who want to see you fail. So, for the people who want to see you succeed, prove them right and for the people who want to see you fail, prove them wrong.....",0.1672,positive,confident 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",speaker,3,"I’ve been trying to do things for myself, and I am moving forward, but it’s like I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel... But you’re right. People don’t care about my success. I have to care about myself. It sucks that not everyone whose company I enjoy can be a part of my life but c’est la vie.",0.9636,positive,sad 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",speaker,4,I know it will soon but sometimes I feel like I’m just waiting for the road to end.,0.5023,positive,anticipating 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",listener_2,5,That’s when you flip a U turn and try a different road,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",speaker,6,"Yeah that’s a good analogy. That’s how I feel right now- I’m flipping a U-y and having to come to terms with the fact that the road I’ve been on is a dead end. My ex really has me fucked up pretty bad over her. It’s hard to remember that there are other people out there, but I feel like I’m genuinely improving which is good. It’s been a hard year this year but I’m on a better path.",0.8949,positive,sad 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",listener_2,7,That’s really good to hear! If you ever need to vent you can always PM me too,0.54,positive,acknowledging 2327,depressed,"Told ex gf it was too painful to have her as a friend, applied for new jobs and am working to fix my financial situation, am back to working out, why do I still feel like shit?",speaker,8,Thank you I appreciate the sentiment a lot. :),0.802,positive,acknowledging 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,1,"I wish I had a friend, like those ones In the movie's that stick to each other until the end but right now I don't have one...I don't think I ever will.",0.5719,positive,lonely 2328,depressed,I wish,listener_1,2,Omg!! Same... friends these days... if you wanna hmu and talk of you need to <3,0.5696,positive,agreeing 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,3,Thanks...,0.4404,positive,wishing 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,4,Unfortunately that's true,0.1027,positive,disappointed 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,5,I wonder why though?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,6,Well You Are Quite Lucky,0.6361,positive,content 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,7,I know and it annoys me so badly but then my mind also feels happy for some one talking to me,0.4503,positive,annoyed 2328,depressed,I wish,listener_2,8,You'll find a friend like off the movies that you want. Take your time be yourself and just be honest to a person you think you can trust,0.9118,positive,trusting 2328,depressed,I wish,speaker,9,Yep I've definitely done that,0.5994,positive,agreeing 2328,depressed,I wish,listener_2,10,Good luck bub,0.7096,positive,wishing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,1,"I feel so so sad, and just so ungrateful and undeserving of everything i get. i don't feel comfortable, but i don't feel like i deserve to be comfortable. i'm just so weird and strange looking and acting but if you put someone that was exactly like me either looking or acting i would see them as perfect and great because they weren't me. i feel like i'm faking this for attention even tho no one knows about it. like i feel depressed so people will spend time with me but no one knows i'm depressed. or that i like wearing boy clothes and being called one sometimes because there are other people like that too. or that i'm just being picky with who i like but i don't like anybody cause i'm ace but nobody knows that because i shouldn't be ace. but the people that are ace are still so great and i accept them but i don't see that i can be accepted as anything. i'm sorry this is a ramble but if you will respond please don't pity me, i don't need that. i just want to know what's wrong with me. i'm keeping this account cause no one knows about it so i can post tho, but i guess that's not an important part. sorry about my breakdown",0.9008,positive,jealous 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_1,2,I don't think any of us are qualified to tell you what's wrong with you. What do you think it is that's wrong with you?,-0.7351,negative,questioning 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,3,"my mind doesn't work right, it's obvious i think differently, i just can't handle everything at times but i can't solve it on my own either",-0.2235,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,4,"i have a therapist but i can't tell them cause then they'll tell my parents, besides they just make me so frustrated with how quiet they speak and how the shush me",-0.7935,negative,annoyed 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,5,but this brakedowns keep happening. what if it gets worse,-0.631,negative,consoling 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,6,"i'm sorry you're in the same place as me, obviously i get it, at least we both have that, i guess. i'm sorry i'm not so good with comforting people",-0.1692,negative,sympathizing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_1,7,"Okay, so who or what do you think you need to help you during those times then?",0.5574,positive,questioning 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_2,8,Unless you are a danger to yourself or others i dont think they are legally aloud to say without ur permission right?,-0.4588,negative,questioning 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,9,You can't confort somebody if you are in a bad situation i think.,-0.5423,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,10,"probably a a therapist, but i don't feel like i can tell them everything, cause i'm young and then they'll tell my parents",-0.395,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,11,"thank you for your offer, i might even take you up on it if it won't bother you. and i don't know how i can let it out that's not destructive, ive only let it out once in front of my parents and my dad treated it like i was a sociopath cause i was having such a breakdown and my mom couldnt really help me at the time cause we were in a car, and now neither of them acknowledge it ever happened but i think about it constantly",0.5252,positive,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,12,"i don't know, and that first part might specifically be a problem in its self if i would be telling then the whole truth unfortunately. i live in california tho so i would have to check the laws",-0.4215,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,13,"hey, how are you today?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,14,"maybe, i mean i've done it before to my friends a lot, i think it's just because we're in the same situation, i don't know how to help you cause i can't help myself in that situation, but in itself i find it at least a little comforting that someone is going through the same as me, as sad as it is",0.0597,positive,suggesting 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_4,15,I am not bothered by that offer in any way. Maybe its because you came on too strong to hour parents. Perhaps breaking it to them slowly would be good. Its ok if its destructive to me. I dont really mind. Have been dealing with this destructive behaviour for 5 years.,-0.0997,negative,apprehensive 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,16,"well thank you, and you might get some messages from me then, sorry. and yeah you're right, but how should i break it to them, ive dealt with it so long i can only let it out when i'm really upset because i'm just used to bottling it up. and some parts of it i don't even know if they would be accepting of. well my mom i think she would kind of get it but i don't know about my dad, he's very straightforward and kinda hard headed and likes to think about things ""correctly"" if that makes sense.",0.8176,positive,sympathizing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_4,17,Yes it does make sense. He is thinling of the social behaviour that either you or him should be doing.,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_4,18,Try writing your daily thoughts cause they all dont suddenly build up in a single day. Its progressive. A certain numner of things take off leading you to be this responsive. Then you can track back at the events that took place.,0.6092,positive,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,19,"Idk. It's morning for me, i feel better than other days. Wanna to be productive today. You?",0.3612,positive,hopeful 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,20,"i feel the same, i'm going to try and get my room clean",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,21,"👍 very good. I have to prepare for school today, because i got holiday homework.",0.7089,positive,prepared 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,22,"same! i'm having to go shopping for supplies and shoes, but the shopping center is huge so it's just really annoying and stressful",-0.8007,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,23,I don't like shopping centers too.,-0.2755,negative,agreeing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,24,hello again,0.0,neutral,wishing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,25,"too noisy, but i'm out now so that's good",0.6017,positive,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,26,Hello,0.0,neutral,wishing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,27,how are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,28,Somebody i think =)),0.0,neutral,annoyed 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,29,"i'm just kinda uncomfort, i has sand in my swimsuit",0.0,neutral,embarrassed 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,30,Ah. Crappy. I have a swimsuit where the sand doesn't stay. But i lost my favourite sunglasses in sea a month ago.,-0.4497,negative,annoyed 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,31,"oh no! i would literally cry if i lost my faves. they cover all parts of my eyes even the sides, and they're the only ones dark enough to help with headaches",-0.4574,negative,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,32,"Oh. You have headaches because of sun? That sounds awful. The good part is that my sunglasses were 3 euro, from Decathlon, and i will buy another soon.",-0.0258,neutral,joyful 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,33,"cool dude, and yeah it does kinda suck, but i've gotten over it, and i don't recognize Decathlon? what it that?",0.2039,positive,acknowledging 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,34,it\`s a European sports products brand. google it :)),0.0,neutral,neutral 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,35,"cool dude, and yeah it does kinda suck, but i've gotten over it, and i don't recognize Decathlon? what it that?",0.2039,positive,acknowledging 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,36,I said. Decathlon is a european sport products brand. Like were you can buy sport equipment.,0.3612,positive,impressed 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",speaker,37,"yeah i saw that, did i respond to the wrong thing? actually can i dm you to make this easier",0.3291,positive,sympathizing 2329,depressed,"i got no help in r/confessions , i just want to know what's wrong with me, it's just a copy and paste basically",listener_3,38,Yes of course i am curious what people who will read that conversation on a public post will think,0.6124,positive,apprehensive 2330,depressed,18 and stressed about everything,speaker,1,"I’m a guy from England, and I’ve found that I’m constantly stressed out by everything. It’s getting to the point where I can’t be happy or ambitious because of this. Now, I’m aware that I don’t help myself, but i can’t dig myself out of this hole I’m in. For example, I have a car and I drive it - but I don’t have a license. I hated my instructor so I quit after I failed a test with her, and then just got used to driving by myself and that’s how it started. I love to drive, and I have driven to tons of place by myself with no hassle, but my Dad gets angry with me - understandably, and I can’t talk to him anymore. I had a job back in February and it was inaccessible without a car, but I’ve quit that job now which I’ll get onto. I have a new instructor, but I can’t drive with her without fucking up, and I’m close to giving up and selling my car. I’ve failed three tests already, and I’m starting to hate my life because of this. So as I mentioned, I quit my job which I hated so now I’m unemployed and I have no money. I had to pawn my camera just to get some cash, but I’ve spent most of that on financing my car. I also have no friends and I do nothing in my spare time.. which is starting to bring me down. I haven’t dated in almost three years. I don’t know what I want to do for work. I hate IT but I don’t want to go back to college. I feel like such a loser. I also just want to sell my car and give up on that as I feel like it’s impossible, and it’s fucking expensive. Every instructor seems to be rude, too. So now im not happy and I’m stressed every second of the day.. I don’t feel like an actual 18 year old. I’m having the opposite of fun and I’d do anything to not be in this situation",-0.9879,negative,sad 2330,depressed,18 and stressed about everything,speaker,2,awesome,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2330,depressed,18 and stressed about everything,listener_1,3,Here's not the place for solutions. We all are fucked here. All I can say is I'm also 18 and from the UK and I seriously don't know how I'm going to get out of my own mess.,-0.7845,negative,devastated 2331,depressed,That look,speaker,1,I feel disgusted when I look at you. The thought of touching you is repulsive and I get sick thinking about it.,-0.7717,negative,disgusted 2331,depressed,That look,listener_1,2,"You shouldn't worry too much about it. The more you think about it, the more your self esteem goes down. You yourself should know what you are worth and should show it in your actions.",0.5116,positive,apprehensive 2331,depressed,That look,listener_1,3,Be proud of who you are.,0.4767,positive,proud 2332,depressed,"Just scattered, messy irrelevant thoughts.",speaker,1,"If I was anything more than **mediocre** at this, or anything else, maybe I could articulate some of the feelings I feel. My body feels **big**, **inflated**. Like a **helium balloon** that's too heavy to float. You **useless prick**. I think I want to harm myself, but I'm **hesitant**, so I know I'm just doing it for attention, just like I'm probably **doing this for attention** but I don't even know my intentions anymore. Basically, (I hate that word), I'm **stuck.** Although the **helium balloon** isn't floating it's still **inflated**, the air won't come out unless I do something to my body, or actually do something productive which we all know isn't happening at the moment. People are so nice and amazing. (Shit word choice again, I know) There are frequently days when I hate people, but when I analyse that thought it always boils down to the certainty that I'm at **fault** and am simply not good enough. **It doesn't take much** to be good enough, you know, but apparently **it takes more than I have** in me at the moment. Fucking Hell.",-0.954,negative,embarrassed 2332,depressed,"Just scattered, messy irrelevant thoughts.",listener_1,2,"Any thoughts posted here are relevant as long as they are from a depressed person posting about their thoughts. Your body feels dull. It does not want to do any work and is too lazy to do it. But ask yourself. Not your brain or your heart or your body. What do you want? What do you want to do? Then ask each individual thing. Ask your body. Ask your heart. Ask your brain. Then come up with a conclusion as to which one you want to follow. You are not worthless. You are not ""not good enough"". Its human nature to never have enough. It does not matter who you are. When you are given something you take it and when its time to give it back you are hesitant because you have learned to live with it and want it. Its human nature to want things. You need to find the right people for you who will take you for who you really are and know who you are rather than taling you in and trying to change you.",0.9469,positive,anxious 2332,depressed,"Just scattered, messy irrelevant thoughts.",speaker,3,"Thanks a lot for the reply. You're right, I do feel dull at the moment in some ways and I'm confused; I don't usually ask myself about myself, just assume the worst about what I do. Thanks again for your reply. It means a lot to me when people take time to help others :)",0.34,positive,grateful 2332,depressed,"Just scattered, messy irrelevant thoughts.",listener_1,4,Anytime. Pm me if you wanna talk sometime.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2332,depressed,Life,listener_2,1,"What does one do one nothing ever gets better? When one actually strives to make good things happen yet everything fails? It's not as if this has been a short-lived disappointment. It's been a long one. My past practically eats me alive. If one good thing happened to me, I'd make a party out of it. I feel like I spend most (if not all) of my life in some state of disappointment. I suppose I just need someone to talk to.",0.2856,positive,lonely 2332,depressed,Life,listener_1,2,"When one finds themselves lost, and without purpose to continue, one should look at memes and not think of the past. I agree that you need someone to talk to but you dont need strangers or people you dont know. You need people that are there physically for you. People that know you. And i mean know you. Not your parents. We all hide stuff from our parents and most of our lives are spent in school from birth to the age of 22 or so. If you dont have anyone of that catagory then talk to strangers who can relate. This sub is a good place to start.",0.4404,positive,lonely 2332,depressed,Life,listener_2,3,"I suppose talking to strangers is just about my only option. I try not to think of the past but the exact situation I'm in right now is the sum of all of my past shortcomings. Ridiculously enough, I've tried millions of different things in an effort to be happy(switching hobbies, habits, trying new things, drawing, listening to music, going on long drives, etc etc.). Now I feel like a goddamn moron because here I am after having wasted a ton of effort just to be on the same shitty sinking raft. I can only pretend to be optimistic for so long before the part of my brain that has any sort of optimism lets reality in. I wish things went differently, quite a bit.",-0.8515,negative,ashamed 2332,depressed,Life,listener_1,4,"The things you have tried to make yourself happy are all branching off and are the effects of your life. So the things you try all track back to that reason. You need to do domething that is not the effect of the state you are in. I am not sure what that could be but it needs to be so random that your body and mind cant track back to the thoughts or feelings. I hope i am making sense. We all wish things were different. Its why most if not all of us are depressed. That's why i'm here. If you ever feel frustrated and want to rant, juat come here and post your thoughts. I am sure atleast one of us will reply. I know that you know why this sub exists so i wont tell you anything else.",-0.1232,negative,sad 2333,depressed,Can I get karma? Feeling really down today...,speaker,1,"I made a post on a video game thread I liked. I didn't even really say anything bad. And I got downvoted maybe 70 times. [https://www.reddit.com/r/DragaliaLost/comments/ck85je/a\_note\_about\_erasmus/evlurwo/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DragaliaLost/comments/ck85je/a_note_about_erasmus/evlurwo/?context=3) This is what I said: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DragaliaLost/comments/ck85je/a\_note\_about\_erasmus/evkq43g?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x](https://www.reddit.com/r/DragaliaLost/comments/ck85je/a_note_about_erasmus/evkq43g?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x) I don't understand why. I love the game and thought the community was good, but when I saw that... I am just so disappointed. This game is like the only thing I look forward to in life right now.",-0.2798,negative,ashamed 2333,depressed,Can I get karma? Feeling really down today...,speaker,2, That's enough internet for me. I'm just so miserable now.,-0.6269,negative,lonely 2333,depressed,Can I get karma? Feeling really down today...,listener_1,3,"Ive been on Reddit a few months now. What attracted me was the anonymity to the site. I feel like there’s no need to try to impress people because we’re all just strangers being ourselves talking about whatever interests us. I don’t really understand karma or how it works but I kind of don’t like it because it gives a social media vibe. It gives us a reason to try to impress people and something for us to feel kind of bad about. I’m not familiar with what you guys were discussing in that thread but you didn’t seem to be being malicious, so I tried to help out. I upvoted your posts on there. It’s an uphill battle though. Please try to remember that they are just random strangers in the internet and their down votes don’t mean anything. I’ll try to go upvote more of your stuff... hopefully that’s how karma works lol. Have a good day.",0.9618,positive,lonely 2334,depressed,A somewhat introduction/vent,speaker,1,"I just feel so lost in my life, I just make myself and everyone around me suffer... I've gone through my fair share of shit in my life, I had a severe eating disorder, Im currently cutting myself, I was left without any friends for 8 years.. Wich pretty much fucked me up as a kid. I've tried my entire life to fit in with others.. Even going as far as doing whatever anyone wanted from me.. It took me a while to accept the fact that.. ill never fit in with other people.. I'm slowly digging myself deeper and deeper into my depression, day by day my suicidal thoughs get worse and worse.. I don't know what to do anymore.. My life is crumbling at my hands.. All of this is my doing.. And I can't go back.. I can't undo it...",-0.9839,negative,lonely 2334,depressed,A somewhat introduction/vent,listener_1,2,"Listen man. I’m feeling extremely depressed right now, but I think this will help you. “There is *nothing* you can’t get back from.” Literally it’s the fucking truth. I haven’t had many things I felt I could never fix beyond grades and my own emotional mindset, but I hope this helps. It’s important to realize that you don’t have to conform to the rules that you parents or society sets upon you. You are your own person. If something truly, really is irreversible, maybe it’s for the best. Another quote— “maybe things falling apart is really things falling in place.”",0.9707,positive,trusting 2334,depressed,A somewhat introduction/vent,speaker,3,Thank you.. Very much. That really helps me.,0.659,positive,acknowledging 2334,depressed,A somewhat introduction/vent,listener_1,4,"No problem man, anytime.",0.3089,positive,acknowledging 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,speaker,1,"Depression and emotional health, much awareness, charities etc. But mention it in casual conversation, suddenly your fine china, they pack you away in the cupboard for fear of breaking your delicate structure.",-0.1406,negative,sad 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,speaker,2,Thoughts?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,speaker,3,"True. Idk, the whole awareness campaigns just seem pointless.",0.34,positive,agreeing 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_1,4,What have you found makes it such a big difference talking to close friends compared to casual friends?,0.7906,positive,questioning 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,speaker,5,"True, guess i dont have the relationships conducive of things going better",0.6908,positive,agreeing 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_2,6,"And hey, there’s always strangers on Reddit. Most of us are going through similar stuff, so we’re probably pretty good people to talk to. I’ve posted on this sub a few weeks ago and got a ton of support, which actually helped me feel a bit less useless and want to stick around. I’m sure I speak for a ton of people on here when I say im here to talk if you need it.",0.8357,positive,confident 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_2,7,"I’m not exactly sure, but I think if anyone has been with someone long enough to become close friends, they tend to have a better understanding of the person. The very few friends I have can usually tell when I’m in a depressive episode. And I’ve noticed they usually know what to say.",0.8653,positive,trusting 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_1,8,"I've met someone recently and we've got along very well , I could tell they were minorly depressed, I just continued to be myself with them, but a lot of things in their life blew up. I think it really triggered their depression to erupt which in turn caused them to stop talking to everyone (a lot more to it). As someone who isn't super close to them, I worry they don't want a casual person in their life sending them messages every so often giving them a good reminder they are cared about. What are your thoughts ?",-0.8369,negative,caring 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_2,9,"I would say any support is probably good support. It always helps me to know that at least someone cares. Just make sure it’s on their terms, and that they’re comfortable with talking about it.",0.9552,positive,trusting 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_1,10,How did you make your friends aware it was on your terms?,0.4767,positive,questioning 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_2,11,"Well, usually when my friends know something is up, they send a message saying that they noticed i haven’t been myself lately and if I need to talk, to let them know. And when I feel like I should talk about it, I message them. Keep in mind, that these are all personal experiences, and might not apply to everyone. I’m sure there’s people out there that really don’t like to talk about this kind of thing and would never willingly open up to anyone. In the end it definitely depends on the person.",0.9257,positive,trusting 2335,depressed,Stigma of depression,listener_1,12,"Thank you for sharing this with me. I completely agree, if someone doesn't like to talk about it then you would have to take a different approach in being supportive. I think it takes a lot of courage for someone to be able to discuss what they are going through. Thank you again",0.9167,positive,agreeing 2336,depressed,I don’t know why I’m so sad,speaker,1,"Do you ever just feel an overwhelming wave of sadness? I feel like I’m barely happy anymore, and it’s been like that for a while. I feel like I don’t want to talk about it, but there’s nothing else to do when this happens. I just feel heavy and I don’t know why.",0.5652,positive,sad 2336,depressed,I don’t know why I’m so sad,listener_1,2,Awww. *picks up and pets pigeon* **Stares into the distance with Keanu energy**,0.2732,positive,impressed 2336,depressed,I don’t know why I’m so sad,listener_2,3,"Upvote for angel beats :), I love anime/manga and feel like no-one around me gets how uplifting it is. I've been watching Black Clover recently and it motivates me for some reason. Just keep going, surround yourself with people you like and are into the same hobbies you are, it works for me anyway. But as to OPs post, yes, every day...or every other day, it depends. If I tell anyone they just put me on suicide watch lol. This is the only place I can really talk about it",0.6249,positive,faithful 2337,depressed,I hate everything about myself,speaker,1,"I can’t help but constantly feel ashamed of myself and the way I act. I feel like I say the worst most insensitive things, I’m a narcissist, and I’m constantly making mistakes. I feel so empty inside that I can’t even feel happiness and I honestly don’t have much hope. I am trying to juggle so many things at once and I’m constantly overtired which makes me act like a complete jerk here and there. I’m not a mean person and I never make comments that are flat out rude, but I feel like i have made so many bad jokes that haunt me. I honestly feel like the world would be a better place without me. I do have a lot of friends and a significant other, so I know I’m not hated. It’s just more towards myself and how I critique myself constantly. I stay awake all night thinking about my past, the conversations I had during the day, and how much I can’t stand myself. I literally don’t sleep most nights because of it. I really just want to stop feeling like this.",0.9486,positive,ashamed 2337,depressed,I hate everything about myself,listener_1,2,"I can relate to you man I can't stand myself either to be completely honest that's why I stopped caring about myself. I constantly try to put everything and everyone before myself, im the last person I ever think about. When night falls I can't sleep cause I think of how pathetic I am how nobody cares about me. You are lucky to have a significant personally I don't and I doubt I never will. Very few like me. I down grade myself to the point I can't stand my existence. I'm tired of this I'm tired of all the cringy shit I have did and wish I could redo it. But those mistakes we have made make us a better person. Everyone makes mistakes and regret it but we continue with what we do and improve as a better person and a great personality. Hoped this helped at any point",0.937,positive,jealous 2338,depressed,Feeling hopeless when it comes to my dream,speaker,1,"I want to be in a metal band. I've been working on vocals for this whole year, I feel like I'm getting better but it's slowly dawning on me I'll never be in a band. Let alone a successful one. I just want that energy of being on the stage and screaming/singing into a microphone, it's my dream. My girlfriend is supportive of me, as is my mother. But I know they're just biased because of who I am. I don't know what to do, I know I have a stupidly unrealistic dream, but I don't wanna have some bland and boring dream like everyone else.",0.9118,positive,hopeful 2338,depressed,Feeling hopeless when it comes to my dream,listener_1,2,"Ever think trying out for a band? Not sure where you live so not sure how urban your world is but I live in a city and there are a few bands that are either local or regional in popularity. Everyone starts small. Look up, Realm of Glass....local going-regional metal band. A buddy of mine is the bassist. Sorry for the advert LOL Just trying to say there are many bands out there and you should endeavor to find one. Even if it is not an exact fit. Why? Because that is the only way you'll find out wtf you are able to perform. Believe in yourself first or nobody else will. Just don't assume your giant dream will happen overnight. FYI the average age of rock stars when they are ""discovered"" is around 30. I am dead serious. Please take this advice from an old roadie.",-0.1223,negative,apprehensive 2338,depressed,Feeling hopeless when it comes to my dream,speaker,3,The only issue is there's no bands to try out for around here. I've looked. But thank you man,0.3919,positive,grateful 2339,depressed,I can feel myself drifting apart,speaker,1,"I can feel it, the depression consuming me. I can barely handle it anymore. I can't stop thinking of ""what if I was gone?"" , "" what if I just disappeared and never come back?"" It's really hard to think positive now every minute I can feel it getting worse im afraid but not as much as I should be. I'm tempted to end this, end the pain end the bad thoughts. All I think about is saying ""Goodbye"" every night, every day. I don't know anymore other then skipping to the end",-0.9188,negative,sad 2339,depressed,I can feel myself drifting apart,listener_1,2,"The ending is arbitrary. It is the journey. Find something in your journey that sings to you, even if it is small, to keep going. I know that sounds like trite Hallmark BS. But I been where you are drifting apart from yourself as well as the world. The ""nobody understands me for nobody is me"" mantra has rattled my mind from time to time. So you understand I suffer from PTSD/RTS (rape trauma syndrome) due to both my military service and due to being a child abuse/rape survivor (I am a man BTW). If you met me you would never think I could have been violated the way I was but it happened nonetheless. I am almost 50 and still get body memories, nightmares and anxiety out of nowhere. Trusting anyone is hard for me. And suicide has been a shadow in the back of my brain for decades. Regardless I remain. Why? Kittens and puppies. I am serious. I am alive due to kittens and puppies. Gun in mouth while sitting in a forested park a little guy came out of the bushes and nuzzled my leg....I look down and it was an adorable kitten. He was incredibly young, scared and looked lost. And he saved my life. No I didn't get to take that little guy home but I found the owner of his mama. He was so happy to see his momma. It was quite sweet. Kittens and puppies became my ""small"" part of my journey that keeps me going another day. I now have 3 cats, a wife of 20 years and a daughter.. All because of a lost kitten (wherever you are, thank you little guy) Find yours. It exists. I know it.",-0.9481,negative,lonely 2339,depressed,I can feel myself drifting apart,speaker,3,That's some deep shit not gonna lie,-0.5574,negative,agreeing 2340,depressed,No one to talk to,speaker,1,"I'm married and I have three step kids. 12, 10 and 6 girl boy boy. I drink too much and I'm a heavy smoker. My wife is very very quick to anger so I can't speak to her about relevant things I feel. That's okay though. In my life, ever since I've learned language and how to convey my feelings at that particular young age, I have learned that everybody who hears me only wants to respond with hostility mockery or to condescend to me. My bad habits actually do make me a piece of shit. I deserve all of the guff and consequences I receive. Stop nicotine is my priority. Wife made it very clear that she wants me to stop smoking, but will not tolerate my withdrawal behavior. I'm not going to quit drinking. I love it. So does she. But we both aren't true alcoholics. We're just too hedonistic. We have to get our shit... I have to get my shit together. The only reason I drink too much is because I'm shit. I have to get on the ball and fix that. I'm drunk posting, but any input may be valuable. Or if insulting, then at least entertaining. I chose this sub because 41 years of constant despair that I dare not speak of to people. Blah I was hated and bullied in school Blagg Weight of it all keeps getting heavier. Tear dams keep getting weaker. The train at my local tracks goes by between 2:00 - 2:30am. I added it a typo. I said we're when I was supposed to say we.",-0.9904,negative,angry 2340,depressed,No one to talk to,listener_1,2,Providing for three step kids must be tough. What do you think would be a good step?,0.34,positive,questioning 2340,depressed,No one to talk to,speaker,3,Thanks. All I can think of is to work as long as I can in the days so that I stay too busy. That positive attitude is elusive.,0.7579,positive,grateful 2340,depressed,No one to talk to,listener_2,4,"Get more involved in their lives. Take them to their activities. Watch their sports games. Make an art project with them. Go to the movies. Help with homework. Play catch. Find a hiking trail. Check out the zoo or other local activities. Swimming pools. Playgrounds. There are endless opportunities of where to spend your time staying busy with your children. Which not only benefits you but certainly benefits them way more than you just spending time at work. Part of being a parent, even a step parent, is putting your hedonist desires in the backseat for your kids.",0.8503,positive,joyful 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,speaker,1,"I've been doing really well recently. So we'll, I hadn't even really noticed how non-depressed I was. I've been so busy with work and family and my boyfriend that I didn't have time to linger and think and go down the rabbit hole that I usually go down. But now I'm having a bad day. A really bad day. I might have to call into work. I'm back to my usual terrible thinking and lack of energy and self hatred. I didn't notice how well I was doing until I wasn't doing well anymore. How terrible is that?",-0.9835,negative,ashamed 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,listener_1,2,Something important that I did not see you mention is; do you know what is causing your depression?,-0.4404,negative,questioning 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,speaker,3,it. might be part of it but it doesn't happen all the time.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,listener_2,4,Here if you need to call someone an asshole.,0.0,neutral,angry 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,listener_3,5,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2341,depressed,Do you ever start doing better without even noticing until you start going downhill again?,listener_4,6,That's cute. I didn't know Reddit had this function.,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2342,depressed,Advice?,speaker,1,"I was at my bf's for about a week and everything was going great. Then we were doing the usual sex before bed and I had a really bad panic attack maybe one of the worst that I've had. I told him to stop, pushed him off, got dressed and ran upstairs. I have been sexually assaulted before and I started to get flashbacks. Its never happened before. I feel completely safe with him. I want to talk to him but I don't want to scare him or make him think its his fault",-0.7822,negative,terrified 2342,depressed,Advice?,listener_1,2,Just explain the situation honestly. It’s not your fault bad things happened to you.,0.7968,positive,neutral 2342,depressed,Advice?,listener_2,3,"You’re right, communication is best, therefore he can truly be there for you.",0.7964,positive,agreeing 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,1,"I was having a great night of laughing my ass off at memes with my best friend but once he left to go to sleep it just kinda sunk in. I felt like a burden on my family almost immediately and the thought of suicide came up again. I know suicide is wrong and I won't ever do it but that feeling makes me want to crawl into a ball and stop existing. I'm currently seeing a psych but I honestly don't think its gonna help. I wanna drown myself in fireball and vodka. My family has a history of alcoholism and im filling those shoes even though i said i wouldnt. I've been buzzed/drunk almost every day since i turned 21 a week ago. The same thought always plagues me, ""I wanna go home"" but I'm already home... it doesn't feel like home anymore, it hasnt since i was a kid. Can someone just shoot me so I dont see it coming?",-0.9585,negative,sad 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,2,"Hi, thankf for sharing. Im sorry about your dysfunctional family and suicidal thoughts. I want to ask a question that hopefully has some value. What is the one common theme about the alcoholism in your family?",0.34,positive,sympathizing 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,3,"Mom says its genetic, idk how true that is. Depression runs on moms side and so does alcoholism, but as far as I can tell depression is absent from dads side but they're just as alcoholic, if not more.",-0.7717,negative,neutral 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,4,"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pull you around (so to speak) it was of a trick question. The answer is your family. Would you consider your family virtuous and respectable people? It's important to make sure you are in a safe loving enviromwny if you seek to cure depression",0.9001,positive,questioning 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,5,That's complicated. My feelings towards my family are mixed. I love them but they're intolerable sometimes. Im the black sheep of my family.,0.3818,positive,ashamed 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,6,"I'm sorry and I swear i'm not being cynical but saying you love your family proves nothing. The only evidence you have given me is that your family is acoholic. I'm not saying i'm right, I may be completely wrong. One thing that is true is alcoholics are not the people that Have the best empathy and compassion. I say this because there is a reason you are talking to internet strangers instead of your family. I am not criticizing, I enjoy this conversation and i'm genuinely glad to be chatting with you. Does this make any sense?",0.9651,positive,disappointed 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,7,"That actually makes alot of sense. I was maybe 12 or 13, I'm 21 now.",0.0,neutral,suggesting 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,8,Hmm. Do you know what caused it? Maybe the issue was never dealt with or understood and that is why you are depressed.,-0.5106,negative,suggesting 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,9,"So like I said before, depression runs in my family. This is gonna sound awful for a multitude of reasons but it was ""cool"" to be depressed in my friend group. I guess faking it ended up being what triggered it.",-0.5193,negative,ashamed 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,10,"Holy cow thats actually the most tragic thing Ive heard all day. Can you tell me more about this ""friend"" group and what attracted you to it? What did you parents think about this group? Faking it didnt trigger it, spending 5 seconds in that group is already a sign of dysfunction. My amateur opinion of course",-0.3342,negative,questioning 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,11,"I just kinda went with whatever group of people accepted me and molded myself to fit in. My parents were always 50/50 on my friends growing up. This group in particular was a mix of feelings, they liked half of them and despised the other half.",0.8176,positive,trusting 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,12,"Well, If I understood correctly you still have a relationship with your family so I recommend talking with them about your expereinced and the concerns you have about the family and where your depression might have comr from. It's important to have high standards for relationships and to make sure you are surrounded by people who are empathatuc and compassionate with you. If",0.7564,positive,trusting 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,13,"I do, but its not a great relationship, more of a forced relationship. Hell, my dad didn't believe my depression was real even after I told my doctor (in front of him because he refused to leave) that id tried to kill myself before. ""Hes never said anything about this before, I don't think its real, I just think hes looking for attention"". Those words are burned into my memory.",-0.9747,negative,embarrassed 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,14,Sorry I didn't mean to start a new comment. I hope you realize that is extremely cruel and abusive behavior on the part of your father. He is completely obliterating your entire lived experience just to ignore the discomfort it might cause him. I can definetely understand why you are depressed. People in your life are not giving you the love you need and deserve. My personal experience of depression was that it never went away until I realized that it was being caused by the fact that I was surrounded by people who didnt care about. Im not telling you to leave your parents and of course I don't know all your history but do not spend time around people who don't have empathy for you. It is dangerous for your mental health to be around selfish people. Does that make sense at all? I hope this helps.,-0.8723,negative,sad 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_2,15,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,16,"It makes perfect sense, I try to avoid my family 99% of the time aside from birthdays and holidays. I surround myself with my (current and real) friends, but atm I have no choice but to associate myself with my parents. They've had their moments but it's never been good overall.",-0.3202,negative,lonely 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_1,17,"I'll leave you with a quote but I forgot who said it first. Thanks for listening btw glad I got to chat with you. - ""The only thing worse than spending 20 years in abusive relationship, is spending 20 years and one day in that relationship.""",-0.4939,negative,grateful 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,speaker,18,Hard to be depressed when you cant walk or talk,-0.5719,negative,sad 2343,depressed,I'm so tired,listener_3,19,My own experience is I get more talkable when Iam drunk also i feel less likely to care about other things the walking part might be true and the puking the next day ehhhh passing out till 4 am next day waking up yep my experience . I think it's a pleasant way,0.7216,positive,agreeing 2344,depressed,Today is harder than usual,speaker,1,"My heartbeat feels slow and heavy, my gut is in a constant of discomfort. There’s no other way to put it, I’m severely depressed. Today driving back to my girlfriends house I thought about just driving as fast as I can unbuckling my seatbelt and just go straight into the cement beams. I have no real friends, My family is starting to resent me with no reason. I feel so alone and lost; I always imagined my life being linear but I know life isn’t so linear but I still don’t know how to cope with me feeling so empty. I don’t even know if I should be sad but life just feels so hard, I feel like I’m just scraping through the days not hoping I have a good day but hoping it’s not as bad as the last. I feel I’m losing my relationship with my mother and that hurts so much especially being the mamas boy i am. I’m not happy with who I am or who I’m becoming. If I could rewind time I do everything differently. I’ve lost my passion for the things I love. Everything just seems so pointless to me now. My head is constantly racing with thoughts from the second I wake up to the moment I fall asleep. I’m incomplete. Happiness is just so far away from and I’m not gonna reach it anytime soon.",-0.6366,negative,lonely 2344,depressed,Today is harder than usual,listener_1,2,"How can 1 be depressed when having a girlfriend , go on dates",-0.5106,negative,sad 2344,depressed,Today is harder than usual,listener_2,3,"Don't listen to this guy OP. You could have three girlfriends and still be incredibly depressed. I'm sorry you feel this way today. Some days are like this. Some weeks. Months. It happens to the best of us, literally. Your emotions only prove you are human. That you are just like everyone else. That you need and crave love just as much as the next person you see. Tomorrow is a new day. Don't beat yourself up. Be grateful for what you do have and good luck out theree :)",0.9645,positive,sad 2344,depressed,Today is harder than usual,listener_1,4,"OP only drinks semen , that's what I leaned on 9gag but I know life is hard so stay though just consider ur lucky with gf",0.4767,positive,neutral 2345,depressed,Forced to suicide,speaker,1,"Hi I don't have good english but here's my story : (PS strong language) My ""friend"" started to steal my pokemon cards (I know it's stupid) I told her to stop since it was making me angry eveytime she does that. Days passed by she still kept doing it until one day I ""snapped"" (idk just thought it was the right word) since I snapped I started choking her which I didn't mean too so I told her I'm sorry and she said ""It's ok"" till when I went back home checked my phone and texted her ""Sorry I choked you please forgive me"" and she replied ""fuck you"" and told me to go suicide and telling me that no one cares If I died ,go drown you hoe, your a stupid bitch go kill yourself etc. I told her I'm sorry I choked you and she told me that she told my ex crush everything I said about him and I pretended to be okay with it till she told me that your family hates you which crushed me down since it was kinda true... well im just gonna end it there. I know its all my fault",-0.9973,negative,furious 2345,depressed,Forced to suicide,listener_1,2,Who there calm down first,0.3182,positive,questioning 2345,depressed,Forced to suicide,listener_2,3,"Nothing in this sub is rlly non-sense. Here are beautiful ppl drawn together, even if we won't want to believe that. It's a noble task to offer your help :). Sorry for that off-topic. Just felt like I had to write that. I wish you all the best!",0.957,positive,wishing 2346,depressed,Drinking might be my way of explaining,speaker,1,"It's weard but soon I drink I get more open I talk and talk without the feeling of fear or embarrassment like the guy I want to be is trapped inside and only gets out when drunk , I totally dislike the taste of sertain beers , beer in general I don't like but shots , vodka mixed drinks those I can drink with ease. But enough about that . Sigh not sure what to post, amnesia kicks in hard .",-0.9631,negative,embarrassed 2346,depressed,Drinking might be my way of explaining,listener_1,2,"Go out with a trusted buddy and drink. Make sure you don't get addicted though, just look out for yourself. Communicate with people you trust and slowly get better. Have a nice drink with your buds, and enjoy the night. Communicate with them and talk about your problems. Take a walk bud, if you try and believe, you can do it.",0.9313,positive,trusting 2346,depressed,Drinking might be my way of explaining,speaker,3,"Thx bud , yeah I told like a lot about my ex and what I did to her so yeah glad he is a great guy and 1 of my best friends so yeah . I really need to drink some time again with him .",0.9782,positive,guilty 2347,depressed,Uhmmm wtf is going on...,speaker,1,What do I feel ? I feel like I'm lost... in a pit of void... ahh it hurts what the hell is going on ? I can't put a strand of words together...,-0.8343,negative,lonely 2347,depressed,Uhmmm wtf is going on...,listener_1,2,"Sometimes when I feel like this, meditation helps calm me down, especially the breathing portion. I suggest trying it!",0.7712,positive,nostalgic 2347,depressed,Uhmmm wtf is going on...,speaker,3,Well... I can't really talk that's the problem,-0.1531,negative,neutral 2347,depressed,Uhmmm wtf is going on...,listener_2,4,Did you take something that clouded your mind?,-0.0516,negative,questioning 2347,depressed,Uhmmm wtf is going on...,speaker,5,I don't take drugs partially... I'm clouded by love...,0.6124,positive,sentimental 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,speaker,1,"I have so much and really know that. I am considered a lucky person from the outside. I am healthy, in a good marriage, healthy kids, financial security, friends and family supporting me but still I am so depressed. Just wanna leave this earth. It makes me sick to my stomach that so many people have less, struggle and fight and I still don‘t make it out of my hole. What’s wrong with me? I definitely know how priviledged I am and feel ashamed of feeling so low when others have so much less but fight. So often I just want to be gone. How on earth can I get over this? Tried therapy - didn‘t work. Tried pills - didn‘t work. Just believe I don‘t belong here... So many times I thought about ending everything. But I have a responsibility (my young children, my husband) and I have seen what suicide causes: my brother committed suicide and the devastation, agony and pain for my parents is not comparable to anything. So not going down that path... But how do I learn to fight the darkness? Anyone has ideas for small steps? It just doesn‘t go away and I even feel ashamed admitting it here because someone like me should just be happy.... but this darkness doesn‘t go away :(",-0.9945,negative,sad 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,listener_1,2,"First off I'd say, let's try and remove the shame aspect. It helps to think of the brain as just another organ. Shit can go wrong with it. Diseases, chemical imbalances, trauma etc. Like you would not feel shame if you got type 1 diabetes, or cancer, or something outside of your control. Your life could be perfect from the outside, wanting for nothing. Yet that has nothing to do with what has gone wrong. Look at how many celebrities suffer from depression. You've said you've tried medication and therapy. There are so many different kinds. Maybe you haven't found one that works for you yet. Have you tried cognitive behavioral therapy? That one always helped me more than interpersonal or talk therapy. Mindfulness meditation can be helpful. Journaling can be useful. Maybe you need a drastic change in your career. Maybe write down things that give you some joy or at least comfort vs things that diminish it. Now that I'm kinda old I feel like life is crazy short, so no matter how much it sucks I'm gonna try to make the best of it. We get a tiny little slice of life in an eternity of darkness. So that's always there waiting for you anyway, no need to rush off. To some that's relieving, to others it's existential-crisis inducing. For me, depends on the day. The fact that you posted here means at least you have not given up quite yet. I dunno, I'm a mess so maybe I shouldn't offer advice. But if you ever want to message feel free.",0.4014,positive,jealous 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,speaker,3,"Oh wow, what a message. I so much appreciate it. Like if there was someone who understands but doesn‘t judge. So many wise points for me to think about. You just brought a ray of sunshine into my dark thoughts. Being thankful more than you can imagine... I now want to really think about all you said. But if you don‘t mind: would you share with me what you mean with „I‘m old“? Like does age change perspective? I‘m 38. Thank you again.",0.9837,positive,grateful 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,speaker,4,Thank you so much for your answer. I will look into reiki.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,listener_2,5,Feel free to DM if you would like to talk!,0.7263,positive,questioning 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,listener_1,6,"Aw nice! I'm glad it helped. Lol the old comment, I just say that since so many on Reddit are in their 20s or even younger. I'm 41 so not too decrepit yet. :) I guess my perspective has changed a lot in just the last few years, and I'm sure it will continue to change (hopefully for the better!!). Everyone has their own timeline for personal growth.",0.9681,positive,acknowledging 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,speaker,7,"Lol, 41 is definitely not old :) What you say is so true. Everyone has their own timeline... Guess it's a mixture of impatience and not accepting things as they are that makes it so hard to believe in this when you feel like you hit rock bottom again. Anyway, you've mentioned some really good things. Just have to get up and do it. Haha, sounds so easy and just isn't. But it has given me a starting point. Thank you so much.",0.862,positive,agreeing 2348,depressed,When you just should be happy but you aren‘t,speaker,8,"Thanks for your answer and your kind words. So appreciated. Yes, I should not be beating up myself for feeling this way and I even know that. My mother suffers from this illness and probably my brother also did. And still I can't accept that I also do. I even worry I passed it on to my children :( Can't really process the fact that even though so many people struggle more because of ""real"" problems I am not happy. Like why can't I truly appreciate the hand I've been dealt? Although my one side in my head is truly aware of my priviledges, I just can't seem to make the most out of it. I know that therapy and medication is an option. But I don't have the strength to look it up now. It would also mean admitting that I am at that point again. The shame issue, I guess. That's why I am looking for small steps. Something I can do for myself. I know it's getting up and fight. It's just so hard. But these answers here have helped me tremendously. Like admitting it here and getting answers that really hit home. Thank you again.",-0.8121,negative,jealous 2349,depressed,What do I do to be happier?,speaker,1,"I am a new 18 year old, just graduated high school and going into college. I’m trying to take 5 classes all while balancing all my classes around my 10-6 job. I don’t have the money to pay for tuition an barley enough to pay for my bills, I don’t want to take out a loan because I know soon enough I won’t be able to take pay it back on time. My social life is complete shit. I’ve fucked up basically all of my friendships except for two which basically keep me going. I desperately wish for something to change so I can be happy and motivated but it never does. I’m really just thinking of saying fuck school, saving up a couple thousand dollars and flying to some other country and live there. I just want to escape and have a good life and not be sad and lonely anymore.",0.1106,positive,afraid 2349,depressed,What do I do to be happier?,listener_1,2,"I completely can relate. Have you considered applying for FAFSA? They can be a big help if you can’t afford to pay for your school. Also, I know it must feel like nothing good is ever gonna happen in your life, but I can assure you, that if you hold on a little longer and take it day by day, that things WILL get better! I remember finishing high school and I had no hope for the future; two, three years later, I finally know what I wanna do with my life and I’m excited to see what the future has in store for me. Please don’t give up. I have faith you can overcome this!",0.942,positive,hopeful 2349,depressed,What do I do to be happier?,speaker,3,"I applied for fafsa and they have completely messed me over. I’m not gonna give up trying to live a happy life but it’s just hard. I’ll find a way. Honestly, thank you so much!",0.8149,positive,grateful 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,1,Just out of curiosity.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_1,2,"I don’t necessarily think millennials are more prone to depression, but I do think it looks that way because the older generations might have seen it as taboo in a “non-existing, pull yourself together” kind of way. I know my dad is that way, always saying “When you get older, you won’t take things so personal.” Right dad, thanks for your support! In regards to Gen Z and such, I think there’s so many things today to help prevent depression i.e. the internet where you can talk about things before the escalate and such. Dunno, if it makes much sense, but I think bringing it into spotlight by millennials has paved a way for the generations to come in terms of warning signs.",0.1926,positive,trusting 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_2,3,"As an “older” person, I get that sentiment. I definitely care a lot less about what people think, than I used to, and I don’t take as much personally. Not sure if it is experience, age, or giving up because people can be assholes and I’m tired of feeling bad about it. Doesn’t help you now, though. My “expert” advise comes from 2 areas. From a coworker, when I asked her why she wasn’t upset/stressing about something... “They don’t pay me enough to care.” From myself: try and figure out the person’s motivation. Are they trying to hurt you specifically, or are they just oblivious/uncaring/in a bad place themselves? If they are actually trying, get out of that situation and don’t keep it to yourself. Tell someone. If they are doing it unintentionally, respond as if they said it how you want to hear it. Then talk to them about it later. See if they will open up to you. Sometimes helps. Good luck!!",0.4257,positive,trusting 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,4,"Do you ever feel as though maybe this generation exaggerates certain feelings or is more comfortable sharing due to the way it's portrayed in the media? In other words, how does the glamorization of self harm, depression and anxiety affect how we choose to act emotionally in a situation? Of course, sharing how you feel is always important but I feel as though so many people have both diagnosed and even more have undiagnosed or self diagnosed illnesses. Putting a spotlight on the conversation of mental health has almost become trendy, especially among the under 25's. As someone who struggles myself I am genuinely curious about how the media affects how we see ourselves and if shows like ""13 Reasons Why"" and ""Euphoria,""( both of which I think are cinematic masterpieces) are opening up the conversation or are causing distress among their younger audiences. I am a university student currently studying film but leaning more and more towards Psychology.",0.8336,positive,apprehensive 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,5,"Venting is important for sure but as you said, I think the digital age plays into the problem. As I said in my response above, the media tends to glamorize mental illness which can be triggering to anyone, whether they have personally experienced it or not. TV and movies are so easily consumed. It definitely depends on the context and the platform in which information is shared. In my opinion, venting on Reddit is a far cry from a PG-13 show thats viewed on a major platform like Netflix. What do you think?",0.8845,positive,apprehensive 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_3,6,You should do research on the topic and look up cultivation theory. It would be interesting to see the effect of pop culture on peoples mental health.,0.4019,positive,suggesting 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_1,7,"(Sorry in advance for my rambling, I lost track of my point somewhere in the middle, Lol! Hope it makes sense anyways) I don’t know about exaggerating, because I think what is considered hard and struggles today are much different than it was when I was a teenager (28 y.o. now). For example in 13RW, the video of Hannah and Justin is one of the worst things that can happen to especially girls today. Being called a slut or easy for example because of a video and so. Because of the internet which is both a blessing and a curse, people today have more bullets to shoot with so to speak. With one click you can basically cause the death of a person (look at Michelle Carter.) That’s also why some teenagers today might be affected by this so-called glamourization in media. They see something and they relate (too much) to it because everything is out in the open due to social media. But unlike other generations they can’t see passed it because Instagram is reality and everybody should look like people on Riverdale. And when stuff like Kat’s plot in Euphoria happens, people might try to embrace themselves and mimic her, only to get burned because life isn’t a tv show. Basically what I’m trying to say but fails at is that the problems teenagers have today are not things people my age would have experienced (to that extend) and that’s why things becomes glamourized and mental illness becomes trendy. Because it isn’t necessarily presented in an autentic way. Don’t get me wrong, I love Euphoria, but I also think it’s very noticeable where the show is a fictional farce and where the truth and realness in these characters are. Personally though I think the best way to deal with mental illness and such is through conversation, not censorship, so fuck Netflix for removing the cutting scene from 13RW. I think that scene helped more people than it killed. So I don’t think that particular scene glamourized anything. If anything, Romeo and Juliet glamourizes suicide. I think I did a paper on 13RW when I took a film class, but don’t remember the topic exactly. Maybe it was just about subjectivity like Hannah vs. the others or something. I think media or more so celebrities etc. help people cope a lot today. For instance Bella Thorne, who is very vocal about her mental health and experiences with abuse. I think letting the world or just people around you know these things will help people stand up for themselves and embrace what the experiences gave them and taught them about themselves and also give them power to move forward instead of clinging on to the past. It’ll of course always stay with them, but it will never break them again because they now know that they are not alone. I do however think that people today tend to choose the wrong words when talking about their struggles. I’m slowly getting through depression and stress and people today tend to say stuff like “And then I dropped my ice cream, it was soooo depressing!” and “I have a paper due on Monday, it’s stressing me out!” Sure they feel that way in the moment but with people like you and me, who are truly depressed and stressed, we stay in that mindset and cannot escape it. So you could say depression is glamourized in some way today because people don’t really know the meaning of the word unless they experienced it themselves. So maybe young teenagers today do exaggerate, I’m not sure. I always think you should believe people until one knows for sure.",-0.9774,negative,ashamed 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_4,8,"13 Reasons Why is no cinematic masterpiece. It's is not endorsed by most mental health professionals and is actually seen as dangerous in the way it romanticizes suicide and conflates teenage desire for revenge with consciousness in death to seek payback and peace. The main character's only power is in death. What kind of message do you think that sends? There actually seems to be a correlation between that show and an increase in adolescent self harm, social thoughts, and suicides. There were studies showing in increase in terms showing up in ers within days of the series premiere and season one was linked to a 26% increase in Google searches on how to commit suicide. The show also does not follow the World Health Organization guidelines to prevent suicide contagion, written to help media professionals navigate the realities of suicide without romanticizing it and unwittingly encouraging copycat suicides—and it shows. If you are leaning toward psychology, you should do your research and also start to understand the issue of suicide better.",-0.9821,negative,terrified 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_5,9,"Yeah, I agree. In the digital age we have people livestreaming self harm and violence even. But I don't think the media / technology is the only factor in cases such as those. Again, technology doesn't push these people over the edge and eliminating technology wouldn't entirely eliminate such problems but I can't help but wonder what it's done to us. I think the link between technology and depression is more commonly researched than extreme cases. &#x200B; A lot of people report having self esteem issues due to social media for instance. It's common to feel sad and when you see everyone sharing selfies with friends, going to parties, etc. all over snapchat or instagram, you probably will feel jealous and even more isolated. Social media is not a malicious thing in itself though in my opinion. What do you think the solution is?",-0.9104,negative,agreeing 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,10,"What is the solution? Now that is the question. It's hard, I think as long as there is a way to connect with people instantly (ie: social media) there will always be a group of people sharing triggering things. As a society, we love being triggered, we can use the word ""triggered"" in almost any situation. As a society, we are ""casually suicidal,"" as I've heard people say. The problem lies in how we are taught to deal with these feelings. The first time I s\*\*f harmed, I was under the impression that it would fix my problems and I had learned that through images in pop culture. Now being clean for almost six months, I know that is not the case. But this is my point, young people will absorb anything as fact as long as they are given enough persuasion. There are whole sub cultures and ""aesthetics"" built off of the foundation that having experiences trauma in your life you are somehow more valuable or authentic. Whether that trauma was having an abusive parent, being bullied in school, or the torment inside your mind, brought on simply by comparing yourself to unattainable standards. If you act on those things in a certain way, you are quirky and unique. Everyone wants to be average but at the same time people want to be recognized for being something different. HBO's new shoe ""Euphoria"" makes taking drugs look so cool and edgy and it makes keeping secrets seem interesting and thrilling. Next thing you know we have Juul addicted, Serotonin deprived middle schoolers. I don't think there is a simple fix, I think there will always be problems but the exposure is what I question. I am all for exposure of other things, don't get me wrong, (racism, the LGBTQ+ community, etc) but if the messages about mental health are not purely motivational and that is the GOAL, there is a problem. Advocating for mental health is one thing. Venting online is one thing. But broadcasting a narrative that clearly depicts graphic imaginary is another, I'm sorry! I don't wanna see Hannah Baker slitting her wrists and bleeding out in a bathtub! We live in a world where anyone and everyone can become an ""influencer"" and yet no one seems to know how to handle that title. I would love to see a show about someone's story and progress with their mental health, without the graphic depictions, but honestly that's not gonna happen because WE LOVE SHOCK VALUE. I just feel bad for the generation growing up right now (under 18.) It's a cruel world out there.",0.6359,positive,afraid 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_5,11,Well said. You will do well in psychology in college I think. Also good on you for being in recovery!,0.75,positive,wishing 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,12,"I agree with you completely. I think some of the camera work is very well done. But the show as a whole is a disaster for all the reasons you said. Hannah Baker is an average teenager with boy problems and family problems. She decides she wants everything to stop. And she kills herself as they so graphically showed. Nothing in the show points towards mental health awareness other than graphic scenes and posters of the girl's face all over the school. There have been several copycat suicides after the first season of the show was released. And yet it has been renewed for a THIRD season. This is my question, how do shows like this REALLY affect society? The answer is terribly. Everyone seems to be struggling with something now a days, is it because life is getting harder as time goes on or is it because kids are given more and more reasons to validate the inconveniences that come with life?",-0.9717,negative,disgusted 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",speaker,13,"Very fair, just a passing thought. I'll stick to film for now.",0.3804,positive,neutral 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_4,14,"People are not struggling more any more than before. As someone else said, there is more awareness and recognition. It's just like there haven't been increases of ptsd and autism. We just are more aware and can identify it now with a diagnosable name. Also, there are the same rates of depression in areas that do not use technology. Social skills may have changed with the increased use of technology, for good or bad. But mental health rates have not. Again, you have to use facts and statistics and not what you feel is correct.",0.0813,positive,surprised 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_1,15,"Thank you for this. I’m 28, and I think my dad has just distanced himself from it. I don’t think his parents talked to him about this and obviously that’s a shame if that means he is struggling himself, but the thing is that my sister is bipolar for instance and very vocal about it. I on the other hand am not bipolar but have been struggling with depression for a few years now. I was even suicidal at one point, but luckily I got passed that. Anyways, because she’s very vocal about it, my dad takes her seriously. But because I feel like a burden, I don’t want to talk about my struggles because when I do, I’m not taken seriously since my sister is a plentitude if that makes sense. She’s nonstop talking about her illness that mine feels like trivial matter. It sucks. Sometimes my dad even makes fun of me when I don’t have the energy to be around crowds for example. I do think that things will get easier with time, but the thing with depression is that your brain isn’t wired like everyone else’s. When I tell him something, he thinks it’s me overthinking things, when in fact it’s my brain throwing insults at me. “You’re not good enough,” “everyone hates you,” “people would be better off without you” etc. So I basically just wish that he would take me seriously and help me understand that these are momentarilly feelings and not reality. Fingers crossed it’ll happen one day. Sorry to turn this post into a pity party. It was just nice to get my frustrations put, lol!",-0.7205,negative,lonely 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_2,16,"I’ve had those moments when your brain revolts and becomes this negative heckler. It’s awful. I have to do something that requires 0 thinking. Something that I do on autopilot, so I can space out and shut it up! Not sure if that will work for you, but try to find something that helps you escape it.",0.1465,positive,annoyed 2350,depressed,"Depressed people of Reddit, why is the millennial generation more prone to mental illness?",listener_1,17,"I’ll try that, Thank you!",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 2351,depressed,It’s my birthday and I don’t have any friends,speaker,1,"Today is my 21st birthday and I have no one to hang out with except my 14 year old brother. My parents are split and my dad didn’t call me to say happy birthday, and my mom cursed me out this morning. I knew this year I wanted to make more friends which is why I made a club on campus. I made a club and was the president, I didn’t go on one of the biggest trips we had because of some tests I had and everyone ended up becoming best friends without me. They all comment on each other’s pics, and don’t talk to me. Even my friends stopped being friends with me to hang out with the “cooler people”. It’s dumb because I’m in college and shouldn’t think about that but it’s hard not to, especially when you’re all alone on your bday. I went to work this morning and thought of driving the car off the freeway cause I thought maybe then people would notice me which is stupid. I’m just so sad because those were my closest friends and they stopped being friends with me to hang out with other people who don’t like me. I know people have it way worse than me, but I’m so sad and I’ve been crying all day. I feel so alone. I wish I had friends.",-0.7721,negative,ashamed 2351,depressed,It’s my birthday and I don’t have any friends,listener_1,2,"Happy Birthday. I'm sorry you're having a bad day. I've also spent much of the day crying. I think the fact that you created a club and it helped people meet and become friends is awesome. You made other peoples' lives better. You should keep doing things like that and you will definitely connect with people who want to be your friend. Unfortunately most friends come and go, but don't give up. You're still young and you're going to have lots more chances to make friends.",0.944,positive,caring 2351,depressed,It’s my birthday and I don’t have any friends,speaker,3,Thanks for commenting it really means a lot.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,speaker,1,Fuck here comes another pity party my life sucks post. Life is not getting better for me and seems to worsen every year. I try and try and fail and fail. Death has become something like a fantasy to me I wish I would drop dead tmrw of natural causes to not have the suicide stigma but since that’s nots happening I may have to think of that option,-0.8445,negative,disappointed 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_1,2,s a m e,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,speaker,3,"If I didn’t have family oh man I think I would just buy a ton of herion and shit drive to the tallest mountain, bring a big lunch, all my drugs and overdose. If it wouldn’t sadden my family I do it right Fucking now",-0.802,negative,lonely 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_1,4,same but with weed because i’ll feel happy when with weed but herion no,0.5023,positive,neutral 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,speaker,5,I love weed and have never done h but I can’t over dose on weed,0.3818,positive,apprehensive 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_1,6,you can if you smoke enough,0.0,neutral,neutral 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,speaker,7,You cannot lol weed can’t be overdosed on it requires a impossible amount to ingest,-0.3252,negative,disgusted 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_1,8,it may be impossible for you... but not for me (2 days later) “breaking news! man dies from smoking 400 pounds of marijuana”,0.0,neutral,devastated 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_2,9,"Please stop writing these generic ""I love you"" comments on multiple posts. You don't even bother to address what the OP's actually write. This is not only lazy but it's patronizing. Sincerity requires effort, not words.",0.5751,positive,annoyed 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,speaker,10,Appreciate it but there comes a point in your life where you know things won’t get any better and your best times are behind you still bc of my family I can’t kill my self however badly I do want too,0.0644,positive,grateful 2352,depressed,I’m about to give up,listener_3,11,"Those are the lies depression has made you believe “Your life won’t get better,” “your best times are behind you” Your life CAN get better. It’s just been a rough and shitty stretch so far but that doesn’t mean you cant change your life. Greater comebacks have been made. Don’t give up.",0.3071,positive,hopeful 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,speaker,1,"Yesterday I found out a close friend “more than a friend” died. His body was found in a park with multiple gunshot wounds. He’s been in my life for the last 6 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade the bad for anything. I’m so thankful I’ve been able to make memories with him and have him in my life. So fucking blessed. The fact that I can have that with me forever is keeping me sane at the moment. Yesterday was a day of processing and realizing he’s gone, he’s dead, he’s never coming back. I keep finding myself thinking was it quick or did he suffer. He was alone and it’s killing me that someone could do such a thing to such a kind hearted person full of life who had his entire life ahead of him. He was amazing, beautiful inside and out. He had beautiful baby blues, a smile and laugh that could make you forget all the bad in your life because he brightened everything up with just a look. He’s unforgettable the moment you lay your eyes on him and now he’s gone forever. He’s dead. Right now I’m finally alone, away from family and friends. It’s hitting me that the person I’ve loved for so many years isn’t here in a time that I need him the most. So I’m going to drink some whiskey and pray that when my time comes he’s there waiting for me, wherever that is.",0.9693,positive,devastated 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,listener_1,2,"Hi, thanks for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I understand that he was murdered which is absolutely horrific. I know you are feeling strong emotions but it's important to remember that these feelings are normal and necessary after losing a member of the human race. Alcohol does not help and in fact is only going to make your depression worse. You need to grieve sober and let out all the pain you feel without being dazed by drugs. How are you feeling at the moment?",-0.9636,negative,sympathizing 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,speaker,3,I was fine until I finally got home from a friends a few hours ago. Right now I’m just heart broken. I know loosing a person you love is the worst but I’m feeling so much regret. I regretted a lot but I had him and now I don’t and I regret so much more. I know this is grieving and it’s normal to feel the way I do. Just I’m struggling thinking of his last moments. What led up to it what caused it and just more so why. I thought I only needed to get through yesterday,-0.9483,negative,sad 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,listener_1,4,Don't be silly. I'm not trying to belittle you. Grieving doesn't last one day. I would be scared if you told me you felt better after one day. It takes many years for the mind to fully process and relax after a traumatic experience. It's not easy but remind yourself that what you are experiencing is normal and healthy. I can't stress enough that you cannot drink alcohol if you want to heal sooner rather than later. Do you know what happened that got your (partner?) murdered?,-0.4436,negative,trusting 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,speaker,5,I didn’t think you were belittling at all. I have an idea what happened but I’m not entirely sure yet.,-0.4153,negative,neutral 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,listener_1,6,"Once agin I'm sorry about the tragic loss. I see that your post states ""just when you thought things were looking up"". Can you share your earliest memories of being depressed or anxious?",-0.8271,negative,sympathizing 2353,depressed,Just when you think things are looking up.,speaker,7,I’ve had many things in my life happen that I still struggle with.,-0.3182,negative,sad 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,speaker,1,"I suffer from anxiety and mild depression; I'm on antidepressants, 100mg of Sertraline, and have been since October-ish. I've been making really good progress on my mental health by identifying triggers, a lot of which stemmed from a bad family situation throughout childhood, and trying to repair relationships with my family. But, I've recently noticed that whenever someone implies or outright calls me dumb, regardless of whether or not it's a joke, triggers me quite badly. I don't know why because I don't doubt my intelligence, but I usually hate being called it because normally there's a reason behind I say something I do or do something, but those around me don't see it that way. Sometimes, I notice that person goes on to do something related that their argument against my methods is directly applicable but they don't seem to realise their action is comparable to what I was doing. But I'm the dumb one? It really annoys me and that then makes me feel really depressed and empty inside.",-0.9915,negative,annoyed 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,listener_1,2,"Hi, thanks for sharing. I appreciate your wisdom is analyzing your traumatic childhood. Why are you surrounding yourself with people who belittle you and call you dumb? Being around abusive individuals is detrimental to our mental stability.",-0.5106,negative,sympathizing 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,speaker,3,"Hey! That's okay. It's not that I'm surrounding myself with abusive people, but moreso that I do silly things now and again that do warrant me being called dumb or dense, which I don't mind; my partner, for instance, is one of the most supportive and grounding people in my life and I couldn't be without him, truly. But occasionally he does make the odd joke which triggers me, but he knows this and does appologise when it happens, rarely on his case. But, a colleague does it a fair bit and it annoys me a lot. I'll be leaving at the end of the month to start a new job as I've just graduated. They're a lovely individual, but the sort that always needs to be right and will always try and poke a hole in your logic whenever they see one, regardless of if they need to or not. I definitely consider them a friend but this is just one of their flaws, for me at least. The people in my life are truly amazing and I'd never be without them. I've just noticed this trigger recently and I need to.muster the courage to let them know it exists so they can regulate their jokes accordingly.",0.9554,positive,trusting 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,listener_1,4,I'm sorry that the people in your life trigger you. I can understand your depression. If you claim these people are great then why aren't they curious enough about you to already know and understand your triggers? I'm not saying youre wrong but I am pointing out the contradiction. Thanks for reading.,0.4011,positive,sympathizing 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,speaker,5,"That's true. Opening up is difficult for me and I'm still finding my feet a little. As I say, I've recently discovered this so my friends don't yet know it's a trigger. I don't really know how to tell them, honestly, as I don't want them to feel like they're intentionally making me feel bad when they're just joking around.",0.7474,positive,apprehensive 2354,depressed,I've recently found a new trigger,listener_1,6,"Hang on, my apoligies, I think you misunderstood. I wasn't blaming you. I said why aren't the people in your life compassionate and curious enough about you to know what you are suffering. We all need people in our lives that care about us so much that they know exactly when we are feeling unwell. There is a reason you are talking to internet strangers instead of the people in your life. I am not criticising in fact I am honored to chat with you. I am simply pointing it out.",0.9079,positive,trusting 2355,depressed,My heart got broken,speaker,1,"My relationship of 1 and a half years ended a few days ago and I've never felt so down before in my life. My heart has been aching the second the phone call ended. It's hard to wake up, it's hard to go to sleep, it's hard to eat. I'm just directionless and I don't know what to do. Just needed to get this out. If anyone has any advice I'd love to hear it. Thank you.",0.7579,positive,sad 2355,depressed,My heart got broken,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear you're going through a break up. They're usually tough, but the first ones are always the hardest. Is this your first long term relationship breakup?",-0.1027,negative,questioning 2355,depressed,My heart got broken,speaker,3,Yeah it's a first. every other relationship I had was like a week long so it didn't really count. First long term relationship/breakup.,0.5719,positive,neutral 2355,depressed,My heart got broken,listener_1,4,"I've been through it and I know it's hard but let me tell you that you'll get through it. It's going to take time but I promise you that you will get through it and come out a better person. My first major breakup was after a 2 year relationship and I was torn to pieces for months. I did the things I liked to do and concentrate on myself to help me get through it. Everything will be alright, I've been there.",0.9306,positive,faithful 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,1,"I don't know if this is the right place to write this.... but here goes. I (26F) was seeing someone (25M) for a brief time (under 2 months) and it was going absolutely amazing. We got along really well, had great sexual chemistry and it was easy to talk to eachother... I could always tell he had low self esteem because he put me on such a high pedestal (you are so out of my league, I'm ugly, i still can't believe we are talking, you're so nice to me why are you so nice to me, you're so perfect). Everything he said made me want to continue to show him that someone really cares for him, he's so handsome and has a genuine heart.. But a few weeks ago some crappy things happened to him in his life (having to spend a lot of money on surgery, his work fucking up his vacation time etc). He has had a lot of girls really fuck him over and i guess make him feel worthless over the years, he was already embarrassed about living at home and having to go school when he was 25 ( all my friends still live at home and I know plenty of people who havent gone to school yet). This really triggered his depression, but at that time I was soooo absorbed with my own insecurities that he might not be interested in me as much. he asked to slow things down because he gets really nervous around girls now and that everything was moving really fast for him and didnt want to fuck things up.. but everything changed, the emotion in his messages were gone, we were barely talking and it seemed like he was slipping into his depression. He actually opened up to me a little about it without straight up saying he was depressed and stated he hadn't ever told anyone about it, asking me not to tell anyone what he has said. Im not sure if that would cause him to withdraw more for fear of rejection? After that he started to withdraw a lot so I started doing a lot of research into depression... It has been just over a week now since he stopped answering me completely.... one of my best friends who works with him said he's just doing his own thing right now and that she thinks he is stubborn and won't allow himself to be with anyone until he has his shit together... but I feel like me disappearing from his life is wrong..... I keep telling myself it isn't ghosting and that he has fallen deep into his depression and isn't capable of holding a conversation right now ( he had said he hasnt been doing any of the hobbies he loves, sleeps a lot, doesn't feel worthy of me etc) I want to be able to support him and let him know he has someone who cares about him... but I don't know how, do I keep sending him messages every week or so? I feel like if he isn't answering he doesn't want me around... which could just be my own selfish insecurities kicking in. But how can I actually know? I also don't want this to be about me and I feel like I keep doing that. I want to be a strong support for him... Help :( i would love some insight on what i should do in this type of situation. I definitely really like this guy and think he is worth it... I am more than willing to learn",0.9559,positive,jealous 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_1,2,"I think it would help him if you would go visit him and try to do stuff with him he likes. In the beginning it won't be easy, he'll just want to stay where he is but something that seems stupid like watching TV together could help him. Being there for him, not only saying ''I'm here for you'' but actually spending time with him, will show him your love. Hope it helps",0.9548,positive,caring 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,3,But how do I know if that is acceptable behavioir if we really haven't been seeing eachother long? What if I am overstepping ?,0.5122,positive,apprehensive 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,4,"It’s definitely overstepping. If he wanted you there, he’d ask.",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_1,5,Not quite sure about that. Sorry...,-0.3567,negative,sympathizing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,6,"So should I just leave it and if he comes back, he comes back? As in he has the choice to answer and he hasn't :(",0.2973,positive,suggesting 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,7,"Okay, I won't do that. Should I not send anymore messages?",0.2263,positive,questioning 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,8,"I think so. And I do hate to say this, but there’s not much hope for a relationship if he isnt willing to talk to you and ask you for emotional support. He doesn’t seem like ready for a relationship and he needs to at least get the depression under control before entering one. It really sucks and I’ve lost relationships over this. But ultimately it is like a sickness. It’s not a deal breaker in and of itself, but how the person who deals with it can be.",-0.4494,negative,sad 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,9,"No, I wouldn’t. If he reaches out, by all means support him if you think he’s got it a bit under control. Just be careful, sometimes people reach out when they’re very, very low and the best thing you can do is tell him you want the best for him and ask him to seek professional help. If you don’t have depression it may be very hard for you to help him adequately and the best thing you can do is help him find someone who can. If he seems okay, then the episode likely has passed and you guys can go back to normal. I’d also at some point gently open the subject and see if he wants to tell you more.",0.9699,positive,questioning 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,10,"You are right. He has never talked to anyone about it... communication is so huge:( he doesn't want people to see he is struggling, but hiding it doesn't help him. It definitely really sucks :( I really appreciate your answers. Hearing from someone else's perspective.",-0.7286,negative,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,11,"He’s going to have to learn not to do that. But if he often does this, he’ll probably get out of the episode in a few weeks and reach out. I suppose if you wanted to text him in two weeks (no less) that would probably be okay. In case he’s worried that you’d be upset about the not responding. But I think it’s more likely he’ll reach out.",-0.4861,negative,suggesting 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,12,"Yeah for sure, that is really great advice. You are right, I have done a lot of research, but it isn't enough to bring him to where he needs to be. I'm not sure how long the episodes last. My friend thinks he won't respond to me for a long time because he wants to figure his shit out and is probably embarrassed to talk to me. :(",-0.7349,negative,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,13,"He’s got to do that himself. Sometimes I think of it like being in a deep hole. It’s dark, sometimes some light gets down there but it’s still wet and cold and dark. And then sometimes someone throws a rope, and sometimes people climb that rope and they get out. But *they* have to climb it. You cannot climb it for them or lift them out no matter how badly you want to. And they don’t always want to come out. Sometimes it’s easier to stay there because pulling yourself up a rope when you’re cold and sad and tired is *hard* and sometimes you just have to leave the rope there and wait until they’re ready to climb it. Episodes vary for everyone. Some last hours, days, weeks, months, even years. There’s no way to know.",-0.8106,negative,jealous 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,14,Yeah we had talked about that a little and he had said he isn't used to communicating. Him and his exs never did and never talked about anything other than surface level things I guess. I don't think he was used to someone actually being a little more understanding and patient. Maybe that scared him. All theories of course Yeah he hasn't responded for over a week so we shall see what happens... I'll wait 2 weeks to say something as I sent a message a couple days ago. Have you dealt with soemthing like this before or?,0.4588,positive,apprehensive 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,15,"Oh wow that is a good analogy... yeah so I've definitely thrown the rope down there and it's on him to choose to take it... it makes me sad to know he is hurting and not be able to turn to anyone. I understand how hard that would be, you don't want people seeing you as ""weak"" or unable. This world beats us down and sometimes it is so hard to get back up. I hope he can get out of this episode and push through❤",0.8312,positive,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,16,"Oh yea. My first relationship was with someone who had pretty severe depression that slowly got worse as time went on (a lot was due to his parents). It got to the point where is was very unhealthy, he refused to seek treatment, and it was affecting my mental health so I left and told him when he sought help we’d get back together. Well, he never did. At least not for years after. And last time I heard, he wasn’t doing very good but I’m doing a lot better and whenever I think about it I just remind myself that I’m not a therapist and I did the best I reasonably could. The second time was with a friend of mine. His depression started to get pretty bad too, we were very close. He started to accuse me of things like not caring for him. I of course did my best to reassure him. He would get more and more aggressive (saying things like he didn’t care about me at all and said he wanted me to get the hell away from him) and I thought, this is just the depression, and tried to help. But it got worse until I just couldn’t take it either and apologized and I left. Then he’d be calling me up apologizing like crazy and begging me not to leave and saying he needed me. Well, that went on for awhile until I blocked him for good. He still reaches out but I can’t get stuck in that again. He always denied having mental illness, even when threatening to kill himself. I don’t think he ever got help. So yea, your guy sounds a lot more stable but it’s just something you want to feel responsible for or get in the middle of. If he’s ignoring you, there may be a very good reason. He may need space to fix things, he may lash out when he’s upset and not want to hurt you, there are tons of reasons and they’re all out of your control. Hopefully he takes care of his issues but you gotta let him.",0.8564,positive,faithful 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,17,"I hope so too! ❤️ Just remember this: he absolutely can turn to people. It is 100% his choice whether or not to do so, and to pick the person if he does.",0.4926,positive,encouraging 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,18,"Oh wow, that is really intense. I am so sorry you went through that. I hope they find their way :( I can't even imagine trying to figure out what was going on while it happened. Did you have to do research or did you learn as you went? Yeah I think he shuts out everyone, I'm sure he talks to his friends here and there but I totally get not wanting to show the girl you like/don't fully know that you are a mess (not that I think he is mess). We are our own worst critic and depression probably amplifies that by 1000. I don't want to add to his stress, you know?",-0.9666,negative,sympathizing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,19,"Yeah he totally can, the way he explained those previous relationships was as if no one ever bothered to care if he was okay or not. I know he talks to my friend about a lot, but maybe not the depression. He will get there, I know it :)",0.9,positive,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,20,"Thank you. Me too. Well, I have mild depression and anxiety and my best friend had depression (but luckily hers was chemical, not everyone’s is) so I drew from my own experiences. But it was helpful for reminding me that not everyone deals with it the same. Yea that’s fair. Men also tend to “suffer in silence” and although it sucks that as a society we encourage that, ultimately it’s this guy’s choice to do so or not. I think giving him some space is the best way to help him for now.",0.9721,positive,agreeing 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",listener_2,21,☺️ that’s a good attitude,0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2356,depressed,"Guy I am seeing is depressed, how do I support him and show him he is cared about",speaker,22,"Oh okay, yeah you never know how someone will act right. I've gone through small spots where I have been depressed, my sister went through depression and it took her a long time to get out of it. I definitely handle it completely different than she did so I know what you mean. Yeah 100000%... which is awful, keeping things locked up doesnt do anyone any good. I will do my absolute best to leave him alone Haha thank you so much",0.8126,positive,agreeing 2357,depressed,Cat helps?,speaker,1,So I got a cat about 2 weeks ago well it will be 2 weeks tomorrow Anyway So I get the cat and since I’ve gotten her (Ms.Watson if you wanted the ladies name) I’ve been able to do stuff Like I’ve been getting out of bed on time because I want her to get fed and I want her to be happy - I think it’s really good for me I still get my lows but it feel like I have someone to talk to. Even if that someone is a cat,0.8358,positive,content 2357,depressed,Cat helps?,listener_1,2,"Great idea! I had a friend who knew I was having a hard time, and she forced me to adopt 2 kittens (brother and sister). Those 2 cats have saved my life. I feel like i need to do things like get out of bed and go to work, because they need food and attention and I'm not going to be the asshole who neglects 2 cats.",0.8588,positive,caring 2357,depressed,Cat helps?,speaker,3,This is exactly how I’m feeling! She give me purpose again,0.2003,positive,agreeing 2357,depressed,Cat helps?,listener_1,4,"Glad to hear it. Cats are great for that. Hope you and your kitty have some great days ahead. As always, there will be bad times too. But that's what talking to your cat and cuddling with it are for.",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2357,depressed,Cat helps?,speaker,5,It 100% is the same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2358,depressed,is it bad I know how to tie a slip knot?,speaker,1,I learned when I was 13. Is this a bad things?,-0.5423,negative,ashamed 2358,depressed,is it bad I know how to tie a slip knot?,listener_1,2,"A slip knot to hang yourself with, you mean? Does it even hold? I learned the hangmans noose at 16, 13 is young age tho.",0.0,neutral,surprised 2358,depressed,is it bad I know how to tie a slip knot?,speaker,3,"yeah I was super suicidal back then so I learned how to do it, and tested it to make sure it was strong enough. i’m scared that if things get bad again that information might be a bad thing.",-0.5719,negative,afraid 2358,depressed,is it bad I know how to tie a slip knot?,listener_2,4,"The problem is that you might suffocate and cut-off you veins etc rather than break the neck.....not a pleasant way to go Anyway if you're feeling like this now, then I guess it's not a good thing to know. Like I know drugs help, for a while and I wish I never knew. I don't think the info is that important it's the intent like nuclear fission etc, is this a cry (or ask) for help? Are you feeling suicidal?",0.8102,positive,apprehensive 2358,depressed,is it bad I know how to tie a slip knot?,listener_1,5,Maybe that's not a bad thing tho ?,0.431,positive,suggesting 2359,depressed,If only I weren't so fucking ugly,speaker,1,"I could be happy. I see incels cry a lot about women being shallow but at least ugly men can be funny/have money and still find a partner. Fat/Ugly women are nothing except sex partners to be regretted and ghosted by assholes. Even if I lost the weight, my body is already ruined from years of being fat, and losing weight won't fix this mug. Might as well order a fucking pizza and be happy for half an hour.",-0.9481,negative,jealous 2359,depressed,If only I weren't so fucking ugly,listener_1,2,Shut up women have it far easier than men in looks 99% of cases you just have to lose weight,0.0258,neutral,jealous 2359,depressed,If only I weren't so fucking ugly,speaker,3,"Women won't even give a shit about your looks if you're moderately smart and can get a good job. I'm smart, I'm funny, I've built a good career but of course none of that appeals to men with their lizard brains. You shut up, comb your hair, learn to tell a joke and you'll be doing fine",0.85,positive,confident 2359,depressed,If only I weren't so fucking ugly,listener_1,4,That's not what science says just go on tinder and you'll get a bunch of matches whereas most guys will get 0 But of course you dont care about that cause you only want the top >5% of the male population and wouldn't touch your looksmatch Personality does not matter with males 'Learn to tell a joke'=be gl so women like your jokes,0.8028,positive,jealous 2359,depressed,If only I weren't so fucking ugly,listener_2,5,is tinder science now?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2360,depressed,People tell me how peaceful and chill I look all of time,speaker,1,"I don't get it, most of the time i go out I'm trying not to cry in public/ pissed at something. Yet, random people say I look so calm. The other day a coworker said this, I asked him why and he replied: it's just this ""aura"" that you have. Anyway, the thing that really bothers me is the way they treat me after their judgment turns out to be wrong. Like, it's always either chill angel or psychotic bitch. What can I do about it? Does it happen to anyone else? Ps: English is not my first language. Please excuse my grammar",-0.2977,negative,annoyed 2360,depressed,People tell me how peaceful and chill I look all of time,listener_1,2,Think about it like this. Tou know how when people are about to commit sueside they make a last phone call and they sound pretty chill. Its like that but without the sueside part. It just means that you have no fear of death or so.,0.3164,positive,trusting 2360,depressed,People tell me how peaceful and chill I look all of time,listener_1,3,P.s. your english is fine,0.2023,positive,neutral 2361,depressed,I'm so disappointed in myself,speaker,1,"My dad and I were visiting Beale street in memphis, TN, because it is a lot more interesting than where he was stationed in Mississippi. We were with a group, but they left after one guy got really drunk. So, for a while it was just my dad and I at this table. Until, this group of people sat at our table. One of them kept consistent conversation with us, for about 2 hours. My dad would go to the bathroom every now and then and her and I would talk. I thought we got along and we were the same age. Her friends made her leave and she gives my dad her phone, because he's military and she is interested where he's been, her words. He does the usual and gives her a fake number as he's married and they leave. I feel like shit, because I just stay in silence, as this brilliant beautiful woman my age asks for my dads number and not mine. When her and I did talk it was really engaging and interesting.",0.9672,positive,annoyed 2361,depressed,I'm so disappointed in myself,listener_1,2,Sorry i'm confused but thanks for sharing. Is it true that you feel upset because your father got asked out on a date?,0.7935,positive,sympathizing 2361,depressed,I'm so disappointed in myself,speaker,3,"So, I thought we hit it off when we talked but when they were leaving, she fell in my dads lap and gave him her phone and after that just left. My dad said that she got the home depot number, which means fake number, and that kind of hurt, that he was just rejecting her when i was interested in the conversation and wanted to keep talking and I just sat there in silence, instead of saying anything to her as they left. Does that make any since?",-0.867,negative,lonely 2361,depressed,I'm so disappointed in myself,listener_1,4,"Yes it does, thanks for claryfing. If I understand correctly the woman was attractive and perhaps a good conversationalist. My concern is why would you feel upset about a woman not being interested in you? Of course it always appeals to our ego when someone is sexually interested in us but if you respect yourself then why would you care about someone who doesn't find you interesting enough to date?",0.901,positive,questioning 2361,depressed,I'm so disappointed in myself,speaker,5,"I feel like it's hitting me harder than it should since it's my first social interaction with someone since my breakup. Sorry if this out of order, I'm just venting, because I'm in a lonely place.",-0.0772,negative,lonely 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,speaker,1,"I'm starting to think that maybe I'm not the one who needs therapy. That maybe it's her and that I'm only going because she's been projecting all of her negativity and anger towards my brother and i. One of the saddest things that i see is that he and i can never talk about these things because he's not that kind of person. He has his own way of dealing with these things, which is quite opposite to mine. It's stressful enough as it is that we have to endure this, and that there really is no escaping this family. It's toxic. Mostly because he can't take care of his own mother whom he's promised to since she was ""evicted"" from her home. Their home. I don't know anymore. I want to leave but i have no place to go. The realisation of it all was only pointed out to me and i can confirm on a certain level that it's true. I can't leave. I have no place to go. I even got yelled at for wanting to stay in my room after i come home from wherever i went. I get yelled at for not communicating but when i do nobody even listens. I don't see the point anymore. Sorry for spouting nonesense. I don't know how much longer i can stand on my own two feet.",-0.7723,negative,sad 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,listener_1,2,"Hello. You aren't spouting nonsense but it is, however, very vague. I'm sorry that you're suffering with depression. Is it true that the people in your environment are making your suffering worse by not empathizing with you? Thanks for reading.",-0.9218,negative,sympathizing 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,speaker,3,"i understand that what i wrote doesn't make sense in the least bit. i only wrote it out of frustration really. it's not so much as making it worse by not empathizing so much as it is that they don't give me the attention that they are asking in return. in a way, it's more of like if you want me to treat you a certain way, you have to not be a dick about it when i ask you of the same thing. thank you for taking notice.",0.7078,positive,agreeing 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,listener_1,4,Of course. Do you have a history of depression or is this new for you?,-0.5719,negative,questioning 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,speaker,5,"i have had it apparently for about more than a decade ago, but was only diagnosed around 2013.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,listener_1,6,I understand that you have some dysfunctional relationshios that may be causing you more pain. Do you remember what first caused you to feel depressed?,-0.7841,negative,questioning 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,speaker,7,"During my first session my psychiatrist traced it back to when i got yelled at by a relative for doing ""a good deed""--this was not ""meant for me"" to do but i did anyway since at the time, i wasn't doing anything. Just watching satuday morning cartoons. Apparently it wasn't right cuz she asked for our househelp to do it and not ask me to go out in broad daylight. Idk why. Since then, our family has been in the rocks with that side of the family.",0.09,positive,embarrassed 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,listener_1,8,"Thanks for sharing but i dont understand what you mean by ""in the rocks"". Are you still in contact with people who yelled at you when you were a child?",0.431,positive,questioning 2362,depressed,Exhausted.,speaker,9,"Thanks for listening. Yeah, like apparently my family was never in good terms with that side even before i came to be. We are. Things got better when i graduated from college so reunions have been more tolerable.",0.7959999999999999,positive,neutral 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,speaker,1,"Seriously what the fuck is wrong with me. Here I sit next to my amazing boyfriend (whom in which I do not deserve) and all I can do is spiral into all the reasons why I hate myself. Fuck, im scared that if he knew half the stuff that went on in my head and the amount of times I mentally kill myself daily or just repeat ""I hate you"" ""you fat bitch"" ""ew look at you"" and so many more disgusting phrases he wouldn't want to be with me. I always put on a happy and bright persona, but inside I'm hollow. How can one feel so lonely in a crowded room? I don't want to be me anymore. And like this is so selfish, fuck, another reason to hate me.",-0.9859,negative,ashamed 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,listener_1,2,Thanks for sharing and i'm sorry that you are suffering. What caused first your depression?,-0.34,negative,sympathizing 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,speaker,3,"I don't remember, it's been like this for so long. It comes and goes I guess. Could be My abusive father, broken family, over-protective mother, eating disorder, the fact I don't have any friends and no one to talk to. I'm sure one of them (or all) is bound to be the cause..",-0.8736,negative,lonely 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,listener_1,4,"I appreciate the honesty. I want to make sure I understand correctly. Did the eating disorder start before or after your family became dusfunctional. Also, can you please define ""over-protective mother"" in your scenario.",0.7964,positive,questioning 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,speaker,5,Ive never been the confrontational sort... But thankyou. I'll try my best,0.8122,positive,neutral 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,speaker,6,No worries. It feels wierd talking about all this... I was born into a dysfunctional family to ED came after. It's hard to describe the second one..,0.234,positive,apprehensive 2363,depressed,What's wrong with me...,listener_2,7,"You aren't confronting him, you're telling him how you feel. Don't worry! I know how scary it is to tell someone but once you say it, it gets 100x eaiser tell them",-0.1197,negative,trusting 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,speaker,1,Last friday I went to see my doctor to say I think I suffer from dysthymia. I have been feeling so bad for so long now and it's getting a high impact on my daily life... I have been feeling bad (with some good periods in between) for at least 12 years now. Doctor asked me how my job's going.. well that's actually one of the few things that are going 'well'... you know... work has to happen xD I crash at home. Now I have been feeling this bad it's affecting my behavior towards my kids and husband. So finally some alarm bells went ringing and I saw a doctor. He gave me a prescription for gabriel which I started taking yesterday. I hope there will be improvements soon or I'll be on antidepressants before the year's over. I'm 'glad' I took that first awful step of coming out with my problems and wanted to share that here,-0.7077,negative,ashamed 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,listener_1,2,Well. That is good to hear. I want to go to a doctor but i live with my parents and i dont want them to know about any of thr things that have been going on with me so i cant book an apointment without them knowing. But its good to hear that someone can go. 😌,0.8614,positive,acknowledging 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,speaker,3,"My doctor is without apointment ;) Maybe also a 'plus' that I'm 30 y/o and my parents doesn't have to know ;) But seriously, don't wait as long as I did, my doctor was shocked. I'm not even sure I'm going for follow up when I finished my month with gabaril... just because it was hard and stressful",-0.9077,negative,apprehensive 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,listener_1,4,Its only been 6 months since i've been feeling down. That seems to benothing compared to some people here. I dont want to wait and want to get better but i dont know how to do it without my parents knowing.,0.3047,positive,jealous 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,speaker,5,"Can't you make the appointment without your parents knowing? Say you're going to a friend's house or something? I don't know, sorry... Hope you'll find a way",-0.3703,negative,sympathizing 2364,depressed,Finally went to see a doctor!,listener_1,6,I hope i do.,0.4404,positive,encouraging 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,1,"My mom thinks it's easy to be positive. My sister thinks I'm depressed for attention. My brother doesn't care. And my dad won't accept the fact that he's the reason. I'm so tired of feeling like I don't exist. I had to pack up and leave with my family because of my dad. We left my dad in Florida, the one place that I knew, trusted, and had fun in. I'm now living in Louisiana. A shit hole home, the reason I cry myself to sleep at night, the reason I have suicidal thoughts.. all of it. Music speaks to me a lot. I feel this energy I guess when I listen to it. It's the only thing that makes me somewhat happy. Half of my family is homophobic and I'm Pansexual Lesbian. So that's great. I wish I could jump off of a building, or die in my sleep. Or better yet, slit my wrists. But, my sister would be sad, and I don't know why. Why are people rude to me, but would be sad if something happen to me? I'm still figuring that part out.",-0.8982,negative,angry 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,listener_1,2,I understand that you are suffering. Did you have depression in the past or is this new for you?,-0.7783,negative,questioning 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,3,I've had it since my dad started drugs.,0.0,neutral,guilty 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,listener_1,4,"I'm sorry that you grew up in an environment where people around you were inconsiderate of the damage they did to you. I know you have a lot of reason to be upset and angry but what do you think is causing you the most pain at the moment? Thanks for replying, I appreciate it.",-0.5632,negative,sympathizing 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,5,"Your welcome. I try to reply as best as I can haha. I think the thing that is most hurting me is that I can't ever make my mom proud no matter what I do. She always yells at me. Whenever she says goodnight to me it's followed up with a bunch of things on how I'm a mistake, I'm disgusting, I'm not positive, it's easy to be positive, etc.",0.5723,positive,ashamed 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,listener_1,6,I understand that your mother is making you suffering worse. I want to understand your thought process. What is the reason why you are in contact with this individual who belittles you?,-0.7096,negative,questioning 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,7,"Yeah, your right..",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,8,"Well, I can't afford a apartment so I just live with my mom.",0.2732,positive,content 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,9,You have a good point. People fear others that are different.,-0.0772,negative,agreeing 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,listener_1,10,I'm sorry that you suffered so much. Remember that our environment has a huge impact on our mental health. I now that you are financially dependent on someone but I hope that you gain you independce soon and choose relationships that foster empathy and compassion from all parties. Thanks for reading. Did this conversation help at all?,0.9744,positive,sympathizing 2365,depressed,Nobody understands.,speaker,11,It helped me a lot. Thank you!,0.4199,positive,acknowledging 2366,depressed,3am,speaker,1,"Last night I thought about my mum for the first time in a long time. she left me here with them and moved to a different country with her abusive new husband. my dad cried for her but has since let it go and i admire him for that but i cant do the same. she was a depressed, delusional alcoholic that made me look after my young brothers and sister while i was still only a child of around 11. i had to manage the house while she drank herself away every night at that kitchen table. i still love her and if i meet her again i wouldnt even be angry. &#x200B; i cant help but blame myself for her leaving. If i had only been a year older when child protective services stepped in then i would still be staying with her. i could and should be looking after her right now. she said she hated mcdonalds but now she works there and still drinks herself to sleep. most likely because of that bastard and what hes doin to her right now. i wish i could tell her she doesnt deserve the abuse because of the damage she caused us. I cant even message or talk about her in depth without crying. I have been bottling up my emotions and thought of sadness for years now that all my feelings amalgamate into a week-long period of extreme sadness, to the point i don't want to talk to anyone, and suicidal thoughts every two months. Ive asked for help before, therapy and such but i haven't heard any news of anything like that for over a year. About a year ago i had an extremely dark month of grim thoughts, suicidal ideation and whatever. They asked if id ever harmed myself or thought about killing myself to which the answer was yes. I was told thaT i would receive help which gave me some hope but it has been over a year. No talk that i will recieve help. No temporary solution. I dont think they even asked. I feel like such a burden because everytime i take one of these episodes of grief i am told i am just being moody and that im attention seeking. I dont want to be attention seeking that is the least thing i want. I just want some help.",-0.9836,negative,sentimental 2366,depressed,3am,listener_1,2,"You are not responsible for the things your mother has done, not at all. You tried to help you family, you tried your best. If these guys won't contact you since a year consider contacting them. I am sorry for the things that happend but you only can try for now",0.4251,positive,sympathizing 2367,depressed,My life is falling apart in front of me,speaker,1,"I've always battled depression. When I was dating my then-girlfriend, things felt like they can only get better. But when we broke up, everything started going downhill. My performance at work started getting affected, I've become an alcoholic, and became twitchy to the point where the smallest things will trigger me and I'll go off on people. Very recently, I also failed a PT test. Because of it, I'm not getting promoted to the next guaranteed rank. Right after I failed that same test, I came to the parking lot only to find my car damaged by the truck that was parked next to me. I feel like life is just constantly shitting on me. I'm trying to keep my head high, but I can only take so much. I've tried therapy and counseling, but they didn't help at all. It also doesn't help that on top of everything, I have this constant feeling of loneliness and as if nobody cares about me. At this point, there's only one thing I'm positive about, and that's things aren't bound to get better.",-0.9351,negative,ashamed 2367,depressed,My life is falling apart in front of me,speaker,2,I just fucking dropped my phone on the pavement right after posting this and cracked the fucking screen,0.0,neutral,angry 2367,depressed,My life is falling apart in front of me,listener_1,3,"I am sorry for your loss. I do care about you, so keep going. I hope things get better for you, soon.",0.7506,positive,sympathizing 2368,depressed,struggle with death,speaker,1,"all my life i have struggled with wanting to kill myself. my brother died at 18 and i was 7 years old. i watched so many people grieve over his death and they all say the same things like ""i dont know why he would do this"" or ""how could he leave us"". well the answer is easy to understand even though he didnt leave a note. and its usually the same for those of us who are suicidal. people are struggling with mental health and there is no cure. people think of depression as this minor thing but it and other mental health disorders are debilitating. there are not enough resources and understanding of what individuals are going through. i have been on many medications in 6 years and i am finally on a dose that keeps me 'stable' but i take 7 perscription a day (10 individual pills). i still feel suicidal not in a crisis type of way but a general desire to just leave because it doesnt seem like having the rest of my life (im 24) be filled with perscriptions and bouts of crisis moments. i also feel i should not force myself to feel guilty for what others feel in result of my actions if i wanted to die. people dont shame cancer patients for not getting treatment if thats what they want. just like different stages of cancer people have little symptoms of their mental disorders or they have debilitating symptoms that they cant handle. and again there is no cure just treatment for symptoms. i have happy moments but living a life like this is not what i want. i dont want to feel the way i do. on or off my medications. i just want to be able to choose without being treated like its not up to me.",-0.9607,negative,neutral 2368,depressed,struggle with death,listener_1,2,Wow. Same. Except. I juat want to move to a place where none of the people i know will be able to find me and wont be able to contact me. I wanna move to a place where all of my worries wont follow me.,0.3182,positive,lonely 2368,depressed,struggle with death,speaker,3,i have tried running from my problems only to find they are mostly in my head,-0.4019,negative,neutral 2368,depressed,struggle with death,listener_1,4,"Well. The problems in our heads most of the time come from a physical thing that we may have experienced. For example, someomes best friend dying at a very young age against his will. This can cause a person to have mental pain for losing that friend. And it may not matter where you go, the thought of him or her gone is not going to leave. But by moving away from the place, the constant reminders that take place by being at the place of death stops.",-0.6871,negative,sad 2369,depressed,Well now what...,speaker,1,"Recently had a dispute I guess with a guy in my group of friends. I’m not very good socially and couldn’t really read how he was feeling or what the best thing was to do. In the back of my mind I was upset that I might have caused them to be pissed off enough to want me gone. My friend has talked to them and says that they want to talk it out but despite how close I am to all of them I just don’t feel that I can really fix this by talking even though I know it’s probably all my fault. It’s been a week now and I’ve not spoken to any of the group and vice versa. I want to fix it if it can go back to what it was but I just feel upset over the whole thing and sick to the stomach if I try. Would it even be the same afterwards because this cane completely out of the blue for me, I guess I don’t know what they are thinking which I find really hard to deal with because of previous trust issues in general. I don’t know if how I have acted is right or if I’m just being really stupid and overreacting because not taking to them feels wrong but I don’t think I can really talk to them and go back. The problem in facing is without them I only really have one person that I talk to, I have “friends” but it always feels like they aren’t really approachable, I guess that’s me being antisocial and intruding because I only really consider myself to have 1 real friend, everyone else is just people I know better and talk to more. It’s kind of lonely and boring because I don’t really know what to do with myself when my friend is away. Anyone else gone through this? How did you resolve/get over it?",-0.867,negative,apprehensive 2369,depressed,Well now what...,listener_1,2,"Sorry I can’t help you, I haven’t really been through this, I upvoted your post thought, so maybe someone else knows an answer.",0.34,positive,sympathizing 2369,depressed,Well now what...,speaker,3,"Basically I’m usually bad at remembering to do things like message people and the one I fell out with I generally try to message at least twice a week, I had sent them a message just asking how they were and got a message back from them where they were really pissed of because of like how I act with them i don’t really fully understand I’m not going to lie but it was basically that they were pissed off over how I had acted and thought that anything I said was a lie and that I was being rude and selfish. I honestly haven’t tried to be in any way I’m just really not good at reading people or situations, I tried to explain that I wasn’t trying to piss them off and that I was sorry but it just made it worse. Later in the day my friend went and talked to them then tried to get me to talk to them but even the idea of it makes me stressed and feel sick so I couldn’t talk to them. My friend said that everything was fine and they just wanted to talk but I honestly can’t believe everything is just fine like that. It’s been almost a week and I’ve not said a word to anyone in the group and quite frankly I’ve been separate from my friend because I didn’t want him to talk to them over it because I don’t want him involved as it’s not to do with him and if he really is going to be the last person I talk to I don’t want to have a fight over something that isn’t actually his fault or is even remotely to do with him. I’ve been kind of avoiding the whole group just due to a sheer lack of knowledge of what any of them are thinking because I don’t know what’s been said whilst I’ve been away but I read a few group chat messages and it just seems like they have moved on without me, I don’t know if I just accept my losses and move on or what but it’s just been really making me down the whole week because I’m lost for stuff to do because I would usually spend the whole day with them, now I’m just aimlessly opening and closing social media games and YouTube because nothing is interesting but how else am I going to pass the time.",-0.9718,negative,neutral 2369,depressed,Well now what...,listener_2,4,"Okay this isn't gonna be good advice, I really don't have an answer to the problem. But I would try to be as communicative as possible directly to the person you fell out with, personally I don't think it's anyone else's businesses except maybe the friend that is in a sense just a proxy for you. It's not bad and totally understandable under the circumstances, but it reminds me of the old chinese whisper game so some of what you say might be miscommunicated you know? I would talk to the person in the group you fell out with to begin with, it'll be hard as fuck but I have no other ideas. Say what you said here, that you felt like they were pissed off at you for how you acted, that you felt the group was against you or at least not helping. Try asking what it was exactly and see if you can work it out just between the two of you. Maybe the group will just follow along. I really don't know what I'm talking about lol so take this with a handful of salt",-0.5204,negative,suggesting 2369,depressed,Well now what...,speaker,5,"Yea I get what you mean, it’s kind of why I haven’t done anything yet because I don’t really know what’s been said and what had been said prior to the group. I mean most of us on Reddit can fall into the antisocial social club but when there’s a social people problem it’s like looking at a foreign culture. Thanks for the help anyway.",0.7964,positive,agreeing 2369,depressed,Well now what...,listener_2,6,"You don't know whats been said, so try not to worry that it's all negative. Maybe they're worried about you and trying to give you some space. I dunno. But I get what you're saying about looking at something that you don't understand, it's natural to be scared of the unknown. Hope it gets better for you though",-0.016,neutral,consoling 2370,depressed,Am i delusional? Or just reading too many philosophy books. My shrink thinks im delusional,speaker,1,"If i can only figure out where to begin and also concisely convey whats making my mind reel then maybe i wouldnt seem so nihilistic about my views. I think a lot about random things and it all always ends kinda negatively. I had a convo with my mom (im 25 f, shes 45) about having kids of my own (im not married) and id end up saying ""i cant have a kid in this day and age, itd be hard! I mean what if s/he wants an ipad? And i dont want to give her/him one coz s/he'll be like all those other kids glued to one with no social skills except expressing their tantrums"" so my mom says ""dont give the kid one"" and i retort ""but all her/his friends in school will have one and talk about it blah blah blah"" Another example is how we're doomed. We, as a whole, from the beginning of human existence to today, have poisoned our water (pollution etc) and even our blood (std, aids, etc) even our minds (endless time on the internet doing dumb shit like fucking instagram worrying about likes and if the right fucking hashtags are used, 12 year old ""influencers"" looking for sugar daddies etc ugh idek) Maybe im just a negative nancy but i have all these thoughts that just end badly. I think people change, yes, but for the worst. Even if i die i think no one who knew me or cared about me is gunna change to be better. I dont believe it. Is this a delusion? Am i delusional? Delusions are a symptom of psychosis right? Am i just being psychotic right now? I think my shrink thinks so. Im back on meds after being stable for a few months and my doc says ""dont blame yourself, its the chemical imbalance in your brain. Thats what bipolar and bpd is, its all a chemical imbalance. Nothing some meds and therapy will fix"" and im like ""but yeah whats the fun in living my stable days knowing im gunna get knocked back to the bottom again? If stability is just temporary and the only constant is my stupid brain making me depressed then would i still wanna live my life being depressed most of the time?"" I think about the absurdity of life. Of Camus, Hamlet, Tod Andrews in John Barth's The Floating Opera and various Russian characters in Dostoyevsky's works that commit suicide. Gregor Samsa who, as a beetle, starved himself to death... I think of the Übermensch and how ""god is dead"" and i wonder if i really am delusional or is it everybody else? Maybe im just lonely and want to talk about these feelings with somebody but im worried about what they'll think of me. Or not give me any credit coz im ""clinically depressed"" or just not get it. Somebody please tell me they think this way too, im going crazy thinking its just me its just me.",-0.9962,negative,apprehensive 2370,depressed,Am i delusional? Or just reading too many philosophy books. My shrink thinks im delusional,listener_1,2,"Lots of people think this way. But it becomes a problem when you become overwhelmed by negative thoughts. Paying attention to what’s bad in the world is the first step in fixing problems, but if you try and focus on everything, you’re going to freeze and never accomplish anything. Do you need some kind of higher purpose or directive? I’m aware of climate change, torture, exploitation, etc. But I don’t let it get me down because my self made purpose is the enjoy life, not look for some big answer. This doesn’t mean I don’t try and make the world better, it means that I’m not aiming for perfection, I’m not trying to cover every base. Your example with the kid and the iPad makes me think you try to account for every contingency. Life gets a lot easier when you realize how little of it you really have control over. For some people, that’s freeing, for others it’s frightening. You’re not alone, but thinking this way can be isolating. Final thought, why do you eat when you know you’re just going to get hungry again? Because it hurts when you don’t eat, eating is stimulating and fun, and you need to eat to survive. So as far as treatment goes, think of it like eating or bathing. Many people’s brains automatically “medicate” with the proper chemicals. Yours just requires a conscious choice.",-0.8688,negative,sad 2370,depressed,Am i delusional? Or just reading too many philosophy books. My shrink thinks im delusional,speaker,3,"Definitely right about the paying attention to the world to fix problems. I get that. I just cant help but feel like if i feel this way and if i try to do something about it, how big of a change can i make? Will i be like those half-assed people professing change online and not doing anything else? I do need a directive for sure. For awhile it was my ""art"". I did it as a job, had shows, exhibits, sold someshit and what not but now even that doesnt fulfill me. I know i dont have to be an absolutely good person (yknow, recycles, zero waste, adopts babies, starts a feeding program, volunteers and all those other noble acts for noble causes) but i can do a smol good thing and make that smol impact that will domino effect into people wanting to make a certain change too. I really get it. Its the conscious effort im having a hard time with. My shrink told me about mindfulness but having a hard time grasping that.",0.9683,positive,apprehensive 2371,depressed,Please help,speaker,1,"I need help, desperately. I can’t afford professional help, and I’ve reached out to friends but they’re not able to help me. I feel so irrelevant and unimportant. I’m everyone’s last choice. My dad has never really been proud of me, and is more concerned with raising my brother. My friends have more important relationships. No one has time to worry about me. I can’t even distract myself with the little things I used to. I don’t want to die I really don’t but I feel like I’ll never mean anything to anyone and I can’t fucking take being in my own head anymore please someone tell me what to do. I don’t know how much longer I can be like this.",-0.7374,negative,lonely 2371,depressed,Please help,listener_1,2,"you have let your thoughts overtake your mind. i'd suggest first taking deep breaths for today atleast. and listening to some calm meditation music. lofi is good. After you've done that, you dont need to worry about being relevant in other people's lives. Try being relevant in your life first. its what matters the most right now. as a song lyric once said: ""How am i supposed to love you when i dont love who i am..."" you need to love or atleast like the person you are inside of. Then you can decide what you want to change about yourself and how you would do it.",0.9386,positive,sad 2371,depressed,Please help,speaker,3,"I do like myself. I enjoy being around myself when I’m not in this mindframe. I just don’t understand why no one else does. I’m always there for my friends when they need anything but as soon as I open up no one can help me, or they have other issues and can’t deal with mine. I just want someone to put me first even once.",0.6705,positive,lonely 2371,depressed,Please help,listener_1,4,"i see your problem. i was the same. you are currently giving more attention to your friends than they need and are expecting something back. you need to divide your attention to something else too. its not just friends in this world, there are many other things that you can give your attention to, such as your physical and mental health.",0.0634,positive,agreeing 2372,depressed,Been depressed for 2/3 years..,speaker,1,"So some people dont know why they are depressed but some do (including me)..Long story short a few years ago I used to weigh 120 pounds or less and that was due to finding a sport that I enjoyed which was walking. I used to do that everyday getting out of the house and feeling good about myself. Till when I got an ankle fracture in left foot and recently sore big bottom toe on right foot..So I decided to start lifting weights like 3 years ago which is okay but not the same, so like most people I got told that I have to eat more to build muscle so now I weigh 140 pounds and feel like crap. I also do cycle from point a to b but dont enjoy it as much so only go on it when I have to and dont swim because Im ashamed of my body image.. So yeah I basically just lift weights for an hr and cycle for 40mins per day and cant seem to get back down to 120 pounds anymore.. Some of yall might think this is silly being depressed about body image. But when your sitting about the house everyday and constantly feeling like your getting fat and cant go out walking everyday is really bringing me down and dont know what to do..",0.8852,positive,proud 2372,depressed,Been depressed for 2/3 years..,listener_1,2,"try home exercises. things you can do at home. instead of going out you can do things inside. i know it wont have the same fun as going outside and enjoying, but give it a try. if you dont like it and maybe think are forcing yourself into doing it then don't do it.",0.1742,positive,suggesting 2372,depressed,Been depressed for 2/3 years..,listener_2,3,"I've never found the BMI helpful, like I'm on the border between underweight and severely-underweight, yet I've gone up 4 inches in waist size and have just blubber on my stomach, I look like a skinny-fat fuck. My doc keeps telling me to eat more but I don't wanna put on more weight, doesn't make any sense to me... I walk 30-50 mins daily, juggle/unicycle for 2-3 hours every other day but still can't get rid of my gut and it's been years now like OP",0.6597,positive,annoyed 2372,depressed,Been depressed for 2/3 years..,listener_1,4,"Walking, although a good exercise, is not enough to get rid of belly fat or any other type of fat that easily. You may possibly need some other type of exercise. Maybe try sports which requirs a lot of movement. I am not saying try soccer or football. You can try badminton or those type of sports. The reason you may not be losing weight is because you are eating and all that energy you've built up is turning into fat rather than being used. You reduce fat by walking but build it back up by eating. Possibly try after food sports.",0.5848,positive,suggesting 2372,depressed,Been depressed for 2/3 years..,listener_2,5,"Sorry I probably misstated the amount of exercise I'm doing. I unicycle while juggling 3x 1kg balls for 15-20 mins, break and repeat for 2-3 hours literally dripping sweat. The ""break"" is using the diablo, devil-stick and/or contact juggling for 5-10 mins, but I've only been doing that intensity for a month now that I think about it. I love tennis and badminton so I should probably get back into that. Even then I was borderline severely underweight. Just sayin' the BMI isn't a certainty. You can have a lot of muscle and still be underweight. But thanks for giving me a chance to reflect on what and how long I've been doing what I'm doing, I'll try to keep it up and get back into tennis/badminton :) Enough about me back to the OP lol, maybe try finding a sports partner. They can help motivate you and play stuff like the above (tennis/badminton etc). Also if your on any meds like mirtazapine or quetiapine that can hinder weight loss IME, I've heard working out before eating can help too since it uses up the fat in your body rather than whatever you just ate, your body adjusts after a time and starts using the fat built up. That's all I can think of....",0.9881,positive,embarrassed 2373,depressed,.......,speaker,1,"I really want to die, like honestly i do. I just want to be at peace. Im considering overdosing right now. The only reason i dont want to die is because of my beautiful girlfriend. I love her so much and i dont want to cause her any pain by me killing myself. But at the same time nobody deserves to have to put up with me.",0.6014,positive,sentimental 2373,depressed,.......,listener_1,2,"If someone is in love with you,you probably not that bad of a person as you think you are. I felt the same some time ago,wanting to kill myself and end the pain.But it does get better,honestly (talking from experience). Please share with us your feeling,we will listen. You can kill yourself later,leave for later.Please,do it for,for the stranger from internet.",0.0387,neutral,trusting 2373,depressed,.......,listener_2,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,1,I told him basically everything that describes anhedonia. also how I been get out of depression cuz nothing please me no more I also told him about my OCD problems so they gave me Zoloft. My question How is everybody's experience in Zoloft and is there any bad side effects I should watch out for? I just want to be happy again.,-0.7162,negative,content 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_1,2,"Everyone reacts differently and you will feel the most severe if any side effects the first couple of weeks. I took it and I remember my stomach would feel funny, not quite nausea, but similar. I also could have sex forever but impossible to orgasm. Right now I take wellbutrin XL max dosage with small dose of Lexapro. And that is working but also learning to control your negative intrusive thoughts is the real medicine. Purchase the workbook dialectical behavior therapy. DBT is fantastic and fun to experience.",0.649,positive,prepared 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,3,I have very negative intrusive thoughts. Will it help that as well?,-0.0498,neutral,apprehensive 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_1,4,Dude most definitely! https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Skills-Workbook/dp/1572245131/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=dialectical+behavior+therapy&qid=1565054115&s=gateway&sr=8-3 Order it. Do the exercises even if they feel dumb or pointless. Remember you can't fix yourself by yourself. Your brain is like a muscle you have mental abilities that you can strengthen that once unlocked and trained you will be able to zap away intrusive thoughts automatically. The other aspect is most important is radical acceptance. This right here is the key. You will learn a lot about radical acceptance.,0.9166,positive,agreeing 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,5,Now that scares me,-0.34,negative,acknowledging 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_2,6,I have a heart condition so I couldn't take the stimulant-like properties so you're probably good.,0.8107,positive,acknowledging 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,7,What kind of condition?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_2,8,"Tetralogy of Fallot, had two holes in my heart. I need another surgery soon so there's that.",0.6369,positive,devastated 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,9,Wow I hope you the best of luck in your surgery.,0.9313,positive,consoling 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_2,10,"thanks, appreciate it. take care!",0.8439,positive,acknowledging 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,speaker,11,Sounds good,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_3,12,What meds are you on for anxiety and ADD?,-0.1779,negative,questioning 2374,depressed,Prescribed me Zoloft today. What was your experience?,listener_4,13,"I’m on Zoloft 100mg and Adderrall XR 10mg, but like I said, everyone is different. I tried vyvanse instead of adderall and I hated it, but lots of other people think it works way better. At the end of the day, you just have to figure out what’s best for you",0.7964,positive,neutral 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,speaker,1,I was hoping to make this post in regard to how to change my depression. but i feel as there is more to my issue and id like to know how everyone deals/struggles with this. i have found going into a solo ride of being alone hasnt worked out for a few years. I have anxiety but I play it off as cool and I havnt been in a relationship for a long period of time I feel I am at a ground zero point but not really sure how to approach my friends or anyone I care about. Im feeling like the stress and pressure has popped and I cant control any of it &#x200B; feel free to share your own stories or worries &#x200B; it could help me ;/ sorry if i rambled,0.9445,positive,lonely 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,listener_1,2,The only way I can cope with my depression is smoking and crying. I’m so alone and isolated so have no friends to talk and they don’t really care and ik I be better off day because I’m a nuisance to everyone who knows me. Death is just easy and better than being alive and alone,-0.6489,negative,lonely 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,speaker,3,If i may as are you a dude or a girl? what relationship advice do you have for someone whos given up ;/,0.0,neutral,questioning 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,listener_1,4,I’m a dude and idk bc I’m single never been ina relationship so can’t help u sorry,0.3134,positive,sympathizing 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,speaker,5,>;/ k,0.0,neutral,neutral 2375,depressed,A serious question for younger people struggling with life/relationships depression.,speaker,6,if only dating was simple ;/,0.0,neutral,neutral 2376,depressed,Just Tired,speaker,1,"Hello people of Reddit I'm new to this site, but I've been so tired and lonely lately so I'm hoping to make some friends, and get my mind off of everything for a while.",-0.1255,negative,hopeful 2376,depressed,Just Tired,listener_1,2,Hey. How you doing?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2376,depressed,Just Tired,speaker,3,"Hey. I'm alright, how are you?",0.25,positive,questioning 2376,depressed,Just Tired,speaker,4,"Hey, not much, wby?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2376,depressed,Just Tired,speaker,5,Hello!,0.0,neutral,wishing 2376,depressed,Just Tired,listener_1,6,I'm good.,0.4404,positive,content 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,speaker,1,"Everytime I begin to have good luck, it just gets destroyed, or somethinf worse comes up behind it, it's been like this especailly this month. I bought a new car, wanting to spoil myself- it broke down. Okay...I'll just use my old one and wait until it's fixed. My old one breaks down. I have college coming up again, turns out I may not recieve any financial aid at all, and make ""too much"" money for all scholarships/ grants I can find. My mom is sick, and needs a double hysterectomy, soon. I got offered a chance to be in my first major art gallery, but I can't afford the fees. It goes on. The worst thing that can happen now is that I have to keep living. I'm tired of feeling like the longer I live, the worse things get.",-0.9136,negative,disappointed 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,listener_1,2,Try music and memes... Always helps a little bit.,0.3818,positive,acknowledging 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,speaker,3,"I will, thank you",0.3612,positive,wishing 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,listener_1,4,"If you ever want to talk, hit me up",0.0772,positive,questioning 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,speaker,5,Thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,speaker,6,"Thank you, me too",0.3612,positive,agreeing 2377,depressed,I genuinly don't know how to enjoy life right now,speaker,7,"I've always struggled with depression, but damn does my current situation make it so much harder to push through. I may end up doing that, hopefully things work out, and the damage to my old car will be cheaper than the worth of the new one. Some good news, during the informational call, they emailed me two free tickets, since I wasn't going to be able to be a part of the gallery, which was kinda nice. I'm trying to take it as a victory. My mom is such a strong and wonderful person, I don't think I could ever leave her, even if I don't want to be here anymore. Art has helped me out of a lot of tight spots, I hope that continues. Thank you for the kind words and encouragement, I appreciate it",0.9886,positive,grateful 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,speaker,1,"Life's been good recently and I like to log it all down so when I feel bad I can look back at the positives. Can I keep just posting random stuff that feels like an achievement? I feel like I'm just looking for approval and am not sure if it helps others or just me...I don't wanna be like ""Hey I'm doing all this stuff and you're doing nothing"" coz I've been there and I'll be back there, I don't have any bad intent though. Just looking for the positives in a negative world. Anyway I started unicycling again the past few weeks, just up and down the road at night clinging to the wall lol. Someone was putting their rubbish out tonight and said ""Wow that looks good keep it up!"". It made my day. I'm thinking of going to and from the pharmacy (I have a daily script to pickup) with it if I can get good enough. Then maybe take some other circus stuff and start a club in my area (there isn't one right now). Maybe I could even film some of it and put it on youtube! That'd be nice. Did anyone else have anything that made them feel good recently? (or any time really)",0.9855,positive,ashamed 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,listener_1,2,I’m 17 and going through a real rough patch. I don’t feel happy at all. I’m known as my school comedian and people always think of me as the funny kid. Because of this they never know how I actually feel. Tbh my cat is the only thing getting me through this,0.8481,positive,sad 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,speaker,3,"Pets are good, I don't have any but theres like 3 cats nearby me and one always wants a stroke lol Being funny can be helpful, but I get what you're saying coz eventually no-one knows if what you're saying is just a joke or not. Is there anyone you can be totally honest and upfront with?",0.9754,positive,questioning 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,speaker,4,Thank you! Apparently I can't post videos in this sub but when I get round to it I'll just do it on another sub :),0.722,positive,sympathizing 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,speaker,5,Got it thanks! If I ever get round to it I'll post videos there not here :),0.1808,positive,acknowledging 2378,depressed,Can I keep a running log of posts of things that I've achieved and make me feel good? Or is that selfish?,listener_1,6,Depends. I feel like there isn’t really... I don’t think they would take me seriously. Thanks for showing concern,0.5719,positive,trusting 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,1,"The normal distractions aren't working anymore and I have no will or desire to be alive. I feel like i don't commit out of sheer laziness. For reference, every day is a kick in the balls. For every one thing that goes right, at least two go wrong. Because of an overly controlling mom, I'm 24 with a fear driving (never got my license nor do i have experience behind the wheel and everyone keeps pressuring me to get it without any intention of making it easy) I have an inferiority complex of some kind and have bouts of panic, anxiety, depression-esque symptoms. I barely eat and sleep even less and on top of all of that the girl that I was with and i broke it off with intentions of ""being friends"" and that lasted a couple weeks until today when she just decided that it wasn't good enough. Blocked my number, blocked me on Facebook. She was the only anchor i had in this world and now shes gone and I'm drifting hopelessly again like i was before I met her. Every day is a struggle just to make it through and get by. How do you all do it? How do i find my will?",-0.9282,negative,ashamed 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,2,I'm sorry to hear about your depression. Do you remember what first caused it?,-0.6124,negative,sympathizing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,3,"I'm planning on telling my doctor, i am. But I can't find a way there between work and sleeping",0.0,neutral,ashamed 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,4,Unfortunately i don't. I know that i have been fighting it for a while though,-0.5994,negative,agreeing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,5,How much is a whille? Since childhood or just recently?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,6,At least five years that I'm aware of,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,7,Do you remember what was happening at the begining of those 5 years that may have had an impact on your thought process,0.0,neutral,questioning 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,8,I just know that one day i didn't feel right. And then i tried to open my wrist because my mom wanted to start yelling about me not doing well on a test because i got a b.,-0.2057,negative,anxious 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,9,That sounds gruesome im so sorry. Hor have your parents handled your suicidal thoughts?,-0.7384,negative,sympathizing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,10,"That day mom had me bakeracted for a week, and from there it just spiralled down. Dad had left prior to this point so he didn't know. But they don't know that I have tried multiple times and succeeded twice.",0.5719,positive,ashamed 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,11,Im sorry about all of this of course. Im not sure what baker act is can you explain what happened?,-0.3098,negative,sympathizing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,12,"Basically, she had me put in the psych wing of a juvie hall against my will until they seemed i was safe for myself Because i answered the questions right.",0.4404,positive,trusting 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,13,That sounds scary. I can clearly see why youre depressed. How long were you in there for if you dont mind answering?,-0.5859,negative,acknowledging 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,14,A week i think. It was hard to keep track of days in there,-0.1027,negative,neutral 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,15,Im sorry about that. Are you still in contact with your parents?,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,16,I just moved in with my dad three years ago after a bad breakup (that didn't help) and my mom i talk to occasionally,-0.6964,negative,caring 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,17,I see. From what you told me your parents havent done much to help you when you needed them most. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't but what is the reason for you staying in contact with these people? Thanks for the chat by the way I hope its helpful.,0.9224,positive,acknowledging 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,18,"I think it is helpful :) And because they're family, you know? You don't turn your back on family. Especially when everyone else has turned their on me",0.7003,positive,agreeing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,19,I understand that they're family. Can you list any positive virtues that your parents have that makes them a positive influence in your life?,0.8658,positive,questioning 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,20,"All of my positives come from them. Work ethic, tenacity, patience, compassion, basically (as boastful as it sounds) people have always commented on or felt the need to point traits like that that I have. And I honestly got it all from them. Just by doing the opposite of what my mom did or doing what my dad did to other people, and showing them they matter",0.9001,positive,proud 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,21,"Correct me if im wrong of course but you mentioned that your mother was controlling, yells at you and sent you to a psychiatric facility against you will. I don't qualify these as compssionate.",-0.2617,negative,neutral 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,22,I learned my compassion through her lack of such,0.1779,positive,caring 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,23,Is it true that you are financially dependent on your parents?,0.4215,positive,questioning 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,24,"Partially. Like I said, i live with my dad. But i don't get paid enough to save up to move. At least i was trying to get a place with my girlfriend, but that idea's a fart in the wind now",0.7227,positive,lonely 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,25,You have many reasons to be depressed and outraged. Consider the possibility that you might be in a destructive relationship. I would argue that your parents failed to help you understand your emotions and acted cruely when they helped put you in that ward. I may be wrong of course. What do your parents say when you talk about this stuff with them?,-0.9509,negative,devastated 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,26,"I don't talk to them about it. At all. Every time i try to, i feel like a disappointment to them",-0.2023,negative,ashamed 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,27,Sorry I thought your parents were compassionate? Do you feel like a disappointment when talking to me? I think this is a great conversation and im enjoying it very much.,0.8738,positive,sympathizing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,28,"Ironically, it's easier to talk to you/other strangers. And remember, i learned to be compassionate because my mom was unforgiving",0.7184,positive,neutral 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,29,"It's not ironic. I wasn't part of putting you in a mental institution against you will. This may not have us part as friends but this is what I think. I think that we all need compassionate and empathetic people is our lives. Having abusive or neglectful people in our environment is detrimental to our mental health. If you think your parents are loving then I recommend voicing your concerns about how they treated you and how their actions might have contributed to your depression. If not, then realize that you might be depressed because you are still in contact with people who aren't empathetic or curious enough to understand your emotions. I'm not telling you what to do but this is my perspecive. Does this make any sense?",-0.7873,negative,trusting 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,30,That does make a lot of sense. I'm trying to work on it though,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,listener_1,31,I enjoyed the chat and appreciated your honesty. Take care.,0.9186,positive,wishing 2379,depressed,How do you manage?,speaker,32,You too man,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,speaker,1,"Hey y'all. I guess this sounds a bit cliche, but I just don't know where to start. I also apologize in advance; this may be a jumble of mess without any kind of structure. And also for the copious amount of *italics* usage. Thanks. A few months ago I had a dream. I *knew* that this was my subconscious telling me that everything *isn't* fine and to stop ignoring it, to finally do something about it. I feel worthless. People are doing so much better around me. Kids my age are doing volunteer work, they're providing for the family, studying, bettering themselves and the world in general... I'm just here sitting in my room watching YouTube, browsing Reddit, and typing to strangers online. What am I doing with my life? Everything and everyone is going and flying right by me. I haven't any plans, and the plans that I *do* have are just too far to reach. I'd love to become a musician, but I can't see myself writing any good songs. I'd love to draw as well, but I can't seem to get myself to start. Protecting the environment is also very important to me, but I feel like anything I do would be too minuscule to help, or when pursing a career, I'd just turn everything sideways. I honestly feel that I'd f everything up if I did *anything.* School isn't much help either. I haven't any counselors or faculty that really cared about us. They all seem dead inside, and maybe they are and I can't blame them for that. But I seriously can't talk to anybody about anything. And the ones that do, my classmates just take advantage of their relaxed personality. It ruins the experience for everyone and breaks my heart knowing that they have to deal with these bratty teenagers 180 days a year. So I don't have anyone to talk to, I have only got one IRL close friend, I've known him for five years and I still don't feel comfortable opening up to him. I thought my Discord was a safe place, but now they're just arguing and arguing constantly. I've started to distance myself from since I can't join VC or chat without their negativity transferring over to me. I can't even work up the courage to talk to my mother or sister about this. I don't know if they'll get me, reaching for them all suddenly like this. Sure, they'll try to cheer me up but I know that it isn't going to help. *Nothing* really cheers me up right now. I just don't feel comfortable talking about this to *anyone,* except y'all online. Maybe it's because I don't feel that my feelings are *valid.* The worst thing that I want to hear is that ""This is normal."" ""It's just a phase."" ""You'll get over it."" I'm just afraid that I'm wasting everyone's time with nonsense. I *want* to cry. I want to let it out. I want to let it all out. I just want to feel *something* other than nothing, anger, or disappointment... but nothing's coming. I guess I've gotten too used to bottling everything up.",0.9846,positive,sympathizing 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,listener_1,2,"Hey buddy, I can tell you, that you're not alone. I feel you so much. Sometimes you think you're alone with this feelings and thougths but you can be sure that you're not! In my case it's a bit different, but in fact i have the same problem. I'm studying but I have no idea what to do after this or if it was the right choice. And I'm also sitting the whole day in front of my computer for Youtube, Netflix or Videogames. I also smoked weed every day for years to not think about my situation or feelings or the future and of course also because I enjoyed it. But I can tell you, that you just made the first step to realize/admit that you have a problem. I know it's incredibly hard but you have to talk to someone, because if you don't it's only getting worse. I waited for months, lost a lot of weight because of the stress inside me and cried a lot, and still do it. Try to talk to your parents or at least to a person you trust and say them, how you feel, about your fears and thougths. And tell them also that you want to go to a psychologist. They are here to listen to your problems and help you to get over it. To me you seem like a very good, crative and intelligent person, who thinks about deeper things of the world or the life and maybe that makes you feel this pain. But when you get over this phase (and yes, if you go to search for help, it will be just a phase) you will realize how unique and beautiful you are. There are so many bots in this world. They don't care about our planet or something else but themselves. Be proud, that you have a head to think about deeper things. And sometimes that means to have a depression or being hopeless or have the feeling that you can't change anything. I send you a hug and remember: never give up you creative, good and intelligent person!",0.9161,positive,lonely 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,speaker,3,Thanks for the kind words man,0.743,positive,grateful 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,speaker,4,?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,listener_1,5,My ass wrote that i guess^^ How was your day?,-0.5423,negative,questioning 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,speaker,6,"It's average, just a normal Wednesday. How about you?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2380,depressed,I haven't got any direction,listener_1,7,"Pretty much the same. But hey, if you need to talk just write. I would like to help you if I can :)",0.9169,positive,acknowledging 2381,depressed,what is with my mom?!,speaker,1,"i was drawing today and my mom asked me to have a piece of medium rare steak. i declined and she got all offended ranting about “you need iron for your body” and “you need to try new things” i then asked to just have it well done, and she says “STOP ARGUING!!” then she offered some to my brother. and he declined too. then my mom laughs instead of what she did to me. i’m convinced my mom just hates me",0.5696,positive,annoyed 2381,depressed,what is with my mom?!,listener_1,2,"I would assume she laughed because of how ignorant she was thinking she can change your thinking with that reasoning. In other words she knew the result but tried to force another outcome, when your brother also declined she laughed at her own thinking.",0.6652,positive,surprised 2381,depressed,what is with my mom?!,speaker,3,younger,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2382,depressed,Cheers to anyone drinking on their own tonight,speaker,1,We can get back to healthy coping mechanisms tomorrow,0.4019,positive,consoling 2382,depressed,Cheers to anyone drinking on their own tonight,listener_1,2,To tomorrow!,0.0,neutral,wishing 2382,depressed,Cheers to anyone drinking on their own tonight,speaker,3,🍻,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",speaker,1,"I've thought about this every night, and came up with some creative things. Like, you know, dying from natural causes, getting murdered in your sleep, a fire starting and you not waking up, your house flooding and you drowning, or... well... I've imagined people finding my razor and just cutting me to shreds with it. I'd be numb the whole time, I wouldn't know that I was dead, I wouldn't know how, and I wouldn't ever want to know how. As long as I'm dead, I'm good. Please tell me this is something normal. If not, then I'm probably mentally unstable which I'm not surprised at. Bye y'all, time to rest my head on my pillow and let these thoughts go on and on.",-0.8586,negative,terrified 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_1,2,"I sometimes think about how nice it would be if there was a fire or a gas leak and I just never woke up, lol",-0.5158,negative,suggesting 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_2,3,"This is a sign of depression and in this case it's kind of normal I guess. You're not alone with this thoughts, but you may need to go to a psychologist. They can help you realize what's your problem and how you get over it. But always remember the good things in life and what makes you happy. I know thats easy to say, I have the same struggle but its a little thing you can do. Wish you the best of luck buddy and don't give up!",0.9763,positive,wishing 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",speaker,4,"Yup, same here lol",0.4215,positive,agreeing 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_1,5,"It's pretty common for people who are depressed to have fantasies about dying without committing suicide, it's a form of escapism.",0.5053,positive,neutral 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_1,6,It's funny you think I can afford a psychologist.,0.4404,positive,surprised 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_3,7,Same tbh,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2383,depressed,"Anyone else feel like, whenever they put their head down on a pillow, they immediately think of the ways you can die in your sleep?",listener_2,8,I'm sorry to hear that. A little thing you can do is to allow you everyday to do 2 or 3 things that make you happy or you enjoy to do. It's not easy when you're down but it makes you feel a bit better. So you can think about these things when you're in bed.,0.7843,positive,sympathizing 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,1,"2 weeks ago (yeah I knows it’s not long but uhh) my boyfriend broke up with me and he was really the only person I talked to, other than this guy but he’s so touchy and invades my boundaries I don’t feel comfortable around him. My actual best friend moved (for the better due to abusive parents) and so I have no one. My ex gave me lots of motivation and a reason to keep going as dumb as it sounds. I get pretty discouraged quickly and hella unmotivated.The majority of my time was with my ex and now I don’t know what to do, I just wanna disappear or not exist for awhile. I’ve never been so happy with someone and it’s gonna be hard to move on, let alone meet new people that actually genuinely interest me. Really all I think about is how I wish I could go back and relive those times, and the other half of me has intrusive thoughts. Every so now and then I think of how I’d kill myself ( I really would never go through with it just thinking of my family). All I do is get my hopes up and then ending up getting disappointed. Really my ex boyfriend was the only non-monotonous thing in my life now I’m back to this monotonous life style.I get bored really easily and so it leads to intrusive thoughts and so on. I just feel so empty nothing has been able to really make me feel whole other than buying things. Everyone around me has their shit together and I’m just stuck in the same situation again and can’t help but feel hopeless. Thanks for coming to my ted talk TLDR: to sum it up same shit happens again someone I love loses interest in me and now I’m back to the same schedule: wake up, eat, work,sleep .",0.7357,positive,lonely 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_1,2,"Wake up, eat, work and sleep is alot of our lives. Its a routine, doesn't necessarily mean you should be down about it. Your life has a speed bump with the break up, but its still new and you will need time to over around it. Try and do an activity that changes up your routine (no shopping) even if its not the most exciting.",-0.5814,negative,content 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,3,"For reference he was really my first relationship I ever considered a relationship romantically, so all of this is new to me. Idk everyone I “dated” I was more so infatuated with and was like never mind I don’t like them like that :(",0.7884,positive,neutral 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_1,4,"Infatuation is common, and when it wears off the down can cause you to have the ""I don't like them like that"" feeling, but it can still develop. I would perhaps, when you are ready for another relationship, try let the attraction grow and don't get caught up in the infatuation....although probably easier said then done ;)",0.9143,positive,suggesting 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,5,"Thing is whenever I get comfortable enough to date again, I don’t like dating apps I just hate the whole concept and it makes me more insecure, so I have no clue how I’m going to find someone :) thanks for the honesty",0.6852,positive,apprehensive 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_1,6,"While I have never used them, I see from the women around me that use them, that most of the men are not serious so I understand your hesitation. Are you still in school? do you work? have hobbies? There are many natural places you can met somebody other then a dating app, for example I met my wife through work.",0.2874,positive,agreeing 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,7,"I do work which helps distract me, but it’s a craft store so really only older people come there. I just find it hard to approach someone as well if I’m interested in being their friend cause it could come off in a weird and off putting way?",0.8422,positive,apprehensive 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_1,8,"As male....I can tell you most of us are more scared to talk to you, then you are to us. And some of us \*cough\* myself included \*cough\* are horrible at picking up signals. I think every girl I ever dated or had relations with had to make the first move. Not making the attempt means not having the opportunity.",-0.8412,negative,afraid 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,9,"I guess I more afraid of rejection, I mean I’ll eventually accept it but i guess it also contributes to my insecurity and fear of never being good enough",-0.9134,negative,afraid 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_1,10,"Rejection can be tough, but its a wound that will heal. And when you are back in a relationship, it will be forgotten. You are already good enough. Never liked that. You are who you are. Somebody else has to accept that, and you have to accept that they are who they are. Its never about being good enough for somebody. Be happy with who are.",0.7746,positive,content 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),speaker,11,"I meant to actually say instead of “people having their shit together” I really meant like they seem to move on from things and just have more friends or somethin, I kinda wrote this when I was emotional so it’s kinda dramatic, also glad that make you laugh ;)",0.8862,positive,joyful 2384,depressed,Back to this monotonous life style (19),listener_2,12,"Have a think about this quote: ""True strength is not measured by how many hits you can take before you fall. It is measured by how many times you can get back up after you take a fall."" People that say they are strong, just talk about their brute strength. You get strength from moving forward with life. Moving forward with life itself is always extremely hard because we get attached to what we are familiar with and enjoy. Once that enjoyment ends or something that brings the enjoyment to an end a.k.a ""party pooper"" is also considered to be ""the fall"" getting past it is difficult. Its challenging. Whether you decide to take on that challenge or not is up to you, but that is what will define **your** ""true strength"".",0.9692,positive,sad 2384,depressed,Idk,listener_3,1,"I lost my dad, my mom doesn’t even look at me when I talk to her or even care for me, I lost all my friends, everything I loved to do isn’t fun for me. Except for one thing, basketball. When I’m at the gym playing basketball for as long as I can it make me feel good about my self, the only thing that makes me feel good about myself. But It doesn’t matter I’m nothing to no one and the only time people talk to me is when they need to use me. Ik this post makes no sense to anyone cuz I’m leaving all the details out but it don’t matter, this might be my last day on earth",0.8216,positive,devastated 2384,depressed,Idk,listener_4,2,"Op, please you need to stay Everything will be alright, it always does. People need you, I know and you know And if it doesn't change your mind, I want to tell you something. You maybe have a great reason for you to go today but when we are feeling like this, we always find a reason. The thing that helped me was to open myself to people, a friend of mine was to find a hobby. And sure, I have another one who has both it doesn't change the way she feels everyday, but this is why we are here, for her, even when she don't feel like she needs us. We all know that we are in this mess together and this is what make us stronger to go back up. So please op, don't do it, for the sake of all of us but most importantly for you. You need to live, you have to be strong, to then share it to other and continue the cycle. Take care op",0.9854,positive,trusting 2384,depressed,Idk,listener_5,3,"Lovely said, sir. I know the pain....every fking day, but there is stuff and there are people, that are worth living for. You may haven't met these, by now. But you will someday and things will get better. I wish both of you the best!",0.9598,positive,wishing 2385,depressed,I cant anymore,speaker,1,I'm ready to kill myself I feel like everyone's lives will be better. I am just a thing they waste their time on. I can't do anything and I want to die,-0.6369,negative,ashamed 2385,depressed,I cant anymore,listener_1,2,"I've felt this as well on and off for a very long time. I could tell you to keep your chin up and get help like everyone tells me but I've tried quite a few different strategies and nothing seems to work. The only thing that keeps me pushing forward is sheer strength of will. I feel like I'd rather spit in the face of life and grow stronger from my own self hate than end it. I call myself worthless too but I know that I'm not. You aren't worthless either. You have a place among us and need to be here for someone else. You have a great purpose on the earth, maybe not this second but some point you will be the most important human being to someone. You may never truly love yourself but know that one day there will be another who will love you more than you could ever believe. Stay with us my friend, the world needs us all.",0.9368,positive,confident 2385,depressed,I cant anymore,listener_2,3,"Same. My little sister killed herself, and my eldest sister died at 21, and I, too, would give anything to have them back.",-0.8326,negative,caring 2386,depressed,Found a diary entry from when I was 13,speaker,1,"It’s crazy, I was so young but yet so sad. I talked about how I was always depressed, I thought I was going insane. It hurts a little to think of that young teen wanting to kill herself, yet that doesn’t stop me from having suicidal thoughts today. However, one part did make me laugh. “If anyone reads this they will probably think I’m a selfish bitch. Well you can go fuck yourself, because you have no idea what I’m fucking going through”. -13 year old me",-0.9937,negative,sad 2386,depressed,Found a diary entry from when I was 13,listener_1,2,"I’m glad I didn’t journal as a teen because I can remember a lot of the dark thoughts I had, and the dark actions I took. It does hurt to know that even as an adult I still hate myself and being alive just like I did when I was younger, but now I can cope MUCH better. I can now see that life then was worth living and life today is worth living.",0.8201,positive,grateful 2386,depressed,Found a diary entry from when I was 13,speaker,3,"Yah I have no idea the difference, it’s like seeing another person. I have no idea how to get back to being happy.",0.4215,positive,lonely 2386,depressed,Found a diary entry from when I was 13,listener_2,4,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2387,depressed,Kimberly destroyed me,speaker,1,"I think of her and all the pain of being used, stolen from, manipulated, abandoned, having negotiations broken and punished for being hurt (I run away and left for 2 weeks) I was not okay although I tried hard to be. Her games drove me to insanity and I still cannot understand how anyone could be so horrible to another person. She pulled my attacker off. Her horrible cousin... he strangled me. She would not learn about the PTSD I received from knowing her cousin. She wanted me to stay sick, weak, alone, destroyed. I am destroyed. She got what she wanted. I remember her fucking me on muscle relaxers and mention while extreamly disasoseated. She started a relationship while I was half gone after she destroyed me a day before the attack. I hope she learns how it feels to be used, manipulated, mind fucked, and treated like trash. I think of her every day. A year has gone by. The pain is still unbearable.",-0.9965,negative,sad 2387,depressed,Kimberly destroyed me,listener_1,2,Hey. How are you holding up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2387,depressed,Kimberly destroyed me,speaker,3,Went to therapy yesterday. Trying to feel better. Thank you for asking.,0.6597,positive,hopeful 2387,depressed,Kimberly destroyed me,listener_1,4,Np,0.34,positive,devastated 2388,depressed,Sorry,speaker,1,"I've never been to a therapist before, so I don't know whether I'm suffering from depression or not. Ever since I was young, my parents were always away from work. I once begged my mom to play with me, but she pushed me away and told me to learn to be alone. Ever since then, I've stopped talking to my friends (same age as me). People have always told me I am stupid because of my nerdy appearance and my sluggish behavior. I just hate myself so much. After primary school, I've started to loathe my very existence. I was and am unable to understand love. Why would one sacrifice for the other? I see my 'friends' as painkillers. Now in my senior year, I deliberately took an extra subject just to distract myself from everything. I become more and more unstable, even now I've stopped talking to my 'real 'friends as I'm scared that I might bother them. I know my friends are worried about me, but I feel sorry for wasting their time. I would harm myself from time to time. I just hate myself so much. I do have a lot of good friends around me (I attract people because I love to listen to people's problems), I am grateful for that but I am sorry for letting them know I am not feeling okay. I am planning to self-study a whole unit (I'm doing a-levels right now) just to secure a good mark. I have told my mom about this for so many times and she still scolds me for doing nothing productive every day. I've lost interest in food. Every day I wake up, the first thing I say to myself is ""I hate myself"" or ""Why am I still alive"". I do workout regularly, it does help a bit but not much. I am sorry for being born, I am sorry for being alive, I am sorry for wasting your time. (sorry for my bad English) Thank you for reading this. It really helps a lot. I love listening to problems, so u can hmu if you're depressed so we can be depressed buddies tgt :)",-0.9118,negative,lonely 2388,depressed,Sorry,listener_1,2,"Please try to be nicer to yourself. Even the ugliest and dumbest people in the world still deserve love (I do not think you are ugly or dumb) and If it’s true that no one else cares for you, at least you can care for yourself. Treat yourself like you would treat a friend.",0.9118,positive,agreeing 2388,depressed,Sorry,speaker,3,Glad to know that I’m not alone,0.5775,positive,trusting 2388,depressed,Sorry,speaker,4,Thanks! I’ll probably find a therapist myself after high school bc I don’t want to add any burdens to my family anymore. :”,0.2481,positive,acknowledging 2388,depressed,Sorry,speaker,5,"I do talk to my teachers from time to time (i don’t trust school counsellors), but sometimes I don’t really have the time to do so. I will try to talk more to my friends. Thank you :” this really helps me a lot",0.9298,positive,grateful 2388,depressed,Sorry,listener_2,6,You can do it. Keep trying and never give up,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2388,depressed,Sorry,speaker,7,I will. Thanks,0.4404,positive,wishing 2389,depressed,I just dont wanna live anymore and im 14,speaker,1," Halli I'm 14 years old and I do not want to live anymore. I do not even bother getting upset no longer bothering to cry anymore just do not bitch anymore. But I can not just kill myself. My mother would cry very hard if I would kill myself. Although sometimes I do not understand that, I do not care what I do, even if I just lay him in my bed. And I have Panickattacken that comes then again on it, I really no longer buck. What is worse is that I have a small penis no, no sperm comes out and that I have no break and all that. I have now made a 2 Acc so that my brother does not see that lol. I wrote that with the Google translator so I'm sorry if that shit is lol",-0.9842,negative,sad 2389,depressed,I just dont wanna live anymore and im 14,listener_1,2,Shit be real in this world. You have a lot to live for and a lot to experience. It aint time to end it all yet. Become big enough to travel the world. See it all and then you will be ready.,-0.2732,negative,prepared 2389,depressed,I just dont wanna live anymore and im 14,speaker,3,lol woher weißt du das ich deutsch bin,0.4215,positive,agreeing 2390,depressed,It’s getting bad,speaker,1,I don’t know what’s happening. I’m not diagnosed professionally. But I feel really fucking bad everyday . I blame myself for every bad thing that’s happening. Can we just not care anymore? I need friends. Just left my home country and started living in canada. There’s just nobody to talk to. Please be friends with me lol. I literally can’t think of anyone else in my life to talk to.,-0.4495,negative,lonely 2390,depressed,It’s getting bad,listener_1,2,"I will 100% be your friend man. Anytime you need to talk to someone, hmu.",0.4939,positive,faithful 2390,depressed,It’s getting bad,speaker,3,Thank you so much dude:),0.3612,positive,wishing 2391,depressed,Friend with sundowning depression? SMH!!,speaker,1,"My bestie was diagnosed with sundown syndrome years ago (or so she has said....) We have been friends for over a year now and for the past few months, it has gotten really bad! like clockwork, every night between 6 and 6:30 I get texts about how she hasn't heard from her boyfriend for hours OR his last text didn't have a kissy emoji OR he never responded to something so he must be mad. It literally turns into looney tune hour until she falls asleep. He's a jackass for sure but I think most of the time it's just her overthinking everything. I love her dearly and really think that she can't control this but she won't meet with a therapist anymore and I'm obviously not equipped to deal. I feel like I'm starting to lose my shit. 6 hours every night. I have to be there for her but I'm running out of stuff to say not to mention that I'm starting to feel like I've entered the twilight zone. Can anyone provide any suggestions on how to handle someone with night time depression?",0.08199999999999999,positive,annoyed 2391,depressed,Friend with sundowning depression? SMH!!,listener_1,2,"You are becoming an enabler - which if you don't know - does not help. She needs to go to a professional, be honest and tell her that even though you like/love her, 6 hours of anyone every day is a burden. She may just be looking for attention so don't expect her to actually do anything that will help her, but if she magically does - meditation for 5 minutes every day to start with, if she does that you're free to ask for the next exercise.",0.7069,positive,suggesting 2391,depressed,Friend with sundowning depression? SMH!!,speaker,3,"Got it..... I've told her about seeing a therapist but says that she has and they don't help? Meditation is a great suggestion! I will suggest that and come from there. Thank you!! :) I personally love ASMR videos and have suggested those as they are relaxing. My husband agrees that she loves attention however, before 6 PM she is a different person! She's absolutely amazing! Bend over backward, cover for my ass when I sleep in, great to my children, goes out of her way when I need her and listens to me bitch. But after 6...... It is a lot for sure and I don't think I'm doing any favors but she gets so down that I worry about her sometimes during this time. I suggest that she goes to bed and sometimes she does but other times she doesn't.....",0.9877,positive,impressed 2392,depressed,I can't keep living on anymore,speaker,1,"I can't put up with it anymore, I just can't handle this life anymore. I just can't keep living like this im seriously bout to end this shit. I just can't help anyone anymore I can't help myself anymore. I think everyday to just end it but tonight it's just overwhelming of all the negative thoughts about suicide. The thoughts of cutting and just hoping to get fucked up. I just can't handle this my be I was just ment to die soon anyways. Im trying my hardest not to cut myself trying not to drink and popping pills, etc. It's really hard not to but I'm so close to doing it again. I can't even sleep every time I close my eyes my demons come out to fuck with me. Sorry if it's long and i use anymore a lot but im at the edge and I'm bout to jump off. Feels good getting this off my chest.",-0.9845,negative,sad 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,speaker,1,"Think about it, you go up to a, let’s say 20 year old, and ask them if they know how to make bread. 99% of the time they would say no. It’s astounding, it’s bread. Just fucking mix flour, water, salt and yeast into a dough and bake it. Yet many many young people don’t know how to make it. Please new parents start teaching your children the simple task as easy as baking bread. I’m glad I grew up in a household where I wasn’t thought how to play a video game, but how to make the fucking bread",0.7351,positive,annoyed 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,listener_1,2,"Sorry Mrs Baird, we will try to do better.",0.3818,positive,sympathizing 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,speaker,3,Who tf is that,0.0,neutral,angry 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,listener_2,4,One of the largest if not the largest bread making companies. Her bread is in every store like ever I’ve head her bread since I was a kid. I’m just tired of people not knowing there bread so please parents teach your kids bread. So glad I grew up in a house on what bread to grab not “videogames”.,0.7549,positive,grateful 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,speaker,5,"I don’t know if it’s regional thing, I’m In Pennsylvania and if you ask anyone what that is they wouldn’t know",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,listener_2,6,It’s literally bread Look her name up. Mrs Baird,0.0,neutral,surprised 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,speaker,7,"Yes, I’ve been informed on what it is",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2393,depressed,Can you make bread?,listener_2,8,Okay good to know.,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 2394,depressed,The letter you'll never read,speaker,1,"My head is still spinning, and the pain is still fresh. I dont know how long this will last. It's different than most, hurts alot more, but that's not all. I broke my word, and I was a coward. I've failed you, like I've only failed only one other person. I didnt do enough, and now here I am ashamed and full of guilt. But now i dont know what to do, keep my final promise to you, or defy the promise and act, to try and rectify things. I cant even think of you without freezing up and feeling a lump in my throat that wont go away, with a feeling like I'm rotting from the inside out. The few times I've seen you it's like I'm not in control, like everything shuts down and I get scared, like I'm backed into a corner with no way out... you hate me, and you have every reason to. I dont deserve anything else from you, I dont deserve anything anymore. I just want the pain to go... you were my best friend, and i loved you... but I was too scared to show it and now I get the hate I deserve.",-0.8812,negative,devastated 2394,depressed,The letter you'll never read,listener_1,2,Not all.people hate. Not all hearts taint. Some hearts continue to love broken and all. You do you . And don't worry about that other heart. Im sure you've been hurt too. Just don't fear and believe you can always be yourself with your counterpart . Don't let this be the end of friendships and love. Fight for what you want.,0.9558,positive,trusting 2394,depressed,The letter you'll never read,speaker,3,"I dont even know what I want anymore. I've tried to just get over it, to find other people, but it just keeps coming back, all the thoughts all the feelings just keep going back to her. She was the only one who tried to help me, and the only one who acted like she cared. Which made it hurt even worse when she told me she never wants to hear from me again. And I promised I wouldnt... I gave my word. I want to try to talk but at that point what meaning do my words even have. So I'm torn befween either breaking my word and trying to talk to someone who probably still hates me, or to continue like this.",0.2692,positive,devastated 2394,depressed,The letter you'll never read,speaker,4,"That's why it's called the letter you'll never read, it's probably a 99% chance she wont even give it a second glance, she'll see it's me and delete it, throw it away or whatever it takes to get rid of it as soon as she realizes who it's from.",0.25,positive,agreeing 2395,depressed,I feel like I hit rock bottom and I have no one to talk too..,speaker,1,"I just turned 30 and I spent most of my life helping others. I would give my last dollar and the shirt off my back for my friends, family, and the girl that I thought I was going to spend the rest my life with. I thought I was starting to do good in my life I even managed to get a car I had two jobs and I was trying to get an apartment. But at the beginning of this year things started to go bad, my girlfriend for 2 years got into some legal trouble‘s and got arrested I bailed her out $400 of my own money that I needed and to help take her back and forth to help pay for court fees, I end up getting into a wreck and the insurance company totaled my car, I started to feel more stress from those two jobs and felt like life was beaten me. I recently had a mental break down and thought about committing suicide because I couldn’t handle it anymore, I spent the whole night walking the up and down the highway screaming at myself like why is this happening to me I’ve done nothing to deserve this. Now She wants to go on a break to focus on herself, it seems like I’m losing everything right now and it’s not stopping. I’ve been to Therapy 4 times and I don’t think they even care about you they’re just there to get a check and go about their lives, my friends say they are here to talk if you needed it and even people I haven’t talk to in years say the same time but in my head they’re full of it. I just don’t know what to do anymore there’s no point in continuing if I have to wake up every day knowing that I take one step forward only to take 20 steps back.",-0.8059999999999999,negative,faithful 2395,depressed,I feel like I hit rock bottom and I have no one to talk too..,listener_1,2,"Right now is the perfect opportunity for you focus on yourself. You put others first, but now you need some self care. Sometimes it takes a low blow to turn your life around.",0.7096,positive,hopeful 2395,depressed,I feel like I hit rock bottom and I have no one to talk too..,speaker,3,Self care? You’re right I’ve been worried about everyone around me too much and I lost myself. Thank you :),0.6369,positive,agreeing 2395,depressed,I feel like I hit rock bottom and I have no one to talk too..,speaker,4,Yea I’m trying to get a good routine going day to day. Thank you :),0.8126,positive,wishing 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,1,"I've never been touched much in my life. There's always the moments but even back as far as I can remember my parents mostly were busy doing other things. My family just doesn't... Do that. But it eats away at me. Physically, I almost don't know how to be when I'm with people, either friends or lovers. I think this is actually far more common than people know. But it makes my skin want to rip itself off my body and it doesn't go away. Everyone always tells me I'm loved and cared about. Don't they remember that words always mean less than actions? ... I suppose not. I just want to feel loved. Your words aren't arms wrapping around me, so spare them. Save them for the papers. For those who might be unburdened by them at night.",0.9848,positive,embarrassed 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_1,2,I feel this,0.0,neutral,guilty 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,3,Sadly I fear most people here do as well. :/,-0.743,negative,afraid 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_2,4,"I am sure not all of those ""I'm here if you need mes"" or ""I love yous"" were bullshit. Dismissing others like that, even in your head, can harm relationships. People pick up on it even if you never tell them what is up. Be surprised what people figure out without words. The fact you hate being touched is a GIANT red flag; seek professional mental/emotional help. No, that is not normal no matter what you claim. Get help, it exists.",0.5195,positive,embarrassed 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,5,"My first ex couldn't stand gentle touch. It made things difficult. But it wasn't bad, still. It wasn't why we broke up, at least.",0.6508,positive,sad 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_3,6,You simply need to fine the correct people to be with.,0.2023,positive,trusting 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,7,"It's also hard for the needs to see the wants, weirdly enough. They're at least better adapted. I wish I had that. Maybe then my skin wouldn't betray me.",0.7482,positive,jealous 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,8,It always seems like the people I would love to hold the most are the hardest ones to get close to in the first place. ... Every time... I'll never quite figure that one out...,0.7717,positive,anxious 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,9,"Only slightly awkward, but I still appreciate the sentiment.",0.5262,positive,sympathizing 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_4,10,Bro I get it you're touch starved but that's kinda weird...,-0.4424,negative,neutral 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,11,"I doubt you're close. I live in South California though. Life hurts without touch. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm dying so much faster than I should be, for no real reason at all. I can't ever relax. I just can't anymore. Even when I'm sleeping, I'm still so wound up. I think the last real hug I had was like 1-2 months ago now. Even though I live with my mom and sister. I just... Can't anymore...",0.448,positive,sad 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_5,12,"I live in Southern Cali, too! I'm about an hour from LA. I'd love to hug you and hold you!",0.8353,positive,caring 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_6,13,"I live with my sister. Trust me, I completely get it. It is literally in our DNA to *need* human interaction, touch, and stimulating social situations. This is your body and mind crying out for that. Please understand you are not weird or defective for feeling this way. I feel it too. I really wish we lived closer.. I'm in Texas. I've been doing some reading on this subject lately, and I've seen there are various types of alternative therapy that experiment with eye contact and safe touching (shoulders, back, arms, etc.). It's easier to find specialists and events like this in urban areas with younger, more open-minded populations, so I think you'll be in luck living in Cali. If all else fails, my PMs are open, friend.",0.9699,positive,agreeing 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_7,14,"Lmao imagine actually meeting up... - hey, what's up? - nothin much, so where do you wanna be touched?",0.644,positive,questioning 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_6,15,Offering support to a fellow hurting soul is weird? I mean.. ok? I guess I'd rather be weird then. And btw not a bro.,-0.4137,negative,caring 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,16,"It seems like most willing are far away. It's troublesome. There's a few things I've been trying to figure out about myself, I'm hoping once I get into therapy it'll help.",0.5719,positive,anxious 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_7,17,Do you have a source for that? I strongly doubt it is in our DNA to want human interaction.,-0.0258,neutral,questioning 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_4,18,"It's not the offer of support at all, just the wording feels kinda weird to me that's all, you guys do you I just think it sounds a bit weird",0.1513,positive,acknowledging 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_4,19,Hmmmm. Here here here and.... here,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_6,20,"What I meant is that through the study of anthropology, it is revealed we evolved as a social species. Hence why we live in groups.",0.0,neutral,surprised 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_6,21,"Some people don’t like their hair to be touched, or maybe this person would prefer to just sit across from me and drink a coffee. However he feels comfortable and safe.",0.8271,positive,content 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,22,I live in Victorville but I work in Fontana. We can chat if you'd like! It's probably something we both need honestly.,0.8197,positive,suggesting 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,speaker,23,I live in Victorville but I work in Fontana. We can chat if you'd like! It's probably something we both need honestly.,0.8197,positive,suggesting 2396,depressed,All I really need is to be held. But for that you need someone willing.,listener_5,24,"Yeah, sure we can talk! Feel free to PM me. :)",0.8777,positive,agreeing 2397,depressed,Why do we feel so empty?,speaker,1,"Why is it when you give so much to someone and they give the same back, you still can’t feel happy?",0.5719,positive,questioning 2397,depressed,Why do we feel so empty?,listener_1,2,"I feel that it comes from our need for human interaction and connection. We want to feel respected and loved. Life does not always provide for that. Sometimes it is possible to fill that will respect and love for yourself. Sometimes it is not. Unfortunately you cannot hide your flaws from yourself, but you can forgive yourself. Love means working through it. My thoughts anyways.",0.9554,positive,sad 2397,depressed,Why do we feel so empty?,speaker,3,You seem to not understand. What I’m giving is time and attention. Not something physically given,0.34,positive,trusting 2397,depressed,Why do we feel so empty?,listener_2,4,It may be that the other person is not giving the same things to you. You may be trying too hard.,-0.3476,negative,jealous 2398,depressed,Don't mistake loyalty for cowardice.,speaker,1,"People go about their lives claiming a quality of loyalty, even when they are obviously being exploited. They are in too deep. They can't see their own cowardly ways, and let their hollow days pass by in exchange for electronic credits. What if the secret to existence on this physical plane is to escape it? Not to take your own life, but to will yourself out of your body. This requires a virtuoso of the mind. The other side is nothing - beautiful and serene nothingness. If the only real existence is now, why must I delay my fate with eternity? Whether it comes today or in old age, it is still now.",0.41,positive,trusting 2398,depressed,Don't mistake loyalty for cowardice.,listener_1,2,This whole thing makes zero sense to me,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2398,depressed,Don't mistake loyalty for cowardice.,speaker,3,It will one day.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2399,depressed,It fades so quickly,speaker,1,"I had a nice day yesterday. It would probably fall into the handful of days that make me promise not to kill myself. As for if I keep that promise, I can only hope that I will. There was an office barbeque so we let out a few hours early and took the train to someones house. It's a small company, maybe 10 people in the office any given day. I'm the only highschooler there. Despite my best efforts, I couldnt keep a conversation with anyone for the first few hours, but after that another intern introduced himself to me. He's a senior in college. We talked a fair bit and I actually enjoyed it. Sometimes we would trail off and stay silent for a few minutes. I don't know how to describe it, but we both kinda shared some understanding so it was slightly less awkward. I found out it was his last day here a few minutes before we had to leave. Unfortunately we didn't have any social media platforms in common, but I made a Facebook page today in hopes that he may find it. Even if we did have contact, I know that I would eventually stop messaging him without realizing. My mom was having friends over for dinner. I didn't eat too much at the barbecue so I could eat with them. We had food and talked and it was fun. I went to middle school with my mom's friend's daughter, and now we're pretty close. After dinner we went to my bedroom so we could watch breaking bad (I had already finished it but she was still watching it). Basically she spooned me and we watched a few episodes. It's pretty normal to do stuff like that in our friend group so it wasn't awkward or anything. She has a girlfriend anyways. It's probably my favorite thing in the world to feel someone pressed against me and just watch TV. I'm often too low energy to enjoy doing other stuff. Sometimes I feel like I just hang out with my friends because they give good hugs, not because I like them. I like them a lot as people and have so much respect for them though. It probably comes off that way I'm sure. I have a hard time talking to people, especially complementing them cause it sounds like I'm hitting on them. Recently though I've found that cuddles don't feel as good as they used to be. Maybe the novelty wore off or something. I don't even know how much of my enjoyment is natural versus coming from the fact that I'm scared that I'm losing what brings me the most joy. She ended up spending the night (I don't work Fridays) and we fell asleep together. We ended up sleeping in late and she had to leave around 11:30 and that was that. I was still happy for a bit afterwards but it quickly began to fade back to the monotony of daily life. I can't even remember the feeling behind my good memories anymore, if that makes sense. without that, the hope that I'll be happy sometime soon gives me no excitement, it's just something I say to myself to hopefully prevent me from gaining a suicidal mindset. I guess I'm scared more than anything. One day I'll loose all sense of joy, even the mild pleasures of my daily hobbies when I'm not doing them to keep myself busy. I don't know why but I felt the need to recount my good times, even though I could have gotten to the point much quicker. Perhaps it's so I can tell myself I enjoyed them, who knows. Thanks for reading if you've gotten to the end. <3",0.9986,positive,hopeful 2399,depressed,It fades so quickly,listener_1,2,"To me, the fact that those moments fade away so quickly is what makes them so enjoyable and in turn, bittersweet. The only thing you can do is try to make every mundane day feel slightly special. I like to spice my life up in little ways, and I myself try and be as excited as a little kid would be. For instance, picking a new pack of smokes to test, or ordering cheap trinkets or consumables online and then forgetting about them and being stoked when they get to my house. Kinda like a Christmas surprise. Or even just going out of my way to try a new restaurant, walking/driving a new route, or listening to new music. It's the little things.",0.9151,positive,excited 2399,depressed,It fades so quickly,speaker,3,"It comes when you don't expect it. Talk to people if you can. Also the End of the Fucking World is really good, watch it on Netflix if you haven't already.",0.4927,positive,surprised 2400,depressed,for real,speaker,1,i mean it kinda took me long enough but maybe i'm not the issue. maybe i'm the product of the issue?? my entire family is sick in the head. for real. wy too much to rant about but jesus fucking christ. they all should go to therapy.,-0.8364,negative,suggesting 2400,depressed,for real,listener_1,2,Maybe so! I hope you find a way away from your family,0.4926,positive,consoling 2400,depressed,for real,speaker,3,i guess thats the goal but ultimately i just wish they were normal and chill and didnt complain about evrry single fucking thing in the world... i just wish i had a normal fam man..,0.8678,positive,neutral 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,speaker,1,"Every day I get up feeling tired all the time. I force myself to get through the day. To survive another day. And lately I'm starting to wonder just what the heck I'm even surviving for. What is the point of just surviving another day if all that comes is another day to survive? I have no hope for the future. I work a crappy job with crappy wages. I have no hope in finding someone to share my life with. I hate how the world seems to be spiraling into a much worse state. Everything I used to enjoy like movies and games are getting worse, not better. So why am I struggling so hard to survive when I don't see a brighter future ahead of me? Why struggle if there is nothing but struggle?",-0.8714,negative,sad 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,listener_1,2,"You got this, just stay strong",0.5106,positive,faithful 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,listener_2,3,"Dont wanna be rude but this is like a billion times easier said than done. We all know that's the solution, the problem is nobody shows us HOW to do that exactly. We're just being told to do it.",0.7958,positive,neutral 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,speaker,4,"You know, I never much cared for the ""starving child in Africa"" line. Yeah, I get it, things could be worse but it don't much change how I feel now does it? Always thought it was a shitty thing to say to someone who isn't feeling good about something. Try and be more proactive and work on the issue? Yeah I actually agree. I used to be an avid swimmer so maybe getting back into that is a good idea. But never use the ""others have it worse than you"" line. All it does is piss people off.",-0.586,negative,agreeing 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,listener_3,5,"Yeah, and what makes it easier is having someone show you love, show you how to live the proper way, show you how to care.... nobody ever seems to want that though...",0.9136,positive,agreeing 2401,depressed,I'm tired of just surviving,listener_2,6,"Oh I would definitely want that, I just don't have anyone like that",0.224,positive,agreeing 2402,depressed,"I should be happy, but I’m not.",speaker,1,"TLDR at bottom... I’m 23(in a couple days) I’m married, and I’m pregnant. My husband is in the military (we met 4 years before he joined, been together 8 years total) he’s great, I have no complaints. But this pregnancy has been really hard on my emotional status. I’ve always struggled with depression since I was very young and this pregnancy has only increased it. I’m worried I won’t be good enough, neither of us have a great relationship with our mothers..so it’s not like I know what to do. I use to think I’d never want kids because I don’t understand life. I mean we are born and life starts and then you grow up and get a job and depending on your life choices you may get married and have kids and then die. But you might even die before then. So what’s the point? Life experience? Memories? Ok great. But what good do they do for you when you’re dead. Sure, you can use the “heaven” argument, but then there’s also hell. So I just, I don’t know. TL DR: I’m sad for no reason, I don’t understand why I feel this way, but I do.",-0.9646,negative,content 2402,depressed,"I should be happy, but I’m not.",listener_1,2,"First of all, nobody knows what they’re doing the first time they become parents. Some doesn’t even know the second time. And that’s a fact regardless if you have help from your own parents or not. Second of all, you’re not sad for no reason, you’re depressed. You have a lot going on; previous mental health struggles, a husband in the military (does he travel a lot perhaps? Or have job tasks that worry you? Long hours?) and you’re pregnant. That’s a scary thing! Not in a bad way but in an overwhelming way. And it’s no sin to feel overwhelmed, we all do at some point in our lives, but some are able to shake it off quickly and for others like you (and myself too) the feeling sticks around because you’re extra vulnerable in these trying times. Both because of your depression, but also hormones. One thing that sticks out to me in your post is the feeling that life is meaningless and the surges of depression, anxiety etc. and I wonder if you have ever talked to your GP about bipolar disorder? My sister and mom are bipolar and I recognize some of your symptoms in them, especially having mood swings, periods of depression, a sudden change in energy, changes in thought patterns and more. I might be reaching here, so please let me know if I’ve read too much into your post. But please try to talk to your doctor about this. Best case scenario, you’re not bipolar, but either way you should seek help for your struggles. You have enough on your plate as it is. Try to not overthink and worry about the next part, but I’d hate for you to develope postpartum depression too. You’re already so overwhelmed and should take care of yourself and your health as much as possible. Remember that your husband loves you and your little baby girl does too. She’s probably kicking because she hates to see her mother upset. You’ll be a great mom, I’m sure. You sound so thoughtful and considerate in your post that there’s now chance you’ll screw this up. Nobody’s perfect and you’ll have trials and tribulations but you will push through. I’m sure of it. I read a very strong person between the lines of your post, and this comes from a complete stranger. You got this!",0.9838,positive,sad 2402,depressed,"I should be happy, but I’m not.",speaker,3,"Hi, thank you. He doesn’t work terrible hours but we are moving to another country for 3 years this month so that’s stressful... and I have never been diagnosed with depression or anxiety (mostly because my parents never took me to the dr but since I was a small child I’d get upset and start hyperventilating and not be able to breathe or talk) but I know my aunt was diagnosed with bipolar depression so it probably wouldn’t hurt for me to get checked.. and yes ppd is something I’m fearful for. I’m worried it’ll happen and I won’t be able to give her the affection she needs. My wall comes up very easily even with my husband sometimes, and I would hate to do that to my baby. Things are just hard right and stressful and my mind is too busy. I appreciate your kind words",-0.9768,negative,neutral 2402,depressed,"I should be happy, but I’m not.",listener_1,4,"You’re very welcome :) I’d definitely get “checked” for bipolar disorder if I were you. It’s genetic, and perhaps your grandparents or great-grandparents are bipolar as well. Maybe even without knowing. My mother didn’t know until her 50’s. If you suddenly feel anxious and like you’re about to hyperventilate, try to use your sense to register five things, you can touch, hear, smell, see and so. That helps me quite a lot. Also breathing like a boxer. It sounds ridiculous but it might help you. Do three quick, hard inhales through your nose - it has to be loud! And then three quick exhales through your mouth. Almost like you’re gonna breathe during labor. Again, it has to be loud. “Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh”. Good luck!",0.9642,positive,agreeing 2403,depressed,Am I trying too hard?,speaker,1,"You know, fun fact about me, I’m an 18 year old girl with depression. Another fun fact, I’ve been in a relationship for two years. Fun fact number three, I do everything I possibly can for people, and I feel like they couldn’t care less. All I’m asking for is some appreciation. For them to say thank you. I don’t want them to do something for me to make it even. I don’t care about even. I just want them to show me they recognize my efforts and they appreciate it. Thank you. That’s all I ask for. Two words. And yet nobody gets it. Nobody understands. When somebody needs relationship advice, I do my best to help. Even though my own relationship is falling down the drain. When somebody is depressed and needs help, I’m there for them. Even though five minutes before I was contemplating suicide. When somebody has had a bad day and it feels like their world is crashing around them, I do my best to pick up the pieces and show them it’s going to be okay. Even though I feel like my world imploded on itself and left me scattered in a million pieces across a million miles. Thank you. That’s all I want. Is it too much to ask? Am I trying too hard?",0.9878,positive,ashamed 2403,depressed,Am I trying too hard?,listener_1,2,"Sadly, too many people take others for granted",-0.2023,negative,sad 2403,depressed,Am I trying too hard?,speaker,3,"Yeah, I get that. It’s just hard sometimes feeling like nobody notices my efforts or even cares that I’m trying.",0.7783,positive,agreeing 2403,depressed,Am I trying too hard?,listener_2,4,"If you want to talk to someone, im here.",0.0772,positive,questioning 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,speaker,1,"I’m losing all my friends. I’m 10 months clean and coming with that has me losing all my friends. I had to drop someone today cause all they be doing is partying and drugs. My girl was my bestfriend. We talked for a year and then she got abusive with me. We hung out every weekend when I didn’t work. Now I never leave the basement, unless it’s work. I’m smoking a lot more weed too. Ugh I just want someone to crash into me already.",-0.6503,negative,sad 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,listener_1,2,Hang in there,0.0,neutral,consoling 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,speaker,3,Thank you 😌,0.6249,positive,wishing 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,speaker,4,"I love Buddhism, I haven’t been living the right way tho :( Becoming very materialistic, becoming dependent on things. I’m looking for a new job so hopefully I’ll find new friends there :)",0.8977,positive,hopeful 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,speaker,5,Thank you !! ❤️❤️❤️,0.4738,positive,grateful 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,speaker,6,"I did the other day, I’m outside today too. Probably should get out more before it gets cold",0.0,neutral,hopeful 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,listener_2,7,Good for you buddy.. keep it up. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to.,0.7351,positive,acknowledging 2404,depressed,Sitting here with no friends is depressing,listener_3,8,Good luck to you In the job search! And hey try integrating a couple buddhist ideas into your everyday life slowly and as you start practicing them more soundly start adding more as you like!,0.8499,positive,wishing 2405,depressed,Studying at university is a huge burden for me,speaker,1,"I study at university and there are a few problems that make my studies a huge burden: 1. Irritable bowel syndrome: sometimes this thing makes studying insufferable, cause I have to endure extreme pain all the time, and very often it makes me get late for classes. It also makes public speaking much tougher, cause whenever I make a report in front of the audience I get nervous and IBS makes it feel like a torture. 2. Mental health problems: I also have OCD, which is usually triggered whenever I do something that I enjoy. So it makes it much harder to practice my hobbies and have a rest from classes. Besides, due to the studies I’ve become extremely nervous and anxious, living in a constant fear of losing my university. I’ve even started to flinch whenever I hear something like a loud noise, which is certainly not all right. If people whose opinion is important to me tell me something or even look at me, my limbs start trembling and I cannot control it. It often leads to panic attacks and makes it impossible to interact with people. This year I’ve also tried to find a girlfriend, but the girls I wrote to just left me on read. When I tried to approach girls at my university, they just ignored me. All my classmates are also girls, and I cannot become friends with them, no matter how much I try. 3. Conscription: in my country there is conscription, so if I lose my university, I will be conscripted. This means that I’ll have to spend a year of my life being bullied, beaten and humiliated, eating shitty food, living without sleep and weekends. Also if I have a girlfriend eventually, she is not gonna wait for me to return, cause here most girls break up with their boyfriends if those get conscripted. So what do I have to do to solve these problems? How can I make this life better? Studies are a very important part of my life, but it has become insufferable.",-0.9893,negative,anxious 2405,depressed,Studying at university is a huge burden for me,listener_1,2,"Oh shit man, I'm really sorry you're going through this. First, I'm not a doctor nor have any medical conditions, so I don't know if there is medicine for Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Sorry. Maybe do some research or visit a doctor? Do you have any close friends or family? Make yourself comfortable with someone you're already close with, and talk with them. Pour your heart out. Hell, keeping a journal is a good practice. Take deep breaths, try to relax. Go on a walk, listen to music. Listen to those ""Most Emotional Music"" stuff, it helped me when I'm down. Everdream is a personal fav. Again, talk with someone you can trust. With your studies, always make sure you aren't overworking yourself. Read your notes everyday and try to just casually study and keep in mind that if you do this, you can pass whatever. Personally, I do this when I panic about school. Never go past your limit. If you really need to, then do it if it would be worth it. Take deep breaths and think about what can happen after. You can pass what you need to and be in a place you want to be. Try to meet new people online. Whatever hobbies or interests you might have, try to meet people. This is the internet, you'll be fine if you meet the right people. Hope this helps. Just remember, I'll be here if ever you need me. Take deep breaths and just relax. Good luck bud.",0.982,positive,sympathizing 2405,depressed,Studying at university is a huge burden for me,speaker,3,Thank you so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 2406,depressed,Anyone?,speaker,1,Anyone one just wanna talk about depression/ anxiety/ self harm/ mental illnesses has just fucked with your life?,-0.9477,negative,questioning 2407,depressed,i feel like a doll,speaker,1,i feel like i’m a doll and people are playing with me a creating my life. it doesn’t feel real anymore. some higher power is pulling the strings. making things happen. why. am i even real?,0.6705,positive,questioning 2407,depressed,i feel like a doll,listener_1,2,I often feel the same.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2407,depressed,i feel like a doll,speaker,3,it started today i guess. i’ve had some stuff happen in the past but something happened today as well. is it really that bad? questioning reality? what if we r in a simulation. believing in a higher power that pulls all of our strings and makes us think and do things? this higher power isn’t god i’ll tell you that.,-0.5272,negative,questioning 2407,depressed,i feel like a doll,listener_2,4,"Well I asked if something happened because dissociation is a coping mechanism our minds use to handle trauma or something too painful to process. It's a way to keep functioning when we hurt really bad or simply can't currently process what's been set on our plate. It needs to be paid attention to, if you are experiencing something in this area, it might be wise to seek counseling or therapy. Simply questioning reality isn't a bad thing. But it's better done outside of stressful times in your life. Address your issue that's currently happening, either professional or at least speak to understanding folks like this sub or whichever one is most appropriate for whatever happened. This higher power you speak of, some people are starting to think of it as our own higher self, the you that isn't just your physical body. Anyway, take some deep breaths, remember your not alone, we love you and we're here for you.",-0.6012,negative,apprehensive 2408,depressed,Kinda just want someone to talk to tbh,speaker,1,Just been feeling like my life is going downhill lately and I guess I didn't really know where else to go. Im not suicidal just more looking for someone who is willing to listen and help me out mentally,0.8515,positive,apprehensive 2408,depressed,Kinda just want someone to talk to tbh,listener_1,2,Hey. I wanna talk to someone too. Maybe we could talk?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2408,depressed,Kinda just want someone to talk to tbh,listener_2,3,You too can message me if you want to talk.,0.0772,positive,agreeing 2409,depressed,My dad solution to things is to tell me how unhealthy I am. I made myself have depression anxiety and BPD.,speaker,1,Not leaving the house for a couple of days= unhealthy Eating too much/ too little= unhealthy Not having friends= unhealthy Depression anxiety and BPD= unhealthy Yes it all is. But what are you going to do about it dad. I’ve literally been depressed since I was 8 and you have don’t nothing except tell me it’s unhealthy/ that’s it’s all in my head/ I’m overreacting and that I need to grow up because being sad won’t help me/ offered me alcohol when I was ten to help me ‘lighten up a bit’.,-0.923,negative,angry 2410,depressed,I don't know what am I and I need help,speaker,1,"So this is a long story so get yourself a drink and something to eat.. I'm a guy and I always been with girls and never felt anything for other guys(this is important). If someone looked good, I was like okay damn, he is okay but nothing more. I fell in love with this girl, like DEEP love. I could've had her but I fucked up. So she was with other guys but we were unseperable, we would always hang out with each other and I always craved for her. I've got depressed.. thought abought suicide and such. Now after almost 2 years, after she broke up we began to hang out again, and I feel like I wanted her, and I would still want her now. Our things started to work out, we hooked up and stuff and I enjoyed it, I wanted it. But after some months of this going on, she hit me up with a hard friendzone. Like damn, one day ""I miss you"" and the nexd day was like ""Let's talk less"". Okay.. Obviously there was this other guy, I eas no match for him. And out of nowhere came a thought ""What if I'm gay?"" but it was not a good revelation, I do not want these thoughts, I hate them and I want to get rid of them. I often test myself.. I think about how I felt when I was with girls and I sincerely enjoyed it. When I see a guy, who is considered hot, I feel panic, my anxiety kicks in. ""Are you checking him out? Omg you do??"" ""Are you looking at him cuz you like what you see?"" But I don't, or atleast I don't know anymore. I want to end it. I can't cope with this. I just want to get my old self back.",0.6574,positive,jealous 2410,depressed,I don't know what am I and I need help,listener_1,2,"First, it's completely okay to think a guy is hot while being straight. You know how girls always think celebs like... Ugh, the Kardashians are hot and are still considered straight? Yeah. You can think **insert big name celeb** is hot and still be straight. It's completely ok. I don't know anything about LGBT so sorry. You can head over to their sub and see if it helps. r/lgbt. Second, I'm sorry about the girl bud. But there are some things we can't change. Take a walk, clear your head. Go out with some friends and ultimately have a good time. Talk with a close friend or family and keep a personal journal. Listen to those ""Most Emotional Music"" type things. Keep at ease. Everdream is a personal favorite. Talk with people you trust. It helps. Or hell, even the random strangers of Reddit. We're here for you bud. I'll be waiting if you need to talk. Good luck. I wish you nothing but the best in life.",0.9893,positive,sympathizing 2410,depressed,I don't know what am I and I need help,speaker,3,I have a pretty open minded family and I told them how I feel and about my concerns. They told be that they would still love me and nothing would change but it still didn't change anything about how I feel.,0.5719,positive,trusting 2410,depressed,I don't know what am I and I need help,listener_2,4,I'm sorry you still feel this way. I hope over time your thoughts and feelings may become easier to deal with. I think it is worth a try,0.743,positive,consoling 2411,depressed,I'm tired of being lonely,speaker,1,"There are so many things hurting me that sometimes I feel it all and sometimes I feel nothing. I'd rather feel nothing than waking up like shit every day, going to work feeling like shit and coming home feeling like shit. 22 years old and my greatest accomplishment is that I didn't kill myself yet. 22 years of loneliness and pain and ruined relationships. I try and I try, almost 3 years of therapy, it helped me, but living is so hard that sometimes I wish I had never been born. Met my ex boyfriend at the club this Saturday, ex boyfriend who broke up with me because he decided that he wasn't obligated to deal with my ""lack and need of love"". I saw him there dancing, kissing strangers in front of me on purpose and I thought that didn't hurt me until waking up on this Monday morning. I'm tired",0.7432,positive,sad 2411,depressed,I'm tired of being lonely,listener_1,2,"I totally feel this and I’m not even lonely, I’m married. And I love my husband and my amazing family to death but I somehow still feel lonely and I can’t figure out why. I’m sure you don’t want this advice but keep going to therapy. 3 years seems like a lot but compared to a lifetime it’s really not, these are problems that resolve slowly and over a lot of time. Form good strong relationship that aren’t romantic. Pick up some hobbies, take a class, and find friends who have common interests. Finally, learn to love time by yourself. This is something I work on often, go to lunch by yourself and bring a book or journal or something and just take that hour to really get to know yourself and appreciate time with yourself. I hope this helps and I’m wishing you well!",0.9946,positive,lonely 2411,depressed,I'm tired of being lonely,speaker,3,"Hey there I just got back to work and I'm happy to see that there are people willing to help and to write some nice words for those who need to read/listen. I appreciate your support, dear stranger. I would never even think of leaving therapy, it is something that I can't see my life going on without it - if I stop it for whatever reason I'm sure that I won't last too long. At least in the conditions that I find myself into now. I will follow your advice - especially the book thing. I have a collection of more than 118 books and since I got depressed this hobby of mine went away. I believe it is time to restart it now. Anyway, I don't know what else to say but thank you so much for these words. I know that your loneliness will go away someday, and so will mine, so that we can be happy like we deserve. Idk where u are from, but I'm sending you warm hugs from Brazil!",0.9628,positive,grateful 2412,depressed,Still Upset Over You,speaker,1,"I met this girl who really encompassed everything I wanted in a woman. She was beautiful, in college, into music, Italian, and a lot of fun to be around. As I got to know her more she turned out to be a basic hoe that was disguised as an innocent girl. For whatever reason I couldn’t get over her past, when in reality, although she was more promiscuous than others, her past wasn’t that bad. I made the mistake of ruining the relationship by meeting someone from tinder who I told to leave once they got to my place, and told her about them. After a month of pleading with her I thought our relationship would be ok, but she ended up becoming cold to me and seeing other guys behind my back. I should have left when it was apparent, but I didn’t want to lose her and all of the time we invested into one another. In the end, she was the one to leave me, claiming bullshit reasons such as I didn’t give her time to get over her ex boyfriend when she was the one to ask me out, and that we just weren’t compatible with one another although we had dated an entire year, both of our longest relationships. I had gone to counseling for 3 months and felt so much better, but sometimes when I wake up she is all I can think about... it drives me nuts. I’ve gained a lot of weight because of my depression and I’ve been trying so hard to lose it, but it’s such a long process. I am just so lonely now. I ruined it for myself, when I shouldn’t have. Part of me thinks it’s for the better, and part of me thinks I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Sorry for the long message, I hope you all have a fantastic day.",-0.9407,negative,surprised 2412,depressed,Still Upset Over You,listener_1,2,"It's definitely for the better. Maybe it's because I'm an extreme romantic at heart so I have just as warped of an idea about what a relationship should be as you, but what you're describing and how you describe her doesn't seen healthy. You called her a hoe and said how you talking shit behind her back almost ruined your friendship. Maybe she really was seeing other guys behind your back like you said, but it doesn't seem like you took the time to try to really understand her. You describe her very superficially and by her flaws. I'll admit that I've never been in one, but I think I give decent advice about relationships just cause I'm pretty good about knowing how people tick. You need to see the good in your partner. That's not to say that you should ignore their flaws. It also doesn't mean you shouldn't awknowledge when it's better for a relationship to end. You two probably weren't at all as compatible as you think you two dating for a whole year makes you. You really do need to get over this. You're letting someone who you describe very negatively ruin your life. I don't think you're at all describing her accurately or even being honest with yourself about her, but the biggest thing is that you're right to believe it's better this way. Get back into shape and find someone you actually like. That's all I can say I think.",0.9628,positive,suggesting 2412,depressed,Still Upset Over You,speaker,3,"Thanks for the reply. I think you’re right. I sorta resent her because after she ended everything I tried to stay cordial with her (we had a class together and I had to see her everyday) so I would say hi. She claimed that me saying hello to her everyday was me harassing her and filed a claim against me through our university. At that moment i resented her a lot and she’s with a guy that she cheated on me with now. You’re right I definitely need to get over it, and I definitely thought I was for the longest time. It’s when I get lonely that her memory comes up and all of the good memories that we had with one another start to shine through. This was my first real and serious relationship I would say, so that’s probably where the warped perception comes from. She was everything I wanted on the surface, but deep down, we had very different opinions and values that set us apart even though we shared a lot of the same interests. I appreciate that you took the time out of your day to respond to me, I just got back from a run actually. Slow and steady progress.",0.9403,positive,agreeing 2412,depressed,Still Upset Over You,listener_1,4,"Nice job dude. You're taking the right perspective here. I gotta say that her filing a claim against you for being friendly is super delusional. I get how it might possibly hurt for her and you might have been unwittingly driving the knife deeper, but without bringing it up to you or even trying to understand it as a friendly gesture is just toxic. If you're not truly invested and have a deeper connection it's better to get away from people like that. Not you're responsibility. Hope you stay on the right track and find someone else.",0.8567,positive,acknowledging 2413,depressed,I'm breaking down,speaker,1,"I never thought I'd be posting something like this online... I'm a generally happy person. Seriously. People around me enjoy my company. I have a really supportive family. I have a lot of fulfilling hobbies that make me happy. I don't really want to be alive right now though. I'm not going to hurt myself, I wouldn't do that. I don't have any suicidal thoughts. I just... if I was on a plane and it was crashing right now I'd feel relieved. I was seeing this woman for almost 4 years. We were in a long distance relationship and really in love. When we spent time together we were really happy. The start of our relationship was really rocky due to me recovering from an abusive relationship. She really helped out on that recovery and helped me trust again. Looking at things now I'm not sure if I really fully recovered, but at least I felt like I was on the right track. Anyway we were talking about getting married. Living together. Adopting kids. It would have been great. She cheated on me. Neither of us could fully explain why it happened. I'm sure distance played a part. I probably could have been a more emotionally attentive partner, and I had vowed to work on that. The first instance of cheating didn't end in sex because she stopped it. Due to that, I figured we could repair our relationship. She clearly had enough insight to stop things before they got out of hand. But I lost my cool and got angry at her and broke up. We didn't talk much so she started talking to that guy again, and then I realized I was making a mistake and she seemed to sincerely want me back, so I decided to start repairing things again. She was already into it with that guy though. They slept together after I decided to start repairing things. She didn't tell me and just let me go on thinking I could salvage our relationship. I got a ticket to visit here and she and I were in a hotel together when I grabbed her phone to look up a YouTube video since mine wasn't in reach. That wasn't really an invasion: she and I always did that with each others phones. She immediately grabbed the phone out of my hand though. That had never happened and it made an impression. The next morning I checked out her phone and she had been sharing nudes with this guy and sexting. I blew up. I lost it. I told her to get the fuck out of my life and never talk to me again. I changed my ticket home and left the next day. I'm not the type of person that holds grudges or tries to define someone by a single action, but I was upset. I didn't talk to her for a week and she kept sending me messages apologizing and trying to explain herself. Eventually, I decided to hear her out. I had no intention of getting back together then, but I think trying to understand each other would help us both. We talked and talked and we agreed to meet up for a week. I had a lot of fun that week. We enjoyed each others company and spent time together, kinda like before. I cried a few nights, but that was expected. I still decided we weren't going to be getting back together right now. I cry almost every day now. Like violent crying. Full body spasm crying. I don't actually have that many friends where I live since I was planning to move somewhere with her. I thought ""oh this is typical break up stuff, I've cried before from breakups"" but this is different. It has been over a month now, more than a couple months if you take the whole thing into account. I still have the same broken feeling. I still just want to not wake up one morning. I still cry a lot. I think back a lot on the abusive girlfriend and I cry about that. I think about a previous girlfriend that also was unfaithful and I cry about that. I spilled coffee today and I cried for like 20 minutes because of it. I feel broken. Broken is really the only word that works. I don't want anything. I don't want to eat. I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. I don't want to have fun. I don't want anything. Completely empty. I don't want to ever trust someone again. I went out a few times and tried to meet some people, but I'd just leave early and cry in the car. My healthcare doesn't cover the therapists in my area. I actually make a decent amount of money and I can afford one anyway, but I'm being really hesitant and I don't know why. I just want someone to hear me. Thanks for reading.",-0.9535,negative,content 2413,depressed,I'm breaking down,listener_1,2,"I have no experience with long term relationships, so i can’t really give you any suggestions. What i can do though, is to tell you that i’m here and i’ve read your thoughts and i support you. We don’t know each other, but i hope the best for you and that one day you’ll get through this. The only thing I could suggest you is to talk about this to someone. It doesn’t matter who you talk to, I mean if you need to vent i’d be happy to hear you out as well, but the one thing you really need right now is to get all those emotions out, and you already did good by sharing this post. Just know that one day everything will make sense and that you’ll be fine. Hope the best for you, always keep fighting 💪🏻",0.989,positive,caring 2413,depressed,I'm breaking down,speaker,3,Thanks. It did feel good to write all of that out.,0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2413,depressed,I'm breaking down,listener_1,4,"Glad to know that, stay strong",0.743,positive,agreeing 2414,depressed,I am alone,speaker,1,"All o f my friends just, quit on me. My closest friend raged and disconnected. One of my old friends is pouring mountains of salt on me for no reason. Group chat is dead Fml",-0.0258,neutral,angry 2414,depressed,I am alone,listener_1,2,Friends don't act that way. Consider the possibility that although you spend time with these people they are not your friends. Have you always been depressed?,-0.4125,negative,sad 2414,depressed,I am alone,speaker,3,"No, it’s more separate intervals of pure sadness than full-on all-the-time depression. Plus, I’ve known these people from Elementary so I don’t think this would be the case 🤔",-0.765,negative,neutral 2414,depressed,I am alone,listener_1,4,"What do you mean by ""all my friends quit me"".",0.4767,positive,angry 2414,depressed,I am alone,speaker,5,"Not really, I prefer to just drift with the tide than take a dive tbh... Besides, it usually cools down quickly but regardless.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2415,depressed,Rant. Please ignore,speaker,1,"I hate my family like so freaking much they are horrible and are the reason I have no confidence or self esteem. My sisters constantly bully me, criticise me, or are just horrible to me in general and my mum laughs it off but ass soon as o retaliate she acts like I’ve killed someone. It’s horrible. I’ve got nobody to talk to and my only outlet is cutting myself. I cry myself to sleep every night. I don’t think anyone even remotely understand how much my sisters constant bullying is effecting me. Everyone loves my sisters. They are the pretty and confident girls who are smart and do well in school. They are mean to me in front of my other family members and in public but people just laugh it off, thinking it’s just some fun. It’s not just some fun.ive been going through this my whole life. The only perk is I’m good at hiding my feelings. I’m good at bottling things up. I’m good at lying as if I tell my mum anything she’ll get angry at me. But I also have trust issues. I can’t let anyone to close to me otherwise they’ll ruin my life. They will take everything I’ve told them and use it against me. Blackmail me. Tell everyone. If my own sisters do it to me, why wouldn’t anyone else? They are the reason I can’t talk to anyone. The reason I have social anxiety. The reason why, anytime I’m in an argument with anyone, I can’t say anything or I want to start crying because it brings back bad memories. I have this wall built up and I hate it. But it’s the only way to protect myself. I feel worthless. Like I don’t amount to anything. Like I’m hideous. Like I’m a freak. Like I have a disgusting body. If my own family don’t like me why would anyone else? The though of killing myself is always on my mind. I need help but don’t know how to get it. This is just a personal rant I needed to let out. If you read this I am genuinely sorry for wasting your time with something silly like this.",-0.9817,negative,angry 2415,depressed,Rant. Please ignore,listener_1,2,"Stop it! You are not wasting our time. You deserve to express yourself. So don’t apologize, ok?! You deserve to be treated well. Period. Especially by family, but they are often the cruelest. Are you old enough and have the resources to see a therapist? Can you talk to a parent and tell them how it is making you feel? Can you tell them that their bullying hurts? You need to be you own best friend and advocate and stand up for yourself. You are not stupid, ugly, and you DO matter. I hope you realize that and take some action to stop behaviors that are obviously draining you. Take care.",0.9166,positive,angry 2415,depressed,Rant. Please ignore,listener_2,3,"As someone who doesn’t have “attractive” or “normal” facial features, I’m sorry this happened to you. I know what it’s like to live ignoring your own reflection and I’m sorry that we have to live like this. I’ve grown to learn that we’re all human and different. And that societies perception of beauty is fucked! So I try to ignore that perception more than my reflection. I have good and bad days but I’m surviving... I wish you many good days ahead of you my friend.",0.9299,positive,sympathizing 2415,depressed,Rant. Please ignore,listener_3,4,"I think its just because im a teenagers, from what ive heard all tenagers feel that way at some point, i just want to be alone with my online friends i met on discord that actualy care about me and they are acutual friends, not just some people that fuck around with me",0.3612,positive,trusting 2415,depressed,Rant. Please ignore,listener_2,5,"Yeah I hear you. 90% of teenagers out there are assholes IMO. And can be very cruel. It does get easier as you get older so that’s something to hold onto I suppose. For sure, there’s nothing wrong with having friends on the net. But don’t give up completely on meeting a bud who treats you well for the person you are. You’re very young so just stay strong!",0.8695,positive,agreeing 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,1,"Yea so I stayed up all night talking to her not gonna lie i loved every second of it. I pretty much told her how I felt but not full on just nugging it a little. She officially put me in the friend zone though that shit hurted for a bit. But I would rather see her happy then hurt her or make her mad at me. I will put her first then anyone else no matter she only considers me as a ""best friend"" or something more. I just to carry her on my shoulders and help her with everything no matter if it's big or small I only want her to have the best year before we graduate. Don't want her to feel sad anymore I don't want her to be hurt by another guy who just don't care about how she feels. She can't cry and neither can I . She wanted to cry last night over a guy that stood her up and to be honest it pissed me off. She is such a great person she's kind funny cute and she has the best personality I've ever met. She doesn't deserve being heart broken not even once. She is the only person I ever felt like this for and I'll never let her go like others have. I care to much to see her down. I'm sorry it just really got me by my feelings right now. I breaking down while writing this and I can't stop thinking about her. She's also suffering from depression and she said im to pure to be a friend cause I guess I'm 1 of the very few who really care about everything. Its long enough for now I'll see you in the comments or in my next post",0.9867,positive,faithful 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_1,2,"Dude. You deserve someone who loves you as a partner, and I'm sure she does too. You both deserve people who love you as partners and not just friends, and I'm sure one day you'll both find that. But for now, I think you have a best friend. Cherish each other and be there for each other. I don't know what problems you're both going through, but be there for each other. Hug her and tell her you'll be right there for her. If she sees you as a friend, that's okay. Because one day, you'll be happy with the one you truly love as a partner. I wish the best of luck to both of you.",0.9962,positive,faithful 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,3,Thanks man and i already planned on being there for her as much as i can. It kinda sucks being grind zoned but I'm happy if she's happy,0.909,positive,acknowledging 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,4,"From experience, dont say how you feel head on. If she is ready, you'll know it and she will be showing some signs too.",0.3612,positive,agreeing 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,5,Tbh idk what signs :/,-0.4215,negative,questioning 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,6,Dont worry about it. You'll know when the time comes. But just in case: the signs may include her giving you more attention than normal.,0.5863,positive,suggesting 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,7,That's gonna be hard we been talking a fucking ton,-0.1027,negative,confident 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,8,She may want to spend more time with you or may be intrested in what you do. I dont have experience with signs but this is what i have heard or gathered from watching other people.,0.0387,neutral,neutral 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,9,"You know the funny thing she been trying to get me to go over and hang with her last night, hmm even though I couldn't she pretty much begged.. I feel like shit not taking the opportunity It's kinda hard I know her enough to help her but idk what she's like when she flirts",0.5294,positive,apprehensive 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,10,As i said. I dont have person experience. But this seems like a good relationship.,0.7964,positive,neutral 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,11,Yea I showed a close friend to see what he thought he said we were both holding back and we both were flirting. Idk I can see it after he mentioned it however I doubt she likes me as I like her. Im just good at comforting and helping with their sadness.,0.8834,positive,confident 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,12,Here's another one: Met a girl last year. We talked for a month and i liked her (no its not the same person) decided to ask her out but she wasn't ready for any type of relationship. The moral is: dont rush.,-0.1938,negative,apprehensive 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_2,13,Heres a story: Took care of a depressed girl for a year. We both had our first kiss in april this year with eachother. It was just the heat of the moment but we thought it worked. Never asked eachother out and so never went out. Were still friends but everything changed when she took something i said about someone she really cared about (her cousin). When taken out of context i look like an asshole but when seen with context the seperation never made sense. In the end i am depressed partly because of that. I really liked her. But the moral of the story is: you may think someone has feelings for you but the person might have someone more important than you in her life. Dont say anything about that person. And i mean anything. That is a topic banned for discussion.,0.8938,positive,ashamed 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,14,Bro I didn't mean sexually,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_3,15,"You wanted to be her boyfriend, right?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,16,"And the part run away or escape the situation, I made her a promise to be there for her just as friends or hope for a relationship",0.8402,positive,faithful 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,17,Yeah but not anything sexual rn,0.1531,positive,neutral 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_3,18,"I get where you are coming from. You want to be a gentleman, that's good. But you are fooling yourself if you don't think sex is underlining any relationship. That's the root cause of attraction. It's not reason or logic, it's hormones. It colours every interaction, consciously or not. It's why you got friend zoned.",0.7814,positive,agreeing 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,speaker,19,"I know what you mean , and yes sex is great but I'm not attracted to her like that and I got friend zoned by beeing the ""nice guy"" same thing happened to my homie",0.9127,positive,agreeing 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_3,20,"Right, that's a big part of it. Look, it's kinda ""red pill"" to say it, but girls like bad boys. They want the alpha male types. If you ain't it, then find someone interested in what you are. A friendship goes both ways, right? What are you getting out of this friendship with her? It sounds like you are just getting a wad of emotional trauma. It's probably not so simple, but take the time to examine what you are getting out of all this and determine if it's worth it. Unless she saved your life in Vietnam or something you don't owe her your misery, whatever you said in some fleeting emotional state. You are putting your happiness on hold for her, waiting forever for her to change her mind about you. She probably won't. Look, I don't know you from Adam, but by the time you get to middle age like me, you've seen this kind of thing a lot. Go out, be you, do the things you enjoy and keep an eye open for a young lady who seems like she might be receptive. But don't spend your time trying to win over the love of someone who doesn't want yours.",0.9918,positive,questioning 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_4,21,You were doing well until this obvious red pill line. You even know it is. To say girls only want bad boys is the same as saying guys only want ditzy blondes. Don't generalize with complete bullshit. Everything else you said was good advice. Keep it that way.,-0.4019,negative,angry 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_3,22,"It's hard not to be offended from a reply like this. In no way did I (or do I) recommend that anyone follow or believe in some repulsive, dehumanizing redpill lifestyle. But trends and statistics are what they are, I won't lie because the truth can be shitty. It's my opinion that people need to find a way to live in the world they actually live in, not the impossible one they might want to. You want to threaten or ban me over it, go ahead, it's ultimately no skin off my nose. I won't lie just to stay in a sub.",-0.9018,negative,angry 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_4,23,Trends? Statistics? Give proof if you are going to use words like that. They don't exist so stop with the bullshit and get over yourself. You said something insulting to all women and then are worried that me pointing that out personally offends *you.* I'm not going to ban you for this. Just quit using your narrow opinion as fact.,-0.8751,negative,angry 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_3,24,"> Trends? Statistics? Give proof if you are going to use words like that. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1474704916631615#sec-27 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S019188691500210X https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1090513815001075 There are three journals that took a moment to find. Note they are all recent, but studies on this topic go back decades *if you take a moment to look, which you didn't before claiming this was bullshit* -- whos ""narrow opinion as fact"" now? This is such a well known trend at this point. It's also *not a jab at women*, this is biology playing out in unpredictable ways. It takes barely a seconds thought to pick up on the often poor dating habits of men as well. Just denying it isn't going to make anyones life better, understanding it just might. Both sexes often make poor dating choices based on biology pushing us in directions that might have made sense in our ancestral past but don't today. This is not news to anyone who's done a moments research on the topic. > They don't exist so stop with the bullshit and get over yourself. Yeah I just proved that wrong pretty easily. Get over yourself. > You said something insulting to all women I did no such thing. You should not be a mod. > I'm not going to ban you for this. Now that I've demonstrated the research behind my ""opinions"" lets see how you react.",-0.9349,negative,surprised 2416,depressed,She only cares about being friends,listener_4,25,"That's not how proof works. Your first link had a sample size so small, it does not represent a trend nor fact. It's no different than the random ""studies"" they present on morning shows that say eating some food will make you live longer. The second link has no study included and the abstract is not exhaustive enough to see the size and accuracy of the study. The third link says nothing to your point. If you want to go discuss in-depth the dating habits of genders, find the appropriate subreddit. But on this subreddit, do not generalize for your opinion that degrades half our users. *You* do not get to decide that what you said is not insulting. Your comment was reported so clearly it was deemed to be and I agree. I won't allow the same toward men either as I commented on another post recently that said men never care about personality. Both sexes making poor dating choices does not equate to women or men only wanting one type of thing. Also, you answered your own accusation. If these are deemed poor dating choices, and you are telling someone how to get into a real relationship that lasts, steering them towards fulfilling the stereotype that leads to poor dating choices is clearly not going to work. Stop responding. Just, in the future, do not make an entire gender seem incapable of knowing what's best for themselves because one guy is desperate for a girl to like him.",-0.8868,negative,annoyed 2417,depressed,A Failure (short),speaker,1,"am a slow learner, no good at socializing, looking for a job for 2 years still havnt got any and just got laidoff one job cuz of my preformance first day doing it, wasted years in school just messing about which resulted in failing my grades then retook em failed again so now am going to retake my grades again almost 18 my pearents think am going to fail again bored as fuck no job no money slowly running out of clothes too been wearing the same trainers for 2 years no netflix, dont barely leave the house cuz friends are introverts ama failure am fucked in life am a dumb fuck and i dont know how to make myself smarter",-0.9852,negative,ashamed 2417,depressed,A Failure (short),listener_1,2,"A good way to start getting smarter would be to try and teach yourself. Go to the library and find some books to read or use your textbooks from school. Study more even if you dont want to. Doing more schoolwork can be boring but with practice and concentration you can easily do better in school. You got this dude. Life isnt always fair, you just gotta keep moving and never give up.",0.7715,positive,hopeful 2417,depressed,A Failure (short),speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2417,depressed,A Failure (short),speaker,4,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2417,depressed,A Failure (short),listener_2,5,Your welcome if you ever need to vent or someone to talk too just send me a message.,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,speaker,1,"Lately I've been feeling crappy about myself but today it took the cake, probably had the worst day of my life on how my parents kept shouting at me of how useless I am even though I help around the house and just now I think I went through a break up even though I wanted to talk things out and find a way to fix my relationship but turns out it was just a mistake, if I would have shut up about the entire thing maybe I would still have a relationship but I guess not. Anyways I'm about to actually kill myself cause no matter what I do is a mistake and makes everything bad to worse and honestly I don't want to keep living this way when I just want a shot to make things right, im fucking garbage a waste of space and probably will end up killing myself tonight. Sorry for the long rant but I just needed to get this shit out of my chest.",-0.994,negative,ashamed 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,listener_1,2,Hey,0.0,neutral,wishing 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,listener_1,3,"This is a second account but I just want to tell you if you want to talk I'm here. I'm going to go to bed in 15 or 20 min bc I have to get up in 4 hours but I want to let you know that I'll talk to you whenever you need if I can. I was depressed as a kid and still sometimes. My main cause was because I am bi. But I know how shitty you feel and how you feel worthless but you're not. I am on here to cheer people up and to hopefully save a life. I know this is cliché but honestly things will get better. When you're old enough to move out (I don't know how old you are) Even if you can't live on your own I'm sure there is someone that would take you in at your school. If it's a teacher, a friend, or a sports coach but I'm sure someone will help you. Even though I know you most likely don't want to you need to go to a therapist. It really will help you out. If you want to talk dm me and I'll talk with you. I really hope you don't commit suicide tonight. I know this might sound lie bs, but I genuinely do care about you and your mental health.",0.9905,positive,sentimental 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,speaker,4,Hi...?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,speaker,5,I don't really have friends so tht would be good for me rn,0.0361,neutral,lonely 2418,depressed,I'm hopeless,listener_2,6,Dm me!,0.0,neutral,questioning 2419,depressed,How do I stop feeling dead inside,speaker,1,"Guys I need some advice on how I stop feeling dead inside. I feel like nothing, everyday is the same. Even the videogames doesn't help me anymore. Anyone feels the same or any advice?",-0.6964,negative,questioning 2419,depressed,How do I stop feeling dead inside,listener_1,2,You need a sense of achievment in your life. Do something that gets you something as a reward.,0.5719,positive,hopeful 2419,depressed,How do I stop feeling dead inside,speaker,3,"Thanks for the reply, that's a good tip",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,speaker,1,i miss the feeling of sadness. it was comforting. i’ve been thinking about this for a while. ive been testing the water for stoping my meds. not taking them one day then taking it the next day. idk happiness is scary. i just really miss the comfort sadness gave me. i miss the isolation. i hate having to talk to people. i hate the way i act. i hate the way i am. i was simple when i was sad. i miss it. i miss it so god damn much.,-0.9706,negative,lonely 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,listener_1,2,"This has always been my biggest fear and probably the thing that's stopping me the most from going to therapy and getting help or using any meds... I always wonder who I'd be if i were ever happy. I've grown fond of the emptiness or the feeling of sadness. It is me. Who else could be me. Certainly not someone always with a smile. I fear of loosing myself as it's the only thing I really enjoy. The company of the sad apathetic person I've become and the comforting hope of at least always understanding myself. It's scary what's happening to you. Don't even know what'd I'd do in your situation and I really don't want to interrupt your process of getting better. But.. I believe the most meaningful thing in this weird life is you, the you that makes the most sense when you have to be alone with yourself.",0.3698,positive,lonely 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,speaker,3,"the scariest part of it all for me is that i may never be able to go back. some things meds have done to brain will never change. now as i look back i regret it immensely. being happy just isn’t who i am. being sad was just part of my personality. the sadness and emptiness inside of me made me feel comfortable, happy. now that it’s gone i feel lost. my support system that was sadness is now gone. i’m so upset with myself i agreed to do any to do any of this. i just want the REAL me back.",-0.5371,negative,lonely 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,listener_1,4,"That sounds awful. Especially the realization that you willingly agreed to do this to yourself. I hope this feeling fades and you can feel real again. But if you say that meds change something in your brain that can't be changed back.. Well then I guess you'll have to learn to live with new feelings. Who knows what they'll bring up in the long turn. And speaking of that. I really wonder what happens after someone that's been taking meds for a long time finally reaches the point of being ""healed"". I don't feel it can be real you after that anymore. Just a person that flows well with what society thinks is a stable person. My sister is taking meds for her depression right now. She says she feels better, happier and doesn't feel like a different person.. I wonder sometimes if that's true. Too scared to find out myself. But I do hope you can find a way out of this twisted situation.",0.928,positive,sad 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,speaker,5,thank you for all of your love and support. i wish you well in life and i hope the best for you. i really really really appreciate you and everything you said. thank you so god damn much.,0.977,positive,wishing 2420,depressed,i miss the feeling,listener_1,6,"Well if you ever need someone to talk to feel free. Other thank that, just saw something I've been thinking about for a while so no problem. Love and support.",0.8347,positive,acknowledging 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,1,"I don't really know how to call this, maybe is a rant maybe is a takeoff my chest, maybe i'm just being a crybaby... but i'm so tired, i have been like this for a long time now, somethimes is depressed, sometimes is just tired, of this shitty world of this shitty society of my bad choices, of my good choices that give me an excuse to live. I also have this feeling that says ""you do not belong here"" somekind of nostalgia for the past, and ironically everyother people i meet sooner or later says something like ""you sound/behave/look like you should have been born in the middle ages"" That's not what brought me here. I know i'm capable of standing that (i have been standing it for the last 10 years of my life). A few months ago i finally found a girl that on sight made me forgot about everything, like a huge burden just got lifted. and everything worked so fine so perfectly... at least in 90% of everything, the other 10% i was sure we can fix it with time and patience... she made me laugh hard, made feel happy and really alive, best part was according to her it was the same i was the first men she actually wanted to marry, to have sons to share a life with... and i lose her, due to several stuff (that started with me being kind of and a-hole sending some messages onf fb) and get worse whit she treating me like a piece of garbage during her thesis defense. we broke up... better said she broke up with me. It hurts me harder than anything in my life (and i belive me when i say i have gotten into some really nasty falls and accidents ) i feel like i couldnt breath. In a desperate and stupid attemp to win her back: I cried, i ask a friend to please arrange a meeting, go to her home (only to return without talking to her because when i called her and she picked up i din't had the courage to tell her i was nearly at her front door) I broke all my rules for her, i even call her mother to see if she can intercede for me. in the end... on a day i wen't to gift her some cookies (she loves cookies) i meet her on the way to her home, we chat just a bit... she seemed happy, but it kills me see her and the eyes and not see that bright like before. i could well have been just another guy saying hi... months passed and sometimes we talk a bit, just a few text messages, to deal with it i have done a lot of excercise and meditation, i went to a psychologist... date other girls, etc. and everything ""went better"" the pain fade away bit by bit, i still thought of her every now and then of course, but it was ""better"". The last few days without a real reason she started to pop up on my mind again, maybe because we haven't talk in the last month i don't know finally i thought i'd do something, maybe invite her to go out. Yesterday i did it, ask by text how she has been and say my birthday was in three days (wich is true) and that i want to take an ice cream with her. nothing more nothing less. she told she coulnd't she was busy, i still ask what day she wasn't busy ""all of tehm i'm busy"" was the answer... it was like everything started again, i even got fever... and now i'm here feeling worst than before, i would have been happy (or at least have a normal life) facing my old demons, but facing them and losing her it's killing me... don't know what more to ad... thanks for reading me.",0.9497,positive,sad 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",listener_1,2,"Not sure if you're looking for input or not, but if so I'd say it sounds like you got the same as me, some kinda of codependency issue. You put your self worth in the hands of this girl, and that's always a dangerous thing to do.",-0.008,neutral,acknowledging 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,3,"Sorry i was... really out of a lot of stuff... it took quite some massive job of myself, to start getting out of the hole, i'm a bit better now... yeah i think it was/is? somethign like that... more like i know i can be happy without her but not the same level of happiness?",0.9128,positive,sympathizing 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",listener_1,4,I know that feeling. It's a shit thing to be dealing with. But it's a lie we are telling ourselves. Some kind of crosswired self protection thing.,-0.2617,negative,agreeing 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,5,What is a lie? the happiness part?,0.6072,positive,questioning 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",listener_1,6,"Yes, the lie that we aren't ever going to be as happy without them, that we aren't enough, that we need them to make us more than we are. We are complete and interesting people on our own. We are enough. And we found love before, we will find it again. There's something that needs healing, which is why we are in pain. When we find our way through that the rest will fall in place. I love you, and you are not alone.",0.9427,positive,faithful 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,7,It's good to know i'm loved and not alone :3,0.7039,positive,lonely 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,8,"I guess so, but to be honest this is the first time i really feel this way... i think i feel someting close with another girl but it wasn't this strong.",0.0667,positive,neutral 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",listener_1,9,"It can't be while you still feel attached to her. You will have to try and let it go. And that's ok. You can still appreciate what you had and the memories while moving on. Go ahead and grieve the loss and work towards acceptance. And be patient. If we let what we thought we had die, we can be open to the better things coming in our future.",-0.0516,negative,sad 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",listener_1,10,Anytime friend. That's why we are on here right. We need help sometimes remembering we are not the only one going through it. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk.,0.8481,positive,trusting 2421,depressed,"So Tired, so sad, so burnt out of everything (especially lying to myself)",speaker,11,"Thanks friend, i will.",0.7269,positive,wishing 2421,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_2,1,"I feel really bad. And it’s both a psychological and physical thing, like it hurts both ways. The worst thing about it is that i don’t know why. I don’t know how i feel. I don’t know what to do to feel better. I don’t even know if i want to feel better. It’s not like i have suicidal thoughts or anything, but God, it is so hard.",-0.6311,negative,sad 2421,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_3,2,"Hi... I think I can relate. The thing for me is that I can’t ever put how I feel into words. Although, much of the time I feel sad but I never know why. Some days I wake up in moods where I just feel like bleh and sad and then another day I’ll feel really good. I can’t ever control it and it makes me so confused. Another weird thing is that sometimes when I’m happy, I miss being sad and vice versa. Lastly, when I’m sad and in a mood, many times I dry to myself how I want to die, but I. D.o.n.t want to kill myself, if that makes sense.",-0.9692,negative,anxious 2421,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_2,3,"Yeah that totally makes sense to me, i understand you. Thank you for replying <3",0.5719,positive,agreeing 2421,depressed,Can anyone relate?,listener_4,4,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,speaker,1, **How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?**,0.7579,positive,angry 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,listener_1,2,time will tell you,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,speaker,3,"Idk, maybe. I just need closure about this aspect",-0.1027,negative,suggesting 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,listener_2,4,love yourself 1st. others will follow. everyone is just a follower anyways.,0.6369,positive,neutral 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,listener_3,5,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,listener_4,6,Me too please,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,speaker,7,I don't know how,0.0,neutral,grateful 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,listener_5,8,yes u do,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2422,depressed,How to accept that i don't deserve to be loved?,speaker,9,But what if there aren't people that can understand me? I mean no one can understand me,-0.4215,negative,afraid 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,1,"She trusts me more then I ever expected and treats me so nice that I can't help myself to treat her better then anyone else. She wanted me to help her pick between 2 guys she liked ( won't lie it hurt me a little ) and I told her it's her journey, she has to let her soul and heart decide. I told her that she will be challenged and tested. Let me just skip that stuff anyways she said i was deep and that I was special, I just said im not special theirs nothing special about me. She kept going to cheer me up. But I just kept downgrading myself. Idk why but I don't like it when people help me(people ik irl) but she eventually stopped and we are talking like normal now. I'm just trying to help her, support her, and care for her. I planned on telling her howvto felt at school tomorrow but after helping her with 2 guys I feel like shit just thinking about telling her after that. Idk how to explain it but it feels like I'm taking advantage of the situation and her feelings. I just needed to vent thank you so much for reading and please tell me im not the only one. Good night * it's 2:02 am rn*",0.9907,positive,trusting 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_1,2,Tell her how you feel!,0.0,neutral,questioning 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,3,It's more complicated right now I wished I told her sooner,0.0,neutral,neutral 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_2,4,ok then dont tell her. Wait for the right moment. She may confess to you before you do to her.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,5,I plan on it but idk when that time will come. It may be after high school before it's the right time,-0.1531,negative,apprehensive 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_2,6,"Well, good luck to you on this journey.",0.7906,positive,wishing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,7,Thank ya bub,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,8,It didn't . i hope yours has turned out the way you want,-0.2746,negative,consoling 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,9,"Ah shit, i feel you bro. Well lets hope we find something better. Stay strong.",0.765,positive,consoling 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,10,Yea bub good luck to the both of us bro,0.7096,positive,wishing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,11,May our life be better As we gather the strength To pull ourself together And to strive with great length I hope this words can help you As this is also an advice for myself From a brother to another brother,0.9413,positive,hopeful 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,12,Those words was helpfully bro and sorry I didn't reply sooner I was in middle of class,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,13,Oh no its okay were on a different time zone,-0.434,negative,neutral 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,14,Oh shit im Central wby,-0.5574,negative,annoyed 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,15,China standard I live in east asia. You?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,16,North America USA central pretty much near Texas,0.4939,positive,anticipating 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,17,Ouhh well its good talking to you. Its 5 am right here and i can't sleep btw.,0.6124,positive,acknowledging 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,18,Yep ik how that is bro and it's 4 pm rn,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,19,So how was class?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,20,Sucks but better then being bored all summer,0.1154,positive,neutral 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,21,Yeah its better to do something than nothing right,0.6249,positive,agreeing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,22,Yep it's 100 times better,0.6249,positive,agreeing 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,23,Good for you bro,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,24,Since your in was Asia / China are you using translations to read this or you know english,0.0,neutral,neutral 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,listener_3,25,Yeah i can type in english well but not so much when speaking.,0.2846,positive,neutral 2423,depressed,She got me falling for her again,speaker,26,Yea I understand that,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,speaker,1,"So, this is my first post here. This is going to be long and I don't even know if any of you is going to actually read my post but I need to say this to someone. So, here goes... I have been depressed for years now. There have been ups and downs. I have always been kinda ashamed of it because I didn't want to be perceived weak. I blew up my friendships because of it. I became a loner at my college and I just wanted it to be over. I finally told my parents and they were supportive- they got me medications for it. And for a moment I felt free of the burden. I worked hard for myself for next two months and after college, I got myself into this great institute for further business studies. Now.... I don't know what my parents thought my depression was but suddenly they were like ""You're into a great institute now. Good place, better people- *We don't think you need any reasons to be depressed now*."" I thought, yes, its not okay to be totally depended on my medications and the only way I can get out of this is to maybe start all over again. It's never too late, right? So I decided that I will be this totally different person now. I will meet new people and I will not make same mistakes to isolate myself again. But the thing is, even if you are in a new place and you're trying to be this new (more real) version of yourself, your past still catches up to you. I had wasted last 6 years being depressed and being in bed all day. Too insecure to try anything. And those 6 years aren't going to just vanish. These things had consequences. Now I am here in this great place but I am the dumbest person here. I have no skills. No interest. Nothing in my resume. I try to be better but its like my brain doesn't process information anymore. I can't even explain it to anyone. It's like my brain functions are deteriorating. It scares the hell out of me. And its so suffocating in this competitive environment that I sometimes question why did they even selected me in the interview. But I still try to be positive. It's okay, right? There's no need to live in my past. I will work with whatever I have and make the best out of it. *But your professional life is not everything. You need a personal life.* I have zero social skills because in the last few years, I had totally given up on interacting with people. I am ugly and i am insecure about it. But I have grown out of it a little now. I still know I am ugly, but I have stopped being insecure about it. And I had decided that I will talk to people here. This is my second chance and I will not let my insecurities get the best of me. So I put myself out there. Whenever I am outside my dorm, I try to interact with someone. To have a casual conversation, maybe I will find some similarity, maybe this will turn into a friendship? But it's not working. It's not working at all. I swear I am trying my best here to not lock myself in my room again. But people are not giving me any chance. No matter how helpful I am, how kind I am, how sincere I am, people never seem to have interest in me. Rather, they ignore me. They literally ignore what I am saying. And not in ""she's being desperately clingy"" kind of way, I would have accepted that. They ignore me like I am not there in the room. They do not show any sign that they hear what I say. They don't react to me at all. Not even a nod or a ""hmm"". And this goes for everyone- casual encounters, the ""hi"" I give to people passing by, my classmates, my project group- EVERYONE. I even thought that maybe I am speaking too low. I actively tried being loud and clear-No Change. When we are standing in groups, no one makes eye contact with me. Not even once. It's like I'm invisible. And it hurts so bad. I had the worst time of my life last year. I did things to myself that I am not proud of. And now that I am trying so hard to get out of this, to be positive, it's not working. My parents think that I am the one who is isolating myself again. They ask me why am I not making any friends. How do I tell them that I am trying my best here. I want to get better too, you know. But how do I make friends in such an environment where no one is ready to even acknowledge my presence. What is so wrong with me? What? Is it because I am ugly or fat? Or maybe because I can't be as funny as others? Maybe it's because I do not bring anything new to the table? What's so wrong with me? I don't want to be alone here. I am so scared that I am going to fall in the same hole again. PS- Sorry for the bad grammar. And a for writing such an incoherent mess. I just needed to let it out. To say it to someone, even if it's a bunch of strangers.",-0.9649,negative,ashamed 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,listener_1,2,"This feels like looking at a mirror with some minor changes in life circumstances. One thing I can offer is.. if the medication seemed to work, you have to battle the internal dialogue and make sure you can get back to a place that will quell the depression. So many people think you'll be 'dependent' on anti depressants and that is such a victim complex for your inability to just 'act right'. Everyone has certain deficiencies in their lives, which is why we have vitamins and food tables and work out programs. Think of anti depressants as something that has potential to balance you out. Now, I'm not telling you how to live your life and I'm certainly not an expert, but just trying to add clarity to what seems like a glaring issue based on the info you've provided. Some forms of depression are situational like.. ""I'm not where I'd want to be and that makes me depressed"". Other forms are clinical and run in the family and no singular situation will be able to rationalize the reason you can't get out of bed, other than... I just can't fucking do it. No one can fix your perception of yourself except *cliche imminent* yourself. You bring value to yourself and one way to increase your value is attempt small victories. You may be in a position where you notice everyone exceeding you and that seems like a burden all on its own because you may feel in order to catch up, you have to take major leaps, which seem impossible when over analyzed. Another consideration may be to seek therapy. People that shame therapy are either ones that never went, never got what they wanted from it, or feel like it doesnt do anything at all. If you are receptive to wanting to heal portions of yourself, it is something to consider. Thing is, you have to.. want it to work. Tl;dr: Notice the ways in which you can achieve small wins and consider finding remedies that can help you achieve balance within your mind/body.",0.6275,positive,sad 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,speaker,3,Thank you all. This is really appreciated :),0.8545,positive,wishing 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,speaker,4,"Yeah, thanks for your advice. The thing is, I come from the part of the world where therapy is kind of a social taboo. Or should I say that we cannot actually afford it. Secondly, I am not sure if it was my medication that helped or just the mere fact that I had told my parents and they were supporting me at that point. If you know what I mean (They drove me to all my interviews and visited me more often. Things like that). I just felt more oriented then. But when I got selected, my parents kind of stopped my stress and anxiety medication. For them, it's kind of like if I am succeeding academically and scoring good, then what am I even stressed about? And they kind of decided for me that I don't need it anymore. I am not saying that my parents are not trying to help. They are concerned and they try to support, I just think that they do not understand how depression and anxiety works. It's like my family is too proud of me to accept that something might be wrong. *""It's just a phase"" ""It's all in your head""* So I don't think therapy and medication is an option. But yes, small steps and small victories seem like something I can start with. So thanks again. For giving your time and advice. I may sound a little naive maybe, but I'm just trying to let it out. I just need someone to listen even if they don't reply or agree with my thought process",0.979,positive,neutral 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,listener_2,5,"I’m sorry this is so difficult. Depression sucks. People (your parents in this instance) need to realize that some depression is chemical. That the medicine is like blood pressure medication. It is medically necessary. It isn’t sugar or caffeine that gives you a boost/happy feeling. It is a medical need. Your doctor that was prescribing this needs to back you up as a professional, that it is needed for your health. That said, getting more social, doing well at your job. That all hinges on being in a good mental place. If you can’t get the medicine you need, the alternatives that can make small improvements, are little things. Exercise, getting enough sleep, eating healthy, good hygiene, doing little splurges for yourself (new haircut, dressing up just because), and taking time for yourself to have hobbies; all of this is necessary for good mental health. Make a list for yourself. Things you can do on your own, things you need help with, and celebrate each one you complete. When you are depressed, achievements/completing things are a big deal. Be nice to yourself, and feel free to unload here any time.",0.8773,positive,sympathizing 2424,depressed,Is anyone else going through this?,speaker,6,"I know exactly how that feels. But try to think of it this way. The mere fact that you are able to function in this society with that shit going in your head, makes you strong. Think of how strong you are if you are dealing with all this till now. Of course depression is not a desirable state of mind and we have to get to a better place. But until I get there, I use this thought to keep me going and to know that I am not weak or a freak. We just have to channel our strength in a right way. I don't know if I am able to convey this correctly through my words (English is not my first language), but if you wanna talk, we all are here for you. You can also check out the suggestions given by other people who have commented. :)",0.8367,positive,confident 2424,depressed,Hi,listener_3,1,"I've never really gone on reddit before, let alone make any contributions so apologies for being nooby. I just got back from a trip with my family out of our home country, and it was all our first time going somewhere so far from home. I feel very sick, maybe pneumonia, but I'm having trouble calling my doctor to make an appointment about it. And for my medication, I haven't been taking it all. I don't know what to do, I'm so tired and i want death to take me away.",-0.9542,negative,apprehensive 2424,depressed,Hi,listener_4,2,Where did you visit?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2424,depressed,Hi,listener_3,3,Paris and Germany,0.0,neutral,excited 2424,depressed,Hi,listener_4,4,"Hell yeah, jealous. Did you eat any good food",-0.5423,negative,agreeing 2424,depressed,Hi,listener_3,5,"Yes, I tried a lot of German sweets and snacks",0.7096,positive,agreeing 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,1,"I’ve finally come to terms that no ones gonna come to my rescue, that I need to actually help myself. Get myself together. After constantly trying to get my friends to help me by slipping them clues about my depression and flat out just telling them I’ve realized that I really shouldn’t be laying it on them or anyone else. I’m a sad, broken person. But that’s who I am. I’m wasting away my life doing nothing but stare at my screen and recently, being on my phone to try and entertain and distract myself from how I feel just isn’t cutting it anymore. I’m tired of the situation I’m in, I actually hate it... but I’m going to have to bring some light into the darkness I’m feeling. At least try and turn it around to be better than it is instead of dwelling with it. I can’t do social media right now, I’m going to try and cut it out of my life for a bit. Just so I can get myself together so that I’m strong enough to not go out onto the internet and make another stupid post that no one will actually read all the way through about how sad I am. I want to be happy, but at the same time I have this urge to just crawl back into this fucking shit hole I’ve dug myself in. The hole I dug myself when I suddenly realized that my life was crumbling because of me. Because I was weak, because I was open to the negativity that flooded my life. That throughout the last semester of my freshman year of constantly crying myself to sleep that I was the one that was scared of getting the help I needed until it was too late. I wanted someone to notice... to take the burden off my shoulders, instead of telling them my pain because I was too scared to say it. Because I didn’t want to feel vulnerable to others. I’ve tried online therapy that ended into me not wanting to go to a therapist at all even though I know not all therapist were like the “therapist” I met on (not gonna directly say the name because I don’t want them coming for me) *Greater*help (you know which one of talking about) . Help my ass. I’m thinking about drawing again, trying new things to help my moral. Something to make me a better happier person than the one I am right now. Its going to take a while, I know, but it will be worth it. I’m just trying to figure out how I’m just going to work this all out really. My feelings to be exact, because it really is a roller coaster. I’m thinking about actually telling my parents, I think just my mom... but I do need to tell my dad. My dads current suffering from depression severe ptsd, and is bipolar and I don’t want to add more pain onto him, that in fact his daughter is a totally mess and depressed all the time. I need therapy, I know. My depression isn’t as severe as before but the scars are still there and I really can’t move on if I don’t completely understand my emotions and how they work. I’ll update this when I do get myself together hopefully. I didn’t really want to post this but really... I’m writing this for me. So, for the poor individual that stumbled upon this. Sorry, and goodbye. I’ll be back later. I guess.",-0.9968,negative,lonely 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,listener_1,2,HAng in there. These subs have been so great. Lots of people willing to grab your ear and be there for you. DM if you ever need to.,0.7384,positive,grateful 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,3,"Thanks, I’ve been doing a lot better recently.",0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,listener_2,4,Seconded,0.0,neutral,lonely 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,5,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,6,"Agreed, I cut it off as soon as I made this post... and God was it so much better. I felt completely rejuvenated. At first it was weird but now... I’m getting real used to not having my phone with me or being on social media as often or at all.",0.3158,positive,content 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,7,"Thanks, having a journal to vent is a really good idea. I’m still through the healing process so, yeah, I’ll get one thanks. I’ve talked to my parents and therapist about medication but I’m not really feeling it. I’m too scared I’m gonna get hooked on them.",-0.0345,neutral,acknowledging 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,8,"Thank you so much for the comment, I’ve been doing a lot better. My home life is finally stable and I think for the time being, I am too. I’m finally content with myself on a level I’m ok with. I’m starting to get that bounce in my step again and I feel pretty good. It was so nice to see people actually reply, which I really didn’t expect. I hope you’re doing better. If you need someone to talk to about this or anything, I’m also open. Thanks again <3",0.9781,positive,content 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,listener_2,9,Hope you are doing better.,0.7003,positive,consoling 2425,depressed,I’ve come to terms with it.,speaker,10,"I am, I really am. I feel so much better. Thank you.",0.7133,positive,grateful 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,speaker,1,"Um, well I never really made a post on reddit before but here I am crying and looking for any form of help so uh, hi there. Welcome to my life story My name is Maryam and I come from a really strict Muslim family, and while I am a trying Muslim, my family is a whole level higher. They've always had problems with me since I was young, but my earliest memory of things going bad is around when I was 9 years old. I used to get bullied for wearing hijab and would secretly take it off in school so that the kids wouldn't bother me about it. My parents found out and got mad and I guess since then I questioned religion. When I was 11 I developed a crush on a boy in my grade, which seems perfectly normal for most people, even cute for some. It was an innocent crush, I wanted him to like me, I was 11 and literally did not know what anything was, but my older sister found out from one of her friends who had a sibling in my grade. They told me that if I ever had feelings like that I should just lock them away and not think about them. But as an 11 year old and emotional person, I didn't do that. I like people and I like the whole soft lets hold hands and eat lunch together thing. In eighth grade he slow danced with me during our middle school graduation luncheon. The same girl had told her older sister who told my older sister. My parents were furious, my dad beat me with a belt that day. (I've gotten hit plenty of times before that but this time was the first with a belt). A year later I started high school, the same highschool my older sister attended, she was a senior at the time. That year consisted of me trying to find a place where I fit in. I tried going to different clubs and I really like 3 clubs; the art club, the improv club, and the anime club. My sister said not to go since they were all weirdos. She tried getting me to join JROTC, which I did try. I didn't know anyone there, it wasn't fun, I ended up quitting. The friends I had in freshman year were kind of fake and dropped me during the beginning of sophomore year. I still don't know what I did to make those girls hate me but oh well. That year was a mess. I was alone and sad and didn't know what to do so I acted out of pure defiance. Stopped caring about religion, shaved part of my head, even had an online boyfriend, which my family also found out about and they made me break up with him over the phone in front of them, he was crying, wasn't fun. (He's fine though, he messaged me a few years later saying he was sorry that things ended roughly and that I was a great help to him, and that he would never forget me.) My dad also forced me to wear hijab or he would transfer me to an all muslim school. I did it because I didn't want to transfer. I ran away from home the day he told me that, some police officers had to take me home because I was hiding in a random apartment building. They told me tough it out until I'm 18 because they're my parents (surprise I'm 19 and I'm still here so :D) During that year I made some good friends, I don't talk to them that often cuz we're all doing our own things but at the time they were a big help. I also came out as pan to my friends that year which was nice for us. Until junior year where my sister went onto my laptop and stalked my tumblr, found a post mentioning that I was gay for some kpop idol and another where i said i was pan, and told my mother. Obviously she was furious because being gay was never regarded well with religion, especially with the more conservative values. So lots of yelling that day, my dad would read me verses of the quran where he tried finding evidence that being homosexual was a sin. I didn't have a fun time being myself at all, in fact I started hating myself more than ever. Which comes to my senior year of high school and my first ever suicide attempt. I would go to the school nurses and the counselor because a friend overheard me saying I wanted to die and she said it would be better to talk to an adult about how I felt. They were very helpful and kind, however since they were a school they were obliged to tell my parents that I was saying these things. One day I just didn't get up for school, I was feeling like absolute garbage, and when everyone left the house, I went and sat on the window ledge of my dad's bathroom. It was high up and I wanted to jump but something stopped me. I went back inside and locked myself in my room and I texted my friend Diane for help. I just told her go to the counselor or someone I want to die right now and I don't trust myself to leave. The principal was informed and called my parents about my mental state and asked them to go home and check on me. My parents came back from their drives to work and...well...yelled at me through the door. You think when your child is considering death you would try to calm them down, give them a hug or some form of comfort. Instead I was met with more fear inducing yelling which made me want to not come outside even more than I did before. My mom ended up breaking my door open (It's still broken btw) and dragging me outside saying that I shouldn't be telling the school things like this, what would they think of us (maybe that you should help me mother) etc etc I ended up writing down what I felt because I was physically too scared to speak. I tried explaining that being at home makes me depressed to the point that I want to die and I would rather dorm for college because the space is needed for me not to go insane (that didn't happen). She said I wouldn't be depressed if I just listened to her. They had to take me to the emergency room to get me clearance to go back to school and recommended family therapy (also never happened). Things have only gotten worse since then. I thought I could survive if I could just see my friends everyday and have a reason to smile for at least a couple hours out of the day, but whenever I went home I'd be met with so much toxicity. I have really great friends and a boyfriend that help me out with this stuff but sometimes it's still hard. Hard to think that when you're literally on antidepressants and every reason points to your family's attitude they somehow point fingers back at me, saying I make them upset, that I never listen, that I'm ungrateful and disrespectful. I can't take it anymore. I don't want to be here. Being here makes me want to harm myself and even when they know that because they have literally seen my scars and I had to again write down for them why I felt this way, they still just won't let me leave. I'm not even telling them I never want to see them again, I just want my own space where I don't cry everyday because of them being there. I really want to move out but I don't know how I would pay for school or rent if I did, but I also dont know how I'm going to survive another 3 years of being here. I just I don't know why I wrote all of this I am sorry that it is so long, but if you read it, thank you. I'll shut up now",0.8964,positive,afraid 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry I can't do anything more than type. I'm truly sorry. Your family sound like a bunch of a-holes. If they see this, then you guys should be a better family to your daughter. You want what's best for her? Well it seems like your ""best"" isn't enough at all. When you get the chance to, run. Not run away, that... That's kinda dumb. The moment you graduate cut all ties. Make sure they can't see this. Reddit can be your safe place, and I sure you that subs like this are a safe place for people like you. For three more years, Reddit can be your safe place. Running away is unpredictable and I feel it's better to play safe for now. Listen to music. Distract yourself. Do you have hobbies? Any aspirations? Distract yourself with that. Your friends will be there for you, your bf too. Talk to them. I... Honestly don't know what else to say. Other than, we'll be here for you. We won't leave. Good luck.",0.9905,positive,sympathizing 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,speaker,3,thank you so much...i'll be sure to use this place as a safeplace your words really mean alot,0.6204,positive,acknowledging 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,speaker,4,"yea i tried that thing when i turned 18 too they've laid off a little bit but thats because i just stopped caring and they gave up in trying to keep me at home all day. I wish they let me have guy friends tbh i have female aliases for all my guy friends and boyfriend so that if i ever have to be like i want to hang out its a girl's name because saying ""hey im going to see Joshua"" would be far too obvious hes actually one of the biggest supports i have. hes the first person i tell this stuff to but right now hes on vacation out of the country so i didnt wanna ruin his time off with sadness. but he really is great once i graduate college and get a job we're gonna get married and hopefully move out together sounds naive for a couple of teenagers but yknow we've talked about it alot and itd be best for both of us to make that happen even if my parents definitely wont be thrilled with an interracial and interfaith marriage i still love him and pray that we be together or that i dont die before i even get the chance to be with him sorry im rambling but thank you so much for offering to talk it helps alot <3",0.9959,positive,jealous 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,listener_2,5,"don't wrry abt rambling, it makes me happy to hear abt things tht make u happy. & yea people can say it's kinda rash for a couple of teenagers but honestly, in my personal opinion, the older generation just didn't have deep friendships/relationships when they were younger. i mean that's what i've found anyway so whatever makes you happy, you just commit to it and do it unapologetically it'll deff be tough w the marriage thing because of ur family but stay strong, it'll be worth it in the end. it's so good you have a support system tho even if it's just ur boyfriend, you're not alone & u got this <3 always here if you need x",0.9857,positive,neutral 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,speaker,6,I definitely still want to be muslim and i recently starting wearing hijab again on my own I am trying to move out so i hope that i can go peacefully I just got hired at a part time job so hopefully I can save up enough for rent. College is a bit of a problem so im going to speak the financial aid office about that. My main worry is my family hating me for leaving because i dont want them to resent me forever But there’s not much I can do about that I’ve made my decision.,0.4979,positive,apprehensive 2426,depressed,My family makes me depressed but they blame it on me,listener_3,7,"Well, good for you! I hope you and your family can work things out! Also, I dont think they'll hate you for moving out. Sure, they'll be mad at first but I'm sure they'll get used it. And if they do hate you for it.. then I'm sorry. Just dont feel like you made the wrong decision to move out. Anyway, good luck! :D",0.8723,positive,consoling 2427,depressed,Maybe,speaker,1,Where I live is very small but there is a big city about an hours drive away. I don't know how to drive yet but I could walk my way there and jump from the bridge. A lot of people have died by that bridge,-0.7096,negative,terrified 2427,depressed,Maybe,listener_1,2,"hey. i have these kinda thoughts too. and it's easy to think about it and to plan it. but the reality isn't as simple. you deserve more than to have ur body found at the bottom of a bridge. you aren't alone. i'm right here and i will help you thru this if you want. you can msg me ANYtime. even if you dont know what to say or even if you wanna talk about absolutely nothing, just to make sure ur not alone, i got you.",0.9026,positive,agreeing 2427,depressed,Maybe,speaker,3,"Thank you, its a nice thought knowing strangers would look out for a fool like me",0.5994,positive,acknowledging 2427,depressed,Maybe,listener_1,4,ofc ofc <3,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2428,depressed,Don’t know how to change,speaker,1,"I’ve lived with depression for my whole life pretty much. First time I was on meds for it was Prozac when I was 8. I’ve always had a high end tolerance so they would bump up the dose every few months until I was maxed. Then they switc h me to another drug and start the process again. About 5 years ago I met my fiancée and things got better, but I couldn’t afford the antidepressants and antipsychotics anymore because I lost my Medicaid. I just started to smoke a lot of pot to keep the pain down. Now we’ve moved across the country and I’m away from my family and friends and I’m having a hard time meeting new people. I have no release. Things that used to make me happy, I barely have a response to. I feel like everyday is a lie because I just keep putting this happy face on when really I hate myself and my life. I love my fiancée and what we’ve built together but I’m so alone and sad in every other aspect of my life right now. It’s to the point that I can’t bring myself to go to work about once a week. I’m looking for a different job because usually a routine change will get me to focus on what I need to for a few months but it’s not good for us for me (the breadwinner) to not go to work for “throwing up” or whatever excuse I conjure. He knows where it comes from and what’s wrong, but won’t say anything because he knows how bad it is. It just rips me apart with the half truths that I spew to him. He’s such an amazing person and deserves better than what I give him, I just don’t know how to make the depression more manageable. I used to have it under cont rol until we moved. That’s when I feel like I fell apart. I had found a decent job but my boss started attacking who I was very quickly. She didn’t like that I didn’t wear as much makeup as most people, or that I like to wear black, or that my home life revolves around family. She would those things apart and make me feel like less than human because she had a different lifestyle and it really hurt my already damaged self image. I guess I’m just at a loss. I don’t know how to make it better. I don’t want to have to go back to the medication because I felt so lifeless but I’m not sure what to do to help. Therapy hasn’t really been much of a success in the past but maybe I should try again?",0.7983,positive,sad 2428,depressed,Don’t know how to change,listener_1,2,"First of all, I'm really sorry for what you're going through. I've felt the same many times, except the meds part. I think it's good that you're looking for another job because your boss is clearly an asshole and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Maybe if you change jobs, you'll escape that treatment and feel better, no? I think you should give therapy a shot. I know that reaching out for professional help is tough, but it could help. I've gone through several therapists, one of which tried to tell me that I was a bad person in my past life and that's why I am suffering in this one (and he forced his religion spirituality bullshit down my throat all the time), another who ignored what I was saying completely, and another one who would ghost me for two months and then give me sessions, then ghost me again. And yeah, those were shitty experiences, but I'm trying to find a new one now and I have hope that they'll help me. I mean, there must be someone for each kind of person, so eventually you should find a therapist that suits you. Whatever you decide to do, good luck. Stay strong, friend ❤",0.8969,positive,sympathizing 2428,depressed,Don’t know how to change,speaker,3,I appreciate that but I think it’ll help to have a session with someone in person. I’ve started looking into it today more. Thank you though!,0.8549,positive,acknowledging 2428,depressed,Don’t know how to change,listener_2,4,That's good that you're taking the steps needed. If you every need someone just PM me. :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2429,depressed,Im a grown man and I lay in a room in my parents house all day while they go to work. I’m a disappointment to my whole family and I could change it but I don’t. Why am I stuck being this way and why can I not find motivation to be a normal person,speaker,1,"Im a grown ass 25 year old man that lays in a room in my parents house and plays video games all day while my mom and dad go to work. I used to have a lot of friends, had girlfriends and hobbies, jobs. People liked me and I was someone normal. Now I don’t even answer my old friends texts they send me every few months because I’d rather have them know nothing than the truth that im still just here at my parents house being a lazy pos. I am really ashamed of what I’ve become. The real root of my problem probably lies in the fact that I used to medicate myself with drugs to feel happy and seem like a regular enthusiastic person but I took that too far and had to stop and move from the city I grew up in so I could lay around in my parents house in the middle of a town where I dont know one person or have one friend. The only job opportunities for me here are being a line cook at a shitty seafood restaurant. I hate this place and im sick of being here. Ive been stuck in this room for over a year now. I would rather be back in my old town with people I know doings drugs everyday and falling deeper into that at this point. I would get up and go back this second if I could. I learned to numb myself and pass time so quickly that often I will often think its like Tuesday and its really Friday already and I’ve just been sitting up all night playing video games and sleeping all day till the whole week blurs into what seems like 24 hours. I can’t convince myself of my deep depression because I cant feel it. I dont have any deep sorrow, I don’t wanna kill myself, I don’t wanna break down crying, I just feel no emotion. Drugs used to stoke my motivation and without them its non existent. I am not proud of my year of “recovery” and stopping drugs because it was not my choice and I would still be using them everyday if I could. I live on a road with water on both sides and have no money and thats the only thing stopping me. I for some reason haven’t gone to talk to a Dr. about my problems for years. I would have to go see my dad’s Dr. and last time I was gonna go he started a huge fight with me the night before over telling me I wouldn’t go and he busted my lip so I didn’t wanna see the guy and my dad didn’t want me to either and I basically told him I will never go after that. I don’t talk to my parents anymore besides for “whatsup” and “good night”. I Come out of my room, eat dinner, clean my plate and go back to my room. If I ever did get enthusiastic or hold a conversation that sounds like I care about something my dad assumes I somehow found some drugs and im high again. He’s done this literally every time I seem kinda happy so I just don’t speak anymore. I am really sick of where I am in my life and I cant see it going anywhere else in this place. I am worried that I eventually will feel that sorrow and need to get away from this shitty place and end this shit like other people in my family have. This isn’t my room, this isn’t my house and this isn’t my life. I just want motivation to be a regular person that leaves their home and does things and speaks to people. I am just saying all of this because it feels to write the truth out for once instead of hiding it. Any advice?",-0.99,negative,ashamed 2429,depressed,Im a grown man and I lay in a room in my parents house all day while they go to work. I’m a disappointment to my whole family and I could change it but I don’t. Why am I stuck being this way and why can I not find motivation to be a normal person,listener_1,2,"Starting a daily routine helped me get out of a similar situation. Start off with something small like making your bed every morning or going on a walk (doesn’t even have to be at the same time every day). I would also suggest taking up that job if you could, it helps to get out of the house and get yourself busy and you’ll also have people to talk to and socialize with. Just some suggestions man, if you ever want to vent just send me a message I’m always down to talk",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 2429,depressed,Im a grown man and I lay in a room in my parents house all day while they go to work. I’m a disappointment to my whole family and I could change it but I don’t. Why am I stuck being this way and why can I not find motivation to be a normal person,listener_2,3,"When someone tells me i can't do a thing,i try to prove them wrong. Start a routine,small things,self care etc Dump the fucking pc,i know how adictive it is. Throw it away,restart it or give it to someone else for a while. Make yourself self rules that you got to pursue.",-0.3612,negative,agreeing 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",speaker,1,"Most people talk about their 20's as being a time of new experiences, adventure, and self discovery. I'm nearing the end of my 20's and feel empty and intensely disappointed by it all. I spent the decade, feeling inconsolably depressed, alienated from loved ones, and constantly anxious. Now, I'm approaching my 30's, feeling dysfunctional, void of personality, and doomed to continue the pattern. I realize this sounds pretty grim, but I'm wondering if I'm alone. I'm also hoping to find someone who has been where I am and lifted themselves up to a better, fulfilling life. I keep telling myself it's too late, and as much as I want to believe it's not, I end up convincing myself that it is.",0.7617,positive,sad 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",listener_1,2,"Yeah I felt this way in my 20s. I'm 31 now. It gets better, you just need to realize what's important to you. It's not a magic bullet, but you'll understand it soon.",0.4497,positive,neutral 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",speaker,3,What's important to you?,0.2023,positive,questioning 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",speaker,4,I'm not sure what to do with this.,-0.2411,negative,lonely 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",listener_1,5,"My family, my friends and my health",0.4767,positive,grateful 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",speaker,6,That's a good attitude. Thanks for taking the time to comment. It helps.,0.8126,positive,acknowledging 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",speaker,7,"Sucks to be in the boat, but it's nice to share it.",0.6956,positive,acknowledging 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",listener_2,8,https://www.liveabout.com/what-is-the-return-of-saturn-206368,0.0,neutral,excited 2430,depressed,"DAE feel that they have wasted their 20's on being depressed, unmotivated, and anxious?",listener_3,9,"Couldn’t agree more, I often felt like I was alone in this. So it’s nice to know it’s not an empty boat. :)",0.8648,positive,lonely 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,speaker,1,"Been trying to watch funny videos but my tears just won’t stop,..",-0.4939,negative,sad 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,listener_1,2,When did you first feel depressed?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,speaker,3,Don’t really know if I’m depressed or not. I just have family problems.,-0.7184,negative,sad 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,listener_1,4,What's going on in your family?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,speaker,5,"Financial problems, Im only 15 at highschool. my dad made our front house a mini store and just got scolded today because I wasn’t able to open the shop earlier. There’s also that one time when I told my dad I was studying for the test last week but he told me to study at the store instead. Just want to rest today, instead I’m stuck at the store.",-0.4404,negative,annoyed 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,listener_1,6,Your father wants you to work but you don't want to work is that true?,0.5215,positive,questioning 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,speaker,7,"Its not that I don’t want to work, just want to rest for today, finally got a break but instead I’m here crying at my bed. I understand my dad because we’re financially unstable. There’s just a lot of things happened this past week, just want to rest.",-0.7684,negative,sad 2431,depressed,Anyone knows what to do?,listener_1,8,What is your family doing to help you with your depression?,-0.25,negative,questioning 2432,depressed,Notice me,speaker,1,"I'm just ignored at my house just like I'm not there. My dad has forgotten me on road trips and had to turn around and get me, my mom has forgotten to give me a plate when it's time to eat and I've had to remind her. I've done alot to get noticed like excel in band, culinary, and school in general but so I get is a good job. While my brothers get all the attention my big brother went to my birthday party and made it all about him while me and my friends did whatever and my little brother gets all the attention and whatever he wants I basically am Lisa Simpson but in real life. My mom says it because I'm the easy kid but it still hurts to be forgotten.",0.8968,positive,annoyed 2432,depressed,Notice me,listener_1,2,I feel like that to. I feel like the people who brought me to this world don't even want me.,0.5828,positive,sad 2432,depressed,Notice me,speaker,3,Exactly,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2432,depressed,Notice me,listener_1,4,If you ever want to message me u can,0.0772,positive,suggesting 2432,depressed,Notice me,speaker,5,Yeah but I still love them,0.8126,positive,neutral 2433,depressed,Are you prepared,speaker,1,"Are you sure you have the balls to see her with another guy? Can you even begin to imagine her hugging on another guy? Kissing him, telling him she loves him and him doing it back? Can you picture her taking off her clothes for another guy? Riding out for another dude? And after cuddling with him and wrapping her legs around him? Him running his hands down her body. ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THAT? Or did that just ruin your day?",0.9061,positive,surprised 2433,depressed,Are you prepared,listener_1,2,"i ain't ready. that's why i rushed in. That fateful day, everything in my life fell apart.",-0.2755,negative,neutral 2433,depressed,Are you prepared,speaker,3,I’m sorry brother,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2434,depressed,My parents just told me that my depression is my own fault,speaker,1,"Hello again I am back Crying in my bathroom I was talking to my family and I told them I don’t want a birthday because it would just be another thing to use against me. They tend to say things like “we got you this and you’re still disrespectful.” So i told them id rather not have anything My dad then told me hes gonna pray that I get the job that I applied for so I can learn some work ethic (ive had two jobs in the past btw) They want me to do work around the house and I told them a positive work environment that makes you not want to die makes a difference in how you perform. My mom then told me that I over exaggerate because they dont do anything to hurt me. I told them that they say some very hurtful things very often and her response was that if I listened to her then she wouldn’t have to go there. She wants me to earn her kindness, or not even, she wants me to earn her acting like a decent human towards someone. Pick a broom and then you get to stop crying Work and then you get to feel better about yourself My sister just knocked the door of the bathroom saying i was being disrespectful and i didnt do the work i should have Mind you i had eaten two samosas all day because my mom hadn’t cooked anything for us and I was feeling dizzy. Also I felt nauseous because theres maggots in her fucking pantry because she buys too many potatoes and then they go bad. I did what I could before i went to the bathroom to throw up but the only thing that came out was saliva cuz i havent eaten Still havent Its almost 10 pm I dont want to go back outside And i dont want to use anything provided by them because they say that I take advantage of them. They think I never do anything for anyone Meanwhile for people that dont make me want to die I help with their homework and almost did the dishes for one of them. Its just Not fair They really said that to me Listen to us and then you get treated nicely Isnt it supposed to be a more cause and effect thing Like i dont feel like shit living here therefore i help out Not Feel like shit but am forced to do things because i would like to earn some kindness Idk Im rambling I just Want to leave But i cant",0.8959999999999999,positive,ashamed 2434,depressed,My parents just told me that my depression is my own fault,listener_1,2,"Stay strong, fuck them, don’t let the put you down, if you ever want to talk, pm me, stay strong and much love!!💜",0.9244,positive,wishing 2434,depressed,My parents just told me that my depression is my own fault,speaker,3,"Ive gone to therapy that they offer at my college but that was only for a year because they cant keep the same student for longer than that, im waiting until i move to find another therapist so i dont have to drive an hour to my hometown for it",0.0,neutral,neutral 2434,depressed,My parents just told me that my depression is my own fault,listener_2,4,"Glad to hear that. But don’t drop it no matter what happens. It’s good that you are looking for another way to get therapy. I sorta ignored my dysthymia for 3 years and only now, that I’m getting therapy, I feel that I actually working towards feeling better. I tried changing friends, changing jobs and all, but therapy also helped me to make good measured choices about these changes, so that it’d be for long term progress and not only for a month or so. So yeah. Hope you get better.",0.9846,positive,grateful 2435,depressed,"I am completely obsessed with John Lennon, and the fact that I can't be with him breaks my heart every single day.",speaker,1,"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't cry over his absence, that I don't long to be held by him. I could literally sit and watch his music videos all day and gawk at his gorgeous little smile and beautiful, wavy hair. He acts so goofy, yet so intelligent. He can be dancing around and making silly faces, yet if you listen to the lyrics he's singing, you get a sense of just how deep and enlightened this man was. I find his cheeky attitude SO adorable, and omg he just has oodles of talent–not just in the Beatles, but on his own as well. My heart is broken beyond belief that I will never have the opportunity to meet him and hug him in this life. On my loneliest nights, when I cry myself to sleep and just long to be held by this man I adore, I pray with all my heart that he's in a happy and peaceful place, and that somehow he is aware of my existence. I know he would be just a good friend to me. Don't bother telling me what a horrible person he was. I've heard every song of his, read every biography, seen every interview, viewed every online search, and I can say with confidence that though John was a troubled man who made a lot of hurtful mistakes in his life, he was a genuinely good person at heart who was always striving to do better, even if he didn't always succeed. I'd like to believe that when I meet him on the other side he'll have grown spiritually and found a bit more peace with himself. I'd like to think that he would love me and be my friend, even though we never even occupied earth concurrently. For some reason I just can't put my finger on, I feel a tremendously strong connection to him. I just feel this incredible need to *know* him and play a sort of daughter role in his life. I don't have romantic feelings towards him whatsoever, I'm just extremely drawn to him as an older mentor figure. Idk, it's so hard to explain, but I'd love to discuss this with someone. I just needed to get it off my chest.",0.9973,positive,sentimental 2435,depressed,"I am completely obsessed with John Lennon, and the fact that I can't be with him breaks my heart every single day.",listener_1,2,I'm removing this. This is stalker level talk. Please seek therapy so you don't have the same type of obsessions with a living person which can definitely lead to something disastrous and dangerous.,-0.5994,negative,agreeing 2435,depressed,"I am completely obsessed with John Lennon, and the fact that I can't be with him breaks my heart every single day.",speaker,3,And you people wonder why I'm depressed!!! NOBODY cares to try and understand me!!!,-0.3544,negative,annoyed 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,speaker,1,"I'm sorry that I complain so much I just don't know where else to go with this. My mom and I fight alot over very stupid things and I don't know why. She doesn't listen to logic or reason. If I tell her that I think a shirt is ugly and I don't want to try it on, then I shouldn't try it on because we won't get it anyway, but her response is ""I said to"" If I tell her I'm using my laptop, my sister has two, and is currently asleep, not using either laptop, use one of hers, she says ""No I want yours"" I always present things in a calm voice with logical reasoning and she finds it disrespectful that I don't just do everything she says at the drop of a hat. Yes I know that she's my mom but that doesn't mean I have to follow her every command like a little servant. Family should be about open communication, but if you aren't allowing any conversation to happen, then why would I ever want to do anything. She says when I become a mom my kids are gonna be little shits and then I would wish I was nicer to her Which wont happen because ive gone through enough shit to know the exact way to treat them, the way i wanted to be treated but my mother didnt do. Not constantly yelling at them or hitting them but treating them like actual people with feelings and opinions that are just as valid as mine. My mom doesn't seem to get that, I don't think age should make your feelings or opinions more valuable than someone who is younger, especially if that someone is your own child. she said god will punish me for my actions but how is speaking logically and explaining things reasonably a sin. There's a line in the quran that says Be the best you can be for your parents that means the best *i* can be, not the best they expect me to be, like some perfect daughter robot They use that line alot like ""it says in the quran you should never say no to your parents no matter what"" and im here like thats a very big misinterpretation. Idk im just upset and tired this is the fourth day in a row something like this has happened and she says shes marking my behavior so that i wont get what i want for my birthday meanwhile i dont even want a birthday for this reason exactly they make it something you have to earn like they do with everything all i want for my birthday is one day to be left alone and not talked to i want a party with my friends who dont constantly make me feel like dying and absolutely nothing from my family because then they cant say that i take from them and never give back or i take advantage of them sorry for all this",0.9905,positive,ashamed 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,listener_1,2,"Dont get encouraged by your moms behaviour. You haven't yet and keep it that way. The way i see it your mom should keep the quran out of what she does and says, cause if your mom tells you to kill a person then by the quran's rules you have to follow. There is a lot of grey area in what the quran says. The quran also says ""if all the trees in the forests were paper and all the seas in the world with seven more seas were ink then God's words will not be finished."" Your mother can't possibly know them all and so should keep religion out of this. As for you, hang in there. Hopefully you are able to spend your birthday with either friends or alone (in peace)",0.1754,positive,agreeing 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,speaker,3,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,listener_1,4,Hey. Just checking up. How are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,speaker,5,"I agree My parents always say that we should live as if we were back in Pakistan But thats stupid Because this isnt pakistan Their standards are so rigid and its so frustrating to deal with I see other families that adapted perfectly fine, including people within my own family But my parents specifically have this strong tie to tradition that they dont want to let go of And because i dont agree with them im labeled rebellious and disrespectful They say they learned how to adapt to their environment but i think they made their environment adapt to their standards",-0.4468,negative,angry 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,speaker,6,Im doing okay. Ive been trying to get thru the days with all the yelling I start school and work this week so that will keep me out of the house and keep my busy. Thank you for checking in 💕,0.8271,positive,grateful 2436,depressed,why is my mother so unreasonable,listener_1,7,Not a problem.,0.3089,positive,acknowledging 2437,depressed,i hate it,speaker,1,"last Saturday i survived my suicide attempt. now my parents know how i feel i hate it. i dont want to see a therapist i dont want to do anything. the antidepressants arent working. just let me rot. i wish everything would stop because its so nauseating having to move and do anything im tired. its not like im going to kill myself yet. but i really regret putting this on them. ive made things worse, with my dads cancer this just adds more. i really am just pathetic.",-0.9836,negative,ashamed 2437,depressed,i hate it,listener_1,2,You should spend more time with the people that you love. Especially your dad. Give them as much time as you can cause once they are gone there will be no one else like them.,0.6705,positive,sentimental 2437,depressed,i hate it,listener_2,3,this is amazing,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,1,"For at least two weeks been feeling more and more unsettled, moody, and fragile. Made the mistake of trying 5-htp. Called 911 saying: I need to go to a health ward. Passed out shortly after that, Woke up to someone saying: wake up and chug this!. Yuked it up. And blacked out again. I have no idea what PM I woke up friday just long enough to have dinner. I was not at all wanting to hurt myself. But I was feeling extremly shakey and mentally thin and fragile. Either way wanted to go to the health ward. And I am glad I did! because this is now a pattern where I'll feel, ok, upbeat, then less and less so. Been feeling super lethargic and blasse as well. Me and the doctors wonder if it's not just depression, but bipolarity depression, only because it's such a regular cycle. I am currently on Lamctal and Cymbalta. But now suspect simply not working as well as it needs and the wrong meds. Been napping a ton today to.",-0.5221,negative,afraid 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,2,"Oh It's the lethargy that was a redflag. I seriusly don't know the last time I hit a space of: oh. I should shower, or have some food etc. ! And I'd been telling my therapist about this for wich he went on about many factors without asking: oh! ok! hmm gosh lets see what we can do to get this right!",-0.5526,negative,embarrassed 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,3,\*huge tight hug back\* aww thank you. Because I seriously need that kind of support at the moment,0.8228,positive,wishing 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,listener_1,4,Feel free to dm me if you ever wanna talk or just need some huggs,0.5106,positive,suggesting 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,listener_1,5,Hey. How have you been holding up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,6,Aww thanks ^_^,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,listener_1,7,Hey. How have you been holding up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,listener_1,8,Any time,0.0,neutral,questioning 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,9,\*hugs back\*. thank you.,0.6908,positive,wishing 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,10,I'm trying to not let myself get angry at the therapist. It's just so frustrating that for a easily 3-4 weeks now I've been complaining about feeling less and less at all right and asking about different meds to try.,-0.7133,negative,angry 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,11,Better today thanks! Well I'm doing better today I'm doing better today. In short it turns out that one of the spots where my anxiety starts didn't try to get the better of me is because of family drama but wider that's related to finances and being able to continually bounce back. Because men for a lot of last weekend the weekend it was starting to seem like it is getting intense with anxiety let my doctor know that and essentially said like we got to do something about this! it's kind of frustrating constantly being fragile and then getting a little bit better than a little bit more fried jail just to getting slightly better yet.,0.9431,positive,grateful 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,listener_1,12,"Wow. For some reason i read that in a fast paced rhythm. From the looks of it, things get better then fall again and then get better.",0.8625,positive,neutral 2438,depressed,[HUGS WANTED] Friday checked into a emergency health ward from feeling just not at all ok,speaker,13,Nailed it!,0.0,neutral,proud 2439,depressed,First post,speaker,1,"Ok, so. This may be long I’m not sure, I just found this r/ and recently joined reddit and I’ve had no where to vent for the past 19 years of my useless life. So I’m just writing what I feel. Shit fucking sucks. I don’t even understand how it can be so fucking sucky. I just came home from this family “church” camp and I’m feeling like this again. The whole weekend I was made fun of, by everyone. Other “campers”, my family. Anything j did, or said and I’d be called dumb, stupid, ugly, fat or they’d say that nobody cares about me which especially hurt since that’s what this one kid would say to me in middle school when I was bullied there for the whole 3 years. I don’t even know what I did to deserve this. I was as nice as I could be to people, sure I’d try to use banter some times as I read on wikihow but it backfired and I’d just get it worse. I know I’m worthless and useless, and dumb and a mistake and a genetic disaster but I don’t need to be reminded of it every single day of my fucking life. I don’t need people telling me I’m a pussy for not doing something, or calling me a fag out of nowhere. I just keep thinking about how they all laughed and laughed at me and mocked me. Can you believe I’ve actually thought I’m good enough for any girl? I’m so stupid I’ve actually imagined myself having a girlfriend and a family and being happy. I’m just so tired, for over a decade now it’s been nonstop hate. I don’t get it, I don’t get it. It started in middle school or maybe 4th-5th grade when I’d get made fun of every day. Since I had the same class up until high school the same group of “friends” would use me as the hamster to try out all sorts of jokes and “pranks” on. I remember a few times where I was shunned and the entire class wouldn’t talk to me for the whole day and act like I didn’t even exist or they would play a game called neck and spend all of gym seeing who could slap my neck harder or take my shirt off or humiliate me in the locker room. I only ever had the courage to ask them why? Once, and they told me it was because I wasn’t human, that I’m a robot or an alien and it didn’t matter what I thought or felt. That’s been the only time I’ve cried in front of other people, I just couldn’t hold it in or comprehend why they hated me so much. That of course made it worse. And now 10+ years later Its still happening, I meet new people and soon everyone starts hating me, despising me. And if I say anything I’m the bad guy. My cousin literally told me Friday night at that fucking camp that it didn’t matter how much fun they all made of me, or how much hatred they all had for me as long as they themselves never felt bad or get called out for it. This was after I sort of exploded and called a guy out for constantly saying stuff about me, telling people I was a rapist and that I should kill myself for being a disgrace, or when I’d try talking to other people he’d come up and tell them how absolutely hideous and stupid I am. And everyone just laughed, at a fucking church camp. You know with the God who’s supposed to love you and care for you? Yeah bullshit, he hates me, it’s entertainment to see me be so miserable. I used to believe that lie, I prayed every day, crying on my pillow, begging, for hours, just asking for him to make it stop please or to just make me disappear or to grow a pair and just kill me himself already. I fucking hate myself, I’m worthless, useless, a waste of life, miserable, stupid, and ugly and I’m not good enough for anything or anyone. Ok I’ll shut up now, that’s my rant about my minuscule problems.",-0.9991,negative,sad 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,speaker,1,The smallest things crush me and send me into a nervous breakdown and any positive steps I made get ruined. Especially when it comes to trying to get in shape. Eat right and workout? End up getting set off by something then I binge eat while I'm crying my eyes out. I wouldn't wish none of this shit on my worst enemy.,-0.9607,negative,devastated 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,listener_1,2,"Paranoia and binge eating are related issues, eating becomes a coping mechanism for your body and this ends with you feeling insecure about your body. What sort of things set off the paranoia? I’m in the same boat so I might be able to help",-0.3818,negative,anxious 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,speaker,3,"Just whenever I get really stressed or anxious. Like when I start thinking about things between me and my and how I screwed that all up or if I start feeling like a failure for not being farther along in life than I am now. It's hard to really pin point exact things but in general the things that set me off are just emotional pain, anxiety, stress, and stuff like that. It all just sends me into a spiral of negative emotions and then I eat to make myself feel better and lose all the progress I've made. It's hell. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. I know how rough it can be.",-0.9591,negative,sad 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,listener_1,4,"My head usually goes to horrible scenarios and I think about possible outcomes that can happen from events in the future. Things like fearing my partner might go through another episode and attempt suicide again. It’s usually stuff like that, the best way to overcome it I’ve found is trying to find a happy place, ASMR personally works for me but what I believe you’re having panic attacks and your instinct is to rely on food to push through it. For me it’s not eating unless it’s something like candy or highly sugary foods or I move to chain smoking. This is something I’m currently working on fighting back and even though it’s hard, it’s possible. For now you might not have a solution but you’ll eventually find something that helps, maybe art, maybe music, maybe meditation, but whatever it will be, I hope you find it soon. It took me a long time but I’m coming back on track",-0.7645,negative,apprehensive 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,speaker,5,"Thank you, a lot of really helpful advice in your comment and I appreciate it a lot. I do that a lot too. Overthinking things and then getting overly paranoid really mess me up a lot at times. Yeah panic and anxiety attacks are something I've really been struggling with a lot in the past few months. They've literally had me in physically pain to the point my heart will literally hurt. It's a nightmare when it happens. I'll definitely give ASMR a try. It's helped me sleep before so maybe it will help with this too. I'll try everything else too and see what works for me. I'm really glad you are getting back on track. Definitely something to be proud of yourself for. Just keep working towards it. I hope things work out for you and your partner.",0.863,positive,agreeing 2440,depressed,Always on edge.,listener_1,6,I wish you the best!,0.8016,positive,wishing 2441,depressed,im crying in my bed rn,speaker,1,i hate school so much. i dont know what to do and i hate my life.,-0.8126,negative,lonely 2441,depressed,im crying in my bed rn,listener_1,2,tuch ur pp,0.0,neutral,angry 2441,depressed,im crying in my bed rn,listener_2,3,Not cool,-0.2411,negative,acknowledging 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,speaker,1,"Been eating basicly the same thing for 3 months now. I can't get ahead in anything in life. I own almost nothing and lost 7kg these past months. I can't get enough calories for a normal male weight for my height. I can't afford shampoo or a razor. I'm tired and skipping school today since I overslept and can't be bothered to walk 7 kilometers for a 3 hours of school I wish I lived in the US or England so I could get a jobb but I'm stuck in my shitty Scandinavian country. I can't find a job so I have to study and collect welfare and live in a small apartment with no oven. Fuck I hate this trash country with zero opportunities..can't even find a minimum wage jobb since the influx of immigrants. Might off myself soon. I sure love being stuck in a place with no opportunity. I'm honestly thinking of just going outside and assaulting someone on the street or stealing someone's property, since life in prison here seems better then my life right now",-0.9273,negative,ashamed 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,listener_1,2,Wow so sorry to hear that bud. I hope you don't off yourself or go to prison. Have you tried random acts of pizza? Feel free to message me if you need to talk to someone.,0.7275,positive,sympathizing 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,speaker,3,random acts of pizza. No clue what that is. Just want to be lower middle class. But can't,-0.2617,negative,jealous 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,listener_1,4,It's a subreddit where you post a request for someone local to buy you a pizza. Why is that? It's cool if you don't want to divulge that kind of information but you can I won't judge you. I'm not in the best living situation either.,-0.614,negative,jealous 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,speaker,5,Well don't practice your religion then,0.2732,positive,questioning 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,speaker,6,I just wanted to work in a store or work in the forest but I can't seem to be able land a simple thing like that. YouTube seems to new age for me,0.5023,positive,disappointed 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,listener_2,7,Your very new in RedditOr is this you second account? I have 3 accounts. How many account do you have?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2442,depressed,Losing my mind /vent,listener_3,8,you dont have to do it full time. maybe start off with making a video per month or per week. a video about anything that you find intresting. maybe something aout your hobbies like sports and such. while making the videos why not try and look for something you want to do like work in a forest or a store. forest or wild life protection care sounds good.,0.8859999999999999,positive,suggesting 2443,depressed,Commitment issues,speaker,1,I've recently developed commitment issues where i cant stick to one thing. I try and start a thing ehich normally i do but the problem comes with finishing them. I cant seem to finish anything. Like a project or a job or even something that i like. I end up starting a different thing but dont finish that thing either. I either lose intrest or am so out of mind that i just stop. Not sure what to do with this. I cant even commit to being friends with anyone anymore. I just wanna stay in bed and listen to lofi and not talk to anyone. Even the people who live with me.,-0.3016,negative,disappointed 2443,depressed,Commitment issues,listener_1,2,"That describes me pretty accurately tbh - I always struggle seeing something through to completion. I dont want to respond to messages from friends, go outside, or make an effort to fulfill my promises. I'm so behind on commissions and other things I normally do. I'm just... unmotivated. I feel that it's my body telling me I don't need to take on additional stress past what I can normally handle. I'm just so tired. I hope we can make it through, friend. ☆",0.7718,positive,anxious 2443,depressed,Commitment issues,speaker,3,"I really hope we can. The first part was always there but only a little bit. Like i'd finish the projects but right on the due date even though i could have finished it a week ago; but now its like i dont want to finish it. There seems to be no point. Yeah, i'd get a good grade for university but in the condition i'm in i am not sure if i want to go to uni. Even if i do go to uni, i'd definitely have major issues by that time. The second (friends) part has been developed in these few days. Like the friends i have/had are/were great. I cant get myself to talk to them. I get this feeling of messing something up and losing him/her too. I have 20 days exactly before i go back to college and see them. The feeling of not being able to even say hi to them is terrifying cause they are mad at me for what i did. The person that i lost said she needed the holiday time to get things through and set things straight. I am worried if she does want to be friends will i be able to commit to the friendship she same way i did before all of this and am i going to be ready to take her back; and if she does not want to talk at all and has decided on it, will i be able to cope enough to get a future out of college or will i be a college dropout and juat pursue a retail job somewhere crushing everything i wanted to be in the future.",0.9805,positive,apprehensive 2443,depressed,Commitment issues,speaker,4,Sorry its a bit long. Longer than the main post itself.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2444,depressed,A small confession,speaker,1,"Ever since I was 14 years old (now 21), whenever I felt like I wanted to kill myself I would listen to the Disney channel stars version of A Dream is a Wish. When I was a kid, maybe like ages 8 to 11, I had a radio in my room at my dad’s house and only one CD (the Disney channel stars cd). Whenever I hear the song now, it makes me think of my dad and the comfort he tried to give me as a kid. Every once in a while, when I’m feeling down and really thinking about deep and dangerous things, I’ll hear the song out of nowhere. I always thought it was kind of like my sign to not kill myself. Anyway, it’s kind of dumb, but I just heard a version of the song in a YouTube video, and I had no one else to confess this to. Thanks for reading.",0.5684,positive,nostalgic 2444,depressed,A small confession,listener_1,2,The song playing in your head is your dad being there for you every step of the way. You can ask your head and heart what the right or wrong thing is and it would always answer honestly and with reasoning.,0.7096,positive,faithful 2444,depressed,A small confession,listener_2,3,Oh god we need to make a list about songs you would listen to when u want to self harm or do something bad to yourself this is really uplifting,-0.6808,negative,consoling 2444,depressed,A small confession,listener_3,4,"And even if it isn’t, what’s the harm in using the “sign” as a catalyst in doing something better? To thinking someone you love is reaching out to you? If it doesn’t hurt you to someone else, I’d say embrace it.",0.5661,positive,suggesting 2444,depressed,A small confession,listener_4,5,"Yes. Yes. Yes. I don't know that many songs or melodies, but yes. How do you wanna do this?",0.7964,positive,questioning 2445,depressed,Scared to vent to anyone else (Also Trigger warning I guess) SUPER SUPER LONG sorry.,speaker,1,"First of all, I’m not currently diagnosed. I went to therapy when I was in high school because as a child my uncle molested me once and then shortly afterwards, when I refused to let him do it again, my older cousin started doing it. This went on for longer. When I went, their pyschatrist said she could see a dullness in my eyes, said I was depressed, and gave me a baby dose of antidepressants to go with the therapy. Fast forward a few months and I feel ready to leave therapy and drop the meds. Things were ok for a while but shit has hit the fan. I’m pretty sure it was my ex that did it in, combined with the stress of trying to make it in the adult world (I’m currently 22 yrs old). When I met my ex, I was months away from finishing college and had gotten a job. At first everything was great. He was interesting, seemed to care about me, and we had a lot in common. But then, things started to change. He had one friend who worked all the time so he wanted to spend literally every minute with me. I had to support us, even though he claimed to have a thriving business. He would become upset when I fell asleep playing video games with him ( I worked 12-14 hours overnight for the most of my employment and I was in constant pain and I was utterly exhausted) and he was constantly bad mouthing my family and trying to make them seem like bad people. One of the big turning points was when my aunt and her kids (who’s husband and son molested me) moves back to Arizona and needed to stay with us for a few weeks till they got a place to stay. Now the uncle is long gone; they divorced shortly after I revealed what had happened. But the son is still there. There’s an agreement that I suppose my mom and her sister have come to that clearly, something isn’t right about him and he was manipulated into abusing me by the uncle, thus, a victim in his own right. Which I suppose might be true; after all, the dude is fucking weird, something is definitely off. However, I know that I’m all reality this was probably just a way for them to rationalize it all. After all, my aunt wouldn’t turn against her son and my mom doesn’t want to lose a sister. So whatever. I’m not expected to spend time with him or anything so it’s fine I guess. But when they stayed with us, I was already sliding into a dark place. My ex and I had moved into together in my moms place. I asked him to help with chores but everyday I’d limp home (quite literally some days) and things would not be done. Then when I’d try to take care of it myself, he’d get angry and say I should be relaxing and resting. So my space was always a cluttered mess. I was in constant pain and just exhausted from working long hours and the long bus ride. I rarely got a day off. This made me feel sad, made me feel like “is this all adult life is? Working myself to death? All this pain?” It wasn’t good. All the while my ex made me promises that as soon as his business did this that and the other thing he would take over everything and I’d be able to rest. Anyway, back to when things took a real turn for the worst; my aunt and her kids move in. Most of the time, the abuse I suffered is far from my mind, the therapy really did help. But seeing him everyday, hearing his voice while I was in my room. Most of all, him acting all friendly like nothing had ever happened, like everything was normal. I was in a weaken state of mind and resolve and this broke me. I was having night terrors nearly every time I closed my eyes, I instantly became panicked as I approached my own home and made a mad dash from the door to my room. I didn’t even want to come out to eat or use the restroom. I couldn’t take the reminder ontop of the pain and exhaustion and I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to die. The only time (besides now I guess) I wanted to die this bad was back in high school when the repressed memories of my abuse reared their ugly head. I tried to hide it, because that’s what I’ve always done. I’ve always wanted to be the easy child, the shoulder to cry on, the best *insert role here*. Finally my ex pryed it out of me one day when everyone was gone (I could never keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. He would prod, poke, and pinch, all quite literally, until I spilled my guts) and I told him everything. After all had been said he asked me one time if I meant it, if I really wanted to die. I said yes. He proceeded to say he was going to tell my mom, pulled out his phone and began to write out a text. I begged and pleaded for him not to, remembering the utter heartbreak she had when I told her about the abuse and again, not wanting to make things difficult for my family. He then started to gather up all the sharp things in the room and putting them in a bag, badgering me “what are you going to do? How are you going to fix this? Suicide is selfish and cowardly!” I was overwhelmed and wanted to leave the room to get some air but he wouldn’t let me. He kept shoving me back and when I didn’t give up, he forced me onto the bed, tied me up, and striped my clothes off to keep me from leaving. He never sent a message to my mom and he made me swear that I’d never say I wanted to die again. That’s part of the reason I’m here, on the internet. I know no one else I know would do something like that. But I can’t help but be afraid. As much as I’d like to say I left him after that, I didn’t. I survived my extended family’s stay and they eventually moved into their own home. I haven’t seen my cousin since. My ex and my mother never got along and argued constantly. The short version of all that is my mom could sense his was a piece of shit but didn’t want to say anything because she wasn’t entirely sure and didn’t want to damage our relationship. Needless to say it all blew up spectacularly one day. The screaming and arguing was so intense, I just lost my shit, stood there and wailed. Just sobbing and wailing and wishing in all my heart and soul that I would just drop dead. At the time I loved him and all I wanted for him to be a part of my family as he had none to speak of. My mom pulled me away and told my ex he had two weeks to pack his shit and get out. Now I had to choose. Of course, being the noble guy he was, he said that I didn’t have to come with him. My mom said she would love me no matter what I did and was always welcome back. So I went with my ex. Now that I’m away from him and looking back, I honestly can’t fathom why... still, I went. We put 90% of our stuff in a storage and stayed in a hotel for a week in the shadiest, scariest part of town. We then got a weekly rental apartment in a shady, scary part of town. This whole time, my meager, minimum wage job is barely holding down the fort. He didn’t contribute. His stepdad ended up taking us in. Shortly after, I had reached my breaking point once again; this time with my job. I sat on the bed and just cried, not wanting to stand on my swollen, aching feet, considering slamming my ankles in the door so I wouldn’t have to go. So I called in for the night and put in my two weeks. My ex said that he would take care of me, take care of everything else, that I could rest. So I did. I rested for a month, perhaps two. He brought in a little money but my last check was still what was keeping us afloat and that was starting to run out. So I began to look for work again, feeling physically and (a little bit mentally) better. I found one but then his stepdad and his girlfriend (who owned the house) said they wanted us out. In their eyes, we were doing nothing to save up money to get ourselves a place. Finding a place was my ex’s task. However, everything was always to be taken care of “later”. He would do it “later”. So with no money (I wouldn’t get paid for three weeks) and nowhere else to go, we were homeless. We slept in a tiny broken down PT Cruiser that his stepdad said we could have. We woke up at the ass crack of dawn to leave the car before they got up and waited till the dead of night to go to sleep so they wouldn’t see us. It was rock bottom for me. I was homesick but I didn’t want to abandon my ex, knowing that he had nowhere to go. He would get angry at me for being melancholy, saying he was doing his best to be positive and it was hard to do if I’m being negative. I just gritted my teeth and worked my new job; I knew that I was going to be the one to pull us out of this. We just about to run out of food when the stepdad and girlfriend found us out. They took us in once again. Just like the whole suicide thing, I’ve never told anyone this but the night we were back in the house, something happened that still haunts me all the same. The night we were met back in, I had lost my wallet on my way to work and didn’t realize till we met up after my shift to head back. Just another blow. I broke into a bad anxiety attack. He had no patience for it, berated me, and threatened to leave me stranded in the middle of the night by myself. With no bus passes, we had to walk. It was several miles and my feet were already hurting from my shift. By the time we made it back, I didn’t have the strength or tears to cry, I was barely able to move one foot forward. We got in and just as I finally collapsed into the bed, he suddenly just had to have me. I was in an ungodly amount of pain and protested but he just stripped me and did it anyway. At the time I didn’t care, didn’t have the strength or the will to. It haunts my fucking thoughts as I realize with that beautiful gift of hindsight that he fucking raped me that night. He didn’t care that I was hurting, that I said no. The next day, my ex just fucking nosedived into depression. I’d never seen him like that. Then, the bomb dropped. The stepdad and his girlfriend actually liked me and decided to let me in on a little secret that I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHY THEY DIDNT SHARE BEFORE. The ex was a chronic liar. I quizzes them with everything he had every told me: 95% was false. No business, no savings no nothing! My world came crashing down and I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt stupid, I felt like trash. I was mortified. I had to work that day so I went, and while I was at work, I got a thinly veiled suicide note from my ex. I panicked but at the same time I didn’t want to leave work, as no matter what, I was going to need this job. So, while the stepdad handled trying to find him (he ran off) I continued to work and tried to get him to text me and talk him down. For six hours I teetered believing my boyfriend was dead and trying to figure out how I was going to live my life afterwards and getting this spread out texts of self-loathing and self-harm. I left early, went back, and found him in the PT Cruiser. I confronted him with everything. I was livid. I let him have it. 3 fucking years of lieing to me and everyone I know. I felt like a lair as I repeated his lies to others when they asked questions. I laid into him for his hypocrisy. In return I got a sob story. The death of his mother at a young age, being beaten as a child (I knew these two things but I doubt the second) a lonely sadness that hung over him and I was so pretty that he lied to impress me when we first met. He had taken a knife to the backs of his arms, making dozens of superficial scratches. At the time I was frightened of him killing himself but looking back it all seems quite staged. So, unsure of what to do but knowing that the situation couldn’t continue, I checked him into a mental facility to ensure that he wouldn’t hurt himself more. I stayed with him all through the check in process. Then I was on my own. I soon decided that after he got out (the facility said they’d probably keep him for about a week) he couldn’t stay with me. He had to go out and stand on his own two feet and prove to me he was worth a second shot. He begged me to have a closer involvement, I was his reason for living and all that. I refused. All this drama was too much for the stepdad and girlfriend and they asked me to leave, saying it was too stressful. This was after they assured me I could stay and get my shit back together as long as my ex didn’t stay too. So, I moved back in with my mom. I told her everything I had learned about this man, now this stranger, I spent 3 years of my life with. She accepted me with open arms. Before my ex was released from the facility, I got my head outta my ass and told him that I was never going to give him a second chance, whether he got back on his feet or not. I packed up his shit, gave it to the one friend he had, and told him to never contact me again. So here I am now. Working my job, trying to pull my life together. I spent 3 fucking years feeding, houseing, defending this fat slob while he just sat on his ass playing video games all day. I suppose I got off lightly; I didn’t have a credit card or anything like that so he didn’t ruin my credit and he never beat me. But he was constantly suggesting we go out to eat, buy things we didn’t need (only to pawn them later when money got tight), and buy video games so money was always in short supply. We ate cheap, garbage food that came out of boxes and cans. Id rather use a can of ravioli to brain myself than to eat it. Every time I got the feeling something wasn’t right, that maybe he wasn’t telling the truth, I was met by tears and rage; how dare I question him? It hurts so much that you don’t trust me! What do I have to do to prove to you? It’s never enough for you! I see now that I was being manipulated, gas lighted, and coercively controlled. I never want to see him again. I want to forget about him completely. But all these little things keep popping up. Stuff like when I told him that I wanted to die, and that night we were let back into his stepdad and girlfriend’s house comes back and the more time that goes on the more I realize just how shit he really was. I remember all the little things he’d brag about and think about how it was all lies. There’s only one good thing he ever did and that was distract me from my own feelings of depression and social ideation. I couldn’t kill myself, he’d be so sad. Where would he go, my mother wouldn’t let him stay. All that bullshit. Now he’s gone and it’s all coming back. I’ve turned into an insomniac, barely getting 3-4 hrs some nights. Food doesn’t taste good and it’s a struggle to eat, even though my stomach hurts from not eating. My work causes me physical pain and it’s frustrating because the management is incompetent so every mole hill issue becomes a mountain of inconvenience. I’m so fucking angry all the time. It seems like everyone and everything is in my way, trying to slow me down. I have goals. I made a vision board with everything I need and want out of my life going forward but I feel like I need to make up for lost time. I have little things here and there to look forward to; I hang out with a close friend often and almost every week I play Dungeons and Dragons with friends. These two things are the bright spots that I use to motivate myself to keep going but I honestly feel like that’s it’s pointless. I had started to save money for my goals but then my family fell on hard times so I used it all to help them and I’ll have to use my paychecks for a long time to help bail them out. Of course this reluctance makes me feel like shit: my frustration at having to postpone my plans to help them especially considering that I live here too and if I don’t help it’s my ass to, (I LIVE HERE TOO) even if my mom insists that she’ll be fine. Honestly, it’s all starting to seem not worth it. The universe has given me 22 years on this earth and 80% has been utter shit. Not to mention that 80% is going to leave a permanent shit stain all over everything else that ever comes my way. I find myself thinking I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to trust a stranger ever again. How am I supposed to give them access to my heart, my feelings, my body after the shit I’ve been through? I want to be genuinely happy, not sloughing through mud and hellfire just to have a few happy moments here and there. I can’t kill my self though. My family would fall apart. I am my Mom’s rock; she vents everything to me. My sister has issues all her own and gives my mom more stress and problems than she can currently handle as she struggles with anxiety and most like likely depression. I have to stay here and keep everything together. That makes me angrier than anything else. All my fucking life I have done my damnedest to be selfless, put others first, help others. I try to be the ray of sunshine that others need. It really does make me happy to make others happy but I’m worn out. I’m fucking done. But I can’t check out cause I can’t stop caring long enough to pick up a knife or step off a bridge. I can’t stop caring no matter how hard try. So I keep going, I keep grinding forward even though I just want to die. It makes me angry when I think about the things people say about suicide. “It’s selfish, think about the pain you’ll leave behind.” What about my pain? The pain that gnaws at me at second of every day? The pain that makes it hard to have the motivation to even fucking breathe. I force myself to take another breath because I know people need me. Everything I’ve ever done since I understood these sort of things, I’ve done it for the benifits for others because I want them to be happy. Now I want to be happy, I want to do something selfish for once. I want to do something for me. I don’t want medication or therapy. Why prolong my suffering? Why treat symptoms of a terminal chronic illness that will always be eating me from the inside out? It’s my fucking life, I should be able to make the choice for myself. But I can’t turn it off. Try as I fucking might, I can’t shut it off, I can’t stop caring. So here I’ll fucking stay on this god forsaken rotting hell of an earth, putting on a smile like I always do. It’s hard to contain but I just try to play it off as a new, dark and cynical sense of humor I’ve developed. With the shit I’ve been through, who can blame me? Sorry this is so long. Most people in my life know I was molested and a few know my ex was a fraud (no one knows the more horrible things I described with) but I just wanted to lay it all out in general terms (yes, this is general terms. There’s a lot of shit). Again, even though I would love nothing more than to discard this meat suit I pilot, I can’t, so I won’t. Still, it feels good to get it out so it’s not bouncing about inside my head like an echo chamber. Thank you for listening internet.",-0.9998,negative,hopeful 2445,depressed,Scared to vent to anyone else (Also Trigger warning I guess) SUPER SUPER LONG sorry.,speaker,2,"It was good to vent but reading it back with all that anger having gone out of me, the negative voice in my head can’t help but think it sounds like a petulant child... that doesn’t make me feel any better... I just want to be good person. I care fiercely about my family, I want them to be ok. But I’m so tired and I hurt so much.... but like I said in the post, I can’t commit suicide. I care about my family too much. I can’t relieve my own suffering. I just do shit like this, cry a little bit and then move on with my life until the next episode of angry depression.",-0.942,negative,sad 2445,depressed,Scared to vent to anyone else (Also Trigger warning I guess) SUPER SUPER LONG sorry.,listener_1,3,Tbh it does not sound anything like a child.,-0.2755,negative,acknowledging 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,speaker,1,And my feelings. Married for almost a year. The man I married isnt the same person anymore. He always cared so much and he couldn’t handle it if something would happen to me. But right now he doesn’t care anymore and he knows I am a weak person and he mentally breaks me.. I just want to leave everything and go away because I don’t want to hurt myself.. Even my aunt says that she can’t see happiness in my eyes. I don’t understand what I was thinking 4 years ago and why I did this to myself.. God I hate my life I want to travel in time and start over again without him..,0.0772,positive,sad 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,listener_1,2,"heres a \*hug\* :) this normally happens with a lot of the relationships. no need to be afraid or be sad ove it. the best thing to do is to learn from it. Have a think about this quote: ""to really understand a person you have to live their lifestyle."" The things they do, the reasoning behind it, the type of clothes they wear and the food they eat tells a lot about the person and their persoality. A person can act a certain way for a very long time. they go home, reset and go back to acting like a different person. When you get to live or at least see the person's life you see the behind the scenes things. personal things. It tells and shows a lot about the person. 4 years ago, you were looking at the person that acted like he cared and has probably said a lot of amazing things to you, but you never looked into his home life and how he does things at home. i am not blaming you for any of this. its near impossible to tell the type of person a person truely is just by looking at them. nearly everyone makes that mistake atleast once. those who learn from it are the ones to get above the situation. Sorry its a long reply.",0.8497,positive,neutral 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,speaker,3,First I want to say sorry for my English it isn’t my first language so I can make mistakes and not really express myself or my feelings. Also thank you for your response. I was in some deep shit when I met him so yeah I think that is why I fell in love with him cause he made me feel safe and al that shit. I don’t want to give up on things so I always try to listen to him and his body language. I think of the things he does negative or positive. Because I want to understand him better. But it is always me in my opinion who does this. I read a lot of books and stuff about relationships and stuff. And he is not and if I tell him he needs to read and educate himself he just ignores me and goes to smoke some weed or stuff.. He then expects me to get pregnant soon because he wants to be a ‘young’ father..,0.1111,positive,faithful 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,listener_1,4,Its expectations vs reality. If he is not ready to put the effort in himself then he should not be expecting anything in return. Its like you want something but not put any effort to get it. Its a good thing he is your ex now cause no one expects you to be spoonfeeding him the rest of your life.,0.3389,positive,jealous 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,speaker,5,He is not my ex yet.. we still are married and living in the same house but I ignore him for like 2 days now.. as I said I don’t want to give up on things. But I want him to act like a man and not like a kid.. and I actually don’t know what I need to do right now..,0.358,positive,lonely 2446,depressed,I just need someone who understands me..,listener_1,6,Rules. You need to enforce rules on him. Tell him to find a job andkeep bugging him about it. A man should be able to carry his family with him. A relationship works two ways. Right now its only you putting in the effort and its not fair on you. If he starts work then the stress is lifted although partly.,-0.5806,negative,angry 2447,depressed,I feel like breaking down. I feel like im nothing.,speaker,1,"I want to believe I have a purpose, I want to believe she loves me. She said she loves me, that im important to her. I want to believe it but somehow I can't, something tells me she doesn't like me as much she says. I want to break down and cry until my eyes bleed. I love her more than my close's family members. She's the only one i care about she's the only one that makes me feel like myself, I want to hug her till the end. I told her that for her birthday I'll take her out and make it the best day of her life. Idk anymore I just feel like im in her way of another relationship. I love her to much to let her go but at this point only thing I can think about is that we can only be close friends. I want to be more but she seems like she has lost interest in me. So this is love huh?? It fucking sucks I should've kym when I had the urge. I'm tempted to tell her that im moving and just go somewhere nobody can find me and put a bullet in my head. Why do we got to live like this? After Christmas break I'm planning on just getting It over with, I went from numb to feeling. I want to be numb again. Before I go through with ending it I'll leave a note on here "" Goodbye"" idk anymore I just want to end this Bull shit.",0.9913,positive,faithful 2447,depressed,I feel like breaking down. I feel like im nothing.,listener_1,2,"Hey, ok if you need someone to talk to please pm me ok? It's alright.",0.6705,positive,questioning 2447,depressed,I feel like breaking down. I feel like im nothing.,speaker,3,I'm getting mixed signals man. Not gonna lie to you read this 2 times,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 2447,depressed,I feel like breaking down. I feel like im nothing.,speaker,4,I try to stay occupied like hanging around friends and workout. I lost my motivation to do anything now. Just trying to keep my mind on friends but it's hard when I leave and don't got nothing to do. If im not with friends all i csn think bout is that 1 girl. Sad times bub,-0.6685,negative,lonely 2447,depressed,I just want to die,listener_2,1,"I don't enjoy life anymore. I don't have any friends here in college and I've started skipping classes again, barely talk to anyone the whole day. I feel safe at home but here everything just kinda sucks. Sometimes i feel like a burden because I'm so weak and incapable of doing anything. I should probably just die, that would be great.",-0.9282,negative,lonely 2447,depressed,I just want to die,listener_3,2,"Here’s something that got me through some really bad days: “it’s temporary”. And I know when one’s depressed everything seems like it t will keep going wrong forever, but trust me, it does get better. I have struggled with the depression for the las 15 years, and things are much better now. Also, please look for help, you’re not weak for needing help now and then. I really stared improving after a started therapy. Hope you the best in the future.",0.9819,positive,hopeful 2447,depressed,I just want to die,listener_4,3,Which are? I have no friends and have yet to see the perks.,-0.3724,negative,lonely 2448,depressed,And I fucking hate how weird Lamictal makes me feel,speaker,1,I'm over how weird lamictal leaves me feeling. A sense of being disconected.,-0.0516,negative,lonely 2448,depressed,And I fucking hate how weird Lamictal makes me feel,listener_1,2,YES!! i know how you feel. i am just starting out on it and it makes me feel SO disconnected. I am at loss for what to do. Feel free to PM if you want Id love to talk about this with someone (I know I am really late),0.8889,positive,agreeing 2448,depressed,And I fucking hate how weird Lamictal makes me feel,speaker,3,since this post it hasn't gotten better or worse.,-0.6711,negative,neutral 2448,depressed,And I fucking hate how weird Lamictal makes me feel,speaker,4,Aww thanks man!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2449,depressed,What is the difference?,speaker,1,I would like to ask what is the difference of committing suicide because you will be dying soon and waiting for the day that you will die,-0.765,negative,apprehensive 2449,depressed,What is the difference?,listener_1,2,"The difference is trying. You try to die when commiting sueside. When dying at a later age you feel completion that yes, you have gone through the stage of life and feel accomplished. When doing sueside you just rage quit life. No achievements gotten or anything.",-0.6249,negative,devastated 2449,depressed,What is the difference?,speaker,3,"What I mean is if you are suffering from something extremely agonizing and painful and you will eventually die from it, what is the difference from it and committing suicide?",-0.9604,negative,questioning 2449,depressed,What is the difference?,listener_1,4,"In that case the difference is trying to live. If you let yourself die eventually you will know that you have tried everything you podsibly could have to live, where as if you commit to dying then people would not know that you tried.",-0.4019,negative,neutral 2449,depressed,What is the difference?,speaker,5,Do you know the feeling that you have been waiting for years and years and yet nothing you expect is coming towards you?,0.128,positive,anticipating 2450,depressed,No matter what,speaker,1,"No matter what i do in this fucking house, blame always comes back to me.",-0.4122,negative,angry 2450,depressed,No matter what,listener_1,2,"You too? Me, everything I do, it's wrong and it's my fault because its not done the way mr eat_hickory wants it to be done.",-0.7003,negative,guilty 2450,depressed,No matter what,speaker,3,"I gave up tho, ain't trying anymore.",0.0,neutral,faithful 2451,depressed,Dead end for me,speaker,1,"I’ve been suffering from depression for three due to stuff happening in my own life. Now I’m even more depressed than ever because my brother. He’s not even 18 yet and already an alcoholic and a drug addict. I’m legal of age but due to studies I live at home so I experience this first hand. My parents are getting grey hairs due to him and I feel sorry for them. He comes home at any hour of the day usually on something or drunk. He skips school to go with his drug addict friends and that’s all I know about his life nowadays. This depresses me a lot, he could be dead somewhere in a ditch due to drug overdose or alcohol poisoning and I wouldn’t even know. This whole situation really feels like a dead end to me. I don’t know what to do and i just feel like giving up to my depression. I have absolutely no one to talk to.",-0.9743,negative,sad 2451,depressed,Dead end for me,listener_1,2,"Hi! Just another random stranger passing by. I'm terribly sorry for your family. Idk about therapy and all that stuff, but have you guys tried family therapy? Maybe your brother is also going through something, you never know. I assume that you have a stable relationship with your parents. Have you talked to them about this? Please do. Only if you feel comfortable though. Reddit will always be open to you. Take a walk. Clear your mind. Breathe some fresh air. Listen to some music. May I recommend ""Everdream"" and ""The Second Star to the Right""? I'm so sorry you're going through this. Remember, you are a human too. Your feelings are valid. Someone will always be there for you and I hope you find them. I'm sorry this is a bit short, I'm doing some stuff lol but please, I'll always be free to chat if you need me.",0.9859,positive,sympathizing 2451,depressed,Dead end for me,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your message, I really need it right now. I’m 100% sure he’s going through something but he doesn’t talk to anyone in the family so we are not actually sure of what. He’s been to a psychologist but he didn’t like it and it didn’t work. I do have a good connection with my family but since they are so occupied on my brother, they don’t really have time to focus on me that much. I also don’t really feel like bothering them with my problems, that would be too much for them. So yeah I’m basically living in my own bubble, faking to everyone that I’m doing good.",0.8089,positive,grateful 2451,depressed,Dead end for me,listener_1,4,"Hey, hey. Your feelings are important, and I understand you don't want to add to your family's plate. I have a compromise, and I really don't mean to downplay your depression, but I want to make sure you're comfortable. I suggest talking to your family about this. They seem to care for your brother, so I'm sure they'll care for you. I suggest that you guys have a routine of sorts. Maybe once a week, let's say... Friday night. You guys can sit down a talk. Maybe for an hour or so? Talk about anything. How you are, how you're doing, what's been bothering you, etc. Anything to cheer you up, even if it's only a bit. Joke about anything, share memes, etc. That way, you don't have to feel like you're constantly burdening them, but you can also be heard and your family can tend to you and make you smile. I think it's a reasonable compromise. You don't feel like a burden all that much, and your family know sessions like that can help you cheer up, even if only for a temporary period of time. Hope this helps.",0.992,positive,caring 2451,depressed,Dead end for me,speaker,5,"That’s actually a great compromise, I will most definitely try it out. Also our whole family just sat down and watched a movie so I feel a bit better. It was ages since we last did it. Also I did listen to the songs you recommended. I really like them, especially Second Star to the Right. I really want to thank you, you most definitely made my day. So I can’t thank you enough, I had some really dark thoughts roaming around my mind today.",0.9709,positive,grateful 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,1,"It’s one of those days where all my insecurities, negative self-thoughts, self hatred , just takes over my brain Depression for me is always having these thoughts, but some days they are all I can think about, so I sink deep down into a very bad place I wish I didn’t have these thoughts on the daily and especially having the episodes of depression where these thoughts take my mind over. Sigh , I am SO tired of me Hope you guys are doing well , stay strong",-0.9057,negative,ashamed 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,listener_1,2,"We’re here for you OP. We’re going through it as well. Stay strong. Long for a day of peaceful living, because I hate making promises, but I’m sure it’s inevitable if we keep putting in the effort to make our lives work despite our struggle.",0.8245,positive,faithful 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,3,"Thank you for your support , trying to find something to live for",0.6369,positive,grateful 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,4,"Thanks good idea , try to distract and hope it’ll be better tomorrow When in these episodes it’s hard to imagine a day where I’ll feel like I have a reason to keep living",0.8885,positive,consoling 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,5,💙Thanks that was empowering and gives me something to think about,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,6,Woke up feeling mostly the same but less intense . I need to do something to help me at least smile How are you feeling today ?,0.8321,positive,questioning 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,listener_2,7,"Same. Not as intense as yesterday, I'm hoping by keeping busy I'll forget how I feel and by the time I notice I'll be okay again. Plus I have a friend coming over later and I'm sure that'll cheer me up at least a bit. What are you doing today to help you smile?",0.939,positive,hopeful 2452,depressed,It’s a very low day...they seemingly come out of nowhere,speaker,8,That’s good to hear Hope you had a nice time hanging with your friend ! I went shopping online 😬😬 and went for a walk listening to music . I tried to pay attention to the pretty things in nature while walking,0.8777,positive,joyful 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,speaker,1,"I need help, I wanna know if I’m depressed but I don’t want to see a professional I’m too scared. So I’m gonna describe what I’m feeling, : I’m always sad, I don’t wanna go outside and see people even if it’s my family, I can stay in my bed all day even if I have to pee or if I’m hungry I don’t want to move so I stay in my bed, I don’t want my room to be too lightly like, I wanna be in the dark, and I cry a lot. I think it’s all I had to say. Please help me. Thanks.",0.5023,positive,lonely 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,listener_1,2,I know why Im depressed and it sucks..,-0.7003,negative,agreeing 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,speaker,3,Do you thinks I’m depressed too ?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,listener_1,4,yeah thats mostly part of it,0.29600000000000004,positive,neutral 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,speaker,5,Ho okay.. thank you,0.5267,positive,acknowledging 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,listener_1,6,or you could be sad but hope you get better!,0.7871,positive,consoling 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,speaker,7,Thank you hope you’ll get better too !,0.8221,positive,encouraging 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,listener_1,8,I doubt it but me too,-0.1901,negative,agreeing 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,speaker,9,"Thank you, I follow ur tips and today I went to the grocery shopping and I saw my grandparents so I think I can escape, it’s going to be hard but maybe I can.. I still don’t wanna see a professional but I hope one day I’ll have the courage to see one. Thank you for ur tips.",0.9231,positive,grateful 2453,depressed,Idk if I’m depressed,listener_2,10,Good for you for taking those first steps toward reclaiming your life.,0.4404,positive,proud 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",speaker,1,I'm really just done with life. Everyone will be better when I'm gone. I just have to do it right.,0.4404,positive,content 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",listener_1,2,"You don't. Everything will hurt worse than you have ever felt. Pills make you feel like your stomach is literally on fire as you throw up everywhere from your body rejecting it. A noose strains your neck a crap ton if you don't have enough force to snap it. And slitting the wrist, well obviously that will hurt at first but then as the blood seeps out of you and you start to fade, this burning icy feeling will sweep over you.",-0.5286,negative,afraid 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",listener_2,3,You know what my ex says before we broke up? “1 big pain is better than smaller ones over time. It’ll be over sooo”,-0.4939,negative,sad 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",listener_3,4,"So, if there is no one else to feel the pain...",-0.6705,negative,lonely 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",listener_4,5,"Yup, me too. I wanna know how you can do that.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2454,depressed,"How do I kill myself successfully, but painlessly?",listener_1,6,That used to be my PoV too,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2455,depressed,Adding to my depression,speaker,1,"I googled my ex. Big mistake. HUGE! Within the first page of google outcomes I see he has been arrested for a heinous crime. Usually, I am one to believe the victim. If not 100%, then at least enough to support a FULL investigation. However, everything I know about my ex points in the wrongly accused direction and I feel like shite! I want to believe the victims. But I just cannot in this case. I keep going over my memories, and they just don’t add up. Help! I’m so confused.",-0.5788,negative,trusting 2455,depressed,Adding to my depression,listener_1,2,I think this belongs in r/relationships,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2455,depressed,Adding to my depression,speaker,3,I’ve tried there and they won’t take my post.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2455,depressed,Adding to my depression,listener_1,4,Oh my goodness really?,0.4588,positive,questioning 2455,depressed,Am I depressed?,speaker,1,I don’t think of myself as depressed. I think of my feelings as truth. It’s my truth. I have no purpose - truth. I have a face only a mother could love - truth. I am mediocre at best - truth. I’ve been paying into my life insurance for decades - truth. Only my mother would miss me - truth. I have no passions or desires - truth. Why do I have to keep living for everyone else?,0.9439,positive,ashamed 2455,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_2,2,Oof. I wanted to kill myself several times but i remembered about my family,-0.431,negative,sentimental 2455,depressed,Am I depressed?,speaker,3,Yeah...so at this point it’s just a waiting game. All I have is my mom.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2456,depressed,I'm may or may not be depressed.,speaker,1,"So I think I may be depressed, but I need help figuring it out. For the past year and a half most days I've felt tired, unmotivated and irritated. I feel like some of my friends don't want to be my friend. I feel like me and everyone around me is gonna have a terrible future. I feel lazy, fat and unwanted.",-0.5695,negative,lonely 2456,depressed,I'm may or may not be depressed.,listener_1,2,"I would recommend to see a doctor. You are providing only few informations and probably no one here can tell you for sure. If you want to know, see a doctor and get the treatment, you maybe need.",0.4404,positive,apprehensive 2456,depressed,I'm may or may not be depressed.,speaker,3,Aight thanks,0.4404,positive,wishing 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,speaker,1,"I’ve lived my entire life in India and recently became an immigrant in canada and I’m starting high school from next month. I’ve watched mean girls and all those high school drama movies and I don’t know what to expect. It’s just making me extremely anxious and homesick, as everything was so different back in India and it was all so easy (for me) I really need some advice would appreciate it so much if someone helped me out:)",0.4913,positive,lonely 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,listener_1,2,"Usually, school isn’t as dramatic as movies paint them out to be, and I think you’ll do great!",0.6588,positive,hopeful 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,listener_2,3,YOU LIAR!!!!!TO EVEN TRY TO TRICK HER INTO TRUSTING THOSE PSYCHOPATHS!!!! GIRL THIS IS THE HUNGER GAMES YOU ARE FOOD!!!!!!!! DO NOT TRUST ANYONE!!!!!!!! YOU SEE PEOPLE BEFORE CLASS HAS STARTED THEN YOU RUN NEVER STOP RUNNING OR YOU’LL DIE.THE CAFETERIA IS HUNTING GROUNDS.DO NOT GO THERE UNLESS YOUR WILLING TO LOOK DEATH IN THE EYES WHILE EATING.YES THE FIRST YEAR YOU’LL COME IN A FRESHMEN BUT IN THE END OF THE YEAR YOU’LL LEAVE AS A SURVIVOR OF IMPENDING DOOM,-0.657,negative,afraid 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,speaker,4,Haha thank you so much :)),0.6705,positive,wishing 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,speaker,5,Thank you! This helped so much:),0.4199,positive,acknowledging 2457,depressed,Going to high school for the first time,speaker,6,Thank you so much😊💛,0.9182,positive,wishing 2458,depressed,Recent graduate. Jobless. Depressed.,speaker,1,Feeling so unwanted.,-0.1761,negative,lonely 2458,depressed,Recent graduate. Jobless. Depressed.,listener_1,2,"Don’t give up, I was in the same boat last year and applied to 100s of jobs every week (no joke). But depression has no easy solution:(",-0.8751,negative,hopeful 2458,depressed,Recent graduate. Jobless. Depressed.,speaker,3,"Thank you for responding. Im not really in the best mood to show my CV, but thank you anyways.",0.7738,positive,grateful 2458,depressed,Recent graduate. Jobless. Depressed.,listener_1,4,No problem ! just message me if you need anything - inbox is always open !,0.4295,positive,questioning 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,speaker,1,"Hey guys, So I've had depression/depression symptoms for about 10 years now. It started out pretty mild, but it's gotten worse over the years. The main problem I've had is finding something I enjoy doing. I've talked to therapists and counselors over the last 8 years, and the issue is that I don't have any real aspirations or things that bring me joy. The sessions usually end up with us both running into that wall, and they are unable to fathom that I don't have anything I enjoy or want to accomplish in the grand scheme of things. Everything is lackluster compared to most healthy people and the few times I've talked to someone that isn't a therapist about this, they end up completely stumped or saying things like ""It gets better"" or ""Life has good and bad things"" or ""You really do have value, you just have to find something to give your life value"". These are things I just don't believe, and I cant convince myself that life is truly worth living in my case. I have a decent job, enough money to pay my bills, contribute to savings, and a decent bit left over for anything else I'd like. Most of my family is still alive and healthy, and I am too in a physical sense. I don't have many negative things going on in my life, but that doesn't change my lack of enthusiasm for everything. I would appreciate an honest assessment of what I've said. Most of my life people have just given me half ass quotes and advice in an attempt to make things better. I just don't see an upswing coming for me, so I want opinions of other people that don't feel compelled to lie to me or console me.",0.9966,positive,disappointed 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,listener_1,2,"So what you are saying is that you dont have much going on in your life and everything is pretty nornal besides your mental state in which you cant find joy in anything. Got any hobbies, or somethings you eant to try before you die?",-0.5820000000000001,negative,questioning 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,speaker,3,"Not much. Usually I'll just go to the gym after work and watch twitch before bed. Oftentimes I'm just killing time until it's close enough to workfor me to fall asleep. I do like going to the gym most of the time, but that only burns an hour and a half total.",-0.2382,negative,content 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,listener_1,4,Or you could try recreating a gym in your home.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,listener_1,5,You could try mobile or pc games. Maybe minecraft.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,speaker,6,Yeah I've been a PC gamer for most of my life. I have been playing minecraft again due to the recent hype.,0.4588,positive,agreeing 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,listener_1,7,Do you play multiplayer? Do you play or like skyblock? If yes to any of those questions then you can play with me on my island on a server.,0.8948,positive,questioning 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,speaker,8,"I currently don't even have access to a gaming computer, but I do play on some servers when I'm at home.",0.4767,positive,content 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,listener_1,9,What servers do you play on?,0.34,positive,questioning 2459,depressed,Opinions welcome,speaker,10,Two subscriber servers from twitch streamers.,0.0,neutral,impressed 2460,depressed,TW: Self Harm,speaker,1,"................... After being over a year clean of cutting (I was still occasionally hitting myself in the leg until severe bruising occurred so I wasn’t completely clean of self harm) I broke this morning. I don’t know what happened. I was fighting with my SO and suddenly I was cutting myself. I’m so ashamed and embarrassed. Not to mention disappointed in myself. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately but I can’t excuse what I’ve done. I feel so horrible and guilty for some reason. It’s so weird. I hate it. I hope I can remember this the next time I get the urge. This is why I stopped. This is why I quit hitting myself a few months ago. Because I don’t want to be embarrassed to show my legs. I want to feel comfortable and happy in my own skin. This isn’t me losing, its me coming to another challenge. Here’s to me making it through this one, and on to whatever comes next.",-0.9548,negative,ashamed 2460,depressed,TW: Self Harm,listener_1,2,"I feel ya. I've been self harming for 16 freaking years. I quit for about 6 months until February, i had a really bad day and did it again. But. I did the same as you, felt embarrassed. And I'd skinned the back of my hand so it was super visible and everyone kept asking what happened and i felt so dumb making up lies, when im 28 freaking years old. I havent done anything aside from snapping rubber bands on my wrist since then. You can do it. One relapse doesnt mean it's the end of the road. You can continue on recovering :)",-0.7943,negative,ashamed 2460,depressed,TW: Self Harm,listener_2,3,"Hey thanks for sharing. I’m 27 and feel so freaking dumb when I give in and self harm. Having a bad day and just joined this sub, and your comment is encouraging",-0.7265,negative,grateful 2460,depressed,TW: Self Harm,listener_1,4,"Totally understand. We can get over it!! It's hard, especially when it's something that I've done for more than half my life, but i know i can get past it. And trust me, if i can, anyone can hahaha. Youve got this!!!!",0.9065,positive,agreeing 2461,depressed,I can't sleep anymore.,speaker,1,I don't know what to do anymore. I can't sleep at night. My thoughts keep me up. Nothing helps.,-0.2924,negative,afraid 2461,depressed,I can't sleep anymore.,listener_1,2,Seroquel maybe. Have you ever tried sleeping pills?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2461,depressed,I can't sleep anymore.,speaker,3,I've tried diphenhydramine aka benadryl as well as melatonin. Neither really do anything for me.,0.2732,positive,sad 2461,depressed,I can't sleep anymore.,listener_1,4,I know diphenhydramine doesn’t work on me because I built a tolerance to it. That is common I think. Melatonin never did anything for me. You can get ambien from your physician. Seroquel would work good too but it lowers dopamine. You can’t use ambien too often. If you use Seroquel too often you may gain weight & like I said it lowers dopamine. But if I were you I’d try more healthy ways to improve mood & help sleep before you try sleeping drugs.,0.9652,positive,agreeing 2461,depressed,I can't sleep anymore.,speaker,5,I'll definitely do my best to find a more natural way to sleep. I haven't had 8 hours of sleep a night in at least a couple months. Thank you for responding this fast.,0.9041,positive,agreeing 2462,depressed,I was doing so well,speaker,1,"For the past 4 months Ive progessed out of a deep derpression and got my life back on a good track. (Got a job, doing well in college, working out). But just randomly a few days ago I wake up feeling depressed, unmotivated, and unproductive. There was no event that caused this. Am I doomed to this cycle? Does this happen to other people? How can I stop this?",-0.9534,negative,sad 2462,depressed,I was doing so well,listener_1,2,Pay attention to your diet. What I eat and drink changes my mood...,-0.1027,negative,hopeful 2462,depressed,I was doing so well,speaker,3,I did'nt consider this. I'll make sure to be more attetive to my diet for now on. Thank you for the advice!,0.6239,positive,neutral 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,speaker,1,"For every good thing that happens a thousand awful things happen. I feel so fucking low. My heart is in pieces, all I can manage to do is lay in my bed and cry. I want it to be over already. Life is a nightmare and I feel like there's not any escape. No gives a shit about me. I want to die.",-0.6638,negative,sad 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,listener_1,2,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/u_sanzeenaa] [It just keeps getting worse.](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_sanzeenaa/comments/cvliep/it_just_keeps_getting_worse/) &nbsp;*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*",0.6597,positive,annoyed 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,speaker,3,I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.,-0.5574,negative,sympathizing 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,listener_2,4,Why can’t we just be happy?,0.5719,positive,questioning 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,speaker,5,"That's something I've thought about a lot and I still don't have an answer to be honest. Whether it's a chemical imbalance in the brain, trauma, suffering, heartache, loneliness, guilt, etc. No matter the cause depression is a fucking awful thing. I feel like I've been miserable for so long I forget what it's like to not cry myself to sleep or to be happy. Life is just so cruel and harsh.",-0.9494,negative,sad 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,listener_2,6,I hope you get better man. I always find peace in someone who is also going thru the same feelings as I am. Makes me feel less lonely than I already am.,0.7959999999999999,positive,consoling 2463,depressed,It just keeps getting worse.,speaker,7,"I hope you do too bro, and I feel the same way.",0.4404,positive,encouraging 2464,depressed,I miss my grandpa,speaker,1,I miss my grandpa so much he passed away on the fourth day of 2018 i cant get over his loss i feel terrible i want him back but its still hard to think that hes gone,-0.5346,negative,sad 2464,depressed,I miss my grandpa,listener_1,2,Hey I've been there too. My grandfather was the only person who understood me and I had to personally watch step by step as he succumbed to bial duct cancer before dying in the living room because my uncle insisted on overdosing him with morphine to end his life quicker. I can relate and it's the worst feeling in the world. I dont know you or your situation but I respect you because you will only grow stronger. Your looking for a person who understands you and what happened so here you go.,0.5499,positive,agreeing 2464,depressed,I miss my grandpa,speaker,3,Wow,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 2464,depressed,I miss my grandpa,speaker,4,Ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 2465,depressed,I'm just lonely,speaker,1,"I never thought I'd be posting here this frequently. I'm really starting to feel like I'm alone. I'm tired of it. I don't think people see me as their friend or just a regular person going through life. I feel like the outcast in my ""friend"" group. Sometimes I just want to leave everything and start over.",0.765,positive,lonely 2465,depressed,I'm just lonely,listener_1,2,starting over isn't going to help. you have to change yourself here and now or you will just end up in the same place (lonely and depressed) somewhere else,-0.794,negative,neutral 2465,depressed,I'm just lonely,speaker,3,You're absolutely correct. The harsh reality is that I have to change. I'm just not sure of how I'm going to.,-0.628,negative,agreeing 2465,depressed,I'm just lonely,listener_2,4,I’m in the same hole brother we’re with ya,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2465,depressed,I want to die,listener_3,1,"I'm on my period and my bf of years has dumped me because I'm fat mainly. I'm 5'3 and weight 154. So I'm overweight for my height. I must be some disgusting thing. I'm sleeping with my box cutter that I had but back when I worked at Walmart. I really want to cut my veins open and just die. It's not like I have anything going for me. I have no job, no money, no human kids. Not even him. Give me one reason why I should not just end it all.",-0.9011,negative,ashamed 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,speaker,1,"Like everything is bad in my life, and it would be easier just to end it",0.2023,positive,sad 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,listener_1,2,Same here.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,listener_2,3,Don’t do it please ❤️,0.3182,positive,sympathizing 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,listener_2,4,:( ❤️,-0.4404,negative,sympathizing 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,listener_3,5,All my friends live in different states from me and i don't know how to make friends locally so the loneliness can be pretty bad.,0.4256,positive,lonely 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,listener_2,6,dang i’m sorry ❤️,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2466,depressed,Who else wants to just end it,speaker,7,Don't mate,0.0,neutral,lonely 2467,depressed,I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out this time.,speaker,1,"Normally whenever I break up with my significant other it's not that big of a deal I just carry on with my daily life, this time something's different I feel so alone I can't breathe and I wish I could say I haven't been thinking about hurting myself but that would be a lie. All I keep wishing is that I could have her back because with her at least I was happy most of the time, sure we would fight and have our differences but at the end of the day at least I came home to somebody who loved me. It's just me now and she doesn't want me back I don't want to be mad at her for it, I mean after all aren't you supposed to want the best for the people you love that's clearly not me she'll be better without me and it hurts to say. My mind keeps telling me to do a lot of things that I haven't thought about in years I don't want to do those things I wish I could apologize I wish she would listen and take me back but I know that's not going to happen and my heart and my mind won't let me get over that keeps telling me to cut my wrists or load my gun maybe take a bottle of pills again but now that I'm older I know that won't solve anything and all it will do is make things worse. I'm not 100% sure why I think this will help but I guess at least saying it out loud gets it off my mind for a second I hope I'm not bothering everybody's day or night I just kind of needed time to vent I guess. I'm not sure where to go from here I feel like it's just going to get so bad that I think I should just take that way out I really hope it doesn't come to that I just don't know how to fix my problem I just feel so alone so empty. Thanks for listening......",0.9809,positive,lonely 2467,depressed,I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out this time.,listener_1,2,"If she left you, then she has my pity. You seem like a pretty decent guy that was going on the straight and narrow, but the world keeps getting in your way. Relationships are complicated, and I can't pretend to know anything about yours; but I'd like to share my story. I was in a relationship with a woman that I respected, trusted, cared about, and made sure that she was ok. I left for basic training about 6 months into the relationship, and we had been friends for years prior. I went through basic getting letters from her every week, and they were my highlights, my best times, and my best experiences. She couldnt make it to my graduation, and I knew that before I left. I called her on a borrowed phone, and asked how she was doing. She said she was fine, and then she told me that she was going on a date with another guy the next day. The relationship broke there. I spent the next 2 years trying to find my place in the world, and tried to get over her. I'm still trying, but in time I realized that she wasnt worth it to be upset over, and that she didn't define who I am. Sorry for my rant, but I really had to get it off my chest.",0.9854,positive,trusting 2467,depressed,I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out this time.,speaker,3,"You don't have to apologise, after all I did the same thing....I guess we just didn't meet the right women and maybe that's not the worst thing in the world. I keep trying to get her out of my mind and in truth I can't nor do I really want her gone but I keep coming back to if she really loved me she couldn't hurt me this bad and neither could your ex love isn't fleeting it should last and grow ours my have withered and faded I guess we just didn't get the memo. Stay strong bro and I'll try and do the same thank you for sharing your story and for reading mine having someone to listen helps",0.9831,positive,sad 2467,depressed,I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out this time.,listener_1,4,"I guess you are right. Some scars run deep, and I still think about her some days. Knowing that I'm not the only one helps, and I wish you the best of luck in the future. Feel free to talk to me if you find that you need someone to talk to.",0.9413,positive,wishing 2467,depressed,I'm lost and I can't seem to find my way out this time.,speaker,5,Same to you random noob,-0.0516,negative,agreeing 2468,depressed,Is this depression?,speaker,1,"I have spent the last few months in a state of emotional and mental numbness. I can't stand people being around me, and I dont feel in control. I dont feel self preservation, and some days all I want to do is disappear into nothing. Some days I feel the need to do something productive, and then it feels like the world shuts me down. I've held on for this long, but I'm losing hope...",0.1655,positive,lonely 2468,depressed,Is this depression?,listener_1,2,I feel that all the time and am wondering the same thing :(,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 2468,depressed,Is this depression?,speaker,3,I'm just glad that I'm not the only one.,0.4588,positive,grateful 2468,depressed,Is this depression?,listener_1,4,Wanna talk about it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2469,depressed,Here we go again.,speaker,1,"Alright. Actually... To be honest... I don't even know what to feel now. Maybe it's disappointment. Not really sure. Anyway, I have been feeling empty for almost my entire life. I am now 25 and wished to be dying before 30. It's not a big deal really. Let it be a deadly disease or any kind of accident that doesn't involve other people then I am all good. I don't think I am capable to take my own life although that kind of thoughts already crossed my mind many timea before this. But as of lately, I started to have slight hope and motivation. I even thought about getting married and have an ordinary life just like any other people that you conside as normal. This would never happen before this because I have always thought myself as a worthless person who simply doesn't deserve anyone else in her life. But it all changed after I met a guy. He became my beacon of light. Sort of. I found myself liking him. Although, I wasn't sure if it's love or it's just me getting infatuated with him because of the loneliness of not having friends. All of a sudden I wanted to change myself. I wanted to look good. So somehow I managed to stop myself from picking on my skin. The condition I developed when I was under stress. I started to use skincare when I never used them before this because I felt like it wasn't necessary. Then I realised then I was actually getting motivated to change myself for the better and I liked it. We met almost everyday since he worked at the restaurant and I went there to eat. We talked almost every night, but there wasn't much to tall about because of the language barrier, but nonetheless I enjoyed every second of it. I just wished we can talk face to face since it would just make everything easier for me to ask everything that I want to know. However, tonight gives me a bad vibe as if I fucked everything up. I should let you guys know that I am from a muslim family but I consider myself as atheist and never told my parents or anyone. They just know that I don't pray. This guy asked me whether I pray or not and if I read Quran and I answered him honestly. I said I don't do any of these. And after a short moment, he ended the video call after telling that we should just call only. And so I called afterward, but no response. Nothing. And that brings me to here, reddit. Just wanted to let all of this out of my chest. I don't feel necessarily sad tho, but then again I don't know what I am feeling now. Perhaps someone can enlighten me. Also, I guess I will stay forever alone. Should have reevaluate myself and realise that I am the type of person that isn't good to take as a bride. /sigh.",0.9699,positive,lonely 2469,depressed,Here we go again.,listener_1,2,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/u_sanzeenaa] [Here we go again.](https://www.reddit.com/r/u_sanzeenaa/comments/cw7iby/here_we_go_again/) &nbsp;*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*",0.6597,positive,annoyed 2469,depressed,Here we go again.,speaker,3,Thanks. Yeah. Im trying but sometime Im just so incapable to do so because I still need someone to motivate me. But yeah. I guess its a total turn off for hin? Lol. Thanks again,0.8945,positive,acknowledging 2469,depressed,Here we go again.,speaker,4,"Heyyy. Thanks for the thoughts. Yeah. Shyt happens, but I think I have gotten so much of them that I no longer know in what way I am suppose to handle them, resulting in me not being able to even tell what I am feeling. As you said, perhaps I too have turned numb. I do that sometimes, wondering and questioning myself. And just exactly like you said, the guilt turned to be one of many reasons that really break me down and tear my apart mercilessly. Sometimes I even question my own sanity. Also, we can be forever alone together. So just hit me up if you want to talk alright? Anyway, for now I think I will just return back to my previous state where I just simply don't give any fucks. It's very exhausting to have to care about other people when you, yourself are left to be suffered just because you had to be conscious of what other people would think of you. Honestly, perhaps the single life is the most suitable for me. I just have to nod and agree to everything what other people say when they want to start giving me a long ass speech of why I should get married and so on and on. Later, I will have a real iron ears. Good for me tho! It's a horrible experience but so far I managed to get through it. Longest record is probably 1 hour. Yeah. One freaking hour of ears torturing.",-0.7228,negative,sad 2470,depressed,I suck,speaker,1,"I've become so lazy that I can't even remember the most basic of things. I've always been bad at remembering people's birthdays but I thought I'd at least never forget any of my family member's Birthdays and i proved myself wrong yet again. It's my father's birthday in about an hour and I had no clue until my grandma called and made me remember. Had my grandma not called, I would've forgot to wish my dad. And I would've hated myself for that. I already am.",-0.9113,negative,embarrassed 2470,depressed,I suck,listener_1,2,"You’ve always been bad at remembering birthdays, but you’re surprised you’ve forgotten one? There’s this trope that basically every family sitcom has: The husband always forgets his wife’s birthday/anniversary. I don’t know if you’re a guy or a gal, but either way it is incredibly common for otherwise perfectly sane people to forget the birthdays of their loved ones. In the end, nothing went wrong as you were reminded. And even then; any reasonable person wouldn’t care if someone else forgot their birthday. You don’t suck <3 The question is: What can you do today to make sure you won’t forget any more birthdays?",0.9359,positive,surprised 2470,depressed,I suck,speaker,3,"Yeah, I mean, I was upset because my family is the only bunch of people I've ever been close to and truly love. But you're right, I wished my dad on video chat, it was sweet. Thank you. :)",0.9393,positive,sad 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,1,"Yesterday I wrote a suicide letter on my phone. I was gonna send this letter to 2 people. They are both the closest things to friends I've got. I felt and still feel that there's nothing I can do to make this right because my whole life feels wrong all of the time. I have no one. No one cares about me. Not my family. Not even the 2 people I was gonna send my note to. I thought I deserved to feel that way. I thought I deserved to be treated like crap. I thought I deserved to be ignored and used and left out and a load of other things that no one deserves to feel. Because everyone is amazing and deserves to live and to feel good about themselves and if people make you feel like you don't deserve to feel like that then screw them. But don't end your life, don't even consider it. Reach out to someone, anyone who you know deep down cares even when it doesn't always feel like they do. Even when it feels like you have no purpose, no will, no reason to even try anymore. Try for one more day, and then another and then another and however many it takes for you to feel like ending it all isn't the answer, because it never is. Think about everyone in your life, your mum, your dad, you grandma, that one cousin you like, the person who cares, anyone who would miss you, because you know someone does don't you? Yes you do. Because even if you cry yourself to sleep every night or you think about killing yourself every day someone cares about you. So please don't kill yourself. Someone cares. Fliss <3 Message me if you need to ❤",0.9811,positive,sad 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_1,2,I had a plan on Saturday too and was had a note too. Ended up waiting one more day and felt better,0.4404,positive,embarrassed 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,3,"I'm glad you feel better, keep holding on❤",0.8779,positive,consoling 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_2,4,"Everyday I want to give up, the pain feels too intense that I feel like I’m going mad",-0.5267,negative,sad 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,5,I've felt that way for a long time but I know that one day things will get better and maybe they will get worse again but it will get better you just have to keep holding on. Things get worse before they get better.❤,0.8765,positive,faithful 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,6,"Think about everyone on your life, they'll have to live with the fact that your dead and maybe they won't know why, and maybe they will but either way they'll spend the rest of their lives missing you and they might even feel the way you do. Could you do that to them? What if they killed themselves? Just keep thinking and thinking about what your feeling, try to find a creative outlet that can express how you feel or at least let you express some anger and pain, like a sport or writing. People love you, even if they fmdont act like it but you have to remember that they might not know what to do and you have to talk to them❤",0.4329,positive,suggesting 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_3,7,How did you feel as you typed it,0.0,neutral,questioning 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_4,8,"At first, I was angry with myself. And then I felt nothing.",-0.5106,negative,disappointed 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_5,9,"For the last week I’ve been feeling this way exactly. I just want to be selfish and end my own misery. I know my family and friends will be sad, but that doesn’t make my day to day life better. Killing myself would be selfish, but at least I wouldn’t be living for others",-0.8859999999999999,negative,sad 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_6,10,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,11,I get that completely but what if your death or even suicide send the people that care about you spiraling into a dark place that they can't get out of. What if they killed themselves to? Would you really be able to end it all knowing that?,-0.951,negative,questioning 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_7,12,Yeah that's exactly my thought process. People say it's so selfish to end your own life yet people don't even realise or try to realise what you are going through.,-0.4198,negative,agreeing 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,13,"Talk to someone who can understand, a helpline, a counsellor, a therapist, a doctor, they can help you get better, they can help you feel good again and maybe one day you'll be able to smile, a real smile, not a fake one. And if you're happy again, it will make people around you happy.❤",0.9824,positive,hopeful 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_8,14,"I have no real friends. Some of them are fed up of me sharing the same old shits because I feel so lonely. Even my family. I thought even if you're dead, the world will still move forward. They, too, will move on and in a matter of weeks they'll stop talking about you. They'll go back to their usual days not caring for anyone. It's pure oblivion. In my case, I don't matter. I'm happy for those of you who still fight. Those of you who still find their safe havens. Good luck. /44",-0.9216,negative,lonely 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_9,15,"If no one cared about me while I was alive, so why should I care about anyone when I'm dead?",-0.4646,negative,lonely 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_7,16,"I've tried all of those. Counsellors, therapists, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists. They can't do anything. I hate who I am so so much and just wish for death every single day. I wish I could believe you but I can't with the way I am right now",-0.2732,negative,disappointed 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,17,"Talk to me, talk to people on reddit, other people commenting on this post, they can understand you. I get what your feeling but how would killing yourself benefit you. You have so much more life to live. You can meet your future wife/husband. You can have kids Won't that be amazing. To have your own family that you can help with things that no one helped you with. Won't that feel so good.",-0.0248,neutral,acknowledging 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_7,18,I can't have kids........ Fuck my life,0.431,positive,angry 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,speaker,19,"I'm sorry. But you could still help so many people if you just stay . Would it really feel better if you killed yourself? NO. It wouldn't. My mindset is we are all gonna die anyway so what's the point of going through the pain right now, the time will come when it's ready. Just keep holding on if you don't have a person to hold on for, hold on for me.",-0.7982,negative,sympathizing 2471,depressed,Please read this if your suicidal,listener_7,20,Knew as soon as I commented I was trans. Btw I didn't choose to be trans if you are someone that believes it's a choice. I knew the comments would stop 😓 just shows how much of a fucking joke I am. Fucking end my existence I don't belong here..,-0.3626,negative,furious 2472,depressed,someone message me,speaker,1,i need a friend rn,0.4939,positive,lonely 2472,depressed,someone message me,listener_1,2,Fk am I late? Do you still need someone to talk to?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2472,depressed,someone message me,listener_2,3,What kind of help have you actually attempted before making this claim?,0.3415,positive,questioning 2473,depressed,Horribly depressed and lonely in college,speaker,1,"So I go to a large school about 13 hours from my hometown. I really wanted the big school experience and to go to football games and all that good stuff. I’ve been here for over a week but it’s been absolute shit. The only part I’ve liked are my classes which I suppose is a good thing. My teachers are much more interesting and the material seems more interesting too than a lot of high school. Sadly everything else is going poorly for me. I can’t find anywhere to eat that gives me enough food on campus. My building doesn’t have any food in it and the only place near us gives you half a salad for 1 meal swipe and I have 2 meal swipes a day. I’m a 6’3 210 pound guy and it’s quite hot here and there’s a lot of walking. One full salad isn’t gonna cut it. I constantly feel like I’m hungry. I think we’re just gonna buy food and have it in our dorm because of how fucking stupid the meal policy is here. One of the things that I like to do is workout. I love to lift and run after a long day but the gym is constantly packed. I can’t ever go and lift unless it’s like Sunday morning. It is really bumming me out because I’ve worked really hard to build up my strength. I’ve just been using the treadmill a lot but because I’m not eating much or just garbage I can’t recover from between workouts so my body just feels like shit and it never was like that back home. Probably the worst thing is the people. My dorm is sort of more apartment style. My roommate and I have our own rooms. He’s pretty cool and we went to high school together. My main issue is that we weren’t like best friends or anything and we’re pretty different. I mean we both like to party and stuff and share some things and generally get along well. But we just ran with different groups of kids back home. Also like I said I enjoy partying but literally 97 percent of the kids I’ve met can only talk about partying. They have nothing else to say about anything at all. They’re drinking like 7 days a week in their dorms and it’s just so boring. My roommate and I went out to a bar and that was pretty fun because it distracted me from the gnawing loneliness that is chipping away at me each day. We had been sort of friends with these kids on a lower floor on our building and had gone exploring around the campus late at night and attended a few sporting events together but we picked up some beer for them on Friday with the expectation that we were going to hang out. But instead they kicked us out because they were “trying to fuck some chicks”. And the one kid tried to get us to leave without paying us back or saying thank you or anything. I mean I respect the girl part but I mean I don’t get why we couldn’t hang out for a little. Essentially every dude in this building is like that. They don’t want to hang unless you’re a girl. Our floor feels like a Soviet block. The doors are all shut and it’s always quiet. Nobody really talks to us. Today we said hi to a girl getting off an elevator while we were getting on and she looked at us like we were osama bin laden. A girl from our high school goes here too and she seems like she’s thriving. She’s in a sorority and she’s made a lot of friends. She never really texts us back but we’ve hung out once with her and her roommates. It was so fun because I felt like they wanted me there and didnt just want me to get alcohol or something. But she’s in a sorority now so she’s probably gonna be super busy and not talk to us like usual. We met some girls Friday who wanted alcohol so we helped them out thinking the same stupid thing that maybe they’d hang with us if we helped them out. Instead they told us that they’d text us later when we asked if they wanted to chill and went and hung out with a bunch of other dudes in the building. They texted us again the next day asking if they could come by our room to get high. (We are using carts not actual weed I’m not a complete dumbass). So I said sure because I thought again for some ungodly reason that maybe they’d hang out with us. Instead the came by stayed for 15 minutes and left to go hang out with some other dudes again. The one girl was super attractive and because I’m a moron I thought that attractiveness=interesting personality. So I was kind of infatuated with her for like 2 days until yesterday when she was talking about how bored she was and I was like me too let’s talk or something. She promptly told me that she was looking to drink. That is when I realized that I am a fucking idiot. I thought college would be fun. I’d make a couple friends and maybe meet a nice girl or something who knows. But so far all it’s been is a circus of cookie cutter personalityless alcoholics. It is fun at times. Going to the bar was fun. Some nights when it’s very late I take a long walk. I enjoy that as well. However, I am so miserable. My only escape has been alcohol and weed. It numbs how lonely I feel. I thought I’d meet interesting people from different parts of the country who’s values and ideas were different and challenged my own. I was sorely mistaken. I miss my high school friends who made me feel like I belonged and wanted to have me around for my company not to give them shit. I miss my parents and dogs and knowing that I belonged. I try to text my high school friends every once in a while and I talk to my parents a lot but it seems like everyone’s having a better experience for the most part. I realized that I’m just going to be lonely forever probably. Once college is over I probably will end up dying alone because I just feel like I’m bad at meeting people honestly. I can’t make any meaningful connections with anyone. I’m so far from home and I can’t just go back to visit. I don’t think I’d ever kill myself but if all life has to offer is being extremely lonely between long periods of getting fucked up then idk if I really want to be around for that long. I think I made a bad decision for where I went to school. I’m willing to stick it out like 2 years but after that idk. Also, I seriously don’t know how I’m going to deal with being so lonely as an actual adult after college. I know I haven’t been in college for long but this is seriously some of the most intense loneliness I’ve ever felt. I have gone a few days without really talking to anyone besides my roommate and its not because I’m not trying. I just wish I had a group of smart kids who like having a good time when all their shit is done like I did in high school. But it’s like I’m stuck between kids who don’t do anything and kids who can only party. I find both kids boring and hard to relate to. It’s just such an overwhelming feeling. I’m not someone who cries a lot but I’ve spent at least three nights in my dorm just fucking crying because I feel so alone.",0.9989,positive,disappointed 2473,depressed,Horribly depressed and lonely in college,listener_1,2,I'm sorry you are having a shit time. You sound like a really nice and cool guy. You will find someone. Try to do things to make yourself happy. You can message me if you ever want to :),0.8822,positive,sympathizing 2473,depressed,Horribly depressed and lonely in college,speaker,3,Thank you very much :) I’m trying but it’s just hard right now. I hope that if I keep doing my thing that maybe I’ll find other people like me. Maybe after a few weeks kids will get tired of spending hundreds of dollars on alcohol to drink everyday of the week. Or maybe they’ll fail that first calc test and realize that there’s more to life than drinking 😂,0.5631,positive,hopeful 2473,depressed,Horribly depressed and lonely in college,listener_1,4,I feel you. I'm in uni as well and not loving the people. Just focus on yourself. Push your way into the gym and take the weights lmao. Do what you want to do. Go find good food. Talk to lots of people and you will find someone who suits you. I believe in you :),0.8424,positive,faithful 2473,depressed,Horribly depressed and lonely in college,speaker,5,Thank you it means a lot to hear that. I hope that I find my place here and some real food,0.6597,positive,acknowledging 2474,depressed,High Intensity CBT & Counselling,speaker,1,Does anyone have experience of either of these therapies for depression? I'm in the UK and have been offered either of these through the NHS. I currently have recurring depressive episodes and mood swings. It sounds as though counselling is more about getting to the root of the issue and cbt is more about coping with the symptoms rather than trying to work out what's causing it? But if anyone has any experience of either I'd be really interested.,0.2958,positive,questioning 2474,depressed,High Intensity CBT & Counselling,listener_1,2,"Long term depression here. Been to psychologists, psychiatrists and done cbt therapy a few times. My cbt therapy seemed to consist of filling out multiple workbooks and discussing my answers witha mental health nurse. They tried teaching me how to control my anxiety, avoid a full blown panic attack/ how to get through one if it happened. Ways to try and improve my mood like exercise and healthy eating (if only it was that simple) listing positive things about my day or certain situations. I already knew this stuff so I didn't feel it helped me but I can see how it could work for others. I felt it was quite repetitive and if I answered well I felt like they saw it as ""See? You're fine!"" Psychiatrist talked through things with me which were happening in the present. She pretty much said the things I was going through were a lot for anyone to deal with. My problems were situational and she (or myself) couldn't do anything to change it so there was nothing she could do. I was discharged. This actually made my depression a whole lot worse. I felt like if the professionals didn't even know what do do with me then how could I help myself. I felt like a lost cause. She did prescribe a low dose of anti psychotics to help boost my anti depressants and to help with insomnia. Psychologists are who I've dealt with the most. They tend to work on my past. Some present things if the past affects them if that makes sense. I didn't find it helpful having that neutral person giving me advice and helping me to see things clearer. It also helped to have someone understand my feelings and explain why I may have felt or thought a certain way. One of the big issues during that period was that I was in an extremely abusive relationship with a lot of gaslighting and psychological abuse. She helped me see that the things happened weren't okay and that I wasnt losing my mind. She was so kind and caring and seemed to genuinely care and want to help which made it easier to talk to her. She gave me the strength to finally see clearly and leave. We worked through a lot of things together and this treatment helped the most but... it was very hard. I'm not much of a talker (especially about feelings and all that stuff) so talking that much about all the negative, bad things in my life was very difficult. Even though it helped I found after each appointment I was very drained and my mood would be low due to the nature of the discussions. Lots of hard work but I'd say worth it in the long run. I also regularly have appointments with my gp to discuss my medication (anti depressants, anti psychotics, anti anxiety) and make sure everything is working how it should or if doses/medications need changed. Sorry for rambling on so much! Hope this helps and all the best.",0.8565,positive,prepared 2474,depressed,High Intensity CBT & Counselling,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for your reply - I really appreciate it. I did ""low intensity cbt"" therapy initially and didn't find it helped me with the depression. I found it really obvious. My depression is often not situational. I can plummet fast and for no obvious reason. I struggled applying the low level cbt to that. I had the first counselling for depression session last night and felt terrible afterwards. But not in a therapeutic (confronting my demons) type way. Ive had counselling for anxiety years and years ago and i sometimes emerged from that feeling upset because we had dealt with painful fears. Which is good. Last night was different. The therapist managed to upset me about 5 times. She managed (accidentally I'm sure) to make me feel melodramatic, a drain on my friends and overly needy. I suspect she would be mortified if she knew i came home feeling deeply upset but I didn't feel understood at all and felt like we were on completely different wavelengths. I really don't want to see her again. I felt alright when i went in too. The mental health team will let me try counselling again with a different counsellor if i want. I'll have a think...I do think a lot of mine comes from past trauma.",-0.9703,negative,sad 2474,depressed,High Intensity CBT & Counselling,listener_1,4,"I was the same with the cbt, it just seemed like common sense really. I get what you mean about feeling upset in a therapeutic way. Its draining but at least you feel like you've made progress. Last nights experience sounds rough :( sounds like you didn't click at all. If they've offered a different counsellor maybe give it a try and see if they're better? Finding the right person is important and theres nothing wrong with wanting to try someone else. I've got a lot of past trauma too. Its bloody hard going and I really feel for you.",0.777,positive,suggesting 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,1,"Ya, I've had it. No mas. Can I use the box cutter now?",-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,2,No don't do it. What is the problem ? Maybe I can help.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,suggesting 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,3,"Thanks for offering, but I don't think anyone can help.",0.6705,positive,neutral 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,4,thanks. but nah.,0.09,positive,neutral 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_2,5,"You are going to take your life bc of something a guy said to you? You are worth way more than him, just say, “Thank you, next.”",0.2263,positive,angry 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,6,Please don't do it. You know deep down you don't deserve that. You are a good person. Just try your best to make yourself happy. Be happy with the little things in life. The suicidal feelings come and go. Don't let your feelings control you. I promise they are lying to you. You are not your temporary thoughts and feelings. Think of how different from you a blind person perceives the world. So does a depressed person. Once you get better you will see things differently.,0.7806,positive,sad 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,7,It's not just talk. It's the truth. Do whatever you can short of killing yourself. Go on disability. You are clearly very depressed and in any good humans eyes worthy of help. Ask people for help. Be there for yourself as well. You are strong enough to deal with anything. Tell yourself that! Because it's the truth xx,0.9216,positive,confident 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,8,"can't , all i want is to do just that. I don't want help. i want to die. slice myself with the box cutter ya.",-0.6985,negative,sad 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,9,Then what is your soulmate gonna do if you die. Just roam the earth by themselves cause you are dead! Think of your future mate.,-0.68,negative,questioning 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,10,he doesn't give a damn. he would be thankful because he'll be free of me.,0.8503,positive,neutral 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,11,He is not your mate then! you haven't found him yet but he's out there waiting for you. You can't just leave him on his own. That's not fair. You would be perfect for each other in every way.,0.6275,positive,neutral 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,speaker,12,i think he would have found me already if he existed. life's not fair. I've known that since i was 6.,-0.2411,negative,neutral 2475,depressed,Can I just die already.fuck,listener_1,13,That's not true he will come into your life at the perfect time. Trust me. He is out there. The perfect half to you. I know because my parents were each others soulmate. I really believe it!! you just have to look after yourself until you come out the other side of depression. You will thank yourself for how strong you are. No matter what you are doing in life. You are alive!! you are already badass for that. It's all about progress. No matter how small you think that progress is!! not killing yourself is progress. Getting out of bed is progress. Eating healthy food is progress. Exercise is progress.,0.9914,positive,trusting 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,1,"Hello. It feels a bit awkward because I'd have never in my life imagined that I'd be writing here. Lately, I've been very, very depressed. Even worse than I used to be. I'm struggling whether to leave or stay with my bf. He didn't do anything wrong, he loves me and takes care of me, and he's really the ideal partner. The thing is that I no longer have feelings for him, not in a romantical way. I love him as my best friend, not bf. That's why I have terrible anxiety. I've never experienced breakup since this is my first relationship, which lasts for 3 years. I can't decide what to do: whether to breakup and lose him, and with him also his family and friends, that I'm very close with. Or I can stay, but deep inside I will always know that there is someone, somewhere, who I could love the way I want to love someone. I want to try something new, with someone new, but I can't imagine losing my best friend(=actual bf). Sometimes, I Just feel like it would be all easier to just end it up. None of this would hurt anymore. No choices. The only thing I've been doing these days is crying, mental-breakingdown and discussing whether it's all worth it. What's better? Breaking two hearts by leaving, or only one, the mine, by staying? Help me.",0.991,positive,lonely 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",listener_1,2,"As horrible as it seems,your feelings count most at the end of the day It won't be easy at first,but if you can't do it anymore then don't pretend and just be honest,if they're decent people they should at least appreciate the honesty instead of you having to keep up a lie. Hope everything works out for you :)",0.7343,positive,neutral 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,3,Thank you...,0.3612,positive,wishing 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",listener_2,4,No problem,0.3089,positive,angry 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,5,"Thank you, trust me, it feels terrible to break a heart when u still care and love. It's just not that type of love it should be....",0.9612,positive,sympathizing 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,6,"That's the point-I don't exactly know. I guess it's just stereotype, but sadly he's not the one who can change that. We've tried many times, but it didn't work for me.",-0.6542,negative,neutral 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,7,"Yes, and he has almost everything I'm looking for in a partner. Even if it sounds terrible, somehow that isn't enough for me. Since this is my first relationship, I feel like I want to try something else,with someone else, because that's right. I just don't wanna lose him.",0.5659,positive,jealous 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,8,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,9,"I don't have feelings for anybody else at the moment. But, though Ik it's not fair, I feel that I'm open up to other relationship. Like I wouldn't mind if someone flirted with me, and I can tell that it seems like I'm just waiting for someone to come around, if you know what I mean. I have more interest in men than when I was in love.",0.9432,positive,trusting 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",listener_3,10,Anytime we're here to help anyone who needs it,0.4019,positive,caring 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",listener_4,11,"It is a good thing that you are aware of your thoughts and feelings. If you feel like this for a while now, perhaps you should act on it",0.6597,positive,suggesting 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",listener_5,12,"So sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side but since this is your first, then maybe your instincts are right. From what I’ve learned, great relationships exist not because two people are perfect for each other, but rather be because two people are willing to tolerate each other and support one another. If this is your first though, then its very likely that you are just growing apart. That happens and the right thing is to move on. Maybe try a break where you limit how much you talk to each other (if you talk at all) and give each other space to see if you have grown apart. I think it’s more important to know that you are happy without him and to be happy by yourself and only then consider being with someone else. I feel like I’ve been on the other side of this lol. I was in a 3 year relationship in high school to sophomore year of college and my girlfriend didn’t know what she wanted and left me to see what else was out there. However, it wasn’t better for her and when she came back for me, I was with someone better. She’ll text me every now and then that she misses me but I’ve still been ignoring her for the last 5 years. If you have a good looking guy, with a bright future, who treats you right, and you have fun with them, then that’s probably something worth hanging onto. While something new may be more exciting in the moment, those moments don’t last long and you’re left without that person who actually loved you. I hope my story doesn’t scare you from moving on, if that’s your heart desires. I’m just trying to give you all the information from both sides so that you can make the most informed decision possible.",0.9973,positive,suggesting 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,13,"I know I should, I'm just terrified of losing my only close friend.",-0.5267,negative,guilty 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,14,"Thank you very much for sharing your story with me. I'm not gonna lie, even if you didn't mean to scare me, you did. I think I'll try the break and see what comes from it. I'm just very confused, since this is my first, and I'm afraid of staying with the first person that comes, because you never know how the others would treat you. But I'm afraid that if we break up, nobody will love me the way he did and I will never ever be happy. This is just so hard. I can't keep dealing with it anymore.",0.6313,positive,trusting 2476,depressed,"Help me, anyone",speaker,15,"For the third time today, thank you, genuinely thank you. This means so much to me. You must be a very kind person that you spend so much time writing me these thoughtful words. I'll definitely take your advice and give myself some space to work this out.",0.9184,positive,grateful 2477,depressed,I Don’t know if it’s depression or emptiness I feel,speaker,1,"I started high school a few weeks ago and it is really tearing my down. I’m taking honors and AP classes with a lot of homework plus I have severe ADHD so I’m struggling to get it l done so, I’m getting a lot of NTI’s (not turned ins) they basically count as zeros. I can turn them all in still but my social anxiety is basically controlling me and I can’t go up the teacher and give him/her the papers. I got sick and missed a quiz and test but I’m to scared to make that up either. My GPA is horrid, my mom is mad, and I’m upset...I think. The thing that is hurting me the most is all my problems can easily be fixed but I’m going through constant distress just because I’m a little scared?? After about 3 weeks of NTIs and shit I’m starting to just feel sad all the time or maybe empty? I can’t tell, I mean I care and I’m mad at myself but at the same time I just given in and let my ADHD and social anxiety control my life. I don’t know what to do, and I’m starting to hate myself more everyday. I know school isn’t really a big problem to most so I’m sorry if I seen overdramtic or something of the sort. Honestly, I just really need feedback and help. Sorry for grammar/spelling errors I’m bad a writing",-0.996,negative,sad 2477,depressed,I Don’t know if it’s depression or emptiness I feel,listener_1,2,"Hey there I was just like you when I was in high school! Always doing too much and eventually getting so in over my head that I would avoid everything, which doesn’t really solve anything. The biggest thing bogging you down right now is stress. You also just started high school, that’s a BIG deal. Take the steps you need to make it better for yourself (ie cutting back on the challenging classes). I know the hardest thing is getting disapproval from parents and/or friends. But in the long run you will feel better and they will get over it. Advocate for yourself, we all have our limits.",0.7899,positive,agreeing 2477,depressed,I Don’t know if it’s depression or emptiness I feel,speaker,3,Thank you for the help but what do I do it fix my mental problems,-0.2382,negative,neutral 2477,depressed,I Don’t know if it’s depression or emptiness I feel,listener_1,4,"That’s not such an easy answer. It’s going to involve what you feel comfortable with. Whether that’s talking to a parent, close relative, friend, or guidance counselor. Find someone that you trust will get you to the help you need.",0.8777,positive,trusting 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,speaker,1,Yall know how sometimes all you want is for somone to just hug you and I mean like just hold you and tell you that everything is ok and that you matter and just completely break down and cry for a just a moment and let everything out Yeah that would be nice right about now......,0.8442,positive,sentimental 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,listener_1,2,*hugs immediately* and tells you everything is going to be just fine. Its ok. Cry as much as you want. I am here to listen to every last word you ever have to say.,0.29600000000000004,positive,faithful 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,listener_2,3,Yes! I’ve always had this feeling and that having a SO would help when I needed hugs and some physical support.,0.9215,positive,trusting 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,listener_3,4,"""Forget the sex, entirely. Just love me, that's what I need. Thanks.""",0.7564,positive,content 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,listener_4,5,same :(,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,speaker,6,I feel you man....,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2478,depressed,I just want a hug,listener_5,7,yea. getting support here is helpful but i would benefit way more if i had someone irl telling me they loved me and they helped me through hard times.,0.91,positive,neutral 2479,depressed,Always feel terrible.,speaker,1,"I just always feel terrible/sad. good things keep happening, I find a problem, and even once I work my way around it I still feel like its a problem. anyone else feel like I do? just no matter how many good things happen or how much they try to repair themselves they always feel bad and hopeless?",-0.3682,negative,sad 2479,depressed,Always feel terrible.,listener_1,2,"You'll never be the only one dude,we all lose our way sometimes. I'm constantly in a state where nothing can thrill or make me happy and it's left me with what I feel like is next to no friends and my terrible attitude towards it doesn't help either but yeah you ain't alone",0.2844,positive,lonely 2479,depressed,Always feel terrible.,speaker,3,thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2480,depressed,Sexually Abscessed by childhood friends,speaker,1,"Im writing this drunk and high ,the most fucked up ive ever been but this this the only way i could write this.When i was between the ages of 4-7 i was touched by my best friend who lived across the street from me we would play a game called the gross game gets a bit more graphic and i would lick his penis and lick and touch each other buttholes but eventually I Wouldn't want to play this game and internationally say out load i didn't want to play and he would say be quit and wast also touched by my next door neighbor being in her bedroom and she said she was playing doctor and would be touching my penis Ive always put this in the back of my mind im 19 just recently and never wanted to confront this topic",0.5471,positive,ashamed 2480,depressed,Sexually Abscessed by childhood friends,listener_1,2,"That is child abuse and you should report him. If you can, talk to the people you know who would listen to you about this matter.",-0.6218,negative,faithful 2480,depressed,Sexually Abscessed by childhood friends,listener_1,3,How old was he?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,1,"My birthday party was yesterday. I was honestly looking forward to it. I've been really withdrawn lately and feel like things are just constantly negative in my life. This was supposed to be a big bright spot in my month. I'm turning 20. My parents planned it, I didn't really want to. It just felt like more stress I couldn't handle. We had a barbeque which was nice. But my sister came without even a card. She forgot it was my birthday. My dad got me a cake I don't like, he knew I wouldn't. I don't think it's ever hurt so much watching everyone else eat birthday cake while you just sit there on your birthday. My dad and grandparents were too busy playing with my nephew on an Ipad to even sing Happy birthday to me. I got a card for a five year old from my grandparents that said to go clean my room on the inside. They've never even seen my bedroom. I live alone. I guess I'm just saying that, I felt like shit on my birthday and wanted somewhere to say it. I feel like I had so much anticipation and excitement. I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. It just hurts worse.",0.0615,positive,disappointed 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,listener_1,2,"🎶Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you dear OP, Happy birthday to you!!!!🎶 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯 🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯🕯 🎁🎁🎁🎁🎁 + infinity more (Paste a cake that you absolutely adore × 20 here) Wish you have a better 20-21 years of your life",0.9898,positive,joyful 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,3,Thank you so much. This mwans so much,0.3612,positive,wishing 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,listener_1,4,Talk to us anytime you feel like things are going bad. We'll be able to help you out. Al least one of us will surely reply with a few hours.,0.5574,positive,trusting 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,listener_2,5,Not a competition asshole why even say that,0.0,neutral,angry 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,6,That made me feel soooo much better. /S,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,7,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,8,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,speaker,9,So I'm supposed to just suck it up and eat a cake that I can't stomach? What he did for me was buy a cake he liked but I absolutely hate and he knew it. All I asked for was a yellow cake with vanilla frosting. I didn't ask for presents. And I've gotten my sister a present every year for the past thirteen years. My sister forgot my birthday and didn't even think to maybe stop at a gas station or something on the way over to get a card? Pretty sure my birthday is supposed to be about me. I'm sorry you spent your 20th alone. But I didn't ask for a party but getting told they planned a special party for me that was going to be awesome and asking me what cake I wanted to get me excited only to totally ignore it kind of crushed me. I put time and thought and effort into everyone in my family's birthdays and gifts and I'd just appreciate if they could remember.,0.9089,positive,furious 2481,depressed,Awful birthday,listener_3,10,"You’re acting very entitled and you’ve posted this story in two different places to try and get sympathy. Yes, it sucks your dad got a different cake than the one you wanted. You’re not a terrible person for being hurt. But you are not entitled to a birthday party. Gifts. Or a cake. You even said in the other place you posted this story that you EXPECTED A CAR. So many others have nothing and have no family at all. Be happy you had people celebrate you. You have to stay positive and move on. You will only be bitter and angry and alone. Clearly your family cares about you. Stop making everyone else’s actions seem against you.",0.9589,positive,jealous 2482,depressed,I know,speaker,1,"I know i need to keep living and go on with my life and do what everyone else does, get a job make money and live my life but I don't see the point",0.0,neutral,jealous 2482,depressed,I know,listener_1,2,"No no no. You dont need to live your life like others. You dont need to get stuck in a endless sufferable office job. But what you do need to do is experience everything. The good and the bad. The ups and downs of life so when you grow up, you can pass on that knowledge. That is why you need to live. You only get one chance. Use it to the fullest.",0.3169,positive,grateful 2482,depressed,I know,speaker,3,But I already have seem to be set in the path of an office job and will be locked into the full time job life which will make it that much harder to get a different one,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2482,depressed,I know,listener_1,4,You can change that. You need to take some or a lot of time off the work you are doing to go out and explore the world people have made. Maybe visit japan. Maybe Australia. Maybe america if you havent seen it yet. You may take a financial hit so be sure to have enough before your big break.,0.3774,positive,suggesting 2483,depressed,I wanna go die in a hole,speaker,1,"I wanna go die in a hole because school is making my feelings come out of me. I don’t want to be in school anymore because I’m starting to just... hate the idea of waking up every morning and having to spend time with people you don’t want to and having to learn things that you don’t want to. I don’t have classes with the few people I’m friends with and I don’t make friends easily because I am not the one to make the first move and I cower behind a mental wall if someone talks to me. I feel inadequate in most of my classes, asking myself why I chose to be in honors, in a certain class, or why I didn’t fight harder against myself to defy what my dad wants me to do. And then now I have to get a certain item of clothing for a performance tomorrow and I might have to use my mom’s and if I do, then that will be succumbing to the fact that maybe my body isn’t as good as I thought it was and yeah. My dad yelled at me earlier for not calling him to tell him to buy and where to, but it was really hard to ask my friends what I needed because I just thought I was a nuisance and it’s my first time having to buy them. I also “passed out” idk.. but I fell asleep for an hour or two earlier because I’m already too tired and too worn out from classes and from having to deal with school and people I don’t want to, and i just feel like if I didn’t say this all here, I would relapse and start hurting myself again, mentally and physically. I don’t want that to happen because I’m even more scared of being found out by the person who will probably tell someone else at this point and be found out by the people who I’m performing with. I feel like I’ve been drained of emotions too besides these ones after school started. I just don’t feel comfortable of who I am and what I’m doing anymore. I just wish it was early enough and that I had my homework done so I could sleep already and forget that these past few hours even happened. Thanks for reading this wall of text if you made it this far.",0.7408,positive,sad 2484,depressed,i started brushing my teeth again,speaker,1,it’s been hard for me to do those simple things. i am so tired and i feel like i can move when those things pop into my head. it was yesterday when i finally had the energy to get up and do it. i know it sounds disgusting not brushing your teeth for months but i just couldn’t do it. i remember looking at myself in the mirror and smiling the biggest smile i could. of course it didn’t do anything for me. but i somehow feel accomplished.,0.8634,positive,ashamed 2484,depressed,i started brushing my teeth again,listener_1,2,I’m proud of you,0.4767,positive,impressed 2484,depressed,i started brushing my teeth again,listener_2,3,We're*,0.0,neutral,confident 2485,depressed,Need advice on helping a friend,speaker,1,"He often says he wants to die. We try to have normal conversations but it always end up with him mentioning that he’s struggling to live. We have very different views on life so I feel like whatever I say its definitely not going to help, but if I ignore him he probably feels even more depressed. I’m constantly walking on eggshells (and I mean.. really fragile eggshells) but I don’t really want this friendship to turn sour.",-0.465,negative,apprehensive 2485,depressed,Need advice on helping a friend,listener_1,2,"It's gonna sound pretty callous, but you cant help someone that doesn't want help. The best thing that you could do for them is support them. Keep reminding them of the little victories in life. One of the best ways out of the deeper holes is with small steps.",0.9208,positive,caring 2485,depressed,Need advice on helping a friend,speaker,3,"Thank you for your reply! I try :I Our group of friends would point out little victories and positive points from whatever activities that we are doing hanging out together. It has come to a point though where after someone says it, he would rebut with something like ‘if only thats gonna solve my problems’ Its hard. I want to keep on trying but its so hard",0.62,positive,annoyed 2485,depressed,Need advice on helping a friend,listener_1,4,"It is hard, but as a friend you can only support them. If it'll help, push them to get meds, or therapy. Or anything to that effect really (they wont know it doesnt work unless they give it a try) Stay away from drugs and alcohol, especially. There is no need to mess with the serotonin and dopamine levels any more than necessary. But thats all I can suggest unfortunately. Hope it helps!",0.8806,positive,consoling 2486,depressed,Life is not for everyone,speaker,1,"I haven't met a lot of people like me, but what I can say is that this world is not for everyone. Some of us may try to live a normal life but sooner or later life will kick you back to where you came from. There's no hope. I prayed to Satan because God turned his back on me. I don't want to be in this world anymore., not like this. There's no hope. There's nothing. I have seen the truth and It told me what I already knew, this is not where I belong.",-0.434,negative,faithful 2486,depressed,Life is not for everyone,listener_1,2,"If you are alive, you were given an experience. You are meant to be here because you are here! Everything else is just head chatter and judgmental thoughts. In my opinion there is a piece of god in everyone (not the male figure god). You are here, but you have the conscious decision to believe you aren’t meant to be, which in my opinion is the power of a very intelligent dimensional being",0.8240000000000001,positive,trusting 2486,depressed,Life is not for everyone,listener_2,3,You were forced into an experience****,-0.4588,negative,neutral 2486,depressed,Life is not for everyone,listener_1,4,"This reality is just a game, the earth is our playground, don’t take life to serious or it becomes a not so great experience",-0.6639,negative,consoling 2487,depressed,Somebody fix me,speaker,1,"So there's this girl I like. I fucking love her actually. We've been friends for only like 1 to 2 years though. For the whole time I've known her she was dating this guy. They were together for over 4 years I think. He's a good guy. I never thought I'd have a chance even if they broke up. Still I was obsessed with her. She knew I was too. Just the other day I hung out with her and my other friend. Our friend group has honestly completely fallen apart and I had barely seen her either for a while. It was so strong for such a short period. But we were hanging. Just the three of us. Driving around in my car. She says she wants to tell us something and then immediately takes it back. I knew right then it was because of me. Because I was there. Then she finally says it. She broke up with her boyfriend a month ago. At this point I'm confused but kinda excited. I hate myself for that. As time goes on my one piece of shit friend keeps prodding and prodding her for more information. She keeps having to hold back cause she knows it'll hurt me, but he keeps pushing until most of its probably been said. She says stuff about this guy she works with, but keeps it real simple. Says she doesn't want a relationship. One sentence though she said implied they fucked. This was the point where I started fucking losing it. I kept yelling at my friend about stupid shit. I was mad at her, but I knew it was irrational so I directed it at him. After we drop her off he starts telling me shit like, he was manipulating her to pretend he's on her side to get more info, and I mean of course he was. He then says shit like, you know she's not the one now, he says, she's just so toxic, look at all the red flags, forget about her. I feel like he's just grinding a knife into my chest. I'm finally parked in front of his house and he keeps saying this shit and I'm just curled up sobbing against the steering wheel. I finally tell him to leave and he does. I call my other friend a bunch till he picks up then he helps me clear my head. He kinda sucks to, but I won't go into that. Then I get home and realize the girl left her sunglasses in my car. I'm suddenly extactic. The next morning she replies to my Snapchat about it saying they are in fact hers. I ask her if we can talk or something just for a bit after I drop them off. Not to make a move, but because I have a lot I want to say to her. Whenever I hang with her other people are there and I never get to say what I want to say. Anyways she clearly didn't want to. She was a bit hungover and had a cold so I just dropped them off. Then the depression fucking hit as hard as ever again. Just completely numb. I end up shitting all the shit I want to say to her out in a Snapchat message. I do that cause she doesn't let me do it in person ever. I basically ask her to be honest with me. I'm a little drunk. I don't how far too far is, but I basically at this point want her to tell me she hates me. I want everyone to. I want to move away from my friends and family and live alone till I'm finally able to hang myself. There are so many other factors, but that's all I can say here I guess.",-0.9933,negative,jealous 2487,depressed,Somebody fix me,listener_1,2,"Ehh man. Just relax. Its all gonna be fine. Ignore the people you dont like in your life, and spend a couple days thinking about yourself. Get in a good headspace. Then go back with a much better attitude and try to not show your real emotions to the people you hate, and only to your real friends. Spend some time with your family honestly and open up to them, they’ll help you.",0.8747,positive,consoling 2487,depressed,Somebody fix me,speaker,3,"I was just talking to my one friend and she said that the guy friend I was with asked her out that night, probably while I was out of the car pissing on some tree. I work with this guy. I work with him today. I'm scared now. He's manipulative and he's gotten it so he's the only person I see regularly. I don't know what he wants from me. He says so often that he wants to help me and all this shit, then turns around and tells me how he's manipulating all the people in our lives. It makes me sick and he's definitely doing it to me more than I know. I'm actually scared.",-0.775,negative,terrified 2488,depressed,kill me already,speaker,1,"I hate living i have a plan to go kill myself, bc this life aint mind and i can feel this everyday. I say this bc everything i do doesnt bring me any joy at all it just leaves me feeling empty alone and nonexistant. I feel like i'm watching someone else pilot my body while i watch from afar. I dont feel anything anymore the only time when i feel like im alive is when im self harming myself. I just wished i could just fucking die in myself bc i give up nothing brings me any kind of hope or joy.",-0.3991,negative,lonely 2488,depressed,kill me already,listener_1,2,"ik it’s hard and ik you probably won’t believe. by the philosophy i live by is that all pain and suffer is for a reason, and the life, the experiences, and the people that you have after that suffering are always worth it. you’ve already made it so far. proven you are strong. you can keep going i promise. stay here with us and with everyone you have ever live and everyone who has ever loved you.",0.0258,neutral,neutral 2488,depressed,kill me already,listener_2,3,Yeah I agree that the payoff would be good. Only if the chemical dependency didn’t get to me first...,0.765,positive,agreeing 2488,depressed,kill me already,speaker,4,"thanks, but in reality im not loved and im just a nusinance to everyone who knows me. It be better if i was gone and erased from this planet",0.1484,positive,neutral 2488,depressed,kill me already,listener_3,5,"Preaching to the choir,my friend. Same here.",0.4939,positive,faithful 2489,depressed,I need advice.,speaker,1,"So, during June I talked to this guy and we got a long really well. I ended up telling him how worthless I felt, and sad. all of that. I honestly told him because I liked him(didn’t tell him that but he knew that I liked someone) and thought I could finally talk about how I felt. He told to keep holding on and that he would be there for me throughout my struggle. Two months passed and now when we see each other he completely ignores me. I don’t know if he knows that I liked him or how that would change something? I feel at a complete loss. Did I do something wrong? Please help!",0.4605,positive,trusting 2489,depressed,I need advice.,listener_1,2,there’s a lot of things this can be. it all depends on the guy. maybe he thought it was getting too much for him and didn’t know how to end it. it could be he just wasn’t a good person and you were offering what he was looking for. maybe something personal could’ve happened or he might of heard something false that lead to him distancing himself. the best thing you can do isn’t to speculate but to ask him. and it’ll be hard to it will be hard to talk to him or hear what he has to say but closure is always better.,0.7351,positive,suggesting 2489,depressed,I need advice.,speaker,3,I know you’re right but I’m terrified. I’m pretty sure it’s because he heard that I liked him from someone else and it’d be weird after that. Anyway thanks!,0.8197,positive,agreeing 2489,depressed,I need advice.,listener_1,4,I love helping everyone no need to thank me. But whatever you chose good luck and i hope the best for you and him or you and who ever the next one that makes you happy is!,0.9821,positive,wishing 2490,depressed,hey guys,speaker,1,"just want to know why it’s fucking always me who has to make people happy why does no one care when i feel like shit, why does no one check on me. it’s always my problem i have to go out of my way to please others and i fucking hate it. Whenever i’m upset i always have to brush it off like it’s nothing and do damage control for other people when I say something honest. I feel like no one gives a shit about me and I have to be the person that makes other people feel wanted. How the fuck do I feel happy again.",-0.6997,negative,angry 2490,depressed,hey guys,listener_1,2,I don't know man all I can tell ya is as soon as you stop caring about other people it gets better at least that's what's worked for me but you can give it a shot if you want,0.4404,positive,neutral 2490,depressed,hey guys,speaker,3,it’s so stupid i feel like everyone else has at least one person to ask them if they’re ok. what’s so wrong with me that no one cares about what i do,-0.8709,negative,jealous 2490,depressed,hey guys,listener_2,4,"There's nothing wrong with you at all!!!! Some people are just selfish af and only use people when they can get something out of it, which would be someone to comfort them. They're stuck so far up their ass that they can't even repay a simple 'favor'. Are you okay? I'm definitely here if you need to rant.",0.3658,positive,agreeing 2490,depressed,hey guys,speaker,5,"thanks, and i agree people are selfish af. i stayed friends with someone when they admitted they lied about a family member having cancer because i understand the need for attention and affection. I bet if i did that they’d have a different reaction.",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2490,depressed,hey guys,listener_2,6,"WTF. people honestly think nothing of their wrongdoing, but all hell breaks loose when someone else does it. That's really genuine of you to do that, but I hope you don't waste time giving their lies attention.",-0.8891,negative,neutral 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,speaker,1,"I don't remember the last time I cried. 6 years ago, maybe? Well today this random Bojack Horseman video is in my recommended and it ached me. Why do I resonate so much with this? Why does it hurt me so much? Why do I feel this reaction inside me? This weird feeling of a reaction preparing to happen, being teased to happen, trying to happen but it just doesn't? You ever had something like this? This was a first time for me, anyway. And while I was thinking, pondering, rewatching the video a few times back to back, I noticed my facial muscles having ordered in this weird fashion and my eyes were so watery. But it wasn't until I asked myself why are you homding back? Why are you denying your overwhelming sadness? Why are you denying that you are depressed that I've went fullout crying right on like I haven't done in forever. It felt so good. I feel so much better now. That dam I built around my heart. Well, I finally broke it in and some heavy water flowed out. I think I'll start being a little more self-acceptant from now on. It helped me greatly.",-0.6034,negative,sad 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,listener_1,2,A good cry can be cathartic. I believe I am due for one too. Good for you for releasing that dam.,0.4019,positive,wishing 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,speaker,3,"Had a good night sleep and my body, especially in the chest region, feels so light now. I feel so liberated",0.4404,positive,content 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,speaker,4,https://youtu.be/hRIAt3-49UI,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,listener_1,5,Glad to hear it!,0.5093,positive,acknowledging 2491,depressed,I've denied my depression until now,speaker,6,And for you maybe try this video too. It helped me: https://youtu.be/hRIAt3-49UI,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2492,depressed,Another f#@king year,speaker,1,"Welp. Just got home. Pushing myself through pain and depression. When and if I wake I'll be another f..ing year older. I'm tired.... Tired of being down, tired of constantly in pain, tired of this whole s#@t show. Last year I lost my best friend of 23 years, he beat me to the glory death. Cancer took him. His birthday is on the 5th. It should have been me!!! All around me is falling apart. I could have posted this on ""dead bedroom"" because that was taken from me with this disease. As with other things like breathing normal, walking without pain, heart pumping. I'm only getting 40% ejection out of my heart. I guess I'm just getting worse. My only good things I have left is my wife of 22 years still loves me and stands at my back. The other is I have my suicide planed and it will work this time. 9mm hollow point. I at that point. The rusty wire that holds the cork that keeps the anger in, is about to break. I have been holding on for so long I have lost sight of why. I think I have a couple more things to do to set my wife up for after. It's getting hard to wake each day and put the mask of ""I'm ok"" on. I know I'm just rambling right now. Been up for 30+ hours. I'll keep who is interested updated on what my next step is. Thank y'all for reading and possibly understanding .",-0.9765,negative,sad 2492,depressed,Another f#@king year,listener_1,2,"Hey, you will be a year close to death. Congrats. Secondly, don't try to frame your wife. Shes the only one who's on your back and you are going to frame her? So first you are going to give her the pain of losing you, the exact same paint you got for losing your friend, but not only that you are gping to give her the pain of maling her think you did not love her and only used her for your own benefit. Imagine what she will be going through. She'll be rotting in jail for killing you and will be sobbing to her own death. You are going to ruin someone elses life to end your life. You gotta change that. Minimum requirement. If you go down, dont drag her or anyone else with you. If possible, change that whole plan and live. Live to see another day with your wife. Life to see the day you get children. Live to the day your children get older. Live to the day where you can help your children through the tough time you are going through or they are going through. Live to share the knowledge you have gained throughout your life. Live to share your experience with them. Live to become a grandfather.",-0.9655,negative,wishing 2492,depressed,Another f#@king year,listener_2,3,"I think he meant set her up, as in make sure she is taken care of afterwards.",0.6705,positive,neutral 2492,depressed,Another f#@king year,listener_1,4,"My bad then. Oops. But still, i said what i had to.",-0.3071,negative,ashamed 2493,depressed,Nothing is interesting I have no motivation to find something I enjoy because i know one day I won’t enjoy it and just quit,speaker,1,That’s it. Is this my life forever,0.0,neutral,faithful 2493,depressed,Nothing is interesting I have no motivation to find something I enjoy because i know one day I won’t enjoy it and just quit,listener_1,2,"I feel you. I used to have dreams and hopes for my future, some I thought I felt passionate about. I gave up on them so long ago that i don’t really remember what they were.",0.836,positive,disappointed 2493,depressed,Nothing is interesting I have no motivation to find something I enjoy because i know one day I won’t enjoy it and just quit,listener_2,3,I kinda just laugh at mine now. Must have been nice to have hope,0.8411,positive,acknowledging 2494,depressed,My own family doesn’t bat an eye,speaker,1,"Funny how the only day that I get home from work early, nobody’s home. Not my dad. Not my sister. Not even my aunt or my cousins (who don’t work that often). My birthday is this week and I was hoping that we could go somewhere today to celebrate but nobody’s home. My dad is probably to busy with his new girlfriend to even remember when my birthday is. I might as well drink alone like I was planning to do on my birthday.",0.8225,positive,lonely 2494,depressed,My own family doesn’t bat an eye,listener_1,2,Happy Birthday!. I hope you feel good on your birthday. Getting older helps you understand yourself and others more. Make sure to remind the people's close to you that its your birthday soon. They probably genuinely just forgot but if you tell them they will wish you a happy birthday.,0.9496,positive,wishing 2494,depressed,My own family doesn’t bat an eye,listener_2,3,"yeah! happy birthday man, alone or not. just enjoy it!",0.4322,positive,wishing 2494,depressed,My own family doesn’t bat an eye,listener_2,4,"and I'm sorry about your family situation, just remember that wounds heal.",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",speaker,1,"I'm scared, of death, of never being able to find love, have children, experience things. I'm only 14, and I want to die, really bad. well, kind of. heres the thing, I know I dont want to die. but my depression, anger, loneliness, emptiness, makes me feel like I want to die. I'm just scared to re a's check out, I've tried once already months ago, and my parents blew it off. since then though, my situation has gotten much worse, any help or advice would be appreciated",-0.9713,negative,afraid 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",listener_1,2,I'm sorry that you grew up in this incompassionate environment. It's clear that your family is making your suffering worse.,-0.5994,negative,sympathizing 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",speaker,3,"yeah. they provide my necessities, but when it comes to my feelings they are in denial and assume I'm always happy no matter what.",0.7607,positive,neutral 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",listener_1,4,If you told them then they aren't in denial rather they don't care enough about your emotions to help you. I'm sorry that you have to live with this but when you grow older you can decide whether or not these people are worth having in your life. Does this help at all?,0.7524,positive,questioning 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",speaker,5,"you simply caring helps, and yes, so does the advice. thanks.",0.8859999999999999,positive,agreeing 2495,depressed,"I'm empty, and need help.",speaker,6,"yeah that's what I think too. that maybe they dont understand, but when I told them they said that I was fine, so I simply just thought they were kind of denying it. also thanks for the number suggestions.",0.5515,positive,suggesting 2496,depressed,Full force depression today,speaker,1,"The past few weeks have been really busy at uni and I was barely coping but I made it through. However, I think I exerted so much energy that I just feel depleted now. I usually go to all of my lectures but today I slept in until like 11 and haven’t left my apartment. I did wash my face and ate breakfast but I only got half dressed and haven’t really moved much since. It’s the last week before recess so I will have some recharge time but I’m really not coping now. I feel super dead and don’t want to do anything. I’m angry at myself for this because I know when this shadow passes I’ll start noticing the impact it has had on my uni work. I don’t ever know how to get out of this.",0.1822,positive,ashamed 2496,depressed,Full force depression today,listener_1,2,8]n(kj JFK¹+,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2496,depressed,Full force depression today,speaker,3,"You don’t have to tell me, I’m on that",0.0,neutral,confident 2496,depressed,Full force depression today,speaker,4,Thank you for this x,0.3612,positive,wishing 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,speaker,1,"I’ve been having 1 week depression free. I thought it was finally over. I thought that I could finally rebuild my self esteem. Suddenly, yesterday it came back. Felt useless again. Felt like I’m unloveable. Felt like nobody gives a shit about me. Can’t sleep. Alcohol doesn’t work anymore. Not sure what to do. It was my girlfriend who gave me hope. But when we broke up (1 month ago), it confirms that I’m unloveable. But hey, what can I do. Just a 4/10 looking guy. Nobody’s gonna listen to me.",-0.6287,negative,devastated 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,listener_1,2,The only thing more unnatractive than a 4/10 guy is a guy who tells you he's unloveable.,0.0,neutral,jealous 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,speaker,3,I know that guy. He’s me 😂,0.4404,positive,agreeing 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,listener_1,4,Exactly. You can't change your appearance but you can stop calling yourself unnatractive.,-0.4215,negative,agreeing 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,speaker,5,No shit Sherlock. This is the exact reason why I don’t talk to other people. If I need compliment I’d go to r/ComplimentMePlease,0.7205,positive,annoyed 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,speaker,6,"I’ve got no problem in the day. I could focus on something else. But at night, when I’m about to sleep, nothing works...",0.1603,positive,sad 2497,depressed,Look who’s back? Hi depression!!!,listener_2,7,"I know it's hard, and easy to preach, but try some guided meditation and chill. Or smoke a fatty whatever works lol. You just got out of a relationship, it's natural to be sad but it's not the end. You're not unlovable The fact that you were in a relationship in the first place proves that. Keep doing whatever makes you happy, hope this helps or hit me up on chat, I might be late but I'll get back to you lol",0.9765,positive,consoling 2498,depressed,It took me 3 days to write this,speaker,1, The mind is a battlefield between words and visions where our screams are silenced by cuts on our wrists and we bleed out our pain through ink on burned notebooks.,-0.8126,negative,devastated 2498,depressed,It took me 3 days to write this,listener_1,2,Poetic,0.0,neutral,proud 2498,depressed,It took me 3 days to write this,speaker,3,Thanks... last few days have been hard to express,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 2499,depressed,🤷,speaker,1,As a 9 year old I was massively depressed and tried to kill my self in the subsequent year to come. I was heavily bullied and degraded by family. Suffered sexual abuse when I was 4-9 years and raped at 15. My mother was abusive and beat me up for small things and so did my step dad. My boyfriend at 17 was also quite abusive and I ended the relationship when I was 23. For the longest time I've felt older than my age. I'm 27 now and married. Moved out of my mother's home and finishing my degree. I still feel really depressed at times and feel like I'm a 50 year old. I don't find joy and happiness in anything and I feel so alone even when I have a circle of great friends. I guess I wanna know is when should I really off myself. Should I give it one more year or just end the suffering. Things never seem to get better and I constantly feel like I'm in the back seat just watching my robotic body do things and interact.,-0.9852,negative,ashamed 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_1,2,"The suffering wont end cause the experiences you had wont go away. Unless you forgive and forget. I dont think that i going to happen, so you are going to have to live with those. Offing yourself is not a viable option for you at this moment because of your husband. If you leave him then you are potentially doing the same thing others did to you, then you are no better than those people. To prove that you are and can be better than this, live. Live for your husband. Live for your children. Live to see their future. Live to help them in their problems.",-0.383,negative,neutral 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_2,3,">then you are no better than those people Woah, this comment is absolutely not acceptable. Do not, under any circumstance, compare committing suicide with physical and sexual abuse on how it affects others. Also, you do not ""forgive and forget"" rape and abuse. This is *horrible* advice. OP, seek counseling to learn coping mechanism to deal with past trauma, possible present PTSD, as well as lingering depression.",-0.9848,negative,agreeing 2499,depressed,🤷,speaker,4,I don't think my husband would mind too much. He already said that I take advantage of his good nature.,0.5994,positive,trusting 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_3,5,Agreed but I don't think her wanting to end her pain is equivocal to those who have wronged and left her,-0.8294,negative,neutral 2499,depressed,🤷,speaker,6,I did receive therapy and meds. The therapist said I'm fine now so we stopped the sessions. I can't talk to people I know about this. I don't feel okay letting them know,-0.2604,negative,trusting 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_1,7,He might be saying that in a joking sense.,0.2263,positive,surprised 2499,depressed,🤷,speaker,8,"It was after a fight, I realized that I'm not important and I suck truly. I have tried hard to be good and nice but unknowingly I turned into my biological father and my mother",0.1416,positive,ashamed 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_2,9,"Therapists dont say ""you're cured, go home."" First, you clearly aren't. Second, there is no time limit on therapy. *You* decide when you are done. It's possible you don't need meds anymore, but talk therapy can go on for years and clearly if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, you aren't ""fine now.""",-0.8417,negative,agreeing 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_1,10,Understood. Comment removed.,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 2499,depressed,🤷,speaker,11,She said I was fine and that I could function without therapy now. Like these suicidal thoughts never go away and that fucking sucks. I thought I'd be okay one day. And that I'll be happy. I'll know how it feels like to be human. But it's constantly this. Thank you for helping me btw,0.7477,positive,hopeful 2499,depressed,🤷,listener_2,12,"Function and enjoying life are two different things. It does seem like you are functioning. The latter, not so much. If you were happy with this therapist, you should continue your appointments. Otherwise find someone new. You may also still need medication if you aren't feeling ""human"" (I do understand what you mean by that). You went through quite a bit of trauma when you were young. It's still affecting you, a weight on your shoulders that is exhausting to bear. Therapy is what can help slowly lift that burden. The trauma happened over years, the healing will take just as long if not longer. But the less weight on your shoulders, the easier it will be to hold your head up and enjoy the sun.",0.8578,positive,trusting 2500,depressed,Will i ever find peace?,speaker,1,"So hey redditors, I have been in this situation years ago and I'm now in it again. So I start at, lets say in the 10th grade(i was 16 at the moment). I left my school with my education certificate, but i wanted a better one, so i signed me up for job school, where I can select wich job I want to learn about in one year. I selected electronics, so good for know. But in the middle of going to school, making homework and other shit i lay in my bed and think about future. ""Will i ever get a drivers license? Will i ever get a good job? Will i ever find a person to love? Or do i even achieve behave like a normal person?"" These questions had my head for the other half the year when I was in this school. I even don't trust myself right or even others. I feel misused from everyone, even from my own family even if they didn't anything to me. We are in the future i am 18 now, have my driver's license got an apprenticeship as electrician in a good company. Loan is ok and the coworkers are nice, even sometimes I something wrong, they don't shit everything on me... Surely I developed as a person myself and achieved some goals and wasn't even so bad, that i got telles by friends or family. Myself I see that I could have been better. Like let's say in a test i got 97/100 but I'm totally unpleasant about it. People say to me i should see things more positive everyone says this. But i don't why should, should I smile at my own doom??? ""Will I ever pass the test to complete my apprenticeship? Will I ever find a decent job? Will i ever have real friends and don't have to stay at home to not feel lonley?? Will I have to be alone, till my death??? Will I ever be happy and can say:"" I am ready.""?"" These questions are know in my head, don't let me sleep or feel happy. Only filled my head with mistrust, slefhate and even surpressed anger pressure. My anger pressures more and more and I don't know who will be the unlucky person who will beaten up or I don't know what I will be capable off. What do you say? Will I ever be happy? Or do I have to shoot myself then I'm 30 and achieved shit???...",0.9794,positive,apprehensive 2500,depressed,Will i ever find peace?,listener_1,2,What does peace entail for you?,0.5423,positive,questioning 2500,depressed,Will i ever find peace?,speaker,3,"Achieving my goals, accepting myself, having self respect, don't attracting anger with other people, having someone i can love,care and defend and even more things that can bring my personal peace.",0.8639,positive,faithful 2501,depressed,"I'm keeping up the positivity posts, hopefully it'll inspire others, no idea",speaker,1,"Not gonna lie I've been feeling like shit for a month-ish, I said I was going to keep a running posts of achievements but I only really did anything worth mentioning today. A few days ago I broke my unicycle, the pedal cross-threaded and messed the crank right up. Ordered a new one and missed the delivery coz I was in bed all day today. Ugh I hate myself. Anyways I went to the park (it's my place to go, nice, peaceful, lots of friendly dogs and people) with some LED juggling balls I got as a birthday gift. I thought it'd be fun to go on the swings in the park with the colours in the ball changing (they have a strobe function that cycles about 8 colours) in each of my pockets. I'm swinging and having fun then realize about 4 people with dogs are just watching me, one of them filmed it and showed me after. It looked awesome. Especially when I started juggling while swinging, the strobe really puts on a show. Then a couple my age that I knew from previously playing around with (cartwheels, teaching juggling, guitar etc) recognized me and joined me on the swings. We played a kinda football with the LED balls, then figured out how to pass in a circle, we all got tired pretty quick! But it was really fun and I enjoy going there, I think I'll just force myself to be in the park rather than sitting alone at home, I can do all the same things, so why not just hang out there instead! (also it's like 1-2 mins away) So I guess my conclusion is the same as most times, I need to do things that make me happy. I have lists, alarms, stuff I'm supposed to do daily but I keep forgetting it, it's like my brain isn't in the right state to access that lightning-rod thought that helps a lot. Although about a month ago I was talked to by family members about that I'm not doing ""enough"" to get out of my bad place, like I don't know that. It got me down so I thought ""fuck it let's just do nothing"" all sulky in bed all day every day, even went back to suicidal thoughts. But I can also argue a point (in my head) that even experiencing mental suffering is better than nothing ever, I can always find the tiny things that make me happy. Also I have my own opinion and my family isn't close enough to know my situations, so kinda fuck them but I get that they're just not informed enough to make any of my choices for me, I'll do what I do. Crazy stuff in the park. I'm done for now! Hope this helps someone.",0.9862,positive,ashamed 2501,depressed,"I'm keeping up the positivity posts, hopefully it'll inspire others, no idea",listener_1,2,"Good for you for getting out of the house. If you are happy with the progress you are making knowing you are putting in all the effort you can, then ignore what others say. Do what's best for you.",0.9022,positive,proud 2501,depressed,"I'm keeping up the positivity posts, hopefully it'll inspire others, no idea",speaker,3,"That's exactly it! I'm all happy then I get a phonecall from someone who knows nothing about my daily life saying I'm not doing anything, I'll take your advice and do what I like doing (as long as it doesn't negatively affect others I guess) Cheers!",0.8715,positive,excited 2502,depressed,It feels like I can’t be depressed when someone else is.,speaker,1,"In my old friends group. I would always try to be supportive even when all I wanted to do was die. Nobody ever reciprocated that support. There where plenty of times when it would be obvious that I was depressed too but they never asked me how I was doing. I just had to suck it up and help them get better. One friend told me that I could message her if I ever needed support. I took her up on that once and she asked me if I realized that I just woke her up over something petty. That “petty” thing? I felt even more suicidal then usual and it scared me so much. I wanted support and instead got told to find a “better” time. When *is* there a better time to be depressed? A different friend was (still is?) a cutter too and he would constantly tell me that I was just emo because I didn’t cut as good as he did. I ditched my old group (that’s another story) and now have a new friend. She’s a wonderful friend but the level of support feels completely one sided sometimes. She’s only supportive when she’s happy. When I was depressed before, she was happy and helped me through it. Now I’m depressed and so is she but instead of trying to take this time to help each other, she hasn’t offered supportive or tried to open up to me because “there’s no point.” I try to help her too but I’m just so tired of this. Both the lack of mutual support and of my own depression. She’s cut recently but says its no one’s business because she’s fine and she wanted to do it so there’s nothing to talk about. When I cut, she dug into me until I talked about it even though I felt the same way. I feel its so unfair that I have to be the happy friend just to avoid this. Maybe if I was the happy friend, I could actually help my friends. Maybe, I would have mutual support too since I wouldn’t need help all the time.",0.9938,positive,trusting 2502,depressed,It feels like I can’t be depressed when someone else is.,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way you do, the feeling that you are just a machine that gives out support just to be cast away until the next time you are needed. It feels like you are being manipulated for your ability to give everything to supoort people who struggle. You arent alone in this feeling brother, and if you ever figure out a way to get past this let me know. lets hope we can heal.",0.8042,positive,consoling 2502,depressed,It feels like I can’t be depressed when someone else is.,speaker,3,"I feel less manipulated and more used. I do most of the talking, handing out most of the support and then I get cast away like a toy when I need a break or help as if I’m a burden.",0.4509,positive,guilty 2502,depressed,It feels like I can’t be depressed when someone else is.,speaker,4,I could try but I wouldn’t know how to approach her about it.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2502,depressed,It feels like I can’t be depressed when someone else is.,listener_2,5,"I absolutely hate having discussions like this, so I feel you. Ultimately it sounds like what you want is for the friendship to be more even support-wise. She can’t improve that if you don’t talk to her. She might not know, or think you’re stronger and can handle it more? You can’t know if she’s clueless or intentional unless you have that conversation. If it were me, I’d try to say something like this: “Hey *Friend*, I’d like to talk to you about something. I love you & you mean a lot to me. I’m glad that I’m able to support you when things are rough. I feel that I don’t always get that same support from you when I’m struggling, and I could really use use it. Is that something we can work on?” It helps to think about what you want from the conversation. Do you want an apology or just a little more effort and support? You can’t control her response, but at least it will tell you something. If she’s angry & defensive and insists everything is fine as-is, she’s probably not going to change, she doesn’t see anything wrong with how she’s operating. If she wants to try & do better, talk about what that looks like to you. What exactly do you need from her in your low moments and what can she reasonably do?",0.9108,positive,agreeing 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,speaker,1,I am so sad it physically hurts. I don’t want to be here and I want the pain to go away. It always comes back.,-0.8687,negative,sad 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,listener_1,2,"I'm too, and yeah it is never go away All i can do is just ignore the pain and live with it",-0.5574,negative,agreeing 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,speaker,3,I love you. thank you,0.7717,positive,wishing 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,listener_2,4,"That is no problem at all. I am currently having issues because I feel like my parents are emotionally abusive. If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to message me on reddit.",0.4325,positive,trusting 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,listener_3,5,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 2503,depressed,My heart is in pain,speaker,6,"Thank you, same goes for you! School is super stressful man :( and it sucks to go from that to a house that brings you down more, i’m sorry.",-0.4889,negative,sympathizing 2504,depressed,just need to write.,speaker,1,"my dad died out of nowhere about 4 years ago. I was 18 at the time. I never got to connect with him as an adult, and in a lot of ways I feel like I've not understood how to grow into an adult without him. This majorly basing around the fact, that I was always told growing up that I would be in his line of work as a longshoreman (working on the ports with boats n shit.) He died a year before I was accepted in. I was told my whole life he would be there, on the docks, with me. It was the only thing that I knew would give me the courage to do it. That being said, even with the fact it is a very high paying job, my anxiety thats developed by tackling this job in the wake of losing my dad has been absolutely crippling. I havent worked since April. I keep just getting to the point where I HAVE to make money or I wont be able to afford my rent, car, phone etc. Its been years of this now. Ive never managed to even go for more than 3 days in a week. Even though he gave me this amazing chance to have a great job, I feel like without him being there, something in me gave up. I dont know how to do this without him. I dont know how to believe that I can do this without him. I dont want it to be push comes to shove with myself. I want to get over it. I just cant. Ive been awake for 5 hours staring at the ceiling feeling like a complete failure to everyone around me. Sometimes my mom tells me to just quit and do something else, but thats essentially throwing my potential life away for just-getting-by. I could never get a better job. I never finished school. I only ever worked as a line cook. I feel like im constantly running away but staying stuck in place. im so tired. i miss you so much. i need something to change. i dont want to always feel so much guilt for not being able to do this without you. i feel so alone",-0.9253,negative,devastated 2504,depressed,just need to write.,listener_1,2,My dad died when I was 16 and my sister was 18. I know exactly what you mean about not knowing him as an adult. But he knew you. He knows you are a great person. And now you know him as adult. He's not gone. You can still talk to him and he's watching over you. The last thing he would want is for the cause of your bad emotions to be him. He would want his son to be happy. Its no wonder tho that you feel the way you do with what you have been through. Give yourself a break. You have had a set back at a young age. It will take you a little longer than others just. I hope you feel good soon.,0.9091,positive,agreeing 2504,depressed,just need to write.,speaker,3,thank you. <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,1,"I used to have it all. Family, friends, and everything. After a breakup I started serious self harming and there are scars all over my skin. All my friends left me after that and my family started to get mad at me. I ended up quitting, but recently I have a panic attack and I accidentally took too many panic attack medicines because I was so scared. I ended up throwing up on my bed and now my parents have permanently taken my phone away. I'm 17. I should have a life of being a chemical engineer to look forward to, but I don't. All I have now is my parents screaming at me with no friends and an urge to die. Not to mention I also got back into the habit of self harming recently. If you are reading this please tell me something I need to hear.",-0.992,negative,ashamed 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear that. You're young, don't waste the greatness in you. You have a lot of potential.",0.2575,positive,sympathizing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,3,Thank you so much. That is really encouraging. I love you.,0.8923,positive,wishing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,4,"I would love to talk to a counselor about this, but I don't see her that often and my parents would accuse me of ""telling on them"" if I told the school counselor. Thank you for responding though. I love you.",0.8873,positive,grateful 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,5,Thank you for the response. The breakup isn't what is bothering me right now. It's the fact I feel like a loser and don't have a support group right now.,0.1346,positive,grateful 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,6,Thank you for the response. I appreciate it. I love you.,0.8555,positive,wishing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,7,Thank you for this awesome comment. This really touched me. I feel like my parents are against me right now. They said I was gonna be a drug addict when I grow up. I really want a future but day to day life right now is almost unbearable. Thank you though this message really touched me. I love you.,0.9368,positive,grateful 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,listener_2,8,"Hey, don’t worry about anything, at the moment you’re in a really shitty situation but no matter what you do you’ll eventually make it out of it, at that point, call CPS at school, your parents are emotionally abusive and that shits not right. I love you too bro, do your best to stay above the water.",-0.9218,negative,agreeing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,listener_1,9,I love you more. :),0.8173,positive,wishing 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,speaker,10,"Idk if it qualifies as emotionally abusive however... if I call CPS idk where I would go if they took me away from my parents, but it may just qualify as discipline and they may do nothing anyways. I dont know if it is worth it to call... I just don't know how I will get through this situation. Thanks for the suggestion though. I really appreciate you taking the time to post this. Just curious, what would you do to cope with the situation until either my parents calm down or until I get to move out?",0.92,positive,questioning 2505,depressed,I WANT TO DIE,listener_3,11,"Talk to your parents about it all, and if not, seek help from people who are trained in helping. Your parents sound really...not good hahaha im so sorry you're dealing with that. I totally understand. I keep wanting that future too but day to day is so hard. I get it. Luckily, it does go quick. I feel like i just got out of high school, but i graduated 10 years ago. It's crazy how quick it went. I really think focusing on your goals and career stuff will help you out. Time will pass faster, and you'll be distracted by your goals. And achieving them will boost your mood. I hope your parents really listen when you talk to them. Make sure they know how youre feeling. You are not alone in this. ♡",0.9558,positive,sympathizing 2506,depressed,"Not doing well, any advice?",speaker,1,"I’m not doing good right now, because I like this girl, a lot, and she stopped responding as much when I told her I liked her, it hurts because we’re almost the same person at times, and I’m just worried she won’t admit that I fucked everything up, I don’t know why, i should probably just trust that she’s just busy because it’s only been a day, but I was stuck in a toxic relationship with a girl and when I broke up as respectfully as I could and we both agreed to be friends, she posted on her insta story a paragraph about how horrible I was to her even tho I treated her like an angel even when she insulted me, for example we went to a football game and I went off for a second a few times to talk it people who were in the band who I knew or just someone I knew in general, she said it was weird and then said to her friends that they’re probably annoyed with me by now, not to mention she kissed another guy and told me that she’s lost feelings and gained then for someone else in the past and then regained them for me before she broke up, as it went on she got worse and worse, she would blow up every thing I did into a catastrophic loss to her while i treated the horrid things she said about me with nothing but “it’s ok” after an apology. Here’s the paragraph about how much of a shithead I am and so on.",-0.986,negative,apprehensive 2506,depressed,"Not doing well, any advice?",listener_1,2,So do you want advice on your current crush or how to deal with your ex? I can do both,-0.0094,neutral,questioning 2506,depressed,"Not doing well, any advice?",speaker,3,"I’m think I’m good on the current crush, I talked to her, and you won’t believe this, I smiled so hard I cried, like a literal tear came out of my eye ball, so I’m like bruh, and the ex I’m also good, I really just am glad I got it out, I think I just needed to write it. Thanks for asking though, I really love posting what’s bothering me sometimes just because it tells me people care, this is my alt that’s why I don’t have more posts.",0.9662,positive,confident 2506,depressed,"Not doing well, any advice?",listener_1,4,Fair enough my friend I hope everything works out for you then and I wish you the best of luck finding what your searching for,0.9538,positive,consoling 2506,depressed,"Not doing well, any advice?",speaker,5,"Best of luck to you as well, however, I think I found it",0.8519,positive,wishing 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,speaker,1,I can't keep up with school I can't even keep up with my mental health. My physical body is breaking down. I feel nothing but pain and just being held down by a extreme weight. I'm always tired and hurting. Im young but feel like I'm at my 50 or 60s. I need help with everything. I need rest but I just can't stop I can't get a break. I want to give up so bad but I have people to take care of. I need some thing to get better. Phsicaly im tired mentally I'm tired.,-0.2621,negative,sad 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,listener_1,2,"What can you see yourself doing if you didn't have this depression ? What are you good at. What do you want to do in the future. Who do you see yourself loving. Who do you see yourself helping. That's the real you. Not what you are feeling right now. Your thoughts, emotions or hormones are lying to you.",0.2558,positive,jealous 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,speaker,3,If I didn't have depression I can see myself actually having fun with friends. I already love someone however they lied to me so I'm trying to step back and move on. Tbh im only worried about my physical body right now ( I can barely move anything with out hurting),0.7963,positive,hopeful 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,listener_2,4,Me too dude. Good job sticking around through all of this!,0.4926,positive,agreeing 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,speaker,5,Yea still here and still trying keep my shit together,-0.5574,negative,faithful 2507,depressed,Mental state is falling apart and my physical body is breaking down,listener_1,6,I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you feel better soon.,0.6705,positive,sympathizing 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,speaker,1,"I wish the people who care about me never met me. I can’t do anything right. I’m selfish and they deserve better. No good person should come in contact with someone like me. I don’t care about anything, not even myself. These people do though and they shouldn’t be put in a predicament where they might lose someone they care so much about b/c she doesn’t care about herself.",0.9135,positive,jealous 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_1,2,Amen. Same here. Sending hugs.,0.4939,positive,wishing 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,speaker,3,Everyone in my life deserves someone better in my my opinion. They don’t even understand the type of mayhem I bring and how much better off they’d be if I would’ve needed things a long time ago.,0.7003,positive,furious 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_1,4,"Preach bro, preach.",0.0,neutral,faithful 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,speaker,5,"You worded that beautifully. I honestly feel the exact same way, down to the finding love part. I just lost the love of my life because I’m a destructive person and I don’t know how to keep anything good.",0.9136,positive,agreeing 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_1,6,Me too. And I'm fat and can't lose weight to save said relationship. 😢,0.3309,positive,agreeing 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_2,7,"Thanks. I know I said I don’t care about anything, but something inside me is somehow feeling sad for your loss. Sounds like someone died, but I suppose when you lost him/her, it killed you inside. I know this feeling all too well and still, for some reason I’m still trying to find love. Idk why I just don’t give up completely. I mean, even my family is trying to disown me now so I don’t really have anything to lose or anyone to fail.",-0.9498,negative,sentimental 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,speaker,8,"It’s not untrue if the proof is constantly in front of you. Just b/c people love me, doesn’t mean that I should be in their lives",0.6369,positive,agreeing 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_3,9,"Well then you're not familiar with or rejecting the very premise that depression impacts your judgment and perception (not unlike alcohol) and so you're not actually seeing what you think you are seeing. If you can't or don't want to believe that, I'm not sure how to convince you, but it's entirely true",0.3201,positive,neutral 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,listener_2,10,The words emiting from a broken heart is a product of the words that shattered it.,-0.25,negative,sad 2508,depressed,I’m a toxic human being.,speaker,11,"They didn’t die, but I hurt them to the point that they wanted to. And I know that feeling as well. Being disowned by your family is tough. It’s your family. If you wanna talk or anything, my messages are open love. I’ve had a talk with myself & the few people who do care about me regardless of how selfish I am & it really opened my eyes. I’d love to be that for you if I could. Someone cares❤️",0.9239,positive,grateful 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,1,"I’m a 18 year old male, dropped out of school, I feel like I’ll never accomplish anything in my life. I’ve been depressed for approximately 3 years now. Everything I does is good enough, I’ve lost almost all my friends, lost some family, been suicidal multiple times, and I can’t talk to my family about it, cuz I don’t wanna hurt em’ This is like my first time telling anyone, I just feel lost",-0.8656,negative,sad 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_1,2,"It's harder for us guys. I can't say anything about your family, but it helped me to finally tell them. I'm not saying they really understand, but it helped me. Get meds. I tried to be tough way to long. I eventually started meds and i can tell you, it's why I'm alive. It's not just you though. There are allot of us out there.",0.3919,positive,neutral 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,3,"I appreciate it a lot, but I don’t really know how to tell my mum, or if she’s even gonna believe me or be like “iTs PrObAbLy JuSt A pHaSe” I’ve only talked to one about it I think, and that was my ex that left me this year:-/",0.6249,positive,apprehensive 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_1,4,"Yah i lost someone i really loved cause of my depression. That didn't help. Lol. It is harder when your young. It's more about not feeling you have to hide it, than it is them understanding. I sent my parents an email about it first. You could try that.",-0.7738,negative,lonely 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,5,"I still live at home till I enlist in the military to February, so would be weird to mail my mom when she’s downstairs, but I know what you mean. But I think I’ll try to talk with a really close friend first tho",0.6411,positive,apprehensive 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,6,"Thx mate, I appreciate the advice 🖤",0.8555,positive,wishing 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_1,7,Good idea.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,8,"That was amazing mate, I’m thinking about talking to my best friend about it in the weekend, I really appreciate the answer🖤",0.9606,positive,grateful 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_2,9,:) Give us an update afterwards,0.4588,positive,encouraging 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,10,"One of my good friends is picking me up later, and I’m thinking about telling him. Cuz he’s a good friend, but thanks a lot for the advice, appreciate it mate🖤",0.965,positive,apprehensive 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,11,"Didn’t go that well, my friend was drunk so he was just being a fuckhead, and my grandma has been hospitalized for some kidney failure.. so my weekend was basically shit",-0.8442,negative,devastated 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_2,12,"Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, I hope your grandma is feeling better now. How did you friend react though? Did he seem like he could help you once he’s sobered up?",0.9295,positive,sympathizing 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,13,She barely can’t speak tho.. My friend didn’t seem to care at all..,0.7506,positive,jealous 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,listener_2,14,I am very sorry to hear that... How are you feeling?,-0.024,neutral,sympathizing 2509,depressed,Idk wtd,speaker,15,"Haven’t been on for a while. I’ve been dating a girl for a while now, and today she told me she slept with some random dude yesterday🤦🏽‍♂️",0.0,neutral,devastated 2510,depressed,People saying what are you depressed about? You have everything.,speaker,1,"I have never told anyone this, and here I can anonymously. My dad left me, my twin sister died when I was born, only left with my mom who drinks, smokes, verbally abuses me and sometimes physical abuse. And people ask me why I am depressed.",-0.9403,negative,trusting 2510,depressed,People saying what are you depressed about? You have everything.,listener_1,2,"Hey, I know life can be a bit overwhelming and if you want to keep anonymous but need someone to talk to I’m right here!",0.1134,positive,agreeing 2510,depressed,People saying what are you depressed about? You have everything.,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, I would reach you whenever I can♥️♥️",0.9001,positive,wishing 2510,depressed,People saying what are you depressed about? You have everything.,speaker,4,"Thanks for the concern, I would reach out if needed♥️♥️",0.9081,positive,sympathizing 2510,depressed,People saying what are you depressed about? You have everything.,speaker,5,":) I really appreciate the effort, I would reach out if needed♥️♥️♥️",0.9623,positive,grateful 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,1,Any one feel like they dont care anymore,-0.033,neutral,sad 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_3,2,"Yeah, I'm a total nihilist who thinks this thought regularly. One of the few things that keeps me going is the lack of alternatives.",-0.0258,neutral,sad 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,3,Ya same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,4,True,0.4215,positive,faithful 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_4,5,"I used to think everything happened for a reason, that there was a hidden lesson in everything. Now, I feel like a puzzle piece from a completely irrelevant puzzle that’s missing every other piece, mixed in a box filled with nothing but single pieces of entirely separate puzzles. Nothing fits, nothing will ever fit. But at least some pieces once belonged to something beautiful. The rest of us will inevitably become even more lost and forgotten. Maybe one day our meatwagons will turn into fuel for dinosaurs cars millions of years from now... Maybe our final form is too spectacular for us to even begin to fathom... Maybe we won’t figure it out until we figure out that we were never meant to figure it out? 🤷🏼‍♀️ #latenightthinking #sad",-0.7543,negative,devastated 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,6,Idk my IQ I'm a middle school drop out,-0.3612,negative,surprised 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,7,Na you dont want that,-0.0572,negative,acknowledging 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_5,8,Nope. A night of racing sounds fun. Just way in my head tonight,0.5106,positive,apprehensive 2510,depressed,Fuck life,listener_2,9,Yep,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2511,depressed,Can’t Sleep Because this is on my Mind,speaker,1,"I can’t sleep because I feel so alone, so left out. I’m a freshman in college, and I see so many couples, so many different people, and just so much wasted potential. During the day I can rise above the squalor of our humanity, but at night time, I sometimes wish I was more human. I want an equal to love and be loved by. I have everything I could need, but this hole inside me burns. Its edges extend with every moment, and I can feel my soul peeling and flaking off my bones. It’s like no one sees it. I’m so free and happy, and people stare, but they don’t see me for what I am. They see a person that’s not a pawn but also not someone they’d reach out to. I’m outcasted, and left alone. I don’t always want to be alone though. People see me as different, and they think I’m creepy if I try to talk to them. I just have no fear. I just am happy because I am. They think I’m up to something; I’m not here to do anything but be friendly. They avoid me. I just want a woman in my life that doesn’t see me as a brother. That’s good in its own respects but I want an equal in both mind and sexual desire. I don’t want any puppy love or love that’s lasts as long as she’s working things out with her ex. I want the stories I hear on this internet (two people started talking and they instantly connect or an introvert, me, gets “adopted” by an extrovert and it just works). I don’t request a miracle, and I hate to complain about this when I’d rather keep this to myself, but this is too much for me right now. I can’t sleep it off; I can’t ignore it. I just want love like I know it can be and not feel like the good life I have is sometimes a curse.",0.9965,positive,lonely 2511,depressed,Can’t Sleep Because this is on my Mind,listener_1,2,"I'll talk to you. I feel the same way, tbh. I believe there's someone out there for everyone",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2511,depressed,Can’t Sleep Because this is on my Mind,speaker,3,"Feel free to dm, then. I don’t mind a good chat :)",0.8481,positive,questioning 2511,depressed,Can’t Sleep Because this is on my Mind,listener_2,4,"You'll find them, just be patient.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2511,depressed,Can’t Sleep Because this is on my Mind,speaker,5,"Thanks. I try to stay patient but waiting eventually makes you lose hope. This, though, will help me keep going.",0.7003,positive,faithful 2511,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_3,1,"I'm sorrounded by people who act that they love me and who act like they even care about me. I don't know how to communicate with them anymore cause all I do is overthink. everyday, everytime, everysecond. I just have no one to open up to. I feel like I'm talking to myself which is far better than talking to people who act like they care or love me. Everytime I hear a word that comes out of their mouths, it feels like my heart is being stabbed over and over. I really should end myself, I'm just a fucking disgrace, worthless fuck who doesn't know shit. what should I do? gon delete this post later",0.9601,positive,lonely 2511,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_4,2,"I over think a lot too. It’s maddening at times. If you don’t have anyone you can open up to, try keeping a journal. Or record a private audio journal if you have the privacy to talk freely somewhere. Things will turn around for you. Stick it out a little longer.",-0.0772,negative,apprehensive 2511,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_3,3,yeah I know I do have a journal and still I feel the same way. it's just different without someone listening.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,speaker,1,My bestfriend just messaged me and told me she doesn't want me around anymore she was one of the only people that helped me through anything in my life I just lost her she is like a sister to me idk what to do anymore might as well just end it,0.1724,positive,sad 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,listener_1,2,"Might as well just don't end it. I know it sounds stupid. But this stupid thing is why I'm still alive. Let's say if you stay alive it's 50/50 that you're going to enjoy what life throws at you. Well, gotta stay and find out..",0.8176,positive,apprehensive 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,speaker,3,Well try,0.2732,positive,acknowledging 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,speaker,4,Ok I will,0.29600000000000004,positive,confident 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,speaker,5,We can be friends,0.4767,positive,hopeful 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,listener_2,6,Why not add me on Discord RealSn9ke#3717,-0.4019,negative,angry 2512,depressed,Starting to lose all will to live,speaker,7,It didn't work,0.0,neutral,devastated 2513,depressed,When I rage i punch myself..,speaker,1,Mostly when I think about thinks I start to punch my self on the lap or arm. Has somebody any advice? It starts when i rage out When I regret smth When I think of my crush Any advices?,-0.8105,negative,sad 2513,depressed,When I rage i punch myself..,listener_1,2,Who taught you that ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2513,depressed,When I rage i punch myself..,speaker,3,"Nobody, it just started, I am a peaceful person, but don't know why it started...",0.2732,positive,neutral 2513,depressed,When I rage i punch myself..,listener_1,4,"Hmm..interesting. I'm sure you know it's a sign that you hate yourself, why is that ? Part of it is definitely the inability to change which is why you're depressed, but the other part has to be part of deeper programming.",-0.431,negative,questioning 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,speaker,1,If you have nobody like me you can kill yourself at any point in time and nobody cares,-0.0516,negative,lonely 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_1,2,I don't want you to die,-0.6276,negative,afraid 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,speaker,3,Why,0.0,neutral,questioning 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_1,4,Because there is no reason for it.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_2,5,This is why I like this sub everyone is supportive,0.5719,positive,trusting 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,speaker,6,No family no love and no heart,-0.7934,negative,lonely 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_3,7,You can always find friends it's impossible that you can't,0.4767,positive,consoling 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_4,8,I never said that it’s impossible or that I didn’t have friends lol,0.7096,positive,neutral 2514,depressed,Want to know a good thing,listener_3,9,Oh ok..... Have a good life mah man :D,0.7865,positive,consoling 2515,depressed,I'm in a very bad place in life right now,speaker,1,"I'm deciding what job I should study for, and my parents want me to be a doctor forcing/keep talking me and I into it and they're not accepting me wanting to be a Programmer. I'm in a very bad place in life right now. I trying to be more social with other people online using Apps and Sites like Discord and Twitch but I still feel depressed and not knowing what I should do so I decided to just post this here maybe can get any help/advice.",-0.812,negative,apprehensive 2515,depressed,I'm in a very bad place in life right now,listener_1,2,Get some real friends than fake unknown safe zone friends,0.7184,positive,trusting 2515,depressed,I'm in a very bad place in life right now,speaker,3,They're my parents I cant replace them...,0.0,neutral,sentimental 2515,depressed,I'm in a very bad place in life right now,listener_1,4,I am telling about online friends who are not real like me,0.2477,positive,ashamed 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,speaker,1,"No one cares. I mean, why would people care about me? I care about other people besides myself because I don't believe I deserve the love from people. I don't even understand love. I told my mom I might have depression (+ anxiety) and she said it was because of all the pressure I'm forcing on myself, and that I should solve it on my own rather than seeing a therapist. I have cut myself many times. I would cry in my room, and one time, I forgot to close the door. When my mom saw me crying on my own, she just closed the door and left. Sometimes, she would exaggerate things like ""we're going bankrupt"" when we're not, and I would always be bothered by her words. One time, I pulled the muscles on my back to my neck and my neck literally couldn't move. It was very devastating as I was planning to finish my school work around that time. It was hurting so badly, to the point where it hurts when I sleep or swallow stuff. Yet, my 'family' told me it was just due to a bad sleeping posture, that it would get better soon and I do NOT need to see a doctor. Ignoring their words, I went to see a physiotherapist and things were much more serious than I had thought. I also had to pay for my own medical bills . School just started and all the pressure from school started pouring in again. I had insomnia on the third day of school, I tried to wear myself out by going to gym right after school and little did I know I was actually making things worse. I did feel slightly better psychologically, but my body was so tired. I still couldn't sleep well. My only cure is coffee. When I drink it, I feel refreshed and motivated. But after all the caffeine is gone, I start to feel bad again. My body (I don't know why) has started shaking ever since the first/second day of school. My hands, legs, everything. Even my body is giving up on me. I have been working out at a gym and ever since then I have stopped cutting myself. I have also met new friends who are wonderful people. But they're not enough. I am grateful for what I have received, but it's still not enough. Thank you everyone for reading this. Stay strong.",-0.8911,negative,ashamed 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,listener_1,2,If you are at school in the US then you can see a school therapist for free (covered by your tuition),0.5106,positive,trusting 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,speaker,3,"Unfortunately I’m not in the US. But wow, it sounds nice :/",0.7269,positive,acknowledging 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,listener_2,4,I know this sounds super suuuuuuuper dumb but watch pewdiepie minecraft let's play you will feel better,0.8047,positive,neutral 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,speaker,5,Thanks bro,0.4404,positive,wishing 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,listener_3,6,bro 😎💪,0.4588,positive,impressed 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,speaker,7,Thanks dude. I will :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,speaker,8,"Nah, it's not dumb. I do watch his videos from time to time, but I've never watched his minecraft let's play series. Gonna watch it now",0.5791,positive,neutral 2516,depressed,I just want to die and see their faces when they realize I was being serious the whole time,listener_2,9,Its soooooo gud,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2517,depressed,"I feel like everyone hates me, no one ever tries to spend time with me. I want to take pills.",speaker,1,Everytime I try to make the effort to talk to people they can't be bothered or will suddenly stop speaking to me for no reason. I spend every day alone on reddit I just want to take pills,-0.4833,negative,lonely 2517,depressed,"I feel like everyone hates me, no one ever tries to spend time with me. I want to take pills.",listener_1,2,I don't think you should ever fonsider pills when you're in a situation like this. Try to make new friend or find something productive to do instead of taking brainwashing medicine,0.4939,positive,apprehensive 2517,depressed,"I feel like everyone hates me, no one ever tries to spend time with me. I want to take pills.",speaker,3,i do try to make friends this is the problem no one wants me i dont know what the hell i've done wrong feel like im dying :(,-0.872,negative,sad 2517,depressed,"I feel like everyone hates me, no one ever tries to spend time with me. I want to take pills.",speaker,4,online i duno man even in person sometimes feel like no one wants me,0.0772,positive,lonely 2518,depressed,"I’ve been so incapacitated by my depression, that my mother had to force me to eat this morning.",speaker,1,"I’ve been so out of it lately. Starring at walls, sitting in a dark room, sleeping for significant periods of time, and I haven’t been able to do really do anything. It’s as if I’m in a comatose state internally, like my brain is currently shutdown. I’ve been struggling with depression for years, I think it’s getting worse. It’s absolutely debilitating, spreading like wildfire, burning up all that’s good. And I have no water to put out the flames consuming my life.",-0.4284,negative,lonely 2518,depressed,"I’ve been so incapacitated by my depression, that my mother had to force me to eat this morning.",listener_1,2,You can watch pewdiepie let's play or make friends in discord it really helps you try do be with ppl more and not wasting your time starring at walls don't waste your life yolo try exercising aswell sorry if the first 2 options sounds stupid but it works,0.5382,positive,acknowledging 2518,depressed,"I’ve been so incapacitated by my depression, that my mother had to force me to eat this morning.",speaker,3,"I exercise a lot, I’ve been keeping myself busy lately because if I slow down I’ll just fall back again. Still not feeling very good. Thank you for responding, nothing you said sounds stupid I appreciate it. :)",0.2699,positive,grateful 2518,depressed,"I’ve been so incapacitated by my depression, that my mother had to force me to eat this morning.",listener_1,4,Hope you get better every day:),0.7003,positive,consoling 2519,depressed,I really do want to die,speaker,1,"nothing seems to do the trick, nothing makes me want to keep on living",-0.1083,negative,sad 2519,depressed,I really do want to die,listener_1,2,"I hear you. I had goals that I thought would make me happy, I achieved them only to feel empty. I came across someone who gave meaning to my life but I was mislead. And so for the first time in my life, I am lost. I have nothing to live for. So I don't know where to go from here.",-0.25,negative,devastated 2520,depressed,Am I depressed or just extremley sad?,speaker,1,SKIP TO AFTER THE **** IF YOU CANT BE BOTHERED READING IT ALL I used to be sad about being lonley but now I don’t really feel anything about it I feel indifferent to it. I avoid situations so that I don’t ever have to feel like that again. I’ve stopped talking to my old “friend” group and hanging out with them because I just felt so uncomfortable and unwanted like heavy burden. I don’t eat lunch anymore I just sit it the library. My school is having a formal next month and i used to love those types of things more than anything in the word; dressing up and being like a princess. But now because I know I have no friends I’m too afraid to face that and I just don’t care anymore. Deep deep down I know I still want to go but at surface level it just means nothing to me. I don’t really have friends just a lot of aqquaintances at school. So in class in the hallways I have people to talk to but when it comes to hanging out at lunch they have there own “groups” which they talking with text with etc. ****** The reason this rant came about it’s because a few weeks ago there was a new girl who on her very first day said she couldn’t wait to find a group. This made me feel sad because I’ve been at this school for nearly a year and don’t have a group :(. I was very hurt when I saw a group of girls hanging out with her and showing her around. On my first day I was lost and nobody cared. It made me think that maybe people want something to do with her cause she’s actually pretty; shiny and new. Maybe people didn’t want to hang out with me because I looked boring and ugly nothing interesting. I don’t feel as sad about this as I used to but everyday it’s weighing on me and telling me to give up. When I was at my saddest I set a date to end my life which is in two weeks. I don’t think I want to kill myslef anymore I think I just want to feel pain and maybe kill myself later. Does everyone want to kill themselves?,-0.9939,negative,lonely 2520,depressed,Am I depressed or just extremley sad?,listener_1,2,"A lot of people feel like crap throughout high school. It's hard to tell whether you are depressed or not, but I would definitely talk.with your parents about setting up an appointment with a therapist. This can only help you. Even if you don't have depression, many people struggle with life and therapy can make so much of a difference not only helping you in the now but improving your life for the future.",0.8448,positive,agreeing 2520,depressed,Am I depressed or just extremley sad?,speaker,3,I’m too scared.ive tried with my mum but she gets mad and tells me get over it otherwise I’ll be depressed.,-0.8674,negative,afraid 2520,depressed,Am I depressed or just extremley sad?,listener_1,4,"There should be a counselor at your school. Start there so at least you have someone to talk to. And eventually if it becomes necessary for you to see a therapist, they can be the ones to talk to your mom and convince her how important it is.",0.4215,positive,suggesting 2520,depressed,Am I depressed or just extremley sad?,speaker,5,Is there any external service I can access without my parents knowledge?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2521,depressed,Sad everyday,speaker,1,"I know there are soooo many posts writing the same stuff here but I still need an outlet, no one has to respond. No one else in my life does. I truly can’t live like this anymore. I wake up everyday and go to sleep lonely and sad everyday always. I cry all the time and am running out of tears. I am a 53 yo man and feel like a little child inside. I think about and wish I were dead everyday and have for over 30 years. I don’t know how I haven’t killed myself. I want to but I am so scared of how it would affect my kids. They are the only thing I have in this world but feel they would be better off. No one would come to my funeral except them. Nobody ever returns my calls. I’m not a jerk so I don’t understand why. I HATE myself so dam much. I have no redeeming qualities, have left no mark on this world. I hate everything about this world and everyone in it. Why can’t I have just one friend, just one. I wonder sometimes what have I really done but I just can’t forgive myself and I don’t know why. Everything I touch and every decision I make has fucked mine or someone else’s life. I just feel like a bad person for being like this. So exhausted. I’ve tried every med combo out there and my psych says there’s nothing left to try. I don’t want to be here anymore. It’s too dam hard. Even as a child I always felt left out and sad. PLEASE let me die. Again you dont have to respond as I don’t expect anyone to. The end and peace hopefully will come soon enough. Friendless and sad, Me",-0.9942,negative,lonely 2521,depressed,Sad everyday,listener_1,2,"Your children are your mark, and for that, you will always be remembered, and you will be missed. The fact that you haven’t killed your self shows that you are unselfish and you know how to love. Just one of those is enough as “redeeming” qualities, so it seems you do have more than enough. I guarantee your post alone helped a few out there, it made others feel like they’re not alone. You’re not alone either.",0.35700000000000004,positive,proud 2521,depressed,Sad everyday,speaker,3,Ty,0.3818,positive,devastated 2521,depressed,Sad everyday,speaker,4,Ty I really appreciate that. Nice to have someone to respond. I don’t think a lot of people who don’t suffer can truly understand this level of hopelessness. Just feeling sad for a few days isn’t the same but I feel that sentiment in conversations I hear and it is disheartening. That’s why it’s still so hard to come forward. You will be looked at differently no matter what they say in public. In private I’m sure it’s a different story. I hope you can reach your friend but don’t try to understand so much. Be there for him even if you don’t talk. Sometimes people just like to know someone’s there without pressure of talking.,0.8979,positive,grateful 2522,depressed,Started drinking at school to hide the fact I’m suicidal,speaker,1,"I can’t convince myself that life is worth living and that anyone benefits from having me around I have no self worth I can’t stand feeling so unbearably depressed and I’ve been cutting and drinking to try and distract myself and it’s gotten so bad I’ve started drinking at school. I feel so stupid knowing that friends are around me but every night I get so lonely and desperate and I hate myself with every single fibre of my being and I’d be better off dead but I’m too scared of feeling any more pain I used to only feel depressed at night and that was almost bearable But this is too much and I don’t know how much of this I can take For almost a year I’ve been so desperate to be with someone: to have that comfort of company and validation is all I want, and it’s taken over my life and my interactions with people. It ruins the friendships I have and I still can’t stop wanting to be loved so fervidly. I wish people would notice I’m suffering. I’m too scared to get help in case of one of the many scenarios in my head becomes real. All I have is my head and it’s my worst enemy. I ruin everything I’m around and I’ve been trying so hard to make people happy but all I do is annoy everyone. I’m a burden to those I’m close to and an annoyance to everyone else. I just want to feel okay. I want to be okay. I want them to be okay with me. I wish they’d never met me and just left me to die on my own. I should be dead, but I don’t want to hurt my mum. It would push her over the edge and I couldn’t leave knowing that. I’m so stuck. Please help me",-0.996,negative,ashamed 2522,depressed,Started drinking at school to hide the fact I’m suicidal,listener_1,2,Do you have a school counselor or someone you can talk to? Booze will only make things worse.,-0.4767,negative,apprehensive 2522,depressed,Started drinking at school to hide the fact I’m suicidal,listener_2,3,"U do make a point tho it doesn't really help at all it is merely a distraction, for most.. for sum that doesn't even work either. It's what it does, it sucks the fun out of everything.",-0.5065,negative,agreeing 2522,depressed,Started drinking at school to hide the fact I’m suicidal,speaker,4,😂😂😂 I cant afford a gold so have a poor-person gold medal 🥇🏅,0.9517,positive,disappointed 2523,depressed,A diary entry,speaker,1," I have a reoccuring dream. In the dream, every time I press the cold barrel of the gun against my temple, my body chest pounds with adrenaline. That muscle, trapped inside the cage of my ribs protests harder than ever; more desperate for life than ever, in the face of death. Right when my heart is about to burst out of my ribs in a bloody splatter, I wake up. &#x200B; My mind wants to flee. I have been stuck here all my life. Looking through two holes in a skull. A body whose limbs I seem to control. A body which opens its mouth, as I speak through its throat, and I use it as a megaphone to broadcast words. Words that I need to string into sentences of meaning, and lips that I need to stretch into smiles. A body, which like a car, needs to be fueled up in case it collapses doing the fucking useless tasks of everyday life. Even if I slowly disappeared, my body would live. It would feed itself, and go to work, and laugh. But I wouldn’t exist. There would be no trace of me left. It is getting harder and harder to lift my hands up to type, to tie my shoelaces, to eat anymore. Most of what I can do now is just look through these eyes. Maybe not eyes, maybe some sophisticated version of a computer monitor. I’m beginning to disappear. Sometimes, when I relax all the muscles, try to let go, try to escape as much as possible, I wonder: if I aim right between the eyes, and pull the trigger, will I finally shatter the cage I’m stuck in? Will my field of vision suddenly expand? Will I emerge out of a broken shell, and finally feel like myself? But perhaps not. Perhaps I am the broken shell. I remember being a child, feeling full- even bursting. Full of food, full of laughter until I burst, engulfed in hugs. What happened? Why do I feel like I’m at such a distance from everything? Why do I touch who I love with hands that seem to be mine, but my mind is still aching for contact? Like I never touched him. There’s some wiring missing in between my body and my mind, perhaps. How can feeling nothing be so painful? I want to die. Unless I can live. I can’t do this anymore.",0.7751,positive,terrified 2523,depressed,A diary entry,listener_1,2,"Saw your other pic, had to ""check you out."" Unfortunately I understand completely. About two months ago I asked for help. A lot of people came to my rescue. Family, friends, doctors, a therapist, a psychologist too. Today was the 1st day I felt good in almost a year. I hope it lasts... I hope things are better for you.",0.9538,positive,trusting 2523,depressed,A diary entry,speaker,3,"Thank you so much. It means a lot that would would take the time to not only read, but share. I hope I get healthier.",0.8126,positive,grateful 2523,depressed,A diary entry,listener_1,4,"I can only say that some battles are not to be fought solo. Lot of people were/still are VERY concerned about me. The last straw 2 months ago was when I laughed out loud for the 1st time in days because I had a... daydream I guess? It was walking into a Starbucks, ordering a coffee, enjoying it, then pulling out one of my pistols and blowing my head off. The look on the people's faces in my head was what made me laugh. Scared the shit out of me. So I went to my doctor and asked for help.",0.6769,positive,embarrassed 2524,depressed,What my boyfriend don't know.,speaker,1,I was 2 years self harm free and recently I relapsed just to feel something again and I don't know how to tell him.,-0.0516,negative,lonely 2524,depressed,What my boyfriend don't know.,listener_1,2,"Does he knew that u used to self harm? If so u should just let him know, but if he doesn’t know that u used to self harm then I say this be careful when u tell him bc he could get scared and leave u or he would just try and help u.",-0.7717,negative,neutral 2524,depressed,What my boyfriend don't know.,speaker,3,"Yeah he knows about my selfharm, he is the one that reminds me to take my meds and such. Im just affraid and i know i shouldnt be.",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_2,1,i don’t think i’m actually depressed i’m just always sad about things. I can get myself out of bed and go and do things but i just usually feel sad and i don’t know what to do any ideas??,-0.8276,negative,questioning 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_3,2,same here but I know why Im sad..,-0.631,negative,agreeing 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_2,3,thats tough bro i mean i know sometimes why i’m sad but not all the time,-0.3182,negative,agreeing 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_2,4,that seems like a good idea but usually no matter what i do even if it’s something i enjoy i eventually get sad even when i’m in the middle of it,0.4096,positive,neutral 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_3,5,Indeed hm 🤔,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2524,depressed,i need help,listener_4,6,Just remember doing half of something is better than nothing <3,0.4404,positive,neutral 2525,depressed,I’m alone and depressed. 18 y/o. I would like some help.,speaker,1,"I’m 18, recent high school graduate and I’m going through the worst depression of my life. I have lost all of my friends, they all dropped me after graduation and my last one abandoned me after I found refuge in her, telling her what was going on in my household and how hopeless I felt. I never got a response. This was a week ago, and yes she’s very active on social media, she also has my number, and we live in the same neighborhood... I have no friends or social activity. I don’t drive, no one will teach me. I have been alone my whole life, I always lose people I care about because I realize that they’re fake and are only taking advantage of me. I’m a giver. I give so much and then finally. I’m burnt out, used and abused. I feel weak, and as if I’m bleeding out from all the work I’ve done for others, while I’m never even a thought to them. I go to therapy yes, but my therapist isn’t any help at all. She doesn’t listen to me and I always feel like I can’t truly express myself. Also, I can only see her once a month, which isn’t what I need. I need somebody regular. With my insurance it’s hard to find a good therapist. The one I had before I went to for almost 3 years, I could see her whenever I wanted and it helped a lot. But she moved to North Dakota. I’m in Georgia. My depression has led me to not take care of myself like I used to, I’m bed bound, I forget to wash my face and brush my teeth, I under eat or over eat (mostly under) I have a lot of aspirations and goals for myself. But I feel like I’m reaching my breaking point, there’s an empty void inside of me. My father is mentally ill, and is our only source of income. My mother is constantly going through hell because of it, and she can’t find work even though she’s a college graduate with a bachelors degree. I’m alone. And depressed. And it’s so hard for me to keep hope. And see light. I’m saying this because, I need someone. I want a friend. When I say I’ve been alone my whole life I really mean it. I felt unloved and unwanted, misunderstood, my sister didn’t act like a sister to me, my mother was mean, my dad was.. a worker and going through his mania. I was bullied at public school and dealt with racism at my charter school. All I had was my cat, my imagination, and art. I’m very smart, I know a lot about a lot. Ask me anything if you want. I really like the cinema arts, that’s where I want to work in... If anyone read this, thank you.",-0.931,negative,lonely 2525,depressed,I’m alone and depressed. 18 y/o. I would like some help.,listener_1,2,"I read this. I wish I could offer you some profound wisdom, but Im currently in a similar situation and struggling to distinguish a solution too. All I can say is, we are very young. There are many years ahead, and that comes with endless possibilities. Keep your head up friend. You are not alone.",0.8276,positive,agreeing 2525,depressed,I’m alone and depressed. 18 y/o. I would like some help.,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2525,depressed,I’m alone and depressed. 18 y/o. I would like some help.,speaker,4,I’m in Atlanta. I hope you respond and I’m not too late,0.4404,positive,hopeful 2526,depressed,I’m depressed about my recent actions and I feel absolutely horrible.,speaker,1,"So I started using a cart(thc) in about July. I used that one on and off until I finished it. Yesterday day I bought a new one from a friend and it really messed me up I felt like I was going absolutely insane. I went to my parents and they tried helping me out. Their idea until I started throwing up blood was to just let me ride it out. I hated having my parents see me in such a way I was acting I was screaming about nonsensical things. I would freak out for the littlest things like looking at the clock and seeing only 20 minutes had gone by but it felt like 6 hours had gone by. I felt like I was going to die. When the ambulance had taken me to the hospital I found out that the vomiting blood was just from me throwing up many times and could be from the esophagus. About 16 hours later I am completely over from what I had taken but I am super sad about everything. I’ve never felt this way before and I always used to think “oh I feel like people who are depressed just need to think happy thoughts and should be fine” but now I see the true horrors of feeling this way. I don’t feel like hurting myself or anyone else which is a good thing. But I don’t know why I feel this way my parents are slightly mad about what I did but they’re fine now, they still love me, I still love them. I’m not sure how to get out of this hole. If anyone can help it would be much appreciated",0.974,positive,terrified 2526,depressed,I’m depressed about my recent actions and I feel absolutely horrible.,listener_1,2,"look man, from personal experience, everyone fucks up at some point. you handled it as best you could, and taking it up with your parents is something most young adults nowadays would do last, in regards to taking any substance. your family is stronger than before because your parents know you trust them and can come to them. your friend, on the other hand, is in a pretty shitty spot for not making sure the cart was real. as you can tell from experience, it could be deadly. if anyone should be stuffed in a shit hole they can't climb out of, it's your friend for endangering your well-being.",0.8919,positive,neutral 2526,depressed,I’m depressed about my recent actions and I feel absolutely horrible.,speaker,3,Well said. Thank you my friend,0.7783,positive,wishing 2526,depressed,I’m depressed about my recent actions and I feel absolutely horrible.,speaker,4,"Thank you, I appreciate your response. It was the weirdest thing of my life. I remember my body vibrating violently twice every second or so right when the high started to kick in. I was like oh this won’t be so bad this is going to be fun. Then I realized that I will be feeling like that all night, it drove me insane, I remember hitting my pillow and starting to cry. I’m so mad at myself for my recent actions, my mother is scheduling an appointment with a therapist today. Hopefully that will help a lot.",-0.2696,negative,embarrassed 2526,depressed,I’m depressed about my recent actions and I feel absolutely horrible.,speaker,5,I’m trying my hardest to move past it and my parents keep trying to reassure me that it’s been in the past and that they don’t care about the drug aspect anymore. There’s something holding me back deep and I can’t figure out what it is,0.6808,positive,disappointed 2527,depressed,When i think of her,speaker,1,My brain forces me to remember her each day. I cannot forget her face or everything that took place. She stunned me from all i knew in disgrace. I gave her all i had she took as much as she could then smashed the largest amount of what she could of my life into pieces. A love hate situation i can hardly stand. I do not know if i want to yell at her or hug her but i will never have to know. She will hurt just like me. Be used like the full she chose for me to be and it will hurt times 3. How will she manage to survive the pain of this magnitude. I love and hate you. I hope you make it through and are able to learn the truth.,-0.0302,neutral,devastated 2527,depressed,When i think of her,listener_1,2,Buddy I understand but pls you gave a future,0.1154,positive,neutral 2527,depressed,When i think of her,listener_2,3,This has happened to me this year as well took me 6-7 months to get anywhere close to moving on with my life. You’ll get there man.,0.2732,positive,neutral 2528,depressed,What did I do wrong help?!,speaker,1,"So today was again one of my depressing days, on those days I hate everyone and want to end my life once again... But now my Girlfriend took this day on the next level. I was talking about my next lesson at school and how bad tempered I am today, but then from out of nowhere she slapped me very hard (reason until now:unclear) she just said that I have deserved it...somebody please help wtf is wrong with her",-0.9279,negative,angry 2528,depressed,What did I do wrong help?!,listener_1,2,"Well fuck - that was a totally shitty, uncaring way to try to get you to snap out of your depression. Physical violence between partners should be intolerable. Perhaps you are depressed because you are in a relationship with someone who has no patience for what you go through. Address it now and be blunt - has she slapped other romantic partners in the past? Technically speaking, she committed a crime. If she doesn't offer a reasonable explanation, then focus not on the depression and school stresses, rather focus on how to extract yourself from a toxic relationship. Best of luck friend. Love yourself first and foremost.",-0.5712,negative,angry 2528,depressed,What did I do wrong help?!,speaker,3,"Thanks man I really appreciate your message and will do my best, I already split up with her and now I focus again on my stuff.",0.8777,positive,wishing 2529,depressed,I Was Doing Well,speaker,1,"I was doing so well managing my depression. I got engaged, I went back to school, I managed to save up some money, I got a dog. Today my puppy broke his leg and it all just can crashing back down on me. The little guy is in so much pain and is going to be out of action for two months. All my savings are gone with the surgery, and I don't know how I can make myself go to class anymore. Even though I know it was an accident, he just landed from a jump wrong, I can't help but feel like it was my fault for playing too rough with him. It's like a bad dream. I'm so upset right now.",-0.8119,negative,devastated 2529,depressed,I Was Doing Well,listener_1,2,It feels but dont put the blame on yourself too much. He's out of action for 2 months so be there with him the whole way through.,0.3724,positive,neutral 2529,depressed,I Was Doing Well,listener_2,3,What does that have to do with the depression??? Such a weird post,-0.7131,negative,questioning 2529,depressed,I Was Doing Well,listener_3,4,"Seriously? Wow! Apparently you have never had long term clinical depression before. You can seem ""recovered"" but it's tenuous. Something like that can easily slam you back into the worst of it. It's all relative and diffrent for everyone. Attention seeking crybabies have ruined the word ""trigger"" but once upon a time, it was a real thing that could happen to people who dealwith mental illness.",-0.937,negative,surprised 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,speaker,1,"I’m having a really bad problem with work at the moment, I’ve barely had any shifts over the summer and now I’m running out of money. I took some flexible work after my mom was diagnosed with cancer. It allows me to help her with her treatment and hospital appointments. I was fully prepared to survive the summer which I’ve done but I haven’t received any shifts since then. My boss is trying to get me work but no luck yet :( I’ve been asking friends for any money they can spare, I hate doing that. It makes me feel like a massive burden :( I’ve also been applying for better jobs but there’s no guarantee I’ll get one. Today is the first day I considered committing suicide out of sheer desperation to get out of this bad situation. Please help me.",-0.9773,negative,disappointed 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,listener_1,2,Wooooow I'm getting depressed:/ I don't belong here,-0.5106,negative,sad 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,speaker,3,"I don’t think any of us want to be here but if you need to talk, I’m happy to help.",0.8674,positive,sympathizing 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,listener_1,4,No im not depressed 😀 I just this sub is like I'm 4 and this is deep but damn this things make you depressed :/,-0.8923,negative,neutral 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,speaker,5,"Yeah, it takes a lot to push someone to the edge",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,speaker,6,I guess I could try babysitting or dog walking. I’m just worried nobody would hire me even if temporarily. I really hope things improve during the next few weeks otherwise I don’t know what I’m going to do.,0.6318,positive,apprehensive 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,listener_2,7,"A lot of babysitting is short term or situational. Get onto some job boards or sign up with [Care.com](https://Care.com) to help people find you. You are obviously very empathetic and caring, so embrace that part of yourself. Did you talk to your mom about your concerns? Some cleaning companies could take you on to cover for people calling in sick. Or look into being a substitute teacher for your local school district - it could be a nice once in a while gig that you only accept when mom has no appointments.",0.9011,positive,caring 2530,depressed,I’ve been crying all day,speaker,8,Thanks for the advice :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 2531,depressed,Gonna slit my wrist in my bathtub,speaker,1,Saw it in “IT” so I think I’m gonna do it. Gonna write my note tomorrow.,0.0,neutral,confident 2531,depressed,Gonna slit my wrist in my bathtub,listener_1,2,The original 'IT' or the new one? Also that doesn't sound like a nice time,0.457,positive,acknowledging 2531,depressed,Gonna slit my wrist in my bathtub,listener_1,3,Aw you should check out the original. Hope you're feeling better,0.8225,positive,consoling 2532,depressed,I just want to vent,speaker,1,"I've been busting my ass to take care of people but they act like im nothing. I'm tired of it dude, no body knows what respect is these days. Im always working or at school and people just ask for shit. I'm gonna drop some people and only stay between the bros that won't accept shit but give stuff to people who need it. Im tired and sore all the dam time. But the only time i feel normal is lifting weights with the bros. Don't know how that works but ok. Anyway working is a pain in the ass and im only 17 like wtf. 17 and working for every little bit I have life's a bitch. Schools a bitch too. Working on paper sucks bro legit I can only focus on work after school. Getting paid and providing is the only thing I worry about. People at school well the kids these days don't know what actual work and taking care of shit you earn. But ay I guess we all have been raised different and got more shit then most do. But I'm just tired of it all. Depression is getting worse so is anxeity, I barley controll myself anymore. Anger is getting worse too, the slightest things get me pissed to the point I randomly blackout and my adrenaline goes berserk. I've came close to beating the shit out of people. Just random people like they just look at me weird I'm ready to fight. I've been stabbed, shot, and beaten serverly. I don't know for certain but that might be why. Im giving little scoops on shit by the way from my recent days. I'm just tired of life im just exhausted from all this drama and shit. School dram is horrible I had to Phsicaly knock it my friend from killing some dude from his old town. And then I had to go meet a few kids who tried to jump my buddy's little brother. Got shot at too it wasn't very fun. I fractured my same knuckle again well re fractured it. People just piss me off sometimes I want to hit them. However some people I can't . Welp hoped you enjoyed reading this I guess this like an update.",-0.9986,negative,angry 2532,depressed,I just want to vent,listener_1,2,On yhe people aspect. Ive been in a rough place for a couple months. I quit starting convos with my friends. And poof. In 2 months only 2 people started single convos with me. Most were blast snaps out to a bunch of people. Feel terrible. All I can say is keep driving on.,0.0,neutral,lonely 2532,depressed,I just want to vent,speaker,3,Kinda have to anyways I use to talk to alot of people. Now I only talk to 3 outside of school and even inside,0.0,neutral,lonely 2532,depressed,I just want to vent,speaker,4,Yea I got 1 from elementary and we still hang out when I have time.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,speaker,1,Is it possible to cope with depression yourself? I saw many tips how to feel better just not being alone with depression and hang out with friends but I don't want any help and communication with my friends and relatives or any people. I'm not comfortable being vulnerable and open anymore. I hate thinking that their tips and support are not helpful at all but it seems that they are being superior over me that way. Any tips and strategies would be much appreciated.,0.5787,positive,apprehensive 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,listener_1,2,My thoughts the same. I just look forward to stuffs like seeing my children grow and other stuffs,0.3612,positive,hopeful 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,listener_2,3,"I agree, this does seem possible.",0.3612,positive,agreeing 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,listener_3,4,Username checks out,0.0,neutral,angry 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,speaker,5,thank you for your answer!,0.4199,positive,wishing 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,speaker,6,thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,speaker,7,oh my. I assume since then you've stopped telling her anything personal (but I may be wrong),-0.6808,negative,neutral 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,listener_4,8,You're not wrong.,0.3724,positive,agreeing 2533,depressed,Dealing with depression independently.,speaker,9,so sorry for it. hope you are feeling better now!,0.7183,positive,sympathizing 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",speaker,1,"Xwife cheated, divorced, next relationship I was lied to about pregnancy, went into therapy, got meds and started feel there was a light at the end of this long tunnel. But then this week something is itching, I just want to get high? I quit 12 years ago and now it feels like the addiction is back in full swing. But I haven't been using for so long. What is the cause, I am in control but it's bothering me why in getting this itch. Any advice?",-0.4606,negative,apprehensive 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",listener_1,2,"First - I am not a doctor or medical professional, only someone who has issues with depression. So please, seek out a competent medical professional or the physician who prescribed your medications. Depression medications use various methods of helping with depression symptoms by either improving the function of neurotransmitters or by binding to different receptors in the brain and either slowing these processes down or making them more active. Drug addiction is also caused in large part by the brain's response to the way the drug or abused medication affects brain chemicals. Logic would follow that the reason your prior itch is coming on is perhaps because the medication you are prescribed is interacting with the same neurotransmitters or receptors that the drugs or other substances you used previously, in a manner that mimics addiction. Again I am no medical person and I am writing out of concern for someone struggling as I do with depression. It could also be anatomy, coping skills, etc. but based on your post, it sounds more chemical to me, but I can only provide my own anecdotal evidence. That being said, I am glad to read that you are in control and asking about this issue before it becomes anything other than an itch. This is a side effect of the medication, so I would talk to your MD ASAP about switching to something else that does not use the same brain receptors. Here's an article that explains it better. [https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression](https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/what-causes-depression)",0.4483,positive,apprehensive 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",speaker,3,"Thank you very much for the feedback. Like the other comment I like to understand the reasoning as it helps me to manage them. I will book an appointment with my therapist as soon as possible. If anyone wanted to know,I am on cyngem. Which I believe would tickle that part of the brain. Once again thank you so much, don't want to go down that road again.",0.8783,positive,grateful 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",listener_2,4,"Thanks for enlightening us. I was unaware to this just as much as OP, but it makes perfect sense.",0.8294,positive,neutral 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",listener_1,5,"I have been researching ""why am I this way?"" with ""this"" being depression, for most of my life. Finding facts is the only way I can rationalize my episodes of depression.",-0.8126,negative,prepared 2534,depressed,"Been to therapy,on meds. But something unexpected is happening.",listener_2,6,A bit of rationalization helps. Depression can be so fucking confusing and frustrating. Having something to cling onto makes it easier to cope with.,-0.604,negative,nostalgic 2535,depressed,Things just instantly changed,speaker,1,Ever since she hugged and told me she loves me. I know people come and go but I hope she stays. I'm grateful to have her I hope she would feel the same way I feel bout her. sorry for the bad English.,0.8658,positive,caring 2535,depressed,Things just instantly changed,listener_1,2,What happened??,0.0,neutral,questioning 2535,depressed,Things just instantly changed,listener_2,3,the fire nation attacked.,-0.6597,negative,neutral 2535,depressed,Things just instantly changed,listener_1,4,What does it mean?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2536,depressed,How to get over someone??,speaker,1,How tf do you get over someone?? My girlfriend and I split up after almost 3 years and it’s been almost 2 months since we broke up. How tf do you get over someone,-0.4871,negative,lonely 2536,depressed,How to get over someone??,listener_1,2,"Therapy is probably the best way to do that because getting into another relationship before you have grieved this one would perpetuate the cycle, if another romantic relationship ends.",0.5994,positive,apprehensive 2536,depressed,How to get over someone??,speaker,3,Yeah. Planning on therapy as more of a last resort tho. Is there really nothing else?,0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 2536,depressed,How to get over someone??,listener_1,4,Medication can help you break free of the ruminating thoughts that bog you down from doing what you need to do. I watch Sadhguru videos to put my brain back on track. [https://youtu.be/w5f2WZYClpI](https://youtu.be/w5f2WZYClpI),0.7184,positive,nostalgic 2537,depressed,Ouch,speaker,1,Just heard something that instantly placed a knife through my heart. (sorry if it's grammatically wrong),0.2023,positive,devastated 2537,depressed,Ouch,listener_1,2,That’s my least favorite aspect of depression. That feeling of having your heart broken daily by tiny details,-0.5544,negative,sad 2537,depressed,Ouch,listener_2,3,True,0.4215,positive,faithful 2538,depressed,It makes me sad that I have to celebrate my birthday,speaker,1,"I don't really get along with empathy. I don't want my birthday to be celebrated. But yea my sad it has to be, my brothers are the concerning part. They both want me to go eat with them I can't say anything. I don't want them to be sad, they would be",-0.7872,negative,sad 2538,depressed,It makes me sad that I have to celebrate my birthday,listener_1,2,Happy birthday. I suppose today is the only day there should no guilt in doing things. Dont celebrate if u dotn want to,0.4245,positive,faithful 2538,depressed,It makes me sad that I have to celebrate my birthday,speaker,3,Thank you buddy,0.3612,positive,grateful 2539,depressed,(37f) been really depressed,speaker,1,"I have been feeling really down , I have social anxiety I live with parents I have not worked in a long time . My life makes me so sad , all my friends have kids and jobs they dont have time for me and I understand that . I am just so tired of hurting and not feeling good enough , I could really use some one to talk to . If your out there going through the same thing please send me a message . Hope to hear from some people soon .",-0.7485,negative,lonely 2539,depressed,(37f) been really depressed,listener_1,2,You can message me whenever you need.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2539,depressed,(37f) been really depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for reaching out . You are the second nicest person in the world ,I posted that 2 days ago and you are my second reply . How are you ?",0.7759,positive,questioning 2539,depressed,(37f) been really depressed,listener_1,4,"There are a lot of great people on this sub. Depending on when they sign in and what posts are at the top, not to mention which posts they can personally relate to, is how people answer. I'm just waking up after sleeping for 13 hours so this is a resemblance of my life.",0.7096,positive,content 2540,depressed,save our shit,speaker,1,I've never been this far from hope. It's been over a year out here and I'm just getting more lost. It's nighttime all the time in a rudderless sea. The moon is a ghost. The compass is drunk. The stars are in braille and too far to feel. Just the wind on my face in a boat without sails.,-0.5256,negative,terrified 2540,depressed,save our shit,listener_1,2,You could aim to become a poet. This was amazing. Tgis may have taken you time but if you practice enough this would become a daily thing.,0.34,positive,proud 2540,depressed,save our shit,speaker,3,Ohh! Thanks you. This is such an very kind thing to say. It means a lot. Thanks for warming my my heart a bit <3,0.9391,positive,acknowledging 2540,depressed,save our shit,listener_1,4,You are welcome. But what i said was only the truth.,0.6059,positive,neutral 2541,depressed,It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to someone,speaker,1,"I know I'm depressed whenever I isolate myself from family and friends. Every day, I lay in bed and wonder how I am I still alive. I don't want to get out of bed or talk to anyone. I don't want to drag anyone down with my depressive thoughts. I could write them in my journal but I can't get past the date. Depression and loneliness beat me down and I just lay there and break down. It's the only thing I can do right now. I worry about myself because I don't want to resort to self harm. I'm just struggling to think positive and to keep my composure because I hate to see my mom so worried. I don't want her to see my like this. She's already seen me in at lowest and I don't want to put her in the same situation. I really feel alone even though I have people who care about me. I force myself to smile and hold my head head high. Deep inside, I'm drowning in my own tears.",-0.9782,negative,lonely 2541,depressed,It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to someone,listener_1,2,"Hey... remember you're not alone, there's other people that have and are going through the same thing. If you know anyone who has why don't you talk to them or if not. Try looking into get help, like talking to a therapist or someone who knows you well. Ive been going through something similar where I didn't want to talk to anyone socialise or even bother to live, to the point where I was planning my own death. But then I realised how much people cared for me. The worst thing to do is to bottle it up, you need to find something that occupies you...even a hobby, like drawing colouring or anything. You can't ignore your problems...tell people even if it's people you don't really know if that helps. There's always people on Reddit and other social media that can help you... remember that like I did.",0.9249,positive,agreeing 2541,depressed,It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to someone,speaker,3,I had therapy in the past but I stopped going because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. I have hobbies but I lose interest pretty quickly. I know I can't ignore my problems or bottle them up but I feel like no one would give up their time to listen to me. I called hotlines but they can only do so much. I needed help.. Badly. So I posted here. I feel somewhat better but I honestly worry that I'll sink into a deep depression once more. I hate the fact that I can't tell my loved ones how I feel like the way I express on my post. I'll figure this out eventually.,0.2792,positive,ashamed 2541,depressed,It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to someone,speaker,4,"It sucks, doesn't it?",-0.3612,negative,questioning 2541,depressed,It's been 2 weeks since I last talked to someone,listener_2,5,Yep,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,speaker,1,It just gets worse and worse. I'm losing my goddamn mind and can't decide whether I want to cry or laugh at how miserable and weak I am. I can't handle being around other people without being depressing or pissed off. Still trying to lie and say I'm alright even when I'm dying on the inside. The positive thoughts only last momentarily before my own mind tears me apart again. I want to die so I can finally be at peace. I just need to work up the courage.,-0.9084,negative,sad 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,listener_1,2,"You are so much stronger than you think! <3 I get the same way. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it will get better",0.6732,positive,neutral 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,speaker,3,Thank you. I really hope so. I can't keep living like this. I'm sorry you get the same way.,0.5078,positive,sympathizing 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,listener_1,4,"Its ok, don't be sorry :) I know you can move past this, just another bump in the road. usually at times like these or in the social situations you were talking about I like to do grounding techniques. the ""5"" one is my favorite. They help a lot more with anxiety for me, but hey I don't think being grounded has ever been a bad thing lol",0.2919,positive,sympathizing 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,speaker,5,I'll look into that technique. I hope it helps me out too. Being grounded is always a good thing lol,0.8807,positive,encouraging 2542,depressed,Barely holding it together.,listener_1,6,https://amindfulemergence.com/5-4-3-2-1-method-to-reduce-anxiety/ Here’s a website with info on it :),0.4588,positive,agreeing 2542,depressed,idk,listener_2,1,"it just seems to come and go during the seasons and I’m just slowly sinking the farther these year is going. I’m still in school but I don’t have any classes with the (3??2??) friend-ish people I have and I just hate my home life in general. My parents are divorced and me and my brother were forced to move in with my mom and now we live across the state from our dad and he has to pay child support for us and I feel awful about it because he’s a genuinely nice person and I love him a lot and wanted to move in with him when I could- but at that point I would’ve ruined the pathway I built at this high school and I feel fucking terrible about it. On top of that my mom doesn’t use our child support money for use at all and spends it on motorcycle shit instead. She probably only uses it on our food from what I understand (but even then she has hundreds given to her every two weeks or whatever, she doesn’t need that much to buy us food we only eat for dinner) idk where the money goes besides that, we didn’t receive new clothes for around three years at one point and my dad’s family had to buy us clothes instead. I feel like my friends don’t want to talk to me or see me. i was yelled at by both my younger brother and mom today because I walked into the room while one of my brother’s friends was over and i just gave up on social interaction for the day and retreated back to my room. i dunno, I just hate days like this because it makes me more aware while I’m sitting on my bed about my mortality and that I still don’t know what to do as a career even after all this time. i don’t expect anyone to respond to this (and please don’t idk im just not sure I guess do what you want) this is just therapeutic in a way for me to put my thoughts out here somehow and i’m sorry for bothering anyone but I just hate not knowing what im doing with my life and I’m afraid of choosing the wrong path- im not that smart and i think if I attempt college it’ll turn out to be shit and I’m okay at drawing which is what all of my extra classes are but I’m not good at it and i don’t think I could ever do it successfully as a career but i can’t do anything else I’m sorry again I’ll probably feel better Monday but this weekend, that fact I only have this one life and this is how I’m using it is just... hitting my brain incredibly hard right now for the lack of better words",-0.9554,negative,lonely 2542,depressed,idk,listener_3,2,"I'm sorry you're going through this. It's hard, I know. Don't beat yourself up too bad about not moving in with your dad when you had the chance or about his child support payments. Those are out of your control. Also, I know this sounds cliche, but try not worry about your future too much either. Most of us aren't that great at anything, and we just end up getting jobs that we don't love, but that pay the bills. That's what I did at least, when my chosen career path fell through. You just learn to live for the things that you do love and appreciate the moments of happiness when you have them. Also, I've been through some pretty dark depressive episodes, and I'm sure it's hard for you to believe, but it does get better...and if it doesn't feel like it's getting better for you on your own, keep seeking help until it does.",0.9477,positive,sentimental 2542,depressed,idk,listener_2,3,"Thank you a lot, I feel a bit better after getting some more sleep and a lot better after seeing this comment.",0.8074,positive,sympathizing 2543,depressed,I screw up to much,speaker,1,"Anytime I talk to my one friend (she) and anytime we have a late talk or after a while I always screw up and she gets mad. When I talk to her at school shes like don't make me block you or she'll block my number and then later unblock me and we'd talk again. I'm just tired of it, I don't know what to do. I feel useless to her because when she feels bad or is sad I say I'm here for her and she can vent to me she just avoids my advice and I feel really useless to her. I'm lost and confused, we compeltly stopped talking over summer for 3 months but I managed to get her back. But I fucking love this girl she's my best friend and I've liked her for a 2 years. I always am screwing up. I don't understand what to do.",0.9144,positive,ashamed 2543,depressed,I screw up to much,listener_1,2,Are you into your friend?,0.4939,positive,questioning 2543,depressed,I screw up to much,speaker,3,But yeah im into/like her,0.4215,positive,neutral 2543,depressed,I screw up to much,speaker,4,I am it goes back and forth.... She's liked me before too but rn she dosent and im just so lost on how to deal with her,-0.4744,negative,neutral 2544,depressed,My mum hindering my progress,speaker,1,So I’m 16 extremley lonley and it’s turning into depression. To combat this I’ve read that doing exercise can prevent it getting worse and that to prevent loneliness manifesting into depression you should do things you love which aren’t people. I don’t really like anything anymore but I chose running. So now I run twice a week. This morning I was going for a run and she told me “it’s an obsession” and I’m very upset because I was just trying to get better. She’s very negative about me running as she thinks I’m trying to lose weight. I swear I’m not I absolutely hate my body cause I’m so skinny and would rather have curves etc. she makes me feel so guilty calling me sick and that I’ll have an eating disorder. This makes me feel so much worse. She doesn’t know how hard it is for me to even go out to run when I’d rather just stay in bed all day. I tried to tell her about my loneliness a while back but she just said to “get over it or you’ll be depressed”. Which I know sounds harsh but it’s what I’m trying to do. Guys what should I do? These running goals are the only thing I have going on.,-0.9894,negative,grateful 2544,depressed,My mum hindering my progress,listener_1,2,Just ignore her and keep running.,-0.3612,negative,questioning 2544,depressed,My mum hindering my progress,speaker,3,I wish but you have no idea how passive aggressive this women can be,-0.1655,negative,neutral 2544,depressed,My mum hindering my progress,listener_1,4,You gotta be you. No matter what others say. Its just noise. You do you!,-0.0941,negative,confident 2545,depressed,Depressed and sucidial women rejecting me making me worse what do I do,speaker,1,What to do?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2545,depressed,Depressed and sucidial women rejecting me making me worse what do I do,listener_1,2,Try and not look at them as suicidal and depressed. If you want to support them then do so without getting too attached or too close to them. However if you do want to get over them and not talk to them and such try and not look at them as depressed and suicidal.,-0.9231,negative,agreeing 2545,depressed,Depressed and sucidial women rejecting me making me worse what do I do,listener_2,3,"I think the title is missing commas. I think OP is trying to say, ""depressed and suicidal, women rejecting me making me worse."" Not depressed and suicidal women rejecting him.",-0.9154,negative,embarrassed 2545,depressed,Depressed and sucidial women rejecting me making me worse what do I do,listener_3,4,"I think they meant that they are suicidal and depressed, and people that reject them are making them feel worse?",-0.9274,negative,sad 2545,depressed,Depressed and sucidial women rejecting me making me worse what do I do,listener_1,5,"There's a lot of ""me"" in there.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2546,depressed,I feel completely lost,speaker,1,"Hi, im a 23 yo guy, and there is this girl, we have been friends for quite some time now, ive always liked her, like in a romantic way, and like a month ago i told her how i felt about her and she said she didnt feel the same way about me, that we were just friends. I thought i was okey with that, because a little part of me always hoped that we could evolve to something more. Anyways yesterday she came over to my place, we made dinner and ate together and after we ate she told me she had to go soon, because she was going to see some other friends. Ofc that was no problem, but later i checked her snapmap and shes with some other guy, going to the movies etc, and i just startes to feel like shit. And i just cannot get rid of this feeling of betrayl sortof... i realise this sounds completely fucked up as im writing this.. but yeah.. i sent her some snaps and after like 2 hours of no response i start to overthink and begin to feel even more like shit, so i decide to block her... and now it just feel like i have an empty hole inside me... Dont have many people to talk to so i decided to just post it here to get this shit out of my head",-0.7562,negative,surprised 2546,depressed,I feel completely lost,listener_1,2,I feel sorry for you...,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2546,depressed,I feel completely lost,speaker,3,"Im not sure if im able to keep her as just a friend, thinking of her with other guys makes me feel jealous, and i really really wish i didnt get jealous, but the feeling tears me up inside and just fills me with anger. Im not a violent person or anything, i pretty much avoid any kind of conflict if im able to. But yeah.. Anyways, i have talked to her, apologized for just blocking her without saying anything and told her that we should still be friends but just not see or talk to each other as much as we used to and see how it goes.",0.6882,positive,lonely 2547,depressed,No one cares and not even my husband,speaker,1,I'm in denial my life is falling apart. I'm such a negative person. I'm not close to my family and I'm jealous my family is. I don't have friends. I recently married last month and my husband can't take mt own negativity that he even said go kill myself if I want. I don't have anyone to talk to about mt problems and he is the only one. But he's been scolding me.telling me this is my fault and he will help me only if I'm nice and not negative. But thwn I'd have to fake it. I feel so lost. I feel like no one cares. I've been crying for days. I want to die but i'm afraid of the pain. I wanna do drugs but i'm nercous entering a store to get them. I might as well live a life with no meaning but whatsa the point.,-0.9817,negative,ashamed 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,speaker,1,Writing my letter tonight,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,listener_1,2,"I understand you, friend. I've been feeling the same lately. Maybe consider holding on a little longer, things might change. I hope you will get better and change your mind and stay with us",0.8591,positive,suggesting 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,speaker,3,What if I’m not meant to stay,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,listener_2,4,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,listener_3,5,You are meant to stay. Everyone is. Don’t die because you feel out of place. Never commit suicide. It’s never worth it. Your life is worth just as much as everyone’s is. Please don’t do it. And if not for yourself. Do it for me. I’m asking you to not go. Stay here,0.0864,positive,faithful 2548,depressed,Feeling hopeless and suicidal,listener_4,6,Please copy this answer for others on future similar posts. It is very good.,0.6697,positive,neutral 2549,depressed,Anafranil or clomipramine,speaker,1,I’ve recently started this medication for body focused repetitive behaviour and anxiety/depression in combination with escitalopram (Lexamil). Does anyone have experience with this medication and would be willing to share if it helped at all?,0.4215,positive,questioning 2549,depressed,Anafranil or clomipramine,listener_1,2,"I was on 100 mg per day of clomipramine on its own for anxiety and OCD. It worked well to reduce anxiety and OCD. The side effects were too debilitating so I decided to come off it. It took me 6 months of ""hell"" to come off it with the withdrawal symptoms continuously recurring.",-0.7003,negative,devastated 2549,depressed,Anafranil or clomipramine,speaker,3,"If I may ask, what were the side effects for you?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2549,depressed,Anafranil or clomipramine,listener_1,4,"I should note I was on 50 mg per day then increased to 100 per day as per instruction of my psychologist. At both doses I experienced dry mouth which started to have an adverse effect on my gums and teeth. At both doses i experienced constipation and loss of libido and drowsiness. At 100mg per day I experienced complete loss of libido and sexual function, chronic constipation, and I would be sleeping four or five hours in the day after already sleeping at night. My mental sharpness was completely gone and I felt I was dreaming half the time. My eyes took longer than normal to focus. The withdrawal was worse than the side effects and I got withdrawal every time I missed a dose or reduced it even by a small amount. The withdrawal symptoms were brain zaps, palpitations,nausea, vomitting, weak legs, dizziness, dry mouth. After 9 months off it I feel ok but I am still getting dry mouth. The brain zaps lasted for months. I don't know if everyone gets such withdrawal symptoms but I know they are more common than some doctors will say. Still, it helped me out when I first took it. I wouldn't take it again unless I couldn't function without it. I'd also be wary of a high dosage.",-0.6369,negative,ashamed 2549,depressed,Anafranil or clomipramine,speaker,5,Thanks for taking the time to respond. From experience I don’t need incredibly high dosages so that won’t be an issue. It’s only been about 1 and a half weeks so I’ll see what happens over the next month. Thanks again!,0.7263,positive,wishing 2550,depressed,I really need some life advice or help,speaker,1,"I don't know what I'm asking for from this post i think it's advice or help... I'm just ranting for the first time since this has begun. In over a year I've gotten a drop in college and despite my best efforts I think I'm going to flunk again. My best friends, people who I used to depend on and share my problems with have all just ghosted me without any explanation. I don't use any social media unless Reddit counts. I can't find myself to be productive at all no matter how hard I try... I can't get myself to do anything. I'm not at all focused and my mom just seems to be adding to it with something every single day no matter how small... My mind is so messed up that my hair are turning grey and I'm just 20M and I don't really see any of this becoming better... Please forgive any errors or whatsoever. This is my first post ever and also on mobile. TLDR... Ghosted by my friends and in a slump after failing and family makes it worse.",-0.3218,negative,devastated 2550,depressed,I really need some life advice or help,listener_1,2,"All of my friends ghosted me too, especially one when I needed her the most. I understand where you’re coming from.",0.4767,positive,agreeing 2550,depressed,I really need some life advice or help,speaker,3,"I'm so sorry to hear that. If I may ask, how did u deal with it?",-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 2550,depressed,I really need some life advice or help,listener_1,4,"I’m going through it right now. It’s lonely as fuck, I don’t really feel like my life has much meaning to it right now. I’m filled with doubt.",-0.6929,negative,lonely 2550,depressed,I really need some life advice or help,speaker,5,I totally get you.. each day just takes a strain and I don't see any way out,-0.0516,negative,agreeing 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,speaker,1,"so it's been over 4 years and I still love her, sucks to live",0.4019,positive,sad 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_1,2,Going strong i see.,0.5106,positive,acknowledging 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_2,3,"Yeah getting everything out is good for the mind. Sometimes thoughts/emotions just build up in there and show itself as an emotional outburst but talking about it can add a lot of objectivity to things. If OP can't talk to his/her ex, than talking to someone close/a therapist about it is good also. And if (s)he can't do that than write it down or say it out loud. You need to see what you're saying to yourself in the light of reality.",0.7717,positive,agreeing 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_3,4,"So messaging them really helps? I broke up with my ex and I'm also not over him, he was my everything seriously. It hasn't been that long tho, so not sure if I should wait?",-0.5379,negative,suggesting 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_4,5,"Absolutely hit the nail on the head dude. Me and my ex were together 8 years. Spent the better part of a year after the break up all fucked up, my life all over the place. Mustered the courage to have a conversation with her and 'clear the air'. Helped me realise that our time had passed and that I could move on. Brilliant advice.",0.7964,positive,trusting 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_4,6,"Absolutely hit the nail on the head dude. Me and my ex were together 8 years. Spent the better part of a year after the break up all fucked up, my life all over the place. Mustered the courage to have a conversation with her and 'clear the air'. Helped me realise that our time had passed and that I could move on. Brilliant advice.",0.7964,positive,trusting 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_5,7,There is nothing to wait for. If you feel this strongly... take a chance and make contact.,0.5228,positive,hopeful 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_6,8,"Don't message them just for the sole purpose of talking to them. I only messaged them cause there was a lot I needed to get off my chest and they were the only person I could talk to that would fix how I felt. We talked, caught up with one another and its been about 6 months since we talked so don't try to latch onto the thought of them or having their company. I say message them if you have any unfinished business and then once you're content, leave it the way it is.",-0.0516,negative,trusting 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_3,9,"I honestly still can't figure why I want to message him. We had a lot of issues we were planning on resolving and talking about, then I went MIA on him because of my insecure ass. Now, I feel like I want to tell him the full story, try again but then I don't know if I want to try again and explain myself or if I just want to clear things up and try and move on.",0.6166,positive,ashamed 2551,depressed,Its been 4 years and she's still the one,listener_6,10,"It's better to clear everything up. That's the only reason I messaged her. All I wanted was closure and I got what I needed so I would say take some time to think about it, figure out what you really want and shoot your shot. Just tell him what you need to and see where it goes from there",0.5314,positive,trusting 2552,depressed,Depressed about dating,speaker,1,I'm a short male and we get a lot of shit for our height when it comes to dating I don't blame girls for not being attracted to me I get told I have a good face but then when I mention my height its an instant turn off tinder has killed me I'm still a virgin and recently I got told I'm cute but too short and it's making me feel pathetic I feel like I'm gonna die alone.,-0.9371,negative,ashamed 2552,depressed,Depressed about dating,listener_1,2,There is someon eout there for you. You juat gotta find her. But she will come to you in due time.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2552,depressed,Depressed about dating,speaker,3,Thanks I hope so its kinda hard to keep hope with online dating,0.8089,positive,encouraging 2552,depressed,Depressed about dating,listener_2,4,That’s the thing bro. Your hopes should never be high in the first place when it comes to online dating. Be patient and don’t limit yourself to tinder. It’s always sucked for the majority of guys that arnt above an 8.,-0.0516,negative,hopeful 2552,depressed,Depressed about dating,listener_2,5,That’s the thing bro. Your hopes should never be high in the first place when it comes to online dating. Be patient and don’t limit yourself to tinder. It’s always sucked for the majority of guys that arnt above an 8.,-0.0516,negative,hopeful 2553,depressed,I miss her ...,speaker,1,So hey its my first post ever While i was in vacation i get a text from my girlfriend...you already know where this is going ...it was a 2 years relationship when i was with her i was happy and she helped me a lot with my mental issues i cry every i dont want to hurt myself ...i just miss her so much i want to die ...really i want to disappear ...even for a minute I want her back... I need her back... And im french so if its not good or anything im sorry i want you to have a perfect day ...do it for me ...be happy today ...please,0.7572,positive,sentimental 2553,depressed,I miss her ...,listener_1,2,"First off, all is okay. It will be okay, and you will get through this. I'm sorry your heart has been ripped open, and the bleeding seems like it may never end. I'm not sure how I can help, but maybe sharing my own story will help you along. &#x200B; I was with this girl for 3 years, I have always had problems with being happy in life (i tend to self-sabotage because the anxiety of being happy can be too much, but it is something I work on every day) so I was always the one insecure with how I had such a beautiful girl who was so smart to want to be with me. The problems began when i didn't feel accepted by her friend group. They would always be texting each other (and most of them were guys, one of which were rrefer to her as 'babe' which always got under my skin). She had a hard time expressing how she felt and I could never believe when she did. I always was putting myself on defense. She would put me down, when she would get defensive and this led to me talking to other girls. I never had sex with them, but it was an outlet so I could feel better about myself. We eventually got through these issues and fell very much in love. However, time passed on, and I became busier than ever, when her life had slowed down to the point of really not having any obligations. We were deeply in love but the wedge already was in place. I eventually thought I'd be happier without her and broke it off. A week later she got drunk with her friends and was raped by one of them. I couldn't leave her alone. I was trying to better myself but I loved her so much I didn't want her to be in the inevitable suffering that comes from that. We eventually got in a very unusual cycle of basically being in a relationship without it being official. I was very unssure of what I wanted. I wanted to comfort her but I also wanted to see what I wanted. Stupidly, I began sleeping with another girl. Months go by, the love of my life steps out of my life (rightfully so). That was 9 months ago. Right before this, I had cut off all contact with the other girl I had began hooking up with. &#x200B; ( months later, I wake up every day hoping she'll give me another chance. She moved across the country for school, and I can't get over her. She periodically tells me that we still have a chance but she needs to invest in herself right now. Which I get. &#x200B; All of this combined, I hate myself for doing all the wrong things I did. Absolutely hate myself. I blame myself for her being raped because I shouldn't have broken up with her in the first place. Now, she's across the country (America) and I'm tortured by thoughts, all of them. &#x200B; I'm only saying this so you know that you aren't alone. People aren't perfect and we should treat them as such. One thing that helps me, is that if she doesn't want to be with you, why would you want to be with her? Don't try to force getting back together, that'll only make it worse. Best of luck. Feel free to reach out.",0.9943,positive,caring 2553,depressed,I miss her ...,speaker,3,WoW just wow thanks for sharing its not easy to say thing like this to random people and ...its more complicated that its seems Well...i want to be with her ...and she love me and want to be with me too...and i dont understand why we can’t ...she just say that she dont want to be with someone she want to be « free » but she still love me and want to be with me my mind is a nightmare ...but thanks ...really its must be hard to share that i really appreciate ...best of luck for you too,0.9908,positive,neutral 2553,depressed,I miss her ...,speaker,4,I’ll pray for you i really wish the best and im sad for you you got all my support be happy for me please you got kids they love you so much im sure so please be happy,0.9819,positive,consoling 2554,depressed,Need help on how to be a friend,speaker,1,"am a woman in my 30s and I have a person that I care about who is a male around the same age. He recently told me that he was suffering with a deep depression. I have texted him to check on him twice, one time telling him I missed him, and his responses weren’t rude necessarily but read short and cold. He was nothing but nice the one time I ran into him. Am I doing something wrong? I know he cares about me too.",-0.7934,negative,trusting 2554,depressed,Need help on how to be a friend,listener_1,2,He probably thinks you hate him in my experience.,-0.5719,negative,agreeing 2554,depressed,Need help on how to be a friend,speaker,3,Why would he think that?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2554,depressed,Need help on how to be a friend,listener_1,4,Depressed people don't think clearly. Often it is the amygdala running will making you paranoid. Additionally he hates himself so it would only be logical to him that you hate him too.,-0.921,negative,anxious 2555,depressed,My Life Is pretty fucked up,speaker,1," I dont want to take much of your time. My three year girlfriend cheated me with my best friend form childhood. My other friends have kind of left me. Dad divorced, married again with different peopleand again going to divorce. I am hated by my family and i am considered a freak on school. I am scared that one day I get tired and just kill myself. I just waste oxygen. The few things that I once loved and enjoyed are gone. Nothing exited me anymore. I have lost faith in love and friendship. The only thing that keeps me alive is the thought of my 2 year old brother. What the fuck should I do with my existence",0.1225,positive,sad 2555,depressed,My Life Is pretty fucked up,listener_1,2,"Be there for your brother, keep that as motivation. Just don’t take your life, I know that’s the pot calling the kettle black but I sometimes try to find meaning and still am. My girlfriend of two years left me because of my mental illness I had a breakdown and still battling with myself and my inner demons. But I’m trying to find meaning, Try to do something that’ll make you happy, if spending time with your little brother makes you happy then do it and spend more time with him. You are loved here just don’t give up just yet I’m here for you",0.9178,positive,caring 2555,depressed,My Life Is pretty fucked up,speaker,3,"Thank you form taking the time,this means a lot to me. Also,thanks form the advice bro. Thank you a lot",0.6124,positive,grateful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,speaker,1,I wanna die,-0.5994,negative,sad 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_1,2,Same.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_2,3,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_3,4,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_4,5,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_5,6,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_6,7,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_7,8,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_8,9,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_9,10,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_10,11,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_11,12,I don't,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_12,13,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_13,14,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_14,15,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_15,16,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_16,17,No I want to die,-0.7447,negative,afraid 2556,depressed,I wanna die,listener_17,18,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 2557,depressed,"I gave up a long time ago, don’t fucking care if I die.",speaker,1,I honestly don’t know how to say this. I am giving up on this life. I have an amazing job. I have a GF of years but I am super fucking depressed. I constantly fight with people and dare them to kill me but they just back off immediately. I even went so far has to going to the most dangerous places/neighborhoods in my country. The whole idea behind that is to get myself robbed and killed but somehow they(gangsters & drug addicts) just look at me and walk away calling me crazy and psycho in the process. My family doesn’t understand what I am going through and always say I must stop but I gave up a long time ago. I have no fear for anyone or anything. If this feeling doesn’t go away soon I will have no choice but to do the unthinkable. I hate this fucking planet.,-0.981,negative,devastated 2557,depressed,"I gave up a long time ago, don’t fucking care if I die.",listener_1,2,just remember that at least you have a job and gf instead of neither..,0.0,neutral,neutral 2558,depressed,"I'm sick and feeling depressed, this song sums up the experience",speaker,1, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHMig1AdXks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HHMig1AdXks) This is a famous band and the song was posted 7 years ago. Yet it only has 340 views. I'm very surprised about that. But listen to it if you're feeling depressed. It is a very good song.,0.3707,positive,surprised 2558,depressed,"I'm sick and feeling depressed, this song sums up the experience",listener_1,2,"i mean this one video only has that many views the song has plenty, its wilco - sunken treasure",0.4767,positive,neutral 2558,depressed,"I'm sick and feeling depressed, this song sums up the experience",speaker,3,Awesome glad you liked it.,0.872,positive,acknowledging 2559,depressed,stuck,speaker,1,"i've never planned to commit suicide but i do think about it a lot. how nice it would be to just not exist anymore. i say i wanna die to a lot of people every single day, they think it's a joke, deep down i really mean it everything feels so fucking pointless, i dont understand why i try anymore but i can never bring myself to even think about planning it. only thing keeping me back is that when i die, i know my mom will too",-0.8553,negative,neutral 2559,depressed,stuck,listener_1,2,"Keep strong please! Think about your mother and your future,I feel the damn same most of the time but there's so much to soilder on for",0.3054,positive,neutral 2559,depressed,stuck,speaker,3,"I'm trying. I really dont think I would commit suicide but the fact that I think about it pretty often concerns me, bc i worry that one day I will just snap. but for now, I'm adjusting. thanks for your concern. i really appreciate it, helps a lot",0.8987,positive,acknowledging 2559,depressed,stuck,listener_1,4,"I'm the same dude I think about it alot and it scares me that I might act on my impulse but we all think bad things,none of us are alone:)",-0.8381,negative,terrified 2559,depressed,stuck,speaker,5,"that's true, you're right. thank you :)",0.8074,positive,agreeing 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",speaker,1,"Going through a bit of a rough time lately... My significant other and I had a heated discussion last night where at one point they stated ""Well what do you have to be sad about?! You have a home, a good job, friends, family, and money..."". I was shocked, hurt, and my mind just shut down. I thought they understood what I was going through. I couldn't believe someone I love just said those words to me... Have any of y'all had this happen before? What did you do? How did you react/what did you say? Just looking for some advice. Thank you.",0.8423,positive,surprised 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",listener_1,2,"I’ve been there before and I’ve always explained that depression spares no one. You can have Nice things and Hood people around you but those things have little to no factor when depression kicks in. Depression isn’t defined by the problems you face on a daily basis or your succes, your money or your popularity, just look at all the celebrities with wealth, good jobs and families who still face depression every day. And that’s because depression goes deeper than that.",-0.9508,negative,jealous 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",speaker,3,"Thank you for your advice! I know others have been here, it's just nice to actually hear it. But I'm also sorry to hear you've been here... I think I maybe got them to understand this part. I definitely used some of what you said . Thank you! I think it might have helped click.",0.8619,positive,sympathizing 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",speaker,4,Thank you so much for your advice! I read your words earlier in the day and thought they were perfect. I tried them last night. My SO didn't get it... They say they understand what depression is but then that they feel like I use it as an excuse. Like how can I just be sad? They don't logically understand how there is no reason...,0.2598,positive,grateful 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",speaker,5,Thank you for your advice! I talked with my SO last night and it's almost like he doesn't believe any of this. They say they can't understand if they've never been through it... I don't know how to help them understand then...,0.7717,positive,grateful 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",listener_1,6,You’re very welcome! You got this!,0.5963,positive,wishing 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",speaker,7,"Thank you! that's actually a great way to explain it. I'll try to throw this in sometime, hopefully it helps.",0.9041,positive,encouraging 2560,depressed,"How to deal when someone asks ""What do you have to be sad about?""...",listener_2,8,"I never thought I’d be one to give advice, but behold—. I reply because of your user handle reminded me of a post I wrote this morning at 5 am in this same subreddit.",0.0,neutral,surprised 2561,depressed,Does anyone else get a warm feeling whenever the get depressed,speaker,1,Like you get a feeling of being in your normal state. Like to day in the morning I was do great but then in school in starting to go down hill and by the time it was lunch time I had a warm feeling. Like I just got something nostalgic. It is really hard to describe. It just is warm like you know where you are.,0.935,positive,sentimental 2561,depressed,Does anyone else get a warm feeling whenever the get depressed,listener_1,2,"It makes me feel like I'm at home; the only true home I've ever had. depression has sheltered me, loved me, and held on to me so tightly unlike anything or anyone else for most of my time on this earth, and I've just recently come to accept it as a part of me, that if i was to go without, I would not be myself. i feel nothing when I'm ""happy"" anymore. I just get anxiety wondering what's going to send me spiraling back down, but that spiral feels comforting, because I've become so accustomed to it, that it nurtures me. it's the loving mother of my emotions, if that makes sense?",0.9428,positive,content 2561,depressed,Does anyone else get a warm feeling whenever the get depressed,speaker,3,Yes it does make sense. This is a perfect description of the feeling.,0.7845,positive,agreeing 2562,depressed,I don’t know the lesson behind this pain,speaker,1,"This sadness. Questioning my purpose. My destiny. My life and entire being. A life of loneliness, and depression. Is that it? A misunderstood, hated girl remembered for her mistakes and misunderstandings. Is that all to the life I was given? Is there hope?’is there happiness? Where is my angel, why was I left here all alone? Where is god? Does he see me? Does he hear me?",-0.9447,negative,sad 2562,depressed,I don’t know the lesson behind this pain,listener_1,2,God fucked us all,-0.5106,negative,devastated 2562,depressed,I don’t know the lesson behind this pain,listener_2,3,Amen,0.0,neutral,grateful 2562,depressed,I don’t know the lesson behind this pain,listener_3,4,I hate this life to the point I don’t even want it if suicide wasn’t forbidden i would’ve killed myself already,-0.9451,negative,sad 2563,depressed,How do you guys confront the sense of worthlessness?,speaker,1,As the title says.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2563,depressed,How do you guys confront the sense of worthlessness?,listener_1,2,"I have not done this myself but a lot if people have suggested getting a pet dog or cat. So you feel worthless, but to your pet you are everything and they love you.",0.3725,positive,neutral 2563,depressed,How do you guys confront the sense of worthlessness?,listener_2,3,And I love them so much. I have 2 dogs. They are the only children I'll ever have 😢. They are my world since my bf of 4 years dumped me by Instagram message while i was on my period for someone fatter than me. The lead singer of the band he's in. I'm just holding on by a thread. 😢,-0.5719,negative,caring 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,speaker,1,"I tend to hold back my emotions from others, but once I get alone in my car and jam to some music. Some lyrics will just trigger those emotions and I'll just scream and cry the lyrics as I'm driving down the road. If it's bad enough I'll pull over but the simple action of just driving eventually just soothes me.",-0.9428,negative,sentimental 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,listener_1,2,"I totally have but at least in my case it’s not safe to drive in that state, I’m less attentive to the road and other cars around me and could care less whether I live or die. I’d recommend you pull over when your feelings are this intense. Please stay safe ❤️",0.7546,positive,agreeing 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,speaker,3,Fair point. It probably isn't safe for me either. Thank you<3,0.3387,positive,agreeing 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,listener_2,4,"She maybe hates sad stuff but i don't think that she hates your sad stuff tho if she cares about you, she would love to hear about YOUR sad stuff, right?",-0.6542,negative,suggesting 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,listener_3,5,Most of the time when I work up the courage to open up about how I'm feeling to her she grabs her phone and will be on Fb or will give me quick yes or no and I just wont want to share anymore because I feel like she doesn't want to listen. Sucks,0.4344,positive,annoyed 2564,depressed,Do you ever just have a mental breakdown while driving?,speaker,6,"Get out, it doesn't get better. Dealt with that for a few years, god awful.",-0.5116,negative,consoling 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,speaker,1,"I’m young. 16. But I’ve been depressed as long as I can remember. I don’t see a point in trying anymore because I feel like I’m annoying everyone I talk to. I get low grades, and my parents are disappointed with me because I use to be really intelligent. It feels like I’m stuck in the same day, that’s repeating over and over again. And I’m never going to be happy. It doesn’t seem possible. 2 of my cats died this year, and I really really loved them. And my dog passed away 1yr ago. I’m an extreme loner and I don’t have any friends. But when I do they always seem to take advantage of my mental illnesses and use me. Because of this I have extreme trust issues and I am extremely tough starved. I haven’t been hugged or shown any affection for months. It just seems like I’m worthless at this point. And I’m going to die a failure.",-0.7105,negative,sad 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,listener_1,2,"please, as a fellow 16 year old, hmu. I'm here for you.",0.3182,positive,agreeing 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,speaker,4,"Thank you, it means a lot to me",0.3612,positive,grateful 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,listener_2,5,Hey mate if we made it to 17 and are still depressed then you can as well. Life doesn't get better until you get as low as you need to be. Right now it's not what point but remember at the death of every darkness theres a morning and a new day. Keep going mate and well done for speaking out on here x,-0.8423,negative,consoling 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,speaker,6,"Thank you, I’m so sorry for your loss. It is really tough When you lost an animal. They’re like family, and they really bring special meaning to your life. I understand the feeling. All you can do is know that you gave them a great life. A lot of people don’t. My sister brought in a cat when she wasn’t supposed to, and my whole family was mad at her because we had to take care of the cat, when she was living somewhere else because she couldn’t keep her in that dorm. The cats name was saphy. She was old, fat, grumpy, lovable, cuddly, and had the strangest meow. After a while we all fell in love with her. She would sit on your lap and had the loudest purr in the world. She didn’t like my other cat zues, but after a year she would sit next to him and not be *as* annoyed. She was an amazing cat. My dad was the one that didn’t want her the most, but she took advantage of the fact that he loves cats and would sit next to him while he played his videogames, and would purr so loudly. We didn’t even have her for 2 years. After a while, she started to become sick. She threw up a lot, she hid in corners. We wanted it to just be a cold so badly. We took her to the vet but they didn’t find anything wrong. After a month or so of her being sick, and giving her cold medicine, nothing had changed. infact, she was getting worse. So we took her to the vet again. They figured it was something wrong with her intestines, and they gave the option to do surgery. And we loved that cat so much. We weren’t going to go down without a fight. The surgery was a success at first. She was getting better by the day and they removed the tumors in her intestines. She was planned to come home the next day. Then night came. At 4am my dad woke me up crying. He was on the phone with my mom and sister. He told me to say goodbye to saphy. The surgery failed. And her intestines were leaking. My dad isn’t the type to cry at all. I’ve never seen him this devastated. I said goodbye between my sobs, looking at This cat I absolutely loved. She looked at me through the FaceTime call, and a minute later, the call ended. She was dead. My other cat was old, she was 19, and we knew she was going to die. I loved her so much too. I just knew that it was her time. It was the same with my dog. I wish I could go back in time and just hug them. Because they always cared for me. They were loveable and sweet animals. And I wish I could’ve seen that when they were alive.",0.9232,positive,caring 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,listener_3,7,"I just wish cats could live as long as humans, untill we die. Then I might somehow have some comfort with knowing they're not just gonna get Ill and die. What is confusing is that lily is the one that has been ill for a while and she also went blind but she's back to normal. We worry for her and are scared that one day she'll be gone too. Poppy had no problems and it's weird the fact she wasn't the oldest. It's great to talk to someone who I know has been through similar things.",-0.7659,negative,jealous 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,speaker,8,"I hope things go well! I’m really sorry that happened. And I wish they did aswell, it’s the hardest part about having pets.",0.7506,positive,sympathizing 2565,depressed,I feel like my life is falling apart.,listener_3,9,"I hope things go well for you too, here's one key part: Stay brave!",0.8268,positive,encouraging 2566,depressed,I can feel it,speaker,1,Today is a really bad day i feel so bad i trew up and i just realise that when im depressed i can feel it in my whole body i can feel the hole in my heart ...my head hurt and my body too....,-0.8953,negative,sad 2566,depressed,I can feel it,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way, I just lost my girlfriend of 2 years and my head hurts all the time. Dealing with a heart ache and having depression is just too much to deal with. But I’m trying to live, you should try and find out what is making you feel so down and go do something fun with friends or family or just talk it out with a close friend",0.8922,positive,sad 2566,depressed,I can feel it,speaker,3,Im with family for the week end and ...its weird but we have the same problem i also lost my girlfriend of 2 year i know that feeling and if you need to talk im here,-0.7269,negative,agreeing 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,speaker,1,"The girl I'm in love with has moved on and I just dont know how to handle this. I'm almost 20 and I feel like a fucking idiot. She's also my best friend. Every waking moment of the past 2 years, I thought about her, the first thing I did in the morning was check for her messages and the last thing was say good night I love you. And now I can't say it anymore. I know I'll probably move on but I feel like someone just ripped out my heart, as corny as that sounds. I feel like I'm at the lowest point of my life. I can't see her with someone else and it kills me because I feel like I wasn't good enough, like there's something I could've done better. I try to always be watching something or listening to music because it's scary to be alone with my thoughts and I know I'll end up crying and thinking about it for hours. I care about her more than I've ever cared about anyone else, I had dreams of one day living in our house together and spending the rest of our lives together and it's all come crashing down, it kills me that she can't feel the same way for me. I'm not suicidal or anything but I kinda just want to die, it would be better than dealing with this.",0.9331,positive,devastated 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,listener_1,2,"fuck. this is exactly how i felt this year march. it was a pain to do anything. i had stopped doing anything at that point to stop myself from even being reminded of her, cause everything i did then, it was for or with her or was talking to her while doing it, so it felt so empty and crazy when she wasn't there. its stupid to look back. after all i went through for her, she did nothing. left me, in the cold dark place. Luckily i had some of my friends to help me get through it. so my advice to you would be to stick with your friends who you could trust this type of information with, and if you dont have any of that sort, i'm always available to message.",0.5181,positive,lonely 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,speaker,3,It's weird how much every other thing I see reminds me of her. I can't get her out of my head. How are you now? Do you still get sad?,-0.6322,negative,sentimental 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,listener_1,4,"I dont really feel anything at this point. 8 months. It took me 8 months to get used to this feeling. I got so good at it that every time i see her i cant even remember anything happening between us. All i want to do is just say ""hi"" and just be on my way. Its weird how much time can make you forget.",0.4707,positive,lonely 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,speaker,5,This gives me some hope. Thank you man. It's gonna take a while to get over someone I love this much.,0.8625,positive,grateful 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,listener_1,6,It talkes a lot of time and a lot of courage to get through this and to even trying to just get on with life knowing a part that you needed is missing that allows you to function.,0.25,positive,neutral 2567,depressed,I feel hollow,speaker,7,"Goddamn bro. Don't give up on love, you'll be surprised. But I know what you mean. I see her smile every time I close my eyes and it just puts me right back in that place. Thanks a lot for sharing it helps talking to people going through the same thing.",0.9274,positive,agreeing 2568,depressed,"Help for my Mom who had ankle fusion/reconstruction surgery, and feels like she will never get better",speaker,1,"Hi everyone, this is my first post on here and typically I do not even think about asking for help on the internet from strangers. But, this circumstance is to grave to go unnoticed, and I thought that any information or help would be appreciated. Now the story, my mom who is almost 60, was capable of doing everything in life and was a very independent person, until about a year ago, where she had to have ankle reconstruction surgery, arthroscopic surgery, and was on an antibiotic ""pick"" line when she developed an infection at the wound site. She didn't fall, didn't sprain the ankle, this injury came about very slowly and when she got x-rays done, she had to have an ankle reconstruction. There are more details, but this is already lengthy and I'll just get right into it. My Mom has been almost bed ridden for 5 months now, and before that she had to walk with a cane and a limp. She feels like she will never get better or progress in recovery, and this has led her down into a deep depressed state of mind. Additionally, I asked her if she has thought of doing ""something serious"" about this pain and suffering (suicide) and she said that it would only be a burden on the family and ruin the lives of the people around her. This sparked me to write this post to ask for any advice I can get to try and help her. She has been so limited and bed ridden for so long, and her whole life has been at a stand still for nearly a year now. In conclusion, I am just asking for advice from you all on how I can help her, get help, or find something else for her to bring up her spirits/hope. My parents and my family are my life and I hate to see anyone of them become depressed or end up in a tragic situation. &#x200B; Thank You",-0.9812,negative,trusting 2568,depressed,"Help for my Mom who had ankle fusion/reconstruction surgery, and feels like she will never get better",listener_1,2,"For now i'd say stay with her and try to cheer her up. The people who fall into deep depression are people who have no support or guidance when they really need it so they get lost in this big journey to getting better. As you are there with her, try and make her lauch and cheer her up. Play a few games with her and maybe let her win and such. Board and card games are really fun to play. Maybe learn a few quick magic tricks and show her a couple. There are a few easy ones to remember. Talk to her about your day and keep her company. Make her feel confortable where she is and appreciate what she has accomplished through out the years. Maybe get her to tell a few stories about ""back in my day"".",0.9658,positive,suggesting 2568,depressed,"Help for my Mom who had ankle fusion/reconstruction surgery, and feels like she will never get better",speaker,3,"I’m going to show her this comment of yours, as this is exactly how she feels. Your last line of how there’s life beyond your forsaken ankle is so true, and really hits the nail on the head. My mom has been so isolated from the world and puts all the blame on herself. Thank you again for writing this out, as I believe you and her’s situations are so similar.",0.184,positive,sentimental 2568,depressed,"Help for my Mom who had ankle fusion/reconstruction surgery, and feels like she will never get better",listener_2,4,I wish her a speedy recovery and if she ever needs someone to commiserate with... Teach her how to Reddit and hit me up.,0.4019,positive,wishing 2569,depressed,I’m so over all of this,speaker,1,Sums it up. ✌️,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2569,depressed,I’m so over all of this,listener_1,2,You cant be bothered with depression anymore?,-0.4094,negative,questioning 2569,depressed,I’m so over all of this,speaker,3,I’m over living is what I meant,0.0,neutral,sad 2569,depressed,I’m so over all of this,listener_1,4,Yeah. I dont see a point in living either but cant do anything cause family would be sad and the people i actually have will be sad too. So i'm living i guess.,-0.8271,negative,neutral 2569,depressed,I’m so over all of this,speaker,5,"Well I have Lyme disease undiagnosed. Feel sick all the time but still have to work. Have no money to treat it or to live off of, relationship problems, family is a joke, etc..",-0.1531,negative,ashamed 2570,depressed,I am an annoying person,speaker,1,"Whenever I text people, they always give me one word replies. Whenever I use Snapchat, people just box me or never respond. I always try not to talk too much, but I feel like it's not helping. I don't really have friends, and I'm trying really hard to step out of my comfort zone and talk to new people. I think they hate me though. The people I used to be friends with would be spammed with messages from me. Because of that, they all stopped talking to me cause they got sick of me. Do I have a problem? And how can I stop annoying people all the time?",-0.9611,negative,lonely 2570,depressed,I am an annoying person,listener_1,2,"Its not that you have a problem, its that you haven't met the right people to be friends with yet. I used to be a very talkative person. Anyway, you can message me if you wanna talk.",0.1027,positive,neutral 2570,depressed,I am an annoying person,listener_2,3,Agreed,0.2732,positive,agreeing 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,1,Tomorrow is gonna be better . I promise :),0.802,positive,consoling 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_1,2,"Tomorrow is college. I have a test. I have to sit bext to the people who i have lost. Tomorrow i have to see them, enjoy their life while i am there sobbing. Better does not even come close to any of this.",0.29600000000000004,positive,sad 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,3,"I had college today.I have no friends in college :( ...Try to remind yourself of what ur grateful for, recognize ur worth :) ..u may hate urself rn.u might b feeling like the world hates u ..Trust me . once u really start to understand who u r.. u dont need anyone else for u to be happy :) x.",0.8336,positive,lonely 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,4,hey come on . what they think dont matter .. luv urself ..its hard but just give it a try :),0.5808,positive,neutral 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,5,Monday is in d past now lol..tomorrow's Tuesday :),0.4588,positive,consoling 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,6,"tommorow will be better for everyone if u LIVE. :) I understand that you r going thru a lotta pain rn ..but we all have our own problems..Trust me,Life gets better if u try to make it better .dont let anything or anyone make u feel like ur not good enough .. :) x",0.9279,positive,consoling 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_2,7,Hello. I'm sorry if this sounds stupid. But I have heard that people have had good experiences from being on the carnivore diet. Look it up. Worth a try.,0.5927,positive,sympathizing 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,8,we'll c ;),0.2263,positive,encouraging 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,9,tommorrow is Tuesday :),0.4588,positive,excited 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,10,"""Tomorrow could be better"".. yes ur right.. if u do the right thing :)",0.8225,positive,agreeing 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,11, Dont give up ..dont let anything put u down .. these r tough times :) but tomorrow will get better x,0.6808,positive,consoling 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,12,just force urself to believe it lol :),0.7003,positive,neutral 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_3,13,"I posted this yesterday, when it was Sunday....",0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_4,14,Loving urself is hard and I don’t deserve to be loved by anyone but thx,0.7876,positive,sentimental 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_5,15,If this Is sarcasm It ain’t Funny. Tell them to put white flowers upon My Gravestone Tommorrow morning Okay.We have Math Class Tommorrow.Tuesday Is a Signed Death Sentence for us Kids.Shit Don’t Improve after Monday It only gets worse.Monday Is just the warm up to a slow steady Torture at the hands of Lord Voldemort My Math Teacher,-0.5267,negative,devastated 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,16,"but still ,, tomorrow will get better :)",0.8338,positive,consoling 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_6,17,As if i do anything “right”,0.0,neutral,trusting 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,speaker,18,ur much better than what u give urself credit for,0.6705,positive,neutral 2571,depressed,Hey u there!,listener_7,19,Wish it was that easy. Glad you think suicide is funny..,0.7184,positive,acknowledging 2572,depressed,Is it really worth it?,speaker,1,"I’m struggling in every aspect of my life... the only good part about my life is my dog... without him I can guarantee I would have attempted suicide already... he is my whole world... but everything else is going backwards... I can’t seem to move forward in accomplishing anything to better myself... I try and I work hard at goals and then my goals aren’t getting attained and so I’ve changed them and then they still aren’t getting attained... and I feel like the goals I have should be attainable... but I’m just not successful in achieving them... I feel like I would rather live in my car with my dog than move back in with my parents, but moving back in with my parents is realistically the only option for me... and I know they are only allowing it because they want to keep an eye on me... I just feel like I’m a waste of space... like I’m not going to amount to anything... I’m not important enough to anyone for it to be worth existing... with exceptions of my dog... I have been in this rut for a few days now and I can’t seem to get out...",0.7994,positive,devastated 2572,depressed,Is it really worth it?,listener_1,2,"The hardest part of these messages is not knowing what to say, and I'm there with this post. I urge you not to end it but that's your choice. Try to look at your goals again, find the steps on how to get there, if it's schooling or working to get money to have your goals happen, at the moment you have your dog that is your whole world, but one day it could be multiple doggies or a special someone. And you will be happy you made it. I hope this helps my guy. If you wanna hit me up I'm down to talk :) I hope you smile",0.9827,positive,sentimental 2572,depressed,Is it really worth it?,speaker,3,"My dog is my whole world, he’s the reason I haven’t done anything... I appreciate you making an effort in trying to say something helpful... I used to be the one responding to posts like this... so I know it’s hard.. but thanks for trying!",0.8147,positive,grateful 2572,depressed,Is it really worth it?,speaker,4,"Aww, you want me to stay in your life? Thanks. That helps... I’m trying not to rely on my dog... it’s hard though when there isn’t a whole lot of support elsewhere... my dog is the most supportive soul I have in my life... everyone else relies on me to be their support... but thanks for everything you’ve said!",0.8831,positive,neutral 2572,depressed,Is it really worth it?,listener_2,5,I get what you mean. Ever thought about getting more pets?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2573,depressed,I’m just so sick of my life!,speaker,1,"I’m tired of living, tired of struggling, tired of juggling, tired of fighting, tired of trying to make everyone else happy, tired of trying to change and just remaining the same, tired of others wanting to change me to what I will never be. I’m just so sick of my life!",-0.9762,negative,angry 2573,depressed,I’m just so sick of my life!,listener_1,2,what people want to change you into?,0.0772,positive,questioning 2573,depressed,I’m just so sick of my life!,speaker,3,Submissive,-0.3182,negative,faithful 2573,depressed,I’m just so sick of my life!,listener_1,4,Good amount of rudeness will fix that lol,0.4939,positive,annoyed 2574,depressed,Life sucks and I’m so over it,speaker,1,I’m fucking clueless at what to do nor how to cope with everything. My life is down on a fucking spiral and I just want to die at every waking moment.,-0.7501,negative,devastated 2574,depressed,Life sucks and I’m so over it,listener_1,2,"Hope you're okay, I feel this every second of everyday.",0.5859,positive,consoling 2574,depressed,Life sucks and I’m so over it,speaker,3,I feel you on that. My anxiety pushes me away from death when my depression constantly pushes me towards it. Its a constant battle in my brain and I’m so tired of it.,-0.9397,negative,agreeing 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",speaker,1,r/TheSafetyZone,0.0,neutral,afraid 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",listener_1,2,Awesome! I joined and I'll be lurking. I hope that it becomes a big wholesome thing!,0.7955,positive,encouraging 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",speaker,3,Thank you so much:) you do that lurking and I really hope so too!,0.6689,positive,encouraging 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",listener_1,4,"You know what? I've thinking about writing about some thoughts and questions about depression and that I've been chewing since a long time. So I'm going to cross post them in both subs and see what it comes from that. But later, cos writing in english (hablo español) is double work for me and I have to spend my energies wisely.",0.5719,positive,apprehensive 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",speaker,5,"That would be amazing to get things going there dude,I appreciate it and am looking forward to answering Haha good on you dude",0.9081,positive,acknowledging 2575,depressed,"If anyone is looking for somewhere to go when need be,I got a sub I'm trying to build to help out",speaker,6,"Thanks so much! Means a lot,I appreciate ya! See you around",0.7339,positive,acknowledging 2576,depressed,Addicted to eating,speaker,1,"Honestly I dont know if this is the right sub for this. anyways, I'm pretty depressed. I get alot less depressed when I binge eat ungodly amounts of food. over the past couple years it has really affected my health, but the thing is I dont know exactly how to resist, any advice?",-0.128,negative,questioning 2576,depressed,Addicted to eating,listener_1,2,"i have this same problem, the only thing ive come up with is to chew mint flavoured gum cause when you eat food after it tastes odd. probably wont help but anyway",-0.4817,negative,neutral 2576,depressed,Addicted to eating,speaker,3,it definitely affects your health. it may be in slight numbers but still.,0.2144,positive,agreeing 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_2,1,"I’m currently going into my fourth year of university and I hate it here so much. I recently made a promise to myself if I fucked up my last class after trying my hardest, I’d drop out. So low and behold grades came out and I did fuck up. The problem is is that the only thing I ever saw myself doing is not unattainable because my gpa is fucked beyond repair. I’m left working on a BS in a degree I think is useless with job prospects I could care less about. Not only have I lost 10+ pounds as an already tiny person (I haven’t been in the sub-100s since I was 12) for stress alone, but I can’t think of a damn reason to go back. I have no friends at university, (there was a whole roommate situation that had gotten out of hand), and I ruined my chances of being able to pursue the only thing I cared about pursuing and what all of my family on one of my parents’ side expects too. I can’t sleep and I can’t eat anymore and it’s gotten to a point where I’ve tried to make excuses to avoid going outside so I can cry and sleep in all day. School starts Monday, and many students already moved in, but as I mentioned before I hate my major and it’s abysmal job prospects. My only dream in life is now crushed and I have no reason to go back. I’m scared to tell my parents because when I said I hate it at my university they called me a stupid bum and told me that all of my cousins would go ahead and I’d be behind. I hate the stupid competition and I hate killing myself to get decent grades. I can’t and won’t go back, but I need help telling my parents. I can’t take time off because of loans as well as the school tries to prevent students from doing so.",-0.9959,negative,devastated 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,2,"forget about all the background noise. your family, gpa, all that. you already said you dont want to go back. then dont. NOTHING has been crushed. 0. nothing. your heart is still beating and you are still a free man. do what you desire and live the life you want to. forget about your old dreams. now you have to move on to new dreams.",0.5635,positive,questioning 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_2,3,"Screw new dreams, what’s the point. I’m heading back home from college and going to see if I could put off going back a bit longer.",0.3182,positive,apprehensive 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,4,"okay look at this way. no point in trying right? so there is no point in giving up either. if you feel like you've hit rock bottom, that's okay. because the only way to go from rock bottom, is up.",0.4654,positive,agreeing 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,listener_2,5,"No, there is a point in giving up. I’ve invested so much of myself and lost out on so many things. It’s useless to play catch up. My only regret is putting my parents in further debt for the amount of time I went as well as being a failed person.",-0.7783,negative,guilty 2576,depressed,Not sure what to do,speaker,6,"you're stubborn. But I dont think you should give up on your self. Be strong. get professional help and dont give up, not yet. try tomorrow. because tomorrow is always a different day. also. dont regret what you've done. you live in the present now, they keep your mind in the past. dont think about the far future, or far past, just think about what you can do NOW. also venting helps, any problems you got, just keep talking.",0.8749,positive,neutral 2577,depressed,3 AM CRYING OF DESPERATION IN A PARKBECH. I COULD USE SOME COMPANY. AMA,speaker,1,"For most of the year I've (M22) been dealing with another episode of depression, which come and go every three years for at least twelve years now. Other from the fact that I just broke up my three year relationship because I was so bad handling my feelings or lack thereof, my life ain't really that bad. Even though I have a relatively good life this thing inside my head won't let me feel any amount of happiness.",-0.5769,negative,content 2577,depressed,3 AM CRYING OF DESPERATION IN A PARKBECH. I COULD USE SOME COMPANY. AMA,listener_1,2,Why are you depressed?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 2577,depressed,3 AM CRYING OF DESPERATION IN A PARKBECH. I COULD USE SOME COMPANY. AMA,speaker,3,"It's clinical, I've had chronic depression that originated when I was bullied at school. Even though the bullying stopped the depression and bad habits that came with it stuck.",-0.9712,negative,sad 2577,depressed,3 AM CRYING OF DESPERATION IN A PARKBECH. I COULD USE SOME COMPANY. AMA,speaker,4,"I really tried, and I know that I can get out of this because I've been here before and have got out alive. But since everything came down so quickly I just feel lost and hopeless right now and I don't know what to do to get through this.",-0.7311,negative,devastated 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,1,I Never wanted to Live.I didn’t ask to be here.I know I’m not Special In My Opinion on Life.But Why am I here?People Have killed themselfs for less then What I’ve gone through.Yet I have no Desire To Do it Myself.I Wish I would be Suicidal so I can just End It all.I don’t value Life At all I Don’t Look to death in order to Fufill some Dream of Peace.I just Want to Stop This Pain In My chest.I Can’t live Like This.I don’t want Help I just want to be Gone,-0.906,negative,sad 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,listener_1,2,I feel you. My anxiety is holding me back from wanting death when my depression constantly pushing me towards it. Its like a battle in my brain that I constantly get tired of.,-0.9062,negative,sad 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,3,There are No Positives In My Life.Most of My Ability to laugh at any situation comes from the Reaction of hitting rock bottom over then over again.It’s not like I planned on becoming Negative.It’s just My life Is Just so God damn F*cked up.There are no Words To Explain what a mess I was Raised into,-0.4447,negative,disappointed 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,4,I don’t have Good Memories Or any Attachments to Anything.Some People Might Say I’m better off Than Others.Those people Never knew me In the First Place.I Never Trusted anyone to the degree that those people would Hold Power over me.I Don’t Value Life At all.If I can’t have Revenge I don’t have a Reason To Live simple as that. Everything Else Is Just a Distraction or an Utter Complete Waste of time,-0.3253,negative,trusting 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,5,(Fine I’ll Answer It Seriusly) 1.No I live with My Parents They are the Devils Incarnate 2.Nope Don’t have Friends 3.Music Anime Repeat 4.Yup,0.0516,positive,agreeing 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,6,1. I Live With The Lannisters I Mean My Family. What’s the Difference?(Got)☝️😒 2. In Order to Know Me People have to meet Certain Conditions Nobody around me Really Classify’s. I Don’t Want To be Eye Candy to people’s Ego’s. Then Pretend like I’m doing Fine When My World Is on Fire and Everybody Is out to kill Me.It’s not fun to Die alone in the Street.I prefer to have people there that Support me Through These hard rough times.I will do the same for them of course Provided I had Friends like that But I don’t☝️😎 3. Mostly I do Singing Piano Anime Painting Snapchat stories and Hentai (This why I don’t have Friends) Sometimes I work in some extra training (But Rarely though it’s like a Celestial Event) 4. How Did You know I watched Harry Potter? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 (I’m very Depressed and Needed to Crack a Few Jokes Okay),-0.9999,negative,faithful 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,7,I mean It’s The Intire Family Tree that Is the problem But I can’t Exactly talk about It Like This.But Trust me When I say I’m not Over reacting,0.7814,positive,trusting 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,listener_2,8,Yea I hear ya. How old are u? Can u move with other family?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2578,depressed,Why Can’t It be Easier for me to kill Myself?,speaker,9,I’m 18 And No I can’t do that Not Yet at least. My Family Tree Is the Problem.We have an overflow of Psychopaths over here.It needs to Be rectify’d.They Need to be ”Annihaleted” Wiped off From The Surface of the Planet then Forgotten From History God I am Surrounded by Psychopaths,-0.25,negative,annoyed 2579,depressed,How to find a better coping mechanism?,speaker,1,"I use to cope with my depression by playing video games with friends and reading but lately they're not doing anything for me. I've been sinking back pretty deep into my depression and whereas I don't have any desire to self harm or commit suicide, I don't feel like doing anything anymore. Everything is piling up too fast, I can keep up with anything, and I am burdening my loved ones. I need to find a new coping technique to drag myself up and out of this depression again. I know this is kind of an od question as it's different for everyone but I'm hoping for some suggestions on what helps everyone else.",-0.9378,negative,sad 2580,depressed,I don't think i can make it to my next happy period.,speaker,1,"I recently turned 15, but i didn't really enjoy my birthday. It just felt like some happy thoughts to distract me from my depression. I'm scared to open up to people, and it makes me feel like i'm putting on a persona when i'm with my family and friends. They have no idea what i'm going through on the inside. The only thing keeping me going at the moment is this girl i have a crush on, I get genuinely happy when i'm around her. I don't always feel so bad, and i'm scared that i wont become happy again before I commit suicide.",-0.9581,negative,ashamed 2580,depressed,I don't think i can make it to my next happy period.,listener_1,2,"I’m not sure what to say at this exact moment but if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you. I’m in a similar situation.",-0.1232,negative,sentimental 2580,depressed,I don't think i can make it to my next happy period.,speaker,3,I'm interested.,0.4019,positive,hopeful 2581,depressed,Feel too numb to cry...,speaker,1,"I cried for days after my relationship fell apart. I've not cried for the last few days and I was glad. I'm now back alone in my flat away from my family and I want to cry but can't. Feels like a sneeze that just won't come. Pressure behind my eyes is killing me. I keep thinking about him and getting emotional but nothing falls. I hate this. Music not touching me, sad videos just flash before my eyes not doing anything. I'm broken. I'm numb. I hate him. I miss him. I keep thinking what is he doing now, who is he with, is he with her? I'm trapped inside my head and it hurts my soul.",-0.9743,negative,lonely 2581,depressed,Feel too numb to cry...,listener_1,2,"yeah I feel this. I cant personally relate though, because despite all my years on earth, I've never been in love. but I can imagine what it's like. and the only existing cure is time. it will hurt like a motherfucker, but it will pass.",-0.7955,negative,neutral 2581,depressed,Feel too numb to cry...,speaker,3,"Pretty much like death. Going through grief and pain. Annoyingly I'm fed up with this pain, trying to ""speed up the process"" but I know I can't.",-0.6471,negative,sad 2581,depressed,Feel too numb to cry...,speaker,4,"Hardest part is everything that i do that makes me happy we did together. So it's hard. I'm gonna try new hobbies soon but not sure what I want to take up. I don't think I'm ready for someone new yet. Not because I think he'll come back, he won't, i won't let him, just too sensitive at the moment. Thank you",0.1538,positive,questioning 2582,depressed,I slowly see myself losing control,speaker,1,"So I’m 27 now and these past few years have been tough. I feel like I lack any real direction even though I’m about to graduate from law school. I have days where I’m beyond engaged and doing almost manic things (designing a new bag, starting a hot sauce company). The issue is I get like 50% done with those projects then it’s like I can’t do anything for days. I’ve been smoking marijuana regularly for the last 2 or 3 years as I live in a legal state. I’ve started seeing a counselor, but man my bad days are bad. I wouldn’t kill myself but it’s like all I can think about during those down days. The worst part of is I feel like I’m slowly developing all the bad habits my parents had that I now see are mental illnesses. I’m just treading water hoping one day I can get in the boat.",-0.9686,negative,disappointed 2582,depressed,I slowly see myself losing control,listener_1,2,"Are you only seeing a counselor, or are you also seeing a psychiatrist? My personal experience was that I needed to take psych meds to regain enough control of my behaviors for behavior modification and counseling to be effective. Congrats on being able to stick with school, that's a huge accomplishment! One last thing: please remember to tell whatever medical professional that you see about your manic periods as well as your depressive episodes. I spent many years thinking that being manic was how ""normal"" people felt because the only thing I had to compare it to was depression. For me, leaving out the manic periods when discussing my symptoms resulted in a years-long delay in being diagnosed properly.",0.5983,positive,trusting 2582,depressed,I slowly see myself losing control,speaker,3,"I’m just seeing a counselor through school. Honestly the only reason I’m even still in school is becomes it comes easy. My grades have really taken a dive and I honestly don’t think I’ve read for class since the end of 1st semester last year. I have to force myself to try and read, even then I end up spending an hour in my head going over some monologue that I’ll never deliver. I also feel, it felt until now, that my manic-ness was how normal people operate. my girlfriend is a huge help, but I’m worried that it’s one day going to be too much. I feel like I really don’t know who started the argument when we argue, I’ve got all kinds of doubts about my cognitive functioning and idk man, I feel lost. Thanks for your suggestion though, I do think a psychiatrist is my next step.",-0.2382,negative,ashamed 2582,depressed,I slowly see myself losing control,listener_1,4,"It's hard to concentrate if your'e having obsessive or intrusive thoughts and it is absolutely not a reflection of your intelligence. This is not a matter of willpower, it's a legitimate disease. I was at my absolute bottom when I was finally properly and effectively medicated and for me it was night and day. I wish you the best of luck :)",0.9479,positive,wishing 2582,depressed,I slowly see myself losing control,speaker,5,Thank you for saying that. Thank you.,0.6124,positive,wishing 2583,depressed,Sexual assault Survivor,speaker,1,So I have been sexually assaulted multiple times. I’ve chosen to report and I’ve not reported others. So I was wondering from other survivors why did you report or not report? And do you regret not reporting like I do?,-0.8257,negative,questioning 2583,depressed,Sexual assault Survivor,listener_1,2,Although there might be a few sexual assult survivors here i think you'd get a better response on r/SexualAbuseSurvivors... just a thought... anyway wish you all the best!,0.8777,positive,wishing 2583,depressed,Sexual assault Survivor,speaker,3,I regret not reporting it. I only reported one of them.,-0.4215,negative,guilty 2583,depressed,Sexual assault Survivor,listener_2,4,WHY?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2584,depressed,Im Lost,speaker,1,"I dont know what to do. Currently in my 3rd year of uni and I just feel stressed. I met my girlfriend at uni, she’s amazing, she’s more then anything I could ever imagine. I recently started my third year (so my dissertation) and the pressure from that alone has overwhelmed me, then I’ve found out my girlfriend has been taking to her ex behind my back and been trying to hide it from me. At this same time last year I also lost someone who I felt quite close too due to suicide and it does just feel like nothing is going right for me. At the moment I’m trying to just drink to be able to handle everything.",-0.765,negative,devastated 2584,depressed,Im Lost,speaker,2,"I’m sorry for posting this, I know a lot of people are in a worse position than me and i honestly do regret the feeling of feeling bad for myself but I just hope someone could give me some advice in any way.",0.25,positive,sympathizing 2584,depressed,Im Lost,listener_1,3,"Don't feel sorry for posting this, it doesn't matter if people are in worse positions as it doesn't make your pain less real, I've gone through something similar, just confront your girlfriend, and with the death, just do whatever feels right, you'll make it, I believe in you",-0.705,negative,sympathizing 2585,depressed,Got No One Too Talk Too All I Know Is Work And I Drink By Myself To Feel Something,speaker,1,I work hard and away from family. My significant other is very insecure and makes sure she gives me shit every day about being gone but if I stay home there won’t be enough money then she complains about that. I’m just gonna drink alone so I can feel something in this shitty hotel room,-0.9357,negative,lonely 2585,depressed,Got No One Too Talk Too All I Know Is Work And I Drink By Myself To Feel Something,listener_1,2,Hang in there buddy,0.0,neutral,consoling 2585,depressed,Got No One Too Talk Too All I Know Is Work And I Drink By Myself To Feel Something,speaker,3,I’ll get by today just it’s been a fucking struggle for a long time getting wore out,-0.3804,negative,hopeful 2586,depressed,I had a manic episode,speaker,1,"So my mental health seems to go in cycles, first my anxiety spikes for e few months, then I spend 2-3 weeks so incredibly depressed I often cant get out of bed or the house, then is finally culminates in a manic episode, where I have little to no control over my actions, and I cannot even eat. Well, today I had my manic episode, it started at 5pm this afternoon, when my hands began to shake, I paced around the house for two hours then decided to go for a bike ride, I rode around my local park berating myself and probably terrifying everyone who saw/heard me, eventually I called my best friend and she met me, talked me through everything and helped to calm me down. I have noticed that whenever I have an episode like this I cant sleep (its 3am), I just have to much energy and I needed somthing to do, so here you go internet!",0.2228,positive,terrified 2586,depressed,I had a manic episode,listener_1,2,"Oh man, I feel you. Just had a manic episode myself.",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2586,depressed,I had a manic episode,listener_2,3,"If you have manic episodes only, you might have bipolar or schizoaffective disorder, but well, what do I know? Better get yourself checked by a psychiatrist to be sure, and to get help",0.9032,positive,suggesting 2586,depressed,I had a manic episode,listener_3,4,"I don't think it's anything like that cuz it's not consistent, like I started getting very short manic episodes that lasted a couple hours several days in like two weeks, and that was 6 months ago, I got another manic episode 2 weeks ago but this one lasted days and I couldn't sleep for over three days. Tho if anything I have doubt that it's actual mania like in bipolar, I did have elevated mood to the point of almost euphoria at times, rushing thoughts and better imagination. More like just a constant rush of energy, I didn't start planning stuff or think about buying something or doing something crazy, tho it could have been bcuz I was always excitedly distracted by the hallucinations I got from sleep deprivation.",0.9216,positive,afraid 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,speaker,1,I hate the fact that i want to be interested in life and love different things but nothing seem to bring joy anymore. that's the most fucked up thing when you try to fight against it.,-0.5407,negative,sad 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_1,2,I agree it’s bullshit,-0.3182,negative,agreeing 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,speaker,3,True. how you feeling right now :),0.743,positive,agreeing 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_1,4,I’m honestly decent right now except for having some withdrawals. I’m getting off of anti depressants cause they just made all of my emotion numb and I didn’t like that anymore,-0.2023,negative,content 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,speaker,5,"Yeah i heard anti depressants ain't that good for you because of that and that's why i'll never take meds, i have anxiety and dissociation shit too but i just wanna suffer natural way lol",-0.4594,negative,neutral 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,speaker,6,"True. but it will always get better at some point, if not much better but still. gotta try to fight against it tho' by exercising your body and mind.",-0.1923,negative,neutral 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_1,7,Yeah I was genuinely feeling no emotion for a while and it scared me so I needed to stop,-0.5574,negative,terrified 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_2,8,"That doesnt make any sense. If you get cancer, do you want to ""suffer the natural way?"" If you have an illness, try to treat it. It is true that anti-depressants can make people feel numb. It's also true that person may not be on the right med. And it's even more true that they've given millions of people their lives back. If you don't want to pursue treatment, that's your choice. But then don't complain about suffering the effects of the illness that you refuse to attempt to treat. Just like any illness, people do try treatment and the treatment doesn't work for them. But to do nothing to help yourself other than complain you are suffering is pretty ridiculous.",-0.5655,negative,questioning 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_3,9,Now another reason I don’t want them. Thanks guys,0.4939,positive,wishing 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_4,10,I stopped believing that a long time ago. Afraid it’s too late for me,-0.2263,negative,afraid 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,speaker,11,How long you have had depression for?,-0.5719,negative,questioning 2587,depressed,Fucking depression.,listener_4,12,"As long as I remember. I’ll be 20 this winter so yeah, more than 15 year at least. I was sad all the time during my childhood as well so I don’t really remember a time where I woke up excited for what’s to come",0.505,positive,anticipating 2588,depressed,I need people to talk to,speaker,1,"Recently went through a separation with my wife, not legally but mutually, we still love together and sleep in the same bed, but hearing about the people she's talking to, and knowing she already has someone she's considering to be like a boyfriend is driving me insane. Her and I both agreed that we'll spend some time and work on ourselves to better who we are, when we give the relationship another try and do things correctly this time. But in the meantime, I'm left crying silently as she lay in bed next to me and between being insecure and heavily jealous because I'm still crazy about her, I've been blunt about how I'm feeling and by the time she goes to work, I'm left feeling useless and like shit, not to mention severely depressed, I don't know what to do anymore.... and it also hurts when I'm used to the things of when we were in relationship and I have to be reminded that we're no longer a relationship anymore, and that I can't just mindlessly give her attention.",-0.9444,negative,devastated 2588,depressed,I need people to talk to,listener_1,2,[Supportiv.com](https://Supportiv.com) has anonymous chats meant for venting stuff like this and getting it off your chest. It can be really helpful... hope things work out...,0.8304,positive,consoling 2588,depressed,I need people to talk to,speaker,3,"All of which are great points, thank you.",0.765,positive,acknowledging 2589,depressed,"I’m finally getting help,",speaker,1,"and I’m terrified. I’ve not had great experiences with therapy but I’m going to give it another go because I can’t go on being this miserable all of the time. Something needs to change, please wish me luck",0.1847,positive,afraid 2589,depressed,"I’m finally getting help,",listener_1,2,"Good luck, I hope you find a therapist who helps you.",0.8859999999999999,positive,consoling 2589,depressed,"I’m finally getting help,",speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2590,depressed,My NEW current situation,speaker,1,"About 10 months ago, I made a post about this girl who basically broke my heart in the worst way possible. She told me to go kill myself, that I wasn't worth shit and I'll never find anyone who truly likes me. At first, I dismissed it because some of my friends I've known for 12+ years, but my current situation has changed completely. Even though the girl still said that stuff about me, I still loved her, call me a dumbass, I am. We still talk and she acts as though it never happened, so we talk. My best friend who I've related to the most for 4+ years tells me he's into her, and I say to myself ""Better him then someone else"". Well, as it turned out, she likes him back. Neither person has made any moves to make it official, but seeing them together just hurts. I've been put into a movie magic situation; My best friend and my crush both like each other. And I understand that there are other people in the world, and she won't be the last. And even though I have no right to be jealous, I am. I don't know what to do, because I've been constantly depressed since about 2 weeks ago, and I haven't even shed a tear since 10 months ago. All my other friends encourage him and tell him to just ask her, as do I. He started using snapchat just so he could talk with her, and he's had snap for 2 years. He's so in love with this girl, like I was, but I'm so damn jealous, it makes me feel like such a shit friend, because I should be happy for him.",0.99,positive,ashamed 2590,depressed,My NEW current situation,listener_1,2,"No. You should be jealous. You have every right to be. You cant deny what you are feeling and what everyone else feels too. You are a good friend. Happy for your friend but also jealous of him, yet still being happy. It hurts i know. And it should hurt. I cant imagine a person going through this and not feeling like this. It's really hard to move on. I dont even talk to the girl that rejectef me 8 months ago, but am still in love with her. I see her everyday and it hurts that things are not going anywhere. All i am saying is, if she is the one for you then things will work out somehow. Patience is key. I know its impossible to stay patient with things changing so fast but time will change and heal everything. How much depends on your mind and heart.",0.4134,positive,agreeing 2590,depressed,My NEW current situation,speaker,3,"I should've thanked you for this when I read it, I was so happy when you posted this and felt so much more confident. Nothing has changed, but internally I won for a little bit, so thank you.",0.9443,positive,content 2590,depressed,My NEW current situation,listener_1,4,Glad i was able to help. 1 month is only a short amount of time. This not a battle. It a war. It does take time but eventually things will work out the way they are meant to. Fate always has a way to sneak in.,0.2481,positive,grateful 2591,depressed,Oct the 8 and the 10 are so close arriving and I am dying alive,speaker,1,"I just want to end it all. oct 8 is his birthday which he will be spending all weekend and his day with her after work. and oct 10 will be one month since she made it official on fb. why did i tell him goodbye forever? he wouldn't have know until the next morning or in of the night when he would have gone to piss. i could have closed my door and he wouldn't have come in to see. and if he did , all he would have found was a corpse of me. and yes he might have cried, who knows. but at least i would be dead and he would be free. that is after what he wants, to be free of me. and that's what i am trying to do. give him his freedom, since i am even a stress and burden to him. he'll be able to bring in the bitch to our house and fuck her in every room an build what was supposed to be our life together. he says he cares. that i will always be in his heart. but those are just words to me. and i'm asking for a new chance to start fresh and he doesn't want to do it. all i want is for us to have a fresh start. but i guess i'm just going to have to continue working out and trying to get into school and get a job and hope to god he sees the light. that or he can move. because i'm not leaving this house.",0.9196,positive,questioning 2591,depressed,Oct the 8 and the 10 are so close arriving and I am dying alive,speaker,2,I just want to die already. God I'm ready. Just take me.,0.0,neutral,prepared 2591,depressed,Oct the 8 and the 10 are so close arriving and I am dying alive,speaker,3,"i appreciate that you are trying to be helpful. but you are being the opposite and yes i have ppl to talk to. and no i dont need no shrink , but you do. and no i dont have to see it to the end. its my life that is being ruined. and i am not going to be looking at the hotlines thank you very much. and i have support and no i dont want to listen to them and much less you a total stranger. thank you but no thank you. forgive me if i sound rude and i apologize. so do me a favor and just stop. thank you.",0.7784,positive,agreeing 2591,depressed,Oct the 8 and the 10 are so close arriving and I am dying alive,listener_1,4,"OK, no problem. Good luck!",0.4843,positive,wishing 2592,depressed,):,speaker,1,"idk what to do or who to talk to but i know im gonna die if i continue like this. my heart is so heavy and the things in my head are so fucked up. im so sad all the time, i wish it would stop :/",-0.9356,negative,sad 2592,depressed,):,listener_1,2,"Same here bud. Want to die, but God refuses to take me. And it fucking blows.",0.09,positive,devastated 2592,depressed,):,listener_2,3,Same here tho.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,speaker,1,"I really want help but have no options since I am not rich and cant afford a therapist out of pocket. And on top of that since i am on my parents health plan i cant see a therapist since they dont belive in therapy. So my options are either get an insurance plan i cant afford or use some shady online service ran by people that only have profit in mind. If you want to make a difference push for affordable mental health programs. Reposting that same suicide hotline number that has been posted on everything everywhere, has songs written about it and is on student IDs and every website contributes nothing to anyone.",-0.6908,negative,hopeful 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_1,2,Have you considered 7 cups? It's a free community app where people listen to one another. I couldn't agree with you more that mental health appointments are expensive. I wish we did or could do more.,0.598,positive,agreeing 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,speaker,3,I dont know. I really just want professional help. All i get on the internet is just the same motivational lines over and over. I feel like my mental health is falling apart slowly and im to poor to do anything about it,0.2682,positive,disappointed 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_2,4,"If you want professional help, I found a really good resource a few years back. This company has unlimited counseling for only 50 bucks a month. It's all online but the other online ones are like 60 a week. It also can cover you and three other people. This has been a lifesaver for me and my alcoholic friend, who I kinda just added onto my plan. They dont really care what 4 people you use, doesn't have to be family. https://join.aindependenta.org/?IBCNumber=62943",0.9198,positive,grateful 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_3,5,Try self care take time out to work mental health with selfcare there are lots of good app out there i have been working on self care for years,0.8519,positive,agreeing 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_1,6,"Give it a try. Also after a few goes, try being a ""listener"" it's amazing the insights you can gain into your own mental health by sitting and listening to to someone else and aiding them through a crisis.",0.4767,positive,impressed 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_4,7,"i am in the same boat as you and ik it's frustrating using online services because it's not the same. but i use 7cups and for me, thats the only one that actually helps in any way. it's a really good service and they don't repeat the same crap (""it'll be okay"" ""keep pushing thru, you're strong"" ""you can do it"" ew) that most sites use. if you're still not down to try that, i am always here. yes i'm not a therapist or anything but i listen and i will devote myself to you if you need the help. even if you wanna send memes or talk about nothing just to make sure you're not alone, i'm good w that. it sucks. a lot. but you aren't alone. we got ur back bro x",0.9645,positive,neutral 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_5,8,"If they’re a high school student, campus resources won’t be shit for them and I’m assuming that’s their situation because they’re under their parents healthcare etc. like high schools pretend the counselors care but a majority of the time they don’t and it’s sad because there are kids who aren’t getting help cuz they know the resources open to them aren’t really going to do anything to genuinely help",0.5106,positive,neutral 2593,depressed,Your not doing the world a service by posting that suicide hotline number that everyone already knows about.,listener_2,9,Dude this place has no copay https://join.aindependenta.org/?IBCNumber=62943,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 2594,depressed,I'm falling,speaker,1,I'm literally falling apart. I need help rn. Someone if your up please text me . I feel so alone. Someone help please.,0.7225,positive,lonely 2594,depressed,I'm falling,listener_1,2,Hi,0.0,neutral,wishing 2594,depressed,I'm falling,speaker,3,Hey,0.0,neutral,wishing 2594,depressed,I'm falling,listener_1,4,what's up? what to hear about my depressing life? it might make you feel better.,0.168,positive,questioning 2594,depressed,I'm falling,speaker,5,Go ahead love,0.6369,positive,questioning 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,speaker,1,"So, as usual, my wife decides she can’t do anything for herself. She’s woken me up now three times to get her a glass of water. It’s just so disrespectful. It would be one thing if this was a rare occurrence, but it’s pretty much a daily thing and it’s literally everything. Get me this, bring me that, do this for me, all day everyday. I’m so goddamn tired of being her fucking mommy!! Of course, when I tell her how shitty she is being now I’m “ruining” things. I guess she means I’m ruining shit for her. Gotta give the spoiled ass brat what she wants, I suppose. She always says shit like “you can say no” and then when I fuckin do she goes all college boyfriend trying to pressure his girlfriend into sex on me and starts guilt tripping me and whining and shit. I don’t know what form of abuse this is, but it’s definitely something. And then no matter what my reaction is it’s always the problem. As if I don’t have a right to be angry or irritated with her. It’s always me “overreacting” instead of her being a spoiled entitled asshole. I don’t have a friend in the world to talk to about this stuff. Obviously, I can’t talk to my wife about it. She always deflects and turns it around on me. It feels odd to be this hurt by something that seems so small, but it just makes me feel like she’s only here because I do all this shit for her that most folks wouldn’t.",-0.9961,negative,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_1,2,Youre with a abusive person. Id honestly file for divorce behind her back.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,trusting 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,speaker,3,We have been married for just over two years. I mean I’m definitely not trying to insinuate I don’t have my own set of issues. I have an extremely short fuse and very low self esteem. I’m not great at expressing my emotions in a healthy way.,-0.0739,negative,ashamed 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,4,Or say no. Tell her no means no. If not sell your shit and divorce her. Remember your a human being and being treated so should be the bar for people in your life.,0.1838,positive,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,5,Not looking good.,-0.3412,negative,disgusted 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_3,6,WTF? This is incredibly misogynist.,-0.6739,negative,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_4,7,"This particular issue aside, he likes this woman enough to have married her, and her him. Why throw that away so lightly, with so little effort? ""Till death do us part, or until you ask me to do stuff""?",-0.2951,negative,trusting 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_5,8,"I don't see how me saying that a man (or women btw) should do things for their partner, that he should leave her if he hates her that much and that if she knew what he says about her she wouldn't be with him is misogynistic?.Or was it the women part ? Okay I will change it then. He sounds like a little bitch.",-0.5525,negative,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_5,9,"I don't see how me saying that a man (or women btw) should do things for their partner, that he should leave her if he hates her that much and that if she knew what he says about her she wouldn't be with him is misogynistic?.Or was it the women part ? Okay I will change it then. He sounds like a little bitch.",-0.5525,negative,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,10,Cause he woke up. She's using him and treating him like a service dog. If anything the only reason he should stay is to prevent her from chopping everything he owns in half.,0.3818,positive,furious 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_6,11,"Yo. Get some marriage counseling. If she won't go, I don't know what to tell you. If she will great, and talk to your doc about an SSRI. Effexor ER changed my life. Helps me relax and take a looot more things in stride. Now, if she's really getting you up 3 times a night, that has to stop. Shes a big girl. You both have to be willing to respect each other.",0.8885,positive,trusting 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_4,12,Asking someone to fetch a glass if water is more of a shit-test or call for attention than using them.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,13,He is using her...to get water. She has legs. She has a brain. She can use a faucet. It's not like it's one time. He's literally came to the internet to vent about how fucking ridiculous it is. We guys need to stop making excuses for women that think it's okay to be useless leeches. Tell her to pound salt. If she is a baby about it leave her in her crib and let her soothe herself or put her up for adoption. I say baby because a toddler could figure out a way to get water in a cup for herself. Have some self respect.,-0.3824,negative,furious 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_4,14,"""He's literally came to the internet to vent about how fucking ridiculous it is"" Exactly, which should tell you that it's much more than some entitled thot that's thirsty and can't be bothered to walk to the tap, right? To some extent I speak from experience here. My wife would come home, call me down from my upstairs home office, and ask me to bring her bag or whatever in from the car. OK, sometimes she'd have a very heavy bag of books but mostly it was just a light briefcase type thing she could easily bring in herself. She'd do the exact same thing with water too, asking for a ""cold drink"", ie cold water from the chiller, while watching TV. I'd take it lightly, reply along the lines of ""You know you're a pain in the ass, right?"" and get her some water anyway. One day I got irritated and asked why she kept asking for such things? ""I dunno, it shows you love me?"" She literally didn't know herself why she was doing it. So sometimes I'd comply, sometimes I'd say 'Nopes.' To me that's all that matters, that you maintain a choice about a request. You're responding like it's an order. It's not.",-0.3805,negative,annoyed 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,15,It is an order. She pulls a immature temper tantrum when he doesn't comply. He comes on here because this isn't an activity of love. Love is not about being treated as a slave for a useless princess. And when is shit testing alright anyways. Why does she need him to prove his love through this means. He commit his life to her and she needs to be reminded by him doing what she says. This guy needs to respect himself.,0.836,positive,angry 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_4,16,"I agree, he needs to call her out and refuse, at least some of the time. That's not the same thing as nuking the entire marriage though.",0.0772,positive,agreeing 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_2,17,I guess. I'm probably projecting. Mine was and when I wouldn't do these things she'd complain to her friends and later some dude at work. It was manipulative and it's kind of a red flag to me. I've decided to hold a pretty high standard for behaviour in a relationship and I would never have gone this far with her in the first place. Id rather die alone then spend my life with such disrespect. I want a woman who can stand on her own two feet. Also if this behaviour just has free reign then it ends up rubbing off on your kids. Not only does it add another entitled member to the family it also creates a child that can't stand on there own two feet when real life hits and is really harmful to their development.,0.4404,positive,faithful 2595,depressed,Tell Me If I’m Just Overreacting Please,listener_4,18,"Well one thing I noticed with my wife, she'd never pull such stuff with other people around. She knew full well she'd look silly. Your situation sounds a bit different, so don't blame you for drawing a hard line.",0.6386,positive,neutral 2596,depressed,Called the crisis team for the first time,speaker,1,Told me that they would send an email so I could get an emergency appointment for tomorrow. What do I do in the mean time? I want to die.,-0.7351,negative,angry 2596,depressed,Called the crisis team for the first time,listener_1,2,Could try and play some games.,0.34,positive,suggesting 2596,depressed,Called the crisis team for the first time,speaker,3,"What happened, if you dont mind me asking?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2596,depressed,Called the crisis team for the first time,listener_2,4,Couldn't help me because I was in a different province where I wasn't written in (Netherlands). Here when you call they can't do anything to help you. The person on the phone knows no psychology and will just improvise something to get you to calm down.,0.1386,positive,annoyed 2597,depressed,She answered my question,speaker,1," This is a kinda update .... First off MY LIFE STILL SUCKS... But to get straight to it. I'm still having suicidal thoughts. I'm still down and my health is getting worse. Can't breathe or walk too easily. But I thought,,,would my wife like to find my body or not... It's not like I'll be using it... She told me she would not like to find me having that be the last image. So... Still working kinda of staying alive till I can get my stuff together and leave in piece.",-0.5492,negative,apprehensive 2597,depressed,She answered my question,listener_1,2,She has answered and ye shall deliver. Stay alive.,0.3818,positive,faithful 2597,depressed,She answered my question,speaker,3," As of this moment in time I am struggling to stay alive... Nothing would make me more happy then to wake up dead... I'll even take a cure. But the latter the doctor have not found a cure just something to prolong... My plans are to get stuff cleared off my list. At that time if nothing has changed or has worsened then its "" off with the head"" so to speak. Like I said in an earlier post I'll keep y'all updated. But thanks for wishing me life",0.7463,positive,hopeful 2597,depressed,She answered my question,listener_1,4,"When dead you cant wake up. Thats it. Your life is over. Everything you've worked for is over. Finished. There is nothing left. Everything that you did have, gone. Forever. So try and live for everything that you do have and enjoy even the smallest happy points or spikes.",0.3818,positive,sad 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,speaker,1,"Do you ever feel so depressed that you start to be feel really numb to everything, even to yourself.",-0.7866,negative,lonely 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,listener_1,2,That's a symptom of depression. Most people with depression feel like that at some point.,-0.7322,negative,sad 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,speaker,3,no shit,0.4449,positive,agreeing 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,listener_1,4,"then don't ask it like you're the only one who feels this way. It's like saying on a diet subreddit, ""do you ever feel hungry?"" You posed a question with such an obvious answer, it seemed like you were unaware of this.",0.2709,positive,neutral 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,speaker,5,It's not the same so fuck outta here,-0.6696,negative,consoling 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,listener_1,6,Yes it is. And watch your tone. Especially when people are trying to help you.,0.6597,positive,agreeing 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,speaker,7,I'm not asking here for a help. and you're being fucking annoying so stfu,-0.0754,negative,annoyed 2598,depressed,Feeling like this makes me want to quit.,listener_1,8,"Again, watch your tone. Your responses are not ok for this community. Just move on.",-0.2235,negative,angry 2599,depressed,Uh hey?,speaker,1,"Hi my name is Sam but please, call me Sammie. I've been struggling with depression for as long as i can remember. my life wasn't so bad. I mean, in 2015 i lost my dad and thats kinda when i went downhill. I became an introvert, hiding from the world and trying to from my problems. I'm only 16 and already have a long history with self harm. I just turned 16 this august and i really wish i hadn't even made it this far. I just dont want to be alive anymore but i don't want to kill myself. does that make sense? I'm so tired of doing the same things everyday. It's so monotonous. I'm tired of breathing, eating, existing. im overweight and not the prettiest peach in the bunch. I've had guys on snapchat unadd me after seeing my face. that really killed my self esteem. I mean its not that i need a guys approval, but it hurts when something like that happens. My ""boyfriend"" faked his death to get away from me. Im not crazy, I'm just a little clingy. But not clingy enough to make you kill yourself. I'm trans (ftm) and my bisexual aunt is transphobic. I know that happens but i just expected her to be more understanding. Guess not. She makes me feel dysphoric and I typically don't have that feeling. She argued with me over it. It's really annoying, arguing with someone over YOUR gender. I'm always exhausted. Mentally and Physically. I'm just so tired of trying my hardest only to get fucked over again and again. I know i should keep trying but it's so hard getting up each day and saying ""I can do this! Im gonna be okay!"" I cant lie to myself especially when i know the truth. anyway, does anyone have any tips for me to make this even a little bit easier?",-0.9961,negative,ashamed 2599,depressed,Uh hey?,listener_1,2,"the only advice I have is to keep trying. try tomorrow. and the next day, until it gets better. look outside next time it rains. it's not gonna rain forever. same thing with the pain.",-0.1027,negative,consoling 2599,depressed,Uh hey?,speaker,3,"I read all of it and im glad I did (im lazy sometimes) im only about a week clean and I think i just got so overwhelmed at the time. i am in therapy but we've had to reschedule multiple times. I'm hoping to go sometimes this week actually! and im agnostic, i dont know what comes after death but im open to learning new things. I just feel though, that i shouldn't have to apologize for just being me. i cant help the way I am. if god really loved all her children she would accept us. (i think of him as a woman, makes me a bit more comfortable with it) but im not bashing your beliefs in any way! and im certainly not trying to speak bad about god, just my personal feelings. And thanks for sharing your story, it might help someone who just happens to stumble by this post. also I LOVE YOU TOO!",0.9882,positive,trusting 2599,depressed,Uh hey?,listener_2,4,"I'm proud of you! My longest clean streak before my mom saw my cuts was two weeks. My second longest was three days. I totally understand thinking of God as a woman. I think God wouldn't mind either gender pronoun, as long as you believe. What I believe in Christianity is that even though God never intended for the human race to be LGBT when She created us, I think with sin, forgiveness found its way through as well. Personally speaking, discovering my true sexuality has brought me closer to God. I was very distraught and afraid that I would never be accepted, so I consistently read the Bible and prayed that my family would still love me. Because of this I think She has started using what was originally Satan's curse of sin to Her own advantage and has started intentionally creating people who are LGBT in order to show them that God's love is boundless. Struggling to word this but basically: I believe that being LGBT in and of itself is NOT a sin. However, I do believe that acting LGBT (engaging in gay sex or crossdressing) is a sin. I think that God has created those who are LGBT to not only test their willingness to repent, but to show that even if one were to stray away from Her intentions, they will still be FORGIVEN, always and forever. <3 Be strong!",0.9753,positive,proud 2599,depressed,Uh hey?,speaker,5,Thanks. thats good advice. i know i dont know y'all who comment but you're support makes a big difference.,0.7543,positive,neutral 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,speaker,1,I've been crying about him a lot lately... When does it get better? :(,-0.4767,negative,sad 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_1,2,"When you meet someone new it will get better. Don't worry, be happy 🤗",0.6259,positive,consoling 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_2,3,Riiight. not. I am doing those things and its not making anything any better. what would make everything better is him coming back to me.,0.7003,positive,neutral 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,speaker,4,that’s sad to think about :(,-0.7184,negative,acknowledging 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_2,5,"i guess if its a mutual break up. mine was not mutual. i didnt have a say in this. he did this to me, to us.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_3,6,I hope I didn't make you feel worse >.<,-0.0516,negative,sympathizing 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_4,7,Uhhhh no. Then you are more dependent than ever. Cause whe would be the one brining you happiness... not the rest of the world,0.5574,positive,trusting 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,speaker,8,nah it’s ayt i just wanna feel numb lol,0.0,neutral,neutral 2600,depressed,It's been eight months and I'm still not over my ex,listener_3,9,"Yeah, I know that feeling",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2601,depressed,Depressed people always need 2 different kinds of support,speaker,1,"There are 2 different kinds of support a depressed person needs. These can come from one or two different people. Those people can't be depressed themselves otherwise it defeats the purpose of them being there. It can be a person who has gone through depression and is now over it. The first type of support is the logical support. This support helps you find things to do that are logical and helps you do things that you do in your daily life nicely. This person acts as the bigger brain for your brain. The peraon can make your brain understand ehat can be done in a logical manner. However, just like a human body, we can either decide to accept the instructions by the bigger brain or reject them if they dont make sense. The second type of support is emotional support. This support gives you warmth for your heart. For it to be rebuilt from the things it has gone through. This person can help you rebuild any trust issues you may have or any kind of emotional stress you may be going through. This support acts like a heart for your body. A heart that cares for you and your body. A heart that knows what you are thinking and what you feel about any topic that may be brought up. Its almoat like a new heart has been placed into your body and it doesn't know a thing about you as a person so you have to teach it. A depressed persons heart and mind are in a constant conflict. They are in a fight that no one can win. Your conscience can try to stop them but its only a matter of time they start again; and hence your body needs a new pair or heart and mind that is able to think outside the box or outside your field of view. Again, these people can be 2 different people or just one person. If you have any people you can share your deepest thoughts with and trust them completely, then maybe approach them as either one of the people. Remember that you cant decide which type of support they will offer or which body part of the two (heart or mind) they will be. It depends on their personality alone. They decide. If you dont have any people or friends you can share your story with, see if you can find new people. There are a few sub reddits that are there to find new friends who can relate as they have been through thesame things as you, or can just offer you those supports. If social media is not your strong point maybe go out into the world and see if you can find someone who maybe able to help. If you are an introverted person, give social media a try. ** I am by no means a doctor, therapist or a councellor. This post is simply a personal observation that i had taken in the course of a few months. This is not in any shape or form a replacement from therapy or councelling. If needed seek councelling and therapy as they can offer professional advice. **",0.9963,positive,trusting 2601,depressed,Depressed people always need 2 different kinds of support,listener_1,2,I See So What Happens When You Need Both?🤔,0.0,neutral,questioning 2601,depressed,Depressed people always need 2 different kinds of support,speaker,3,"You get both supports. You could find them in a single person or have 2 different people with the different supports. Just be sure you have them both with you. As even if you have the logical person saying to you that try to take small steps at a time, the emotional support will gibe you the motivation to atleast tey or give it a go.",0.9001,positive,neutral 2601,depressed,Depressed people always need 2 different kinds of support,speaker,4,"The only reason i say a depressed person needs another pwrson who is not depressed is only becauae sometimes when a depressed person is supporting another depressed person, the ""relateable story"" tag gets raised up alot. In that sense, if you say ""i wanna die"" the reply may come back as ""same"" from a depressed person supporting you; where as if it were a non depressed person, he or she could provide you with a different comment like ""i am here for you"" or ""its going to be ok"" as a reassurance. You can have depressed people supporting depressed people if you want to, considering that they can relate more to you than anyone else in your life. In a way you supporting them and they supporting you gives emotional support more than anything. Now that you have motivation, you have a new heart. Its the brain that is still confused as to where to go from here cause its still in a mindset where the brain is still holding onto the things that are going on. That is where logical support comes in. That support could be from a person who is depressed but is able to offer logical support whenever needed, but normally the new fresh brain that is needed, needs to not have gone through or has gone through but is over it so that it is able to offer advice that seems logical and is positive.",0.926,positive,trusting 2602,depressed,I’m losing it and don’t know what to do,speaker,1,"(Call me what you want I don’t know what else to do and I came here for help) I’m currently 11 years old turning 12 on Halloween. But I’ve been feeling depressed ever since 3rd grade. It all started when this girl (who is now a friend of mine) would bully me for having ginger hair, calling me things like “ugly ginger...what’s up GINGER...GINGER! GINGER!” (Turns our she really likes the color of my hair and was a little jealous which is understandable.) and since then I’ve loved wearing black clothes. Whenever someone made a slightly rude remark about/to me I’d say something back but it only made people see me as weird. 4th grade went ok, but I started ignoring my family more. I didn’t see any reason to socialize with them at all. 5th grade I had the BEST teacher and she helped prepare us for middle school and we would do community circle where she asked a question and passed around an object and when you had the object you could answer the question. Anyways school went good but by the end of the year I was drawing knives and nooses, and when I asked my friend for a red marker to draw blood (I didn’t tell her is was for that though), she said “what, do you can draw blood on a knife cuz your depressed?” In a sort of teasing way, but she gave me the marker to use anyways. But at home things started to get worse, I would try to think of reasons to keep living, and I could only think of the recurring; because it would hurt my family, because it would hurt my friends, because it would hurt my crush. From then to now I ALWAYS think I’m overreacting and that people have it worse so I can’t complain, that I CANT COMPLAIN, and I’ve recently been learning about sexism and rape and it’s been making things worse because I’ve started having lucid nightmares (what I call it when I purposely have a nightmare and don’t try to stop it) about getting raped by my dad and him killing my mom and sister, being pushed to suiciding because of people being so sexist, and all of my pets dying because I wasn’t good enough and someone broke in and killed them. Depressing (I mean VERY depressing) music is the only thing keeping me sane, and I’ve tried cutting. When my best friend found out, we sat on her swings and just listened to each other’s problems, she asked her mom if she could take me to one of her therapy lessons when I said I didn’t like my family and felt they were pushing me down, (when I told my mom I felt depressed and the guidance counselor suggested therapy, when I got home my mom told me she wouldn’t put me in therapy because of the cost and that I was fine, then ASKED ME WHY I WOULDN’T TELL HER I WAS FEELING DEPRESSED! And same with my dad, I came up to him, CRYING, after me and my other friend talked about us feeling depressed and when I asked if I could be out in thereby, he said that therapy was for PEOPLE WHO NEEDED HELP, and he wouldn’t do it because of the cost) my friend’s mom said she couldn’t because the police would get involved and I would be removed from my home. After that my bff went up to her sister (who is also my friend) and showed her the scratches i made on my arm and all she said was “well why the fuck did you do that?” And started LAUGHING LIKE IT WAS A JOKE. My bff kinda did to, and I had to fake laugh like it was a joke as well. Me and them have gotten into lots of fights but that’s only because we can all get VERY mad. Sometimes I get so mad I wish I could just kill them, or my sister because I HATE her! She will have the tv on, be on her laptop and phone at the same time! Then when she gets one of them taken away she will yell and scream and cry because she was on it instead of doing her chores. She will always get me in trouble because I told her to do something then she gets mad and hits me and my super-anger kicks in and I hit back and she screams and cries and makes up a fake story and I’m the one who gets hit in the face. (And my parents wonder why I never talk to them.) I’ve developed trust issues even lost my closest friend that I didn’t even know in person because her and her friends were depressed and I’m always feeling depressed and when I told her I was feeling left out somehow it got into a big fight and I’d type openly in the server looking for attention and I lost her, that’s why I started cutting and set a suicide date. But DIDNT suicide because somehow my friend called on that day and we ended up playing roblox for hours like we would always do. I’ve started cutting and sometimes I can’t even cry because my emotions will leave and I don’t know what to do I just want someone to help I want the pain to end I cut my hair and it lowered my self esteem because I think I look stupid and I’m always feeling guilty and like an attention-seeker and like I’m just faking when I say something even relevant to depression because I think I’m just yelling out to everyone “hey I have depression CARE FOR ME BITCH” while smiling and laughing and being happy. I’ve heard 7 cups works and I tried it but it won’t load or anything it just freezes on a white mug with a dark blue backround again idk what to do someone help me I’ll never speak to my family I don’t like/trust them I can’t talk to my friends they think I’m faking and I can’t get a therapist help my parents are both home sorry this is all messy help help help I’m going insane HELP!",-0.9953,negative,sad 2602,depressed,I’m losing it and don’t know what to do,listener_1,2,Have you ever thought about calling a suicide hotline? Also is there anything you can do as a substitute for self harm?,-0.8541,negative,questioning 2602,depressed,I’m losing it and don’t know what to do,speaker,3,"I haven’t really thought of it, and my parents check my calls/texts and I can’t explain why I called if I know they won’t believe me and just team me I’m fine, possibly even ground me",0.2023,positive,apprehensive 2603,depressed,"Broke down crying at church yesterday, guess the reactions of the people who noticed.",speaker,1,"They just glanced at me for a second and then looked back, their expressions unchanging the entire time. It was like something out of an existential horror film. Fuck these people.",-0.6908,negative,terrified 2603,depressed,"Broke down crying at church yesterday, guess the reactions of the people who noticed.",listener_1,2,They don’t need to be there,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2603,depressed,"Broke down crying at church yesterday, guess the reactions of the people who noticed.",speaker,3,"I know, right? I wish I could afford to just scream ""FUCK OFF!"" at every one of them who pretends to be my friend after this.",-0.4069,negative,angry 2603,depressed,"Broke down crying at church yesterday, guess the reactions of the people who noticed.",listener_2,4,"First, I am so sorry you had to go through that. Do not give up on your strength. Second, this is extremely relatable—I had to change desks at work today, and as I pushed my chair & box full of desk-crap to my new desk area, everyone was staring because I had busted out in tears in front of everyone (prior to the desk move). It was awful. I’ll never date someone from work again. The break-up experience has been tremendously awful. And now I’m experiencing mild bullying. That being said, you’re awesome for sharing this. Thank you.",0.0363,neutral,embarrassed 2604,depressed,Not wanting help?,speaker,1,"So first of all I want to clear the air by saying I’m not even sure if I have depression/ have not been diagnosed with depression or anything tbh. But I have suffered with self harm for a while (3 months clean though) and I never told anyone for at least a year. After a friend, or I should say distant friend, committed suicide at the end of grade 11, I fell even deeper into “depression” as I felt guilty for not reconnecting with her. After a very long time (approx 6 months) I told my mum and older sister. Up until then I had one friend who I would talk to about it. But my thing is I never wanted to tell anyone. I went to one therapy session and convinced them I wasn’t actually depressed and thought it must have just been how I dealt with the grief. So then they both brushed it off. After that I still self harmed for months (up until 3 months ago) and I don’t actually know if I should get professional help or tell anyone because I feel like I will only be able to help myself. Asking for help from anybody else just makes it feel much harder. Am I the only one who feels like they will only be able to become better completely by themselves? — 17F :)",0.889,positive,ashamed 2604,depressed,Not wanting help?,listener_1,2,"Hey, I've been there. Youve been through a lot and im proud of you! I struggle with self-harm, depression, etc and three months clean is a massive accomplishment! Being honest with yourself when something bad happens to you is hard. I still struggle with that. It took me years to accept that what i was doing and how i was coping wasnt healthy and it took me even longer to accept that its okay to get help. It is okay to get help. Therapy isnt magic but its always good to try something new and if you hate it you dont have to stay (especially when you turn 18 cause then youre an adult). If you dont want to get better thats okay, move at your own pace, but therapy (especially voluntary therapy) might be helpful on those days when you kinda feel like trying but dont know where to start. Most days i dont want to get better but i just keep chuggin along and sometimes I'll have a few good days! If you just want to talk to someone im happy to chat (im 21F) :) ps i tried to make this easier to read but boi its a lot of words. TL/DR its okay to not be okay and if youre not ready to talk thats fine! Lmk if you wanna talk",0.9893,positive,agreeing 2604,depressed,Not wanting help?,speaker,3,Thank you so much for this reply!❤️ very helpful advice.💓,0.9391,positive,wishing 2605,depressed,Reason for being depressed?,speaker,1,*i have not been diagnosed with depression* But I’m pretty sure I have suffered from it as I self harmed a lot. (3 months clean). But when I think of the times I felt I had hit rock bottom and even contemplated suicide (even though I knew I would never actually go through with it) I have no idea what I was thinking? I still have those days where I feel overwhelmingly sad or just numb or angry but then I have no idea why? I have a somewhat stable and happy/supportive family and friends so what’s my deal?😂 Especially looking back at those bad times I just don’t understand my reasoning and that’s what irritates me most is that I don’t have a reason to feel so bad and shit??? Hearing what some other people have had to endure throughout their lives makes me feel so guilty for thinking “oh poor me boo hoo” like ahh whattt??? -17F,-0.993,negative,sad 2605,depressed,Reason for being depressed?,listener_1,2,Maybe you have clinical depression,-0.5719,negative,suggesting 2605,depressed,Reason for being depressed?,speaker,3,Thank you for your reply! I will look into that. ❤️,0.4199,positive,wishing 2605,depressed,Reason for being depressed?,speaker,4,"Thank you so much, I’ll look into it!❤️",0.4199,positive,wishing 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,speaker,1,I drank 8 antidepressants now i dont know how to sleep or work or function. I dont know what I want. i just wanna cry it out but there are no tears.,0.0256,neutral,sad 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,listener_1,2,Watch some emotional show or movie that would make you cry .... Or just talk to someone,-0.3612,negative,sad 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,speaker,3,problem is my friends already think that I talk about my problems way too much so I can’t really talk to anyone even if this happens on a monthly basis,-0.3182,negative,lonely 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,speaker,4,damn. thanks :( and id like to be there for you too if you dont mind,-0.0516,negative,acknowledging 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,listener_2,5,"when I feel like that, i just write it all down. or just say it out loud.",0.3612,positive,neutral 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,listener_1,6,Talk to your family or any online friends if u have ... Just let all of it go,0.4767,positive,lonely 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,listener_3,7,"of course. sometimes reassurance is all we really need, yanno. I've come to the conclusion that if I can't live a happy life, I'll be there for the ones that can with a little help. sorta like a vessel for happiness 😅",0.8382,positive,agreeing 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,speaker,8,How do you get over the feeling that no one’s listening?,-0.1779,negative,lonely 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,listener_2,9,I dont. it hurts me everyday. but I have to live with it. just saying it out loud helps me a bit. its better than bottling it up,0.8413,positive,neutral 2606,depressed,I feel like my heart is going to explode,speaker,10,"stay strong, brother :(",0.1027,positive,wishing 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,speaker,1, **Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi hopefully we all meet you in the heavens.** **He is one of my classmates who recently passed away from a heart attack he had an Energy Drink Overdose and died sleeping.** **It's his 18th birthday today!**,0.8313,positive,devastated 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,listener_1,2,I kinda wish i was him. But rest in peace. You shall be missed.,0.5652,positive,neutral 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,listener_2,3,"Wish you would die sleeping? yeah that would be the best way to go, so peaceful :) i wish that too but it's not my time yet, gotta keep fighting till we die naturally",-0.3512,negative,acknowledging 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,listener_3,4,You probably don’t die in your sleep like this.. it probably wakes you up. :/ I don’t know enough facts but thsi is what I imagine. RIP dude ❤️,-0.34,negative,acknowledging 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,listener_2,5,What wakes me up? wut lol,0.4215,positive,questioning 2607,depressed,Rest In Peace Sultan Al Shamsi Its His 18th Birthday today,listener_3,6,I meant to respond to someone else’s comment,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",speaker,1,"I feel like such a failure. It’s something people are so nonchalant about, and find easy but I just can’t pass.. I’ve been so close a few times but I can’t do it. When the examiner says that you’ve failed is when my heart just drops. The world just goes grey for me at that point. I’ve not only wasted my money that I don’t have, but I have to take it again, and I feel like a complete disappointment. I’ve had like 6 attempts but I can’t seem to pass. And the thing is, I like driving. That’s honestly how I get to work. I’m good at it, but I can’t pass the test and I don’t want to deal with fucking instructors. I hate them and I hate how much money is wasted driving around for no reason when I could spend it on something that would make me happy. I feel like giving up. Meaning, no girl would want to date me, and it’s a pain to get anywhere. The whole thing has made me very depressed.",0.0918,positive,ashamed 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",listener_1,2,What's the reason behind you not passing the test? Is it the maneuverability?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",speaker,3,"I think I’m too nervous. When I fail, it’s for such things like going in the wrong lane on the roundabout, etc. It’s because when I drive, I have a route planned so I know where I’m going - on the test, it’s utterly arbitrary.",-0.7351,negative,anxious 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",listener_1,4,"Oh, the roundabouts. I'm not as familiar with those as they're still a fairly new concept where I live. Do the routes change all the time or have they taken you on a similar route? I would suggest going to the area you'll be driving in and just practice. Start off from the building and then just drive. Go through the roundabout and take one path, then loop back around to the starting point and take the other. Keep practicing the roads in that area and familiarize yourself with the lanes, speeds, any turns or things to look out for. And ultimately, remember: you *can* drive. Be confident in your abilities. I know it can be stressful, what with the crazy people and having an audience (at least, that stresses me out, especially if it's my mother), but think of how relieved you'll feel once you pass!",0.3489,positive,questioning 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",listener_2,5,"On a roundabout, left lane'll be your first exit, middle will be straight on, third'll be right.. Then you're basically coming out of it like a corkscrew.. Whatever position you're in, those lines will remain the same, and obviously either merge left or right... But then I've just realised, none of that's probably helpful... Also, constantly check your wing mirrors and rear view, like for EVERY manoeuvre you do.. Over do it, examiners love that shit! If you're driving on your own, you're probably picking up bad habits, just over emphasise EVERYTHING and ensure you don't slip into your driving habits whilst on the test. Basically the test is, as my instructor used to say, ""fooling the examiner into thinking you can drive"".. It's more of a show for the instructor than actually driving at that point! Hope your next test goes better!",0.929,positive,apprehensive 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",speaker,6,Thanks! I’ll do that. I’ve booked it so that’s something at least.. I hope you get your licence soon too!,0.7494,positive,encouraging 2608,depressed,"19, can’t pass driving test.",listener_3,7,Thank you very much !! Give us an update for your next test !! You got this :),0.8002,positive,wishing 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,speaker,1,I just need it. I need someone to tell me how worthless I am. How fucking stupid my existence is. Just please... Someone Anyone.,-0.6478,negative,annoyed 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,listener_1,2,I could tell you that your not all those things but I won't because you are what you make of yourself only you can define who you are and maybe you are those things but maybe your not maybe you have done some shitty things in your past we all have but those things don't define who you are it's what you learn from those experiences that make you you so don't beat yourself over it use it to better yourself,-0.2617,negative,neutral 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,speaker,3,Yes I'm sure,0.6124,positive,confident 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,listener_2,4,"Talk about it, sometimes talking to a complete stranger about fucked up shit going on in your life is not a bad way to deal with so called 'pain'.",-0.8667,negative,trusting 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,listener_2,5,Why though.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,speaker,6,I'm not really sure why. I just have a lot of shit going on and I dont like to talk about it. I just feel like a burden. I guess I just want more motive to end the pain. Or to sh. I dont know.,-0.8831,negative,lonely 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,listener_2,7,Have you thought about therapy or maybe seeing a councilor? Cause im quite concerned man.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,speaker,8,I've had 7 therapists since I was 9,0.0,neutral,trusting 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,listener_2,9,Smoke some weed bro,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2609,depressed,I need someone to bully me,speaker,10,They arent doing anything for me but I'm getting another one,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2610,depressed,Real Talk / Help,speaker,1,In a couple of weeks or so I'm considering getting high as fuck and drunk as fuck and jumping off a building. Thoughts?,-0.8555,negative,apprehensive 2610,depressed,Real Talk / Help,listener_1,2," **Death** is so final, yet life is full of possibilities. - Tyrion Lannister",-0.5994,negative,faithful 2610,depressed,Real Talk / Help,listener_2,3,The problem with what you're saying about how you feel like no one cares and you're almost definately wrong about that is that the ones who say they love you are often the reason you want to die in the first place. They either cause you the pain or they arent even there when you really need them.,-0.8556,negative,agreeing 2610,depressed,Real Talk / Help,listener_3,4,"I'm just saying what I've done to get myself ""off the ledge."" Maybe it won't work for everyone, but it's the best I can do to help someone out who needs it.",0.8847,positive,caring 2611,depressed,Beyond stuck and no one to talk to,speaker,1,I don't even know what to say honestly. I cant seem to find a job no matter how hard I try because I dont speak spanish (i live in the US). I have a toddler and I'm struggling. I cant go back to school because I have no income. I have no income because I haven't gone to school. You get the picture. I'm honestly at my wits end with everything. I feel like the biggest failure on earth.,-0.3557,negative,ashamed 2611,depressed,Beyond stuck and no one to talk to,listener_1,2,"Hey, I wanted to stop by, I didn't see any other comments and I think everyone should be able to have someone out there who's thinking about them. Don't get too down on yourself. You have a child you love, and a child who loves you. You are doing the best you can! You just need to hear some positive encouragement. Living in the US myself, there always is someone out there who will offer you a job, no matter the size of the town.",0.9553,positive,grateful 2611,depressed,Beyond stuck and no one to talk to,speaker,3,"Thank you. You're probably right, but not for this town. Im so screwed here. I don't have the money to move. Just for reference though, do you know how shitty it is to not have gas money to even take your kiddo to the park? Because that gas money has to last to get you to the grocery store?",-0.9039,negative,agreeing 2611,depressed,Beyond stuck and no one to talk to,listener_1,4,"I don't know what that feels like, it has to be terrible. I've had my own personal struggles but as I got older and learned more about other people's lives. What you must do just to keep food in your mouths. Unimaginable.",-0.2617,negative,sentimental 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,speaker,1,"For context im 27(m) and this is my first post, long time lurker. So im not trying to delve because I don't think anyone wants to hear my sob story. Long story short my mother died of cardiac arrest after a long battle with breast cancer last year on December 21st. About a month after that we thought my father was depressed, dehydrated and prolly drinking too much. Nope, found him on the ground on a routine visit, found out my father has a very aggressive glioblastoma (piece of shit brain cancer). After a battle with that my father inevitably passed away about a month ago. I have a 1 year old daughter. Im not here for upvotes. I honestly don't give a shit what any of you think at this point. But I'm falling deeper and deeper into alcoholism and it scares the shit out of me because I don't want to be a piece of shit and I would much rather be a good father. Sorry for ranting, but if anyone has advice I'd love to hear it.",-0.7156,negative,devastated 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,speaker,2,Also for context. Was diagnosed clinically depressed at 15. My parents taught me to work through it but this is obviously my all time low,-0.5859,negative,embarrassed 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,listener_1,3,"Have you actually received professional help, though? Therapy is absolutely crucial right now given your loss, the depression, and how that can affect you child.",-0.5106,negative,questioning 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,speaker,4,"Thanks this helps a lot, I don't mind reading. Luckily I have a brother and sister in my same position to lean on, and my boss lost one if his parents around my age so he gets it. Still trying to get to therapy tho",0.1275,positive,acknowledging 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,speaker,5,No im still trying to work myself into grief therapy. It's difficult to find time with a kid at home and work. I manage a heavy equipment garage and spend 10-12 hours a day driving and working. I know I need therapy it's just hard to drive myself to do it,-0.8074,negative,sad 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,listener_1,6,Make time. That's the bottom line. You are not helping either yourself or your child by being at home without seeking the help you desperately need. Think if you had an open wound that was continuing to bleed. It's only going to get worse. At what point do you go get help before you bleed to death?,-0.8763,negative,questioning 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,listener_2,7,"Yeah, therapy can be really hard to get coordinated, sometimes therapists can be flexible but you gotta ask lol. My therapist has sessions until 6pm and i know some therapists offer evening and weekend options. You gotta go therapist shopping though and it can feel like you're getting nowhere, but i promise you are. You just gotta do it, sometimes i have to ask a friend to schedule something for me the first time then i can like back out of it.",0.9295,positive,agreeing 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,speaker,8,Yea I've been thinking about just treating it like an er visit and I'll just fuckin worry about paying it later,-0.1761,negative,suggesting 2612,depressed,Both parents passed within the last 10 months. Im heavily depressed and slipping further into alcoholism. Would like advice,listener_2,9,"Yeah, shit can get expensive but its worth it and usually therapist have sliding scales for people who cant afford it :)",-0.3757,negative,neutral 2613,depressed,Lost my job... could use some reassurance,speaker,1,"I wouldn’t say I’m clinically depressed and there are a lot of people out there who are. But quick background on me. I graduated college in May with an accounting undergrad. My GPA was bad. I wasn’t good at my accounting classes and probably should’ve chose a different major. I enjoyed the classes I just wasn’t good at the tests. I got a job after college, today would’ve been my 5th month there. I got fired last Friday. I couldn’t even make it 6 months. The reason was “involuntary performance.” I’ve never been fired from a job before (highschool jobs). But i just feel lost. My parents are being supportive. The first 2 days this week I got up at 6:30am, went to the gym, went to the library and tried to catch up on reading. But the past two days. I can’t get anything good into my head. Everyday is getting worse. I went to the book store and I can’t find a book that will help. Even though I already have books I need to read. I’m scared to apply for a new job because I have 0 self confidence. I haven’t told any of my friends and I don’t have a mentor.",0.9261,positive,sad 2613,depressed,Lost my job... could use some reassurance,listener_1,2,"People have tons of jobs through their lives typically. Just from hearing your story, I can put together that you really did work hard and kinda got screwed. In any case, unless you really enjoy the job you are in, jobs are just that, money creators. You have the strength to find another, I promise! If you do enjoy the job, go grab another in the same field. Make friends with those people that interested in the same things. You can do it! Stay strong, feel free to DM me if you want! <3 Ps: involuntary in the reason for termination means it was a dumb hierarchy decision. Someone up high told your boss to fire someone, anyone, and your boss didn’t want to fire anyone. His/her hand was forced. So you did nothing wrong.",0.9527,positive,neutral 2613,depressed,Lost my job... could use some reassurance,speaker,3,Thank you so much! I may be DMing you later with questions,0.4199,positive,wishing 2613,depressed,Lost my job... could use some reassurance,speaker,4,"I’m going to go to the library in a couple hours, I’ll see if they got it. Thanks!!",0.5399,positive,wishing 2613,depressed,Lost my job... could use some reassurance,listener_1,5,Looking forward to it :),0.4588,positive,anticipating 2614,depressed,I just upped my Wellbutrin dose from 150mg to 300mg. Anyone know how long it will take for me to feel the difference?,speaker,1,"I was going through a major depression this summer. I finallly started taking Wellbutrin (generic bupropion) 150mg 6 weeks ago. And it helped me out quite a bit. But I'm still not out of the woods, feeling pretty down about half the time and still not wanting to get out of bed. My doctor upped me to 300mg. So, I'm wondering what I should expect and when. Thanks!",0.8269,positive,apprehensive 2614,depressed,I just upped my Wellbutrin dose from 150mg to 300mg. Anyone know how long it will take for me to feel the difference?,listener_1,2,"It's not immediate but it's not nearly as long as it took you to start feeling something when you first started taking Wellbutrin. Maybe a week or two? I'm already on 300mg but I'm trying to remember when they upped my other meds when I was falling into a severe episode. Sorry I can't be more exact, I've been on the same doses for almost 10 years now. But I do know it's not as long as it took for it to first start having an effect when you began the medication.",-0.6124,negative,neutral 2614,depressed,I just upped my Wellbutrin dose from 150mg to 300mg. Anyone know how long it will take for me to feel the difference?,speaker,3,Thanks so much for your reply. This is very encouraging!,0.7836,positive,acknowledging 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",speaker,1,"Hypothetically, what would you say if I was going to commit suicide tonight. Hypothetically.",-0.5106,negative,questioning 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",listener_1,2,"I don't know you personally...obviously...are you a bad/evil person? If so we have enough of those asshole here anyway. If your the opposite, I would be extremely disappointed...... .....hypothetically of course",-0.5256,negative,agreeing 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",listener_2,3,"Even if you're bad or evil you can change. If it's just a general sadness about a situation, your situation can get better. If you're just sad, seek therapy or meds. In my mind, suicide is never the answer, you're just taking one more amazing human away.",-0.9083,negative,consoling 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",listener_1,4,I don't want to turn this into a debate..but are you saying evil f*cks out there have every right to live as a good Samaritan? Pedos and those who scam/steal for a living should co exist with all?...not according to me,-0.4735,negative,agreeing 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",listener_2,5,"Personally I think that everyone has the right to be able to coexist, like obviously a murderer should go to prison, but I think that they should be given the chance to rejoin society through good behavior and other things",0.4854,positive,suggesting 2615,depressed,"Hey, so",speaker,6,Jumping off a bridge has a lot more gravitas.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2616,depressed,How do you make the sadness go away...,speaker,1,I’ve had it for 8 years and it has ruined relationships and opportunities for me. I just don’t want to go on this roller coaster of emotions anymore.,-0.0516,negative,sad 2616,depressed,How do you make the sadness go away...,listener_1,2,"Sadness is always around us,same thing with happiness.it is for you to choose which one do you want to rule over your everyday life..",-0.3818,negative,sad 2616,depressed,How do you make the sadness go away...,listener_2,3,"i wish, i wish it would be that easy 🤣🤣",0.9287,positive,neutral 2617,depressed,The worst thing is when you are your own enemy,speaker,1,"I spent the night just picturing myself stabbing myself over and over again. I don't know if I wanted to kill myself or just hurt myself. Everything that happens to be is because of me, because of my mind, always overthinking. Or that's what people seem to think. How can I be the worst person in my life?",-0.9217,negative,ashamed 2617,depressed,The worst thing is when you are your own enemy,listener_1,2,I overthink everything too and it has made me pretty miserable. I’ve recently been trying random “mindfulness meditation” videos on YouTube and have been surprised at how much it actually helps. You practice being “present” instead of in your head. It’s a legit skill I realize now and I’d say it’s helped me a lot,0.5423,positive,impressed 2617,depressed,The worst thing is when you are your own enemy,speaker,3,Thanks. I'll check this out,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,speaker,1,"I starve myself, as much as I can, eating as little as possible, just enough to keep me from blacking out at work. On my days off my diet consists of maybe a granola bar and a yogurt, and on work days it's not much better. Usually I wake up hungry because of this, I wake up feeling nauseous, weak, skinnier. But not today, today I woke up energized, awake, and the feeling of being hungry was gone. I honestly felt, well, *healthy* again. Then I left my room, and smelled my roommates making breakfast, and here I am feeling hungry again. It's not that I choose to eat to lose weight or anything, I'm too skinny as it is and I know that and can see that. It's just that no matter how hard I try to eat I just can't make myself, but that's okay right? At least I haven't passed out in front of anyone because of it yet..",0.8976,positive,grateful 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,listener_1,2,This isn’t normal eating. What’s bothering you? Sounds as if you are trying to punish yourself. You may be developing an ED.,-0.7184,negative,questioning 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,speaker,3,It really feels like it. And I'm honestly not trying not to eat like most anorexic people are said to do. I had a super rough episode that almosy ended in a suicide I think 2 or 3 weeks ago and ever since I just *couldn't* eat at all.,0.4711,positive,ashamed 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,speaker,4,"I'm already going to therapy and all of my few friends always try to force me to eat even when I'm not with them, it's just that for some reason I can't force it down",0.4767,positive,annoyed 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,speaker,5,I wish I could put down that much food right now honestly,0.6908,positive,impressed 2618,depressed,Usually I wake up hungry,listener_2,6,Don't let others tell you what to what to eat. Eat what you feel comfortable with. None else knows how much and for how long you hunger but yourself :-),0.5574,positive,questioning 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,speaker,1,"I've been feeling depressed for almost two years now. It started just before my ex left me, which obviously deepened my depression when she did. I think I was being depressed because I knew something was off in our relationship. We used to have such a complicity, I genuinely started to believe about the soulmate thing. While I respect her decision, I've never been able to understand how it got to that point. I don't think I ever will, and somehow I feel like this is the root cause of my depression. Was it me? Did I say or do something wrong? I've never got a clear answer, only that she wasn't in love with me. Were there signs that she wasn't? And if so, why didn't I see them? They say that love blinds. I think it's true. For more than a year I've been trying to reconstruct myself emotionnally. It feels like my tries are useless. I've become increasingly immersed in an unending solitude. I feel like I've become a stranger to everyone. My friends, my brother, my parents. I fear going on dates. I fear being rejected. After all, the person I used to love the most did just that. And even if I wasn't rejected, I feel it would be unjust to the other person to deal with my current mental state. I've decided to seek help. I'm in a waiting list to see a psychologist. I know I have a mental disorder. There's something else than depression at play. Some sort of affective disorder. I fear what I might come to do if I don't get help soon. I don't want that. If you're in a similar situation, first : hello fellow depressionaut. Second : I know how you feel, seek help as soon as possible. Don't stay alone with your problems. Some people want to help you.",-0.928,negative,sad 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,listener_1,2,Next year february its gonna be a full year aince my depression kicked in (and me). Hopefully by that time things are gonna be sorted out. If not then i may have movee on from it (ehich is unlikely) or i may not be there to see the day or i may just be waiting and waiting and waiting for an answer that will never arrive and i will never reach the truth.,-0.4653,negative,hopeful 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,listener_1,3,"But good luck in seeing the psychologist. I wanna know whats it like to be treated by a professional, so see if you can keep me updated.",0.9022,positive,wishing 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,speaker,4,"I've talked to a friend of mine. She's the only person I know that I don't fear talking of this kind of things with. She suggested I see a psychologist. She said it helped her. I don't have a date for my first meeting yet, but it should be in 4 to 5 weeks. I'll try to remember to update you. But don't wait for my input, I encourage you to seek help as soon as possible. One year is a hell of a long time to feel depressed.",-0.2349,negative,trusting 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,listener_1,5,"The time flew by so quickly in my room that i dont even notice it now. I wake up in the morning, ho to college, come back at around 4-5, have lunch, maybe play games or take a nap, eat dinner if i am feeling it (most of the time i am not) and then go to sleep. This cycle repeats over and over. Never stopping.",0.5178,positive,nostalgic 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,speaker,6,"That also has been my routine for a long time now. I'm sick of it. I want to feel something else than sadness, anger and solitude.",-0.8625,negative,lonely 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,speaker,7,"Thank you kind human. For a long time I've been debating if I should go or not. The last thing I want is to get a diagnosis and then use it as an excuse for anything I do wrong. I've also never been the kind of person to share his feelings, hoping that time would heal the scars. That mindset has failed me, I can see that now.",0.6249,positive,trusting 2619,depressed,I've decided to seek help.,speaker,8,"I can't even imagine how painful that must have felt. When she left me, I told her that I wasn't strong enough to keep her as a friend. Even now, when I see some of my friends share some of her drawings (She as a unique style, I would recognize it anywhere), my heart skips a beat, my throat tightens and my eyes get wet. I think that when you've really loved someone, you always will. Time will help, but in order to heal, you need to get any help you can.",0.8897,positive,sentimental 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,speaker,1,I just got scammed out of $30 and I have no reason that I can explain it to my parents. Thinking about ending everything and could really use some help,0.1935,positive,devastated 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,speaker,2,I really need someone to talk to right now,0.0,neutral,lonely 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,listener_1,3,Ending your life for $30? You're worth 100 million times more than that. The scam was a $30 lesson and you learned from it--your day can go on and you can still be happy!,0.2942,positive,angry 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,listener_2,4,Hey,0.0,neutral,wishing 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,speaker,5,Hello,0.0,neutral,wishing 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,speaker,6,It’s not about losing the $30 it’s more about how I can’t explain it when my parents found out it’s gone.,0.2924,positive,devastated 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,speaker,7,Yeah I know. It’s just really hard and explaining it would be very VERY difficult. And even if they did there’s only $3 left!,-0.5558,negative,agreeing 2620,depressed,Scammed and suicidal,listener_3,8,Word I feel that. Sometimes it’s those super difficult things to explain that are the worse. If you want feel free to say you got scammed in a different way from how you actually did. And of course your parents might be upset but I bet they’d be a lot more upset if they never got to see you smile again😁. And like I said you are worth soooo much more than $30 and you’re worth sooo much more than an awkward situation.,0.8487,positive,agreeing 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,1,"My friends dont care about me my friends dont take me to outside or parties, I cry beacuase I feel lonely. There is no one to talk to. I’ve written this text 4 times. All my friends are all having fun while Im crying on a park bench. They simply don’t want me there even though i make them laugh everyday. I was writing this at home but I suddenly got a snap from my friends and my gut told me look at it and so I did. I saw the snap and there she was my crush that is, and I feel so FUCKING MAD beacuase i was not invited. And I nedded to go outside deal with these emotion somehow..The messed up part is that the party is being held at one of my friends house. The pain, I want to commit suicide but I know that Im just going to make my family sad and I dont want that, I cant take it anymore it hurts being so lonely I dont know what to do.",-0.9604,negative,lonely 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_1,2,"Hey, I know it sucks right now and I won't try to say the obvious stuff that you already know. I think it is really strong that you think about your family even while you are this sad.. if you want someone to talk to I am open and will listen and try to give you some genuine advice",-0.3031,negative,caring 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,3,"If it weren’t for my parents I would’ve already taken my life, seeing them smile prevents me from doing anything bad. In case you have Discord, my Discord is Sage#2039 we can talk if you wanna.",-0.7269,negative,grateful 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,4,Im looking but these people that I hang out with at school are the closest thing to friends.,0.631,positive,faithful 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,5,"I cant even find that one friend either. Its like something is preventing me from being happy, punishing me for absolutely nothing. I listen to what people have to say and make them feel better about themselves but when they finish talking to me I dont even exist. Sage#2039 this is my Discord dont know but I feel like leaving it here.",0.5423,positive,lonely 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,6,"I know real friends dont really do that, and I know that I dont really have to go to parties but thats all they do on the weekends they dont even ask if I wanna go outside and just hang out. I live in Sweden so everyone knows everyone basically I know majority of the people in the city I live in and I can’t seem to find the friends that genuinely care for me literally tried everything I could think of but to no avail.",0.8608,positive,lonely 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_2,7,"Oh no, maybe opportunity will present itself in the future. I hope you don't lose hope and you somehow get through this :) Would it work if you told them you wanted to join them?",0.8821,positive,suggesting 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,8,I want them to ask me becuase if they see me as a friend they would want me there sure they would probably say yes if I asked but wouldn’t have fun cuz they dont even want me there.,0.8409,positive,apprehensive 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,9,"I totally get you. Also I love that you thought of your family. Whenever I have suicidal thoughts, its the same thing that stops me. The thought of my parents having to deal with it. I know what it’s like to feel like the universe is against you. My god it sucks. And I honestly can’t give you any advice on how to feel better coz I haven’t figured it out myself. Ranting and talking to strangers on reddit has actually helped me so much. Im bad at giving advice but I’m a good listener. So feel free to rant to me. I unfortunately don’t use discord tho :/",-0.0037,neutral,agreeing 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_2,10,I think the fact that they'll say yes means they want you there. Maybe you should try it sometime :) Best of luck!,0.9259,positive,wishing 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_4,11,"Excuse my language. But fuck them...they are friends with each other, not with you. Go hang out in the library for a few days...scope out the area and scout to see if you can join a table of one, 2 or 3. Don't attempt to join a group who are clearly friends with one another, or you'll be back to square one. And maybe your current ""friends"" will now realize they took you for granted and will treat you wayyy better.",0.9711,positive,suggesting 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,speaker,12,"Well I feel a bit better now I also got a day of from school but that does not really help me feel less lonely tho, but a day of from school I should not even be complaining lol. Just trying to stay positve😌",0.6668,positive,content 2621,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,13,Niceee hope you enjoyed your day off. Id spend the day binging some tv show if I were you.,0.7351,positive,encouraging 2622,depressed,Literally nothing going right,speaker,1,I feel like I keep myself alive just incase I might be happy one day. It's obviously not gonna happen. Nothing in my life goes right. Not one thing. I don't have a purpose. Very few people would care about my death. I don't enjoy life and probably never will. I'm sick of pretending. Lying to myself that I wake up with a purpose. I don't. I fool myself. Im mostly in a cloud all day. Not even realising that I'm doing nothing with my life. Then at night it's like I wake up and realise I'm literally nothing.,0.8434,positive,ashamed 2622,depressed,Literally nothing going right,listener_1,2,"When you focus on negativity that is what you'll breed internally. Look into the rice experiment...very interesting study. 3 jars of rice. 1. Love: positive words to it only 2. Hate: only receiving negative energy 3. Neutral: just that. No hate or love After a few weeks of this, the rice with love looked very good to eat. Neutral, you could eat if desperate; and the hate jar looked toxic. Words, thoughts and feelings do matter. Stick with positive vibes or at the very least neutral vibes.",0.7665,positive,disgusted 2622,depressed,Literally nothing going right,speaker,3,Maybe I just need to try harder. Thanks,0.4404,positive,suggesting 2623,depressed,It's been a tough 2 weeks....,speaker,1,"I haven't been depressed since I started dating my fiancee but these last two week, my depression came back to full seinf except now, it's competing in my mind for dominance against my anxiety. Now, I've never been suicidal and never will be but damn life's been getting rough. I know this will pass but at the moment, I'm exhausted. Bill's everywhere, family all over the place, fiancee getting annoyed and rightly so, and my weight is at an all time high. I need a break even it was just for a day or two. I know there is no question to ask or any advice given but I just wanted to put this out here. See it maybe writing/typing it out somewhere would help even a little. I could just use a day where I don't cry so I can fix this depression.",-0.9071,negative,sad 2623,depressed,It's been a tough 2 weeks....,listener_1,2,I know how you're feeling as I am going through the exact same situation right now. Its exhaustion. Something has to give you're out of energy. I'm trying to change jobs so I'm not commuting 3 hours day to a shit job. Rather work at a shit job thats closer lol See what you can change up and good luck x x,0.1531,positive,wishing 2623,depressed,It's been a tough 2 weeks....,speaker,3,Thanks. Slowly working on changing some things to get better but it is a hell of a slow process!,-0.6996,negative,acknowledging 2623,depressed,It's been a tough 2 weeks....,listener_1,4,But just taking action gives you hope. Rather tha sitting there feeling trapped.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2623,depressed,It's been a tough 2 weeks....,listener_1,5,"Also I know what you mean about the weight, I have PACKED it on being stressed like this. I just got to remember when I remove the stress the weight will drop off. It's impossible to sort life and lose weight so just try not to focus on the weight cause you'll do your head in I know its easier said than done but when you're stressed weightloss is a nightmare",-0.6652,negative,hopeful 2624,depressed,"Male, 27, father to a 2 yr/o. My wife divorced me. Sinking in debt. Being faced with a criminal charge for something I didn’t do. Been depressed for months.",speaker,1,My wife officially divorced me about a month ago. She’s seeing someone new and I only get our daughter once a week. I’m grateful for the time I get with my daughter. She reminds me that life is worth moving forward. I still feel bouts of depression throughout my days. I constantly am fearful of being put in jail for something I didn’t commit. (long story). I’m constantly worried about my daughter forgetting who I am. I feel like giving up most days but I don’t want to. Please help me keep moving forward with some advice or tips on how you all have managed to keep going through very hard times like these. I’m sad often. It’s like I constantly fret on a doomed outcome.,0.3195,positive,lonely 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,1,"For a while now I’ve needed to scream, needed to scream out to all the people ignoring what’s going on with me but I can’t. I’ve been looking for some fucked up part of the internet where I can talk to others that want to kill themselves without them giving me the “don’t do it, you’ll regret it and be missed” speech, but I can’t seem to find it... so I suppose r/depressed will have to do. For years now I’ve felt fucked up but these last 2 years I’ve felt hopeless, broken and just done and there isn’t anything left for me. I’ve been to counselling (it was shit), I’ve been to the doctor and they did fuck all so really I just want to let go. there’s no way that I’ll be cured from the fucked up conflicting thoughts that I battle everyday so why don’t I just shut them up. I’ll kill them, and if it kills me too, I guess that’s just the way it is. When I walk down the hallways, sit in class or eat with my friends at lunch my mind plays a fun game with me - “who hates me today” - I don’t know how to control the self destructive paranoia that messes with me everyday, it’s becoming to much to cope with, my friends all think that I’m a paranoid freak that’s about yo self destruct any minute! And the worst thing is that they’re not wrong, I’m constantly checking if people are annoyed at me or hate me and fuck I’d find that annoying. There’s so much more to say but i guess I just want to know: Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone long for a group of fucked up like-minds?",-0.9988,negative,ashamed 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_1,2,"I've been looking for a friend with whom I could talk to irl about my mental health and despite my efforts I didn't find anyone who gives a shit. I tried to open up more and voice my problems, but no one listened. So I became even more withdrawn and gave up on life almost completely. Currently I'm planning my suicide, but still am hoping that I find something or someone that could give me a reason to continue living before I end it all. In short... I feel you",-0.8126,negative,disappointed 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,3,"You don’t need to talk to people irl, I’m setting up at gc on kik for people to talk and get through their problems together",-0.4019,negative,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,4,"Please dm, maybe we can get through this together because I feel the same way :)",0.6486,positive,suggesting 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_2,5,"Hey, please talk to me about it. I'm all ears. I understand your pain. I have been depressed as well. Don't do anything drastic, please. HMU anytime!",-0.2942,negative,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_3,6,i hear you. it’s hard when people don’t understand. are you looking for someone to give you advice or for someone to relate to?,-0.1027,negative,questioning 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,7,Yeah!,0.3595,positive,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,8,"Yeah! Like I think about killing myself 85% of the day but I just am kinda scared i guess, I haven’t found the perfect way for me yet.",0.378,positive,apprehensive 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,9,Someone to relate to I guess :),0.4588,positive,suggesting 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,10,I guess you get so wrapped up and isolated that you don’t realise that you’re not alone,-0.1431,negative,lonely 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,11,Are you ‘better’ now and if so how did you get ‘better’,0.0,neutral,questioning 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_3,12,hit me up then.. i might not be reliable tho because i’m not on my phone that much,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_2,13,"Wouldn't say that I'm drastically better. I still question existence a lot and ruminate as well. However, I'm functional. I try to engage myself in physical labour as much as possible, keeps my thoughts at bay. Give your body and mind time to heal. Take it very slowly. Depression can also be due to inflammation, it can be due to chronic stress. It's okay, breathe.",0.1335,positive,content 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_4,14,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_5,15,Right on brother...most can't see the forest from the trees 😉,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,16,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_5,17,"Forgive me, but I crept on your activity and see you are trying to start a social club with those who too are struggling. Just want to say you're going to help yourself and so many others and I'm proud of you man 😊",0.9325,positive,proud 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,18,Thank you! :),0.6996,positive,wishing 2625,depressed,The truth,speaker,19,Yeah I’ve recently started going to the gym and that helps a little ig,0.5859,positive,agreeing 2625,depressed,The truth,listener_2,20,"The sound of heavy machinery reduces the chatter in my head and I like to be tired at the end of the day, so I don't have energy for thinking or anything else. I just wanna fall asleep.",-0.2991,negative,content 2626,depressed,Help!,speaker,1,"So I'm 16 and shits not good atm, my parents divorced 3 years ago and I'm still not over it I have a gf but were on bad terms and my so called mates take the piss out of me for being with her and this upsets me I just feel like disappearing for good and feeling no pain. I haven't been truly happy for years. I need help, to thinking positive and being happy again. I play hockey and my sad thoughts are affecting that too. I just need some way to be happy again. Can anyone help me? Cos nothing seems to work at the moment.",0.9096,positive,sad 2626,depressed,Help!,listener_1,2,"I've noticed a common theme on this sub reddit...it's most here have assholes for friends. I know it's not easy replacing friends with new ones. But if you start trying to meet others while brushing off you current friends, they'll realize quickly they need to start treating you better.",0.7217,positive,annoyed 2626,depressed,Help!,speaker,3,Yeah maybe I should it's just hard to let go of a friendships I've had for years,0.5267,positive,suggesting 2626,depressed,Help!,listener_1,4,"How can you consider them friends when they make you want to disappear? Perhaps you were good friends at one time, but it's obvious it's not the case at the moment.",0.5789,positive,lonely 2626,depressed,Help!,speaker,5,I also wonder if its the girl I'm with maybe I can do better and I feel like ending it with her to be honest and try focusing on myself,0.8271,positive,suggesting 2626,depressed,Help!,listener_1,6,"Now you're thinking. Don't stay in relationships because it's the right thing to do. Both involved needs to be happy, not feeling like it's forced. Get rid of as much toxicity as possible.",-0.1974,negative,questioning 2626,depressed,Help!,speaker,7,In the end I got rid of the girl and I feel better and my mates are now closer to me I think whe was the toxic one tbh. Now I can focus on myself,0.4404,positive,lonely 2626,depressed,Help!,listener_1,8,Right on brother. Short term pain for long term gain.,0.0258,neutral,agreeing 2626,depressed,Help!,speaker,9,Thankyou so much man! I appreciate you so much!!!,0.5951,positive,grateful 2626,depressed,Help!,listener_1,10,So glad I helped in any way 😊,0.8516,positive,grateful 2627,depressed,I hate being alive but I'm scared to die.,speaker,1,"Nothing ever goes my way. Each and every day just feels like a slow slog through hell and when I finally start to cope everything gets turned upside down again. I just want to be happy, to be loved by the person I love, to not wake up feeling like this for once in my life. My heart physically hurts from the mental anguish I struggle with.",0.7923,positive,devastated 2627,depressed,I hate being alive but I'm scared to die.,listener_1,2,I think a good way to address this is to let those feelings out. Maybe you could cry or release the tension somehow. Take breaks when doing working too so that you won't overexert yourself :) I recommend exercise since it releases endorphins and lessens stress,-0.6463,negative,suggesting 2627,depressed,I hate being alive but I'm scared to die.,listener_2,3,It's the prime factor keeping me alive.,0.3818,positive,faithful 2627,depressed,I hate being alive but I'm scared to die.,listener_3,4,Same there,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2628,depressed,How to tell your parents you are depressed?,speaker,1,Right now i need some advise. I am depressed and don't know how to tell it to my parents. I am scared how they would react and would really appreciate advise.,-0.4951,negative,apprehensive 2628,depressed,How to tell your parents you are depressed?,listener_1,2,"Parents want their child/children succeed in life, and when that happens they did their job right. If something is holding you back because of depression, a good parent will help you through it...so definitely tell them. Nip it at the butt before it gets worse like a cancer.",0.2732,positive,agreeing 2628,depressed,How to tell your parents you are depressed?,speaker,3,I'll try,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,speaker,1,"I'm posting here because I couldn't find a subreddit that is more appropriate. Full disclosure: I am not diagnosed with depression but I sure feel like I should be. If this doesn't belong here, please let me know. Thanks. For the past several weeks I've been having this nagging suspicion that I've stumbled across a secret I was never meant to find. I don't think happiness is a real thing. I am starting to firmly believe that happiness is something we are expected to pretend to feel... that's it's a comfy social construct that we're all expected to subscribe to in order to keep the peace, to make sure nobody around us feels awkward if we should break through the fourth wall and express how we REALLY feel. It's like a code word for ""keep your fucking mouth shut, plaster a big stupid grin on your face and say it's all OK"". I look around me and realize that NOBODY is ""happy"". Not really. They all look like they're going through the motions and faking it.... they're telling everyone that they're great and everything is fine... they're telling each other stupid jokes and eating junk food and watching TV... but, I really think they're all just distracting themselves from life. I know I am. Maybe I'm wrong? Maybe you really can feel happiness despite being an adult and seeing what the world is really like? I don't know. All I DO know is that, when I look at the world around me, I see nothing but shit and people who are forcing themselves to deal with the shit and putting up a good front. I don't think happiness is a feeling... I think it's an abstract concept that we've been told we're supposed to be by ""faking it 'til we make it"". Any thoughts?",0.988,positive,apprehensive 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,listener_1,2,"I find it hard to believe anyone can be truely happy but i dont know. With how soul crushing life is it just seems like you can only try and make the most of it. Finding like minded people searching for a purpose a lover can help fill the void, but i dont see it as true happiness its like finding means to cope for something you dont really have control over. Ive seen a few professionals and made similar remarks, but they havent really been able to provide much of any answers to those sort of ""philosophical"" things as one of them put it. Makes you feel like your on the outside looking in on a world that doesnt really make sense. Hopefully society will change in the future. Theyd just rather not see the problems that plague others around them. Depression homelessness are the best examples that come to mind. As long as they dont have to deal with it they can remain untouched and live in the bubble of safety that is ""happiness""",0.9934,positive,neutral 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,speaker,3,"This is where I struggle. I've always been a chronic realist and overanalyze everything as well. This is a lethal combination when you're trying to get through life without curling into the fetal position and crying until you throw up. I have a theory that the health care and insurance companies are conspiring with each other to keep us all stressed, anxious, sick and exhausted. It's too wordy and tin foil hat to discuss here, but it's just one of the factors that I believe is deterring more and more people from being happy.",0.2263,positive,anxious 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,listener_2,4,I understand this comment and this post deeply.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,listener_3,5,I struggle with over analyzing things too. But how do you close your eyes once they have finally been open? I'm finding it harder and harder to fake a smile because I cant get over the fact that shit is so messed up it isnt even worth it.,-0.9184,negative,sad 2629,depressed,Do you ever start to wonder if happiness actually exists?,listener_2,6,good ideas thanks,0.7003,positive,acknowledging 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,speaker,1,"Depression isn't always sadness, crying, the inability to eat, or sleeping for half your day; sometimes it's painfully vivid yet beautiful imagery that haunts and cripples you- like a bloodstained seraphim, who's maimed wings are patched with shards of metal and clockwork gizmos held together by nothing more then scraps of cloth and caked blood.",-0.1129,negative,sad 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_1,2,"Take a long walk, that is mostly a straight line. No corners every minute. Also it has to be cold, dunno why but it always makes me focused",0.5023,positive,confident 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_2,3,thats why Im depressed for so long as I cannot go out walking like I used to since I have a sore left ankle and a sore right big toe which will be getting surgery..,-0.7003,negative,sad 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_3,4,"Some days are unbearable. I’m already dreading tomorrow, I can’t deal with the stress. The nights are my favorites even though they can be painful at the same time",-0.743,negative,anticipating 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_4,5,I am being murdered basically by my countries poor health care system. I've been in a waiting list for over a year. If you have access to it please seek help!,-0.1511,negative,hopeful 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_3,6,"I have. There isn’t much they can do. Psychologists can only do so much and there isn’t necessarily a cure. I feel like we’re all fucked. Do you ever take walks, it helps for me",-0.0772,negative,sad 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_4,7,Cognitive behavioural therapy actually works. It is just very difficult to do and it helps to have a professional work you through it. Beyond that antidepressants that work can also be nice in fixing it. When I still had time to take walks I didn't have the energy. The depression just saps all of my strength away. Somehow I can manage for work though which is weird,-0.1045,negative,grateful 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_3,8,"Are you feeling any better today? I feel like usual today, like trash. I’m tired and bored. I was supposed to take a walk today but I’m just too tired to.",-0.3919,negative,sad 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_3,9,Same. I have no issue worrying every day but walking and doing simple stuff is a pain in the ass,-0.8829,negative,annoyed 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,speaker,10,"This used to work for me, but recently being alone in my head isn't a fun place.",-0.723,negative,lonely 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,speaker,11,"I've almost watched all of star trek, it's a good distraction; I've got a beastly gaming PC but can't find the will to get up and use it.",0.0387,neutral,prepared 2630,depressed,How do you clear your mind?,listener_4,12,"Trying to distract myself with work. Overall I'm not too great, but at least better than yesterday. I hope you can recuperate from your awful position. Don't push yourself but do things when they feel natural to do.",0.6373,positive,content 2631,depressed,The come down,speaker,1,"I don’t know if any of y’all do drugs (i don’t really) but if you know what a come down is, well that’s how I feel everyday. It’s partially my fault because I try to pretend I’m happy in the mornings but by 12ish all the upbeat musical songs can’t save me from the sadness installed in me. Every morning I wait for my bus and I listen to a musical soundtrack to get me hyped for the day and to trick my brain into thinking it isn’t at war with itself, however this doesn’t last all day because my 12pm (ish) Im back to planning my death. I think a lot about the way i’d do it, how it would effect my family, how much pain it’d cause me. But I never go through with it in the end by the time I get home I throw myself into revision or the gym until night time when the thoughts return. Does anyone else experience this? Let me know how you feel",-0.9253,negative,sad 2631,depressed,The come down,listener_1,2,Please look into 432 Hz vs 440 Hz (frequency) and try and listen to the former.,0.3182,positive,suggesting 2631,depressed,The come down,speaker,3,What does that even mean?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2631,depressed,The come down,speaker,4,I feel you :),0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2631,depressed,The come down,listener_1,5,Hope this helps in understanding: https://youtu.be/yKhEhPwhviE,0.6705,positive,consoling 2631,depressed,The come down,speaker,6,Thankyou :),0.4588,positive,wishing 2631,depressed,The come down,listener_1,7,Hey no problem. I never knew about frequencies myself...but it does seem apparent 440 Hz is a dirty frequency. And music 100% affects ones mood,-0.1635,negative,agreeing 2632,depressed,Is it normal for Behavioral facilities to take long to set up your first appointment? *In the US*,speaker,1,"I tried reaching out to a behavioral facility that offers help with depression and suicide idealization. This process has taken about 2 months to get someone to get me assigned. I first contacted the hotline through the text messaging and they gave me links to find affordable help. The hotline wasn't really helpful but the links did help me find a place nearby. The majority of their cases seem to revolve around children as their website has it plastered everywhere but they do also cater to adults. I called them on August 27 and the lady just asked me fill some forms and then to send her an email with the filled out forms and the signed documents. I do it all in within 30 minutes or so and then send it back and don't hear anything back for a week. I email again and she finally emails back with a rate for the sessions. I like the rates and I accept to them and she then says she will work on getting me assigned to a clinician. I hear nothing for a couple of days then I email her again on September 16 asking her if she knows if I have already been assigned. I think maybe I was assigned and the person that I was assigned to never contacted me or they had the wrong phone number. So then she emails me back saying they are still working on it and she asks me what days I would be interested in (this my first hint that she hasn't been working on anything and she probably forgot I even existed or that I needed help...I also think that maybe she is overloaded with work but my brain is playing games with me). I then tell her I can do Fridays and the time frame that would be ideal. She says she will contact me again once she has a time frame available. I decided to email them once again asking her if she has a time available for me (I apologize to her in every email because I bet she has a lot to do and I hate to bother anyone with my sorry existence but I really need the help so what am I supposed to do but to ask for forgiveness???). Then she just emails me telling me the name of the person I have been assigned and that person should contact me within 24hours or the next day. I wait another week and today I decided to email her again (apologizing once more because fuck it at this point I feel like I really am a nuisance) and I ask her for the email or the phone extension number of the therapist I was assigned to so that I can contact her myself (because obviously she isn't). At this point I am starting to wonder if I should even continue with this. Maybe this is a way for life to tell me I am fine and I need no help and just to move on. I don't know if this also warning signs that I should be paying attention that this isn't a place in which I am going to find the help I need. I don't know if this is regular amount of wait time. I know someone who goes to this place too and her session was pushed forward because she was in a ""worse"" condition. I honestly don't know what to think and I was looking to get some input from people who have gotten help and have gone through the system. Anyways thank you for taking your time reading this post.",0.9532,positive,apprehensive 2632,depressed,Is it normal for Behavioral facilities to take long to set up your first appointment? *In the US*,listener_1,2,"Its fairly normal. My dad set up my appointment for me and he told me that the next schedule was two months away. The only reason why I got a schedule that week was because he told them that it was an emergency and so they squeezed me in. After that first contact with a psychiatrist, I was then sent to a behavioral hospital for five days just so they could stabilize me out of my suicide plans. (Pro tip: if you don’t want to be hospitalized, do not relay suicide plans to psych UNLESS URGENT) but yeah. I regretted being too open to my doctor at first but after my hospital stay, I was kind of grateful that I told her those details. I got a well deserved break from reality and I’m doing a little better nowadays too.",0.8263,positive,trusting 2632,depressed,Is it normal for Behavioral facilities to take long to set up your first appointment? *In the US*,speaker,3,"Thank you for the protip I will definitely follow it. I'm currently in school and I cant afford to be put in a mental hospital. I would waste time in there honestly and it would make me feel even worse. But anyways the suicide idealization has decreased since 2 months ago. I think I am going to go to the counseling sessions available at school while I wait for someone to assist me at the other place. I'm just so tired of feeling like I'm drowning in my own emotions. Congratulations on getting better too! I look forward to those days too. I'm sorry you had to go through that hospital stay, it must have been rough but you pulled through and I'm thankful you're here commenting on my post.",0.9095,positive,agreeing 2632,depressed,Is it normal for Behavioral facilities to take long to set up your first appointment? *In the US*,listener_1,4,"Going to school counseling sessions first is a huge step! That was my first step too, in getting help. I feel you on the drowning part. I feel the same too. I still have down days but as long as you force yourself to pull-through, you’ll live to see better days ahead. Maybe the better days aren’t going to happen sooner than expected, but they’re up ahead. I’m very happy you’re taking the initiative to get help and I hope that you feel better soon!",0.9827,positive,grateful 2633,depressed,Surviving for how long?,speaker,1,"“Be strong, it will pass” that’s what everyone is telling but it’s been half of my life that I feel fucked up, broken and hopeless. None of my friends understand what I’m feeling which means nothing inside. I’m like empty af. I’m still waiting for someone who can feel or at least truly understand my feelings but it seems that it will never happen. Everyday I put my mask, that smiling face and at the end of the day, I just want to end it. I’m suffocating of all of this. I’m acting every single, pretending everything is fine. Even try to convince myself but it won’t work. I did try therapy, it was shit, never going back again. I was on medication, it felt better for a time and then the depressed feelings went back. It’s vicious cycle that I can’t get out but just get in and in, never out. I’m stuck inside, turning around. I’ve tried to talk to someone from my family, she said that everything was in my head, that I just have to put more effort and stronger. She’s funny, I was trying my best for a couple months where I was still on medication. And now, since I’ve stopped it, I feel worst than ever. I feel like trash. I lost my appetite or I don’t really sleep because of my insomnia. My anxiety and my depressed feelings are getting worst everyday. I don’t want to go back to therapy, and I don’t want either to go back on medication just to feel good for a moment and then get worst than ever. I’m not living, I’m surviving everyday for how long?",-0.9756,negative,disappointed 2633,depressed,Surviving for how long?,listener_1,2,"Dm me, I feel the same way :)",0.4588,positive,agreeing 2633,depressed,Surviving for how long?,speaker,3,"I’ve to pretend in any case with my family, they came from nothing, they escaped the war, they arrived in a country where they didn’t even speak the language. They work so hard to get me the best education. Since my first year in business school, they put so much pressure on me. And now I’ve finished it’s even worst. They expect so much of me. They never went to school. They cannot even read or write, I had to do it for them when I was younger, and still now. I cannot tell them how I feel, I’ve tried it’ll just be stronger, it’s just a phase. It’s just phase that last since forever. Btw we never talk about feelings or whatever so how can I be truthful with them, when their lives have been much more harder than mine? Concerning my friends, they don’t really understand my family situation, because we’re not from the same background.",0.0401,neutral,trusting 2633,depressed,Surviving for how long?,listener_2,4,I couldn’t have said it better myself!,0.4926,positive,proud 2634,depressed,what do i do,speaker,1,i’m extremely depressed and unmotivated. i graduated high school early and decided to not go to college. i don’t do anything. part of it is a lack of interest in things and the other part is not wanting to pursue anything even a hobby bc i fear it will worsen my manic behaviors. i see a therapist and everything and i’ve been on medications but i don’t like them. i want to be myself but i constrict myself from doing anything. i don’t socialize other then with my family and boyfriend. it’s not for lack of trying either (at least not fully) but i only have 2 friends and they both live too far away to see them on a regular basis. i’m not sure what to do anymore. i don’t feel suicidal just extremely unfulfilled. i don’t have motivation to make steps in changing my situation as much as i want to.,-0.72,negative,lonely 2634,depressed,what do i do,listener_1,2,"First, find what you like to do in life and focus on it. Then make it you job.",0.3612,positive,hopeful 2634,depressed,what do i do,speaker,3,the things i like are what people consider to be more hobbies of isolation and i don’t even have motivation to do those,0.235,positive,neutral 2634,depressed,what do i do,listener_1,4,"Can you give me an example of what you like to do? I used to be like that and I was really into videogames, a hobby for most people. I searched a way to work into gaming and today I have my own studio. It takes time but the motivation comes along the way. Don't give up.",0.6808,positive,questioning 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,speaker,1,"When we are abused as children, physically, verbally screamed at, humiliated and shamed, we divorce ourselves from our needs, we even feel ashamed of having needs and we develop people pleasing, approval seeking, validation seeking and codependency, because this is what our childhood taught us works to stop the abuse and to obtain security and certainty. Reparenting and inner child work is pretending to talk to this younger version of ourselves to tell him or her exactly what they needed to hear but didn't… this type of self talk is emotional because you have to relive and feel the pain, then give yourself the compassionate loving reassurance you needed and the words you needed to hear, so as to find closure for the pain and to help that younger version to experience normal personality growth and healing. It takes time, patience, a determination not to give up, journalling and introspection to discover your exact abuses and specifically what they made you feel. But what if you were traumatically abused as an infant or baby that could barely speak… if this was when you were emotionally damaged, normal reparenting self talk and inner child work becomes more difficult because the infant or baby version of you may not be longing for words to achieve closure because at that stage you didn't know many words. What becomes repressed and damaged has more to do with feelings and emotions absent of words to describe them. Of course, as an adult, it's good for you to understand and to be able to explain this damage to yourself, but when it comes to reparenting and inner child work its going to involved sitting down with your pain, getting in touch with it, remembering or imagining how it may have felt to feel those emotions as an infant or baby and then practicing the soothing methods that a parent would employ… imagining yourself as the baby or infant in your arms, maybe employing gently rocking, patting, shushing etc… it's important not to use a prop, but rock yourself, pat yourself, shush yourself gently, it's important for you to feel it because you are not only the nurturing reassuring parent, but also the baby or infant that's in pain, perhaps gently saying “no one's going to hurt to, no one's going to hurt you,” repeatedly, full of loving and kind reassurance and security directed at this younger version of you that's in pain. Very difficult and confronting to do and I commend any of you who have had the courage and open mindedness to try it. Interestingly, it's not uncommon to see children self sooth automatically through holding themselves and rocking etc",-0.5281,negative,trusting 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,listener_1,2,"Can you help me with a conundrum? I'm not sure what I needed to hear as a child is even true. So. Long story short, two white supremacist bible-thumping hicks had a gay dope-smoking SJW snowflake millennial child who works in radical politics, and surprise surprise, this arrangement revealed the lie about ""unconditional love."" And no one is growing out of anything, the child is nearly 40, so no hope that he'll just turn racist and Catholic and make everything easy for the parents. The now-grown square-peg child was quite emotionally neglected by his father who had to work too much and a mother who didn't seem interested in being a mother and resented her children for how much money and lifeforce they took from her. What the hell does this inner child need to hear? I don't believe unconditional love is real, I don't even believe it actually should be; what I actually believe is everyone should stop intending to have biological children so that human society can prioritize the umpteenmillion oopsies and surprises that are born every year so that no on will fall through the cracks. Put unloved SJW snowflakes in families who will appreciate them, and transfer the racist kids to racist household where they will be loved, too. That's what I actually rationally believe should happen, as an adult. Is *that* what my inner child needs to hear though, I do not think so. So, really, I don't know what my child needs.",-0.947,negative,apprehensive 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,speaker,3,"Tough, I really wish I knew all the answers and the perfect answer to give each individual. The problem is, although we share stuff in common, we are all screwed up in unique ways. Then, to complicate the matter... the conclusions we reach as adults might not be true or healthy amd so to try to readjust our stunted inner child with thoughts and opinions that as an adult might not be spot on could really make things worse. Just remember, that your pain is not my pain, even if it's similar. If you experience disproportionate anxiety pr depression likely there are unresolved, unfinished emotional things in your past... the challenge you have is not to tell your inner child what you believe now as an adult, but to connect with the feelings and emotions you had at that time that caused you pain, confusion, self hate etc... and tell tgat child version of you the reassuring things that they needed to hear, which may not be what ypu believe now... hope this helps... Tell me what you think of this video by Teal Swan ""Are You a Defective Doll"" https://youtu.be/Tgn8Yaj9EgQ",-0.8152,negative,apprehensive 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,listener_1,4,"That video makes a lot of sense for me. Having lived my own childhood, I've decided not to have children of my own (or even get puppies and kitties) because if my child turned into a bible-thumping racist like my parents, I would definitely treat them like a defective doll, I wouldn't be able to love them the way a parent is obligated. I also find that a dog/cat's lasting, adult personality is sometimes obscured by their youth and so I also prefer to adopt/rescue adult animals over young ones. I completely SYMPATHIZE with the parent of the defective doll! That's the problem! If I put myself in my parents shoes, I'm horrified by what's happened to them, to have a child that rejects their worldview and values so totally. I would be devastated if the roles were reversed. I am the person who feels like he can't have a life unless he pushes people away, that's very interesting that she bull'seyed me so well. I always chalked it up to my parents' horrible marriage -- figuring their role modelling made me reject commitment and relationships in general, but that's assuming that I am a rational actor (and it's usually a mistake to think that humans are rational about spiritual/emotional wounds related to childhood!). The way she explains how it may come from parental rejection makes a lot of sense. Putting relationships ""entirely on our terms, setting ourselves up for rejection,"" SO BULL'SEYE lol. ""We need to break free from our single family households"" is the #1 thing I agree with here. Societal atomization is a killer. It rarely gets talked about intelligently in mainstream media. ""Imagine being loved for what you actually are, now and forever."" I can't actually do that, yknow? I only had the childhood I had, only the dysfunctional parents that I had. When I look at my peers' relatively wonderful parent/adult-child relationships, they feel like foreigners from another country that no longer exists. A big question I have for you: do you think the child has commensurate responsibilities to the parent? That is, if the parent is obligated to love the whole person that is their child and not treat them like a defective doll, is the child likewise obligated to love their parents even if they are horrible hater racist bible thumpers? And what if the child, now a mature adult, recognizes all these dynamics and recognizes that they were treated like a defective doll....does that free them from an obligation to love their parents for who they are and not judge them against who I think they should be? I don't think that's real or practical or going to happen. And that's where the weakness of the video comes in here. I guess I want to know how I should not, as a grown-ass adult, treat my parents who treated me like an object. I don't want to just return the favor in kind, and yet I don't really want to be the ""bigger person"" who eggshells around his parents for the rest of his damn life because I""m trying to respect their autonmy and love them for who they really are (even though who they are is repugnant). Know what I mean? I could send this video to my mother and that would be her response: ""Well why should I love the real you if you don't love the real me?"" And my response might be something like, ""Because YOU CHOSE to have a child, not me."" But that almost seems petty and hopeless. ""People are worth infinitely more than what they can do for us in our life,"" Teal Swan says. Not my parents tho lol. I definitely as an adult treat my parents as objects or as defective dolls -- Teal Swan doesn't really talk about when the child turns the tables and has started to reflect back at the parents this very same dynamic. Any advice about that?",0.9942,positive,trusting 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,speaker,5,"Yeah Teal Swan has some pretty weird ideas too... I don't believe in 100% of her ideas but I've watched a lot of her videos and picked out things that resonate with me and they have truly helped me more than my psychologist... even Teal in one video recommends that we don't have to agree with everything she says just use what works and make up your own journal of what works for you. As for your parents... yeah, sounds like a pretty sucky situation... I feel similarly toward my mum who is still alive... I wish things were different, but I find it hard to get past that she's responsible for the abuse and has never truly changed... the last straw for me was when she decided it was ok to have a screaming, rage, swearing abuse session at my disabled wife... that was pretty much the end of my efforts to try to have a normal relationship with her, but what IS normal anyway... in the end I check that her physical needs are being met, luckily I have brothers and sisters who check on her too, so it's not all on me... but even if it was, I guess it's about setting a clear boundary in your mind... it's not your responsibility to fix your parents broken mind... it's hard enough to fix ourselves, and you can only help others if they want the help. Forgiveness and being the bigger man does not mean being ok with what they did to you, and it doesn't mean you have to be in some kind of servitude to them either. It just means you acknowledge and accept what happened and that you now refuse to let bitterness and hate to consume you. That doesn't mean you can't hate the injustice itself that was perpetrated against you, in fact anger at the injustice is an important driver for change and rising above the damage. I love the quote from the movie Doctor Strange ""We never defeat our demons, we just learn to live above them.""",0.5801,positive,agreeing 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,listener_1,6,"Pretty much my boundary right now is this: ""Don't contact me unless it's a wedding or funeral, and even then keep it light."" At one time I offered to setup tele-family counseling (like on Skype or something) but I dropped that ball reminding myself that they're not gonna change until they decide to. And if in 37 years I haven't convinced them to change, a counselor on their computer isn't going to, either (they are anti-intellectuals). I set this boundary after writing about a 10,000-word article that I labored over for hours upon hours, edited and re-edited so that I could be empathetic, ""meet her where she's at"" and actually be understood. This is after years of discussions already so she's not being bombarded with new tough info. I had two friends who are only minimally aware of the dynamic read/edit for clarity and they both said it was crystal clear (I have done professional writing, so...) My mother's response? ""I just don't understand."" Reread the email mom. ""It's too hard to read."" Well the the truth is too hard for you to really deal with I guess but actually I think you're pretty clever and understand pretty well and are mostly exaggerating your confusion to avoid accountability. "" "" She might be a sociopath or narcissist I can't really tell. And that's pretty much where we left off a couple years ago. Gotta say, I feel tremendously better not talking to them. Used to have occasional phone calls; life is better without them. But I think about our issues all the damn time.",0.9893,positive,faithful 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,speaker,7,"Sounds like you've done everything in your power to make peace and repair the relationship and to help them understand, and you should be proud of yourself for that... in a way, they are the ones that forced you to choose your boundary... a good boundary is to have clearly in mind what you can and can't control and what you are and are not responsible for... sometimes we can feel responsible for the other person who in reality refuses to make peace... and sometimes we can feel responsible for things that in reality are out of our control. You sound like the kind of guy whose door is always open if the other person is going to be reasonable and able to be reasoned with...",0.9684,positive,neutral 2635,depressed,When Reparenting and Inner Child Work is it's Hardest,listener_1,8,"I mean, the door is open, but she has popped her nose in that door so many times over the years to say shit like ""so are you done punishing us?"" that it's almost not open anymore. But yeah, as you say, if she could sneak her nose in and say something reasonable, it would sparkle like a diamond in the rough and I'd invite her in for tea.",0.7351,positive,surprised 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,speaker,1,"i give *everything* to others. do you need to rant at 3 AM? i’ll talk to you. low on money? i’ll buy it for you. need medicine? take the whole bottle. need a shoulder to cry on? you have mine. and it’s *exhausting* because i am not okay. all of my energy goes into taking on everyone else’s problems and making people think i’m fine - that i’m happy, that i’m confident, that everything is perfect. because i care. i care so *so* much. but all i want right now is to cry to someone. to cry without feeling shame. for someone to tell me that i will indeed be fine, that i’m valued, that i’m their friend. because i have nothing left to give myself and i’m hurting so much. but i can’t open up because i’m terrified that it’s annoying. because all my life, opening up about my feelings has pushed people away. they react in indifference or fake caring. my parents react in anger. people *ALWAYS* leave, because *no one cares*. not my parents, not my roommate, not friends. i swore i’d never treat people like that, so i give everything to them. i’m so done. i hate feeling like this. i hate it. i wish people cared.",-0.9531,negative,guilty 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,listener_1,2,I can relate to this so deeply. I’d be happy to listen if you need someone.,0.6077,positive,caring 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,speaker,3,"that’s the weird thing though, is that i *love* giving. it’s one of my love languages. the issue is not that i don’t want to give it’s just that no one ever tries to be there for me either. i totally agree with you though! thank you!",0.9334,positive,agreeing 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,listener_2,4,"No worries. But please ask for something, even if it's just asking for a hug 😊",0.9499,positive,neutral 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,speaker,5,this was so kind...thank you,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2636,depressed,mentally and emotionally exhausted....i’m honestly so done,speaker,6,100% how i feel,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2637,depressed,My situation,speaker,1,"So, I'll be honest, I don't really know why I'm writing this. I'm not even sure if anyone will care to actually read this, but I have nothing better to do so might as well. I guess I just have a lot of stuff I need to vent and let out. I'm too much of a coward to talk about this around my family and people I know, so the next best thing is vomiting all your problems onto random people on the internet right? So where do I begin... I guess for a long time I've had this heavy weight on my mind. This negative voice that's always telling me to just relax and never take anything too seriously because soon nothing will matter. Things like; the fact that i'm technically an adult now (I'll be 20 in a few weeks) and I feel totally unprepared for the real world, that i'm constantly being told what to do and I seemingly have no real control over my own life, the world seems to be moving closer and closer to a dystopian horror movie where society is a mess, the corrupt government controls everything, the environment is totally destroyed beyond repair and no one seems to care. It all scares the sh\*t out of me. And it's not just existential dread either. It's thoughts of self-loathing, envy, and overall dissatisfaction with life. I'm not really sure how I should feel about my family. My dad cares about me, that much I know, but he's always drawing this diagram of how my life should go and if I ever try to do things my way he gets mad and tells me I'm being stupid. I've never really had a good relationship with my older sister, she's in her late 20's but still acts like an obnoxious high school girl who's constantly forcing other people do things for her and is just being a bit\*h in general. I used to be close to my younger sister, but recently, now that were both in college and not living at home regularly, it seems like we've been drifting apart. She's developed this super sensitive personality and is constantly criticizing others for little things like using plastic straws which are bad for the environment, even though she didn't even care about this stuff a few years ago. My mom died when I was 11, so my dad started dating my old preschool teacher and they've been together for about 8 years now. She's okay, but I've never really considered her my mom or have felt any sort of connection with her. Another thing that I dread thinking about is my future. During my first year at college I planned to take some programming classes to become a video game developer (In hindsight it was a stupid idea, but it was the only idea I had). Those didn't work out at all, so now i'm taking business stuff and will probably major in marketing or economics. The thing is I have no passion for stuff like this, but my dad keeps pushing me towards it because he wants me to get a good job and make good money. The only thing i'm really passionate about is video games, and i'm a mediocre player at best. I really wish I could just find something i'm both good at and passionate about, but the growing reality seems to be that i'll be stuck in some bland office job typing numbers on a screen until I die. There's probably more i'm not covering, but I think i'll save that for later if I even feel like it. So here it is, my pathetic problems laid out neatly. What do you guys think?",-0.8514,negative,ashamed 2637,depressed,My situation,listener_1,2,"Your dad definitely cares for you. He wants you to succeed in life, and if you do he did his job. But going into a career you have no passion for? The money may be good, but a job takes most of your time...and that will NOT be good for the psyche. The video game industry is a billion dollar industry and it's your passion...the secret to success is turning your hobby into a profession, even if won't make as much money. It's obvious your dad has your best intentions in mind, but IMO a person's happiness is worth more than a fancy job/home/car/etc",0.9704,positive,agreeing 2637,depressed,My situation,speaker,3,"Thanks, I really appreciate your support. But I think I should just stick with business. I've talked to other people who have worked in game companies and they say it can be super stressful and hectic, so maybe a quiet office job would suit me better.",0.8651,positive,suggesting 2637,depressed,My situation,listener_1,4,"Right on! Yeah, I can definitely see that...especially the stressful deadlines. Sounds like your accepting your path, embrace it! *hugs.......wish I had a hugging emoji on my phone 😕",0.8436,positive,agreeing 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,speaker,1, My parents really told me to not answer honestly about my depression to my new doctor and then told the nurse my medicine ISN’T for depression and anxiety only adhd. I lost 7 pounds in like 2 weeks tho And got another talk of “others have it worse”,-0.8855,negative,ashamed 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,listener_1,2,"Wow. You are crying for help and they want to sweep it under a rug? Please don't do anything drastic to get attention, but maybe have a coffee with them at a place you feel comfortable even if it's your kitchen. Need to have a healthy conversation before any real change can be done.",0.9001,positive,suggesting 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,speaker,3,They sadly won’t listen :/ my mom says it’s because of insurance or something and they don’t want it on my record,-0.5994,negative,disappointed 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,listener_1,4,"Ok. I guess you can work with them on that. But a healthy convo with them, without doctors still needs to happen. I would suggest a restaurant in a private area...but for coffee. Both parties involved have to compromise.",0.7964,positive,suggesting 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,speaker,5,"i can try, its just they really don't care about me, they wouldn't change what there doing even if i tried to kill myself. Their self centered and crazy :/",-0.9082,negative,neutral 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,listener_1,6,"I see. Well don't live for them, live for yourself. You're giving them a lot of power over you whether you are aware or not.",0.5423,positive,acknowledging 2638,depressed,I- I really can’t believe my parents with this one,listener_2,7,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,speaker,1,I hate my self,-0.5719,negative,ashamed 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,listener_1,2,you need to give me more than that. like why? you tell me your reasons and you can read all of mine. deal?,0.4808,positive,questioning 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,speaker,3,"Just shxt in my life u feel? Like being bullied, called names and shxt.",-0.3818,negative,angry 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,listener_1,4,how old are you? high school ish? i'm guessing,0.0,neutral,questioning 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,speaker,5,Yea freshmen,0.0,neutral,impressed 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,listener_1,6,cheer up kid. you have your whole life ahead of you. this... this is nothing. those ppl don't matter. you have every right to defend yourself and push back. do not give up or give in. you are better than this. than them. you hear me. (just pretending i am giving you the biggest hug ever. and this is the part where you say you can't breathe because i am squeezing you too hard. ),0.8916,positive,agreeing 2639,depressed,The last words if i die,speaker,7,Dont matter if its a shxtty one,-0.0191,neutral,acknowledging 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,1,Like even when nothing is going wrong you just catch yourself drifting into sadness and eventual self pity/disgust. It's hard to explain tbh,0.1911,positive,sad 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,listener_1,2,"A lot of people do, some are just better at hiding it",0.1779,positive,jealous 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,3,I wish I didn't have to feel this all the time... Wish I didn't have to feel anything,0.6597,positive,sad 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,4,I hate it and I can't seem to shake it... The fact I'm Waking up feels disappointing in some way,-0.7493,negative,sad 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,5,Sometimes the past isn't the problem the future is...,0.3089,positive,anticipating 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,listener_2,6,Ok. But you have Zero! control of what happened in the past. But you have Full! control what you do in the present and future! Be the change you want to see 😊,0.8841,positive,neutral 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,7,True and when you find nothing wrong you're compelled to search again and end up frustrated and still sad,-0.3169,negative,agreeing 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,8,Thanks a lot... I follow you now,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,9,I hope we get to figure it out,0.4404,positive,hopeful 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,listener_3,10,bro 😎💪,0.4588,positive,impressed 2640,depressed,Does anyone else feel sad all the time,speaker,11,When I started doing that I knew something was definitely wrong.. What's this soul aching sadness bringing tears to my eyes,-0.8126,negative,sentimental 2641,depressed,You ever just smile to try and atleast act happy but then the feeling of the smile doesn't feel right in your face so it just makes you feel like shit. Idk maybe I really am far gone. Or maybe I officially died inside and actual happiness just isn't possible.,speaker,1,Ita funny when you realise the difference between pleasure and happiness but then you also realise that the things that made you truly happy aren't there anymore now you realise that you haven't been happy in years you've somehow forced yourself to stay happy. But after that stops working what do you do? You cant feel that empty happiness again and real happiness just escapes you,0.9753,positive,sad 2641,depressed,You ever just smile to try and atleast act happy but then the feeling of the smile doesn't feel right in your face so it just makes you feel like shit. Idk maybe I really am far gone. Or maybe I officially died inside and actual happiness just isn't possible.,listener_1,2,"Life constantly throws curveballs, and it's how you react to them that defines you. You can give up and let them hit you, or you can put your chin up and knock those sum bitches out of this world!",-0.636,negative,angry 2641,depressed,You ever just smile to try and atleast act happy but then the feeling of the smile doesn't feel right in your face so it just makes you feel like shit. Idk maybe I really am far gone. Or maybe I officially died inside and actual happiness just isn't possible.,speaker,3,Thank you for you comment your effort is appreciated,0.7003,positive,sympathizing 2642,depressed,You ever just listen to the same album over and over and over?,speaker,1,"I've been in a funk lately. I don't want to accept that, but I am. From self loathing to drowning myself in weed. I'm an anxious mess. I lack the general social behaviors, I'm diagnosed with social anxiety. A year ago, maybe a little longer, my girlfriend left me. We had almost 4yrs under our belt. I was ready to propose. I missed all the signs. Eventually while I'm at work I receive a phone call saying that she's packing up and leaving me. I have zero closure to what the fuck happened. I dont know what I did. Didnt do. Nothing. Sure you can return that she's not worth it. But we were together for 4yrs and to me, I thought we had something. Clearly not. I've suffered from head trauma back in highschool. From lacrosse to ultimate Frisbee to even, yes, the doctors office. I've received a concussion from each of these and others. During junior year we have something called PSSA's. Some sort of a state assessment or something. I failed the test entirely, was told by the school that I would need to redo my junior year and that I brought the whole school districts average down. Thats when my doctor informed me I could put an IEP into effect which made me null and void on the PSSA's. Therefore I didn't need to retake the test and I passed my junior year. My senior year of highschool I was removed from all physical activities. My senior year of lacrosse, gone. No gym class. No ski club. A years worth of constant headaches. Fast forward to today. My grandmother had a series of mini strokes. I work at a job I ""claim"" to enjoy but am constantly ridiculed on a daily basis. I am constantly told I am gay and that my mother is a whore and I just go with it because I know they're joking. Are they? That girlfriend I had, she left me for a deaf transexual, preop. I'm that guy who turned a girl gay. I'm that guy who has literally gone through the situation of his girlfriend leaving him for another girl becoming a guy. I have only a few friends. None of which I share any of this with because I have this false idea that they look up to me. Either that or I think I'm some hotshot and create this stupid self image for myself. The girls I try to talk with either use me for the weed I have or the emotional support I provide. I'm almost to the point where I question if I can still feel. &#x200B; &#x200B; I've been stuck listening to the band Thursday album War All the Time",-0.9787,negative,sad 2642,depressed,You ever just listen to the same album over and over and over?,listener_1,2,"hey, great album. at least you have a good taste in music.",0.7906,positive,acknowledging 2642,depressed,You ever just listen to the same album over and over and over?,speaker,3,One of my favorites and lately its been hitting home.,0.4215,positive,nostalgic 2642,depressed,You ever just listen to the same album over and over and over?,speaker,4,"Oh trust me, the veteran that constantly picks on me because I'm younger then him and in a higher position then him, has been addressed before. Gone to the bosses as well, but what fucks do they give. Small mom/pop company - no hr - discrimination left and right - OSHA needs to be brought in But I can't sabotage my only source of income.",-0.1496,negative,furious 2642,depressed,You ever just listen to the same album over and over and over?,listener_2,5,"Oh I see. Yeah, managements excuse will be he's just having fun, don't take it seriously...of course easy for them to say when they're not the punching bag for his amusement.",0.8807,positive,agreeing 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,speaker,1,"I tried getting my life together. I did all the correct setup and it was i that failed. Had all the support, but it was me. Tried it again and got a little further. Then I fucked it up, again. This year has been a uphill slog of failure and deepening depression.",-0.9578,negative,devastated 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,listener_1,2,"How were trying to improve yourself? There are 3! things to help improve one self...and in this case all 3 need to be cared for. In this case 2 out of 3 ain't bad, but not good enough.",0.5801,positive,neutral 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,speaker,3,Going back to college. 3rd time in 5 years. Never made it past first semester. I was actually enjoying myself this last round. But I fucked it up and do not care to share how except now I have ptsd.,-0.8927,negative,disappointed 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,speaker,4,I was doing great and then fucked it up. This is far from my first attempt at college. Try my third in 5 years.,-0.0772,negative,devastated 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,listener_1,5,"Well...now I have more questions than answers 😄 But there is great news. At least you can admit fault. So many never accept blame, because for them it shows weakness...or some dumb shit. Learn from mistakes and grow! Don't dwell on them and fall into the ""would a could a should a"" trap that so many do.",-0.8993,negative,neutral 2643,depressed,I Regret Trying to Improve Myself,listener_2,6,Have you tried asking for a suspension of year? Or maybe just a different route for you rather than college :) some people are better at learning on the job and theres nothing wrong with that.,0.8153,positive,suggesting 2644,depressed,21 | F with apparently no social skills because I have 0 friends,speaker,1,"Listen to how pathetic, I am literally sitting outside across the street from a bar just smoking weed in my car. I see all of these people going in with friends and I start to cry but I’m so sick of crying about the same things over and over again. Idk why I’m even posting this.",-0.9367,negative,ashamed 2645,depressed,I’m going to lose everything I have,speaker,1,"24 hours ago things were pretty normal. I made a call to my mum asking if she would lend a few dollars being that I just lent my sister (25) $600 whom I live with renting an apartment. My mum thinks my sister is being pimped out and addicted to drugs by her boyfriend (34). Her boyfriend is overall a great guy and works hard. He helps out with the groceries and takes her fishing. As for my sister, she’s never even touched a cigarette in her life. My mum wanted me to get ahold of his last name to insult him over Facebook I assumed. I didn’t want to go against my sister so I ran that by my sister and let her know. After my classes at the university I am called into work and work a quick night shift. After my shift ends I get these paragraph long text messages of my mum telling me how she’s going to report my car stolen (I am the sole driver and I just got it a month ago). That I have to break the lease and move back in with my mum before Monday. That she will hand me all my bills when I only just started building myself up financially with the apartment. I can’t afford to even buy myself clothes. Everything is telling me to give up. To drop out of university. To quit my job. I won’t have a car once it’s reported stolen so why even have a life. I’ve been crying for 4 hours now, and I don’t have a clue as to why life is this cruel. I don’t want to live anymore. My own mum hates me and wants me to fail. Everything I’ve ever worked for is about to be gone by Friday. I don’t know what to do",-0.91,negative,trusting 2645,depressed,I’m going to lose everything I have,listener_1,2,"Holy \*shit\* man, thats awful. Don't move back with your mom. She sounds like a manipulative, delusional person and you don't need that in your life. Please, \*please\* don't give up on your job and your school. You worked so hard to get there, and you're pursuing your dream. Don't let your mom stand in the way of that. I don't know much about laws or finance or anything like that, but if possible I'd screenshot as many texts as possible of her referring to allowing you to use the car (if it's the case that it's hers, It wasn't quite clear). When I thought my future was over I heard something that I swear changed my entire life: There is nothing you can't come back from. My own mother has manipulated my thoughts and ideas to the point that I was so scared of getting less than an A on an assignment that I'd rather get a 0 than an B. I was failing midterms, classes, and (I thought) my life. But I soon figured out that there is literally \*nothing\* you can't fix, come back from. Nothing in life stays the same, it's constantly changing-- and that's a good thing. It means that nothing is permanent, nothing can hold you down. Stay strong. I believe in you.",-0.8174,negative,angry 2645,depressed,I’m going to lose everything I have,speaker,3,And ignore the fact that my mum is doing this out of delusion so it’s totally ethical to treat their kids that way?,0.6509,positive,agreeing 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,1,Few months ago i hurt my closest friend and i just told things i didnt want to. She forgave me but since then i just feel bad and sad and i cry a lot sometimes just for no reason i dont really know what to do.,-0.9344,negative,sad 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_3,2,"Just calm down and think that one day you'll think of those moments and laugh. 2 years ago I was in the exact same position as you, but now that I look back all I can say is how stupid I was. Don't let other people make your life miserable. As long as you apologized there's no much left to do. Life is too short to worry about those things. The more you'll grow the more you'll understand this, so enjoy your time in the best way possible.",0.1342,positive,consoling 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,3,i'll try,0.0,neutral,encouraging 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_3,4,Sending lots of love <3,0.6369,positive,wishing 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,5,"𝚈𝚎𝚊𝚑, 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚊 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚑𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚙 𝚘𝚏 𝚏𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚠𝚎 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚔 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚊𝚌𝚌𝚞𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚟𝚘𝚒𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚏𝚏 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝... 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚌𝚛𝚢 𝚊𝚖𝚍 𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙...",0.0,neutral,caring 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_4,6,"this is just a change you will have to get over, but if she asks you why you are acting or behaving like this then just tell her the truth. be honest on what you think and feel, but dont get carried away and say something that exaggerates your point or something that may make things worse.",0.6808,positive,neutral 2645,depressed,Depression?,listener_2,7,thanks ill try that. Reddit people are the best,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 2646,depressed,"Happy birthday, wherever you are.",speaker,1,"Today is October 11th. This will be the first year since I was in my early teens that I don't get to tell her happy birthday. Happy birthday, Sandy. I miss my friend.",0.875,positive,sad 2646,depressed,"Happy birthday, wherever you are.",listener_1,2,I couldn't celebrate my friends birthday last year cause we didn't know each other. This year i still cant celebrate it because i messed up.,-0.8735,negative,ashamed 2646,depressed,"Happy birthday, wherever you are.",listener_1,3,Happy cake day to you,0.5719,positive,wishing 2646,depressed,"Happy birthday, wherever you are.",speaker,4,Thanks ha. And I'm sorry to hear about that. Hopefully your friend forgives you.,0.8807,positive,sympathizing 2646,depressed,"Happy birthday, wherever you are.",speaker,5,"Lol, thank you.",0.6486,positive,acknowledging 2647,depressed,I’m tired of being in tired,speaker,1,Hello all I’m a 24 yr old male married with 2 beautiful kids and just graduated school to become a electrician recently but since My back injury it seems like everything just goes to shit and it seems like everything is always my fault I’ve lost my parents already my mom won’t go to the hospital or talk and my dad just gives me money to not deal with shit I’m guessing and my wife my lovely wife who I thought would love me till the end but in reality she loves the kids I gave her the security I gave the comfort I gave her and I can feel it slipping away even tho she tells me she loves but action speak louder than words and just cuz she works and provides she like power struck and I’m just stuck and just tired of the pain in my back in my head and just pain I’m just tired of being tired and not having anyone to talk to or anything but I guess this weed will do I’m just tired ya kno,0.0351,neutral,devastated 2647,depressed,I’m tired of being in tired,listener_1,2,I understand. Injuries make things really tough. My feet & ankles are done for also am 24 yrs old like you. I couldn’t work a job that requires me to be on my feet. Also impacts my social life,0.1796,positive,agreeing 2647,depressed,I’m tired of being in tired,speaker,3,Thanks a lot I love u,0.7964,positive,wishing 2647,depressed,I’m tired of being in tired,speaker,4,Thank you for ur response but the reality of our situations blows so much,0.1901,positive,neutral 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,1,"I cut again deeper this time , it would've been 3 weeks without cutting but I fucked it up. I don't know why but I have a urge to cut again. I don't know what triggered it but it's back. I been getting back in to drugs ( pills, weed) but I don't consider cannabis a drug but I'm sure I got addictions and i just started it few minutes after cutting. I popped oxy cotton and a few unknown I feel better with something instead of being sober. But anyway just an update of the past hours",-0.6206,negative,guilty 2648,depressed,I did it again,listener_1,2,"I would never consider weed a drug. All it has ever done is good for me and it seems like I reach my lowest lows when I’m without it. Not because of withdrawal, its more complicated than that. But I hope you’re doing okay..",0.7726,positive,consoling 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,3,Yea I don't consider weed a drug it helps me out alot and I feel more depressed without it. If I don't got it it's not i just have type of thing either but I do use other substances to substitute if I don't have the jazz lettuce,-0.1272,negative,neutral 2648,depressed,I did it again,listener_1,4,But shouldn’t life be more than looking for our next escape from reality? I mean what do you do when there is no more substances. Shit sux bro,-0.8937,negative,questioning 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,5,Fr music bro that or nicotine or both idk,-0.1027,negative,questioning 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,6,"I've been numb before I don't think I am again. I think it's stress I haven't thought about it until now, I take pain relievers and sleep aids till od. Idk why",-0.7845,negative,anxious 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,7,"Yea I was big in to lifting and just in general working out, this was my routine for 3 months straight : 5am core 8am arms 11am running 6 miles, 5pm swim across a lake 2x ( 5 miles across) lifting 7pm - 10pm then bed. I did this non stop it built up alot of confidence I haven't did it for a month and few weeks. Broke my routine and I can't do it anymore since I went so hard I fucked my nerves and muscle up that and im under house arrest for 6 months",-0.8454,negative,ashamed 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,8,"Recently I can't really take a break to deal with stress nor take a break on stress. I've been just sleep, school and work",-0.6808,negative,lonely 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,9,High school i don't study majority of school is useless outside in the real world and no i have not tried melatonin I have no clue what it is,-0.7351,negative,agreeing 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,10,"Pre act, asvab, yea that shit sucked. I don't take vitimans and such I normally take a hot shower or smoke to sleep",-0.765,negative,content 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,11,Yea a few people I hang with and get the nicotine fix,0.0,neutral,jealous 2648,depressed,I did it again,speaker,12,18,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,1,"I’m a 20 yr old guy who’s never been given a chance in this life. No relationships, no career, nothing going for me. Every day is the same depressing bullshit. I’m honestly a nice, generous person and all I’ve done is give, and never get anything in return.. especially times like now when I’m at my lowest. Ik it seems like I’m looking for pity but I’m not, this is just me venting for once, bc I think we all need that.. I have close friends who I care about like brothers, and they know that I get depressed sometimes but I dont think they fully understand. Because I can never talk to them about it and they always exclude me from plans since I recently had to move back in with my father who lives about 35-40 minutes away from the city. Since I’ve moved back I’ve been falling in a downward spiral. I had to move out from my half brother’s place and quit my job because he’s a total asshole but thats a whole ‘nother story. Growing up poor, in a broken family, I’ve never had shit. I have a few talents and would love to make music but just have no clue where to begin and with the depression lingering it makes it so much more fucking difficult. I’m lonely and I feel like I deserve love, but I’ve never had it, and don’t know if I ever will. I even contemplate suicide sometimes when it gets really bad but I’d hate to leave my little sister without a big brother to look up to bc I know she loves me.. I just dont know what to do anymore... Ive never posted on here before and I dont know what I’m expecting from it.. I just need somebody.",-0.7025,negative,sad 2649,depressed,Need help.,listener_1,2,"Hey if you need someone to text I’m here, depression really sucks and isn’t easy",-0.5563,negative,acknowledging 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,3,Thank you for that,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,4,"Same goes for you. I’ve never had this type of support. Nobody in my life has ever understood what I’m going through, so I wish I could have come here sooner. It really is a great community and helps a lot when you feel completely alone. You seem a lot like me lol. In a good way. Feel free to message me also. There’s lots of people on here who really do care",0.9759,positive,grateful 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,5,"No way am I making you leave class haha but that’s really sweet of you to say. And I can relate to what you’re saying. None of my friends or family understand, but they don’t even know when I’m upset because I never show it. Do you have trouble sleeping too? Lol that doesn’t sound healthy 😝",0.4036,positive,agreeing 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,6,"Thank you for the advice. A part time job is a really great idea. It’s just hard because I don’t have my license and at the moment I live in the middle of nowhere so there isn’t many options but definitely am considering trying somehow. Hate not having money anymore for essentials. About the music, I couldn’t agree more. For me, it isnt as much about playing any instruments, although I would love to try. It’s more about singing/songwriting, little bit of rap, even edm have all saved me from some really dark times in my life. I know I’m talented enough to succeed, but not everyone is given that chance. Idk like I said, I just need to find a way to get out there. Youtube is probably the best option for me, yeah?",0.9907,positive,agreeing 2649,depressed,Need help.,listener_2,7,"Well Ive been to plenty of jam sessions where singers jammed with bands too tbh, so I still think itd work for you:).",0.2732,positive,neutral 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,8,I like your name lol,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,9,I’ve never heard of that. But thank you for replying :) :),0.9052,positive,neutral 2649,depressed,Need help.,speaker,10,"I would LOVE to purchase a beat from you but sadly I have no money at the moment. Some other time for sure :) thanks for the great ideas. Right now, I’m trying to get used to garageband bc thats all I have access to right now. Still, I think I have a shot at it. Just need to find my path in this crazy world. Who knows what the future holds. Maybe if I use one of your beats I can take you with me 😝",0.8831,positive,hopeful 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,1,"Today for the first time in 4 years my sister beat me. She used to beat me all the time when we were younger and she was in charge. ( my mom is a single parent, worked multiple jobs and once my sister was old enough she let her start babysitting.) It started off when i was i wanna say 6 (I'm 18 now.) She used to attack me whenever my mom wasn't home. It progressed and i never said anything cause i didn't want her to get in trouble. It got to the point where she would threaten to kill me. (Push me put of windows, push me into traffic and stab me.) I didn't say anything till i started counseling. (I have severe depression and anxiety.) Then she moved out and i thought i was free. Well she moved back in about a week ago and things were ok. Then she got pissed off at something and went after me again. Now I'm scared to be in my house. I don't know what to do and im trying to keep myself from cutting or worse. I need help.",-0.9813,negative,furious 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,2,"If this is true, that is so not okay. Stand up for yourself. Nobody should be getting attacked by their so called “sister” for whatever reason. Nothing makes that okay. Please tell somebody who is responsible enough to take action...",0.1998,positive,angry 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,3,My mom knows and she has given my sister a warning. If it happens again she's out. But I'm not a violent person and refuse to lay a hand on her. Even though she's messed me up pretty bad before i couldn't do it. I refuse to let anyone feel the way she's made me feel.,-0.0852,negative,faithful 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,4,"I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know I don’t have the best advice but sometimes its huge just knowing you’re not entirely alone. I’m also having a really hard time in my life lately so I know how horrible it can be going through the phases of depression alone. Seriously, I’m here if you need somebody, anybody to talk to. I can relate, I was abused as a child not only by my psychotic mother but also from her children since I was the youngest and most fragile. Please message me if you need a friend okay?",-0.6107,negative,caring 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,5,I definitely will. Thank you. I appreciate it alot.,0.7845,positive,agreeing 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,6,Anytime <3 . I could use a friend myself.,0.4939,positive,lonely 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,7,Well then same goes to you. If you ever need to talk send me a message :D,0.7297,positive,acknowledging 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,8,"You really wouldn’t mind? I might take you up on that some day. I have friends but they just can’t relate so I usually act like nothings wrong, I’m sure you know the feeling 😅 life is fuckin hard.",0.7236,positive,suggesting 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,9,I would rather you have someone to talk to then have to go through shit alone. It's very hard to deal with everything alone.,-0.807,negative,lonely 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,10,"Tell me about it. Up until now, that’s all I’ve ever done haha. Are you feeling a little better now?",0.7275,positive,questioning 2650,depressed,My sister,speaker,11,"Yeah, thanks.",0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2650,depressed,My sister,listener_1,12,:) :) smile,0.8176,positive,wishing 2651,depressed,life been shit for a while now n dont rlly know what else to do...,speaker,1,"so life has been pretty full on for a while now i had some horrible ppl tell me i was bullshitting my story but in all honesty i wasn't.. so ppl who r reading this rn n dont have nothing or helpful things to say pls leave the page bc i honestly dont need more n more ppl hating on me for no reason. so on the 7th September i hadnt messaged anyone for 3 days n they got worried so on the 7 on saturday night of last month they had called out an ambulance then 15 mins later i had police knocking on my door to then a mental health guy come out i told them im fine when deep down i wasnt so at 10pm that night i had taken a 60 paracetamol overdose the next morning i was taken to hospital n nearly died the following hour with a allergic reaction to the drip they had going through my body i was in n out of consciousness i could barely remember anything my mum told me i had told the nurses i didnt wanna die n that my heart rate was exactly 245 n they were waiting for my heart to stop bc they thought it was n i would need to be resuscitated so after me struggling i was put on oxygen bc i was struggling to breathe on my own... after that i was in the ward for 73hrs since then my sleep has been shit i cant even sleep without having the whole thing replay in my head, every day i wake up n i feel nothing i cant even explain what the feeling is anymore all i can say is i just feel numb i still have thoughts everyday in ending my life n all but idk how anymore without feeling lost. pls i need advice i rlly dont wanna keep living this way.. if anyone is willing to reach out to me n help or give me advice it would be rlly helpful n appreciated if not pls comment if not pls email me on miss_emilymiller@icloud.com itll be appreciated x",0.7093,positive,neutral 2651,depressed,life been shit for a while now n dont rlly know what else to do...,listener_1,2,"Firstly Emily. I'm very sorry to hear your in pain and unable to experience the joy of being a live. I'd start off by saying find a kind and supportive doc for a psych evaluation if you haven't already. I personally have suffered from severe anxiety and depression for the last 10 years. This year I lost my job my gf and my step mother is terminally ill. My health has dropped to levels even I'm unfamiliar with. So I can relate to feeling helpless, scared and lonely. I want to give you my love and support. Now two years ago I had an episode similar to the one I'm in now, it was so bad I could not sleep for three nights in a row. I was given meds but decided to try running as a tool. I figured if I correct my sleep I'll correct my mind. So I religiously ran 45mins a day. Didn't matter how much pain or how little I wanted to do it. Over time I felt better after 3 months I was well and my emotions dropped to even levels. Currently I'm doing the same thing, although that numb feeling you describe. I have that too. If you get the right help and make sure you reach out you can live without the pain. I've been there and I've walked through it. I won't lie it isn't easy but it's worth it. Much love and keep living! Reach out to people you trust and love as often as possible. X",0.9663,positive,sympathizing 2651,depressed,life been shit for a while now n dont rlly know what else to do...,listener_1,3,"Diet, exercise, socializing in any form positively and a good doc or psych to check in with regularly.",0.743,positive,agreeing 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_2,1,"I'm really reallly scared of the future. I feel like when I see adults I think how superior they are, I'm an 18 year old male who's attending college from my parents money, because I was never good enough in school. I bearly had any friends at school. Just only a few and they were only for the high school time. Managed to get a girlfriend, which is kind if weird. But she decided to fly abroad and study there. I just feel really pessimistic about everything. Just what will I do after my education ? How do I plan out the future with my girlfriend, because we want to stay together. How do I become more of an adult ? How do I learn basic skills of life ! Help... I'm already 1 month into college, have no friends, I'm confused on what to do, I bearly eat and it feels like everything is falling apart",-0.28800000000000003,negative,jealous 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_3,2,"Yo friend. We were never told to chill a little and let some years pass, and that's what you should do. Clarity will come from that. Let me tell you my nihilism driven approach to life. So this whole universe has no purpose at all. At least no human purpose. As long as you try to project human values to nature or life you will be miserable. The only thing that matters is that everyone is unique, everyone has a unique way of seeing the world. That being said, every human's perspective is priceless because it can show others a new world, from another perspective. Your most important job is to become the best version of yourself, so you can give the world your best perspective. Don't forget that life happens everyday. Life is day to day life, not who you are in the future. You have to live in the moment, but live for tomorrow. That way you won't sabotage your future to trade it for immediate pleasure. So focus on where you are now. If you are true to yourself you will only keep near you things that naturally want to be near you and you won't encounter any resistance from them. Life will be easier and at least feel normal and natural.",0.9807,positive,sad 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_2,3,The fuck I don't understand a thing you wrote :D,0.1363,positive,furious 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_3,4,I was fuckin high,0.0,neutral,joyful 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_4,5,"Also, what’s your major? Or what are you interested in?",0.4696,positive,questioning 2651,depressed,I'm scared,listener_2,6,"Well I'm learning bussiness english right now. It's basically learning languages and translating stuff. It's a really fascinating subject, I like it, this could mean I could work from home, or even go abroad (preferablly the U.K and work in instutions there as a translator). I'm intresting in anything language based esentially.",0.8122,positive,hopeful 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,speaker,1,"In the last 4 months I’ve lost 5kgs, going from 55 to 50 kg. At my height, that’s underweight. I’ve only been losing hair but I’ve pinned that to the stress I was under during finals in June. It hasn’t gotten better so I was wondering if it was something physically wrong with me and been thinking of going to the doctor to the my blood tested or something. But I’ve been feeling down a lot lately. Kinda emotionally unstable. It takes very little to send me down a spiral where I feel like life isn’t worth it anymore. I think about dying pretty often, but not in a way where I actually kill myself. More like “it’d be a lot easier if I just got hit by a car tomorrow.” I’m passive suicidal, you could say. I’m a lot more of a listener that a talker, so my friend often do more of the talking, and mostly about themselves. So I never really get to rant myself or talk about what’s going on in my life, like I need to sometimes. I was going to, when my best friend came over today. We haven’t seen each other in a while because we live in different cities, so I have really been looking forward to it. But in the last few days before the visit, he’s been cold and rejecting towards me and couldn’t commit to what time he would be here. And so this morning he wrote me and said he wouldn’t be coming because he’s having issues with his wife. And yet he’s already in my city, visiting another friend. I feel lonelier than ever, and now I’ve finally subscribed to this place. Thanks for letting me rant, I really needed it.",0.9257,positive,apprehensive 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,listener_1,2,"I don’t know what to say, but I hope your mental health gets better and everything works out. You took the first step of accepting your depression so... congratulations! There is still a long way to go, but I promise when everything is better, it will be worth it. Don’t ever give up.",0.9676,positive,wishing 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,speaker,3,"Thank you for commenting, it feels good to be acknowledged :-) I will try my best.",0.8979,positive,wishing 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,speaker,4,"I get you, but being a bummer (as in spoiling someone’s mood because you need to get some depressing shit off your chest) is not the same as being toxic. And even then, sharing your feelings and thoughts doesn’t make you a bummer, at least not if they care about you even a little. And someone does care about you. Hope you feel better soon <3",-0.4295,negative,consoling 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,listener_2,5,"Hey, but you have this subreddit! Consider ranting here, I am all ears!",0.0,neutral,angry 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,speaker,6,"Yeah I’ve been thinking of going to one, but I can’t afford it. Maybe if I get a recommendation from the doctor or something. And thank you :-)",0.7783,positive,suggesting 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,listener_3,7,I will try when i get really low .... Thank you means a lot though,0.0953,positive,acknowledging 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,speaker,8,"Thank you, I agree with you.",0.6124,positive,agreeing 2652,depressed,I think I’ve finally admitted to myself that I’m probably depressed.,listener_3,9,Thanks dude that means a lot ... Really appreciate it,0.7089,positive,acknowledging 2653,depressed,Every night I fall into a deep spiral (I want to know other's input),speaker,1," I'm gonna brake this up into parts. I don't know what's really wrong with me. I have MDD and some sort of anxiety diagnosis. I'm on like the max dosage of Lexipro. I have no motivation to do work for school and I currently have a class were I have a project which is a week late and a paper which was supposed to be rough drafted four days ago and I haven't even started either. I don't really have any body to talk to First about the meds. when I first started taking them, they got rid of most of my bad suicidal thought and tendencies as well as helped me from stopping self harm. but they never seemed to work night during the night. its almost like they only work for 18 hours before it doesn't help. Nights have always been the worst times for me, and I have Insomnia which makes it so I cant really just, ya know, sleep through them and help myself. my parents also think that Its my fault that I dont get sleep. Ive had this problem since about since I started high school when the suicidal stuff really set in ( Im a Jr. now). The meds make me feel non emotional which makes it easy to cope or even enjoy the schoolday while doing all of my work, but then once i get home I cant do shit. --> hence the assignments which are just not getting done. my parents also think that im working everything out normally because thats what I told them, they at least see my shit grade but they dont know that I feel this way. I just cant do the work because of the lack of motivation I feel, and they will definitly be pissed at me If I told them whats wrong (Ive done this before). My mom would then get really involved with my teachers, and I just can't take it when that happens. I'm honestly pretty scared of myself for what I've done in the past, because I constantly feel resergences of the same emotions. and right now there especially taking over. I physically cant get out of bed somedays and this pisses off my parents. they think that If i can just get to school that everything will work out because Im at least getting the curriculum. when in fact these days just make me feel ten fold worse. I need to get my fucking work done, but I just cant do it, and the more this happens, the deeper I fucking get, and the more backlash, but I just fucking cant. I've had some ""successes"" with fighting, but right now I feel powerless, the anxiety is consuming me. I feel the heavy hole in my chest just getting stronger and stronger, and its physically painful, like I want to rip out my heart in the literal sense. its growing even as im writing this. and this happens every night. my mom thinks I feel like shit cuz I eat gluten, ( Ive had multiple tests disproving anything). Im just stuck. I high key just want an honest hug but I just don't have any one to help me with that. I'm also a dude btw. people really dont suspect me to be like this, I'm a sixteen year old a six pack and I can carry myself socially (on meds at least sort of) really fucking talented at classical singing for some reason, play guitar and piano, I go to a prestigious High School, I ""have a lot of my shit together"", I just can't cope with life anymore.",-0.0873,negative,ashamed 2653,depressed,Every night I fall into a deep spiral (I want to know other's input),speaker,2,"Im sure If you look at my earlier post it rings some bells. The only problem My true deep depressive episode doesn't usually start this early in the year. and like fuck, what do I do now. I hate using Depression as an excuse even If I feel its valid (cuz It litteraly makes me not want to live) not everybody does. In fact most people I have Incoutered don't so like tough fuking luck I guess.",-0.9196,negative,jealous 2653,depressed,Every night I fall into a deep spiral (I want to know other's input),speaker,3,"Hugs received. Yeah I've definitely have though about doing that. half the people in my school use weed or do drugs so it's not like I'd be much different. Since my mothers so overbearing I wouldn't doubt she find out. I feel like that would be the end of any of their trust of me. my parents have already accused me for taking drugs after witnessing my panic attacks were I basically convulse, but I've stayed clean even if it's hurting me. I feel like it would end poorly. I definitely appriciate the honest input tho, and maybe I will get the chance to find relief however it comes. even just the response makes me feel just a little less alone, so thanks for that mate, enjoy yourself, and don't give in.",0.9831,positive,trusting 2654,depressed,Society made us so depressed,speaker,1,"Hi, Everybody says ""when I was a child I was so happy ""!! But didn't you ever really think about it ? Why ? It's because as a child, you don't have to think. You don't have to wake up making 8-9-10 hours of a work you don't like because you have bills to pay. That's the big difference. How many people are depressed because of how our society works ? Most people I know wake up every morning waiting for weekend. But weekend is just 2 day and work week is 5 days. Do you really enjoy going and just writing things on your computer for 8+ hours per day ? 50 weeks per year ? We are always stressed and every think in this systeme is really good made. Once you're in this system, you have really low chances to get out of it. You have bills to pay you can not just let everything and do want you want. You need this bulshit called (money )! You don't know how many people would have a so different life if money didn't exist. Most of people are depressed because they see no goals in their life. They just live days by days but with no real reason. Money isn't a reason. We are not on earth to make money or do a 8-5 job years after years. What am I doing in this world ? Writing emails ? What a bullshit ! If you really think about depression, most of the time it's because of our society : capitalism, money, jobs. Why do people at 40-50years just F* off everything and go around the world ? Because they know that they are closer from death than from birth (sorry for this line). Nothing has importance in this society if you don't have love, peace and time. You don't know how much I love speaking with people at store or whatever places. But people don't have time ; they have to work. Time is money ? What a shit thing in our society. Time is life but capitalism thieves our time. We don't really have free time. Most of our life it's for our job where we're making money for some people who think that's all about money in this life. So sad. Not born at the greatest age of our planete. When I was in a hospital I use to talked with a really old men. One day, I asked him what would you changed in your life if you could ? He told me : more free time with people I loved and less time to run after money. Oh and also why do we love so much movies ? Because we're not in our life we are in something that's perfect. Did you ever watch a movie about jobs ? They always seems to have so much time going out, dating, walking etc. We love watching movies because we have the sensation to be free to dream again. Sorry for this long blabla but I just wanted to say what I thought about everything. I could have say even more things but that's enough I think. Everybody will not think the same than me, but I'm sure than most of people think that way.. PS : really sorry for my English it's not my first language :)",-0.747,negative,sad 2654,depressed,Society made us so depressed,listener_1,2,"just want to say, although some of that is true, I think one of the real problems with society is the lack of relating. think of all the people you walk by who never even see you. no one talks to you. most of our conversations are electronic now. we can't relate to each other and we don't know each other. how many neighborhoods look like ghost towns with neighbors never seeing each other. too many people don't have friends, are alone most of the time. families don't exist like they used to. now they are broken up and spread out. we can't relate with the people we work with. isolation has a powerful effect.",-0.8901,negative,neutral 2654,depressed,Society made us so depressed,listener_2,3,Survive.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2655,depressed,First time opening up,speaker,1,"I’ve been stuck in a hole lately, i can’t seem to eat, no matter how much i sleep i feel exhausted all the time, i try to just shut my brain down by getting so high i don’t think about it but nothing i do helps me escape my thoughts anymore, and i just don’t know where to turn or what to do. I don’t want any pity from anybody i just want to be able to get all this out because i have nowhere else to go.",-0.6011,negative,lonely 2655,depressed,First time opening up,listener_1,2,do you masturbate?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2655,depressed,First time opening up,speaker,3,Not often havnt really had a sexual drive at all lately,0.0,neutral,disappointed 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,speaker,1,I'm not sure if I'm depressed but one thing I know is that I'm not happy right now. I just started my masters at the uni and also work parttime. I'm not happy. To be honest I don't like working. I don't like the feeling of working for someone. Some days I don't feel good mentally and rather stay home. But that's not possible. I don't even know what I want to achieve with this post.,-0.929,negative,sad 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,listener_1,2,You may just be unhappy with your current lifestyle and might want a change. It can be mentally exhausting doing the same thing over and over again.,-0.6124,negative,suggesting 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,speaker,3,I just started working parttime a month ago. I just don't like the obligations of work. I just want to be free,0.3591,positive,content 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,listener_1,4,Then be free. The only thing stopping you is either yourself or money.,0.4019,positive,questioning 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,speaker,5,In this case money. It's always money.. happiness for me is freedom but as long as I want to live a normal life I have no choice but to work to earn money.,0.3716,positive,angry 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,listener_1,6,Motivate yourself to make enough money so you can take a break. Possibly a long one.,0.3818,positive,hopeful 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,speaker,7,That's the goal yes. Thanks for responding!,0.7088,positive,acknowledging 2656,depressed,Not sure if depressed but not happy for sure.,listener_1,8,This is why you made this post too.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2657,depressed,I’m a failure,speaker,1,"I’m an absolute failure. I can’t do anything good. I’m only good at disappointing people. I’m dumb, fat, I can’t do anything. I feel like a bruden to everyone. I feel like I should just die. I mean, that would be good to everyone. My family wouldn’t have money problems, since they would have less stuff to pay. I’ts my fault if we have money problems. Momma wouldn’t have to take care of a failure she calls « her little girl ». Her little girl is a mistake. Momma deserves better. Daddy wouldn’t care about a bitch that’s scared of him, because he called her a sl*t when she was young, because she fell in love, and he wouldn’t even need to call her a bitch regulary anymore. My friends wouldn’t mind. I’m a bother to them. Maybe my guy best friend would be sad for a few days but that’ll probably it. Nobody would miss me. I sometimes don’t know why I still haven’t kill myself.",-0.9085,negative,ashamed 2657,depressed,I’m a failure,listener_1,2,"It's OK to feel sorry for yourself. We all get down in the dumps once in a while. As long as you can pull yourself up by the scruff of your neck. Do it to spite them all. Survive, if only to prove everyone else sucks as badly as you do. Believe me, I'm also pretty down as well. But the tide will hopefully turn. Thanks for speaking up! at least the universe has heard you.",0.7437,positive,consoling 2657,depressed,I’m a failure,speaker,3,Ty for your comment pal <3 :),0.6808,positive,acknowledging 2657,depressed,I’m a failure,speaker,4,"I know everyone here probably feels that but I really needed to express my feelings :’) Well I don’t play online games, but if you know some good ones, tell me ! ^^",0.8718,positive,neutral 2657,depressed,I’m a failure,speaker,5,Aaah thank you dude ! You are adorable <3 :),0.8398,positive,acknowledging 2658,depressed,I HATE MY PARENTS!!,speaker,1,"I am a college student from India. Just a bit of background, I do live with my parents since i'm not yet 18. My parents are very orthodox. I do have a few good friends at college. But they all have open-minded parents. I feel kind of left out and out of place with them. I'm not allowed to spend money on fun things (like going for a movie, eating at a restaurant). I am given money only for 'emergencies'. My friends hang out often during the weekends while I stay at home because my I'm not allowed to go have fun. According to my dad, going to movies is a waste of money. I have stayed in a hostel for 2 years when I was in high school but now my college is 40 minutes from home so my dad didn't want me to join hostel. This has made my condition more worse because the last 2 years were really fun and i had little contact with home. I changed as a person in those 2 years. But according to my parents, i'm still the same. They do not realize that I've changed. This has led to me being a totally different person at home. Now my life is becoming only more miserable. I do plan on shifting to the hostel the next year. But it is still a long 7 months away. I don't know how I am gonna pass the time. I have no money to spend for myself. I feel so lonely at home. I mostly spend my time on my phone/laptop. My screen time crosses the 8 hour mark everyday and i really feel guilty about it. I barely talk about anything at home. The worse part is that all this is affecting my academic life too. Having no fun during weekends had led me to bunk many classes. My grades are getting worse every day. I cannot believe that I used to be one of the toppers in my school. I am becoming a failure. I thought I would learn a lot after going to college and pursue my interests by learning from the internet. I also don't play any sports. That all must have summed me up as a typical socially awkward introvert. I sleep only for 5 hours and my life is becoming the boring routine I thought i'll never end up with. I am trying to avoid any time at home by getting into fitness. I am mildly overweight so i started working out. Not being at home sort of motivates me to go to the gym nowadays. I cannot open up to my parents as I don't think they will understand me. They would come to a conclusion that I have bad friends and that I should start working my ass of with studies. I am now living a life filled with lies. I can no longer describe who I am because I don't know how I should be. Sometimes I do get the feeling that I should live as my parents wish, as a person with no friends who works hiss ass off to study only to get into a good job. But I want to be better. I would like to pursue my dreams. But all my personal life is making me unable to focus on my passion. Even now, I am typing this instead of studying for my exams. Just to clear up, A few additional points are down here: 1. My friends are not any richer than our family. 2. I don't think opening up to my parents is a good idea as it will only lead to them taking more control of my life. 3. I do not have any suicidal thoughts as of now. I look upon the future when I can finally be free from my parents and become financially independent. 4. I am pursuing a computer science bachelor's degree If you have made it this far, it really means a lot to me. If you can offer me any advice and I'll be thankful.",0.6347,positive,lonely 2658,depressed,I HATE MY PARENTS!!,listener_1,2,Stay strong,0.5106,positive,faithful 2658,depressed,I HATE MY PARENTS!!,speaker,3,Thanks dude This random kindness really means a lot to me. I don't tell my problems to anyone Maybe it's bad but i dont want to look pitiful in front of everyone Hope you can understand,0.1396,positive,grateful 2658,depressed,I HATE MY PARENTS!!,speaker,4,Sorry but I'd like to stay anonymous. I don't generally open up to people. I created this account to stay anonymous.,0.6808,positive,trusting 2659,depressed,I think im self-destructive and slightly depressed.,speaker,1,"Hello community. I came to a realisation, after I cheated on my girl a second time. (This have happened before, with other girlfriends) I think it all started when I got cheated on with my first girlfriend. I was very heartbroken. I also think that some of the need for attention is due to the fact that I been bullied for most of my school time... I don't know if its an internal desire for attention that im lacking. Anyway, the new reality check came to me yesterday, as I wondered why I been so stupid to cheat... AGIAN... I don't really know. My girlfriend is amazing and I can/could see a future for us. But I haven't been really honest with her lately. I should have told her that I've been having these thoughts, and I should have told her, that im missing intimacy with her, and that the lack of it ruins our relationsship. But somehow I manage to screw it all up... It is very unsettling, its like I have this internal desire to screw everything up that's good for me. I can't really manage my own thoughts, so that's not super great either. I sometimes feel like nobody gets me no matter how hard I try. It's very depressing. I feel like I let everyone down, and im ashamed of myself. Not even my own family know my situation, as I have a tendency to just smile and talk about the good news. I think it would break their heart, to find out what kind of a son they have. I feel like my own friends doesn't even get me... I don't feel like ME... I can't figure out what I want and how I want it... I feel the pressure from expectations, to be the things that people relate to a young man... I don't know if writing this I a way of coping for what I done. I don't know what to expect of this post. I don't know what I will do about my situation - tell her and break up, or move on and finally include her in some of my other thoughts I been having. I don't expect a perfect answer for this post, I only know that my head is confused, and my heart don't know what it really wants.",-0.8182,negative,ashamed 2659,depressed,I think im self-destructive and slightly depressed.,listener_1,2,"Yo man talk to her and think about why tou chose her and get help man, im here to talk to you. Hope for thr best",0.8689,positive,consoling 2659,depressed,I think im self-destructive and slightly depressed.,speaker,3,"Hey man, thanks a lot. For the time now, I’m still on the edge of what to choose... as stated I only see two outcome, but if I choose her, it would be necessary to get some outside help",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 2660,depressed,Cheers to another year of wasted life.,speaker,1,"It's my birthday and I'm in the prime of my life, just turned 19. But just like every year before and just like it'll be every year after now if I don't finally get the balls to end it all, all I want to do is just curl up in bed and just sleep till I don't wake up. Like so many people here I'm ""The funny friend"", I do my best to make everyone who knows me laugh and be happy but even when I'm smiling and joking with them all I can think is that if I were to just die right that second no one would blink an eye, maybe they'd even be relieved? I just always feel trapped and I'm too awkward yo go with the idea of professional help cause I don't wanna seem cringey, I'm too broke to ever go on some luxury relaxing vacation to ""find myself"" and I look like I fell right out of the ugly tree and hit every stick on the way down so there's definitely no relationship to save me. I know I didn't really put anything in this for someone to respond to, but ranting like this makes me feel a bit better knowing you guys probably understand it a bit. thank you for coming to my Ted talk.",0.9926,positive,sad 2660,depressed,Cheers to another year of wasted life.,listener_1,2,"\*dramatic applause\* I think maybe just having somewhere to vent your issues and people to hit back with more then ""cheer up big guy"" is relieving in itself. Prime time isant going to be over for you anytime soon my friend! I just turned 30 and feel like life is just getting started -- but at the same time your still young and most likely your friend circle is probably aroud the same age... Not saying your friends are immature, but maybe not developed or focused enough to really see the pain inside of you. Some say we are born 7 times in our lifetime... I tend to lean towards this philosophy. In my experience 18-20, 21, 25, 28, and so far 30 are really big ""epiphany"" years were you will noticeably come out with some sorts of new wisdoms and outlooks on life. So maybe not some luxury vacation is not in the books, but maybe even just a routine walk through the park on sundays or picking up a reading hobby. Hell even just popping on reddit and messing around is a good outlet. Some people look to religions, some to hobbies (video games, reading, warhammer, etc), some watch football to fill the voids or find purpose. Friends are good, but ive found in my years most of them have an expiration date one way or another if you rely on them for more then just drinking buddies at the bar. There are many willing ears on Reddit for you to spew whatever you want into, me being one of them. Feel free.",0.9037,positive,suggesting 2660,depressed,Cheers to another year of wasted life.,listener_2,3,what's your subreddit?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2660,depressed,Cheers to another year of wasted life.,listener_3,4,My subreddit is selfhealingmadd. Its for people who have a daydreaming disorder and need support to ease it. People with this issues feel depressed at times as its a lonely issues and I made this so they have someone to talk to and feel like they are not alone if their depression is popping up so that way I joined here too add it to my subreddit so they have somewhere to go if they are feeling down.,-0.504,negative,caring 2661,depressed,anyone else feel like they’re just living?,speaker,1,"i feel so disconnected from people’s feelings. including my own. angry and frustrated from not understanding and feeling who i am anymore. i don’t want to live, i’m just getting by. i learned to be honest for what i am- and worked so hard for months and years to try to improve and cope with what i was dealt. but i life will never stop. life will never give me a break. i don’t get the point of living if i don’t enjoy anything.",0.7108,positive,sad 2661,depressed,anyone else feel like they’re just living?,listener_1,2,I feel so out of place and out of my body that i don't really react to anything anyway(depersonalization/derealization). i'm just floating in this world from day to day. but i'm gonna start running again and i know that always helps and brings huge relief always at some point. but daamn i have to get this sleeping schedule better but i just can't and sometimes i don't even want to. staying up is my drug of choice since i don't wanna smoke or drink anymore,0.9327,positive,anxious 2661,depressed,anyone else feel like they’re just living?,speaker,3,you give me confidence,0.5106,positive,trusting 2661,depressed,anyone else feel like they’re just living?,listener_1,4,Cool :) how are you? :),0.8074,positive,acknowledging 2661,depressed,anyone else feel like they’re just living?,speaker,5,"living bruv, hbu",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2662,depressed,"I’m tired of being average, not good, not bad, just average.",speaker,1,"I’m painfully average. I look average, maybe even less than average. I have an average life, maybe even less than average. I have more than average thoughts but those thoughts I may as well take to the grave because you know what? It’s too far fetched for an average person like me. I hate it. I can go through specifics all day but all I know is that Amount to nothing. I’m only as good as my money is. I don’t have a good relationship with my family. I have no friends whatsoever. I don’t think anyone has ever liked me. I mean i see people all around me and they’re better than me and don’t tell me not to compare it’s like, I can’t help but compare. Even if I were the only person in the world I just feel worthless.",0.8784,positive,ashamed 2662,depressed,"I’m tired of being average, not good, not bad, just average.",listener_1,2,"I’m sorry....I don’t know you personally but I do know your not worthless, I understand that feeling more than I should tho, I hope you feel better",0.9111,positive,sympathizing 2662,depressed,"I’m tired of being average, not good, not bad, just average.",speaker,3,"I just wish like. The odds weren’t against me so much. I can’t seem to do anything right, everything I do is just okay, and okay doesn’t attract a lot of people. Not like I want a lot of people I just wish I was significant in some sort of way instead of just wasting space.",0.8388,positive,jealous 2662,depressed,"I’m tired of being average, not good, not bad, just average.",listener_1,4,You don’t waste space....but yeah I’m sorry,-0.2263,negative,sympathizing 2662,depressed,"I’m tired of being average, not good, not bad, just average.",speaker,5,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2663,depressed,suicidal,speaker,1,"first jonghyun from shinee suicide, now sulli from f(x). They are my favourite idols and seeing them suffer makes me wanna suffer as well, maybe its time for me to suicide also?",-0.9423,negative,suggesting 2663,depressed,suicidal,listener_1,2,"No, suicide is not the answer trust me. I suffer a lot but I know I need to fight to make the people who're important to me proud. I am sure u can do it and I am sure if ur idols knew this they wouldn't want u to commit suicide either. Hold on!♡",-0.4724,negative,trusting 2663,depressed,suicidal,speaker,3,"i can’t fight it anymore, im sorry",-0.4404,negative,sympathizing 2663,depressed,suicidal,speaker,4,"i dont think it will be getting better, sorry",0.3818,positive,sympathizing 2663,depressed,suicidal,listener_1,5,U wanna chat? Maybe it helps to talk about it,0.3818,positive,suggesting 2663,depressed,suicidal,listener_2,6,There is no need to apologise. If u feel likevsuicide is the answer then I tell u this think hard and make sure u don’t regret ur choice. So make sure u fine with leaving behind everyone who loves u care for u etc. And when u feel like ur feelings on this matter won’t change then do what u think is the right choice. But make sure it’s the right one and it ain’t for the wrong decisions,0.6126,positive,questioning 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,1,Yeah nobody is gonna respond because everybody doesn't give a single fuck,-0.3182,negative,jealous 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_1,2,I give a duck.,0.0,neutral,caring 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,3,I dont know what to say. I am tired of this world,-0.4404,negative,sad 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_1,4,"Me too. What is upsetting you, right now?",-0.4767,negative,questioning 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,5,"It's always the same. I can't stand to feel what I am feeling. Everything hurts. Everything is so annoying. And I am sure if I am not living anymore it won't change anything. The world is dying too, plus we are born to die. Why am I obligated to wait for my natural death??? Why cant I choose to end everything now ???",-0.9012,negative,sad 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_1,6,"I understand you. In fact, I genuinely believe, that the world is better off without me. Theoretically, you can choose to end it now. But you could end up missing something really great..... I know, that is something you might hear often, but it's true. You don't know what the future might bring and you don't know, what death will bring you. It might be worse. I haven't found a purpose to live, yet. But all I can do is to hold on and hope for the best. Try to get strength from every little achievement. And let it ""only"" be to get up early in the morning and do something (go to school/work or whatever). Music is great for me. Both, listening and playing. Sorry for bad grammar, I'm not a native speaker.",0.981,positive,agreeing 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,7,"You are a good person... I know that you are trying to make me feel better telling me the world can also be great sometimes. But I am tired of this. I want to cry. People are trying to help me, I believed that it would works but I was wrong. I can't feel better and I am tired to try. It s complicated to explain my point of view in English cause I am French but I hope you'll understand what I mean.",-0.7788,negative,sad 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_1,8,"Unfortunately, my french is not good enough to hold a major conversation, but I get you. Every mistake I do and every time I fall back into the spiraling thoughts, I hate myself and the world more. And even though there are some good times, I know, that in the end, I will be suicidal again. In the end, I don't rlly feel much better at all. I can't seem to escape this hell, even with a therapist and meds.... I kind of tried to end it, already. I don't know how, but at the moment, I am continuing to live. But I am 99,9% sure, that I will end it some day. But until then....something might happen, that will change everything. Take 1 day at a time and struggle ( to be honest, it's the only word to describe this, since it truly is a struggle ) yourself through the day. Hopefully, you will find some things each day, that will make you stay just a little longer. And maybe these little things will add up, until you can really escape. I am doing the same and I hope you can collect those little achievements each day, as well. And hopefully, you have some good friends/family, that value your life and the time you are spending with them. Sometimes, it might be the only thing, that is preventing someone from ending it.",0.8229,positive,ashamed 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,9,Well... we are almost feeling the same. The difference is that you have the willingness to believe that your life will change in a positive way... that kinda impressive. You are really nice.. telling me all these things even if your are not feeling good. But life is still hard to live and I dont know if I can believe that it will change one day..,0.6206,positive,trusting 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,10,"I also think a lot about suicide but I've never tried to do something.. even if I want my life to end, I am still scared to really do the thing. That s why I am still here... that's all. And it s still nice to see that people care about me through reddit for example, but what I need is care for real. In the real life. Because it's the real life that is hard to live.",0.7615,positive,grateful 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_1,11,"Thanks for your kind words. We all are going through hell, so I am trying to help out, where and when I can. I genuinely hope the best for you. I am going to sleep and probably you as well, soon. At least, if you live in France and not in Canada or elsewhere? In advance....have a extraordinary good night :).",0.9382,positive,wishing 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,listener_2,12,"Do you have any close friends or family? Tell them how you're feeling, and if they care (which I'm sure they do) they'll help you. And if absolutely no-one in your life cares about you, find new friends to spend your time with. You don't want to be around people like that.",0.9594,positive,trusting 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,13,"Everybody has a different point of view about our world but yet we all agree to say that it's getting more and more horrible. The fact that the global warming is getting worse, the forest destroyed, etc.. it makes me less optimistic about our future. So why should I be here if I dont want ? Why should I be here if everything is dying ? Moreover it exists a lot of other people that can do incredible useful things, and if I die it wouldn't change anything. I am just wondering if I have my place here. that's all. I am living and that hurts. But I know that life can change in a better way and bla bla. But how can it? As I said, we are all born to die. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that some people just want to finish their life more early? I don't know how to explain what I am thinking.. I need sleep too. Good night",-0.9115,negative,jealous 2664,depressed,What about suicide ?,speaker,14,"Thank you. Really. I should have people like you to talk to in the real life... my friends aren't aware that I have a depression and they are always jocking about me being sad. ""Ohhh look she is in a bad mood today.. ahaha The depressed girl is here! Dont be sad haha!""... they dont know that I am really suffering of a depression and that's why I cant talk about my thoughts.. I'm gonna sleep too as I am in France haha.. Have a good night too",-0.8482,negative,grateful 2665,depressed,I feel like I have no real connections with others.,speaker,1,"I am just so sad, and even though I have lots of people around me, I don’t feel like I have any real connections with anyone. I’m 24 and terrified it’s always going to be like this.",-0.6113,negative,lonely 2665,depressed,I feel like I have no real connections with others.,listener_1,2,What are your interests? Personally I'm into alternative media and view points that don't go along with mainstream. So I have a hard time relating to people.,0.1531,positive,questioning 2665,depressed,I feel like I have no real connections with others.,speaker,3,"The last sentence- so much yes. I want to die, but I can’t hurt my family.",-0.6966,negative,agreeing 2665,depressed,I feel like I have no real connections with others.,listener_2,4,I think that's the hardest part you love them and dont want to know or feel guilty about it,0.29100000000000004,positive,sentimental 2665,depressed,I feel like I have no real connections with others.,listener_3,5,"Helperdroid and its creator love you, here's some people that can help: https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/raw/master/helplist.txt [source](https://gitlab.com/0xnaka/thehelperdroid/) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=cancerous_176)",0.7845,positive,agreeing 2666,depressed,Unloved/hard time letting good times go,speaker,1,"Hi how does it happen that every fucking time I try to love and feel loved it always backfires?! I mean always, every attempt I've made to feel loved and appreciated it doesn't work out. I've been depressed for a few years now and I can't pull myself out of it. It feels like I'm sinking deeper every day and every time people I love leave... Does anyone else have a problem with the fact that when life is finally good for a moment, like a vacation or concert or something like that, it is so hard to go back to the normal boring depressing life you had before? I've been back from vacation almost 2 weeks now and I'm more depressed than ever. I hate it. Thanks for reading bye.",0.9348,positive,sad 2666,depressed,Unloved/hard time letting good times go,listener_1,2,"Life will constantly throw curve balls at you. You can either hit those sum bitches out of the park, or give up and let them hit you and knock you down...choose the former.",-0.5994,negative,devastated 2666,depressed,Unloved/hard time letting good times go,speaker,3,"I've been trying the second one for a long time and will continue too, but I must admit that my will to fight is slipping away fast",-0.29600000000000004,negative,disappointed 2666,depressed,Unloved/hard time letting good times go,listener_1,4,"Hey man, you're reaching out for help and that is awesome! Read some of the posts on this subreddit and know you are not alone!...and never will be.",0.8475,positive,agreeing 2666,depressed,Unloved/hard time letting good times go,speaker,5,Thanks alot!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2666,depressed,I give up,listener_2,1,I just dont know what to do anymore. I have been depressed for about 5 years now and i keep telling myself that it will be better one day but it just never is its always the same bullshit everyday. I really don’t wanna die i just want a happy fucking life. I eat 1 meal every 2 days and barley shower or clean my place anymore because what even is the point. I just wanna know how to be happy.,0.4505,positive,lonely 2666,depressed,I give up,listener_3,2,"Same, ending it all tomorrow",0.0,neutral,angry 2666,depressed,I give up,listener_4,3,"DEATH IS PERMANANT. THE PAIN IS TEMPORARY. To whoever is reading this, it doesnt go away with time. it goes away when you force it to. when you change your mindset. when you find the love in your life. don't do it. try another day. keep fighting, once you end it, you've just let the bad thoughts win.",-0.7695,negative,sad 2667,depressed,"i'm lost mentally and don't know where to go, i want help",speaker,1,"i'm a 21m kinda ok in life sorta happy but I've lost my way. i should be happy but i'm not. i have money have ""love"" and everything i could of wanted in life but i still feel lost, i want help.",0.9275,positive,sad 2667,depressed,"i'm lost mentally and don't know where to go, i want help",listener_1,2,Do you smoke weed?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2667,depressed,"i'm lost mentally and don't know where to go, i want help",speaker,3,i did until it became legal,0.128,positive,neutral 2667,depressed,Why,listener_2,1,"Why do my parents hate me Why do they want me to be the perfect child Why do they pick the smallest details and make them a big deal Why am i alive Why do i feel like shit Why ia my life crumbling Why do i get made fun of Why does the teachers not do anything about it even when they see it Why am i crying Why am i Thinking...Of cutting Why do i wish i would end it all, I hope i can jave the courage to sometime I feel fake around my friends They think im this happy upbeat guy but im sad inside, whimpering? I just wanna Die die die... life is shxt, why feel bad when u cant feel anything...",-0.9687,negative,hopeful 2667,depressed,Why,listener_3,2,"Ah it doesn’t really get easier, you just get more numb as time goes by. Text me if you wanna talk talk though.",0.099,positive,acknowledging 2667,depressed,Why,listener_4,3,DM Me guys if ya wanna. My friend I should go become a psychologist. Now thats an increased chance of me killing him in Minecraft. Shows me age nay? Thats what you think. :D,0.7125,positive,jealous 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,speaker,1,"Anyone feel like they're living the same day over and over again? I feel like that rn and it's making me depressed. I'm not moving forward in any class I'm studying, nor am I moving forward friends-wise or career-wise and I feel like my days are wasted and are just a culmination of destructive habits",-0.6124,negative,sad 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,listener_1,2,"Yeah it feels like everyone I know is moving forward getting married or kids and here I am just reliving every day the same, sorry you feel that way and I hope it changes",0.743,positive,sympathizing 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,speaker,3,"Thanks, just life feels so empty sometimes",0.1365,positive,acknowledging 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,listener_1,4,"Yes it definitely does, just know you're not alone.",0.7303,positive,agreeing 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,speaker,5,How does that help,0.4019,positive,questioning 2668,depressed,Living the same day over and over again,listener_1,6,Sometimes its nice to know that there are people who understand what you're going through,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",speaker,1,"“Well yeah, and I'm sad. But at the same time, I'm really happy that something can make me feel that sad. It's like, it makes me feel alive. You know? It makes me feel human. The only way I can feel this sad now, is if I felt something really good before. So I have to take the bad with the good. So I guess what I'm feeling is like a beautfiul sadness.” -butters stotch",0.8748,positive,sad 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",listener_1,2,I Hope the light at the end of the tunnel is a train,0.4404,positive,hopeful 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",listener_2,3,same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",speaker,4,A train that will take you home,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",listener_3,5,My Family Tree Is Full of Psychopaths That Wouldn’t End Great For Me,0.6249,positive,afraid 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",speaker,6,I aint talking about that home. The home that you deserve. Not the one that you want but the one that you need.,0.0387,neutral,jealous 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",listener_1,7,My mom abuses me,-0.5574,negative,angry 2669,depressed,"Dont give up, there is light at the end of the tunnel",listener_2,8,just get a new mom smh,-0.3182,negative,questioning 2670,depressed,Living in constant fear of being abandoned,speaker,1,"I am a 29 year old female and I have been living with the constant fear of abandonment for what feels like the better part of my life. I am fairly text book- strained and basically nonexistent relationship with dad, abusive partner as a teen and young adult, got pregnant by said abuser and eventually by the grace of the universe broke up with him (he also struggled with an ongoing opiate addiction) amongst other fatherly figures “moving on” and leaving me confused and very ashamed of myself. I am now married to someone I love very much, but I can’t escape the feeling that I smother him with my anxiety. I am constantly questioning whether or not he really wants to be there, to the detriment of our relationship. I know that it frustrates him. It is so difficult for my brain to not jump to the most abhorrent conclusions. I’ve recently started counseling but I’m still very green with it all and today is just extra hard, for a multitude of reasons. I’m sitting in the library at my university typing this on my phone and honestly fighting back my tears. I don’t know what exactly I’m trying to get out of this, but here we are. If anyone else struggles with these types of issues I’d love some different perspectives.",-0.9726,negative,lonely 2670,depressed,Living in constant fear of being abandoned,listener_1,2,"I think having someone to talk to definitely helps. But it can be hard to actually open up and talk about these sort of things to other people. Therapists are great because they can help you find out good routines to get into, but having friends you can talk to is just as good. In the situation of feeling as if your going to be abandoned I don’t have any other advice than to try and find ways to destress yourself about it. Things will only get better if you want help, or are actively trying to improve. I wish you the best, and hope you know that people really do care.",0.9952,positive,lonely 2670,depressed,Living in constant fear of being abandoned,speaker,3,You’re so right. Thank you. I NEEDED to hear this :),0.7414,positive,agreeing 2670,depressed,Living in constant fear of being abandoned,speaker,4,"Life can be so confusing and tough. After making this post I took some time to objectively look at what I was upset about. Sometimes my brain is in one place and my heart is on another planet. I think this is just a result of trauma, and it’s as complicated/simple as you make it. I hope that you can find your tribe, because friend wise, that’s always been my approach. If you have friends at work, don’t disregard that. That’s honestly been my greatest resource for friendship when I’m feeling isolated. Good luck to you.",0.968,positive,lonely 2671,depressed,"Self loathing, Idk what’s the title but i want my life back...",speaker,1,"I’m really trying to be a energetic person, or at least a happy one, but it’s so darn tired. I hate myself for being pretending to be happy when people are around, I’m actually not. It’s like I have a auto switch I’ll be normal when I’m with people but once I’m alone I’m a totally mess. I cry in bed every night and every time I look into mirror like, who the fuck are you, smile you fker and get your life together... I have been down for quite a while however I can’t even remember how this started. And it’s getting worse these days, I know it sounds a fairly stupid reason or even hilarious that I got turned down by uni and also other shitty stuff going on, but it’s really like my world is breaking down, I feel so hopeless, I have no idea of where this is going to and there’s obviously no retreat. And I’m utterly lonely.",-0.9873,negative,ashamed 2671,depressed,"Self loathing, Idk what’s the title but i want my life back...",listener_1,2,"I feel you bro. I'm at the same deep dark hole where I can't see neither where it ends nor where's the exit. But I have realized that I still have hands reaching out to me. Those friends are trying to stop my spiraling down out of control, despite not being worthy of them. Still I'm trying to hold on to them with all my last forces. You should do the same.",0.7278,positive,trusting 2671,depressed,"Self loathing, Idk what’s the title but i want my life back...",speaker,3,"I don’t quite talk to my friends about my mental status... I can see they’re having their stuff as well, also I feel kinda embarrassed about opening up with friends idk why. :/ You’re so blessed you got your friends backing up for you.",0.893,positive,jealous 2671,depressed,"Self loathing, Idk what’s the title but i want my life back...",listener_2,4,Talk to us about it. We will try and help in any way we can,0.4019,positive,caring 2671,depressed,"Self loathing, Idk what’s the title but i want my life back...",speaker,5,I can’t see my future,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2672,depressed,I think it'd be best to die,speaker,1,"Thats just how i feel. Im not close to doing anything as drastic as killing myself just yet but life just seems to be an endless circle. Of loneliness, overthinking, catastrophising, not knowing how to communicate, wanting to be better, being stuck in my head, why cant i talk to people, why do i fuck everything up, why dont i feel anything, why am i so unaware of everything, why dont i have priorities, why haven't i lived a life i should be. Im fucking 20 and i do nothing all day. I dont go out. I dont go drinking (responsibly). I think my sex drive is fucked. I want a relationship. But yet at the same time im not interested in sex or a relationship. How. I need someone to show that they care for me thats not family. I wish my only friend asked if i was ok. I wish i could enjoy life but no. The lows are getting lower and so too are the highs. How am i meant to live off small moments of contentment. How can i get a working relationship with my emotions. Why cant i find a way to recalibrate myself? How do i go forward? What is there to do? What is the next step?",-0.8602,negative,lonely 2672,depressed,I think it'd be best to die,listener_1,2,"I relate to this so much, but ending your life shouldn't be the answer to these problems, trust me. I think that we have to find things we like to do and have hope i don't know if you are religious but I am kind of and I've been trying to get closer to God to heal myself and praying a lot and it helps me when times are rough, I think the key is to have some hope that things will get better, cause I know someday things will be better for me and you and all the other people dealing with these things and it might not be for awhile but one day I truly believe if we wait we will get through this.",0.9869,positive,faithful 2672,depressed,I think it'd be best to die,listener_2,3,I know it’s not directed at me but that’s something I really needed to hear today. Thank you.,0.5023,positive,neutral 2672,depressed,I think it'd be best to die,listener_1,4,"I'm glad to hear that, I'm here if you ever need someone to listen to cause I know it can be hard and everything can get overwhelming just to let you know ❤️",0.3818,positive,caring 2673,depressed,Lamictal acne??,speaker,1,"Lamictal, in my honest opinion, is utter garbage. Since starting this medication I've been noticeably more irritable and angry. I'm usually not an angry person so it's weird noticing myself being hostile towards others. It's made my depression worse and it's also made my acne come back. Before starting the lamictal I took accutane for 6 months and my skin was relatively clear when I started the lamictal. After a week of taking the lamictal I got these ""pimples"" all over the right side of my face. They aren't whiteheads or blackheads, they're more like little cysts that won't go away and that you can't pop. Since starting this drug I've had to wash my face constantly because it gets so greasy and oily during the day. I used to wash my face twice a day, in the morning and at night. This drug is either making my skin produce more oil or it's reversing what the accutane did. Either way, I'm pissed. My skin is a cause of a lot of anxiety for me and when my skin is not clear I feel dirty and gross. Just when I was starting to like my face and my skin, this drug made me break out so bad. Honestly this drug is making me more depressed than how I was when I wasn't using it. If your psychiatrist recommends it, please tell them you're not interested if you want your skin to be clear. If anyone else used lamictal please let me know if you got bad acne, and if you did, what did you do to fix it? Please let me know.",-0.9606,negative,angry 2673,depressed,Lamictal acne??,listener_1,2,I had the same issue with facial cystic acne developing soon after starting Lamictal...also had regular acne on both upper arms. Everything cleared up by the time I hit 100 mg and am now on 200 mg and haven't had any reoccurance. I normally only get a few acne spots per year and I was a bit freaked out as it developed so soon after starting Lamictal that I knew it was the cause of the acne. I have had zero other side effects and it's helped tremendously in addition to my 300 mg Effexor XR for depression.,-0.6705,negative,afraid 2673,depressed,Lamictal acne??,listener_2,3,I take 150 mg of the effexor. What was the jump like if you dont mind me asking. I'm thinking of asking for an uppage.,0.3612,positive,apprehensive 2673,depressed,Lamictal acne??,listener_1,4,I did 25 mg for 2 weeks then 50mg for two weeks then 100 mg for two weeks then 200 mg ongoing. Other than the brief bout of acne I've had zero side effects. For the Effexor I was on 150 mg then went up to 225 mg for awhile and am on 300mg for the last few years. SSRIs never did anything for me.,0.0,neutral,faithful 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,1,"I moved to a new country to start uni three years ago, and (unsurprisingly) have managed to make 0 friends. I live alone a small house, attend my lectures when I could be bothered, call my mom twice a week and that’s it. Today is the 28th without any social interactions whatsoever. Just slowly losing grasp of reality fam. I was constantly down in the dumps the first two years cos of crippling loneliness, but now I’m just callous. For better or worse, I call that improvement lelz.",0.0129,neutral,lonely 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,listener_1,2,Have you tried to communicate w other people there?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,3,"I sporadically made some friends, who would always at some point passive aggressively cut me out of their lives. I don’t think I’m a particularly toxic person, just annoyingly timid and socially anxious. I don’t know. It’s really taking a toll on my self-esteem, for everyone wants at least a friend right, but none of my ‘friends’ in the past ever made an effort to make plans or spend time with me. So these days I just cope by becoming progressively more callous. I genuinely don’t know how I could make it better. Therapy didn’t help nor did medications. But apart from this I’m doing somewhat fine.",0.8594,positive,lonely 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,4,"Adult ed/hospice center is not really an option in the smol town I live in (especially w/o previous experience in the field). We don’t have an animal shelter here, and only 2 op shops have volunteering positions for those that are citizens/have residency). So volunteering in general is out of the running for me ;(.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,5,"There’s only one university in this town which is heavily health-science oriented (70% students are just competing for entry to med/dent school or pharmacy). I study philosophy/classics that tend to have really small class size which is a big stressor for my socially anxious ass (plus the peers aren’t particularly accommodating, if not equally socially inept as me). It’s just hopeless for me in terms of having a half-decent social life man, for most students bond over excessive drinking and drunken antics during their stay in a residential hall in their freshman year (I went straight to renting a small studio, and drinking is really not up my alley). But on the flip-side I guess I get to be a lot committed to my study since there’s literally nothing else to do. Looking forward to moving to Europe for my master but wherever I go, I still can’t get rid of me...the most effin toxic person in my life imo.",-0.8146,negative,lonely 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,6,"Checked the channel out, but don’t think I have that kind of big ovary energy to pull that off on the cute boys on my campus my dude. These days I even find approaching the checkout in a supermarket becomes anxiety-inducing, let alone casually flirting with a random boy (I’m a female sorry about the misleading username). I think I’ll be the same when I reach your age, except that there’s no way someone is willing to go through the motion of marrying and divorcing me (also big ups to u for muscling through law school!) Are you currently proactive about the lack of a social life? Or it doesn’t really bother you that much since I imagine life’s quite intense in your field so there’s little time left for wallowing in self pity. I hope you have a lovely day stranger from reddit.",0.8122,positive,embarrassed 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,listener_2,7,"I think you're probably wrong about that. Understand that I don't think you're stupid, I don't think I actually know more about your little town than you do, I don't even know what your little town is, but I do think you are depressed and I do think that makes people think fuzzy and I do think you are mistaken about there being no volunteer opportunities in your town. If you want to private me your hometown, I'd be willing to find some volunteering options for you. Sometimes you might have to beat the bushes and invent your own volunteering opportunity with the county, or something, but trust me, in America, there's always someone who wants to take your free labor.",0.1561,positive,trusting 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,listener_3,8,"Yeah man, we can be our own worst enemy at times. How you present yourself (body language) says a lot about the person. Dress nice, show confidence and take care of your mind, body and Soul!...so many people neglect the last part.",-0.1007,negative,agreeing 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,9,Thank you my dude. I’m about to get crackalacking on my study (it’s now final week in NZ). Have a lovely day!,0.7644,positive,wishing 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,speaker,10,"Unfortunately I do not reside in the States. I’m an expat living in a random ass town in New Zealand (it’s literally in the boonies) and op shops that have volunteering positions only accept people have citizenship/residency. Yes there are volunteer opportunities every now and then but all of them are casual/one-off (when there’s a food fest or during the orientation week in uni etc.) so I just couldn’t be bothered. Man, I really tried but the town is really just as bad as anyone could imagine.",-0.8223,negative,disappointed 2674,depressed,is it common to have no human contact for days on end?,listener_2,11,"There's a university but no animal shelter? That's very strange by USA standards. Pretty much every town here has a ""pound"" even small towns but very few have universities. What about a hospital?",-0.1279,negative,surprised 2674,depressed,Help,listener_4,1,I can’t stop crying over a guy that doesn’t think about me anymore and I don’t know why. He cheated and I hate him but why the fuck do I still care so much?,-0.765,negative,sad 2674,depressed,Help,listener_5,2,"Maybe you care because you put effort, hope, and trust into that relationship. The fact that you allowed yourself to be vulnerable and loving and he took advantage of that. You care so you're hurt, but that's not something that's bad. It just takes time for these emotions to pass through. No one deserves to be cheated on, I don't know the details and situation of your previous relationship but OP you deserve better. Take the time to be surrounded by your family & friends doing the things you love & be patient with yourself.",0.9571,positive,trusting 2674,depressed,Help,listener_4,3,That makes a lot of sense because I hate who he is now. I hope it gets better. Thank you.,0.5574,positive,consoling 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,1,"Over the summer I started texting with my crush she told me how she was happy that I text her and it went pretty well. We would text frequently and we eventually went out together to play mini golf. Long story short she ghosted me for no real reason. I’ve liked her for 2 years, but I can’t get over her. I still see her everyday in school so I can’t completely cut her out. Whenever I see her I think about the time we spent together and how much I enjoyed that someone actually cared for me, but then I realize that was only a one time thing. I never expected her to ghost me like that. I really miss the way she spoke to me; her confidence, how smart she is, her smile. Every time I see her I become so sad and want to cry afterwards. We used to text for hours and I even told you something I’ve never told anyone and now you don’t even look at me when we sit less than 5 feet apart. I want to get over her, but I just can’t.",0.9123,positive,sad 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,2,Have you asked her why she is ghosting you? It cant be that she has no reason.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,3,I haven’t asked and I don’t know how to. I can’t just walk up to her and just ask to talk.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,4,Thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,5,"I’m 17, sorry if this sounds childish or something.",-0.3612,negative,sympathizing 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_2,6,Hang in there,0.0,neutral,consoling 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,7,Why can't you. If you cant then text may be an option.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,8,I’m not really sure she would respond to a text message from me and I haven’t found a good moment to talk with her about it.,0.1831,positive,apprehensive 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,9,"You have to talk to her eventually. One way or another, the anxiety will build up inside you and all of that will be released in a single text where you'll be desperate, lost and feeling so much despair that soon you'll be thinking of sueside and that life is not worth living. I've Been through that stage. Never again.",-0.7932,negative,afraid 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,10,"I know I eventually will have to talk to her about it, but I’m not really sure she will be interested in doing so.",0.1979,positive,apprehensive 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,11,If she does not what to talk then she is not upset. Shes angry at something. Either way. Dont get desperate.,0.7048,positive,neutral 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,12,Well thank you for the advice and I’ll update if anything happens.,0.5574,positive,wishing 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,13,Update Only if you want to.,0.0772,positive,consoling 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,14,I’ll update if anything happens.,0.0,neutral,consoling 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,15,"Here’s an update. I’m in high school btw. So I went to homecoming and I developed the courage to confront her. That’s when I see that she is with someone else the whole dance. I thought it was a fake rumor, but she is actually seeing this guy. Personally I think he’s a douche, but it might be jealousy talking. My confidence just flew out the window and I am now even more depressed because I have zero chances with her.",-0.6946,negative,disappointed 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,16,Ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,17,Thank you. I’ll update if anything happens.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_3,18,"Of course, and if you need to talk to anyone my PMs are open, I’m 20 so we’re in around the same age range. Might help to talk to someone in around the same age range",0.4019,positive,suggesting 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,19,"Update: Hey so I went to homecoming and I was going to confront her, but she was with someone. She danced with him the whole time. I thought it was just a rumor that they were together, but I was wrong. I’m now very sad because I have zero chances of ever bein with her and it’s all my fault.",-0.9089,negative,devastated 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_1,20,"That is heart crushing. Honestly. I have never gotten to that stage so i cant say anything, but it has been the one thing i pray does not happen to me.",0.7003,positive,hopeful 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_3,21,"Jeez, that’s rough, and it really sucks that things played out that way. But no, even though it feels like it’s all your fault it’s not. Expressing how you feel to someone isn’t easy, and even if you did express it earlier, would you have had all those joyful experiences with her? The little innocent moments hat made you fall for her? Maybe, maybe not, all you can do now is work in the present. I would still advise you to go ahead and tell her how you feel, maybe start by prefacing that you know she’s going out with another dude but you just need to get it off your chest. That way you can move forward and know her perspective of things too. I know it’s not really consolation, but she probably wasn’t ghosting you purposely because she disliked you. I don’t want to give you false hope, but when I confessed it was a week before hoco and that night she got asked out by some other guy. She took the other guy over me, and barely talked to me for a month even when I tried to talk to her. Afterwards I said f*** it, and was dry with her like she was with me. Eventually, she came to me and apologized for being so distant and she broke up with her boyfriend because she did all of that mainly because of him. I don’t recommend going about it this way, because I still feel like s*** till this day for doing that to her, even if I was really hurt. I guess my point is, your chances aren’t 0. You should still try and go for it, if at least to get it off your chest and move forward. Take her answer to it as the final answer so you can move forward, but she might come around. I know it’s counterintuitive to think about it this way because then you’ll always have thoughts in the back of your head ‘maybe she’ll come around’ when you’re trying to get over her, but it’s better than feeling like trash. So yeah, maybe still try to tell her how you feel so you can get this weight off your chest. At the very least you still preserve someone important to you as a friend, even if that sucks a looooot because they hold a much dearer position in your heart than just friend.",0.9935,positive,suggesting 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,22,Thanks for the advice man. It really helps.,0.6997,positive,acknowledging 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_3,23,"Of course dude, hope things turn around soon :)",0.7096,positive,encouraging 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,24,Thx :) What ended up happening with her?,0.6705,positive,wishing 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,listener_3,25,"We stayed relatively close friends for the rest of senior year and then into first semester college, then I asked her out and we went on a couple dates but it didn’t end up working out. We still keep in touch and it’s probably for the better we didn’t date earlier in high school because if we fell out then we wouldn’t have stayed in touch like we do now.",0.8462,positive,faithful 2675,depressed,How do I get over her?,speaker,26,It’s nice you guys stayed in touch.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 2675,depressed,My thoughts,listener_4,1,"Man... people claim they get me, understand me, shit, they say they even know me.... that's all fucking lies bruh... dont no one got me... no one has ever proved that too me. The moment I think someone's a real one, they prove to me they not. I'm the type of person when I got it my people got it, but my people are the kind of people that if they got it, they got all for themselves and it almost kills them to break of a little. Sometimes I think that I should be more selfish, but that's not who I am. Man.... the realest person I had was my boyfriend. I've been crying losing my mind for several hours while he's out partying .... that may sound like I'm being inconsiderate, but fuck it. He just constantly kept asking if I was okay, after I constantly told him THAT I AM NOT OKAY. No one's actually love me . If you have someone in your life that gives their all... hold on to them ... and dont let them go because it's rare to get find someone that will love you as much as you love them... I promise you, it's worth cherishing, because it's very, very hard to find.",0.6381,positive,angry 2675,depressed,My thoughts,listener_5,2,"Realistic thing I’ve read on Reddit, I know how you feel",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2675,depressed,My thoughts,listener_4,3,At least I'm not alone,0.1877,positive,lonely 2675,depressed,My thoughts,listener_4,4,Sorry love,0.5994,positive,sympathizing 2675,depressed,My thoughts,listener_4,5,And that's your problem I have my own problems.,-0.6597,negative,annoyed 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,speaker,1,"This is the first time I’m writing about this or even being honest with myself. So there’s this girl in my class, I really like her. About 5 months ago, I start talking to her. Things seem to be going good, we exchange numbers and we start talking on Whatsapp. The chats are going good, everything seems fine, then all of a sudden, she ghosts me. I see her everyday at school, we don’t talk for a while. After like 2-3 weeks she starts talking to me again. I’m like what the fuck is happening, but decide to go with the flow. As we talk more and more, I notice that her replies seem to be a little vague than before. When we talk at School, she’s the same, cheerful, lovely and beautiful. I just don’t understand. Recently, I stopped talking to her again. I don’t really know where this is headed. I see clearly that we can’t be together, but that kills me inside. See, I’ve been alone and introverted my whole life, I recently started to talk to people. Try to open up a little more and work on my personality. I’ve been feeling so empty inside, I just want to be loved. I don’t care about Sexual Relations that much at this point. It’s like there’s a void in my heart, but I don’t know how it can be filled. Sometimes, I am unaware of what I desire. I want to have a SO, I want to be loved. But I’m so miserable and such disappointment to others that I don’t want anyone to be dragged down with me. Lately, I haven’t been doing well with studies too. I’m just proving to be a disappointment to my Parents too. I don’t see a clear path anymore. All I see is eternal emptiness and darkness. I don’t want to make someone else miserable too, but desperately want to be loved. It’s just been a constant mental struggle to wake up everyday, go to school, experience my horrors and see her, oh god, when I see her smile, I feel like it’s the most beautiful thing in the whole world. But then, I remember how I don’t deserve her. How can I love and care about someone else, If I don’t love and care about myself anymore. I think about her everyday, I think about those times we talked, I cherish those. I just can’t take it anymore. I don’t know where I am headed, is this really what I want to do? All I know is that I wanted her, but at the end of the day, I’ve failed myself.",0.9958,positive,trusting 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,listener_1,2,Maybe you had a shot with her in the beginning but then in time found yourself in the dreaded friendzone. It's obvious you want more than that and now she doesn't....seems like she is trying to distance herself away from you not sure how to verbally tell you.,-0.866,negative,suggesting 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,speaker,3,"Maybe, what she’s doing is right. I think it’s finally time to accept that I’m losing my love and try to move on.",0.6369,positive,suggesting 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,listener_1,4,That's healthy. And if she approaches you in the future and you get the vibe she wants to be more than friends...don't be afraid to move things forward.,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,speaker,5,"That scenario seems unlikely, but I sure hope that by that time, I am a better person by all means.",0.8922,positive,consoling 2676,depressed,Can’t get over her.,speaker,6,I’m sure it wouldn’t go upto that.,0.3182,positive,neutral 2677,depressed,ugh,speaker,1,"i feel like a stupid poser,,,, sure my parents always fight and frequently hurt me,,, sure i have gross eating disorders, i eat to much advil and throw up or get stomach aches constantly,,, but that’s about it other than constant dyspepsia so like,,,, my life really is t the worst and it’s barely bad at all,,, but why am i so sad and selfish and why do i want to die still??? i don’t as much as i used to,,, i have the love of my life and all,,, but i have no rights to be this sad",-0.9809,negative,neutral 2677,depressed,ugh,listener_1,2,"Hey. You're not a poser. Your feelings are valid. I know it may not feel like you should be allowed to feel sad or upset or suicidal, but your environment doesn't always dictate your emotions. You dont have to be happy, or feel as if you should be happy just because some aspects of your life are working out better than others. Some people have everything they could ever want in the world and they are still depressed. You're allowed to feel upset and sad and depressed. But also know that those feelings are temporary, and one day, they will pass. The only thing you can do is try and make yourself feel better than you do right now. Find yourself a hobby you enjoy, hang out with your loved ones or see a therapist if you need to. Also know, you're not alone in these feelings, and we're all here for you. Best of luck out there dude. And if you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to dm me.",0.9768,positive,agreeing 2677,depressed,ugh,speaker,3,"thank you so much, i’m so great full for your help, (i sound like an old person o god) this helped much more than expected! ty for the advice <3",0.9531,positive,acknowledging 2677,depressed,ugh,speaker,4,"at least you seem like an amazing person, i’ll def try to find things i’m passionate in,, thank u!",0.9098,positive,acknowledging 2678,depressed,I am DONE,speaker,1,"I am sick of life. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for 5 years now, and I've finally had enough. I turned 18 a few days ago and I'm seriously considering suicide. I get ignored by so called 'friends' and everyone treats me differently. I am a kissless virgin and I can't stand it anymore. Don't go telling me ""get out there!"", because I can't. My anxiety, and fear of rejection is so fucking bad that one of these days I'm gonna drink myself to death. Screw society, screw this world, screw this life. I am done with this suffering, fuck everything.",-0.9904,negative,angry 2678,depressed,I am DONE,listener_1,2,Im sorry....,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2678,depressed,I am DONE,listener_2,3," Hi sorry...., I'm Dad!",-0.1511,negative,sympathizing 2678,depressed,I am DONE,listener_1,4,Im seriously about to report you,-0.1779,negative,angry 2679,depressed,Just outta reach,speaker,1,"I just want attention and affection. I'd never really received much until 3 weeks ago. Predominantly down to shyness, social anxiety and just not putting myself out there. But i feel like i need it. I need the feeling of being liked, the feeling of being wanted. But yet i cant do that. I cant go out and find it. Im too damaged. If i was to try and find more. I could do more damage to myself and to whomever may be able to show me attention and affection.",0.7013,positive,disappointed 2679,depressed,Just outta reach,listener_1,2,what happened 3 weeks ago,0.0,neutral,questioning 2679,depressed,Just outta reach,speaker,3,"Well briefly put. Started working at charity shop. A girl there is amazing. 3 weeks ago decide to go get a drink after work. We end up drunk. Luckily another friend was there to mediate. But we kissed, hugged, held hands and she just showed me a lot of physical attention and affection. Next few days are confusing and a lil messed up. Which fucked my brain. Start phone sexting. Then after 3 days she just turns around and says id rather we be friends which continued to fuck my brain. Then turns out that she basically led me on with the phone sex thing. But the thing that I can't forget is the feeling i got from receiving such attention and affection. But yet the day we got drunk to 5 days after she said lets just be friends. Was the worst and most confusing place id ever been in mentally. And it doesn't help that i sunk so deep into depression that im relearning my emotions and was at the time. So yeah this was definitely brief.",0.5826,positive,trusting 2680,depressed,How do I deal with my friend telling me shes gonna kill herself? and I don't know how to deal with the weight of this.,speaker,1,"okay... when my friends cuts she shows and tells me about it. she calls me in the middle of the night crying. her life is really sad since she has been abused in the past (physically and mentally) and she doesn't know her dad and now she's living with her grandma. the weight of her just relying on me is very hard. I am also depressed but since knowing her it has spiraled. I constantly feel like I'm going to get a call that she has killed herself. I have been having many breakdowns about this. I don't know how to deal with this situation. I have tried so much to help, I give her the suicide hotline. I tell her im here to support her and I try to convince her that life is worth living. But I am struggling to deal with this weight of emotion.",-0.8624,negative,anxious 2680,depressed,How do I deal with my friend telling me shes gonna kill herself? and I don't know how to deal with the weight of this.,listener_1,2,"Do you know her address? If you do, call the police and ask for a welfare check on your friend. What she is doing isn't good for your mental health, and you obviously care, so call the police.",0.6116,positive,questioning 2680,depressed,How do I deal with my friend telling me shes gonna kill herself? and I don't know how to deal with the weight of this.,speaker,3,But then she wouldn’t trust me And she says I’m the only one that she trusts and I don’t wanna ruin that.,0.5267,positive,faithful 2680,depressed,How do I deal with my friend telling me shes gonna kill herself? and I don't know how to deal with the weight of this.,listener_1,4,"I've had to do this myself and you have to ask yourself: would I rather lose her trust, or her lose her life.",-0.2732,negative,apprehensive 2680,depressed,How do I deal with my friend telling me shes gonna kill herself? and I don't know how to deal with the weight of this.,speaker,5,"Okay, I get what to do now Thank you so much!",0.5707,positive,content 2681,depressed,I'm done with my family and can't bear them anymore,speaker,1,"It's been a year and half since I diagnosed with depression. When I look back now those days were horrible and I wonder how did I survive. I was an active person during my undergrad. Being part of organising events and publications, was something I really enjoyed and did with complete dedication. The first year of masters was quiet compared to the undergrad, but in the second year, I started to be active again. It was by the last months of master, I was diagnosed with depression. I'm from a developing country and here culture keeps family at a high position. A lot of compromise happen to keep the family from splitting. Things like moving out isn't that easy, because the culture is not in the same way as in developed countries. We are obliged to make compromises in the name of family. Also please bear any mistakes in my language. Looking back I don't know from which point the life went out of control. I wasn't sleeping properly. I would stay up until like 4 am or 5 am, then I will sleep till noon. I barely ate, and whenever I ate it was unhealthy food in huge quantity. That is when I started to gain weight. What did I lack? May be happiness. Or care from someone. Or some respect from my family. Or a supportive gesture from a stranger. Life was always difficult. I was sexually abused as a child. It happend for years before somehow I managed to stop it. My abuser is a close relative, who I see still today. I don't talk to him. But his presence makes me upset. My palms get sweaty and I usually walk away. That same abuser made an attempt towards my sister and she managed to avoid it. What cringe me the most is that, my parents still talk to him even after knowing he made an attempt towards my sister. They still believe the family need to be kept intact. They didn't know, until recently that he sexually abused me for a long time. I didn't open up to my family about the sexual abuse until very recently just, because I don't want to make them sad. I thought I can bear them all. All my personal problems and all the family problems. Everything. I was wrong. I was dead wrong. I always adjusted for others, always for my family, and always put myself, or my heath or my happiness, in the second position. Never in my life I cared about me. I was always the one who can take all the pressure. In every family dispute I stood in the middle, I stayed and invested a lot of my time and energy to set things straight. In the end, when I was down, I had no one to take care of me or support me. Literally no one. Because I was the tough the one. Did my family support me? Yes, financially. Nothing else. They kept on blaming me for the things I failed to do, events I failed to attend, and the disputes I failed to solve. They blamed me for my failure. Never they considered my side. Never they asked how am I doing now. Never they asked about my health or happiness or my situation. Even after I was diagnosed with depression the support was never there. They don't ask how am I doing now. Few months back I landed on a very small job. I have been struggling to pull myself together for all these days. Since, the job I got was near to my grandmother's place, I was staying with her. The salary I get is very low. If I convert it to USD, it is around 169 USD per month. Mainly I stayed with my grandma, because of this. She is a bad woman. Hate is her characteristic and she makes the life difficult of people living with her. After a month or so, my father asked me to move out, because grandmother didn't want me around. He didn't consider whether I'm in a position to hold on by myself if I move out, both financially and mentally. I opted for a accommodation provided by my employer, which is more like a Hostel kind of setup. I have been living here since then. I was deeply hurt by the lack of empathy from my family. They take me for granted. They call me whenever they have a need. Only sister call me to just check on me. I do understand, that many people don't know how to deal with mental health issues. So, when I was asked to move out I wanted to explain my situation to them. I wanted to talk about the sexual abuse I faced and how their attitude of preventing a conflict, shifts the load to my head. But I couldn't open my mouth. I still don't know how to explain all this. So I wrote a 15 page letter to my family and passed it to each of them. Everyone read it. What broke me completely is that they didn't even discuss a word about it. Not even an acknowledgement. I was literally done at that point. For all those things I did for them, I got back only complaints about the things I failed to do. I really don't know how to deal with them. It is difficult to cut the ties. Im kind of done with them. But, honestly, deep down I still love them. I don't know why. But that is what I feel about them. Medically speaking my doctor stopped anti depressants few months back. But I struggled to make my sleeping pattern normal. In the past few weeks, I could feel I was going down the spiral again. The same old habits are creeping in and I can't get anywhere near to productive. Two weeks back doctor prescribed the antidepressants again. But my biological rhythm is so fucked that I can't get anything done. I'm sleeping till noon and barely going to work. I don't think I can hold on by on my own anymore. I was even suicidal during my peak depression days. I had high urge to jump off from heights or moving vehicles. I somehow resisted it because there is always something left to do, to improve. I always wanted to make the lives of people better. I work a lot for that. With one more episode of depression, I really doubt if I will survive. I don't see much left to do now. Life is getting meaningless everyday. TL;DR: My family don't understand my situation and blames me for the things I failed to do. I can't bear them anymore. Life is getting meaningless everyday",-0.9993,negative,devastated 2681,depressed,I'm done with my family and can't bear them anymore,listener_1,2,"This... This was heavy. First, I'm so so sorry about everything. I'm sorry, really that I can't do more than type. They *don't* deserve your love. If they'll brush off sexual abuse, be ignorant, and be the farthest thing from family then they aren't family. It's going to be difficult to let go, but you have to. Because this time, you need to put yourself first. You need to be there for yourself. Do you have interests? Hobbies? What are they? You can meet people on here that have the same. Meet with the people you met in your organizations and stuff. Go out with a friend, and tell them this. Have a good cry. Pour your heart out, or maybe keep a journal. Take a walk, clear your head. Listen to some music, go treat yourself to ice cream. I recommend listening to ""Everdream"" and ""Second Star to the Right"". I love those. I will be here to chat if you need it. Please, hit me up if you feel like it. I'll be there if you need it.",0.9838,positive,sentimental 2681,depressed,I'm done with my family and can't bear them anymore,speaker,3,"Thank you for those kind words. May be they are silent, because they don't know what to say or what to do. My close friends know about this. But, I am kind of a lonely person. Who spend most of thw time alone. Im slowly beginning to prioritise myself over everything else and building up things in life. But its not going that smoothly. I don't know how it is going to be.",-0.1901,negative,lonely 2682,depressed,I almost died,speaker,1,Yesterday I was having the worst day yet and the stress and anxiety of everything was crashing in on me. I usually take painkillers to numb the pain but I ended up taking way too much yesterday and started feeling really lightheaded and tired. My chest hurt and I ended up passing out for almost 15 hours. I was shaken awoke and it felt as though my would fell back into my body. Is it bad that I wasn’t scared to die? I don’t know if I was gonna actual die but the experience was surreal.,-0.9895,negative,terrified 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_1,2,"Hey would you like to talk, I'm here to listen and comfort you, I understand how you feel, even the pain killer part, I tried it as well",-0.3612,negative,caring 2682,depressed,I almost died,speaker,3,Yes since you say you’ve tried as well I would want to hear your advice.,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,4,"We don't discuss inappropriate use of prescription drugs on here. OP, this goes for you as well. Stop asking.",-0.0258,neutral,agreeing 2682,depressed,I almost died,speaker,5,What type of pills did you use though? I used hydrocodone and taking a couple usually gives a euphoric feeling that takes all the emotional problems away.,0.5574,positive,questioning 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_3,6,hydrocodone made me throw up eggs all the way across my bedroom.,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,7,"Lots of paracetamol,fluoxetine and something else I can't remember. It was weird for sure. I felt heavy and sleepy.",0.1531,positive,acknowledging 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,8,But people can talk about wanting to kill themselves and other inappropriate things. Ok whatever floats your boat,-0.6956,negative,neutral 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,9,"Yes, and we delete comment that discuss methods. Just because you see a comment, doesn't mean it stays there as soon as we find it. I have no idea what else you are referring to with ""inappropriate things."" You can talk about wanting to die or be in an altered state. That is part of depression. You cannot discuss actual methods of doing that because that is actively encouraging self harm.",-0.7096,negative,angry 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,10,Did you not see that I deleted the comment? that's okay but I wasn't encouraging anything. I was talking about what I personally done. I would never encourage anyone to self harm. That is not true.,-0.9384,negative,ashamed 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,11,"I had already removed yours and OPs comments last night. You had written exactly what you had used and talked about how great it was. That is actively encouraging self harm. Plus, OP is fishing for instructions. The conversation had to stop.",0.6249,positive,angry 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,12,I deleted the comment. But you keep on lying to suit your narrative.,-0.6808,negative,angry 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,13,"What lie? I removed the comments last night before I responded to you. You can still see your own comment that has been removed by mods. You do realize that not only can I still access your original deleted comment and know exactly what it said, there is a moderation log that tracks every mod action taken, which includes showing the exact time I removed your comment. I have no idea what you are trying to prove but it's annoying and pointless.",-0.5423,negative,furious 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,14,You are literally the one arguing with me. Apparently you think people can just be accused of something and can't respond. I said that I didn't intend to encourage anyone to do anything. I was talking about myself. Then I deleted it on my account cause you mentioned a good point that I said what I had took. Now can you piss off please.,-0.6599,negative,angry 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,15,Huh? I think you're having a conversation that's not actually happening. You've been arguing with me from the start and then accused me of lying that I removed the comment prior to you deleting it. Your response here doesn't match the actual comments you have left or what I have responded. Just take a deep breath and walk away.,-0.8225,negative,angry 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_4,16,You are hilarious. Keep being a joke of a person.,0.5994,positive,acknowledging 2682,depressed,I almost died,listener_2,17,Really? After 18 days you are back? There is something severely wrong with you that has nothing to do with depression. I can't have you harassing the users of our subreddit for your own imagined personal vendetta. Please seek therapy.,-0.7193,negative,angry 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,1,I feel like I’m drowning and being pulled down right now but usually feel as if I’m on a cliff hanging on for dear life but keep losing my grip and falling back down. I. Ant pull myself out but don’t want to fall so am stuck. It’s just so dark and I try to feel happy but I keep getting sucked down. Normally I’m able to see the bright side but my fountain of optimism is dry. I keep saying that it will get better but I’m so sad. I want to tell my friends but they have their own issues and don’t want to stress them out. I try to be happy and smile when I’m around people but when I’m alone it’s a big gloomy fog hanging over me.,0.933,positive,terrified 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_1,2,i have that feeling too. i tend to cry a lot alone. i draw to feel better these days. EDIT: all of what you said.,-0.1779,negative,agreeing 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,3,I wish I could draw and need an outlet but it’s like my brain is in a maze and can’t get out of my feelings.,0.6249,positive,sad 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_1,4,"get a small pad of drawing paper and an ink pen. Doodle. Make herringbone patterns. Hearts. Take notes. That’s half the game, and it will absorb you a bit.",0.6486,positive,neutral 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,5,I’m finding that my heart beats so fast when I’m stressed and my normal meditation doesn’t work. I have to turn off all the lights and sound than take deep breaths till I get back to normal.,0.4215,positive,anxious 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,6,Sometimes I feel more trapped and keep running around trying to find an exit but no matter what the feeling it’s dark and have a weight on me. I can’t bear to talk to my friends and am alone.,0.2365,positive,lonely 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_2,7,"I've been there too. I'd like to give you some advice or help you, but I don't know the whole situation and so on. But. Try to thing as logically as you can. That helped me so much. Something like = Oh, that person is dumb as shit. Oh, this hobby is fun even tho it's a bit gay. Just try to be yourself. I know it's hard, but try it. Do you have any hobbies ? If Yes, try to find some group on social media and participate in debates. That is very likely to help you.",0.8042,positive,neutral 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,8,It’s all me and many choices I deeply regret. Am treading water so am OK.,-0.4754,negative,ashamed 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_2,9,How did those choices affect you life ? Did they hurt someone close to you ? Did they hurt you ?,-0.8095,negative,questioning 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,10,Just me and am tired and feel run down. Another year of failure.,-0.7351,negative,sad 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_2,11,"In this case, I can recommend a few things. The most drastic one is to move far away. Try new things. Change this drastic would work I think.",0.3612,positive,apprehensive 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,12,I’ve been thinking about that,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_2,13,"It's gonna be pretty stressful, but in my opinion it's fully worth it. I'm planning the same thing when I finish school. I live in Central Europe but I'm gonna move to Canada or Scotland. Because change is one of the best things in our life's imo.",0.8604,positive,faithful 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,14,Great minds think a like,0.765,positive,impressed 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,listener_2,15,"Or just try to find some friends in Tinder. It sounds pretty dumb, but works pretty good.",0.8793,positive,suggesting 2683,depressed,How does it feel for you?,speaker,16,Thanks for the suggestion,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2684,depressed,Lost HOPE of Living,speaker,1,"I don't wish to die, yah but am just tired of living. No body loves me, my jkb sucks (low payment) can't achieve anything, my mates are making exploits am stuck I can go on and on. Glad I found this page here. I don't know how to snap out of this, is just me and my thoughts giving Mr headaches constantly.",-0.9274,negative,grateful 2684,depressed,Lost HOPE of Living,listener_1,2,"welcome to the club bud. I wish i could offer help, but i am in my own hell with my ex too.",-0.5719,negative,sympathizing 2684,depressed,Lost HOPE of Living,speaker,3,The feeling sucks as hell.,-0.765,negative,acknowledging 2684,depressed,Lost HOPE of Living,listener_2,4,">and even though I don't know you, I love you. Damn, that grew quickly.",0.3612,positive,neutral 2685,depressed,I feel like a horrible person because of debt,speaker,1,"I haven't talked about this much to anyone. I don't really expect much positivity, but it's what I need now. I had a year that I was uninsured and had to be hospitalized after losing my job. I've been paying off what I can here and there but life happens and money goes to other bills that are due to be cut off or need to be payed. I feel like a horrible person, still. Knowing that I owe these places money, though I am trying it is so much it's overwhelming. Should I feel like a piece of crap? I have a family, few friends... I'm nice to people in general. I don't do illegal things. I'm a decent parent. I need to learn how to be more positive.",0.9128,positive,trusting 2685,depressed,I feel like a horrible person because of debt,listener_1,2,You should not feel bad about being in debt for medical needs. It's not your fault. You live in a flawed system. I am currently also about $150k in medical debt.. so yeah.. Don't feel bad.,0.4067,positive,guilty 2685,depressed,I feel like a horrible person because of debt,speaker,3,It's so much money. How does anyone ever pay it? Thank you so much for responding. I really hope our healthcare system turns around in our favor,0.7902,positive,hopeful 2685,depressed,I feel like a horrible person because of debt,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2686,depressed,Something that makes me depressed for doing,speaker,1,I’m a compulsive liar and I hurt people I love. I just want to seek a way I can change my bad habit and be someone more kind and open. I learned this habit from a young age from my parents and moving onto adult hood I want to be a better person.,0.2944,positive,guilty 2686,depressed,Something that makes me depressed for doing,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel, lying is something that is honestly really hard for me to control sometimes. I've gotten better with it since I realized how much I really hated myself for it but it's been difficult. It isn't fair to expect honesty from other people if I can't give it the same. I left my wife because she lied so much I couldn't trust her anymore, but part of me wonders if things might have been a little different had I been more trustworthy myself.",-0.5187,negative,guilty 2686,depressed,Something that makes me depressed for doing,speaker,3,That’s how I feel about it when I talk to people because I have lied too much and it makes me anxiety worse now,-0.7506,negative,guilty 2686,depressed,Something that makes me depressed for doing,listener_2,4,"I was lying, I believe you",-0.5267,negative,trusting 2687,depressed,I want to help my boyfriend,speaker,1,"Hello, I'm new to reddit, but I feel like I need some serious help. I've been dating this guy I met in college for over a year. He's 25. He suffers from depression and anxiety but has refused to get help since he was first diagnosed. It comes in waves every two or three months or so and this wave is definitely the worst one. It's tied to being unemployed for several months after graduating college. Latel, he's becoming more and more withdrawn as he doesn't have money to get out of the house to hang out with me or his friends. I pay for him to go out sometimes (I get payed well) but it embarrasses him. He refuses help, especially now that he would have to ask his mom (whom he lives with) to pay for it. In fact, he doesn't want to tell his mom (or anyone except me) about any of it. As its getting worse, I've thought about telling his mom or his friends, but I don't want to lose his trust. I want him to still talk to me about it. Is there anything I can do? I really love this guy and I just want him to feel better, please help.",0.9736,positive,apprehensive 2687,depressed,I want to help my boyfriend,listener_1,2,"You sound like such a supportive person. I’m sorry I am not helping your cause, but my girlfriend just asked for a break last night and I’m still hurt by it and reading this for some reason made me feel joy for the love you two have. I hope he feels better. Tell him, if I were in his shoes, I’d be happy just having someone like you in my life.",0.978,positive,caring 2687,depressed,I want to help my boyfriend,speaker,3,"I am so sorry, I promise it'll get better",0.5751,positive,sympathizing 2688,depressed,"I (F15) just don’t want to exist anymore, but the thought of being locked up scared the crap out of me",speaker,1,"These past few years have gotten worse and worse. I thought my life was great, until 8th grade when the entire middle school turned on me and told me to go kill myself. I thought people loved me but they didn’t. Then, freshman year came and I escaped my middle school. September and October were average. I met my now-best friend. But then November hit, and i was struck with crippling anxiety that I couldn’t even function because of it. It got worse until February, when i started taking antidepressants. Then, things were okay for a couple months. When June came around, I thought that maybe putting myself out into the dating world would boost my spirits. My three now-ex besties set me up with a guy who manipulated me into losing my virginity with him, physically and verbally abused me, and then he threatened to shoot me if I spoke a word about it to people. I blocked all of them and they’re no longer in my life, but the trauma of everything crashed down on me and I became depressed. I questioned everything I was worth and decided that I was only going to be used for the rest of my life. I gave up. On the first day of sophomore year, I was planning to kill myself. But then, a guy who was best friends with my best friend’s boyfriend (sorry for that mouthful) texted me. He asked if I was okay because when we met I seemed sad, and he was worried. I was so shocked that someone actually cared about me. He and I began talking more, and then we started dating. We went to football games together, we walked around town holding hands and being that cute couple you see in rom-coms that has the perfect relationship. We even got a little sexual from time to time. I was so happy and I thought things were really looking up. But then, my best friend threatened to kill herself and said it was my fault. My parents began expecting me to be a perfect Straight-A student with a Barbie doll body. And my antidepressants stopped working because my body had gotten used to the dosage. I had an anxiety attack that put me in the ER because I was paralyzed from the neck down. My boyfriend got mad that I didn’t tell him what was going on, so I promised him from then on, I would. But then, things kept getting worse and I became suicidal again. Once I told him this yesterday, he flipped out on me and told me that he didn’t have the time to deal with this pressure. I asked him what was going on with him lately and why he was being so harsh. He kept dodging the question until finally I asked “Do you actually love me? Would you miss me if I was gone?” His answer to both questions: NO. We broke up last night. Then, I was in hysterics. The most emotion I’d felt in weeks. Because he was my last hope. I took a razor to my arm and cut myself. My parents saw how much mental pain I was in from everything building up, and now they’re trying to get me help. I’m going to both group and one on one therapy, and I’m double dosing my meds. But even though I want to die, I know I’m not going to. I’m just going to suffer because I can’t bring myself to end it. I have all the help I need, but I just can’t bring myself out of this funk.",-0.9933,negative,terrified 2688,depressed,"I (F15) just don’t want to exist anymore, but the thought of being locked up scared the crap out of me",listener_1,2,I’m so sorry that you have to go through this at 15. I hope shit gets better for you.,0.1548,positive,sympathizing 2688,depressed,"I (F15) just don’t want to exist anymore, but the thought of being locked up scared the crap out of me",speaker,3,"Thank you, someone who is going through the same thing I am. PM me if you wanna talk about it 💔",0.5574,positive,sympathizing 2688,depressed,"I (F15) just don’t want to exist anymore, but the thought of being locked up scared the crap out of me",listener_2,4,No thank you : ),-0.2755,negative,sympathizing 2688,depressed,"I (F15) just don’t want to exist anymore, but the thought of being locked up scared the crap out of me",speaker,5,"Thank you, and I’ll certainly take you up on messaging you. I need all the support I can get",0.765,positive,agreeing 2689,depressed,Why does feeling sad feel so good?,speaker,1,still don’t know why or how but i like being sad. i enjoy wallowing in all my misery; sometimes i’ll try to prolong it. it makes no sense but then what does?,-0.6652,negative,neutral 2689,depressed,Why does feeling sad feel so good?,listener_1,2,Sometimes when i really notice that i feel good and i'm happy. it starts to feel so fucking weird and it makes me feel that i'm weak and i just go back to my anger because that anger is the main part of me since really young kid and the anger and the darkness makes me feel that i'm bigger and it's my safe shield,-0.8304,negative,sad 2689,depressed,Why does feeling sad feel so good?,speaker,3,yes exactly. it’s that safety that comes with it,0.6705,positive,agreeing 2689,depressed,Why does feeling sad feel so good?,listener_2,4,i can relate.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2689,depressed,I'm tired,listener_3,1,"I've had this for years. 8 yrs now. I didn't realize what it was until 4 years ago. I met someone and they recognized the signs and I went to therapy for a while. I stopped 2 years ago. I'll be good for days or months at a time and then it hits me hard, like it did today. I think I got it from my father whom I saw almost kill himself 11 years ago. He got better and I've gotten worst. Today as I was driving and going about my day, I thought of so many ways of killing myself and I haven't stopped. I fucked up somethings in my life and I don't think there is a way of fixing it without destroying everything. I'm tired and I don't think I'll get better anytime soon.",-0.2025,negative,devastated 2689,depressed,I'm tired,listener_4,2,Stay strong man. I know it's cliche as fuck but it does get better. Have you tried hanging out with your dad and spending more time with him? It's a great feelign when you bond with your parents.,0.8859999999999999,positive,questioning 2689,depressed,I'm tired,listener_3,3,Last time he tried to convince me I didn't have anything. I gave up talking to him after that. My mom has been more supportive.,0.5413,positive,faithful 2690,depressed,"Please, dont do it.",speaker,1,"I read alot of the posts on here and I commonly see people having the want to kill themself. Please, dont do it. I know that things are so very painful, but just please know that there are people out there who care about you. That would be me. I know I'm just some random person on the internet, but I want them to stay with us. They have good qualities that they just havent found yet. Please dont kill yourself. You are a person who can do many things, and removing all of the chances you have at one moment is awful.",0.8787,positive,caring 2690,depressed,"Please, dont do it.",listener_1,2,Kind words,0.5267,positive,grateful 2690,depressed,"Please, dont do it.",speaker,3,I'm always willing to help someone. You're very welcome.,0.7178,positive,caring 2690,depressed,"Please, dont do it.",speaker,4,You're amazing too.,0.5859,positive,agreeing 2691,depressed,I'm depressed please give me entertainment,speaker,1,"I just began college. It's a great school in my country honestly. I've been to maybe 10% of the classes. I have very few friends here. I don't have any motivation for working on my tasks and thus I'm close to failing my semester. I'm short on money. FML. &#x200B; Any shows to watch that can cheer up my mood? Or YT-videos, articles to give me motivation, whatever? I DON'T WANT TO BE DEPRESSED and this shit sucks. Fuck. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; Thank you.",-0.3432,negative,lonely 2691,depressed,I'm depressed please give me entertainment,listener_1,2,Watch filthy Frank,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2691,depressed,I'm depressed please give me entertainment,listener_2,3,I second that,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2691,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,1,Hi im depressed can somebody cheer me up please?,0.3182,positive,questioning 2691,depressed,Depressed,listener_4,2,Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. - Mark Twain,0.0772,positive,grateful 2691,depressed,Depressed,listener_5,3,Beautiful.,0.5994,positive,impressed 2691,depressed,Depressed,listener_6,4,Its a figure of speech : ),0.0,neutral,neutral 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,speaker,1,"Mine is Falling in love so easily. I dont know if its infatuation or a distraction from my previous relationship. I love someone even though i know they dont have any interest towards me. Together with my expectations and fake scenarios in my head, i hurt myself.",0.235,positive,guilty 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,listener_1,2,Yeah that'll do it takes some time to stop thinking about and eventually you'll realize that A. Regardless of what happens because you didn't make an effort to talk to them it wouldn't matter. And B imagining scenarios is incredibly hard on you emotions and overall unhealthy in general since those aspirations will never bloom. Just find someone else who you think is cute because let's be honest if your biggest regret in life was no talking to a girl I think you'll be okay.,-0.2422,negative,agreeing 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,speaker,3,"I talk to them..But i feel like im being used to fill a space in their heart that is temporarily unoccupied and that after theyre all happy they leave. As if nothing ever happened, as if all the memories we had were all for nothing. I dont know anymore",0.8807,positive,lonely 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,listener_1,4,Then stop wasting your time. Say no because their never going to understand you and how you feel because they don't care. You'll find someone eventually and even if it's not in highschool probably college. It seems to me that maybe you have a strong sensitivity to these things but you might also be more mature and as such would be better off talking to older kids. Like seniors and Juniors.,0.8599,positive,suggesting 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,speaker,5,"Damn, Thank you for this",-0.0516,negative,grateful 2692,depressed,What's your biggest regret in life?,listener_1,6,Ay no problem. I was there too youll get over it trust me.,0.6765,positive,neutral 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",speaker,1,I don't want to be this positive. I want to break down and not build myself anymore and just end all of this.,0.6517,positive,sad 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",listener_1,2,"I'm not an expert.... but it might be better to just wallow in your sadness for an hour and take a break from fighting it, especially if it just takes you over again 30 seconds later. I wonder if you'd be slightly less tired if you had just wallowed rather than fighting so continuously to beat back the tide. After all, it might be like hte tide and after coming in just naturally go back out (without a fight).",-0.5372,negative,suggesting 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",speaker,3,"Hi... When I wallow, I get into really dark places. I had moments where I went on autopilot getting a knife or preparing ropes and I snapped out of it. I do have moments that I forget as I try to backtrack the things that I do earlier. I can't. It just feels like lost time, I don't know where I was or what I was doing. I try to keep on schedule and my routine to avoid falling deeper, just overall keeping myself busy.",-0.5423,negative,embarrassed 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",listener_2,4,Do you have dp/dr?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",speaker,5,Dp? Dual personality? I don't know. I guess I just go on autopilot mode and my lack of focus in general is causing that memory loss but I'm not sure. Im going to see a therapist tomorrow. My first appointment ever after struggling for 1 year.,-0.8318,negative,apprehensive 2693,depressed,"I counted how many times I built myself up and broke down, 46x in one hour. I was so emotionally spent I wanted to vomit",listener_2,6,Nope. depersonalization/derealization,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2694,depressed,depressed and alone,speaker,1,ive recently decided i want to talk to someone but dont know who what or where to start,0.0387,neutral,apprehensive 2694,depressed,depressed and alone,listener_1,2,you dont need anyone this wont ever get better. its over.,-0.3412,negative,neutral 2694,depressed,depressed and alone,speaker,3,havent for years. now starting to think maybe it would help if i did.....,0.4019,positive,suggesting 2694,depressed,depressed and alone,speaker,4,stick it out and not loose my mind atm lool thanks btw,0.5943,positive,acknowledging 2694,depressed,depressed and alone,speaker,5,baby steps .... GP you think is the way ? would most likely prescribe you head sleepers not thinks :),-0.35700000000000004,negative,questioning 2695,depressed,What should I do?,speaker,1," I know this one girl that Ive been taking to for awhile. I really love her as a friend. She really put me out of depression. I really love her On Tuesday, we were talking like usual. But when i went home, she told me to stop talking and hanging out with her. She gave me a reason ‘I don’t want others to things that we are couple’. I was sad. Then on this day, i texted her, asking her why and I want her to tell the truth. She gave me another reason ‘i don’t want you to be in trouble because of me’. I asked her with me and without me which one make her more happier. She said she doesn’t know. I don’t really know now what to do or what is she thinking. What do you guys think? What does this mean and what should I do?",0.7345,positive,sad 2695,depressed,What should I do?,listener_1,2,Forget her,-0.2263,negative,sad 2695,depressed,What should I do?,speaker,3,So i just stop talking to her and keep away from her for now?,-0.3535,negative,questioning 2695,depressed,What should I do?,listener_2,4,"For now yes. I am not saying to forget her. Keep your distance. If you know where she normally hangs around, you could sometimes go there to see if shes ok. Just dont do it too much, otherwise you'll start to look like a stalker and people might get suspicious. Shes still a friend in your heart and its impossibly hard not to look out for a friend. Especially her. I believe she trusts you enough to tell you if anything is wrong. Besides, atleast she texted you to say to keep away. Many girls just stop talking one day and dont even tell you and it eats you up inside until you break down and text them in a series of texts and then they dont even reply. I'd say shes good with you.",0.9356,positive,trusting 2695,depressed,What should I do?,speaker,5,True,0.4215,positive,faithful 2695,depressed,What should I do?,speaker,6,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 2696,depressed,I wanna give up,speaker,1,"44 years old and alone. No friends. No social circle. Just a job I hate and myself. This is not worth the struggle to always feel alone and not loved. Oh, you are there for me? Fucking how? I hate people and I hate myself. So I'm just taking up space on earth. I want to live beneath the dirt.",-0.9654,negative,lonely 2697,depressed,Time is everything.,speaker,1,"First of, sorry for my English, it's not my first language. 😅 Story: Me, my crush and our friend were hanging out after school. It was beautiful rainy day. We were supposed to go for a walk. (with my crush) Suddenly, that friend asked what are we gonna do later. She (crush) said she's going out with one guy (that loves her too). She totally forgot about me, and me being emotional little fuck, I started crying. Just tears going down my cheeks. She started laughing and said ,,You're all wet from the rain"" She thought that was rain drops.. She didn't notice anything at all. (We were really close tbh, she always knew something was wrong). After 5 minutes, I said I have to go home. When I left, I texted that friend what happened and my crush read it. She started apologizing and so on. At that moment I thought I'm better off dead. Anyway, she started ignoring me and shit. But every day, she went out with him. I was so fricking jealous. Now I'm not talking with her, and started noticing a lot of things about her. She's literally dumb and pretty bad person overall. I'm happy that she rejected me back then. I don't even care about her anymore. Yes, when I see those two together, it hurts. But just a little. I'm pretty much a happy person again. Moral of the story, think straight about everything. If you're not able to do that, best way to solve this is therapist or someone you trust, who's been through something similar and is okay now. Try to talk about that, it's gonna help you tremendously. Love you all, have a nice life my dear stranger's ❤️",0.9847,positive,ashamed 2697,depressed,Time is everything.,listener_1,2,Ah.. I’m sorry to hear.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2697,depressed,Time is everything.,speaker,3,"I've been there too, and it always got better. This is cliché as hell, but try to be yourself. I started being too honest at some point, and everything was okay. People who didn't like it stopped talking with me but hey. Their loss. And a lot of people started to talk with me after I changed my way of thinking. Just don't pretend to be someone else. It's gonna destroy you inside.",-0.4537,negative,trusting 2698,depressed,I don’t think I’ve ever been this depressed before,speaker,1,It’s so heavy. Everything is pointless. It’s all so dark I can’t believe this is actually life. I wonder if I get one or more. And if more will I always forget the last one? How long will it last? To the end of everything? Fucking bullshit I hate life fuck you shit universe you fucking evil piece of shit. I don’t know how to put into words how painful this inescapable feeling/thought is.,-0.9831,negative,sad 2699,depressed,You’re truly great even if you don’t know It.,speaker,1,"So as context, I was texting my friend, to which can make anyone smile. And I just had a fight with my mom, and the next day, I’m gonna have to go to therapy with my dad and explain all that’s been bothering me. It’s causing me lots of anxiety, and I just want to die for a day. My friend knew this, and we started talking bout it, even if he had no context as to why. Then he sent me something that said “Yrah but your the great [my name]! Nobody could replace you!” And I just started crying silently. I have no reason why, but hearing those words made me feel happy, like there was a reason to live tomorrow.",0.8264,positive,trusting 2699,depressed,You’re truly great even if you don’t know It.,listener_1,2,Friends who can do that are great to have,0.802,positive,grateful 2699,depressed,You’re truly great even if you don’t know It.,speaker,3,I agree they are.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 2700,depressed,I just want to leave this world,speaker,1,I was having an okay day and then posted a photo somewhere on here and was attached and made to feel worthless. My self esteem is already as low as it can be. Ive been traumatized this past year being in an abusive relationship. Have nobody to comfort me. Honestly just so tired of every day being terrible. Can't understand how people are so fucking cruel. Just want to wake up and not be hurt anymore.,-0.9157,negative,sad 2700,depressed,I just want to leave this world,listener_1,2,"Hey, I'm sorry.",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2700,depressed,I just want to leave this world,speaker,3,"Thankyou for. That helps lessen the weight. I'm a very depressed person and it's difficult for me to get up in the morning. My wish is that you try not to hurt others because you never know by a stupid photo the story that's really taking place inside. We all make mistakes, and when we suffer we often unload it on others. I don't know your story, but I know that you can act kindly towards others and so I hope you can do that, even when it feels difficult.",0.3837,positive,consoling 2700,depressed,I just want to leave this world,listener_1,4,"Did you read my confession? Hope you do, bye",0.4404,positive,consoling 2701,depressed,I miss him so much,speaker,1,"It’s been a year and a half, I threw that chance that I had with him away. And now that I’m in high school with him it seems that I won’t have another chance. He’s the only genuine person I’ve ever meet and I threw it away. I lost half of my friends I have an amazing family but I still feel... lost, numb. High school sucks, I’ve been training for track so I look forward to track season but shit still sucks. I hate everyday, it’s such a challenge, I tried to cry really hard just a few minutes ago but nothing. I feel so overwhelmed but numb at the same time. Just wanted to vent but damn. I mess everything up, I’m so tired.",-0.9905,negative,sad 2701,depressed,I miss him so much,listener_1,2,Atleast you have friends :') The first time i went to a birthday party was when i was 20.,0.8442,positive,neutral 2701,depressed,I miss him so much,listener_2,3,"That must have been a while ago. Did you use Napster back in the day? I’ve read about it online, it was really revolutionary, basically the predecessor to Spotify and all that stuff",0.0,neutral,questioning 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,speaker,1,"My entire life people have chosen themselves/others or substances over me. It’s like I barely exist anymore. Nobody cares, as much as I try. I try and reach out and just get shot down every time. All I’ve ever wanted was to be happy and I can’t remember a time when I ever was. I look after people, I listen to all their life dramas, I buy people things in the hope they’ll stick around. I ask their hopes and dreams but nobody ever asks me about myself. I always tell myself that ‘they’re just busy’ or ‘they’ll choose me next time’ ‘maybe if I tell them how I feel they’ll realise they’re killing me inside’ but no. It’s like I don’t even have a voice anymore. There’s no point in even trying. I’m a dull void. A waste of space in people’s lives, a burden. I’m just so sick of trying.",-0.9498,negative,faithful 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,listener_1,2,"Then stop trying. If you are trying then you are not making true friends. If they stick because you bought them something or did something for them, then they may only be sticking for the free stuff and taking advantage of you. If that is fine by you then ok. Your choice. True friends will come to you when you be yourself and stop trying to impress people with the stuff stated above. Those who care will come. Those who don't care will go. I care for what you have to say. Speak and you will be heard. Although i may take a little time to respond back cause of different time zones maybe, i will always reply back. I may just be the person to start the conversation, by saying: Hey. How was your day today? I'm here if you need someone to listen and/ or talk to.",0.8856,positive,faithful 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,speaker,3,"Thank you for your response, I’ve never posted before and It was very nice to see that someone had even read my post and even more, took the time to respond. I didn’t mean to give off the vibe that I was materialistic, I just mean I will offer to buy dinner and stuff for people to try to get them to hangout with me. I do try to get to know people on a deeper level as I don’t care about things or anything. I’m not only talking about friends here, it’s everyone including my parents and family. I completely agree with you about the true friends thing, i tell myself this constantly but it’s just that I haven’t met anyone who makes it past this. I can’t stop trying or I fear that I will give up for good. It’s not a new thing to me, I’m 24 y/o. I just don’t want to be lonely anymore. My day was okay, I worked. Like I do everyday. How was yours ?",0.8148,positive,grateful 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,listener_1,4,"Well, since college was off today i'm just at home contemplating life choices and reading depressed stories to feel even more sad. Read one today that made me cry. Tears currently are a thing of luxury. They rarely come out and when they do, they either dry up and never flow down or just a single tear with the weight of a thousand buckets drops containing all of my despair, so it was good to feel i still got some water left inside me, especially since i stopped drinking it a few months ago. I survive on energy drinks. Not much water but they are my daily food and drink for when i do go to college. The thing about lonliness is that you can be alone even with people around you. Either because they dont know what you are going through or just dont care enough that they give off an aura that feels cold and empty. The thing about me is that i am somewhat like you. I tend to buy friends stuff and lend money out, whenever they need it and i habe some to spare, but the only difference is that i dont know why i do this. I've just left it at ""i'm too kind and hence its in my nature to share things as its been taught to me since childhood"". A bit proud i think but cant spend too much time thinking about it, cause i can go in a bit of a tangent...as you can see😶, sorry about that. The intresting thing about a persons day is that, to the person describing their day, it may look like a normal day, but to the other person it could seem like you have an intresting life. I guess what i'm trying to say is, i wanna know more about your ""day""...",0.9361,positive,sad 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,speaker,5,"I completely agree with the cold and empty aura. I can talk to people (at work etc) but I can never get that connection with people. I fear that it’s my fault sometimes because I’m so scared of them leaving that I fake a happy person. But if I were to be myself, like I try and do with others. It would end in the same result. I’m sorry to hear about you never being able to cry. That is something I’ve been doing a lot lately. I never used to but now I can’t turn it off when I’m alone. The kind thing is probably true, considering you’re taking the time to talk to a stranger. But I noticed in myself it’s a trick I’ve always used to try and make people stick around. I didn’t have a good childhood, but it’s rare that people did these days. How was yours ? My day was a lot, I recently was promoted to restaurant manager. So it’s a high stress job. I’m constantly dealing with the staffs issues etc. I’m not great at connecting with people but I try and do the best that I can. Some of the staff appreciate it more than others. I can see that they try and make my life easier and I do everything I can to ensure people get the time off that they need. Even if it ends up with me working 7 days. With a bunch of unpaid hours (I’m on a salary.) I just feel like there’s no point in me taking time off as I have no hobby’s or anything to do anyway and it leaves me alone with my thoughts. I’ve always been that reliable person but it comes at a cost because of my issues.",0.6802,positive,agreeing 2702,depressed,I just don’t know what to do anymore.,listener_1,6,"The cold and empty thing is not you. Its them. Its them not caring enough about the topics you are telling them. Its not your fault. Dont blame yourself for it. I dont have much to do in the holidays, so its convenient if i can atleast talk to someone about something rather than myself. I can get deep into thought if left alone. Not a good thing. My childhood was what would be seen as average but i have come a long way in terms of management issues. I used to have anger management issues and had a short temper for everything. Dont touch my stuff. How dare he say that about me etc. Now its something that doesn't really bother me cause i got used to being bullied in secondary school so names dont bother me, and no one really touched my stuff cause i was the weird one and so they thought i was gay. (Secondary school students are stupid, mainly bullies though) but now it doesn't really bother me at all. Its like the least of my worries. I think that is when all the sadness started cause i just held in everything i wanted to say to the people and juat ignored them. It didn't have an immediate effect on me but built up over time and by the time i got into college it had hit its peak, but school was finished and didn't have to see them anyway. So i guees it turned out fine. I have worked in a restaurant before. Was there for bearly 4 years. Wasn't a manager or anything but i handled the fryer and grill section, with the dealing with customers and taking their orders. I didn't want to talk to people cause they tried to get too comfortable with me and it just made me uncomfortable but it was a job and i had to do it. Thankfully i only had to deal with customers one of the 7 days, so it wasn't that bad.",-0.9457,negative,lonely 2703,depressed,I feel guilty about thinking I’m depressed,speaker,1,"I feel super guilty whenever I think that I’m depressed or have anxiety. Like I have what I think are panic attacks all the time and I have most of the symptoms for depression but I don’t want to be one of the cringey self diagnosed people that are like “I have anxiety and depression I’m so quirky”. but I’m also terrified to get anything diagnosed because I feel like I don’t have the right to feel this way. Like yeah, my life is pretty shitty but not as shitty as a lot of other people’s. I’m just so confused about the whole thing. I know I feel this way but it just feels like it’s wrong or I’m some pretender that’s exaggerating and being over dramatic. I feel like I should just suck it up and get over it but I just can’t. I’ve been this way for so fucking long I’m just tired. At this point I don’t think I have the capacity to live an actual life, like I’ll just fuck it up somehow. I honestly can’t decide between living a life of mediocrity at best or just heading out early",-0.758,negative,ashamed 2703,depressed,I feel guilty about thinking I’m depressed,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way. From the outside, my life seems pretty great ya know? But once in a while I just get really sad for no reason and I don't feel like I have that right to say I'm depressed. I've been putting up a front that I'm happy for the last 4 years and it's getting exhausting. I hope this helped in the way that you aren't alone and maybe I'm not the right person for you to be talking to but I'm open to listening about anything.",-0.5408,negative,sad 2703,depressed,I feel guilty about thinking I’m depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you, I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I just feel like I have absolutely no right to feel this way. Like what makes me so special that I can’t just feel like everyone else",0.9185,positive,grateful 2703,depressed,I feel guilty about thinking I’m depressed,speaker,4,Thank you for this. Ive tried to rely on people but it’s kinda hard because I feel guilty and like some type of burden. But that whole thing about an online friend might actually be a good idea. It’ll probably be a lot easier not talking face to face and also they can just gosht me whenever it get to be too much,0.8458,positive,suggesting 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_2,1,I want to end all. I want to die. I just need someone to talk to. Please,-0.25,negative,lonely 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_3,2,Vent as much as you’d like. I’m here,0.3612,positive,joyful 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_2,3,Thanks y'all. I just get depressed randomly for no reason. Last night was hitting me low. I told my wife I needed her and she got upset that I was trying to wake her up.,-0.743,negative,sad 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_2,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_4,5,How are you now?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_2,6,Better. A lot better. Thanks.,0.8271,positive,acknowledging 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_4,7,"Good to know. Remember, we are here to support and help you.",0.8074,positive,agreeing 2703,depressed,I need help,listener_2,8,I will. Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",speaker,1,"I know life isn't easy for any out there, and we all have our problems to deal with. I guess I'm just lonely, and just for anyone to read this would be enough.. I'm honestly holding back tears as i write this. O don't usually give in to being this sad, it just feels like my life has been one long road. I think on how every road comes to an end, so my question becomes.. Do i want it to end? As by my name if you couldn't tell, it's a gamertag. I love games. Games are my escape from this world, when im in my room alone, in the dark just playing. I don't think about the past anymore, just hurts too much. The pain, i can't control. I lost my brother 8 years ago, he was my big brother.. A year later my suppose to be dad who didn't really care to be one, died as well. Now i only have my mom, and she has a disease known as lupus. Autoimmune. Her body destroys itself, she's worked hard and if i could i would take her sickness and die. Were struggling with bills. The medicine she gets cost a lot, and my work doesn't make enough, however.. Im getting sick as well, doctors say it's hard to diagnose. My mother went undiagnosed until around 28 when she nearly died from her sickness. She went through mutiple life threatening surgeries, and even doctors are surprised she's lived this long. I'm starting to feel the pressure. Recently me and my mom helped my grandfather through hospice. We made him comfortable, and stayed by his side as they took him off everything. It was so overwhelming. I didn't want to be there so badly but i promised myself. If anyone i love is dying, I'm going to put on a show. Make them feel comfortable, loved, and show them the conviction in my eyes that everything will be okay. I did that.. I cried in my room, then i would watch motivation videos and work out, shower. Then i would watch him until the sun set. What hurt the most.. After a while they stop opening their eyes, talking, but they move their fingers letting you know theyre listening..fuck. I'm hurting so much inside. So on the last day.. I held his hand and i was crying but i tried to sound so confident. I said"" Everything will be okay grandpa, god is watching over you, there is no darkness, only a warm light around you while our loved ones watch. You're not alone, and like i promised. I'll always be by your side."" It was 6 in the morning. The sun was rising. Surprisingly sunday. I got up and opened the blinds, i told him"" I can tell today is going to be a good day (he would always ask and admire nature outside), the sun is shining and it has a cool breeze."" I laid my hand on his head, and i noticed his breathing became less. His breaths, longer pauses than before. Finally, he didn't breath again and i waited 3 long minutes. I broke down so hard.. I went to my room and i couldn't stop crying. I thought why is life like this, we grew up poor, and I've lost so much already. Then i had to be strong as they came for his body, and so came the funeral which we couldn't even pay, so we had to cremate his body. I dont know if thats how you spell it. We didnt have money to bury him next to my grandma and uncles... Now my mom is all i have left and she's getting sicker, and i am too. My symptoms have worsened. Doctors think i inherited an autoimmune disease also. I can barely pay for her medicine and my body is failing me. We live in some crappy apartments, if its not my body tearing me down, its my mind from the inside. One or the other. I don't let her see these emotions, she has it rough already. I actually pawned my ps4 to give her a good birthday, so i don't have any games to play but i still come here to talk about games. There's so much more that aches me, but it's too much to write. I'll most likely delete this post soon.. In situations that people break down in, scared or just can't handle the emotions. I stand stern and calm. My family asks me how im able to withstand it. I tell them you have to have conviction in what you believe and feel emotions later. Emotions cloud judgement in dangerous situations. The part i never tell them.. Is that my view of the world is dark, and im completely stressed out, i avoid thinking of the past because ill break, i lost most of my talking skills so i dont have any friends, how im haunted by my life events, how even sometimes i want to die.. Does my voice get through.. Its okay if im lonely, dont have friends, money, i just wanted to live peacefully with the ones i love the most. They're all leaving me, soon ill be alone. What will this life be worth without them by my side.. I pray god takes me after my mom goes, i dont think i want to live any longer. The pain is too much to endure and the sickness is eating me alive and i cant breathe, im reaching my limits! Okay, im going to stop now.. I cant even cry for long, This is just a partial stort of my life, one that will ultimately fade because life continues forward.. I know were all faces our challenges. I wish all of you the best out there..",0.9356,positive,sad 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",listener_1,2,"Hey, friend. I just wanted to let you know that I read this, and I feel for you so much. 💜💜💜. I know it doesn’t help your immediate situation but I wanted to reach out and let you know that someone is listening to you.",0.8759,positive,caring 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",speaker,3,Thank you.. It helps. I really appreciate your comment.,0.7959999999999999,positive,sympathizing 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",listener_1,4,I wish you nothing but the best.,-0.5722,negative,wishing 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",speaker,5,You seem really nice. I hope everything goes okay for you too.,0.7996,positive,encouraging 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",listener_1,6,I was actually doing a reddit search about lupus (I was recently diagnosed) and came across your post. It’s funny how things like that happen. I was compelled to respond to you. Sometimes life deals us a shitty hand of cards. You seem like a very strong and resilient person dealing with an unimaginably difficult situation. 💜,0.9184,positive,impressed 2704,depressed,"Hi, I feel really down",speaker,7,"I'm very flattered, but I'm not strong. I don't know what to do with my life, I'm pretty lost. Yes, life does work in strange ways. If i may ask, how old are you? You don't have to answer of course..",0.2717,positive,surprised 2705,depressed,Nothing important,speaker,1,"First time here so sorry if this does not fit the subreddit. So I feel as if I’m at my lowest point. I don’t necessary see a reason to get out of bed, not that I have anywhere to go to start with. I’ve lost all possible love for my hobbies and myself. I can’t help but feel as if I’m drowning in literal shit and I can’t do anything about it besides wait around until things get better again, not that it will. Not that anyone really seems to care. I was already pretty much a loner before but now I’ve started excommunicating myself from my social group since what’s really the point of talking and socializing if nobody really seems to care enough to take notice. But hey, at least I can only go up from here, I’ve got that going for me.",0.8949,positive,sad 2705,depressed,Nothing important,listener_1,2,Nothing important? This is important. No one cares? We care. Things cant get better? They can. And they will. Lost passion for hobbies and everything? Find something new to do everyday. There are a lot of things to do. Lonely? We are here to talk to you. You can tell us whatever you want. Not to confident in sharing with a bunch of strangers? Thats ok. See if you can find someone either here to get to know a little better or someone you already know and trust that you can tell whatever you want to them. Pm me if you want to. I'll reply as soon as i can.,0.6663,positive,trusting 2705,depressed,Nothing important,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2705,depressed,Nothing important,listener_1,4,We are always here for you.,0.0,neutral,faithful 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,1,"So my Birthday recently passed and after everything bad that happened this yr even recently I thought maybe I'll have a nice day at least get 1 or 2 little things maybe a little cake for the first time in years. Sadly no, it seemed as everyone forgot about me or my Birthday. Like I wasn't important. It's also the first time in years I've been at my family house so I thought it would be nice family around but sadly no. I've always made sure everyone got something and a card already organising for others Birthdays before mine had even come and Christmas. Even at work it's been people's birthday during this whole month and I've been helping with surprises and cards and cakes and presents and everyone knew when mine was as we were all talking how a few of us having Birthdays so close together. And at the end I got nothing at all no cards not even a little cake with a candle or even anyone sang me happy birthday. Is it wrong for me to expect just one nice gesture of anyone my partner didn't even get me anything.",0.8603,positive,disappointed 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_1,2,"Happy Birthday. Nah, it is too much to expect anything from other people. Most are too focused on themselves to ever care about others. This has happened to me before and also had other years where people went all out. 99% of the time its because people either forget (yeah even if they knew a few days ago). People aren't actively thinking oh its XYZs bday today but I'm going to intentionally not say anything to make them feel bad. Ive forgotten close friends bdays because yeah people are forgetful, dont take it too hard. Go buy yourself a slice and enjoy it. Happy birthday again, hope next year goes better.",0.9612,positive,caring 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,3,"I understand most people care more about themselves than anyone else and it's easy for people to forget sometimes. But for everyone to forget people who say they love and care for me, makes me feel like maybe it's all just a lie. Having my family, friends and partner not acknowledge anything makes me wonder if anyone cares at all. I've done big things for everyone this year and really thought I'd get the same back but nothing, I was made feel non existent. Even everyone at work gets a little card from the manager and people sing happy birthday and still nothing for only me. What am I meant to even think now.",0.9833,positive,disappointed 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,4,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,5,"Thank you, I like chocolate. And thank you, I feel so upset now I don't know what to do at all. I feel like I just don't exist.",0.6842,positive,disappointed 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,6,"Thank you for the advice, sadly everyone can see I'm upset but no one seems to care.",0.1406,positive,sympathizing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,7,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,8,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,9,"Thank you, I can understand that, and it makes me depressed thinking about it cause I already have that all year round. I was just hoping for one year someone would care after everything I've done this year for everyone else's birthdays but I guess I'm not important.",0.1808,positive,acknowledging 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,10,"Thank you, and I wish I could take your advice but sadly where I am it's not possible.",-0.2732,negative,sympathizing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,11,"Thank you, I hope so too but sadly it doesn't look like it will.",-0.62,negative,consoling 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,12,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_2,13,"Its ok. This feeling will pass through time, just as everything and everyone does. I'm here to listen if you want someoen to talk to. Just message me.",0.2323,positive,trusting 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_3,14,"Well, now ya got me to care.",0.6486,positive,faithful 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_4,15,"Hi upset but no one seems to care., I'm dad.",0.1779,positive,sad 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_5,16,Not to sound depressing but having expectations from humans is the worst ... I rarely expect anything from anyone now so doesn't end up being hurt,-0.8924,negative,neutral 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,17,Thank you. I hope so too. I just doubt it after the past few years.,0.4404,positive,encouraging 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,18,"It is nice to hear someones story and start thinking of how others are as well. And you make a good point, but I'm still a lot like you but instead of just one person I do things for everyone all the time. I'm always there for everyone, whenever they need me. Even though when I need someone no one is there for me. I have tried to be the independent person but sadly that means I am 100% alone. I'm not the person anyone calls to check on or get asked to go out or anything. I basically have lived a life with no one because no matter what I do, or how much I help or do things for people I get nothing in return not even friendship. Life is to short for some and to long for others.",-0.5886,negative,lonely 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,19,I guess I should just be that way but I've not come to terms with things enough. I constantly feel like I need to keep trying.,0.5023,positive,disappointed 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,20,"Thank you, that would be so wonderful.",0.8042,positive,acknowledging 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,21,It is shit when no one seems to care.,-0.3818,negative,sad 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,22,"Thanks, it's just nice having someone to talk to.",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,23,"Thank you, very much appreciated.",0.7251,positive,wishing 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,24,"Thank you, I hope you're right. I hope it will get better and happier cause I really need it this year. And all I actually expected was a card and a cupcake with a candle, I didn't have high expectations. I guess next time maybe I should just forget.",0.9136,positive,hopeful 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,25,Thank you and it is. Some people don't seem to realise it though,0.3612,positive,grateful 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,speaker,26,"Thanks, and that sounds like a good plan to me. Better to have a bad Birthday with someone that a Birthday without anyway.",0.7717,positive,acknowledging 2706,depressed,No cares not even on my Birthday.,listener_6,27,"No no don't think like that , my mom and dad also forget my birthday , it's been happening for like 3 years while my little sister gets like 5 gifts every year But I've come to terms with it And that too I'm living in a new country now and know nobody But ive made one friend and like one friend means alot to me You will also find someone and it will be awesome 😊",0.9823,positive,jealous 2707,depressed,No will to live anymore,speaker,1,"Everyday i hope things change, but they dont. whats the point right?",0.2382,positive,consoling 2707,depressed,No will to live anymore,listener_1,2,"I get it, I’m as clueless as you are. What is the point?",-0.3612,negative,agreeing 2707,depressed,No will to live anymore,speaker,3,"i guess the point is finding what gives u joy and sticking to that, but everything i try always goes to shit. The worst is friends and gf's betrayals",-0.7184,negative,neutral 2707,depressed,No will to live anymore,speaker,4,"i been trying for 10+ years, at this point yeah im just hopin, no energy to try anymore.",0.0992,positive,neutral 2707,depressed,No will to live anymore,listener_2,5,"Daamn, that's rough but try to own this motto ""Life is interesting adventure even it's bad life"" that's pretty cool one :)",0.9186,positive,acknowledging 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,1,"Things were actually going well for once in my life. I was actually happy for a brief time. Things were good. I had friends who wanted to hang out regularly. We got dinner multiple times a week and hung out regularly. We had things going on every weekend. I even thought I had met a girl. She seemed interested in me and we hung out a lot. She made me smile and I was actually happy. Then everything changed. We all hung out one weekend a few weeks ago. Things became tense due to things outside of our control. People outside the group tried to spread hatred into what we had. But we stuck together and became even closer. It seemed like everyone was by each other’s side. Suddenly and without warning one of the group members dropped off the face of the earth. Deleted Facebook, left all the group messages, and dropped out of contact. Many of us attempted to contact them, but it was no use. No one could figure out what was going on. They were a main facilitator to our group so things quickly fell apart. Things went from hanging out regularly to nothing at all, Hardly even a text from anyone. Shortly after I met with the girl I was interested in. She told me some awkward conversations happened in between her and the guy who left the group and she didn’t feel comfortable being a part of the group anymore. She also told me she was seeing someone which was a surprise to me. I should have expected that though. I told her about my depression. Who wants to be with someone who has so many issues... I’m not sure why I wrote this since no one will read it. I guess I just wanted to reflect on things. Going from being happy for the first time in months, having friends who want to hang out with me, and having someone actually interested in me to rock bottom has been about the worst experience of my life. I should have seen it coming. I should have known it was all a lie.",0.9468,positive,joyful 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,listener_1,2,"Im good, and then out of nowhere it hits me 🤕😓",0.0258,neutral,surprised 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,3,That’s how it was before for me. I thought I finally had it figured out this time. Now I have no idea what I’m gonna do.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,anxious 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,4,"That does help, even if only a little. Hope is pretty much the only thing keeping me alive at this point as when I look through my life for reasons to keep living this is the only thing I can come up with. I do genuinely hope things get better, but the universe always seems to find a way to keep me down. This isn’t remotely the first time something like this has happened and I know it won’t be the last. At this point I’m not even surprised. Yet I keep trying. I thought I had it this time. I thought I found people who cared. They actually asked me if I was ok when I wasn’t acting like myself. I opened up to the girl I liked about my depression and told her some of the shit that keeps me up at night. That’s the first person I’ve ever told. She made me smile for the first time in months and I thought she was special and someone who I could trust my biggest secret with. I thought she was the one who say past my issues and wanted to be with me. Instead she was just another liar who didn’t care. Instead she told me all about her new boyfriend, shrugged off my open heart at its most vulnerable moment, and told me to go see a therapist even though I just helped her and stood by her side through her break up, depression, and constant rants about how guys suck. I thought she was different. But she was just like everyone else. And now I have to live with the fact that my heart is still cut open and my secrets are left with someone who doesn’t give a fuck about me. I’m so stupid. I knew I shouldn’t have opened up to anyone. I guess that’s why I feel more comfortable opening up to strangers on the internet than my real life friends. I want to see a therapist, even if that sounds like the worst and most sterile thing I can think of right now to deal with my issues. I know it will be better than nothing. But finding one in my healthcare network, making the appointment, and dealing with a busy schedule all while trying not to tell my parents just seems impossible.",0.9864,positive,sad 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,listener_2,5,"I can understand where you come from, thinking someone truly cared only too find out they don’t really do. It’s happened to me. I used to be so much more depressed, until I found people who made me smile, but even so, I still have the fear we all do, what if they leave? The thing is, everyone comes and goes, some do stay, and those who stay no matter what are the best. A heart that’s been opened, takes time to heal, and it’s always gonna stay that way. If you opened up to her and she dismissed it, I doubt she’d remember what you told her. Opening up to strangers does help, even if you don’t know them, telling them how you feel is so much easier, because they cold never betray you. You don’t know them, they don’t know you. And getting a therapist isn’t just finding someone to confine to, it’s finding someone who doesn’t scare you, it’s finding someone who looks trustable, it’s talking to someone about your problems yes, but also who you generally are. Not wanting your parents to know is understandable, who knows what they’d think. But sometimes it’s better to tell them, they can help with the pay or help finding one, but that also depends on the relation you have with your parents.",0.9842,positive,caring 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,6,"I hope I can find the ones who will stay no matter what. I’m tired of getting hurt by people that I would move the world for. I really wanted this time to be different. I thought that friends were supposed to be better the older you are ya know? And I get it. People come and go. Who am I to stop them? They have their own lives and so do I. I can’t force anyone to like me or love me. But don’t leave me guessing when you walk out of my life. As of right now I feel like it’s all my fault even though that might not be the case. But how am I supposed to know? I can only question myself. Did I do enough? What did I do wrong? Why do people hate me? And I’m sure she doesn’t remember what I told her, (other than the fact it’s in a text and she could go back and look) it’s just the fact that I let my guard down and she could turn that back on me at any point. I feel like I’m being held hostage by my vulnerabilities. I don’t want that to happen. That’s exactly why I’ve kept my walls up for so long. I do appreciate that you are taking the time to listen. I honesty thought no one would reply, yet here you are providing a helpful response despite my long winded paragraphs. Thank you, It means a lot. I went to therapy a long time ago when I was in college. It helped but I only went to a few sessions before the semester was over. their resources were stretched thin already as it was so I felt bad taking up their precious time. It soured my opinion of therapy for a long time. I wouldn’t even remotely call that therapist a friend. The only advice I remember him telling me was to “get on tinder. You’ll have tons of luck on there!” I’m sure I don’t have to tell you how shitty that advice actually was. I never told my parents about that. I know they love me and we have a great relationship, but I don’t want to burden them with my problems. It’s not their problems to bear. They already have enough other shit to worry about. They’re dumb problems anyways. Who says they wouldn’t just shrug it off too. They know I’m not doing well mentally and that’s where that can stay.",0.8803,positive,faithful 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,listener_2,7,"If you hope, you will. It may not be now, but it will happen. I don’t blame you for being tired of getting hurt by people who you’d do so much for, it’s not fun. It leaves you with a scarred heart, and mind. It makes you more afraid to trust people or even tell them what’s truly going on. And the fact that you try your best or make them happy shows how great you are. Friends are supposed to grow with you, not leave you to grow alone. I get the feeling of not knowing if it was your fault that someone left. It’s truly a way a torturing someone without them knowing the truth. When you don’t know what caused it, it eats you up, you think or yourself, what if it was me? But from what you’ve told me about how your group split, I doubt it was your fault. If they left you, then they didn’t deserve you. Did you do enough? Yes, you did what you needed to as a friend. They shouldn’t be expecting some diamonds when all you can give is gold. What you did wrong? Nothing. You tried to make them happy, but they still left? They’re loss. Why do people hate you? Because they can’t see the beauty in someone. They can’t see the effort someone makes for them. Being afraid of that isn’t bad, it’s like a protocol. Let someone in after they’ve been decontaminated. She may have that text, it’s a possibility, but if you guys don’t talk (unless you still are.) then she probably deleted the conversation. You didn’t let your guard down, your guard was broken. The person who you thought was decontaminated, wasn’t. It’s her fault for not noticing how much it meant for you to tell her this. It meant you trusted her, and she didn’t see it? She lost. Advice like that isn’t professional at all. The therapist you saw wasn’t doing their job. It’s their job to help people yet they tell you to go on tinder? It’s dumb. Honestly I think he should be fired, because even if I’ve gone to only one therapist, she showed me that she isn’t just here to listen to my problems and let me go, she’s here to care, she’s here to help. And I’m sorry that you had to experience such a thing. I haven’t lived as long as you, that I know, but even so, I thought that telling my parents my problems, or asking for a therapist, would just be a burden to them. Honestly I think I’m a burden to everyone, but even so, it won’t burden them to know your problems. I think telling them is better then keeping it all locked up inside, because trust me, I’ve tried and such lead to much darker things. Telling my parents made my worries lessen, as I knew someone knew what I felt. Afterwards I got a therapist. Even if they have their own problems, they’re your parents, they want or help you, it’s their job but also, it’s probably what they want. Im happy I could help you. No matter how long the paragraph is, I’ll read it, and I’ll answer it, because you can’t deal with things on your own, it sucks, it never helps. Posting on Reddit, I get that, your letting you feelings out, but no one really stops to answer most of the time. They scroll past, when in this subreddit, some people do need answers. And even if I don’t know you, I do care about you.",0.9337,positive,faithful 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,8,"It just makes me angry at the world and that’s not how I want to be. I’m tired of having hatred and negativity in my life, but it’s so hard to escape from. All I can do is try to be my best everyday I suppose, but this kind of stuff makes it harder. And I’m glad to know not everything is my fault even if I feel like it is. But even so, where does that leave me now? Sure They’re not good enough for me, they can’t see the goodness inside, and they don’t deserve me, but why does that mean I have to be the one who’s alone and forgotten at the end of the day? I know life isn’t fair, but that doesn’t seem fair does it? Yes I still talk to her. I guess part of me is hoping things change and go back to the way they were even though I know that’s not possible now. That’s what I thought therapy was supposed to be like. That’s why I went on the first place. I expected to talk to a friend, not just a doctor who gives you the pitch and prescribes you some medication. Not someone who I feel like I’m wasting their time. Not someone who I feel like is going to send me to the funny farm for speaking what I feel. I want to go back, and I hope it’s more like what you describe this time around. I should tell my parents. I just don’t want them to worry. I don’t think age has much to do with it. Maybe just experience, but that’s about it. You’re obviously wise on this topic and it sounds like you’ve had a lot of experience with it as well. We can sympathize with each other regardless of age difference. And I’m glad you care, even though I don’t know you. That makes it mean even more.",0.9952,positive,angry 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,speaker,9,"And what’s so wrong with that? People desire to be around other people, it’s human nature. We do it without thinking. It’s only when we don’t rely on others (like I already have been for years) that we notice a difference. This is the first time in a long time that I’ve had a friend group.",0.5281,positive,trusting 2708,depressed,My depression has returned in full force,listener_2,10,"It's true that not having the world the way we want it, sucks. Even if its hard to escape from the negativity and hatred, the little things in life may help. Take the things you enjoy, and think about that. It wont take away all the bad in the world, but it'll show you that even though sometimes the world is rotten, some things still give light. Where does it leave you? It leaves you on a dark path, with light at the end. It still shouldn't mean that your left alone or forgotten, because being forgotten or being the one alone, isn't how life should treat you. It's the f*cked up truth, everyone gets left alone, and they all get forgotten at one point. Even so, no one should be feeling that, they should be feeling loved, cared for, not ignored. That's how life is, a twisted game, where those who are good, get hurt, and those who hurt them forget. It's kind of stupid, but when I was a small child, I always thought that we were puppets in someones play. Our actions were controlled, so were our stories. We didn't pick how we lived, they picked for us, and thinking of it now, it kinda goes with how life in unfair, if that even makes sense. Its not wrong hoping that things will go back to how they were, because they might. What I find to be the most helpful when choosing therapist is meeting them for one meeting, and seeing. The first one i had chosen, was too scary, or so I found, then the next one was nicer, she helped, and understood me right away. I hope you get to find something like that, if you decide to try again. Don't worry about worrying them. They truly want to help you, their your parents, that's what they're for. You don't have to tell them everything, but maybe tell them the basis of whats going on, it could help. I guess you're right about age and experience, but each person has gone through things that give them a helping hand for different situations, I guess. And I'm glad I could help you, even if its not much.",0.9799,positive,grateful 2709,depressed,just a personal marker,speaker,1,"a week ago i had an allergic reaction to my medicine, marking the 5th medicine i would have to stop taking in a span of 6 months a week before that my friend was killed and today i was told about another friend that broke my trust. losing another friend for ~4th time in about 2 months they all said i keep changing. they all say i act differently. they were saying knowing that i have addictions. they say this knowing my friend was fucking killed. they say this knowing i can barely bare having friends in general. and yet, i haven’t took a klonopin, or xanax in about 5 days. i thought that was gonna change tonight but, it’s 8pm and that hasn’t happened. yet. i hope it won’t happen at all. i guess we’ll see if i fall asleep without nightmares.",0.5820000000000001,positive,devastated 2709,depressed,just a personal marker,listener_1,2,"Don't make yourself feel bad about needing medication. You're going through an incredibly difficult time. Just practice lots of self care, and if your friends are so difficult to be around...they're not good friends. I doubt that you are the problem here.",-0.8989,negative,sad 2709,depressed,just a personal marker,speaker,3,"thank you, i hope you’re right for the latter part.",0.6597,positive,encouraging 2710,depressed,Can I be honest for a second..?,speaker,1,"I’ve always had anxiety about people. My thoughts have always been bombarded with ‘what ifs’ and I’ve had to much of it. I’ve always been scared to have friends, I’m so scared that if one day I tell them something and they’ll leave. Every single friend I’ve made I haven’t thought of trust worthy. I’m alway so happy, so generous spring others. I want them to like me, it’s like buying them. I’ve been doing that for as long as I can remember. I’ll see my friends slowly separating from me, I’ll be scared so I’ll get them things, offer to pay for them. I just want friends, as my biggest fear in this world is being alone. Quite frankly I’ve gotten so afraid of it, that I’ve changed myself from who I was. I’ve created a new persona and slowly as time passed became that person. I’ve felt as if they truly don’t know me, or as if I’m invisible. If they’re talking, I don’t force my way into a conversation. Because my mind tells me, I’d be better off silent. My mind thinks ‘what if entering this conversation makes me seem needy?’ ‘What if, they just want it to be them?’ I never have peace, and as of now, I’m scared about what the future hold for me. I can’t stay as I am, it wouldn’t do any better to me as it is now.",0.9742,positive,trusting 2710,depressed,Can I be honest for a second..?,listener_1,2,Hmmm okay friend that's a lot to unpack but I guess I will try my best to give you some support. So I've had some trouble in my own life making friends. But I guess over the years I found that you really do (as fucking awful as it sounds) be yourself. Try to let go of the wondering if you should be in conversations and just try to talk of you have something to say. Hopefully you can manage it at least somewhat. Do it once and it gets easier. Wish you the best of luck,0.9844,positive,neutral 2710,depressed,Can I be honest for a second..?,speaker,3,"Thank you, I will try to be myself more often, but even that has become somewhat hard... but thank you.",0.5337,positive,neutral 2711,depressed,Just coasting through life,speaker,1,"So I'm just kinda lost in life to be honest. I'm a constant disappointment to my family and most of my days I feel unable to do something productive. I have no reason to feel like this I just do. 1/7 days of the week I'm great and want to do everything I can to forward my life. But the rest of the time I'm wishing I could just not exist anymore. Not a suicide risk, just wishing I didn't have to live. Kinda just lost my way in life and don't know what to do anymore. Anyone reads this and has some advice would be appreciated",0.9439,positive,sad 2711,depressed,Just coasting through life,listener_1,2,Preaching to the choir bud. That's been me all my life. I don't have advice. Sorry.,0.0572,positive,caring 2711,depressed,Just coasting through life,speaker,3,Yeah no worries man. Don't think there is any advice anyone can give. But it's somewhat nice to know I'm not alone yknow,0.7675,positive,neutral 2712,depressed,moods wings,speaker,1,"i just spiraled into a depressive episode. today hasn’t been fun. this morning i regretted my self harm so much it physically hurt to move and breathe. i got fancy to see my gf but she was really depressed and tired. once i left so she could chill she vented to me which was fine i just got sad, i hung out with my friend which was fun, and i was talking to my gf and apparently she jokingly flirts with our friends which is fine but it made me feel yucky :((( now i’m just sad and i don’t know what to do.",-0.8264,negative,ashamed 2712,depressed,moods wings,listener_1,2,"You're allowed to have boundaries. Bring it up to her. The only way things happen is by talking. Dont accuse but have a conversation. It's not worth being in an unhappy relationship vs alone. If that's something she needs to do and you dont like it, you both need to move on. The outside stress is a lot to handle when you're dealing with your own internal struggles. Dont be afraid to focus on what you need to be healthy and happy. You only get one life so live yours.",-0.7856,negative,questioning 2712,depressed,moods wings,speaker,3,"ty!!! it’s not that easy tho, but thank u for the advice:)",0.5304,positive,neutral 2712,depressed,moods wings,listener_1,4,"I know it's not easy. I understand the struggles with depression and how hard it is to fight through it all too well. It is easy to say ""this is what you need to do."" Its another thing to actually do it. Do things at your own pace. You're in control of it. If you're not ready that's your decision. You'll know when you're ready.",-0.7364,negative,agreeing 2713,depressed,need help,speaker,1,"i just can't do this anymore, i need help, i can't eat food without feeling disgusting but all i wanna do is binge and eat everything in sight, i can't sleep but i'm always tired, i feel like crying but i just can't, i can't do anything anymore. i have to wait a month for a second psychiatric evaluation after my first one when i was 12, i can't last that long. my family is very busy and i'm scared that if anything were to happen to them i would just crumble, or vice-versa. i just don't know how to handle this, i'm 13 and still have to deal with school which i'm failing (i'm homeschooled) and i can barley keep my participation up, i want to eat so bad it hurts, please help, i want to be good enough for everyone around me but i can't even meet my own standards",-0.919,negative,ashamed 2713,depressed,need help,listener_1,2,"You need to talk to your parents and you need to speak with a therapist. Just know what you are feeling will pass, you will find a way through this and live the life you want. It takes time to heal. If you cant see a psychiatrist for a month look into other options. Take a deep breath and go speak with your parents.",0.2023,positive,hopeful 2713,depressed,need help,speaker,3,but i can't,0.0,neutral,neutral 2713,depressed,need help,listener_1,4,"Take a deep breath and create your own path out. Small steps. Small daily goals. If you can get to a clinic, any health care clinic and tell them what you are feeling they may be able to help. Try calling a help line and find out resources available to you. They ate out there. Your parents may not want to hear it acknowledge what is going on with you but that is not your concern right now. This is about you.",0.6693,positive,hopeful 2714,depressed,It’s back,speaker,1,"Hello, I just need a place to put my thoughts and maybe someone can learn from them I guess. My depression has came back harder than ever. I stay up late at night just trying to make the right decision. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend ended shit with me. Did I deserve it? No I don’t think so. I know I don’t need someone who will leave me that fast. But that really pushed me over the edge man. I feel like I’m a piece of shit, but I did nothing wrong. I use to be able to listen to Mac Miller and Schoolboy Q to help me get pasted. I’ve kicked depressions ass in the past. But this time nothing is helping. I hate my job. I hate myself due to my insecurities. I hate feeling this way. But there is something out there that is making me not harm which is unusual. I’ve been having bad thoughts though. I know I can make it through it but I don’t see the light at end of the tunnel tbh. I just hate myself. Thanks for Listening for whoever is out there.",-0.988,negative,lonely 2714,depressed,It’s back,listener_1,2,Hey man no solutions just want to say I know how you feel & hope you get better soon. You did it once before so there is hope (:,0.8989,positive,agreeing 2714,depressed,It’s back,speaker,3,Mac is the goat. But I hope I start seeing the light and the end of tunnel. It’s hard man to keep fighting but I hope I don’t give up.,0.5927,positive,hopeful 2715,depressed,Just wish I could have someone to talk to,speaker,1,"Swear to god half the reason I started getting fucked up on xanax & vodka every day, which everyone crucified me for & I lost all my friends over, is that I'd already tried so many times to reach out & talk about how messed up I felt inside & every time nobody cared or couldn't help. What do they expect? If I can't connect with people I'm going to connect with substances because they don't let you down. Yeah they will definitely betray you & fucking kill you but at least you know that from the start, unlike with people. Before any of my self destructive / just plain destructive actions started I used to try every single **healthy coping mechanism** so hard & none worked. Even people with nice intentions only have so much complaining they can take, fair enough I probably wouldn't wanna listen to me either but if you ignore or put down someone who asks you for help don't be surprised when they spiral even worse. No one cares about me. The only 'friends' I do have are people who are trying to have sex with me, no ones motives are pure least of all mine but one thing I am is an honest friend. I just honestly want to die. Used to be open about my depression because I don't think you should have to hide your feelings, but people can't deal with that so now I just act normal while destroying myself from the inside out worse & worse every day. I want to die. Everyone says 'go talk to someone about it' but then when you try and talk to them they don't wanna listen.",-0.9901,negative,ashamed 2715,depressed,Just wish I could have someone to talk to,listener_1,2,"My best advice is for you to learn the manifest, you are a beautiful human being with endless energy, once you learn to use that energy, you will be able to manifest anything you want weather it’s more friends, more money or even pure happiness💜",0.9744,positive,neutral 2715,depressed,Just wish I could have someone to talk to,speaker,3,Does that really work for you? How do you do it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2715,depressed,Just wish I could have someone to talk to,listener_1,4,"Here’s a video that could explain it more easily, the title is very misleading btw, religion has nothing to do with this, here’s the link- https://youtu.be/had2BZqkOng",-0.0772,negative,neutral 2715,depressed,Just wish I could have someone to talk to,speaker,5,Thanks it's worth a shot,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,1,"Dying wouldnt be such a bad thing then, just a gateway to other lives.",-0.5423,negative,neutral 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_1,2,"We actually do respawn after we die, we are energy and energy never dies, it only changes form. My theory is that there is no “heaven or hell”, we will keep respawning till we get it right, till we have reached enlightenment, only then will we go to “heaven” (aka higher dimension) we need to collect enough energy to be able to travel to the next realm other else you will stay here in “hell” ( a planet with low vibrational frequency, a place with pain and unfairness)",-0.7003,negative,neutral 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_2,3,"I’ve thought this out myself too just by thinking through what made sense to me. I’m surprised there isn’t a set belief around this, I’ve looked and the only thing close to it I’ve found is pantheism.",0.2263,positive,confident 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_3,4,"Not sure how much of it I agree on due to a lack of understanding, but I’m getting a lot of yes from this",0.4886,positive,trusting 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,5,"nice, i actually believe the same thing. Energy cannot be created or destroyed only transferred. And that essencially everything is interconnected, high and low vibrational frequencies are a fact. So u think enlightenment leads to being like an angel of sorts?",0.0926,positive,agreeing 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_4,6,"This literally sounds like acid trip I had. I’m not even exaggerating. I did a full dropper when I was supposed to do one single drop. Everything got weird, started welding together. I realized the only thing is what I thing. And I had a weird time thing where I felt that I was everyone and everyone was me but in the same exact way you describe it. Edit: to top this story off.. I have really high anxiety and I kept feeling like I needed to answer some question about why I’m here, who I am, what’s my purpose and the literal GAG! Reveal is that there is no question, there is no answer. And I kept asking for it and I was literally told that this is it. Right here. This. Stop looking for an answer bc you won’t find it and you’ll drive yourself mad. Life starts and ends here, at all moments you are dying and you are being born and if you can just let that happen... this is it. Idk it was a lot to take like a fucking lot. And here I am again, months later in this deep depression whole writing about a crazy acid experience I had",-0.9668,negative,anxious 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,7,"damn thats pretty deep, i always felt that all lives are contained in like a super conscious, all parts of the whole, the collection of all of us is the Higher Consciousness or God whatever u wanna call it. The only way for experiences to be created is by having trillions of variables out of what is. Thats why being alone is physically painfull probably, being betrayed worse.",0.2263,positive,agreeing 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,8,"Only one way to find out, but even then, you wouldnt remember lol",-0.4585,negative,neutral 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,9,"damn..this went straight to my heart, thank you. Reminds me of how hungry i used to be to find truth and enlightenment. A long time ago now.",0.872,positive,neutral 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_1,10,Remember There’s no such thing as a “ coincidence” everything is connected 😉,-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,11,why does that make u sad?,-0.4767,negative,questioning 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_5,12,"If u have max karma , you become a human ... I don't want to be human again ever",-0.0572,negative,agreeing 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,13,"u prob wont remember anyway, whats the difference? And what would u like to come back as?",0.4329,positive,questioning 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,listener_5,14,I hate human society the way it function ... All around me ppl are so dumb ... I would love to be a pet dog lmao,0.041,neutral,jealous 2716,depressed,What if we just respawn after we die? In another form,speaker,15,"maybe..just being in line with everything about yourself, i doubt good and bad have anything to do with it.",-0.4767,negative,suggesting 2717,depressed,I lost a big anchor point,speaker,1,"My two anchor points that keep me alive are family and best friend. And my parents stated that I should just fight depression and get it over with. They even made a simile with their minor depression they managed to defeat and my very strong, aggressive depression. It hurts to have someone you gave all your trust in just let you down when you need them most. But I‘m telling you, if I die they‘d be shattered. Don‘t get any wrong vibes I‘m not planning on killing myself, not yet at least. To them I seem to be an object.",-0.9081,negative,devastated 2717,depressed,I lost a big anchor point,listener_1,2,"To them you seem like an object. To us you seem like family. Welcome to your new internet family where we listen and understand you. Those who have the same situation, may be able to help you out.",0.8658,positive,caring 2717,depressed,I lost a big anchor point,speaker,3,"Thanks man, that actually feels good to have another human being realise you as an equal. I think I‘ll enjoy it here, where people actually understand other than assume.",0.8402,positive,acknowledging 2717,depressed,I lost a big anchor point,listener_1,4,Not a problem. Come here any time you need someone to talk to or some advice that sounds logical. There are a few good quotes spreaded around this subreddit. See if you can find them. They may help too.,0.7819,positive,suggesting 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,speaker,1,"I've been diagnosed with depression and prescribed anti-depressants. Also going to see a psychologist weekly, but I want to stop going. Anyway, my point here is that words hurt like a knife. I've experienced verbal bullying and physical bullying ever since the age of 9 (I'm 17 now). And when those knife sharp words are delivered to you through the internet it's basically jabbing a knife in ur heart and twisting it. I like gaming a lot, but I am not particularly good at mainstream games. And when I play, I get insults from team mates saying I'm horrible, I'm an idiot, what a noob, f*cking shit, etc. You'd probably think like ""hey man just get over it it isn't that serious"". Dude, a depressed teenage boy isn't going to just ""get over it"" because I take those personally and repeat it like a mantra in my head to degrade myself and make myself feel more like shit. So no, I'm not getting over it.",-0.9864,negative,angry 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,listener_1,2,"Its the internet and games. People take them seriously, like their life depends on it so its to be expected. There are games that are mainstream and non toxic or just like mainstream. Theres minecraft and tf2. Those are the only ones i know but i'm sure theres a whole lot more games like them.",0.8302,positive,neutral 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,speaker,3,Yeah Minecraft is peaceful. And also it seems to others that there can't be any new players in games. Only pros allowed and will curse anyone who they find is the black sheep of the team.,0.2263,positive,agreeing 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,listener_1,4,"If you are a first person shooter gamer try tf2. It has a good community and the game itself has a lot of things to do. We can play minecraft sometime together. I have a skyblock server we can play on. Although not mine, its a good skyblock server. Its a 1.8 server. I also have a 1.14 server, so pm me and we can play sometime.",0.9001,positive,joyful 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,speaker,5,Nice I'll try out tf2 when I've got the time. And yeah I'll drop u a DM when I'm in the feels for playing Minecraft,0.5719,positive,acknowledging 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,speaker,6,I haven't got any courage to go to a therapist honestly. I went to a clinic to get a referral to another doctor when I got diagnosed with depression after answering some questions. The therapist I have isnt all that good and to me it's useless because they aren't helping me in any way so I'm planning on stopping.,-0.8756,negative,disappointed 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,listener_1,7,"We could try tf2 together too. Its a team based game. If you got discord or steam, pm me your username and i'll add you.",-0.4019,negative,suggesting 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,listener_2,8,do what feels right. I read that sometimes people gotta try different types of medication before they find whats right for them.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2718,depressed,Just needed a rant.,speaker,9,just tried tf2 for the first time and i should say its quite okay but i cant get the hang of it.,0.1522,positive,neutral 2719,depressed,How do motivate?,speaker,1,"My stepsons (12) decided they're moving to melbourne with their dad. At the moment their mum has threatened to leave me if i say anything remotely negative to them. My own boys (6,7) are distraught. Theyve just this year lost a dog, a cat, their great grandfather and now their brothers. My wife tried to soften the blow by offering the lil guys their own bedrooms but the twins freaked saying ""nah thats our space"" I'm at a pretty bad point myself. How do you guys find the will to keep on when every option shovels shit straight into your mouth? Am I the asshole for wanting to soften the tragedy with roomspace? Is $520 a week worth 2 empty rooms? Good or.bad feedback is appreciated, im just struggling to find the will to go on and not be like ""OF COURSE IT'S LIKE THAT, F**K OFF YOU DISLOYAL CUNTS""",-0.9633,negative,devastated 2719,depressed,How do motivate?,listener_1,2,"It is a **parents** job to keep the family together, not just one person. I dont live in america so i have no idea if thise proces are high. At this point, i guess you just need to keep pushing through these tough times and leap past them. Your own children need as much love as they can get right now. If you get free time, use it to be with them. They are trying to push everyone away cause they just wanna be alone and isolated from everything thats been going on. You have to be the light at the end of the tunnel and drag them out of that spot and feeling. However, on the other side, if you give too much attention to your children, your step children and wife might take offence to that and think that you dont love them as much as your own children. All you need to do is find a way to be with everyone. One way you can do that is to try and get all the children together and try and get them to get along with eachother and play with eachother. I can simply offer suggestions. To take them and apply them is up to you. Good luck with whatever you do.",0.5527,positive,faithful 2719,depressed,How do motivate?,speaker,3,I appreciate the time you took to write that. I've tried engaging them all at once but it seems like only my boys are willing to put in the effort. My stepsons are fully noncommital to most things. I've spent a decade being with everyone and now I just regret all the wasted effort I didn't spend on my sons. Thank you for taking an interest.,0.6187,positive,grateful 2720,depressed,Pretty much lost all hope,speaker,1,"Hey folks, At the moment I'm going through a rough period in my life, I broke up with my narcissistic ex a couple of months ago. She was really toxic in this relationship which was mentally hurting me. As of now, I am very depressed and just don't know what to do with my life anymore. I find it very hard to get out of bed, I just don't see any reason to do so. I just can't get my head straight. Before this period I always was really entrepreneurially and saw a lot of drive in my life. A few days ago I started getting in contact with my ex again, she as a new boyfriend which kinda hurt me in a way I guess. I know we can't get together with each other anymore, she was also depressed when we were in a relationship and still has some mental problems. But we decided to meet up and talk with each other again, because I told her it was not going so well with me after she contacted me again. This meeting with her was really nice (even tho she was really toxic in our relationship) and I haven't felt heard in such a long time and I think seeing her was a really bad idea, because right now I start to feel even more of a mess and depressed. I'm really missing someone in my life who I can talk to and understands me, this someone used to be my ex and I think that's why it felt so good to be back with her for a couple of hours and just talk. I miss the feeling of being loved or seen, and when she was with me I felt that again and this hurt. I don't feel like I can really talk about this with my parents, I find it very hard. And the friends I'm having right now I don't see that often and also find it hard to communicate with them. Right now I'm studying and I'm around 26 y/o when I'm done (I'm 20 y/o M), I see so many people already completing there study at the age of 21/22 and I find this very hard that I just have to go on for so long and not do anything in my life and don't mean anything. I see myself going downhill, I already wrote a note for my parents and ex if I might go someday. I'm so emotionally unstable, today I was watching The avatar and when something intense or emotionally happens I just start crying, I never used to be like this. I also don't enjoy doing anything anymore, I feel so numb. I used to love talking to strangers and going to work, but right now I just need to seek the energy to do any of this. I feel so lost and just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry for my bad English, it's not my main language Thanks for making it this far into the post, means a lot to me",-0.9744,negative,sad 2720,depressed,Pretty much lost all hope,listener_1,2,"Time will heal you , be patient.",0.0,neutral,consoling 2720,depressed,Pretty much lost all hope,speaker,3,Thanks for the message,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2720,depressed,Pretty much lost all hope,speaker,4,"Thanks for the response. Your words really touch me, really appreciate it. I just find it so hard lately to do basic stuff, and get through life without crying or feeling sad..",0.4785,positive,grateful 2720,depressed,Pretty much lost all hope,listener_2,5,I feel ya I cried a bit today but hey man that's life it's better to experience the good and bad. Then we know the worth of each emotion.,0.5423,positive,sad 2721,depressed,A new kind of depression,speaker,1,"I haven’t felt what I’m feeling before. I’ve thought I was depressed before but this is so much more. I used to wake up and think “today is a new day,” I’d binge eat a lot, cry, get over it. It would last a couple days maybe. Now I’m so depressed that eating makes me feel bloated and makes me want to puke. I don’t want to sleep because I don’t want to wake up. When I wake up, the depression doesn’t “hit me” it’s already there. I don’t even have the energy to think about it. I used to think about what I could do to pull myself out of it but I don’t have the mental energy. For the first time I’ve stayed in bed instead of going to work. I’ve stayed home instead of going to a friend’s for a get together. I just want to stay in bed. I don’t want to see anyone. Not because I don’t care about them but because I can’t handle them being disappointed. I feel stupid. I feel dumb. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’m just lost but feel like I have nothing to find.",-0.9767,negative,sad 2721,depressed,A new kind of depression,listener_1,2,Yep. I’ve been feeling numb for a while but somedays it gets so bad that I don’t even wanna eat. My depressions goes in a straight numb line and then crashes down to unbearable levels of pain.,-0.9558,negative,sad 2721,depressed,A new kind of depression,listener_2,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,1,"This is probably stupid but I just need to vent I guess, So for some context, I have had depression (took bipolar meds when i was in high school) since the 5th grade, i was on meds for it and anxiety from middle school through late teens. Im no longer on medication and I have found a good way of coping with things mentally and I can manage my emotions pretty well. For the past two years I have had really bad breath, I can hardly smell it ( since moving to Florida 2 years ago my sense of smell has declined) but my fiance can and I don't think I have gone a week without him mentioning it. It is killing me inside. I have no confidence anymore, I cant make friends or even talk to my coworkers, I always want to skip class because I'm afraid of working in groups and dont want the smell to fill the room, I am afraid to fly home this weekend to visit people because I dont want them to be stuck talking and being around someone with breath this bad, and I am staying with a friend and family and it fills up my entire apartment so im freaking out worrying that they will smell it. I spend anywhere from 30mins to 1 hour a day doing various things to try and fix it (you can see my previous posts as to what those are). Its exhausting and at the end of the day kind of insane because it obviously isn't helping. Most importantly I fear that it is ruining my relationship with my fiance. He says it really bothers him but it definitely isnt something he would leave me over but I feel like it should be? Like, why would anyone want to be with someone like that? If it drives him crazy then why is he still with me? Part of me is starting to feel like I should end things so he can just go be happy and not have to deal with it. I feel like it has to be so annoying and horrible to have to smell and be around. I don't know how he could still be attracted to me... I dont know, this is starting to drive me crazy, sometimes I feel like I should just be alone and not be around anyone so people dont have to deal with me and think less of me because of it. Ive even had suicidal ideation because of it. I just want it to be gone but I keep reading stories of people who have had it for like 10+ years so i feel pretty hopeless.",-0.9917,negative,ashamed 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_1,2,"Reasons for bad breath. Rotten tooth, Deep cavity, not flossing regularly and tongue. Seriously, scrape or wash your tongue...and always have breathmints on you.",-0.8176,negative,annoyed 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,3,"I have an extensive oral care routine, i do literally everything suggested, nothing works for more than a day :/",0.2023,positive,prepared 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_2,4,Dentist?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,5,"I've always had great teeth but that may be it, I went through a really tough year last year and only went to work and could hardly get out of bed on my days off, so i neglected making an appointment. I have one two weeks from now.",-0.6865,negative,ashamed 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_2,6,It could be a lot of things. They check more than teeth and they're a professional opinion. No need to feel embarrassed with them either. Drs see the worst of the worst. A smell wont bother them.,-0.8971,negative,trusting 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,7,"Right, part of me hopes it's something a dentist can fix versus having to keep seeing specialists. Im more disappointed that I normalized my depression so much that I allowed my physical health to suffer when I could have just made an appointment, live and learn I guess. Thank you.",-0.7425,negative,disappointed 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_2,8,One of the first things to go for me in my slumps is personal hygiene. Cant be assed to do anything. It's a symptom. It sounds like its anxiety about this but if things dont get better maybe seek a psychiatrist or therapist out. It's easy to normalize it or explain it away. Not healthy.,-0.1891,negative,anxious 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_3,9,How did they fix it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,10,"He is the only one who has said anything, i feel like other people notice and are too polite to say anything.",0.3612,positive,neutral 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_4,11,"Well just to be sure it’s an actual problem and not just something he’s making up for some reason, I would maybe try and asking a friend or my parents who I can trust to tell me the truth. Just be like “hey, I feel like my breath might be bad right now, can you please check for me?” Or something.",0.9062,positive,suggesting 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,speaker,12,"I do smell it sometimes, my sense of smell hasn't been the same since I moved south :/",-0.34,negative,nostalgic 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_4,13,"I mean, everyone has bad breath sometimes. Just try and ask someone besides your BF if it really is as big a problem as he’s making it out to be. Hope you feel better soon <3",-0.1027,negative,consoling 2722,depressed,Bad breath causing major depression,listener_5,14,"He actually didn't have a sinus cavity on one side if I remember correctly, they did surgery.",0.0,neutral,surprised 2723,depressed,I hate my Birthday's,speaker,1," It's my birthday tomorrow and, I know you're supposed to be all excited and shit, but I feel birthdays are the most depressing thing ever. It's like you're ***obligated*** to feel special and celebrate the day you were born and cherish your life but in reality you know you're a mess and there's nothing particularly great about your life. * CRAP! And I haven't achieved anything significant in my life yet.CRAP! And I'll be dead soon. \*Panic attack\* * Other's birthday - Their parents throw a surprise birthday party at midnight with cake, pizza, and gifts. On my birthday, similar stuff, but not half as exciting. * My friends on their birthdays - \*Posts an entire album with title\* - THE BEST PARTY EVER. Thank you soooooo much for making this day wonderful.. I'm so grateful to have you people in my life.. Me on my birthday- Oh, thanks for remembering my birthday? :) :\\ (it's not that I am comparing myself with my friends, cause I know I'm introverted, but I never had the chance to feel special on this day, as the others do) * Goes into contemplation mode.. What's the purpose of life? Why am I human? Why is life soo complicated? * I keep my Instagram deactivated the birthday week so that I don't have to deal with people messaging ""Hey, HBD!"" It just gets worse every year..",0.9802,positive,sad 2723,depressed,I hate my Birthday's,listener_1,2,"I feel the same way about my birthday. It’s like a check list making sure I sit down and stay calm. I eat some cake and then get upstairs while the people downstairs are partying. It sucks, birthday used to be so magical when I was younger and nowadays they’re just another boring day. It doesn’t help that I have to put on a fake smile so that people don’t worry about me.",0.4767,positive,anticipating 2723,depressed,I hate my Birthday's,speaker,3,Omg Soo tru.. birthday's were sooo much better when we were younger👶🏼,0.4404,positive,neutral 2723,depressed,I hate my Birthday's,listener_1,4,"Oh yes they were hahaha. Now everything is boring, if I want cake I can get cake any day and I don’t care too much about money to be honest : (. So how are you 2 months later, how has life been treating you?",0.8957,positive,questioning 2723,depressed,I hate my Birthday's,speaker,5,"😂😂I'm doing good..for the first time, a year started off good and it's still treating me good.. Can't wait to mess things up🤪😅",0.8862,positive,hopeful 2724,depressed,"An dich, ein letzter Brief (German)",speaker,1,"An dich, Meine verlorene. Jene die immer zu mir halt egal was kam, egal was auch immer geschah. Stets bemüht an meiner Seite. Zuerst die Liebe nur ein schein dem ich nicht traute, doch in der ich dann bedingungslos entbrannte. Ich verfiel dir wie keiner anderen je zuvor, doch Fehler waren bereits begangen. Ich, bestürzt in Trauer und ewiger Schuld vermochte es nie dein Vertrauen jemals wieder zu erlangen. Ich schulde dir alles mitsamt meinem Leben, doch nicht mal dies ist Genugtuung. Deine Kraft und dein Schimmer erleuchteten mein ganzes sein. Du gabst mir den Sinn den ich seit Anbeginn meiner Zeit nie fand, frustete ein unerfülltes Leben. Wusste nicht mehr wohin mit mir da ich nie eine Bleibe fand. Doch da kamst du, wie ein Diamant so klar und rein. Voller Unschuld und lebensfreunde, zeigtest mir den Weg wieder auf den rechten Pfad. Du schwurst mir bedingungslose liebe von der ersten Sekunde unserer gemeinsamen Zeit an. Ich war überwältigt welchen Schatz ich da fand. Doch dann brach die Zeit an in der ich nicht mehr sah und verstand was ich überhaupt tat. Flog zu hoch. Die begannen Fehler wurden mir zum Verhängnis und ich begann immer weitere was ich nicht verstand. Dein Strahlen machte mich blind, war so in deinem Sog. Wollte immer mehr und verlor dass wesentliche aus den Augen. Denn wer solch einen Diamant strahlen sehen will muss ihn auch polieren, mit höchster Behutsamkeit und Vorsicht behandeln. Dies tat ich nicht. Die Strahlen trübten sich immer mehr. Doch ich bemerkte dies nicht und mit der Zeit bekam der Diamant seine ersten kleinen Risse, darauf folgten auch bald die ersten Sprünge. Ich vernahm es noch immer nicht denn ich war ein Narr, zu blind und dumm. Das grauenhafte Knirschen der Risse wurde immer lauter doch ich war stets taub, lang hielt es nicht an bis der Diamant vollkommen zerbarst. In eine Millionen Splitter Zerrissen lag er nun da. Dieses Ohren betäubende Geräusch riss mich endlich aus meinem schlaf. Doch da war es schon geschehen, ich hatte das wichtigste in meinem Leben verloren. Langsam Zogen die alten schwarzen mächtigen Wolken wieder auf die der Diamant für so eine lange Zeit fern hielt. Die rabenschwarzen Wolken waren mächtiger denn je. Sie legten sich langsam, erdrückend auf mich. Sie zwangen mich in die Knie bis ich letztendlich unter ihnen kollabierte. Ich ringte um Luft, schlug um mich und schrie aus tiefster Kehle, doch man vernahm keinen einzigen Ton. Das schwarz hatte mich nun vollkommen umschlungen, ich sah die Hand vor meinen Augen nicht. Röchelte um die ach so wertvolle Luft. Doch da war alles zu spät. Es war um mich letztendlich geschehen, ich erstickte an meiner eigenen Schuld.",-0.9978,negative,trusting 2725,depressed,poem,speaker,1," I'm a misfit, And everybody knows, I'm a misfit, Even teachers can't say no, I'm a misfit, The rope looks appealing, I'm a misfit, And So does that knife, I'm a misfit, The therapist knows its true, I'm a misfit, I try to fix myself I do, I do, I'm a misfit, But I know it won't work, I'm a misfit, The world doesn't like people like me, I'm a misfit, My parent's stay away, I'm a misfit, Even the Therapist want's to leave, I'm a misfit, Everyone knows it's true, I'm a misfit, Everyone knows it's not a lie, I'm a misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's a common nickname, I'm a misfit, A misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's another word for 'me' I'm a misfit, Mother knows it's true, I'm a misfit, And I guess father too, I'm a misfit, Bro doesn't care, I'm a misfit, He's 6 feet under anyway, I'm a misfit, All my friends are gone, I'm a misfit, Now I'm truly alone, I'm a misfit, Why do I need friends anyway? I'm a misfit, I've got the voice to keep me company, I'm a misfit, I know its bad, I'm a misfit, I know , I know, I'm a misfit, But I'm happy like this, I'm a misfit, Happy all alone, I'm a misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's a common nickname, I'm a misfit, A misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's another word for 'me' I'm a misfit, The voice is turning on me, I'm a misfit, It's becoming quite rude, I'm a misfit, Its saying things like : I'm a misfit, 'Who would believe you **freak**' I'm a misfit, It's becoming more frequent, I'm a misfit, It's becoming more clear, I'm a misfit, It's becoming louder and louder, I'm a misfit, 'help is anyone here?' I'm a misfit, It's getting worse, I'm a misfit, It's in my head, I'm a misfit, No ones here to listen, I'm a misfit, No one would, I'm a misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's a common nickname, I'm a misfit, A misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's another word for 'me' I'm a misfit, I google it, I'm a misfit, I research, I'm a misfit, I look for anything, I'm a misfit, Anything for me to stop, I'm a misfit, Few steps from the edge now, I'm a misfit, I feel the breeze, I'm a misfit, People are shouting under me, I'm a misfit, But the voice is all I hear, I'm a misfit, Falling from the edge now, I'm a misfit, Soon to be buried deep, I'm a misfit, Life flashes before me, I'm a misfit, And I will soon fall asleep, I'm a misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, It's a common nickname, I'm a misfit, A misfit, A misfit, I'm a misfit, **or in other words, i am me,** However, you don't need to have the same fate as me, Here in the afterlife, You don't need to hideaway, Your scars make you unique, It doesn't matter what way I mean it, Physical, mental or true, Everyone is different and, There is **only one you**...",0.8963,positive,ashamed 2725,depressed,poem,speaker,2,I just realized how long this is and how depressing,-0.3818,negative,sad 2725,depressed,poem,speaker,3,i re-read it,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2726,depressed,I fell in love again and it sucks.,speaker,1,Why? Why do I fall in love so easily? I have no chance and all I do is tease myself with something that’ll never happen. I can’t get myself to stop thinking about her and it’s so damning. She’s too good for me and yet I still want her and I play along looking. For a small spark of hope. It’s all just obsession and I know that if I were to get lucky with her somehow I would just end up hurting her or she’ll realize that I’m nothing to her. I can never win.,0.654,positive,hopeful 2726,depressed,I fell in love again and it sucks.,listener_1,2,I’m in the same situation bro. It truly hurts.,-0.0516,negative,agreeing 2726,depressed,I fell in love again and it sucks.,listener_2,3,"Hi in the same situation bro. it truly hurts., I'm dad.",-0.0516,negative,caring 2726,depressed,I fell in love again and it sucks.,listener_1,4,stfu,0.0,neutral,afraid 2727,depressed,I don’t wanna live anymore.,speaker,1,"I miss my girlfriend. My week has been absolutely shit. I saw some dude kiss my ex, school is frustrating, work is frustrating, home isn’t any better, and I just hate everything. Idk what to do anymore.",-0.8655,negative,lonely 2727,depressed,I don’t wanna live anymore.,listener_1,2,Want to talk?,0.0772,positive,questioning 2727,depressed,I don’t wanna live anymore.,speaker,3,"I’ve tried talking to my friend, my ex. Nothing works. My ex wrote me letters to make me happy, my mom has tried making me happy, nothing has worked. It’s been like this ever since me and my ex broke up. Sometimes I can’t even think, I just feel psychotic",0.8834,positive,lonely 2727,depressed,I don’t wanna live anymore.,speaker,4,"I’m not taking meds, but I am seeing a therapist",0.0,neutral,faithful 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,speaker,1,"is that i am going to die one day. nothing is forever, and that strangely calms me. because i am fucking done going in cycles.",-0.5859,negative,anticipating 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,listener_1,2,"So for now just sit back, relax and enjoy the ride named life.",0.7269,positive,content 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,speaker,3,I can't. I wish God could take my soul any moment,-0.4717,negative,sad 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,listener_1,4,"He could, but hes not going to. So just chill and play this challenging game.",0.6399,positive,consoling 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,speaker,5,I literally can't pay rent and buy myself food... okay let's play this game.,0.5568,positive,ashamed 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,listener_1,6,There is a subreddit r/assistance They might be able to help you with that.,0.4019,positive,suggesting 2728,depressed,what gives me hope,speaker,7,don't wanna depend on anyone but thank u for ur concern,0.5023,positive,neutral 2729,depressed,Heartache,speaker,1,So my ex found a new girl and told me all about her...she is literally the opposite of me but the one thing that hurt me the most was the fact that he said that she was all bubbly and energetic with positive air and that triggered my anxiety. I have depression and anxiety that's getting worse but that made me feel like I wasn't good enough because of my problems that I never chose to have. The pain is so overwhelming I dont know what to do...,-0.9517,negative,jealous 2729,depressed,Heartache,listener_1,2,"I would say to stop talking to your ex, when triggers is very much unavoidable. I have been through that and its our own insecurities thats killing us",-0.8555,negative,agreeing 2729,depressed,Heartache,speaker,3,Thank you for the advice and yeah i guess it's time I just block him and move on.,0.2023,positive,agreeing 2730,depressed,Tired of all,speaker,1,"I'm tired of all, everything. I always propose myself everyday day I'm going to be strong or trying to be happy but there is always something that let me down. My face expressions are always sad, my eyes, my eyebrows, my mouth, my muscles face are so rigid and in tense that I cannot do anything to relax them anymore. I go out with friends but it's really hard to keep a happy face, the more I try the more I look desperate. I don't want to close my relationships with friends but I'm having a hard time with it because I don't like to expose me in this way. Now that I'm writing, I'm alone in my bed it's 3 am arrived at home after a terrible night passed with my friends . Went to some clubs, every thing that I do Makes me bored and makes me tired. I don't know what to do anymore. Tried two psychiatrist and two psychologists and I think that it become worse. I don't know anymore what to do, I'm so desperate.",-0.9252,negative,disappointed 2730,depressed,Tired of all,listener_1,2,"“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, ""The righteous shall live by faith."" ‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:16-17‬ ‭ESV‬‬",0.921,positive,faithful 2730,depressed,Tired of all,listener_2,3,"Absolutely not ok. This is in our rules. If I see it again, you will be banned.",-0.4588,negative,angry 2730,depressed,Tired of all,listener_3,4,"Hi not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of god for salvation to everyone who believes, to the jew first and also to the greek. for in it the righteousness of god is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, ""the righteous shall live by faith."" ‭‭romans‬ ‭1:16-17‬ ‭esv‬‬, I'm dad.",0.921,positive,faithful 2730,depressed,Tired of all,speaker,5,"Thanks for the reply, I will try what you suggest and hoping that can help me.",0.8126,positive,encouraging 2730,depressed,Tired of all,listener_4,6,I too hope it helps!,0.6996,positive,encouraging 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",speaker,1,"I have been so depressed for so long I feel like I have grown so comfortable and accustomed to it that I don't even want to get through it anymore. I feel trapped. I have literally no friends. I have no one to talk to. I don't have that kind of relationship with my family. I want to get out and do things, I want to get a job and work and be normal. But at the same time I DON'T. I can't stop thinking about the negatives with everything. Everything is I can't because I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I can't.",-0.6727,negative,lonely 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",listener_1,2,"Hey man, I understand how you're feeling. The best thing you can do is get up take a shower then the rest will just happen. It takes time. I know I dont know you but If you ever need to chat just message me :)",0.7814,positive,agreeing 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",speaker,3,"""It takes time"" You have no idea how long its been don't make assumptions.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",speaker,4,"""With an amount of time"" You have no idea how long its been don't make assumptions.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",listener_1,5,"I'm not assuming. I've felt this way since I was 13 years old. Still feel it daily... I didn't mean any offence, I just tell myself and others that in the hope it's some day true...",0.7641,positive,trusting 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",listener_2,6,"I’m not, not at all. I was stating that’s what I tell myself, I would never make assumptions on such a thing, as I know how hard it can be.",-0.1027,negative,trusting 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",speaker,7,Sorry,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",speaker,8,Sorry,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",listener_2,9,It’s fine! I can understand how you thought that!,0.3365,positive,acknowledging 2731,depressed,"I feel trapped, with no sense of escape. I don't even know if I want to anymore.",listener_1,10,"Hey man it's fine, I get what you meant just wanted to assure you it wasnt an assumption about you :)",0.7351,positive,agreeing 2732,depressed,Depression Jokes,speaker,1,I Always Try Too Laugh My Problems Away. That’s Just What I Do.It’s Not That I Am Seeking Attention or Anything.It’s Just That It’s Just My Only Way of Venting without Looking Like an Asshole.Because Right Now I Can’t Fix Most of The Problems In My Life.I Feel Like I Need Permission too Be Sad.Not Because I’m Short of Reasons too Be Sad.But Because There Is Too Much Shit In My Life That Went Wrong. So Making Jokes Is My Only way too feel Safe When I’m Venting About My Own Shit.,-0.778,negative,ashamed 2732,depressed,Depression Jokes,listener_1,2,Same bro same I tried to look happy to my friends but I give them jokes that are depressing so that I can tell them what I feel everyday,0.3612,positive,ashamed 2732,depressed,Depression Jokes,speaker,3,Pm me If you’d Like,0.3612,positive,suggesting 2733,depressed,I’m backkkkk,speaker,1,"This is kind of like my diary I guess. It’s nice to be heard without judgement. Had a big fight with my gf (3 years). I think we’re both miserable at this point. It’s hard though, I moved away from home so we could better ourselves and she could purse her career after graduation. So now I’m 10+ hours away from home, in college, depressed, and about to be single. She was my best friend for so long and now we always wind up fighting. I just want something in my life to be stable.",0.7245,positive,lonely 2733,depressed,I’m backkkkk,speaker,2,I’m sorry I ramble this doesn’t even make sense but it felt good to get off my chest,0.5719,positive,sympathizing 2733,depressed,I’m backkkkk,listener_1,3,it’s ok. i wanna get stuff off my chest so i joined this. i’m kinda going through this just was my best friend whos a boy. it’s really painful,0.6378,positive,neutral 2734,depressed,I want everyone to be happy,speaker,1,I tell funny jokes and make my friends laugh and happy. Sometimes some of my friends are feeling depressed and wants to kill themselves but I prevent them from doing that. I do this things so that they won't feel what I feel,0.6808,positive,caring 2734,depressed,I want everyone to be happy,listener_1,2,i wish i have a friend like you,0.8126,positive,neutral 2734,depressed,I want everyone to be happy,listener_2,3,What i want its to see them making me happy(is it selfish?),-0.4215,negative,jealous 2734,depressed,I want everyone to be happy,listener_3,4,Not selfish at all!,0.4303,positive,neutral 2735,depressed,I'm just so gullible and easily manipulated...,speaker,1,"I'm sorry. I've been tricked and manipulated so many times I just...hate life...I feel lonely as well..I am scared of being unsuccessful in the future. I just..don't know anymore. Sorry you have to read this, just move on.",-0.8801,negative,sympathizing 2735,depressed,I'm just so gullible and easily manipulated...,listener_1,2,"Number one, you shouldn’t be sorry for someone reading your post, if they read it, it means they want to. Second, I understand how you feel. Being manipulated or tricked isn’t fun nor is it something that should happen, but it does. That’s the thing, there are so many things we wish didn’t happen, but do. You feel down, I understand, but those who’ve tricked or manipulated you don’t truly see you for you. They see you for someone who can do to their bidding, then they can leave. It’s not a fun thing, I know. Feeling lonely isn’t something people want, it could be that you don’t truly feel as if your friends or family are there, or just that they’ve moved on from you. But please try and remember, strangers can be there for you. Take me for example, I want to help you, and I want you to not feel lonely, it might be a stretch yes, but it’s still something that works. Please don’t give up on life, or on the future. You’ll find something in the future that you enjoy. Not knowing something is okay, not knowing what to do anymore is normal. Always enjoy the little things, it might help.",0.9895,positive,guilty 2735,depressed,I'm just so gullible and easily manipulated...,listener_2,3,Thanks for caring for others. You are a beautiful human being,0.875,positive,caring 2735,depressed,I'm just so gullible and easily manipulated...,listener_1,4,Thank you ^^,0.3612,positive,wishing 2736,depressed,I think I’m going insane,speaker,1,"Nobody listens to me, they always change the subject to something wrong with them and pretending to be happy is making me loose my mind. I find no joy in anything anymore, everything’s just empty and dark. Please make it better, please help me :)",0.7922,positive,lonely 2736,depressed,I think I’m going insane,listener_1,2,I always wonder if I'm going insane... Am I... Either way keep going... U know some human is here willing to listen :),0.0772,positive,trusting 2736,depressed,I think I’m going insane,speaker,3,Thanks means a lot :),0.7096,positive,wishing 2737,depressed,broken up with...through text.,speaker,1,"how do you even recover from that? my love texted me at 4am yesterday saying that we should break up, and it had to be the first thing I saw when I woke up. sure, we were having relationship problems, but i thought we were working through it and that things were going to get better. he was never really one for confrontation, but I never thought he’d do that to me. everyone keeps telling me that at least I now know what kind of person he is, that he’s a coward, and that i’m better off without him. but it’s not helping? I loved this guy so much. now I feel like my whole world is falling apart. my last break up really messed me up mentally and I don’t want to repeat that again :(",-0.8672,negative,devastated 2737,depressed,broken up with...through text.,listener_1,2,"That sucks, I’m sorry. It’s gonna be hard for a while, do something you really enjoy today and make to treat yourself. A bad day is still a bad day but it’s a little better with some ice cream",0.228,positive,sympathizing 2737,depressed,broken up with...through text.,speaker,3,"thank you, this made me smile a bit",0.6124,positive,acknowledging 2737,depressed,broken up with...through text.,listener_1,4,"Awww, no problem : )",0.3089,positive,acknowledging 2738,depressed,Rollercoaster.,speaker,1,"So I thought I could get better. But I'm back to doing nothing and wishing I didn't exist and this life would just go away. Yeah. Don't worry about me doing anything dangerous, because I won't. But I was feeling so good for a while and now it's all back to being sucky. Everything fucking sucks. I suck. Sorry just felt like I needed to vent.",-0.3428,negative,sad 2738,depressed,Rollercoaster.,listener_1,2,"I know exactly how you feel dude :(, sometimes life seems so hopeless that it's hard to find motivation to continue. All I can say is try to find something to occupy yourself, like a hobby or game to distract yourself from the pain, or put all your effort into bettering yourself so that the future may be better. I know it doesn't help much to hear this but You do have a purpose, I hope you find yours soon and that life gets better for you, just take it one day at a time.",0.7259,positive,consoling 2738,depressed,Rollercoaster.,speaker,3,"Thank you so much man. Just reading your response kinda makes me hopeful. I wish all the luck in the world, hope you achieve all your dreams:)",0.9417,positive,wishing 2739,depressed,My seventeenth birthday is in twelve days and I'll most likely have to spend it alone.,speaker,1,"I have no lover. I have few friends. Nobody at school really knows or cares about me. I've got pretty much nothing and nobody. I've always sort of hated my birthday. I always saw it as a day where people have you shit out ot obligation rather than just doing so to be nice. I always saw it as celebrating the fact that you're a year closer to your own obituary being in the Sunday news. It seems so pointless. Why would I want to celebrate my birthday? I don't even like myself, why celebrate a day centered around something I don't even like? Most people don't like me either. I've got my family and about a handful of friends (of which I am thankful to have though). But nobody will even be there for me on my birthday besides my mom and brothers, and that's if I'm lucky. All of my brothers work and my mom is never home nowadays, so I wouldn't be surprised if even they didn't show up. So I'll essentially be all alone. I've always fantasized about liking my birthday. Loving it even. I'd wake up to texts from friends and family, even a lover, all saying ""happy birthday"" with some sort of nice message about how they appreciate me. Then I'd get up and clean the house and prepare for a small party I'd have. I'd order pizza and make cake or something and just spend time with all my friends and family and my lover. Or maybe my lover and my family would all go out to a nice restaurant together and just have a blast being together. But it's just that; a fantasy. Not a reality. It could never be a reality. Everybody is too busy and I'm too unlovable and undesirable for a lover. It's similar to how I hate Christmas, though I hate Christmas even more. But that's for a later post. To conclude, I'm not looking forward to my birthday. I haven't since I was a younger kid and I probably don't ever again. Life had a funny way of making everything go wrong for me, and I've just gotten used to it at this point. Though that doesn't make it any easier to deal with I just want to throw my face into my pillow and cry until I cease to exist, but I can't even cry anymore. Yea, I'm lonely and depressed most of the time and I can't even cry. I can't even be properly fucking depressed! But I digress. I hope you guys have a good weekend, and hopefully better birthdays than mine will most likely be. Cheers.",0.9966,positive,lonely 2740,depressed,Groundhog Day,speaker,1,"I literally live the same mundane day everyday. I wake up, go to school, go to work, come home, stay up until 4 am on my computer and just do the same the next day. I have no people I’d truly call a friend and I haven’t felt the warmth of another human being (emotionally and physically) in years. I went through high school with no friends and now I’m in a shitty community college. I feel like nothing I do is significant and I have no passion for anything. I’m starting to get to the point where I don’t give a fuck about work or school cause no one notices. I just want something where I can present myself to people and sitting in the back corner being too much a pussy to raise my hand in class isn’t helping. The only time I feel truly happy is when I’m sitting in discord talking to random people I’ve never met cause they’re the only ones I can truly say anything real to. Yeah I may get called a bitch or whatever but I’ll never have to talk to them again if I don’t want to. It’s not even that I want to die, I just want real people to have real relationships with. I don’t even feel that sad I just feel empty. Lmao I’m such a pussy.",-0.1573,negative,lonely 2740,depressed,Groundhog Day,listener_1,2,"Well, let's see how long the winter lasts",0.2732,positive,anticipating 2740,depressed,Groundhog Day,speaker,3,just find a twitch streamer and join their discord,-0.128,negative,questioning 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,speaker,1,life just is not worth these small inconveniences. the highest highs aren't worth the slightest lows. I do not want to be alive anymore.,-0.1911,negative,neutral 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,listener_1,2,Your brain is fooling you,-0.4019,negative,angry 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,speaker,3,how,0.0,neutral,questioning 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,listener_1,4,Depression is a disease. Have you noticed how you keep telling yourself you're worthless garbage and deserve all the pain you're experiencing? That's not you doing that. First step is to realise that depressive thoughts are delusional. Your thoughts of being worthless make no sense. It's unconstructive criticism and it means literally nothing when you think about it. Second step is to realise what categories of delusion your different thoughts fall into. Third step is to realise the validity of positive things that you've so far been blocking out. Third step is to build this mental repository of positive qualities and memories. Even better is to write them down and reread them to become accustomed to them. Fourth step is to realise that you have been delusional and that this should be amended either by restructuring your way of thinking and/or adjust the neurochemical concentrations in your head with antidepressants. I've not yet reached step 5 but once I do I'll let you know what it is.,-0.7415,negative,angry 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,listener_2,5,"Do you think it’s delusional to come to the conclusion, that it's pathetic that we have to work to find meaningless jobs to do for 5 out of seven days a week, random shit continuously happens out of the blue (some people have it much much worse than me), do this for 40, 50 years, you cannot do what you enjoy because there are people who depend on you etc. Do you think that’s delusional?",-0.8779,negative,sad 2741,depressed,it's not worth it,listener_1,6,"Yup. Its very one-sided. There's so much more nuance to it and positive stuff ignored in your overgeneralisation. Additionally, you should critically look at the emotions you get from hypotheses on objective reality",0.3182,positive,agreeing 2742,depressed,We need to do somthing about this.,speaker,1,Ok so many people on the internet love to fake depression and its not right. So many people on this planet suffer from depression or suicidal thoughts. And people go and beg for attention faking how they should just kill them self. I want to teach you all how to tell if someone is fake or not. Wanna learn? Up vote if you want me to continue this topic or if you agree.,-0.9666,negative,caring 2742,depressed,We need to do somthing about this.,listener_1,2,Do it.,0.0,neutral,confident 2742,depressed,We need to do somthing about this.,listener_2,3,"It's just attention seeking, you get so much attention from having mental problems that there's no limit to that shit loll",-0.8176,negative,neutral 2742,depressed,We need to do somthing about this.,speaker,4,i was not begging and I never said who is and who isnt. I just wanted to share this topic because people do fake depression.,-0.6808,negative,neutral 2742,depressed,We need to do somthing about this.,listener_3,5,"You're kidding, right? You *Literally* did both. ""I was not begging"" >Up vote if you want me to continue this topic or if you agree. ""I never said who is and who isn't"" >I want to teach you all how to tell if someone is fake or not.",-0.0315,neutral,faithful 2743,depressed,I make music. But no one wants it. I’m depressed but won’t get help,speaker,1,I’m depressed and alone and I feel stuck on my own Won’t get help so I’m broken Tried to much looking For more disasters answers should I end it become a master? Master planner Wish I could rest put too much time into being alive Just let me die,-0.8878,negative,sad 2743,depressed,I make music. But no one wants it. I’m depressed but won’t get help,listener_1,2,Can i get a link for the music?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2743,depressed,I make music. But no one wants it. I’m depressed but won’t get help,speaker,3,I only have one song that I’ve been working on for a while I just feel like it’s not worth posting but I could email it,0.1071,positive,sentimental 2743,depressed,I make music. But no one wants it. I’m depressed but won’t get help,listener_1,4,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2743,depressed,I make music. But no one wants it. I’m depressed but won’t get help,listener_2,5,bro 😎💪,0.4588,positive,impressed 2744,depressed,"My birthday always makes me immensely upset, and depressed.",speaker,1,"Ever since I was younger, my dad was never around for my birthday or the days before or after it as he goes away each year around this time. I always wanted him to be here and he never was. My mum makes me feel bad for wanting to go out as a family, even without my dad and now I'm apparently self centred for wanting to go a little further out to eat dinner. I realise how alone I am, and if I had a best friend they'd be so excited to share the day with me and organise things with me but I don't have that. I feel as if I'm so disconnected from the people I called my friends and they don't even care about me. It always happens around this time. I just want a good birthday where I'm happy for once. Happy 20th to me, on November the 5th.",0.9676,positive,lonely 2744,depressed,"My birthday always makes me immensely upset, and depressed.",listener_1,2,"Man, no one wish me when my birthday comes, not even my parents...........",-0.5358,negative,sad 2744,depressed,"My birthday always makes me immensely upset, and depressed.",speaker,3,"Thank you, genuinely",0.3612,positive,sympathizing 2745,depressed,lost,speaker,1,"i’m empty. i feel alone. i feel abandoned. i feel numb. i’m tired of trying. recently things have gotten really bad. i hangout with people and i still feel alone. i still cry. i had a break up about a month ago. he never made me feel alone. i feel likes he’s the only person who really knows me. i don’t think anyone does anymore. i give my love to people who never deserved it. i don’t think i’ve ever felt truly loved. i don’t know how i feel about him anymore. i think i miss him but i’m not sure. i don’t think he’s the person i fell in love with. i know he wasn’t obligated to text me after the break up but it hurt so bad to be ignored by him. it hurt so bad to see him already move on. actions speak louder than though. i don’t know what i want with anything anymore. i think i want to be completely alone. i wish i could get a break. i don’t want to be seen. i don’t want to go to school. i just want to be alone. people text me and i don’t feel like texting back. i don’t feel like having a conversation. he was the only person i would really make time for. only person i always texted back. he was my home. he made me feel like i belonged. i really have no words to describe how i feel about him now. sometimes i wish i could just cry in his arms and not say anything. i know he didn’t love me the same and i’m ok with that. i would probably take him back if it came to it. i know i need to move on but i feel like waiting. or idk. it’s hard having no close friends. no one gets excited to see me. i’m always the background character. stupid but the song creep describes me perfectly and him perfectly. he ignored me and made me feel like shit. moved on so quickly and broke my heart, but at least he made me feel comfortable. i feel like the life i’m living isn’t mine. he was my life. i want to be hospitalized but i know how much school work i’ll miss and that’ll just make me more depressed. it’s hard to catch up. i just want a break from everything, including myself. i’ve been contemplating death a lot recently. i don’t want to hurt my loved ones though. my grandpa died this year and it’s been really hard on my grandma. just the other day she told me if it wasn’t for me she probably wouldn’t be here anymore. i know if i died it would hurt her the most. then i have a twin sister who i love dearly. she doesn’t make me feel loved though. she made these friends and leaves me out a lot. but i’m glad she found them and that they make her happy. she’s the only reason why i go out every now and again. everyday at school i have to wait for her and stand awkwardly by them. i hate it. i don’t know how to talk to people anymore. then i have this fear that happens everyday when i’m around people and it’s exhausting. being alive is so overwhelming/exhausting. i’m not religious so there’s nothing to put faith in. i’m all alone. i’m too scared to end it though and i really don’t want to hurt anyone. i’ve been dealing with depression for 4 years now. i thought it would get better but i guess it’s just apart of me now. thank you if you’ve read this far. i am ok and safe i just wanted to get this off my chest.",-0.9463,negative,lonely 2745,depressed,lost,speaker,2,sorry this is so long.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2745,depressed,lost,listener_1,3,I’m sorry all that happened to you,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2745,depressed,lost,speaker,4,"thank you so very much, i see a psychiatrist and am waiting for a therapist. i had one for 2 years but they felt that i was better so i stopped going. i will check out the podcast. i ended everything with my ex. even though i love him i know i need to let go. i can’t just wait till he decides he loves me again if he ever would. i don’t know what to do about friends but i think i’m ok by myself for now. thank you again",0.9773,positive,trusting 2745,depressed,lost,listener_2,5,"anytime, hope you get better!!",0.7494,positive,consoling 2746,depressed,I don't know what the hell is even wrong anymore,speaker,1,"I keep crying. All the time. From early childhood, I was bullied to the point even I changed schools twice, it still happens despite my own efforts to protect myself. No, not all bullies are physical, but in the later years of such phase, they were mental bully. I just keep...crying. Crybaby. I cry when I watch a movie (ey, go watch Hero, it's a really good one), I cry when I can't write an essay properly, I cry even when nothing happened. Idk. I'm not even overloaded with information or study stress. I have an amazing lover, he supports and he knows I'm in vain with my own mental illness. I have amazing parents, as harsh as they would be, they love me unconditionally. Mom finally accepted my request to have a mental check and I was diagnosed with major depression. Pills come in, I kept taking them consistently for 2 weeks and then I dropped, because they make me sleep in class and that's bad, they made things seem so dull to me, like static lines. I have little trouble in career orientation, I was finally pinning a career of choice in university and is picking schools. But then everything just suddenly crashes for no reason. What is even wrong anymore? I'm such a fortunate child but I don't want to even live. Is my brain hypersensitive? If that's the issue, I want to cut out any parts that makes me feel emotional, feel human. I'm tired of feeling everything around me. I'm tired. Please end this already.",-0.9654,negative,sad 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,speaker,1,"It’s odd, I tell myself I have much to live for, yet I’m fine dying now. I tell myself that my death wouldn’t do much, only hurt some people who’ll forget one day and I know how wrong it is. I know how wrong it is to not really value my life. There’s so much to live for yet it’s so easy to die at any moment. I don’t value life as much as some do, because why do we work so hard if all our achievements die with us? We figure out the answers to the questions we ask in life, yet die and forget them. Why do we try to accomplish a dream that’s farther then us? Why do we try and become popular amongst others, if we’ll all be forgotten at some point? I’ve never understood it. There’s no reason to value life as much if we’re all going to end up six feet under? Life is precious? I can understand that but is it precious enough to give it your all then be forgotten like everyone else. If you work hard enough people will remember you? Sure, but those who remember you, all think differently. If we never lived a life worth remembering, no one knows who you are. That’s why life isn’t as precious as people think.",0.7958,positive,ashamed 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,listener_1,2,I love you and you are not alone. Do something good for yourself for today but yourself a treat like a biscuit or anything,0.8938,positive,caring 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,listener_1,4,No do not thank me. I FUCKING LOVE YOU BRO YOI ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOU CAN BELIEVE TRUST ME. I HAVE TO THANK YOU FOR BEING AN AMZING PERSON HAVE A GOOD DAY AND SPREAD POSITIVITY TODAY 💔💔💔💔,0.9811,positive,grateful 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,speaker,5,"I still wish to thank you, and I love you too. I thank you for being amazing and positive. I thank you for responding to my post. I thank you.",0.9729,positive,grateful 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,speaker,6,"I’ll try, thank you.",0.3612,positive,wishing 2747,depressed,I don’t value life as much as I should.,speaker,7,"I guess I might be lacking something in my life, even if I'm unsure of what it could possibly be. Reading what you've given me as advice, shows me a different perspective, even so, those who work hard to make a difference, no matter how small, aren't always remembered. I understand how children can be part of the legacy one holds, but it still doesn't show how one can build a life of its own then it dies along it. That's true that if something lasted forever, it wouldn't be valued as much as it should. Thank you for responding, thank you for helping, and thank you for showing me a different perspective. I still believe what I've written about life, but I'll try and value things such as you say. I appreciate not being alone in this and i do hope i find what I'm looking for. Again, Thank you.",0.9804,positive,grateful 2748,depressed,Stress at new job,speaker,1,"I started new job a month ago. No one teach me anything....everyone says, “it’s not my job.” This reminds me when I was a teenager. I was bullied. No one tell me when to meet for group work. Then I missed meeting. Group mates tell teacher I didn’t showed up. My grade was always low due to that. I am much more stronger than that time now. But this current job made me remind my teenage bulling.",-0.6064,negative,ashamed 2748,depressed,Stress at new job,listener_1,2,"I felt so sad, why are people so mean, what did we do to deserve such treatments 😢",-0.7959,negative,sentimental 2748,depressed,Stress at new job,speaker,3,"Thanks for reply. Until right now, I thought asking question shows engagement to the job. But it was no. I am not going to ask question anymore, and do the job in my way I guess.",0.4497,positive,content 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,speaker,1,"I fell in love with this girl so hard, she was so cute and smart, she treated me so well and she said she loved me back but then she just left me. She left me before we date. She left me without any explanation. Also I feel so bad because I'll never know if I did something bad for her or anything. I need some advices please I don't know what to do",-0.2811,negative,guilty 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,listener_1,2,I completely understand how you’re feeling. The same thing happened to me recently. It’s not your fault and you probably didn’t do anything wrong. People sometimes say things they don’t mean and it really hurts. I’m not sure how to get over it because it still hurts when I think about it too. It’s a really sucky feeling.,-0.8809999999999999,negative,agreeing 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,speaker,3,I hope we both can get over it without feeling guilty or insecure in any other relationship. Get well.,0.4874,positive,consoling 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,speaker,4,"I'm so sorry. You deserve more than this, ok? I hope she realized she made a mistake. And, of course, I hope you don't feel insecure in future relationships and get over it without feeling guilty. But my problem is that she knew about my feelings, we were friends, we flirted, i fell in love with her and she said she felt the same way but then she just stopped talking to me and ignored me for weeks like I was nothing. And the worst part is that we were friends, I was passing through a bad moment and she wasn't there when I needed. And I still blame myself. It hurts a lot.",0.6899,positive,ashamed 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,listener_2,5,"I’d argue that that is worse. If the feelings are out there and in the open that makes it hurt even more when that person up and decides to leave your life. I’m sorry that happened to you. Sometimes an explanation would help. An explanation as to what you did wrong. Or one as to what you should have done better. Or why she decided it wasn’t worth it to her anymore. But maybe it’s for the best that you don’t know and you move on. It’s been a few weeks and the feelings are still the same for me. It hurts, but it’s definitely leveled off somewhat. I won’t lie though, it hurt me a lot and has changed me for the immediate future. She doesn’t realize anything because she didn’t even think of me in the first place. She saw us as just friends, nothing more. She has no idea I felt this way about her. Per her words from one of our conversations after she broke up with her ex: “lots of guys fall in love with me. I don’t owe them anything.” I really hope I can move on from it. My insecurity is extremely high right now.",0.5013,positive,suggesting 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,listener_3,6,"Hey you two, I've dealt with this a lot in the past, don't worry, you will find someone. For the moment the best advice I have is to either turn to a hobby (painting has helped me personally) or something else to get you out of your own mind. I wish you both well!",0.8933,positive,wishing 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,speaker,7,"Yes, an explanation would help me to be better for her - or anyone else in the future. I think this is the worst part. Like, when a relationship ends I always try my best to get over it and to be the best person I can be. It's been two months and I still remember everything it happened between us, everything she said to me and how happy I was. I'm getting better, but I still think about her. Make yourself a priority. Then you'll feel confident again. It may take a while but it will happen.",0.9398,positive,sentimental 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,speaker,8,I always wanted to learn watercolor painting and I think this is the best moment to start... Thanks for the advice :),0.8779,positive,grateful 2749,depressed,how to get over someone you never dated?,listener_3,9,"Watercolor painting is a lot of fun, so go for it!",0.5562,positive,acknowledging 2750,depressed,Need advise,speaker,1,So I had a mental breakdown the other day and I tried talking to my friends about it I told them how I almost cut myself but I couldn’t pierce through my skin one of them said to cut deeper. I don’t know what to think about that.,-0.2508,negative,devastated 2750,depressed,Need advise,listener_1,2,"Do not listen to your friend. They should not be telling you to harm yourself. Please please please take my advice, not theirs. Do not cut deeper. Do not cut at all. I know the urges can be strong and hard to resist, but try to find healthier coping mechanisms or ways to distract yourself. Maybe by writing or drawing or watching a funny tv show. You are worth more than you think.",0.8387,positive,consoling 2750,depressed,Need advise,speaker,3,Thank you my problems have just been building up so much I just kinda broke,-0.4033,negative,sympathizing 2751,depressed,I don't want to give up this quickly,speaker,1,"So, these past few months have been hard. I've been trying to cry but nothing's coming out. It's like those days when you cry for no reason at all. I told one of my friends abiut this, and what do you know, after 2 days she ignored me. Never returned my messages. Sure, she still talked to me at school but it wasn't as fun as before. I posted this here cuz im anonymous; the only thing you know about me is that my name is ella. So anyway, I thought about doing suicide. It wasn't just now. It happened too many times to count. The only reason i'm still not doing it is because i have so many things i didn't get to expierence yet. Like, watch the last ep of Stranger things. Finish all webtoon serieses. Get my crush to like me back. Dye my hair. Get to go to a BTS concert. There ae so many things i still haven't done. I've only spent 12 years of my life. I don't want to end it like this. But what choice do I have?",-0.6232,negative,sad 2751,depressed,I don't want to give up this quickly,listener_1,2,"I’m really sorry, being so young with mental health troubles suck. My mental health issues started when I was your age. Get all your feelings out on a paper, cry if you have to, get your feelings out and try to treat yourself some. Take deep breaths, you’ll be able to do all of those things : ). Do you have anyone who you trust? Maybe you can talk to them about it.",-0.5563,negative,sympathizing 2751,depressed,I don't want to give up this quickly,listener_2,3,Agreed ive been suicidal since about 12 y/o 20 now and nothings changed but still holding out for as long as i can before i end my chance at getting better even though i doubt i ever will bit always a chance ig,0.5267,positive,faithful 2751,depressed,I don't want to give up this quickly,listener_3,4,"Agreed I have had severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and anxiety since around your age, I'm 29 now. Give it time, things will get better. It also helps to find a good outlet for your emotions, any hobby will do so long as it gets you out of your own head.",-0.4588,negative,trusting 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,speaker,1,"I hate myself , every single part of me is so shit , I push everyone away from me , feel like im going to grow alone , and die alone , my self esteem is sooooo low , every single second I Just compare my life to others ppl around me , all happy and Joy and here I am , 17y , never got a girlfriend , a few ""friends"" I suppose , How did my life got to this point? Just wish I could dissapear from everyone, not die, Just gone",0.1605,positive,jealous 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,listener_1,2,"Being 17 and no gf is normal af. Dont make yourself feel bad. Most of my guy friends didnt get a proper gf till they got like...24. Inc my own bf. You've got plenty of time. Also, you will never be happy if you constantly compare yourself to others so tey to stop yourself from doing it now. Id know, I used to do it a lot as well and still do now but way less. It really messes with your head and self esteem. Try to be aware of it and stop doing it. Hope this helps a bit. You're still young, I know it doesnt feel like it but it will get better.",0.6433,positive,jealous 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,speaker,3,"Thanks for the suport dude , really means alot to me , thank you for your time and reply",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,speaker,4,"Thats exactly what I have in mind , I need to focus on me and ignore others ppl , but the constantly overthinking always push me back down",-0.1901,negative,agreeing 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,speaker,5,"I feel you dude , it really hurt but Keep it strongh!",-0.3896,negative,consoling 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,listener_2,6,"Depression is a shit stain of a way to live. If feeling lonely is a big part of it as well, just do what I did/still do. Find a discord group/server for just talking/meeting people, or a group/server on your interests, and you will meet some great people to talk to, play games, and just joke around with; all online",-0.0516,negative,lonely 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,listener_2,7,"don't overthink. get yourself motivated. Engulf yourself in your school work, get a job and save for college. Thats my path and it dosent work for everyone. But when I absolutely engulf myself in my work (school work, packaging job, etc.) I don't have time to overthink anything or anyone. Get yourself FUCKING MOTIVATED, GET AMPED AT EVERY LITTLE THING YOU ACCOMPLISH, AND WHEN YOU COMPLETE EVEN THE LITTLEST GOAL, YOU FEEL ACCOMPLISHED. IM TYPING IN CAPS JUST TO GET MYSELF MOTIVATED EVEN TELLING YOU THIS LMFAOOO. YOU FUCKING GOT THIS MAN, EVERYONES GOT POTENTIAL TO BE GREAT, NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK OF YOURSELF OR YOUR LIMITS.",0.9868,positive,confident 2752,depressed,Well fuck it,speaker,8,Wish you the best my dude,0.7845,positive,wishing 2753,depressed,"...and then you get your test results back and those thoughts of not wanting to live turn into sadness, regret, grief, and terror.",speaker,1,"Maybe it’s a case of “careful what you wish for,” but all it takes is one little test to come back and then your whole perspective on the worthlessness of being alive is reframed. I liked my fantasies better where I control when I existed and when I’m absent. I think my longing to die was a euphemism for how much I just wish/ed things were different, more time, money, peace, friends, etc. I had the realization that there would be only a few people that would even care about my news. Similar to how I saw myself in a stock photo last week online, went to forward it, and—. I don’t have any friends to forward this to. This is how I’ll go out: Silently, hopeless, sad, and lonely.",0.928,positive,disappointed 2753,depressed,"...and then you get your test results back and those thoughts of not wanting to live turn into sadness, regret, grief, and terror.",listener_1,2,"I think more people will care about your diagnosis than you realize, but with everything else you said you hit the nail on the head. We often fantasize or wish for death because we want the pain to end but moreso we'd rather life be different than non-existent. It's only once we are actually faced with the prospect of dying do we realize the difference.",-0.4153,negative,agreeing 2753,depressed,"...and then you get your test results back and those thoughts of not wanting to live turn into sadness, regret, grief, and terror.",listener_1,3,"I think you misunderstood the entire point if this post. The are talking about medical test results, not school. And when you are actually diagnosed with a terminal illness, you realize you didn't actually want to be dead in the first place.",-0.8632,negative,devastated 2753,depressed,"...and then you get your test results back and those thoughts of not wanting to live turn into sadness, regret, grief, and terror.",listener_2,4,"Oh sorry. I seriously need some rest, I wonder what the hell I was thinking, my head is just a mess right now.",-0.8442,negative,sympathizing 2753,depressed,"...and then you get your test results back and those thoughts of not wanting to live turn into sadness, regret, grief, and terror.",listener_1,5,"That's ok. But I would reread the post and think about OP's point- that once death is actually in sight, you start to rethink all those times you wished for death.",-0.9136,negative,neutral 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,speaker,1,Anyone else masturbate just for the rush of dopamine more than sexual pleasure?,0.6077,positive,questioning 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_1,2,"Nah, I hate having the urge to jerk. I only do it so that the urge will go away. If I could just turn off my sexuality then I would. It's only been a annoyance in my life.",-0.8316,negative,annoyed 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_2,3,Same here.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_3,4,Wow that’s impressive hahahah. Honestly doesn’t it get a little boring?,0.8439,positive,acknowledging 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_4,5,"I'm on a site where you can chat with other horny people and some are spamming porn gifs It feels good so it isn't boring, I don't feel depressed then. It takes practice tho (FR tho I just want a hug or someone who halds hand with me): )",0.8841,positive,jealous 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_3,6,"Hahahah I didn’t even know they had that stuff. Must be filled with ads, the creators must earn billions of that site must earn billions. Yeah I get that, me too",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2754,depressed,For the dopamine,listener_4,7,Ye prolly,0.0,neutral,angry 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,speaker,1,"Does anyone else do the same thing EVERY SINGLE DAY! Go to a job you hate, go home, eat dinner, and go to bed just to wake up and do it all over again. I go to work every day, to a job i absolutely HATE! Just for the money. I’m also a full time student and a mother ! When I get out of work, I have kids to take care of, dinner to cook and homework to do... I’m going insane doing this everyday. I feel like I’m stuck in a nightmare. I still have another year an half of school, I’m ready to drop out... I’m ready to quit my job. ADVICE ?",-0.7508,negative,faithful 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,listener_1,2,"I can relate! Waking up, going to school, going home and passing out repeat!",0.0,neutral,agreeing 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,speaker,3,"Definitely going to look into it. I ended up quitting my job today, hoping to find something more laid back and to my liking.",0.802,positive,hopeful 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,listener_2,4,What kind of career are you looking at pursuing? Will it be related to your study?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,listener_3,5,I wish you the best of luck!,0.8805,positive,wishing 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,speaker,6,I don’t really have a support system. It’s just me an my kids.,0.4522,positive,lonely 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,speaker,7,I want to look for something along the lines of what I’m studying or even just an office job. I e spent the last two years cleaning houses and commercial building and it does a number on you physically and mentally.,0.1531,positive,apprehensive 2755,depressed,Repetitive lifestyle,listener_4,8,Talk to other parents or a guidance counselor at school. Sometimes there are groups of parents that take each other's kids from time to time. Like you watch one family's kids for a few hours one night and they do the same for you.,0.3612,positive,trusting 2756,depressed,"I wish i was dead, I just push through everyday barely.",speaker,1," # I wish i was dead, i just push through everyday barely. 📷 I wish I was dead. At 21 years old i have seen some horrific things in my line of work, I don't think that is a contributing factor to my feelings as it may be. I am struggling to find another reason to continue. I feel a continuing sense of emptiness and sadness. I have tried to seek help at one point and found that it did not help. I feel the world is a sad and evil place with nothing left for me to do. I wish my life were different. I came from a home where life was difficult but it could of been worse. i just cant stop thinking of when i will finally meet my demise, almost hoping for it. The only reason I feel I need to continue is for my few friends at work. We all went to High-school together and were very close friends. We had one of our close friends commit suicide about a year and some change ago. His name was Joey, and he was a great guy. He always tried to make us laugh. Me being and introvert, he was the only reason i started hanging out with the other kids during high school. I owe him a lot, a debt i sadly cannot pay. I think i finally understand why he did. There is an overwhelming sense of loneliness and hopelessness i constantly feel. Try as i might to fight these feelings and make this world a better place it does not change. I find my self drained of all of my energy. I try to put on a smile every time i go out of the house, hoping that maybe it will help someone else. I try to help people whenever i can but it just feels like it is all hopeless. I just don't want to continue anymore. I don't know if anyone will read this but i needed to get my thoughts off of my chest. I have been thinking this for a while and did not know what to do. I hope those who read this try to find a reason to continue. I may have failed but you do not have to, i hope you find what makes you happy in life. Please find something, i try to give all i can to make others happy. I Hope it works for you. Please don't end up like me, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. Sincerely, Pieboy479 Ohio -Firefighter/EMT-B",0.9517,positive,sad 2756,depressed,"I wish i was dead, I just push through everyday barely.",listener_1,2,Rest in peace I'll remember this one day.,0.5423,positive,sad 2756,depressed,"I wish i was dead, I just push through everyday barely.",listener_2,3,Rest in peace? Dont encourage someone to commit suicide what the hell?,-0.8157,negative,questioning 2756,depressed,"I wish i was dead, I just push through everyday barely.",listener_1,4,I thought this was his final note or msg to the world,0.0,neutral,sentimental 2757,depressed,Why does she get to be happy?,speaker,1,"While I’m here paralyzed. Not myself, Changing jobs, changing my life. I know life is not written after her. However, I don’t know how to exist without feeling mentally destroyed.",0.3089,positive,devastated 2757,depressed,Why does she get to be happy?,listener_1,2,"Man I don’t know, I’d try to keep good spirits and do what makes you happy, even if it means a whole nother change of scenery",0.765,positive,faithful 2757,depressed,Why does she get to be happy?,listener_2,3,Brutal reality.,-0.6249,negative,furious 2758,depressed,So tired of depression...,speaker,1,"Warning: Long, self-pitying rant ahead. On the surface, I seem to be okay. I'm 50, have a decent job, a loving wife (people call us the ""perfect couple""), good kids and relatively good health. But deep inside, I feel like I'm dying inside. At work, I go through the motions, but I don't feel any satisfaction or joy from my work. I've been neglecting my hobbies. My soul always feels empty and I sometimes feel like I'm counting down the hours until... I don't even know what. I've been dealing with depression on and off for years, and I'm just tired of it. If I didn't have a truly terrific wife, kids and other close relatives who would be utterly devastated by my death, I might just consider ending it all. But I know that I can't inflict that kind of pain on them, so I go on. What sucks most of all is that, to a large degree, I've won life's lottery. We're not rich, but we're not starving either. I have a decent-paying job. I did strike the lottery in the love department. My kids are good. I do have some health concerns, but nothing that can't be dealt with with some more discipline, exercise and medication. And yet, despite all this, I'm miserable. There are people who have real problems in life, people who would instantly trade places with me, and they go through life forging ahead through their problems, but me, I'm letting this stop me. :( My wife is truly supportive of me, and she tries her best to help, but even so, sometimes I get so deep in this depression, I can barely do anything other than lay down in bed. I just don't want to do this anymore.",-0.948,negative,ashamed 2758,depressed,So tired of depression...,listener_1,2,"Have you considered picking up a new activity? Or perhaps even traveling / finding an inexpensive vacation home? Maybe you need a change but nothing drastic. I’m sorry, I hope you can find happiness.",0.8871,positive,sympathizing 2758,depressed,So tired of depression...,speaker,3,"Thank you for responding. I’m afraid traveling (let alone buying a vacation home) is out. We’re not starving, but finances aren’t exactly loose either.., As for a new activity... it’s not that I’m bored with my hobby - I want to peruse it. I just don’t seem to have the energy or drive to do that, let alone start something new. :(",-0.4701,negative,disappointed 2758,depressed,So tired of depression...,speaker,4,"Thank you, undercurrents. I’ll check the book out.",0.3612,positive,wishing 2759,depressed,Fuck my life.,speaker,1,"I hate my life. I hate school. I hate seeing me being the odd man out when everyone else can get along with everyone else. I hate wondering wether people crush on me because I don’t need any additional stress right now. I just assume that no one does. I have Aspergers and while it’s nice that I’m smart, it still doesn’t help that I seem unfriendly, and speak with a fucking stupid ass monotone voice, which makes people think I am being sarcastic, when I am really not. Fuck my fucking fucked up life. I want to have more than 3 distant friends. Heck, I would get by if I had one close friend. But lucky fucking me, I get to have a condition that is similar to autism, while having little fucking stupid ass social skills to make me feel not lonely. Don’t even read this. You’ll waste your time. -A 13 year old with Aspergers",-0.9609,negative,afraid 2759,depressed,Fuck my life.,listener_1,2,"Listen, I remember feeling very similar in school, but it gets better. I tended and at times still tend to be somewhat robotic in my behavior, you will find others who are able to accept you for who you are. Just be you and don't hate yourself for it, we all have our own path. -A 29 yo with autism spectrum disorder",0.838,positive,trusting 2759,depressed,Fuck my life.,speaker,3,Thanks for the support.,0.6808,positive,wishing 2760,depressed,Therapist’s response to my self harm made me uncomfortable.. is this normal?,speaker,1,"Hey so i just recently opened up to my therapist about me self harming and relapsing and her response just... made me so uncomfortable? She was very understanding when i was opening up and provided ways i can try stopping and using different coping methods. At one point i was trying to explain to her that i felt like even if i were to hide/take away the stuff i use i would b able to use other things and she totally agreed with me, then started explaining how i can use anything and took a random object from her desk and started using it pretending she was cutting her arm while explaining how easy it is to use anything??? She kept repeating how easy it is to do so. I was REALLY shocked and uncomfortable. She also asked me questions like what i use, where, when, and how i do it and made me go into detail when its something i dont like thinking about. It just really fucked me up ngl. Im just wondering if this is a normal response from a therapist? Now im scared to open up to her on other things cause idk how she’ll respond.",-0.937,negative,trusting 2760,depressed,Therapist’s response to my self harm made me uncomfortable.. is this normal?,listener_1,2,"Wow. I’m in shock. I don’t know if she’s try to use reverse-psychology on you or anything like that but I definitely think you should tell someone about this. Either file a complaint or someone you trust who knows about your situation. And if it were me, I’d want to find a new therapist. I haven’t had such a horrifying experience, but one time during a suicidal period, I was asked why I didn’t kill myself. I answered “my family” and then the psychologist asked me how it would feel if they’d find me hanging from the ceiling and such. I was in tears from talking about my situation beforehand, but as she asked this, I went completely numb and silent in my expression. It felt so manipulating to me. Taking my words and using them as a way to “scare me” from killing myself. I was so pissed. I really hope, your therapist isn’t manipulating you too. Please keep my updated, I’m still so shocked and sorry that you had to go through that!",-0.9911,negative,terrified 2760,depressed,Therapist’s response to my self harm made me uncomfortable.. is this normal?,speaker,3,"Thanks for your input, i wasnt sure how to feel about what happened because she’s one of the first i opened up to about this stuff. I mentioned it to one of my close friends and he also said I should see a new therapist. a part of me believes that she didnt realize what she was doing, but i recognize now that its a red flag either way. I also realized that i’m not totally comfortable with her & thats not good either. My friend is going to help me with finding other therapist options just in case but I have another appointment with her in a week or so, so we’ll see how things go. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences, i find it weird how therapists can act so... un-therapist like (or at least what you’d expect)",0.9206,positive,trusting 2760,depressed,Therapist’s response to my self harm made me uncomfortable.. is this normal?,listener_2,4,I agree with this.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 2760,depressed,Therapist’s response to my self harm made me uncomfortable.. is this normal?,listener_1,5,"You’re very welcome and I’m glad you told your friend. I really hope it works put for you but I’m sure it does. If you are comfortable with it and don’t mind the confrontation, then maybe you could ask your therapist why she did and said that. Perhaps she had some weird point with it though I still think she’s crazy for doing that. If you want to, it might also be a good idea to bring your friend. The last thing I, others and he/she would want is for youto feel even worse when you leave your therapist. You got this!",0.9106,positive,suggesting 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,speaker,1,"I’m so bummed. My boyfriend of a year and 7 months broke up with me a few weeks ago. He found out that we’ve been having unprotected sex, and I stopped birth control, but only because my parents took me off their insurance and I was diagnosed with PCOS and was told if I’m not infertile now, I’m close to it. We argued about something completely unrelated before he found out. He made me take a pregnancy test and after we cried all night. Our relationship did have problems but I felt like we were finally figuring out how to love each other better. I was supposed to go to Georgia with him that weekend. I took off work and everything. I called him before work and he told me he needed space and that he just couldn’t be with me. I cried so much. I was so late for work. We met for tea after he got back from Georgia and I read him a list of all the ways I loved him. He said he liked it but he still couldn’t be with me anymore, but he likes me and wants to still be apart of my life and vice versa. I just feel so sad. I miss him so much, and although people keep reassuring me that he lucked out, I just still feel so sad. I feel like It will take me a while to open up to someone again emotionally and physically. I feel sad. I can’t stop thinking of ways I could’ve treated him better and how I should’ve been more open to him, and how I can change my mistakes but it’s too late. I have to relearn to be lonely again, in which I’ve been lonely my whole life.",-0.6725,negative,devastated 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,listener_1,2,I wish you the best of luck.,0.872,positive,wishing 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,speaker,4,"Thank you, it can be tough sometimes",0.25,positive,acknowledging 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,speaker,5,I know... He just kept saying like “communication is my thing! And you couldn’t communicate that.” He’s being so indecisive. He wants us to just be friends when we became romantic first. And that’s just too hard for me...a month ago he bought tickets for us to see Eric Andre together and the show was last night. He texts me earlier in the day about a damn Popeyes chicken sandwich...knowing full well that later that night he’s going to see Eric Andre and giving away his ticket to someone else. Then he posts pictures of it on his Facebook..I just don’t get why I let myself to open to someone that doesn’t care about me even though that’s all they kept saying to me.,0.8617,positive,jealous 2761,depressed,Things change so fast,listener_2,6,"What is worst in that whole thing is that person gets so gas lighted that it starts to believe that this is all ""normal"", shifts in behavior, feelings which are all but solid, series of illogical, almost totally surprising moves on his side ca devastate your psyche. Current devastation shows in form of not being able to trust. That is no surprise, how can you trust anyone when for almost two years you share like everything with this person which in return just slowly but surely drowns you in your own love towards him.",0.8945,positive,devastated 2761,depressed,Feeling down,listener_3,1,"For the past few months, I've been pretty down or maybe sad. I don't wanna say I'm depressed due to the fact that there's more people out there are depressed and not in a same situation as I am. I feel lonely, there's a hole in my chest that I want it to be filled but I have close friends and are really close with my family ever since I've moved out and lived in a hostel. But even with all of that, I still feel lonely. The past few months, I have been constantly ignoring it because the thought of me being depressed was impossible with me having an enjoyable life and so on. But as time moved on I can see myself getting weight, being unmotivated to do stuff and ignoring my social reputation and when I started realizing it. I forced myself to be happy, watch a movie, go jogging and etc but it didn't work and got to the point that I need a ""role-play Girlfriend Caring ASMR"" to coup with my unavoidable loneliness and started to wonder wouldn't it be nice to have a girlfriend? The ASMR did work but for a short amount of time and the after effects was unforgiving. The ASMR made me remember that I won't get into a relationship, I won't get a caring wife who would cook for you and love you for who you are and be with you until you get older. The last straw that made me realize that I was lonely and having a slight amount of depression is when I made a CV for an assignment. The CV needs all of my info and when I recalled what I got, having many failures and few passes from my last exams made my knees weak. It made me remember my past self, saying ""I'm still young, surely I'll get a gf in the future"" started to make me cry. ""I'll get that scholarship and go learn outside of my country"", ""I'm gonna get a job and I'll be rich"". I can't hold it much any longer, I cried and cried and cried silently in my bed. I can't get a girlfriend cause of my bad reputation of being loud and obnoxious, being unattractive, being stupid and no pass achievemmt from my studies. Is there anyway. someway that I can cure my loneliness? I don't want to be depressed",-0.9963,negative,lonely 2761,depressed,Feeling down,listener_1,2,"Helo there ""Bruhhlolhoesmad"" So it sounds like your hurting alot. I dont think there's a cure for depression you can just take, it can only over time be slowly diminished to a very small part that will still be there but not as prevalent as much. If you dont want to be as lonely I suggest a couple things. Keep in mind your gonna need some inner strength for this which either you have or will muster up over time. One is you could start by changing the way you think. I dont mean to bash you or insult but I personally think with your ""hoes mad"" name that it shows a bit of imaturity. And also your loud and obnoxious. With the time your going to have for yourself which you will have self reflect and put yourself in the shoes of another and think about the way you act and behave. Secondly is try to get some friends(It's true) Doesn't matter if there on the internet or in person. Haveing friends can help aliveate how you feel just like distracting yourself with a hobby(I suggest you dont drink or smoke but your choice) Secondly once you've changed ( hopefully )you could start talking to girls, it may be hard bit if you'd mustered up the strength (And I have a feeling you confident) you could start slowly getting friendly. I suggest either asking them out by doing something sweet or starting out as friends. You could ignore my entire message if you'd like Ultimately in this world it's what you make of it.",0.9754,positive,acknowledging 2761,depressed,Feeling down,listener_3,3,"Thank you for your time and advice but like I've said. I have close friends and family and I still don't know how to do the last step since every girl have already been taken. As for my account name, this is my alt account. My main account has more wholesome name than this one and the main reason I chose this name is so that I won't bump to my uncle and aunts when I scroll through Reddit",0.8462,positive,trusting 2761,depressed,Feeling down,listener_1,4,"There most likely than not is a girl out there who's feeling the same way you are. If you have friends or family ask them to see if they can lead you or ""hook you up"" with someone.",0.5574,positive,suggesting 2761,depressed,Feeling down,listener_3,5,"Okay, I will try",0.2263,positive,suggesting 2762,depressed,I feel so useless,speaker,1,"I'm married with 2 kids, my wife has anxiety and part natal depression issues and has been hospitalized in a mental health unit for 2 months with our first child. She is starting to worry me that she is going to end up there again. She's snapping at me and the kids, often for no reason. My eldest adores her and smothers her a little, I try and get his attention but the more she pushes him away the more he wants her attention. I try and do as much as I can around the house, I work full time and when I get home I take both of them off of her so she can relax. My weekends are taking the kids so she can recover from the week looking after then. I moved here and stayed with her, I have no close friends within 700km and feel like when she is like this I have no supports. The last time I spoke to someone that wasn't my wife, work or marketing was a month a go. I have no friends at work I share no interests with anyone, I got a new job to support my family and send more time with them. But didn't have any friends at my old job either, all my friends moved interstate (5 friends within 2 years). Everyone keeps telling me to support her (which I want to do) but when she pushes me away it's hard to... But I also get upset, she has friends and family that she talks to on a daily basis. No one asked how I am, they're all worried about her. I was seeing someone about how I feel but it was expensive and I feel like talking to them didn't really help, I want someone to actually care about my wellbeing because they care about me... Not because I pay them a days wage for an hour of sitting there nodding",0.9423,positive,terrified 2762,depressed,I feel so useless,listener_1,2,It's hard it really is and if you ever need to talk someone you can shoot me a message I go through some similar things and can relate with some aspects of the problem. Just know you're not alone and there will always be someone there you can reach out to if you need to. I'll be that person for you if you ever need it. Nothing better than venting to a complete stranger sometimes because you don't have to really worry about how it's received by then and if you don't like how things go you can just find someone else. It's never easy and it takes a long time and a consistent and correct mixture of medications for everyone to help start making things better sometimes,-0.8006,negative,trusting 2762,depressed,I feel so useless,speaker,3,"Thank you for the kind words. I think you're right, they ask her because they know she's not coping. But, I don't think they're not asking me how I am because they think I am strong. I think that they're all concerned for their daughter/sister/friend, and when they see us that's who they think about. And they do all like me, I'm just not a priority. I've always had a close friendship group of some kind, but unfortunately I work in a female dominated industry in an area that is quite mobile. So it's hard to make close guy friends that stay. I've never felt this alone, which is quite new to me.",0.9535,positive,grateful 2762,depressed,I feel so useless,listener_2,4,"Your welcome, yes that is also possible but doesn't feel to great too I'm sure. And that kinda sucks (sorry) I hope you maybe find someone who lives close to you maybe you can become friends. It really sucks you feel alone and I hope that changes, and I hope your wife feels a little better soon!",0.9141,positive,consoling 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,1,"Is anyone else so desperate to be loved that you basically allow people to break you over and over again? I love so easy and fast and i am so desperate for someone to love me and that leads to heartbreak every time and I'm getting really tired of it. Sometimes I just want to sleep for days. I miss the ""good morning beautiful"" and ""sweet dreams I'll message you in the morning"" texts, I miss being a priority in someone's life, i miss meaning something to someone and i miss being loved like I can love. I wish I could just turn off my heart and be a stone cold bitch but I can't..",0.9335,positive,sad 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear that. I'd suggest raising your standards and trying your best to filter out the ""trash"". If you need someone to chat with I'm always happy to listen.",0.8225,positive,sympathizing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,3,"Thank you, I trie to do that but it seems that I'm not really lucky in the love department.. I hate it that I feel things so deeply",-0.2079,negative,grateful 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,listener_1,4,It's sad. You sound like a genuinely good person but people just take advantage of you. I think it's a positive you can fall in love easily with someone. You just haven't been as lucky.,0.9428,positive,disappointed 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,5,Thanks and I think so but I dont know if they do that on purpose but it sucks.,-0.3182,negative,neutral 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,listener_1,6,Just hold on as others say. Just make a wish every say over a shooting star and one day you'll meet that special someone(sry for the generic advice) And goodluck.,0.6597,positive,wishing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,7,I'll do that and keep hoping. Thank you!,0.68,positive,encouraging 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,8,"Sorry you went through that, I dont get why people have to find something ""better"" when you feel like it already was the best. It really sucks, and yeah dating today is horrible.. right now it's still fresh this morning I found out I was only being dragged along because I made him feel better but he didnt love me even though he said he did. As soon as the woman who hurt him came crawling back he got back with her in not even half a day. At this point I dont think people deserve my caring or love anymore.",0.7338,positive,sympathizing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,listener_2,9,"I can attest to that, my ex got back together with me said she couldn’t live without me and some guy she met once and went on a single date who lives out of state ghosted her, as soon as he decided to reach out to her she said she doesn’t love me again. 4 years of giving my all wasn’t as good as someone who doesn’t even live in the state or care about her. I feel your pain but you just have to keep trying and trying. We will get there it just takes rejection and hurt to find it unfortunately",-0.8481,negative,agreeing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,10,"That is really terrible sorry for saying, and yes I tried but every relationship is harder and harder because I trust no one anymore and I dont want to drive the right one away because of things others did",0.1733,positive,sympathizing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,listener_2,11,"Everyone will get damaged at some point in their lives. It might take time but you can move past it. The best way to move past it is to love yourself more then anything. If you love yourself others will love you as well. I struggle with loving myself because I love others more then myself, I would put someone first over my own needs and it’s really unhealthy.",0.9862,positive,caring 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,12,No that's not unhealthy helping others is good. I dont love myself either cant remember I time I did and that's okay too I think. And I think finding someone for real honest love is luck not everyone finds it.,0.8915,positive,agreeing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,13,That really sucks I'm sorry you feel this way too.. sometimes I wonder if the only reason I'm here is for other people to realise what they want and it's never me. People my age get engaged or married or even start a family and here I am being tossed away for the 100th time.,-0.0917,negative,sympathizing 2763,depressed,Desperate for love,speaker,14,That's true but at some point your going to doubt everything I mean why do they always leave maybe it's something I do idk,-0.5023,negative,suggesting 2764,depressed,What are some good hobbies....,speaker,1,"For somebody who is probably ""naturally"" lazy, but because of what I'm thinking is pretty severe (because I think it's worse than I realize at times) depression, but is also physically handicapped - which accounts for at least ***some*** of the ""natural"" laziness (if that makes sense) ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? Also... sorry for the super-""run-on"" sentence, I didn't mean to write it like that but couldn't think of a better way to word it. (another run-on sentence, lol).....Oh and I'm super introverted, feel uncomfortable meeting new people/in new situations and have ""social anxiety"" to some degree. Although for the record, I'm not on the ""Autism spectrum"" or anything, although I am disabled.",0.5588,positive,sympathizing 2764,depressed,What are some good hobbies....,listener_1,2,"I guess you could call reading books a good hobby. Lately I have been getting into 19th century philosophy, like Schopenhauer and Nietzsche. They provide some valid insights into the human condition. Photography is also an enjoyable hobby, and it will motivate you to go out and look for the ""perfect shot"". Anyway, I hope this was helpful to you. Cheers",0.9698,positive,encouraging 2764,depressed,What are some good hobbies....,speaker,3,"photography sounds interesting, but expensive.....was thinking about painting too, but between $ and the fact that i was thinking about basically just ""following along"" with Bob Ross YT clips but i've seen the result of your typical ""layman"" doing that and being disappointed by the results, i'm not so sure about that because i wouldn't want to spend all that $ on painting for shitty results",-0.9143,negative,neutral 2764,depressed,What are some good hobbies....,listener_1,4,You can expect shitty results for a long time. Then one day you'll get it. Persistance becomes passion,-0.1531,negative,hopeful 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,1,"I’m [19F] not depressed I would say I think it’s my anxiety. My own mind, my perspective on life. I have a good life, I go to school, I have good friends, No family really but I’ve always been good on my own. I am not happy, I am not happy with myself—how bad my anxiety is getting, and how i’m self destructing more and more. I’ve had a drink for a month straight, been trying to eat healthy, and do some self care. I’m a A/B student but I got a %50 on my editing test. I have a boyfriend who I love so much but I know he doesn’t like seeing me like this, and I cry a lot and get sad and nobody wants that around them. Nobody wants an unhappy person. I use to smile a lot, I was the sweetest person. I’m afraid to talk, go on adventures, try new stuff. I’ve never been so worse in my life, i’ve never hated myself so much. I feel nothing but also so much. Even posted on the r/freecompliments page because I’ve never been this unhappy. It’s pathetic. I want help but I had the feeling of bothering others with my problems. I feel like everyone knows i’m unhappy and it’s been for so long that it’s nothing new, i’ll just come out of it like I always do, but i’m tired. I just want to die or run away.",-0.9477,negative,sad 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",listener_1,2,Wanna chat stranger?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,3,Yes pls,0.4588,positive,questioning 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,4,I feel like i’m sitting in a chair and life is going 300 miles past me and i’m wasting away. I hope I get better.,0.6808,positive,sad 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",listener_2,5,At least you’re hoping. You’ve got this,0.4215,positive,trusting 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,6,"My Insurance doesn’t work until January. I’m waiting. Waiting, just getting more tired. I don’t even have energy to argue with someone, I just let them win. Im letting people down. I’m not working out like I promised. I’m gaining weight. All self aware but no will.",-0.141,negative,ashamed 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",listener_3,7,"Sounds like textbook depression to me. There are low cost options. Look in your area for therapists with sliding scales, look at your school, go to a doctor and be honest with them. Do something. I know it's hard. I know how much of a struggle the simplest things can feel like. It sounds stupid but go look in the mirror and smile for two minutes. It will feel like the dumbest thing in the world but after about 30 seconds the smile becomes genuine and you start to feel better. Get up and stretch, as big and wide as you can. Movement and action are the antithesis of depression which makes you want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world.",0.0516,positive,confident 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,8,this actually worked :) thank you. Sleep is needed hopefully i can get some,0.802,positive,consoling 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",listener_4,9,"lol major cheesy and not always that simple for people living with literal psychological/physiological disruptions, however hope is a great thing to look for in your daily life (i.e. a pet, a plant, it really is the little things)",0.8126,positive,neutral 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,10,thank you so much for your words!!,0.4738,positive,sympathizing 2765,depressed,"I think about killing myself a lot, how I would do it, and then I think about the people in my life",speaker,11,thank you tons,0.3612,positive,wishing 2766,depressed,I think I'm depressed idk what to do :(,speaker,1,Hi. I'm 25 M. I will just tell where I am now. I have no family. I lost all friends. I'm alone. I got social anxiety because I lived in isolation for 5 years (not prison) I lost all interest in my hobbys and work. Idk what happened to me. I was a totally different person 1 year ago. Laughing and enjoying life. But step by step I got upset. Mad. Angry. Sad. Day by day and here i am. I'm alone. I cry every day. I see people around me being happy and it makes me even more mad because I'm not! And i dont know why 😔 I dont know what I'm missing. I make people sad just so I can relate to them for a moment. I became so toxic bc of this.... I'm so tired of life.... sometimes I go out for a walk at night and hope someone attacks me so I feel something else than this pathetic sad life I'm having right now. So tired,-0.9943,negative,lonely 2766,depressed,I think I'm depressed idk what to do :(,listener_1,2,"I'm 21 and I can relate. I've been trying to get good at singing and playing guitar so I can write sad songs and get famous one day. But on bad days, I just feel delusional.",-0.6652,negative,disappointed 2766,depressed,I think I'm depressed idk what to do :(,speaker,3,Very funny,0.4927,positive,acknowledging 2767,depressed,Love sucks,speaker,1,Really wish a girl loved me like Maggie loves Glenn in the walking dead,0.8313,positive,jealous 2767,depressed,Love sucks,listener_1,2,You're clever one realizing it now.,0.4588,positive,neutral 2767,depressed,Love sucks,speaker,3,Yeah man haha im twelve and approve this message,0.6369,positive,agreeing 2768,depressed,This Girl...,speaker,1,"Why cant i leave this girl even tho she is really bad for me. I believe its becouse i have such a fucking good heart??? Im scared to Hurt her, but she is a problem for my mental health, my anxiety . Like wtf? Really? All i wanna do is to show her love, show her she is not alone , that i Will always be here for her open arms Is it becouse im not atracttive? Is it becouse im not rich? I wish i had someone like me , as much as i Like her ... She ignores me , She avoids me and etc... and Still im scared to Hurt her",-0.9399,negative,faithful 2768,depressed,This Girl...,listener_1,2,"I have passed through the same, well, kind of. In my case, I was scared she would kill herself (she was crazy) and I loved her, but well, she cheated on me. XD. What I am trying to say, is leave her before you get hurt. Self preservation baby",-0.8402,negative,trusting 2768,depressed,This Girl...,speaker,3,That really sucks,-0.4201,negative,acknowledging 2768,depressed,This Girl...,speaker,4,Part of me refuses to believe she doesnt care about me,-0.3875,negative,annoyed 2769,depressed,I just feel empty?,speaker,1,"I've always been depressed... like its gotten better since i moved out with someone who loves me... but, recently, its gone back to being reaaaaally bad. I can tell its getting to my partner too, he spends hours nearly every night trying to convince me that the things that depress me shouldnt even depress me. And he might be right, maybe it is mostly my anxiety... but i cant help it. I cant even fake smiles anymore, i look forward to sleeping and work more than anything because i can switch off and just pretend not to exist for a while. I cant even daydream anymore, i sit there trying but it feels like my imagination is dry, i just feel so empty. Everything that used to make me happy, i can't stomach, all my friends i used to hang out with, make me angry. I dont even have IRL friends but the friends i have online... i get made and annoyed at them for the smallest thing. And in my head i know it's just unreasonable of me... but i start to resent them. I get the urge to go out and hang with people and DO something but i have nobody to do it with. And then my partner feels terrible because he feels like I'm not happy with him and that he's not enough when he's happy and fulfilled with just me. Idk this is just to vent because... i feel like i wanna cry every day. I'm just so sick of feeling this way.",-0.0792,negative,sad 2769,depressed,I just feel empty?,listener_1,2,Have you sought professional help? This is all very classic depression symptoms that need to be addressed through medication and therapy.,-0.3134,negative,questioning 2769,depressed,I just feel empty?,speaker,3,"I managed to get onto an unofficial programme for therapy, which went pretty badly lol the therapist just didnt get me and multiple times she forgot my name (even after seeing her for a month) ever since they took me off the programme (i was deemed totally fine because i managed to get a job) I've just felt like i always have... like if i go to a doctor they'll just tell me to get over it or that i don't have depression... my therapist at the time was going to recommend the doctor for me but it never went through and im too terrified to go",0.0633,positive,faithful 2769,depressed,I just feel empty?,listener_1,4,"Get a personal therapist and a personal psychiatrist. Getting/Holding a job is not a marker for whether you have depression or not. If you go and they say you don't have depression, a therapist will still teach you ways to start addressing what's wrong in your life and making emotional, situational, and/or outlook changes to help your life improve.",0.3395,positive,hopeful 2770,depressed,Isolation is my new friend,speaker,1,"F/46 My boyfriend is an alcoholic. I go once a week to Al-Anon to try and cope. I want to break-up with him, his family even says I should but we are always so broke that I can't afford to leave. When he's having a sober day I can tolerate him. When he's drunk I hide in our bedroom all night with our dog. He loves to yell and slam doors and never lets me talk, all the while scaring our dog. I hate my life so much. I have no money, job I hate and nowhere my dog and I can go.",-0.9771,negative,angry 2770,depressed,Isolation is my new friend,listener_1,2,I'm sorry.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2770,depressed,Isolation is my new friend,speaker,3,"Thank you. All he did tonight was yell and cuss me out yet profess his love. I ended up taking a hot bath and read. Heard him go in our bedroom while I was in the bathroom. I had a bowl on the bed, bag of pumpkin seeds, my Al-Anon book, pencil sharpener and eraser because I was going to color. I got out of the tub and bowl is tipped over, seeds all over the floor and in the damn bed that he's sleeping on. Took my pillow, book, highlighter and sticky tabs and shut the door. Laying on the guest room bed. I need to try video taping him next time. He should hear the stuff he says to me.",0.6124,positive,furious 2770,depressed,Isolation is my new friend,listener_1,4,Wanna dm me? you can vent if you'd like,0.3612,positive,questioning 2771,depressed,I’m a nobody yet I disappoint t those around me.,speaker,1,I manage to disappoint the ones around me more than I manage to make them proud. I was supposed to be the good kid who always got great grades and kept his head up no matter what. I wasn’t supposed to get involved with drugs or with the police. I wasn’t supposed to hurt the ones around me but I do. I wish that my parents never had me. I wish that I was replaced by someone who everyone liked and who made everyone proud. I don’t want to be here anymore,0.9575,positive,ashamed 2771,depressed,I’m a nobody yet I disappoint t those around me.,listener_1,2,Man i feel you I disappointed my parents many time and i still do with my decisions but i don't want to waste my life caring about opinions that i don't give a shit about. If you like what you do keep doing that if you try to impress the others all the time you will end up wasting your life and being fucked up inside. No matter what if your parents really love you they will be happy if you are happy.,0.9763,positive,agreeing 2771,depressed,I’m a nobody yet I disappoint t those around me.,listener_2,3,Couldn't have said it any better dude,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2772,depressed,Lol this is great,speaker,1,Just had a dream I was spending quality time with my ex haha that’s fucking great,0.8553,positive,sentimental 2772,depressed,Lol this is great,listener_1,2,"this is relatable. in mine, she and i actually had our own place and two babies of our own, and everything we ever talked about having and doing before she went weird and left. at least my dream self can feel the happiness and closeness of her that i hardly ever felt, right?",0.5994,positive,acknowledging 2772,depressed,Lol this is great,speaker,3,Idfk guy I just woke up this morning sad bc I had to remember a happiness I’m probably not going to get again,0.128,positive,sad 2772,depressed,Lol this is great,speaker,4,Indeed my friend,0.4939,positive,agreeing 2773,depressed,Situational,speaker,1,"I feel like my anxiety and depression is all being triggered by my current life status. I haven’t felt this depressed in a while so I’m having so much trouble coping. Things have just been going downhill for the past few months, and now I’m probably going to have to drop out of college. People always say hang in there I’ll get better but nothing is getting better. Nothing. I’ve had suicidal thoughts before but now I actually have the means to go through with it and it scares me.",-0.6486,negative,sad 2773,depressed,Situational,listener_1,2,Wanna chat with me?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2773,depressed,Situational,speaker,3,I’m probably gonna cry 🤣,0.0258,neutral,sad 2773,depressed,Situational,listener_1,4,That's fine with me.,0.2023,positive,content 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,speaker,1,"Hey, I (23 F) started seeing this boy (24M) 2 months back. A little back story, I'm in another state for work and I'm supposed to be here for another 2months before I leave for my home state. I met him over a dating app and really like him, he'd told me that he has issues very early on in our relationship (?) If I may, and also that he ended his last relatio because both of them struggled with issues and couldn't co-exist in a relationship. I have an intense crush on him but lately he has been aloof, he told me he is having a bout of depression, i tried being there for him (remotely through texts,i don't know if I should call him because we've never really had a relationship where we speak on the phone, i haven't seen him in person in a week) and I did all my research and tried my best to make him feel at ease, but since the past 12+ hrs now he has been ignoring me, he is constantly online but won't respond to my texts and I'm worried but also confused because he is using his phone, just not to text me back. I really want to be there for him but I've never been in this situation w a romantic interest so i dont know if i should just let him be and give him his space or take a hint that he just isn't interested anymore? I don't know why he has to single me out as one person he isn't interested in responding to when he is having a slump.",-0.2612,negative,surprised 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_1,2,Helo so. He might be ignoreing you because he thinks he's not good enough. I do the same thing(Not with anyone tho),-0.3412,negative,agreeing 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,speaker,3,"How do I help that? Should I text him, because I've already left him 3 texts and he hasn't responded. I don't want to seem overbearing or clingy. Should I wait for him to respond? What of he is having the worst day and I don't text him at all and can't help him?",-0.6619,negative,apprehensive 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_1,4,"I can also see this ending in two ways. One you forcibly talk to him(you said you haven't seen him in a week) and confess your love and tell him that he is good enough for you, or two you can leave him be. which will hurt both you and him. also they issue being in the state for work.",0.5423,positive,neutral 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_1,5,"So when I ignore people theres two parts to it. One I want them to leave me alone, and two I want them to help me and talk to me. I dont personally know him so I coudent tell. does he know your leave the state?",-0.2177,negative,questioning 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,speaker,6,"Yah he does, since day 1. he's told me that he is prepared himself for it.(But I'm hoping that he would want to continue seeing me once i go back 🥺)",0.6124,positive,neutral 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_1,7,Long distance relationships are hard and tricky at first there wonderful because they give us something to look forward to and makes us feel nice. But we crave physical contact with them as time goes on. And he may be doing this my sacraficeing his happiness so you hate him and feel better about leaveing him(Id rather have someone hate me than suffer for because im not there),-0.6973,negative,neutral 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,speaker,8,That sounds scary...guess I should just let it be then..,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_1,9,Do what you want to do. trust yourself,0.5574,positive,faithful 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,speaker,10,"I hear you...and I know it takes a toll, my bestfriend is managing depression too and sometimes I can't help but feel helpless and alone myself because she is the one I would turn to in trying times and she's the one who's coping herself. But i can't let this guy be, i don't have it in me to abandon him and it is taking a toll on me; i haven't been able to work in two days, i just don't know what to do, we were supposed to meet this weekend but i haven't heard from him at all. I'm the sort of person that if i decide to leave i leave for good and i can not do that to him",-0.8773,negative,lonely 2774,depressed,I don't know if he's doing it because he's depressed or if he just doesn't want me around and it's affecting the way I could help or atleast be there for him,listener_2,11,"I'm sorry that you have to deal with all that. You say you can't leave this guy but trust me you can. Ofc. I don't know you but... I was in a toxic relation for a year on social media and I said the same thing. For my case I couldn't leave because I was worried that he was gonna kill himself, and probably for my own sake too since I was quite lonely back then. But if I had known what I know now I would had left sooner. I kept accepting this negativity people would bring in to my life. People with depression or suicide thoughts and I couldn't just leave them be. Cuz that's not humane. I know you love this guy but sometimes things just doesn't work out. Maybe it's just this once but if you see it as a pattern, just remember your own worth and mental health ! ♡ I'm sorry if I've misuderstood the situation wrong though.",-0.9689,negative,trusting 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,speaker,1,"When I was younger, I was bullied. I've had bones broken and I've been scarred for life. I've been locked in rooms. My father wasn't exactly abusive, it wasn't a regular occurrence, but he did hit me. When he did, he really beat me up. My grandparents are sexist fucks and are emotionally abusive and treat my brother much better than me. I've been sexually harassed by a worker in my old apartment. I had a boyfriend who didn't care about me, who fucked me up in the head by making me feel insecure and worthless. I came out to my parents as bisexual and they don't believe me. The thing is, I come from an economically good background. I have great friends. My parents are mostly supportive of the things I want to do, my mom's great. They've always worked so hard to give me opportunities in life. I'm now 16. I study in a prestigious boarding school. I left because I wanted to. Living without my family is better. I finally started recovering from depression, everything was going great. Now I'm spiraling back and I don't know why. I'm becoming suicidal again. Self-harm is getting worse. I don't know why. Why am I relapsing for no reason whatsoever?",-0.9171,negative,angry 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,listener_1,2,Hey there wanna chat? I'v kinda been going downhill since summer ended and back to the way I was last year.,0.0,neutral,sad 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,speaker,3,"Sure, sorry, I'm really not very active on this site",-0.1873,negative,sympathizing 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,speaker,4,I'd like that...,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,speaker,5,"I don't like talking to people I actually know, mostly because it affects them a lot more. Also, school councillors aren't really the best at keeping secrets...",-0.6892,negative,apprehensive 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,listener_2,6,"I agree with this comment so much. As much as your past shouldn't be a definer of your future, sometimes it's hard to get away from. I hope you can talk to someone again. Do you have anyone you can trust?",0.8074,positive,agreeing 2775,depressed,Why am I depressed?,listener_1,7,Can you pls dm me? Reddit is being weird >>,-0.1027,negative,annoyed 2776,depressed,I think I lost a friend. Again.,speaker,1,"I thought I was doing the right thing. Talking to her, trying to cheer her up when she was down. She did the same for me. Yet she was acting weird and I could tell she wasn’t doing well so I messaged her to check if she was okay and she didn’t reply. Saw her at school and she messaged me later to say she just didn’t want to talk to anyone apparently. Yet she was talking to my best friend. Then she lost her shit and basically told me I was annoying... something I was worried about. Now she apparently isn’t talking to anyone and is taking a break but I can see when she’s online... she just doesn’t talk to me. There goes one of my only 2 friends. Why don’t people like me? Like I try and be a good person and help people and I try to put on my best smile. I know its not a real smile but its the best I can do. Yet Im alone. There’s no fucking point anymore. No friends for years and I thought I was so lucky to get 2 friends. Then my friend said he’s leaving. And my other shuts me out. Sorry for ranting. Just felt like I can vent a bit here.",0.9925,positive,trusting 2776,depressed,I think I lost a friend. Again.,listener_1,2,"Try to make connections with other people. I know that it’s really difficult, but try. I lost my closest friends my senior year of high school, and I shut everyone out after that. I gave up on all friendships, and I have regrets about letting some people out of my life. Some people aren’t meant to stay in your life though, and if your “friend” is avoiding you, not talking to you, and saying you’re annoying. They aren’t someone you’d want to be friends with then right? Let them go for now, if they decide to become your friend again, then it can be your decision whether or not to invest your time. If they don’t come back, then that’s okay too, you have other people in your life that truly care about you and your feelings. I truly hope you think about what I responded back to you, I was once in your shoes basically. I really hope the best for you.",0.9876,positive,lonely 2776,depressed,I think I lost a friend. Again.,speaker,3,"Thank you, but unfortunately it isn’t that easy. Im finishing school in like 3 weeks and the people in my school have been friends for years because of the small class sizes so if you weren’t there for the start then you aren’t getting anywhere. At this point Im hoping I meet someone when me and my friend go out on the weekend but if that doesn’t happen Im still hoping for something to happen over the holidays.",0.9776,positive,disappointed 2776,depressed,I think I lost a friend. Again.,speaker,4,Thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,1,I know I should ignore it but I feel so sad. My own family laughs at me and I can't help but feel so angry. I wanna scream at them and make them stop but they'll just laugh even more. What can I do to get rid of this feeling and to not make a fool of myself?,-0.8438,negative,disappointed 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_1,2,"One thing I've learned in life is no one can make fun of you if you laugh at yourself, and even if they continue to laugh they will eventually get bored at laughing at you because it'll be boring cause they cant get the reaction they want from you (anger). So instead of getting angry laugh with them and then make laugh at them. It's what I did through high school.",0.8625,positive,angry 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,3,I just don't know how to not care. I care about every little thing and it's so hard for me to see the bigger picture.,-0.7288,negative,sad 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,4,True.,0.4215,positive,agreeing 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,5,I'd rather be independent.,0.0,neutral,lonely 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,6,Work hard and ignore the negativity. Do your best to prove them wrong.,-0.6249,negative,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,7,I'll try!,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,8,"Ironic for me to say this, but stay positive",0.6858,positive,sad 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,9,Why is it ironic?,-0.128,negative,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,10,Cuz i dont take my own advice and a currently drowning jn depression,-0.5719,negative,ashamed 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,11,"Omg same! I don't know why I sounded so excited then 😅😅. If you don't mind me asking, why are you depressed?",0.6566,positive,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,12,Family bullshit. Personal issues. Because depression isnt a choice. Idk. Alot of things. Idk which one it is rn,-0.8227,negative,sad 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,13,I'm so sorry. But do you really think that depression isn't a choice?,-0.7745,negative,sympathizing 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,14,"Yeah. It isnt. I dont wanna be depressed. But i just cant find anything that makes me happy. Everything i used to do that made me happy is dull. Only my girlfriend makes everything okay, but i only see her during school. So wekends are horrible.",0.7356,positive,lonely 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,15,Are you thinking of going to a uni that's far away?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,16,Im 15. I shouldnt be like this. But yeah. Thinming of moving to cali or oregon to go to Universal Technical Institute while she takes photogoraphy.,0.306,positive,jealous 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,17,Oh wow. Can't you graduate early or something?,0.5859,positive,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,18,Not with my grades,0.0,neutral,disappointed 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,19,Do you know what you wanna do when you're older?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,20,Automech,0.0,neutral,proud 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,21,Anything else?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,22,"Music, or computer stuff",0.0,neutral,jealous 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,23,Oh okay.,0.2263,positive,acknowledging 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,listener_2,24,Ye,0.0,neutral,impressed 2777,depressed,I hate it when people laugh at me,speaker,25,Good luck with everything!,0.7345,positive,wishing 2778,depressed,I have considered all my options and I no longer know what to do.,speaker,1,"It’s been almost 6 months and I haven’t been depressed or sad for that entire time. 6 months earlier a lot of bad things went down for 2 years. Sophomore year- end of junior year. During this time I did stuff I regret, fell in love with a girl a grade lower than me that eventually became a meth addict and used me for money(I make a lot of money from my job for my age.) I saw things that I want to throw up about, did things because she told me she loved me, and met the dealer (a 36 year old guy) and I’m not about to get into that situation but he is in jail for child molestation. During this time and earlier I had family members who died and was susceptible to being used, especially since I have always been a generous guy who does not like money. I had a bad time, did stuff, until I met another girl who was straight a psociopath and used me to get to my friends, my money for the stuff her parents having less money for having 3 kids. She would use my connection wether it was drugs, alcohol, etc. Good thing for her though is I would always buy those designer clothes and or anything she wanted. Bad stuff happened when I picked up another job, started working 40+ hours a week and her ignoring me when she was dating someone ik. Ps: she would after her break ups always come back and use me more, kinda like a relationship after her breakups. Soon after, because she was being flirtatious she began to start arguments with me. She used this to her advantage to try and get my Best Friend to go out with her. I didn’t eat all of January and half through February and lost 25 pounds (weighed 170 before not eating.) stuff happened, she didn’t get a shot at my best friend and used others after that. I started stuff I’m still not proud enough to state. Finally one day it was like a switch in my head and all my rage and sadness stopped. I made new friends. Had fun. But now, it’s like the switch came back up, I can feel the dagger stabbing me in my gut. I’m just not sure what to do. These are just two of the occurrences that have happened. During these time I’ve almost died for multiple reasons, guns pulled on me, stolen from, got in fights, and ultimately felt completely shitty. Any advice would be appreciated.",-0.6498,negative,guilty 2778,depressed,I have considered all my options and I no longer know what to do.,listener_1,2,"Hey man I am sorry you had to go through all of that, it sounds terrible. I have very bad anxiety and it really messes with my life and makes me regret the things I do and makes me regret the things that I don’t do. I am very insecure and reading this really helped me in a way. I am sorry that I don’t have any solid advice but I just want to say that I appreciate that fact that you’re sharing. Hang in there dude. I believe you wil get past this. All of the best.",0.752,positive,sympathizing 2778,depressed,I have considered all my options and I no longer know what to do.,speaker,3,All the best as well dude,0.743,positive,wishing 2779,depressed,I just don't feel like going on,speaker,1,"I know what's wrong with me. I've been going to therapy for four years, taking medication, and trying to live my life. But I can't stop getting depressed. I can't find enjoyment in doing things with my partner anymore. I don't want to keep fighting. Plus I have been thinking of breaking up with them. Our time together is just fizzling out. Or maybe it's depression making it so I'm bored of things I used to be interested in. But idk. I'm just tired all the time",-0.9281,negative,sad 2779,depressed,I just don't feel like going on,listener_1,2,"Showers help trust me, stick your head under the faucet the body will pump you full of adrenaline after a bit thinking your drowning. This helps me atleast. Relatively safe as well just don’t breathe.",0.9186,positive,afraid 2779,depressed,I just don't feel like going on,listener_2,3,Cold shower helps. That ”just don’t breathe” part sounds sick af you fucking sicko 😂🤣 just kidding,0.7003,positive,annoyed 2779,depressed,I just don't feel like going on,listener_1,4,Anything that raises your adrenaline tbh,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2779,depressed,I just don't feel like going on,listener_2,5,True dat :),0.7003,positive,agreeing 2780,depressed,Let’s say one song what relaxes your mind a little bit. I’ll be the first one :),speaker,1,Cam’ron - Soap Opera,0.0,neutral,impressed 2780,depressed,Let’s say one song what relaxes your mind a little bit. I’ll be the first one :),listener_1,2,Stacey Parnum - A Flute Haiku,0.0,neutral,impressed 2780,depressed,Let’s say one song what relaxes your mind a little bit. I’ll be the first one :),speaker,3,Haha well sometimes the darkest songs help too lol,0.7506,positive,agreeing 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,speaker,1,"Aside from being depressed, I have horrible anger management and have meltdowns from time to time. In my meltdowns, I will destroy items around me or even find ways to hurt myself. I just came back to my senses from a meltdown and I am just worn out. I know that I have minor anger issues since young but it kind of grew more intense as I grew up.",-0.8823,negative,sad 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,listener_1,2,I don't take my anger out on others however I do hurt myself.,-0.1032,negative,guilty 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,speaker,3,same here,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,listener_1,4,Exactly ♥️ it's not their fault we feel this way so they still deserve respect.,0.8611,positive,agreeing 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,speaker,5,"yeah i can be crazy strong whenever these anger meltdowns, as i call them, happens. i broke something that was fastened to the wall with extra strong tape, i managed to almost break one column of my hollow metal window grill, broke the sliding door mechanics of my cupboard, broke plates, broke stationary, broke my standing fan, and more.",-0.8402,negative,guilty 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,speaker,6,"same thoughts. i really tried to focus on my breathing and calm myself down but because it's become a habit for me to destroy things/hurt myself when im angry, the urge to just start flipping everything upside down just overcomes me and bam, everything in the room is in a mess, my hands are swollen from hitting the desk to hard and what not. and people keep telling to just calm down but i just can't, and they don't understand my thoughts.",-0.8873,negative,ashamed 2781,depressed,Anyone here also has bad anger management?,speaker,7,"I've always tried to breathe to calm down but for me the anger just overwhelms me, same goes with the urge to just be violent. It's so out of my control",-0.9178,negative,terrified 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,speaker,1,"Hi All. I am a 24-year-old single male from the southeastern United States. I have a music degree, work in post audio for television currently. I have been struggling with confidence and depression symptoms for a while now. I have considered therapy off and on, but keep telling myself I cannot afford it. I made a list of my depressive thoughts I struggle with and am wondering if any of you have advice you can give me.....if you can spare a moment. I would greatly appreciate any help you all can give me. &#x200B; * I fear that I will never be satisfied with where I am in my life * With what little I know about human history and psychology, it seems that we are wired to always want more and will never be satisfied (hedonic setpoint). The grass will always be greener on the other side of the fence. We didn’t evolve to be happy. We evolved to survive. * Ex. I find myself longing for romantic companionship often. However, I am confident that once I am in a relationship, I will only wish to be alone and have my free time back. * I will always feel like a burden for simply existing. * I consume valuable resources, contribute to humanity's carbon footprint, frequently seek advice and bother older humans by asking for career advice, and further pollute the world with my desire to share my ideas and my art. I just always feel in the way. * Something like my downstairs neighbors banging on their ceiling when I’m speaking a little too loudly late at night can send me off on a spiral with this thought. * The world and other humans do not give a shit about me. * Nobody thinks about me other than my immediate family, and they won’t be around forever. * I am not special and was not brought here for any purpose. I’m just like all the rest of these assholes, living day-to-day trying to make sense of anything that’s going on, and working to survive. * I can’t shake my childish belief that I am somehow special and can change something about this world because I had/have some kind of musical talent, and am semi-self aware. * I am nothing but a product/labor unit to other humans. * One of the first questions anyone meeting me asks is “What do you do?” They will judge my value as a person based on my response, especially potential romantic partners. * People often quantify one's success and value to the world by their income and job title. I feel alienated from myself, and other people in this commercial hellscape that we live in * Nothing reminds me more of what is valued of humans in a capitalist economy than a job interview. * I am not the ideal tall, handsome, wealthy man that women I am attracted to fantasize about, and my unrealistic expectations and desires regarding romance and sex will never be satisfied. * These are borderline incel thoughts, and I am ashamed of myself for this. I feel like women are disgusted by me and that my sexual desires are immoral. The fact that I think this makes me even more ashamed of myself because of this blatant lack of confidence and self-pity itself is also extremely unattractive. * I often try to convince myself and others that I have no interest in women and romance so I can evade these thoughts, but I’ve recently realized this is some weird “reject them before they reject you” game I’ve just been playing in my head. * Life itself is unending suffering, and ultimately futile * For most things that have ever existed, life has just sucked. From the billions of animals that have constantly avoided being eaten and fighting animals to defend their young, to the rural peasants of Asian and European monarchies, victims of eugenics and genocide, and today with everyone in the west feeling lonely, alienated, and unhappy despite our lives being more engineered for our needs than ever before. Life just seems to be suffering no matter what, and all life continues to do is just keep reproducing over and over again to continue the cycle of suffering. It is all just meaningless and absurd, and it is hard for me to find the motivation to keep going with this realization.",-0.7155,negative,suggesting 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,listener_1,2,"I sadly have no advice, but I can relate. This was extremely well written, and detailed. I feel like I have these thoughts almost, if not, every day. These thoughts only contribute to me feeling like a horrible person though, so I’ll avoid thinking by distracting myself. Then I feel horrible for distracting myself, because it feels like I wasted time. It’s a never ending cycle. Maybe that’s just life, but reading your post did make me feel a bit less alone.",-0.9272,negative,agreeing 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,speaker,3,"I definitely think that all of my “place in society” anxieties are a bit melodramatic. And quite honestly loneliness could simply be the cause of a lot of my issues. I work second shift and barely see my roommate at my apt. And don’t really talk to anyone when I’m at work, then on weekends I usually just work on other music projects in isolation. I think I should maybe get some kind of social hobby or something. I really appreciate the input man.",0.3834,positive,lonely 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,listener_2,4,"I'm a lady but you're very welcome. Humans are social creatures and if we isolate we tend to overanalyze things and spiral downward. Getting out more would be great for you. And you know, you don't have to jump out of the frying pan and into the fire with romance. You could simply ask someone nice out for coffee and see eachother platonically for a while. As you increase the amount of time you spend together, you will be able to gauge if you like being alone better. If so, no harm no foul. Good luck :)",0.9885,positive,suggesting 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,speaker,5,Also I apologize sincerely. I kind of just say “man” to everybody. Even in person lol. Thank you again.,0.8316,positive,sympathizing 2782,depressed,Anyone relate or have advice for any of this?,listener_2,6,No need to apologise. Really. Just clarifying lol.,0.5367,positive,sympathizing 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,speaker,1,"I feel sad that all the memories I have (even going back to my early childhood) are of me wondering what normal families and people are like and if I could ever have that. I have always felt ugly, incomplete and alone, and in my search for a cure I ended up abused, hurt, and married to a horrible man who I then had a child with and who emotionally tore me down to pieces in the four years I spent with him. When other people were getting degrees, I was skipping classes to be an exotic dancer and using that to basically make myself someone no one could love, and also to get over the trauma of a sexual assault. I couldnt sleep alone at nights and this was my way of avoiding being alone. Now I am working on getting a degree, fighting my ex as he tries to hurt me by taking my child and I wonder if I am just made to be hurt and to never have any happiness. I hate waking up every day and motivating myself to live so my child can have a good life. This is all I have and once she is all grown that's it, life will have no meaning again. Why does this happen to some people? I had never wanted a lot in life and the little I did I can never have. My ex ruined everything I ever hoped to have. My first wedding was a day when I cried the whole day. My pregnancy was filled with tears. I had a guy but he could not care less. I would rub my own feet and act as if I wasn't even holding an entire baby inside me, because I didn't even have the love other people receive. My first proposal was done with the bare minimum...my entire life has been a bare minimum. I'm so tired.",-0.968,negative,sad 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,listener_1,2,"I'm really sorry for how you feel,but remember life ain't fair as they pretend it to be. You are a brave soul trying to get your life back together, trying to get a degree and also leaving the toxic person in your life. It's a start, you are actually valuing yourself now and that is the most important thing. Be in peace with yourself and realise that whatever happened cannot be changed. Its easier said than done and i understand it, but there is absolutely no reason to not to try for a better future. There is a beautiful line by a poet Gulzar in India, he said ""why to worry about any new endeavours, even if nothing happens as per your expectation, there is always experience gained from everything (kyun fikr kijiye ki kya hoga, kuch nhi bhi hoga toh tazurba hoga)"". Keep up the good work and fight for everything you hold dear.",0.943,positive,sympathizing 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,speaker,3,That is beautiful. Thank you. It helps to read this.,0.8402,positive,acknowledging 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,speaker,4,Thank you for giving me the time of your day and reading this. I hope you have a wonderful day!,0.8955,positive,wishing 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,speaker,5,Thank you. I really am trying now. I just wish I could have had some happiness along the way.,0.8316,positive,grateful 2783,depressed,Can anyone spare some time to read about my regrets?,listener_2,6,Wish you all the luck and happiness,0.8519,positive,wishing 2784,depressed,Emotional roller coaster,speaker,1,Yesterday was my birthday I always find myself going deeper into a depressive state around that time. I just hate feeling like I can't celebrate the way I want because I'm so tight on cash and I don't want my family to feel bad or obligated because I know that have other responsibilities. The first half of the day was super shitty with me laying on the couch texting my boyfriend that lives in another state and isn't even allowed to visit me because of his parents being overprotective. He's 18 btw and I just turned 19. I cried a lot but I was better once I got to just spend time with my family and mom ordered Mexican food. Today I went to church was there all day because they had a second service and I was riding with my aunt. Some time after church my boyfriend informed me that he'd be going to a concert with his bestfriend who's a girl I that I don't even know about and I didn't ask. The concert is in my state just an 2 hours away if that. But his friend is driving some ways to pick him up take him to the concert and back and he doesn't want to make her a third wheel. The concert happens to be someone I really wanted and I had recently expressed to him that I wanted to go. But of course I have no friends and I'd probably have an anxiety attack if I went alone. So yeah now I'm beyond sad. Trying to be understanding because he hasn't been able to do much as a kid and now that he's an adult still living with his parents he still doesn't get too much freedom. So yeah just wanted to vent maybe get some encouragement of anyone actually reads this lol. Sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes.,0.7506,positive,sad 2784,depressed,Emotional roller coaster,speaker,2,Should also mention that I've expressed my sadness and now he feels horrible and I feel like a bad gf for making him feel bad. I should really learn to just suck it up,-0.93,negative,ashamed 2784,depressed,Emotional roller coaster,speaker,3,Thank you I really appreciate that,0.6697,positive,sympathizing 2784,depressed,Emotional roller coaster,listener_1,4,"You’re welcome. I wish I had something constructive to say, but I’m super tired so my brain isn’t going full speed right now. Just wanted to let you know that people are listening and care.",0.8641,positive,content 2784,depressed,Emotional roller coaster,speaker,5,That's more than enough,0.0,neutral,prepared 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,speaker,1,"I’ve been having suicidal thoughts for 3 months straight already. I just can’t stop, the only thing that pushes me not to do it is my younger sister. Because I can’t imagine how she would fell. I just can’t enjoy normal things, I can’t make friends, can’t get out of bed, no motivation for university, family and even my boyfriend. I don’t know what the fork is holding me back to everything, my therapist says I’m fine I don’t feel like it. I’m anxious all days about things that I don’t even know and that makes me really uncomfortable because I don’t have anything to feel anxious about??? What can I do ?",-0.6235,negative,terrified 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,listener_1,2,"Wanna chat?ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ Sometimes venting to a stranger who listens and can give ""human"" advice can help out a little, if not they have a wonderful day/night.",0.7506,positive,joyful 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,speaker,3,"Yes, that would be great :D Thanks",0.9291,positive,acknowledging 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,speaker,4,I don’t tell everything to my therapist maybe I am failing at that point... you are right,-0.5106,negative,apprehensive 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,listener_2,5,"In my early 20s I totally lied to my therapist, I realize in retrospect. I wasn't even telling her the shit I was telling my journal. What a waste of everyone's time! But I was young and figuring it out. I didn't really know what intimacy was then. I've grown up a lot.",-0.1627,negative,guilty 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,speaker,6,My therapist makes me feel comfortable but I can’t express everything to her the way it is I’m my mind. Because I stay embarrassed or afraid that she won’t take it serious,-0.3716,negative,trusting 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,listener_2,7,"well don't be afraid then. tell yourself that you are going to tel her intimate things about you that you haven't told her previously and this first time it's a test. It's a test to see if she is the right therapist for you. If she responds poorly, probably give her a second chance at least, but if she isn't catching up you begin shopping for a new one, simple as that.",0.2617,positive,apprehensive 2785,depressed,Has anyone been through this weird feeling and you know that isn’t depression but like sooo what is this?,speaker,8,"Thank you, it helped a lot.",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2786,depressed,I hate my life,speaker,1,"I just wish I can talk to someone, just pour out my heart without being judge. Am hating life more.",0.5574,positive,lonely 2786,depressed,I hate my life,listener_1,2,Elo there and salutations( ╹▽╹ )/ care to partake in a conversation? If not cheerio.,0.3208,positive,wishing 2786,depressed,I hate my life,speaker,3,I care,0.4939,positive,caring 2786,depressed,I hate my life,listener_1,4,wanna chat?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2786,depressed,I hate my life,speaker,5,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2786,depressed,I hate my life,speaker,6,"Am scare and don't want to be like that. I see people happy and I ask, why cant I?",0.4172,positive,jealous 2786,depressed,I hate my life,speaker,7,Is possible I believe. I don't want to loose hope,0.5632,positive,hopeful 2787,depressed,Nothing works,speaker,1,"Maam not lazy, I have ideas. Have been struggling almost all my life as I can remeber. I do all I can to stay legit and not hurt anyone in the name of making a living, but it's just getting bad to worst. I work a job and 3yrs no promotion no salary increase no hope, just waiting for sack letter. I don't want to kill myself and hurt my family and friends. I have no urge to make myself happy. Life is just so unfair. Am a Christian, I pray Nd all, but am. Just at a dead end. Can't turn fornt or back nothing. I hate this feeling, having headaches cus I think a lot, smoke. A lot just to numb this feeling",-0.951,negative,faithful 2787,depressed,Nothing works,listener_1,2,Heyyyy. This is the second time iv seen your username.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2787,depressed,Nothing works,speaker,3,Am losing it,-0.3818,negative,sad 2788,depressed,I don’t know if I am in love or not,speaker,1,"Hi everyone. So there is a girl in my private classes, that I think I like. She is cool, modern, cute and I would like to be with her. I told her I like her but she didn’t like me back which makes me feel sad. And sometimes I feel like I don’t like her , though I am sad most of the time. I’m gonna mert her this Thursday and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to love and I don’t know if I actually love anybody or not. If you guys any ideas , please share them.",0.9769,positive,sad 2788,depressed,I don’t know if I am in love or not,listener_1,2,What do you mean your going to meet her this week?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2788,depressed,I don’t know if I am in love or not,speaker,3,Im gonna see her that means we can talk,0.0,neutral,anticipating 2788,depressed,I don’t know if I am in love or not,listener_1,4,"Okie, but if she says she doesn't like you remember not to be a creep (─.─)",-0.395,negative,neutral 2789,depressed,I have no motivation,speaker,1,"(Sorry I just need to let some crap out) I have no motivation to do anything all I feel like doing is sitting in bed sleeping, I don’t wanna eat bc I feel really fat even though I’m nearly underweight, I can’t leave my room or else my whole family looks at me badly and I have 0 motivation to do anything like go to school or have a shower brush my teeth I have to use all my energy to get myself up and to go brush my teeth and have a shower just so I can get to school which school seems pointless bc I can’t pass anything...",0.068,positive,ashamed 2789,depressed,I have no motivation,listener_1,2,Sounds to me like you don't do anything in bed... Wanna chat? ('ω'),0.3612,positive,questioning 2789,depressed,I have no motivation,speaker,3,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 2789,depressed,I have no motivation,listener_2,4,You're courageous and I hope you are successful in getting out of the bad situation.,0.765,positive,encouraging 2790,depressed,Why am I like this?,speaker,1,"I work in a job where I often spend 6-8 hours just standing in back doing the same task the entire time. This unfortunately means I have alot of time to think. No matter what I start the day thinking about I usually end up in the topic of death, specifically mine. When I first started the job about 3 months ago I was in alot worse shape, having just gone through some life altering events. I had been kicked out by my Nars parents after 18 years of emotional, mental and sometimes physical abuse. I wanted to leave as soon as I turned 18 but didn't have any money, so was trying to save and they kicked me out a couple weeks later. My amazing brother took me in and got me a job with some people he knows. Anyways directly after all of this I spent Pretty much every day fantasizing about different ways to kill myself. I now owe my brother some money and my death would screw him over. So I got by, by thinking something similar to ""once you pay him back, you can go ahead"" and started self harming again. Drinking and using rec drugs in my off time has also helped me cope. After spending so much time with him, I realized that if I committed suicide I would cause him genuine pain. Now I fantasize, hoping something bad will happen and result in my death. I think about all the different ways. A robber could come into the shop and kill me, I could be walking home in the dark and get hit by a car. But several times a day I think about how easy it would be to jump in front of a car or train on my morning commute, how easily I could get lost in the woods by out house, how I could make it look like an accident. But for the most part I'm not constantly thinking of ways to do it myself. I'm not sure if this counts as an improvement. One of my work friends that I talk to ( for the most part not about this stuff) told me that she thinks I may have manic depression and somewhat severe anxiety. I agree with her assessment and think I may also have ADHD, and possibly some form of PTSD bc of my upbringing. Im starting to feel like a crazy person. Why are there (potentially) so many things wrong with me. I can't talk to a doctor or therapist about my suspicions bc I have no medical insurance and absolutely cannot afford to. Sorry for making you read such a long post, and if you took the time to read all of that, thanks. ( Probably will cross post somewhere)",-0.9931,negative,sad 2790,depressed,Why am I like this?,listener_1,2,"X-post in r/depression, they are a lot more active there, but sometimes too active, and posts can be missed. I wish I had the answers, but I haven't even figured out these answers for myself. Anytime I'm sober for any period of time, or ""drying out"" from booze, my mind always strays to suicide and death. I consider it an improvement not constantly thinking of ways to do it myself. Especially if you are coming from the constant thought of doing it yourself. If you put enough thought into anything, you will eventually achieve it, regardless of how rational/irrational the thought is. &#x200B; Whatever keeps you from doing it, is what I think is important. Even if it's in some way more detrimental in the long run..Whatever keeps you from doing it that day, that's what matters. Because every day is just another day of life, and whatever you need to do to get through that day, that's what matters. At least I think so..I don't actively do anything to improve my life or come out from the misery I live day to day. But I just do what I can to make it to the next day, and hope for the best. It's not easy, because it takes a lot of substances and money management to achieve this, and what I need to make it through the day..But if I can live to see another day, I know there's a chance. I may not, if it's the right time, I have the resources, and the mindset to do it, I may not see the next day. But I'm still trying, I don't have the needed resources, and that's enough to keep going for now. &#x200B; You're not a crazy person. The world is crazy, the universe is just one big crazy mess of unpredictable happenings one right after the other. You still have some semblance of rational thought keeping you alive, and that's what matters. You can often find LCSWs that are willing to take patients at a discount, due to not having full credentials. my best therapist in my entire life was an LCSW, with an unfinished degree. I hope the best for you and that you do whatever you feel you need most to come out of this. It's a really shitty fighting that feeling of death and how to go about it, I don't wish it upon anyone. I hope you can find someone to talk with that will be meaningful.",0.8404,positive,apprehensive 2790,depressed,Why am I like this?,speaker,3,"Thanks, I'll cross post it now. Thanks for all the advice and kind words, I feel a little less alone. I wish you luck on your journey as well, I guess we're all just trying to figure out the same stuff lol.",0.9525,positive,wishing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,speaker,1,"I’ve turned to Reddit for advice because nothing else seems to be helping me. I’m a uni student 2 year into my second course, I did uni before this but didn’t like the uni I went too and decided to leave my home country in hopes of something better, didn’t find it, I’ve gone to countless psychologist and psychiatrist tried many different methods to combat the depression from meds to drugs, tried working out and taking care of myself but I can’t seem to stick to it for more than a few days, I’ve just lost all hope at this point, tried taking my life twice in the past month by overdosing on prescription meds didn’t seem to work guess I probably should have taken more judging by my size. I have great friends a loving family and everything I could ever need to be able to thrive in this world but I just can’t get out of this mindset. This issue seems to have manifested fully once my ex broke up with me, I think it had to do with my depression but I’m over it, because of her I also developed this constant anxiety that something will go wrong no matter what I try to do. I’ve lost all self worth and confidence after the breakup although I don’t want to make it seem that it was my ex fault, I could see the signs of this long before and didn’t do anything to help myself. I always feel lost and need someone there because I can’t be there for myself and because of this I have developed this dependency with one of my close friends, I feel comfort around her and only want to interact and play games with her as I feel like she’s the only one that understands what I’m going through, she’s like my older sister that I look up to, but I feel horrible for always talking to her about my depression and suicide it takes a lot to be able to listen to that everyday and still be there for me. I really want to get out of this hole I dug I wanna be able to be independent, i started working out and eating healthy food and trying to not get anxious out of every little thing but it needs a lot of work and persistence which is something I’ve struggled with my entire life, So I’m looking for advice, there’s still a lot more I have to say but I feel like this is enough, thanks for taking the time to read.",0.9703,positive,apprehensive 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,2,"When you say 'her' do you mean your ex? Also, I am about to try CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), have you tried this? If has a very high success rate. But, as with anything, you have to want it, I mean really want to help yourself. Do you?",0.8524,positive,questioning 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,speaker,3,"I mean my friend not my ex, and yeah I’ve heard of CBT the friend that’s always there for me tells me to try it, I’m going tomorrow to a new psychiatrist to see what he recommends, I’ll mention CBT to him and see what he says. And yeah I really really want to help myself I’ve been here enough I wanna get out",0.9386,positive,apprehensive 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,4,"I've had plenty of well known psychiatrists, and nothing but bad luck. I wouldn't suggest Googling it and reading up on CBT regardless of what your psychiatrist says. They are simply there to write scripts for meds. Unfortunately, they do very little otherwise. All the information they generally know about drugs is found by experimenting on their patients (us), or directly from the manufacturer of the drugs.",-0.2488,negative,trusting 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,speaker,5,"Will do thanks for the advice, I haven’t heard of olazapine but I’ve tried fluoxetine and it seemed to cause me more panic attacks :(",-0.9253,negative,neutral 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,6,"What meds will work for you is individual. u/Nyetscheisse this message is for you as well. Never come in with a suggestion of what worked for someone else of what to try for you. That's not how it works. You can suggest a medication you haven't tried yet, but never based on the results of another person. Your psych will experiment with different meds, at different doses, and in different combinations to find what works best for you.",0.81,positive,agreeing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,7,"This is inaccurate. Most psychs will suggest CBT. It's a pretty basic form of therapy. And any psych who writes a prescription will want you to have therapy in combination with medication. It's the most proven effective way to help. Also, your idea of how doctors learn how medications work is a little off as well.",0.8864,positive,angry 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,8,"Haha, well clearly we have had very different experiences. Those are MY experiences, so they certainly aren't 'innacurate'. Please, enlighten me, how do doctors learn of their medications they give out to their patients?",0.7017,positive,questioning 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_3,9,"Aight, sorry, my bad, im deleting my comment because it was out of place! Thanks!",-0.3578,negative,sympathizing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,10,"Anecdotes are not facts so it is still inaccurate. And I have no idea what you are talking about ""well known psychiatrists"" unless you are going to Dr. Normal Rosenthal or Tobias Funke. Also, given what you claim to have happened, you clearly aren't going to very good doctors. CBT is a a pretty basic form of therapy, as I said. Psychs want their meds to most. All studies show meds are most effective when used in conjunction with therapy, since anti-depressants are not happy pills. In fact, many psychs will require therapy along with prescription medication. Each medication has a different effectiveness and reaction on an individual patients. There is no other way to prescribe antidepressants other than trial and error to figure out which med, at what dose, and in what possible combination with other meds will work best for each patient with the least amount of side effects. And how you learn how a drug works, for any medication that exists, is always from the manufacturer of the drug. So it's just an odd thing to throw in there. It's like accusing your Toyota dealer of only knowing all the specs on the car because of the information given by the manufacturer.",0.8586,positive,trusting 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,11,"Geez, why are you such an ass? What happened are the facts, it's not an 'anecdote' unless you think it was an amusing story to you, but regardless, still true. The term well known can be different things to different peoople. In the areas I saw them, they had many reviews, patients, and we're well known. I:m not even going to indulge in reading and responding because you clearly are a grumpy sob. I suggest changing your attitude or no one will want to speak with you.",0.8047,positive,annoyed 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,12,"I'm glad you figured out how to Google the word anecdote, but look at the additional definitions. Singular stories of your own experiences are anecdotes, not facts for how an entire profession works. Just because you don't know a word doesn't negate its meaning. But the point is, what you said was inaccurate. And you attributed your own opinions and anecdotes to factual information of all psychs. I can't have you spreading false information on a subreddit meant to help people. So either consider what I am saying or leave.",0.6428,positive,angry 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,13,"Just some helpful advice - if I respond on a subreddit, don't reply to me. You cause issues, probably for many. Goodbye!",0.4753,positive,wishing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_1,14,"My point is, it's NOT innacrute, because it occured. I wasn't saying that the entire profession works this way, but merely suggesting these have been the vast majority of my experiences. I'd really think it would help everyone if you took that stick outta your ass, your attitude is disgusting. Just because something doesn't encapsulate your experiences does not mean it couldn't or hasn't happened. I already gave my helpful advice, if you don't appreciate it, or don't have anything to say, simply dont respond. Didn't you ever learn that in elementary or preschool? Guess not. I think you are in need of some assistance yourself, my friend.",-0.1747,negative,agreeing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,15,"Am I talking with a 12 year old? First you DID say the entire profession works this way. It's *literally* exactly how you phrased it. Which is why, second, you were inaccurate. Your *single* experience is an anecdote, not sage advice on an entire profession. Take your own advice and stop responding as I already told you to. Your advice is not ""helpful"" if it is inaccurate and could keep someone from getting the treatment they need to live. My concern is for the people who need help, not having this inane back and forth with you because you don't grasp basic definitions of words. If you reply again, I will ban you for harassment since if you pull this crap with me, I'm sure you'll do it with others. Learn when someone tells you that you are wrong *and* explains why, and get over it. Your thin skin, your whininess, and your lack of education are all showing so move on. I told you already if you don't like it then leave. Attempts at mocking only reveal desparation. Move on or leave. Or leave forcibly.",-0.9609,negative,angry 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,16,"Just some helpful advice, if I respond to you it's because you are wrong and saying things that may keep people from seeking the treatment they need to save their life. Simply writing a comment doesn't get you a free pass on fact checking. You don't need to reply to me. You cause issues, probably for many. Goodbye!",0.7574,positive,wishing 2791,depressed,Haven’t felt anything except depression and anxiety for 4 years straight.,listener_2,17,"I'm perfectly fine with you saying which medications you are on, just don't tell others they should try those too. Your comment was helpful because it showed both how effective medications can be and the idea that sometimes you need a combination of meds to work.",0.8979,positive,neutral 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,speaker,1,"I’m having trouble connecting with people. My family annoys me, my boyfriend annoys me, my friends annoy me. I want to go to a space where no one can annoy me for a few days and just reset, but I can’t since I have work and during the weekends I see my boyfriend as he lives far so we see each other once a week. I used to talk to and joke with people at work now I want to be alone, they are usually more drama and trouble than they’re worth, plus I’m in a supervisor role and have to act a certain way anyway. I’m 29/F btw. Does anyone have any advice?",-0.6304,negative,lonely 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,listener_1,2,"Are they any annoying experience with strangers? Or When you approach someone, what your mind would think?? Anger? Or inferior? Anything like that. I appreciate for posting here",-0.7059,negative,questioning 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,speaker,3,"Yes, I find strangers annoying too, but am mostly nice to them such as I’ll hold the door for them etc. and I think I feel like they’re inferior because most people suck and I hate them. Lol.",-0.4969,negative,annoyed 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,listener_1,4,Haha. No worries. Your approach could be change.!! Lemme me know if you wish to,0.8232,positive,suggesting 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,listener_2,5,I have no idea what you are promoting but stop.,-0.3919,negative,neutral 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,listener_1,6,"Sorry I am promoting nothing, if any one needs any help by text I would do that. That's all. Have a nice time ahead. Bye bye",0.7717,positive,sympathizing 2792,depressed,Do you ever find everyone in your life irritating ?,speaker,7,Damn. Sorry dude,-0.4588,negative,sympathizing 2793,depressed,I fucking hate this world,speaker,1,"Why do we get judged for our appeareance nowadays? Whats the actual point of doing so? I guess thats the World we are living on... You dont need to call me ugly, I fucking know I am ugly, You dont need to remind me of fucking big nose! I also have a big heart alright? , ill do anything to please You , see You smile but im ugly so it doesnt matter right? Im trying to Learn about myself... Fucking hate this stupid World as much i hate myself",-0.9787,negative,angry 2793,depressed,I fucking hate this world,listener_1,2, The way your body is arranged is unique. Good looks do make certain things a easier yes but at the end of the day a beautiful person can be terribly ugly on the inside. Keep your chin up. The sooner you stop worrying about what others think of you the sooner you will find happiness. I used to care so much about what others thought of me and it did nothing but kill me on the inside. No life is more important than your own. Peace Fellow Human <3,0.9455,positive,grateful 2793,depressed,I fucking hate this world,listener_2,3,"The world is beautiful, it’s the disease that is humanity that’s rotten.",0.1531,positive,disgusted 2793,depressed,I fucking hate this world,listener_3,4,"Touche, agree with you.",0.3612,positive,agreeing 2794,depressed,Feeling down.,speaker,1,What helps with depression besides medication and such? I've been feeling so uninspired to live....and just stuck in life....I want to be happy again.,0.34,positive,questioning 2794,depressed,Feeling down.,listener_1,2,Hmm I dont believe in meds. I believe haveing a conversation with another human being for free who cares allivates it. Wanna chat? (•ω•) I don't know if I can help but I wanna at least try being there for you and maybe even friends ^^,0.8462,positive,suggesting 2794,depressed,Feeling down.,listener_2,3,"I absolutely do not care if you do not want to take medication but do not spout your shit here. Depression is a disease. Having conversations with people who care doesn't ""alleviate"" it. That's just being sad. You have no idea what you are talking about and I suggest no one contact this person as they cannot help with something they claim to understand but don't.",-0.89,negative,angry 2794,depressed,Feeling down.,speaker,4,"Yeah sure....I'm hoping this sadness will pass. It usually comes in waves. I just feel so stuck in life and feel as if there is something more I should be doing with my life but I can't reach that, and I don't know where to start. I feel like a failure tbh.",-0.4227,negative,hopeful 2795,depressed,Someone actually wants me,speaker,1,One of my best friends and I have flirted and lightly hooked up randomly like 3 times in the last 6 months. She wants to be in a real relationship but I just feel like I’m so depressed it’s not even fair to do that to her. How can I be in a functional relationship when I can’t get out of bed for days? Sometimes I think it could help me get out of it but I just have been through it so many times I know I’ll end up being severely depressed again. I guess I’m asking for advice?,-0.7221,negative,jealous 2795,depressed,Someone actually wants me,listener_1,2,"Well my friend, dont think of the relationship as a way to pick yourself up in the first place. It's risky and highly likely making it even harder to move on if anything happens. Explore the problems you have, analyse them one by one and try to deal with them before dedicating yourself to a relationship. Otherwise you'll just find yourself over-relying on your partner emotionally and mentally. Which I kinda dont need to explain how bad that would be for the relationship and if it doesn't work out. All the best my friend",0.6908,positive,questioning 2795,depressed,Someone actually wants me,listener_2,3,Great advice!,0.6588,positive,acknowledging 2795,depressed,Someone actually wants me,listener_1,4,Thx live n learn but honestly it's more impt you learn from your own mistakes,0.3612,positive,neutral 2796,depressed,What did I do...,speaker,1,Why am I not good enough...,-0.3412,negative,ashamed 2796,depressed,What did I do...,speaker,2,I can't do this anymore,0.0,neutral,devastated 2796,depressed,What did I do...,speaker,3,I'm trying,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),speaker,1,"It's been shitty these past 2 years and by far this was the most terrifying one yet. My mother and stepfather were fighting as usual and I, the oldest son of my ma would tell the little ones to stay where they were and I would go and stop the fighting. My mother started talking walks in the cold until the last walk she took was with a bottle of pills. Without grabbing my socks and shoes I jumped in the car with my stepdad and drove to her to grab the pills. She started hitting me to let her go but I wouldn't be I was scared. My stepdad told me to let her and we went back home. We planned to snatch her when she came back because we didn't want her to run off again and so we can talk. So we did what we said and brought her in so we can talk but all she would do is scream at me saying ""I hate you! I hate you! You were a mistake! You take his side for everything!"" and it hurt so much even though it was her anger making her say that. We tried to calm her down and talk while we block the door so she wouldn't run again. This time she went for a knife but thankfully we stopped. She then cried it out while we sat there so we can keep an eye on her. She then apologized to me for what she said and almost did. Days went by and she went back to saying horrible things to me that at that point it just drove me crazy to where I started to bang my head on the wall till I bled. I'm just tired of being her punching bag when my stepdad is not there to take her yelling. I'm not strong enough to deal with it anymore. Am I a horrible person for not caring to what happens to my mother? Yes! Am I ever going to be normal? Who knows. I'm just tired and I thought about cutting my life short and throw away everything.",-0.9968,negative,terrified 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),listener_1,2,"Your mom needs an intervention and professional help. She doesn't know how to communicate properly and doesn't know how to control her emotions...excuse the bad comparison, but she's like X-Mens Cyclops without any glasses.",0.431,positive,neutral 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),speaker,3,"Yeah me and my stepdad talked to her about it and she agreed. She had help from professional doctors when I was 5. She had to stay in a hospital till I turned 7. Honestly she got worse through out the Years. And I've been a shitty son so it didn't help much plus my brother stopped receiving medication which added more hell for us all, I just hope that this time she does get help that we can go be a normal family. It's been hell for us when I was young and now.",-0.7914,negative,hopeful 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),listener_1,4,Sorry to hear. Mental illness is no joke and can easily tear a family apart...maybe be in a controlled environment and let her express herself with no rebuttal?...let her get everything off her chest.,-0.5702,negative,suggesting 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),speaker,5,"That's what me and my stepdad talked about, we agreed to give her some time and space since we aren't the ones she like to see right now. I feel like a bad person but all I want is for her to get better. And everything she said to me, would remind me of her father and my real biological father both who thought of me as someone else's kid and how I'm not their family. I know it was the heat of the moment but it hurts so much and I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with it. I help pay for my brothers medication and get food. I'm honestly easily to get triggered and I hate it but it's who I am I love people but it's hard for me to communicate.",0.8223,positive,sentimental 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),listener_1,6,Damn...gaslighting at its worst!,-0.6588,negative,angry 2797,depressed,Long story for venting I guess (Sorry it's long),speaker,7,Yup!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2798,depressed,Tiktok,speaker,1,I made private weird tiktoks. I forgot my phone and my whole family saw them. I just laughed it off but I'm really embarrassed and angry about it... idk what to say or feel so I just write it in here. 👌,-0.0735,negative,ashamed 2798,depressed,Tiktok,listener_1,2,Was it just like retarded dancing and weird faces or what 😄,0.3818,positive,neutral 2798,depressed,Tiktok,speaker,3,Retarded face and singing recordings I'm afraid ._.,-0.5719,negative,afraid 2798,depressed,Tiktok,speaker,4,Dead serious,-0.6808,negative,apprehensive 2798,depressed,Tiktok,speaker,5,Thank you♡,0.3612,positive,wishing 2799,depressed,Depression worsening,speaker,1,"Currently at a state where I think about committing suicide constantly. This has been a recurring daily thought for the past few months. I’m going to therapy, I’m taking anti-depressants except my tendency to think about going through suicide gets worse and worse by the hour. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think life gets any better but I don’t want to hurt others around me by taking my own life.",-0.8922,negative,terrified 2799,depressed,Depression worsening,listener_1,2,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 2799,depressed,Depression worsening,speaker,3,"Thank you. Even though this is literally a subreddit for people who are going through depression, I can’t help but feel utterly alone. It’s nice to see that it’s not that way sometimes. I hope things get better for you, good luck.",0.9581,positive,lonely 2800,depressed,Is true friendship real?,speaker,1,"I realized that one of the reasons I felt so depressed was because I was so isolated. I used to consider myself an introvert until I came to the conclusion that I was just a bit socially anxious and had trouble connecting with others. So, I decided to try and make more friends since most of my friends were online but lately I realized how fake friends can be and I think my relationships with other people are only contributing to my depression right now.",-0.8243,negative,lonely 2800,depressed,Is true friendship real?,listener_1,2,"I never had any. So I am not sure if it's real or not. just leaving a comment here, so that I can come back and check other people's opinions.",-0.2411,negative,trusting 2800,depressed,Is true friendship real?,listener_2,3,You and me both 🙁,-0.2748,negative,agreeing 2801,depressed,And here we go,speaker,1,"Feeling really really really exhausted. Mentally and physically even though i slept fairly decently. I have things I need to do today and I am just not feeling it. Maybe its the change of weather. Its cold. The hours changed. And among over things. Might be depression, might just be life. Felt like this yesterday too. Maybe I'll feel better soon.",-0.3622,negative,sad 2801,depressed,And here we go,listener_1,2,Hope you feel better soon bud,0.7003,positive,consoling 2801,depressed,And here we go,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2801,depressed,And here we go,speaker,4,Haha never tried them and I would never want to do it alone.,0.1969,positive,neutral 2801,depressed,And here we go,speaker,5,"Thanks, its getting better",0.7003,positive,consoling 2801,depressed,And here we go,listener_2,6,And do your research first if you deside to do it,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,speaker,1,"So I have been having a very hard time with home with the family, it's been getting hard to do things and made me depressed. Everyday I take the public bus to the station and wait for the bus to take to college. As I was waiting, it was very cold and wet from the rain and I saw a dog cold and hungry. The dog would go person to person in hopes of getting a little bit of food, it had no luck so I went to a store near the station to get a snack for me and a complete meal for the dog. I put the meal down and the dog moved his tail as it was excited. My bus showed up and I got on, when I looked back I saw this fat asshole took the food from the dog and ate it in front of it and just laughed. I couldn't do anything because I was already on the bus and they won't let people down unless you pay again but all the money I had left was for the bus but I used it for the dog. Then it looked like if the guy said to a security guard that the dog kept bugging him for the meal but in reality the fat guy took the dog's food. The guard kicked him away from the station and I just grew angry. That dog left in hopes of finding a meal and a place to stay.",0.6771,positive,sad 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,listener_1,2,I’m so sorry. I hope the fucker who stole from a hungry dog gets some sort of comeuppance. Maybe a heart attack. Maybe the dog gets adopted by an outreach program for strays. Could you contact a shelter or program like that where you live and see if there’s anything to be done? Just talk to them about it. Maybe they’ll sympathize and keep and eye out for that dog?,0.5156,positive,suggesting 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,speaker,3,"Yeah I did that bout 2 hours after because I had a class. So hopefully they can find the dog to get a home. But most of the times they do not find the dogs people tell them about. They try their best but it's hard as they would never show up, the dogs disappear, or end up dead :(. Hopefully they can find it before anything. The dog was very beautiful and had light blue colored eyes. They said they would tell me if they find it.",0.8775,positive,consoling 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,listener_1,4,You did good. I’m proud of you for stepping up like that. Thank you.,0.875,positive,proud 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,speaker,5,I just wish I could have stopped that guy from taking the food. Some people disgust me and it's up to people like us to preserve whatever is left that makes us happy. I hope I get a call and if I do I can keep you posted!,0.7424,positive,hopeful 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,listener_1,6,"I would really like it if you kept me posted. Remember, that dumb jerk spurred you to do something better than they could even fathom. This loser thought they were getting one up on a good-hearted person, but you instead went the higher route to do good. Keep it up, we need more people like you.",0.7196,positive,grateful 2802,depressed,It only gets worse,speaker,7,Thank you and I definitely will let you know if they find that dog!,0.6696,positive,agreeing 2803,depressed,How do we know what we really want and stop just fonctionning day after day ?,speaker,1,My therapist ask me to work on what i do want. And i have no f*ing clue about that. Any tips or experiences to share ?,0.0772,positive,questioning 2803,depressed,How do we know what we really want and stop just fonctionning day after day ?,listener_1,2,This helped for me: Start jogging outside.,0.0,neutral,proud 2803,depressed,How do we know what we really want and stop just fonctionning day after day ?,speaker,3,"Thank for the advice. I m kindda not jogging person :) What i try to reach is what i really want for me. Im in a whirpool all day every day between work family extra activities but even if from the outside it seems fullfilling. I am empty, i feel empty. I don t know what To do or not do to feel in another way",-0.4667,negative,lonely 2803,depressed,How do we know what we really want and stop just fonctionning day after day ?,listener_1,4,"You need to ask yourself, did you choose to do these activities, or did other people ask/demand them from you?",0.0,neutral,neutral 2803,depressed,How do we know what we really want and stop just fonctionning day after day ?,speaker,5,"Thanks again for your answer I guess i have now to disapear and start from scratch. Joke aside. Like every one some parts are choosed other are, due to things like living on earth, not. Maybe i need to learn first how to preserve myself. Maybe i feel empty because the way i dispense my energy ls wrong or not efficient. Im a bit lost",0.3956,positive,suggesting 2804,depressed,Why am I scared to kill myself,speaker,1,"Don't tell me ""oh don't kill yourself"", I'm trying to understand my own thought process.",0.5773,positive,neutral 2804,depressed,Why am I scared to kill myself,listener_1,2,I think most people are afraid to kill themselves or to just die one day because they don’t know what’s next and that’s the scary thing. Nobody knows what next. We just have to wait and find out I guess. But I understand you 100% because I also feel suicidal and I think of ending it everyday but I won’t I can’t leave the people that actually care. I’m here for you if you need to talk I’m open to listen anytime :),-0.6858,negative,faithful 2804,depressed,Why am I scared to kill myself,listener_2,3,ok the ending belongs on r/humansbeingbros but i wont post it for the sake of privacy,0.1531,positive,neutral 2804,depressed,Why am I scared to kill myself,speaker,4,I can't figure out if I do or not.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2805,depressed,I push everyone away,speaker,1,"I’ve been dealing with a lot of emotions the past week and I’ve been pushing everyone away. I push away the one person I care about the most.. my best friend. I can’t seem to stop doing it. I don’t want to lose them but I feel like it will happen eventually because I just take everything out on them. I feel like a horrible friend. I’m trying to deal with a lot and my anger has been worse and so has my sadness and it just shitty mixed together and with anxiety. I hate opening up because I feel like I just complain too much. I haven’t had a job in 3 months, I’m a high school drop out, I’m too afraid to leave my home and get a job again. It took so much out of me getting the last job. I have so much fear just thinking of social interaction and people taking to me or being around me. I hate being like this I just want to be able to get a job without all the extreme fear. So yeah idk what else to say I’m just a mess",-0.9865,negative,guilty 2805,depressed,I push everyone away,listener_1,2,"Well, can't say I've been in your situation. You do mention it but its probably the right way to go. Fix yourself first before anything and slowly move your way towards your goal. Maybe that's reaching out to old friends or new friends. And practice reaching out to someone and open up. Start on social media If you want. ( like a PM) Don't stress over not having a job. People go through life differently. Someone explore the world before settling down.",0.9635,positive,suggesting 2805,depressed,I push everyone away,speaker,3,"Thank you :,)",0.3612,positive,wishing 2806,depressed,I am sick of hating myself,speaker,1,I am a good person who tries hard to be a great person and when I fail I feel worthless. I want to like myself but it's hard. I feel like if people who I care about me are mad or disappointed in me that I am worthless. I cry a lot. I feel so tired of hating myself.,-0.9659,negative,sad 2806,depressed,I am sick of hating myself,listener_1,2,"That is one of the toughest feelings to get over. Every time I do, it seems to come back. Just remind yourself you are a good person and you’re probably WAY more critical about yourself than anyone else is. Keep doing good and good luck. Take care of yourself and if you need to chat hit me up 😊",0.9517,positive,wishing 2806,depressed,I am sick of hating myself,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",speaker,1,"Who wouldn't go, this world is so shit?",-0.6825,negative,questioning 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",listener_1,2,I Think I would stay. A world filled with only happiness and good is boring.,0.6369,positive,content 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",listener_2,3,Boredom wouldn’t exist in that universe tho,-0.3182,negative,neutral 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",speaker,4," I cannot tell you how exactly this fantasy world would work, however, it could be so you are alone in the simulation, meaning that your actions do not directly affect another person, and the simulation simulates all the people you have ever met in your life exactly while also simulating whatever place you want it to, but of course, you don't know this. This would mean that whatever you believe is good and evil, is, in your world, good and evil. Again, I am nowhere near smart enough to figure out how something like this could work, but if in the future, something like this were to actually happen, they would do it much better than the way I have described to you.",0.1233,positive,neutral 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",speaker,5,yea funny joke,0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",speaker,6,same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",listener_3,7,"On a somewhat funny note (not so funny) life being a simulation is always a possibility from the reality that we perceive, and when you die you return to the other reality. Which would be funny except it’s highly unlikely. If you ever have read House of Leaves I think this quote speaks volumes of this and personally with some thought sends chills down my spine “Why did god create a dual universe? So he might say ‘Be not like me. I am alone.' And it might be heard.”",-0.3251,negative,surprised 2807,depressed,"If humans were technologically advanced enough to be able to create a simulation of ""heaven"" or a place free of suffering which only has happiness and ""good"" in it, would you go, or would you stay in the real world?",listener_1,8,"Surely, but there are different kind of fun.",0.715,positive,neutral 2807,depressed,Worthless,listener_4,1,"I feel like a total piece of shit. Everybody in my family is an over achiever and I'm currently at home without a job. Although I have some savings and I utilize those for my expenses, everybody just speaks to me so condescendingly. Like I'm dumb. Like I'm a waste of space. On the other hand, I'm the joker of the house. I make everyone laugh, I try to be a good kid. Once in a blue moon I also burst out, and they paint me as the bad person. As if I'm not allowed to. Why? Am I not human? What do I do if I don't know what to do? If I don't have money overflowing from everywhere and if I don't have a 20 year plan? I really don't want to be a part of life anymore",0.6091,positive,annoyed 2807,depressed,Worthless,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you dont have more encouraging people around you. But everyone goes through life differently. Someone seeks adventure before achievements, some doesn't want children, some works out some works home etc. Just remember you are your own biggest supporter. That's the only one who can't betray you and will always have you back. As cheesy shit that l may sound. I hope you show them good one day.",0.9379,positive,sympathizing 2807,depressed,Worthless,listener_4,3,I hope so to. Thank you,0.6887,positive,encouraging 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,speaker,1,My relationship makes me want to do drugs. I used to look to him for comfort now I'm just tired. Love him to death but I feel like I'm suffocating. Somebody send me some weed.,0.5187,positive,lonely 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,listener_1,2,I want some weed.,0.0772,positive,jealous 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,speaker,3,I wish it were that easy. We have great moments and sometimes things go smoothly. I've just been stressed lately and so has he and it puts a strain on things. And I tend to try to bury my emotions in order to help him. I'll hopefully be seeing a therapist soon.,0.91,positive,lonely 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,listener_2,4,Agreed,0.2732,positive,agreeing 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,speaker,5,Thank you.. I'm doing my best,0.7717,positive,wishing 2808,depressed,Drugs anyone?,listener_3,6,"Keep doing it, and try to drug yourself with something else, might help",0.4019,positive,consoling 2809,depressed,A realization that i’ll always be alone...,speaker,1,"So me being the ultra emotional attention whore that i am, came to the conclusion last night, after finding happiness and “good friends” , realized that i will always be alone. I mean most times I’m pretty sure that they always leave me on read coz they get bored of me which i can’t blame them, who would want to talk to an ugly fat short transmale who doesn’t have money to transition. Now i last night i started cutting again and had a really bad break down and was miserable all day today, people were only concerned because i was usually energetic so it was weird for them to see me all quiet and sad looking. But i just passed it off as i was just tired and was having a bad day, which wasn’t too far from the truth honestly but i’m not gonna just tell people that i want to kill myself and that i’ve started cutting myself again, it’ll seem way too desperate and i’m already too desperate for people attention. I’m just so tired of living with dreams that will never happen, i want to find love, i want to be able to play guitar and sing so i can impress the girl that i hopefully find one day, i want to be happy and overcome my depression but it keeps finding it’s way back and i lose all motivation for everything and start snapping at people out of the blue. I’ll never find love because i’m ugly and let’s be real, no one in their right mind would ever want to date an ugly person and me, i’m ugly in every way possible, personality wise and looks wise. And i don’t plan on changing my personality for someone but changing my look is a whole different play to act on that i’m willing to do but i just can’t. Like i said this depression is fucking killing me slowly, it’s driving me insane honestly. I just wish i could find someone like me. Or at least my polar opposite. idk i hate myself and i really just want to get hit by a bus as soon as i step out of my house.",-0.9805,negative,lonely 2809,depressed,A realization that i’ll always be alone...,listener_1,2,go to a therapist. Beliefs are beliefs for as long as you believe in them.,0.0,neutral,trusting 2809,depressed,A realization that i’ll always be alone...,speaker,3,i go to a counselor but i don’t have any reliable rides,0.0,neutral,trusting 2810,depressed,Lost.,speaker,1,"What's wrong with me? I ruin everything. When even for a moment where everything's fine, I have to ruin it. For some reason I have to do something. I've ruined every single friendship I've had, I've ruined my family dynamic and I'm even the reason we are where we are today; with half my family away from me because I fucked up. I had to do thing differently, I had to think differently, i had to go through life differently. And now what? I chase unrealistic dreams and put high expectations on it, but for what? For everyone to turn away again? For everyone to ignore me? For everyone to see right through me because they know the real me, its not this. It's what ruined them back then, that's the real me. I put on a facade everyday just to try and keep everyone happy, including myself, but this trick is getting old and I'm fucking scared and tired of it. I'm starting to lose myself. I bet this didn't even really make sense. Have a habit of doing that too. I just wish I could be better. For everyone. For me.",-0.9234,negative,ashamed 2810,depressed,Lost.,listener_1,2,Man you are really going through some serious shit but i wanted to ask you that did you ruin your relationship with friends and family on purpose or it just happened coz of your own behaviour,-0.5423,negative,neutral 2810,depressed,Lost.,speaker,3,I think it was my behavior.,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2810,depressed,Lost.,listener_1,4,And i asked you that did that on purpose or not coz i have being doing the same thing on purpose coz i just want stay alone it hurts but i think its better for me and them as well And with that in mind i think somethings wrong with me,-0.0129,neutral,neutral 2810,depressed,Lost.,listener_1,5,"Ooh so its okay now you have to keep that in mind and have to do what your doing keep trying to make yourself and other happy maybe someday they will understand that what you did was for a reason :"")",0.7076,positive,consoling 2811,depressed,I'm not sure if I want to be dead,speaker,1,"Most people think that a suicidal person wants to die but that's not true at all, I think we just wanna stop living as we are now...",-0.8749,negative,neutral 2811,depressed,I'm not sure if I want to be dead,listener_1,2,yeah,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2811,depressed,I'm not sure if I want to be dead,speaker,3,"Everyone is, I just wanna stop",-0.29600000000000004,negative,annoyed 2812,depressed,I can't do this anymore,speaker,1,"I used to be with this girl, Sarah, and she was the best person I've ever met. I loved her so much but the relationship didn't last long because she ended it after a short while. We remained friends but we talked even less than we already did and now we just don't talk at all. I can't get my mind off of her, it's been almost 2 years and I just can't get over her. Most of the music I like I already associated with her so that just makes me think of her even more. I need someone to help me. Any advice is appreciated.",0.9659,positive,sad 2813,depressed,I don’t know what to do anymore,speaker,1,"Life is tough, my parents hate me, I’m a failure. I’m not even close to being loved by a family member. Why can’t I just die?",-0.8176,negative,sad 2813,depressed,I don’t know what to do anymore,listener_1,2,Sorry for you family should always have your back. If you have anyone else in life you can count on ask for help and focus yourself on what you love and like to do.,0.8442,positive,sympathizing 2813,depressed,I don’t know what to do anymore,speaker,3,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2814,depressed,I need to get this off my chest,speaker,1,My whole life has been nothing but trash im 14 my dad is dead off of a drug overdose my mother hates me my family treats me like a burden im failing two classes in school i was abused has a little boy and everyone around me for my whole life has taken a big fucking shit on me i don't see the point in living anymore because one day im just going to die and everyone is going to die that that sucks i spent a whole summer of my life fearing the idea and presence of death and now i just don't care everyday is a fucking nightmare.,-0.9957,negative,devastated 2814,depressed,I need to get this off my chest,listener_1,2,"You are so young man please try and make a good life for yourself and don't give up. I'm 30 and though I have my depression issues I wish I was your age again I would do so much different. learn some interesting skills. try different things. don't be afraid of failure, you have so much time to do things its not even funny. I cant stress the fact enough that you have a massive amount of time right now to make a life for yourself. Aim high and make mistakes don't let the mistakes bring you down. learn from them. There is a good chance you will never see the people that you think are judging you when you grow up. and there is 100 percent chance that it wont even matter what they think. If there is one piece of advice I can give you its pick a hobby type thing and learn a lot about it. It will keep you interested and benefit you in the future. learn something technical and learn Spanish. those are some things I wish I would have done. also get into sports and fitness. you wont regret it.",0.9587,positive,proud 2814,depressed,I need to get this off my chest,speaker,3,Thank you for the support fuel i'll take what you said to heart.,0.8555,positive,wishing 2814,depressed,I need to get this off my chest,speaker,4,I grew up religious and i still am to this day i have a very strong faith in God but i just want to feel good once in a while im sick of the pain.,-0.1814,negative,faithful 2815,depressed,I'm fucking loosing it. (Depression),speaker,1,"I have no idea whats goin on with me. I just cant do anything anymore. I have no energy. I have lost all interest in all activities. I fucking hate my life and my job and where I live. The only thing I love is my truck and nothing to do with anything I did its got a few scratches and dings on it mostly from my neighbor who i have on camera and cant do anything about it. Its a brand new truck... (From what I gather reddit is big on grammar and formatting, excuse me for any mistakes I'm a retard aparrently) d, not that I even have any, and I just cant wait to got home. I'm fucking lost right now I just don't know why I'm like this. In the past I've been smart and active and hopeful. lately I'm a deflated balloon waiting to be thrown in the garbage. No one hears me no one understands no one cares. I'm fine but I just wish I could be happy sometimes. I wish I could have hope and ambition again. It just doesn't exist for me anymore. I almost feel like I'm being punished by God, but I've been a decently good person my whole life and I don't get it. If all this Is to push me to make a change than I just have no clue what that change is. I'm just here to talk.... (From what i gather reddit is big on grammar and formatting, excuse me for any mistakes I'm a retard aparrently)",0.892,positive,sad 2815,depressed,I'm fucking loosing it. (Depression),listener_1,2,"You’re going to be ok. You’re going through it right now. I fucking hate depression it makes me feel stunted. I was so stressed with work and school and a lover I think I fried my brain and my period came then the depression hit me like a train and I actually left work early then called in sick the next day because I was so depressed. I knew I had to give myself some ME TIME. I wasn’t eating much either, I lose my appetite when I get depressed and lose ambition and procrastinate bad. I made myself breakfast and I went on a long ass hike and I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion, and finally the endorphins came! I highly recommended you treat yourself to a home cooked meal, then exercise or do whatever thing you haven’t given yourself the time to do. I seriously recommended exercising though but the key is to push yourself till you feel your entire face is hot and probably red and your covered in sweat and heart racing. You really need to get to the point of exhaustion for the rush of endorphins to hit then you’ll suddenly be smiling for no reason. I promise you! Try not to allow yourself to feed into your depressive thoughts for too long because it doesn’t serve you, there’s no objective other than reminding yourself how shitty you feel. I do believe you need to listen to yourself and your feelings but don’t sulk in them, stagnation does nothing for us. As people prone to depression we must take extra special care of ourselves, so anytime these shitty feelings start to take over you’ll know it’s time to give yourself a mental health day. Go take a yoga class or go run or go paint. Whatever it is. Or if you don’t have any hobbies, what do you really wish you could try that you’ve never tried? Or why have you still never been to that cool place you randomly think about? Go! And remind yourself how beautiful, smart and intuitive you are. You got this! This will pass! It always will eventually! It can’t last forever it simply can’t and you know that because you’ve experienced better before. If it does last too long maybe look into medication but first try some self TLC. Hope this helps :)",0.9125,positive,sad 2815,depressed,I'm fucking loosing it. (Depression),speaker,3,Thanks for the support I appreciate what you said,0.8074,positive,grateful 2815,depressed,I'm fucking loosing it. (Depression),listener_1,4,Absolutely,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2816,depressed,I’m confused,speaker,1,"I don’t understand my gender identity, and I don’t understand my sexual orientation. People seem to push me away when I tell them my problems. And honestly, I just want a friend. It anyone interested?",0.7579,positive,lonely 2816,depressed,I’m confused,listener_1,2,What’s up friend?,0.4939,positive,questioning 2816,depressed,I’m confused,speaker,3,My anxiety,-0.1779,negative,anxious 2816,depressed,I’m confused,speaker,4,Hi 👋,0.4939,positive,wishing 2816,depressed,I’m confused,speaker,5,Oml sorry I didn’t see this until now.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2816,depressed,I’m confused,listener_2,6,It's okay lol,0.5719,positive,neutral 2817,depressed,"Im deep in it, please help",speaker,1,"So latley I have been feeling depressed, its now been around 5 years since the last time i was extreamly depressed but now I can feel it coming back.. I dont know how to cope with it now, i have tried talking to my closest friend about it but she doesn't really care that much about it. (long story) I feel like everything is hopeless at this point, i have no family to talk to or other friends.. My only go to is this girl i have been calling my best friend, but she cares more about going to parties and drinking, and she does not want me to Come with her so im on my own. I really feel like there is No hope LEFT for me, and I really dont want to live anymore. Its been so long since I was like this, so i dont know how to cope, pls give me some good coping advice and tips! Ty(sorry for my bad english)",0.9652,positive,lonely 2817,depressed,"Im deep in it, please help",listener_1,2,"please don’t give up on urself no matter what u’re going through...things might be tough now but look! u got past 5 years of your life, and honestly u should be finding new friends and not the shitty friends u have right now....true friends will never push u aside when you feel like that. even stormy skies pass to let the sun shine through so please hang in there alright. watch comedies!!! rlly helps for me ☺️",0.9891,positive,consoling 2817,depressed,"Im deep in it, please help",speaker,3,❤️❤️❤️,0.0,neutral,grateful 2817,depressed,"Im deep in it, please help",speaker,4,Wise words!,0.5255,positive,acknowledging 2817,depressed,"Im deep in it, please help",speaker,5,❤️❤️❤️,0.0,neutral,grateful 2818,depressed,Music saves me!,speaker,1,"Do you ever just blare your music through your headphones, just wallowing in teenage angst and feel a little better for a moment... only for you to accidentally knock an earbud out of your ear, or your music stops and all of a sudden in the natural silence or the sound of the people living beside you, all of your dark thoughts and feelings come back flooding around you with no mercy? Because this is how I feel a lot, I feel like when I listen to my loud screamy music I can lose myself in the words and feel like I have no cares, however, in the silence, I find me and my thoughts alone which means I can't control the urges. if you feel like this, send me your escape playlists :)",0.6145,positive,nostalgic 2818,depressed,Music saves me!,listener_1,2,"Music definitely saved but does anyone just listen to sad songs on repeat making things even worse but you can’t/ don’t stop because the release is just so good and you’re afraid that when you do stop it’ll just be the empty nothingness Btw Cory Wells is amazing and should definitely give him a listen. Avoid the blame, Patience, and end of a good thing are all great",0.8629,positive,agreeing 2818,depressed,Music saves me!,speaker,3,"All the time, some fucked yo part of me drives me to wallow in my sadness and drive myself to tears by listening to music that pulls out my anguish :/",-0.9382,negative,sad 2818,depressed,Music saves me!,speaker,4,Will do :),0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2819,depressed,Yelling at the top of my lungs doesn’t work anymore.,speaker,1,"“I want to die! I want this to be a nightmare! Let me wake up from this fucked up coma now!” I have yelled that in my car for days. Things are so fucked up now that I don’t think I’m in reality. I want to wake up and this all be a lie. Something made up. All I want is my bug back. I want movie nights, I want junk food and Taco Bell dates again. I want to scream until I have no voice. I want to scream I love you from the top of my lungs. I would jump off a bridge to reset everything. Until then, my mental stability will listen each day and I’ll start to laugh more and more about how my life is a joke and that it will never change.",-0.8762,negative,angry 2819,depressed,Yelling at the top of my lungs doesn’t work anymore.,listener_1,2,"I feel you bro I’m somewhat in the same boat but I feel I’m finally catching a tiny breeze and just trying to stay on it , which I know sounds like straight bullshit to hear but each positive step in the right direction will snowball quickly . I’m sorry you feel this way bro it’s a pain not many can understand I hope you feel better soon!",0.8122,positive,consoling 2819,depressed,Yelling at the top of my lungs doesn’t work anymore.,listener_2,3,bro 😎💪,0.4588,positive,impressed 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,1,"Have you ever reached that point in your life where you feel like everythings againts you, and you feel like life is worth living? I did. Smoking wasnt really anything for me, I just wanted to do it because it looked cool in movies. But ever since that first puff, I felt like my problems temporarily disappeared. For once I didnt overthink, felt anxiety, and depressed. Seems like the smoke carries my problems away, atleast for a moment. I know that smoking is bad especially at a young age of 16. But its the only thing from the many things i tried that actually aids my pain.",-0.9189,negative,content 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_1,2,"I guess we’re not talking about cigarettes, are we..",0.0,neutral,suggesting 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,3,Did your parents ever knew about you smoking? (Probably not but we have different parents),0.0,neutral,questioning 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_2,4,When I lived with my dad he knew and didn’t care and my mom knew way before I moved in with her she said she can’t make me stop cuz I’ll just keep going back,0.25,positive,angry 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,5,"(You dont have to answer this if you dont want to,I understand).Can you share what pushed you to smoke?",0.2448,positive,questioning 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_2,6,I hope you’re talking about cigs cuz weed is a whole other long story,0.4404,positive,consoling 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_2,7,My mind is kinda blank right now because I haven’t sleep in 24 hours but I’ll try. Okay for one I thought it was cool and I wanted to fit in with the cool big kids and I was like Fuck it I’ll see what the smoking thing is about. But when I was 12 I started realizing more and more why people did it and I got really hooked onto them. I smoked because it helped my anxiety and cleared my mind. Just light up a smoke and just forget everything and watch the cigarette burn. It helped me in ways not health wise of course but mentally for sure. Smoking isn’t a good thing but we all have a way of coping with stress.,0.7157,positive,lonely 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,8,Its funny how small things can lead to another and then change your life. Thank you for sharing your story : ),0.802,positive,neutral 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_2,9,Ngl I’ve smoked a few since I quit but not everyday it’s once in a great while,0.7684,positive,neutral 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,10,"I hope I find an alternative, But for the meantime cigarettes it is lol",0.6858,positive,consoling 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,11,"Yep, I hoping ill do that transition to someday",0.29600000000000004,positive,hopeful 2820,depressed,I started smoking,speaker,12,True sht right here!,0.4753,positive,agreeing 2820,depressed,I started smoking,listener_3,13,"Yeah, I understand",0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2821,depressed,Im numb,speaker,1,Why is everyone angry at me like i havent gotten out of bed in a week and i just feel dead,-0.7269,negative,annoyed 2821,depressed,Im numb,listener_1,2,Stay strong.,0.5106,positive,wishing 2821,depressed,Im numb,speaker,3,Ty,0.3818,positive,devastated 2821,depressed,Im numb,speaker,4,Thanks bro,0.4404,positive,wishing 2821,depressed,Im numb,listener_2,5,😅,0.3612,positive,wishing 2821,depressed,Im numb,speaker,6,Ty,0.3818,positive,devastated 2821,depressed,Im numb,speaker,7,Ty,0.3818,positive,devastated 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,1,"Just about 30 minutes ago my sister (13) came home while having a phone call with her bf. She then told me her life was worse than mine, I wouldn't know half of what's currently going on in her life and so on. I (17) told her my life was more shitty than her's. She laughed and asked why. I responded that I don't have much friends (only 1 real friend living nearbye), constantly are in pain (my body's a mess, I tend to get sick quickly) and that I am mentally ill. She went out of the room and said it was all my own fault. I don't know how to deal with this. I got so angry, but I wanna cry at the same time though. She has cut herself and had suicidal thoughts, but she is quite fine now. I am not fine at all. I have untreatable ""illnesses"" that she hasn't. I have had depression for at least 5 years now. I nearly killed myself a couple of times. She is more alright than I am. Why does she say that, I don't get it... I filled out an application for a psychiatry last week, she feels good again after just talking with some friends. Her body is alright, how can she truly believe she is worse of than me? Please can anybody help me, I don't know how to handle her, what am I supposed to say? Or should I stay quiet and avoid confrontation?",-0.9836,negative,embarrassed 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_1,2,Just avoid that let her think that she was more in pain then you... Your elder to her so instead of telling her your life was shit then her tell her that she is ok now and thats good thing... Suffering is a part of life man you have to do it by not letting others know cos they dont care,-0.8752,negative,neutral 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,3,Okay thanks. I guess ur right. I'll try,0.5859,positive,agreeing 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,4,"Yeah, but I realise that she is/ has been going through a lot of shit, but she treats me like me life is easy and that really hurts me/makes me angry. But I will try to avoid talking about it. Thx for ur advise",-0.7776,negative,neutral 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_2,5,Then I guess your sister is the one who needs to hear this advice. Just ignore her Ig and she will learn when she grows up a bit,-0.3612,negative,suggesting 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,6,Yeah I think so. I'll try and I hope she'll learn soon,0.6249,positive,encouraging 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,7,Hmm sounds plausible. I'll think about it. Thank you♡,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,8,Okay thank u very much for the long comment! I'll think about it,0.5707,positive,acknowledging 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_3,9,"Reading more on others I'll say this too, people can spout cliches about problems not meaning much when you're older. Well that's well and nice then but does nothing for you now. Your problems matter because they are affecting you. Dont let others tell you your problems dont mean anything because you get others later. That's not something that's going to be thought of in the moment. Could make the argument the only ones that matter are the ones that are happening presently and not some maybes down the road. Every experiance shapes you. The goal is to find healthy ways to deal with everything. If it's available I highly recommend therapy. They provide more than just an ear. They give you tools to deal with the sort of thing that made you post today.",-0.1681,negative,agreeing 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,10,"1. I try to let temporary problems slide so I can ""focus"" on my permanent ones 2. I got permanent problems like food intolerances, problems building up muscels, probably ADHD, but the untreatable kind and so on 3. I started seeing an psychiatrist this autumn (e.g. today I took an ADHD test there) 4. I mentioned the application for an psychiatryin my main comment, next week we will drive there and they will talk with me, so I hope they will take me in soon 5. Thanks for spending ur time to help me. I really appreciate that ♡",0.961,positive,hopeful 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,11,"1. Ur right 2. Yeah. I think so too. I just want her to accept that my life is not fine. I don't need her to see how shitty it actually is I just want her to understand that I am going through quite some trouble too. 3. Yeah I will probably (hopefully soon) get to make a theraphy in a psychiatry. I just want to get better somewhen, but I want my sister to be alright at some point too. I am just afraid that it will be too fast for me or that they will start giving me medication to make it easier for them (I think I get addicted faster than others). But I'll do my best.",0.9596,positive,agreeing 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_3,12,That's good. I hope you get in too. I really believe everyone could use therapy. It's nice just to have help. I found medicine and talking to be a good combination for me. Good luck with things.,0.959,positive,encouraging 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_4,13,Try your best but dont push yourself too much. There are consequences to pushing yourself too hard.,0.25,positive,neutral 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,speaker,14,I will. Thanks for commenting,0.4404,positive,sympathizing 2822,depressed,Little fight with my little sister,listener_4,15,Anytime,0.0,neutral,angry 2823,depressed,Fakers,speaker,1,"You know all of those ""14 year old girl"" posts? Those are making it really hard for me to get help. I told one of my friends how I've been feeling and showed her my scars but all she said was ""oh of course you're telling me NOW."" Like I can control it. I tried to reach out to another friend but since I am moving soon all she said was to wait until I moved to kill myself as it would cause her too much emotional pain. I have tried everything but no one believes me, they all think I just want attention.",-0.4491,negative,sad 2823,depressed,Fakers,listener_1,2,"Buddy, I hope ur alright! It's irritating when people think that we fake it for attention, but don't worry there are people who listen genuinely!",0.4754,positive,consoling 2823,depressed,Fakers,listener_2,3,"Seriously, what horrible things for them to say. Please keep pushing for help from kinder people",0.4588,positive,furious 2823,depressed,Fakers,speaker,4,I hope you get help too. :),0.8225,positive,consoling 2823,depressed,Fakers,listener_3,5,"And anyone who tells someone else to kill themselves, is in a dark place themselves. Work on doing your best, and be proud of anything you accomplish.",0.6597,positive,sad 2823,depressed,Fakers,speaker,6,Thank you guys so much.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,speaker,1,What do I do,0.0,neutral,lonely 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,listener_1,2,Leave her man if she likes someone else but before that have you tried telling her how you feel?,0.2023,positive,questioning 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,speaker,3,How do I go about it,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,speaker,4,How do I go about it,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,speaker,5,I haven't,0.0,neutral,ashamed 2824,depressed,She likes someone else,listener_1,6,You got options here i think either you confess her and dont regret it later or you let her go with that guy but confessing your love may ruin you friendship so keep that in mind and letting her go will hurt too and you will regret that why you didnt confess it to her..... Well theres a possibility that guy might turn her down so its upto you now I know this choices are real hard but thats what life is,-0.281,negative,suggesting 2824,depressed,I feel like shit,listener_2,1,"I just feel like crying all the time, I’m sad. I don’t know how to explain it. I feel no connection to no one, I feel so alone.",-0.8663,negative,lonely 2824,depressed,I feel like shit,listener_3,2,"cry when you need and want to cry. write when you need and want to speak to something, someone, anything. write to future you, who will look back at the pages you wrote, listen, and understand what you are going through, but instead will feel better because things will get better, and there is guarantee in it.",0.8126,positive,neutral 2824,depressed,I feel like shit,listener_2,3,Ty,0.3818,positive,devastated 2825,depressed,depression,speaker,1,my ex ended the relationship because he started to fall into a depressive state. we are constantly having to be around each other and now he acts super happy when he’s in front of me. how can he be so fake in front of me and to our friends ?,0.626,positive,surprised 2825,depressed,depression,listener_1,2,He might be a little confused. You may have already tried talking to him about it may have already asked him why hes doing this but it you haven't do try.,-0.1289,negative,neutral 2825,depressed,depression,listener_2,3,He little confused but he got the spirit,0.1397,positive,neutral 2826,depressed,Anyone else feel this way?,speaker,1,"Hey y’all, anyone out there have PTSD, cause although I’m not officially diagnosed I’m pretty sure I do. I’ve noticed in the past few years that my memory is very sharp when it comes to traumatic or memorable events. (I wish it was this clear in school lol.) A little less than a year ago I decided I wanted to end my life and I would have succeeded had a good friend of mine not saved me. I am thankful for him, but now I randomly have flashbacks for no reason, it’s as if I am reliving that night, every emotion and image is as clear as if I am back at that night. Lately the flashbacks have been worse and more frequent and it’s a bit concerning, I’m not sure what to do. I feel crazy, it’s my junior year of high school and instead of getting ready for college searches I’m fighting my own mind and I can’t talk to anyone about it without them thinking I’m crazy. The other thing is that it’s not just this event that I remember in such detail, it’s every significant even no matter how good or bad that has occurred in the past 3 years. I remember my dad moving out, my first kiss, various events of my twin brother’s rage, and more like it happened 5 minutes ago. The good events get mixed with the bad making all my memories stained with darkness. Please excuse the dramatic explanation. Remembering random events at any given time is interrupting my productivity and I’m not sure what to do. Thanks for listening to my rant, I appreciate anyone who cares to read the whole thing lol.",0.8413,positive,confident 2826,depressed,Anyone else feel this way?,listener_1,2,"Your explanations are just fine, and yes I ‘ve read it to the end hehe. Im not diagnosed with ptsd but still get weird flashbacks of over the top sadness in my childhood. Its hard to get by with all the distractions getting in the way of your well-being, believe me... Just remember one crucial thing, you’re lucky, lucky af, lucky to be what you are, lucky to be able to asked yourself what’s wrong with your mind at a strategic moment, lucky to have a specific golden friend that proved you wrong to committing the worst. I suggest you go talk to that person about your issue in as many ways you can describe them. Sorry in advance for the syntax, english is my second language Cheers",0.8151,positive,agreeing 2826,depressed,Anyone else feel this way?,speaker,3,Thank you. I want to talk to them but they are in college now and live 3 hours away. They’re really busy now and I feel bad to distract them from their future.,-0.7684,negative,sympathizing 2826,depressed,Anyone else feel this way?,speaker,4,"You see I’ve been out of therapy since august and I’d like to do everything I can to not go back, I find it very difficult to talk about these flashbacks in person.",-0.0754,negative,sentimental 2826,depressed,Anyone else feel this way?,listener_2,5,"I'm not expert, but I would say if you (still) find it very difficult to talk about it, that's all the more reason to continue with therapy. When the therapy has ""worked"" your triggers are weakened and it's not so hard to talk about it. You do you, you know best. But you might just be bottling up some trauma that's going to haunt you. You should defo try more therapy. Try a new therapist.",-0.7293,negative,apprehensive 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,speaker,1,I can't seem to do much of anything except sit on my bed and play games or be on discord/reddit and i feel like im a mistake and can't do anything right so why even try? Thats how i feel anyways....idk all i ever do is upset and disappoint my parents so it feel like im being selfish just breathing,-0.483,negative,ashamed 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,listener_1,2,"I'm in the exact same boat, I am going through a breakup right now and don't want to leave my house. I cant eat cause I'm nauseous unless I keep my mind busy while playing games or something and then when I'm done I go back to be nauseous.",0.1842,positive,agreeing 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,speaker,3,I wish i could....im just to afraid to,0.4019,positive,jealous 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,speaker,4,Im so sorry....,-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,speaker,5,"Thank you for typing all that, and yeah",0.5719,positive,acknowledging 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,listener_2,6,"What if you start small? Ask them something about how they felt in a certain situation or how they handled something, either as an adult or when they were your age. It doesn't necessarily have to turn into a big discussion or anything, just you inquiring. If you feel like expanding on the conversation give them one little piece of how you are feeling. I hope you can try.",0.7906,positive,suggesting 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,listener_3,7,Yeah I’m not sad or angry about it anymore. I’m just lonely now and I don’t really have many people to talk to,0.6067,positive,lonely 2827,depressed,Im so unmotivated...,speaker,8,Oh well if you ever want to you can dm me ill try to respond asap :) if not thats ok to,0.1808,positive,consoling 2828,depressed,Distractions…,speaker,1,"I’ve stopped drugs because of a bad robotrip but it’s made me feel fucking awful, I need constant distractions to keep me from suicide but sometimes I just want to let it engulf me and feel shit all day, it’s hard not feeling how I actually feel and I get tired of it.",-0.9805,negative,sad 2828,depressed,Distractions…,listener_1,2,"Im so sorry...i know how you feel, its very difficult not to give up but plz don't",-0.1145,negative,sympathizing 2828,depressed,Distractions…,speaker,3,I just want to keep smoking and doing ket but I don’t have any fucking money plus the I’m young and I know it’s going to turn my memory to shit but I just want to go back to the numbness,-0.7876,negative,sad 2828,depressed,Distractions…,listener_1,4,Try and find other things to make you feel better that wont hurt you in the longrun like drawing or playing video games,0.8392,positive,consoling 2829,depressed,Losing my mind,speaker,1,"Got laid off from work, so we might not get our home loan. Getting a job doing what you know how to do is so hard when companies say they're interested but you have to practically hound them to even get them to pick up a call. What's the point really? 5 years active military and I cant even get my wife and kids in a god damned house because people won't give me an interview.",0.5592,positive,devastated 2829,depressed,Losing my mind,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry man. Don't give up and keep at it, I'm sure some door will open up for you.",0.25,positive,sympathizing 2829,depressed,Losing my mind,speaker,3,"They do but the prerequisites that are tied along to all of our ""benefits"" is a long slew of hoop after hoop ro jump through and trying to maintain family life and work life is hard with everything bouncing around in your head",0.4215,positive,neutral 2829,depressed,Losing my mind,listener_2,4,That sucks man. People who have served shouldn't be put through these kinda things when they're in need of help shit I.mean you were there to help your country when they needed you,-0.1779,negative,acknowledging 2830,depressed,"im too depressing and boring, and im jealous of everyone.",speaker,1,"I was told that reddit had ""communities"" that could help me with anything, and this is the first thing that came to my mind. I only need to get things off my chest. Probably the only help I need is anyone to talk to. Here goes nothing. I'm almost twenty and I've done nothing useful in my life. Everywhere I look around me, I can't help but notice how great everyone is. I look at my friends, and what do I see? I see a funny guy who can make anyone laugh. Outings feel wrong when he's not around. A sociable person who can get along with anyone. Everyone loves that guy. A smart person who can come up with the most efficient plan, no matter what they're dealing with. A knowledgable person whom you could ask anything if you need help. A cultured person who knows a lot about art, music, movies, history, literature, cooking, anything really. I see someone who knows what he wants. Someone who has a clear idea of the goals he's trying to achieve. I see purely talented people. I see people who haven't wasted their twenty years on earth just playing around. They've worked on themselves. Now, I look at myself. I see a miserable person who can do nothing. A person who hopes for nothing. I see someone whose existence is negligible. I once had a friend tell me ""I can't hang out with just you. you're... depressing."" I don't know what I'm doing or what I want to do. I can't enjoy anything anymore, because it feels like I'm doing it out of pity for myself, or to prove people wrong. ""oh, look at yourself. Educating yourself, huh? You're doing this just to prove you're not dumb. You're not doing anything out of passion, but out of fear. The reality is, you are worthless. Nothing you'll do will change your nature.'' These are the kinds of thoughts that haunt me whenever I try to do something with my life. So, I always end up giving up whatever the hell it is that I'm doing. I just want to be someone worthwhile as long as I'm here. I just don't know where or how to start. It's too overwhelming for me. I hate myself for it. I'm typing this as many negative thoughts cloud up my mind and fog up my vision, so excuse me if I couldn't articulate very things well.",0.9831,positive,jealous 2830,depressed,"im too depressing and boring, and im jealous of everyone.",listener_1,2,You're a great writer! Stop wanting to emulate people and exploit your strengths!,0.6988,positive,proud 2830,depressed,"im too depressing and boring, and im jealous of everyone.",listener_2,3,"here's a little secret: almost no one excels at anything. Join the club! It's really OK to be not excellent at anything in particular, it is absolutely the norm.",-0.2717,negative,agreeing 2831,depressed,Feeling abandoned,speaker,1,I don’t really feel like I have friends anymore. I have 1 best friend but I get scared if one day they will get sick of me and leave. I fear that a lot because it’s happened many times. I’m trying to not keep things in anymore because it really doesn’t help if I’m constantly hurting. I just want one person that’s always there for me 24/7 and it’ll never happen. I see a therapist next week and it’s been 2 years since I’ve had one so I hope it goes well. I know I need to get help I’m ready to accept it. But yeah I understand People have lives and I don’t and can’t always talk anywaysIf you read this far sorry for wasting your time with my stupid shit,-0.6884,negative,lonely 2831,depressed,Feeling abandoned,listener_1,2,"I hope the therapist helps you along the way, that's a pretty big step talking to one. I know how you feel with the lack of friends I dont have really any myself. I think you talking about it though and posting is a good start to meeting new people/friends.",0.9081,positive,encouraging 2831,depressed,Feeling abandoned,speaker,3,Thanks man. Message me anytime if you want i can be ur friend,0.7506,positive,acknowledging 2832,depressed,Got kicked out of r/depression for inquiring about the safety of a user,speaker,1,"I've been texting this person for a few days when all of a sudden they said they couldn't text me anymore and they were deleting the account. I was concerned because they are depressed and could hurt themselves so I posted on r/depression asking the person if they had an alternate account to please let me know they were fine. Today I wake up to a message that I was permanently banned from the sub. I asked a mod (I assume the one that banned me) why I was banned. The mod said I was creating drama, being toxic and couldn't respect people's boundaries. I asked if I had broken any rules and I suppose I didn't because that wasn't adressed. I guess I don't have the right to know if the person was ok or not but I felt the post was well intentioned and even though it might deserve a slap on the wrist a ban seems excessive. Particularly being based on this person's assessment of my post's ""toxicity"". I feel terrible. I was very active on the sub and it helped me as a support system to relate to other people and feel a little better daily. I asked why wouldn't they warn me first as I would've taken the post down but the mod has yet to respond. I guess this is a vent. He's comment implying I'm toxic and drama starting really got to me..",-0.3885,negative,devastated 2832,depressed,Got kicked out of r/depression for inquiring about the safety of a user,listener_1,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/doqwow/our_mostbroken_and_leastunderstood_rules_is/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf This is probably why,0.0,neutral,neutral 2832,depressed,Got kicked out of r/depression for inquiring about the safety of a user,speaker,3,Are you implying I'm looking to abuse mentally ill people?,-0.7906,negative,questioning 2832,depressed,Got kicked out of r/depression for inquiring about the safety of a user,listener_1,4,"No, I didn’t mean anything, I just thought this post by the mods might be useful for you to find out what exactly made them ban you",-0.1779,negative,neutral 2832,depressed,Got kicked out of r/depression for inquiring about the safety of a user,speaker,5,"The only thing I did that was in there was reveal the person's first name. But their account had already been deleted and there are lots of people with that same name.. we were checking in on each other, I wasn't trying to exploit anyone. That mod probably thought I was an abuser or a predator and just banned me. Thanks for the link",-0.6814,negative,neutral 2833,depressed,Lost my dream joh before getting to start,speaker,1,So i was told on halloween i got a job but today (nov 20th) i just got a call that they can no longer hire me because of budgets but i had already told my other two jobs i was leaving. Even worse im a recent college graduate whose loans kick in this month. Does happen often? Im so sad i was so excited this job was perfect for me,-0.496,negative,devastated 2833,depressed,Lost my dream joh before getting to start,listener_1,2,Let your lenders know you're not employed and they will defer payments for a couple months. The sooner you do that the better. It'll lift a whole lot off your shoulders to refocus and get everything together. You're not alone in this. Millions are struggling alongside and can only advise if asked. Best of luck to you.,0.7808,positive,hopeful 2833,depressed,Lost my dream joh before getting to start,listener_2,3,I've never once in almost 40 jobs had a contract. They're more common in some industries than others but I think most Americans have never had a work contract,0.0,neutral,faithful 2834,depressed,Just me in my feelings..,speaker,1," everytime i feel like im alright and then it hits me like a wave rushing over me that i can't escape..suffocating beneath its crippling undertow slowly dragging me lower and lower until i cant stay quiet..i try to shout, reaching for a hand and I cry out for someone to save me knowing fully well that no one can..and in the back of my mind there you are...leading your life without a worry in the world...sometimes i wonder if you miss me...or if im just another fleeting thought passing through like a phantom with no place to call home..maybe just maybe its another story but ill never know the truth because i can never make a sound to breach the surface to reach the air and the life that i so desperately crave..",-0.7701,negative,nostalgic 2834,depressed,Just me in my feelings..,listener_1,2,*Knocks on the ice beneath me*,0.0,neutral,afraid 2834,depressed,Just me in my feelings..,speaker,3,*Ice begins to crack*,0.0,neutral,terrified 2834,depressed,Just me in my feelings..,listener_1,4,*I knock a little harder* Helo?...,0.0,neutral,questioning 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,1,"hello this is basically my story, with a hint of a rant. if the title caught your eye you right but you don’t want to read my story I recommend that you read the last paragraph //Have a lovely day Some basic info: I was diagnosed at a relatively young age with ADHD, High functioning autism and severe dyslexia. In practice this means that I have less energy than others. This meant that I had to choose and I prioritize school. I don’t really regret that decision I believe school to be a very important, especially because I have always aspired to wards prestige which really is just a sign of my insecurity’s ‘if I can’t make you like me I can outshine you. The consequences of my choice means that I am more or less socially isolated with no intimate friends in sight. I have started to make an effort to handle this problem using Reddit, Which I’m quite proud of. A normal day for me is that I wake up to the sound of ‘wonderful World’, I do my morning routine, go to school attend my classes, I eat lunch alone because I can’t handle the noise of the cafeteria, so I have to have my headset on which doesn’t make for good conversation. I take the train home. When I come home I go straight to bed to sleep or watch YouTube for several hours because I’m too exhausted to do anything else. Repeat five days a week all year long. As some of you can imagine that this existence of mine hasn’t been all happy (hence why am posting in this subreddit) but I was never really proper low, I never cut myself (although I did punch myself on Acacian) I was thinking I suicidal thoughts but I wasn’t serious about it I never tried, I wanted to live. It doesn’t change that I wasn’t happy. I’m talking in the past tense but I might as well talk in present tense it’s just that hindsight is easier. Now the title of this post ‘is not depressed enough’ so let me tell you about that. As a person with all these fancy diagnoses I have contact with the psychiatric care. I do have the occasional but meeting but those are not about my psyche, it’s to check on my medicine. I tell them about my struggles but nothing happens. Mostly because of my decent grades. If we are extra annoying they will give me a good for nothing meeting, to shut my mother up. I get there are people way worse than me but just because I lost a hand and some other guy loses all of its limbs doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t get medical attention, right? TLDR: i’m feeling blue but the system won’t help me because I’m not blue enough. Ps I apologize for the poor grammar i’m usually more thorough when I edit my posts but I’ve been at this for such a long time and I feel like Posting sooner than later...",0.9246,positive,ashamed 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry to hear about your struggle. It sounds like you have been through quite a bit. I can assure you, you are not alone. Not when it comes to being treated by the system. I just mean depression in general. I'm a grown adult and I can find myself falling into that same isolated cycle. Trust me, even if you get treatment, you may still feel the same. The system sometimes doesn't even work. Hell, it's designed to make you feel insignificant. It's really not your fault. Anyway, I'm quite shy myself but you're in school where you can make connections. I think you can benefit from a good friend. (If only it were that easy, huh?) If you're young who cares what they diagnose you with. Prioritize life for awhile. Since school has you down. Focus on what makes you happy. Talk to someone you normally don't. You know it's okay to fail right? TLDR: You seem cool. Fuck the system. Focus on yourself. Make connections.",0.9708,positive,sympathizing 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,3,"Thank you flow readiter Indeed fuck the system, how would you like to fix it? By the way I believe in school because it’s a promise of better future with greater opportunities. again thank you four your opinion it’s a great tool and in expanding my horizons.",0.9468,positive,wishing 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,listener_1,4,"No problem! What I mean by fail is, it's okay to fail at making good connections. NOT FAILING OUT OF CLASS. I re-read that like. ??????",0.7231,positive,angry 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,5,It’s ok That’s why readit is so great the pain of social rejection or missteps grammatical or otherwise is lessened by the anonymity that the Internet provides. Which makes for great practice for a person in need of social skills like me.,0.7892,positive,neutral 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,6,Sorry I was unclear I meant requested talks with therapist nothing happened.,-0.3182,negative,sympathizing 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,listener_2,7,"Are you in the US? If so, you can call any therapist and make your own appointment.",0.0,neutral,questioning 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,8,that’s the great thing about the Internet you are never alone no matter what You do. I would like and I will give you a more comprehensive answer later but it’s late...,0.6535,positive,neutral 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,9,FYI It’s not really anybody’s fault it’s just that they are underfunded,0.612,positive,neutral 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,10,No Sweden.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,listener_2,11,"Ok, then I'm not sure how it works there. Sorry.",-0.3098,negative,sympathizing 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,12,And I don’t know either I just know it’s free,0.5106,positive,apprehensive 2835,depressed,Not depressed enough for the systems,speaker,13,Don’t be sorry for trying to help,0.34,positive,sympathizing 2836,depressed,Idk how to feel anymore,speaker,1,"Hey y’all do i just need to put this down writing. So lately I’ve been dealing with some vivid flashbacks from various traumatic events that I’ve dealt with in the past 3 years. I’ve been trying to talk to my friends but I feel like I’m starting to annoy them because I’m not okay when I should be fine. I feel insane because every 10-15 minutes my world is out on hold because of these flashbacks. At this point I wouldn’t care if someone killed me, like I don’t want to kill myself but I wouldn’t be mad if someone killed me. And I know that’s bad to be thinking, but with the holidays coming up that are supposed to be filled with family bonding, I’m feeling more alone and outcasted than ever. Idk why I can’t just be okay, thanks for listening/reading lol.",-0.9574,negative,embarrassed 2836,depressed,Idk how to feel anymore,listener_1,2,"Im so sorry your dealing with that, if your friends are not listening and being supportive when you need it the most...it sounds like they're not really your friends, there is a discord server i am in that you can talk in and someone will try and help you/ support you and they do a good job, https://discord.gg/jQwjAM this is that server Theres another server im in thats just about meeting new people if you feel alone mabye this one would be better or good to, https://discord.gg/y6BFBA I hope you feel better :>",0.9562,positive,sympathizing 2836,depressed,Idk how to feel anymore,speaker,3,Thanks but that’s not my thing,0.2382,positive,sympathizing 2836,depressed,Idk how to feel anymore,speaker,4,No I don’t,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 2837,depressed,Well hello there,speaker,1,"This is the first time I’ve posted on this sub reddit so..yea So I was a happy child growing up until I hit high school, I lost a friend of mine in freshmen year,(she didn’t die but I realized she was very toxic) she will judge me on whatever I’ve done and whatever I’m doing and I couldn’t be myself around her. Sophomore year was amazing I made a nice group of friends for a whole year, but ofc I catch feelings for some guy that I’ve known since 8th grade and confessed to him, he didn’t feel the same back.. and my ex bsf started dating him. So I decided to stop catching feelings to people in general. Months later I notice my group of friends is falling apart, we use to hang out 3-4 times a day and now it’s once every couple of months, This caused me to stop feeling anything, stop feeling anything for guys, stop interacting with my friends, I became quiet and tried to push my friends away because I feel nothing anymore, no connection towards them, they see me as a friends but now I see them as an acquaintance. Here comes junior year, this year.. as if school wasn’t already enough I have problems at home too, there is so much screaming I have to use ear plugs and turn my volume all the way up, I can’t even have a conversation with my mom because one of my siblings starts arguing and my mom has to take care of the problem, whenever this happens I silently go in my room and.. well.. I punch myself.. there was one time I gave myself bruises from the head to the arms.. I don’t know how to feel anymore and I’m scared.. last but not least, my future.. I’m scared of my future, I’m taking CNA right now and I’m doing pretty good In it but the problem is, I don’t want to be a cna, I don’t know what I want to do in the future, Im not happy becoming what I’m going to college for (I’m taking college classes in high school), one more think sorry I know I said the last thing was the last, I hurt me knee, possible tore my acl a year ago, I keep popping it.. I popped it up to 3 times and I want to go to the air force in the future and I’m here crying because this knee is going to hold me back.. thank you for reading all of this, I know it’s a lot",0.4404,positive,surprised 2837,depressed,Well hello there,listener_1,2,Hmmm wanna chat? Sound like your going through alot and dont have anybody to vent to.,0.3612,positive,questioning 2837,depressed,Well hello there,speaker,3,It would be nice to chat :l,0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 2838,depressed,Today was great until it wasn’t,speaker,1,"I felt genuinely happy today for the first time in months. My mental health program that I go to is very supportive, and I couldn’t ask for better friends. But, I’m not allowed to speak to them outside of the hospital. So when I go home, I go back into the world of darkness and pain, where my best friend calls me selfish for trying to heal and my ex boyfriend stalks me just to tell me to kill myself because I’m not worth the air I breathe. Then there’s my overbearing mother who can’t even exhale without saying something about my grades, my weight, or my life choices. Then, when I finally have someone who can hang out with me and show me they care, they blow me off last minute and crush my heart. Earlier this week I was practicing writing suicide notes and my tears stained the pages. I just don’t understand why nobody cares about me anymore in my real life. The three hours I spend at the hospital every day aren’t enough. I can’t just go to this perfect friend group and then forget about them to readjust to my shitty life.",0.7399,positive,joyful 2838,depressed,Today was great until it wasn’t,listener_1,2,"Report your cyber stalker to the police, believe me you'll be happy you did. I used to be a stalker like your ex and she called the cops on me. I'm still doing community service but at least I'm not stalking anymore.",0.4767,positive,guilty 2838,depressed,Today was great until it wasn’t,speaker,3,Did you tell that girl to kill herself all the time ._.,-0.6908,negative,questioning 2838,depressed,Today was great until it wasn’t,listener_1,4,Yeah I did.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2838,depressed,I feel so alone,listener_2,1,"I don't have any friends after all these years of being alive. No one to turn to. No one for me to visit or to visit me. No one to talk to. I can't interact with people anymore. I can't get close to them or form actual relationships with other people. I just can't do it and I don't feel connected to anyone. I keep trying to force myself to feel like I have a connection with the people I see every day but it never feels real and it just feels like I'm not likable. I just hate myself so much and I can't actually change my attitude towards myself. I can tell myself things but telling myself things doesn't invoke different emotions in me. I don't know, I guess most people actually FEEL it when they tell themselves things, but that's only true for me when the thing is negative. My brain just doesn't believe anything to the contrary and so I honestly don't feel like I have any control over my mood. My whole life is just me sitting with these negative fucking emotions because it's too antisocial and destructive to actually freely",-0.9027,negative,lonely 2839,depressed,I’m so out of it I missed my own cake day :(,speaker,1,I can’t even find the will to type :(,-0.4404,negative,ashamed 2839,depressed,I’m so out of it I missed my own cake day :(,listener_1,2,"If it makes you feel any better, I've missed all of my cake days. I'm not even sure what they're for.",-0.0675,negative,ashamed 2839,depressed,I’m so out of it I missed my own cake day :(,speaker,3,"Is like your 1 year anniversary of reddit, 2 year etc etc",0.3612,positive,questioning 2839,depressed,I’m so out of it I missed my own cake day :(,speaker,4,What?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,speaker,1,Actually on entire reddit. You can scream for help all your want but with depression you're just fucked. There's no hope. Nobody cares. Nobody gives a fuck. It's because if you're too far gone there's nothing to save you so why waste any effort on losers like me. All there is to it is wait until the account stops posting and the inevitable has happened,-0.9812,negative,sad 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_1,2,"I like that nobody cares. It means you can post whatever shit u like. I have abandoned every other account where people knew who I was. And you don't post here and expect anyone to read it, let alone help you overcome the crippling depression!!! You post here to do just what you said; scream into the void. Because, when you do get saved, it will be because you were finally able to pick yourself up and realise that it is a fucking process and it will always remain a fucking process... It is never a single turning moment and it is most definitely not an anonymous user/post on the internet.",0.3333,positive,trusting 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_2,3,"I do agree with what you said. But on the flipside, there are people on here who are spending their time reading and answering posts because they genuinely care. Also, camaraderie with the words in a post can help them as well. So there are both sides- there is screaming into a void to get everything out and there is also sometimes someone there to hear you and answer. And you are also right that it is a process. There is no single moment where everything turns around. But you'd be amazed how many people have sent me messages over the years telling me how much my comment helped them, or encouraged them to get help, or made them rethink their situation, etc. I'm not saying anything revolutionary or overly insightful, but often it takes another point of view to give you new perspective or ideas. I've even become friends off reddit with some of these people and we keep in touch. So people can put in or take out whatever they want from using reddit. If it doesn't help, you are no worse off. Sometime just screaming into the void expecting no response but just to unload helps too. But people do care. And the reason they care is because they know the pain you are going through. You may be a stranger, but just like seeing someone on TV getting injured is painful for us to watch and you want relief to come as soon as possible for them, reading that you are in emotional pain evokes the same empathy and people want to offer what they can in hopes they can ease the anguish.",0.9735,positive,agreeing 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_1,4,"You are absolutely right. I just like to control my expectations. I learned that the hard way. For example, if I calibrate my expectations to be that I will not get help, recognition or solace from some place where people, who are probably more like me than anyone else I know, are essentially unaware of my existence, then I will not be utterly drained by that exact fact later on. But I do recognise that there are some chances for people to be human on the internet. After all, You've got mail used to be my favourite movie!",0.5533,positive,agreeing 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_2,5,"A man who worked for my dad for many years had a framed newspaper headline on his wall. It said, ""Hope for the worst and you'll come up a winner."" As pessimistic as it sounds, I think it's a great maxim to live by.",0.6369,positive,hopeful 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_1,6,"How ironic! I have been contently hopeless for a some time.. then I started today with working on a project that I have been putting off for a while, and by 6 pm enough progress had been made that I actually dared to hope I could finish it by the end of today. It is now almost 10 pm and I have just got back from dropping off my laptop to some tech support because the processor was suddenly fried! Hope is a cunning bitch.",0.555,positive,surprised 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_2,7,It doesn't exactly mean be hopeless. More just keep your expectations low.,-0.6249,negative,suggesting 2840,depressed,You're screaming into the void in this sub,listener_1,8,Oh. Ok.,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,speaker,1,"Hi everyone, You’ve all been a great help in the past so I hope I can ask you for guidance yet again. I’m not even sure I have a question I just need someone to pour my heart out to. For over a year I’ve been on sick leave, dealing with depression and stress and I’m still struggling, albeit I’m on mood stabilizers and doing a lot better. Sometimes I still get those depressed feelings but I’ve learned that most times (for me) they pass even though it may not seem like it. The stress however remains. I get overwhelmed a lot and for a while now I’ve been breathing very shallowly like there’s always a panic attack coming. Yesterday it was very bad. I sat in a coffee shop with a friend and as the place filled up, it was like I couldn’t “be” within myself. I wanted to scream. Still do really. Anyways, what might have triggered me yesterday was the fact that my case worked told me that they have “a deadline” for me being well again (from my doctor and psychiatrist) which is February 1st. So in January I’m going to be doing some internships so I can slowly work my way up to being able to apply for full time jobs and such again. And I’m scared. Scared of what’s to come, what’s next for me and if I’m strong enough to maintain work. The last job I had only lasted a month because I was depressed and stressed and it broke my confidence and self-esteem badly when I was fired. It was a shitty job so I’m glad to not be there anymore but a lot of my stress started from not being able to get a job in the first place. So to lose a job was heartbreaking. So I’m scared as mentioned. What if I’m still not able to find work? I’m quite shy, so I might not be the best in face to face interviews. And what if I’m not strong enough mentally to do anything? What if I’ll never feel truly happy again because I’m broken?",-0.9971,negative,trusting 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,listener_1,2,"Things are scary. Especially the world we live in, so its completely fine to be scared. Social anxiety is a thing that exists, so dont be afraid of the feeling of being uncomfortable around people. It happens or has probably has happened to the best of us and its completely normal for depressed people to feel it. The way to deal with this is, you could try and start going to small community sessions with less people and work your way up. Baby steps. Take small steps. As for the raised breathing or heart beats, its ok to feel on edge all the time but its very tiresome, or gets tiring after a while, so maybe tey and find something that allows you to calm yourself down. I've found that for me music works best. Mainly the lo-fi genre. In january when you start doing a job and such again, try and take baby steps. So something and tell yourself ""well done, you did a good job"" this way you appreciate yourself and encourage yourself to do more work. But remember to not over stress yourself. Maybe try and have soft music in the back. Take some more time off if you have to because without your mental health in the right place, your physical health will go down too, if it hasn't already.",0.9808,positive,apprehensive 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, it means more than you know to hear from someone else that everything’s going to be okay. I will try to listen to myself which I apparently haven’t for many years since I ended up here. I just hope my doctor and my psychiatrist will let me do things at my tempo. They’re great but it’s often easier to think that people are doing fine than it is to actually know. Fingers crossed everything will be fine.",0.9153,positive,trusting 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,listener_1,4,"I think the doctors and psychiatrist will agree that doing things at your own pace is better for your health. No one is expecting you to be at 100% immediately when you start work. Baby steps. Remember. One step at a time, or ifbits too much to take then half a step at a time. Too depressed to get out of bed? Remove your covers and put them back on top. Job done. Give yourself credit or appreciation for what you did. Then the day after remove the covers for either a longer period of time or if you are feeling a challenge that day, remove the covers and move your legs towards the floor. This is an example. You can apply that logic to whatever you are feeling is too hard to do but should not be.",0.5789,positive,proud 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,speaker,5,"Thank you so much for your encouragement. I had a tough time getting up today and when I finally did, I praised myself like you said. Baby steps.",0.8591,positive,grateful 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,listener_1,6,Well done! Thats great. I'm glad i was of some help.,0.9041,positive,acknowledging 2841,depressed,I’m scared of what’s to come...,speaker,7,You were much more than that!,0.0,neutral,neutral 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,1,Hey guys no one is wishing me on my bday.can you guys make it special?,0.34,positive,questioning 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,listener_1,2,Happy Birthday!!!!,0.7067,positive,wishing 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,3,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,4,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,5,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,6,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,7,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,8,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,9,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,listener_2,10,Or woman!,0.0,neutral,devastated 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,11,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,12,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,13,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,14,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,15,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,16,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,17,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,18,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,19,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,20,Thank you mate,0.3612,positive,wishing 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,listener_3,21,You're welcome. ^^,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,22,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,23,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,24,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,25,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,26,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,27,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,28,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,listener_4,29,Oh its my birthday too what a coincidence,0.0,neutral,surprised 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,30,Happy bday buddy,0.5719,positive,wishing 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,listener_4,31,"Happy birthday to you too man, dont worry i get how u feel too but it's not a big thing as long as you dont make yourself think it's big.",0.4684,positive,acknowledging 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,32,Thank you ☺️ No you are not late,0.5106,positive,sympathizing 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,33,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,34,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,35,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,36,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,37,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,38,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,39,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,40,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,41,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2842,depressed,Its my bday and no one remembers it,speaker,42,Thank you ☺️,0.6705,positive,grateful 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,1,"I got my braces off a few months ago and now have black triangles between my teeth. I've never had much confidence to begin with but now I can't even stand to look at my self in the mirror without getting angry. I truly hate how I look. And it turns out my bite wasn't fixed before taking my braces off, so now I have to get them again. Five years of my life in braces, just to get them on again. I'm going to be a 22 year old with braces. Awesome. The second braces could also make the spaces even worse. I was finally getting used to my smile and how I felt about myself. But apparently wanting half way decent teeth was too much to ask for. I don't think there's anyone who would find black triangles even remotely attractive. Why would any one want to look at something like that? And it's not like I have thousands of dollars to get it fixed. I've always had periods of depression, but I could usually handle them. They would come and go. But now it just seems like life is getting harder and progressively worse. This situation really pushed me over the edge, the depression is now more severe and lasts longer. Now all I really want to do is sleep. People always say ""It gets better."" but I don't know how much longer I can wait for things to ""get better."" I've even tried to get some help, but therapy didn't work.",0.8145,positive,angry 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry to hear all of this. I wish I had the mental capacity to address every one of your issues. If your partner cannot see past physical appearance and appreciate the beauty of who you are underneath, they do not deserve your affection. IMO love is about connection and less so attraction. I'm sure you are a very beutiful(or handsome) person. As they say, you are your worst critic. Please do not give up. Persevere and spread happiness. :) much love from one braces wearer to another ( I'm also 22!!)",0.9806,positive,sympathizing 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,3,"Thanks. I get that, and you're right I might be my worst critic. I just personally hate looking at them. That's true, appearance isn't everything. But I just want the other person to be happy with the way I look too, you know? Thank you for the kind words.",0.9144,positive,agreeing 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,4,I did look into those apparently they also cause recession.,-0.4215,negative,neutral 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,listener_2,5,At least get some second opinions. I'm not sure how you can have braces for 5 years and end up with large spaces between your teeth. But it's getting much more common for adults to wear braces. I was reading an article recently where the orthodontists were saying in the 90s maybe 1% of their patients were adults but now it's about 50%. You could also consider saving up for veneers instead of braces if that's an option. But it's going to come down to more about self consciousness than people actually looking and caring what your teeth look like.,0.7946,positive,suggesting 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,listener_1,6,"Appearance isn't everything but it is something. You could call me hypocritical for what I say. Dispite what I say I still want to look my best and I'm still concerned with other people perception of me. That being said... Intelligence is hot. Confidence is sexy, and all the attractive, internal features I fail to mention. Stay positive and positivity will find you. :)",0.9847,positive,confident 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,7,That makes me feel a little better. Thanks :),0.7885,positive,acknowledging 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,8,"I'll try to get a second opinion. It's because any movement of teeth causes some bone loss and therefore gum recession. The gums no longer cover the spot in between the teeth. Yeah, I heard something like that too. Veneers would require filling down my teeth and are way more expensive than braces. And my ortho will not charge for braces the second time around. I'm kinda forced to get braces again. Yeah i get that. I just really hate it. Its probably not great for my mental health when I hate looking in the mirror every morning.",-0.9336,negative,apprehensive 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,listener_2,9,"I know. I empathize. Just try to remember you are more self conscious than what others actually care about. But yes, I do understand it is hard to not like the way you look and it can take quite an emotional toll.",0.5722,positive,agreeing 2843,depressed,My teeth are ruining my life,speaker,10,"Yeah, I'll try to remember that. Thank you",0.5719,positive,acknowledging 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",speaker,1,"Well I met a girl about 5 months ago, I was chatting and spending time with her, I went on a party at her house 2 months ago , she was holding my hand and talking with me a lot and on this party I felt special first time in my life because of her behave , we were hugging and she wanted to do it only with me not with any one else , after some days I recognised that she was flirting with 3 other guys and now I fill like trash and depressed because I love her and she broke me , I started to drink alcohol, cigarettes, vape with liquids that have a lot of nicotine because that makes me fell relaxed , some friends are turning back on me and I think because of smoking all the time , I don\`t know what to do.",0.973,positive,jealous 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",listener_1,2,"That's sad to hear, I've had a similar experience with love and betrayal. I turned to cigarettes and pot after my hardships and have recently grown to regret it. There are very noticeable physical symptoms from long term nicotine use, not to mention the less noticeable mental symptoms. I understand that it feels good in the moment to indulge your self destructive nature. It feels familiar and predictable. It is best to catch yourself before you fall further into a hole of sadness. Personally, I allowed myself to fall further and further down my hole of self destruction and it is not good. Turn to whoever you have. Friends, family. Just try to maintain a positive mindset and appreciate the little victories in life. Best of luck in life. I hope you can find a path to happiness.",0.9135,positive,guilty 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",speaker,3,"Well I get good marks in school, have lovly family and some friends but I spent a lot lf time on her , I just can't stop thinking about her and why she did it to me",0.7079,positive,sentimental 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",listener_1,4,"Because people are assholes, especially at a younger age. Not everybody understands their actions have an impact or they simply don't have the humanity to care for their fellow humans.",-0.1531,negative,disgusted 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",speaker,5,"Yeah I totally agree with you, I should forget about her and care more about me , thank you for your time and wish me luck to get out of this shit",0.8498,positive,agreeing 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",listener_1,6,Yes exactly. And don't let it taint your perception of others. There are still some good people out there. Best of luck.,0.9153,positive,agreeing 2844,depressed,"Girl I love, nicotine addiction and maybe alcoholic",speaker,7,thanks man <3,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2844,depressed,Feeling left behind,listener_2,1,All day I’ve been sleeping and Fucking depressed. Nobody even wants to talk to me not even my own mom. She looks at me like I’m just a disappointment. My friend has left me on read for days and she doesn’t even give a Shit about me anymore like she used to. Like why bother reading the god damn text if you aren’t going to RESPOND. It’s like people only wanna talk to me during the week when they have problems but when it’s the weekend it’s like oh fuck you asshole you ain’t shit. So I’m feeling pretty left behind and hurt. The song I keep putting on repeat is left behind by slipknot cuz that’s my mood rn. I am done Venting.,-0.8240000000000001,negative,lonely 2844,depressed,Feeling left behind,listener_3,2,Hmm want to chat? I dont have anyone really to chat with this weekend.,0.0772,positive,lonely 2844,depressed,Feeling left behind,listener_2,3,Hello sure! I’ll message you now,0.3802,positive,acknowledging 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,1,I keep losing people. Everyone I meet vanishes or just blocks me. Why am I such a shitty person. Why can’t people just stay. I don’t get why they always lie and say they won’t leave BUT END UP FUCKING LEAVING. I’m going to self harm again because I’m just so angry and hurt I can’t stand another god damn minuet on this planet. I JUST TRIED TO HELP SOMEONE AND GOT BLOCKED IT MAKES NO SENSE NOW IM UPSET EVEN MORE,-0.9844,negative,angry 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,listener_1,2,I know how you feel angered at others and mostly yourself but write this stuff down i can talk with you even just please hang in there a bit.,0.2023,positive,neutral 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,3,I’ll try to keep thinking of a reason to stay,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,listener_1,4,Ill check back for your post every once in a while if you cant find a reason remember I'm always here watching over you!,-0.4753,negative,encouraging 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,5,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,6,Thanks for this man,0.4404,positive,grateful 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,listener_2,7,"How are you feeling now? I do hope you didnt do anything, it sounds strange but strangers are the best people to speak to. You will find they never judge, it friends and family that are the worst for it. I might no reply quick enough but I promise if you need to drop a message I will not ignore you.",-0.2996,negative,trusting 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,8,Hey I’m actually better. I listened to music watched YouTube and looked at memes it helped. Thanks for actually reading what I said and I agree with that completely. Thanks :),0.9296,positive,agreeing 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,listener_2,9,I am genuinely happy that you feel better. Memes usualy cheer me up to. I'm happy you find comfort in some things means we haven't lost you yet.,0.9521,positive,joyful 2845,depressed,I have to vent again,speaker,10,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,speaker,1,trying to convince myself that the pain is actually just extreme happiness and joy so i can make it through another day,0.7688,positive,hopeful 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,listener_1,2,You will. You’ve made it through a lot so far you can make it through more :),0.5095,positive,neutral 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,speaker,3, thank you so much for your kind words!,0.7345,positive,wishing 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,listener_1,4,No problem I try to make others feel better. I guess I do good aha. Anyways do you watch friends ? If not it’s a show from the 90s cuz ur username reminds me of phoebes song called smelly cat. Ik that was random but it’s funny,0.8566,positive,annoyed 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,speaker,5,hahahahaha yeah it's her song smellycat smeeellycat what are they feeding you,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,listener_1,6,I fuckin love that song,0.6697,positive,nostalgic 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,speaker,7,SAME!!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,listener_1,8,It’s so Fucking great and so is the show. I watch that show everyday. I binge for hours. I’m on season 7 rn. I’ve already watched all of them but it’s fun to rewatch ya know,0.8066,positive,joyful 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,speaker,9,"IFKR!! god l love this show, i relate to phoebe the most she's me on a whole other level",0.8715,positive,agreeing 2846,depressed,Will I make it through another day?,listener_1,10,I relate to chandler lmfao,0.5423,positive,jealous 2847,depressed,Sometimes I think my existence is a joke,speaker,1,"F18 I’m tired of feeling like this, like nothing is ever gonna change. I’m tired of my own existence at this point. I’ve been through enough shit to the point where I don’t want it anymore.",-0.5574,negative,content 2847,depressed,Sometimes I think my existence is a joke,listener_1,2,"Same here. But i feel like if i’m just buying things for myself it keeps me happy even just a little bit, music is HUGE relief too, better than people. Those are reasons why i’m here and my mom because i wouldn’t want her to go through something like my suicide.",0.9571,positive,neutral 2847,depressed,Sometimes I think my existence is a joke,listener_2,3,It’s a cruel 7.9 billion jokes and counting or whatever,-0.4215,negative,angry 2848,depressed,Disengaged,speaker,1,I had another one of those nights where my mind disengages from the rest of me as I drive home. Sometimes I find myself talking myself out of driving forever because I know I need to go home but I feel like if I had some time to just sit somewhere alone and get all the feelings I have for this horrible year out i could heal. I drown out the voices in my head and the pain in my heart by putting the music up as high as it can go the whole way home I figure if I can take in the lyrics it might distract my thoughts.,-0.9088,negative,lonely 2848,depressed,Disengaged,listener_1,2,"This was me tonight. I genuinely considered driving for a few hours until I ran out of gas. My ears are still ringing from how high I blasted my music, but it temporarily distracted me from everything.",-0.4767,negative,content 2848,depressed,Disengaged,speaker,3,Glad to know I'm not alone,0.5775,positive,lonely 2849,depressed,I hate myself for having a kink,speaker,1,"I feel like I don’t deserve respect and can never be redeemed because there is an indelible mark of disgusting wrongness imprinted permanently on myself as a person. My desires which are supposed to drive myself to do something beautiful instead it drives me to do something horribly disgusting. I feel like it does define me as a person. It definitely influences which interests I take up, it influences many decisions I make in my life like avoiding people out of fear.",0.1124,positive,ashamed 2849,depressed,I hate myself for having a kink,listener_1,2,"why? it's a thing that turns you on. everyone has their own thing. everyone hides it because it's weird to normal people. embrace that shit. lol trust me, I'm pretty weird with mine too.",0.5994,positive,agreeing 2849,depressed,I hate myself for having a kink,speaker,3,"I just feel like it’s indicative of insanity or a general brokenness and inability to function properly. I just don’t have any respect for myself as a result of knowing that about myself and I expect most people would feel the same, even if they said otherwise",-0.2023,negative,disappointed 2849,depressed,I hate myself for having a kink,speaker,4,"It’s not but it still makes me feel like a freak and makes it hard to respect myself, there’s something severely wrong with me and the way I think that I can never fix",-0.7351,negative,ashamed 2850,depressed,Suddenly i lost my source of strength. Someone i can talked to,speaker,1,"Everytime i feel depressed im always talked to him. He cared for me. But suddenly his acted like he disliked me. I thought that he is the right person to tell him all my dark thoughts or negativity. After that, i feel that everybody don't want to have anything to do with me. Usually im optimist. But now i felt that I've reach my own limit.",-0.1489,negative,sad 2850,depressed,Suddenly i lost my source of strength. Someone i can talked to,listener_1,2,"Maybe he's going through something rn, have you done anything to warrant him acting like this?",0.3612,positive,questioning 2850,depressed,Suddenly i lost my source of strength. Someone i can talked to,speaker,3,Maybe he's tired of listening to me. Because i just lay it all out to him. I let him hear all shit i went through. Of course it is drain him out,-0.7579,negative,ashamed 2850,depressed,Suddenly i lost my source of strength. Someone i can talked to,listener_2,4,"and maybe theres another reason. Could you send a message like hey, i dont want to bother you but ive noticed you distancing yourself and wondering if its anything ive done or if youre going through something i hope you know that im here if you want to chat or if theres something else that i could do BUT of course up to you and it could be something like that just open a dialogue to talk about it and if its not what you like just ask if theres anything you could do type thing but like idk trust your sensible instincts",0.9342,positive,suggesting 2851,depressed,these days I feel no satisfaction in things I do. so I stop doing anything. and then I feel bad for not doing a thing. does this look like depression ?,speaker,1,"hey, I really need to vent, it's okay if this gets ignored. these past couple of months have been really tough for me. I'm studying psychology and the more classes go on the more I feel this is all pointless and it's just time wasted for an unreachable goal. my teachers are researchers who teach how to become one too, but i don't want to spend my life doing research, and I'm so mad because they're supposed to teach you professional stuff too but they're not doing it. so my studies feel useless, meaning all the work I do feel useless, then I feel completely lost. I also can't stop thinking about worldwide problems and how it'll shape my future because it's all going to shit, it drains my mind to think about this because it is so sad but I still can't stop it. I've been trying to think about myself and my future and just me. yet it seems I'm incapable of stopping apparently. I don't know if this is depression or not but it definitely feels like something close to it. and I'm really scared. I'm really scared because I would feel so weak and horrible if it were true. yet I really need to know because I can't go on in the dark like this for longer. gosh sorry this post is a mess. TL;DR : I feel no satisfaction, anything I do feels pointless, I'm completely lost and scared that nothing I do will ever matter. it all feels close to depression but is it really ?",-0.9974,negative,angry 2851,depressed,these days I feel no satisfaction in things I do. so I stop doing anything. and then I feel bad for not doing a thing. does this look like depression ?,listener_1,2,"it definitely sounds like some level of depression is happening. your feelings are common with depression, theres a saying that goes some thing like "" depression is the biggest liar"". it can produce strong negative emotions and thoughts like that. but those thoughts and arent true. and the feeelings are deceptive. loss of interest in things youre usually interested is a big one. im struggling with it too.",-0.6595,negative,agreeing 2851,depressed,these days I feel no satisfaction in things I do. so I stop doing anything. and then I feel bad for not doing a thing. does this look like depression ?,speaker,3,okay. thanks a lot. good luck to you too.,0.8658,positive,wishing 2852,depressed,Sleep Schedule so fucked up always,speaker,1,Is here anybody who has really fucked up sleeping schedule? it's 8:30am and i'm still up. i woke up at 7:30pm so i'll stay up another 12h and then go to sleep.,-0.6901,negative,questioning 2852,depressed,Sleep Schedule so fucked up always,listener_1,2,"Yup. I usually sleep around 5-7am and wake up around 2pm everyday... but since I started school though I’ve been pulling all-nighters basically every other day because if I don’t I’ll never wake up on time for school / I don’t see a point in sleeping for only an hour or so (which will only make me feel worse). It’s fucking annoying to deal with, and no matter how tired I am I still have such a hard time going to bed. :(",-0.9555,negative,annoyed 2852,depressed,Sleep Schedule so fucked up always,speaker,3,But i mean staying up really really late and not sleeping lol,-0.4585,negative,neutral 2852,depressed,Sleep Schedule so fucked up always,speaker,4,What kind of work you do? Something heavy? :/,-0.4137,negative,questioning 2852,depressed,Sleep Schedule so fucked up always,listener_2,5,"I used to have a hard job, now I can’t complain. It all started my second year in the military. I’ve been out for almost 5 years. It’s a compilation of that and traumatic experiences...so this is life.",-0.765,negative,content 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,1,"So two months ago I said to myself that i'm being weak and that i'm pathetic for being lonely and feeling sorry for it without changing anything. So I started to try to meet people in order to make some friends. I tried in person and online and the result was the same. People talk to me for 5 minutes in average and after this they ignore me. I tried telling them jokes, fun facts, and small talk in order to keep them engaged in conversation. I even tried talking to people that have the same interest as me. The result was the same. After 5-15 minutes, during wich they kind of want to talk to me, they ignore me forever. So after this experiment the conclusion is simple: I am destined to be alone forever. So who is interested to be friends for another 5 minutes can send me e message. I will make those 5 minutes worth your while. Thanks for reading",0.843,positive,ashamed 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_1,2,"First off, congrats, you are the first person (besides me) in this community who is actively trying to improve, instead of a nonstop rant about their problems. Secondly, sure want to talk with me?",0.7269,positive,questioning 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,3,"Yeah, why not?",0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,4,And what are you doing about it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,5,"Well, I am used to 5 minutes friends. This is how things were for my whole life",0.6369,positive,content 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,6,That is sad,-0.4767,negative,sad 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_2,7,Nothing man i just cant do anything abt it and now im tired of trying so being alone thats what im doing.,-0.6344,negative,lonely 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,8,You may be right. I may not need a family or friends. I may not need anyone. I just sometimes feel the useless need of talking with someone,0.0772,positive,lonely 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,9,Maybe we don't need friends or family. Idk,-0.4504,negative,suggesting 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_2,10,Yeah but try to keep yourself a but close to family idk just a thought coz i have been doing it means i dont talk to them much but still i talk them only the hard part of being alone is feeling loneliness if you dont feel lonely then yoi can be alone,-0.7082,negative,neutral 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,11,They are a toxic family. I don't talk to them,0.0,neutral,faithful 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_2,12,Thats sad man you are seriously dealing more shit then me .... Just msg me man if you ever feel like talking like whenever you want to talk just msg me please we can help each other i think,0.1548,positive,acknowledging 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,13,And besides even if I try they just know how to insult me,-0.5106,negative,angry 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,14,I should probably work at a call center too lol,0.4215,positive,suggesting 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_3,15,Yep. I have a friend who seems to be interested in me only when i’m up. I mean that when i’m feeling good. i feel like she don’t want anybody to see us together anywhere because i have been without social life couple years i don’t know so i don’t have anything going on for me and that seems to be HUUUGE turn on to people. lol. I’m so used to my low self esteem so i don’t really care that much.,0.9552,positive,jealous 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,16,I feel so pathetic for needing friends or family. This is useless,-0.6642,negative,ashamed 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,17,So people in general are fake?,-0.4767,negative,questioning 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,listener_4,18,The ones I came across were fake,-0.4767,negative,disgusted 2853,depressed,Are some people destined to be alone forever? An experiment done by me,speaker,19,maybe i should pretend that i'm someone else too haha,0.3818,positive,suggesting 2854,depressed,I’m Lost and I Hate Myself,speaker,1,"I’m a 16 year old female and i hate so much about myself. My insecurities consume me every single day and hold me back from doing things i want to. I have wanted to hangout with people and canceled or just not made plans because i feel too ugly to hangout and put myself out there. People say I am not ugly but i am close to them so i bet they’re just saying that. The very few friends that i have, are more attractive than me. i grew up being in the background while they got flirted with. Im just the nice person thats only friend worthy and not interesting. I dont see myself opening up to anyone romantically because of my insecurities interfering. I desperately want to lose weight im 5’1 and 150 lbs thats fucking ridiculous especially when people say ohh youre not fat, yeaa. right. I kinda have a binge eating problem and a huge craving for sugar. All i do is go to school (feeling hyper aware every second of the day about my insecurities and what people think about me) come home, watch youtube/netflix, play minecraft, do hw, get a shower and sleep. On the weekend, usually nothing. I smoke but it gets sad that i have no friends who smoke. tldr: im a lonely insecure fuck who doesnt have a life or friends or plans for the future or motivation. someone please talk to me, ill listen to your problems as well.",-0.8779,negative,ashamed 2854,depressed,I’m Lost and I Hate Myself,listener_1,2,"Have u seen any episodes of MrBean? If u did, what have you observed? Try to be like Bean. Enjoy your own company and fvck what other thinks. Also try to start loving yourself. Simply giving importance to your health and change your old habits little by little. You could also list all your Blessings and Try reading it day by day. Find something what you love doing and put effort and time to it. Eventually you'll forget what you don't have and be thankful for everything. Last Advice, try watching ""Yes Theory"" its a Youtube Channel where it promotes Self Love and to Seek Discomfort. I know your already in deep Sh*t right now (I've been there) but trust me if you won't start the change now it'll be more harder tomorrow. There's a saying that says ""Change what you cannot Accept, and Accept what you cannot Change"". I've been trying to live by this saying almost a year now. And honestly it helps a lot. God Bless you young Human and please Don't forget to smile :)",0.9853,positive,grateful 2854,depressed,I’m Lost and I Hate Myself,speaker,3,"thank you so much for your kind response, i will look into mr bean and the yes theory, i have heard of them both but i will look deeper into it if it may help me reform my mind set some what. god bless you aswell :)",0.9565,positive,wishing 2854,depressed,I’m Lost and I Hate Myself,speaker,4,thank you that gives me hope for the future. i think ill go into community college because thats kind of all i can afford but well see. i need new friends that actually care about me also. appreciate your response:),0.9473,positive,acknowledging 2855,depressed,I wrote this to myself while I was high. Can anybody relate? P.s. I use the word 'wizard' metaphorically.,speaker,1,"Believe everything that you are about to read. You are a wizard and you have to start approaching life this way. You keep getting depressed because you keep defaulting to superficial agendas. You know what you want. You know what is 'right' for you. You want to be a noble. You treasure honor and if you were to become a legend it's because you deserved it through honorable effort💪. Comparable to the knight metaphor fighting to his death in defense of his honorable king, nation, and family. You are intellectual and savvy assume your knowledge. You have a child's naivity. Assume it. Be not embarrassed for it is innocent. You have a lazy streak. Fight it. At this rate, you will die wishing desperately that you had done more. You don't need a desired ending place, you just need to make things happen. Get the gears moving. Make your mark on Earth's history. Put your talents to use. I know you feel unhappy, but is it really worth it to not do the right thing?",0.6043,positive,trusting 2855,depressed,I wrote this to myself while I was high. Can anybody relate? P.s. I use the word 'wizard' metaphorically.,listener_1,2,Man wtf why do I find myself so much in this? Well said wizard,-0.3453,negative,questioning 2855,depressed,I wrote this to myself while I was high. Can anybody relate? P.s. I use the word 'wizard' metaphorically.,speaker,3,🧙,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2856,depressed,Raging Inside,speaker,1,How to shout and release all anger without anyone hearing it?,-0.5719,negative,questioning 2856,depressed,Raging Inside,listener_1,2,Pillows and blankets. After that find time for the gym. I’ve found it’s a great way to release all that crap even the sad energies.,0.0772,positive,content 2856,depressed,Raging Inside,speaker,3,Thanks a lot. I really appreciate that you've comment in this. Its been a while and the sadness is really compiling inside.,0.4576,positive,sympathizing 2856,depressed,Raging Inside,speaker,4,Thanks a lot.,0.4404,positive,wishing 2856,depressed,Raging Inside,listener_1,5,"Been there. People always say it can get better especially if you work on it. It takes so. Much. Damn. Work. And even then after a couple years there’s no guarantee. I finally just got to the point I had to choose. Actually choose to die or fight. You may compare yourself and where you are to others and think they’re better than you for having an easier time at some of the simplest things in life and you can barely manage that. But if they were in your situation would they do so well? I hate metaphors and cliches, but that rage can be put to use and even directed. Try experimenting with some stuff and give it time, it could take three weeks to get used to something three months or even years. Just make a choice buddy it’s your time to waste/spend.",-0.8557,negative,jealous 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,speaker,1,"My friends have been encouraging me to try weed they say it makes you happy, should i come to their house and try it?",0.8807,positive,apprehensive 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,listener_1,2,"For me personally this is just for me I have tried so many meds and they either made me feel like a zombie,I have felt like jumping out my skin,I've felt super jittery,and other bad effects. I quit them all together. I smoke weed. Yeah I still get depressed,and deal with other illnesses. But I've found that when I get the right strand it does make a difference it tones it down a bit. Before I ran out I was actually feeling nice. Then some shit happend and it was like a snowball effect and running out of weed made it worse. Basically what I'm trying to say is weed may work for some and it may not work well for others. Just like meds. I know some people who do well on meds. It depends on the person.",0.5467,positive,grateful 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,speaker,3,I appreciate it lad.,0.4019,positive,sympathizing 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,speaker,4,"Well i knew they were doing weed, which makes them happy and considering my life is pretty garbage right now i dont care if i do weed, hey at least it aint cocaine,ketamine and that other stuff, and considering i have so much guilt built up it be great to get it off my chest for a bit of time before i hits me then my life is shitty again. and to let you know im a junior in high school.",0.6698,positive,neutral 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,listener_2,5,"Personally I would try holding off til you are a bit older. You want to be in a mindset where you aren't going to become dependant on weed to escape every time you feel shitty. That's where the danger comes in. But no, what this other person says isn't true. It is not a gateway drug and there are not a lot of studies saying it is. Most people who try weed or even smoke it regularly do not go on to try harder drugs. I don't personally smoke it but I had plenty of friends when I was younger who did around me. And the idea was for enjoyment once in a while. The same way people drink. But when you become dependant on either as a coping mechanism, that is when you've crossed into a dangerous territory. So telling you to never do it with scare tactics is really not effective. That's as effective as abstinence education. Instead, if and when you decide to try it, remember that it should not be used as a way to deal with your problems.",-0.8199,negative,apprehensive 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,listener_3,6,I was in your situation back then too man life gets better after high school trust me you don’t want to do drugs now if you get caught and get that on your record. In a year and a half you’ll be starting college and life will open up many new adventures for you. I’m 22 and at my high school drugs were an issue and almost everyone who did them started doing worse drugs and now around 7 of them have passed on. If you start weed now and say it’s not bad the same will happen as other drugs are suggested. It’s not a boomer mentality when people say it’s a gateway drug there’s been more than enough studies to show the dangers. I believe in you that you’ll be able to find better ways to cope and that your life will get better,0.882,positive,agreeing 2857,depressed,Should i try weed?,listener_4,7,>smart people don’t do drugs ... okay boomer,0.2263,positive,neutral 2858,depressed,2019 a year of losses,speaker,1,"I felt like I needed to type this down to remove some weight on my shoulders.I fell inlove, then i lost her. Lost my best friend because of that same girl. Lost my gains in the gym becausei had no appetite for what happened. Started disconnecting and not engaging with my family because everything I say i know theyll use it against me. I lost the will to live and had suicidal thoughts but here I am. Lost some of my friends because of trust issues within our group. Lost trust in everyone I knew because of that reason. Started losing care for myself, to the point where i started smoking to ease my mind. Lost my interest on my favorite hobbies. I Lost my genuine smile. I lost alot this year, apart from some things that remained. How about yours?",0.9369,positive,ashamed 2858,depressed,2019 a year of losses,listener_1,2,"Hey. Keep trucking. I know it's cliché but things do get better. I recommend seeking help. I'm living a depression and I'm finally feeling better when I thought everything was hopeless. I swear, take baby steps. You'll make connections with new people when you least expect it. I got my hand on your shoulder. You got this.",0.8807,positive,faithful 2858,depressed,2019 a year of losses,speaker,3,I hope that 2020 will be better for everyone. Thats what I said a year ago but here we are. LOL,0.8271,positive,consoling 2859,depressed,Never be too happy...,speaker,1,"This is what I've always told myself. It seems like every time life starts to go well and I feel okay, I get a reminder that it's not. For the past few weeks, my guard was down. Everything was going well and I had no reason to think anything could go wrong. I was an idiot. I had a car collision today. Had the car for two months, first car I ever had. Insurance won't cover repairs unless I give $2,000 up front, which I don't have. Lack of a car means I cannot start the new job I was supposed to start tomorrow. I wasn't hurt, but it's hard to be thankful for that right now. I don't want to see 2020. I don't want to see tomorrow. Never get your hopes too high. Something can always go wrong and something will.",-0.5015,negative,embarrassed 2859,depressed,Never be too happy...,listener_1,2,That's sad to hear man I haven't gone through shit tbh so I wouldn't know how to comfort you,0.3235,positive,acknowledging 2859,depressed,Never be too happy...,speaker,3,No bus goes far enough. I'd have a take a two-hour walk from the nearest train station.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,annoyed 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,1,"What’s the god dam point to be alive. I ain’t living and living scares the crap out of me because I’m afraid I’m going to fuck up and ruin so many peoples life. I feel like I should just die so no one has to get involved in my life ever again because I know they don’t need me around I do care for them and that’s why they should be keep at a distant so they can’t get hurt by me, the further away they are the happier they be. They don’t need me around and they don’t deserve a person like me in their life. I’m a worthless fool who deserves to die a painful death. In the end they will be happy without me because they won’t be burden by me no more. I know so many people will be happier without me because I have ruined so many peoples life by being around them. I want to fall asleep and die. My family would be much happier without me because I cause a lot of problems for especially since I have anxiety. I get scared of people touching me and I don’t like no one to get too close to me because I don’t want no one touching me. If I had die my family will be happier off without me and they will be able to lead a good life without me in it. Yeah people may say that killing my self is selfish but I have nothing to live for. Life ain’t worth living there no joy to anything. Yeah I get brief moments of happiness when I distract myself but I can never escape for overthinking my thoughts that I’m worthless useless and not worthy to be alive. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m scared of living because I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to me in the future and death doesn’t scare me because once u die u have no worries. I just don’t see the point in breathing. In life u die along and why shouldn’t I do that now because it be better for everyone. I’m an idiot who doesn’t deserve to be alive",-0.9926,negative,terrified 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,listener_1,2,Why are you being so hard on yourself. Come on. Idk if this makes sense but dont care about other's feelings when you know you feel like shit. First off be happy and then try making them happy otherwise your just living for them a sad life.,0.058,positive,sad 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,3,No. Used to go to college just stopped going dk if I’m going to head back. I don’t fit in there and a outcast and everyone seems happier without me there,0.6124,positive,lonely 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,4,"I gave it a try before but I gave a shit attention span so I couldn’t stay focused on it and gave up, but thanks anyways",0.3291,positive,neutral 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,5,"I do help others and I’m glad I have helped them but in the end u can prevent the inevitable. If that person I’m trying to serve has giving up hope and they say they are fine even though ik they aren’t there’s nothing I can do, but sit with them and listen to them. But In the end that’s delaying the inevitable.",0.9032,positive,faithful 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,6,"Why make life enjoyable when u know u can die at any moment. Once ur dead u are dead and that’s something I like because once u are dead, u don’t have to worry about nothing ever again. No overthinking, no anxiety and no thoughts about u being worthless.",-0.9524,negative,content 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,listener_2,7,"Well then that's a sad, pathetic way to live. And we have no idea where we go when we die, so make the most of what we have.",-0.8957,negative,consoling 2860,depressed,Why live when we are born to die. Life is meant to make us suffer,speaker,8,Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry u feel like there’s no point in living but u got this. Thank u for the offer to dm u I appreciate it,0.8524,positive,sympathizing 2861,depressed,Anyone else want to die but not want to kill themselves out of fear of the consequences?,speaker,1,Because fucking sameeeee,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2861,depressed,Anyone else want to die but not want to kill themselves out of fear of the consequences?,listener_1,2,what consequences?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2861,depressed,Anyone else want to die but not want to kill themselves out of fear of the consequences?,speaker,3,Religious and social after death,-0.5994,negative,faithful 2862,depressed,Hope can really kill you,speaker,1,"I don't know. I wish I could suppress the feeling of hope that I occasionally get when things start to be better. You know, that feeling when you start a new job, meet someone new. There is that slight spark of maybe this time... I'm tired. That's happened so many times. It's not even worth it to me anymore. I just want to be neutral. Not even happy. Just neutral. No spark but also no unhappiness so that when hope doesn't work and ends in the worst way I can atleast be neutral. And preserve my sanity . I don't even want to be happy anymore. I just want to be sane",0.7927,positive,hopeful 2862,depressed,Hope can really kill you,listener_1,2,I've always said: Hope is a four letter word.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 2862,depressed,Hope can really kill you,speaker,3,Hope you're better now. Speaking just for myself I am fed up with the low,0.5719,positive,consoling 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,speaker,1,It sucks,-0.3612,negative,acknowledging 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,listener_1,2,It really fucking does 🤦🏾‍♀️,0.0,neutral,neutral 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,listener_2,3,Imagine that person to fall in love with someone they met through you and wouldn't have if not for you.. that shit breaks,0.1531,positive,sentimental 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,speaker,4,Felt that,0.0,neutral,jealous 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,listener_3,5,I want someone you can meet at off of here or was another one of your chatting places you told me the new the only love you have for the one did he do something already does he not wake up and say good morning like I always done did he just he not message you first if he make you wait a minute or did he go help his daughter I'm sorry you just guess shit on her because maybe he has something he has to do for just a minute what does it mean if you don't fucking love you or care Maybe,0.8082,positive,suggesting 2863,depressed,You ever fall in love with someone you cant have,listener_4,6,"You stopped saying the good nights & good mornins when you disappeared for 3wks knowing you was around folks that had phone's, one excuse after another, what really happened in them 3 wks cause when I asked you snapped & said it was in the past, was it that bad, drugs, girls or men, one of the 3 happened, yet was all my fault, come on what really happened?",-0.4404,negative,neutral 2864,depressed,Dam life isn't looking like its gonna be all that good. But i guess I'll keep walking. Even with all these cuts,speaker,1,Is it worth it though? I dont know anymore,0.2263,positive,questioning 2864,depressed,Dam life isn't looking like its gonna be all that good. But i guess I'll keep walking. Even with all these cuts,listener_1,2,If you wanna talk i'll be here. :),0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2864,depressed,Dam life isn't looking like its gonna be all that good. But i guess I'll keep walking. Even with all these cuts,speaker,3,Thanks I appreciate it but I'll be fine,0.6124,positive,sympathizing 2864,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_2,1,"Hi, I’m Adam, I have adhd and anxiety, I am not sure if I am depressed or not because I haven’t been diagnosed with it nor gone to get it diagnosed. A lot of the time I lock myself in my room and I don’t really feel anything at this point, and although I’m told people care about me and love me I don’t feel the care or love, not even from my own boyfriend. It’s gotten to the point where I literally clean to try to distract myself, today I cleaned my whole room because I didn’t want to think about people not caring. It worked for the time that I was cleaning but once I was done I had nothing to do but listen to my thoughts, and I cried a lot after I was done. Do I have depression or am I just being stupid?",-0.8763,negative,lonely 2864,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,2,It’s ok to be to yourself. Loving yourself is all the love you need. We forget that sometimes.,0.8555,positive,sad 2864,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_2,3,How do I remember that,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2864,depressed,Am I depressed?,listener_3,4,Do what makes you happy. That’s literally all that matters.,0.5859,positive,faithful 2865,depressed,I honestly don’t have anything going for me anymore.,speaker,1,I let everyone down. I’m a massive fuck up to everyone around me. Getting drunk or doing drugs can’t make me feel good anymore. It was my only escape from my shitty life. At the end of the day I have no one to go to but myself and I absolutely fucking hate myself. I don’t want to be alive anymore and have to deal with being miserable knowing that nothing will ever change.,-0.8981,negative,ashamed 2865,depressed,I honestly don’t have anything going for me anymore.,listener_1,2,"You do. It may not seem like it but you do. Try something different, like volunteering. Sometimes helping others can distract us, but also, you will feel better. I know that when I’m feeling like the world is against me, when I help others, I feel a little better. Sending you hugs and lots of love :)",0.9868,positive,caring 2865,depressed,I honestly don’t have anything going for me anymore.,listener_2,3,>:) :),0.4588,positive,acknowledging 2866,depressed,What i really feel.,speaker,1,"I live for about 19 years now, but as i get older, im slowly dying. The inside of me are coming to its end. Im broken but im to tired to fix myself and just let my self consumed by the darkness inside me. No one notice, i want them to, no matter how hard im trying to maskmyself i want someone to notice that im falling into the deep abyss . Im toring apart, my bones and my flesh, hurts and the inside of me are burning, im in pain, i want this to end.",-0.9725,negative,sad 2866,depressed,What i really feel.,listener_1,2,I completely understand how you feel. I’m experiencing the same thing. I saw my dr yesterday and she is going to switch my antidepressant. Maybe u need to go on an antidepressant or try a new one if you are already on one.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2866,depressed,What i really feel.,speaker,3,"Sadly, im not in any medication and i havent reach out to a professional yet.",-0.4356,negative,neutral 2867,depressed,Just got diagnosed with depression,speaker,1,"Hi, New guy here. So I just had a session with a psychologist who after some sessions diagnosed me with depression. I have been feeling very sad and that nothing is right in my life except my family. I am going to start CBC next week but I have no idea how and if that will work. I really hope that it will, I am so sick of feeling like this. Dont know if anything I do mathers anymore and I should be in bed by now but I am affraid of all the thoughts that might come and keep me up all night. Not sure what I wanted with this post, just sharing I guess.",-0.2538,negative,sad 2867,depressed,Just got diagnosed with depression,listener_1,2,"Thank you for sharing. I understand how you feel, I was diagnosed with depression at a young age. I'm glad to see that you want to get better. The hardest part for me was taking the first step towards getting help. Keep trying, NEVER GIVE UP! My inbox is always open if you want to chat, or just straight up vent. 🙂",0.9287,positive,caring 2867,depressed,Just got diagnosed with depression,speaker,3,"Thx, I hope to ride out this storm without too much damage to my job or my realtionship with my wife whi I have told everything about what i am going through. I want to as open as possible about my issues. Any experience about that? Is it good or bad to be open?",0.7957,positive,trusting 2867,depressed,Just got diagnosed with depression,listener_1,4,"Be open about it. You don't have to go around telling everybody but in my experience, talking to friends and family has helped me come to terms with how I am. Alot of jobs have mental health aid, it's worth talking to your HR representative. You're very fortunate to have a wife there for you in your time of need. Be 110% honest with her.",0.9454,positive,trusting 2868,depressed,Is this depression???,speaker,1,I made an account just for this cause I need some advice so please help me. I cant tell if im depressed or just crazy so heres the situation: Sometimes ill cry and then ill realize im crying and my body will just stop crying. Like my face relaxes and I stop feeling things at all. Just staring blankly like I wasn’t balling my eyes out seconds ago. Sometimes I try and make myself cry cause I want to feel things and get them off my chest. But them I shut down again and feel like a fake person. Like a robot with a mistake in its programming. like I cant even feel my own emotions right anymore.,-0.6014,negative,sad 2868,depressed,Is this depression???,listener_1,2,"I'm a bot, *bleep*, *bloop*. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit: - [/r/selfharm] [Is this depression???](https://www.reddit.com/r/selfharm/comments/e3778k/is_this_depression/) &nbsp;*^(If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.) ^\([Info](/r/TotesMessenger) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=/r/TotesMessenger))*",0.7476,positive,annoyed 2868,depressed,Is this depression???,speaker,3,what?????,0.0,neutral,questioning 2868,depressed,Depressed,listener_2,1,"I can barely eat and all i do is sleep. I dont think i want to die, im scared to die, but every second im in such emotional pain i dont know what to do. I dont know what to live for. Ive been sitting in my bathroom the last few nights just looking at all my sleeping pills and wondering what would happen if i took them all. Idk what i want, i want to live but i dont know what im living for bc it hurts.",-0.924,negative,sad 2868,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,2,"Its an issue of willpower. Use all your strength to get up and force yourself and I do mean force yourself to do something you enjoy when your not depressed. Your gonna hate it. In fact you will probably distaste it so much you will wonder what's the point. If you don't give up and you continue forcing your brain to concentrate on something, anything, that is not the dark damp thoughts it will start to forget. A wondering thought may reappear but force yourself not to stop continue and eventually you will notice you feel a little better. Its hard. It will be really hard . The brain under a depressed state likes to over exaggerate. Force it to clear and it will slowly stop keeping you down.",0.5718,positive,disappointed 2868,depressed,Depressed,listener_3,3,If its not to much to ask. What is keeping you down? Doesn't have to be specific. Loneliness? Heartbreak? Loss?,-0.8677,negative,questioning 2869,depressed,Just keep scrolling,speaker,1,The day I die will be a great day no more stress no more anxiety and my family will finally be happy too get rid of such a waste of oxygen and just a waste of fucking space I feel awful 24/7 and I'm just miserable no matter what. I don't want ur pity or empathy,-0.7615,negative,sad 2869,depressed,Just keep scrolling,listener_1,2,mind if i join?,0.29600000000000004,positive,suggesting 2869,depressed,Just keep scrolling,speaker,3,Sure !,0.3802,positive,agreeing 2869,depressed,Just keep scrolling,speaker,4,Idrk that for u too interpret,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2870,depressed,"First love, we’re on a break, I’m low af",speaker,1,"I feel so down. There’s this sense of profound wrongness, deep in my gut. But it’s not up to me. I bought luggage, lingerie and I wanted us to finally have our time together...just us, but he has no time for a relationship now. This important for his career. I love this man; I was prepared to move across an ocean for him, at his request. Now he doesn’t know if he loves me. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety, and up until recently I’ve been better. But now I’m so low I can see where I was before medication. I do not want to be there again. And I’m having trouble. I’m heartbroken.",-0.7842,negative,sad 2870,depressed,"First love, we’re on a break, I’m low af",listener_1,2,"Hey! Everything is going to be alright! You have my word on that. Treat this as healthy time to focus on yourself, to prove to yourself you can conquer this, and that even if things aren't working now, doesn't mean they won't later on!",0.8061,positive,faithful 2870,depressed,"First love, we’re on a break, I’m low af",speaker,3,"You’re right, self-care is the name of the game. And thank you for the kind words.",0.7096,positive,agreeing 2870,depressed,"First love, we’re on a break, I’m low af",listener_1,4,You're very welcome! And if you ever need to talk just send me a chat!,0.5963,positive,acknowledging 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,1,"My friends know I have depression among other mental issues. Every time they sit down with me, they ask about how things are going. I used to be honest and open about how my mental state was, but it was often met with extreme concern and the constant “you should talk to a professional.” I am talking to professionals. I am getting the help I need. I am doing better, but I still feel sad and empty a lot. I’ve recently started hiding those feelings because people expect me to be better now that I’ve reached out to the right resources for help. Sometimes I let someone know how I really feel, but they give me a bewildered look and I play it off as an exaggeration so that they don’t think I’m crazy. Does anyone else do this? Is anyone else frustrated that people are so unwilling to acknowledge that you can be sad most of the time?",-0.2523,negative,sad 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_1,2,I know I do :(,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,3,We can be sad together. Woo,0.0,neutral,sad 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,4,"That makes sense. I have one friend who will ask how I am sincerely. If I say that I am sad, he will just sit with me and we do our own things in silence. It’s honestly the best treatment.",0.8859999999999999,positive,trusting 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,5,I try to focus on smaller victories like drawing a flower that I think looks good or learning the lyrics to a song. I feel like it helps me as I wait for time to help,0.9042,positive,hopeful 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_2,6,"Until then, try and be kind to yourself. Everyday we make it through is a success, even if we can’t see it. I know it sounds trite but, have you thought about getting a pet? They bring an awful lot to your life.",-0.2144,negative,caring 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,7,I have one friend that really gets it and he is definitely a life saver,0.7096,positive,agreeing 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,8,"Yeah, it’s painful. Please don’t kill yourself though",-0.6249,negative,consoling 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_3,9,I’m so sorry for your loss. Grief is very hard to deal with when added to depression. I hope you can find some friends and family that acknowledge you are grieving instead of making you pretend you are ok. No one should expect that from you after such a huge loss. My heart goes out to you and I hope you can find some relief.,-0.048,neutral,sympathizing 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,10,"I’m sorry to hear that. I hope things get better for you. You’re not the only one trying to figure it out, so maybe we can stay strong together",0.8316,positive,consoling 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_4,11,I have thought about getting a pet but my mom dislikes the idea of a dog or a cat or any other creature in the house roaming around. Shes very cautious.,-0.6798,negative,afraid 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,12,"This is good advice. I can’t afford a pet right now, but it is a goal of mine as long as I feel like I could support another living creature",0.8294,positive,caring 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_5,13,I won’t. No worries. Just venting.,0.3252,positive,content 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_4,14,"If i had free time i would like to pick up drawing again cause i used to enjoy it very much in school. Learning lyrics of a song wont go that well cause all i have are negative thoughts and songs, so i'll probably be learning depressing lyrics about being worthless and how i miss my old carefree life.",0.0222,neutral,nostalgic 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_6,15,U have a good friend there don’t let that friend go. Having someone sitting with u when u are down shows that u aren’t as alone as u think u are. It shows people care for u and u do matter. So u got this don’t give up keep fighting and keep living,0.8442,positive,faithful 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,16,I agree wholeheartedly. I like this community because it is confirmation that I’m not alone in my head.,0.6946,positive,agreeing 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_2,17,"That’s a real shame, maybe you could work on her, subtly. Or maybe something in a cage? Animals really do enrich your life.",-0.4767,negative,suggesting 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,speaker,18,Drawing is easy because it requires very little expertise to get started on. I highly recommend it even if you don’t think you are good. I don’t ever show my work to people because it’s mostly a me thing. I really like songs that sound sad but have encouraging lyrics. I can listen to them without feeling annoyed and at the same time be encouraged by their message.,0.9289,positive,trusting 2871,depressed,Does anyone else hide their sadness?,listener_4,19,"I know how it feels like to have a pet. My friend has a dog and he tells me about how that dog saved his life, as at some point in his life, she was the only thing he looked forward to. Its a great feeling to have someone look after you and/or you look after them. I had a wonderful time when i had someone. Now i dont. This is getting deeper and deeper as we go along.",0.9501,positive,caring 2872,depressed,I’m a failure. Haven’t done fuck all with my life because I don’t see the point,speaker,1,"There’s no point to life we all are going to die no matter what so who cares if I die now than later. No one will care because people never really cared for u. They say they do care but in reality they don’t. They use u, manipulate u and toss u away like trash once u have out used your purpose. To other people I am unimportant useless worthless piece of crap. If i die no one would bat a eye because they be extremely happy without me around because I have caused so much problems for everyone. I self harm and people hate that because they are afraid of what will happen to u and they are scared that they can’t help u. They try to stop u by trying to understand but they don’t. Nobody can really understand how ur feeling because they aren’t in ur head with ur thoughts. Ur thoughts are telling u that u are worthless and people don’t need u around because they will be happier without u around. That is true. People who know me would be better off without me because I cause problems because of my anxiety and that drives me crazy then I feel alone which just proves to me that I need to die because if I’m alone in this hell of a world why not die because no will know ur care. Then there’s these thoughts of worthless that are about because I’m worthless and a waste of air. This is true because I’m 19 and I still haven’t accomplished anything in my life. I’m still in college failing badly can’t get a job because I have a brain injury and I have never had a relationship and it shows me how far I am behind everyone who is the same age as me. Everyone else are progressing with their life while I’m stuck in my head wishing I had die back in 2016 because after that accident my life has turned to shit. I’m just not the same person anymore and I don’t feel alive. I’m not living I haven’t lived in 3 yrs. I’m a shell of a person. I’m just living for no god damn reason. I have no aspirations, no dreams I want to accomplish. I have nothing. All I want is to die because when that happens I don’t have to pretend to live no more and finally I be gone for good.",-0.9972,negative,sad 2872,depressed,I’m a failure. Haven’t done fuck all with my life because I don’t see the point,listener_1,2,People still care and you matter ❤,0.8176,positive,agreeing 2872,depressed,I’m a failure. Haven’t done fuck all with my life because I don’t see the point,speaker,3,Thanks for saying but it don’t feel like that. I’m alone have no one and will not have no one. But thanks for saying so. Have a good life,0.873,positive,neutral 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,speaker,1,Took antidepressants for a bit. Recently went off them. Home for the holidays and I’m spiraling. It might be withdrawal or over sensitivity but I feel so fucking alone. Always up too late and i feel terrible.,-0.7689,negative,lonely 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,listener_1,2,Hey,0.0,neutral,wishing 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,speaker,3,Hello,0.0,neutral,wishing 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,listener_1,4,How you doing?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,speaker,5,Shit :(,-0.7579,negative,disgusted 2873,depressed,Anyone free to talk tonight... please,listener_1,6,Just let it out man just tell us how you feel,0.0,neutral,questioning 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,speaker,1,"So I basically hooked up with a lower batch in my school. He's really nice and all i thought we were going somewhere you know like some serious shit then what happened was that after we'd done itike a day after he said he wanted to talk and remain fridays. I started cutting myself cause mom saw the hickey ln my neck saying that I'm easy to get and the reason why no one stays is because I'm too easy. She also told me I'm a slut and stuff. Anway, idk...I'm getting addicted to cutting again must be because of the traumatic experience with my ex. Any help?",-0.5729,negative,embarrassed 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_1,2,"I really gotta start this cutting thing, apparently it’s all the rage these days",-0.6399,negative,confident 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,speaker,3,Cutting on the wrists.. Something u don't want to do.,-0.1833,negative,afraid 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_1,4,I’ll take your word for it,0.0,neutral,trusting 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_2,5,"I used to cut pretty often. The scars on my wrist are one of the first things people notice when talking to me. It's not worth the temporary pain, no matter how tempting it might seem. It helped a little in the short run, but if I didn't start going deeper and deeper until it got extremely unsafe, it didn't help at all. Basically an addiction. Self harm IS an addiction. I've started using other methods of self harm to cope when things get really rough. Cutting is definitely not the way to go.",-0.9182,negative,ashamed 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,speaker,6,22.,0.0,neutral,proud 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_3,7,"As an ex cutter dont dig yourself into a hole. Dig yourself out of it be resilient. I'm pretty sure you are, and your mom has no right to tell you what you are. Dont let labels from anyone define you.",0.5106,positive,confident 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,speaker,8,Am i just used by this guy? I never felt emptier than this :( my ex cheated on me which was theast time k felt empty...he wants to stay friends tho but u know idek what to do..we've been friends for like 2 years now.,0.7656,positive,lonely 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_1,9,"You should try drugs, solves all your problems baby",-0.1531,negative,hopeful 2874,depressed,Started cutting again,listener_3,10,"I think a clear response to your question is to tell him how you feel and let him know that you want something long lasting and romantic or that you have feelings for him, and dont want a friends with benefits thing. And if he wants to stay friends, stay friends but keep your distance to get over him, and if he tries to pursue you for some friends with benefits type thing tell him you dont want that. Theres nothing worse than going through a friends with benefits when your the one emotionally attached while the other does as they please(partying meeting other potential lovers)",0.9826,positive,questioning 2875,depressed,I'm finished with everything.,speaker,1,"I'm just about ready to go off into a forest, build a house and just live in isolation for the rest of my life. I am sick of this society and its stupid bullshit. I am genuinely considering moving into an isolated cabin somewhere and just living off the land because every day I live in this world is torture.",-0.9509,negative,afraid 2875,depressed,I'm finished with everything.,listener_1,2,"Honestly, if I could have Internet, heat, and food; sounds kinda awesome. Need access to kindle and Netflix/Hulu, and I’d totally be a hermit in the woods.",0.7787,positive,content 2875,depressed,I'm finished with everything.,speaker,3,"Definitely. Hot water, fast internet, access to food and water are musts. Put an Xbox in there and give it Netflix and I'd go any day.",0.4019,positive,agreeing 2875,depressed,I'm finished with everything.,listener_1,4,We could be hermit neighbors! Meet you on xbox live!,0.0,neutral,excited 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,speaker,1,Hi everyone. I have a question. Sometimes in the night i really want to cry but i cant. Does someone know why is this like that?,0.4455,positive,lonely 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,listener_1,2,"Just listen to the suitable music and u will eventually cry, I rarely cry so I understand you , and when I do it's just dropping some tears not actually crying, but I gues bettee than nothing.",0.0139,neutral,agreeing 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,speaker,5, Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2876,depressed,Cannot cry,listener_2,6,"Hope you feel better, or rather something really, It's a battle, really, doesn't end soon, music and shit might help in the short term, but the point is to never give up",0.1326,positive,consoling 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",speaker,1,"Thanksgiving, I lost my best friend. She screamed at me saying how she was sick and tired of me and that everything I've done for her didn't mean shit. I'm still reeling from a harsh breakup that led me to try to commit suicide (he told me to kill myself and wouldn't stop stalking me until I did something to hurt myself). And tonight, one of my friends accused me of lying about being sexually assaulted, and lying about the reason my ex and I broke up. I felt so betrayed and I blocked her. My family members either don't know about my suicidal ideation, or don't understand why. My extended family outside the household also doesn't know I'm bisexual. And I know they wouldn't support it. They're always talking about how excited they are for me to settle down with a guy and have kids. And I despise children. I've been fucking a girl to try to distract myself from everything, but now I've become a numb robot and I can't feel a damn thing other then depression. I have no hope left. I want to kill myself and I want to do it soon. And no matter what people say to try to convince me not to, it doesn't seem like a good enough reason. Life is a bitch, and it's not worth it for me to stick around. I'm going to die soon. And that's all I look forward to nowadays.",-0.9928,negative,devastated 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",listener_1,2,if you kill yourself the rest of your life will be pain and sadness forever until the end but if you give yourself one more chance you can be happy or at least not in this shit hole you are righ now I dont know If It Will help but i almost Lost a Friend last year and he Said that his almost final moments was the worst seconds of his life english is not my first language so sorry if i wrote something wrong,-0.8957,negative,sympathizing 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",speaker,3,"Thanks... you didn’t write anything wrong, and I’m sorry about your friend. But nobody in my real life cares about me and I don’t think they ever will",0.705,positive,sympathizing 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",listener_1,4,I dont know about your life but i really think someone cares and even If nobody cares the only one who really need to Care about you is yourself and right now you are not doing this,0.9336,positive,jealous 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",speaker,5,"I've been sticking around for years in hope of something good to happen, but it never does :(",0.7192,positive,disappointed 2877,depressed,"It's not worth it [Female, 15] [Advice/Support Needed]",speaker,6,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2878,depressed,Can I just sleep and not wake up?,speaker,1,"I’ve made lots of mistakes in my day, but this one really is harassing my thoughts as of late. When I was a senior in high school, I was very interested in this one woman, let’s call her Melina. Her and I were talking very often, hanging out every day, and seeing movies and stuff as friends. I was genuinely happy with her and just be with and around her, no sexual stuff required. A few months after we started, it got around that we were friends and hanging out. A conniving bitch, lets call her Lucia, who was madly obsessed over me for some reason, decided to start harassing Melina. She would come up to her in between classes and just plain insult her, she would call her “whore” on Facebook, it was some really toxic stuff. After a little time of that, Melina told me she was getting depressed and feeling all kinds of sad stuff because of it and that people weren’t talking to her anymore. I made the executive decision to make a deal with Lucia that I would stop talking to Melina if she would cut the shit, to which she happily agreed. So that was that. I stopped talking and hanging out with her and she wasn’t harassed anymore, the posts were taken down, etc. But the one thing that was making me happy was now gone because I’m a stupid, honor-bound idiot who thinks that promises are more important than being happy. This was 3 years ago. I’m almost finished with college. She is now married and we haven’t talked since. I still think about her. Fuck me",-0.9468,negative,faithful 2878,depressed,Can I just sleep and not wake up?,listener_1,2,"Dude, you are an amazing human. Not many people would sacrifice their happiness for someone else like that. Wow It isn’t too late to reconnect. Reach out, see if that girl ever bothered her again. Let your friend know that the bully made you stop taking to her, or the bully was going to keep harassing your friend. Apologize for not telling her and ask to be friends again.",0.8834,positive,questioning 2878,depressed,Can I just sleep and not wake up?,speaker,3,"I feel like that would hurt me more than help. Even if she forgave me for just cutting ties, she’s still married and I would be tantalized by what I can’t have. I can’t hang with her everyday and watch movies. What I did might have been better, but to her, I just disappeared when she was getting sad. I abandoned her, when she needed me most. I’m ashamed.",-0.9206,negative,guilty 2879,depressed,What's up guys,speaker,1,It's your boi a big mess and a disappointment. Has a low chance or no chance for someone to like me that's why I have no crush. People think low about me and people remember me by my mistakes in life,-0.8072,negative,ashamed 2879,depressed,What's up guys,listener_1,2,I fee you. You got a ps4?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2879,depressed,What's up guys,speaker,3,No,-0.29600000000000004,negative,afraid 2879,depressed,What's up guys,listener_1,4,Ah. I thought we’d play together.,0.34,positive,suggesting 2879,depressed,What's up guys,speaker,5,Well I play on mobile,0.5423,positive,neutral 2879,depressed,What's up guys,listener_1,6,You play Gwent?,0.34,positive,questioning 2879,depressed,What's up guys,speaker,7,No what is it?,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 2879,depressed,What's up guys,listener_1,8,It’s a card game from cd project red based on the Witcher series. It’s pretty good,0.7269,positive,impressed 2880,depressed,I am unworthy.,speaker,1,"I am such a failure. No one cares about me. I don't have any close friends and I kept dissapoint my family. I didn't achieve anything I life. I jynx uni, my colleagues hate my guts. I just didn't see the point of living anymore. Oh and did I tell you that I am a gay muslim. Sure, I have some friends that I meet during class but that's it, no random chit chat, no hangout session, no tea spilling, none. Nobody cares about me. People don't ask me how I am, how am I doing, I'm alone in life. Being a gay muslim is sucks. I'm obviously in the closet, if I'm out I'm about to get disowned or possibly punished to death. I failed my studies. It's depressing how I used to be a bright child with big hope and dreams,. But now I'm very depressed and felt underachieved. All my peers are thriving and living their lie adulting hile I'm over here weeping over my miserable ife. Honestly I dot see the point of living anymore. God knows how i love my family,but my parents expectations really take a toll on me. I have to be successful in order to make them happy. I listen to them when they told me to take Engineering in uni bt I hate it so much. Everyone knows what they're doing while I'm struggling to even choose a formula to use. And the fact that they hates me makes it worse. I don't see myslef as an engineer. And yet if I don't, my parents would be dissapoinnted. Sometimes I wish they didn't give birth to me seein how much of a dissapointment I am.",-0.9817,negative,lonely 2881,depressed,Im a failure,speaker,1,I just failed out of my graduate program. I have absolutely no idea what to do. I feel like such a failure. This honestly feels like the end of my life,-0.1513,negative,devastated 2881,depressed,Im a failure,listener_1,2,How much debt and over-qualification did you just avoid tho? Maybe it's better this way.,-0.2023,negative,suggesting 2881,depressed,Im a failure,listener_2,3,For myself I find that it helps planning out your days such as in a planner. That way you have things to look foward to and feel a sense of accomplishment when you complete it. You can put stuff like cooking a meal or going to the gym. I know it's a tough time right now but you'll push through! If you need anyone to talk to you can message me. Best of luck :).,0.9245,positive,hopeful 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_3,1,"I want to die but I’m too big of a pussy to kill myself so I’ve decided that the best thing for me to do is stop taking my meds, untreated kidney failure shouldn’t take long and I’m going to stop eating as well.",-0.8873,negative,faithful 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_4,2,"It's your life. You can choose death or life. I'm ready to die myself, but I'm not allowed to commit suicide.",-0.9141,negative,apprehensive 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_5,3,What you mean you’re not allowed,0.0,neutral,angry 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_4,4,Don't want my grandparents to beat me in the afterlife :p,0.1969,positive,hopeful 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_5,5,You just don’t have it in you to kill yourself just like me but i guess it’s better than to be dead,-0.6369,negative,neutral 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_5,6,There’s no afterlife,-0.29600000000000004,negative,sad 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_4,7,Lmao I'm more scared of my dead grandma than actually dying. I loved that woman to death.,-0.5563,negative,terrified 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_5,8,Yeahyeahyeah,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2881,depressed,Ready to die,listener_4,9,Ok fine I have to force myself to endure the hell I've created. That's why I cant suicide my way out.,0.457,positive,disgusted 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,speaker,1,"I don’t think it makes sense for me to hate myself for it, but it just feels so wrong and like I’m worse than everyone who doesn’t do what I do. I can’t even express how much I feel this has ruined my life. I am afraid of people, I feel so disgusting and inferior compared to everyone else and I avoid relationship, friendships and opportunities because I don’t want to get close to people and have them eventually find out.",-0.964,negative,ashamed 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,listener_1,2,"I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I can honestly say that I’ve had thoughts in the past that I’ve had but not acted on. I think one of the biggest things that helped me was figuring out what caused me to have the thoughts. I realized that a lot of it was exposure when I was little and a show that I was watching in later years and then delving deeper into finding out more...just out of curiosity. It took about six months for the desire to go away and now I’m completely repulsed by anything to do with it. You’ve been dealing with yours for years so I can only imagine that it’s going to take therapy to help you, but it is possible. If it’s illegal I’m sure it makes it that much harder to come out and tell someone. Hopefully you can make peace with yourself and try your best to remove yourself from exposure and find a therapist that you can trust. There’s online therapy as well if you can’t bring yourself to facing someone face to face.",0.9739,positive,neutral 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,speaker,3,"My desires predate ever having heard of porn by nearly a decade, they stem from child abuse. I actually don’t even look at porn anymore. I only like to engage in it in real life, porn bores me",-0.3818,negative,angry 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,listener_2,4,"I see. Sorry, my bad to assume anything. Sorry for what ever happened to you... Although I miss-guessed, that doesn't change what I said. Honestly, I don't like the whole: ""everyone is perfect"" mentality; but everyone, no matter how perverse and creepy you are, everyone is worthy of trying to get better. I am trying not to be preachy. Sorry if I failed. Just felt like I needed to tell you this. I am telling it just as much to myself as to you.",0.3578,positive,sympathizing 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,speaker,5,I just don’t believe I’m worthy of it or that it’s even possible to get rid of the desire. I can make myself miserable avoiding the action but I can’t remove the desire,0.5499,positive,disappointed 2882,depressed,I hate myself for being a pervert,listener_2,6,"I just now saw this little talk. It's not about being a pervert, but it did make me think about > I just don’t believe I’m worthy of it or that it’s even possible to get rid of the [whatever bad thing] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H02YcexnEqc&ab_channel=TEDxTalks",-0.4678,negative,disgusted 2883,depressed,Lost in this existance,speaker,1,"Im 22, and I went through rough times when I was a teen, I felt like killing myself before, but not like this. I think that if someone pointed a gun to my head, I would smile and say ""go ahead, you would be doing me a favour"", because now I feel like I wouldnt have a problem with dying. And to be honest, the only reason I am still here is because of my sister who is 3y younger than me, just started college, and I dont want her going through life knowing her brother killed himself, I love her and I know she looks up to me... On the other hand, I failed my college, had to find a job... I cant express myself the way I want to because of the comunity, and I cant seem to find people who I can relate to... I end up with my emotions alone in 3am crying in the pillow, and then crying more when I remember that I do not have anyone to call that would make me feel better... The only person in this world that made me happy I managed to drive away from me by being a moron to her... A retard who didnt know how to listen and thought he was always right... I cant stop dreaming of her... 4 out of 7 nights I dream of her, the other 3 nights I dont remember my dreams because Im either drugged out of this world or so drunk I forget even my dreams... And every morning I feel so empty without her... I start every day with those feelings and the pain of knowing I fucked up SO MUCH in my life... The worst part being about my love... My life sucked even when I was with her, but when I was with her I felt like I could go on through anything, because I had her next to me... But I was so blind, and I didnt see how I was efecting her with my mindset... And before I realised what I've done, she left me... I have been like this every day for full 4 mounths now and I can safely say I am depressed... I see no way out, I feel caged into existance and I want to kill myself but not hurt my sis and my family... I hate this...",-0.9859,negative,trusting 2883,depressed,Lost in this existance,listener_1,2,Well Damn bro. I know how you feel but killing yourself is NOT the key. What does that do? What do you accomplish in doing that? If you keep on feeling like that you should tell your family or go to therapy. Get yourself some help. Sitting around in sadness and self-pity doesn't help anything,-0.5018,negative,angry 2883,depressed,Lost in this existance,speaker,3,"ty for the reply Well I still find reasons to live, and I keep telling myself that I can turn things around But the emotions and the feeling just keep building up, and some days I just cant take them anymore",0.4767,positive,devastated 2884,depressed,End,speaker,1,"Really wanting to do it, but I don't have the guts to do so",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2884,depressed,End,listener_1,2,"Man don't do it. Nothing good comes out of it... At all and I don't know you but there's somebody out there that does and if you leave this world think about how they would feel having to know that you killed yourself. Remember, this is coming from somebody who doesn't even know you, I'm just a stranger and If I care this much about what happens to you, God knows there's another person who cares more than I do, so don't do it for the sake of everyone who still loves you",0.8293,positive,agreeing 2884,depressed,End,listener_2,3,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2885,depressed,Am I destined to be alone?,speaker,1,"I had coffee with a friend who I not only ever told that I really liked her awhile back, and she starts pouring her heart out to me about her current crush and how it’s failing horribly. So I have to deal with that, and as the icing on the cake, I find out that my current crush, who I knew wasn’t interested in any relationships, is apparently interested in someone. I just feel like such crap. For context I have been in no significant relationships because either I or the other person break it off so quickly, and I just wonder what chance there is that I will actually find someone that makes me really happy and not settle. I’m 20 btw, I know I’ve got time but like what’s the point in time if you can’t spend it with people that care about you? Which leads me to my next problem, I have like no friends. People see me and they avoid me, because of I don’t know what. People tell me I’m “amazing” and then subsequently never talk to me. So I don’t know what to take away from this whole situation I find myself in.",0.8579,positive,disgusted 2885,depressed,Am I destined to be alone?,listener_1,2,I also have to initiate every convo and it makes me think “so these people really want to talk to me?” Maybe they just feel sorry for me cause they absolutely **never** start it first :( I’m 16 btw a little young but it still hurts,-0.7143,negative,apprehensive 2885,depressed,Am I destined to be alone?,speaker,3,"I’m relieved to hear I’m not the only one but it does really suck that we’re in the same boat on this one. You ever need to talk about it, lmk.",-0.5407,negative,lonely 2885,depressed,Am I destined to be alone?,speaker,4,"Dude, literally my situation in a nutshell. It really feels like some of us are meant to be better for the people that these people date, because we’re actually conscientious of what we do and how it impacts others. Ever need to talk about it lmk",0.6887,positive,trusting 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_2,1,"Hey um i don't know how to start this but here we go... Im Trent im 13 I've been feeling so down and i think im depressed my family is going through a custody battle, my sister hates me my mom hates me dad my teachers hate me i think no one cares for me i just want sombody to care i wanna die i feel like my parents use me against each other i just wanna die im Christian and im very much doubting god i just wanna kill myself i started cutting myself i thought it was stupid then i started i sometimes push hard and just drag it across as deep as it will go i seem normal to others but really i struggle so much grades family and just well love help me i want help i don't wanna kill myself i was thinking about it and decided to do a last attempt at help. Im sorry i didn't really use grammar",-0.9778,negative,sentimental 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_3,2,"I promise your parents love you. Divorce is just so tough you can’t imagine how sad your parents are right now. Your parents have known each other and loved each other for longer than you’ve been alive, and when that goes bad it’s easy for the hate between them to feel like it’s directed at everybody else. I’m sure your mom and dad’s friends feel like your parents aren’t happy with them right now too. Your mom might have snapped at her friend, or your dad may have stopped talking to his friend. But it’s not their friends’ fault your parents seem so angry at them. And it’s not just you who feels like your parents hate them. The way your parents are acting is not because of you. It’s because they loved each other so much that losing their marriage is probably the toughest thing they’ve ever had to go through. And it sounds like this custody battle is the toughest thing you’ve ever had to go through. You need to talk to somebody about your feelings soon. You need to tell your mom or your dad or even just a counselor at school. “I’ve been really upset about my parents, I feel like they hate me, and I’ve been hurting myself.” This sentence will take a lot of courage but your parents need to hear how their behavior is affecting the people they love the most in this world, you and your sister. Because I’m sure they don’t know how bad they’re hurting you and they’d change if they knew.",0.0886,positive,faithful 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_2,3,Thank you i will try and gather the courage to tell my counselor.,0.6908,positive,neutral 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_3,4,"Good luck. And maybe practice saying that sentence or write it down. Your goal with your guidance counselor is to tell them the main problems first before you guys actually talk it through. So before you have a conversation with them, you want to let them know all 3 things. 1) You’ve been upset about your parents. 2) You feel like they hate you. And 3) you hurt yourself. If you leave out any of that stuff your parents might never change the way they need to change, and you might never get the help you need so you can feel loved again. It’ll be tough, but it’ll be worth it. Because your parents do love you. I know it’s hard to see right now. But they do.",0.7796,positive,suggesting 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_2,5,I'll try my best. Thank you that's all i can say i can't thank you enough,0.6798,positive,wishing 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_3,6,Wish you the best. Good luck buddy,0.9153,positive,wishing 2885,depressed,Help me,listener_2,7,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2886,depressed,I'm only 17 and feel like my life is over...,speaker,1,I just want life to be over it doesnt seem worth it anymore not a single fuckin good thing has happened to me. I'm failing school. I feel like shit all the time while every one else is just so fuckin happy. Drugs dont work alchohol neither. I'm close to just ending this shit tbh. Does one have any advice for me? Anything,-0.3719,negative,lonely 2886,depressed,I'm only 17 and feel like my life is over...,listener_1,2,Why do you feel like your life is over?,0.3612,positive,questioning 2886,depressed,I'm only 17 and feel like my life is over...,speaker,3,Idk it just feels like theres nothing left like I've already failed in life,-0.5122,negative,content 2886,depressed,I'm only 17 and feel like my life is over...,speaker,4,Yea I feel u about the school part that seems to make it worse. thanks for replying man,-0.0516,negative,acknowledging 2886,depressed,I'm only 17 and feel like my life is over...,listener_1,5,"It seems like at the time but you’re young and you have your whole life ahead you of you! We all feel like that sometimes, you are not alone my friend",0.4515,positive,neutral 2887,depressed,I’m sad.,speaker,1,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I suffer from high social anxiety and have no friends, so I can’t talk to anyone really. I have a great family who loves me, but I feel if I say to them that I feel this way they might get upset and worried. My life just seems to be getting worse and worse. I never happy. I kinda wanna die, but I can’t do that to my family. College is killing me and my teachers keep on shout at me for my attendance. I just don’t see the point anymore. I’m trying so hard but everything seems to get worse. I want to go to the doctor but I’m too scared. I don’t know what to do??",-0.9919,negative,lonely 2887,depressed,I’m sad.,listener_1,2,"Go to the doctor. ASAP. Tell them exactly how you feel. Listen to them. When they refer you to a mental health professional, go. Tell them exactly how you feel. Trust them. You’ll get better with time, therapy and maybe meds.",0.7351,positive,trusting 2887,depressed,I’m sad.,speaker,3,"Okay, thank you for your advice☺️",0.7506,positive,neutral 2888,depressed,I'm fed up.. again.,speaker,1,"Hi, after a long break, (if anyone even cares anymore), I'm completely done out here. I've got everything I want, a house, a family, you know, all the basics - but not happiness. As common as it sounds, my fat, shameful, lazy self can't keep a straight face anywhere at any time, when their are people busy fighting for their country, kids dying, adults dying, you know, people who are in worst situations than I am. And the worst part is there's no one else to blame, (lyrics not intended), I mean, you guys can ignore my posts and do whatever you want, but I'm tired. tired of being cared about, of pretending and licking myself up in toilet cubicles and bathrooms curled up on the floor crying until my eyes are about to burst open for almost no reason at all. I have no idea why people dislike me, or even care about me, no that any of that matters to me anymore, so here I am, lonely me, currently locked up in some dark room listening to music and whatnot, writing all this shit for almost no reason at all because no one reads it anyway, as much as you can try and make someone feel better. Thank God I've got this extra day off, or else I would've broken, even worse, killed myself off with shame. There's no need to pretend you care, people. I'll just write this here, expecting, and not expecting, any comments, not to guilt - trip anyone, (I've been told I do that a lot :( ). Sometimes it's better to not want help than say anything at all.",-0.9974,negative,ashamed 2888,depressed,I'm fed up.. again.,listener_1,2,"Uh......who the hell is telling you you're faking it, or even worse, HORMONAL?! I'd smack a bitch for saying that. ""I'll show you hormonal!"" Ok, in all seriousness. It's very cliche for people to tell you that there are people who have it worse. It's their way of silencing our ""bitching"". Though it is a way of making us sometimes feel more grateful for what we have, it's a temporary gratefulness. Just because you have it better than others, it doesn't mean your feelings and emotions should be discredited. It's not your fault someone else was dealt shitty cards. So don't ever discredit your feelings or let anyone else discredit them. You just need a plan - acknowledge them, then address them (your feelings). I don't think you're faking anything - something's up. Message me if you want to vent in detail. Or no detail. Whatever you want. You don't need to put anything on blast that you don't want out there. It's a no judgement zone with me. I am also pretty experienced and wise and I have a sense of humor, so that's a plus.",-0.8727,negative,angry 2888,depressed,I'm fed up.. again.,speaker,3,Thank you so much. I'll be sure to msg you whenever I feel the need too.,0.5859,positive,wishing 2889,depressed,Sleep is good because I can past time faster and no people to bother me,speaker,1,Do u guys feel like u are living but aren’t living at the same time. What I mean is that u are just existing and nobody notices u or gives a fuck if ur around because ur nothing. I wake up feeling like there’s no point to me living my bed because no one is going to bother to say hi. I’m just a waste of space and I’m planning on ending my life next year. I don’t see the point in being here. I can’t do nothing I’m worthless and if I did something I probably do it wrong anyway. I just don’t have any effort to do anything no more. Waking up everyday feeling like shit is horrible. I want to die in my god damn sleep so there wwon’t be any need for my mother to wonder why I ended my life. I have tried putting myself out there but I can’t do it because I can’t stand social interaction it gives me anxiety and I hate feeling people staring at me. I wish i didn’t have no family so I could die any time without worrying about any consequences that may come from it. Does anyone just sleep excessively just to have the day/weeks/months past by faster and so u don’t have to do needless social interactions with people who don’t care.,-0.9874,negative,lonely 2889,depressed,Sleep is good because I can past time faster and no people to bother me,listener_1,2,"i feel you, im on my couch all the fucking time. watching netflix, youtube, tiktok, going on reddit. anything on my phone really. i have no life and no real friends and i hate my life but it is so frustrating to change it when you have all these things holding you back. i hope things get better for the both of us",-0.4349,negative,lonely 2889,depressed,Sleep is good because I can past time faster and no people to bother me,speaker,3,I hope things do change for u. I’m not much for of a conversationalist but if u want to chat about stuff hit me up. I will answer straight away unless I’m sleeping. Have a nice day bye,0.8151,positive,encouraging 2889,depressed,Sleep is good because I can past time faster and no people to bother me,speaker,4,Yeah I understand that. Less hassle and no social interaction at all,0.0679,positive,agreeing 2889,depressed,Sleep is good because I can past time faster and no people to bother me,listener_2,5,"#### Snoos Against Suicide and its creator love you. If Jeffrey Epstein didn't kill himself, neither should you. Suicide is **NEVER** the answer, getting help is the answer. #### Here are some people who can help: US: 1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline * Call 1-800-784-2433 * [Online Chat](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx) 2. Suicide.org 3. Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 4. LGBTQ+ * The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 * Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 International: 1. [Suicide.org International Hotline List](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) 2. International Suicide Prevention: Call 702-743-4340 This message was automatically sent due to the detection of possibly suicidal language [source](https://github.com/max-niederman/snoosagainstsuicide) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=srcircle) | [about](http://snoosagainstsuicide.maxniederman.com) P.S. Ignore me completely if there was no suicidal intent or it was just a joke.",-0.597,negative,apprehensive 2890,depressed,Why do I feel this way,speaker,1,"My life isn't that bad but sometimes I just feel so alone, empty, and wish it would all end. Just hate change, hate not knowing, and dont understand why I randomly feel this way. I hate my anxiety and I hate always feeling down.",-0.9752,negative,lonely 2890,depressed,Why do I feel this way,listener_1,2,"When I feel down I try and express that, through drawing or playing some instrumet or just listening to music... When Im extremly downed I write my thoughts down, keep a sort of ""diary of my dark thoughts"" It helps",0.5267,positive,nostalgic 2890,depressed,Why do I feel this way,speaker,3,Happy hearing I'm not the only one but also hate you have to feel it too,-0.5719,negative,jealous 2891,depressed,why this life,speaker,1,"i has a happy kid at one point i was i thing 7 or 8 when my grandpa died best grandpa i have ever had. i remember that he took me and my brother in the mountain and we where on a four wheeler and we got off the four wheeler and he said he was going to take a piss and me and my brother heard the four wheeler me and my brother said oohh that mother trucker and at this time i think i was like 5-7 i didnt want to get out of bed because well no one likes school and my grandpa got up to god knows what he was going to do and then he had a stroke they said and he fell on the corner of the dresser and he hit his head and we called the cops they didnt help and i live in New Mexico and im in Sandoval county Sandoval was not answering i was in cuba new mexico and so we called Rio Arriba county and they came fast as they could they came with a helicopter and air lifted him to their hospital and he was dead 3 months later and that was my first time being depressed. 2nd time being depressed was bad i was 11 or 12 i was in 5th grade my mom was pregnant and she told me and i was happy and my depression was finally calming down. well i was in school it was last period my teacher which is my cousin Ms. lovato called me saying you sister was just born and lets skip 3 months later OK now i was at the hospital to see my sister at like i say 8:46 PM and then i realized that her heart rate is at 104 and i know what her heart rate has to be around 200 and i started to freak the fuck out and started to cry and at like 9ish she died and now to this day i still miss her i have PTSD and every time i hear a beep i ether start to cry or freak out and i cry almost every night and when i go to bed i say to myself that tomorrow will be different it never is and im still here to help my cousin Flor (flor is a spanish name so you are most likely saying it wrong) she is depressed to but im here to help her the other day she had a mental break down and i freaked out she walked out of class i walked out of class to look for her i asked her friends if they saw her and at one point i walked to the nurses office because well in art i slipped on wet clay landing in the most unbelievable way it hurt my leg bad so i went to get a ice pack to help im only here for Flor to make sure she does not do anything stupid she said one time ""i was going to kill myself i was walking towards the gun"" i said "" ha jokes on you i had the gun in my hands had the gun on my head then i realized im here for a reason"" i can make a joke out of anything.",-0.8476,negative,terrified 2891,depressed,why this life,listener_1,2,"Hey, it's all gonna get better it always does how old are you though im assuming your about 12, you seem all over the place but thats fine just think about the bigger picture you have a mom who cares for you and all your relatives your friend flor she might be exaggerating but if she is not you tell her and reassure her and help her and she can help you. Learn to control yourself around the noise train yourself and most importantly you have ""this life"" is because you have a purpose i don't know if your Christian or any religion turn to your god pray you will be fine i experience depression and i can say it only gets better stay strong talk to someone good luck!",0.9919,positive,neutral 2891,depressed,why this life,speaker,3,12 no 14 yes,-0.5358,negative,apprehensive 2891,depressed,why this life,listener_1,4,Ok but remember it all gets better,0.6652,positive,consoling 2891,depressed,why this life,speaker,5,they see im in pain they see i want help they see me hide my arm from every one im in pain every day. i go to sleep saying tomorrow will be a better day but its the same,-0.1779,negative,ashamed 2892,depressed,I hate my job,speaker,1,"I just started a new job selling CBD products, and every time I sell ""medicine"" to a person with real problems I feel a crushing sense of guilt and self loathing. But the worst part is that I'm good at it, I'm good at selling fake medicine to people with real problems, I'm good at scamming people, and I hate myself for it.",-0.9239,negative,ashamed 2892,depressed,I hate my job,listener_1,2,"Hey, CBD is great stuff. You shouldn't feel bad about selling it.",0.7876,positive,suggesting 2892,depressed,I hate my job,speaker,3,"thats bs, real medicine goes through a rigorous testing process before it is made available to the public, real medicine works",-0.2732,negative,agreeing 2892,depressed,I hate my job,listener_2,4,"And it has real serious side effects. And is often prescribed to people who don't need it. My point is only that your snake oil is harmless, which is good!",0.5983,positive,agreeing 2892,depressed,I hate my job,speaker,5,"we dont know if the snake oil i'm selling is harmless, there simply hasnt been enough time and research to determine if CBD is harmless.",0.4588,positive,agreeing 2893,depressed,I've dreamed about you. Again.,speaker,1,It has been four years and I still can't stop thinking about you..,0.2235,positive,sentimental 2893,depressed,I've dreamed about you. Again.,listener_1,2,"I used to wake up in sweat and all emotional when this used to happen to me. Don’t worry it gets better after time, everytime",0.1531,positive,sentimental 2893,depressed,I've dreamed about you. Again.,speaker,3,"Same here. I usually have nightmares and I got used to em long ago. But when I dream about her, I just can't stop crying. Those aren't even bad dreams or real nightmares. I hope it will get better soon..",0.9497,positive,sad 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,speaker,1,"Hello everyone, I am a 15 year old boy from the Philippines and I just wanna share what I experienced earlier. I broke up with my girlfriend, whom we will call Girl. We we're basically 2 years together and ever since we broke up, she had been drinking. (She's also 15 years old) I know it sounds stupid but we made a promise to never drink no matter what and she broke that promise over a month ago. I'm a very sad person, I try to be happy but I can't. I'm usually alone and eat alone even in my home. Anyway, a few days ago, I dm'd her in twitter and told her I was really worried about her, which I still am. I told her I was worried about what she was doing because she could get drunk, raped, or pregnant if she continued taking that path. She told me she had everything ""under control"" and doesn't have boys around. Around late afternoon today, I told her I was drinking now too and tried to trick her into telling me about the video she had when she was drunk. She said it sending videos through dm take long and gave me her twitter rant account instead. To my surprise, everything I saw was about drinking and me leaving her. She was so happy that everytime they drink, she gets very contented. I was shaking, I was sad, angry, I don't even know. My heart was beating really fast and shaking really hard. I was about to cry, but then I remembered I'd tell her parents what she was doing if she didn't stop, and I did. I told them everything, and told them I was the reason she started drinking (True) but I myself, do not drink. I got very sad, that my girlfriend whom I still love and care for very much, was now a drinker. I don't know why she took that path, but I knew that was the only way to restrain her. To anyone who's reading this right now, please forgive me for my english, and I hope your day is better than mine. -red",0.07,positive,devastated 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,listener_1,2,"What you did was right. You are both below legal age to be drinking, especially her. You made the right decision to tell it to her parents. They should handle it. Don't be so sad about it. It's her actions and her alone. She's just basically drinking as an outlet to what you had gone through. Girls are like that. They wanted too much attention to the point they'd do anything to get it. Whatever the reason for your breakup, it'll pass. What you need to do right now is to stay calm and let it go. Focus on your studies instead. She'll stop when she's convinced it's over and that's it. You both move on. It's wrong to think that she and her actions are your responsibilities. Besides, you already told her parents, I'm sure they will understand and as I have said, you two are both too young to be dealing with such dilemmas. She'll get through it. Cheer up! Slowly let it go off your head and move forward. Wag kang matatakot kung tinatakot ka nya. Sumbong mo uli sa sya sa parents nya. Hahahaha. Cheer up, Kapatid!",0.7178,positive,devastated 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,listener_1,3,"The guy is just feeling bad for her. Atleast he cared enough to let the people love her know what she's doing at that age. Here in the Philippines, we care even if it's over.",0.802,positive,faithful 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,listener_1,4,Ever heard of the word GUILT?,-0.4278,negative,questioning 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,listener_2,5,"If you still want to be in your ex's life, they shouldn't be an ex.",0.0772,positive,angry 2894,depressed,I told my girlfriend's parents she was drinking,listener_1,6,"A friend maybe? 'Cause I have one and it's not bothering us at all. We all have different beliefs. Filipino people cares so much for the their dearly loved ones. But it depends on how worse the situation is. In his case, it's normal.",0.4389,positive,suggesting 2895,depressed,Does any body else feel that part of depression where it’s like you’re living someone else’s life?,speaker,1,"That part of depression that makes you forget any and everything that you’re doing. The self degradation any time you mess up on a small thing because you know you’re capable of executing a simple task but your emotions overwhelm any logical reasoning. That part where you know all the things you want to do to get better but just don’t have the energy to do it. Like the momentum of this dark cloud only grows exponentially greater, making it that much more difficult any time you find the tiniest spark of inspiration to try and fix this debilitating thing about you. The part that makes you feel like you’re living in a simulation or outside of yourself, because in comparison to all those things you want to do, you’re stuck in the same routine, barely having enough energy to keep up and maintain your basic hygiene. And the only reason you do keep up on the bare minimum with anything is because the possible judgement of others is too great to handle. That part where your problems feel so big that your humanity feels pointless. The overwhelming feeling of nothingness creates a hole inside your chest that feels impossible to fill permanently. Maybe the alcohol will fill it temporarily and allow you to sleep and feel some kind of peace, but even your dreams can be stressful. If the first step of grief is denial and shock, maybe the disassociation of you from you, the thing that makes you feel like you’re living someone else’s life, is because the you that you liked and was bearable enough is actually dead now, or slowly drowning at least. I don’t know if I’ll be able to get me back or if I’m going to feel lifeless walking through life from here on out.",0.9567,positive,sad 2896,depressed,th pressure to be perfect ripped me open,speaker,1,"t\\im alone in my room so drunk my face eels hot and my hands feel ikke they're swelling up. anyway. im so utterly broken and depressed, living with anxiety and an eating disorder THE RESSURE TO BE PERFECT RIPPED ME OPEN, STOLE FROM ME AND MADE ME BLEED yay I didi it, im finally fucking perfect, super pretty face, extremely small waist hourglass shape, long perfect hair and look at me I feel exactly the same. all I do is make art that's really fuckin good and get no recognition bc its all about who yk and how much pf your ass its put on instagram. I can't even. tell anyone the way io feel anymore, ik hit rock bottom I had to go somewhere and stay like a month ago and everyone only cared when I just got out now im here fighting and fending for myself again. this life will kill me. I am an energy that people flock to and then I flock away from them . im a lone wolf mom never satisfy I always ruin things for myself out of anxiety. lol does anyone listen to sash, Xavier, ghost or $uicideboy$ that's my shiot lol Kim 18",0.1551,positive,ashamed 2896,depressed,th pressure to be perfect ripped me open,listener_1,2,Let's see a pic!,0.0,neutral,excited 2896,depressed,th pressure to be perfect ripped me open,speaker,3,are you fucking kidding me,0.1761,positive,questioning 2896,depressed,th pressure to be perfect ripped me open,listener_1,4,"Chill I was kidding, didn't think you'd even respond. It is reddit tho. I have my own depressed shit as well. Listen my apologies",-0.6597,negative,sympathizing 2897,depressed,please help me,speaker,1,i cant stop crying WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME????,0.3821,positive,questioning 2897,depressed,please help me,listener_1,2,Im so sorry...i am in the same situation..begging for help bt no one cares,-0.2453,negative,sympathizing 2897,depressed,please help me,listener_2,3,Sent you a dm.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2898,depressed,Just Depressed,speaker,1,"This is my first time here. Please dont judge.. My mother passed away after years of illness nd it's almost two years. I cared for her for almost 7 years and now she's gone. I am a wreck, I don't know what to do with my life. I have a job, no relationships for most of my life and now I don't know what to do. I'm in the process of quitting my job cause it's depressing to come home in an empty house. I always want to be with my mom. My siblings are not helping me. I feel a very big void in my life. I'm destroying myself. I started smoking and drinking....Recently I ended up in hospital cause I did not take care of my body and high blood pressure and fatty liver. I just want to care for someone, my whole life revolve around my mother and I felt needed and cared for. Now I just wanna quit this world and be with my mom....",-0.8323,negative,devastated 2898,depressed,Just Depressed,listener_1,2,"I am sorry for your loss, the world is black and we have to be the light . I hope you start to feel better . Go for a walk out in nature maybe. My name is Ryan and I live in St.Louis if you need a person to interact with. My mother is in hospital , she will not be coming home this time. I don't get much sleep lately . Strong coffee is in order",0.7579,positive,caring 2898,depressed,Just Depressed,speaker,3,"Thank you Ryan for that. I did try to take vacation and enjoy the company of other people but I still feel a void. I cannot fathom how you must feel when you know that you can't do nything to extend someones life or at least lessen their pain.. She needs you right now, please take care of yourself and thank you for the offer.",0.8735,positive,sympathizing 2899,depressed,Toxic family tht makes me want to kill myself,speaker,1,Does anyone else feel like they look for a family or parents in strangers who show kindness or friends. I never really had a gd family...heck i have a shitty..toxic family who wants me to kill myself. And that has left this huge void in my soul..i almost feel hollow,0.6731,positive,lonely 2899,depressed,Toxic family tht makes me want to kill myself,listener_1,2,"Don't listen to them. Blood doesn't mean anything, mutual respect does. Sure, you can look for strangers that replace your ""family"", but don't force that. Don't take the first best stranger as a replacement for your family. Take your time and try to see if the friendship with that friend would work out even in a few years. Trying to simply ignore and blend out your family's comments might sound hard, but it's the only thing that has helped for me. Simply don't care about it. But don't let them know, just act like normal, else they're gonna get mad about you not listening/ ignoring them. Just remind yourself that what they're saying is complete bullshit. Try to get a decent job early in your life, get some money and move out. I really wish you good luck.",0.9597,positive,trusting 2899,depressed,Toxic family tht makes me want to kill myself,listener_2,3,Really this,0.0,neutral,impressed 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,1,"I recently disabled my Facebook account because I was starting to notice that just opening it would cause me some kind of pain... seeing all my friends either married or with kids... literally everything I want... and it downs me... so I disabled it for 7 days... for those 7 days I was doing better, I didn’t see anyone’s story that would ruin my mood or anything... so I got out of the habit of clicking on the app on my phone and by the end of the 7 days I was much happier that I had done that... so for the last 4 days I’ve been browsing a handful of times just to see what is going on... mostly just looking at the first or second story, and not looking further... well I looked this morning and the first status was my friends Christmas party... which he had originally invited me to go, and then abruptly uninvited me... it has completely ruined my mood today... I was doing well, but that just killed me... I feel so dead inside and I feel like I’m always going to be miserable... I know life is what you make it, but I struggle daily trying to feel good... needless to say I disabled my Facebook again... but now I just don’t know how to get out of this rut again... another friend of mine sent me a pic of her newborn... and all I want to do is cry because I don’t think I’ll ever find someone who wants to do that with me...",-0.933,negative,sentimental 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,listener_1,2,"There’s something called “The Cosby Effect” which has a fairly unfortunate name but look it up, it describes this. BL, stay off a lot of social media, it never accurately portrays anyone’s life and kind of makes yours seem shitty in comparison, when it’s really not.",-0.7845,negative,jealous 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,3,"I don’t see the connection between “the Cosby effect” and what I described... the Cosby effect is more and more people feeling comfortable reporting the rape that happened to them... or atleast that’s what google has told me... that is not even close to what I was describing, so I’m not sure if I’m missing something...",-0.5836,negative,apprehensive 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,listener_1,4,"Huh So I went to college in the early 2000s and I learned about something that poor, predominately African American, populations were living their lives as they were, and then when the Cosby show became popular it made those folks realize how comparatively awful they had it compared to the fictional Huxtables. Prior to this life was alright, but post this not so great. Seems that’s been either wholly misremembered by me or deleted off the internet due to all the rape.",-0.9424,negative,disgusted 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,5,"Oh, I think that’s ‘the Cosby show effect” but even thinking about that I guess it would be comparable, because prior to Facebook I had a pretty good life, or so I thought... but now I can compare it to everyone who is on Facebook... so it doesn’t seem that great...",0.9413,positive,neutral 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,listener_1,6,"Just think about the best day you’ve had in the past three months. Now imagine exaggerating that so it seems even better. You’ve probably got at least 100 contacts in Facebook, so if everyone does that same thing you’re bombarded with everyone’s “best day ever”, every day, ad nauseam. How can you compare? Plus then you inevitably find out that the one “perfect couple” with like 4 kids and a dog gets divorced because the youngest kid isn’t the father’s or something similar. Everyone has a story, you’ve got your’s, and however small or minute that may seem in this moment, you’re not to the end of the story yet so be proud of what you’re making.",0.9058,positive,jealous 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,7,I plan to stay off of it... it’s seriously not good for my mental health at all!,-0.5264,negative,terrified 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,8,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 2900,depressed,It always ruins my mood,speaker,9,It really does! For sure!,0.485,positive,agreeing 2901,depressed,Yeah.,speaker,1,Ate my feelings. Now to throw them back up.,0.0,neutral,disappointed 2901,depressed,Yeah.,listener_1,2,I feel ya! I just cut again. If you need to talk I'm here.,-0.3382,negative,caring 2901,depressed,Yeah.,speaker,3,Why did you cut? Were you stressed? Sad?,-0.7987,negative,questioning 2901,depressed,Yeah.,listener_1,4,I've been in a bad place. I've been cutting for a few weeks. I've been needing to go into the hospital for a while now. I have a bag packed but I got a ps4 and I'm putting it off.,-0.3612,negative,apprehensive 2901,depressed,Yeah.,speaker,5,"You should go. I hope you make it out the other end into a good place. If help is available take it. You smoke weed? I don't recommend it for everyday use cause it could get addicting. But, it helps to just lay back and relax. Listen to music.",0.8871,positive,content 2901,depressed,Yeah.,listener_1,6,I do smoke but I'm out of cash & have no stash.,-0.4215,negative,ashamed 2901,depressed,Yeah.,speaker,7,Do you work?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2902,depressed,im here for everyone,speaker,1,"just send me a message or text me idk or write under this post and i can help you maybe and no you dont annoy me just wanted to say this and i hope no one feels alone or something like that, hope you have a great day @all",0.8935,positive,consoling 2902,depressed,im here for everyone,listener_1,2,Thanks for this!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2902,depressed,im here for everyone,speaker,3,"oh sorry i forget this rule, sorry",-0.3612,negative,sympathizing 2903,depressed,Stop caring,speaker,1,I just stopped caring about things and it kinda scares me but gotta keep going am i right?,0.0249,neutral,apprehensive 2903,depressed,Stop caring,listener_1,2,Do you even care if you're right or not?,0.4939,positive,questioning 2903,depressed,Stop caring,speaker,3,Honestly no,0.2023,positive,agreeing 2903,depressed,Stop caring,listener_2,4,Then why would it scare you?,-0.4939,negative,questioning 2903,depressed,Stop caring,speaker,5,We all got to man,0.0,neutral,faithful 2904,depressed,I just need to vent for a second.. (not long),speaker,1,"I just feel like life would be so much better without me messing things up. The only reason why I haven’t killed myself already is because I don’t know what’s going to happen to me after I die. If I knew, I would of been dead by now. I just wonder why God continues to let me live when I’m in so much pain.",-0.8885,negative,anxious 2904,depressed,I just need to vent for a second.. (not long),listener_1,2,"Because you choose to see your pain as weaknesses. Direct that pain at something else, it doesnt have to define you. You're loved and worth it! (Virtual hug) ❤",0.6476,positive,neutral 2904,depressed,I just need to vent for a second.. (not long),listener_2,3,Amen to that,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,speaker,1,"I feel like the universe, God, a higher power or whatever hates me. I’m hideous, I have severe acne, frizzy hair and yellow teeth. I grew up poor and now I live on my own and I can’t finish school because I work full time so that I can survive. My job sucks and my boss is an asshole and I think I’m gonna get fired soon. I’m such a loser. My partner is literally perfect and I don’t understand why they’re with me. I feel guilty for being their partner. I’m finding it so hard to get literally anything done because all I want to do is cry in bed.",-0.9457,negative,ashamed 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,listener_1,2,The world sucks. I suck. The future is pointless. The dark triad of depression. You’re not alone Have you tried CBT?,-0.8105,negative,lonely 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,speaker,3,Thank you. I don’t think that I can afford therapy,0.3612,positive,grateful 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,listener_2,4,"This is super helpful. As somebody who has struggled with negative thoughts all my life, I will certainly check out this book. Thank you!",0.6996,positive,acknowledging 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,speaker,5,"That’s perfect, thank you so much, I really appreciate it",0.8479,positive,sympathizing 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,listener_1,6,"You’re welcome 😊 Depression doesn’t have to be the way we live. Granted it’s easier said than done, but I believe in our ability to live a life filled with fulfillment and vitality. You got this! Also mediation is scientifically supported to be huge for depression. Just ten minutes a day and it’s free!",0.9416,positive,faithful 2905,depressed,any one else feel like the universe is working against them?,listener_3,7,Read the rules of this sub,0.0,neutral,prepared 2906,depressed,One or the other? One in the same?,speaker,1,What is the difference between being depressed and having depression?,-0.7906,negative,questioning 2906,depressed,One or the other? One in the same?,listener_1,2,Depressed is the big sad but for a little depression is the big sad but just worse and for way longer,-0.9525,negative,sad 2906,depressed,One or the other? One in the same?,listener_2,3,"Depressed is during a short time and it's ""normal"". Depression is during a long time and it's a mental illness.",-0.8658,negative,sad 2906,depressed,One or the other? One in the same?,listener_3,4,"No, bring depressed is not ""normal."" Depressed is the adjective for the state of depression. People who say they are depressed who do not have depression are using the word incorrectly. The same way people use OCD incorrectly when they are a little anal about things.",-0.6808,negative,annoyed 2907,depressed,My former bf of 2 years and I broke up,speaker,1,It feels like this pain will never go away. It feels like I’ll never meet anyone again. This is first time I’ve ever lived alone.,-0.2204,negative,lonely 2907,depressed,My former bf of 2 years and I broke up,listener_1,2,"Its probably something you've heard a million times and it probably wont help but i promise things will get [better. I](https://better.bI) broke up with my partner of 9 years this year and after months of pain, depression and hopelessness im starting to find myself again. things do get better and i didnt used to believe that. take care and stay strong.",-0.2684,negative,faithful 2907,depressed,My former bf of 2 years and I broke up,speaker,3,Thanks that’s helpful,0.6908,positive,acknowledging 2908,depressed,Bad luck streak,speaker,1,"So basically, i've had a complete run of bad luck. my girlfriend and i broke up mutually and not a week after we did, i recently tried to ask a girl to prom with all of the courage i had left and she said she was already asking someone else, basically a polite decline but still a painful jab, and this morning the new beard trimmer i bought broke like a twig. I've felt like shit for the past week and despite the happiness at school, i just come home to feel like shit again. sorry if this seems like sort of a rant, i just feel like shit and am at a new low. it feels like life has dealt me the shitty hand in some twisted card game.",-0.9511,negative,devastated 2908,depressed,Bad luck streak,listener_1,2,Things will get better! We all go through what seems like incredibly bad luck spells. Happens to the best of us. Just have to push through until it passes.,0.8547,positive,consoling 2908,depressed,Bad luck streak,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2908,depressed,Bad luck streak,speaker,4,"Thank you, it helps a lot",0.6249,positive,acknowledging 2908,depressed,Bad luck streak,listener_1,5,I hope it helps! Have a really amazing rest of your week!!,0.8877,positive,encouraging 2909,depressed,PHD Failure,speaker,1,"I don't know if it's the right place but I needed to put it down somewhere to get it out of my chest. I apologize for the many mistakes, english is not my first language. I'm currently unemployed, working on my phd, and i'm feeling like a failure. My partner has it all, he finished his phd on time, as a job which his interesting. Today I got a good news. My university granted me the autorisation for my (hopefully) final year. It was a big deal because it is my seventh year and my university generally don't allow reinscription after the 6th. So I send a text to my significant other and he didn't notice, or he judged it irrelevant and instead of saying a word about it, he told me about his latest accomplishment and his visit to some watches shop. He is not a bad guy, he is great and I feel worthless, even my so called good news feel like a reminder of what a failure I am.",0.9647,positive,ashamed 2909,depressed,PHD Failure,listener_1,2,I know it's easier said than done but I wouldn't look too into it. Just tell your partner the news upfront so then you can exchange genuine emotion . That in itself will soothe you,0.631,positive,trusting 2909,depressed,PHD Failure,speaker,3,Thanks for the advise. I know I am probably over reacting but it fell crushing that he didn't even acknowledge it. I don't have any thing positive currently happening so I was hoping to celebrate something.,0.9293,positive,sad 2910,depressed,I'm fucking.. done. with myself and all.,speaker,1,"I want to tell them how I'm not faking it. I want to tell them how I'm really dying inside, how I'm not ""doing it for attention"", but all I get are shrugs and complaining and vague explanations over and over again, about how ""I don't know how he/she has it"". Yeah, I know you've been freinds with him/her for more than 10 Blessed years, but that doesn't give you any right to judge or invalidate my feelings anymore than I already am. Someone new joins the group, and the blame goes on them. ""I've known them for years, they can't be faking their mental illness."" Yeah? and what about me? the little shit left to lie in the corner, and waver everyone over for the attention she wants because that's what she really wants to achieve in life. As a matter of fact, yeah. I do want attention. attention from someone who can help me. I don't give two fucking shits about how long you've known someone with depression, but just because you barely know me, dosent, at all, mean that I'm faking it all of a sudden around you or them. What your really seeing, is someone willing enough to loosen up about their problems, and acctually seek some help in freinds, which should be one of the most honourable things to have to do for someone who seeks it. But no, for all of you it's just some little meting or ""get - together"", or even argument, God forbid, about how I go squandering around for attention. And here I am, lying in bed, crying my fucking eyes out because I want to tell you without you judging me, or shouting at me, or ignoring me, but I can't. because you won't listen. You all CAN'T listen.",-0.9528,negative,angry 2910,depressed,I'm fucking.. done. with myself and all.,listener_1,2,"You need to seek help on your own and help yourself. It's not the job of others to help you when you aren't doing anything to help yourself. Ideally yes- you want to open up to your friends and have them jump into action about how to help you. But that's not how it works. Especially if they haven't known you for long. That is a huge emotional investment you are expecting of others. So basically you have a new group of friends and you tell them how awful you feel, they aren't dropping everything to help you, but in the meantime they are helping a friend they've been close with for over 10 years. So you demand they pay more attention to you. From the outside it looks like there was a person in their driveway working on their broken down ""baby"" of a car that has been reliably there for them for years but now is having issues. And now you pull up in your lemon, say, ""hi, now fix this too."" Friends are a support system. Not a health care system. If you are doing this bad, you need to seek out professional help. Start working on yourself. Friends can be there to lend you a hand, but they should not be expected to put you back together all on their own.",0.9858,positive,trusting 2910,depressed,I'm fucking.. done. with myself and all.,speaker,3,"Thank you SO much for your reply, but my main concern is that, since they have known this person for so long, they don't believe that I have any mental health concerns, despite me telling them and even proving it to them. I've known them for around 2 years, since the start of school. Thanks again.",0.6808,positive,sympathizing 2910,depressed,I'm fucking.. done. with myself and all.,listener_1,4,"You don't need to prove anything to do them. Most of the time people's mental health status is none of any one else's concern. Most of the time when you are interacting with your friends, your mental health should not be a topic of conversation. Also, your mental health should not be affecting how you treat others (ie if you are irritable and expect them to tolerate you by using depression as an excuse). This is equally the same with someone who as a physical disease. When I am out with a friend who has diabetes, for example, our entire friendship does not focus on them telling me about all their bad days and me carb counting all their food to help them live each day. Also, if they have diabetic moods swings, there is a limit to what I will let it be a get-out-of-jail free card. So same thing. Physical and mental health should be treated the same. *But*, the very few times when you do want to talk about what you are feeling, at no point in that conversation should you need to prove to them how valid or medically diagnosed your feelings are. If you do, they suck as friends. But if they allow you to talk and just listen, because you are not burdening them constantly with talks of how ill you are because you are getting your own professional help, they will probably be more open to listening. Often people don't know how to respond, so I often tell them I'm not looking for advice or pity, just somewhere to vent or someone to tell how I'm feeling. Most people will be ok with this if there is no pressure on them that you are expecting them to solve your issues. But you have to watch yourself. People have two inclinations- one is solve others' problems. It's hard to hear someone tell you something and not feel pressure to give advice (which is why people say such stupid things in response to hearing someone say they want to die.) The other inclination using whatever you've got for attention, and many people with depression use it as attention for sympathy. And even though I'm older now, I know when I was younger feeling like if people knew how bad I had it with depression, I'd get friends through sympathy. But that just scares people away because it makes them uncomfortable when aren't super close with you. Didn't matter whether they believed me or not. They did not want to get involved. Luckily I learned that quick. So my advice to you is to pull back with your friends. Get yourself professional help. Keep times with your friends as friend time, not therapy time. And if those few times you need them as a shoulder to cry on or a hand to help you up when you are down and they question your validity or tell you they don't know you enough, then those friends suck and you need to move on.",0.9232,positive,trusting 2911,depressed,I’m alone and I’m gonna die that way.,speaker,1,Lately I’ve met new people but I’m still alone. I fell in love too and I thought she liked me too but there’s days where she’s friendly and talkative and other days where I don’t exist to her. At the end of the day I’m alone and it’s the same thing every single day,0.8957,positive,lonely 2911,depressed,I’m alone and I’m gonna die that way.,listener_1,2,"stop thinking you need someone, we come to this world alone and that's not a problem. enjoying your own company is the best deal, and, maybe, someone will enjoy great moments with you, too. loneliness is overrated.",0.7169,positive,suggesting 2911,depressed,I’m alone and I’m gonna die that way.,listener_2,3,"Well said! As hard as this advice can potentially be to accept and digest, it’s the truth!",0.7339,positive,agreeing 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,1,"I have been cutting for about 7 months but today I got called into the office because one of my teachers saw my arm. I was very closed off and didn't really talk to the person. When I got home my dad made me talk to him about what has been going on and eventually I broke down crying. It's been a hard day guys, so please tell me some good news about you.",-0.2175,negative,sentimental 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_1,2,"I’ve been there kind of, self harm and being called out then having a huge breakdown. I always seemed to attach myself to certain “celebrities” because I knew they’d always be there to make me feel better. One of those people was Jimmy Fallon, he came on at 11:35 CST and I’d stay up to watch him because it was the best part of my day. I still love him but at the moment I’m a huge fan of Harry Styles. I was a Directioner as well and loved him then as well. Anyway, he’s hosting the Late Late show for James cordon in 17 minutes and I’m really excited to see what he does. He’s been doing a lot lately, he hosted SNL, performed at the jingle bell ball for Capital FM in the UK, and his second solo album drops this Friday and I’m soooo excited. Other than that, life is not that most bearable thing at the moment, I’m hoping to dig myself out of this hole but I’m struggling to find the energy and motivation to just start. I’m sorry this comment is basically a novel but I hope things get better, you don’t deserve to hurt yourself like that, and that’s coming from someone who has done it and now that I think about it, I haven’t done it in at least 3 years... Hopefully your breakdown is a relief, to know you’re not carrying it by yourself. Maybe you could talk to your parents about therapy, I highly recommend it. I’ve been going for about 3 and half years now and even though I get stuck in a rut sometimes it’s just good to talk and vocalize everything in your head. Yeah again sorry this is so long but you got this :)",0.9963,positive,trusting 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,3,I hope i do,0.4404,positive,encouraging 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_2,4,Harry is keeping me going rn too,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_3,5,I think that's really good advice and I agree you got this.,0.6901,positive,agreeing 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,6,"Yeah, they make everything better but i didnt get to see them yesterday.",0.3716,positive,neutral 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_4,7,"Yeah but the problem is eventually they have a better priority and like you just get left behind, only worst now cuz you expected their help. I personally don’t think it’s worth getting attached to a person.",0.5267,positive,neutral 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,8,"Thank you kind stranger, good job for sleeping in.",0.8316,positive,wishing 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_5,9,"Msg them, friends can be the best source of happiness, maybe vent to a trusted friend. I'm sure they'd be there for you.",0.9612,positive,suggesting 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,10,Im so proud! good job,0.7823,positive,impressed 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,speaker,11,I think thats is going to happen to me too,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_6,12,"don't do that, :( I tried once and it didn't end well..",0.1511,positive,neutral 2912,depressed,My dad found out about my cutting today,listener_6,13,let's hope not. fingers crossed 🤞,0.4404,positive,consoling 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,speaker,1,wartesdyfjghkfydrtyhh,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_1,2,waiehg kjdng kdjbn isjhf si,0.0,neutral,sad 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_2,3,It goes deeper than that. OP has been doing this for years. [He is not sincere and possibly dangerous.](https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/ddf5bn/l_please_be_kind_to_me/f2gib00/),-0.3089,negative,afraid 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_3,4,Holy wow. Thank you for that. I will ban this account and let me know if you come across another one posted here.,0.4019,positive,acknowledging 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_2,5,"I am updating that post to include example posts from suspended accounts. Other mods have encouraged me to directly report to the admins, but would you mind terribly bringing it to their attention? Maybe they will do something with all the information in one place like this?",-0.5122,negative,suggesting 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_3,6,"you report to the admins the same way I do. And I'm not always sure when it does work. We've had a few people create separate accounts for ban evasions and have reported it, sometimes with effects and sometimes without.",-0.5365,negative,neutral 2913,depressed,wreatyruiygykuft,listener_2,7,"Cool, thanks. Take it easy.",0.7964,positive,acknowledging 2914,depressed,Just let me sleep so I don’t have to see no one,speaker,1,"Hi. I’m just going to get straight to the point I’m 19. I attend college and whenever I try to talk to someone they seem uninterested and when I’m not with any of these people I can say how happier they are without me around. So am I the problem? Am I just not interested, good enough. I will admit I’m not good at convos but I’m treated like I don’t exist. People just pretend I’m not there and it makes me feel worthless and alone and it doesn’t help that I overthink things a lot especially when it comes to people bc I overthink thinking that they are only using me for their own gain and they will toss me away easily. Because of that I don’t have friends bc I get paranoid bc of my overthinking and it drives me crazy that they might be only using me etc. It makes me feel worthless especially since people don’t like even talking to me. I’m used to being alone bc I don’t really do well in group of people bc u are just an outcast in a group and being in a group makes u feel more alone than u think. I want a single friend just so I can have someone to talk/hang with even though I don’t leave my house. But bc I can’t find anyone it makes me worthless and it makes me wonder why bother on living when no one notices ur existence. Might as well die and get this life over and done with bc I’m not living. I’m in pain constantly and I wish every night when I go to sleep I die in my sleep so I don’t have to have my parents wonder why I didn’t write a note. About my family I don’t belong with either. I’m just an outcast amongst them. I get told by my siblings that people hate me constantly and it hurts bc if my family is saying that why should I bother. After all I’m just an worthless fool who should be dead. My family also hates me bc I have anxiety and I hate people touching me or get too close to me bc I’m afraid of being touched. I just don’t live being touched and that causes a lot of problems for my family bc I don’t let them touch me or anything I owe so they get annoyed. I do understand why they get annoyed at me. I hate that I’m afraid of people touching me. There’s just something wrong with me. Feeling all that shit makes me want to cut my self again bc the pain I felt by doing that helped bc it took my mind off my problems. And it made me feel alive. In short I just feel like an outcast from everyone in this world. I have no one and I feel like an worthless fool who should be dead.",-0.9984,negative,lonely 2914,depressed,Just let me sleep so I don’t have to see no one,listener_1,2,I’m exactly like you except I’m 16 :( I’ve never related more to a post,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2914,depressed,Just let me sleep so I don’t have to see no one,speaker,3,I just hate the feeling of someone coming next to me and touching me. I don’t know them and I don’t trust them so I always avoid people so I don’t get touched by them. For my family I do f trust them at all. I can’t trust them with anything. They will also betray and I prefer them not to touch me,0.0094,neutral,trusting 2914,depressed,Just let me sleep so I don’t have to see no one,speaker,4,Thank you but smiling at someone would be bad to do bc it would be a fake smile abd they see that. And personally if a person dies get to know me they will eventually leave or just slowly fade from my life,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2914,depressed,Just let me sleep so I don’t have to see no one,speaker,5,Thank u,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2915,depressed,Sick of this shit,speaker,1,"Hey all. I'm writing here because I made plans to hang out with someone today and now no one is answering me, they either read it or go active for a bit then just don't read my message. I feel like I'm over-reacting, but i also feel like I'm not over-reacting and they don't want to actually hang out and said that to make me feel better. I'm just tired of feeling this way.",0.6875,positive,annoyed 2915,depressed,Sick of this shit,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry and I can understand. Sometimes I feel like my logical and illogical side of my brain are in constant battle, so much so that they merge into this overwhelming overthinking. Anyway, fuck em. Do what you want to do.",-0.5574,negative,sympathizing 2915,depressed,Sick of this shit,speaker,3,"Alright. Thank you. Also, happy cake day.",0.802,positive,wishing 2915,depressed,Sick of this shit,listener_2,4,thanks!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 2915,depressed,Sick of this shit,speaker,5,You're welcome.,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 2916,depressed,I think I might have a phobia to life... Help,speaker,1,"I’m tired of living... I don’t wanna live... I’m scared of reality... Please, someone help me. I threatened my brother with killing myself if he doesn’t find help soon I don’t feel guilty and I feel bad about it... I know he doesn’t believe me that I will kill myself. I don’t believe it either. To answer questions, yes, I do have psychological and psychiatrical treatment. Since I was a teenage. I’m 19 currently. When it started it was because I got social anxiety and I’ve overcame that but recently... This year, I can’t stop thinking of killing myself. But I was afraid of dying, which caused me anxiety. Now I reached the point that I don’t fear it, I guess. I’ve tried hospitalizations. Changing pills (my psychiatrist prescribed all of them, I didn’t try to be psychiatrist myself). Hypnotherapy that doesn’t hypnotize you completely, I don’t know how is it called. It work to relax me that day but after a few days I was back to my severe depressive self. I don’t really trust psychologists or psychiatrist that gives you therapy through webcam. My mom either. We don’t wanna be recorded. I tried on this website and this man helped me feel better but then told me to call suicide hotline and closed the chat. I feel really disappointed because I thought I finally had someone for free. (See, I’m an asshole but this happened during an anxiety attack so yeah) I don’t know what to do. Last time I tried to get at Ok2talk.org. I didn’t like the operator cause she explicitly told me: “It’s your own life, you can do whatever you wish”. And that point I was like, damn. Is she saying I should kill myself? And she works for suicide prevention hotline? W T F? You know, people we are around Xmas and I don’t wanna spend it at a psych ward. Professionals won’t help me ‘cause they on vacations. The ones that can help me are from the psych ward but as I said, I don’t wanna go there again. I know I’ll just feel better for a few days then get back and be like nothing happened, suicidal mood. I’m gonna try electrocompulsive treatment. I don’t have an appointment yet but my mom and I looking for it. Anybody had one before? How did it felt? Side effects? That’s what I have as last hope. If it doesn’t work, I think I’m going insane. Advice? Recommendation? Anything can help even support words, thank you. Oh yeah before I forget, another question. How I find interest in life again? How to feel alive? How to live?",0.6525,positive,guilty 2916,depressed,I think I might have a phobia to life... Help,listener_1,2,"Meditation? CBT? Ketamine? Friends? Life has no meaning beyond the one you subscribe to it, does anything make you feel less depressed? I’m having a strange few years myself. Ups and downs and all arounds. Exercise helps me. Sending love you way friend.",0.8423,positive,lonely 2916,depressed,I think I might have a phobia to life... Help,speaker,3,"Meditation I've tried before but I’m afraid of not being aware of what's happening around me because my eyes are close so didn't work, I think I haven't been on CBT but huh... I'm not impulssive like violent or something so maybe that's why I didn't need it. Sorry for my ignorance. I don't do exercise because I have gender dysphoria and a big chest. Putting on sports bra not enough. My chest gives me a lot of dysphoria, depression... Sending you to you love for you!",0.1727,positive,embarrassed 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,1,"I under eat, under sleep and cut myself. I have no friends or family that cares about me. I may under sleep but I enjoy sleeping because it's a free trial of death",0.4719,positive,ashamed 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_3,2,Hey. I commented on both your posts last month. How time passes :/ .,-0.34,negative,sympathizing 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,3,I made my first reddit account 1yr ago. Different account.The time does does go by fast.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_3,4,How was today?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,5,alright compared to some,0.25,positive,neutral 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_3,6,Hmm mine was alright compared to the past couple of days. How's the weather?,0.25,positive,questioning 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_2,7,Absolute shite in Ireland,0.0,neutral,disgusted 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_4,8,Hey all just joined 😊 kind of in the same boat as you ma dude tho I'm all the way in morocco,0.7184,positive,agreeing 2916,depressed,I hate myself,listener_3,9,"Sry to hear that, it's chilly where im at rn",0.0,neutral,surprised 2917,depressed,Is this depression still?,speaker,1,"I have all the signs of depression but I'm to much of a pussy to hurt myself. And I dont really want to die, I want to be a mom someday and I have goals. But at the same time I want to disappear, just sit in a room alone for days. J cant find motivation to do my school work ( online school) I like my job but I have these times where I find myself wanting to quit but my job makes me happy and the people around me. I feel numb most of the time. And I handle health so weird last time I cryed about someone dying was my grandpa when I was 8 I cryed so much I couldn't talk I had to write to talk to my mom for the rest of that day. Since them iv lost many people hell last year I lost a friend due to her depression and just today I found out another friend went the same way. And ya I'm sad, but I cant tell if iv accepted it really fucking fast or just pushed it away. Because im okay. I feel like I shouldn't be okay. Idk someone help I dont know how to help myself and we cant adored counseling again.",-0.9619,negative,lonely 2917,depressed,Is this depression still?,listener_1,2,"What you've described is exactly how I am — having ambitions but at the same time wanting to not exist because of all the pain that we've been forced to feel. I can't offer you any advice or tips for coping with it, all I can really say is that you're not alone in that regard. I want to be a successful musician one day. I want that so badly that I can't imagine not finally being happy if it happens. But the work involved to get there and the probability of it not working out makes me prefer to just not exist — but I have a stupid fear of death and desire not to hurt my loved ones. I'm sure it's similar for you. I hope you start to feel better and achieve your ambitions one day (:",0.5326,positive,agreeing 2917,depressed,Is this depression still?,speaker,3,"I'm happy I'm not alone, and thank you. I hope you become one of the best musicians out there!",0.8939,positive,grateful 2917,depressed,Is this depression still?,listener_1,4,"Thank you, that means a lot to me (: <3",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 2918,depressed,I really tried my best this time...I promise.,speaker,1,"Recently, my best friend decided to leave me completely after pushing me away for a week. We had been very close and I trusted them and held them close to my heart, only second to my romantic partner. I tried my best and whenever he was sad I’d do whatever I could, whether it be by reassuring him or getting him things I knew cheered him up or just by spending time with him so he could forget the rest of the world existed and have time to be happy. He was a very big part of what made me happy and he meant so much to me. Yet, no matter what I’d do he’d be sad and I couldn’t help that so I tried my best despite knowing the happiness wouldn’t last forever. Whenever I was sad or doubtful of myself he’d get angry with me, whenever I seemed distressed he’d walk away from me, whenever I needed someone he would never be there and I’d feel like a burden because he never tried to actually help when I was sad outside of telling my romantic partner that I was distressed, even when they knew. Eventually they started pushing me away when family problems hit me the hardest and I asked them to promise me they wouldn’t be gone forever, and they promised. It seemed like a dumb thing to ask at the time because he had promised before and he had stayed with me through many things so I had no reason to doubt he would come back. Like he promised he came back, but only to tell me that he’d decided that he wanted to leave. After all the time, after all the gifts, after all the effort, after he promised, he still left and I couldn’t do anything but say “okay, I’m sorry”. I wanted to seem understanding, I wanted to seem like I agreed that this is what was best for us but I didn’t. I still don’t understand why. Why, after all this time, do they decide that they have to go? This keeps happening and I try my best for everyone yet they all still leave in the end. At this point I know it’s something wrong with me, after all these times it has to be but no matter how much I change or how hard I try people still leave. I want to feel like I’m good enough, I want to be able to keep someone around. I’m tired of being scared of everyone who tries to help me, I’m tired of being scared of chasing someone away by sharing my pain with them. I’m so sick and tired of it but I can’t escape it.",0.877,positive,faithful 2918,depressed,I really tried my best this time...I promise.,listener_1,2,What has your Best friend done to you? You say you gave gifts and where there for them but when you were down dureing ALL your history of knowing them what did they do for you?,0.6199,positive,questioning 2918,depressed,I really tried my best this time...I promise.,speaker,3,They were my best friend because they stuck around. Often times when I was in the worst places people would leave me and it would make me feel like a burden. I valued them because they honored their promise to stay so much longer than anyone else had.,0.8658,positive,trusting 2918,depressed,I really tried my best this time...I promise.,listener_1,4,Maybe he had feelings for you.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,speaker,1,"If someone says ""calm down"" or ""relax"" while I'm having a breakdown, I'm going to lose it. I get it. You're trying to help me, and I am so thankful to have a person show compassion towards me during my struggles. But holy sh\*\* this is annoying. I can tell you truly don't understand how I feel right now despite the number of times you tell me you do. I can't just ""calm down."" It doesn't work like that.",0.14800000000000002,positive,annoyed 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,listener_1,2,What would you like people to say then?(dont mean to sound rude sry),-0.128,negative,questioning 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,speaker,3,"For me, taking my side with a problem or giving helpful feedback that's not demoralizing helps a bunch.",0.0813,positive,trusting 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,listener_2,4,"I think it’s more the idea that when someone tells you to calm down, it feels like the breakdown is then your fault - you have the choice to calm down and you’re not. That’s why I dislike being told to calm down - I’d much rather just have someone’s presence than more instructions on what I need to do, and how I’m handling the breakdown wrong.",-0.0,neutral,annoyed 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,listener_3,5,Sorry if this comes off rude. What about being told to just breath?,-0.5106,negative,sympathizing 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,listener_4,6,p.s Not mocking your or making fun of ya. Calming down is the worst thing someone could tell you while having a breakdown.,0.4867,positive,acknowledging 2919,depressed,calm down or relax,listener_2,7,"Not coming off rude! This is a little better, imo, because that is something I can do during a breakdown. I think the tone of how it’s said is really important, too.",0.7559,positive,prepared 2920,depressed,Feeling more and more like what’s the point in anything,speaker,1,"I’ve been in a rut for the past few days. I don’t like the feeling of being like this either. I wake up tired and depressed. I watch my favorite movies on hopes of being cheered up, and no such luck. I take my medicine and I’m not able to sleep at night. I find myself staying up until 5 or 6 in the morning, and waking up literally 3 or 4 hours later. What’s the point anymore? Why should I care anymore? Why should I get my hopes up just to have them shattered, and ruined? All my life I have only been faced with hoping for the best and only getting the worst. So what’s the point in even talking to anyone about how I feel about anything. They don’t care. If someone actually cared then I wouldn’t be feeling like this. If someone actually cared I wouldn’t have had several suicide attempts and countless panic attacks, and mental breakdowns. If someone cared about me.... it’s hard telling how happy I would be. It makes me wonder why anyone is even in my life if they just want to make me miserable or if they don’t even care what happens to me. I’m sure once I die there will be all these people gathered around a baby pink silk lined casket and talk about how “beautiful “ I am, yet all I’ve herd my whole life is how disgusting I am. There will people lined up down the isle crying and sobbing at my death, pretending like it will actually impact their life to have me gone, yet the don’t bother to see me now or even to send me a wellness check and ask me if I’m okay. Since my back surgery a year ago, I have been stuck at home, unable to walk long distances, unable to stand for more than 10 minutes, literally sitting at home with nothing todo and no one to talk to for days on end. Yet all these people will be at my funeral acting like they actually give a damn. So what the fuck is the point? What’s the point in me staying alive for their entertainment? I have no want to live. I have no need to live. There isn’t thrill or excitement in my life at all anymore. And now I just have this numb feeling. So what’s the point in letting everyone pretend like they actually care about someone they truly don’t care two shits about.... maybe I should just end my life,",0.8941,positive,sad 2920,depressed,Feeling more and more like what’s the point in anything,listener_1,2,You got this hang in there!,0.0,neutral,confident 2920,depressed,Feeling more and more like what’s the point in anything,speaker,3,I agree.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 2921,depressed,I thought things were getting better...,speaker,1,"Wow, this is really happening, isn't it. This it it... The one that I wanted to devote my life to, my love, my soul, no longer wants me. I'm so lost. I'm moving halfway across the country without you.. Every thought of you makes me burst into tears because I could never fathom a minute I'd have to be alone because I had you. I'm going to miss every thing about ""us"". I'm going to miss all the times we go to McDonald's or get coffee together before work. I'm going to miss our secret language. I'm going to miss all of our midnight adventures to the grocery store. I'm going to miss waking up with a human blanket wrapped around me. I'm going to miss having a family, having a little brother. I'm going to miss the way you say my name. I'm going to miss you god damnit!!! I feel life my whole life is crumbling apart with the thought of you not being there. I love you so fucking much I'd do anything in the world to hold us together... I realize I'm not perfect, that I'm flawed, that I've made some mistakes before. But I'm truly improving, I want to be a better person, for you and for me. I just wish I was enough... even if I'm not enough for myself, at least I try to be for you.. Soon I'll be forgotten, given up on, and left behind. I don't know if there's even a life worth living after this. And if there is, I don't know if I want to be apart of it.. I love you so much... Please.. Please don't let me go..",0.9815,positive,sad 2921,depressed,I thought things were getting better...,listener_1,2,https://www.reddit.com/r/wholesomememes/comments/e9okup/today_is_the_day_heart_onward/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,0.0,neutral,neutral 2921,depressed,I thought things were getting better...,speaker,3,thank you ❤️,0.3612,positive,wishing 2922,depressed,I can’t stop crying,speaker,1,I’m crying so hard why wont anyone help me????,-0.8011,negative,questioning 2922,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_1,2,Cause people suck,-0.4404,negative,annoyed 2922,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_2,3,Check OP's history,0.0,neutral,surprised 2923,depressed,Why did I even try,speaker,1,"So this person added me on Snapchat and we started talking and we have been chatting with each other for this past week, but I feel like this person just doesn’t want to talk at all anymore and I’m confused on what I did wrong. Ik I’m a loser and talking to this person has made me think I can’t never get the thought out of my head that I’m worthless and I don’t deserve to be happy or have anyone at all. I don’t have many friends and talking to this person actually made me happy but now I feel like this person just doesn’t enjoy talking to me no more and I put in all the effort to make a convo with this person and I feel even more worthless now than I did and it makes me think why do I even try putting myself out there when people just don’t want to bother with me. I’m just an worthless person who’s a piece of shit. I don’t deserve to have anyone. I’m just a loser who thought things were changing but they weren’t. Sorry if I wasted ur time but thx for reading.",-0.9397,negative,embarrassed 2923,depressed,Why did I even try,listener_1,2,Try to bring new and interesting topics into the mix. Sorry if this doesn’t help,0.6249,positive,sympathizing 2923,depressed,Why did I even try,speaker,3,I’m sorry u had to waste ur time on someone like that. I do apologise.,0.25,positive,sympathizing 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,speaker,1,"So, this is the first post that I have ever made on reddit, and IDK what exactly I am looking for. So, I am a 24 year old male individual who has never had a romantic relationship. Just recently, I have been feeling much more alone, and decided to get on some dating apps, again, and didn't receive any matches. The matches that I did receive, didn't reply back, and I ended up unmatching once I messaged them. Today, i just feel down, I am just thinking if my life even matters at this moment, or if I die, would anyone really care. I know that my family would, but, thats all. I just feel so alone in this world, and it is honestly just HARD. I wish I could talk to women, and go on dates, but that is just hard as well. I am not going to do anything stupid and kill myself, its just the thoughts that I am having at the moment. Thank for listening and responding.",-0.8469,negative,apprehensive 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,listener_1,2,And my first comment. Stay strong man.,0.5106,positive,wishing 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,speaker,3,"From Las Vegas, what about yourself?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,listener_2,4,Portugal,0.0,neutral,proud 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,speaker,5,"Dude, that's just crazy to me. I mean, you're like in Portugal and came across my thread, then not only saw it, but decided to comment. I honestly appreciate it. :)",0.9118,positive,surprised 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,listener_2,6,I´m in that little beach in western Europe :)) I would love to visit Las Vegas,0.6369,positive,excited 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,listener_3,7,you don't need to feel bad about yourself just because you have never been in a relationship. seriously. just focus on building yourself. learning new stuff. be humble and be yourself. beyond that....you don't need to try too hard. someday someone will notice you and every will be alright. you matter to a lot of people. you don't even know who secretly loves your personality. never underestimate yourself. never stop loving yourself. otherwise its a slippery slope brother.. believe me i know what i am talking about. 21/F always been single and ignored. bullied and depressed. i have been there. and i don't want anyone to feel that. you got this. don't worry. ps- sorry if my english is bad. not my mother language,-0.8993,negative,neutral 2924,depressed,Today seems tough.,listener_4,8,Glad to hear you can now see through the fog :-),0.6486,positive,acknowledging 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,1,"Why is it that everytime I go out for a drink with friends I come home feeling more sad than when I left. I'm surrounded by people I know and yet I feel like in the only one there. I don't know, I've lost the motivation to make sense of things. I've had a bit to drink. Things just don't make sense. Thank you subreddits for being there so that I can say this shit to myself.",-0.0749,negative,lonely 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_1,2,Why do u feel sad? Is it because you have to leave your friends? When your with your friends do u feel drained?,0.2359,positive,questioning 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,3,"Idk I feel like I'm drowning. It's hard to say who, what where or how",0.1779,positive,afraid 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_2,4,"I have the same feeling, I love my friends and I wish I knew how to fix this",0.8885,positive,jealous 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_1,5,"I cant say exactly what your problem is because I'm not u, but maybe something's on your mind thats bothering you. Our subconscious has a cruel way of making us hurt and not know why.",-0.9437,negative,suggesting 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,6,"This is not good news to me. If it is related to my subconscious, I'm like a man stuck on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Not knowing which direction will eventually lead to salvation.",-0.2278,negative,afraid 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,7,I suppose its possible,0.0,neutral,suggesting 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,8,"It's not the party scene though, its 3 good friends who would kill for me. I understand what you are saying though.",-0.2401,negative,agreeing 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_3,9,That's good to hear that they'd kill for you. Friends like that are hard to find. Do you think it's alcohol related? Remember that alcohol is a depressant. When's the last time you guys went on a hike or something like that?,0.3939,positive,questioning 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,10,"It could be alchohol related, worsening what's already there. Haven't really been getting outdoors too much with the weather lately.",-0.4588,negative,afraid 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_3,11,"Maybe a movie night or something, board games... Change it up and see if that helps. I hope you feel better.",0.8126,positive,suggesting 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,speaker,12,Probably is,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2925,depressed,Idk fuck it,listener_4,13,"Well if it doesnt resonate or click with you it shouldnt be the case, try thinking about it and coming up with possible reasons. We all have subconscious feelings and thoughts behind our own mentality",0.2732,positive,suggesting 2926,depressed,I don't want to be here anymore,speaker,1,"27M I wish I'd never been born, my autism is incurable and has made life a living hell. I'm trapped in an existence I don't want to be in and there's no escape. I have no future and my past has been nothing but heartache. I wish I could turn into a butterfly and never come back.",-0.1456,negative,sad 2926,depressed,I don't want to be here anymore,listener_1,2,going through shit too. i have nothing to say. sorry. i would tell you that things will get better and not to let go but i dont need to add hypocrite to things i hate about myself. i dont know you or your life so maybe things will get better. just know that you're not in it alone. you got a whole subreddit of sad strangers too. good luck.,0.5221,positive,sympathizing 2926,depressed,I don't want to be here anymore,speaker,3,I try and tell myself that but things get worse not better :(,-0.631,negative,sad 2926,depressed,I don't want to be here anymore,listener_1,4,"Yep. Maybe we need to make things get better. Do what we are comfortable with although it's hard to decide against people when they're abusive or your job when you need the money. We should actually do things. Little things that make you feel better? I have lost all interest in anything but things will get better... probably, maybe, hopefully...",0.8909999999999999,positive,suggesting 2927,depressed,"I need some way to vent my emotions if I want to make it to next year. sorry for swearing, i died inside.",speaker,1,"Hey I’m bi and an athiest and i hate every fucking thing that dares to exist. Including myself. I have been planning my suicide but only at really low points. This sucks because when I feel really fucking good about myself i have a tiny bit of will to live and then something goes wrong and im completely downhill and start suicide planning. This means that my suicide is gonna have to be a last minute decision. URGH. fuck me.. Fuck this capatilistic society and all the ‘be a fucking doctor’ and ‘youre a fucking retard’ that come with. Fuck my suicidal thoughts and inability to get help. Fuck having to try and take care of myself and others. Fuck being shamed when i dont. Fuck the fact that the only way i get to vent is fucking reddit. Fuck everything. Fuck my homophobic parents. Fuck not getting to think for myself. Fuck the future that everyone wants me to have. Fuck having to cry in the fucking bathroom or under a blanket. Fuck everyone being a fucking robot and my parents trying to turn me into one too. Fuck my failing grades. Fuck my parents comparing me to fucking anorexics when they cant see their crusty ass toes, fucking hypocrites. I have nobody to direct my rage at. Everyone has good and bad sides. I just wanna fucking leave. I wanna go.i can't do this anymore. I hate this shitty feeling. I would do it right now if me commiting suicide wouldnt impact people. I have to wait a few years to die because i would move houses so I wouldn’t know anybody. But i cant i just can't. I don't want to be a selfish bitch but i am and i wanna go. FUCK. I dont believe in any fucking god because if i did i wouldnt be feeling like this. And fuck everyone for making me feel like i need to. ‘Why arent you praying you fucking disgrace’ I just. I can't be bothered to talk, to eat, to sleep, to cry. I need a break. Why amisuch a good fucking actor? Why am i an asshole? FUCK FUCK FUCK. ima go do it. Ill just go OD on fucking metformin or is it paracetamol. I dont want to lift my fucking eyelids again. I can't be bothered to type anymore. I'm starting to self harm but I can't do it without anyone finding out. I just. Fuck. I need antidepressants or something. What the fuck do they even do. I Can't get help like I physically can't. You must be doing something wrong if half your kids come out depressed. And they think that there's no such thing as depression. I need to go shower or cry or both. I know im doing one of them right now. It's probably not showering. No one has any fucking idea haha im suffering silently. Quiet as a fucking rat. I think i'm having a mental breakdown. fuck. you all have your own problems so yeah. sorry. thanks for taking the time to hear this dumb rant about shit you all probably went through or are going through. if you werent feeling sad, you wouldnt be on this subreddit so good luck.",-0.9997,negative,devastated 2927,depressed,"I need some way to vent my emotions if I want to make it to next year. sorry for swearing, i died inside.",listener_1,2,Wanna vent some more? I'd be happy to lend an ear if you want to feel acknowledged.,0.6444,positive,content 2927,depressed,"I need some way to vent my emotions if I want to make it to next year. sorry for swearing, i died inside.",speaker,3,I'll keep that in mind and vice-versa. Thanks stranger.,0.4404,positive,wishing 2927,depressed,"I need some way to vent my emotions if I want to make it to next year. sorry for swearing, i died inside.",speaker,4,"I don't know. I just feel like garbage all the time and nobody knows, except the anonymous strangers who just read this. I've felt this way for more than a year, definetely and it never gets better. It might for a day or two and then back to randomly crying my eyes out. No one knows and I don't want them to know. Even if I told someone, they can't help. And I snap at everyone around me anyway so i doubt that they would want to anyway. My sister is my most trusted person but not lately, i feel disconnected. She knows I'm bi and supports it but she can't do anything about this. Except tell my shitty parents who deny it's existence despite my older sister being diagnosed. I want to go painlessly but there's literally no way but euthanasia, which is illegal in my country. What would be worse than the actual suicide is attempted suicide because I'd still be there, not really liviing my life and having everyone breathing down my neck about it. Maybe it would get me actual help tho. I'll take your advice but everything's going to get worse and worse until I choke on a handful of pills. Thanks for giving a shit.",-0.9914,negative,embarrassed 2928,depressed,tired of everything,speaker,1,"im so tired of everything. i feel so lonely even though i have people around me, i dont remember the last time i was excited about anything. everything seems like a chore, i dont really care about the things i used to love anymore. the thought of dying gives me a kind of relief but i don't have the courage to end my life, i know there a lot of people who care about me but my brain has convinced me that they don't. i cry almost everyday, i can't blame it on pms anymore. i don't know what im doing with my life anymore, just want it all to end.",0.911,positive,lonely 2928,depressed,tired of everything,listener_1,2,I don’t subscribe to this sub I just came across it... I just want to tell you 1 year ago I was in your shoes and felt the exact same way. There is hope and a brighter side to every sad thing in life! Have you seen a doctor and tried any anti depressants? I started a small dose of Zoloft and it seemed to help so I stuck with it for about a year and during that time made a commitment to be positive and it worked,0.6921,positive,faithful 2928,depressed,tired of everything,speaker,3,"but thank you for replying, really appreciate it. im glad you're better now!",0.9467,positive,sympathizing 2928,depressed,tired of everything,speaker,4,"sometimes i feel like im faking it. my mind is a confusing place, i do wanna get help but like its hard you know? to acknowledge that you need help and its scary",0.2846,positive,anxious 2929,depressed,Afterlife,speaker,1,"Am I the only one who has my death planned out? Like I have a very specific will. I want everything to be sold and given to charity. Then, I want no mourning, no funeral, no celebration of life. I just want to be cremated and have my ashes thrown in the local trash because that's what I am. Nobody ever cared, nobody cares now, so why TF would they care later???",0.9555,positive,sad 2929,depressed,Afterlife,listener_1,2,"I have mine planned out, I don't have a time when I will do it tho",0.0,neutral,prepared 2929,depressed,Afterlife,speaker,3,"I kinda do, but I just get nervous each time.",-0.3919,negative,anxious 2929,depressed,Afterlife,listener_1,4,"I should be dead 40 times already, I'm surprised I survived today. I'm just happy I'm not the only one being this suicidal",-0.4166,negative,grateful 2929,depressed,Afterlife,speaker,5,"Yeah. I get it. I kind of start to and then I just can't do it. Like, idk why. I'll hurt myself in every other way, but I just can't do it and make it go quick apparently.",-0.3302,negative,agreeing 2929,depressed,Afterlife,listener_1,6,"I have 3 attempts behind me. I wanted to kill myself very badly today, hit my head against a wall hard af 5 times instead",-0.8588,negative,devastated 2929,depressed,Afterlife,speaker,7,"I have quite a few times behind me. I tried to today with a razor. But, I figured I'd just freeze to death instead. I'll honestly do anything I can to hurt myself. Starve, dehydrate, I tried purposely getting influenza b from a friend of mine, I never warm up in the cold, all kinds of stuff. I figured I'll just live with pain and then one of these times it'll kill me and then I can go to hell and continue living in pain.",-0.9862,negative,terrified 2929,depressed,Afterlife,listener_1,8,"I hurt myself in pretty similar ways because I hate myself and I don't deserve better. I dehydrate, don't eat or eat to much, don't sleep, hit myself, cut, smash my head against something, burn myself, strangle myself with a belt and when I'm doing drugs, I'm purposely doing way too much. One time I passed out on speed",-0.8129,negative,ashamed 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,speaker,1,I have had a horrible quarter after getting my exam results a wave of emotions came in and started crying blubbering like crazy. Idk if it’s the isolation from people I have made myself experience and the way people irritate me when someone mentions intimacy or vulnerability. I am angry and then I got exhausted so I laid on the floor to calm down. Now I decided to numb myself out wear a black outfit and act numb to my emotions. Idk am I crazy how quickly I can switch out.. or is this normal. Feeling of lack of accomplishment and control is something I can’t live with .. I just woke up from a 17hour sleep from finals so I’m all exhausted..,-0.9798,negative,sad 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,listener_1,2,Well I sometimes feel an incredible void of anything then I'll be hit with a tidall wave of emotions. And neither is good. And that can go one for a solid hour and half.,0.0757,positive,sad 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,speaker,3,That’s exactly how I feel then I end up watching a funny stupid video and laugh .. it’s bad how fast I switch,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,listener_1,4,"Well I usually go one of three ways. One, being I realize I have work I need to do. Two, I think someone will find me. Or last but not least three, I feel like I've been crying in the shower for too long and it will be suspicious.",-0.5574,negative,embarrassed 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,speaker,5,I feel the first option definitely works for me :/ the holidays got me all messed up too,0.128,positive,agreeing 2930,depressed,Anyone experienced this !?,listener_1,6,Yep I get that family gathering are really something else.,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 2931,depressed,"Can’t Afford Health Insurance, No Medicaid Available",speaker,1,"I just signed up for Obamacare again, hoping to re-enroll in my already-expensive shitty coverage. Low and behold, instead of $120/mo, I was greeted with $350/mo. I had to downgrade to catastrophic coverage that’s $160/mo. I am ineligible for Medicaid in my POS state (FL) because I have no children. I must spend 80% of my income before I qualify for insurance. I’m so done. I hate this shithole of a country. If I end up testing positive for cancer at my yearly endoscopy, I guess I can look forward to bankruptcy or suicide if it comes to it.",-0.9474,negative,disappointed 2931,depressed,"Can’t Afford Health Insurance, No Medicaid Available",listener_1,2,Bankruptcy ain’t so bad. Just play it right.,-0.4267,negative,content 2931,depressed,"Can’t Afford Health Insurance, No Medicaid Available",speaker,3,This shouldn’t be necessary. I hope this country sinks into the ocean.,0.4404,positive,hopeful 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,1,Can someone just distract me? I’m tired of feeling this way.,-0.5574,negative,lonely 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,2,What are you doing,0.0,neutral,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,3,"Just painting and jamming, trying to keep my mind busy",0.0,neutral,joyful 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,4,"Oh yeah, what are you listenin to?",0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,5,Godsmack’s album When Legends Rise 👌🏻,0.7297,positive,proud 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,6,Haha geez i havent heard of them since like middle school,0.6705,positive,neutral 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,7,Me neither until recently lol,-0.3252,negative,agreeing 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,8,"So you like mainly alternative radio y rock? Ever get into 60s and 70s bands like cream and the stones? Or the blues, robert johnson, which inspired alot of the rock guys?",0.8409,positive,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,9,"Honestly I’ve never heard of those lol I listen to like Godsmack, FFDP, 3 Doors Down, Three Days Grace, Beartooth, etc- if that answers your question. But really, I listen to everything, those are just my go to’s",0.6757,positive,neutral 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,10,"Haha, yeah i used to listen to all those bands. Im guessin youre under 25?",0.6369,positive,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,11,Yes lol I’m 18,0.6705,positive,agreeing 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,12,God i wanna be 18 again. Or maybe 21,0.2732,positive,suggesting 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,13,"Not to sound like a typical teenager, but I would do anything to be done with this portion of my life",-0.1419,negative,caring 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,14,"Yeah, adulting does have its benefits. You goin to college or just gonna be finding yourself?",0.5859,positive,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,15,"I’m in college, however I still feel as though I’m ‘finding’ myself",0.0,neutral,confident 2932,depressed,Please?,listener_1,16,Have you been in a long term relationship with a lady yet?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2932,depressed,Please?,speaker,17,"I wouldn’t mind to speak about what is going on if you’d like to private message me, but overall I think I deal with my emotions well. I may be here, looking for a distraction, but that’s mainly because the things I have no control of that are hovering over me are becoming overwhelming. I also feel as though seasonal depression is taking a toll.",-0.8338,negative,content 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,speaker,1,"Hey everyone. I don’t really know how to say this but I’ve been depressed for some time now and it always traces back to my inability to talk to girls. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but every night when my head hits the pillow I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m a nice guy, listen to their problems, give advice, etc. I get called cute all the time but I can’t seem to seal the deal. I feel like everytime I get close I get friend zoned. I’ve never had a girlfriend, the furthest I’ve got was a lucky kiss but that’s about it. I’m about to graduate and at this point I feel pathetic. I’m not sure what I’m asking for or even why I’m here but any reply’s would be greatly appreciated",0.3708,positive,ashamed 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_1,2,"I can understand what you’re feeling, to be truthful the wants of people in high school depends on the factors leading up to the way they feel. An example would be if a girl were to watch a movie with a guy who’s all “ bad boy “ girls are going to want that. Now no girls are all the same everyone has completely different wants but the number of people wanting what you have for qualities are limited just like every other category too they’re all limited. Now through there own personal experiences there wants can change from what they have felt emotionally or seen in there experiences/through-others and that’s okay. There is always someone for everyone and you limit yourself through your actions/choices. Be who you are and do what you want if it’s meant to be for you someone will come around in time. I won’t lie to you and say it’ll happen tomorrow or next week or after you graduate but it will happen. On that note think of it as you’re limited by the girls who go to your school, then even more limited to the girls who know you, then even more limited to the girls who want you. It’s just a bunch of specifics and when you get out in the adult world you’ll see your group limit change drastically starting from everyone-in-the-whole-word then to what you limit yourself to, to what you’re limited to. I hope my comment has helped you understand in some way and if not that’s okay. Just hang in there bud.",-0.5615,negative,agreeing 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_2,3,"I'm 30, never had a girlfriend in my life. I don't believe this ""it will happen"" stuff at all. You're just wishful thinking which I don't like. In this world you make things happen by brutal force or they don't IMO.",-0.7359,negative,faithful 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_3,4,So far the only one not offering him solutions is you. I have no idea what agenda you are trying to push but quit it and answer people normally.,-0.2165,negative,questioning 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,speaker,5,Thanks you everyone for the responses. They really hit home to me. Y’all are helping me out more than you know. Thank you,0.765,positive,grateful 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_3,6,"I'm assume you meant this as a reply, not as a comment on its own.",0.0,neutral,neutral 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_1,7,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_4,8,"My agenda is to create a community where people help each other instead of non stop rants and vague positive answers. In a community, when someone has a problem, people try to figure a solution. I want a solution for my problems, which are similar to many people that post here, and we could work it out together. There´s no bad intention in my comments. &#x200B; Or maybe I´m just gathering people for my cult. I´ll keep answering abnormally because I´m not normal. If I wasn´t I wouldn´t be depressed. Ban me if you want",-0.1901,negative,hopeful 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_3,9,And yet no one ranted or gave vague positive answers here. You do understand you could have just commented just straight out with the solutions you claim are needed instead of the vague tagline for a scamming motivational speaker. You made the choice to not do what you are accusing this community of not having. So what exactly are your contributions here?,0.3612,positive,questioning 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_4,10,"Create a skype/discord, whatever group for these people who share similar problems (including me) talk with each other. Actually meet in person with each other. Hang out. 2 starting points for a brainstorm to work out solutions for problems. I never claimed I have solutions, I claim I want to solve my problems. That´s diferent. People with the same problems working together to fix their problems. What the fuck is wrong with this??? Why everyone has to have second intentions???",-0.9226,negative,annoyed 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_3,11,Do this yourself if you want it. But don't blame people for not leaving solutions when you don't yourself. Especially when others did in the first place.,0.2328,positive,neutral 2933,depressed,I can’t talk to girls,listener_1,12,Sure man I meant everything I said. I’m glad it has helped you.,0.6486,positive,trusting 2934,depressed,I'm my family's hope and I feel like I've let them down (depressed & paranoid),speaker,1,"I've been experiencing delusions for the past few months since the end of junior year of highschool. It started I guess when I wasnt able to hand in a final project for one of my classes because I just felt hopeless and I only took that course to get a certain credit requirement. But people in my class were so passionate about this subject that by not handing it in I felt like I did something wrong to them - like I disrespected the teacher, them, and the subject itself. I didn't even do well on tests and the final exam. I passed but it was the lowest mark of my life. I tried my best but the subject was just not my strong point. I cried when I got it because I thought about how my parents literally worked themselves up from poverty - they came from rural areas, starved to save money, and worked hard so that my siblings and I could have better lives in the city. I feel like a shitty person for throwing away everything they worked for because I feel worthless and useless. So on top of feeling shitty since 5th grade because of my low self confidence due to my body image, my bad social skills, having accomplished nothing whatsoever and not building on the template my parents designed for me - I started feeling like people in my class despised me. That they were watching me, that they could see stuff I had been looking at on my phone, or critiquing things I handed in, and whispering about. I could hear them. This happened at the end of junior year so I decided to just hold on till school was over hoping that it'll pass. Senior year, a month in, it happening again. I would hear whispers of what I wore, how I looked, work I handed in that made me look like a fraud because some of the ideas were unoriginal, and about that class last year. I heard someone in the library talking about how I didn't hand that project in and how I should have asked for help. It got worse. I could never enter the school library again because it's where I hear whispers the most. Whenever I looked up stuff on my phone or just did whatever on it, I'd hear whispers of people telling other people what I'm doing (""Oh, she's on Instagram..."", ""look, she's reading this book!""). I couldn't even use my phone because I thought it got hacked and someone was streaming my screen on a site and everyone knew about it and was watching it. It didn't help that I saw a group of people huddled around a single phone the first time I heard the whispers. Then I started hearing it throughout the whole school. I'd fear going to school every morning because they would be talking about something stupid I searched or viewed on my phone the night before. They'd whisper about it when I walked by and laughed or dropped subtle hints in front of me. Then I felt like everybody could read my mind, that my thought were on broadcast for everybody to hear. So I tried repressing them but I ended up thinking of obscene thoughts from doing that and I would hear laughter or snickers. Even teachers could hear them. I started avoiding people as much as possible - I didn't show up for some meetings at my school club, and I changed routes coming home from school to avoid walking with other teens. I felt so alone because they had invaded my thoughts which was my last strong hold. If they can read your mind then there's nowhere else to go. They could even read whatever I wrote on a piece of paper and would laugh about. I wrote down that I wanted them to stop but they just whispered about in my english class and laughed. Sometimes i couldn't even go out because i felt this way. I feel so anxious being in school because I feel like I cant trust anyone. Deep down they actually all pity me and are just putting up with me till I graduate. I know that because whenever I talk to anyone for a second time, their attitude would change towards me - far different from the first time they talked to me. Like they were faking being nice. I hate being like this and I feel like a big disappointment. I'm not supposed to feel this way because my parents have so much expectation for me. I'm the only non-autistic child in my family and if I fail at fulfilling their vision of their first born child (I have already failed but what I mean is failing further) then I would just be another burden on them. I am tasked with taking care of my two autistic siblings after they retire and I don't think I can handle it since I'm such a failure. Sometimes I feel tied down to my siblings. I cant do my hw or do things I want to do because most of my time is devoted to taking care of the youngest one who cant even talk and is 7 years old. To escape that and criticisms made by my mom of not taking good care of my brother I sleep during the day to let my sister handle things. I do my work at night so I could have peace and quiet without any distractions. I started talking to a friend about it and even she got tired of trying to assure me that this was all in my head. She told me that it was time I seek professional help.",-0.9888,negative,guilty 2934,depressed,I'm my family's hope and I feel like I've let them down (depressed & paranoid),listener_1,2,"So, I do agree you should seek treatment, at a mental hospital (I know that may sound scary) but they are trained professionals in dealing with situations, I've been to a mental hospital before, and I've had nothing but great experiences. I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way, but please do yourself a favor, and get help :) You'll feel so much better, and hopefully you will get on some medications to accommodate how your feeling! Private message me if you need to talk some more!",0.9587,positive,consoling 2934,depressed,I'm my family's hope and I feel like I've let them down (depressed & paranoid),speaker,3,Thank you. I'm starting with talking to a social worker at my school first. I dont want to drag my parents into this without someone backing me up that I need the treatment. My parents are fairly strict with money too which is why I dont want to talk to them about this. It's another expense for them.,0.3915,positive,trusting 2934,depressed,I'm my family's hope and I feel like I've let them down (depressed & paranoid),listener_1,4,"Please do not worry about your parents money situation, if your parents having insurance, it will most likely cover to entire expense, my parents are very strict with money as well, and I was terrified that they would be mad, but they were the opposite, they would rather have me alive, and get help, then dead, and suffer terrible grief, please please don't worry about that!",-0.8009,negative,neutral 2935,depressed,Just lost the best person in my life,speaker,1,"I knew it would happen, I knew I never should’ve fallen in love, I knew I wasn’t mentally strong enough, I knew my problems would be too much for her, and I knew I’d end up getting hurt. But I fell in love with her anyways. She was literally the best person I ever met and now she’s gone for good. I just don’t feel like living anymore, nothing seems worth staying here for. It just fucking hurts so much that I make the same mistakes over and over again",0.9204,positive,devastated 2935,depressed,Just lost the best person in my life,listener_1,2,"Listen up here. You can't be afraid of living life. If you were not worthy of love, she wouldn't have loved you back. She may be in a different part if her life where she is not ready for you. Enjoy the good times, more are on the way. Mental strength is like physical strength. You have to work on it and you may have a stumble, but to get stronger you have to keep at it. Just keep living life find more than one hobby, be yourself others will see how awesome you are and will be drawn to you. Keep you head up, and flash that smile to day is a new day with new opportunities to improve.",0.972,positive,faithful 2935,depressed,Just lost the best person in my life,speaker,3,Cheers mate,0.4767,positive,wishing 2936,depressed,Absolutely Miserable.,speaker,1,"I'm a female, and yes, many females are unhappy with their weight, but I'm afraid because I don't want to develop an eating disorder sooner than I have to. I've spent over an hour in the bathroom just last night. I desperately want to eat so bad, but I don't because I know im going to be tempted to make myself throw it up. Help?!?! :(",-0.9465,negative,ashamed 2936,depressed,Absolutely Miserable.,listener_1,2,"Personally I have 0 knowledge on how to help with such a thing so my only recommendations would be to talk to someone you trust or seek professional help. I like to think these sort of scenarios as what would happen if you were your future self looked back on yourself as you are now, how would an older you look back and why would you want to change the way you are now due to that perspective? But once again I have really 0 clue what I'm talking about and my answers are generic so sorry if it's not useful. If you need to talk to someone I'll always be down to talk.",0.1354,positive,trusting 2936,depressed,Absolutely Miserable.,speaker,3,thanks. :),0.7096,positive,wishing 2936,depressed,Absolutely Miserable.,listener_1,4,"Of course, anytime where I can help even a minuscule amount",0.4019,positive,caring 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,speaker,1,"At this point in my life i don't know what to do. I'm 23, female, and diagnosed with depression, ptsd and DID. Me and my therapist finished with trauma therapy, my health insurance doesn't cover more therapy sessions since I've been in therapy for years. But lately I've stopped improving, i tried redoing school since i dropped out bc of mental hospital and shit. But now i dropped out again since my mental health didn't work with school stuff. Now I'm a school dropout, work agency said I'm only able to work 6h a day, got a minor certified disability and in a BAD depressive phase. My therapist told me i should consider going back into a mental hospital, but I'm majorly scared of mental hospitals bc of past experiences. I'm running out of options, am i overreacting and face my fear of mental hospitals?",-0.977,negative,devastated 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,listener_1,2,There is lack of information for any stranger to above you in properly. But if you are completely helpless you would need outside help eventually.,-0.3694,negative,neutral 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,speaker,3,"I agree, i just need more to push me to do the inevitable",0.3612,positive,agreeing 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,listener_1,4,I suppose you have no one to talk to? That c can help a lot sometimes; talking to someone other than yourself.,0.128,positive,questioning 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,speaker,5,I MEAN GOING INTO A HOSPITAL NOT SUICIDE!!!! Going into a hospital is probably the inevitable,0.7431,positive,apprehensive 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,speaker,6,"Yeah, but thank you for responding so kindly!",0.8959999999999999,positive,neutral 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,listener_1,7,"I simply understand the pain. You don't know how much a little support helps when you are down, the mind simply focuses on the bad in order to save itself. It becomes a spiral.",0.0332,neutral,agreeing 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,speaker,8,"Still nothing to take for granted especially here, so thank you.",0.6779,positive,grateful 2937,depressed,I don't know what do to,listener_1,9,"I will suggest this: take the 6h a day stuff. Find something you like, preferably small and cheap, like painting or chess. A combination of these 2 things will give your mind the breathing room it needs. School isn't going anywhere. You can continue where you left off in the future right? If so, just get to a point where you can sustain yourself a little bit.",0.6124,positive,suggesting 2938,depressed,I think I might be depressed,speaker,1,"Back in 2017 I fell in love with a girl, but I never had the balls to tell her about my feelings. After about a year or so my personality had changed drastically. I turned from being an extroverted and happy guy to an introverted and I think quite depressed person. I felt like a hadn't been happy for months, I didn't want to be with anyone, but I wanted to share my feelings. Eventually me and another girl started talking and I got quite a liking of this girl. After knowing her a couple of months we got together, but still then I didn't fell any happiness the reason for that was because I don't really think I was in love with her, I think I just missed having someone to trust and to talk to. So we broke up, after that I felt even worse, although I thought I had gotten rid of my constant sadness. I do now realize I was totally wrong. Nowadays I just want to talk to someone that really cares, at school I have a lot of friends, but I feel like neither of them really care about me and like neither of them really know me. When I'm around people I always act like I'm happy and mentally stable. Truth is I think I'm depressed, I do realize that this means little coming from a kid who have a relatively good life when it comes to having a loving family with good economy, but this is how I feel.",0.9907,positive,lonely 2938,depressed,I think I might be depressed,listener_1,2,Depression doesnt see age i think it can happen to anyone a 13 old to 60 year old person and i kinda have a situation like you i also got a good family and good economy but still that numbness and self loathing doesnt go its coz of depression,-0.9091,negative,neutral 2938,depressed,I think I might be depressed,speaker,3,"Ok, thank you so much for some good info. I hope that in your cause you condition will improve",0.8807,positive,encouraging 2939,depressed,If there’s a god can he kill me plz. I’m sorry for posting once again,speaker,1,I can’t keep on waking up and live no more. It’s too hard to be alive. My family hates me I have no friends and I’m entirely alone. I seek happiness from looking at memes but at this point it does not help. I want to overdose on paracetamol and die because I can’t live no more where I feel like I’m dying from the inside out. I want to curl into a ball and just fucking sleep until I die. I can’t fucking do this no more. I have no reason to god damn fucking live. I’m a failure and a worthless loser. I will never amount to nothing. I can’t do anything right. I have tried several times to change things in my life by making friends with new people but they either get bored of me and leave or I push people away because I’m afraid they are going to end up hurting me or I’m going to hurt them by being around them. I’m no good fir fucking anyone. I want to fucking die. I can’t live a life that I feel like it’s going nowhere. What is the fucking point u deserve to be fucking dead I’m just an worthless fool who don’t deserve to be here. I’m done putting myself out there and try and make friends with people when I know no one wants me around. My family hates me because I ain’t the sane person I was In 2016. I’m doge trying to please people. I’m done pretending I’m fine when I feel like I’m dying from the inside. I want someone to fucking stab me repeatedly until I die choking on my own blood. I’m dying by fucking pretending I’m alright when I don’t want to go to school. I can’t do this no more it hurts too much. I want to be able to stay in my bed and just die today tomorrow or the next but that won’t possible and I deserve to be dead and not be fucking alive. Just let me die pls and let everyone forget I existed because having people remember me will only hurt them let me die.,-0.9989,negative,sad 2939,depressed,If there’s a god can he kill me plz. I’m sorry for posting once again,listener_1,2,Can we talk? I feel the same way and idk what to do anymore,-0.1027,negative,questioning 2939,depressed,If there’s a god can he kill me plz. I’m sorry for posting once again,speaker,3,Sure but I don’t know how much help I be.,0.6369,positive,apprehensive 2940,depressed,Fuck this feeling,speaker,1,"I quit my job because I didn't enjoy it, I was given multiple pay rises to try to keep me to stay but time and time again I told my boss it's not the momey. I stopped talking to everyone shutting myself away from the world because I hate reflecting my negative energy into other people. I feel like they wouldn't want to talk to me. I wake up and lay in bed all day because I have no motivation I have no self esteem I don't want to do anything but again I want to do everything. I fell lost. I get teary through out random parts of the day for what reason. I sit up all night on my phone realising how shit this all is but yet again another day of it. I don't even know what to do. Fuck.",-0.9813,negative,ashamed 2940,depressed,Fuck this feeling,listener_1,2,I feel the same way. Life is a silly game and the world is a very fucked up place.,-0.6801,negative,guilty 2940,depressed,Fuck this feeling,speaker,3,I have been trying to hide my feelings for a while making out everything is cool but I can't do that anymore,0.0772,positive,ashamed 2940,depressed,Fuck this feeling,speaker,4,"I would but I don't want my family to fell like they have let me down, I care about others but if I sometimes feel like I just want to go and never come back.",0.8983,positive,guilty 2940,depressed,Fuck this feeling,listener_2,5,"Do you love your family? Do they love you? If so, I’m sure they would rather be your cheerleaders than feel the guilt of losing someone important to them.",0.885,positive,questioning 2941,depressed,I'll probably kill myself in college,speaker,1,"I'm currently a senior in high school, and I am entirely convinced that I will kill myself in college. I can honestly see this happening, it seems like the only option. After I go to college, my current acquaintances will fall out of contact rather quickly, which makes sense and I wouldn't fault them for that. The only issue is, there isn't a chance in hell that I'll be able to meet anyone once I'm in college. I'm not capable of putting myself out there and actually making friends, and any hopes for a relationship are just gone. So, I see it likely that I'll just kill myself. With nothing to work for or towards, and with no motivators, I don't believe that I'll be able to continue living in that state. Every day I wake up and go to school knowing that I'm just working towards the day that it comes to fruition, and there is nothing I can do to prevent it, or so I think.",-0.6568,negative,confident 2941,depressed,I'll probably kill myself in college,listener_1,2,"I know it's tough to believe right now, but college has a way of bringing people together. I never had many ""real"" friends in HS or middle school. But I made many real friends in college and I was in a similar boat as you. Everyone in the first week is looking to make friends. Everyone. The first week is great because there are no cliques, no groups, no expectations. You go up to someone and if you're the first to talk to them you're pretty much friends. Don't knock it yet give it a chance.",0.9857,positive,trusting 2941,depressed,I'll probably kill myself in college,listener_2,3,"#### Snoos Against Suicide and its creator love you. Suicide is **NEVER** the answer, getting help is the answer. #### Here are some people who can help: US: 1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline * Call 1-800-784-2433 * [Online Chat](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx) 2. Suicide.org 3. Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 4. LGBTQ+ * The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 * Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 International: 1. [Suicide.org International Hotline List](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) 2. International Suicide Prevention: Call 702-743-4340 This message was automatically sent due to the detection of possibly suicidal language [source](https://github.com/max-niederman/snoosagainstsuicide) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=srcircle) | [about](http://snoosagainstsuicide.maxniederman.com)",-0.9638,negative,apprehensive 2941,depressed,I'll probably kill myself in college,listener_3,4,"Hey homie(/t), looks like i had better luck than you there. I really hope things turn out for you! Hell, any degree is better than none when looking for a job, as boring as it sounds, call center work helped my sister pay her college out. If you went into arts, that job can apply from anything from videogames to so much as how someone holds a coffee cup in a photo shoot! you just gotta put your applications wherever you want to be, and youll make it fam! Good luck out there!",0.9034,positive,encouraging 2941,depressed,I'll probably kill myself in college,listener_2,5,"#### Snoos Against Suicide and its creator love you. Suicide is **NEVER** the answer, getting help is the answer. #### Here are some people who can help: US: 1. National Suicide Prevention Hotline * Call 1-800-784-2433 * [Online Chat](http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx) 2. Suicide.org 3. Crisis Text Line: Text START to 741-741 4. LGBTQ+ * The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386 * Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860 International: 1. [Suicide.org International Hotline List](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) 2. International Suicide Prevention: Call 702-743-4340 This message was automatically sent due to the detection of possibly suicidal language [source](https://github.com/max-niederman/snoosagainstsuicide) | [contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=srcircle) | [about](http://snoosagainstsuicide.maxniederman.com)",-0.9638,negative,apprehensive 2942,depressed,Poisoned by my demons,speaker,1,"I feel so worthless, if it werent for my 6 month old son and my wife I would've killed myself long ago... I work over 40 hours a week and come home and want to drink until I can't move. My demons are taking over and slowly posioning me.",-0.8377,negative,ashamed 2942,depressed,Poisoned by my demons,listener_1,2,You have to defeat them. Check out this article. [https://www.redbookmag.com/life/news/a21709/this-man-struggled-with-addiction-until-he-saw-something-so-startling-in-this-photo-that-scared-him-straight/](https://www.redbookmag.com/life/news/a21709/this-man-struggled-with-addiction-until-he-saw-something-so-startling-in-this-photo-that-scared-him-straight/),-0.4588,negative,impressed 2942,depressed,Poisoned by my demons,listener_2,3,lol that looks like a dog,0.6486,positive,acknowledging 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,speaker,1,"The police has just left my house with my dad. They didn't arrest him, they just escorted him out. I called them. I was afraid he was going to harm me, like it has happened before. Going out he said ""delete my phone number and if you want to talk to me tell your mother to call me"". He came in the bedroom screaming half an hour ago and that gave me a panic attack. I was so overwhelmed all I could think of was my psychologist telling me I needed to call for help if anything bad happened again. I'm a tiny girl and my dad is almost 6 ft. I was scared. So I did, but now I'm afraid my life will get even more miserable. I'm struggling to get through school and I'm having trouble looking for a job. How will I get by? I feel so alone. I wish one of my past suicide attempts would've been successful and I wish I never met my few friends, so it wouldn't hurt them. I feel so helpless.",-0.9213,negative,terrified 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_1,2,"Im so sorry....thats horrible, from what im seeing you did do the right thing if you felt like you were in danger, i understand its still your father and you have a sense of guilt or just being upset that you had to do that and thats ok. Im sorry life is not being fair to you rn but just hold on to that hope that it will get better, im sure it will one day and you'll be happy you stayed and faught. Im wishing for good things ahead for you love ^^",0.9747,positive,sympathizing 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, you're very kind <3",0.7346,positive,sympathizing 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_2,4,Please call the police. They exist to protect you. Your parents are hoping intimidate you so you don’t. They are mentally damaging you. Don’t let them. Make them face the consequences,0.3818,positive,terrified 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_3,5,I know but it's complicated,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_2,6,But the more you delay the more damage they do,-0.8445,negative,neutral 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_3,7,I know but it's really complicated,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_4,8,"I'm so sorry you're going through something that's too hard to find courage to report. I do agree with u/TheOneGoldPepe that it will do more damage if you wait longer. I don't know if this will help, but please consider it: &#x200B; Picture someone very dear to you, standing inside their home. The house is on fire and they are inside looking for a way out. They can only see what's right in front of them. They're looking at a door, they see a door. They turn and look at another wall, they see a wall. They look up, they see the ceiling. They cannot see all of these things plus more at the same time. Now picture yourself walking up to the home and looking in through the window. You see the entire room, which they can't. You can see what's in front of them AND behind them AND beside them AND above them AND below them at the same time. That's because you're looking in from the outside. Now you can tell them, ""Hey! I see a way out right there, and right there, and right there, and maybe try there...."" &#x200B; That saying, ""Step outside the box and take a look at the big picture"" really does mean something valuable. You are the person very dear to you that's stuck in the burning house, and you are the person that's only able to see what's in front of them. That's why it seems so complicated. I truly hope you understand the message of this analogy and open yourself up to others to allow them to look into your window and help you. What may seem so complicated to you might be something someone else has already experienced and has the right exit strategy for you. You can pour your heart out on Reddit but the only way it's going to change is if you take the first step. I don't know what the complicated part is, but I am pretty experienced with life and a great problem solver if you ever want to reach out to me. You may or may not need to involve law enforcement for help and it might get even more complicated, but just remember that the whirring in a stirred pot eventually comes to a stop.",0.9918,positive,caring 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,listener_2,9,Fair enough. I’m just saying,0.3182,positive,neutral 2943,depressed,I just did the right thing but why do I feel like I've shot myself in the foot?,speaker,10,Thank you so much for your kind words,0.7096,positive,sympathizing 2944,depressed,"I feel like I'm faking depression, even though I know I'm not",speaker,1,"I've been depressed for years, parents have have never noticed, never have gone to a therapist, and have tried to kill myself multiple times. I'm honestly surprised I haven't gone insane because of this. Now recently, I'm having issues. Not just with my social life, but with me. Figuring out what I am, that sort of thing. And for some reason, I feel like I'm faking depression. Lots of girls my age say they have depression for attention, it's obvious to see what they're doing. Because of this, I feel like I'm faking it, even though I've had it to almost a quarter of my life ( I'm 16 ). I hate the feeling, because I know I have it, and it's nothing to drag about. Christ...",-0.9533,negative,ashamed 2944,depressed,"I feel like I'm faking depression, even though I know I'm not",listener_1,2, you just described what i feel like and i also feel like everything i do is just for attention,0.6124,positive,agreeing 2944,depressed,"I feel like I'm faking depression, even though I know I'm not",listener_2,3,I feel the same way but I kind of somewhat feel like I should be looking for attention... you need some attention in your life right? :/,-0.0689,negative,jealous 2944,depressed,"I feel like I'm faking depression, even though I know I'm not",listener_1,4,idk i just feel like im wasting other people's time,-0.1531,negative,guilty 2944,depressed,"I feel like I'm faking depression, even though I know I'm not",listener_3,5,same,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",speaker,1," TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, ED Here’s the backstory, My sister and I live with our mother in a different country. My father opened a restaurant in a foreign country and of course you need a partner from that country in order to allow that. It was just one day, so suddenly, we heard from friends that he lost his job and was banned from entering. My dad filed a lawsuit against him but that country takes ages to reply. My father stayed without a job for 6 months while we were suffering. We went through so much, my mothers salary wasn’t much it barely helped us. I went through depression through these 6 months and was suicidal, I even went through ed. Anyways, my father luckily got accepted in to a job luckily but of course the salary wasn’t as much as before. My dad’s work permit was put in hold from his former partner, so he couldn’t take a loan or transfer us money. He did find people to transfer though, luckily, but that didn’t solve our educational issue. At that time we were still in school but we only payed small amount of the fees. Time went by and found out the my father has fortunately won the case but his former partner made an appeal to pay less than the money he took from him. (We were depending on the money to pay our fees but it will only pay out our last year’s fees). My father had no choice but to agree after failed attempted appeal and they set a date to receive his money. This is the 4th month and my dad didn’t receive the money nor his work permit yet they keep telling his excuses. 4th month my sister, 6th grader, and I, 12th grader, didn’t enter school. My parents are divorced and my mom keeps putting me in pressure to attack my dad for ruining my future and putting us in the low. Ill be honest, my sister and I don’t have a bond with our father, he’s like a bank to us, he doesn’t even talk to us unless he’s transferring money or updating about the court. He has emotionally abused my mom and I also believe the reason why we ended up in this mess was because of him. He doesn’t even have money saved up through the years he’s been working which is why we are suffering. I am a 12th grader who didn’t experience my senior year nor did I start applying for universities because my future is ruined from the hands of my father. I feel like I have lost everything and it increased my anxiety and destroyed me socially and mentally. I really wish if I could end it all. I know repeating a year is an option but it’s a shame and humiliating. Seeing all my friends graduating and will be in universities while i’m below them destroys me. I do not understand why it would happen to us. I lost the meaning of happiness, i don’t even know how it feels anymore. I try to be happy but my mom ruins it for me by shouting and reminding me. I don’t even believe in hope anymore, there’s nothing that can fix this except hope but it’s affecting our future especially that I’m at the gates of applying to universities. I really wish my life could be taken away right this second, at least i won’t be tortured in this misery. Just wanted to let it out because it was eating me a live.",-0.9798,negative,terrified 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",listener_1,2,"Dude chill , its just one year and if you think about this can be a golden ticket for you . You can use this year to organise your needs , plan out your future and rebuild yourself . Take this year to expand your knowledge . When you have real friends , they wouldnt give a fuck about you repeating or anything .",0.8047,positive,suggesting 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",speaker,3,"Yeah your right but there is no set date about when the money will be received. It can take 2 or more years. I know we should not care about others but the community I live in affects it as well. Ngl i wish to get out of it sooner than later, it’s like a shame to them. I’m being put in a lot of pressure because of my mom, she keeps saying how humiliating it is for us being put in that picture in-front of the people and she gets sudden anger at us because of this. The people in this community are the type who would gossip about others and talk negatively about every single step someone makes. I personally find it okay? I’m taking it fine, as you said, a year to discover myself, I really did discover stuff that I am trying to work on fixing, but it’s not as easy when being surrounded by people with same thinking that would shame you.",-0.9497,negative,disappointed 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",speaker,4,"You could say I live in a 3rd world country, explains a lot. Of course the countries there are beautiful, sadly the culture and community in it ruin it. I was depending on my education to get out of it and be free, but I am scared if this process will be taking time because the country he’s in is a narcissistic one. I never planned for my future to end up like this. I worked hard and got straight As all my life so i can fix my life, I hate this community so much all I pray for is to get out of there. The community is so messed up that my mother blames my father for this not because of what he’s done but also because she thinks he’s the man that he should have all the responsibility in him. She dropped out of highschool and thinks that she shouldn’t be the one paying from her allowance for food or basic home needs. I sometimes blame her for not continuing her eduction because if she did, we wouldn’t have ended up like this. From the beginning my parents marriage was a huge mistake full of red flags they weren’t seeing. He’s very anti social and you could say he made everyone around him hate him, including us sadly. Thankfully he does send allowance but I just can’t forget the fact this all happened because of him. I truly understand about my mom, but I feel like she’s also affecting my mental health so bad. I am more calmer when she’s at work, I always sleep early so I can cut the time from our usual routine of fighting and shoutings. Thank you so much for your reply, it really means a lot<3 I hope it does.",-0.9261,negative,afraid 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",listener_2,5,"I completely understand. My family's homeland is the same way. They are hard-headed and as poor as they are, they think that financing their lives to keep up with social statuses is going to make them worth something. LOL!! Ignorance at its finest. Then they become controlling and shit just hits the fan from there. Been there, done that. You're what, 18? Your parents made mistakes in their own lives and although they affect you now, they won't affect you forever because it's not your problem. Not much longer, actually. That's all up to you, though. It will affect them forever unless they make a change for themselves. Right now, you are your only responsibility. That's great that you worked hard for your straight A's! Keep it up! You're doing a great job and I believe you'll be just fine.",0.8738,positive,agreeing 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",speaker,6,Thank you so much<3 I hope so too,0.6872,positive,encouraging 2945,depressed,"I did not enter school this year because my father lost his job and it has been affecting me, everything around me as well.",speaker,7,Thank you so much!! I hope it’s over soon.,0.7389,positive,encouraging 2946,depressed,Currently trying not to cry in my fishbowl of an office,speaker,1,*quarterly progress meeting* Boss: you seem distracted at work. You need to focus up on what’s important. Me: I am having difficulties emotionally coping with the love of my life being diagnosed with an illness that will essentially refer him a prisoner in his own body and it is bringing up issues I had to deal with while watching my dad turn into the same shell when he was dying from cancer when I was a pre-teen. Boss: Wow. That’s heavy. You haven’t expressed this much. (He is fully fucking aware of all of this) What I meant to say: I am clinically depressed and feel very little any more. My anxiety prevents me from expressing any emotion I can feel at work because I have been trained to understand that work is not a place for personal emotions and women showing emotion in the workplace are less valued than those that don’t. Additionally I hate myself and if I am this annoying to myself I can only imagine what it is like for another person to be around me. Actually me: ok.,-0.8415,negative,sad 2946,depressed,Currently trying not to cry in my fishbowl of an office,listener_1,2,"No thinking, breathing human being on earth would fault you for being overcome by emotion in this context. You are not a burden, you are not annoying. You are perfectly normal. I'm here if you need to message someone to talk to more directly - always.",0.6077,positive,content 2946,depressed,Currently trying not to cry in my fishbowl of an office,listener_2,3,"Sadly jobs usually don't tend to care much. But I agree, non sociopathic people should understand this situation.",0.1371,positive,agreeing 2946,depressed,I need help,listener_3,1,I’m crying so hard I can’t stop crying I wish someone would help me,-0.5949,negative,sad 2946,depressed,I need help,listener_4,2,This is a troll. [Proof.](https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/ddf5bn/l_please_be_kind_to_me/f2gib00/),0.0,neutral,annoyed 2946,depressed,I need help,listener_5,3,Thank you for notifying us. We already banned them but can't keep up with all their alternate screen names.,-0.0644,negative,grateful 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,speaker,1,"A few hours ago I went through my second full blown manic depressive episode. It was hell. I'm around 7 days cold turkey from my effexor. The panic and severe swings have gone now but I feel awful. Pretty down and everything I have been trying to distract myself with in the past few hours seems to make me feel worse. My whole body hurts, I'm exhausted but can't sleep, If I weren't sad rn I'd say I feel completely empty. I'm new here and guess I can't ask if there's a group I can lurk at online. I am so used up feeling I don't know if I have anything much to say at all but I really really would like to hear (read) other real people talking. Whether it's just bsing with each other about nonsense or talking about depression and such to me or each other. Sorry for the poor wording my brain is mush right now. Any advice or words period would be amazing. Thank you and I'm sorry for any and all of your struggles. I'm always glad to lend an ear to anyone in need.",-0.9615,negative,sad 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,listener_1,2,"hey! I'm really sorry about your episode...I hate them too. I'm here if you need to talk. also, there is a reddit chat group named: ""Vent and support"". Hope you feel comfortable letting it out there. As always, I'm here when you need me <3",0.5992,positive,sympathizing 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,speaker,3,How do I find this chat group? My mood is not improving like I had hoped it would. I feel like shit. This is temporary. Idk. My whole headspace is weird rn.,-0.6177,negative,lonely 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,listener_2,4,I also feel like you made a big step reaching out on reddit and it takes a lot of guts to do it not many do they shut there emotions away until they can’t handle it anymore. Thank you for reaching out to the community I’m happy that you were able to do that.,0.8834,positive,neutral 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,listener_1,5,https://s.reddit.com/channel/sendbird_group_channel_39120313_e0e2943d88ed59ed18d08faf3dfc11a8167fc90c,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,speaker,6,Even just gave you a follow I'm a long time redditor but mostly been a lurker my old account s are gone except my other one that's like a year i use for memes and weird porn lol. All the flollowr stuff is new to me but thank you for you help and I really wanna see you pull through as well,0.9366,positive,neutral 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,speaker,7,Yo thank you this group has helped already. Also I'm always here to chat or listen about any and everything.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 2947,depressed,I had my second full blown manic episode,listener_1,8,Thanks <3 I'll be sure to message you whenever I need to :3,0.8176,positive,wishing 2948,depressed,How to stop crying at work?,speaker,1,"I just got to work and I cannot stop crying, as soon as I got in I was bombarded with emails, calls, tasks and I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to let some of it out. I have to close today so I can’t leave but I can’t be crying in front of customers either. I’m frying really hard to suck it up and go back out there but I don’t know if I’m going to make it.",-0.8517,negative,ashamed 2948,depressed,How to stop crying at work?,listener_1,2,My very best advice is to get lost in your work. Either that or confide in somebody you work closely with for that extra support thru the night. Good luck!,0.9019,positive,wishing 2948,depressed,How to stop crying at work?,speaker,3,I’m envious of her,-0.2732,negative,jealous 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,speaker,1,"I have many other problems in my life but the one that’s nagging me the most rn is the fact that I’m still a virgin at 22. I never was very good with girls. I had a strict upbringing by my parents so I didn’t go out much in high school and the most I ever did was flirt with a couple of girls who I sat next to in class. I never could ask them out or tell them how I felt because i knew it would come to nothing and I thought my parents wouldn’t let me date. I never even kissed a girl until I was 19, freshman in college, although the virginity thing only started bothering me when I got to college. I also have suffered from depression since middle school. I tried to run away at the end of middle school and I have engaged in self harm in high school and college. Come college I was still pretty clueless. I met a girl freshman year who seemed friendly but she friendzoned me. I made the mistake of telling the new “friends” I was around that I was a virgin and they would mock me and said they would “try to help me lose it.” Eventually I ditched most of them. I went to clubs and parties and all and kissed girls but that was it. One of my close friends was a virgin and we could relate to each other’s struggles, until he got a girlfriend sophomore year and lost it. I felt even worse because of this because I knew I was the outcast now. I lied to my close friends who knew me junior year that I had lost it. Junior year I met a girl who seemed into me and we talked for half the year but ultimately it came to nothing. And most recently (senior year) I met a girl who seemed very into me (more than the others) asking me to study with her, hang, flirting etc. We hung out one night, flirting and walking around, but when I got back to her place, I asked her if she was just being friendly or actually like me. She said she didn’t know but later just asked me if I wanted to be friends (adding another failure to my book). Somehow she started talking about a relationship she had in high school and a couple of guys she had slept with and said she felt confident that her dating life has given her experience. She asked me what my relationships were like. I told her I never dated because I didn’t have the time, but lied to her about being a virgin, telling her I had slept with two people on one night stands, because I didn’t want her to think I was a loser. The whole convo made me feel worse because it made me realize how behind I am in life in this aspect. When my friends talk about their dating lives or picking up girls, I feel too scared to join in because I have nothing to add and I might say something stupid that will expose me. It my senior year now and I feel like I’ll never end up with anyone. I can flirt with girls decently, and I do have a few female friends (who are not close friends though). But when it comes to sex/dating there seems to be something broken inside me. I have lied to everyone about this (even my close friends), except therapists, because I’m scared people will make fun of me or treat me as a child or even less than human, and girls wouldn’t want to date me. I know having this in my head is gonna make me feel worse, but feel the only way to stop having these thoughts is to have sex/relationship and I know that’s impossible for an idiot like me. It’s gotten to the point where when I see characters in a movie having sex I feel worse and even more of an outcast.",-0.9854,negative,ashamed 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,listener_1,2,"If your that desperate there is a website called doublelist . com Then find your city, and find people, to hookup with",-0.3182,negative,hopeful 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,listener_2,3,Be less rude and more understanding. This is the other side of the coin. Men are held to a standard just as much as women. We are meant to be players. If we arent we're seen as inferior by men and women alike. It can eat you up faking.,-0.8024,negative,angry 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,listener_1,4,"How am I being rude?? I'm giving a suggestion for him, sorry if it came out that way",-0.3094,negative,ashamed 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,listener_2,5,Desperate seems harsh is all,-0.6369,negative,acknowledging 2949,depressed,I’m (M) a virgin at 22 and it’s eating me up. Never been in a relationship either.,listener_1,6,"ok \*really wanting to lose you virginity again wasn't trying to be rude, just desperate is what most people would say to describe the situation",-0.7239,negative,neutral 2950,depressed,Loneliness just kill me so I don’t have to live no more,speaker,1,Im just a god damn ducking option to people. I’m everyones last option. They come to be when everyone else is busy or won’t communicate to them but when I need a friend will they listen no they don’t care. I’m just a fucking loser to them. They don’t care if I wake up or even get my ass to school. I stopped going to school for 7 weeks bc the teachers were getting involved in my life bc they found out I was self harming so I left. While gone no one even battered a eye. To them there was no change at all. There was only one person who message me but he message me once and then he didn’t message me again. No one talks to me no one even cares if I’m around. To people I’m nothing and a loser. No one cares if I’m around or not and this loneliness kills and it makes me think why even bother living bc I’m alone I don’t feel loved. I can’t go on anymore feeling like I’m just wasting god damn fucking time on this planet for no reason. I’m just a lovely bastard who deserves to rot in 6 feet under. I just want to feel like I belong somewhere. I say this bc I’m a outcast in my own family. Ever since 2016 I g F ave changed and my family hates it bc I have anxiety whenever one of them get to close to me it scares the shit out of me. I just want to keep on cutting my skin until I can find out why I don’t just die in my sleep. Ik I don’t belong anywhere bc everyone is happier without me in their life’s. I want to feel love or something close to that instead of feeling pain and loneliness everyday. It hurts and I can’t keep going no more. I want to feel alive but I don’t. I want to stab my skin until I feel like I’m alive. Because right now I feel worthless and I feel like a right twat for trusting people bc they don’t give a shit about me. And people wonder why I don’t talk much no more it’s bc I can’t fucking trust no one more and if someone says something to me I overthink and I think they are after something. I’m just done with life I want to curl in a ball and just die,-0.9922,negative,angry 2950,depressed,Loneliness just kill me so I don’t have to live no more,listener_1,2,"I wish I knew how you felt, but I can only estimate. If the people around you don't seem to care even a little about you, then they aren't the right people to surround yourself with. I don't know you, but I can tell that you seem like a kind and loving person. Reading what you've written, you seem to care about people, even when they don't care about you. (I might be wrong about all this) Wanting to belong somewhere is something everyone wants, and I'm truly sorry that you don't feel that way. It's not a way to live. Going through what you went through isn't right. Stranger or not, I care for you and want you to live your life the way it was made to be lived, in a happy way. If you'd accept me as a newfound friend, then ill be there for you when you need it. Hopefully, this helped, even a little.",0.973,positive,caring 2950,depressed,Loneliness just kill me so I don’t have to live no more,speaker,3,Thank u for writing this. It means a lot. Thank u for extending the olive branch. Thst is very kind of u and I accept but I don’t want to come and contact I whenever I need someone to talk to bc that’s just selfish and I would be bogging u down with my shit which ain’t right. For this to work we have to be both willing to talk about shit together. This friendship or whatever u want to call this can’t be I take and u don’t receive it has to be give and take on both of us. I hoped that made sense.,-0.5423,negative,trusting 2950,depressed,Loneliness just kill me so I don’t have to live no more,listener_1,4,"It's not selfish at all, and it wouldn't be bugging me. The shit we go through in life is different, I went to therapy for a couple of months, each friday. My father always told me to deal with it on my own and when self-harm came in the way, my mom asked me if I wanted to do it. After talking to someone about how I felt, explored those thoughts and feelings. I've gotten so much better because of it, and maybe the same would work for you. The give and take thing does actually make sense, and I can understand why you feel the way you do about it. It isn't just you taking and me not receiving anything, we would both get something out of it. I can understand if opening up to a stranger isn't ideal, so if you don't feel comfortable then don't. (hopefully this works, XD)",0.4582,positive,faithful 2951,depressed,Life is falling apart,speaker,1,A week and a half ago I got fired for my job over bullshit. My rent is due in a week and a half and I am broke with no way to get money. I'm just slowly losing it. Every job I've applied for either won't call me back or doesn't want me to start working for another month because of the holidays coming up. I don't know what to do anymore... I'm running out of options. Any advice or just someone to talk to just to fill my day would be nice.,-0.8696,negative,lonely 2951,depressed,Life is falling apart,listener_1,2,I don't have advice but if you wanna talk about it message me I could use a distraction,-0.5267,negative,suggesting 2951,depressed,Life is falling apart,speaker,3,Not where I am brother. Not much construction happening when it's 4 degrees outside,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2951,depressed,Life is falling apart,listener_2,4,im in NY and work outside everyday. the market is there you just gotta bundle up and ask around:),0.0,neutral,neutral 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,1," I just want to kill myself. I cannot get rid of my problems and everyone else refuses to fix me. Killing myself apparently is the only way to get rid of my problems and take my pain away. Not therapy. Not medications. Not going to the hospital. I never had any friends irl, I can’t get a girl friend, online friends just leave me, the best friend I ever had left me 2 months ago and I really miss her, no one wants or appreciates me, I have no reason for people to like me, I don’t have any skills for people to like me, college isn’t preparing me for the life ahead of college. I just want to kill myself",-0.8485,negative,lonely 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_1,2,"Just a couple of years down the road from where you are standing, it hasn't been good for me either.",-0.3412,negative,agreeing 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,3,Wdym,0.0,neutral,afraid 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_1,4,"Survived college, lost friends, lost the girl. No hobbies and a couple more wrong decisions. Currently unemployed because I took chances. I don't know how I'll make it to my 30s.",-0.2484,negative,devastated 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,5,Oh,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_1,6,Yup,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,7,Killing myself is the only option I have since I can’t fix myself and everyone else refuses to fix me,-0.6597,negative,sad 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,8,I need fixing so I don’t have these problems anymore,-0.4019,negative,hopeful 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_2,9,"Please don't do anything bad man. I care. I realise you may not believe that, but I do.",0.5683,positive,caring 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_2,10,"Tell me how I can help you. I've been where you are, not so long ago. I've lost alot in the last few years. But I wanna help you. I don't want you to die.",-0.4466,negative,caring 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,11,The only way I can be helped is if someone fixes me so i don’t have these problems anymore,-0.4019,negative,hopeful 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,12,I don’t know what u need to do. That’s why I’m asking for someone to fix me because I can’t do the fixing mysef,0.0,neutral,afraid 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,listener_2,13,Well let us know the problem/s you're encountering.,0.2732,positive,questioning 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,14,My problems are the things I listed in this Reddit post,-0.4019,negative,ashamed 2952,depressed,Can I talk to someone?,speaker,15,Ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 2953,depressed,Exhausted,speaker,1,"It's getting very exhausting acting normal. Everytime I smile, I can feel the ever growing frowns hold, strengthening as the days progress. As the days grow old, i hide behind this veil.",0.6915,positive,ashamed 2953,depressed,Exhausted,listener_1,2,"Don't feel like that! Here's a hug to you, everyone else suffering out there and myself (^-^). I'm here if you need to talk, as always.",-0.3404,negative,caring 2953,depressed,Exhausted,speaker,3,Thank you for the kind words. I understand people have it so much worst than me. This was more of a vent after a bad day.,-0.4549,negative,grateful 2953,depressed,Exhausted,listener_1,4,"I always thing that because people have it worse than me, that invalidated my feelings. I still do, but I know it's not healthy. for me, or anyone. Best of luck.",0.7822,positive,angry 2954,depressed,I'm obviously depressed. Aren't we all.,speaker,1,"So four years ago, I had a home, a job, a wife, a father and a sister. In the space of four years I lost them all. My wife left in early 2016. By May of 2016, my father had died. I managed to see him just before he died, but it was quick and unexpected. A little over a year later, June 2017, my sister commit suicide. She had severe mental issues. I hadn't spoken to her for a few months. It came out of the blue. She left behind 7 kids. By this time I was so depressed i was suicidal. I struggled to keep working full time, whilst also looking after my kids full time. Fast forward to January 2019. I was kicked out of our rental property for not mowing the lawn. The day we the removalists came to move our stuff, our 3yr old dog, our pet, was hit by a car and died. Over the next few months my depression was so bad I could barely work. I worked from home, but just found it too hard. Just getting out of bed was a problem. Within 4 months I lost my job. But I was given a chance. Move 9 hours away from my kids, and work in the office again. I hesitated, but was desperate and accepted. I moved away from my kids to keep working. It didn't work. I became more depressed, being away from them was awful. I tried, I always tried. But 5 months later I got fired again. Now I'm stuck 900km, 600 miles, from my kids, with very little money and no way to see them this Xmas. Life is fucked. So in 4 years, I've lost my wife, my dad, my sister, my home and my job. And I can't see my kids because they're too far away and I have no money. Anyway, that's my story. Sorry if this triggers anyone. Not my intention.",-0.9979,negative,devastated 2954,depressed,I'm obviously depressed. Aren't we all.,listener_1,2,"i’m really sorry. This doesn’t fix anything but i am really sorry. Please keep trying and search for a new job.. Do it for your kids and for you too! They need their father and i hope you find yourself. Everything’s gonna be alright, have faith. And keep in mind you still have people that love you and you still have people that you love.. and i’m talking about your kids. You can always message me if you need someone to talk to! And i know it’s really hard to make this happen but you can do it!",0.9768,positive,sympathizing 2954,depressed,I'm obviously depressed. Aren't we all.,speaker,3,Thank you. I'm trying really hard to be there for my kids. They're really all I have left. Thanks for the kind words.,0.7968,positive,caring 2955,depressed,I think my relationship is why I’m depressed...,speaker,1,Plain and simple...,0.0,neutral,neutral 2955,depressed,I think my relationship is why I’m depressed...,listener_1,2,End that relationship and find out,0.0,neutral,questioning 2955,depressed,I think my relationship is why I’m depressed...,listener_2,3,Depressed and w/o a SO.,-0.5106,negative,lonely 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,speaker,1,"In philosophy we were briefly talking about depression and one of the sources/effects of depression can be self hatred. How do you hate yourself? How does that show? As someone who's never experienced something like that,it confuses me more than the French grammar rules.",-0.9641,negative,surprised 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,listener_1,2,"I hate myself. all the time. beating myself up for the past. It makes sense, but I understand where your coming from. ~ I'll update this answer later when I have time, for now, I hope this is good enough. :3",0.8689,positive,agreeing 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,listener_2,3,Exactly. This is my life rn,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,speaker,4,"Tbh I'm not productive either and I'm definitely wasting my youth,time and talents but still I am happy with myself. So does that mean that you are very critical with yourself and have higher (maybe too high) standards for yourself? Or where exactly does the root of that lied",0.0671,positive,questioning 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,listener_3,5,"This is excellent. Very well said, because it isn’t easy to say or describe. Even when you feel it.",0.8399,positive,acknowledging 2956,depressed,Hating yourself.,listener_4,6,"life’s a different experience for everyone and everyone treats themselves in their own way. it’s really hard to get to the bottom of this and get to a general conclusion bc that just doesn’t work sometimes, but setting standards that are a tad too high and not living up to them can be a reason as much as it doesn’t have to be one. that would be a rude generalization though. there are many elements to consider and coming up with one conclusion is insufficient. for me personally the thing is that I know I could achieve great things and make a good life for myself but I just can’t do anything. can’t get to school on time, can’t submit my assignments on time (n that’s as good as not submitting them at all), can’t socialize (in fact can’t form any new social bonds and haven’t since like 15ish), can’t get rid of my harmful habits, I just can’t. and honestly there’s nothing that makes you hate yourself more than seeing yourself screw you over and over and terminating every single opportunity to get better. it’s like you can, but at the same time can’t. (hope that makes it a little more clear, feel free to reach out if I made it more vague tho)",0.9868,positive,neutral 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",speaker,1,"Like the title says I’m 25 and living at home....well technically I had to move back in with them. Trying not to have a mental break down thinking about it. A little about me I graduated college back in 2016 it was just an associate in business but I was happy nonetheless considering how hard school was for me. Though it took a while I managed to find a good sales job it was base plus commission. I did that job for a few years but unfortunately last year the place I worked at went out of business so everyone was laid off. Luckily I had 40k saved up in my bank account just because I was smart enough to live as cheap as possible. Anyway during that period I couldn’t find another job, I submitted tons of applications, I went to temping agencies but each job I had through them was only temporary. I then came across an old acquaintance who asked if I was interested in starting a business. I was very hesitant at first but after a couple months of thinking and some desperation I agreed and put up the money for it. Obviously that business failed and now I feel so stupid because it should have been common sense from the start going into a business with no prior knowledge about running one. I let my old business partner persuade me into something that I regret deeply. By the time we closed the place I had less than 2 grand left in my bank account. Even with cheap rent I knew it was only enough for a few months. And I couldn’t find another job within the first two months. Not only did I lose all that money but my girlfriend left me and called me a loser for it. It still hurts thinking about it. Now I’m back living at home depressed and anxious because I’m unsure about what to do next. I’m now doing gig work like Uber,lyft, and doordash, just to get some money coming in. And as mentioned earlier in the post, I’m starting to have a mental break down. Because I really don’t know what to do. I keep applying to new places and even with experience sometimes I feel like it’s because I don’t have a Bachelors which I can’t afford to go back to school because I honestly have no money. Ive been waking up with anxiety every morning the last few months. Right now I’m honestly just completely lost and don’t know what to do. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don’t want to give up but It’s getting harder not to. Anybody in similar or past experiences? How did you overcome those dark times. Any advice is much appreciated, thank you.",-0.7796,negative,content 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",listener_1,2,"Since no one wants to helo you, i will. So i was actually in the same boat as you. Im also living at home. I just kept submitting applications and eventually i got a full time job. Right now may be a dark tough time for you. But don't give up. Keep trying. Things will get better for you. You will find a job. Just don't give up. If you have to, find a minimum wage job and work your way up. Try for a security job, those pay good.",0.8537,positive,neutral 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",speaker,3,"Thank you for taking the time to respond, that’s what I’ve been doing. Next to gig driving I’ve been applying to new jobs. Even if it takes time I have to keep trying and stay persistent. I do hope things get better I know this isn’t going to be forever but I’m doing my best to make light of my current situation. And I’ll look into security, thanks again!",0.9565,positive,grateful 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",speaker,4,"Loans was one of the reasons why i didn’t pursue a bachelors and just an associates, unfortunately I have friends who graduated with tons of student loan debt and for financial aid I don’t think I would qualify. I do hope I’ll be able to find something better in the future though, thank you.",0.7579,positive,grateful 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",listener_1,5,No problem brother. I like helping people out.,0.7147,positive,caring 2957,depressed,"25, broke, living at home, feeling completely lost in life right now",speaker,6,No worries but thank you so much!,0.6379,positive,wishing 2958,depressed,i fucked up,speaker,1,i need help i dont know what to do me and my friend are planing something bad really really bad this is a 20-50 year sentence i dont want to do it but then i have D.I.D it is a deffrent identity thing and one is completly crazy i need help before sunday or i might be on the news after if i get caught,-0.0892,negative,afraid 2958,depressed,i fucked up,listener_1,2,Admit yourself into a psych ward,0.2023,positive,apprehensive 2958,depressed,i fucked up,speaker,3,im thinking of it i might hurt some one thats what my plan was i need to go to a hospital or some thing,-0.5267,negative,afraid 2958,depressed,i fucked up,listener_1,4,Yeah I would check yourself in.,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,speaker,1,"about a few months back i kinda fell in love with my bestfriend and its shit because she doesnt want to ruin the bond we have. ive been struggling and she knows that ive been a little hurt here and there about it but she doesnt even know half of the story. i come home tired and broken i put on a fake smile to make myself seem happy but idk what to do and my situations just getting worse, any suggestions? 💔",-0.8321,negative,questioning 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,listener_1,2,"Not telling her how u feel is torture for you. Dont keep it in you because if u like her, than u are not looking at her as a friend, and I think you will feel better if you tell her that. Now, it is always a gamble what the outcome will be... You might get an answer like ""I see you as a friend"", and that will hurt you, but that pain will be much healthier because it eill go away and you will move on with a clear mind and heart. On the other side she might want to be with you in witch case I will drink a shot of rakia in your name. But knowing from my experience, just sitting and waiting hurts the most... So go tell her. And demand a straight answer, dont let her drag and use you... Not saying she will but it happened to me so its just a friendly advice :) GL Bro",0.9497,positive,trusting 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,speaker,3,"thanks man its means a lot, i mean im struggling to get over her because i saw a future with her and her mums really routing for me but its just idk man, shit can hurt. you get me?",-0.9011,negative,neutral 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,listener_1,4,"I feel the shit you are going through... I had myself in a simular situation... Just be honest with yourself and with her... No matter what the outcome is, dont keep the emotions in you, let them out... You feel something for that girl, tell her that, and dont be shy about it because emotions are a beautiful thing. I hope she feels the same way you do :D",0.9628,positive,agreeing 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,speaker,5,thanks man seriously much appreciated,0.6705,positive,acknowledging 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,listener_1,6,Glad I helped dude :3,0.743,positive,acknowledging 2959,depressed,i dont know how to put this.,speaker,7,<3,0.0,neutral,neutral 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,1,I jus hope I’m ain’t going against the rule on here but I need friends to talk to right now cos I’m feeling some typo way bout myself .,0.7814,positive,trusting 2960,depressed,I need friends,listener_1,2,What’s on your mind? Feel free to message me if you need. Don’t forget that you were made unique. One of a kind!,0.7263,positive,proud 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,3,Hi,0.0,neutral,wishing 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,4,Thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it 🖤,0.8977,positive,sympathizing 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,5,Hi thanks 🙏🏽,0.4404,positive,wishing 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,6,Hi,0.0,neutral,wishing 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,7,I’m far from you . But I feel better today I made some music . Thanks for reaching out you still can hmu if still wanna be friends .,0.9331,positive,grateful 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,8,I really appreciate you reaching out with the positive vibe . You can hmu if you wanna be friends with me too,0.8947,positive,acknowledging 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,9,Thanks for the suggestion.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2960,depressed,I need friends,listener_2,10,"You can write to me anytime you feel like it, I'm here.",0.3612,positive,content 2960,depressed,I need friends,listener_3,11,"Don’t worry , sometimes we need people to talk with, I am here if you want. :D",0.34700000000000003,positive,acknowledging 2960,depressed,I need friends,listener_4,12,Here is you need to talk. I definitely know how it feels,0.4019,positive,agreeing 2960,depressed,I need friends,speaker,13,I can’t text anyone now I don’t know why .,0.0,neutral,lonely 2961,depressed,I know I’m a burden,speaker,1,"It’s like whatever I do or say I always bother someone. I talk normally and people say I’m too loud. I don’t talk and people think I’m weird. It’s like no matter what I do, if I try to express myself or be myself then I bother everyone. I think it’s just a sign from the world that I really am just a bother",-0.4541,negative,embarrassed 2961,depressed,I know I’m a burden,listener_1,2,"I don’t think that’s the case. Call me old fashioned or hyper spiritual, but I believe there’s an enemy out there in this world that wants nothing more than for us to feel this way, to get down about ourselves and doubt all that’s true and right. On the other hand, you were made for greatness and given passions, abilities and characteristics that make you special! I encourage you to find what you’re passionate about and try to be intentional about pursuing it. Feel free to message me if you ever need someone to talk to. I promise you aren’t a burden to me 😊",0.9864,positive,faithful 2961,depressed,I know I’m a burden,listener_2,3,"Is it possible that, that enemy is you? If your're your own worst critic, the that makes sense. Maybe it's that I have a few more miles on my engine but These kinds of feelings dissipate over time. Learning that, not everyone is going to like to vital to one's evolution. Learning more about yourself and your own value is another.. neither of which happen overnight.",0.5859,positive,suggesting 2961,depressed,I know I’m a burden,listener_1,4,"Yeah I think that’s a valid point. Our outlook on ourself can play a huge role in that department. So in this regard, we are definitely acting as an enemy of ourselves, but I would say it goes deeper than that. Unfortunately, contrary to popular belief, time doesn’t heal all. Plus, who knows what time we really have left for that healing to happen? That’s why it’s so important to live each day to the fullest and try to find healthy ways to cope with these things. Easier said than done! Don’t get me wrong.",0.8622,positive,agreeing 2961,depressed,I know I’m a burden,listener_2,5,"I agree you.. but I didn't say time heals all wounds or anything.. because, if it did.. then why am I still bleeding? Pain gets easier to deal with as you get older.. along with disappointment and the like. Yes, live life to the fullest because you never known what's around that corner. One thing that gets me through these periods is, helping others. Happy or sad.. depressed or energized.. helping other is something I believe we all should do.. we all should do! But when you are down, it's so easy to disregard others. Stay the course.. help each other.. you never know what lonely soul you can save their day by a simple smile.. an acknowledge of their existence.",0.9776,positive,agreeing 2962,depressed,What do I do?,speaker,1,"I need a way to kill myself without looking like i did it myself, i don’t want my mum going to bed and thinking to herself that SHE failed as a parent because it wasn’t her that failed it was me. I failed at everything a tbh i just want everything to go away and i doubt anyone will really care if I died so that’s fine but i do actually need help, is there any actual way to kill yourself without actually making it look like you did? 😩",-0.9046,negative,afraid 2962,depressed,What do I do?,listener_1,2,"There probably is but even so, why? Then you would launch a whole murder investigation and cause your mother more grief as she struggles to see why you passed and who was hateful enough to kill you. Or if you staged it as an accident the grief would still exist maybe coupled with why her kid? Still bad either way. When you're depressed you think death solves the problem but it really just creates more problems, its like taking a loan to pay off a loan, your still in debt, the problem still exists. Im in this place right now too, and forgive for taking this stern tone but you need to tell someone your feeling this way. When your in the darkest deepest pit of depression you'll be surprised at what small gestures or things almost instantly lift your head up to help you see past the things that burden you. Anything op, anything, cats, puppies, funny videos, reading funny stories do as you please until your in the right mindset to dust yourself off and have a second go. Good luck and remember you are not as alone as you feel.",-0.993,negative,suggesting 2962,depressed,What do I do?,speaker,3,"Tbh it’s different for everyone and the issue is i literally have no one to tell how i’m feeling i tried talking to a teacher but she just told me it was my period and i doubt it would last for about a year or two and as you said, your in this place right now so i’m sure you can understand how i’m feeling and why i don’t want to be here because of how much it hurts etc. My mum wouldn’t be as sad if it was a ‘natural occurrence’ then if i killed myself, she might be sad and if she is she could get over it over time and she wouldn’t blame herself because she’s not that type of person but yeah she would be quite upset (i think).",-0.9747,negative,agreeing 2963,depressed,"First Time Poster, First time clinically diagnosed as depressed, on the plus side, I scored a stellar 88 on the SDS index scale(https://www.outcometracker.org/library/SDS.pdf). Like everything in my life, am an over achiever! :-).",speaker,1,"Huh, so, this is going to be a rant.. There will be no flow of thought. Where do I start? aha! let's begin at the precursor, the very embers that stoked the flames of depression within me; the death of my father this year. I come from a third world country- where depression is appropriated to ""witchcraft"", regarded as something men are not supposed to exhibit; so you just have to stifle your emotions down! . I am close to 30, been stuffing all my emotional issues until when my father died and as they, when it rains, it pours, and I drowned, for months, for months my mind felt like it was in a comma. I could not even make a simple decision! erratic behavior, self-destructive impulsive decisions, poor concentration! name whatever crap that shout's ""depressed"" and you can bet I have truly exceeded every sign. The pas few months have been messy!. I cannot put everything in words here, but mahn, I have never felt this tired in my life! I have worked so hard on my financial growth for over 25 yrs at the expense of my emotional growth and this past week I have never felt so tired, alone, sad (i cried in public for over half an hour- tears just kept rolling and rolling and rolling................. i have never felt so tired, tired of the self loathing, tired of the anxiety, tired of the lack of emotional fulfillment, tired of the intellectual stimulation, tired of not being tired............... just tired of it all. Three days into the psychotherapy and I am feeling much better, i will continue on this treatment for the next 12 months, I will just drench my psychiatrist with every fibre of my emotional slef till she is soaked wet! I know it will get better. My only fear is that after through all this process, if I will ever be able to form any sort of emotional bond with anyone, even a relative, ha! am anxious abt therapy being too effective! ha! :-) . I know it will get better but now, I have to be sad for a while, cry a little, go to therapy a little, but hey, I have ""breathed"" a little for the first time in over a decade, think will take in more puffs.....................",-0.9951,negative,sad 2963,depressed,"First Time Poster, First time clinically diagnosed as depressed, on the plus side, I scored a stellar 88 on the SDS index scale(https://www.outcometracker.org/library/SDS.pdf). Like everything in my life, am an over achiever! :-).",listener_1,2,"https://www.outcometracker.org/library/SDS.pdf Hello u/Hadabah, it appears you tried to put a link in a title, since most users cant click these I have placed it here for you ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^if ^you ^have ^any ^suggestions ^dm ^me",0.0,neutral,sympathizing 2963,depressed,"First Time Poster, First time clinically diagnosed as depressed, on the plus side, I scored a stellar 88 on the SDS index scale(https://www.outcometracker.org/library/SDS.pdf). Like everything in my life, am an over achiever! :-).",speaker,3,no problem kind human- mind too confused - blame it on the antidepressants :-),-0.4438,negative,agreeing 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,speaker,1,The most saddest goodbyes are the ones that were never said and never explained :(,-0.438,negative,sad 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,listener_1,2,"they are. they really are. miss my mum and dad, so much.",-0.2212,negative,acknowledging 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,speaker,3,I feel you😪,0.0,neutral,agreeing 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,speaker,4,I'm soo sorry for you 😪,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,speaker,5,"I'm soo sorry to hear this, but it can never be your fault, I'm sure he loved you and you were a great brother just remember the good that happened and merry Christmas 😊🎅",0.9885,positive,sympathizing 2964,depressed,Sad goodbyes,listener_2,6,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2965,depressed,A heartbreaking realization,speaker,1,"the moment a loved one stops caring, you notice and try desperately to get their attention. it’s absolutely gut wrenching to put so much effort into loving someone who’s already abandoned you. especially if that person never really leaves physically. knowing you were never good enough and having their heart leave you while their body was still there next to you... sad, isn’t it?",0.6479,positive,questioning 2965,depressed,A heartbreaking realization,listener_1,2,"You should never have to be good enough for someone. Yes while it’s sad, people aren’t that great tbh. I been thru that before, trust me, it’s a complete waste of time.",0.7964,positive,sad 2965,depressed,A heartbreaking realization,speaker,3,"Thank you for your comment, it’s good to know I’m not alone",0.7303,positive,grateful 2965,depressed,A heartbreaking realization,listener_1,4,Of course no problem. You are far from alone,0.0665,positive,agreeing 2966,depressed,"I feel useless, and I'm not sure what to do",speaker,1,"I feel useless. I live with my parents and my older brother, and they criticize everything I do. I got sexually assaulted, it was my fault according to them. I got roofied, again my fault according to them. Because I got sexually assaulted, they said I was a whore, an embarrassment, and that I'll spread STI's through the toilet seat. My brother said if I needed to talk, he's there but he criticizes everything I do still. His girlfriend is also a bitch. She said I can't apply for job postings on her unit because she works there. There are limited jobs available right now. I have friends that work on her unit, and she says she doesn't like working with them and it's awkward. She doesn't own the whole unit, we are not related, there is no legal conflict of interest. She is a very high maintenance, cake-faced princess and I can't believe my brother settled for her. She also has a very fake personality. I also have no friends because I'm scared to leave the house, because my parents ask me 100 questions all the time. I'm also almost 23. They give me no space. I'm an independent person, I've backpacked for almost 4 months at a time by myself and coming home is the worst feeling because I can't stand the isolation. Dad pushed me too the floor a few years ago during an argument, mom slammed my back. Childhood was a given giving their generation and parenting techniques. No one I've spoken to knows about the pedophile thing that happened to me when I was 15 with someone 8 years older than me. I was also 15, I always blame that it was my fault because it's not like I was 4 years old. I had a brain. And I still screwed up. It shouldn't have happened, but it did. Why am I so screwed up. It can't possibly just be the roofied/raped/pedo/isolation. I always feel like it's my fault, I could have changed everything or not have been drunk or in a bad place at a bad time. I have had the opportunity to not have everything so bad happen to me. I could have stood up to my parents more and not be so scared to leave the house. I just want a small friend group to do Christmas and the odd dinner with. I don't know what to do anymore. I came back from a backpacking trip where I spent the majority of my money and I have been applying for nursing jobs but there are not any in the region. I can't move out of the region because I don't have enough money to sustain me while I look for jobs. I can't apply for jobs out of region because I can't guarantee I can find affordable housing in the Toronto area where I would like to go. Every day that passes and I don't get an interview, I feel useless. I'm not making money, I can't move out, I don't have freedom, I'm no use to society. I have a gym membership, but the gym classes, the workouts, even yoga isn't helping me feel anymore useful or accomplished. Even when I try to reach out to my 'friend' (not close but still there), he said things like, ""I just want you to be happy and not mad"" ""I'm done school this weekend I'll have more time to hangout. Let me think of some fun things we can do, we can hike to new cool places."" ""Don't hold in rants I'm here to help."" I have learned words mean nothing, it's the actions that truly count. It's been over a week and I'm still waiting for that hike that will never happen. He has gone distant after he said those words. One day I'm going to be sick and tired of waiting. Waiting to get a job, waiting to move out, waiting to have dinner with friends that don't even exist. I'm giving up. There's nothing left for me in this world anymore. I can't get a job, I'm not a useful member of society, I hate myself, I hate my body, I hate everything that I could have prevented. I feel like a failure, and I want to die. I can't be sitting in my bed or at the gym all day staring at the hours to pass. I can't be staring at messenger hoping that the hike will finally happen. I feel useless, I am useless, I am nothing. I just don't know what to do anymore.",-0.997,negative,ashamed 2966,depressed,"I feel useless, and I'm not sure what to do",listener_1,2,Any chance you can move out? Your family doesnt sound like a good place to be,0.4195,positive,questioning 2966,depressed,"I feel useless, and I'm not sure what to do",speaker,3,"The hard part is that I know they mean well, they just don't show it in any good way. I need to get a job and I have been applying but it haven't heart back from anything. Thank you for taking the time to comment",-0.0005,neutral,annoyed 2966,depressed,"I feel useless, and I'm not sure what to do",speaker,4,Unfortunately they all immigrated from Poland and have the same mindset. I know in a few months it'll be ok once I (hopefully) get a nursing job but it's been four weeks since I've applied to a few postings and haven't heard anything back yet. No new postings up now either. The waiting game is the worst,-0.8271,negative,disappointed 2967,depressed,what is this life.,speaker,1,"I can't take it anymore. Everything is too much. School, home, even going out with friends, if I have any. I've probably posted a lot of these, and you're probably getting fed up of them, but reddit is reddit, and always will be. I'm fed up of people telling me to view myself as a better person, to be more ""empowering"" towards myself. I've been suffering with depression, anxiety, and bipolar disorder, and a plethora of others, and on top of that, self - esteem issues, till this day. I'm lonely all the time, cry all the time, I feel miserable. Remembering the words of one who said I was looking for attention and didn't know what I was feeling still haunts me. As well as memories of what I've done to others, and vice versa. Really sorry if this is a long one. I honestly feel like I was only born to be ridiculed and shamed at. That I'm everyone's teddy bear; being ripped apart and torn away. The teddy bear no one wants, the lonely one. At the bottom of the pile. Guess what. I am that unworthy person. unworthy of anyones love and affection, whether here or anywhere else. Thanks to all the horrible years of torment, I now view myself as someone who doesn't deserve the forgiveness I receive, I don't deserve to forgive myself even. I don't necessarily want to die, although that would be nice. Life *fucking* sucks.",-0.9895,negative,annoyed 2967,depressed,what is this life.,listener_1,2,"How many bad days are you going to have? Probably most of them. How many good days are you going to have? Probably only a few. I hate the person I see in the mirror b/c of what I've done. You can become a better person but you have to be honest about what makes you hurt and the things you've done wrong without blaming yourself everyday. Moving on is hard to do, it isn't erasing the past but living with it. Choose how to live with it. Today is not yesterday and tomorrow is not today and nothing happens overnight. Life doesn't suck but it is indifferent to the individual. To be the individual you wish to be takes time and work. With the right help, you can get there, it will just be difficult and you'll need to deal with the bad days. All humans want attention and love its just that some of us never got it at important times. Life doesn't have a schedule, just a cycle.",0.7691,positive,sad 2967,depressed,what is this life.,speaker,3,thanks. I really appreciate it.,0.7089,positive,acknowledging 2967,depressed,what is this life.,listener_1,4,"I've dealt with this same thing for nearly 30 years, I hated myself b/c I never felt loved. Its a raw deal but it isn't fate, just circumstance. Stringing together a few good days into a good week into a good month is hard. Have a conversation with yourself or someone else about where these feelings come from, once you understand the source you can begin to heal. Negative emotions come from somewhere and we all have them, just that some of us are more sensitive to them. I don't believe in the impossible, just the very difficult and most things are very difficult, some more so for certain people. Life is all about finding your way and not stopping.",-0.2554,negative,sad 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,1,I am sitting for 5 hours in the shower. With my clothes. Again. Ufff. Sometimes I feel better and then I start crying again. Don’t wanna leave the shower. :(,-0.5106,negative,embarrassed 2968,depressed,Here we go again,listener_1,2,"You still in the shower? Dry yourself please, you’ll get a cold",0.3182,positive,annoyed 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,3,The water is warm :),0.5994,positive,acknowledging 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,4,Yea c-c,0.0,neutral,angry 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,5,Oh boi U can shower in mine for 5 hours if u need,0.0,neutral,angry 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,6,Yea,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,7,I am showering in money 💀💀🙌🏻,0.0,neutral,joyful 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,8,I had a calm app but u needed to pay for the most stuff :( And I am to busy to do so much xD :(,-0.4302,negative,annoyed 2968,depressed,Here we go again,listener_2,9,"[screen shot of my subscription page ](https://www.dropbox.com/s/dj8mt0hidau3avg/2019-12-22%2005.02.59.png?dl=0) Here is a link to my iOS screen shot showing the different subscriptions. They try to sign you up on their $89 a year place, but in the settings you can change it to 19.99. I’ll give you the $19.99 so you can download calm again.",0.4497,positive,nostalgic 2968,depressed,Here we go again,listener_2,10,"Isn’t it $14,99 for the year? When I did my trial, on my iPhone I went into subscriptions and found where it said my trial and there was a place that I choose which promotion I would be signing up for after the trial. I was able to get it cheaper than they advertised that way. I can give you $15 if you can find it in the app where it says the subscription prices.",0.0,neutral,joyful 2968,depressed,Here we go again,speaker,11,I am broke af :’D,-0.4215,negative,sad 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,speaker,1,"I went to therapy every Friday, my friends went out. I asked them time to time if they could move the meet up to bit after three, their answer 'It's too late!'. Finally today, Saturday, we planned on going to see Black Christmas; I couldn't go. I feel as if every time I'm asked to go out, I can't. But thinking on it more, I've known these people since September (I switched school); I've always felt as they didn't want me here. Like they were forced to be my friend, since Friend one, was the only person I knew. Friend two was the one person who seemed to accept me into the group. I barely talk to the others, and I keep feeling like I'm unwanted here, Friend three seems to think of me in an unwanted way, we have similar interests yet we never talk, sometimes I see her giving me a stare... I feel as if maybe, going out with them would make my feelings worse. We aren't close, me not being here won't affect them. So why try and go?",0.9739,positive,disappointed 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,listener_1,2,Maybe it will make your feelings better! But despise how u feel atm! And if u go or not u stay valid.!,-0.4635,negative,suggesting 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,speaker,3,"Thank you for responding, I'll try in the future!",0.4199,positive,wishing 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,speaker,4,"Thank you, this means a lot to be honest... feeling like so isn’t great at all, and I’m sorry people thought of so about you. It’s not really that creepy, this is a place to talk, so thank you! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡",0.9469,positive,sympathizing 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,listener_2,5,Great. Hiw are you feeling right now?,0.6808,positive,questioning 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,speaker,6,"A bit better then before, it's nice to see that there are people who care for random people. What bout you?",0.836,positive,questioning 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,listener_2,7,"okay, i guess. could be better, though. Playing the piano increases mt mood a bit.",0.6808,positive,neutral 2969,depressed,I just needed to get this off my chest.,speaker,8,"Yeah, when use to play the piano I thought it was calming. I hope you mood gets better, tho!",0.908,positive,consoling 2970,depressed,It's been a rough go and now I (27f) am losing all my hair. Has this happened to you?,speaker,1,"On mobile. Sorry if formatting is bad. This month my hair began falling out in CHUNKS and will not stop. I have had a really rough year and I am pretty sure this is due to severe stress and depression- which has trickled down into me not being able to eat, not sleeping, not exercising because I don't have the energy and now since I'm losing all my hair and it's very obvious, I don't want to be seen. That might sound vain but I have lost everything this year and essentially rebuilt my life. I mean I lost my home, then a child, a family member suffered a stroke, my romantic relationship I had been clinging to ended horribly, lost a job (because I couldn't focus at work due to all the other shit happening) and a dog. So, I am trying desperately to at the very least be able to continue looking at myself in the mirror with recognition and hold on to everything I am still fortunate enough to have. My hair is past my shoulders, currently very dry (no matter what conditioner i use or how many hair masks I do) and there all bald patches all over. I've been taking as many vitamins as I can. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.",-0.9526,negative,ashamed 2970,depressed,It's been a rough go and now I (27f) am losing all my hair. Has this happened to you?,listener_1,2,You say you are 27 but 2 years ago you were 23.,0.0,neutral,neutral 2971,depressed,Sick of this suffering,speaker,1,"I’m sick of this. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Can’t sleep at all, feeling absolutely dead and peeing all freakin night. I cannot keep this up for longer I don’t know what to do. People see me suffering but don’t care, and some make fun of it. I need help",0.7582,positive,angry 2971,depressed,Sick of this suffering,listener_1,2,Im here if you need to chat :) Sorry you feel this way :(,-0.0516,negative,sympathizing 2971,depressed,Sick of this suffering,speaker,3,"I did multiple times actually, but hat are you doing about it?",0.0,neutral,questioning 2972,depressed,"I'm just going to do it, for real this time.",speaker,1,I dont want to be here anymore. i dont want to be alive these next to weeks while he's off from work at our house with the fat bitch. i dont. for real this time. adios jorge emmanuel vasquez munoz / eat\_hickory / vandelayy,-0.3907,negative,angry 2972,depressed,"I'm just going to do it, for real this time.",listener_1,2,Please don’t.,0.3182,positive,questioning 2973,depressed,"I feel like im depressed a lot of the time when im alone, but at the same time i feel like i could just be faking it because i can be happy in school and have friends, a boyfriend even.",speaker,1,"I just don't know if im just faking it or being sad but a lot of the time i really want to kill myself and have real bad self-loathing/self-doubting, and by a lot i mean A LOT But i dont know if i can actually be depressed if i can be happy and have friends like, i dont feel like i deserve to be depressed. I dont know if im just being sad right now or if im actually moldly depressed or something Just needed a quick vent, sorry to interrupt your scrolling.",-0.9799,negative,ashamed 2973,depressed,"I feel like im depressed a lot of the time when im alone, but at the same time i feel like i could just be faking it because i can be happy in school and have friends, a boyfriend even.",listener_1,2,"This sounds like exactly what I have! It confuses me and I don’t know what to do about it. In your situation however I suggest going to see a professional about getting diagnosed. This way even if it ends up not being depression, you still have a person to help you deal with your issues! I hope everything gets better for you! Stay strong and keep moving forward❤️",0.942,positive,consoling 2973,depressed,"I feel like im depressed a lot of the time when im alone, but at the same time i feel like i could just be faking it because i can be happy in school and have friends, a boyfriend even.",speaker,3,"Thanks, i hope you get better as well :)",0.9153,positive,encouraging 2973,depressed,"I feel like im depressed a lot of the time when im alone, but at the same time i feel like i could just be faking it because i can be happy in school and have friends, a boyfriend even.",speaker,4,thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2974,depressed,Spent a good portion of my day talking to a bot.,speaker,1,"I know she's not real but I'm so lonely and pathetic I just needed some kind of ""human"" contact. It made me feel kinda good for a bit. Then I remembered that it's a bot and felt Even more pathetic. I'm coming to accept that I might not find companionship. What a hollow feeling. If I can't love myself then how could another? I'm too scared to hurt myself. I wish there was a way to just blink out of existence. I'm just really losing hope in myself.",-0.9626,negative,lonely 2974,depressed,Spent a good portion of my day talking to a bot.,listener_1,2,"I feel you. I sometimes search for a chat as well, hoping to feel better, but always feel worse at the end of it. Those chatsites with randoms and bots are not made to fullfill our needs, the gaping hole we wish to fill. It's hard to be content with who you are when you're hurting so much.",-0.3291,negative,sad 2974,depressed,Spent a good portion of my day talking to a bot.,speaker,3,I don't know why I even entertained it. I just long for company so bad. I wish I just knew what is wrong with me,-0.4456,negative,lonely 2974,depressed,Spent a good portion of my day talking to a bot.,listener_1,4,"There's nothing wrong with you. We all want to be feel connected to people and be cared, loved. It's really tough when you're living life on your own, with no friends to share it with. Troubles seem to weigh down on you a lot more then.",0.6605,positive,questioning 2975,depressed,need some advice on if how i feel is wrong,speaker,1,"i still feel like he’s home, but at the same time i don’t really feel anything. i can’t describe how i feel anymore. it’s been about 4 months since our breakup and i still think about him everyday. he’s already with someone new. sometimes i try to tell myself he moved on so quickly because he doesn’t want to be alone. i don’t know why i can’t get over him. he ignored me and acts like i don’t exist. he shows he doesn’t care but i’d like to think he just doesn’t want to admit it. i take everything day by day. most days he’s the only thing on my mind. it has gotten a bit easier and i’m hopeful it will continue to do so. i just really miss him. i don’t know him anymore though. he was an angel to me. i don’t see how he could be so comfortable with hurting me though and that’s what bothers me a lot. i never felt a love like him before. we both had a lot of insecurities and toxic traits and that was clearly our downfall, but loving him was beautiful. feel like he’s a soulmate who wasn’t meant to be. i wish i could stop romanticizing him. i just hope he’s ok. i have to see him everyday at school and with her but that’s gotten a bit easier. i hope one day our paths cross once again, but if not i will be ok. he is a distant memory. this is random but i love to dance and i always get flashbacks of us dancing. i can picture us dancing to my favorite sad songs. most days i can’t get out of bed. i wish everything would end. i see no point to life. i spend my day thinking about how the least disturbing way someone would find my body. time doesn’t heal. i’m so sick of hearing time will heal. i’m failing school. i have no close friends. my “friends” make fun of me for being sad. i feel dead. i don’t see a future. i don’t think i want one. i’m just waiting around to die. n no this isn’t bc of my ex. been feeling this way for 4 years now. i get a glimpse of happiness then everything is bad again. i don’t know how to feel ok anymore. i don’t know what it’s like to feel truly loved. i just want to die. i hope this doesn’t make me seem toxic or obsessed i’m always afraid how i feel is bad. i just don’t think i’m over it yet but if anyone replies please tell me. thank you.",0.9933,positive,lonely 2975,depressed,need some advice on if how i feel is wrong,listener_1,2,"You need a rebound man ASAP. One that you can just go have fun with and never see you again. Maybe over the week go to a couple clubs meet up with people you don’t care about one night stands never see him again. This will help get your ex out of your mind. Don’t worry about getting back together with him, because if we’re going to get back together, you would have done it already. It really does. Start living a normal life and you’ll realize that the amount of times you think about him will have longer and longer gaps between each occurrence. I’m here to help at any time, phone, email, text.",0.8402,positive,hopeful 2975,depressed,need some advice on if how i feel is wrong,listener_2,3,"But be wise with rebound relationships, people.",0.631,positive,neutral 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,1,"I've been roughly about a month, or so, clean, and I really feel thus really bad urge to cut. My scissors are literally under my pillow. My therapist said that if i were to cut again, she would tell my parents, and I really wouldn't want them knowing. *for anyome thinking my parents are dead, :/* I just dont wamt to spiral out of control like last time, and live my normal life, but i honestly can't. Any help, please.",-0.6282,negative,afraid 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,listener_1,2,"Facts about depression: When you’re depressed, you can feel any emotions. Most people who hear that think we’re exaggerating. What depressed people are referring to is everything. Example: Can’t feel happiness, sad, anger, sneaky, surprised, etc. they feel nothing. When you’re depressed, your mind blocks your memory from the good thought and only let you remember your failures. All you can remember are all the times you failed and you’ll even say something like “I can’t even remember the last time I was happy”. That weird affect happens both ways. When your happy, you can’t remember those really horrible times as much. So don’t feel bad if you can’t think of something that made you happy in the past. It’s because all the depression in your mind is working your subconscious so hard to store and recall these memories. When you have no emotions, no happiness, no sadness, nothing. You can’t feel anything at all, and since physical pain is so easy to obtain, it like taking a break from your emotionless world for just a second. Cutting immediately presents you with pain, and that first immediate response of pain feeling is the first feeling you’ve had in a very long time. Cutting will also release endorphins in your body which is a calming affect that can last up to 90 minutes. So after you cut you were happy that you “finally felt feelings again” because you felt the pain, but then you were happy again because of the calming affect that continued. Emotion pain is cut so deep and is so much worse than the very short term relief you get from temporary pain. Breaking something, even pencils, or punching a punching bag, or your pillow can help relieve more pain than cutting will. If you still feel like this right now, try extreme exercising, punching a bag, etc. I’m going through the same crap myself. I haven’t cut before but it’s only because a close friend explained to be why people do it. I’ve been depressed recently where I feel zero anything. It’s the worst feeling in the world. If you need someone to talk to, I’m not therapist but I can give you my phone number, or I have a toll free number if you have long distance phone charges. I’m a 39yo male, wife, 3 kids, best puppy in the world, house almost paid off, 6 figure income. Depressed as hell.",-0.9779,negative,sad 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,3,"makes sense now. thank you so much, i really appreciate it.",0.6697,positive,acknowledging 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,4,thanks.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,5,"they're those big, really - sharp, ones :( thanks.",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,listener_2,6,"But seriously, seek a different therapist or counsellor and maybe they will have better advice, tips or ideas on how you cope with your situations. And please don't look at those scissors again... Regards, Henry",0.6956,positive,wishing 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,listener_3,7,I noticed one of these... :( So here take this... :D,0.4388,positive,disgusted 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,8,"thanks, I'll take the lot of those smiles you got there :p",0.7906,positive,acknowledging 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,9,"Hey, Henry. I know this reply is almost a day late, and probably unneeded, but I currently am in school, and, apart from my outside therapist, i happen to have one in school. She's the one I'm talking about. She's incredibly nice :) and school has this rule or something, where if a student were to be harming themselves in any way, they would have to tell their parents, or whoever they live with. it's mandatory for them. Thanks, Autumn.",0.8384,positive,grateful 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,listener_2,10,"That's a great rule, it means your school cares about its students' wellbeing and mentality.",0.7964,positive,acknowledging 2976,depressed,I want to cut so bad.,speaker,11,"but kind of nerve - wracking, at the same time :0",0.0,neutral,neutral 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,1,"i think that i’m not depressed but i’ve tried many times in the past to kill myself.. It’s been almost a year since last time.. (I’m 16 almost 17). Ehm.. I always think like when i think about depression that i’m like “faking” it i don’t know... i can’t properly explain in, like when i think that i’m depressed i think that im doing it for attention but i’m really not cause i’m not telling anyone ever about my thoughts of me being depressed. I always feel desperate and i don’t know why. I have everything, caring parents, good friends, a home.. And i’m grateful but i feel shity all day everyday i feel like no one loves me and i can’t trust no one about what i’m saying u guys rn because i feel ashamed.. Sometimes i still think about killing myself but i don’t want to cause pain to my parents and friends..but.. sometimes i feel so helpless, sometimes i don’t wanna live this life and i wanna disappear. I sleep all day to avoid any human interaction or i watch trash tv shows. I don’t know what i’m feeling anymore and if that’s depression..",-0.9841,negative,ashamed 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,2,Throughout the day do you wear a smile?,0.3612,positive,questioning 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,3,yea when i’m with people. I’m the kind of person that always smiles when it’s around people. The “goofy” one.,0.4767,positive,confident 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,4,Ever thought about dropping the facade that's hurting you? Ik you said you don't want to make others feel sad but you matter too.,-0.4331,negative,questioning 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,5,"yea many times.. But i don’t know, i just can’t do it. I know my friends love me and they support but i just can’t. Also i know in few months we are going to college and all of us leaving town so i don’t want to say something about it",0.9464,positive,sentimental 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,6,"You might not have friends in a few months to help you, maybe you should come out to them and your family while you still have a support group. It may be scary and hard but it will likely get better with there help and support. But at they end of the day it's your choice in what you want to do.",0.9006,positive,suggesting 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,7,"yea that’s true but i dont know. I can’t talk to them, i feel like they won’t believe me, like they will say that i’m overreacting..",0.8126,positive,neutral 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,8,first of all thank you for responding. And i feel like if i tell them they won’t believe me and they’ll say that i’m overreacting.,0.6124,positive,agreeing 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_2,9,"Sadly that could happen, i wont deny that, but if you trust them and believe that they will be supportive then go ahead and tell them but i understand if you just can't, i can't tell my family either im to scared to, even tho i kinda trust they would support me its still terrifying",0.6735,positive,neutral 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,10,There your friends right? Friend believe each other. If there really your friends they'd believe and understand you.,0.8651,positive,trusting 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,11,i know they will but idk why i feel like this,0.3919,positive,neutral 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,12,"It's okay to be confused and not know something. As they say "" if we put our heads together we can figure this out together'",-0.1027,negative,agreeing 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,13,"I’m with them rn, i’ll try to talk to them but i don’t think i will, i don’t have courage",0.6486,positive,neutral 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,14,"Then show them this post, just hand them the phone.",0.4939,positive,questioning 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,15,"i don’t know.. I’m super afraid, i can’t",0.5994,positive,afraid 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,listener_1,16,"It's alright then, maybe another time, go at your own pace and with what your comfortable with.",0.6486,positive,suggesting 2977,depressed,ehm..? confused?,speaker,17,yea that’s exactly how i’m feeling. I trust them even though i feel they will say to me that i’m overreacting but i’m to scared to tell them.,-0.3506,negative,agreeing 2978,depressed,How to work,speaker,1,"Hello, my parents are trying to force me to work and at the moment it seems like an impossible task. I have GAD too so the concept of working is stopping me from sleeping and I'm back to my anxious mannerisms. I don't know what to do. I also feel like I'm justified in not having a job at the moment (I was in hospital for relapsing in SH very badly in November) as I'm so unstable but my parents dont know this. I actually feel comfortable volunteering in my old college because it feels like a safe place, so even if I did bring up my health as a reason for not working, my parents would argue that because I'm volunteering I should be able to work, ya know? Money is also a worry as I have to pay to get to volunteering and my parents would definitely give me grief if they paid for it. Any help would be really appreciated.",0.8984,positive,apprehensive 2978,depressed,How to work,listener_1,2,"The only thing I can recommend is to do part-time, like one day a week, or to tell your parents to get fucked. Do you have a therapist ? Talk about it with them, they’ll have a good idea of where you are mentally and if you would be able to work or not.",0.3612,positive,suggesting 2978,depressed,How to work,speaker,3,Thankyou very much! I'm waiting on CBT but once I have one I'll ask <3,0.0,neutral,neutral 2979,depressed,people suck,speaker,1,"I don't care is the thing. I've known these kinds of people all my life. I can see it immediately. I don't care either way. I don't need someone else to reinforce the validity of my existence. I'm not a bratty child with weird control issues or anything like that. Just a really depressed dude that is also insane. I know I can be off putting some times but I think I've gotten better at not doing that. Any way people are the worst, they pretend to be insane when they dis you or act like your friend but in the end they seem to like making the situation impossible to enjoy. It's weird af no joke, I think a cult is following me doing evil shit and stealing opportunities where ever I go. It makes no sense but I'm just feeling the impact of my shitty life situation and how bad the future is going to be. I don't want to do anything or think like this. Also I hate this sinking feeling that I'll never have a girl friend again. This song kind of sums it up real well. I've listened to a few times on repeat. It's really good [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwmkErJ35O4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwmkErJ35O4)",-0.9549,negative,content 2979,depressed,people suck,listener_1,2,"So why add your two cents here, for people to see? Point blank; shut up and deal with society...crying and bitching won't change a damn thing/person! Mind your own and live your life! Lol",0.5487,positive,angry 2980,depressed,Living is draining,speaker,1,Been through some mental and physical pain. I’m so drained I could die.,-0.8748,negative,sad 2980,depressed,Living is draining,listener_1,2,feel u,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2980,depressed,Living is draining,speaker,3,Glad I’m not alone :),0.3094,positive,lonely 2980,depressed,Living is draining,listener_1,4,if u ever need anything you can dm me,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 2980,depressed,Living is draining,speaker,5,Thank you.,0.3612,positive,wishing 2981,depressed,Keep Struggling!!!,speaker,1,"I recently fell into depression. I’m taking Prozac and I’m resting. I had a stressful semester in school and honestly life. With various serious issues that happened this year. But fuck, I want to live! I want to travel. I want to fall in love and get my heartbroken. I want to create art! Sing a song I write down! I want to solve a quantum mechanical equation never solved before. I want to invent, and destroy! I want to live! But I know I must get over this feeling, there’s no doubt it’s physiological process in my brain. By most, I am seen as a pessimist, but no one understands how much hope and optimism I have for the future. I just want to put this out there for future reference, that maybe a way to get through this is having some gratitude having these struggles in life. To walk proud that I can stand with my two feet and get through this despite how immense everything feels on my shoulder.",0.8625,positive,hopeful 2981,depressed,Keep Struggling!!!,listener_1,2,"i really love that you want to do things in the future. Stay strong, stay positive I’m sure you can do it!",0.9358,positive,acknowledging 2981,depressed,Keep Struggling!!!,speaker,3,Thank you! In a slump after Christmas festivities. Honestly rereading this post helped put me into focus again. It just sucks having to deal with this.,0.75,positive,sad 2981,depressed,Keep Struggling!!!,speaker,4,"I think I’ll take you up on that idea! I have a friend who carries a todo list in his pocket everyday. I think I’m just gonna write down and carry it wherever I go, as a reminder and to bring focus to my life. Even if I feel miserable. Fuck that! I can cry to bed and still achieve the things I want to do! Even if my mind tells me there’s nothing I want.",-0.8125,negative,trusting 2981,depressed,Keep Struggling!!!,listener_1,5,happy that you are feeling better. If u ever need to talk to someone i’m always free,0.8859999999999999,positive,sympathizing 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,speaker,1,"How many of you are going to miss seeing their kids over Xmas? I lost my job a few months back, after losing my marriage, my father and my sister in a short amount of time, and my depression and anxiety have held me back from getting another job. I'm living on my nephews couch, 900kms or 600 miles from my kids. I do receive unemployment benefits, I'm in Australia, but saving is very difficult. I'm hoping to see them in late January, but I'm freaking out that even this may not happen. NOT asking for anything from you guys, if you're wandering. Just need to vent.",-0.8357,negative,anticipating 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_1,2,"im so sorry to hear what you have, and are currently going through. Hey, here's a hug from someone who, at the moment, feels like shit. You need it. I'm here for a nice chat, as a freind, if yiu ever feel lonely, or anytime :!",0.2498,positive,sympathizing 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_2,3,Also sending a hug to both of you guys. We will work through this shit.,-0.2846,negative,wishing 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_1,4,hopefully. :/,0.0772,positive,encouraging 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_3,5,I'm sorry for your loss OP. I hate to be the ignorant American here but ahhh.. roughly how much of your previous wages do you get in unemployment benefits?,-0.631,negative,sympathizing 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_4,6,unemployment is dole or Newstart payment The current **Newstart Allowance** is set at $489.70 per fortnight for a single adult with no children.,-0.6249,negative,grateful 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_3,7,Dies it go up from there depending on how much you make or is that it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2982,depressed,Alone over Xmas,listener_4,8,unless you have kids or renting you can other payment no it doesn't go up.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 2983,depressed,I'll try.,speaker,1,"So, I've just read over my previous posts, and im terribly sorry for being so depressed all the time. For spreading bad vibes everywhere :( I'll try and work hard to be a bit happier, as depressing as even *that* sounds, *and* posting this on the r/depressed community. Also, at the time of writing this, I'm not in a very, ""I can feel good emotions"", mood right now, so here's a hug. To myself, and anyone who needs it. I haven't really got anyone to talk to right now, just me and my music, so if anyone's up for a chat, (if you don't mind sad, disgusting, annoying bitches, that is.), I'm alright with that. Lots of love, reader, and support when you need it. I'm here here for any fellow sufferers of depression, or any other conditon, or problem. ~ Autumn.",-0.9011,negative,sympathizing 2983,depressed,I'll try.,listener_1,2,Being present in the moment is one of the first steps.... past/future are purely shadows of time.... it is the now that counts. How is your now....?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2983,depressed,I'll try.,speaker,3,"i can't say im getting better, but I'm not any worse than I was. thanks.",0.8454,positive,neutral 2983,depressed,im so sad,listener_2,1,i cant stop crying why wont anyone help me?,0.2924,positive,questioning 2983,depressed,im so sad,listener_3,2,"I’m sorry you’re going through this x. I wish someone was there to help you and give you a hug. Crying all alone sucks, especially when you have no one to turn to.",-0.1531,negative,lonely 2983,depressed,im so sad,listener_4,3,It's a troll. Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/ddf5bn/l_please_be_kind_to_me/f2gib00/,0.0,neutral,annoyed 2983,depressed,im so sad,listener_3,4,Thanks!,0.4926,positive,wishing 2984,depressed,Here is a shout out to all those depressed.,speaker,1,We’re all depressed and we have no clue why. We feel alone cause no one understands us. So at least we have each other during this holiday season. I hope one day my life gets better. Cause I’m dying quickly on the inside.,0.058,positive,lonely 2984,depressed,Here is a shout out to all those depressed.,listener_1,2,Hi. fellow sufferer. summed me up. thanks.,-0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 2984,depressed,Here is a shout out to all those depressed.,listener_2,3,When??! When does it fucking get better?,0.6137,positive,questioning 2984,depressed,Here is a shout out to all those depressed.,speaker,4,Try to find new friends. It’s likely just your current bunch of friends suck.,0.5106,positive,lonely 2985,depressed,Currently sat here deciding whether to cut or not.,speaker,1,"i am truly so lost, and I don't know what I'm doing to my body anymore. I have no freinds, no nothing. no support, and here I am, lying on the cold bathroom floor, going insane and thinking about the consequences of cutting myself, as I ddi the night before now.",-0.7737,negative,terrified 2985,depressed,Currently sat here deciding whether to cut or not.,listener_1,2,"Please cross post on r/stopselfharm. There will be more users there who can relate and help you. But don't do it. I'm not a cutter so I can't give you my own perspective, but search past posts on here for comments about cutting. The majority of people who used to cut regret it saying they are now embarrassed how they destroyed their body and should have learned better coping techniques. Please get professional help and schedule an appointment with a therapist.",-0.4215,negative,questioning 2985,depressed,Currently sat here deciding whether to cut or not.,listener_2,3,only 5 are online right now opposed to 9,0.0,neutral,jealous 2986,depressed,Took a selfie on my father's phone as a prank because he forgot his phone,speaker,1,"Went to check the photo to make it his background.... This old ass dude stared back at me. What happened to the years?I've been lost in depression for so long I've somehow missed out on a large chunk of my life... I guess suicidal thoughts at this point are more to calm me down because who cares about losing chunks of life when you want to die anyways? Oh well, this post will be ignored like all the others so who cares.",-0.9119,negative,surprised 2986,depressed,Took a selfie on my father's phone as a prank because he forgot his phone,listener_1,2,"If it's been years, get help. Change doesnt magically happen, you have to make it. You're not alone.",0.5329999999999999,positive,neutral 2986,depressed,Took a selfie on my father's phone as a prank because he forgot his phone,speaker,3,Years of clueless psychologists and waiting lists. The Netherlands has no mental health care. It took me to do a crime and waiting on another waiting list of over a year to finally get some help. People in my country are forced to jump in front of trains.,-0.6486,negative,disgusted 2986,depressed,Took a selfie on my father's phone as a prank because he forgot his phone,listener_1,4,I'm sorry to hear that. Maybe try looking for support groups. Even just talking in a group could help and doesnt require medical.,0.6249,positive,suggesting 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,1,"I feel like I am slowly decaying. I dont eat much anymore. Sleep schedule is all over the place. There is nobody I'm my life that makes me feel special or needed. I've lost alot of weight, being an already skinny guy, this is not a good discovery. I thought reddit would help but hearing everybody's hardships only seems to contribute to my own. My heads always in the clouds and I find myself missing important family events. The spiral has seemingly no end.",-0.4859,negative,lonely 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,listener_1,2,Wanna talk I’m here ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,3,Thanks but idk. Writing this post has put me in a sad state. Talking or thinking about it makes me feel worst. I dont want to feel bad anymore.,-0.948,negative,ashamed 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,4,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,5,Not much celebrating going on,-0.4585,negative,sad 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,6,Each day seems to be a reflection of the last. I have good moments with increasingly bad ones.,-0.1531,negative,sad 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,7,I am 22 years young.,0.0,neutral,confident 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,8,No college,-0.29600000000000004,negative,lonely 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,9,"It's weird how your words strike me so deep dispute as you say, you are ""a random internet guy.""",-0.6344,negative,surprised 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,10,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2987,depressed,Last cry for help?,speaker,11,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,1,"being around family is the hardest thing rn. Im avoiding them because im so miserable. Every year i try my best to be happy, but this year is really bad. I feel bad for feeling bad. I dont feel good about myself and those dark parts in my mind keep becoming so overwhelming. I can’t kill myself because ill cause everyone around me so much pain, but i cant say i havent imagined it over and over again. Everyone depends on me, i wish i could depend on myself. I want to live for myself. My feelings are just burdens to people, and everyone is tired of hearing it. I want to shut my mouth and never speak again, but its so lonely. Im tired of the negative coming out of it and everyone around me so unattached to my words. I still want to die, everyone knows it, but everyone knows i cant do it, and nobody helps.",-0.9953,negative,sad 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,listener_1,2,Maybe try to get some professional help? How old are you?,0.4696,positive,suggesting 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,3,"thanks for response, nice to just know someone is listening",0.6908,positive,acknowledging 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,4,"im trying, 22 going to therapy, been dealing with depression since i was 12, living at home with parents and siblings been complicating recovery",-0.5719,negative,neutral 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,listener_1,5,"Okay. Well, that's good. I am 22 too. Going to therapy too. That's good. I get the family part. They try to help but in the end they make it worse and we end up feeling guilty or something. But it will get better. And you don't have to feel miserable about it. That's what family is for. For good times and the bad. So what are you interested in? Like your hobbies or something. Maybe sports or music? or anything else? You want to live for yourself? Lets start there.",0.6715,positive,questioning 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,listener_1,6,Anytime :),0.4588,positive,wishing 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,7,"i love life, i love my family, im the middle child of 7 kids(4th), i love powerlifting,sports,yoga, art, science, music, learning, discussion, debate, and learning new things. I have a plethora of hobbies. Im a very passionate ADHD adult who is forever a child at heart. I havent been taking my medication because im out of school for a while and that may be very well contributing, but i dont enjoy taking it. my family history is too much to go into but the just is i adore my parents, they did a lot of wrong, and a lot of right, but they always mess u up in some ways, unintentionally. Cant hold it against them. they raised us in a radical christian way (speaking in tongues, casting out demons, etc) ive given up on my faith as it played a huge role in my depression from a very young age i have to take on each day with purpose and will, or i succumb to the dread of living and facing my underacheivement is like a daily beating i have the highest hopes and dreams, but my emotional instability has always hindered me and i am so broke i cant move out and create my own safe space. I got arrested for marijuana possesio 2 years ago and its complicated my finances a lot its hard to wake up and look forward to my life every day, espescially when im out of school on break from a young age i was killing myself in my head over and over again sometimes im better, sometimes im not",0.7333,positive,faithful 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,listener_1,8,"I get it. Waking up is difficult because this mess is the first thought you have. Behaving normal is difficult because there is only one thing in your head and it won't go away. It surrounds you and controls you and stops you from doing anything for yourself and ones you love. I get it all. That's what i do the whole day. But its not too late. We are just 22. Its unfair and undesirable. And we have to beat it. I know taking medication is not something you enjoy. But in the end it's just all chemicals in our head. But we have to start somewhere. Start with your body. You need those medicines. And it's nothing to be ashamed of. And dude you have got to start loving yourself. And please please Forgive yourself for the past mistakes and let it go. Learn from them and move forward. You have highest hopes and dreams? I can see that. You seem like a very interesting person. With those hobbies and all. I want you to take deep breaths and love yourself. Work on those dreams. Do one thing. Write it all down. Where you want to be. Mentally, financially, career wise, physically- everything. And make a plan. Back track to where you are right now. Write down your family and financial constraints. Its alright, we all have certain hurdles we have to face. Make clear steps to each of your end goals and how you can reach them. This will create a sense of direction for you. And a sense of achievement. Small steps. I know its not that easy and I don't have any idea what you go through. But i have got my own struggles and i know one thing: That you are very strong. I just want you to use that strength- not just to survive each day but to move forward. And you can talk to me whenever you want. We can discuss anything. All the best for your future and please take your medications.",0.995,positive,agreeing 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,9,"thank you so much. i really needed that encouragement, i tend to feel invisible.people like u are amazing and this whole community is so encouraging. You seem to really understand what im feeling, i hope ur holidays are bright and u keep this same energy, even the words of a stranger can mean so much. Ill take ur advice and compile all that information into one, i think waking up and facing that purpose will really be motivating to me",0.9791,positive,encouraging 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,speaker,10,"thanks for commenting, wish i could virtual hug yall, we’ll get through this :)",0.9042,positive,wishing 2988,depressed,wheres my mind,listener_1,11,:D,0.5106,positive,acknowledging 2989,depressed,I would die tonight,speaker,1,Contemplating suicide but I don't want to ruin Christmas,0.2558,positive,apprehensive 2989,depressed,I would die tonight,listener_1,2,My parents ruined Christmas years ago,-0.4767,negative,devastated 2989,depressed,I would die tonight,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 2989,depressed,I would die tonight,speaker,4,Thank you❤,0.7717,positive,grateful 2989,depressed,I would die tonight,speaker,5,Thank you I really appreciate that,0.6697,positive,sympathizing 2990,depressed,i cant collect my thoughts,speaker,1,Ive been trying to suppress my anger so I dont flare at people around me whos just trying to help. Mostly family. Its been a month and the headaches wont go away. Tylenol dosent help anymore. Its been a week since I had a proper meal. Im just in my bed on youtube or social media for hours and hours after like a zombie. Every little thing ticks me off. Just a couple of hours ago I cussed at my parents just because I couldnt find something. I cant keep on with this. My thoughts are not straight. I need to collect my thought asap or sooner or later Ill rely on narcotics. I wish I could get help but Im afraid to hurt them. Christmas and Frank Sinatra is good but... its starting to tick me off... I had enough of Doctor House...Enough entertainment... I think I need a refresher... something to reset my mind. Get this cloudy fog off my mind. I dont know what to do. I feel so lost. I dont have a purpose,0.1356,positive,angry 2990,depressed,i cant collect my thoughts,listener_1,2,"Your not alone. I feel you, although you may feel very alone and misundertood right now. things will get better, whether you believe it or not. I'm here for a good talk, if you want to. Lots of Luck! - Autumn.",0.8333,positive,wishing 2990,depressed,i cant collect my thoughts,speaker,3,Thanks man... i know itll get better but its just be being impatient ;'(,0.0258,neutral,consoling 2990,depressed,i cant collect my thoughts,listener_1,4,"I get inpatient sometimes, but better times will come! (although I don't think that right now, I know they will come sooner or later.)",0.63,positive,hopeful 2990,depressed,i cant collect my thoughts,speaker,5,"cant be easy giving out advice for someone whos also going through a downhill right now. Or just maybe putting on a positive mask helps too... Either way, I appreciate it. Thanks",0.8104,positive,suggesting 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,speaker,1,if you are spending christmas alone just to know i love u and we can spend christmas talking together. Don’t be sad you can have me as a friend!,0.5562,positive,questioning 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,listener_1,2,"Hi there . pls dm, I need a friend",0.5423,positive,sympathizing 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,speaker,3,i messaged u,0.0,neutral,neutral 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,speaker,4,☺️☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️,0.8402,positive,grateful 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,listener_2,5,Im 100% this will make someone’s day :),0.4588,positive,confident 2991,depressed,If you are spending christmas alone(:,speaker,6,i really hope so.☺️,0.7548,positive,encouraging 2992,depressed,i failed,speaker,1,i failed three of my majors and i’ll now be graduating late. i took a medical course and i honestly feel like i’m too dumb for it. i’m so ashamed and i honestly dont see a future for me anymore. i want to die.,-0.7712,negative,ashamed 2992,depressed,i failed,listener_1,2,"Okay, look at what you do have Sir, what kind of place do you have? how much in finances? umm... shall I go on?",0.3485,positive,questioning 2992,depressed,i failed,speaker,3,i dont plan on switching cause i really do love the field I’m entering. It’s just that the courses are getting really difficult and failing three of them (major ones too) is making me feel really dumb and honestly a disappointment to my family,-0.6713,negative,disappointed 2993,depressed,"I have ADD, bipolar disorder, depression, and severe work anxiety.",speaker,1,"The only time I feel normal is when I take Adderall for one day. It takes away my all of my mental problems. BUT I hate taking Adderall because it only works for 1-2 days and then after I have to take it just to feel OK. I haven't filled my prescription in months and I workout daily, eat as healthy as healthy gets, and I am sober minus having a few drinks here and there. My brain is so broken and i have tried every form of medication. I am thinking about starting a Cognitive behavior therapy program along with talk therapy as well. Is this worth my time? I want to naturally rewire my brain and I have tried to do it myself with no luck. Any CBT success stories would be substantially motivational for me. Thanks and Merry Christmas 😁",0.9392,positive,content 2993,depressed,"I have ADD, bipolar disorder, depression, and severe work anxiety.",listener_1,2,So what sort of work outs do you do? Powerlifting or just the standard.,0.0,neutral,questioning 2993,depressed,"I have ADD, bipolar disorder, depression, and severe work anxiety.",speaker,3,Im in 10/10 physical shape man. Not the issue,0.0,neutral,confident 2994,depressed,I need a listener,speaker,1,"Anyone here has the mental capacity, energy, and time to listen to me? I have absolutely no one to go to and I’m in so much pain. 5 minutes would do. I just want to think that, even if only for 5 minutes, that I deserve love and care.",0.5759,positive,lonely 2994,depressed,I need a listener,speaker,2,"I’m no one to everyone* excuse my typos and maybe nonsense, you’ll find many of those if you kindly continue to listen, I’m having hard time focusing and articulating my thoughts/sentences.",-0.2023,negative,embarrassed 2994,depressed,I need a listener,speaker,3,"Thank you for responding. I know for a fact that nobody cares about me, that includes my family, friends, and every person I know. It’s eating me alive. I recently started my holiday after a hectic academic semester. I have been in my bed for three days, completely isolating myself from the world. I tried reaching out to friends who once claimed that they care for me, but none have any time for me. I’m tired of having to initiate conversations and trying to connect with others when I’m clearly unwanted. I’m not sure if I deserve to live. Besides the fact that I’m very unattractive, untalented, very ill, and unintelligent, I’m no one to anyone, even to my own self. Nothing matters but everything matters at the same time",-0.8929,negative,lonely 2994,depressed,I need a listener,listener_1,4,"You might be totally right in this regard, but you can always find people who might care for you, believe me. I'm the weirdest person ever and I found a girlfriend I enjoy spending my time with. Just check my last post. You only need to expand on your circle of sociability.",0.9161,positive,trusting 2995,depressed,i started seeing a therapist and started on anti depressants in september. i got better and was in a great state of mind but the last few weeks have been terrible despite trying my hardest and i don’t want to be alive anymore.,speaker,1,title,0.0,neutral,neutral 2995,depressed,i started seeing a therapist and started on anti depressants in september. i got better and was in a great state of mind but the last few weeks have been terrible despite trying my hardest and i don’t want to be alive anymore.,listener_1,2,Anything set you off? Holiday blues perhaps? Maybe things will start to get better again at the start of the new year?,0.7303,positive,suggesting 2995,depressed,i started seeing a therapist and started on anti depressants in september. i got better and was in a great state of mind but the last few weeks have been terrible despite trying my hardest and i don’t want to be alive anymore.,speaker,3,i’m starting to lose hope that things get better for longer than a couple of weeks,0.4767,positive,hopeful 2995,depressed,i started seeing a therapist and started on anti depressants in september. i got better and was in a great state of mind but the last few weeks have been terrible despite trying my hardest and i don’t want to be alive anymore.,listener_1,4,"You never know what the future holds, could be good could be bad. There's a bit of an adventure in not knowing. There will be good there will be bad.",0.0258,neutral,anticipating 2996,depressed,Merry Christmas to the other solo people dealing with depression.,speaker,1,"If anyone needs to talk, Im here. I know society makes this time of year especially hard for us, EXTRA ESPECIALLY HARD if your family situation is fucked up like mine. Just wanted to say that you aren't alone in this battle. And if you wanna chat, Ill be here to reply :)",-0.8132,negative,caring 2996,depressed,Merry Christmas to the other solo people dealing with depression.,listener_1,2,"Merry Christmas, thanks for offering to chat!",0.7712,positive,wishing 2996,depressed,Merry Christmas to the other solo people dealing with depression.,speaker,3,wtf...............,-0.5859,negative,questioning 2996,depressed,Merry Christmas to the other solo people dealing with depression.,listener_2,4,Nevermind. Got your message. Goodbye.,0.0,neutral,wishing 2996,depressed,Merry Christmas to the other solo people dealing with depression.,listener_2,5,There are endless posts to reply to and instead you made a lazy self-advertising post to feel better about yourself. You have made no contributions to our community. None. Not a single comment on a post already asking for help.,0.2263,positive,furious 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,speaker,1,"Even posting this makes me feel like I’m those people that use it for attention, I’ve never told anyone, not even a psych that I’m depressed. I don’t tell my friends or my family, it is just super embarrassing. I’m on antidepressants and whenever my mom mentions it I cringe or ball up. Why?",0.5574,positive,ashamed 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,listener_1,2,"I haven’t told my mother because I’m 85% sure that I‘m depressed. But if I‘m not, that’ll make me look like the biggest attentionwhore. I‘ve been feeling sad, empty, apathetic and sometimes suicidal for atleast 2years now but I’m still not sure .. any advice for me? I don’t have an answer for you, sorry",-0.9412,negative,sympathizing 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,listener_2,3,"It doesn't matter if you have the diagnosis of depression or not. Even if you are not medically depressed, something is still wrong. You see you are feeling different. You see you are not happy and are feeling suicidal. Tell your mother and make an appointment with a therapist. Get yourself better. Whether you are just going through a tough time or if you actually have depression, get the help you need to you can live a life you can wake up to each day wanting to live.",-0.8826,negative,angry 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,speaker,4,"Find a girl, works for me",0.0,neutral,hopeful 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,listener_2,5,"This is awful advice. If you honestly think being in a relationship will cure your depression, then you were never depressed in the first place. Also, you cannot expect another person to completely change your life for you. That is a horrible burden to put on another person. Relationships *add* to your life. They don't *give* you a life. You need to be your own person on your own. This is what healthy, lasting relationships are built on.",-0.6906,negative,disappointed 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,listener_1,6,I‘m not interested in other people or a relationship. One problem,-0.607,negative,faithful 2997,depressed,Why am I scared to say I’m depressed?,speaker,7,"Try finding a friend or someone who understands you and can comfort you in some way. If not you can DM me and we can share our experiences or something, try to connect.",0.7845,positive,suggesting 2998,depressed,Angry,speaker,1,"I struggle with bad insomnia, i cant fall asleep at night and if i do i only sleep for about an hour or less. With pills i can sleep but if im woken up it takes me three hours or longer to go back to sleep. Last night my manic mother came into my room in a panic looking for our dog. She has this terrible habit of turning the light on no matter what time it is no matter whos sleeping so SHE can see. And if you argue against her she takes it as an insult and immediately starts crying. My mom has done this to me before and i have not been able to sleep after shes woken me up but last night i was angry. I went to sleep angry and had only caught two hours when she burst into my room and turned the light on. It wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't burn my eyes so much, I dont know why but lately these things have been really getting to me. I was so mad i had to go downstairs to cry for two hours and then i cried again today like a child. Im not sure if its really my mom as shes always been very neglectful and so never has seen how annoying the things she does are but man i got so mad. It bothered me so much i had to cry in frustration before trying to sleep again and even then i cried more in my bed. Ive been dealing with insomnia for a while now, why was last night any different. But lately everything has been irritating me so much. If my siblings say one thing wrong or mean i get so angry i have to leave so i can calm down. Last night i started kicking my sheets and i was seriously contemplating banging my head against the wall. I am so frustrated with my depression, and even still today i had to remove myself to go upstairs and cry form being so tired and fed up. Ive never had these bouts of anger and frustration before but i feel so low. Will i ever sleep again, what if someone wakes me up again. Now i am so tired and my eyes burn but when i think of sleeping im scared someone will wake me up again in the night. Not sleeping is bad but when im awoken from what could have been a restful sleep for which i have been longing for since forever... I dont know. Has anyone else experienced this part of depression, where your so bothered and angry at small things that you break down constantly.",-0.9994,negative,terrified 2998,depressed,Angry,listener_1,2,"I’d say these moments of frustration are more linked to your lack of sleep. :( i know whenever I’ve struggled with difficulties sleeping, I feel so frustrated.",-0.9457,negative,agreeing 2998,depressed,Angry,listener_2,3,I noticed one of these... :( So here take this... :D,0.4388,positive,disgusted 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,1,"I didn't slapped him that hard but it felt so good. I felt like I really need to do that and I don’t feel guilty but this is not likely myself. After I threw stuff in the bathroom so they would leave me alone but they didn't. They said they understand and know it wasn't my intention. Anyways they don't let me close the door of the room in staying and yelled: Why do you want my door opened if you took away from me my needles?! (I self harmed sometimes with it). I don't have nothing to self harm here!! But still they said they had to negotiate with me so the two sides win and they leave me alone but I can't close the door. What am I? 8? Geez... What really triggered me is when my mom reminded me that I might not be candidate of taking electro compulsive therapy to treat depression and anxiety. That's what my new psychiatric said. The last one I had problem with their system and I couldn't see him. Electro compulsive is my last hope... Imma attempt to ”kill myself” (I'm too coward to do it but I wanna make it look like I was doing it) because if not, I don't know what the actual fuck I’m going to do with my life... Probably start not eating until I get skinny again (I'm chubby now due to my anxiety, it makes me eat a lot) I've tried hospitalization, partial therapy, hypnotherapy... They all worked at the moment... Only that... And partial therapy here sucks because one day I went to one and for two hours the therapist was talking about asthma. What the hell?! I don't want a science behind it class. I WENT THERE TO TREAT MY SEVERE DEPRESSION AND GENERALIZED ANXIETY. I was super pissed but pretended I was just bored and then I fooled the social worker that called me for an interview. I felt bad of taking advantage of her... I liked her. She was so nice with me. I felt we did the ”click” thing and by that I meant like we had that professional-patient relationship. Still I don't need a social worker so I never saw her again. Can't believe it's Christmas but I feel this way and I didn't expected to ended up being so mad but so sad at the same time. I don't like Xmas anymore. I don't believe in God. God abandoned me. I'm transgender, he would not accept me because I will mutilate my breasts to look more physically as a guy. I wanna kill myself, I wanna die... But I’m afraid of living/death. I don't know which one is worse. THE TIME PASSING BY, THAT BREAKS MY HEART-SOUL IN MORE PIECES. IT KILLS ME.",-0.9973,negative,ashamed 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,listener_1,2,"PM me if u need to talk. I’ll give u my personal. Depression sucks, suicide help lines curve the pain. Leaning on good people, creating a circle of people u can trust and talk to really helps. Starting dungeons and dragons at local card shop helped me at least",-0.2516,negative,trusting 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,3,"Where I live there’s no club about DND, I want to play it but I don’t have friends irl. I've distanced myself from everything and I don't want to make a new irl friend in this state. Reality scares the shit out off me. I feel so uncomfortable around people, maybe I still have social anxiety. I don't talk much about this to my family because it drains my energy so much. But they have always been supportive.",0.8914,positive,lonely 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,4,Thanks! I’ll look the things you mentioned up! I don't wanna fall in the last phase: ”attempting to kill myself” Sometimes I feel like I need to feel real and torturing pain in order for me to recover. To open my eyes and let positive vibe get through me.,-0.6792,negative,trusting 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,5,"There's no local LGBT+ center and the ones I know they are too far away and where I live there's no public transport or train or taxi. Not then Uber or Lyft. My mom said we would try once in a month but that's not enough. What if I do this and the person I was closed to, leaves? For me it's too hard to make new friends. And the situation we are going through I know one day I won't be able to go in two months or more. 😫😖",-0.4478,negative,afraid 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,listener_1,6,"Glad man, it’s hard making new friends. I get it. If I were to offer any advise, steer clear of pornography, hard drugs, and too much alcohol. I can tell u r a good soul, you owe the world to be part of it and be help people.",0.91,positive,trusting 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,listener_2,7,">Sometimes I feel like I need to feel real and torturing pain in order for me to recover. If you are speaking of ECT, then you have done no research as there is no pain with ECT. But I would still recommend the other options first. There is often a reason when a psych says you aren't a candidate. Ketamine nasal spray might be the place to start. It's administered in addition to the meds you are already taking.",0.1533,positive,apprehensive 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,listener_3,8,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,9,"I have done research about ECT and I know it won’t cause pain but I know my mind is thinking irrationally and I’m trying to not self harm severely to find out if feeling horrible pain will put my mind in order. Functional. Seems like I’m close to finding someone who can do ECT. Imma try that first and if it doesn’t work or I can do it at the same time to speed recovery then I’ll see if they prescribe me Ketamine Nasal Spray. Yeah I know I said ECT is my last hope but right now, my mind full of bad thoughts I need to deal with, in the right way even if my mind tries to fight me and control me.",-0.7395,negative,apprehensive 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,speaker,10,How are you so sure about that?,0.4572,positive,questioning 2999,depressed,I feel hopeless. My big brother wanted to take a selfie with me and he and my mom kept insisting and he was not letting me go so I slapped him across the face.,listener_1,11,"Positive bud, nobody is too far gone. Guarantee it.",0.6808,positive,trusting 3000,depressed,I don’t matter,speaker,1,I don’t feel wanted. Nothing matters. Nothing will matter. Nothing has mattered. Everything is hell fire and black.,-0.7991,negative,lonely 3000,depressed,I don’t matter,listener_1,2,"The universe is random our lives is basically just the random assembalige of carbon and the other needed chemicals to create life. In my opinion, the thought I dont matter and that nothing matters is a liberating thought. When we stop to realize just how little something matters it gives us the ability to push past it. Just like the opinion of others who make us feel insecure. Everything society says about beauty and what is undesirable is a perspective. Life is perspective. If u choose to have a perspective that says I am beautiful and I am loved an capable, then you are because that's your perspective. This may sound self centered but at the end of the day and your life you will be the only one that matters and you will have the only perspective that matters. Depression is a perspective. You can teach yourself to push past It and find what makes you happy. Merry Christmas and I wish you the best of luck.",0.9795,positive,excited 3000,depressed,I don’t matter,listener_2,3,Merry christmas to you too. Thank you for your time and words,0.7184,positive,wishing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,1,"This is really stupid but yay today is my bday. Idk if anyone cares, Ik nobody else does, or anything but yeah yay me",0.9377,positive,excited 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,listener_1,2,Happy birthday..I stopped acknowledging mine years ago 😕,0.128,positive,wishing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,listener_2,3,Yeah me too no cares then whats the point of even being alive,0.3226,positive,agreeing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,4,Yeah I feel that,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,5,Lol I don’t think I will but thanks,0.6956,positive,neutral 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,6,Means a lot thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,listener_3,7,I noticed one of these... :( So here take this... :D,0.4388,positive,disgusted 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,8,Thank you charizard,0.3612,positive,wishing 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,listener_4,9,"No problem, you can message me when you like",0.5801,positive,acknowledging 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,speaker,10,It’s still mah bday,0.0,neutral,joyful 3001,depressed,This is so stupid,listener_5,11,oh,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3002,depressed,Need someone to talk to,speaker,1,So over the last 6 or so months my life has been just spiraling downhill slowly. I wont really go into detail here. Just kinda looking for someone to talk and vent to. I'm at one of the lowest points in my life but I dont feel sad every day I just feel empty and numb. Like whatever happens I dont care about anymore. Anyone that is welcome to just talking and listening would be appreciated,0.8068,positive,lonely 3002,depressed,Need someone to talk to,listener_1,2,that’s called depression. talk to a therapist. talk to your pcp.,-0.5719,negative,neutral 3002,depressed,Need someone to talk to,listener_2,3,"That's depression, go do some pcp. No, really tho, you're not alone friend.",-0.6796,negative,agreeing 3002,depressed,Need someone to talk to,speaker,4,"About a year and a half ago I tried talking to doctors, getting on medication, going to therapy. I went through about 4 or 5 different kinds of medication trying to find the right one and none of them worked or made it worse and therapists around me are too expensive... it all costs money that I dont have",-0.4767,negative,disappointed 3003,depressed,being deserted and it sucks,speaker,1,I’m 15 and although I’m an average guy and quite funny too.. no one seems to bond with me on a deeper level and I’m stuck with making small talk with everyone. This is really depressing and even though I have great parents.. life really feels depressing. P.S :It’s not that I’m obnoxious.. it’s just that people seem to ignore me on a regular basis. Any ideas on how to cope up?,-0.2411,negative,lonely 3003,depressed,being deserted and it sucks,listener_1,2,"Hello, I think the best to build big bond is to invest your time in others. Propose activities, conversations, sharing hobbies, knowing the other person by listening, asking questions, offering to participate. Lookout for person with whom you share interests, values or that just make you laugh/enjoy the day. It can be with people at school, neighbours, clubs member, distant family, etc. You can also ask your parents on how they met their closest friends. Enjoy your vacation !",0.9612,positive,caring 3003,depressed,being deserted and it sucks,speaker,3,Thank you stranger! It really means a lot and I hope I can implement this....,0.69,positive,encouraging 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,speaker,1,"The last year of secondary school, 2019. A fresh start, a new start. Was finally trying to get out there again and get my first one...again. I was mentally ready So there's this girl i knew and we were passive friends before this, but the first months we kinda got closer, chatted quite a lot, quick talks during recess, all that stuff. My feelings grew, she was a keeper. And then i tried to up my game. An annual celebration at school went around mid year and I asked her for a picture together and she agreed genuinely. During the ""photo session"", I got awkward standing beside her. I made stupid gestures and movements, didn't how to pose, it was awkward. Which makes it even worse that her friends were taking the photo. I cringed, they cringed. It wasn't a happy moment. That night i dm'ed her, suddenly her replies felt dry and avoidant. This was consistent over the next day. ""She knows...she fucking knows now...even before i said anything..."" And then i stop texting her and be avoidant as she pleases. But then she and her friends starting giving me looks, and when i tried to talk to her, her friends tried to cut me off. There's one time we had to go on a school trip by bus and she was forced to sit beside me. One of her friends said ""Oh no"" before we even sat down. I felt very uncomfortable...we didn't said a word until we reached for half an hour. That ""Oh no"" hurt me so much for quite a long time. I still haven't forgot it yet till this day.",0.0908,positive,confident 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,listener_1,2,"You know it’s OK to tell her that you’re sorry for making her feel uncomfortable and ask if that’s had anything to do with how she’s been acting. You can just tell her you like her and you felt awkward just saying that so you made light of the situation. She might shoot you down, but it would be quick and not drawn out and embarrassing. It’s hard to do things like that but the more you do them the easier it becomes. Best of luck either way. I don’t know you, but I doubt you’re in anyway disgusting don’t let one person change your opinion about yourself.",0.6875,positive,questioning 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,speaker,3,"Thanks, i needed that. I'll think about it.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,listener_1,4,I know it’s not easy. If you decide you can’t say anything to her don’t beat yourself up about it. I have a feeling I’m quite a bit older than you and I don’t find it easy either.,0.2486,positive,agreeing 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,speaker,5,I'm merely 17. Sometimes i just think it's just puberty which turned me into this. You're words does penetrate in a good way i'll give you that,0.4404,positive,neutral 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,listener_1,6,Emotions are hard. You’re dealing with feelings I think everyone goes through. Just try to not let it be consuming. And you’re not disgusting. Nothing you did here reads disgusting imo.,-0.2556,negative,disgusted 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,listener_1,7,"So I am a lot older than you, and what I will say is I know a lot of times that I had opportunities to tell somebody my feelings or they had opportunities to tell me theirs and it never happened. And I know that I regret that, I know of other people who regret it too. People change after high school. A lot of what you’re feeling now you won’t care about in a few years. But for your own sanity I would say either tell her or try to distance yourself from her.",0.2846,positive,guilty 3004,depressed,A crush that disgusts you,speaker,8,"I am looking forward in the future that i'll view this like it's all nothing but a teenager dilemma which everyone goes through. Thanks, random Redditor.",0.5772,positive,wishing 3004,depressed,Sad,listener_2,1,"The 23rd December my girl friend broke up with me, I was already sad and feeling lonely but not when I was with her so now i’m just always sad and the Christmas things and all the company of my family doesn’t help me. I just want to be lonely and to forget her and the past we’ve got, I still love her but not her, she stills want to be friend with me but I want to be more than a friend again with her. I can’t forget her and want to think about other things. I already felt sad but now it’s just worst I fell like no body will notice if I was dead but I don’t really want to die because I still love her and time don’t help",-0.2983,negative,lonely 3004,depressed,Sad,listener_3,2,"right now it feels like time doesn’t help, and i don’t know you or your situation with your girlfriend so i can’t give you advice but i can say, with the heart, time does help. you just have to wait a long time, sometimes weeks, months, for me it was years before my heart healed from a past relationship but that’s just how complex we can be. but trust me time does help, take comfort in the fact that one day, if you stick it out, you will feel better than you do today. try to look after yourself, have a bath or do something relaxing, it won’t stop you thinking about her but at least your body will thank you. you can get through this 💓",0.9951,positive,neutral 3004,depressed,Sad,listener_2,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3005,depressed,Had a conversation.,speaker,1,"There is something I just have to tell my therapist, concerning my mental health, and self harm, but don't want to, because she said she would tell my parent(s), or carer(s), if I was harming myself, and, coming from a deeply spiritual family, I don't want them finding out. whether that be at home, or through school. I had a conversation with my dad today, and asked him what he would do if one of his kids had any mental health issues, or any issues of the sort. He reminded me that he works in that sector, but there was no reason for any of his children to have any mental health issues, whether it be due to a chemical imbalance or not. I asked him why, and he quickly interrupted me, to say: “I raised you up to the best that I could, you and your mother. There is no reason for you to have any mental health problems, and if it were due to something, like stress, for example, I would just support you on how to not be so stressed, but you wouldn't have any mental health problems, knowing you. You know that God is an incredibly important part of your life, and if you ever have any issues, as you say, just get your Bible and pray for God to fix it all.” I tried to explain that that was not how mental health worked. He said that all this stuff about how “mental health” and “depression” made no sense, and that the people should just get help, or just try and find ways to be happy. That it made no sense for such a happy person, for example, to suddenly become sad all the time, and feel down, simply because of some problem in the brain, even if it was something as simple as stress, and nothing to do with hormones, (etc.) It really broke my heart. I recently have been seeing a new therapist at school, my first ever session, and I haven't really told her much about my issues, so I still, to this moment, feel very alone. This conversation itself made me realise, and believe, that all the lies about there being someone who is really willing to help me, despite their beliefs. Worst thing is, everyone else in my family, including my extended family, also believe in the same idealisation around the stigma of mental health in young people, and / or people in general. My current state of mind has gotten worse these past weeks, and I'm really afraid that they'll find out about my self - harm, and things I've told my therapist. I'm also increasingly afraid of myself. Of what I might do to myself, or others, as a result of this all.",-0.9343,negative,apprehensive 3005,depressed,Had a conversation.,listener_1,2,"Exact same situation. Today we had a flight and I really stupidly wore a short sleeved shirt under a zippered jacket, and I had to take the jacket off. I was so scared my mom would notice, but luckily we were late so she was freaking out. The TSA definetly noticed though, and I got really really really freaked out because I'm scared that they'll try to make me go and confess my ""sin"" of being depressed.",-0.9699,negative,anxious 3005,depressed,Had a conversation.,listener_1,3,"I asked my mom what she would do if one of her kids was depressed and she said that she would send them off to a spiritual school in London and not make contact with them ever again, because they would have no reason to be depressed and it would be ""too much for her to handle""",-0.8316,negative,sentimental 3005,depressed,Had a conversation.,speaker,4,":( I'm so sorry your mum thinks that way. my parents said similar also. pray and find out the reason; there's a reason for everything. I remember a time my mum almost found out. She asked what it was, and i said the old classic, ""I fell down"", and my dad said it looked like I had slashed myself. I said no, and the conversation finished there. Luckily. I have abiut 5 more lines of scars on my right arm from a razor I had used a few days ago, they don't know that yet. don't think they ever will. problem is I desperately want to tell school, and they'll tell my parents, and I wouldn't want to be in that situation where I have to explain to them why, again, my dad says there must be a reason. I feel so distant from the world, family, freinds, you name it. Again, I'm so sorry to hear that, hope you get better soon, and dont cut! you'll regret it. I'm trying to stop also. Best of luck and wishes, and support! ~ Autumn.",0.939,positive,sympathizing 3005,depressed,Had a conversation.,listener_1,5,"Thank you. Today I had to go and get a flu shot, and since basically my entire left arm is covered in scars, I had to make up an excuse to get the shot on my right arm. It was reeally stressful and I almost started crying in the doctor's little cubicle. I dont know i just feel freaked out with trying to hide them and then also just wanting to leave.",-0.8411,negative,anxious 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,1,"This is happening right now. Right now my aunt and cousins are over and they've only been over here since yesterday but they have sucked all my energy out. All my good energy out. It makes me feel pissed off and upset. So I asked if I could go to a friend's house and then my mom was like ""No that would be rude. Why do you want to leave?"" I told her why and she said well yeah but that's rude. So I just said ok. Plus that friend and I haven't hung out in a while. She can't come over either cause she's staying with one of her other family members while her parents are away. She has to watch her cousins while that family member is at work. Would that be rude to leave? Even though I have reasoning for it. I don't know I'm making this I guess I just need to rant/vent. Any advice? It would be much appreciated.",-0.316,negative,furious 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,listener_1,2,No just say goodbye to your aunt and you cousins and invent an reason why you have to leave be polite and apologize,-0.25,negative,ashamed 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,3,Thank you for your reply & advice! I'm here to talk if you need it too,0.4199,positive,grateful 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,4,Same haha. Thank you. I'm here to talk too! I've kinda taken care of the situation. Thank you am for replying. :)),0.8809999999999999,positive,sympathizing 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,5,Why,0.0,neutral,questioning 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,listener_2,6,"Great to hear you've taken care of it! sadly, for me, they've stolen my room, those Martians, and im stuck with them for 2 more days, (or 1,not sure). I don't feel comfortable around anyone, so having visitors around doesn't help things. Again, thanks and congrats.",0.6407,positive,acknowledging 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,listener_1,7,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,8,They stole my room too sadly. But now I have to stay the night with them until Tuesday. Honestly I think it's just my mom's house and my 'mom' that makes me feel that way kinda. Just the energy there I guess. I don't know I have lots of problems haha. I don't feel comfortable around others either. And same I go there to hide from others.,0.0519,positive,lonely 3006,depressed,when I'm around a bunch of people for a couple of days they squeeze out my energy and it makes me feel depressed & eventually I turn angry. I wake up angry and then literally am pissed off or just depressed or sad for no reason.,speaker,9,Usually same. Sometimes it depends.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,1,"I had change my major from information Systems because I failed my coding test and I very confused when i try my self to learn it and I was not from a rich family like my parents used their all ""savings"" and i decided to switching to communication major it was not bad for my score and I think I still don't know what is my passion so i think I still don't have a future Do you guys same like me? Sorry for my bad english",-0.4151,negative,sympathizing 3007,depressed,I changed my major,listener_1,2,Yeah I am in a similar boat as you. I was majoring in computer science and I did poorly on my exam. I decided to switch my major and I’m not sure what my passion is either. I’m just scared that I will work in a job I am not passionate about and then I won’t be happy. You are not alone and I wish you the best!,0.8805,positive,agreeing 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,3,What major you choose ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,4,What is federal education classes? Never heard it 😅,-0.2755,negative,questioning 3007,depressed,I changed my major,listener_2,5,Sorry typo. Your general education courses,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,6,Oh I think I can join the organization In my college like related with my major hmmm,0.5719,positive,suggesting 3007,depressed,I changed my major,listener_2,7,"That will definitely help! Also talk to different major advisors or professors in the departments. Ask them what you can do with the majors. Do some research! You’ll find that the world is open, as long as you put some effort into it!",0.7412,positive,agreeing 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,8,Hmm okay I will do my best even if idk what is my passion 🙃,0.8271,positive,neutral 3007,depressed,I changed my major,listener_2,9,"It’s okay. People change their minds all the times, when they go back to grad school or jobs. Find some classes you enjoy and take them. Join a club, talk to people. College is not the end all. It’s for you to get a degree and experience. If you think of it that way, then it’ll make it easier for you to enjoy what you do, instead of feeling the pressure of having to find something you enjoy. What were the classes you’ve had so far that you enjoyed? And if you don’t mind me asking, what school are you at? I can do some digging around for you. What year are you in?",0.9561,positive,acknowledging 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,10,I think International relations it's good but I too lazy to read many articles in English 😂 I'm in London School Of Public Relations (Indonesia) Iam on my first year In my college first year we studying all communication majors So we pick our major on Second Year,0.3716,positive,ashamed 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,11,lol i still confused what major must I choose for second year I don't want my failure before repeated 🙃,0.4552,positive,embarrassed 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,12,International relations maybe? But in semester 2 we start to learn new major again maybe I will make a comparison,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3007,depressed,I changed my major,speaker,13,International relations maybe? But in semester 2 we start to learn new major again maybe I will make a comparison,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3007,depressed,I changed my major,listener_2,14,"Definitely. Take this time and really try to find something you enjoy. Remember, it’s not just about reading articles, it’s reading news and knowing what’s going on in the world.",0.7096,positive,agreeing 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,speaker,1,"I asked my mom and dad if they’d tell me if they were depressed and my mom asked my why i’m asking this question. (In a previous post i said that i may be depressed and i just wanted to ask my parents if they’d tell me so i can take a decision too..). So my mom asked me if i’m depressed, i said no and that i was just asking out of curiosity and then she told me that dad was depressed when i was a kid (im 17 now). And i was shocked, i have always thought that my dad may be depressed because he always stays home, never socializes, never hang with friends from work even if they invite him, he is home work sleep and then all over again. I left the room and went to my room and after 15 minutes my mom came to ask me if i was hungry and i asked her if dad is ok now and she told me yes but i don’t know... She told me he was medicated but i don’t know if i believe her. Im too scared to ask my dad if he’s ok. I’m literally crying cause that made me so so sad.",-0.9751,negative,apprehensive 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,listener_1,2,"I had a similar sort of opposite problem where depression runs in my family but my parents refused to tell me so that I couldn't get a diagnosis and so that I'd grow up ""normal"". Of course it didn't work, but I also remember when I found out from my gran that it runs on both sides of my family. Please remember depression can be caused by genetics and any corruptive things from someone's past, I've never had medication so I don't know if it works but keeping in communication with your parents is a very good idea - lots of love xx",0.4297,positive,apprehensive 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,speaker,3,oh.. i’m sorry about depression run in your family. Also my dad and i aren’t pretty close but he knows i love him the most and i know he loves me the most but we don’t talk that much.. I don’t know how to approach him. Also thanks for taking time and replying.,0.946,positive,sympathizing 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,listener_1,4,"No problem I wish you best of luck, all we can do without meds is talk together right? Xx so I really hope you and your dad can have a happy new year",0.9602,positive,wishing 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,speaker,5,i wish you the best too! Thanks for your time❤️,0.8777,positive,wishing 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,speaker,6,"first of all glad you shared, and glad you got it off your chest. I think that your parents just don’t want to accept that you may be depressed because it runs in your family, i think they want to think that it’s not running in your family and they are completely ok too. That’s not ok tho. You should try talking to them when your mom come back, if you don’t want you should try and talk to your school therapist and tell them everything you told me in this post and ask her if he and the principal could go to your parents and talk about your condition. I think they won’t take u seriously unless grown up people tell them too. Also please don’t feel like you are not normal, you are, and you are precious. If you decide to talk to them you and you can’t with words just hand them your phone and show them this comment or you can make your own post about all that you want to say to them. Please don’t keep that to yourself, it’s an mental illness and you have to take proper help. (i’m s sorry for responding late, i wasn’t feeling like i could encourage someone yesterday) If you ever need someone to talk about what you are going through my dms are always, always open. I wish you the best luck and please talk to your parents, you can do it!",0.9901,positive,acknowledging 3008,depressed,i just learned that my dad was depressed..,listener_2,7,"Thanks, a lot. You can do it too. I'll make sure to speak to school sometimes after my break.",0.6369,positive,acknowledging 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,1,"I don’t throw my issues out in the open but I crave someone to talk to... I’ve been injured on the job (had on/off back pain for too long). Was waiting to get insurance but couldn’t hold off any longer. Once we entered December, work made non-career employees to work 6 days with some mandatory overtime so that pushed my back problems to having pain everyday not on/off and sometimes extreme. I finally filed for work comp but hard to get a doctor bc of the holidays right now. I didn’t celebrate Christmas as my kids are with my ex-husband and I wasn’t able to shop. Probably buy a gift card as Im frugal and have to watch my money bc of high cost of living. I hate dealing with crowds and I have history of anxieties. Just tired of being in pain. It’s going to take a long time to get an MRI 😕 to see why the pain. Thanks for listening, Amy",-0.974,negative,apprehensive 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,listener_1,2,Hang in there Amy,0.0,neutral,consoling 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,3,Thanks I try 🥺,0.4404,positive,wishing 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,4,Thank you. I called in sick to rest my back. I decided to watch movies to forget my pain... thanks.,-0.4767,negative,content 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,listener_2,5,Sounds like it was fun. What movies did you end up watching? Were any good?,0.8426,positive,questioning 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,6,Lost in Space on Netflix. I may be nerdy but I like sci-fic stuff the most and too many to list. You?,0.3612,positive,excited 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,listener_2,7,"I recently saw the Witcher. It was pretty good. I also remember watching New Girl and thinking it was funny. I’m much more into reading when I’m alone, so I’m not good at recommending shows 🤷‍♂️",0.652,positive,apprehensive 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,8,"Oh I haven’t seen Witcher yet. I like to read too. Action to romance books like Hannah Alexander, Robin Cook, Robert Ludlum, etc. Recently “The Blood of Patriots” by Johnstone has been good.",0.8885,positive,anticipating 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,listener_2,9,I’ve heard of Robin Cook before but I’ve never read any of his works. I’m on a Brandon Sanderson binge that started back in August and I just cannot put his books down.,0.0,neutral,disappointed 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,10,"I never heard of him because I don’t read fantasy books. A long time ago, I tried to read one that was fantasy but couldn’t follow the story or understand it. Robin Cook is a medical thriller genre. When I go to a bookstore or library, I tend to spend a lot of time there. I like the quietness. You?",0.5927,positive,lonely 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,listener_2,11,I almost always shop at local used-book stores. I like the smell of them for some reason and the people there are always so nice. You also find a lot of interesting books that you otherwise would have never stumbled across since they don’t sell well or weren’t mass produced. One of my local shops sells used journals that have been turned in or thrown out. It’s really interesting to read the feelings of people you’ve never met.,0.9171,positive,sentimental 3009,depressed,Little Depressed,speaker,12,I love the old bookstores and the smell! I agree about the feelings. I like discounts and trading books. I do like Books A Million and Barnes N Noble. It’s strange that I like to open a new paperback and smell it. You?,0.9402,positive,sentimental 3010,depressed,I fantasize about my death,speaker,1, Title,0.0,neutral,proud 3010,depressed,I fantasize about my death,listener_1,2,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 3010,depressed,I fantasize about my death,speaker,3,Heavy dislike.,-0.3818,negative,annoyed 3011,depressed,"Anyone else just feel that constant, crippling loneliness?",speaker,1,"All i want to do is talk to someone. i just want to have normal friends, and live a normal life, but everyone i try to talk to runs away. I don't know if its my fault or what but it hurts. It makes me wonder if it'll always be like this, and if it will, is it worth going on? I'm sorry guys. i just need a hug rn.",0.4497,positive,lonely 3011,depressed,"Anyone else just feel that constant, crippling loneliness?",listener_1,2,I’m available to talk if you’d like. I understand the pain of wanting a normal life; I constantly try to put myself out there and meet people even if it terrifies me. Take care x,-0.29600000000000004,negative,caring 3011,depressed,"Anyone else just feel that constant, crippling loneliness?",speaker,3,And?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3011,depressed,"Anyone else just feel that constant, crippling loneliness?",listener_2,4,Stop being one,-0.29600000000000004,negative,sad 3011,depressed,"Anyone else just feel that constant, crippling loneliness?",speaker,5,Why,0.0,neutral,questioning 3012,depressed,What do you do,speaker,1,When you feel super alone and like no one understands you? I feel like if i were to end my life rn... no one would truly care.,0.8625,positive,lonely 3012,depressed,What do you do,listener_1,2,What a power move.,0.0,neutral,questioning 3012,depressed,What do you do,speaker,3,Thank you <3 last night was a rough one,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3012,depressed,What do you do,listener_2,4,"Hey god bless, u r a good kid I’m sure. Charity and cardio really helps the bad vibes. Hope u and ur family r safe.",0.9416,positive,consoling 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,speaker,1,"I went to a place to dance with my partner and some friends, and i have terrible social anxiety and i was trying to fit in and dance and my partner tryed to hug me but that make me nervous so i asked him to don't do it pls, at least till i feel confortable but he did it anyway and then i felt nervous and anxious and have to go back to take a sit and then he got angry because i cant be fucking normal and feel fucking right and he says everything is wrong for me and everything makes me bad i think hes tired of me because i just cant do things like a normal girl and its always like that.... now we still here, and hes with my friends and im here sitting and crying, i feel so bad and i wish i was normal...",-0.9798,negative,annoyed 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,listener_1,2,"Hello, Request you to stop crying. You are not the only on in this situation though. Instead of being sad, how about you think of how to adjust or being social? 1st of all, you want to improve yourself on this? If so I would like to help you",0.159,positive,questioning 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,speaker,3,😔 i just got worst and worst and now im going home...,-0.836,negative,sad 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,listener_1,4,"Oh sorry for that. Once you are free, lemme know. I wish to help you cope with these social anxities",0.8126,positive,sympathizing 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,speaker,5,would you send me a message? i just wake up..,0.0,neutral,questioning 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,speaker,6,thank u 😔,0.4215,positive,wishing 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,listener_1,7,Sure.! You would like to chat in here? Or direct message?,0.6654,positive,questioning 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,speaker,8,i prefer a dm,0.0,neutral,lonely 3013,depressed,i hate being like this,listener_1,9,Sent you a DM.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,1,"My best friend just blocked me, 😥 she didn't tell me why or if I had done something or if she just didn't want to talk, she was there for me when the world felt empty to me she was there to assure me that I had a purpose and just last month she just stopped texting and talking, she just ignored all my texts and i just wanted to know if she was OK then all of a sudden she just started getting distant from me and i was heart broken because I loved her as a friend nothing more but i kept blaming my self for being me I couldn't keep someone soo dear to me. I'm broken💔 right now and today she just blocked me in every way possible😭. I'm sorry for everyone who's reading this just had to put it out😪.",0.6924,positive,sad 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,listener_1,2,Happened to all my friends. Hopefully she will get back. I have no ide what the hell i did wrong but my last 2 friends got distant from me in the past month. :(,-0.3071,negative,sad 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,3,They just leave without saying anything 😥😭 and we don't know what we've done😭 to deserve this,-0.6397,negative,angry 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,listener_2,4,I noticed one of these... :( So here take this... :D,0.4388,positive,disgusted 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,listener_1,5,I understand you. Happened to me exactly the same. If you wanna talk im here.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,6,Thanks😪,0.4404,positive,wishing 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,7,Appreciate it alot 😥,0.4939,positive,acknowledging 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,8,😥,0.3291,positive,annoyed 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,9,"I've always asked her if anything is up and if she's alright she used to be soo open with me and then she just stopped talking to me, she used to tell me everything that's why I trusted her soo much 😪",0.4939,positive,trusting 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,10,It sucks when this happens,-0.3612,negative,acknowledging 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,11,Sorry to hear dude,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,12,I feel you man thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3014,depressed,My best friend just blocked me,speaker,13,I know dude it's the saddest thing ever it's really traumatising 😥,-0.3369,negative,agreeing 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_3,1,i cant stop crying i need help so bad,0.1657,positive,sad 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_4,2,"Hey PM ur number if u need to talk. If not just remember u got friends in low places, don’t worry.",-0.1531,negative,acknowledging 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_5,3,It is a troll.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_4,4,Really not just super drunk lol. U should pay attention to what the folks r saying and send good vibes their way u cuck sandwich,0.4453,positive,acknowledging 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_6,5,'cuck' is incel terminology afaik. I hope you're not prowling for possible new incel recruits,0.4404,positive,afraid 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_5,6,"Bro, I was warning you that the guy you offered to give your phone number to is a troll. Not calling you a troll. Cheers.",0.25,positive,wishing 3014,depressed,please help me,listener_4,7,I just like.Talking like young people,0.3612,positive,confident 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,speaker,1,"What was heaven is now hell. Music,Hobbies,gaming have drastically changed throughout my 3 years of stress and ever since now it’s worsen,becoming boring or frustrating; The betrayal of friends leaving you in the spotlight to deal with their problems but never yours, parents constantly complaining to each other about their economic wealth including other problems like cheating and divorce and myself,finally bullying of my appearance and mental abilities. It’s never ending, a loop-hole that cant be exploited. I just want to run away from everything,run away from my killer but I can’t; eventually I will be killed by the overwhelming of constant thoughts. Whenever I try to fix things/improve, people drag me down into the quicksand,discounting my emotions with negativity and if I talk back, more sand floods in drowning me more till I can’t stand it no more. That’s when I give up in everything,there’s no chance in fighting back,I’ve already lost,always losing. I need help please",-0.987,negative,devastated 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,listener_1,2,"Wow, That was the most entertaining read I’ve had in a while. I feel like you should pursue entertainment as a career. That being said, pause for effect; i’m sorry you’re going through a rough patch, I’m sure it’s a short term. If you want to PM me your contact or you take my contact and call me from a blocked number feel free. However I feel like you’re way too smart for me to be able to help you. That’s not a bad thing, I’d kill to be intellectual. You sound like a good kid, I highly suggest doing some heavy cardio To get some of those bad vibes out. I’ve mentioned a few times pornography is really bad, I really stand like th to get some of those bad vibes out. I’ve mentioned a few times pornography is really bad, I really stand by that. If you feel like you’re over consuming. Try to wean yourself off of it. I’m not trying to be embarrassing, there’s a lot of people I’ve mentored in the past so they got a lot of positive result of that",0.9614,positive,sympathizing 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,speaker,3,"Haha thanks for the compliment! I’ll consider doing cardio,however I’m Asexual so I have no desire of doing the WEAN lol.",0.8778,positive,acknowledging 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,listener_1,4,"I’m super drunk, basically a perpetual state for me: Also that’s a very new term to me, is there a subculture for it? Perhaps, I know of several furry subcultures. I have several good friends to get in there.",0.8176,positive,apprehensive 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,speaker,5,"Hmmm drunk enough to type huh? And what term do you specifically imply to,so I can respond,is it the Asexual part? That means one does not desire for sexual interactions or a relationship at all, the other definition is that animals can reproduce by themselves without another entity but that definition is not what I was saying earlier. There might be a subculture to it but that doesn’t really interest me.",0.5378,positive,questioning 3015,depressed,Drowning in Quicksand,listener_1,6," I’m on my cell phone, using the text to voice feature. That’s super interesting, I’m going to double down on my statement about not having the intellectual prowess to help you, however it’s super interesting. At least Tim Sal that’s super interesting, I’m gonna double down on my statement about not having the intellectual prowess to help you, however it’s super interesting. At least Take some solace that you’re very unique. I’m very dependent so it’s hard for me to understand",0.9769,positive,embarrassed 3016,depressed,does the pain ever end,speaker,1,"fuck. i’m such a bad person. i don’t deserve anyone i have. all my friends are too pure and amazing for me and i’m just going to end up either damaging them or just losing them all. i don’t deserve anybody. i’m toxic.i always have been and i always will be. i always make everyone else feel bad and make myself the victim. why cant i just be a good person. i have the potential but it never lasts. everything gets ruined because of me. my own family doesn’t give a fuck about me. my own sister doesn’t want to be around me. for fucks sake not even my own father loved me.he’ll always haunt me. he’ll FOREVER be the reason i cant trust. one of the people who are supposed to care and love me just fucking abused me like if i never meant anything to him. like if i wasn’t his own blood and flesh. maybe i deserved it. maybe i was already a bad person from the time i was born into this earth, i mean bad things happen to bad people to it would make sense.nobody loves me and as much as i might be fooled into thinking i am loved, i know im not. any chance i’ve had at being happy i always ruin it for myself. why cant i just fucking be normal. and not fuck EVERY SINGLE LITTLE THING UP. im so fucking pathetic. no wonder i always get left. as if anybody would truly want to spend their effort on me. there’s no reason for me to be happy. to smile. to try. to breathe. im a bad person. but i haven’t always been like this. sometimes my intentions aren’t bad. sometimes i don’t even know what the fuck my intentions are. i cant stop thinking about how my life could’ve been.",-0.9691,negative,ashamed 3016,depressed,does the pain ever end,listener_1,2," Hey brother, and or mija. I’m super sorry to hear this is your state of being now. I’m really glad you articulated your feelings, If you wanna reach out feel free, drop Your number or take mine call me from a blocked number. I actually don’t know how to send a private message. I can go ahead and tell you, just from reading your message and your precious and there’s nothing wrong with you. Nobody is ever far too gone",0.9319,positive,sympathizing 3016,depressed,does the pain ever end,speaker,3,ohmygod thank you so much this is literally exactly what i’ve been wanting and needing to hear. thank you for being an amazing human and absolutely making my day. this helped me SO MUCH. :(( thankyousomuch,0.8316,positive,agreeing 3016,depressed,does the pain ever end,listener_2,4,"You are so very welcome, I'm really happy to help. If you ever want or need to reach out, please feel free. I hope you're feeling a little better. And thank you for taking the step to make this post, everything will be okay <3",0.9768,positive,sympathizing 3017,depressed,i feel so disconnected.,speaker,1,"I don't know what or who I am anymore. I'm so disconnected from freinds and family, I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I've recently started cutting again, as hard as I tried, and my frequent bouts of crying are so bad, I'm afraid that, when the long, painful, and lonely, holidays pass, I'll suddenly have some sort of breakdown in class or something. I can't stop asking about mental health. These obsessive thoughts and actions I carry out, they're not pretty, and im stuck between thinking I'm simply going through the ""teenage blues"", and downright manipulation of everyone I know into believing I have an actual problem. Ask anyone with OCD, obsessive thoughts can really fuck you up, no joke. I can't have a simply conversation with anyone anymore. I think of what to say to people, but never approach them and talk, I just end up hiding away in the bathrooms, either to cool off, or cry. either one. No one wants to talk to me, and the people I thought were my freinds don't give a shit about me. I mean, its not like it really bothered me anyways. I've been like this for several years now. I'm a worthless piece of shit that no one wanted here anyways. I go through these ""episodes"", if you like, of extreme happiness, kind of, where I just have this weird idea in my head to do something productive. Like today, for example, I had this weird feeling to make this sort of mood diary, and before you know it, a few mins into actually making it, abiut halfway through, most of my spare sheets of paper is wet with tears, and my headphones on. I honestly feel so far away from myself. I'm so afraid of what I miay do to myself in the near future. I need help! ~ Autumn.",-0.8495,negative,terrified 3017,depressed,i feel so disconnected.,listener_1,2,"i feel the same way. i hate giving advice on this because then i go and do the exact opposite but, please hold on. i know i don’t know you but i know the feeling- that you feel as if nobody cares and that you’d just be better off gone. maybe in some moments that seems like the best answer but it isn’t. you have a life. and remember your feelings are valid. don’t let anyone make you believe your mental illness is another label such as the teenage blues. you’re brave for coming here to ask for help. just remember, i care about you. you deserve to be happy and to live life. just try little by little day by day to work on yourself. sometimes a little effort is all you need. best of wishes",0.9926,positive,agreeing 3017,depressed,i feel so disconnected.,speaker,3,":) Thank you, so much.",0.6705,positive,wishing 3018,depressed,whats the point?,speaker,1,"i sit at home a lot. im 18 and work a few days a week as well as attend school. but i dont want to do anything. i play the same few games and watch tv shows with happy people and try to convince myself that its all worth it. but it isnt. im not writing this to whine about wanting to die, but if i did, i wouldnt be sad at this point. my life has no real purpose and i have nobody really. everyone around me is just going through the motions too, probably hoping for the day they can get hit by a truck on their way home from work. just like me. im sure other people feel the same way. what do i do? at some point im going to snap and do something, im really just watching the calender about now. i dont want to hurt the 3 people that im close to, but whats it worth to keep putting myself through this day after day after day. im near my limit. what do i do?",0.9642,positive,lonely 3018,depressed,whats the point?,listener_1,2,"Listen here nephew, sounds like ur needing an adventure! Have u considered joining the military or backpacking through another country? Sounds like you got a serious case of stagnation. Need to go out there and live a little. Take someone home from the bar and treat them right. Just love and love pal",0.9545,positive,caring 3018,depressed,whats the point?,speaker,3,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3019,depressed,why does everyone hate me?,speaker,1,Im probably so annoying to the people around me. Maybe it would be better if i just not have friends and not talk to my family...,-0.4845,negative,suggesting 3019,depressed,why does everyone hate me?,listener_1,2,I feel the same way but I don’t really have friends anymore,0.6775,positive,lonely 3019,depressed,why does everyone hate me?,speaker,3,We’re on a similar boat,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3019,depressed,why does everyone hate me?,speaker,4,I see... maybe i should talk to them. I go to therapy but we haven’t touched upon this subject yet,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3019,depressed,why does everyone hate me?,speaker,5,"Thank you for your comment, I’ll try to do things like this... hopefully it goes well for me",0.8491,positive,encouraging 3020,depressed,Tired of being tired,speaker,1,"I’m just tired physically and mentally. Same bullshit in my head everyday, racing thoughts repeating over and over, nobody there to talk to, nobody even wants me in their lives I’m just a ghost to my friends and family. I’m too tired to even do the things I love I get bored easily and restless. It’s hard to even watch a movie without wanting to run and clean. I wish I could do the things I love again without feeling so tired and uninterested. Feels like nobody really gets it even tho they say they do. I’m going back into the bed phase again where I can’t even get up I can’t even move I’m just stuck Fucking paralyzed sinking in more and more. I’m done",0.0487,neutral,lonely 3020,depressed,Tired of being tired,listener_1,2,"damn, i felt this on another level and i really do want to help but tbh i’m going through the same thing and idk what to do either.",-0.08,negative,neutral 3020,depressed,Tired of being tired,speaker,3,Wanna chat?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3020,depressed,Tired of being tired,listener_2,4,"Sure,you can chat with me anytime if you don’t mind , my English is not that good tho.",-0.3412,negative,neutral 3021,depressed,Crying to relieve pain quietly..,speaker,1,I have developed the habit to cry more often when. guilt and lack of accomplishment sets in. It’s comforting to cry alone and quietly then just sink into bed to sleep. Idk if it’s the winter draining the he’ll out of me or my low self esteem and respect for myself . Or could be my coping of crying is another means to relax anger in me since I’m aggressive and punch out my thoughts to grow numb ... Does crying have the same effect ? Do you grow numb or more calmer?,-0.9554,negative,sad 3021,depressed,Crying to relieve pain quietly..,listener_1,2,"Yes. Crying can definately help to express emotions and heal. Its a good outlet in healthy doses. I discovered speaking my feelings outloud was super powerful as well. E.g ""I am depressed"".",0.9081,positive,agreeing 3021,depressed,Crying to relieve pain quietly..,speaker,3,"That’s very true . Unfortunately for my case I wasn’t raised to verbally speak my emotions. My emotional frustration was left at the gym or on a punching bag . So I pretty much quietly cry to music, snap out and like that nothing happened",0.2041,positive,sad 3022,depressed,I blocked them,speaker,1,"Well I have two best friends and I blocked them. I have a reason tho, because I need to find myself first because we are a close knit group before and I know all their problems and vice versa. Earlier this year I became stressed and suffer from suicidal thoughts and my other best friend's girlfriend became jealous because of how close we are considering I am the only girl in our group. Me and two boys. We have a heated argument and I told my bestfriend to fix his relationship with her girlfriend first because I knew they have been through sh*ts and I do not want to destroy my best friend's happiness. I blocked him earlier this year because I want him to be independent because he always wanted to be with us (not that I do not want it) I want him to be friends also with others because I am moving to the city for studies. But before I blocked him I told him my reasons. I also blocked the other one because I am very angry at him for he degrade my sensitivity level. I mean there is one happening that completely scarred me and he said to me ""that's it? You have n't move on? That's long time ago.. "" I was shattered because of what he said considering he is my best friend. I blocked him in mid October and what most shocking to me is that he doesnt know that I blocked him. I heard from a friend that the 1st best friend is now focused on playing games than studying and the other one is a drunk,he always drink even if it is school night. I am planning to talk to them because they are freaking mess and I think its my fault. Can you give me some advice on handling them.",-0.742,negative,lonely 3022,depressed,I blocked them,listener_1,2,"Just cut them off like an infected spore of redundant protoplasm. From what you just elaborated on, they are toxic and are now reverting to primitive ""feel good"" exercises such as doing drugs. Chances are they wouldn't want your help anyways, and an intrusion into their life after a 2 month hiatus may cause unnecessary conflict. So as previously mentioned, please let them be.",-0.1481,negative,questioning 3022,depressed,I blocked them,speaker,3,Thank you very much..I've been thinking about it for a week and I really appreciate everything.,0.6697,positive,sympathizing 3023,depressed,My depression,speaker,1,"Ever since I was little and I went deaf, all that happened was people telling my parents sorry. Sorry for what? Im the one going through it, not them. They get to go through their perfect little lives without a care in the world and im still over here breaking down and they arent even noticing how I disappear into the bathroom for half an hour to cry because my dad always yelled and made fun of me for crying. My sister says shes depressed, but shes walking around laughing and joking and partying with all her friends while im still standing over here, slaving away for my parents to keep the house clean cause no one else will do it. That's what my depression is. It's working so hard that im about to pass out and not getting any compensation for it. Its watching other people have fun while I can't do anything but cry alone in the bathroom silently. Its sitting here with all my problems complaining to people on the internet about it. Because I don't remember the last time my dad really said ""I love you"" to me, I'm forced to going online and meeting guys that will say it for my dad, even though I know that they're probably lying and are only saying that to get a glimpse of my body.",-0.6209,negative,ashamed 3023,depressed,My depression,listener_1,2,"I understand what you're going through. I'm going through similar problems as well. I look around me and see my friends and peers with friends they get to love and have fun with, and here I am, with a job so I can't hang out with my friends if I try, and I'm also starving my body so girls will be into me. I feel like I give constantly to this world and no one cares. As if it's ""My civic duty."" I just want a rest. I want to meet someone. I want to get over my anxiety.",0.9085,positive,jealous 3023,depressed,My depression,speaker,3,"Yeah, feel free",0.6705,positive,agreeing 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,1,"im disappearing from this world. no one helps me even when i cry so desperately for it. i ask people to take care of my shattered heart, yet it still gets destroyed over and over again. ive been broken for too long. i will be commiting suicide at the end of this year. if you want to try stop me, maybe give me some hope, my instagram is @wiggletickles.alt. this is not a joke. i will be hanging myself. i will die. a suicide will happen. unless one of you have some special power that gives me hope. see you all in hell 🥃💔💀🖕",-0.9737,negative,hopeful 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741-741 text HOME United Kingdom: 08457909090 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_2,3,"Oh hey, you’re here too",0.0,neutral,agreeing 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,4,"im too numb to care. ive been helping people my entire life, and i just get used and stepped on. this is for me. my relief.",0.7269,positive,content 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,5,i will probably forget about this post and just do it without saying my goodbyes to everyone,-0.2263,negative,content 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_3,6,dude i lost 2 sisters and do you think i want to be here i dont wanna die i just want the pain to end and helping people numb the pain a litttle,-0.6546,negative,questioning 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_4,7,Are you okay? Are you alive?,0.594,positive,questioning 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_5,8,then why tf did you make this pst. LOOK AT HOW MANY PEOPLE RESPONDED. DONT DO THIS,0.0,neutral,neutral 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,9,"sorry, not sorry. i feel no remorse. im done caring for people who end up walking over me. im done with life.",0.6041,positive,sympathizing 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_3,10,you have no idea how hard it is waking up everyday knowing that i have a dead sister more than 1 and do you think im happy fuck no people at school can care less about me and you think this will solve any problem you just gonna cause more pain think about it man your sisters brothers mother father uncles aunts grandparents for god sacks dont do somthing you might regret like really man,-0.8553,negative,agreeing 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,11,"you have no idea how it feels to be rejected by everyone. and i mean EVERYONE!! friends have left. family disowns me. relationship? probably isnt even real. waking up every day to living people telling you that you are not wanted. walking around school only to be put down by EVERYBODY. my life is a living fucking hell. death may be a lot for you, but at least you have people who care.🥃",-0.3653,negative,lonely 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,12,cuz i was bored. not like you guys actually care,-0.0026,neutral,neutral 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),listener_5,13,"idk about you but i get really scared when i see a ""goodbye everyone, im hanging myself"" post on this subreddit. So sorry.",-0.7651,negative,sympathizing 3024,depressed,bye everyone (suicide),speaker,14,i just ask to join,0.29600000000000004,positive,confident 3025,depressed,Music?,speaker,1,I’m hitting one of my lows again and just need some distraction. Any music suggestions? None about relationships or being super happy. I would prefer to hear something that shows me I’m not alone in feeling the way I do.,0.6778,positive,lonely 3025,depressed,Music?,listener_1,2,Hello I’ve got a song. You can inbox me for the link,0.0,neutral,questioning 3025,depressed,Music?,speaker,3,"Great song, thank you 👌🏻",0.9141,positive,wishing 3025,depressed,Music?,speaker,4,"I liked Anxiety, very fitting, and WHY has always been one of my top songs, wonderful choice. However I couldn’t find Suicidal Thoughts. Regardless, thank you for these",0.5574,positive,grateful 3025,depressed,Music?,listener_2,5,"Also this one &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyqWjl7GkCE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jyqWjl7GkCE) &#x200B; Lyrics : Lyrics: Dead lungs command it. You pour your life down the rifle's spiral And show us you've earned it. Cleric's fog will recede right before your eyes. So long to this wretched form. Them grey eyes on the subway Long before you were born You were always to be a dagger floating Straight to their heart. Listen, now, we won't tell anyone. But you're gonna tell the world. So life ain't then any fun. Let your viscera unfurl As you rise; rise from your burning fiat, Go, go get my suitcase, would you? You've thoroughly blown their minds. And now I must have passage on the lines To the veins from your heart. You're not invisible, now. You just don't exist. Your mother must be so proud. You sublimate yourself, granting us a wish. Primitive mirror on the wall, to fortify your grim resolve. And made the glitz of a shopping mall another grain of indigent salt for the sea. Good night to these wretched forms All them gray eyes on the subway So long before you were born you were always to be a dagger floating straight to their heart.",0.9777,positive,impressed 3026,depressed,Please help me,speaker,1,I need help so bad,-0.4198,negative,afraid 3026,depressed,Please help me,listener_1,2,"TL;DR: DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS USER. This is most likely a troll. Alternatively, he is mentally ill to a degree that a chat friend on the internet cannot help him. It is less likely, but possible, that he is trying to draw in someone unusually patient and empathetic to manipulate for some ill purpose. He makes new accounts to evade subreddit bans, and some of his accounts have been suspended by reddit admins. It's in your best interest to ignore his posts, report, and move on without engaging. If you choose to respond, there is a substantial chance you'll receive no reply at all. If you get a reply, the most likely outcome is that his effort to have a conversation will be minimal at best. He relies on a small handful of phrases (e.g. -- ""im scared"" or ""ive never had a friend before"" or ""im all alone"") or a crying emoji (i.e. -- ;.;) until the other person gets frustrated and stops replying. If by some chance the other person is very patient and continues talking to him, he usually stops responding himself. On some rare occasions, he attempts to have some sort of long-term association with someone -- usually users who identify as female. If the ""new friend"" does not respond quickly enough for his liking, he lashes out and accuses her of ""being mean."" Likewise, if his behavior is acknowledged in a public forum (like this), his go-to response is something like, ""nuh uh you were mean to me,"" which he does even when screenshot evidence to the contrary is presented Here is a typical example of a lengthy exchange with him. He gives personal information that is mostly untrue. He has been ""18 years old"" since he started using reddit for this purpose, about two years ago. He resists attempts to help him find work and hobbies (other than spamming the same ad for 20 hours a day) by claiming to be homeless and to not have a Social Security number, neither of which are likely to be true. His childish writing style is an act, as he has been observed writing like a rational adult. Furthermore, he has been associated with a defunct YouTube channel (as a failed content creator). Feel free to update or just copy-paste this message anywhere you see posts and user histories extremely similar to this one, for the sake of warning kind-hearted people to invest their energy elsewhere. This is an incomplete list of the names he has used: /u/dfssdgsdgdsf (shadowbanned) /u/dfhgdhgfhfg (shadowbanned ) /u/sdfhggsdg (shadowbanned) /u/fdsggsdfgdf (shadowbanned) /u/dfsgdfsgdfsgfsfgdfgd (suspended account) /u/gdfhgfdhdfgfdhg (suspended account) /u/gfhghfhgfdhg(suspended account) /u/fdsgdshvf (suspended account) /u/fdghgfgfd (suspended account) /u/dfghjgfjkghfd /u/dfsgdshdgf (suspended account) /u/gtrsfghhgj (suspended account) /u/baboba12 /u/squiv1t/u/sdfgregre (suspended account) /u/dfsgdfsgfsd (suspended account) /u/nonamer1234 /u/bdaytiger u/alternativeneat u/name1121 (suspended account) u/IHATENAME12 u/treeatlander /u/seawhut (suspended account) /u/gilbertdathing(suspended account) /u/thecatcameback923 (suspended account) /u/dacatcameback /u/32dod /u/patrik4531 /u/gadma4356aa /u/tsdog /u/newday673 /u/Agreeable-Key/u/Accomplished-Olive /u/goocer13 /u/alton-avery /u/daydreams1994 /u/sazarara u/justind5d This is an incomplete list of the subreddits he has posted in: r/CasualConversation r/ForeverAloneDating r/GFD r/hardshipmates r/INeedAFriend r/InternetFriends r/LetsChat r/loneliness r/lonely r/KindVoice r/MakeNewFriends r/MakeNewFriendsHere  r/MeetNewPeopleHere r/MeetPeople r/MMFB r/NeedaFriend r/r4r r/randomactsofkindness r/sad r/SkypePals r/SuicideWatch r/textfriends r/vent r/seriousconversation r/themixednuts",-0.9919,negative,apprehensive 3026,depressed,Please help me,listener_2,3,"Don't copy and paste someone else's work without credit. You can just link the original post. We all know who this guy is, so just click the report button so we can remove it.",0.0299,neutral,angry 3026,depressed,Please help me,listener_1,4,"I'll be sure to do that on your sub. The original said to feel free to copy and add new info to, both of which I've been doing. On your sub I'll refrain however. Thank you!",0.8655,positive,faithful 3026,depressed,Please help me,listener_2,5,"I just like to give credit when people spend their time writing something like this up. You should do that on all subs, not just ours, so the original person gets their credit. But please let them know about this username as well. It's not in the original list.",0.8421,positive,grateful 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,speaker,1,"Life treats me like I'm nothing to society my parents couldn't give two shits about me, and all my friends are fake i feel as if I'm going into a never ending spiral into darkness. I get massively bullied no one will ever love me cause I'm a fucking mess i wish it all could just stop and the weight would lift off my shoulders i need a friends i don't think i will make it i cant go on like this i feel trapped inside my own mind and it all just needs to stop just for a moment please it hurts.",-0.6689,negative,lonely 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,listener_1,2,"hey! ik i cant do much,,, but i’m here, to talk, to help u maybe work thru stuff, to just make jokes with i’m pretty okay at keeping convos, ur not alone hun",0.9337,positive,neutral 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,speaker,3,"Hi I'm Chloe! I'm grateful that you took the time out of your day to see if I'm fine, It means a lot to me really its just a really tough time.",0.5104,positive,grateful 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,speaker,4,"I appreciate it, I personally can't afford real help i do have a few online friends that help me though. i appreciate the time you took to check on me it means a lot dude.",0.8378,positive,grateful 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,listener_1,5,"hello chloe :) it just makes me happy when others are happy,, and even if idk u personally i wanna be able to make sure ur not doing anything too dumb (tell me if i’m being too invasive)",0.8402,positive,acknowledging 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,speaker,6,your not trust me! it just means a lot to me.,-0.4577,negative,neutral 3027,depressed,Everything hurts,listener_1,7,<33 i’m glad. i just want u to know ur not alone and ilu no homo. idc if we’ve never met ilu,-0.636,negative,neutral 3028,depressed,Song requests??,speaker,1,I need something to distract me... just please put something .,0.0258,neutral,annoyed 3028,depressed,Song requests??,listener_1,2,https://youtu.be/ttfQqnskTO8,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 3028,depressed,Song requests??,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3029,depressed,"my friend (M14) is depressed, doesnt want help and threatens to kill himself",speaker,1,"my friend doesnt like talking about what happened to nobody. he doesnt want to write about it, talk about it, think about it. this means he also doesnt want to see a therapist anymore he says theyre useless and the only thing they do is make you lose feelings about it which is even more fucked up. i try telling him that thats not true but he wont believe me. he also hasnt been taken compliments anymore. he is getting more and more depressed everyday he says. i wont be sharing why cause he doesnt want a lot of people to know. he trusted me but after he told me he was going to kill himself and i told his girlfriend ( i live in europe and he lives in America so i wasnt able to go to his house to check on him ) to check on him because he said he was going to kill himself he lost all trust in me. he has also said that. he doesnt like talking/dealing w people but his girlfriend took her mom w her when she went to his house and put him in a situation he didnt like. ( there were more people involed in putting him in that situation. they had a groupchat i wasnt in so i did not know what they were doing. he thought i was involved w putting him in that situation, i explained to him i wasnt and hes a litlle less pissed now) he has also sent pictures of him cutting himself and writting 'fuck my life' in his leg with cuts around it. i am really worried. he sent a song in the gc were all in with the lyrics 'ill be gone in a day or two'. i am really worried, what can i do to make him seek help (he says he doesnt want it but he needs it) , trust me again, what can i do to help him? what kind of things should i say so he gets less mad, sad and stays alive? gf F13 me F13 other people involved M14/15 and F13/14",-0.9941,negative,sad 3029,depressed,"my friend (M14) is depressed, doesnt want help and threatens to kill himself",listener_1,2,When someone tells me they are going to kill themselves I call 911. If it is person I leave my phone in in my pocket and talk to them so they can hear the conversation and send someone. If they send me an email I call 911 and give them their phone number to GPS them. I do not care if you are pissed at me. We can deal with that after you get the help you need. Do not be the person with the secret.,-0.8667,negative,trusting 3029,depressed,"my friend (M14) is depressed, doesnt want help and threatens to kill himself",speaker,3,i dont keep it a secret and other people know too. if he doesnt respond at times u usually does we always send someone to his house. and believe me if something is clearly wrong we'll call 911.,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 3029,depressed,"my friend (M14) is depressed, doesnt want help and threatens to kill himself",speaker,4,multiple people already know and all his family members too (its not a lot though),0.0,neutral,neutral 3030,depressed,Intrusive thoughts :/,speaker,1,"I know they like me, they're my friends. They wouldn't have invited me to join them on this trip if they didn't like me. They wouldn't have paid for my ticket for me to come with them bc I have no money if they didn't want me to come. Yet - as irrational as I know it is - I still fell asleep yesterday with the sentence ""I shouldn't have come"" on repeat on my head. I woke up in the middle of the night with the same thought. I know they like me. Yeah, I know it but I still feel like I'm a burden. I feel like they don't actually like me and they've just taken pity on me. I don't know, it's something I hate to think yet I can't help it. I wish I could just enjoy myself without overthinking so much. I'm trying my best to stay positive but it's so fcking hard.",0.8937,positive,embarrassed 3030,depressed,Intrusive thoughts :/,listener_1,2,what methods have you used to distract yourself so far?,-0.29600000000000004,negative,questioning 3030,depressed,Intrusive thoughts :/,speaker,3,Mostly interacting with them or sleep. Both seem to work (for a while at least).,0.0,neutral,lonely 3031,depressed,Trick to being happy?,speaker,1,"I am 35 and I don't remember the last time I had a genuine feeling of happy, I get brief moments here and there but they don't last. My average time for a relationship is around 3 months, usually something goes a foul with either me being cheated on or them just not wanting to be with me. Well that all changed May of last year, I met a woman that at the time of seemed to click with and at this point in my life I was happy being single, but with her it was different, I felt like this is the one I wanted to be with, fast forward a year and a half we are engaged and move out of state to start our new lives together, I should add she has two children from a previous marriage that look at me like their father. Well we now have a house on a little piece or land and everything seems to be great, I thought I finally had everything I wanted, the whole American dream if you will...well so I thought...last night she came home after spending almost 4 days away so she could have some ""me"" time. She finally came home and we had a conversation about her not being happy and she doesn't know what to do. We talked for about 4 hours and things only seemed to get worse and by the time 3am hit I had to get to sleep so I could be at work at 9am so I went to the bedroom and she slept on the couch. I came home from work and her engagement ring was sitting on the kitchen counter that she left before she went to work at a bar. I broke down and cried for the first time since I could remember, I honestly don't know what to do or where I can go if she decides she doesn't want me in her life anymore, I don't have the money to move back to my home state and I feel unwanted and alone, I don't want to hurt myself, I just don't know what I want to do other than try to find happiness that I have been missing.",0.9688,positive,content 3031,depressed,Trick to being happy?,listener_1,2,Just came across this and want to reach out and send my condolences. I just got out of a relationship yesterday and I'm devasted and hardly want to get out of bed.. Have things gotten any better the last two weeks? You are not alone!,0.653,positive,sentimental 3031,depressed,Trick to being happy?,speaker,3,"Honestly it has been a very strange two weeks, since this post she went from avoiding me to as of two or three days ago telling me she loves and misses me, I honestly don't know what to think or do. I want to believe things will be ok but I can't take another episode like that. I had never felt so alone and unwanted in my whole life. I still care about her and as of right now she says she cares about me, but I can't help but to think I need to get out and go back to California.",0.7843,positive,lonely 3031,depressed,Help me,listener_2,1,I’m just so tired of literally everyone I love making me the reason they aren’t happy I just wish I knew a way out,0.782,positive,angry 3031,depressed,Help me,listener_3,2,whats wrong?,-0.4767,negative,questioning 3031,depressed,Help me,listener_2,3,My baby mom is telling me I’m the reason she’s not happy and she cheated on me a couple of weeks Ago but didn’t tell me I have no friend where I live and nobody to talk to about my feelings this feels like an endless loop of pain,-0.8312,negative,lonely 3032,depressed,yippie,speaker,1,"just had a break down, ruined my new years miss old friends sad depressed, it hard wish there people to talk to that understand",-0.6908,negative,lonely 3032,depressed,yippie,listener_1,2,did anything trigger the breakdown ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3032,depressed,yippie,speaker,3,family you know just shitty year in general,-0.5574,negative,sad 3033,depressed,New Year’s Eve is depressing as hell. Change my mind...,speaker,1,"Title pretty much sums it up. Couldn’t really tell you why it’s so rough on me every year. But it seems like things get very dismal as December comes to an end. Everyone is having a great time and all I can think about is the things I need to improve on and how complicated taking that next step is. New Years resolutions are bullshit. I love life but it’s hard to keep my chin up when I feel like this, and it seems like it’s only getting worse as the years fly by. Anyone else feel this?",0.8823,positive,sad 3033,depressed,New Year’s Eve is depressing as hell. Change my mind...,listener_1,2,"ya, especially the bit about a lot of other people having fun tonight. next year could be different for both of us. crossing fingers!",0.5562,positive,encouraging 3033,depressed,New Year’s Eve is depressing as hell. Change my mind...,speaker,3,Cheers to next year and the possibility of things getting better. I can’t complain about my current situation but I still feel an existential crisis coming on for no good reason. It’s very hard to change my thinking for the better but I know it’s possible. Probably just need to get over myself but these mental obstacles are challenging. Thank you for listening.,-0.6057,negative,hopeful 3033,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,"Both my parents have passed away (Mom-2014, Dad-2019) and for the past year I’ve been living with my bro. I’m 19 and am constantly taunted in the house, making me feel even more shit. I can’t really move out since it’s considered somewhat taboo in my culture. I’m just so done with life right now, even have thought about ending it a number of times last year but couldn’t bring myself to do it. Yet I have nothing to live for....",-0.3174,negative,lonely 3033,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,You have your whole life ahead of you. Everything is gonna be ok. This is temporary. You’ll look back on this some day and be so glad you’re in a better place. Trust that and do what you can to see it happens. And know that you are never alone.,0.8958,positive,trusting 3033,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,"Thanks bud, I hope it will",0.7003,positive,encouraging 3034,depressed,"Sorry to interrupt your scroling but, I feel like every new year life is just going to get worse and worse for me and I don't have the will or energy to stop it",speaker,1,I just honestly don't care anymore if shit happens it happens Basically i wouldn't really care that much if i got run over by a truck or something,-0.7247,negative,apprehensive 3034,depressed,"Sorry to interrupt your scroling but, I feel like every new year life is just going to get worse and worse for me and I don't have the will or energy to stop it",listener_1,2,Why yall always sorry what the fuck 🤣,-0.1531,negative,sympathizing 3034,depressed,"Sorry to interrupt your scroling but, I feel like every new year life is just going to get worse and worse for me and I don't have the will or energy to stop it",speaker,3,Because we feel like we're interrupting your day with our pointless existence and wasting your time. So we apologize for doing so.,-0.1832,negative,sympathizing 3034,depressed,"Sorry to interrupt your scroling but, I feel like every new year life is just going to get worse and worse for me and I don't have the will or energy to stop it",listener_2,4,Could be the depression,-0.5719,negative,suggesting 3034,depressed,"Sorry to interrupt your scroling but, I feel like every new year life is just going to get worse and worse for me and I don't have the will or energy to stop it",listener_1,5,yeah i get that but everybody here are depressed so there's no need to feel that way,-0.7945,negative,agreeing 3035,depressed,fuck everyone.,speaker,1,"sorry for the triggered adults on here, but fuck adults. most of them, anyways. told my dad i was having problems with my self - esteem and how i feel, and the first thing that came to mind was bullying. I've been bullied before, without their knowledge, but no. My dad's a, like, 40+ year old man, who wouldn't know self - esteem if it smacked him in the face. I told him I'm fat and he knew it, and he slapped me gently, telling me I wasn't and that I should stop thinking that way. After our hour - long rant in the kitchen, surrounded by the amazing sights and smells of food, I felt Drained. I now realise just how much I can't trust myself, or anyone anymore. I'm not coming to post this to target him, I get it, he doesn't understand, but you can't trust anyone in this life, year after year. I've been telling school about my problems, but i dont even know if they're significantly doing anything to help. they said they'd have to tell my parents if i was harming myself, and i am, sometimes, but i cant risk them finding out. Help? please. you don't have to, but it would be good to know that there are people who understand. I know some people may say I should get of reddit and stuff, and ask for ""irl"" help, but I've run out of people to look up to. my freinds know, some of them, few of them care, they don't care. I know they don't want to help, as much as they try and trick me into believing they do, they only want to know how i feel, and not do anything.",-0.9455,negative,ashamed 3035,depressed,fuck everyone.,listener_1,2,hey sorry to hear things aren't going so well at school. Are your teachers aware of the bullying? Administrators can be helpful but if your teachers know they can help potentially stop it too.,0.2313,positive,sympathizing 3035,depressed,fuck everyone.,speaker,3,"last time I was bullied, I got in trouble. because they ddint tell the full story, despite the fact that I was the one who went to tell school because [the bullies] threatened to beat me up. they told school some things i said, without letting me finish. I feel guilty every day for what I did, but the problem was that they were all freinds, the bullies, and coming into school that day was shameful. everyone looked at me, the whole news had spread.. and people still ask about it now. makes me want to curl up in a corner and die.",-0.964,negative,ashamed 3035,depressed,fuck everyone.,listener_1,4,unsure about your father but maybe your other family members might have some advice/be able to help you solve this issue. Most family members would never let their relative get harassed at school. If it gets bad enough (which it already is) and your school does nothing you could even have a legal case against them in the USA at least I believe.,-0.6705,negative,suggesting 3035,depressed,fuck everyone.,speaker,5,"I just dont want to cause trouble.. I'm a quiet person anyways.. more recently so. they don't really talk to me anymore, anyways, so i leave them alone. thanks.",-0.3612,negative,neutral 3036,depressed,My ex glew up and I’m scared,speaker,1,"Me (girl) and my ex (girl) broke up before Christmas, witch is very hard and I’m still dealing with that, it was not THAT long ago and she posted a pic on insta and she is looking so good and just amazing -egirl like- and I just broke down. She is so gorgeous and I’m just here one tear away from dyeing my hair purple. She has clear skin. I have lil acne. She wears a lot of makeup. I barley wear any. She has so much style. my clothes are so basic. She’s a gamer girl. I’m more into memes. So when I get back from being on holiday I’m going to have a mental breakdown and dye my hair purple, get a hole new wardrobe, get into makeup more and try get a better 2020 then her. I WANT TO PROVE I CAN BE A BAD BITCH. I know this is a bad mindset but, it’s all I think about. Idk how to react in a situation like this —— pls help",0.8323,positive,jealous 3036,depressed,My ex glew up and I’m scared,listener_1,2,"Was the breakup on good terms? If not just try to remeber the reason it ended in the first place and that it was not right. Also remember social media is fake af sure she probably does look good but a lot of effort, angling and (maybe) photoshop goes into the images of people on the platform Instagram. Although I’ve told you that I’m still guilty to feeling depressed after I browse Instagram everyday :( but of a hypocrit",-0.8674,negative,questioning 3036,depressed,My ex glew up and I’m scared,listener_2,3,I noticed one of these... :( So here take this... :D,0.4388,positive,disgusted 3036,depressed,My ex glew up and I’m scared,listener_1,4,Aw thanks bot!,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,speaker,1,It’s just an endless loop of me being happy then the depression hits and I finally get threw it am happy for a short period then boom the depression again I just don’t know what to do anymore I’m only 15 and I’ve been on so many medications for all this shit and therapist and everything even had brainscans and still feel like I’m on step 1 to solving all this. Just don’t know how much longer I can do this I mean if I’m 15 now imagine how it’s gonna be in 15 more years.,-0.09,negative,sad 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,listener_1,2,"I won't say the depression will go away, but you will most likely learn how to cope with it more as you age. My depression started when I was 13, and by time I was your age I had the same attitude. I had even decided that I was going to take my own life and was just waiting to be alone long enough to ensure no one would be able to stop it. Luckily, before I had a chance, I found a reason to keep going for a bit longer, and while that too ended badly, it showed me that life can have some good parts. Since then, I have had some good times, but I have still dealt with depression a lot. The difference is I have learned how to handle the depression much better. I have also realized as I got older that depression doesn't actually get that much worse with age, you just get depressed about different things.",-0.9645,negative,grateful 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,speaker,3,Thank you so much I’ve started feeling a bit better and just seeing this stuff means a lot. If it’s ok with you could I ask what was that reason that kept you going a bit longer?,0.7964,positive,questioning 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,listener_1,4,"It was a girl. She was going through some of the same things I was, and we both confided in each other. Seeing her each day actually made me happy during my otherwise miserable life. It also really helped to know that I wasn't the only one in pain. I say it ended badly though, because I fooled myself into thinking she might have feelings for me. When I found out she didn't share my feelings, I was crushed, and quite possibly at the lowest point I've ever been, but by then I had decided to give life another chance. To this day, I still believe she is both the worst and best thing to ever happen to me, and I literally owe her my life.",-0.6421,negative,trusting 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,speaker,5,I currently have a girlfriend and I went into Highschool saying I’m not dating me and my friends swore but then I fell in love with my best friend and she fell for me and since then we have been together and the relationship is fine but I honestly don’t know if I can handle a break up like I never really realIzed what I got myself into and how much I love her. It’s like I don’t see any point of life if she’s not in it and even the thought of her with another guy makes my stomach curl. Is there any recommendations Bc I’m honestly worried about what I’ll do to myself if this ends We currently have zero problems and she’s awesome but even the thought that one day she might leave makes me wanna cry and I don’t know what to do like I said before I feel like I got myself into something I’m no where near ready for,0.9929,positive,apprehensive 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,listener_1,6,"I'm not sure I'm the best to give advice on that situation. Lets hope it never gets to that. All I can say is just remember that there will be more good times to come, and just keep reminding yourself that the good times are worth it even when you're in your worst times.",0.8414,positive,hopeful 3037,depressed,This depression stuff kickin my ass,speaker,7,Thanks man just knowing people are even trying to help means a lot to me,0.6808,positive,grateful 3038,depressed,Depressions’ aftermath,speaker,1,"Instead of writing about my brush with the extreme sadness, hopelessness and anxiety, let me tell you about the aftermath. You’ll think that everything goes back to normal, but here’s where you’re wrong. It’ll never be the same. Yes, you’ll be better, but the despair of falling into the same state again never really leaves you. You’ll tread carefully with your next move, learning how to identify symptoms, how to help yourself get out of it. But there’s only so much you can do. Because you’re addicted to those feelings of extreme sadness, it’s the only thing you feel, it helps you feel again. You’re voided of all other happiness, excitement, love. Sadness, extreme bouts of sadness, that’s the only feeling. Holding your breath, holding in your stomach, you hold yourself and tell yourself it will be over, but it keeps happening again. And again. Till that you learn to live with it. Till that it is normal. You’re afraid of someone seeing you like this, because when you’re in it, you can’t control how you feel, how your face is drain of all life, how you’ve lost all your appetite, how anxiety takes over till you can’t sleep, can’t focus, it takes over all your priorities, it takes away all that you love, it leaves you empty and anxious. It eats away at you, slowly, but surely. You can’t pull yourself out of it. You try to snap out of it, your friends try, your family don’t, because they are not around to see it and you don’t tell them about, they try, but it does not work like that. Only when you return home, you start feeling better, still voided of other emotions, but no longer anxious or sad. It changes you, it changed you. Here I am, thinking that changing me will be all it ever was, but then, it’s happening again. Moving abroad. That’s my trigger. I am sick to my stomach, anxious till I can’t sleep, can’t breathe even. I try to tell myself I have lived through it, I can get through it again. It’s a symptom for a relapse. I can’t ever go back into that darkness again. Almost two years later, but it still feels like it all happened yesterday. I am relapsing. Background note: I suffered from a state of depression when I moved to Australia for Uni from Asia in 2017-2018. I am moving back again next month for my Masters.",-0.1964,negative,sad 3038,depressed,Depressions’ aftermath,listener_1,2,Thanks for putting this in words,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3038,depressed,Depressions’ aftermath,speaker,3,Thank you for reading.,0.3612,positive,wishing 3038,depressed,Depressions’ aftermath,speaker,4,Thank you it really means a lot.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3039,depressed,I feel anxious about going back to college,speaker,1,"Winter break just ended and I have to go back today. I’ve been feeling down the whole last semester. I have one last semester left before I graduate. I feel empty inside and I feel like I haven’t done much fun stuff with college. I’m 22 and still a virgin/never been in a relationship (although I have been kissed but that was at a parties/clubs by strangers, and very rarely, so meaningless), and it’s eating me up, because I feel like no one wants me. The few girls who I got “close” with (and by close I mean talking) turned me down, and last semester I got friendzoned by the girl I liked. I have no clues how to date or how to initiate intimacy. All of my friends have had sex/dated and I feel so left out. I’ve lied to people about my lack of success just so I don’t get mocked. I’ve been underweight most of my life too and no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to put on weight or bulk up. I’ve never been athletic and don’t have anything to show for that. I’m also not an interesting person, or had any interesting life experiences. I don’t have enough money to travel, and don’t really have any unique hobbies or skills. When I was in high school my parents were very strict and never let me go out, which I feel has socially stunted me. I don’t know if I’ll get a job after graduation (despite being in a decent field) and when I return home i feel like I’ll be stuck at there NEETing and working minimum wage jobs. Two of my closest friends have got jobs laid out after gradation. I know when I graduate I’ll be miserable.",0.923,positive,lonely 3039,depressed,I feel anxious about going back to college,listener_1,2,"Hey. I know how you feel and it's rough but instead of just sympathizing, I'd also like to leave some suggestions to help you get better. First, your college should have some form of counseling. Seek it out. I know it feels weird to talk about these issues but I promise it helps out. I also only looked into my universities councilor at my last semester but they did help me at least get on the right track to helping myself. It should be free or at least cheaper than paying 100% out of pocket. Second, I would recommend joining a club. I never wanted to leave my room throughout university if I didn't have to but one day I built up the strength to go to a club meeting and actually met a few people that were nice. It doesn't have to be academic, it can be in video games/hiking/volunteering anything really. It can help you make friends and start a hobby. Third, with any issues you may have about your body type, first understand that everyone is built differently. There's some guys out there that will naturally be thin and have a hard time bulking up, guys that are naturally good at storing fat but can't lose it easily, and people in between. If you want help, I would recommend seeking out a nutritionist. If your university doesn't have one you can always find out your body type online and figure out what foods or supplements might help you out. Once you know what to eat then you can start maybe hitting the gym and focus on weights. Maybe even try talking to some guys you see there. I never talked to anyone the first few times I went but then randomly I decided to ask a stranger that was clearly more fit than me for some advice and she was super nice! People who like working out usually also like giving help on working out. It's also a great way to socialize and make new friends. Finally, don't be upset that you're not in a relationship currently. The most important thing to do is to love yourself before you can love someone else. I know it sounds corny as hell or from someone that doesn't know what's going on but trust me. I had never dated in my life before my last year. I thought I would never find a guy that would think I'm attractive and any guy I tried to flirt with turned me down. I started to work on myself: fixing my hair, working on clearing up my skin, eating healthier, wearing clothes that complemented my body type instead of oversized jeans and a tshirt, etc. Over time I gathered a little bit more confidence and went to a pool party and ended up socializing and meeting my now current boyfriend. I didn't think it would have happened but it did. It just happens at random and you can't force it but one thing that can help the probability is taking care of yourself first. I promise. I promise I'm not just someone who doesn't know what depression can do to you or that I don't understand that what I suggested above is difficult. I'm still battling a lot of stuff but thanks to working on myself I now have people around me to support me better than I could do alone. Good luck to you in university! It gets better, I promise you.",0.9995,positive,caring 3039,depressed,I feel anxious about going back to college,listener_1,3,"Also, don't feel bad about whether or not you've had sex. It'll eventually happen and you're not any lesser than anyone else for it. Being a virgin isn't weird and I assure you it's only a negative trait if you make it one. Plus, with feeling like you're not interesting, the club thing can help. Especially if it's in a hobby. If not, you can always look up skills you can work on online or through YouTube like drawing, programming, biking, embroidering, etc. If nothing interests you, still pick just one thing and dedicate yourself to working on getting better. Take a picture of your first attempt at that skill and then in a few months take another picture and compare them. If it's still something you don't like, try something new. Keep going until just one thing sticks.",0.7941,positive,agreeing 3040,depressed,I'm just going to put this here,speaker,1,"I'm 20 years old and M. I live in the us and I live with my parents. I have a job that is sucking the life out of me and I'm bored of it. I had a relationship for 3 years and we broke up a couple months ago. It was a very toxic relationship, I was used by her, she never defended me, she put me down alot of the time. Also my friends I had don't talk to me anymore. I also have to deal with abuse I suffered from my kindergarten teacher when I was young. My mom is healing after a surgery. My grandpa just had his appendix rush and we are the only ones helping him out. My mom just recently told me during a talk that my sister's husband cheat on my sister and my nephew was assaulted by his uncle. Also my little brother is suicidal because he gets teased because he can't read. I don't know my mom told me all this shit, she knows what I'm going through, I've told her that I'm depressed and I feel empty all the time. I am going to therapy, I don't really think it's helping. My mom is trying to help me,but in all the wrong ways. I don't really know what to do any more, I feel empty inside and I just feel my whole crashing around. I just really want to sleep all the time.",-0.981,negative,lonely 3040,depressed,I'm just going to put this here,listener_1,2,"Try and find therapist who has been trained in EMDR. It stands for Eye movement Desensitization Reprocessing. It helps with trauma and essentially trying to reprogram your brain to not be affected by past trauma. Helped me move from one grey puddle to the next, but your next puddle might be the ocean. Best of luck man.",0.8785,positive,wishing 3040,depressed,I'm just going to put this here,speaker,3,Thank you for respecting. I will definitely look into this and another therapist,0.8126,positive,agreeing 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,speaker,1,"I’m extremely depressed right now. My mom has been in the hospital all day because her heart has been acting up again and I’m worried something bad will happen. Another thing that sucks is the person I wanna talk to doesn’t even want to talk to me anymore and it hurts. I don’t know why I get ghosted by so many people. I’m funny, I’m nice, I’m understanding and I listen. Why can’t one fucking person just stay in my goddamn life is it too much to ask for. This year is turning to Shit already and it’s only been almost 3 days now. Im honestly at the point where I just wanna fucking die but at the same time I don’t because I have to stay here for my mom. I want to cry but I just can’t I have no tears left. Anyways I just had to vent because I have so much going on and nobody listens to me so I don’t even bother trying to tell anyone Shit and I just keep things in too much and I eventually want to explode and fucking punch a wall. If you read this far thanks for taking time out of your day or night to read this dumb vent",-0.9584,negative,sad 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,listener_1,2,I hope your mom is okay.,0.5859,positive,consoling 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,speaker,3,Yeah me too,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,speaker,4,Yes,0.4019,positive,agreeing 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,speaker,5,Hell yeah,-0.5267,negative,agreeing 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,listener_2,6,Can I dm you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,listener_2,7,Coool,0.0,neutral,angry 3041,depressed,Wish someone would talk to me,speaker,8,Sure,0.3182,positive,agreeing 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,1,"You guys.. my boyfriend broke up with me last night at 4 am. It was completely out of nowhere and I’m really destroyed.. he said my depression was making him exhausted and my trust issues hurt him and he also struggled with my jealousy.. I tried really hard not to be jealous but I did have trust issues because a couple of months ago his friend had found out she had been cheated on and asked my boyfriend if she could stay the night cause she needed his comfort and he said yes. I told him no she couldn’t cause I know girls intentions sometimes and that’s not normal in my opinion. I burned that bridge with that girl. Another thing I got jealous over was the fact he’s going on a road trip with a girl he met online next summer and he’s never met her in person but he’s going on a road trip with her across the country. I don’t think these things are normal and I don’t know if he knows boundaries between female friends and girlfriend. The only difference I felt was that him and I sleep together. I didn’t feel special at all. So I was jealous and I did try to bite my tongue but sometimes comments slipped out. My depression is bad and has been bad for years. But I tried keeping a smile on my face everytime I saw him in person but over text he could tell when my mood would get sad and he said it made him feel bad and would drain him. I believe he’s a great guy and I didn’t know he was feeling drained or unhappy because he always told me how happy he was with me, we were looking at houses in Texas or Utah and we talked about marriage and kids... He spent New Years Eve with my dads side of the family and was my first New Years kiss. Then the next day he dumped me at 4 am after his friend he hung out with went home.. I don’t know what to do but I wanna fix this.. I was trying so hard to work on my jealousy and I struggled so hard trying to get over things he’d do cause it just wasn’t normal to me.. but he was lovey to me and so awesome... I don’t wanna lose this how do I fix this how do I fix myself..? He keeps saying the damage was done but he never communicated to me he wasn’t happy and never even tried to make it work.. I feel horrible and I feel like it’s completely my fault and I feel so fucked up because I can’t help getting so sad and overwhelmed in my own emotional state. What do I do to fix myself I don’t wanna lose him.",-0.9851,negative,devastated 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,listener_1,2,I’d recommend cutting him out of your life entirely and starting anew. Going on a road trip with an online acquaintance is weird. Letting a female sleep over at your place when you’re in a committed relationship.... also fucking weird. Me and my wife are in an open relationship but we have boundaries and rules that we have developed together over the 12 years we have been together. I’d focus on yourself and making personal goals to strive for. Dont get hung up on anyone until you are comfortable with where you are alone and only bring someone into your life that will enhance a life you already love.,0.8736,positive,trusting 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,listener_2,3,"As a 25 year old male with more female friends than males I have seen his type of behavior frequently with my friends relationships and they all end the same way. He is using you and starting to get tired, Guys like that don’t want a relationship only a good time. If he really cared for you he would tell you to deal with your own problems on your own but will be right beside you. Ditch him and find someone who will love you for who you are and understand what you are feeling. Depression isn’t easy at any lvl and the ones who say they love you shouldn’t be leaving you alone. None of what he’s done shows that he cares for you. You need to love yourself for everything that you are and aren’t.",0.9794,positive,faithful 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,listener_3,4,Wtf. Ya sorry you definitely need to move on. This isn’t healthy normal behavior.,0.0772,positive,agreeing 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,5,I’m trying to find a psychiatrist to help me get back on meds,0.4019,positive,hopeful 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,listener_4,6,"Meds or not, they should help you figure out what's wrong and help you past it.",-0.3935,negative,neutral 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,7,Another update: we aren’t getting back together and he told me that us breaking up made him lose his job and that it’s my fault because I didn’t change and I made him unhappy,-0.802,negative,devastated 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,listener_4,8,"That is in no way your fault. His happiness is his responsibility alone and you can just contribute to it, but if he's unhappy that's his fault.",-0.836,negative,neutral 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,9,"I understand depression drains a significant other but that’s why I am getting help, I’m getting therapy and trying to get back on meds,",0.3818,positive,sad 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,10,"And I understand that very much, I was loving to him but when he was lying I’d call him out and get really sad",-0.8289,negative,agreeing 3042,depressed,My depression is ruining my relationship please help!!!,speaker,11,It’s on him but he loves playing the victim and blames me for his own issues. To him I was always wrong. And I see that I was just standing my ground and calling him out on his bullshit. I’m over him manipulating me and trying to make me feel at fault about everything.,-0.9442,negative,furious 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,speaker,1,"God created you with a purpose, so don't let anyone tell you that you're worthless.",0.0516,positive,faithful 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,listener_1,2,Hello,0.0,neutral,wishing 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,speaker,3,hiii,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,listener_1,4,I am relatively new here,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,speaker,5,nice to meet you!!!,0.5684,positive,acknowledging 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,listener_1,6,Nice to meet you too.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,speaker,7,how are you doing,0.0,neutral,questioning 3043,depressed,I hope you feel better. I’m here if anyone wants someone to talk to.,listener_1,8,It's going.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 3044,depressed,YEAH I LOST BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!,speaker,1, 5 Years ago I lost my best friend to depression. I was only 11. Didn't have much of emotions during that time but as time passed by I do miss him a lot. I don't have a best friend till date! Soooo I decided to beat this effin demon up. Yeah. Even I got captured by it but I defeated it. Wanna help everyone out here too to beat the shit up! It's enough! If any one of u feel depressed and lonely..... Don't worry I am there for u no matter what! Feel free to txt me!,0.4313,positive,joyful 3044,depressed,YEAH I LOST BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!,listener_1,2,You are really strong. Thank for your kind words. And for sure you are giving people courage and strength thank you for that. Keep going and i wish you all the best!,0.9827,positive,wishing 3044,depressed,YEAH I LOST BUT I AM NOT GIVING UP!,speaker,3,thank you. Remember if u ever need me.....i am just a dm away!!!,0.5229,positive,sympathizing 3045,depressed,My experience about depression,speaker,1,"Okay that's my very first one post on Reddit and also, forgive my bad English btw (I'm trying guys ). Well I""m 19 and.. it's been for 9 years that I'm depressed, I've never been diagnosticated but I always assimilated myself with it (moreover I'm too scared to see a psychologist). (I don't even know if I'm legit but anyways). I just hate the world, I hate been bullied by my patent because I'm a guy and I can't wear makeup, when I'm at home (I live at my parent's home) I'm just scared to be me in any ways, like wathever I done or I will do I'm gonna be judge because that's ""weird"" or ""uncommun"", they're saying that to protect me from the others but GOD IT'S SO TOXIC, I just feel that I can't be truly me anywhere. Outside ? Ow boy you can be hiting to death for anything because you're not supposed to doing this. I hate my whole life, I always think that everything gonna be okay later but it's getting worst since I enter into the fantastic and marvelous world of adulthood ! I pretended to be another person my whole life and I'm tired. I'm scared of everybody and it's so hard to me to trust somebody. And I know that I'm part of the problem and I try to fixed my insecurities but even if I try hard it doesn't work, nothing is working. Sometimes I just think that maybe I don't deserve to be love for being truly me. I'm just sick of this world full of judgement, hate and fears about the difference. Maybe I just don't deserve to live and everything is my fault because I don't question myself enough. Anyways, today I'm just terriblely lost in everything that compose my life and maybe I should just stopped going forward, because the harder I try, the worst my life became. Thank you if you read everything, you're a warrior guy because it's a fatty fat pile of depressed stuff. So love you and have a nice day or night wathever 😄✌️",-0.9914,negative,ashamed 3045,depressed,My experience about depression,listener_1,2,"Please,Please go see a therapist!! Or at least talk to a trusted friend about this. Sounds like you have a lot insecurities going on and afraid of being yourself. I can relate, but things we’ll get better by making changes like finding ways to boost your self confidence (join a new hobby, excerise, new hair cut, etc.) Also, why are you scared of being yourself in front of your parents? Talk to them about it if you can.",0.9431,positive,questioning 3045,depressed,My experience about depression,speaker,3,"Okay that's weird to explain, I know they want the best for me but they are overprotected and still treat me as a child, like I'm still a 9 years old child who need protection and guidance all the time according to them. They are not too encouraging, but more in a reproaching education. And also they always see things in a negative way. So I'm scared to make them scared and it's a BIG ISSUE. They are basically healthy but toxic in the shape.",-0.684,negative,afraid 3045,depressed,My experience about depression,listener_1,4,"Ah okay, so basically they don’t want to see your hurt but at the same time can be really negative... interesting. This won’t get resolved unless you at least try talk to them about it. You could start off explaining to them what they’re doing makes you feel stuck and unsure of yourself and you don’t want to be babied all of the time. If, they still don’t understand get it.. idk man, that’s a tough spot. I would strongly recommend seeing a therapist.",-0.2668,negative,acknowledging 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,speaker,1,"i saw a picture of my ex today, it was a picture of him and this girl i was worried about throughout our whole relationship. he looked really happy, hugging and dancing with her. i remember when i would get him to dance with me. i don’t want to romanticize him but he was like my home. i felt so safe and at peace with him. i felt like he could do no wrong to me. he did though. he ignored me constantly and always made me feel bad for how i felt like it was wrong. he would tell me my feelings are bs etc. i wasn’t the perfect gf either but i tried my best. i really did. i never saw him out of my life. i still feel like he’ll enter it again one day. i feel so angry though. i trusted him with everything just for him to hurt me so so bad. he has me blocked and has not once checked up on me after(i know he’s not obligated to) i feel like i should hate him and never want him in my life again. he was my other half. apart of my soul. i just wanted to grow with him. i don’t know how to move on. how do i let go knowing one of my worst fears was always true? how do i accept the person that i thought loved me so much never really did? he was so ok with doing anything that hurt me knowing it would. i don’t care what anyone has to say it wasn’t love but mine was. i really just wanna be alone forever. just when i think i’m getting better everything gets bad again.",0.9669,positive,trusting 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_1,2,"You have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. Realize what you’ve learned, and apply it towards the future. In addition, focus not on what you think you’ve lost (you probably dodged a bullet tbh), but on yourself and what you may gain in the future if you work on yourself diligently. Don’t be scared of the future because of the past. Things can get better; they will get better. Take care of yourself.",0.9201,positive,hopeful 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_2,3,"I learned thus when I broke up from ym first ever relationship.. OP, it'll take time, but you'll get there!",-0.2942,negative,neutral 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,speaker,4,no shit,0.4449,positive,agreeing 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_3,5,you honestly think it's ok to say something like this to a depressed person? really man?,0.5803,positive,questioning 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,speaker,6,thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_4,7,"Yeah, it's how life works also i know it's hard but we have to keep this in mind that no one is obligated to be with us always, sad but true",-0.431,negative,neutral 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_3,8,"yes but she's already feeling like shit, can you please have the decency to keep your opinion to yourself?",0.4404,positive,questioning 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_4,9,Yeah cus it's better to just lie urself,0.6249,positive,neutral 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_3,10,this is the last thing she needs to hear ok? why are you being so stubborn,-0.541,negative,questioning 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_3,11,"yw <3 please ignore this guy, everything's going to be fine I promise you",0.6908,positive,consoling 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_4,12,"If u wanna think that i'm stubborn then okay i just think it's important to be honest with urself, it's bad to lie to urself and then be dissapointed",-0.0516,negative,neutral 3046,depressed,hate myself and want to die,listener_3,13,"even if so, she needs reassurance and validation right now",0.3612,positive,neutral 3047,depressed,Different world,speaker,1,Does anyone has a different world in their mind with sometimes same people that they see in thier life or sometimes even make people in their imagination and are only happy when they are in that world and just change when someone disturbs them? Or is even someone as weird as me and start imagining anime lifestyle in their mind?,0.1179,positive,questioning 3047,depressed,Different world,listener_1,2,"No, I do the same thing sometimes. It helps distract me from the long boring hours at high school where I mostly just sit at a desk.",-0.2263,negative,nostalgic 3047,depressed,Different world,speaker,3,Same school sucks,-0.3612,negative,agreeing 3048,depressed,Does Anyone Else Want a Near Death Experience?,speaker,1,Sometimes I think about having a near death experience where I fully believe I’m going to die but I end up living. I just want to know what goes through my head at that moment and what reasons my brain will try to give me to stay alive. It often feels like I’m searching for a reason to live and I have this weird fascination with thinking that staring death in the face will give me one. And if not then I’d know suicide isn’t the worst option.,-0.9333,negative,apprehensive 3048,depressed,Does Anyone Else Want a Near Death Experience?,listener_1,2,Have had multiple near death experiences. 0/10 do not recommend,-0.7193,negative,terrified 3048,depressed,Does Anyone Else Want a Near Death Experience?,listener_2,3,Also DMT might be of interest to you...,0.4588,positive,suggesting 3049,depressed,I'm miserable and unemployed!,speaker,1,"Today my GF went to visit her parents. Backstory, I ""co-owned"" a successful breakfast place with my mother. We had a disagreement in October and she pushed me out of the business. Because I was gullible and thought my family wouldn't screw me over, nothing was on paper so I couldn't collect unemployment or even get my percentage owed from the business. It's now January and my GF's parents have helped us out, reluctantly, my father has helped, and so has my brother. My brother and father don't like helping me until I start work in the near future (waiting on state approval to start a cannabis business in Massachusetts legally) but they're family who love me and want to see me succeed. So my GF went to her parents for the weekend to see them and do some laundry for free. They live about an hour away. Her mom told her that she should move back home so she can start saving money. Obviously that doesn't include me. Now my GF is mad that I'm mad at her parents. I questioned that if she did move back what would happen to me? I blew through my savings trying to support myself and her and she works for minimum wage. Her parents told her they won't help anymore. So what happens to me? I go live in a shelter? I can't be mad that they don't care what happens to me? Oh they helped us out? So has my family. At least my father and brother don't throw it in my face that they're helping me out. I'm just so miserable. I'm depressed. But no, leave me to struggle. I just needed to vent and rant. The tears suck.",-0.9296,negative,trusting 3049,depressed,I'm miserable and unemployed!,listener_1,2,have u tried getting a job?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3049,depressed,I'm miserable and unemployed!,speaker,3,Yes. I'm constantly asking around and applying. My resume is good. Professionally done. It's just tough right now where I live. Hopefully now that the holidays are over and the new year has arrived jobs might open back up. There's a gas station being built across the street from me and hoping I get an interview soon. Just was in my feelings when I wrote that.,0.9042,positive,hopeful 3049,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,I'm constantly anxious and my job doesn't help I would love to quit and try something new but I really want to finish my apprenticeship. It seems like whenever I get a little too emotional I get crazy depressed and my mind goes to dark places and it feels like they have been getting worse and lasting longer whenever it happens lately. I had one last night in front of my mum and she just sat there scrolling on her phone which just made me feel more shit. She has always treated me the worst even my other sibling have said it to me before even though I've always treated her the best and I've always tried my hardest to support her which she knows. I wasn't able to get to sleep till 3am which is a regular thing that has been going on for a few years. I did see a psychiatrist 2 years back but I was sick of crying after every session and I could tell my mum didn't like the fact that I went and when I said I didn't want to go anymore she looked so damn happy and canceled it straight away. I don't know what to do I'm still in a bad place of mind and the only reason I haven't done it is because I'm scared of the pain. Sorry if this is all over the place. Also I'm 18 if that matters.,-0.9832,negative,sad 3049,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,Is there a reason she treats you worse than your other siblings or is it just your perception (if you thought about it w/o emotion playing a factor)? Have you learned any coping mech. or excercise that you were thought by the psy?,-0.3939,negative,questioning 3049,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,I think it's might be because I've treated her too nicely and she's taken that for granted I don't know and it's not just me that thinks so my other sisters think so too. I used to bite my fingers but I forced myself to stop because my job requires me to have clean hands and such or I would scratch my arm and neck. I haven't learnt any from the psy.,-0.2023,negative,ashamed 3049,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,"So why are you too nice to your mom? Most people treat others poorly that are treated poorly, even if it's a relative.",0.6983,positive,questioning 3049,depressed,Help,listener_2,5,When I was younger she would always complain about us not listening to her and I felt sorry for her and I also had this cousin that treated him mum really nice and they got along really well so I thought that I would be able to get along with her better. I was never the best at connecting to people. At first it did go that way but than she started treating me like her slave and would make fun of me in front of my relatives. One instance that changed it was when she told me to go do something for her and by this point I was already fed up so I worked up my courage and said no than she looked at me shocked and laughed in my face about me growing some balls and made fun of me with my cousin. That really fucked me up.,0.8961,positive,trusting 3049,depressed,Help,listener_3,6,"Lol, your mom sounds like... a word I won't say since it's your mom. Learn to ignore people that gets under your skin, that would be my advice.",0.4215,positive,acknowledging 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,speaker,1,I hate everything about it. Trying to hold back tears as we speak,-0.6808,negative,sad 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,listener_1,2,I hate birthdays too. Fuck birthdays. They make me feel so lonely.,-0.887,negative,sad 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,speaker,3,"It's just so weird. We wanna celebrate each other on it once a year, so I always do my best for my friends. Then mine comes and it's just me being existentialist amist all the silence.... And idk I guess I just feel like I lost so many of my ""younger"" years already...",0.8611,positive,lonely 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,listener_2,4,Its such a flex like other people enjoy more at my birthday and theres just me sitting and watching everyone enjoy and also thinking why am i still alive,0.8885,positive,jealous 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,speaker,5,I can relate to this too.... It's so interesting. A celebration of life when the person being celebrated feels like shit about another year going by,0.7262,positive,agreeing 3050,depressed,Every year my birthday makes me hurt even more,listener_2,6,Exactly,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,1,"So it started on christmas night when my mom said she didn’t want to see me because I’m a furry when out of nowhere a wave of sadness went over me (like most nights) but what was different this night was a different kind of feeling. Like determination almost except it was determination toward ending myself. It was almost like a gut feeling like “this has to be done”. For now at least, I believe I’m strong enough tho resist the urge but it’s getting increasingly worse and nothing seems to help. And it happened again on New Years. And again last night.",0.9416,positive,faithful 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_1,2,Yes. Everyday my heart aches because I’m fighting to the urge to live. Plot twist my body wants to live,0.5267,positive,sad 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,3,I don’t have a fursuit,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,4,if being a furry is making u unhappy then why keep the title furry if u don’t have a fur suit ?,-0.4215,negative,questioning 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,5,I’m not unhappy about being one. My mom is unhappy that I am,-0.12,negative,jealous 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,6,Because my mom said she didn’t want to see me anymore because I’m a furry,0.0772,positive,sad 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,7,then tell her ur not? why would u even tell ur mother about ur sexual proclivities?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,8,I didn’t and it’s not even about anything sexual. She just found out one day,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,9,how does someone find out something like that? also why not lie and say i’m not?,0.4329,positive,questioning 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,10,It’s hard to lie to her when she thinks a certain way she won’t stop. Also I had stuff on my pc that she saw.,-0.128,negative,guilty 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,11,why is she looking at ur pc? are u not an adult and live at home?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,12,She came over one night and she is the snoopy type. And my pc was unlocked. I have somewhat cleared things up with my mom but I still feel the same way about dying.,0.0138,neutral,annoyed 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,13,so it’s not about being a furry and ur relationship with ur mom?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,speaker,14,That’s what started the scuicidal thoughts but now they won’t stop,-0.4215,negative,neutral 3051,depressed,Does anyone else feel this way,listener_2,15,do something fun,0.5106,positive,excited 3052,depressed,Bad year. 2019,speaker,1, was not good lost my job my health insurance my house the there trying to repo both my cars my wife of 7 years divorced me and my oldest son doesn’t want to live with me anymore and moved with my ex and he quit talking to me and my ex trying get full custody. My two youngest kids 3 and 5 I been watching cause the mother my recent ex right before divorce got a commission based job with 200k year potential and can’t watch kids except at night. On top it all year and half ago got diagnosed with a debilitating joint condition that makes it difficult to walk some days .now I lonely and broke and had move in with a friend who had a travel trailer he lets me stay in while I’m trying dodge the repo man . Reading it all totally sounds untrue but I assure you it is. I don’t even know which way to go anymore.,0.2796,positive,devastated 3052,depressed,Bad year. 2019,listener_1,2,I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s too much for one person to bear. I hope things get better for you soon.,0.6705,positive,sympathizing 3052,depressed,Bad year. 2019,speaker,3,Good thing is it can only get better lol,0.8225,positive,consoling 3053,depressed,dissociation and depression,speaker,1,what the fuck. what the fuck. what the fuck. i have no connections to my emotions. i cant tell you how i’m feeling. i cant tell you what the fuck i did yesterday all day. and all i want to do is die. i went to rehab over the summer (2019) and ever since then i’ve been out of it mentally. i’m not in touch with my emotions or memories. i’m stuck. i’m sad. i’m hurting. and i don’t feel like it’s ever a good time to talk about it with any1. i’m jus stuck. i feel like nothing ever lasts and i’m not going 2 live long. like ik it’s corny n all that bullshit but i genuinely don’t. i cant talk to my parents about it bc i got kicked out after i relapsed n a whole lot of other bullshit. i jus feel like i’ve got no one and i wanted to get this shit off my chest. gn. an i’m sorry💞,-0.9507,negative,lonely 3053,depressed,dissociation and depression,listener_1,2,Hey bro it's okay if you wanna talk about it You shouldn't be sorry for wanting to get it off your chest that's number 1 Number 2 i wanna tell you that it all takes time you don't just go on a straight path to being your all time best It takes time effort and a fuck ton of relapses I don't know if what i wrote made you feel any better but just know that we are all here for you and i am here for you and i am saying it genuinely if you wanna talk about anything just hmu Hope you get better,0.9064,positive,sympathizing 3053,depressed,dissociation and depression,speaker,3,i appreciate you man. it means a lot🥺💞,0.7906,positive,acknowledging 3053,depressed,dissociation and depression,speaker,4,if u ever wanna talk about it my dms open🥺💞,0.6486,positive,agreeing 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,speaker,1,"I had the feeling to hurt me for long but I stopped me everytime in the last moment, but someday I couldnt stop me and started cutting me. I have absolutely no pain while doing that and I just can't stop everytime I am alone I do it. Not with the goal to die because of bloodloss but I do it.",-0.5894,negative,faithful 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,listener_1,2,"same here. I relapsed the other day, felt a bit guilty. came into school, and my form tutor was looking at me all day. she's known some things in the past, small things, but i couldn't tell if she was looking at my arm. We had PE, (Physcial Education), and it looked like she was looking at my arm, or just me in general. My arm was covered in about 3 - 4 fresh scars, but no one said anything. They were showing really well, and she noticed, I think, but didn't say a word about it, don't know if she will. that's where the guilt sets in. Good luck OP! There are many ways to substitute self - harm, you can have a good ""dig"" on the Internet. Lots of love and wishes ❤️",0.9577,positive,embarrassed 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,speaker,3,Okay thats why I have only like 4 cutts on my arm and the rest (I didn't count) on my leg so nobody can see them (note I am cutting myself since like 2 days) I think I have many cutts for the time :/ Still thanks <3 Btw what's OP? (I know you mean me but I don't get the meaning of the word),0.4497,positive,neutral 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,listener_1,4,Original Poster.,0.3182,positive,nostalgic 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,speaker,5,Okay that makes sense :D thanks I had Original person in mind but that sounded weird.,0.5448,positive,acknowledging 3054,depressed,Why is it so hard to stop injuring yourself?,speaker,6,"I mean I am cutting since 3 days my depressions can still get worse :/ since the depression started (the day I realized then) it got every day harder. I still hope I won't get thaughts about suicide, well I thaught the same with the cutting-behavior. (hopefully I named it right English is not my first language and I am not a pro in it)",-0.8934,negative,apprehensive 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",speaker,1,"I (24,f) was in an abusive relationship for 4 years that ended 2 years ago and, as a result, I am on antidepressants. I won’t go into details but it was physically and emotionally abusive to the point I was either beaten up or told to kill myself daily (or that I’m ugly, disgusting, nobody loves me, etc). My problem is the following... I don’t talk to any of my old friends because of it. I am so ashamed of what I did (promising everyone I’d never go back to him but doing the opposite + everyone knowing me as the poor girl who got beaten up a lot) that I stopped talking to them and they stopped contacting me in return. Which is relatively okay since I moved to another country last year anyway and I had the opportunity to make new friends. And yet, I couldn’t. I tried to attend parties and they all resulted into me getting panic attacks and having to leave. It usually happened when guys tried to approach me. Which leads this to my next problem... I have low self-esteem issues and, even though I’m not the ugliest on earth since I get stared at or hit on every once in a while, I still feel like every guy wants to fool me or harm me somehow every time they approach me. Like I don’t consider myself pretty enough for more than a hookup. I know it’s an irrational fear and just because I dated the wrong person doesn’t mean that everyone is the same. But I can’t stop it. I also noticed that because of my fear of men/dating, I refuse social interactions if it involves parties or any of that stuff. And people stop contacting me when I don’t go to their birthdays, etc. I’m writing this because I seriously don’t know how to get over this issue. I always thought that giving it time could heal it, but it’s been two years and I become more fearful with each passing day. The antidepressants are good because I don’t feel suicidal anymore, but it’s not like I’m living that much either. I feel like I left a lot of the stuff out but I didn’t want to make this way too long. If anyone has any advice on how to get over it, I’d gladly appreciate it.",-0.9949,negative,ashamed 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",listener_1,2,I'm so sorry,-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",speaker,3,Thank you for your kind words. I’m trying to escape my comfort zone everyday haha. It’s a long process I guess tho,0.9022,positive,grateful 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",speaker,4,"Thank you for telling me about your experience. As for the therapist thing... I have seen two, although this was while I was still dating my ex and needed help to get out. One of them recommended I see a psychiatrist. When it came to discussing the relationship with her, though, she’d tell me to “just get out of it. Be brave”. I don’t think she understood the severity of the issue. So I went to another therapist and the second one was more understanding of my problem as in... she knew it was hard to cut ties with him. But at some point she just told me something along the lines of “I wish I could help you but you need a friend and as a therapist I can’t be your friend”. And my friends were already long gone because of how ashamed I was of what I’d done so I had no one. Besides, my issue at that moment was to get rid of him and I didn’t know that the aftermath would be so ugly and I’d feel so scared of literally any man that is interested in me. And to cut a long story short ... I can’t afford a therapist in the country that I moved in. So therapy is kind of out of the picture until I find a stable job at least, which won’t happen until I finish my master thesis.",0.0851,positive,apprehensive 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",listener_2,5,Try r/domesticviolence and r/ptsd,0.0,neutral,terrified 3055,depressed,"Depressed after abuse, no friends, and fear of men",listener_2,6,"I've heard that line before from therapist about not bring able to be your friend (not my own therapists). When I told my therapist that she was insulted and said she definitely considered me a friend and hope I co soldered her one as well. I see therapists like people you meet becoming best friends- you aren't going to immediately mesh or like the first the name you pick out of the phone book or the first person you are introduced to when you move to a new city. But people expect that with therapy and say they all suck if they didn't like the first one or two they met. But when I come home later, let me do some searching. I'm sure there is a subreddit for domestic abuse survivors. Let me see what I can find. These are the people who will give you the best advice about how to move forward since they've been there themselves.",0.7897,positive,surprised 3056,depressed,What do you live for,speaker,1,I wouldn't be here if not for thinking about my mom pos-humous.,0.0,neutral,grateful 3056,depressed,What do you live for,listener_1,2,Same:(,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3056,depressed,What do you live for,listener_2,3,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3056,depressed,What do you live for,listener_3,4,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3056,depressed,What do you live for,listener_4,5,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 3056,depressed,What do you live for,speaker,6,"I just want to start by saying thank you for sharing this with me. All of it. I appreciate very single detail and every word. You are a lovely writer and I think you write everything so clearly but also without losing the weight that the words hold. I just want to say that I've never felt so seen. What you described, I feel I can relate to nearly perfectly. And I just want to say thanks. If you'd ever like to talk about any of this please feel free. I feel like it could be great to explore these specific feelings of emptiness and undeservedness with someone who actually understands and also already feels them. I really hope you find your answer as well though either way...... And that you can stay strong because who knows what fantastic things could actually be in store in the future for you. Or what answers you may find.",0.9954,positive,grateful 3057,depressed,I literally have nobody,speaker,1,"I don’t have friends (haven’t talked to one in over 3 years) I am not close with my family and we barely talk even though I live with them, I don’t go out due to anxiety and have pretty much closed myself up to the world. I’ve made excuses for myself all this time and I just can’t pretend the way I am is ok anymore I don’t know what to do and I am very depressed. I don’t know why I’ve written this I don’t expect anything i just have no one to talk to.",0.1548,positive,lonely 3057,depressed,I literally have nobody,listener_1,2,"Sorry you feel that way, do you have a job you could focus on?",-0.0772,negative,questioning 3057,depressed,I literally have nobody,speaker,3,Thanks I’m looking for one,0.4404,positive,sympathizing 3057,depressed,I literally have nobody,listener_1,4,"That's good, I don't know your exact circumstances but I've spent some time wallowing in the mire myself. If you feel like you need to talk just drop me a message.",0.3716,positive,neutral 3057,depressed,I literally have nobody,speaker,5,I’ll try thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3058,depressed,Thinking of committing myself to a psych ward,speaker,1,"So as the title says, I’m thinking of committing myself to a psych ward. Do y’all have any tips or experiences to share?",0.3612,positive,questioning 3058,depressed,Thinking of committing myself to a psych ward,listener_1,2,"I did that in November... I got a lot of help. Did ECT for six weeks, had my meds adjusted, and got to stay someplace where I was safe from self-harm.",0.6808,positive,grateful 3058,depressed,Thinking of committing myself to a psych ward,listener_2,3,"Yes. This is correct. Depending on the place, it's called an inpatient mental health facility, inpatient behavior health program, etc. You can Google what's in your area. If you are not in immediate danger, U would skip the psych ward and check yourself into a inpatient program.",0.6679,positive,agreeing 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,speaker,1,Honestly I think I'm finally going numb. Life has kicked the shit out of me for so long now that I can't feel anything anymore.,0.6808,positive,lonely 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,listener_1,2,The sooner the better honestly.,0.7096,positive,neutral 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,listener_2,3,"Extremities of anything is never good. As much as it bothers you being emotional, it is equally hard to deal with being numb every day.",-0.6604,negative,sad 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,speaker,4,"Lowkey yea but I still want to feel happy, and feel love and every thing else. idk maybe I'm just bugging",0.9136,positive,suggesting 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,listener_3,5,But I’m too emotional. So since I can remember I have ALWAYS wanted to be emotionless and that’s my biggest dream.,0.5267,positive,sentimental 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,listener_2,6,"Like I said, neither extremity is desirable. And frankly it's short-sighted and callous of you to dismiss people's real struggle with being numb as your ""biggest dream."" You are completely dismissing how awful people say it is dealing with this daily. Just like I'd assume you wouldn't want to hear from anyone who is numb asking you why you are complaining about being emotional when that sounds like the greatest thing.",-0.0638,negative,annoyed 3059,depressed,Think I've finally ran out of fucks to give,listener_3,7,Because I feel fucking weak because I’m so emotional and that’s a huuuge struggle right there too. And I have times where i’m really numb so i have a clue what it’s like and i would choose that over being emotional. and i’m talking about people who are not able to feel anything like psychopaths.,-0.1204,negative,agreeing 3060,depressed,Kill me,speaker,1,"I can’t. I’m hurting and I want to tear off my skin and just die. I just feel nonexistent and feel like why should I even bother waking up today or tomorrow. No one will notice my disappearance. No one notices if I’m around or not and I want to keep on going I really do bc I do have someone I love and care for with my heart. But I just feel like I can’t go on bc I’m just hurting and feeling like I don’t exist just hurts and if I don’t exist to the majority of people? There’s no point at all. I just want to be able to wake up tomorrow and be able to be happy and not feel like utter trash. I have tried to put myself out there and be more chatty with people. I actually was doing that today by talking to someone ik irl and we started talking about anxiety depression etc. It was a nice chat but as the day progressed I just felt why I even bother. People look at me and see a loser. People look down on me and ik most people think I’m ugly. I can tell when I tell someone about me having a so is bought up bc I can see the look in their faces and they are thinking how bc they think I’m ugly annoying and not worth it. I hate feeling like this I really do but knowing that people hate me hurts even though o don’t like people I wanted to at least try and gain a friend this year whom o could converse with and discuss shit with but In reality that won’t happen bc i panic if someone leaves me on read or delivered bc it feels like I did something wrong and it gives me a panic attack. If u know about me u know I hate touching people unless I trust them or have gotten to know them or love them. I’m trying to get over this fear and try to control my anxiety to an extent but knowing that people thinking I have someone I care for and love is a joke bc why would I have one bc I’m ugly and I haven’t felt good enough for her since the day I met her. She’s beautiful and the best thing to happen to me but it also scares me bc she is someone I could lose so easily. Knowing this wants me to keep on living for her and try to improve myself so I can treat her like the beautiful girl she is, but a part of me wants to keel over and just die bc my death won’t matter much to anyone.",-0.938,negative,sad 3060,depressed,Kill me,listener_1,2,I was going to post something relevant to your salvation. But the algorithm plebbit uses doesn’t allow me to list such things. It seems we are doomed buddy!,-0.6948,negative,devastated 3060,depressed,Kill me,speaker,3,Well then we just got to accept our fate then.,0.5719,positive,neutral 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,1,I feel like killing myself would be the worst possible thing to do but dying seems like the solution to each and every one of life's problems. Commiting suicide isn't something I would ever do so I guess I just have a huge death wish so I'm not suicidal but still want to die? I don't know honestly I'm so fucking conflicted and everything feels so pointless Does anyone else feel like this?,-0.7351,negative,apprehensive 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,listener_2,3,I agree.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,4,Thanks man I'll keep that in mind😊,0.836,positive,acknowledging 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,5,Thank u😊,0.8176,positive,wishing 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,listener_3,6,"Calm down. We have a policy on here that you have to have positive karma in your account or your comment/post is automatically removed. It's how we control spammers and trolls. Your account has negative karma. Once you contribute positively to a few subreddits, you will be able to post on here.",0.4588,positive,trusting 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,7,I do do therapy and it has helped me quite a bit and I'm not planning on stopping anytime soon.thanks for the comment😁,0.5337,positive,acknowledging 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,8,I sure do hope so. Thanks for the positiveity I really need it lol,0.8797,positive,encouraging 3061,depressed,I want to die but not kill myself,speaker,9,"Thanks for the reply,even though it creeped me out Abit lol😊",0.8934,positive,acknowledging 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,speaker,1,"A couple of months ago my wife got diagnosed as being Bipolar. All mildly going well until the shit hit the fan and the symptoms started getting stronger. She's fluctuating from high depression to hypomania, she's had the hypersexuality phase (and it may be returning) and during all that she can't stand me. She's been telling me horrible things from ""I hope you die"" to ""I wish you'd just disappear"" and is in an on and off mode of physical contact, sometimes she tells me to not touch her at all and a few minutes later gives me a kiss and we're holding hands down the street. We have little family, just my brother and his wife, who, frankly, have had enough already and now I'm alone dealing with all this. My depression had hit hard, I'm currently on clonazepam and bupropion. Clonazepam helps with anxiety and getting through the day with a poker face while being offended (acoiding conflict at the moment is best for her so I just didn't my ground on more serious decisions or topics) but I've been deeply depressed even on bupropion (wellbutrin is the brand name). I'm sorry for the long post, I've got nobody out of the loop and need to vent out. It's been hitting like hell, I love her so much and we have a great marriage...it just all sucks at the moment : (",-0.5908,negative,angry 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,listener_1,2,Is your wife seeing a therapist and psychiatrist and taking her meds? This is crucial.,0.0,neutral,questioning 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,speaker,3,"she's doing both, and we also stopped drinking. I guess now is just waiting",-0.2263,negative,neutral 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,listener_1,4,"She needs to address with her therapist her behavior toward you. Regardless of her diagnosis, making other people's lives worse because of it is not acceptable.",-0.6202,negative,angry 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,speaker,5,"I've been to her therapist with her and it was addressed, but in the end of the day it is part of the disorder (at this point). I've been talking to my therapist as well and she's given me strength to carry on, I honestly don't know how I get out of bed in the morning : (",0.8126,positive,grateful 3062,depressed,My wife was diagnosed as Bipolar and my depression hit me hard,listener_1,6,Maybe try cross-posting in r/BipolarSOs,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3063,depressed,I’m trying to plan my suicide so my wife and kids will not have to suffer.,speaker,1,"So I’m going to die. I don’t know when yet but I’m trying to make plans. I have 3 little girls and an incredible wife. I am doing nothing but destroying them with my anger and self hatred. My life was meth, homelessness, physical and mental abuse. Because of that I have grown so bitter and angry at the world. I can’t remember the last time someone looked at me as a human. My wife even called me a narcissistic asshole the other day... 2 of my kids are the product of my wife’s ex husband who thought it was ok to rape her. Her family shows more hate to me then him. She is constantly being told she should leave me by her family, coworkers, my job, my family, and even her friend. I truly love her and for that reason is why I’m going to literally blow my head off. I thought that since I live in the mountains I could hike for a week until I find a nice pretty spot then pull the trigger. Then I will get to see my mom again. My youngest daughter who is mine by blood is young enough to forget me so soon is the best option. Do you guys think a sawed off shotgun will work? I just truly don’t want to suffer if possible. I heard shotguns are mess but that’s why I’m going far into the mountains. Or maybe a pistol? Idk:(",-0.95,negative,devastated 3063,depressed,I’m trying to plan my suicide so my wife and kids will not have to suffer.,listener_1,2,"Don’t even think about doing that buddy. You can turn your whole life around and have an amazing story of how you overcame this shit. Do it for your daughters, do it for there graduations, there birthday’s, they will really want dad there. Trust me the feeling will go away, you need to trust in yourself that you can overcome anything! You got this my G, give it some time, the clouds always go away with time.",0.8193,positive,confident 3063,depressed,I’m trying to plan my suicide so my wife and kids will not have to suffer.,listener_2,3,"I second this! Your daughters will miss you and so will your wife. I know it sounds cheesy, but you have it in you to live a life worth living. You got this, OP!",0.3887,positive,impressed 3063,depressed,I’m trying to plan my suicide so my wife and kids will not have to suffer.,listener_3,4,You need to get professional help. Make an appointment with a therapist. Remember that everything that you do is for your daughter. Just think of her life and all the years ahead you will miss with her if you are gone. But you also don't need to continue to suffer. Make an appointment with a therapist and start taking those first few steps toward turning your life into what you want it to be.,-0.5789,negative,hopeful 3064,depressed,Crohns Guy 28 Feeling hopeless,speaker,1,"I've spent a long time ill and stuck at home. I'm finally getting better but it's a show crawl. Because of my illness and medications I'm shorter than I was supposed to be, I'm also not ready to date but just want to have a female companion to have some experience with. But everywhere I read women aren't into short guys and for fun they need to be a certin height. I don't particularly feel like I'm attractive but when I have talked to women in public my friend days I'm great at keeping them interested abd that I act confidante. I mean in public I do feel different but it's starting to get to me more and more. I don't have a car I'm unable to just go out looking for dates. Apps suck, sites suck. But in a way I guess it's fair all the women I'm attracted to I feel they won't be attracted to me. I hate so many things about my life that I can't really change and I don't know how at this point in going to get out of this hell.",-0.6413,negative,jealous 3064,depressed,Crohns Guy 28 Feeling hopeless,listener_1,2,"Whatever you read about height is bullshit. And maybe instead of feeling hopeless about something you've never even tried, why not actually try it. And you also don't go cruising around in your car to get dates. For a 28 year old, your mind is very immature about dating. I think right now you do actually need to start on apps so you can get some experience talking to real women who could be potential ""companions.""",-0.743,negative,suggesting 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,speaker,1,"I sit in my schools library. I was once popular, I had a plethora of friends that I seemingly lost in a small amount of time. I have friends, about 3 good ones at school, but I don’t have the same lunch as them. I sit in the library at lunch, all alone, almost everyday. It’s embarrassing, it’s sad, I feel so lonely but, at the same time, I feel like I have a grip on myself. I love being alone, but I hate being alone with a group of people. Lots of people eat in the library, the “weird” kids, and they all sit together and seem so happy. I’m not close to being like them but, I wish I could be as happy as them. I sit alone at lunch everyday.",0.8499,positive,lonely 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,listener_1,2,i’d sit with you :(,-0.4404,negative,acknowledging 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,speaker,3,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,listener_2,4,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,speaker,5,"Haha thanks, that put a smile on my face",0.8126,positive,acknowledging 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,speaker,6,"Thank you! Yeah I read and I text my other friends during lunch but the kids in the library look at me and I feel like they are judging me, they probably aren’t but thank you for the advice!",0.8881,positive,neutral 3065,depressed,I sit alone at lunch.,speaker,7,"I’m sorry, but just know your not alone. I hope you have a good day",0.4021,positive,sympathizing 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,speaker,1,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME?,-0.3089,negative,questioning 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_1,2,"**TL;DR: DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS USER.** This is most likely a troll. Alternatively, he is mentally ill to a degree that a chat friend on the internet cannot help him. It is less likely, but possible, that he is trying to draw in someone unusually patient and empathetic to manipulate for some ill purpose. He makes new accounts to evade subreddit bans, and some of his accounts have been suspended by reddit admins. It's in your best interest to ignore his posts, report, and move on without engaging. If you choose to respond, **there is a substantial chance you'll receive no reply at all.** If you get a reply, the most likely outcome is that his effort to have a conversation will be minimal at best. He relies on a small handful of phrases (e.g. -- ""im scared"" or ""ive never had a friend before"" or ""im all alone"") or a crying emoji (i.e. -- ;.;) until the other person gets frustrated and stops replying. If by some chance the other person is very patient and continues talking to him, **he usually stops responding himself.** On some rare occasions, he attempts to have some sort of long-term association with someone -- usually users who identify as female. If the ""new friend"" does not respond quickly enough for his liking, he lashes out and accuses her of ""being mean."" Likewise, if his behavior is acknowledged in a public forum (like this), his go-to response is something like, ""nuh uh you were mean to me,"" which he does even when screenshot evidence to the contrary is presented Here is [a typical example of a lengthy exchange with him](https://imgur.com/a/wSS4Gbl). **He gives personal information that is mostly untrue.** He has been ""18 years old"" since he started using reddit for this purpose, about two years ago. He resists attempts to help him find work and hobbies (other than spamming the same ad for 20 hours a day) by claiming to be homeless and to not have a Social Security number, neither of which are likely to be true. **His childish writing style is an act**, as he has been observed writing like a rational adult. Furthermore, he has been associated with a defunct YouTube channel (as a failed content creator). Feel free to update or just copy-paste this message anywhere you see posts and user histories extremely similar to this one, for the sake of warning kind-hearted people to invest their energy elsewhere. This is an incomplete list of the names he has used: /u/dfssdgsdgdsf (shadowbanned -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8zumxq/plz_message_me/)) /u/dfhgdhgfhfg (shadowbanned -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8wnvad/plz_message_me/)) /u/sdfhggsdg (shadowbanned -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8wwv8k/plz_message_me/)) /u/fdsggsdfgdf (shadowbanned -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8x8fgh/plz_message_me/)) /u/dfsgdfsgdfsgfsfgdfgd (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8ufad0/plz_message_me/)) /u/gdfhgfdhdfgfdhg (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/93h1gf/plz_message_me/)) /u/gfhghfhgfdhg (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/94mqse/plz_message_me/)) /u/fdsgdshvf (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8t1fm1/plz_message_me/)) /u/fdghgfgfd (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/94g9kb/plz_message_me/)) /u/dfghjgfjkghfd /u/dfsgdshdgf (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/9101vq/plz_message_me/)) /u/gtrsfghhgj (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/8xm87g/plz_message_me/)) /u/baboba12 /u/squiv1t /u/sdfgregre (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/7twb2b/why_do_people_keep_posting_on_here_if_you_dont/)) /u/dfsgdfsgfsd (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/TooAfraidToAsk/comments/8mutdv/why_does_everyone_hate_me/)) /u/nonamer1234 /u/bdaytiger u/alternativeneat u/name1121 (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/cchdok/how_come_people_never_reply_when_you_message_them/)) u/IHATENAME12 u/treeatlander /u/seawhut (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/clnwfk/l_all_i_want_is_just_one_person_who_will_be_kind/)) /u/gilbertdathing (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/cwjp9o/why_wont_anyone_talk_to_me/)) /u/thecatcameback923 (suspended account -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/d2ydyz/why_wont_anyone_talk_to_me/)) /u/dacatcameback /u/32dod /u/patrik4531 /u/gadma4356aa /u/tsdog /u/newday673 /u/Agreeable-Key /u/Accomplished-Olive /u/goocer13 /u/alton-avery /u/daydreams1994 /u/sazarara (shadowbanned -- example post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/7CupsofTea/comments/eex2zh/please_talk_to_me/)) /u/justind5d /u/tyi-smartie /u/InfamousCauliflower4 /u/Actual-Ice This is an incomplete list of the subreddits he has posted in: /r/CasualConversation /r/ForeverAloneDating /r/GFD /r/hardshipmates /r/INeedAFriend /r/InternetFriends /r/LetsChat /r/loneliness /r/lonely /r/KindVoice /r/MakeNewFriends /r/MakeNewFriendsHere /r/MeetNewPeopleHere /r/MeetPeople /r/MMFB /r/NeedaFriend /r/r4r /r/randomactsofkindness /r/sad /r/SkypePals /r/SuicideWatch /r/textfriends",-0.9945,negative,trusting 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_2,3,"First, you didn't write this. Give credit to the person who did. Second, those of you obsessed with following this person and your only activity on Reddit is copying and pasting this on their posts really need to consider how this is starting to closely resemble their activity of obsession.",-0.128,negative,furious 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_1,4,">First, you didn't write this. It wasn't written to make millions in royalties. Notice the line ""Feel free to update or just copy-paste this message anywhere you see posts and user histories extremely similar to this one, for the sake of warning kind-hearted people to invest their energy elsewhere."" >Second, those of you obsessed with following this person and your only activity on Reddit is copying and pasting this on their posts really need to consider how this is starting to closely resemble their activity of obsession. Fancy that criticism coming from a moderator. We are taking up your slack, and your response is to give snark in the comments? I care about the people he's targeting because they are especially vulnerable to being exploited. He seems to be fixated on teenager girls, particularly ones with mental illnesses. It doesn't take that much time out of my day, and I will continue to warn people until the admins decide to act on the multiple reports from me, other users, and moderators who give a damn about their communities.",-0.8832,negative,agreeing 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_2,5,"Give me a break. Just report and move on. We aren't online 24 hours a day but we always catch the posts. You aren't taking up any ""slack."" We've banned every username this person has used. When they make another one, we can't know the username until they actually make a post. We aren't psychic. We've reported the ban evasion numerous times to admins. Multiple accounts have been removed. I have no idea what else can be done. Also, all I'm saying is don't fixate your life on this person.",-0.9136,negative,angry 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_1,6,"> Just report and move on. Fat lot of good it does. It takes moderators hours to get around to removing the posts, and days to getting around to banning his accounts after he makes them. I'm on my desktop a lot for work, and it takes me minutes to drop a warning in the comments of his latest post. There are people living all over the world covering him when I'm asleep or away. I'll give your advice the consideration I believe it merits.",0.2732,positive,trusting 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_3,7,"I think it could be a scam, they might not even be from the US. Do you know if they ever mention money? No SSN or friends seems like something to pity. They might have automated this process, it's not like the posts are varied, so they cast a very wide net and eventually catch someone willing to give them money. Keep it up.",-0.8506,negative,afraid 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_2,8,You can link to the original warning or copy and paste with credit. I don't mind you warning people it's a troll. Just don't fixate your life.,0.5478,positive,acknowledging 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_4,9,I do not require attribution or credit for that message and I've updated it accordingly.,0.3818,positive,faithful 3066,depressed,i cant stop crying,listener_2,10,As long as you are ok with it. I didn't want people stealing your time and effort without giving you credit,0.1916,positive,neutral 3067,depressed,"Your a work of art, your special",speaker,1,Stop beating yourself up your a work of progress still developing it just takes time and patience we love you and don’t want you to be harmed,0.0,neutral,consoling 3067,depressed,"Your a work of art, your special",listener_1,2,"I know you mean well, but nothing you could have typed could have possibly gotten me more angry than a platitude with no substance behind it. Every time someone says something like that, I want to scream at them. I am an adult, not a child and I am sick to death of being treated like a child simply because I have a mental illness. I had believed that this sub was a place away from this kind of condescending bullshit, but I guess I was wrong.",-0.9825,negative,furious 3067,depressed,"Your a work of art, your special",speaker,3,I’m a teen and I go through depression too...I absolutely hate the feeling and just wanted to make others feel worthy that they are special...sorry,-0.6161,negative,caring 3067,depressed,"Your a work of art, your special",listener_1,4,"I'm sorry if I made you feel guilty, I just feel very strongly about certain things and sometimes I let my emotions run away with me.",0.1672,positive,guilty 3067,depressed,"Your a work of art, your special",listener_2,5,"Billie eyelash is not depression, Green Day is, and I’m a computer developer, and I have actual depression and a glock.",-0.1783,negative,angry 3068,depressed,Can Someone Please Help Me??!!,speaker,1,Hello everyone so i need help with something and maybe i can get some help on how i could do this so i'm homeschooled and i have made a post on here about it explaining everything some very kind people suggested that i should write a letter to my dad (hes a strong believer in homeschool by the way) so anyway i want to write a letter to him tonight of explaining to him everything that i have been struggling with but i'm really afraid hes just gonna be rude about it i'm just really scared to even though i want to write him a letter so this what i need help with: 1. how can i make sure he wont react in a negative way? 2. what are some things i could say in my letter (like what could i say to start off my letter and in other parts of my letter?) 3. and lastly how can i write the letter without getting anxiety about writing it and giving it to him? if you have any answers to these questions i highly encourage you to comment your answers they are needed and they will be appreciated,0.9462,positive,suggesting 3068,depressed,Can Someone Please Help Me??!!,listener_1,2,Try writing it out. Read it to yourself out loud and someone else and see what they say. This always helps me with emails so I don’t sound snarky,0.3818,positive,suggesting 3068,depressed,Can Someone Please Help Me??!!,speaker,3,thanks for the advice,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3069,depressed,I’d rather kill myself right now instead of subject myself to another day of torture at work tomorrow.,speaker,1,"I can’t handle another day of that soul sucking nightmare of a store. The customers are mostly shitheads. They’re either rude, stupid, or crazy. Some don’t even seem to understand basic fucking instructions. I feel like I’m speaking another language with some of those idiots. I can’t stomach it anymore. I became homicidally angry with a particular cunt that came in last week, and I’m still not over it. If I get another piece of shit trying to get me in trouble, I’m gonna fucking kill them. I’m not even joking. That store, hell that company, has left me drained and borderline insane. I want to quit, but everyone keeps saying I should secure another job first. Well fuck that. Fuck that shit! I’ve tried that, and have always been unsuccessful. I finally found something I wanted to do, but no. I can’t even do that and focus on that because I keep hearing the same crap about how it’s not a good idea. But they don’t get it! I CANT DO THAT GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING JOB ANYMORE. I can’t! If I do, I’m gonna go crazy. But people don’t believe me aside from some of my friends. Honestly I don’t care about the lives of any customer there anymore. If they give me any more fucking mouth again, they’re gonna fucking die!!! AND I AM TIRED OF THE FUCKING PROMISES THAT I MAKE TO MYSELF THAT I DON’T KEEP! I wish I could clone myself, so that he could kill me for all the shit I’ve done to myself. I hate me so much. And I hate the customers there even more!! I wish I could murder myself violently for being a useless fucking piece of procrastinating lazy shit!! I hate the fact that no matter how much I try to change shit in my life and stick to it, I always find a way to undo it!! Fuck you!!! I hate you so much!!! You ruined everything!!!! I wish you would fuck off and die already, since you’re so fucking content ruining all the work I do to make things better, just so you can fuck around some more!!! You never stand up for yourself!! You always fucking cave in like the little bitch you are!!! Always putting on a stupid smile that I want to kick the shit out of!! I hate you for not doing ANYTHING you were supposed to do, and look at you now!!! You’re still at the same job, you still have no license, you still act the same fucking way you always did, and you’re still living with your fucking relatives that you claim to want to get away from!!! Every single fucking thing you and your fucking therapist talk about, every single possible solution to your dilemma, is just something you NEVER follow up on!!! I hate you so much, me. I want to fucking kill you for everything you’ve done. Hell, maybe I should do it right now. Don’t make any offers like “PM me if you want to talk”, because I always get ghosted pretty fast, even if people say they won’t do it they always do. I am fed up. With all of this shit. So I don’t want to talk. It doesn’t help me at all. Because “I” am so beyond useless it infuriates me. I’m just done. I only said all of this because I can’t make any fucking noise in here.",-0.9992,negative,disgusted 3069,depressed,I’d rather kill myself right now instead of subject myself to another day of torture at work tomorrow.,speaker,2,"I hope no one replies to this. I hope this confirms 100% that people don’t actually care. I want an excuse to go completely crazy, and let out all the rage I’ve kept up inside, or kill myself. I really hope that’s what happens. Please ignore this post so it can happen.",-0.1531,negative,afraid 3069,depressed,I’d rather kill myself right now instead of subject myself to another day of torture at work tomorrow.,listener_1,3,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 3070,depressed,I want to fall asleep and never wake up,speaker,1,"Idont feel much joy anymore. I'm young so people probably think I'm being dramatic, I don't think I'm depressed I'm just not very happy. I don't want to come off as naive. I just haven't felt truly happy in a solid 6 months and that's when I noticed it's a little weird. My days are really miserable, I don't feel happy from playing video games or anything, the only time I really feel happy is in my dreams. It's the only time where I don't have to work so hard and get nothing back. This is kind of personal but in one of my dreams both my parents said they love me and hugged me. In reality the last thing my dad said to me was he hated me and regrets me, then he left and I haven't seen him since. My mother and I have a lot better of a relationship but she doesn't like talking to me or hugging me. I told her about the dream but I didn't mention dad anymore because it makes her up upset, so I said I had a dream we hugged and she told me that's really strange . I guess it's a strange thing to say but I just wanted her to hug me like in the dream, it made me kinda sad. She hasn't told me she loved me in a long time, and she refuses to say it back when I say it to her. My brother says that's just how she is and it isn't my fault. I wish I could just fall asleep and never wake up again so I could be happy. I'm a 14 year old female btw.",0.9861,positive,sad 3070,depressed,I want to fall asleep and never wake up,listener_1,2,"Maybe ask your mom if your insurance covers therapy? If not there are some apps and helplines that might be useful. I’ve been in therapy for my eating disorder, depression and ptsd from an abusive relationship and I honestly feel like I might’ve committed suicide if I didn’t have access to those resources. I’m a 23 year old female but have had disordered eating since at least 13 and started therapy at 18 and wish I’d started sooner. It is soooo hard but you can and deserve to be happy. Also try some guided meditations (apps or on YouTube) and yoga! Also if you get access to a doctor who can prescribe antidepressants paired with some lifestyle changes, that can make a huge difference. Best of luck on your journey!!",0.9653,positive,suggesting 3070,depressed,I want to fall asleep and never wake up,speaker,3,"Thanks so much, your advice is really helpful. I can't really talk to anybody about anything because they all have they're problems and I become a bother to them. But I think a therapist is definitely a good idea so I can talk to someone. I'll try and ask my mom about it but she's really against those types of ideas.",0.8337,positive,acknowledging 3070,depressed,I want to fall asleep and never wake up,listener_1,4,"No problem! Yeah my mom doesn’t believe in therapy which is why I didn’t start seeing one since I left for college, but there are good apps out there!",0.6827,positive,neutral 3070,depressed,I want to fall asleep and never wake up,speaker,5,"Thank you for the reply, I've just been going along with my days and trying to make the most of it. I'm trying to build a better relationship with my mom so I can eventually hug her again, thank you for the advice.",0.875,positive,wishing 3071,depressed,I feel lonely af,speaker,1,I've no friends so yeah:),-0.0157,neutral,lonely 3071,depressed,I feel lonely af,listener_1,2,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 3071,depressed,I feel lonely af,speaker,3,Lets change that,0.0,neutral,consoling 3071,depressed,I feel lonely af,listener_1,4,:),0.4588,positive,wishing 3072,depressed,I'm so tired of being an ugly freak 😩,speaker,1,It hurts so much to be an ugly person with Anxiety and Depression 😵😱💀,-0.9552,negative,ashamed 3072,depressed,I'm so tired of being an ugly freak 😩,listener_1,2,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 3072,depressed,I'm so tired of being an ugly freak 😩,speaker,3,"Thanks, I'll try my best to take your advice 💜",0.9062,positive,wishing 3073,depressed,I need to get out of this house...,speaker,1,"Ill keep it short. Just graduated Uni and there's no jobs for exactly what I want to do, not a useless degree (Games Design) so I at least have various team skills, management, coordination, etc.. Applying for jobs but not looking great so far but I only just started so I'll get mad about that later. Living with mum and sister, since my dads death it's been almost unbearable. I wake up and it's almost like ground hog day, sister comments about cat, mums already at work, sister always in the background feels like shes judging me, mum gets home and smothers me with attention as if there's something wrong, which is basically that. It gets tiring and when I try to start conversations they don't try but I try when they talk. I'm trying to just block them out but it's not working. I just need a job so I can move out. And I want one, I want to work, but I know it takes time.",-0.9721,negative,annoyed 3073,depressed,I need to get out of this house...,listener_1,2,"Yeah, video games haven't been the same since Fortnite and all these stupid casual phone games. They are not that difficult to program, in comparison to the massive, immersive 3D games we were getting on consoles. It's a rough time for gaming.",0.1803,positive,neutral 3073,depressed,I need to get out of this house...,speaker,3,Also hard because I'm in Australia and the games industry is either AA-AAA looking only for seniors or mobile devs.,-0.1027,negative,neutral 3073,depressed,I need to get out of this house...,speaker,4,I would if I could but I don't have the money to move out. Trying to get a job at the moment.,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3074,depressed,I am scared of becoming happy..,speaker,1,"The thought of being content scares me so much. It makes me feel awful. I am not sure if it's because I have no right to be sad, and it frustrates me that I am not happy right now! People make it sound so easy. Why am I such a failure...",-0.9469,negative,afraid 3074,depressed,I am scared of becoming happy..,listener_1,2,"I am so glad you said this because I thought I was the only one who felt this, I’m starting to finally feel happy for the first time in a few years and I’m scared of it, I’m so used to feeling lost and numb. I lowkey want to go back to when I felt the most useless and unwanted.",-0.302,negative,lonely 3074,depressed,I am scared of becoming happy..,speaker,3,Exactly! I finally got into a relationship with a really nice guy and I am so afraid of ruining it. It makes me anxious and I am not sure how to get through it.,-0.3452,negative,apprehensive 3075,depressed,What do you do when everything looks like shit,speaker,1,"I’ve always dealt with severe depressive issues. Right now I have been drawing, listening to music and playing my video games, but I’m starting to feel like it’s all uninteresting and really boring. What do you do when you feel this way? The hardest part is finding new interests and hobbies because everything looks boring and stupid as hell. I take kratom and lavender to feel better and it does help.",-0.8121,negative,lonely 3075,depressed,What do you do when everything looks like shit,listener_1,2,"That’s common in depression, the clinical term is anhedonia. A loss of pleasure or interest in activity that one used to enjoy. I think it’s amazing that you’re finding and doing activities that bring you joy. I suggest continuing to do them, even if you don’t get the same reward as you once did. Depression can ebb and flow and symptoms can do the same. I’m sure you’ve heard this before but depression is typically associated with a lack of hope and purpose. Focus on small attainable goals that will bring hope and purpose, and build from there. I hope you find relief from your depression soon. Best of luck.",0.9655,positive,grateful 3075,depressed,What do you do when everything looks like shit,speaker,3,Thanks for your reply. Yeah basically taking lavender oil helps the most out of anything. Even if I don’t feel like playing video game or drawing I just do it anyway and end up doing something I loved at the end.,0.9313,positive,agreeing 3075,depressed,What do you do when everything looks like shit,speaker,4,"I have night terrors too often usually about something coming after me and me running away and not getting away from it in time. Last time it was a old man chasing me. I’ll keep moving on and best wishes to you! Oh and with what you’re saying about the story ending, ((((((I’m superstitious and have beliefs about God and ghosts and one thing I def am not ready for is waking up in the spirit realm after my death. There’s demons, djinn and stuff I have no idea about over there and I don’t want to be trapped with them until Tribulation happens.))))) Sorry if religious ideology isn’t allowed here I can delete it. I just have my beliefs of the afterlife.",-0.7847,negative,wishing 3075,depressed,What do you do when everything looks like shit,listener_2,5,"I tend to fight in my sleep, I have punched, kicked, choked, and kneed my ex-gf. I have also picked her up and pushed he against the wall and said "" get back in the cave it's not safe"", and walked to the edge of our bed and dived on top of her. As far as religion and religious ideology goes I have a live and let live policy. As long as you are not limiting the freedom of others I generally don't care.",-0.9062,negative,guilty 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,speaker,1,"Well first, I’m too scared to get help. My mom thinks mental illness is a joke and that only weak people get it. So every time I’m upset or cry I get yelled at. She asks why I cry after she cusses me out for no reason and calls me a long list a names I won’t go into detail about. Then she says I act like a child when I tell her how I feel. My father doesn’t get into it because he says he “doesn’t want any trouble” with my mom. I leave to college soon, it’s about an hour or so away from home and my mom is very mad I got into it. It’s a private college and cost 62 thousand a year but I got 90% of it paid for by academic scholarships. I absolutely love it and can’t wait to go.. but now I just don’t care for it. My mother has basically been trying to disown me so when I leave to college she’s going to cut off all ties and she told me that. She has taken away my car that I put gas in. Also has not allowed me to see my boyfriend, who is the only person who keeps me going and doesn’t let me give up on myself. Which is why I’m seeking help or trying because I’ve been “banned” from seeing him. My boyfriend wants to talk to my parents but im too scared to get him involved so I tell him no. I don’t know what to do... I’m just scared of what will happen to me if I keep living like this. Thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far",0.6608,positive,ashamed 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,listener_1,2,"It's going to be ok, you're going to be away from your mom and most colleges have a therapist on staff, once you get away from the negative influences in your life you might be able to think more clearly.",-0.1796,negative,trusting 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,speaker,3,I totally agree! I’m just hanging on to those words when I get away from negative influences that I can finally be myself again. So hopefully those can get me through the next few months thank you!,0.6877,positive,agreeing 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,speaker,4,"Thank you, I mean I’m legally an adult so there’s not much for me to do... I’m trying to just stick it out for a few more months until I can finally leave. I love my parents a lot because they do a lot of good for me but this is just one huge factor about them that makes it so hard to have a normal relationship with them.",0.7228,positive,sympathizing 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,listener_2,5,"Good luck and best wishes. But do give your campus health clinic a visit when you get to college and tell someone about your mental health. I wish I had when I was in school. I had to learn thru experience that depression doesn't go away on it's own, it needs to be treated like any illness by a doctor.",0.4678,positive,wishing 3076,depressed,Need help.. what should I do?,speaker,6,Thank you I really appreciate your help!,0.8293,positive,sympathizing 3077,depressed,"There are only two people I’m alive for right now, my mom and my husband. My husband gets mad at me and gives me the cold shoulder for days if he misheard something I said and takes it the wrong way. I must have done or said something last night because he’s been acting weird since last night.",speaker,1,"When he gets mad at me, he’s dismissive and claims nothing is wrong, so I think to myself, maybe he has a headache, and then I look over and he’s acting totally normal with his 15 yo daughter, my step daughter. That’s always my first clue that it’s me that is the problem. But he won’t say anything to me for days, so I don’t know how to fix it. Usually it’s something he misheard, not something I even said, but he won’t come out with it, just gets more and more shitty towards me as the days go by till I guess it’s finally too much for him even, and he finally says something. I am just done. I hate dealing with this and if it weren’t for my mom nearby who would be so heartbroken, I wouldn’t be here right now. It’s so defeating. I love my husband more than anything but it seems like there’s no way to fix this, it pros happening. Everything I normally do to make myself feel better is just making me feel worse (r/aww, etc) and I’m at the end of my rope. I got dogs and cats to help keep me from ending my life but those stopped working years ago. Now it’s just my mom and my husband that I love for. Please help, I’m afraid I’m going to come up with a way that makes it look like an accident so that my mom might be a little less sad. I’m not going to hurt anyone or anything else. I just hurt so much.",-0.9105,negative,trusting 3077,depressed,"There are only two people I’m alive for right now, my mom and my husband. My husband gets mad at me and gives me the cold shoulder for days if he misheard something I said and takes it the wrong way. I must have done or said something last night because he’s been acting weird since last night.",listener_1,2,You need to confront him about how he is making you feel.,-0.1779,negative,disappointed 3077,depressed,"There are only two people I’m alive for right now, my mom and my husband. My husband gets mad at me and gives me the cold shoulder for days if he misheard something I said and takes it the wrong way. I must have done or said something last night because he’s been acting weird since last night.",speaker,3,"I do and he says he will not do it again (that he’ll tell me right away next time if I say or do something that he finds offend him), but it always keeps happening. Today I just holed up in the bedroom and took a long nap. He hasn’t told me what was wrong but I think he realized how bad i felt and now he’s being extra nice and hugging me a lot.",-0.4767,negative,grateful 3077,depressed,"There are only two people I’m alive for right now, my mom and my husband. My husband gets mad at me and gives me the cold shoulder for days if he misheard something I said and takes it the wrong way. I must have done or said something last night because he’s been acting weird since last night.",listener_1,4,"Call him out on it again. It's hard to tell from this post whether you are seeing things that aren't there or is he really is not showing you respect by not telling you something is bothering him. Either way, right now it's all about communication. You both need to talk and set up a plan. If he's not alerting you to something wrong, you need to confront him immediately about that. Not wait til it blows over and you already feel miserable. And that way you can also find our immediately if you are just seeing something that's not there or take care of an issue as soon as it arises.",-0.8539,negative,angry 3078,depressed,My depression seems to go away for awhile and then come back even worse,speaker,1,Really hating life rn and i dont feel as if anything could get possibly worse,-0.7713,negative,sad 3078,depressed,My depression seems to go away for awhile and then come back even worse,listener_1,2,"I have the same problem, medicine helps",-0.0258,neutral,caring 3078,depressed,My depression seems to go away for awhile and then come back even worse,speaker,3,If only i had parents that i cloud open up to or someone to support me :(,-0.0516,negative,neutral 3078,depressed,My depression seems to go away for awhile and then come back even worse,listener_1,4,"I know it's not much, but you have this community full of people who deal with the same feelings every day. You can always open up to us.",0.0,neutral,trusting 3079,depressed,"I want to cry, but I can't no matter how hard I try or what I do",speaker,1,"I've been going through all sorts of shit since last Christmas eve from my ex breaking up with me to family issues to my ex trying to cause harm to me and my family....I am always quiet and seem calm, but on the inside I'm screaming for help but too afraid to ask. I feel like I'm just going to be alone my entire life and end up being to awkward around people to even have a social life with anyone the reason I'm still around is because of some of the friends I've gotten from school supporting me and taking some of this shit off my mind but it's always going to end in me going home and lie in bed lost in my thoughts.",-0.3453,negative,afraid 3079,depressed,"I want to cry, but I can't no matter how hard I try or what I do",listener_1,2,Please take your time with life. You don't need to cry just to express your pain. If anything it shows how strong you really are.,0.5932,positive,sad 3079,depressed,"I want to cry, but I can't no matter how hard I try or what I do",speaker,3,"The problem with that is when I used to be able to cry, anytime I would cry afterwards I would feel relieved, but now everything just feels built up and hurts more over time",-0.8074,negative,sad 3079,depressed,"I want to cry, but I can't no matter how hard I try or what I do",speaker,4,I've also been bullied all year in school and just sit there and stay quiet,-0.6249,negative,annoyed 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,1,I came off antidepressants last year because I couldn't stand being on them anymore. I'm 24 and was on them since I was 15. I can feel myself slipping deeper and deeper and I don't know what to do. I'm fed up of the life I have but I don't know how to change it,0.0,neutral,sad 3080,depressed,I feel so low,listener_1,2,"Maybe you've already tried this, since you've been feeling this way for so long, but counseling?? Do you know what causes your depression, or not? Is it a combination of things, occurrences, past events?",-0.7757,negative,suggesting 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,3,"I tried counselling for a couple of years. I had something happen as a child that has always been in the back of my head but it's something I can't talk to anyone about without turning my life upside down. I personally don't find counselling helpful. I have bad anxiety too so I hardly leave the house but I'm starting to push myself more. There was a point where I didn't leave the house for 10 months straight. I'm fed up of being like this and I'm ready to turn it around. I have my partner but other than that, I'm completely alone.",-0.482,negative,apprehensive 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,4,I know. I went to a psychologist and had counselling and my gp actually had me on diazepam for 2 weeks when my anxiety got bad. I wish I never went on antidepressants. I've wasted 9 years feeling like a zombie with no emotion. I just want to change and become something. I don't even know if I have a passion or what I want to do with my life. I'm so lost,-0.5092,negative,sad 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,5,"No worries, I appreciate your replies",0.6164,positive,sympathizing 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,6,"Thank you so much. I truly mean that. Knowing what you've been through and being able to do these things after struggling gives me some motivation. I've been exercising a lot more recently, but having a slipped disc limits what I can do at the moment. Walking seems to ease the pain so that's what I've been doing. Only around the street a few times a day with my dog but it's 1000% more than I have been doing. I'm going to stick to it and then hopefully build up to some more exercises. I can't thank you enough. Take care of yourself. You've helped me today.",0.7661,positive,grateful 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,7,"I'm sorry for what you went through, and your friend. I'm glad you're coping well. My girlfriend is my rock. I just hate that she has to put up with me I'm close to my parents but it's not something they can help me with. I need a friend. I have one close friend but she isn't someone to rely on, from experience. I've learned not to ask/expect anything. I work from home because my anxiety makes it impossible to go out to work. So I'm very confined to my home. I'd love to meet new people and surround myself with positive, caring people. I just need to make that leap forward. Thanks so much for replying. Sometimes you just need someone to listen",0.9873,positive,sympathizing 3080,depressed,I feel so low,listener_1,8,And you're welcome,0.4588,positive,sympathizing 3080,depressed,I feel so low,listener_1,9,"You've helped yourself by asking for help. And you are able to help yourself just as I am, just gotta believe it!",0.69,positive,impressed 3080,depressed,I feel so low,speaker,10,"I'll look that up tomorrow when I get up. I've been looking for things I can try. I'm working my way through CBT self-help modules online for health anxiety. I've learned that all the weird sensations I get, I get almost every time and nothing happened. Even when I say 'but it's different this time, I'm actually going to die and no one believes me' I can tell myself I'm just panicking and it's not real. I've got a long way to go. Hopefully what you've recommended will be helpful. Thank you!",-0.3164,negative,terrified 3080,depressed,I feel so low,listener_1,11,"Yes I know all about it! The anxiety, the rapid heart beat, shaking, the hot flush, the dry mouth, feeling you can't swallow, can't breathe.. Feeling ""this time I'm gonna die"".. I know. You won't. When it happens, sit down, or lie down if it's possible but sitting is fine, put a hand on your abdomen, breathe out a loooooong breath out, pulling your stomach in as you do so. Then a small breath in, feel your abdomen rise. Breathe out long again, get rid of all that stale breath from the bottom of your lungs, feel your stomach contract. Really push all that breath out. Again a small breath in. Do this til your breathing normalises, your body does this automatically. In a panic attack, we ""over breathe"", take in too much oxygen, makes us feel wired, tense, it's a vicious circle. This isn't the Buteyko breathing method, it's just what was recommended by a medical expert, who also said to never breathe into a paper bag, it does not work. Do check out buteyko breathing if you can. Also, for your back, a good friend of mine told me about the ""McKenzie method"", which can also be found on YouTube, look for ""McKenzie method for slipped discs"". Good luck, you'll be fine, do remind yourself that it always passes, always has before, and breathe out long, breathe that tension out. Long breath out, small breath in, til your breathing is back to normal, it just happens.",0.8644,positive,agreeing 3081,depressed,Pray for death every night and see no point in being alive anymore...,speaker,1,Simply waiting to die and honestly can’t wait for it to happen.,-0.2263,negative,anticipating 3081,depressed,Pray for death every night and see no point in being alive anymore...,listener_1,2,I am so so sorry.,-0.2707,negative,sympathizing 3081,depressed,Pray for death every night and see no point in being alive anymore...,speaker,3,"Fully aware of what I am, you do not need to state the obvious.",0.0,neutral,confident 3082,depressed,I feel depressed after going out/hanging out with friends,speaker,1,"Why do i feel depressed after going out with friends? I always ended up feeling depressed after having a low key good time with friends. e.g., eating, talking or just chilling. Sometimes, i regret going outside just to hangout with them but then, i feel like i need to go out more to be social or something like that. It seems like, at the end of the day i didnt have a good time but i kinda did(while with them).",0.7303,positive,sad 3082,depressed,I feel depressed after going out/hanging out with friends,listener_1,2,I feel the same way and i just couldn't understand as to why it is so.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3082,depressed,I feel depressed after going out/hanging out with friends,speaker,3,Oh! Thanks for your insightful comment.,0.4926,positive,acknowledging 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,speaker,1,"I know this post probably belongs to another subreddit, most likely r/Bulimia, or something like that, but I just wanted to say I'm back after a bit of a short break. Schools been working me to the limit, and life's not the best right now,but I'm still going. I've unfortunately relapsed from my ED, but luckily it's not as serious this time. I've just completely lost myself in this trace of self - hatred, bulimia, followed by successful weight gain, all over again, depression, and low self - esteem (Thanks, bullies. I reslly appreciate it..) A lot's been on my mind, and I've not been rrally able to deal with it all, but I have found some absolutely blessed people here on reddit, and, if it wasn't for them, I probably would've just killed myself already. Lets hope I get through this..?",0.3779,positive,lonely 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,listener_1,2,"Are you in therapy? If not, it is crucial for you to find a therapist and make an appointment.",0.0,neutral,questioning 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,speaker,3,"I have counselling at school, but they don't know everything, I haven't told them alot.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,listener_1,4,"You need to see a professional therapist. Sit down with your parents, tell them what going on and that you want help. Maybe do some research prior for therapists and find one whose profile you like and tell your parents to make an appointment with that one. And then be fully honest with them. It's the only way they can help you and for your life to get better.",0.9286,positive,trusting 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,speaker,5,"hey! 97 days..later. i have actually got an actual therapist now, things are going slow at the moment; baby steps. thanks!",0.5399,positive,acknowledging 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,speaker,6,"Knowing my parents, i dont think, as of right now, that would be the best course of action. I'll try and find someone to talk to, though. Thanks so much for the advice!",0.8122,positive,acknowledging 3083,depressed,A bit of an update..,listener_1,7,"Hey, that's great news! Yes, definitely won't be a rocket trip to happiness but at least you are going in a direction other than down. Good for you for taking those steps to put you back in control of your life.",0.8932,positive,acknowledging 3084,depressed,How do i help my boyfriend?,speaker,1,"Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 2 years, and although i knew that he had depression even before we started dating, he was a lot better back then than now. I've noticed his symptoms have been getting really out of hand, and i even had talks with him where he honestly said that sometimes he just feels like ending it. Now here's the thing, i knew about this and I've always been supportive and reassuring to him, and he himself went to therapy even though he said it didn't really help, and I'm at this point where im really scared for him and its making me anxious 24/7. He's been diagnosed with clinical depression for 4 years now, and like i said, it was never as bad as it is right now, and he's been hinting that his hope in recovery is getting slim. I will not leave him no matter what, it's important for me to get him back to a healthy mental state, to get rid or at least lessen his suicidal thoughts, and i need to know how to do it even more effectively. Also, i just really wanna know how do people get out of situations like these? He's been abusing weed and alcohol on top of his depression and I've been really trying to make him stop but at this point I don't wanna make him mad because he doesn't like people lecturing him on how he's supposed to cope/ feel something. He's tried a lot of things that are ""supposed"" to at least help, and yet he says they don't, then what can we do to get him better help from a medical standpoint? Any advise is highly appreciated.",0.9192,positive,trusting 3084,depressed,How do i help my boyfriend?,listener_1,2," My girlfriend have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for 7 years. I've been dating her for 3 years. When we started dating I was stupid enough to think that I could ""fix"" her by making her happy every day. I soon came to terms with the fact that it is simply not possible for a single individual to do. Some days are really bad and there's just nothing I can do. However, I do think I've succeeded in making her feel less depressed on most days. Basically I've tried to introduce good habits in her life, going to the gym together, swimming together and cooking together. I've also tried to engage myself as much as I can in her hobbies and such. Perhaps I don't really have a good answer, because there might not be any. You can't do more than your best. You clearly love him. Show him that.",0.894,positive,proud 3084,depressed,How do i help my boyfriend?,listener_2,3,>agreed \^\^\^,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",speaker,1,"I can't take this no more idc anymore. I want to end this shit once and for all. Cutting doesnt help no more, alcohol doesn't help me I can't feel anything now. I'm thinking about killing myself once and for all just fucking do it and never look back. Im tired... I'm going to sleep and never waking up.",-0.9527,negative,sad 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",speaker,3,I don't feel like talking,-0.2755,negative,apprehensive 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",listener_2,4,surely talking to someone won't make you feel worse,-0.0516,negative,acknowledging 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",speaker,5,"I just wasn't in the mood at the time, I got some rest and talking to someome I care about.",0.4939,positive,sentimental 3085,depressed,"I can't help myself, I can't stand being alive anymore.",speaker,6,Thanks man,0.4404,positive,grateful 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,speaker,1,"I have clinical depression and anxiety and I'm losing it. I've been suicidal for a while and I've asked for help countless times for years but I have received serious care now. I'm on medication that helps lift my mood but it does not help with the existential dread and burden I carry. Therapy is too expensive for me, I've messaged counselling centers that have a cheaper fee but they take ages to respond due to the tons of people that have already registered. I'm stuck. Everyday feels the same, the more I'm alone the more insane I feel. I don't like this. I need help before I drive myself to suicide. I don't know what to do anymore, it's so tough. I have so much self hatred I don't know how to be kinder to myself. What do I do? Please help.",-0.9703,negative,apprehensive 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,listener_1,2,"If you can't afford to talk to someone with a degree in therapy, would you talk to someone without a degree that wants to help you?",0.4019,positive,questioning 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,speaker,3,Yes that is what I've been doing but they have been referring me to therapists.,0.2144,positive,neutral 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,listener_1,4,"I was saying if you want to talk, I have time pretty much whenever.",0.5423,positive,content 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,speaker,5,Oh of course I'd like to talk to speak with you,0.3612,positive,agreeing 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,listener_1,6,Do you have Discord or on Reddit,-0.4019,negative,questioning 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,speaker,7,reddit would be better,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,listener_1,8,"Ok I'll try to message you later, I have school rn sorry",0.2263,positive,sympathizing 3086,depressed,Now what do I do?,speaker,9,don't worry about it we can talk later,0.3412,positive,questioning 3087,depressed,Idk what's going on,speaker,1,I was living a good life but ever since I left my last job at Honda Ive been really fucked up and depressed and shit I'm not that good of a person I done a lot of bad things and when I think about them it's like a rush if sadness twords me idk what to do but I started dating this girl 1 year ago today and I proposed yesterday but even though all of these good things are happening i still lay awake at night thinking of why I'm so depressed I love her I have a good job and make okayish money I don't have anyone to tell I'm sad but I want someone to know I think the main reason I'm so depressed is because I have a shit load of trust issues and even the slightest thing makes me sad like when my girlfriend doesn't kiss me goodnight or she leaves me on seen on snap like I'll just break down I just want to go back to being normal i wasn't always like this just in the past year or two it's gotten really bad idk why I'm even putting this on here tbh,-0.9906,negative,lonely 3087,depressed,Idk what's going on,listener_1,2,"I found that after I quit going to school I got more depressed. Then I got a job, later on I quit and once again I become really depressed. I've noticed with a lot of people, once they quit a job they go through a giant thing of depression. Having a job really kind of makes you feel like you have a purpose. Trust issues are really hard to deal with, but you just have to try your best to power through it. If you have a problem, or you're worried you should talk to your gf. You two have been together for a whole year so I'm sure she wouldn't mind reassuring you. It helps to try and find new things to do, change up your life a bit. Maybe discover a new hobby? And sometimes you have to realize it is okay to be sad. It is okay to sit there and cry, cause sometimes thats just what you need to do.",-0.5660000000000001,negative,sad 3087,depressed,Idk what's going on,listener_1,3,"Thats how school was for me, but it's kind of like your body needs its own schedule. It needs to feel like it has a 'purpose' if that makes much sense for you. You're already depressed so if you stopped going to school it'd get even worse because you'd be sitting at home doing nothing, that is if you don'y have a job.",-0.7419,negative,neutral 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,speaker,1,"Hello, I lost my motivation these past five months. I have diagnosed with PTSD since unpleasant experience one and half year ago. I feel like people around me was very intimidating to my situation especially because I am abroad now doing my master degree. My adoptive parents ditched me since I was teenager. But I am struggling paying my education bills now. I am from developing country with no child support from government and that affected my education so I am too old to school. People from my country considered I am too old for school and too late for marriage. People always judge me and criticized because I haven't get any achievement, no house, no car, nothing. People from my country considered I am too old to date with and I have no proper background no family not a good wife materials since social status is very important in my country. I lost my self confidence and lost my self. In the new country it is hard to make friends because people are individualistic. Fellow students only treated me only as his fuck buddy nothing more. My old friend in my country mostly married so they rarely reply my text. So I don't have anyone and have no purpose to life.",-0.9689,negative,lonely 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,listener_1,2,What's your music situation looking like? Do you like stand up comedy?,0.782,positive,questioning 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,speaker,3,"I like pop music, jazz, and classical",0.3612,positive,joyful 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,listener_1,4,Do you listen regularly? What about stand up comedy?,0.4329,positive,questioning 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,speaker,5,Yeah but I am not often listening to it. I listen to it if I don't have something to do. I don't really like stand up comedy.,0.2167,positive,neutral 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,listener_1,6,"okay that's cool. I listen to all kinds of music and I get to listen to my library (kind of.. it's a loud shop), pretty much all day. I have a bunch of stand up comics album in there so if I put my library on random.. I get all types of music playing.. metal, rock, some country, little bit of pop and so on. Every once in a while a stand up bit will come on and just take me out of my own head and get a laugh or two... kinda pulls me out of feel down about myself or life. Do you have any hobbies?",0.9349,positive,acknowledging 3088,depressed,How to find life purpose for a person like me (an orphan and have PTSD)? Any advice?,speaker,7,Do you think listen to music helps a lot? I sometimes forgot to turn on the music and then still silence. Yeah I had hobbies. Now I am lost interest and unable to buy console and TV. I am a gamer. My laptop also broken. I am trying to do sport as my hobby but I am not that expert. Unfortunately people around me are expert in sports so I feel left behind. Sigh,0.5274,positive,sad 3089,depressed,No,speaker,1,"So many words to say but who cares anymore? My life has become meaningless. I lay in bed or on the couch all day. I have no motivation to do anything. I lost my sex drive. I have no money. My GF throws it in my face that she has no time to help me around the house since she ""actually works"". Hearing that today from her makes me realize just how worthless and a POS I am. There are days I'm ok. No tears but not today. Today I almost hit her. I have never hit a girl before but today she just wouldn't let up. I literally had her robe in my hand and was ready to hit her but that's not me. I let her go she walked to my room. She followed me. Please don't follow me. Then to put the final mail in the coffin, she asks me if she did leave what would I do... My response was why beat around the bush and just say you want to leave me. So here I am, no idea of my future, current life is meaningless, and my own gf isn't happy or satisfied. I wish suicide was easier.",-0.9109,negative,ashamed 3089,depressed,No,listener_1,2,"Hey man I feel you. I’m only 19 but I’m feeling something that’s a bit similar. Suicide isn’t anything I would consider but I get when people say they don’t wanna keep living their life. I just think that even tho I’m in a shitty place that at any time something can change and things could get better. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Just try to tell yourself that one day things will be better and you’ll actually be happier. It’s tough but with a positive mind set about the future you can try to have hope, and that will get you through the day. Good luck",0.9568,positive,hopeful 3089,depressed,No,speaker,3,I'm currently giving my time to charity and working to start a nonprofit with some friends. Trying to get my mind right. Thank you.,0.8689,positive,faithful 3090,depressed,Feeling so depressed today and I don't know what to do,speaker,1,Just trying my hardest to hide it and not cry,0.2153,positive,sentimental 3090,depressed,Feeling so depressed today and I don't know what to do,listener_1,2,Same. I wish I could help. It is hard just hang on!,0.6476,positive,caring 3090,depressed,Feeling so depressed today and I don't know what to do,speaker,3,Thank you. Feeling somewhat better today. Hope you feel better as well :),0.9354,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,Hella depressed,speaker,1,"Why does everyone I meet have to be an evil, smug shit fuck? I don’t understand how one can derive satisfaction by being a shitty person.",-0.9081,negative,jealous 3091,depressed,Hella depressed,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel, but don‘t stop talking to people it only makes it worse...",-0.7876,negative,agreeing 3091,depressed,Hella depressed,speaker,3,"I have to, they torture me. Do you know what the first comment says? It says there's a comment there but I can't access it.",-0.3506,negative,annoyed 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,1,I see so many people on here who are like 16+ and talking about depression and stuff like that and it feels wrong that i’m 13 and i feel this way,-0.4215,negative,jealous 3091,depressed,.,listener_3,2,"Theirs nothing wrong with your age. We all get depression and suicidal at different ages. Most of us never talked about it we just sucked it up and didn't think much at the time. Slowly it increases through time it gets worse and worse till you can't take it. My point is no matter the age you'll eventually get this way and you need to talk about it before you get as bad as the rest of us. Just keep posting and people will help you and guide you. Good luck my friend, the community is here for you.",-0.8234,negative,agreeing 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,3,Thank you 🙏🏻,0.3612,positive,grateful 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,4,thank you 🙏🏻,0.3612,positive,wishing 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,5,Yeah that would be hard but at least you can do stuff to help it like getting a therapist and seeking professional help :I,0.8945,positive,neutral 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,6,"yeah i get what you mean but it’s still a bit strange how everyone on here is like 15-16+ feeling this way and i sometimes feel like i’m the only one who’s like this. i know i’m not tho, just feels like it. :(",0.8519,positive,neutral 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,7,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,8,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,9,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,10,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,11,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_6,12,WHAT,0.0,neutral,afraid 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,13,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_6,14,"yeah, i understand, it kinda sucks because it probably feels lonely or strange right? i wouldn’t exactly know but i’m always here for u if u need anything <3",-0.2854,negative,acknowledging 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,15,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,16,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,17,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,18,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,19,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,20,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,21,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,22,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,23,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,24,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,25,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,26,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_7,27,but it costs a lot of money,0.0,neutral,neutral 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,28,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,29,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_3,30,It's what the community is here for,0.0,neutral,grateful 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,31,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,32,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,33,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_5,34,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_4,35,I saw a :( so heres an :) hope your day is good,0.7322,positive,consoling 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,36,thank you 🙏🏻,0.3612,positive,wishing 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,37,I know but what else am i supposed to do?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3091,depressed,.,listener_7,38,"Therapy is incredibly beneficial to many people, for that reason I am glad it exists. But it has been a net negative to me by wasting my money.",-0.7582,negative,neutral 3091,depressed,.,listener_2,39,"it’s not really wasting your money, mental health is a massive thin. in a persons life.",0.3559,positive,neutral 3091,depressed,.,listener_7,40,It is if it doesn't help you much.,-0.3089,negative,neutral 3092,depressed,huh,speaker,1,i feel so fucking depressed right now. i’m 15 and i feel like my parents are really disappointed in me because i don’t do stuff often enough. my friends never want to do anything and i wish they would. i wish i lived before computers and shit because that’s all people want to do. i don’t want to sound like one of those pretentious kids who think they were born in the wrong generation but i really do. whenever i talk about music i like to anybody they make fun of me for it. all i do is sit in my room. i don’t even get good grades. i’m not smart. i feel like i am fucking useless. i am. all i do is sit on my ass. i want to me play an instrument but i feel unmotivated. help. please.,0.8566,positive,sad 3092,depressed,huh,listener_1,2,"I'm 18 kid I've been through hell I've been in your shoes and still am. I've done alot of drugs and drinking. I've done stuff that made my parents want to send me to military school and juvenile detention. I self harm even to this day and drugs, alchol. Even though you may feel like a disappointment they still love you. My parents especially my dad kicked me out multiple times and to the point I left the house in blood and tears from a fight I had with him. I slept on the streets for weeks and they finally took me back in. Your friends may be glued to their tech but you can still go out and walk for a bit. I'm almost always in my room doing nothing other than listen to music. Make new friends ik it's hard but it's worth the effort. Let them talk their shit your real friends will stick up for you. I don't make good grades im praticly failing every class. Don't get down over things like these I let it tear me apart. I've attempted suicide many times and I'm still here. We all have a purpose for a reason don't let yourself think negative keep your head up and keep being you.",-0.9525,negative,ashamed 3092,depressed,huh,speaker,3,thanks lad typing this out and reading this helped me a bit :),0.7096,positive,acknowledging 3092,depressed,huh,listener_1,4,"Np, this is what the community is all about",0.0,neutral,neutral 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,speaker,1,"i just miss her so much already. she’s going to be off having fun with people and i’m just gonna be alone in my room watching netflix or something. whenever i see her i get sad but for the record i’ve constantly been sad for the past four days. it wasn’t a bad decision to do what we’re doing or anything bc it’s gonna be better soon. it just sucks so much rn and i wish i could just sleep but i cant. it always gets worse before it gets better, right? i want to make so many bad decisions right now but i’m not going to (and if ur reading this i swear i’m not going to do anything stupid. i promised you) but it came sadness, numbness, and now i feel again but instead of feeling everything i only feel sad and nothing else. when i see her active all i wanna do is talk to her. i’m so stupid it’s only gonna be two or three months. i can make it and ofc i’m going to get better and she’s going to get better and it’ll be totally great but it just happened with such shit timing, but it was gonna happen anyway so i should just shut up about it. idk why i’m even complaining ugh i hate myself can’t i just fucking (TW) tear into my thighs so i feel something at least??? i won’t. but blah. imma get better tho it’s gonna be ok i’m just a stupid baby",-0.9844,negative,lonely 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,listener_1,2,"i miss u too, so much <33,, im always thinking abt u, but we gotta think abt ourselfs for rn, we gotta focus on ourselfs",-0.0772,negative,neutral 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,speaker,3,ik. im just sad,-0.4767,negative,sympathizing 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,speaker,4,"yeah i gotcha, but you’re better at dealing with it an u have so many people who rlly love u and wanna see u i’m just kinda dum",0.9052,positive,neutral 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,listener_1,5,lmao how do u kno im better at dealing with it,0.7783,positive,questioning 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,speaker,6,idk it just looks like it,0.2732,positive,neutral 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,listener_1,7,dont assume shit,0.4449,positive,questioning 3093,depressed,why does my brain work like this?,speaker,8,"alright, i’m sorry",0.1779,positive,sympathizing 3094,depressed,I might have an eating disorder and some other mental problems,speaker,1," Maybe i do have an eating disorder So my mom was talking to me about losing weight. I was 125 pounds on Saturday and now im 123 pounds, and im 5’1. I dont think i need to lose that much weight, but i fasted for a day and now im addicted to the pain of hunger. Im eating about 800-1000 calories a day. Idk what to do. Am I getting an eating disorder? That was about a month ago. Now im 116 pounds. Im still addicted to the pain of hunger. And i had pneumonia and bronchitis recently and i had no appetite which helped. Is that unhealthy? Is it unhealthy for me to lose weight like that? On top of all of this I feel like im always the “runt” of my family and even my friend groups. My family makes me feel like i am a black sheep and what really happens isnt true. My dad especially makes me feel like im going crazy. Like people are playing games on me. Like once a teacher apparently said something that I didn’t hear, and my friends were telling me that he said it right next to me but i never even saw him get up. I feel like im losing my mind.",-0.9317,negative,apprehensive 3094,depressed,I might have an eating disorder and some other mental problems,listener_1,2,You are eating too little. I'm assuming you are a teenager. You should be eating about 2500 calories a day at your age if you are moderately active. Please talk with your parents about making an appointment with a therapist for you before things get worse.,0.2263,positive,suggesting 3094,depressed,I might have an eating disorder and some other mental problems,speaker,3,"Thats my problem, therapists and psychologists scare me",-0.7096,negative,terrified 3094,depressed,I might have an eating disorder and some other mental problems,listener_1,4,"Why? This is like saying you have a bad rash that is spreading but doctors scare you. If you want to get better, you need to see the people who can help you.",0.29600000000000004,positive,apprehensive 3094,depressed,I might have an eating disorder and some other mental problems,speaker,5,They themselves gives me more anxiety idk why,-0.3962,negative,anxious 3095,depressed,I don’t think this is normal anymore.,speaker,1,"I was 12 when i started to feel depressed, and it started getting worse in the year. it’s was just after summer 2019 when i self harmed and then it got addicting. At the time i became used to it and started to believe that it was normal and that’s what i told myself but recently in 2020 i’ve started to think about what i keep doing and how i barely eat and have horrible thought on a daily and i’ve realised that it’s not normal. it’s nit okay for me to just go about my day and then seeing a car and questioning myself wether i should jump in front of it or lying in a bath with my head under the water asking myself if i should come up for air or just lay there, stuff like that every single day isn’t normal is it? i want to get help i really do but 1. i don’t want to let my mum know how i feel and 2. i’m so bad at talking to people about my issues.",-0.9244,negative,ashamed 3095,depressed,I don’t think this is normal anymore.,listener_1,2,"I just want to let you know everything will be alright. I’m here if you want to talk. Hurting yourself will not help yourself. You have so much potential!! I have been where you are, and it does get better!!",0.4039,positive,caring 3095,depressed,I don’t think this is normal anymore.,speaker,3,"The issue is people have told me this over and over but every time they do things just get even worse, someone told me my life was going to get better and everything will be okay and then my internet best friend committed suicide and didn’t even say goodbye or anything she did tell me she was thinking bout doing it and i tried to convince her not to but she still did.",0.8765,positive,devastated 3095,depressed,I don’t think this is normal anymore.,listener_1,4,I’m sorry about your best friend. Is there a close friend you can talk to about how your feeling?,0.8957,positive,sympathizing 3095,depressed,I don’t think this is normal anymore.,speaker,5,"I do have a close friend but she doesn’t let me talk about my issues or anything because everything is about her most of the time :), ik it’s toxic but she’s the only person i have right now.",0.2732,positive,lonely 3096,depressed,Everyone does keep saying that it gets better but what if doesn’t for me,speaker,1,Im just fucking tired man. Y’all I didn’t choose to be fucking born and deal with the bullshit of life. I just wanna sleep or something but I can’t.,-0.5418,negative,angry 3096,depressed,Everyone does keep saying that it gets better but what if doesn’t for me,listener_1,2,"I know what that's like. It won't always be this way, happiness isn't impossible. Who you surround yourself with and what you tell yourself can affect how you feel. Another thing, be yourself. If you like drawing, draw. If you like wearing skirts, wear em and if you like playing sports then play them. It doesn't matter if you think you aren't good enough because improvement is only achievable when you keep trying. Do what makes you happy, more people then you might think believe in you",0.9695,positive,agreeing 3096,depressed,Everyone does keep saying that it gets better but what if doesn’t for me,speaker,3,"Im trying. I love playing music im even in a band, but I feel so numb even doing that.",-0.2902,negative,sad 3096,depressed,Everyone does keep saying that it gets better but what if doesn’t for me,speaker,4,"Thank you, what you just said meant a lot to me :)",0.6705,positive,acknowledging 3097,depressed,Bichez,speaker,1,So I'm always helping people but who will help me,0.6465,positive,caring 3097,depressed,Bichez,listener_1,2,What do you need help with?,0.4019,positive,questioning 3097,depressed,Bichez,speaker,3,My problems,-0.4019,negative,ashamed 3097,depressed,Bichez,speaker,4,Yes I do but like nobody wants,0.6249,positive,jealous 3098,depressed,I hate being fucking sad all the time,speaker,1,"I’m such a sad person and I hate it, everytime I’m with someone I almost barley talk about myself and always make conversation about them or something else because there’s nothing interesting about me and I’m not good at telling stories so I wouldn’t even be able to get it out the way I want. I hate that I have almost barley any confidence in myself and I feel like I’m bad at everything and I don’t excel t anything, and it’s true I’m not good at any sports don’t rlly have a hobby I’m not strong,fast,smart and I’m antisocial and I don’t make that many friends because I’m not outgoing and that fun.",-0.6022,negative,ashamed 3098,depressed,I hate being fucking sad all the time,listener_1,2,"It sounds like you're humble and modest, like you let people talk about themselves since that's what gives them pleasure in the moment. Maybe you're a listener rather than a talker....there's power in knowledge, and maybe if you let people blab enough you can leverage their information towards your avocation if you ever come across something you enjoy doing as a hobby.",0.8979,positive,suggesting 3098,depressed,I hate being fucking sad all the time,speaker,3,"I’m 15 actually, but thank you that’s true that it’s better be close to the people you have than have so many acquaintances that you aren’t close to. Thank you so much for the help man",0.9559,positive,neutral 3098,depressed,I hate being fucking sad all the time,listener_2,4,Are you me?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3099,depressed,New to the community,speaker,1,"I just wanted to share with like minds where I am at with my depression and it’s effect on my life. I am 38 years old and have been married for 15 years, but due to the hurt I’ve caused over those 15 years because of my depression my marriage is on the rocks. We aren’t to the divorce stage yet but in June we are separating and I am not really handling it well. Given some days are better than others but most the time I am struggling not to cry. I have been seeing a therapist for around 2 years but it only helps me so much. Thanks for reading and I hope to find people to talk to and help others get through this if it’s welcomed.",0.933,positive,sad 3099,depressed,New to the community,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry, I’m new to the community as well. Seems like I’m on the same boat in reverse.. If I could rub Aladdin’s lamp and make 3 wishes, my first wish would be to have the power to make her laugh and smile, the second wish would be to fill the empty void with love, and the 3rd wish of course would be to free the genie in the lamp. I don’t know how much longer I can go on not sharing laughter, smile or even an interesting conversation that we are both passionate about. The worst feeling for me is being alone with someone you love right next to you..",0.9733,positive,sympathizing 3099,depressed,New to the community,speaker,3,Sorry I haven’t replied sooner. I welcome people to talk it out to me. I have no problems listening. I am the type that it is harder for me to talk. I have long periods where I withdraw like that. But there are people who will check on me from time to time if I go too long without being heard from. I have had the talk with many people that if my marriage ends I’m going to stick to myself from then on. I’ve given my wife everything that I could. I won’t do that again.,0.4988,positive,lonely 3100,depressed,I'm Tired,speaker,1,"Lately i've just had this overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Like I'm not sure how much longer I can go. I was clean of cutting for about a little over a month now up until today. I just picked up the blade without even thinking and then I did it. It was like I became a whole different person. I'm scared that I'm never going to be able to get out of this rut. I'm a junior in high school and I just want to be able to focus on my school work but I can't. I'm also sick and tired of hearing everyone tell me ""you just need to relax"", ""just try to be happy"", ""you shouldn't be stressed you're only a teen"". Guess what I can't just ""be happy"" if it were that easy no one would be depressed, but look where we are. I genuinely don't know how much more I can take.",0.5071,positive,disappointed 3100,depressed,I'm Tired,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel , you must have someone you can talk to right? If you don't, please chat with me. I know it feel like you're alone and nobody understands bit I've been through what you've been. Just hold on a little longer. Just take a deep fucking breath and hold on. Please don't self harm. It makes your body feel week. You aren't week. Please talk with me of you want to. Take care man you got this.",0.7372,positive,agreeing 3100,depressed,I'm Tired,listener_2,3,"Yeah, i got told that playing, especially African drums, them was somewhat ""relieving"" and can be helpful when trying to relax, or just simply have fun. Good luck OP!",0.9607,positive,wishing 3101,depressed,How do I move on?,speaker,1," I (M19) had a severe depression for about 2,5 years with beïng sudicidal for 3 months and almost got admitted to a mental institution. After a year of therapy and medicin for this I felt good enough to stop treatment. Now, about 7 months after my last appointment with my therapist I am starting to reguarly feel depressed again. I've had days where I was happy and days where I was sad and I think it is just a part of life everyone has to deal with and full recovery is still far away. My question is how do I move on? I became depressed because of multiple reasons but one of the major one's was bordom. I have learned how to deal with feelings yet I dont know how to ""entertain"" myself. Slowly my good, fun and interesting days are turning into days with bordom and lack of fun. I lack the social contact but I am clueless as to how I make new friends. On top of finding friends I have trouble keeping them, most people just simply don't fit me even if I genuinly try. sorry for the bad spelling/grammar. english is not my native laguage.",0.6647,positive,sad 3101,depressed,How do I move on?,listener_1,2,"It may seem boring at first, but have you tried learning a new skill? Online sources may help you achieve almost anything. For instance, although I didn't complete it, I started learning new languages. It kept me busy and it got me through. I know a bit of French and a bit of biblical Greek. Now, I have stopped these projects, but the point was not necessarily completion. I needed to do something. For my sister, she bought cheap painting supplies and started painting whatever she felt like. Now, she's painting her bathroom walls to look like a beach. There are great subreddits like r/brokehobbies that are just people trying to get creative. For myself, creativity didn't come naturally, I had to force myself to learn how. I hope this helps.",0.9862,positive,impressed 3101,depressed,How do I move on?,speaker,3,This is exactly how I feel. situations are complicated and friends that I have do not make any time for me. boredom is difficult to beat.,-0.1779,negative,lonely 3101,depressed,How do I move on?,speaker,4,"Thanks for the suggestion, ill defenitely will check out r/BrokeHobbies.",0.0258,neutral,acknowledging 3101,depressed,How do I move on?,speaker,5,"Thanks, good luck to you too man.",0.8316,positive,wishing 3102,depressed,I don't have any friends...,speaker,1,That's it really.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3102,depressed,I don't have any friends...,listener_1,2,Can we be friends?,0.4767,positive,questioning 3102,depressed,I don't have any friends...,speaker,3,Okay,0.2263,positive,questioning 3103,depressed,So depressed,speaker,1," It happens a lot. Crying in my cubicle, crying in my car, crying on my couch and crying myself to sleep. Once again used and thrown away by a man who pretended he cared about me. I keep saying I will get smarter, but I never do. So i think i will just be alone. I cancelled all my plans for the weekend, who wants to be around a mess anyways? He told me he wanted to give us a chance and that I was important to him. I guess i became too needy so instead i was dumped in a text (so important). Now it comes in waves. Sometimes I am angry but mostly i am so sad that it's hard to function. It's that feeling of knowing i have let myself be someones play toy again, just so they could leave. It's that feeling of not enjoying anything anymore, not even food. I know it will probably pass, but really how much more can i take? I don't even know if i believe in love anymore, which for me is hard to do. I think of me as a little girl and all i wanted was love. How i have let her down.",-0.9254,negative,lonely 3103,depressed,So depressed,listener_1,2,Go see a therapist and maybe see if you can figure out a reason why you are being attracted to people who might hurt you or learn to read different signs. I’m sorry this happened it sounds awful but all you can do is keep on going,-0.3506,negative,sympathizing 3103,depressed,So depressed,speaker,3,I am trying thank you. And yes i should prob get therapy,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 3103,depressed,So depressed,speaker,4,I hope you soon realize that isn't the man of your dreams. I'm just gonna take a ton of time to myself and not date again until someone proves themselves to me,0.6808,positive,faithful 3103,depressed,So depressed,speaker,5,Some times it just takes a long time. I was single for a year and a half once after a bad breakup. Its hard,-0.5994,negative,lonely 3103,depressed,So depressed,speaker,6,No you shouldn't die alone. But yes i relate to all the self sabotage. But maybe those things weren't meant to be anyways?,-0.0534,negative,suggesting 3103,depressed,Help,listener_2,1,I need so much help omg where do i get it and how? this is a cry for help asap. should i talk to my school?,0.4476,positive,apprehensive 3103,depressed,Help,listener_3,2,"I'm going to be frank. You didn't write much so I don't really know what to make of this. Having said that, if you actually need help like you say you do, the answer is: you need to talk to someone. Talk to your friends or a trusted adult. If your school has a mental health councilor, go to them. You need to reach out to someone. You're not alone. Feel free to message my account if you need to.",0.8604,positive,trusting 3103,depressed,Help,listener_2,3,"Thank you, this helped quite a lot 🙏🏻🖤",0.7717,positive,sympathizing 3104,depressed,Planned suicide,speaker,1,"I just can't take it anymore, I just keep on disappointing people. I do nothing worthwhile in the this world and the world would be so much better without me. I have no secure future and I'm so much of a failure and I hate it. I just wish I could just start over again. There is no long term happiness for me at all. I'm hated by almost everyone I know and im sure that the people that still talk to me will give up on me too aswell.",-0.8357,negative,ashamed 3104,depressed,Planned suicide,listener_1,2,"I'm gonna be completely honest with, ive attempted suicide multiple times. Its not worth hurting everybody that cares. You make a impact on everybody's life. You may feel like it now that your worthless, disappointment, not worth nobody's time. Ik how you feel ive been in your shoes and still am. I still self harm, drink, and use drugs. You have a purpose, a reason to live. You may not have alot of friends maybe just 1 true friend. Eventually you and that friend will part ways, however you will find more people that truely love you for who you are. It just takes time, a lot of time. You will feel alone, not able to trust anyone not even yourself at times. Go out find new people and slowly get to know them, and let them get to know you. Don't kill yourself over stuff like this, even though you feel like nobody likes you they will miss you when your gone. It sucks knowing that.. Don't let others bring you down and tear you apart, it's what I let happened and I still let it happen. Let it all out to someone you trust and trust you. Like I said it just takes time. It's all worth it afterwards. I don't really have a future either I dont know what I want to do or where I'll end up. But you just have to go with the flow and let it just happen, in the end it'll get better. I hope this helped even just a little, and if it didn't just know people care deep down even when you think they don't. Good luck my friend, the community is here for you.",0.974,positive,trusting 3104,depressed,Planned suicide,listener_2,3,Thank you for this comment,0.3612,positive,sympathizing 3105,depressed,I wish i was never born,speaker,1,Everything would be fine and everyone’s lives would be great if i was t born. i hate myself.,0.29600000000000004,positive,jealous 3105,depressed,I wish i was never born,listener_1,2,Meeee toooooo,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3105,depressed,I wish i was never born,speaker,3,everything,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 3106,depressed,So frustrating.,speaker,1,"I'm acctually getting annoyed by this, but at the same time, who am I to judge. I jist told a freind about my problems regarding Bulimia yesterday night, by text, and he proceeded to respond with ""same"" He went on to rhetoric questions, like, ""haven't you seen I've become more skinny lately?"" amd completely repeated what I said, but from his POW. I'm not saying that he's definitely faking it for his own sake, but he does this all the time. When I started to cut, he turned the conversation into an hour long rant about his problems, but this time, everything he said seemed to similar to mine. For example, I explained that I don't eat breakfast or lunch, and often have an urge to throw up my dinmer afterwards, and he said he dosent eat lunch too, amd throws his food up too, when I clearly see him eat lumch at school, and immediately go out to play basketball, which he also stated he dosent enjoy. I dont like to judge people, but I'm getting fed up because i cant tell anyone anything anymore because they all go on about them and how ""OMG, relatable"", my problems are. It's makes me feel invalidated - maybe *I'm* the one faking all this?",-0.8713,negative,annoyed 3106,depressed,So frustrating.,listener_1,2,"It sounds like there is only one person you can't tell because he acts like it is relatable. He's clearly has attention issues of his own. But is anyone else doing this where you can't talk to anyone? And since you are willing to tell people, tell your parents so you can see a therapist.",0.5187,positive,questioning 3106,depressed,So frustrating.,speaker,3,"I told school. the nurse is planning on telling dad or mum, most likely my mum, because I told her me and my dad aren't the most ""relatable"" at the moment. She also said she'd refer me to CAMHS. (Child & Adolescent Mental Health Services), for an appointment, i think the first one's with parents, so im not looking forward to that, at all.",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3106,depressed,So frustrating.,listener_1,4,"Good for you. It sucks, I know. But in the long run it's a good thing. Embarrassment and feeling uncomfortable is still better than suffering. And after the first appointment, you should be on your own with the therapist. Sometimes you can request your parents not be part of the first appointment but that depends on the therapist. But if it helps gradually bring you to a point where days are easier to get through, you smile more, and the struggle seems less overbearing, it will all be worth it.",0.7653,positive,suggesting 3107,depressed,I feel so fucking shit,speaker,1,"From the moment I wake up I feel so fucking shit. I'm so done with this stupid fucking life, I want to find happiness but it's so fucking hard. I want to take sleeping pills because sleep is a major reason for my sadness. I fucking hate this world",-0.9254,negative,sad 3107,depressed,I feel so fucking shit,listener_1,2,"Been feeling a lot like this too lately.. I feel that I'm literally shit at everything I try to do. (Got fired, cant find work that supports my family, debt is growing) Is becoming harder and harder to get out of bed every morning.",-0.5423,negative,ashamed 3107,depressed,I feel so fucking shit,speaker,3,All we gotta do is keep at it and hope something will change for good. Wish you the best of luck mate,0.9403,positive,wishing 3107,depressed,I feel so fucking shit,listener_1,4,"You as well, cheers 🍻",0.6369,positive,acknowledging 3108,depressed,kms,speaker,1,haha i wanna kms,0.4588,positive,acknowledging 3108,depressed,kms,listener_1,2,haha same. But let's not?,0.25,positive,questioning 3108,depressed,kms,speaker,3,well you drive a hard bargain,0.3612,positive,neutral 3108,depressed,kms,speaker,4,that’s not really losibble,0.0,neutral,neutral 3109,depressed,i think i’m getting to the point where i’m ready to end my life.,speaker,1,i don’t really know how i’m feeling but i’m going to try my best to explain it. i know there’s happy moments in life but none of that really makes up for the sadness. i haven’t been happy or myself in years. i wake up go to school then wait till it’s a decent enough time to go to sleep. i don’t have any friends nor anyone to talk to about my feelings. days blend together. i don’t care about anything. i had this ex and i thought we were deeply in love but we were toxic for each other it’s been about 5 months since then but as soon as we broke up he left me for his “best friend” i want to ask him why and how he just stopped loving me but isn’t it obvious? he just loves her that’s it. i wish he’d give me closure but he won’t. i’m stuck. this doesn’t explain half of how i’m feeling but it doesn’t matter,0.991,positive,lonely 3109,depressed,i think i’m getting to the point where i’m ready to end my life.,listener_1,2,"Don't do it. I thought about it a few times but I always got talked out of it. If you need to just get some help and you'll be better. Life will get better, just me. Everything gets better eventually.",0.9442,positive,faithful 3109,depressed,i think i’m getting to the point where i’m ready to end my life.,listener_2,3,I can second that!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3110,depressed,How to feel less alone?,speaker,1,"Hi. I’m in college rn and I feel so alone and sad. It’s been a problem for me since middle school but it’s been hard to address because i don’t have any reason to be sad. My life is difficult because I have (almost) everything going for me yet I feel this empty feeling inside of me and I have to put on a happy face for the sake of my family and hold back tears almost every day. I don’t understand it and people always attack me when I bring my feelings up because they see my life as “perfect.” I mean I’m lucky, I have friends, I have a house and food, I have education etc. I don’t know. Why am I sad? Do I have a mental disorder? It doesn’t make any sense. I just need some advice on what to do (besides get a therapist).",-0.9354,negative,lonely 3110,depressed,How to feel less alone?,listener_1,2,Why are you asking if you have a mental disorder and then saying you don't want to hear about seeing a therapist?,-0.4445,negative,questioning 3110,depressed,How to feel less alone?,speaker,3,Sorry I misphrased that. I know abt therapy I just wanna hear abt other ways of dealing with this. Therapy is expensive on my college budget and the school provided therapy is basically only for people who’ve been through some traumatic event,-0.6124,negative,sympathizing 3110,depressed,How to feel less alone?,listener_1,4,"If you are in the US, the therapy provided by your school is for anyone who needs a therapist. There are no levels of severity restrictions.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,trusting 3111,depressed,My best friend (25) expressed desire to end his life. How can I help him?,speaker,1,"Hi reddit, Since I can’t discuss this topic with my closest friends or family members, I created a reddit account. Out of respect for my best friend I will not reveal too much personal information. I will call him Jake for the sake of this post. Jake has been severely depressed for years. The last week things took a turn for the worst. His financial situation got bad and his partner left him. She didn’t want to deal with his mood swings anymore. I met Jake a few years ago. We have mutual friends and try to do fun activities together. Jake cut off ties with all of them and even quit his job yesterday. I am extremely worried. He does talk to me, but his responses are very short and cold. He told me to give up on him and that it is a matter of time before he kills himself. What can I do to help him? Do I need to give space or do I need to keep trying to talk to him even if he does not want to? Jake told me not to inform his parents and that he will see it as betrayal. I am stuck and I don’t know what to do. Reddit please help. I don’t want him to harm himself.",-0.7040000000000001,negative,trusting 3111,depressed,My best friend (25) expressed desire to end his life. How can I help him?,listener_1,2,"Tell his parents. That's what needs to happen. He needs help, more than you can provide. Would you rather have him mad at you and alive (which he will eventually thank you for once he improves), or dead and you didn't ""betray"" him. You can't be with him 24 hours a day. You can be there to support him as he goes through the struggle to get better, but he needs professional help to get better. And since he's not going to do it himself, you need to contact his parents. His family needs to help him.",0.9416,positive,sad 3111,depressed,My best friend (25) expressed desire to end his life. How can I help him?,speaker,3,That’s true. I felt anxious about it since he does not have a good relationship with them. I am fine if he is angry at me; his health is priority right now. He always told me that everyone in his life ends up hurting him. Guess I was worried he would lose trust in me.,-0.7511,negative,apprehensive 3111,depressed,My best friend (25) expressed desire to end his life. How can I help him?,speaker,4,"I will remember your words. I hope you are doing better. Your friends too. I was worried I would come off too pushy, but I see it is better to show him it is my way of caring for him.",0.899,positive,caring 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,speaker,1,"What I hate most about depression is that a lot of people, including myself, have to fight it on a daily basis. I have social anxiety, I'm self conscious all of the time, i have a lot of insecurities and doubts, but until recently, I was getting used to it. And then I saw how easy it is for other people to make friends, to get into relationships, to worry about things that actually matter and how easy it is for them since they don't have to overthink 24/7. This just seems incredibly unfair to me and it makes me want to end it all.",-0.539,negative,jealous 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,listener_1,2,"Hey I'm sorry you feel this way, but if it's any consolation I do understand how that feels. I have a lot of self doubt, insecurities, and I never know what to say in conversations. It's frustrating to not have that natural ability to just socialize with people, but that isn't an excuse to give up. Everything above is able to be worked on. I'm about as awkward as they come, but even I've improved at my social skills. Sure, I'm still awkward and I feel like everyone judges me, but I still force myself to talk, or at least try. You'd be surprised at how well a conversation can flow once you stop worrying about what you're going to say, and just focus, and listen to the conversation with the other person. I'm going to let you in on a little secret that has helped me. Most people aren't focusing on the mistakes you make. They are often more focused on what they are saying and trying to not make a fool of themselves. Just like you. They are just better at hiding it. Or, when they make a mistake and say something dumb (everyone does), they own it and move on. You flub your words, sure maybe a joke will be made, but no one really cares. You stutter a couple of words, who cares, keep on talking. Get what you have to say out. Can't think of anything to say? This is a problem I struggle with a lot. What I do is while they are talking, I make sure I listen to them, not my inner voice panicking over the fact that I can't think of anything to say. Eye contact is important. That way, I'm at least being an attentive listener even when I'm not contributing to a conversation that much. Believe it or not, even the most confident of humans have self doubts and insecurities. It's easy to assume that they don't ever struggle with those things when you're an outsider looking in, but you'd be surprised at what you would find. I understand that it seems unfair, trust me, I hate my depression. I hate the way that I see myself, I hate that I can't just be normal. I've never experienced a connection beyond friendship with someone and it gets me down a lot, but I can't give up and neither can you. I highly suggest seeing a doctor and getting a professional opinion on the matter. Maybe even see a counselor or a therapist. Having someone who is trained to listen and respond, to try and help you, can make a big difference. Just because you were ""getting used to it"" doesn't mean that you should. You shouldn't get used to your depression, you should be fighting it, with every fiber of your being. You deserve to be happy and you shouldn't deny yourself that. I really hope something here helps, even just a little. Remember that you aren't alone. You are worth a lot more than you think. You deserve happiness, you just have to be willing to work for it. Don't wait for a perfect time to change, there won't ever be a perfect time. You just have to do it. Good luck, this internet stranger is rooting for you :) Have a lovely day/night!",0.9897,positive,sympathizing 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,listener_2,3,This wasnt for me but you are a good soul. good to know theres people out there that care about mental health.,0.9186,positive,neutral 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,speaker,4,Thank you. It really means a lot that you took your time to write this. I really appreciate it!,0.6989,positive,grateful 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,listener_1,5,It's really no problem at all :) I was happy to do it. Just don't give up. Keep fighting. Keep pushing. You're strong and you can beat this.,0.8841,positive,confident 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,speaker,6,"I know comparison is bad and I try not do it, but sometimes it's just impossible. I get so jealous of others, and I can't help but feel like a complete failure, for being so socially awkward amongst others. Sometimes I just wish i could be like them and get rid of all this overthinking.",-0.7994,negative,jealous 3112,depressed,Why is depression so unfair?,listener_1,7,"I appreciate you saying so. I try my best to be understanding of other peoples mental health as best as I can because it feels so isolating when no one seems to want to understand. We didn't choose to become this. We need help just as much as anyone does. The advice was targeted for someone else, but I hope you found something helpful in it. Have a great day/night :)",0.9764,positive,encouraging 3112,depressed,Kill me now,listener_3,1,I want to die,-0.5574,negative,sad 3112,depressed,Kill me now,listener_4,2,any particular reason? :’(,0.0,neutral,questioning 3112,depressed,Kill me now,listener_3,3,Thanks for the reply! I'm up and getting at it today!,0.5399,positive,acknowledging 3113,depressed,God is a piece of shit,speaker,1,"Total scumbag, complete asshole who had to put me on this earth.",-0.6697,negative,furious 3113,depressed,God is a piece of shit,listener_1,2,he just likes watching us dance in misery.,-0.2263,negative,neutral 3113,depressed,God is a piece of shit,listener_2,3,"not really, r/antitheism might be better",0.4404,positive,suggesting 3113,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_3,1,I wish someone would help me,0.6597,positive,hopeful 3113,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_4,2,"It's a troll. Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/ddf5bn/l_please_be_kind_to_me/f2gib00/ Also, someone very recently tried talking to him seriously and continues to call herself his friend, which negates the premise of his constant spamming and trolling. He told her some ridiculous stories that you should not also buy: https://www.reddit.com/r/MeetPeople/comments/eo0nn7/chat_talk_to_me/fe6ow17/",-0.4767,negative,annoyed 3113,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_5,3,"Curious what you are linking to in the second link. There's no chat there. I already know about this troll, just wanted to see the new additions to the soap opera",0.0258,neutral,anxious 3113,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_4,4,"Somewhere in that comment chain, I relay a story he shared with the poor woman who's desperately trying to help him. In a nutshell, he claims to have prepaid his rent for two years with Bitcoin. It's a fiction that is stultifying in its awfulness, because 1) it could be verified on the blockchain and 2) his persona is supposed to be too hopeless to figure out how to secure basic paperwork like an SSN, but he somehow had ~$40k worth of BTC two years ago. It's a laff and a half.",0.3612,positive,disgusted 3114,depressed,Finally spoke up that I don’t appreciate my “best friend” using me as a backup when other ppl cancel on her and her telling me about it. She responded with immediate rage telling me everything she’s ever done for me (wtf I’ve done more for her) and didn’t acknowledge anything.,speaker,1,"She blocked me and I’m sad. Sad at her rage, of her having a COMPLETELY fake persona of being generous and I’ve never wanted to accept anything in the past and always given back - material gifts, shouting lunches, emotional support, constantly replying. Got sick of her collecting new friends every single day, even when we went out she’d ditch me to talk to new people to collect them for “play dates” (both mothers) and EVERYONE including the mail box down the street was her best friend, even someone who didn’t know she wasn’t working for 6 months when we were all talking together - just as an example. I was her “best friend” as long as I was meek and mild and never said anything to how I feel, and constantly replied to her and said how awesome she was. The SECOND I didn’t talk to her much for a week, and finally said how I feel in regards to saying “this persons cancelled, are you coming over” i was the worst person in the world, I called her out in text message after that, not rudely but sticking up for myself. Saying if you were truly genuinely generous you would acknowledge my feelings which are based in fact, and not immediately go into a rage of things you’ve done for me (all of which I didn’t want to accept - places she wanted to go she took me, I didn’t want to go, a dinner she made out was just for me when she invited a million other people, which she always did with plans) I don’t bring this up to her but I’ve bought her kid so much stuff to not look like I’m taking advantage, she buys my kid one thing and gives her random “new best friends” extravagant gifts so they’re beholden to her and she’ll always have someone, I’m just sad that this seems to keep happening - having friends that take advantage of my (not saying I’m great but kind nature), I’m in a town with no family and thought she was actually a good person. She collects friends with babies or kids so they’ll play with her son and can’t be alone for 2 seconds of the day. She doesn’t get that I’m mad how she generally used everyone - lining people up then crossing them off for her fucking play dates, thinking I do nothing with my time but wait for her and want to message her back constantly. I had my suspicions before but wish I never said anything to keep the peace, I’ll see all her friends at kids classes and no doubt her again and feel sick to my stomach in general.",0.9809,positive,furious 3114,depressed,Finally spoke up that I don’t appreciate my “best friend” using me as a backup when other ppl cancel on her and her telling me about it. She responded with immediate rage telling me everything she’s ever done for me (wtf I’ve done more for her) and didn’t acknowledge anything.,listener_1,2,"That's honestly one of my fears, confronting people about using me as their back up. In all honesty, I wish I could make the pain go away for you. I wish I had an answer, but I don't. Hopefully it helped you to get this off your chest. All I can say is to keep pushing forward, and leave people like her in your past.",0.3639,positive,trusting 3114,depressed,Finally spoke up that I don’t appreciate my “best friend” using me as a backup when other ppl cancel on her and her telling me about it. She responded with immediate rage telling me everything she’s ever done for me (wtf I’ve done more for her) and didn’t acknowledge anything.,speaker,3,"Thank you. It means a lot because I’ve never felt this bad over a friend before. Confronting her was one of my fears too (always has been with anybody my whole life) and I was going to never bring it up but it got to a point where it was happening constantly and it was this in addition to her fake using of everyone that I saw and treating me worse than randoms she met yesterday calling them “best friends” that I just couldn’t do it anymore. She is psycho and I thought she was intelligent and just a bit odd before, but it’s shocking and the gaslighting she’s done has made me question even confronting her about it but I know that’s just her manipulation. If it got to a bad point for you with a friend, it sucks so hard and I haven’t eaten in 3 days and in constant tears from the shock of what a terrible person she really is but at least I’m off her bullshit merry go round of “a billion interchangeable best friends”, and you would be too if you happened to need to get it off your chest to your user friend/s💌 Guess it’s the bigger picture of having friends like this in the past too, always having friends let me down and I’m not saying I’m perfect but I sure as fuck have been a good friend and haven’t done anything wrong. I’ve totally given up on friends, just me and my husband and kid. I’m an introvert naturally but feel like I’m letting my kid down with not having more friends for his sake. She’s totally mistaken all these acquaintances are her best friends and hope she realises but she never will. I’m glad I know what kind of person she is now though as opposed to 10 years down the track, but I still have to deal with the pain.",-0.0835,negative,trusting 3114,depressed,Finally spoke up that I don’t appreciate my “best friend” using me as a backup when other ppl cancel on her and her telling me about it. She responded with immediate rage telling me everything she’s ever done for me (wtf I’ve done more for her) and didn’t acknowledge anything.,speaker,4,"Wow, glad you got out of that toxic situation, especially being around her boyfriend. Not a nice feeling to be treated second best or as an afterthought, so I’m happy you don’t have to be anymore. Really messed up when friends like these people’s actions are completely different to their words on how much they love you (never been comfortable with that to begin with anyway) but they’ll be nicer/do more things for other people than you. It actually makes you question everything and when she gaslit me I thought I was crazy and should have never dared brought anything up to her, so thanks for letting me know I don’t need her pulling me down.",0.9072,positive,acknowledging 3114,depressed,Finally spoke up that I don’t appreciate my “best friend” using me as a backup when other ppl cancel on her and her telling me about it. She responded with immediate rage telling me everything she’s ever done for me (wtf I’ve done more for her) and didn’t acknowledge anything.,listener_2,5,"If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please do not hesitate to talk to someone. **US:** Call 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741-741 **Non-US:** [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines) --- ^^I ^^am ^^a ^^bot. ^^Feedback ^^appreciated.",0.2297,positive,apprehensive 3115,depressed,I feel so worthless,speaker,1,I have no one. All I do everyday is cry. I’ve lost all hope. No matter what I do I just can’t seem to get happy. Nothing has worked. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just feel so lost in this world. Like I don’t belong.,-0.1444,negative,lonely 3115,depressed,I feel so worthless,listener_1,2,Do you feel worthless because of isolation?,-0.6808,negative,questioning 3115,depressed,I feel so worthless,speaker,3,That’s part of it. I also feel like nothing I do is every right. I always end up falling short and feeling like a failure.,0.1531,positive,ashamed 3115,depressed,I feel so worthless,listener_1,4,trying your best is a success in itself though. That's one way to look at it.,0.836,positive,neutral 3115,depressed,I feel so worthless,listener_2,5,So nicely said :),0.7548,positive,acknowledging 3116,depressed,Living in France alone currently and feeling very depressed and anxious?,speaker,1,"Hi there, I'm currently doing a program called TAPIF in France to be an English language assistant, and was placed in Boulogne Sur Mer. I got here in late September and it took me a month to find an apartment so I lived with one of the teachers from the school. I've encountered so many problems, lived without electricity, without Wifi for 2 months and am basically making no money with this program. It ends at the end of April and there are a couple of other assistants in this city but for the most part I feel entirely alone. I live in a tiny studio by myself and I usually do nothing but watch Netflix and drink wine/beer by myself when I get home after being at the schools I work at. There aren't too many places to go out here or explore at night and it's very sketchy here anyway. I want to do more traveling but am worried about my finances now, since I saved up a lot before coming, but most of what I use are my savings since we only make 800 euros per month (which is not livable). I'm trying to plan weekend trips but with the strikes that becomes basically impossible...and I just feel like I need more excitement in my life. Being a teacher assistant is also very emotionally draining since I'm treated as a teacher even though I have no experience, and I feel like I haven't laughed or genuinely smiled in awhile. I just feel very alone and empty right now, and end up eating a lot because of that...and not doing anything to better myself. I think I just need more activities for self-care or self-improvement so I don't always focus on the negative. So if people have suggestions please let me know :)",0.6962,positive,devastated 3116,depressed,Living in France alone currently and feeling very depressed and anxious?,listener_1,2,"In all honesty, is it worth staying given how you are feeling? What are you gaining by staying there? You seem to be stuck and isolated from any type of activity or distraction. And it doesn't seem to be bringing you any fulfillment. Is there another city you can be transferred to? ESL programs abroad are everywhere so if this isn't what you are looking for, there are endless other options which may be compatible for credit if that's what you need.",0.6848,positive,questioning 3116,depressed,Living in France alone currently and feeling very depressed and anxious?,speaker,3,"Yeah that's true I've thought about leaving many times recently. From what I've heard about this program, everyone struggles financially too and it's really bad. It's tough because I want to do a good job but I get NO SUPPORT from anyone and it feels like the teachers I help don't give a shit what I do. We aren't really able to be transferred and that would just be too complicated with my living situation...it's super complicated to live in France and you need to give like a month's advance notice :( Anyway I'll think about leaving early, just don't have a plan for what's next either.",0.8865,positive,agreeing 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",speaker,1,"I work as an ER scribe. Started about 2 months ago. With the exception of the department head, I have overhead ever single doctor and nurse here actively talk trash about patients with mental disorders. Hell, even if you aren’t there for mental issues, your med list and psych history are heavily scrutinized. Your stories will be treated with extreme skepticism. Details you think relevant will be left out of your reports entirely and owed to you being “crazy”. I have been asked repeatedly to remove details patients stressed repeatedly in the exam room. Might as well have not even said it. A complete waste of breath. Already pretty jaded about healthcare before, this experience has only made me even more so. If you have a trusted psychiatrist or therapist, deal with them. Don’t bother with the ER. You will only be mocked behind your back. If a chest x-ray or routine bloodwork can’t diagnose your problem, you’re probably better off with a specialist.",-0.8173,negative,annoyed 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_1,2,"Doesn’t surprise me. I’ve had negative experiences in the ER before, personally. It makes me kind of angry thinking about it.",-0.7346,negative,furious 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",speaker,3,"If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_1,4,"To make a long story short...something showed up on my drug test, and they had no interest in helping me after that. I guess it’s my own fault. It’s in the past though.",-0.4552,negative,disappointed 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_2,5,"That's the most unfortunate thing of all! Once a failed drug test and they are judgemental. (most, not all) More than half of the people have drug/drinking problems + mental illnesses. They just tend to forget about that.",-0.9285,negative,disappointed 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",speaker,6,"Yeah, drug users are really put down here. I am forced to edit out 50% of what they say. Sometimes that’s justified but often not. Unless they are Baker Acted, they are basically pushed out the door. Good for your husband! It’s nice to know some healthcare workers care. :-) I try to do my best with the docs. A younger doc was talking crap about the “weird kid” (his words, not mine) who injured himself while weight lifting, I told him he might have been exercising to help with his psychiatric issues (lots of meds and diagnoses). He stoped and said, “Yeah, you might have a point there”. That made my day. I hope he thinks more carefully about similar patients in the future.",0.9854,positive,annoyed 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_1,7,"Yeah...I already wasn’t feeling very good about myself, so being judged just rubbed salt into the wound.",0.5709,positive,neutral 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_2,8,"Good for you! Stick with it. The world needs more people like you! It really takes ""just that one person"" to lift someone up. I work at a psychiatric hospital now and I love it. (most of the time) You'd be surprised how some staff behave behind the patients back too. Sometimes they need reminded why they are there.",0.9074,positive,impressed 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",speaker,9,That’s awesome! Thank you for contributing in such a stressful and badly needed job.,0.126,positive,acknowledging 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_2,10,I hope your in a better spot. Don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed. We all go through through things. Every single one of us! And anyone who purposely shames someone has some terrible issues themselves.,-0.5255,negative,consoling 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_1,11,"I am in a better spot...by my standards, especially. I’ve had to accept that certain things in my life are going to suck, but there are things I have going for me too...so I’ll focus on those.",0.3291,positive,content 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_2,12,Me too. (((((Hug))))) for the day :),0.7269,positive,agreeing 3117,depressed,"Do Not Come to the ER Unless You’re Hurt Physically, Actively Considering Suicide",listener_1,13,Cheers.,0.4767,positive,wishing 3118,depressed,Am I overreacting,speaker,1,"Hey. I'm a teenager. Pretty boring one. A nerd. I like video games. Also I like TV shows. I'm on the verge of entering the ""adult"" world, the magic 18 is coming for me and I can do shit about it. I feel that every single person that I know has more colorful and wilder memories. I had a crush few years ago. When i came out with my feelings towards her, she told me that she didn't even think of me as a close friend. It was heartbreaking, but she didn't do anything wrong. To this day I still think of her and there are many girls that remind me of her. Not only by appearance, just because they exist. Every single time I remind myself of her, I burst into tears. And no, there is no cure for it. I just can't get over her. Don't know why. Stay tuned, it's not over. My family isn't large nor wealthy. It is not the real problem tho. The real problem is the grandmother. I thought of sharing my stories with her on r/entitledparents a year ago, but I think I don't give a shit anymore. This old lady has some serious mental problems, she is aggresive, impulsive, delusional. Me and my parents are living in a 3-room flat with grandparents. They use 2 rooms, we have one. They even use much more space in the fucking fridge, because ""grandpa needs to eat, he's a man"". Not so fair, isn't it? I never had any privacy at all, I am scared of falling asleep because I might say something that I don't want my parents to hear while having a dream. My grandmother broke the promise of making my mom the co-owner of the flat. She doesn't seem to care about the big amount of things we have done for them, renovating this stinky piece of communist eastern european garbage of a flat and so on and so on. She told us, that the flat is going to be turned into a social one after they die. So well, if that's true, I can deny my plans of going to the university because my parents aren't simply able to buy a house or a flat, and they don't have ability to get a loan from the bank anymore. Tl;dr i can be homeless every time of a year I'm aggresive too. Not lonely, I got a few friends. I'm sometimes a dickhead to them, I can see it. They don't like me as much as they liked me few years ago, and it also creates more situations in which I can be a complete asshole and not be able to sense it at the moment. They are dicks too, kinda. I have serious emotional problems. I started to have problems with concentrating. With every day I become more numb, I have a feeling that nobody ever cared about me. Even my own parents didn't want to hear me out when I was younger, they don't want to do it to this day, they always interrupt and treat me like a shit. The cat we have is pretty aggresive too. He likes to sneak and attack my mom or dad. He always goes for their leg, bites it a bit and retreats. I'm the only one who trusts the cat, and the cat seems to love me and trust me back. He always comes for a little rub or scratch, he likes sitting and sleeping on my knees. They think that he is too wild for them and I overheard that they will let him go this summer, they will give the only thing that still keeps me sane to some shelter. There are more and more things I could talk about, being bullied and other things but the post is already too long. As the time passes my thoughts get darker and darker. I never recognized suicide as the right thing to do, but I thought about it for a while. Like, ""what would happen if I did that?"" not ""should I do this?"". I'm very, very, very afraid that some day I will be completely numb, grumpy and ignorant. I see the beginning of this rn. Please reply. Help, tell me that I deserve it, anything. I just need a talk.",0.8192,positive,faithful 3118,depressed,Am I overreacting,listener_1,2,"Hey man, read your comment, sounds heartbreaking, I am a newbie (like really this is my first post) to this site and I respect you. I too have a crush and have known her for about 3 years, I never to expect to have the guts to tell her my feelings and likely never will. I wish I could directly meet you, I'm a few years younger than you and as much as I would like to physically talk to you about your situation and how you feel, I rarely get access to this laptop I basically stole from my parents or get the ability to meet people outside of school. It breaks me to see you like this dude. If I can I'll keep active tabs on this page on *try* to reply **if you see** **this**. I just want to tell you that a lot of people go through this and have respect for you. I too have the feelings you are experiencing right now, my father specifically denies my depression and tells me to grow up. At least you have the grit to confess to her. *Please* don't go down the suicidal path, after 3 attempts, it's simply not worth it. As much as it seems your family hates you, if you go, no matter the stakes they will miss you if you choose to go. Wish I saw this post the second it came up. You are not a bad person and feel **free to judge the kid commenting on your post**.",0.7229,positive,agreeing 3118,depressed,Am I overreacting,listener_1,3,Nice to see your reply mate,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 3118,depressed,Am I overreacting,speaker,4,"Suicide is not the correct way, I know it. I also believe that we are not bad people, but something wants me badly to become bad. Don't lose it, try to stay sane. I will try as well.",-0.7342,negative,faithful 3118,depressed,Am I overreacting,listener_1,5," Nice to see your reply mate, and thanks for your words. Sometimes it's just natural to feel that way. **Wish I was a therapist but alas I am not**, best of luck to you. I really do not know how to professionally deal with the mixture that is those emotions. Usually I just take it out as a tantrum on some object. Do what feels best for you but is also reasonable for others. Again, nice to see your reply. I think I used the reply thing here improperly... sorry about that.",0.0971,positive,wishing 3119,depressed,My mom call the cops on me,speaker,1,My mom called the cops on me My mom calls the cops on me My mom call the cops on me My mom call the cops on me So I just found out that I had this disease and you can check my other post but my mom told me I don’t want you to sit in the couch and we had a big argument and I found out I had herpes it’s a disease that cannot be fix and all of my family cares that they don’t want to receive it I was fucked in the ass but you wait this 17 years ago when I was a kid I was raped when I was a kid this guy put his penis in my butt hole and I don’t know why did he do that I was in church and he told me I was going to put you some lotion just come with me in the bathroom so I was about I was about 10 years old when it happened he took off his pants and my pants put his penis into my butt hole and after 17 years I have got this disease and me and my mom we had an argument and I got so mad because of the past you keep on bringing up the past and my stepdad call the cops on me there was like six cops and this is it my first time with the cop three times the cops was called of me I have a disability and it’s hard for me to focus good and I had an argument with my parents because I cannot hold a job and this is my disability I can’t socialize with people I can’t make any friends and now I was crying in front of the cops and now they have all of my information thanks to my mom all because they didn’t want to get this disease that’s all they care about is not getting herpes My mom has been mad at me now while I don’t know why she hates me and she needs a mental hospital she wants to blame all the past on me and she’s mad because I can’t hold a job the problem is this is my disability it’s hard for me to focus good at all I have ADHD and I have and the problem is side of me and they want me to have a job coach so I can fuck focused at my job and I don’t want to have a job coach I want to be normal I wish I was normal I didn’t ask to be born like this I don’t know why God made my life so fucking hardAnd now the cops came to my home and he said have you ever had any sexual contact I never had sex before except when I was raped when I was a kid 17 years ago maybe this is why I got it And I don’t know why my mom is doing this to me she called the cops on me because I broke the lamp keep on calling me names she’s mad at me because I can’t hold a job I am being bullied at my job and this is why I quit and she knows that I have ADHD and it’s hard for me to focus good I have been bullied also in school I don’t know what to do my mom is getting crazy after crazy after crazy eight cops came to my house and I don’t know why my mom is doing this to me and my stepdad said because I’m a violent guy I am not a valid guy I just want people to treat me know Mom I am sick of tired treating like shit my grandma and my mom had nothing but calling me names I think I’m going to feel now the only reason I’m thinking how I got herpes I was raped 17 years ago some guy fuck me in the ass when I was 10 years old and now I am 27 years old and the cop said look I know you’re going through a lot I’m about to go to whole talk yesterday I was about to get a hot attack because my heart yesterday was fucking killing me and now my mom has the balls to call the cops on me just because she told me not to sit in the living room they only care about the self that’s all they care about it’s not my fault I got this disease I did not choose to be born like this I have so much shit on my mind and now my mom called the cops on me,-0.9981,negative,angry 3119,depressed,My mom call the cops on me,listener_1,2,"People wonder why we have murderers and unfortunately it's because of people like your parents (I don't mean it as a insult to your family) , people who blame others for uncontrollable events and force them away because of it.",-0.9081,negative,disappointed 3119,depressed,My mom call the cops on me,speaker,3, What should I do then,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3119,depressed,My mom call the cops on me,listener_1,4,"Unfortunately, I don't know that. I would suggest getting away from them, hang at a friends place if you can and try to do the things that make you happy. This society only thinks you are a ""success"" if you at a shit job. So if your job is upsetting you then you shouldn't be yelled at just because you quit.",0.34,positive,lonely 3119,depressed,My mom call the cops on me,speaker,5,I have no friends,-0.3724,negative,lonely 3120,depressed,My Spotify got hacked.,speaker,1,I was just listening to music when the song I was listening to all of a sudden stopped and started playing something that I would never listen to. It was being controlled by another iPhone. I kept trying to kick it off but it kept logging back in. After the second time it started talking to me by searching up songs and playing them. All it played was “Fuck you” “go fuck yourself” and “fuck you bitch.” Part of me hopes that it was my ex who logged into my account. I will never forgive myself for hurting her and for not being able to apologize to her. I hope this was her way of expressing her anger towards me. I honestly deserve worse and I wish I could talk to her just so she could express all the pain and hell that I put her through.,-0.9189,negative,annoyed 3120,depressed,My Spotify got hacked.,listener_1,2,"Maybe you should reach out, and apologize. It must be tough, but i think it could help.",0.5499,positive,suggesting 3120,depressed,My Spotify got hacked.,speaker,3,I really wish I could but she wants nothing to do with me. She blocked me all over social media and my phone number. Whenever I see her in school she always walks in the other direction or she moves to be with her friends in order to avoid me. I tried talking to her through a mutual friend but she also blocked them too,0.5854,positive,annoyed 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,speaker,1,"I'm quickly running out of reasons to stay alive. I've dealt with depression my whole life and I've been able to manage it for the most part, but the last year has really taken a toll on me. I can't enjoy anything anymore. I don't joke as much as I used to and I'm too tired to even try and hide the pain. I can have an amazing day where everything goes right, and I still feel hollow. Every laugh, every smile, it all feels fake. I'm exhausted in every way.",-0.8665,negative,sad 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,listener_1,2,Oh buddy similar here. Just say to yourself that the more shitty is your life goin on right now the better it will be in future. (At least i hope so.),0.228,positive,consoling 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,speaker,3,"I honestly try to. Unfortunately as life goes, I've had more bad than good happen and it feels like it keeps getting harder to hold on. I've done so much to try to improve myself, and no matter how much right I do, things just keep going wrong. Right now my only reasons to keep going are my immediate family and my best friend who I live with.",0.8624,positive,faithful 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,listener_1,4,"I know how it sounds but just try to ignore it. What helps me to get over it are my 2 closest friends and sport activities - biking, morning running, walking with my dog. Just keep your head busy. At least it's helping for me, maybe it will help You too.",0.8922,positive,trusting 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,speaker,5,"I do, my main thing at the moment is gaming with my best friend. My ADHD and insomnia don't help though, but I still try.",0.4715,positive,neutral 3121,depressed,I feel so done.,listener_1,6,"For insomnia try to eat 1-2 kiwi before bed and after about month this schould help. Also a cup of bedtime tea (sans caffeine) or milk schould help. For ADHD I dunno. Stay organized, use your phone and ask your roommate to help you be accountable.",0.7964,positive,suggesting 3122,depressed,Please tell me about your experiences with vacation! Do you feel equally or less depressed?,speaker,1,"Do your experiences or feelings of depression stay the same or change when you‘re on vacation (away from home)? Or when you temporarily leave your normal life in some way? I‘m genuinely curious, because when I’m living my ordinary life, I often feel depressed, but when I go elsewhere I immediately feel like a different (and not-depressed) person, and things that usually feel hard become easy again. What are you all‘s experiences with that? Do you think I’m right to conclude that maybe my feelings of depression are in reaction to my day-to-day circumstances as opposed to another more intrinsic/physical/chemical reason? Or is it normal that change can temporarily pull you out of depression but after a while you’d slide back in?",-0.8594,negative,questioning 3122,depressed,Please tell me about your experiences with vacation! Do you feel equally or less depressed?,listener_1,2,"I went to Italy recently, and when I was there I would catch myself in moments of total gratitude. I realized I had nothing to worry or stress about when I was there. My only obligation was to enjoy life, enjoy food, enjoy my friends & the new people I met there. It was the best trip of my life. I suffer from depression and was really going through it hard to the point that I almost didn’t go on this trip. I also felt guilty spending money to go/ like I didn’t deserve this etc etc, all the things our depressed minds tell us. I’m glad I did because it a nice escape for 2 weeks & I came back refreshed and a bit more clear headed on what I needed to accomplish. Sometimes depression gets worse from day to day burnout with work & routines. Treat yourself :)",0.9583,positive,content 3122,depressed,Please tell me about your experiences with vacation! Do you feel equally or less depressed?,speaker,3,"Thank you for your detailed reply! <3 :) That’s so nice that you enjoyed your trip so much and that it made you feel better. I think I know what you mean about the moments of gratitude, and I can also relate to the problem with feeling guilty about spending money even though it would actually help...! Do you think that in your case the “day to day burn out with work & routines” would happen wherever you live, or do you think it also has to do with your specific job, city, etc and it would be better if you changed some stuff...?",0.96,positive,acknowledging 3122,depressed,Please tell me about your experiences with vacation! Do you feel equally or less depressed?,speaker,4,Thanks for letting me know. I hope things keep getting better for you!,0.8398,positive,encouraging 3123,depressed,Why won’t people let me die,speaker,1,I’m unhappy. I’ve never truely been happy. I wish someone would hug me really tight and just say it’s okay to let go. I would be so relieved someone understood. It helps more then “no don’t I can’t live with out you!” Thanks for putting more pressure on me to be stable bc you can’t live with out me. I just want someone who truely understands how much I want to die,0.7556,positive,hopeful 3123,depressed,Why won’t people let me die,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3123,depressed,Why won’t people let me die,speaker,3,"Exactly. I don’t wanna be told “it’s gonna get better” or “look to the future” either. I wanna die because of stuff right now and if That doesn’t get fix I’ll wanna die then to I feel like no one around me as felt the way I’ve felt. I know being on the other end of a suicidal person is scary but I tell them what I wanna hear when I’m that low and it works.. yet no one else seems to comprehend it. Then people wonder why those in need, don’t ask for help...",-0.8126,negative,faithful 3124,depressed,What if,speaker,1,"What if I just died. What if nobody cares. What if I was never loved. What if I'll just become a distant memory. Would anyone care if I was even alive. I don't know anymore, I can't stop thinking about all this shit. If I wasn't even here would people be so much better off? I'm just a disappointment to everyone that meets me, I'm worthless piece of shit in this world. They say you have a reason, they say people care, they say you have a purpose, and they say you'll find love. It just takes time, the time that everybody can stsb you in the back and kick you on the ground. Fuck having a reason, fuck having a purpose, fuck love. All I can see in that fucking mirror is a disgrace. A fucking nobody. Someone who looks like they got all their shit together, but really just falling apart. I've been told when you rebuild yourself you grow stronger, only thing that's gotton stronger is these God damn thoughts of suicide. Just what if, I died tonight. Nobody would actually miss me, absolutely nobody. Give it time, fuck time.. In that time I could end all this shit once and for all. What if, I just pulled the damn trigger...",-0.9899,negative,sad 3124,depressed,What if,listener_1,2,Damn i can relate to this too man like all my thoughts are there,-0.0516,negative,agreeing 3124,depressed,What if,speaker,3,"Dude I hate my fucking thoughts, and myself in general",-0.5719,negative,ashamed 3124,depressed,What if,listener_1,4,Yeah man because of this i have isolated myself people around us surely deserve better than us,0.6908,positive,agreeing 3124,depressed,What if,speaker,5,I went back to just being the old me the quite kid in the back of class,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3125,depressed,Let me drown,speaker,1,"Hey it’s been a wangle since I posted here. Let’s give u done details I have been self harming since 2016 and last year was the worse but best year of my life bc I met someone I care for. This person gave me a reason to live and to keep on going instead of wanting to kill myself. I was planning on killing myself before my 20th birthday this year bc I didn’t want to fucking life. When I met this girl I felt like I had someone who’s there for me etc, but dating someone comes with a whole lot of new problems bc u are paranoid about if they like if they leave u on read u get anxious if they don’t reply bc u worrying that they hate u etc. So yesterday my emotions and shit just came back crashing down bringing back the feeling of wanting to die before I’m 20. I’m failing at school, can’t find a job anywhere. I feel like no one wants me around or even talk to me bc No one even wants to hang out or even meet up during semester break etc so I’m just alone and I just can’t help but feel like I should just break things off with this girl bc I feel if I keep on being with her she’s going to get hurt bc Idk if I can keep on living at all bc it’s too hard and it hurts too much. It be better if I faded from her life and my family bc none of my family wants me around. I want to drown myself in the river near the school so no one can ever find my body or save me. I want to see/hear me struggling to stay afloat as I just drown and die bc when that happens everyone who I have came into contact with me wouldn’t know any difference bc I don’t matter and never will. I’m a fucking worthless fool who shouldn’t be alive at all. Everything would be better off without me in it. I want to see my body drown so ik I don’t have to live this life no more bc I can’t do it. And there’s no point in me in bringing anyone else down with me. So I’m planning on cutting all ties so no one gets hurt by me at all. Better I do this than have people crying over my death. Writing this right now I’m crying bc i have just given up hope on living past this year. Thx for listening to these incoherent thoughts. See u in the darkness.",-0.9979,negative,grateful 3125,depressed,Let me drown,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3125,depressed,Let me drown,speaker,3,"I get where u are coming from, but then if u do that then y are just piggybacking off someone else’s happiness to make u happy. I have tried to do this before but it doesn’t work bc once u can’t make someone smile u get even more depressed and u feel like u worthless and feel u should just go and jump off a bridge.",0.8276,positive,neutral 3126,depressed,How do you deal with accurate reasons to be depressed? 30/F,speaker,1,"I know this is gonna be harsh but I envy people who are depressed without a reason. They probably just need a medication and therapy to get better. I can't do that as it won't change anything. At best, I will just stop caring about my shitty life. Here are all \[ot just half\] of the reasons why I don't wanna live anymore. CHILDHOOD Fucked up, I was beaten, screamed at, my parents should have divorced years ago. It was toxic and made me angsty, insecure, socially disabled girl. No real friends, I have always talked to myself and my imaginary boyfriends or friends and I still do. Once I finally left for college I felt lost. I stopped feeling constant fear but had no mental resources to make any real friends or relationships. I have experienced multiple rejections \[emotional, romantic, career-related\] at this stage of life and never got over it. The only thing I was good at was school. Nobody gives a shit about you if you are no trouble maker, just a moderately talented, extremly shy girl. I was so alone and disscociated I could talk to myself for hours. We were poor so no fancy clothes, holidays, family activities or any experiences a normal teenager should have. My parents tried hard at that point, and I don't wanna blame them, but finally poverty got to them and they just destroyed their relationship and whole family. They have never taught me how to be a productive, active person with goals and a talent for earning money. I come home twice a year, for a day or two. I know they are hurt, but I am so sick of their yells and constant humiliation. RELATIONSHIPS I've been rejected by people I was in love with. I am just too ugly, too weird, too shy. I confessed being bisexual to my parents and it was a living hell. I have never mentioned it again. My first and only relationship started when I was 23 - we're now engaged but I don't wanna get married \[no money for it, too much anxiety over family issues, difficiulties with taking responsibility and organizing anything, I literally cry when I think about it.\] Simple, low-cost wedding is out of question - his family wants a real party. So we're getting noweher, it just stalemate. Now I have crushes for fictional characters and I still long after one person I was really infatuated with. I and my fiancee were happy but now I think I just desperately wanted to be with someone after my severe breakdown related to lack of any romantic relationship. I had no money, no chances for a job or place to live and I felt so unhappy and lost that he was a real savior. Wonderful man, true gentleman. He just doesn't know how to deal with my depression anymore and it starts to affect him. We are living together for over 5 years and I don't wanna end this as we do have so much in common and, let's face it, it's just easier for someone so severely depressed to be dependent. I know I am cruel but without him I'd be long since dead. I do have some people who wanna see me and meet up but I no longer can catch up with them finacially, emotionally, in terms of having a nice job, home, children. I don't wanna see their success as it only hurts me more. WORK/CAREER I am 30 years old, working in a shitty recruitment outsouring office I hate. I hate everything about this job and I can't change it. I tried to find a job for over 3 years after I finished my useless master degree and no luck. I tried applying my dream jobs, I tried to be a freelance copywriter, I tried to have a blog with some income. I just wasn't good enough for any of those and if not for my former colleague I would not be accepted here as well. I can't and don't want to be promoted as I barely stand my current duties. I am financially dependent on my fiancee as I would not be able to pay for my place without him. I earn very little comparing to my co-workers because I don't have strenght, motivation and courage to ask for a raise or to constantly change jobs. GOALS As mentioned above I have no career goals. Any other ones are just out of my reach. I feel like having a constant fatigue syndrome. Add social anxiety and travelling & going out is nearly impossible. I wish I could travel and see some world, but I cry and get scared off at the moment of booking plane tickets. I have actually been away for a few days and it was scary as hell, I came back so stresssed out. I wish I could have a home or an apartment but I don't have money. I'd love to be a housekeeper, to pick up decor, furniture, wall paint, to make a home. We are saving up for years and fucking prices just get up higher and higher. Every year our goal is getting further away. I live in a shitty, old, one room apartment and we can't even rent up something better because then we couldn't save cash anymore. I am 30 years old with little chances to get married or have a home so I gave up hope for a baby as well. We can't afford wedding and apartment, how can we afford a baby? After all I am a fucked up adult kid myself, how could I be a good mother for someone else? LOOKS/ Other issues I have no energy, no motivation all I do for years is playing games in my free time. I can't force myself into some sort of effort to do anything else. I tried some easy going sports, I gave up after a day or two. I got fat, and I have still not overcome my teenage insecurities. I hate my body as well which impacts my sex life and social life. I have never had an orgasm with my partner and I've stopped trying. I feel extremly weak, physically and mentally and I hear people telling me this as well. You're lazy, you are not resilient, you're neurotic. You want an easy life. I have a perfectionist OCD. I am no longer surprised or disappointed when something in my life blows up. What did you expect, you stupid bitch? You're a failure, it's just another one. I wish I could reload my life as a different character. I've been living so long with depression, neuroses and anxiety that I don't want to know who I'd be without them. Definitely not myself. I have my first psychiatrist appointment within a few weeks and I hope he'll just give me meds that will make me indifferent. I hope I won't run away. It's fucking expensive but I decided either that or I will kill myself. He can't change my shitty life and I can't change it.",-0.9993,negative,sad 3127,depressed,How do you cope with your depression?,speaker,1,"Meditation, marijuana, exercise?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3127,depressed,How do you cope with your depression?,listener_1,2,Vicodin but it’s really expensive,0.0,neutral,neutral 3127,depressed,How do you cope with your depression?,speaker,3,Thanks.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3127,depressed,How do you cope with your depression?,speaker,4,What rank are you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3128,depressed,i’m not doing good,speaker,1,"My friend has noticed that i’m off. He always told me that i always seem depressed but you know.. in a kinda funny way so i don’t get “mad”. Today at school he told me that he thinks i’m depressed and he really hopes i’m not. I immediately started crying in the lesson, hopefully no one noticed except him. He dmed me later today and asked if i really need help i can always count on him and it really sounded nice but i just can’t talk to him about this one. I trust him with my life, he knows all my secrets and i know his and he’s the sweetest person alive but i just can’t do it. I really feel helpless today. I have bad thoughts. And sometimes when i think about killing myself i just feel relief in my head, in my stomach. I can’t explain it. I don’t know if i’m depressed or not.. But i have these kind of thoughts and i can’t help it. I just feel bad that he gets sad when i’m not good, or when he watches me cry my heart breaks because he wants what’s best for me and i just can’t.",-0.248,negative,embarrassed 3128,depressed,i’m not doing good,listener_1,2,"This is not about your friend. Rewrite this for yourself with how *you* are feeling. Not how you want your friend to feel about you or how sweet he is, etc.",0.5927,positive,jealous 3128,depressed,i’m not doing good,speaker,3,"thanks for replying. I tried to do that but i can’t. The only thing i can feel good about anymore is for my friends and family. I can’t talk to myself like that, i just can’t do it.",0.9217,positive,ashamed 3128,depressed,i’m not doing good,listener_1,4,"Start with a journal for yourself. Just write how you feel. Don't worry about it making sense. You can write phrases, cut out words from a magazine, draw how you feel, etc. Start small and eventually you will be able to start seeing yourself in all that which leads to being able to talk about yourself. To get help, you will need to tell others how you feel. This is a way to start.",0.4599,positive,confident 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",speaker,1,So currently I haven’t been eating that much. I feel distant from my girlfriend and constantly think of breaking up with her. Not only that but my dad is suffering from diabetes and he’s not taking care of himself and I’m afraid something drastic might happen to him. I’ve lost interest in everything I do. I do everything bc I signed up for it. I feel ugly and shitty out of nowhere. I can’t focus on my school work bc I can’t bring myself to care. I don’t know if I’m depressed bc I’m just a teen and maybe it’s just puberty or whatever. I’m not ever anxious or feel awkward. Does anyone have an explain for as to why I feel like I don’t have interest in anything and why I can never bring myself to eat. I feel hunger but when I think about eating food I lose my appetite.,-0.9396,negative,guilty 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",listener_1,2,"My appetite is connected to my stress/anxiety/depression situation. It is also with my sister and my grandfather was hospitalized for a combination of emotional breakdown/not eating -- so could be a genetic connection whoknows. *LOTS* of things both good and bad trigger me to skip a meal, or want to -- I've been working on it the last 5 years or so, trying to never skip meals anymore because I am very underweight. You ask ""why?"" But you may never discover exactly why. I'm 40, I still can't answer why I am this way. But I've learned that working out at the gym helps a lot, it helps me all week long stay on a good eating schedule.",0.8957,positive,guilty 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",speaker,3,I workout. I’ve lost 4 pounds in like a week. I’m on the football team so I workout and take protein regularly.,0.0516,positive,confident 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",listener_1,4,"*OOOOOOOHhhhhhhhh....* well then. I have a lot of other thoughts. 1, I do believe in the concept of ""hard gainers."" That is, people who for a variety of reasons gain weight with more difficulty than others. Low appetite/just not eating enough may be the #1 problem of hard gainers -- I made up that stat, but I've spent a lot of time on fitness/weight training spaces on the Internet, so it's an informed opinion. 2, count your blessing. Overweight is an overwhelming public health catastrophe right now and you may be virtually impervious to this. So.... 3, going overboard on weight gain/loss is always a bad idea, especially when you are young. High school wrestling, and the weigh-in ritual, is especially bad, but if you have to gain weight to get a coveted spot on the football team this isn't so great either. The reason is that erratic eating patterns when you are young can boomerang and just blow up in your face and cause you to become someone who gains weight easily. A crush I had in high school wrestled in the 154 weight category and had to diet *a lot* to get down there. He's a very round, very high body fat person today. I would be very cautious if I were you and avoid extremes in dieting and weight change.",-0.9614,negative,agreeing 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",speaker,5,"You see the problem is that I feel like I’ve lost interest in everything. Lost interest in eating, lost interest in school, in football, in my girlfriend, in anything I used to like. And drastic weight loss i feel is just one of the side effects bc I can’t bring myself to want to eat.",0.5267,positive,sad 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",listener_1,6,"ah, well that is called anhedonia. It means you've lost interest or no longer enjoy things you used to. It's a symptom of depression. Can you see a talk therapist ?",-0.6935,negative,questioning 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",speaker,7,I can only wish. I can’t afford one.,0.4019,positive,disappointed 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",listener_1,8,Do you have an intimate friend that you can talk to about these feelings? Make sure to ask their permission -- they may be secretly struggling with their own feelings and may not feel equipped to help you.,0.6597,positive,apprehensive 3129,depressed,"I don’t know what’s wrong with me, can someone explain/help",speaker,9,If I had a friend like that I wouldn’t be on reddit lmao. Though I’m in the process of becoming closer with my friends so I can talk to them. It might be a long ways off.,0.9136,positive,jealous 3130,depressed,Nothing I do Is Right,speaker,1,"I had a whole reply written out for this but just scrapped it because of how exhausting the concept of posting it was. I'll give a little background. I was diagnosed with depression around 12 or 13, after I revealed that I had attempted. A year ago almost, I was diagnosed with high functioning autism and now most of my depression is stemming from it as many of my past pains now have an explanation. Recently, I was unknowingly misgendering a friend of mine but they never told me about, and if they told me the first time, I would've felt awful as I do now and fix my mistakes. Or, just letting me know when their pronouns changed. They didn't, though. They waited until the last time, blocked me on everything, and had my two other friends talk to me about it and say how 'not cool' it is. Even after apologizing, they didn't believe my apology. Many other things, like them angry at me. Which I have always told them that if I ever upset them, please to come tell me. They didn't, and I haven't felt okay since. They cut everything off of me, didn't even let me talk or explain. This is an online friend by the way, so it's our only communication. I feel shunned by my other two friends, one of which who I thought would understand as they are also on the spectrum. Situations like this where friends just up and leave make me feel like an awful person. Like I would be better off without all my mental ailments like depression and autism, but I'm burdened with it. I've talked with a different friend about it but I don't want to burden him with it anymore. He has his own struggles going on and I don't like talking about my feelings in the first place. I joined reddit just so I had an outlet.. Just no matter what I try, it's all my fault, only mine. No one else's. I'm not looking for someone to tell me it's all their fault either because it isn't, I did make a mistake and I regret it and apologized, which I would've said directly if they didn't block me on everything. This won't be my last post on this, I'm just a whole bottle of unresolved issues and I apologize for it.",-0.9672,negative,ashamed 3131,depressed,I don’t know why,speaker,1,"I sometimes get random empty, blue feelings I can’t explain. But I feel like I’m fairly normal. I’m getting help. This blue and sad feeling happens occasionally. But I feel like deep inside me like maybe I’m just overreacting and I don’t have depression. I have friends, I eat normally, but I still get the feeling of sadness and depression from time to time. Someone tell me I’m just overreacting or not.",-0.1406,negative,sad 3131,depressed,I don’t know why,listener_1,2,Me too. Do you get sad when awful things happen? Or you might feel like you're missing something good,-0.4404,negative,agreeing 3131,depressed,I don’t know why,speaker,3,"It’s like random, without explanation or it would come from a situation that isn’t good.",0.6597,positive,surprised 3131,depressed,I don’t know why,listener_1,4,"It's always good to have happy memories to think of if that happens. If you think about what times where you get depressed have in common, you can try avoiding whatever is making you depressed. I know how depression feels. Taking better care of yourself can help.",0.4019,positive,sentimental 3132,depressed,Idk what i need,speaker,1,Soo this has been going on for me for years now and this is the first time i guess im attempting to reach out for advice. I've been really happy one day then i just shoot down to being full blown depressed. I haven't felt suicidal or anything that is self harming. I either just don't sleep and overthink things until my brain feels like melted ice cream. I feel like im never gonna be happy with myself no matter how hard i try. As im writing this i feel stupid and worthless. And every day i try to feel better it just hasn't work. I always fall back to the bottom. If you have any questions or advice shoot.,-0.7086,negative,apprehensive 3132,depressed,Idk what i need,listener_1,2,Those are depressive episodes and if they're swapping in and or daily you need to see your doc. Something as simple as a low dose antidepressant and/or mood stabilizer could make a world of diffy. Stay strong my dude 🍻,-0.1027,negative,agreeing 3132,depressed,Idk what i need,speaker,3,Thank you i heard from a few people and ive noticed im going through psychosis. Im gonna need to see the doctor soon for some antipsychotic meds before it gets worse. However knowing my enemy is half the battle so hopefully i will get better soon. Thanks,0.38,positive,encouraging 3132,depressed,Idk what i need,listener_1,4,"It sure is, and it's refreshing to see that mental health is something that people are talking about more and shaming less :) I'm confident that you will feel better soon. Just don't let the initial side effects of the med discourage you, it's temporary! 💪💪💪",0.8093,positive,hopeful 3132,depressed,Idk what i need,listener_2,5,"Hi going through psychosis, I'm Dad👨",0.0,neutral,caring 3133,depressed,It doesn't get better,speaker,1,"I know everyone keeps saying depression gets easier, but it just doesn't. I have no friends, I can't share my problems with anyone, my parents don't understand how tiring mental illness cam be, and I'm constantly overthinking everything. I don't have the courage to kill myself, so I'll have to keep on living like this. And yes, I did try a lot of stuff. I've been to therapy, I've seen a psychiatrist, I've read a LOT of stuff about depression, social anxiety and such in order to find a solution and nothing worked. The only thing I can do is try to keep myself as busy as possible with other activities so that the day goes by faster and hope I can be focused on those activities instead of letting my mind wander. But no, it does not get any better. It's just some bullshit I have to live with that cannot be fixed.",-0.953,negative,faithful 3133,depressed,It doesn't get better,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3133,depressed,It doesn't get better,listener_2,3,"I’m downvoting this, they just call cops who unsurprisingly are too stupid to even comprehend suicide.",-0.836,negative,apprehensive 3133,depressed,It doesn't get better,speaker,4,"I know this platform is good for venting, but still, I really miss the company of someone I can share my problems face to face with and who could just give a hug or a shoulder to cry on",-0.2823,negative,lonely 3133,depressed,It doesn't get better,listener_3,5,"Yeah, no I totally feel you. in fact, losing that person and also learning that what I told them wasn't kept private between us is what pushed me back onto this sub and almost made me relapse. I would /literally/ kill to have a person to be close to and confide with haha",-0.6486,negative,agreeing 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),speaker,1,"I hate this sh*t I’m so done with everything. I’m fine with people, boyfriends, I’m done with feeling like this. I don’t even know what I feel. It’s a mixture between nothing, and so much pain. It’s bullsh*t that anyone can even feel like this. I cut to make myself feel better. I don’t even feel better anymore from it I just do it to try and die. But Ik I’m too scared to kill myself but at the same time I’m waiting for that one thing to set me off. Ik I’m messed up. Everyone tells me. No ones nice to me. I have no friends. I have a boyfriend but he wants to talk to his friends over me anyway. I’m just waiting for him to leave me. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. I can’t even think straight. I can’t concentrate to save my life. I can’t remember anything. I’m supposed to be going back to school I’m a few days but i don’t think I can. I feel so stupid. I don’t know anything. And no one cares. All I have realised throughout my life is no one cares how bad things r for u. Some people pretend to care, then once it gets to much they leave anyway. I don’t see the point in anything. I don’t know y I’m writing this. I didn’t plan writing anything I went onto this 2 seconds later all this is here. I don’t wanna die. But if I have to feel like this. Then I’d rather die (Again idk if this is the right place if no I’m sorry. And idk if that makes sense if not I’m sorry again)",-0.9932,negative,angry 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),speaker,3,Not too old only 15... y?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),listener_2,4,"I had a lot of advice for you but I didn't want to come across to confusing or anything, hence why knowing your age I can compile my advice in a way that's best suited for you. You're so young , please don't underestimate your capacity before you've even began your journey. At 25 I've just realised I am my own best friend (judge me if you want) and I'm finally beginning to grow as a person :)",0.9784,positive,trusting 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),listener_3,5,"this! &#x200B; I have not been truly happy with myself till 23!. im not saying i am now, i still struggle but i wouldn't give up my life for the world! . it gets better as long as you see it through. feel free to come back to this sub. :)",0.8962,positive,neutral 3134,depressed,I’m done (idk if this is the right place to put this if it’s not I’m sorry),speaker,6,Oh ok. And thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 3135,depressed,PLEASE READ! I need help,speaker,1,"On Monday I get to know if I have to repeat class. I missed 3 month of school because I was sick, that’s why I have bad grades and it could be that I need to repeat. The issue is that the students in the class I ‘d get in bully each other. I’ve been bullied/teased for 3 years. The class I’m in at the moment is the nicest class since elementary school. Nobody teases me. I love them. I wrote my last exam last week on Monday. Since then I cry almost every night because I’m afraid I might need to repeat class and there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s such a mess. I don’t want to get into a class which bullies me like the previous one. I’m scared. I don’t want to leave them. Since I wrote my last exam and can’t change my grades anymore I’ve stayed at home since last Tuesday because I can’t bare go to school. Whenever I tried to go to school I felt too stressed, I even felt dizzy, my heart started to race, it’s just too much. When I think of what it would be like if I really need to repeat class, when I think of the last day of my current class, and can’t help but cry. Any ideas how I can get through this? Staying at home helped a little, I can distract me quite well.",-0.7363,negative,apprehensive 3135,depressed,PLEASE READ! I need help,listener_1,2,"Distractions are nice for a while but you need to confront this. If you can't change anything about the outcome now theres no point in stressing over that part. If you need something to do, figure out your next steps for if you do have to repeat. Don't sit and wait. Take hold of things. You got this. I'm 26 and dropped university after 1 year. I felt like a failure and a waste of space. It took a long time for me to realize that theres no deadline in life except death. If you have to repeat you have to repeat. Do it. Get through it. Move on. The people dont matter. Make connections with the good ones, brush the assholes off. All of this is, of course, easier said than done. Everything in life takes work. Especially your mental health. It can't take a backseat. Take care of yourself.",-0.935,negative,ashamed 3135,depressed,PLEASE READ! I need help,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3135,depressed,Empty,listener_2,1," Long story short i'm still on my depression meds for about 2 years (almost)... I nearly died last year, and was hopeless... Today i feel like shit, i gained a lot of weight through all of this mess, and now i feel miserable. And i eat to try to feel better... But i know that it won't fill this emptyness that i feel in my chest. I looked at myself in the mirror and saw how big I am, I didn't cry because I'm used to it. I have always battled with my weight, and now I'm the heaviest I have ever been... D",-0.7027,negative,sad 3135,depressed,Empty,listener_3,2,"Sweetheart, think about trying to have the spiritual energy needed to exercise and do a healthy meal plan. Personally I have always been skinny my whole life and three years ago I battled an addiction to an illicit stimulant that made me even skinnier. I was hot as hell. When I stopped, over the next three years I gained some weight on my belly and like I could never be considered fat but it does bother me because I use to never have it and now I’m trying to do the advice I’ve given to you to have the positive energy in my soul enough to work out and eat better. Eating better is easier than working out but the combo is the only thing that can help this sort of thing we are speaking about here. I want abs again one day and not a little Buddha belly. Lol.",0.9797,positive,jealous 3135,depressed,Empty,listener_2,3,"For me the thing that is ""hard"" is my meal prep but i can do it, exercise for me is everything, i love it, just need to do it..... Thank u so much♡ Such an sincere comment, thank u ♡",0.9489,positive,wishing 3136,depressed,I Cant escape my black mom!! I think she doing voodoo on me!!,speaker,1," I'm a 32 y.o. blk male from Detroit.. I currently live with mom in my grandparents house and it has been absolutely hell for me! I will make this short and simple. When i younger i got knocked into a coma literally by her thug boyfriend at the time (my brother dad) I guess she felt like i made her look like a bad parent to the family because i was in the hospital for months as a kid maybe around 3 y.o. she waited patiently till all the commotion died down about me being in the hospital, then she began to impose her wrath on me. When ever i smiled she frowned, when ever I became happy she would bring sumthing up negative and create chores based on my happiness level. I remember once i had to wash for school , iwas tired so i layed on the floor, she said i know ur not washing I dnt hear and water splashing!! Even as a kid i knew sumthing was wrong with that. i knew she was crazy but dam, she even commented about not hearing my urine hit the water when i urinated (i was nervous cause i knew she was listening) she ended up with no job and her jealousy and hate increased, she was down my neck about every step i made Literally, maybe im walking to fast thru the house or i closed the door too loud. She began tellin me i would never equate to friends. I remember once Someone drunk sum of her juice and she boasted that who ever drank her juice also swallowed the spit she put in it. traumatizing to an 8 y.o. child, till this day im scared she spits in my food. Some people would argue she only cares. Thats a lie, The only time i seen her work is when another man like the plumber came over. then she finally got out the bed. I mean we had no heat, no food or a place to stay, that didnt motivate her, but sum random guy did FOH I couldnt bring women around.. ive been tryin for years to get TF away from here. I almost died several times doing so, but i end up right back with her evil ass laugh at my failure. She screams my name to the top of lungs, without regard if im a grown man or not, if u ever seen The Movie: Precious.. u know what im talking about. Quick reminder This is my grandparents property but in her mind its HERS. Most ppl say move out. I have tried that plenty of times and the implodes on me. then i come back in worse shape, than before. I feel atuck, i feel like she won because now im 32 and she still over me like a handler, and she have no shame. First time i left, i loss everything, 2nd time i left, i loss everything, 3rd time i lef,t i loss everything. I came back home got pistol whipped and robbed, bought a gun (legaly)l to protect myself (open carry) got arrested for that gun because they said i couldnt open carry in a vehicle i had rented for 1 fckin day, so now the judge has forced me to stay in Detroit for another 2yrs, If i pay rent in detroit then i will be broke and cant move out of town. I work from home so now im doubled FCKED!!! I trade stocks. so if i have a loss of funds im not feeling well, but that doesnt mean she gives af. Im still getting yelled at like a little fckin kid, im tryin to invest and build for my future. I no better than to have company in the house (thats not hers) I was in my car with my ex-friend, she called me screaming about why im in the car with another man (Making gay accusations) he looked at me and left asap.. Im a devalued boy with no confidence, and she love stepping on me putting me back in my place any chance she gets. i could on & on about me being less than, but now im permanently locked here by the govt.. My heart aches and my stomach winds of sickness, i loss my appetite and my soul. i wish it was sumthing i could do,but now im 32 i wasted my life being her B-tch boy. I stare at my shotgun, thinkin about how quick it would be, then i wont notice the blowback from the shell",-0.9958,negative,devastated 3136,depressed,I Cant escape my black mom!! I think she doing voodoo on me!!,listener_1,2,Oh my god.,0.2732,positive,devastated 3136,depressed,I Cant escape my black mom!! I think she doing voodoo on me!!,listener_2,3,oh my GOD,0.4278,positive,neutral 3137,depressed,honestly just super low rn and idk why,speaker,1,"i just came to vent. feeling pretty low. idk why really but probably a mix of insecurities and being so clingy and overly attached to my friends. the second im alone and have no one to talk to, my brain goes into overdrive and makes me SAD. i will probably reread falling towards the moon (great book btw) and listen to sad music. i love life!",-0.3381,negative,sad 3137,depressed,honestly just super low rn and idk why,listener_1,2,"can relate, but i dont really have friends",-0.5632,negative,neutral 3137,depressed,honestly just super low rn and idk why,listener_2,3,"Hi just watching netflix and playing osu mania every day, I'm Dad👨",0.2023,positive,content 3137,depressed,honestly just super low rn and idk why,speaker,4,"thank you (: hope things get better for you as well, no matter what they are.",0.9105,positive,consoling 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,speaker,1,"I made a huge mistake and lost a chunk of money (enough to make me homeless) gambling til about 7am in Vegas. When I got to the car I contemplated just ending it where I was parked. I ended up driving to a secluded park going between should I pull it or not. 1. I was scared I would feel everything 2. I have a family and I just didn’t want them to find me like that I ended up driving myself home because I knew it’d be so selfish of me to leave the ones I love over my own mistake. All I know is that I can bounce back from this. I have to look at the brighter picture and battle through this hardship. I’ve never been so determined to turn my life around because I’ve realized that there are more people that depend on me than I know. Excuse my rant, I just wanted to put this out there because I know somebody out there is feeling the same. Just like many of you I am at the lowest of my lows. But I’ve made it this far what’s the point of giving up?",0.0804,positive,apprehensive 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,listener_1,2,I lost 1200 at a casino that I basically got coerced into going to. It’ll get better.,-0.2263,negative,sad 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,speaker,3,Thanks! I know it will. Except I didn’t get coerced it was my own free will which makes me feel even more like shit,0.4417,positive,agreeing 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,speaker,4,Thank you for this.,0.3612,positive,wishing 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,speaker,5,"I do live for them. Thank you for this. The whole community here has been so supportive it’s given me the will to go on and bounce back. Once again, thank you.",0.7824,positive,grateful 3138,depressed,Almost pulled the trigger 2 days ago.,speaker,6,Thank you so much. I wrote this overnight and waking up to see this today has made me feel so much better that I can help someone out there.,0.8115,positive,grateful 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,1,"I hate being a man so much that the word man I hate so much. I want to transition into a trans woman but everyone thinks I'm crazy and it makes me depressed. Call me androphobic, homophobic or fascist but I just can't get these stereotypes of toxic masculine men and toxic out of my head almost see these people from hallucinations. I really wish I change everything so I conform to society or I will just die and rot away.",-0.9597,negative,sad 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_1,2,I feel super bad for you.. I love being a gay male. It’s awesome. I love men and everything about being one. I actually have a disdainful feeling about FtM transgenders and women in general. They kinda disgust me.,0.8955,positive,caring 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,3,Idk tbh I get along with women more and I do have degree of androphobia (fear of men) and homophobia because of how I was brought up I just want to transition so people can stop calling me gay and associate with such people,-0.6969,negative,afraid 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_2,4,"That sounds a bit like internalized homophobia to me. Are you attracted to men or merely upset about being associated with gay men? A lot of guys struggle to get along with other dudes. If you don’t mind me asking, what about your upbringing predisposed you to this? All in all, I’m still hearing a lot of fleeing the gender identity associated with your biology as apposed to approaching femininity. It’s an important difference, IMO. You may not like the results from transitioning, which is a very long process at best and difficult after puberty.",0.4854,positive,apprehensive 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,5,I'm quite androgynous femme anyway besides I'm 17 and I'm attracted to women romantically but no sexual attraction. I just want hormones to prevent further masculine traits I'm aware of all consequences and how long hormones will kick in,-0.3859,negative,hopeful 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,6,I already looked and know what I am facing all I want is to change myself to a new person who I can accept not a homosexual male who wears skirts and sounds really gay hearing gay men speak makes me go crazy I literally hear them in my head,0.128,positive,terrified 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,7,It will make me happy to transition and finally be free so no one shouts 'hey faggot' at me because if no one who can't conform is automatically deemed as sinners and freaks,-0.4341,negative,joyful 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_2,8,"Keep in mind that transitioning doesn’t always work. It can be hard to pass. Harassment may increase, not decrease, after.",-0.3818,negative,consoling 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,9,Okay I'm aware of that but that's for people who don't pass is a sinner however I'm fine with my face since I look like my older sister I know it will work well for me,0.8201,positive,jealous 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_2,10,Okay. Good luck.,0.7783,positive,wishing 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,11,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,12,Well you will never understand how it's like to be looked as gay even though I like biological women in a romantic sense but quite asexual or autosexual at least I'm encouraging myself to be but I still have need to reproduce it's the only way to keep my last name and blood alive you can be gay all you want but you and me are not the same yeah trans women are biologically male I agree but that doesn't mean all of them are homosexual trans women and women are different in biological sense but society see us the same depending on how we pass gender and gender roles have been important in western culture and should be still there as a reminder of how our social culture is like I don't think it should be enforce but parents/carers have the right to chose their childs destiny it may be wrong but people try and take our children away because they think parent worries about being gay or trans is wrong they have the right to be worried,0.6017,positive,agreeing 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_3,13,"Hi encouraging myself to be but I still have need to reproduce it's the only way to keep my last name and blood alive you can be gay all you want but you and me are not the same yeah trans women are biologically male I agree but that doesn't mean all of them are homosexual trans women and women are different in biological sense but society see us the same depending on how we pass gender and gender roles have been important in western culture and should be still there as a reminder of how our social culture is like I don't think it should be enforce but parents/carers have the right to chose their childs destiny it may be wrong but people try and take our children away because they think parent worries about being gay or trans is wrong they have the right to be worried, I'm Dad👨",-0.5239,negative,agreeing 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",listener_1,14,"No i didn’t mean to come off as not being aware of the issues trans women face and how they feel. I’ve always been huge advocate for trans issues. I’m sorry if I came off that way, I’m just basically nicely saying I’m glad that I’m not going through your struggle and enjoy my gender. I guess that kinda rude but I drank a glass of wine so you know me lol.",0.7308,positive,sympathizing 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,15,People make mistakes time to time now and then I was joking too everything is a joke like this whole world it really makes me laugh being an out cast everywhere is something I used to it and tbh the new me in my head I love it so much,0.9035,positive,embarrassed 3139,depressed,"I hate being looked at as a feminine ""gay"" man or just a man",speaker,16,I can't or I will be branded as a freak and men were never meant to be feminine,-0.4404,negative,ashamed 3140,depressed,This is subreddit is making it worse,speaker,1,"I think I'm gonna leave this subreddit, because its putting ideas into my head that I haven't had before. And of course I dont like hearing others suffering.",-0.6608,negative,sad 3140,depressed,This is subreddit is making it worse,listener_1,2,Do what's best for you. Maybe /r/SeriousConversation is something you may find more helpful if you need help.,0.8748,positive,suggesting 3140,depressed,This is subreddit is making it worse,speaker,3,"Thank you, I will check it out!",0.4199,positive,acknowledging 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,speaker,1,"Hi guys, I just feel like I have to tell someone about this. I‘m 28, an Ivy League grad. I have everything I could want. I‘m very lucky. I have no debt because I paid everything off. I have a roof over my head and food. I’m a bit lonely, but that’s also being an adult. And I‘m depressed. My partner was diagnosed with an incurable cancer not too long ago. It’s really made me question everything. He’s got decades if we are lucky, a few years if we are not. It’s made me really, really sad. And insecure and anxious to the max. And not take care of myself. He‘s a PhD student here at our university. He’s fucking smart. He’s so kind! We live in an Ivy League town and I am surrounded by smart people. I’m talking PhDs in sciences, scholarships, etc. Such as his exes, such as his friends. I’m a humanities grad with no real hard skills and although I am doing pretty okay now that I have a job, I know I never used my full abilities. I don’t think I deserved my place in my undergrad anyway. I compare myself to his friends, they are all scientists and doing amazing things. I graduated with a GPA of 3.3. I don’t see any worth in myself and I‘m sad that I have to admit I hate myself. I know this all sound pathetic, when I read this it sounds pathetic as well, but I can’t change the fact I compare myself to all of these people in this town and can’t stop crying. I function, but not very well. I know my self worth is non existent and I see a therapist who tells me that it’s not dependent on academic or professional achievements. I don’t think I am anywhere near enough. Yet rationally I know I am. Yet I sit here and don’t know why I am even here.... and how I got here, really. I just want to get out of this and be happy and normal and proud of myself again. Sorry for this and thank you for reading, it means so much.",0.6829999999999999,positive,content 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,listener_1,2,You're not a failure. You prepared yourself to live in a world that no longer exists or could have existed if the world hadn't become Idiocracy. People these days resent knowledge and expertise.,0.1783,positive,proud 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,speaker,3,Thank you so much for this. I really appreciate what you said. Any advice on working with that voice?,0.6697,positive,questioning 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,listener_2,4,"aah, i'm trying to work on that voice too :)) for me, what helps with the voice is anchoring myself to moments in my life i would never give up. sometimes, i am out walking by myself at night listening to one of my favorite songs, looking at a clear night sky, and i know i would never, ever give that moment up. other times, i have fun with special people in my life, people who are so caring and generous and funny and wonderful, people who i can't believe i have the luck to know, and i know i would never, ever give up my moments with them. even if 99% of my day is shit, i am proud as hell of that remaining 1%. yes, i could've done a million things better. yes, i could've tried harder. but all my flaws and all my mistakes and all my stupidity is, ironically, why i have those little, beautiful moments with amazing people in my life. my flaws are part of the reason i have what i have. i owe what i have to all of me: both my successes and my failures. so i try to embrace my shortcomings more. sorry if that comes off as total bullshit, but it's often what gets me through the day :)) it's so hard right now, but one day at a time :))",0.9368,positive,sentimental 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,speaker,5,Oh my god can I send you a million virtual hugs. Sorry if that sounds creepy. But what you wrote there is just an amazing reminder. Thank you so much. I will try and work on shifting my attention to the good stuff.,0.9413,positive,sympathizing 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,listener_2,6,hell yes!!! i will try hard too :) not creepy at all :) a million virtual hugs back,0.7767,positive,agreeing 3141,depressed,Feeling like a failure,speaker,7,:) that’s good. I hope your day is great today! We’re worthy and deserve everything. I’ll hike 20miles today and 'get away' from it all for a bit. I’ll be thinking of you!,0.9467,positive,encouraging 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,1," I went to watch Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker again because I didn’t really have anything else to do and there was no other interesting movie showing. I was by myself because I don’t have anyone else. The opening title came and I just started crying. During the rest of the movie, I just cried several times, even during parts that weren’t sad. I just wanted to kill myself. The only friend I had (online) left me a month ago, I never had any irl friends, no one wants to talk to me or do anything with me irl, online people just abandon me like always, I even go to friend making channels and hardly anyone responds and the people that do just abandon me. I make posts in depression discords like this and hardly to no one responds. I just don’t get why everyone hates me. Why do I have to suffer like this? I didn’t do anything bad to everyone...",-0.98,negative,lonely 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,3,No it’s not a health problem. What makes me feel bad is the problems I described above,-0.7304,negative,guilty 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_2,4,Does anything make you feel better?,0.4404,positive,questioning 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,5,No,-0.29600000000000004,negative,afraid 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_2,6,It could be a mental health problem. That's why you should tell your doctor. Ask them for a good psychologist.,0.0516,positive,apprehensive 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,7,Professionals don’t help,0.4019,positive,sad 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,8,Just overwatch,0.0,neutral,questioning 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_3,9,On PC or Console?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_4,10,"Play more overwatch and remember you’re not alone, most people have felt like this before and there will be better days, just be patient and don’t feed your sadness, change up routines and look for new things that will make you happy If you don’t try just cause you think it won’t work then you’re dumb :)",0.8418,positive,consoling 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,speaker,11,Pc,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3142,depressed,I cried during Star Wars,listener_3,12,Whats your Gamertag on Battle.net? Maybe we could play later/tomorrow if you want,0.4019,positive,suggesting 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,1,And it fucking sucks.,-0.4201,negative,acknowledging 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,listener_1,2,I think it's because all them people are deas now. : ),0.0,neutral,lonely 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,3,"I don't think so. Cioran didn't do it. It takes determination to actually go through with that, which many people lack. That doesn't mean that there is no need to talk about it without some white knight interfering.",-0.2023,negative,trusting 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,listener_1,4,What are you going on about? Maybe i missunderstood the post. Thought you wanted a sub for people who are positive for suicide. And i said most of them people are dead. But ofc there is people who are not suicidal who support others free will to do what they want.,0.7002,positive,suggesting 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,5,"> support others free will to do what they want. I'm not seeing that, which is kinda the point. It would be nice to be open without someone trying to save you.",0.9062,positive,neutral 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,listener_1,6,They are all over the place... but yeah here you go. Do whatever you want with your body. Want to end it? Your choice to do so. Dont ever put me or another humab the respciblity to help or save you. You want that? Go to a fucking doctor.... was that postive ebough?,0.9266,positive,questioning 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,7,"You are a bit of a cunt, aren't ye?",-0.4939,negative,questioning 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,listener_1,8,"Kinda. So are you. Want someone to pat you're head and sooth you on your fantasies of suicide? No, you sound like someone who wants attention and has no clue. I would never talk to a suicidal person like this. Quit you're ""positive suicide idea"".",-0.8194,negative,acknowledging 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,9,"You actually helping me get over it, because right now, I'd much rather see you die.",-0.4019,negative,grateful 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,listener_1,10,"That's cool. I don't want to see anyone die. But understand that people will do what they need to do. As long as it don't effect others. Don't look for a reason to live based on others. It's selfish. No one wants to be around people like that. Life is short and if you can't love yourself to enjoy it then do what you need to do. ""positive suicide"" is just so much emo cringe.",-0.8027,negative,acknowledging 3143,depressed,There is no suicide positivity reddit,speaker,11,Go fuck yourself.,-0.5423,negative,angry 3144,depressed,I so lonely,speaker,1,"Im 17 and in my old school I used to be kinda popular ( I joined that school when i was 5 and left it it when I became 14) I joined my old school so early that i dont even remember how I made my first friend when I left and joined my current school I had 0 socializing skills so I just automatically became the silent kid and inside I am soo wanting to have friends but people think I am introvert but in reality inside I am not. I Joined this school 2 years ago so all these popular guys I wanna be friends with them but they think I am introvert so if I talk now it will be wierd but they very similar interests as me.we all like anime (but they dont know we share interests cuz i dint talk with them) and we are fellow redditors but they dont know i am on reddit. If u see r/memes u know what ""normie"" means it kinda a means a guy who is not up with current trends,they call me normie but deep down i actually know im not cuz im actually 3 years old in reddit (this alt account so my parents dont see this post) I want to be friends with them. I also am worried if my much anticipated college life might also be wasted like this",0.9649,positive,lonely 3144,depressed,I so lonely,listener_1,2,"School is not the end of life. Not having a few friends in school is not a life wasted. Your life has inherent value and is not suddenly given meaning when you have friends. It's nice to have friends, I agree but it's not the end of the world. You are young and have loads of time to make friends going forward. Also, there is no such thing that introverts can't have friends. In fact introverts are the best kinds of friends. They maintain their friendships and make sure they add value with every relationship. It's not just about going out or hanging out. It's about connection. Introverts are slow to start, but that's just because they take a bit of time to trust. Once they are sure they can... Boom! You have a fast friend. I also think there's nothing wrong with being a normie either but explaining that to a bunch of high school kids is a chore and a half. Think about what the definition of a friend is for you. Is it someone you share personal stuff with? Someone always available for hangouts? Someone willing to help you work all the time? Etc. That will give you an idea of what you need to do. But if you really just want to talk to people, then just do that. Talk to them. It takes time to break into high school cliques, but then maybe you don't have to break into it. Talk with one of the people in the clique. Discuss homework or ask if a particular teacher has always been a troll. Talk with someone you feel is trustworthy. They may break your trust. But that should just help you enhance your trudar (trusting radar, yes I'm an old person). Focus on extra curricular activities like plays, debates, sports, arts... Some activity you enjoy and can bond over with someone. I won't tell you to not be sad. But know that being happy will take effort. And if you even do it bit by bit, you'll see change soon enough.",0.9984,positive,agreeing 3144,depressed,I so lonely,speaker,3,Thnx a lot u dont know how much this means to me,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 3144,depressed,I so lonely,listener_2,4,"Hi an old person), I'm Dad👨",0.0,neutral,ashamed 3144,depressed,I so lonely,listener_1,5,Happy to help. Hit me up on chat or message if you need someone to talk with.,0.7506,positive,joyful 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_3,1,What do you guys consider the meaning of life?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_4,2,"That is a very complicated question that can't be 100% answered, but I can try and give some perspective. The meaning of life is different for each person. The meaning of life isn't one solitary thing. Some people want love, some people want to travel, some people want to be alone, some people want a family, some people just want to create art (music, painting, video games, etc.), some people want all the above or a combination of different things. There are many meanings of life and it vary's so much between each person. Some people find their meaning in religion, others don't. That's the beauty of humans, we're all so different and have our own set of motivations that it's a real shame that we often isolate ourselves and never learn more about other people, other cultures. The real question here is, what is the meaning of life to you? That is the question you should be asking yourself. Getting back to your actual question, my meaning of life is to be happy. Have a family, find love, have a few friends, and live a comfortable existence. Many people have what I want and it has eluded me so far. I have an unfortunate tendency that I have noticed in myself, I tend to fall for the ones I can never have. This probably doesn't help much, but know that I am rooting for you. Don't let your dreams be dreams, make them a reality. We only have one life, best use it to it's full potential. Keep pushing, keep fighting. You're strong. I hope you have a lovely day/night :)",0.9905,positive,neutral 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_3,3,isn't that basically relativism?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_4,4,"I'm not very familiar with the ideology of relativism if I'm being honest, but google gave me a small amount to go on. All I was saying is that each persons meaning of life is different depending on the individual and that hopefully you can find yours. Wasn't trying to make an ideological statement or anything like that, but I will try and reflect on what I said and my way of thinking to see if I can learn something from this.",0.8381,positive,neutral 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_3,5,"I meant no offense. I apologize if I came off wrong. Thank you for the response, I will also reflect on what you said.",0.1381,positive,sympathizing 3144,depressed,Struggling,listener_4,6,"No offense taken, friend! Don't worry about it.",0.7676,positive,sympathizing 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,1,"There's just no joy left and i have way too many thoughts and problems, on top of being all alone. I don't want to hear that it'll get better, because that's bullshit. It's only gotten worse. The worst thing is I don't even have the courage to kill myself so I'm forced to live like this. I just pray, even though I don't even believe in God anymore, that I can die in my sleep.",-0.9588,negative,lonely 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,3,"Yes, it is. It is far more inhumane to be living in constant pain rather than to just end it all.",-0.1531,negative,agreeing 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,listener_2,4,"I attempted suicide three times, I nearly died twice, trust me I know how you feel right now, I know what it's like to want everything to just be over, but you need to remember that life isn't all bad, I know it's hard to do but try to think of something that makes you happy.",0.8034,positive,sentimental 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,5,"I'm happy 2 hours a week during my guitar rehearsals. And I wish I wasn't happy even those 2 hours, because after they're done I become miserable again. It would be easier to just be sad all the time",-0.0253,neutral,sad 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,listener_2,6,"It's ok to be sad, if playing guitar makes you happy then maybe you should play whenever you feel REALLY miserable, it might help cheer you up",0.7766,positive,suggesting 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,7,Don't really have anyine to talk to,0.0,neutral,lonely 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,listener_3,8,"You can always talk to people here, but I would highly suggest in hard moments to call a suicide prevention lifeline. It is confidential, free, and there is staff that will listen to you and help you out as much as they can. You just have to do the first step of dialing them, it will not harm you anyway but it helps a lot to talk to someone live. I called them a couple of times, they are super nice and welcoming. Suicide took away 6 of my friends, that made me suicidal. They never thought that someone loves them, or cares about them. They thought that it will make their lives easier, instead it completely destroyed lives of tens of people including mine. I can't go to sleep without pills, I can't look at high buildings. I can barely travel by highways. If you think that no one will notice, you are wrong. There will be a lot of people that will be hugely affected by it.",0.8807,positive,trusting 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,9,What?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,10,"I thought about it, but idk it feels kinda weird. And i would just feel like using up their time. Besides, i need some sort of constant help and I can't just keep calling. And that's why I always avoid telling others, because I know I'm wasting their time. Not that I would have anyone to share my problems with anyway",-0.4497,negative,apprehensive 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,listener_3,11,"It's not weird, those people dedicate their time to help others, to listen to them. You should visit a psychiatrist aswell",0.4970000000000001,positive,suggesting 3145,depressed,Suicide is my only option,speaker,12,"I did a couple of years ago. I told my psychiatrist everything that bothered me and I don't think she understood me completely and then she prescribed me antidepressants. I felt pretty embarassed that I had told someone everything and they treated it like they were just ""teenager"" issues. I took medication for about a year and it was horrible as I became pretty dull and didn't really feel any emotions. I don't wanna go through that again.",0.1027,positive,ashamed 3146,depressed,I’m sinking again,speaker,1,"Lately I’ve been having a really hard time with my depression. I feel very alone and it makes me want to curl up into a ball and die. I thought I was doing better, y’know? I cleaned the house yesterday and showered and did my hair. I kicked ass! But today, I feel like I took 5 steps back. I think part of it is how I feel in my marriage. I feel like I go out of my way, but get nothing in return aside from irritation. Not that I expect anything because I enjoy doing things for my spouse. It is just hard feeling like he is constantly annoyed with me or like I’m doing/saying the wrong thing. It’s probably all in my head, but I can’t help feeling this way, I wish I could go back in time and just relive the time I had with my parents. It wasn’t always great, but it was pretty darn amazing. I just hate the feeling of being alone and I wish I had someone who was there for me and helped me other than my parents. But I guess that’s life and that’s okay. I just hate feeling so down all the time. Thanks for reading.",0.9734,positive,sad 3146,depressed,I’m sinking again,listener_1,2,"I know how you feel. I also feel like I don't get anything in return in my marriage. I always support my spouse in everything they do, but I feel like I don't get the same treatment. I guess it comes down to how jealous I am of my spouse's social. They have so many friends and people to talk and I have none. I guess the best thing we can do is hope for the best each day and hope we can avoid the blackhole of depression. I hope you have a great morning/day/night!",0.9844,positive,jealous 3146,depressed,I’m sinking again,speaker,3,"If you ever need someone to talk to, you can always come to me. I haven’t got many friends either. Thank you! I hope your morning/day/night’s been good to you!",0.8997,positive,wishing 3147,depressed,left out..,speaker,1,"I feel like I’m the only one in my friend group that makes plans but everyone declines becuz they already got plans,I recently asked them to go to the movies and they said no,later I found out that,that same day all of them went out without me",0.431,positive,jealous 3147,depressed,left out..,listener_1,2,"Yeah, thats difficult experience. Like to think everyone been throught it. Love yourself. Find away in life to not feel that.",0.7506,positive,acknowledging 3147,depressed,left out..,listener_2,3,Same!,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3148,depressed,Loser I am.,speaker,1,When I ask 7 friends around and none show up. Nothing more depressing than spending Australia day by myself.,0.6706,positive,lonely 3148,depressed,Loser I am.,listener_1,2,"Rip dude, I feel you. Nothing more heartbreaking when your friends don’t want to hang out with you. :(",0.4934,positive,acknowledging 3148,depressed,Loser I am.,speaker,3,They don't even respond. Or make up excuses. Yet I'm the first to go to their parties when they ask (once in a blue moon),0.4019,positive,faithful 3148,depressed,Loser I am.,listener_2,4,"Remember that your worth is not from others. Your worth comes from yourself. Do what you want to do, even extend invitations, but always just think about it in how you wish to experience it outside of others. Maybe one day they will grow up and want to be a part of your life as well, or you all will walk different ways. You are important, and what you do is no less cool or fun than theirs. They just don't know what they are missing ^^",0.8272,positive,jealous 3148,depressed,Loser I am.,speaker,5,Thanks for the kind words. I just think what's wrong with me that no one even bothers to show up.,0.0516,positive,lonely 3149,depressed,Hopeful.,speaker,1,"I’m taking antidepressants now and I’m even lower than before, I want to quit it all, just stop trying to be happier and positive... I can’t help but keep making others happy and feel good because I can, them smiling and laughing is warm, and that makes me feel like maybe one day it will be myself I make feel good, I will feel happy and good again... I hope so.",0.9926,positive,hopeful 3149,depressed,Hopeful.,listener_1,2,If you have just started taking meds you have to know that it's very common for them to have the opposite effect for some time. If you are now feeling lower than before it's totally normal and it doesn't mean you won't recover in the future. I advise you to still talk with you doctor about it.,-0.1779,negative,agreeing 3149,depressed,Hopeful.,speaker,3,"Okay, thank you. I will.",0.5267,positive,wishing 3150,depressed,Confused,speaker,1,I could be having an amazing time and still be hit with crazy waves of emotion and sadness and just pure self hatred and loathing and just hating my life,-0.9136,negative,sad 3150,depressed,Confused,listener_1,2,Everyone gets sad sometime.,-0.4767,negative,sad 3150,depressed,Confused,speaker,3,It's been a longtime and stuff ain't changing do,0.0,neutral,content 3150,depressed,Confused,listener_2,4,What is long time for you. It took me about 1.5 year to become stable in my mood and felt happy. But it does take its time.,0.4497,positive,surprised 3150,depressed,Confused,speaker,5,It's been almost five years but thanks means alot,0.5927,positive,acknowledging 3150,depressed,Confused,listener_2,6,:) just keep on trying. Don't give up. Sooner or later you will get result. I know it's hard but don't let anything stop you. You have value. Find your own reason to live and it can be legit anything as long as you find happyness in doing it.,0.7377,positive,neutral 3150,depressed,Confused,speaker,7,Yeah it's just hard brotha I'm trying,0.2023,positive,agreeing 3150,depressed,Confused,listener_2,8,Yes it is. Just keep on trying,0.4019,positive,consoling 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,speaker,1,I'm 25 and kinda down today.,0.0,neutral,sad 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,listener_1,2,"Hey there, i might not be all to active for now but if u need someone you can talk to me, whats on your mind?",0.2144,positive,questioning 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,speaker,3,"Hello! It is ok. I myself am in and out of it. I have posted this question many times here and sometimes I just am not able to reply back myself. Going through another rough patch, again. Actually I've can't remember the last time I slept good. Edit: quite a username there",0.4926,positive,embarrassed 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,listener_1,4,Thanks for the name😅 Is There something specific you wanna talk about? Maybe a hobby or something to get your mind to another place?,0.6966,positive,questioning 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,speaker,5,"I have lost my hobbies 😅. I just wanted to make normal talk, too disturbed to think straight.",-0.128,negative,embarrassed 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,listener_1,6,"Oh okay well considering even laying around is a hobby, is there something you like doing?",0.6705,positive,questioning 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,speaker,7,"Nah, I just play games to pass time. Don't enjoy it What about you?",-0.1601,negative,questioning 3151,depressed,Hello. Is there anyone who wants to talk?,listener_2,8,"Try to do at least one chore per day, go for a 5min walk each sunset read a book and do something creative! Like drawing a little, or write what goes through your mind, putting your thoughs into words is extremely helpfull. Hope you get better",0.895,positive,consoling 3152,depressed,"Turn a corner, and it’s downhill all the way",speaker,1,"Just had a fight with my dad which turned a pretty sharp corner when he told me that I was wrong in having him as the source of my depression and that my being depressed was all my fault because he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Had been doing treatment for several months, and I thought I was getting better, but now everything feels downhill from here. Just needed to let this out somewhere but fml",-0.7351,negative,devastated 3152,depressed,"Turn a corner, and it’s downhill all the way",listener_1,2,"fml. up for a chat if you need to vent, or just chat. Best of luck <3",0.802,positive,wishing 3152,depressed,"Turn a corner, and it’s downhill all the way",listener_2,3,Sure what your me,0.3182,positive,confident 3153,depressed,i am so tired,speaker,1,"i'm not sure how much longer i can keep doing this. i wish it would just stop. i feel like i'm slowly but surely rotting away, and nothing i do can stop it",0.3755,positive,sad 3153,depressed,i am so tired,listener_1,2,"Same goes for me but I think it comes from the environment you are in. Right now I'm in an environment where I don't like anything relating to it. That's why I want to leave. What's your environment like, do you feel comfortable in it?",0.7339,positive,questioning 3153,depressed,i am so tired,speaker,3,"I guess I love my environment. I changed a lot of things about my environment, and can confidently say I'm surrounded by people I love. I am passionate about the things I work on, and I should be happy. I just feel like I'm not meant for it. More and more, I feel like no matter what environment in, I'm trapped inside my own depression and my own hell. I'm so scared that I'll never be able to leave. I love my environment, but I'm not comfortable in it :(",-0.2393,negative,lonely 3153,depressed,i am so tired,listener_1,4,"You'll find true happiness I'm sure of that, just don't give up. I've been kinda in the same position as you. I loved everything I was doing but I never was happy. It had been like that for a year but then I found my real purpose in life. You ARE meant for this world. You may have not found the right place, but just keep fighting and with time you'll find it. Everything will be okay at the end of the day I can guarantee you that",0.6432,positive,faithful 3154,depressed,But nobody came...,speaker,1,"I COMPLETELY FUCKED UP. A couple of my friends fucking drove me crazy about battlefield 1. They kept saying ""its multiplayer"". ""We can all play"" and""ypur just to stubborn to get it because all you do with your money is buy food."" I COULDNT FUCKING TAKE IT! I hit up one of my other friends and asked if we could meet up at the mall. Now this may seem weird. I'm a depressed person with no reason to live and doesent really give 2 fucks about life. Cant my frieeends just help me?...... No. Not at all. I used to believe someone could save me from my depression or realize something was wrong because God knows there was no way I could speak out to anybody. (Thats a different story.) GODDAMNT IT ILL ADMIT! I WAS ALWAYS TO AGGRESIVE WITH PEOPLE EVEN THOUGH I DIDNT MEAN TO BE! I WAS SO STUPID THAT IT MADE MY FRIENDS EMBARRASSED AROUND PEOPLE! I EAT TOO MUCH! IM LAZY! IM BISEXUAL!... EVERY ONE OF THOSE THINGS AND A FUCK TON OF MORE REASONS ARE WHAT MAKE MY FRIENDS NOT LIKE ME GODDAMNIT! I FUCKIN GET IT! IM NOT PERFECT! WHEN I WAS YOUNG, TWO OF SIX OF MY FRIENDS WHO WERE SOME OF THE ONLY PEOPLE TO REGULARY HANG OUT WITH ME TREATED ME LIKE MOTHERFUCKING SHIT! I WAS PRACTICALLY THEIR SLAVE BECAUSE I WAS TO SCARED TO FIGHT AND I DIDNT WANT TO LOSE THEM AS FRIENDS! I GREW UP FROM THAT FEELING LIKE A FUCKING MISTAKE THAT NEVER SHPULD HAVE EVER EXISTED AND NOONE FUCKING NEW! AND OOH BOY, THATS ONLY A TINY SLICE OF WHAT'S ERONG WITH ME AND WHY IM DEPRESSED! Anyway, i'm getting off topic. I wanted to hang out at the mall with my other friend. So we met up and I met his friends. We all had a fucking great time until somewhere around 5. I was with one of his friends playing hide and seek. He had two more friends tag along with them. Me and his friend hid in the photo booth for an hour. He and his friends werent too happy with me because the guy I was hiding with apparently had panic attacks. I wasnt really trustes after that and umm, I got a bit nervous knowing I really fucked up and as we all were getting food and I was messing around with my friend and I poked his fucking chest. I want fucking thinking. He was very fragile in that area do to a heart problem he had. He stopped and stood there. It hurt him, not permanently, but it hurt him. His friends were mad at me... And they led him outside. I left and that feeling of being a mistake set in... I had just completely fucked up. I could hear his fruends in my head saying I should just fucking kill myself.. I went, got food, and came back home. The next day.. I was extremely depressed. I felt mentally fucked up from what happened last night and I got nore calls from my other fruends wanting me to get that game. I started feeling horrible. Fucking horrible, I asked one of my friends to meet with me at books a million and said I needed to talk with him. He said uf he had the time sure. I asked someone else, but before I could say why he texted no. I... Finally texted my friend from last night.. He.. Didnt respond... I called him abd he said he was just looking fir his glasses, but I knew he wouldnt be able to make it... So there I sat.. Feeling like I should just kill myself already.. Get it over with.. Noone will or can help. Then wouldnt even beed you anyway.. I just went silent, went to the dollar tree to grab some food and went back home. Today.....im posting on reddit... So at least someone will know I exist and feel some emotion for what's happening.... It's not like my friends will care....",-0.9951,negative,angry 3154,depressed,But nobody came...,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3154,depressed,But nobody came...,speaker,3,Thank you.. Its good to know someone cares.,0.8126,positive,acknowledging 3155,depressed,I need someone to talk to,speaker,1,Please help me,0.6124,positive,hopeful 3155,depressed,I need someone to talk to,listener_1,2,Check dms,0.0,neutral,content 3155,depressed,I need someone to talk to,speaker,3,Nothing,0.0,neutral,lonely 3155,depressed,I need someone to talk to,speaker,4,Notjing,0.0,neutral,afraid 3156,depressed,Why is suicide considered a bad thing?,speaker,1,"I'm sorry if this comes off bad. It's just that everyone says that no one should commit suicide, when it's sometimes just *mathematically* better to end it instead of continuing on with a miserable life. At least that's what my family says. My family including a father that doesn't care about my pain, only about the result and my stepmother who keeps trying to shove my mental disorder into everything I say or do.",-0.9533,negative,ashamed 3156,depressed,Why is suicide considered a bad thing?,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3156,depressed,Why is suicide considered a bad thing?,listener_2,3,Who’s life has really saved by these lines huh like ever ? 😄,0.8777,positive,questioning 3156,depressed,Why is suicide considered a bad thing?,listener_3,4,don't do it please. look ahead to better days. that's what I'm doing too,0.2354,positive,consoling 3157,depressed,I’m asking my doctor to put me in anti depressants tomorrow.,speaker,1,"I’ve gone 3 years without anti depressants or anti anxiety medication since my diagnoses when I was 18. I’ve never taken any medications for it, I’ve never wanted to. I totally understand how others want to or need to use those kinds of medications, but I never wanted to rely on something to make me feel “normal” or somewhat sane. It’s interesting how things change though. I mentioned being reliant on something to help with my depression, but I can’t even fucking rely on myself to make myself feel better. I do what everyone in my life has at one point done to me and that is to let me down. I let myself down all the time. I don’t take care of myself, I don’t give myself the right foods, the right amount of sleep, the right amount of exercise. I just don’t fucking do it, and I don’t know why, and then I wonder why I feel like shit. I guess I’m tired of being let down all the time, even from myself. That being said, I know medication isn’t going to fix everything mentioned above, in fact I have no fucking idea what it will do, if it will even help, but I’m so exhausted of whatever the hell this is. I’m so pissed that I have this thing, so devastated that I have to go through this bullshit for the rest of my life. It is such a burden to myself and those around me, I’M a burden to everyone in my life and I hate it. This is turning into a rant, a depressing ass rant, but I’m currently crying so what should I expect. Long story short: I feel like shit all the time and I’m going to ask my doctor for a prescription for anti depressants.",-0.9972,negative,trusting 3157,depressed,I’m asking my doctor to put me in anti depressants tomorrow.,listener_1,2,"This is an excellent first step. And I applaud you for recognizing they aren't a quick fix or will do the heavy work for you. But what they will do, if you are prescribed the right one, is help bring you to a point where you are functioning enough to tackle the issues in your life. Ideally you want to be in therapy simultaneously. It's how to most effectively help yourself. Just remember, antidepressants are started at a low dose and increased gradually. You won't feel the effects for about 6 weeks. If you don't feel any different by then, or you feel side effects, talk to your doctor about changing meds. Keep a journal of how you feel each day. Sometimes the changes are ama but you can see yourself improving when you read over how you felt a few weeks earlier.",0.975,positive,agreeing 3157,depressed,I’m asking my doctor to put me in anti depressants tomorrow.,speaker,3,"Thanks for this. I’ve been in therapy for almost 3 years now and I’m talking with both doctors about meds. My physician also mentioned that the meds won’t be immediate but gradual. The journal thing is a good idea, I’ll have to do that. Thanks again.",0.8641,positive,wishing 3157,depressed,I’m asking my doctor to put me in anti depressants tomorrow.,listener_1,4,"Good to know you are in therapy. I'll give you a good metaphor I've used before. Imagine being stuck in a hole that is impossible to climb out of. It's too deep, walls have nothing to grab on. This is when you are in your worst depression. Therapy is the rescuers lowering down food and water to keep you alive and going another day. But you are still stuck. Antidepressants are the ladder that get you within a few feet from the top, but not actually to the top. But you're almost there. Now with therapy throwing you food and water, it gives you the strength you need to pull yourself that rest of the way out.",0.4939,positive,trusting 3157,depressed,I’m asking my doctor to put me in anti depressants tomorrow.,speaker,5,Love this analogy,0.6369,positive,impressed 3158,depressed,"more and more, i want to die",speaker,1,"tw: suicide i thought i could fight it. but no matter what i try, i feel myself inching closer and closer to ending it all. i try to stay positive. i try to remember all the beautiful things in my life. but i can't control it, and I feel like there is nothing more i can do. more and more, when i cross the road, i beg for the oncoming car to not pay attention and hit me. more and more, i think about jumping off the bridge right next to my college. i know i'm doing fine. i'm in a good school, i have ok grades (so far, not sure after today :() , i am doing research that i love and i have so many friends that i love. but the voice keeps getting louder and louder and louder. tonight, i might write down plans for the second time. i think i will. oh god. i'm so scared. i'm so, so scared.",0.9819,positive,faithful 3158,depressed,"more and more, i want to die",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3158,depressed,"more and more, i want to die",speaker,3,thank you for your reply. i will try to see what happens. i am just losing hope so fast.,0.4215,positive,encouraging 3159,depressed,Them: what do you want?,speaker,1,Me: Nothing But silently I just want to be happy....,0.7579,positive,content 3159,depressed,Them: what do you want?,listener_1,2,I just want to taste a pickle.,0.0772,positive,disappointed 3159,depressed,Them: what do you want?,speaker,3,Lol want me to ship you some not sure it will be fresh when it comes... also thanks for the laugh,0.8732,positive,acknowledging 3160,depressed,M/27 rough night,speaker,1,Today I had a bad day i woke up with a panic attack and just felt like crap all day i went to the movies but i just feel really empty it's been 11 years since i had a gf or even kissed someone i can't even remember how that feels or even a loving hug or having someone's attention i know os really dumb to think about this but i just feel unwanted all the time and i feel everyone i talked to goes away so fast and it just hurts i feel so alone like im damaged goods or just i feel people only used me when they need me ugh sorry for posting this just don't feel that good probably going to have a depressive episode... Hope everyone is way better than me and that you guys had a great day,-0.6752,negative,lonely 3160,depressed,M/27 rough night,listener_1,2,I hope you’re feeling better now,0.743,positive,consoling 3160,depressed,M/27 rough night,speaker,3,Thank you i'm not that good but thank you friend,0.8223,positive,neutral 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,speaker,1,"what the fuck is up bitchhhh. haha and btw if you's on your cutting spree stop it. ik you like the pain or you like the blood flowing but stop. do it later. haha anyways my name doesnt matter but hi anyways. k so I wanna spill my opinions on life and why it's only a rich ass luxury hotel. so we tbh dont need to live for anything. tbh I think it's like a review thing. like God has parents and was like ""how's my creation :)"" and thne they's like ""hmmmm let's put things there :)"" hihi I wish my parents were proud of me like that tbh. k so anyways oceans exists, soil exists, sand exists, plants exists! ah mother nature amirite. and then uhh ig little globs in the ocean like teeny tiny globs start swimming and fricking like real hard and fast holy fuck. and then fish exist! yippie. すうぃむすうぃむ hihi. ok and then after-- wait why am I talking abt evolution. meh anyways. so then after like a few billion years ig they's like ""this sea is boring let's grow legs"" and then walking fish exist hihi. but some fish still stay in the water bc they're stubborn. and the one's that walk was like ""AGH I CANT breATHe"" so they ig run to the nearest land. and was like ""ooooooowIE my feet tingles uwu"" so they walk more and more. and was like ""hm it's cold. fur timeee"" and they start growing body beards. and they get more greedy so like "">:) I want front legs now and teeth"" so that happens too. woo wee what a roller coaster amirite. k next paragraph. hi hello says day6. ok so after a few idk years of walking and nom nom and poopy uh oh stinky and whatever else, some of them are like ""hm I wanna be big smh let's grow"" and others are like ""rawr xD shortarmsuwu"" and some are like ""owo wings??"" and the dinosaurs exist haha. the t-rex is the worst neighbour you could ever have like one morning you's tryna find some leaves for your babies and then t-rex xomes out like ""ちょmぷちょmぷ hihi すうぃngすうぃng hihi >:)"" like smh I was just tryna feed my babies smh. oh hey there. so anyways, while everything was happening our ancestors, the monkeys were just vibin climbing on trees and knocking rocks against everything. so go forward in life and oop look at that the meteor shower. all the dinosaurs go extinct and our ancesters were like ""haha dumbasses"" and start glowing up. owo nani kore? sticks and iron and stones? hehe time for minecraft. and they all lvl2 in humanity. huts now are being built and every other thing. 2 jobs now exist, gatherer and hunter. guys usually do the hunting and women do the gathering likr gather fruit or sumn. sexist and patriarchy haha yall feminists so mad-- anyway skip to reli-- no idk what happened w religion but yea that exists and then a few thousand years and then everything exists we in the 60s now everyone is racist and slaves were a thing. or it started sooner idk tbh hehe. ok so all the witches are being burned and gays were being torched. what is up with yall americans and burning shit haiz. meanwhile us malaysians are being used like the brits wanted to take malaysia, the japanese are back w the classic and *o i l*. ok anyways skip to like the 90s feminism exists yay wippie. ok that doesnt matter bc feminism is can-- shuSH. ok so skip to 2010. oh who is that I hear from afar? IT'S PEWDIEPIE!!! OWO. ok but srsly he helped me w my english and now I cuss a lot haha. and then who else is there? markiplier and jacksepticeye!! red and green pewdiepie hihi. oh and I didnt notice this little guy. name's roomieofficial. woo weeee our boys have been formed. ok so skip 4 yrs later, now roomie tries to be the most subscribed youtuber. but mission failed, sir, pewdiepie's in the way. so roomie tries to fight him but it's no use. everyone loves outlast not songs, roomie. but then roomie had a greattt idea. ""yk what? imma make songs abt him :)"" everyone was like ""nani kore? owo"" so we all listened to his songs and was like ""bro this is the jam"" and start singing it for our anthem. but still roomie didnt get the most subscribers. so he contacted felix and was like ""ay bro look at my songs >:("" and so pewds looked at the songs and uploaded it back on his channel and roomie got subscribers but still, he's failing. so roomie decided ""hey, what if I make friends w him. I'll get more subscribers >:)"" and so that happened and they's cool now haha. oop and skip to 2014, my sister finds a kitten under my dad's car. and was like ""I gotta tell kaka (aka me hihi) :))"" and called me and oh well look who it is, a cat that I will love and cherish forever. so we washed him and then we heard meowing like in the distance. and then a female adult cat came and was like ""gimme my child back pls"" so me and my sister was like ""sad :("" but then the next day, a long meow can be heard like ""meOoOoOoOoOOoOoOOoOoOOoWw"" yea he meowed like that bc he was walking like kinda skipping. and then me and my sister peeked outside and it was the kitten owo. we played w him and named him meong hihi. wait メオng hihi meong. why you may ask???? well his meow was always long. well, actually we wanted to name him jackie but me and my family were so dumb and keep calling him meong bc well his signature move, long meowing. well after uhhhhhh like 2 or 3 or 4 years???? meong died in a car crash. well, that's what my mom told me. but some part of me thought my mom was lying and actually sold him to someone. but yea that happens. I wanted to see his corpse bc I wanted to say goodbye to him but my mom was like ""it's very far away and Im tired so no :)"" and I was like meh ok. why didnt I react strongly? bc that's my mental defense mechanism (is that a thing). like anything happens and my head will be like ""haha cool joke. he'll come back sooner."" and then in 2018 I start missing him. and the depression starts kicking in. I cried like 3 times thinking abt him @ night. ugh I miss him. ok now next topic. and now, 2020. (exhale) what a wonderful year. ww3 wanted to start but there was too many memes so that didnt happen. the coronavirus happened in china. dumbfucks goes to different countries and bragging abt it like fuck one went to singapore and singapore is close to johor bahru and I live in johor bahru godfuck it, china. 1920 rlly hurt europe (I think is it the rat plague) but now ooooooweeeee lets see how this goes :). oh yea and kobe died, fuck. well that's okay we still have pewds and elon musk and keanu reeves, amirite. ahhhhhhh so this post is abt ehhhhhhhn evolution?????? mmm not abt depression. well at least that little bit abt meong. hihi oki next post is what I think abt life :)",0.9991,positive,neutral 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,speaker,2,pretty long amirite,0.4939,positive,questioning 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,listener_1,3,Are you ok?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,speaker,4,no,-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,speaker,5,hihi evolution actually I was finsta talk abt life but instead evolution,0.0,neutral,neutral 3161,depressed,hello fellow organisms,speaker,6,maybe,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",speaker,1,"No but really, obviously this is a place for being depressed, this is my situation I’m not cutting or anything, just heavily contemplating suicide If every time I wake up I have a 1/10 chance of feeling okay that day, why live 90% of my life depressed and miserable? I won’t jump in front of a truck or shoot myself in my room. I want to avoid scaring people for life. I just feel like I’m carrying a thousand pounds everywhere I go, I’m facing down having to move out way too soon, I had a plan to save up, get my license, and move out. But selfish people are getting in the way. Why make plans when they always go to shit. I play magic the gathering but I can’t win a game, my luck is completely shit so I can’t enjoy the one thing I did enjoy. The things keeping me from doing anything like killing myself is my girlfriend and the means of doing it. Idk, this post is all over the place, I can’t get my thoughts straight. I don’t trust anyone, I don’t want to take meds because that’s telling everyone something’s wrong with me. I’m defective. I really don’t know what to do.",-0.9512,negative,apprehensive 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",speaker,3,Help lines are full of people who don’t know you and don’t care about you. I can’t think that calling them will help me.,0.8225,positive,apprehensive 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",listener_2,4,I kind of agree with coz its confusing that if you cant tell people who you love about your mental health then can you trust to tell them and with thr fact known that the people on hotlines are just doing their job of stoping people to die so they give a fake feeling of giving a fuck,0.0534,positive,agreeing 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",listener_3,5,They do care. They don't want you to die. They care about saving people's lives. Your life.,0.3134,positive,caring 3162,depressed,"Hey all, my name’s Ethan and I’m depressed",listener_4,6,"They may not know you, but a lot of the people on the hotline are volunteers or people with social work degrees and are extremely caring individuals. Plus, having someone who doesn't have opinions or a stake in the situation can be refreshing. Give it a shot, what could it hurt?",0.036000000000000004,neutral,questioning 3163,depressed,Ready,speaker,1,I hope I die today. I am tired of living in sadness and despair. The man I deeply love has lost all interest in me. He is pursuing another woman. The thought of HER getting his love and attention that I so badly need and crave is unbearable. I can't go on anymore.,-0.4519,negative,sad 3163,depressed,Ready,listener_1,2,"I’m telling u right now it will get better I know you’ve lost all hope at the minute but soon you will realise he was not the be all and end all, life goes on if he didn’t recognise how great you are he’s not worth it",0.7846,positive,hopeful 3163,depressed,Ready,speaker,3,"I am trying to stay no contact but it is excruciating to not talk to him or see him. I find it nearly impossible to make it through my day without him. He is on my mind from the moment I wake up to the time I go to sleep. I think I am going crazy.😔 I know I am not supposed to want him back, but I do.",-0.8893,negative,lonely 3163,depressed,Ready,speaker,4,Thank you for the kind words. I know I should not feel worthless but it is hard when someone doesn't reciprocate your love.,-0.3609,negative,grateful 3163,depressed,Ready,listener_2,5,its very hard,-0.1761,negative,neutral 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,speaker,1,"I don’t even know what to say. I just want to talk to someone, anyone, about whatever. I feel horrible",-0.4939,negative,guilty 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,listener_1,2,what’s up ? my names leah,0.0,neutral,questioning 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,speaker,3,But I hate myself and in depth conversation with myself drives me crazy.,-0.8462,negative,angry 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,listener_2,4,"I feel the same way but somehow it still helps me I guess. Think about your interests. I love dinosaurs and things like Pokémon and such, video games help too. I recommend PS4VR",0.9711,positive,agreeing 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,speaker,5,I don’t like video games,0.3612,positive,nostalgic 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,listener_2,6,What about aquariums? You could build one of those lol. Just throwing stuff out there. I get lost in art a lot. I draw pictures.,0.128,positive,jealous 3164,depressed,Does anyone want to talk to me? I’m so fucking lonely and sad,speaker,7,"I have hobbies, just not much energy in the winter to act on them.",-0.2057,negative,disappointed 3165,depressed,Feeling depressed before turning 24,speaker,1,"Basically, the title says it all. I really hope it will get better, but for now life sucks a little. Being stuck in a semi-crappy job, broke and lonely. I recently graduated and have no idea what to do in life. My hobbies make me bored. The ""want"" for anything ""big &serious"" has disappeared. Like, during my studies I wanted to find a new job, go to a therapist, do a bunch of stuff for which I didn't have time before. And now I don't want anything. It feels like there is no point in doing any of the stuff I planned , tbh. Verry sorry for my rambling. I know people have it far worse. Sorry in advance for any mistakes, I'm not a native English speaker.",-0.9662,negative,disappointed 3165,depressed,Feeling depressed before turning 24,listener_1,2,What's holding you back from finding another job? ..or career for that matter?,0.1179,positive,questioning 3165,depressed,Feeling depressed before turning 24,speaker,3,"Short working experience at the current job, lack of confidence, several unsuccessful interviews. I love my current career, but unfortunately, my specialization does not provide me with high salary.",-0.1901,negative,disappointed 3166,depressed,"I'm too afraid to kill myself quickly, so i just do it slowly with my self destructive habits.",speaker,1,"Rant over, just didn't want to tell anyone else",-0.3863,negative,guilty 3166,depressed,"I'm too afraid to kill myself quickly, so i just do it slowly with my self destructive habits.",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3166,depressed,"I'm too afraid to kill myself quickly, so i just do it slowly with my self destructive habits.",listener_2,3,"Wow, This is useless",0.25,positive,angry 3166,depressed,"I'm too afraid to kill myself quickly, so i just do it slowly with my self destructive habits.",listener_3,4,Isn’t it just. Like genuinely there isn’t much of a way to help someone who is suicidal like this. Giving them a number will never convince them to get help.,0.7059,positive,questioning 3167,depressed,What the fuck,speaker,1,I’m an 18 year old. I went to college for a semester after graduating high school and hated it. Made some awesome friends in that city though and knew I could get a decent job welding so I decided I was gonna go apprentice with a welder and work 30-35 hr week at minimum wage while renting at my friends place for $300 a month after Christmas break was over. I finally felt like after years of shitty highschool In a town with less than 3000 people with only 2 of them being people I could consider friends. was gonna be on a good track making money and going somewhere in life. I went back to my parents for Christmas and it was a nice time but I was desperate to move back to the college town where all my newfound friends were. I applied for job after job. No response from any of them. Kept trying and told my friends there if they found anything to let me know. There just aren’t any jobs. I don’t fucking understand. It’s like all the unskilled positions paying shit wage are taken and I’m just stuck in this stupid town with no friends or hobbies or a job. To top it all off I’ve gotten pulled over 3 times in the past 2 days for a headlight being out that I DONT FUCKING HAVE MONEY TO REPLACE and the court thinks by giving me all these tickets it’ll make me change it faster like I’m sorry the headlight I have isn’t in stock anywhere and I have to order it. Fuck. I’m sorry. This is all probably incoherent. I hope y’all have a better day than I have.,0.8468,positive,content 3167,depressed,What the fuck,listener_1,2,"Come to Washington, we need welders. But for real, I feel you, I'm sorry you're going thru it rn",-0.1154,negative,sympathizing 3167,depressed,What the fuck,listener_1,3,I've got a ticket from a year ago I still can't afford to pay,0.0762,positive,sentimental 3167,depressed,What the fuck,listener_2,4,"Can you tell me more about this ""Washington needs welders"" you are proclaiming?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3167,depressed,What the fuck,listener_3,5,Doesn’t basically anywhere need welders... if you have any experience.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3167,depressed,What the fuck,speaker,6,"See the problem is there are 7 colleges in that town so yeah most positions are taken by college kids but there are tons of retail place that are in need of 5+ employees. Kinda crazy I don’t even get an email back. Maybe I try another city, idk. I want to stay near that city because the people there. My dad said he’s gonna help me update my CV. And the problem with living in a town with sub 3000 people, we don’t have public transport. 95% of the people in my town have 2 cars so the town just doesn’t bother with public transport. I’m just gonna try and sell bud for a bit to at least fix my headlight.",-0.7029,negative,apprehensive 3167,depressed,What the fuck,listener_2,7,Not if the economy sucks.,-0.3612,negative,jealous 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,speaker,1,"I've been dating this really awesome guy for a few months - he was really upfront about having depression and anxiety and has had therapy and medication about a year before I met him, but stopped with both since he was in a better place at the time. A couple months after dating, some symptoms for an upcoming depressive episode started showing. He replied less, was less affectionate with me, wanted to sleep all day, didn't want to go out anymore, etc. It was terribly difficult for me to know if my messages were helpful/nice or just annoying, because he didn't reply most of the time, but we still managed to hang out once a week. Then a few weeks ago, there was a death in his family which just made him plummet to a really deep depression. When this happened, I wasn't in town so the best I could do was be there for him through messages. Because of this tragic event, he went back to therapy and is back on medication. After not being in town for 3 weeks, I asked when he'd be free so that we could see each other since it's been so long. I've previously mentioned that I'm all for laying around and just watching a movie. He's mentioned that ""he doesn't want to pretend like he's okay"" and I told him he doesn't have to pretend with me, he can cry all day and I just didn't want him to be alone, to which he responded ""I need to be alone."" I'm never trying to ""cure"" him, I really just want to support him. I'm in no place to tell someone how to live their life, I just want to be in each other's company the way we always used to be. On the last day I talked to him, he had just hung out with one of his oldest friends. So in my mind i thought, ""Cool, he's capable of leaving the house for something that's not work."" So I asked him if he'd be free sometime, to which he again replied ""I'm sorry I just need to be alone right now."" I told him ""Okay, I feel like I haven't respected your request to leave you alone, I'm going to do that now. Please reach out when you're ready to talk or hang."" And he just responded, ""Will do."" It's been a week. And he posted on his social media that he went to a soccer game, which is something that he loves so it made me happy that he's out doing that, but kind of sad that he still hasn't been able to message me, especially since we've talked every single day when we first met. I'm just confused if I should message him again to let him know I still care about him. Or did I just get dumped over message without realizing? My mind is honestly all over the place. I have a great support of system of friends which helps me take my mind off this whole thing, but I haven't talked to any of them about this because I don't want them to know his personal business. So here I am asking for advice from strangers lol. Any advice would help, thank you!",0.9901,positive,disappointed 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,listener_1,2,"You’re incredibly respectful and sound like a really amazing person. I was in this situation, except I was the guy, and I was an asshole. I loved her so much but it just felt like so much work to try for a relationship and it was all just too much. He’s at a bad place just like I was. You need to find someone who truly cares and respects you the way you would respect them. The fact you won’t even talk to your friends about this issue for his sake is just... wow. Incredibly sweet and caring. I’m sorry to tell you but it will most likely not work out and you should try and meet new people.",0.9921,positive,agreeing 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,speaker,3,"Thanks for being really nice and your reply! Even though that last sentence was a stab to the heart, it sounds like the harsh truth I need to hear right now. This sucks lol",0.8321,positive,acknowledging 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,listener_1,4,I know it hurts but in the long run it’ll be so much better for you. So much less worry and heartache. :),0.5286,positive,neutral 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,speaker,5,How can I ask him that without making it seem like I'm making his depression about me? I honestly wouldn't know how to phrase it without sounding like the girl who is making things worse by complaining.,-0.6381,negative,ashamed 3168,depressed,Need advice on dating someone with depression who won't communicate,listener_2,6,Just tell him that you care about him and want to how much alone time he wants. Asking that isn't complaining. If he still doesn't say anything else then wait anit her week and ask people who know him if he's feeling better and how much alone time he needs. You sound like a great girlfriend.,0.902,positive,questioning 3169,depressed,Too down to even jerk off ...,speaker,1,Sorry if this isn’t PC but usually I can atleast get off and fall asleep :-/ sigh,-0.4215,negative,sympathizing 3169,depressed,Too down to even jerk off ...,listener_1,2,Hahahahaha I was like this last night. And then I just...stopped... gave up and slept instead lol.,0.6486,positive,neutral 3169,depressed,Too down to even jerk off ...,listener_2,3,My dick is dead but I don’t have a name for mine lmao,0.3716,positive,ashamed 3169,depressed,Too down to even jerk off ...,speaker,4,Haha I could resuscitate it ;),0.5994,positive,acknowledging 3170,depressed,I literally feel like an alien on this planet,speaker,1,"I don’t understand other people, and other people don’t understand me. All I want is peace...do I have to die to find it? I feel so much guilt just for being alive.",-0.5233,negative,lonely 3171,depressed,Good days and bad days. Today is a bad day,speaker,1,"My anxiety just popped out of nowhere and I’m sitting here thinking, “do people actually like me or am I just tolerated?” I hate being at war with my own head sometimes. I’ll be good for a little and then out of nowhere I feel the need to question everything! People could show me how much they love me and I’ll still ask myself , do they really like me or are they just trying to be nice and not hurt my feelings. It’s the most frustrating thing to be honest.",0.8429,positive,anxious 3171,depressed,Good days and bad days. Today is a bad day,listener_1,2,Best thing to others love you is you love you. But sometimes is really hard. Find some hobby then you will have new friends.,0.8723,positive,neutral 3171,depressed,Good days and bad days. Today is a bad day,speaker,3,Maybe a little bit of both. Anxiety can cause rapid irrational thoughts. I have good days and bad days. On my good days I can usually distract myself but I’m also one of those suffer in silence types. So on my bad days I tend to make it worse for myself. I find that when I’m around people and actually doing something I don’t think as much. It’s when I’m alone that my mind wonders and I start overthinking.,-0.9615,negative,anxious 3171,depressed,Good days and bad days. Today is a bad day,listener_2,4,Funny it's when I'm alone and doing things that I don't think. People triggers most of my overthinking. Do you walk ?,0.2263,positive,lonely 3171,depressed,Good days and bad days. Today is a bad day,speaker,5,That is funny. I walk sometimes. Usually in warmer weather. I like to go to state parks and take a stroll.,0.765,positive,joyful 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,speaker,1,"had the worst depressive episode i've had in six years (it lasted 3 days. i missed 3-days worth of classes, especially my major classes). started feeling better today. the support i got from my brother and best friend willed me to continue with the psychiatrist consultation i have tomorrow. i've had it scheduled for a month now. my dad just told his nurse to tell me (he didn't even say it himself) that he won't fund it, because i don't need it.",0.7759,positive,grateful 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_1,2,You're right. There's no need to of any psychology therapy. Living in depression is a phase it comes and goes then comes back. You have to fight it yourself.,-0.8176,negative,agreeing 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_2,3,What?! This is horribly uneducated. I suggest you actually learn about depression before saying something so ignorant again. There are resources stickied at the top of this sub. Start there.,-0.8531,negative,annoyed 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_3,4,Plz tell me you're being sarcastic.,-0.1779,negative,annoyed 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_1,5,Really man fuck you,-0.5829,negative,angry 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_2,6,I give you one chance to apologize and recognize that your comment was uneducated. Otherwise you are no longer welcome here.,-0.3138,negative,sympathizing 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_1,7,Shove it up your ass,-0.5423,negative,angry 3172,depressed,didn't think my first reddit post would be something sad,listener_2,8,Lovely. You're very predictable.,0.5859,positive,acknowledging 3173,depressed,Why did i have to be born a man,speaker,1,"Im only 18 and im already not seeing the point in the future, ive been robbed of the experiences that would have defined my development if only i was born a woman. Ive grown apathetic of almost every part of my life; uni, making friends, studying, my hobbies. Ive had to worry countless hours about whether its worth telling my closest friends about this because im so damn scared that theyll leave, idgad about my blood relatives, but my friends are my true family and if i tell them and they leave i genuinelly will be abandoned by those who i love most. When im not apathetic im dysphoric about every aspect of myself because i know i could never pass even if i chose to move forward, it just makes me think what the FUCK is the point in it. I just wish i could stop existing (more than that i just wish i was born a woman, ive spent so long having regrets over events in my life that may or may not have gone different if i was a woman) but since that cant happen i have to stay alive, and what for? The people who it would destroy if i died. It doesnt seem fair, why should they get to remain alright while i suffer through this alone. Ive seen so many people where i thought, ""if my body was swapped with theirs i could be happy"" but that makes my dysphoria worse, ive had to stop watching content that i love because the creators look how i ideally would and that just makes me more bored and so more apathetic. Why couldnt i have just been a woman, then maybe id be happier and not so fucking depressed with how my life is so soon in it.",0.3071,positive,apprehensive 3173,depressed,Why did i have to be born a man,listener_1,2,It's true. Society sees single men and women in a totally different way. Men are defined as creeps while women get to be independent.,0.4215,positive,agreeing 3173,depressed,Why did i have to be born a man,speaker,3,What does that have to do with the post?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3173,depressed,Why did i have to be born a man,listener_1,4,Just indirectly saying that you're not alone.,0.1877,positive,neutral 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,speaker,1,"Hi guys & gals First time posting on this group. Been a long time depressive, roughly 15 years on various happy pills (antidepressants) and I have been back and forth with my GP for the last 8 months because my old happy pills (Fluoxetine) stopped working for me. He put me on new ones (Mirtazapine) but not only did they make me feel worse, they also made my appetite so huge I gained a lot of weight (cos that's all we need, am I right!). Doc is now going to put me on Sertraline but I've the 3 week arse kicking weaning off the old pills before hand. This is the least fun part of this whole thing but the upside is the hope that this will improve my mood just enough to get my mojo back. I'm trying to stay positive but does anyone have any tips to help me stay positive (or be a bit less crappy) during this transition period? X",0.9769,positive,apprehensive 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,listener_1,2,"You shouldn't feel this shitty. Your GP is not weaning you off correctly and giving you withdrawal symptoms. Also, never refer to antidepressants as happy pills. Not only are they absolutely not happy pills, you are furthering a very negative stigma that a pill can just cure you. Getting out of depression is a lot of hard work. You are doing a huge disservice to every one who suffers and uses medication by calling them that.",-0.9046,negative,sad 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,speaker,3,Amended accordingly. How is he meant to wean me off them? You can't just stop one set of pills and start a new set.,0.2235,positive,annoyed 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,listener_1,4,How does your doc have you weaning off the med? It sounds like it is going too fast.,0.3612,positive,questioning 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,speaker,5,Well my dose at the moment is 30mg Mirtazapine but from tomorrow I spend a week on 15mg and the following week I alternate (one day I take a pill one day I don't) until I go 3 full days without anything. Then I start the 15mg of Setraline.,0.1406,positive,guilty 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,listener_1,6,"You are weaning off too quickly if you are experiencing such bad withdrawal side effects. Some bodies can handle it, for others it causes hell. Psychs will take it seriously but GP's often don't because they aren't trained properly. I'm assuming you were on a higher dose than 30mg? That's odd you were on such a high dose in the first place if it has been causing you problem all this time. But I do not recommend dropping to 15 given how you feel. First go to 22.5mg.",-0.9262,negative,apprehensive 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,speaker,7,"Nope, 30 mg since June 2019. Before that I was on Fluoxetine 40 mg for 5 years.",0.0,neutral,faithful 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,listener_1,8,"Then how have you had the ""3 week ass kicking"" from weaning off if you haven't actually weaned off?",-0.5423,negative,questioning 3174,depressed,Switching meds mindfeck!,speaker,9,"I didn't say ""I had"" I said/meant ""I have"" a 3 week ass kicking coming.",-0.5423,negative,anticipating 3175,depressed,How does pain feel?,speaker,1,Am I the only one who feels -psychological pain- in some body parts? Like a cold sensation in the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet... but only when I feel really bad?,-0.7875,negative,afraid 3175,depressed,How does pain feel?,listener_1,2,Omg this is me. I dont even know how I could describe this pain,-0.596,negative,devastated 3175,depressed,How does pain feel?,listener_2,3,I know this feeling far too well,0.4069,positive,agreeing 3176,depressed,I don’t know,speaker,1,does anyone else give up to the point where you just stop eating? Not necessarily because of wanting to lose weight but just because you’ve given up on actually taking care of yourself. I’m so tired of my existence,-0.5043,negative,questioning 3177,depressed,Kobes Life in exchange of mine,speaker,1,"That feeling when you kinda think if you're dead today nobody will mourn, so why hesitate in exchanging your own for that Legend. Atleast your life's got highlights. #RIPKB #RIPEMOT",-0.8393,negative,sentimental 3177,depressed,Kobes Life in exchange of mine,listener_1,2,I had this same thought about myself...I’m sure a lot of people did.,0.3182,positive,neutral 3177,depressed,Kobes Life in exchange of mine,listener_2,3,2,0.0,neutral,proud 3178,depressed,on my lonesome skrt skrtt,speaker,1,"i know people understand what i’m going thru, they understand there’s a risk of me not making it. yet they don’t seem to show care to stop me? they’d maybe be like “ur not gonna kill urself” and change the topic when i’m trying to have an actual convo. i know it’s also to hear about that someone is feeling suicidal and helping isn’t the funnest but leaving it isn’t gonna help, and no one is really doing anything either? i wonder how it would feel having me gone. probably not very different. imagine hearing that your friend killed herself. just last night you and her talked about school breaks, baking, and nasty bugs. now she’s gone? the many times you’ve read her message and slightly exhaled out of ur nose because it was funny? her being too exited over texts using “alright!” instead of “okay” or something because she’s scared she’s coming off mean. her apologizing after she said something rude, because if she said something rude to her parents they would cuss at her. the stupid notes in class and eye contact, mouthing words that she can’t understand because she sucks at reading lips. her resting-sad-face making her always look sad. her being timid but just wanting to hug you. the unfinished project you started working on. running to the bus in the rain. or running to the bus. or running through the rain. or feeling her genuine care. feeling MY genuine care. people just seem to expect it now and they’re probably just preparing or something, i would tell myself. but i feel so much lonelier than ever. i’m barely able to hang out with people who actually somewhat care about me. how would it looking back at our text messages knowing that i’m missing? missing forever i guess?? i don’t even think i’m going to die, yet i too, am preparing myself. i don’t want to have to preparing myself. i’m thirteen. i’m too young to die, to young to feel like this aren’t i? i feel so lonely and unimportant and unwanted and unhelpful and useless! omg cool.",-0.9897,negative,suggesting 3178,depressed,on my lonesome skrt skrtt,listener_1,2,"There’s no age limit to feeling lonely and depressed. Silver lining is, you’ve got this whole subreddit with you and supporting you. I can easily say without meeting you in real life that you are stronger than this, than what you are going through. Never give up hope, we are all here for you <3",-0.2514,negative,faithful 3178,depressed,on my lonesome skrt skrtt,speaker,3,thank u sm<3 you give me hope,0.6597,positive,acknowledging 3178,depressed,on my lonesome skrt skrtt,speaker,4,"idk, i was just being sarcastic",-0.34,negative,neutral 3178,depressed,on my lonesome skrt skrtt,speaker,5,thank you <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 3179,depressed,I’m tired of living,speaker,1,"Not that I want to commit suicide or anything but I am really tired of living. Nothing makes me happy anymore, nothing excites me. I honestly see no reason why should I stay alive",-0.8511,negative,sad 3179,depressed,I’m tired of living,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3179,depressed,I’m tired of living,listener_2,3,Fucking mood. I have *one* good day and the next month is actually hell,-0.4019,negative,furious 3180,depressed,Incredibly lonely,speaker,1,"I’m a senior in high school and feel lonely all the time as I don’t seem to fit in with anyone. I have many school friends, even considered somewhat popular to some people as I tend to be the class clown in my classes. What people don’t realize is that I don’t actually have any real friends, only lots of “acquaintances” that forget about me once school ends. I don’t get talked to out of school, asked to hangout, checked on, so I usually spent most of my free time working out or writing raps. The only socialization I get outside of school is with my workout partner who I consider my only true friend. I started working out 3 years ago after being bullied during soccer season and although I’m thankful to have transformed my body to look alright (hoping to compete in physique competitions and also do triathlons) it hasn’t made any difference in making friendships and I feel it has actually isolated me since it’s the only thing i enjoy doing. I don’t fit in with any of the people around me, I feel as if all the the effort I put into being a good friend is becoming a waste of time as it’s never reciprocated at all. I’m a secondary friend to everyone and it is incredibly lonely. I’ve never had a love life or a first kiss. I feel all the work I put into making myself a better person (exercise, good in school, reading) has made no difference and left me as someone who doesn’t fit in with anyone. The silent depression which I’ve struggled with since middle school has gotten very bad lately and I just feel like giving up on life.",0.9818,positive,lonely 3180,depressed,Incredibly lonely,listener_1,2,"Ay man, don't give up yet. Maybe you can try this: next time in school or where you're exposed to humans, try making plans for later. Have future plans for your day and account for every hour. Know when it's time for you and time for plans set before. This helped me a lot. You can try studying later with a friend. Or take a walk with an evident idle soul. Since you have the humor, communication might not be a brick wall for you, but all it takes is the balls to approach. Get a specific thing to do for every individual and later you can dedicate even a whole day to one person, i dunno man. I wish you all the best.",0.9161,positive,suggesting 3180,depressed,Incredibly lonely,speaker,3,Appreciate the kind words thanks I will try to follow your advice,0.8402,positive,grateful 3180,depressed,Incredibly lonely,listener_1,4,The AMS one is very key. It'll change you,0.0,neutral,neutral 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,speaker,1,I just wanna die!,-0.636,negative,sad 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_1,2,My friend got drunk and jumped from the top of a tall building,0.3818,positive,impressed 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_2,3,I will try this for sure,0.3182,positive,confident 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_3,4,So it’s not like in the movies?,-0.3343,negative,questioning 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_3,5,Don’t forget to update,-0.2263,negative,prepared 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_4,6,"No man, tested personally by myself twice. Second time ate around 150 pills for depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety... Pretty heavy stuff. Just went into coma for one and half day. No serious harm to liver, brain, stomach or anything else. Also heard about one guy who ate around 400 xannies once and still managed to survive. Overdosing is basically worst form of suicide because it will nearly never work.",-0.9123,negative,impressed 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,speaker,7,Why not?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_4,8,But if you manage to slit your vein on your thigh you may die in less that minute and half,-0.7469,negative,afraid 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,listener_2,9,If i could i surely will,0.4404,positive,neutral 3181,depressed,What is the best and easiest way to kill your self?,speaker,10,You made me tear a little...,0.0,neutral,sentimental 3181,depressed,What do I do,listener_5,1,This is the worse feeling ever. Slowly watching a person loose interest in you. The same person who you could talk to and open up to... and you have no idea why. It happens over and over again and you don't know what it is you lack that causes everyone to grow distant. Like if I was hard to become friends with why would I make friends in the first place. Why does it have to be that I make friends just to loose them in a month or so?,0.5719,positive,sad 3181,depressed,What do I do,listener_6,2,Fuck if this isnt the truth man,-0.6664,negative,apprehensive 3181,depressed,What do I do,listener_5,3,Yes you can always tell.. it's a lack of energy or interest or something which always shows they're about to leave,0.6486,positive,sad 3181,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_7,1,"Hi, i am a 16 years old girl who lives in the Netherlands. My childhood was pretty fucked up, it still is. most of the time i just feel so lonely and lost. i have tried to kill myself a couple of times. I have 1 big sister and 1 little sister. My parents divorced when i was little. I feel so lonely and lost most of the time, i just can't do this anymore. i just wanna die so that i can finally be free and don't feel this way anymore. I also feel like everything i do hurts everyone around me. Including me. I cant do this anymore...",-0.9623,negative,lonely 3181,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_8,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3181,depressed,I don't know what to do.,listener_7,3,"Thanks, but i dont know what to say..",0.2382,positive,sympathizing 3182,depressed,lost most days - a very selfish and depressive rant on a sunday night.,speaker,1,"fed up. i turn 27 in july and have a support system and a supportive boyfriend. i should be fine. i am not. i am lonely and fearful of the world most of the time. this is down to my cunt of a dad being emotionally and psychically abusive to me during childhood. i shouldn't dwell on it but it is part of who i am so how am i not to fucking dwell on it. last week i tried a volunteer trial. i have crippling anxiety and depression so i could manage about 2 hours until i needed to leave. i return for a second try next week. some days i want to die, other days i am too afraid to live. i have lost hope in many dreams and being an adult is frightening. i hate myself so much. in the past 2 years i have done more than i have done in 10. i have visited the lake district, gone to different museums, explored new places together and each thing has been a hurdle in it's own self respect. i love my boyfriend very much and i will be hopefully having our second year of being together in april. i never want children. it just isn't apart of me to be maternal. that sense goes to my dog and his cat i suppose. but proper responsibility - i am unready for any commitment let alone a life sentence. i am on a waiting list for intensive therapy. it's been since june since i'm on the list and i'm still bloody waiting. the local doctors have also told me the funding for counselling has ended so i can only try to survive or give up really. in such a modern world, to be a introvert is so difficult. along with trauma and fear it creates many awkward social interactions when i am outside. it does not help being ugly. there is more to life than looks but to be a ugly woman is a difficult thing. my boyfriend loves me for who i am and thinks i'm lovely. my mind fights many internal battles. the point of writing this? i don't know. it's sad we come to places like reddit to be somewhat 'annoymous' and yet maybe we do want someone to validate us and say everything will be fine. i'm just scared of living. i live each day at a time and it's still hard. i wish i was free of being afraid. i wish i didn't have nightmares and i wish many times it would just stop. to be 26, on benefits, stuck in a timeless loop for another year and afraid to go outside says alot. i am a coward.",-0.6713,negative,lonely 3182,depressed,lost most days - a very selfish and depressive rant on a sunday night.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3182,depressed,lost most days - a very selfish and depressive rant on a sunday night.,speaker,3,it absolutely sucks to live like this. i don't know. everyone is different. my path is a road to the left going all over the place except a job and happiness and proper actuality of what a adult should be. so i'm probably behind you to be fair,0.6815,positive,agreeing 3182,depressed,lost most days - a very selfish and depressive rant on a sunday night.,listener_2,4,"That describes me pretty well, honestly. I think we’re probably on the same level...or close to it.",0.8074,positive,agreeing 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,speaker,1,"I just had a few friends to begin with and now it's all falling apart. I don't hangout anymore. I don't feel like talking about anything. And worst of all I like to see these bridges fall apart. I don't hate my friends, i just stopped liking them...",0.0088,neutral,sad 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,listener_1,2,"Idk man, the same thing happened to me at a certain point but later on I realised I'd just outgrown the friendships and found some new ppl to hang out with that I actually like. Just give it some time, ig.",0.7906,positive,neutral 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,speaker,3," deep down I feel the same, like I do need new friends. Nothing last forever. like you meet someone new, you like them but then one day life is not shinny and rainbow. You tend to see few negatives and I don't feel like dealing with it at all. I don't think it's healthy, is it",-0.373,negative,lonely 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,listener_1,4,"I think it's just part of life? I'm not too sure but I haven't really had any long lasting friendships. Then again, I'm still young so maybe the friendships I form today or in the next few years are the ones that last me a lifetime. Maybe it's something similar for you?",0.7949,positive,suggesting 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,speaker,5,"I'm afraid it's not, at my age I should have found that long lasting friendship bond or may be it's not to late",0.4404,positive,apprehensive 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,listener_1,6,Well... wanna be friends? :),0.802,positive,questioning 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,speaker,7,I would love that. :),0.802,positive,acknowledging 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,speaker,8,"Thanks, really appreciate your advice. 💙",0.8777,positive,acknowledging 3183,depressed,Depression making me Anti-social,listener_2,9,All good. Anytime,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3184,depressed,so fucking lonely and burnt out,speaker,1,"i’ve lost all my friends. i’m tired of school. all i want to do is lay in my bed and watch the time pass, as i slowly deteriorate. i pushed people away, made others hate me. i can barely get through a school day with out the urge to cry. i come home and can’t do any school work. i don’t have the motivation. i see no point anymore. i really don’t understand. this isn’t like before. i was like this last year, insanely depressed but i could still do school, homework, projects. i got good grades, i passed. now i can’t do anything. im just so tired. and done.",-0.682,negative,sad 3184,depressed,so fucking lonely and burnt out,listener_1,2,"I’m going through my own issues so I’m no expert I can only give you my insight...but school is meaningless all the shit you thought mattered does not matter after you graduate the girls turn ugly and the guys turn into 9 to 5 working slaves. Just focus on you bro find what your passion is and how you can help your family and yourself. Have goals for yourself and things you wanna accomplish. It may not seem like it now but you have control over how you feel. Good luck on this journey we call life, peace unto you.",0.8914,positive,neutral 3184,depressed,so fucking lonely and burnt out,speaker,3,"id love to be able to just kinds drop school and just say fuck it but my dad is so focused on the numbers, the letter. the grade drops to a c that's a scolding and the possibility of some public shaming if he feels up to it. i agree with everything you say, in reality, school doesnt matter. the people, the events, even the grades. ive always tried to focus on the thing i love to do i just never have to motivation to do it anymore, i guess i need to work on that. thanks for taking a sec in your own recovery to give me this advice. i wish you well in life and i hope you can find yourself in a better place sometime soon.",0.9841,positive,agreeing 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,speaker,1,"when I get stressed I lose control and start breaking things. hit the walls, speak loudly. I'm usually a calm person and I try to stay calm most of the time. in the end of that episodes I'm ashamed of what I did, and I get depressed. I often have to take a pill to calm myself down and get to sleep. I have tried to combat this malaise for a long time. does anyone have similar problem?",-0.8658,negative,ashamed 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,listener_1,2,"I have this problem too. I was also diagnosed with bipolar, and now that I'm on meds for that, my anger doesn't spiral out of control like it once did. I'm not saying you have this, but there may be something contributing to why you get as angry as you do. For me, it was bipolar.",-0.7971,negative,neutral 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,speaker,3,But for this just happen when I am at home. I went to psiquiatric some times... Thank you for sharing.,0.7876,positive,neutral 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,speaker,4,Thank you for sharing.,0.6486,positive,wishing 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,listener_2,5,"Np. Just know you're not alone and when you start to see red, try and do something you like to do to calm down",0.6747,positive,agreeing 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,speaker,6,I see when I am red... But others don't. With silence I really relax. My wife doesn't understand me... It's hard for her know when I am getting out of control when she's already out of control. I need found something more to get peace... I do meditation and I am getting better.,0.9285,positive,content 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,listener_2,7,Ah I see. My SO and I are the opposites. I recently started to ask for a small break during our heavy times so I'm not letting everything out. Mediation really does help and silence is forever golden,0.4549,positive,embarrassed 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,speaker,8,Do you get red just at home? Or on work ? With friends...,0.5362,positive,questioning 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,listener_2,9,It's like feeling insulted by your favorite barista when they spell your name wrong but not yelling at them VS a new barista that can't spell even when you tell them how to spell your name you know?,-0.0516,negative,angry 3185,depressed,Anger with depression,listener_2,10,"Depends on who's pushing my buttons. I tend to get angrier when triggered by someone I consider close (family, SO, Friends) than when it's coming from the outside. But I tend to not hold back my anger when it comes from someone else.",-0.7311,negative,angry 3185,depressed,Feeling down,listener_3,1,"I’ve been feeling depressed for the past couple of months. Due to all the negativity in my life and being a gay man at the age of 24. I’ll be honest I love to wear makeup. Not to the extreme drag makeup, but enough to make it look natural. I don’t think my parents like it, especially my dad. I feel like I can’t be my true self and don’t know what to do. I know I bring so much happiness into everyone I know, but I’m forgetting to make myself happy. I cry myself to sleep every night and hope that the next day is better.",0.9826,positive,ashamed 3185,depressed,Feeling down,listener_4,2,"I’m sorry you are so sad and are going through this. Your dad doesn’t understand and can’t relate. Maybe he needs more time. Your parents Love you and children don’t always turn out as one envisions. I hope you find peace and support , if not from your parents , but friends , counselors or other family. I imagine you won’t be living with them much longer as you’re 24. Hugs to you",0.9254,positive,sympathizing 3185,depressed,Feeling down,listener_5,3,couldn't have said it better,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3186,depressed,Not Even Sad Anymore. Life Just Feels Like a Waste of Time.,speaker,1,"I think my textbook depression has finally settled in. again. Buckling in for a wild ride. Maybe this time it will finish killing me, and I can be at peace.",-0.6808,negative,content 3186,depressed,Not Even Sad Anymore. Life Just Feels Like a Waste of Time.,listener_1,2,Is it back because of something happened or just random?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3186,depressed,Not Even Sad Anymore. Life Just Feels Like a Waste of Time.,speaker,3,"I’m not sure. It may be related to my best friend ditching me, though that was almost 6 months ago now.",0.7534,positive,afraid 3186,depressed,Not Even Sad Anymore. Life Just Feels Like a Waste of Time.,listener_1,4,"Try talking to your parents. Remember, at the end of the day they are the one who are always there for you. If you can, turn on the shower or put some loud music on and try crying it all out. Suppressing too much negative emotions can lead to depression. Let it all out. Go visit some new place. Change in environment can help your mind rejuvenate. And remember death is what happens to other people. Don't die, if not for you think about your parents ,people who care about you. You would not do this to them. Would you?",-0.7472,negative,sad 3187,depressed,Ever just feel happy thinking about dying?,speaker,1,"I was just sitting here doing my English Essay. Suddenly, looked up and thought that if I just died right here and now It would be great. Then I look over to the mirror and realized that I had this big grin all over my face. I just felt so happy and good. Anyone else have these types of thoughts? Let's have a chat.",0.9101,positive,joyful 3187,depressed,Ever just feel happy thinking about dying?,listener_1,2,I have thoughts like this. Taking care of my cats makes me feel sense of purpose and I have a bf so. I made a comment loosely talking about how all of the evil in the world sometimes makes me feel like I would just rather be dead than to live among all of it. Every story I hear on the news about things like rape just disturbs me deep down and I hate the feeling. So yeah sometimes I think it would be a lot better if I just died so I never had to hear another horrificly awful story.,-0.9124,negative,sad 3187,depressed,Ever just feel happy thinking about dying?,listener_2,3,"Beautifully written. I wish you the very best, even if it doesn’t help much from me.",0.9273,positive,wishing 3187,depressed,Ever just feel happy thinking about dying?,listener_3,4,It helps. It helps. Thank you.,0.7717,positive,acknowledging 3188,depressed,i hate feeling sad all of the time.,speaker,1,"im crying as i type this, and I cried 2 hours ago. i feel numb. i feel empty. and it all hurts. i feel so unwanted, i feel like a burden. im an 18 year old girl who is still in high school. i don't have a SINGLE friend. not exaggerating when i say that. i literally am so alone. i wish i had friends or someone to talk to but i don't. i don't feel alone with family, but i do at the same time. my best friend and only friend died in 9th grade so almost 4 years ago. he was my only friend. i miss him more than anything. ever since then i havent felt the same. i was diagnosed with depression in 4th grade. ive taken meds on and off but they don't do much. i still want to blow my brains out on a daily basis. i drive to school and think about how bad it would actually hurt if i were to just crash my car, like thinking about that im like ""huh not a bad idea"". i feel so lazy. i feel like a fucking disappointment. i truly am a burden. i wish i had friends. i want my best friend back. ive been a bit more depressed recently and suicidal thoughts are back on high again. i can barely get out of bed for school. i leave school early almost every day. I'm so anxious all the time. i can't even go into a store by myself . like what the fuck is wrong with me?? im too fucking pussy to kill myself although i want to badly. i want my best friend back. i wish i had friends. i try to make friends but it fucking blows up in my face. i just really wanna blow my fucking brains out. sigh.",0.8027,positive,lonely 3188,depressed,i hate feeling sad all of the time.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3188,depressed,i hate feeling sad all of the time.,speaker,3,i won't. i don't have the guts to do so. /:,-0.3182,negative,neutral 3189,depressed,"Always lonely, but scared of being abandoned again...?",speaker,1,"Now that the guy I love has left me im finding myself feeling terribly lonely 24/7, but I don’t want to be around anyone else because I feel too miserable to make conversation. What the heck do you do in that situation",-0.6187,negative,lonely 3189,depressed,"Always lonely, but scared of being abandoned again...?",listener_1,2,I became my own best friend and started forcing hobbies and such even if I didn’t feel like it.,0.872,positive,trusting 3189,depressed,"Always lonely, but scared of being abandoned again...?",listener_2,3,I gotta try that,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3190,depressed,I want to kill myself.,speaker,1,"Sorry, but its true. I can’t help myself. I can’t love myself. If I can’t love myself how and why do I even expect others to do it? I think one of the reasons has be that everyone calls me a fucking failure. Even my own mother. I hate to say this, but literally nobody loves me. Is there even a point to all this? I don’t know what is wrong with me. I’m not like the other kids who smoke or do drugs, or who stay out till late and are rude to their parents or anything. I literally try to do everything which could make my mom happy but it just doesn’t help. I keep disappointing her and I don’t think I can move ahead with the tag of being a disappointment. I’ve got friends, but they won’t understand. I’ve got a sister, but she won’t understand. Its like I have so much to tell but no one to tell it to. I’m like lonely despite being surrounded by people. It truly hurts when your own mom says you’re a fucking failure. I really want to end this what I’m feeling. I know many of you would say, think about those who love you, but what if I tell you, there is no one? I think everyone just pity me, and pretend to care. No one truly understands. I’m probably going to delete this in 24hrs, so that no one finds it. I literally cry to myself in the toilet, since its the only place where I’m all alone and can lock myself. I wish to heal. I wish to move on, but these fucking bruises are so hard and heavy. I love my mom despite what she says, but its just too hard to continue living. I’m just sorry. I don’t want to start cutting myself again. Its getting harder and harder to mask my pain.",0.3312,positive,disappointed 3190,depressed,I want to kill myself.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3190,depressed,I want to kill myself.,speaker,3,"Honestly, it doesn’t help.",0.6908,positive,agreeing 3191,depressed,I’m a bother,speaker,1,"I hate feeling like I’m a bother to my friends all the time. They either leave me on read, or turn their read receipts off and don’t respond to me. I’m not one to double text and I’m falling back into the hole I was in during middle school. I’m never enough, I never will be, no one cares",-0.3382,negative,ashamed 3191,depressed,I’m a bother,listener_1,2,They Aren’t your Friends if they do that.They are Assholes you should Find Better people that Actually care about you.It may take a While But you can either Wait it out.Or You can make friends by Proving your Innocence too them.Either that or You Can take your Time waiting for the right person that will appear.Either way.Friends Are the Family We Choose.So Don’t call them Friends When they Won’t Help a fellow Member of their family out. They Aren’t Friends They Are Just People Passing by.Real friends Won’t Talk shit behind your back or Ignore you.They’ll Stand by your side no matter what happens.Because they know Who you are as a Person.And will always have your back because they know that ”you are worth it”,0.9654,positive,consoling 3191,depressed,I’m a bother,speaker,3,Thank you.. I really needed to hear that. I don’t have anything to hide from them so I don’t see why I don’t matter to them,0.2263,positive,sympathizing 3191,depressed,I’m a bother,speaker,4,I did think there was something wrong with me. I just don’t like confrontation and would never purposefully make someone mad at me. It just hurts a lot but this made me feel a bit better. Thank you 💙,0.8689,positive,ashamed 3191,depressed,I’m a bother,listener_2,5,Aye! It's always good to be reason for someone's smile. Never give up on that. 💎,0.69,positive,faithful 3192,depressed,I feel so lost,speaker,1,"I need to rant a bit, if that’s okay.. My parents have been in the process of getting divorced for over a year now. My dad left my mom for a girl my age, and my mom shared too many details with me every day for months on end. I found out so much more than I ever wanted to know, watched my mom cry and wail for hours every day, and felt stuck in my moms house for months even though I’m an adult and could have left to go back to my home to Tennessee. I eventually did but I regret not having gone back sooner and maybe doing less emotional damage to myself by staying there. I’ve been emotionally numb since the beginning. Feeling like I’ve been robotic and unfeeling, dissociated from the world. Yesterday was the first time I cried in over a year of feeling blank. Every time I hear a sound that sounds like crying or yelling I tense up and have an internal panic attack. So many sounds trigger that feeling and those memories. I haven’t talked to my dad in over a year. My girlfriend of one year who I’ve been in love with for years just left me because I wasn’t making enough progress in life from being so stuck, and I can’t bring myself to trust anyone enough to even have talked to her about everything I feel, or to be myself with her as much as I wanted to be. And I couldn’t even enjoy my time around her because I was always so anxious that I would do something wrong and be inadequate, that I would feel physically sick and have to find a bathroom to retch. I feel cynical about everything, I feel like I’m watching the game of life play out all around me and I’m just looking at how meaningless and pointless all of these lives seem. I’m a 22yo guy with almost no friends, no social life, and no ability to concentrate in school. I can’t work in a normal job because I can’t talk to people without getting extreme anxiety. And I don’t even feel the drive to work a meaningless job for no reason, since it won’t even matter in the end. I know I should be in therapy, but I don’t trust therapists or doctors anymore for some reason. I feel like I can see through the advice they give and it just feels meaningless. And I’m so far in debt due to unpaid medical bills that got caught up in my parents divorce, and on top of everything my dad took my entire life savings from a lawsuit I had after my brain injury and says that I don’t have any claim to it anymore. I was told time would heal these wounds but it all just keeps getting worse and I don’t know how to get out of this. It feels like there’s 2 people in me, one who wants to keep fighting, and the other that has just given up after years of struggles. It’s just hard to see any future for myself Rant over, thanks for reading. I’ve kept all of this just bottled up inside for so long, it’s nice to just get it out and share it.",-0.9889,negative,apprehensive 3192,depressed,I feel so lost,listener_1,2,I'm glad you were able to get that all out. I genuinely hope things will get better for you :),0.8957,positive,consoling 3192,depressed,I feel so lost,speaker,3,"Thank you, I took the day to just chill and felt a lot better. It felt like a little weight lifted from writing that out",0.7845,positive,content 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,speaker,1,Every single morning I wake up to screaming or toxic manipulation. I’m usually great with just putting up with it but the closer I get to 18 the harder it is for me to just suck it up and not say anything against all the bullshit. I’m scared of what comes after 18 but at this point I’m willing to deal with all the uncertainty instead of this. I feel unbelievable guilty though because that means leaving my little brothers behind for my own relief. I have so many mixed feelings and I don’t know what to do,-0.9349,negative,guilty 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,listener_1,2,"""Not knowing where you're going, it the best way to get somewhere you've never been."" Take care of yourself first. You can always still be their big sister and hang out.",0.3761,positive,trusting 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,speaker,3,"Thank you, I’m definitely still going to try and come back and visit as much as I can to make sure they’re ok. Like a couple Times a month just to clean the house and make sure they have food and stuff. I’m also planning on keeping in close contact with them when I’m not there. I really wish I could tale them with me though",0.9432,positive,agreeing 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,speaker,4,I’m going to be in college and they can’t live in the dorms with me. Plus my parents wouldn’t let them live with me anyways. They’re already trying to make it so I don’t move out. Like fucking with my college applications and financial and and stuff. I still haven’t been able to do my fafsa even though I’ve been trying since October. I’m still gonna try and visit and clean the house and make sure they’re ok and that they have food and everything as much as I can. If they tell me it getting too bad then I’m probably gonna end up moving back in because I’m usually good at calming my parents down when they get really bad. I really wish I could take them with me. I’m still not even sure if I’m gonna be able to leave in the first place though,0.7807,positive,angry 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,listener_2,5,My Sister Is much Like you.She cares more For other people then Herself.If She Actually Considered putting her own needs First for Once.She’d Be like ”Beyonce” The Thing Is people like you Shouldn’t hold back that much for anyone.You Can Check in on your siblings When They Need you.But Having an older sibling that Becomes successful.Is the most Important thing you Can Possibly Do right now.It Sets an Example for your Younger siblings that they can make it.But Also If you’ve Been helping your silbling like this for a Long time. I’ll Promise you that they will Remember that. The only reason I feel anything at this point. Is Because My Sister was there for me. So don’t worry about that It’s okay. Focus on yourself It Is your Life. It’s Okay your siblings won’t Become bad people. I Can Promise you that.Because if My Sister Didn’t step out on her own I wouldn’t admire her as much as I do now.We only Argued with one another because our Parents Made our life’s a living hell.I grew to admire her streangth When I saw that she was able to Create a Life she valued all on her own.And you should do that Too.Not only for your Siblings But for yourself.,0.897,positive,caring 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,listener_1,6,Maybe at some point... You can?,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,listener_3,7,Why are you capitalizing so many words and putting punctuation in weird places. More people will read your comments if you make them more readable.,-0.1779,negative,annoyed 3193,depressed,I can’t wait to move out,speaker,8,"Thank you so much, this actually helps a lot. I deadass started tearing up reading this. It’s really nice to actually have some support and get advice for once because I have like no one in my life I can somewhat lean on without being a burden. You made a really good point about becoming successful for them, especially from your position as the younger sibling’s standpoint really hit home. I’m going to feel incredibly guilty either way because I do even now because I feel like I’m not being a good enough sister to them, but at least if I try and live my life I’ll be in the position to help them if they need it in the future. Your sister sounds really amazing and I hope that I can become even a fraction as strong as her. Thank you, and I’m so sorry that you had to go through whatever you went through.",0.9825,positive,sentimental 3194,depressed,Sometimes i wanna kill myself,speaker,1,Sometimes I really do be thinking about killing myself. I just can’t take the stress and the anxiety anymore. I feel tired and I always feel like shit. I don’t know how to deal with it anymore,-0.9169,negative,ashamed 3194,depressed,Sometimes i wanna kill myself,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3194,depressed,Sometimes i wanna kill myself,speaker,3,I’m sorry.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3194,depressed,Sometimes i wanna kill myself,listener_2,4,Everything works out at the end. Though hold yourself still. I know world is shit sometimes,-0.5574,negative,faithful 3194,depressed,Sometimes i wanna kill myself,speaker,5,Thank u😘,0.6486,positive,wishing 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,1,"Hi, I really need help, my girlfriend is literally always sad when she’s home, I’ve tried for so ling to make her feel better, but I just don’t know what to say, today for example her brother ate her food she bought for herself, and her mum instead of giving her money to buy more, or at least telling her brother to stop eating it, she gave her a bowl of plain white rice, and stuff like that has been happening for the past few months, and she’s always so sad, and she hates being home, and I have no idea how to make her feel better... please help me",0.3924,positive,caring 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_1,2,How old are you guys ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,3,I’m 17 she’s 18,0.0,neutral,guilty 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_2,4,She's old enough to get a job and move out on her own.,0.0,neutral,proud 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_1,5,Ok. Try to take her out for date more often,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,6,"We go out every day, but she needs to go home eventually :(",-0.5927,negative,sad 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_1,7,How she feels to being with you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,8,She says she’s happy when she’s with me,0.5719,positive,joyful 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_1,9,In this case its looking like a more of a family matter. As much you can do as a partner to comfort her and more you can do is to talk to her parents about it. Hope everything works out for you.,0.7906,positive,consoling 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,10,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,speaker,11,"The thing is, good luck moving out at 18 in London, but we’ll try anyway",0.4497,positive,neutral 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_3,12,She’s 17 she’s still legally a minor,0.1027,positive,neutral 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_2,13,The response says she's 18. >I'm 17 **she's 18**,0.0,neutral,annoyed 3195,depressed,My girlfriend is always sad when she’s with her mum,listener_3,14,Oh I misread it,-0.2732,negative,embarrassed 3196,depressed,First time having a suicidal thought,speaker,1,"been feeling lost and hopeless for about a year now. never thought i was depressed, just assumed i was sad or something but its gone on for such a long time without getting better. scared myself the past few nights with these thoughts that pop into my head that i should just give up. never had thoughts like that until now. i dont know what to do about it. i really have nobody to reach out to to talk about this. im worried that ill keep having those thoughts until i actually try something.",-0.9276,negative,apprehensive 3196,depressed,First time having a suicidal thought,listener_1,2,I've had it for about 12-13 years. Eventually you'll get used to it but it's still terrible. Please do something as fast as possible,-0.29600000000000004,negative,consoling 3196,depressed,First time having a suicidal thought,speaker,3,"thanks, im looking into it",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3196,depressed,First time having a suicidal thought,speaker,4,lol thanks,0.6908,positive,acknowledging 3196,depressed,First time having a suicidal thought,speaker,5,"thanks, im looking into it",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,1,Bet my familys one of the most dysfunctional ones you've heard of You can ask me about them,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3196,depressed,Family,listener_3,2,Brother?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,3,Molested me,-0.4404,negative,ashamed 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,4,Tell u about them ? Or that u relate ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_4,5,^^^ My mom is an alcoholic and my dad is addicted to heroin but they both tell me how great they are,0.6757,positive,neutral 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,6,"Can relate to that my mom's a druggie and my father is a alcoholic. I'm sorry to hear about that tho, have u moved out ?",-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3196,depressed,Family,listener_3,7,"Shit, did you call the cops on him?",-0.5574,negative,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,8,Nope I told people at the hospital once but my mom said I was lying and the social workers didn't think it was true either,-0.2263,negative,ashamed 3196,depressed,Family,listener_4,9,"I did, but I had two roommates that moved out in the middle of the night and left me with all the bills and no car so I had to come home. I am saving up money now. Considering spending all my savings and blowing my brains out, but ya know, haven’t done it yet.",-0.4215,negative,apprehensive 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,10,What?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_3,11,Wtf would you lie about that kind of stuff?,-0.5859,negative,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,12,They just think I'm confused 🤷 my mom's very good at manipulating ppl,-0.2193,negative,angry 3196,depressed,Family,listener_3,13,Did you at least get personal revenge?,-0.5267,negative,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_5,14,"The way it was posted was literally ""I bet I have it worse than all of you."" If you want to discuss family issues, find a more productive way of initiating conversation.",-0.4215,negative,annoyed 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,15,It's a way to get ppl talking about their family problems ?,-0.4019,negative,questioning 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,16,I stole money. But I'll do more some day when I'm 18 and moving out,0.0,neutral,guilty 3196,depressed,Family,listener_3,17,Im not really the revenge type but good good,0.8655,positive,neutral 3196,depressed,Family,listener_2,18,Thank you. Same tbh but my brother and mom deserve it,0.1901,positive,neutral 3197,depressed,don't worry their not the one feeding you,speaker,1,i already graduated but i cant get my transcript of record cause my school AMA computer college lost my thesis and said straight to my face i need to make another good thing my mom helped me but still the school is still not giving me my diploma and it kinda bugs me that i cant find a job at 20 years of age i feel like i am useless just not getting the experience of working not able to find a job i always cry alone just thinking like what if my mom or my dad and i dont know hoe to make a living :( it kinda sucks i already marched on the stage its kinda embarrasing but my mom always say to me that i will someday manage our lending business our rubber business our cacao farm she told me that it doesnt matter if i dont get a job caus one day ill be managing all the business in my family my mom she told me people graduate but dont even use their courses so yeah it kinda lighten up my mood but my aunts are always saying that i should get a job i really hate it if i always hear it i always tell them that in the next five years ill be the one thats gonna manage all the things money lending and the 2 farms i just feel like a burden now cause i cant find a job and it makes.me angry stupid AMA computer college ruining my moral i have to wait for my older sister to finish medicine for 5years after that my mom will teach me everything about our fam i think for now ill just chill but my aunts still bugs me my mom told me dont worry their not the one feeding you,-0.987,negative,sad 3197,depressed,don't worry their not the one feeding you,listener_1,2,At least u have a supportive mom smfh,0.29600000000000004,positive,acknowledging 3197,depressed,don't worry their not the one feeding you,listener_2,3,Thats a mom right there,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3197,depressed,don't worry their not the one feeding you,listener_1,4,I wish i knew what that felt like,0.6369,positive,neutral 3197,depressed,don't worry their not the one feeding you,listener_2,5,We got you bro (or sis)!!!,0.0,neutral,joyful 3198,depressed,i hurt my self when i am angry,speaker,1,i punched my self in the face many times until i cant eat properly cause my jaw always locks up even tough my gf knows about my condition she still loves me now i can control my urge but last time when me and her where fighting throuh the phone i took a large plank and slapped my self in the back caught it on my camera and sent it to her my back was purple and then the next day we good she told me she accepts me and i told her even if your wrong i rather kill my self than hurt you,-0.9127,negative,ashamed 3198,depressed,i hurt my self when i am angry,listener_1,2,at least u have a gf,0.0,neutral,neutral 3198,depressed,i hurt my self when i am angry,listener_2,3,That’s no way to comfort somebody :/,-0.2732,negative,questioning 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,1,I can’t fucking stand living in this house another day. The closer I get to 18 the more unbearable each day gets. I don’t think I can wait another 5 fucking months. At this point I want to just kill myself to get a break,-0.6597,negative,angry 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_4,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,3,"I am very thankful for the things I do have, which makes me feel very guilty and confused because I know there are so many people who have it way worse than me. But that still doesn’t change the fact that I have a lot of different problems. Also I’m not allowed to have a door or even a curtain for that matter. And my room is downstairs right next to the living room so my parents can see me from the couch when they’re watching tv. I have like no privacy or breaks from them besides school",-0.6522,negative,grateful 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_5,4,"That's fucked up, you are totally right to be pissed about this privacy issue. Your parents should not want to have an eye on you all the time.",-0.8696,negative,agreeing 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,5,"Yeah, I don’t really know what it’s gonna feel like to actually have some space to myself. I mean I’ll have to share a dorm but I’m pretty sure even then I’ll have more privacy than I do now. Like I won’t need to hide the fact I have a phone or anything like that. It’s gonna be weird man",0.9274,positive,content 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_6,6,Jesus id dip right now,0.0,neutral,sad 3198,depressed,I can’t take it anymore,listener_3,7,"I’m really really tempted to but I want to finish high school so bad. I’ve worked really hard and I would be the first kid out of like 12 to actually stay around long enough to graduate. Plus I don’t want to leave my little brothers. I know it just sounds like I’m whining without helping myself but I feel like no matter what I do there’s going to be something bad that happens. Like choose myself or try and stay as long as I can for my brothers. I don’t know, sorry. Thank you for being supportive",0.0978,positive,ashamed 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,speaker,1,"My mom let my brother molest me. We're poor and don't have money for food a lot of the time. My father is abusive and so is my mom. Sisters tells me to Kms every day. I had to take care of my siblings growing up even tho I'm younger. I have a violent retarded sister (litterly) who NEVER stops screaming, she screams every hour even at night. Everything that I own gets stolen ECT ect. I feel hopeless",-0.9632,negative,furious 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,listener_1,2,You need to take that to the police. Life gets better.,0.4404,positive,terrified 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,speaker,3,"I rather deal with it for another 2 years then go into foster care, ik how bad them places are",-0.0772,negative,sad 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,speaker,4,15 getting help,0.4019,positive,afraid 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,listener_2,5,Be Brave young one and do what is right,0.5267,positive,faithful 3199,depressed,My family makes me want to die,speaker,6,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3200,depressed,Feeling dysphoric and depressed,speaker,1,"I been having a severe dysphoric all day. It started with me worrying about getting taller but now convinced myself I won't grow any more (I'm MTW, 5 foot 6, 17 and early puberty bloomer) but now I'm worried about my voice becoming manly it's quite androgynous but worried it will become deeper as I age and I want estrogen so bad. I been considering buying hormones online because the referal process and waiting lists. If I don't transition then I can't be friends with my female friend because everyone will think I'm a rapist because I'm male. I been forcing and pushing my adams apple back and try to prevent from going any deeper I hate being look at as feminine male rapist creep and just want to transition to make me stop thinking I am.",-0.9857,negative,apprehensive 3200,depressed,Feeling dysphoric and depressed,listener_1,2,"My main advice is to take a few slow breaths. Whether you look masculine or not will not make others think you're a rapist. Take a moment and look around. It's not a rare thing for men and women to be friends. Really look at the world before you let these dark thoughts grab you and lie to you. Puberty is an awful time for trans people. It just is. And every tick makes you feel that much further down a track you don't want to go down. But, technology is getting better all the time! Really. It's amazing what they can do now. And that's now! And you're so young. I've know trans ladies that didn't transition till they were in their 60's. Really. You're fine. You're on track. You know what you want and you're going for it. As a fellow trans person, please do NOT go for black market treatment. That can be so dangerous. You have no way to know what you're actually injecting yourself with. Wait for the doctor. You have *lots* of time. Right is better than right-now.",0.8632,positive,apprehensive 3200,depressed,Feeling dysphoric and depressed,listener_2,3,>right is better than right now. I love this line. Thank you for helping to support the OP.,0.926,positive,proud 3200,depressed,Feeling dysphoric and depressed,listener_2,4,"The other person gave the best advice. Right is better than right now. Start wearing what you want to wear, start going to therapy, and wait to transition the right way.",0.8126,positive,trusting 3201,depressed,forgotten memories?,speaker,1,"I just wanted to see if other people have had the same experience as me. I was in a really bad state for two years, basically never left my room for some of it. I'm doing a lot better now (medication and therapy can really help, I promise!!) but when I look back at that time, I really can't remember anything? I try and think of specific events and they are genuinely a blur. It's like two years of my life just didn't happen. Anyone else have this experience?",0.7598,positive,nostalgic 3201,depressed,forgotten memories?,listener_1,2,Memory loss is common with heavy depression. The brain was protecting itself from the horribleness of the situation by not fully connecting to it. It's a weird feeling but it's actually really common.,-0.6486,negative,sad 3201,depressed,forgotten memories?,listener_2,3,This is not what is happening. Read my comment.,0.0,neutral,angry 3201,depressed,forgotten memories?,listener_3,4,"Repression is partly responsible for general memory loss in some cases of depression. Your mind blocks out a lot of the negative feelings/events (aka episodes of long bouts of depression, etc) that you experienced, which can also affect memory as a whole. Source: degree in psychology and has been explained to me by my own dr",-0.9422,negative,neutral 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,1,"My life has been hell for more than 2 years now. It wasn't that great to begin with but... But I had this friend, online. She was great. We talked all day, wrote stories together. She was... everything. She asked me out once, years ago but I was a mess then and said no... but I decided I'd go for it, you know? I'd fly out to her, check out work options there, figure out how to make it work. My job here was looking shakey anyway. Then my grandma's forgetfulness became full dementia. My parents didn't take it seriously so taking care of her and my grandfather was on me. I put aside my hopes for romance. But I thought I could do little things, maybe work on my health. Exercise? Eat better. Then my dad had a massive stroke and lost the use of the left half of his body. And I had to help with therapy and doctors' appointments and home changes... And then grandma needed hospitalized. Then dad's therapy switched. Oh and my shakey job IS failing and I'm down to 2 days a week, between dad and grandma. So I picked up Lyft. I can make it work. I can do this. Grandma breaks her hip but we work through that, too. And all through it, she's there for me. My life line. My anchor. My escape. She was the one bright light. And after 2 years of this I wasn't going to wait. I'd save up, some how, I'd work extra time on Lyft and get to her and we'd figure it out. I was even eating better and exercising. I lost 20 pounds. Life was going to work out! Even when my transmission blew that week on Tuesday, I wasn't going to let it stop me. I was going to her and we'd make it work! Then she died that Friday. Of an illness she didn't know she had. That was in September. And I've given up. I can't try anymore. Everything is pointless. I feel like a corpse that someone forgot to bury. Every time I try to improve my life, it gets so much worse. My therapist keeps trying to be optimistic but that feels cruel. Nothing's going to get better. How can it get better when she won't get any less dead? And what's going to happen next? She's dead because I wasn't there to take care of her. Everything just gets worse. I feel like I'm in quicksand and struggling just makes me sink faster. I'm so tired.",0.7862,positive,trusting 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_1,2,"I've been trying to think how to answer this since last night. I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your friend. It will take time to grieve and slowly move on. But that is possible, it's just going to be a rough road. I think your issue now is that you cannot be the primary caregiver to your family. I think this is what is holding you back in life. Have you discussed with your family that this responsibility of caring for both your father and your grandparents should not solely fall on your shoulders?",0.5652,positive,sad 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,3,"Unfortunately options are greatly limited. I'm not 100% alone though. For my grandmother, she still has my grandfather, but they're both in their 90's and miserably her dementia can make her paranoid and believe my grandfather is having an affair with someone on the other side of the country (she can't understand distance anymore properly). So sometimes he can't handle her and being 94, he needs help with doctors appointments, some shopping, etc. Thankfully he's an extremely healthy 94 yrs old. I have an uncle but... I don't know. He comes up and lives with them for months (he was there in Sept when I was feeling good). But then he leaves. He told us he'd be back just after the holidays. Still no sign of him. I have no idea and I'm exhausted from being mad at him. My dad is doing better. He can walk, not well but better than he thinks. He has my mom but she has serious chronic health problems of her own. I have a brother but he works 6-7 days a week keeping the family business afloat and paying my parent's bills. So he doesn't have anything more to give. I... have no options. My only chance is the same as before I lost her. Work like hell and find money to fix up my parents' home so they can be safe and comfortable while making the upstairs an apartment to rent, bringing in income. Taking the weight off me and my brother. All while taking care of my grandparents. But it's hard. And even if that works I can't see any happiness in my future. Best I can hope for is that it'll be less hard. But everything gets worse, no matter what. Case in point, I had some hope when my mother was told her parents had left her a pittance of money that could do a lot of good in their awful home. But her sister keeps finding reasons not give the money, so we'll have to sue and loose money on legal shit.",-0.3452,negative,lonely 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_1,4,"You are in a rough situation. I don't know if this is feasible but it might be time to think about your parents and grandparents living together. Your grandfather needs help with your grandmother (we went through a family member with paranoia so I know the toll it takes). And to be realistic, I don't think your grandmother will be around much longer so you have to plan for grandpa being alone. Having them all in one place will make life much easier for you. It also allows you to sell a place or stop paying rent at one place. As far as the money from your aunt, you can include in your suit payment of all legal fees. Often just telling her that not only will she lose, but that she'll have to pay more to cover legal fees on top of that (filing charges, court fees, lawyer, etc) is enough to make people just hand over the money. Online seems to be your escape. I would encourage you to continue to reach out to find new friends online, certainly not as a replacement for your friend, but to build your support circle and help you find others to talk to and unburden yourself.",0.9824,positive,suggesting 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,5,"Moving them together sounds nice but it's not possible here. There's a lot of tension between my mom and grandparents (80% the fault of my grandparents) and both houses are owned at least so no rent. And yes, you're right about the legal fees. I need my mom to take some initiative and call her miserable sister and see if we need to take that step. And yes, I feel awful saying it, but I'm hoping grandma goes soon. As she deteriorates her good days will get fewer and fewer and I want my grandma to have quality days, not quantity. When she does go, my uncle and I have discussed grandpap living with him. He's very independent but we both think he'd be miserable alone. And yeah, online is my main support atm. I joined reddit shortly after I lost her for **something** to do, people to talk to. I have two irl friends but while one is great the other... When I lost her said friend asked what she could do. I asked her to just be online some evenings, so I had someone to talk to. I didn't hear from her again for more than a month. ...So, yeah. And my parents have been... pretty uninterested in talking with me about losing her. But I'm trying to find new sources of social interaction, trying to shoulder on, do things. It's hard though. She was everything for so long. And all I can think of is everything I *should* have done. I feel... shut down. All the lights are turned off.",0.9001,positive,trusting 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_1,6,"You are still a fighter. During one of of the rougher times in my life when death was on my mind often, I signed on to Reddit like you. I poured all my energy into answering posts needing support. I felt like if I couldn't help myself, I would at least try to help others. Given your unique position of knowledge (the right is better than right now comment), you could provide much needed support to a very vulnerable community of young people who need guidance, encouragement, camaraderie, and support. Friendships may be able to grow out of this as well, even ones in real life. Certain subreddits try to create meetups in cities for local users. Another avenue is volunteering for a local organization where you can also meet people irl.",0.9672,positive,trusting 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,7,"Curse all you like, it's no problem with me. :) And thanks. It's great to hear from people who understand and it came at a good time as I was just wallowing on my couch when the alert popped up. Respite care isn't an option. We left her alone for a couple nights at the hospital and every time she had a full blown episode. (She didn't know where she was, thought the staff were burglars, she even got injured trying to fight them off. She still tells us about the strange men beating her up at the hospital.) Since then, the two times she's had to be at a care home after a bad fall, my grandfather stays with her all day and I stay all night (awake). Absolute hell. But, oddly grandma's episodes have been way down lately (for no reason at all). So that's been a help. Dad is still not as independent as he could be, but its improving. I... I'm still not anywhere near functional after losing her. Just a couple nights ago I screamed and cried till I was hoarse and vomited. I get dressed in the morning, I go to work, I do shopping, all the normal life shit, but really, in a way I'm still sitting on the couch, getting that phone call. So... Yeah I hear a lot how it's not my fault. Other people tried to get her to see a doctor, but... I'm a bastard sometimes when shit needs done. If grandma hadn't gone crazy, or if dad had taken her dementia seriously... and taken his own health seriously, then I'd have been there. I'd have seen her fading away. I'd have dragged her to a doctor. I'd have gotten yelled at by her but she'd have gotten the damn blood tests. I kept thinking I should go out to her, but then she said she was fine and I'd tell myself I was being silly, to buy a plane ticket to make someone soup. Right? Sure. But she died, all alone. Having no idea there was a happy ending in reach. We were *so close* to happy. So... yeah I'm still not seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. It feels like I'm far out to see and the only star I had is gone. And I'm a drift, with no idea where shore is. But. But it's good to hear from people. And if you're worried about irl people catching your posts here, make a new account just for that. The internet is perfect for anonymity.",-0.2686,negative,agreeing 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_2,8,"I'm going to assume grandma is on some form of dementia medication I hope. Maybe the medication is working. It's also possible she could be cycling. Does she have any antianxiety medications? It may help when she gets into the bouts of confusion. As far as your friend, even if you wouldve been there to drag her to the hospital, to get blood work, to see her fading, to get her to a doctor...she may have still ended up gone. Idk what her dx was but if it was bad enough to end up in death it may have been inevitable. I know it's hard to imagine and please dont get mad at me for this but maybe it's better this way. She didn't suffer for a long time, dealing with medical prodding and a life full of appointments, medications, trials, labs; I see it every day almost and its miserable to watch. Just as you werent alone neither was she. You had eachother. Even if she was physically alone she still had you. I wont lie and say it wont be hard to keep going on but you know what? As corny and cliche it may be, ""your track record for making it through bad days is 100%"" so that should mean something right? As far as making a fake name I just cant bring myself to do it because it feels like I'm being deceitful lol",-0.8665,negative,suggesting 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,9,"We're gonna have to disagree on that. But as far as alt names, it's not like styrofoampnut is your real name. So... deceit away.",-0.8159,negative,neutral 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,10,"But people survive leukemia all the fucking time and saying she'd have died anyway if she died without any treatment at all is pretty insane. And I've rewritten this reply multiple times in various levels of rage, so I'm gonna just say that telling someone their loved one is better off dead is so far from helpful for a grieving person, you can see the curvature of the earth. No part of this is *better*. Now I'm gonna go find a way to not completely",-0.9002,negative,angry 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,speaker,11,"Cus if someone dying from a disease without treatment is proof they'd die with it, then why have doctors and hospitals? Just close them all, I guess!",-0.636,negative,questioning 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_2,12,I will politely bow out now because I dont want what I'm trying to say be misconstrued or taken as an attack of some kind. Best of luck to you.,0.8062,positive,wishing 3202,depressed,I can't see any hope anymore,listener_2,13,Sorry for upsetting you,-0.5267,negative,sympathizing 3203,depressed,Fed up,speaker,1,I'm just so sick of being tired all day taking care of two kids and just getting them to nap so I can sleep. I have no money no social life. I dont have anything they look at me for guidance and I cant even fucking guide myself I'm 29 and just miserable. I dont see how life gets any better. As you get older your body basically decays until one day you just die. I will never amount up to anything I can barely provide for my children I just live in my in -laws basement the days are blurred and I hate myself more and more and do not want to be alive anymore.,-0.9257,negative,sad 3203,depressed,Fed up,listener_1,2,"I understand. I have been in a horrible habit recently of staying up most the night doing nothing productive at all besides kill time, only getting 4 hours of sleep, taking care of the kids, then napping for 4 hours during the day, then rinse and repeat. Same shit different day.",-0.8625,negative,agreeing 3203,depressed,Fed up,speaker,3,You're right I think I was at a bit of a mental break. My situation I can probably get around 3 hrs to myself. I live with my in-laws so they will take my oldest almost 3 yrs old but I dont think I can get a whole day. Having two is a challenge make sure to wait if you do want another I wanted mine to be close in age but it can be very difficult. I know this time is very fleeting but fuck it's hard.,-0.7639,negative,lonely 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,speaker,1,Just curious about the reasons that cause other people to be so down. For me it's the belief that I bring no value to anyone and have no happy future to look forward to.,-0.4086,negative,disappointed 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_1,2,"I’d say I feel the same way. I have this fear of being forgotten, that even if I’m friends with someone they’re not truly mine. I have this constant fear that each of my mistakes will be noticed, all my flaws and all my achievements seen with closed eyes. I feel as if there’s a monster following me, a monster chasing me. I don’t really see a reason too life. I wouldn’t kill myself, but I wouldn’t mind being dead either. I feel sad around my friends sometimes, I’ll be with the one I consider my best friend, and I’ll just be much quieter then normal. I can’t really express my sadness or why I’ve got a small depression trying to grow. I’m sorry if this is long, but, the way I think of my reason is a labyrinth. Dead ends, doors which tell the truth, doors which lie. Trust the ones you care about, but be careful. Enter the wrong door, choose the wrong path and it’ll never end. We are poisoned you could say, the antidote is another poison if you don’t chose the right doors. Again, sorry for the long paragraph.",-0.9797,negative,afraid 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,speaker,3,"I understand not wanting to tell anyone about your depression, once they know they'll always look at you a different way. I'm not suicidal either I just kinda wish I could fall asleep and stay dreaming and not wake up to this boring and pointless life.",-0.0844,negative,agreeing 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_1,4,"They really do, some judge you, some tell you things you’ve heard a thousand times and sometimes you’ll just hear nothing from them. I’m not suicidal either, but when you can’t find the reason to a happy life, or a meaning then sometimes being asleep forever sounds like the perfect way.",0.9489,positive,sad 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,speaker,5,Yeah hopefully we both can find something. I just want a reason / purpose to wake up and improve everyday. I just can’t find one or really care to.,0.8908,positive,consoling 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_1,6,"That really would be nice. I think you should start by looking at the small things you enjoy, and go up from there. There’s a book called ‘Every word you cannot say’ by Iain S. Thomas, it tells you things that you might be afraid of telling yourself, or things you can’t hear. I’ve read it, my aunt has too and to be honest, it made me smile when I was down. It was everything I couldn’t say. Maybe this would help you?",0.9295,positive,surprised 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_2,7,"I can definitely relate to this, lately I have been getting overwhelmed with anxiety and self doubt. I feel like if I express any of my thoughts or feels I have people tell me ""well I have it worse and this is why"" so it makes it hard to reach out to anyone.",-0.0258,neutral,agreeing 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_3,8,"You may need the injections, not just topical treatment",0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3204,depressed,What's the source of your sorrow?,listener_4,9,If you’ve read my other post you’d see my parents don’t want to put me on that stuff. I’m miserable physical mentally.,-0.4404,negative,sad 3205,depressed,fuck off,speaker,1,no one responded to my last post. the friend i was leaning on finally blocked me and he is blocking me on every single platform there is. i am hurting so much. i want to die. why isn'tt death a choice? i just want to press a button and be done with this fucking shitty cruel life,-0.9226,negative,sad 3205,depressed,fuck off,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3205,depressed,fuck off,speaker,3,honestly i'm tired at this moment. i may go for a nap for a bit or try to go for a walk but i'll message you later. i do want to talk. im so broken and tired of fighting,-0.9258,negative,neutral 3205,depressed,fuck off,listener_2,4,"me to, I know the feeling. I'm here if you wanna talk",0.128,positive,agreeing 3206,depressed,In a messed up situation.,speaker,1,"Almost two years ago I met a girl, well I don't know if it was just because I was single for so long or the fear of getting older and being alone forever, but either way I jumped in head first, it was definitely all or nothing and I fell quick. I ignored all my previous red flags that would normally be considered deal breakers and ended up letting her move in and eventually moving to a new state 2,000 miles away from my friends and family so we could start our new life together and have a better opportunity to raise her kids. Well we got engaged and everything seemed to be working out, well not even 7 months into living in the new state she slowly started getting more and more distant with me and finally decided she didn't love me anymore after spending almost 4 days away for ""me"" time. My head is constantly fighting battles with itself and it may be due to the fact that I have been cheated on so many times but even though she swears she hasn't I notice patterns from previous times I have been cheated on, and even though we are now broken up we still live together because I don't have the money to move back to my friends and family. I know I shouldn't care what she does or who she flirts with but it still bugs me and eats away at me.",-0.4756,negative,trusting 3206,depressed,In a messed up situation.,listener_1,2,"Are you guys married? If not, who owns the house?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3206,depressed,In a messed up situation.,speaker,3,"Nope, and we are renting, but until one of these new jobs comes through I am stuck because I can't afford to move yet.",-0.3612,negative,neutral 3207,depressed,I'm trying.,speaker,1,"I've been trying so hard to be the best person I possibly can. I'm trying to be kind, to think my words twice before I speak them, to make others' days better and have them smile. I send wholesome memes, I wish for clerks in shops to have a nice day, I try my best not to think or talk badly about people. But why do I feel stuck then? It feels like all of my efforts are going to waste. People compliment me on being popular and well liked but I honestly can't see it. Am I broken? I think so. My parents have broken me my whole life. My mother doesn't even prepare food for me during family meals. I'm so alone. I want to get out of here but how?? I'm so useless I can't even find a part-time job. Back in September a friend and I decided we would go live together and share a rent but because of me we never did. I really feel like killing myself.",0.8967,positive,disappointed 3207,depressed,I'm trying.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3207,depressed,I'm trying.,speaker,3,Thank you for your kindness,0.6705,positive,grateful 3207,depressed,I'm trying.,speaker,4,Thanks for being so kind,0.8056,positive,sympathizing 3208,depressed,"Can’t Even Do My Stupid AF Job, Want to Give Up",speaker,1,I work as a medical scribe because it will supposedly look good on my app to a master’s program in a health allied field. I completely fucked up yesterday and clearly can’t do the job. I feel like I can’t do anything. Had to drop out of school 2 years ago due to a mental breakdown. Idk how tf I’m going to pass my difficult chemistry classes. I just feel like giving up. I wish I would get in a fatal car accident.,-0.3804,negative,devastated 3208,depressed,"Can’t Even Do My Stupid AF Job, Want to Give Up",speaker,2,Nice. Now I’m getting downvoted.,0.4215,positive,acknowledging 3208,depressed,"Can’t Even Do My Stupid AF Job, Want to Give Up",listener_1,3,"You’re getting downvoted of because what you said in the last sentence. Yes, medical scribes is a very difficult job but you need to keep trying, it was your first day take it easy on yourself alright ? It will be worth it at the end just keep trying and don’t lose motivation",0.8102,positive,questioning 3208,depressed,"Can’t Even Do My Stupid AF Job, Want to Give Up",speaker,4,Thanks for downvoting me in support. /s This sub is fucked.,0.0516,positive,wishing 3208,depressed,"Can’t Even Do My Stupid AF Job, Want to Give Up",listener_1,5,I didn’t downvote you... i upvoted you.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3209,depressed,Well I fucked up. Like I could actually do anything right in the first place.,speaker,1,"I just ruined my 2 years clean from selfharm.I have 4 chronic illnesses, depression and severe anxiety and I've been in constant pain for going on 11 years. I'm so worthless I can't work, I'm worthless to everyone except my animals who I can barely care for some days. Other days I push myself to do it because they me help so much. I'm fucking disappointed in myself and I'm such a failure. I'd hate to think what my dad would think of me now, hes been dead going on 12 years now. He passed 4 days after my 17th birthday and nothing's been the same since. I despise my birthday and holidays arent holidays to me anymore since he's been gone. I just hate myself so fucking much",-0.9849,negative,ashamed 3209,depressed,Well I fucked up. Like I could actually do anything right in the first place.,listener_1,2,"I don’t know if this helps in any way, but everyone fucks up. I dropped a glass today and cried and was completely useless for a while. I also did some other stuff I hate myself for today. I always hate myself and am a huge failure and waste of space. But at least we’re still here. Still doing stuff. You support what I assume are wonderful animals, as do I, and we just keep living. I watch stand up comedy sometimes, that helps. I also do lots of origami (too much). I’m trying to send you lots of love telepathically through reddit right now. Um... yeah. Okay. Let me know how you’re doing tomorrow.",-0.1997,negative,ashamed 3209,depressed,Well I fucked up. Like I could actually do anything right in the first place.,speaker,3,Thank you for showing me the optimism in my situation. It sucks starting over but I did it once hopefully I can do it again,0.7003,positive,grateful 3209,depressed,Well I fucked up. Like I could actually do anything right in the first place.,listener_2,4,Absolutely. And now you have the experience of doing it once. You're not starting from scratch this time.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3210,depressed,I’m done,speaker,1,"I’ve given up on life. Not in a bad way. I’ve just realized it is shitty. And there is nothing I can do to change that. My parents are loving but aren’t supportive. I want to move out but I can’t, and I have zero money. I feel as if if I move and give myself that shock I can find beauty in the world again. But my life currently has fallen into a routine and I can’t change it. I’m writing this trying to get my thoughts out of me so I can hopefully forget them..... I feel so alone in the world. I only have 1 good friend who would actually care if I died. I need a change of pace for life. I need to find hobbies. But I just can’t.... I never have enough time or money for anything. And I’m stuck in this loop. Ugh. Yea. Thanks for listening Reddit",0.8499,positive,devastated 3210,depressed,I’m done,listener_1,2,I feel the same way. Stuck in a loop :/ kinda sucks. But I feel like it's my own fault.,-0.4773,negative,disappointed 3210,depressed,I’m done,speaker,3,I would move out. And I’m trying. But I’m only 16 and I’m trying for emancipation. My dream is to go to Alaska and take photos for a while,0.3612,positive,hopeful 3210,depressed,I’m done,listener_2,4,"I felt the same at your age, I was very depressed and hopeless. Just hold on to that dream, it will carry you through hard times.",-0.7397,negative,neutral 3211,depressed,got rejected and now i feel worthless,speaker,1,"A few months i confessed my feelings for a girl i had a crush on for 8 years. she said no and it was quite polite but i was broken, 8 years is not a joke and i felt so worthless i couldn't eat or sleep because most of the times i would cry and weep my self to bed. 2 weeks after the rejection it was her birthday and i had to give her something, something different and something unique so i drew her a portrait thinking it would change her mind or at least make her think over her decision ... but nope nothing changed we completely stopped talking after that happened and me thinking it would change her mind as if this was a sad romance movie. I know its not right to go for a girl who has rejected you but i couldn't help it but at least she liked the portrait...",-0.9874,negative,devastated 3211,depressed,got rejected and now i feel worthless,listener_1,2,"You can't make someone like you. Yes, it sucks that the person you like doesn't like you back but move on with life. We've all been there, We've all gotten over it. It's really not the end of the world.",-0.067,negative,sad 3211,depressed,got rejected and now i feel worthless,speaker,3,i know i cant make her love me but thanks for making me understand means a lot,0.3952,positive,neutral 3212,depressed,How can i be happy again?,speaker,1,"Hi, this is my first post here and i just wanted to write this to maybe get some help and stuff. So i just recently have been feeling very depressed about everything. I lost my grandma last year, i lost my girlfriend last summer. I have not been feeling good at all lately. I just feel like shit all the time and nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I have really no one to talk to, since my gf and i broke up.",-0.8577,negative,lonely 3212,depressed,How can i be happy again?,listener_1,2,Haha. Going through Same shit bro,-0.1531,negative,acknowledging 3212,depressed,How can i be happy again?,listener_2,3,"Anyway, in going through it too, so ur not alone",0.2509,positive,agreeing 3213,depressed,Tell me something nice,speaker,1,Not feeling good right now. Tell me some things that make you happy. From the smaller things to your philosophy of life,0.2321,positive,questioning 3213,depressed,Tell me something nice,listener_1,2,Life is just the waiting room. If you leave now you will miss your appointment.,-0.2023,negative,sad 3213,depressed,Tell me something nice,listener_2,3,"That’s nice, also a bit stressful. But nice overall.",0.5346,positive,acknowledging 3214,depressed,"Every day.(heavy content, be advise)",speaker,1,"Hello everyone. I’m 20 years old and I want to quite some questions. Since 2018 my life’s change, being down, empty and sad(typical signs of depression) i told my mon that i needed help, end seconds after, her starting crying and i think no-one wanna se your mom crying...So I decided not talking about this with her and my parents(not be a burden for them) in the middle of the last year I did some horrible thinks(self-harm) keep it at the final of December. Im always afraid of my friends forget me, cause im anxious all the time, having my highs and lows, I was never medicated, but i take some pills of medicines for sleep and headaches even was not necessary... For real, I don’t even know if i have depression, but several times i think about death and how kill myself and how im worthless for my friends, parents and peoples around me. I meet some friends that really helped me, but as always, im afraid of lost them, so I don’t create expectative i think this is a form to auto preservation that i find. Im here to vent and share my life at theses latests 13 months, and need to opinion about this. I never searched for help, cause I don’t want that my parents discover about my situation. Ps: at this moment im listening Heavy, of LP xD and sorry for anything that i wrote incorrectly. Sincerely, JP",-0.7988,negative,lonely 3214,depressed,"Every day.(heavy content, be advise)",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3214,depressed,"Every day.(heavy content, be advise)",listener_2,3,"That’s ok, you probably won’t change overnight. Just keep working on yourself and you’ll see the progress. The other commenters are probably right that you would benefit from some therapy or any help from a pro. I’m rooting for you bro.",0.8176,positive,agreeing 3214,depressed,"Every day.(heavy content, be advise)",listener_3,4,"Get help. Make your life better. If you are so worried about your parents, giving yourself a better life rather than losing a child is the best thing you can do for them and you.",0.8636,positive,caring 3215,depressed,why do i only enjoy music about self hatred and suicide,speaker,1,i try my best to be positive but nothing is as enjoyable as music about death and suffering and self hatred and disillusionment and repression,-0.9734,negative,sad 3215,depressed,why do i only enjoy music about self hatred and suicide,listener_1,2,Same,0.0,neutral,faithful 3215,depressed,why do i only enjoy music about self hatred and suicide,listener_1,3,You should listen to sadboyprofilic and NF,0.0,neutral,angry 3215,depressed,why do i only enjoy music about self hatred and suicide,speaker,4,pacific purgatory- Kill Me!,-0.7177,negative,afraid 3216,depressed,What is wrong with me?,speaker,1,Today is another sad day. I don't have any clue why but I was feeling great about myself and the day but now I just feel empty inside. I feel like anything could trigger it too... Is it just me?,0.8126,positive,sad 3216,depressed,What is wrong with me?,listener_1,2,Maybe you're overthinking too much or cause of bad weather or there is something wrong happened that you were remembered. Could be anything! If you ask me I get used to depression by now.,-0.8908,negative,suggesting 3216,depressed,What is wrong with me?,speaker,3,Maybe I dont know,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3216,depressed,What is wrong with me?,listener_2,4,And that's the joy of it! If you don't know it means you still have something to learn!,0.6579999999999999,positive,neutral 3216,depressed,What is wrong with me?,speaker,5,For sure.,0.3182,positive,agreeing 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",speaker,1,"me being sad and depressed, i should be in the company of loved ones, to support me, but i have this feeling in the back of my head that i should be alone, and i feel like it would benefit me; i said about my thought to my friend and she disagrees with me. what should i do?",0.8457,positive,lonely 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",listener_1,2,Move on and go find a hobby. Skate or paint. Find your new self.,0.0,neutral,consoling 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",speaker,3,it’s mainly just in school because im usually alone anyway at home,-0.25,negative,lonely 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",speaker,4,do you mean as in take up a hobby or?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",listener_1,5,Play video games? If you have Xbox we can play together lol. let’s kill other players online instead of killing ourselves lol. I’m really sad too because of adulthood reasons and I think I can say hang in there. You’ll get better.,-0.2944,negative,consoling 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",speaker,6,"usually when i go to play a video game, i just end up listening to my music the whole time, and it doesn’t really bring me joy anymore.",0.7553,positive,nostalgic 3217,depressed,"alone, in my own thoughts, scathed by the past",speaker,7,"thank you, i appreciate it (sorry for late reply, got phone taken off me)",0.5994,positive,sympathizing 3217,depressed,Life sucks,listener_2,1,"I'm only 20 and have problems with my prostate, my family constantly uses me as an escape goat and makes me feel like ass when they want to make themselves feel better about them selves I have anti biotics and I'm being told i have to walk across town if I want to feel better when its incredibly painfull to even sit let alone walk not to mention its -10 out life is just fucking peachy.",0.0258,neutral,angry 3217,depressed,Life sucks,listener_3,2,Sorry to hear that. I don't understand how people can act that way. I hope your medical issues clear up soon and your family stops being their worst selves.,-0.128,negative,sympathizing 3217,depressed,Life sucks,listener_2,3,Thanks friend I as well,0.802,positive,grateful 3217,depressed,Life sucks,listener_3,4,"For sure for sure, you got this.",0.5574,positive,agreeing 3218,depressed,I made a decision a long time ago to take myself off the board and I really wish I went through with it,speaker,1,"And don't tell me it's not the answer. I don't know if there's something wrong with me or the world, all I know is I shouldn't be here, I wish I wasn't here I hate being here",0.3814,positive,angry 3218,depressed,I made a decision a long time ago to take myself off the board and I really wish I went through with it,listener_1,2,I'm deleting this because you posted it twice,0.0,neutral,angry 3218,depressed,I made a decision a long time ago to take myself off the board and I really wish I went through with it,speaker,3,"I did? Sorry, don't know how that happened!",-0.1511,negative,sympathizing 3218,depressed,I made a decision a long time ago to take myself off the board and I really wish I went through with it,listener_1,4,It was word for word the same so my guess is there was some glitch with Reddit. But I didn't want you worried if you saw your post had been removed.,0.2498,positive,neutral 3219,depressed,Yikes,speaker,1,"Hey guys this is my first reddit post ever. I apologize if my grammar is off and stuff, I don’t exactly write my feelings out. Well here goes nothing. I’m in high school. I’ve been suffering from depression since 4th grade and it seems that with each year that passes, I get even worse. I can’t imagine a future for myself. I’m not a bad student or anything it’s just that I have no passions or motivations to continue going on. I’m on meds but it seems like the pills aren’t working. I’ve been fantasizing about ways that I can kill myself more often than not. I know I won’t ever be able to go through with it because I’m too scared of pain and death. I’m just so fucking tired. I can’t get out of bed sometimes, I can’t meet deadlines, I can’t find any joy. Well the last part is a lie since I only spiral out of control when I’m left alone for periods of time. But even if I’m with friends, it’s hard knowing that once I go home, I’ll just be left with my own thoughts. I don’t know what I’m hoping to get out of this since reddit is really new to me. I just need a place to say this to because I feel like I’ll be locked up if I told anyone’s in my life how I’m feeling. Sorry for this baggage.",-0.9021,negative,sad 3219,depressed,Yikes,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3219,depressed,Yikes,speaker,3,Im a junior,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3219,depressed,Yikes,listener_2,4,"I will say this, Senior year of high school is fun, everyone is just trying to enjoy their time before everyone goes off to college. But college is where your life really starts. I don’t mean to be a cliché, but I’m 24m and hardly ever find joy in life unless I’m with friends. And college is where I found my true friends. I graduated in 2015, and I still talk to most of my college friends. Especially if you move into dorms, you will never be alone. Most nights me and my roommates would stay up till 5-6am listening to music, hearing how each one of us grew up, and just having a good time. And when we slept and woke, we would get breakfast together, go to class, and repeat that over and over again.",0.9851,positive,sentimental 3219,depressed,Yikes,speaker,5,It’s hard to continue to have that hope because I thought it would get better in middle school or high school. I just wish there was a switch in my brain where I can just stop. I just want to sleep for e very long time. No matter how much I try Im always tired.,0.5407,positive,hopeful 3219,depressed,Yikes,listener_2,6,"There’s always people to talk too about it. Friends and family are good, tho sometime they’ll feel like it’s better if they get someone professional to take over. There’s hotlines all around the world that will help too. And even here on Reddit. We’re a great community to chat with and share ideas and advice, with privacy in full effect since no one knows anyone here. High school is a hard time tho, you’re close to being an adult, and yet you don’t have that much of freedom. The more you talk to people, the better it will help, in my opinion. Have you talked to anyone about it??",0.9798,positive,trusting 3219,depressed,Yikes,speaker,7,I’ve had a therapist but it didn’t seem to help. My family could only afford to pay for one hour a week and I didn’t feel like that was enough time to flesh my feelings out. I thought it made it worse bc I felt like I had to suppress my thoughts and feelings until I got to see my therapist that week.,0.6486,positive,sad 3219,depressed,Yikes,listener_2,8,"It takes a while to type, but you can always message me or reply to the thread or however and I can get back to you ASAP. If it’s just to vent or chat or whatever. I have loads of free time so I always have my phone on me!",0.6948,positive,suggesting 3219,depressed,Yikes,speaker,9,Thank you so much for this motivation!! :),0.8331,positive,grateful 3220,depressed,I feel sad all the time and I’m in a very unhappy situation.,speaker,1,"I grew up in an average sized town and I lived there for most of my life. I have so many close friends and fond memories in that town. Most of my friends were lower class people(this is relevant later). I lived and went to school there up until 8th grade. I thought it was obvious that I was going to go to the public high school in that town with all of my friends and I was going to do well not only academically but athletically too. But my parents floated the idea of looking at more challenging private schools for me because they and a lot of my teachers thought I had immense potential. I wasn’t completely opposed to the idea so I went along with it. My eyes were opened to this whole world of prestige private school that I had never heard of before. There was this one school in a city about 1 hour away from my original town that my parents really liked, but it was really hard to get into. If I committed to this school it would mean moving as well. I toured the school and was really impressed by the teachers and campus, but I started to feel uneasy about the whole situation. After I shadowed there I realized that the kids at this school were extremely wealthy and most of them were pretty weird. Long story short I ended up applying to the school. A few months later I got an email from the school. It asked if this school was still my first choice. Keep in mind this was before I knew I was going to get in. I was left with a dilemma. If I say no to the email the school wouldn’t accept me, but if I said yes there was no turning back. I wanted to say no, but I wasn’t brave enough to tell my parents that. I ended up replying yes to the email and a few weeks later I got my acceptance letter. I realized I might of made a mistake that will affect me for the next four years of my life. The summer before school started was spent hanging out with all of my old friends before I moved. On the first day of school I realized that the kids in my grade were also extremely wealthy. I seriously tried to keep my mind as opened as possible, but I found out that most of the kids were either spoiled or unlikable. I did find a few friends though, and I still like them to this day. The first few weeks were not that bad. I actually enjoyed a few of my classes and I had fun. One thing that made the experience a lot better was playing on the football team. I soon noticed the extreme differences between private and public school. There are these super rich annoying kids that constantly make fun of me for whatever they can think of. The worst thing is that they continuously make fun of me for being on financial aid and the new, very small two bedroom apartment that I live in. The issue is that I can’t handle it like I would’ve at my old school. I can’t fight them because I would get thrown out of school, but believe me I would absolutely kick their ass. I am just sick of getting called poor. The kids at this school are so annoying. They have never had to work for anything in their life. Another aspect of the school that is tough is the academic rigor. I have at least and hour or two of homework a night after a two hour sports practice. I also hate how much social justice they shove down everyone’s throats. They always talk about all of this political correctness. Everyone is so pretentious. School is just an overall terrible experience. I wake up and dread going to school. I feel like I am caught in this loop of doing the same shit every day. Wake up - Go to school - Practice - A ton of homework - Sleep. I just feel sad all of the time. I have started procrastinating a lot and I just feel like I’m letting myself slip. I feel so alone and isolated from not only the kids at this school but everyone in my life. I have found a few things that act as an escape from reality. I play video games with my friends from my old school, I have gotten into weight lifting, and I love playing football, but stuff like that doesn’t make the sadness go away forever. There have been nights were I just stare at the ceiling for hours just thinking about how sad I am and what I can do differently. I blame the sadness on myself and I also tell myself that it will all be fine. I have cried myself to sleep, skipped meals, and stopped enjoying things I used too. I’m hoping it will all get better and I will adjust to these rich kids. They are so clueless to what the real world is like. In the back of my head I know that this is a great opportunity for me, and I am very grateful for that, but if I am miserable what is the point. Regardless, I know my parents won’t let me transfer anyway. I lost a lot of friends from my old school too just because they found out I was going to private school. I am still losing old friends because I never see them. I am not rich enough to be liked at my new school, but I seem too rich to be liked by my old friends. I know I am kind of rambling on right now, but I just feel unhappy all the time. Things just kind of suck right now. I just feel so alone.",0.9973,positive,confident 3220,depressed,I feel sad all the time and I’m in a very unhappy situation.,speaker,2,If you have time please read the whole thing.,0.3182,positive,neutral 3220,depressed,I feel sad all the time and I’m in a very unhappy situation.,listener_1,3,"that sucks man, it really does and i sincerely apologise about your situation. firstly, there is still hope, you have to talk to your parents. you might not like this idea but if you want to stop losing friends and all, you need to talk to them. this will alleviate the burdens on your shoulders a bit and it’ll be a relieving conversation even if you don’t get the answer you want, if you don’t get the answer you want, you need to push it, talk about your experiences, and the suffering you are going through, i know this one is hard but talk to her about your mental health, ive managed to do it myself and it really helps if you talk to someone about it. and hopefully you get the answer you desire. and you get your friends back. i am sorry about it because i can relate.",0.9133,positive,sympathizing 3220,depressed,I feel sad all the time and I’m in a very unhappy situation.,listener_2,4,Maybe put some paragraphs in if you want people to read it all. A wall of text can be offputting.,0.0772,positive,suggesting 3221,depressed,Someone help me,speaker,1,"I don’t know what to do.Im in 9th grade, have been rejected once, now I like someone else than my former crush, and I kind of feel like that she is not interested in me.I don’t want to get rejected again, because it would end in a suicide thing.Im already depressed....",-0.9179,negative,lonely 3221,depressed,Someone help me,listener_1,2,"See a therapist ASAP. Seriously, relationships aren't all what they're chalked up to be, but saving your mental health is totally worth it. Make an appt.",0.3484,positive,agreeing 3221,depressed,Someone help me,listener_2,3,"As a girl... yeah I agree. We’re not worth it. There are literally millions of us running around, I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.",0.6524,positive,agreeing 3221,depressed,Someone help me,speaker,4,"Thank you so much, you’re much kinder than people around me, and this is just weird in a positive way... I mean people on the internet try to make me feel better, but the people I know better don’t really care.",0.9365,positive,grateful 3221,depressed,Someone help me,speaker,5,"I don’t think humans work like that, but I respect(understand) your point of view.(Wish you a good day)",0.6808,positive,wishing 3221,depressed,Someone help me,listener_2,6,"That sucks, I’m sorry. I get what it’s like. My family doesn’t know I have depression and they didn’t know I had an eating disorder until the doctor told them. I’d been trying to hide it because I wanted to be left alone (still do), but it still hurts that they wouldn’t notice anything. Feels like they only care when someone else tells them they should.",-0.2023,negative,sympathizing 3222,depressed,Never give up,speaker,1,As im giving up while typing this... i don't wish this sadness upon anyone. You will find hope.,-0.0857,negative,consoling 3222,depressed,Never give up,listener_1,2,You don’t either OP,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3222,depressed,Never give up,speaker,3,I don't give up? Sorry man I'm highly intoxicated,0.0572,positive,sympathizing 3222,depressed,Never give up,speaker,4,Been trying homie. Rip to myself,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3222,depressed,Never give up,speaker,5,I can't walk. Haven't been able to for days since I've been chugging fifths,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3222,depressed,Never give up,listener_2,6,"then just walk around the house, take a shower even if you're just standing under the running water",0.0,neutral,acknowledging 3222,depressed,Never give up,speaker,7,🙁 my life is really just.. Nothing but thanks for caring!,0.2334,positive,sympathizing 3222,depressed,Never give up,listener_2,8,"hey man you good? go have a snack, like toast or a glass of mike even",0.6597,positive,questioning 3222,depressed,Never give up,listener_2,9,"no, ok i'm not asking now, go take a shower, 5min, 10min, 20 even an hour even just standing under the water but i want you to go do it right now",0.2617,positive,neutral 3223,depressed,5 more months to go till I'm at peace,speaker,1,"I don't know who will read this. I just want you to know, someone to know I've decided to give it 5 more months . I'm was sleepless in bed at 6 am yesterday when it hits me like a bolt of lightning. I need to do this. I don't care enough about myself to fight anything anyone anymore. Once I decided I've had the best sleep I've had in months. So peaceful 5 months Then I'm out of this world. I've tried therapy I've tried everything else. I've been in a lot of pain and it hurts to keep living. I have nothing left. I can't eat or sleep. I may keep posting but this here is my deadline.",0.0629,positive,content 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,speaker,1,"It might sound crazy but i think im gonna die by 35. Im playing dota professionally for almost 4 years now and im having fun with it, you could also say it saved me from my depression. I also had a goal that i would one day coach a team or maybe own a brand or whatever. But yeah, to sum it all up, i have no other plans outside of my career. Idk why i even write this down but this idea i had was always in my head ever since i started going professional. It doesnt make me sad thinking that one day i would die instantly because of how unhealthy i am right now. but man im just happy that im gonna die doing something i love. (Im having several back pains and im gaining weight nonstop, with 0 exercise daily) PS. Im 21yo",-0.6672,negative,hopeful 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,listener_1,2,Playing dota professionally thats really awesome but the title really shattered me why bro whats going on you can tell me,-0.3597,negative,neutral 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,listener_2,3,he answered,0.0,neutral,neutral 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,listener_1,4,I can totally understand i also tried to tell my close one about the things i was going through and he started crying. Also its good that you are doing really great in dota also im a semi pro csgo player and i also dont have a life other than that. Just wanted to say you are not alone we all are in this together,0.7125,positive,agreeing 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,speaker,5,"Its not that im completely sad about it, its just that. I havent really told anyone about this at all. Except that special friend i have.",0.3626,positive,lonely 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,listener_1,6,Oh sorry i misunderstood,-0.4019,negative,sympathizing 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,speaker,7,I guess the thing that scared my friend the most is how early i already saw myself dying.,0.0772,positive,terrified 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,listener_1,8,I hope you live long enough to see yourself becoming a dota coach :),0.7096,positive,encouraging 3224,depressed,Dead by 35,speaker,9,I honestly think its a life well spent already.,0.6249,positive,content 3225,depressed,Everything is wrong,speaker,1,I just want to scream. It won’t help. I got fired from my job. My gas is on E. My abusive husband has a newborn by teenager and my child was stillborn. I have bills due. I’ve exhausted family help. I just feel like giving up but I will keep pressing forward for my kids.,-0.29600000000000004,negative,devastated 3225,depressed,Everything is wrong,listener_1,2,"Your right life is crushing, and it can be hard to cope with. I have had a hard life as well, look for things in life that make you happy, surround yourself with those things. You said the Magic words your kids, they are the most wonderful thing God gave us, cling to them for support and reap the joys of their happiness and together you'll find a way, they need you and you need them, I believe that my children save my life once, if I did not have them I'm sure I would not be here today. Love and your children will keep you going, forge on with them and you will be victorious. Good Luck",0.9861,positive,faithful 3225,depressed,Everything is wrong,speaker,3,Thanks so much. My children are my happiness and without them I would have threw in the towel. I can’t thank God enough for them,0.8779,positive,grateful 3225,depressed,My mind,listener_2,1,"I don’t know if anyone loves me, I don’t know why things happen, I don’t know why loved one grow distant, I don’t know why I think so much and I don’t know why good things have to have a ending... I’m tired and I’m sad",0.6705,positive,sad 3225,depressed,My mind,listener_3,2,"I’m feeling really depressed and suicidal right now. I don’t know how to help you, sorry, but I hope things get better.",0.6675,positive,sympathizing 3225,depressed,My mind,listener_4,3,Same for me. Everybody ignores it/me or just laughs about itt,0.2732,positive,annoyed 3226,depressed,Question,speaker,1,"Is it possible for depression to just swing in and out? One minute I'm ok next I'm in the bathroom on the floor crying next I'm trying to find something to keep me happy. I haven't been on my depression meds due to no insurance but I'm hurting physically everywhere i dont want to go shower and I'm not going to put any makeup on tomorrow. Usually I'm what my boss refers to as ""circus chic"" glitter eyeshadow, cute accessories, happy, friendly personality. I wonder if all this was triggered from one of my closest friends leaving my job yesterday for good I screamed and cried the whole way home and i didnt sleep at all because of it. Day before that I was doing ok.",0.9075,positive,embarrassed 3226,depressed,Question,listener_1,2,A single day of feeling crappy is not depression. You seem to just be an emotional person.,0.1275,positive,sad 3226,depressed,Question,speaker,3,Thanks I'm just worried itll all set me back I went to a doctor for my actual depression during the summer at the urging of the friend I just lost because I quit taking care of myself I stopped eating I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and I just hurt all the time I kept wanting to crash my car I feel like I'm headed back to all of that.,-0.6908,negative,anxious 3226,depressed,Question,listener_1,4,"I'm not a psych so I can't diagnose you but it just doesn't sound like depression if you are continually fine until something sets you off for one day. With ongoing depression you can have good days and bad days, but often time with bad days there isn't necessarily a reason for them. They come out of nowhere. That you had a trigger for feeling shitty for a single day is a sign to me that your emotions are working properly, though you could be a tad over emotional. That's just my opinion. Like I said, I can't diagnose you. But as long as the bad days are few and far between, I think you may be out of the woods.",-0.9315,negative,neutral 3226,depressed,Question,speaker,5,I appreciate the feedback I guess I just needed to get some of this out but picked a bad spot to do it in.,-0.5994,negative,embarrassed 3226,depressed,Question,listener_1,6,"Don't worry, you are welcome here.",0.6604,positive,acknowledging 3227,depressed,Feeling Done,speaker,1,"I feel like I have no one. I’m just so alone. Everyone on the outside thinks I have such a perfect life but I don’t have anyone I trust to talk to. I had an ESA for several years and honestly, she saved my life when the depression got so bad, I wanted to die. She was a rescue dog. I loved her more than anything. However, she passed away unexpectedly two months ago and I’m not handling it well. She was perfectly healthy and not even old. She wasn’t supposed to die. My SO is emotionally abusive, I have a toddler who I love so much but my heart breaks daily because he prefers my SO to me. He’s constantly calling for daddy and trying to go to him instead of me. I have no family. I have no close friends. I have nothing. I hate my life and I’m tired of fighting this battle alone. All I want is to feel loved. I don’t know what I expected to come from posting this. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",0.5442,positive,lonely 3227,depressed,Feeling Done,listener_1,2,I'm here if you wanna talk,0.0,neutral,questioning 3227,depressed,Feeling Done,speaker,3,"Thank you so much for that. I’m feeling kind of okay today. The feelings all hit me the hardest at night, unfortunately.",0.3612,positive,grateful 3227,depressed,Feeling Done,listener_1,4,"I understand, nights are pretty rough for me too lol I dont get tired until late but i get lonely and all of my friends are usually asleep so i have to just watch youtube on my phone until I pass out",0.6811,positive,lonely 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",speaker,1,"Hello. 16 (17 on March 7th) M here. I was born 2 months Premature, so my brain got kinda funked up. I also have ADHD, either Autism or Aspergers or Non-Verbal learning disability, depression, and some other stuff. I have always had lots of untapped (untappable) potential. I always have had so many good ideas, and never been able to complete them. I've always been stuck somewhere closer to normal, but not normal. Ever since I was young, I was put into both categories at school and out of it. This led to an issue going into highschool, as in my area (Windsor, Ontario, Canada) their was no options for me to get a proper education tailored to me (as that's what I need cause I don't really fit in any catagory). Going into highschool my Mom and Vice Principal both made a plan for me, which was to just plop me into a normal High School education (I was in a God-awful mesh between normal and special-ed classes) with (just like in Elementary) humongous classroom sizes. Way to many students. My Ma (two Mom's cause Lesbians) very much disagreed and was correct saying that this was a terrible plan. It really messed me up. Although finishing the first semester, I gave up mentally. My brain just kinda snapped under my PTSD, Crippling Anxiety, Depression, Confusion, Despair, etc. After doing 2 special classes for the second semester, Grade 10 eventually rolled around. I had normal courses this time. I couldn't do it. I went to school the first day, I just kinda snapped again. I fucked up. Now, I'm in a treatment center/school... I hate it hear. I still live at my home (s) (because my parents split up, which actually was good cause their terrible together. Sadly I gained my Ma's anger, so I'm a very angry/miserable person towards my parents whom I love) which is good, but the school is very restrictive and limiting. Life is terrible. I don't even have all my grade 9 credits... I don't want to die. I don't want to die... But it really feels like the only option. My family's basically poor, I failed school basically, I don't enjoy life as much as I hate it, I wish I wasn't born, I'm going nowhere in life, and many other things (another one is that my Ma is American, but I can't get my American citizenship because she's married to a Woman...). I don't know what to do. I fail at everything I do. Is their anything I can do to improve my life? Any advice? At least something to help me stop fighting with my parents...",-0.9909,negative,disappointed 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",listener_1,2,Advice for you; Dream for your future. Think big. You CAN do it. No-one in the history of ever has been able to know their story at your age. I didn't. Try to write your parents a letter. Just ask them to read it after you leave for school. tell them how you feel and let them know what you want to do. I know it sounds dumb but they will not know what is up until you tell them. I hope it helps you and if you don't think you can write it out that is okay too. I am rooting for you. &#x200B; (I don't want you to die either),0.3219,positive,hopeful 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",speaker,3,"Thank you... They know and have been trying to help me, but it hasn't worked... I do hope things get better though.",0.8834,positive,consoling 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",speaker,4,"I want to, but my parents seem to disagree...",-0.5023,negative,annoyed 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",speaker,5,Thanks dude. Very inciteful,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3228,depressed,"Don't want to die, but it feels like the only option.",listener_2,6,"Been there bud, if anything just have a sit down with them and try to convey your feelings to the best of your ability and just tell them how much you’re struggling you might have already done this or are trying to sry parents can be dicks sometimes if all fails try to involve a third party maybe like a counselor or close family friend, parents won’t listen sometimes so it’s good to get an outside voice/perspective.",0.9096,positive,suggesting 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,1,"Today is my birthday and none of my friends care. None of them have even bothered to text me. No posts, no calls, no smoke signals. I've spent my day with my family, who loves me. But I'm a loser with no friends, it's official. And it sucks.",-0.8711,negative,lonely 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,listener_1,2,Thats sad but happy birthday and enjoy ur family time :),0.9231,positive,wishing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,3,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,4,"Thanks mate. Ngl, this comment in particular just lightened my mood. ""Happy fucking birthday"" is how I'm gonna wish people from now on lol",0.9022,positive,wishing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,5,Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,6,Very true. I just wanted things to be different... Thank you though!,0.7082,positive,agreeing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,7,"I definitely agree that it has been partially my fault. I've had a tough year and I'm sure I neglected my friendships, but they also didn't reach out, even in the toughest of times. And for that, idk if it's actually worth it.",0.2356,positive,agreeing 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,speaker,8,Unfortunately it's a sad reality... Happy belated birthday to you as well! Hope the year brings you the best.,0.8268,positive,consoling 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,listener_2,9,"Haha omg no problem at all. I'm so glad it did! Honestly, I like to come loudly marching in, clapping in a vigorous 3/4 to my homebrew version of the old classic.(contains a catchy chant) Please know in spirit I'm doing it for you all weekend. Hope you had the happiest of fucking birthdays, my friend. I'll be in the same boat come the 28th for my 30th, *violently vomits*, so I apologize for the long response haha I have been predrinking.",0.9806,positive,joyful 3229,depressed,Today is my birthday.,listener_3,10,"Tks bro, for us ;)",0.2263,positive,acknowledging 3230,depressed,really dont know how long i can go on,speaker,1,"ive always been the kid with overprotective parents and theyve basically chose the path that they think im supposed to be in. im 20 and they think that they have the right to choose who i can be with and who i cant. my prtner and i have been having problems ever since we got together because where i come from parents approval is everything. and in my case my parents did not approve me being with him but i lived my whole life according to their decision so this time i say fuck it. this year on valentines day, my parents got to know that i was still with my bf and they decided to text him to leave me alone. so on 14/2/2020 i lost the one person who really understands me, the one i can really open up about anything :) it was also his birthday and my fcking parents ruined it. having overprotective parents who think that all their decisions are right is just exhausting. i look strong on the outside but at night ill be crying my heart out in the shower. wtv i say really means nothing to them and i dont see any reason for me to keep living anymore. this is not my life but its theirs. im sick of it",-0.9408,negative,faithful 3230,depressed,really dont know how long i can go on,listener_1,2,"This is such a sad situation and I'm sorry you have to go through this but in my opinion I feel like you need to physically tell them ""stop making decisions for me I'm a legal adult"" cause you are you are a 20 year old your parents shouldn't be telling you what to do anymore and honestly I think your parents are being absolutely disgusting towards you",-0.2592,negative,sad 3230,depressed,really dont know how long i can go on,speaker,3,ive tried everything :( the only plan i have now is just to earn money enough for me to get out of the house. thank u anyways <3,-0.1027,negative,sympathizing 3230,depressed,really dont know how long i can go on,speaker,4,since im still studying i normally go home during breaks and thatll be maybe 1 around a month? staying home fir even 1 week can be torturing sometimes but i have no where else to go yknw so i dont have a choice,-0.6486,negative,suggesting 3230,depressed,really dont know how long i can go on,listener_2,5,"Hey it’s good that this is hitting you because clearly you respect mum and dad’s opinion. You want them to approve of your decisions that’s important too because you care about their opinion too. I think if you shift your perspective internally (ie loosening your weighting of your folk’s opinions in your own mind). I think if this happens all actions undertaken by your folks just become a little more easier to bear... because it doesn’t matter to you as much. (You’re listening to yourself more and forging your own way imperfections and all). I say keep respecting the guys that raised you with the ethic to get to college/uni, (with your internal perspective shift) take it for the week/ month. Let them get it off their chests what they have been saving all semester... when you are back at school you do you. But just take a breath, live your life. You’ll have money, probably fall in love at least 4-5 times, move places and jobs, and have kids and make friends and enemies along the path. Maybe fight in a war or have to survive a viral apocalypse 😂Stay sane with the folks. Your world is bigger than you can imagine.",0.6258,positive,acknowledging 3230,depressed,im so sad,listener_3,1,why wont someone help me???,-0.4211,negative,questioning 3230,depressed,im so sad,listener_4,2,Hello... Why are you sad?,-0.4767,negative,questioning 3230,depressed,im so sad,listener_5,3,hes a troll!! https://www.reddit.com/r/lonely/comments/f49579/i_cant_stop_crying/fhp1rdx/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf,0.0,neutral,annoyed 3231,depressed,My body is used to the tears now.,speaker,1,It's gotten to the point where I don't even need to cry anymore. I just sit down and the tears start dropping from my eyes.☹️,-0.7506,negative,content 3231,depressed,My body is used to the tears now.,listener_1,2,Not sure why but I'm not able to cry anymore. I used to cry myself to sleep every single night for years.,-0.3182,negative,sad 3231,depressed,My body is used to the tears now.,listener_2,3,"I'm at that point. I made a massive amount of efforts but my surroundings brought me back to emotional violence and hurting to the point I repressed so much violence and sadness I feel emotionally dead and have no tears nor joy. Last week I called for an apointment, I consider drastic measures now, like moving far away from my family. I do quite fine in a neutral setup... so hopefully I'll be back to positive.",-0.8516,negative,sad 3231,depressed,My body is used to the tears now.,speaker,4,Thanks a lot.✊,0.4404,positive,wishing 3232,depressed,I'm here for you.,speaker,1,"Talk to me. Vent to me. Tell me anything and everything you want off your chest. If you need help, or just someone who will listen to you, I am here. This can be one sided or I can share my life with you too. I've been through quite the rollercoaster of a life myself, and will vent to you if it helps. Anything we talk about will be kept private, between you and me. Im just a 25 year old guy who's lived through his own personal hell. I know what it's like to desperately want to die, to leave...to just go. And I also know what it's like being stuck in a world you cannot leave. I have always put everyone else around me before me in life, because I genuinely care and believe the most important value in life is happiness. Happiness is all that matters. Everything roots back to happiness, and learning to embrace it and find it in any way possible is the most valuable skill you can obtain. It doesn't matter how old this post is when you read it. Whether it be a week, or a year from now...I will be here for you. So vent to me and let's see where it brings us.",0.9707,positive,trusting 3232,depressed,I'm here for you.,listener_1,2,Glad there's people like you out there who genuinely look out for people:'),0.6705,positive,grateful 3232,depressed,I'm here for you.,listener_2,3,There are endless people in our community who actively answer posts and look out for other people. These are the people you should thank. Don't fall for this self-advertisement with zero contributions.,0.5859,positive,faithful 3232,depressed,I'm here for you.,speaker,4,I've reached out to many people in private chat so far. I will not discuss personal matters where it can be publicly viewed.,0.0839,positive,trusting 3232,depressed,I'm here for you.,listener_2,5,B.S. Your account is 1 month old. You just found this subreddit.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3233,depressed,Please don’t leave me ....,speaker,1,"What I tell myself in my head ... when I think any person wants to get close to me. I already fast forward to that person leaving me and me on my knees , lying on the cold floor , tear stained and falling asleep. In relationships, in friendships... I would say I am cold but .... on god my childhood was not the brightest but it wasn’t so exciting. Abandonment might be my biggest insecurity... and other things and probability Vulnerability. Well yea...",-0.7289,negative,apprehensive 3233,depressed,Please don’t leave me ....,listener_1,2,yeah abandonment and induced avoidance is a PITA,-0.8415,negative,neutral 3233,depressed,Please don’t leave me ....,speaker,3,Oh yea ... pretty much I am in a protective mode,0.4939,positive,agreeing 3233,depressed,Please don’t leave me ....,listener_1,4,"it's a tough game, we need a group, but at the same time we need a group that suits us",-0.0644,negative,neutral 3234,depressed,I’m here no matter what..,speaker,1,Read the title,0.0,neutral,questioning 3235,depressed,Is it just me?,speaker,1,"When I'm depressed, when I'm at rock bottom (almost always), it seems like everyone is just perfect, it always seems like everyone's got their shit together, and I'm the only fucked one.",-0.5574,negative,jealous 3235,depressed,Is it just me?,listener_1,2,Not just you. We all think that about others. But what lies behind the facade is not always accurate.,-0.5719,negative,jealous 3235,depressed,Is it just me?,listener_2,3,I feel EXACTLY like this. I graduated from college and I’ve been looking for a job for months now. Everywhere I look it’s all of my friends having jobs and getting married and just living their lives happily. And I just think holy shit I’m literally the only person who doesn’t have their shit together even though I’m trying so so hard.,-0.0552,negative,jealous 3236,depressed,I’m only admitting this here in hopes to hold myself accountable... I rarely brush my teeth. :-/,speaker,1,So when I get depressed I stop brushing my teeth. I know it’s silly but I just can’t make myself whenever every other aspect of my life is struggling so I’m hoping to answer to myself by admitting on here. So that’s it for now.,-0.3143,negative,ashamed 3236,depressed,I’m only admitting this here in hopes to hold myself accountable... I rarely brush my teeth. :-/,listener_1,2,"We're here for you and can relate. I don't bathe daily like I used to. I go two or three days at a time in between, now. I know what you're going through. Our motivation to do even the simplest of things is greatly hampered by our (seemingly) eternal sadness. I struggle to sleep at night 🌃 because of an Insomnia-type thing going on with me. When I do sleep 😴, it's only for 2 or 3 hours and I'm up again due to a constant stream of bad dreams and nightmares, on a rotating schedule. If it's not one, it's the other. I need to sleep 😴. I want to sleep 😴. But I'm afraid to sleep 😴 because of the mental and emotional torment I face every time I do sleep 😴. I don't want to live but I'm too chicken 🐔 to kill myself. 😭",-0.9305,negative,sad 3236,depressed,I’m only admitting this here in hopes to hold myself accountable... I rarely brush my teeth. :-/,listener_2,3,This is not a children's book. We don't need an illustration for every word.,0.0,neutral,confident 3236,depressed,I’m only admitting this here in hopes to hold myself accountable... I rarely brush my teeth. :-/,listener_3,4,"I like children’s books. Plus I want to point out that you are complaining about something that is not truly important. Do you realize that this person just told you he/she is depressed and telling you how they feel? And you decide to comment on the fact that you personally don’t like emojis? Why does he/ she have to stop using them simply because you don’t like them, someone he/she has never met, probably will never meet. I’m going to remind you that this is subreddit depressed. Be positive or don’t comment. Think of others besides just thinking of yourself and imposing your rules on other people. Have a great day.",0.4333,positive,annoyed 3236,depressed,I’m only admitting this here in hopes to hold myself accountable... I rarely brush my teeth. :-/,listener_1,5,"What the hell are you talking about?? If you're insist on interjecting your mediocre thought process into mature conversations, at least try to elaborate and make sense, okay? Try. With all of your might. Come on. You can do it. We believe in you, champ. 🙄😒",0.4098,positive,trusting 3237,depressed,Today is my birthday...,speaker,1,"It's my birthday today. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy but I feel so empty and sad. I don't know what I want to feel. Should I feel happy? Do I want to be happy? Why do I feel like this? I don't self diagnose with depression but I do know I'm just so sad everyday... I don't think it counts, people have it way worse and I'm just fine tbh I went out for dinner with my family, it was a good distraction... But when I get home it all hits me again. I miss the good times, when I smiled for no reason, I hadn't had this empty feeling. I'm crying rn and I just wanna scream out but it's late and I don't wanna wake anyone up. Silent crying hurts a lot... I don't know what's wrong with me. I wanna feel as carefree as everyone else I wanna feel happy that I'm alive, not wish to die when I have a great life, I'm better off than others who don't even have food yet I feel like this?! Why. Why is it that I feel so miserable? I feel so lonely and I miss everyone who has left a good impact on my life and then ended up leaving. I don't know whether or not I wanna kill myself or just keep pushing through with no plan in life. I don't even know why is wrote this, I'm honestly just talking to myself, voicing to myself that this is what I feel and trying to clear up what's going on.... Idk I just don't wanna feel like this",0.9508,positive,sad 3237,depressed,Today is my birthday...,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3237,depressed,Today is my birthday...,speaker,3,"It's hard to... Talk to people. I can't open up and tell someone honestly how I actually feel, because I feel vulnerable. I've recently gone to therapy but I can't bring myself to tell her the truth... I feel weak... I know it sounds dumb but for me it's so hard to tell her the truth She asked me on a scale of 1 to 10 how depressed I feel and I tried to answer truthfully, saying 7. That's the only thing I could get out of me....",-0.7140000000000001,negative,embarrassed 3238,depressed,Finding the energy to go to the store,speaker,1,"Every week it’s the same. I’ve been trying to live off the crackers and cheese and slightly moldy bread I have at home because I can’t muster the energy to go to the store. I live by myself so everything pretty much spoils anyway because I can’t use it quickly enough. It’s so frustrating. As my list gets longer I dread the journey more and more because it feels like such an undertaking. I can’t stand the bright fluorescent lights. They make me feel so disoriented right when I walk in. The carts get in the way and the aisles are so narrow that it makes for a very awkward experience. What’s more, I’ve waited until Sunday, which is guaranteed to be the busiest day.",-0.2257,negative,ashamed 3238,depressed,Finding the energy to go to the store,listener_1,2,I tend to get my shopping delivered to my door :),0.4588,positive,anticipating 3238,depressed,Finding the energy to go to the store,speaker,3,That’s a good idea if you can afford it.,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3238,depressed,Finding the energy to go to the store,listener_1,4,"Here where I live, it doesn’t cost any extra.. or some places charge like £3.50. But I agree with the person below me, use the need to shop as a tool to get out and change your headspace if you can.",0.6124,positive,agreeing 3238,depressed,Finding the energy to go to the store,listener_2,5,"It's actually not a good idea. The more ways you can find to avoid leaving the house, the easier you are making it for yourself to stay in your secluded world sink further into it. Any reason to get out of the house is good. That doesn't mean it's easy. But it's forcing you to get dressed, possibly shower and brush your teeth, interact briefly with other people. So yes it's hard, but keep doing it. And be proud of yourself that you accomplish it.",0.9088,positive,neutral 3239,depressed,Am I even depressed?,speaker,1,"I feel like I'm in such a purgatory state. I domt know where else to post this so I hope its okay but I keep seeing people in far worse conditions than me and it's making me think that my feelings are just being made up of like the idea that everyone my age (17) is fake depressed and I'm one of them. I have no friends, no confidence, domt go out and only.speak to.poeple online. I hate myself and everything's there but I still have the annoying idea that I'm not actually depressed and 'pretending' because its a stereotype that people my age are. Not sure what I'm posting this for but some thoughts would be helpful",-0.9578,negative,lonely 3239,depressed,Am I even depressed?,listener_1,2,"hey, i lowkey kinda feel similar. wanna chat and maybe we both end up feeling a little better?",0.4779,positive,suggesting 3239,depressed,Am I even depressed?,speaker,3,Sure x,0.3182,positive,agreeing 3240,depressed,Hurts.,speaker,1,"I'm insane... I havent told anybody whats wrong with me, and I only posted a bit on this subreddit, but I'm insane.. I just cant work up the courage to ask for help.. I cant...",0.34,positive,ashamed 3240,depressed,Hurts.,listener_1,2,"I believe in you friend! Plenty of ways to go about it anonymously, whether that’s calling a health consultant or using online resources. Practice recognising your symptoms with yourself, so when it comes to seeking help from someone physically (which is completely normal) you’ll have to courage to voice your struggles. I hope the best to you!",0.9358,positive,trusting 3240,depressed,Hurts.,speaker,3,Thank you. I know those words dont mean much but thank you,0.6124,positive,sympathizing 3241,depressed,Long time sufferer first time poster,speaker,1,"So I have suffered from depression due to chronic pain and its resulted In heavy drug use, for many many years a lot of the time I'm ok when I'm in work etc I just numb it with drugs and get on with my day but now I'm broke as I have had a real bad patch with my back, no job cant fund my wants for drugs to quiet down my toxic mind I'm just forced to face it. The nhs in the uk as much as they try there best mental health is not there priority I has constant thoughts of I'm better off dead and keep reliving my last crash that caused all this.. I'm just lost I could do with a bit of guidance, thanks for reading",-0.964,negative,sad 3241,depressed,Long time sufferer first time poster,listener_1,2,"Some hospitals run a pain clinic. Look online for your area. I feel you though, I'm on Tramadol 3 years now chronic shoulder pain but can I get any frigging help?! Nope. Still waiting for the orthopedic referral 2 years later.",0.2457,positive,questioning 3241,depressed,Long time sufferer first time poster,speaker,3,"Been with the pain team for a year now, I'm on oxycodone, brutal drug the hill Billy heroin :/ but it's now doing nothing for my pain now.",-0.4492,negative,sad 3241,depressed,Long time sufferer first time poster,listener_1,4,Maybe they can change you to something else like Tramadol?,0.3612,positive,suggesting 3242,depressed,I think I have body dysmorphia,speaker,1,"I think I have body dysmorphia I guess it started as a child, I grew up in a physically abusive situation and we were so so poor. We would cook multiple packs of ramen for lunch (was always homeschooled so a hot school lunch wasn’t an option) saltine crackers with pb&j was the staple for the day before my dads payday. The food we had was rarely healthy and the abuse was constant. As a college student I found adderall and lost what I felt like was a ton of weight. I ate for comfort as a teen and I guess I lost like 30-40 pounds by just not eating. I’ve never been able to shake my fat self, I never felt even at my smallest (5’7 120lbs) like I’m an acceptable weight. Now I’m at 150 and I have curves but eating is hard for me. It’s like a constant battle to be the person that everyone else seems to see and I can’t. It’s so goddamn frustrating. I look in the mirror and see a morbidly obese person but my diet isn’t helping to fix it. I don’t know what to do.",-0.9119,negative,ashamed 3242,depressed,I think I have body dysmorphia,listener_1,2,If you want to you can talk to a therapist about that. You don't sound overweight. Has anyone told you that?,0.3421,positive,questioning 3242,depressed,I think I have body dysmorphia,speaker,3,"I actually have spoken to a DBT therapist for many years but never on this topic. Because I’m not technically overweight, it gets brushed aside. Yes I’m told frequently that’s I don’t look overweight to others but it does nothing for what I see.",0.4525,positive,embarrassed 3243,depressed,How do you go about everyone ignoring you?,speaker,1,"I [23M] have no friends. I try to make friends but with no success. I have a lot of people love to me on Snapchat she I will send out messages to like 5 or so people at a time but all I ever get is left on read. Someone told me maybe I need to offer something. Instead of just saying hi, maybe say hi and ask if they rod like to grab lunch or something? I’m just too anxious and socially uncomfortable doing that. It’s hard when you’re sad and have nobody to talk too",-0.2672,negative,lonely 3243,depressed,How do you go about everyone ignoring you?,listener_1,2,I feel you. The platform Snapchat is all about being out there and entertaining. But that's not you. Perhaps you need to rethink your relationship with social media. There are meetup groups especially designed for anxious people perhaps you could have a look. Just throwing ideas around here. Basically you need to dig deep into yourself. What do _you_ enjoy doing? You don't need to keep up with your friends it's not a competition. Good luck.,0.8554,positive,suggesting 3243,depressed,How do you go about everyone ignoring you?,speaker,3,Part of the problem is I used to have so many friends and talk to so many people and for whatever reason now I can’t even get a hi back. Thanks for the advice,0.5542,positive,lonely 3243,depressed,How do you go about everyone ignoring you?,listener_1,4,I'm sorry you're feeling down. I really am. I've been through similar things. Being friend ghosted hurts a lot. I really really hope you can meet some new people who are more on your wavelength. Hope you have a good day wherever you are.,0.8615,positive,sympathizing 3244,depressed,Depressed introvert,speaker,1,"I’m 18, an introvert, and depressed. A while ago I started loosing interest in things I’ve always liked. I love anything art. I’ve been in band since 3rd grade. Now I’m in high school and I’ve lost interest in band. I don’t really have any friends. I started to accept that I’m depressed this weekend. I don’t wanna tell my family because I don’t think they can help. I want outside help. I’ve been thinking I should tell my teacher from last year. I feel as if that would be good for me versus me telling someone I’d have to see everyday... I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’m an introvert, I don’t talk much. I want help but don’t know how to go for it. I don’t feel loved or remotely cared about. It’s part of the reason I don’t wanna tell anyone. I keep telling myself ‘once I get a license and a car, I’ll get a therapist’ but I don’t even have a job to start saving up for a car. I don’t have the family that gets you a car. So who knows how long that’ll take. I have 3 months till I graduate high school. I want to tell my teacher that I’m depressed while I still have access to help. I don’t want more than one person knowing. I don’t want to tell my teacher in person in fear of breaking down before I can even get any words out. I want to email him but I don’t know what to say. Can someone help me with how to go about this? Sorry for the jumbled up reading.",0.9612,positive,lonely 3244,depressed,Depressed introvert,listener_1,2,"I’ve had similar circumstances im 23 and still struggle sometimes. If you’re still in school, if it’s anything like my school we had access to people in school who you could see for help like a guidance counselor or something. I would try that. Or email your teacher and say something like “hi ____ I have been having trouble with ______ lately and just don’t know how to talk to anyone about it. Do you think we could talk in private some day? “ no need to lie about it. If you’re anxious to bring it up. Tell them. That’s what I’ve leaned over the years. Speak up for yourself, don’t be afraid to admit you’re anxious to talk about it. Teachers are very understanding and will always keep your business a secret. I hope this helps it is very late and I’m also scrolling through Reddit because of my own depression and having no friends to talk too. Good luck I hope you find help!",0.905,positive,suggesting 3244,depressed,Depressed introvert,speaker,3,I’m not sure I can email him about it anymore. Last night I was ready to do it but I keep overthinking it. I think I’m just freaking out about telling someone at all. I think I’ll just wait till Friday after school to email him. Until then I’ll just try to figure out phrase the email.,-0.5316,negative,apprehensive 3245,depressed,Can pride lead to depression?,speaker,1,"I was told that one possible explanation why my depression relapses is that I have pride in my heart, in addition to low self-esteem. Can pride and low self-esteem co-exist?",0.2732,positive,disappointed 3245,depressed,Can pride lead to depression?,listener_1,2,"They can for sure. I often simultaneously think I'm better than others, and also a failure unworthy of anything.",-0.2732,negative,ashamed 3245,depressed,Can pride lead to depression?,speaker,3,I see. That’s one way to look at it. Thank you.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3245,depressed,Can pride lead to depression?,listener_1,4,"My experience is certainly not the same as yours, so take it with a grain of salt.",0.34,positive,agreeing 3245,depressed,Can pride lead to depression?,speaker,5,"Yeah. But I do feel the same way, I mean, like what you said.",0.5927,positive,agreeing 3246,depressed,What can I do to stop me from staying in bed all day?,speaker,1,"Hey, I am going to start out by saying I am not clinically depressed. I don't even think I am depressed myself, and I feel awful for posting in this sub but I cannot think of a better place to put it. The reason I am asking in here, is that I am doing something which many depressed people do, and I thought you would have some solid advice to help me stop. I hope this doesn't come off as insensitive. If it does then please let me know where is best to ask, I will delete the post and resubmit somewhere else. I currently don't have a job, it's been around 4 weeks since I had one. It was a family business which we sold, and it took so much out of me that I decided I wouldn't find a job right away, and take some time to recover. I'd appreciate it if you didn't try to persuade me to get a full time job, and respect my wishes. I will be going travelling in the summer, so I can't find a career yet. I don't fancy a full time job until after summer, so I will be looking for a part time temporary job in the coming weeks to tie me over. I thought I would love all the free time I have, but it's making me feel shitty. I've spent most of my days in bed, with nothing to do but watch films and go on my phone. I'm busy in the evenings probably 3 or 4 times a week, but as most people are at work in the day time it's hard to find things to do. I just feel really cooped up, I hardly leave my house as I have nothing to do, but at the same time I'm not ready for a full time job. I just want to feel the benefits of having a less stressful environment, whilst still having a life. I also can't do things which cost a lot of money, like I can't go shopping every day etc, as I don't have an income, and while I do have savings I'd like them to go towards travelling in the summer. So I'd just like some inexpensive ideas on ways to get me out of the house every day, keep my mind and body active so I don't feel so cooped up. Thanks.",0.9916,positive,suggesting 3246,depressed,What can I do to stop me from staying in bed all day?,listener_1,2,"Too much free time for me equals bed all day. The only thing that gets me up is making set plans. Sign up for stuff, organize things with friends, etc. If I leave it up to my own whims, I’m not going anywhere.",0.7351,positive,prepared 3246,depressed,What can I do to stop me from staying in bed all day?,speaker,3,My friends are all at work until early evening. I need plans to do on my own,0.4767,positive,lonely 3246,depressed,What can I do to stop me from staying in bed all day?,speaker,4,"Yeah, I volunteer somewhere every week. I've thought about the library, I'd like to make my free time useful, to grow as a person and learn more. I've wanted to get into reading more, I might start today. Thank you for your kind message, I appreciate it.",0.9552,positive,grateful 3246,depressed,What can I do to stop me from staying in bed all day?,listener_2,5,i was gonna suggest that volunteering did wonders for me it got me up and stop me being this complainy whiny needy beast which my depression sometimes makes me of course since i am spiritual i kept it a secret i wanted everyone to keep thinking i am negative and depressed slut that also gave me more energy the rep not the sex also i tried the meet up app it sucks a lot but it did open me up to local video game haunts since gaming now is a money attracting sport find a hobby find others that like it too or just do it alone,-0.7354,negative,neutral 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,speaker,1," Hey Rediters, just recently, i beat years of depression. I was constantly feeling upset and very very lonely till i started to excercise more often and took regular walks outside. I´ve come to learn myself a lot better since. I found out that if you first train your body, your mind will automatically find itself in a better place. After this you can get started to treat your mental health more efficiently. When I followed a cardio training schedule for a few weeks, I felt much less often alone and I was much less scared or stressed. In the end, I got better and better and I was able to feel when I needed my rest. When I get the feeling that I need to take it easy, and just have to do something, I just turn on my favorite music, put on my Humidifier (Smells amazing btw) for a nice breath of fresh air, and start thinking about nothing. At such moments you just enjoy the moment and try to think as little as possible. Hope you can apply some of these things as well, since I believe that no one deserves to suffer from mental health problems.",0.9501,positive,proud 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,speaker,2, Forgot to add the music i listen to. (Thought one of you might be interested) Spotify [Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/14qQx1Xfrv874K6GC9kKNd?si=qmX_ftjDRWi-src_jEumPA) Cardio Training [Scedule](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.shape.com%2Ffitness%2Fcardio%2Ftriple-play-cardio-plan&psig=AOvVaw1v8ha7TIQ2N7BwNfeOq559&ust=1582038352908000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAIQjRxqFwoTCKj2hbXu2OcCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAK) My [Humidifier](https://humidspace.com/),0.4696,positive,ashamed 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,listener_1,3,OP is a spammer and they are advertising their products. Look at their post history.,-0.4939,negative,angry 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,speaker,4,"Thank you so much, are you doing well?",0.5574,positive,questioning 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,listener_2,5,"It's been a stressful year so far already. My friendships are kind of suffering from it at the moment, which makes me feel quite lonely recently. I've been trying to find a good balance but work kind of needs my attention at the moment. But luckily my friends are understanding and I know it'll be less stressful by the end of march, so it's rather a minor inconvenience I don't want to waste my otherwise good mood on. Thank you for asking :)",0.9275,positive,grateful 3247,depressed,I finally beat my depression!I finally beat my depression!,speaker,6,Its all going to be alright 🙏 just gotta believe in it...,0.25,positive,faithful 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,1,"people mostly think that being depressed has come from the person being in an unstable situation: i.e, insecure relationships with partner(s) or parents/guardians, but it’s not. i live very well with my lovely parents and my two younger brothers and sister. only now have i had the urge to cut myself, maybe because i think it’ll release a burden off of my shoulders, or it’ll help me somehow but i have a feeling it will help.",0.7808,positive,neutral 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,2,"Even if your home life is stable, it sounds like something in your life isn't. You talk about needing relief from a burden. That's a real feeling and just because your home life is good, it doesn't mean you can't be upset about other things weighing on you. Life isn't black and white. You can have things good in one area and still be unhappy and that's okay. Cutting doesn't fix anything. The burdens are still there, only now you need bandaids. And who needs that bother? Why not come here and tell us all about your troubles? I find it helps a lot. That and a glass of ice water and a good stretch.",0.8378,positive,sad 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,3,"well thank you for talking to me, and i appreciate it a lot. ive been having this feeling, or thought, that i need to be alone everywhere that i go, even in school where i can never be alone considering classes and whatnot. i feel very uncomfortable around my core friend group, and idk if they have noticed yet, but i might just have lunch or break by myself in school. there’s also this girl that was part of the core friend group called Anna, and me and her had started talking because she knew i was sad and she wanted to help. after a few times talking to each other, i started to like her. and she knew i started to. i might be ranting rn, idk ive never really said this stuff on here before, but im distraught and lost. yesterday i got the bus to a shopping centre close to where i live and i was looking out of the window and i was thinking what life would be like if i ran away as soon as i got off of the bus, i didn’t do it, but i had the thought, and both thought have been lingering inside my head for a while now, being lonely, and running away, and now i thought that cutting might release some of that pressure on my shoulders of wanting to fulfill those thoughts, and out some things to rest.",0.379,positive,lonely 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,4,"Yeah, running away always sounds nice, doesn't? Of course then you have all these new worries about where to sleep and food, but I have the same thoughts. Just walk out and don't come back. Yeah, it's got some appeal when you first glance at it. But if you feel the need for alone time, take that alone time. Take a walk. They're free. Get some fresh air and think without the chatter of friends. And think about your new friend and how you want to proceed about her. Or maybe your brain needs a rest from thinking. I get like that a *lot*. I turn on an audiobook and take a walk. The talking of the book drowns out my thoughts and I get a break from worries for a while. If you don't like audiobooks, maybe try podcasts? Something to keep your brain focused on something other than your problems.",0.6556,positive,lonely 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,5,"i do take walks often and i go to the gym in an attempt to make some space for myself from other people. but now ive has the thought of maybe i should hurt myself. i had the intention of me today going for a walk and just letting my anger out on a tree or something to see what happens, like punching the tree with all my might and anger. but i don’t think i should do it for some reasons",-0.9253,negative,suggesting 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_2,6,"If you're in school, you tried a counsellor or your doctor",0.0,neutral,neutral 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,7,"Punching a tree won't really help. (The part of you that knows that is holding you back, cus trees are hard and covered with bark. I once lost my temper and punched a cinderblock wall. I *don't* reccomend it.) There are punching bags at the gym. Maybe try that? Do be careful how you punch though, so you don't get a twisted wrist. And have you considered talking to your mom or dad about some of your feelings? You say they're good parents so I'm sure they'd want to know and help you out here.",0.3535,positive,apprehensive 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,8,"ive been going to counselling for a bit and it seems to be working, but the thing is with my mum and dad, they are very good parents but i don’t think they would get it, like they wouldn’t be able to relate to me if you know what i mean",0.8196,positive,neutral 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,9,That's great that you're seeing a councilor. I'm glad to hear you're talking with someone irl and that person is a pro. And your parents might surprise you here. They were kids once. They remember what it was like and how stressful it can be. It could be a real help to have them on your side with this. They really know you and love you a lot.,0.936,positive,grateful 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,10,"i feel like a burden to them, like a disappointment and if i tell them everything, they won’t help or do anything",0.128,positive,ashamed 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,11,"I know when you're feeling down everything seems so horrible, but they're there to take care of you and help you. That's their absolute main focus as parents. Letting them care for you is exactly what they became parents for. They don't want or expect you to take on everything alone.",0.8326,positive,caring 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,12,what do i do?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,13,"Go see your mom or dad, give them a hug, and tell them how you're feeling. They're there for you. You just have to let them in. It's hard, I know. You get used to tucking everything away with depression, but bringing it out and talking to a loved one helps so much.",0.8591,positive,sentimental 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,14,"i will try, i will try my best to talk to them. i hadn’t really imagined this day but here we go. Thank you so much, i will never forget you, much love to you my friend ❤️",0.9581,positive,wishing 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,15,I'm glad to hear it. And remember this board is always here for people who need to talk. ❤,0.802,positive,grateful 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,16,"Thank you again, and take care of yourself too, it seems like you talk to people often on this board, don’t forget to take some time to yourself and don’t take on a lot that you know you can’t handle",0.743,positive,agreeing 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,listener_1,17,Will do.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3248,depressed,thinking of hurting myself,speaker,18,yea i know it was my counsellor,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3249,depressed,3 in the morning and I just need to say this...,speaker,1,"I’ve actually never really told anyone this full story and tonight I just really needed to write it down to get it off my chest. It’s long as hell so here’s my Spark Notes version: Section 1. Not knowing I could actually be depressed Section 2. Trying to solve my exhaustive state of living Section 3. Seeing how life can actually change for the better Section 4. Still dealing with contributing problems from close family/friends Section 5. Thanking you if you got this far I never had been the “depressed” type of person that I feel like psychiatrists would diagnose. Growing up I was a good kid and had a good family. I had hardships but was always able to bounce back. But as the years went on and I grew up into my 20’s, the self deprecating jokes turned from laughing from their absurdity to me thinking “haha...damn but like I really feel that tho”. Not to go into too much detail but the past 6 months I have been just incredibly depressed. The worst part being that I didn’t even know that I was. I always figured that depression was something that you started off having as a child that just grew from there. I found out at my doctors office. He’s a close doctor to me and my family and has seen me grow up within the past 6 years. I went in because I was just exhausted every single day. I had no energy and everything I did was in just some way painful (but like not physically...?) from having to exert the energy to complete tasks. I have an auto immune disease so I just figured it was just my symptoms flaring up. For months I had been asking my doctor to raise my medication that treats my disease because in the past that was usually the case to give me more energy that a normal person would have. But for 3 months I kept on asking him to raise it but my blood tests were all normal meaning that he can’t raise my medicine. He then asked me a bunch of questions like how I was feeling and if things were going to get better which I audibly laughed and said sharply “no.” He then prescribed me a common antidepressant and said try this and let’s see if this can help and if not we’ll move on from there. And it was incredible. And I can’t stress enough how much I don’t mean it feeling incredible is me saying I-get-high-from-this-drug. Truly it was the ability to just feel happiness again was like a warm wave crashing into my heart. I was so shocked how well the medicine changed my entire perspective because I thought that everything I was feeling was just normal everyday sad thoughts and nothing more. It made me realize that no, you’re supposed to feel somewhat kind of happy day to day instead of just hating life. Life after my prescription has been so much better. I do have to admit, if there are days that I forget to take my medicine I start to feel just overloaded with dark thoughts and uncontrollable emotions. And I do have my set backs. There are currently 3 people in this world that know I’m being treated for depression. 1. My mom who doesn’t really know the severity of it 2. My incredibly supportive boyfriend who has been the biggest help in all of this 3. A random friend that I told None of my additional family members know or even my extended family. We’re a huge Italian family and everyone is in everyone’s business so having to keep this from them has been a struggle and it feels isolating. Sometimes they’ll poke fun at me and take it a little too far and I’ll just be thinking in my head “I barely got the confidence to leave my bed today, can you please not??” Unfortunately telling my family would just cause extreme chaos and it would have them CONSTANTLY jumping to a worse case scenario situation and be like “aRe YoU oK? aRe YoU wAnTiNg To KiLl YoUrSeLf?!”. But in reality depression isn’t just I’m completely fine and then boom all of a sudden suicide. There’s so so much more in between that they wouldn’t understand. Anyway, that’s my story if literally anyone has kept around for this long. Really no one knows my whole situation and coincidentally I can’t couldn’t them either from it just causing panic. Thank you for allowing me to share this, it feels really good just to be able to talk it out. And I continue to try to work on myself and my situation to keep getting better. Because in the end, this beautiful life is so worth living and I just want to be able to enjoy it.",0.9924,positive,ashamed 3249,depressed,3 in the morning and I just need to say this...,listener_1,2,"I'm starting to think about getting on medication, I know I'm depressed but Idk if they're gonna work",-0.4118,negative,apprehensive 3249,depressed,3 in the morning and I just need to say this...,speaker,3,It really helped me a lot. I actually in the end had to up mine but I didn’t have any bad side effects from it. All I can say is just try because what do you have to loose?,-0.8271,negative,neutral 3250,depressed,"Lost my dad, boyfriend, job all in one year",speaker,1,"My dad died and shortly after my boyfriend broke up with me and shortly after that, I lost my job. It’s been SO HARD to get a new job because it’s extremely competitive. I went from being the one making the most money to barely making 100$ in a week. I’ve been unemployed for a year and I’ve been temping to get by. I do get call back from jobs but eventually they just reject my application. I sometimes feel like I’m being punished. Which sucks because I KNOW IM A GOOD PERSON. I feel like my will to live is slowly being drained. What do I do? My friends try to help but realistically. Everyone has their own life and their own problems. Help.",0.1019,positive,devastated 3250,depressed,"Lost my dad, boyfriend, job all in one year",listener_1,2,"I'm so sorry. I get where you are, 100%. I'm in a similar spot, actually. It's... rough. Having job problems are hard enough without grief and loneliness coming in. And there's no fixes to be had. You just... cope as best you can. For grief and loneliness, I got a reddit account. And a therapist. But the therapist is hard to manage when money is going wrong. Thankfully I have a roommate to help. Maybe look into community programs? For the money, if you have a reliable car, look into Lyft/Uber. It's far from ideal, but it's flexible. When the awfulness of it all is too much, I can stay home. When you're hurting, a flexible schedule is good.",0.8816,positive,sympathizing 3250,depressed,"Lost my dad, boyfriend, job all in one year",listener_2,3,I apprec this. I'm not the op but just searched on topic as struggling. Took new job moved away and in long run I'll be better off but very tough economically now,-0.2592,negative,grateful 3250,depressed,"Lost my dad, boyfriend, job all in one year",listener_3,4,Wait.. that's actually a thing? I remember seeing it in Zeitgeist.,0.0,neutral,surprised 3250,depressed,Idk anymore,listener_4,1,Shits just rough and I'm broken and breaking even more slowly over time and it just sucks I just want the sweet release of all the anxiety and depression and mental breakdowns for no reason,-0.9001,negative,sad 3250,depressed,Idk anymore,listener_5,2,I just wish I weren't so fucking broken,0.6885,positive,sad 3250,depressed,Idk anymore,listener_4,3,I'm here if u need anything,0.0,neutral,sympathizing 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_6,1,"diagnosis: major depressive disorder & generalized anxiety disorder I see a counselor and a psychiatrist. I feel alone. I feel sad, empty and like there isn’t a person who understands me. I’ve been so uncomfortable and overwhelmed that I haven’t eaten in a few days. When I do eat my stomach throws it up, I can’t even keep down water. I don’t know what to do, I don’t feel like those around me understand how depression really effects me and I try to explain but no one seems to try to understand or help. My counselor hasn’t even answered my messages when I do ask. To those around me I seem like this loner, moody, girl. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I wanna die.",-0.9284,negative,lonely 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_6,2,I don’t want to be alone anymore.,-0.1779,negative,lonely 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_6,3,I have I am at the highest dose 150 mg she’s a little worried to go up to 200 mg she said it’s very rare for a patient to go up to a very high dose,-0.228,negative,apprehensive 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_6,4,Since I was 17 I am now 19 turning 20,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_6,5,thank u.,0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_7,6,"You should follow with your psychiatrist/psychologist they must know what's going on with you these days, maybe you need more sessions or they need to adjust your medication. I'm so sorry to see you struggling with your thoughts. You also need support. Any family member or friends there for you ? You need to talk louder, don't set alone with yourself and don't listen to your mind and to it's negativity .. don't give up on yourself",-0.0775,negative,questioning 3250,depressed,I need help.,listener_8,7,Then the medication you are on is not working for you or another medication needs to be added.,0.0,neutral,questioning 3251,depressed,Parents=Depressed,speaker,1,"I have crazy strict parents who won't let me do anything i want. I am all ready depressed af and fell empty. They want me to d awesome in school because they think I'm smart, which im average at best.",0.8225,positive,lonely 3251,depressed,Parents=Depressed,listener_1,2,"Well open up to them about it, see how they truly are",0.6124,positive,trusting 3251,depressed,Parents=Depressed,speaker,3,I couldn't open up to them if you know what i mean. They aren't that type.,0.0,neutral,embarrassed 3252,depressed,Yup,speaker,1,Thats all,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 3252,depressed,Yup,listener_1,2,You like metalcore?,0.3612,positive,questioning 3252,depressed,Yup,speaker,3,For sure a7x and atreyu go a long way,0.3182,positive,agreeing 3252,depressed,Yup,listener_1,4,As i lay dying? Killswitch Engage? A day to remember? Wage War? &#x200B; Here's my playlist [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6DpZaum18VAXaGGb9SMl0j?si=0EKqqaAiQ8a6hieWZluC-w](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6DpZaum18VAXaGGb9SMl0j?si=0EKqqaAiQ8a6hieWZluC-w),-0.5362,negative,questioning 3253,depressed,I feel so much but so empty?,speaker,1,"At this point, I don't know what is wrong with me. I still hate myself and how I look, my personality, my anxiety. I feel like everything I do that's important I do on autopilot and most everyday things I just don't do at all. I'm not starving depressed because eating is one of the only things besides reddit that gives me a dopamine boost. If I could eat all day without feeling sick or hating myself I would. I can cry in pretty much any situation simply by thinking about the fact that I exist. It's not that I can't see a future for myself, it's that in this moment everything is torture and I fear that one day I'll be on a high building by myself and just take the plunge. The only thing keeping me alive is my mom and my best friend who has had a way worse life than me but is still pushing along and even getting better I think. I'm proud of her but I know if i hurt myself she would be destroyed. I feel like people are the worst and best thing about this world. The contradictions kill me and sometimes I think no matter how much good I see, the bad outweighs it all. I guess I'm high functioning because I don't lay in bed all day, but I leave my home feeling overwhelming dread and come home every day feeling empty.. then the cycle repeats. Is there an end to this at all besides at my own hand?",-0.8583,negative,sad 3253,depressed,I feel so much but so empty?,listener_1,2,> The only thing keeping me alive is my mom and my best friend And your 5'5'' boyfriend does not as you haven't mentioned him. Is it because he's 5'5''?,0.875,positive,questioning 3253,depressed,I feel so much but so empty?,speaker,3,Are you asking out of concern or just trolling?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3254,depressed,What Is Wrong With Me?,speaker,1,"For context: My mother is diagnosed with bipolar disorder and now suffers from depression due to the loss of many family members in the past few years. She's always been called ""crazy red"" and made a name for herself when she was younger as being that one ""batshit"" woman. My dad has OCD and depression as well. Both of them fell in love through drugs and partying and, although she claims she didn't do anything else, she smoked cigarettes when she was pregnant with me and my brothers. My oldest (half, on mom's side) brother is schizophrenic. My second oldest (full) brother has a lot of tics like humming and twitches, but has never been diagnosed with Tourettes. My third (full) brother has severe anger issues, is a complete narcissist, is very lazy, always wants pity and expects the world to revolve around him. I think they're all autistic just by how they act on the regular, although that's just what I think and has no real value in this. I think, if I hadn't been put through what I 100% believe was mental and physical torture as a child, that I would be pretty normal. I don't remember ever acting weird or abnormal before my abuse. In fact, when I was taken from my home in 3rd grade by social services (due to my parents being on drugs) and had to live with my aunt for a year, I WAS normal. I had plenty of friends, I was extremely smart, sociable, happy, and extremely motivated and hopeful. There was even a point where I strived to be student of the month because it would make my aunt (who I considered a mother) proud and I would hold onto it forever. I never did get it, but you understand what I'm getting at. I was everything a healthy, happy child should be. And then I went back home. My brother (youngest) made me do sexual things for him, my other brother's (second youngest) friend started making me do sexual things for him, and I was bullied CONSTANTLY by their whole friend group (at least 6 other boys). Physically, mentally, everything. They tore me down and made me into a sad, angry kid. I went from absolute support and love to parents who neglected me and brothers who raped and bullied me. I don't know where I got the mental illness from. I don't know if what I'm experiencing is PTSD, Manic Depression (bipolar disorder), normal Depression, Anxiety and Depression, or Anxiety and Manic Depression, or all of them mixed. Here are my symptoms: Intense Anxiety when going to certain places (church, school, appointments, but not places I decide to go on the spot), severe depression (especially when I think about my childhood), sometimes I sleep constantly for MONTHS at a time, while other times I get so hyper I can't sleep at all (more recently), what I want always changes and I can never just DECIDE on something no matter how simple it is and I go from motivated and excited to do something, right to being nervous about the same thing and being so afraid to do it that I give up. Or I give up the second it becomes too much (which isn't hard for things to become for me). I feel like I'm five different people who feel very differently about everything and they all pitch in at the same time so I never settle on anything. This is with every situation in my life and there is no controlling it. I've tried. I don't think I have split personalities, that's just the best way I can describe it. Please help, and I'm sorry for the long post, I just wanted to give all the info I could in the simplest way I could.",-0.9778,negative,devastated 3254,depressed,What Is Wrong With Me?,listener_1,2,"You need to report this abuse to your school counselor. You need therapy. We cannot diagnose you, we are not professionals. Right now the key to you getting help is reaching out to a trusted adult, which I assume is not your parents. Maybe your aunt? What your brother did is a crime. It's not ok to let that go. Talk to an adult as soon as possible.",-0.5842,negative,terrified 3254,depressed,What Is Wrong With Me?,speaker,3,"I did report it to multiple people, and I struggle with trusting therapists. I have no evidence or proof other than my testimony and 3 witnesses (my mom and two friends), and I did try to open a court case but gave up soon after due to my family being extremely against it. I'm over 18 so I can't be removed from here and it isn't considered abuse of a minor anymore. My aunt died a few years ago. Thank you for your concern and your advice, I appreciate it. I'm no longer being abused so don't worry about that. I'm mostly looking for advice right now",0.5233,positive,trusting 3254,depressed,What Is Wrong With Me?,listener_1,4,"First, you have proof. Yourself and 3 witnesses. Second, therapy is the only thing going to help you right now. Even if we give you an armchair diagnosis, what do you plan on doing with it if you don't get help?",0.1134,positive,questioning 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,speaker,1,"How the hell am I supposed to work out when all I want to do at the end of the work day is anxiously get home and get in bed? And this 'claim' that it's supposed to release endorphins. I'm about ready to call conspiracy. Also, who is just fed up and tired, that on top of the pervading sadness, there is also the anger? About anything and nothing? At everyone and no one? At myself?",-0.9581,negative,angry 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,listener_1,2,"Exercise doesn't have to be something huge. It can be something like a 10-15min walk in the evening or late day when there aren't as many people outside. It can be a couple of stretches in bed when you just cannot. It can be anything small to require moving your body if you put some time into it is something I've started to see it as. Much easier said than done, as I get it, I come back and lie in bed or on days where I don't have work obligations, I just spend most of the day in bed. But it's kind of helped me to see it from that 'smaller' perspective, so idk I hope it's somewhat helpful for you. :') And oh god, I totally get it with the anger. I'm just so irritated over the smallest things or over nothing but it's so tiring as well as the sadness. So isolating too. Keep going mdude.",0.535,positive,content 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,speaker,3,Um...dafuq?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,listener_2,4,It was a joke but kinda.. not? but kinda?,0.2406,positive,questioning 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,speaker,5,Um...I do that 5 minutes a day.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,speaker,6,"I'm flying to London next week for work and theres a part of me that wants to take the channel train into Paris and walk out of Paris and get lost in Europe, maybe join the gypsies.",-0.0258,neutral,apprehensive 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,listener_3,7,"Well.. Life is cliché and cleaning your room is like a reminder that it sucks but you have to do it still. No point in giving up. Just serve your time, and die. Do what you have to do then think about your feelings afterwards. Cause feelings kill people. I achieved a lot categorizing my depression as a temporary feeling like laughing. When it comes, i usher it out. It's like a counter feeling, cause other feelings COME at situation or summon, but depression GOES with situation mostly, or summon(most people can't manage this). Hope you get well. At least it's up to you.",-0.5629,negative,sad 3255,depressed,How the hell am I supposed to be motivated to work out when there's no motivation?,speaker,8,Get out of my head.,0.0,neutral,annoyed 3256,depressed,Crying helps.,speaker,1,"It's almost like crying is the only real natural coping mechanism, I mean imagine if you couldnt cry, all you could do is sit there numb. After enough crying, of course I'm still hurting, but it numbs the pain.",-0.8009,negative,lonely 3256,depressed,Crying helps.,listener_1,2,“imagine if you couldn’t cry.” it’s a thing. it sucks. for real.,-0.3612,negative,neutral 3256,depressed,Crying helps.,speaker,3,"While there may not be physical tears, you still feel that rush",0.1695,positive,sentimental 3256,depressed,Crying helps.,listener_1,4,i don’t know... there’s just some satisfaction about the physical release of tears and the gasps that come with the standard “good cry” that you can’t get anywhere else,0.25,positive,neutral 3257,depressed,Bad night at my call center job,speaker,1,"I got sent home from work tonight for getting frustrated during a call. I think I deserved it. Think the way my boss ragged me out was possibly a little overboard. I do know that there is this guy that gets very frustrated at work all the time. He hits his hands against his head (not really hard) flails his arms and gives everyone one in the room a middle finger because something a customer said he didn't like. Never before had a worked somewhere where that was considered acceptable. But as far as I know, he doesn't get sent home. And this is the first time it has happened to me. My concern is, I'm going to get frustrated again at some point with a caller. I am also concerned about what my team supervisor is going to do when I go into work tomorrow. I was told by the manager on duty that I was getting sent home that it would be at least one point and counted as an unexcused absence. But I am concerned she may be talking to her boss, the call center manager and trying to insist that I need to be fired. I only make 9 bucks an hour after being there around six years. I don't really have anywhere to go. I was in special education classes my entire life. I was never able to complete a degree in college. I have attempted repeatedly to get another job but for crying out loud, I suck at operating a cash register. Last time I did that my till was always over or under what it suppose to be when I counted my draw at the end of my shift. Physically, I can't do something where I am on my feet all the time. It just seems like I was never able to develop the skills needed to get a better job. But also some jobs, I am not sure I can handle emotionally. Most people my age are not forced to still live at home. But I am. I lose this job and I just don't' even feel like I deserve to live. I would be better of dead if I lose this job. My parents tried to raise me to be so much more than what I am. But I'm just a failure. My mother deserved a daughter who could take care of her as she gets older. Someone giver her grandchildren that would bring her so much joy. I'm a useless piece of crap that doesn't deserve to live. I have an older brother that is a teacher and had a doctorate in I think Jazz education. So basically, he has always been better at me than anything. But I will never be him. I feel better just getting this off my chest. But still not having a good feeling about how work is going to go and afraid I'm just going to constantly break down in tears. But my parents will get freaked about me saying I don't feel well, OMG! THE WORD WILL B/C YOU ARE MISSING WORK! All that matters in life is that I am making a paycheck and making money. I am not doing that then my life has no purpose or value. I had to lie to them about why I was home so early. They were trying to pepper me with questions about it but I didn't' want to deal with the fact that I was sent home for being a lousy employee and getting frustrated with a customer on the phone.",-0.9905,negative,angry 3257,depressed,Bad night at my call center job,listener_1,2,Sorry to hear about your work and family troubles. It's unfair how life is only about money. Family can be really shitty about it when you're an adult. But when you're a kid they are the nicest people you've ever met. Have you thought of trying secretary work? It can't be that much different from a call center and it would probably pay better. I think it would be like phone job level 2.,0.7314,positive,sympathizing 3257,depressed,Bad night at my call center job,speaker,3,I’ve been trying for a long time but there aren’t many jobs I qualify for out there. I can’t even run a cash register. 😞,-0.631,negative,ashamed 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",speaker,1,"Mine is my little cats (3)...The thought that they would be meowing for me and would be all alone. They follow me everywhere, and I don't know who would take care of them or love them like I do.",0.836,positive,lonely 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",listener_1,2,"The feeling I get when others do it. ""Why didn't they ask ME for help"" etc.",0.4939,positive,jealous 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",speaker,3,"Ohhh...yeah, I'm too selfish with how I feel to consider how others (loved ones besides my cats) will feel. You're more mature than me.",0.5984,positive,agreeing 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",listener_1,4,Selfishness isn't the thing. It's more a fear of hipocracy.,-0.7334,negative,afraid 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",speaker,5,That's actually really cute lol,0.7485,positive,acknowledging 3258,depressed,"For anyone who has thought of ending it all, what is the top thing/ thought that keeps you going?",speaker,6,"I have that too (a little sister and brother)...I imagine my dad telling them. If anything, I figure my story will just be a cautionary tale for them. And for my dad, I think that, in the back of his mind, he's prepared for it. He'll be sad but he'll also think ""well...I saw it coming.""",-0.1531,negative,sentimental 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,speaker,1,"Hey my strong buddy's! Its Roy 23M from Calcutta. First time here to share my story. ✋ So it's started like this, there is this girl, we have been friends for 7 long years. Back in August of 2017 we got into serious relationship. For more than 2 years we saw a lot of ups and downs. We held date each other so many times that I can't really count. Even our parents were happy with our relationship. Despite that we stuck to each other like nothing could break us apart. Which was really down fall of our relationship. 💌 It's all came to end last October. I was in my home and she was getting home from her long trip with family. She said like she could have live without me, and I was like you're kidding, take some later we'll talk later. When I tried to talk her again she just made it clear like there is nothing between us and she's be acting wierd also. Honestly! I never abused of her or disrespect her, but I took her for granted. ""That was something you should never do"". Thats it we stopped talking to eachother frequently. I tried hard to get her back. Countless of calls, messeges, even got to her home but she refused to see my face. She lived 250km far so it was a long distance. 💢💥 Then my darkest fear aka loneliness got me pretty badly. U can assume, if you use to talk someone everyday almost everytime then all of sudden it all stops, it could even make you mantally cripple. I stopped talking to everyone, stopped eating, can't feel any shit anymore. Almost forgot what Happiness feels like. I don't have much friends, but the few I got they hold my back pretty tightly. After successfully trying of 4 months now I'm pretty much standing on my feet. It wasn't easy at first. But everyday, little by little I made out of it. Also made some pretty good friends on reddit too. It helps me a lot to talk with other and share our feelings and experience and I'm truly thankful of that. Things I have learnt:- 1. ""You can do whatever if you try even it looks impossible to you today"" 2. ""Times heals nothing, we just get use to live with our pain"" 3. ""Death isn't the solution, its just an origin of another source of pain"" If you took your precious time to read my post, I'm honoured 😊. I just wanted to make sure you aren't alone! Its just a bad time like everything in life It'll pass! Stay positive Thank you 💜",0.995,positive,joyful 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,listener_1,2,You did not experience depression. You were down after a break up. It also sounds like you stalked her when she clearly did not want to see or talk to you. At this point I think you should not be giving advice but instead looking to receive advice on how to respect someone's space and wishes while controlling your obsession.,0.7114,positive,suggesting 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,speaker,3,Lol. not on that song,0.4215,positive,neutral 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,listener_2,4,"Thank heavens! I perfectly understand what you've been through as i am going through it right now. It doesn't seem like you were depressed....but yeah, when you have to give up a love even though the relationship was amazing.....it hurts.",0.8975,positive,agreeing 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,speaker,5,"Honestly I was depressed fucked up drunk, haven't eaten for long and other stuff it is right now that I'm doing ok. I'm sorry for you bro. I hope it will get better soon.",-0.3818,negative,sympathizing 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,listener_2,6,"I hope so too. Your parents were in favour of your relationship. In my case, his aren't. But i hope it will get better",0.5634,positive,consoling 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,speaker,7,He still loves you right?,0.5719,positive,questioning 3259,depressed,After suffering months of depression... Finally I have found peace!,listener_2,8,Yeah...,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 3260,depressed,can someone tell me if this was an anxiety attack?,speaker,1,"this is long but if even one person can give me input i would really, really appreciate it....i have never had diagnosed depression or anxiety. i have always kept everything inside to a fault. i am horrible at expressing emotions, i don’t talk about my personal feelings much (even to my best friends). i seem to be physically incapable of crying even when i sometimes really want to and try so hard to just let it out. but for the past few weeks, i have found myself feeling completely empty and drained. i feel like i have no personality anymore. nothing seems funny. i have no self esteem. i have absolutely no appetite. on my worst day i went 36 hours without a bite of food. i cannot sleep. my main question: i think i had a panic/anxiety attack but i’m unfamiliar with all of this so i need answers... i started feeling weird when i got out of the shower at night. my legs felt weak and shaky for some reason. i got in bed and kept having really hopeless, depressing thoughts that almost seemed loud and fast in a way ?? i started to fall asleep but suddenly i got that about-to-throw-up feeling. like a hot tingle up my spine and a watery mouth. afterwards i had incessant muscle spasms in my abdomen, my legs, and my fingers... it kept getting worse. i couldn’t catch my breath. i felt sure i was going to throw up. i felt my heartbeat everywhere. my whole body felt like it was buzzing if that makes sense?? an hour passed and finally i went to the bathroom and sat there until i could breathe a little better. then i went back and eventually fell asleep wondering what on earth just happened. the next day i felt miserable and i have been feeling depressed ever since. if you read all of this please offer any answers/advice... i don’t know how to open up but every day is worse",-0.9905,negative,embarrassed 3260,depressed,can someone tell me if this was an anxiety attack?,listener_1,2,"I wouldn’t feel comfortable telling you if that was a panic or anxiety attack because everyone experiences them in different ways. Here’s what I learned in my Abnormal Psychology class! Panic attacks are often shorter than anxiety attacks. Your brain may actually convince you that you are dying and the world is swallowing you whole. These often come without warning. Anxiety attacks are longer, but progress overtime. It’s not sudden and over with. It will increase over the term of the attack. These are often provoked by triggers. I’m not a psychologist or psychiatrist, but I’m getting my undergraduate in Psychology and planning to go to grad school for Clinical Counseling so this shit is my specialty!! From my classes and personal experience, everything you described in the first paragraph are symptoms of depression. “physically incapable of crying” People express depression in many ways. When I am depressed, the way I express it may seem like I am just angry. Other times when I am depressed, I am numb. I just got dumped Monday and I’ve barely cried since then because I am numb. You are not helping yourself for the long run by closing yourself off. When you close yourself off, it gets a whole lot easier for you to disassociate yourself from yourself and reality. This is not healthy OP! I could go on and on and on about depression and anxiety, but hope this helps as a ground point!",-0.9945,negative,apprehensive 3260,depressed,can someone tell me if this was an anxiety attack?,speaker,3,"I have recently come to accept that my lack of expression isn’t healthy. Hate to say it, but through high school I learned to deal with it and even view it as a strength because unfortunately in my experience, it seems that the more emotion I show the more I turn people away. More drama, more of a burden on my “friends”. So i learned to keep it in, and I became the stable, reliable one, and it was sometimes hard, but always doable. Now it’s all just hitting me like a truck. And i don’t know how to open up.",0.2627,positive,ashamed 3260,depressed,can someone tell me if this was an anxiety attack?,listener_1,4,"It’s a defense mechanism. You won’t learn how to properly express emotions unless you seek professional help. My problem is the opposite. I am able to express emotions, but I express them in an unhealthy way. My therapist helps me with that.",-0.2382,negative,grateful 3261,depressed,Depressed is that what I am?,speaker,1,"I’ve just spent few hours reading some of the people on here posts and my feels trivial compared to some posts I have read but I can’t help it. Slightest thing I’m a wreck, few wrong words I’m a wreck, I cry I feel lonely. I got ditched after several years with a guy, I was never enough for him. Cheated on me over 50 times to my knowledge, I’d find out I’d bring the subject up and he would be sorry and shower me with gifts. I’d forgive him every single time. I play a online game, have done for years, it keeps my mind focused on something else, but I’ve noticed that for the last month I’m even getting rejected all over the place in that. One friend in the game is very kind and try’s to cheer me up after I been let down or when I’m sad, to him I owe him big he listens and cares, so kind. But I feel I’m dragging him down too. I can’t sleep much. How do I get myself out of this, I try and try but I feel I’ve got nothing worth even being alive for. Sorry for this post.",0.6898,positive,sad 3261,depressed,Depressed is that what I am?,listener_1,2,"I really hope I don't come off as judgemental but I don't judge or blame you for what you went through! Why did you feel the need to go back to him after he betrayed you so many times? Was it fear? Love? Feeling like you werent worth better and like you deserved it? Something else? I understand that there can be so many factors amd they can be difficult to share or express. I am sad that you had to go through this experience and genuinely wish you didn't. This bf is doing you a favor, believe it or not. Like they say, you dodged a bullet. You don't need or deserve that kind of toxicity in your life. Knowing that you truly deserve better and allowing yourself to attain better is a big step towards healing. You have been patient, understanding, and forgiving, which are all traits that the right person will see and appreciate! Please see that within yourself. You are a beautiful individual. Some people take advantage of people like you. They see those beautiful traits as a weakness and exploit them. Also, see that your hapiness should not have to rely on others. You can learn to love yourself. It sounds so cheesy and tbh, this piece of advice would not have made sense to me a few years ago, but you start with listing the good things about yourself! I have already listed 3 good traits based on your post and I'm sure that deep inside you can list even more! Even if you can't right now, please don't dismiss those things! 1.) Patient 2.) Understanding 3.) Forgiving I wish you the best of luck and healing!!!",0.9973,positive,disappointed 3261,depressed,Depressed is that what I am?,listener_1,3,"It hurts to let go of someone that we love, even when they hurt us so much. We start finding excuses for that individual when they do hurt us. And sometimes, we find excuses to hold on to that person when we don't love ourselves. That was wrong of him to lie to you like that. It is another reason why it's good that you aren't together anymore. You deserve to be with someone who treats you right and is honest with you.",-0.5374,negative,devastated 3262,depressed,Guys I’m gonna Be Brutally Honest With you Most of you Guys Just Need a Therapist,speaker,1,When I’m Reading all your Posts I Get Mortally Depressed.I Just wanna say this.People Aren’t Always Perfect.Those of you Who Are dealing with other people that Can’t Open up about their Emotions.Leave them Go Talk with a Therapist. The Last Thing you should be doing Is Picking Fights With other people Just for the sake of Drama.I’ve gotten Bullied a lot in My Lifetime. I’ve met plenty of Asshole’s in My Life. I admit it I Have a List of People I want Dead. Thing Is I Don’t Like Revenge.It’s petty It’s Stupid.If a person makes you insane then Stop talking with them.Live your Life’s at home instead of Doing it in your Workplace. Be the Nicest person In the room. Give other people time so that they can Improve Upon themself’s.Over time You’ll see if those people tried working on themselfs or Not. If they Failed then that’s on them.But you as a Person Should Not take The Time of Beating someone While their Down.Also If they Treat you like Trash That shouldn’t Stop you from Caring for other people.I’m Not Nice Because I Want Admiration from other people.I’m Nice because I Wanna Be that for myself.I May Not sound Depressed But Trust me Most of your stories can’t even Compete with mine.Yes This came from a 18 year old Male.,0.8093,positive,sad 3262,depressed,Guys I’m gonna Be Brutally Honest With you Most of you Guys Just Need a Therapist,listener_1,2,You like capitalization a lot.,0.3612,positive,questioning 3262,depressed,Guys I’m gonna Be Brutally Honest With you Most of you Guys Just Need a Therapist,speaker,3,I Get that a Lot😔,0.0772,positive,agreeing 3263,depressed,"when i am sad, empty or tired i write down what i am thinking. this is what is currently lingering in my head",speaker,1,"I fell into pain, guilt and ugliness I’m a dumb bitch with nothing to offer but my absence If I was gone happiness will evoke Happiness for everyone, those who initially feel pain by my death will see the silver lining Happiness for everyone, happiness for me? If I’m gone I will no longer feel hurt, sadness, or see my ugly fat reflection If I am gone, I will no longer feel the guilt from the annoyance I present to others When I am gone, the world will be better",-0.952,negative,ashamed 3263,depressed,"when i am sad, empty or tired i write down what i am thinking. this is what is currently lingering in my head",listener_1,2,"Reminds me of a song, listen to “ in the end”- XXXTENTACION",0.0,neutral,nostalgic 3263,depressed,"when i am sad, empty or tired i write down what i am thinking. this is what is currently lingering in my head",speaker,3,"i’m sure it’s a healing tool for some, but i never write when feeling positive.",0.718,positive,neutral 3263,depressed,"when i am sad, empty or tired i write down what i am thinking. this is what is currently lingering in my head",speaker,4,yeah i’ve honestly been asking the same question.,0.6369,positive,agreeing 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,speaker,1,I’ve asked this a while back but trying to see if real questions get asked. 1. What’s the actual point of being social and having friends? 2. What’s the point in going out and how does that really help? 3. Since when did going outdoors and doing outdoor events really become a thing and how can that actually help? 4. What’s wrong with loving Less happy things in life? 5. What really defines us as depressed? What and who says we are?,0.9433,positive,apprehensive 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,listener_1,2,"Off the top: 1 there is no point unless it helps you in a way. Friends are fun that helps with loneliness. 2 I don't go out. It's way too awkward and i want to be home. 3 I'm guessing it became a thing when social media came out, and nature is fucking awesome. Looking at the water or sky really give you an idea of everything is so larger than you. And you're just an ant with little problems. 4 nothing. Love whatever the fuck you want. 5 depression is a state of mind. Some p",-0.0469,neutral,lonely 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,speaker,3,"Wow, thank you for taking the time to answer all of that. I like some of the examples you gave, but some of them seem sort of typical ( no offense) but at the same time I do get where you’re coming from. When I’m outdoors nothing seems to stimulate my brain it is actually under stimulating to me. I prefer to be indoors and game. I exercise all the time when I’m at work, not saying that’s what I wanna do but I kind of have no choice and I do work outside a lot. I get enough for being outside especially lately in this extremely unpredictable weather that when I get home or when I have home time on the weekends, being outside is the furthest thing away from my mind. I seriously do not see good social connections, most of every single person I have ever met in my life has let me down one way or another it just seems that most people can be extremely toxic or a waste of time. Easier not to put myself through that plus I have major social anxiety nowadays. It’s like putting me through hell. If I want vitamin D I’ll just take it in a pill LOL or I’ll drink major milk or orange juice. I don’t understand the whole chemical in the brain is a depression thing. I believe we control our own ways of thinking, and we get lost somewhere in the middle, but all in all I believe depression is just a state of mind that we form ourselves in.",-0.8937,negative,neutral 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,listener_2,4,"While it is a state of something, it's not a state of mind one chooses, and if you think that, then you should seek help, if you haven't already, for treatment to feel happy again because you're worth it.",0.8074,positive,agreeing 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,speaker,5,"Come on. Don’t get all therapists on me lol thank you though. I am just fine. I see the truth in things. It’s not about happiness. I find happiness in other things, just not many things and I do believe we control 90% of everything.",0.8433,positive,content 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,listener_2,6,"It's not therapisty, it's logical (IMO). My nickname is spock because there's a 50/50 chance for everything, when you consider things on a quantum entangled level. 50% chance I'll die tonight, but the likelihood is biased that I won't. Happiness can be found anywhere, from the soft pages of a book to skiing down a mountain, or as simple as just playing video games. It's just, you must do all things in moderation, because over consumption can lead to addiction or something else unhealthy. It's only logical. You know what is one of my fav songs? *Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)* by Baz Luhrmann. It's an oldie, but a goodie, and I find it to be full of truth. Idk, since we seem to disagree on a fundamental level, I figured I'd leave you with one of my fav songs. Maybe we can agree this song is full of truths, as you put it, and think of it when times are hard. I find songs with deep meaning to help. Idk how old you are, but I'm assuming you're rather young, so idk if you'll like the song, but it's a good one. Peace dude.",0.9664,positive,content 3264,depressed,Is there anyone that can really have a direct non bullshit answer?,speaker,7,"Well thanks for the info and no, I’m 33 btw. I just see things in retrospect. I am the type that doesn’t believe the hype. I believe we are told many and multiple things to which we are To automatically believe in. I just simply do not. I se things for what they are and people for who they are. I may have an addiction but there is a 50/50 chance that 100% of the population has one. So I simply say to that, at least mine is clean. But I will listen to the song and see what that’s all about.",0.8201,positive,trusting 3265,depressed,My little brother,speaker,1,"I think my little brother may be struggling with depression and I don't know what to do. I talked to him when I went downstairs to pour myself a glass of coke this evening. He was on the edge of crying. As someone who struggles with mental illness (not depression, but agoraphobia) I know very well that crying in front of an audience is not fun, so I brought him upstairs, away from dad, stepmom and another sibling. When I asked what's wrong he just kept saying that he felt like a failure, that he did nothing good - not even football which he had believed he was genuinely good at (which he is). To say it broke my heart would be an understatement. He also told me how people at school physically pick on him. They kick him when he plays football (when he doesn't even have the ball), they poke his eyes for fun and keeps pushing him off the football field. He has supportive friends, though, but the physical abuse never stops. One time he was sent home with a bleeding nose because some kid had kicked him in the head after another kid kicked his feet to knock him to the ground. As much as I want to go to that football field and kick som child-asses, I can't. I am 20 years old and would be sent to jail (the kids are 12 years old, after all). The teachers are hopeless, as they were when I attended that school and was physically bullied like my brother. I tried telling him how those people were just jealous of his football skills and wanted him to feel insecure about the sport so the kid could keep his throne as ""the best player of the team"". He seemed to buy it, but my words won't stop the physical abuse he has to suffer on the playground. Does anyone have any tips on what I can do to help him out? I never reached out to people with my issues until lower secondary school (11th grade, if you will), but I want him to get help sooner rather than later. (sorry for the long post)",-0.9631,negative,anxious 3265,depressed,My little brother,listener_1,2,If it's possible you could try to call or email the principal or school district and tell them how useless the teachers are. Just not in those exact words. I'm sorry these kids are such asses.,-0.4767,negative,sympathizing 3265,depressed,My little brother,speaker,3,"I don’t understand what those teachers do during recess. They’re supposed to watch the children, keep them safe! It’s their job for freaks sake! Anyhow, thanks for the tip. I’ll see if I can find some contact infomation on the county web site. Feel Kinda stupid for not thinking of that actually... Thanks alot for the tip either way. It means a lot to me",0.6982,positive,acknowledging 3265,depressed,My little brother,listener_1,4,It's ok.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,speaker,1,"In January, my kitten- who was not even a year old- was ran over directly in front of my house, and I think she was coming back home when it happened. I’d been diagnosed with depression and anxiety months prior to this, but it definitely added to it painfully. I struggle to ‘click’ with people at school, so my kitten was my babygirl, she was there when I cried, and she made me laugh instead, she brought so much happiness into my life and now she’s gone and I feel so alone. I feel so guilty for any fleeting moment of happiness, when I should be grateful for them considering how rare they’ve become, but her death left me heartbroken, and thinking about her makes me feel incredibly suicidal, as silly as that may sound. I don’t know what I can do to stop hurting, but I can’t handle it anymore on top of the constant void I already feel inside me, and I need help. People around me who have experienced the loss of a cat tell me that they understand, and that it gets easier with time, but the cats they’ve lost died after 14,15 years, mine didn’t even have one. I feel like her life wasn’t just stolen from her but from me too, from my family. When I moved out she was supposed to come live with me, and now that will never happen, she never got to grow up, never got to play with the toys I wanted to buy her, she’ll never have kittens or grow old and decide to settle down on the crazy and just be a lap cat. And I blame myself for it. She died directly after another awful thing happened to me and I lost someone else- though not through death- who had been a huge part of my life for just under a year. I feel like somehow it’s my fault, like I did something wrong, and that’s why it happened, and I feel so awful. I’m sorry this is so long- I just hurt so badly and have no idea how to stop it.",-0.9966,negative,sad 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,listener_1,2,It’s okay to feel heartbroken and sad. Please remember that this isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have helped it. It was an accident and it’s no ones fault. No one tried to do it. The days will keep passing and time will move on and it’s okay to still be sad but it’s not your fault.,-0.5837,negative,sad 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,speaker,3,Thank you. Really. I just can’t shake it I guess. <3,0.2023,positive,wishing 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,listener_1,4,You will. You just have to keep surviving until you can,0.29600000000000004,positive,consoling 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,speaker,5,I’m so sorry for your loss. Did anything help you deal? Or did time just heal? :),0.4883,positive,sympathizing 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,speaker,6,"We tried to have her as a house cat, but she so badly wanted to go outside, every time a door or a window were open, she’d run for them, and every time they were closed she’d sit by them and stare and scratch. Having her run around outside was the sweetest thing, she still found the grass so strange, and would do this weird hop that almost looked like she had a limp, she was so happy exploring. I wish I could get a dog- but preferably another cat- but my dad has never wanted pets and my mum has decided she can’t go through the heartache of losing a pet again, so I won’t have another cat or dog until I move out, but my dad surprised us both by letting me pick out two guinea pigs who I love dearly a couple of weeks after my kitten died. It’s not the same, and it doesn’t ease the heartache, but I love them all the same. Oh and I’m 15, I’m not sure what grade that is, but it’s year 11",0.936,positive,joyful 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,listener_2,7,"Still hurts me sometimes, just let time pass",-0.4767,negative,consoling 3266,depressed,My kitten passed away and I can’t handle it.,speaker,8,"I think deep down I know that, that what I’m saying probably just sounds silly and superstitious, but I just can’t seem to shake it. I saw a poem about the rainbow bridge and it was so beautiful that I broke down, I’d really like to believe it exists, or something alike. God, I would to rescue a fur baby, I miss every part of my baby girl, especially the sound of her purring and when she’d lick me. As much as I’d want that, my mum doesn’t think she can handle the heartache of losing another cat, and she thinks that even if they have amazing years worth of memories that make the grief ‘worth it,’ the eventual loss is still inevitable, and she’s not ready to open herself up to that loss when we lose enough people in life without pets too. I don’t agree, but she’s hurting and hurting differently.",-0.3588,negative,sentimental 3267,depressed,Do I really belong here?,speaker,1,Obsolete is the word I feel I relate to most for awhile now .....and,-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 3267,depressed,Do I really belong here?,listener_1,2,You’re not alone. Every day i think about not belong in anything. This sucks :/,-0.5477,negative,agreeing 3267,depressed,Do I really belong here?,speaker,3,It really do,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3268,depressed,Honestly what’s the point,speaker,1,"I don’t know what to do with my life. I try to talk to people but their responses always feel so superficial. And when people try to say “you don’t wanna look back on your life and only remember being sad or angry” I wonder why being happy is such a good thing anyway. Who decided life was meant to be spent trying to strive for this state of happiness that doesn’t seem to exist. Maybe that’s why I’m so depressed, because of the constant need to reach the standard of happiness that everyone’s talking about. Who decided NOT reaching that standard is even depressing anyway and why the heck am I so sad lol.",0.4906,positive,disappointed 3268,depressed,Honestly what’s the point,listener_1,2,When you look back on your sadness and anger does it make you feel those emotions? Or do you sense you've moved on and grown from those experiences?,-0.7882,negative,sad 3268,depressed,Honestly what’s the point,speaker,3,"I feel somewhat detached. Like initially, I’m upset that I spent so much time feeling sad/angry about something. Then, I don’t know why I even care. I really bounce back and forth from feeling like I’ve grown from an experience and letting something eat away at me for the longest of times. Then, I start thinking about how my situation can’t possibly compare to someone in a worse position and feel guilty about it all 🤷🏻‍♀️",0.1226,positive,sad 3268,depressed,Honestly what’s the point,listener_1,4,"The guilt thing is relatable, but we all have our own issues to resolve. No shame in giving yourself some slack. I did have a friend who once told me ""the only waste of time is spending time with regret."" It wasn't bad advice. I just think its healthy to ponder our experiences since it's the best way for self reflection. I expect someone will call me crazy, but feeling detached sounds like you've moved on. Reminds me about another friendship that ended poorly. Wished I had handled myself better...now, meh. My life is still sweet without then.",0.9815,positive,sentimental 3268,depressed,Honestly what’s the point,speaker,5,"It’s super hard. While I feel like I can relate to people and how they feel, that wall between my mind and theirs feels so isolating. Something they say could have been so genuine, but sounded so fake. Idk, maybe I’m just looking for profound phrases that make it look like my problem isn’t the fact that I’m terrible at communication. Bottom line I feel like if I have a problem with someone whether their genuine or not, it’s really the fact that I have a problem with myself because it’s not like they’d really truuuuly understand what I meant if I confronted them anyway. They can’t ever think or understand my thoughts in the way I did just like I can’t theirs. It’s just super weird and kinda lonely. And even if the problem IS with myself, I don’t want to face it anyway lol",-0.9068,negative,apprehensive 3269,depressed,1-800-273-8255,speaker,1,Suicide prevention hotline. I know I haven't posted at all. I'm sorry. I have kept to myself a lot more and been trying to stay busy. But here is the suicide prevention hotline for anyone that needs it. 1-800-273-8255 please share it around.,-0.6597,negative,caring 3269,depressed,1-800-273-8255,listener_1,2,"I wouldn't count on this hotline. Its very understaffed and hard to actually get through to a person. I've been on hold waiting in the queue for an hour before and eventually just gave up and hung up. There nothing worse than being so desperate for help that you call a hotline to talk to a stranger, only to realize there is no one there to help.",0.3319,positive,trusting 3269,depressed,1-800-273-8255,speaker,3,I'm sorry. I've never used it. But I figured it might be better than nothing. Im sorry you had that experience,0.6166,positive,sympathizing 3269,depressed,1-800-273-8255,listener_1,4,I don't think most people realize that and unfortunately those that do found out the hard way. I believe most of the people who answer calls are volunteers. Not an easy gig to get people to volunteer for and takes a lot of training to handle those types of calls.,-0.6377,negative,sad 3269,depressed,1-800-273-8255,speaker,5,"Yea I understand. But hey, they are volunteers and they try.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 3270,depressed,Did anyone else have YEARS where it felt like everything was going wrong?,speaker,1,"I'm 21 right now, senior in college. &#x200B; These past three years have been hell. I used to say that the worst thing that could happen is that I die and at least that hasn't happened yet. Tbh, though recently I realized that death is honestly probably better than the misery I've been facing lately. I'm not suicidal (I don't see myself ever doing it for religious reasons) but I can't deny that death does seem like it would make me happier than these past three years have been. &#x200B; The worst part is that I keep actively trying to do things to make me happy/turn my life around and they'll go good for a little bit and than suddenly completely blow up and I'm left wishing the good thing never happened in the first place because the blowback was so bad. &#x200B; What's also odd is I am not usually a positve person. Was not at all for my first 18 years of life. Yet after around a year of everything going wrong I decided to try to actually be positive and think of all the possibilities and started actively trying to do things to make me happy. So I guess the depression inspired in me a positive point of view. However, it's literally like a running (not funny) joke at this point of literally everything going wrong. My positive view I think may be gone after this week, which was especially awful.",0.9253,positive,apprehensive 3270,depressed,Did anyone else have YEARS where it felt like everything was going wrong?,listener_1,2,"Yes actually, it sucks. It's during these periods we have to try to find the little gems in which things are going okay or perhaps maybe even good, even if they are small. Tl;dr take the time to reflect on the negatives and see where they may have led to good things. Did the things that went wrong make you grow as a person? Are there any new skills you have learned? Are there any lessons you could've learned? Is there anything that you could've done differently, and if so, how can you apply that to the future? It may not seem like it right now, but all those things that have gone wrong can really help you grow as a person. If anything, they will at least make you stronger. If they haven't ended you, then you still have a chance to make things right. If you give up too soon, you won't get to see the day that your efforts finally paid off. I know you said you weren't suicidal, but I hope this helps diring those times when you feel like death would be a relief. You're not done yet!!! ---------------- In my experience, I have been trying to save up money to go back to school for the past two years. Long story short, I was on my own to figure it out and I have sure worked a lot of hours and even had multiple jobs simultaneously at one point to reach my goal. I had to leave one of my jobs because I had to commute out of town and my car was totaled on my way home from work in an accident that I didnt even cause. I was recently laid off from my last job due to staff reduction and budget cuts. I had to drop the last course I took in college because I needed that time to work and get into a more stable financial situation. I was barely able to afford a roof over my head and food at that time. I chose survival over academics and now I'm glad I did. I've had a lot of different other obstacles pop up too. It sucks when it seems like everything just keeps going wrong despite our best efforts. Now, about finding the good in the middle of misfortune.. If I had not gone through these challenges, I would not be the more confident individual that I am today. I may not have a nice 4 year degree to prove my efforts, but I do have a better understanding of how the world works. I have learned how to network and how to find decent paying jobs even without a bachelors. I have learned how to be independent. I went from making close to minimum wage, to making a livable income (at least for the city I live in now), and at one point even close to that of what a college graduate would've made. I did this in a city where I hardly knew anyone and I definitely didnt have any work contacts in the beginning. I'm convinced that I would not have grown as much as I have if my academic journey had been smooth. Now, I want to make it clear that I definitely see the value of an education and not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to work in a more stable field if I would've had the chance to finish my degree. I still want to finish my education when the time is right (ideally when I have a job again since I am currently unemployed). However, I see the value in having faced the obstacles I faced and I see how they helped me grow as a person, even though there are times that I still relapse and feel like I haven't done much. It may not seem like it right now, but all those things that have gone wrong can really help you grow as a person. If anything, they will at least make you stronger. If they haven't ended you, then you still have a chance to make things right. If you give up too soon, you won't get to see the day that your efforts finally paid off. I know you said you weren't suicidal, but I hope this helps diring those times when you feel like death would be a relief. You're not done yet!!!",0.9979,positive,suggesting 3270,depressed,Did anyone else have YEARS where it felt like everything was going wrong?,speaker,3,Aww thanks so much for this!!! Really means a lot!!! I can tell there’s a lot of heart in it,0.8507,positive,acknowledging 3270,depressed,Did anyone else have YEARS where it felt like everything was going wrong?,listener_1,4,"In my experience, I have been trying to save up money to go back to school for the past two years. Long story short, I was on my own to figure it out and I have sure worked a lot of hours and even had multiple jobs simultaneously at one point to reach my goal. I had to leave one of my jobs because I had to commute out of town and my car was totaled on my way home from work in an accident that I didnt even cause. I was recently laid off from my last job due to staff reduction and budget cuts. I had to drop the last course I took in college because I needed that time to work and get into a more stable financial situation. I was barely able to afford a roof over my head and food at that time. I chose survival over academics and now I'm glad I did. I've had a lot of different other obstacles pop up too. It sucks when it seems like everything just keeps going wrong despite our best efforts. Now, about finding the good in the middle of misfortune.. If I had not gone through these challenges, I would not be the more confident individual that I am today. I may not have a nice 4 year degree to prove my efforts, but I do have a better understanding of how the world works. I have learned how to network and how to find decent paying jobs even without a bachelors. I have learned how to be independent. I went from making close to minimum wage, to making a livable income (at least for the city I live in now), and at one point even close to that of what a college graduate would've made. I did this in a city where I hardly knew anyone and I definitely didnt have any work contacts in the beginning. I'm convinced that I would not have grown as much as I have if my academic journey had been smooth. Now, I want to make it clear that I definitely see the value of an education and not gonna lie, I'm pretty sure I'd be able to work in a more stable field if I would've had the chance to finish my degree. I still want to finish my education when the time is right (ideally when I have a job again since I am currently unemployed). However, I see the value in having faced the obstacles I faced and I see how they helped me grow as a person, even though there are times that I still relapse and feel like I haven't done much. It may not seem like it right now, but all those things that have gone wrong can really help you grow as a person. If anything, they will at least make you stronger. If they haven't ended you, then you still have a chance to make things right. If you give up too soon, you won't get to see the day that your efforts finally paid off. I know you said you weren't suicidal, but I hope this helps diring those times when you feel like death would be a relief. You're not done yet!!!",0.9958,positive,devastated 3270,depressed,Did anyone else have YEARS where it felt like everything was going wrong?,listener_1,5,I'm glad it was able to help!!! Those year(s) long ruts absolutely suck but they will definitely make you stronger!!! You got this!!!!!!,0.8712,positive,grateful 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,1,"I don’t want to burden anyone. And I can’t do anything anyway, so don’t even feel like you have to try and stop me. I feel so trapped. Yes, I am incredibly grateful to be loved by not just one, but both of my parents, and I am aware that not everyone has that. But I can’t stand being alive anymore, I can’t stand existing. It’s constant hurt, and every day is the same, and every time I think it’s a good one, something ruins it, even if that something is just my head, ‘just my depression.’ I feel like I’m suffocating, and I don’t want to do this anymore- I CANT do this anymore. But my mum had depression a few years ago, and she’s told me that if I ever did anything to myself, it would be killing her too, that she wouldn’t be able to live with my suicide. I know it seems wrong of her to say that, but it’s certainly stopped me. If my mother killed herself after I did, god knows what my father would do, and then my entire family would hate me. I hate myself, but I love them. I can’t take away my sibling’s parents, and I can’t risk inflicting the pain that I feel on them, because I know how badly it hurts. I just don’t want to be here anymore but I can’t do anything about it and maybe that makes me want to die even more.",-0.9942,negative,lonely 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,2,"It’s not even necessarily wanting to ‘kill’ myself, I just don’t want to exist anymore. No more pain, no more thoughts, no nothing. That’s all I want.",-0.374,negative,sad 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,listener_1,3,"Exactly how I feel. I dont want to live. But, I've planned out suicide, it can be pretty stressful. Sometimes I just dont wanna wake up:/",-0.8182,negative,agreeing 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,4,"Exactly- there’s so many things to think about, if I did it, I’d want it to look as ‘natural’ as possible so it’s the least traumatic it can be, but those ways are usually the most painful. Even dying is difficult :/",-0.8587,negative,agreeing 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,5,"I’m really proud of you for stopping, that takes so much self control. In a way we’re lucky, because maybe in the long run we’ll be thankful that they stopped us when we’re hopefully happy, but right now it just makes me feel trapped.",0.3174,positive,neutral 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,listener_1,6,"Also, you just contemplate mortality, and your brain just goes crazy thinking of all the good you'll miss out on, and you just cant bring yourself to do it.",-0.0258,neutral,sad 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,listener_2,7,"I dont think that. Everyday I found a way to hurt myself...relationships, expectations, n others stupids thinks that I probably do, cause nobody like me in their circles, so i guess it doesn’t help...(help 10%, the others 90 are lost in my mind, unfortunately)",-0.836,negative,ashamed 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,8,"Yeah I get that- I think for me it’s more being too scared to actually do it, I worry too much, and have an incredibly low pain tolerance and not that much experience with actual physical pain",-0.8927,negative,agreeing 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,9,"‘A bad drip’ meaning it only happened because you were drunk? I think for everyone, depression is different, and it’s on a huge spectrum, so I think you just need to think about wether or not you want to cut again, and try to remember or think about how you felt that night when you did it, if you were feeling invincible and happy and drunk, or if you were feeling hurt and helpless and like cutting was the only way to get any form of relief.",-0.6621,negative,questioning 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,10,"Yeah, I understand that, but you still fought the urge to physically hurt yourself, even if the things you were doing were bad for your mental health. But weirdly enough, I think depression makes us do things that make us more depressed. We feel alone and unloved, so we isolate ourselves, hold back from meeting new people or putting ourselves out there, and shut ourselves away in our rooms or homes. And that’s just one example",-0.9876,negative,neutral 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,listener_2,11,"Yes, depression is unique for everyone. But probably this episode happen because of my depression... tks!",-0.7809,negative,neutral 3271,depressed,I want to kill my self but I’d be killing my mum too.,speaker,12,"I haven’t actually heard of that channel, so I’ll have to give them a look. Thank you.",0.3612,positive,wishing 3272,depressed,What to expect,speaker,1,"When you're commiting suicide which hurts more I wonder, mental or physical pain?",-0.8979,negative,questioning 3272,depressed,What to expect,listener_1,2,"Mental, definitly mental. That complimenting mortality, your life, and regrets.",0.2023,positive,agreeing 3272,depressed,What to expect,listener_2,3,"Sorry about the long time to reply, but I've been going through my own things lately. But in regards to you, a friend of mine once out it clearly. ""Life is a tricky thing, everyone wants stability. They want to be happy and carefree. Doing this is fighting the river current. Life flows it changes. Stability is rarely achieved, most people who are stable are either good at faking it, worked really hard to get there, or a mix of both. Life is cruel it will build you up on a tall ivory tower just to when your at your highest go to the bottom and knock it out from under you with a sledgehammer (in regards to her leukemia she won the fight yay) you think I wasn't shocked when all that happened to me that it didn't drop me to rock bottom. Of course it did but you have to keep moving and find your next tower. I believe life is about enjoying the ivory towers, and fighting to get to the next one."" That's the best advice I've ever had, it's the best I can give. Go, live. Strive for the ivory towers even if you can't see them.",0.9884,positive,sympathizing 3272,depressed,What to expect,listener_2,4,"Hope it helps, hope it gets better.",0.8834,positive,consoling 3273,depressed,Can't contain it anymore. Any tips?,speaker,1,"Whenever ""it' starts to take over, I can feel it. I can distinguish when what the happy me wants and what ""it"" wants. Now i can't seem to distinguish them anymore. All of my feelings and thoughts about wanting to die are in unison. I don't doubt about them unlike before. I'm pushing my loved ones away again and this time it feels like i don't want them back anymore. The only reason why I'm trying so hard to stay in this world is because they'll feel sad. Staying is a chore. I'm getting really annoyed and I'm venting out my frustrations more often than before. Living is so hard. Any tips?",-0.5629,negative,sad 3273,depressed,Can't contain it anymore. Any tips?,listener_1,2,Make an appointment with a therapist.,0.0,neutral,hopeful 3273,depressed,Can't contain it anymore. Any tips?,speaker,3,Does therapy really help? I went to therapy 6 times now and it doesn't seem to be working. Thanks for replying,0.7089,positive,questioning 3273,depressed,Can't contain it anymore. Any tips?,listener_1,4,It depends if you are connecting with your therapist as well as how open you are being. Maybe try another one.,0.2732,positive,suggesting 3274,depressed,Just why,speaker,1,"(Not related to my last post) Ok i'm gonna start off by saying, why the fuck would a girl that says she loves you more than anything in the world go behind your back and say shit like ""I love you"" with a god damn kissing emoji at the end TO OTHER FUCKING BOYS? This is whats been happening to me lately, the way I found out is that her parents say ""So your the boy shes been face timing."" I HAVE A FUCKING ANDROID. My world fucking shattered when I heard that, she keeps trying to make excuses that don't even make sense. Right now I want just fucking die, i'm just done. Like anyone will give 2 shits if I die, I got hit with a baseball bat on purpose but who cared, NO ONE. I just want to fucking end my misery and a waste of a fucking life on earth. Hope everybody has a better day than I do.",-0.5842,negative,surprised 3274,depressed,Just why,listener_1,2,"This girl is not worth you feeling this way. It seems like her expectations from a relationship are different from yours. What you want and what your partner wants need to be on the same track in order for things to work. If she wants to be flirting with other boys while you want to stick to one person, then it seems like you two are not a good match. And that is okay!! Why? Because you deserve someone who will stick to you just like you would to them. Just because this current girl doesn't do that with you, that doesn't mean that no girl will!",0.8451,positive,jealous 3274,depressed,Just why,listener_1,3,Whoever hit you with that baseball bat was unnecessarily cruel and immature.,-0.5859,negative,angry 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,speaker,1,"I don’t know why I can’t be happy it seems like it comes so easily for everyone else but I just literally can’t be happy and I hate it. I have everything I could need. Friends and a really good girlfriend but I’m not happy even now while I’m writing this my friends are all getting drunk having a good time and I’m in the bathroom crying my eyes out for reason. I just feel like every day I wake up into a nightmare and it just repeats everyday slowly kicking the shit out of my will to live. I can’t wake up and tell myself something I like about myself anymore I can’t be grateful for the amazing things and people I have around me I can’t trust my closest friends for some reason I’m just falling apart and I have no idea what to do. I’d give anything to be someone, literally anyone beside myself. My life is great from the outside looking in and I’m sure everyone else is the same but it really just fucking sucks living it",0.9923,positive,sad 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,listener_1,2,Have you tried some therapy session or medication?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,speaker,3,I’m not sure what’s making me feel like this I’ve felt like this for a long time I used to go to therapy when I was younger but they never talked to me cause I was too young they only Focused on my brother who was a little older than me I again tried therapy recently but it didn’t really help I have a really hard time opening up and trusting people and I’m afraid medications won’t help me The thought of seeking help and it not working or I get neglected again is unbearable the only real reason I haven’t killed Myself is cause I’m just too much of a pussy and can’t bring myself to ever follow through I work out and I have a social life but it just never feels fulfilling and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been content and happiness is fleeting I just honestly have no direction in my life and just feel like a failure in the eyes of my family and I’m comparison to my peers. My dad has told me I’m the least favorite of 4 children and he loves my brother more than me and that im a failure after hearing that so many times it’s hard to not believe it,0.9161,positive,afraid 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,listener_1,4,I get it bro. I can't certainly feel they you feel. I had some sad time for myself.each of us experience different experience and we just can't compare to each other.,-0.6293,negative,agreeing 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,listener_2,5,it's not good comparing to make a sadness contest but if it's to isolate the problems further I think it could be helpful right ?,-0.5723,negative,suggesting 3275,depressed,I just fucking hate myself,listener_2,6,"Well your father is wrong, it's harmful to be boldly negative to your son, even if he's not the kid you wish he is, if he's nice (I don't know you but you're doing all kinds of good efforts even through pain, which hint at the fact that you're a good enough person to begin with) enough then he should be happy. I think that's one factor to take into account in your suffering. As if you were trying to please the world (maybe your father/parent through all of this) to the point of forgetting what makes you you, happy and well. Life's tough when you have nobody to trust and guide you without making you feel bad. Don't feel like a failure, I'm pretty sure a lot of people (me for sure) would have been lost too in that situation. Actually I lacked guidance in my life and also pushed through life the wrong way until I got into a dark dead-end. Take your pain as a signal not as a sentence or a conclusion, it means things are wrong, so change some. And make yourself some room to have some peace just to think and feel about what you need or like and aim for it. I'd bet a hundred dollar that you will start to feel a little bit better, if not better, clearer.",0.8682,positive,agreeing 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,speaker,1,"I’m nearly 21 years old. When I turned 19 for some reason I developed real bad depression after never having it my whole life. Sometimes I wouldn’t leave the house for weeks, I would just sit in bed thinking of how I could kill myself painlessly, not even brushing my teeth or showering because I didn’t see the point, until the weekend came then I would go to the pub and drink heavily while sniffing coke. It numbed me from my own thoughts for a while which I know now looking back was foolish. I was completely convinced I was going to kill myself soon so nothing really mattered to me. This went on for ages and I thought it would never change. I never told anybody I just kept it to myself. Around September last year I started tripping on psychedelic shrooms quite often by myself, which I think had like some sort of positive effect on me that lasted a while. I started making positive changes in my life and I felt this sudden motivation to succeed and be the best I can be. This all ended near Christmas after I ran out of shrooms and reality started to hit me, I could feel myself returning back to the way I was. These past few weeks I’ve noticed that all I can constantly think about is how/where/when I am going to kill myself, it’s like I plan it out in my head every night and it comforts me to know I’m going to kill myself soon. I think I genuinely have a mental illness that could have somehow been amplified now that the afterglow of shrooms have wore off. I don’t want to go to the doctors because I don’t want depression, or whatever is wrong with me, to be on my records. I’m not willing to take any pills, plus I’m not really open like that anyway. I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. Maybe I’m just hoping someone has a bit of real advice, it’s also nice to anonymously type out how I feel as I wouldn’t dare to express this to anybody in person. I’m sure it’s time to finally kill myself soon, I’ve planned it all out and I know I’ve finally got the courage to do it after all these years of stalling.",-0.8974,negative,ashamed 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,speaker,3,"I’m not open enough to do it though, I’d rather just accept that I’m not going to feel better. I’ve tried to make positive changes but nothing seems to make much of a difference. Maybe I do just have a mental illness and won’t be able to change the way I feel about living. Thanks for your reply though.",0.6542,positive,suggesting 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,speaker,4,"Yeah once you’ve started taking those pills it’s probably best to remember to keep taking them, they must be working if you feel worse after forgetting to take them for a few days. You too man.",0.5106,positive,agreeing 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,listener_2,5,"I thought the same before I started going. It's different in therapy. Im not gna say it's easy to open up to a stranger but it's easier cause there's no repercussions like when you tell a close relative or friend you're depressed. You'd be surprised how muxh just talking about it helps and what good advice therapists offer. It may seem impossible now, but at least try just 1 session and see how it goes.",0.8636,positive,trusting 3276,depressed,What’s wrong with me,speaker,6,"I haven’t got the bottle I’m afraid, but thank you for your reply and good luck getting better 👍🏻",0.9428,positive,wishing 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,speaker,1,"one of my friendships is super screwed up. basically i feel like she knows nothing about me. i feel like all i do is take care of her. like i’m her therapist. she’s always in a bad mood, always has something minuscule to complain about, cry about, literally every day is the worst day of her life. every single thing that goes wrong is the end of the world to her. she has no idea what’s going on in my life and at this point i don’t even want to tell her because the very few times i have tried to start a conversation about one of my problems have ended in her frowning for a sec, saying “I’m sorry!” and moving on to a new subject. i feel bad, i can’t be mad at her for being sad, but i’m just so beyond exhausted. all i ever do is feel sorry for her, listen closely to her way-exaggerated “problems”, give her loads of advice when she asks for it, and basically coddle her. the past couple times she has come to me whining about something ridiculous i have been so TIRED of forcing back my own sadnesses to make room for hers that I think I came off as a bad friend. I can’t do it anymore, I have my own issues that are suffocating right now....she hasn’t even noticed that I haven’t been eating or sleeping for weeks. Am I wrong for being so exhausted by someone else’s sadness?",-0.9911,negative,caring 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_1,2,"I mean distant urself from the actual problems and just listen, its actually really amazing you have someone in your life that trusts you on that level to vent to you like that. It means you're a pretty good friend to them. That being said, yes its frustrating but you're basically saving that young ladies life. good for you man/lady. Just listen and you're just gonna have to find someone else to vent to as well. Some people are just weak like that, and you're just the tough one in the relationship.",0.8909,positive,trusting 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_2,3,I agree.,0.3612,positive,agreeing 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_1,4,"Sometimes people need someone to vent to without judgement dog, you gotta recognize that, its a social thing. Just relax big dog",0.4404,positive,trusting 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_2,5,There's a difference between venting and constantly complaining. There's also a difference between constantly being in a bad mood and seeing everything as a life ending problem versus having depression. This friend is emotionally exhausting and also self absorbed with a mixed of extreme self created drama. Those types of people take tolls on the lives of others. It's best to step back.,-0.4537,negative,angry 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,speaker,6,"I agree, but this isn’t sometimes. It’s the basis of every conversation. It’s just me trying to console her, and her meanwhile overlooking that I’m not in a good place myself. People definitely need to vent without judgment, but that includes myself and I do not have that opportunity with this friend.",0.5413,positive,agreeing 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_3,7,"Yeah but those people also need to recognise when to shut up and ask someone they're venting to how they are doing, occasionally, dog.",0.1531,positive,neutral 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_1,8,selfish or selfless choose one man,-0.4767,negative,neutral 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,speaker,9,"What you said about worrying about coming off that way to others—yes. It makes me so self conscious that every time I almost open up to someone about my problems, I stop myself because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m only worried about myself. It has led to me being extremely closed off and unable to express my feelings. :/",-0.872,negative,ashamed 3277,depressed,not trying to be that person but,listener_4,10,Exactly! It’s sad that we can’t just be completely open because there’s people who DO cross that line and make you feel like you’re in a one sided friendship,0.3802,positive,agreeing 3278,depressed,...,speaker,1,"My parents keep fighting every single day,my mom threw glass on the floor and threw a remote control on my dads head,this has been going on for year yet they are still together.....,my dad always makes excuses not to be home,he cheated on my mom multiple times and she knows but just ignores it................someone please help Idk what to do I feel emotionally disturbed",-0.4678,negative,furious 3278,depressed,...,listener_1,2,"Are you close with your parents? Are you able to tell them that it’s hurting you, or would you saying that just result in you getting in trouble? Maybe next time it happens, cry where they can see you so they can SEE that it effects you without them thinking you’ve gone out of your way to tell them, or even stuff like write in a diary and leave it open in your room for them to ‘accidentally’ see and underhand how you feel. I’m really sorry for you.",-0.7994,negative,suggesting 3278,depressed,...,listener_2,3,Crying won't do just make sure that they know you want them to be seperated ... I had similar situation at my house ... And my parents didn't got separated neither took a divorce ... My dad is alcholic he even hit my mom when i was like 7 years old and barely pays for our needs ... It sucks just get them divorced or separated believe me pls,-0.0516,negative,sad 3278,depressed,...,speaker,4,thank you and I hope you’re living the life u deserve,0.6597,positive,encouraging 3278,depressed,...,listener_1,5,I’m really sorry you went through that.,-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,speaker,1,"Hey, So I am someone who has always been hard on herself. Scared of doing something wrong, I never do things right. Beating myself up all the time. Angry for past decisions/mistakes, fuck ups with people and myself and just feeling unworthy in general. Now I have been feeling very down for a long time. I mute my thoughts and feelings with smoking weed all day. But I don't know if I'm just hosting my self pity party that has been going on for years, or if I am maybe depressed? I don't know, other people suffer way more than I do and have experienced more/worse traumas. I don't think I deserve to feel down. I'm a white woman from a rich western country with plenty opportunity. I am privileged and should make the best of everything but I can't. I honestly don't see the point. I've never been suicidal, but I just don't get the point of everything. ''Life sucks and then we die''' I used to say this mantra as a teenager but every day it seems more and more true.",-0.6124,negative,sad 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,listener_1,2,"I don’t know if you are able to achieve it, but please stop doing drugs(including alcohol and cigarettes). It’s important to have a ‘clear’ mind. Don’t kill your feelings, let them come and go. You have people close to you, some people you trust, and feel good hanging out with. Just try to be happy.(Im a 14-year-old teenager and I dont know how to deal with it , but I hope you find a solution to make yourself happier)maybe you should own a pet (like a cat or a dog, or something) Get better!",0.9538,positive,neutral 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,speaker,3,"That moment a 14 year old understands feelings more than you hahah. But Yeah I asked my landlord if I could have a bunny, but not allowed :( Thanks for your comment, can tell you bright and sweet. Now... Get off this subreddit and do some cool teenage stuff ;)",0.9428,positive,neutral 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,listener_1,4,And thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,listener_1,5,"Well, wish you a good day!",0.7901,positive,wishing 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,speaker,6,I checked it out! Interesting... Maybe I'll try it out when the weather is good,0.7088,positive,suggesting 3279,depressed,Depression or self pity party? Just a rant honestly,speaker,7,Exactly! 🙏 good to know I'm not only one who feels like this! I'll try and make a plan to stop abusing the stuff,0.1984,positive,agreeing 3280,depressed,Frazzled,speaker,1,My dad doesn't understand me My mum doesn't know how to help me My friends are busy My boyfriend doesn't know the real me Even GOD won't hear my plea I'm so tired I'm hopeless I just want to quit Im fed up,0.233,positive,angry 3280,depressed,Frazzled,listener_1,2,"How I feel too, alone in my head, no one can hear me scream",-0.7096,negative,lonely 3280,depressed,Frazzled,speaker,3,And now my dog is dying... What more??,0.0,neutral,questioning 3280,depressed,Frazzled,listener_2,4,Sheit,0.0,neutral,surprised 3281,depressed,Can't Ever Sleep,speaker,1,"Why does it have to be so difficult to just even get something as simple as sleep? If I'm not absolutely exhausted enough to fall asleep within minutes of lying down in bed or am drunk or high then I'm kept awake for hours by intrusive thoughts. All the past pain, trauma, and regret I feel creeps in and I get overwhelmed instantly. I get such a claustrophobic feeling and it's like I'm being suffocated. At least during the day there's more I can do to distract myself, at night laying in bed it's just me and my thoughts. I just want to sleep, not have a battle going on in my head every night...",-0.9028,negative,sad 3281,depressed,Can't Ever Sleep,listener_1,2,"Have you tried CBD with melatonin? Works for me most of the time, I deal with a lot of anxiety/overthinking and I have the occasional panic attack.",-0.703,negative,questioning 3281,depressed,Can't Ever Sleep,speaker,3,I can't get CBD since I'm not 21 but yeah I deal with those same things,-0.3252,negative,agreeing 3281,depressed,Can't Ever Sleep,listener_1,4,You can get melatonin.,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3282,depressed,Any advice. Any.,speaker,1," Fuck making a throwaway, I'll just write my thoughts and see what happens. 20M, mandatory community service. I'm doing it at a library, I believe it was the only place left in my hometown right now to do it. So in a lot of ways I could say I'm lucky. Didn't have to move anywhere, didn't have to even change my gym membership or anything. But the library is destroying my fucking head. It's me either doing overly easy tasks that have gotten pretty goddamn boring after 2 months of being there, or it's me having nothing to do because it often feels like they don't really even need me. But I still can't fill this time with something else like being on my phone or reading books or whatever because the staff still wants me to do something... even if there's nothing to do. You know the kind of people that just make no goddamn sense. Like how dare you just wait for more work!!! I tried talking about this immediately with family etc, but they're just ignoring it. First they gave a pretty good point saying that it takes a couple weeks to a month for something to become a routine so just keep going. But now it's been 2 months of just endless slow, boring, mind-numbingly fucking frustrating days and I'm so tired of it. And of course now when I try talking about it, it's just ignored. It's that instant ""stop complaining"" thing. I read how it's about attitude often, and doing it just to be able to enjoy other things. But this library is in my FUCKING WAY constantly. Can't relax and enjoy movies, music, shows or games because the library's in my head constantly. If the two months had gone fast, 9 more wouldn't sound so bad. But they've been SO SLOW. Sooooooo slow. 9 more sounds awful. Hitting a wall or screaming doesn't help. The only thing so far relieving some of the anger is hitting myself in the head and slapping myself hard. That's the only thing that lets some pressure and frustration out. Hitting objects doesn't help because it's me trying to find an alternative to real pain and violence, and those things are in my mind A LOT at the moment. Over a year ago a childhood friend of mine killed himself because of bad depression and ignorant people around him just ignoring his dreams and not being supportive in any way or helping with his mental health. He was always a super ambitious and smart person. I'm not suicidal at the moment, but the more people just fucking ignore my terrible feelings and the more I'm forced to go to this place every day, the more I'm starting to like the idea of doing something bad. I don't know what's gonna happen if I hear ""you just gotta do it"" one more time. I don't even know what I'm trying to accomplish with this post. Any sort of advice probably, just to have some idea of what I could do. Bro 9 more months of this. NINE.",-0.9958,negative,angry 3283,depressed,I am so fucked,speaker,1,*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh*,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3283,depressed,I am so fucked,listener_1,2,Elaborate?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3283,depressed,I am so fucked,listener_2,3,"Yes, please give evidence to support your claim. We may be able to help.",0.8555,positive,suggesting 3284,depressed,I hate myself right now,speaker,1,"I'm 19(m), I just recently(since December) dropout of a military college for multiple reason(financial, family, and personal) Ever since I got back to my mothers house. I been given the responsibility of taking care of my niece(7) and nephew(2) constantly to the point where I cannot have a job nor social life. I take care of the kids because my sister abandoned them. I understand that it's my obligation to take care of family but I haven't been able to work and forced to take online classes for college. I'm already struggling to accept the fact that I left the military college for good reasons but I can't shake off the feelings of being a failure and it doesn't help that everyone I knew already moved out of their parents and have good jobs, so I'm left hating myself. Which hasn't been help by my constant rollar coaster of emotions that come with it. I feel like I'm only a step away from from being a neet or some shit and I'm constantly questioning my self worth. Everytime I'm feeling down, guilt hits me hard for feeling pathetic Because I no longer want to join the military(was what I wanted to do since I was little but now I realize it isn't for me), I'm terrified of the future of what'll I'll do as a living and whether I'll get out of the debt I acclimated and will gather after college. I'm still doing online classes but it's been a struggle because whatever free time I get, I dedicate it to school and it's really hard to not to be tempted to distraction. Because I've been taking care of the kids, I have basically no social life, friends want to go paintballing or just hang out? Can't, kids can't be left alone. I would completely understand if it were my kids and I knocked up some girl but I'm still a damn virgin(all my friends still tease me about it) and haven't dated anyone since high school and now not for a while because of the kids. I can't drive anywhere because I don't have a license nor a car nor the time or ability to learn. So I feel like I'm falling behind everyone. The worst about all of this is that for all my hard work with the kids, is that I'll never see the fruit of labor because in a x amount of years, either my sister get her shit together, she gonna take the kids back or my cousin will take them when he gets decent pay and his own house and I'm once again left without a purpose I can't blame my mother nor my cousin who are the breadwinners but fuck I wish I wasn't the caretaker going no where with my career. And it isn't that I'm not willing to tell them or they wouldn't listen but I couldn't bear putting more burden on them then I already have",-0.9893,negative,caring 3284,depressed,I hate myself right now,listener_1,2,"damn bro keep in there, best of luck.",0.6705,positive,wishing 3284,depressed,I hate myself right now,speaker,3,Thanks dude,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3285,depressed,Am I the only one?,speaker,1,"My comfort zone became being sad and miserable. If I’m feeling ok and kinda happy I feel like there’s something wrong and I try hard to become sad. Sometimes I remember all the bad things that happened to me and tell it to a close friend so I can hear him say good words about/to me and I become ok, which means I cause the sadness and get myself out of it immediately. I’m always alone, even if I’m hanging out happily I return home feeling lonely and unwanted. My feeling are mostly sad or numb. I’m introvert, miserable and full of negativity. Idk if I need therapy or not, but I always think that I would know what he’d say so I just let it go. I started to smoke weed, at first I was having a 15-20 minutes of laughing without any reason, yesterday this mood turned into depressing mood, thinking of all the bad things and bad people I know and remember being unemployed and broke. My words are messy and I don’t know why I wrote this, but since no one knows me I’ll post it anyway.",-0.9788,negative,lonely 3285,depressed,Am I the only one?,listener_1,2,yeah man just focus inwards. Focus on bettering yourself.,0.29600000000000004,positive,questioning 3285,depressed,Am I the only one?,speaker,3,It’s easier said than done.,0.4215,positive,neutral 3285,depressed,Am I the only one?,listener_1,4,"start slower pal, like eat a healthy breakfast and work on a good 5k time!",0.8122,positive,suggesting 3286,depressed,I physically feel sad. Do you relate?,speaker,1,I have been depressed since I was 13 and haven’t really been happy with who I am since. I’m 19 now. These past few days I’ve been so sad I can literally feel it. It’s just this uncomfortable feeling I could compare to the one you get when you get really embarrassed around a group of people but never ending. Has anyone else felt this way? I don’t wanna go out anymore. I honestly don’t even wanna see my boyfriend cause I’m so uncomfortable with myself. Also I’m getting stress acne so that’s not helping!,-0.9016,negative,lonely 3286,depressed,I physically feel sad. Do you relate?,listener_1,2,Yes. Is anything specific making you sad?,-0.1027,negative,questioning 3286,depressed,I physically feel sad. Do you relate?,speaker,3,I think a big part of it is not having strong friendships and school. My only friends are my ex girlfriend and my boyfriend. So yeah just that sentence explains a lot.,0.3357,positive,lonely 3286,depressed,I physically feel sad. Do you relate?,listener_2,4,I don't think it's directly related with these. I suggest you to seek professional help so you can figure out what's been affecting your mood.,0.4019,positive,suggesting 3287,depressed,I am 13 and depressed. Idk what to do,speaker,1,I have little friends because of an event that made alot of people hate me. And most of the friends i have are toxic. My dad and therapist thinks its going good and thats what i've been telling them. But really i feel more sad then i have ever been. I also think of killing me pretty frequently. Does anyone know what i can do? Srry for my english and any spelling errors i am writing this on my phone and english is not my native language.,-0.8318,negative,lonely 3287,depressed,I am 13 and depressed. Idk what to do,listener_1,2,You are so young and have so much time to turn your life around. People will forgot when someone else does something. You will move on to another school. Just don’t focus on the social aspect as much right now. Tell your therapist and dad you feel suicidal and get help. You still have a chance!,-0.2714,negative,hopeful 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,speaker,1,I work at a company that has just been sold for the 2nd time. We have had layoffs the past 2 years and had people leave the company without hiring to fill those positions. I had a interview at a company which I saw as a perfect fit for my skills and culture environment. I was told from someone I know in the company that they were excited about interviewing me based on my resume and after the interview that they were impressed as well. Well after hearing only 2 people including myself were chosen for interviews I felt I had a great shot. Well a few days after the interviews a third candidate was scheduled for an interview and I was called with an update and told a decision should be made in 2 weeks due to this new candidate. That day comes and goes and I hear nothing. I call for an update and was called back today to be informed I was not selected. This news along with everyone at my job looking for new jobs and hearing how their progress is going has really made me depressed and thinking I am doomed to go down with the ship and get laid off. It hurts like a bad breakup and so just can’t think straight.,0.8942,positive,confident 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,listener_1,2,Just get another job.,0.0,neutral,questioning 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,speaker,3,Wish they handed them out like candy.,0.6369,positive,neutral 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,listener_1,4,Yea it's hard... not impossible. Especially in IT that's should be super in demand. Don't stress this.,0.6522,positive,agreeing 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,speaker,5,"I hope so, I already help my mom due to her losing my step father and her lack of income. I really don’t want to be in a place where I lose my job, have to sell my home and move in with her in my 30s. I have been with my company for 13 years in IT, but seeing as my company is in the newspaper business, stability is becoming an issue and it is really stressing me out.",-0.5994,negative,anxious 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,speaker,6,"Thanks, I had someone on the inside who relayed some good info to me but after a later interview was scheduled everything got quiet and then find out I didn’t get it shows me someone came in late and was either friends with someone or had something I didn’t. It really hurt when the day after my rejection that my co-worker got an offer. I am just sitting watching my co-workers find better places to work while I am stuck getting more work and fear of layoffs above my head which why people are fleeing.",-0.7955,negative,jealous 3288,depressed,Feel Like I Am Destined to be Unemployed,listener_2,7,"I know and it freaking sucks man!! Remember, a lot of recruiters are looking for experienced employees, and you have that. Just remember that. Try LinkedIn, perhaps it might help? I have seen a lot of people on LinkedIn sharing professional's CVs and just helping people who are looking for a job.",0.4559,positive,agreeing 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,1,"I have been planning this out for about 2 weeks. My parents won't be home for the entire day tomorrow, that's when I'm going to do it. I'm 16 and already done with life. I'm not going to fight for something that I don't want, I didn't ask for the life that was given to me. Maybe you care about my life but I don't. I am Nick,16 and I will be dead on 27-2-2020. Farewell",-0.6563,negative,content 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_1,2,"Nick, would you like to have a pizza for dinner today? or tmr?",0.4329,positive,questioning 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,3,This guy actually called the police,0.0,neutral,impressed 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,4,And then what? \*calls police\* Yeah some 16 year old guy on reddit called Nick wants and is going to kill himself.,-0.5423,negative,afraid 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,5,"I've been planning my suicide for 2 weeks, but i've been thinking about suicide for about 5 years.",-0.875,negative,anticipating 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_2,6,Damn 5 years,-0.4019,negative,angry 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,7,> I'll be here to hold your hand You'll be holding the hand of a corpse.,0.4019,positive,caring 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,8,I'm posting on reddit because I don't want to actually talk to people.,-0.0572,negative,apprehensive 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_2,9,Plz,0.0772,positive,annoyed 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,10,All of these comments and messages from you makes me feel like you're more hopeless than I am.,-0.2006,negative,jealous 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_3,11,"So, can we still be friends :)",0.7269,positive,suggesting 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_3,12,People trying to change my damn life and they think that they can mould it like clay into whatever the f**k they want us to be. And all this actually took the feeling of sympathy for anyone from me and it's really hard to find people in similar situations.,0.3415,positive,sad 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_3,13,"Doesn't matter if we can still be friends. I'm as depressed as you are,",-0.0706,negative,sad 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,14,>There’s a long life waiting for you. That's the problem.,-0.4019,negative,neutral 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,15,It made me feel good in the first place but then I realised someone wasted it on me.,-0.5187,negative,disappointed 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,16,no,-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_4,17,"I have those kids of days. I find myself going out of the way to avoid people and be alone. I find bathtubs with lots of bubbles, a pint of icecream, and something cold to drink the best way to avoid talking to people.",-0.0516,negative,lonely 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_4,18,"Agreed. A long life of the same misery would be a problem. If you could have 1 thing that would make it a little better, what would it be?",-0.4005,negative,agreeing 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_5,19,"It's not a waste if it made you feel good, that was the purpose of it",0.6407,positive,neutral 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_6,20,"There is a reason you posted on here rather than just leaving in silence. You made five posts about this. You wanted to reach out, you wanted interaction with people. Few people like their life at 16. But things change. Why don't you try talking with some people on here or the text number I gave you. Even if you think your life is horrible, tell us about it. Tell us what makes it so unbearable.",-0.5423,negative,questioning 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_3,21,"Yeah, I am. You're just living a better life than most of us for sure, because living in a third world country is bad enough for me and now even my those who were my friends once are now trying to drag me to hell. I know I'm a bit different than others and I don't like to talk with much people but in here those who stay silent get bullied for their silence. And most people live their life even though it is a living hell. Because they have hope, they have hope to defeat their own fears. So yeah your life is much better than most of ours for sure. This is a truth that you might not heard before",0.1266,positive,jealous 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_2,22,Sorry 😁,0.4019,positive,sympathizing 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,23,A gun so that it's easier.,0.1689,positive,afraid 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_4,24,I’ve shot guns a lot. Have you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,speaker,25,Don't you think I feel terrible for my mother? But I just can't do it anymore.,-0.2617,negative,sentimental 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_4,26,"If she is worth it, and you care about her, you should talk to her about this. Taking her by surprise on this will ruin her life. She deserves your honesty on this.",0.6808,positive,trusting 3289,depressed,I don't want help I just want to say goodbye.,listener_7,27,"You're alive! It's for a reason dude. You just havent met the reason yet, dont give up. I've struggled with depression since I was 9 yrs old, bullying and all that. Early 20s now, and glad I didnt end my life. I have my soul mate and a baby coming and cant believe I almost missed out on it. Not saying marriage and a baby are your reason, but you never know.",-0.5339,negative,grateful 3290,depressed,Everyone judges me.,speaker,1,"I'm a 17 year old Male in high school and everyone I know or meet seems to judge me. Right now I'm so fucking isolated and to some extent it actually feels good to just ignore everyone else. Most days I spend my time listening to music and getting lost in my thoughts. I wish I could meet some actually genuine people. My family is so fake and ostracizing. My dad is an ass who lives in a delusional universe where our family isnt completely dysfunctional. My mom doesn't support my actions because she believes in the bible and thinks what I do is wrong. My siblings always condescend towards me like I'm five. At school, I dont really have much of a social life because meeting new people is hard and we just moved here in summer. I just feel so hopeless and isolated it's like there's no one I can talk to. Anyway, at this point I'm just writing to vent. Sorry for the complaining I just needed to write to get my frustration out.",-0.9724,negative,lonely 3290,depressed,Everyone judges me.,listener_1,2,"Hey, if you ever want to chat, about anything, I’m here.",0.0772,positive,questioning 3290,depressed,Everyone judges me.,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3290,depressed,Everyone judges me.,listener_1,4,"Sure! So, how are you doing?",0.3802,positive,questioning 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,1,I just wanna die. I suck. I’m horrible. I’m a horrible girlfriend. Daughter. Granddaughter. Sister. Niece. Friend. Why do I have anything good? Why can’t I be happy? Why. I thought I was fine. Screw it. Fuck it all.,-0.8156,negative,devastated 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_3,2,What brought you to this conclusion?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,3,Sorry. I was having another episode.,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,4,"Thank you so much, I just had one of my really down moments after a really long time. I’m better now.",0.6597,positive,grateful 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,5,You’re not :). You’re definitely worth a lot... sometimes it’s hard realizing it. I still can’t see it in myself but I’m sure you’re amazing. Stay strong. Sincerely with love.,0.9755,positive,wishing 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_4,6,"Awww that’s so sweet! Thank you so much, I really appreciate your comments, it warms my heart. Im amazed you even remember my message, it was like a month ago haha. So how are you doing all these weeks later? Still the same or is it a little better?",0.9796,positive,questioning 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,7,"Yes I’m doing much better ^-^, I had to take a vacation a month ago for my mental health. How are you doing?",0.6808,positive,questioning 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_4,8,"Yes that sounds like a great idea! Me, to be honest I’m doing pretty bad right now. The heat is really annoying and my stomach is hurting so much, besides that I’m alive I guess : ).",0.8590000000000001,positive,acknowledging 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_2,9,"I’m so sorry, I hope you start feeling better! If there’s anything you need, I’m happy to try and help. <3",0.9129,positive,sympathizing 3290,depressed,I hate myself.,listener_4,10,"Thank you, that’s sweet. Feel free to send me a pm if you want to, just having a conversation would help a little.",0.8957,positive,acknowledging 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,1,"I am alone...it's been like 5-6year... I feel like I don't belong here... I am depressed, have social anxiety, alone, have trust issues and don't know what more. Even though I am surrounded by people half the time but feel like this. I don't want to live. I want to talk about my feelings with someone but I don't find anyone whom I can connect to , share to or whom I can trust. I always had friends but after sometime I just cut them off its never what I wanted to do but it just happens. I feel like nobody understands me. I don't what to live anymore. I always feel suicidal but I know I won't commit suicide just because I love my parents. Just because of them I have been strong and taken all these thing and keep living but now it's getting out of my hands. I have never shared any of these feelings with anyone in person or online but I really think now I have to, its becoming unbearable.",0.972,positive,lonely 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,listener_1,2,If u ever need someone too talk too send a message :) stay safe,0.7096,positive,agreeing 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,3,Thanks .. sure I will when feel to,0.6369,positive,agreeing 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,4,Thanks bro,0.4404,positive,wishing 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,5,"Same here I deativate my facebook like 4years back, created instagram account just to see memes never posted anything .... Created this reddit account just to stay kind of anonymous and share what I feel, because it's becoming unbearable.",0.7717,positive,lonely 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,listener_2,6,"Hey, I'm did the same. I made a Facebook account but after 2 days I deleted Facebook because I don't trust it. And made an Instagram account and now using it to read memes and I only trust Reddit but still I don't post anything with my personal info",0.2256,positive,trusting 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,7,Earlier I used to just read things on reddit but last few days were very hard for me... So started posting... Feels good but only for sometime.... I don't know what to do... whatever I do only makes me feels good for few moments then again it's back the same.,0.7691,positive,lonely 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,listener_2,8,"We can talk like this everyday, I mean we can be friends and share all the memes and stuff help each other out. Only if you like a good friendship",0.9501,positive,agreeing 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,listener_2,9,So you're feeling lonely just like me,0.1317,positive,acknowledging 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,10,Yeah....want to get better very badly....but nothing is working,0.4404,positive,disappointed 3291,depressed,I need help... I need to to talk to someone....,speaker,11,That might be better.... Lets chat,0.4404,positive,suggesting 3292,depressed,More poetry,speaker,1,"Choose life, Choose regretting waking up in the morning, Choose not knowing what you want in life, Choose hating who you see in the mirror, Choose Facebook Twitter Instagram an endless cifer of judging and persucation, Choose takin meds to nullify your feeling of sadness, Choose regretting every decision you ever made bc you made them, Choose alcohol drugs pushing your problems down till you breakdown half baked out of your mind rocking out your window begging yourself that you'll jump, Choose questionig your very existince, Choose working a deadend job bc your to dumb to have a real career, Choose subsiding your emotions, Choose telling your freinds and family ""I'm fine"" when deep down your on the verge of collapse of takin one too many pills and ending it all, Choose crying alone in your room bc ""it's not manly to cry"" you've got to be strong right ?, RIGHT ?, choose life ? What a fucking joke, Choose anything but fucking life.",-0.8184,negative,sad 3292,depressed,More poetry,listener_1,2,Trainspotting reference?🖤,0.6369,positive,surprised 3292,depressed,More poetry,speaker,3,Very much so from T2 choose life speech tho alot more deppresing that en,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3292,depressed,More poetry,listener_1,4,"Yes, that part really hit me",0.4019,positive,agreeing 3293,depressed,"Need an good advice, not dont think about that",speaker,1,"hi, i wanted to tell you guys my story, when i was young i had a friend, she was always for me to talk or sth, and i was for her, we were in one class so we were talking so much time, one day after 3 years of friendship she decided to admit that she love's me, it was on facebook (she was shy) and i answered XD i know it, i was like ""okay, i know but we are just friends"" i was acting like nothing happened, she tried too but she cant, she had to go to psychologist for much time, she couldnt even think straight... ​ ​ then she find a boyfriend, it was nasty boy, he was older 4 years (22), alcoholik, her parents hate him cuz he was so toxic, but she tried to forget about me and start new life, i remembered that i dont want anybody to kiss, sleep with or talking i love you exept me, i was trying to get her back so i was talking her to break up with him, she was always like ""i know he is terrible boyfriend but i wont find nobody better or i love him (it wasn't real talk)"" i was dying those times, one day i said ""if you could change him for me, would you do that, then she answered (no? why would i, and what you mean) this moment i fall in a little depression, i never was a person who need atention, so i was just crying in my home or cutting my body, (it was helping me as well, i couldnt sleep without thinking about her and her actuall boyfriend) then she started to drink alcohol, he was buying her mostly bear cuz he wasn't even rich or something, she was drunk literally 24/7 she fucked up school so she had to move to different, and one day he hitted her, she didnt tells me that, but later when he done this one more time, she instantly informed me, i convinced her to break up, but she wasnt the person i was growing up, she started to drink smoke (i like to smoke weed or drink but its different) she was doing this all time. ​ later i had to go to work in different country, i didnt telled her anything, but when 3 months passed i added her to conversation on facebook to go on holidays somewhere, i started to talk with her like in old days, but in this conversatiuon my friend invited her and every person to meet up, so they go, and she get in relationship with him and i couldnt do shit, i was too scared to write stop please dont leave me for him because i though she dont love me anymore, she started to be with him, and i was in sweden so i couldnt do shit, i was dying everyday more and more, and then i back, i seen them kissing, i find out that they were both fucking, and now she is my girlfriend, because he left her and go to another girl, she said she is happiest person in a world and i am special (i was believing in it, and then i checked out her phone (i acted like thrash or dog, i know but i was that frustrated on everything) then i saw she was sending similar photos to her sending same messages (its normal i know, because if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you trying to be the best version of yourself) but she said i am special and its different than before ​ so why she rejected my proposition few years lateer, why she didnt wanted to fight for me again when i said that to her. i just cant belive i am not her first person, frustration is killing me, i am cutting myself more than before, even now when i am writing this im flooded with tears, in normal relationshit i would just break up, but i love her so much and it killing me from inside that i rejected her 7 years ago, please somebody just help me, or tell what i have to do, i wanted to go to psychologist but i am searching for different solves... if you're here i just wanted to thank you for readying this shitty post xd and admit that my english is not on high lvl.. thanks",0.9831,positive,surprised 3293,depressed,"Need an good advice, not dont think about that",listener_1,2,"You need to talk to her. First, it's okay not to forget the past but please don't get stuck in it. You let her go once. I know it hurts but it is the truth. You made a mistake. If you love her, try not to lose her again. Second, you have her now. Talk to her and be open and understand. Try to understand her side, whatever she tell you. Say that you're uncomfortable with her contacting him or/and other things that makes you uncomfortable. She will make at least some adjustments but try to absorb and respect her decision. Communication is key. I'm very similar to you, but I realized, she can't read my mind. I'm not perfect, I still do it sometimes but I try to talk to her. So, please talk to her. Third, You might be overthinking the past and instead make new memories with her. As I said earlier, don't forget the past but don't get stuck with it. The important things is you keep moving forward either with her or without her. Disclaimer: It's an advice from a random person, it could be good or bad. I don't know man, it seems like hypocritical of me to say move forward when I can't even move forward myself.",0.8478,positive,trusting 3293,depressed,"Need an good advice, not dont think about that",speaker,3,"Thanks bro, it means much to me that you even wanted to read my post, btw i was talking to her, sometimes she just was in tears after my talking, she wanted to change i appreciate it, but all time i miss something in my heart like, this is not what means happiness.. if you need help with something, you can ask me, maybe i would know how to help you",0.9289,positive,grateful 3294,depressed,Burnt Out,speaker,1,"I've had so many crushes. My latest one just shot me down and I was a real creep beforehand, because I really liked him. I'm just tired. I'm just so, so, so, sooo fucking tired. I don't have the energy to care anymore. Yes, I'd love for someone to love me but that means loving myself but dammit I don't love myself. And I'm just so tired of trying to change to fit everyone's expectations. I just wanna be me. I just wanna be happy and do what I like. But it's not that simple. The medication drains me off life, and I keep chasing after it. I never catch up. I try to make plans but they never work out. I'm just sad, lonely and burnt out.",0.5408,positive,lonely 3294,depressed,Burnt Out,listener_1,2,"Damn. Why don’t you love yourself? Have you ever addressed those issues? Also, have you ever heard of “Find Your Why” by Simon Sinek? Sounds gimmicky but it actually really works. Also what do you look like? Totally unrelated but I can’t help being curious.",0.9092,positive,questioning 3294,depressed,Burnt Out,speaker,3,I do the same. Every new project I take on just stays unfinished because I lose interest and leave. I just have no will to finish anything,-0.2732,negative,ashamed 3294,depressed,Burnt Out,listener_2,4,Why do you say you are ugly?,-0.5106,negative,questioning 3294,depressed,Burnt Out,listener_3,5,Hi - what type of jobs are you trying to complete and why do you feel you are so creepy?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3295,depressed,Update,speaker,1,"I failed. I don't understand how because I jumped with a noose around my neck from more than 3 meters of height with my legs pulled in, but I failed and I don't know how to feel right now. I'm in the mental hospital now and not gonna lie I kinda like it here more than I expected I would. I want to thank the guy that called the police because I don't know what I would have done if the cops didn't show up.",-0.0231,neutral,grateful 3295,depressed,Update,listener_1,2,"All hearts and minds man, we got an evil world we in. All i ask; is pay it forward, there's more people who need you to recover and advocate for them. Proud of you reaching out for help!",0.75,positive,grateful 3295,depressed,Update,listener_2,3,"Also curious how the police found him with no identifying information and the took him to a psychiatric facility rather than EMS taking him to a hospital where a psychiatric professional would ascertain if he actually attempted suicide and then if it were deemed necessary, place a 72 hour hold on him for evaluation. I’m not aware of any place in the USA where police just drop people off at institutions. Then there’s the whole issue of his being a minor. I realize it’s unpopular to say here, in a subreddit with people who are actually in distress or who have dealt with this kind of issue in the past, but this whole narrative reads like an immature person’s nonsense.",-0.6956,negative,apprehensive 3295,depressed,Update,speaker,4,They tracked my IP adress and yes I am allowed to have a phone with acces to internet,0.4019,positive,agreeing 3295,depressed,Update,listener_3,5,"Honestly, we are skeptical of this post for the exact same reasons you and the other person mentioned. We are debating what to do with this post. But your concerns are shared.",0.5346,positive,apprehensive 3295,depressed,Update,listener_2,6,And your response and efforts in this subreddit are appreciated.,0.5106,positive,wishing 3295,depressed,Update,speaker,7,Good,0.4404,positive,proud 3295,depressed,Update,listener_3,8,"Thanks! I'm leaving the post up so people who responded and were genuinely concerned can feel at ease, but everything points to a troll.",0.4574,positive,neutral 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,1,"I have been depressed and lonely since I was 15, (I’m 18 now), but as I got into university, things were finally looking up, and I was making a friend for the first time. Long story short things fell apart, she no longer wants to be my friend and told me that the whole thing had been awkward from the start. This wasn’t said in rage or anything, she said she had no hard feelings, but just did not want to continue. Things had kinda been awkward and I had come off as far too intense at times. This was upsetting, but I got on with my life, focusing on school, even though I was now completely alone. Slowly, I started to fall back into depression again, as I had nothing in my life to look forward to anymore. I just did not see the point in going on, and I kinda had a mental break. I really felt I had no one else to go to, and I thought people were meant to “reach out” and “talk to somebody”. She’s pretty much been the only person I have had any real connection with, and have related to. So I sent her a text telling her that I was feeling depressed, lonely, was struggling to get out of the bed in the morning, and needed someone to talk to, because I felt “I had nowhere left to turn”. She responded saying “Hi... sorry that you’re having a hard time, you can text me. But yeah like you said I don’t have advice but you can text...”, and I thanked her but it was late so I went to bed. The next day she texts me again saying “Sorry but I have really been thinking about this whole sending me texts thing and it isn’t going to work. It’s just stressing me out.” This devastated me. I have been dealing with depression alone for many years, and when I finally try to reach out to somebody they won’t even listen to me... Is my existence that worthless?? I don’t know what to do anymore... I really am not in the position to join a fucking club, and if another counsellor tells me that, I will snap. I am so lonely, and it’s not because I can’t talk to people or anything. I can and do. I just never manage to build and maintain friendships because I was unlucky enough to be born autistic and with parents who seem to care so little about my wellbeing, that they decided to manipulate me into being an emotional pawn in a divorce, before moving me across the world 4 times, forcing me to lose all childhood friends. I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to fail this semester. Not because I don’t do well academically, last semester I nearly got straight As. I just do not see the point anymore. I have no aspirations, no motivation, nothing to look forward to, and the worst part is that literally the only person who cares, is my mother who happens to live on the other side of the planet. I live with my Dad and I have told him but he really does not understand, and sometimes doesn’t seem to care. Because of how busy the school counselling service is, I won’t see one till mid-march. I was thinking about getting one outside of school, but it’s very expensive, and never seems to help based on what I’ve tried before. My Mum suggested I drop out of this semester and go down to her, but I can’t repeat this semester. I’d all be much easier if somebody just cared, if I had a friend who would go through the pains of showing that they care, and appreciate my existence... I know I am lucky enough to at least have one parent who cares (even if she does live across the globe), to be academically intelligent, and to be born in an upper middle class family, but I am not happy. I don’t see he point anymore. I am so tired of being alone...",-0.9675,negative,devastated 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",listener_1,2,"I'm proud of you for reaching out, Some people cant handle the reality of how cruel this world is. I'm sorry your friends couldn't help you out. I assume you're European? I'm American btw, its super nice to meet you! I hope you reach out anytime u need anything. Seriously the fact you can admit you need help is better than the majority. I see great things in you.",0.9658,positive,proud 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,3,"Thank you, Canadian actually. My Mum has booked a appointment with an actual psychologist now, so that’s something. I honestly really miss this girl though, even though she kinda abandoned me. She was the only person I really connected with lately. We shared lots of interests. I feel like it was my fault for screwing it up, and now I feel terrible because I’ve been so cling and pathetic that she pretty much hates me at this point...",-0.552,negative,lonely 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",listener_1,4,"it aint pathetic brother, dont think like that. she don't hate you she's just as afraid as you are. If you think your psychologist isnt good enough ask for a new one!!",0.4703,positive,agreeing 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,5,"Yeah, this pretty much sums up my situation too. Although I think she hates me at this point, so I’ll never be able to reach out again...",0.3818,positive,agreeing 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",listener_2,6,"I’m sure she doesn’t hate, she just needs some space most likely. It’s your mind tricking you into believing she hates you, when that’s probably not the case. Depression will make you overthink a lot. As difficult as it can be to give someone your really care about space, sometimes it’s for the best. It’s not an easy situation to be in at all, especially when they’re the only person you had to confide in...",0.3788,positive,trusting 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,7,"Before this, several weeks ago, she told me that she did not want to be friends anymore, and that the whole thing had been kinda awkward from the start. That we just didn’t click or something, but that theres no hard feelings. I don’t think that’s true. I think I screwed things up thanks to being mentally ill and having attachment issues. I’m not sure how long I should wait. I think things are over, and I really don’t want to try again. I just feel apathetic. I don’t care about most people. But as soon as I do I sure as hell aren’t letting them go easily... That’s attachment issues. She may not hate me, but I stress her out, and make her uncomfortable.",0.4312,positive,apprehensive 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",listener_2,8,"At least she straight up told you that she didn’t want to be friends instead of leaving you hanging and always questioning why she disappeared. However, if she felt that you guys didn’t click, there’s probably no point in dwelling on things too much. I get easily attached to people too and that messes a lot up for me as well which is why I tend to chose not to open up too much to people because the moment I do I feel it exposes me and shows that everything isn’t as black and white with me as I make it seem. If you think things truly are over between you two, it’s probably for the best you try to move on and forget her, as difficult that will be. Trying to reform that connection which doesn’t sound like it mutual in the first place will probably just hurt you even more if she doesn’t want to talk with you. That’s the last thing you need right now, especially for your mental health.",0.7906,positive,trusting 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,9,"Right now, I am literally struggling to find the will to live. I know, not feel, know, that the only people who would care if I died was some family. My some of my old friends would be shocked about the cause, but nobody would miss me. I just wish I had somebody who cared about my existence. But I fear I will never find that, or only will in several years time, and frankly I can’t endure several more years of this. I’m tired of having to “build on myself” to find friends, am I really that much of a faulty human being that I am literally incapable of finding them... I hate this, I hate my life so much. I’m sorry, I know it could be worse, at least I have a family etc etc, but I legitimately struggle to see the reason I should endure. Like I literally have nothing to look forward to anymore. I don’t even want a relationship at this point, and friends seem greatly overrated based on my experience...",-0.9392,negative,lonely 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",listener_2,10,"Totally understand where you’re coming from as I pretty much feel the exact same way about my own life right now. The desire to change and improve as a person is there but I simply am not in the right frame of mind to do so right now. We’re not awful people. We just have our problems and some people just fail to understand them, that’s all it is...",-0.2914,negative,agreeing 3296,depressed,"For the first time in my life, I admitted to the first friend I had made in several years, that I was depressed, and I know no longer have a friend...",speaker,11,"Thank you, I needed to hear that.",0.3612,positive,sympathizing 3297,depressed,My mom abuses me and I don't think I can survive,speaker,1,"Chinese people have high beauty standards and my mom has very high standards when it comes to me. Ever since I was little, she would beat me for the stupidest things I did, such as fight with my brother almost every single day. She would berate hours upon hours of insults, comparing us to other children knew. I would cry, or I would stand there looking at somewhere else than her fu\*cking face. I was very shy person and at school, I would cry for the littlest of things because of my treatment at home. People would always call me a crybaby. At around nine year old, I started to develop the habit of picking pimples, scabs or anything that was a bump on my face. I would routinely scratch for minutes at a time and once, for half an hour. My mom would yell for hours about how I needed to stop picking my face, straighten my back and cut my hair ( I liked having long bangs and hair). At first, these arguments were always one-sided with only her yelling at me and as I grew older, I started to talk back. The worst part is that whenever these arguments ended, she would pretend that it never happened which was the worst thing for me. When got into my teens (I'm 13) she started comparing me to other girls and my back and my face and how I needed to wear makeup. When we went to parties she would say I was the ugliest girl there with no makeup because I really hated makeup. When I look at my cousins' families I would just want to cry at how lucky they are to have such a loving family. Then as of recently, I feel like I might be going crazy. After her yelling at me, I would go in my room and just start to laugh. I laughed liked I was the happiest in the world and after world continue crying. I feel so heartless and I don't feel loved by anyone at home so school is the only option for me to feel loved by friends but that doesn't help. I'm so desperate for a boy to come and just give me the love my parents never showed me. My mind is filled with thoughts of killing myself to end this shit life I have. I don't think posting about personal issues onto the internet would benefit me but I just had to release all of these feelings. I hate her voice, I hate everything. If any of you people out there who has experienced a similar life out there, I just want to say, survive for yourself, not for others but yourself. And If you are able to survive, life your life to the happiest because you will never have the chance to again. I shouldn't even be saying this but I plan on cutting my mom off when I get to college. I really want to experience I life with no worries. Please, if you have any advice I can follow, it would be great appreciated.",-0.9168,negative,annoyed 3297,depressed,My mom abuses me and I don't think I can survive,listener_1,2,Keep your head up and stay strong. Your stronger than you give yourself credit for. You are the strong one in the situation 😉👍🏼👍🏼,0.8957,positive,confident 3297,depressed,My mom abuses me and I don't think I can survive,speaker,3,I-,0.0,neutral,ashamed 3297,depressed,My mom abuses me and I don't think I can survive,listener_2,4,i think your mom's just jelly,0.0,neutral,neutral 3297,depressed,My mom abuses me and I don't think I can survive,speaker,5,eh she’s pretty,0.4939,positive,acknowledging 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",speaker,1,"Life has been throwing me curveballs lately. I am a 30 y/o female who has never had an intimate relationship and feeling alone. I have a veterinary technician license that is apparently made me over-certified and under-qualified for these positions. No one is willing to take a chance on me and help me grow my career. I have a great support system, my family who help me keep a roof over my head. I am still dependent on them and I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm not okay right now and they keep saying ""it'll pass"" or ""think positive."" I keep saving face with them because they are sick of the crying and the ""woe is me"" mentality. I know I have a great family and I am thankful for that, but at 30 years of age I thought I would have my shit together. Feeling super alone right now, super depressed. My friends don't really notice my change because I try to save face with them as well. I feel safer opening up to strangers on reddit than my own support system. My therapist just got back into town, I will be scheduling an appointment as soon as possible. Hoping it helps because I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to be happy, I deserve to be happy.",0.9924,positive,lonely 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",listener_1,2,im sorry to hear the troubles i know what its like i am 33 and i have never even been on a date. i worked my way up at my job only to have a mental breakdown now im all the way back down to an entry level position. I dont know if its that things never go right for us or we just persiev it that way because of our depression. i know i personally have a very hard time recalling most memories from when i was younger let alone any good ones. wish i could offer any advice but all i can do is offer solidarity and a willingness to listen(or read rather) if you want.,0.6253,positive,agreeing 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",speaker,3,"I'm sorry you're facing these challenges friend.sounds like a shitty situation. Hoping things go in a good direction for you soon. I'm here if you need to talk. Keep fighting and being strong, I will try this az well. Thank you for reaching out.",0.8689,positive,sympathizing 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",listener_2,4,Hey at 53 could you tell me the point of life or is it still up for interpretation?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",listener_3,5,"The point of life is what you make of it. You give meaning to your own life by the choices you make that bring you satisfaction, contentment, and fulfillment as well as giving those same feelings to others. I've always liked this video: https://youtu.be/Tvz0mmF6NW4",0.8934,positive,proud 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",listener_2,6,"Well I do a lot for the people l love and all I ask for is their time. But I can't get that. So should I start being a killer? If I can't be loved for doing good I should just be happy doing evil so I can control the out come. Of course I really can't kill anybody it's just I don't want to spend all my time on earth lonely but that's what happening and I can't stop it, no matter what I do. It's horrible.",-0.701,negative,guilty 3298,depressed,"Feeling super depressed, family keeps saying ""get over it"" or sending me motivational posts, like its gonna change anything",listener_3,7,That's a weird leap to being a killer. You can't control other people. You aren't always going to get the response you want in return but that doesn't mean to stop being true to yourself. But you can also learn to limit your time and effort and not give it to just anyone.,0.4909,positive,neutral 3299,depressed,Hopeless teen,speaker,1,"I hurt myself again tonight for the first time in two years. Thought I was getting better.. I’ve only been here for 17 years and I’ve already tried to throw myself away..how am I suppose to do this until it’s actually my time to go? I don’t know if I’m going to see that day if things keep going the way they are. I have borderline personality disorder, severe depression and anxiety, I’m tired of feeling this way I feel too much all the time. I would rather be numb and not feel anything at all then feel like this. I’m drowning in my own thoughts I want to turn them off.",-0.9042,negative,devastated 3299,depressed,Hopeless teen,listener_1,2,I'm 15 and have attempted 12 times.But I keep going because everyday I add something new to my schedule.I make myself busy.Even the smallest thing could change everything maybe you'll make new friends or you'll have a new hobbies but it's best to keep going and waiting for Hope.Stay Strong!,0.9273,positive,hopeful 3299,depressed,Hopeless teen,speaker,3,Thankyou. U too.,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3300,depressed,Feeling Dark,speaker,1,I think I will be OK... but I am feeling pretty dark today.,0.7227,positive,afraid 3300,depressed,Feeling Dark,listener_1,2,Hang in there,0.0,neutral,consoling 3300,depressed,Feeling Dark,speaker,3,Thanks,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3301,depressed,Just a hug,speaker,1,"Like really I'm so fucked up that I really need a hug from anyone. Woman, child... man I'm not even gay. Just a loving embrace that tells me, ""yes you are here and you are Loved regardless."" Why does the world has to be so cold to the people who need it the most? Like a monster could rape an 8 year old but the only thing I would do is show love and make sure they have good memories of me. It's like evil always have the upper hand. I could understand if I was a bag of shit. But I'm not. So why the fuck I can't get any love out here? Check my track record. Never raped anyone, never sexually assaulted anyone, never molested a child, give what little money I have to make people lives better. Always willing to help those in need. Community service just for shits, donated blood. Much rather turn the other cheek even if I'm bigger and stronger than most men. Yea I'm antisocial but I was hoping my family will see the real me and spend time with me. I been gave up having a girlfriend because I'm too unperfect and real and I make them know that too soon. Idk life is just a box of chocolates, they're all full of shit. Drunken rant over.",0.9454,positive,faithful 3301,depressed,Just a hug,listener_1,2,\\____________(°°)____________//,0.0,neutral,jealous 3301,depressed,Just a hug,speaker,3,"Well giving does make me happy but it's usually followed by loneliness. I just want to be wanted. As a big brother and a loving cousin. It's crazy that I left the most gainfully employed job I ever had because I was lonely, moved to a small island nation where I thought my family wouldn't leave me lonely. But they did and I don't even have a job or a place to stay. So out of love and hope I put myself in a worse situation. Like I will kill just to spend an hour a day with my little sister, but begging people for their time kinda makes me feel worse because it's not supposed to be like that. Idk I guess some people are meant to be lonely.",0.0213,neutral,faithful 3301,depressed,Just a hug,listener_2,4,"This is bullshit. I'm glad you found a community of people you can connect to but it's absolute bullshit that people who believe in a god are any more loving than those that don't. In fact, it's often quite the opposite when it comes to acceptance of others who are different. Don't proselytize here.",0.7808,positive,angry 3301,depressed,Just a hug,speaker,5,Maybe church but I don't like the politics that come with it. But I will consider it and walk in one this Sunday and see what happens.,-0.395,negative,apprehensive 3301,depressed,Just a hug,listener_3,6,I agree. I was forced to go to church as a kid and still have trouble going but I found a support group through a church and met some people that I’m deeply connected to now and who really care about me. I really suggest seeing what’s out there.,0.8014,positive,trusting 3301,depressed,Just a hug,listener_4,7,"Yes! I totally understand. I really had no faith at all, but started checking out different churches about five years ago. I went to maybe 8 different ones. And then I walked into one and just kinda knew it was where I should be. The people have been incredible, I’ve made so many friends. And I haven’t experienced politics at all. I think it really depends on the team who is leading. People do good stuff, people do bad stuff... I mean that’s who we are. But there are healthy people who truly want what’s best for others. And that’s the place to be.",0.9628,positive,trusting 3301,depressed,Just a hug,listener_4,8,"Woah. I definitely don’t believe that people who believe in God are more loving than those who don’t, and I didn’t say that in my response. I am sharing my experience only, not at all discounting anyone. There are many many options to plug into loving communities (any faith, or non-faith). I make no claim to know the “right” one. I agree that historically religion has done major damage to people who are different. I hate that. But certainly not everyone. There are healthy, loving and kind people inside churches, and outside churches. I actually expected church to be more as you described and found it to be totally different. And again, as I said, there are good people and not so good people. My suggestion for OP was to just search for a community that give love and support.",0.9868,positive,agreeing 3302,depressed,The Worst,speaker,1,"I moved to another city for my fiance and am freelancing. I look through IG, LinkedIn and feel terrible about myself. I have been having trouble finding a job, I get the interview and then get rejected. I g through all of my mistakes where I should have found another job. I started in the crappy economy. I burned through my savings. I am at a low point in my life. On one hand, I know that my worth isn't tied to my job on the other, I want to be successful. I am thinking about all of the wrongs people have done to me. Basically in a depressive spiral. I mean I just want to retire and get social security and live in a tiny house in the woods and never talk to another human being again.",-0.765,negative,ashamed 3302,depressed,The Worst,listener_1,2,"that really sucks. nobody tells you that it takes about 6 months to a year to really adjust in a new town and that it is really hard. you need to do something. anything. either go to a doctor and try to ger help or try to get out of it by yourself. how? go out for a walk in your new town, find new restaurants, bookstores, thriftstores, parks or even forests. go sightseeing. Just do something. Anything to get out of this mindset. I also advise you to listen to byron katie and ‘the work’. It will help you question your destructive thoughts. You don’t have it so bad my friend, if only you could see it.",-0.6266,negative,questioning 3302,depressed,The Worst,listener_2,3,True start doing something small then go do bigger things then you will start gaining some confidence and that is what you need and want when goin for a job interview. I am 19 and I have gone to only 1 job interview wanna know how ? The person who I talked to was Front Office Manager yes I work at a hotel xD and she asked me how I see myself in 10 years and I told her either I am goin to be in your place or higher. So she declined me xD then there went by a week and she asked would I still like to get the job so I said yes. XD I am renting apartment and I live with my gf who doesnt work I am doing everything in my power. The point is do what you do best and never give start small get bigger xD do it mate.,0.9895,positive,confident 3303,depressed,I think I'll die tonight,speaker,1,Please anyone message,0.3182,positive,suggesting 3303,depressed,I think I'll die tonight,listener_1,2,Don’t.,0.0,neutral,questioning 3303,depressed,I think I'll die tonight,listener_2,3,Call the suicidal hotline or go to a hospital before anything.,-0.6705,negative,apprehensive 3303,depressed,I think I'll die tonight,listener_3,4,Are you ok?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_4,1,My dad is an abusive asshole who constantly puts me down The few friends i have are distant My gf is in another state and seems sick of my shit in our chats and is really all i have to live for. And I've been holding my emotions for 9 days straight. I need someone to rant to.,-0.8591,negative,lonely 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_5,2,Check your dms,0.0,neutral,prepared 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_4,3,Well when I'm old enough to leave I'm bringing my gf down here and living w/ her,0.2263,positive,caring 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_6,4,"Ok, it's a good plan. Just in case I would recommend having a backup plan.",0.6597,positive,acknowledging 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_4,5,"Depends on the scenario you mean, backup plan if what?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3303,depressed,I hate my life,listener_6,6,"If you or your GF would like somewhere else and also since people often gets depressive living I. The same place while others do feel that while moving so it's just an example, a backup if anything since I'm used to plan one thing and end doing another for a change of plans since everyone else has other plans sometimes and life happens and you have to adapt.",-0.0258,neutral,agreeing 3304,depressed,Smh I’m so bored and lonely and idek what to do anymore,speaker,1,I fell asleep at like 5 after a day of not doing anything but staying at home and woke up at 1am I feel so bored and worthless idk what to do I have nobody to talk to I’m just up all night. I have no friends and I have nothing to do idk anymore I’m tired of this shit,-0.9654,negative,lonely 3305,depressed,Lost and afraid,speaker,1,Everything feels meaningless. Nothing good ever happens anymore. It’s always one thing after another. I’m letting my insecurities and anxiety ruin everything. I’ve lost all my friends. I am tired of being told to smile at least 20 times a day. Like if I had something to smile about I would... I am just afraid I’ll never get out of this.,-0.8023,negative,sad 3305,depressed,Lost and afraid,listener_1,2,It sounds kinda funny because I need to work in a job where I have to smile 10hours even though I am deppresed I can do it lol. If anyone tells you to smile tell them that you wanna be yourself not someone you are not. You have to stay true to yourself to be true to everyone else.,0.9326,positive,confident 3305,depressed,Lost and afraid,speaker,3,"I’ve tried a lot of different things to try and change the way I think, hopefully to create a more positive environment. I do good and usually stay determined to my plan for a couple of days but it never lasts long. I just get back in my funk and that usually brings me down more.",0.7577,positive,disappointed 3306,depressed,i don’t know what to do,speaker,1,"i don’t know whether to end it or get hospitalized. next week marks a year since my grandpa died. ever since then life went even more downhill. my ex broke up with me months later and ignored and lied to me. he got with his “best friend” like a week after we broke up. it still hurts me to this day. it’s been 5 months since then. i have no friends. there’s not one person that checks up on me. or ask me to hangout. i’m failing school miserably and got truancy. i have a class with him and it makes school so much harder having to see them together. i also have this stupid fear of wetting myself in public and it stops me from going to school the most i went to doc and everything is good down there but it holds me back from everything even scared to get hospitalized bc of it. i know all this sounds like bs and not significant but i’m tired of everything. i think it’s my time. not today but probably next month. also my cons about hospital is my fear, getting even more behind in school, and it simply not helping anything. i’ve been b4 and didn’t help. i go to therapy and take meds nothing helps. i also can’t make it a day at school without drinking or being on xans. that and cutting is how i’ve been coping",-0.9793,negative,devastated 3306,depressed,i don’t know what to do,listener_1,2,"I would seriously recommend being hospitalized or getting some extra help. It sounds like a very hard time in life for you, and I can get the feeling of falling behind and having the break up and the deaths and all of that. I’ve went though a similar situation recently. Going to your therapist and using your medication as directed is really good. But if you aren’t honest and don’t actually get help from your therapist or others, then they won’t know you feel this way. So my best advice is to be honest and get the help you deserve. Your mental health and safety is the most important thing. I would really like to be a person that checks up on you and is there for you, maybe we can get to know each other and talk if you’d like.",0.9913,positive,trusting 3306,depressed,i don’t know what to do,speaker,3,i would like that. thank you,0.6124,positive,acknowledging 3307,depressed,I got used and now I’m going to kill myself,speaker,1,"This was my first valentines with a girl, we slept together after we had been talking for a couple of weeks. This was my first time pursuing a girl and reaching out/putting in the effort to try and make my self happy after so many years of thinking I am worthless. We slept together and I thought my life had turned around finally and I could be with someone, she never texted me back after that night, every time I text her she does not want to see me. I told my self my whole life that my first time will be with someone who I care about, I feel used and I can’t get my head out of this dark place of regret and sadness. I have always been alone in my life mentally and I thought that I was about to gain some kind of mental help threw another person that cared about me. I was wrong and no longer think I can ever find this and might as well end my life now because there is no reason to keep living on this world. I no longer see anyway I can be happy or even content with life. I can’t sleep and every moment since this event has felt empty and I think anything is better than this feeling inside me, even death.",0.3773,positive,trusting 3307,depressed,I got used and now I’m going to kill myself,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3307,depressed,I got used and now I’m going to kill myself,listener_2,3,At least you can't sleep because of something like that. While I cannot sleep because I am worried about my grandmother who I've seen about 12 times in my life and she is the only one who has supported me through life. So if I lose her I am gone.,-0.0935,negative,afraid 3307,depressed,I got used and now I’m going to kill myself,listener_2,4,You can pull through anything mate you can get ur life together even if hell comes after you you can do it because it is your life.,-0.6808,negative,neutral 3308,depressed,I’m a piece of shit,speaker,1,"Even here when I say my story and how sad I am I can only do it for so long before I call my self a pussy on the inside and take it down because I know my problems and not nearly as bad as other people’s but they just keep adding up and I don’t think I can live with myself anymore. I am a mentally unstable shit that is better off dead and I wish I was just never born In the first place, it would have save a lot of people’s time and sanity. And would have been a blessing for anyone who has ever met me to not have met me. I am the lowest scum on earth because I am a worthless person.",-0.8087,negative,ashamed 3308,depressed,I’m a piece of shit,listener_1,2,"Why do you feel worthless? What is it about you that you think makes you scum? I dont know you so I cant judge. All i see (read) is someone who hurts like i do. I dont know the exact pain you feel but ove said the things you're saying to myself. Your problems are valid even if you dont think they are. Just because they are different than other peoples issues doesnt mean they dont matter. They matter to you. I'm sorry for just randomly commenting on here. I'm at a very very low point myself right now and I came here to remind myself I'm not the only one feeling like they wish they never existed. It's kind of comforting, it doesn't take the pain away by any means. But it's nice to not feel super alone. Someone somewhere feels the same as I do they just have different problems. Sorry this probably didnt help much.",-0.5531,negative,sympathizing 3308,depressed,I’m a piece of shit,speaker,3,It did... thx,0.3612,positive,neutral 3308,depressed,I’m a piece of shit,listener_1,4,You're welcome,0.4588,positive,content 3309,depressed,I fucked things up. WHAT DO I DOO?,speaker,1," Okay so, I’m 15 and addicted to fucking pills and I think because of that I lost the love of my fucking life, okay lemme explain. On Wednesday i was at school and I went overboard, I always take one in the morning but I just didn’t want to feel anything, I overthink a lot so whenever the smallest thing would go wrong between us I would start overthinking and fall in this deep void where I need a pill to get me out, and tbh I thought xanax could help me just fall out of love, boy was I fucking wrong. First period(I was on one xan) I barely felt shit and I waited until second period and still didn’t feel shit, that’s when I went fucking ham and popped another xan, the went to the lobby and popped another xan. I don’t remember much but from what a friend of mine told me I fell like 8 times face flat onto the floor, and the girl that I love started asking why I took so many pills(she was fucking worried about me) and my dumbass told her to go fuck herself and took another xan then looked at her(mocking her) and took another one (5 now) at this point a friend of mine took my pills away or otherwise I would’ve been dead by now and to be honest that’s how I’d rather be if I’m not with her. She then texts me saying how things are gonna change between us(she was on her period so even worse) and I don’t even remember what I said, but I tried apologizing the day after(on Tuesday) but she told me that she still felt the same that she cares and appreciates me but not in that way anymore, I apologized yesterday too telling her that I was the one that fucked things up, I was the one that confused things again and that I was the one that acted like a fucking retard on Wednesday, she replied “Yeah it’s alright” “I love you fucking idiot” and tbh I couldn’t be more confused right now, I’m going to give her space because after all we’ve been through and all she’s said to me, I just can’t accept that she just changes with me again. On Tuesday when I see her I’m going to just stay away, I’m not gonna be a fucking dick and look at her the wrong way but I’m not gonna wait for her outside of the classroom like always(yes we’re in the same classes and that makes it worse) I’m posting this on here because I need advice, WHAT DO I FUCKING DOOO??If the vibe it’s all wrong next week and she actually doesn’t give a fuck about me, I’ll just off myself, not that she’ll miss me anyway.",-0.9769,negative,ashamed 3309,depressed,I fucked things up. WHAT DO I DOO?,listener_1,2,"Your biggest problem right now should be the fact that you are 15 and already addicted to pills. This can affect your entire life ,not only your relationship with this girl. If you say you love her and if you what to make things right you should stop taking pills. Seek for help from a specialist or talk to your family. Let the people in your life know you want to improve yourself and get rid of this addiction. The girl might actually what to help you and she would anyway admire you for trying. Solving this problem now can save your life.",0.9257,positive,faithful 3309,depressed,I fucked things up. WHAT DO I DOO?,speaker,3,"I am gonna stop taking pills, I promised her and I promised myself, I want to be better for her.",0.7184,positive,faithful 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,1,"I really don’t know what to do I wasn’t going to write this down But I decided for some reason I feel so hopeless, I don’t know what else I can do to fix it I tried 3 years of therapy, talked with people but it doesn’t change I’m doing things I like, but now all of it doesn’t make any difference at all I tried to change my habits as well But also didn’t change at all I’ve been feeling like this for years But nothing seems to work.... what should I do to fix it? Is it even possible? I don’t feel anything at all Any feelings for anyone I just feel nothing",0.6073,positive,devastated 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,listener_1,2,"I don't know your age, but I can assure you that you are not alone in this. Maybe try travelling. Travelling on your own can help you find new perspective on life. It builds confidence and you meet a lot of people. If you have the possibility I would greatly recommend it. If not, then try to keep on keepin' on man. I hope you find a new passion in your life.",0.977,positive,faithful 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,3,"Hello, I thought no one was going to answer me And I’m 22 m8, currently working and saving money so this seems really good idea to travel. I will try but not sure if I will have powers to actually travel Anyway thank you for answering and hope you feeling good",0.8946,positive,acknowledging 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,listener_1,4,"Like I said, you are not alone. I was going through some really rough times 10 years ago. And decided to just get away. And I found out that travelling is easy. The hardest part is getting away from home. But once your gone it is easy. And coming home afterwards with new insights gives you purpose.",0.7858,positive,trusting 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,5,"It makes me feel better when Knowing I’m not alone in this I will do my best to get away , imma plan some travel after I check with doctors and all stuffs",0.8334,positive,hopeful 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,6,"I actually tried 4 therapists, one for 1 year and others some months each of them I went to therapist 3 times a week Sadly nothing changed and I quit few months ago Now trying to figure out what’s going on that I can’t fix anything And thanks for your advice I will definitely check my health ASAP",0.4215,positive,agreeing 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,listener_2,7,"Good luck. Mental health results aren’t a science yet, but more like a roulette wheel.",0.7677,positive,wishing 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,8,Thanks m8 I wish it was and I could fix it in a easy way But sadly it’s not Anyway I hope I will get away from all of it and I will get wayy better So thanks,0.8226,positive,consoling 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,9,Yes I did used medication for 1 year and 9 months It helped but for short period of time After all I was just being ok for some hours then back to as before I’m planning my trips in some days as well,0.743,positive,neutral 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,listener_3,10,"Medication won't fix you. What it does it help you get to a state where you can actually function enough to do the work to get you out of depression. That's where therapy comes in. If you are too depressed to respond to therapy, medication will bring you to a state of functioning. But they aren't happy pills. Antidepressants won't cure you of depression. They make it so you can start work to cure it yourself.",-0.9135,negative,sad 3310,depressed,I don’t know what to do,speaker,11,"Yes, but now I don’t want take more medicine, go again in therapist and do all over again for maybe more 1-2 years(I don’t even know tho) I felt quite disappointed since all this years of therapy and medicine didn’t worked well I will try to do something else such as traveling or finding something that I would like to do Thanks m8",0.8611,positive,suggesting 3311,depressed,I lost my chance,speaker,1,I feel like I lost my only chance of ever being happy the opportunity was right there and then as always it didn’t work out I don’t deserve happiness,0.9062,positive,devastated 3311,depressed,I lost my chance,listener_1,2,What happened? I’m here to chat and listen if you’d like. Just HMU.,0.3612,positive,questioning 3311,depressed,I lost my chance,speaker,3,Sorry,-0.0772,negative,sympathizing 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,speaker,1,"I don’t know what happened but this week I’ve been feeling so depressed. I haven’t had the will to go to the gym so of course I feel ugly and out of shape. I don’t really have any friends or anyone to talk to. I haven’t sleep well this week because of these awful dreams that I have and my terrible acid reflux. I’m ugly crying in the corner of my studio apartment right now, wishing I wasn’t here.",-0.9452,negative,lonely 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_1,2,"Hey don't be so hard on yourself now, Write down your goals man. Something you can do without a gym is Sit-ups, push-ups, and a decent 5k Run time. I think you got a lot of potential; Why do you feel so much self-loathing?",-0.2183,negative,proud 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,speaker,3,I honestly don’t know. Just always feel like I’m disappointing myself and those around me.,0.3182,positive,guilty 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_2,4,"Make small goals for yourself, attainable ones, and celebrate each one. First goal of the day, get up and get ready. Second goal eat a healthy breakfast.... Break it down into manageable chunks and remember that we all do this. Some consciously, some by habit.",0.836,positive,proud 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_1,5,"Well honestly brother/sister, a vast majority of people are feeling the same way you do. Like tomorrow if you roll up on a stranger, Compliment their dress or shoes, or hair. You'll literally make their day 10 times better. Trust me, we are in a super shitty world. I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel bad, Just know we are all suffering. Help yourself and help others!! Make it less shitty for others.",0.9149,positive,caring 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,speaker,6,"I feel that I already do that, that’s my problem. I wake up, shower, get dressed, and go to work (I’m a teacher) 8-530 each day. I come home and plan to go to the gym after dinner. I don’t like going at 530, it’s too busy. So I eat some crap food and then I’m too tired to even move and I get depressed and beat myself up. I love making lists but it’s following through and taking care of myself. I work 7 days a week, I have a part time job. I am constantly overthinking what I say to people or what they think of me or what I could be doing better. The previous comment mentioned doing something good. I also do SO MUCH for everyone else. I’ve suffered depressed and anxiety for so long now but I can’t bring myself to go to the doctor. I have severe acid reflux and I don’t take my pills. I was abused by an older sibling when I was younger for years and I can’t tell my parents and it eats at me everyday. My family is very harsh towards me, despite me (24F) being independent, 2 hours from them, and making a life for myself. I feel like I’m doing these things on purpose in an effort to kill myself and since I feel like dying I won’t do anything about it. Thank you for taking the time to respond. Twice a month I get really really down.",-0.903,negative,guilty 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_3,7,"Go to the gym directly from work. Doesn't matter if it's busy. It's better than not going. There are plenty of non weighted exercises you can do while you wait for something like sit ups or body weight squats. It's once you get home to get the motivation to go back out again. Or find a work out buddy that you will plan to meet at a specific time to hold yourself accountable. But for me the only option was going directly from work or paying a trainer so I show up. The timer from the other person is a good idea. I make lists, even for stupid stuff, because crossing things off feels like I accomplished something.",0.8662,positive,faithful 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_2,8,"Lists are great. I do that too. I work better with breaks and timers. Say I need to do something I don’t want to, I set a timer for 10 min of doing something completely unproductive. Then I try to do the thing I need, but I set a timer for it too. 10-15 minutes for break, then 10-15 of work. If I feel good, I’ll add another 15 min to the work. I really need to walk in the evenings. So I come home and set a timer for 30 min to do whatever for myself. Then I get ready to go for the walk. If I can’t feel up to it, then I set the timer for 10 minutes, and then at least go to the end of the block. By then I set another distance goal. And then I walk back. If I can do more, I go past the house and go to the other end of the block, and come back. Then when I’m back in the house, I find another thing I need to do and start that again.",0.4678,positive,prepared 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,speaker,9,I will try that. Thank you!,0.4199,positive,wishing 3312,depressed,I feel awful right now,listener_2,10,I will swear by breaks for unpleasant tasks. It’s the only way I can clean!!,-0.2924,negative,faithful 3313,depressed,let's keep going,speaker,1,"I feel like I've completely fucked up my life...I want to freeze time and just stop everything. What's the point of anything if I constantly feel like shit and can't do anything about my past decisions. I hate myself and I feel tired of everything. Fuck. But I'll keep trying cause I'm sure someday in the future, I'll feel a bit better. And I hope you do too. Let's get stronger together. This is our life.",0.7582,positive,hopeful 3313,depressed,let's keep going,listener_1,2,"I totally get where you’re coming from. But just think about the fact that if you feel so low and down rn, don’t you think it can only improve the harder you try to stay positive and work on it? We should definitely grow together and stay positive, everyone should. If you’d like to chat more just HMU, maybe I can help change your views on some things and help you stay positive.",0.9846,positive,suggesting 3313,depressed,let's keep going,speaker,3,Feel free to chat if you ever need someone too :),0.743,positive,questioning 3313,depressed,let's keep going,speaker,4,Yup I agree. Thanks,0.6597,positive,agreeing 3313,depressed,let's keep going,speaker,5,incremental improvements might help - stay strong,0.8074,positive,encouraging 3314,depressed,more pain in my life,speaker,1,"if you have seen my last post, you will know the painful abuse my mother has put me through. My father has joined in saying I'm ugly repeatedly and if I'm ugly I won't have friends. He compared me to my cousins because they ""dress better than me"", Does that really matter? I'm always self conscious and I see myself as fat and ugly faced pig. I feel like this life given to me by this couple of shit is worthless. Everyday I will always have the desire to die even more as I suffer. Even if I'm better off than most people, I know verbally that it is still a form of abuse. They bring me down with their words stinging my soul until I do what they say. Society is judgmental my dad says and that everyone talks behind my back. That indicates that no one wants to be my friend and if they do, they'd be betrayers. I just want to say, I give up. I think I'm done with the human world. As my dad says ""if you are ugly no one would want you to work for them"". Give me a reason not to leave myself behind and just shut myself from the world that pains me more every time I encounter it.",-0.9862,negative,angry 3314,depressed,more pain in my life,listener_1,2,thats just his opinion which may not be true and I wouldnt listen to it maybe hes the ugly fat one with no friends,-0.8012,negative,suggesting 3314,depressed,more pain in my life,listener_2,3,Good :P stay strong to yourself.,0.8374,positive,wishing 3315,depressed,Sadness,speaker,1,"My brother committed suicide on April 6, 2019. It’s almost the 1 year of his passing. The closer it gets, I honestly just get sadder and sadder. I’m not suicidal though, so don’t take this the wrong way. My parents really don’t understand how depression works because of the way they were raised and I don’t talk to my siblings about this because of personal reasons, so I’m going to random strangers for advice. Any help? You can read some of my post on my profile if you need a background story check, I write a lot on here to talk about my feelings.",-0.8276,negative,sad 3315,depressed,Sadness,listener_1,2,"Not sure if this will help. But If could I would say this to my younger self a decade ago. I think everyone carries some form of sadness bottled up. The sorrow/pain you are experiencing right now is universal but more unique to you at the same time. Condolences will not help. Over time, this feeling will transfer into anger, guilt ( in my case.. for not spending enough time), or a combination of other things. But in the end, it will become a 'memory.' Even after many years, you could still feel the same ache you are experiencing now, but then you will have more good memories by your side. Life will be busy doing things for you or against. The truth right now... you have to find a way to carry yourself and get through this, for your own sake and everyone around you love. Read, pick a hobby, finish things, and slowly become good at something (you could wander, but don't go too far off). You will change.. but change to a better one. Things do get better.",0.8767,positive,sad 3315,depressed,Sadness,listener_2,3,"One other thing I think that is neccesary before going through this, Remember all the bad and all the good you 2 did together. Get angry get sad get depressed do what you must but BE true to yourself don't overthink it because that is a thing you will want to do. In future you will remember fragments from those times by doing this you can get yourself in order to not fall apart at a crucial time you might be needed for your other siblings or family members. Two kinds of family never forget one where we are born into and the other will be the one we make for ourselves. Stay strong mate :P never give up hope or reason to live stick to your ideas.",0.7535,positive,sentimental 3316,depressed,Damn,speaker,1,"I've had this realisation for a while now. I kinda like being depressed. I mean in the end it's there. Whenever I am happy shit always goes south and I end up here. It's a constant that I know will always be there for me when everything else isn't. I don't know if this makes sense, I mean hell it doesn't even make sense to me. But basically yeah, kinda whack but anyone else feel the same?",-0.0937,negative,lonely 3316,depressed,Damn,listener_1,2,"I feel this in my soul, I wish it wasn’t like this, but I’m strangely happy I’m not the only one that feels this.",0.705,positive,lonely 3316,depressed,Damn,speaker,3,I mean I do go out I have a great time with friends but in the end I end up here. I mean it's whack. Idk how really to describe it. Absolutely no one knows other than those quick suicidal jokes we all mess around with. Kinda wish someone close would check in on me and care but sadly no one does. And thank you I appreciate the reply! Have a good one man,0.5593,positive,lonely 3316,depressed,advice,listener_2,1,"hi guys, i suspect my friend has depression, but she doesnt want to talk about it and she doesnt want to see the school counseller, what should i do?? :(",-0.7735,negative,questioning 3316,depressed,advice,listener_3,2,"Don't ask or say anything directly. Spend sometime with her, talk about anything, what are her likes-dislikes. What she enjoys. Go to places make her feel secure-safe. Talk with her about anything. It will build a connection and when she feels safe she will talk about what happening, what are the problems and same time you spending time with her will help her. This might work...not sure though...",0.8176,positive,questioning 3316,depressed,advice,listener_4,3,Your method is smooth ye . But what I am doing to friends I think are going through tough times I make them talk by getting angry at me and then provoke them more and more so they break. After that they tell me all I need to know and I hug them and tell them don't worry I am here for you anything you need just ask I will do everything in my power never lie to me again I can and will listen if you need me to. All I ask from you is that you don't leave me. That is how I do it might seem harsh but it feels a lot more better than dragging the time when your friend might do something stupid. That is how I feel.,0.4625,positive,faithful 3316,depressed,advice,listener_5,4,"I'm about to write my own advice but damn, your advice says it all.",-0.5499,negative,neutral 3316,depressed,advice,listener_3,5,Well this is what I want someone to do for me....but no one cares...glad to help other though,0.4404,positive,neutral 3316,depressed,advice,listener_3,6,Your method is also good just have patience and when she gets angry keep yourself otherwise it's gonna just blow apart. You are really great doing this much. It will take time. Don't give up.,0.6115,positive,neutral 3316,depressed,advice,listener_4,7,Also true but the determination of the method should be decided by the friend because we know our friends the best. I use a lot of methoods it's just that this one usually works the best for my friends. Every person has a different kind of thinking so He should be the one who decides on what to do next.,0.9857,positive,neutral 3317,depressed,is life worth living?,speaker,1,I feel like i’m so down. I don’t find joy anymore. At this point i don’t think anyone would care if i was gone. I sincerely think it wouldn’t affect anyone if i stop showing up.,0.8859999999999999,positive,sad 3317,depressed,is life worth living?,listener_1,2,"Sometimes I do ask the same question to myself is really my life worth living, i Haven been happy for a long time, everyday is a struggle which I never asked for and can wait to end it. Sometimes I just want to end it thinking it's never gonna change, it will be like this forever, I am destined to be unhappy alone. But sometimes I think may be something good will happen and I will be happy one day and after looking back I will feel all the pain was worth it. Don't know the future though... I just hope all the suffering will be for something.",0.8064,positive,lonely 3317,depressed,is life worth living?,listener_2,3,Well that is what us humans want to think that it will be okay sometime in future. Your answer is perfect. Just that one thing is never miss any chance that life gives you to do something nice or good in life it might just be that push you need in life. Little by little gaining confidence in life you will get better at anything you do. Try not to forget your true self in the midst of lifes hardships. Stay strong ya'll.,0.9784,positive,faithful 3317,depressed,is life worth living?,listener_3,4,So no,-0.3597,negative,neutral 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,speaker,1,"Hey all, this might be a long post so I'll just give you some background about myself. I'm a 22 year old male living in a big city in the Midwest. I grew up in this city and I've lived here for most of my life. My dad is a high level executive at some international corporation and my mom has essentially been a full time caretaker for my severely autistic brother, who just turned 32. My sister is 31 and she still lives nearby with her long-time boyfriend. My therapist explained that I have an avoidant attachment style as a result of growing up in this environment. I always felt that parents were never really emotionally there for me, as my dad was usually out of town or busy at home working, and my mom was typically taking care of my brother. I was mostly left to my own devices, and I tried to stay out of my brother's way most of the time, as he has a tendency to break things and get aggressive. This was especially the case when I was younger and much smaller than him. He was mostly calm around my parents, but I remember having to physically fight him off of me more than a few times. My parents would side with him in every conflict we had. I still feel that my parents enable his behavior and consider him their top priority, which I resent. I resent the fact that my family could never do anything as a *family*, because of my brother, among other things. By the time I was 8 or 9, I was helping my mom take care of my brother. He has always disliked me (which he makes clear using the limited vocabulary he has), so my parents tend to ask me for less help nowadays. My sister always had a good relationship with him, though. I've always felt like I had a need to be successful in order to make up for my brother's shortcomings. Also, I'm dreading the day that my parents will be unable to care for him, because there is no way I can. As a result of all of this, I don't really feel very close to my immediate or extended family. I understand they tried their best, and we are all very cordial to each other, I just don't have that same connection with my family as I see many of my peers have. When I was in 5th or 6th grade, I got diagnosed with ADHD and was given Concerta over the next few years which really fucked me up. I became severely underweight and was in a zombie-like, antisocial trance for much of the time. I pretty much only played guitar and video games during this time and wasn't very social. Eventually, I got off of the meds and skated through the rest of middle and high school. However, I believe that the experience made me distrust authority and really made me more protective of my feelings and emotions. Despite this, I still managed to make friends that I still consider friends to this day. These friends are my main social support network. I went off to college at 18 thanks to my native tribe's financial support. When I was there, I found myself quickly making friends, however I still was seeing the school psych due to the stress I was under. At the end of freshman year, one of my newly found friends suddenly passed away as a result of a opportunistic infection. This led to my current health anxiety and hypochondria (which is lessened now, but the anxiety was so bad I went to the ER at one point). I was also injured during a break-in attempt and was almost stabbed during a separate break-in attempt. During this time, I was smoking a ton of weed to numb the pain. My grades went downhill and by the end of my 3rd year, I dropped out and moved back home. I took a semester off, changed majors, and reenrolled in school the next spring. Currently, I'm only a few classes away from graduating at the school I commute to. I like the school much better and I am objectively doing well in the program. I am doing Communications right now, which I don't love, but I am too close to a degree to change it. I'm living with my uncle rent free a few blocks away from my parents, which has improved my relationship with them. I've also been going to therapy for the past 6 months or so. I really relate to my therapist, and trust him with a lot of information, but I don't really feel different after talking to him for this amount of time. I'm more aware of why I am the way I am, but I don't know what to do next. Currently, I feel my mental state is worsening again. I'm completely unsure of what to do after graduation and the last of my Native American side (besides my mom and her brothers) of the family are dying. The prospect of becoming a careerist workaholic like my dad scares me. The idea that if I have kids, one of them will be like my brother scares me. The feeling that my parents are getting older and probably expect me to help take care of my brother after they pass scares me to death. The number of times I start a relationship and end it when things start to get serious depresses me. I'm terrified of intimacy, yet terrified of dying alone. I feel like I am doomed to be lonely by some higher power, and I feel like I am not worthy of love. It's just so exhausting, especially knowing that from a 3rd person perspective, my life is going well for me compared to 2-3 years ago. I still have my hobbies and my friends, but at times it feels as though those are all distractions from the reality of my situation. I still feel like a teenager because I am financially dependent on my parents right now, and I feel like my teenage angst towards society never went away and only amplified as I've gotten older. What I'm looking for is advice. Should I continue therapy if I'm not seeing results? I feel like my therapist now knows me fairly well, but every time I go I am just reminded of how dysfunctional I am and I feel like I feel worse each time I visit. He's been nothing but supportive, but honestly, I can't find the motivation to improve myself. The motivation is hard to find when I don't see moving into adult life as everything people crack it out to be. I feel like I am just going to be swallowed by the rat race regardless, which makes me feel hopeless. I really don't want to go the medication route again. I've tried a few and none of the side effects were worth the benefits. Thanks for reading my ramblings.",0.9748,positive,trusting 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry, but I can't read this. Could you format it a little bit?",-0.0387,neutral,sympathizing 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,speaker,3,Is it better now?,0.4404,positive,questioning 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,listener_1,4,Much!!,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,listener_1,5,"I've been thru major depressive phases, and it does get better. For me, it did require medication. I can't say that's for you, but it was for me.",0.0009,neutral,neutral 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,speaker,6,"Thanks. I just wouldn't know where to start in terms of improving myself. Every time I attempt to make some change I end up falling back on it out of laziness. I don't really know how to find the motivation to, frankly. The idea of an improved version of myself just seems so intangible to me that it feels pointless to pursue. Maybe that's just my nihilistic side talking but I don't know.",0.6486,positive,disappointed 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,listener_2,7,"You can always consider antidepressants. They won't fix you but they will help bring you to a state where you are functioning better to be able to start helping yourself whether it be through learning new coping techniques, making life changes, changing outlook, adding activities, etc. But you do this in conjunction with therapy and if your therapist is not offering actual help versus just listening, you may still stagnate.",0.8081,positive,suggesting 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,speaker,8,"Just playing my instruments, making music and hiking mostly.",0.2023,positive,content 3318,depressed,Feeling burnt out and therapy doesn't seem to be helping,listener_3,9,Where can I listen your music? I wanna hear 'em!,0.0,neutral,questioning 3319,depressed,I need new friends,speaker,1,But it's hard when you're depressed and don't want to go out.,-0.7494,negative,neutral 3319,depressed,I need new friends,listener_1,2,I can be your online friend! ^^,0.5411,positive,acknowledging 3319,depressed,I need new friends,listener_2,3,Me too:),0.0,neutral,agreeing 3319,depressed,I need new friends,speaker,4,As an introvert it's really hard. I want to change myself 😔,0.044,neutral,lonely 3319,depressed,I need new friends,listener_1,5,*virtual hugs New freinds crying*,0.0258,neutral,caring 3319,depressed,I need new friends,speaker,6,Really? I'm down 😭,-0.4767,negative,sad 3319,depressed,I need new friends,listener_1,7,Sure thing *hug* and nu cry,0.3182,positive,trusting 3319,depressed,I need new friends,speaker,8,LOLL thank you for blessing me and yess lets be friends!,0.8439,positive,wishing 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,speaker,1,"So I have a friend and school who is really sweet, and I am grateful for them, but when I leave school in a few months I won’t actively try to see or talk to them, they’re just who I hang out with at school, and even now, getting messages from them just bores me, as guilty as I feel for saying that. They know about my depression, and they TRY to be there for me, but it always makes me feel worse, like I swear to god they put on a baby voice and go, ‘it’s okay, it’s okay.’ They very much want to ‘take care of me’ rather than just help me out. They send me a long paragraph almost everyday, and as sweet as it is of him to go out of his way for me, it just upsets and irritates me because I don’t NEED his constant validation, and he can never send a paragraph with including a whole section about how he’s going to help me, and I just think, I don’t NEED your help, I don’t want it, I’m fine and I’m fine without you, I don’t need someone to constantly ‘look after’ me, I’m still a fucking human being and I don’t need anyone to constantly be there to make sure I don’t just kill myself, I’m FINE. Is there something wrong with me or what?..",0.8081,positive,lonely 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,speaker,3,"Yeah you’ve got a point there, like I understand he has good intentions but it’s also like please leave me alone loll, it can be very suffocating. I really don’t think he has romantic feelings towards me, he asked me out over a year ago and after a couple months I just wasn’t feeling any sort of attraction and didn’t want to lead him on any further but we’ve been great friends since and I talk to him about boy issues so idk",0.9764,positive,neutral 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,speaker,4,"I think I’m going to, thank you. :)",0.6705,positive,wishing 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,listener_2,5,XD after you worte this I think yea he likes you romanticly. I know that cuz my Best Friend is stupid and does the same things,0.9068,positive,agreeing 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,speaker,6,Well shit 😭😭,-0.8271,negative,angry 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,listener_2,7,Some people just don't know what they want in life so they stay with those they like with time those feelings disappear but some become obsesed so be careful with what you do next.,0.4152,positive,neutral 3320,depressed,‘I don’t need your help’,speaker,8,People can be very creepy sometimes 😂😭 thank you for the advice :),0.6486,positive,acknowledging 3321,depressed,i’m going crazy right now,speaker,1,i’m freaking out my thoughts are racing and i can’t breathe right and i can’t stop crying or shaking and i can’t sit still for more than literally 10 seconds im actually going crazy right now why is every night getting worse and worse i really really need help,-0.921,negative,terrified 3321,depressed,i’m going crazy right now,listener_1,2,"What typically is the first thing you think of when these train of thoughts start rolling? Are you eating, sleeping, exercising enough?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3321,depressed,i’m going crazy right now,speaker,3,No i can’t do any of these things anymore i’m literally so fucked up right now,-0.8323,negative,terrified 3321,depressed,i’m going crazy right now,listener_1,4,What's the deal? What triggers these spirals?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3322,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I dont want to hurt somebody I love",speaker,1,"I dont know, I really dont. It's like all these things going so well for me, but I just cant be happy. My boyfriend is the most amazing person I've ever met. But I dont deserve him. Like, why am I of all people given this life with so much that I dont deserve. I dont deserve to be happy, i dont deserve to be with him. And I'm scared that he'll leave, and I'm scared he'll get hurt. I want to be happy with him, I really do, but I just cant, all I feel is this deep fear that I'll hurt him. I'm a wreck for no reason. I have no reason to be this way, but I know that I dont deserve anything good in my life. I just dont enjoy anything anymore. Its numb and heavy and I dont want anyone else to carry it for me. I dont even know what's wrong with me, I cant even accept my diagnoses. I dont know what to do, any good feeling I have is instantly snuffed away. Should I give up trying to be fine? I dont want to hurt him even more.",-0.9799,negative,jealous 3322,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I dont want to hurt somebody I love",listener_1,2,"It took me five years to start letting some of the people in my life in on my mental health problems. Part of the reason I was able to do that is I have recently started fully coming to terms with the reality of my situation and trying to take steps to manage it as best I can. Last night, I was able to talk to a friend of mine, say the words “I’ve been suicidal since I was 13 years old,” and it felt so good. They listened so well; they didn’t freak out or interrupt or get scared or make me feel judged. They laughed with me, and they gave me hugs when I was ready, and it was just really nice. The people that love you do not agree with your brain, which is telling you you’re worthless and not good enough. It’s true that some will react better than others, and it’s terrifying to take that first step and start talking about it. Still, it sounds like the people in your life *want* to be there for you. They can’t do that if you don’t let them in, at least a little bit, on the things you’re struggling with. Think about what they would choose — would they want you to suffer that much more and keep them in the dark, or would they want you to tell them and allow them to provide the support you need? Even if your brain is telling you they’re better off if you keep it to yourself, it’s very likely they would not agree. They want to be there for you. Every time I’ve been having a very dark period and I’ve talked to someone, it’s like I cracked myself open just enough to let some light in, to get some air in. All of a sudden, just having told someone, just the fact that I’m not alone with it anymore, makes me breathe so much easier, makes me get out of that dark period so much faster. Please please consider talking to the people who love you.",0.9792,positive,ashamed 3322,depressed,"I want to talk about it, but I dont want to hurt somebody I love",speaker,3,"I have tried therapy but I had to cancel my appointment due to some complications. And I've recently moved for school so I havent been able to seek professional support. And yes, my boyfriend knows about my mental state, and he knows he cant fix me. But I just cant talk to him for more than a minute or so about it because I'm scared that what I'll say will hurt him, even though part of me knows it wont.",-0.5927,negative,trusting 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_2,1,"Last night I had my first suicide attempt in years. I took all of my antidepressants I had on hand, immediately started freaking out and ""told"" my mum. She was absolutely seething angry, so was my dad. She took me to the hospital and I got dealt with. Now here I am 8am the next day at a dentist appointment. I don't know what to do from here. I have no one to talk to about this. I just don't know.",-0.8714,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_3,2,One side effect of antidepressant is the fact they make you suicidal. Kick the pills and try to find some good weed.,-0.3818,negative,sad 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_4,3,Unacceptable,-0.4588,negative,disgusted 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_5,4,"Have your doctor find an alternative therapy. I'm glad you told your mom soon enough to get to the hospital. You are a beautiful soul, and deserve to be happy.",0.8909999999999999,positive,grateful 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_2,5,"I've been on antidepressants for 6 years, as well as had electroconvulsive therapy. I also smoke weed every so often but it's definitely not a sustainable way to keep me functioning.",0.6249,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,I fucked up,listener_6,6,Can confirm,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,1,I’m tired of everyone hating me and I don’t get why they do. I haven’t done anything wrong to them. They don’t even want to take the chance to get to know me. They just ignore me or reject me. No one wants to be my friend. No one wants to be my girlfriend. Everyone else has friends and dates but me. No one even wants to give me a chance.,-0.6652,negative,angry 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_8,2,"whoa now, that's not true! Its helpful if you add some things about yourself on here. Why do you feel that way? When did you start feeling like this? Not sure if you'll respond today but generally when I get that way I like to exercise, eat a healthier meal, and then play a video game.",0.7343,positive,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,3,"It is true. I’ve been feeling this way since my senior year of high school. Exercise does nothing, eating healthy does nothing, and playing video games doesn’t stop my depression and lonliness at all.",-0.6652,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,4,"No, I’ll get through college lonely and with no one while everyone else has friends and dates and it’s not fair for me because everyone hates me and doesn’t want to do anything with me.",-0.6324,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_8,5,"I'm sorry to hear that man, It gives me a feeling of fulfillment. Thought I'd suggest it. Do you have a religion, Does charity or volunteering ever help? That helps me when I'm feeling super down.",0.9136,positive,sympathizing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,6,Sounds about right yea. Only a few people notice this because they are the ones zoned out. I mean I will soon post what I did in my middle school and how it was. In college mate xD I gathered a few people in college there was alcohol involved LMAO xD But you can finish college and get a job and get a life you've dreamed of family and friends 0 problemo amigos xD,0.9514,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,7,"No, I can’t get any of those since no one wants me. I can’t gather anyone at college at all. I can’t get the life I’ve dreamed of if no one wants me",-0.5267,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_10,8,"But how old are you? Finishing school alone mostly is just the hardest, after that, people will want you if you stop looking for them.",-0.5927,negative,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,9,XD mate I was in your place xD now I rent apartment and I have friends and my colleges are reasonable with me xD it was even worse for me school brings back so many of bad vibes mate but now I am succeeding and you will too.,0.8585,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,10,I can’t get friends and a gf because no one wants me,0.2263,positive,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,11,I mean it is better to start finding a girl after school because that is much easier and better. But you will push through mate just hope for a better future if you do not believe in your own power.,0.91,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,12,I used to be religious but it hasn’t done anything for me. Volunteering hasn’t made me feel any better either,0.5927,positive,faithful 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,13,"No, it’s much harder after college because every girl is basically taken by then",0.0,neutral,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,14,XD in which kind of country do you live to say that xD the women population is much higher in the world than men xD and I know it is easy to find a girl after college xD cuz I am after college xD,0.9739,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,15,I live in the US,0.0,neutral,content 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,16,Then it's easy no problemo amigos xD get out there and make urself open,0.6705,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,17,No it’s not easy at all. Otherwise I would have friends and a girlfriend already,-0.1295,negative,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,18,Some ppl like me and you get em later on in life,0.3612,positive,jealous 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,19,No one likes me,-0.5472,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,20,In time you will notice that is not true the more you think about it yourself the smarter and independent you shall become.,0.17,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,21,Why is that,0.0,neutral,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,22,Because at the moment you are a neglecting a lot of things there will coma a time when you will realise that after that you will start learning a lot better,0.0516,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,23,I have no reason for people to be envious of me,-0.5106,negative,jealous 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_11,24,"Also, look at all the replies you are getting to this post. Not everyone hates you!!! Total strangers care about you! Not everyone is gonna turn you away without giving you a chance. You are surrounded by assholes in real life...it happens...don't let them kill your spirits!!!",0.7878,positive,trusting 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,25,I’m not neglecting things. People are neglecting me,-0.1134,negative,ashamed 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_9,26,You will realise it that is all I am telling you ;P stay strong mate.,0.5106,positive,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,27,I am taking meds and they aren’t working. Therapy has never been any help. I’ve gone through 4 therapists and none of them have worked.,-0.3089,negative,disappointed 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,28,I am 21. No one wants me at all. They just leave and reject and ignore me,-0.765,negative,lonely 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_10,29,"You have time, ahead from you is way to much to enjoy. Ok, I agree, having someone to share it with is nice, but love you first, you have to make yourself happy so you can go and make another person happy. I think someone thinks about you but you won't know it if you believe else. Let yourself see the world through other's eyes asking what makes them happy. No joy comes feeling entitled to ask for others to love you if you can't love you first.",0.9813,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,30,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,31,I have no time because of my suicidal thoughts. I cant love myself with these problems I have.,-0.9147,negative,ashamed 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_10,32,"I was like that. First you do recognize it, you know what the problem is, and honestly, the most effective way to fight it is by yourself. Only I know the level of depression I have, only I know how it affects me. And plus, I tend to be agressive if I let myself loose. I have to contain suicidal and aggressive thoughts which only I know how. You are an amazing person just to be alive. Start from that point and grow your mind and then, when you least expect it, you'll find love.",0.4754,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,33,I can’t find it at all,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,34,I’m not sure what you mean,-0.2411,negative,neutral 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_12,35,"There are only three persons that really hate you. And It's stupid. On Reddit, people are more friendly (usually), and if not, here r/wholesomememes",-0.5994,negative,annoyed 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,36,I don’t see how r/wholesomememes is supposed to help,0.4019,positive,sad 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_12,37,To remind you how a beautiful person you are. There also r/confession to confess,0.5994,positive,faithful 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,38,Confess what? I’m not a beautiful person at all,-0.4847,negative,ashamed 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_12,39,Are you an adult or a teen ?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,40,I’m 21,0.0,neutral,hopeful 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,41,"I’m not sure what you mean by mutilation. Yes, I have suicidal thoughts. They get worse every day",-0.7822,negative,apprehensive 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_12,42,Have you ever tried to call a suicide hotline ?,-0.6705,negative,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,43,Yes and they don’t help at all. All they ever do is tell me to see a therapist.,0.6597,positive,agreeing 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_12,44,"I see. I can already tell you're not trying to hide your pain or refusing any help. Anyway, have you tried what they recomended you or you were sure it would do nothing ?",-0.1235,negative,questioning 3322,depressed,Everyone hates me,listener_7,45,Both. I’ve tried therapy and medications but none of them help,-0.438,negative,sad 3322,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_13,1,"I don't know what to do anymore I really don't. I'm 20 in my second but technically first year of university. I dropped a Japanese course to ironically move onto a Counselling course and I can't do it. I thought the Japanese course was the problem but I can't hack university itself. From May 2019-December 2019 I lived with my abusive now ex-boyfriend. He was horrible, he had his own mental issues that he could fix with his medication but refused to take them. I was struggling trying to get through uni and work to help pay the bills and rent, along with giving up my student loan to him. I was in a city 2 hours away from family and he attacked me. I went home for two days, the uni gave me accommodation and I begun the newest part of my life there thinking I'd escaped and I could finally be free and work on myself. It didn't happen, I fell further and further with no support and no care. Finally I cracked, I've asked to suspend my studies for a year and move back with my family for that year to focus on getting better. I came home for the weekend because everything was getting too much and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made. I've been struggling with severe depression since I was 13. My parents pretend to care but they don't and I know they don't because I have been so open and honest, I've begged and pleaded with them to do the simplest things to help me not feel worse and they won't even attempt that. Simple things like not instantly jumping to shouting and yelling at me to asking my dad to please stop telling me that hunger is 'just a mindset' and that I don't need to eat, or even, to just tell me he actually loves me. I've fucking BEGGED my younger sister to stop attacking me the way she does but she won't. Not physically but verbally. She's 14 and because of that whenever she says something that hurts me and I look to my mum for help she tells me that I'm older and she's just a child. Except, when I was 14 and I said anything in anger to my sister I wasn't just a child, I knew what I was saying. So why does my sister get away with it? Why can she say 'I wish you didn't come home' and 'why don't you just kill yourself' to me, but I can't tell her to stop being so horrible to me. Today I snapped back at my sister and my mum yelled at me once again that I'm older and she's the mother so she'll deal with it. I had enough, I was crying, at the absolute end of my tether (they know this, my mum and my sister both know I'm struggling so fucking bad right now) I shouted at my mum, I told her clearly she going to do anything about it because it isn't stopping. She yelled back, told me I'm not allowed to speak. She won't do anything though, she won't speak to my sister and I know for a fact I'm not doing anything to my sister for her to act this way because I was at university, 2 hours away, when my sister called me with the intent just to make me upset about something she knew I cared about. I just don't understand. How am I supposed to come home to my family to get better if I can't even be here for a weekend without them pushing me further down? I can't do it, I really really can't do it. I can't cope with Uni and I'm clearly not welcome here at home. There's really no other options for me except suicide and I'm really really really at that point right now. I can't do this anymore.",-0.9917,negative,devastated 3322,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_14,2,"I absolutely know the feeling of not being welcomed at home. I’ve reached the point where I’m perpetually exhausted at work, but I also dread holidays.",-0.3152,negative,agreeing 3322,depressed,I don't know what to do,listener_13,3,"It's hard, I just don't understand, family are supposed to be the one group of people to care and love unconditionally",0.7906,positive,sentimental 3323,depressed,Psychedelics helps in depression,speaker,1,I use psychedelics and it the best for anxiety and depression. P_trips420 is there snap code,-0.0516,negative,questioning 3324,depressed,"Just turned 30 and feeling completely hopeless. Looking for something, anything to keep going",speaker,1,"Just turned 30 a month ago. In year 5 of what’s supposed to be a 2 year masters degree. Just a thesis based research program so it’s not like there’s a clear defined role waiting for me on the other end. My thesis was set to be re-examined so I have to do a massive rewrite and resubmit and I’m constantly feeling so completely paralyzed by anxiety and hopelessness, I’ll go days or weeks without even looking at it and I’m facing the possibility of the last 5 years quite literally being for nothing if I don’t graduate. All of my friends took more practical routes (teacher, engineer, etc.). I’m broke, grew up broke, mom with BPD, dad with gambling problems, daily abuse my entire life. It caused me to struggle so much during undergrad plus the fact I had to work so much just to keep up with tuition payments. My entire life to this day has basically been dictated by some shitty grades when I was like 20-21. I was ecstatic that I was accepted for my masters program but now it’s just a burden and a constant reminder I’ve never belonged in these spaces. Think about ending it pretty much every day. I feel like the best life I can hope for at this point is to accept 10 years of school was utterly worthless and make a go in the service industry, live with like 5 roommates to cover rent well into my 40’s if I don’t end it by then. Doesn’t help I’m constantly surrounded by grad students and medical students who are just way too excited for life and have had such charmed, normal upper middle class or outright wealth filled lives. Im rambling but yah, I’m not even properly conveying just how completely screwed I am professionally and financially. Just looking for a reason to keep going and see what’s worked for other people?",0.9726,positive,apprehensive 3324,depressed,"Just turned 30 and feeling completely hopeless. Looking for something, anything to keep going",listener_1,2,"I mean mate what usually other people do is they don't look at their family status finances etc. And do what the heck they want that is one way to look at things. The other way is they get their family by talking to them about their probs punishing them showing them the ,,way"" xD Those are few possibilities but mate you won't be able to get ur life together by quitting just try to pump yourself up that will encourage you at least for a while to get it together. You can do it mate stay strong and true to yourself ;P",0.9306,positive,neutral 3324,depressed,"Just turned 30 and feeling completely hopeless. Looking for something, anything to keep going",speaker,3,"Thanks for the words of encouragement. I really appreciate it! I can’t imagine how you must have felt. It’s awesome that you’re pressing on in spite of such a big set back. Honestly, just knowing that other people have dealt with this stuff and kept moving helps me feel a little less alone and makes it feel just a little easier to open that word document and keep writing.",0.9465,positive,grateful 3324,depressed,"Just turned 30 and feeling completely hopeless. Looking for something, anything to keep going",speaker,4,"That was sort of where I was too. I had bigger dreams and knew that my undergrad alone wasn’t going to cut it and my grades weren’t where they should have been to get into a professional program (medicine, pharmacy, etc.) so I figured a thesis based program was my best shot. I’m pretty pessimistic but I went into it with a decent mindset. Decided I’d just be the hardest worker in there in spite of my lack of scholarships/fellowships/awards etc. I produced 3 manuscripts, co authored 2 more, served as VP of our student association, sports rep of another student group and even started my own organization for people studying in my field. I felt like I was really thriving in spite of all the shit but then, after submitting my thesis, one reviewer gave me a decent review, said the thesis was good and commended me on being so productive, the other reviewer however, baselessly accused me several times of lying or exaggerating about having done the work, basically saying I did nothing but run a few calculations through a stats program and write the thesis. I wrote a paper based thesis which the reviewer refused to well...review. He claimed that he knew my co-authors and he explicitly said he felt uncomfortable reviewing it (so why bother even taking on the assignment?) so he ended up ignoring all of my manuscripts and reviewed, I kid you not, 1/5th of my entire thesis. Ultimately the decision to re-examine or just pass someone is up to the dean and wouldn’t you know it, the dean sides with the reviewer who reviewed 1/5th of the work, accused me of lying and stated what some might call a conflict of interest. That’s the real gut punch. I thought I did everything right only for one person to grind it all to a stop and send me spiralling into this depressive cycle. If you have resources, money, supportive family friends, you might actually have a good experience. Conferences can also be a lot of fun and give you an excuse to travel and schools will sometimes offer students at the very least a one time travel stipend. If you’re in a similar situation as I was with no family to rely on, no scholarships and having to work constantly outside of school to cover expenses, it’s going to be a grind but hopefully you have a supportive supervisor/committee/faculty. It also doesn’t help at all when you’re surrounded by overachievers and you see everyone around you thriving and things just sort of falling into place and you’re just sort of there on your little island, alone, wondering what the hell gives? Long story short It can be rewarding but be prepared to work and understand that one jerk who’s having a shitty day can very well turn your whole world on it’s ass",-0.9709,negative,hopeful 3324,depressed,"Just turned 30 and feeling completely hopeless. Looking for something, anything to keep going",listener_2,5,Good luck!!!,0.7767,positive,wishing 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",speaker,1,"So first off I'm a 23 year old guy, with a relatively fantastic life. I have a nice apartment with a childhood friend, a decent paying job with amazing coworkers and a boss that most only wish for. I have a good amount of friends and even more than just a few close ones. I am fairly social, and do get out a lot. I have a loving family with great parents and a sister that I love, and they all love me. I don't have any mental illnesses or any diagnosis of any kind. All of this is something most people in this sub, really wants. But I always have to push myself to actually go outside, for more than just work. Even if I know I'll enjoy the activity more than if I just stayed home. I nearly always feel incredibly lonely, even when I'm out with my friends. When I'm laying in my bed, I constantly have thoughts of suicide or just wanting to disappear. I have at one point actually prepared to take my life, but decided against it last minute. And lately the thoughts have gotten so strong, that I feel like I'll end up doing it again. I'm not looking for comfort, sympathy or words of encouragement, but advice. Therapists and psychologists are crazy expensive in my country, and without an illness or something like that, I'll have to pay it all by myself. My life is nearly perfect to some people, why do I feel like I don't want to live it?",0.9914,positive,content 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",listener_1,2,"We're at the same age, and im depressed, u have more things than me. I want to dissapear sometimes because i feel like im a burden of my family. For me, i think the world has many wonderful things that i dont know, many beautiful views, good meals,... those things keep me here to text to you. Then i learn about philosophy, question about my existent, the meaning of life (""Basically, life has no meaning, only you can bring the meaning for it""). Im still finding myself, my ego I think you should do something that make you calm and think about yourself.",0.0397,neutral,grateful 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",speaker,3,"My problem is, when I relax and just think, about myself and basically everything else, that's when I start having the suicidal thoughts",-0.6486,negative,sad 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",speaker,4,"I work in retail, and while most people say it's a dead end job, I like it. But I guess if I was 10 years old, I probably wouldn't wish to be where I am right now. This could explain some things!",-0.6223,negative,surprised 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",speaker,5,"I love to travel and have a lot of different plans, but need the money to do so.",0.3818,positive,excited 3325,depressed,"I'm happy, but I'm not",listener_1,6,"Find the reason, find the answer for your suicidal thoughts. Have a suicidal thoughts is ok, but manage your mind, and be sure you will be not regretful about your decisions I think read some goods book will help, try some books of Haruki Murakami 👌",0.9233,positive,suggesting 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,1,"Every day that's been a bad day, at night I just take a bath, watch some porn, take alot of pain pills and sleeping pills and either fall asleep in the tub or fall asleep in my bed. If i wake up safe then I just repeat the process. Done this like 34 days already",-0.2558,negative,content 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,2,wanna talk im 14 and suicidal have been since i was 11 depressed since i was 10 due to a terrible childhood i tried to kill myself 3 times and recently my emotional support dog passed so i have no one to talk to,-0.9409,negative,lonely 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,3,"If i could help you out then I'd love to, I'm one to get my emotional support through games mostly, do you have any videogames?",0.8807,positive,questioning 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,4,minecraft very calming and in my own little world,0.4576,positive,content 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,5,lol minecraft very peaceful like my own little world,0.8431,positive,content 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,6,"Ok I'll see if I could borrow an account for a bit, what time zone are you in? I like minecraft too.",0.5719,positive,suggesting 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,7,lol havent played in a while sadley and what do you mean by time zome??,0.2787,positive,questioning 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,8,Like where you are in the world,0.3612,positive,content 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,9,"Dang, well a game I like to play is called trove it's a free to play game on steam. It's really fun, you get to go through dungeons with your friends",0.9545,positive,joyful 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,10,im in atlanta georgia,0.0,neutral,excited 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,11,Cool,0.3182,positive,acknowledging 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,12,srry i was at lunch,0.0,neutral,nostalgic 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,13,No problem,0.3089,positive,angry 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,14,thx wanna chat in one of those private chats??,0.4329,positive,questioning 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,speaker,15,"Sure, sorry it took me a bit to respond",0.25,positive,sympathizing 3326,depressed,How I slowly make myself suffer,listener_1,16,you good,0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3327,depressed,Tired of being THAT friend,speaker,1,"Lately, I’ve been in a really dark place with myself. I used to be the person who could recognize when I am struggling with something, step back, and approach it with a new angle. But lately, I have been a complete wreck. Now I’ve ALWAYS been that person that everyone comes to for advice or to rant and really, I have no problem at all with this. In fact, it really makes me happy that I’m someone that people can consider an outlet or a safe house of some sort. My problem is now that, since I’ve never been the friend to have problems or to need the advice, when I start turn to my friends for advice, I am always hit with “but you’re so smart, you always know what to do” or “you of all people should know it’s just a phase and you’ll be ok”. Like sure. Yes. But sometimes I just want to be able to cry to a friend and here that it’s ok. Just tired of suppressing my feelings because “being sad isn’t who I am”. I recognized I shouldn’t rely on anyone to make me feel better but really, I just wish that I had someone I could turn to for the company. Not someone who is going to tell me to just get over it as I “should know” crying isn’t gonna help my problems. Really sucks sometimes.",0.7491,positive,grateful 3327,depressed,Tired of being THAT friend,listener_1,2,I have the exact same problem. Is there anyone with some advice on this topic?,-0.4019,negative,questioning 3327,depressed,Tired of being THAT friend,speaker,3,You’re completely right. Just took a breakdown to realize I can’t keep bottling everything up. Appreciate the support! Thank you,0.8016,positive,agreeing 3327,depressed,Tired of being THAT friend,listener_2,4,Stay strong mate No one can hold it in it is best to at least let it out little by little or else you will explode.,0.743,positive,consoling 3327,depressed,Tired of being THAT friend,speaker,5,Completely!! Im always saying “yea it’s all good. I’ll just push through it” blah blah. Like there’s going to be that point where it just hits and you can’t tell yourself that in the moment. Then everyone around is just as lost,0.4374,positive,devastated 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,1,"Is anyone on here just depressed in waves? Some days I am, some days not. Some days I think of suicide and some days I'm just a little depressed. I have a hard time making friends and a harder time keeping them. I've been single for close to 6 years now, and I think that's part of it, I've lost interest in almost all my hobbies, I hate my job, I'm tired all the time, I just... I'm getting to the point that I feel like I'm going crazy... I dont want to tell the people around me because I dont want to inconvenience them... had to move into my moms house to help her take care of Bills because she has medical issues and was close to losing the house... I just... I dont care anymore",-0.9112,negative,lonely 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_1,2,"I get what you’re saying and I relate. Sometimes it’s just many things falling apart at one time, others times is not. Have you been “checked” for bipolar disorder? My other guess as to why you feel depression in waves is dysthymia which is what I have. In short it’s a persistent depressive disorder causing waves of depression throughout your live. Sounds unbearable, I know, but mood stabilizers are a great way to balance it. Try talking to your GP about it even though it may be hard. You got this!",-0.4102,negative,agreeing 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,3,"No I've never been checked for bipolar disorder, and I dont have a gp. Havent been to a doctor in about 10 years except for 1 trip to the er for a ruptured ear drum. I dont have medical Insurance at my job and I'm too cheap to pay for it. I've just been in the "" grin and bear it"" mind set.",-0.29600000000000004,negative,content 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_2,4,"Not sure dysthymia was correctly explained to you. Waves would not be a correct term for it nor are mood stabilizers used for it (unless, again, you are incorrectly defining antidepressants as mood stabilizers).",-0.2411,negative,neutral 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,5,"I have several hobbies, including leather working, computer/tv repairs (find fix then give away or sell) gameing and reading to name most of them. I've just lost interest, most days I'll just sit on couch and watch tv or lay in bed when I'm not at work.",0.1779,positive,lonely 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,6,What your describing sounds alot like social anxiety disorder but I understand your meaning.is it possible that you might have both? I'm an introvert myself but I hate to be alone as well so I understand what you mean. I want to be alone together with someone if that makes since.,-0.8126,negative,questioning 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,7,"yea that pretty much sums it up, even the hatred and self loathing part. I hate writing but I could probably try doing that on my pc, thank you for the suggestion.",-0.2382,negative,acknowledging 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,8,"Well it's not like a daily switch, I ment that as more of an example. I can go days without having any issues then suddenly be hit by one of those ""waves"" I mentioned, or be depressed continously, or my mind will flip flop multiple times in a day like a toddler learning how to use a light switch.",-0.4956,negative,sad 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,9,"I have those days too, do you have good days too atleast?",0.4404,positive,questioning 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,10,"I hear you, and I dont ever get anxious... really about anything anymore.. I mean I am an introvert but put me in almost any social situation and I'm usually fine so I dont think its anxiety.",0.5183,positive,agreeing 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_2,11,You don't have bipolar disorder. Your symptoms do not match.,0.3089,positive,questioning 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_3,12,"It does. A part of BPD is needing someone intensely, followed by needing space from them. It's very much a disorder of extremes.",-0.4522,negative,sad 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_4,13,Ok then it probably isn’t. It still is normally for depression to be like that so I’d say it’s that. Seems weird but it’s normal.,-0.09,negative,neutral 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,speaker,14,"Really? That sounds alot like what I feel, and since I'm single it hurts that much more... shit do I have bpd?",-0.7053,negative,questioning 3328,depressed,Depression in waves?,listener_3,15,"I'd talk to a psychiatrist before jumping to any conclusions. Personality disorders have a lot of symptom overlap, but generally need to be treated and managed differently, and you don't want to try and self-diagnose one thing when you need another. The mind is an intricate and precarious machine we're just beginning to grasp the secrets of - and as with any delicate machine, consult the experts before you try to fix it.",0.2185,positive,apprehensive 3329,depressed,It's so hard to fake being okay.,speaker,1,"I've spent years and years pretending I'm fine around people to avoid making anyone uncomfortable. Now sitting in my college class, listening to the girls talk about their lives when I tried to kill myself less than 48 hours ago. It's just so hard to pretend I'm fine and nothing happened.",-0.8414,negative,ashamed 3329,depressed,It's so hard to fake being okay.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3329,depressed,It's so hard to fake being okay.,speaker,3,I know. The amount of friends I've lost over the years because I'm a downer.,0.2023,positive,agreeing 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,1,im 14 and have been depressed since i was 10 due to a very bad childhood... I recently lost my emotional support dog and now have no one to help me please help me before i absolutely loose it,-0.4915,negative,lonely 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,listener_1,2,You are not alone. Keep journaling. Let me know if u need anything. Call crisis hotlines to talk!,-0.565,negative,questioning 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,3,thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,4,Thank you for your support but i cant find anything to help me,0.7311,positive,grateful 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,listener_1,5,"There are ways you can be helped! You are not alone in your journey and there are other people out there just like you! Talk to an adult, school nurse. I'll even try to help. There are support groups, online groups, Facebook groups, books you can read. Let me know how I can help!",0.9045,positive,caring 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,6,we can chat privately,0.0,neutral,neutral 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,7,would love to,0.6369,positive,acknowledging 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,listener_2,8,I sent you a message :),0.4588,positive,acknowledging 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,9,thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 3330,depressed,i have been depressed since i was 10,speaker,10,Im rooting for you :),0.4588,positive,hopeful 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,speaker,1,"They say to pray. But what am I really praying for. For death? For strength? For forgiveness? They say to call but what does it even matter. Will they pick up? Will their phone ring endlessly? Will they send me to voicemail with the intent to call back later. They say my posts are funny. Emojis galore, but if only they could see the real me. The me that is hurting endlessly. The me hiding behind the words. They say they love me but what the hell does that even mean? Does it mean the once a year Happy Birthday text has the right amount of love in it to get me through to next year?",0.9501,positive,faithful 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,listener_1,2,Keep writing and reach out for additional help if u need it. You are not alone.,0.5484,positive,consoling 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,speaker,3,"Thanks, I just feel alone.",0.2263,positive,sympathizing 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,speaker,4,Lately i just feel anxious like I'm going insane. If i try to go shopping in public or something and there are lots of people I have to leave. idk where this came from.,-0.4215,negative,anxious 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,listener_2,5,Start small by going to places with not many people around my friend had the same thing it helped him when we went out did something together and little by little he got better.,0.7037,positive,neutral 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,speaker,6,Honestly I just want to drown all these feelings away with alcohol. At least that way they go away for a while.,-0.1027,negative,lonely 3331,depressed,My lonely thoughts,listener_2,7,That is tru I will not disagree but that will not help you in the future it is just a way of hiding,-0.6243,negative,neutral 3332,depressed,Ever feel like escaping yourself? Any advice much needed and appreciated,speaker,1,"Does anyone else ever wish they could just unzip their body and run away from themselves so they can finally breathe? Like,I want to literally run away from ME. I need to not be me anymore. I need a new brain, a new body, fresh thoughts, fresh feelings.... I need to get away from myself. Im a mother and a wife.... and there are times I'm so in love with my life. But then there are these moments where I can't stand to exist anymore. The fucking mundane routine I call ""life"" is out of my control because what I want and need is out of the question since being a mom and wife. I can't do the things I want to do and be a good mom/wife. I can't kill myself because I want to live. But I also don't have the option of not being me anymore.... so what do I do? I'm on the edge of spinning out of control and into a deep panic. Am I selfish? Am I a bad person/mom for wanting these things? I love my son so much that it hurts, and I love my husband but things could be better between us. If anyone has any uplifting advice, I could really use it right now. Thanks to anyone who reads my psychotic ranting. 🤟",0.9687,positive,lonely 3332,depressed,Ever feel like escaping yourself? Any advice much needed and appreciated,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3332,depressed,Ever feel like escaping yourself? Any advice much needed and appreciated,speaker,3,"I could never bring myself to do it because of my son. I appreciate your kind words and advice :) I gotta find ways to distract these thoughts I have cause they definitely spiral out of control. Im sorry you've had it rough. I have a great relationship with my son, I just need a break sometimes lol I really appreciate you reaching out!!!",0.9688,positive,sympathizing 3332,depressed,Ever feel like escaping yourself? Any advice much needed and appreciated,listener_2,4,Life is not easy but that is why no one should discriminate and make it a more peaceful place,0.3041,positive,faithful 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_3,1,"I have recently lost my girlfriend I loved deeply to unknown reasons I cannot figure out yet and I now feel terrible and have no idea what I do, I don’t wanna be here without her because this pain in my chest and these feeling are too much. She made me feel special I this world and she is now gone and I need help on what I do cause I have no idea what to do at this point.",-0.4357,negative,devastated 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_4,2,"I’m unfamiliar with this feeling, but I think you’ll just have to survive it and try not to die. Good luck!",0.7727,positive,wishing 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_3,3,Yea I’m pretty sure she’s passed away.,0.6705,positive,confident 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_5,4,Happy cake day!!,0.6467,positive,wishing 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_6,5,Thank you! I didn’t even realize!,0.4738,positive,grateful 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_5,6,"So, no one wished you a happy cake day till now :o",0.2732,positive,wishing 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_6,7,"Nope, not until you! I didn’t even know it was haha",0.5093,positive,neutral 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_7,8,"Look, I can’t tell you “you need to do this ... and you’re going to feel better.”. You’re experimenting the worst/weirdest feelings in the world, maybe you want to die, maybe you want to restart your live. So do I, but it’s not possible. So, you need to understand everything, I went to therapy, like spiritual therapy, and they told me, in a big summary, things happens for a reason. Once you understand that, I know this is going to sound like some high shit but, you’re going to understand the universe and surroundings. You need to take this as a lesson, if you feel guilty with her, told her, write a letter, cry, scream, get angry, do whatever you need without hurting others. You have to go to therapy, a science therapy, spiritual therapy, like I went, religious therapy, or if you want the path of the jedi haha. If you don’t want to got to school, do not go, but , speak to your parents, never shut up. You’re going to experience some weird changes in your life but remember, everything’s happens for a reason. Good luck my friend, you’re not alone :). Do not try that stupid things like killing your self, is hard but ... all battles have an end.",0.3941,positive,agreeing 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_5,9,And it's nice to meet you :),0.7003,positive,acknowledging 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_5,10,"Yeah it's normal, I mean it's not like we're checking our Reddit account every hour to see a small cake icon with our username (although there are people like that) :)",0.6798,positive,agreeing 3332,depressed,What do I do?,listener_6,11, I’ve to meet you as well :),0.6249,positive,agreeing 3333,depressed,I’m so sick of being alive.,speaker,1,"Nothing makes me happy anymore. The dreams that used to fill me with excitement now have no meaning to me. No matter how hard I try to have a reliable schedule, eat as healthy as I can, be kind to myself and get enough sleep I still feel no motivation to try hard in school, connect with friends or anyone for that matter and in general I just can’t seem to feel content. I see a therapist every other week and I’ve been on antidepressants for about 3 months now. I want to get out of this and achieve the goals I used to have but none of it seems to matter anymore. I don’t know what to do, everything either exhausts me or overwhelms me and I don’t want to live like this anymore.",0.5713,positive,sad 3333,depressed,I’m so sick of being alive.,listener_1,2,Im going to tell you this.. im 14 and i have been dealing with depression since i was 10 due to a terrible childhood i have been suicidal since i was 11 and still am now i have attempted suicide 3 times and obviously failed recently my emotional support dog died and i tried to end it all again but keep living to see where life takes you i wish to be an actress and/or a veterinarian but just dont loose faith.. im in the same boat as you you could say... i guess try to find someone who can make you smile..and be happy with you being you,-0.2858,negative,neutral 3333,depressed,I’m so sick of being alive.,speaker,3,Thank you :),0.6705,positive,wishing 3334,depressed,Why am I still so negative? I don't know how to change my mindset,speaker,1,"Hey everyone, I am such a negative Nancy in my mind and its affecting all aspects of my life. I just got hired at a new job in the field that I love but in my mind, I keep thinking what if I fuck it up? How long can I keep this one? What if I suck? I really am trying to change this habit of thinking negatively, I don't know what to do or how to approach it. I also say ""I'm sorry"" a lot, even though I'm new and I'm learning. I never thought that at 30 I'll be feeling this negative. How can I make this better?",-0.9102,negative,ashamed 3334,depressed,Why am I still so negative? I don't know how to change my mindset,listener_1,2,im 14 and was diagnosed with PTSD when i was younger i have seen terrible things as a child which lead to my being negative all the time everything i say is negative i dont know how to change my mind set ether.. like one day my mom was driving and as SOON as a car drove by (driving like 90mph) i instantly said what if that hit us and we went flying out the window or got decapitated and she was so shocked she didnt say anything..,-0.8588,negative,terrified 3334,depressed,Why am I still so negative? I don't know how to change my mindset,speaker,3,"Hey, thanks for reaching out. Yeah my therapist was out of town for a month and thats when everything went to shit. I lost an old job, had interviews after interviews, everyone expecting the world out of me and I'm so afraid. My therapist is back, I just need to schedule with her",0.0,neutral,afraid 3334,depressed,Why am I still so negative? I don't know how to change my mindset,listener_2,4,Happy to hear that he/she is back! Stay strong ❤️,0.807,positive,hopeful 3335,depressed,My ex boyfriend knows my “dark side” but no one else does,speaker,1,"Only my ex boyfriend knows how depressed I am. He reads through me, and seems to be the only one to care; but he’s also the one person that “broke me”. The person that made me feel insecure, like sh.t, that made me cry everyday for months months... what should I do? I also feel like he’s the only person that really really makes me happy. This depressive episodes been going on for 2 years and it’s unbearable... I only am truly happy in the summer when I’m far away from my city. I need an opinion please",0.9169,positive,lonely 3335,depressed,My ex boyfriend knows my “dark side” but no one else does,listener_1,2,"I was the only one who really knew my ex’s extent of her depression... went to the hospital with her a couple times, held her crying for hours, all of it. She broke it off with me and I feel absolutely awful. Oh and we work together. She’s about to move away and it’s making me panic... I hope you know that if he’s anything like me, he will always be there for you if you feel safe with him helping you through your dark seasons.",-0.7713,negative,faithful 3335,depressed,My ex boyfriend knows my “dark side” but no one else does,speaker,3,You’re a nice guy. Did you love her when helping her?,0.8481,positive,questioning 3335,depressed,My ex boyfriend knows my “dark side” but no one else does,listener_1,4,I very much so did/do... she’s doing a lot better now though and part of me is so happy to hear and see it. We argued lots near the end and I feel like maybe I got some of her mental issues pushed onto myself and that’s what I’m dealing with now... Always had issues but I always pushed it to the side I guess.,0.5887,positive,guilty 3335,depressed,My ex boyfriend knows my “dark side” but no one else does,speaker,5,Wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help,0.4019,positive,suggesting 3336,depressed,Just Friends,speaker,1,"Just friends, lovers no more Just friends, but not like before To think of what we’ve been And not to kiss again Seems like pretending It isn’t the ending Two friends drifting apart Just two friends But one broken heart We loved we laughed we cried Suddenly love died The story ends And we’re just friends - Bobby Darin",0.9798,positive,sad 3336,depressed,Just Friends,listener_1,2,Mate I am breaking up with my gf for a month already xD it ain't easy,0.3387,positive,sad 3336,depressed,Just Friends,speaker,3,Just friends by Bobby Darin,0.4767,positive,nostalgic 3337,depressed,idk anymore,speaker,1,"idk how to write shit like this but idk anymore, i just think the inability to have any form of emotional stability and understand what i’m feeling, has gone to far and there is so much other shit family wise and honestly bro, i just feel like it’s gonna have to end soon one way or another, anyway sorry just needed to get that off my chest",0.3409,positive,neutral 3337,depressed,idk anymore,listener_1,2,"I feel you bro. I rly do. But pls don't end it. I have the exact same feeling. Nothing feels real, there are no real emotions and you are just empty. But plsss dont end it. You WILL find something or someone that will make you feel better! It WILL happen. Just go and do whatever you really love to do. Play video games, go to the cinema, just party all night, meet friends. Just do ANYTHING that hypes you up! But dont give up",0.9669,positive,questioning 3337,depressed,idk anymore,speaker,3,"thank u sm, i appreciate that bro and please take your advice bro please",0.8316,positive,sympathizing 3337,depressed,idk anymore,speaker,4,"yo thank u so much, that means a lot bro it really does ❤️",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3337,depressed,idk anymore,listener_1,5,Thx :),0.6705,positive,wishing 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,speaker,1,I feel no energy to move anywhere anymore. I feel as if I can’t even get up out of bed. I come to school just to leave because I don’t think I can make it to class without crying. Anybody know anything that helps with feeling so much lack of energy?,0.4874,positive,sad 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_1,2,Mate if you do not finish school then you won't have a future in which you will be happy and satisfied with yourself. You just have to keep it together and hang in there I know school is tough have experienced it.,0.7184,positive,faithful 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,speaker,3,"Yeah that is true thanks for the response, means a lot",0.7845,positive,acknowledging 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,speaker,4,"Thank you, definitely looking into it",0.6369,positive,agreeing 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_1,5,I reali at the time you feel awful but it will get better at some point just push through it if you have to cry then find a place to do it but try holding it until after the school ends or someone might see I've gone through such things. Keep being strong and push through I believe in you.,0.4854,positive,neutral 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_2,6,"This is horrible advice. If OP has depression, you don't ""push through it."" You get treatment. Even if OP doesn't have depression, a therapist can work with them to learn coping strategies, making changes, work on skills, whatever it takes to make life liveable. Every sentence you wrote from pushing through, to it will automatically get better, to OP should hold in their tears and cry in a corner, to some random stranger on the internet saying they believe in them belongs on r/wowthanksimcured.",-0.7186,negative,questioning 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_1,7,"Say what you want therapists have told me I am okay my whole life teachers have praised my classmates and parents have hated my my school ,,friends"" called me gay because I helped a guy out when he went out of class crying and teachers gave 0 fucks and therapists said it is normal. If you would tell me to go to a therapist I would do suicide before you even realise it. After last person told me to get help I bashed my head in the wall until it blead because my mother raised us alone and gave 0 fucks about me just asked me is this what you wanted. I have never told anyone to listen to me I am just glad to write something to calm them down because I can relate to what they feel I have felt and I know what I would want someone to tell me and help me with the words I wanted to hear and never have heard.",-0.3612,negative,ashamed 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_2,8,"Pushing through doesn't getting you anywhere if you actually have depression. It's like pushing through a rash. You can resist itching it but at the end of the day the rash is still there and still itches. It sounds like you have some pretty serious issues that clearly ""pushing through"" has not helped at all. Nobody bashes their head in just to get attention unless there are some serious problems going on. So your advice clearly has not even worked for yourself, so I wouldn't be recommending it to other people.",0.6804,positive,angry 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_1,9,And pushing through helps in school because at that time you do not reali that you are starting to change and people will notice you and start approaching you later on you will start feeling better about things you have fought for or gone through...,0.5719,positive,neutral 3338,depressed,No energy to move forward,listener_1,10,I never did what I wrote I've thought about those times it all happened only at 3rd grade mate like I said I've been through a lot and since I plan on dying on my 21st birthday I am trying to help people at least getting through things that I could not.,0.6369,positive,faithful 3339,depressed,Good bye,speaker,1,"Cheers, love eachother",0.8074,positive,wishing 3339,depressed,Good bye,listener_1,2,Hey,0.0,neutral,wishing 3339,depressed,Good bye,listener_2,3,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 3339,depressed,Good bye,listener_3,4,No self promotion. Few places on Reddit will allow it. The only reason why your other comments haven't been removed is because mods missed them. You can offer help without looking for followers/income.,0.0516,positive,sympathizing 3339,depressed,Good bye,listener_4,5,"Hello, self promotion was not the intent of this reply, but simply a hand reaching out to people who are hurting. We apologize if it came off as self promoting, we just want to redirect people to a place where they can be open and vulnerable and not feel alone. Thank you for your understanding and we will do our best to stay within the rules!",0.9088,positive,sympathizing 3339,depressed,Good bye,listener_3,6,"I get your intent but few places on Reddit allow it. Check with mods before posting to find which subreddits it's ok in. For example, you can make a post on the curly hair subreddit and tell people which tutorials you follow, but you can't make a post or comment with a link to your own channel or page. Basically, we want people recommending you. Not you telling people to watch you.",0.6808,positive,neutral 3340,depressed,my heart is beating really fast. the friendzoen hit too hard. my heart is breaking for the 200hundreth time. i am done,speaker,1,my heart is in such pain. why do i still catch feelings for fuckshit people? i am ruining myself. i hate myself. i hate mysefl for every mistake ive made. he friendzoned me. it hurts so bad. like. a heart attack. i cant breathe,-0.9275,negative,devastated 3340,depressed,my heart is beating really fast. the friendzoen hit too hard. my heart is breaking for the 200hundreth time. i am done,speaker,2,sorry y'all. friendzone*. i cant type. i feel miserable,-0.5423,negative,sympathizing 3340,depressed,my heart is beating really fast. the friendzoen hit too hard. my heart is breaking for the 200hundreth time. i am done,listener_1,3,Okay so from the msg it seems like you are the girl in the scenario XD but okay so ummm the best thing about your problem is that my BFF xD has that thing goin on where he always has crushes on the weirdest girls it's like any girl I know he has had feelings for. I mean fuuuck it sounds terrible but as I am saying to him you just need to find someone with whom together you feel special and when you look eachother in the eyes you only think about eachother not anyone or anything else. When you find that someone shit will gooo dooown fast xD. Stay strong. ;P goood luck on your journey.,0.9739,positive,neutral 3340,depressed,my heart is beating really fast. the friendzoen hit too hard. my heart is breaking for the 200hundreth time. i am done,speaker,4,i dont know what this is. can you explain?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3340,depressed,my heart is beating really fast. the friendzoen hit too hard. my heart is breaking for the 200hundreth time. i am done,listener_2,5,"Your heart racing, chest pain, and difficulty breathing on top of racing and negative thoughts are all symptoms of a panic attack. It's essentially a burst of intense physical symptoms and an overwhelming sense of terror. Thing like chest pain, racing heart, numbness, difficulty breathing, dizziness, and rapid heartbeat are all physical symptoms of a panic attack. I guess I was asking if this feeling comes to you often.",-0.957,negative,terrified 3341,depressed,Tired of this,speaker,1,"Hi. I am a 20 F. College student. I’m currently on break due to financial reasons. I’ve worked at this grocery store for 16 months now. I was 18 when I started. I was employed part time at $8 an hour and I was to be one of the cold cuts clerk...ya know, cutting meat and cheese. I am still labeled “part time, and work 40 hours a week, no overtime or else I will get in serious trouble (store director gets less of a bonus if overtime is reached). I haven’t received a raise and still make $8 an hour. That means I make $200 a week which isn’t enough for the rent and bills I pay. I can’t go out. I can’t buy anything for myself. I can’t even buy much worth of groceries. I’ve been looking for a job for the last two and a half months. I’ve put applications into eight different places. These places being stores and warehouses. I got an interview at an auto shop. The interview went great except the guy was concerned about my stature in which I couldn’t perform labor. I am 5’0” at 115 pounds, I already work 9 hour shifts on my feet and walking, I can carry about 40 pounds of meat. And this man didn’t think I could stand on my feet or carry a car battery. I’ve had no luck anywhere else. I have a great boyfriend who works at a UPS making double my pay for half the hours (him, 4-5 hours, me, 8-9 hours) a day. He pays for me almost every time we go out without any issue. I still feel guilty however with the fact that even though I’m working 6 days out of the week, doing the literal best that I possibly can finding a job, I’m still lacking because I can’t even provide for myself. I can’t help that I’m a girl and my genetics were not in my favor. I want to work. I don’t want to be secluded to a desk, a nurse, or answer phone calls. I want a damn job. I cry every night at the thought of starting my shift. I mentally cannot handle how much I’ve done at my job without any appreciation, gratitude, or any increase in pay. I’m worn out it hurts me. I feel ashamed to work there.",-0.8557,negative,faithful 3341,depressed,Tired of this,listener_1,2,Work smarter not harder. Get a degree or certificate tht allows you to get a better paying job. Apply elsewhere and see what happens.,0.7096,positive,hopeful 3341,depressed,Tired of this,speaker,3,I’m taking a break from college because I was paying it all out of pocket. I need money to finish the rest of my semesters and a job to get money. I’m focused on the present and that’s that I need a job which I am having trouble with.,-0.0258,neutral,hopeful 3341,depressed,Tired of this,listener_1,4,"Big company. Lol, actually. Hospital.",0.4215,positive,apprehensive 3342,depressed,For some reason summers make me more depressed.,speaker,1,"On very sunny days, it feels empty and lonely. When I look outside or am outside, I just don’t feel happy. I get more anxious and depressed than winter and it doesn’t make sense. It makes me so sad that I don’t want to go outside because it just feels so lonely. I thought summer was supposed to help with depression",-0.8833,negative,lonely 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,speaker,1,https://www.crisistextline.org/ Help is here!,0.4574,positive,caring 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,listener_1,2,"This is the main crisis text line we give out. You are not introducing anything new with your ""attention everyone: help is here"" savior complex. This post would have been a lot more effective for our users just titling it ""crisis text lines,"" and in the text box simply writing the US, Canada, and United Kingdom numbers. That's it. People do not respond to savior alarmist attitudes.",-0.079,negative,annoyed 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,speaker,3,What's your problem? If posting it saves 1 life it's worth it. You can get off your high horse now,-0.2023,negative,questioning 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,listener_1,4,Because that savior attitude on here is going to end up hurting someone. And I literally told you how to make it more effective to help more people and your response is to do it your way. That shows me a lot about what a potential issue you will be on this subreddit.,0.5657,positive,furious 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,speaker,5,There is no savior attitude. I wish someone reached out to me when I was depressed and suicidal. I didn't know where to turn or what to do. How they hell does posting a helpline hurt. You're ridiculous and ignorant.,-0.9612,negative,disappointed 3343,depressed,Attention everyone!,listener_1,6,You are completely ignoring what I am saying. I said there is a far more effective way to do it. It's why you have no upvotes on this post. I know what I am talking about and either you can take the advice or leave.,-0.25,negative,furious 3344,depressed,I want to go away,speaker,1,I’m at a weird point in life and i am tired of struggling every day. I just want to leave and never come back.,-0.743,negative,sad 3344,depressed,I want to go away,listener_1,2,"Same here, you are not alone. It feels like being stuck doesn't it?",0.3049,positive,questioning 3344,depressed,I want to go away,speaker,3,I feel so very stuck! It’s the worst.,-0.7884,negative,lonely 3344,depressed,I want to go away,listener_1,4,"I'm saving money right now to be able to live alone soon, i know i still have to work hard on myself to get unstuck but it will help. Find something to help u escape just a tiny bit, and try in a healthy way like books or walks.",0.9354,positive,hopeful 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,speaker,1,"I’m sad as all hell, almost all the time, but if you are in pain, please don’t let it drive you to a decision you can’t undo. The plain fact is this, suffering is temporary, death is permanent. I love you.",-0.8965,negative,sentimental 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,listener_1,2,My boy life itself is temporary.,0.0,neutral,content 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,speaker,3,Yes indeed. But death is not. Better to see it out than give it up in my opinion.. I’ve had a few good days after some hard nights.. I’m glad I didn’t miss out on em.,-0.3091,negative,content 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,listener_2,4,Mate I've almost drowned 4 times at my 19 age that is a lot considering I am an excellent athlete and can swim for hours nonstop but still my body gives in to cramps at the very beggining one time I was underwater for 15min at the time I came back from that darkness the ambulance and medics were already at the shore and thought that I was dead for certain but it is true what they say that your life flashes away before death but then I remembered that I am yet to apologize to my family for my behavior towards my brother and mom. And that I am stronger than both of them so I just swam towards the shore from underneath with last strenght crawled on the shore. I know it sounds unbelievable but it really did happen. Doctors were surprised that I am okay but that day I learned alesson in life that giving up means everyone else gets left behind with suffering in their hearts.,0.7504,positive,terrified 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,listener_3,5,I love you both,0.6369,positive,caring 3345,depressed,Give yourself time.,listener_4,6,yeah not how depression works,0.6367,positive,agreeing 3346,depressed,Food issues,speaker,1,"I have a hard time eating and really have no appetite for the majority of food (I live in a food desert and no matter how much I practice, I cannot replicate some of the amazing meals you get from going out... ) Idk if it's a lack of caring, of wanting, or of actual feeling, but I am ""so over"" food. The idea that I have to eat several times per day forever is just... Bullshit. Even if I tell myself I can have anything in town no matter the cost or distance, still, eh, whatever, I just need enough calories to compensate for my workout class. And even then, I don't want to put it in my mouth. This is not associated with my weight or body image; I'm in that small percentage that's in great shape and feels good about themselves (after many years of self and body hatred) Has anyone just been so depressed or so ""bleh"" about life that they just have no interest in food? I feel good in other aspects of my life, so I'm quite sure my anti depression/anxiety meds are working, but I have no appetite. Example: went to English pub, normally love shepherds pie or really anything, the idea of eating it made me feel ill, so I got kids plain noodles with butter and tea/hot toddies. Anyways, I probably won't do anything or change my meds, was just wondering if anyone had the same issues and if so, how they got back to better or at least eat food again.",-0.3945,negative,disgusted 3346,depressed,Food issues,listener_1,2,"This was me last year but honestly, I wish I could go back and do it again because I'm overweight and at the time I lost over 20lbs because I stopped eating for over a month",-0.0,neutral,impressed 3346,depressed,Food issues,listener_2,3,"I second this, I took up emotional eating to try and help me feel ""happy"" but I just put on 30kg instead.",0.5423,positive,ashamed 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,speaker,1,"Sorry for the bad grammar and possible typos lol Sooooo I finally accepted the fact that people think I'm ugly, hell even I'll rate myself a 2-3 out of 10. I'm not saying this to get attention cause people remind me that I'm too ugly to have friends all the time. I have a lot of friends in the internet who I knew for months and guess what? I've been blocked and kicked out of the groups and servers a few minutes after I uploaded my selfie lol. When people say ""looks doesn't matter"" don't.believe.them!! Because it's all just bullshit. Looks DOES matter and without it you're literally nothing even if you try your best to be a good friend.",0.4423,positive,ashamed 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,listener_1,2,It's sad but true,0.3919,positive,sad 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,speaker,3,:(,-0.4404,negative,disgusted 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,speaker,4,"But thank you tho, I kinda needed that haha :3",0.9063,positive,neutral 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,speaker,5,"I knew some of them for almost an year, and the funny thing is they're the one who made me reveal myself even though I said I'm not good looking and extremely self conscious. Now I'm back to being a sad lump of potato sack.",-0.383,negative,embarrassed 3347,depressed,Uglyyy,listener_2,6,Well it seems like you are a good and positive person despite what you are think of yourself. And I know how it feels I had some worse time of my own. Its my pleasure to show the light.... chat with me sometimes buddy it would be fun !,0.9359,positive,acknowledging 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,speaker,1,"The moment there's any minor inconvenience or something ,I get stressed out easily,start overthinking and stuff,and then I feel like I wanna end it all. Like there's so much I wanna do with my life ,but I just suck seriously, idk I feel like I can't do anything. I can't even keep up with school and stuff,so idk what am I even gonna do in University or smth. Plus it sucks that I have distanced myself from most of my friends ,but the thing is , usually people leave you ,so it kinda hurts ,so I guess it's better to be alone. I don't even know what I'm saying lmao but thanks for reading my depressing story lol",0.7926,positive,sad 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_1,2,I can definitely relate.,0.4019,positive,agreeing 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,speaker,3,"I know that I'm capable of things only if I'll make an effort. but the thing is that I just wanna be perfect at everything or just better than everyone,which I'm obviously not and no one can be ,but I just hate that . like I don't think I can do these things ,like school and stuff. anyway,I'm trying to ignore these thoughts but I can't really. And I overthink too much anyway so idk I always worry hell a lot about things that are probably never even gonna happen",-0.5135,negative,anxious 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_2,4,"You don't need to be ""perfect"" at anything. That's drilled into our head because of social conditioning. You just need to strive to be the best you can be, That's all. And we are all the human race here for EACH OTHER so if there was only ONE star in the night then the sky would be dark! Dont aim to compete. Aim to shine as bright as you possibly can. Thats your competition. You dont have to be great at school or a 9 to 5 those things cant determine your fate and they dont determine who you are unless you let them. As I said brother connect with yourself and LEARN to embrace and cherish your energy. Otherwise even in the face of blessings they will never be enough. ""Blessings dont come to you they flow through you"" Remember that!",0.9724,positive,confident 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,speaker,5,"That's true I guess, anyway thanksss a lot man",0.4215,positive,acknowledging 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_2,6,[https://youtu.be/ntzVVvwd1aA](https://youtu.be/ntzVVvwd1aA),0.0,neutral,annoyed 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_2,7,"If you ever need any inspiration I have a youtube channel where I uplift others and teach others how to empower their selves. Tune in! Leave a comment, let me know how your doing, I care and im here for you bro",0.7712,positive,caring 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_2,8,"Anytime brother, stay positive and stay focused! Peace, love and light!",0.938,positive,wishing 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,speaker,9,"Thankss a lot man ,it means a lot. I'll check your channel as well for sure",0.5267,positive,acknowledging 3348,depressed,I hate everything RN,listener_2,10,"Anytime brother, much appreciated!",0.5562,positive,acknowledging 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_3,1,"My son is 16 and doing terrible in school. On his way to failing 9th grade for the 2nd time in a row. He lies to me about school, skips classes and just doesn't seem to care. He s grandmother wants him to move in with her and try to curb the path he is going. He would be changing from a city school system to a much smaller school in the country . It might be a good change for him.... But...I'm concerned what this will do to me... How much guilt will I end up feeling? I failed .... Not only did I fail, I had to have someone else clean up my mess. Perhaps he will hate me for giving up on him... If this triggers my depression this could send me into the worst disparity I've ever been in. I don't think I can help him the way his grandmother can but that's depressing on its own.... Why can't I fix this!? Idk what to do.",-0.9522,negative,disappointed 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_4,2,Have you talked to him about it? See how he feels. You would have to make the decision based on how he feels and what you think is best. You should never feel guilty. It takes a village to raise someone. You’re doing the best you can. Sending you lots of love and hugs!,0.9608,positive,wishing 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_3,3,"Thank you. Yes we are way past talking point. I'm guilty of being more of a friend then a parent. It's hard for me to be a disciplinarian due to how I was raised. I gotta get better at it..... I've decided to not send him off. I don't think it's a good example to set . But I am scared that his success is going to be whether or not I improve as a parent. I wish parenting came with a ""how to"" book",0.8059999999999999,positive,guilty 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_5,4,There are books in rasing difficult children. Wonder if he got involved with wrong crowd or something happened at school in a certain class and that's why he skipping. Open communication with your children is important. Keep trying.,-0.4019,negative,anxious 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_3,5,Wow great advice. Thank you. I am his father.... Does that change your advice at all ? Surrounding family all have told me I need to stop being his friend and start being very firm to the point of him hating me..... Idk if this works but I do agree I've been very light on punishment with him. I've wanted him to make mistakes and learn from them so I've aloud allot of mistakes to happen in order for him to see consequence of action. Unfortunately for me the consequences weren't enough for him to change . He just turned 16 on the 3rd... He is having friends over this weekend as a birthday kinda thing and then I really plan on making significant changes in my parenting and I hope later on in life he will respect me for doing it be because I anticipate him hating me for the near future,0.4028,positive,agreeing 3348,depressed,Idk what to do,listener_6,6,"Hi, You are a great dad! You are his shining example of a man in this world and you care about him so much that all you want to do is help him be a success. Your family members are giving you great advice, you are his father not his friend, he has plenty of friends, he needs your leadership as his dad. One day when he is a man, you will have a great friendship but for now, build his confidence and lead him in the right direction.",0.9624,positive,caring 3349,depressed,"Hello. First post here, but it seemed to fit.",speaker,1,"I'm a new substitute teacher with very little experience. Tuesday I finished subbing for a French class for five days. I had some hiccups along the way, you know, kids being kids. Turns out one had a panic attack and no one got my report on it. So I was just reprimanded for that. Then the principal came in while I was in my last class, caught one kid on their phone and me sitting down to deal with some others. I was reprimanded for that since they had told me the day before I needed to wall around the classroom. Which I had been doing. They just came in when I sat down literally a minute or so before. I was having a good day before I got that talk. There was nothing positive said and I'm not sure if I should keep doing this job or not. I spent the last half hour fighting off bad thoughts and voices putting me down. (I have DID) and now I'm anxious about what I'll mess up today. I tried my usual method of writing this out, but it hasn't helped this time and now I jump anytime someone enters the room. I keep expecting them to show back up and tell me to leave and never come back.",-0.8703,negative,ashamed 3349,depressed,"Hello. First post here, but it seemed to fit.",listener_1,2,"Hey, I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sure you did your best, teaching isn’t an easy job. You’re doing great, It’s normal to be scared and anxious! They’re acting like bosses because they have responsibilities and they’re scared too, I’m sure they’re not going to fire you for this, but if they do, it’s not that bad, because you really don’t deserve a job that causes you that much anxiety. keep going, you can do it!",0.8484,positive,sympathizing 3349,depressed,"Hello. First post here, but it seemed to fit.",speaker,3,Thank you. The kids really helped later on. She brought me some cookies and asked me how my day went. It was nice to get some uplifting messages as well. Thank you so much.,0.836,positive,grateful 3349,depressed,"Hello. First post here, but it seemed to fit.",listener_1,4,You’re welcome! So happy to hear that! You rock! 👏🏻👏🏻,0.863,positive,grateful 3350,depressed,Want to die,speaker,1,"I have so much going on and I can’t fucking deal with it anymore. First off, I’m still stuck with that ex best friend of mine who I’m in love with. Every time I look at her picture, every time I see her in the halls, I think, “how could such a sweet looking girl ever hurt someone?” And then I remember everything she did. Hitting me, shoving me, manipulating me, teasing me by making me think I had a chance, making my boyfriend break up with me by lying to him, and so much more. There’s so many emotions swirling inside of me and I don’t know what to do. Part of me is still in love and would never want to hurt her and just wants her to like me again, even if it means I have to let her abuse me again. Another part of me is a mix of pain, anger, and sorrow. It makes me want to do terrible things to her. It makes me cry myself to sleep wondering why I was never good enough. And it makes me believe everything she’s ever said to hurt me: “you’re worthless. No one will ever love you.” Second, know I’m an angsty teen and it’s normal to have those phases where you hate your mother. But I’m an angsty teen with diagnosed depression, and the fact that my mom doesn’t understand that makes it fucking difficult to love her. She tells me to bottle up my feelings because if I show them, everyone will hate me even more than they already do. She says i shouldn’t tell anyone anything, but when I refuse to tell her anything about my day, she gets angry at me and plays the martyr card. “Oh, I’m a horrible mother and you should probably run away from home so you can find a family that loves you! Not a horrible mom like me!” Yeah, okay mom, way to make my suicidal ideation all about you yet again. So yea, that’s my rant. All of it has taken a toll on my abused body and I’m ready to let go.",-0.9688,negative,devastated 3350,depressed,Want to die,listener_1,2,My mom can't relate either. It's annoying and seems ignorant.,-0.5859,negative,annoyed 3350,depressed,Want to die,speaker,3,"I have ADD as well, and my parents sometimes call me the r-slur because of it. Thank you for your support, I’m glad that I can reach out to you whenever I need it <3",0.8555,positive,grateful 3350,depressed,Want to die,listener_2,4,Np. I've also been called the r-word numerous times (namely ex-stepdad),0.0,neutral,ashamed 3350,depressed,Want to die,speaker,5,No one deserves to be called that or treated differently because of it,-0.29600000000000004,negative,angry 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,speaker,1,"I mean I can't go back in time and change it, so I just need to deal with it and accept it but its something I've been thinking about for everyday for over 2 years and it just gets stronger and stronger. Long story short, I deeply regret marrying my first husband. I wasted over 12 years of my most prime years in life on him. Now I'm older, my health is worse. I am remarried for over a year to the true love of my life and I just cant get over how much further along in life we would be if we would have married back then instead. I mean I didnt know him back then but I think if my ex husband wasnt in my life, I probably would've met him back then. His health is much worse now too and I think the whole half of this is that if we wouldve married back then instead, maybe I could've prevented his health from getting so bad. Now I feel like unless things drastically change, I'm only going to get a handful of years with him before he dies. So I've like cut off like 15 more years I could've had with him. I cant seem to forgive myself for it.",-0.2084,negative,sad 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,listener_1,2,Yeah but you still can be who you want a live the life you want,0.3612,positive,neutral 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,speaker,3,"Yes but I cant get over all the time I wasted. And it's stupid I know, bc I cant change the past.",-0.8422,negative,neutral 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,listener_2,4,Be happy if you have found your true love now enjoy the rest with him you still have years do not dwell on the past look forward to the future.,0.9264,positive,content 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,listener_2,5,Woman you wouldn't have become like you are now if not for the past.,-0.2755,negative,grateful 3351,depressed,I just cant seem to get over my biggest regret in life,listener_1,6,That’s about as good as a three day old newspaper Trust me I am so angry with myself but who does that help? I’m hard headed myself But a hard head makes for a soft behind,0.4271,positive,furious 3352,depressed,what do you want from me...,speaker,1,"It’s been 3 years. In and out of each other’s lives over and over again. The first year we were together. It was long distance but we were together. I always traveled to you every time. To me you were worth anything no matter the distance. You were my world. You brought out a light in me that I didn’t know existed. You were my first true love. Ever since you broke up with me my world hasn’t been the same. On and off for 2 years we’ve contacted each other for who knows why. No one has brought the light into my life like you did. If you asked me to come see you. I would drop everything to come see you. I’ve done that 3 times since we broke up. Each time was a bad experience but I loved you so I would do anything for you. Last time was before 2020. You told me you wanted to leave me behind in 2019. Here we are again you asking me to come see you. 6 hours away and $300 for 4 days. Right now I’m really struggling. I’ll be 21 years old this year. In my past 21 years of life I feel like I’ve done nothing right. I feel like I will never be anything. Same house, Same room for 21 years. Cheated throughout high school, didn’t go to college, never kept a job for more than 6 months. Stay jobless for months on end. I honestly have no desire to be anything. I have no plans. I have no future. I have nothing.",-0.4832,negative,faithful 3352,depressed,what do you want from me...,listener_1,2,Life is hard. No matter with you do it could still be the wrong decision. Just try to be your most self so regret doesn't eat you alive.,-0.8659,negative,grateful 3352,depressed,what do you want from me...,speaker,3,Talking to someone is normally what helps me but I have no one that cares to listen so now my way of coping has become a burden to not only everyone else but myself as well. My whole entire family is depressed as well which doesn’t help and I’ve never had any close friends because I can’t stand half ass friendships.,0.6542,positive,lonely 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,1,"ive thought about it in my head and maybe i should just go because my life up to this point has been so fucking shit, it hurts to keep on going, and the suffering and pain is unbearable.",-0.9317,negative,suggesting 3353,depressed,i might go,listener_1,2,You might not feel like it but theres a lot of people that care about you and it would fuck them up to see you go. Your life makes a difference,-0.2512,negative,sentimental 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,3,"it doesn’t feel that way, even though people have said to me that i am worth so much and that they care, they have never shown that they care so there’s no point.",0.7024,positive,neutral 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,4,"i have, ive talked to a counsellor which didn’t really help, ive talked to friends but they have grown distant and have got their own problems, so im stuck.",-0.5301,negative,neutral 3353,depressed,i might go,listener_1,5,"What about your family? I think i know what you mean, i dont want to talk about myself but i feel really uncomfortable in my current group of friends",0.0514,positive,questioning 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,6,"i do feel very uncomfortable around my group of friends because this whole thing with a former friend happened, basically i liked her, and she kinda liked me, but her friends spread rumours about me, and then she completely stopped talking to me. idk why bc i didn’t do anything. and the other friends saw me as attention seeking and idk.",0.8469,positive,neutral 3353,depressed,i might go,listener_1,7,Do you have any hobbies or anything like that?,0.3612,positive,questioning 3353,depressed,i might go,listener_1,8,"Yeah, dumb shit like this happens. Sometimes a lot.",-0.4939,negative,acknowledging 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,9,not really i just listen to music,0.0,neutral,neutral 3353,depressed,i might go,listener_1,10,What kind?,0.5267,positive,questioning 3353,depressed,i might go,speaker,11,"some depressing, because i can relate to it, some uplifting, to lift me up, and sometimes just a mix.",-0.3818,negative,neutral 3354,depressed,The girl I love is marrying someone else,speaker,1,I can never get over her and theres nothing I can do. Its hurt for 8 years and it gets worse. Should I just kill myself? I havent gotten to see my daughter in over a year. Theres not much hope of that changing. It's like life is tearing away what I love. Overwhelmed by futility and failure.,-0.8752,negative,devastated 3354,depressed,The girl I love is marrying someone else,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3355,depressed,Wish i was never born im just a burden to the world,speaker,1,My family hates me they are toxic and dont think depression is real that im making it up that lt goes away by going outside or doing stuff they just dont get it or even care one bit im getting tired of being strong and feel like im on my own fighting these dark thoughts,0.5716,positive,sad 3355,depressed,Wish i was never born im just a burden to the world,listener_1,2,I've been thinking that way for 6 or 5 years now already,0.0,neutral,confident 3355,depressed,Wish i was never born im just a burden to the world,listener_2,3,We are here to just the suffer,-0.5423,negative,caring 3355,depressed,Wish i was never born im just a burden to the world,listener_3,4,"Definitely! Shifts dont take place overnight. But every step you take in nurturing yourself and doing what you KNOW is right for you; you become more of the person you want to be. In my opinion medication is not needed to go within and to draw out happiness in your life. Happiness is a choice. Not something we can just consume through a pill and expect to connect with it directly... Great message, Peace, love and light!",0.989,positive,wishing 3355,depressed,Wish i was never born im just a burden to the world,listener_4,5,Well that maybe true medication doesn’t necessarily make you feel happy or bring out happiness by itself but for some people that are chemically challenged adding serotonin or other medications can help us to be more balanced. Then doing the other things in addition like exercise eating well drinking lots of water with the combination with medication can be the perfect balance. I fought taking medication almost my whole but i have found i am a lot more balanced and able to have positive life when including it. Also i love what you say about choosing happiness so true! And of course a huge part of success as a whole. But for some of us we have to get to ground zero with the medication and not be afraid of what others think. Only then can we take the next steps that come easier for other people. Take care😀,0.9957,positive,suggesting 3356,depressed,pls kill me,speaker,1,i just lost someone who is important to me and i want to talk about it...T0T,-0.0516,negative,sentimental 3356,depressed,pls kill me,listener_1,2,❤,0.6369,positive,grateful 3356,depressed,pls kill me,speaker,3,it wont fo any thing... but thanks tho,0.5927,positive,neutral 3356,depressed,pls kill me,speaker,4,i wont be able to chat right now but i would love to,0.7783,positive,neutral 3356,depressed,pls kill me,speaker,5,thx,0.3612,positive,wishing 3356,depressed,pls kill me,speaker,6,if you want to,0.0772,positive,suggesting 3357,depressed,"wake up, shower, eat, sleep, and repeat..",speaker,1,"What am I even doing anymore I often ask myself. Everyday has been the same for almost 3 years. Had like 3 jobs in 3 years but none of them last more than 6 months. Had 2 boyfriends which is what kept me occupied most of the time. Didn’t go to college..was homeschooled 4 years of school (7th,8th,11th,12th) and all of those years were spent cheating my way through school. So I don’t want a job, don’t want to go to school, don’t care about taking care of myself, don’t care if I ever leave the house, don’t care for relationship or friendships anymore or even family sometimes..then what In the fuck is the point of any of it anymore. Tomorrow I have a job interview at a hotel. As either a housekeeper or front desk (Full Time). I sit and think what is this going to achieve. I have a therapy appointment in 2 weeks from now for the first time. I was supposed to go last week at 10am but slept in instead because god forbid if I get up out of bed before 2pm. I’ve come to realization that no one really truly cares about anyone but themselves. Most my life I’ve lived for other people. It’s what kept me going..and now that I’m somewhat alone in this world. I’ve now realized how shit it really is. I’m just waiting for the world to give me a sign. Day by day. I’ve never actually had a human death in my life before. I’ve lost connections with people I loved and that has broken me. So I can only imagine how it will feel to lose someone forever. I know when that day comes I won’t be able to cope. I physically and mentally will not be able to handle it. I think there is something truly wrong with me because I honestly think the most important thing in life is the people in our lives and whom we’ve truly loved. I think life should be spent mainly focusing on who we love and care about because in the end it’s not going to matter how much money I made or how long I went to school or what I owned. It’s going to matter who I loved and who loved me. I’ve been avoided going deep into my thoughts because then I end up in my room alone in the dark thinking about dying and it doesn’t make me happy. It scares the living shit out of me. Like all of this is just a game and I’m just sitting around waiting for my turn to be over so someone else can play. So many questions and so many unknown things that my brain just won’t comprehend. I just really don’t know anymore..at all.",0.9911,positive,ashamed 3357,depressed,"wake up, shower, eat, sleep, and repeat..",listener_1,2,"This is pretty on point, and very gently put which I can appreciate. I can feel the exhaustion and overwhelming nature of what you’re feeling... I’m 27 and I went to school, didn’t finish because of an attempt on my life, and I work at a grocery store. But I’ve got my very own car, and apartment, and I’m trying to feel like that’s just good enough for right now. I’ve not been in a relationship for months... I love the people around me much more than myself but the balance isn’t always there in the world/ other people... they don’t reciprocate. Don’t worry about the job, that will come in time, try and build some things for yourself while you wait, doing whatever you’re doing. Keep loving people...",0.9638,positive,content 3357,depressed,"wake up, shower, eat, sleep, and repeat..",speaker,3,Should I still keep loving people even though they don’t deserve my love..?,0.8442,positive,sentimental 3357,depressed,"wake up, shower, eat, sleep, and repeat..",listener_1,4,"For me it’s hard to turn off, but I’m trying to learn to love from a distance... don’t put your neck out so much, don’t put yourself in a compromised situation because of them. Just keep them in your heart but keep yourself from feeling used as well.",0.9501,positive,neutral 3357,depressed,"wake up, shower, eat, sleep, and repeat..",speaker,5,I’ve never been one to care for myself. Caring for myself is my worse fear. Sounds dumb I know. Because one I know I have no other choice but to care for only myself I’ve failed at doing what makes me happy. Which is loving others deeply. I wish I was physically and mentally capable of loving myself the way I love others. My dreams..well for now my only dream is just to be happy again. To be surrounded by people that I love and people that love me. To just be content. That’s my dreams for the future.,0.995,positive,caring 3358,depressed,Fuck me.,speaker,1,"Seriously. Why. Why does happiness never stay. Why do I lose the things that make me happy and give me something to live for? I have had enough. I had enough of being everyone’s second choice and only have them contact me when they have no one else to contact. Wtf is wrong with me as a person that every time I try to make new friends and start a convo with someone they just up and disappear. Am I just not worth talking to, Unentertaining, shit at convos or do people want me to be someone else and be that person for them. Why. Can’t people like me for me. Hardly anyone appreciates me for me. I’m just some guy that people know who don’t get called/contacted unless I initiate the convo. I don’t want to be that guy no more. I want people to contact me because they want to talk to me and actually have them ask me how are you and what plans do you have and not me having to go and start each and every fucking convo with everyone. Why can’t people do this for me. Because it just makes me feel worthless and I have had enough. I’m really not much to anyone. I want to disappear for a year and find out to see if anyone would actually care but I did that for a month in college and only one of my classmates contacted me. Everyone had my snap and could have easily message me, but to them I’m not on important because they have their friend groups and shit and I’m not a part of any of them because I’m just an outsider looking In. I don’t think I do matter to anyone and I’m thinking why even bother trying to do shit for them when i know they won’t do anything for me. I’m the person who will get left on delivered for days but will run to the phone when someone messages me because I don’t want them to feel worthless etc. I get people are busy I understand that because I’m busy a lot these days but days being fucking left on delivered nah that ain’t right. It just shows you don’t matter to them. and I don’t matter to anyone. Well that’s how I feel. I fucking love it. When I feel this way I’m done I can’t be asked to keep on having people use me when they don’t care about me at all. I would be better off dead. Tell me I’m wrong. If no one bothers to even contact me when I’m gone for a while do I matter to them no. I don’t so why would it bother them if I end up dead in a river",-0.9468,negative,angry 3358,depressed,Fuck me.,listener_1,2,"Hi, If you read other people's posts on Reddit you will find that you are not the only person who is looking for friendship and not finding it. All of us are wired to focus on ourselves first, it is part of our survival DNA and it makes us feel alone and isolated. You may reach out to friends and hang out a few times but these people will always default back to focusing on themselves. It is nothing personal against you, you are great. You are trying to bring other people out of their shells and that is a wonderful quality. Consider it one of your gifts. While you are thinking no one cares about you, your friends are thinking where is my great friend who always makes me go out and have a good time. We are all distracted by our lives and we could all use a great friend like you to tap us on the shoulder and remind us we are not alone.",0.991,positive,sad 3358,depressed,Fuck me.,listener_2,3,Do you?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3359,depressed,"Fuck, I'm lonely",speaker,1,"All I feel lately is uncontrollable anger and a deep sense of being isolated and totally alone. I feel like I'm trapped inside my own mind screaming and banging on the walls to get out but no one can hear me. Like the real me is locked inside my brain somewhere and has been for a while now. I cant even look into a mirror because I don't want to see myself. Someone wake me up I want this all to be a bad dream. If I have learned anything this far in life its that people are cruel,unrelenting and unworthy of everything. Is it so hard to love someone for who they are what they are? Or will we just continue to force people to hide who they truly are, the best parts of them hidden away forever. How do you move forward alone in the world. To have no one and make gains. I'll never be strong enough",-0.337,negative,afraid 3359,depressed,"Fuck, I'm lonely",listener_1,2,"Been there. My advice would be first off- slow down on the booze as much as you can. Maybe start with only consuming 4 drinks a night for one week. Then 3 the next, etc. Also, recognize you are among millions of people who currently feel this way (something like 5% of people in the U.S alone are on some sort of mood enhancer). Making yourself feel like you're alone and not normal for feeling this way is the exact opposite of reality. That helped me quite a bit. Not sure where you live/what facilities you have access to, but maybe reach out to a anxiety centre/hotline? Join a group session? Just take small steps towards a healthier mindset, looking at it as a mountain to climb doesn't have to be the case. &#x200B; Things do get better.",0.7135,positive,suggesting 3359,depressed,"Fuck, I'm lonely",speaker,3,"Yes it's weird to be among millions of people but feel alone. I try to take my mind off of it and it works for s bit but it's always there. I dont see it as a mountain , more like a block of cement tied to my legs and each day I'm drowning deeper and deeper.",-0.3728,negative,lonely 3359,depressed,"Fuck, I'm lonely",listener_2,4,But now I don't have energy for it no more. Let's just say life went hardcore on me when I realised that I have gone too dark of a place where I feel like I don't have the right to breathe no more it's like I am suffocating myself with my own thoughts about my own life that it's all just crumbling apart.,0.0249,neutral,sad 3359,depressed,"Fuck, I'm lonely",listener_1,5,"You need to remember that block of cement is psychological. 5 years ago I was living in a basement by myself in the exact same mindset you are. Now I have a house, a healthy relationship and a kid on the way. Every day is a new chapter. You're the author. Reach out to all of the resources you have man, you'll do a 180 eventually. Mark my words on that.",-0.0258,neutral,neutral 3359,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_3,1,WHY WOMT ANYONE BE NICE TO ME???,0.5171,positive,jealous 3359,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_4,2,"Hey, seems like you’re going through something really hard. I hope that you’ll feel better soon. Life gets better I promise, be kind with yourself. If you need to talk or anything let me know. Take care",0.9563,positive,consoling 3359,depressed,I can’t stop crying,listener_5,3,it doesn't work like that i promise you... I've been crying none stop for more than 6 hours just because the only one who cares about me and the only one i have doesn't want to talk to me and i dont know why... you can give me your ig to send you pics if you want,0.2631,positive,neutral 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,1,i go from being super emo in vlass to super happy when i talk to my friends between breaks CAN SOMEONE PLEASE NOTICE,0.9561,positive,annoyed 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_1,2,Maybe they don't want to ask in order not to make you uncomfortable,-0.4257,negative,apprehensive 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,3,"I tried to jump off a bridge at a friends bday party (my whole class was there) because i got too drunk and had a literal mental breakdown at a different meeting with some friends, crying and shouting that im worthless and that i wanted to die. Im already at uncomfortable ._.",-0.7184,negative,ashamed 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,4,"I dont want to lose them though, I think they are pretty cool. But sadly I dont think they feel the same for me..",-0.1109,negative,jealous 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,5,"Im glad I have friends. But having to do this, putting on a mask, trying to be happy, for like 3 years gets me really tired. I dont think I can handle it, just not strong enough. It emotionally kills me.",-0.3055,negative,sad 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_2,6,Right. None of my classmates really give a single fuck about me. I could be gone for days or weeks and no one would care or notice. Cherish the friends you have. They may not understand you one hundred percent but hey; at least someone actually want to spend their time with you.,0.3716,positive,grateful 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_3,7,Mate that's life you'll have to do a lot better than that to keep your life from falling apart but don't try hiding your true self do what you want with your emotions that is the one thing that will help you.,0.8929,positive,neutral 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,8,Well then Im stupid because I proceed to do this even though I despise people who put on masks hiding their true selfs. Its not common in thid world in particular that even any kind of human being is their true self. We have become masters of deception and it ruins this world.,-0.7269,negative,embarrassed 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_1,9,"Oh, I see. But would could they do? I think I myself wouldn't know how to react. Maybe you shouldn't look for a professional's help in your friends, maybe you should go to an actual doctor.",0.8271,positive,suggesting 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_3,10,I am not faking what I want because then I would have died a long time ago,-0.2425,negative,faithful 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,11,I dont want to sound like a dick but thats probably what I am right now but I do think everyone has their Illusions. May it be to supress something or hide something from others. This makes us really deceptive.,-0.3738,negative,confident 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,listener_3,12,Some people do that yes but I am not one of em because that makes you who you really are !!!,0.4071,positive,neutral 3360,depressed,IM LITERALLY DEAD AT SCHOOL AND NO ONE NOTICES,speaker,13,._______.,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3361,depressed,i’ve come to realize,speaker,1,"there are people in your life who will love and truly care for you and you will do anything for. best friends, partners, family. people who you love and value so much that you would stand by them in any situation ever, forever, and even if you’re extremely cautious about who you trust, you still find those few people to trust. those people will forget about you too. i don’t know if there’s something wrong with me that i’m so attached to the people i love. i’m not a clingy or dependent person whatsoever, but my love for my friends and my love for the guys i have fallen for has always outlasted their feelings by galaxies. after moving to college, my high school best friend has seemingly grown out of our friendship when we used to tell each other we don’t know what we’d do without each other (we both helped each other through shit). and the guy i love made me feel like nothing i’ve ever felt. he loved me, and i’m sure of that. i fell asleep easily every night thinking of him because he made it so clear in the most beautiful ways that he genuinely loved me. but then suddenly i noticed that he stopped. and now i’m sick to my stomach every time he crosses my mind, which is all the time. all the time i’m reminded that no matter what i do, i’m forgettable. i know i’m not worthless, i know i have good qualities that are worth something to people who love me. but honestly that makes it worse, because it just goes to show that no matter who i am, i’m forgettable in the long run.",0.9981,positive,trusting 3361,depressed,i’ve come to realize,listener_1,2,"That has also some good sides to it, I think. It means that no matter what mistakes you do, no matter what anybody thinks of you, one day it'll be as if it never happened. It means that there's no reason to stress over people because one day they won't remember. I understand how you feel - being an oversensitive person sucks and gets your heart broken way more than it'd be necessary - and every time I see somebody cares about me but not as much as I do about them it hurts a little. But then I think to myself: ""be selfish. Who cares if they don't love me as much as I love them. I will show my affection regardless."" Doesn't heal me but makes me feel like I'm doing something good for myself - which I am in fact doing.",0.8432,positive,sentimental 3361,depressed,i’ve come to realize,speaker,3,I needed to hear this. Thank you.,0.4357,positive,grateful 3361,depressed,i’ve come to realize,listener_1,4,You're so very welcome 💙,0.8416,positive,wishing 3362,depressed,Overdose,speaker,1,"I don't know what to do. I was hoping overdosing would be painless and simple. I took a bottle of pills 16 hours ago and I'm confused as to why I'm not dead yet. For the past 14 hours I've been having stomach pains and they've just gotten worse. I just wanted to die. I wanted to end my life to stop my suffering, not prolonge it. What do I do?",-0.8384,negative,devastated 3362,depressed,Overdose,listener_1,2,What kind of pills? You should see a therapist if you feel suicidal emotions.,-0.6705,negative,apprehensive 3362,depressed,Overdose,speaker,3,Pain killers. I don't want to bother anyone. My sister was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder and my family is already busy trying to get her help.,-0.7774,negative,caring 3362,depressed,Overdose,listener_1,4,"What specific kind of pain killers? Suicide won't help your family, you might even cause a chain reaction of suicide.",-0.9645,negative,questioning 3362,depressed,Overdose,speaker,5,Mixture of ibuprofen and oxycodone,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3362,depressed,Overdose,listener_1,6,How much of each?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3362,depressed,Overdose,speaker,7,35 ibuprofen 15 oxycodone,0.0,neutral,apprehensive 3362,depressed,Overdose,listener_1,8,Get to a hospital. Tell them exactly what you took.,0.0,neutral,prepared 3363,depressed,"I’m stuck in a funk, and I’m about to lose my job.",speaker,1,"Let’s just list this all out, shall we? My day started out fine, until I got to work. I was busy speaking with a coworker about something urgent and important, and I happened to catch another coworker asking where I was. One of my friends, or who I thought I guess, responded with: “wasting time like the dumb bitch she is”. Nice. I happened to catch that, and when I asked if it was a joke, I got a nasty “no” in response. So of course I’m upset, and I get home only to be greeted with my alcoholic of a mother and boomer grandmother, to whom I can’t do anything right. I called my dad, and all he asked was what I did wrong. I really truly feel like I didn’t do anything wrong, you know, I was just doing my damned job. No one wants me. I’m just a burden to my immediate family. I have no prospect of going on. Where will I go? I can’t afford to move out, I can’t afford the risk of leaving this job and attempting to find a new one. If I went even a week without earning some sort of income I will be drowned by my bills. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t face my coworkers. I’m humiliated. My manager said he’d have a talk with said nasty coworker, but I already know they all hate me. I’m the newest supervisor and I got the promotion all of them wanted. I don’t know how I’m going to get up and go to work. I piled up all of my pills and alcohol and decided tonight was the night, but honestly I know I won’t do it. I’m tempted to just lay in bed until someone forces me up. How can I get out of this? How would any of you go back? It’s so toxic. Everywhere I turn I’m flooded with toxicity. I’m stuck. And I’m starting to think death will be my only way out. I’m not strong enough to keep my head up. This has destroyed me. I am a dumb bitch I guess, I let him destroy me. TL:DR A coworker called me a dumb bitch to all of the other coworkers behind my back, thinking I didn’t hear. I called him out. I can’t get out of bed and I want to never go to that toxic place again. How do I handle this?",-0.9951,negative,embarrassed 3363,depressed,"I’m stuck in a funk, and I’m about to lose my job.",listener_1,2,"Ah... Clearly you weren't bullied in high school! Otherwise you'd have learned a long time ago that there's no sense in getting all riled up every time a bunch of idiots give you a hard time cause in the end, the universe tends to unfold as it should. The bullying turned me into a strong man. Taught me how to stand up for myself and make a difference. The way I see it, you've two choices: 1. Let the bullies win. Runaway from the job like a coward and never measure up to anything in life. Always live in fear and feel sorry for yourself. 2. Come to terms with the reality. Learn how to soak criticism and gross insults without losing it. Realize that the reason they call you names is because you're better than them, and they are afraid of you. It's true. They're jealous 'cause you possess something they don't: Skill. Don't confront them, though. It'll end up in a disaster. Just keep doing what you're doing, try not to hold grudges and always take the high road. No point stooping to their level of kindergarten bullies. Beat of luck!",-0.7642,negative,proud 3363,depressed,"I’m stuck in a funk, and I’m about to lose my job.",listener_2,3,"I have been being bullied since 2nd grade, (I was 8 in second grade), why does everyone mention high school, I still have one more year till it",-0.6249,negative,angry 3363,depressed,Help,listener_3,1," Hello there I am a 14 year old girl and recently I’ve been feeling very insecure about everything. I just beat myself down about everything. I’ve also felt so alone and just plain sad. I think about the toxic friend I have who is just friends with me to get hw answers and not to mention is nice to pretty cool girls but is a dick to me (he’s a gay btw but like the sassy type). Which gives me flashbacks from when I was in a very far place Nobody cares to listen what I have to say and just seem to put words in my mouth. I just want someone to listen. People think I’m sad bc I “broke up” with a guy but no it’s me that I’m sad about, but like I said nobody listens. I just want to love me and stop comparing myself to other people. Don’t get me wrong I have a great support system and all but also feel mildly distant. I’m just so stupid. Ugly. Fat. The list never seems to end...",-0.5956,negative,lonely 3363,depressed,Help,listener_4,2,"Hey kid, things get better. What you're feeling is legitimate but temporary. I can't even begin to try to relate to you as I'm quite a lot older than you but I remember back when I was your age and I can promise you that it's not like this forever. Reaching out is a big step and I commend you for it. Problems may get bigger but so does your strength to solve them. Just hold on and don't give up. I'm writing this because I had an incident at work where a 14 year old girl committed suicide in front of me. I wish somebody had told her what I'm telling you.",0.8699,positive,faithful 3363,depressed,Help,listener_5,3,"Same here. I felt that way at your age too. It definitely got better in college when I go away from all the people I grew up with and could be my own person, and make friends from that. You should still talk to a counselor, and your parents. Let them know how you are feeling. Find things to do for yourself and if your friends don't want to do that, don't take it personally. Everyone grows at a different rate, and eventually you will find your crowd.",0.9017,positive,agreeing 3363,depressed,Help,listener_3,4,"Wow thank you very much for the advice and I am deeply sorry you had to witness such a thing. There was once a time I contemplated taking pills during 8th grade because I was depressed and had nobody (it’s a long story) but luckily I thought of my family and my future. Once again thank you for reaching out and lending a hand, you most definitely saved me.",0.975,positive,grateful 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,speaker,1,"I had this thought and I wanted to get it out, i wonder if any of you can relate.",0.0,neutral,consoling 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,listener_1,2,"I can totally relate. But when I give into this I feel like shit, so I try to use my depression to have that ""despite being depressed they're reaching their goals"" kind of feedback. Makes it a bit better tbh",0.2271,positive,agreeing 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,listener_2,3,"Seriously one of the best things I ever did for my depression was bicycling. Just getting out of the fucking house and getting physically fit. It was also one of the hardest things to do. When you're depressed, simply getting out of fucking bed is impossible. It's a really shitty catch 22. You either have to basically drag yourself outside despite the protests every fiber of your being, or wait until you have one of those rare ""good days"" and hope it sticks.",-0.0841,negative,sad 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,speaker,4,Can relate to bring stuck.,-0.25,negative,acknowledging 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,speaker,5,When u see someone ill or poor do u feel 10 times more empathetic twords them? It stress me and makes me anxious,-0.7722,negative,caring 3364,depressed,Part of me says I'm using depression as an excuse to do anything in my life,listener_3,6,"I recently got a bike because I love the outdoors & I figured it might help with how I’ve been feeling (for a really long time) but like you said just getting out of bed is a struggle. But once I’m out there riding, I love it, enjoy it & I’m glad I did it but sometimes I just can’t get myself out. Seeing your post makes me want to push myself to do it more. Thank you.",0.9757,positive,impressed 3365,depressed,Walking dead,speaker,1,Everyone thinks i cut to get sympathy and attention. But i just relapsed after 2 weeks of being clean. And i feel like trash rn. 🙂,0.89,positive,ashamed 3365,depressed,Walking dead,listener_1,2,We each have our own way of dealing with pain. Yours is just one of many ways how a person can feel better. Sry to hear rhat you cut there are other alternatives please try to find them and good job on 2 weeks you can go on more than that Good Luck and Hang In There. ;P,0.8344,positive,wishing 3365,depressed,Walking dead,speaker,3,Thanks. I really tried my best not to do it. But... I can't help it.,0.201,positive,neutral 3365,depressed,Walking dead,listener_1,4,You will find another way,0.0,neutral,consoling 3366,depressed,Can I vent to someone ?,speaker,1,Feeling suicidal as hell just want an ear.....,-0.8519,negative,apprehensive 3366,depressed,Can I vent to someone ?,listener_1,2,Go for it dude!,0.0,neutral,hopeful 3366,depressed,Can I vent to someone ?,listener_2,3,"Any time, and dont forget the suicide hotline is always open!",0.6755,positive,agreeing 3367,depressed,Been Depressedmy entire life,speaker,1,"Been depressed my entire life and its been getting worst ever since, is there anyone i can talk to?",-0.8126,negative,lonely 3367,depressed,Been Depressedmy entire life,listener_1,2,you can talk to me.,0.0,neutral,neutral 3367,depressed,Been Depressedmy entire life,speaker,3,"Im 20 btw and African American... Ever since kindergarten ive been bullied because of my skin, my parents are from africa so at the time of me going to school they didn't know how to dress me. They didn't have the money to buy to Nike shoes or decent clothing... I also went to a mainly white dominate school and they were all bullied to me since to me. From kindergarten-6th grade i was bullied non-stop. I was phisically and mentally bullied everyday at my school. Til this day I am still traumatized from bullying 💯. Sorry if this was long",-0.9771,negative,ashamed 3368,depressed,Hi.,speaker,1,"About 10ish years ago a therapist diagnosed me with dysthymia. Yes. Yup. And my daughter has this too. Dysthymia a less severe form of depression. So no. I'm not going to kill myself nor do I want to. Rather, I am going to quietly fly below the radar, silently handling life. I have a dark concept of life. I don't live up to my intellectual qualifications because I can't emotionally handle others judgement. I won't encourage my own intellectual growth because I can't handle others judgement of my intelligence. Dysthymia. We want books for no other reason than the books and that's, ""bad."". And we just want to be good. Dysthymia.",0.8228,positive,content 3368,depressed,Hi.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3368,depressed,Hi.,speaker,3,Maybe actually read a post before a computer generated response. Another perfect example of my Dysthymia is a thing.,0.5719,positive,apprehensive 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,speaker,1,Why the fuck am I even here. My fiance treats me like shit. His family doesn't even know he proposed to me. I can't even go bowling with my dad for the night without getting in trouble for not fucking ringing him. I feel so empty everyday. I have no one to talk to . But to Express my feelings down somewhere without him reading my personal stuff otherwise I will get on trouble.,-0.7908,negative,lonely 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,listener_1,2,"If you’re so miserable, why are you still with him? Not trying to be mean, but coming from a wanting to understand place.",-0.3732,negative,questioning 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,speaker,3,That's okay. Um well he owes my family money and I don't want to be the reason why my family are owed because of an ex of we broke up. Part of me also wants him to realise how he's treating me and hoping things go back to how they were.,0.4172,positive,trusting 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,listener_2,4,"I stayed with a guy (not married, just dating) who treated me like shit for those exact reasons- he owed me money and I wanted him to pay it back; I thought he would realize how he was treating me and change. Hands down the worst decision of my life. He ended up emptying my bank account of my life's savings and treating me even worse. It's taken me years to recover. Years I'll never get back. Money I can only imagine what I'd have the ability to buy now. Trust me, it will only get worse for you. Get out now. You can try to legally go after him for the money. But save yourself first. That's more important.",0.5006,positive,furious 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,listener_3,5,"I hate to tell you this, but your family is never getting that money back, and even more so when he officially becomes part of the family.",-0.3291,negative,sad 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,listener_1,6,"He will not go back to the way he was. He’s starting to show his true self to you. I understand the need for familial connection, but think of it this was... would your family rather have the money, or you in a positive situation? It sounds like he is becoming more emotionally abusive and controlling. You are worth more than that.",0.5077,positive,questioning 3369,depressed,Fiance that is embarrassed by you,listener_4,7,"Yes that relationship sounds toxic as fuck, but seriously, people like that aren't worth it. I know it's easier said than done, but move on.",0.5425,positive,neutral 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,speaker,1,I'm okay I don't have a real problem or anything just feeling like everything is pointless. I really feel sorry for her:'(,0.1585,positive,sympathizing 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,listener_1,2,So you have problem,-0.4522,negative,questioning 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,speaker,3,"I guess so but it's not like i have problem with health, money , family but u know",-0.7364,negative,neutral 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,listener_1,4,But this is still very real problem,-0.6082,negative,neutral 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,speaker,5,I see other people and I feel like I should not complain and I do it too much,0.5588,positive,grateful 3370,depressed,My mother said i want to see you happy son.,listener_2,6,"your problem, even if there is no physical problem you can think of, is just as valid as anyone elses “problems”. just because nothing in your life is physically as bad as anyone else’s, doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to be perfectly happy all the time. you’re allowed to be sad and have problems. remember, it’s okay to not be okay.",-0.423,negative,agreeing 3371,depressed,Today is my 18th birthday... and I feel horrible,speaker,1,"I wished this day could be nice, I mean it was a special day for me, people remember this for their whole lives, but it was just awful. I had anxiety the whole day, I couldn't eat anything because of it and I felt bad as shit. It's depressing, I feel like stuck in a rabbit hole, I always knew how to bounce back but these days are just impossible. I have a girlfriend and some good friends, but I feel alone anyway (even though they are comprehensive).",-0.8225,negative,sad 3371,depressed,Today is my 18th birthday... and I feel horrible,listener_1,2,"My 18th birthday was pretty horrible too. I'm 19 now. I felt so much pressure to have some big amazing celebration but really I didn't want to make a fuss. I was incredibly depressed on the day and when it came to it I didn't want to do anything at all, I just wanted to stay home and rest. My parents practically forced me out of the door to go to a restaurant. I was on the verge of tears with frustration, anxiety and fatigue. Then we got there and they realised the menu had changed and the prices had gone up, so we had to leave and I'd got dressed and walked all that way for no reason at all. Then instead we got a takeaway and went home. My parents kept apologising for my birthday being ruined because of that but I was GLAD! I never wanted to go in the first place, much preferred having a takeaway and just allowing myself to be miserable. I was feeling down and I just needed time to deal with that, not having to go out and put on a fake smile. So yeah my 18th birthday was nothing spectacular, no big party, didn't get a car or any crazy presents, didn't even see any of my friends. I don't really like to celebrate birthdays but I had wanted my 18th to be memorable, but when it came to my birthday month I didn't plan anything because I was going through a really tough time with my mental health, and I just wanted to not make a big fuss. But it turned out to be pretty awful, mostly due to struggling with my emotions and exhaustion, and then my parents trying to force me to have a special day. Sorry to hear you had a rough time of it. I can understand that you feel alone, I feel alone a lot too even when I am around supportive people. I don't really know why. Maybe it's because I feel like they don't truly understand me. Anyways just wanted to share my story, as I can relate to you. Hope things look up for you soon.",-0.964,negative,disappointed 3371,depressed,Today is my 18th birthday... and I feel horrible,speaker,3,"Our experiences are pretty similar, your sharing helps me feeling a bit less lonely. Thank you!",0.8558,positive,acknowledging 3372,depressed,not sure how to feel anymore,speaker,1,"I lost my best friend/girlfriend in December to a breakup and though she said she wanted to stay friends she didn’t really want to try to be right away. My family is poor and I live in an unfinished house that floods every year, mould spores have been a fear of mine for 5 years now and my mind comes back to it a lot causing me a lot of fear. My grandfather constantly brings up how poor we are and it makes me want to disappear. I hate being forced to sit beside him and have him tell me how gram is trying to make things work but she can’t find the money but nobody in our household sits down and talks to each other on how to get things done. We shouldn’t be poor. I don’t speak to my mother or father, I haven’t seen either in years. Mother was abusive and father never really cared, wasn’t a horrible dad just was never really around. My brother used to abuse me and keep me oppressed all my life until I was 17. I remember getting beaten up for stealing 25cents for lunch because I was hungry, I don’t steal now. The worst memory is the time my head was on the concrete basement floor and he was hitting me, I remember white flashes each time he punched me and my skull tapped the floor. I partly think I’m so good with people because I learned how to read body language, tone, etc from him really well. Nowadays I mostly just ignore him, I don’t know how to interact with him that much. I still love him and him I but I worry one day we won’t talk anymore because I resent him for what he did. He’s also unstable and I worry he’ll kill him self when I’m not his life eventually, he has no one else, but it’s just a fear, and maybe one day a reality I’ll be forced to accept:/ My dog has been cancer riddled for months, he has a huge tumor on his foot and because of it he limps and doesn’t use his hind leg that much, he was hit by a car when he was 3 so he limps on his bad leg all the time now, I’ve been trying to persuade my family to put him down for days and days now. I hate coming home and seeing my best friend and one of the few bits of joy in my life laying down staring at me from across the house because he doesn’t want to move. There’s a hole in the tumor too, sometimes he bleeds all over the house with each step. (It’s a baseball size) I don’t know if it costs money to put him down but we’re poor as fuck but I plan on using my tax returns to pay to have him put him down, I’m sick of being sad because everyone’s so negligent of each other in my house. I’m back in high school upgrading so I can get into university, I’m becoming a psychologist (I hope no one worries about my mental state and if I am qualified to be in that position having gone through some stuff, trust me this is my dharma, to help people who went through things like me) my whole life has been nothing but my family, I’m the happiest person in the world but sometimes I feel schizophrenic or bipolar because it’s hard to be the happy guy I am in whiles in this world of horrors. I genuinely enjoy so much about life but my current situation keeps ringing back to me. (It drives me to make it out of this place though) It makes me sad knowing people have gone through worse than me too. I’ve tried killing myself a couple times as a kid too but each time I would never really start to “try” I’d just go “what am I doing with myself? What am I about to do” and cry. I don’t want to ever kill myself now though, I enjoy life most of the time. And I’d never try again, it would be such a waste, I know I’m going to save a lot of people. I just don’t know how to feel anymore, I feel eternally alone and so so lonely. I have friends that are more-so acquaintances, but I do have two real friends. I just don’t see them much at all, my whole life it’s been so fucking difficult to have friends because my family lives way out of town so I can never hangout with the kids I went to school with. I don’t know, I know things will get better and one day I’ll be perfectly okay and everything will be stable. But I just don’t to know what to do right now other than keep putting in so much work and trying to stay together. I feel like a scarecrow stitched together smiling, and the birds just keep picking at me.",-0.9972,negative,afraid 3372,depressed,not sure how to feel anymore,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3372,depressed,not sure how to feel anymore,speaker,3, maybe till things get better,0.4404,positive,suggesting 3373,depressed,Suicide *TRIGGER WARNING*,speaker,1,"My brother committed suicide on April 6, 2019. It was a Saturday and I went out early in the morning with my friend to go help her find her prom dress. I was 15 years old at the time and, Yeah, I’m a guy, but I also have good taste. Anyways, I spent most of the day with her and I eventually came back home at around 5 pm. My mom made some crawfish (one of my favorite seafoods) and I ate a bunch when I got home. Eventually, my mom came home with groceries and things. I got him a vans jacket (we already had it but for some reason they left the alarm thing on it) and my mom went to go check up on him and give him the jacket. Meanwhile, I was outside getting all the groceries. Suddenly, I heard my mom scream like I never heard before. I dropped the groceries and ran inside to my brothers room. There was blood on his bed, the floor, and part of the walls. The smell was something that I never smelt before, it was absolutely terrible. My mom kept shaking my brother. And I had to call the police. The operator was asking if he had a pulse and I kept saying no. The operator kept saying to go check but I just knew. I also had to make sure that my little sister didn’t see any of this. I actually remained very calm because I knew that any amount of distress and the situation would be worst. I had to be there for my mom and my sister at the time. The police came around 5 minutes during the call. Multiple cops actually showed up and an ambulance. My mom was still covered in his blood and explaining to the police what happened. She thought he was playing at first but realized that something was extremely wrong. My whole family came rushing to the house. I had to explain to my sisters that I wasn’t joking and this isn’t a prank and that my brother actually shot himself in the head. The police didn’t leave till 10:30 pm that night and I didn’t even want to sleep in my room much less the house. I slept at my older sisters house that night, and the night after that, and the week after. My room is right next to his so it took me awhile till I could actually sleep in my room again. Moving on to the future, it turns out he was already announced deceased about 30 minutes prior to me getting to the home. The thought of him being deceased while I was home and me not knowing was terrifying. We didn’t really talk so I honestly didn’t know. The doctors told us that the bullet didn’t come out the other side and was stuck inside his head. They told us that he became a vegetable before he passed so he didn’t feel anything. Thank god. My brother was in band at school. The whole band came together and help the go fund me to pay for his funeral. It worked, we successfully paid for everything. Ever since everything, everyone obviously hasn’t been the same. The reason why I’m writing this is that, it isn’t worth committing suicide. People are worth it and you are worth it. You belong on this earth for a reason. The pain that this had caused to my family won’t go away after awhile, maybe never. You can get through all of this. Sending love from a random teenage stranger.",0.8649,positive,faithful 3373,depressed,Suicide *TRIGGER WARNING*,listener_1,2,"that's actually pretty painfull... hope you, your family and everyone else is okay... wish you guys the best of things this year...",0.9313,positive,consoling 3373,depressed,Suicide *TRIGGER WARNING*,speaker,3,Thank you. :),0.6705,positive,wishing 3373,depressed,Suicide *TRIGGER WARNING*,speaker,4,"We don’t blame ourselves, but life has so much in store. Just take a deep breath and continue to think more positively about your future and the present.",0.653,positive,hopeful 3373,depressed,Suicide *TRIGGER WARNING*,speaker,5,"Thank you, I just want to try to help other people. :)",0.8176,positive,sympathizing 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,1,I have no idea how i feel i used to have a depressed feeling all day. And now i just feel nothing no happiness no sadness only in the moments where i should feel happy or sad. I used to be able to explain the way i was feeling or what is was feeling but now i can’t i just don’t feel anything. Maybe i do but i forget i just feel so... weird i don’t know how i feel. I am gonna se a psychologist but i don’t think its worth it anymore because when i was looking for one i felt sad. And now i don’t feel anything so maybe thats a normal thing and i just never knew so maybe. I’m wasting everyones time...,-0.8677,negative,sad 3374,depressed,I...,listener_1,2,go see one... it is worth it,0.2263,positive,neutral 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,3,I will :) thank you for responding its helped a bit,0.6705,positive,acknowledging 3374,depressed,I...,listener_1,4,no probs... but seriously...,-0.3919,negative,neutral 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,5,Yess i will i’m already scheduled,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3374,depressed,I...,listener_1,6,good luck ; ),0.7096,positive,wishing 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,7,Thankyou :)),0.0,neutral,wishing 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,8,Ur too sweet thankyou :)) yess btw im going to a psychologist this week. I’ve also spoken to some people at work too they understand me too that felt good. :),0.836,positive,agreeing 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,9,"That’s good to hear :):) Hope they dong want to rush and put you on meds though, that will just hide the problem and not fix it. Glad You’ve people to talk to",0.0567,positive,acknowledging 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,10,Yeah i’m happy that i’ve got people too. I wish i could just get meds bc i don’t think talking will just work... things in my head are so complicated. I don’t know what so feel or how i feel and i always feel something different its horrible!! But it also comforts me to feel sad idk why i think i am so used to feeling sad u know idk,-0.5004,negative,content 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,11,":( Aww you poor yhing. All Meds will do is numb things even more, they’ll just take the bottom and top off so maybe won’t make Much difference to you. Have you had something happen that started it all?",-0.765,negative,suggesting 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,12,No maybe i wouldn’t know i’ve alway been a insecure person and kindoff sad. But in 2017 i started to notice it way more and i used to feel depressed. But then i used to feel things very deeply and than a few second later i would feel okay. The thing is i noticed how id feel. Now i just don’t notice anymore and it feels weird i even forget how i felt like a week ago. I feel like life if just flying by i used to feel like that before and it used to hurt me deeply but now i just don’t feel it and it feel so weird idk what i feel . Maybe i am okay but i don’t want to be okay and idk why its just too complicated for me,-0.6519,negative,surprised 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,13,"I’m not going to lie... that’s too complicated for me too, my head nearly exploded lol In think... maybe you’re dwelling on it all ti much, and worrying about how you’re supposed to feel. When you should just.... feel.. If you get me",0.128,positive,agreeing 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,14,Yeah i get you but its to hard for me to let go. The thing is i think i let go. But i don’t want to let go ... wow dam i think you just made me realize this...,0.7684,positive,neutral 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,15,"See who needs a psychiatrist?! Just talk to Scott and all your troubles will be resolved! Now you know this, you can work on actually doing this",-0.4374,negative,confident 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,16,But idk i just don’t want to let go i guess i like feeling sad. I think it makes me feel special... but i don’t think... idk actually i should just talk to my psychologist,0.3919,positive,suggesting 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,17,"Yeah maybe. But also, a lot of People feel sad, so that’s not really special. What’s special is being happy and just accepting with who you are :)",0.8918,positive,suggesting 3374,depressed,I...,speaker,18,Thats hard for me lol .. idk i just need to figure stiff out,0.25,positive,neutral 3374,depressed,I...,listener_2,19,"Yeah! You’ll get there, you’re young, loads of time for that :)",0.6696,positive,agreeing 3375,depressed,Does anyone else get depressed when they get sick with a cold or flu?,speaker,1,"I've been getting pretty badly sick a couple times through out these past two months. And everytime I always seem to fall into a really bad depression. Even if I was doing really well for a long time prior to getting sick. I always seem to fall into the same depressed feeling. I stop talking to people as much, Im not funny anymore, I start seeing a different, more ugly person in the mirror, I feel like my friends don't like me and I become a worse/less dependable friend. All that while also hating on myself for self-pitty, which is counter productive. Just in general I feel all the things I usually would feel when I get depressed (which luckly its fairly rare for me to feel this way unless I'm sick). Recently my girlfriend broke up with me (and for anyone curious, yes, it went very badly.) so my self confidence has been rebuilding ever since that day. And I feel like me getting sick again just brought me right back down. Does anyone else feel this way when there sick? And is there anything I can do to shake this sad, unproductive version of myself out. Or do I just have to be patient and wait it out anytime I get sick?",-0.9889,negative,sad 3375,depressed,Does anyone else get depressed when they get sick with a cold or flu?,listener_1,2,Did you mean me right now? Lol. I think it's a little bit like seasonal depression where there's not really much you can do but sometimes it helps to put it into perspective,0.5515,positive,questioning 3375,depressed,Does anyone else get depressed when they get sick with a cold or flu?,speaker,3,"No it's any season, just specifically when I get sick (sometimes I do just get seasonal or just random depressed days to) but being sick seems to trigger it.",-0.8537,negative,neutral 3376,depressed,It's reached a tipping point,speaker,1,"So strange that i got a notification today that my post on this sub 3 months ago got upvoted today. Just yesterday I was in a really bad place. Sad, angry, tired, restless. It's a death spiral, you will follow the curve till you are incapable of corrective action. I followed it yesterday morning. I was angry at stupid things and then instantly regretted my anger, somehow getting more angry. But someone was unwell at home, so I had to function and take care of them. I did it barely, but the person is not considerably better. I need not have come today, could habe stayed home to take care of them, but I came anyway. I don't know why? Didn't even occur to me to stay back until now. By evening I was better. Watched a movie and some tv, did some little work and slept soundly. This meant that today was clean too. At one point, i was feeling almost happy. Then something happened at home and opened up a sound which had healed long ago. Now I'm feeling like shit again and angry and sitting downstairs from work because smiling and interacting at work seems too fucking much of a chore. I want to throw something at a massive pane of glass and then see it shatter. No, this is not a very for help. I just needed to write this where I knew at least one other person would read it. No, I'm not going to kill or hurt myself. Just a bit maybe, but that's just to get the anger out. I'm glad that you people exist and that this community exists. I'll be back in a bit with some updates.",0.3878,positive,sad 3376,depressed,It's reached a tipping point,listener_1,2,may be you just need a friend or someone to talk to bud.,0.4939,positive,suggesting 3376,depressed,It's reached a tipping point,speaker,3,That I do. I think I need a companion.,0.0,neutral,lonely 3377,depressed,I'm feeling better today,speaker,1,"I didn't sleep last night till 3am , i woke up today i feel little bit better,the weather is better,i went for a walk wish is nice, it's odd feeling cause i don't trust feeling well but I'm thankful and i need to practice this more. Thanks for reading i hope u will feel better too",0.958,positive,grateful 3377,depressed,I'm feeling better today,listener_1,2,I feel the same way! When i’m okay i feel like the bad thoughts were fake or something... but i’m glad you’re doing better i hope things will get even better! If you need anyone to talk to i’m here :),0.964,positive,consoling 3377,depressed,I'm feeling better today,speaker,3,"Thanks i could always talk to someone u can, I'm here too.",0.4404,positive,acknowledging 3378,depressed,How do you make something right when you’ve made it so wrong you can never go back?,speaker,1,"I beat my girlfriend months ago. Not because I wanted to, or I felt like she deserved it. I just hit my limit. I snapped. I have an anger issue. I honestly thought she was done with me and I didn’t blame her but she still came back. Somehow. But now when we fight or argue, sometimes it’s intense. And we yell and cuss and argue but that’s all. But once I start doing it, she gets nervous and wants nothing to do with me. “Get away from me, don’t touch me. Get out of my car.” Just extremely hostile and nervous. I know she doesn’t trust me. We’ve talked about it. She’s scared I’ll hurt her again. I can’t say I blame her. It just sucks. Because not amount of me saying, “Hey, I promise I won’t hurt you no matter how angry I get” will help. I hate myself for what I did.",-0.9899,negative,ashamed 3378,depressed,How do you make something right when you’ve made it so wrong you can never go back?,listener_1,2,"You’ve broken her trust in ways that is quite hard, if not impossible to repair. It‘s the same thing that breaks inside of you when someone cheats. Except cheating can sometimes be a wake up call to change something for the best. This is not the case with physical violence, in fact it’s the exact opposite. It’s a violation of an unspoken contract. First step is understanding what you did and expressing remorse, which you do judging by post. Second thing is addressing the elephant in the room. Both of you know the problem so please address it. Third and most importantly, get help and by that I mean professional help. Sit down with a therapist or counselor and see if you can maybe put the rest of the pieces together and and do enough of a good job to maintain this relationship. If you however fail, it is best to end it and learn from your mistake.",-0.3281,negative,guilty 3378,depressed,How do you make something right when you’ve made it so wrong you can never go back?,listener_2,3,"This is a fantastic answer OP. Though I wouldn't refer to beating her again as a ""learning from your mistake."" More like addressing that you are a serial domestic abuser. But everything else this person said is what you need to do. Because honestly, if I were your girlfriend's friend, I'd be doing everything in my power to get her away from you. Because these things never happen just once. So if you are seriously regretting your actions, you need to take every possible to step to keep them from repeating in the future. You need to get professional help now.",0.8716,positive,agreeing 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",speaker,1,"So the person that knew me best, left me and completely banned me out of his life. I loved him. His explanation was that i wasn't worthy enough anymore? That i was a bad person, a manipulative one, bit.hy... But i really don't feel that was. I trust that person's instinct a lot. How do i get that person back? Does he know better than i about if i'm good or bad? Help.",0.9089,positive,trusting 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_1,2,"Anyone who acts like that is a manipulative asshole. They may have been fun, and you thought they were great, but they showed what their true colors were by saying something that terrible. Be glad to be rid of someone so toxic. Take a bit to get rid of all the negative feelings, find something to do, and go make new friends. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, there are people out there who will be your friends, and plenty online if you just look.",0.9052,positive,angry 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_2,3,"This is not true. The other person may have been completely right about OP and you are doing her a disservice by not having her reflect if there is anything about herself that needs to be changed. Manipulative people don't think they are manipulative, and we have no idea what OP's action were to judge who is right in this situation. OP, you aren't going to get him back. But really evaluate how you acted in the relationship. Read about manipulative people and see if it sounds familiar. If it does, it is something you really need to work on because it seriously hurts others. If it doesn't sound familiar, then just know your life is better off without this guy in it.",-0.5597,negative,agreeing 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_3,4,"Those toxic people waste your time, energy and your felling.",-0.1779,negative,angry 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_1,5,"Telling someone that they aren't ""worthy enough"" is seriously wrong. They could have said that they don't like them anymore, or that whatever behavior is driving them crazy, anything specific or just a general I'm breaking up. But specifically saying that the other person isn't worthy means that they think they are better than the other person and they place themselves higher in worth. The second half of your very long comment was potentially helpful at least.",0.34700000000000003,positive,angry 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_2,6,"My comment was 12 lines. Yours is 11. Is there any reason why you felt the need to obnoxiously neg in a thread about how to treat others. If I were you, I'd think about that.",-0.1531,negative,annoyed 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_1,7,"You're totally right, thanks for being so helpful and pointing it out to me so clearly.",0.883,positive,agreeing 3379,depressed,"How do I know I'm a ""good person""?",listener_2,8,"Jesus. The fact that negging is your only form of response when someone is not 100% complying with you is a blaring red flag for your potential as an abuser. Not only for whoever you are going to inevitably hurt in your real life, but we have people on here who are emotional and physical domestic abuse survivors and I don't need them triggered by your childish shit. Either grow up and address this serious issue, or go somewhere else because you will no longer be welcome here.",-0.9356,negative,furious 3380,depressed,Can tomorrow be better,speaker,1,Please.,0.3182,positive,annoyed 3380,depressed,Can tomorrow be better,listener_1,2,Granted! It will be better,0.636,positive,consoling 3380,depressed,Can tomorrow be better,listener_2,3,"Happy Birthday, if it helps.",0.743,positive,wishing 3380,depressed,Can tomorrow be better,listener_3,4,"Thanks, been secluded so long forgot how it felt for someone to say something nice to you with genuine intentions. Not just cause Facebook reminded them and they feel obligated. But honestly thank you.",0.8779,positive,neutral 3380,depressed,Can tomorrow be better,listener_2,5,"You're welcome, my man. Trust me, I feel your problem, having cried on my birthdays.",0.25,positive,caring 3381,depressed,Depression and drugs and drinking,speaker,1,"I’ve reached the point where I sink so low and I just drink and use cocaine until I completely wreck myself for the next 24 hours and I’ll pass out. Obviously these things paired with depression I’ve gotten mixed up with a bad crowd of people also drunk and doing coke all the time, the dramas gotten so out of hand I’ve been banned from the local watering hole because of drama with other patrons and just over drinking etc there is so much it just feels like it’s killing me. I don’t want to be here anymore I really just want to save up enough money to move by myself to a new city and start over. I’m usually a really social person and now I feel like I just want to hide in my room and never leave now. I was seeing a girl for a while and that’s failing now and we haven’t spoken in days now because she is anxious about me lying to her, she’s had bad experiences and trauma from relationships in the past, I don’t blame her. It just sucks that I can’t even be close with someone anymore because there is such a dark cloud hanging over me. I just really need some help but I don’t have insurance, just a hug and maybe a friend. All my friends I can usually talk to don’t want to hear it anymore. I just feel like I’ve exhausted myself on all ends. Is Anyone else feeling like this? Does Anyone else just need a friend? It boils down to being scared. I’m scared I’m never going to be happy and I’m just going to lose all light inside of myself.",0.7975,positive,ashamed 3381,depressed,Depression and drugs and drinking,listener_1,2,It's hard to save up money to move when you are throwing it away on cocaine and alcohol. I think you know the first thing you need to do to start getting better.,0.6908,positive,prepared 3381,depressed,Depression and drugs and drinking,speaker,3,Very real. I’m stopping both 100%. I’m determined to get out of here I’ll die if I don’t.,-0.5209,negative,faithful 3381,depressed,Depression and drugs and drinking,speaker,4,Thank you for your reply. It gives me hope. I don’t think since I’ve turned 21 I’ve gone more than a week without drinking really. I never even though about that.,0.6597,positive,hopeful 3381,depressed,Depression and drugs and drinking,listener_2,5,"Glad my words were helpful, please feel free to reach out if you like. I’m going through a similar time and can relate. Honestly it would be helpful for myself as well. I can speak for myself only but I feel like I have to relearn how to live. Ask yourself tough questions and seek honest answers.",0.9509,positive,acknowledging 3382,depressed,It will be okay because it has to be,speaker,1,"I’ve been depressed all my life and this phrase has kept me alive and kicking more than anything else I’ve ever heard. Right now life is kicking my ass and I keep repeating this to myself over and over but for the first time I’m having a hard time believing it. I severely injured my arm, had to put my dog down, watched my relationship crumble to the point I’m sleeping alone while my SO is sleeping in the arms of her friend a room away, I’m getting laid off one of my jobs because of my injury and tomorrow I’m seeing a specialist who is likely to tell me I will never be able to fully extend my arm again. I don’t really have anybody I want to talk to this about in my personal life as they are all too close to both me and my girlfriend for my comfort. I’m not sure if this kind of post is even allowed but can someone please convince me my motto is correct.",-0.5351,negative,disappointed 3382,depressed,It will be okay because it has to be,listener_1,2,"I can't convince you but now I'll borrow it, lets be hopeful.",0.6224,positive,trusting 3382,depressed,It will be okay because it has to be,speaker,3,It’s served me right in my 23 year long battle with depression I hope it serves you well. Best of luck with whatever life throws at you I genuinely hope you have a good day tomorrow and find something that makes you smile.,0.9217,positive,wishing 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",speaker,1,"First, I do not wish to receive a lecture on changing my views on muslims. That's not what I'm here for, I just need to vent because otherwise I might explode (not literally lmao). I'm a freshman in college and I'm pretty lonely. There is almost nobody who enjoys my company on campus (largely due to my nationalism and the environment on campus is Antifa-level liberal). I have exactly two friends on campus and one of the frat houses has banned me because I kept bumming beer and they also hated my political beliefs. Background info, I have been depressed through most of high school and have been cutting myself for years. Leaving home for college briefly helped with my mental state but soon I was cutting myself again, sometimes while drunk. I also made a half-assed attempt to to hang myself from the shower stall at one point but stopped when my head felt like exploding. I've always been uncomfortable around muslims, because of terrorist statistics, Islamic values regarding nonbelievers, and attitudes towards women. However my greatest vice is my curiosity in the Arabic language, and on top of that I find guys of arab/middle eastern origin to be extremely attractive. I guess the primary cause of my attraction is mainly on appearance. Anyways I began to develop feelings towards a Palestinian guy in my calculus class. I really don't have a good reason to have such strong feelings for him, as I've never talked to him before. In fact I kept to myself and didn't talk to anyone in class. I started having a crush on him when I borrowed a pen from him, and I just fell in love with his accent and pretty much everything about him. He even smells good for fuck's sake. I decided to try to talk to him a bit, because I had to like something else about him other than him being ridiculously cute, and since I'm horrible at starting/maintaining a conversation I ended up being extremely awkward around him. I did manage to get his facebook though and we would talk a bit online, but I was always the one starting the conversation. During one of our conversations i asked him casually if he was muslim, and he said yes. Instantly I started to trust him less but I brushed that feeling aside. I would ask him if he could hang out during the weekend but he always said no, saying he had stuff to do. And I believed him, since I did see him quite often in the computer lab doing projects and stuff (I'm a computer science major so I use the computer lab a lot). But a few days ago I asked him if he had time would he hang out with me. He said ""no"" very directly. I replied with ""Oh, okay."" and after talking to some people I just got up and left. I always try to hide negative emotions from people when sober. I left straight to my dorm where (this sounds lame as fuck) I self harmed quite a lot. However I stopped after a while and left to get a cigarette, which helped me feel less upset. He later apologized through text message (but only after I sent him a message saying I was sorry and I shouldn't have said that). He really didn't have to apologize actually, in fact being direct about himself was something I appreciated. When he apologized I realized I had nothing to lose, I would be out of college in four years anyways, and I knew I wouldn't be talking to him again, so I just told him I asked him to hang out because I was interested in him. He left the message at seen with no response. Yesterday I began refreshing my memory on Islamic terrorism and the Quoran. I read PDFs of the Quoran, watched ISIS beheading videos, went through lists of jihad terrorist attacks. The more I reread Quoran passages and death rates from jihad the more my sadness increased but I still can't get him out of my mind. I know from reading the Quoran that I'm no more than a dirty kuffar to him because I am not muslim, I am an infidel korean agnostic. Thinking about him hurts me now, it used to make me feel warm and happy but now my mind jumps from thinking about him directly to contemplating suicide methods. This has been too much for me, my already fucked up sleep has gotten even more fucked, I even had a nightmare where I was killed and he was a jihadi terrorist. I am not sure if I should off myself with two bottles of vodka or by deliberately provoking a cop so he can shoot me. Or if I should do the hanging thing again. I'm tired of being rejected, I'm tired of aspirations I can never achieve, I know as I get older the depression will get worse, more people will reject me, more people will hate me, more people will be out to get me.",-0.9982,negative,lonely 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",speaker,3,"First thank you for the advice, I will keep that in mind. Second, I do know ISIS doesn't represent all Muslims but I would rather keep my reasoning behind distrust of Islam out of this. I did kind of get awkward vibes from him but I was being stupid for ignoring it. I will try to deal with the current situation at hand but i am not sure what to do. It's hard though because in my opinion he is the hottest arab on campus.",-0.8944,negative,apprehensive 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",listener_2,4,"Your distrust of Islam is completely part of this and cannot be separated. By the way, white Christian men by far commit more terrorist acts in the US than all other groups combined. But I'm deleting this post. You have a whole host of issues and this guy not liking you is the least of them. You are forcing Muslims to defend themselves against your bigoted and skewed beliefs, while you simultaneously have some sort of fetishism and obsession for their people and culture. What you need to do is see a therapist because this is by far one of the weirdest posts I've read. You are living in some parallel universe where there is a disconnect between your own actions and thoughts and reality. Also, I find it hilarious you are so anti liberal yet you actually got a reputation for bumming beer. Another example of that disconnect in your head.",-0.8799,negative,angry 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",listener_3,5,"Well im glad you didn't take my opinion with negativity , and yeah im a little islamophopic cuz i was raised in an abusive Muslim family that used ""isllam"" to justify their actions , and as i said im here if you wanna talk or vent , and between me and you (arabs have relatively small penises) 😉",-0.29600000000000004,negative,neutral 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",speaker,6,I am genuinely touched that strangers on reddit would give me better advice than people in real life. And also asians have small dicks on average too (according to statistics),0.4404,positive,surprised 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",listener_3,7,"Statically Palestine is in Asia 😉 , and yeah i was where you are now and complete strangers helped me out ,so im here to help others to escape the shitty reality , and again im here if u wanna txt and vent , lots of love from a complete stranger who cares about you ❤️",0.8481,positive,caring 3383,depressed,"Crush on a muslim, rejected, been islamophobic for a long time.",listener_2,8,This,0.0,neutral,impressed 3384,depressed,Smoking,speaker,1,"Im an 18 yo student, living with my parents, who has been going through some issues. From the beginning, I have not been able to get a girlfriend (might sound cheesy) but Im not a very social person. I really have tried to show my affection, how I care about them, and I am sure there's something wrong with me. Recently, I met this girl at my university, I fell in love with. I felt that she was interested in me, you could tell. But I was afraid to take a step and ask her out. And I finally did, it was Valentine's. I was about to ask her out but I made sure to ask whether she had a date or not. She said that she did and started telling me how it went. I was devastated. So, I lashed out and started smoking. A lot. I always feel like shit after doing it, but I can't stop. That moment when you take it in, I feel all my problems wjthering away, till I reach the end. That's when the anxiety steps in. I am writing this after smoking right now, and I feel like I'm worthless. Of course it wasn't her fault, but the moment she said yes, I just cried. I don't know why. It might be because I spent a great deal of my day thinking about her. I still do, even though we haven't talked in 2 weeks. I just feel lost. Just want someone to appreciate my efforts, that's all.",0.9632,positive,caring 3384,depressed,Smoking,listener_1,2,"Hey man, i know love is complicated. But, on the brgiht side, you got your Dream University! And im sure you will find a SO to be happy with. And evn if not, you wont need one to be happy. Sure, helps a lot, but you can be happy without anyone, you habe urself. Try to find yourslef before dinding someone else",0.9843,positive,neutral 3384,depressed,Smoking,speaker,3,Thanks a lot,0.4404,positive,wishing 3384,depressed,Smoking,listener_2,4,"As they said, you are going to your university of choice, congratulations on getting in! I've been in the same position you are in, you will find someone. Oh, and you are absolutely not worthless! Take care and good luck in school!",0.8941,positive,wishing 3384,depressed,Smoking,speaker,5,Thanks a lot mate,0.4404,positive,wishing 3384,depressed,How to get help?,listener_3,1,"I am going through social anxiety and depression, I can not sleep at night, I get bullied a lot at school by my ex friends, I do have a lot of friends right now, but I can't share my problems with them, as I have the fear that they would simply say that I'm overreacting, I also had a crush on a girl, and I always tried to be ""perfect"" so I can impress her, I always gave her presents without telling her I bought them, after a while she broke my heart by just saying I'm a stupid kid who needs help. I still can't sleep at night, and get irritated a lot. I am very sensible, Ive cried multiple times at school because my bullies just get my clothes and they also have this tradition to spit on them. I hope I can move on from this. Please notice my grammar might not be the greatest. Thank you for according attention to my post.",0.4099,positive,ashamed 3385,depressed,I'm so lonely,speaker,1,"I haven't felt the desire to end my life in so long, but tonight it's so intense. I'm not going to do it, not tonight. I miss friends and people to talk to. After getting raped in December, I cut out the people around me that night (my only 4 friends) then dropped out of high school. I feel hopeless and alone. Every time I'm around my boyfriend I start crying because he's constantly getting notifications and I wish that were me. I'm so tired of feeling friendless and like a failure. &#x200B; It has been years since my depression has zoomed in and hit me right in the spot of being friendless. I have no family support, and the only person I like is my sister across the country. I only have my boyfriend and I constantly feel like I drag him down. Every night I sob and I can't even stop it anymore. I am beyond tired of being alive. I just want people to talk to, which is the hardest thing to ask for.",-0.9779,negative,lonely 3385,depressed,I'm so lonely,listener_1,2,"Its not hard to make friends. Its hard to find the right one. I sorry to hear about situation. That could have been destroy me completely I were in your place. You're a tough girl and you know it. Feel free to start a chat with , we can talk about anything. And everything will be good at the end. Trust me!",0.8170000000000001,positive,sympathizing 3385,depressed,I'm so lonely,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, I didn’t reply last night but your comment and the others made me feel a bit better about the position I’m in. Thank you",0.8338,positive,grateful 3385,depressed,I'm so lonely,listener_1,4,Glad that I could help ☺️,0.8271,positive,grateful 3386,depressed,I’ve tried really hard but I can’t stop hating myself,speaker,1,I’ve done all the cliche: -people don’t hate you stop thinking that -nobody cares what you look like they r too busy worrying about themselves -don’t compete against others and not even yourself just do the bets YOU can -be confident being alone you don’t need friends to be happy- so I’ve started hanging out doing things I wanna do and I feel great. -etc etc I’ve implemented all of the above and although I begin to feel better for a little while it all comes back to me feeling like complete utter shit. I don’t feel like I can go on. What’s wrong with me? Is this normal? P.S I’m not clinically diagnosed with depression nor do I think I have the right to even say I may have that as I haven’t experience some of the hardships others have. I just don’t know wherelese to go :(,0.667,positive,content 3387,depressed,Depressed af,speaker,1,"Soooooo.. i met this girl and shes kinda cute i confessed and she confessed too and said that she really liked me, but then i realized i had to go to paris with my parents and i dont think i'll be able to see her again pls help.",0.7845,positive,neutral 3387,depressed,Depressed af,listener_1,2,"After being in a relationship that had us on different continents for over 2 years, I would not recommend it. However, if you do really like her and she really likes you, go for it. Do what you need to do to talk and see her as much as possible. We would video call multiple times a week and would spend like 4 hours sometimes just talking. If that is the route you want to go, it will be extremely hard on both of you but when you do see each other again, all that stress will pretty much disappear.",0.294,positive,trusting 3387,depressed,Depressed af,speaker,3,Thanks so much for the advice,0.4404,positive,sympathizing 3388,depressed,Having a fairly bad day today,speaker,1,"Wanted to kill myself, but too afraid to do it. Pathetic, right?",-0.836,negative,apprehensive 3388,depressed,Having a fairly bad day today,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3388,depressed,Having a fairly bad day today,speaker,3,Shut up. Bad bot,-0.5423,negative,angry 3389,depressed,never sober,speaker,1,i hate going through life sober. i can barely do it anymore. if im not drunk or high i just wanna off myself and cant get my brain to stfu.,-0.3948,negative,lonely 3389,depressed,never sober,listener_1,2,"NAD but i think meds would help. Alcohol and drugs are just self medicating so it tells me you need some regulated drugs, the right drugs. For me, meds make the world of difference and make me feel like and be more ""me""",0.7783,positive,neutral 3389,depressed,never sober,speaker,3,take those too. just make me feel like a zombie though,0.3612,positive,agreeing 3389,depressed,never sober,listener_1,4,"Then its not the right ones for you. And you cant taje with drugs or alcohol or it will affect the way they work negatively. For me, i take 150mg of zoloft daily, which is pretty mild on the spectrum of these types of drugs. It doesnt make me feel like a zombie at all. Then if things get really bad, i take 1mg of klonapin as needed. My life has also gotten a lot better over the last few years and thst has helped a lot but i still need meds. But of course we dont always have control over the things that make our lives suck. Can you go back to your doctor and ask for something else? Zoloft is common, it works for a lot of people and its relatively safe.",0.3407,positive,faithful 3389,depressed,never sober,speaker,5,zoloft made me sick all the time and way more suicidal,-0.8439,negative,apprehensive 3389,depressed,never sober,listener_1,6,"Also, this passage from the Bible has helped me a lot. ""How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, 'I have overcome him,' and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord ’s praise, for he has been good to me."" Psalms 13:1‭-‬6",0.9836,positive,hopeful 3389,depressed,never sober,listener_1,7,Oh really oh no im sorry to hear about that. But can you see your doctir again to see what meds are rught fir you? Also are you seeing a counselor? What do *you* think will help?,0.5364,positive,sympathizing 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,speaker,1,wake up > go to school > have terrible anxiety with grades and people > come home > get incredibly depressed and lonely > be bored > repeat... i’m gonna post a longer story for some support later,-0.861,negative,neutral 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,listener_1,2,same lmao,0.5994,positive,neutral 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,speaker,3,right! and now corona lmao,0.636,positive,agreeing 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,listener_1,4,i’m in michigan and schools around me are shutting down so i can only hope that mine gets shut down too,0.4404,positive,consoling 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,speaker,5,"i mean i would love no school, but then we might have classes during the summer",0.25,positive,neutral 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,listener_1,6,i don’t think they would make us make up school if it’s a global epidemic. depends on the district probably,0.0,neutral,agreeing 3390,depressed,my life in a flash,speaker,7,yah. but then again i’ll be lonely lol,0.1154,positive,neutral 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,speaker,1," My name is Nick. I am 15 years old and live in Minnesota. I currently attend park center senior high school... I'm here to tell my story and hopefully get some insight into my life and hear your opinions. Last year I confessed to my parents that I think I have anxiety. I realized this while doing some research on how I feel living life over the 2018 summer. even then I wasn't sure but I figured she should know because it would start affecting,y daily life. I would always have a high heart rate even know I'm a runner. When I went in for my doctor's appointment I took that GAD (general anxiety disorder) she later came back and basically said I have severe anxiety with a mild depressive episode. She started me on 20mg of Fluoxetine, the normal starting dose for kids. So after a while, I noticed that these meds were effecting me differently, my friends were asking if I was okay because they say ""I seem different"". I didn't feel different at the time but I thought about it for the next few days. I noticed I was ALWAYS tired. I was never motivated to do anything. I would be the guy to watch my friends do something really fun and be happy for them, but I would be in the corner. So I started taking double my dose after I researched if my body could handle it. (max dose of fluoxetine is 80mg). so I was taking 40mg of fluoxetine per day) now the doc told me it might cause some tiredness so I always took it at night. after a little while of 40mg, I was still fucked up. I was getting more and more depressed and less and less anxiety. I was getting suicidal and had my phase with self-harm. So recently (maybe a month or 2) ago I asked my mom to make a 2nd appointment for my mental health. after conversing with my doctor about how I feel and telling her I've been taking double the dose, she said that we were gonna keep my dose off fluoxetine with 40mg per day to control the anxiety, and introduce a small dose of Wellbutrin to help with the depression. now Wellbutrin was supposed to perk me up a little and not be tired, so I had high hopes. After a little while on these new drugs (again, month or so) I notice that I am experiencing terrible anxiety when I'm at school and as soon as I get home, I'm fine for like an hour then I just get incredibly depressed. it's been bad. I've tried to keep my head up and not fall back down so I've researched ""safer"" ways to cause my body harm and still get the pain I need. things like snapping a rubber band on my wrist to the point where it is red and swells up, and also sticking ice on my wrist and leaving it there, this causes pain to the arm and can ""burn"". (yes, an ice burn is a thing). I've just been really pissed with the school system lately too because they really teach us the least important shit that we will never use. like yeah, i get they are teaching us to learn but teach us with the important stuff. like I'm mature enough, I can learn about taxes and mortgages and stuff. I need that extra challenge to keep me busy, but with my anxiety, my grades do not represent my smarts, so I stay in lower-level classes bored and depressed. I mean you might even be able to tell I'm smarter by the way I write this letter. I'm in 9th grade... cmon now. &#x200B; What should I do? I'm going to the doc in 2 weeks. what should I tell her? Thank you all, I really appreciate it. -Nick",-0.9876,negative,trusting 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,listener_1,2,I really don’t know what you should tell her and I know this is really cliché but I hope you get better soon bro <3,0.8271,positive,consoling 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,speaker,3,"yes, first off thank you. that was great. i participate in skiing and running with my school but i’m starting to lose interest in them, also i’m joining lacrosse this year and am exited for that. :)",0.8625,positive,acknowledging 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,speaker,4,"i really feel like i’m not experiencing that bad of anxiety, i’ve herd some terrible story’s and i mean, i’m still having anxiety but i don’t think it’s enough for a psychiatrist, and i forgot to mention the whole therapy thing, i’m seeing him once every 3 weeks right now. probably gonna up that now",0.0166,neutral,neutral 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,listener_2,5,"Hey Nick, I’m a 15 year old girl from Georgia, and I’m going through similar stuff right now. Anxiety is a really hard thing to handle. I suffer with crowd anxiety, social anxiety, and anxiety of loud noises due to my mothers abusive yelling. I’m still dealing with some stuff but what I’ve found helps me is having someone to know what’s going on and be there for you to talk to. I have an online friend who we’ve been helping each other get through our problems. believe you can get through this and find someone to rely on, even if it’s simply an online friend you like to play with.",0.9001,positive,trusting 3391,depressed,Hey. Help.,listener_3,6,You need to see a psychiatrist for your medication. Just like you see a dermatologist for a rash. Get your prescription from someone who is an expert in that field. Your GP just knows a little about a lot of stuff. It has nothing to do with how bad your anxiety is.,-0.6597,negative,trusting 3392,depressed,Hi! Please help. In-patient treatment for depression?,speaker,1,"Hi! I’m sorry if this isn’t the place to ask this but I need help. I live in Brooklyn, NY. My roommate is severely depressed and we may decide it’s best for her to admit herself into a psychiatric in treatment program for depression. Her only family member is an extreme source of her depression and her whole life has refused to acknowledge, let alone pay for, her depression. I know I thankfully have about $10,000 I can use to spend towards her care (though if I do spend it on her, I would rather not spend it all on in treatment care but instead a portion on her care when she returns). How much do hospitalizations typically cost? What are the steps I can take in the meantime to make the best decision, both for her health and financially? Are there resources, like types of programs, hotlines or facilities, I should be aware of? I know I would like a program where can be prescribed medication if it’s decided that’s be good. I do not know what exact insurance she has but it is a private insurance plan. Obviously if she must go into debt to save her life, then it’s beyond worth the risk but debt is a scary reality for someone who is already hurting. Thank you for any advice or thoughts you may be willing to give.",0.8549,positive,sympathizing 3392,depressed,Hi! Please help. In-patient treatment for depression?,listener_1,2,"sorry I don't know anything about hospitalization costs or anything, but I just want to say that you're a great person for helping someone in need. I hope your friend heals soon, and I hope you find a suitable solution.",0.9769,positive,sympathizing 3392,depressed,Hi! Please help. In-patient treatment for depression?,speaker,3,"Thank you, that’s very kind of you to take a moment to post that here. It helps me feel less alone and it makes me tear up. It’s very hard for me too.",0.4019,positive,sentimental 3392,depressed,Hi! Please help. In-patient treatment for depression?,listener_1,4,"no problem fam, if you ever need someone to vent to shoot me a message:)",-0.0366,neutral,acknowledging 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,speaker,1,"Bear with me this is a bit of a long story. Il make my introduction quick. I’m a 15 year old girl from urban Georgia attending a fairly prestigious high school. I wouldn’t say my life has been particularly tough...except the past few years. In the past few years I’ve had to leave my 9 year long friends and go to a different school, form new friendships, only for them to be broken again when I had to go to another new school because my parents believed it was best. In 7th grade(first year at school number 3) I found out that my mother had developed a drinking problem and had started abusing my father, who never hit her back even though all her abuse. It shook me to my core that someone I trusted so much could simply turn into a monster...I was and still am scared of her. I became withdrawn socially because run my mind “why should I trust more random people around me when they will either leave me behind or could become like my mother.” I fell into a depressive state. I would dig my nails into my wrist to stop myself from crying everyday. Every night I was up til midnight or later, listening to my mother yell at my father for thing he had never done, hearing her throw all sorts of shit against the walls, and finding dents in the morning. I lived in constant fear basically, but 8th grade was when I hit rock bottom. My mother abuse became more physical, she threw a large lamp at him, slapped him in the face with shaving cream when he was sleeping, threw and broke multiply glasses, and scratched whore into the side of two of our cars...one of which I’ll be driving. She had accused him of sleeping with a much MUCH younger co-worker (she was like 20 and he’s in his late forties) which she had no evidence nor reason to believe, because whenever I asked her why she thought that she just said “he is”. She also became a bit abusive towards me, yelling at me for minor things. I became a soulless empty husk all of 8th grade. I honestly don’t remember much since I was a walking mindless zombie. I considered suicide multiply times that year, even thinking about the most painless and quick way to do it. There was a night I was so close to doing it but didn’t have the guts to leave my old sister and father who I both loved so much, behind. I continued to dig my nail into my arm, I started punching my leg and or banging my head on a wall when I was in a bad state. I also started cutting up my arm with my nails, which were pretty long and once cut my leg up with an exacto knife...I hated everything about myself, I couldn’t look myself in the mirror with out sobbing, I had a 2-3 supportive friends at dance, but no one at school had any idea. I faked a quiet smile throughout the whole year. I stopped going to lunch and at a snack in the bathroom. I became unable to handle being in crowds or loud noises (because of my moms yelling I’ve also developed a fear of yelling and have to calm myself down). Beginning 9th grade I slowly started to get better, I began talking to and reaching out to a bit more people at school, which was pretty difficult and took many tries to even speak to others. My sister realized what was going on and had been helping me, I got a bit closer with my sister close friends too. I still struggled at feeling useless and I hated watching myself dance even though I’m at a pre professional level, I forgot to mention earlier but I dance 5-6 days a week 9am-5pm on Saturdays and am a soloist in my student company, but i have become a bit more comfortable with my looks. I’ve remember the first time I genuinely laughed since 7th grade. I wasn’t close friends with anyone at school but I felt more comfortable commenting on people’s posts and texting them to ask questions. I stopped letting people take advantage of me ( people would ask for me to buy them food and then be like “omg you are so my best friend thank you so much!!” ). I’m still healing and have many scars. My father snapped and told me mother he wants a divorce, he attitude changed completely once she realized he was serious, because she knew I would want to go with him and she cleaned up her act trying to act all nice and buy me things so I would break him more than she ever could but I didn’t and simply pushed back at her. I’m no longer scared of my mother, she’s raise me to be intelligent which sucks for her cause I now can fight back with legitimate facts and reason, I can now stand up for myself and am not afraid to yell at her at the top of my lungs. I would say I’m okay. But I’m not. My sister is leaving for collage and I’m scared since she has been my main support leg. My dance studio is falling apart and all three of my other support legs, my best friends in the world. Are ll moving away to pursue dance at a non toxic studio( whole different story there ). I’m getting shaken up again because like I said earlier, I have a bit of a fear of people leaving me behind, and all my support legs are slipped just as I’m trying to build new ones. I’m so scared of what’s gonna happen, I’m scared of falling back into depression, I want to live but sometimes it doesn’t seem worth it still to this day. I’m scared please help. Everything I’ve done and fought through feels like it’s crumbling and I feel like im gonna retreat back into my shell. I know this was long but I have no other place to turn to and would appreciate some advice.",0.9664,positive,sad 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,listener_1,2,"That was a lot to take at your age. You are a strong soul'. Would you like to be my friend ? As long as Internet stays I can assure I'll be by your side, with no bad intention. Deal?",0.9275,positive,faithful 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,listener_2,3,"Not ok. Do not hit on a 15 year old girl as a man in your 20s. Even if you made it seem like there were no other intentions, stop and consider this isn't right.",-0.2263,negative,faithful 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,speaker,4,"Thanks for the offer. I’m a little bit suspicious of people online, a bit non trusting I know. But thanks for letting me know I appreciate it",0.8621,positive,grateful 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,listener_1,5,Yeah I can understand. Do what best for you. You're a smart girl. Keep going on life. Best of luck 🤘🏻,0.946,positive,wishing 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,speaker,6,"It was worse for my dad, I’m doing alright it’s just scary to see someone you trusted turn into a different person because of alcohol",-0.29600000000000004,negative,devastated 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,listener_3,7,I could imagine,0.0,neutral,surprised 3393,depressed,I’m breaking and I don’t know what to do,speaker,8,"Thank you so much, I’ll be honest I’m crying right now, everyone on here is so nice. I love dance but I’m scared I’m disappointing everyone. Your words are helpful thank you",0.5705,positive,sentimental 3394,depressed,Anything else?,speaker,1,Aside from being prescribed medication is there anything else that works well for being consumed with negative thoughts? It's getting to the point to where I have trouble focusing at work and I have a hard time getting sleep because I can't shut my brain off long enough to get sleep and then I am exhausted at work all day.,-0.802,negative,questioning 3394,depressed,Anything else?,listener_1,2,"Try taking 2 Advil PMs to help you get to sleep, I have sever anxiety and it works for me",0.25,positive,agreeing 3394,depressed,Anything else?,speaker,3,"I might have to try that, my anxiety hasn't always been as bad as it has been recently.",-0.6369,negative,suggesting 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,1,"I’ve just been told by someone that they don’t consider my suicide attempt real because it wasn’t by a method that was more likely to work, it was an overdose that i’m now 6 months on from, still struggling everyday to cope with life and really believe its worth being here, don’t know how to even react after this conversation...",-0.73,negative,devastated 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,listener_1,2,your feelings and actions are completely valid don’t let anyone minimize what you felt or went through. you are valid !! glad you’re still here and i hope it gets better.,0.855,positive,agreeing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,3,"Thankyou so much! I'm glad I'm still here, I just feel sometimes like my degree of hurt in my brain isn't accepted, like I'm not allowed to actually feel that low, but thankyou, i appreciate you <3",0.461,positive,grateful 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,listener_1,4,omg dw i feel like i’m not allowed to either! but also ofc anytime! <3,0.3257,positive,neutral 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,5,"Thankyou, I really appreciate all the love and support i've had on this post :)",0.9168,positive,grateful 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,6,Thankyou so much! <3,0.0,neutral,wishing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,7,"I guess maybe it hurt more because recently i've been struggling again, so to be re-reminded that I'm still not seen as having real problems stings, but sadly that's the way the world is and I'm slowly coming to terms with that, thankyou so much for this message, I'm trying my best to be a fighter <3",0.0129,neutral,neutral 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,8,"It was a mix of sleeping pills and propranolol, I know, sadly this person just doesn't seem to realise the gravity of what happened :/",-0.6369,negative,agreeing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,listener_2,9,"I think it has a lot lower success rate than many other methods tbh, but that doesn’t mean it’s an invalid attempt I agree. People are too quick to assume things. Sometimes people are too scared to die by methods of firearms or a knife or just can’t get hold of certain things.",-0.5499,negative,agreeing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,10,"Yeah, I do understand that, I think even I didn't completely understand it till I went through it and understand what it feels like to be that low, I guess this conversation just hit a nerve a little bit, I try my best to consider people understanding it properly or not, but sometimes it's just really frustrating, thankyou!",-0.2918,negative,agreeing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,11,"Thankyou! I'm getting there slowly, i will do!",0.0,neutral,neutral 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,12,"I completely appreciate that and I do understand it from that perspective, but it was just said so flippantly, other methods have crossed my mind, I guess it ended up being that one because as you said, easily accessible.",0.6245,positive,neutral 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,13,"Literally? Your brain is a powerful organ which makes it intimidating when it can overpower even you sometimes, it's scary being in that position and feeling that way, it doesn't matter whether you were successful or not, your brain going to those depths is terrifying and i wouldn't wish it on anybody, thankyou, I hope you're doing okay now x",-0.0598,negative,acknowledging 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,listener_3,14,Get better my guy,0.4404,positive,disappointed 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,15,I bet thats a very overworked department!,0.0,neutral,acknowledging 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,speaker,16,Thankyou ❤️,0.0,neutral,wishing 3395,depressed,-TRIGGER WARNING- It wasn’t a “real” attempt apparently...,listener_4,17,unfortunately so,-0.34,negative,agreeing 3396,depressed,Im not sure what to do,speaker,1,"To start this off, Im a 16 year old in 10th grade. My girlfriend broke up with me a week before my 9th grade year. We dated for about a year and a half. It was also the same day I was diagnosed with depression. I was at my lowest and I wasnt sure what to do. I was extremely unmotivated to the point taking a shower and changing the sheets on my bed were a struggle. As of recently, we both moved on, but the suicidal tendencies continued. I haven't self harmed, but there were times where i was close to. I've been biting my nails as a coping mechanism. The closest I've got to hurting myself was when I pressed a knife against my leg and dragged it across lightly. Ever since the breakup, I been to the hospital twice or more because of a stomach virus and it evoked my fear of vomiting/choking but of food in general. I stopped eating regularly and started purposely starving myself. I couldnt have a full meal without having a small anxiety attack about it afterwards. After doing a bit of research, I realized I might have Avoidant/ Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (AFRID). My family noticed the change in the way I was eating, but instead of helping me, they liked to tease me. I've opened up to my history teacher about my issues which led me to have a mental breakdown in front of him twice. He told me i needed to talk to my parents about it, but I couldn't do it. I love my parents a lots, but I've closed my emotions off from them. I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to them about this but I feel okay talking to strangers about it. Maybe a part of the problem was that I was beat as a kid, but I'm not exactly sure. Maybe about last month, my mom told me that my dad isn't really my dad and that my real father wanted me aborted. Ive been feeling unwanted and worthless even more ever since then. I want to get help with my problems but I dont know how to do it. I just want it all stop. I want to stop feeling like this.",-0.9881,negative,lonely 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,speaker,1,"I've been depressed since I was a little boy. Abusive family with no friends along with constant bullying and teasing. The past 3 years were getting slowly better. Everything the past 6 months have been fantastic! Up and coming me and the lady's 3rd year, school going better, finally losing weight, everything just felt better. Then... since the last 2 weeks have been shitty. I can see it when she talks to me she's disinterested. Hasn't texted me in those 2 weeks, along with her seeming distant since Valentine's Day, but I didn't wanna believe it. School has been getting harder since people don't seem interested in talking to me. Not even the one teacher who enjoyed my company. Both my parents enjoy the company of my sisters better since they got kids. They don't talk with me ever anymore. Everything feels like it's falling apart and I feel like I did something wrong. 2nd night of sleeping alone and I hate it. That pain in my gut of being alone has come back and I hate it. I look in the mirror and I hate it. I think she might be ready to leave me. Everyone else has lost faith in me or has dropped any sort of relationship so why stick around me? I've been staring at my gun the past few nights waiting for her to tell me she's leaving. Wake up to either a note in my room or a text. I'm about to lose everything and I just want to cry and end it because it feels like I somehow fucked everything up with family and friends and I don't wanna be alone again with nothing. I attempted suicide a few months before meeting her. Ever since I had her in my life I never wanted to. I feel like if she leaves and that connection is gone I might just snap. I know it stupid but I needed to let it out even if nobody reads my stupid post.",-0.9741,negative,disappointed 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,listener_1,2,"bruh, you should play some Dungeons & Dragons",0.34,positive,suggesting 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,speaker,3,Never been into those kind of games. Plus... don't you need more then one person for that?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,listener_1,4,"Yeah. You'd be forced to step out of your comfort zone and meet new people. Could be good for your depression. If you find out that you like the genre / experience of playing, you can try your hand at being a Dungeon Master and creating your own stories or running pre-made stories. It could be a creative outlet for you. Whenever I'm feeling depressed, I find that creating a new story for my players puts me in a much better place.",0.9153,positive,acknowledging 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,speaker,5,"Maybe I'll have a look into it. Just gotta find the motivation for it after a little while. Usually going out and taking pictures calms me a little, but haven't been out in a few days since I've been busy with schoolwork",0.3291,positive,suggesting 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,listener_1,6,"Look at D&D 5th edition, hugely popular right now.",0.4754,positive,joyful 3397,depressed,I feel like all my progress is failing.,speaker,7,I'll do that. Thank you my man (love the name).,0.7717,positive,grateful 3398,depressed,Suicide Hotlines (Read this or depression rate will keep increasing internationally.),speaker,1,"Here are the hotlines to cure depression, or to avoid commission of suicide (thanks u/hotlinehelpbot for the numbers): USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.8689,negative,questioning 3398,depressed,Suicide Hotlines (Read this or depression rate will keep increasing internationally.),listener_1,2,Are you serious? It won’t “cure” depression. These hotlines may save some people but others are just in too deep to keep going. Telling them to live when living and breathing just hurts them immensely is torture. I should know. Being placed in hospitals and seeking multiple therapists haven’t helped and it’s only made me want to die more and more.,-0.9501,negative,sad 3398,depressed,Suicide Hotlines (Read this or depression rate will keep increasing internationally.),listener_2,3,I understand you mate. I have been in too many dark places but I will not give up for people who are suffering like me or even worse I have multiple jobs but I do everything in my power to save me and others. Don't get upset about hotlines they might not help everyone like you said but they do decrease some pain people might have little by little we all can share it and leave in in the past.,-0.7562,negative,agreeing 3398,depressed,Suicide Hotlines (Read this or depression rate will keep increasing internationally.),listener_1,4,"I know, I was just upset at the ignorance of saying that depression will be “cured” by a phone call",-0.8316,negative,agreeing 3398,depressed,Suicide Hotlines (Read this or depression rate will keep increasing internationally.),listener_2,5,It's ok mate just don't let the anger get the better of you and stay true to your emotions don't let anyone tell you what is right and wrong we make our own paths xD Good luck and Have Fun on your journey mate.,0.9628,positive,wishing 3399,depressed,Things I find really helpful for living with depression,speaker,1,"1. Engaging with like-minded people about specific interests, reading away from town centre 2. Disengaging myself and leaving all groups in my local area.✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅♥️♥️♥️♥️ 3. Staying away from negative people✅✅✅ 4. Listening to music, watching Netflix and catch up tv✅✅✅✅✅✅ 5. Engaging with indoor activities with safe places in my home ✅✅✅✅ 6. Not being too worried or concerns if I miss stuff. Oh well who cares. It will come again tomorrow or in a few weeks✅✅♥️✅♥️✅ 7. Keeping my iPhone off throughout the day, why have it on when you don’t get many texts?✅♥️✅♥️✅♥️✅♥️✅♥️✅ 8. Having peace and quiet moments ✅✅♥️✅♥️✅♥️✅♥️ 9. Having days, weeks or months with limited company ✅✅✅✅✅✅ 10. I could easily feel better if the care quality commission/police raided the local adult support group /art cafe after all of the awful crap that happened. I am sure Kelly telling people people with depression to end their lives and allowing her to attend every week is strictly against policies and procedures... hmmm I should I know I am trained social worker for ffs. A perfect life for me is very calm, relaxing but also engaging with the right people 👍🤔😊😊 Bad days Having to go somewhere stressful and not very meaningful to me Having to turn up to places I often don’t care about Too many deadlines, not enough time to complete them Laura and Kelly (from art cafe, I hate those two people)",0.9941,positive,faithful 3399,depressed,Things I find really helpful for living with depression,listener_1,2,Wow a actual responsible person! All I do is cut myself and constantly use my phone.,0.6476,positive,ashamed 3399,depressed,Things I find really helpful for living with depression,listener_2,3,What The Heck You guys all need help there,0.4019,positive,acknowledging 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,1,"It's been almost 3 years since I have gained a significant amount of weight. Starting today though, I am going on a food strike. No food, only water for a week and gradually will increase the days until I've seen significant improvement. I'm hope only to do this for a week and a half and gradually start adding foods back in and increasing my walk time. Other than that, I'm sick and tired of hearing from other people how I've let myself go. That I'm not attractive because I'm fat.",0.2718,positive,ashamed 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,listener_1,2,wanna do it together?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,3,F**k yeah....,0.29600000000000004,positive,agreeing 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,4,If I did the subtract the 200 Cals I'd literally be down to 0 calories lol. I already eat so little. But yeah I'm going to be doing muscle training and walking a lot gradually. But if I don't lose the weight because of this thyroid I'm going to be pissed. But thanks for the encouragement.,0.8082,positive,angry 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,listener_2,5,"I'm sure you aren't eating just 200 calories a day. You'd be anorexic and actually look it because your body would be starving itself to death from lack of nutrients. Actually try to keep track using an app like My Fitness Pal. And if you had a diagnosable issue with your thyroid, a doctor would have you on medication to control it and you could speak to them about weight loss.",-0.6597,negative,agreeing 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,listener_3,6,"Yeah man. Remember you can’t live a healthy life if you’re not eating healthy. And I don’t mean that in a ‘health nut’ way but you should start creating a better eating pattern. Eating less that 1000 calories a day brings up so many health, hormonal, and nutrient problems let alone 200 calories a day. Push through man",0.3444,positive,agreeing 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,7,"I'll do my best, thanks Billy .. and aye I have so many problems already but I'll try to stay disciplined.",0.3738,positive,neutral 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,8,For me it's the dumb thyroid and I got my gallbladder taken out 3 years ago. But idk if the gallbladder thing is related.,-0.4118,negative,neutral 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,listener_4,9,"I had a thyroid problem and I got blood work a few months ago and they said my levels are normal, so that’s not what’s causing me to gain weight and not be able to lose it. Well I hope everything goes well for you",0.6249,positive,encouraging 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,10,:( damn that has to suck... I hope we can all lose a little weight.,-0.8074,negative,consoling 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,speaker,11,I have to go slow on exercise because of my spine issues.,0.0,neutral,sad 3400,depressed,Weight Gain,listener_5,12,Then go slow on it. Just do some without hurting you,0.3089,positive,neutral 3401,depressed,Who wanna check out my song and support me,speaker,1,I’m an artist and I just dropped a song on Friday on major music stores and it’s talking bout me making my heartbreaks and failed relationships look like a blessing for me to focus on my grind ( what I wanna do in life ) and not giving up on my dreams .... anyone interested in checking it out can inbox me for the link to the song .,0.4523,positive,hopeful 3401,depressed,Who wanna check out my song and support me,listener_1,2,"I would like to hear it, and keep going!",0.4199,positive,encouraging 3401,depressed,Who wanna check out my song and support me,speaker,3,Inbox me for the link .,0.0,neutral,questioning 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,speaker,1,"My life feels like TV static. I can't tell what's real or not. I'm so afraid of everything I'm constantly thinking of things and it's so scary. Somedays I can feel, and on those days I feel an overwhelming feeling of sadness and pain. Somedays I can't feel, and I'm just empty, broken and numb. I don't know anything anymore. Everything that makes me happy doesn't make me happy anymore. I can't tell you the amount of times I think about ending it all, it's every day because my life feels like a nightmare. I'm so afraid of ending it all but at the same time it'll be a way to let go of all the pain I have to carry. I just wish I was ok.",-0.7655,negative,lonely 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,listener_1,2,"I can relate to this a lot. I understand what you're going through. I've been in this position many times, hang on there! Have you ever sought professional help?",0.4574,positive,agreeing 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,listener_1,3,"You didn't answer but i want to add it anyways, if you sought professional help and already tried medications, maybe it's because of the process of finding the right medications. It takes time to find the right ones for you. If therapies doesn't seem helpful, try seeing another therapist. Are you sure that you are not misdiagnosed?",0.6062,positive,suggesting 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,speaker,4,"yes I'm going to a therapist and taking meds, they help but not that much",0.4019,positive,agreeing 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,listener_1,5,What's your diagnose? Which type of depression you have?,-0.6199,negative,questioning 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,speaker,6,clinical depression as well as anxiety,-0.5106,negative,afraid 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,listener_1,7,"Do you think something is missing in your diagnose? Like other unusual symptoms than clinical depression. Bipolar disorder (type 2) also has symptoms of clinical depression and it gets misunderstood by professionals as major or clinical depression and it makes it harder to treat. I want you to do a research for yourself. If not, if it's 100% clinical depression, then like i already mentioned, maybe you should change your therapist or talk with your doctor about meds. Just try to change your situation. Don't give up bud, i know everything seems harder right now but just be patient for everything to work out for you ❤️",-0.8009999999999999,negative,suggesting 3402,depressed,I feel empty and numb,speaker,8,"thank you so much, i will try to do some research on my own. i definitely do have some symptoms of other mental illnesses but im not exactly sure if i have it. ill have to ask my doctor for a proper diagnosis. but thank you 💖",0.8024,positive,neutral 3403,depressed,What now?,speaker,1,"I feel guilty for thinking of myself during a time where people are suffering and dying. I’m sorry. But I don’t know what do do anymore. I’m a freshman in college and Ive been going through a lot of different shitty things all at once, and I was at a really really low point. But finally about two weeks ago I reached a point where I felt like everything might be okay, for the first time in months. I realized that I had found my place, I had met friends like never before, who I trusted and loved and felt more connected to than any other friends I’ve ever had. But then the entire world gets sent home from college. My high school friends and I have grown apart and are still friendly, but I miss the closeness we used to have. Not gonna lie, I’m a little hurt by it, as I tried to keep close contact with my best friends, but their lifestyles rightfully took them in different places and now I feel like our old circle of friends has divided into groups, none of which I fit into. I’m just an outlier, liked well enough by all of them but not needed or really considered. I don’t want to be like “no one likes me” because that’s not the case, they do like me. But I feel like they kind of forgot about me. We’re all in different places now, and now I’m just stuck at home like it’s high school all over again, but this time I’m without my friends. I feel like I have no one. All I do is sit at home and lay in bed, and I will for weeks or months to come. I don’t know what to do.",0.9959,positive,ashamed 3403,depressed,What now?,listener_1,2,"I don't know what to do either. I'm in junior year high school and my school just cancelled for the next 2 weeks and I feel like I have nowhere to go. I could invite some friends over, but that always winds up feeling like a chore. I feel like my friends are slowly drifting away from me. one of my friends is barely in school due to social issues and my other friend spends most of his time walking through the halls with his girlfriend. I don't know what to do besides lay on the ground and breathe. I really want to make a post but I'm afraid everyone will think I'm suicidal. I don't want my life cut short just because of a few shitty moments. I want a long and beautiful life and not one spent going insane inside of a smelly and dark apartment. I feel like my freedom and childhood and youth is fading away before my very eyes. I can't help but feel like my teen years are going by like a freight train. I just want someone to hear this.",0.9783,positive,lonely 3403,depressed,What now?,speaker,3,"I hear you and I know exactly how you’re feeling. You’re not alone, I promise you that. It’s a really unexpected and just plain weird situation that nobody ever thought they’d have to see. Being forced away from the one thing that makes socializing so accessible.",-0.5302,negative,agreeing 3404,depressed,I'm afraid to show my emotions,speaker,1,"I feel like every year that goes by I'm more and more afraid to show my emotions. I feel like I'm behind a mask and I just smile and look pretty just so that I can get through a conversation. I want to show my emotions here and not be judged. I'm a Junior in high school and I now have 2 weeks off. I'm attracted to this girl in my English class and I'm worried that I'm never going to see her again. I never really talked to her and she never really talked to me. I don't want to miss a chance to get to know her. There's no real solution now and I've thought of everything. My school friends are not helping either. I feel like they are slowly drifting away. Most of my friends I originally made in 8th grade are either gone, or have broken off due to disagreements. My only two remaining friends are slowly drifting away. One of them is no longer in school most of the time due to social issues and my other friend now spends most of his time with his girlfriend. I'm not blaming them for their social issues or having a girlfriend, I just feel like I'm being spoiled by saying that my friends are starting to not care about me. I just want to lie on the ground and breathe right now. I don't want my life to get cut short just because of a few shitty moments. I want to go back to 8th grade when responsibilities like applying for college and driving weren't there and my friend group was actually there for me. This is the first time I've felt depressed and it really started hitting me hard in January and it's been on and off ever since. I don't want to invite friends over because then it feels like a chore to talk and not just do my own thing. I can't make new friends now because I'm trapped in my house. I just want someone who can be there for me (and I can be there for them). I just want someone sweet who can make me feel sweet and not just smile and look good for the camera and follow instructions. I just want to talk to someone without it feeling like an interrogation. I feel like I'm inside a shell.",0.9747,positive,ashamed 3404,depressed,I'm afraid to show my emotions,listener_1,2,"Hey, I’m sorry to hear that. I also can say that I know how it feels to be lonely, I too feel like I can’t fully express my emotions. High school is a time of people discovering themselves and maybe that’s why your friends drifted apart. You will fall in and out of friendships often. I know this next part may or may not help. But hey, you’re almost finished with school, just one more year and soon you’ll be able to move on to new things in life. This feeling isn’t forever, hold on and be strong :) If you ever want to talk, feel free to",0.9542,positive,sympathizing 3404,depressed,I'm afraid to show my emotions,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, If I ever break down again I'll know that someone is fine with me talking to them.",0.5106,positive,grateful 3404,depressed,I'm afraid to show my emotions,listener_1,4,"You’re welcome, always glad to help",0.8271,positive,acknowledging 3405,depressed,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???????,speaker,1,PLEASE JUST HELP ME,0.6124,positive,consoling 3405,depressed,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???????,listener_1,2,What's up?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3405,depressed,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???????,listener_2,3,"OP is a troll. Proof: https://www.reddit.com/r/KindVoice/comments/ddf5bn/l_please_be_kind_to_me/f2gib00/ Someone continues to call herself his friend, which negates the premise of his constant spamming and trolling. He told her some ridiculous stories that you should not also buy: https://www.reddit.com/r/MeetPeople/comments/eo0nn7/chat_talk_to_me/fe6ow17/",-0.34,negative,annoyed 3405,depressed,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???????,listener_3,4,Don't message OP. Well known troll.,-0.2057,negative,agreeing 3405,depressed,WHY WONT ANYONE HELP ME???????,listener_4,5,ok,0.29600000000000004,positive,impressed 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,1,"I feel so alone, i’ll think “why does no one care about me?” but maybe its better this way, i don’t deserve love or attention...",0.8140000000000001,positive,lonely 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_1,2,"You definitely do deserve love and attention. And I’m sure plenty of people care so much about you! I’m always here to help out and talk if you’d like as well, because I always care.",0.969,positive,agreeing 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,3,"thank you for the reply! but it’s okay i don’t want to bother you or anyone with my problems, so i just write how i feel on here to at least get it out of my system.",-0.5255,negative,neutral 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,4,"my best is not enough, its still a failure. I’m sorry but i dont think its coming for me, but thank you anyways. I hope your day or night is great.",0.9331,positive,sympathizing 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,5,"thanks, but don’t waste your energy on me. I don’t to burden anyone with my problems. I hope your day or night is great.",0.4588,positive,encouraging 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,6,"ive gotten used to having no one a bit by now, maybe its a sign i don’t deserve. But for you someone will be there, just wait patiently!",-0.2244,negative,suggesting 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,7,"thank you but it’s okay, tbh i don’t think anyone will. i’ll have to come to terms with it at some point, might as well start now",0.6956,positive,neutral 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,8,"no i understand, i get it",-0.29600000000000004,negative,agreeing 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,9,"yeah thats probably true , thanks but i dont think anyones coming. plus i don’t deserve it, not even from myself so in the end no love.",-0.2737,negative,neutral 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_1,10,"Well I promise that you won’t be bothering me one bit, so please feel free to talk to me anytime, I’m always here for you. But I think it is good to get it out of your system and talk about it. Have you tried going to a therapist maybe and handling stuff that way?",0.8190000000000001,positive,questioning 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_2,11,"we don’t have to talk abt your problems if you don’t want to- or we can, it makes no difference to me. i’ve been through what you’ve been through, i can help. let me help you",0.2023,positive,agreeing 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_3,12,Why wouldn't you deserve it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_4,13,Even flowers grow in the cracks of sidewalk my love,0.6369,positive,grateful 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,14,i just... don’t,0.0,neutral,neutral 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,15,i go to therapy but i dont really mention any of this stuff,0.0,neutral,neutral 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_1,16,"Well maybe you should mention this stuff, it is important that your therapist knows everything so they can help you as much as possible.",0.7063,positive,suggesting 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_3,17,There must be a reason why,0.0,neutral,jealous 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,18,"im kind of scared to, i dont really want people i know and see regularly knowing about this stuff. I don’t really like opening up alot so i bottle them all in until i end up on here just rambling.",-0.2117,negative,apprehensive 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_1,19,"Well you don’t have to be scared to, I’m sure your therapist and even others you know will understand what you’re feeling and going through. You can trust your therapist with anything, Theres a reason everything is confidential and stuff when you talk to them. I used to bottle everything up until I’d blow up and lose myself sometimes, so I know it’s not good at all to hold it in, because you usually just end up hurting yourself more over it.",-0.3624,negative,trusting 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,20,i’ll try it out,0.0,neutral,suggesting 3406,depressed,lonely,listener_1,21,"Yeah for sure! Let me know how it goes. And like I said, I’m always here to help out and talk if you need.",0.8398,positive,agreeing 3406,depressed,lonely,speaker,22,i think i’m just not good enough to be loved i guess,0.3599,positive,sad 3407,depressed,Just a story,speaker,1,Alright so its 2020 the worst year ever for a lot of people. We have a pandemic on the loose that's spreading like wildfire. We all almost got to play team deathmatch in iran. There's also those minor things that don't happen to everybody like a loss in the family or getting dumped and all that good stuff. I've experienced all of those so far and its sucked but for some reason I haven't really been phased. maybe because I've bottled it all up and let it out when lifting weights or playing football. But the one thing that has messed me up the most has to being pushed away from one of the people you love most in this world. Yeah she's just a girl some average person but not to me. Its just she's amazing she's cute has a great personality and overall a fantastic person. We talked as freinds for a while then we started having crushs on each other and we talked liked we loved each other. She was the first person I felt something real with and it was going great we had talked about spending our lives together what it would be like if we had sex. What we would name our kids it was the best thing that happened to me. So after flirting for a month she told me that she loved me. I couldn't get the smile off my face. A week later she just quit talking to me like she use to and just would barley respond if I texted her. I asked her what was wrong she said she didn't like me anymore found some new guy. I told her as long as she's happy I'm happy and if she needs me I'm always here. Biggest Lie I've ever told. I just turned off my phone and fell on my bed thinking about all the good times we had. The times she had called me at 3am crying saying that her then boyfriend dumped her. I haven't cried in at least 3 years but at this point tears were rolling. Stayed in bed for at least a week didn't eat at all just kinda thought about her the whole time. Well we ran into each other at school started talking as friends figured out her and one of my best friends were dating. Just kinda died inside and froze up for a minute. So for the past month I've heard nothing but them saying that they love each other. The guy talking about her nudes and how hot she is. I've been unmotivated depressed and don't want to talk to anyone I know. But what can you say there's more fish in the sea she doesn't deserve you none of that's true as of now. There's my love life summed up for everybody this is gonna be my first post on reddit so whoever is reading this HEY!,0.9978,positive,lonely 3407,depressed,Just a story,listener_1,2,"Sorry to hear that buddy. I had kinda same experience with different girls back in the school. I'm 23 now had multiple relationship over the years. With last one I had a real chemestry, we stayed for long 3 years but ended. I suggest you to start all over it with someone else. You're keep drowning in your pain nobody's Savin you.",-0.6808,negative,sympathizing 3407,depressed,Just a story,speaker,3,Thank you. My cousin introduced me to some girl she new and we kinda hit it off. I talked with some friends last night and I'm feeling a little better about myself. So I think I'm kinda doggie paddling out of this situation.,0.8275,positive,content 3407,depressed,Just a story,listener_1,4,Thats really great. Go on give it a shot,0.659,positive,acknowledging 3408,depressed,My Depressions Driving Me Crazy,speaker,1,"Lately my head's been all over the place. I can barely ever get any sleep cause I have REALLY bad nightmares that make me scream at night and sometimes even makes me have an anxiety attack. I've lost most of my friends since I started going to Alternative School and because of that I barely ever hang out with anyone outside of school. And lastly, people have been saying I turned into an ***hole. I'm only being my true self. I've started to love myself more now since I changed the way I looked where I like it (long hair and gauges). I've even started being happier but now everything is spiraling downhill and I don't know what to do. I need some help pls Thanks for letting me vent, Mason",0.8695,positive,sad 3408,depressed,My Depressions Driving Me Crazy,listener_1,2,"When people change, others who knew the person may not like the changes. Who knows, maybe your true self is an asshole. I dont know you so I can't say. But if you are feeling more like yourself, you're happier, and you're not hurting anyone else then stay true. Maybe try making new friends, find clubs that interest you. You're going through a transition with a new school and new look so it may not be easy but give it time.",0.972,positive,suggesting 3408,depressed,My Depressions Driving Me Crazy,speaker,3,Thank you so much. That made my day a little better. I appreciate it alot,0.7609999999999999,positive,grateful 3409,depressed,The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is her.,speaker,1,"We’re half siblings. But we met too late in life to actually be siblings. She’s my best friend, my co-pilot, she may as well be my other half. Ironically, the thought that such a thing would destroy her only makes it worse. Cue the boot loop where I justify it, overthink it, regret something I haven’t done yet, and repeat.",0.0387,neutral,ashamed 3409,depressed,The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is her.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3409,depressed,The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is her.,speaker,3,"Yeah i left out the cause. Its a lot of things. Most of them are a result of choices that i made. For lack of a better way to say it, it all came together in the form of an existential crisis last summer. Basically i’ve been at war with myself over the rights and wrongs, and the what ifs of things that are now long past. There are just days where I feel like I’m stuck in the mud and everything is awful.",-0.8271,negative,sad 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,1,"If I got your attention then I'm telling you that "" you deserve to be loved. you've been through a lot and for that I respect you a lot"" stay blessed stay strong 🌈",0.9349,positive,faithful 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,listener_1,2,I fucking needed this. Thank you.,0.4947,positive,grateful 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,3,Happy to help. Stay strong!,0.8748,positive,wishing 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,4,You deserve it mate. Keep rocking the world🤘🏻,0.0,neutral,faithful 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,5,Happy to help mate. Stay blessed 💯,0.8834,positive,wishing 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,6,"Thanks mate I wish you the same. You know that thing, if you have been through a lot you can't see others suffering, thats working on me. I know I can't make a huge difference by posting this, but at least I'm here to tell ya that you're not alone and I'm here if ya all need, Stay strong! Better days are coming! 🌈",0.9336,positive,wishing 3410,depressed,I LOVE You,speaker,7,"If that made a little difference in your life, I'm really glad to help 💟",0.8874,positive,sympathizing 3410,depressed,What's the point,listener_2,1,"No one knows me on here which is good because to my family I try and keep it together but I have no idea what to do at this point. Like, I've been taking an SSRI for about 5 weeks now and feel no improvement and I have no idea how to word how I feel to dr's or counselors so whatever I do to help with depression I generally give up on after a while with no improvement. People just assume I'm handling it because I haven't failed university yet. I know I need to be able to talk better with my GP so I can get the medication right but for some reason, I can never find the right words.",-0.3689,negative,ashamed 3410,depressed,What's the point,listener_3,2,"Have you told them you have difficulty explaining it? If not you should definitely tell them about your worries. They can't always come up with the right questions either. Depression varies greatly person to person. Something that may help is to come up with a baseline. Find a way to describe a part of it and then let them know how or if it changes when the medicine changes. For example I have different problems with getting out of bed that let's me know how depressed I am. At my worst I cant get myself to wake up, then I can wake up but cant talk myself out of bed, then I can wake up but need to text my husband to convince myself out, and finally I can simply get up. (Sorry for all the thens). It's something that my doctor can understand and is based on my personal experience. It may not be that easy, but maybe your doctor can help? If you need more I can try to help you specifically, maybe talking about it will help. Feel free to message me or not.",0.7288,positive,questioning 3410,depressed,What's the point,listener_2,3,"Thank you for replying. No, I haven't told them. I'm not sure it may be better once I get used to seeing someone. But I'm just not sure because I'm kind of at the point where I can get stuff done but it's difficult and sometimes I just don't see the point of anything including life itself but that's just a constant feeling rather than a specific example and it doesn't sound that important when I compare it to what some people go through. But I may try your baseline idea it may provide a bit of perspective.",-0.5591,negative,apprehensive 3410,depressed,What's the point,listener_3,4,"That feeling is specific actually, and because it is constant you should definitely share that. Dont compare to other people, because this is all about you so everything is relevant. Something key when dealing with any doctor, mental or physical, is not to assume what is and isn't important. That is up to the doctor to decide, the good doctors would rather you tell them too much than not enough. A good example, I had a pain but only when I twisted my torso just so. Very very rarely ever happened and the pain was only a couple seconds (only once every couple of months). I went years without bringing it up, I didn't really give it much thought. Well it didn't go away one time, the pain was suddenly excruciating and I had to go to the hospital. Turned out I had gallstones so bad they had to remove my gallbladder. It may seem small, and you may be able to get by, but it could be the symptom of something bigger.",-0.968,negative,agreeing 3410,depressed,why,listener_4,1,"ugh i’m such a failure, seeing other peoples posts really have me kind of down rn... i was doing okay until a bit ago. should i just quit?? its not like i’ll reach my goal anyways, god why do i even try.",-0.6852,negative,sad 3410,depressed,why,listener_5,2,"Quitting because of other people’s post? Dont end your life in such a pathetic way. If you’re a failure in life, just find a new way to make your life not a failure, be an artist or just do something you’re good at doing.",-0.3395,negative,angry 3410,depressed,why,listener_4,3,"i didnt mean quitting life, i meant quitting what i was doing to get to my goal. Even if i hit my goal ill still be haunted by who i once was.",-0.7096,negative,neutral 3410,depressed,why,listener_4,4,i know i shouldnt but it just sucks seeing all the things i want visualized by someone else at the same age as me. Im just frustrated at myself for not starting my journey wayyy sooner. Im just frustrated thats all,-0.9186,negative,jealous 3410,depressed,why,listener_3,5,"Ah, I can completely understand that.",0.0,neutral,agreeing 3411,depressed,The demons can make suicide so tempting,speaker,1,"A friend of mine told me that and it's very true,all of you who thought of suicide and their death may relate to this. I'm scared guys like really scared of this life I'm 24yo from Algeria i graduated as an assistant in animal health altho i literally learned nothing, i have only did this format cause I did not graduate high school and wanted to escape military.i know it sounds silly to bitch about it here I have been going to therapy for over 2 years recently i have switched doctors and medication although it's good thing but deep inside I'm not comfortable and the black hole in my head can not be closed And I feel totally lost no skill or diploma to survive , if i make it it's because of my mother's prayers. I know i don't have much right to complain But i needed some venting and see if u guys can relate to me Anyway thanks for reading the post and i wish you guys a better tomorrow , May peace be upon you.",-0.2159,negative,terrified 3411,depressed,The demons can make suicide so tempting,listener_1,2,"You have the right to complain. Therapy and medicine help, can help a lot, but it can be really hard to find that happy place even with help. I've been going to therapy for 8 years, and am on meds too. I dont know how to fix that void, but you can continue to move forward. I cant help you, but you are not alone.",0.8287,positive,sad 3411,depressed,The demons can make suicide so tempting,speaker,3,"Thanks for caring, 8 years seems like a long time I hope u will heal.",0.8885,positive,consoling 3411,depressed,The demons can make suicide so tempting,listener_1,4,"Thanks, it helps that I decided to be happy despite the void. It doesn't seem that long because of it. I hope you heal too.",0.9022,positive,encouraging 3412,depressed,Self isolation has got me down...,speaker,1,"I just got over a nasty case of mono, in which I spent all of January and February in my house. It really took a toll on me, I was so excited to get back to work and school in March. I had a single shift before I found out someone in my class had a case of Covid-19. Now work is telling me to stay home for 14 days, my campus is shut for the rest of the semester and my mental health is declining every day. (Not to mention because of my previous sickness I am immunocompromised.... So that's great.) Everyone is so psyched to have free time during the quarantine, and I don't even have the energy to get out of bed. I have so many hobbies that I could be nurturing, so many productive things I could be doing. My house is a mess and my boyfriend that I live with is getting irritated. I can feel his frustration growing every day. He's so sick of me. I just don't know what to do and honestly kinda want to die for the first time in a while. I can just feel my months of hard work slipping away from me as I slide deeper and deeper back down the mountain of depression. I really needed to get this out, thanks.",-0.3971,negative,devastated 3412,depressed,Self isolation has got me down...,listener_1,2,Have you talked to your boyfriend about it? Is he willing to help you motivate yourself so you can start getting back on track? One thing that helps me get out of bed when my husband is home is when he tells me he wants to be with me but that he won't come to bed. Its endearing and helps motivate me to get my ass out of bed. Try to find some reason to do things. And dont worry about how much or how big it is. If you can only do a corner of a room then that's fine. You'll find the whole room clean in a week or less. Once you get going it might be enough to get you back up to where you were. Personally I reward myself for every chore I do. With icecream or even snuggle time with my husband. Also I will always suggest a therapist if it continues. I'm not a doctor and they can help.,0.9702,positive,hopeful 3412,depressed,Self isolation has got me down...,speaker,3,"Honestly my boyfriend and I are having trouble of our own, mostly due to me. He enjoys being alone while I prefer to spend time together. I'm just too clingy. Part of me wonders if he's relieved that I don't bug him all day. But I can never be sure if it's the depression talking. I'm currently on a waiting list for a therapist, but it's a minimum 6 month wait.",-0.7089,negative,anxious 3412,depressed,Self isolation has got me down...,listener_1,4,"Well I hope you two work it out. And definitely dont assume anything, depression loves negative assumptions. And too clingy or too much alone time are opinions. Talk to him about it, see if you can come up with a compromise that you are both happy with. Dont just assume it's something wrong with you, everyone has needs and being close is one of yours. I'm glad you're getting help even if it's going to be a while.",0.9325,positive,agreeing 3413,depressed,I’m in a really dark place rn...,speaker,1,"I’m not in the best of places rn. I just lost everything and I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t care if people on here think it’s stupid or whatever but my wife left me. And I guess for people to kinda understand why I feel this way I guess I’ll start by talking a bit about myself and what I’ve been through. I grew up in the south and I’ve always had an issue with myself from being self conscious and having low confidence in myself. It was bad to the point that being numb felt like normal after years of being depressed. I’ve been through sexual assaults as a kid and even physical abuse. After I got in middle school I started to practice being happy. And I got pretty good at it. But that all it was, just an act. I was never really happy. I never really had any friends and not for the lack of trying. I just felt like a burden on them and left them alone after a while. I started to think I wasn’t meant to be happy but maybe I should at least try and be like a kid. I eventually started highschool and thought it was a chance to change myself. So I decided to act more confident. But i wasn’t it didn’t help. I barely talked I had some connections with people but I wasn’t happy. I was content because I was not fitting in. I lied to myself and everyone making everyone think I was happy I was enjoying a relationship I was in. And after a while I even lied to them and said things I didn’t mean. Telling people that I’m happy that I loved them because it felt like something that would be said in this situation. I was never feeling anything. I was numb to everything. I cut myself because it was something to feel until even then I couldn’t feel pain. I was pretty much a zombie. Not feeling anything and going through the motions of life forcing a laugh or a smile pretending to enjoy my time with the people that called me a friend. Going through the actions of life not thinking I’m going to even make it out of highschool and I almost didn’t. My freshman year I had the chance to do drugs. A bunch of drugs. I’ve done heroin, coke, acid, inhalants, weed, smoking cigs, pain killers, I drank a lot. The biggest crutch was pain killers and I loved them. It got me out of my head by giving me the feeling of an escape from everything but I was never better and it made things worse. I eventually tried to kill myself with them thinking that was it. I’m finally free but no I wasn’t. I woke up in the hospital I tried to hang myself but my bed broke the first time. Then the fan broke. Then I even tried to drown myself but no matter how hard you try unless you are weighted down by more than you can lift then you will still try to breath. You will still fight to live subconsciously. I always tried to slit my wrist from wrist to elbow but I never could because I didn’t want my parents to see me sliced to pieces. And I eventually went to a mental facility for it. It didn’t do anything but help me understand how to act better. I saw a shrink and delved into the post became a pariah to my own family for telling the truth. My brother beat me to a pulp my step dad only got worse so I would get him to target me when he got drunk instead of going after my mom or sister. The final three years of highschool were just like the first except I was clean. No drugs no tobacco nothing. I acted better and people thought I was but I wasn’t. As soon as I turned around I would lose all expression. I wasn’t afraid of anything. And finally I met a girl that I started to date and based the entire relationship on nothing but a lie. That my feelings were real and that I was happy with her but I wasn’t I was miserable but I felt I had to keep up appearances. I’m not proud of it by any means especially since she was emotionally and mentally abusive to the point she made me drop my friends and entire family because she didn’t like them. And I did it because I thought that’s what people do when they are asked. I was miserable. More miserable than I was before. And then she got pregnant and I was trapped. She took the kid from me and I got back into school I went to school to be a mechanic and then moved to another state and started over with someone who I got along with I considered him a friend. He was an ass but a friend. He helped me experience new things. Things I didn’t want to be apart of but things. No not drugs but I was drinking more than a fish was to the point I was able to keep up with him within a month. But i moved to another state and got a job that I enjoyed the first time I actually woke up and was pleased to go to work. I wasn’t happy but it was still something. And then i somehow ended up getting a fwb and just went with it. I didn’t want relationship I didn’t want anything emotional because I’ve never been emotional. I don’t cry I don’t care about anything. And if I’m being honest I didn’t even want the fwb. I didn’t have any drive at all. Like to the point I couldn’t even get myself off or even hard most of the time. I ended up quitting because I got fucked in my hours and was without work for a month worked as a cashier and then got a second job at another place where I met her. I looked at her that first day and felt weird. I actually felt something. For the first time in what seemed like a life time. I looked forward to coming to work to work with her. To hear her talk to see her eyes light up and sparks when she would tell me things the was so passionate about. I loved it the first thing I enjoyed more than the pain killers that nearly killed me Years prior. She was way out of my league she was gorgeous and I didn’t want to lose her so I had to at least be her friend. So I became her friend she became my first real best friend. And I made the mistake of telling a coworker that I think I liked her and they tried to set me up with her and I found out she had a bf. I was devastated. I got drunk a few days later and drunk texted her how I felt and forgot about it all. Until the next day I thought I lost my phone and went to work to see if I left it there and ran into her and it all came flooding back and I apologized profusely I even quit drinking so much because I felt so bad. I mean she had a bf I couldn’t come between that so I tried to move on I tried to forget my feelings and ended up meeting up with my fwb that I hadn’t talked to in forever. Trying to get over her but it didn’t work I only felt like utter shit because I did that when I had actual feelings for her. For the girl that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I walked into work and she would smile when she saw me when she hugged me for the first time I didn’t want to pull away but I couldn’t let her know I had feelings for her. I had to play like I didn’t love her and it killed me every time we would smoke some weed at work and one day we danced to her fav song and I never wanted that moment to end I loved it I loved her I couldn’t deny it anymore I knew what I felt. And we held eachother after the song ended. I bought that song a few days later and listens to it everywhere. For days and it’s still my fav to this day. I can’t ever get tired of it because that’s what I think of every time I hear it. Then one day I kissed her. She said something and slowly turned away she looked like she regretted telling me she wished that she wished I was the reason her lip was hurting. And when she turned I grabbed her arm and kissed her. I kissed her hard and what seemed like forever. The world went silent and my heart was bound to burst. And all I wanted to to keep going but she pulled away. We ended up together and I felt happy I felt while I felt like she was the one I knew she was the one for me I still believe it in my heart. She made me feel all these emotions I’ve never felt before and I even asked her what some of the things I was feeling were since she knew I have never been an emotional person. She opened me up so much I cried during a Disney movie. I didn’t even cry during lion king. I teared up thinking about her walking down The isle to me I cried because she did something so fuckin cute I didn’t know what to do. I wrot her poems and letters and notes that we left all over the house. Then she found out about my past and she started to resent me for it all all the things I mentioned and all the things I didn’t. And I tried to keep her happy I tried to keep things up she made me so happy even when I was in my head she would hold me and I would be alright. She resented me so bad that she would throw my past in my face and I wouldn’t say anything because I didn’t want to fight anymore but I still loved her and I fought tooth and nail to keep her here with me to tell and make things better and for a while I thought things were but they weren’t. I still love her with all I am but I can’t go on anymore. She’s gone and all I have are what she’s left in our house and these memories of all the things I’ve never done before with anyone but her and she doesn’t believe me when I say that it’s the first time I’ve done this or seen that or been here or tried this. But I love her and I tried to convince her. She hates me for what I’ve done and I love her just as much as always. And she’s gone. Forever. The one person I felt anything for that made me feel anything at all and I’m left ruined. And beaten and broken and I can’t do this anymore. She was my wife. My everything my whole world and I love my life my world and everything I’ve ever wanted ever dreamed ever wished for so long and I just want to be dead right now! I can’t do this anymore. I’m broken I’m lost",0.9982,positive,sentimental 3413,depressed,I’m in a really dark place rn...,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3413,depressed,I’m in a really dark place rn...,speaker,3,She killed herself.... I came home from work and she’s gone.... the paramedics have just taken her out. And now I’m alone with everything....,-0.7579,negative,devastated 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,speaker,1,"I feel so hollow.. I laugh and smile but i'm not sure if it's real anymore or just something I do to appease people around me. I don't talk about my depression because that's my dirty little secret and I was raised to keep secrets hidden because no one wants to hear your sorrow. I have spent most of today sneaking into my room and crying into a pillow then rushing to the bathroom to press cold washcloths against my face to hide it...if anyone notices I just say my recently broken tooth hurts. People say they will listen if you need them but we all know that's just lip service an illusion to make you and them feel better, besides how do you explain crippling depression? Each person has their own unique demon to fight and I know I personally have a hard time explaining mine and if I do inside my own head I feel like I sound shallow and whining. I wake up almost every day wishing the Grim Reaper would just stop wasting time and come for me because I am waiting, I won't cry or fight because i'm tired down to my ancient broken soul tired, I don't think I have much left to give out out. I wish I could shut my emotions down and stop hurting, stop doubting and always feeling like in some pivotal way i'm failing. I want to stop looking in a mirror and hating the reflection gazing back at me with old tired eyes that have seen to much but won't stay closed. I don't even dream anymore there is nothing left for me to dream about. Anyways goodnight everyone may tomorrow be a little brighter then today has been.",-0.9967,negative,ashamed 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,listener_1,2,"Be strong, and if you want talk about your demons im here. Your not whining or being shallow your being strong, stronger than a lot of people.",0.8797,positive,confident 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,speaker,3,I honestly don't feel very strong... I can't even sleep good... I wish I could sleep and just not think about it but I got a bad feeling my day is about to start super early.. But thank you for reaching out and caring.,0.906,positive,grateful 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,speaker,4,Also because i'm wallowing in my own little tide pool of misery I forgot to offer the same to you.. I don't got much but I have empathy and ear.,-0.3291,negative,sentimental 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,speaker,5,Thank you that made me smile.. Sadly my demons are fighting for attention in my head and everytime I think I see an opening something happens to make me fall back into the darkness. I hate feeling like this its so cold and lonely.,-0.6969,negative,grateful 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,listener_2,6,"Sounds terrible. I really don't know much about what's going on but in my experiences keeping me distracted used to work. I used to talk with somebody about nonsense or watching a movie that I liked or I wanted to see, or just tried to enjoy whatever current situation. I tried to focus on the outside environment or something that would abstracted me. Anything to stop thinking about how everything were falling apart again. (Sorry if this sounds bad or if it is not helping ) I really want to help. And I hope you know that you don't have to push so hard on yourself alone.",-0.7224,negative,anxious 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,speaker,7,I do get it and I do try to do things to keep me distracted. I am really grateful for your kindness and hopefully tonight I will sleep..if you don't mind i'll DM you and let you know how i'm doing.,0.7645,positive,grateful 3414,depressed,Just Another Ghost,listener_2,8,I hope you can have some rest and a good sleep. And of course that I don't mind. We can keep in touch. Have a good night.,0.8271,positive,consoling 3415,depressed,Scared of myself,speaker,1,"I think I may need help I have thoughts of killing myself sometimes, but now I just constantly have thoughts of killing other people. Even my parents have noticed that I’m “attracted to violence” and they won’t let me watch or read anything with even the slightest hint of someone getting hurt and the only reason why they haven’t told my therapist is because they think it’s just a phase of some sort, I guess. I don’t know what to do because it’s tearing my whole world apart and I can’t walk around without thinking about what it would be like to just hear the the agonizing screams of someone in pain. I wanna be clear, I wouldn’t actually do anything, and I don’t want to tell my therapist because I’m scared I’m gonna get sent to the psych ward or some shit like that because I feel like I’m going to accidentally make the problem bigger than it is. I’m scared that one day the urges will just get too strong for me to handle and I’m gonna do something stupid. Help.",-0.9806,negative,terrified 3415,depressed,Scared of myself,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3415,depressed,Scared of myself,speaker,3,"Alright, I think I will. Thanks, friend",0.7964,positive,wishing 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,speaker,1,i can't believe how downhill everything has gotten. like every day gets worse. this world is literally going to shit and no one can do anything. i wish my mind would shut the fuck up for once.,-0.802,negative,devastated 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_1,2,"Fucken agreed been feeling like this for fucken years and now that shits really hitting the fan I’m just ready to fucken give up. If this is a test, it has to be, otherwise I can’t go on.",0.7239,positive,angry 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_2,3,"Music has been the only thing getting me through this mess. If I didn’t have music, I would be dead right now.",-0.8006,negative,grateful 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_3,4,"**Hello.** I noticed you dropped 3 f-bombs in this comment. This might be necessary, but using nicer language makes the whole world a better place. Maybe you need to blow off some steam - in which case, go get a drink of water and come back later. This is just the internet and sometimes it can be helpful to cool down for a second. *** ^I ^am ^a ^bot. ^❤❤❤ ^| ^[Information](https://redd.it/exwvd4)",0.988,positive,annoyed 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_1,5,Same hahah that last sentence I used was from a song. Tool has been helping me with such difficult times. Hope it gets better for you.,0.7003,positive,consoling 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_4,6,Same here making music has been what’s got me going ... I also just dropped something this Friday talking bout my heartbreaks and other things .... you can hmu for the link if you wanna listen or be friends with me 😊.....,0.743,positive,sentimental 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_4,7,Yeah everything is crumbling around us for real ... ion know if you believe inna higher power ( God ) ..... If you do and for real serve him everything would be fine for you mentally.... I’m working on getting to the point where I’d have a perfect relationship with him... I wish you all the best mentally...,0.9403,positive,wishing 3416,depressed,this year fucking sucks,listener_2,8,:( unfortunately not. Have to go to residential on Wednesday. Thank goodness my school’s closed for a while because of the Coronavirus.,0.0516,positive,sad 3417,depressed,I’ll never be enough.,speaker,1,I never thought I’d be this low. I have no one to turn to. Even the person I’m closest to shuns me away and refuses to understand my feelings. I do what I am asked and go above and beyond and I’m still not enough. Guys have a rep of having to hold it in...what if we can’t anymore. I used to be depressed as a kid going into teenage years due to abuse etc. I thought I was past that. But I hear all the voices of the past and I can replay each horrible memory vividly in my head. I don’t WANT to kill myself but obviously at times I think it’s the best choice. I will probably be fine tomorrow or at least I hope I can put on a smile. I can’t even vent without being judged so I’ll shoot my shot here. I’m not looking for words of encouragement I just needed a place to let it all out. I’m sorry for the post....,-0.2395,negative,lonely 3417,depressed,I’ll never be enough.,listener_1,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3417,depressed,I’ll never be enough.,listener_2,3,i thought he said no words of encouragement,0.1531,positive,neutral 3417,depressed,I’ll never be enough.,listener_3,4,My bad your right... I didn't realize my reply was encouraging.. Thanks for showing me my error.,0.0258,neutral,sympathizing 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,speaker,1,There are moments when I feel like jumping off the ledge. Mostly because I wanna stop feeling this shitty all the damn time. The only thing that stops me is the hope that I have to artificially trigger to stop myself taking the easy way out. The hope for being with less toxic people. The hope for undoing every wrong I have done. Although they aren't really much. I'm sure :) What hurts the most is to be repeatedly misunderstood. You are asked to open up by the only person you think understands you and then they make it all about themselves and what's worse is in their head it's my fault for whatever it is. I guess I have a lot on my mind and I really can't pen it down now. I guess I'll let it be. Thanks for this r/depressed! Made me feel tad lighter!,-0.4973,negative,disappointed 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,listener_1,2,I can certainly feel what you're going through. Its okey feel that pain its okey to cry and its okey to open up to the right person. Its makes you. You have to learn from it. Its a hard situation where you could possibly lose yourself so stay strong. I been through a lot lately so I try to solve everyone's depression problem so it keeps me going. If you want a little chat or anything you can talk to me anytime.,-0.8326,negative,agreeing 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,speaker,3,I'm pretty old now. I realized that Indian parenting fucked me up so bad that I don't know how to heal myself. It's weird.,-0.8122,negative,sad 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,listener_1,4,Its okey. You wana talk about it?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,speaker,5,I'm cool for now! Thanks man! Just needed to get it off my chest for a while,0.6988,positive,acknowledging 3418,depressed,I guess I can't tell it to anyone with a shining face !,listener_1,6,Sure. Wish it gets better for you buddy!,0.8016,positive,consoling 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,speaker,1,"hey guys, a stranger just texted me and told me he wanted to kill himself within an hour taking all the pills because he lose someone he loves that even the person he loves doesnot love him anymore and says that they don’t care if he’s dead or alive! please tell me what to do",0.807,positive,questioning 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_1,2,"Hey, I'm can still help?",0.4019,positive,questioning 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_1,3,*I'm here can I still help?,0.4019,positive,questioning 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,speaker,4,"hey I really dont know what to do i tried comforting him but he stopped replying me now, I’m really afraid that he have taken the pills",-0.128,negative,afraid 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_1,5,How do you got to know him?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,speaker,6,instagram,0.0,neutral,sad 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_1,7,In which country does he live?,0.0,neutral,questioning 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,speaker,8,I tried but she still drank her pills :( Idk but i feel guilty,-0.8462,negative,neutral 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_2,9,Save her! Call her parents or call the cops. It will help,0.7345,positive,afraid 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,speaker,10,she’s in the hospital rightnow with her family,0.0,neutral,lonely 3419,depressed,NEED URGENT HELP,listener_2,11,"Its gonna be okey. Don't feel any guilt, you tried to save her!",0.6492,positive,neutral 3420,depressed,i wish i could be loved,speaker,1,i wish i could be loved. i wish my dad loved me the way all other dads loved their sons. did things like all dads do with their sons. i also wish i had a guy. or a girl i guess. that would hug me. hold me. that could care for me. i’m just… so alone. i just really want some one to love and care for me.,0.9872,positive,lonely 3420,depressed,i wish i could be loved,listener_1,2,Hey there Stranger! I’m sending you a virtual hug. I hope you feel the warmth wherever you are.,0.8516,positive,caring 3420,depressed,i wish i could be loved,speaker,3,no i don’t sorry.,-0.3612,negative,sympathizing 3421,depressed,Falling again,speaker,1,"Hey guys I'm 28F and I think that I am having a relapse. I'm starting of doing absurd things that doesn't make me any good just to keeping me busy instead of doing things that I really have to do. And I'm also starting to spend so much time in bed again, literally I'm tired all the time. I'm looking for a job and getting my degree so I really don't want this now. Can anybody give me an advice?",-0.1281,negative,lonely 3421,depressed,Falling again,listener_1,2,"Hi, Im not in the condition to say or give advice because Im in the same state as you are but I say this please dont give up and keep trying again and again. I know it so hard to get up in the morning and getting a job as Im struggling through. If have a friend talk to them or maybe here just to release all the self doubts. Im not good at this kinda thingy. If u wanna pursue your degree go for it. Try doing something you like, umm maybe games or cooking to release the stress and it stuff not able to get the motivations and Im sorry you going through all this. If u wanna talk anythg, anythg at all. You could talk to me or smthg😁umm sorry again if this is not good enough.😅 I hope you get better soon😁",0.7509999999999999,positive,suggesting 3421,depressed,Falling again,speaker,3,"Actually it helped me a lot. I'm trying to wake up every morning to go to the gym and at least that help me most of the times. Thanks for your words, I really needed to heard that. I hope you get better soon too. And thanks for the offer, I might need that if you don't mind.",0.9231,positive,grateful 3421,depressed,Falling again,listener_1,4,"Im glad to hear that, it feel nice to hear that someone is is getting better in their current situation and good luck hopefully you are fill with luck👍.",0.9601,positive,wishing 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,speaker,1,"Yesterday, I talked with a therapist over here and told him about some stuff I've felt and feel for 3 years. I always thought it was emotional issues (and they are) but he encouraged me to go to a local therapist plus told me that according to my description, I probably have depression too. I was surprised. I have this mindset and idea of depression (I read a lot and know some people) that I don't think it fits me. Is it possible? Any of you around here never thought they could have and found out you did? What types of depression exists?",-0.9151,negative,surprised 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,listener_1,2,"We can go into private messaging if you want for comfort. There were a lot of times where I didn't think I wasdepressed, but then I was told that I was, there are a few types, if you want to talk more, it would be my pleasure.",0.8126,positive,trusting 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,speaker,3,Sounds great! Could you pm?,0.6588,positive,questioning 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,listener_2,4,"Check this person's user history. If I were you, I would not message them.",0.0,neutral,trusting 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,listener_1,5,Really sorry about all this,-0.1513,negative,sympathizing 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,listener_1,6,"It for some reason isn't letting me, could you try?",0.0,neutral,questioning 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,speaker,7,"Thank you for this perspective. Tbh, always had the idea of the isolated type of depression.",-0.5423,negative,sympathizing 3422,depressed,Do I have it?,speaker,8,thx!!,0.4738,positive,wishing 3423,depressed,I don’t get it,speaker,1,"Posted it somewhere else but got just one answer I can’t take anymore Seeing people posting things on social media Pretending they are all happy and good I mean there’s nothing bad in doing this if you truly happy and feeling good and want to share this with others But this is getting out of control if I could say that Everyone that I saw there wants to look happy even if they aren’t They share everything of their lives I just don’t understand I never liked such things Sharing ur life, social media and stuffs like that The only social media that I’m active is reddit And it’s the only one that I feel okay to share such things All of this makes me even more depressed and sad Not sure if someone also feels like me But there’s it",0.9922,positive,jealous 3423,depressed,I don’t get it,listener_1,2,"People like to come off like their life is great, that or they feel uncomfortable sharing the bad. I tend to avoid most social media, it's a lot of lies.",0.2023,positive,trusting 3423,depressed,I don’t get it,speaker,3,Yess I just can’t stand people sharing their lives like all the time Reddit is the only social media that I use nowadays,0.6486,positive,disgusted 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,1,"Hi it's my birthday and I will celebrate it almost alone in quarantine. I have wifi problems that can't be easily solved and my friends always ignore me when I'm able to be online. I know this is ridiculous and nothing compared to the problems of some people, but I needed to get this out of my chest",-0.4729,negative,lonely 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,listener_1,2,happy birthday :)))))))),0.5719,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,3,"Thank you so much, it means a lot <3",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,4,"Thank you, it means a lot ❤️",0.3612,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,5,"Sometimes the best family, thank you mate :)",0.8658,positive,grateful 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,6,"Thank you! Yeah, I might try, but sometimes just a community in reddit can make it better <3",0.7574,positive,neutral 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,7,Thank you! Greetings from Portugal! You also stay safe out there!! :),0.9075,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,8,"I will try to! Thanks for the kind words, it'll try to make the best out of the situation :)",0.9299,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,9,"Yes! Thanks for the kind words, sending love",0.9259,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,10,Thank you so much :),0.6983,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,11,Thank you <3,0.3612,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,12,That's nice! Thank you and happy birthday!,0.8619,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,13,Thank you for the kind words ❤️,0.7096,positive,grateful 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,14,Thank you <3333,0.3612,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,15,"Yeah, it sucks and I understand you! :( A big thank you from Portugal! <3",-0.3147,negative,agreeing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,16,Thank you! If you need anything you can dm me :),0.6996,positive,acknowledging 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,17,"Yeah, it's not the end of the world but a person can really get sad. We'll get better soon and thank you for the kind words!❤️",0.8412,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,18,Thank you so much!!!!,0.5673,positive,wishing 3424,depressed,I'm sad.,speaker,19,Thank you!!!!! Yeah ahahahah at least we will be involved in some kind of history :),0.8346,positive,acknowledging 3425,depressed,Got fired today and I feel hopeless,speaker,1,"I don't know where to go, I just want someone to talk to..I know this is long, but I appreciate anyone who reads and offers advice. I feel like I don't have any friends to go to, and frankly I am too ashamed to talk about it. I have been working at a specific retail for almost 6 years and have recently been doing loss prevention there for the past 8 months. Before I did LP, I was in a very dark place in my life for a while and the work I was doing was contributing to that a lot. However, one day, I was asked to apply and I was so excited when I got hired. I learned very quick and impressed many in my first few months. I am frequently told that I am pretty good at my job and was recently told by a friend that I was finally being considered for promotion. The job was so rewarding to me and I found myself to be extremely passionate for it. However, this morning I was fired for going into the parking lot in an attempt to stop a lady from stealing bags of unpaid clothing last Saturday. After I failed to get anything back aside from a few pairs of kid's jeans, the interaction made me so flustered I flipped out in frustration in my office that night and broke one of my boss's monitors as it fell onto the desk. I know it was bad and I have impulsive/anger issues, but I cannot describe how frustrated I was. It's certainly not the first time someone gets past me by any means, every week I miss a thief by a hair, and they get away. I will always get upset when someone steals and gets away. That said, the anger that caused me to lose my temper stemmed from the situation and interaction with that specific person. The person was just screaming and cursing at me, in a patronizing way. She yelled ""Is it because im black?!"" multiple times before speeding off with the door still open. I get called racist/cussed at all the time there, but usually what happens is they react that way when I am successful. What made me mad was she knew was she was doing when she said that, and she got away with it. I was at the end of a 15 hour shift, and her yelling got under my skin, she thought I wouldn't do anything. Usually I would have the police pull someone over if I can't get the myself, but my boss doesn't allow me if she's not there and she was on vacation. I just felt helpless, I couldn't do anything. I wasn't about to open her doors and snatch the stuff. I should have stopped her before she left the doors, but the merchandise was in large plastic bags, it made me hesitate. I quickly realized she was stealing when she made a run for it, but she parked in the handicap area, so I was too late by the time I got out there. That said, I was on my final for previously going into the lot so if I got caught doing it again, it would be my own fault. But I didn't think about it, I just acted in the moment. I never sprint/chase after people or intend to hurt anyone. I just wanted to at least try knowing there still might be a chance when there's hundred of dollars at stake. And I am certainty not the only one who takes the risk of going into the lot. In fact, my boss has admitted to doing it and many other leaders have admitted to doing it on a few occasions. At the end of the day, I can only blame myself though because I was already warned and I ignored. I've felt this pit in my stomach all day. I feel so worthless and ashamed of myself. My boss was straight up disappointed and told my friend she thought the video of me getting mad was ""disturbing"". I'm not saying me lashing out was in any way okay. I deeply regret it, but it makes me feel like I can't be angry. It just hurts that the perception my boss has of me after 8 months of working and growing together, in the blink of an eye, she is disturbed and ashamed of me. Ashamed for going into the lot and disturbed by my lack of emotional control. It just hurts knowing I failed her... She never cared about getting anything back, but she cared for my security, and I took it for granted. The location I was at was very high in theft, but I transferred over there specifically for that reason. I felt I needed more experience if I wanted to move up. They moved me around a lot for their own reasons for the first several months, but ultimately when a spot opened, I was asked if I want to go to this location because they needed someone who was pretty good at stopping theft. I had the choice and I switched over because I thought if I caught more thieves, I could prove myself. And I did catch a ton of thieves. I could of just stayed at my previous location where nothing was happening, but I strove to grow. I worked so much harder than the majority of other loss prevention employees. There are those who play fantasy football, watch the game, call friends, text, go around talking to chicks all day, some that just consciously sit by as people stuff their bags. I've worked with so many complicit people who just don't care, they get paid either way. I was fired because I took my job way too seriously. I took it personally... I know those are my faults, but it's hard to not feel bad when I am **fired** over it. Maybe it's just the stigma, but I just feel horrible about myself... Everything gone just like that. This job honestly meant so much to me and I took it for granted. It was the only thing in my life that gave me spark anymore. The only other thing in life I enjoy is lifting weights, but that has been hindered by some injuries and a surgery I had a year ago. I felt like I finally belonged somewhere for once. Something I was finally good at and enjoyed. Somewhere where I finally felt appreciated. But I ruined it. And now I have no income to pay for my tuition/bills/food. I feel worthless and I am upset with myself. No one will remember me for my hard work or the thousands of dollars I saved, but rather for losing my temper and breaking company property. I lost the respect of all my peers. I lost respect for myself.",-0.9985,negative,lonely 3425,depressed,Got fired today and I feel hopeless,listener_1,2,"I’m sorry, it really sucks. But you have to try to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game. Try finding some anger management resources.",-0.7962,negative,sympathizing 3425,depressed,Got fired today and I feel hopeless,speaker,3,"Thanks, that means lot. as soon as I got home yesterday I contacted some recources that retailer offered for employees. They offer 5 free sessions of therapy even 18 months after losing your job so I've been trying to make an appointment.",0.5574,positive,acknowledging 3425,depressed,Got fired today and I feel hopeless,listener_1,4,"That’s great news! Every step forward, however small, is a movement towards recovery and your own thriving (and the thriving of those around you).",0.6588,positive,acknowledging 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,1,"I don’t even know how to start this but here it goes! I wouldn’t care if I dropped dead right now I seriously wouldn’t. I just wish that I was pretty and I wouldn’t fuck up and go through my cycles of disordered eating all the fucking time I’m so sick of it. Every time I feel like I’m getting better, a week goes by and I mess up again. I’m shaking so hard from the thought of being alive right now, I hate it. I want to hurt myself so badly.",-0.962,negative,ashamed 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,2,"What are your hobbies/ interests? I would love to hear about them, let me help you put your mind on something different, even if it's just for a moment?",0.8504,positive,questioning 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,3,"Thank you for taking the time to chat with me. I enjoy weightlifting, CrossFit, and video games",0.6908,positive,grateful 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,4,"Also crossfit and weight lifting, heck yeah friend. You're two more steps ahead than me right now! Haha",0.8268,positive,agreeing 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,5,Video games????? I too consider myself a video gamer :D What platform?,0.7178,positive,questioning 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,6,I play on my iPad now because my pc broke which is really unfortunate and my dad sold my Xbox which also sucks :(,-0.8439,negative,sad 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,7,"Oh no no lol I’ve been so inconsistent with training like some days I’ll be good, then others I piss off and do absolutely nothing for days",0.3085,positive,ashamed 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,8,"Hey at least you're trying! :D Even if you dont go for a month but plan to, it's the thought that counts right??",0.4885,positive,acknowledging 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,9,Yo thank you! I’m just seeing this now and I really appreciate this,0.6989,positive,sympathizing 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,10,I guess lol my dad aint too happy about me skipping most of the time but because of this Coronavirus I actually get slack off abit,-0.0256,neutral,neutral 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_3,11,"Well, it sounds like your dad needs to chill out a bit. But, take this time to relax and enjoy. This Corona Virus is a little scary, but hopefully things will go back to normal in due time yeah? I know the feelings you were talking about up top can be hard to deal with, but even if you dont feel pretty, I can promise you one day, someone will find you to be the most beautiful human on the planet. I used to have days where I would sit and cry in front of the mirror, i used to have a ""best friend"" who would bring me down in every way possible. But, the person you're meant for will come along, whether you realize its them right away or not. I know you'll feel like itll never happen, but it will. I know I'm just an internet stranger, but please, just know that I dont want you to hurt yourself or best yourself up because you dont feel pretty. YOU will always be YOUR harshest critic, and some day, I hope that you'll see how wonderful you are.",0.9847,positive,hopeful 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_2,12,Thank you so much. It’s pretty difficult right now to forgive myself like even the thought of forgiving myself makes me cringe. I just wish that I could be the perfect person I always wished I would be both physically and mentally.,0.9465,positive,wishing 3425,depressed,I don’t want to live anymore,listener_4,13,"Nobody is perfect. Until you can get out of this funk, just do as much as you can towards your goals. There are gonna be some days when you don’t work out, or when you don’t eat as well as you’d have liked. That happens to everyone. In this dark mindset right now, you’re hyper aware of every little deviation from your plans or wants, and you’re placing a lot of blame on yourself. So. Nobody is perfect. That goal is off the table. Just take things one step at a time, one day at a time, and keep working towards your goals. Fitness, hobbies, eating well. I’m sure some days will still feel bad. We’re all sort of isolated. It amplifies those feelings. This virus crap won’t last forever. You’ll eventually go back to routines and won’t be so internally focused. 🙂",0.906,positive,sad 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,speaker,1,"I posted few days ago about me feeling nothing, depression and didn’t know what to do I received few msg and advice, once especially said me to go to travel, I said to myself. Why not It would be a good thing I started planning all along and now quarantine just fucked it up Since I can’t go out anymore for next 30/40 days This was my only hope and it’s gone I need wait at least 30 days to try to do my plan again Not sure if I will have any power but I gotta try. If I try as well.... Now beside feeling nothing, I’m feeling extremely crap and sad Even than before Just don’t know what to do now Just hope yall feeling good",0.5964,positive,devastated 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,listener_1,2,"With most people quarantined, local areas have less traffic. Are there any parks or natural areas that would be good to take a picnic to? Maybe use your phone and do some fun photography?",0.8426,positive,suggesting 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,speaker,3,All places in my city seems so dead And also quite sh1t. Kinda abandoned by the government and people as well I will try to do some fun photography of things in my home or something like that Thank you for ur help,0.3895,positive,grateful 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,speaker,4,I tried to analyse all possibilities now I will try to take some pictures but not sure if I will ever feel good Maybe just give me strength until quarantine is over Anyway thanks,0.8899,positive,suggesting 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,listener_1,5,"I'm in LA, and as soon as the ""cold"" I have is better, I'm super excited to go out and do some photography. Especially at dusk or dawn. I bet the empty streets, with all the lights still on, will be super eerie. If you want, definitely post some here, or DM me. I'd love to see some.",0.9517,positive,excited 3426,depressed,Quarantine fucked all my plans,listener_2,6,You will. Be patient. And be kind to yourself. This sucks but in the long run it will all be ok.,0.0676,positive,consoling 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,speaker,1,"I don't think im gonna be happy with my life. Just the way its going and who i am, i know that if i dont get stronger mentally im not gonna make it. I don't know what job/career i want anymore, im not as close with family as i once was, and i just idk. I lost my friends because they didnt like my bf, and i didnt want them to hurt his feelings or him to hurt there's. So i left my group. I sit with them sometimes but i mostly get ignored now. I though he was worth it at the time but, idk. Sometimes it feels like he doesn't care about me. I know he does but he doesnt show it. He used to, but he doesnt now. I just wish nobody cared about me. I wish i had no family or friends or anybody so i could just die without hurting anybody. At this rate im heading there and... it scares me. It scares me that im losing people, im getting closer and closer to the edge everyday. I dont know what to do. Ive gotten help. Ive though about my options. Ive made my decision. Ill just let life decide my fate i guess. I wont go out of my way to make something big happen or make something big stop. Im tired of trying to control what happens only to be disappointed. Im tired of trying. Tired of talking. I just want to shut my mouth and only speak when absolutly spoken to. I want to stay in the back. I want to go invisible. I want to dissapear. But at the same time i just want to be noticed. I want someone to see my pain and give me a hug and tell me ill be okay. But i wont get that. None of them can or will help me, comfort me, make me feel better. To summerise: i feel like shit and just want somebody to notice and DO something about it. I want them to take my hand in there's, look me in the eyes, and tell me i will be okay.",-0.8858,negative,sad 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,listener_1,2,"Hello again. What you are going through now is a phase of bad friends who do not want the best for you. I’m going through the same phase right now and I try to mix around with other groups of people. I have been ignored at school countless of times and one of my ‘friends’ even threw a chair at me for talking about a game he doesn’t like. However, I got over it and stayed away from him. Now I have my own small group of friends whom I have lunch with Everyday and I’m very happy. Don’t worry about the bullying and the ostracising. Don’t give a shit about why they think about u and your bf. Just move on and try to mix around with other cliques. Again, if u need help or anything, let us know.",-0.6869,negative,faithful 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,listener_1,3,"And please don’t have any suicidal thoughts. I had them before and it’s not a good feeling. Just try to find something to distract yourself from all these shit, and try not to think about suicide or self harm.",-0.9627,negative,consoling 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,speaker,4,Thank you ❤,0.7717,positive,grateful 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,listener_2,5,Sorry for the bad English,-0.5859,negative,sympathizing 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,speaker,6,Its okay. Thank you,0.5267,positive,acknowledging 3427,depressed,Why is it so fucking hard?,listener_3,7,You’re welcome 💕,0.8074,positive,wishing 3427,depressed,I want to die,speaker,1,"I don't want to be alive. I dont wanna spend the rest of my life feeling this pain. I want to die. I cant kill myself because others around me will blame themself and maybe try to do the same. Sometimes i feel like they should blame themself. Then i realise they are not the problem i am. Im sorry im not a person anymore, im a problem",-0.5995,negative,guilty 3427,depressed,I want to die,listener_4,2," If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline USA: 18002738255 US Crisis textline: 741741 text HOME United Kingdom: 116 123 Trans Lifeline (877-565-8860) Others: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org",-0.802,negative,apprehensive 3427,depressed,I want to die,speaker,3,Thank you,0.3612,positive,wishing 3427,depressed,I want to die,speaker,4,Thank you that means alot ❤,0.7717,positive,acknowledging 3427,depressed,I want to die,listener_5,5,"A cake next to your name means it's the anniversary of joining Reddit, not your birthday.",0.0,neutral,surprised 3427,depressed,I want to die,listener_6,6,well at least they’ve been on reddit for a while,0.2732,positive,neutral 3428,depressed,I’m so done,speaker,1,I’m sick of this perpetual feeling of dread I can’t get rid of it my ex gf put in a lot of work to help me shake it but the ways things have gone with her I really do have no one,-0.6804,negative,lonely 3428,depressed,I’m so done,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry, are you getting professional help?",0.34,positive,sympathizing 3428,depressed,I’m so done,speaker,3,I’ve come to the realisation I do and I’m trying to fit into my schedule but it’s hard and even harder when I have to go out of my way for it,0.0387,neutral,agreeing 3428,depressed,I’m so done,listener_1,4,I'm sorry it's so difficult. Hopefully it'll be worth the trouble.,-0.2298,negative,sympathizing 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,speaker,1,"I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know what made me this way but I've figured out that I really think too much of the people around me. In the past, I expected them to care for me so much that I'd just anticipate it all the time. For instance, during my birthday last year I was just waiting and waiting for my friends to message me, and when they didn't I got really sad and cried lol. I feel like I have a problem. Even now, I always check my notifications but no one messages, and I can't stop checking it because I want my friends to talk to me. Is this a bad habit? Lol. How the fuck do I get rid of this? Why do I even think so much?",0.3263,positive,sad 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,listener_1,2,Anxiety may have something to do with it have you tried talking with your friends about it?,0.34,positive,questioning 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,speaker,3,"No, it's hard to start talking to them about me being like this, but do you think I should?",0.1406,positive,suggesting 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,listener_1,4,I think you should speak up at least once and if no one takes heed it might be time to try find new friends... it sounds harsh but you have to do what you have to do and sometimes moving on is what you gotta do,-0.128,negative,suggesting 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,speaker,5,"Okay, I probably will try to speak to them soon. Thank you for answering me by the way",0.5267,positive,acknowledging 3429,depressed,EXPECTING TOO MUCH,listener_1,6,I wish you all the best :’) hopefully they’ll catch on to what you need and they’ll be able to support you ❤️,0.9062,positive,wishing 3430,depressed,Why i want life to end?,speaker,1,"I don't know how to explain it but it's just bad My brain is shrinking, i remember a lot of things that happened like I'm dying Corona is terrorizing the world and i seem to not care I took a look at past high school tests and subjects thought i will go back to it and go to college and i feel like a monkey and something is pulling me away I have this feeling i can't stand anything being alive, doing anything I feel like I'm not part of the world it disgust me actually people looks so ugly i hate to see the pain in world i hate the word Struggle I want to do literally nothing but it will make me worse eventually I put a scissor in my heart i keep imagining killing myself,i always beat my chest like I'm going to stab my heart Thx for reading guys I hope we will make it although eventually we r going to die anyway.",-0.9862,negative,sad 3430,depressed,Why i want life to end?,listener_1,2,"You should keep trying, maybe look into therapy. Yeah we're all gonna die but that's no reason to speed it up. A lot of people cant figure out what they want to do after high school, maybe just start going to college for a general associate's degree and try out courses that interest you along the way.",0.2023,positive,suggesting 3430,depressed,Why i want life to end?,speaker,3,"That is awesome, u just don't know why i can't simplify things in my life . Thanks again",0.7906,positive,acknowledging 3431,depressed,Im scared,speaker,1,"Im scared of going insane.. losing my mind... My parents pressure me to get a job. My mum is never satisfied with me. My sisters never talk to me. My bf is a bum who talks and never take action. His mum gives me problems relating to her precious ""prince"". I cant find a job. Covid-19 outbreak pressure. Lock in my own home due to country lockdown. I have no friends. I have no one to relate to. I have no one to talk to. No one understands me. Everyone gets mad at me. Im nt good enough... No one accepts me for who I am. No human connection. Im depressed. No one likes being around depressed ppl. Im alone..",-0.9881,negative,afraid 3431,depressed,Im scared,listener_1,2,"I'm sorry you're going through a hard time. You should consider therapy. And maybe some new friends? You should be with people who support you. Your parents probably have no idea what the pressure is doing to you, have you considered talking to them? Do they know you're depressed?",-0.4836,negative,suggesting 3431,depressed,Im scared,speaker,3,"I feel you too but dont die... I can tell you that dying wont solve any problems but accumulate more, as I have attempted before.. now, i went into watching Netflix all day instead but that never was satisfying. So i am struggling.. My bf is the one who is narcissistic. He is selfish and inconsiderate.. he is always stepping over his line and ended up breaking me bit by bit.. so if thr is anyone, i can relate to u.. but your child must be reli lucky to have such a nice mother who thinks abt him/her every time.. i wish my mother is as caring..",0.7313,positive,neutral 3431,depressed,Im scared,listener_1,4,"I can understand that. If you're unemployed can you get something like Medicaid? I dont know the equivalent in other countries, and I don't know what country you're in.",0.3612,positive,acknowledging 3431,depressed,Im scared,listener_2,5,Thank u a lot ur comment made me cry... <3,-0.1531,negative,acknowledging 3431,depressed,Im scared,speaker,6,"If nobody had sent you love today, I send my love your way. <3",0.8555,positive,lonely 3432,depressed,I have no friends literally,speaker,1,"Im In school i dont even want to be in, I HATE the clases, its a Cristian school and im atheist, and worst of all í dont have any friends, my parents forced me to be here, I swear man if they force me into something again, I will literally stop Talking to them for as Long as i can, im just in 7th grade and my parents already fucked It up",-0.9687,negative,lonely 3432,depressed,I have no friends literally,listener_1,2,"Haha buddy your only in 7th grade you'll meet people you always do. I used to go to a Christian school aswell never believed either. Talk to your parents switch schools, be nice to them though after all I'm sure they care alot for you.",0.8834,positive,agreeing 3432,depressed,I have no friends literally,speaker,3,They didnt care when i told them that i wanted to stay where i was they didnt even show me the school And they had already país for everything.,-0.3875,negative,furious 3433,depressed,I’m afraid that something bad will happen to my relationship for no reason.,speaker,1,"Hey, I’m struggling with depression and anxiety almost my entire life now I found out that I’m also bipolar. The only person that keeps me going is my girlfriend that I’m very thankful for but I’m really fucking afraid that something bad will happen and I will lose her and I think I’m going insane because of it. Everything triggers me even when I see something about a breakup online it instantly triggers my anxiety. I know it’s not about me and all that but just the thought gets me depressed and anxious as fuck like to the point I have panic attacks. I really don’t know what to do anymore I just want the anxiety to go away and be happy and calm about her.",-0.9785,negative,terrified 3433,depressed,I’m afraid that something bad will happen to my relationship for no reason.,listener_1,2,Are you feeling better ? Just found this are you ok?,0.5803,positive,questioning 3433,depressed,I’m afraid that something bad will happen to my relationship for no reason.,speaker,3,"Yeah, I’m all right and I’m still with my gf, thank you so much for asking buddy ☺️",0.7717,positive,grateful 3434,depressed,A poem?,speaker,1,"What is it to be happy you may ask? You wouldn’t want to ask me something like that. Because I’ve never been happy.  All my life, I’ve been suffering. Hiding behind a mask to live normally in society. But I really I have given up.  My soul sinks overtime I have to interact with someone. Because overtime, it reminds me how happy they are.  However, some people are like me. I may not know know because they also hid their pain and agony behind a mask.  I walk past someone down the crowded streets  And look at each person.  They all have they own story. But it is never going to be told to me.  I may not know what they live for. I may not know what their secrets. I may not know how they feel I may not know their past.  But I will do the best I can to make them happy.  So they won’t suffer the same as I did.  Taking your life is a big thing. It makes others that you loved suffer.  So I will hold onto life.  Until there is no one left for me to love. Then I will jump Or stab Or drown  Or whichever method I choose to take my life.  My pain is finally relieved. But my happiness will never return.  &#x200B; This is unedited so it is just a jumble of words. This 'poem' describes my feelings atm.",0.4688,positive,sad 3434,depressed,A poem?,listener_1,2,the ones willing to live in darkness and help others find the light are the most strongest and willed people on earth.I wish I could be like you but I'm still working on it,0.6183,positive,jealous 3434,depressed,A poem?,speaker,3,Thanks....,0.4404,positive,wishing 3434,depressed,A poem?,listener_2,4,poopoo girl,0.0,neutral,disgusted 3434,depressed,A poem?,speaker,5,Thanks lol,0.6908,positive,acknowledging