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derek-thomas

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dataset-creator-reddit-amitheasshole

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my boyfriend and I live with my parents. I pay them rent and pay for the wifi. I also am buying (with my boyfriend) our own food so my parents don’t have the burden of feeding us. The other day my parents got upset with me for cooking my own food saying I should cook for everyone in the house and when my boyfriend and I go out to eat, should buy everyone else food too (the other people in the house are my parents and my little sister). Keep in mind, I make sure not to cook when they are so I’m not in their space. I also make sure to clean up all the dishes I use and the kitchen when I am finished cooking. Another thing to note is that we used to not buy our own food, but my mother (whom I love to death but has zero cooking skills) and her cooking just didn’t give us enough calories or nutrition for our diets and lifestyle, so we started buying our own food. My boyfriend and I’s diet is high protein and my parents have said that they don’t like that type of food or meals.I don’t have the budget to a) buy more food to serve three more people and b) buy different food that fits there taste. Don’t get me wrong, I try to help my parents out where I can but I feel like their anger was uncalled for. Is this not the right stance? Should I be making two different meals every night for my family?

Adventurous_Cat2691

AITA For buying and making my own food when I live with my parents?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h8qys/aita_for_buying_and_making_my_own_food_when_i/

17h8qys

Hey Reddit! My original post got taken down for being too long so I am going to make this one shorter but still relatively detailed. For the record this is American football. Not a full field. Around 5 players for each team. Highschool football in gym so not extremely competitive. Two hand touch. My team was pretty good. We had 5 players (today 4) and we were a mix of freshmen, a junior, and a senior (me). Our record was 4-0 and we were going up against the last of 6 teams today. That team was supposedly the best. They had 5 people today. In my original post I described all the little things the QB of their team kept doing, but that was too long so if you really care you can ask in the comments, but it was just a lot of random rules that he decided to break that werent a big deal. We score 2 times during the game. Now heres the conflict. The QB decided to run with the ball right after the play starts. The rule was if your team had 3 or less players, QB can run after 7 seconds. I am not sure if this is a real rule in football, but this was the rule in our gym. I let him know that his play was against the rules and that he can just redo it. He decided to not redo it and continue playing like nothing happened. He does the same play again and I remind him. He decides to bench 2 of his players so he would have 3. This is also not allowed. I decided to ask the teacher nearby if I was correct about the rules. I was right and my teacher decided to tell his team would be supervised constantly after today. While walking back I see him run directly into one of my teammates and knocked him to the ground. His leg was hurt but not badly. I wasnt trying to be a stickler about it but this was a gamechanging rule they were breaking over and over. Obviously the conflicts should be settled by now, but the kid calls me the f slur (I am not gay, but an ally). He yells from across the field and says that he is/was on JV (jr varsity) football. I say "JV at the middle school?" He calls me an asshole which got me wondering about it. After we continue the game, he keeps cheating. His two teammates he sat out didn't rejoin the game. Clearly this kid did not understand anything my teacher had to say. They do score 3 times all with plays that were involving the QB running. He continues to call me the slur and soon started calling me a Karen. Another teammate of his asks me why I had to be such a Karen and that its just gym football. I tell her that she is right, its just gym football. Its not that hard to follow rules. This makes her and QB pissed off even more. At the end of the game, the teacher asked us who won. I said "My team won if you don't count their cheating. The QB then called me an asshole again. So Reddit, AITA? I don't think I am but I wanna make sure. If you have anymore questions I can answer them in the replies.

EdgucatedCheerful

AITA for following the rules in highschool gym football?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h8ui0/aita_for_following_the_rules_in_highschool_gym/

17h8ui0

To provide context, our daughter is 19 months now and we went on vacation 3 months ago with wife’s sister, husband and two boys age 10,11. One of them kept saying bulsh*t around her I didn’t like it around her but found it funny when he would say it. They are from Europe and English isn’t their first language. We live in Canada. The bullsh*t boy is 10 and he constantly says it to a point his dad said he’s taking 10 bucks from him every time. I think he was at 100 bucks after 30 min… Anyways fast forward to the last month. When our daughter sees mom first thing she started saying bullshi I tell her we don’t say that word and not to say it. My wife used to laugh when she said it but I told her not to give it attention. My wife FaceTimes her family often and when daughter sees them she will say the word they will laugh and I’ll tell my wife again not to give it attention. Today she was factimeing her mom dad and sister. I was in the room and she was constantly saying it and everyone is laughing but me. I said to daughter to stop and told my wife they need to stop laughing or she won’t stop. To which she replied some of them haven’t heard her say it yet so chill out. This is all on speaker phone so I said okay let’s teach her some of the swear words from their language and started saying some which are worse and in line with the F word equivalent. They did not take it kindly and her dad walked away from the phone. When the call was done she said I was out of line for that and shouldn’t have over reacted like that. I said I’ve said it multiple times not to encourage it and it will only lead to her saying this word constantly and in public. Given her first language is going to be English why not let her swear in your first language and see how you like it. She got heated and said it’s not a big deal I’m TA. So Reddit AITA for saying what I said while she was on speaker phone with her family around me and making them feel uncomfortable? I’m in no way trying to be controlling but it’s funny when another kid swears and yes I’m a hypocrite because this is my daughter who else is suppose to teach her right from wrong.

Character-Bus8261

AITA- telling daughter to swear in wife’s language in-front of her family instead of English swear words for comparison

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h8y9x/aita_telling_daughter_to_swear_in_wifes_language/

17h8y9x

My husband sprung a very sudden trip on us to visit his family in his native country. He moved to USA two years ago so we could marry and start our lives together. Now I didn't feel this trip was a good idea because we have been trying to move out of my family home, and things have been tough. He was very upset when I was hesitant and I could see this was very important to him and we started to look at plane tickets and making arrangements for time off. Here is the problem I bring you today. He doesn't want his family to know anything about us coming. He wants to surprise them so bad and I am mortified at the idea of flying over for two weeks across the ocean and not tell our hosts that we are coming! Our flight is tomorrow and I really want to tell his family but im so scared of him being angry with me and holding it against me in the future. His own mom has asked him if he is coming to please tell her and he straight lied to her. He even shouted at his sister when she started to grow suspicious because we have been asking about gifts for them. He yelled at her to make sure she wouldn't think we are coming. I know he would be mad at me. On the other hand I think it will be so rude and inconsiderate of us to go without giving his family a heads up. Would I be the A wife if I tell them?

MemoryOk8893

WIBTA if I ruined the surprise?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h8yhi/wibta_if_i_ruined_the_surprise/

17h8yhi

I'm a little on the fence about this although I do think I'm ultimately justified in my decision. I (18f) recently picked up a seasonal side job at a haunted house. I had worked at haunts as a teenager and figured it was a great way to make some extra money. However one thing that was fishy off that bat with this haunted house is that they don't use time cards. The one I worked at when I was a teen used timecards to keep track of employee hours. I was told our first paycheck would be October 8th, I figured no biggie, weird we wouldn't get paid for our first 2 weeks in September but I chalked it up to needing time to put in the pay information. However once the 8th rolled around I checked my bank account and the direct deposit hadn't come through. I was confused and emailed my manager and was told there was a paper check for me. I got handed a check with the wrong last name. We noticed quickly and she went digging for more checks and could not find mine. She proceeded to tell me that if some other guy didn't have it then it would have to be rolled onto my next paycheck, October 23rd. I was so upset that night I actually broke down in the parking lot. I lost my job in September and had now gone officially weeks without receiving a paycheck at all. I emailed my boss letting him know the severity of my situation and that I needed a check cut. I did not receive a response. I figured there was nothing I could do and decided to wait until the 23rd. The 23rd rolls around and I'm awaiting the multiple weeks worth of pay. An hourly amount of which I am not certain because I was told I would be told but then told I needed to ask but truthfully I will admit I failed to ask what the hourly was because online it said up to 18 and hour, and they said the pay was based on your availability. I put my availability for the whole season so I figured my hourly would at the very least be maybe 14 and hour. I checked my direct deposit and saw that nothing had come through, I was pissed off but worked the next day and texted my boss about it. At the end of my shift that night he told me he had a check for me. I got the check and saw I had made a measly $160. I was also confused as the year to date said something around 250 so I was wondering where the first check had gone. I found out it had bounced apparently and I finally got it, but what I had discovered after almost 2 months of work is that I was getting paid an estimated amount of 12 dollars an hour, plus I was only getting paid for the haunted house's hours, not the amount of time I had to be there which was 2 hours before opening and sometimes up to an hour after close. It feels entirely unworth it for me to wait around not getting paid while getting my makeup done and getting into costume. Now here's where I might be the asshole. I really do enjoy the work I do here, we have a tight knit cast of all loveable friendly people.I have always had a strong stance on giving jobs notices because I understand what it's like having to cover for people who don't communicate. I don't want the house to lack the cast it might need to so the show, I failed to mention halfway through the season my mom started working there aswell, If I quit she wants to quit aswell. She is an uber driver in her free time so time is money. I'm taking away 2 cast members because I'm not happy with the pay I never bothered to ask about. AITA?

PercentageWide6608

AITA for quitting my job without notice?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h93q8/aita_for_quitting_my_job_without_notice/

17h93q8

So, last night, I went out with my coworkers, and my boyfriend tagged along. We kicked things off at a brewery and later headed to a pool hall before dinner. At the pool hall, my boyfriend was already a couple of drinks in and started chatting with my coworkers about music. When one of them mentioned she liked EDM, he started teasing her about her taste in music, which forced her to defend her preferences. He thinks that he has the best music taste and everything else is terrible, pretty much. ​ Later at dinner, he had a few more drinks and got into a conversation with a different coworker, whose boyfriend is in a local band, about music. He pretty much interrogated her about her music preferences, and then asked her if she even liked her boyfriend's band. I thought that was rude. I wouldn't talk to his coworkers this way.The whole situation left me feeling super embarrassed. ​ This morning, I decided to talk to him about it. I told him that his behavior had made me uncomfortable and that it was visibly affecting my coworkers. He didn't take it well and just shut down.I tried to let it go, but he spent the next 6 hours not saying a word to me. Eventually, I couldn't take the silence anymore, so I asked him if he was feeling uncomfortable, mad, hungover, or just tired because he'd been so quiet ever since I brought up the issue. He responded by saying that I'd hurt his feelings. I told him that he embarassed me, and he said that he didn't care if my coworkers thought that he was being too much and that I hurt his feelings, then told him that sometimes we might hurt each other's feelings, and then he ended the conversation by saying, "You wonder why I won't propose to you." 🫠 ​ Now we're back to not talking, and I'm left wondering if I'm the asshole. \*EDIT: Formatting Update: I hear everyone. Doing some re-evaluating.

Particular-Bug2400

AITA for being embarrassed by my boyfriends strong opinons on music?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h98s2/aita_for_being_embarrassed_by_my_boyfriends/

17h98s2

Okay, I'd like to start off with giving some context. I'm autistic, Personally I struggle to deeply connect with things that aren't my special interest. I'll be shortening special interest to SP for efficiency sake. Right, so. My mother often tells me she wishes i'd talk to her more, but often gets mad at me for talking to her about my SP? She specifically says she wants to have meaningful convos. To me, that means it'd have to be my SP. I have made it very clear I struggle to connect with other topics deeply. However, she says I drive her "insane" with coming to tell her random fun facts or show her photos/videos, which she asked me to do btw. She asked if I could talk to her about my hobbies more. Most of my hobbies are to do with animals, or I fit animals in somehow, to make it more interesting for me. She however, gets mad at me for this. I'd like to add that I have tried to have deep convos about other topics, but she says I don't look engaged enough, or that I look mad? I'm not sure how to please her. Its not like i ONLY talk about my SP. I ask her about her day too, her interests etc. But she says its not good enough, at one point she said she needed to take me back to my psychiatrist to "fix me"? I don't know what to even think of that? Well, AITA? If i am, then i'm not sure what else I can really do. edit; i think it would be good to note i am a minor (under 18). (more specifically 14.)

Murruyu

AITA for talking about my special interests when my mother asks me to talk to her?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h99ii/aita_for_talking_about_my_special_interests_when/

17h99ii

Me (21 F) was struggling with finding a place to live since I had just gotten out of a abussive relationship and currently living with a “friend” that all he wanted was sex and I never gave that to him so he ended up kicking me out, and another “friend” told me it was okay if I moved in with her (21 F) and her boyfriend (20 M) at her in laws. Her in laws were super nice to me and her. They never asked us to pay for bills or groceries nor anything. Once in a while I would buy groceries for all of us in the house. And once a week would buy snacks or drinks for us. My friend and her boyfriend would keep almost everything in their room and only gave me partial of the stuff. Every time I asked to be taken somewhere I would give gas money. At the time I would say to my self I’m living under her in laws I have to help them out. 2 months I stared talking to a guy and I asked if they wanted to travel they wouldn’t have to pay for anything. I paid the gas my soon to be partner payed the air b&b and expenses made during the vacation. When we got back home she asked to borrow $300 to make their car payment and she would pay back. And we lent it to her. She also had a small bakery business and she would ask me to buy her ingredients (this was during valentines and Mother’s Day) From her business I never saw a $1 back. I would say her business is her responsibility not mine. Time passes and she wanted me out the house cause I liked to party and do my stuff and she said that I was disrespecting the house. I personally asked the owners of the house if it was disturbing or they didn’t like it and they told me “no we were young once and we loved to party just like you do” timed passed and she completely stop talking to me. Stole like $30 and took everything out the room and even the inflatable bed she allowed me to use. There was days I would help her dad detailing cars for no charge. She would use the stuff I would buy for the bathroom, my hair mask etc I moved out like 4-5 months ago So WIBTA if I ask for my money back that she said she would pay back?

Moon-light_02

WIBTA if I ask my ex roommate for my money back

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9dbm/wibta_if_i_ask_my_ex_roommate_for_my_money_back/

17h9dbm

The scene unfolded at our usual Starbucks, where my husband and I often sip coffee while working. On this particular day, our hunger struck just shy of lunchtime. We had plans to dine elsewhere, so he casually remarked, **"**Is it worth shelling out for that minuscule sandwich, knowing we're about to have a proper lunch soon? How about sharing?" To which I readily agreed. However, things took an unexpected turn when I observed his order: a croissant and an egg sandwich. I remained silent, thinking to myself, "Guess we're not sharing after all." He proceeded to enjoy his croissant, and as I was engrossed in my phone, I witnessed him take a bite of the egg sandwich. I couldn't help but express my astonishment, "Why are you eating my sandwich?" He calmly replied, "I thought we were sharing?" Amid my attempts to clarify that he had already consumed a croissant, and the sandwich was unequivocally mine (to me), he argued that our sharing agreement only pertained to the sandwich because he would have ordered two (one for each of us). So, the question lingers... Am I truly the asshole here?

Comfortable_Job6715

AITA - He ate my egg sandwich

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9gxc/aita_he_ate_my_egg_sandwich/

17h9gxc

UPDATE He came home around 3am. We spoke this morning. I did not yell or anything like that. I jokingly prodded at him. I said hey next time just let me know so I don't wonder if you're dead or something. I'm not sure if he 100% understands why it wasn't great for me but we shall see. I'm also going to spend more time thinking about if this is the right relationship for me given that this isn't the first time I've felt like i didnt matter (and that also probably played a role in why I felt upset yesterday). Thanks for everyone who weighed in. It also helps to be able to vent and get other perspectives when you're not sure if you're really justified in how you're feeling! -- Original post: For context, we are on a trip. My partner is representing their company at an event. The event was a few days long and today is the last day. I've mainly just kept myself busy during the day and we would reconnect at night/in the morning. Well today my partner says that oh its the last day. They'll probably network a bit after but it shouldn't be that late. Fast forward to the afternoon. My partner says they're "going drinking with the boys". I was out exploring so I didn't think too much of it. I came home and had a meeting around 10pm (business with someone in a different timezone). I asked if they could pick something up to eat on their way home, no response. Hours pass and I decide fine I'll just go and get something myself but also feeling a bit irritated that now it was after midnight and I still hadn't heard from them. They sent a joke a little bit after and that was the last I heard from them. Now it's after 1am, going towards 2am and I still haven't heard anything else from them/they haven't come back. I'm starting to feel pretty upset. I know that we don't need to spend every minute together but when you have a partner shouldn't you communicate where you are/timing especially when it's this late? Also, is someone really "networking" after 1am? & if you're just "drinking with the boys" shouldn't you tell the boys, hey I have a partner waiting for me? I don't know. Maybe I'm being unreasonable. Am I that asshole for being upset? Edit: adding more info - They invited me along because the event was only a few days and they thought it could be a fun vacation outside of the event times (and we would be staying more time outside of just the event days). We've been seeing each other for a couple of months. We are in a different country but we are in Europe and live in Europe. Edit 2: the trip is supposed to last another week. It was their idea to bring me as they thought it'd be fun. It isn't a company event. It's a conference in which they're representing the company. I'm not mad that they're busy. I'm upset that it's almost 2am and I haven't heard from them. Edit 3: I was told we can hangout especially because i wasn't going to stay longer at first. He explicitly told me he would be done around 9/10pm. I also wasn't upset that it ended up going over, just upset that he didn't say anything to me about the time even when I had texted him. I'm wondering if I'd be TA if i left. I have other things going on back home and I was skipping them tp spend some time with him so I'm thinking perhaps if he has his own thing (not even sure if the boys counts as networking) then I should go do my own thing

Sad-Tip-272

AITA for wanting to leave the trip because I'm upset

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9i7u/aita_for_wanting_to_leave_the_trip_because_im/

17h9i7u

She asked me for money to support her and her daughter. I told her no because it is mine and my husbands money. We are recently married and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant. My husband dislikes my sister and she dislikes him. My sister and I are usually close but she dislikes my husband. He earns the most money and his family is wealthy so my sister dislikes him for that and calls him snobby and stuck up. Why should I help her when she treats my husband like that? When I said no she told me I was selfish and that I thought I was better than her, then she had the nerve to say that my husband would leave me when I got old and ugly. She said that he only liked me because of my looks. I said she can’t even get a man to stay with her so I won’t be taking advice from her. Our parents even backed her up and told me I wasn’t being fair and that she couldn’t pay her bills. They said they helped her out even though they have a lot less money to spare. Maybe that was bad but in my point of view it’s not my problem.

Neither_Profile_6865

AITA for not giving my sister money while she is struggling to get by and I’m well off?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9p3n/aita_for_not_giving_my_sister_money_while_she_is/

17h9p3n

I M(56) called my son(20) a lazy piece of shit. It all started when he turned 19, I said to him that he needed to get a home or look for a job, to start in life you know, but he won't, he's already 20 and the only shit he does for us is take the trash out and sometimes he refuses to. One day I demanded him to go take the trash out, he went , while he was doing it I went into his PC to look at what he was doing there, I know it's wrong but man, he was in some bad shit, it was just porn, and not common porn , some was like fettish porn, I know when I was like 17 I was horny as fuck too, but that's too much, then I just let it there and waited for him to come back, and when he came, I just called him a lazy piece of shit who just watches porn and can't even search for a job, he then started yelling at me saying that it was my fault and that I was an asshole, i think it's not my fault that you are a fat lazy perv, since i educated you to work hard and give it all, then be continued, said that he just wanted mom to break up with me and that he just wanted a dad that wasn't pressing on him all time to get a job. I then said: if you don't want a job right now, go to a university, I'd pay it all for you, but if you refuse and don't get a job till your 20s, I'm sorry but I'll have to kick you out, he then just leaves in silence. I'm now sad that I treated him that bad, when he was young he was a good and smart kid, played football and had plenty of friends, now he stays all day in his bedroom and does nothing!

BackgroundOkyu

AITA for calling my son a lazy piece of shit

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9rpx/aita_for_calling_my_son_a_lazy_piece_of_shit/

17h9rpx

My (37F) brother (33M) and his partner (33?F) have two daughters (5 & 2). We often get together for family bbqs every couple of months. Every time my SO (37M) and I leave these family events, my brother and his partner will make their kids give us a hug and kiss (on the cheek) goodbye. Sometimes the kids don't want to, which is totally fine with me. I'm happy to wave and say goodbye. For context, the 5yo has very mild autism but she and I get on really well, I seem to be able to get on a different level with her and she is able to come out of her shell around me. The 2yo quiet shy around us still - we don't see them very often, so she needs a bit of time to get used to us. Last time we caught up, they made a huge deal about the kids having to hug and kiss us goodbye. I told them I really don't care and to just let them do their own thing. The brother tells them again to hug and kiss us goodbye. I can tell my SO is uncomfortable - he's not a hugging or kissing kind of guy. So I double down and tell my brother "No, really - you don't need to force them to do anything". The kids, my SO and myself were starting to get really uncomfortable. His reply totally blew me away. He said, "We're teaching our kids not to be rude". Well, that kind of set me off. I told him and his partner that its absolutely not rude for the kids to refuse to hug and kiss us or anyone goodbye. In fact, its was perfectly fine fine for them to set their own boundaries when it comes to what they do with their bodies. Forcing them to engage in unwanted physical contact is not okay and they are potentially setting their kids up to be victims in the future. I didn't yell or raise my voice to them, but I was very firm in what I said. Which may have took them back a little bit, because I'm usually the family clown and prefer to joke around. They obviously took offense and came back at me with, we'll raise our kids how we want, and what would you know, you don't even have kids. So being how my brother is, he's cut me off for having an opinion on how he is raising his kids. That's his go to coping mechanism, cutting people off. So I may or may not see my nieces again 🤷‍♀️ Everyone walks on eggshells around my brother through fear they'll be cut off. My mother (60) told me I shouldn't have said anything to him about how he's raising his kids. My younger sister (30F) agreed with what I said but she didn't have my back at the bbq. So, AITAH for standing up for my neices? I know I'm not an expert in parenting, I just thought it would have been common sense to raise your kids to speak up for themselves, rather than be submissive. Maybe I could have handled it better? Idk. I just feel bad for the kids.

ThrowRA-ra-ra-ra-

AITAH for telling my brother and SIL it's not 'rude' for their kids to say no to unwanted physical contact?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17h9yfd/aitah_for_telling_my_brother_and_sil_its_not_rude/

17h9yfd

I (18f) and refusing to clean my closet in my parent’s house for a few reasons. Reason one is that they have snooped around my room not too long ago and I thought it was done, but it turns out they did it again today, and they don’t care how invasive it is. For instance, they have gone through every drawer and bag in my room to find condoms, lube, sex toys, mace, lighters, and my knife collection; so, they are very upset that I possess these items. The second reason is I am currently very sick and they what it all cleaned by tomorrow. Currently I have a headache, can’t stop sneezing, been throwing up, and have a 100.4 degree fever. Despite them being aware of my current state they haven’t stopped yelling and nagging me to clean my closet. The third reason is that I am in general super mad at their choices they have been doing. The biggest being when they took all my college savings and used it for my twin brother’s legal fees, medical bills due to drugs, and his rehab. Due to this I can no longer afford going to college next year and it really pisses me off; especially since most of the money in the account was money I earned through chores and when I used to work. Still, I do see where they are in the right. That being it is their house, and so they have been proving food and shelter for me. My biggest guess to why they are so invasive in my things ie because they probably want to make sure I’m not doing drugs like my brother. Yet, at the same time I really hate the way they have been treating me, Overall, I am still unsure if I’m exactly doing the right thing or if I’m in the right at all.

Dune_Sand_2005

AITA For Refusing to Clean my Closet in my Parent’s House?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17ha88e/aita_for_refusing_to_clean_my_closet_in_my/

17ha88e

I’ll try to summarize, but the end of this summer my girlfriend got her dream job out of the country, and asked if I wanted to move with her. (Weren’t living together at the time) I had no job connections but struggled and managed to get a job. We’ve both had commitment issues in the past (myself more so) but this was an exciting and new step for us to give it a shot. You need a work permit applied for AND COMPLETED to even enter this country. We gave our two weeks at our jobs and payed for a deposit in the new place in preparation for moving. Long story short, I submitted my work permit and it was cleared before hers, even though she submitted hers months before me. Turns out she thought she filled a temporary like me when she really did a longer year permit (takes months to process) I need to go and begin work to make enough & to pay the rent on our place, but she feels upset for me leaving her and arriving before her. She offered to pay for both our shares of the rent if money is the issue and I could wait in the US (we’d still be living apart) Am I the asshole for going and beginning work without her?

Puzzleheaded_Ad_6998

AITA Girlfriend Upset about international moving change of plans

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hafog/aita_girlfriend_upset_about_international_moving/

17hafog

I (16f) have an older step brother (22m) who lived with us for about 2 months. during this i stated in a previous post that i had some concerns with his behavior. after that i found out that he had bought weed and alcohol for an old friend of mine (16f) and was out with her, from screenshots my friend sent me it seemed like he had the intention of sleeping with her though i have no proof he actually did. at the time i was really conflicted with what to do, and ended up telling out parents what was going on. especially because i had reason to believe this isn’t the first time he had done this. my step-mom (his mother) ended up texting him and telling him to come home and that they needed to talk. everyone but me and my other brothers (18m) ex girlfriend that still lives with us, (18f) was pretty shocked. after that my step brother refused to come home for 2 days, then came back really late one night and was gonna by the time everyone got home from school and work the next morning with all of his stuff. my stepbrother had a conversation with his mom saying he has no home now and is homeless, his mom is devastate, and my dad (who had hired him to work with him) is facing repercussions at work because my step-brother never showed up to work and never told anyone. his sister (15f) also lived with us part time and misses her brother. so aita for telling my family what he was doing?

Ins7an7Karma

AITA for “ruining” my brothers life and tearing apart my family in the process?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17haita/aita_for_ruining_my_brothers_life_and_tearing/

17haita

I (F, late 20s) graduated college nearly a decade ago (I was admitted young). I am the oldest, and my younger siblings are all going on to attend the same college I went to. Whenever one of them is admitted, my parents want me to help them figure out schedules, programs, online vs in-person, housing, etc. Basically to be an on-hand academic advisor. I wouldn't mind helping, but the issue is that the college frequently updates their systems and changes their processes. They've also demolished a lot of their student housing and built new ones since I graduated. It hasn't been totally unrecognizable, but they've added several new programs that I am just not aware of, so I don't know how they work. My parents have often guilt-tripped me my saying that I don't care about helping my family, but that's not the case at all; I just don't know how to do what they want anymore. Today, I got a text from my parents saying another one of my siblings has been admitted to this school. I was bombarded with questions about more programs I'd never heard of, and "Are they allowed to take these classes together," "Can they take all online classes or do they have to take some in-person." I couldn't answer a single one of these; not only is this sibling not even in my same degree, they wanted to join a program that was created withing the last year that I'd never heard of. I texted back saying I could take a look, but pointed out that it's been almost 10 years since I graduated and it just isn't the same as when I went. I was honest and told them they should probably ask an academic advisor from the school and that I'm probably not the best resource anymore. I haven't heard back and I'm bracing myself for another flood of questions I can't answer and some passive-aggressive guilt tripping. I feel like I might be the jerk because maybe I'm wrong for not even trying; I just know that the system has been getting more and more unfamiliar to me over the years and I think having me go over it with them would be a waste of time when they could talk to an advisor. AITA?

Mediocre-Tax8719

AITA For Not Helping My Siblings with Their College Admissions Anymore

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hamjd/aita_for_not_helping_my_siblings_with_their/

17hamjd

My older sister is getting married on February 14th, 2024, and has been planning this wedding since December 2021. Since she has had so long to plan, her expectations have risen exponentially over the course of the engagement. Initially, she wanted just a simple backyard wedding, but now she is planning for a live band, fancy caterers, entirely new landscaping, multiple activity stations, elaborate sculptures as decoration, and the most ridiculous designer ballgown wedding dress I've ever seen in my life. She now wants all the bridesmaids, including me, to get to the destination wedding two days early for a bachelorette bar-crawl, rehearsal dinner, day-of-brunch, and set up help in between. Since I'm in the bridal party and her sister, I get a lot of the backdoor window into wedding planning, and the text message frequency is way up from when I initially took the role on. Every day I'm helping her pick between identical shades of green napkins, flower baskets, desserts, etc. I'm getting burnt out and trying to prioritize more me time, so I'm not texting back as fast as I used to, and am trying to save my energy and answer multiple questions from her at a time instead of one at a time as they immediately come in. She asked me today if I was alright and if anything was wrong, and I told her that I love her and I'm excited for the wedding, but she's really asking a lot of her guests and I don't know how many people will be able to make as much effort as she expects from everybody. To her, it is a special day, but to everybody else, it's an inconveniently timed wedding that takes place in the middle of the week, nukes any Valentine's day plans they would have otherwise had, and requires way too many events and outfits (all with a theme). She got pissed at me and said that she has gone out of her way to make the wedding easy for guests, and that anyone who doesn't want to attend is free to RSVP no, and implied that I should go ahead and RSVP no if I felt this way. I told her to stop being ridiculous, because of course I'll go, but that she asked what was wrong and I gave her some honest feedback. Now she's not talking to me and my mom is annoyed at me for rocking the boat. AITA?

Miserable-Heart-9765

AITA for telling my (25f) sister (28f) that she's doing too much for her wedding?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hapx5/aita_for_telling_my_25f_sister_28f_that_shes/

17hapx5

This happened about a year ago, but I'm still being forced to sleep in the basement with my sister, when needed, to this day. I was a freshman at university and my dorm hall was closing. On the day of my arrival, everything seemed fine until the clock struck ten. My divorced mother told me I needed to go to the basement. She explained that she intended to meet someone from Tinder, and she preferred I stay away from them. My sister was prepared, but I was less enthusiastic about the idea. I asked her to reconsider since our rooms are far enough apart where nothing I could do would disturb her. However, she insisted I didn't talk back and went downstairs. So Reddit, AITA? Naive maybe?

CompetitiveOwl9645

AITA for not wanting to sleep in the basement with my sister?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hasqb/aita_for_not_wanting_to_sleep_in_the_basement/

17hasqb

So, I(40M) have a younger brother(37M) and he has two girls(17F and 12F) who he abandoned for a new girlfriend and step daughter 7 years ago. I live with my mother(70F) in the house me and my brother grew up in and the girls come to stay every three weekends. They basically get spoiled by me, my mum and my late father who passed with cancer on the 25th of Oct. The girls are mine. Legally? No. But that doesn't mean anything. They don't call me dad but I'd say I'm certainly seen as a father, especially to my older niece. Upon my father's passing, my brother wants to come down to stay with the girls with the step daughter and his new son. Both girls were okay with this thought and that's where I think I may be the AH because I blatantly refused to have him here while they where down. Now, don't think this is like me being possessive, it isn't. Last time they seen their dad face to face he hurt them alot. He broke two young girls hearts and left us to pick up the pieces. AITA for not wanting to put my nieces through that again?

Known_Age_9129

AITA for not letting MY kids round their bio father?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hb2tq/aita_for_not_letting_my_kids_round_their_bio/

17hb2tq

Edit to add - I’m not arguing the legality of what my father did, or whether or not I (and my sister) had enough time to look through the jewelry. I think my father giving it to his replacement/gf is inappropriate, weird, and just offensive (especially to my SIL and aunts/mom’s sisters, who had NO opportunity to look at and choose jewelry items before he gave his gf the pieces he did. They live too far out of town to just stop by). Background - my (30s F) mother died in mid-October 2022. A week after she died my father started seeing another woman. Someone he knew in college who he had reconnected with when he had cancer a few years ago, and had apparently been emailing since. They were exclusive to calls until that Spring, given that they were half a country away from each other. Since that time he has been with her every other month (at her home, her daughters homes, etc). He was going to leave the week we were having my mother’s funeral in May earlier (whole family went to where my parents grew up for it), but changed those plans after my siblings (also 30s) and I gave him slack for it (please don’t let our mother’s funeral get in the way of your vacation). He spent his birthday and Father’s Day with her, and is planning to spend thanksgiving with her family. The present issue is that he decided he was going to sell our family home, and needs to go through all of my mother’s things and the other general things in the house. They lived there 40+ years so it’s a lot. I told my father around May that I was finally ready to go through my mother’s things but aside from telling my sister and I he wanted us to go through them, never gave us dates or times. Life also happens, so I really don’t have any other good excuse for not going through it than that too. He had 2/3 of my mothers jewelry sitting on the dining table for probably a month. My sister and I finally went through it and picked out what we wanted (some of the jewelry I wanted I forgot to set aside, but since I live 20mins away I wasn’t worried). My aunts were coming to town at the beginning of October and my SIL I planned to have a video chat with - my sister and I of course were fine sharing whatever my SIL might want, and then giving my mom’s sisters a chance to look through things after. My fathers gf came into town and they went to the beach house he (and previously my mother) owns. The time they were in town before going to the beach I had the opportunity to meet her and chose not to. The whole situation is extremely hurtful to me. How you could be married to someone for 40yrs and move on in a week is beyond me. Anyway, before they left his gf helped him arrange my mothers jewelry, including the last third we hadn’t gone through yet. When they did so he gave his gf several of my mother’s rings, with the assumption that if my sister and I didn’t want them they were free to whomever, I guess. He didn’t not ask or tell us, my aunt deduced it from seeing a picture of his gf holding up a jacket he sent to my sister to see if it was hers/she wanted it - she said it looked like she was wearing one of my mother’s rings, and I confirmed with him he gave several of them to her. Him giving my mothers jewelry to her is a line for me me. My sister and I (and my mother’s sisters) are not ok with it. He did not ask before giving them to her, and even if he had I would have said no. I don’t care if these rings did not cost a lot, if my sister, SIL, myself, and aunts did not want them they would have been donated to dress for success, and the only person her jewelry couldn’t go to, in my mind, is his gf and her family. I told my father if I ever met his gf I was going to tell her I wanted my mother’s jewelry back. That is in fact probably the sole reason I would bring myself to meet her. He called me cruel and evil because he offered them to her (I don’t care, he shouldn’t have offered and she should not have accepted). Thanks for reading.

FragrantSeason2208

WIBTA for telling my father’s gf I want my mother’s jewelry back

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hb849/wibta_for_telling_my_fathers_gf_i_want_my_mothers/

17hb849

I was recently asked by a former colleague who is now a professor to speak to her college sales class (junior and senior sales majors who have done at least one internship), and I accepted. I have over 25 years of sales experience and am currently chief sales officer of a large company, employing a sales team of over 100 people. In the past, I have done a lot of trainings and presentations like this, and in fact, I repurposed a presentation I used recently for this particular occasion. The presentation started normally with basic sales tactics, examples, and activities to get the class involved. Eventually we transitioned to a section about “being a chameleon” in sales. This essentially means adjusting your approach based on the person in front of you… pretty simple stuff. I wanted to highlight this on many levels, so I made the comparison of selling to someone from NY vs someone from North Carolina vs someone from the Pacific Northwest. That seemed to resonate. Then I used a cultural example, and this is where we derailed. I talked about Indian people specifically, and that generally they are more analytical and are not prone to quick decisions or decisions made without consulting their spouse. I said it’s common knowledge that it is difficult to sell to Indian people, and you need know that certain tactics may not work. The first comment that came back was, “So you stereotype people so you can manipulate them?” I was flabbergasted and replied that goal is to communicate better, and the response was “by using someone’s race against them?” I tried to steer the conversation back by making other comparisons like if the person talked about God, then I would mention my faith, or if they’re from Pittsburgh, I would talk about football. But same 3-4 students kept firing back smart ass remarks, clearly trying to be difficult. I finally ended it by asking if they really thought it was out of line and manipulative. Six students raised their hands, and I told them that we do whatever necessary to communicate with the client the best way possible to get the sale, and if you think that is manipulative, then I think you need to find a different major, because sales is not for you. This resulted in silence except for one student saying “rude” under her breath. I moved on to a completely different subject and concluded the presentation shortly after. Discussing later with the prof, she mentioned two students dropped her class, and one filed a formal complaint. She agreed I didn’t do anything wrong, but my spouse disagrees, saying they are just kids and I shouldn’t have smacked them down like they were my employees.

ThrowRAujshdjos

AITA for talking about sales approaches based on ethnic and cultural stereotypes?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hb881/aita_for_talking_about_sales_approaches_based_on/

17hb881

This happened a few days ago in a large EU airport. I was sitting at the gate before boarding and the person seated next to me (who I had never met before) turned to me and asked "Could you watch my suitcase while I go to the bathroom, it will only take a few seconds." I told him "I don't think we are allowed to do that here, I'm sorry". Usually I would have said yes, and I felt a bit bad because he was very polite, but it's an airport and I had heard about 20 announcements during my layover saying not to leave baggage unattended and to notify police of unattended baggage. Anyway, he gave me a very dirty look, and some other passengers seated nearby said "Of course we can watch it for you" and also gave me a dirty look. AITAH?

haskell_jedi

AITA for refusing to watch someone's luggage in an airport

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hba4v/aita_for_refusing_to_watch_someones_luggage_in_an/

17hba4v

We were planning to go on a 7 day vacation to a warm country, with just our backpacks. My bf had packed his bag already when I started my packing the day before the flight. I noticed that he didn't pack his sunglasses so I placed both of ours in my sunglasses case (to save space,) put it in my backpack, and told him I did so. He didn't like this idea and asked for his sunglasses back so he could keep it in his own case, which was much thicker and heavier than mine (the reason I used my sunglass case in the first place). I handed him my case with both our glasses while I went back to finishing up my packing. He came to me few minutes later and handed me his case saying that he had placed his sunglasses in it. I was keeping it in my bag since he didn't have any more space his. I made a mistake here and assumed that he might have kept my sunglasses in his case as well and didn't think much about it since I assumed the issue was resolved. Then, we finally reach our destination and desperately need sunglasses cause of how strong the sun was. And surprise to me, the case had ONLY his sunglasses. He then proceeds to comment on how silly it was for me to forget my sunglasses at home, knowing it was going to be this hot and sunny here. I was pissed about his comment and that he didn't bother to think about how I hadn't packed mine. Told him he could've packed my sunglasses as well or at least let me know that he left my glasses on the table. Argument ensued where he makes me sound toxic for blaming him for something that was my own fault. So reddit, what's the verdict? AITA?

cooery

AITA for blaming my(27f) bf(26) for me "forgetting" to carry my sunglasses on a vacation?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbaz1/aita_for_blaming_my27f_bf26_for_me_forgetting_to/

17hbaz1

Here’s the back story. Going to change names for anonymity. I apologize in advance as I’m writing this on mobile. My husband and I reached out to a breeder (let’s call her Stacey) in our state for a puppy. Stacey let us know she wouldn’t have any new puppies for a while but told us that she has a friend (Claire) in another state who breeds the same breed of dog and she has puppies available soon. We reach out to Claire. It all goes well and we put a deposit down on our dream dog. We booked flights, a hotel, and paid for the in cabin pet fee as well as a pet carrier. We leave one week from tomorrow. Everything has been going great until we received an email from Stacey today which reads “I’m thinking about getting another pup from your puppies litter, would you be open to bringing a second puppy back with you? The pups can ride together in the same carrier and I will pay for puppy airfare.” After discussing with my husband, and checking the pet policy with our airline, we ultimately decided it was not a good idea. We are first time dog owners and have never flown with pets before, we know we are going to have our hands full already with one dog. Especially since we will be staying in a hotel for 1 night with the puppy as well. Our airline also requires that each pet have their own carrier. I responded to her email explaining what I just said in the above paragraph and was met with this response “Ok I guess this pup isnt going to happen for me right now . I’ll let Claire know. She was very sure you would do it… We’ve transported 2 pups in the same bag many times . I wonder which airline isnt allowing that. I reiterated, “Again, I really am so sorry! We are flying (airline) and that's what it says on their website. But our main reason for saying no is that we are first time dog owners and we have never flown with pets before. We know we are going to have our hands full already with one puppy. Especially since we will be staying overnight in a hotel with the puppy as well. I hope you can understand where we're coming from.” And then this lady says, “It’s ok , I’ll have to find a way to get her here or not get her . I’ve traveled with 2 puppies on United several times in the same bag . It’s allowed. Oh well, thanks for your help.” I have not responded to her. I don’t know why she keeps fixating on the airline rule as I’ve explained to her twice that it is not the reason we don’t want to do it. We have been so excited up until this point and this situation is really taking away from this special event in our lives. Am I the asshole????

peachmelody

AITA for not agreeing to bring an additional puppy back on my flight for the person who referred me to my breeder?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbimt/aita_for_not_agreeing_to_bring_an_additional/

17hbimt

My boyfriend and I work at the same college, just different departments. He is higher up but not my supervisor or anything. I was in my office that I share with one other person who does not like my boyfriend. We were not busy. My boyfriend knocked on the door (it's locked) and we knew it was him but decided not to answer. He knocked a second time before going through an unlocked door in an adjacent classroom and coming into my office uninvited. There were students in the classroom but class hadn't started. He couldn't just unlock the door to my office because he does not have key card access since he works in another department. Anyway, he was pissed because we were obviously not busy and so we clearly just ignored his knock. I was pissed because he wormed his way around a locked door by going through a classroom, something I have asked him not to do. He said he did it because he wanted to do something nice so he was bringing me a cupcake. I ignored him because he has a history of not treating my job seriously and I just really wasn't in the mood to talk to him. He was angry for the rest of the day, saying what I did was rude and not how people in a relationship behave. I told him that sneaking around locked doors to get in places you don't belong is not how professionals behave.

atomic_wombat3

AITA for not answering the door when my boyfriend was knocking?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbmri/aita_for_not_answering_the_door_when_my_boyfriend/

17hbmri

I’m a twenty year old female, I have an older brother (21) and my mom ended up giving birth to my younger brother when I was ten (so he’s currently ten)… I call my little brother babe, not all the time and imo not in a weird way. He’ll be like ‘hey sissy’ and i’ll answer with a ‘yes babe?’ I’ve never thought of it in the same way I call my boyfriend babe, it’s just something I do. He’s honestly my favorite person and I feel like a second mom to him. The other day, I had a friend of mine tell me that it makes them uncomfortable that I call him that and that ‘he’s my brother I don’t need to be calling him babe’ and i’ve never even thought about it in a weird way but now i’m worried that other people who hear me say it think i’m creepy and i’m just wondering if it’s something I should stop?

frogfrogfrog13

AITA/in the wrong for the nickname i’ve given my little brother?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbmvx/aitain_the_wrong_for_the_nickname_ive_given_my/

17hbmvx

My pregnant fiancée has brought to my attention that me answering a phone call while in public is rude and inconsiderate. Let me preface the rest by mentioning that this is not a common thing or has never been an issue before. We live in a rural area and the next metro area is 45 mins away in any direction. So it might seem like a “treat” to us to go out of town to these cities. We’re working on renovating a house and went to Home Depot and another store. I received a phone call walking into one store and received another while in the other. Both times were 2 hours apart. They were short(within 5 mins) phone calls and this honestly never happens. I think she has a bit of social anxiety that cause her anxiety which made her feel this way. This has never been addressed before. I’d like to stress the fact that I’m not notorious for being in the phone. I confronted her the next day about it and it blew up into a lot of other stuff. Which I’m curious if AITA as well. Edit: I want to mention it’s not very typical for her to act this way about something not very serious. She really is one of the most caring, understanding and amazing people I’ve ever met. Which is what made me question if I was actually the AH.

Paintedbirmingham

AITA Answering the phone while in public

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbqiz/aita_answering_the_phone_while_in_public/

17hbqiz

Almost a year ago I got my best friend a Nintendo Switch and a $60 game for Christmas because I new they really wanted one but couldn't afford it. We had been best friends and pretty close for over a year now and I had the extra money. Then about a week into the new year (this year) they started ghosting me out of no where. Cutting me out of their life, forcefully. I tried to keep in contact, but about a month went by and they just went completely silent on me. For extra context we live in the same apartment building and go to the university and co-lead a club on campus so we would see each other often, but last semester they stopped showing up until the last 2-3 weeks. Since I because I knew their schedule I purposely avoided them. Around the end of the semester we started talking a bit more again and have been more this semester but they are starting to ghost me again. Not as extreme but it's happening. (There are other details I am purposely leaving out but I do not think they are important to the main question I want an opinion on. Mosty other drama.) When it started happening, one thing that stuck with me was I got my bestfriend the Switch, not a friend, and after all the drama, this person is no longer my bestfriend, just a friend. I debated asking for the Switch back, but I never did because they already got games for it and use it kinda frequently. Well it's getting close to a year and with them starting to ghost me again, I am starting to question myself if I should ask for it back. But with how long it's been, I wonder if it's worth it or if I should just take the loss? I know I can explain why I would want it back, but I feel it's just going to lead to argument and them resenting me. But I also kinda don't care how they feel anymore. They shut me out like the past year was nothing and then tried to resume our friendship like nothing happened months later. Would I be the asshole if I asked to get the Switch back? (Sorry if this messy, it's the first time I've put up something like this so I don't know the best way to describe things.)

theBEnjamin_32

AITA, I guess this is a would I be?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbqkd/aita_i_guess_this_is_a_would_i_be/

17hbqkd

So a bit of background: last week my mom’s boyfriend yelled at her in front of his family during Sunday dinner. She was tired and didn’t want to immediately help him prep and he took this as her having a bad attitude. A tiff broke out and eventually he started dropping f bombs before yelling that he was “sick of her shit” in front of his dad and brother. This made her feel very sad and ashamed. The past few days have consisted of him ignoring her and her going to bed early. Today I went to her house to visit like normal and asked her how things were with him. She explained that he was still refusing to make even small talk. She also had a bad day because she went to the doctor and found out she had shingles. To put it mildly I was pissed. This isn’t the first time he’s blown up on her. So when he came home early and started showing her memes on his phone and rubbing her back like nothing had happened, I snapped. She seemed to be relieved he wasn’t upset anymore but I didn’t care. I went into baby bear mode and after he tried joking with me a few times, I told him to fuck off and not talk to me until he’d apologized to my mom. I really let him have it. But he was confused bc he’d already forgotten about the incident. That was not a good enough excuse. I told him to be a man and say sorry until my mom ushered me outside and politely told me to leave. I feel like I shouldn’t have talked to an older adult that way nor spoken for her instead of letting her guide the situation, but I’m really sick of this dude. AITA? They also usually go out on Thursdays, so I feel like I ruined her date night in addition to her getting shingles. Let me know! Cheers

scientologistgf

AITA for cussing out my mom’s boyfriend on their date night while she has shingles?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbryu/aita_for_cussing_out_my_moms_boyfriend_on_their/

17hbryu

For context my aunts husband is a dick and my wife hates him. My cousin used to live with us and it’s his parents I’m talking about. While my cousin lived with us he let his dad borrow his car for months and he borrowed our car in the meantime. My uncle told my cousin that me and my wife were taking advantage of them and were bad people so my wife decided no more lending her car to my cousin and made him take his car back so he can go to work. My wife said no more lending the car to help my cousins dad and I was fine with that. It’s been months since then and we’ve moved out of the house. my cousins mom has jury duty. The dad still doesn’t have a vehicle but had to chaperone a school field trip so I was asked for a ride and said yes because jury duty is important and I thought it would be fine. My wife blew up on me saying I don’t respect her or our marriage. We got into a huge argument and I said a few choice words and so did she. I really feel like I’m the asshole but I don’t know.

THE_TRUE_ELOHIM

AITA for giving my aunt a ride to jury duty

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hbuah/aita_for_giving_my_aunt_a_ride_to_jury_duty/

17hbuah

I (21f) am in a dilemma in the moment regarding an argument I had with my mom(40). For context my family and I went to dinner at a nearby restaurant, my treat, to have some quality family time. While we were waiting for our food my mom commented that she was tired and wanted to sleep when she got home. My dad commented that she could sleep for the rest of the afternoon and wake up to drink water and afterwards go back to sleep. My mom didn’t like the comment and that is when my little sister repeated what he said to my mom. I might note that my sister didn’t repeat this in any tone of aggression toward my mom. My mom became upset and was visibly upset for the rest of the time. When our food came and my sister offered her a napkin my mom flat out refused in a very rude tone. I asked my mom why she responded like that to my sister in which as replied back “What am I doing? Why is everyone attacking me?” I said “No one is attacking you. “ She then decided to ask for the keys and walked out of the restaurant leaving her food in the table untouched. We finished our food and took hers to go so she could eat it. When we got home my little brother(5) was having an issue and calling for my mom we tried to help him but he kept calling her. During this whole time my mom ignored my brother until I told her to please listen to my him. She then proceeded to say “He has a dad, I’m not his mom or yours.” This is when our argument began where I told her that she was acting immature and needed to understand that her way of acting is not right. She said that everyone was against her and that’s when the rest of my family chimed into the argument. We told her that her way of acting is not right and that she acts defensive when we say something she doesn’t like. In the end I told her she needed to grow up and stop taking things personal when we are trying to make her see the wrong of her ways. She became upset and said that she is a bad mother who didn’t raise us right. She left and drove off. As of now she’s in the driveway but refuses to come inside. So AITA for saying that she’s immature? Edit: I’ve seen a few comments and I think I should add some context. 1. My mom asked to eat out and I offered to pay. 2. My brother is autistic and when he asks for someone he refuses help from anyone else.

nocontact24_throw

AITA for she’s immature and she needs to grow up

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hc8dr/aita_for_shes_immature_and_she_needs_to_grow_up/

17hc8dr

I 28f rent the upper floor of a house. The downstairs has another couple that we are pretty amicable with. The landlord stays mostly out of the picture opting to let a building management company deal with maintenance and other issues. In May I went to use the hose and when I turned it off the water kept coming. I called the building management and they took hours to come shut the water off. Then told me someone would come fix it. I sent out an email outlining the hose needing fixed, out kitchen tap needing replaced and our bathtub needed recaulked. All of which were super easy fixes. So my first email was in May. In the time between May and now, October, I've spoken to 3 different people in person, once over the phone, and sent 6 emails in regards to the maintenance. At this point I'm angry because our kitchen sink isn't working right, and I have no way of watering my garden that I spend a few hundred $ on. So I send another email bluntly detailing again that the maintenance isn't done. I also sent the email to the building manager, her boss, my mom (who cosigns), and my husband. Basically she clapped back that maybe if I had reached out sooner things wouldn't have taken so long. She also said she wouldn't tolerate me taking my frustration out on her (im assuming because i clapped back with "how many emails would be an appropriate amount? One a week, one a day until the issue is resolved?").Although probably a little too sassy and blunt, I will point out that I never once swore, berated, belittled, or otherwise insulted this woman. Let alone raise my voice at her, as most of this is via email so I have a record of it. P.s the last email was on Monday so it's now been 4 days and I still haven't heard from the maintenance guy. I'm just at a loss. AITA?

KTCreates

AITA for getting upset with my building manager?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hcazl/aita_for_getting_upset_with_my_building_manager/

17hcazl

My husband has an employee with whom he works really closely, he is her boss and then she is the boss for many other of his employees in the office. They travel and spend a lot of time together. We’ve all spent time together and I am confident he’s not interested in her, and nothing is going on romantically between them. However, their office is having a Halloween party and she is asking him to be Ken and she will be the matching Barbie. She sent him a link to the costume. She included me in the group chat about coordinating their matching costumes. I’m not invited to the party, it’s just at work during the work day. I think there is a costume competition she wants to win. I told him privately I don’t like the optics of them being matching Ken and Barbie, when they already publicly travel and spend so much time together. His idea of fixing it was sending an email to their smaller team of 6 people, sharing the costume link and the statement “Mary and I are wearing this, y’all should consider getting it too and we can all match at the big party.” I said instead of fixing the problem of the bad optics, he just announced to everyone, in writing, that they got matching Ken/Barbie costumes on purpose and made it worse. No optics fixed. I do acknowledge the whole office matching at the big corporate party would be cute, *if* the smaller team decides to invest the $50 each to match. It’s better than of those 2 had just showed up at the big corporate party as matching Ken/Barbie.

RelationshipOdd8524

AITA telling my husband he shouldn’t do matching Ken/Barbie costumes with his female coworker?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hcbzr/aita_telling_my_husband_he_shouldnt_do_matching/

17hcbzr

I (33m) have noticed in the past month that my GF (29f) hasn’t been eating as much as she normally does. We have been together for 4 years now and while she has never had the best appetite it has never been at the level it is at now. For context she rarely eats breakfast and the times that she does it means she doesn’t eat lunch, but she has always had lunch and dinner. I normally give us the same portions for dinner and then if she has any leftovers I will eat them (she gives me her plate I don’t just take them) but it’s never a huge amount. The last few weeks I have only seen her have lunch once and that was the one day she didn’t eat any dinner. We were staying with my family due to renovations at our place and my mom kept mentioning to her that she wasn’t eating lunch. My mom is a bit overprotective at times and was concerned for her health but my GF had a virus at the same time (this came after the appetite left her) so put it down to illness and it was left at that. We are back home now and she has recovered from the flu but I’m lucky if I can even get her to eat a full meal a day. Today when I noticed she had only eaten a small bag of chips I told her that this couldn’t keep happening and that if she wanted to be healthy she had to eat at least two meals a day, which resulted in an argument in which she claimed I was acting like a parent and monitoring her diet. I probably could have come at it from a better angle but it’s been making me think as she is an adult should I have even brought it up? So AITA for making this into a big deal?

GFEatingAdvice

AITA for telling my GF she has to eat?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hcc76/aita_for_telling_my_gf_she_has_to_eat/

17hcc76

So I just started coaching chess. I've been shadowing different coaches for a little over a week. I'm rated 1900-2050 in online rapid. This 70+ year old coach I met asked me how many classes I was doing and apparently it's way more than he's doing. So he asked me how long I've been working with the company and I told him. Of course then he doesn't understand how I'm getting so many classes. I tell him I'm sure it's probably because I'm rated around 2000 online. [he's rated just above 1000 online] Anyway, the dude starts acting like he's jealous and acting weird towards me because I get to teach more classes than him even though he said he's been working with them less than a month longer than me and even if I was barely above comatose, I could beat him 99 times out of 100 with ease. He then proceeds to ask me my opinion of his game and give him tips. We spend over half an hour looking at the position where I tell him three times he's overcomplicating things and he just continues to say what he thinks about the position anyway. Eventually I tell him that I could be wrong, I'm not always right and that it's ultimately his game and he can just do what he wants and there's no issue with that. Of course he said, "No, no, no, you're a strong player I value your opinion." Then another fifteen minutes pass just like the last over half an hour. I also tried to ease the tension at the end by saying that I drive really far for the classes so they're probably trying to make it worth my time. He then proceeds to tell me the $75 an hour I make by itself isn't worth it. I could have mentioned that I'm also getting private tutoring pay and I'm getting more classes closer to home next semester, but I let it go. As I left it was super awkward and he was basically giving me the stink eye. Hopefully I never have to see this ignorant dude again but I mean from the situation the way I described it, did I do anything overtly wrong? Sometimes I'm bad at talking to people so any outside perspectives could be helpful.

Independent-Road8418

AITA - This interaction felt super awkward. Is the dude just weird or AITA?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hccn4/aita_this_interaction_felt_super_awkward_is_the/

17hccn4

Throwaway My (21f) bf “Jake” (26m) and I have been together nearly a year. We decided early on to keep our own places until we decide to start seriously considering marriage. In the meantime we just visit each other through the week and have sleepovers on weekends. Jake has 2 cats. Fluffy and adorable and I love them. Obviously they shed a lot. I personally don’t have pets because of my apartment but when I did as a child it was always ingrained in me to not have them in certain spaces. Jake lets them into the kitchen on counters and everything. If he’s cooking and one of them “tastes” it he just shoos them away and doesn’t remake the dish. I don’t wanna tell him how to run his house but I have made a few comments about him not remaking something or suggesting training them to not be in the kitchen. He always laughs it off and says it’s not a big deal but said he would try to keep them out if it makes me that uncomfortable. Yesterday I was at his place since he made dinner. I arrived after everything was plated and it looked great. A few bites in I noticed a cat hair. I tried not to make a big deal and pushed some of my food around which uncovered more hair. I made an excuse of it being that hungry but assured him I enjoyed dinner. He teased me and said “it’s not that bad. See the cats like it!” and let one of his cats lick his fork which he continued to eat off of. I was disgusted said I had cramps and went home. He’s been texting me all day so I finally told him the real reason I left and that I don’t feel comfortable eating at his place anymore. I said he can either come to mine or we can go out. Then he said if I wouldn’t accept his cats then we should rethink our relationship. I don’t even know how we got here. AITA?

DisgruntledHatter

AITA for not wanting to eat at my bfs house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hci7e/aita_for_not_wanting_to_eat_at_my_bfs_house/

17hci7e

I've (26M) been at my current job for almost 1 1/2 years (I've been with the company for 3 1/2 years but I switched locations early last year) and there is one coworker (37F) that I am struggling to work with. The long and short of it is that this one coworker I have- let's call her Mary- is constantly rude and demanding with me. On a technical level her position is beneath mine, but I've always treated her as my equal because I saw no reason not to. But this might have made her too lax with me, because she is frequently barking orders at me, commanding that I drop what I'm doing and do whatever task she doesn't want to do at the moment. She asks me to do things that she could easily do herself when she is not actively busy with a task of her own; I usually just do it to avoid conflict. It gets exhausting, though. If I ask her to do her share, she gets mad at me and tells me to stop picking fights with her and that it's not a big deal and I'm fighting with her. So I drop it. I just let her push me around and it's been making me miserable. By that point, three separate coworkers had approached me and pulled me aside, asking me if I was okay and why she was treating me so coldly. One night a little bit ago, we were busy and behind on filling prescriptions and we had multiple patients waiting. Seeing what needed to get done, I decided to step in and ask her to help customers so I could fill the prescriptions and get the waiting ones finished. She did not like this and got into a full-blown argument with me, going on about how she doesn't have to listen to me and I'm not her boss. That whole fiasco was just the straw that broke the camel's back for me, so I decided to take things up with the boss the next day. I explained the situation to him and asked if I was in the wrong, because maybe I was or something. I want to do right by Mary and be fair to her because she deserves to enjoy her job and not be treated poorly, but the way she'd been acting toward me for months on end was getting to me. My boss heard me out; he told me that she should have listened to me because my position is above hers and he agreed with my reasoning in why I was asking her to do something in the first place. He said he'd talk to Mary and make expectations clear. Well, now Mary is mad at me. Apparently I'm not the first one to complain about her behavior and attitude- the boss did talk to her, but he gave her what he told her is her final warning. Now Mary is making me feel like it'll be my fault if she gets fired and I feel like I put her ass on the line. I do feel bad because I didn't know it would be her final warning, but I also don't think I did anything wrong? I put up with her behavior for a long time until it was making me dread coming into work. I didn't go into a lot of detail here due to space but believe me, she was making me miserable. I just don't feel good knowing that she might get fired. That wasn't what I wanted. AITA?

thewritegrump

AITA for jeopardizing my coworker's job?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hcmvu/aita_for_jeopardizing_my_coworkers_job/

17hcmvu

So, I (26f) moved out of a house that I shared with my roommates (20s M, M, and NB) a few months ago. We have all known each other for about a decade. Though it wasn't my idea to move out, we ended on amicable terms. Today, I had a package accidentally sent to their place, and went to go pick it up. Unfortunately, one of my old roommates had already brought it inside, though I could see it from the porch. I knew none of my old roommates would be home and I still know the passkey to get in, so I just very quickly let myself in to get it and texted them all to let them know I grabbed it. They all freaked out, saying I had crossed a boundary and to not enter their home without their permission and that they're changing the locks. They had briefly mentioned months ago that they would prefer it if they were home for me to grab a package, but I genuinely didn't remember that at the time.

doordebate

AITA for grabbing my package from my old house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hco45/aita_for_grabbing_my_package_from_my_old_house/

17hco45

Throwaway acc cos I dont want my friends to find this post. A little bit of a background story; me, 21f, is overweighted and never has a boyfriend. I visited my family last weekend and my sister told me when I was away in uni, my brother (14) told her that I will never have a chance to get married, that im so fat that no one will ever like me. I was obviously sad but surprisingly not furious. I sat on the couch for few hours and didn’t utter a single word. Later my brother asked me to help him with his homework. I looked at him and said it in a sarcastic tone ‘why dont you ask someone that has a chance to get married for help. I dont think an unlikeable person could help you with anything’ He then obviously knew what I was referred to. He ran to mum and said I didn’t help me. My mum came out of her room, barged into the living room and yelled at me ‘I paid for your fucking college, I paid everything for you and thats how you repay me? You wouldn’t even help your own brother? You are fucking selfish and you wont even help your family ’ I yelled back at her and told her wt happened. She then yelled back’ And? Was he wrong? You cannot silence every-fucking-one in this world. You can threaten your brother but that doesnt change the fact that you are fat and ugly. And now you are selfish. No one will ever love you and marry you.’ I then just cried and left my house and went back to my dorm. Haven’t contacted my parents ever since. My mum texted me that shes very disappointed at me cause as the eldest sister, I should help my brother and she was already v stressed after work, she doesn’t need these kind of bullshit around the house. Edit: Just wanted to add some INFO on why I might be the AH. I know Im much older than him and honestly I shld have acted in a more mature manner. Maybe I shouldn’t have ‘confronted’ him or maybe I should have dealt with it in a more peaceful manner. Its just that im sensitive about my weight for obvious reason😅 Hvnt had the courage to read the comments but I’d like to just thank you for any input. Im v confused rn. Edit: NOT fake!! Dont know why anyone would think thats fake, maybe cause I got poor writing skills or the whole thing looks fake. Tbf I wasnt that clear headed when Im typing the whole thing out so maybe thats why :p

External-Scar972

AITA for refusing to help my brother after he said I could never get married

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hd0t7/aita_for_refusing_to_help_my_brother_after_he/

17hd0t7

I’m the assistant manager and she’s the manager. She’s worked for the company 2 years and I started 4 months ago. I had a question about where 2 items were located. I just sent a quick text. 2 employees I was working with also didn’t know where it was. One was free w purchase and another was expensive so I really wanted to sell it if we had it. This is not a me problem it’s a problem if everyone who works for her has no idea where things are located. She told me not to contact her unless it was urgent and I’m the assistant manager and should be making decisions. It’s not a decision it’s locating an item. Anyways I was fuming because I used to manage a store and I would never tell my employees that. I said call or text me but I may not see it right away and I will do my best to respond. Am I the a hole???

ijustmadethisokay

AITA for contacting my boss when she is not at work

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hd3r3/aita_for_contacting_my_boss_when_she_is_not_at/

17hd3r3

My sister is 4 months away from being 18 and we are 6 years apart. I moved out when I was 13 and missed 10 years of her life. Recently I moved back to my home town and had my first kid and 3 days after he was born my sister moved in. She has been here nine months now and I'm considering asking her to leave. She doesn't contribute to the house besides the internet bill (no chores or babysitting) she's hasn't cleaned a dish in nine months. Really the reason I want to ask her to leave is because she disrespects my boyfriend (father of my child) I'm currently pregnant again and my sister also suggested if she were in my position she would make herself... not pregnant. Now she's refusing to acknowledge my son (who loves her) or interact with him when he wants a little attention. She will intentionally ignore him. I'm at my wits end and I feel like if she can't be a member of the family she needs to go. WIBTA?

Weak-Broccoli3437

WIBTA For asking my sister to move out?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hd48v/wibta_for_asking_my_sister_to_move_out/

17hd48v

I've been friends with Alex for years. We've always shared a close bond and trusted each other with our deepest secrets. Alex is in a long-term relationship with their partner, Jordan, who is a wonderful person. But there was a secret I discovered that could potentially shatter their relationship. One evening, while hanging out at Alex's place, I noticed some messages on their phone that strongly indicated they were having an emotional affair with someone else. I was taken aback, torn between respecting their privacy and being concerned about their relationship. As weeks passed, I noticed that Alex's connection with Jordan was growing weaker, and I couldn't ignore the sinking feeling that I needed to do something. One day, I decided to talk to Alex about it. We had a heart-to-heart conversation, and I expressed my concerns, trying to be as sensitive as possible. Alex admitted to the emotional affair but begged me not to reveal it to Jordan. They claimed it was a mistake, that it had ended, and they were working on fixing their relationship. I found myself in a difficult position. If I kept the secret, I'd be betraying my friend Jordan, who was completely in the dark. If I told Jordan, I'd betray Alex's trust. Ultimately, I decided to talk to Jordan privately and share the truth, thinking that it was better to save them from further heartbreak in the long run. Jordan was devastated, and Alex felt utterly betrayed by me for breaking their trust. Now, I'm left wondering, was I wrong for revealing my friend's secret AITA?

BEEEEEEPBOOOOOOOPE

AITA for Revealing My Friend's Secret?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hd6p8/aita_for_revealing_my_friends_secret/

17hd6p8

Alright so I, F18, still live with my parents and have a pretty decent relationship with them. Now that it's the spooky season, and one of my favorite times of the year I was invited to a costume party and planned on going with a group of my friends and get some dinner after we went to the party and this is where the problems start. See my family is very old school when it comes to costumes and such and when I said that I was going as a cop to the party they didn't bother to much, I guess they thought I'd dress differently than I did. So the night of the party comes and my family isn't home as they're busy with other things and we have fun at the party before going to meet my parents at the restaurant, a Chili's BTW, my friends and I get there first and then shortly after my family comes . Immediately when they see my costume my mother gets angry at me for wearing a "slutty" costume out to not only a party but at a restaurant. I told her that it wasn't a big deal and not like I was showing my parts to the world or anything. This led to an argument where I ended up being grounded and loss of my car privileges for a bit. But I'm wondering if iata for this?

perpetual_rose

AITA for deciding to wear a "sexy" cop costume to a costume party and dinner?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hd8vg/aita_for_deciding_to_wear_a_sexy_cop_costume_to_a/

17hd8vg

I (18F) recently had a conversation with a relative (70sM). It was mainly a normal conversation, but at some point it shifted and he ended up spilling some extremely traumatic events that happened to my Dad when he was a child. I was shocked and he even admitted to saying he probably shouldn’t have told me and that he thought I already knew. Spoiler alert: I didn’t. Anyway, now I know this traumatic story from my Dad’s childhood and I don’t want to bring it up as I don’t know how my Dad will react. I’m 99% sure he never got any help for it and he’s clearly repressed it all his life so I don’t know what to do. I can’t just randomly bring it up, and I genuinely believe me doing so will only cause a strain on our relationship and our relationships with our relative. From what I can piece together, he didn’t exactly have the happiest childhood in general, and he gets really closed off and brushes everything off when anyone wants to talk about it. I don’t know how me manages to live the way he does with these traumas, but he’s been an amazing Dad for the most part. I genuinely want to help him but I would never want to trigger him or anything like that. This is why I am strongly considering telling my sister (23F). We are quite close and often talk about family drama (not spilling anyone’s deep secrets, just our childhoods and stuff we experienced). However, I know that telling her our Dad’s story would be spilling a secret, so I am very hesitant to do so. Still, I feel I need to talk to someone about it and I have no one else to turn to. As for why I can’t talk to the relative about it again, it’s because it was also quite traumatic for him and we aren’t super close anyway. It’s just difficult walking around with this secret and my sister is the one person I can get advice from. Of course, I would never want to betray my Dad and share his secrets, so this is where I am stuck. Additionally, it also can’t be certain that this is a “secret” as it’s regarding a specific event that wouldn’t be brought up unless being specifically referred to. This could simply be why my Dad has never talked about it… but I truly don’t know. Anyway, WIBTA if I talked to my sister about a secret I learned from my Dad’s childhood? EDIT: Thank you to everyone who responded, I truly appreciate it. I definitely agree that it is not my place to tell anyone else, I guess I just couldn’t see that because of the shock and because my first instinct is always to tell my sister when something happens. I will now be pretending that that conversation never happened and will never speak of it again unless my Dad brings it up one day. Thanks again for all the responses and have a wonderful day/night :).

False_Function_4537

WIBTA if I talked to my sister about a secret I learned from my Dad’s childhood?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hdc8t/wibta_if_i_talked_to_my_sister_about_a_secret_i/

17hdc8t

For context: My (28f) brother (37m) have been LC since he showed up on my doorstep with barely a 2 day notice, starting that he was staying at my place for the weekend with his kids and his wife. The last time we spoke prior to that incident, he was talking about divorce. I've been struggling with a second tumor on my arm, anemia, and depression, so my house was not up to par. I brought up that it was really short notice, and he just kept telling me that he didn't even know they were going to be staying at my place, I was all they had, and wouldn't even tell me their arrival time. When I complained I had no idea when they were going to show, they just told me to either leave the doors unlocked or leave the keys outside so they could just come in while I was sleeping. The entire time, I struggled cleaning as much as I could after 4 pets and with one arm. When they finally showed at 2AM, my brother just complained that the house wasn't clean enough, and angry that I didn't have everything made up for them. I went to bed with their boys screaming how they hate my house and didn't want to be there. The next morning, they packed up and left for breakfast, and I woke up to an empty house. My brother came back afterwards to chew me out that my home was a health hazard, that I was letting myself go, and asking what was wrong with me for letting them stay in such conditions. They went to my mom's house, and she chewed him out for not being considerate of my medical issues. After my surgery, my brother called me to check in. I updated him on my treatment plan (my tumor was cancerous), and also told him that I did not appreciate that he was being entitled about staying at my house. I let him know that I did not want him at my house when he and his family visit anymore, unless he follows 2 rules: give me a week notice, and ask if it's okay to stay at my house. He did not appreciate that. He was angry that I didn't tell him it wasn't okay right away, and that he and his wife only find out if they were visiting the week of because of her schedule. I asked how his wife gets her schedule, and he told me that she gets her schedule for the whole year in advance. He also kept saying "I'm sorry it seemed that way to you" when it came to addressing the entitled attitude, and that since our dad, sister, and I apparently don't want him there, he'd do the adult thing and rent a hotel room. My mom has since asked if I wanted to visit his house for the holidays, but I think it'd be uncomfortable after our last conversation. She's also saying I'd be TA for creating bad blood. AITA? Tldr: I don't want to visit my older brother after he reached negatively to me setting boundaries.

Shadofortuna

AITA for refusing to visit my brother for the holidays?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hdcwq/aita_for_refusing_to_visit_my_brother_for_the/

17hdcwq

My parents have offered to pay for me and my son to travel to Maui, but haven’t invited my wife. For context: My wife and I met in the USA 10 years ago and we moved to Australia (she is Australian) just before COVID. During that time we had a son who is now 2, and he hasn’t met my parents in person but they've met a few times via FaceTime. They are pretty absent, hence me being happy to move to Australia. My wife and my parents have a fractured relationship, as do I to a degree. My parents aren’t exactly involved or great communicators, they don’t FaceTime, nor did they call our son or send any card to acknowledge his 2nd birthday, which was 2 weeks ago. My mum has since come up with this idea that it would be great if they could fly myself and my son over to Maui (at their expense cause we can’t afford it) for a week so they can meet our son. My mum is at a conference in Maui with my Dad, and thought it would be great if we could all meet there. More context: my wife is the primary carer for our son and is currently home full time with him whilst I work full time. My wife is upset that I would consider taking him without her and thinks I’m being unreasonable. Her reasons: * Our son has never been separated from her for more than a few hours. * Our son doesn’t go readily to strangers and whilst my parents are family to me, they are strangers to him. * it’s unfair to take him on his first overseas trip without her, she wants us to experience this as a family, together. * we are a package deal, it’s all of us or none of us. * I’ve never had our son for more than a day on my own, she thinks it’s too much to manage a 2 year old on my own, on his first OS flight and then for a week with people who are strangers to him, with no support. I think my parents will help, she thinks our son will struggle because he doesn’t know them and will want his mum. * She is worried he will have separation anxiety and doesn’t want to throw him in the deep end. She would prefer to manage separation by starting slowly, like a day a week at pre school, not a week in a different country without her. * she is a first time mum, she flat out does not want our son to go overseas without her. * she thinks it’s more reasonable that my parents travel here rather than ask our 2 year old to travel there without her. They are the adults. My Dad has recently had an operation and doesn’t want to do such a long flight. I can’t help but also think, the bigger reason she doesn’t want us to go is because she doesn’t like my parents. Regardless of the strained relationships, I want our son to meet my parents and we can’t afford to go without their help. Am I the asshole for accepting my parents offer, and taking our 2 year old to visit them overseas, without my wife? UPDATE: formatting for ease of reading

cheetosyummm

AITA for taking our 2 year old son OS, without my wife?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hdcxa/aita_for_taking_our_2_year_old_son_os_without_my/

17hdcxa

Update : yes my friend does know about my situation I saw a few comments wondering if she knew . Ok so for context I am (22F) and my friend is (26F) Who just recently found out she was expecting, I am happy for her and have told her so ! However, a few months ago me and my boyfriend found out that I would not be able to conceive naturally if at all. When I got the news I went a little manic, not going to lie . I spent my whole life raising other people's children and I have spent years working in childcare and I am currently planning on going back to school to work with special needs children, imagining my life growing up I have never imagined my life without kids. My entire life all I have ever wanted was to be a mother. So understandably this news was really hard to wrap my mind around. Since getting the news I have had to step away from childcare and get a job in healthcare for adults for my own mental health, I have avoided baby showers, gender reveals, and other things relating to baby's or pregnancy. However, over the past few months several of my friends and family have become pregnant or have welcomed a new baby, I know that this may sound selfish but I find myself quite envious of this . Do not get me wrong I have so happy for them and excited for them but its been hard to sit a watch almost everyone in my life have something I may never have. SOO when my friend and her bf who is very good friends with my bf came to us and told us the news, I was excited for them but it also made my heart hurt, she is one of my only two close friends and since becoming pregnant all she's been able to talk about is being pregnant and it's not all good things, a lot of the time its a complaint about how frustrating it is or how upset she is that she can't drink. Sometimes it's about an ultrasound and hearing her baby's heartbeat for the first time, all things I may never have, I've talked to my bf about being upset an not wanting to hear about only the baby and her pregnancy every time we spend time with [them](https://them.My). My bf thinks I'm being unfair and i should just be happy for them, BTW i couldn't be happier for them but hearing about it still hurts. I feel like my bf does not truly understand where I'm coming from considering he has a child from a previous relationship , he has had all those first with his son. I know some of you will comment about his son also being mine as well, I have fully excepted his son as my own and am willing to be a mother figure to him , however he is in the middle of a custody battle for reasons I wont go into full detail about but they had him very very young and so on ...so I have never met his son in person I have only ever spoken to him over the phone . Soooo I want to know if I am being the A-Hole for not wanting to hear about my friend's pregnancy all the time. ​

zestytoast123

AITA For not wanting to hear about my friends pregnancy ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hde62/aita_for_not_wanting_to_hear_about_my_friends/

17hde62

I (20F) did laundry today I ran the washer and when I went to switch the laundry it was a little wetter than normal. I didnt think much of it and continued to put the clothes in the dryer. I emptied the lint, turned it on and walked away. A few hours later my husband (21M) came home from work and asked for a towel to shower. I was feeding our son (15months) and told him there were some fresh ones in the dryer. A few minutes later my husband yells from the laundry room that the clothes are still wet. I told him thats okay just turn it on again for a little bit and it should be dry. He again yelled even angrier that it was too wet for the dryer. Me confused how thar could happen asked him to check the lint, maybe i forgot to turn it on, he then calls back that there was lint. Okay so it did run because i emptied it before turning it on. At this point i was very confused why it was not dry, i told my husband the dryer must be broken. He angrily came upstairs and yelled at me for not letting it dry in the washing machine before turning it on. Again confused i tried to explain to him that the washer does not dry clothes. At this point he became profusely angry with me and telling me it was my fault and he shouldn’t have to hold my hand thru doing the laundry. I dont know what to do at this point because he keeps telling me i did something wrong when i dont think i did. AITA?…

Nice_Body828

AITA for not drying the clothes before putting them in the dryer

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hdfqr/aita_for_not_drying_the_clothes_before_putting/

17hdfqr

To start this off some basic things: Right after lunch in my math period(This is HS) Other kids openly eat food-Burgerville,Taco bell and other fast food joints My teacher has called me and other students insane in the past There isn't any rule against food at all!(See the sentence above) This wasn't bag of pre popped popcorn this was microwaved popcorn(Which I made during lunch) Class just started and I wasn't late or anything Now onto the story!: I hung out in another teacher's classroom which has a microwave for stuff like Ramen or leftovers to cook during lunch and today I popped popcorn in it.I cooked in the last minutes of lunch and put it on my plate so I decided I should just eat during my next period.I went in class and opened it up and poured some on my plate.No one asked me if I can give some to them/ask me for popcorn.It did not seem like an issue til my teacher came up to me and asked if I could eat my food outside in the hallway because apparently Iwas being disruptive and disrespectful to him.He also said he didn't want to clean up my mess when I had a plate and I didn't leave any crumbs at all.I went out in the hallway and asked one of my tablemates to come with me.After we left the class with my popcorn I just asked them"Did he seriously make me leave over this bag of popcorn?"She responded yes and said she'll help me finish it.After I ate my foo,I told my mom what happen and she said I was being very disrespectful and I should apologize to my teacher especially due to how much stress they're under(Starting November they'll be striking)I said that while I could see myself being rude,I won't say I am sorry due to it being fine for other people openly eating and ordering food in that class.She told me to apologize and I should focus on class instead of eating.I (albeit jokingly)told her I should put this on AITA to prove I am not going insane and now I am here...So reddit am I the asshole?

anobodyTwT

AITA?I ate popcorn during class and was sent in the hallway for it

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hdzm3/aitai_ate_popcorn_during_class_and_was_sent_in/

17hdzm3

I’m 17 and my older brother is 18. We also have a 9 year old sister and a 5 year old sister. Anyways, my brother “Max” is extremely protective of us. He’s the only boy and the oldest so everyone likes making all those “big brother” jokes and I suppose he really took them all to heart. Either way, it’s annoying. Ever since he graduated high school, he barely leaves the house. He decided to take a gap year so no college. He doesn’t hang out with his friends and I can’t even tell you if him and his gf are still dating. His day is literally wake up, drive us to school, clean the house, make lunch, pick us up from school, make us eat, then he follows us around helping us with whatever before making dinner and then putting the younger two to bed. This isn’t normal right? What’s worse is whenever I wanna go out, he interrogates me and whoever I’m with. Our dad doesn’t even care idk why he does?? He doesn’t let me do ANYTHING. Driving? Too dangerous. Baking? Too dangerous. Going out with my boyfriend? Too dangerous. Go jogging? Too dangerous. Mom and dad are busy with work so they aren’t really seeing it, but I know they’re seeing something because mom always jokes about how he doesn’t have to clean the house every day or that he needs to get a life. She only gets mad when he tries to correct her or when they argue over my littlest sister’s bedtime routine or diet. Typing that out was so weird. The other day I was rearranging my closet and my brother comes in to ask what I’m doing. I tell him and he doesn’t seem to care. But he doesn’t leave and tells me he can do it for me if I’d like. I tell him no thanks. He says okay but doesn’t leave and every time I folded something or hung something up, he’d redo it. There’s literally no difference. I completely lost it when he literally snatched a sweater out of my hands while I was folding it. I snatched it back and told him to fuck off and rearrange his own fucking closet. He was all like “I just wanna help” and I told him that no one wants his help and to please stop acting like a loser. Mom and dad heard my yelling and came in. Max told them he’s just trying to help and I think he started crying so mom and dad obviously took his side because he never cries. They told me to watch myself and be more appreciative of him but they don’t get it because they’re never home to see it. But now I’m in trouble and Max isn’t talking to me (he’s still hovering over me though). Plus he cried. I’m just confused. I know he’s just trying to help but I can’t be 100% in the wrong here??

jjay13A

AITA for yelling at my brother who’s just trying to help?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17he5lq/aita_for_yelling_at_my_brother_whos_just_trying/

17he5lq

I dated a guy a 2 years ago. Long story short we said we were only going to see each other but he slowly stopped texting me and calling ( we were LD ) I expressed my concern and he said it’s my fault I feel like that and that he can’t text me all the time because he has other priorities. The next day he was posting a girl on his stories saying she’s the most beautiful view and he loves her. I was really heartbroken because I thought we were going somewhere with this. Now 2 years later He’s been texting me for a couple months saying “ hey “ here and there and asking how I been and he’s sorry for everything “ I’m not responding because I have nothing to say to him and I’m seeing someone else. I part of me feels wrong since they’re apologizing I should respond. Weirdly at the same time I have another “ex” reaching out to me to….. A guy a dated around 6 months ago that was honestly really crappy he’s the only guy that insulted me called me “ crazy and a shittier “ for eventually not talking to him because he was late to every date said he was going to get me flowers and never did etc. He was all talk. I gave him a lot of changes for some reason… Now he’s been texting me and calling saying “ sorry for how I treated you I miss you and I hope we can talk and come to a reasonable solution. “Part of me Is scared if I don’t respond he will get upset and insult me again putting blame on me for not communicating. Should I at least tell these men I’m seeing someone else or is it okay to never text them again because they messed up and lost access.

GetIntoTheHabit

AITA for not responding to texts from ex’s apologizing to me ?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17he7yn/aita_for_not_responding_to_texts_from_exs/

17he7yn

So for context: my husband lost his job and we had to move in with his family while we build up enough move to back into our place. G=Grandma. I(20/f) husband(22/M) So my husband’s G has always had something to say about everything. When it came to how I dressed down to my parenting style. My son was a Nicu baby. He was a very healthy baby but he was super tiny when he came out, only 3 pounds. So he had to stay until he was a proper weight. When he got home, I constantly heard about how he was catching a cold (he wasn’t), how he’s super stuffy, how I need to take care of him in general. I appreciate any help and tips but then there is G. She always has a comment about something…but won’t say them to me Me and my husband were having a conversation about how G didn’t like my friends and would talk crap about them. I was laughing about it and playfully asked if she ever talks about me. He got super quiet. I asked it again but more serious. He then tells me about how she says that all I do is sleep and avoid my son. For more context, I’m up all night with my son cuz I’m super paranoid of everything then when around moon comes I crash and my husband watches him for about 3 hours until I wake up. This extremely pissed me off. For all the mess I put up with, I’m a bad mother for sleeping. I asked my husband if he thought I was a bad mother and he comforted me and told me I was doing all I could for our son. So I started avoiding her. Then yesterday was the end of me playing nice. Yesterday I had to take my mother to doctors. I hesitant about leaving him with my husband G but he said it was fine. I take my mom then come back, I notice in his baby bottle…..apple juice. Earlier in the day she was trying to say my son was constipated (he wasn’t) and to give him apple or prune juice. We told her no and left. I was beyond pissed and took my son to my SIL house. Comes to find out, the juice was rotten. I told my husband I can’t live in a place I’m disrespected and packed our bags. AITA for wanting to leave with our son. I feel like I maybe the a-hole for taking our son away from his father because he won’t leave with me. I don’t want to punish my husband.

Busy_Alarm9584

WIBTA for wanting to leave and take my son with me

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17he9s1/wibta_for_wanting_to_leave_and_take_my_son_with_me/

17he9s1

My niece (13) was at my house and found some chocolate meal replacement shakes my husband brings with him to work. They don't have any weird supplements or anything just protein and vitamins. She asked to try one so I said sure and she liked it so she finished it. She also ate some popcorn and other stuff. I in no way forced her to drink it or told her she couldn't have other food (she did). This is important because my SIL is acting like I was. Anyway I guess she asked SIL if she could get some and SIL is PISSED at me. Like called me screaming asking if I was trying to give her child disordered eating and it doesn't matter if she's a little overweight. I explained niece just wanted to try it and she said I shouldn't be pushing diet problems on children and what would I do when I have daughters and who knows what could be in those etc. She was just absolutely livid. Anyway I hung up on her and when my husband got off shift he called his brother. His brother said SIL was just trying to be very positive and maybe overreacted. I texted her and apologized for giving niece something like that without telling her and she said come back to me when you've done research into the harm of pushing diet products on teen girls and bla bla bla. At this point I'm just kind of done. AITA?

Ok_Anywhere6547

AITA for giving my niece a meal replacement shake

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17he9sk/aita_for_giving_my_niece_a_meal_replacement_shake/

17he9sk

I (18F) and my dad (50M) have had a rough relationship for about a year and a half now, almost two. When I was young, I was a huge dad’s girl and I never really developed a close relationship with my mom, so you can already assume that he was literally the one person I’ve trusted my whole life. A little short story that will be beneficial to the story, being the naive girl I was back then, I had my first ever boyfriend at 14. He was my age as well and we were friends for quite awhile before he asked me out. Long story short, my aunt found out and snitched on me! My dad confronted me about it and said I was too young and of course I agreed. The night of the confrontation, I broke up with that ex boyfriend because I valued my dad and I’s relationship. The ex didnt take it well so I didnt feel too bad about it after, he expected a lot from me that I just couldn’t give and didn’t realize how important my dad and i’s relationship was to me. A few minutes after, I told my dad that it was over between him and I and he went from ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder, to acting like it never happened! Fast forward to a year ago, my boyfriend of 1 year ( I was 17 and he was 18 at this time ) was flying to me and needed help with finding a place. Just a note, my dad was aware that we’ve been dating and initially, he didn’t take it too well, but I really liked this guy, so I didn’t end things so quickly like before. It took him 6 months of non-stop asking to say Yes and I was happier than ever. During his stay, it was the worst possible experience between my dad and I. He would never want to talk to my bf when I really wanted him to so that he can get to know him and realize how much of a keeper he was. Many things happened, my dad called me a whore ( in his exact words: “what are you, a whore? ) after accidentally falling asleep beside my bf one night. He always made sure I knew he was dissapointed in me, but gave me the cold shoulder when I asked what’s wrong. My bf bought my dad a coffee maker knowing he was a coffee addict, but still no progress. Just a “thanks” and shut us both out. I feel bad because I know my bf is trying and he’s achieving nothing. I’m just drained and tired of apologizing when I get nothing in return. It’s like my apologies are just running off a cliff. I’ve stopped apologizing for a few months now and let time heal us, but I don’t think I ever see my relationship with my dad going back to the way it was. I understand that I wasn’t 18 yet and he was just new to the whole me dating somebody, but I think the insults and telling everybody our business from HIS pov were too far. Nobody ever asks me what happened because i’ve been painted as the bad guy and him, the innocent dad who has a bratty daughter. It affects me a lot, knowing I lost one of my biggest trust and support factors. He uses the excuse that he’s scared that my bf will cheat on me ( even after 2 years of dating… ). Should I try apologizing again?

elxrtrbl

AITA for not wanting to apologize to my dad again?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hebkp/aita_for_not_wanting_to_apologize_to_my_dad_again/

17hebkp

Obligatory apology for length and formatting, I'm on mobile. So for backstory, my little sister (22f) and me (24f) grew up in a very unstable environment, not the greatest parental situation. After basically being kicked out at 18 (I had to be out asap and ended up in temporary housing), I still saw her almost every week. And then I got sick. For months it was a mystery as to why I was constantly in excruciating pain, and the support from my family was entirely missing, basically unless I came to them, I barely saw them. I spend days stuck in my bed, alone, crawling to the bathroom because walking hurt too much. On bad weeks I didnt eat anything but non-perishables because if I walked downstairs from my bedroom to get food from the fridge or cook, the pain would be so debilitating that I would have to sleep on the couch that night in the hopes I'd have enough strength in the morning to get back upstairs. On my good weeks, when I could actually be out of the house, I'd spend nights at her place. I shared some of the struggles with her, but would keep the heaviest details to myself, as most of the time, my pain got made light off by both her and my parents. Our shared weekly plans fell through more and more as I got weaker and weaker, until I finally got a diagnosis, got treatment and started the road to a healthy body again. Only for my little sister to casually mention one day a couple of weeks after my diagnosis that both she and my parents thought I was faking my pain up until my diagnosis. And as much as I tried to leave that behind, it still haunts me that I was going through physical hell and even my little sister didn't believe me, and thought that it was okay to just casually mention this. Contact became less after this, but not non-existent. At 21 years old, and after multiple last straw attempts at reconciliation, I cut contact with my mother completely. This put a strain on the entire family, but was honestly the single best thing I ever did for myself. However, because I was starting to unpack a lot of things about our past, I became a lot more harsh on my mother and while it would've probably been better to keep this away from my sister, we ended up discussing these things often when we spoke. We clashed, she had forgiven my parents for everything and tried to justify their actions any time anything came up, while I was very much still unraveling all the stuff that wasn't okay growing up and angry about the choices my mother made. She told me she didn't want to discuss the past anymore, so that's where we left that. Contact was low but semi regular. Then, I became sicker again. Even though the original illness was resolved, the physical decline of not being able to move for most of the 9 months I spend undiagnosed started a chain reaction that I'm still trying to catch up on. With that comes a ton less energy. I once again, most days cannot be outside of my home because walking is near impossible some days. When I started getting worse, my contact with the outside world once again declined, and most attempts at contacting me fell flat because I was honestly too ill to hold conversation. And while I told my little sister that I was physically doing worse and worse, and that I was trying but unable, contact fizzled out again. Texts every so often, calls that usually ended up coming on bad illness days while I was sick in bed so they didn't last more than a couple of minutes because I was too sick to think.... I honestly wish I had had more energy to be a sister, but I didn't have enough energy to even function most days. Then, when things went south with my mother's health earlier this year, my sister took off work and went to stay with my parents to support them. By the time my mother died, she had been in the hospital for over a month, and my sister had been there by her side for a few weeks, although I don't know the exact timeline as I was not told anything. A few days before her death, I got informed she was in the hospital and very unlikely to survive, but I declined to go see her, and told my sister I would travel up to see her and my dad if she didn't make it. And that's what happened. She passed two days after I got the call she was sick. Tensions were high around the funeral, everyone was grieving and some fights happened that could've been avoided with better communication from both sides but I guess wouldn't have been relationship ending, except for one thing. I cut my mother off because she was a very manipulative woman that honestly caused way more harm than good in my life, and after spending a long time around her, my little sister started showing very similar behavior after the funeral. I tried really hard to be supportive, but when every interaction you have with a person becomes something you have to deeply unpack because they somehow turn everything into a flaw of yours, when the jokes you've been telling them for a decade were not okay get thrown around again even after telling her that this is not funny and to stop... It's really hard to supportive of a person who seems to want to break you down when she doesn't feel well, and that person is actively grieving. After the funeral and couple of weeks spend with our dad (aprox. 5 months ago) we saw eachother once when visiting family. After our visit, we were waiting on transport to our respective houses, and while we were waiting she started judging my way of pain relief while implying that I did not need it. I kept my cool, I said goodbye when she got to her stop, got home and broke down. I honestly stopped reaching out first which was on me, but this situation just was the straw that broke the camels back. I honestly didn't mean to ghost her at first, when she texted me, I wanted to open them but to be honest, besides from my S/O's texts (who I live with so very low effort texts) I didn't open any texts because there was no room for anything in my life but survival, as I've been having major flare-ups for months now. This went from one text, to two, to a bunch of them, to a very loaded one with heavy feelings of anger and frustration towards me. Telling me how she has been going through a rough time and health scares and that she needed me, that she now does want to talk about our past again. I'm at a point in my life where I'm finally putting myself first after a childhood full of neglect and everything being more important than my needs. I am not in any space to be of any help, especially not when the person asking for help completely forgets the fact that I'm still 24/7 quite extensively disabled, and still declining. In the time between the funeral and us leaving our parental home, she constantly belittled my pain, insinuated that I was overreacting when it came to my symptoms because of the fact that they fluctuate, took out her grief on me, and judged me very openly on every measure I took to make my illness more liveable. She was mean to me after our mother's funeral, she judged me for the ways I wanted to help my dad when he fell apart after our mother's death but also judged him for falling apart. Eventually, when the emotionally loaded message came in, I made a conscious decision to not respond for my own well-being and hers. I cannot currently make enough energy to properly address this with her, and even if I could, I'm not sure I would anymore at this point. She is asking for the same support I so desperately needed when I was sick, alone in a house in the middle of nowhere, but didn't get because they didn't believe me. And that, while actively once again, ignoring the fact that I've been completely disabled by illness to the point I cannot take care of myself, my partner has to take care of me. So reddit, Am I the asshole for ghosting my little sister?

Dontaskwontanswer

AITA for ghosting my little sister after our mother died?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hehhe/aita_for_ghosting_my_little_sister_after_our/

17hehhe

Before my brother went to jail, he asked me to look after his dog. I noticed that the dog seemed overweight and took her to the animal hospital where she is registered. Her vet said she has indeed gained a lot of weight since her last check up and then told me to feed her Royal Canin's weight management food. I did as he instructed, fed her the prescribed food and also gave her longer play sessions(she was a really good girl during her visit so I bought her a new toy at the animal hospital as a reward). She lost the extra weight and is now in good shape. When my brother was released though, he got upset. It turns out she is now refusing to eat what he used to feed her. He said I should have just stuck with extra exercise and cheaper weight loss food, or asked him first before switching her diet to something more expensive. Am I the asshole for not asking him first?

Napasse

AITA for switching my brother's dog's diet to a more expensive one?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hehrp/aita_for_switching_my_brothers_dogs_diet_to_a/

17hehrp

I wanna start off by saying I love and have tattoos, so does my partner. But I love *good* tattoos. My partners cousin is an apprentice who has done about 4 or 5 tattoos. He’s not terrible, but he’s also not very good at all. Wobbly lines that don’t connect, very scratchy colour… which is fine bc he’s learning. We all start somewhere. But my partner randomly said they want to get a tattoo from him (tomorrow) and it’s only $50. At first I thought, 50 bucks?! Count me in too! Then I saw his work and got a little worried. I asked what my partner wanted and they said the classic mom heart shoulder tattoo with the banner and flowers coloured red. I said maybe they should do something simpler bc I don’t think his skill level is there yet. It turned into a discussion with a lot of tension. I feel bad bc I don’t want to tell them what they can and can’t do, but I also don’t want them to get a shitty tattoo, especially if it’s in tribute to their mom. I said they should maybe think about it a little longer and not jump the gun just yet. Or get something small and save that tattoo for someone a little more skilled, a shoulder is good real estate and you wouldn’t want to waste it on a shitty tattoo. They weren’t very happy with that response and gave me the, “fine I won’t get anything. I hate when you get like this.” I don’t really know how to feel. I mean it’s their life and they can do what they want. But they tend to jump into things without thinking. And maybe I need to live a little and be more spontaneous, but tattoos are permanent and you wouldn’t want to waste good tattoo real estate on a shitty tattoo that’s going to fade and fuzz. Especially a tribute tattoo.. I just don’t want them to end up hating or being embarrassed by it. What do you think?

notherthrowaway223

AITA for not wanting my partner to get a tattoo?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17heiaq/aita_for_not_wanting_my_partner_to_get_a_tattoo/

17heiaq

I am a mom to 1 kid (1 deceased) and a wife. I love my family, but they stress me out at times. At work, my boss, "Kevin," and the VP "Sandra" told me we are doing performance-based layoffs. We plan to lay off either "Danielle" or "Kyle" because they are bad at their jobs. I've been at this company for 25+ years and I am well loved and respected so I don't think I'll be let go, but who knows? I am the only source of income in my family. My daughter is 24 and seems stuck and lost in her career after being laid off 2 months ago, and my husband is 60 and doesn't work. He invests and has passive income, but I'm the only one with a real job and benefits. My daughter said, "Today, I decided I will go with Career Path 1, succeed in that career, get a good network, and save money, and then go back to school for 1-2 years for Career Path 2." My husband said, "No way does that schooling only take 1 year; it's gonna take at least 2. And when you are old, like 30 or 40, you don't learn as fast and won't have the stamina to keep up with the young people." Then my daughter and husband just started screaming at each other - my husband has a condescending tone when he talks, and it sets me off too. I exclaimed to my daughter, "What are you doing?" She said, "Oh you know I've done 13 interviews after I've been laid off even though I hate my career path." I don't know. I feel badly for my daughter but I don't have the money or bandwidth to support her. She just seems to have so many issues and no resolution. My daughter said that she's going to reach out to "Edith," a career coach she liked who charges $50/hour, because she likes Edith and Edith has mentored her for free before, that she's going to go to therapy twice a month ($20/session), and that she wants to get tested for psych disorders ($20). I'm worried about our family's financial future. My daughter's 24 and doesn't have a career yet, though her last job was high paying ($85K). My husband and I don't own a house and have rented all of our lives. My siblings won't let me live with them, and our rent is currently nearly $3k/month.

Pure_Reflection4602

AITA for exclaiming at my daughter "what are you doing" after she argued with her dad?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hej2n/aita_for_exclaiming_at_my_daughter_what_are_you/

17hej2n

I'm getting married this year, and asked a close high school friend to be in my wedding party. We've been friends for a long time, see each other almost every other week, and generally get a long super well and have never fought until now. Since high school, she's always been a yo-yo dieter and will cycle through gaining weight and losing weight. This is something that I have never talked to her about, nor do I have a strong opinion about as it's her body. The most I get involved is that when she brings up trying exercise more, I'll invite her out on hikes with me, walks, etc. When I asked her to be my bridesmaid, she was ecstatic, and everything was great until she mentioned to me that she bought her bridesmaid dress three sizes smaller than her current size. She said that my wedding was going to be a great motivator to lose weight. Three sizes was quite aggressive in my opinion, as it would put her in a weight that she hasn't been in since college. I didn't say anything though as I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. After a couple of months of seeing no progress though, I quietly bought her the same exact dress in a larger size. Come this past week, she called me in tears saying that she didn't think that she could fit into her bridesmaid dress and felt horrible for ruining the dress code. The one she picked was now sold out, and she was panicking that she couldn't get another dress in time. It was at this time that I mentioned I actually bought her the same dress in a different size, and was happy to gift it to her free of charge since she already paid for the first one. When she heard this, she blew up and accused me of being a bad friend for never believing in her. She said that my doubt was offensive and that I must have been planning for this to happen. I told her that I just cared about her, and obviously wouldn't have mentioned the dress if she had lost the weight. But she herself brought up that she couldn't fit in her current dress, so I wasn't sure what she's mad about. She's now threatening to drop out of the wedding party, and some of our mutual friends think I was kind of an AH for not being supportive enough. But I also don't know what they expected me to do either.

Fluffy-Koala4094

AITA for buying my bridesmaid a backup dress in case she couldn't fit into the one she chose?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hepgv/aita_for_buying_my_bridesmaid_a_backup_dress_in/

17hepgv

I 19F got an argument with my dad recently for telling him my step father is a better father than he is. For context my dad is a workaholic man and doesn't find time to spend with me for the past and when my mom found out that he is cheating on her with a woman he met online she divorced him immediately . She met my step father 2 years later and they were inseparable since then. He himself has a daughter 10 years younger than me and when he met me he spends time with me like a dad that i craved all this . Fast forward to when my father found out that my mother found someone else he was beyond pissed at my mother and me for not telling him. He argued with my mother and ask if he was a great in bed and i got pissed at him for asking my mom that when he is the one cheated on her so, in the midst of the argument he ask me if my step father was a better father and i answered him "Yes,he was a better father than you. He made me feel what child with father feels like." He got mad at me and stormed out. I got carried away when I answered him that and I don't know what to do. So am i the asshole?

Lucky-Huckleberry-44

AITA For telling my father that my step father is a better dad than he is?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hesf8/aita_for_telling_my_father_that_my_step_father_is/

17hesf8

I have been very close friends with a girl for 14 years. Let’s call her Betty. We went to high school together. Lived together all 4 years of college. We have been through a lot together and up until now have had a very happy, supportive friendship. We text or see eachother at least once a week for the past 9 years. I got engaged 18 months before my wedding date and so I fully admit I messed up by informally asking too soon. It was casual and not a maid of honor “proposal”, but I did ask. That was 7 months ago. Since I asked, I would say we have hung out maybe 2 times. I noticed in June that Betty had gotten very distant. I organize alot of social gatherings with friends (going out, week night dinners, movie nights, etc) and it took me 3 months but I realized Betty was constantly finding excuses not to attend (she used to always come to everything). I got a little butt hurt so instead of addressing it I just kind of stopped inviting her to things. I figured if she wanted to hang she would initiate. We pretty much just stopped talking or seeing eachother after this. A few months ago I found out through snap chat maps that Betty was seeing her ex boyfriend from college again. Let’s call him Brad. Me and Brad do not get along. He was a horrible boyfriend to Betty for 3 years and he cheated on her multiple times with multiple girls. He then dumped her after college and she was left heartbroken for 4 years. He was heavily cheating on her by the time he dumped her. She never got over him but that’s probably because Brad would snap chat her once a week (she would respond and he wouldn’t). She met with him 2 years ago thinking he wanted to get back together but in reality he wanted to apologize to her for lying about all the cheating. Well now they’re back together and it took her 6 months to tell me. The timeline of Betty getting back together with Brad aligns perfectly with when she stopped hanging out with me. AITA for not wanting her to be my MOH anymore? Frankly, I don’t really want her in the wedding because if we don’t talk I don’t think there is a need for you to be a part of my wedding day in that way. I don’t really see us getting past this but I’m scared that I have her in the wedding and our relationship doesn’t get better. OR I don’t have her in the wedding and our relationship does get better and then I just suck. I did reach out to get dinner in 2 weeks because I think I owe her a convo if she’s not in the wedding

porkchop3144

AITA for changing my maid of honor and potentially not having her in wedding

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hesfo/aita_for_changing_my_maid_of_honor_and/

17hesfo

I’m a 25(M) I split rent with my parents & I would give money for groceries when needed. I indulge in smoking cannabis and I understand it has an auroma. They complained of the smell but I never smoked in the house. I smoke in my car, spray myself with cologne and go straight to the shower to bathe and change my clothes and go straight to my room. Our household has children in it and I understand setting an example. I assumed the children were young enough so they shouldn’t know the difference between the smell of weed or just a plain body stench, right? AITA?

JJETTASNOTJJETTAS

AITA? Smelling like Weed

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hevc7/aita_smelling_like_weed/

17hevc7

theres a lot of context here😅. back when I (f18) was in the 4-5th grade I had made a joke trying to convince my friends that i was an undercover spy and that my real name was Alex. i was about 10 at the time so ofc it was a stupid joke mad by a little kid. my friends had played along with it (knowing it was a joke) and from that moment forward they called me Alex as an inside joke. the joke went around the class and not too long after everyone had started to call me that name. middle school came along and i ended up going to the same school with some of my friends and classmates so the name stuck around. it came to the point where it was barely even a joke anymore and they just called me Alex as a nickname/ second name. fast forward to now, im currently a senior in hs and still friends with a couple of ppl from the same friend group from when i was 10. i still use Alex as not only my name but a name i introduced myself as (unless the person im talking to requires to know my legal name). every friend that i have is either from 5 grade or from my theater program (outside of school). the program in question is completely free and is something i dont have to pay for out of pocket, the only thing they ask for is DOB, name, any alias, and parental contact info. my friends from theater know me solely by Alex, its what i introduced myself as, and its what im used to as ive been called it for the past 8 years. i was hanging out with them after a class we had, eating, and i was telling them a story about what happened with my mom. i had repeated what my mom had said (a sentence that included my legal name) and off they were confused. i casually told them about the whole situation and one of my friends stated that it felt like i lied to her. another said that he was just surprised. i told this to some of my other buddies and even tho they understood me using the name they also think that i shouldve told them about it being an alias when we first met. AITAH?

ap_rival_

AITAH for not telling any of my friends my legal name?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hevla/aitah_for_not_telling_any_of_my_friends_my_legal/

17hevla

For 11 years, I have been begging my parents to watch my favorite show (The Walking Dead and, of course, all of the Spinoffs) with me. Not to watch it on their own, but to watch it WITH me. Like, spend time on the couch watching it with me. For 11 years, the answer has been no. We just moved to a new state, so now that we're all in a new place and don't have our things going on aside from work and school, we have much time to spend with each other. So they finally said yes to watching my favorite show with me, and they loved it, like I knew they would. I can't get them to chill out with it, though. It's mostly my mom. My dad does what we want. I work full-time and go to school full-time. So I only have a little free time, which I spend most of with my parents. I want to watch the show with them, I do. I've only begged them to watch it with me for 11 years. But I don't want to and can't watch it every night. I need time to myself, and I need time to do homework. I have devised a schedule that allows time for everything and where we all can compromise, but my mom refuses to. Every discussion about it ends in an argument and ends with me feeling like I have to give up all of what little free time I have. My dad just got a new job that will take him away from home for about a year, maybe a year and a half. He'll be home for a couple of days here and there. So it'll just be me and my mom, and unfortunately, my dad will have to watch the show separately. We watch it at night, so we can watch it together in different places like we did when he was away training for this new job. She said that she wants to be able to watch the show on her own when I can't watch it with her. My schedule would give me Mondays and Tuesdays for school, and she'd watch a different show or a movie on her own (I even offered to have her come down to my living room and watch whatever she wanted so she wouldn't be alone). We can watch the show on Wednesdays or go to a movie (we have discount movie nights on Wednesdays and usually do that on those days). On Thursdays, we can watch the show during dinner, and then I can do my own thing. And on Friday and the weekends, we can watch as much of the show as she wants because I have the rest of Friday night and most of Saturday and Sunday to do what I want. We usually do stuff with her new friends during the mornings, but I usually have the rest of the day to myself. I feel like this is a reasonable, if not slightly confusing, and over-complicated schedule that allows everyone to get some of what they want. We watch the show and hang out together. I get my days for school, and I get time to myself. She is not happy with this schedule. I told her I didn't want her to watch it alone because I wanted to watch it with her. I just can't every night. I need to have time to myself, too. Now she's mad at me. I feel like absolute crap. I love her and want to spend time with her. Am I the asshole?

Temp_9282

AITA for not wanting to watch a show with my mom every night?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hezbp/aita_for_not_wanting_to_watch_a_show_with_my_mom/

17hezbp

My Bf (23M) and I(19F) were on a call going over details for this weekend. After getting my costume today, he got upset that I had an outfit and he didn’t. I explained that I have been wanting this outfit regardless because I like to cosplay, and if I didn’t order it that day then I wouldn’t have anything at all (last year was a mess because he had a $200 anakin costume and I had to last minute diy a padme outfit). I explained that I have been asking for weeks what he has wanted to do because he thought all of my ideas were lame. He then suggested him being a doctor and me being his mental patient. I got a little offended at this because I had suggested doing the operation game (denied) last time I saw him, and he often mentions my mental health problems (which we both have). I told him that I didn’t like that he suggested that, and I told I’m not dressing up as an insult to myself. He then went back to how my costume and my ideas were lame and “geeky” and started to yell at me. We’re on call, so the volume of his voice was debatable, but it was clear he was getting frustrated. I have a lot of problems with being yelled at due to childhood trauma, and he knows this, but usually I can handle it. I urgently told him to stop yelling at me and that I will not be yelled at by him. He explained he started yelling because I had cut him off 3 or 4 times within half a sentence, but I hadn’t opened my mouth. I said that maybe one of our sides were lagging because that is a frequent problem. He then told me to stop gaslighting him and calling him abusive. I was very confused at this comment so I said “I’m just setting a boundary. I shut down when I’m yelled at, especially when I don’t believe I did anything wrong.” I also explained that I never called him abusive, but he said I was insinuating it because I set a boundary. I explain how that didn’t make sense, and he followed it up with “setting a boundary means it has happened repeatedly.” I told him that was not the case and I just have childhood trauma from it. He said that we weren’t talking about the past and that has nothing to do with what we were talking about, but I said it did because that is why I told him to stop yelling. The moment it had started, I was already shaking and could barely get a sentence out. He told me then that it was my own problem and something I need to work on because he doesn’t have any issues asking someone to stop nicely. He followed this all with “is this relationship even worth it?” He then said I should apologize for telling him to stop yelling at me and to take accountability for the fact I cut him off when I don’t believe I did, and I believe if it sounded like it was a technological error which I already said could have been from both or either side, and I had apologized if it sounded like I had cut him off. I am currently in tears because I don’t know if what I said was wrong. I’m just very confused and not sure what to think. AITAH?

YikesThatsTuff_19

AITAH for telling my boyfriend to stop yelling at me?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17heze7/aitah_for_telling_my_boyfriend_to_stop_yelling_at/

17heze7

Hi. The title sounds cold, but I am sincerely not sure what the right thing to do is in this case. I (17f) live with my mom (53f) and sister. Sister isn't really relevant. My mom pays for a woman "Adi" (50f) to come clean the house once a month. She has been coming for about 5 months now. I do not see her often but always say hi when I do (probably 3 times max). We do not have a close relationship. I have an okay relationship with my mom. We are not close on a personal level because I grew up with her berating me on the phone to anyone that would listen. She would just always say I'm being bad all the time. I was raised watching the TV and never had that tender love you see on it. I only got tough love and basically she always took it personal and defensive if I ever cried. (This is ever since I could remember. Like 4 years old) If I ever cried for any reason I'd be told to shut up and stop being dramatic). I do love my mom, but a result of how she raised me is that I NEVER tell her anything about my personal life. I don't feel that it would stay with between us so I just don't confide in her for anything. I very much hate when she blabs to random people about my personal life. Onto the issue: Adi lost her son. My mom came to me spilling all the details of his death and the fact that Adi was going to take time off from work. Today, Adi came over. When I saw her I greeted her with my usual Hi, which she reciprocated in a friendly manner and continued on working. Later on, my mom asked me if I said anything to her about her son. I looked at her and told her that I said hi to her and did not mention her son. My reasoning being that Adi herself never disclosed that information to me. I felt I would be very disrespectful to bring it up especially while she is working and we do not have a close relationship. My mom said I NEED to say something and that its rude not to. I stood firm that it's rude to bring it up. If it were me, I sure as hell would not want people coming up to me at work about something extremely personal as it would cause me to cry and give me a lot of grief while I'm just trying to get through my day. Now, taking my relationship with my mom into consideration, I understand that I may have a very warped and wrong viewpoint about these things. So I could definitely use some insight and point of views that aren't my own (Unfortunely I do not trust my mom's judgement). Please let me know your thoughts.

ThrowRA_accountz

AITA For not offering my condolences to the woman who cleans the house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hf07x/aita_for_not_offering_my_condolences_to_the_woman/

17hf07x

all mid 20s I started dating my boyfriend about a year ago and have gotten pretty close with his friends from college as well (mostly girls). We all go out drinking somewhat regularly, and as girls do, they like taking pictures of everyone while we're out I've never been a social media person, I've never been a huge partier either but they're fun and we have a good time. Recently a new app came out (Lyse? Something like that) that's apple only and I'm the only one with an Android, so I can't see it. I know it's a public feed like Instagram, but there are also private feeds as well. I guess it makes your picture look like a disposable camera My boyfriend showed me a picture of me drunk on the app, and it bothered me until I clarified that it was his private feed, not public. But it's still making me uncomfortable to think our friends could be posting pictures of me while we're getting hammered to an app I have no access to/no way of knowing who does have access to it. I'm not sure about to go about this one. I don't want to have to ask to look at someone's phone the next day to view everyone's feed, but we've all taken some doozies of each other in the past and I guess I liked being able to check that nothing crazy got posted. That being said, they're all enjoying themselves and it feels a little accusatory of me to imply they'd post something I wouldn't approve of (tbf, no one has). It's one thing to have this conversation with my boyfriend, not sure if it's something to bring up to his friends or if I'd be the asshole telling people what to do with their own phones

mygotothrowawayxd

WIBTA for asking my friends not to post pictures of me to their social media that I don't have access to

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hf441/wibta_for_asking_my_friends_not_to_post_pictures/

17hf441

I (18F) started my first year of college this August, but I live with my family. My father (48M) lost his job a year ago, and he has yet to get a new one. My mother (45F) was unable to work. During my senior year of high school, I started working full-time to pay the bills for my 12-person household. When I was in high school, I struggled with an eating disorder. My active recovery has led to some lasting side effects, including the inability to stomach red meat. I am unsure why this is; I just can’t handle it. Whenever my family makes meals I cannot eat, I usually get a text message warning me to get food after my classes. There have been little to no issues with that. A week ago, I came home to find that my mother had prepared a meal I could not eat. I asked her if she forgot to message me, and she said she “thought about it, but decided \[I\] needed to lose weight anyway.” I got angry and told her that was very upsetting, especially when she knew how badly I struggled with those topics. I didn’t know how to react, so I left the kitchen to hide in my room. Eventually, my mother came upstairs angry. She yelled at me, saying I was selfish for wasting my family’s limited money on my special diet and refusing to eat what she had prepared. She added that I shouldn’t be paying for a higher education since my parents did not have degrees, and they turned out fine. I told her I had hoped to get into medical school for a long time, and I wouldn’t give that up because my parents couldn’t support themselves. She said I was only wasting her money, and if it continued, she would need to kick me out. I said I had done more than my share in helping this family by paying to support us, and they couldn't last without me. She claimed it was my responsibility to give them my earnings because they raised me, and that if she kicked me out she would still expect me to continue paying for their bills. I told her I would never do that and left for a walk to relieve stress. We have barely spoken since. I understand how tight our financial situation is, and I know why she could be upset to see money go to waste. But also, I don’t believe I did anything wrong. AITA for wasting the money I made on my picky eating habits and college education?

Possible_Ask_4689

AITA for wasting money when my parents don't have jobs?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hf9bd/aita_for_wasting_money_when_my_parents_dont_have/

17hf9bd

This all happened about six months ago, but still bothers me. I (29 x) am currently in college for writing. I have two professors I work with in my program. One professor, who we'll call Jane is cool and really supportive of my work being unconventional, the other, let's say Sam, from the beginning has pushed me to fit my work into a box. From day one, Sam has put limits on my writing that she doesn't apply to the other students in the program. She has talked about how approachable she is and how she can be trusted without really showing it, including asking me why I have official documentation for my disability when she felt I could have just asked her for accommodations. At one point, in an independent meeting with Sam, she said to me that I have to "pick a side" with my writing if I want to be successful in this program, which I took as "if you don't change you're going to fail". It may be me overthinking, but I ended up asking Jane to meet with me to discuss my progress and if I should be doing things differently. Jane and I talked about my work and if I felt I was getting the support I needed. I mentioned the comment from Sam and how I wanted to ask for clarification, but found her intimidating, as when I had previously asked for help she wasn't very helpful. For example, we had a paper due and I emailed Sam about the formatting, noting that the syllabus talked about subject matter, but not format, and she pointed me back at the syllabus more than once. Since Jane had worked with Sam for a while, I figured she might have some advice on the best way to approach Sam and share my concerns. Jane then offered to email Sam to set up a time for Sam and I to meet and discuss. An hour after Jane sent the email, Sam emails me that she wants to clear something up, asking to talk to me on the phone. She calls me, and starts talking about how “betrayed” she felt that I talked to her colleague, that I embarrassed her and she doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t just talk to her. When I said I find her intimidating she responds that “that’s a \[me\] problem.” I tried to tell her that I want to be a good student and impress her with my writing, and she says “that’s bullshit.” She says I am her “most difficult student” and I’m “asking for too much” and I mention I’m autistic and have additional needs, and she responds that I “need to stop using autism as an excuse.” After 20 minutes, I tell her I need to get off the phone because I’m headed into work and she ends by saying I “need to stop blaming others for \[my\] problems and take accountability”. I can see how Sam might be upset that I talked to her colleague, but I went to Jane asking for advice because I didn’t know how to approach Sam, which I feel like isn’t that out of the norm, and she offered to bridge the conversation for me, so I took her up on that offer. But I keep replaying that phone conversation in my head and wondering, AITA?

redacted4192

AITA for asking my professor for advice on talking to her colleague?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfacl/aita_for_asking_my_professor_for_advice_on/

17hfacl

AITA for posting the truth? I, 25F, posted a story spilling the truth about a former friend, Katy 27F. Katy, and I both staffed a college convention together for 7 years. In 2022, I volunteered to make the convention into an offical student organization. Though Katy was no longer a student, we eventually made an exception for her, while stressing to her that she would need to train someone to take over as it was a STUDENT event. Katy and I had a very clear power struggle throughout planning the event. She made several issues for the convention, including getting the convention blacklisted from a talent agency and costing us a $10,000 sponsorship, among others. Katy and I were also friends through this, but she stopped talking to me one day, telling a mutual that she "didn't like how i handled the convention". During the 2022 convention, Katy tried to get involved with another staff member, Adam (23M). Adam was not interested in Katy and did his best to make that clear to her. Regardless, she still attempted to drunkenly make out with him, made comments about wanting to be in a threesome with him, and got very angry when any other girls were involved with Adam. All while still dating and then engaged to her baby daddy. Eventually, she moved on to the brother of Adam, and the faculty advisor for the convention, Mark (31M). When I found out they were involved, Katy and her fiance broke up, but Mark was still married. I graduated and she entered grad school, thus making her eligible for a staff position. A couple weeks ago, I run into a current student. I mentioned to her that I was planning on "crashing" friendsgiving, an event that I established and was open to all that helped with the convention, alum, volunteers,students, etc. I was under no assumption that I was not invited to this event. Word got back to Katy and Mark. Mark then told Adam to talk to me about not going as "a lot of people have a bad view" on me. Today, I went to search for the convention and found I was blocked from the official account in the span of two weeks. And can you guess who runs the social media? I was tired of holding back. I posted the truth about Katy and what she did on my story. After some time, I remove the posts. Katy and Mark spam called my partner and Katy sent them a message saying that she took responsibility for blocking me, that I was unblocked, and that she wasn't the same person she was a few months ago which I would know if I talked to her instead of drunk texting her. I admit, I did drunk text Katy once as a general message I sent to all of my friends and a second apologizing for something that was not entirely my fault, but at the time I was willing to take the blame for because I hate losing people. Katy never responded to me, never tried to reach out to me, didn't even bother to tell me happy birthday. And as for being a changed person, this block was in the last two weeks. I can't post more details due to character limits, but there is a lot more.

inmyvengeanceera

AITA for posting the truth?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfbds/aita_for_posting_the_truth/

17hfbds

Hi everyone, So, she got invited to a party next week and she asked me if I wanted to go. Throughout the next days she’s been keeping me updated on where the party is and who’s going. Context: I’m not a big party person, I used to be when I was 14-16 but now i kinda don’t like drinking and, with me being very introverted, I kanda just sit and watch as I don’t feel comfortable dancing or socializing when i’m not drunk. My gf loves to dance and drink, she loves to talk to new people and the party atmosphere or “vibe” in general. Just now, she called me and asked me if I really wanted to go, to which i asked why I wouldn’t when I’ve told her all week and every time we go to parties that even if it isn’t my ideal environment I still like to accompany her to these kind of events. I asked her if she didn’t want me to go and she said “not if you’re gonna be like how you are at every other party”. I started asking more questions and all of a sudden she said “I don’t want you to go if you’re honna be a bore and throw my vibes off” (I know it sounds kinda stupid but we had this covo in spanish and I think it translates quite well.). Now, looking back at it, I realize I victimized myself. I used a “hurt” tone of voice, And you can imagine the rest, this ties to the next paragraph. Of course I haven’t told her that I only wanna go because I don’t fully trust in her, as we have had problems about her boundaries with people who very obviously want to hook up with her. (E.g: Speaking to her ex who still clearly loves her, letting other men make comments like “oh you’re so pretty” and laughing it off. Me having to tell her that she should shut them down instead of playing dumb) I get that I shouldn’t have to worry about stuff like this because a woman who truly loves me would never make me feel insecure, I also know that no matter how much i could possibly control or keep tabs on her, if she want to cheat she’ll find a way to do it. On her side, (this is all MY OPINION, not hers) I do somewhat understand her feelings of wanting me to be more social and dance and all of that, but she knows that because i’m so introverted the only way for me to achieve that is through alcohol. I believe she just wants me to have as good a time as her, but she doesn’t know how to express it. AITA for not wanting her to be in a “risky” situation in which any man can approach her while I’m not there? I know I’m insecure and probably sound like a child but please try to look at it from both our PoV’s. Thanks in advance. Edit: So, i’ve seen people not truly understanding my position on infidelity and respect to a relationship (because I was most definetely too vague) so here it goes: I understand that shutting men down is not really a safe practice due to men being generally aggresive and/or jerks to girls that reject them, specially at parties where there is alcohol involved. I did not mean the specific context of a party. Here are some examples: She is currently talking frequently to 3 dudes that have a crush / like / want to be her bf: 1.- Transfer student at uni, he started off as a normal dude yet by the third day of my gf befriending him he started with a barrage of compliments, confessions of love and flirting. She did not put a stop to it. (This was mostly done through IG). 2.- her ex. He treated her like absolute shit, typa dude that asked her for nudes and then when she didn’t send any (which to my knowledge she never did), he would try to manipulate her into feeling bad and sending them. He (IMO, SA) tried to hook up with her girl best friend, being very oppresive and persistent even after she said no multiple times. He told her he would commit toaster bath (community rules). She has told me she would block him multiple times yet after 3 days he is unblocked. 3.- Random dude that hits on her via replying to IG stories, snapchat and through her friends. She just responds to her normally. There was a situation where she was responding to snaps and I had my hand wrapped around her shoulder. She noticed my hand and told me I “ruined the picture” then took another one and i snuck my hand in again, resulting in her getting mad at me. We have talked through and fixed 1 and 3 yet I still cannot trust her due to her fixation on her ex. Everytime a woman has come close to me with intention of flirting or whatever (2 or 3 times, weve been dating 9 months now) I have immediately shut them down either by staring at my phone’s wallpaper (my gf), by straight up just ignoring them and by being extremely cold and uninterested in them. Not one of them still talks to me. I believe if I’m giving that treatment, I should recieve it too. Many of you will tell me to break up, yet I cannot bring myself to do it. I believe we can get through all of this and thus I have hung on and will continue to hang on until I can completely trust her (unless of course she does something unforgivable [unlikely]). I knew e from the start that I was always going to have people after her as she is very beautiful, but i didn’t expect to have to tell her how to give respect to our relationship. We are not highschoolers, but we are only 2nd semester at uni, so you’re not comoletely wrong. I do not feel it as “disrespect” towards me, i’m sorry if I suggested that, but I do believe she does not give our relationship the respect it deserves, although it has gotten a lot better.

Sfloress

AITA, Gf doesn’t want me to go to a party with her.

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hflh9/aita_gf_doesnt_want_me_to_go_to_a_party_with_her/

17hflh9

I apologize for my choice of word. English is not my first language. Our culture is very family oriented. My mother (75), who has been living with me (55), and my family are in a very difficult situation.My mother is a retired farmer who had to stop working in 2005 due to a health problem that made her disabled. She used to rely on us, her children, our father, and government assistance ($10/month, which is nearly useless) to cover her living expenses. She also had a bad habit of lending money to others without expecting anything in return, which drastically decreased her retirement fund.My father passed away in a car accident many years ago. My sister was the one who took care of our mother after she became disabled. My sister also had a daughter. My sister got a restraining order against the father and raised her daughter alone.Sadly, my sister passed away unexpectedly, leaving my niece, who's still in middle school, orphaned. My wife and I decided to take them in and move to our hometown, which was 700 kilometers away. We had quit our jobs earlier than planned, almost ten years prior. We became my mother and niece's only source of income for 30 years. My daughter, who was working in another city, pitched in by sending us 60% of her monthly salary. We also did some side jobs around town to make ends meet, but we can't afford a full-time job because we're in our 50s and have to care for my mother.I love my mother and niece and wanted to provide a comfortable life for them. My mother sold her land for around $8000 ten years ago. She recently checked her balance and found that it had dropped to $2000. She was enraged and accused us of stolen her money. "You've never touched that money yourself for 10 years?" my wife asked. And my mother refused to answer. Her accusations were hurtful to us. We tried to explain that we had never touched her money and had been providing for her for years. But she wasn't convinced. I feel like we've wasted our time and energy on someone who doesn't respect us. My wife and I discussed the fact that we no longer feel obligated to care for her. But after all, she is still my mother. She is old and sick, and she requires our assistance. Despite everything, I still love her. Anyway, we're thinking about leaving her and moving to the same city as our daughter. We believe it would benefit our mental health and happiness. But we also question whether we are being selfish and cruel. So AITAH if I leave and stop supporting my own mother? (My mother is not alone. She still has my older brother, who never looks after or contributes anything to her. And my younger brother, who was laid off because of the pandamic, turned into a drunkard freeloader.

trownaway494

AITAH if I abandon my disabled mother?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfmb0/aitah_if_i_abandon_my_disabled_mother/

17hfmb0

To make a long story very short, I (38M) met my husband (39M) of just under a month when we were forced to join a high school club out of punishment. He was recently moved from his home country to where we both currently live again under more than traumatic circumstances, so for a lack of better people to rely on, he attached himself to me. This made us grow close over the rest of our high school career. So close that by the end of our senior year, we ended up practically experimenting with each other regularly. To the point where I was shocked that he didn’t figure out he was interested in men until very recently. That aside, after graduating, we eventually parted ways for around 15 or so years. He had a fiancée to return to in his home country, and I had been saving up to get out of our conservative, and honestly shitty town in order to embrace myself better since I got my first job. To shorten what happened, he lived straight out of an old twisted fairytale featuring unhappiness and divorce, before deciding he had enough and re-needed a fresh start, the same year I got back from having a decade and a half full of sex, substances, and parties until i eventually got sick of everything, and couldn’t bring myself to leave my home town again after I had to return to attend my mother’s funeral. After realizing the coincidence we decided it was best he moved in with me, to both curb the cost and loneliness of northern Canada, and eventually what started out as an awkward roommate situation turned into full on elopement. The issue we’ve run into is that during my previously mentioned days of stupid decisions, I have gotten myself featured in some not so pleasant media that has been archived on the internet somewhere. I’ve managed to get the worst of the worst as far as explicit goes removed, however I can say with no confidence that there isn’t more out there. Even talking about it here is making me want to burst out in tears, so you can see why addressing it with the basically love of my life would be more than challenging. I know I’m in some capacity in the wrong for not disclosing this before he took my last name, however am I the asshole? Edit: I would like to officially clarify that in as little detail as possible; the reason I haven’t told him yet isn’t because I’m trying to hide my entire past from him. He knows about things far more embarrassing than this, and he even makes/made fun of me for it when we were roommates. So, it’s not like my past is generally a secret, it’s simply that he thinks it was wrapped up in a bow the minute I tried to let it go, and I know that is just probably not true, unfortunately.

WoeISme3592

AITA for not telling my (now) husband all of the dirty details of my past?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfo2k/aita_for_not_telling_my_now_husband_all_of_the/

17hfo2k

After my grandpa died 6 years ago, my parents started using the weekends to go to his house to get it ready to sell. They ended up staying with their friend Brian because his house was 20 mins away from my grandpa’s (no power there) and Brian is a life long friend of my dad’s. I was 17 when this started and after a while it started to hurt my feelings that they would pack up as soon as they got off work on Friday and wouldn’t return til Sun night. I would tell my mom (through tears) and she would say she’s sorry while packing her bag. A year later I’m 18 and a freshman and they’re still going every weekend. These visits went from being about my grandpa’s house to being about new friends, parties, gardens they were planting, literally building another life. I would come home to see them for an hour before they left and then stay until Sunday night sometimes not leaving until midnight so I could spend time with them (or stay til Monday and skip class). We are a close family so it was hard for me to have no time that I could see my parents and not sacrifice school. This went on for ANOTHER YEAR until covid and I was so lonely and homesick that I decided to transfer to a school at home and move back in. By then my grandpa’s house was sold and my parents were still spending every weekend at Brian’s. It started to become obvious that if anything threatened to get in the way of going to the cabin my mom would absolutely lose her shit. Combine this with my brother bringing his two kids every weekend and my parents just LEAVING. So a year ago, my dad decided he didn’t need to go to the cabin anymore and his time was better spent tending to our house which had fallen into complete disarray from a lack of effort from everyone involved. My mom basically said “ok you do that” and started going by herself. She will go for days at a time. She plants a garden every summer and uses that as her excuse. She took up painting and can only have her materials there? She took her instruments there and “that’s the only place she feels comfortable practicing.” She used to love to cook for all of us and now she only cooks at Brian’s. She also takes Brian to all of his doctor’s appointments. AITA for thinking this is insane and overstepping a boundary? They text constantly but I don’t think they’re sexually involved. She is basically having an emotional affair that my dad is aware of but doesn’t care about. Today my brother brought his kids to stay for the weekend because it’s my nephew’s birthday. My mom left on Weds and won’t be back until Sat afternoon for no reason other than to get away. AITA for thinking that she should stay at her own house and create a life she’s happy with here? She acts like she can’t be happy within the walls of our house but also would rather die than be without my dad? I hope I’ve made this clear enough but please tell me your thoughts 😵‍💫

2busydancin116

AITA for fighting with my escapist mother?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfo8a/aita_for_fighting_with_my_escapist_mother/

17hfo8a

So this happened a long long time ago, but it's always bothered me. Figured I'd make a throwaway and see what y'all have to say about it. I (20-something F) and another 20-something F moved separately into a rented house already occupied by a 30-something F. 30F was just a regular tenant like us, with no special authority over the house. We newbies were university students in biology-adjacent areas, 30F was an office worker. The house did not have a separate laundry area and it did not have a separate sink for washing clothes by hand - both of these were the norm in our area, it was just that this was an old, small house. We worked around it. 30F had family living on a cattle farm nearby, and would visit them occasionally. She believed that she was a clean person, and to that end she would carefully wash her shoes after her visits. Presumably to keep from tracking mud into the house. Problem was that because we didn't have a laundry sink she would do this in the kitchen sink, where we would also wash our dishes and prepare food. She was very proud of the fact that she took the trouble to clean the sink after washing her shoes with Jif, which was just a mildly abrasive cream-type cleaner, with no disinfectant properties. We 20Fs objected to this on hygiene grounds - due to our biology studies, we were aware of the wide range of micro-organisms present on the ground in and around farms, and were concerned that these would find their way into our sink. We also believed that the cleaning product 30F was using was completely inadequate, and said so. When 30F asked what she wanted us to do instead, because we had no laundry sink, we suggested she use a bucket outside. She did, but protested loudly during and after this process that we had made her feel like she was dirty by implying that she was unhygienic, that we were ganging up on her, how none of the previous tenants had complained, that she always cleaned the sink afterwards, and on and on. We also suggested that she keep a separate pair of shoes to wear on the farm, but that wouldn't work for her either, I don't remember exactly why. I guess 30F could have used a proper disinfectant when cleaning the sink, but on the day that this blew up, we didn't have any in the house. So, 30F had a long period of washing her shoes in the kitchen sink without incident or complaint from previous tenants. We two 20Fs had biology degrees and strong feelings about hygiene. WWTA?

Moist_Syrup_9823

AITA Objecting to housemate using kitchen sink to wash their shoes

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfo9h/aita_objecting_to_housemate_using_kitchen_sink_to/

17hfo9h

My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Together 10. Before we met, he had an affair (he was the 'other man') with his mother's best friend. He was super young (maybe 22 yo) and she was in her 40s going through a rough patch in her own marriage. Only lasted a few months- he claims mostly about the drugs and sex for him... and to make his parents mad. Fast forward 15 years, my MIL has rekindled her friendship with that friend. I thought it was icky but I stayed out of it for a while. Now my MIL lives with us. And she keeps insisting she be able to have this friend over to our home and wants us to hang out together. Get over what happened in the past. But I can't. I don't think it's a boundary I should have to budge on. She can go out all she wants with her. But why do I have to welcome her in my home with my kids and my husband? My husband thinks I'm making a big deal out of it but says it's my call to make. AITA if I tell my MIL she can't have this friend over?

Agitated790

AITA- MIL Invites Over Husbands Ex

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfpyv/aita_mil_invites_over_husbands_ex/

17hfpyv

I (24f) am marrying SO (28m) this upcoming weekend and have experienced nothing but stress and drama from the In laws. For context Holly and Cindy are SILs and Donna is MIL. Last year I got engaged with SO and was excited about having a wedding and gathering all of the family together from around the US. I am not the traditional type and assumed I'd always to a court house wedding to avoid the headache but we agreed to have a real one. I assigned Holly and Cindy to both be bridesmaids and they were excited as can be. We are all younger and so I picked out the dresses and shoes to be under 50 dollars together while also being really cute. Nobody had a problem with it and I left it at that. For more context I feel like none of the in laws have been active in being apart of the wedding planning at all. When I scheduled my wedding dress shopping day I invited Holly, Cindy, and Donna as well as a friend and a couple family members. Holly and Cindy both weren't able to come due to work but Donna said she'd come. The day of she wouldn't answer calls or texts until the last minute and said she overslept and wouldn't be coming along. A couple of months ago I planned to go take Donna to get a nice dress for the big day because she didn't have any dresses and I wanted her to feel happy and beautiful for the big day. I left her with dress, shoes, and the receipt. A month ago I checked to make sure all of the bridesmaids had gotten their dresses and shoes and were ready. 3 out of the 7 told me to buy their dresses and shoes, including Holly and Cindy. I said absolutely not, please have everything 3 weeks before the wedding or I cannot have you be bridesmaids. 1 of 3 isn't coming to the wedding and Cindy and Holly both are just guests at the wedding now. Two weeks ago I said if they still wanted to come to the bachelorette party I'd be happy to have them come and both ghosted me for a week. When they finally reached out I was hurt and just ignored them but then they started spamming me and asking if they were even allowed to come to the wedding(me ignoring them may be where IATA). I called them and we talked and squished the beef, or so I though. Tomorrow is the recital and Donna said she can't make it because she is spending the day with Cindy to go dress shopping. I told her I needed her here and she said if she gets back in time she will come but probably not. I'm now under the impression that the dress I got for Donna is going to be sent back so that they can use that money to get two dresses because I have no idea why else Donna would prioritize that over this thing before the wedding which is important. FIL is still coming and I love him to pieces but I still feel hurt that Donna has let me down a second time and well as Cindy and Holly both. I am under the impression that because I booted them from the Party MIL is mad and just isn't prioritizing us at all and instead her daughters. Is this my fault?

MentalSand1123

AITA for kicking SILs out of my bridal party?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfqeo/aita_for_kicking_sils_out_of_my_bridal_party/

17hfqeo

Some context my half sister is a year younger than me and had her second kid but I dont really have a relationship with her or my mom since her side of the family is just not people I enjoy being around. So my best friend and her husband have a kid together and since ive been in a really lucky place financially so I love helping them out and getting something nice for them and the kid and baby sit for them a couple times a week since they both work pretty hectic jobs and often have to work late into the evenings. So Ive been trying to rekindle a relationship with my mom since ive never had much contact with her since I was like 3 and my step mom took over most of work parenting me. So my mom wanted me to try build a relationship with my half sister and she suggested helping out with her son as a nice thing I could do since I already have some experience looking after kids. I told her thats different and I dont really want anything to do with her since it would be weird to try and force a sibling relation ship at this point.

Past_Captain647

AITA for spoiling my best friends kids while not wanting to be around my half sisters kids

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfqo4/aita_for_spoiling_my_best_friends_kids_while_not/

17hfqo4

Throwaway for privacy reasons. I (28F) am 5 months pregnant with my first baby with my husband (31M). Both sides of the family are really happy with the news since it's the first grandbaby of the family. Things have been rough on me, with sickness, body aches and emotions being in high gear lately. Yesterday, my SIL (25F) came over with MIL (50F) to give us some gifts. They're family heirlooms for the baby, that were at my husband's grandmother's home. We were all talking and having a good laugh when the topic of naming the baby came up, and my SIL beamed up and said "She can't wait to name that cutie pie!". This kinda took me aback. I do know, that in my husband's culture, it's the paternal aunt who names the child, but I just find it kinda odd. I'll agree that the perfect names can come out of nowhere, even my name was given to me by my late great-grandmother but the final call was my parents'. I asked SIL if she had thought of any names, and well the names she said, are not something I want for my baby for personal reasons. I told SIL "I don't like the names", to which MIL kinda gave me a stink eye and said, "Those are really beautiful names, hubby and you should think about them, considering this name will stay with your baby forever" ( even more the reason why I don't want the names ). SIL got a bit defensive and told me that she researched it from the internet and they were the prettiest names she found, to which I said "They're pretty but not something that'd go well with the last name ( we're hyphenating the baby's name with my maiden name and hubby's last name ). I think at this point a passive-aggressive argument started, for about 15 minutes until Hubby came back. Hubby and I talked after they left and he agreed that we should be the ones to decide the baby's name, but my reaction to the suggestion and the argument was just a bit harsh. AITA? Edit #1: Somebody in my DMs pointed out that I should mention this in the post. 1. The names SIL chose are beautiful, but unfortunately, there is some history related to them. She told me two names, one for a girl and one for a boy. The girl's name is the same as my ex-girlfriend from high school through my first year of college, who cheated on me. She was my first love and I don't want a constant reminder of her, whenever I see my baby. 2. The history behind the boy's name is darker. You see when MIL was pregnant with SIL, she was supposed to have another baby. She gave birth to two babies, but sadly baby #2, a boy did not make it through. The name they were supposed to give to that boy sounds eerily similar to the baby name SIL suggested, which only creeps me out, not to mention, that it's a bit of a bad omen IMO. 3. One of the reasons behind MIL's reaction as one of you pointed out has to do with the fact of how much MIL dotes on SIL. She is the miracle golden child of the family, who made it and got into medicine, which is super tough to crack in my country. Though MIL has never done anything horrendous against my husband or me, it is clear that she has a favorite child, who can do no wrong. Edit #2: Bit of an update, I called her up today, asking if we can meet. She is leaving day after tomorrow for college, so we'll meet tomorrow to talk this face-to-face. As for MIL and extd. family, there's a bit of drama going on apparently in the group chat, over the baby's name. Idk what is exactly wrong. I'll know once I open the gc. Since a lot of you are asking, the naming ritual is from the Indian Culture. My husband and I are both from India but from different regions. The region where I come from has no naming ritual of sorts, but in my husband's culture, a ceremony is done 2 weeks after the baby's birth, where the paternal aunt names the baby.

Throwaway_baby_name

AITA for wanting to name my baby instead of SIL?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfty6/aita_for_wanting_to_name_my_baby_instead_of_sil/

17hfty6

I recently got a new camera and me and my friend went to toronto to take some pics which he asked me so he can take pics. I did gave it to him but he had a drone that he didn't even offer me to use. I am still young and couldnt find a job due to my parents working in unorganized times and I have to take care of my brother. My friend always insults me about getting a job and I think I should do but I just cant because of my situation. I wanted to find a way to make money with my camera and photos, I told him he found the same website I found and said that I cant share his photos there and he wants to share it there to get money. My problem is not the fact that he is gaining money from photos that were taken using my camera, my problem is the fact that he barely shares his things with me. For example, he has a vr and drone that I never used and his vr I only played some games by doing some little arguments and then I had to play games he said. but when it comes to me I have to share. I made a instagram account which I gave him the password so he can share his drone shots but he didnt. I am good with website making and I wanted him to help but he didnt. What should I do, I know it sounds childish but I am sick of him using me

QWZynx

AITA to argue with my friend over pics

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hfwya/aita_to_argue_with_my_friend_over_pics/

17hfwya

AITH for coming home later than I originally speculated? I (29F) work in the city and need to take a ferry that has specific departure times. I get off of work at 5pm and usually take the 5:20pm ferry. Will also preface that we moved recently to a new city and I don’t have friends other than my coworkers so when I get a chance to stay and hang with them, I want to take the opportunity since I don’t interact with other people otherwise. When work has drinks or events, I let my boyfriend (33M) know that said event or drinks are planned. A couple of times I have said I will try to make the 6pm ferry. To make the 6pm ferry I need to leave the office by 5:40pm which gives me 40mins of time to be at the office hang. If I don’t make the 6pm ferry, the next one isn’t until 7:45pm which is quite a difference. Other times I have explicitly said it intentionally taking the 7:45pm ferry. A handful of times I have not made the 6pm ferry even though that is when I’ve initially thought I’d leave by and I’ve always let my SO know I won’t make the 6pm. This has resulted in an argument with me being called disrespectful. Today we had a work party that I was not sure how long it would run for. I told them I’d probably take the 6pm ferry (knowing that staying later usually results in arguments). As soon as I knew I wouldn’t make the 6pm I let them know. They said they’d prefer me to make the 6pm but that “they wouldn’t tell me what to do”. I said I wouldn’t make it in time and stayed. I took the 7:45pm ferry and they are mad and won’t accept any apologies. I understand I shouldn’t set any expectations if I can’t meet them but I also feel like if I initially say anything other than the 6pm ferry, they get upset. I’ve tried apologizing and explaining this but they don’t want to talk about it. I also understand that this isn’t the first time this had happened so it’s on me too. I just feel like coming home at 7:45pm isn’t that late either.

doobiecarousel

AITA for coming home later than I originally thought I would?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hg2is/aita_for_coming_home_later_than_i_originally/

17hg2is

Brand new to Reddit but needed to make this post so sorry if I do anything wrong. Some context is required for this, I have been friends with this person for a very long time and he has always been kinda flakey when it comes to money, regardless of how well-off he is. A lot of "oops, forgot my wallet at home" and us paying for him only for him to never offer to pay us back in any way. A little background on me: I'm a college student but I'm fairly well-off financially due to a lot of saving up when I was younger and having a job. My friends know this and make fun of me sometimes for being "rich," but we all have jobs and go out fairly regularly. The other day, my friend texts me asking if I can spare some money. They were 2 months late paying their college tuition and can't afford any more late fees, and the amount is pretty substantial (about 5k). They asked if I could spare some money and promised to pay me back, insisting it did not have to be the full amount and anything helps. However, I have a few things that have been preventing me from spending a lot of money recently. First, I'm currently applying to grad school, and paying the application fees myself as well as potentially buying a plane ticket or gas money to look at potential schools. Secondly, I'm studying abroad this summer (part of my major requirement) and have to pay for at least some of it out of pocket. Lastly, and the part that may make me the AH... I just don't want to lend him the money. I know I'll probably never see it again, his other friends have lent him quite a bit, and I don't feel comfortable sending large amounts through Venmo (which is how he wanted me to send the money). I also know he's had plenty of time he could have gotten the money and has a job of his own. I was gonna let it all slide, but today I was chatting with him and some friends and casually mentioned thinking of buying a used gaming PC. All of a sudden he said, "oh, well you're probably not in the right financial situation right now anyway." When I said "What?" he doubled down, saying "all I'm saying is you probably can't afford it right now," essentially guilt-tripping me in front of all my friends for not lending him money. I don't know, I feel like an AH but also he's being really weird about the whole thing. AITA?

t3mp0rarys3cr3tary

AITA for not lending my friend money?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hg7b3/aita_for_not_lending_my_friend_money/

17hg7b3

So I’m on vacation (49F) with all my immediate family Children, mother, sister, and brother in law, and my (42M) husband is back at home. So we have cameras in our home, and used them more a couple years ago, when we were having issues with my youngest son.. so after my son moved out we just kind of stopped using our security cameras. Until just days before my vacation, I moved the cameras so they would face our living room area. I have a friend (40 F) I asked if she could stop by and care for my cat. I understand my husband would be around, and I normally never have issues with him hanging out with women or my friends for that matter if I’m not there. This particular friend always stays on our couch while she stays, that is why I moved the camera. I thought if she stayed over I’d have some piece of mind, seeing my husband not making any moves or anything. I wanted to see how faithful he is to me. I wanted truth. They were messaging me videos of the cat, and telling me to have fun. She messaged me at 9:18 pm there(10:18 her)telling me she was going home and to have a goodnight. I saw immediately afterwards, My husband left for the local bars to have a few drinks because we share our location i was able to see where he was. I saw that he was getting home, I turned on the security camera to see the both of them walking up stairs to our bedroom. I freaked out and immediately tried video FaceTiming him , he hung up repeatedly. He called back on just audio calling, saying he was trying to sleep. I asked him why he would do what he was doing,why she lied. He said he was getting her comfortable in our bed so he could sleep in his daughters room. They were caught, and had so many excuses. She was going to drive home but I insisted that she doesn’t drive because she was intoxicated. He kept trying to give her the phone, so she could explain. When I wanted him to talk to to me. So AITA for watching? Would they have told me if I hadn’t seen anything?

Global_Swim_120

AITA for watching my husband on our in home security cameras, and listening to conversations

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hg8ce/aita_for_watching_my_husband_on_our_in_home/

17hg8ce

My friend, Kim, is hosting a small Halloween party at her house this Saturday. Her place is about 4 hours away from mine (we live in different city). Originally I was going with my boyfriend since Kim is a good friend of his, but my boyfriend has to go on business trip for 2 weeks and couldn't attend so the plan was for me to go alone. On Monday Kim reached out to confirm if I am going because she's preparing the to buy some snacks (guests would be bringing their own drinks and no dinner). I said yes. However, this whole week has been hellish for me at work. I am talking 9am-9pm almost daily, I had yearly performance reviews with my manager, and had to prepare for some negotiations and visa extension ( I am living abroad and going to immigration office gives me anxiety). I am worn-out and 8 hours bus ride round trip does not sound fun. Around Wednesday I mentioned to my bf that I would love some time for myself, but he told me to wait and see how I feel by Thursday night. Well, I don't feel better, it also didn't help that I was in Itaewon last year during the Halloween incident. We talked again and my bf realized that making this decision is weighing a lot on me especially with things going on at work. On one hand, Kim is a good friend and I want to support her, on the other is my mental health. So I decided to cancel. This morning I texted Kim, I explained and apologize, offer to make up for the snacks on my part. She saw the message but did not reply, which only made me feel more guilty for canceling last minute. I know I don't really have a legit reason to cancel besides for my own sanity, so please let me know how big of an asshole I am and how I can make it up to her. I am thinking of sending her a bottle for her party.

Adventurous-Wolf8906

AITA for ditching Halloween Party last minute after I RSVP's yes

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgb75/aita_for_ditching_halloween_party_last_minute/

17hgb75

My boyfriend (31) and i (24) moved to the US from South Korea for my MBA. He has his own business so it didn’t matter where he lived, and I wanted him to come with me as well. He had lived here before for uni before he dropped out and moved to Korea for military and then attend uni in Korea, but it’s my first time and although we’ve been here for a couple of months now I’m still in the phase of everything being exciting and new; although I’m pretty sure we won’t stay here after my MBA. We were planning a date night and I suggested chipotel because I’ve never had it before, and I’ve been hearing from everyone how good it is. I rarely eat fast food, we like to cook at home but that day I was craving this restaurant I’ve never even tried before. He told me that was not a date night place, and suggested this expensive sushi place. I said we ate sushi (the best ones at that) all the time in Korea and Japan, why go to this super expensive and boujee sushi place. But then he started being condescending (in my opinion) saying I don’t know what I’m talking about and think a cheap fast food place is date night material only because I just moved here. Maybe that is true, but what’s wrong with that, also who does it hurt. I got upset and asked why is he trying to belittle me for something so irrelevant, and he said I’m doing that to myself. An argument started out of nowhere. Mind you, I’m half Korean and lived in different countries in Europe before moving to Korea, while he’s fully Korean but also lived abroad for high school and first 2 years of uni. When we visited my other home country and other cities I’ve lived in, I loved how excited he was about everything and went to the touristic places for him along with the local ones. For example when we were in Amsterdam he wanted to go to the touristic places when I knew deep down those aren’t even the good parts of the city, but I shared his enthusiasm because I just enjoyed seeing him like that. So it hurts he won’t show the same to me here. I could be the asshole because I did get upset and offended and could’ve just been appreciative that he wanted to take me to this fancy sushi place. But I just don’t see the reason why he needed to be mean to me just because I wanted a chain restaurant.

wantedtotrychipotle

AITA for wanting to eat chipotle for date night?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hggqk/aita_for_wanting_to_eat_chipotle_for_date_night/

17hggqk

Hi all, I’m mid mental breakdown so I decided to post here. My bf and I are traveling 3 hours to spend the weekend with the bf’s family on vacation and I just found out literally on the way there that we are sharing a room with his mother and two 8 year old girls. Bunk beds to be exact.. and there is no bathroom close to the room. We are both 25 and I need my space. I fully thought we were going to be having our own space to sleep at the very least and now there isn’t even a bathroom close to the room either and it’s fucking bunk beds. I have no issue paying for a hotel room for the next few nights and my boyfriend is acting like I’m being ridiculous for wanting to do this. I love him family and plan on spending the entire time with them, I just need my own space.. please tell me if I’m being unreasonable. :(

jiig5aw

WIBTA for wanting to get a hotel room after seeing the sleeping arrangements at an AirBnb family booked

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgie5/wibta_for_wanting_to_get_a_hotel_room_after/

17hgie5

I (f18) go to college and live with my mom (30) and siblings (4, 2, 1). Technically she’s my stepmom but my bio mom left when I was 7 and I haven’t heard from her since and I’ve been living with my stepmom since she and my dad divorced. My mom has it pretty rough right now. She has full custody of my siblings and my dad is doing everything he can to avoid paying child support. He convinced her to quit her job a couple months before she found out he cheated and she doesn’t have any family in the area. Right now we’re in a 2 bedroom house and she sleeps on the couch. I’m doing everything I can to help. I work and I pay $400 a month in rent and I give her my gas cards and grocery gift cards from school ($50 and $100 a month). She splits my car insurance with me but I’m trying to get her to let me pay all of it. I honestly feel responsible for us being in this situation. I knew my dad was cheating but he bought me a really nice car, new phone, iPad, headphones, and whatever else I wanted and he tripled my allowance and he promised to pay for my college as long as I didn’t tell her. I let it go on for over a year and didn’t start to drop hints until I found out she quit her job. She says she’s not mad at me but I’ve been trying to give her space. I was taking 19 credits this semester, the most my school allowed. I was taking English, communications, an early childhood education class, anatomy, and chemistry. I know it was dumb but my job needs me to take the ece class and everything else is required for my major. The problem is I kept falling really behind in English. It got to a point where I had to drop it. The thing is my mom was an AP English lit/lang teacher. She really is qualified to help me with my work. I never asked tho. When I told her I dropped English because I fell behind, she looked really disappointed and asked why I never asked for help. I told her she’s really busy with my siblings and working and I’m trying to give her space because of everything that happened. Now she’s checking in with me a lot more and asking to check my homework and see if I need any help and I know she won’t admit it but I’m pretty sure she’s mad at me for dropping the class instead of asking her for help. AITA for dropping English instead of asking her for help?

droppedclass

AITA for dropping a class instead of asking my mom for help

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgluy/aita_for_dropping_a_class_instead_of_asking_my/

17hgluy

Context: I'm an undergrad living in a house where some of my housemates are grad students. I'm on the second floor, and I come home around 1-2am semi-regularly (2-3 times per week). However, because the house is rather old, the floorboards are creaky. So, even when I'm very gently walking around while preparing to sleep, noise travels down to the bedroom of the grad student below me. The grad student has come up 2 times since the beginning of the year to tell me that he woke up because of noise coming upstairs from my bedroom. I truly don't know what to do. After the first time he came up to complain, I'm walking as gently as I can and avoiding putting items down on the bare floor (on carpets instead). I'm also usually coming back from late-night study sessions or chill hangouts, so I'm never inebriated or rowdy. The only thing I can change is how early I can head back to the house at night and go to sleep, which is a pretty large and interrupting lifestyle change.

Simple-Dream2431

AITA for making noise when coming home after midnight as an undergrad

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgr0f/aita_for_making_noise_when_coming_home_after/

17hgr0f

So me and my husband fell on hard times and decided to move in with my MIL in January until we could save enough money to buy a home for our then 2 toddlers ) my husband spoke to my MIL and she agreed that that was fine. Right after moving in we found out we was pregnant with our third child. It is now October and we have provided all the food since we’ve moved in as well as pay half of her light bill every month except for September. We’ll when October light bill came in it was $1300 because since we have moved in she decided to only pay half of the light bill every month ( only our part) and not pay her portion of the bill without telling us she has gotten so far behind on the bill. When the bill came in she told my husband that she was not paying it at all and we have to pay her light bill by ourselves. We just had our third baby the month prior as well as my husbands job not working their full hours and was a little short on cash. My husband asked her if she could please come up with half so they don’t turn the lights off because we have children that cannot go without lights and could not pay the full bill by ourselves along with our many other bills and she said no that she was not paying any of it. I then decided since she wanted to do me and my children like that and not even try to help come up with some of it, that we would move out. We moved out right when they turned the lights off so we left her with no lights or food(because we was providing food) she is telling everybody that we are wrong for doing that to her and basically we and our kids should have stayed in a house with no lights bc she has to(even tho she is the one that decided not to help pay HER bill). AITA for moving my family out and leaving her with no lights or food ? Edit: she got the house from her dead father 5 years ago she has completely lived off of his money alone in the past 5 years. She has been quit a terrible mother to my husband (so he says and his stories) she has completely let go of the house since getting it has not even attempted to keep it up. She does not pay her taxes/mortgage so we have to do so (bc my husband said if we don’t she’ll loose it for not paying and he wants it when she dies bc it was his grandfathers) she has stollen money from me since being with her son on different occasions. She doesn’t even speak to any of her grandchildren (my kids) she will go 2-3 weeks without even saying hey to them in passing. She does not cooking and absolutely no cleaning of anything. She stays in her room 24/7 and makes my husband do everything for her (like bring her every meal) and also expects me to do the same( she got mad at me for not opening a door for her when she arrived home) she told my husband that’s why she had him for him to take care of her. Note she isn’t elderly she is only 50

VastAd3459

AITA for leaving my MIL with no lights in her house?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgri1/aita_for_leaving_my_mil_with_no_lights_in_her/

17hgri1

My bud (Adam) (early 30s) has wanted marriage for years. He's worked all kinds of jobs (some he hated) to be self-sufficient, even dabbling in overemployment to make take ends meet after layoffs. WIBTA for suggesting to Adam to postpone marriage until Eve's in a better mental place? Adam and Eve look forward to their upcoming wedding, but Eve's in an increasingly bad state and won't help herself. From the outside it looks like she is depressed. Adam's longtime gf/fiance (Eve)(early 30s) took a while to finish her PHD (\~2 years during COVID) and struggled to finish it. Eve did not want marriage (up until 30s). While Eve graduated, when people usually apply for jobs, she decided to take time off, post-grad. Ok, some people do that for mental health, but her goal is to be a professor, so possibly not the smartest tactic, given the competitiveness. Her choice. Eve also lost a parent in the pandemic (a bit after graduating), and had to step up helping family (most long distance, all adults) with the funeral. Over a year later, Eve sleeps in late, watches a lot of TV and refuses to get a job, or even look for one. She has dozens of excuses why she can't: her friends in the same major were just lucky; or she was the victim (but most of her papers fell through). She's done nothing to keep herself marketable (any gap work for her resume, volunteer)... just a lot of self pity. She and Adam (mostly WFH) share a lot of chores, but Adam often ends up cooking or washing dishes, because of Eve being tired (probably depression). Eve also doesn't like to leave her flat since COVID. And she has become too faced whenever Adam wants to go out with friends, family, for hobbies. She says yes, then gets angry when he goes out. She also tries to steer Adam towards hanging out with only her PHD friends. Eve's also very gender woke due to her major and time at Uni and still has ivory tower thinking that women should not have to work if they don't want to: why should people have to take jobs they don't want ??? SAHG stuff, but yet, she still wants Adam to work 2+ jobs to completely financially support her, her friend???, her fur babies, and her student loans. Adam sees a therapist because of increased stress, but while Eve has acknowledged she's not in her best state, she refuses to go to therapy "before their wedding." She says it's to save money. But she pouts when she can't travel because of the wedding budget. She complains about costs, says she's an independent woman, but still expects to be 100% financially dependent on Adam. Adam loves Eve, but she refuses to change. She even promised six months ago to look for part time work and now has dropped that completely, because applying is "exhausting." Adam is really looking forward to being married, but it doesn't seem wise to enter a marriage in a progressively strained relationship. WIBTA for suggesting to Adam to postpone marriage until Eve's in a better mental place?

fitforafiance

WIBTA: To tell my bud to delay his marriage

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgt4z/wibta_to_tell_my_bud_to_delay_his_marriage/

17hgt4z

Basically got two friends, both of them are real close, one is a guy and the other a girl. Me and the girl used to be involved, and she was way more emotional about me than I was her, we were casual. My guy friend was a dude I always talked about girls with, I really considered him my boy we got girls with together and stuff so I always told him everything about what me and the girl did. He always tried to urge me to do more with her, be more serious, but I wasn’t into her like she was into me so I didn’t want to, eventually I ended thing with her casually but we continued friends. I moved away for work and one night I’m talking to the girl, she tells me that this old friend and her had “did stuff” together the day prior, she also asked me not to tell the guy. I said okay cool, but like I said I considered this guy my close friend so I went to him kinda to big him up because he got her, like guy talk shit. Immediately he started saying that I was into her and that I didn’t have to pretend, that he wouldn’t deal with her again I didn’t have to worry. I was like wow bro I was the one that ended things with her, Im not into her I’m just bigging u up. He wouldn’t have it. Then the girl messaged me saying why the fuck did I tell I broke her trust and shit, really started giving it to me like swearing and stuff and calling me names because I ruined her thing. Am I the asshole?

Grouchy_Hearing3847

AITA for talking to someone about something private?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hgyet/aita_for_talking_to_someone_about_something/

17hgyet

So I, 23F was born profoundly deaf and received cochlear implants when I was 2 years old. I grew up with wealthy middle class parents with good health insurance from my father’s company. 90% coverage kind of insurance. About almost two years ago I upgraded my cochlear processor because my old one was very worn out and I was having difficulty hearing people. I get the upgrade for both side and it costed $20k. I am on my father’s insurance, insurance wrote a check to my father for 18k. I let my dad handle it because I thought I can trust him with that. I come to find out a year later my account was put “on hold”, while I was trying to order new batteries for processor. After I spoke to the billing department and calling my insurance about the “missing 18k check” that was suppose to be paid. I found out my dad pocket the 18k because it was deposited to his account after confirming with insurance agents. I been bringing this up to my dad I know what he did and he need to give the money over. He been avoiding me left and right, disappear and go AWOL. my accounts recently been updated from “on hold” to “blocked” which means I can’t get any new equipment even if it’s under warranty. My audiology is aware of the situation and told me I need to get this resolved ASAP because my warranty is soon going to expire and I need to replace my processor. I’m considering my options, my dad does help me with other expenses which would impact me if he stopped paying those as well. I am in college and I’m not wealthy, my dad is. I’m trending on eggshells. If my processor malfunction, I have no way to function in life. I was not raised in the deaf community, I know some sign language, but I’m not fluent.

Awkward_Financee

WIBTA if I put my father on blast for misusing an insurance check?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hhlqi/wibta_if_i_put_my_father_on_blast_for_misusing_an/

17hhlqi

My friend and I went for a trip to their family cabin. My friend is currently unemployed and looking for work. Their car is older and I just bought a new car 2 months ago. They asked if we could use my car for the trip and I said that would be ok and drove most of the way to the cabin, which was a long trip. Closer to our destination, they started pushing the idea of driving since they knew the area. Apparently there was a really steep uphill up to their cabin and instead of asking first, they ran it quickly and in a reckless way. They said they felt the car could get stuck and better to ask for forgiveness than permission. We had an amazing time the next day but then they suggested going for a hike to a secluded area they knew. Again they offered driving around the whole day since they knew the area. The place for the hike was a hidden entrance to some campgrounds surrounded by trees which I didnt know, and they parked the car to the side of the path. I didnt think much of it until we came back and had to turn the car around. My friend was trying to turn the car but with so many trees around it was difficult, but they were moving quickly and backing into bushes in a way that made me uncomfortable. The car got a log stuck underneath the front bumber and they just forced their way out and the car made a loud noise. Once we got home my friend noticed the front left side of the bumper had gotten dislodged and my car had scratches in the front and back bumpers. My friend was apologetic but some of their comments bothered me, like: 'that is the thing with cars. It's only going to get more dented and scratched with time". When it came to fixing the repairs they offered to pay for half. WIBTAH for asking them to pay for all the repairs? Edit: to clarify the insurance situation, both my friend and I have full coverage. In a situation where someone is driving my car, unfortunately my insurancw would be the one to pay which would make my premiums higher. I don't want that so id prefer to pay for repairs of out pocket

cassavaguava

WIBTAH for asking my friend to pay for car repairs they caused while unemployed?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hhont/wibtah_for_asking_my_friend_to_pay_for_car/

17hhont

I (19m) got an apartment with my grandma (59f) after she got kicked out of her daughter's house (my aunt). Things were fine for the first few months until she stopped paying her part of the rent. Our names are both on the lease so we are both equally responsible. I started nagging her about it more and more until she started staying with my aunt again for days or even weeks at a time. I had absolutely no issue with this and even took the opportunity to deep clean and redecorate the apartment. She'd maybe stop by once a week or so. Every time she comes over she leaves a mess. She likes to cook something for herself and then leave all the dishes in the sink for me to do after she leaves. She'll smoke on the balcony and empty her ashtray into the kitchen garbage which stinks the whole place up. The other day she even made a batch of French macarons, took them all with her, and left all the baking supplies and dishes out for me to clean up (using MY ingredients and stand mixer). I told her that she's not welcome at my apartment anymore and she said it's equally as much mine as it is her apartment. I told her as long as she's not paying rent it's my apartment. She left in a huff after that and posted about me on Facebook. Now I have a bunch of family members messaging me saying I'm rude and disrespectful. Including my own mother, aka the daughter of my grandma. I asked my mom why SHE wasn't letting my grandma live with her and she said it's because they don't get along. Go figure. Anyways, am I the asshole? Some more information that I forgot to add: my grandma is very sick, possibly from cancer, but she refuses to go to the doctor or even talk to my mom who's a nurse. She smokes almost a pack of cigarettes a day which is where most of her money is going. She gets alimony every month which SHOULD be enough to pay the entire rent on her own if she wanted. She's also an alcoholic and will be drunk a lot of the time when I get home from work. She likes to go on rants and complain about my mom to me. It's honestly depressing to see her like that and living in that environment was taking a toll on my mental health. I have enough to deal with at 19. I work 2 jobs and do door dash and Postmates on the side to be able to afford rent on my own.

Procyon_Lotor_724

AITA for kicking out my grandma?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hhvmm/aita_for_kicking_out_my_grandma/

17hhvmm

i (24F) recently quit my job. it was at this small restaurant (not a chain more like a mom and pop restaurant) and i was a manager there for almost a year, but i worked for the owner for almost five years. I finally felt like it was time to quit since i was about to graduate from college. so i put in my two weeks, started training someone to take my place, and started to hire more people as well. In these two weeks i still did manager duties like making the schedule, checked on inventory, placed orders for coke products, and etc. Well payday rolls around and i pick up my check and my pay was cut DRASTICALLY. to put into perspective my checks would be about $1200 biweekly, and with this check i was paid $650… i worked the same hours, did all my manager duties, even trained the new staff that would take my place since i didn’t want to burden the owner. When i confronted the owner about my pay all they said was “well you’re quitting?? you’re not the manager anymore so you’re not getting the manager pay.” when he said that my face was getting hot and i started to shake because i really saw the owners as family. i just sighed and walked out. i had already scheduled myself for 7 more shifts after that day, but I didn’t show up. He didn’t respect me so why continue to show up. My bf was telling me i should’ve at least went in and did the bare minimum, but even seeing the owner probably would’ve sent me into a rage. I told my bf that he essentially stole $600 from me and now made it hard for me to pay most of my bills. *Sorry this is my first time making a reddit post and i just need to get this off my chest

throwaway_123123789

AITA for walking out on my boss

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hi5fg/aita_for_walking_out_on_my_boss/

17hi5fg

My husband and I, plus our two kids are taking a looooong overdue holiday this week. We live on a bit of land in the rainforest (important context) with 2 dogs, 2 chickens and a pet bird and had a housesitter lined up to come in and care for the animals. Two days before we were due to go, the housesitter pulled the pin. With few other options, we had to call my mother in law to come from interstate. We really didn't want to do this, because my MIL is and always has been next level dramatic... But we just ran out of options and time. She arrived the day before we had to leave and I ran her through the care of the animals while frantically trying to pack the kids and myself (my husband works away and met us at the airport). I run my own business (context because I'm frantically busy with work all the time and no, not always the tidiest human). Three days in the holiday, we call my MIL to check in and let her know she's on speakerphone with our kids and she started screaming at us that the way we keep our dog is animal abuse because he should be on a farm, blah blah. (One of our dogs is a VERY high energy working dog breed, but we do have plenty of land and I exercise him every afternoon - so no, he's definitely not abused. He IS an A grade pain sometimes, but not abused) We were stunned and got off the phone. My husband called her back half an hour later once the kids and I had left the room and they had a massive blow up. She said our house was filthy (it's not - untidy definitely, but we have a cleaner every fortnight who does a deep clean etc). She was complaining that some light switches don't work, there's lint in the dryer, there's mould in the animals water bowls (rainforest - you have to scrub the bowls out every couple of days or they get lined with mould...), chicken shit in the chicken coop..... She said to my husband that she felt sad for us that we had to live like that and that is was animal abuse for our animals to have mould in enclosures (again, rainforest - mould grows EVERYWHERE, you cannot keep on top of that stuff 24/7). I hit the roof and said to my husband that I needed her out of the house by the time we returned and that I was done with her. Unfortunately that's not so easily done. She's digging in her heels and crying and saying she's sorry, she just feels sad for us because we have too much on our plates and its hard to see us living like this, blah blah. My husband will support me me whatever I decide here, but now I feel like digging my heels in and asking her to leave is petty. She hasn't reached out to me or tried to apologise at all, and I know from past experience she will just twist around what happened so she's the victim. AITA for digging my heels in saying she needs to leave our house (and my life)?

Marigold_Days

AITA for asking my mother in law to leave my house after she accused me of animal abuse?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hi5ja/aita_for_asking_my_mother_in_law_to_leave_my/

17hi5ja

I have been going through some issues and it got to a point where I literally broke down and couldn’t even talk to anyone. I deleted my social media accounts and told my friends about having issues (no details) and they all were very supportive, and they have been keeping me updated to everything I’m missing out on as a form of keeping in touch. I woke up today and one of my friends texted me that she’s mad I’m not texting her, even though she knows I am not in a good place right now. And I feel very angry and I think my heart is clouded right now. She stood me up for a week, she would tell me to talk or meet up or something and then last minute or the next day she would apologize and tell me that she couldn’t which is annoying when done frequently. I am not trying to get back at her but I genuinely needed some time off everything but now she’s making me feel guilty. So AITA for not texting her?

UchiHa_MidoRiya22

AITA for not contacting my friend?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hi6jy/aita_for_not_contacting_my_friend/

17hi6jy

Today my mom came into my room unannounced when i was in the middle of doing something. I told her to leave multiple times but she didn’t. And when I said it again, she got mad and said that it was her house and asked what my problem was. She said it was my fault and started saying how annoying i was so aita?? edited: its just tylenol, and i didnt get chance to take it before that. yea its her house, she owns it, she can do whatever she wants but i want privacy🤦‍♀️

aespastan444

AITA for telling my mom to leave my room?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hic0o/aita_for_telling_my_mom_to_leave_my_room/

17hic0o

Jake (fake name) and I are both 20, and we’ve been good friends for a couple months since I moved to this state with the help of my older sister. So when my sister announced she was getting married, I asked my closest friend Jake if he wanted to go with me since we both had never been to a wedding before. He said yes and we were (but mostly I) counting down the days, because I knew my sister even considering marriage was very important since we came from separate moms. I had reiterated multiple times the date of my sister’s wedding to my friend to make sure he had something to wear and what time I would pick him up. He has a spam account on instagram he likes to shitpost on, and 2 days before the wedding he posted (direct quote)“So basically, both of my eyes are super swollen and kind of sticky. I think it might be because I had like three shrimp yesterday and so I woke up with an allergic reaction which I already knew I was allergic to shrimp but I didn't know that it would do this and usually just makes my throat close, but I just wanted to be sure so I ate some more shrimp and now my eyes wont go back to normal.” I read this a bit shocked? And honestly irritated, bc this situation sounded easily avoidable. And responded in the comments “take some Benadryl, wtf” We didn’t talk about it until the day of the wedding, where he apologized if his eyes looked a bit weird and reiterated he ate shrimp knowing it would cause an allergic reaction but this was not the one he was expecting. I asked him why he would do that days before my sister’s wedding, especially if he predicted it to close his throat. He said the last time he had a reaction it only lasted for an hour and then he took Benadryl but yeah he looks “a little silly” lol. He asked if I was mad and I said honestly it made me a bit peeved. I was already on edge because of family issues that morning, so maybe that heightened this situation in my mind but I told him it was weird he was putting himself in harms way before my sisters wedding. He responded that he “didn’t do it to spite me.” (???) And “it’s not like I’d have to go to the hospital”. I could see where maybe I was making a big deal out of nothing? I’ve never had mild allergic reactions where I just pop a pill and deal with it, so I don’t know. But it’s also like, really? Before my sisters wedding? What would’ve happen if your throat closed and Benadryl wasn’t enough? It’s just worrying to think about, but it’s not my body and I don’t know what’s best for him I guess. I talked to 2 different friends about it and asked if it was a bit weird and they both agreed, but I could be in an echo chamber. So Reddit, what do you think?

Competitive-Rip-7048

AITA for getting upset at my friend’s allergic reaction?

/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/17hign5/aita_for_getting_upset_at_my_friends_allergic/

17hign5