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I (M27) am married to a man (M28). He is the love of my life. I had only ever dated women before him but when I met him I realized I was bi, and we fell in love. We got married in the fall of 2018, so it’s been almost 4 years. We now live in Vermont. My whole family is from a small town in Texas, a super conservative Catholic area. I was raised there, but dad got a job in NYC when I was 15. The culture shock was difficult. We went from living in rural Texas to living in an apartment in Manhattan. My parents didn’t sell our house in TX, they allowed our aunt & uncle who just had their 3rd child to move in while charging them a small rent. In college when I came out as bi, my brother and dad were very supportive. My mom needed some time to accept. The rest of my family reacted poorly at first but came around. During visits we stayed with my aunt and uncle at my old house, but because we weren’t married we weren’t allowed to share a bed. We didn’t argue, we both would rather make peace. Visiting since, instead of staying with my aunt & uncle we would rent a motel room. During Covid we did not visit them. But this summer, my parents and bro decided to go visit my hometown again for 2 weeks, & invited my husband and I. I wanted a motel again but my aunt & uncle insisted my brother, husband and I stay with them. The 1st night sleeping situation was being discussed after my cousins went to bed. My aunt & uncle wanted me and bro to take the spare bedroom, husband on couch. All 3 of us took issue with that. They snapped that we were not really married because we were gay, & that they had children in the house. They said that it would be a bad influence on their kids. This hurt my husband’s feelings and he started crying & ran out of the room. When my husband ran out, my uncle had the audacity to start laughing. That’s when I saw red. I started cussing them out so loudly that my young cousins came to investigate. I told them that if they didn’t go apologize to my husband immediately then I was going to tell my dad what just happened, and I was going to make sure to have them kicked out of the house — that was still in my parents’ name. My bro seconded everything that I was saying. They started backtracking and saying that we were still welcome in “their” house but that we had to follow their rules, I responded that it wasn’t really THEIR house. I told them they were going to be homeless if I had my way. The kids started crying cause they heard me say they were all going to be homeless, so we left. My husband was on the porch crying, I promised him that I would never subject him to that again. I told dad what happened. To say that my dad was angry would be an understatement. He served them a notice of eviction for 60 days. I have been getting calls and texts and Facebook messages from my family calling me AH. I want to know AITA for allowing my young cousins to end up homeless? Is it fair that they have to pay for what my aunt and uncle said to me and my husband?

NTA. I love your Dad. Edit: thanks for the updoots and awards, but OP and his pops deserve them!

I was asked to be a member of the wedding party. Despite this, I was THE ONLY person, not only in the wedding party, but also at the ceremony, who wasn't allowed to have a +1. This was an outdoor wedding with unlimited seating and these people don't give a shit about COVID so it wasn't about that. I was told it was because my relationship wasn't "serious" enough despite us being together for a year. That only engaged or married couples were invited. And that they didn't want "some random guy" in their wedding pictures who "I might not even be with" later in the future. They don't want to "have to look at some random guy in their pictures" even though he wouldn't have been in any of the posed pictures at all. Maybe just in the background of crowd shots. There have been NO conflicts between them and my boyfriend and he's a nice and mild-mannered guy who gets along with everyone so I don't think it was about him personally. I get to the ceremony and find out that literally everyone else has a +1, not just married couples, but there are couples there who have been dating for less time than me. This is when I started feeling surly. I smiled and played my part during the ceremony but inside I was very surly and angry. We then got to the reception which had way more people than the ceremony. This is where all the "more distant friends" were invited. AND EVERYONE THERE had a +1. I was literally placed at a table as the one single person and everyone else at the table was a couple. Some at the table were other members of the wedding party, but others were random distant acquaintances. People started asking me where my boyfriend was and I said I was told he wasn't invited. They asked why and I said I had no idea why. This is when I started letting my surliness show and started acting rude and mean, because I was humiliated. AND THEN, I was "brought into conversation" with the couple's male friend, Dean. I was previously told that Dean has a crush on me and I made it clear I wouldn't be interested even if I were single. Even after that he kept trying to message me and I ignored him. But now the people who "brought me into conversation" with Dean were like standing around staring at us and giggling behind their hands. Like they thought they were Cupid matchmakers. Dean was absolutely a participant in this I was meaner to Dean than I've ever been to anyone in my entire life. I was as fully rude as I've ever wanted to be when being the target of someone's romantic interest unwantedly. It's true I don't really know if I was being set up but I was already furious before that happened. Everyone was silent and awkward. I went back and finished my meal, and as soon as I was done, picked up my purse and left and went straight to my boyfriend's house, skipping most of the reception, cake cutting, speeches, and everything. I'm now being told by the couple that they're "hurt and confused" why I left so early. I haven't replied.

Wow. There’s layers to this like a freaking parfait made entirely of dog shit in different stages of decomposition and it just kept getting worse. From the title I thought you were TA. Then it was like okay, maybe it’s E S H. Then it got to NTA and kept on trucking into how the newlyweds AND Dean are huuuuuuuge assholes and just kept on going. Honestly, you are absolutely not the asshole and in fact should be commended on not engaging in some fully warranted asshole behavior of your own. Because I absolutely do not consider rudely rejecting Dean’s advances to be asshole behavior when he is complicit in this setup attempt from hell. I think at the very least you would’ve been completely justified in not only leaving early, but taking your wedding gift with you because these people are *not* your friends.

I (32f) am getting married to my fianc´é (41m) next year. After we got engaged, I suggested it might be nice if I asked my fiancé's niece (who's 15) if she wanted to be a bridesmaid too. I've only met her a couple of times, so we're not close, but she seemed like a cool kid and I thought it might be a nice way for us to bond/ get to know each other/ involve her in the wedding. (Side note - she's the only niece/ nephew on either side of the family). Anyway, cut to a few weeks ago and we're in my fiancé's hometown to visit his family and discuss wedding-related stuff. His brother, sister-in-law and their daughter came over and I noticed this time that she was dressed a lot more androgynous than I remembered. The topic moved to wedding dresses and bridesmaid's dresses and I could see she was immediately uncomfortable. Her parents (her mum really) and grandma were making comments about how she'd need to be more feminine/ brush her hair etc, and how nice it would be to see her like that. I'll be honest and say this hit a nerve with me, as I was very much a tomboy as a teenager (even though I'm not anymore) and it absolutely broke me whenever my relatives would say things like that. Eventually, her mother made a comment along the lines of, "It'll be nice to see you dressed like a girl for once." and she looked really sad/ embarrassed/ upset. In response, because that *really* hit a nerve, I immediately told her that my maid of honour would be wearing a trouser suit for the wedding and not a dress and that I'd given all the bridesmaids the option of wearing anything they want as long as it's in the "wedding colour", to make things easier. I pulled out my phone and started showing her photos of the ideas my friend had sent me (a jumpsuit, culottes, a trouser suit, a tailored tux etc) and let her know that she could pick anything at all she wanted - she could even wear jeans and trainers if that made her comfortable – and that it's a wedding, not a fashion show. My niece perked up a bit when I said that but her mum looked really pissed off. She's since asked my fiancé to pressure me into getting all the bridesmaids dresses so their daughter will have to wear one (which, lol, no). My husband doesn't give a shit what she wears, but obviously also doesn't want his family and me to be arguing on the wedding day. I don't want to back down because I know what it feels like to be pressured into wearing something that makes you uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I know it's only for a day and it'd make the family happy. AITA for trying to overrule her parents?

Definitely NTA. Don't back down. Stand your ground. Never in my life had I thought I would be urging someone to be a bridezilla. Please. Please. Be the bridezilla. Go full bridezilla. Edit: I don't know how all these awards go and the pink framing and all, but thanks to all who helped that happen.

My daughter is 12, I'm trying to teach her ways of creating and respecting her boundaries that are age appropriate. Teaching her that it's ok to say "No" to things she feels uncomfortable with. There is a boy in her class who keeps bothering her and her female friends at recess. I've encouraged her to go to me or her teacher when this happens. My daughter told me a few days ago that in class, the teacher had asked the kids to form groups of about four or five. She had formed a group of five with some other girls, then the boy who had been giving her trouble at recess came over and said he was joining their group. Another girl said that they already have five, and he should work with a group who only have two or three people. He said no because the teacher had said "about" four or five. My daughter then said that they didn't want to work with him, and he should find another group. A few of the other girls agreed with her. He said that "you can't exclude me like that, it's against class rules" and she said she didn't care. I heard about this from my daughter first, and the way she talked about it, she had been firm but not unkind. But then I got an email from her teacher saying she wanted to call. She said there had been an incident at school where my daughter had excluded another child, and that wasn't allowed in her class, and she wanted me to have a talk with her about it. Her telling of events was the same as my daughter's. I felt proud of my daughter for her honesty. I sent her an email saying.. Dear Mrs. (Teacher) I'm sorry, but that is not a lesson I feel comfortable teaching my daughter. She's at the age where she is already having to deal with unwanted attention, and I'm making a point to teach her that she does not have to be around anyone who makes her uncomfortable. And that a young lady is able to choose to spend time with people who make her feel respected. I understand you already are aware (Boy) has been behaving in ways that she feels uncomfortable with at recess, from our prior conversations. I think it is a very dangerous lesson to teach a girl she has to include and be kind to everyone, instead of teaching her to be aware of when someone is not respecting her "No" and stepping out of the situation. I hope I don't have to explain in too much detail why I find this important... But to put it briefly, I was brought up with the "Include everyone" mindset. No exceptions. It taught me to ignore my own comfort level, and as I became a young adult I became the victim of men who used my inability to say "No" to their advantage. It's a dangerous lesson, and no longer appropriate at that age. Thank you, OP She emailed me back asking for a meeting in person with the principal. I'm preparing for that but wondering if my email was too harsh AITA for my response to my daughter's teacher? //// Edit to update... I reached out to the parents of the other four girls in the class who were involved, and we all coordinated to go speak to the school administration together. They had similar views, thinking it was inappropriate for the school to expect the girls work with someone who they're not comfortable with, and frustrated the teacher didn't do more to deal with the issues during recess that made the girls uncomfortable to start with. I ended up asking the school if we could reschedule the meeting to a time all the involved families could make, and we ended up meeting this afternoon along with my husband, another couple, two mothers, and a father. Along with the teacher and principal. We all presented a united front asking for the following... The school does training for the teachers on trauma-informed teaching methods and the dangers of expecting young women to go against their best judgement of their own boundaries to be "nice". Instead of "Include everyone" the kids should be allowed to respectfully set boundaries and taught to respect each other's boundaries. The school addresses harassment in class or at recess and doesn't enable it to continue. We went to talk, and I think it went a lot better having all the parents join instead of if I'd gone alone. The teacher and principal apologized and the principal agreed to look for resources on how to better navigate the balance between being inclusive and not forcing kids into including someone who is crossing a line with them. Thanks a lot for all the amazing advice in the comments, I cannot believe how much this blew up and I'm so grateful to everyone who replied with advice and support. And honestly was getting pretty emotional hearing how the lessons I'm trying to teach my little one resonated with other women, whether they're moms too, or have been through some of the same struggles I have.

You could point out that the boy didn’t ‘need’ to join their group as there were other incomplete groups. He ‘wanted’ to join that one that was already complete for the sole reason that your daughter was in the group. Ask them when and, more importantly *why* his ‘want’ to be near your daughter superseded your daughter’s ‘need’ to feel safe from his unwanted advances and harassment. Edit: Aww, thank you for the awards! NTA

I (16f) have a friend named Aysha (15f). Aysha is Muslim and wears a hijab to school which often causes people to give her dirty looks, comments, etc. I don’t know why. It’s just cloth. Anyway the worst instance possible was with this girl named Megan (also 15f). When we were sitting together at lunch she came up to Aysha and I and told Aysha she dared her to take her hijab off, taunting her saying she would look so pretty without it. (This was with malicious intent because I told her one time thinking she was just clueless and wanted to educate her) Then she forcibly tried to remove her hijab. I moved her hand away and we went to the principal. Instead of getting a punishment, Megan made up a sob story about how it would harm her position on some prestigious soccer club she was in. Fast forward to a few days ago. She makes a TikTok that said “when you get called to the principals office for telling the Muslim girl to take off her durag”. I was so livid for her. Aysha is very shy and didn’t want to seem like a buzzkill, so she asked me personally to email the soccer organization. Well, I did, and she was immediately kicked off and other organizations in the area were notified of her behavior. Now, all of her friends are in my dms saying how horrible I am, how I’m a retard, how I need to take a joke, etc. my parents think I should have stayed out of it. But I think I did the right thing.

NTA, you didn't get her kicked off the team, her actions did. She's TA, and so are her friends. You did the right thing.

Last week a new colleague "Cathy" (33f) started at my (25f) work place. She instantly stood out in the team, because she seems like someone who is very... loud and assertive? Two of my colleagues, me and Cathy were having coffee in the break room (we were the only ones in there and we were sitting far apart), when the subject of travel was brought up. My colleague said she wasn't booking trips anymore because it'll probably get cancelled because of covid anyway. Cathy, immediately cut in about how sad she is because she travels so often and she goes on these far "exotic" trips to Europe as her hobby. When I think exotic I think the Bahamas or something instead of Europe but. Cool. Cathy then jokes about how all this "no travel business" is making her fear that she'll lose some of her foreign language skills. I asked what languages she spoke. She claimed to be fluent in 3 European languages, among which were French and Dutch. Cathy said she was "at a native speaker level" and went on about how people in Europe were always surprised when they found out she wasn't from there. I was excited, because I never get to speak Dutch over here. I was raised in Belgium, which has three national languages: French and Dutch (which are my mother tongues and the most commonly spoken there) and German. It's quite common to be pretty fluent in at least two out of the three languages in Belgium, because you're required to learn them at school (along with English) from a young age. I told Cathy "oh leuk, dan hebben we iets gemeenschappelijk!" ("oh fun, we have something in common then!") She immediately pulled this sour face and asked me if that was supposed to be Dutch. I said yes. She laughed awkwardly and said she "couldn't understand because I have a terrible accent and must not be that good at speaking it." Now see, I don't have an accent. I speak Dutch more fluently than I speak English. I told Cathy that I grew up speaking Dutch and speak it to my family all the time. She got miffed and asked what languages I speak and where I'm from. I told her I'm from Belgium, so I also speak French and I added "which you just said you speak as well, cool! We can speak French instead!" I acknowledge that I was a bit of a dick here, because by that point I knew she probably lied about speaking French as well. She then shoved her chair back and angrily got up, said "whatever" and stomped off. It was awkward. My other colleagues just kinda shrugged and said she shouldn't have lied. However, she later approached me and told me I embarrassed her by acting "superior" about my European heritage. I told her there was no way for me to know she'd lied about speaking those languages. She rolled her eyes and told me I was immature. A colleague told me that Cathy had called me a "little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues" behind my back later. I don't think I was a bully at all, but I don't want this to turn into a huge thing. Do I just apologize to keep the peace? AITA? \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ Edit1: I'm not sure about escalating this to HR, which a lot of people have told me I have to do. I feel like this might make me look immature to the rest of my colleagues (of which I am the youngest) and it might not need to go that far... It depends on if Cathy is willing to put this behind her and be professional. If all else fails I do have "witnesses" who would be honest about what happened, so I think I might be in the clear if she tries to twist the story. Edit2: Some people have taken offense to me giving the Bahamas as an example of an "exotic" place and are trying to make this into a race issue. I didn't know "exotic" was an offensive term in the US. Do I think of The Netherlands, Belgium, England, Norway, which were countries she was describing as being faraway exotic destinations, as my idea of an exotic trip? No. Not because there's a lot of white people there, but because when I think of exotic I think of a place with nice sunny weather, white sand beaches and a blue ocean. Maybe it's because I'm from Belgium, but I don't really feel like being in my home country where it's dark and rainy all the time is quite that experience. Edit3: Some people think she might not have understood me because she is fluent in Dutch, but learned it in the Netherlands, which has different accents. While it is true that The Netherlands and Flandres have different accents, I didn't speak a very specific dialect like West-Flemish or something. I spoke the general Dutch you'd see in the news in Flandres. I didn't speak quickly to try and make it incomprehensible to set her up. I genuinely believed she spoke Dutch because that's what she was saying, so I talked to her in normal, conversational Dutch. The same kind of Dutch I'd use in a work environment back in my home country, the same kind of Dutch I use with friends from The Netherlands. (But with a soft "g" lol.)

NTA > I embarrassed her by acting "superior" about my European heritage I mean, not *that*, but you **are** superior to her in that you don't feel the need to lie to impress people. > Cathy had called me a "little b-word who enjoys bullying new colleagues" Oh, Cathy... talking aloud into the mirror again?

My husband (Asian) and I (american) welcomed our first born 4 weeks ago. The baby is health (Thank God) but I'm exhausted, haven't fixed my hair, barely able to shower and can not sleep. My husband's family had been pressuring us to visit to meet the baby. I tried to hold them off as much as I could but yesterday, I was surprised to find them standing on the porch. turns out hubby invited them for dinner. I was embarrassed and felt like I wasn't ready for visitors (judgemental ones at that 😉) cause the house was a M.E.S.S y'all. Anyways, my husband sat with them while I fed my son then later I asked my husband if we should order take out for dinner. He said "NO" because his parents would find this rude and unwelcoming. He suggested that I go inside the kitchen and prepare something, anything long as it's "homemade". I said fine then went and made some Mac N cheese. The reason I prepared this meal is because of how easy it is. Once I served the family, My husband's mom looked at me and was appalled. I noticed something was wrong. She asked if I really found it "appropriate" to serve her and the family Mac N cheese. I asked why not and she went on a rant about how disrespectful this was and that I clearly have no experience in what is right and wrong when it comes to hosting. I said excuse me? Who said I signed up to host an expected visit from them and she took it as in I didn't want them there. her husband said they were just there to finally see the baby that I kept them from seeing for an entire month. that's a whole month of his life they "missed" out on. We had an argument and they decided to go home. My husband said that deciding to serve his family Mac N cheese was more offensive then serving them nothing at all. I told him I was too exhausted to cook their "traditional feasts" that I was forced to learn from his mom. He took offense and said that I was being mean and disrespectful towards not only his family but his culture. I went inside the bedroom to stay with my son. My husband stayed on the phone with his family for an hour then kept giving me the cold shoulder and refused to eat what I cook in support of his family. I understand how some guests might find it offensive especially his family. but I was just trying to make a quick homemade meal like my husband wanted. What's wrong with Mac N cheese? EDIT* Ok, So I'm seeing commenters here offering to come over for some Mac N cheese. It's amazing to hear that some people here would aporeciate this kind of meal. It kinda makes me feel relieved and reassures me that I didn't mess this up entirely. Come on in Y'all! I'll be more than happy to serve you some mac n cheese, some of y'all even offered to bring mashed potatoes and pizza. LOL would love to have y'all over some time.

This isn't a culture clash - these people are just AHs. There isn't an asian culture I'm aware of that doesn't practice some form of postpartum confinement where it is expected that the new mother do nothing other than rest and bond with the baby. IF they were so "traditional" they should have showed up with food, offered to clean the house, and run a load of laundry while they're at it. NTA btw. Edited to add: thanks for the awards y’all. I’m Asian too, and even though I live far from home now I totally enjoyed being able to just rest up and bond with my babies in the early days post-partum.

Original post [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/jqdel5/aita_for_getting_frustrated_with_my_mom_for_being/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf). I got a much bigger response on my original post than I ever thought I would. A couple hours after I posted it, I realized I left a lot of information out and wanted to clarify some things, as well as provide an update on the situation. Some people asked if I pay rent or own the house. It's my parents house, and I don't pay rent. I can't afford to move out right now, and my parents don't want to let me move out until after my first year of uni. Some people also asked if I'm autistic. I have ADHD, which shares a lot of traits with autism. I stick to a strict routine because it's the only way I'm able to remember to do everything I need to in the morning. A lot of people suggested packing my lunch at a different time, or even the night before. I had tried this before; no matter what time I went into the kitchen, my mom followed. I tried it again a couple times since making the post, and she continued to follow me. I took the advice of some people who told me to try going into the kitchen as usual, but to leave when my mom got in my way and tell her I'd wait until she was finished. I even made sure the kitchen was spotless the night before. Dishwasher emptied, no dishes in the sink, counters wiped down, and trash emptied. She followed me in, and when I said I'd wait, she said she was done. Almost as soon as I went back in, she followed me in again and claimed she had forgotten to do something. A lot of people pointed out that she might just want to spend time with me, which I hadn't thought of before. I think that maybe me getting a job, finishing high school, and starting to work towards getting my driver's license made her realize I'm growing up and won't be dependent on her/living at home for much longer. Maybe she just wants to spend as much time with me as she can before I go, or maybe she doesn't feel as "Mom" as she did before. What finally worked was, after dinner a couple nights ago, asking her to pack some leftovers from dinner in a separate container for me to take for lunch the next day. She seemed really happy that I asked, and didn't follow me into the kitchen the next morning. She even left a sticky note with a smiley face on top of the container! I also asked if she could drive me to work, which gave us the chance to chat and catch up in the car. I think she just missed feeling like I need her, which I always will. Even though we butt heads sometimes, she'll always be my mom, and I think I just needed to find a way to remind her of that. I wrote my original post feeling super frustrated at my mom, but I teared up a bit finishing this update. Sending a massive thank you to all the kind people who commented and helped me work this out :)

I'm so glad that this situation got sorted out and has such a wholesome ending. Communication is important in every relationship but it always seems to be the one thing people don't too until it's too late. Hopefully whenever other issues come up in life you can look back on this as a important life lesson. Edit: I went to sleep and come back to 7.5k upvotes and top comment! Thanks!

My husband and I have, both 33, have been together since college. Over the years, he's had quite the career trajectory. He's a quant PM and makes like 10x what I make (and I make a good salary haha!). As we've grown wealthier, I've learned that people become nosier. Friends, acquaintances, relatives, you name it. In the beginning I would entertain the nosy questions, but since I turned 30, I've adopted a "take no shit" attitude. When people ask me how much he makes, I no longer say anything. I've learned the hard way that giving an exact number can have bad consequences. My co-worker, 25, is new and she already has quite the reputation. Very chatty, catty, gossipy, you get the gist. You can just tell she craves wealth and status. She wears a bunch of flashy designer items and is always asking the ladies around the office which of the men are single. Last Friday, our office hosted an afternoon happy hour. She approached me and asked how me and my husband's recent vacation to Europe went. I told her it went well and briefly summarized what we did. Then the conversation went something like this: Her: "So what does your husband do?" Me: "He works in finance." Her: "Oh wow, he must make a ton then to be taking you on all these lavish vacations! I hope you don't mind me asking, but how much does he make in a year??" Me: "Yes, we're very lucky that he makes a good salary." *Polite smile* Her: "Oh c'monnn I won't tell anyone. How much does he rake in a year? Millions??" Me: *Awkward chuckle* "I'd rather not say, but it's up there!" Her: "What, he doesn't allow you to give an exact number or something??" Me: *Visibly annoyed* "No, I just prefer not to say." Her: *Laughs in my face* "You'd think the stuck-up one would be the one with money, not the one without!" Me: "You should learn how to take 'no' for an answer and when to quit being a nosy bitch. It's a valuable lesson." Then I smiled at her and walked away. Later on, I had a few co-workers reach out to me and say that she was crying and left early and that I should apologize for calling her a rude name. I refused. I told my mom and she said I was too rude to the new girl and that she's young and might not fully understand "salary talk". I think she's old enough. Husband is fully on my side but said maybe I should fake apologize for the sake of office politics, which I somewhat agree with. But still, AITA?

I know women like her. The type to find out it's 'millions' and then starts sleazing all over your husband. NTA.

[UPDATE IS HERE,](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawaypoolproblem/comments/vznzde/update_aita_for_ruining_my_brothers_marriage/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) the mods wouldn't let me post because this post isn't old enough. throwaway. this whole situation is so bizarre that I still can't really process it. it still doesn’t feel real but I feel scared and guilty I (19F) had surgery a couple days ago to get all 4 of my wisdom teeth out and because I have a really bad fear of dentists, they had to drug me pretty hard to do the removal. Not like laughing gas that wears off really fast, but actual IV medicine so I was pretty much unconscious during the whole thing. They told me to have a "responsible adult" drive me to the appointment and back because the meds they gave me would make it dangerous to drive. My mom was on a work trip and couldn’t take me, so I asked my sister in law Bri (24, not her real name) if she could do it as the whole thing would only take an hour or two. I even offered gas money because the dental office is about 45 minutes away. I would have asked my brother but he works during the day while bri is a stay at home mom to their 2yo daughter who I think was at bri's mom's house that day. Bri agreed to take me to my appointment and the surgery went fine, bri waited in the lobby for me to be done. When I came out of anesthesia I was very disoriented and nauseous, which I guess is normal. I had gauze shoved in my mouth to stop any bleeding and bri took me to her car after I was let go. I don’t really remember much of the drive but it felt like not enough time passed before bri got out of the car and told me to come with her. I was really out of it and just followed her because the alternative was staying in the hot car. long story short, we were at a pool?? I was really confused but once we were through the gate bri basically parked me at one of those little table-benches said she'd be back in a while. I was still trying not to puke and was really dizzy from the heat (90+ degrees) and the drugs, so I asked her to take me home but she wouldn't. I guess since it was her day off and she didn’t have my niece she was meeting friends at the pool. I was starting to feel really sick and on the verge of passing out or having a panic attack, so I called my brother. I don’t think he could understand me between the meds and the stuff in my mouth because he hung up and I guess called bri because she came stomping back over, cussing and yelling at me, and took me back to the car. I passed out on the drive home, but when we arrived my brother had left work and met us in the driveway. He was screaming at bri and she was crying. I was still pretty disoriented but my brother took me back home and stayed with me until the meds wore off. That's when he told me he's divorcing bri because of what she did plus some other things he didn’t go into detail about. It's been a few days since then and bri has been blowing up my phone telling me what a bitch I am and how me tattling destroyed her family. Part of me feels bad because of my niece and I wonder if I should've jjst dealt with it and waited for her to be done at the pool instead of calling my bro and causing problems. AITA??

>he's divorcing bri because of what she did **plus some other things** OP, you are not the reason they're getting a divorce. But if you find out the reason, please come back and update because enquiring minds want to know! NTA.

I'm at a loss here guys. Realistically, I know I'm in the clear. Legally, I'm in the clear. But I'm being vilified by my coworkers, and I'm genuinely considering quitting my job because of this mess. So I work a pretty standard day job, and at night I help my friend at her restaurant, which serves an assortment of Thai cuisine. Tbh I'm insanely picky, but I fell in love with this peanut sauce the main chef makes, and he showed me how to make it, so about once a week I take it on either noodles or stir fry to my day job for lunch. People know this and a handful have tried it. It smells nutty, it tastes nutty. It's white girl pad Thai, basically. Lately my lunches have been disappearing, or I'll open my lunchbox to find half of my food missing. I've tried addressing it, but nothing has been changing, and I was pretty sure it was one of the new hires that was doing it, but had no proof. Until now. Thursday I took my noodles, and my entire tupperware was missing, which hasn't happened before. I'm pissed, but what can I do? A coworker shared her pizza with me and that was that, until today. My boss confronted me and accused me of poisoning my noodles because his daughter (one of the new girls) "borrowed" my lunch and had to be hospitalized. Turns out she's severely allergic to nuts, ate some and boom. Anaphylaxis. She used an epi pen, had to be hospitalized and now her dad is trying to hold me accountable for her bills and condition, but I don't see it. Why should I pay? I don't mark my food as an allergen because I'm not allergic to it, she was just dumb enough to steal from me and eat something she can't have. But he's being hateful, and some of my older coworkers are icing me out because I warned him I'd report any harassment to HR if he tried anything funny. Brown nosers, I guess. My friend is aware and offered me a full time job, but I just can't help but feel it's unfair. At the same time, I could have killed his daughter tho... So, AITA? Edit: holy shitballs this blew up! I *did* email the HR rep and let her know of the situation. She's been on vacation and gets back tomorrow, so I don't know if she's aware of what's been going on since last week. I should note that I work weekends most weeks, not quite a 8-5 M-F job, but yeah. My coworkers mostly chilled out by the end of my shift, thankfully, after I explained to the (nosiest) friendlier person that I always bring a peanut sauce dish. I guess the general assumption was that I somehow found out who has been stealing lunches and decided to poison them? To answer a common question: this was the first time my pad thai was stolen, and no I'm not the only victim of the lunch thief. I usually take a late lunch, and I'm not the only one, so I'm guessing the lady who was stealing food decided what was left is a free for all. F her. My boss said it was an HR issue when I'd tried talking to him about lunches disappearing, and HR always said they'd look into it (or further into it) and nothing ever happened. We're 100% not allowed to eat at our desks, unless you have a medical reason for it, so that wasn't an option either. I'm assuming she's fine, but I don't know the severity of her allergy or how much she ate before she had her reaction. I'm not privy to her medical information, sorry guys. Suing.... Sounds like a great revenge, but probably not worth the cost of a lawyer. My friend let me take tonight off to just bitch about everything, and I'm probably going to take her job offer. One commenter was right; even if everything settles down, I don't want to deal with a potentially hostile or reactive workplace like this anymore. It's not a career with much room for upward mobility, and I didn't feel welcome in our group meeting today. And for the people calling this fake, okay? It's not, but even if it were, why are you getting mad about it? Karma doesn't give me anything, monetarily or status. I can't exactly give out a bunch of details unless I want to dox myself, and the post seems rushed because I wrote it out of frustration during my lunch. Short time+word limit= rushed. Sorry it didn't meet your writing standards. Anyway, I'll keep reading comments and responding occasionally, but this is it for me unless I get something worth updating. Thanks for everyone's opinions! (And the information about Caesar dressing and Worcestershire [thanks Google] having anchovies. That's crazy!) Edit: the recipe 2 tbsp red curry paste 3/4 cup smooth natural peanut butter 1/4 cup sugar 2 tsp dark soy sauce 2 tbsp cider vinegar 3/4 cup of water 12 oz of coconut milk I cook it on med-low heat and add more water if it seems too thick. And use regular coconut milk!! The low fat isn't as good imo I had to find one for home that seemed similar to the restaurant's since I'm not making enough for an army! I like this one, but I'm also lazy and want it done in 15 minutes. I hope everyone likes it! If not... Well, you tried something new And the natural pb is important! Nuttier, stronger and far less sugar

NTA - Go to HR immediately and make them aware of what is going on. You did absolutely nothing wrong and your boss's behavior is 100% inappropriate.

For reference, my brother Connor is 19, I am 26, and my (now ex) fiancé Hunter is 28. Also for reference, already mentioned in the title, but my brother was kicked out when he was 16 because our parents snooped through his phone and found out he was in gay. Connor had a birthday last weekend, so he invited his friends over and they were all (18-22 year olds) drinking and playing games. Hunter and I were about to head out to let them have the place to themselves, when Connor asked if we wanted to join them. I initially refused (bit too old to be playing drinking games), but he insisted and Hunter thought it’d be fun to act like college students again. We all got pretty drunk and Connor had the idea of playing Never Have I Ever. A few rounds in, the statement “Never Have I Ever cheated before” came up. Now’s a good time to mention that Hunter is **staunchly** against cheating. His ex-fiancé cheated on him and it emotionally wrecked him. And unfortunately, as a lot of dumb, immature 17 year olds do, I cheated on my “boyfriend” of 5 months. It was a stupid mistake, he found out, and (understandably) ended things. This was almost a decade ago, I obviously learned my lesson, and look back at that time with shame (and obviously never cheated since). Well my brother knows about this so when I didn’t drink, he went “hey sis, what the hell? You know you cheated on (*insert ex’s name*). You have to drink to that!” My boyfriend paused, looked at me, looked at him, and just walked out of the room. I followed him and tried to talk to tell him that it was a stupid teenaged mistake, but he wasn’t haven’t any of it and ended things on the spot. I’m numb. I’m heartbroken. He was my everything and more and I still don’t know how I’m going to move on. Connor tried to apologize, but I feel nothing but sadness and emptiness. This morning I served him an eviction notice. He begged me to stay and said he didn’t mean to ruin my relationship and he just didn’t think when he said those words. I just can’t look at him right now. He ruined my life. After I raised him and cared for him like he was my own. I feel so hurt. Am I being unreasonable?

I’m going to have to say ESH. **Why your brother is TA** Bringing up your regretful teenaged mistakes is a huge no-no. I don’t know why he would think exclaiming to everyone “hey everyone, my sister is a cheater” was a great move, but I get that it was because he was drunk. Alcohol does make you do stupid things. I can easily see how the lack of judgment caused by inebriation could lead to him thinking that was an acceptable thing to do. **Why your fiancé is TA** Probably the most controversial of them but I think your ex-fiancé sucks the most. I get being hurt in the past because of cheating (I know that pain all too well), but he’s holding a mistake you made when you were a teenager against you. Assuming you’re being honest, you never cheated on him, you’ve never given any indication that you did, and the relationship was otherwise fulfilling, breaking off an engagement over something you did a decade ago is overkill. **Why you’re TA** You’re misdirecting your anger. I get being upset because your fiancé left you, but I think that’s more of a fiancé problem than a brother problem. From your story, he wasn’t being malicious, and he’s obviously remorseful. No great relationship should end that suddenly and without warning, especially considering it happened a *decade ago*. I wouldn’t let this blimp ruin an otherwise good relationship with your brother. Forgive him.

[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/c5lpau/aita_for_not_telling_my_wife_that_i_am_dying/) Hey all. I wasn't sure if I was going to make this update, but things are getting gloomier, and I feel that I owe you guys the closure you deserve, for all the help you gave me (as well as the multiple news stories lol). Although I didn't respond much, due to everything being so new and overwhelming, I want each of you to know that I read every single comment and message, multiple times, over the past year and a half. I did end up telling my wife, soon after my post. She took it rough, as expected. It ruined me to see her that way, but I knew that I needed to tell her. She did enjoy reading through the original thread though, as many of you had heartwarming thoughts and messages. We took the time that we needed to ensure that she would be setup as best as possible. Following that, we went and spent the best 4 months of my life in Australia. The experience was amazing, and I couldn't have asked for a better dying wish. We came back just in time for COVID. Honestly, I was scared to death (and still am), but somehow I've lasted this long. I've lost much of my strength, and hospice has come in to setup the house and ensure that I am comfortable enough to die. I had thought that I would be dead by now, so it is hard to complain about getting a little extra time. I've left a large collection of greeting cards in possession with a friend-- birthday's, first anniversary without me, remarriage, children's birth and birthdays (if she uses my sperm). I didn't tell her about any of these, just because some of these events aren't guaranteed. But I know that they can help if the time comes around. Overall, I'm content (about as content as I can be). There's a lot of things I would have done differently in life if I had known this would happen, but that's unfortunately out of my control. However, I do know that I did the most I could have done with the remaining time I was given. I am just glad that I had time left while I still had my health, as I know that many aren't as lucky. Thanks again for all of your help. I'll answer any questions you guys have, so long as it isn't personally identifiable (which includes my medical information, as my town paper was thoughtful enough to write an article about me). Just be patient please; even typing for long periods of time gets painful.

Hey man. I was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma cancer 5 years ago. I fortunately beat it (so far) with immunotherapy drugs, however I expect it will return before I'm able to live to full retirement. I *knew* I would be dead within 6 months. It didn't bother me at all though. Here's how I viewed it. We live in the best time in all of human history. You were able to fly 35k ft in the air at 400mph to Australia. No human *ever* in history up until around 100 years ago ever got to experience such an awe inspiring thing. You've been able to eat better than any king in the history of humanity. Think about the food available to us today. Imagine how kings thought they ate so good all throughout history, they didn't experience probably 1/100th of the food you were able to experience in your life. This goes for drink as well. The *best* things in life are actually the most simple. Hot coffee outside on cool mornings. Grilling a great steak with a cold beer while the sky turns orange as the sun sets. Kittens purring, puppies playing. My point is this. They estimate there have been around 80-100 billion humans who ever lived. Most humans that ever lived are already gone. But you my friend lived better than 99.9% of them. You won the human lotto. We all did. Drink a cold one for me buddy because I'll be right behind you, we are *all* right behind you. See you on the other side. Edit: Wow. I just woke up to a hundred messages. Thanks for the awards. I'm humbled.

I have big boobs. I’m currently at 52kg and there’s nothing I can do to change the size of these things unless I have surgery. I’m also extremely shy and from a very conservative family so my resentment and shame towards my bust is an ongoing issue. My friend *Sarah is one of those unfiltered free thinkers who says whatever is on her mind. She’s also slim and her chest is very much in proportion to the rest of her body. We work together and I’m always secretly jealous of how great shirts and tops look on her whereas I feel I look very sloppy and unprofessional with oversized, ill fitting clothes. Sarah has this way of always bringing up my boobs in conversation, starting off complimentary but often ending with an subtle insult. She knows they’re a physical feature I’m uncomfortable with but doesn’t let up. Examples of things she’ll say is how my boobs look good now but give it a few years, and they’ll be down to my knees, hahaha! Or she’ll show me comments on reddit where people are discussing chest size preferences and most are commenting how they much prefer a smaller bust over large. Or just a general reminder of how work or men will never take me seriously because of my ‘cartoon boobs’. I know she’s trying to have lighthearted fun but it gets to me and I’ve told her a few times to drop it before. Now we’re working from home, we all have daily video calls and meetings. Uniform is not necessary and can wear what we like. A few days ago, it was extremely hot and I was wearing a lighter, more revealing top than my usual baggy coverups. During this video call, in front of 6 other colleagues, Sarah starts vocalising her thoughts on my appearance: *‘Holy shit! Put those away! You look like you’re in a porno. We don’t need to see that first thing in the morning, hahaha.’* I was mortified. One other colleague laughed along but the rest looked uncomfortable. I felt close to tears, made an excuse and left the meeting. Sarah called me up half an hour later asking me what was wrong and I went off on her. Told her to go fuck herself and was sick of her constant jabs about my appearance. I went on a 10 minute tirade and hung up. Sarah has been off sick since that day and we haven’t spoken again. I’m wondering if I was too harsh and maybe should call and apologise for my outburst? Was I TA? **Edit:** I’m fuming. I just spoke with a colleague, *John, (who was part of the video call that day) and he told me that Sarah’s been telling everyone that it’s ME that’s been bullying her and making her feel insecure about her appearance. When she made those comments during the meeting, it was in retaliation to how I’ve made her feel. Apparently, I said she looks like a boy and called her flat chested and ugly several times in the past. I have NEVER and would never say this! I don’t even understand the stupid ‘boy body’ insult because a small bust has always looked very beautiful and classy in my eyes. Anyway, John knows she’s full of shit and has suggested we speak with HR. The others will also back me up. I know most people here suggested I do this and I wasn’t sure at first but fuck it, I’m reporting her. I don’t know why I ever considered her a friend, she’s fucking mental and annoying. **Edit 2:** I now feel stupid for even asking the question AITA. I thought I may have been at one point because the video call was amongst mostly work mates rather than clients and I wasn’t sure if my sensitivity towards my body image made me overreact to a joke that could have been innocent (I now realise it wasn’t). I’ve also spoken to another coworker who is closer to Sarah and she thinks Sarah may have already reported me to HR. She said the phone conversation we had after the meeting was filled with abusive bullying language and physical threats. It wasn’t a pleasant phone call but the worst thing I said was she go fuck herself and that I don’t want to speak to her again. The rest of the conversation was just rehashing all the comments she made about my body and how it made me feel. She also claimed that I have been making inappropriate jokes about her appearance and work ethic(?) through the years and this confrontation was a long time coming. She also suggested that I’ve convinced the guys in the office to take my side by being a flirt and a tease (did I mention that I’m stupidly shy?) My head is swimming and I think I may be dealing with an actual psycho. I don’t know how it’s come to this ridiculous level of craziness. All I wanted to do was get on with my fucking work in peace and get through this crappy time but now I have to deal with this bullshit. **Update:** Just to answer a few questions I’ve seen: - I’ve contacted HR with my complaint. I have a lot of old text messages and emails with comments and memes Sarah has sent making fun of my chest size. John and other colleagues are fully supporting me as well as my manager. It will take a while for them to get back to me but I’m confident that things will be sorted and Sarah will be dealt with. - My breasts alone aren’t 52kg (114lbs). My overall weight is 52kg. I mentioned this because my chest seems much larger on my small frame making clothes that others wear and look nice in, look completely gaudy and cheap on me. I can’t lose anymore weight to make a difference on my bust size. I won’t get surgery but I have been working on my body image issues which my shyness and upbringing did a number on. People’s comments don’t usually devastate me as they once did but Sarah obviously tried her best to break me down. - Thank you to all for clothing suggestions. I will definitely look into tailoring some tops and have spent some time checking out Bravissimo which looks great. - In hindsight, I should have confronted Sarah more sternly in the past but I guess I was trying to avoid conflict. Others have suggested I may have allowed her to gaslight me which may be true. I just want to move on at this point. **Update 2:** The coworker (*Lucy), who keeps in contact with Sarah and told me earlier that Sarah may have reported me to HR, has just phoned to tell me that Sarah has suffered a serious panic attack. Lucy does not want to take sides but has suggested I reconsider taking drastic action. Sarah is too unwell to talk to me herself but has asked I drop my complaint and she will drop hers, citing the whole thing as a misunderstanding and stress-induced disagreement. I have had panic attacks before in my life and I seriously felt like I was going to die. It’s a horrible feeling and if Sarah has honestly just had one herself, I don’t want to push her too far. I still want to address her comments over the video call but I’m wondering if I should just drop the other complaints. Sarah has asked to move teams so we don’t directly work with one another but it doesn’t seem she wants to apologise yet. And just to clarify to people who assume I was wearing a bikini top or boob tube during the meeting, I wasn’t. It was a short sleeved plain tshirt which hugged my breasts more than my usual baggy tops. I don’t like to hold grudges and I think getting her fired during a time like this may be a shitty thing to do. I feel she has already punished herself by displaying this fucked up behaviour to others and losing a lot of respect from coworkers. If we don’t ever have to interact with one another, I’m up for that. I have a suspicion that Sarah may have found this post and read it which I thought I would feel bad about but I really don’t care. **Last Update:** I’m not dropping any of the complaints. Sarah (fuck you Michelle) and I have spoken, and although it started off promising, she is mentally unhinged and without a conscience. I did not realise how deep her hatred runs. Not only did she mock all those things I had told her in confidence about the way my family treated me growing up, she accused me of fucking every guy from work to get ahead. Now I know where some of those fake office rumours about me came from. I’ve been such a naive idiot and allowed my shyness and aversion to conflict to stop me from fighting people who manipulate and walk all over me. I don’t need this misery in my life. If she’s reading this, get professional help immediately. I know you desperately fancy John and, as you said, despise the way he looks at me. I know it bothers you that he took my side and has been a great support. Maybe I will go for drinks with him when lockdown ends. If I don’t make any new updates, just assume that the right person was reprimanded and faced the consequences of their words and actions.

Absolutley NTA. On a *work call??!!* That's workplace sexual harassment. If it ever happens again, contact HR. Edit: I want to echo what many others below have said. You don't need to wait to tell HR- you should feel encouraged to do it now. You have witnesses who were clearly uncomfortable with the situation as well. The choice here is yours.

My son was born when I was only 15 years old, and I’ve been a single dad since I was 18. It was hard living for a long time money-wise but I always tried to do best by my son. Today I own my own gym and my son is now 22 and going to college and works at my gym full-time. He came out to me when he was 14 years old and I’ve always been supportive of him and his identity. I’ve been with my fiancé now for about 2 years and while she does come from a very deep religious and conservative family, she has never had any issue with my son – at least nothing she has ever expressed to me. My son has been dating his boyfriend since he was 18 and I’ve gotten to know him really well. However my fiancé told me recently that she does not want my son’s boyfriend to come to the wedding nor does she want her parents to even get the inclination that my son is gay. That if they found out, they would have a complete fit. This really bothered me because I refuse to ask my son to go back in the closet. What is going to happen in the future? When my son gets married himself? Will they want him and his husband barred from other family events? He’s my son and will be the best man and it would be unfair to deny him a plus one because her family has an issue with gay people. When I told her this, she got very angry with me and told me that I was being selfish and over-dramatic – that it would just be for this one day, that she wants the perfect wedding. I told her that this was unacceptable and that I was not going to ask my son not to bring his boyfriend. It’s my wedding too and I was his boyfriend there. After that I got the silent treatment for a day and since then it hasn’t been discussed again. However, it has left an extremely bad taste in my mouth and has me contemplating calling the wedding off. I do not want to marry into a family that would potentially discriminate against my son. I love my fiance very much but my son will always come first. I told my brother and he said that I was being the asshole here – that it would just be for one day and that since my son is an adult, it’s unlikely that he would have that much interaction with his “step grandparents” in the future anyway. I still don’t feel comfortable about the entire situation and am really thinking about calling the wedding off. Would I be the asshole if I did this? Am I being unreasonable here?

Holy cow NTA. You should also seriously reconsider marrying this person. Your son's feelings take obvious priority of the feelings of your in laws, *who aren't even related to your son*.

My husband and I 30s haven't been on a trip (out of coutry) for years. while he goes every year with his best friend. his reasons for going with him is because they both go to attend sporting events. This year, my husband told me I could go with him and his friend since they were visiting a new destination. He paid for my ticket and everything else since I'm a sahm and have no job. the kids were left with my mom. However. When I found out that he had booked 1st class for himself and his friend while I got economy. I just couldn't hold my tongue. I confronted him about it and he at first refused to discuss then when the argument got heated he yelled "I PAID FOR YOUR TICKET FFS!!! ISN'T THAT ENOUGH???" then kept on about how I should stop acting like I was "royalty" and that if I come to think about it, even economy is fine for me since I "technically" don't work anyway. I cried because of what he said but decided to just not go altogether. He changed his tone and started begging me to just go with what he planned but I declined. I went to pick the kids from my mom's house and he came back 3 hrs later huffing and buffing about what happened. His friend sent me a text calling me entitled, and said this was the reason why he didn't want my husband to take me with them and I just proved his point. I did not respond but I blocked him since he's gotten increasingly rude over the past few months. He (my husband) said I keep crying about being excluded and this is what happens when he finally decides to include me. amitheasshole for not settling for economy? by the way he's perfectly capable of financing the trip.

If you’re a SAHM then all the money he earns is SHARED FUNDS. There is no “him” paying, in fact you paid for his first class ticket as much as he paid for your economy ticket. The level of disrespect is astounding. Divorce him and get half plus alimony. NTA

This is a shitty situation but here we go. Me and my daughter, Anya, are from India. Our native language is Hindi. She 11 years old now. Her father died when she was 5 and I immigrated to states because everyone was trying to get me remarried to a 60 year old sleazebag because "oh no. How ever will a woman live or raise a child alone". I stated dating my now-husband when Anya was 6. He had a 5 year old son, Ben (50% custody). Me, Anya, Ben, Husband and Ben's mum get along really well. The kids were very well adjusted and they were genuinely happy when we got married. Whenever tensions arose, we dealt with them patiently. Let's just say after walking through the minefield of Indian family/drama, diffusing these toy bombs were very easy. Anya has a habit of talking in Hindi when she gets really excited. Sometimes, while talking to me, she starts talking in Hindi without even realising it. This wasn't a problem. If she does that while others are around, I would remind her and she would revert back to English. Few months ago, Ben's mum passed away and he came to live with us full time. He has a room already and we put Ben into therapy immediately. A week ago, Ben walked in when me and Anya were cooking and we were talking in Hindi and he started crying. He told me he is feeling bad that he can't understand what we are saying. I hugged him and consoled him and assured him that we didn't do it to exclude him purposefully. And then Anya started crying and apologised. The whole thing was just heartbreaking. Since then, Anya has been making concious efforts to talk only in English and I can tell that it puts Ben at ease. Yesterday, however, she was frustrated and started lamenting about school work in Hindi to me. Me and Anya were in the living room and Ben and husband were in the kitchen and they heard it. Later that night, my husband told me how he thinks we must start thinking about giving punishments whenever she speaks in Hindi unconsciously until Ben starts feeling better. I was horrified at this suggession. I have never pulled the "She is my daughter, not yours" card. But this is the hill I am willing to die on and use that card if necessary. Whether he likes it or not, it's her first language. Expecting her to always converse in her second language, even when she is feeling some extreme emotions is just cruel. Especially after she is genuinely making an effort to make Ben feel more comfortable. It's almost like punishing for her heritage or for her being Indian. Of course, this is a huge point of conflict between me and my husband. I think it's unfair to do this to Anya, even temporarily. He thinks me and Anya are unnecessarily making feel Ben bad while he is mourning his mother, while we can try and prevent it. Both of us are conflicted here. Who is the asshole here?

edit: NTA. Your husband is TA. Punishing somebody for unintentionally speaking their native language is absolutely abuse and will fuck up your daughter. A gentle reminder is all that is needed. If your husband presses this, please leave. Your daughter deserves better than to be abused for speaking her native tongue. If Ben is feeling so left out, he should be made to learn Hindi.

Hello reddit. It has been a couple months since my last post and so much has happened. [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/m47ual/aita_for_being_upset_with_my_husband_for_using_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I first want to thank EVERYONE who reached out and snapped me out of this daze with my SOON TO BE EX! He was extremely toxic and just made me feel not even worth anything. Thus probably why it was so hard to see he wasn't it. So I want to thank everyone who offered words of encouragement and even the tough love. I needed to hear it. After he went back to his parents he was waiting for my apology (which I never did) and when he noticed I drained our joint bank he escalated saying I was his and how I could never actually leave him and that he "owned" me, all of my success was his and without him I would a loser drop out. His family was even worse because I had already blocked them so they started making fake accounts and using apps to hide their number to harass me. Saying I ruined their sons life and how he sacrificed everything to get me where I am to throw him to the side like this was disgusting and I deserve to rot. I provided all this to my lawyer who recommended I take a restraining order (in case he wanted to escalate further) and to not engage EVER but just keep the records. This has caused my anxiety to go through the roof and I am working on this with my therapist. I have separated the finances completely and changed my banks, even told them my stbx is NEVER allowed to access these accounts because he would take it all and run. I have changed my number and gone completely social media less(besides this). Part of me is broken that our marriage came to end over a computer. I keep thinking I am stupid and how I couldn't see the warning signs. I must look like a fool to everyone. All in all I'm slowly picking up the pieces of my life and figuring out how to move forward. Thank you to anyone still reading this and thank you everyone who helped me get here. Summary: I am officially filing for divorce after I never apologized to him which only made my soon to be ex-husband and his family started harassing me to the nth degree. I was having a panic attack everytime the phone rang so I had to change my number and delete any social media. I am gaining my freedom from my toxic partner and his family.

Your marriage didn't come to an end because of a computer. It came to an end because of your SO. That just happened to be the final straw that opened your eyes to the reality of your relationship. I know this hurts, but it will get better!

Hello! I f23 have been married to my husband m26 for a year. I'm in my last year of university and been so so busy for the last two weeks, with many projects and finals looming. My husband complains from seeing me studying and not doing activities together or hanging out with friends anymore. I've told him it's not gonna last forever and that I need to focus because this is my last year and it's been the hardest. The day before the exam he wanted me to go with him to a friend's birthday party. I refused because I was busy preparing for my exam. he pleaded with me saying it's just one hour and talked about how his friends will be upset if I'm not there. I said no and shut down any further discussions. He got upset and called me selfish and inconsiderate but then dropped it. Before I went to bed, I set my alarm clock like I always do since I'm a heavy sleeper+I stayed up late studying. The next morning I woke up at 9am. I literally freaked out and checked my alarm and found that it was set to go off at 9:30 am. I had no idea how this happened til my husband told me he did this to repay me for refusing to take one, one hour to attend the party so he took this hour from my time. I couldn't believe it I absolutely blew up at him just yelling and screaming at him left and right. He just stood there shocked from my reaction and my rage. I got dressed quickly and rushed to the university. They didn't let me into the exam hall. I got into a lot of hassle to get them to re-schedule the exam especially since I had no legit reason as to why I was late. It was awful is all I can say. I went home and my husband and I stopped speaking to each other. He kept acting as if I hurt his feelings and traumatized him by yelling. And that I deserve what he did since he was frustrated with my continual refusal to attend all events for the past 2 weeks. I might be wrong for not considering it but I think that my exams should be a priority and his way of "teaching me a lesson" was not right.

NTA Holy shit, your husband wanted to actively ruin your future because of a fucking party you couldn't attend? What kind of husband would do shit like that. That's so fucking petty. I think he deserved a lot more than just being yelled at. I would have kicked him out immediately.

My parents divorced when I was 3, and went into separate marriages. I had a rough childhood being split between two different households, it was really messy and made me not want children at all. When I was 20, my parents reconciled after their second marriages had ended and had my brother soon after. I had already been dating my now-wife for a year, and we were eventually married, she agreed with me about not wanting kids. Five years later and my brother is now 6, and all is not well in my parents marriage. My mother had an unexpected hard attack and died. My father did not take it well, and drank himself to death. Obviously my family is morning, and I've been trying to find a home for my brother, none of my half-siblings want him. The only other option would be for him to go into foster care, and I'm not going to let that happen. I told my wife that I was going to become his guardian, and that she did not have to stick around in this marriage if she didn't want to. She did not take it well and is furious that I would choose my brother over her. I doubt my marriage will survive, but I can't let my brother go into foster care. EDIT: LC

INFO It kinda depends how the convo went down. If I base my opinion solely off the text, you’re an asshole. I would never introduce an idea as “I’m going to do this and if you don’t like it you can leave”

Yeah I know this sounds insane but I’m living in it. So my sister is getting married next February, destination wedding no less. I have doubts whether this wedding is actually going to happen with the pandemic and everything but she is totally set on moving forward. Anyways because of the pandemic, her original venue has made her cut down on guests because they’re cutting capacity by half. As a result she’s sending out “re-invites” that asks everyone to RSVP again. But in order to figure out who to invite and who to cut, she’s asking all confirmed guests to submit two 250-word “essays” to two questions. The gist is that they’ll use these essays to choose who can come or not, based on people’s enthusiasm. People who don’t write the essays at all will be automatically disqualified. I just feel really insulted by all of this. The questions aren’t even pandemic-related, its broad topics like ”why do you still want to celebrate this day with us?” And “what will attending our wedding mean to you specifically?” So she’s blatantly looking for people to kiss ass and tell her why they REALLY want to go. Anyways I told her in advance I’m not writing 500 words on why I NEED to attend her wedding, spend my own money on plane tickets/hotels, and buy her a present. This has really rubbed her and my parents the wrong way. She’s said that to keep things fair if I don’t fill out the RSVP correctly I won’t be saved a spot. I said fine with me. Then my parents said if I don’t show up I’m going to be in big fucking trouble with all our relatives so just write the essays. AITA if I stay stubborn on this? I’m already annoyed at the thought of spending thousands and coming home to quarantine. But I will not belt out 500 words on how this is totally my choice. AITA? Edit: I’m 27F. I don’t live with family but she is my only sister. Edit2: Sister has framed these essays as “surveys” but there’s a word limit requirement so if you don’t reach it on the google forms you can’t even submit. Parents think this is perfectly reasonable, nice even, because sister is letting everyone have the chance to attend.

NTA. I would definitely send in two essays. The first would say “Mom/Dad said I have to come or I’m in BIG trouble” over and over again until you hit 250. The second, “I’m your sibling.” ETA: Thank you for the award!! ETA 2: Holy moly thank you guys so much for the awards and gold!!! You guys are insanely awesome. Also, this is my first top comment!!

My husbands girl best friend (we'll call her Madison) has never liked me, for reasons I guess I will never know. Anyways my fiance (we'll call him Michael) and I were having a hangout with a little bit of the friends that we shared. It was nearing the end of the night and Madison was the only "friend" left when Madison came out crying with Michael looking angry, (I was around nine months pregnant at the time). The thing that really caught my attention is when Michael called me a raging b\*\*\*\* and a c\*\*t. Myself being a hormonal pregnant women started crying at the name calling. I asked through my tears what was going on and he then proceeds to tell me about a text message I sent to Madison. In the message I told her to f\*\*\* off and about how Michael and I would not allow her near our child. I will admit that I did send this, but it was taken completely out of context, I only sent this text after the many racist text messages that she sent me talking about my child and I. I am biracial. Instead of hearing me out Michael kicked me out of the house that we shared (his name was on the lease). Without arguing I decided to leave not wanting to start anything else, as I was walking out the door I felt a cramp in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of this because I was not due for another three weeks, when I flinched from the pain Michael told me to stop faking. On the way to my moms house I felt a gush of water and immediately turned the car around so that I would make it to the hospital. While driving I took out my phone to call Michael but my call was quickly declined. At this point I was in to much pain to call anyone else and arrived at the hospital. I pushed for two hours without an epidural and gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Grace Noel. Giving birth without my fiance by my side was the final straw for me, I decided to do something and post all the hurtful messages Madison sent me on facebook. Maybe 45 min-1 hour later Michael calls me asking me if we could talk, I inform him about my whereabouts and he shows up about 42 minutes later. He has tried to apologize multiple times, But I dont think I can forgive him. I went through the pain of pushing out an 8 pound baby by myself all because he chose to believe his best friend without listening to his fiance. AITA for not wanting to forgive him??

He not only missed the birth of your daughter, he called you grossly misogynistic names, believed his toxic friend and wouldn't even listen to you, kicked you out of the house nine months pregnant, and when you showed signs of pain from going into labor as you packed to go, accused you of faking. That he didn't ask for an explanation of why you told Madison to fuck off speaks volumes. He wouldn't take your calls as you rushed to the hospital, and you had to post his toxic friend's nasty messages on social media for him to realize what a jerk he was and talk to you. You should have refused the call. There are lots of things he's done that would warrant your decision not to forgive him, not just making you go through labor alone. NTA

Background: I'm (F23) one of only a few female students in a male-dominated course. Furthermore, I am at a highly prestigious university and I haven't really gotten along with the guys on my course. They are all very competitive and I just don't really enjoy their company - everything turns into a pissing contest, and they definitely take me less seriously because I'm a woman. I stopped interacting with them beyond the mere minimum and choose to hang out with other people. Anyway: I did well in our recent exams (I topped two out of four exams we had so far). Our prof congratulated me during class (I wouldn't have advertised this myself). Ever since then, my interactions with a specific group of male classmates have gotten weird. They're now outright rude and challenge me aggressively in class discussions. We recently had some presentations and one of them chose to do theirs on, to put it simply, "pretty privilege" - they specifically pointed to two papers that suggested that pretty female students get overscored in assessments. The other guys in the group snickered and one even gave me a wink. Afterwards, I heard them in the hallway joking that "they had experience with that themselves". I've been seeing a PhD student within our department for a month. He has literally nothing to do with our course. Well, we ran into one of my course mates A together. The next day in class his friend B asked me if "my boyfriend" helped me with exams. He said this intentionally loudly and in front of the professor, who heard this. I replied that I don't have a boyfriend (cause he's not my bf), but then B pointed out that he had run into me with the PhD student, making a point to say his name (the prof knows him). I just replied that we're only friends. They didn't let up - I heard that they discussed this thing in two more classes, in earshot of the professors. Both times they suggested I got help for my exams ( I wasn't even seeing him then). I didn’t confront them, but this has been causing me so much anxiety - even without the exam accusations, I worked hard to get here and I don’t want to be known among the faculty for my dating life. I raised this issue with my supervisor, without the intention of taking it any further, but I wanted her advice as a woman in academia. She convinced me to let her email their supervisors "to remind them of proper conduct" and described their treatment of an "unnamed female student". She didn't name me, but they figured it out. They confronted me after class and asked my why I would report their “silly joke“. Apparently, their supervisors are now very cold towards them and less interested in helping. It’s not a formal complaint - only their supervisors know - but one of them, C, said his supervisor writes the reports for his financial aid/scholarship and it was my fault if he lost out on that. I now feel a bit embarrassed and this was compounded by a friend telling me I took it to far cause C shouldn't lose out on his scholarship. So, reddit - AITA? edit: grammer

NTA Any retaliation should also be reported. They're angling for some big problems if they keep this up.

Train is packed, it's hot, I'm tired and looking for a place to sit. Everything was occupied, but at one point I see an old lady get up and start making her way to the doors. I went over to sit in new place, but found a purse in it instead, belonging to the girl in the window seat. I asked her if she could move the purse, but she didn't respond. I noticed she had headphones in, so I figured I'll just pick up the purse and hand it to her as I'm sitting down. As soon as I touched that thing, she went off on me with the most disgusted look and tone, asking me what the fuck I was doing. I explained. She then had the nerve to lie that she was keeping the seat for her friend. I told her I knew for a fact she was alone because I just saw the old lady get up, to which she did not respond. So I started making my way down, forcing her to pick up her purse if she didn't want it crushed under my ass. This released an even bigger tirade and series of "what the fuck is your problem"-s. I saw another old lady looking for a seat and approaching ours, so I figured I'd had enough petty bullshit, turned around to the girl - who was slightly overweight - locked eyes with her and told her "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you actually needed two seats to be able to fit. My bad, I'll get up now". I got up and offered my seat to the old lady, who took it with a smile, seemingly ignoring the huge shitstorm that was spewing out of the girl's mouth as I was walking away. I noticed some people gave me dirty looks, but others were chuckling, so I kinda wondered if I stepped too much out of line there.

NTA: Funny as fuck.

I (28F) do babysitting on the weekends to make some babysitting on the weekends to make extra cash. There is one family I definitely should've fazed out by now but the kids are cute and if I don't have another job, it's easy money. My issue is, the mom is never home on time. She used to not give me return times but finally I started asking as it made it impossible to get anything done on the weekends. I'd go babysit so she could go to "brunch" but she'd be gone from 11 AM to 7 PM. My whole day was gone. After that, she'd start giving me times but never stick to them. She wouldn't even call to tell me, she'd just stay out. On Saturday, I got to her house at 6 and she was supposed to be home by 9. I told her she needed to be on time because I had plans to go out with friends. I was even getting ready at their house after I put the kids to be. She promised. Of course, 9:00 rolls around and she's not home. I call her, no response. Text, no response. Another hour. Nothing. Still calling and texting. Finally, it is midnight. By this point, my plans are long ruined but I'm pissed and exhausted. I call her and leave a voicemail saying if she's not home in the next hour, I'm considering the kids abandoned and calling the cops. I also text her this. I try calling her 30 minutes later and it goes to voicemail on the second ring, I text her again and she leaves me on read. If she had reached out saying "Hey, I'm staying out until x time", I would've stayed. I don't know any of her family nor the father of the kids so I can't call them. I gave her a grace period of 15 minutes and tried calling again, finally called the cops (non-emergency line). They showed up and I showed our agreement in text from earlier in the week confirming that she'd be home by 9. They try contacting her, didn't answer. I was dismissed and they took the children to the police station. I go home and go to bed. I am awoken at 3 AM by a frantic call. It's her. Where are the kids? Why am I not here? I tell her I followed through on my threat, check the police station. She cursed me out, I hung up and went to bed. The next day, she sends me an essay saying the kids' father was called and there's a DCF investigation launched against her. She called me every name under the sun but I didn't think I was wrong until I spoke to a friend with kids. She said I should've just waited it out and refuse to ever sit for her again. She asked if her potentially losing her kids was worth me being petty.

Nta. One thing I’ve learned from True Crime is the wait 24 hours to file a missing person thing is a myth. She wasn’t where she said she’d be when she said and wasn’t responding to any communication. She was in fact a missing person at that point:

[update](https://www.reddit.com/user/throwawayz_12345/comments/yy9a7e/update_on_canceling_the_plans_for_thanksgiving/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I (32f) have been with my wife Ava (34f) for 8 years now, but we’ve been married for 5. She was a single mom of three kids when we started dating, she had two daughters (now 10 & 12) and a son (now 16). I’ve watched these kids grow up, I’ve read the bedtime stories, done bath time, the first days of school, pta meetings, all of it. I very much consider them to be my kids, and they’ve been calling me mom for almost 6 years now. My brother Ivan (28m) just had a baby girl with his fiancé Sara (27f). I love my niece, and my kids adore their cousin. My kids have been the only grandchildren on my side of the family since Ava and I got together, and there’s never been a moment where the kids and my wife were treated like they didn’t belong. My brother is their uncle, my mom and dad are their nana and pop— the kids see my family as their family and I always thought that my family felt the same way about them. The kids and I were over at my brother's house just hanging out, and my parents ended up dropping by with gifts for my niece. Ivan laughed when he saw the toys and told our mom and dad that they were going to end up spoiling her rotten. My mom said since my niece is their first grandchild of course they have to spoil her. My kids were sitting in the living room with all of us and my youngest daughter looked hurt when she realized what my mother said. My son and my 12yo didn’t fully react to it, but I could tell it bothered the both of them too. Sara spoke up and said “oh you mean first grandbaby, not first grandchild.” My dad shook his head and replied that my niece was their first grandchild. I didn’t want my kids to keep sitting there and listening to that so I handed my son my keys and told him to wait in the car with his sisters. When they were gone, I asked my parents why the hell they’d say that my kids weren’t their grandchildren, and my mom said they couldn’t be their grandchildren because they weren’t really my children. My wife and I were going to be hosting thanksgiving at our house this year, but I told my parents that if they didn’t view my kids as their family, then they could just host a meal at their own house with their “real” family while I spent the holiday with mine. I left before they could say anything else to me, and my wife and I have reiterated to the children that they will always be my kids and I will always be their other mom, regardless of our DNA. My brother is pissed at me now because he thinks I reacted too harshly, and that I should try to see where my parents are coming from. My mom texted saying that she and my dad love the kids, but they still aren’t their grandchildren, and she hopes that we can come to understand that because she doesn’t want this to ruin my niece’s first thanksgiving. I haven’t replied back. I meant what I said, but I’m worried that maybe I’m reacting too harshly. ETA INFO: I adopted all three of the kids about 4 years ago, so they aren't just my parents "step grandchildren". Even if I hadn't legally adopted them, they'd still be my kids in my eyes. Edit no.2: - My wife's parents don't have a relationship with the kids. When my wife came out, they pretty much stopped speaking with her entirely. - Their bio dad is not involved and neither is his family. He lost his rights to the children before Ava and I started dating. The 10yo has never met him, the 12yo doesn't remember him, and the 16yo wants nothing to do with him. - My parents wanted the kids to call them Nana and Pop. I didn't make the kids start calling them that.

NTA. Sister-in-law Sara is a rockstar…She totally tried to save that fumble. Your parents should have picked up on that and caught that pass and saved the situation . Instead they doubled down and argued the point. That’s extremely unfortunate and I’m sorry.

I'm a bit of a jackass I will admit, but hear me out. So today I was at my parent's house to celebrate Christmas Eve with my side of the family (as this year I will be spending Christmas with my girlfriend's this year). Anyways, we opened presents up early this morning. Something I should note about my sister is that she LOVES her children. Which is great and I do love my nephews, but every year she gets me magnets, pictures, blankets and pretty much anything she can plaster her kids on. While it's nice, I don't have a shrine at my house dedicated to them and I know this might sound selfish, but I don't really want them as I don't know what to do with them. They end up in a drawer or something, cause one year she got me a large tapestry thing with her kids on it, and it was HUGE. Obviously I didn't want to hang it up as it quite literally covered the entire wall. I never say anything to her as I don't want to offend her and ruin Christmas. So that's when I had the genius idea of doing the same thing but with my dog. I put him in a little tie, took his picture and put it in a frame. I love my dog as my child, so I figured I'd gift it to my sister. (I also got her a $25 Starbucks card as she's obsessed with them and I wasn't trying to be petty). Anyways, she opens it up and her face drops. Then she goes to me and says, "what the fuck am I supposed to do with this?" Without a thought I said, "same thing I do with yours, it'll look good on your coffee table". Long story short, she got mad, my family is pretty much on my side expect for a couple of people who thought it was funny but in the end "dogs aren't comparable to humans". Which I don't necessarily agree with and wasn't the point of the gift, but whatever, I thought it was funny, but I need unbiased opinons, AITA?

NTA. She got you a wall sized tapestry of her kids. That right there makes her the asshole.

I grow indoor plants and keep them around the house whether by the kitchen window or out on the front porch. I have a variety of plants like Lily, aloe vera, also flowers and they all require care and attention. It's a hobby of mine and because I don't own enough space I just stick to indoor planting. I have a 16 year old stepson Sean who loves to pull all kinds of pranks and has been trying some weird-prankes on me lately. I don't mind it as long as he's happy and also because nothing is too serious just hiding my farming tools/replacing them with damaged ones and so on. He just keeps messing around like any other kid. days ago he posted a FB video of him spraying cold water on me when I was sleeping. It was embarrassing since he shared it with family. I got mad at him and had him delete it despite him begging me to let him keep it. He kept sulking afterwards and had his mom try to convince me to let him repost the video but I thought that was crazy request. Sean suddenly became friendly and asked if he could water my plants, I was glad he asked and gave him the watering can and told him to start with the plants in the kitchen. He was gone for few minutes then he got back and started watering all the plants in the house. Later in the evening I was cleaning my tools and there was a weird smell coming from the watering can. It smelled like bleach. I freaked out and checked my plants and the same smell was coming from them . I confronted Sean and asked what he watered the plants with. He acted dumb and said nothing but I found a bottle of bleach in his room which made me lose my temper. He admitted watering my plants with bleach to get back at me for making him remove the video. I was mortified I immediately canceled the weekend trip to the national park that he was looking forward to. he started crying saying it was too much and he made a mistake in moment of clouded judgement. I refused to discuss it, My wife feels bad Sean hasn't been eating well since I canceled the trip but he damaged my plants and caused me hurt and pain. She thinks an apology was enough, he is a kid and made a mistake. She wanted me to let it go but I said canceling the trip is his official punishment, Period I got called unreasonable and stubborn for this and that I don't respect her as a parent too and said taking away the only thing he cares about the most and look forward the most reeks of ab%$&se. Sean has this mentally that if he admits doing something wrong then he'll be forgiven. This isn't how it should be but his mother thinks admitting to it and apologizing should be the end of it.

NTA. That seems like a reasonable punishment for a horrible, hateful act. >My wife feels bad Sean hasn't been eating well since I canceled the trip He'll get over it.

I have a daughter(27) who was with her boyfriend for 7 years and they got engaged not long ago(just a small party, not many guests). She always talks to me about how she loved him, how he always listens to he and he was made for her. I have agreed with her, since I found i=him to be a good natured man, he was kind and humble and was always respectful to our family. We've met his parents for dinner twice or thrice and they hit me as a little sexist, asking questions to my wife like "I don't know why you're working, isn't that the husband's job? Its the mothers job to be taking care of the children". Now that they wanted to make it more serious, they planned a marriage. Anyways we have been planning about the marriage, and one day her boyfriend comes to me and says that his parents want to talk to me. I was going to call my daughter too, but he said that she wasn't allowed. I went with him and his parents started talking with me about DOWRY. I was confused and said that there was no dowry and in 2020 who even gives dowry?? But boyfriend and his parents started lecturing me about how necessary it was and how my daughter would be a stay at home wife(my daughter has told me that she wants to continue her dreams so I don't know what this is). Anyways they told me that I should give it a thought and told me not to tell my daughter for the time being. However I immediately told my daughter about it, and she started crying saying she didn't know that her boyfriend was so sexist. She asked me what she could do now, and I told her that she wasn't being forced and could cancel her marriage if she didn't want it. Well, that is exactly what happened and now her boyfriend and his parents are calling me saying I took away the love of his life etc... On top of that, some of her friends (some were bridesmaids) said that I was a asshole for breaking up what would've been a "healthy marriage". But its my daughter's happiness that matters. AITA?

NTA. You saved your daughter from a life of hell. Sorry she had to go through that though. I'm sure it was a shock to realize her ex and her almost-in-laws are misogynistic AH's. Hope she's doing okay. 7 years is a long time. How did this not ever come up before???

I’ve got a younger brother (24) with Aspergers and he’s very high functioning albeit with his quirks. Recently I’ve moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents. My brother still lives with them. I find out he’s been trying to date in recent months and confessed it’s been pretty unsuccessful for him. He even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half hour. I know exactly the reason why and it’s not flattering. For one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family. My mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who’s neurotypical. This has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else, especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational, illogical people. So I know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters. He tends to say very hurtful things first and when we get upset, he will then say things like “you are being irrational/hysterical/illogical, I’m just being honest and you can’t accept it.” This is like his catch phrase over the years and drives us absolutely INSANE. Anyways when he asked me I basically said, “listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist.” I told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he’s pretty much always wrong. This struck the wrong nerve with him and he later complained to my parents that I attacked him over things he can’t control. Now I’m in hot water for “ruining his confidence” and I feel both bad and kinda relieved at the same time. This was the first time in my life I told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset. But maybe I was too harsh? AITA for telling him what I said?

NTA. He asked and you gave a reasonable answer. It doesn’t even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh. Also, it’s kinda hilarious that he calls women irrational, but he loses it after being told the truth. I’d stop coddling him. His autism doesn’t give him a free pass to be a jerk. Edit: spelling.

My mom is really into gardening and sometimes people have come by and stole potted plants, yard statuettes, and even dug whole plant bulbs with plants out of the ground. Or cut all the roses off her bushes because they were too cheap to buy from the florist I guess. Anyway my dash cam of my car which I park in the driveway near the garden bed caught most all of them close up and as a way to help my mom not have her plants stolen I printed all their pictures out and made a poster that said "Oh Hay there! Don't be a Daffy-dil and steal, or else you might end up doing hard Thyme! We hope Thistle be a lesson to Yew! And I put the pictures of everyone stealing from the garden around the border. Also gave each person a funny fake name : "mr potato head" "dill-a-tante" "pothead" "prick" 'Succ-er" " i peony in my pants" "frond-less" 'dirt-bag' 'in-fertile" and "root boy" . I thought it was funny and cutesy, like how can you be offended with dumb plant puns... My mom thought it was hilarious and wanted me to hang it up because she was sick of seeing stuff stolen But I got a couple complains, one neighbor said I needed to take it down because I had a picture of his son a minor who did something dumb yes but was just trying to bring his sick girlfriend flowers. And that is was disproportionate and rude to publicly shame him. I told him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he told me that I was being petty. I called his kid a little Birch which pissed him off and honestly might of been petty. Another guy came to the house and returned a cutting his wife apparently tookbto propogate thinking it would be no big deal... But yeah it damaged the plant because she cut like a quarter off. And he asked if we'd take down the sign because she was on the board of directors or something from the town and whatever. My mom had answered the door and told him to make like a bee and buzz off. Anyway I guess they both know each other and now both these familys are annoyed. AITA for making a petty sign about people stealing from my mom's garden? Hoping to get them to stop?

NTA. These people STOLE. That's a CRIME. And instead of pressing charges or whatever you have created something TRULY DELIGHTFUL. (I wish I were half as clever as you because I'd come up with a pun of my own.) Not only are you not an asshole, you're also my hero.

I got married on Saturday, and it was absolutely amazing except for one thing: my parents showed up late. They knew the ceremony time, and my husband and I made it very clear to everyone, both in the invites and in person, that we were going to start exactly at that time. The venue cost us a lot of money (we paid for the entire wedding ourselves) and we were only able to use it for a limited amount of time, so we wanted to make every minute count. So the wedding day came, and half an hour before we were scheduled to start, my parents still hadn't showed up. My husband and I both called them multiple times but nobody answered. We waited and waited, and still heard nothing. Finally, the start time arrived and my parents still weren't there. I was really pissed off at this point. The wedding coordinator asked if I wanted to go ahead and start the wedding, and I said yes. All of our other guests were already there, and we wanted to be considerate of their time. My parents showed up 15 minutes later and missed the entire ceremony. It turns out they did leave early but got rear-ended at a traffic light and had to deal with insurance, police, etc. They only have a landline, no cellphones, so they couldn't get in touch with me. Obviously there's no way I could have known this. I'm still frustrated with them for not making more of an effort to get to the venue early, and they're furious at me for not delaying the wedding 15 minutes so they could be there. AITA?

NAH - you're not an asshole for starting on time, you had no idea how late they would be. (however I've not been to too many weddings but they did last over 15 mins seemed a bit short but that's not really the issue.) Your parents aren't asshoels because they were literally in a car crash albeit not huge but this is a legitimate reason to be late to any event. Yes your parents should get cellphones and it would of helped your timing of the event. Yes they will be upset that they missed potentially one of the biggest moments in your life but no one in this situation is an asshole. *Edit spelling - however I do think a cat crash does sound super cute *Edit 2 - apparently non religious weddings don't take too long, thank you for informing me reddit :) The only weddings I've been too was ones when I was young and were religious these seem to take longer.

My kids, 6&7, each had an iPad mini. Over the summer they were having a rough time, constantly fighting with each other and just being brats in general. I lost it one day and took their iPads away, saying they were being sold, never to be seen again. Tears were shed. The iPads were cleaned up, put back into their original boxes, accessories packed away, ready for sale...but I couldn’t do it. They went into a box in the closet. Summer passed, fall passed. The kids have been great and I feel they’ve earned them back. Christmas is coming. Money is super tight this year. AITA for wanting to clear the iPads with a factory reset, buy a couple new cases as a distraction and regift them their old iPads as new ones?

Altough im only 15 i would say that that is fair, they lost their ipad for a reason. So giving it back cleaned and with some accessories for christmas wouldn't be a dumb thing, i think it would also teach them a lesson or something. (Again im just 15, you should probably listen to someone else who is an actual adult) NAH Edit: i wanna thank everyone for such great replies! And especially thanks to those telling me that my opinion still matters even though im 15, this has definitely been an much needed ego-boost. *Cough cough* obligatory thanks for the gold kind stranger *cough cough* Edit 2: damn this blew up over the night, so uhm, again thanks for all the great replies and also thanks to *cough cough* the one plat, 2 new golds, and 8 silvers (and the poop knife for that matter) *cough cough*

Original post, here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/g64rsj/aita_for_throwing_away_my_husbands_xbox_after_he/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share First of all, thank you everyone for your immensely kind and considerate responses. I am thankful to each and everyone of you to give me such beautiful and encouraging messages. These kept me going, no joke.  Tippy was found 2 miles away from our house, a day after I posted ads and posters on several platforms and websites. A kind lady living alone had found him near her street, starving and exhausted. She responded to my calls for help on Facebook and I am utterly thankful to her. We need more people like her in this world :')  My son and Tippy are both ecstatic to be reunited, he takes care of him just like he did before, only now I have some time on my hands to help him as well. However, my son is still wary of his father and he'll likely remain so for a long time. Now he doesn't ask him for help at all.  As for my husband, he now treats Tippy as if he doesn't exist. He went and bought a new xbox controller right after Tippy was brought back and now demands that I pay him for damaging his property. I am willing to pay because I realise my impulsive response was not the best decision and nor was it the best way to deal with my situation. My approach towards my husband's Xbox and my husband's approach towards Tippy were both horrible and irrational.  Many of you mentioned that my husband may have been neglecting our daughter. It's unfortunate that you were right.  I started to notice some tender area and red skin around my daughter's diaper area around 2 weeks ago. She was uncomfortable, irritable and put up a fuss every time I tried to change her diaper. Turns out she was suffering from a diaper rash.  Diaper rashes can occur for a variety of reasons, none of which were applying to my daughter. She wasn't on antibiotics, she had soft cotton clothes, her bowel movements were normal and we weren't using any new products on her. This left only one option. Her diapers weren't being changed frequently. I was away from home for 5 days. I asked my husband how many times he had changed her diapers.  A baby her age needs her diaper changed at least once every 3 hours. My husband outright said he was changing them every 7 hours or so for those 5 days because he didn't think that they needed to be changed as much as before because she was now 6 months old. He had raised a son with me before, it's a ridiculous excuse.  The diaper rash is gone now, but now I am scared to ever leave my baby with him when I go to work. I will have to sit down and reconsider everything and have a long talk with him soon. It's inevitable. He still plays Xbox just like he used to play before. I will never forget how a bunch of strangers jumped to help me find our dog. Thank you, you lovely people. ♥️ Edit: Please check out my account for a beautiful and heartwarming message I just recieved :)

Happy to hear that Tippy was found but from your update there's still a long road to getting things resolved. If your little girl isn't getting a diaper change for 7 hours though that's terrible since it means she's getting no interaction either since presumably he's not close enough that the smell bothers him. So sorry you're going through this, hope the counseling works but you may want to think of alternate help if you can get it for the sake of the kids.

I M39 lost my late wife 6 years ago. I have a16 year old son 'Daniel' and I recently got engaged to my fiancee of 2 years. Her mom and I aren't on good terms because of how she behaves. She's a controlling, self-centered, Dolly parton wanna be. I learn to ignore her crap but she's been annoying Daniel and criticizing his personality regularly (he's a private kid and still hasn't gotten used to the new family dynamic but he's in therapy and is doing fine) she keeps diagnosing him left and right calling him anti-social, autistic and other crap. Fact is, Daniel is a shy, well manared kid but people confuse that with being "anti-social". MIL tried several time to force Daniel to "open up" by embarrassing him with personal questions on family dinners and "test" his personality type. I've realized the effect her behavior had on Daniel so I gave him the choice to no longer be in the same room/house as MIL and he appreciated this alot. MIL didn't like that Daniel kept his distance and no longer visits and kept bitching about how spoiled he will become for her daughter to deal with. I told her to stop bringing it up but she cried "I'm just doing this for Daaannny;" Last week she visited unexpectedly wanting to say hi to Daniel. After Daniel greeted her he went into the bathroom and she went into the livingroom with my fiancee. I was in my bedroom when Daniel came and said his journal was gone. We looked for it but didn't find it. I asked my fiancee who was alone in the kitchen but didn't see it. I paused for a second to ask where MIL was, My fiancee said in the living room but I saw her coming down the stairs. I asked where she was, she said the bathroom. I saw her purse in hand so I bluntly asked if she took Daniel's journal. She looked offended and called for my fiancee when I insisted to see inside her purse. She wanted to leave but I didn't let her. Fiancee told me to stop it but I insisted and the journal was there. MIL tried to explain this was her only chance to get to know Daniel better because "she cares about him". I blew up at her and berated her for stealing from my son and told her she's banned from my house for the stunt she pulled. she argued with me then left. My fiancee apologized for her but said banning her from the house was over the top. It backlashed and and FIL argued and hoped his daughter realizes how f///ing ab///ve I am and call off the wedding for refusing to apologize to MIL. Fiancee said her family won't come to the wedding til I reconcile with her mom and cancel the ban but I won't let my son be disrespected in his own house and asked my fiancee to understand. I'm refusing to reconcile but am aware this could ruin my relationship with all my inlaws not just MIL and my fiancee thinks I'm selfish to cause drama.

NTA and if I were you I’d put off the wedding until you know for sure that your fiancée understands and will stand up for your son (and you) to her family when shit like this happens. I think the ban is 1000% justified.

I am 100% being petty here but curious if I am actually wrong. Most of my husbands family think I am being childish and "need to let the past go", as my SIL can't afford this but her behavior toward us in the past makes me feel this is warranted. 2 years ago my house burnt to the ground after being struck by lightening. Thankfully it was during the day so our 3 kids were at school and my husband and I were at work. We lost everything but we were safe. It took almost 11 months for the insurance to pay out. The insurance covered 1 month worth of hotel stays but after that we were made to fend for ourselves and the only option we had was to move in with my SIL. She tells us we can have her spare room and her office space, since she used neither of the rooms and her stipulations was we needed to purchase all of our own food and pay her $100 a week. By week 3 all of that changed. She then decides we need to pay her $250 a week and we can only use one room. So all 5 of us were crammed in to the smallest room she had, which was the size of a glorified closet space and didn't even fit a twin bed and a small dresser (so we lived out of trash bags and slept on the floor) for close to $1000 a month some months and still had to purchase all of our own food, despite her claiming my children on her foodstamps. She also had no bills outside of her land tax ($450 a year), electric and heating oil (which she hardly ever filled). So we were essentially paying her so she could do leisure activities. It was the worst 8 months of my life. 3 months ago my grandmother decided that she wanted to go to assisted living after a fall and transferred the deed of her house to me and basically said it was mine now. It is a 5 bedroom farmhouse. My boys insist on sharing a room so we have 2 extra bedrooms. Well, my SIL lost her house last month due to not paying her land tax for several years and asked if her and her step daughter could stay with us until they get enough money to move down south. I said sure, 1 bedroom, $800 a month and you have to buy and cook all your food separately because my daughter is vegan. She looked at me like I had 10 heads and said that she and her step daughter should not be made to share a room when there are 2 extra rooms and stated she cannot afford a rent of $800 while purchasing all of her own food on top of it. I said "neither could we but we managed to cram 5 people in to a glorified closet space while you were getting $1000 and foodstamps. Take it or leave it." She decided to leave. Again, I am being told I am childish. AITA?

NTA. It’s $250/month for the room and $750/month for you having to see her stupid face every day. You’re giving her an 80% discount on the rent because she’s family.

This has been causing a conflict with my entire family. And they think that I'm being selfish and unreasonable. Let me explain first. I M39 lost my son in 2019 due to a chronic heart condition. He was 15 years old. It was devastating and I just couldn't take it especially when my family did little to nothing to support me during these difficult times. They didn't bring my son meals when he was at the hospital. They didn't let me go home and rest even for a few hours. They didn't take care of other things while I had a lot to deal with I wasn't offered any help just words. They'd just talk but do nothing. Despite the struggle. I've created an account for my son's college fund and kept putting whatever I could get at the time and me and my son would talk about that a lot. He was depressed but always believed that he was going to get better and continue his education and attend college. I started saving money To keep him motivated and to make him feel like he could be like any other kid with hopes for a good future. He had a very close friend that's about the same age as him. They were friends for 5 years, and I can't express how his presence in my son's life helped him through the worst days, sometimes his friend would spend the night with us and try to get my son to do activities and lighten up his mood all the time. To be frank his friend was closer to him than his own family. He never stopped visiting and asking how I'm doing after my son's death. He'd show me handmade projects he made for my son and as a way to remember him and we'd sometimes just sit and talk together or cry together. Last week. While I was with my family my sister asked me what I was going to do with my son's college money. I didn't wanna mention this but since she asked I told her that I will be giving the money to my son's friend. She barely even recognized his friend and was confused and said that my nephew deserves this money since he's family. My mom agreed that I wasn't thinking straight and that I should help the people close to me-family and that my nephew has a right to go to college and I was wrong for giving this "opportunity" away to someone else. I didn't know what to say they kept pointing out that I was making a mistake and how my nephew will resent me if he finds out. Thing is my nephew wasn't close to my son I don't even know why he'd be bothered. My sister went on about not being able to afford my nephew's college I told her this was my decision and I felt more comfortable that way. She started lashing out, constantly texting me constantly wanting to talk to me and ending up arguing. When I snapped she had my mom calling me basically guilttripping me and telling me I'm wrong and that I needed to think about this. It's just too much pressure and I'm feeling lost and unable to figure out how to deal with this.

NTA. Ask her what her plan was for her son’s college if yours hadn’t died, and then tell her to do that. You aren’t obligated to do anything whatsoever with that money that you don’t want to do.

I (18 f) and my identical twin sister (also 18 f, obviously) have always had a tumultuous and competitive relationship. We’ve always fought over everything; guys, clothes, friends, etc. but our relationship came to a halt a few weeks ago when a mutual guy friend of ours sent me a link to an onlyfans profile, with an attached message that stated “this u?” Confused, I clicked on the link and was shocked to discover that the profile belonged to my twin sister. The profile picture was very clearly a scantily clad image of her, and the username was my nickname that literally everyone in my life uses. I asked our friend about it and he told me that he had discovered the profile through twitter and then subscribed to the profile, which included dozens of videos of her doing… spicy things to say the least, solo and with partners, all of which with her face showing. I was floored and, in a fit of rage, showed the profile to our parents. I mean… literally anyone who saw that profile that knows us would immediately assume that it’s me considering she’s basically going by my name. Our parents forced her to delete the profile and she hasn’t spoken to me since, claiming that I not only ruined her main source of income, but also betrayed her trust. However, I think that she betrayed my trust by going by my nickname. AITA?

NTA. She exploited *your* identity for profit. She's lucky you only told your parents, instead of suing her.

So I dated a YouTuber. We went out for about a year and it was alright but they were so emotionally invested in their channel that they constantly neglected me and made me feel like I wasn't a priority. Not really important why we broke up, but we broke up. Then I get a bunch of messages from friends about 3 months later telling me to go to their channel. I'm pretty much done with them but I do and I realise they made a video about me where they claim I was emotionally abusive. I continued to get messages from strangers telling me how awful a person I was and how they hoped I died through various means. So I sued my ex. It ruined them. I knew they were financially in a bad spot and they likely couldn't afford court fees but the case dragged. They made a video about not being able to afford court costs and such and how it was going to ruin them. After which a bunch of friends started telling me to just let it go and move on but I had sunk money into the case as well. It wasn't cheap for me either so I didn't just let it go. Eventually the judge ruled in my favor and I received a total of nothing from my ex...... But it meant I could link to the result in the comments section of every video she tried to frame me as the bad guy because in our state, court proceedings are public record. Suddenly her viewership dropped and she blamed me for ruining her life. A bunch of my friends said I went too far and should've just taken the court win and left her alone. Was I the asshole?

NTA - Actions have consequences. Her "content" could have ruined YOUR life, but nobody thinks about that huh?

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fdejfv/aita_for_not_telling_my_fiancee_i_used_to_work_as So I thought of what everyone said and considered both sides. I decided that I didn't want this hanging over my head in our marriage. So it was tough, but shortly afterwards one night I had a few glasses of wine and told him I had something I needed to talk about. I had considered seducing him, having sex and then telling him so I could at least do it one last time but decided that would be manipulative and dishonest. So I sat down and told him: When I said I had "a lot" of sexual partners it was over a stint of about 4 months as an escort. He was taken back a bit and said "That's not something I'd expect." I figured no one would, I dress modestly, I'm pretty conservative with drinking and I volunteer with the kids programs at my church. I had tears in my eyes and asked him if his opinion of me had changed. He said "Well what you did didn't stop you from being the woman I fell in love with so why should it?" I started crying more...tears of joy. I begged him to let me know if he had any apprehensions or questions or if it'd come between us in any way. He said he might have questions about any cool or sexy stories sometime but for now no. He even made a quip about "No wonder you blow my mind in having sex, you were a professional!" Not really the type of joke I'd normally appreciate but in that time it was perfect. And we ended up going to the bedroom not too much later. So now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted and I know just how much my fiancee loves me and what he's willing to tolerate in me. It's wonderful! We're both in lockdown basically now, both working from home and I'm so thankful to be able to be with a wonderful and amazing man who I love so much and who loves me so much. Thanks to everyone!

I'm glad you told him and I'm happy he was accepting of your past, hopefully you too have a fulfilling marriage

I’m an author of mild success. I’m not incredibly popular, but my books sell enough. About 3 months ago, someone from my old high school reached out to see if a student could interview me. I responded that my time at the school wasn’t the happiest, but I would give the student responses relating to my career. We had a great chat. She started asking questions about my time at the school, but I redirected. She caught on to what I was doing and asked “I’m sensing that you’re hesitant to talk about your time at (school). Is that true?” I said let’s focus on the story, and she was like “Actually this could be a better story.” So I said y’know what, sure. Whatever. I don’t owe the school anything, I’m not being paid, and even though it’s been a long time and I’ve grown from what happened, it’s still worth talking about. I mentioned a few names in specific, and how I’d tried to ask for help and was blown off by everyone. Teachers at my school very strongly favored the girls in sports teams, and would often be buddy buddy with them and their parents. I mentioned a teacher who openly mocked the way I dressed, my lack of athleticism, etc. I brought up the time that a group of girls followed me around the school mooing at me and when I broke down crying because they wouldn’t stop and tried to tell a teacher, the teacher called me “Moolly” for the rest of the year and when I yelled “MY NAME IS MOLLY. *MOLLY”* she had me suspended for a week. She ended up publishing the whole interview. Nothing exactly went “viral” but there were posts on FB with a ton of comments and it caused some commotion in that community. A few weeks later, I was contacted by a school official who chastised me for bringing up old wounds and trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people when they were going through difficult times already. The teacher responsible for the “Moolly” incident had a local lifetime teaching award taken away from her after it all came out, so was it really worth it, and maybe did I remember things wrong? Finally, a handful of my old classmates (many of them stuck around town) found me and I was barraged with a ton of messages telling me that I’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members, it was X years ago so why can’t I just get over it, etc. Some of them obviously haven’t changed. It was a long time ago, yes. I don’t know how I really feel about how this all went down though. I know times are tough for teachers right now. I didn’t set out to hurt anyone, I was just telling my truth. AITA? **Edited:** So... I didn't expect this to be so overwhelmingly in favor of NTA. I wasn't looking for validation, but wow. Some of you are sending me heartbreaking stories of bullying and being ignored or gaslit, and I am so sorry. Thank you all for the responses. If the Mods want to take this down because of validation or whatever, please do. I have my answer.

NTA. > trying to paint veteran teachers as bad people You weren't trying to do anything, they *were* bad people. > I’m ruining the reputation of the school and of several prominent community members Those community members did a good job of ruining their own reputations. It's not your fault they're finally being held accountable.

When I (37M) was 17 got my then-girlfriend (16) pregnant with twin boys, her parents didn’t want the babies to “ruin” her future so they said that I had to either take them or give them up for adoption because she was not raising them. I wanted to give them up but my parents told me not to. For the first seven years of my boys’ lives, I didn’t act like a father and was more like a big brother (They knew I was their father though, but we never bonded like father-sons) When I was ready to move out, I wanted to do it without them but my dad let me know it was my responsibility so I had to take them (I didn’t want it at first but I’m glad it happened) We started bonding as father-sons, I started loving them and their love for me increased I remember the three of us would seat on the couch to watch movies, one would sit on my left and one on my right while I wrapped my arms around them, they’d put their heads on my chest and I often kissed their forehead. We’ve been doing this since they were seven. I met my current wife, 5 years ago, (my kids were 15) we married 3 years ago after we welcomed our daughter (4F), she saw me doing this with my kids when we watched movies and she never said anything. My kids are no longer living with us because they left for college, but they come to see me every now and then. My boys are 20 now but they still like to put their heads on my chest while I wrap my arms around them, they do it every time they visit and I’m watching TV. My son, Liam visited me 2 weeks ago, he came out to me as gay and introduced me to his bf. I don’t care how my kids live their sexuality or who they love, I love them no matter what, I just want them to be happy and I don’t feel any different, and it doesn’t make me feel uncomfortable to hug him or kiss his forehead, but it seems that my wife is a little uncomfortable. My son visited me again last Wednesday (Since he was here 2 weeks ago, so the first time “officially out”) I was watching “Red” with my daughter (she was on my left) then my son Liam arrived, he was tired and sat on my right, put his head on my shoulder while I wrap my arm around him, then I kissed his forehead and said, “Good to have you back buddy”. We went to sleep and the next day my wife told me that It made her feel uncomfortable (me hugging and kissing my son) and asked me not to do it again while she doesn’t mind me doing it with Lucas (my other son, straight) she doesn’t want me to do it with Liam. I told her that she has no business being in my relationship with my sons, I also called her homophobic. She accused me of not treating her like an equal parent, (to my sons) thus I said "that's ok because you are not" My brother says I should understand because this is a big “change” for her (a son coming out) but seriously think there is nothing to get “used to” this isn’t neither her nor my problem who my son loves. Am I in the wrong?

NTA. She is being homophobic The world needs more dads like you

Throwaway in case someone I know sees this, don't want them to know my main reddit account. So I am a 30 year old man. I'm single and live alone in a house that I own. A few months ago you know what happened and my mom lost her job. So I decided to let her stay with me. I have a medical marijuana card and smoke every day. I knew my mom disliked weed so I warned her before she moved in that I would be smoking weed daily and would not stop for her. She agreed, and only asked that I smoke outside. Which I thought was a relatively reasonable request; weed has a strong smell and many people don't like it. At first this worked out fine at first. But she started making remarks about how I should quit, ect. I mostly just ignored them/brushed them off. Then it evolved to her demanding that I quit. As if I were still  a child she could issue orders to. I refused and told her that she can move out if she doesn't like it. She started crying and saying that I don't love her, I have a problem, ect.  The next day, I come home from work to find her waiting for me. She explained that she had flushed my weed (a little less than an ounce) for my own good. And then demanded that I go to treatment.  Well, predictably, I was furious. And not even really about not having the weed anymore. It is pretty cheap (I usually buy ounces for $125) and I can easily get more. It was about her total lack of respect for me. I'm an adult, own my own house, have a good job, and have approval from the state to legally purchase and possess marijuana.  So someone I'm doing a huge favor for demanding that I stop and throwing out my stuff when I refused is extremely outrageous to me. No matter if she pushed me out of her vagina 30 years ago. Anyway, we argued about this for a while and it became clear to me that she was not sorry at all and that she would probably do it again. So I told her she can't live with me anymore. I gave a month, but she has already packed all her shit and drove to my brothers house a couple hours away.  She obviously thinks I'm a huge asshole. So does my brother. But I think that's mostly because she is his problem now.

NTA. It wouldn’t even matter if you smoked purely recreationally- you’re an adult, you have your own home and your own life, her approval isn’t necessary. It sounds like she might have been trying to “over-parent” you because moving in with you upset the power dynamic you’re used to. Good job setting the boundary and enforcing it.

[Old Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/is9p55/wibta_if_i_sue_my_sil_for_stealing_my_book_and/) **New Edit (11/18/20)**: Things did not go as planned. I can't give you an update now, but soon. Really sorry. **Little update on the apology**: it's not out. She said she needed more time to prepare her emotional state and she's overworked with their child, but she'll let me know when I can have the apology. (ʘ言ʘ╬) \* Thank you everyone for giving me advices on how to proceed with this mess. After speaking with my pre-law friend, I decided to go the legal route. I reiterated my compromise with SIL and my brother, but he has fully taken her side. My parents warned me that I'd be disowned and I'd be dead to them if I'm willing to stoop so low. I hired a lawyer and given all the details on my side. My lawyer said she needs my unedited manuscript for the book and my SIL's published book along with the copy SIL sent to have it proofread and edited. Because the published book has different parts changed, my lawyer needs the unedited version which SIL should still have in the transaction she did with her editor and proofreader. We took the risk to ask SIL for the unedited copy she sent to her editor & proofreader despite the chance of having her feign "I don't remember their names, I don't have their contacts anymore, I don't want to, etc." I told SIL that we will go through the route of having to use third-party notarization to ensure no foul play on either part (have 1 individual look at my unedited manuscript and the one she sent to her hired editor + proofreader). Once I told her that, she must've realized I was not bluffing. SIL and my brother accepted the compromise (I take the pseudonym, the royalties: with evidence of sold copies). I stipulated that SIL must put a message out to her followers on her blog that she stole from me and not a single word in the book is hers. I thank the Redditors for suggesting that. She is clearly pissed off and disgusted with me for doing this to my own family. I threatened her with further legal proceedings if she doesn't do it. No lawsuit happened, but I'm glad I got a professional option just in case. As words got back to my parents of what I did and how dare I got a lawyer to punish SIL because her blog followers will surely lose trust in her and future revenue. I told them and my parents that if they have anything to say, use my business email. I'm done with them. They treated an outsider (SIL one month into dating my brother) better than they ever did to me. I don't need that negativity dragging me down. I'm happier, more free with my opinions, and I don't have to feel the need to compete with everything SIL does just to get my parents to love me a little more than a daughter in name. I have my friends; they've always been more of a family unit to me than my biological ones. I knew I was going to lose something coming out of this, but I didn't expect I'd be okay with the disappointment and hurt. Thank you, everyone. And no, I will not be telling anyone what the name of the book is because I only came here to get a moral judgment and update everyone on what happened. Please don't think I'm using this for clout. The book will not be promoted on Reddit: not then, not now, and not in the future either.

Good for you! And I’m sorry your family is so awful.

Throwaway account, English is not my first language, I’m on mobile - I apologise. I (27F) have been married with my husband (M32) for three years and haven been dating for a little over 5. My husband has this friend (F31) ‘Mary’. They’ve known each other since they were in high school and she’s considered ‘one of the boys’, if you may. That basically means she’s always invited to all the fishing trips and stuff, which I don’t mind at all, I trust my husband. Well, my problems with Mary started when she first found out I’m half Romanian. It started kinda innocently, with her asking me to say certain words, teach her some insults etc which didn’t necessarily bother me, but it usually put me on the spot whenever we were out with my husband’s group of friends. It only escalated to her googling stuff about Romania and asking me ‘are you a vampire? do you bite your husband by the neck?’ to ‘are you a gypsy? I bet you’ve got some of that gypsy blood in you’ (which is just blatantly racist) Last week, me and my husband organised a mini BBQ with our friends and Mary was invited by my husband despite me telling him she makes me uncomfortable. He said he had talked to her about her remarks and she’s been understanding so it’s unlikely she’ll say something this time. It was midnight and there were about 4 of us left and I accidentally spilled some red wine on Mary’s jeans when I tripped over a carpet. All hell broke loose. Mary started saying that I’m a witch and I’m trying to ruin her life and this whole thing is part of my ritual and I’m just a ‘immigrant gypsy trying to ruin my husband’s life’ and I’ve poisoned my husband against her. I started crying and profusely apologising. When she wouldn’t drop it, I kicked her out and banned her from ever coming to my house again. AITA for doing this? My husband insists that Mary was just drunk and talking nonsense and he would talk to her. He also told me I’m way too sensitive about my heritage and I’m an a-hole for banning her. Mary has since given me a half hearted apology but I’m still not ok with her. EDIT: I guess this is the update some of you wanted. Sorry I’m still a mess and idk how coherent I am. We’ve talked. He admitted to being in and out of an affair with Mary in the first 2y of our relationship and she wanted to win him back I guess. I called my mom to come help me pack some stuff and im out. Thats it. Mary can have him I’ve been gaslit for years and it took a reddit post to realise. Oh the irony. thank you reddit. EDIT2 and probably the last one for a period of time: A lot of people seemed suspicious of Mary and my husband’s friendship/relationship etc and have asked if I ever suspected anything. No, I didn’t. Me and my husband had (or I thought we had) a very strong relationship, based on communication and honesty (guess it only applied to me). Also, Mary is very close with all the boys in the said friendship group. The other wives raised concerns in the past but they’ve all been shut down by the boys in the group or by Mary herself. I guess I always respected their friendship group because they were very close for so long and it felt unfair to change that because of me. As far as I’m aware, the other wives feel the same - plus Mary has been in a LD relationship for about 2 years and always claimed she’s focusing on her career, she’s too busy etc so none of us ever saw her as a potential threat. But now it just makes me think there could be more to this story. But I’m tired, as of right now, I am just exhausted. My Romanian witch blood won’t let me live until I find out the whole truth but I need time. Thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to my post, message me (even the ones that insulted me further - it was semi-funny) and thank you for the awards! I’m sending virtual hugs to all of you! Aveți grijă de voi!

NTA I think your husband needs to re-evaluate the fact that he’d be friends with someone that’s so disrespectful to his own wife

For some reason my 14 year old son cannot wipe properly. This was never a concern to me as his mom did the laundry. Unfortunately she is sick right now so I have taken over the household chores that she used to handle. My son is still responsible for his and I do mine as well as hers. First day I did laundry I gagged and almost puked from his underwear. If he were three and not fully potty trained I might understand how they end up like this. But he is a healthy young man. He should not be leaving his ass this unwiped. I talked to him about it and he said he would make an effort to do a better job. Nope. No change in the situation. So I went to the hardware store and installed a wand bidet in the bathroom he uses. We already have one in ours. I told him that he has a choice of either using the bidet or washing his own underwear. He doesn't know how to use the washing machine and he refuses to do them by hand. He started going commando. Which just meant the problem was his jeans now. So I said that we might need to take him to the doctor to see what is wrong with him. If it's physical or psychological. I also said that the next time his friends were over I was going to ask them is they left their underwear in the same condition. I WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY EMBARRASS HIM LIKE THAT. He said I was being an asshole and he called his mom to tell her what I was doing. She said that he was just like that and I could deal with it until she was better. I don't think that's a great plan. If this kid never learns to wipe his ass he will be bereft of a sexual partner without a poop fetish. I'm not kinkshaming him if that's his thing. He has started using the bidet but he says that it is gross and weird. I said it was grosser and weirder for a 14 year old to crap his pants every day. We are both stressed about his mom but this situation isn't because of her. I asked her.

NTA. 14 is a little late in life to be learning how to clean your butt after using the toilet. Your wife is doing him no favors by allowing and coddling this behaviour.

I (21f) have a brother (28) who came out as gay last month. He has been married to my best friend's big sister (24) for four years, they have 2yo twin daughters together. I'm really close with her, so I've been trying to stay neutral in what has become a messy separation. My brother told his wife he's gay by sitting her down, and saying he had been sleeping with two different men for about six months. He said he is now sure that he feels romantic feelings for men, and also told her he has been sleeping with random men from Grindr for over a year behind her back. She obviously freaked out, asked him how he could do this, why didn't he tell her when he started having the feelings, etc. He said that he's always thought he was gay but he didn't want to come out because it might affect his career. She asked him what about the effect on her life? She is now a single mother to two toddlers. He was essentially very angry that she wasn't supportive of this, so he kicked her out of the house, with the kids. After she eventually found a place to stay, my brother moved in one of the men he has been having an affair with. Since then, he has had very little contact with the kids, as in speaking to them on the phone once a week maybe. He has expressed that he still doesn't want to be public about coming out, so he posted on Facebook that he has separated from his wife because they aren't in love anymore and hinted SHE was the unfaithful one (posting things like 'yeah, seems like someone in this relationship wasn't satisfied with just one man') and is basically being a dick. I told him a couple weeks ago that he's a fucking asshole and I don't want to be involved with him anymore because I think it's disgusting that he's treated his wife like this. I told him I get that you have to come out in your own time, but you don't need to kick her out, ignore your kids and berate her, and you don't need to make comments that people will assume mean she was being unfaithful (he said this was a joke about him having two partners now? still fucked up). He said I'm being a homophobic asshole, and that I don't know how hard it is to come out. He said that if I don't accept him, I'm a bigot. He made mistakes and what not. I said maybe I will forgive him if he improves his behaviour to his wife, and he said he resents her for keeping him from sleeping with men for years. I gave up at this point. My sisters (17&24) both think I'm being homophobic, my mom agrees with me. AITA?

NTA. Him coming out does not absolve him because he’s a fucking adult. What he did was shitty and he’s incredibly selfish. This is someone i would absolutely cut out of my life. His wife and kids deserved SO much better and I hope they’ll be able to move on from this without too much trouble. Good luck!

Okay, throwaway because my boyfriend knows my other account. I (23f) moved in with my boyfriend (24m) of two years a couple months ago. We haven’t had any problems before this argument. Things had been going pretty well. Anyways, a couple days ago, I got my period. It came early and I had ran out of pads. I couldn’t leave to buy some because I bleed pretty heavily and I would’ve bled through my pants. So I asked my boyfriend if he could buy pads for me from the drugstore, because it was late. He immediately said no. I was shocked because I wasn’t really expecting that. I asked him why. He said that he didn’t want the cashier to see him buying pads. At this point I started laughing because that was hilarious. He wasn’t joking though. He just glared at me. I told him that the cashier would obviously know it wasn’t for him. Plus, the cashier would definitely not care what he was buying. He still refused. I told him that he could go to the self checkout machine if he was so insecure, but he said that he didn’t want anyone to see him with the pads because they’d think he was a “tr***y”. I told him that he was childish, and that his masculinity was really fragile if he couldn’t even buy pads for his own girlfriend. He got mad and went out. I had to bunch up toilet paper as a makeshift pad, wear black pants and a long cardigan and go buy the pads myself. My boyfriend has been ignoring me ever since. I’ve been thinking that maybe I might’ve pushed it too far. So AITA for telling my boyfriend that his masculinity was fragile after he refused to buy pads for me? *Edit*: *Wow, thank you for all your replies! I’m definitely going to have a serious talk with my boyfriend in the morning about this and we’ll see how it goes* **UPDATE**: First off, thank you for all your awards, replies and stories, they all mean so much to me. I confronted my boyfriend an hour ago. We sat down together and I told him that I didn’t like how he acted about buying pads for me. He said that he didn’t feel like he had to, and that I could’ve “held it in” and drove to the drugstore to get the pads myself. I told him that you can’t “hold in” menstrual blood, but he insisted that I could’ve done it for a few minutes and that it wouldn’t be a big deal. We went back and forth over this so I just dropped it. I asked him (like most of you mentioned) what would happen when we have kids and he’d have to take care of me and buy me nipple cream, take me to the washroom, etc. He said that I would not need those things because I should be able to do them on my own after giving birth. He said that there wasn’t anything hard about using the bathroom and the only reason I’d need help is if I was a “cripple”. Then I asked him about the tr***y comment. He said that he didn’t understand why people would want to change the gender they were born in. That basically cemented everything for me. I felt completely betrayed and humiliated. I can’t believe I spent two years of my life with a guy who holds these views, and I can’t believe I was too oblivious to it. I just feel so dumb. I told him that we need to break up. He cussed at me and told me that I was exaggerating and that I was being a bitch. I told him that I would send him my half of this month’s rent (we live together but it was his appartement so we would split the bill). Then I packed my bags and drove to my parents house without saying another word. I’m gonna be staying with my parents until I sort myself out. I’m feeling really down right now, because I really did love him, but I also feel relieved. Again, thank you all for helping me out, and sending me encouraging messages. I appreciate it all.

NTA. Your boyfriend sounds immature, insecure, like a transphobe, and like he can't endure slight embarrassment to help you out. Gross.

Hi there, this is my first post and this is a throw away. I am a 30 year old white woman with thick curly brown hair (3c if you know what that means). I have always struggled with my hair and was adopted into a family of people with straight hair who couldnt care for my hair properly leading to huge knots and regularly get my hair massacred by scissors to make it short to be easier to deal with. When i went to uni i met my best friend who is black and has a similar hair type to me and when noticing my struggle helped me out. She showed me hair products from brands intended for black people that really helped with my hair quality and even took me to the salon she went to that catered for black hair types. My hair has been amazing ever since, theyve been the only people to understand how to care for my hair and make it look nice. Well onto the actual argument, me and some friends from work went out for dinner and we were talking about our hair and i commented that i go to a salon that specialises in black haircare. One of the women ( also white) commented that it was inappropriate for me as a white woman to take advantage of black products and services that should only be used by black people. When i asked why she said that its kind of cultural appropriation. The others there agreed with her and i felt uncomfortable ever since. I dont know if she is right and if i am in the wrong, i dont even know what id do if it was wrong as i dont want to go back to the salons that butchered my hair before.

NTA, black woman here with 4c hair. You use the products and resources that best suit your needs. It wouldn't be a black vs white issue if the beauty industry recognized the need and taught students how to do all types of hair.

My husband and I have been together for 5 years. We wanted kids but because of my health problems this wasn't possible. We decided to go with surrogacy, my friend nominated her sister ( Brittany 29) I agreed right away cause I know Brittany and the family. We've set everything up. Discussed payment, short and long term plans, counseling and dr appointments. We explored IVF and chose a private clininc to get it done. It started after Brittany took a pregnancy test. She only told my husband though she had both our numbers. she only sent my husband a pic of the test while he was at work and sent me nothing when I gave her my personal contact info but it was okay. Things got complicated when Brittany started having access to our credit cards for her own wants and claim they were the baby's needs. She excluded me from dr visits and scans and had only my husband go with her. Her excuse was my husband drives and has time since I work and "unavailable" most of the time. I felt isolated from this experience but said nothing knowing she's bearing a lot of burden so I had patience. My husband had no idea what was going on and if this was normal. This was new to us so we didn't know. She's 7 months in and last week she had us visit to discuss things that I thought we'd previously agreed on but she said she changed her mind about and her mom was there too. I heard Brittany out and was shocked when she gave a list of how things should be from now on since she said "there was lot of confusion" in the past cause of me stressing her out by complaining. She requested she gets say in things like baby name after I "deleted" the list of names she sent to my husband. She wanted more access to my husband's credit cards/free time to get stuff done at her place. Also more time with the baby than agreed on. Then wrapped up by saying only my husband should be with her in the delivery room and used the hospital as excuse. I got up and firmly stated I don't agree on her new terms and that she had to stop acting like she was my husband's wife and this was their baby. My husband didn't speak til she started crying. He asked me to sit down but I said I had boundaries, reminded her what her role was and how she overstepped. Her mom went off and and said her daughter was being mistreated when she put herself mentally and physically through the most selfless act for us, to make us a family. She gave up a part of her life in those months to give us what we want and I was acting selfish and ungrateful. She had us leave then told my friend and it got more complicated. I was told to apologize for what i said. IATA Edit: yes, we agreed on paying for the surrogacy like I stated above. So no favors or anything. Edit: No, we did not have a legal contract because my friend said there was no need for us to do that and basically talked us out of it since we are considered family but we had an agreement including paying her. Edit: Question about whether Brittany had kids of her own. She was a single mom of a 4 year old who passed away from an accident. She had him at young age but she always seemed in good mental and physical health.

This... may be above Reddit's pay grade. **INFO:** Is there an actual written legal contract? Because if there is, I don't see how she can really demand changing anything. If there isn't... Oof. Oof oof oof \*oof \*oof \*oof. **Edit:** \- **INFO2:** \-- Okay, so there's no legal contract. Is there at least a written contract? A voice-recording of the agreement? Texts? Emails? Anything at all? **Lawyer up immediately, OP.** I feel for you. **Edit2:** \- A lot of people have said and I agree that something really fishy is going on here. * Has OP answered whose egg this is? * How the insemination was done? * Why her husband is so okay with OP being cut out?? This could be anything from Brittany seeing an opportunity for a free baby and child support to Op's husband and Brittany being in on some kind of gross twisted scheme. There's so little information here and I have... just so many questions. I can only sum up this post with 😬😬😬

This happened last year before the world fell apart, just asking out of boredom. My daughter was in second grade. She was in class and suddenly felt like she was going to vomit so she tried to run to the bathroom. She didn’t make it and vomited in the hallway. However she was sent to the office for running out of class without permission. The principal called me about this and I had to come in. He told me that she was being punished and was losing her privileges to go on the field trip the next week. I told him that was insane considering she did it because she was trying to keep from making a mess and she’s 7! She made a snap judgement that I think most people would make. On top of that, they sent her to the principal instead of the nurse. He refused to change the decision so I took my daughter out of school for the last 2 days of the week. Since she was missing the field trip I wanted her to have as much fun as possible so we went to an amusement park, the movies, and to paint pottery. She told her father about this during his visitation time and he got very angry at me for undermining the principal. AITA?

They sent a 7 yo to the principal for puking instead of the nurse and then doubled down when you called them out on their lunacy? Hell no, OP. You are NTA.

That’s the actual quote. I’m still pissed as hell but maybe I went too far here. My brother and I are both late 30s. We get along fine most of the time, but my brother doesn’t do well in a lot of social situations. He says things that are inappropriate, gets overly opinionated, yells a lot etc. He just doesn’t seem to understand tact or when to let things go in a casual conversation. Our wives are best friends. They talk almost everyday on FaceTime. My wife is an ex model/actress (local) and very good with makeup. She’s in her mid 30’s, we have 3 kids and she doesn’t wear much makeup anymore - but she got some as a gift for Christmas and decided she wanted to get more. Apparently she’s been buying cheap stuff and she wanted to splurge on some good shit. Anyway, she’s been testing it all out over the last month, buying more here and there and doing these crazy eyeshadow things - honestly I don’t know what I’m talking about. She looks great all the time. She’s gorgeous without makeup. She’s really talented with it though and she’s having a lot of fun. I tease her a little since she works from home and she’s wearing pajamas but her makeup looks like she’s at a nightclub. I think it’s cute and funny. My brother thinks she’s doing it because she’s cheating or she wants to cheat. He called me this morning to say he’s concerned because he’s seen her on FaceTime and he’s decided she must be posting pictures or sending pics to some dude or multiple dudes. I tried to blow it off and explain that it wasn’t that way, but he got more aggressive about it so I ended up yelling at him and shouting the insecure testicle man baby thing. He’s being ridiculous and needs to mind his own business. But I think I might be the asshole for blowing up and name calling when he’s probably well intentioned. I want to add too (my mom and brother both asked, maybe other people will): No, I haven’t asked my wife why she’s recently starting wearing more makeup and I’m not going to because I think asking is fucking rude. She’s spending her money on stuff for her face and it’s a creative hobby. I’m not going to be the dick that ruins someone’s creative outlet by asking them to justify it or by insinuating there’s a sinister motive behind it. It makes her happy so I assume that’s why she’s doing it. Asking why is dumb and insulting in my opinion.

NTA When I wear makeup, I do it *for me*. No my husband or any other man. Me. Many women are the same way. Your brother jumping to "she wants to cheat because she is wearing makeup again" is absolute misogynistic garbage and he needed a dressing down. You sound great and seem to really love and appreciate your wife as well as understand what being supportive means. Keep it up. Eta: wow! Thanks for the awards!

So I'm an engineer and I'm working on a team with 7 decently chill guys and one guy with anger issues. Like he can't just have a respectful disagreement, he'll raise his voice and yell and get up close to your face. I hate it. So I started by just complaining to my boss about it. And he brushed it under the rug saying he is just like that. And if I thought he was bad now I should of seen him 10 years ago before he "mellowed out" It makes me wonder what he was like 10 years ago because he sure ain't mellow now. It's also a small enough company that there's no HR, only the corporate management. Which didn't help. So I took a different approach. I stopped calling him "angry", or calling what he was doing "arguing" or "yelling". I just swapped in the words "emotional" or "throwing a tantrum" or "having a fit" I was kinda hoping if I could shift his reputation from domineering (big man vibes) to emotional and tantrumming (weak sad baby vibes) So I started just making subtle comments. Like if I had a meeting with him and he got a temper, I'd mention to the other people "Wow, it's crazy how emotional Jay got. I dunno how he has the energy to throw a hissy fit at 9 am, I'm barely awake" Or when my boss asked me to recap a meeting he missed, I told him "Dan, Jack, and James had some really great feedback on my report for (this client). Jay kinda had trouble managing his emotions and had a temper tantrum again, but you know how he gets." Or when a coworker asked why he was yelling I'd say "Honestly I don't even know, he was getting so emotional about it he wasn't speaking rationally." I tried to drop it in subtly and some of my coworkers started picking it up. I don't think consciously, just saying stuff like "Oh, another of Jay's fits" or something. I got gutsy enough to even start saying to his face "Hey, I can hardly understand what you're trying to explain when you're so emotional" And again my coworkers started picking up on it and I even caught several of them telling him to get a hold of himself. After a while, he started to get a reputation as emotional and irrational. Which I could tell pissed him off. But he stopped yelling at me as much. Anyway, he slipped once this week and I just said "I really can't talk to you when you're being this emotional" and he blew up at me asking why I was always calling him that. I shrugged and said "dude you look like you're on the verge of tears, go look in the mirror before you ask me" and he got really angry I suggested he might start crying. (That was a kinda flippant comment, he was red faced angry not tearful angry, and I could tell.) I feel like a bit of a dick for being petty and trying to gaslight this guy into thinking everyone around him sees him like a crybaby. But it also mostly worked when the "proper channels" didn't AITA for calling my coworker emotional when he got mad?

NTA because he is, in fact, overly emotional. Nothing you said (except maybe the tears bit) is in any way a lie or even exaggeration. Stick to the truth.

I go to college in New York state. I am Muslim. I was very young when 9/11 happened, as were the rest of the people in my year. There's a girl in one of my classes who's father was in the World Trade Center. He died. Of course, this is very sad, and I pity the man, but not her. She's extremely racist. She hates everyone who isn't white or east asian. But she especially hates Muslims due to her father's passing. So of course, we don't talk. But today, September 11, was the day she exploded. I was wearing a hijab. She told me I should take it off out of respect for the victims and that it was the equivalent of a hat. I said no. She said that "you Muslims did this, you need to take off the hijab to show respect." I obviously told her no. Then she went on a very long Islamophobic rant that I can't entirely recall because this was hours ago. But I remember she concluded by saying that Islam took away her father, so she wants to take away Islam. (I'm still confused as to what she meant.) She made a few comments towards me, and I went on my phone to de escalate. She made more comments, I kept ignoring her. But then she said "Yeah, you're not responding because you know I'm right". I don't know why that set me off, but it did. I told her "No, I'm just busy texting my DAD". She left the room in tears. My classmates are saying that she was in the wrong, but what I said was unnecessarily cruel. Now, I don't think I'm TA, bc she started it, all I did was finish it. So, reddit, AITA?? Yes, I am aware I have spelling mistakes. I speak Arabic at home. EDIT: For everyone wondering, the professor was out of the room. He'd already given us our lecture.

Can't believe how much people are defending the racist one. So because her dad died she's entitled to be racist when she's having a bad day? No. I say NTA - she deserved it and if she does this again, I say bring up how dead her dad is again

I’m 26 and clean from heroin for 3 years. I was also a piece of shit and used to deal for a while. I managed to get with a beautiful girl named Marcy when I first started getting into the thick of things. She knew who I was but she said she loved me. I will regret this for the rest of my life, but I was the person who shot up Marcy for the first time. After that, there was no stopping her. She stuck around with me, probably because I was her dealer more than anything, but then I got clean and never saw her again for a long time. A year ago she reached out to me on Facebook and told me that she had been clean for a few months and she said that she didn’t hate me for what happened and she hoped I was still clean. Last week I got a call from my sister who told me that she saw on Facebook that Marcy had OD’d and there was a funeral service this upcoming Thursday. I immediately just burst into tears because I hoped that this would never happen and I feel so much guilt over it. I want to go to the funeral service for her but I’m afraid that my presence would be unwanted. At the most I would just slip in the back, pay my respects and leave. I need to do this for myself. AITA for wanting to go?

You’re not the asshole for wanting to go, YWBTA if you did go. Your presence would not be welcomed. Go mourn privately somewhere else. Also, edited to add: Its a dick move to use this opportunity to “do this for yourself” as you put it. Her family’s not putting on a funeral to lessen the guilt of the person who got their child addicted to heroin. Find something else to do for yourself. Maybe talk about it at an NA meeting or something.

My MIL moved in with us a month ago. I began to notice my stuff in the bedroom being touched. Furniture rearranged, stuff moved et cetera... I felt like I was going crazy because my husband is the only one who has access to the bedroom and he doesn't usually touch nor come near my things. I figured it must be his mom walking in and snooping on my personal things. I told my husband and he said his mom would never...I had a huge hunch but couldn't instal a cam in the bedroom to catch her in act. So, I got me one of those fake postive pregnancy tests and threw it in the bedroom's trashcan. note the trashcan was placed in the corner near the closet. Literally the next day after I got to work, I got tons of calls and texts from my inlaws "congratulating" me for my "pregnancy". My husband came over to my workplace and was all worked up about it asking since when I was pregnant, and why I didn't tell him. I asked how he found out and he said his mom found the positive test in the trashcan in the bedroom. I asked if his answer just confirmed that she's been snooping in the bedroom all along. He had a "realization" moment but demanded we stick to the bigger issue, I said there was no bigger issue because the positive test was fake and this whole thing was done to expose my MIL's snooping. he was not convinced. he had me take an actual test right infront of him and he was livid asking how could I lie about such thing and break his mom's heart since I know...very well that she longs for kids. I got a lot of shit because of this from him, his mom and family now calling me a liar and manipulator. AITA? important info: nothing gets takes or goes missing from the bedroom. just to be clear.

NTA, but ordering a lock for the door and kicking MIL out seems easier. If you WERE preg, how dare she announce it. So many red flags, one of you needs to go and it shouldn’t have to be you.

This is a bit complicated, I am a stepmom to five wonderful kids. I became their stepmom when the oldest was 9. I adopted all of them but one and that is Nick. He never wanted me to be his mom which is fine. The moment he turned 18 he made it very clear he doesn’t care about me at all. I wasn’t invited to his wedding, any holidays and so on if he was hosting. My last straw was when he told me that he will come to Christmas that I was hosting if I left. So we are very low contact. Along with that, he has blown up every sibling relationship. He has two girls now and he called me up. This was a surprise and we started talking. After I while he started complaining about not getting help at all to raise his kids. He asked me to watch them on Sunday and step up as a grandparent. I told him the reason the village doesn’t exist to raise his kids is due to him burning that village down. He called me a jerk and hung up. My husband is iffy on the situation but told me it’s my call since I would be the one to watch the kids most of the time since he travels often for work. So I am posting here.

What has your husband been doing for the last however many years? Does he have a relationship with his son? How did y’all function before Nick turned 18? Where is Nick’s mother? There’s too much missing here … but based on just the information it appears Nick is meeting the consequences of his choices. NTA (maybe?)

I (20m) has two younger siblings, "Joe" and "Jill". They're twins, both 18 and graduating high school this year. Jill is my parent's favorite, because they've always wanted a daughter, while Joe is their scapegoat, because I guess he's the bonus baby they never actually asked for. I'm mostly better off than Joe, as I'm the oldest grandson from both sides of my family, almost all of whom are just as blantant as my parents are about their favoritism. I felt really bad for Joe, so I did what I could to make him feel less alone. Like when Jill got to go shopping with mommy and daddy, I took Joe skating with my friends. When our parents were too busy watching Jill's kiddie pageant, I dragged my best bud to sit through Joe's elementary school musical. Small things like that. It all started as pity moves, but soon my friends pretty much like Joe better than me, while Jill's princess syndrome got in her head, so now I spend more time with Joe because I simply like him better than Jill. Never said it out loud, but I don't make it a secret either that I prefer not to spend my time with entitled brats. Anyway, like I said they're graduating soon. They both already had their choice of college, accomodations, etc. Jill's going to a uni in SF, fully funded by our parents, unsurprisingly. Joe's going to the same Uni as mine in Seattle, but different campus just 20ish minutes away. He got a full ride, which apparently makes him ineligible to get any financial help from his own parents. This is also hardly surprising, so I made some calls to ask around, see if anyone is hiring next fall. I did this while on facetime with Joe. I was reassuring him that we'll find him a job that don't suck and pays enough, that he's better off without dad's money anyway because we both know it comes with strings attached, that this way, mom and dad wouldn't be able to stick their noses into his purchases. I got him to feel better about the whole thing and logged off. I guess Jill overheard, because the next day she sent me texts after texts demanding I help her find jobs as well because she doesn't want dad "nagging her". When I told her, politely btw, that I don't know anyone in SF, and that she'd get more help from mom and dad, she blew up, saying all these things about me favoring Joe over her, which, yeah. It's true. I love both of my siblings, but I don't particularly like Jill. It's not like she's making herself likeable, though, so AITA?

I figured your brother was a total fuck up or something, but seems his only crime was being the boy twin. Fuck ups don't get full rides to college. Here's the thing, of course you are NTA, but you went above and beyond, because without someone like you in his life Joe would have likely slipped into total fuck up territory. So what you have done for him is beyond any measure of the acronyms we have on this page. As for Jill, give her a chance to grow up without your parents constant dotage. She might surprise you.

When my daughter was 14, wife and I decided we would buy a car for her to use on her 16th if she proved herself to be responsible, got good grades, etc. There would be a "contract" of sorts to ensure we were all on the same page. The stipulations were continuing good grades, good attitude, she could only bring one friend with her somewhere (to begin with), we had to know where she was, and the obvious two: don't drink & drive, and don't text and drive. We made it clear that **we** were buying the car, but it was for her to use. We got the car, a 2012 Honda Civic. She has a summer job right now, it's summer break so she's out doing stuff with her friends, etc. In a few months she will be off to college. Everything was going swimmingly. Until someone on that NextDoor app started posting pictures and videos of bad drivers in the area. And lo and behold, my daughter was posted with her face down as she texted and rolled through a stop sign. Once with her face down in her phone at a stoplight. I was livid. My wife was the one who showed it to me. We found out there were more instances (from her Instagram Stories) and we decided... no. Wife and I up and sold the car. We didn't lose very much in the process, except of course our daughter completely came unraveled. It's so unfair, I didn't hurt anyone, everyone's doing it, how am I supposed to get to work, what about when I go to college? Well, we said no, it's not unfair, you hurt us by being a shitty, irresponsible driver, no, not everyone's doing it, you can walk, ride your bike, or take the bus, and as for college, you don't need the car to get to and from classes, and again, ride your bike or walk. She tried to play the "how can you send your daughter to college without her safety in mind?" card and I said "Well, well, well, now you're concerned about safety?" and she just up and screamed. This has everyone in our life up in arms and divided. Her grandparents think we're being over the top and awful, that grounding her would have sufficed. They've threatened that THEY will buy her a car again if we try to send her to college without one. The car is already sold, so there's no going back. I think what we did was absolutely correct, that actions have consequences and we would be in the wrong to pull back from that. In terms of her going to college? Well, she made that choice. She had a car, it came with certain stipulations, she disobeyed us, and now she pays the price. So AITA?

NTA. Frankly I admire your restraint.

My dad died unexpectedly last week and my sister Jess and I lost our mom last year to a mix of cancer and the virus. From how our family acted in the past over scavenging over dead people’s things both Jess and I decided to send out a family memo on no one is to enter or take anything from our parents house until we get there. Both Jess and I work on the west coast so it takes some time to get there with all of our kids and family. I saw several notifications from my parents Ring Doorbell and I’m a lawyer. I reminded my family we will prosecute. Jess and I are on the same page. Jess gets to my parents house first and notices stuff is missing and my parents had security cameras and an Alexa show. It shown my cousin taking stuff from the house. So Jess did what we agreed on and called the police and two of our cousins was arrested. Because it was over a thousand dollars both are looking at felonies. My cousin said my dad promised him this stuff and I have my dad’s will making me executor of the estate. I told him he should have waited to file a claim with estate and everyone was warned about what would happen. Jess and I don’t have the best relationship with our extended family and We are not dropping charges. Because of this drama dad was quietly cremated with no service and we plan to hold one when scattered our parents ashes at Jess’s house in a tree planted for them. My last living grandma is upset about it but she sided with my cousins and aunt saying we are too tough on having them arrested.

There is nothing quite so unedifying as the rush by distant family members to grab what they can when someone dies. Definitely NTA.

My sister and her husband invited me over to their pool today for a little BBQ. I assumed it would just be me, my sister, her husband, my nephews, and my parents. But turns out they also invited her husband’s side of the family. When it was time to get in the pool, I changed into my swim trunks and removed my shirt. But my sister stopped me before I came out their house and asked to keep my shirt on because of my scars. She was referring to the scars from when I had my top (chest) surgery. I’m a trans guy. Had started transitioning 8 yrs ago and my surgery was 4 years ago. My scars have already faded and they’re pretty well hidden under my pecs. You’d have to look really close to even notice. I’ve been to their pool many times and she’s never said anything before so I was surprised. Every other guy including my dad were all shirtless in the pool. When I asked what the prob was with my scars she said she was uncomfortable with her in laws knowing I’m trans. My feelings were hurt but I was mainly pissed. She said she didn’t want her in laws to look at her differently if they found out about me. She told me not to make a big deal and to go with it. When she left, I went back inside to change because i wasn’t gonna go in the pool with a shirt on. I only had the one I came wearing because I didn’t expect her to ask me this. My mood was soured after that and I didn’t wanna be around her so I decided to leave. When I said bye to everyone they were all confused since I was only there less than an hour. My dad pulled me aside and asked why I was leaving early. I told him to ask my sister and left. An hour later my sister called me upset because she and my dad got into a fight. My parents were furious about what she told me and they ended up leaving early too. Now she’s angry at me for ruining the bbq and said I didn’t have to cause all this drama if I only did what she asked. What she said hurt me and I was no longer in a mood to be around her or anyone else, but I didn’t mean for all that to happen. Am I the asshole for getting mad at her and basically ruining their day?

NTA, no way. Showing your scars and explaining why you have them on the spot would have been much easier for everyone. Your sister ruined her own bbq. I bet her in-laws have many questions in their minds now too.

I (m39) have a 16 year old son with my wife (f40). This incident happened a few days ago and she's still mad at me. I was on a work trip so my wife was at home with our son. When I got back, I found out that he had been hanging out with his friends and they convinced him to drink some beer and he got a little drunk. I'm not saying what he did was right, but him and I had a talk about it and it's fine. The problem is that when he came home and my wife found out she was furious and kicked him out and refused to let him back in until the morning. He was begging her to let him but she wouldn't. When I found out I was furious. Regardless of what he did, she made a slightly drunk teenager stay outside by himself at night. Something very bad could have happened to him. We had a huge argument over it. I asked her how the hell she thought that was ok. She just kept saying that it's our son's fault for drinking alcohol. My wife isn't really talking to me now and my son isn't talking to his mom. I feel like I'm in the right, but maybe I'm not. AITA?

NTA. Leslie Mahaffy, a victim of serial killers Paul Bernardo and Karla Homolka, was locked out of her house by her parents the night they kidnapped her. They took turns making videos of them raping and torturing her for days before they killed her. Have your wife research that case and I bet she never locks him out again. Edit: I got a bunch of awards for this comment. Thank you for that. Although, I have gotten banned every other time I've been on reddit in the past for arguing with trolls and have no idea whst to do with them.

I F,33 found out that my ex husband M, 37 was cheating on me when I was 7 months pregnant with our son. I got a divorce and we share custody of our 3 yro old son. My ex husband's girlfriend tried to get involved in my parenting several times, she even commented on my son's name implying that we should agree on a name we all want not just what I wanted, and tried to dictate what he should and shouldn't have. As a result she started throwing stuff of his that I paid for myself. Honestly it's frustrating because I'm barely getting by with the money I have and can not afford to buy replacement for all the stuff she throws put but my ex husband says it's her "house" and she gets to decide what can and can't enter. I made a crochet blanket for my son with his name on it. This blanket is special to me, and the tools I used to be able to make it cost me money. Not to mention the time and effort it took to get it down. I sent my son to stay with his dad days ago, and he wanted to take the blanket with him to sleep with it. I don't know exactly what happened, but when I came to pick him up he told me his dad's girlfriend took it away from him and threw it out leaving him with no blanket to sleep with at night as "punishment" for him for not accepting the one she offered. I was furious. I called his dad but he hung up on me, I sent him a text explaining the situation, but he texted back telling me that I should stop the drama and go look for a job if I have so much free time on my hand instead of picking on his girlfriend. I felt frustrated I visited his family who are good to me and told them about what their son's girlfriend did, now it's worth mentioning that she's been working hard for their approval and to get on their good side. They were shocked to know about what she did they all flipped out on her and started calling her out. My SIL took it further by putting this on social media which made other family members see what she did. My ex husband called me yelling about my "pathetic attempt" to turn his family against his girlfriend. I could hear her freaking out in the background while he was lashing out at me saying I ruined every chance she had to have a good relationship with her "future inlaws". I hung up and felt absolutely horrible, even though I was just venting to his family about what happened and felt frustrated. Maybe I shouldn't have told them? I'm not sure anymore since the whole family aren't speaking to her si that might have epa lasting impact on their relationship with her.

Document, document, document. They are emotionally and mentally abusing your son by throwing out his comfort objects that help him transition between houses. And I guarantee they are saying negative things about you to your son. Document every single thing you can. Conversations, text messages, things your son tells you. Get your son to a child psychologist so they can document any issues your son has with your ex and his gf. Then go to court and get custody agreement changed to state the gf can’t be around the child, depending on the exes actions you might even be able to get full custody. Keep your exes family in your sons life as much as possible, even if you end up remarrying. He deserves to know his family. NTA

As my title suggests, my mom is a huge Harry Potter nut. She and my dad actually met in a harry potter “IRC” (like Disord but for old people) in the early 00s got married had kids and from day one decided to embarrass us for life by naming us after some Harry Potter and Star Wars characters. It’s honestly been hell. I have a stupid name and since we were little my parents have forced stuff like Harry Potter, Star Wars, marvel movies, etc etc down our throats. Everything is about dragons and magic and blah blah blah. I’m so sick of it. Every birthday every holiday everything is just organized around “fandom.” So just like every Christmas the days leading up to Christmas we have to sit down every night and watch Harry Potter movies. It’s. So. Fucking. BORING!!!! I can usually get away with knitting or drawing on my Ipad during this but this year my mom was like “let’s just have a technology and distraction free night every night” I arranged to go over to my friend Missy’s house instead for like two nights. Missy’s family is NORMAL and likes things a NORMAL amount. My mom got really mad and started talking about how it’s a family tradition and how I’m basically rejecting her and went on her whole thing about how “you wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for harry potter.” I finally had it and just yelled “NOBODY CARES THAT YOU WERE A BIG NAME IN THE HARRY POTTER FAN CLUB!!! I don’t like Harry Potter! I don’t like Star Wars! I HATE MARVEL MOVIES THEY’RE ALL SO BORING PLEASE JUST LET ME HAVE MY OWN INTERESTS!” I couldn’t help it I started crying because I was just so frustrated because everything always has to be about harry potter this star wars that and now that we’re all older they started doing game of thrones. EVERYTHING is centered around some kind of movie or tv show or book series. Just onces I want my family to band around something that DOESN’T have to do with media or these nerdy things. We live in Utah where we have like 5 National Parks and even though I ask every year for my birthday I’VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO ARCHES!!!! Well my sister called me saying that mom was angry and to just come home and to stop with the theatrics. I told her that I’m sick of having all this old “nerd” stuff crammed down my throat and just once I want to have a normal time watching normal Christmas movies and not having to pause for “lightsabre battles”.” AITA?!??! **HEY GUYS** I know you think you're "cool" and "in on the joke" wink wink when you DM me and ask me for my name, but I'm a teenage girl and that's not really how it's coming across. Please stop DMing me I don't care. **for those of you telling me in dms "IRC didn't do fandom" it was part of a "livejournal" community. Someone in the community had a fan site they all liked. It had a chatroom. I'm sure there was other stuff too?

NTA...and your post is a great warning for all those people still thinking about naming their kid "Anakin" or "Khaleesi". You're allowed to have your own interests, and your parents aren't making life easier by forcing things they like on you. Edit: RIP my inbox. I had no idea Anakin was such a popular name.

I love strawberries. I love them so much that I planted 300 strawberry plants in my garden. After I harvest, I make lots of strawberry jelly to give to my family, friends, and neighbors. I donate the leftovers to my local food bank. Lately I've had a big problem with all the neighborhood kids coming in my yard and stealing my strawberries. The last time I caught them I threatened them with the police because they was so reckless they smashed over 50 of my plants. I caught them in my yard again this afternoon, instead of calling the police I grabbed my garden hose and sprayed them while chasing them out of my yard. I just had a group of angry parents come to my house complaining about my actions. Absolutely none of them was willing to apologize for their children's actions. One parent in particular is threatening to sue me, because her son's iPhone 10 was ruined with water. I told her that was her problem for letting her eight-year-old son have a $1,000 phone. Then I threatened to spray them with my hose if they didn't get off of my property.

NTA, but you should probably get some security cameras, those kids are definitely going to start fucking with you and your plants deliberately. Best to buy a cage with a lock if you can to put over your plants.

My biological family is dead. I was raised in foster care, and so my friends are my family. I met my late husband in college. He was just raised by his mother, who had abandoned him and later died (no adoptive family). As an adult, I've looked into both trees and our biological ancestors are, to put it mildly, really dangerous people and/or dead. My late husband and older son died in a car crash. My daughter is in kindergarten and she, more accurately me, was supposed to do a family tree project for school. I tried speaking to her teacher that this was not going to be a Pollyanna report, but she is one of those people that can't comprehend that sometimes family is a dark subject, and insisted that it needed to be biological. So, I did it. Some of them, like her father and my son, I have actual information for aside from that they're dead. But for most of my family and her paternal family, I literally only have birth date, death date, when they would have had their kids, and cemetery information, unless they were cremated. It was supposed to have 10 pictures, but most of the pictures I have of any ancestors are just headstones. I made a trip when my husband and I first married to take pictures of the headstones, so I included those in there. I only have 3 pictures total of my biological family, and most of them are group shots where I could only label maybe 3 people. I don't have any pictures of my late husband's family from before me and my kids, but I put some of the old ones in there too. So while the other kids had long family trees, my daughter was basically introducing the concept of death to her kindergarten class. Now I'm getting slammed with calls from other parents, the teacher, and the principal. They're appalled that I allowed such a "morbid" report and are saying I traumatized their children. I don't think I did anything wrong. They wanted a report on her biological ancestors, I gave it, and kept it G-rated. I just didn't lie that people were alive when they weren't. I don't raise her to think that death is taboo or something to be ashamed of anyway. Death is part of life. Most of her/my family is dead, so talking about family just means talking about death, and it's just something you have to accept. AITA?

NTA. The concept of life and death is complex for kindergarten age children. However, you warned the teacher and she was clear about what she expected from the project. Also, r/MaliciousCompliance might enjoy this story.

About two months ago, my husband and I got “married” in a beautiful ceremony. It was SO MUCH FUN. We went on a honeymoon after. The price tag makes me wheeze, but my parents were insistent on paying for 95% of it, saying it’s their only daughter’s wedding. As a result, the wedding was way more fancy than something my husband or I could afford! My husband and I paid the rest — his family did not contribute (which is fine!). The wedding was lovely, but missing one piece - the marriage license. About a year and a half ago, I was going through some serious health issues (the issues are resolved now, thankfully!). I had recently graduated from school and didn’t have health insurance. My husband and I decided to get married so I could join his health insurance. It was a quick Justice of the Peace ceremony. We were always planning to have a ceremony at some point in the future. A few months after that, he “proposed” (something I didn’t see coming!), the wedding occurred, and here we are today, planning for kids. Very few people knew we got legally married about a year and a half ago. We weren’t trying to be deceptive. However, part of it was that I wasn’t comfortable revealing my health issues. My husband respected this. My parents knew about our legal marriage, but his mother did not. His mom (I’ll call her Carol) and I aren’t close. She’s fine enough in low doses, but... We’re currently in the process of moving. This past weekend, his mother came to help us pack up things. As we were packing files (birth certificate, social security cards, etc.), somehow our marriage license must’ve slipped out. Carol picked it up and kept insisting we need to frame it. And then she noticed the date. Carol lost it. She insisted we lied to everyone. She said our wedding ceremony was just a “gift grab” (our wedding website stated that someone’s presence was gift enough— we still got many generous gifts and we are forever grateful). Carol went and called her twin sister, my husband’s aunt, and the sister called and lashed out at us. She said we were sneaky and deceptive. She is saying she may want her gift back—something we are fine with giving her. For me and my husband, the legal wedding was just so I could get insurance. A means to an end. Our wedding date is what we will celebrate. Are we assholes for not being more upfront? I’ve been really upset and confused and waffle back and forth. My husband insists we are not assholes.

NTA. There is a reason why you only take Carol in small doses

Throwaway because I don't want my family tracking this back to my main. My sister got knocked up by her boyfriend right out of highschool, got married the next year, then proceeded to pop out another baby every year or two, so she has four now at 24. She's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great University. Since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of Christ. They gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement. Problem is, her husband's business wasn't great even even before COVID, and is barely limping along now. Sister doesn't work, and my parents have limited income. So guess who's constantly being told to "lend" them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. They don't even ask! My mom just texts me "your sister needs $X.XX for the kids" and I'm supposed to cough up. If I complain, they accuse me of being jealous because I don't have a husband and family even though I'm older (I'm only 26!) So over Easter I notice my sister isn't drinking and I think oh god, here we go again. Sure enough, she stands up and announces that she's been inseminated with yet another precious miracle. Everyone's gushing and I just try to stay quiet and out of the way. Later she asks me if everything's alright and I try to play it off but she pushes so I asked her if she and her husband could really afford another baby. She very snippily replies "God will provide like he has so far," which really pissed me off. I yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, **I** did, and I wasn't going to giving them any more handouts. It devolved into a big argument with everyone shouting at me, and basically I've been banned from my family unless I apologize. I haven't apologized. It's been radio silence except for one text from my mom saying that if my sister miscarries it's my fault for stressing her out. I asked if my sister was showing any symptoms but no one will answer or tell me. IDK. I don't think I'm TA but I don't want to be the reason she miscarries. Also, I think I might be TA because secretly I think it would be better if she did even though I wouldn't say that to her.

NTA and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say " no, sister said God will provide so I'm giving him a turn"

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/11364rz/aita_if_i_tell_my_friend_her_bf_is_planning_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf To everyone who told me to keep my mouth shut, thank you. So on Saturday, the day of the proposal, I got a call from her boyfriend. He was SCREAMING at me, BLAMING ME for not showing up (uninvited still) to the proposal with her parents because she was upset they weren’t there… I was fucking slack jawed. I told him I knew this would happen, and He says VERBATIM “you just admitted you knew this would happen, so If you knew the whole time and you actually cared about her, you would have invited them.” I was Gob smacked and hung up on him. Not even an hour later I get a call from her asking me to come to her parents. According to her, this is how the situation played out: he popped the q, she said yes and the people he invited popped out from hiding. She was bombarded by 4 of his guy friends, his mom, dad, older brother and his sister in law. His parents were holding a sign that read “welcome to the family, Mrs.(insert his last name here)” and this is where things go down hill. I did not know this before (and I thought I knew everything), but my friend doesn’t want to change her last name, and she’s told him that repeatedly since they got together. She’s an only child from a Ukrainian family and with everything going on with Ukraine in the last year she’s doubled down. When she saw the sign she joked “Mrs.(his last name)? I think you mean Mrs.(her last name)!” Everyone went silent until his mom said “Well the ring is already engraved, no changing it now!” She takes the ring off and see’s “Mrs.(his last name)” engraved on the band. Then she asked if her parents were coming. He gave every excuse: He didn’t have their number, there were too many people there, he wanted to keep it private and eventually said “This was my proposal to you and now My family is your family. We can just send your parents the pictures later.” SHE TOOK THE RING OFF AND LEFT. That’s when I’m assuming I got that call from him. She went straight to her parents. She asked them about the engagement, they were clueless. She then asked if I knew anything. I asked if she was in the right place, she said she was, so I told her I would answer any question she had (rather than dumping everything on her). She was upset but thanked me. She was furious when I told her about the call from him earlier and said “does he really think I’m that shallow?” She said it wasnt about having a perfect proposal or her parents there, it was about him making the whole thing about himself as always and she was done feeling ignored and belittled. So this was her breaking point. She’s staying with her parents currently and has been receiving texts from him. The worst one so far is him telling her she has to pay him back for the ring and for ruining his life. Right now, all I can do is be here for her, and whatever decision she makes, I will fully support because, as you’ve all helped me realize, this isn’t about me, it’s about her. Not my monkey, not my circus. Edit: she gave him the ring back when she took it off, I didn’t include that because I was at the 3,000 character limit already. EDIT 2 (update): I did not mention this plan when I originally posted just in case her ex found this thread, but I can report now that we got a heads up last night that he wasn’t at their apartment, so we ran over and got most of her shit out, at least all the really important stuff. To those asking, no she isn’t going back to him, it’s over.

I dont know what happened before but i really hope this poor girl sees these glaring red flags and ends things with him.

My biological (12yo) daughter ~ Susan likes to collect and read old children's books. She's become incredible reader. She had problems with reading and learning before and we were advised to encourage her to read and eversince she started reading (which she does regularly) her skills improved. she also reads to her 2yo sister everynight. I have a (16yo), stepson ~ Levi who can be a hothead sometimes. We don't have a son~dad relationship but I respect him and he respects me though he can act quite mean and selfish towards me and his sisters. He'd throw away stuff that belongs to us over small arguments and teases Susan for spending a lot of time to read calling her grandma. My wife and I discussed his behavior and had conversations and agreed on punishments but Levi'd go to his dad's place whenever he causes troubles then have his dad yell at me for wanting to discuss a suitable punishment. Then Levi comes home days later expecting me to let go of what he did everytime, it's frustrating. I got a call at work from Susan saying Levi took her entire book collection and threw them in the pool after she refused to lend him and his friends her camera for his trip. My wife helped get them out but they were wet and some were torn. It was horrific because some of those books are hard to get and meant a lot to Susan as a part of her life. I was so mad at Levi I came home to have a conversation with my wife to decide on a punishment but he already packed a small bag and went to his dad's, I asked my wife how could she let him basically run after doing this and she said he called his dad and he came to pick him up after Susan said that I was coming home to deal with the problem. I went to his dad's house and he refused to let me see him. I told him how Levi was hiding from consequences and his dad tried to justify why Levi was acting out by blaming me for how me and Susan treat him. He even said he'd get CPS involved if I ever try to punish him because I'm not his dad, I have no right. Adding what Levi did was a reaction to my daughter being mean to him. He told me to leave because Levi won't come home til I promise not to do anything about what he did and put it in writing. I told him Levi should stay there with him then. He's not to come back til ~he~ get proper punishment. His dad argued it's his mom's house too and called my wife and she asked to let this go and we'll figure out some way to resolve it but I don't think it's fair for Susan to have her books ruined and Levi getting away with it. They're asking me to let it go but this will only encourage Levi to do worse if I don't deal with it now. It's been 2 weeks and my in-laws say I was out of line for banning Levi from coming home and are telling me to step back but I refused. EDIT ~ Levi's dad thinks that because I'm not his bio dad then I have no right to punish him for whatever he does in the house. In the past his dad caused issues when I used to take Levi's electronics (that his dad bought) as punishment. Then I got talked out of punishing him everytime he did something unacceptable wether to me or his sisters. I've arranged for family therapy but Levi's dad refused to let him go. EDIT ~ I'd like to mention that my inlaws said that Levi is willing to apologize to Susan and so this should be enough to get this over with but I kept saying no and for that I'm being considered at fault.

NTA. If your wife refuses to punish her son, then you need to divorce her, or at the very lease move into a separate house with Susan and your youngest daughter until Levi is out of the house for good. If your stepson continues to get away with hurting Susan with no consequence, Susan is going to suffer greatly. This is a hill to die on. EDIT: To everyone telling me that divorce is a crazy suggestion and is an overreaction, I would like to point out my suggestion specified that he should do it **if** his wife refuses to punish her son. I'm not saying that he shouldn't try to convince his wife first, I'm saying that **if** she continues to go along with her ex-husband and refuse to punish her son when her son does horrible things to his daughter, then OP needs to separate his daughters from the stepson. If OP does manage to get his wife on his side, then no, obviously he shouldn't need to divorce his wife.

Update to [Original Post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qhedvt/aita_for_exposing_my_parents_favoritism/). I decided to go ahead and call my grandparents to accept their offer to move in. During the phone call I asked them why there was monthly payments being sent to my parents. Turns out my parents were living beyond their means for a while because my mother quit her job to be a full time stay at home mom. My grandparents decided to help out by sending them money monthly to help with my parents mortgage and also to set aside some of that money for college savings for both my brother and I that was to be split evenly. Turns out my parents only planned to put that savings towards my brother's college. And that's also how they bought his car as well. So from now on my parents are now on their own financially. Likely my mother will have to go back to work to help my dad keep up the mortgage. I confronted my parents and asked why they've always treated my brother as the favorite. Then asked if there was something I needed to know. Turns out there was...**NOTHING**! Literally nothing! I'm not an affair baby. Not even an unplanned pregnancy! They just liked my brother more! I was mad as hell and we argued a lot before I left the room because I'd had enough. My grandparents showed up on Saturday with a moving truck. My parents were floored when we started bringing in boxes to pack. My father got in our way and I reminded him how he said that I should move out, so I am. My mother cried some more and said that my father was just angry in the moment when he said that, and they had been counting on my rent money to help with my brother's college fund. I asked if that meant he would never have had to pay rent like I did when he turns 18. My father then said that since I was taking a gap year to work, then my rent money could have helped my brother. Which means they never intended for him to get a job while going to college. My grandpa was enraged and confronted my father, saying he raised him better than this. He chewed him out saying he's never been more disappointed in him, and they will no longer receive any more financial support. Then said he'd disown them both if they ever tried to retaliate against me for exposing them. My father backed down and neither he or my mother said another word to me. I had a bit of an awkward conversation with my brother as we said our goodbyes to each other. And that was it. I just got in my car, waved and drove off. I'm now fully moved into my new room at my grandparents' house. It's a little smaller, but nice. And my grandparents are very welcoming. I'm going to keep working hard to move forward from here and I appreciate everyone's support.

>they had been counting on my rent money to help with my brother's college fund. At that point any doubts you had should have disappeared; you're leaving forever and their only thought is "But what about money for us and your brother?!" Your parents are irredeemable assholes. Also, I *really* like your Grandfather!

OK so this is kinda complex, I'll make it short. This acc is just for privacy reasons -I always had good grades in high-school, was home on time, cleaned the house etc. I never had problems with my parents before this. -I went to med school, still living with parents when I was 20, I dated someone who was 23 -Dad was against this because be does not believe in dating people far older than you (so like don't date far from your own age) and says I cannot date J. -Argument breaks out, Dad says it's his house so either I agree or I move out. I say it's not fair as J has a job, goes to college, has future plans etc. Dad kicks me out. Mom agrees with his decision. Little bro was only 14 at the time. -I moved with J, his family was supportive, helped me with my college (I went to another college due to financial reasons), finished my required years but still kept in touch with my lil bro -Years later, me and J (with the help of his parents) got a small house. (Like really small but I'm happy with it). I ended up giving birth to a sweet baby girl. I let my lil bro know that he could come see her when he was able to. He came a few times. -Today, bro came to see the baby, and asked when I was going to let mom and dad see her since they wanted to reconnect. I said never and that I wasn't going to forgive them. Bro says I'm being unreasonable as they were just strict and trying to protect me, I say that's bullshit because Dad shouldn't have kicked me out over age. Bro says I should at least let Mom come because she didn't want to agree with it. I say Mom was able to do something but didn't,but that Bro's situation was different because he was only 15. Bro is upset because he says Mom and Dad regret their decision and just want to reconnect and that I am dragging this entire situation. I told him that if he thinks I'm 'dragging it out' then he can stay out of my life too. He's angry and says that I need to move on and that I shouldn't be withholding them from seeing THEIR grandchild. I say that THEY disowned me and so have no grandchild from a daughter that doesn't exist. AITA? I don't hate my bro and I (kinda) get what he is saying, but I just have a resentment for my parents. It's not like I had a baby just to put it against them, but my lil bro thinks I'm going go die on a hill with them for something done several years ago and it's petty. I'm curious on what reddit thinks. I want a relationship with my bro, just not my mom and dad

NTA. Two things; 23 isn't too far away from 20. Holy shit. I feel like your parents just used that excuse as a way to control you. It's manipulative and gross to give your grown daughter ultimatums over who she dates. You have every right to be angry. You have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't. If I were you, I'd tell your brother that this is YOUR kid, and your decisions are to be respected and not discussed any further unless he wants to damage the relationship you guys have maintained. edit: for those quoting me on "you have every right to decide who your child sees and who it doesn't" & how that's the same mindset that her parents originally had Y'all know damn well that there's a big ass difference between making decisions for a young child and for an older teen/adult.

Uh basically title I guess. My sister has a habit of saying "you know what really gets my goat", she probly says it 7/8 times a day. So like that tumblr post i taught my niece to say "el chupacabra" when her mom says it (it sounds more like "eh supacaba" tho cause shes four but its adorable). I told my niece it was a monster from Mexico that eats goats and she didnt seem scared or anything, probly cause the only monster she knows is cookie monster, but apparently now my niece walks around the house saying "el chupacabra!" all day and now my sister & brother in law are mad at me for teaching her this, but imo its kind of adorable and also harmless?? But like shes my sisters kid so idk.

NTA. This is what kids do, you wind them up and you set them loose.

I am in college and my roommate from last year, Meg, who's family is really rich, said she could bring a friend on vacation. It was kinda awkward, I was her third choice but her family vetoed the first two because they didn't want her bringing a boy or this other female friend of hers they disliked. Her parents bought my plane ticket and booked the resort which I was very grateful for and I saved a lot of money up so I could make sure I buy my own food and activities when I'm there, and treat her family to a dinner as a thank you for the ticket. But when the trip started, it was just bad. It was her, me, her mother, her father, two of her father's friends, and her three brothers going. On the flight, they all got first class and got me a economy seat. But I didn't say anything because why argue about a free ticket? The first night they went to a grocery, it turns out they wanted to cook at the resort kitchen for the whole trip And by "they wanted to cook" it actually turned out that they wanted me and Meg to cook. I wasn't warned about this but it turns out Meg's family is sooo "traditional" that they see cooking as a women's job. And her mom had just had hand surgery. So it was me and Meg cooking every meal for six men and her mom. And I can't cook well. I know a couple staple meals to feed myself but since I rarely eat meat I don't know how to cook it. I'm also ok at cooking for 1 or 2 but have no practice cooking for a group of 9 I screwed it up, undercooked chicken, and overcooked some steak and her dad was angry with me. I got short with him and told him that if he knew how to do better he could pitch in instead of standing around criticizing. But he got furious and said he was on his vacation. I said that I was trying to have a vacation too, or did they invite me to be an unpaid domestic servant? Meg's parents and dad's friends got angry I said that and started yelling at me. The argument escalated, I sarcastically called myself "the help" His dad snapped at me and told me to get out of their suite and go home. Didn't say shit about how he expected me to do that. I left and called the airline with my ticket, and asked them if they could do anything to prevent anyone else from modifying or cancelling my ticket. They let me set a passcode, and no changes could be made to the flight without it. Then I went to the resort desk to ask about rooms, saying I was stranded unexpectedly. They actually did have some affordable rooms available because of a weekday discount. So I got housing and still had money left over for touristy stuff. I went sightseeing and relaxed on the beach for three days, until Meg's parents ran into me. They were taking a sunset walk and did a double take seeing me on the beach. They said they thought I was going home, and I said I decided to stay. They were angry because they saw me staying and using the return flight as having deceived them into thinking I couldn't afford a vacation, and using them for flights when I could actually afford things. AITA for staying on that vacation and using the flight home? ,,,,

NTA - this is no way to treat the friend of your child? Also it is no was to treat your child wtf, your poor friend

It would seem that some popular social media personalities have decided that this is a great sub for content. The “God” Facebook page likes to mine AITA content, look for assholes, and put them on blast via TheDodo. A recent poster has also said the the “news” page The Mirror picked up his post as well. I’m sure there are others. A lot of you post about stuff because your friends and family aren’t on reddit, but now we need to be careful as to what other social media they may be on, and take extra steps to preserve your anonymity. Throwaways are already encouraged, but make sure names are changed enough (not just initials), and change any non-relevant details. Good luck! Edit: this has made it to r/all, and a lot of folks have pointed out that a bunch of other subs get mined as well. Protect your privacy, people!

This just makes me think about all the people who are like "throwaway because I don't want anybody to find out!" *Posts tons of identifying details*

When I was 25, we found out that my father had been cheating on my mother for years and he had a 7 year old daughter with his mistress. In one split second, the happy family I knew was gone, and I went through the darkest time in my life. My parents divorced and per their prenup, my mother walked away with most of their assets (since she also contributed more to the family income). She never forgave my dad for what he did and never talked to him again, though she grudgingly allowed me to have whatever relationship I wanted to have with him. I eventually forgave my dad mostly because I was tired of carrying so much anger and hurt in my heart. I talk to him but I want nothing to do with his mistress or my half sister. My mother died last year and left me everything - her money, her real estate assets, and her business, which I now own and operate. I am in a relatively comfortable financial position, while my dad is... getting by. He was never a good businessman on his own and lost a lot of his money on businesses that later went belly up. This year my half sister was diagnosed with a life threatening sickness, and she has been in the hospital for the last four months. The bills are mounting and my dad came to me for help because they are now in a situation where they are finding it difficult to come up with money for my half sister's treatment. The thing is, I don't want to use my mother's money to pay for the treatment of the child her husband had with his other woman. Though it's not my half sister's fault, it feels so unfair when I think that the money my mother worked hard all her life for will go to a child that neither my mother and I have any responsibility towards, and the very same child of the man and the woman who hurt her so much at that. I'd really rather use it to grow her company and let my dad and my half sister's mother figure out how to get money for her treatment. They are her parents after all. The only thing tying me to her is my father saying "She is your sister" and "If she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" AITA?

NTA >"If she dies because she didn't get the treatment she needs, would you be able to sleep at night?" It's wrong of your dad to lay this guilt on you. His daughter is his burden. While it's not fair for a little girl to suffer, I don't blame you for not caring about her wellbeing.

I have waited tables for the last three years. During my shift last night, a group of four women in their late 20s came in. They were a pleasure to have as customers. They ordered four of our house cocktails to start with and then went over the menu for their entrees. When I was on my way back to their booth with the drinks on a tray, I walked by the back side and overheard one of them talking about how she was 14 weeks along. When I rounded back, they were talking about the same topic and it was clear to me that she was pregnant. I figured her having one drink wasn't a big deal. They ordered their entrees and I went off to handle other tables. About five minutes later, they called me over again and asked for another round. At this point I started getting concerned, but I took the order and cheerfully said I'd be right back. This time, I went to the bartender, and asked him to make one of them a virgin cocktail. He was confused but since he's a good friend of mine, I told him to just trust me. A few cocktails later (hers strictly virgin) they started getting rowdy, and Mrs. Pregnant Woman was also getting into it. I figured that since she didn't notice, things were OK. The problem came when I took them their check, and they asked to split the bill at the register. When Mrs. Pregnant Woman got to the counter, I saw her cocktails were marked with (virgin). My bartender had edited each in the system for inventory. It was too late for me to edit them back, so I just had her pay, hoping that she wouldn't look at the receipt. They all thanked me and left, leaving a generous tip in the process. They were talking in the parking lot for the next short while, presumably waiting for an Uber. Several minutes later Mrs. Pregnant Woman came back and asked what (virgin) on the receipt meant. I fessed up that it meant non-alcoholic. She blank stared me for a few seconds and then asked if she had ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. I said no, but told her that I assumed she wanted one seeing as she was pregnant. It was a lame lie and I'll admit it, but she looked me in the eye and asked me to return her part of the tip. I did so. Then she talked to my manager. My manager took me into her office and literally shrieked at me until hoarse. I stood my ground and told her that I'm not going to be responsible for FAS. She told me that she was taking me off the calendar until she decided what to do with me. She also informed me that I could get the restaurant in serious trouble for discrimination, and upon examination of my state's laws, she is correct. But when I talked to my mother and father about it tonight, they told me that they understood my position. The entire staff at the restaurant is against me and I think that I'm going to call in and tell my manager that I quit, but I still feel in the right here. I would like some perspective on this and if I'm the asshole here.

Esh but you had good intentions. She sucks for obvious reasons, you suck because you had no way to prove she was a pregnant, you altered her drink without informing her, and you made a big decision without speaking to your manager. Edit: if she isn't pregnant, OP is the sole asshole here (for the same reasons mentioned above). OP won't even expand upon what he overheard, just keeps quoting himself saying she was definitely pregnant. And to the snarky assholes saying"is that the only way to tell if someone is pregnant?" and "let me just carry a test around": Obviously not, but this also isnt about the customer trying to prove she's pregnant, it's about OP and his choice to assume the customer is pregnant simply by overhearing a conversation. OP could've ASKED the customer, but he still should've talked to his manager first before altering someone's food without telling them.

This has going on since forever so decided to do something. I’m (16m) half Mexican from my dad’s side and my mom’s side is Scottish. Ngl most of my mom’s family is high key racist and is been problems sometimes growing up. My grandma on my mom’s side never liked my dad and was happy after they divorced when I was 7. My names Emiliano and my grandma always complained how hard she tried to change my parents minds and it’s a shame I got stuck with it. I’m actually proud of it. My dad told me about the revolutionary I was named after and their history. But literally my entire life my grandma refuses to say it. She says it’s “too many syllables” (i got a cousin named Alexandria and they say the whole name) and always came up with her own names. She says Leo or once tried to get everyone to call me “Elliot” as a nickname for a while. Obvious my moms family was for it but my dad refused that cause it’s not my name. Is always the same thing when I see them. She’ll call me Leo or whatever. Even when I correct her she says it’s not a big deal an keeps calling wrong name. I told my mom I don’t like it but she always say I’m just not gonna change her mind and no point in fighting it. So I decided if she not gonna wanna call me by my actual name in not gonna call her grandma or say her right name. Is stupid I know but it’s bothering me more that she don’t care and all my other cousins she says their names fine, no nicknames. Her name is Susan so I decided to call her Sandy. Tbh I was scared to say it but that look on her face was worth it lmao. It wasn’t surprise Pikachu face but it was close. She said that is not how I address her and it’s “grandma”. I told her nah I’mma call her sandy from now until she says my actual name. It got awkward. My mom was serious and my gma got super red in the face. She started ranting about me being a fucking disrespectful child and this is all my dad influencing me again. My mom told me I need to apologize immediately but idk what gave me the balls to not do it. We ended up leaving there house early and my mom didn’t talk to me until we got home. She say what I did was outta line and I don’t disrespect my elders ever. She wants me to apologize and I’m grounded until I do. Haven’t talked to my dad yet about this since it just happened but I wanted to ask if it was being an asshole or was it okay for this situation to “insult my grandmother” ?

Adults and the elderly don't like it when they're given a dose of their own medicine. NTA Emiliano is not a difficult name to pronounce and your grandmother's not respecting you when she's always mispronouncing it, so why should you respect her? It's a two-way street, and you don't owe her respect just because she's your grandmother. Good on you for sticking up for yourself and calling attention to her BS.

Hear me out. I (31F) and my husband tried for 5 years to get pregnant. Testing eventually revealed I have eggs of fucking steel and without medical help I'll never get pregnant. So that's what we did. Gave our samples, one petri dish and 9 months later I have 2 beautiful fraternal twin boys. Jack and Adam (fake). Thing is Jake has a condition. Without going into detail, requires a shot once a week. Once he is older he can take pills. I went back to work and MIL offered to watch the babes (shes wonderful, I trust her 100%. They were 9months.. Now 16months) during this time she would give his injection as we had a schedule. 10am before snack and nap. Worked very well until a month ago when she gave the shot to the wrong kid. Now they may be fraternal but they look identical. I'll be honest my husband and I even mix them up sometimes. Everyone does. She immediately noticed her mistake called 911 and they were transferred to hospital. By the time I got there Adam had been given the reversal agent and they were both happily sipping on juice loving the attention. We went home the same night told to push fluids. He was never in danger. Its a very slow acting medication that, at worst, would have given him diarrhea in a few days. MIL was beside herself. I tried to ease her worry but she refused to babysit so to daycare they went. This daycare has a nurse cause some of the kids have medications so she new what to do but the worry of mixing up the kids was a valid concern (and they would NOT keep name tags on) Doctor recommended a medical tattoo. Explained they tattoo a freckle, no bigger then the end of a pencil eraser, on an area of skin that's easily seen while the child is under mild sedation similar to dental offices. Because of the area it usually fades in 2-3yrs but by then they should have developed more personal features and may not need it redone. So after discussion with my husband we did it. He has a 2mm brown freckle on his earlobe. From entering the office to leaving it took 30 minutes. Never felt a thing. MIL lost her shit the second I mentioned a medical tattoo. I tried to explain but she just freaked out so I put both kids on the floor and told her to pick up Jack and find the tattoo. She picked up Adam So I handed her Jack and after 20 minutes still couldn't find it. Stripped him to his skivvies. I finally pointed it out and she went "That's just a freckle" I just said... "My point exactly. Adam doesn't have a freckle there.. So that's how daycare can tell them apart" She's still pissed and ranting. Once I explain to others and they fail to find it they understand but they still think I went to far in tattooing my child and altering their body. I believe I took the necessary precautions recommended by the doctor and the tattoo will fade with sun exposure and as he grows. By the time he's 5 it probably won't even be visible or it'll just look like a faded freckle. So.. AITA?

NTA at all, it’s literally a fake freckle. It’s not like you gave him a full sleeve of pin up girls and muscle cars. Also, it’s to make it harder to accidentally kill him or his brother. You made the right call. Edit: my first gold ever and it’s from a comment about giving a toddler a tattoo sleeve. I love Reddit for this exact reason. Thank you!

I (30 F) my ex-husband (31m). Got divorced 5 yrs ago. During our divorce we owned a old single wide mobile home (1973). On a large piece of land that is zoned for a trailer park. He wanted the new truck and our savings. I wanted the old trailer and the land. My ex and I have 2 girls (8&7). Since my divorce. I slowly started buying old single wides and restoring them. Turning it into a business. I love it. My girls go to their dads and AP apartment every other weekend. I started noticing their clothes, electronics, toys were not coming home. At first I thought their dad was just keeping a few outfits there for them. However, my 8 yr. old got upset when she was packing. I asked her what was wrong. She told me her dad takes her clothes and sells them on line. That she doesn’t want to take her favorite shirt over there. I immediately called my ex. I asked him to return our daughters clothes. Not wanting to throw my daughter under the bus. I blamed it on them not having enough for school. He played dumb. He said he got rid of the clothes that were too small. I pointed out that the jeans our (7 yr.) had were brand new. He then said that it was only fair he got some cash because he owned the trailer and land. If it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be doing this good. I was pissed. I took my daughters down to the dollar store and bought cheap shirts. To a thrift store and bought cheap shorts. We had a “girls” tie dye night. Hot pink every thing. Each made 5 shirts and 5 bottoms. I let our girls design and decorate them. My girls loved it. The following week Ex sends the girls home. I could tell he is mad but, he didn’t say anything. The clothes were not returned. No fear I knew this would be a issue. We made extras. When the girls went back they were wearing tie dye. They were with their dad for a hour before he called and demanded different clothes. I kindly told him that our daughters love those clothes (they really really love tie dye). Ex get even angrier and said his parents have a major family party and the girls can’t wear pink tie dye. I told him that he should go buy other clothes if he didn’t want them to wear it. He called me an A for being petty. AITA? Edited to add. Thank you so much for all the comments. Here are some things to clarify. 1) AP stands for Affair partner 2) owned is past tense. My ex is not on the land deed or the title to my trailer. 3) sadly this is a true story. I am sorry for those who don’t believe it. At the same time my heart goes out to those who shared your similar stories. Thank you for the love and support

Nta Keep a record of what goes over there and back. As you can have the child support changed to show he is taking it back

I M37 have been with my fiancee F37 for 2 years. We're getting married soon, I've only met her family a couple of times. My daughter "Judy" F16 has never met them til very recently where they hosted dinner to celebrate 4th of july and that's when they met her for the first time. Judy has a visible burnscar on her forehead. It was due to an accident she was in when she was 9. She used tk be incredibly insecure about it. To the point where I was forced to home school her and it was hard trying to deal with and navigate through this rough time. Now she's doing a lot better though some comments can really cause her to become stressed out and anxious. My fiancee knows all that and respects it. Before we went to her parents house I asked her to tell them about Judy and her struggle and get to try and not say anything negative about it or possibly mention it. She said she would guarentee no one will say anything. We got to the event and they talked to Judy and she slowly warmed up to them. Everything was going well til I was dinner time. My FMIL looked at Judy while she was eating and pointed at her scar. Basically asking questions about it which made Judy lose her appetite and start to get uncomfortable. I kept sending my fiancee and her mom signs to knock it off but to no avail. Finally, FMIL then brought up the wedding and asked my fiancee if it'd be possible to "photoshop" the scar out of any wedding photos that will have Judy in them just in case they distract viewers. I was dumbfounded, fiancee said nothing just stared casually while nodding. I looked at Judy and it was clear this got to her. I leaned closer and asked if she was feeling uncomfortable and that we could leave if the answer was yes. She took her time then nodded and said "yes, I'm feeling uncomfortable right now".I got up and told her to get ready cause we were leaving. My fiancee, her mom and the family started insisting we finish dinner and stay but I refused. I took Judy and got in the car and left before even talking to my fiance. Obviously, she was pissed. She called an was angry talking about how I disrespected her parents by taking Judy and leaving in the middle of dinnerand not even "saying goodbye", i told her that Judy was feeling uncomfortable with FMILs comments and questions. She said Judy overreacted and is in need to go back to therapy if a simply mention of her scar caused her to react that way. I got tired of arguing and asked her to give us some time but she went on me and said that I have no respect for her and her family and that what I did was irrational and now she won't speak to me til I clear things up with her family after ruining their celebratory dinner.

OH, OP, your fiancee has shown her true colors. She doesn't in fact care about your daughter. If she did, she would have realized that your FMIL suggesting you "photo shop out the scar so it doesn't distract" is hella insulting. If I were you I'd rethink the wedding and that family. They owe YOU and JUDY the apology not the other way around. NTA.

Hi. I'm a new mom, had my son 5 weeks ago. my husband's parents have been staying with us and things have been super overwhelming. MIL has a habit of taking the baby and refusing to give him back to me. She'd say I'm deliberately ruining her time with him. My son needs feeding every 2hrs and she basically makes me beg her to hand him over to me so I could feed. last night at 10PM. MIL had my son in her arms while sitting on the couch with my husband and his dad. I was exhausted, the baby started crying. I told my MIL to hand him over to me so I could feed him. She refused and I kept asking. my husband starts talking about what a whinny little girl I was to complain that our son is receiving love and cuddles and how I'm using feeding as an excuse to keep the baby away from his mom. I ignored him and told his mom to hand over the baby. she refused and said I needed to wait a little longer. I got angry at this point, My husband said I could take the baby after I ask his mom nicely. This had me seething I meanly told his mom to stop being annoying and overbearing and hand him over to me. She looked at me shocked and hurt. She handed the baby over and ran into the guest room and my husband gave me a look than followed her and stayed inside to comfort her. He came into the room while I was feeding my son and started yelling about how disrespectful I was to speak to his mom this way and treat her poorly when all she's doing is showing our son more love than I do. I told him about how she's been taking the baby for hours and preventing me from feeding him properly. he said that 1, our son isn't an object for me to act like I own him and 2, his mom was doing nothing wrong and 3, I should've asked nicely instead of being a bi$ch to his mom and making her cry. I started crying and yelled that I'd go to my mom's place if his parents stay any longer and he yelled back saying "shut the fuck up, you're only acting up cause you don't want my parents around! fuck's wrong with you?" then walked out. I felt terrible thinking maybe I was rude to his mom but I also think that I'd hit my limits here. AITA for not asking her nicely like my husband wanted? Edit; some mistakes because my hands are a bit unsteady.

NTA. Pack your gear and take baby to your parents. Re think your relationship as well, who the hell speaks to their wife like that especially after having baby. Protect your mental/physical health at all cost.

This might seem silly. I (24F) like wearing cheerful socks, since my uniform is all white (currently working as an phlebotomist), it usually cheers up the patients too. I've spent a few years collecting strange socks, ones with sushi, pizza, corgis, cats, Nick Cage, etc. I think I had about 30 pairs. My boyfriend (29M) has always hated them, and thinks they're childish. So I agreed to only wear them to work, and never on dates or around his friends/family. I thought that was fair. On boxing day his parents came over for coffee and gifts (just the 4 of us, which is allowed where I live, and keeping a solid 3 meters apart). I accidentally put on a pair of 'childish' socks, and his mother made a comment about it. I explained that I wear them to work to cheer people up, and she liked that. My boyfriend didn't. The next day all my socks were gone, and the drawer was filled with plain black socks. I asked my boyfriend, and he told me he threw them away and purchased some more 'appropriate' socks, so I won't embarrass him in front of his parents again. I told him that that's insane, they were mine and he had no right to throw them away. Not to mention that I spend quite some time collecting them. So I made a list of the ones I remembered I had, and told him that I expect the same ones as a replacement. He told me that's completely unreasonable, and that it would take a lot of time/effort/money for him to find those specific pairs. I haven't changed my mind yet, they cost me a lot of time and effort to find too. I think he's being controlling, he thinks I'm being unreasonable and demanding. AITA? I think I might be an asshole for asking for the exact same pairs, I know that'll take a lot of effort to find. Edit: Thanks everyone for replying, I've realised that this might not be a 'normal' fight and am evaluating the relationship.

Holy shit. NTA. Honestly this is breakup-worthy behavior on his part. He *stole* your personal property. He's trying to force you to stop doing something you enjoy because *he* doesn't like it, even though it doesn't impact him at all. He sounds like a huge controlling asshole.

I used to visit my dad most weekends and all of summer. He recently got remarried to someone I actually have a decent relationship with. I also have two stepbrothers who are younger and who I don't really interact with. My dad has a four bedroom house. So all the kids have a bedroom. When I went to visit last month, I was "surprised" with a renovated room. And by renovated I mean it was converted to an office with a couch that pulls out to a bed. It did look nice I suppose. Apparently my stepmother works from home and needed an office. I didn't cry or throw a tantrum. I slept in the room that weekend and have refused to stay the night since. I was really hurt and felt like I didn't matter. My mom tried to convince me to go back but gave up after I told her I was old enough to decide. My dad is stressing out and has apologized and said he'll change the room back but honestly, I'm done. This was the final thing that sealed the deal for me. I told him that as well. I told him I'll come for day visits and we can have dinners but I won't be staying overnight anymore. Was I the asshole? He did cry and I feel really shitty about it. Edit: I'm going to be 15 in a few months

NTA. This is why one has to be so careful when blending families. To go from having a room to being made to feel like a guest hurts. There should have been some conversation before any renovations happened. Give your dad a chance though. He knows he messed up and does want to fix it

I'm a 30 year old male and my best friend got married last week. I just bought a house and my wife is expecting out son in November, so I let him know I was limited in what I could contribute financially, but did tell him I would try my best. So, I wend to the bachelor party in Maine, I rented the tux, and paid for mine and my wife's dinner at the rehearsal dinner. I also had a gift of $300 that I was going to give them, but we will get to why I didn't give it to them. His (now wife, then fiance) texted me multiple times a day with updates--fine. I didn't always respond and it got to the point where if I didn't repsond at LEAST once a day, I'd get a call from my buddy. (I have a full time job and am redoing some rooms in my house, so I'm busy.) She texted me for the following reasons: 1. My wife was NOT allowed to talk about our pregnancy, at all. She didn't want anyone to focus on that more than her, the bride. 2. She was NOT going to order special food for my wife (no one asked her to, my wife was fine with whatever she was going to be served.) 3. I was not helping the groom enough, he had to help her with favors, seating charts and programs, so I had to help him with those things, according to her. She also said to get ready to help with thank you notes after the wedding. 4. She said if I was a true best man, I would offer to pay for the bar bill. I don't even know what that means. 5. She had to read a approve my speech before the rehearsal dinner and wanted to be include as much, as my buddy. She told me to make up things if I had to. I was also NOT allowed to include anyone but the two of them and no inside jokes or stories about my buddy that didn't include her. 6. Her last text said to tell my wife to keep it together and not make a pregnancy scene during the wedding. Also, she wanted her to choose a dress that downplayed her pregnancy as much as possible. I was just so aggravated, I spoke to my friend to see if he could reason with her. He told me to just play ball on this one, it's her day and to cut him a break, because he'd be dealing with her nonsense for the rest of his life. I was annoyed but calmed down. The day of, all the bride and my buddy do is scold me, berate me and bark orders. I head down to the bar for the a drink...the bride's mother is there and warns me not to get drunk because I've ruined her daughter's day enough. Final straw. I didn't give them the card with the cash and in the speech, I used my friend's exact wording about having to deal with her nonsense for the rest of his life. I wished them the best and told him I'd always be there for him, especially during the divorce. AITA?

ESH- here’s why: 1. Groom knew he was marrying a piece of work and instead of protecting his interests he cosigned, aided, and abetted his wife’s atrocious behavior. 2. His wife sucks for trying to regulate your wife’s body, for allowing her insecurities to cloud her judgement, and being the very definition of a bridezilla. 3. You, for not taking the high road and waiting until the very last min to defend your wife’s honor. Look dude, you were totally justified, but you also had ample opportunity to jump off the crazy train before it got this far. Being a good friend means having the comfortability and latitude to say no when your friends are off the rails. You waited until the last min and let your emotions get the better of you. Your wife deserved better from these people and from you in this moment. P.S. Get new friends, these people suck HARD. CORE. EDIT: Omg y’all thank you for the awards 🥰😭 EDIT 2: I’m trying to respond to all these awards and thank y’all- it’s way too kind 😭 EDIT 3: This has come up a couple of times so I’ll explain here: ESH- Everyone Sucks Here. This judgement is given when no one involved is innocent and all have contributed to the predicament that brought OP here in the first place. I hope this helps!

My 7 year old daughter’s doing virtual school in our living room recently. I heard her teacher address a girl named Kelly a few times, which stuck out to me because my daughter’s class is only about 15 kids and I know them all by this point in the year. A couple times more and I realized she was calling my daughter Kelly. My daughter’s name is Keeley, pronounced Kee-Lee. So after school was over I asked her if that had been happening all year in this teacher’s class and she said it had and it really annoyed her. I asked her why she hadn’t corrected the teacher if it annoyed her so much and she said she had repeatedly at the beginning of the year but the teacher kept calling her Kelly, so eventually she gave up on reminding her. I sent the teacher a quick email explaining the misunderstanding but got no response. This teacher teaches a special subject (think music, gym, art, or language), not just one grade level, so my daughter will be in her classes for the next several years, so we couldn’t just wait it out. And how moments like these are handled now will set the stage for how my kid deals with similar situations on her own in the working world. I encouraged my daughter to come to class early or stay late her again, thinking maybe she hadn’t heard or understood her last time, so a quiet one on one would be better. She got to the class early and she told her very politely that her name was “Keeley like really, instead of Kelly like jelly” and that people often get it confused so she just wanted to clarify. So class starts and sure enough she gets called Kelly again almost immediately. So there’s only so much self advocation a seven year old can be expected to do. I just walked over and said “Hi, this is *Keeley’s* Dad. Her’s name not Kelly. It’s Keeley. Hard E. Sorry for any confusion.” A few hours later I had an email in my inbox “inviting” my wife and I to a parent teacher conference with the vice principle. The long and short of the meeting ended up being the school feels that while the teacher probably should’ve learned her name, that the real problem is she feels I challenged her authority by correcting her in class and that the names were “similar enough” for it to “not have warranted such drastic action.” That surprised me. I couldn’t believe a meeting was necessary, let alone that it cast blame on us. I can’t tell if I’m being that annoying “my kid matters most” parent that my grandmother the schoolteacher always complained about or if the teacher should just learn her damn name because that’s a basic part of her job. AITA?

I had a teacher do that to my daughter and she only corrected herself when I started addressing her by the wrong name. Yeah NTA

My older brother (OB) is... a bit of a bum. It's mean to say but it's true. He can never hang onto a job for longer than a couple years max and when he inevitably loses whatever job he had he starts mooching off family and friends until he can find another job months later. This entails him freeloading at their place, eating their food, using their stuff, etc. He's lost friends because of how long he bummed off of them and I don't blame them for cutting him off. Well this last time he lost his job he went to our parents but they didn't have room because they were letting our eldest brother's (EB) family stay with them after he and SIL lost their jobs out of nowhere within the same month (EB's entire crew was laid off with zero warning and SIL's work burned down) and they couldn't afford the home they were renting anymore. So OB was pretty much SOL. So our parents, aunt, and uncle all started calling me asking if I'd take him in just long enough so he could get on his feet again. I (stupidly) let myself feel bad for him and said okay, but he only had a few months to get another job or he was out on the street. They all said of course, of course and so he came to stay with me. And it was a nightmare. He's a slob. He NEVER washes dishes, never washes his clothes, and eats pretty much whatever he wants. I guess since I'm his little sister he figured he could ignore me saying to get his shit together. Well after 6 months I told him he had to go. And gave him a couple weeks to find somewhere else. Well it seems he called our parents and cried about me kicking him out and they told him he knew he couldn't stay forever but they also ofc called my aunts/uncle and told them all about it. And my busybody aunt called me and scolded me for "being cruel to my brother" and "abandoning family when they need help". I let her talk and finally said she was right, helping family was important and I'm glad she showed me that. She seemed glad I "understood the right thing to do" before hanging up. So I followed her advice and packed my bro up and drove him to her house. I couldn't take care of him anymore (he was running all my bills up) but my aunt made a good point, family should help each other. So I dropped him off there (she has room since all her kids moved out) and then left. But I wasn't even halfway home before I was getting multiple calls from my parents and aunt. Parents were demanding to know why our aunt was blowing up their phones and aunt was leaving voicemails shouting at me to come back and get my brother. I explained to my parents and they said it was a good idea since aunt sounded like she wanted to help but my aunt called me an asshole and said she didn't want my brother there. And when I told her family helps each other she called me a cunt. Last I checked he's still living with her. AITA? \- Sorry for my lack of replies! I answered what ones I could before I left for work and when I got back I had far too many to answer. Lots of people have been asking similar questions so I thought answering them here once would be helpful. 1. My brother doesn't work menial jobs, he's not just hopping from one minimum wage job to another. He's working Very Good paying jobs. Like electronic repair, automotive maintenance, etc. He's very skilled but lazy. 2. No my aunt hasn't spoken to me since she called me a cunt then hung up on me. 3. My brother has only been with her about 3-ish weeks. He stayed with me for 6-7 months. 4. My brother was upset I was kicking him out initially but in a better mood when he realized I had another place lined up for him to stay. Not sure how they're doing together since I haven't talked to either since after I dropped him off. 5. No my aunt isn't married anymore, her and my uncle got divorced and he lives with his new wife (but I heard from dad that he thought this all was hilarious). \- Edit 2 - To everyone who has been hounding me through PM and in the comments, my brother isn't (last time we checked) neurodivergent nor does he have ADD or ADHD. Our mom took him to the doctor more than once around when he was 15-17 when his behavior was at its worst. According to our mom the doctors all said he was perfectly healthy and fine, though they (the doctors) suggested he wasn't being mentally stimulated enough (aka he was bored?). Mom wanted to take him to see other doctors but by then he'd turned 18 and refused to go and she couldn't force him. Also its been suggested he maybe see a doctor now but my OB doesn't seem at all interested. He's never had the highest respect for doctors or mental illness. He treats it like it's fake. When our baby sister was diagnosed with an ED when she was 19 he just cracked a joke about her just wanting a doctor's note so she could eat more...

NTA. Congratulations, you did exactly what Reddit always advises people in your situation! "If they think helping family is so important, *they* can take care of (freeloading relative)." Good job for being kind enough to give him a chance and for being strong enough to boot him out when you were fed up.

For context, this year was the first time we would try the "elf on the shelf" with our kids. We have 3 kids, Lucas (9M), Andy (8M), and Claire (5F). Where Lucas and Andy are from our past relationships. However, Miles (my husband M37) has accepted Andy as his, and so did I (F35) with Lucas. Every Christmas is special for Andy, his bd is on Dec/24. His dad started a tradition where Santa would've consideration with him for being a "kid of Christmas". So he feels magical and special. I always try to give him that. Last year, i left "Santa Claus" footsteps, ate a carrot and "grass" he left for Rudolf. Stuff like that. My husband doesn't think it's a good idea i do all that for him, and I'm showing favoritism. So, we should shut it down, because of my ex's decision to create a tradition without considering my other kid's feelings. I disagree since i do consider the 3 of them. But he asked if we could so smth else, like the Elf on the shelf. I had no problem with it, but I didn't know how that works. He explained me quickly, and since he was the one who offered, i let him do it. We bought the cute Elf. My kids named it "Bob". Later my husband explained them they should behave, and never touch/hold Bob if they don't want it to be naughty. At first, it was cute to see them spy on Bob, try to see it "fly" each night. Andy was the most excited of all, i found him one night talking with it, asking it if Santa still remembered him. But my husband took seriously the "Behave or Bob would be naughty" part. Lucas was his first victim after he didn't do his chores. The next day, his face was drawn with sharpie markers. Then Claire, who touched Bob and her fave onesie was destroyed. Apparently, Bob had cut some pieces of it, while she was sleeping. Miles was having fun, but i could see my kids weren't. I talked to him about how we should lower the pranks, he agreed but wanted to catch Andy since he hadn't break any rules. I told him that Bob's supposed to tell Santa instead of being naughty. We argued but he finally agreed. Fast forward, it's Christmas Eve and in the afternoon we had some of Andy's friends to celebrate his bd. So the kids were playing in backyard. But my husband looked sus. I decided to look for Bob. It was supposed to be in the kitchen but it wasn't there, I asked Miles where it was and he told me "no idea". I started getting paranoid, but Andy asked me if we could cut the cake already. I put my best face on and went for it. The cake was in a box, and when Andy opened the box. He starts crying. I take a look and it's ruined. "Bob" was covered in all of it, appearing he had been eating the cake. Half of the cake wasn't there anymore. Miles starts laughing and so did some of the other parents. My blood is boiling and i grab Bob and throw it in the trash, Then i grabbed Miles. We have a terrible argument, calls me an AH for what i did to Bob, that I've ruined it, how are we supposed to keep the "magic" with our kids if i wasn't supposed to touch Bob. Edit: Hi everyone, so the response has been really overwhelming. I'm sorry if it took me some time to answer i was kinda avoiding the post, since i was conflicted by the possible outcome. I'm going through all your comments, so i can answer some of your questions. I'd also explain things you all have doubts in common. 1.-Andy's dad is from Canada, he visit's Andy every spring, summer and on Christmas break. This year he stayed for his job, so he isn't an absent parent. 2.-After Andy's bd i told Miles to get out of the house, and so he did, he spent Christmas with my in laws. I stayed with the kids, and all of them slept in Andy's room. My kids didn't want to leave his brother alone. The next morning we opened the gifts and i made sure that Andy could feel special after what happened on his bd, so i wrote a note from "Bob". Saying that he is sorry if scared him and his siblings, he didn't do his job correctly so now he would be flying to the NP with Santa. And when he asked if Santa still remembered the kid of Xmas, he did. Santa was really happy to see him. 3.-My kids and i, are ok, we are sleeping at my parent's house. And we would celebrate NYE here too. 4.-Yes, Claire was usign the onesie while she was sleeping. My husband took the idea out of Tik Tok. And no, Andy, did nothing to even be "attacked" by Bob.

NTA But Jesus there's something wrong with your husband. He wanted Andy to do something wrong so he could punish him (things like destroying their clothes is not a prank it's a punishment). Your husband is hazing your children.

So I am 22F. I don’t have much knowledge about finances and stuff as I still live at home as I’m at university. I do however pay my parents about £300 a month rent, I pay my own phone plan, buy material stuff I want or need, pay out for other services like for music or whatever and try to put as much as I can in savings whilst still keeping enough in my main account for day to day purchases. Currently, I am saving up for driving lessons and hope that if I pass decently, I can use some of my savings towards getting a car. I’m in my final year of uni so I’ll be done and able to work full time when all this happens. I also decided to get a credit card so I can learn how to manage credit wisely and build some up. My credit score is good for someone of my age and circumstance but obviously it’s nothing great in comparison for other stuff. I should point out that at most I only plan on using this card with a total adding up to £100. Ive stuck to that so far and only actually used it twice with these purchases only adding up to £80 and I paid it off quickly. I do not plan on exceeding my limit any time soon as I’ve heard far too many horror stories of people just using their credit card too much cos it was handy and getting into debt. The only people I disclosed this to was my dad as my mum has the tendency to blab to my brother and SIL (both 28.) She happened to overhear us talking one day and before I knew it, my brother and SIL got wind and asked me if they could use it. They both admitted they had debt spurned on by excessive credit card use and thought that since I basically had nothing owed on mine, it was “free money.” I told them quite politely that I was really uncomfortable with that idea and that I would owe the money and I can’t Magic up that kind of money. Things went quiet until a few days later they both turned up at the house. They were nice to start with but basically started demanding I let them use the card and they tried to manipulate by mother into guilting me into doing it. I got really angry and when my brother said I owe it to them because they used to babysit me up until a couple of years ago, I laughed in their faces and walked out. When I came home, I learnt they tried to manipulate my dad and he kicked them both out. My mother then tried and he told her to go too and she is currently staying with my brother and SIL. The only person on my side is my dad who tells me they’re all trying to take me for a ride and they’re trying to manipulate me cos I’m young and they think I’m vulnerable. My brother, SIL and mum on the other hand think it isn’t a big deal letting someone else use my card. It’s really messing with my head and I just want everyone to stop being in an argument. AITA?

NTA. DO NOT LET THEM BULLY YOU INTO COMMITTING FRAUD. The only people to blame for their debts are themselves and if you let them use your card, they’ll rack up further debt. They won’t be liable as it’ll be under your name they’ve stacked up the costs so you’ll be the one out of pocket and that’ll damage your credit score even further. I think having a set limit is really mature and the smart thing to do. Do not give in for the love of god just because you’re young and don’t know much about credit and finance. Your dad is right. They’re trying to take advantage of you. Edit: I don’t know why people are giving this comment so many awards as it’s literally common sense but thanks anyway I guess Edit 2: past 30 awards? Jesus Christ

Link to original [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ljaump/aita_for_not_attending_my_friends_wedding_on_the/) Hello Reddit, I want to start off by saying thank you to everyone who replied, I was not expecting my post to get this level of attention. I have read all of your comments, and thank you once again. I am in tears and became an emotional mess after reading your thoughtful responses, thank you for the love and support. I have always felt as some sort of emotional burden to my friends, so thank you for your encouraging messages and telling me to keep my head up high. Even though we are all strangers on the internet, it sort of felt like I had gained new family. My heart goes out to the people who have messaged me privately of their experiences with losing their loved ones to drunk driving as well. Please know, I have felt your pain, you are not alone in this and I wish you all the love in this world. Now for the update, I did what some of you suggested and called my other friends to let them know what Amy had asked of me. They were quite livid and angry for me as they had no idea what Amy was planning for the wedding, we arranged a zoom call with her the next day to discuss why is she being so insensitive to me. Well, the call was quite the battle. It started off calm, then Amy just blew up. You guys were right when you said that Amy was jealous of the attention that I had received during the time of my family’s death anniversary, her wedding was a way to shift the attention towards her. She tried to explain to us by having the wedding on that day, it will turn a negative situation into a positive one. When she realized she wasn’t convincing enough, it felt as though a mask had fallen from her face and she started yelling and insulting me. She said that she is tired of having to play the supportive friend role and that it’s been 7 years, I should just get over it by now or go join my family in the ground. My friends lost their anger and called her every name in the book. I am honestly just shocked and disappointed at the person who used to be my friend. It breaks my heart knowing I lost another person in my life, but I guess you guys are right in the sense that she never really was a friend. I now look back at our friendship and realized it was often one sided on my part. I wish it didn’t take me so long to realize it. No one in our friend group of 6 people are going to her wedding now. We have decided to go no contact with Amy and block her on all social media. My friends have offered to go visit my family’s graves together with me, I accepted and we are now planning to also make a scrapbook with my family's pictures. For once I am actually looking forward to this day, and will start to plan more eventful activities like this. Thank you once again to everyone for helping me through this. And please remember, do not drink and drive, I am begging you, please don't. Please drink responsibly and drive safely everyone. Edit: I was once again not expecting this amount of attention. I am in literal tears, thank you everyone for your kind words and sympathy. I appreciate your love and support. I don't think I deserve the awards you all have given me, thank you kind strangers. Some are asking about Amy's fiancé and his thoughts, we haven't heard anything as we still haven't even met him. We tried several times to meet him last year, but something always came up. I guess we'll never know his true feelings. Edit: I am so sorry for not being able to reply to everyone, thank you for your kind words and support

Imagine being jealous of the 'attention' one gets for *losing their entire family*. My gosh.

I moved from Georgia to the Pacific Northwest last year for a dream job after I graduated college. It was a little bit of a culture shock, because I went from being one of many black people around at any given time to often being the only non-white person in a room, let alone black person. There hasn't been a lot of overt racism, but there's been a lot of strange borderline situations that are amusing and race-related but not necessarily racist. For example, every white woman I meet mentions Beyonce to me within the first five minutes. When I was sitting for my driver's license photo the woman taking my picture opened with, 'So... Beyonce.' So the problem in the post title is that I am the only black woman at my office, and I am constantly, constantly being called the wrong name at work, and I'm coming up on my one-year anniversary. My name is Tina, short for Christina. Pronounced just like it looks, very easy name. For some reason, a handful of people at work call me Tiana, Tiara, or Tia, I think assuming that my name has to be more 'black sounding' than it is. I am most often called Tiana, especially by one of the guys on our development team and by the 'big boss' for another team, which I think then confuses their team members back into calling me the wrong name again. The other thing is that apparently another black woman (elderly, not in the same position I'm in) used to work there and I get called her name (Mary) sometimes too. Sometimes people will look at my name plate and ask me, "How do you pronounce that?" It's Tina! I have tried politely correcting this and I correct it immediately every time. From polite, "Just for the record, my name is Tina!" to lighthearted, "Tina, like Tina Belcher!" In e-mails from me that say Tina in a million places, including my e-mail address, I still get, "Thanks Tiana!" Sooo... I'm considering doing the Twitter approach, where I just respond to coworkers who call me the wrong name with the wrong name. Like: Chuck: Thanks, Tiana Tina: No problem, Chad! Jessica: Hi Tiara! Tina: Good morning, Jennifer! Would I be the asshole if I did this? I know it's passive aggressive, but every form of polite correction hasn't worked, and I feel really disrespected by this, so I may as well have some fun with it. EDIT: I am pretty overwhelmed by the responses so I just want to add a couple of things: A lot of people have suggested that I gently and firmly remind people of my name. That's what I've been doing, and was my first line of defense! A lot of people have suggested I go to HR. This is the kind of nebulous thing HR doesn't really help with, and it isn't as serious as it could be. A lot of people who identify themselves as white have informed me that this isn't race-related. It is. I have been black for 25 years, and I have a lot of firsthand experience with racism, and I can identify it in my own life. It isn't overt racism, like a slur or an assault, but it is still race-related. I feel like a few people are ALMOST getting it. A lot of people are referencing that Key and Peele sketch with the substitute teacher, which is literally a joke about how white people do this to black people, turned on its head! And finally, a few people have asked why I don't use Tina Turner as an example, since she's also a black Tina. First, I thought young-ish white people would be more familiar with Tina Belcher, but I used 'Tina Turner' as an example for our Dean and he then 'affectionately' nicknamed me Tina Turner, which took deprogramming from his EA to get over. EDIT #2: No, I don't have a southern accent. I'm from Atlanta, and black people from Atlanta don't really have an indecipherable country twang. Plus, my 'working in an office' voice is pretty practiced/neutral. More to the point, no accent makes the name 'Tina' sound like 'Tiana' or "Tiara" No, the people I work with aren't just 'idiots.' As annoying as this is, they are not stupid people. No, I can't wear a 'Hi, my name is' sticker or a nametag. We have a business professional dress code! Yes, I correct them every time. No, it's not because I'm not 'memorable' or a bad employee! Responding to this post saying, 'Okay Shaniqua' or some other racist caricature of a name truly misses the point, as this is already what my coworkers are doing ('Tiana' being the 'Shaniqua' in this instance). Several people have alarmingly said, 'Okay, Trayvon' and invoking the name of a dead black child at the idea of me calling a white guy 'Chad' is VERY WEIRD!

NTA, I’d go for Becky and Todd.

I'll preface this by saying that my husband (33) has a friend "Carl" (33) who he considers to be one of his closest friends. My husband sometimes calls Carl his "nicotine" because of how much he misses him and wants to spend time with him, they do everything together, they're even co workers working the same job. Unfortunately, Carlos's wife passed away from cancer 3 months ago which caused him to distance himself. My husband felt devastated for him, he recently started spending more time with him and brought him meals and new clothes. We planned a 3 day vacation to another state. I made a hotel reservation for 2. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had invited Carl to come with us, this made me upset because it spolied the entire vacation (not trying to be dramatic) I only found out when he went to pick him up. I sucked it up after my husband explained that Carl is a recent widower who's been wallowing in grief for so long and needed this vacation. The problem is money is tight and since Carl hasn't worked eversince his wife passed he couldn't pay for his own room and we didn't have a budget for it. My husband said we should just share one room and I again sucked it since he said we'd be out all day on the beach anyway. First night, I was in bed when my husband and Carl got back, I got woken up by my husband telling me to get out of bed and sleep on thd mattress he put for me on the floor and he and Carl would take the bed. I asked if he was serious and he asked what else is he supposed to do, he said Carl was a guest we can't let him sleep on the floor and at the same time I can't share a bed with Carl while he (my husband) sleep on the floor. I told him I didn't sign up for this but he told me to suck it and tried to pull "Carl is a widower" card. I told Carl to get out then got up and got dressed to go home. My husband started yelling me calling me irrational but I wasn't having it. I left the hotel and traveled back home. Carl didn't say anything when he saw me leave except that I was making this non-issue an issue. They got back and my husband refused to even talk about but still said I ruined this for Carl and us and acted abhorrently and disgustingly. I admit Carl is struggling and I mightve ruined this for him but I didn't even know he was coming.

NTA Uh.. no shade here. I think your husband might be into men, specifically Carl. I’m not going to throw my wife to the curb for a friend. Compassion and empathy are one thing but this is just plain insanity. Might want to get some therapy or have some hard convos.

Heyo, I'm a schizophrenic. Started when I was 22, and will last till I die. I'm active in schizophrenic communities, go to groups, the works but I am fairly private about it to most people to include friends. It's fairly common for people to think I'm eccentric (comes with the turf) due to some of my habits. Those habits include not going to parties or other places with lots of people, suddenly deciding not to do something (I have to be protective not to do or go to certain things if I think a delusion might be coming on), saying the occasional odd quip, normal schizophrenic stuff. Some friends thought it would be funny to make it seem like I might be going crazy as a group. They would individually wear something silly like a wizard hat or dinosaur costume (TRex blow up costume) to a group event or say something totally out of the ordinary and pretend like it was normal (Police like to track people like you, covid is just a way to microchip you, etc). These are very real scary thoughts to me. I would ask members of the group if they had heard concerns about these conspiracies or weird garb from the other members, but they all acted like they had hung out with that particular member that day and I hadn't been involved. I was really, really scared that this could have been a massive delusion morphing into a full psychosis so I preemptively checked myself into a hospital to stop myself from potentially hurting myself or diving further into the rabbit hole(common in schizophrenic community). I was so scared my medications stopped working. No one heard from me for a few days while I was in the hospital, and when I checked out I confided in one of them about what had happened. I got a really long apology explaining what had happened and I blew up at them. I have ignored attempts from the others trying to apologize and have no desire to talk with them again. AITA for not previously stating that I am schizophrenic? Edit- People have been asking saying to post the length of the prank. Around 3 weeks. Edit 2- Thank you for the awards and stuff, but I really want to highlight some of the messages I have gotten. I'm at around 150 messages and counting and am trying to respond to the ones where I can hopefully offer insight. Resources that I find helpful- r/schizophrenia For groups just google schizophrenia support groups in my area, something will pop up and when you actually get there someone will have a further list. You get what you put into groups. You don't have to talk your first couple of times. But no one will look at you with the batshit look if you say "Reality check- is there a bird in the room or something in that regard". That did happen once and the audible sigh of relief from 8 other people and the laughter that followed was hysterical. Medication helps so much. It's the difference between being able to go for a walk with my dog and staying in bed all day. But it takes time. So many people have asked what drug and dosage a loved on should go on. I cannot answer that. There are so many drugs out there and different dosages. I can tell you that you (probably) will not have a noticable difference in behavior in two weeks after trying a medication. You start small, and work your way up to a therapeutic effect (when it actually helps). It might take some time to actually get to feeling human again. Not every medication is meant for every person, but don't give up!

NTA - Even if you didn't disclose your medical history, they knew enough that saying those things would fuck with you. If a "prank" doesn't leave both parties laughing, it isn't a prank, it's bullying. Edit: Thank you for all the awards :)

I (35M) am a single father of 3 boys (10M, 7M and 3M). Their mother died last year due to ovarian cancer. It has been a rough year to say the least. My sister got divorced 6 months ago and temporarily moved in with me and the boys. She has a son, my nephew (9M) who stays with us most of the time. My nephew and my 10yro are not the best of friends, but so far they got along fine apart from some teasing from both sides. A few weeks ago my 10yro started telling me that his cousin was bullying him and being mean to him. He called him names, pushed him around, took his video games etc. I talked to my sister many times and told her to talk to her son, we talked to the boys together and things settled down. Yesterday was my 3yro's birthday, so my whole family was here and my late wife's family as well. It was extremely emotional for everyone, because it was the first birthday since my wife's been gone. The boys (10yro and 9yro) started fighting again and I asked them both to calm down and behave. My son started crying and told me his cousin teased him about him not having a mom. I choked up and asked my nephew if that was true, and he said yes, but that he's sorry. I figured I'd have a proper talk with him and my sister after the party, so I just told him what he said was really awful and he cannot say it again. I comforted my son and we went back to the party. Before we cut the cake, my sister came yelling at me, saying I had no bussineaa disciplining her child. I told her to drop it and we'll talk later, instead she said "besides, he's right, kids need a mom". I had tears in my eyes by that time and she just said "see, it's even turning you into a pu**y". My in-laws were crying, I was tearing up, the kids were upset, just awful. I told her to stop it and just leave me and the kids and the family to cut the cake and we will talk in the evening. She said "listen we both lost our spouses, but at least I'm still a normal person". She stormed off. After the party I told her she has 2 days to pack her shit and leave. She is begging me not to throw her out, because she and her kid will be homeless. Aita for throwing her out? UPDATE: my mom agreed to take my sister in temporarily, and my nephew is still going to his dad's because now his dad is saying that there's no way he's letting my sister ruin their kid. I want to thank you all for your kind words and all the love and support. Also, to everyone who also shared about losing a loved one, I am so so sorry for your loss. My nephew is supposed to leave tomorrow morning, my mom is picking my sister up right around that time, and my inlaws are bringing my boys back in the evening. We'll have a little post-birhday thing for my little one when they come, just me, the boys and my inlaws. Just some ice cream (he said he prefers it over cake) and a few cartoons. One day at a time.

NTA. Your wife died! That’s significantly different from being divorced. Good job protecting your children from her poisonous attitude. And crying due to grief is hardly being a p$ssy so good on you for showing your boys that.

I have a big family that’s incredibly close. We have big family dinners every few months where we all meet at my great grand fathers estate and eat together. Typically how this works is that the women go cook for the time they’re there and the men don’t. Which I am fully aware it’s sexist as hell. That being said I am one of the youngest people in family and my protests mean literally nothing. Some of those women choose not to cook, however this is usually met with a level of ostracizing. The women who don’t cook are lives and long term girlfriends. So they kinda already have a good family relationship doctored in. When I have seen new partners not cook, it’s gone bad. Like completely ostracized, not speaking, cattiness, rudeness etc. This dinner will be in two weeks and my girlfriend was asked if she would attend. Initially she said yes, which is great. I want for her to meet everyone and for everyone to get used to her being around, but when I explained to her the tradition she was understandably bothered. I told her that I understood where she was coming from, however it was best for everyone if she just played along. I told her this isn’t a permanent thing and that I am only asking her to do this so that she can avoid bad treatment from the rest of the family. This is her first impression and I don’t think it’s best if we cause waves. She told me that it’s unacceptable and that if she has to do that she will not be going. I’ve tried to find a compromise with her on this but she won’t budge and she’s pissed at me. She told me that if I think it’s acceptable to make her do this I’m just as bad as everyone else, while my point is that she needs to make a good first impression. AITA?

YTA "Why won't my gf abandon her sense of self-respect so that she can establish herself as a subservient woman-tool so that my sexist family won't mentally and verbally abuse her?! She just doesn't get it!!"

My daughter (14yo) posted a picture of a family get together on social media. A boy from school recognized her aunt from an adult film and messaged my daughter about it. I believe he sent a video to her as well. Before this, she had no idea her aunt was in the industry. It appears that boy spread this around the school and my daughter is being teased for it. I notified the school and they are looking into it and will plan to educate the students about sexism online. ​ My husband and I are respectful and non-judgmental of my SIL’s profession and have tried to teach these values to our children. My daughter is understandably upset and I feel for her, but she is directing all her anger and blame towards her aunt. She unfriended my SIL from social media and removed all traces of her from her profiles. She refuses to join us for weekly dinners at my SIL house and when they come over, she ignores them and just sits in her room playing minecraft. I tried talking to her about tolerance, shame, and sexism, but it she is dismissive of all of it. ​ My SIL is hurt from all of this. Not only did she have her privacy invaded, but she lost a good relationship with her niece. Last weekend, I went upstairs to my daughters room to try and talk to her and get her to join us downstairs. My daughter refused and referred my SIL as “a vapid slut” and her husband “a pathetic cuck” along with other slurs I don’t want to repeat. ​ I grounded her for three months and took away her internet. My husband definitely thinks that she should be punished for using that language, but that’s too much. He also admitted he struggled accepting his sister’s career path at first. He thinks she just needs space and will come around eventually because her aunt is family. ​ EDIT: Seems like my husband is right and I went too far with the punishment. I just never imagined those hurtful words coming from her mouth. I’m going to scale it back to two or three weeks or something like that. Will decide with the husband later. We’re definitely concerned for our daughter about what’s happening at school and we’re looking into therapy. For clarification, as for my SIL’s privacy, she didn’t consent to have her real name revealed to the world or have her films and her personal information be passed around by 14yo boys.

YTA. Stop and think for a minute what sorts of disgusting things those 14 year olds are saying to your CHILD. You don’t think they’re asking if she’ll follow in her aunty’s footsteps? It’s beyond her capabilities right now to be expected to support the sex industry while she is directly being HURT by it. Do you understand? This is currently doing serious harm to your daughter and she is angry at her aunt because it’s not her aunt who has to wear these consequences, it’s your 14 year old daughter. Her aunt got to make a choice to do this work as an adult. Your daughter is a child and did not sign up for this shit she is going through. And right now, it feels as though you’re dismissing her pain and prioritising the aunt who isn’t being harmed nearly as much as your child. For god’s sake, HELP YOUR DAUGHTER right now and worry about your sermons about sex work later. Also: she doesn’t have to like sex work. She doesn’t have to support it or agree with it in any way if she doesn’t want to. She’s entitled to have her own opinion on the matter, and no doubt this experience is shaping her opinion.

My brother Tom (36m) and I (26f) have never had a really solid relationship, due to our age gap we didn't spend much time and by the time I was old enough to develop a personality he was moved out of the house. For the last two years my brother and his fiance Sarah (32f) have been planning their wedding. And it's coming up in September. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. I figured i was only asked as a courtesy since I'm her soon to be sister in law but I still took it seriously. I have been a bridesmaid for the last two years. Just a few weeks ago I managed to save up to buy the 800 dollar bridesmaid dress. Over all in the last two years between group outings to parties, dinners, lunches, clothes, etc… I spent thousands of dollars. Eventually all the girls in the wedding and I became extremely close and I started to get hyped for the wedding. Sarah recently got close with her brother's wife Becky (30f). Last week she dropped the ball on me that she no longer wants me to be a bridesmaid and she would prefer if Becky would take my place. It broke my heart a little but it's her wedding and it's not my place to tell her how to run it so I said it was fine. Yesterday I went to my brother's house to pick up the bridesmaid's dress, and was going to see if I could return it since it was within the time frame. Sarah was completely appalled and said that Becky was going to wear it since she and I are the same size. I said that would be fine, but they would have to pay me the 800 for it. Sarah said that Becky couldn't afford and I should just be nice and let her use it and said that I could keep it after the wedding. I explained that I'm not just giving away the dress, and I'm not ever going to usei after the wedding. After some bickering back and forth I just ended up taking it and leaving. My brother and Sarah tried to compromise with me, and say I could be "the assistant flower girl" and I felt offended at the offer. After I said no, they then said that Becky could give me 250 bucks for it. Again no and I returned the dress and got a full refund. I told them I understand that it's their wedding but they are being extremely disrespectful to me and I don't need to deal with it and I'm not going to the wedding. Today my coworker says she has an extra round trip plane ticket to go to Miami that she'll sell to me for half price plus I would have to pay for half the hotel and I can go hang out with her in Florida. The only downside is that I'll be in Florida for the week of my brother's wedding. So will I be the asshole if I just go party in miami instead of going to my brother's wedding?

NTA. Go to Miami. A wedding is not an event where a soon-to-be SIL and your own brother crap all over you and you smile and take it.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Still don't have kids (we want them but it still not happening). Friends and family are causing us constant stress about having a baby soon but it's obviously something we can't control. We only wished that they'd stop but to no avail. So what I did was come up with idea (stupid I know) and that is have an empty jar and call it "Pregnancy Jar". I carry it with me in my bag whenever I'm with friends and family and everytime someone asks about when my husband and I are gonna have a baby, I pull my Jar out and ask them to drop a dollar in there for asking. I'd get puzzled looks but they reach out for their pockets/wallets/purses and pull out a dollar and out it inside the jar. It actually worked because most of thrm stopped asking after 4 months. Last week we had dinner at my parents house, My brother came back from his business trip that lasted a month and while we were eating he asked when me and my husband were going to have a kid. My husband paused, I got up from the chair and made my way to where my brother was sitting with my jar in my hand and asked him to drop a dollar for the question he asked, he stared at me then laughed nervously asking if I was being serious. Everyone was looking at us. He said no, he didn't have to pay me but I told him he didn't have to ask either so here we are!. I could tell he felt embarrassed he immediately reached out to his pocket, pulled out his wallet and put a dollar in my jar. I made my way back to my seat and sat down and resumed eating like nothing happened. It got awkward afterward. Mom pulled me into the kitchen later to tell me that I embarrassed my brother infront of his wife and family and said I should quit acting childish by running around with a jar demanding others to put money in it, I told her they should quit asking then. She went on about how they're just worried for us since we are in mid 30s and don't have much time left if we want at least one healthy baby. I got upset and she started arguing. My husband and I left and we haven't seen them in days, except I got a call from my sister basically siding with mom and the others saying I'm being childish. So AITA for this? [Edit - Q&As... ] (1) this has been going on for years but in the past year it has gotten worse. (2) I already told them about how I feel regarding this question, my husband doesn't care much and says I should let it go too. (3) Yes they pay everytime because it's just a dollar, it won't make me any richer or them any poorer. (4) My husband and I spend the money on snacks to eat every night when watching tv or some toys for the dogs. One more thing... I realize that this could actually be expanded into wedding jar/Cake jar (for weight loss)/work jar/house jar/ and so no and so on. Depending on the the type of truggle because these are the things we struggle and get frustrated with often but.. with the fact that people will just keep asking then we might become millionaires one day. Lol. Also, someone suggested I up the price to 5$. It will mostly depend on the prices of gas, lol, so we'll see.

NTA. How creative! “I don’t have to pay you.” “Yeah well you didn’t have to ask something that’s none of your business but here we are” Love it.

Here’s original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ob0wdk/aita_for_not_letting_my_best_friend_have_her/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Some stuff has happened recently and many of you have wanted an update on this. Appreciate the reassurance and understanding my decision when seems that many in this situation didn’t. I remained firm in my decision about not letting them use my property for their wedding. Even if they changed their mind about inviting us which honestly I don’t care about anymore. Rick’s family (thanks to him) got a hold of my cell so that was more people I had to deal with. I put my foot down with Rick a few days ago and told him directly that I will go to the police and press charges for harassment (I have all the texts and calls documented). Also had a very long talk with Carla about everything going on. She apologized for it all. And she knows it’s her own fault. Well she decided to be the one to call things off in the end. Some of my friends still seem to think it’s my fault and I’m taking some distance from them for a while. And also from Carla after getting some confirmation on a few things that I needed to know. Whole thing is a mess. I’m only glad in the end that I didn’t give in to their demands and the constant bugging has stopped.. It still was a huge headache over the last few days and not the kind of drama I want back in my life. Thank you to everyone who made me feel supported in this. It helped a lot not feeling like the only other person (aside from my wife), who thought their demand was insane and inappropriate.

Wow… they ended up calling of their whole wedding??? Guess they both dodger a bullet just because you refused to be used. Good for you.

I have a younger sister who looks exactly like me. I am 19 and she is 16, but people have been mistakening us as twins for some time because of how close we resemble each other. We have same height, same skin tone, similar voice even. She also has a habit of being a copycat, from way of dressing to hobbies, even piercings. I know, its cute if you look it from the outside, sisters dressing and looking so alike that they are spitting images of each other. Honestly though, it's annoying and creeps me out sometimes, like yeah, we are quite close too but why does she always happen to pick up everything I pick up?? I have been asking her to stop that, but she always insist that she really just finds it suiting her liking that she just had to try it herself by getting similar, if not identical things that I have. One afternoon I was tidying up some costumes in my college showroom and found a rather cute brown and pink wig, looks like mushroom. I put it on, think it looks rather funny so I snapped a picture of it and posted in my Instagram. I received a text from my sister asking if I really cut my hair(I did not mention it was a wig). The AH part is - while I somewhat have a feeling that she MIGHT copy that too, I lied and replied yes, I want a change of style. I went home when weekends came and lo and behold - my sister emerged with the same silly brown and pink bob cut, except this one is her permanent hair. She was very surprised that I arrived with my hair still long, then realized that I lied to her. She was furious that she had to cut that silly hairstyle because she thought I had it, but truth be told, I never asked her to. She should have seen it in my picture that that hairstyle look super silly and yet she still tried to cut her hair that way. Our parents think that it was a really bad joke and wanted me to cut my hair too to make it up to her(I wonder why did they not stop her in the first place). While I feel sorry for her, I am somewhat glad that at least she won't be able to copy my hairstyle now with her hair so short so I am keeping my hair long.

NTA. Not your fault if she did it, especially if she claims she isn't copying you and it is just "coincidence". Your parents should know better than to say you should cut your hair.